The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1869-02-08
FACETIE.

from pole to pole.
Filtration is defined as "the prelim
mary canter of love-making."
Disgusting meanness-To tan dog
hide with his own bark.-Judy.
1t is a very bad sort of education tC
be brought up by policeman"
Advertising is said to be the "exten
sion of your shop front in the newspa
pers."
A London paper calls Chicago a sort
of a depot for quarrelsome husbands
and wives"
Don Piatt went to call on Senator
Sherman New Years Day, and had thu
honor of hearing the servant announce
him as Damned Pirate"
Tim asked old Ten-per-cent what he
wanted to accumulate so much money
for. Says he, "you can't take it with
you when you die, and if you could il
WOuld melt I"
The. Arabs allow man to divorce
himself from wife who does not make
good bread. What a crop of divorces
that law would create in America!
In a recent EHglish election bribery
case the evidence proved that the car.
didate for Parliament had only been
"imprudently charitable" and he was
acquitted.
At recent party at Grants residence
in Washington, a venturesome fair one
said, General, now, won't you say whe
You intend to put in your CabiHetT =
swell, Mrs. -" said he, "my wife has
asked me that question already, but
haven't told her yet"
Said a youngster, in high glee, dis
playing his purchase to bosom friend
on the sidewalk, 1.-TWO cocoanuts fol
ten cents that will make me sick to-
morrow, and l won't have to go tc
school,"
The New Lisbon (Ohio) Patriot grieves
to learn "that some of our school girls
carry toilet glasses to school, and paint
and powder when they should be en-
gagged in their studies"
The woman who is bent on marrying
q man because he is lion, sheuld re
member that it does not necessarily
follow that she will become n liOuGss.
"What are you writing there, my
boy 7" asked fond parent the other day
of his hopeful son, shaver OF ten
years my ycompothition, thir." "What
is the subject l" international law,
thir," replied the young Grotious. but
really, / shall be unable to concentrate
my ideas and give them relation if
am constantly interrupted in thith mat
ter by irrelevant inquiries.
Little, of the Fredericksburg Ners
thus feelingly appeals to delinquents
"a Paternal Editorial Appeal If our
delinquent debtors could see US at this
time, 1:3O A. NJ, in our night shirt
rocking the cradle of the Junior Editor
while the dear, good mother sleeps, they
would not have the heart to withhold
what they owe us. Remember that we
were in the wilderness of bachelorhood
for nearly forty years, and pity the
sorrows,' &c.'
Gentlemes, walk up, for there's nc
difference of opinion about the propri,
ETY. of such "movement."-Petcrsbur.
Express.
al don't want mother to marry again,
said little boy one day at breakfast
"Why not ~ was asked with some sur.
prise. Because sad he, "Tve lost
one father, and don't want the trOu
BILE of getting acquainted with anoth
er."
Cham represents an anxious mother
pleading with the director of gymna'
SUM to give her soa one of the prizes
"Your son, madame, persists in doing
nothing" says the director. "Then,
replied the mamma, by no means dis
concerted, "you should give him the
prize for perseverance"
A Yankee, who was travelling out
West, was obliged to stay over night al
hotel of doustful repute in a border
town, where barroom fights were the
staple amusements. During the night
he thought he heard a considerable dis
turbance and in the morning, on going
down, found the landlord sweeping up
what he thought were grapes. He said
to him: "You have pretty large grapes
out herew Grapes grapes" said the
landlord" them's eyes that were gouged
out here last night"
Here am remi nded of sharp jest Of
General Rawlings. A friend of his, at {
dinner some time ago, was slipping wine
rather freely, and growing talkative
Finally the latter said, speaking oi
somebody, "Oh, that mine enemy
would write book" "Your enemy
said Rawlings, pointing to the bottle
don't write boOk.."-G. 4. TotrHsend
A lady who had received foreign ed
ucatien, went into photograph gal
lery lately TO have her picture taken
and was astounded by the request of the
artist that she should sit on her foot
She Indignantly assured him she should
do no such thing. Why" he said, 4" il
is common habit of American women,
and gives an easy attitude to the pic
ture." To assure her that such was the
fact, he pointed to twelve or twenty
photographs of ladies who were taker
with one foot doubled under them, hav'
ing assumed the position unconsciously
A gentleman remarked in a tavern
that be had shot hawk at ninety yards
with number 6 shot. Another replied
Must have n good gun, but Uncle
Dave has one there that beats it,"
"Ah. how far will his kill q hawl
with No. 6 shotT asked the first.
81 don't use shot or call either" saiC
Uucle Dave himself
"Then what do you usei'
II use salt altogether. kill M
game so far with my gun that the game
might spoil before could get to it,"
Teas and TobaccoS.