National opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1865-1874, 1869-05-14
Spring and Biles.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

anu uCflA W "C'Soh tth
York state and parts adjacent!
Now the birds jaw, now the cat.
tie h ollar, now the pigs scream, now
the -eese warbul, now the kats sigh,
and natur is frisky; the earnest
ri ssmire, the virtuous bedbug. and
the nobby cockroach, arc sln ring
Yanke Doodle and Coming Thru
the Rhi. Now may be seen the
musketer, that gray outlined critter
ov destiny, solitary and alone, ex-
amining his last years bill, and
now may be heard with the naked
ear, the shanghigh bawling in the
barn yard.
Kittens in the doorway, and pup
pies on the green, neighbor chats
with neighbor, and the lanGuid ur-
chin creeps listless towards the
skool. These things are tust-rate
in their place, but spring brings
biles, and plants them carlessly,
sumtimes among the maiden's
charms, and sumtimes among the
young mems. | can tork like
brochure poet about biles jest now,
for | have one in full bloom GROWN
m me. almost ready to pick, az big
IA an egg, and full of anguish az a
broken heart.
Biles are the sorest things ov
their size on record. and az krOss
tew the touch as a settin hen, or
dog with a fresh bone. Biles al
was pick out the handyest place on
you're body tew build their nest, and
! if YOU undertake to brake them up
it only makes them mad, and takes
them longer tn hatch out. There
aint no sutch thing az coaXin nor
drivin them away. They are like
impudent bedbuss; they won't
move till they have got their fill.
Biles are old az religion. Job,
the profit, waZ the fust champion
ov biles, and he is currently report
; ed to have more biles, and more
pachunc, to the square inch, than
emmy one-two bad things to be
found in emmy may.
Biles and pachunc should az
soon think oy miXin counting and
, muskeeters together for luxury.
have got CRATE deal more faith
, than | have pashunc, but | havn't
got enough faith i'll bilcs.
wouldn't trust a bile on the end Of
:, my boots.
/ | think faith IL a better articl,
J. than pachunc. Faith sometimes IL
an evidence ov brains, and pashunC
quite often IL only numbnesS, but
; don't think, in these smooth shod
: times, it IL best tew have tew much
capital in either ov them.
But am ont ov the road. mus
$ Git back onto bilcs again.
@ If teller begins tn wonder, an,
.. cit out NV the straight and marrow
path. it is curious how quick he viii
begin to go to the -. Bile
/, are very sassy sumtimes when ye
z 20 to set down they will get betwec
II yer and the chair; that is one evI
dence of their i'll breeding, and
. had one once plant herself on th
III lrunt end of my noze, which waz
10 most remarkable piece NV bad maj
y ncrs. for there IL no room on IN
'' noZe for when it Is even ebb It'd
with my noze. it covers haF NV IN
re face.
,le Biles are said to he helthy, and
rs guess they am, for ! hev seen sul
hclthy old bileS, az big az u horne
nest and az full of stings. | a
ng ways want tcw be healthy a
NJ willing tew pay the highest prl'
zee for good deal of helthy- but II
ill., had tcw have tcw Dilcs on me a'
nd the time in order tew be hclthy,
should think that | was bullng Il
market.
it'll There IL one more smart thing
lis. bout biles they are like twin
IN they hardly ever cum slnsly. ana
have known them tu throw doul
skies.
all, What. twelve bilcs on man
Xes time! This is wurse than hg'
, a ing humble bees with your SUNNI
em clothes on. -,
Ice, But say all you kan about hll
ing call all the hard names current
mong hsh.mlngcrs. revue, per
cute, and spit on them, groan, gi
,;,c and swear when they visit YER,
T. ,'S - them over the head, and set on III
~ i - !, if yer please, there is u 'llhc III t''
~ NV ~ career when they concentrate all
',I, ,ha pathos ov Joy that , man mas
y '"I nn'I hand to spare, and that is, WI
Thc they bust. -,
.n,"i ,nu This IL bliss, glory and rcve'
wv" on the half.shcll. a man leans d
in rcctiiicd comfort. NJ innocent
M timber ~ mermaid. This p
Sun' for the fretlul nights ana herV
'loci' dnys. while tie bile has been ha
'sc,c ing; this shows us what u y
,"i'. grin and bear lt-ti,is SHOWS
ck III wha, il IL TO he billed, and wr
made ont and hung up tcw dry. TIL
and I ,he calm nl,rr the storm, the
1t he 'nc ne ''',"' ",, ~ ,as,hunce, and
"'''' this IL the christening NV n'pe'
mystic hen that lays eggs az
this is butter on your sassagcs'
wiz WIZ Exit biles.
!, ,T," ,ing STRIPED BrGs. a pennsyl,
sh;n,, an snvs. ns "A remedy against
, low striped hug pest, that waite
,'a, iuw Su, ,.,ip, ,ot"sc ouions or the tops
&C. are peclings ofonions nave occn sue
ll,cen is eillcac'ous In driving away