The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-03-26

CORVALLIS. Tho third Napoleon be-
ing mentioned, by one Of the said poll
ticians, our visitor aired his historical
reading by relating how the elder Bon
aporte had crossed the Allegheny
mountains on his march 10 Pennsyl-
lucky, where assisted by General Dan
iel Boone, he defeated tho British
troops, under the leadership Of Julius
Ceasar, in the battle of Waterloo. he
also described that decisive event,
battle, several years ago, at Tippecanoe,
between Alexander the Great and
Montezuma. lie spoke Of Davy Crock
EFT as the author of Esop's Fables
commended his bravery during the
charge at Balaklava, and described his
heroic death at the pass of Themopyle.
Going toa hotel to stay for the night,
he declined supper that he might have
the means Of procuring breakfast -
When shown TO his room, our hero
carefully locked the door, and, to make
sure that no suspicious characters had
found concealment, he peeped under
the bed. There he found an article Of
housekeeping that he mi5took for
spittoon, and carrying 1t down stairs,
he made it over to the landlady, with
a remark that he"didn't ehdio terJocker," !"
or words to that effect. At the break
fast table, next morning, he was shock
ed at the sight of napkins, and mo-
tioning to waiter, he told her to take
away the one at his plate "they didn't
use diapers at the table, in McConnels-
vile. Shouts Of laughter followed,
and our friend beat precipitate re-
treat. Going up Front, he dropped in.
TO grocery here ho bought two
crackers and herring and washed
= them down with a glass of beer Pur-
8 suing his travels, he came upon the
stump Of a cigar, which he lighted
forthwith II seems that this didn't I
quito agree with him, for, in few min
= utes, his face grew pallid, his nerves
!, trembled, clammy Precipitation seemed
to start from every pore, and his Stom-
ach turned somerset with surprising
b rapidity. There he stood-"ach ach
. ohl--upb- upbl- upblsch - Ito q
bystander who seemed little amused
. do ye think, sir, that Im----upb-
pu-upblsch l--puking for fun2'
= Relieved, after this, our hero inquir
ed "the road" 10 the Court House
. which, after much trouble, winding
his way through "a labyrinth of streets,
he found. The labyrinth existed
= chiefly in directions from persons oi
whom he asked the way. "The peo,
pie" he says, are courteous and po
!. lite, but they are more or less affected
with the idea that they live in an i'm
, mensely large place. One gentleman
took the pains to draw off plat of part
= of the town to aid us in finding pri
vate dwelling"
Next, our friend visited the Register
r office, perhaps with view Of buying
the establishment, but he found that
T $4,000 would be no inducement fol
. our neighbor to sell. Ten Thousand
Y Dollars lie had never heard Of so
0 much money. Why, with that sum he
could pay of the national debt He
: had mover thought printing could be
= done by rotary presses, and wouldn't
have believed it if he hadn't seen il
t with his own eyes. lie diseoursed
learnedly about newspapers, poetry
1 and public men. He inquired if Ben,
a iamin Franklin WAS still editor of the
New York Police Gazette. and wondered
l how General jackson succeeded in run.
t ming Bonners Ledger. lie had never
+ regarded Daniel Webster as great
4 statesman, but believed he was a good
= hand at making dictionaries, John c.
= Calhoun was an eminent man, and il
he hadn't been killed at tho Hege OF
Y Yorktown, he would have succeeded
jeff Davis as President Of the Southern
: Confederacy. As to poetry, he thought
4 Byrons Paradise Lost and Milton
= Don Juan, were excellent, but Youag's
Night Thoughts and Homers Iiad were
the finest things Horace Greeley had
ever written. Having the curiosity to
J. see a locomotive, our friend left the
Register eihce and went to Harmar. A
splendid engine stood in front of the
train, With eyes and mouth wide
! open, his hands resting upon his knees,
he gazed at the wonder. His exeogita.
+ tions were rudely brought to an end bv
r snort and shrill whistle, while the
r start, crash, roar and rattle bereft HIM
of all sense. When he came out OF
the paroxysm, being asked what had
scared him, he replied that he didn {
, rightly know-"it must have been
h-ll in harness. or blast from Ga.
, briels trump-he didn't know which.
The time had now come for him to
go home. The clerk Of a steamer ten
dered him deadhead PASSAGE but,
the Ameriea and United States disasters
being fresh in his memory, he declined
to risk the "pesky thing" preferring
TO travel afoot, as his forefathers had
done. When last seen, he was striking
a beeline up Front street, on his way
TO the village of McConnelsville.
PareWell brother: and if forever.