The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1869-10-14
JOSH BILLINGS PAPERs.
TIE DISTRICT sKooLMAsrFR.

TIE DISTRICT SKOOLMASTFR.
Thare IL one man in this basement |
world that alwus look upon with mixt |
pheelings ov pity and respekt.
Pity and respett, az a general mixtur,
don't mix well.
You will find them both travelling
around amungst folks, but not often grow
ing on the same bush.
Wien they do hug each other, they
mean sumthiug.
Pity, without respekt, hain't got more
oats in it than disgust haz.
had rather man would hit me on
the side ov the he'd than tew pity me.
But thare IL one man in this world to
whom alwus take oph nj hat, and re-
main uncovered until he gifts safely by,
and that IL the distrikt skoolmaster
When l meet him, look upon him az
martyr just returning from the stake, or
on hiz way thare tew be cooked.
He leads more lonesum and single life
than an old bachelor, and more anxious
one than an old maid.
He z remembered iist about az long
and affektionately az glide board IL by
travelling pack pedlar.
If he undertakes to make hiz skollaFs
luv him, the chances are he will neglekt
their farming and if he don't lick them
now and then pretty often, they will soon
lick him.
The distrikt skoolmaster hain't got a
friend on the fat side ov earth. The boys
SNOWFALL him during reces; the girls put
! l., l,o, = III 81,
mittee make him work for haff the money
bartender gifts, and board him around
the naborhood, WHARF they Civ him rhy
coffee sweetened with molassis, tew drink,
and kodfish bawls times a day for vittles.
And, with all this abuse, never heard
ov distrikt skoolmaster swareing emmy
thing louder than Coadem IT,
Don't talk tew me about the pashunce
ov anshunt job. Job had pretty plenty
ov biIes all over him, no doubt, but they
were all ov one breed.
Every yung one in distrikt skool IL a
bile ov ditIrent breed, and each one needs
a diffrent kind ov poultiss tew git good
head on them.
A distrikt skoolmaster, who duz a
square job and takes hiz kodfsh bawls
reverently, IL better man to day tew hav
lieing around loose than Solomon would
be arrayed in all ov hiz glory.
Solomon waz better at writing proverbs
and managing a large family, than he
would be tew navigate a distrikt skool
hous.
Emmy man who haz kept distrikt skool
for ten years, and boarded around the ma
borhood, ought tew be made mager
| gineral, and hav a penshun for the rest ov
hiz natral days, and boss and waggin
tew do hiz going around in.
But az genrai consequence, distrikt
skoolmaster hain't got any more warm
friends than an old blind fox houn haz.
He IL list about az welkum az Il tax
gatherer IL.
He IL respekted a good deal az a man
il whom we owe debt ov so dollars 10
and don't mean tew pay.
He goes through life on a back road,
az poor az a wood sled, and finally IL
missed--but what ever bekums ov hiz re-
mains, kant tell.
Fortunately he il not often a sensitive
man; if he waz, he couldn't emmy more
| keep a distrikt skool than he could file a
cross kut saw.
Viii IL it that theze men and wimmen,
who pashuntly and with crazed brain
teach our remOrseless brats the tcjus
meaning Ov the alphabet, who take the
fust welding heat on their destinys, who
lay the stepping stones and enkurrage them
tew mount upwards, who hav dun more
hard and mean work than any klass on the
futstool, who hav prayed over the repro
bate, strengthened the timid, restrained
the outrageous, and fattered the imbecile,
who hav lived on kodfsh and vile coffee,
and hain't been heard to sware-whi il
it that they are treated like vagrant fid-
dler, danced TO for night, paid oph in the
morning and eagerly forgotten.
had rather burn coal pit, or keep the
fiys out ov butchers shop in the month
of August, than meddle with the distrikt
skoul Dizziness.