The Van Buren press., 1869-06-15
Woman's Curiosity Secrets Of Odd
relloWship,

| w oman 3 Curl0slty-1Ho CecIoss VI Vuu
Fellowship.
A Lodge Of the Independent Order OF
Odd Fellows at Woodstown, determined
to have their lodgc-room done up clean
and nice. 1t was resolved unanimously
that Mrs. X. should be employed to do
the work.
After the meeting adjourned the Guar
dian, who knew the inquisitivc character
of Mrs H., procured billy goat and
placed him in closet that was kept rs
reservoir for the secret things. He then
informed the lady Of the wishes OF the
Lodge and requested her to come early
next morning, as he would then be at
leisure to show her what was and what
was not to be done.
Morning came, and with it Madam X,
with her broom, brushes, pals, tubs. ETC.,
and found the Guardian waiting for her.
Now, Madame, said he, Z" will tel!
you what we want done, and how we
came 10 employ you. The brothers said
it was difficult to get any body to do the
JOB, and not be meddling with the secrets,
in that little closet; we have lost tho key,
and cannot find it to lock the door.
assured them that you could be depend
ed on
Depended ON? ] CUES. ! can, My
poor dead and gone husband, who be
lonsed to the Frecmasons, or anti Ma
sons, don't know which--hc used to
tell me all the secrets Of the concern,and
when he showed me all the marks the
grdiron made when he was initiated, and
told me how they fixed poor Morgan,
never told living soul to this day ;ifno-
body troubles your closet to find out
your secrets till | do, they will lay there
till thoy rot--they will"
81 thought SO" said the Guardian,
land now | want you to commence in
that corner ann give the whole room q
decent cleaning, and / have pledged my
word and honor for the fidelity to your
promise; now don't go into that closet"
and thea left the lady to herself
Ne sooner had she heard the sound OF
his feet on the last step of the stairs than
she exclaimed, don't get into the closet!
I'll warrant there's gridiron, or some
nonsense, just like the anti Masons for
all the world I'll be bound, / will just
take one peep, aud no body will be any
the wiser, as can keep it to myself"
Suiting the action to the word, she
stepped lightly to the forbidden closet,
turned the button, which was no sooner
done, than bah went the billy goat with
spring TO regain his liberty; which
came near upsctting her ladyship. Both
started for the door, but it was filled with
implements for house cleaning, and all
were swept clear from their potion down
to the bottom of the stairs.
The noise and confusion occasioned by
such unceremonious coming down stairs
drew half the town to witness Mrs. KS.
effort TO get from under the pile of pals,
Who should bo first to the spot but
the rascally doorkscper, who, after re
leasing the goat, which was a cripple for
life, and uplifting the rubbish that bound
the good woman, to the earth, anxiously
INQUIRED il she had been "taking the de-
grees p
"Taking the degrees " exclaimed the
lady, "if you call tumbling from the top
to the bottom OF the stairs, with the dew
il after We, taking things by degrees,
have them, andff ye frighten folks as ye
have me, and hurt them too boot, III
warrant they will make as much noise as
l did,
81 hope you did not open the closet
madam said the dOorkeeper.
"Open the closet2 Eve ate the apple
she was forbidden! If you want wo-
man TO do anything, tell her not to do it.,
and she'll do it certain | could not
stand the temptation. The secret was
there, | wanted to know it. opened
the door and out popped the tarnal crit
ter right into my face. l thought the
devil had me- and broke for the stairs
with the devil butting Inc at every jump
| fell over the tub and got down stairs rs
you found us, all in heap"
I" But, madam" said the doorkeeper,
"you are in possession of the great Sc
cret of our order, and must go up to be
initiated and sworn, and then go In the
regular way
Irregular wayI' exclaimed the lady
"and do you suppose am going neat
the tarnal place again, and ride that arc
critter without bride or lady's saddle
No, never! don't want nothing to &c
with the man that rides it. I'd look nice
perched upon billp goat-wouldnt
No, ncverl I'll never go nigh it again
nor your hall nuther---if can prevent |
no lady shall ever join the Odd Fellows
why, i'd sooner be q Frccmason, and b
broilcd on gridiron as long as fire coul'
be kept under it. and pulled from garre
to cellar, with a halter, in a pair otol'
breechos and slippers, just AZ my poo
dear husband. And he lived over 1t, bu
| never could live over such another rid
as took to day.
How TO KILL A TowN.--Thc Dubuqu
Herald gives the following receipt 10
knocking town stiff and dead: lfyo
wish to kill off n town, put up no NOR
buildings than you are obliged to occup.
yourself. Ifyou should happen to hay
an empty building, and any one Shout
want to rent it, ask about three times tn
9 value. Look at every new conner with
{ scowl; turn a cold shoulder to ever
{ business man or mechanic seeking hom
a among YOU. Go abroad for your ware
T rather than purchase Of your own mer