Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-07-23
Uncle Silnon's WING Vote
BY HAP HAZARD.

Come, Uncle Simon, tell us how
you came to be such strong Demo
crat.'
This was addressed to an old settler,
who, with some dozen of young fell
lows, were scattered around the bar
room fire in a village tavern, discuss
ing politics.
We'll, boys says Uncle Simon, Il
suppose l must tell you the story, as
it may be of some use to you. But ii
always makes me feel uncomfortable
when L think of it, so perhaps you
had better order something to quiet
my nerves.
The New England was brought,
and after taking pull, he commence
ed. | will let him tell the story in
his own way.
Now, boys, you must know that
my father was strong Democrat,
and he brought me up In the same
way, and | always voted the straight
ticket until one spring the Whig COM
mittec came TO me, and by promising
me an Office under Government, as
hog howard, pursuaded me to vote
the pesky whig ticket.
(Here he took long pull, and ap,
peared much affected.)
Carried away by visions of future
glory and advancement, / went tho
next day and voted. did not fee
quite right about it, and kept think
ing all the way home about Jacob:
Esaus, Patent Rights and Potash.
Il got home safe, but couldn't
look my wife and children I'm the
face, so l took the milk pail, and
went out to milk. had an old cow,
the most gentle cow / ever saw In
my life. Well, hadn't hardly got
into the barn before bang came her
old foot. and the pail went whlgging
out of the door, clean across the yard.
| went and got it-feeling pretty
mad, I tell you; but I quieted her
after while by telling her what a
fool she made of herself and she
kept pretty quiet till l had got her
about half milked, when lap came
her cussed old hoof and laid me and
the pail of milk up against the side
of the barn. / picked myself up,
and by that time / had got all-fired
mad, tell you; SO I got rope and
tied her up, and walloped her harm.
sum, now / tell you. Then L finished
milking her, and started for the
house with about o quart of milk.
Il had flock of fine sheep In the
yard, all of 'em as quiet as cossets
They gathered around me, and first
one would put his nose into the pail
then another, till IL was all gone.
was so mad with myself and the
darned old COW that didn't notice
them. At last an old ram came up
and lot finding any milk, he backed
off about fifteen feet and came fol
me, picked up what there was left o.
Uncle Simon and the pail, off from
pile of wood, and started for the
house again.
Just as l got to the door, l saw al
my hogs going oat Of the front gate
l started for them to head them off
l had new buggy wagon, standing
in the yard, that cost me fifty dollars
They run, and one Of the d--d hogs
run right through one Of the wheel,
and broke his cussed back and two o
the spokes.
i gave up in despair, and went in
to the house, feeling kinder savage
and mean, too. My wife, Sally, wa
at work when I came In, but sh,
looked up at me. Says she why
Simon, what ia the matter with you
you look rs mean as II you had beer
stealing sheep, or something dread
fulv
: Says !, Sally, set down there
Now, III tell you all about it. So
told her the whole story; and say,
she, 1T is judgment on you, for be
traying your country She said tina
l was worse than Judas of old, and
think was now.
Now, boys said he solemnly, y
yon ever expect to be anybody, or I,
leave a name that will be held up a
an example to your future ancestry
just remember my experience, ans
always vote the straight Democrat
ic ticket
But how about the Government
Office, Uncle Simon p says one of us
oh. / have never applied for tina
yet, said he as he emptied his g,as
and set it down with melanchol,
shake OF his head, while we wer
roaring with laughter.
p. S.-But remember boys, the tru
Democratic ticket of the present day
is the straight out Republican ticket
Douglas taught US this in 1861.