Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1869-11-10
e XTRAGTS FROM P. 7. BAR.
NUNS AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

NUNS AUTOBIoGRAPHY.
The managers of railroads running
west from Chicago pretty rigIdly en
force a rule excluding FROM certain re
served cars all gentlemen travelling
without ladies' As [ do not smoke,
avoid the smoking cars; and as tie
ladies car was sometimes more select
and always more comfortable than the
other cars, I tried various ex oedieuts
to smuggle myself in. If saw lady
about to enter the car alone, followed
closely hopeing thus to elude the Wig
lance Of the brakeman, who generally
acted as door-keeper But the car
Cerberus is pretty well up to all such
lodges, and | did not always succeed
On one occasion, seeing young couple,
evidently just married, and starting on
bridal tour, abost to enter the Car, |
followed closely, but was stopped by
the door-keeper, who called out:
"How many gentlemen are with this
lady"
| have always noticed that young
newly-married people are very fond OF
saying my husband" and Tiny wife !"
they are new terms which sound pleas :
antly to the ears of those who utter
them; SO in answer to the peremptory
inquiry of the door keeper, the bride
groom promptly responded /:
81 am this lady's husband - "
''And | guess you can see by the re-
selnblance between The lady and my,
sell" said [ to Cerberus that [ an
her father"
The astonished husband and blush
ing bride were too much taken aback'
10 deny their newly discovered parent,
but the brakeman said, as he permitted
| the young couple TO enter the car:
I'VE can t pass all creation with one
lady
Il hope you will not deprive me of
he company of my child during the
little time We can remain together" [
said with demure countenance. The
brakeman evidently sympathized with
The fond "parent' whose feelings were
sufficiently lacerated at losing his
daughter through her finding hus-
band, and [ was permitted to pass l
Immediately apologized to the young
bride and her husband, and told them
who | was, and my reasons for the as
sumed paternity, and they enjoyed the
joke SO heartily that they called me
father" during our emit, e journey to
gether. Indeed. the husband privately
and slyly limited to me that the first
boy should be christened "P. T." My
friend the Rev. Dir. Chaplin, by the by
aa lnVeterate punster, is never tired
Of ringing the changes on the names in
my family; he says that my wife and
are the most sympathetic couple he
ever saw, since she is CHARITY" and l
am PITY" ?. To On one occasion at
my house in New York, he called my
attention to the monogram, P. 7. b..
on the door and said, Il Gid it" did
what" | asked: Why that" replied
the doctor, p 7. B.,-Pull The Bell,
of course" thus literally ringing a new
change on my initials.
At another time during my western
Iecturing trip, | was following closely
in the wake of lady who was enter
ing the taeorite car, when the brake
man exclaimed:
You can I 90 in there sir -
81 rather guess [ can go in with a
lady" said L, nointing to the one who
had just entered.
Not with that lady, old fellow; for
[ happeu to know her, aud that Is
more than you do; We are up to all
these travellers tricks out here; it S
no CO."
| saw indeed that ii vas "no go,
and that [ mnst try something else !;
''Look here, my dear fellow, said |,
Il am travelling every day on the rail
roads, on lecturing tour throughout
the West, and | really hope you will
permit me to take a seat in the ladies
car. | am Barnum, the Museum man
from New York"
Looking sharply at me for an instant,
the altogether too wide awake brake
man exclaimed Not by a d-n sight
YOU amt | know Barsum =
could not neIp laughing; and pull
ing several old letteas from my pocket,
aud showing him the directions on the
envelopes, [ replied
"Well, you may know him, but the
old fellow has changed in appearance,
perhaps. You see by these letters l
am the "cFitter :"
The brakeman looked astonished,
but finally sad.
"Well, that is fact sure enough
know you when | come to look again,
but really did not believe you at first,
You see we have all sorts of tricks
played on US, aud we learn to doubt
everybody You are very welcome to
go in, Mr. Barnum. and | am glad to
see you" aud as this conVeration was
heard throughout the car, "Barnum,
the Snowman was the subject of general
ohservs'ion aud remark