The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1869-10-21
JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
AUTCGRAFF LETTERS.

AUTOGRAPH LETTERS.
Dear Son Thare never was a good and
reliable critick who want a writer himself.
this ackOunts for the CRATE number of crit
icks and for the inferiOrity ov them
JosH BILLINGS
Dear Bin: Marrid life haz its flip hops,
and its. flip flams, but hav noticed one
thing. out ov the north east corner ov my
well eye. aud it il this, good husbands most
al~us make good wives.
JOSH BILLINGS.
Dear Dare: Americans, az a lump, are
skin deep edukated. daily paper and
tooth pick complete their ethicks, but tew
fall he'd fust out ov a six story windo and
strike IN their feet, tew insure their lives for
the benefit Ov the widder. and then hunt for
ack.idents, tew build pAcifck rale rodes.
break mules. and convert injuns, they are a
sure footed people.
Americans hav menny faults. but most
ov them are ov their own invenshun. but /
never hav seen a native yet that ye could
hire to tend gide board.
JOSH Billings
Dear Dan: Babys are the best gift ov
heaven, the devil sows tsres, but the Lord
sows babys.
A house without n baby in it, il like a
kandle without emmy wick, it wont light up,
the wife liz fastidious, and fretful, and the
husband IL az lonesum and useless az gan
der amung flJck oV hen turkeys.
JOSH BILLINGS.
Dear Fred: If you are looking for soli-
tuds 20 TO City.
Every boldly thare IL bizzy with their own
thoughts. cares. and pl,zzures. they haint
got the time tew motifs eveE th0se who want
tew be notised. but if yu covet solitude in
the kuntry yu do it at the risk Ov being
feared bi some. suspected bi others, and har-
raised bi ALL
A man may liv 10 years in Nu York City
and be known only to biz landlady and
washwoman, while in a kuntry village he
kant liv six months in peace if evry boldly
don't know who makes hiz shirts.
JOSH BILLINGS.
Dear Frank: Fear iz an evidence ov a
small intelleckt and true courage Ov a largo
one. There iz this difference between pride
and vanity. pride respeckts itself, vanity
praizes itself. Faith IL not a mock impulse,
but live one geuowlne faith IL like pep
per sass, it knows it's own strength and don:
nibble, but bites. JOSH BILLINGS.
Dear Phil: The most valuable ov awl the
household animals il the brindle COW. They
are compuzed entirely Of vittles and drink,
! shoe leather ana hOTn-tOoth combs Thew
! are the poor mans necessity and the ritch
mans luxury. They hold the original pat
/ ent for butter and ice-kream. They are
/ free fom malice az = sister ov charity. Their
| Importance don't make them feel big. They
are mothers-in-law to every mans baby. If
] i had the making Cv stattews it should be
misdemeanor tew SASS COW, and tew abuse
one psnitentiaIy Offcuse.
JOSH BnLIXGs.
Dear Hen l hav got but one opinyun
| (nor never had but one) about ''Wimmins'
Rights" / think they hav perfeckt right
| tew be chaste and butIful tew be mothers
| ov warriors and statesmen; tew be the gent
| lest, purest, sweetest and most graceful crea-
lures yet created tew toe the power behind
the throne tew be pilIo ov down for the
! aking head ov man, and halo ov glory to
| sdorn hiz achievements tew be just what
/ God gave them the rare privilege tew be,
! companyuns, friends sWeethearts. wives and
/ mothers, first in the hearts ov man and last
| at the polls. JOSH BILLINGS.
Dear Pete Bad spelin' IL misfortune,
not an accomplishment, and the misfortune
| iz. that menny folks " no don't kno any bet
| ter, think thare IL humUr in 1t. There Il DO
more real humor in spelling twisted than
| thare liz in looking cross eyed. The man who
deliberately kultivates bad spellin IL no bet
ter than him who sews weeds. / am sorry
for what bad spells have passed through,
aud am sorry for what may pass through
hereafter, and would be glad tew quit now,
/ for one reason, if no other, and that IL, i
| don t want tew cater to emmy mans taste,
whose opinyun idou't respeckt. Thuze who
cant see no humor in what write, but in
! the stomak axe az those who form a ring
! around bear, and alligator, and while
they hurrah for both, don't acktually care
six inches which whips. But when mau
once pulls on the cap and bells, no matter
whether they beckum him or not, the world
will insist upon his wearing them. however
they pretend tew regret it. Human nAtur
! il kurious woven web. and thsre is one
| little malishus thread. away down in the
warp of it and telz this-it don't fdtter emmy
Of US 10 see a man repent on has phoOlishness.
JcsH BILLS GS.