Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1869-07-15
HOW HE CAME TO BE MARRIED.


music. i hung around the house whistling
''Old Dan Tucker" dancing to keep my
feet warm. watching the heads bobbing up
and down behind the window curtains, and
wishing the laundering party would break
up, so could get to my room. / smoked
up bunch of cigars, and it was getting
late and mighty uncomfortable, l eonclud-
ed to shin up the door post. No sooner
said than done. and soon found myself
snug in bed.
Now" says /, '.let her ripi Dance till
your wind gives out" And cuddling
down under the quilts, Morpheus grabbed
me.
/ was dreaming of soft-shell crabs and
stewed tripe, and having good time, when
somebody knocked at the door and woke me
up. Rap" again. laid low. RAP, rap,
rapr' Then / heard whispering. and knew
there was whole raft of gals outside. Then
Lib sings out:
Jack, are you there?"
''Yes, saysL l.
Then came a roar of laughter.
LET us In, said she.
"Iwont saidL "Cant you let fellow
alone?"
'Are you abed?" says She
II am, says l.
'Get out" says she.
II won't, says /.
Then came another laugh.
By thunderi / began to get riled.
''Get out, you petticoated scarec5ows2"
cried /. Cant you get beau without
hauling a fellow out of bed? I won't go
home with you'll won't, so you may clear
outr'
And throwing boot at the door, l felt
better. But presently / heard STILL small
voice, very much like sister Lbs, and it
said:
Jack, you'll have to get up, for all the
girls things are there"
Oh, mercyl what a picklel Think of me,
in bed, all covered with muffs, shawls, bon
nets and cloaks, and twenty girls outside
the door, waiting to get in Ii had stop
ped to think should have pancaked on the
spot. As it was L rolled out among the
bonnetware and ribbons in a hurry. Smash
went the millinery In every direction. /
had to dress in the dark-for there was
crack In the door, and the girls will peep
and the way fumbled about was death on
straw hats. The critical moment came. /
opened the door anG found myself right
among the women.
''Oh, my leghornr' cried one ''My dear,
darling winter velvetw cried another and
they pitched in-they pulled me this way
and that, boxed my ears, and one bright
eyed little piece-Sal, her name was-put
her arms round my neck, and kissed me
right on my lips Human nature could not
stand that, and gave her as good as she
sent. 1t was the first time / ever got the
taste, and it was powerful good believe
/ could have kissed that gal from julius
Caesar TO the Fourth of July.
''Jack, said she, 1--WE are sorry to dis
turb you, but won't you see me homer"
''Yes, Will, said i.
did do it, and had another smack at the
gate.
After that we took kinder turtle dove
after each other. both of us sighing like q
barrel of Lew cider when we were away
from each other.
Twas at the close of g,orious summer
day, the sun was setting behind distant
hen-roost, the bullfrogs were commencing
their reyening songs, and pollywogs, in their
native mud-puddles, were preparing them
selves for the shades of night, and Sal and
myself sat upon an antlsuated backlog,
listening to the music of nature, such as
tree-toads, rooEters and grunting pigs; and
now and then the music of jackass was
waited to our ears by the gentle Zephyrs
that sighted among the mullen stalks, and
heavily laden with the delicious odors of
hen-roosts and pig-styes- The last lingering
rays of the setting sun, glancing from the
buttons Of a solitary horseman, shone
through a knot-hole in a hog pen, full in
Sails face, dyeing her hair an orange peel
hue, and showing of my threadbare coat
to bad advantage. one of my arms was
around Sails waist, my hand resting on the
small OF her back; she was toying with my
auburn locks of jet black hue; she was al
most gone, and / vas almost ditto. She
locked like a grasshopper dying with the
hiccups, and I felt like mud-turtle choked
with a Goldfish ball
Sal" says /, in a voice as musical as
the notes of dying swan, will you have
me?"
She raised her eyes heavenward, and
clasped me by the hand, had an attack of
the heaves and blind staggers, and with a
sigh that drew her shoestrings to her palate,
said; "Yes.
She gave clear out then, and squafted in
may lap. I hugged her till broke my sus-
spenders, and her breath smelt of onions
she had eaten two weeks before.
Well, to make long story short, she set
the day, and we practiced for four weeks
every night how we would enter the room
to be married, till we got so we could walk
as gracefully as couple of Muscovy ducks.
The night, the company and the minister
came, the signal was given, and arm and
arm we went through the hall We MAS
Just entering the parlor door, when down
went kerslap ON the oiicloth. pulling Sal
sfter me. Some cussed isllop had dropped
banana skin on the foora and it ioored me.
1t split an awful hole In my cassimeres,
right under my dress coat tail 1t was too
late to back out; so clasplng my hand over
I, we marched In and were spliced, and
taking q seat, watched the kissing the
bride operation, My groomsman was tight,
and he kissed her till jumped up to take
slice, when, oh, horrorl little six-year
imp had crawled behind me and pulled my
shirt through the hole in my pants, and
pinned it to the chair, so that when lump
ed upI displayed to the astonished multi
tude triae more white muslin than was
pleasant The women giggled, the men
roared, and got mad, but was finally put
to bed, and there my troubles ended. Good
nj zht
LORD STRATFoRD DE REDcLHFE, who took
an active part in the recent debate on the
Alabama question, In the House of Lords
is in his seighty-second year. He commen-
ced his public career sixty one years ago as
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