Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1869-01-15
VOL Kill NEW SERIES, VOL XIV.
OUR BABY.
A BACHELORS EXPERIENCE WITH IT


1t was very pretty baby-that is, for
baby. ! had no fault to find with it, as far
as its individual identity was concerned. If
babies must exist-and suppose there is
necessity for the thing, or else where would
all the grown people come from ?-this baby
was as well in Its way as any other baby.
| mention these facts, merely to prove that
am in no way prejudiced. As far as NOR
tai man can be, | am entirely an impartial
witness
1t was fast asleep in its eradle-a little
white headed doll, with long dark eyelashes,
and a crimson dot of mouth, against which
lay its tiny fist. with FIVE well-de6ned dim
pies in the FIVE Joints thereof. 1t was fast
asleep, | say, when Bertha came airily into
the room.
- am going over to the depot to see moth
er of. Joseph III be back IN half an hour.
Just keep an eye to the baby, while am
gone, will you?'
looked blankly at my sister. But while
was considering how best to express my to-
tai dissent from her audacious proposition,
she tripped out Of the room, her ribbons ilut-
tering IN the soft spring air.
Silence doesn't always give consent. but
Bertha had taken it for granted, in this mat
ter, and was left an unwilling guardian, OF
my little nephew.
However, he was fast asleep; that was one
/ circumstance in my favor. Mortal baby
/ couldn't present a more innocent and cherub-
/ ic aspect than he did. So | calmly went on
/ with nay writing. soon becoming oblivious TO
/ his iniantile presence.
. Talk about tending babies quOth to
myself, dipping my goose-quill triamphantly
/ into the INK, - why it's the easiest business
/ in life. | should never spend my money hir
ing nurses, if that little one was mine; but
women never do know how to economic prop
( erly."
As these fancies passed through my mind,
the baby woke up and sneezed.
gave the cradle an oscilatory kick, and
then burst forth into the well-known burden
/ of 81 BYE baby bunting but the little vii
lain absolutely declined to shut his eyes again
like a sensible baby. lie opened them wider
than two miniature moons, stared at me with
an air Of maleyolence that made me a firm
believer in human deprayity ever since, and
deliberately began to cry And the harder
:ocked the cradle and the louder sang, the
more resolute did that baby cry.
:. He's hungry" thought | to myself.
hensiblc of Bertha to stay away 50 long"
So went down into the pantry and insti-
tuted a search for some milk which had a
vague idea was the diet generally preferred
by toothless infancy. But milk there was
none Lamp oil, Stewards syrup. kerosene,
brandy everything but milk was there; ev-
erv known OF conceivable fluid, in aggrayat-
ing profusion, but not drop of milk.
81 }. Ita .
nephew but slightly softened by distance,
followed me about like q Nemesis.
rushed frantically up stairs, armed with
lump Of sugar, the first soothing expcdient
that suggested itself to me.
Bless its dear little heart, there con-
found your racket amt YOU keep still =?
Take its sugar from its own. own uncle, that :
a little golden boy"
But the golden boy rcs1lutely rejected the
sugar. screaming louder than ever as if its
lungs were forty baby power. and warranted
never o tire OIt. 1t kicked and struggled,
it paved the air, it got purple in the face.
Ashes of King iierod and all the Egyptians
what was man to do2
In vain executed @ war dance around Its
cradle; in vain rang the dinner bell, and
iiugled the china ornaments, and waved the
feather duster. and swung NY gold repeater,
and bawled nursery ballads at the top pof my
lungs Talk about Perseverance. Robert
Bruce's spider was nothing % that atrociou-
little lump of mortality.
There nothing for it but to capitulatc, >
q said to myself, as | iammed my hat on my
head, viciously thrust my arm into my over
coat, and seized the baby out of the cradle.
Leave it absolutely alone dare not. and
: - d.
= able lay full three blocks of
Thus in a sort Of stony despair | issued
forth from the house, carrying my prosecutor
like a bunile under one arm.
thought he would stop crying when he
got into the open air, but not he oxygen
only seemed to increase the shrill power of
his yillnous llittle pipes: people turnedi to
stare at me. as if were an escaped lunatic
or an abductor of infant innocence. Women
looked Indignantly at the baby.
Blue worsted socks and little pink legs
kicked blindly from beneath my arms Chill
dren ran after me, dogs barked. but | kept
doggedly on my way, walking into the groce-
~ with a resolution second only to that Of
the Roman fellow whojumped intoa crater,
nobody knows how many years ago.
80 4 pint Of milk if you please.
milk, sir? have you brought anything to
put itin ?"
thought Of my tobacco box, my pocket
handkerchief, the cornerof my hat. all of the
impracticable places for the deposit Of the
acteal fluid.
Sc. never thought of that" | said, right
ing the baby, who came head uprermost with
a very crimson countenance, and eyes looking
defantly into mine: eyes that said as if they
l.. J. sv,s | !
stop CRYING I'll die first -
The storekeeper looked on sYmpathetically
Il could sell You a nice little pitcher, slr,
if
sThe very idea, interrupted. " \ pitch
er of milk. and please take the change out Of
this portem nnaie for if had three pair of
hands couldn't more than hold this kicking
little demon with EN- -
Well. sir" said the storekeeper, " he
does seem rare 'un for usin' his legs, let
alone his lungs. Y es, sir. thank'ee, sir -
Now. | have always laid it up as a grudge
against human nature that that unprincipled
grocerv-man took FIVE dollar bill out of my
portmonnaie, knowing that | should not dis
) cover it, until it was too late TO rectiiy the
; error
Il wouldn't have treated a Turk so y
/ took my pitcher Of mix with my right
t hand. still balancing the baby skillfully again
J st my left arm and side, and started for home.
-. Now. III settle your business. my fine
] young friend, " | thought " Is it possible
that was ever such an incorrigbe nuisance
as this ?''
, But my triumph was speedily reduced to
: the lowest pitch Of humiliation.
, '' Dear me, Mr.. Beverley, is it possible
= that is you?'
! 1t was Kate Milton S self, radiant in spring
e bonnet, lilac silk walking dress, close-fringed
parasol, and the daintiest of lilac kid gloves.
] Kate Milton, with an air Of astonishment
} that served to make one degree prettier than
e ever.
Nv first instinct was to turn and flee igno-
| miniously; my second was to drop my ne
] phew and his milk into the gutter and reso-
lutely deny all connection with them my
, third prompted me to stand my ground.
4 :. Y es, it is /, Mss Mlton-a-iine day -
/ - Very fine
Kate ey9d me obviously and no wonder.
One sock, curling and twistingas if serpent
r were inside of it instead Of baby's foot, ap-
! peared beneath my coat skirts, hanked by
/ about a quarter Of yard of Swiss embroidery
r and tucks, wofully cramped by the fiery or
r deal through which we had both passed-the
I milk (confound it y had dripped adown the
: full length of my peari-colored pantaloons,
! and my hat, bent and bruised, was thrust
= rakishly on the side my head. | was glove
less, flushed and dishevelled, and, take me
/ 81 for all in all, must have appeared consid-
crably like pick-poeket, or an old clothes
man out for a walk.
S passed on. followed by the sound offaint,
= subdued laughter-a sound that stung me 10
I the quick.
t So Kate and her companions were laugh
r ing at me ; this was, indeed, the unkindest
cut of ell resolved never to dance the Ger
man with Kat Milton again.
. The house was quiet and deserted as | re-
turned and inserted my night key in the lit
: tie circular lock. What could have become
: of Bertha? The cold dew oozed out OF my