Weekly Trinity journal., 1869-05-08
Humorous.


Old maids are described as "embers from
which the sparks have fed"
Why are old maids the most charming Of peo
pie! Because they are matchess.
Man was the chief consideration at the crea
ton. Woman was q side issue
When lovers quarrel, the only presents made
on either side not returned are the kisses.
Mrs. MuiIles SAYS it is g DIRE full " hard % lose
husband. She never got used to it until she
lost her fourth. Practice makes perfect
The editor who kissed his sweetheart, saying
"please exchange" is believed not 10 have ex-
ceeded the proper T. liberties OF the press. ~
A Western editor says that in smoky Pitts.
bureh men kiss each others wives, and able
to tell VI hich IS their own only By The taste.
The height of modesty is that of young lady
who, desiring the leg OF a chicken at table, said
''I'll take the part that ought to be dressed in
drawers
Wbateve- made you marry that old woman ?''
said mother to her son. ''You're always tell
ing me to choose wife like my mother" was
the dutitul reply.
a lady in paroxysm of grief was said to have
shed torrents of tears. - Poor thing" remark ed
an unfeeng punster, " she must have had cat
aract IN each eye
A local poet indited a sonnet to his mistress,
entitled g kissed ber sub rosa The composi-
tor knew better than that, and set il up in prin-
ter Latin, al kissed her snub nose''
A girl, presenting herself for situation
where no Irish need apply in answer to the
question where she came from said Sure
couldn ye persave by ne accint that i; 5 Frinch
! amp
I Not having heard from the debating societies
in relation TO the conundrum, Why do hens
always lay eggs in the day time ?'' a cotempo-
rary answers, because at night they are
| ROSTERS
1t was an incorrigi6le old bachelor who said
Though some very romantic maiden may ex-
claim, Give me a hut with the heart that love
most Of the sex vastly prefer palace with the
man they hate
john, said master to his apprentice, rs
he was about starting II short journey, YOU
must occupy my place while ! am absent .
Thank you, sir, demurely replied John, u d
rather sleep with the boys"
\ soap dealer recently distributed soap among
the members Of the massachusetts Legislature
and the Boston papers were astonished, next dav,
at = the clean aud fresh appearance Of many
Senators and Representatives.
Some slanderer has said the old folks go 10
! church to close their eyes. and the Young to eye
the clothes. We do not believe this is true, Of
the young ladies', at least They 20 for religious
|
A lady having accidentally broken her SMELL
! ing bottle, her husband, who was very uctu!ant
said to her. declare, my dear everything
that belongs to you more or less broken. 3"
- True, replied the lady, - even you are little
cracked T.
| - Bridget said the counsel to witness, who
had been brought from the House OF Correction
Wasn't you brought here on Il habeas cor
pus? p No indade, she Indignantly replied,
I'D have you know ! came here like daciut
woman, on the cars
Wake, lady, wake The moon is high, twinkIin'
stars are beamin', while now and then across
the sky, motors Streamin'! Wake, Sally
wake, and ook on me-awake, Squire Nubbin
daug hter Ii Iii have you, and you Il have me
-lby gosh who threw that water!
An observing individual in Il very healthy
village, seeing the sexton at work in hole IN
the ground, inquired what he was about
g Digging Il grave, Sir" Digging a grave
why thought people didnt often die here do
they = con no, Sir they never die but once"
young gentlemen, after having paid his ad-
dresses TO a young lady for some time, popped
the question. The lady, in a frightened man
ner, said, 60 You scare me, sir r The gentle
man did not wish to frighten the lady, and con-
sequeutly remained quiet for some time, when
she exclaimed, ''Scare me again"
"Betsy, so down and stir up the apple
butter" Betsy approached the huge kettle
containing the aforementioned article. ''Why,
marin, what is this ?' she asked fishing up a
black substance "Lor' for me if there "a Mt
that blister-llaster that cum d off my back. |
had sarched and sarched for that air -
One OF our eminent citizens "had company"
a few evenings siCce. when the euphony OF dif-
ierent languages, particularly the German, was
discussed. little ten -year-o!d bov .put in
! hu- -ly
''.lou talk Dutch, George. Let me hear YOU. -
The household hopeful promptly gave a taste of
! his lngual quality as follows: "Who's mir
here since lse pin gomez
| bashful youth was paying his addresses TO
a gay lass OF the country, who had long des
pared OF bringing things 10 a crisis He called
one day when se|was at home alone. After
setting the merits OF the weather, the girl said
looking slyly into his face: II dreamed of Won
last night Ibid you, now wby now 9~
Yes, dreamed that You kissed me- .Wby
now What did you dyeam your mother said?
Oh, dreamed that she was not at home -
! light dawned on the youth intellect a singular
sound broke the stillness. and in less than tour
months they were married
| The following efuson said to be the resuIt of
a poetical "agoncy" by i Georgian soldier who
sent young lady bokay," while in camD
near her home, is emnently satisfactory. so far
as il goes to prove that none but the brave DO
serve the fair and We hope is-tad the desired
elect. Here It is:
"AceeF' this bpkay from a feller
Who cit has heard the kannon, beIIer.
Has li-;n to the ife- a fnoten
Ahd heIpii 10 10 heap Of sho,tsn
iie has seen the war clouds dark ari,s
Ike dty Aatzaris when they files
/ VINO Is bigger than his lad
AMI wants to marry mighty bad"
love-sick swain on country farm oe.-
studying the g Poetry of the Heart sent tho
following to his lady love, in order to ascertain
her sentiments:
If you was dog,
| And a hog
\ rootin away IN the yard;
| II the Old man should saw
| % Drive that hog away -
! Would you worry bite very hard,
he considered it all righ; when he received
the following melting efrusion:
| II were potato
| And wanted a mate. o.
| Wanted q nate-O 50 bardf
| should lie much pleased
| To have You deceased
| 'Tvonld be 50 sweet 10 be fried in rou- i,,5
|