Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1869-08-18
THE GRAIN SPECUEATOR.
a Graphic Description of the Animal
i'm his Native State.

The grain speculator, according to the
Chicago correspondent of New Orleans
paper, is a Takish-looking chap, anywhere
from twenty-five to fifty, wears the tightest
and most striped breeches, mounts nobby
tile and sports the gayest necktie out;
drives team very natty and very fast al
ways-(who ever saw a grain speculator on
foot p 'tools" down in the morning to the
Board, and ''tools" up in the evening to
hear ''Molly" twank on the piano; lunches
at Delmonico's, and after dark-let me
whisper it very Lows seen going into the
European with ''Molly'' on his arm AN
other bottle for No. 6, ,'') or is seen coming
down stairs very late from the neighbor-
hood of Aiken's muttering something
about his great lack of foresight in not
''coppering on that there ace. "
Whence comes the F'grain speculator,
aud whittier he goes when he has played
himself out, no mortal man knows He
appears suddenly, resplendent IN jewels
and striped shirts, and like comet, dashes
across the horizon Of the grain market, and
disappears as rapidly, after short, and
sometimes brilliant career, as he came.
The s'grain Speculation" is, indeed, Won
derful man. His rooms are magnificent,
and are always filed with mirrors and to-
bacco smoke He loves, with love that is
more than love, all games of chance, and
no one ever need spoil for bet while the
Fsgrain speculator" hveth, as he will stake
his bottom dollar wherever he has one
chance in fifty. He has travelled this wide
world Ger; done everything for q living, al
ways has money and diamond pin, and
wouldn't be child Of nature for any con
sideration. He is first seen seated i'll an
office in the rear of the Chamber of Com
merce with a wonderful gilt sign announc-
ing to the ignorant public that his name is
Smith, and that he is prepared to buy any
amount of grain, make ruinous advances,
sell and buy on any terms, and at the short
est notice. By II a. m. he emerges from
his Office, and joins a group Of ten or q
dozen other ''grain spectators, " and talks
with an astonishing volubility of e'shorts"
and longs" ''seller July, ''seller Au-
gust, &c. Pretty soon Brown comes
along. Brown wants to buy. Smith
wants to sell. Smith, by the way, hasn't
bushel of grain in the world; he has
only q handful in a little box on his
Office desk. Brown wants 10000 bushels
of wheat on the 1st day Of August, at sixty
cents. Smith agrees to deliver 10000
bushels at that price and on that day
Bargain closed. Smith and Brown, like
two gamecocks about to fight, eye an i'm
aginary grain of corn-thats the fuctua-
ton of the market and when TIE 1st of
August comes along, if grain can be bought
at any figure below sixty cents, Smith buys
and delivers 20, 900 bushels ard pockets the
difference. Should grain go up and be
worth seventy cents, Smith don't buy and
don't deliver. He only ''busts" (if he has
no funds to compromise with Brown, it's
all profit to Brown, who takes his chances
too) and gets put off the ''board," In
plain English, Smith bets Brown that grain
will be less than sixty cents on August l,
and Brown bets it will be more. "Heads
T win tails Won lose -