North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1869-07-07
WHOLE No. 664.

To see fat man struggling in crowd
is spectacle fit for the gods Nor need
man he fat to deserve commiseration.
There are thin men who suffer as much in
q crush as Mr.. Banting; and if Mr.. Bant>
ing seems to suffer more, it is only because
he has cheeks which expand with every
squeeze in the stomach, and force his face
into an expression Of explosive agony.
Barring the stomachic ordeals through
which fat man has to pass in crowd,
his lot on the whole is easier than thin
mans; and even his stomach can be pro-
tectcd if he will only take the precaution
to keep his elbows, like the dancing mas
ter's toes, well pointed. But the feet
The feet and the melancholy array of
disorders which the feet generate Here
we have the thin mans weak point. A fat
man has his feet protected before and be-
hind. 1t is only by malice that you can
scrape his heels and even malice herself
is sometimes defeated in her efforts to
reach his toes. But, as with tree, you
will often stumble over the roots before
you can touch the trunk; so with a thin
man will you often tread upon his feet
without touching his body. There is
length-in the feet there is height-in
the body; but there is no protecting
breadth as with the fat man. And though
fat man suffers not a little in having his
breath violently elected FROM his body by
the passionate struggling of reckless
neighbor, yet his anguish vanishes on es-
Gaping the crowd whilst thin man, on
the contrary. will carry the torments of
his feet to his home, and, in the rufferings
of his corns, repeat the torture of the
crowd again and again. On the whole,
then, we would rather be fat man in
crowd than thin man. But our real
choice is not to be in crowd at all. 1t
has always appeared to US most admira>
BILE sight to witness the unconcern that
some men exhibit in plunsing into
crowd. They take crowd as good
swimmer takes the water. There is no
hesitation, no doubt, no distrust of the
reception likely to be encountered. 1t is
rush, and burst, and an uproar Of
voices, and a swaying and writhing of
forms, and the vanishing Of few hats,
and the vocifercation of few oaths, and
all is over. Over at least SO far as regards
the margin of the mass. But if you ore
on an elevation you can still witness the
progress of these extraordinary tilters.-
There they 60, leaving behind them wake
of tremulous hats and perturbed shoulders
thrusting this man around so as to make
his eyes face an opposite direction, and
silencing his clamor by jamming his hat
over his nose; forcing that woman be-
tween the legs Of the dogged man behind
her who propels her forward again into
the arms of the irritable gentleman, and
causing her to be flung from him with
violence that frlls boy to the ground, to
be stumbled over by the people in front as
the crowd sways back! There they go I
One with his necktie streaming over his
back, another with his coat. sleeve jammcd
hopelessly above the elbow, another with
his hat over his ears, and his coat literally
buttonless They have followed each
other pell-mell for time, with outstretch.
ed hands and jerking bodies. But the
crowd has dispersed them they have
scattered in angles, and you may still
know that they have not arrived at the
point they are determined to reach, by the
sundry small whirlpools in the sea Of hats,
and the occasional disappearance of hat
and sometimes of head from the scenes
Of their struggles. We admire such peo-
pie. But our admiration is ola purely
unuixed kind. 1t is not even tainted by
the least desire to emulate them. Their
courage is very remarkable /; but it is a
courage like the prize-fghter's we have
no desire to share in it. :
You may sometimes read of good
natured crowd. Where is 60 ID natured
crowd to be met? If it he good d
to crush your neighbor into pulp to drive
at him with your elbows SO as to be first
in reaching the door, or the platform, or
what not; to feela savage delight in hear
ing his groans as he vainly strives to
extricate his foot from beneath the IRON
shod of some burly villain, intent upon
immolating all SO as to be first or amongst
the first; then most unquestionably is a
crowd good natured. But it is at the best
most cruel sort Of good-nature. Witness
he ordeal it creates through which man
must pass before he can satisfy his wishes.
He is q nicely-dressed man, dainty gloved,
buttoned neatly up, his pin unerringly
adjusted to his necktie, his hat polished to
the last degree of brightness, his whiskers
daintily trimmed, and the little parcel un-
der his arm smooth, compact, unruffled,
round. He is on the skirt Of the crowd.
1t is Saturday. He has an appointment
to dine with some ladies twelve miles from
the city. lie surveys the compact mass
moment; his curiosity gets the better Of
his judgment, and in he plunges. Some
time elapses, and then he emerges again.
But is this our friend? Yes-but how
changedl He still retains his hat-thank
heaven! but where is its polish where
its brightness? His coat is unbuttoned
and one button is gone. His necktie is
overhanging his waistcoat-it is mercy
that the pin held tight. His clean shirt
is tumbled. His polished boots are crusted