The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-06-19
Jhe Albaug gegjstrr.
SATURDAY, JUNE 10, 1869.
VARIOUS ITEMS.

pardon his enemy.
Does dancing on the green sward
make one grasshopper.
Punctuality begets confidence, and is
the direct and sure road to honor and re-
spect.
Storms are generally mystery; but
you can always see the drift of a snow
storm.
When the thermometer falls, how
often, OIL an average, does it break.
Beastly weather-When it rains cats
and dogs.
Do people grow foolish when they lose
their wisdom teeth.
To ascertain the weight of horse,
put your toe under his foot
Does a fish ever sleep? and, if not,
what was the use of making bed to the
sea?
The State of Alabama gives $4,000
to the widow of each person assassinated
in that State. Husbands arc getting
anxious
Charles City, Iowa, has Lazy Club,
one of whose members was recently ex-
PEELED for yawning too energetically.
While some boys were at play recent
ly, a ball struck an urchin in the eye,
and forthwith another bawl came out of
his mouth.
Mormon missionaries are zealously Ia
boring in New England, and claim that
many families will go to Salt Lake the
present spring.
Kind words are among the brightest
flowers of earth /; they convert the humb-
lest home into paradise. Use them un-
sparingly, especially around the firesidc.
An Albany tippler swallowed chip
from molasses cask with glass Of gin
and molasses, the other day, and it kill
ed him. Terrible warning against the
use of molasses.
A young man absconded from San
Francisco the other day with several
thousand dollars of his employers money.
His departure is chronicled as the "Pacif-
ic Slope
A white boy met colored lad the other
| day, and asked him what he had such
a short nose for. "I spect's SO it won't
poke itself IN other peoples business"
/ Gentleman, observing a servant girl,
who was left-handed, placing the knives
and forks on the dinner table in the same
awkward position, remarked to her that
she was laying them left-handed. "Oh,
indade! !" said she, sssoI have. Be plas-
ed, sir, to help me turn the table round r
We know the effects of many things
but the causes of few; experience, there
fore, is a surer guide than imagination
and inquiry than conjecture. But those
physical difficulties which you cannot &C.
count for, be very slow to arraign, for he
that would be wiser than nature, would
be wiser than God.
| "What is your consolation in this
| life 2" asked clergyman of young girl
in bible class that he was catechising
The young lady blushed and hesitated
evil you tell me p urged the clergy
man. "I don't want to tell his name,
said the ingenious maiden tbut I've nj
objections to telling you where he lives
When young lady who hasn't got the
dyspepsia, or isn't homesick, gives utter
ance ever FIVE minutes to q sigh as dec
as well, it may be taken as pop sur
she is in love. The sooner young maj
orders hack for the parsons the bette
for the lady, and very likely himself
There is generally but one cure for thcs
ills.
How may this paper be placed SO tha
; two persons may stand on it at the sam
time without seeing or touching eac
otherY Place it on the Threshold an
shut the door.
Sambo had been whipped for stealth
his masters onions. One day b
brought skunk in his arms. Says h
"Massa, here's de chap dat steal th
onions. Whew! smell him BRET !"
It is said that farmers made more clea
profit on sheep in the last four year
!. than on any other stock, notwithstanding
the low price of wool and mutton.
Mrs. Creedon, whose husband recentl
died Of hydrophobia, in Cincinnati, hi
commenced suit against the owner Of tI
i dog, laying her damages at $4,000.
r The monument to Humboldt, in Il
New York Central Park, win be = bron,
! bust about four feet high, and. will |
IS placed on 4 stone column Of height