The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-12-25
VARIOUS ITEMS.

VARIOUS ITEMS.
What was Eve created for? Adams
Express Company.
What flower would finish drawing
room best Rose would
When shoemaker is going to make
boot the first thing he uses is the last.
When pretty girl falls in love with
an lrishman her heart always goes pity
Pat.
What difference it makes whether
you put DIR. before or after mans
name.
The hog may not be thoroughly posted
in arithmetic, but when you come to
square root he is there.
When petulant individual observes
to you, g You had better eat me up,
hadn't your" don't you do it.
A Woman recently died at Cory,
Penn, from the effects of chloroform
given for the purpose of extracting teeth
without pain.
At a New England county fair the re-
ceipts were SO much below the expenses
that only sixty certs on the dollar will be
paid on the premiums.
While a mother was brooding over her
i poverty, her little son said: ss Mamma, I
| think God hears when We scrape the bot
tom of the flour barrel y
A New York special thinks Collector
Grinnelf will resign shortly. Hiram
Walbridge, Ezra Cornell and Judge
4 Pierpont are mentioned for the success
! sion
A New York jury has acquitted the
policeman who shot and killed man
who was running away from him, on the
ground that the act was committed g part
ly in self-defence.0
Jones said to Nibbles, s' Poor Lucinda
took that circumstance very much to
heart" Nibbles replied: . Did she
indeed ? The dear girl! I wish was
that circumstance"
The papers relate an aneedote of a
beautiful young lady, who had become
blind, having recovered her eyesisht
i after marriage. It is no uncomon thing
for peoples eyes to be opened by matri-
mony.
A man out West who read that dry
coppeIas put in bed of ants would
II CduSC bHCiiI W lCdtC pun SOIiC HI Aio
mother-in laws bed to see if she wouldn't
go. He says she was there at last ac
counts.
At one of our common schools, the
teacher, in catechising his scholars, put
the following question :" w hat was made
to give light to the world ?'' g Matches"
cried one of the youngsters, after short
pause.
"Here, Tommy, is some nice castor oil,
with orange peel in it. ;" Doctor Now,
remember, don't give it all to Tommy;
leave some for me-" Tommy who has
been there before e)-"Doctor' nice man,
q ma; give it all to the doctor"
Why do you wink at me, sir?" said
a beautiful young lady, angrily, to a
stranger, at party, an evening or two
since. 81 beg your pardon, madam, y
replied the wit. . winked as men do
when looking at the sun; your splendor
dazzled my eyes"
The first shipment of teas, in bond, by
, Pacific Railroad, went forward last week
It consists of 612 packages received per
, steamer Japan. Hereafter all teas for
Eastern markets will be shipped in
: bond by railroad, contracts for that
purpose having been made with the rail
roads.
From letters found on the body of
John Barber, a wood chopper, murdered
at Eureka, Mo-, few days ago, it ap-
pears that he was, with one brother and
!, his mother, heir to an estate, in Bombay
valued at S1,000,000. The letter had
just been received, and was still unopen-
ed.
On the day of election at Worcester,
: Mass, woman's ticket was put in the
field, headed by Ann Shaw Green, OF
f West Roxbury, for Governor. Several
women insisted on their privilege to vote
under the Fifteenth Amendment, and one
, ticket was actually depositedin in spite oi
, the officers.
r The naval paymaster who drew $40 .000
, from the fund appropriated for marine
{ barracks on the Pacific Coast has failed
!. to build the barracks, or make any ac
| count of the money. The marines will
therefore be compelled to wait another
appropriation before tho barracks can be
) constructed. The marines accounts show
5 deficit of 81 100000.
: NEW nuEPTTCEMENTC