The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1869-05-06
Sprins and RiIes.

Spring and BiIes.
Spring came this year as much as usual.
Hail butuous virgin. 5,00Oye old and
upwards, hale and harty old gal, tew York
State and parts adjacent!
. Now the birds jaw, now the cattle hol-
Ter, now the pigs skream, nov the geese
MARBLE, now the kats sigh. and natur is
frisky; the earnest pismire, the virtuous
bedbug, and the nobby cockroch, are
singing Yankee Doodle and Coming
thru the Rhi. y Now may be. seen the
musketeer, that gray outlined critter ov
destiny solitary and alone, examining
his last year S pill, and now may be heard
with the nakedear, the shanghigh, bawl-
ing in the barn-yard.
Kittens in the doorway, puppys on the
green, neighbor chats with neighbor. and
the languid urchin creeps listless to school
These things are all fust rate in their
place, but Spring brings pesky biles, and
plants them carelessly, sometimes among
the maiden's charms, and sometimes
among the young mems [ kan tork like
a brochure poet about biles just now, for
[ haye one in full bloom growing onto
me, almost ready totpick, az big az an
egg plant. and as full of anguish az a
broken heart.
Blles are the sorest things ov their size
on record, and as kross tew the THOUGH
az setting hen, or dog with fresh
bone. Blles always pick out the hardest
place on your boldly tew build their nest,
and If you undertake to brake them up,
1t only makes them mad and takes them
longer to hatch out. There amt no
sutch thing az coaxing nor driving them
away. They are like an impudent bed.
bug; they wont move till they have got
their fill.
Biles are az old az religion. Job, the
profit, wuz the fust champion ov biles,
and he Is certainly reported tew have
had more biles, and more pashunce, to
the square inch. than emmy one, two every
good things to be found in emmy man.
Baes and pashunce! shood az soon
think ov mixing courtship and muskeet-
ers together for luxury.
hav got a great deal more faith than
hav pashance, but [ hahn got enough
in biles. wouldn't trust bile even on
one ov my boots.
| think faith is better article than
pashunce. Faith sometimes liz an evil
dence of branes, and pashunte quite often
is only mum bness, but don't think in
these smooth shod times, it liz best to
hav too mulch capital invested IN either
ov them.
But am out ov the road. I must git
back onto biies again.
liza teller begins tew wander, and git
out ov the straight and narrow path, it is
curious how very quickly he will begin to
go the. Biles are very sassy; sum
times when yer got to set down they will
get between yer and the chair that is
one evidence of their i'll breeding, and |
had one once plant herself on the front
end of my nose, witch wuz most remark
able pecc ov bad manners, for there IL no
more. On mi noZe ennywhe9e for bile,
for when it IL ebb tide with my noze, it
couers half ov my face. Biles are sed
tew be healthy, and [ guess they am, for
[ hev seen some healthy old biles, az big
as a hornets nest, and az full of stings.
| always want to be healthy-I am willin
tn pay the highest market price for good
deal ov healthy, but if l had to hav 2
blles on me awl the time in order to be
healthy, L should think that [ was bull
ling the market.
There IL one more smart thing ABOUT
blles; they are like twins; they hardly
ever cum singy, and have known them
to throw double SKIES.
What ! twelve biles on one man at a
time This is wus than fighting humble
bees with your summer clothes on.
Biles are sed by the educated and cor
rect spoilers of the land, to be an opera
ton of nature teW get rid of something
wlch she wants to spare. This is so with
out doubt, but it don't strike me az being
very pertite thing in nature tew shuv
opn her blles onto other folks. [ say let
everybody take care OF their own biles
But say all We kan about biles, and call
them all the mean names surrent among
hshmungers. revile, persecute and spit on
them, groan, grin, and swear when they
visit yer, AIT them over the head, and set
on them II yer pleaze, there is time on
their career when they concentrate aul
the pathos Nv joy that man has on
hand to spare, and that is-when they
bust!
This is bliss, glory and revenge on the
half-shell. A man leans back in rektifed
comfort, az innocent and az Timber az a
mermaid. This pays for the fretful
nights and nervous days while the bile
has been Matching; thir shaws US what
1t is to grin and beas it-and shows what
it is to be billed, and wrung out and hung
up to dry. This is the calm after the
storm, the wedding day of pashunce and
joy; this is the christening of hope; the
mystic hen that lays two eggs day; it
Is butter on your sassages.
Exit biles. JOSH BILLINGS.