Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1869-09-17
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

/, n huSfIClObs ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
4 A cowARDLY gentleman Surrender.
MAMA good man leayeth minIierit.
ance In the Washington Life Insurance
Company Of New York. r .
THE paregoric wedding " IS the latest
novelty and Is the first ON the list. X is
given on the first anniversary of a married
couple who have meantime been, blessed
with an heir. p '~.
An invalid disturbed an the Inmates of
his b0ardilfg.house, fecently, by initiating
n dog. When nslSed why he did II, hesaid
he had been ordered by his physician TO
use POrt.wine and bark. r -
"TiIE pleased man that, preached for us
last Sunday @said Mrs. Putington, Served
the Lord for thirty years--first as n circus
rider, then asa locust preacher and last
as an exhausteT"
AMAN attempted to spell "crockery "
the other day, and proceeded thus,
"kraughkoarreighe,"- but expired in a
spasm before he could mike a y, with
which he intended to-end the word.
THERE'S the Rub---" Plain faced girls
should dress plainly" remarks lady of
authority.on fashion. Was there ever n
young lady who was willing TO admit that
she had piain faccY
SOME things comedy odd names The
most uncommon thing in nature Is styled
common sense;" a paper half a mile
long is a "brief; and a melancholy ditty,
devoid of sense or meaning, is a "Blee.'
REV On. Eliot says, of all persons in
the world, travellers are apt to-be the most
unreasonable, and if there is quarter OF
nm inch of selfishness in man, it shows
itself up in cars and steamboats,.
ExCURsIoNIsT (from Salt Lake), "Give
me through tickets for fifteen grown per.
sons and thirty-nine children" New
Ticket Clerk qrom Massachusetts). II
it's n school or an asylum, we can make
them cheaper 10 you" Excursionist (n-
dignantly). "Sirl it's my own private
family, siri"
AMONG the latest promotions in the
French army was one of captain of the
guard who was elevated to the rank OF
commandant. On learning the news his
little girl began to sing and dance and clap
her hands. "What makes you so glad ~
inquired her mother, "Why, if papa is
commandant there will be music at his
funeral" ste
A YOUNG lady having asked a gentle.
man the size of his neck, he sent the fol
lowing:
The size of my ncck That'srcmarbably strange
And admits OF very significant range;
4 neelAic, collar, sore throat halter,
| And others, enough TO make a Inau iater;
| Let this tender reply anxiety check,
The length oryour armwill just go round my neck
A ROMAN ecclesiastic, in reply to what
ever question might be proposed, bogar
| by saying, 81 make distinction" A
certain cardinal, having invited him tC
| dine, proposed TO derive some amusement
| for the company from the well.known pc
cullarity Of his guest. Saying that he lat
an important question to propose, ht
asked "Is il under any circumstance
| lawful to baptizc in soup?" "I make
distinction" said the priest; "if you ask
Is it lawful to baptize in soup in general?
| say no; if you ask, Tsit lawful to hap
tize in your eXcellency's soupy' say yei
for there is really no difference between
| it and water"
LIFE AssuRANCE.-Th important sub
| icct of Life Assurance is gradually and dc
scrvedly gaining public attention by tn,
force of its own merits. The time is no
far distant when the death of man leav
ing his family unprovided for by policy
of Life Assurance, will leave stain o
neglected duty upon his character. IL is
duty which every man owes to his owl
dependents and to the community. II,
who neglccts Is not good husband, fathc
| or citizen. He has no right even to risl
the chance of throwing the future support
of his family, in case of his death, on tho
community ut large, or on relatives and
| friends when it is in hls power so easily
and surely to provide against such con
| tingencics. OF all the companies doin,
business tho Washington stands second I,
none.
THE New York Herald states that no
long ago u tailor i'm that city, who is happy
enough to he considered II master of hi
art by some of his customers, received
from Europe what appeared to be ncithe
more nor less than coffin. For time h
feared 60 investigate the mystery. But, tax
ing heart of grace and hammer, at last h
opened the dolorous case, and within
| found nothing more nor less than the coun
terieit presentment of one of his devoted
"clicnts," Sent abroad to reside, and find
ing no tailor either in London or Pari
who could do justice to his fair propoI
tions this intelligent youth had caused t
be made an exact manikin likeness o
himself, which he had forwarded to hi
New York "artist,N in opler that his gal
mcnts might be fitted thereon without fla,
or fear of fault. c
| "MARK TWAIN" gets off the followin
In the Buffalo ErpresS: "John Wagner
the Oldest man in Builalo-10i ycars-r,
Gently walked mile and half In ="
| ,'~Nlss, II = -L~--c-i ---,I bIlght q
any of these other old men who clarg
around so in the newspapers, and is eRer
way rs remarkable. Last November h
walked five blocks in n rain storm, withor
any shelter but an umbrella, and cast h
vote for Grant, remarking that he ha
voted for forty seven Presidents -.whic
was lie. His "second crop of rich brow
hair" arrived from New York yesterda,
and he has II new set of teeth coming
from Philadelphia. He is to be marie
next week ton girl 10S years old, who sti
takes in washing. They have been el
! gagged eighty years but their parents pc
! sisten'ly refused their consent until thrC
days ago"