The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1869-10-14
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

BUSINESS men insure in the Washington
Life
TIE fittcst dover for a widow-A
wi-dower
THE individual who is contented with
his "lot proves to be real-estate owner
WHAT a difference it makes whether
you put DR.. before or after a mans name.
DIVIDENDS are never forfeited in the
Washington Life Insurance Company of
New York.
WHY is laziness like money? Because
the more man has of it the more he
wants.
A LANDLADY in Boston, it is said, makes
her biscuit so light, that the dodgers can
see to go to bed by them. Saves Kerosene.
GIN ruined" as the old woman said
when her house was on fire; "but it is q
cold night, and may as acell acarm myself"
A MAN just returned from continental
tour, was asked how he liked the ruins of
Pompeii. mot very WE'LL" was the re-
ply; they are so dreadfully out of re-
pair"
ROBERT BONNER did well in offering
| S100,000 for horse, but he is not by any
means the greatest horse buyer in history.
| Richard III. bid a much higher price, al
though it is true there was a panic in the
horse market at that time tilaeleLp hia
Press.
THE anthracite coal fields of Pennsyl-
vania underlie 40 square miles of ground.
About $40,000,000 has been absorbed in
mining capital, about the same sum in
canals, and $70,000,000 in railroads, both
being constructed almost solely as means
of transportation for coal. Nearly all this
property is in possession of three great
corporations; but there are also about 200
small companies. The coal sent into the
market amounts to about 100000 tons
per annum.
A YOUNG lawyer was examining bank
rupt as to how he had spent his money.
There were about two thousand dollars
unaccountcd for, when the attorney put
on severe scrutiniZing face, and eXclaim-
ed with much self-complacency, Now,
Sir, want you to tell this court and jury
how you used those two thousand dollars u
The bankrupt put on a seriO-comic face,
winked at the audience, and exclaimed
"Thc lawyers got that" The Judge and
the audience were convulsed with laugh
ter, and the counselor was glad to let the
bankrupt go.
UPoN Caleb Gushing a spinstcr poetess
of Newburyport once wrote an epigram-
matte cpltaph, as follows:
| Lay aside al We dead,
| For in the no Xt bed
| Rep0scs the body of Cushing:
| He has crowded his way
| Through the world. they say,
And, even though dead, will be pushing"
My. Cushing wrote the following re
joinder:
! Here lies one whose wit
| Without wOunding could hit.
And green grows the grass that's above her;
| Having sent every beau
| To the regions below,
| She has gone down herself for n lover
INFAILIBLE RECEIPTs.-To remove
frecklcs, cut them out with razor ant
mOustache, tie it to strong cord, twenty
feet long, to the other end of which at
tach heavy smoothing iron, and throw
the latter from fourth story window
To get rid of red hair, hold your head fol
a few moments in Il strong blaze of gas
TO preserve your eyes, put them in
bottle filled with alcohol. To avoit
corpulence, quit eating. To conceal YOU
teeth, keep your mouth shut. To keel
out of debt, acquire the reputation of ,
rascal and no one will trust you.
"DID You ever see one of these her,
hoop-snakes?' asked Mr.. Ferguson. IN,
and my hired man was down there in The
home lot, by the side of the road, and W.
see something rolling down the hill, and
says |, Il guess that must be one of then
hoop snakes coming along My hired man
he was aicercd, and elm up a tree; but
took my hoe in my hand, and went out ant
stood side of II tree i'm the road, and whel
he come along | stuck out the hoe handle
and he hit it a slap, and he made a nois,
just like pistol; and, sir, it warn't mOre'I
a.minit afOrc that are hOe-handlc wa
swelled up as big as my leg"