Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1869-07-07
THE BARBER OF STOCKOBAWLBR
a Tale OTThe supernatural
BY MARK LEMON.

! At the little town of Stocksbawler, on
the lower Rhine, in the year of grace IS
| go, resided one Hans ScTapschins an in
dUstTiOUs and clOse-shaving barber. His
! industry met with due encouragement
| from the bearded portion of the cOmmU-
nifty; and the softer sex, whose greatest
fault is ficllIeness, generally selected
| Hans for the honor rOfnew-frOnting then
when they had grown tired of the ring
lets nature had bestowed, and which
| time had frosted.
Hans continued to shave and thrive
and all the careful old bUrgbers fOretOlC
of his future well-dOing; when he met
with a misfortune, which promised fOl
a time to shut up his shop and leave him
a begger. He fell in love.
NGighbOTs warned Hans of the cOnse-
qUences of his folly; but all remOnstance
was in vain. Customers became scarce,
wearing out their patience and theil
wigs together; the shop became dirty
and winter saw the flies Of summer scat
tered OH his show board.
Agnes Flirtitz was the prettiest girl in
StOcksbaWler. Her eyes were rs blue as
a summers sky, her cheeks as rosy as al
autumn sunset, and her teeth as white
as winters snow. Her hair was a beau
tiful fiaXen-nOt a drab-but that Decu-
liar scven-penny-mOist- tint which
the poets of old were wont to call gol-
den. Her voice was melOdiOUS; hernOtes
i3 alt. were equal to Crisis; in short
she would have been a very desirable,
lOvable young lady, if she had not been
a COqUette.
Hans met her at festival given in
cOmmemOTatiOn of the demise of the bur-
gOmaster's second wife--I beg pardon, !
mean i'm celebration of his union with
his third bride. From that day Hans
was lost barber. Sleeping, waking,
shaving, curling, weaving, Dowdering,
he thought of nothing but Agnes. His
lOve-dTeams placed him in all kinds OF
awkward prGdicaments.
And AgneS--what thought she of the
unhappy barber? Nothing except that
he was presUmptuOUs puppy, and wore
questionable garments. Hans receiv-
ed an intimatiOn Of this latter opinion;
and, after sundry qUailings and misgiv-
ings, he resolved to dispose of his re
naming stock of trade, and, for once,
dress like a gentleman. The measure
had been taken by the tailor, and gar
ments had been basted and tried on, and
Hans was standing at his door in a state
of feveTish excitement, awaiting their
arrival ina completed condition (as there
was to be a fctc on the morrow, atwhich
Agnes was to be present., when stran-
ger requested to be shaved. Hans wish
ed him at the-neXt baTbeT's; but there
was something so unpleasantly positive
in the visitors appearance, that he had
not the power to object 50 politely bow
ed him into the shop. The stranger re-
moved his cap, and discovered two very
ugly pTOtubeTanCeS, one on each side of
his head, and of most UnphTcenologicaI
appearance. Hans commenced opera
tiOns--the lather dried as fast as he Iaid
it on, and the razor emitted small sparks
as it encountered the bristIcs on the
strangers chin. Hans felt peculiarly
uncomfortable, andnOta word had hith-
ertO passed Oh either side, when the
stranger broke the ice by asking rather
abruptly, 'Have you any SChnapps in
the hOuse?' Hans jumped like parched
pea. Without waiting for q reply, the
stranger rose, and opened the cupboard.
81 never take anything stronger than
water" said Hans, in reply to the 'Pshaw'
which broke from the strangers lips as
he smclt at the contents of little brown
pitcher. more fool yOu," replied his
customer. "Here, taste that--some of
the richest grape blood of Rheinga;" and
k,
the sober barber respectfully declined.
"Ha! ha! and yet you hope to thrive with
the women, ," said the stranger. NOwOn-
der that Agnes treats you as she does.
But drink, man! drinkW
The stranger took pipe, and coOlly
seated himself again in his chair, hung
one leg over the back of another, and
striking his finger briskly down hisn
elected a flame that ignited his tObac-
co, and then he pu1Ied and pufed, till
every moth in the shop cOughed aloud.
The uneasiness of Hans increased, and
he looked toward the door, with the
most COwaTdly intention; and, 10! two
laughing, dimpled faces were peeping i'm
at them. "Ha! how are yOu?" said the
stranger; "COme in! come inn and to
Hans horror, two very eqUivOcaI damsels
entered the shop. Hans felt scandaliz-
ed, and was about to make a most DOW
erful TemOnstranCe, when he encounter
ed the eye Of his impertincnt customer;
and, from its sinister expression, he
thought it wise to he silent. One of the
damsels seated herself upon the stran-
gers knee, whilst the other looked most
COaXingly to the barber who, however,
remained proof to all her winks and
blinks, and ''wreathed smiles"
"SplitzenW exclaimed the lady, "the
mans an icicleu1
"Hau's, you're a fOolu said the stran-
ger; and his inamOrata cOncurred i'm the
opinion. The flask was again prolfered
the eye-artillery again brought into
action, but Hans remained constant to
pump water and Agnes Flirtitz.
The stranger rubbed the palm Of his
hand on one OfhiS head ornaments; as.
though he were somewhat perplexed at
the cOntumaCiOus conduct ofthe barber:
then rising, he gracefully led the ladies
out. As he stood with one foot on the
step of the door, he turned his head
scOrnfully over his shoulder and said:
"Hans, you are nothing but a-barbcr;
but before | eat, you shall repent of your
present determination"
"What security have that you will
keep your word?" replied Hans, who
felt emboldencd by the outside situation
of his customer, and the shop poker, of.
which he had taken possession.
"Hhe best in the world" said the
stranger. "Herc, take thcscWund plac-
ing bothrows of his teeth in the handso of
the astOnishCd Hans, he quietly walked
up the street with the ladies.