Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-11-19
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
The best cough-Coffee.

THE best cOugh-C0Hee.
THE poorest tea-Poverty.
The best policy-The Washington Life
Insurance policy.
A SWAIN in Buffalo theatre broke the
stiffness of the third act of dull play by
singing out, Now Mary, do want to
kiss you"
AT one of our common schools, the
teacher, in catechising his scholars, put
the following question: What was made
to give light to the world? ?" Matches"
cried one of the youngsters, after short
pause
A MAN out West who read that dry cop
peras put in bed of ants would cause
them toJleave put some in his mother-ln-
laws bed to see if she wouldn't go. He
says she was there at last accounts.
"WHY do you wink at me, sir p said a
beautiful young lady, angrily, to stranger,
at party, an evening or two since.
beg your pardon, madam" replied the wit.
az winked as men do when looking at the
sun; your splendor dazzled my eyes"
AMIAB1E MOTHER" Here, Tommy, is
some nice castor oil, with orange peel in
it." Doctor Now, remember, don't
give it all to Tommy; leave some for me. y
Tommy (who has been there before)-
doctors nice man, ma give it all to
the doctor"
The Springfield Republican tells of an
agent who once upon time was sent out
to collect funds for Amherst College, and
on returning reported an excess of ex-
penditures over contributions, and added
"But, brethren, l have found great en-
courageh4ent to pray"
"I'M afraid you don't like babies when
they cry" said matron to gentleman,
as she tried to soothe the darling in her
arms. ooh, yes" said he, 81 like them
best when they cry, because I've always
observed that then they are invariably
carried out of the room"
NEVER TOO LATE TO MEND
6 Come, wife, said Will, 81 pray you devote
Just half minute to mend this coat,
Which nail has CHANGED to rend.'
'''Tis ten o'clock said the drowsy mate.
" know said Will, sit is rather late,
Butts never too late to mend.n e-L
LET every man understand! % cents
per day will secure policy of Life In
surance in the Washington for from 1900
to 5000 dollars, which is homestead in
cash, that cannot be burnt, stolen, at
tachedb spent, misapplied or lost but will
go to'your family in round sum, wher
ever they may be. 1t is within the reach
OF the poorest, if in health, out of reach
of the richest, if out Of health Insure
your life if you love your wife
ONE cold winter night, some twenty-five
years ago, couple appeared under the
window of a Squire in Washington coun-
ty, N. ", and called for him. The Squire
got out OF bed and asked what they
wanted. WANT to get married. -" Mar
rled and be darned," said the Squire. and
shut the window. Itwas short ceremony.
but they considered it sufficient, and are
living together as man and wife. @''s'
Ny DEAR, said Mr.. B. to his wife.
while his smiling countenance indicated
the consciousness of having done a. good
action :" have just had mylife insured
for your benefit" "Well, T DECLARE said
Mrs. b looking round upon her family
and friends with an impression of injured
innocence, just to think Of the selfish
ness OF men, and particularly of husbands.
There, you have been and had your life
insured, while your poor wife may 90 with
out any insurance on hers It's lust what
would expect of you r'- ..-.---
The following are literal translations
from essays composed by Kafir bows at the
ml nsle station, Keikamma Hook, South
Africa -" The .Iaiin0ceros. The story of
the rhinoceros he-rhinoceros is a yerv
angry beast. The horn of chat beast IS
one 1t is said that when it sees a. man it
pursues him till he climbs into a tree. that
he may escape from that beast. And if
he does not run he is torn to pieces bv il
but II he ran and climbed into a tree he
will escape, because that the rhinoceros
does not know how to climb. But it is said
that then it sits underneath the tree where
ting, man has climbed but do not know
whether the man has come down OF
whether that yhinoceros is sitting there
stlll,. -. The Hyena.-The hyena is a verv
greedy beast 1t is said that when thou
seest its den there are old garments Of
people, and peoples heads and bones, II
is sad that it ensnareth thus IF a GOAT
should die there are sought small stones
let them be maryland they are daubed
with blood, that it may eat them. For if
is said that it does not chew, but when if
finishes and wishes to run the stones rattle
IN Its stomach, and 1t stands listening Till
the morning, and the peoplec come and kill