The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-04-03

her to WORK some, OF course but he loved
her "a heap more" than he loved Polly
Jones, or Patience Perkins, or Sally
Simpson, or any them gals" He loved
her with his whole heart, and he would
be the most .'niserablest' man is the
country if she didn't revoke her decision,
and come over and be his wife and at
tend to things generally.
The widow. instead of reposing in the
| arms of Morpheus, as she ought to have
| been was waiting aud listening at the
keyhole to see that everything went
straight and at this critical moment she
! allowed her anxiety for the match to get
the better of her prudence, and she sang
out:
''Sal, you'll be the biggest fool in crea-
tion if you don't hev him. He's got
| twenty y-acre lot and two steers. Hev him
| quick. I'd be glad of the chance"
| The little speech of the widows, spo-
ken through the leyhole, instead of help
ing matters, only spoiled the courting for
that evening. and put the now frightened
Joel to instant flight. He grabbed his
hat and struck out for home. The widow
! then came from her chamber and stormed
| furiously.
"You shaller thing. what have you
done? You'll never get such another
chance, and l hope you'll be an old maid
as long as you live"
| Sally exeitedly, Il am goin to marry no
man jest tew dew work for him. Jest
think how provoking he was. IF he had
asked me right, l might have he'd him
but instead of fallin' on his knees and
graspin one of nay hands in his, and
striking his breast with t'cther, and
askin' me to be his bosom companion
and walk with him down the stream of
life, or some sich highfalution talk, he
axed me tew come over and dew things
tew his house. Ketch me marryin' a
man who doesn't know any more than
that about akin gal to bev him.
you'll rue the day, I'll bate" said
the widow and she smoothed her temper
and the ruffies in her nightcap, and went
back to bed.
The next day Henry met Joel at the
viliage-store, and as he knew of the pro-
ceedings of the previons night. he suick-
cred rather loud to be agreeable to the
vanquished lover. Joel rushed at him
and grabbed him by the collar
Meow" said he "if you ever tell, I'll
wallop you-I will, by jingo."
Henry declared he would be as close
as an iron safe, aud then he added:
''If you want to marry Sally, I'll tell
you how you can get her"
Chow how" inquired Joel catching
at the words of hope as drowning man
would catch at a straw.
Henry liked Joel. He knew that
he io1
and honest heart as ever beat in the
breast of man. Many time had he
been befriended by the man with a frowsy
head, and he knew of no one be would
rather have for brother-in-law never
therless the funny scene of the previous
night would rise before him and he
could scarce control his Iisibilities. Hen
ry had been awakened by his mothers
anxious appeal to Sally to accept the
hand of Joel, and he knew all that had
| trans spired.
"Well, JOEL" said Henry, call you
have to do is to ask her again, but you
will have to ask her in different way
Sally has been reading novels, and
| they've turned her head. Now if you
want to win her, pile up the agony-pile it
high-pile 1t as high as Mount Olympus,
and then she'll accept you. Fall on your
knees and strike your breast and swear
| you'll be the inmate of a lunatic-asylum
before week, if she does not agree. to
make you happy by sailing with you ON
the ripping stream Of life. Pile the
agony high. Pile highfalutin upon high
| falutin, and top it off with highfalutin,
| and then you'll win her. 1t isn't any
difference whether you put in the right
| words in the right place or whether you
put them in the wrong place-it's all the
same to Sally. All you have to do is put
in your biggest licks, and you'll carry
| the day."
"Gosh," said the happy lover, "is that
all that's in the way? ln bate I'll fix
| her."
"One word more" said Henry. as Joel
| in his joy was bounding away; land YOU
won't be offended ?"
40, no; in course notw responded
Joel.
swell, comb your head before YOU
come, and button your vest, and put your
trowserloons outside your boots"
"O! exclaimed the astonished Joel,
light breaking in upon him.
"Sally likes fellow to be sort fxey,
you know" said Henry.
"Gosh" again exclaimed the happy
Joel, ssIll bate Til fix her."
Joel went home one of the happiest
fellows in creation. He hunted up all
the novels in the house and borrowed
more from the neighbors. Then he went
to work and studied them to the detri-
| ment of the twenty-acre lot and the
steers, and at the end of the two weeks
! he considered himself perfect.