Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-04-23

A man at New York Is learning K
ride the veloclnede Oh the tight rope
and proposes IN that way to cross th'
& Niagara. "-
! A deceived Tittsburger advertiseS
| thata baptist preacher, with long
pair of whiskers all over his face y
has eloped with his wife.
An exchange properly inquiries
whether it Is true that VIM. G. Bry.
ant is about to "wrap the drapery oil
his couch" about new bride.
A lawyer on his passage from Eu-
rope observed a shark, and asked a
sailor what it was, who replied.
Here we call 'em sea lawyers"
Menard, the colored man who failed
to secure seat in Congress, has es-
tablished a semiweekly paper-the
Radical TdRddrd-in New Orleans.
A sharp country paper says that a
boy i'm Boston has been arrested for
charging stranger half dollar to
go into the common to see the moon
rise.
An ungrammatical connumdrum !:
What is the difference between an
overcoat aud a baby? An overcoat is
what you wear (were), and a baby is
what you was.
An editor in Alabama had some
iron ore dug from his land last week,
made into iron, the iron into plows,
and the plows running before the
| close of the week.
1t Is not generally known that in
Canada the proprietors Of forests
may not fell their own timber. No
one is ever allowed to CIT when it's
his own deaf.
"Can | leave some tracts here,
mam?n asked city missionary the
other day. go yes, leave all the
tracks you like, with the heel
towards the door"
An Eastern exchange has this crd-
tim: "In our paragraph yesterday
concerning thirteen ministers who
had been spanked in infancy, for
spanked read sprinkicd,"
We noticed a fellow yesterday
wearing a very large ring with a
brilliant setting; but he wore it in
rather a queer place for a ring
around his eye.-Houstoa Telegraph
If you are a wise man you will
treat the world as the moon treats it.
Show 1t only one side of yourself,
seldom show yourself too much at a
time, and let what you show becalm,
cool and polished. But look at every
side of the world.
A German, at Lake Village, n. H.,
has received a pair of boots from Ger
many by mail. They have wooden
soles only an inch and a half thick
guarded by iron and studded with
brass nails. Cost seven dollars, post
paid.
A little boy met his Sabbath school
teacher, and innocently asked her if
to say "coffer dam" was swearing.
She replied, "No, my dear-what
makes you ask that question:" His
answer was, ~ saw an old COW down
the street yonder; she was nearly
choked to death, and thought she
would coffer-dam head off,"
"Why, you'd better knock The
door down. What do you want p
"Och, my darling! don't let me wake
any of your family; I'm just usin
your nocker to wake the peopl,
next door. I'm locked out, dye see
and they've niver a nocker." Rap
rap! rap!
One of the women hating news
papers is Mortified at the bare idea oil
comforting office upon women.-
Suppose" it says, THAT Susan b,
Anthony were to be made Presi'
dent?n Well, suppose she should
The worst that could happen would
be a little miss-government, and tha
is no new thing.-Chicdgo Post. ~a.
| London Fan says that the Peace
FSociety is considering the feasibility
of reazeering the height of the Alp.
below the line of perpetual snow
Their reason for wishing to do this il
that, at present, these mountains en-
danger the peace of Europe, as they
give rise to piques, and produce cool
ness between France and Europe and
Italy.
A veteran topper has been reading a
series Of articles on liquor adultera-
ton in New York-the analysis oil
the liquors showing an average OF
about sixty.five parts of water to
thirty-five of spirits. "They don't
give the spirits fair chance" said
the aged bacchanal; they'll keep
OH fooling with water till it depopu-
lates the earth again.
Some of our exchanges are getting
into the Police Gazette style of lite
rature; that is, they are becoming
filthy blackguards. The sensation
styles ought to blast any paper, in
the estimation of God, man, and the
angels. It's cheap way of selling q
bright mission to the devil. An edi-
tor, we think, ought not to publish
anything that will be injurious when
read in the family circle Hiaterset
San.
The New York Home Journal says
that the newest idea i'm waltzing in
sists that instead of clasping the
lady's hand, or even her finger'tips,
the gentleman shall bend his left
arm at about the same angle with
which fashionable girl carries her
parasol, the lady supporting herself
by placing her hand against his arm,
in the hollow of the elbow. Thus
he carries her around delicately,
without any of that contact which
condemns the round dances. This
mode is introduced by a single set of
exclusives, but its propriety must
commend it to all.