The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
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Airs of illionaires.
- The lost Caws--Absence of
crows.
-. School ma'am-"Now, children,
who loves all menu" Children-"You,
Missus."
- An old bachelor says he disikes
young married couples, because they
are apt to give themselves heirs.
"John did you ever bet on
horse race Pr mo: but have seen my
sister Bet on an old mare J"
"A ST. Louis newspaper heads an
g editorial about Indians-"The Gentle
men Without Hats"
- One of the most curious things
is. that a watch should keep perfectly
drv when it has running spring i'll
side.
A man being asked as he lay sun
ming himself in the grass, what was the
heiSht of his ambition, replied "To
marry rich widow with bad cough
Digby says that gold is SO plenty
in Oregon, that brass kettles and tin
pans will be made of it before the last
Fourth of July comes again.
- little four-yeal old, striving to
impress his sister with the vast quan-
tity of something he would give her
said, 'sTurn the sky over and Will NIL
it full"
- The reason-An uncle, by his
will, left to his nephew eleven silver
Spoons, adding, ST have not left him
the dozen, he knows the reason" The
fact was, the nephew had some time be-
fore stolen spoon from the uncle.
- A lady said TO her husband in
Jerrolds presence "My dear you cer-
tainly need some new trousers" mo
think not" replied the husband
"Well said Jerrold, think the lady
who wears them oIght to know"
"A young man who recently fell
In love with beautiful Young lady, says
that when he learned the other even
ing shat she reciprocated his passion,
he felt as though he was setting top of
meeting house and every Single was
q jewsbarp.
-A Western editor, whose subscri-
bers complained Of his not giving them
news enough for their money, told them
that If they could not find news enough
In the paper, they had better read the
Bible, which he had no doubt would be
news to them.
-A little quack doctor who was
called in to see sick child, looked at
the child-felt its pulse and shook his
head. III do not exactly understand
this child's CASE said be, "bu tell you,
what can do can give it some med
icine that will throw it into fits, am
some on fits J"
"A Quaker chasing his broad brim
-. 4 f. L. a E..Ir- h..
laughing at his dilemma, and inquired,
cart --ithou a profane lad ?" The
youngster replied that he did little
that way. 'sFhen" said he, handing
him quarter, "Thee may damn that
hat the moneys worth"
- A Young girl who had become
tired of single blessedness, writes to
her true swain as follows
Deer Gim-Cum rite off eff you air
cummin at awl. Ed Colllngsis insistin
that shall hev him, an he hugs and
kisses me kontinnerly that [ cant hold
out mulch longer, but will have 2 KAYE
in. Betzey.
-. "Why is it," said one of our
school marms to a young scapegrace
who had caused her much trouble by
his bad conduct, "Why is it you behaved
SO well when you first came here and
are so disobedient now 2" because,
l wasn't much acquainted them" said
young hopeful looking up in his teach
er's face.
- One very cold night i Jolly old
fellow who had been drinking too free
Nv at a tavern started for home in a gig
and on the way was upset and left on
the side of the road. Some persons pas
sing a short time after, discovered him
holding his feet up to the moon, and
calculating to some unknown person,
sPile on the wood it is miseIably cold
fire."
- The newly enfranchised of Ma
con. Ca, turned out in force on cleo
ton day. "What is your name?" said
a Judge to one OF these intelligent voters.
BARLEY he replied showing a row of
Ivory teeth. But what is your other
name =" "Dats Barley, too 'havn't |
YOU anv other name p Yes, but ola |
told me yaid glib dat name to anoder |
Niger, and was to hab Barley
- A bachelor uncle, to who his |
niece applied to for advice on the ques-
ton OF choosing between two suitOrs,
one Of whom was rich and the other
poor-the latter being the most favorite
as we'll as the most ardent-replied,
eMY uedI, bliC quCcbiOti
of all illusery elements, your choice
simply lies between love and beef. Now
love is an idea while beef is reality
Love you can get along without, but
beef you must have. Therefore make
sure of your beef"
A Yankee, who was travelling
out West, was obliged to stay over
night at hotel of doubtful repnte in
border town. where barroOm fights
were the staple amusements. During
the night he thought he heard consid-
cradle disturbance AID in the morning,
on going down, found the landlord
sweeping up what he thought were
grapes. he said to him "You have
pretty large grapes out here ~ Grape
grapes !, said the landlord, them's eyes
that wer gouged out here last night ''s
- gentleman remarked in tav-
ern that he had shot hawk at ninety
yards with number shot Another re-
piled
"Must have good gun, but Uncle {
Dave has one there that beats it,"
"Ah ! how far will his kill hawk
with No. shot ?" Asked the first. I
81 don't use shot or ball either" said !
Uncle Dave himself. /,
"Then what do you use ?"
II use salt altogether. l kill my :
game so far with my gun that the game
night spoil before..I could get to it," /
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