Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1869-11-05
Josh Billings on the District school,
master.

Josh Billings on the Distrtct SCHOOLS
master.
Thare il one man in this basement
world, that alwas look upon with MKT
pheelings ov pity and respect.
Pity and respect, az a genral mixtur.
don't mix well.
You will find them both travelling
around amung folks, but not often grow
ing on the same bush.
w hen they do hug each other, they
mean sumthing.
Pity, without respeckt hain't got
much more oats in it than disgust haz. :
But thare il one man in this world to
whom | always take oph mi hat and re-
main uncovered until he gifts safely by,
and that il the distrikt skoolmaster.
When | meet him | look upon him az
a martyr just returned from the stake, or
on hiz wav there tew be cooked.
He leads more lonesum and single
life than an old bachelor, and more
anxious one than an old maid.
He is remembered just about as long
and affektionately az glide board IL by
travelling pack pedlar.
If undertakes tew make hiz skollars
luv him, the chances are he will neglekt
their farming, and if be don't lick them
now and then pretty often, they will soon
lick him.
The distrikt skoolmaster hain't got
friend on the flat side ov earth. The
boys SNOWFALL him during recess; the
girls put water in biz hair die; and the
skool committee make him work for baf
the money a bartender gifts, and board
hi m around the naborhood where they
give him rhy coffee, sweetened with mo-
lasses, lew drink, and kodfish hawls three
times day for viitles.
And, with all this abuse, never heard
ov distrikt skoolmaster swearing emmy
thing louder than Coadena at.
Don't talk tew me about the pashunce
ov anshunt job. Job had pretty plenty
ov biles all over him, no doubt, but they
were all ov one breed.
Every yung one in distrikt skool w
bile ov different breed, and each one
needs diffrent kind ov pouItiss to git a
good head on them.
A distrikt skool master, who drz a
square job and takes biz Goldfish balls rev.
erently, IL better man TO day tew bav
Icing around loose than Solomon would
be arrayed in all ov biz glory.
Solomon wuz better at writing proverbs
and managing a large family, than he
would be tew navigate distrikt SIX col
hous.
Emmy man who has kept distrkt
skool for ten years, and boarded around
the naberhood, ought to be made ma
ger gnvral, aud hav penshun for
he rest ov biz MATERIAL days, and
boss and Vaughn tew do biz going around
in.
But az general consequence, a dis
trikt skoolmaster bain't got emmy more
warm friends than an old blind fox hound
haz.
He IL just about az welcome az a tax
gatherer.
He il respected good deal az man
IL whom we owe debt ov so dollars to,
and don't mean to pay.
liz SOSo lufouSu itiC OH q OdSh iOdus 40 |
poor az wood sled, and finally il miss
ed, but whatever bekums ov his rema n !,
| can't tell.
Fortunately, he is not often sensitive
man; If he waz he couldn't any more
keep distrikt skool than he could file
kross kut saw.
VIII IL it that these men and win
men, who pashuntly and with crazed
brain teach our remorseless brats the
tejus meaning ov the alphabet, who take
the fust welding heat on their deslinys,
who lay the stepping stones and enkur-
rage them TO mount upwards, whj hav
done more hard and mean work than
emmy klass on the futstool, who have
prayed over the reprobate, strengthened
the timid, restrained the outrageous, and
f1attered the imbecile, who hav lived on
kodfsh aud vile coffee, and hain't been
heard tew sware-u hi IL it that they are
treated like a vagrant fiddler, danced TO
for night, paid oph in the morning, and
eagerly forgotten?
had rather burn coal pit, or keep
the fys out ov butchers shop in TIE
munth Of August. than NEEDLE with the
distrikt skool Dizziness.