Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-10-05
Les7sch for Hit2saO3'ists.

Hi Wayerlng heart TO gulQe,
DO what / will, m single still
wish he would decide!
Las3scIt for HttnsO3'ssts.
Pair culture-Ma making.
Curiosities suffering women.
Gentlemen engaged to be married are now
politely termed husbands by brevet.
Household Words-"Bye, bye" OF 'buy,
buy''-just as circumstances require.
ST don't admire ladies' cuffs as the hus-
band said when his wife boxed his ears.
An old bachelor has to look out for number
one, the married man tor number two.
Motto for rejected suitor-He wooed and
she wouldn't He cooed aud she couldn't.
Industry must prosper as the man said
when holding the baby while his wife chopped
wood
Newly married folks are happy; young low
ers are sappy, and the weather makes one feel
gappy
The first marriage of Hindoo widow Is
reported. How can it be her first IT she was
widow?
A fond wife threw bottle of hair remover at
her husbands liea i, at which he SAID. w e must
part, the dye Is Cast.
Some tine in he future it looks as if lady
contemplating marriage might order troWs-,
ipstead Of a trosSeau.
IF YOU and your sweetheart vote upon the
marriage question. you tor 1t and she against H.
don't hatter yourself as to its being tie.
smart man in Buffalo is organizing di
Gh,caOO Tickets VIII he.
sold cheap to any one desiring divorce
A reporter for Western paper calls a mar
rage license "a preliminary way bill to De
freighted over the sea of lie together.
There is a lady at Saratoga who has drunk
8 much water from the iron spring that she
b as received an offer from shrewd blacksmith.
Scene at Long Branch THE horrid surf
makes me keep tDy mouth shut. Sarcastic
husband some of 1t home with YOU
A clergyman who performed the marriage
ceremony Is said to have read the hymn for the
choir, beginning with the words: Mistaken
souls, VINO dream Of heaven.
A gentleman accustomed to the signature Of
the firm in which he was partner, having to
sign baptismal register OF one OF bis children
entered it as the son of Smith, Jones 4 20.
A man in Maine whose wife is an Elizabeth
Cady- Dickinson-nan. has ordered tombstone
engraved, Let US have peace. He says 1t Is
not material whether It goes over him or her.
A country clergyman says he married but one
couple in year, and they paid him nothing,
remained to dinner, and then borrowed his um-
brella when they left, which he has never seen
since
An Alabama editor, in putting grocery kept
by woman, says: Her tomatoes are as red
as her own cheeks; her indigo as blue as her
own eyes, and her pepper as hot as her own
temper.
A young Partisan says that to get rid of un
welcome correspondence, he writes to the fair
one this brief epistle: Il know all. Adieu. .
It always works, for there is always something
to know.
Not long since premium was offered by an
agricuitural society for the best mode OF lrrlga-
ton, and the latter word, by mistake OF the
printer, having been changed to irritation, d
farmer sent his wife.
Oae of the pictorial weekes has fine wood
cut of the inside of railroad Car on approach
ing indianapolis, at which point the conductor
opens the door and calls out indianapolis
fifteen minutes for divorces.
~
had an inch more of happiness he could not
possibly live. His wife is obliged to roll him
on the floor and pat him with brick bat every
day to keep him from being too happy.
A Quaker III Bloomington, ILL.,, who observed
his wife looking IN at the kitchen door while he
was embracing the servant girl, thus addressed
= her -Betsey thee had better quit peeping, or
thee viii cause disturbance ln the tanIiiy.
-rs Venerable husband My dear, l have re-
: ouested you not TO go cut alone. | prefer -
Young ana Pretty Wlfe-'You prefer to go
with me always, know; but then iolks always
ask me: Is that your father or grandfather?
which questions are MOI pleasant to answer, you
know. -ala 2.-- IL 12i.@-- E-l-:t.-i.1J ~-'-i
The ruling passion was recently exhibited in
remarkable manner on the occasion OF fu-
neral An old lady had lost her husband, and
on the day of the funeral her neighhors were
somewhat tardy in appearing at the sclemnities
'sNabby," said she, ''hand NE NY knitting;
might az well be taking a few, stitches while the
gathering is taking place. - = = -~z5
T., IA stoical Scotchman Was addressed by his
sick wife On John, shant leave this bed
alive Please thee-eii, Bet'y, aud thee ii
please me, returned John with great equa-
nimlty II have been good wife TO you,
John" persisted the dying won.an. Mid
i din. Betty middlin', responded the matter
of-fact husband, -7.., -r--tlr7r,0
is Miss Smith at home o. asked Mr. John
. Saunders Of the Irish girl who answered his
ring at the doar : Yes, blave she is sir
rs she engaged?' An is it engaged, you
say? Faix, an | can tel you, Sir; but She
kissed Mr.. T!ncent last evening as if she had
, never seen the Ike of MIN, ond it's engaged !
b'laVe they are, sir,
One day an unfortunate, overwhelmed with
debts, presented himself at the office Of Pa
rlsian marriage broker, TO espouse one of the
pretended fortunes Of 8 900 francs per year
:. After receiving explanations, the broker de-
mauded, according to his CUSTOM 200 franc,
for expenses The applicant shrugged hi
shoulders, and replied: 'sDo you suppose I
should marry If | had 200 francs2" 1r'a5ao1
4 correspondent says: TT is my duty to-im-
, press upon you the certain fact that one-half
of our young people lose their senses when thew
their hearts. One of our party has al
ready written FIVE letters to his lady-loye He
cannot stand by one Of the columns of, the nj
azza, without putting his arm around its waist
and [ caught him kissing an apple to-day be-
cause it had led cheeks. T" .s7..r-. d: -
- An exchange says a neighbor who had re-
peaody been urged by some female aclnaut-
ances to accompany them to skating pond. Al
last yielded. no longer able to resist the bland
ishmentsa of his bewitching tornenturs. H,,tI
. went. Il said he put Oh a pair of skates aad
struck boldly out. and the next thing he knea
was himself in bed, the minister sitting besid
him singing rsa'm the doctor courtine hi
T. ov,I% No. ] Il =