The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1869-03-24
More Gem, From Josh Billings.
HE DESCRIBES THE BED BUG AND THE
ROOSTER.

HE DESCRIBES THE BED BUG AND THE
ROOSTER.
never see enybudy yet but what dispized
bed bugs. They ar the meenest OF aul craul-
In, creepin, hoppin or bitin things.
They darsent takle O man by dalite, but
sneek in alter dark, and ehor him while he is
farsi asleep.
A musketo will fite you in broad dalite at
short range, an give you fare chance tew
mock in his sides-the fee is game bug, an
will make dash at yew even in Broadway,
but the bed bug is garroter, who wates till
you strip, an then picks out mellow plase
tew eat yew:
Ii wuz IN the habbit of swarm, woodn't
hesitate tew cuss a bed bug rite tew his fais
Bed bugs ar uncommon smart in a small
way; one pare OF EN- will stock hare mat
trus in weaks with bugs enuff tew larst
small pbamily whole year.
1t don't do no good tew pray when bed bugs
ar in seeson 1.-THE only way to git red of em is
to bile the whole bed in aqueer iortis, and
then heave it ava an by nu one.
Bed bugs, when thay hev grone aul they
intend to, thay ar about the signs of a blew
jays eye, an have brown complexion, an
when thay start out to garrote ar as gresse
spot, but when tbay git thru garroUin thay ar
sweld up like blister.
1t talks em tew daiz tew git the swellin oGt
of em.
Ifbed bugs have eny destiny tew fill it must
he thare stumucks, but it seems to me that
thay must hev been maid by axydent, Jest as
slivvers ar, tu stick into sumbudy.
Ii tina wuZ gut up tor sum wize purpus, tina
must hev took the rong rode, for thare karnt
bee eny wisdum in chawin a man aul mite
long. an rasin phamily besides to foller the
saim traid.
1t thare is sum wisdum in aul this, hoap
the bedbugs will chaw them foax who kan
sea it, an leeve me be, becos am one of the
hereticks.
Thare is not upon the whole horizon oy
live natur more pleasing and strengthening
study than the Rooster. This remarkable
package ov fethurs has bin fur ages phood for
philosophik as well as the simply curious
mind. They belong tew the feathered seckt
denoninated poletry, and are the husbands
of menny wives. In Utah it is considered
disgrace 2 speek disrespekful OF rooster.
Brigham Young's coat OF arms is rooster,
in full blast, growing till he almost bent over
backward.
The flesh ov the rooster Is very similar to |
the flesh ov the hen; it is as hard distin- |
guish the difference, especially in your soup.
BOOSTERS are the pugilists among the domes- |
tik burds; tha ware the belt, and having no |
shoulder to strike from tina strike from the |
heel.
BOOSTERS, according to profane history, if
mi edukashun remembers me right were
formely man, who cum suddenly upon one |
ov the heatden gods at time when he want |
prepared 2 see company, and waz for that Of |
Tense rebilt over in2 the first rooster, and waz
forever afterwarc destined 3 crow, as kind |
Of warning. This change from man ac-
counts Tor his fighting abilities and for their
politeness hens. There is nothing in a /
man that woman admires more than bis red |
dyniss and ability 2 smash another feller, & |
it is jest so with hen. When a rooster gifts |
licked the hens oil marck orph with the 9TH |
er rooster, ii he arnt half so big or hansum.
1t is pluck that wins hen or woman.
There is CRATE variety ov pedigree amung
the rooster race, but for stiddy biziness give
me the old fash dominique rooster, short-leg-
ged, and when they walk they alwus strut,
and their buzzums stick out like an alder
mans abdominal cupboard. This breed is
hawk colored, and has crooked tail on
them arched like sickle, and as full ov feath-
ers as new duster.
Bat when you come right down to grit, and
throw all outside influences overheard, there
amt nothing on earth nor under it that. can
out-style, out-step, out-brag or out-pluck a
regular Bantum rooster,
They alwuz put me in mind ov a very |
small dandy practising before looking glass.
They don't weigh more than thirty ounces |
but they make az much fuss as tun. l |
have seen them trying to pick quarrel with
a two-hoss wagon, and don't think they
would hesitate to fight meeting house if it
Wuz the least sassy to them. cE
1t is more than fun tew hear one of these
little chevaliers crow; it is like four year
old baby trying to sing line out ov the
Star Spangled Banner