Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-06-04
HlllllOr.

60 down.
The latest name fer matrimony is 'c5m-
hitting twolci.le y
How should steamboat captains treat the
passengers They shaHld have proper
deck oer'm (decorum.
What's the difference between an over
coat and baby? An oyercoat is what you
wear (were) and a baby is what you was.
During an examination, medical student
being asked the question, when does morti-
fication ensue? when you pop the question.
and are answered no
A Man that marries widow is bound to
give up chewing and smoking. If she gives
up her weeds for him, he should give up the
weed for her.
A man came into printing Office to beg
paper. 'Becuse.' he said, we like to read
the newspapers very much. but our neigh
bors are all too stingy to take one.'
A lady Just arrived in Washington espied
the dome of the capital, and inquired if it
were the works. Eyes said bystander.
"for the nation"
"Havs you ever broken q horse?' in
quired horse jockey. 'No, not exactly
replied Simon; "but I've broken three or
our wagons.
A young lady went into Music Store,
the other day, and asked for 'feline intes-
tines for lyrical purposes" She was accom-
modated with cat-gut guitar strings.
.'There, now," exclaimed little girl,
while rummaging drawer in bureau,
"grandpa has gone to heaven without his
spectacles." 4sg
Mr.. johnson asks "Whose ass have l
taken ?" No prominent member of the Radi-
cal party is missing that we know Of
Philadelphia Age.
Some slanderer says the old folks 60 to
church to close their eyes, and the young,
to eye their clothes We don't think this
is true, of the young ladies. at least. They
90 for religious worship and to see the Sans
and Hims.
OVERRIDING TIE MATTER.-An elderly
lady, who had insisted on her ministers
praying for rain, had her cabbage cut up
by hailstorm and on viewing the wreck,
remarked that she "never knew him to un-
dertake anything without overriding the mat
ter"
''Dar are" said sable orator, '.two
roads through this world. Do one am a
broad and narrow road that leads to perdi-
ton, and de udder am narrow and broad
road that leads to sure destruction" eff
dat am de CASE" said sable hearer, eds
colored individual takes to de woods"
A gentleman in Wales who was Boosting
of the antiquity Of his family, which he
traced back to the time of Noah, was
told that it was a mere mushroom compared
with another family whose pedigree filed
five large skins of parchment, near the mid
die Of which was a note on the margin
"About this time the world was created"
"Does the dentist kiss you when he pulls
your teeth, pa ?"
''No, my son why?"
"Oh, nothing; only he kissed ma, and
she said it took all the ache away, and 1
guess it did, for she laughed all the way
home"
a lady on the shady side of fifty, recently
married to fast young man. went to take
leave of him at the station on the occasion
of his departure on business tour s'Re-
member. dear Charley" she cried, as the
train began to move, THAT you are mar
ried"
To which he replied. ''Dear Caroline, I
,o1xa sc L q.
knot in his handkerchief.
Two. negroes Of Augusta, Ga went out
to fight duel the other day; but while,
they were shaking with pistols in their hands,
shrewd old negro present. after examining
the challenge and acceptance, called halt,
remarking: dem dar papers amt fix up
'cordin' to de code, and dis dam foolishness
is about to git some niger in jail" Where
upon the belligerents calculated each to his
second, "TAank de Lord p and went home.
A little girl in Sunday school was ask
ed by teacher:
MARY, do you say your prayers morning
and night?"
"No, Miss, I DON'T
"Why, Mary are you not afraid to 90 to
sleep in the dark without asking God to take
care Of you and watch over you until the
morning.
mo, Miss, [ amt afraid, cause l sleep
in the Middle" tEa 11rlfl 4a
Pat was helping Mr.. Blank, lawyer, to
get IL safe into his Office. one day, and not
and being acquainted with the article, in
quired what it was for.
"To prevent paper and other articles
which are placed in it from being burnt in
case of fire." said Mr.. B.
AN sure viii nothing ever burn that is
placed in that thing ~
mo"
"Well, then. yer honor, yed better be
gettin' into that same thing when ye de-"
SAYING GRAcE.-A good story is told Of
an eccentric old gentleman, who although
occasionally addicted to the habit of swear
ing, was still punctilious in regard to saying
grace at his table, and this he never omitted
on any occasion The story runs. that, on
holiday. the old gentleman invited sea
captain. Jolly old weather beaten tar of his
ACC uaintancc, to dine with him. They sat
down to dinner. and the old gentleman, &C.
cording to custom. commenced saying grace !;
but the captain, whose attention had bees
diverted for the moment, hearing the old
gentleman speak. thought he was addressing
him, and turned to him with, "What did
Won saw souira 2'7 ssWby dit man Pm