The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-05-20
Sprague and Abbott.

self, and, though Ills broadness may disgust
some, yet his satire is ADM admirable. sz
SIN our Office hangs a map Of the United
States, which cost ten dollars. That is. the
map, not, the office, Away up yonder toward
the toppermost end is little spot of red, about
the size of a drop of blood from mans nose,
after, muscular visitation upon the aforesaid
nasal organ. Tart not, gentle reader; thatis
Rhode Island. use ais5ao, g!smsq siaT
Iii small chunk of terra .tii,naa, lodged
in the crack between Massachusetts and Con
necticut. United States Senator Sprague lives
there; that is, when at home Sprague is a
lively rooster for one of his size. He owns
some cotton mills, with much spindles. And
he employs many spinsters, who spin with
those spindles. lie counteth his ducats by ye
million. Il He rolls and reyels5in wealth, Ike
a calf in the green pasture Of a clover field
He aboundcth in means, and no odds asketh
he of any man for the loan of dollar Wealth
sits enthroned in the pockets Of his breeches,
like terrapin on rock, handy to have about
the house. azis tts sta - ie
r. When sprague wanted jews-harp, vial
Iof paregoric, set Of knives and forks, q new
tooth in his garden rake, a box of paper col
lars, a two-cent postage-stamp, sahc purchased
the same without embarrassment. We all
know Sprague He cottons to nobody, although
much cotton manufactures he. Not by his own
hands, but by dint of his directions. And
though he is no apostle, his cotton-mills are
made up among the profits. Therefore, great
is Sprague. In fact he is There is of Rhode
Island, except providence; ard mighty little
docs Rhode Island, or any other part of New
England, care for Providence, and Providence
careth not much for New. England.
! When Spraguo lifts his voice in the United
States Senate, it is not Rhode Island but
sprague that speaketh. When Rhode Island
says Wag togSprague, sprague wagcth not at
all. But when Sprague saith to Rhode Island
wag, then doth Rhode Island wag. OF late
4 the United States Senator from Rhode Island
has been giving the Republican party fits
He says it is made up of liars, thieves lrascals,
towards, bounty'jumpers, army spectators,
4 shoddy contractors, and eminent ROSTERS of
devilment generally. He made speech ir
the Senate the other day, which kicked up
more sneezing than would Cayenne pepper on
hot stove the nightofa spelling school
During his, speech he had occasion to say,
Puppy The was speaking of political pup
pies that have. no mind of their own.
| Some dogs come when.you whistle for them.
They understand this much of dog language
Some dogs, that is, young dogs, when you say,
"puppy," wag their tails, cock up their ears,
| elevate their noses, and look pleased. If
they are two old to.be puppies, it is necessary
to call them dogs. that no offence may be ta-
ken, therefore this discrimination. When
sprague said puppy" zone Abbott, Senator
from North Carolina, responded. Said Alb
bolt, ''Thats me; I'm puppy" No. matter
what suspicious people harbored there was no
proof Abbott was puppy till he barked. Alb
bolt is Senator from North Carolina; he carri-
ed a carpet-bag to that State, rested his heels
againsta pine three till they were covered with
tar, and at last finds his tent pitched in the
United State Senate. g asns'4,sfs q "a
! Taking offence at Sprague's remarks, this
Abbott proposed to shoot the capital of Rhode
Island. He left with much haste for his home
down among the pine trees, set himself By al
open window, and waited for. Sprague to chat
lenge him, but ne challenge came. Then he
threatened to horsewhip Rhode Island if
Rhode Island would come down there, but
that little State had no business out Of Wash
ington. Then he avowed his determination to
cane the aforesaid Sprague on sight, but he
never saw him. That is, it was not convent
ent to look that way. Sprague said he would
shoot Abbott, and Abbott said he would kill
Sprague, and great was the CONSERVATION Of
the Senate. SO they had much ado about
nothing. s ,eHsl3Ni
SO they bowed and ranted, and canted, and
lodged, and backed, and filed, one going up
, one street and the other down the. other. one
going east at one end of the city and the
other going west at 'tother. with all the regu-
larity of a theatrical sword combat And
thus they had a terrible fight. And they
proved the wisdom of the Late Lamented's
remark when he said, e Nobody hurt" '3.
Editors in Washington wrote obituaries of.
both Senators handkerchiefs and mourning
gloves were purchased by the friends of both
parties; wills were made, property bequeath-
ed-Sprague directing the disposal of his
cotton mills, and Abbott of his carpet-bag.
But all to no purpose, for they did not shoot,
and more is the pity ~
We know who Sprague is, we have heard
OF him before, and expect to hear of him
again. But who is Abbott That's the
question. We know he is the tail of Sprague's
kite; the monkey that came in at Sprague's
menagerie; the man whom sprague brought
into notoriety. Therefore, Abbott, carpet-bag
delegate from North Carolina, we greet thee
All hail! But don't shoot. u
The Confederate Dead-Twenty Acres of HUI
man Bones. sisF4 q tlf8.
| A correspondent thus writes of the Con
federate burial place at Malvern Hill, Vir
ginia: r. 4,a5rT
''The cemetery keeper offered to act as our
guide, and, after showing us the fort and its
adjacent rife-pits he escorted US to q large
Held on the northwest side of the fort, and
there most terrible scene presented itself.
Thousands Of Confederate soldiers who lad
fallen in their desperate and persistent at
tempt to take Fort Harrison, were buried by
the Confederates where they fell. Twenty
acres or more have just been plowed up by
the owner Of the field, and the plowshare
turned to the surface all these skeletons.
Over the whole tract the bones are strewn in
profusion, and grinning skulls stare the yisi-
tors in the face on every hand. ~
"When the farmer was questioned. he
said the land was now the richest piece he
had, and in justification Of his sacrilegious
act, stated that he didn't put 'em there, no.
how We Iaarnad a a. orrra. u II 4 -