The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-08-13

such q Grape again by asking after any
body's wife. ! did not see my friends
new wife for about month afterwards,
until one day met her in the house of a
mutual acquaintance, and, in the course of
conversation, said to her: BY the way,
might ask you to say to your husband
that / want him to come to my Office some
day next week
al don't think you know my husband,
she replied, smilingly.
"What do you mean?' said I, getting
rather nervous.
"Why, my new husband is named
Smith, she answered. Il was separated
from Mr. De Worse yesterday morning, and
married Mr.. Smith last night
II left that house pretty rapidly, and
registered second vow, to the effect that
/ would never, to my dying day, ask a
Chicago lady about her husband again.
The two. mistakes had already made, as
to Chicago wives and husbands, made me
decidedly shy of them. But the very next
day Invent into De Vorses store (corn,
pork and provisions), and found him en-
gagged in conversation with terribly angu-
lar female, who looked like a compound of
a New England old maid, Western wo-
mans rights lecturer, and an Arkansas
squatter's wife. OF course l pitied my
friend, and, when the terrible female had
departed, remarked, 4 congratulate you on
your escape; that horrible female would
have exhausted any mans patience in ten
moments conversation What was my
horror when he replied: must beg you
to speak more respectfully of that lady;
she is at present my wife-a fact of which
you are, of course, unaware, as we were
married very privately last night
81 never said word, but fed abruptly
from his presence. Once more l swOre-
and went before a Notary, who had the
biggest kind of Bible, SO as to make the
oath more binding-that never, never
would l speak disparagingly ofany Chicago
woman to any Chicago man. After that l
felt better, and, for two weeks, avoided
making any more mistakes. At the end of
that time, however, / met the new and
angular Mrs. De Worse, to whom l had, in
the meantime, been introduced, having the
liveliest kind of a quarrel with big, prize
fighting looking fellow, who was appar-
emily on the point of knocking her down.
Of course flew to her rescue, and de-
manded to know of the fellow what he
meant; also if he was aware who that lady
was, and who her husband was? To
which he briefly, sententiously, but, as
1t struck me, irreverently remarked
'Hellr
"I paid no further attention to him, but
turning to Mrs. De Worse, said: Madam!
permit me to protect you from that ruff
fans insolence!'
Instead of thanking me, she actually
slapped my face and said: I'll teach you
to interfere between man and wife. That's
my husband, and we've been married three
days It's a pretty hard thing if wife
can't stop in the street to speak to her
husband without having some idiot come
and make muss about it,
"Now," continued the lawyer "this is
not only true story, but it is a fair exam
pie of the continued trouble a man gets
into who lives in Chicago, and doesn't know
how to hold his tongue You now under
stand why / hate the Chicago customs,
and why 1 60 in for indissoluble marriages.
I never made mistake in asking man
about his wife, the whole time lived in
New York, but here have got into more
awkward places, and more lights than l
cdn count; just because no man or woman
stays married more than a month at fur
thest."
We drank weak lemonade together in
solemn thoughtfulness, and l parted from
him with the feeling that bad as it is to
be indissolubly connected with an un-
pleasant mOther-in-law, it is better than to
be constantly bothered by change of
wife. +. EMERAn.