The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1869-12-14
Ny Wifc's Bridal Tour.
BY NOSE SKINNER.

uel HlafTleu my SecOnu WHc, she
was dreadful set about going off on
bridal tour. l told her she'd better wait
six months or year, and I'd try to 70
with her, hut she said she'd rather 90
aIone---when women was travelling q
tmdn was an out-and oat humbug
SO gave her seventy-ffve cents, and
told her to go off and have good time.
l never begrudge money where MY wife's
happiness is concerned. My first wife
never could complain of not going any,
where's, for I'm dreadful fierce to go OF
on good time myself, and always was.
| don't pretend to say how many times
| took her out to see the engine squirt
- and there was no end to the free lee
lures | let her go to. The neighborsz
used to say sit does beat all how the
Skiiners 90 gor' .Y.
When Signor Blitz was in Slunkyille,
with his wonderful canaries, He gave ffi4
wife a complimentary ticket. l not only
sold that ticket for my wife, but gave
her half the money don't boast OF it
though; Crily mention it to show how
mach / Thought of my wife's happiness,
don't think any man ought to get
married till he can consider his wiie's
happiness only second to his own. JoIi1
Wise, a neighbor of mine, did thusly;
and when l got married, l concluded I'd
do like Wise.
But the plan didn't work in the case
of my second wife. No, / should say
not. l broached the subject kindly.
matilda" 1 SAID, 81 suppose you are
aware that l am now your lord aud mas
ter"
"Not much you aaiint," said she. pv
"Mrs. Skinner" replied, "you are
fearfully demoralized. You need reor-
ganizing at once. You are cranky
And brandished my new sixty two cent
umbrella wildly around her. ssa
She took the umbrella away from me,
and locked me up in the clothespress.
am quick to draw an inference, and
the inference l drew here was, that I
was not success as roOrganizet of
female women. -
After this changed my tactics. let
her have her own way, and the plan
worked to a charm from the very first.
It's the best way of managing VIE
that know Of OF course this is be-
tween you and me.
So when my wife said she was bound
to 90 off on "a bridal tour anyhow, l cor
daily assented. .,
| "Go. Matilda" said 1, ssand stay as
long as you want to; then if you feel as
though you would like to stay little
while longer, stay, my dear, stay" sd
| She told me to stop TALKING, and cd
up stairs and get her red hannel night,
cap, and that bag of peiihy royal fer icr
Aunt Abigail @ ..3aa
My wife is a very smart woman. She
was Baxter, and the Baxters are very
smart family indeed. Her mother, who /,
is going on eighty, can fry more. slap
jacks now, than half these primpcd-up
city girls, who rattle on the piano, or
else walk the streets with their furbeiowS
and tixings, pretending to get mad ifsaE
young chap looks at 'em pretty hard, but
getting mad in earnest if you don't take
any notice of them at all.
All. girls amt what they used to be
when l was young, and the fellows arer
worse still. When went cedrtiDg, for
instance, never thought of staying till.
after ten o'clock, and only went twice q
week. Now they go seven nights in a
week, and cry because there aint eight
Tien they write touching notes to each
other during the day. dear George
do you love me as much as you did at
quarter past twelve last l i yht? Say you
do, dearest, aud it will give me courage
to 60 down to dinner and tackle them
cold beans, left over from yesterday ~
Well, well, suppose they enjoy theni-
selves, ,and it amt for us old folks, whose
hearts have got little calloused by long
wear, to interfere. Let them get togeth
er and court, if they like itAand / think
they do. / was forty-seven when l cour7d
ted my present wife, but it seemed just,
as nice to sit on little cricket at her
feet, and let her smooth my hair, rs Il
did thirty years ago. a# lss ~, e.
| AS said before, my wife is Very
smart woman, but she couldn't be aiiy-,,
thing else, and be a Baxter. She used
to give lectures on Womap's .Rights,and
in one place where she, lecturcd, a big
! college conferred the title of l.. l.. d:
upon her But she wouldu'ttakeit "No;,,
gentlemen said she, "give it 10 the,
poor She was alwayt just SO charita
bic. She gave my boys permission to
I go baretooted all winter and insisted
upon it SO, much in her hind way, thas
they couldn't refuse lssg,s.
She fairly dotes OH my children; aiia
! I've seen her many time GO to theit
trowsers pockets and take out their pen
mics after they'd got to sleep, and put
them in her liarear drawer for fear they
might lose them .&as-oyu
i l started to tell you about my wife's
bridal tour, but the fact is, never could
!, Hid out much about it myself. believe
she had good time. She came back
improved in health, and found out. boz
fore She been in the house twenty four.
hours, that she'd gained in strength also.
l don't say how found it out. simply
say found ii out. Fae ~.
| In conchlsiop,I would say to ali voting
men: Marry your second wife firstj and
keep out of debt by all means; cveH IL
you have to borrow money to do IT,
LoSroN, December 3-Dispatches from
Rome announce that presynodal coh-
ference WAS held yesterday, when i pit
pal allocution was delivered and the
oaths administered to the officers of t. 9
: Ecumencial Council
The Times to-day ays things at Rome
are aug'lring ill Tor the Council Galli
ansm is rampant, the Austrian German
Bishops demur to the dogma of infalli-
bility,and disc 7 | is unprecedented among
the Italians. Antonelli is shaking hi,
head at 4 performance in which he never
felt sympathy 1t will be some time be
fore it can became clear whether tho
Council will bring the Church peace Of
s q sword .til to