Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1869-07-08
The Irish Footman.

Lady H. was one Of the most amiablc, good
creatures that ever existed, yet Lady ii. did not
like 10 acknowledge that she was no longer
young woman. She bad arrived at that tick
lish are for females, forty-two, when her com
plcxion was no longer fresh as at twenty-five,
and her haissuddenly began to show gray tin's.
She did not like these signs Of precocions old
ace. To remedy the first, there were thon-
sand WAYS; but il took her some time to re-
fleet how to hide the second
At length she determined to have il dyed,
very properly considering that wig, or even
false hair. is always detestable. So she sent
for Mr.. Donegan, we'll known hair-dyer, and,
after learning that the process i,selfonly lasted
single half-hour, and that the very following
moment her locks would shine in all the re-
splcndcncy of polished black jet, she determin-
ed, as she was engaged that evening to Hert-
ford House, to make her appearance there In
all the glory of renovated youth. She accord
ingly bid Mr.. Donegan TO come at eleven at
night when his entrance, his exit, and above
all, bis business, was least likely to be known
or observed.
The evening came-thc dyer Of hair was
anxiously expected by Lady II. Her toilet
completed, her ladyship began to watch anx-
iously the dial Of her drcssing-room clock
Butall in vain Eleven struck, half-past eleven
came. and no Mr.. Donegan.
{" Run down, Charlton said Lady II. to her
maid, "run down andas Matthew if the hair
dresser has not yet come
The appeal was made to Matthew Riley, the
Irish footman, who stoutly averred that the
coi6eur had not called
at is very odd" said her ladyship, when
Charlton returned, for heard the bell ring
twice. But never mind, he can't be long"
and she resumed reading her favorite study,
"Rcjccted Addresses"
The bell again sounded, but without result;
and poor Lady II. began to fear she would lose
the pleasure of meeting the Prince Regent for
that evening. The patie- &C Of female has
always conclusion so when the ring was re-
peated, she turned round, and desired her
maid to run down, as she felt assured that no
one but her hair-drcsscr could possibly call at
such an hour.
Charlton went, and found Matthew in tow
erins passion.
"Is that the hair-drcsser? ?"
"No, it's not" and he turned ansrily away.
"Who was at the door,"
Don't bother The dirty backguard"
and the footman turned away, muttering
Charlton returned to her mistress, who, being
anything but satisfied with the answer, again
sent her down to know who it was that had
been there.
Matthew looked very angry when the query
was put 10 him. and began murmuring some
thing to himself obout the rascal" andkick-
ing and beating, and all sorts Of ill-tempcred
threats.
"That's nothing to DO with it," said his fsl-
low-servant "Who was il rang?'
"a blackguard."
"Who?7
"An impudcnt blackguard by dad, il l
had him in Ireland I'd tache him better"
"Who was it2"
al don't know the theft of the world?"
"What did he want p
Want, is it?-want? Sure III bo after
telling ye, as ye're so curious, for it's myself
asked him the question"
"Well, so on"
"Says ], What DO you want at this hour,
my fine lad 2"
"'I'll tell your missus,' said be. Deuce
bit, till we've toud me first by businessis
with the lady, says he II will keep warm
till Tomorrow, then says ! (; for deuce an
inch you get in till know what you want
"Can you keep secret" says hc9
Can duck swim ? says I. Upon that, hc
came close to me, and says he, But arrab, you
won't believe me-
"'In Indeed, will
"'Well, then says he, I came 10 die hare.
{ Die harel' says !, Yes, says he. And
where would you wish TO dicr says ]. In
your missus' room, said lie. So, with that
slammed the door in his face"
Indeed Then you have done wrong
said Charlton, ready TO die with laughing.
"By dad, he came back again, just now, and
says be again, as pert as may be, Tell your
missus I'm come 10 die hare"
"Well, what did you say7'
"What did say7 Sure ] said what every
honest boy would"
"And what was that 2
"Be jabers," said !, "ye're big blackguard
and an ugly Christian and if you die here, III
be mistaken. Go somewhere else and die, you
scamp of the world Die here, indeed Sol
gave him push, and shut the door in his face,
and by dad, I'm thinking he'll never come here
again to die"
The mistake was too ludicrous. Even Lady
II. laughed at it, although deprived that night
Of pleasant royal rout
A fellow in New Orleans, affected with ma
Il l. - L.