Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-04-13
JOtt69ags.

JOttG2agS.
1t is strange that Gen. Grant, with his well
known dislike of bores, promoted Gen. Anger.
John G. SAKE says that Claws like sausa-
ges, cease to inspire respect in proportion as
we know how they are made.
A sharp chap thinks that Columbus is not
entitled to much credit for discovering Amer
lea, as the country is so large he could not have
missed it.
81 say, Sam, if tells you a lie why is dat
like my ole arm chair ?" II doesn't see de re-
semblance, Pete ''Wall, look yere cos it S
de seat dat | use.
1t was very funny fellow who applied to the
dentist to get his mouth repaired. On being
told what a set of false teeth would cost, he
told the doctor he would have one put in, and
if that worked well, then he would have the
others.
A man in Fishersville is said to have made
so many pairs of shoes in one day that it took
him two days to count them He was smart
one, but not quite equal to the one who built
so many miles of wall in one day that it took
him all night and the next day to get home
again.
s'Pray excuse me, said well-dressed young
man to young lady.in the second tier of box
es at the theatre, Il wish to go up stairs and
get some refreshmert, don't leave your seat
A sailor seated In the box near his sweetheart,
and disposed to do the same thing rose and
my whistle don't fall overheard when I'm
gone.
The following essay on dogs was written by a
small boy who is small pupil in small school.
''Dogs is usefuller as cats Mice is afeard of
how hIko foil how ri
catches a hog by the ear. Hogs rare bite
Sleeps bite people. People eat hogs, but not
the Jews, as they and other animals that does
not chew the cud isn't clean ones. Dogs sum
times get hit with bootjacks for barking of
mites. Sleepy people gets mad and throw at
'em. Dogs is the best animal for man they
60 more for man than ground hogs or koons or
gotes. The end
MORE VALUABLE THAN TREASURY NOTES. =
How that old cynic, Sam johnson, would have
reveed through Webster's massive new Una
bridged How he would have gloated over it's
magnificent letter-press and its illustrations,
beautiful as new Treasury Notes, and much
more ualuable to the student. The Merriams
have Incurred fabulous expense in having the
whole work rewritten, reset, re-cast, and re-
published, 1t is not mere revision, but re-
construction. To insure excellence In typogra-
ply 1t comes from the Riverside Press. which
is all that need be said about lis mechanical ex-
ecution. 1t is marvellous specimen of learn
ing. labor, research, and taste. 1t is by far the
greatest literary auorh of the age-Baltimore
american.
Our WEsT-A little bit Of romance has Just
transpired to relieve the monotony Of our met
ropolitan life. Old Sam Cloggins, whom the
editor ofthis paper has so often publicly thrash
ed. has returned from Mud Springs with a new
wife. He is said to be very fond Of her, and
the way he came to get her was this: Some
time ago we courted her, but finding she was
on the make threw her off. after shooting her
brother and two cousins. She vowed revenge,
and promised to marry any man who would
horsewhip u.s. This Sam agreed to undertake,
and she married him on that promise. We
shall call on Sam tomorrow with our new shot
gun, and present our congratulations in our
usual orm.-Hangtoa0n Gibbett
A QUADRILLE.- BY young man who tried
lt:-''We both bowed to both of US, then to
lother; then the fiddler tunked and the thing
started. | grabbed her female hand, she
squeezed mine, we both sung each other, then
we changed base clear across the room, jump
ed up and down ever so many times then my
dear and me dosed doe and hopscotched home
again, from foreign shore) then we two for
warded four, our ladies' changed we x over.
turned around twice, shassayed sideways, |
backed to place, she dittoed side couples to
the right, side couples to the left, side couples
t'other way, side couples turn gentlemen side
couples turn ladies, ladies turn side couples,
gentlemen turn side couples, head couples turn
side couples, all hands around back again.
First Teller takes opposite gal, sling her around
take your own gal and t'other fellers gal, for
ward and back, twist both gals two times, sling
EN- to opposite Teller, let him do the same as
you do, and back again to places, light gentle
man balance to heavy lady, heavy lady dupli-
cate, promenade all gals to the centre, fellers
catch hold of each others hands, bob up and
down, arm over ladies stoop, jump up and
down, each teller takes his gal back to place. =
Right gentlemen spin right lady, right lady spin
left gentleman all twist each other, do it again,
over repeat, once more, keep it up, all tarn
around, all turn the other, backwards, side
ways, each couple swing t'other couple, cross
over, back again to our seats.