Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-07-09
10 : 80
ITIInlOr.

2 P .l
Wbv do .sbirds in their little nest agree?"
Because they'd fall out if they didn't. SO
A rAcr-Courtship is bliss, but matr-
mony is blister. zaf.s-4 t.f t3Ii.l
It is said that fowls arc the most economi-
cal things farmers can keep, because for
every grain they give peck IL 9Ai'4s 'a'@
It's good sign to see man advert se
in the papers-bad to see the sheriff adver-
tise for him. .ttr
Next to hypocrisy in religion, there is
nothing worse than hypocrisy in friend
ship.
A young NJ. D. having asked permission
sion Of girl to kiss her, she replied, mo
thank you, never like adoctor's bill stuck
in my face" 90 .-. i3s.r -''.t aais
A married lady being asked to waltz, gave
the following sensible and appropriate an
swer, "No. thank you sir. ! have hugglng
enough at home" a43# 1n'
Speaking Of the coming fourth Of July, a
gentleman says that it can be .'properly OBJ
served" by people going to church and be-
having themselves, as it comes on !. sunday
Some ungenerous biped has a patent med
icinc to make fellow rise early in the morn
ing. A correspondent says SIX months
old baby can beat it to death. ~. 20.
A man called another an extortlonerl for
suing him. "Why, my friend. replied the
man who brought the suit, Il did it to oblige
YOU ITO oblige me. indeed-how SO r
''Why, to oblige you to pay me-"
A Joker lately declared that a blind man
by taking something from the breakfast ia
bic. recovered his sight What did he
take? He took tea-cup and saucer (saw,
sir.) es ~.
Shocks wonders where all the pillowcases
GO to. He says he never asked woman
what she was making while engaged on plain
sewing without being told it was a pillow
case DHs.t
dear son, come home-a rolling stone
gathers nc moss Your afectionate mother,
till DEATH 'Dear mother, won't come
hone-a setting hen never gets fat Your
aifeetionate SON." 7t-,t.n. 4L l53 y
II say, milkman, you give your cows too
much salt" "Why,-how do you know
how much salt give them ~ Il judge
from the appearance of the milk you bring
us lately. Salt makes the COWS dry, and
then they drink SO much water, that itmakes
their milk thin, you know" '''" . s,.'s
THAT'S tarnation tall horse" said Laid
law. Eyes I guess GU can't accout for
it." replied Jonathan. 'No how" said
Laidlaw. she belongs to Hummins, the
livery man." replied Jonathan, 'and STALL
ness comes through his having been regu-
larly Aigher'd (hireD every day for the last
seven years" ...I- r9t & p
A railway accident lately occurred, caused
by the axle of a tender giving way, detain-
ing the train several hours. A lady inquir-
ed Of gentleman passenger why it was so
delayed he grayely replied, Madam, it
was occasioned by what is often followed by
serious cousequeBees-the sudden breaking
of tender attachment"
A clergyman, who was consoling young
widow on the death of her husband spoke in
very serious tone, remarking that he was
'ssuch jewel Ct . ghristian-you cannot
find his equal you we'll know.' To which
the sobbing one replied, with an almost bro
ken heart, "Tll bet will. " ~ '''- ~ ''
At debating club the question was dis
cussed, whether there is more happiness in
the possession or pursuit Of GO object Mr..
President, said an orator, s'sqppose I was
courtin' gal and she run away, and was
to run after her; wouldn't be happier
when cotch't her than was running after
her?
Boggs likes warm bed One morning
an agent for patent fre-extinguisher tried
to sell him a recipe .'Look here" said
Boggs, "Lf you've got anything that'll save
me from getting out of bed in the cold every
morning tobuild FIRE for my wife to get
breakfast by, I'll buyit, but don't come
round here trying to sell stuff to put EN-
out it's too much trouble to start them %
CHARGISG TIE JURY "A dutch judge in
the western country presided at trial for
murder and on rising to deliver the charge,
observed that the prisoner was playing che
qucrs with his custodian, while the foreman
Of the jury was fast asleep. Replenishing
the ample judicial chair with his broadcast
person, he thus addressed the jury:
.'Misder yoreman and t'oder jurymans
Der prisoner, Hans Vickter, is vinished his
game nit der sheriff, and has peat him, but
I shall take care he don't peat me- Hans
has peen tried for murder before you, and
you must bring in der yardiek, but it must
pc 'cording to the law. De man he kilt
wasn't kilt at all. as was proved he was in
Jail for sheep. stealing. ...,-.-....,,-,
'Put dat lish no madder Der law says
ven tore ish a tout you give 'cm to der bris-
oner, put here, tere ish no tou't-so you see
der prisoner ish guilty. Pesides. he is 2
great lcafer. haf know'd him Witty years,
and he hasn't tone I. stitch Of work in all
that dimes, and dor ist no defending ubon
him for der Twin and he is no use to no
poty. [ dink it would pc 8 goot plan to
hang him for de EXAMPLE. I t,nk, Mr..
Voreman dat he peter pc hung next feurt'
of July, as der militia ish goin' to dram in
nodder country. and der pc no vongoln' on
here" ...,-.,
1t should be added, to the credit of the
jury, in spite Of this Learned and impartial
charge" they acquitted the "brisoner