Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1869-01-27


hrst time since my marriage, and don't know
what evil genius prompted the wickedness
which perpetrated toward my wise and an.
cicnt relation.
" My DEAR said to my wife, on the day
before my aunts arrival, you know Aunt
Mary Is coming tomorrow well, forgot TO
mention rather annoying circumstance with
regard to herr she is very deaf; and al.
though she eau hear my voice, to which she
Is accustomed, in its ordinary tones. vet Won
will be obliged to speak extremely loud in or.
der to be heard. 1t will be rather inconye.
nient' but | know you will do everything in
your power to make her stay agreeable"
Mrs. -- announced her determination
10 make herself heard, if in her power.
| then went to John ". who loves
a joke as well as any person know of, and
told him to be at my house at six O'Clock on
the following evening, and felt comparatively
happy
l went to the railroad depot with carriage
the next evening and when | was on the way
home with my aunt, | said
My dear aunt, there is one rather annoy.
ing inirmity that Annie (my wife) has, which
forgot TO mention before. She is very deaf
and although She can bear my voice, to which
she Is accustomed, in its ordinary tones, yet
YOU will be Obliged to speak very loud in or.
der to be heard; | am very sorry for it,"
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her heart.
declared that she rather liked speaking loud
aud to do so would afford her great pleasure.
The carriage drove upon the steps was
my wiie-in the window was John ",
with a face as utterly solemn as if he had
buried all his relatives that afternoon.
am delighted to see you," shrieked nv
wiie--and the policeman on the opposite side
walk started, and my aunt nearly fell down
the steps.
Kiss me, my DEAR bawed my aunt and
the windows shook as with the fever and ague.
looked at the window--John had disap-
peared. Human nature could stand it no
longer. | poked my head into the carriage,
and went into strong commissions
When | entered the parlor my wife was
helping aunt Mary to take off her hat and
cape; and there sat John, with his face buried
in his handkerchief
Suddenly" Did youhave pleasant jour
ney?" went off my wife like pistol, and
John nearly jumped to his feet
" Rather dusty was the response in war
whoop, and the conversation continued.
The neighbors for blocks around must have
heard il when | was in the third story of
the building heard every word.
In the course Of the evening my aunt took
occasion to say to me- " How loud your wife
talks
| told her that deaf persons talked loudly,
and that my wife, being used to it, was not
affected by the exertion, and that she was get.
ting along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said softly; IAN, how
loud your aunt talks!
Yes" said l, call deaf persons do.
You're getting along with her finely; she
hears every word You say" And I rather
think she did
Elated at their success at being understood,
they went at it hammer aud tongs, till every
thing upon the mantelpiece clattered again,
and | was seriously afraid of a crowd collect
ing in front of the house.
But the end was near. My aunt being of
an investigating turn of mind was DESTROYS of
finding out whether the excrtion of talking
was injurious to my wife. So
Doesn't talking so loud strain your
lungs? ?" said she with an unearthly whoop,
for her voice was not as musical as il was
when she was young.
1t is an exertion," shrieked my wife.
Then why do you do it," was the an-
swering scream.
Because-because-you can't hear if |
DON'T squealed my wife.
"What?" said my aunt, fairly rivalng
railroad whistle.
began to think it time to evacuate thu
premises and looking around and seeing
John gone, stepped into the back parlor,
and there he lay, flat on his back, with his
feet at right angles with his body, rolling
from side to side, with his fist poking into his
ribs, and most agonizing expression of coun-
tenance, but not making a sound. | immedi-
ately and involuntarily followed his example,
and | believe from the relative position Of
our feet and heads, and our attempts to re-
strain our laughter, apoplexy must ineyita-
bly, have ensued, if horrible groan which
John gave vent to in his endcavor to sup
press his visibility, had not betrayed our hid
ing place.
In rushed my wife and aunt, who by this
time comprehended the joke, and such scold.
ing as then had | never got before aud
hope never to get again.