The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-04-02

Or ask TO clasp tnat form.
aItif anti Duutur.
- fhe lady whose peace of mind
was broken is having it repaired.
- The hope is sure which has its
foundation in virtue.
- II there was no clouds we should
not enjoy the sun.
- Sleep falls sweetly upon the vir-
tuos.
- An editor in Michigan has in
herited graveyard.
- Latitude, like a clothes line,
stretches from pole 10 pole.
- Farmers, are like fowls-neith-
er Will get full crops without indus
try.
- A very eulogistic obituary of a
lady, says :-"Slle was married twenty
four years, and all that time never once
banged the door,"
- An exchange wants to know if
darkey can have a white swelling.
Certainly Some Of them are very
anxious to go to Congress.
A polite philosopher once thank
ed a lady, who had been singing to
party for an hour by saying, MADAME
you have wasted of time cIiarmingly."
-" Jenny," said Scotch minister
STOPPING from his pulpit, "have we got
u peen about YEP "Yes, minister"
+'Then stick it INTO that brute o. a man
o. yours by your side."
- A Westera editor, having an
nounced the shooting Of wild cat, by
a little boy five feet eight inches long"
an exchange queries, ''what do they
call big boys there %
- An exchange truthfully says the
man who takes a newspaper for num-
Der of years, and then refuses to pay
for it, would steal passage to Heaven
la the secret corner ola streak of light
ming, and smuggle gold from the streets
of the new Jerusalem to buy stumps of
half-penny cigars.
They hive in Winconsin what are
called ''hard time parties" The invi-
tations are written on brown paper,
and request the guests to dress in their
old clothes. Bean soup, crackers. and
dried herrings, constitute the refresh
ments, with Cambria tea, and water to
wash them down. The gusts walk
home.
- At the great American ball in
Paris on Washngtons birthday, a young
Englishman was promenading after
dance with an american belle. s1Who
is that old SWELL? said the youth to
his partner, pointing to a capital por-
trait which belongs to DR.. Evans
"Why, Washington, you know, mo,
don't, never even met him" "Take
mo TO mamma, was all she said.
A new made widow went re-
GENTLY to life insurance office to re-
ceive the amount of policy on her hus-
bands life, which had provldentially
been made payable 20 her, the president
thought it only proper TO condole with
her on her bereavement. Il am truly
sorry madame to hear of your loss. -
"That's always the way with you men.
You are always sorry when a poor wo-
man has a chance to make q little mo-
ney."
- My competitor has told you of
his services he rendered his country IN
the late war; Let me tell you that,
too, acted an humble part III that
memorable contest. When the tocsin
of war summoned the chivalry OF the
West, to rally to the defence of the nv
tional honor, | fellow citizens ANNA
ted by that patriotic spirit which glows
in every Americans bosom hired sub
stitute for the war, and the bones of
that man now lie bleachingon the banks
OF the Raison -
- An old lady who was making
some jam was called upon by neigh
Dor. "Sam, you rascal, you will be
eating my jam when am away" Sam
protested he'd die first j.; but the whites
of his eyes rolled hungrily towards the
bubbling crimson. ssoee here Sam"
said the old lady taking up piece OF
chalk, "I1l chalk your lips, and then
4,ll know when come back whether
you have eaten any," So SAYING she
passed her fore finger over the thick
lips of the darkey, holding the chalk in
the palm of her hand, and not letting
it touch him. When she came back,
she did not ask any questions, for
Sans lips were chalked a quarter of
an inch thick.
- "Darncl Webster" remarked
old Col. Gumpey. as he trimmed quid
OF niggerhead, and fastened it securely
between two decayed teeth in the left
side of his mouth, "Darnel Webster was
great man. Thar want aothln mean
about him. I've hearn him talk, but
it t'want his talk so much as his gener-
osity, that TUX me. He had a kinder
careless way like, that kept him from
gettin' rich. He never seemed to think
what things cost. Twas coming up the
Hudson river along with him once, and
in the morning Darncl Webster and
me was washn' our faces. and slickin
our har in the lbin, and he took out
his toothbrush and brushed his teeth. /
didn't see any other toothbrush laying
around so borrowed his'n. And af-
ter used it, | handed it back to him
and what do you think? Why, OAR
mel Webster, just sung that tooth
brush right into the river. And spose
next day he went and bought him
new one. That's all he cared about
money Thar amt no such man as
Darnel Webster living now" conclud-
ed the Colonel meditatively, as he
spirited Il stream of tobacco juice into
the fireplace at the other end Of the