Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1869-05-29
Utterly impossible.

That n woman who goes 10 church
three times On Sunday, aud every evening
in :he week, while her husband eais
could dinners, and her children wear rap-
gcd stockings, caa be better Christian
than she vho goes only once week
and keeps the kettle boiling Mt home, and
the faces around her bright
That the old gentleman who SAYS
Things aren't as they used TO be when
was young--thc world seems to be going
backward all the wlilet" has kept up
with the times Old gentleman, it is
you that Is standing still, while the world
moves of, aud the less you say about it,
/ the better.
That the girl who lies in bed while her
! mother gets the breakfast. and then
creeps out from among the pillows with
hair in crimping pins, and shawl awrv.
to snap nj the old lady and snarl at the
! little brothers and sisters, can over make
a good wife TO any man! Just as the
1 twig Is bent the trees inclined" ard
/ this twig is bent remarkably crooked
! That boy who calls his fathe; "thc.
governor" and his mother "the old wo-
/ man. keeps away from Sabbatl-scbnol
and Biblc-class, spends Sunday on the
street corners, aud habitually makes
| light Of sacred things will make n good
or n great man, unless he reforms
straight through from the very bcgiDn-
/ ing!
That man who thinks it "mcan" -
count his change, or look after his pen.
mics, can ever become a RotLschild, or
even a modera.ly rich man!
/ That woman who puts down every
cent OF her expenditure, from two cents
| for shoe laces up to two hundred dollars
| for silk dress, during one entire year,
can fail to spend considerably less the
second year Ii is rather difficult. with
out this precaution, to tell "where the
money goes" but when you have once
| discovered the needless expenses, it is
comparatively easy to check them.
That man who sneers at matrimony.
and declares "there isn't the woman liv-
ing he would marry" has not been badly
Tilted within the year by some unprinci-
pied little coquette who thought he
needed a lesson?
That the old maid who devotes her
life to cats and canary birds. dogs and
parrots, hasn't q warm corner in her
heart for pretty dimpled baby, what
ever the popular prciudIces upon the
subject may be. II any body don't be-
lieve that such 2n old maid would make
a good wife, let him marry her, and see
That the child who is always allowed
to have his own way at home, and never
is contradicted ''lest it should break his
! spirit" will make useful member of
| ha IL
come III contact with the restrictions Of
the world and the laws of the land
That little girl who can't go out in
winter because the frost will spoil her
complexion, and who must stay in the
house in summer, lest the sun should en-
brown her delicate skin, will develop in
to healthy woman Keep a geranium
out of the air and sunshine, and it will
sprout into sickly pallor Geranums and
children are not altogether unlike in this
respect.
That man who has his cupboard full of
quack medicines, and doses his family in
the spring "to clear out their systems"
and gives them pills and powders in the
fall ''to brace them up" and runs for tho
doctor every time the baby rolls up its
eyes, can't fail to supply the undertaken
with several paying jobs in the course of
the next ten years!
That the old lady who believes in
signs and symptoms, always looks out
for the new moon over her left shoulder,
and never makes pickles on Friday,
will not know "SOn'ething to happen"
within :he year, particularly ii she has
the bad luck to break the lookiug-g glass
As the old Dutch farmer said, "Thincs
is always happening, most years :"
That the man who says, "Plentv of
time, there's no hurry" should not miss
the boats, lose the trains, and get gener-
ally behindhand just notice whether
people that have "plcnty of timc,' don't
usually cnd with having no time at all.
That the woman who puts off her bak-
ing until the washing is dcne, and the
weather is q little warmer, and sits
down to read dog's-eared novel in the
meantime, should have anything but Il
drinking husband, shittlcss children, ard
q desoate home.
That the man who carries his hands in
his trowsers pockets, should ever possess
anything else to carry in his pockets
That the young lady who Sleeps in kid
gloves, and powders her face ''for the
benefit Of her complexion" should have
more than hcr share of common sense
That the man who wears an imitation
diamond ring will ever owr real one !?
For mock jewclry indicates lack of
brains, and it takes certain amonnt Of
brains to make money enough for real
diamonds, or anything else that is genu-
inc.
That woman who believes in the old
proverb, that "a soft answer turneth
away wrath" and puts it in daily prac.
tice, can become involved In quarrels
with the people who live next door aud
across the street, however belligerently
they may be disposed
The Hebrews lfate always been re-
markable for their excellent svsten of
| charitable relief IN tthfch brt nno r,thar