The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-01-16
VARIOUS ITEMS.

terviewer
What flower resembles bulls mouth
\ cowslip.
Who has ever seen the COW that had
calves on her legs?
az gold lady's watch" is advertised
as lost in New Jersey paper
Chinese edible birds nests are new
feature in Paris restaurants.
Interesting to youthful barristers-a
maiden brief is not little girl
Patience is tree whose roots are Bit
ter, but the fruit is very sweet.
Never carry sword in your tongue to
wound the reputation of any man.
Signal for bark-Pulling a dog
tail.
The man who took our advice has Just
brought it back again.
When is lawyer like a dtnkey? !?
When he draws conveyance.
What tree represents a person who
persists in incurring debts? VIII owe.
The man who was driven to distraction
had to walk back.
The cup that neither walks nor ine-
briates-the hiccup.
It makes great difference whether
glasses are used under or over the nose.
\ dentist is not necessarily mad be-
cause he shows his teeth
A literary admirer at great fire said
to Dickens, Hewitt Burns
Pyrotechnicalremedy for crying infants
Rocket
The he:ghth of impudence-taking
shelter from the rain in an umbrella
shop.
The individual who was ever seen by
the eye of a potato has never been visible.
The love of all (to risk a womans par
adox) is but small thing to the love of
one.
Religion is not only the best armor in
the world, but the best cloak that eau be
worn.
It may be fair question to ask wheth-
er a man can be said to be welded to
celibaey.
Dean Swift recommended a tax Gu
female beauty. and to leave every lady to
rate her own charms.
How can one be sure of cowslips in
the winter? By driving his cattle on the
ice.
When is a street unlike the law?
When you can see the end from the be-
ginning.
Three miseries of mans house-A
smoky chimney, dripping roof, and a
scolding wife.
What secret is that which may be war
ranted to Eeep in any climate? A
woman's age.
Why is blind negro guided by a dog
like drawing pencil? Because he is a
black lead.
What's the latest and sweetest thing
In bonnets? The ladies' faces, to be
sure.
"Alas, I am no more.' as Miss Susan
More remarked after becoming Mrs.
Jones.
a pin has got as much head as good
many authors, and a good deal more
point.
What lady-like designation is that
which is spelt forward and backward the
same? Madam.
There's brandy smash" said wag,
on seeing a drunken man fall through
a window.
An old maid speaking of marriage,
there's life there's hope.
'sLittle boys should be seen and not
heard" replied youngster, when he did
NO know his lesson.
Why are full grown cats like unskilled
surgeons? Because they mew-till-late and
kill the patience
Who has ever been pushed by shoul
der of mutton? Many man has been
pushed to get one.
A bachelor merchants advice in Sc
lecting wife is, "Get hold of piece of
calico that will wash"
A husband can readily foot the bills
of a wife who is not ashamsd to be seen
footing his stockings.
Go to strangers for charity, acquaint-
ances for advice, and relatives for moth
ing, and you will always have supply.
Caught in her own net, as the man
said when he saw one of the fair sex
hitched in her crinoline.
However high house rents may be,
you can always have at least one room at
your command-the room for improve
ment.
Cunning is only the mimic of discre-
tion, and may pass upon weak men just
as pertness is often mistaken for wit, and
gravity for wisdom.
An exchange gives the following
toast: "Woman-the morning-star of in
fancy-the day-star of manhood-the
evening-star of age, Bless our stars!"
IT, Il,