St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1869-09-10
EUcPfjU.


TUftIiH.
little nonseu-e and then
Is relished by the wisest men
Long division-a divorce.
Skylights-The sun, moon and stars
The end Of everything-The letter G
The hardships of the occan-The iron
clads.
Motto for boarding. -houses-No piece
repeated.
The young man who asked the daugll-
ter's hand and got the fathers foot haG
the consolation of knowing that his WOO
ing was not bootless
"My boy" said distinguished mer.
chant TO his son, who was medtatinn
matrlmony, ''be sure in your selection, to
get hold of a piece Of goods that will
wash"
\ young man of limited intelligence.
who was recovering from Il long fit OF
illness, being informed by his physician
that he ''might venture now upon little
animal food" exclaimed, '.No you don't,
doctor. I've suffered enough on your
cruel and stuff, and hang me if I'll touch
any OF your hay and oats
Rev. Mr.. E was preparing his
discourse for the next Sabbath, stopping
occasionally to review what he had writ
ten, and to erase that which he was dis
posed to disapprove, when he was ac-
cO-ted by his little son who had number
ed but five summers Father, does
God tell you what to preach !'' Ger
tainly. my child" Then, what makes
you scratch it out p
| When Mr.. Lincoln and Mr. Douglas.
in the summer of 1873, made their mem-
Orabe canvass Of Illinois for the United
States senatorship, they frequently met
on the same hustings and addressed the
same audience. On one of these occa-
SiOns, after Judge Douglas had made one
OF his most eloquent speeches, it came
Mr.. Lincoln's turn. Throwing oft his
over coat, he handed it to a young man
near by, and said, in his droll way
"llerc. you hold my clothes while | stonc
St,phei, -
Some little time since Il young gentle
man ot serious turn, but scarcely ut ttut
in the matter OF literature, called at a
book store III the city OF Syracuse to make
a purchase. After taking deliberate
and satisfactory survey Ot the well stock
cd shelves, he beckoned to Il clerk. and
pointing to Il volume before them. re-
marked: "I'vc looked over all YOUR
books but don't see anything | care to
buy unless it be that book on holy games,
which | think would suit" The book
proved TO be ''IIoyIe oa GamcS.''
\ Mi>-ourian informed traveller.
who inquired about his corn. that each
stalk had nine ears ON it and was fifteen
feet high. That's nothing to our corn
replied the traveller up in Illinois.
where | came from, we always had nine
ears 10 each stalk, and a peck of >helled
corn hanging to each ta>Sel but we
could never raise any field beans with it,"
why ;" because the corn grew so
fast that it always pulled the beans up Sc
At one of our army hospitals there
was practising SURGEON who had the
reputation of loving the knife and saw
he loved TO hew and hack the poor pa
tlentS brought to the hospital, to show Oft
his skill. Alter one OF his last opera
tons on a wounded soldier. the surgeons
attendant stood looking at the two pieces
OF mortality lying on the surgeons table.
Nv hat are you doing, sir ?" sharply ask
eel the surgeon. Il was waiting for YOU
to point out which piece is to be put to
bed and which is to be buried"
Mart. Brown, an Oregon reporter,
thus does up the Pacific: This ocean is
supposed TO be the largest body of salt or
fresh water on the Pacific coast, and con-
scquently is named after said coast. 1t
is owned by B. llolladay N Co. George
+. Train discovered it in 1869, but didn't
take it with him to his palace ut New
port by the sounding sea. 1t is still over
there on the coast, salted down, and is
called the ''briny deep" As Byron and
several other individuals have published
descriptions OF it in full, we will say
nothing further at this time than to re-
mark that il is "a biz thing"
While Thad. Stevens was young
lawyer, he once had a case before bad
tempered Judge Of an obscure Pennsyl-
vania court. Under what he considered
a very erroneous ruling, it was decided
against him; whercupon he threw down
his books and picked up his hat in a high
state of indignation, and was about to
leave the court room, scattering impreca-
tionS ali around him. The Judge
Strengthened himself to his full height,
assumed an air of offended majesty, and
asked Thad. if he meant to express his
contempt for this court !'' Thad. turned
to him very deierentially, made Il re-
spcctruI bow, and replied, in teigned
amazement .'ElpreSS my contempt for
this court No, sir. | am trying to con-
ceal it, your Honor adding as he turn
ed 10 leave, ''but find it ID hard to
do it."
The Detroit Free Press wants modern
Improvements worked into school read
ing books, and offers the following as a
sample of the sort that would be up to
the spirit OF the aye:
:'Here is man. He is fireman.
He belongs to No. 10. Ii you are a
good boy, you will some day he an angel
like that fireman. 1t is dangerous
thing to be fireman. They sometimes
get their heads broken.
'Do you see that small boy1 He is
a good boy and supports his mother by
selling newspapers. His father don't
have to work any more now"
.'Here is the picture of young wild
ow. See how sad she looks Her