The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1869-02-22
ABOUT LOVE AND MAR.
! = '-I'@ RI!AGE. -g ~

lock Is the ~ hunkldori' of'a gushing
maids spoony fellow. A fellow sees a
gal; she sees him T; they blow their noses
at each other silent blows Of both 'em
both sigh like a sick crab; both heaye
their bosems |; then they cast expressive
glances into each others terrestrial orbs
they &c: foggy around their lips, aud-wi,h.
tremor pant; it is a gentle tremor, and
there will be more of it anon; time pass:
es-just one time, because the next day
the lovely houri gets on her best scolloped
buttoned whaticoat, all embroidered with
white thing-a-lnagigs, and frescoed with
a whole quartofgussets, puts some night
blooming lard on her head, sticks holly
hook in her hair, clothes.line hanging
down .hcr back, squcezes in her waist,
chalks the back Of her ears, rubs some
red copal varnish on her cheeks to make
EN- look like the gentle zephyrs had kiss
ed 'em, greases her swan-like neck, rubs
a little charcoal too 'h-powdcr on her Sun
day set Of teeth, then looks in the mirror
and bushes the color Of blind lobster
at the thought Of how much sweetness is
being lost upon tho desert air, She
twists around to see if the back of her
dress is allhooked up, and then size takes
her queenly form to walk, and looks so
majestic, that one would never dream that
such an angel would condesccnd to eat
pork and beans, or had bunions.
The Teller gets on his new filings, has
Eve cents worth Of blarking put on bis
boots, borrows a gold chain, hires ring
with green diamond in it big enough
to anchor a rox.boa,, takes bath, cuts
lis nails, ,parcs bis corns, ticklcs bis
throat with whisky sours," asks his boss
ifhc might go 10 the library. and looking
as Aushed Is billed clam, and as pious as
fgurellcad Of a canal.boat; lle starts
out to walk, and OF the bewitchiDg hour
Of AGO ?. NJ, The female and the male,
in all the glory Of their brotllcrhoods,
tsect just where they met before. It's
intuition got 'em there-a kinder mystic
magnetism Or spiritual heart mumps.
Their glances met somehow between the
two. He stops and looks at nice pair
Of pants,n window; she gazcs at cor
set shop. This is s,rategy. Neither wants
the other to know that each came there
t, see the other. The Teller finally starts
on his tour again, and She does the same.
They pass each other as majestic rs u
couple Of mud turtles; both laugh; and
their eyes twist away round Over their
shoulders; both turn and look at each
other until both get so far they amt
afraid and then she draws her billed rag
across her lips, and he kisses his knuck..
les at her. ~ H.. .ssi nm. 81
Well. the sun sets in its orbit, and day
follows day, and they keep this agoing
until Just as his boss begins to think he
is getting loo fond Of the library, they
speak to each other, and she commences
to get him. She gets him to call, and let's
him smell The sweet stuff on her chain.
He thinks its her breath. and that she's
.an angel aud feeds on tube roses. She
calls him dear Alphonso, praises his mar
bic brow and speuks Of his Oriental eyes
and Grecan nose. lie lns hole in one
check big enough for skating pond,
which she calls dilnple. The wart on
bis hand she calls liillcck Of loveliness.
Then she makes a muller Of her arms,
and puts It around his neck and rolls up
her eyes like sick goldfish. lie sings
the gal around heavy. lie brings her
billed ichcstnuts and whole quarts Of
slirimps; goes to matinecs and the min
strels; takes moonlight walks; sits on the
cps; teaches her astronomy writes po-
ctry; calls her his heavenly duck, bis
Arabian pcppergrnss, bis sweetness, his
bird Of Paradise; bis Edenly geranium
until, some night when she pats his
head and strokes his hair until she gets
his brain turned inside out, down on the
Brussels carpet goes both knees, his bands
clasped together like hc was going to
swim. and he casts his eyes Upward and
says. -a7 saiis1 .ade
evil you have me ~ ~ Va
The triumphant damsel replies:
ooh! Alplonso, how sudden, l dc.
clare" - y
Yet she don't put her answer ofT-not
"muchly.' She's got him just where she
wants hin. Give him time To think,
he'd probably never make such darn
fool OF himself again, bekasc this wedlock
business. when viewed in n philosophical
light, is nothing more than a man becom-
ing possessed Of the insane idea that he'd
rather pay board for two Cor two doscn)
than for one.
Now the Teller has his foot in it. she
calls lis attention to breacl, Of pio1ise
cases in the papers. She has him faster
than slIun'aker gum. Next day she tells
every gal she knows that sllp's ingaged,
and nakcs them vow they won't say a
word about it. llc-roor cuss don't
30, that fatal night, more than half
block before he knows lie has made u
dnrned fool Of himself, and his face wears
an expression like unto Teller who has
esigned himself to taking dose of cas-
tor oil. She sets the time and he tries 10
bitch it off but she gets in on him, calls
l.. L. 4. Il .