Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1869-08-04
MARK TWAIN

HIS SPEECH AT rHE n. Y. rREss cLuI
OK THE LATE LAMENTED RELIABLE
coNrRABAND
[Ffom Paekaris Monthly for July.l
Mr.. President and Gentlemen.
1t is my painful duty to mar these
festivities with the announcement Of
the death of one who was dear to us
all--our tried and noble friend, the
"Reliable Contraband" To tho world
at large this event will bring no sorrow,
for the world never oomprohended
him, never knew him as we did, never
had such causes to love himj but unto
US the calamity brings unutterable
anguish-tor il heralds the loss of one
whose great heart beat for us alone,
whose tireless tongue vfbrated in our
interest only, whose fervent fancy
wrought its miracles solely for our
enrichment aud renown.
In his time what did ho not do for
us 7 When marvels langushed and
sensation dispatches grew tame, who
was il that laid down the shovel and
the hoe and came with healing on his
wIngsY The Reliable Contral.snd
When armies fed in panic and dismay,
and the great cause seemed lost be-
yond all hope of succor, who was it
that turned the tide of war and gave
victory to the vanquished 2 The Re
liable Contraband. When despair
hung its shadows about the hearts of
the people, and sorrow sat on every
face, who was il that bravod every
danger to bring cheering aud incom-
prehensible news from the fronti The
Reliable Contraband. Who took Rich
mond the first time? The Reliable
Contraband Who took it the second
timer The Reliable Contraband.
Who took IL eUery time until the last,
and then felt the bitterness of hearing
a nation applaud the man more who
took it once than that great man who
had taken j. six times beforeY The
Reliable Contraband. When we need
ed a bloodless victory TO whom did
we look TO win itg The Reliable
Contraband. When we needed news
to make the peoples bowels yearn, and
their knotted and combined locks TO
stand on end like quilts upon the fret
tul porcupine, TO whom did we look to
fetch ity The Reliable Contraband.
W When we needed any sort or descrip-
tlon OF news, upon any sort or descrip-
tion of subject, who was il that stood
always ready to steal horse and
bring that news along2 The Reliable
Contraband.
My friends, he was the faithfulest
vassal that ever fought, bled and lied
IN the glorious ranks of journalism.
Thunder and lightning never stopped
him annihilated railroads never de.
layed him; the telegraph mover over.
took him; military secrecy never
crlpples his knowledge; strategic
teints mover confessed his Judgment
cannon balls couldn't kill him clair
voyance couldn't find him; Satan
himself could not catch him. His
information comprised all knowledge
possible; his imagination was utterly |
boundless; his capacity to make |
mighty statements, and so back them
up as TO make an inch of truth cover
an acre OF ground, without appearing
TO streach or tear, was thing thai
appalled, even the most unimpressible |
with its awful grandeur.
The Reliable COntraband isno more
Born of the war, and a necessity of
the war, and of the war only, be
watched its progress, took notes Of
It's success and reverses, manufactured
aud recorded the most thrilling feat
ures of its daily history, and then.
when 1t died, bis great mission was
inihlled, his occupation gone, and he
died likewise.
No journalist here present can Law
his hand upon his heart and say he
had not cause to love this faithful
creature, over whose unsentient form
we drop these unavailing tears-for
no journalist among us all can Law his
hand upon bis heart and say he ever
he'd with such pathos, such uuction,
such exquisite symmetry, such sublim-
lty OF conception and such felicity of
execution, as when he did it through
and by the inspiration of this really
gifted marvel of mendacity, the Ia.
mented RELIABLE CoNTRABAND. Peace
10 his ashes