The Portland daily press., 1869-02-11
Keen Satire ON me Omnibus Railroad
BilI-A Chicago scheme 90 Match IL.

The Chicago Post wants to add as rider
Transverse Oblong, Circular, Convex, and
Multiplication Table Land Grant and Interest
guaranteed Railroad Scheme" an act "to fa-
cilits.e direct communication with China by a
Tpanel, running directly through the bowels
Of the earth, via Chicago and the dominions of
His Majesty the Devil" Foreseeing opposi-
ton to this enterprise for the public benefit
from narrow-minded men like Sumner, Trum-
bull and Washburne, it proposes the following
plan for grand Cancellation:
We shall ccnciliate Mr. Summer as Mr.
Seward conciliated him respecting the Alaska
purchase, by giving him an opportunity to air
his scholarship by showing that he knows all
about the topography and geological forma-
ton of the sulphurous country through which
We shall conciliate Seward by assuring him
that the first mail which goes through the
tunnel shall bear communication to bis Sa-
tanic Majesty proposing negotiations for the
purchase and annexation of his d0mini0ns.
We shall conciiiate old Beelzebub, and se-
cure the right of way through his kingdom
prior to examination, by assuring him that
Andy has an interest in our scheme. He'll
never go back on an old friend.
We shall conciliate the Lake Superior Cop
per interest by getting the Copper Tariff bill
through Congress, and lining the tunnel with
copper purchased at their mines.
We shall conciliate the Pennsylvania iron
men by providing that no foreign iron shall be
used in laying tracks through the tunnel.
We shall conciliate Wpolley and his Ring
by a provision putting the whiskey tax back to
two dollars, and getting the Celestials drunk
three times day on the smuggled products Of
American stills.
We shall conciliate Randall and Farnsworth
by giving Wells, Fargo 8 Co., the contract at
their own figure for carrying the mail to Chi
ma, and scattering it along the tunnel at pleas
ure.
We shall conciliate Train by giving him the
contract for lighting the tunnel with sslf-gen-
Grating gas. -.Fa -a
We shall conciliate Nasty and his brother
Democrats by giving them the Mugby juno
tion and corner groceries in the tunnel.
We shall conciliate JEFF. Davis by displacing
Beelzebub, and placing him at the head Of the
rebellion down there.
We shall conciliate Cady Stanton by giving
her place in our Chicago Cabinet
We shah conciiiate II. G. by imposing Eve
hundred per cent duty upon all goods freight
We shall oonciliate T. w. by promising him
the control of the appointments in the place
where III. G.. hopes he is about to 60.
Wa shall conciliate Fisk 8 Gould BY con.
solidating the Tunnel with the Erie Railroad
and giving them the benefit of the rise.
We shall conciliate Andy by giving him an
opportunity to veto our bill.
We shall conciliate Ben Butler by permit
ting him to engineer the passage of the bill
over the Presidents veto.
We shall conciliate Grant in the only posi-
BILE way-the same as Booth coneiliated Lin
| coin. A-
We shall conciliate Old Economy--wen, we
hardly know how we shall eonciliate him, and
until we can discover way we shall be com
| PEELED, reluctantly, to postpone the accom-
| plishment of our little job.