The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1869-02-04
NUMBER Is.
0lla-Pcdrida.

'"NNH lV"t paw
Long Kee, Chinese, has gone in,
to bankruptcy in California. He did
too much business with his relative
Whis Kce.
Virtue Is like precious odots, most
fragrant whep they arc increased or
crushed; for prosperity doth best dis.
cover vices but adversely doth best
discover virtue,
"Death alone manirests OF how lit
tie value are the bodies of man" 1t
exposes the inauity OF pride, the folly .
Of ambition, the lutility Of all human /
projects.
There was once On independent old .
lady who, speaking Of Adams nam
ing oil the animals, said she ddu't
think he deserved any credit for nam.
ing the pig--auy QUE would know
what to call him.
a tra6scondental preacher took for
his text, "Fccd my lambs" A plain
farmer very quantity remarked to
him, on coming out Of the church -
"a very good toxt, sir, but you
should take care not to put the hay
so high in the rack that the la nibs
cant reach it y
4 Bridgep ,rt Sunday School teach
or questioned his class, last week, IN
regard to the origin of Christmas,
with the following result: Where
was Christ born 2" AT Bethlehem"
"Where's Bethlehem? p ain jAdea. ="
"Who first knew that Christ was
born Y' "llis mother"
A gentleman travelling in a rail-
way carriage, wns amused by n con-
etant frc of words between two ladies'.
One of them at last kindly inquired
il thoir conversation did not make
his head aohej when he answered,
with a good deal 6f iugoueusness,
"No, ma a'am; I've been married TWEEN.
ty years"
An old gentleman was recently
waiting for the cars id the depot of
the Chicago, Rock Island aud Pacific
Railroad, when, looking over the
great building, he exclaimed: On
ly think of il But a little over
thirty years ago ! was offered eighty
acres of land, On part of which this
depot is now built, for a sorrel horse
ahH saddle. aud | was just blamed
fool enough to keep the sorrel.'
"Gontlemen," said candidate in
the far West, after having given his
sentiments on the CONSTITUTION, the
4 "Monroe Doctrine and such like
topics--"Gentlemeu," and he put hi,
hand on the region Of his heart
"these are my sentimchts-the senti
uients, gentlemen, ofaH honest mar
aye, au honest politician-rbdt
gentlemen and fellow. citizens, cf Mey
doa't suit yoN, Mey ke,I DC chdngedl
An inveterate tobacco 6hower was
in the habit Of declaring about once
u month that he would "never chew
ahother picct," but broke his pledge
as often as he made it, Gu one oc.
! casion, shortly after he had "brohen
of for good, he was seen taking an
other chew. "Why," said his friend,
"you told mic you had given up that
habit, but | see you are at it again. "
Eyes" he teplled. III have gone to
chewing and left off lying"
n Yankee, who was travelling out
West, was obliged to stay over night
at hotel of doubtful repdte in a
border town, where bar.toom fights
were tho staple amusemdhts. During
the night he heard considerable dis.
turbabces, aud iH the motning, on
going down, found the landlord
sweeping up what lie supposed we're
grapes. lie said to him, " You have
pretty large grapes out here p
"Grapes ! grapes !" said the landlord,
"them's eyes that were gouged out
here last night !"
The serio-comic ideas that enter
the head of Sambo, when exercised
on religious matters, causing anxiety
perhaps TO himself but laughter to
the listener, we're exenp,ifeG in the
case of an "uncle" in Chester, South
Carolina, who had been to a meeting,
ard returned greatly troubled about
his sins. Perceiving him ono day
with downeast look, HIS master disk.
ed him the cause.
"Oh, Massa, I'm such great SIN
ner r.
"Bdt, Pete, you are foolish to take
it so much TO heart. You never see
Ire troubled about my aius."
~ know dc reason, Massa; when
you go out duck hunting, and kill
one duck aud wound another, doH't
you run after the wounded duck 2"
Eyes, Pete" And the master
wondered what was coming next,
"Well, Massa, dat is de way wid
you and me de debbil has got you
sure but, as he's not sure of me, he
chases dis chile all dc time !"
Billings, the celebrated musical
composer, boasted that there was no
point connected with the science of
music that he did not understand. A
wag sent Elm a note, requesting an
interview with bin, on particular
day, TO consult about a difficult ques-
ton in music, which he said no man
could answer, Billings promptly
met him and said to him; Whatev-
or your question. may be, / pledge
myself to answer it, as there is moth
ing connected with the science that l
have not mastered" "My question
is an important one, replied the ~ag
With the most serious face imagina.