Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-03-02
Humorous.

A smart thlng-a mustard plaster
The best drawing lesson-Drawng salary.
How to manage MISUNDERSTANDING them.
Pointed Architecture-The Cathedral of
spires
High mason--A bricklayer on FIVE story
building.
Can good cooper be said to be staver at
his business
Whipping, like writing, is always heavy on
the down strokes.
''All matter of FORM" The prevailing ex-
travagance of women.
jewelers. like women, are proud of their
charms, y and generally display them to best
advantage.
A young lady kept a list of her gentlemen
acquaintance in pocket diary and called it
her him book.
4 critic calls the verses and sentimental sto-
ries of young writer's the teeth-cutting and
measles of literary infancy.
Teacher-"Gerty you were very good little
girl to day. Gerty-"Yes ma am, couldn't
help being COED; | had stiff neck.
A local poet indited a sonnet to his mistress,
entitled, Il kissed her sub rosa" The compos-
itor knew better than that. and set it up in
printers latin, Il kissed her snub nosa. -
1t is now generally concluded, by the learned
Swans, that the reason assigned by sparrow,
of bow and arrow fame, for killing his victim,
was that he was "a Robin.
A richly>dressed lady, stopping boy trudgA
ing along with basket, asked, My little
boy, have you got religion p ''No man, said
the innocent, I've got potatoes"
Jerome, Jerome!'' screamed Mrs. Jones
to her biggest boy, what is it you are throw
ing at those pigeons?'' ''Gold beads, ma, an
the daEned fools are eain' EN-. [ spec they
think its corn.
Foote once asked man without sense of
tune or music in him, why are you forever
humming that tuner Because it haunts me,
was the reply. mo wonder" said Foote !;
YOU are continually numbering it.
PLEASE accept a lock of my hair" said an
old bachelor to widow, handing her large
curl. Sir, you had better give me the whole
wig. Madam you are very biting, indeed,
considering that your teeth are porcelain
A crazy man, having got into the gallery Of
the Senate of the United States during ramb-
ling debate, was taken out the Sergeant at
Arms telling him that he was 'out of place in
that gallery That's so, !" said the lunatc
II ought to be on the floor with the Senators -
Old Captain Coon (of Western steam boat
notoriety) was setting one night on the capstan,
keeping sharp look out ahead, when, lulled
by the driving machinery, he went fast asleep,
which was no sooner perceived than one of the
hands gave him turn round facing the
boiler fires, and then stuck pin in him. On
opening his eyes he gave one jump and shout
ed: Back her stop her! here's big steam.
boat right into US. -
At Goose Bay, Oregon, there are only two
manageable girls, and these being run after BY
ali the young men Of the district, value them
selves accordingly. Halfa dozen Oregonian
youths sit on the veraudah in front of their res
pective houses during the whole of Sunday
while each lady looks at her followers through
the half-opened window. The lovers all the
while are whiting bits of white pine, which is
an easy wood TO work, and valued for that pur-
pose. at dark they move home, but the dam.
sells find these visits profitable, for there is gen
orally left behind pie Of shavings big enough
to hight fires Tor the rest of the week.
How Much, MARM?-A clerk in dry goods
store retired one night. having for his bed fel
low an acquaintance dating back to school DAYS
Our informant slept in the next room adjoining
the door OF which was partly open. In the
middle OF the night he says he was awakened
from sleep by hearing the clerk in loud voice
exclaim: How many yards did you say yor
wanted, marm?'' Three yards enough ?'' anc
the next thing heard tearing noise, and the
bed fellow OF the clerk shouted out, ''Whal
are you doing you have torn my shirt from
top to bottom" The poor dreamer imagined
himself in his store waiting on lady customer
who wanted three yards of calico. The shouts
Of merriment which the event created can vel
be imagined.