The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1869-07-30
How Smith Asked the Old Man.

Smith had Just asked MIR. thompson
daughter if she would give him a lit out
of bachelordom, aud she had said Il" Yes"
Ii therefore became absolutely necessary
to get the old gentleman's permission, SO,
as Smith said, the arrangements might be
made to hop the conjugal twig.
Smith said he'd rather pop the interro.
gatory to all of old Thompson's daughters,
and his sisters, and his lady cousins, and
his aunt Hannah, in the country, and the
whole of his female relations, than ask old
Thompson, But it had to be done, and so
he sat down and studied out a speech which
he was to disgorgc at old Thompson the
very first time he got shy at him. So
Smith dropped in on him one Sunday
evening, when all the family had meanderod
around to meeting, and found him doing a
sum in beer measure
4" How are you, Smith !? B." said old
Thompson, as the former walked in. white
az piece of chalk, and trembling as il he
had swallowed IA condensed earthquake.
Smith was afraid to answer, cause he
wasn't sure about that speech. He knew
he had to keep his grip On it while he had
it there, OF it would slip from him quicker
than an oiled eel through an augur hole
So he blurted out
MIR. Thompson, sir: Perhaps It may
rot be unknown to you, that during an exc
tended period of some five years, l have
been busily engaged in the prosecution Of
commercial enterprise
" Is that SO, and keepin' it secret all
this time, while though you were tendin'
store Well, by George, you're one Of
them now, amt you Z"
Smith had begun to think it all over
again, to get the run Of it.
Mr.. Thompson, sir: Perhaps il may
not be unknown to you, that during the ez-
tended period of five years, l have been
busily engaged in the prosecution of a
commercial enterprise, with the determina-
ton to secure sufficient maintenance"
6" Sit down, Smith, and help yourself to
beer. Don't stand there holdin' your hat,
like blind beggar with paralysis. Il never
have seen you behave yourself SO queer in
all my born days"
Smith had been knocked out again, and
so he had to wander back again and take a
fresh start.
Mr. Thompson, sir 1t may not be un.
known to you, that during an extended pes
riod Of five years, have been engaged 10
the prosecution of commercial enter
prise with the determination TO procure a
sufficient maintenance -.
I" A which ance asked old Thomp.
son but Smith held on to the last word as
if it was his only chance, aud went on 4:
d" In the hope that some day | might
enter wedock, and bestow nay earthly pos
sessions upon one whom [ could call my
own. I nave been a lonely man, sir, and
have felt that it is not good for man to be
alone therefore l would"
Neither is it, Smith I'm glad you
aroppoe in. How's the old man ?"
Mr.. Thompson, sir" said Smith, in
despairing confusion, raising his voice to 4
yell, it may not be unknown to you that
during the extended period Of lonely
man, have been engaged to enter wed
lock, and bestowed all my enterprise on one
whom could determine to be good fol
certain possessions-no, [ mean-that is
that-Mr. Thomp pson, sir q: 1t may not be
unknown"
But, then, again, it may. Look here
Smith you'd better lay down and take
something warm-you amt WE'LL
Smith, sweating like four. year Old colt
went in again.
Mr.. Thompson, stN: 1t may not bt
lonely to you to prosecute me whom you {
friend, for commercial maintenance, bu
-but-eh--dang it-Mr. Thompson, sir
It"
ooh, Smith, you talk like fool.
never saw a more irst class idiot in tht
COURSE of my Whole life. What's the mat
ter with you anyhow 7? "
" Mr.. Thompson, sir" said Smith, in ar
agony of bewilderment, " it may not b(
known that you prosecuted louely mat
who is not good for a commercial period o.
wedlock for some five years, but"
/" See here, Mr. Smith, you're drunk
and if you can't behave better than that
you'd better leave if you don't, III chuck
you out, or I'm Dutchman."
"Mr. Thompson, sir" said Smith
frantic with despair, 1t may not be un
known to you that my earthly possessions
/ are engaged 10 eDIeT MCulOCh HF6 year.
with sufficiently lonely man, who is no
good for a commercial maintenance"
" The very duce he isn't. Now yor
jist git Up and git, or Til knock what littl(
brains out of you you've got left"
With that, old Thompson took Smitl
and shot him into the street as if he'd rui
him against locomotive, going out at The
rate of forty miles an hour Before ole
Thompson had time to shut the front door
Smith collected his legs and one thing an(
another that were lying around on tht
pavement, arrangd himself in a vertica
position, and yelled out
Z" Mr.. Thompson, sir: 1t may not b.
known to you which made the old maj
so wretched mad that he went out and Sc
bull terrier on Smith before he had
chance TO lift brogan, and there was
scientific dog-fght, with odds in favor o
the dog, for he had an awful hold !or sucl