Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-04-09
EEuTkior.

A fact Courtship is bliss, but matrlmo-
ny is blister.
An interesting girl-one whose money
interest is $4,000.
Woman shows her fondness for unity by
always wanting to be won.
Two electioneering requirements--Wind-
bags and money-bags.
An old bachelor is q traveller on life's rail-
road, who has entirely failed to make the
proper connections.
Mr.. Henpeck was asked the other night
If he was going to take home any Maya
zine. He said he had one there and she
was continually blowing up.
A lady was urged by friend to marry
widower; as an argument, they spoke OF
his two beautiful children. "Children, !" re-
piled the lady, care like tooth picks. A
person wants their own"
A bachelor sea-captain was complaing
that be couldn't get satisfactory chief offi-
Ger, when young lady remarked that she
should like a situation as first mate. The
'.Buy trunk, Pat' said dealer 80 And
what for should / buy trunk p rejoined
Pat. ''To put your clothes in, D was the re-
gly. tAnd 90 naked ?-the divil bit iy
A batchelor being asked why he didn't
marry, answered, that the women were
claiming the right to go to the polls, and
they may soon claim to 60 counting, and that
he was only waiting for good offer"
REVOLVING FERoc1rY. you ought al
ways to take me out with you, my dear,
said wife. ''You know they say true
Happiness was born a Twin" ''Yes, love,
but not Siamese twin" said the Brute.
Jusr Soil luv tew court in winter the
mani gurls I no; when all around is dreary
and klvered up with sno; because the old
un's dred the cold and stormy wether, and
hurry oph to bed, leaving us tewgether.
Il resort to wine to stimulate my wits, "
said young spendthrift to an old one.
."Ah," replied the veteran, 'that is the way
began bnt now [ have to resort to my
wits to get my wine.'
A "colored lady" called at store in APP
sieton, Wis, last week to buy pair of
1fesh-colored" hose. The matter f-fact
clerk innocen'ly took down a box of Mack
stockings for her inspection. Miss Dinah
Indignantly left the store.
BEFORE AND ArrER--A young fellow
-udo oo.ac;oo.,llv nd,,loo1 -, III, -.
of strong drink, used to say that at night he
felt as if he owned all the property in the
world, and in the morning as if he owned
none, and was in arrears for his taxes on
what he had owned the night before.
A Georgia negro was unable to tell for
whom he had voted at the Legislative cleo
ton, but identified the ticket by certain
device at its head, which he described as ssa
pictur OBJ a Radical flag wild crow or
buzzard dat sit on de top ub UNI wild bunch
OBJ broom grass in de paw"
The RIGHT PAPERS The paper for ig-
noramuses-FooPs cap.
The paper for spiritualists-W
The paper for criminals--Gi!t edge.
Liz paper AoA ClSd1roulUNtfb-.-1 lSSuG.
The paper for me- -Banknotes.
The paper for every body and which no
man or family in the Valley should be with
out-.-The Staunton Vindicator
Near the village of NJ. there lived far
mer who engaged scn of the Emerald Isle
to work for him. One morning in the spring
Pat was sent to harrow a piece Of ground.
He had not worked long before all the teeth,
except two OF three, came out Of the harrow
After while the farmer went out in the
field to see how Pat proceeded, and asked
him how he liked narrowing "Oh,' re-
piled Pat, sit goes bit smother now since
the pegs are out"
A little boy, on a cold wintry day, cross
ing field, axe in hand, was crying at the
top Of his voice. when man was passing
along the road on horseback Intercepted
him :: '4Sonny what's the matter ?" The
boy blubbered out as best he could "Mat-
ter enough? Dads drunk, Mans ditto,
SAILS reading novel, the baby's near froze,
the wood is mile off, and I'd like to know
who in the thunder wouldn't cry o.
A COMPARISON -One of the insane in our
asylum recently visited our Legislature
Upon his return the Superintendent asked
him what he thought Of it. Relapsing into
a ''brown study" for moment, he looked
up and said: 'sWell. I think they are
branch of this establishment" How much
aptness there is in the opinion, we leave
with discerning public to decide.--l9aleigh