The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1869-01-03
WIT AND WISDOM.

|
The greatest Marriage Settlement in the a
wOrld-Utah.
Which State contains the happiest people ,
Merryland.
The great financial question-Have you any
money!
"a baby.
A Hair Dresser's motto-Two heads (of hairy I
are better than one.
What sort of q drum is best when it canpot
be beatenf conundrum.
Dentists are favored with more open coun-
tenances than any other class of people.
Why shouldn't women be physicians, since
| all doctors are fee-males.
| If the good all die early, why are the bad
| like the pupil of an eye. Because they diiate.
| Example of the" Ups and downs of life."-|
Being hard,up, and, consequently, cast down.
When ought a man to be best acquainted
with his own actions When he's beside him
self.
The Hindoos extend their hospitality to their
enemies, saying: "The tree does not withdraw
its shade even from the wood-cutter."
A wag lent clergyman horse, which ran
away and threw him, and then claimed credit
for g aid in spreading the gospel"
An old lady, hearing of u pedestrians great
feat" wondered why they didn't interfere Win
his fast walking.
The Young man who asked the daughters
hand and got the fathers foot, had the consola-
ton of knowing that his wooing was not boot
less.
Leigh Hunt was asked by lady, at a des-
J sert if he would not venture on an orange.
Madam, 1 should be happy to do So but am y
; afraid should tumble off,"
A grave old man told his that if he did
|. not grow less dissipated he would shorten his
! days "Then dad" said the boy, 81 shall
lengthen my nights"
Clam Just in time for dinne IT," said Lord Lord
4 agree" rejoined a friend, Z" since they are
4 always striking" ,..s.y .,4s,.
"what brought you to prison my eo hmt
|. mean had intemperance anything to do with
q it I" eyes, sab, dey was bofe OBJ 'em drunk"
! An aged Quakeress was seen gazing very IN
!, tently on piece of brocaded silk displayed IN
= q linen draper's window. A cockney Passer-by
= observed that it was 81 Satin tempting Eve"
!. Shining Character.-"M My character" said
= an alderman, who had cleared himself on q
ssssge fon
c. A bachelor sea captain remarked one day that
i, he wanted u good chief officer, and was inform
1t ed by n young lady that she had no objection
y. the lady
l. "A whimsical comparison having been made
Y between clock and a woman, Charles Fox OBJ
le e served that he thought the smile bad, for,
Sc said he, "a clock serves to point out the hours
o and a woman to make us forget them"
W. W "oh, Mary, my heart is breaking" as i
,s indeed Mr.. Closeftf So much the better TO-
nc nc YOU" "Why, my idol ?" Because when it
" o.>>'
~ for guniilnts.'
he Safe otier-An eminent journalist has otfere
in a reward of one thousand dollars for Il tale th!
ye will make his hair stand on end. Before ampl
Mt tious authors enter the field it may be as we
rk to know that the journalist is perfectly bald
as A rather fast youth, in relating an account c
of his voyage across the ocean to sympathiZ .
Nv friend, says: :" There's one good thing about
St thouwh;. YOU can get as tight as you pleas
vn every day, and they'll think you're sea sick
led A countryman went into a drug store a te'
DIS, DAYS ago, and asked for two pounds of OPIUM
ar. So large quantity excited the suspicion of tn
en-. druggist and he inquired what it was to !
to used tor. The verdant replied to stop cracks
OF his cart. He was advised to get some oakun
'us A lady went out with her little girl and bo
III and purchased the latter an india rubber ba
on loon, which escaped him. and went up into IL IL
air The little girl SEEING tine 9ind Nedd
re- re- when you die and go to heaven you'll dit it,"
are young lady who prided herself on her ge
in graphy, seeing candle aslant, remarked In
len it reminded her of the Leaning Tower
tai Pisa" Eyes," responded a wag, with til
wn difference-that is a tower in Italy, while I'll
SIN, is tower in grease
IS False Encouragement.-A visitor to a pris'
and asked q prisoner why he had been sent thel
ion "For false encouragement was the rep
mt =" False encouragement! What do you mean
nal s.Why 1 encouraged one hundred ana lor'
d Il three women to believe that was going
tire marry them"
en- Scotch minister, it is reported went IN
we his pulpit once in the oidcn time slightly obt'
high ticated, and leaned over the precentor's de
t of ILnIo,v thc nulpit saving " Give out the PSF
adc Ss.I,n - s.'Therc bc'nnt so many" said
'uld precentor, wzen-faccd and savage. LII
anne sing so many there be-
t%n An old carpenter, who had been employed
is, Job work by old lady, was asked WHY pee"
lst ' of his trade always charged more i'll prop"rt
for collins than they did for chairs and ia ID
III " Well, you see, na'am, its just because PEG
aud won n,lhS '' ~
,bly paired !,
one A clergyman says it is curious to note II
ope. many people attend the circus only beca
II to they want to please the children put
lii moTe curious to observe that in many instan
Intb- il takes two or three abie=bodied men, Wit
,ther many women, to look after one or two III
lism, girls and boys