The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1869-12-31
Christopher Colombo.

The following is from Mark Twain's
''NeW Pilgrims Progress
The party amused themselves, and
nearly drove the guide crazy, at Gle
nOa, by pretending utter stupidity
and Indifference TO any wonders he
had to show. The guides i'm Genoa
are delighted to secure an American
party, because Americans so much
wonder, and deal so much in senti-
ment and emotion, before any relic
of Columbus. Our guide there fidget-
ed about as if he had swallowed a
mation-full of impatience. He
said:
'Come wis me, genteelmen-cOme
/ show you re letter writing by Chris
tOpher COlOmbO!-write it himself!-
write it wis his own handl-come.
He took US TO the municipal palace.
After much impressive fumbling of
keys and opening of locks, the stained
and aged document was spread before
us. The guides eyes spaFkled. He
danced about US, and touched the
parchment with his finger. ...
"What tell you, genteelmen? Is
it not so? See! handwriting of Chris
topher COlombOI-write it himselfp'
We looked Indifferent, ,uncOncerned.
The doctor examined the document
very deliberately, during a painful
pause. Then he said, without any
show of interest:
"Ah-FergusOn-what-what did
you say was the name of the party
who wrote thiS2''
"Christopher Colombo. Ze great
Christopher ColOmb0W
Another deliberate examination.
"Ah-did he write it himself, Or
or hOw?"
"He write it himself! Christopher
COlOmb0!-he's own handwriting, by
himselfW
Then the doctor laid the document
down, and said:
"Why, / have seen boys in Ameri-
ca, only fourteen years old, that could
write better than that"
"But Zis is re great Christie"
al don't care who il is! It's the
worst writing / ever saw. Now, you
must not think you can impose upon
us because we are strangers. We are
no fools by good deal. If you have
got any specimens of penmanship of
real merit, trOt them out!-and if you
haven't, drive Onli E
We drove on. The guide was con
siderably shaken up, but he made one
more venture. He had something
which he thought would overcome us.
He said:
"Ah,. genteelmen, you come wis mel
I show you beautiful, o, magnificent
bust of Christopher ColOmbOI Splen-
did, grand, magnificent"
He brought US before the beautiful
bust-fOr it was beautiful-and sprang
back and struck an attitude:
"Ah, look, genteelmen!-be beautiful,
grand-bust Christopher Colombo!
beautiful bust-beauliful pedestal!"
The doctor put up his eye-glass pro-
cured for such occasions:
"Ah, what did you say'this gentle
mans name was?"
"Christopher COlOmbOi-Ze great
Christopher COlumbO."
Christopher COlOmbO-the great
Christopher Colombo. Well, what
did he dO?"
"DiscOver America discover Amer
lea. o, re devil"
."DiscOYer America? No, that state
ment will hardly wash. We are just
from America ourselves. We heard
nothing aboutit. Christopher COlom-
bO-pleasant name. Isis he dead?"
"Oh, cOpO di BacchO!-three hum
dred yearsI'
"What did he die Of?"
al do not knOw-I cannot tell"
"SmallpOX, Thinker
''I do not know, genteelmen. / do
not know 1Dhdt he died Off
"Measles, likely"
"May be-may be- do not know;
I think no die of something's"
parents living"
'1m-pOs-see-ablew
"Ah-which is the bust and which
is the pedestal?"
"Santa MariaI-Zis re -bustl-Zis re
pedestalw
"Ah-I see, / see-happy cOmbina-
ton, very happy combination indeed.
Is this the first time the gentleman
was ever on bust?"