Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-06-29
For the Spectator.
REGISTERING AND VOTING.
JOHN LIvELY's soUEAMIsHNEss.

| pairing as usual to my wife s chamber, l
thought observed symptoms of surprise
party. .Jacinta's old bonnet newly trimmed
with moss roses and orange blossoms, lay up
ON the bed-a hoop skirt garnished with cor
set and pair of large stockings was sprawllng
over chair, while store of other tackle care
fully lugged away in an open drawer, seemed
in quantity quite sufficient for sailing a first
class brig Of the Anna Dickinson line. My
wife was making calico dress which every
now and then she swung out from her lap and
tralled on the floor, accompanying the move
ment of the habit with a knowing shake Of her
head.
could not but observe as I entered the
room, that Jacnta gave me significant search
ing look, and | was satisfied she smelt the
brandy cocktail had taken for the cold In my
head. In view Of this I resolved to be partic-
ularly sober and silent, despite my curiosity to
become initiated into the mysterious prepara-
had been flirting the calico dress about her lap
for my benefit, and bobbing her head ominous-
ly at nobody else but me- had had but one
drink and yet think my wife appeared in du-
pllcate character. l was not surprised at this
women have so many characters, and their
ways are SO curious, having language outside
OF their mother tongue that we men can never
hope in all our wisdom and love to interpret
as they intend aue should.
That there was going to be a surprise party,
and l not see into it was clear. The children
were In cooperation and we'll trained by the
mother. Presently, NY wife, suppose, think
gave my son John sly wink She did not
think [ saw it, and directly the young confed-
crate spoke out vehemently to his mother
Let try them on him. ~
lnstinctively | turned my eyes to my myste
rious spouse, who, to the exclamation of the
boy, replied-"Time enough, they'll fit war
rant looking furtively up from her work and
shaking her locks at me and the brandycock-
tail, then paus.ng to see if we took. We did
not, and she proceeded-''Fit yes, well enough
for an undeveloped lord of creation to nurse the
children and feed the chickens in, while his
wife wears the breeches and long tail coat to
the precinct Monday"
whats it all about" thought to the cock
tail when my wife interrupted the due course
of reflection with-'Do you take John Live
y?' We didn't see it, and therefore further
silence being judged advisable was Observed
'Wiil you register, John Llvely?' Jacinta
paused for reply, but n'y mind a1as not made
up, Il say, will you enter your name on the
rolls as voter ?'-another pause. do you
intend to vote John Lively, or let your wisdom
set Virginia afre and leave ruin and ashes as
an inheritance to your children?'
"All CANNON, = thought the cocktail warm
ing up-'let her blow" ''Well, John Lively,
| married you because you promised to love,
honor and cherish me, and forsaking all 9TH
ers' (the cocktail sup posing this intended for
him hiccoughed), yes, I took compassion on
you, John Lively, because you said you'd take
bed-bug poison if I didn't" Murder hic-
cough - ''Now, John Lively, I wish [ had a
thousand sons-''what an unnatural wish"
thought the cock-tail-sons, with father not
afraid to lead them into the life and death
struggle of Hope against the Devil and Gerry
mander."
"What profane woman" thought the cock
tail-while my wife stopped to take a little
breath, to rise from her chair aud shake the
had fair play, her eye sparkled like meteor
on me and the cocktail then l thought it
subsided into gentle radiance while she
spoke" John Lively, you are silent. | hope,
dear, 1t is penitence that moves you, for It's
cruel for husband to be 'on the fence at such
time-do, dear John Lively, get down before
it is too late
My wife spoke so sweetly, suppose l began
to be soft and she pressed me, don't persist
in your punctiious, peccadios and fine points
with wGman-reserve these Tor giants OF
reason when | believe [ turned up my nose
with this fling at our sex, for the manner Of
Jacinta changed quickly, she took a large in
spiration and said-''If you will be squeamish
then it becomes my melancholy duty John
Lively, (here she threw the calico dress with
resoute air upon her army | am resolved to
strip you said Lively to the natural state and
remake you from within outward. | shall now
proceed to dress and tuck you up in the rig
ging of the weaker vessel. So behold your
wardrobe, (haunting the calico and casting her
eyes around the room). John Lively-lord of
creation -shuck off your long tail coat. Sophy
my darling, unbutton that Napoleon paper col
lar; and you J. Lively, Jr., draw off the Gov
ernor $ breeches-they are mine.
Now things looked squally. Cocktail insis-
ted that should dispute the point made. But
l had delayed too long, for speech now to the
opposing force saw there was to be no par
ley, my wife waved toward me with-"Don' t
be squeamish, John Lively, as you We been a.
bout politics. Untackle and I'll make good,
worthy, woman of you, and perhaps, after a
while, let you exercise the right of suffrage
with other of your female friends"
Zone word, my dear Jacnta," said [, as |
began to realize my anomalous position. John
Lively, you have had time to say many. TO
speak the speech [ pray you, and you would
not, but you are my plghted troth John, land
she stayed the plighted hand saying) Harkye,
John, be brief Of speech for know you that my
friends Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Jones will have
the pattern of your dress this very night
''Spith and JONES'" repeated in medita-
tion deep. why if Smith and Jones register
and vote so will 1.
My wife shook her head-"That's for Mrs.
Smith and Mrs. Jones to determine. These
ladies have the charge and proprietary interest
alone in their respective lords and will, rest as
sured, keep their honor bright, for | well do
know these worthy danes have never given IN
to lords dirt-pie to eat, and just 50 sure they
will not without due effort and much riling
and black vomit have Jack Pudding thrust
down their Threats. -
At this juncture John Lively, Jr,, in an un-
ne cessarily loud voice announced-"Mrs. Smith
wants father dress, she says It's Saturday
night, the stockings all are darned and they II
register on Monday" Whereat, my wife gave
me sorrowful look, and said John Lively
the last call, will you register and vote =
"Jacinta - | exclaimed rushing to my wife,
you won't say anything about this evening
performances if | do o?' She Modified instan-
ter, and put her arm upon my shoulder-"as
| am your plighted troth, j. Lively, and have
your honor in my keeping you may depend on
me. " There said |, ''by-the-living-j -jingo,
LII register and vote as often as you wish a.
gainst the Devil and Gerry-Mander.
| Twas done if not we'll done, and with this
sank down into my arm chair, to chide myself
and wish that Smith and Jones had only had
an understanding with me before things reached
the eliminating point-because ,oonaen wiH talk.
| JOHN LIVELY.
A Black List Needed.
We want the name of every white man in
| Southwestern Virginia who dares betray his