Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1869-05-13
Deceit of Song Writers.
BY THE "rAr CONTRIBUTOR"

BY THE FAT CONTRIBUTOR.
The man who wrot, "Home
Sweet Home" never had home.-
Eachonge,
No. of course not. All his folks
at home say he didn't Nobody
who writes about any thing ever has
it. If a man is out of anything
he Immediately goes and writes
about it. No one writes so many
"headings" as the man who is out
of his head.
Certainly he didn't have any
home. The man who wrote "Old
Arm chair" never had an arm chair
in all his life, The best he had
was an old split bottom chair with
out any back to it.
The author of Take Me Back to
Switzerland" never was in Switzer-
land The nearest he ever came
to it was sitting in the VIM. Tell
saloon eating Switzer kase-kase
why, that WAS the best he could do
"Mother, I've Come home to
Die" hasn't spoken of the old wo-
nan for years, and wouldn't go
near the house. Besides, he is one
of that class of spiritualists who
don't believe they ever will die
His health was never better. His
mother is nothing but mother in
law, and she is dead, anyhow.
There is the author of .Old Oak
en- Bucket" too; there wasn't a
bucket on the whole farm, water
being drawn with tin. pail and a
cistern pole.
''If l had but thousand a year.
stated privately to his friends thai
he would he perfectly contented
with half that sum ;. as he was do.
ing chores just tor his board and
three months schooling in the win
| ter
The author Of champagne Char
ley" never drank any thing but ter
cent whisky.
The man who wrote MARY had {
little lamb" knew very well it wa:
nothing but little lamb fry.
''Shells Of Ocean is humbug
The plaintive poet who represent
himself as wandering, one summer
eve, with seabeat thought, on pen
sive shore, was raised in the inte
rior Pennsylvania, and never wa
ten miles away from home in all hi
life. "Gathered Shells,'' did he
All the shells he ever gathered wer,
some egg shells back Of his moth
er's kitchen.
'Hark. l hear the angles singing
spent all his evenings in concer
beer saloon. Angles indeed!
The man who wrote the Song o
the Shirt" hadn't a shirt to hi
back, wearing a wampus for tn
most part.
"Oft in the Silly Night used t,
get on q spree and make the still,
night howl till day break.
The author OF ''We met by chance
knew very well it was all arranged
before hand. He had been week
in contriving it,-and she admired
his contrivance.
The author II know bank" &c
didn't know one where lie coul,
get his note discontinued. The on
ly check he ever held was whit
check on a faro bank He neve
had red check in all his life.
'.What are the wild waves say
ing ?" knew very well they were re
preaching him for running ava
from Long Branch without payip;
} his hotel bill.
Nv ho viii care for mother now !?
Who, indeed! You took the oil
woman to the poor house just be
fore writing the song, and there
nobody but the poormaster to ca.
for her now.
Hear me, Norma" was deaf an
dumb. He couldn't make his p
hear norma.
My mother dear" used to thras
the old woman within all inch c
! her life.
The author of Grain on the roof
always slept in the basement, ez
cept when he slept out OF doors.
Let me kiss him for his mother
got mad because his mothe
wouldn't have him, and whippe
her-little boy within an inch OF hi
! life.
II dreampt I dwelt in marbl
+ halls,' used to cheat at marble
:, when a boy, and his dream was
, horrid nightmare, brought on b
remorse at the recollection Of frauC
uient marble hauIs.
Pm saddest when I sing We
tickled almost to death when inv
ted to.
Happy be thy Dreams" sol
y benzine whisky. You can fanc
what kind Of dreams were produces
No one to love-" having ju
:. killed off his fifth wife, naturally fe