The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1869-11-30
From the New York clipper'l
Master Rob on Anfmais'
-aDCEG.


Horses ;s a animal They wear four legs
and four fset hut don't wear any toes. As
tbsv liant ii on their shoes, they have them
na;isd IN TO their feet, so they needn't take
,sm off and they amt no bother. Their feet
are so heavy, that if they could do a clog
dance they needn't have to bring any wooden
shoes. Horses is got a pretty big mouth and
a orful tongue, and very big teeth, and when
he latfs his big teeth looks VERY funny
Whenever he goes out ridin he has piece of
iron put in his mouth to steer him. He chews
this iron and makes froth come out of his
mouth. l wish could 60 out ridin as much
as a horse. Horses is got nice big taie, Hlaue
OF horSe-hair, which he swings against Inc
flies. l wonder how he makes it swing.
Horses is helthy cos they are SO regiar.
They don't often git drunk, ana never saw
horse smoke eSce Their ie e,ub nI bnwe oeen
is VERY poor They don't git nothin but
straw and such orful stuff. Their bed is male
of straw and when they git hungry at night
they chew their bed. You mustn't fool with
a horse, cos he might kick you in the belly.
and if he does give you a square kick. YOU
must double yourself up right away, and you
won't fool with horse any more.
sum horses git borky, and won't move.
Then they git licked like thunder, and then
they won't move yet. Then they get tied to
git no supper that night.
Sum horses gifts the blind staggers. This is
putty hard. They shake themselves orlul,
and take a rest on the ground. Then some
body puts a bottle of brandy in their throat.
The horse swallows it, and makes out it
didn't do him no good. Cos horses is putty
smart, and he wants some more. But he gifts
fooled on that, cos when they see it didn't do
him no good they cut out big slice of his
tongue, and he bleeds so much he gifts scared.
and soon gifts over it, and he kant never lick
out his mouth again after plate of straw.
Decos MS tongue is spoiled Horses mostly
always wears the same clothes. He has got a
putty big nose, and he makes a orful noise
when he blows it, but he don't use no hand
kerchief 800
sum horses can run mile in less than two
minutes. Sum kant. Most on 'em kant.
Car horses is got smaller mouths nor other
horses, cos they don't git the sides of their
mouth pulled back much
1t is a nice thing to go horseback riding, on
the top OF a horses back. If he didn't 90
quick enuf, you can kick him in the belly
with your heels, and he can't kick you back,
cos he can't reach up high enuff.
But ii you make him mad he kan chuck
you off pretty good. faint very nice to be
shucked of, cos he kan kill you if he knows
how to chuck you all right. If had to be a
horse I'd be circus horse, cos they kan 90 to
circus every night and don't pay nothin.
They git fixed up pretty nice and cit good
gruo l bet you they amt satisfied to eat
straw. They don't have to work much. only
TO carry young ifellers and nice girls, which is
putty soft thing, especially the last. But
there amt no roses without thorns, and a
circus horse is got thorn in the person of a
orfui big whip, which the man always SLABS
at him.
A coal cart is the worst business a man can
get in. When horse can't run enpy more
ne Is put in coal cart which is a ruff lob.
Stage horses amt very putty, but THEY'RE
coed. When they git tired they trip them
selves up, and fall down and have a little
rest. They are pretty smart.
DOGS.
Dogs is hitler than horses, They is the
faithfullest brute out there is. They stick to
you more than emmy other brute, 'cept mus
keeter. Evry one likes dogs, but for nv part
l don't see what they was made for 'cept to
ketch fleas and bite you in the leg Dogs
amt got no first name. They've only got one
name and there amt more than six dog names
altogether in the dickshunnary. The man
what invented dogs'names didn't have much |
TO DO. 1t is very funny thing that all MIA
'ui little dogs what kant run, apd what amt |
got any teeth, is called Danger, Lion. Tiger |
and such like heavy names.
Dogs must have good stummicks, cos thew |
ire always eatin when they git chance. 1 |
lever saw dog refuse to eat, even between |
meals.
Dogs is pretty smart, but they amt got no |
,ralns. They only got instinkt. Frinstance,
you chuck your boot at dog, he will run
way before the boot meets him Those is
nstnkt. 1t is VERY funny thing. So is a
logs tale after its been cut off close. There
little dog called King Charles. He is a
lo6oy dog. He don't associate with otherdogs
'n 10, ne is washed and ironed every day.
Inc iadles luv him and hug him all the |
lines. '0"o
Dogs is good to run after sticks. They
1on run unless you first spit on the stick.
wonder why they won't.
CATS.
Cats is the meanest of all insects. They
int sociable like dogs. If YOU even throw
at of roof, he'll get mad at you and scratch
ou when he gets chance, and he don't even
Ike you to spit tobaccer juice in his eyes,
'ats Is a heavy old singer at night when he
leets his friends on the roof. Cats is a home
rute. dom. think ever saw a man take a
at out for walk, like dorg. His clorz is
retty sharp and he hides them in his Toes
ATS is very suspicious. If they see YOU take
stone and aim at them, they sneak away
nd they think you're going to throw at them.
aus can't speak much-only one woodland
nat IS Meow" Dogs can only say "Bow,"
nd horses "Neigh." Mordl-The wonder
u human nature, cos if they all spoke the
anne word how hard it would be to tell one
n fe<x.. Il. 4