Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-10-22
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

. FARMERS insure bD6lT lives Ill Juc w dSll-
ington of New York.
WHY is musical instrument like the
sea? Because it is often sounded.
THE most important part of every mans
education is that which he gives to him
self
A NEW YORK auctioneer announces for
sale " oil paintings by some of the ancient
masters of the day"
| The reason why piano was not saved
at fire was because none of the firemen
could play on it.
| Mr.. S1MMs says if it wasn't for the hole
in the hoop you couldn't put it on the
barrel, and the barrel would burst.
If you would find great many faults,
be on the lookout. If you would find
them in still greater abundance, be on the
look-in.
WHATS the difference between water
and whisky? Men slip on the former
when it's frozen, and on the latter when
it isn't.
WHAT is the difference between the la
bors of farmer and seamstress? One
gathers what he sows, the other sews what
she gathers.
JONES" Poor Lucinda took that cir
cumstance very much to heart" Nibbles
=" Did she, indeed? The dear girl 1
wish was that circumstance"
AN old farmer reports very fair growth
of corn in his section this season. He
states that in July it was so dark between
the rows that he was obliged to carry a
lantern to see to pillow it out.
AN unconscious but comical play upon
words was made by a little girl, not long
since, while relating to a sympathizlng
lady the loss of two pet calves. "What
caused their death" said the lady co."
was the answer, zone was hooked to
death, and the other died on its own
hook"
SAID male advocate of woman's rights:
"When l am in a crowded car, and lady
comes in, think it is the duty of some
other man to get up and give her his seat.
/ look around the car to see if any man in
the crowd looks like making a move in
that direction, and when 1 see them all
keep their seats, l hide my face behind my
newspaper, and blush for my SEX"
A lively New Orleans youth essayed the
role of ghost the other day, and was sound
ly thrashed by those he attempted to
brighten. He brought suit for assault
with intent to kill. "You wanted to be a
ghost, didn't your" inquired the Court
Eyes, / reckon sor' acknowledged the
youth. Well, it seems to me rather I'M
generous of you to wish to punish them
for helping you to become what you
s SOMEBODY recently played a practical
joke on the officers of the City Hall build
ing, at Lawrence, Kan, by procuring a
black snake, six or eight feet long, which
had been killed, and coiling it neatly in
side the entrance. 1t repeatedly fright
ened away several parties who come upon
it suddenly, but each returned in force to
kill it, among the rest delegation of the
police force of the place, whose proves
was tried in this way by the Sheriff, who
had also been victim. The dead snake
died seven times before its final dissolu-
/ ton.
The following letter explains itself, and
does credit to the Company and its hon
orable managers:
'. T NEW YORK, March Is, 1868.
I. N. SToDDARD, Esq.-DEAR SIR :
Your favor of the 10th instant is at hand.
The premium on Mr.. Johnson's policy
for January was unpaid and the policy
would have lapsed for non-payment of
premium, but for our rule of holding
policies in force while there is any
unused dividend to its credit. This is
rule peculiar to this company, and its ad-
vantage to the policy holder is exemplified
in this instance. Yours Truly,
NJ MITCHELL,
Vice Pres't Washington Life.
AN exchange has the following anec-
dote: A traveller, in going through. a thin
| " settled district of Western Pennsylva-
| MIA, passed tumbledown log cottage on
the roadside, and his attention was at
tracted by long rough pine board, nailed
up in the fashion of sign, and bearing in
characters of very primitive fashion, this
inscription:
my wyf QUERIES Goose
| and queries the Gamblers.
Utterly confOunded by the mysterious in
timation, he knocked at the door to have
the riddle explained, but the cottage. was
empty. r. He rode on, greatly perplexed,
and trying in vain to divine the peculiar
relation which this singular family ap-
peared to have established with geese, and
Judged Of sufficient importance to pro-
claim thus ostentatiously. Presently he
met an old countryman liInping along with
stick, and asked him if he knew the
house. 90 yes; I live there with my old
woman" And what do youdo ?" We'll,
you see my old woman and mefare kind of
doctors like: she cures the fever nagurs,
and | cures the janders." .-,.7s a