Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-10-08
HumOr.

A store in Denver City conquers in this
sign. FyNe KUT 2 bak o.
A little girl describes fan as ia thing to
brush the warm off you with"
Why can Americans who color their hair
never become rebels Because rather than
wear ''the gray" they'll dye.
A fond wife threw bottle of hair renew
er at her husbands head at which he said ::
awe must part-the dye is cast"
The first question that disturbed man was
the woman question, and it bids fair to be
the last. 4+5}t
Papa, what is humbug?' ut is" re-
Piled papa. when mamma pretends to be
very fond of me, and puts no buttons on my
shirt till reminded of It dozen times"
A petty punster, whose ears will doubt
less be clipped by the new Mayor, says that
New York city is now governed by Oakley
Hall. Tammany Hall, and Alcohol Times.
A little boy on being asked to what trade
he would wish to be brought up, replied
L will be a trustee of the poor because ever
since papa has been a trustee we've had pud-
ding for dinner.
The man who knew bank wherein the
wild thyme grew, is now in search of bank
where he can get time on his obligations
lie expects to find 1t s'when the swallows
homeward fly"
"Why, Sambo, how black you are I" said
gentleman the other lay to negro waiter
at the hotel. ''How in the name of wonder
did you get SO black ~ "Why look here,
massa, de reason am dis: de day dis chile
was borne dere was an eclipse"
Fanny Fern says: 'If one half of the
girls knew the previous liyes of the men they
marry, the list of old MAIDS would be won
derfully increased" Whereupon the Bos-
ton Post asked: If the men knew what
their future lives were to be, wouldn't it in
crease the list Of old maids still further p
How is your husband, my dear ?" asked
one lady Of another.
"Oh, he's in very bad state" was the
reply.
"And pray. what kind of state is he in %
persisted the other. 10
In State Prison" &
EARLY TRAIN1NG.-A Hartford four year
old, saw his parents preparing for church,
and asked them to take him with them. He
was told that he was too little and must wall
till he should grow bigger. "Weu," re-
turned he you'd better take me now, for
when 1 get bigger, may not want to CO."
They saw the point he was taken.
coULD STAND rr.-When the .'pledge"
was being circulated at temperance meet
ing decidedly inebrated individual presen-
ted himself and offered his signature The
chairman remarked, ':this is very impor-
tant step, my friend, trust you realize the
responsibility yon are assuming "Oh I
can stand the (hic) responsibility, was the
response, "Pye done it lots of times before"
Three little boys were disputing as to
whose father said the shortest grace.
First boy-'My father says. Lord we
thank thee for these provisions.
Second boy-And mine says Father bless
this food to u.s.
Third boy-Ah but, mine the best of all
he shoyes his plate towards mama and saws
Darn ye, fill up.
In Arkansas, Elder Knapp, while bap.
tlsing converts at revival meeting, advanced
with why, sharp.eyed old chap into the
water; asked the usual question, whether
there was any reason why the ordinance of
baptism should not be administered. After
pause, tall, powerful looking chap, with
an eye like blaze, who was leaning on
long rifle and quietly looking on, remarked:
"E!der, don't want ter interfere in this yer
business any, but [ want to say that that is
an old sinner you have got hold Of, and I
know that one dip won't do him any good.
Ii you want to get the sin out of him. You'll
have to anchor him out in deep water over
night"
A high officer of the Sons of Temperance
presenting himself with the smell Of grog he
had been drinking upon him at the door of a
division" for admission, was waited upon
by an Irish sentinel, to whom be gave the
pass word, when the following occurred:
Sir" said he, '.an' yez are Mister
Outright, the Grand Worthy Patriarch of
the Staff of Khaiutucky, do be aether be-
lawn"
Eyes" said John. you are perfectly right:
but why do you ask the questioe
''To tell you the truth, then, sir, and
shame the divil,' said Pat, ''yez be havin
the right password for the Son of Temper
ance, ENTIRELY, but by the Holy Virgin and
the blessed Saint Pathrick, yez got the wrong
SMELL"
A good story is told of an old gentleman
in Southern State, Who being very ILL.,
and supposing that his end was approaching.
gave direction that an old slave, who had
been very faithful to him, should be called
into his room. Sam made his appearance
and with joyful face drew near his mas
ter, expecting that he was about to announce
to him his purpose of leaving him free.
''You know said the master, "you have
been faithful servant to me, Sam"
Eyes, massa, ''he replied.
Poor Sam expected the next sentence to
contain his freedom But said the massa
kindly:
"You know, Sam, I always treated you
kindly"
'Yes, massa, you did"
Sam was now all anxiety to hear, and
looked gratefully into the face of his dying
master, and waited to hear the charming
word Freedom p' But what was SANS dis
appointment when his master said: ss.
I'm consideration Of your long and faith
full service. I have directed in my Will that
when you die you shall be buried by my
side"
After long pause, Sam replied.
dark night Debel come, look for massa, and
take poor Sam