The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1869-08-05
Josh Billings Papers.
NATURAL B1oeRApHr-rHE HUM BueG.

The most vain and impudent bug
known to naturalists Cor emmy other pri-
vate individuaD is the hum bugg.
They have no very perticular parents
nor birth place; are born a good deal az
tud stools are, wherever they kan find q
good soft spot. 1-----7.a- @gg
1t haz been sed by commentators that
Satan himself il the father of hum buggs
If this liz fakt, he haz got more chill
dren than be kan watch, and sum very
fast young ones amungst them.
The hum buggs don't generally live
CRATE while at once, but have the fakulty
ov dieing in one place and being suddenly
born in another.
They are Wv awl genders, including the
masculine, feminine and nutral, and kan
live and grow phatt where an honest
bugg would starve to death begging.
The hum bugg will eat emmy thing that
they kan bite. and rather than lose good
meal will swaller thing whole.
Every one sez they dispize the hum
bugg, and yet everybody is anxious tew
make their acquaintance.
They have the ontra to all cirkles of so.
ciety without knocking from the highest
to the lowest, and tho often kicked out,
are welcumed again aud hattered more
than ever.
The hum bugg haz more friends than
he knows what to do with, but he mana
ges tew give general satisfackshun by
cheating the whole of them.
The Bible sez "the grasshoppcr il
burden" and I believe it-but think the
hum bugg is the heavyest bug ov the two.
But the world kant we'll spare the hum
bugg; take them all out ovthe world, and
it would bother even an honest man tew
git living, tor there doesn't seem, jist
now, to be honesty enuff on hand to do
our immense dry goods buzziuess with.
Honesty il undoubtedly the best policy
for long run, bat for short race, hum
bugg has made some excellent time.
| have been bit bad by this bugg mself
several times, but not twice in the same
spot follow the Scriptures when am
WHARF the hum, bugg is. plenty, if one
bites me on the check turn him the other
cheek also, but i don't let him bite the
other cheek also.
Thare amt emmy body, i suppose, who
acktualy pines tew to be bit by this cele
brated bugg, they only luv to see how
near they can cum tew it without mis-
sing.
Human natur il chuck full ov curiosity,
and curiosity il jist what hum bugg makes
menny warm meal oph of.
Sum ov theze buggs are not SO sharp
bitten and pizen az others, but this iz not
so mutch owing few their disposishun az
it is tew their natur; they all ov them
bite the full length ov their teeth.
If there iz ennybody who haint never
been bit of hum bugg yet, he must be
somebody who has always staid at home
with his uncle, and lived on bread and
milk, and was born numb all the way
through, and couldn't feel any kind of a
bite
If I should hear man brag that one
ov these bugs couldn't bite him L should
set him down at once for man who
wasn't good judge Nv the truth. The
bite Nv hum bugg IL wuss than hor-
nets, and always different from dogs,
for the dog growls, and then bites, but the
hum bugg bites, and let's you do the growt.
ing.
THE BUdG BEAR.
Natral History has its myths and it's
ghosts, az we'll az emmy boldly else, and
foremost among these 1.-THE bugg be:r;
The bugg bear il born from All imagi-
nary egg, and il hatched by an imaginary
process
They are like shadow in the afternoon,
always good deal bigger than the thing
that casts it. 800 49,. -
They are composed ov two entirely diff
ferent animals, the bNgg and the bear, but
generally turn out TO be pretty much all
bugg e. -
They are like the assetts ov bankrupt
smaller thoy grow.
l have known them tew cum out oY.a
hole like mice, and grow in tew minutes
az big az an elephant, and then run back
agin into the same hole they cum out ov.
They are like young wild pigeon in
their habits, the biggest when they are
first born.
They are common to all countrys and
all peoples, the philosophers hav seen
them az often az the children hav, and
ben az badly skared by them.
They are az innocent az rag doll, but
are az full ov doviltry az a jack lantern.
Brgg bears are az plenty in this world
az pins on the sidewalks, but nobody ever
seen them but those folks who are aflus
hunting for them.
THE DUMBLE BEE.
The Bundle Bee is one Nv natures Sc
krets They probably hev destiny tew
fill, and are probably necessary, if fell
low only knew how. They live apart
from the rest of mankind in little circles,
numbering about seventy-fve or eighty
eouls rhoy arn horn ohout havino tima