The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1869-08-27

Floating cspitai-ssiress bsshins.
Motto for /. rejected suitor-hs uo0ed' and
she wouldn't
A child in Pennsylvania blew out his checks
while trying 10 eat torpedo.
The ar.t question that disturbed man was the
woman question. and IL bids hir to Be the last
What goes most against . farmers grain
his moving machine
Be temperate In diet Our first parents ate
themselves out Of house and homo.
When Jonsh's fellow-passsnses pitched him
overheard, they evidently regarded him as nei-
ther profit nor loss.
A GENTLEMAN looking at his watch after mid
night cried. ''It's tomorrow morning must
bid you goodnight"
"Mr. swipes. I have just kicked your son
BIN out Of the store" "well, Swing;e, It's the
first Bin you have iOo,ed for many day."
! tpsy Irishmsn, As funeral procession was
passing by, was asked who was dead. 81 can't
exactly nay, sir" said he; "but presume II Is
the Jintlemsn In the coffin"
Why, asks the Philadelphia Bulletin, was the
sun most clearly visible at the moment Of total
obscuration, Because Il was then perfectly
discovered.
Some people have been Of the opinion that the
reason why butter ril, was owing to the effect
produced on the milky way by the late OBSCURE
ton Of the sun.
"Papa. do horses ever kick with their fore
feetf" mo, child. they never DO" swell,
IA horse should kick with one Of his hind feet,
would that not be one Of his fourr''
A Quaker once hearing q person tell how
much he felt for another who was In distress and
needed assistance, dryJ asked him. "Friend
hast thou felt in thy pocket for him,''
Al man who Is In the habit Of talking to him
self gave two reasons for the practice I; one, that
he liked to talk to sensible person the other,
that he liked sensible person to talk to him.
A lady speaking Of gathering Of lawyers
who had assembled to look at the new Court
House at Rutland. Vermont. said she supposed
they bad come to "view the ground where they
must shortly lie"
The jealous man Is always hunting for some
thing he don't expect to find, and after he has
found IL, he Is mad because he has. He Is always
happy just in proportion as he is miserable.-l
Josh Billings.
A rptured writer inquiries, "what Is there
under heaven more humaniring, or. II we may
use the term more angeliling. than fine black
eye in lovely womant" Two black eyes Is the
only answer thought Of at present
A peaceful disposition is not absolute prOtec- |
ton against the turmoils Of life. What's more
peaceful than elami And yet, ten to one, II |
ends its life in broil. And then how peacesble |
an oyster is. And yet how frequently IL gets
mixed up in "a stew.
A raw Jonathan, who had been gazing at q
garden in the vicinity Of New York, in which
were several marble statues, exclaimed. "Just
see what waste Here's no less than six scare
crows in this little ten-foot patch, and any on
'em would keep the crows from fve-acre lot"
A young man Of limited intelligence, who was
recovering from long ct Of sickness, being in
formed by his physician that he "might venture
now upon q little animal food, EXCLAIMED; "No
ycu don't, Doctor; I've suffered enough ON your
cruel and stuff, and hang me II I'll touch any
Of your hay and oats"
The Rev. DIR. Chaplin, tells story about an
old wag who thought he was dying, but who was
assured by his nurse that he would not die 20
long as his feet were warm-such q thing was
never heard Of "But have heard Of n man
who died with very warm feet" "who was
he 2" enquircd the nurse. "John Rogers" re-
piled the incorrigible old wag.
A member Of the Connecticut Legislature was
told by q fellow member that il was q "good day
for the race" "what race," said the shad-
eater. "IIuman race" said the joker. The
shad-eater was 50 impressed with the sell that
he tried Il on friend after the following FASH
ion; "It's q good day for the trOi." "what
trott" asked the other. "The human race"
shouted the joker. who aattered himself he had |
said good thing.