Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-02-09
Joe Ransom on Earthquakes.

GU are talking of earthquakes, are you, !"
asked Joe Ransom, as he came staggering into
the one-horse tavern at Ransomvie, where the
loafers were discussing the recent shaking up
in the Golden State
''Do you know anything about them p ques-
toned old Deacon Spikenard, pausng for a mo-
ment in his persistent efforts to moisten the
clay with the aid of spiced rum and water.
Know anything about 'em. I've been thar
just look at me ~ t.a
Joe took off his hat, and if there was. ever a
perfect specimen Of diapdated human nature
it was he You might have examined his
head with the aid of a double lens, complicated
extra powerful microscope, and failed to dis
cover the first sign of hair. His face was sal
low and llned-the skin wrinked like antigua
ted parchment-his eyebrows and lashes were
gone, and his teeth ratified in his cavernous
mouth like peas 10 dry bladder He looked
as if he had just been run through tanning
mill turned by whirlwind, or hetcheling ma
chine driven by Niagara p e>'AA'3
We'll. said the deacon, gasping from the
combined effects Of rum and astonishment.-
been there u -'.' u
''To be sure [ was-just came from there. =
Had most thunderation time-shook all my
hair oH-carried away my whiskers, and just
continenty stirred my old snags as if there had
been Vermont stump machine working at them
with forty pair of cattle. Been thar? should
rather think had some" RI
Tell US something about it. Must have
been a general conglomeration, heyY'
Should think it was. tell you, California
IS some on big things-bears, timber and such
like; but the arthquake knocks the spots out
of all of 'em"
More severe than in other places, Joe o
hold Al
thick through as forty hay stacks split into the
finest kind of matches; rocks as big as the old
meetln house fyin' about like chaff-' @ lFi
You can chaff US, Joe"
Fact, pom honor. AS for bricks. the air
was thicker with them than hair on poodle
dog. Saw the heaviest anchor of man-of-
war shook into shinge nails, and the chain was
twisted into fiddle-strings. Even saw an hon
est man shaken out of the Government stores. y
Il can't swallow that, joe
There were cracks in the arth more than
ten miles across, and [ tell you it was mighty
queer to look down into them 1t was lust like
looking at great kettle of boiling molasses.
with popcorn dancing around it. | tell YOU. it
was grand. And, would you believe it =? there
were men and women and children-sorter half
human and half MISUNDERSTANDING around
and making out as If it was fun. Then the
houses danced around like drunken Digger Tn.
dians. saw whole block coming down the
street, come into collision with another. and
there was nothing left of them but dust. As
Tor i the men and women, they foated around
like feathers Yes, you bet, it shook sorne-
Shook all the vegetables out of the ground. all
the milk out Of the COWS, all the eggs out of
the hens, and all the greenbacks out of nv
pockets"
is that true, Joe?'
Certainly: | never tell lies fabout little
things. 1t shook so hard that all the CLANS in
the bay were left without shells. all the fishes
without scaes-shook all the oil ont of tbe
whales on the coast and the deviltry out of the
Indians" WV
THAT couldn't be-
''Iell you it was. It shook all the gold 70
the surface, SO that You could shovel it nm bv
the cart load. Pshaw the yellow stuff wasn't
of any accommodated it back into the gans
glad to get it out Of sight
but how did you lose your hair and
Tell you how it was. | saw a pretty girl
floating around in the centre of the earth. T
thought she .winked and beckoned to me. and
l just dove down something over ten millions
of feet to embrace her. Whew! didn't 7 GET
hot BATH"
''Andlthe girl, Joe-the girl?'
II was about to put my arms around her.
when-great Jupiter Ammon I got such
hoist that, when | came to my senses, I found
myself sitting straddle of the Nevadas. Then
there came another quake, and-here [ am
Something hot would do me good lust now, dea.
con. Suppose you order it. F" PIG