The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1869-05-28
Literal Answers,

Literal Answers.
a LECTURER in Portland, Maine, or
somewhere else, was explaining to
little girl how lobster cast his shell
when he had outgrown it. Said he,
"What do you do when you have out
grown your clothes? You cast them
aside, do you not ?"
ooh, no." replied the little one, two
let out the tucks."
Again, Il teacher explaining to little
girl the meaning of the word cuticle:
"What is that all over my face and
hands 2" said he.
"It's freckles, SIR" answered the lit
tie cherub.
An answer of similar character is
often the result of hard word.
William" said a mother to her son,
who had already eaten very consider
able amount of dinner, 81 don't know
whether you can eat this pudding with
impunity."
"Well may be not" said William; 81
think would rather have spoon"
A lady noticed boy sprinkling salt
on the sidewalk to take off the ice, and
remarked to friend pointing to the
salt:
"Now that's true benevolence."
mo it amt" said the boy, somewhat
indignant, "it's salt"
So when lady asked her servant girl
if tho hiroI man boJ oloo vol off tho
snow with alacrity, she replied:
"No mann, he used shovel.
The same literal turn of mind which
we have been illustrating is sometimes
used Intentionally and perhaps II little
maliciously, and thus becomes the prop
erty of wit instead of blunders. Thus
we hear Of q very polite and impressive
gentleman who said to a youth in the
street
"Boy may inquire where tobinson's
drug store is?"
"Certainly, sir" said the boy. very
respectfully.
"Well, sir" said the gentleman, after
waiting awhile, "where is it?"
81 have not the least idea, yer honor"
said the urchin.
There was another boy who was ac-
costed by an ascctic middle aged lady
with,
"Boy, want to go to DovOr street."
swell, ma'm," said the boy, "why
don't you go there then ?"
One day on Lake George party of
gentlemen strolling among the beauti.
full islands of the lake with bad luck,
espied little fellow with red shirt
and old straw hat dangling a line over
the side of a boat.
"IIello, boy" said one of them "what
are you doing"
"Fishing," came the answer.
"Well, of course" said the gentle
man, "but what do you catch ?"
"Fish, you fool, what do you 'spose?'
"Did any of you ever see an ele.
phant's skin," inquired a teacher of an
infant class.
81 have" exclaimed one.
"Where ?" asked the teacher.
"On the elephant" said the boy
laughing.
Sometimes this sort Of wit degener.
ates or rises, as the case may be, into
punning, as when Flora pointed pen
sively to the heavy masses Of clouds in
the sky, saying:
~ wonder where those clouds are go
ing ?" and her brother replied,
81 think they are going to thunder
Also in the following dialogue:
"IIello, there! how do you sell youl
wOod?n
''By the cord"
"How long has it been cut?"
"Four feet"
81 mean how long has it been since
you cut it,"
mo longer than it is now."
And also, as when Patrick O'Flynr
was seen with his collar and bosom sad
ly begrlmed and was Indignantly ask
ed by his officer.
patrick O'Flynn; how long do yot
wear II shirt!'
Twenty eight inches, SIR"
This reminds me of an incident whicl
is said to have occurred recently inChat
ham street, New York, where II coun
tryman was clamorously besieged by
shopkeeper.
"IIave you any fine shirts ?" said tn
countryman.
"A splendid assortment. Step in, sir
Every price and every style. Th
cheapest in the market, sir"
: "Are they clean?"
"To be sure, SIR"
"Then," said the countryman, wit
great gravity, "you had better put on
on, for you need it,"
Wit is said to excite an agreeable SUI
prise. l fear the surprise here was nc
agreeable to one of the parties, but
n was wit nevertheless.
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