The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1869-07-28
A COMET.

stroyed by water, which may account Io' '"'
antipathy exhibited toward that iuid Dy
portion of our present fellow travellers IN
this Vale of Tears TIE whole fabric, peo'
pie and all, we are told. will therefore
be destroyed BY fire at the next grand bHdfe
of tho human drama. This Is quite crumo
OF comfort, at this juncture. Philosophers
assure us that the most probable manner IN
which our little globe will melt into nothing !
ness, and float off into the boundIess heldS |
of space, will be by catching fire from some |
heavenly body which has wandered from ITS
course, and which, in its wild career, Will
hiring ruin upon the whole celestial aud ter.
r.s,rial system. Collisions generally terni'
nate in conaagaration, and general
baking process. This has been sufficiently
demonstrated on the Erie Railroad, TO the
satisfaction at least Of some dozens OF I'M
fortunate victims, and whatever number OF
expec,ant heirs awaited their demise with
melancholy impotence.
The theory being established, therefore,
that the earth is to be shriveled up at no
distant day, il is with the selfcomplacency
Of one who has secured first class sensa
t;on item. that we announce the startling
and ominous fact that at this very moment
there approaches the earth, with the speed OF
A whirlwind ten times intensified, and with
something akin to the rapidly Of lightning,
solid mass Of flaming fire many thousand
times larger than our awaiting
globe, aud with flaming and Fyrating
tail Of fire capable of reaching around our
mundane sphere orer hundred times. A
, rabbit within the hideous folds Of an enrag'
cd boa.constricter would not be more power.
: less than win be our little world when this
wiggling Nppendage catches us up on ts
, blazing extremity, gives Us toss as cat
does mouse, aud then by slight con!rac'
, ton followed by forward movement, sends
!. us along its fiery track for the insignificant
distance of two million five hundred thous.
: and miles. If we don't all fry, roast, or
= bake into the original essence of nothing
- at all before we reach the main oven, the
7 programme is to bury us in grand mass OF
flames calculated to be somewhere between
seventy five and a hundred million miles in
circumference. Warming up with the sub
= iect, We are led to imagine that the "bap
or tism of fire. which the radicals sung abou
d. when they were trampling out the vintage
. where tho grapes Of wrath were stored
several years ago, will be so small in com
~ harrison to this one that John Browns sou
N will gather up its stored knapssck, and q
marching on in such sublime disgust tina
all the hossnnas of forty Boston jubiIee
d couldn't secured an echo from its ielreatinp
8 coat.tnlls. Those who have howled incon
tiuen,ly at our recent constant rams WI
have an opportunity to be ettectually "drieC
p, up,n and will no doubt he invited to "sim
mer down in q style which will admit 0
not the slightest opposition. "A far
d, we can ascertain, no dining cars will
Y. be connected with the celestial train OF
10 this grand excursion, and intJulps ant
BRANDY -StDEShbH Will bS ~ u ~ nv tA''H'A''
than Rock Island and Moline railroad stock
- The statement that Vanderbilt has purchas
Nv ed the North Pole for the purpose of keel
ing cool long enough to see Drew and hi
companions properly baked, is received wit
ri. much credence. Annie Dickinson's tloo
be. Tide, If it doesn'. 90 up in a cloud Of mis-
~, will enable the garrulous lady to give it
aa the mem till the last horn blows, which wi
probably be when the practical poet VIII
sang BLOW your Horn" has had his bras
OF trumpet melted down hs tbrOat. The AK
OF GUS will temporarily Suspend pubIlc'|'on uu
m ring this summer -ampaign, Unless som'
m gen;ps invents -ast iron printers, who CAT
sI;,,, ,,oI,o, lead into red hot Sticks ant
rrv On, newspapers with smoking ink, OF
nres-,s manufactured to order from thu
:, , erks of Neptunes Trident, We will con
=, suit Hoe on the matter. Brick Pomero,
y, will continue to publish his sensation novel
slightly altering it's title so as to read "Ret
Hot Times in the Southland Everywhere
Mt else" Any one feeling discomboberate'
u can call on Bhna Yon Cor directions TO tn
ke Louisville watering place. Tom declines
on we understand, to play his Rain Storm
during the excursion. Any one wishing
". refrigerator can be supplied at Mise kaAe
:, hardware store. Al may anticipate olive
- ly time.
~ This approaching comet can %" b
seen with the naked eye, on any cIesr night
- in the northern part of the heavens at iron
e midnight until daylight or until the morn
. ing star rises. The late heavy rains hav'
:; not had an effect to delay its appearance
to dim its brIiancy, though it will tontinu
to grow brighter and brighter IS it approach
as es the earth. Young ladies setting up to Sc
is' it, should by all means be attended by thel
ed "felows," as an unexpected view OF tn
burning monster might have an effect
nal terrify them beyond measure, or to indut
nd them to fall into the arms Of Morpheus
some other masculine individual This
V an old comet, aud has sign fcant hlstor.
DDS .-..... :, :, tho ann H.
Immediately preceded the terrible civil wa
nit in Greece, and was Immediately followed
al. devasting contagon in Persia and 9th
. in oriental counties. At that time a most fea
, of full plague swept the earth Of half the peop
ted of the countries visited, Some years aft
re it appeared again, and was preceded by
F-n