The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-06-04
q1rif ans Dutttutt .

n " H|tu 0tlWlup.
Spell mousc-trap with three let
ters.-Cat.
"A movement in real estate An
earth quake.
y Why is D like a squalling child!
Because it makes ma mad.
What kind of fruit has been q
blessing and curse to man? The apple.
Why is blind man like pota-
to? Because he has eyes and see not.
What gives cold, cures a cold,
and pays the docter! A draught.
Why is an apothecary like a
woodcock? Because he has o long
bill.
- Madder colors red, this is the
reason why the madder you get .the.red-
der you grow.
When the enterprising butcher
clerk set up on his own hook did he
find comfortable seat!
- What song might tall, slim man
with propricty sing TO his sweetheart
SIC We me little, love me long,
Why is a cl ock q modest piece OF
furnlture? Because it covers its face
with its hands, and runs down its own
works.
Why are wheat and potatoes like
the idols of old? Because the former
have ears and hear not, and the latter
eyes, but see not.
-"Where are you going tor asktd
one little boy of another who had slip
ped and fallen down, Going to get
up" wss the blunt reply.
"Them soldiers must be an awful
dishonest set,n said an old lady. "for
not night seems to pass that some
sentry is not relieved OF his watch.
A colored lady, boasting the
other day of the progress made by her
son in arithmetic, exultingly said, tile
is in de modification table,"
"A Printers's Toast. --"Woman-
the farest work in creation. The edI-
ton is very large, and no man should
be without q copy"
IS meb o dy says that John
Browns soul, which is said to be sill
:'marching along" uses Weiss body
as a means of locomotion.
-"N ehemiah, compare the adjec-
tive sscold," said a schoolmistress to her
head boy. positive cold, compara-
tive cough, superlative coffin," trl-
lmphantly responded Nehemiah.
"A newly married couple riding
in a carriage were overturned, where
upon a stander-by said it twas shock
ing sight. Yes said gentleman, to
see those just welded fall out so soon. ="
PA, how long does the Legisla-
ture sit? 'rhree or four months, my
son. What set Of geese they must
be; our geese sit only five weeks. 1T
is getting late my son, think you had
better retire.
"Mamma," cried little girl,
rushing into the room, "why am like
u tree?" Mamma could not guess,
when the little one exclaimed, BE
cause have limbs, mamma"
"A man carrying a cradle was
stopped by an old woman and thus ac-
costed. $50, sir, you.have some of the
fruits of matrimony." "Sofly, old
lady," said he +; "you are mistaken !:
this is merely the fruit ba sket."
In an exchange the marriage of
Mr.. Cooper to Miss Slaves is ANNOUNCE
ed. The result will probably be bar
rels. Not so the result will be lot
OF little shavers, and il any of them be
daughters, it will eYentuate in hoops
-"Don't you think my eyes look
quite killing this morning?" said a
dandy to u smart girl, and he twisted
his leaden Missionaries in a most cruel
and fascinating manner. "They re-
mind me-" said the damsel, sol cod
fish dying OF toothache.
DIR. johnson was one day dining
at The house Of Il lady, when she asked
him if he did not think her pudding
good. yes" growled the great NOR.
aist; 1t is very good-for hogs" Shal
help you to another platefu., then!
asked the polite hostess.
"A miller had couple OF IONS
who were notorious for saying things
not altogether truthful.
Johnny said the old man one day
'havc yov tolled the grist!'
Yes
Sammy, have you tolled the grist !?
Yes
you lie so like the evil one that
can't believe you; will toll it mysel
10 make sure Of it,"
"Sonny, do you love me?"
"Oh, don't thought
"What TOR z"
"Because you Always DlllS me cand.
when you come to see sissy Jane
Give me some more"
"And what does sissy Jane love MT
for?n
"Cause you take her to concerts, ant
give her so many nice things. Sh'
says, SO long as you are fool enough e
bring her shawls and bonnets, sh
won't sack you no how. Now give MI
son1p more candV.p