The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1869-02-04
EBENsBURG, PA, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY T. 1869


she made muller of her arms and puts
it around his Corinthian neck, and rolls
up her eyes like sick goldfish. He
slings the gal around heavy. He brings
her billed chestnuts and whole quarts of
shrimps; goes to matrices and The min~
strelS takes moonlight walks sits on
the steps /; teachee her gastronomy writes
poetry ; calls ber lis hea~snlv dnck bis
Arabian peppergrass, his sweetness, his
bird of paradise, his Edenly geranium-
until some night she pats his head and
strokes his hair until she gets his brain
turned inside out. down on The Brussels
carpet goes both his knees, his hands
clasp together like he was going to swim,
and he cast his eyes upward and says:
"Will you have me -
The triumphant hnssy replies:
Cob! Alphonso How sudden, I
declare
Yet she don't put her answer off-.Fnot
uuchly." Shes got him just where she
wants him. Give him Iime 10 think,
he'd probably never make such darncJ
fool of himself again bekase this we'd
lock business, when viewed in a philo~
sophical light, is nothing more that a man
becoming possessed Of the insane idea that
he'd rather pay board for two (or two
dozeu) than for one.
Now the frller has his foot in it, she
calls his attention to breach of promise
cases in the papers. She has him faster
than shoemaker's gum. Next day she
tells every gal she knows that she is en-
gagged. and makes them vow they won't
say word about it. He (poor cuss y
don't go. that fatal night, more than half
block before he knows he has made
dsrned foul OF himself, aud his face wears
an exp, ession like unto fcller who has
resigned himself to taking a dose of costor
OIL. She sets the time and he tries TO
hitch it off; but she gets in on him, calls
him her sweet basain of Peru, her angel
darling, her cherub, her spotted fawn, her
dear duck, until he willis like a butterfly
iii hail storm, and she exclaims "Do
with me as thou wilt am thine-all
thine !" He, poor, detected, distressed
looking cuss, sneaks away, feeling too
mean 20 look manly lamp post in the
face, and starts TO hunt up tailor who
will sell him black suit on six months
fine, while she goes shopping and brings
home samples Of silk. Old aunts call up
on her, and with tears OF pity rolling
down their cheeks, advises her to submit
chcerfully to her fate; for, although they
know it is hard for poor, timid fawn
like her to leave home, yet such is wo
mans lot, and it is her duty. The fatal
day approaches, and some dark night the
poor cuss can be seen sneaking a!nog TO
engage the parson.
The day comes First one carriage
drives to the church doors, then another.
Then comes three more with the mourn
, ers Everybod makes rush for the
church Three or four girls, done up in
white lace, get out of the carriages; then
the bearers, wrapped up in broadcloth,
hitch on o the bundles of lace =-iI'ey get
to the church door, fix their rigging, then
sail majes!icaly up the centre aisle, amid
murmurs of ''There they come - ''Ain't
she sweet 2" and sich Ike, Then tho
dominic Joins them in this wise: ''1ou
h reby swear that what you affirm is true,
50 help you God Amen. What God
has put asunder let no man join apart
Know all men by these present. And do
! you hereby swear the same to be the
I truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth. Now, by the power invested
in me by the Constitution of the United
States, l pronounce you to be one, and
your letters of recommendation will be
+ handed to you as soon as convenient"
The deed is did-that is, part did
and they started to get away from their
native heath by the first train. That
night they joined their hands together and
I registered VOW in heaven that they will
always be good to each other, never fight
never be cross, never have spats, never
give sour looks never hit each other
and in less than six menths that girl will
/ make race course over his eve with Il
broom handle, and call him fizzle- headed
! sour kraut' while he will play base ball
with her waterfall and Wednesdays and
| Saturdays instead Of going to maiinees,
she'll get rousing good old thrashing-
! and-that's what's the matter.