The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1869-12-09
DAILY PRESS.
ND
Thursday Morning, December 8, 1859.
The sorrowfai story ofn Reporter.
PORTLAND

The sOrrOwfal story of n Reporter.
MIR. James Duffy was the offspring of poor
but otherwise honest parents, who instilled
into his mind many moral precepts, and
threw around him more kindly parental in
fiuences than you could get anywhere else in
| a week.
Jim was the child of their hope, and often
when bis mother tucked him into his bed at
night she would bend down over him and
gently kiss his fair forehead and push back
his golden hair, while in the far future her
loving eyes thought they saw her only jim
| going about doing good to his fellow men,
and carrying blessing with him as he went
through life
Thus did this tender parent think she saw
Jim, but she evidently hadn't her hand in at
second sight. She was a selt-sacrifcing wo-
man and a good housekeeper, but as a gazer
into the future she was complete failure.
For although Jim had been brought up in
| the way he should go, when he got old he de-
parted from it, and branched out into another
line. He blasted his mothers hopes and dis
honored his fathers gray hairs by becoming a
local reporter.
That was his strong point; if there was any
| one thing on which he could spread himself
| with sense of hearty enjoyment, it was local
| reporting. When he was baby he would
| lay awake in his cradle, and instead of play
| ing with his toes, he would cry until you'd
| think he'd burst a blood vessel if he couldn't
| get his regular daily Journal to play WITH
After while he went to school,and he would
| sit there on the bench depressed aud out of
heart hour after hour, until the copy-books
were handed around, when he would pick up
his pen with tender joy and go in on heavy
| headlines. 9s'Ffss
1t made no difference whatever to Jim
Duffy what the copy was. 1t might be, "Con-
tentment is better than wealth." or "Perse-
verance cOnquers all things" or "Virtue is its
own reward" or any other old moral false
hood, it was perfectly immaterial to Mr.. Duff
| fy, for his instincts were strong; he could no
| more help side long dashes across sheet of
paper with such copies as Disastrous confa-
| grafton is good thing" or ga brutal atrocity
| is always to be desired"-he could no more
help this, say, than you could help saying
"yes" if anybody asked you to take thou
| sand dollar bill when you were poor and de-
serted by your friends.
He never spoke of summer simply as "sum-
| mer;" it was matter of religious principle
with him to characterize it as the cheated
| term," and when he wanted to express win
| ter he called it the "cool SPELL"
If he went to Sunday school he would
| come home and creep into his mothers lap
| and lay his head upon her breast, and tell heI
| what he had seen. But he did not express
| ulilScll Ill Tic pTdttlc Vi
| on the contrary, he would say, "The exercises
passed off with great eclat; the elite of the
city were there, and the chief feature of the
occasion was the magnificent eoncourse OF
| sweet sounds which was deliciously discours-
ed by the charming young lady at the melo-
deon." -
These strong proclivities in Jim were de.
veloped in his childhood, and although his
mother still cherished hope that she would
| one day see him at the head of the Society fol
the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Jim
was doomed to reach depths of degradation at
which even an ordinary plaster paris ange
might weep and shudder.
| As soon as he grew up he took a job at five
dollars a week as reporter on the Daily
| Exaggerator. His mother shed gallons on
/ gallons of actual tears, and his gray-headed
sire told him that localing was necessarily
low calling; but James was immovable, and
he stated to his gIay-headed sire that if he
didn't get out of the way there would be
material furnished for an item on filial impi
| ETY..
And Jim was a good local reporter, ant
the only thing he cared for on this side of thu
cold and silent grave was an item. Give hin
only one item and he would swell up over !
until he would rip all the side seams in hi
clothes. For that was his weakness.
Ard he educated himself up to such pitcl
that he would fairly gloat over human misery
If man was only run over by milk wagon
and mangled so that he couldn't bulge, jim
would feel good, and benign and happy. Ant
if any stray boy or other went around any
where where the attraction of gravitatiOI
was strong, and fell off four-story house an,
dislocated his neck, and expired on the pave
ment, Jim Dufy's heart would expand will
bliss, and he would make it his particular
business to send around and give ten cen
stamp to missionary society as thank of
fering 1t seemed cruel, but it was his nature
And if some man would butcher fellow
creature, James would feel so overjoyed tha
he would leave his work and go out and sac
rifice to some idol or other, just to relieve hi
feelings and express his sense of gratitude.
Jim was so low-spirited when items wer
scarce that he felt as if he must make som
active exertion to kill dull care and max
1 way with melancholy. And what do yo
think Jim Duffy did in this emergency P
Why he would get hold of little child an,
take it upon his knee, and caress it and tell
fairy stories about good little boy who wa
stricken with early piety to such an alarmin
extent that he felt it to be his religious dut
to 90 up into the cockloft and start fir
among the old rags. Then Jim Duffy woul
give him box of matches and send hir
home, and he would get out his note boo
and follow him, and prowl around the cor
| ners until he saw the smoke, when he woul
rush down to the Office and let himself OF
over piece of paper with "A Terrific Cent;
gration-Fearful Destruction of Property
Supposed Work of an Incendiary," and the
he would amuse himself exaggerating IL
| price of the house that was burned.
And you know he never felt any remors
over this. He actually revelled in it, an
considered that he was advancing the caus
of civilization and Christianity.
Every now and then he would take tri
into the country in order to mediate upo
the beauties of Nature, he said, but it was
singular fact that whenever he left tow
there was always a frightful railroad accider
| in the very identical rural district into whic
switches and tied logs ON the tracks, but b
never alluded to himself, although it was con
sidered remarkable that he was always th
first reporter on the ground.
When Jim paid attentions to young VIC
man he would sit all serene and felicitous il
order to sooth her and calm her fears, unit
he saw his chance, when he would upset ha
dozen chairs, and spill some red paint Of
the carpet, to represent gore. Then he woul
rush out and tell the girl a pack of first clas
falsehoods about a fight with burglar, an
the next morning you might pick up tn
Erdggerdt0r and you would see a two col
umn account of desperate conflict with
| ruffian-Heroic conduct of our reporter.
But Jim Duffy thought no more of tellin
falsehoods than if it wasn't sin, for he felt
to he part of his ordinary business, and
knew he must have his regular item or
would die.
And when Jim's father died Jim laid O
beside his bedside and pretended to be weel
ing, while he watched for the old man
. blow his last breath, and when he died Jim
face lighted up with happiness, and he ra
4 to his office and scratched out half colum
headed "Another old and respectable citize
gone"
He absolutely wished he had a hundr,
fathers, SO that he might write an obitua
every week.
But at last his own time came, and Ji
Duffy was about to die. He wasn't partic
afraid, Notwithstanding all his falsehoods 1
he knew it would fill the column; SO he SCI
all his relatives down stairs, and got his a
sistant reporter to stand by him, and ma,
him swear that he would Eot give the item
any other paper, and with serene. smile {
his face, he yielded up his life, and Jim Duf
| was no more.
' His will was full of items. He desired thi
}. they should put the last edition OF the Era!
geratOr in his coffin, and bury him with II
church service that had the most superatlN
adjectives in it.
This was all done, and it is fair to suppo.
that Jims spirit will now be at rest, unle
? 4 something of a startling nature occurs in I'll
\ spirit world, when you can safely bet he wi
| be rushing around among the mediums an
knocking on old tables and chairs, so as to G,
the item into the Exaggerator.-Boston Gt
I zette.