The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1869-02-25

NUMBER 19.
Olla.Podridn

a wit being requested "to say a
good thing" laconieally responded,
"0ysters p i
Why is an oculist like an e1tompo.
raneous vcrs6er 2 Because he can
improve eyes Omproyise)
Where is money frst mentioned in
the Bible2 Where the dove brought
the green back to Noah.
California papers note the death Of
a Scotch terrier which crossed the
plains to tho Pacific coast more thau
twenty years ago.
The complexion Of tho "Cirl of
tho Period is said by Loadoa Fan
to liter from railway season tickct
in this, that one is, and the other is
not transferable.
A student who was riding, being
jcered for wearing but one spur, said
that II one side Ell his horse went on,
it was not likely that tic other
would stay behind
The Daily Press Of Augusta, Ca,
respectfully suggests to its southern
exchanges that "tho task of ridicu-
ling aud abusing Mrs3 Liucold be
left to the northern press
-Four daughters oca wealthy Ber-
lin banker were recently married to
as many brothers. The wedding fes.
tivities were simple, the principals
having agreed that the necessary sum
for a slyl lsh wedding should bo Civ en-
to the poor.
a cotemporary says il woman
wants to got her maine in tho news
papers as" beautiful, fascinating aud
accomplished. let her elopo or other
wiso make fool Of herself
A Minnesota paper speaks OF CO.
temporary as the nondescript con.
Germ which is published by tho "se-
nile singer Of unsavOry English and
crazy crotchets."
Professor Liebig assures us that
l4GO quarts OF the best Bayariau
beer contains exactly the nourish,
meut Of two and n half pound loaf
of bread. This beer is similar to the
famous English .Rlsop's, aud our
more popular American beer,
States Prison Inspector Rhodes of
New York, was once told that he
couldn't if he wished, find Demo
cratic minister to ofliciato as chaplain
of Auburn prison, and it is said bis
reply was, "l'll have a Democratic
minister if / have to go to hi for
him"
A Scotch clergyman was talking
very seriously to II parishioner about
drinking, and hoped he had produced
some effect. Aud so he had, for the
parishonor said, "Ye're right, cir (;
wtiskoy's bad thing, sspeoislIy bad
whiSkey."
Tho other day young lady step
ped into a well.known establishment
on Baltimore street, aud inquired OF
a handsome clerk "Sir, have you
any -colored ladies' gloves ?''-
"Mouse colored, Miss ?" ayes, a
sort of grcy-just the color Of your
drawers" meaning tho store draw
ers, which were painted grey. "My
drawers, Miss" calculated tho young
man, glancing down ut his dress to
see if everything was right and tight.
"My drawers, Miss why, / don't
tcear any !"
SELL IT YoURsELF.-A boy was
sent from Groton to New London,
Connecticut, one day last summer,
with a bag Of green corn to sell. Tie
was gone all day, and returned with
the bag unopened, which he dumped
on the floor, saying; There is your
corn, 60 and sell it yourself--I can't
I've been all over New london with
it, and nobody said anything about
green corn. Two or three fellows
asked mo what l had in my bag, and
| told them it was Louo Of their busi-
ness" This reminds one of business
men, to be found in every commuui-
ty, who do not or will not recognize
the benefit of advertising their busi-
ness.
A Yankee and a Fronchman owned
pig in co.partnership. When kill.
ing time came, they wished to divide
the carcass. The Yankee was anx-
ious to divide, so that ho could get
both hindquarters, and persuaded
the Frenchman that the proper way
to divide was to cut it across tho
back. The Frenehman agreed to it
on condition that the Yankee would
turn his back and take choice of the
piece after it was cut in the two. The
Yankee turned his back, and the
Frenchman asked: "Vich peece will
you have? ze peece vid dc tail on
him, or de peece vat ain't got no tail
on?" 1.-THE piece with the tail !"
shouted the Yankee, instantly, "Den,
by gar, you take him, and take 20
cd, T" said the Frenchman. Upon
turning round, the Yankee found
that the Frenchman had cut tho tail
of aud stuck it in the pigs mouth.
A rural lawyer, whom VIC shall
designate as Squire Joyial, once had
an important ease in a country court
and the decision depended entirely in
the way the jury would regard the
testimony ofono lady. He lost the
case because the fair witness swore
positively TO an occurrence which
she Witnessed at the distance Of sew
eral rods, although there we're sever.
al persons who stood much nearer
than she, that saw nothing whatever
of it. The old squire looked rather
blue when the jury brought in their
verdict, but reVenged himself by ris-
ing and telling the court a story of'a
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