The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1869-12-10
SRare LiAacs.
How to make a clean sweep-wash him.

How to make clean sweep-wash him.
Epitaph for one Of the University crew-Hc
was . gentleman and y seuller.
Poor whisky Is called Fifteenth amendment"
In the South. because It's hard to swallow.
Why Is . lean dog like man in meditation!
Because he is . hineur.
Punch knows o young man who Is 70 lazy
that he viii not labor under an impression.
A girl in Wisconsin swallowed forty perous-
sion-caps. Her mother rcfraincd from spank
ing her for fear Of an explosion.
An Iowa paper tells its readers that they can
get Chinese laborcrs wholesale, retail and pig
tall"
A popular French author writes in his last
novel "The countess Cell back in q deadly
swoon. When she revived her spirit had He'd"
At q recent prayer meeting in Troy, an en-
thusisstic brother prayed that the meeting
might be anointed with the "lsle Of Patmos."
John Morrissey has been to hear Beccher
preach, and he says he never saw . man get
the devils head in ehaneery 80 quick in al his
life"
"Sambo, why am dat Niger down de hole oh
de boat like chicken in de eggi" ~ gibs um
up" "'Cause he couldn't gst out If il wasn't
for dc hatch"
II doesn't follow that because we have taken
perilous step, We ought to retraee IL il. She
was not wise old woman who crossed bridge,
and, on being told that II was labelled "danger-
ous," turned and re-erOssed ii in all haste.
A gentleman travelling on steamer, one day
at dinner. was making way with q large pud-
ding close by. when lac was told by servant
that IL was dessert. "lt matters not TO me-"
said he, 81 could eat ii If II was wilderness"
man whose wife hung herself in his pres
enee, on being asked Why he did not prevent the
tragedy, repliel. IL cut her down three times
last week, and can't be always cutting her
down"
A young lady alightins from stage coach.
q ribbonlfell from her bonnet into the bottom Of
the coach. ''YOu have len your bow behind"
remarked lply passenger. "No haven't;
he's gone fishing this Afternoon" innocently
replied the darnsel.
John q. Save, at hotel In Chicago, or some
other tough locality, the other day, undertook
10 carve a piece Of beef. which was 50 tough |
that the carving knife male little impression
upon II. The poet laid down knife and fork,
glancel around AMI spoke; "Gentlemeu," said
he, "that's an infringement on Gocdyear's pa
tent!'
A hymn-book lately published by the spirit
ualists makes an attempt 10 combine an index
Of authors anl an index OF frst lines, OCCASION
ally atbreyisting the latter b save space, with
some very curious results. References arc Civ
en- to
"Do not wound the heart tina, loves-Dcxtsr Smith.
Have you heard Of the beautifal-Amanda 1.
Jones.
oh, i love the sparkling-Mrs. Cora Daniels.
We come, we come frOm-lludsOn futile.
A humorous old man fell in with an ignorant
and rather impertincnt young minister. who
proceeded TO inform the old gentleman in post tive
terms. that lac could never reach heaven unless |
he was born again. and addcl al have expe-
rienccd that change and now feel no anxiety"
"And have you been born again - said his |
companion musngly. EYES, trust have"
.wcll," said the old gentleman, cycling him at |
tentiSely, 81 don't think il would hurt you to
be born once more"
An old farmer, having lost quantity Of veg
etables from his garden, thought he would en-
dcayor 10 catch some Of the offenders. Placing
n large dry goods box in u convenient spot, he
one night got into II Just he saw the offenders
coming. One Of them, n large boy, crcpt rp to
the box very cautiously, and suddenly turning
Il upside down with the old fellow in II, leaped
upon il. After the boys had got all they want
ed, he got of AMI was out OF sight before the
old man could extricate himself
A little domestic story comes from Paris.
Madame dc ll-'s husband was away on Off
cial duty in Algeria, when she. to eOnsunmatea
liason with youth Of thirty, proclaimed his
death, mourning three weeks, and then married
the lover. But suddenly n. dc B returned
and was kindly received by his wife, and muir
dered ON the staircase BY hired ruffian. How
dispose of the body. Husband No. Two would
take IL TO the river in q sack. lie did 80, top
plei IL over the bridge and found himself drag
rel into the water and drowned. Madame dc
b hal deity sewn the sack to his coat lie
told no tales, and she went travelling the next
day with another friend.
Clerk" said tall Kentuckian, to hotel
official. "this young woman ami me have eloped
Have ye any marryin facilities round herei"
The clerk replied in the affirmative and the two
were "splicel" In less than an hour. The
bridegroom was evidently not yet satisfied. and
fingered around the hotel book. "Clcrk." said
he, eonhientially, at length. hadn't We better
change the register and give Us one room, now
we're marriell" "lt's already dOue," replied
the clerk. ''You're marked for the same ROOM"
"Well. clerk" replied the Kentackian, quickly,
won't you just show me NJ, then, for I'm aIr-
Iai sleepy