The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-05-07
dBtif ans DuttDnt .

aHtit ans Dnttent.
Man-hood-A hat.
-Woman-hood-A bonnet.
a Fiery Steed-Horse radish.
/ Open-air serviecs-Police duties.
Man proposes, but woman &C.
cepts.
Dry nursing-nursing ones
wrath.
= A gate always open to sailors
Navigate.
The greatest curiosity-a woman
void of it.
Men don't like wives of by-ways
and cross-ways.
The most popular nine in or out
of the Notwithstanding.
What did Adam first plant in
the garden OF Eden? His foot.
- When Autumn is married to
Winter, the wedding cake is always
frosted.
Many fool has had luck enough
to get good wife without sense enough
to know it.
The young ladies down east COM
plain that the young men are SO poor
they can't pay their addresses!
Goldfish aristocracy--A set of
fools who think more of themselves
than better people think of them.
"A Tilted lover declares woman's
cons;ancy is in buying new dresses
The wretch.
"A fellow out West put strych-
nine in the well bucket. His mother
in-law lived with him.
"A contemporary says the measles
are about concluding a very successful
engagement in New Orleans.
- Why is a lady whose dress touch
es the floor like vagrant? Because she
has no visible means of support.
The following rules are posted
in New Jersey school-house: mo
kissing the girls in school hours; no
licking the master during holidays"
-"Leave you, my friend.' said
tipsy fellow, clinging to a lamp-post on
dark night; leave you in q condition
not to take care of YOURSELF (hic) never.
"How fast wiekedpen can go on
in their sins, to be surel" exclaimed
good old Aunt Hepsiby; cit never takes
MORN two seconds to fight duel"
An lrishman complained to his
ply stefan that he stuffed aim so much
with drugs, that he was sick long
time alter he got we'll.
- Who is the LATEST man? The
furniture dealer; he keeps chairs and
lounges about all the time. Our Jim
if,c fha n hai oil
setting.
"A young man stepped into a
book-shOp and said he wanted ga young
mans companion" ''Well sir,'' said
the bookseller, "here is my only daugh-
ter"
"A drunken loafer was picked up
in the street. There was no sense in
his head, no cents in his pocket, pow
erful scent in his breath, and he was
sent to the watch house.
"A little girl was lately reproved
for playing out of doors with boys, and
informed that being seven years old,
she was too big for that now. why,
grandma, the bigger we grow the bet
ter we like en-"
"Papa," said boy, what is pune
tuation?"
sit is the art of putting stops, my
child"
''Then wish you'd go down into the
cellar and punctuate the, cider barrel, as
the cider is running all over the floor"
- Two scavergers were quarreling
as to their respective working abilities,
when one, meaning to silence his mate
said, swell. Bill, you can sweep the
middle of the street, but you can't do
an ornamental piece OF work, sweep
ing round a lamp-post -
"A traveller down in Jersey, rid
lug past one of the "sand barrens" re-
marked, "What poor cuss the fellow
must be who owns this farm!" s'Not as
poor rs you thinlS,' cried the owner,
rising up from behind fence, 81 only
own half of it !"
u. "A. Western journal tells us that
whole herd of office-beggars have re-
turned from Washington with faces as
long as hogs shouts. One of them
swOre that Johnson,s administration
could yet be considered respectable in
comparison with Grants"
"A boy was recently excused from
school to attend funeral, but a truaat
officer found him soon after, witnessing
game Oh DdSe Dali, ana asked MN why
h did not go to the funeral. With the
utmost GOODNESS the youngster replied:
II went down to the house to attend it,
but the man ist't dead vet p
- Bronze sleeve buttons are now
the moody" thing. The more hideous
the design the more fashionable. The |
most ''taking" design are the skull and
cross bones, shrimp, and horse shoe.
AS for size, a. ything under that of
dinner plate, is fashionable.
lyon lave lost some of your
friends, see." said a traveller to a ne
gro, whom he had met on the road.
'4es, massa."
"Was it near or distant relative ?"
swell, purity distant-'bout twenty
Tour miles," was the reply.
- A clergyman had taught an old
man in his parish to read, and had found
him an apt pupil. After The lessons
lad finished, he had not been able to
,all az the cottage for some time. and
when he did lie only found the wife at
ION Q Flows john" Hes canny SIR
aid his wife. GLOW does be get on
With his readlng?" ''Nicely sir. " ''Ah,
suppose he II read his bible very COM
ortably now - "Bible, sir! bless you,
"a xwoe ont Of tho bfh1n ard int tbo | ,