The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1869-06-24
Tie First Battle.

The First Battle.
We recently proclaimed an ''irrepressloie
conflict between the "Satan'' and ourself.
Our readers are doubtless anxious to acquire
a knowledge of the situation.
We desire to say at the outset thaI our
courage and eagerness fer the fray had SUD
sided very sensibly, from the first heat OF
writing. before we served our declaration OF
war on the enemy. Indeed, we can scarce
acquit ourselves of cowardice and treachery
in that we failed to apprise the prime minis
istep of our adversary of the true nature OF
the message we delivered to him. We as
sumed our most cheerful face, and iEtlmated
that we had written sort of blameless squib,
whose main object was to caution contribu-
tors to the g Column" against prolixty,
meantime treacherously pointing to that un
derlined sentence in our manuscript wherein
said contributors were entreated to econo
nize space. He smiled graciously, and pro-
claimed his belief in "them sentiments.
thus evading ali immediate conflict, we
blandly asked whenthe proof would be ready,
and upon ascertaining the time, suddenly
reeollected an important errand that needed
prompt attention. 88 bHa 1
So high was the hope and confidence which
our success thus far had inspired that when
the time came to read the proof we assembled
the Office stairs with bounding step and an
elasticity of spirit refreshing to behold.
When we entered the room, however, our
feelings underwentsa sudden revulsion. We
oF min n
the foe that was present. The study of their
faces would have delighted physiognomlst
One raised a terrible hand slowly till it at
tanned the exact direction of our heart, and
then said, in tones whose mingled contempt,
indignation and denunciation still ring IN our
cars. .There is the man who attributes all
the evils of the race to the devil;" where
upon they all fgroaned simultaneously. Our
eHemy stood before us, and dabollcal grin
distorted his features and even shook his
frame, We thought we detected some faint
symptoms of sympathy in the countenances
of one or two. The pfime minister, who was
SO ready to.agree with our sentiments when
we brought in the manuscript, cast q sinister
look upon us but with the nonchaalnce of
an accomplished diplomat courteously pointed
out a portion of our proof, and suggested
that we would find the rest ain there, J"
pointing to the sanctum.
BY this time we began to comprehend that
we were not only in the enemy's country, but
that we were to be forced into battle. We
examined the proof. For the first time since
our connection with the office not single
a.
error could we detect. Baffied and disap-
pointed, we approached the sanctum to seek
further. There novel sight met our as
tonished gaze. It's presiding genius had be-
come an ally Of the enemy. On the table
before him lay spread out, in all its length, a
sheet covered with excruciating specimens of
chirography, which we recognized too well
as the manuscript of our war message. Our
new foe held in his hand the proof sheet, and
ever and anon compared it with the manu-
script smile of triumph lighted up his
features as he beheld us. ''Ahp' said he,
'tyou are the man wanted to see. have
Just read through the first paragraph of your
article, and l find the composition has left out
foug commas which you inserted. He isan
expert. I agree Nth HIM" The circum-
stances and surroundings of the occasion had
made US ere this resolve to capitulate. We
therefore bowed to his superior Judgment
and thus went through the whole article.
We have no disposition nor much reason to
claim victory in this first battle. 1t will be
seen that we were compelled to act on the
defensive-that the enemy chose his ground,
and made desperate attack on our pune
t,tation. We acknowledge the loss of host
of commas which were taken from US. For
one period lost we captured colon, while for
another we obtained an exclamation point.
We trust that the result of this battle may
be lesson to the friends and allies which
we expect to join Us in future contests After
oar experience, they will not come with un
trimmed lamps, as did the foolish virgins of
old. We trust, too-and our hope and trust
is stronghold the kind Providence which
converts evil into good may cause this "war'
to benefit our readers. 6-
Education and Success.
1t is solemn fact that few men have ar
80 vaA Of