The States and Union. [volume] (Ashland, Ohio) 1868-1872, 1869-05-05
"Briok" Pomoroy to tie President.
Ny Dear General Grant

Ny Dear General Grant
While disclaiming all political gifts
or profits hinging upon your .oc-cup-
ancy of the ''other end ofthe avenue"
l deem it my duty to offer you few
suggestions through the medium of
the press.
You are mcn of few words, and,
prior to your elevation to the Presi-
dency, seldom uttered sentence, IN
less, perhaps, it was an occasional
"thank you" for brick house, box
of cigars, or bull pnrp.
Your worthy sire carly In your ex-
istence ON this mundane sphere, dis
covered your hanging-on principles.
You, doubtless, remember the story
Of your dad, in the Ledger, when you
returned to the pateIn nal wigwam COW
cred with mud, and the COW ditto; with
head and tail, erect, and with what
tenacity you refused to relinquish your
hold on the said tail, and how you
came to grief. I have watched you
closely, and the alorefaid tail is the
last thing that ever slipped through
your hands. You have acted wisely,
and accumulated muchlylots ofhouses,
horses, libraries, segars, buggies, qoots,
ere; look them over cosely, and you
will preceiye that you are the greatest
gift concern in the country, and now
the question comes up in the minds OF
the dear peoples all this natural, is
there any precedent for such Presi-
dent / guess not. / figure it up
thusly It was brought about by ac-
ci-dents, and for yon they were charm
ing incidents but beware of brother
in-law Dents, they will prove the most
troublesome dents of the trio, unless
you rid yourself of them at once-this
is the proper season to send them kit
ing. Give them all the frst-class po-
sitions, and not let them "stand upon
the order of their going, but go at
once" Don't let a good Office go out
of the family, or good family 60 out
of Office. If you have more places
than can be filled by your own family,
60 for Wash5urne, let it be either
Jehu or Eilhu or any other hue, but
go for 'em they went for you, and
remember this is a life of reciprocity.
Should YOU overlook any of the fami-
ly, and should 1 find one strayed or
stolen, anywhere in my travels, will
notify you by telegraph or post. By
the way, speaking of the Washburnes,
did you ever know the one that run an
Indian show, and if you do and have
no hard feelings against him for ex-
hibiting the fruits OF your early indis-
cretion, what assurance can [ give him
that he viii be provided for-provid-
ing he will "drop on" the show busi-
ness.
As regards the White House, furn-
ish it, and don't mind the expense
paper the walls with greenbacks that
will prevent any change while you oc-
cupy it; lave place for everything
and everything in its place, and place
implicit confidence in all that begging
politicians say to you. Don't let your
children attend the parties of our Lit
tie children of the District it is
vulgar precedent set by the little
nieces of the 'late occupant and
you know he is like the Dutch Embas-
sador-no Count Should disappoint-
ed delegate from the country hit you
upon one check turn and hit him up
on the other this would undoubtedly
be one of the best hits of your admin
stration.
As soon as Winnie completes the
stone image of the ''late lamented' put
it in the kitchen cabinet, it will keep
rats out of the cellar and cats from
licking out of the Presidential skillet,
which affords you ample time to look
closely to those holding position, who
were commissioned by A. j., aid
should you find worthy widow, whose
husband lost his life while defending
the flag, holding a postoffice or a clerk
ship, ship her at once, for what rights
has a soldiers widow that you are
bound to respect? Did younot sacrifice
her husband by your ill-planned cam
paiens, and why ought she to expect
a Ci lel ent result in time of peace !?
And should you find any gallant Of
hcers, who fought the war through,
and were crippled for life, holding
places by similar authority, weed them
out Say to them as did Othello,
ssNo more be officers of mine" for
what right have they to hold Office in
time of peace? Are there not plenty
of kerosene patriots, who carried
torches in the last campaign, to fill all
the places of profit and pillage. You
have but one path to pursue, that is
to make all these lame fellows hop in,
which will create lively times. And
should you ascertain that Iongstreet,
Pickett, Mosby, or any of the late
Confederates have determined to vote
the Radical ticket, give them good
places. It would be so nice to remove
General Rosecrans to the Mexican
and make Longstreet Sur
veyor OF tie Port of New Orleans.
1t would show that you intend to
make treason odious to the gallant
Rosecrans and rather mel-odious to
the traitcr Lopgstreet.
Dont forget your father, remember
how kind he was to you when you
were emhalming cow-hides in the
great Mississippi Valley-what an in
terest he took in your welfare, and
how> reluctantly he used to say fare
wel!-whcn You paid him an OCCASION
al visit, the only thing he says you
ever did pay him, or any one else SSe-
fore the war. We have barely time
to repeat, don't forget your dad.
In the patronage OF this great State,
remember your party have a great |
leal at stake, and, according TO the |
En- snsag Post, Fenton holds the stakes
with gasp that it is truly wonderful.