The Evansville journal., 1869-06-03


A sCHooLMIsTREss advertised lately
for an assistant accustomed to con
finement. She received an answer
from the mother Of twelve children.
- A TEACHER was explaining to a lit
tie girl the meauing>f the word Gu
ticle." What y that all over my
face and haDdSf" 8 Its freckles, sir, "
said the bsIe cherub.
K LIFE INSURANCE agent applied to
a Texan to take out a policy. The
Texan replied: " A fellows life is so
confoundedly uncertain iB this eoun-
try that it's not worth insuring.
SPEAKING oflast words, that was a
strikingly appropriate remark OF a
California stage driver, who on his
death bed was visited by brother
q whip" Said he, Bill, I'm on the.
down grade. and can't reach the
brakel"
A FERRYMAN, while plying over
water which was only slightly agitated,
was asked by timid lady in his boat
whether any persons were ever lost IN
that river. "Oh nc" said he, we
always find 'em agin the next day"
"BUT if I put my money in the saw
ings bank," inquired one of the newly
arrived, when can [ draw it out
again2P Och, replied his Hibe-
rlan friend, sure an If you put it in
to day You can draw it out to moTT ow
q by giving fortnights notice..
JONES, a hard drinker, in Massa-
chusetts, had fit and was bled. A
neighbor held the candle. and another
warned him to be careful not to set
fire to the blood. Jones heard the
remark. There's no danger, be
growled, Its Smiths run"
ssfrAa seHOoLMtsTREss once asked a
pupil to tell what word s double u
spelt? The child was but dub, SO the
mistress cried ont: What is it, you
duacs, l do with my eyes?" "Oa,
yes" said the child, quickly taking
the hint, Il know the word now,
ma'am-S- dOuble-B, squintl'
In certain Sunday School in San
Francisco each scholar that Is IL his
mace before opening school receives "a
ticket for punctua lIty. a correspond
eat having gone early to school one
Sunday, observed a class of six or
seven boys. aged from seven to twelve
wears, all Of respectable parentage,
throwing dice to decide who should
have the whole lot Of punctgality
tickets. lie stood aghast at such de-
pravity, Ia such a place, on such a
day, especially when one urchln roared
out: Skies I've won; give US the
p0olr
HENRY WARD BEECHER asked Park
Benjamin, the poet and humorist, lIy
he never came to Brooklyn to hear
him preach. Why, Beecher," re-
piled Benjamin, : the fact is, l have
conscientious scruples against going
to places of amusement on Sunday. =
A DUTCHMAN once met an IRISH.
man ou a lonely highway. As they
met, each smiled, thinking he knew
the other. Pat, on seeing his mistake
remarked, with look OF dlsappoint
ment, Faith, an L thought 1t wa
you, an you thought it was me, an
It's hayther of Us" The Datchmal
replied +" YaW, dat is'g dhru: l an
auuder man, and you is not yourself
we pc both some other podles.
DURING the cross examination Of
3 witness be was asked where his fathe
was. To which question, with a mel
ancholy air, he replied: Dead, 81
-dropped off very suddenly, sir !
How came he to drop off suddenly ?
was the next question. = Foul pla5
sir-the Sheriff imposed on his un
suspicious nature, and getting him t
coon a platform to look at a selec
audience. suddenly knocked q SINAI
tran door out from under him. and i
falling he got entangled 10 a ropt
from the effects Of which he expired.