Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-02-12
HumOr,

following story, which amuslhg!y h!uS.la's
the capacity for drink Of the Rhinelanders
.The Bishop of Mayence once delivered a
sermon against drunkenness. and after paint
ing in the strongest colors the evils of over
indulgence, concluded as follows: But the
abuse of wine does not exclude its use, for it
is written that wine rejoices tho heart Of man.
Probably there is not one in my congrega-
ton who cannot drink four bottles Of wine
without feeling any disturbance Of his senses;
but if any man at the seventh OR eighth bot
tie SO torgets himself as to abuse and strike
his wife and children and treat his best
friends as enemies. let him look into his con-
science, and in future always stop at the sixth
bottle. Yet if after drinking eight. or even
ten or twelve bottles. he can still take his
Christian neighbor lovingly by the hand and
obey the orders of his spiritual and temporal
superiors, let him thankfully drink his
draught. he must be careful, however, as
to taking any more, for it Is seldom that
Providence gives any one the special grace
to drink sixteen bottles at a'setting, as it has
me. its unworthy servant, to do without eth
er nsglecting my duties or losing my temp
er." si
Nor "RErAuED" IN BosToN.-At one Of
our fashionable churches. where pews are
eagerly snapped up at about thousand dol
lars each, young man and his new married
wife recently attended public worship for two
or three Sundays, and we're so well pleased
with the preacher that they resolved to at
tend regularly, Accordingly. as they passed
out one Sunday. the gentleman. calling the
sexton aside, said patronizingly "see here
| think, on the whole. III come here 70
church. Now I want to hire two seats
good seat. mind you-op the lower floor.
and now let me see ali that you have to let."
..To let p did understand you? inquired
the sexton. eyes, don't mind paying four
or five dollars extra for two choice broad
aisle Seats" replied the applicant. Young
man." said the somewhat practical custodian
Eve have not seats to let;' we do not do Q
retail business ut this house. "-Boston ADJ
yertiser.
A GENrLEMAN's DIARY OF HIS WIFE's
TExrER.-Monday-A thick fog; no See
ing through it. Tuesday-Gl9omy and
very chilly unseasoaable weather: We'd
nesday-Frosty, at times sharp. Thursday
Bitter cold in the morning, red sunset,
with flying clouds, portending hard weather,
Friday-Storm in the morning, with peals
Of thunder; clear afterwards. Saturday
Cleans Of sunshine, with partial thaw,
frost again at night. Sunday-A slight
southwester in the morning calm and pleas
ant at dinner time hurricane and earthquake
at night.
A bashful youth was paying his address,
es to gay lass in the country, who had
long despaired of bringing things to crisis.
He called one day when she was at home
alone. After settling the merits Of the wealth
er, the girl said. looking slyly into his face:
81 dreamed of you last night"
''Did you now? Why roy ?"
eyes, dreamed that you kissed me-"
"Why now? What did you dream your
mother gaid?"
"Oh, l dreamed she was not at home"
A Gg ht dawned on the youths intellect,
singular sound broke the stiffness, and in
less than four months they were married.
And elderly gentleman, accustomed to
nindulge," entered the room Of a certain
tavern, where sat grave Friend by the fire.
Lifting pair Of green speatacles upon his
forehead rubbing his inhamed eyes and call
ing for hot brandy and water, he complained
to the friend that ''his eyes were getting
weaker, end that even spectacles didn't seem
to do them any good" ''I'll tell thee, friend"
replied the Quaker, "what think If thee
was to wear thy spectacles oges thy mouth
for few months. thy eyes would get wall
agar"
Mamma" exclaimed beautiful girl
who had suffered afeetation to obscure the
little intellect she possessed. "what is that
dong green tAiag lying on the dish before
you?" ga cucumber, my beloved Geor-
giana," replied the mamma, with blank
smile Of appreciation on her darling's COM
mendable curiosity. GA cucumber p Gra-
cious goodness, my good mamma, how very
extraordinary! always imagined, until
this moment, that they grew in slices r
Gen. Wade Hampton says: "You cannot
20 on to cotton plantation in Alabama now
without hearing the command, Senator start
right smart to your cotton picking Judge,
you 90 and bring my horse around to the
SbUOQ, GObuuO1, nave q blUe pun vi UildU
mule right along"
A lady having the misfortune TO have her
husband hang himself on an apple tree, the
wife of neighbor Immediately came to beg
branch of that tree, to have it grated into
one in her orchard, 'for who knows" says
she. "but it may bear the same kind of
fruit"
The following is from local paper b
"Persons wishing to see the editors will gen.
orally find them at the printing office. In
their absence, however, invitations to dine,
and challenges to fight, should be left eth
er with the publisher, or in our table draw
es."
Josh Billings says MOST people decline to
learn only by their own experience, and I
guess they are more than half right, for
don't suppose man could get correctidea of
molasses candy merely by letting another
teller taste it for him.
One Of Robert Halls congregation took
him to task for not preaching more frequent
ly on predestination. Hall replied; II per-
ceive you are predestined to be an ass, and
what is more, see that you are determined
to make your calling and election sure"
A chap from the country, stopping at one
of the hotels, sat down to dinner. Upon
the bill Of fare being handed to him By the
waiter, he remarked that he didn't care bout
readin' now-he'd wait till after dinner.
There are two reasons why some people
don't follow the advice, "mind your own
business" First, they haven't any business,
and second no mind to bring to it. Rather
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