Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-11-26
HulnOr.

HumOr.
Pale creatures maids.
Rather heavy dish-a pig Of iron.
An obsequious mantle undertaken.
Pressing business-That Of an editor.
Impudence-To ask lawyer if he ever
told a lie.
A wheel, unlike horse, turns the better
for being tired.
Age should always precede beauty-there-
fore let the old folks retire before ten o'clock.
Advertisement by lady on the shady
side Of forty-"Lost, host of charms"
Hunting parties to thePacifc slope COM
plain that euchre is the only game they can
get.
A profane lady told her daughter the
other day that "them stockings were darn
ed-nice"
The man who was laboring to build up
reputation suspended operations for want OF
bricks.
When can designing man be seen thro'!
When he has pain in his back and pain
in his breast.
Mrs. Partingtons says that because some
girls are stars it is no reason why they
should he regarded as heavenly bodies.
An unpoetical Yankee has described la
dies lips as "the glowing gateways Orleans,
pork, sour crout, and potatoes"
If you want to kiss a pretty girl, why
kiss her-if you can. fla pretty girl wants
to kiss you, why, let her-like man.
An old bachelor thinks the trains Of la
dies dresses Internal machines, from the fact
that blow-up took place directly after he
had put his foot on one.
A young lady who drew gentleman's
wrapper at recent gift concert in Water
bury, Conn, now wants a gentleman to put
into it.
"Cufee, is that the second bell?" "No,
massa, dat's the second ringing OBJ de fuss
bell We hadn't got no second bell in dis
hotel"
"Would the devil beat his wife if he had
one ?" asked Mrs. Sniggins Of her husband.
.'Guess not )" replied the imperturable Snig-
gins, for woman generally beat the devil
When clergyman kills his wife in Chi;
..y~.-Al--r-roIs Sfaore cau IL ministerial
Uxoricide," which is enough Of itself to pro-
yoke any man to kill the author.
In Nevada specie is so scarce that a jingle
Of half dollar can be heard from one end
of the State to the other. tits SO scarce in
this State that we can't even hear the Gin
gle."
A little boy having broken his rocking
horse the day it was bought, his mamma
began to scold, when he silenced her by en-
curing: "What is the good of boss till
it's broke ?"
During recent freshet in Connecticut e
Waterbury editor Telegraphed another at
the scene of action, Send me full particulars
of the food The answer came, you will
find them in Genesis
A stump orator exclaimed, II know no
north, no south, no east, no west, fellow
citizens p "Then," exclaimed an old farmer
in the crowd, sit is time you went to school
and larnt jogrophy."
Men are said to have stronger attach
ments than women. 1t is evinced in little
things A man is often attached to an old
hat; but did you ever know of woman
having an attachment for an old bonnet?
A photographer in Massachusetts was re-
Gently visited by q young woman who with
sweet simplicity asked: GLOW long does it
take to get photograph after you leave
your measure? ,ts
A shoemaker, minus an optic, complained
that one of his lamps did not burn. A gen.
uine son of the Emerald Isle with astonish-
ment exclaimed: ''Faith, and what do you
want Of two lamps? you haven't but one
eye!"
An old lady pretends to "know all about
it, says the only way to prevent steamboat
explosions is to make the engineers "bile
their water on shore" In her opinion, call
the Dustin is done by cooking the steam on
board the boat"
A lady. at her marriage requested the
ClcISy unh VI give ouo w ue SuuB ny tut
choir the hymn commencing
'This is the way long have sought.
And mourned because found him not"
A lady having tainted at ball, some be-
nevolent person began bathing her tenn
pies and head with vinegar, upon which she
suddenly started up and exclaimed, ''For
heavens sake putnothing OF. that will change
the color Of my hair.'
A popular author gives the following ad-
vice to wives:
-Should you find it necessary, as you I'M
doubtedly will, many Of you to chastise your
husbands, you should perform this affection
ate duty with the soft end of the broom, not
with the handle.''
We find the following in the Cincinnati
Gazette:
With whiskers thick upon my face,
Invent my fair to see;
She told me she could never love
"bear'' faced chap like me.
shaved them clean, then called again,
And thought my troubles DER.
Sh@ ialghed outright, and said was
More Hbare-faeed" than before
A party of sentimental young ladies were
recently overheard by their teacher reciting
the following arithmetical exercise Two
glances make one look two looks make one
sigh; four signs make one waltz; three
ana uoJp;foto +,vo ,o1,:l.4..