The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1869-12-16
How Werked in Practice.


How ltWorked in Practice.
Mr.. Smith, We beg his pardon Caes-
ar Augustus Smith, Esq, edited the
Bupgt0tou Gudrd;an in a creditable
manner, and did very fair business,
considering that Bungtown was but three
hours ride by rail from considerable
city, which we will call Chicago.
We say in a cTeait-able manner, for
there was little cash in 1t, but there was
a great deal Of exchange, by which the
editors wardrobe and pantry, and wood
pile were sufficiently benefited.
However, about the time that the Free
Trade League was using It's forty thous-
and dollar subscription to buy up the
rural press, Mr. Smith got new idea,
the great idea of British political eccno
my, which is the cheapest article ct the
kind in the market $50 cheap, indeed,
that it costs nothing, and the vendors
will even pay you for using IT. the e1-
traordnary idea which covers all points
Of faith and practice, winch ln9rlcades
the wit ike British oil, and shines up
the intellect equal to British lustre VIZ:
Iz5g~'' Buy7cheTe you can bRy cheapest
Simple, is it not? 1t seemed SO to
er. does it not? It's the sort OF axiom
that might have been made by one 81
the seven wise men OF Greece. Much more
appropriate, in fact, to be written up oAer
the front door OF temple OF Inscribed
upon cornerstone, than that stniad
know thyself, " OF Ihaies, the Mile
sian.
Smith determined to put this glorious
idea In practice. -,
A6out this time, also, he devoted the
columns of the Guardian to the enllGht-
epment of the Bungtowners, on the sub
iect of Free Trade, its beauties, economies,
&c.
The result may hest be shown by re-
porting a scene which occurred IN the
editors sanctum, after the new pro
grammc had been in operat o. 70 a while,
Somehow patronage had been failing
away, and the GaGrdtG@ vas getting INTO
bad case, when Orton, the furniture
msn, dropped in, in response to a very
pressing request to settle his bill.
'No," he said, ''he believed he
wouldn't continue his advertisement. .
mo, he said very positive; La tact ne
would be ID if he renewed his sub
scription to the paper.
"Look here, said Smith. Il don
ike to part this way with you what $
the matter? Amt the Guardian up to the
mark? Why. sir, the political essays
in it, its viudication of the principles ct
free trade, and its exposure OF the selfish
schemes of the Pennsylvania iron mat
ters. are alone worth double the price OF
subscription. Yet, here you, and Others
of the best business men of the, place
Patton, the grocer at the corner, and
Jones, the tailor, and others have with
drawn your patronage from me. W hat
does it mean"
1T means just this, said Orton,
ssThat | m lust as good ree-trader as
ANYBODY, but I want the trade little my
wav. Where did you get the new chairs
and desk, with which you have furnished
this Office ?"
ssWhy. the fact is, Mr.. Orton, that |
pviced yours, but | happened to be III
Chicago. and found that | could get
them cheaper there, and, well, 'bny
where YOU can buy the cheapest Is the
first maxim OF free trade. l hope you
don t complain OF that !? =, :,
Complain !! We'll. that 5 cool-that' 5
internally cool. [ advertise column
with You, at hundred dollars year, and
Won make me pay it, up III cash ana senu
tbe money to that furniture man IN Chi-
"Wen, well, Mr.. Orton, I had no idea
that YOU would think hard OF 1t, as you
are a sound free trader.
sSee here, Smith. / think that Jones
remarked TO me when we were noticing
your new suit OF clothes, that you goi
them in Chicago. He's stopped his col
umn advertisement. too, L beHeve.
"Yes. he has, and | assure you | fee
hurt by it.
And, ifI don't mistake, Patton was
at the station, and saw half barrel OF
sugar, a bag of coffee, box OF soap, ,and
a genera assortment Of groceries. that
yon had purchased in Chicago. Hss Pat
ton dropped his half a column
''Yes, he's dropped it. and If you al
| Quit in that way, | can't sustain The
| Ge,rdida, and the principles OF Tree
! trade.
''The devil take your free trade--it'
no trade at all for US, interrupted Or
| ton.
But, sIr. Orton, don't get into ;
passion, beg Of you. How am L to sus
tain the Guar3jIn 2"
s.i,assion, indeed | never was coole
in nv life never What is it to me
sir-whst do | care about? You'd bet
ter take the Guardian to your i d----l
Chicago!" E'c@ orion,
Mr.. Smith ccgitated deeply, and tn
result was that the famous free trad'
Ban aehere you can buy cheapest,
Which lively sailor usually nailed t
a tall mast above the editorial head Q
the Guardiaa, no longer fioated IN tht
breeze, but in its stead there appeared
neat group of implements. consisting {,
the plough, the loom, and the anvil
surrounded with this legend
Pdtroaize Home Industry.
! = Some time since at St. Josepl
Louisa NJ. Williams obtained a divore
from her husband. Soon after she dis
covered that she was not half as mad a