The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-07-23
d8tif ats Duttlur.


"A Fact ourtshp is bliss, but
matrimony is blister.
- The best cure for tight boots
Small feet.
- You can always find sheet Of
water on the bed OF the ocean.
-Velocipedestli MISUNDERSTANDING
ologist is the latest addition to the lam
guage.
-"One bumper at parting" az the
drunkard said when he ran against the
post.
TO what color does a flogging
change a boys complexion? 1t makes
him yell-O.
- Why do "birds in their little
nest agree?" Because they'd fall out
if Their didn't
- A married lady beng asked to
waltz. gave the following sensible and
appropriate answer, mo, thank you
sir. | have enough hugging at home"
Some ungcneroas biped has a
patent medicine to make fellow rise
early in the morning. A correspond
ent says a six months old baby can
beat it to death.
- ooiue NTecn Oh an eultOr says
that another twist to the present mode
of dong up the ladies' hair would take
them OFF their feet.
a Joker lately declared that a
blind man oy taking something from
th breakfast table, re covered his sight.
What did he take? He took tea-cup
and saucer saw, sir.)
Halo = said gentleman. who
met his servant out late one evening.
where are yon going at this time of
night For no good, I'll warrent!'
4 was going for you, SIR replied the
servant.
-"Dear son, come home-a roll
ing stone gathers no moss. Your affec-
tionate mother, till death.'' "Dear
mother, won't come home-a setting
hen never gets fat. Your affectionate
son."
- A man called another an extor-
tioneer for suing him. "Why, nv
friend replied the man who brought
the suit, II did it to oblige you." TO
oblige me, lndeed-how SOP" "Why,
to oblige you to pay me-"
= She tripped along with ribbons
flying, from bran new hat she'd lust
been buying. She held her head up
very high, and thought well, amt
just OH PIE !" An orange peel lay
N the tract, she tripped, and iias upon
her back lay Miss Maria Slmkins.
Ill say, milkman, you give your
cows too much salt" "Why,-how do
you know how much salt | give them?"
II Judge from the appearance of the
milk you bring us lately. Salt makes
the cows dry, and them they drink so
much water that it makes their milk
thin, you know"
"A Clergyman. who was cansol-
ing young widow on tie death of her
husband spoke in very serious tone.
remarklng that he was ''such Jewel of
a Christian-you cannot find his canal
you well know" To which the sob
ping one replied, with an almost bro
Ken heart, "lll bet | WILL
- farmer who had engaged the
services OF son of the Emerald Isle.
sent MN out one morning to ,larrov a
piece OF ground. He had not worked
long before neatly all of tbs teeth came
out OF the harrow. Presently the far
mer went out into the field to take
notes OF rats progress, and asked him
how he liked narrowing. '.Oh I"repIi-
since the pegs are out"
- Wasn't Pushing Him Some
time ago, OIL the Sabbath, we wendell
our way to one OF the churches. and
instead OF a sermon heard an address
upon some missionary or other 5enev-
oleht SUBJECT After the address was
concluded, two brethren were sent
Ioullu lot contributions. Parson L.
was Que OF the basket bearers. taking
tue SIDE upon which we sat. Immedi-
ately IN our front, and ubcn the next
seat, neglgently recllned our friend
Bill H., a gentleman of Infinite
TunloF ana iliil Of dry jokes. Parson
- extended the basket. and Bill
slowly shook his head.
80 Tome ONE William, give us something"
SAID tile parscn.
Cant do it," said Bill.
why not! Is not the cause good
thing" 'o' ''"'> ~ give any =
Pooh pooh know better, you must
give = better reason than that"
en- owe tooDnuch money: I
i Inni. es just before | am generous, you
Ib9 William You owe God q larger
o1p .1,I than You owe any one else" .
ilat 5 true, larson, but then he
am pushing M like The balance OF
my creditors" -
r, me parsons face got in rather R GU
iio's condition as he passed on.