The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1869-10-31
WIT AND WISDOM.

nose Because 1T is read to the very end.
Mr.. Punch knows young man who is so lazy
that he Will not even labor under an imp es- |
How many people, says Madame Swetehine,
are like dogs who seem to be looking for a
master. \
Genius will workits way through ,"-as the
poet said when he saw hole in the elbow of !
his coat.
The ,ertion that ladies go to church more
to display their pIettiness than their priety, is
of course Islander. al
81 despise mankind,' said an arrogant fellow
to a Clergyman / see you have studied your
own nature deeply" was the quiet reply.
At public-house in Devonshire the landlord
has painted up outside his door, Good beer
sold here, but don't take my word for it,"
A little boy out West was asked if he knew
where liars went, and answered, Yes, they
went to New York to write for the papers,"
A man lately appeared with his legs at
tenuated that the authorities had him arrested
because he had no visible means OF support.
An Iowa editor will not support for repre-
sentative n man "who is a whisky barrel in
the morning and q ,barrel of whisky at night"
90 Is that marble ?" said a gentleman, point
ing 70 the bust of kentucky's great statesr n,
i'll New York store. No, sir, that is Clay"
quietly replied the dealer. aaJ
"Don't trouble yourself TO stretch your
mouth any wider" said dentist to man who
was extending his Jaw frightfully, '' for in
tend to stand outside of tito draw your TOOTH
I At church collection for, missions, II o
preacher feeliugly said, " Ny good bI eth ~
let me caution those of you who put in buttons
not to break off the eye-it SPOTS them for~Gse."
One of Jttds's Scotch contributions says he
has no notion how much Mrs. Beecher stowe
may have got for her article Lord Byro /,
but it is pretty certain she has made :" Deil'
out of Linn.
A man who had filed petition for a divorce
was informed by his counsel that his wife had
fled a cross petition. ga cross petition" ex-
claimed the husband, chats just like her. She
never did good-natured thing in her life"
A Scotch preacher who spoke two hours and
a half was asked by a ne, ghbor, " Were you
not tired p CAV, na," said he, | was ?
fresh as II rose; but it would have done your
heart good to see kow tired the congregation
vast"
81 belie~G that mine will be the fate of Abel
said a>devoted wife to her husband one day.
Glow so?D replied her husband. I" Because
Abel was killed with club, aud your club
will kill me if you continue to visit it every
night"
A lady having discharged her cook, said,
"Thank heaven, there are no cooks in the other
world" Her little girl asked, well, mamma,
who cooks wash dayss You Know they must
have a big>%ash, as their garments are always
white"
A popular poet was much attached to lady
who was born day before him, and who did
not return his passion. Yours is hard
case,n said a friend. 'sIt is indeed }" said the
the fair"
A prudent master advised his servant to put
by his money for rainy day. lu a lew weeks
his master inquired how much of his wages he
had saved. Faith, none ut all, said he. -"
did as you bid me; it rained yesterday took
drop, and it all WENT
A man in Maine, who kept Il store, when he
sold pint of rum, always put his tnumb-an
enormously large ope-nlto themeasure, and
at the end of twenty yeas estimated that he
had sold his thumb for at least five thousand
dollars, and had it lett atcer all.
"ShalI'I help you to some tomatusses ?" in
quired a young exquisite of a venerable physj-
clan, as lie sat opposite to him at one OF our
hotel tables. = No, sir, thank YOU" said the
learned Slvan+, but / viii trouble you for
some of the potatusscs, if you please"
A discussion recently took place between two
friends on the eioquence of deputy newly
elected. Z" He has talent" said one; bat when
you hear him speak you feri convinced that he
! has no heart con the contrary, . said the
other, "everything he says is spoken by heart"
Mark Twain thinks that soda water is not
reliable as n steady drink. 1t is too gassy
The next morning, after drinking thirty eight
bottles, he foand himself full of gas and as
tight as bladder. He hadn't article of
clothing that he could wear except his UNI
brela. q.
| A nobleman observing person eminent for
| lis philosophical talents, intent upon chosing
| Celicacies at table, said to him, What, do you
| philosophers lovc dainties ~ 2" Why not, re-
turned the other you, Think my lord, the
good things of the world were made for block
heads ?"
"When stranger treats with want of
proper respect said a philosophic poor man,
" / comfort myself with the reflection that it
is not myself he Sights, but my shabby old
coat and hat, which, to say the truth, have no
particular clains TO admiration So if my
! hat and coat choose to fret about ii. let them,
| it's nothing 10 NE"
"Sir," said an old Scotch woman to her min
ister - I dinua ken part of your sermon yes
terday." " Indeed; what was it ?" " You said
the Apostle used the iigure of circun1locutien,
and l diuna ken what it means" " Is that all ?
It's very plain. The figure of circnmlocution
is merely periphrastic mode of diction.n ooh,
| is that all 2" sad the good woman. What u
puir fool was not to understand that"
| A Frenchman said to an American, " Dere is
one word in your language I do not conPre-
bend, and ali re time hear it. TattletoO, tat
tlctoo-vat you means by tattletooW The
American insisted that no such word exists in
English. While he was saying so, his servant
came to put cotrff on tho fire, when he said,
There, John, thatIl dor The Frenchman
jumped up, eXclaiming, Dere, tattletoo-you
say him yourself, sare. What means tattletoO ?"
TD,,rrr