Weekly Trinity journal., 1869-05-29
Humorous,

Blows caused by druakedness are now called
Benzine explosions"
Why do small children wear barber-pole
stockings? Because .hey are little shavers.
The first question that disturbed man was the
woman question, and it bids fair to be the last.
'kat, what are you leaning on that empty
cask for?" SIM mourning over departed spirits -
As Colfax had Nellie Wade, why didn't he
have her uncle weighed, also? Because he's
Ben Wade
When may young ladies be said to be econom-
ical? When they resort to tight-lacing to pre-
vent waist-fulness.
The Austin RereWe says the Shoshone squaws
are dasbing creatures, and =" fearfully and won-
derfully contriyed."
What is the difference between an editor and
his wife? One sets articles to rights, and the
other writes articles to set.
The reason why conscience doesn't trouble
some mer is tina. they haven't any. 1t don t
run in some families at all.
Josh Billings says he will never patronize
lottery SO long as be can hire anybody else to
rob him at reasonable wages.
A wit-evidently legal-suggests as COM
panion book to GO Every Man His Own Lawyer"
Every Fool His Own Client"
Yelocpede candy is sold in the East
tce that it is not worked by the feet.
"Who's there p exclaimed lady in great
alarm, on being aroused by the noise of some
one in the room. "Your late husband"
the assuring reply.
colored woman, speaking of one of her
children who was lighter colored than the rest,
said 81 neber could bear dat brat, cause he
show dirt SO easy"
A Salt Lake paper finds fault with Brigham
Young for selecting the eagle for his emblem,
because I" that royal bird is strict monogomst. ~
He should adopt rooster.
&C. think you have sty in your eye," said a
green youth to girl he was trying to court.
NO." said she, looking straight at him, 81
have hog in it, but no sty for him.
" How we'll he plays for one so young r' said
Mrs. Partington, as the organ boy performed
with monkey near the door, I" and how much
his little brother looks like him, to be sure"
An undertaken thus gratefully responds to
friend who had done him favor " If You ever
want coffin, call on me. shall be most happy
to buy you and your family at the lowest cost
price"
poor fellow, on being rescued from drown
ing, was as asked to take some spirits and water
"No, thank you," replied he, 81 have had
water enough already; I'll take the spirits
alone"
Why are sheep the most dissipated animals in
creation? Because they gambol in their youth,
spend most of their days ON the turf; the best
of them are blacklegs, and they are sure to be
feeced at last.
At revival not long since, an old lady prayed
fervently for &c the yonng lambs of the flock"
"lady in black not to be outdone by her
sister, responded, and blandly asked who was to
pray for "the old ewes.'
"Do you suppose you can do the landlord in
the Lady of Lyons?' said a manager to a
seedy actor in quest of an engagement 81
should think might" was the reply, {" l have
done great many landlords"
Particular gentleman exhibiting a singular
looking object in the soup ladle.) Waiter, do
you know what that is?'' Waiter" That, sir,
looks like mouse, sir. We often fnd 'em in
soup, sir. No charge for it, sir,
A contemporary says The Pope is making a
crusade upon the improprieties of dress, and we
learn he " lays the blame upon the shoulders of
the ladies'" The Pope is at fault We have
examined the shoulders of the ladies, and haven t
found anything there.
"Law, ma !" exclaimed precocious- young
lady, " 'ere's beagle ~ ga beagle ~ exclaimed
the mother reproachfully 80 you hgnorant
girl Wy, its a howl" "A1es pardon, num-, -
interrupted the keeper of menagerie respectfully,
'axes pardon, mum but it's 'awk.'
"Well Jim, how did you make it down South ~
First rate made plenty of money" g What
did you do with it.'' "Laid it out in houses
and lots" "Where?'' Every place | have
been where there were any," " What kind of
houses and LOTS CoTee-houses and lots of
whisky"
What is the reason that men never kiss each
other, while the ladies waste world of kisses
on femirne faces?'' said the Captain to Gussie
the other day. Gussie cogitated a minute and
then answered because the men have some
thing better to kiss and the women have not. -
The Captain 90 saw it - Immediately.
"Your future husband seems very exacting
he has been stipLlating for all sorts Of things"
said a mother to daughter who was on the
point of getting married. g" Never mind, man.
MAJ said the affectionate young girl, who was
already dressed for the wedding; these are his
last wishes"
witness in late divorce suit kept saying
that the wife had a retalating disposition-that
she "retaliated for every little thing" 'Did
you ever see her husband kiss her?' asked the
wfes counsel. "Yes, sir, often" "Well,
always retaliated, sir.''
narrow escape from ar Indian, who had taken q
fancy to the white mans scalp. After frighten-
ing Oh the savage, the traveller expressed him.
self thus:
LSl the poor Indian, whose untutored mind
would take delight in giving shot behind;
0r sneak tp-toe in and skin thy head
while thou art snugly snooaing in thy bed. 4.
AN oid-iashioned clergyman named More, was
rioing on horseback one stormy day enveloped
In loose cloak of large proportions, and having
eoroaa scarlet collar. By the action of the
vino tue CLOAK was tossed about in all direc-
horse which SHE'D and almost threw tbe r;dor
"That cloak of yours would fr;oh,en ,hs