The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-06-26
VARIOUS ITEMS.

A Cincinnati lager beer seller denoun-
ces the ssCold water friend"
When does the rain become too famil-
lar with lady !? When it begins to pat
her (patter) on her back.
Webstcrs unabridged definition for
"Copperhead !" A Northern sympathizer
with the Southern rebellion.
The minister who boasted of having
preached without notes, don't wish to be
understood to refer to grecnbacks.
Chicago is to appropriate $4,000 to
dredge the Chicago river and its branches
probably to find out which way it
runs.
A woman's rights woman down East
says that "man is woman's only enemy"
How they love their enemies the dear
Christians.
An Alabama young lady, caught smok-
ing cigar, gave it as her reason that
ssit made it smell as though there was
man around.
1t is said that it is the great ambition
of modern German novelists to have their
works reprinted in an English version in
the United States.
An invalid disturbed all the inmates
of his boarding house up town, recently,
by initiating dog. When asked why
he did it, he said he had been ordered
by his physician to take port wine and
bark
An exchange in recalling the separa-
tion of Olive Logan from her husband, !.
Delisle, twenty or thirty years ago, ex-
plains it on the theory that one pair of
breeches cannot be simultaneously worn
by two persons.
A little girl was very fond of preach
ing to her dolls. She rerroved one the
other day for being SO wicked. 90, you
naughty, sinful child" she said, shaking
the waxen limbs, "you will go to that
lake of birthstone and molasses, and you
won't burn up-you'll just sizzle p
An illiterate negro preacher said to his
congregation "My bredren, when de
fust man Adam was made, he was made
OBJ wet clay, and set up agin de palings
to dry s'Do you say said one of the
congregation, "dat Adam was made OBJ
wet clay, an sot up agin de palms to
dry ?" eyes, sab, do !" "1yho made
de palms p "Set down, sah," said the
preacher sternly; ssich questions as dat
would upset any system OBJ deology."
| "Jane, give the baby some laudanum
and put it to sleep, and bring me my par
asol. I am going to meeting for the
"Dar are,' said sable orator, sstwo
pads through this world. De one am a
broad and narrow road dat leads to per-
dition, and de udder am narrow and
broad road dat leads to sure destruc-
tion." eff dat am de case" said sable
hearer, sdis cullud individual takes tc
de woods"
melioration of the human race.
Faith is the blessed tree which produ-
ces the noble and priceless fruits of wis
dom, virtue and true felicity.
Mr.. Impulse, on being advised by his
physician to take iron, contemplates
swallowing horseshoe.
Man taiketh of himself as ignorant
! but judgeth by himself as wise.
The most mischieyous liars are those
who keep slididg on the verge of truth
hatthe gently distilled dew of HEAVIER
is to the plants and flowers, so is the
kind voice of sympathy to the bosom thai
heaves under the pressure of life's accu
mulated sorrows and Affections.
Success rides every hour grapple i
and you may win, but without grapple
it will never so with you. Work is the
weapon of honor, and he who lacks the
weapon will never triumph.
rT~ yzrs