The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1869-05-20
How SUIT Lovengood Exploded.
HIS EXPERIENCE WITH SODA POWDERS.

SUIT related the story thus: "George
did YOU ever see Sicily Burnes? Her dad
lives at the Ratil Snaik Spring, nigh to
the Gregory linc.'
eyes, a handsome girl"
Handsome that word don't kiver the
case; it sounds like calling whiskey wa
ter, when ye are at Big Spring and the
still house ten miles of, and hit rainin'
an yor flask only half full. She shows
among wimen like a sunfower as COM
pared tn dog fennull and smart weed to
iimstin. But thar aint no use tryin' to
describe her. Couldn't crawl thru
whiskey barrel with both heads stove out,
if hit wur hilt sturdy for her, an good
foot holt at that. She ways JUS two hun
dred and twenty-six pounds. and stands
sixteen hands high. She never got into
an arm cheer in her life, an you can lock
the top of churn ur big dog collar
round her waist. I've seed her jump over
the top of a split bottom cheer and never
show her ankle or ketch her dress onto
it. She keried devil enuf about her to fill
a four horse waggin bed, with u skin as
white as the inside of frogstool, checks
and lips as red ss peaches gills in dog
wood blossom time; an SIGH smile f! On,
be drafted ef it's eny use talkin'. That
ral cud make me murder old Bishop Soul
hiself or kill nam, not to speak Nv dad,
ef she list limited that she wontcd sch
thing dun.
We'll, to tell it all at once, she war a
gal all over, from the pint Nv her toe nails
tu the longest har on her rhighest knob NV
her head gal all the time, everywhere
and that of the excitinest kind. Ov course
/ leaned up tn her as close as l dar tn,
and in spite Nv long legs, appetite for
whiskey, my shurt scrape. and dads ac-
tin hoss, she softer leaned up to me, an
I was beginnin to think l war the great
est an comfortablist man on yeth not eX-
ccptin Old Buck or Brigham Yung, with
ali his sadil culered, wriDkled wimmin,
cradels full of babies, and Big Salt Lake
thrown in Well, wun day cussed de-
ccivin, palavcrin, Yankee pedlar, all jack
knife and jaw, cum to old Burnes, with
load of apple parins, calliker, rlbons,
iewsharps an s-o,d-y powders. Now
mind I'd never hearn tell ov that truck
afore, an 1 be darned eff don't want 1t to
be the last-wus nor rife powder-wus
nor percussion-three times as smart an
hurts wus, heap wus. Durn him. Durn
all Yankee pedlars, and durn their princi-
ples and practisis, l say. I wish he had
all the sody powders they ever made in
his cussed paunch, and slow match liked
tn him, an I had chunk ov fire, the fel-
Ter what found piece of him big enuf to
feed cockroacb, ought tu be king of the
Sultan's harem q thousand years for his
luck. They aint human no how. The
mint at Filadelfy is thar heaven; they
think their god eats half dimes for break
fast. hashes the levins for dinner, an swal-
lows cent on a dried apple for supper,
sets on q stamping machine for throne,
sleeps on crib full ov half dollars, and
measures men like money, by count.
They haint one Of them got soul but
what cud dance jig in a cabbage seed,
and leave for the fiddler.
'"Well, Sicily bought q tin box ov the
sody from him, an hid it away from the
folks a savin it for me. [ happen'd to
pass next day, an ov course l stopped to
enjoy look at the tempter, and she wur
mighty lovin tn me, put one arm around
nv neck and luther one whar the circin-
Gle goes round hoss, tuck the nturn on
me with her left fut an gin me kiss.
Says she:
SSutty, love, I've got somethin fur ye,
a new sensation "-an [ believed it, fur l
begun to feel it already. My toes felt
like little MINERS were at nibblin EN-
q cold streak q runnin up and down my
back like lizard with hen turkey artcr
him in setin time, my heart felt hot and
onsatisfied like, and then I'd shot old Soul
cf she had limited necdsisity for such an
operashun. Then she poured ten or twelve
blue papers ov the sody inter big tum-
bier, and about the same number of white
ones inter luther tumbler, an put nj onto
a pint of water on both ov them, and
stirred EN- up with case knife, lookin as
solemn as an ole jackass, in snow storm,
when the fodder is all gin out, She hilt
one while she told me to drink luther. l
swallowed it at one run-tasted salty like,
/ thot it wur part of the sensashun. But
| wur mistaken, all nv the cussed sensa-
tion wur tn cum, and it wornt long ut 1T,
boss. you'd better believe me. Then she
oin me tuther tumbler, an | sent it arter
the last, race boss fashion.
Sin about one moment an hat L thot
! had swallowed thrashin machine in
full blast ur q couple of bull dogs, and
they had sot tn ftin. | seed that l wur
cotched agin-same family dispersition to
make cussed fools OF themselves every
chancc-so broke for my boss. l stole
q look back, and thar lay Sicily or her
back in the porch Il scrcamin with latin,
her heels up in the air a kickin ov chem
together like she were a tryin TO kick her
SLIPPERS off. But had no time tn look
then. and thar war road of foam from
tho house TO the boss two feet wide and