The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1869-10-22
Misfsllanfuus.
a Quaker Detective.

"A VuaKer ueteCJlVe.
We were five passengers in all two
ladies on the back seat, Il middle aged
gentleman and a Quaker ON the middle,
and myself on the one in front.
Two ladies might have been mother
and daughter, aunt and niece, govern
ess ard charge, or might have sustained
any other relationship which made it
proper for two ladies to travel together
unattended,
The middlc-.aged gentleman was
sprightIy and talkative. He soon struck
up an acquaintance with the ladies, to.
wards whom, in his zeal to d0 he rather
orcr did, the grceable--bowing and
smiling and chattering over his shoulder
in way painfully suggestive, at hi,
time of life, of "crick" in the neck =
He was evidently gray Lothario.
The Quaker wore the uniform of hi,
sect, and confined his speech, as many
IL parliamentarian would save his credit
by doing, to simple "yeas" and "nays.'
AS for myself, | make it an invarablt
rule of road to be merely locker. ol
and listener.
Towards evening, | was aroused from
one Of those rcveries into which youn.
man, cittOm being either poet or
lover acW sometimes fall, by the abrup
query from the talkative gentleman :
care you armed, sir 2"
81 am not" | answered, astonished
no doubt visibly, at the question.
81 am sorry to hear it," he replied
"for before reaching our next stoppin
place it will be several hours in tn
night, and we must pass over porto
Of the road on which more than one rol
berry is reported to have been commit
| ted"
The ladies turned pale, but the stran
ger did his best to reassurc them.
"NOt that think there is the slight
est danger ut present." he resumed
"only when one is responsible for tn
safety Of ladies, you know, such Il thini
as II pistol in reach would material,
add to ones confidence"
"lour principlcs,my friend," address
ing the Quaker,"l presume are rs mucl
opposed to carrying as to using carna
| Weapons.'
| "Nca," was the response.
"Havo the villains murdered any q
| their victims ?" the elder lady nervous
ly inquired.
'Or have they contented thenselve
with-with-plundering them ?" adde'
the younger, in Il timorous voice.
"Decidedly the latter" the amiabl
gentleman FASTENED 20 give assurance
"and as we are none of us prepared t.
offer resistance in case of attack, moth
ing worse than robbery can possibly be
fall U.S."
Then, after blaming his thoughtlcss
ness in having unnecessarily introduced
a disagrceablc subject, the gentleman
quite cXcclIcd himself in efforts to ras
the spirits Of the company, and ha'
succeeded 50 well by the time night Sc
| in, that all had quite forgotten, or only
remembered their fears to laugh II
| them.
Our genial companion fairly talkcC
himself hoarsc. Prcceiving which, h
took from his pocket package of ;
newly invented "Coagh GmaN" and
after passing it first to the ladies, h'
helped himself to the balance, and toss
cd the paper out Of the window.
lie was in the midst Of IL high encon
um on the new nOstrum, more than
half the ehOy of which, he insisted
depended on its being taken by suctiD,
when Il shrill whistle was heard, an,
almost Immediately the coach stopped
while two faces, hideously BACKED, pre-
sented themselves, one mt each win
dow.
Sorry to trouble you," said the MAJ
on the right, acknowledging with bow
two lady-like screams from the bacl
seat; "but business is business anC
ours will soon be over, if things &,
smoothly"
"Of coursc,gentlemcn, you will spare
as far as may be consistent with you
disagreeable duty, the feelings of thos,
ladies'" appealed the polite passenger
in his blandest manner.
"Oh certainly; they shall be first at
tended to, and shall not be required t
leave their places, or submit to search
unless their conduct renders it neces
sary,"
"And now, ladies'" continued tn,
rObher, the barrel of his pistol glitter
| ing in the light OF tho coach-lamp
"be SO good rs to pass out your purses
watches, and such other trinkets n
may be accessible without too mucl
trouble"
The ladies came down handsomely
and were no further mOlested.
One by one the rest of Us were com
PEELED 10 get out, the middIe.aged gen
tlcman's turn coming first. lie sub
mittcd with winning grace, and wa
robbed like II very Chesterfield.
My own affair, like the sum lost, /
scarcely worth mentioning, The Quak
er's turn came next. He quietly hand
ed over his pocket book and watch, AN
when asked if he had any other valua
| lilo. lufl tsNJnN, -