The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1869-09-11

Il is singular fact that most of crack
rife shots have blue eyes.
The original name of the Hub must
have been Bosh-town, corrupted after
wards to Boston.
What is the difference between a pill
and hill? One is hard 10 get up, and
the other is hard TO get down.
Ny son, know ihyse!f' solemnly
said father to one of his offspring.
q Thank you, sir, replied the son, but
my list of acquaintances is sufficiently
large already.
What should young man carry with
him when calling upon his affianced! AZ
feetion in his heart, perfection IN his man
ners, and confection in his pockets.
4 young Welshman, Tilted by the girl
of his choice. has sent in TO her bill for
damages, in which perhaps the most cruel
item is +" To twelve days lest IN your
company, e4 IS Cd"
Upon the reading of the Declaration of
Independence at lpsilant, Mich, by
citizen OF that place. gentleman from
the rural districts made this COMMENT
''Oh, be reads it we'll enough, but darned
If I believe he wrote it"
4 well-known physician used to say
that roast beef, serenity ofmind. cold wa.
ter baths, and an amiable wife, would
make almost any man healthy, wealthy
and wise.
An old offender was lately introduced
to new country justice of the peace as
John Simmons, alias Jones, alias Smith.
" I'll try the rwo women first" said the
thick-headed justice. Bring in Alice
Jones"
The ability of the female tongue tokeep
a secret is proved by the conduct of st.
Johns girl, whodid not tell her lover that
she was worth four million in her own
right until after the marriage. But who
will believe that he didn't know i
A person was asked why he did not
take a newspaper. Because said he.
(" Ny father, when he died, left me good
many newspapers, and havn't read them
through yet" He afterwards became q
paupcr.
A wise old gentleman, who knew all
about it, on retiring from business, gave
the following sage advice to his son and
successor: "Common sense, my son is
valuable in all kinds of business-except
love making"
On certain occasion of an eclipse in
Virginia a colored individual became
greatly elated:
{ sRress de lord p said he ade nigger's
time hab come at last, and we's gwine to
hab black sun"
An Irish emigrans, hearing the sun
set gun at Portsmouth, asked sailor,
What's thatlY "Why. that's sunset"
was the reply. j" Sunset" exclaimed Pat;
and does the sun go down in this country
with such bang as that!
A GRAVE JtKE.-Some wag took a !
drunken fellow, placed him in coffin,
with the lid 80 he could raise it, placed it !
in a graveyard, and waited to see the eff
feot-After shert time the fumes OF tho
liquor left him, and his position being
rather confined, he aat upright, and afters
looking around "Wal | am tho trstd
that's rix or else am confouudedly be-
lated
AA IRISH gentleman, resident in Can
ada, was desirous Of persaading his sons
to work k as backwoodsmen, instead offritter-
ing away their constitutions and money IN
luxuries and pleasure; and, as cham-
pacne costssomething more than five shill-
! ings 4 bottle, whenever the old gentleman
| saw his sons raise the sparkling mixture
to their lips he used humorously to ex-
claim to them All, my boys, there goes
an acre Of land, trees and all =