Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-08-13
Poetry.



Some ladies use paint as iddlers do rosin
TO aid them in drawing beau, -. 81, s.
Ladies wear corsets from instinct-a nat
ural love for being squeezed. T. =, g ~.s5 I.
An old bachelor has to look out for num-
Der one, the married man for number two.
Bob, 2 said a facetlons farmer to his son,
1--WE had a pretty hard days work yesterday; /.
now let's have game Of chopping wood
It is a great waste Of raw materials, to put
five dollars worth Of beaver on ten cents
worth of brains a1s'- sf9j! 's..a.' es@
A booty fellow was observed the other
day. driving porker," holding on to his tail, :.
and when asked what he was doing, replied
that he was Studying ge-hog ra-phy. y
A doctor detained in court as witness,
complained to the Judge, that if he was kept
from his patients they might recover in his
absence. : ~ eG4-e~s @z%
A Minister at a camp meeting said: of
lady with the blue hat red hair and cross
eyes, don't stop talking she will be pointed
out to the congregation. asbFa al
Why are young ladies at breaking up ola
party, like arrows Because they can't go of
without beau, and are in a culver until
they get one. -
''That's very singular" said a young lady
to a gentleman who had just kissed her
s'Oh, we'll, my dear miss, L will soon make,
it plural !" and the villain did. 81 sA' 4A-ss
A chap being asked to explain the para
dox of how it was possible for lazy man
to attain SO much education answered: 81
didn't attain; Just heard here and
--there-and was too lazy to forget" 49, +
William asked old percent what
he wanted to accumulate so much money
for? Says he ''You can't take it with you
when you die. and if you could it would
melt" .5..t......-e .ss .ss
Nanny said precocious little boy,
who against his will, was made to rock the
cradle of his baby brother, ''if the Lord has
any more babies to give away, don't you
take EN-"
A boy who heard the quotation "a lit
tie learning is dangerous thing" wished to
stop going to school because he was afraid
he should not live long enough to get past
the dangerous point. ..--.
A gentleman rode up to public house in
the country and asked, "Who is the master
Of this house ?" II am sir" replied the land
lord !; 'my wife has been dead about three
weeks" .g
'Jim,' said one youngster to another on
kbo
yer? | got up SO early that spent all my
money before breakfast. I didn't think the
day was going to be so long. 5a-
I wish you had been Eve said an urchin
to stingy old aunt proverbial for her mean
ness. Why SO? Because said he, you
would have eaten all the apple, instead of
dividing it with Adam. - 4 "a
A gentleman who takes common sense
views Of things, being recently asked for his
opinion of a poetic individual, replied, "Oh,
he is one of these men who have soarings af-
ter the infinite, and divings after the unfath-
enable, but who never pay cash. p So.
Too Mucn.-The friends of wit express
ed some surprise that, with his age and fond
ness for the bottle, he should have thought
it worth while to marry GA wife was nee
essary," said he. "They began to say of
me that drank too much for a single man .
IRIS PROPER NAME.-A traveller in Penn
sylvania asked the landlord if they had any
cases Of sunstroke in that town. .'No, sir p
said the landlord eff a man gets drunk
here, we say he is drunk, and never call it
by any other name" r
A French child asked the priest the other
day, why is it, father that we ask every.
day for oar daily bread, instead of asking
our bread for week, month, or the whole
yearT' why. you little goose, to have it
fresh, to be sure was the reply
A cowardiy fellow having kicked news
boy for Fostering him to buy an evening pa
per, the lad waited till another boy aeoosted
the gentleman, and then shouted in the
hearing of all bystanders. .sIt's no use to
try him, Sim; he can't read"
In the town Of s., there was shoema-
ker who at the time oficiated as preacher
He always wrote-the notices himself, in Or
der to save the expenses of printing Here
is one of them. ''Thcre will be preaching
in the Pines this Sunday afternoon on the
subject, All who do not believe will be
damned at o'clock"
EVIDENCES OF FoLLY.-Asking the pub
Usher Of new periodical how many copies
he sells per week.
Making yourself disagrceable, and then
wondering that no one will visit you. :
Getting drunk and complaining next day
of headache.
Judging peoples pisty by their attend
apec at church
Neglectipg to advertise, and wondering
that you don't succeed in business.
Refusing to take newspaper, and being
surprised that the people laugh at your igno-
rance. ...--..r.
At a late meeting of the Presbytery,
when the subject of Scripture was under
discussion, Brother-sad, early in his min
istry, he and another brother were conducting
meeting in which there was much religious
interest. An old man gave expression to
his joy by shouting, and continued it until it
began to interrupt the services. Brother H
said to Brother W. Go stop that
old mans noise" He went to him and
spoke few words. and the shouting man
at once became quiet "Brother Ell -"
asked Brother W, what did you say
to the old man that Quoted him SO prompt
iy?" II asked him" said Brother II,
for Il dollar for foreign missions"
Nor MARR1ED.-In one of the courts. a
few days since, a very nrettu Young LADY,