The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1869-06-12

lew days since. Just previous to his sentence
he was asksd, as usual, if he had anything to
say why sentence should not be passed upon him,
and replied as follows:
81 have but very few words. In the first
case, have been convicted of a crime which
never committed-that is the truth. In the Sec
ond case, / desire TO say that the end Of the
prosecution is fully accomplished, and I trust
that the public servants who have served as wit
ness will be fully rewarded for their treachery.
During my stay in this court room, have been
30 thoroughly disguised with the human igno-
rance and depravity exhibited that am glad to
be able to retire from such society, without re.
gard to the length Of time.
Little minds rejoice over the errors Of men OF
genius, as the owl rejoices at an eclipse.
Most hotels ought to run better in winter
than summer, because they haye runners.
To happy home you must have two bears in
it; you must bear and forbear.
Happiness consists in being perfectly satisfied
with what we have got and with what we hav mt
got.
There is man in Chicago who possesses 80
remarkable memory that he is employed by
the various. benevolent societies to remember
the poor
young lady of Montgomery, who was re-
Gently caught smoking cigar, gave it as her
reason for the act, shat it made it smell as
though there was a man around."s
'My son." said a man of doubtful morals, put.
ting his hand on the head Of young urchin,
81 believe Satan has got hold Of you" II be-
lieve so too" replied the urohin.
ooh, where do you get the red for your cheeks?"
said pale, wan lady to bright Ching mink
s1W inrp tho ,yat thaiYa In Tho a;v md.
light" was the quick reply.
"see here. mister" said lad Of seven summers
who was driven up tree by a ferocious dog, ''if
you don't take that dog away, will eat up all
your apples"
A gentleman of Rochester, N. H., saw an I'd.
vertisernent that recipe for the euro Of dyspep-
STA might be had by sending postage stamp to
the advertiser. He was o victim and sent his
stamp. The answer was: "Dig in your garden
and let whiskey alone"
school girl Of ten summers purchased pair
OF boots. After wearing them one day, she found
they had broken out. She took them back TO
the man she had bought them Of and after OF.
in enough, were they 2" NO." she replied,
"but was" The clerks smiled.
~ expect" said young physician, on his way
to Jamaica, on hearing exaggerated rumors Of
the cholera, "to witness great many death.bed
scenes this summer" Doubtless" replied .
friend, :if you get much practice
Two lawyers in a certain town were returning
from court when one said to the other: 1--WE .
notion to Join Rev. Mr.. -s church; been
debating the matter for some time. What do
you think of III" Wouldn't do it," said the
other. "Well, why?" because it would do
you no possible good, while it might be great
injury to the church."
little girl doll baby As she left the house,
the little girl ran after her shouting, "Oh nam.
ma! don't want a doll baby: I'm tired of doll
babies. Bring me sure enough baby"
Speaking Of last words, that was strikingly
appropriate remark of a California stage driver,
who on his death bed was visited by a brother
"whip." Said he: "Bill, I'm on the down grade,
and l can't reach the brake !"
Advice by writer in the Paris Journal Anu.
SAINT: "If a lady says to you, 4 can never love
you, wait little longer; all hope is not lost
But If she says, No one has more sincere wishes
for your happiness than L. take your hat"
The female principal Of young ladies' .emi.
nary IN London, cures the innumerable cases of
failing in love" that occur among her pupils
She says the tea never fails. Sometimes the girl
gives in after few doses, but usually it takes
two or three days. and in one case she was
whole week in etfecting cure. For u school
girls "calf love" she declares there is nothing
like SIENNA tea.
WISER THAN SOLOMON "A Scotch clergyman
said one day to brother minister, who like
himself, was blessed with foolish youth for
son, "Dye ken, sir, you and I are wiser than
Solomon" "How can that be, mon ~ inquired
the startled clergyman. "Ou, ye see," was the
reply Solomon didna ken whether his son was
to be fool or wise man; but bath YOU and I
are quite sure that our sons are foolsv'
A little boy and girl had been cautioned never
to take the nest egg when gathering the eggs
but one evening the girl reached the nest first,
seized an egg and started for the house. Her
disappointed brother followed, crying. Mother
mother Susey she's been and got the egg the
old hen measures byw
A Hardshell Baptist preached in Washington
city lately, and took for his text, "God made
man in his own image" He then commenced,
San honest man is the noblest work of God"
Then he made long pause, and looked search
ingly about the audience, and then exclaimed,
"But opine God Almighty hasn't had q job in
this city for nigh unto fifteen years. C.ei.s
If you do not feel we'll, you send for doctor
he calls upon you, looks wise, sucks the head OF
his cane, scrawls some hieoglyhpios upon piece
of paper which you take to drug store, and
there pay Scots. to 500 beside the doctor fee,
for remedy nine times out Of ten not half as
good as Judsons Mountain Herb pills, which are