The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1869-09-30
The Hornet.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

THE hornet is inflamible bugger, sud
den in his impreshuns and hasty in his
conclusion, or end.
His natral disposishen il a warm cross
| between red pepper in the pod and fusil
oil, and hiz moral bias IL, "git out ov mi
way"
They hav long, black boldly, divided
in the middle by a waist spot, but their
| phisikal Importance lays at the terminus
| of their suburb, in the shape of a javelin
This iavelin IL alwuz loaded, and stands
reddy to unload at a minuit's warning, and
enters man az still az thought az spry az
litening, and az full ov melankolly az the
toothake.
Hornets never argy a case; they settle
aWl ov their differences oT opinyun by let
ting their javelin fly, and are az certain to
hit as mule H.
This testy kritter lives in congregations
numbering about one hundred souls, but
whether they are male or female, or con-
sentative, or matched in bonds ov we'd
lock, or whether they are Mormons, and
a good many ov them king together and
keep one husband to save expense, | don't
kno nor don't kare f'.f
| never hav examined their habits
much, l never considered it healthy
Hornets bid their nest wherever they
| take noshun to, and seldom are dis
| turbed, for what would it profit man to
kill 80 hornets and hay the one hundredth
one hit him with hiz iavelin?
They bid their nests ov paper, without
emmy windows to them or back doors.
They hay but one place ov admission, and
the nest liz the shape ov an overgrown
pineapple, and IL cut UP into just as menny
bedrooms as their IL hornets
1t liz very simple to make hornets nest
if you kan, but will wager emmy man 300
dollars he kant bid one that he could sell
to a hornet for half price
Hornets are az bizzy as their second
couzzins, the bee, but what they are about
the Lord only knows; they don't lay up
emmy honey, nor emmy money; they seem
to be bizzy only !jist for the sake ov work
ing all the time; they are alwus in az
much ov hurry az tho they waz going
for dol1ter
l suppose this uneasy world would grind
around on its aXle-tree onst in "a hours,
even eff there want emmy hornets, but hor-
nets must be good for sumthing but 1 can't
think now what it IT,
Thare hain't been a bug made vet in
| vain, nor one that want a good job, thare
IL ever lots ov human men loafing around
blacksmith shops, and cider mills, all over
| the country, that don't seem to be neces-
| sary tor anything but to beg plug tobacco
and swear, and steal water-melons, but
| yu let the cholera break out once, and
then yu will see the wisdom of having
jist SIGH men laying around they help
/ count. 2 oiaa
Mex tew the cockroach, who stands tew
| the head, the hornet haz got the most
waste stummuk, in reference tew the rest
| ov his body, than emmy ov the insec popu-
lashun, and here liz another mystery
what on 'arth duz a hornet want SO mulch
reserved corps for? 7E
l have jist thought-tew carry hiz lave
lin in; thus yu see, the more we diskover
about things the more we are apt to know
1t IL always good purchase tew paw
out our last surviving dollar for wisdum
and wisdum is like the MYSTERIOUS hens
egg, it amt laid in yure hand, but liz laid
away under the barn, and yu have got tew
sarch for it. ~ a 5359d 7nYo3
The hornet liz an unshoshal kuss, he IL
more naughty than he liz proud, he liz a
| thoroughbred bug, BIZ: his breeding and
retirement has made him like sum other
folk / kno ov, dissatisfied with himself and
every boldly else, too much good breeding
ackts this way sometimes.
Hornets are long-lived-I kant state list
how long their lives are, but know from
lnstinkt and observashun that emmy kritter
be he bug OF be he devil, who liz mad al
the time and stings every good chance he
kan git, generally outlives all his nabers
The only good way to git at the exact
! hteing weight ov the hornet is tew tutcl
him, let him hit you once with his javelin
and you will be willing to testify in court