The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1869-07-07
How I Game to be Married.


it. I've got rib and a baby.
Shadows departed-oyster stews,
brandy julips, cigars, boxes, boot
jacks, absconding shirt buttons,
whist and dominoes. Shadows
I present-hoop skirts, band-boxes,
CATERS, long stockings, juvenile
| dresses, little willow chairs, era
dies, pap, sugar tetes, paragoric,
| hive syrup, SIENNA, salts, .squills
and doctors bills. Shadows fu-
lure-more blessed babies, hive
syrup, etc. I'll just tell you how
l got caught.
I was always the darndest, most
| tea-custard bashful fellow you ever
did see it was kinder in my line
to be taken with the shakes every
time saw a pretty gal approach
ling me, and I'd cross the street
any time rather than meet one.
Twasn't because l didn't like the
| critters, for if l was behind fence,
looking through a knot-hole, I
couldn't look at one long enough.
Well, my sister Lib gave a party
one night, and I stayed away
from home because was too bash.
FIJI to face music. I hung around
the house, whistling "Old Dan
Tucker" dancing to keep my feet
warm, and watching the heads
bobbing mp and down behind the
| window curtains, and wishing the
laundering party would break up,
| so I could get to my room. l
smoked up a bunch of cigars, and
it getting late and nightly un-
comfortable. I concluded to shin up
the door post. No sooner said
than done, and I quickly found
found myself snug in bed. "Now,"
says I, "let her rip! dance till
your wind gives out!' and cud-
ding under the quilts, Morpheus
rabbed me.
I was dreaming of soft-shell
crabs and stewed tripe, when some
body knocked at the door and
walked me up. Raped again. I
laid low. Rap, Rap, Rap!
Then I heard a whisperiu', and
1 knew there was a raft Of girls
outside.
Rap, Rap!
Then Lib sings out
"Jack, are you in there ?"
"Yis, says I.
Then came roar of laughter
"Let US in," says she.
Il won't" says 1 "can't you let
a fellow alone?"
care you abed?" says she.
II am" says I.
"Get up" says she.
oI won't says I. Then came
another laugh. By thunder! 1 be-
gan to get riled.
"Get out, you petticoat scare
crows" l cried.
"Can't you get a beau without
hauling a feller out of bed ? I
won't 90 home with you-I
won;t-so you may clear out!"
Then owing a boot at the
door. | felt better. But, presently,
oh! mortal buttons. l heard a
still, small voice, very much like
sister Lib's, and it said: "Jack,
You'll have to get up, for all the
girls things are in there"
Oh, Lord, what q pickle? I? think
of me in bed, all covered with
shawls, muffs, bonnets and cloaks,
and twenty girls outside waiting
to get inl If 1 had stopped to
think, I would have tainted on the
spot. AS it was, I rolled out
among the bonnet wire and rlb-
bons in a hurry.
Smash! went the millinery in
every direction. I had to dress
in the dark-for there was crack
in the door, and the girls will peep
and the way I fummbled about,
was death on straw hats. The
critical moment came. [ opened
the door, and found myself right
amongthe women:
ooh my leghorn~ cries one
"my dear darling winter velvet, "
| cries another, and they pitched in
they pulled me this way and
that, boxed my ears, and one
bright eyed little piece-Sal-was
her name-put her arms right
around my neck, and kissed me
right on my lips. Human nature
couldn't stand that, and I gave
her as good as she sent. It was
powerfully good.
| I believe I could have kissed
that gal from Julius Cesar until
the fourth Of July. "Jack," says
she, eve are sorry to disturb you
won't you see me home2"
eyes" said l, 81 will"
I did do it. and had another
smack at the gate, too.
After that, we took a turtle
doving after each other, and both
of us sighed like a barrel of new
cider when we we're away from