The Van Buren press., 1869-02-16

huu tue NeN Ln8iaNu Catpet o&R8SS coSs.
ries me there. J wrinkle aud haw-hsw
Il can't help it-~heu the gentlewan %
the paper dickey, from New England.
gravely takes his seat As representative
from the South -. 49,. ....af....t
~Better cut the South into provincsss
and give them military governors TO keep
the pesce until the negro is educated. tbs
white master subdusd, and time. the con-
selor, heals the wounds Of war. than thus
to make esricatuEe Of representative
government, and stultify ourselves"
How xArk 1vais vas Sold II Newark.
Ths Newark Prns contains the follow.
ing exposition Of what Mark Twain terms
!" A Wicked Fraud" perpetrsted on Kim
during his recent lecturing visit ~ that
city:
II 10 seldom pleasant TO tell on ones
self, but sometimes it is q sort OF relief
to q man to make . SD confession.
wish to unburden my mind nov, and yet
] almost believe that ! am moved to do
it more because long to bring csnsure
upon another man than because desire
TO pour hahn upon my wounded heart
(I don't know what balm is, but ! believe
1t is the correct expression to use In this
connection never having seen any balmj
You may remember that l lectursd In
Newark lately for the young gentlemen
Of tho Clayonisn Society," ] did, ct any
rate. During the afternoon Of that day
/ was talking with one of the young gen.
tlemen just referred to, and he said he had
an uncle who, from some cause OF other,
seemed to have grown permanently bereft
Of oil emotions, And with tears in his
eyes this young man said: 80 easI
"Oh, IL could only see him laugh
once more Oh, If could only see hin
weep" Ply ise
l wss touched, could nerer withstsnd
distress, I said: - aA as 8
Bring him 70 ny lecture. III start
him for you"
"Oh, II could but do Il! n you
could but do il, all our family would bless
you forever more--for he Is very dear to
us. Oh, my benefsctoY. can you make
him laugh : can you bring soothing tears
to those parched orbs2"
was profoundly moved. Isaid
my son, bring the old party around.
] have got some jokes In the lecture that
will make him laugh if there Is any laugh
in him--and ifthey miss FIRE hsvs got
some others thatll make him cry or kiA
him, one or the other"
The young man blessed me, and ueps
on my neck, and blew bic nose on my
coat tail, and went after bis uncle. He
placed him in full view, in the second rev
OF benches that night, and / began on
him. tried him with mild Jokes then
with severe ones; dosed him with bad
jokes and rittiied him With good ones; ]
filed old stale joker into him, aud pep.
peYed him fore and aft with red hot new
ones; ! warmed up to my work, and a
saulted him on the right and left, In front
and behind; fumed and sweatei, and
charged and routed till was hoarse and
sick. aud frantic and furious--but never
moved him once--I never started emile
or tear! Never ghost of smile, and
never a suspicion OF moisture! was
astounded closed the lecture At last
with one despsiring shriek--with one
wild burst of humor--and hurried joke
Of supernatural atrocity full at him. i
never phased him! Then satdown be.
wildered and exhausted.
The President Of the society came up
and bathed my head with cold water, and
said Dps
"What made you carry on so toward
the last 2" I'd
said ! was trying TO make that con.
founded old fool laugh in the second
row"
And he said "Well you were wasting
your time---becausc be is deaf aud dumb;
and as blind a. badger" u
Now was that any way for that old
mans nephew to impose on stranger
and an orphan like mef ! simply ask
you as man and a brother, il that was
any way for him to dos '''se =
Class 0riSIoSs.--It may add to the in,
tsrest with which our readers will peruss
this fable to know that it IS from the pen
Of Charles Dickens
Alamb straysd for the frat time into tie
woods, and excited much discussion auony
other animals. Ia mined company, ons
day. when no became the ssbiscs OF triund-
ly gossip, the goat praised hir,. tg
/" Pooh = said the lion, I" this is too ah.
surd The beast Il pretty beast enough.
but did you hear him roar heard him
rosr. and by the names OF my fathers. whes
he rosrs no does nothing bat cry ba-s-sf H
Aud tho lion blsatsd his best in mooksry,
but blested far from we'll
"Nsy.' said the deer. ~ do not think
30 badly OF his voice. liked him veil
enough ill saw him lap He kicks With
his hind less in running. and, with oil HE
skipping. gets ovsr very little ground. :,
/. is bad beast altogether" said the
tiger. "He cannot roar. he cannot ran. b
can do no,hng--and what wonder /
killed man yesterday. and. in politsness
to tho new conner. offered him . bit upon
which no had the impotence to look die.
gusted, and say, No. sir. ! eat nothing
but grsss.'" fA 0' '.AtaAAsA r Y ~ n
So tho beasts criticised the lamb. each 10
his own way sud ~. il was good lsmb.
nevertheless. ~ T.,
STRETCH 1T LlTrLE, IA little girl and
her little brother were on their way TO
the store the other morning. The grase
on the common was white with frostand
the wind was very sharp. They were
4 L. Ill