The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1869-03-04
WILKINS on vELoOEPEDEs.
"But wilkins. T."

"ISut Wilkins, Il
81 tell you, Mrs wilkins, I'm not 60
ing to have it; you may as we'll make up
your mind to that at once. No woman
shall ever 60 prancing around. this COM
munity on velocipede while she's wife
of mine ifeI can help it, so you can just
take that old pair of wheels you brought
home and gladden. the heart of some kind
ling wood man with them, for ride On them
you don't; if you do I'm a Dutchman
therUt"
Mr. Wllki"s you know L"
mo don't know anyts,;nc, or tho Lind
Do you think I'm going to let sucu G Ionk-
ing woman as you dress up in BIoomers
and mount a high hat and 90 around try
ing to show off utat figure"
''AIr Wilkins %
$50 struggling around the thorough
fares of this town, looking like an old beer
cask propped up on two legs, and showing
those ankles which are SO thick that you
couldn't get one Of them through the equa-
tor
"Wilkins, III scratch"
"Well, should think not. And be-
sides, don't know whereabouts on this
terrestrial globe you expect to get any
wheels strong enough TO bear you. You'd
smash pair OF cast iron car wheels into
smithereens the minute yon sat down on
them, you would The best thing you
can do is to walk, and ON the ground, too,
where the crust Of the earth isn't thin or
else sit in front of fire and melt down
your avoirduPois.'
"Mr Wilkins, yUu'cc perfectly scanda-
lOus''
"But I'm not going to put up with it.
l don't intend TO have you Topping around
town on velocipede, and very likely fall
! ing of and breaking your bones, and then
have a lot of doctors coming to nay house
and making post na0'tena examinations,
and saving you up, and discovering things
with hard Latin names in your lungs and
your liver, and your physique generally.
| Well, should think not It's bad enough
to have to submit TO you now, without
having your gore split around over the
carpet, and parcel of sawbones BIAS
pheminG at your anatomy. L"
"Wilkins, amt you ashamed to talk
so %
81 want you to understand that if you
ride that velocipede I'll sue for divorce
don't believe in woman exercising her
muscles on any such contrivance. You'd
good deal better get scrubbing brush,
and 20 down and tackle the front door
steps with some sand and a chunk of
! soap. That's the kind of exercise you
want, in my opinion
e'AIr. Wilkins, if you'll only listen"
''Or else practice carrying a coal-scut-
/ tie up and down stairs every five minutes
/ all day. Bet for the mother of family
and habby old girl of your years under
taking to ride q yelocipede, why its SIM
/ ply ridiculous"
''Mr. Wilkins, I"
/ e.The next thing I know, I suppose
/ you will be parading yourself in the pa
/ pers as Madame wilkins, the Champion
! Female Velocipedst,' and running mile
| heats on the Nicholson pavement for hun
dred dollar purses, best two out of three.
/ A beautiful spectacle wont it be And
then suppose you'll want me to bet on
you and back you mp; bot not one cent of
my cash do you get Not one single soli>
tary red Do you suppose I'm going to
throw away my hard earned money on
such a fanatic AS you? Well, l should
think not. l wouldn't put up dollar on
you if l was worth untold billions. I'm
proud of you; want you TO distinctly un-
derstand that"
s'NIr. Wilkins that's all nonsense.
s'And pretty example you are setting
to your children. Here only yesterday
Holofernes Montgomery made veloci
nede out of two flower barrel lids, and
A fria
to mount it it broke down and bit Mary
Jane on the leg and lamed her for life,
while Holofernes Montgomery fell over on
the cat, which yowled and spitted around
and scratched Holofernes Montgomery
over the frontispiece, so that his beauty
is entirely destroyed, and he looks more
like you than ever. | say it's perfectly
outrageous, and I'm not going to stand it.
"Mr, wilkins o, if you listen I'll
tell you something"
.sOh! / don't want 10 hear IT. Well
discontinue the conversation. Pm tired
of hearing you cackIc'
"Wen, that velocipede that came
home
ssNever mind, now. I want to go to
sleep. just give your tongue chance to
rest, will you"
"Was'nt for you I heard you say
you wanted one, and so | bought 1t OF the
market money saved. But you treat me
like such brute, that I-I-l-
s.For me did you say, Sarah ? Well
then never mind now. Don't cry, Sa-
rah, say? Never mind won't do 1t
aoain. Sarah Sarah Don't cry, Sa-
srahi Oh well, cry then, cry who
cares? You're the most aggravatlng wo-
man that ever lived. I'll get on veloci-
pede tomorrow morning and abandon you
as sure as my name is Wilkins. If don't,
hang me-