The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-09-17
MsCMLAxIoUs ITRns.

RoCHEsTzR boasts Of two baseball
clubs, called the Early Bird" and I'm
fortunate Worms" In q recent match the
latter beat the former.
An observing correspondent says that
New York city is a growing town, owned
chiefly by hotel clerks
"MAlndA's darling didn't hurt his little
cousin purposely, did he, dear? TWAS all
an accident to be sure" "Yes, mamma,
and al l want is chance to crack him
again"
In view of the modern improvements,
it has been suggested that old Father Time
should throw away his hour glass and
scythe and buy watch and moving
machine.
"WoN'T you take half of this poor ap-
ple?" said pretty damsel. mo, thank
you. ! would prefer better half" Eliza
blushed and referred him to papa
THE Buffalo Commercial speaks of the
Vanderbilt Crawford wedding as the
union of December and May. 1t is more
like the union of December and April L.
Detroit Tribune.
A JEALOUS expressman of Buffalo, wish
ing to convey an idea of great celebrity in
the prosecution of his business, has daubed
on the side of his wagon the intelligent
notice, "LITEN express"
THE last society spoken Of in California
is the Pay -Nothingsl" 1t is said to be
alarmingly prosperous. The password is
"Lend me dollar?" The response,
"Broke!"
As they have stopped boring the st.
Louis artesian well at a depth of 9, 843 feet,
Mark Twain, in the Buffalo Express, asks
why they don't go around and try the
other end, as there must be water there
somewhere.
A MAN who had been arrested as q va
grant protested that he had a regular trade
and calling, to-wit: Smoking glass for a
total eclipse of the sun and as these Oc-
cur only few times in century, he was
not to blame for being out Unemployment a
good deal.
A RESIDENT of Birmingham, Connect
cut, recently accidentally shot himselfin the
hand with pistol, the ball passing through
the bones of the little finger of his left
hand. He refused to have it amputated
and in few days modification set in. The
finger, with a portion of the left hand, was
then removed, but lock jaw set in, from
the effects of which he died.
"a fAhIf VI IcuCIulCu WcIC uiSCuSSiHS
foreign customs, and one ofthem remarked
upon the American habit of designating
streets, not after celebrated men, noted
battles, &c, but by numbers, as Seven
teenth street, Fortieth street. &c. Elk
actly," remarked one of the party. And
the Americans name their generals in the
same way. We have just had here General
Die"
AN individual, the other day, went td
one of the drug stores of Boston and
called for pint Of whisky, claiming thai
he wanted to put it on some roots for med
icine He obtained the whisky, and i'm
mediately raised the bottle to his lips ant
| imbibed grown persons dose of the
ardent The drug clerk demonstrated
with the customer for his duplicity, anG
was informed that it was for the roots o
his tongue for which he desired the whisky
AN eminent writer on finance an(
economy, NJ Eugene Forecade, became in
sane two years ago. His friends applied
to have the "care" of his property, bu
apparently left the invalid to take care o
himself However, strange lady, :
widow, and an admirer of Forecade's tai
ent, stepped in, and for two years nurset
him through his illness. The Court havin.
pronounced him of sound mind, the mex
day he married his heroic nurse, and the!
started for Italy to pass their honeymoon
Paris Letter.