The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1869-10-30
WIT AND WISDOu


AZ lrishman leauing against q lano.,
az funeral procession was pass;ne ~ 80 80
asked who was dead. " / can,t ayo oo,i' N, ~
sur," said he, 1" but presume IL T. ~. G3ay'
tleman in the coffin" : '"e J'n-
/ JOSH BILLINGS defines 4 q tbrrro- L-,
biziDess man" as " wun that knows aD,E
about steelin SOFT there kant ennvbodv staai
from him, and enuff about law 90 that M c.n
DO bis own steeling legally"
AN intelligent gentleman from Germanv
on his first visit to an American church, md
a contribution box with a hole in tbs to0
presented to him, and whispered to the col
leetor, don't got mine bapers, and can't
vote"
AN attorney on being called to account ror
having acted unprOfessiOnally in taking loss
than ths usual fees from bis client, pleaded
that he had taken all that the mar had. Ue
was thereupon honora5ly acquit VI.
A PENNSYLVANIA farmer writes his eoun-
try paper that be cured bis da Ehter Of the
Grecian bend by pouring water on her and
holding her out in the sun until she warned
back again.
"WHY don't you limit Yourself P'' said
physician to an intemperate person. Set
down stake that you will 20 50 far and no
farther" " do, replied the other, But
set it SO far off that always get drunk BE-
fore | get to it,"
"DEAR me-" exclaimed Stiggins, "that
new surgeon gave Squantum's boy a new lip
from the child's own check What pain
ful operation it must have been !" "Pve
bad pair Of lips taken from my check more
than once" replied Mrs. StiRgins, Sand 1t
wasn't painful operation at all"
A LAWYER once asked a Dutchman, CON
cerning pig, in court:
What ear-marks had be Z"
Veil, ven FIRST became acquainted init
de hook, be had no car-marks except very
short tail"
SAID Jarvey to Jehu, at irst sight Of
velOcipede: IVY, ii there isn't cove as 'as
been condemned TO Transportation n on a hiti-
nerary treadmill." "NO," replied Jehu.
no, my old 'oney1Omb, it's only the latest
fashion 10 donkey carts, and the donkey 'as
run away with itsef-that's ALL"
Two brothers, who were very successful
dentists, built very large aud handsome
house, which was thought to resemble a
large molar tooth in shape. 1t is common
remark " See what brothers can 10 when
they pull together"
My DEAR" asked husband, on observ-
ing new stripped hose on nis only heir,
why have you made barber's poles OF our
Ernest's legs 2" " Because he's little
shaver" was the reply.
A new attempt is making in Germany to
entice miners to emigrate to Venezeula. A
previous emigration thither, owing to the
low ground Of the mines and the tropical
climate, resulted in the death of tn e miners.
The Venezuelan Consul at Hamburg Carril-
losy Na7as, il nevertheless trying to urge
the Germans on this road to ruin.
THE recent food did great damage To the
HOOsac Tunnel. The entire western
entrance is covered with earth and
rocks to an unknown depth, and the
Tunnel on that side is filed with water. It
will cost $4,000 or $4,000 to repair da-
IMAGES, and probably a much larger sum.
The extent of the disaster will not appear
Of course until the cleaning away OF the
debris and pumping out Of the water.
Nor having heard from the debating So
cieties in relation to the cOnundrum, Why
do hens always lay eggs in the day time?
a contemporary answer" Because at night
they ara ronslers
A GENTLEMAN one day ndiscreetly asked
a lady how old she was. " Let ms see. If
was Is when l was married, aud my hus-
band was 30; now be is twice 80, and that
is so; so Of course | am twice IS, that
il 36.''
AFTER MARRIAGE.-Wife: Charles, dear,
now that we are married we must have no
secrets 50 help me of with my calUes"
Husband groans and wishes be had found il
out sooner.)
THE use Of bricks as lining for wells has
been much disapproved Of because they
have been found to harden the softest
water; bricks are equally injurious as
a lining for hats, as they are found 70
soften the hardest heads.