The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-29
Hill ats Onutar.

Az W @spp <J $ps%tpee
Does hen ever lay her own
plans
Lady bathers IRE diving bellies.
A bad omen-To owe men mon
ey.
A time serving people-Watch-
makers.
A broad grin is seldom seen ona
long face.
The ghost of turkcy-When he
10 a goblin.
Does a plaster placed 1pon q
shin become a shin-plaster
- Biddy came back from whortle,
berrying, and was asked II she round
The berries plenty. "Sure, yes, put
the dhry weather has made them so
small that it takes quart to make a
half pint"
While an old farmer in Conectl-
aut was fiogging one of It's graceless
sons. puml kin headed boy ofeigllteen,
an idea all of sudden entered into the
head of young Jonathan and he sang
out, "Stop dad-l,t's argue.
The other day policeman took
in charge lost child, and proceeded 10
hunt -up its parents. On being asked
By a lady what the matter was, ne re-
piled, "here is an orphan child, ma'am,
and am trying to find its parents.
a Methodist church in the west.
asked the conference to send them q
sine lie minister. The request was gran-
ted. but the designated pastor stopped
on the way and got married.
- An abscntminded gentleman IN
tending to scratch his head in church,
reached over and performed the opera
ton for an old maid who was In the
next new. He discovered his mistake
when he found himself defendant In a
action for breach of promise.
A gentleman being asked by a
clergyman why he did not attend the
evening prayer meetings, said that he
could not leave the children. NV hat,
have YOU no servants ?" "Tes, he re-
piled, .we have two servants, who keep
the house and board us, but we are al
lowed few privileges"
An old widow lady in Massachu-
setts whose husband has been dead for
20 wears or more, declined to illuml-
nate her house in honor OF Grants cleo
ton on the evening of November 3rd.
because she couldn't remember which
side OF politics poor, dear. Jake was
on.r
- A dandy, strulting about tav-
srn, took up pair OF green spectacles
which lay on the table, put them on his
nose, and turning to the looking glass
sa:d Landlord how do these become
me Don't you think they improve
my looks ~
II think they do, they hide a part of
your face so well.
-A man stopped one of our repor-
:ers the other day, and asked him what
he considered the height of provocation.
OF course he didn't know. "Well, SIR"
said he sin my judgement is waking a
newly married couple at four O'Clock in
the morning to inquire il they want to
buy any potatoes z"
An irish waiter once compli-
mented a salmon in the following man
ncr
sFaith, its not two hours since that
salmon was walking around in his raal
estate with his hands in his pockets,
never draining what pretty nvitash-
I'M he I'd have to jine you glntlemen at
dinner"
An old lady who was asked what
she thought of neigbor of hers by the
name OF Jones, and with knowing
wick replied, why, don't like to say
anything about my neighbors but as
to Mr.. Jones, sometimes think, and
then again, don't know after all, 1
rather guess he II turn out to be good
deal such sort of man | take him to
be-"
A lovely boy of three years,
whosA father bought house requiring
some additional furniture being brought
into il when All the tixings had been
CONF leted and the rest of the family
were there remarked:
"Why, mamma you have got some
new carpets, eh Z"
Then after further examination of
the furniture
stAnd you have got some nice new
chairs, too-ain't you mamma 2"
Being placed at the tea table soon at
ter, and told to keep still while his fa-
Their asked blessing, he exclaimed AS
soon as it was finished
"Why, that is the same old blessing,
pa"
A correspondent asks Shake
spearean students the following ques-
tions
Whether the weak invention of the
enemy was patented, and required
seven days to complete it
Did grim yisaged war smooth ''his
wrinklrd front" with a flat iron :?
Would the bondsmen's key that Shy
lock proposed to use, open the "gory
locks" that Banquo shook at Macbeth?
Was Hamlet thinking OF his mother
in-law when ne spoke OF visage like
mars to threaten and commando"
Did Richard apostrophize the "Win-
ter OF our discomfort" because he
thought of going on a Staying excursion
among his relations
After the ghost told Hamlet that he
was his fathers spirit and requested
him to .smarkr him, would he have been
justified in putting IS. !. lS6O-A on
his back
When the witches wished Macbeth
"all hail. was it because they thought
he would have a storny reign!
Was it not something of waist when
Puck '.put a girdle around the earth in
forty minutes ?"