The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-12-23

IN. = s4~p sts
t"e To sue for fame with tongue or pen,
And gain or lose the prize; and then (!
-. 81 . .ftI5s4sitf7 MA
sri, And then in gray and wrinkled Ed
~. TO mourn the speed Of ife's decline;
.ei,q To praise the scenes of youth behind
zdFt And dwell in memory Of Lang Syne,
80 To dream while with darkened ken, e
Then drop into his grave, and then :!
What is the greatest..curiosity in the world !?
a wamap's, gla to8 agaa ian fsa
= Why isfhe eoad ofthe transgressor 80 hard Z!
Because it issss often travelled ~ 9eos'l
Married life often begins with rosewood
and mahogany, and ends with pine. sga ..,n
Henry Waxa Beecher says it will never
do to .'preach" eresa and practice skimmilk."
"A Young mans affections are not always
wrong, but they 4 generally miss placed
"A Scapegrace remarked that the principal
,branch Of educatianiin his school was a viii
How branch
Mr. Simms- saysif ct wasn't for the hole in
THE hoop you coald1ttput it on the barrel, and
'the barrel would bs.st- ,,s... ..sfs5b 81 III
fine man wlsowas aaboring to build up q
reputation has slspar ded operations for want
,of bricks. g5 .a z4i}
"A man doipgibusiuess without advertising
'is'lkke ~iuking At e pretty girl through
goggles. ir
Franklin says aupec, man must work to find
meat for his sttAaa4iis rich one to ind stoM-
adh for bis ineab. ae
Why is It eesNrttc be a clergyman than a
physician? BecAke it is easier to preach
than to pracsits. ss
Tree stdxtsa. citizens of illinois, shook a
railroad cat 'Jf thc track, last week. while la
boring aAAet an attack Of ague. ssse
ssYon look as though you were beside your
self 2" Al the wag said to the fop who hap,
uened te be standing BY donkey
An unpoctical Yankee has described ladies
hps as the glowing gateways of beans, pork,
sour cfout and potatoes. as s ~
Spfiggins says he once prevented a severe
case Of hydrophobia by getting on high
fence and waiting there until the dog left. Z"
sssHox close you arc, husband you'll SQUAD
bleabout a farthing." swell, I always thought
the less one squabbles about, the better.
Coming Events-Christmas day. Past
Eyents-Thanksgivin day. We look for the
turkey we did not get last year. M 9sa
Sydney Smith compares the whistle Of a
locomotive to the squeal ofan attorney when
Satan first gets hold Of him, ..a5sa. a.ss ID
An American editor makes the following
announcement: "Seyeral deaths unavoidably
delayed until next week." IT 4 ieH lses Eiiaaq
Somebody hoaxing said to Jerold," ] have
Just had some calls tail soup" the wit .repli-
ed--nwell extremes do meet some times. !" egpa
A Young lady who drew a gentleman's
wrapper at a recent gift concert in Waterbu-
nv. conn, now wants gentleman top put in-
to it, i.A Il s.
A darkie went into Texas blacksmith
shop, with his pockets full of powder. When
he went out the roof of the shop went out
with him.
The honeymoon Of q married young woman
of Hartford, was somewhat clouded lately, by
the discovery that her husband was engaged
to two othet girls.
"A beggar in England carries physicians
certificate, which, when deciphered, is found
to tess.ey that the bearer is afflicted with "hy-
pocrisy and iauiness."
AWARNINa- Hands wanted on bosoms, /"
is sign on Broadway, n Y, in front of a
shirt factory. They should have added no
gentleman need apply. a,a'eaes EGG
An exchange says aMarried, at Sunberry,
by Rev. Cranberry Nehemiah Blackberry to
Catherine Elderberry daughter of Jack Ell
derberry Of Danbury. sssas5Aa ~,
"Can you tell me how old the devil is ?o
asked an irreverent fellow of clergyman.
"My friend, you must keep your own family
record," was the reply. re SIAM
"Iwill have orderw shouted a captain of a
schooner to his refractory cook. al you wont
cock the dinner, I'll-do it myself. will
have discipline on bourd this ere vessel ="
A Missouri girl, Miss Betty Shy, shyed
out of the world, by the strychninc RAILROAD,
because the young man who was to take her
to party changed his mind and took her
sister, ~ @},q rrsg
In enc county in Georgia forty seven men.
were drawn on q jury. and All released on ac-
count Of having young babies at home. The
judge declared the Court adjourned until the
baby season was over.
A gentleman, having paid his addresses 10
young lady and then popped the question"
the lady was frightened and said, ssYou scare
me sir J" The gentleman did net wish to
brighten the lady, and remained quiet for some
time, when she exclaimed, "Scare me again."
Man may be worm; but glance at the
c1,o tbot H., k1,A,
er dyes. aA .g
An editor says his attention was first drawn
to matrimoney by the skillful manner in
VIII Oh a girl handled broom whereat a
brother editor says the manner in which his
wife han lies the broom is not SO pleasant.