The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1869-01-16
Bu1get Of FINN.


0~~ ~ ~ 'ssss
After N OGlce.
Yesterday sable representative of the .sbes.
government in the world" surrounding the seat
Of . lilapidatsl ssrryall, drove up to the con.
trail station in this city, and INQUIRED for the
ssboss." The unique vehicle contained his An
Gent dame and two dimilutivs scisns of the
shouss" A qusdrupsd which q very polite
naa, with due regard to the ssnsibilitiss Of the
animal, might dignity with the distinctive ap-
pellatisa Of male, had the honor of pulling The
conveyance and its loyal freight. Word being
conveyed ito Capt. Cain that a visitor wished to
SEQ him On business Of Importance, that gentle
man soon made his appearance.
"What.do you wsnt?"
"Git to step with You, boss!'
swami to stop with mew inquired the aston
ishsd officer.
eyes, boss jis for all night"
"Oh! you want to stay at the station to-
eyes, sar."
"But whore are you going with all that plum
der?"
'Gein' to Warrington, sar!"
"Where?
''Goin' 70 Warrington, sar !"
what Washington-not to Warrington
City?"
eyes, sar, dat's de place, whar de President
isw
"what in tho name of Heaven are you going
there for ?"
"Well, you sss, boss, Massa Grants got de-
to git all de Offices when he gifts in so Il gwine
to see if he wont make dis child gub'ner n
It is needless to say that the colored "gsm-
man" was Hospitality entertained, and sent on
his way rsjoicing.-Nep Orleans Picayune.
man being asked, as he lay summing himself
in the grass, what the height of lis ambition,
replied: "To marry rich widow with bad
cough"
Why is son who objects to his mothers
second marriage like an exhausted pedestrian
Because he cant go step farther.
that are hard to understand. Everybody is
anxious to get to heaven, but no one is in hurry
about it.
Women who make up their faces deceive them.
selves if they think BY SO doing thsy are more
likely to tempt men to make up their minds.
A revivalist enoouatsriug an African, asked
him: my good man, have ysu found the Lord p
To which Ssmbo rsplisd in surprised manner,
'Golly, msssa, am de Lord LOST"
Said Lord John Russell to Mr. Hume, at
social dinner, What do you consider the object
OF legislation? The greatest good to the great
est number, responded Mr.. Hume What do
you call the greatest number? continued his
lsrdship. Number one, my lord, was the COM
moner's prompt reply.
An aged spinster, deseanting upon the annoy-
ancs Of children, 1.-THE other day, remarked, I,
can't bear children. A very motherly old lady,
hearing the remark, replied: If YOU could per-
haps you would love them better.
A newspaper in Cleveland having advertised
that they would send a copy Of their paper gratis
for one year to the person sending them q club
OF ten, received the ter spot of clubs from
young lady in the country.
'Tily," said mother to daughter who had
seen but four summers. what should YOU do
without your mother ~ 81 should put on every
day just such dress as wanted TO-" was the
prompt reply.
A drunken captain, who met private in his
company in the same condition, ordered him TO
shalt, and. endsavoring to assume a firm posi-
ton and talk to him with severity. exclaimed -
"Private Smith, I'll give you till (hic) o'clock
to gissober in "Cap'n," replied the soldier,
"as you're a s-s-s-sight drunken MAN, I'll give
you til (hicl o'clock to gissober in"
At religious meeting among the blacks q
colored preacher requested that some brother
should pray. A halfwitted fellow commenced
string of words without any meaning. At this the
pastor raised his head and inquired, "Who dat
praying? Dat you brother Nose? You let
somebody pray dat's better acquainted with de
Lord" :
Two young misses discussing the qualities of
some young gentlemen were overheard thus
"Well, / like Charley but he is little girl
ish he hasn't got the least DIT of beard
II say Charley has got beard, but he shavss
it off"
''No he hasn't, either, any more than have"
81 say he has. too, and l know it, for it prick
cd my cheek"
That's how she knew
"Do not your juries give their verdict" in ia
yor of "Bar-ett's Vegetable Hair Restorative ?"
1t is the universal verdict of mankind that it is
the best in the market let all who are becoming
prematurely old-looking and bald begin at once
he nf f,.I. II