Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1869-02-26
NIORSONiE.

Up to snutt-A neglected. candle
Filtration is defined as the &c preliminary can
ter Of love-making'
Of what poet does the pleurisy remind You,
Akensiie.
Variety is the spice Of life ; hut for m apple
pie allspice is the thing.
4 man Of eminent reputation with cutane-
Gus disease says be IS certain Of niche in the
temple Of fame.
If a woman were TO change her sex, what >or-
Of a being would she become She would be 70
he then a helthen.
Sc Mamma, " said promising youth Of four
or FIVE summers, '' if all the people are male Of
dust, amt colorei men made of coal-dust,''
An Indictment in North Carolina court
charges a man with stealing peck Of pots-
toes alias a calico dress
The manner in which they weigh hog in
New Jersey, It is said, is TO pu- the hog in one
scale, and some stones in the other, and then
guess AZ the weight of the stones.
Il hope to live TO See the day said Lord
Brougham, '' when every peasant in England
can understand Newton . Wouldn't It be bet
ter that they had a little bacon first '' inquired
Ccbaett
\ letter received In st. Louis a few days ago
bore the following address - Sankluis Aiishuri.
n1rd Amerika suehlng > stras-e Numors lDa.
- What is de difference 'twixt watch and
fedler bed, SAM IS Dunno ; gin it up
Be Because lie t.kin Of De watch IS de inside,
and lie tickin Cd ie bed Is on le outside
A boy eight years Old. in one Of our public
Q. nH is an
animal that c7eeps." on being asked 10 name
one on examination day. promptly and triumph
antly replied, Sc q ba5y.'
The New York Times wittily states the differ
ence between the two parties on the financial
question TO lie that the republicans are IN favor
Of specie payments, while the democrats hvoc
specious payments
Ir Is "a common say iu., tina, the lower orisr Of
animals have not the vices Of man yet It is
certain that some Of the insects are t1c.-hi-ers.
aul all the quadrupeis are taie-beaTers-
a celebrated French preacher, in sermon
upon the duty Of wives, said. '' SEE IN th.s
congregation a woman who has been guilty Of
disobeiience to her husband, anu In order to
point her ont | viii fling ny breyiary al her
head He lifted his book. and every female
head instantly duckei-
The poet says, .' There IS % tide inthe 4tiairS
Of man which, taken at the fool, leads On 10
fortune" sc. The trouble with many j. that
they get stuck IN the mud AZ low water-mars.
and are thus overwhelmed by the sweeping tide
THey are unwary fis- that have .valkei into the
SPIDERS parlor.
4 gentleman. who had the misfortune TO mar
rs a fortune. was once exhibiting the fine points
of his horse TO friend '' Ny horse, if YOU
pelse,' said his wife ; '' my money bought that
horse =. Yes madlm.- replied the husband,
bowinc. q" anil vour money bought me too
A man from the country was aceosJei by a
Chicago juvenile with the usual question
Black YOUR boots sr,'' '- No % Black
-efa for fve cents 81. No Sc III do 'em for
nothing ,'' 8. An right The young hopeful
set about his work with great relish, and soon
had one boot in bright, shining condition. Them
turning up his face TO the blaekee. he gravely
announced - Now, you'll have to give me a
/ quarter to DO the other.
A little boy had bis first pocket knife, aui for
several days used ii himself, and extenied the
privilege If the occasional use Of his treasure %
Lis playmates One evening be was kneeiiuE At
his mother knee, saying his customary prayer,
which he closed in these words and please
. God give little Jimmy Bailey aLniie of his own,
50 he won't want 10 borrow mine all the time ~
An oil woman felt very unwell lately. SO that
sine requested her daughter 20 seni ;lr the par
.0u. He arrivel and asked what he could dp
for her, o. sir said she, =. am indeed
SEX Sleep can never get Now, if you viii
/ only preach little to me. think can fall
asleep, rs | always slept during your sermons At
church The parson left dsgusted.
I John CLiuamau in California IS clear at a bar
[ gain His ileas Of the '' credit system are
extremely slfe though rather vague mer
chant Of un0ouuiei credit jim san Francisco re-
Gently applied 20 a Chinese merchant, through
his agent. TO purchase a cirgo Of rice on time
I The agent duly set forth the opuience, standing,
Nc, Of his principal, to which Chinaman re-
I Piled ' Yes, him welly good man Me trust
/ ee. him pay me one-halp cash-ee, ether half
when me deliber rice-ee.''
/ In a certain Sabbath school, the superinteni-
eut made a powerful appeal to the scholars TO be
active and useful and among other things be
told them they should all De locomotives, each
taking along his train to heaven The next Sab
hath. lust as tho school opened, in came one Of
the best and most Jealous boys with thirteen
new scholars behind him and went up the aisle
/ utteriura uoise-ch00, choo-imitative Of the
/ enrine, TO the amazement Of the superintendent
/ and scholars What does this mean - aske-i
the astonished superintendent. g. Why an
swered the boy, 9" YOU said we must all be loco
motives. and here am with thirteen ears behind
me-
NV SoNGs.-s. The Sailors Sueeze,' by the
author Of The Soldiers Tear" Samuel In
/ velope bv the author Of - Katy's Letter.
=. The First Rows Of Cabbage, by the author ot
The Last Rsse Of Summer 'Green Eyed
BIZ = bv the author Of " Black Eyei Susan
{. The Liver Dried up" Indian romance, BY
the author ef The Heart Bowed Down
"a How dive do, my crank-built Dingey, by the
/ author Of. Farewell, my trim-blilt Nherry
JOSH BILLING's ANSWER TO C1RREroNn-
I ESr e Biscuit In reply to yure questions,
/ would hurriedly state that the toad is domestik
I animal. or can be made so, by coaxing him INTO
a barrel, and shutting up the bung-hole. They
stand in the same relation to a frog that a Dutch
man duz to a live Yankee They amt 50 sud
den ,ai;ed az the frog. They lead very retired
and peusive life during the day, behind stun
walls, but when twilight begins tew dress FOR the
nigbt. then the toads and toaddesses begin to re-
connoitre round. They are said to be strictly
virtuous. but this incessant bummin round
nights. and keeping hid all day. haz eauzed me
TO suspicion the toad. If toads kan live apon
what they eat, they would be just the things to
stock boarding school with, for one fly and a
eounle of bugs IL all the meat they swant for a
fortnite. Toads are very lengthy tew hv-l
should think about 400 years. hev often
thought would buy one, and keep him TIL he
died, iist to get at their age.