The Ebensburg Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1865-1871, 1869-03-18
NUMBER 80.


! Long diyisien-divorcc
1-The greatest ihguist-echo.
g Feeling fellovs-pick-pockets.s
"A matter of cOurse--horse-racing.
Behind time-the back of CLOCK
"A blunder- -buss-kissing the wrong
glri l-aets
blockbead. 4As
The man of musical turn-the organ
grinder
Capital punishment-serYing in the
Legislature
-oIu maIus-emBers from which the
sparks have fed
Changed his vocation-Grant, from
tanning to Cabinet making.
why was Noah never hungry7 Be
cause he had Ham with him.
-Beautiful extraet-a handsome lady
just helped out Of mud hole.
What is that, which, when thrown
out may be caught without hands a hint.
To remove stains from the character,
get rich.
When is a young mans arm ike the
Gospelf When it maketh glad the waist
places" z st-
"A large number of the Department
| clerks are dissatisfied with Grants Cabi-
net. Of course they viii resign ~
If time is money, most people have a
what TO do with s- e
The woodman who spared that tree,
came near freezing to death the past win
ter; on account Of the scarcity of wood
"A tombstone in Maine. erected to the
memory Of a wife, bears the inscription
Tears cannot restore her, therefore 1
weep" p"-a
There is man in town SO knowing,
that people who don't know their own
minds come to him for information on the
subject.
"A young lady went TO photograph
artist the other day and wanted him to
take her with an expression as if compos-
ing poem.
1T is supposed that the thief who was
reported in the morning papers as having
left the house, did so because be was not
able to take it with him.
/ 1T is estimated that there are ,554,-
/ 823. .436, 1885, ,524 threshing machines in
the United States, without counting the
school marnls.
-Sentimentalists sing, "Give me cot
1 in the valley I love )" but persons of
more practical turn would prefer walnut
/ French bedstead.
/ Fanny Fern having said that ''nlen
of the present day are fast, Prentice re-
/ plies that they have to be to catch the
women"
| When man and woman are made
one by clergyman, the question is which
is the one Z? Sometimes there is long
struggle between them to finally settle this
matter.
"A Snowman advertises that among his
other euriosities is the celebrated differ
enee." which has so often been split by
bargain makers. He says he has both
halves of 1t.
The man who has family and who
/ refuses to subscribe for a newspaper, de-
! bars his children the privilege of gaining
more information IN three months than
they viii in twelve attending school.
A gentleman advertises for horse
for lady of dark color, good trotter.
and of stylish action ?" The horse "must
/ be young and have a long tail about fifteen
hands high
-"Fine day for tie race" said wag
to a sporting friend one bright morning
lately. @What race ?" anxiously inquired
his friend .Why, the human race, to be
sure, was the reply
in recent temperance lecture Beech
er remarked that ireland grew no wines
One of his hearers reminded him that the
Green Isle grows whisky 'fOh, yes"
said Beecher, "I acknowledge the corn
Among the curious tombstone inscrip-
tons which have come to our ears lately,
is the following:
'Here lies, Betsy:
Where she's gone, and how she fares,
! No one knows, and no one cares"
-.'Mr Timothy said a young lady
| who had been showing off her wit at the
expense of an admirer s'you remind me of
a barometer that is filed with nothing IN
the upper story" 'Divine Alu1ira,''
meekly replied the adorer sin thanking
You for that compliment, let me remind
you that you occupy the upper story en-
tirely."
a tall eastern girl named Short loved
a certain big MrsLittle, while little Little
thinking of Short. loved little lass named
Long. To make long story short, Little
proposed to Long, ard Short longed to be
even with Littles shortcomings. So Short
meeting Long. threatened to marry Little
bef,ra loner which eauSed Little IN A short