Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-12-17
glnM0rQll8.

puppy on a pSuueEs anu tle ptleF "a u uehush
on puppy.
A YOUNG lady studying French, and finding
that "bella meant fine told somebody in
a letter that we bad a great deal Of belle
weather lately.
a MAN BY the name Of Death lost $4,000
by the burning Of bis distillery at Warsaw,
Illinois, the other day. II was the frst time
that death ever lost anything by the whisky
business.
A GENTLEaAN being asked whether he was
seriously injured when steam boiler explo-
ded, replied that be was so used to being
blown up by his wife, that mere steam had
no effect on him.
BrPoRE love comes in at the door, it would
be wen to take a peep through the key hole.
IIe might see something that would prevent
him from entering
EXEMPT "A man who had been drafted in
town IN New York, hung himself because
he didn' 4 want to 60 soldering The Coro-
ner was sent for, and returned the wise yer.
diet Of exempt"
Low-NEegeD shirts are pronounced the la
test style for nice young men. just ina
CINE sweet youth with his hair parted 10 the
middle, a brass headed cane, and low-neck- I
ed shirt
TnE other day lady in Carol county,
Georgia, gave birth to twins. On the same
day and IN the same house, two other daugh-
ters brought forth twins-all boys. They
must have bad a Boys-terous time in that
mansion.
A couNTRYMAN applied to a lawyer for legal
advice. After detailing the circumstances of
the case, be was asked if be had stated the
facts as they had occurred. "0h, aye, sir,
rejoined he, II thoughtit it better to tell you
the plain truth you can put the lies to II
yourself
GET cut Of the way, boy get out of the
way said gentleman on horseback to
boy in the road. My horse don like donl-
eys."
.Doan't hep said the boy 'Then why
doan't he kick you off"
GESrEaEs Of the jury, said an Irish bar
rister, sit viii be for you to say whether this
defendant shall be allowed to come into court
with unbiushiug footsteps, with the cloak of
hypocrisy in his mouth, and to Withdraw
three bullocks out of my client pocket with
impanityn
Do you say your prayers regularly every
night aud morning." asked a sympathetic
lady Of a little shoeblack, to whom she had
just given triae, I alluz sez um at night
mum, but any smart boy can take care of his.
selfiu the day time, was the little rogue's re. |
ply.
The boys Chattanooga must be dreadfully
sharp. Here is case in point, quoted by
the admiriDg journals of Tennessee. ga
young fellow was asked by the Squire whether
he understood the nature of an oath ~ 'sJust
step out into the street and give me chance
to cuss you" was the reply.
Ax exchange says, that some weeks since,
a woman, in Que of the counties in the south
vest of this State, hung herself because her
husband went to California. The next week, !
more than dozen husbands ia the same
neighborhood started for California, but their
wives couldn't see it. They wouldn't hang
worth cent.
A LADY, whose deceased husband had not
enjoyed continuous flow Of felicity during |
life. was asked at seance one night if she
would Ike a communication from his spirit
II believe not" she said, ''If he's got no
more spirit in the other world than he had in |
this, it's not worth bothering about"
MH. G. was most inyeterate punster
Lying very i'll Of The cholera, his nurse pro
posed to prepare young, tender chicken.
Hadu't you better have an old hen i? said G., |
in low whisper-he was too i'll TO speak loud !
er--for she would be more apt to Clay on |
my stomach. G. fell back exhausted, and the
nurse tainted.
AFFECTED young lady, seated in a rocking
chair, reading the Bible, exclaimed:
Mother, here is a grammatical error in
the Bible"
Mother, lowering her spectacles, aud ap-
preaching the reader in very scrutinizing
attitude, says: ''Kiilitl kill it! it is the very
thing that has been eating the leaves and
book marks.
AT railway station an old lady said to
very pompous looking gentleman, who was
talEing about steam communication, ''Pray, /
sir, what is steam ?' tSteam, ma am, is
at !-steam is steam, y u knew that chap
couldn't tell you, said rough looking fel- /
low, standing by "bat steam is bucket of
water in q tremendous Pers. ration
a GENTLEMAN was seated with other per-
sons in q room where country girl sat bolt
upright, and utterly silent. Silence, indeed, /
ielIuron the entire party, aud the gentleman
frss alluded to said in what he supposed to be |
an almost inaudible tone Of voice: lawful /
paws Il gness. Mister" exclaimed the
indignant country lass, jumping up, "you d |
bayc awful paws, too, If you had to do the
sera5biHg hat does.
A rouSa man with fearful physiognomy
made his appearance before a Detroit artist, /
the other days to have his picture taken "for
Sary." Two or three efforts were made, the /
result each time being so ugly picture that
the unhappy young man finally became dis |
coCraged Then a bright idea struck him.
He sat with his back to the camera, and had
his back and the rear portion Of his head
taken. This he called joke on his nose,
IS well as ful6lment Of his promise to the
girl OF his heart.
Yoryc man, do you believe in future
state? ia course / does and, what's more,
i intend to enter in it as soon as Betsey gets
her weddipg things ready" ''You mistake
me do you believe in future state of re-
wards and punishments ?'' Most assured /
ly; if should cut mugs with red headed
woman, should expect my hat indented by
the frst broomsick she could lay her hands
on" $50 to, young man, You are incorrigi-
be. Go te." $50 two. If II wasn't the
law agin bigamy, darned if l wouldn't go a