The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1869-12-04
WIT AND WTSDnM


WIT AND WISDOM
VICE stings u, even in our pleasures but
virtue consoles u, even in our pains
= AM on the trail of a dear" as a gen
tleman said when he trod on lady's
I dress.
KNOWLEDGE is modest, cautious and
pure; ignorance, bOastful, conceited and
sure.
The heart seldom grows better by ace.
A young liar will generally make an old
one young knave only greater one.
MAKE good use Of time if thou lowest
eternity. Yesterday cannot be recalled, to-
morrow cannot be secured. To-day only il
thine, which, If once lost, Is lost forever
LET young woman take the degree of
A. B.-that is A Bride and she may at
bone, In due time;-he entitled to that
of A. NJ.
JOSH BILLINGS says q" will state for
the information Of those who haven't had
chance tew lay in their vermin wisdum az
freely az hav, that one single hornet, who
feels well, will brake up large camp
meeting.
a LONDON paper tells of two rival travel
ing dentists who arrived together at a fair
One hoisted a banner inscribed Facilc
Princeps; the other Immediately painted
up, On bis booth. "Facile Forceps," and
drew the crowd.
A LITTLE girl worn out by a long ser
mon, observing the preacher gathering him
self for the introduction of another point"
exclaimed, 4" Oh, mother, he is not going
to quit at all he is swelling up again
LOOK out there What are you kicking
my dog for n (" I'm kickin him cause he's
full Of fleas and don't want to get EN- on
my good clothes "Fleas the deuce !
Why, that dog sleeps with me-" " Yes,
hang you, | know it, and that's whar be
gets en-
a KNOWING traveller out West, who had
chartered half bed in crowded hotel, and
was determined to have the best hall, buckled
a spur on his heel efore turning in His
unfortunate sleeping partner bore the in
Fiction as long as he could, and at last roared
out " Say, stranger, ifyou're gentleman,
you ought to cut your toe nails"
"HANs, where were YOU born n "On
der Halderbarrac I" What, always I"
9 Yah, and before, too" elbow old are you,
then ?" q" vi, when the old school hous is
pilt was too weeks more nor a year, what
is painted red, as you 60 before NIT your
pehind YOU on des rite hant side de plack-
smith shop what STAINS we're il was purnt
down next year will 20 two weeks"
a GENTLEMAN was seated with other per
sons in room where country girl at bolt
upright, AMI utterly silent. Silence, in
deed, fell upon the entire party, and the
gentleman first alluded to said, in what he
supposed 10 be an almost inaudible tone of
voice Awful pause "Iguess, Mister"
exclaimed the indignant country lass, jump
ing up, you'd have awful paws, too, if
you had to do the scrubbing that does. "
Osrr CHrrsr1ASe-IBha Wsslex;.anee
was troubled in regard to the disposition of
tile various IT,, and the chances Of each
in reference 10 future happiness and punish
ment. a dream one night transported him
in its uncertain wanderings to the gates OF
hell:
" Are there any Roman Catholics there 2
asked thoughtfully Wesley.
Yes" was the reply.
"Any Presbyterians XII "
"Yes," again was the answer.
Any Congregationaliss?"
Yes"
8. Any Methodists z by the way Of Il
clincher, asked the pious Wesley.
Yes" to bis great Indignation was an
swered.
In the mystic ways Of bis dream sudden
transition, and lie stood before the gates of
heaven. Improving his opportunity, he
again inquired;
" Are there any Roman Catholics here =
NO" was replied.
" Any Presbytcrans HI
No"
ANY Congregationalist ri
No"
Any Methodists p
No"
"Well then, he asked, lost in wonder
who are they inside n
+" Christians 4" was the jubilant an
swer.