The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-04-30
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IL man can't help what is done
behind his back" as the scamp said
when he was kicked out of doors.
Intensely Polite.-The man who,
as he passed hen on her nest, raised
his hat and said; "Don't rise ma'am,'
- She that marries mau because
lie is "good MATCH" must not be sur
prised if he turns out a Lucifer.
~ hate to hear people talk behind
ones back as the robber said when the
policeman clied stop thief
- A man who got drunk at an ell
ection said it was owing to his Efforts
to put down "party spirits"
- When was Ruth very rude to
-Boaz? When she pulled his ears and
trod on his corn.
--s'Mamma," said promising youth
of some four or five years, IF all
people are made of dust, amt niggers
made of coal-dust?" -
- A printers apprentice says that
at the office they charge him with all
thepi they find and at home they charge
hi II with al they don't find.
- Here is a concise but hopeful love
letter written by a Colorado miner
Laven years is rather long to kort cal
but lie have you yit, Cate
- A False friend is like shadow
on a sundial, which appears in fine
weather, but vanishcs at the approach
of a cloud.
A Welsh proyerb-If woman
were as quick with her feet as with her
tongue she'd catch-lightening enough
to klndle the fire i'll the morning.
- genius ont in Iowa has Just in
vented wooden horse that viii jump
thirty miles an hour. The motive pow
er is bagof fleas.
- 1t takes three hundred and TWEEN
ty rods to make mile, but the devil
and two other Radicals are enough to
make one Ution league.
- a question by and to the young
and beautiful-.W hat" asked Mary of
Cecilia, dearest what do Won think is
really the food of Cupid" And Cecilia
answered s'Arrow root
Epitabh on tombstone in Eng
land:
Here lies, and what is rather rarlsh,
Twas bred, born and hanged in this ere
pvrish.
Jury" said an Arkansas Judge.
'you kin go out, and don't show your
ugly mugs till you find verdict. II yo1
cant hnd one of your own, get the one
the last jury used,"
"A carpenter, working on the top
OF house, happened to fall down
through the rafters. -"Or' says by
stander. like such a fellow nightly:
.1or he IS man that goes through his
work.
- There is man In the West who
has moved so often that whenever
covered wagon comes near his house his
chickens all fall on their backs and cross
their legs ready to Stied and carried
to the next stopping place.
After Marriage. --"Henry. love.
wish you would throw away that book
and talk to me. feel so dull" "a
long silencs, and no reply.) "Henry,
dear,my foots asleep" SIS it? Wen
don't talk; you might wake it up"
- sHow do you like me now p asked
belle of her spouse, as she sailed into
the room with sweeping train of mus
lin following her. "Well, )" said he, sto
tell yon the truth, it is impossible Tor
me to like you any longer"
"A devotee of Bacchus was over
heard the other night thus addressing
his hat, which had fallen from his head:
"lf | pick youu up, fall; if / tall, you
Will not pick Inc up; then leave you;"
and he staggered proudly away.
- A Boston paper saws they drive
their velocipedes so fast in the streets
of that city that every collision results
in the total disappearance of both
riders and machines. No fragments
are ever found.
No, Josh, / was neber drunk.
but / was toxicated once on ardent
spirits, and dat's enuif for dis niger.
DE Lord, If my head didn't feel as II ali
de niggers III dc world was splittin
wood in it.
- An impecunious country editor
duns his patrons as follows. A man
might as well attempt to quench the
phosphorescent ema nation from the
tail end of a tightening bug with a
squirt gun as to trY't run newspaper
without money"
a - The suffering editor of a county
newspaper thus takes leave of his rea-
ders: The sheriff is waiting for MS in
the next room, so We have no oppor-
tunity to be pathetic. Major. Nabem
says we are wanted and must 90. De-
linquent subscribers, you have much to
answer for. Heaven may forgive you,
but we never can."
- Harry M'Arthy used to tell of
an lrishman who was seen az the trench
es OF Yorktown holding his hand above
the earthworK. His Captain asked:
what are you dong that for, Pat He
replied with grim and working of
his fingers: am feelin' for a filrlongh,
sure ~ just then q mimic ball struck
his arm just below the wrist. Slowly
drawing it down and grasping it with
the other hand to restrain the Hood. a
queer expression of pain and humor
passed over his lace as he exclaimed: