Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1869-09-30

Introduction,
ion, E:;u
,.nMAn MANSION; DIuo with me ncx
Thursday, ut six r. NJ, precisely. You mas
come, Monkhouse is to be there, and two
others. and VIC want you to DO on hand tc
vut the said NJ under nn cNtinguisher. lie
tells such awful .romances that, he, must ht
suppressed, and you nro the ,nansto do it.
"lours, truly
II. SIMMONS"
No. ;, to Frederick Simmons, Esq:
DEAR FRED: don't know why you So
lcct mo, never had q gift at telling Grams,
,srcciollv AGAINST such n superior artist III
th,t limo as Monkhousc. However, will
como and do what occurs to me on the spul
OF thc moment. ...---x .... (
"Yours, truly; = !
&c MARsreN."
Tho rest of tho story Mr.. Monkhoust
shall tell himself
..nme and dino with me. next Thurs
,iuy Bachelors dinner, six precisely, an1
moan 1t; SO don't come dropping mat half
r,st" This was what Fred Simmons said
to me.
What said to Frod was, ''rhonks' J
belicvo WILL
always dine with Frod when he asks mo.
First, because be was my classmate in col.
l,ge, and roomed in tho same entry with
mo, Fred tholl was poor, md l<was not,
Nov Fred ia not, and am. He used to
,l,:,o with mo then: now dine with Linn.
figured up the account between Us the 9th
or day, and mako Il that Fred stills owes
mo twenty-eight dinners and seventeen
tons. The teas were coffee and cakes, yot,
know, at Marin I1avena, in School street,
before walking out on Saturday nights
Aud thon interest, during twenty years. 1t
only makes Fseds conduct - nq'e I'M
KSason Number Two !s, that Fred gives
rood dinners-perhaps better than I used
to yivc him. But then, in those days, ont
appctitos were better. especially after THO
long walk over williams river bridge, FROM
Y:uohaven to Botolphsville. At least, Fredl
Wa 1Ie boarded In commons then, and
college commons vere-well opt TO induce
q djsrecnriroi, expense: when We dineh III
the CITY on Saturdays. Nov my pppatite
Is tho better 81 che two, y board AZ Mts
McSkinner's, and dine down town IN Maid.
en- lane or thefeAbouts. have no more
money than before tho var, but dinners ore
twice AS dear.
Reason Three r., that meet queer peo-
pie at Fred'A 0h0kY ho dine there aey
the methfne, % DIT I tnCw Ia Not
prejudice on my park Il was only month
a,,o, after dining with Fred, when there was
but ors guest bosides myseh-a man who
Wits for the heard s;a OF ns SAY S@Sj
waited moro eocentricities In his kitchen
garden than any other man IN -. VIII
il 10 for mo 10 tell tha sitYis naue1 NA I
think not; veil say, Ii chicago AhmAc-
cnsis." Thought II was candid in tho fol-
low to say 30, for Qneaae1 Ash than he was
Inever mot
Ono thing do not fancy about Fred
lie lets men tell such extrayegant stories.'
l supposeShe thinks them brilliant and all
that but never could sec tho Wit or the
humor. Fiction Is my abomination. :
would not send this paper to any magazine
in which all tho stories were not strictly
true. I don't mean: ..'1aupdedl on act"-a
compromised title which always reminds
me OF Mrs. MoSkinne1's coffee-but oil fact,
as am assured by the Editor AL the stories
in N.is periodical ala
lhnte lying. Whom Z uas fa' lRtlo boy l
onoo was guilty Of 8 tliAing inaccuracy Of
ststement-l now think, unintendonally.
I was in consequence shut up In 3 dark
closet for . whole week, until bad read
tilrough-and In fact learns Ry heasseI- :
Amelia Opies Illustrations Of Lying: a
book which in my youth wns deemed clio,
acious tor reforming juvenile Anan a and
Sapphira The hoss0s 4 Pat e4pettemce
has always dnee kept nefsuah theleAst de!
Walton.
Bus to return to my story. read the
other day IN newspaper, Truth Is stzan-
ger than fiction" The man Who wrote that
Truth 81 lii @nei 3sSis h'ke 8aass,t
stranger possible. e's ssss
vent to Fred's last Thursday. Ofcourse
did not dine down town that dry. And
was not late.
There were SIX of US at table-four 9TH
crs, Fred andnae; Twas q good dinner.
But there was too much talking. And too;
much SPACE between the toursea- The
time might have been filled up better, and!
where thoro are these delays men will drink;
moro vino than they otherwise would. The
consequence is, they tell too long and tool
marvellous stories.
fred calls this the "Feast of Reason,
etc" 10 should be ashamed Of sucheA trite.
and absurd quotation, lf he hoanled at
Mm Mcskinner's and diuod at Fulton Mar
ket, he would know better than to talk
whom he should, bo eating.
One OF the four guests Il don't consider
mys,lf gidstat Fred's but lomi dc Ia 'ra;-
son-at least used to beg was IN 1rishman
an Irish gentleman, F5ed called him. To
;ny taste, geastlenaes shtodid. be 1eas prosy.
lie was full of his stories-1c6ull NOT walt
for dinner to be donej and ltha proper time
for story-tellinatn such thing must be,
to come. was Just getting re0dy-it was
after the soup TO mention little adven.
turo Of mine nt Naples in the crater of
Vcsuvius, in fact-because really thought
it might interest the company. Fred may
have heard it before, but they hed not, and
it wos suggested vert poatly ~ the ,vermi-j
COLI. Fred cut in upon mo by asking that;
provoking Pat4mder. TINT fe1ocious Fem
ian, fhe' had teen IMqcb cheated by the
h;,ck,nen in this country:
Nothing to speak Of" said he, after
Dublin. I was seasoned there. You Cunt
satisfy, Dublin car-drivcr. We tried it
onco when was In Her Mnjesty's service
-Twonty-sixth, limo regiment. bet was
made at mess on the subject, and Arthur
Ponsonby took it in ponies If the man
asked for more, he WIS to lose. Pom call
oil q car to talso couple OF US to the the
;ltcr- tho mnlsc1 OF tho hot, and myself as
umpire. Tho thcator was only O square
off Whom we nlighted no pnlled out o
sovereign and tossed il to tho driver, say
ing, 'Ilerc, Mickey. that will do you for
our bit of u drive, won't it, Pom meant to
nuke it sure thing, buth had ov6rdono
it. Mickey looked ct the coin moment TO
SEQ if it was good, then at the faces Of Us
watching, and he seemed 10 hove on In
atinct of what was up, for he pulled re-
gular blnrney face and begun: All, yer
inlor, captain, sure ita O purity piece, and
'ouldn't il BIO shame IN mo to break il
drnkin' yer 'onor's health? Couldn$ yc
spare me the small siyponoe to the back Of
it, Pom paid tho bet, but he never could
stand tho chatting he got in consequence. :"
They all laughed at this trumpery anec-
dotn, which I would soon have capped with
a far hotter ono, but just then the fish camc
on and l had to give my mind to the sal
mon; so lost my chance.
After fish was thinking OF q worry strik
ing f.ct which happened to me In 1celand.
and just running over the heads In my mind
1,otorc telling the story, when my vis-a-vis,
an ErHlsl,nan, struck In ahead Of mo. I
do not sly III English yfnilymon, for DO
Gx;stcncc the English aro nation of snobs,
always tlomincering and pushing out oftho
way better men. And no EnGlisllman, in
my experience, over tells story without
embroidery. II yon want to know what on
Enoljghuln Is, Just read Sir John Mandc-
villo'A travels,
"ponsonby Of tho Twcnty-six! Wasn't
he cousin to Merivalc of the Sixtceuth light
dr;b.uun1n
''Oh yes, but quito q different style OF
man, | assure you,
n d:trc say he is; only the namc somehow
rc'ni,r!cl nc of Meriyale. Il never taste
salmon; capital salmon this, A1r. Simmons.
] suppose 1t ~ GS easy to bring 1t from