The Van Buren press., 1869-07-13
The Josh Billings Papers.

The GoTE.--The cote IL koarsc wollcn
sheep.
They hav split hoof and a whole tail
They hava good appetite, and sanguine
digestion.
They swallo what they eat, and will eat
ennything they can bite.
Their moral karakters are not polished
they had rather steal rotten turnip out ov
garbage.box, than tew cum onestly b a
pek ov oats.
The male cote haz two horns on the ridge
Of hiz he'd, and a mustash on hiz bottom
lip, and IL the plug ugly sv his nabcrhood.
A maskuline cote will fte ennything,
from an elephant down to hiz shadder on a
ded wall.
They strike from their but-end, insted ov
sholder. and are az likely tew hit az ham
mer iz u nailhed.
They are hi seazoned auimsl. az mutch
SO AZ pound ov assifdity.
They are faithful critters, and will stick
tew q friend az long AZ he lives in a shanty.
They kan kline onnything but grssst
pole. and know the way up rock, az nat
raj q woodvine.
They are az certain tew raizc az yung
ones, sum famileys are haf gotes, and the
other haff children. They are good eating
when they are yung. but they leave it oph
AZ they get stronger
They are alwus poor in the boddy, but
phatt in the stumick. what they eat seems
10 all go to appetight, yu mite az well
agree tew phatt an injun-rubber over shew
b. filing it with klam shells. az tow raise
emmy edipoze membrane on the outside bust
Ov cote.
A phatt cote would be literary curios-
itv
They use the same dialekt az the sheep,
and the yung ones speak the language moro
fuently than the parents do.
1have iz only two animals ov the earth
that will eat tobakko--one IL q man and
luther IL q cote. but the cote understands
it the most. for he swallows the spit, chaw
aud all.
The male cote, when he is psnsiv, IL
a venerable and philosophy looking old
ouss. and wouldn't make bad professor
ov arithmetic in sum ov our colleges.
They are handy at living = long time,
reaching an advanced old age without ar
irving at emmy definite konklusion.
How long gotc lives without giving it
up, thars IL no man now old nouff tew
tell.
Methuzelcr. If hiz memory waz bad at
forgetting. mite give a good sized guess, shut
unfortunately foi science and this es,a,
Mcthuzcler amt here
Gotes will live in emmy klimate, anl on
emmy vittles, except tanbark. and il they
cum to square DEATH it iz profound Sc
kret, in the hands of alfew, to this day.
Iwouldn't like tew beleave emmy man
under oath who had ever seen n.sskuline
cote scktually die, and stay So
In writing the history ov the male and
female gose. tsw adorn the pages ov futer
times, / flatter miself that hav stuck tew
the truth, and haven't allowed mi imagin-
ashun tew boss the job.
a CRATE menny ov eur best bilt historians
are apt tew mistake opinyuns for facts. this
il an sasy mistake tew make, but whom
strike goose. or bed bugg, or cote. yu no
tis one thing, stay with Them. Finis.
NAIL IN THE Foor.-To rclievs from the
terrible effects OF running . nail in the foot
Of man or horse. take peach leaves. bruiss
them, apply to the wound, confne with
bandage. They euro as II by magic. Re
INV tlss application twice q day. Il nscsssa-
". but one application uslslly docs the
wvsk. ! have cured both man and horse
Mg fUw hours. when they wsrS sppsuntly
On the peias Of having the lock Jaw. This
sssips, Ssmsmbsred and pracsicsd. will save
many valuable livss.-Cian. Gazette Cor