Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-04-16
Wise and y tlncryvisc.

/ Wise and otfrcryvfac.
4. r.. Stewart is called by some
1 writer Almost Treasury Stewart.
How to ride a vclocipede-Straddie
Il saddle, then paddle and skedaddle.
Silver is found in the Allegheny
Mountains, near the Baltimore and
Ohio Railroad.
4 Vermonter named Clough, has q
goose flfty-nine years old, whirh has
raised three hundred and forty-eight
gosliuge.
Secretary Borie, who doen't like to
be Secretary Bored, has posted q
notice that there are no vacancies il
his Office,
\ wicked wretch, who claims 10
know the rich men Of Cincinnati
and st. Louis, gays that 1.-THE great
want Of each city is about IS first
class funerals"
The Hearth and Home says: The
best bank ia bank of earth. 1t
never refuses to discount to honest
labor. The best shares are pillow
shares, on which dividends are al
ways liberal"
Mrs. Stanton says she proposes 10
agitate Woman's Rights in the
kingdom of heaven. We know some
folks who, If this is to he the case,
will want their tickets changed for
some other place.
\ newspaper In Oregon publishes
marriages under the heading FIXED
to stay" a friend at our elbow sug-
gests that, in Chicago, the proper
title for marriage notices would be
Nix for Stay"
TIE other evening while the Chi
cage express was nearing Pittsburg
at the rate OF thirty miles an hour q
passenger came aboard. He is doing
well, considering circumstances.
And so is his mother.
Dentists are "coming the gum
game" as usual. BlacIismiths are
more or less given to vice, Carpen-
tiers will chisel when they get q
chance-oftcn, too, they are borcs,
and annoy us with their old saws.
\ negro preacher recently arrested
in New Orleans as q disorderly per-
son, was unabled to pay the fine i'm
posed. He was about to be commit
ted when o happy thought struck
him. IF your honor will trust me
till Monday, I'll take up collection
tomorrow" He was trusted.
The Detroit Post has the following
squibs:
How strange is dlsappointmen.'s power!
Dizpule Il no one can;
Andy, dishonest while in power,
Is now q non esq man!
Whoop I'm a bully boy. ard Congress is a liar
Were the last dying woods OF A. johnson
A-SN4t-Es
1dleness is the great corrurter o
youth, and the bane and diSnonor O
middle age. He, who ir. the prime
Of middle life, fnda time to hans
heavily on his hands, may will
much reason Suspect that he has mo-
consulted rle duties which the con
siderauon of his age imposed upon
= him assuredly he has not consulted
IFS happiness.
Evading the Question.-Shan't
see you hum from s!ngin'-skule to
night, Jerushy" No you shan't dc
no such thing; l don't want you MOI
your company Reuben. 'P'raps yor
didn't understand what I said ?
Yes 1 did; You asked mo if yo,
mightn't see me hum 'Why, no
, didn't; only asked you how you
marin wasn
= 4 gentleman after having paid hi
addresses to a young lady for some
time, popped the question" The
! lady, in frightened manner, said
You scare me, sir!" The gentle
, man did not wish to frighten tht
lady, and consequently remained
quiet for sorlu time, when she ex
claimed, Scare me again."
The Springfield Republican tartly
remarks: "When two of the smart
est and sweetest tempered members
of Congress, like General Schenci
: and General Butler, have sigh
difference of opinion, as they did the
other day, there is no occasion fol
anybody to regret it except them
selves. They will be we'll employed
in criticising each other, and the
country will not be the loser by theii
Investigations and reports"
: a clergyman once asked Mr.. James
Harper what he did adding: ~
know that Mr.. John Harper attends
to the business; Mr.. Wesley Harper
, looks after the literary correspond,
ence; Mr.. Fletcher Harper receives
authors, and looks after new books
anu the Magazine-but you, Mr..
Mayor, I have never been able to
discover what you do" I'm tell
you," answered the Mayor, in n
whisper, "but you must not let 1t out,
I entertain the bores."
Grey LARS consist not in the null
titude of years, but in the number
and variety Of useful observations
that arc made; nor is there any rea.
son why wisdom should be peculiarly
ascribed to the aged, except such
persons, by having lived longer il
the world, and having had the op-
portunity OF many and various oc-
currenccs TO ripcn their Judgments,
have accordingly improved it: for it
matters hot much whether q man
makes his observations in longer,
or less time, provided lie makes them