The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1869-09-16
Gossip and Gleanings .

A tresome talker once said to public
man he had incontinently bored, An oyster is
pleasant to eat, though repulsive to look at
'Yes, but then it knows when to shut up"
was the reply.
jenkins is not going to do anything more
in conundrums. He recently asked his wife
the difference between his head and hogs
head and she says there is none. He says that
is not the right answer.
An Irshman was employed to trim some
fruit trees. He went in the morning, and on
returning at noon, was asked if he had COM
pleted his work. "No" was the reply, 81 have
cut them all down, and I'm going to trim them
this afternoon
A young lady in Newark, when her jeal-
Gus admirer sent back her letters with re-
quest that she would return his, answered that
she regretted that she could not comply i'm
mediately, as she had lent them to young
gentleman to read.
In the last illness of the witty George
Coleman, the doctor being later than the time
appointed, apol )gized to his patient, saying
that he had called to see a man who had fallen
down WELL "Did he kick the bucket, Doc
tor?' groaned Coleman.
A letter arrived at Chicago the other day
from Europe addressed to the servant girl OF
prominent clergyman. The envelope bore on
ly the name, number of the postoffiee box, and
"United States" the city and State being
omitted. The letter went to New York and
Philadelphia, and was sent to Chicago, no 9TH
er Office having the numbers running as high
as those on the letter. Arriving at the great
metropolis at last it reached its owner.
A Hartford four-year-old saw his parents
preparing for church, and asked them to take
him along with them He was told that he
was too little, and must wait till he should
grow bigger. SWELL" returned he, "you'd
better take me now, for when get bigger L
may not want to CO." The parents saw the
point aud he was taken.
Not many years since certain veinons
church was in need of pastor one SaoD'n
tho m;nistar spnnlvipg the pulpit, well known
Co. HI, oo,ortr;c turn of mind, prayed for "a
- -, a., lord" in this fashion: "Send us
NOT an old man in his dotase, nor a young man
IN his ooslinghooI, but man with all the
modern improvements"
"A Cincinnati editor.went up in balloon
the other day. When several hundred feet up
the balloon collapsed, and the editor fell to the
ground, and was picked up-unhurt The
Chicago Times unieelingly remarks that the
amount of gas required to make an editor in
Cincinnati explains the unframed descent Of
this man from an altitude of five hundred
feet
A Norwich (Ct.) man has whitfield out,
with n nenknife, most curious and perplex-
inc bottle puzzle. He has taken an eight
onnoe vial and set up in its interior perfect
keo about two inches long, with four hoops on
If and both heads in; and he has stopped the
bottle with wooden plug which fits perfectly
tight and is keyed inside, the key pinned and
the pin tosgled. The workmanship is excel
lent, and the way it was done mystery.
-"Pa,' said young hopeful the other day,
| didn't hear you say that you wanted a cider
press?" "Yes, my son; where can get oneP'
why, you Just try Jake Stokes. BY the way
| he hugged sister Sal the other night, out by
the gate, should think he might be about the
| thing YOU want" Sal suddenly left to see Il
the things in the kitchen, and the old gen
recollected that he had not "seen to the piec
of fence that neigdbor Jones's critter brok
down tho other day"