Mower County transcript., 1869-12-30
.iE FAT MEMS SPREE.
The Drunken Titnns after the Grand
Balm Ount of Flesh I<OIitng
Into Crcaking Beds-tiuKe StomnciIs
COnvulsed with Unknown ASonien
The Snores af the GiKMnleh.

Into Crea king Beds-Huke StOmnchn
ConvuIsed with Unknow., AEonien
The Snores Of the GiEantes.
The grand ball of the fat men broke up
Thursday with the break OF day. Worn
out, like Flemish drav horses, with not!l-
ing short of Suprrhunan labors, they stag
gcycd ont into the cold air with their di-
minntive DANES upon their arms. and "ih-
died home, singing rio,ous songs i'll tones
| so bass rs would have driven Ducheshe
mad with envy. They tramped recklcas!y
but weari!y through the streets. How they
entered their respective tloniciles it is hard
to say. Many who resided temporarily at
hotels were dragged to their rooms by
! ropes aud pulieys.
! Stout, the three hundred aud ninety
| FOUNDER, of Poughkecpsic, who came down
10 New York TO parade at the grand b"li
and was staying with his wife relations III
Fiftieth street, staggered into the dining
room in the basement Of their house, where
he turned over Oh the floor and fell
asleep The servants tried to take him to
! bed, but could not move him. His snorc~
shook the house till noon and the inmates
i walked about with cotton i'll their ears.
| Hough, the two hundred and cigl,ty-onc
FOUNDER, proprietor Of the Lockwood
House in Poughkeepsie, was elevated to
|
and left to himself. mlttering incoherently
of terrible pains in his stomach. He was
found in the morning, tic Stats BROKEN
through, lying Oh the floor, with his heels
in the air on the 1cot-board Of the bed.
He was purple in the face, and snored Will,
all unearthly sound. DIR. Cooper gave him
tbreel soup ladies' of ippecacnanha and Il
quart of a solution Of copperas, after which
he felt better.
ENDURANCE OF THE HON. JOHN FISK.
The Hon. John A. p Fisk took his little
wife up in his arms and tripped lightly
home. Fisk is a model Of man. His ell
durance is remarkable. He took off his
dress coat torty-one inches across the
back, and his vest, containing seven yards
of Madagascar doeskin, and wrung them
dry into the back yard through the kitchen
window.
'After that walked up and down the
room, to show my folks I wasn't drunk, y
he said; ''but they gave me no rest.
walked through the whole house to get rid
was no peace tor me, nothing but big
piece of mince pie in the ice box, and that
swallowed. Then I went to bed, but
couldn't sleep. You see, mince pie isn' t
good for fat men. 1t don't set well on
their stomachs. Well, couldn't stand it
any longer, SO jumped up and came down
here to my restaurant. hadn't been here
ten minutes before some Of the other chaps
came in. You see they had been eating
mince pie too. Well, we took bourbon ali
round and then we took it again, you see,
and SO on. After that we didn't teel the
mnce pie any longer and concluded that
mince pie wasn't good for fat men. So I
locked up all the stuff in my place here,
and am going to keep it for lean men. You
know they've got different constitutions.
They've got dyspepsia and rheumatics, and
all that, which we fat men don't know any
thing about, you know. That's the beauty
of fat men,"
As he spoke. truck came rolling slowly
down the street, the horses dragging like
stage horses in a snow-storm, or the equine
sh eletons on the belt line of horse cars
On it stood four Titans. When they laughed
the wheels Of the truck groaned, and the
horses gasped for breath. The pede~ trians
on the street threw up their hats and
cheered enthusiastically. The truck stopped
before Fisk's restaurant, and its load slowly
aiighted. They had eaten mince pies too,
and couldn't sleep, so they had some more
bourbon all round. They imbibed freely,
and mounted their truck again. They bade
goodbye to their President, for they were
all from Poughkeepsie, and were going
back.
'Look at us, they said "Poughkeepse
is the place to grow fat, if your soul is
capable of that ambition. Look at us four
men, and we are skeletons compared with
some other chaps up there. Why, here's
Stout, who weighs 800 pounds, and he's
nothing. Yet he weighs 36 pounds more
than you, Fisk. Why, you ought to be
ashamed OF yourself We are going to
have that big cane of your up in Pough.
keepsie next year. There's no chance OF
your beating us"
"I'll be darned if you'll have it" retort-
ed the Hon. John A. P Fisk; "Ill live on
starch first"
"Well, so will we," cried the whole four
in monstrously bass voice, If that's
what's the matter"
FISK S RESTAURANT
Was scene of gigantic extravaganza till
dark. The Titans rolled in and out reck.
lessly. They were on a grand spree alter
the ball, and will each weigh a dozen
pounds or two more before they have re-
turned to the routine of their existence
for, said the Hon. Stiles Stevens, 1--WE
know, by experience, we do, that beer and
bourbon are nourishing; and we grow fat
ter on 'em, we do, no matter what James
Parton says, for what does such thir
chap as he know about it? And I'll bet i
, our wives would drink beer and bourbon
liae US jolly chaps, they'd grow fat too
". Y. Sun.
A Letter from the King of Siam.