Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-02-26
mR. wILnlNs oN yELocIFEpns.
VOL. AZ: NO. 8.
BY JOHN QUILL.
''But Wilkins, Z

i tell you, Mrs. Wilkins, I'm not going
to have II; you may as well make up your
mind 10 that at once. No woman shall ever
20 prancing around this community on a
velocipede while she's wife Of mine if [
can help it; so you can Just take that old
pair Of wheels you brought home and glad
den the heart of some kindling wood man
with them, for ride on them you don't; If
you Do I'm a Dutchman; there
Mr. Wilkins you know Il
No don't know anything Of the kind.
Do you think 1 m going to let such look
log woman as you dress up in Boomers and
mount high hat and go around trying to
show off that figure
Mr.. Wilkins ~
go struggling around the thoroughfares
Of this town, looking ike an old beer-cask
propped up on TWO legs, showing those
ankles which are 50 thick that you couldn' t
get one Of them through the equator?
wilkins, 1 Iscratch---.
Well, should think not And, besides,
don't know whereabouts on this terrestrial
globe you expect to fad any wheels strong
enough to bear you. You'd smash a pair
Of cast iron carwheels into smithereens the
minute you sat down on them, you would.
The best thing you can do is to walk, and on
the ground, and that too, where the crust Of
the earth isn't thin; or else sit in front of
fire aud melt down your ayoirdupois
Mr.. Wilkins you're perfectly scandal
ous.
But, I'm not going to put up with it.
dom intend to have you Topping around
town on a velocipede, and very likely falling
of and breaking your bones, and then have
lot of doctors coming to my house and
making pos; n,ortem examinations and
saving you up, and discovering things with
hard Latin names in your lungs and your
liver, and your physique generally. Well,
I should think not It's bad enough to
have to submit to you now, without having
your gore split over the carpet, and parcel
Of sawbones blasphemiDg at your anatomy.
-
wilkins, amt you ashamed to talk
SOP"
''Iwant you to understand that if you
ride shat velocipade In sue for a divorce.
don't believe in woman exercising her
muscle on any such contrivance. You'd a
good deal better get a scrubbing brush, and
20 down aud tackle the front door steps with
some sand and a chunk ofsoap. That the
kind of exercise you want, in my opinion -
Mr. Wilkins, if you'll ouly listen"
''Or else practice carrying a coa' scuttle
up and down stairs every five minutes all
lay But as for the mother of family and
a fabby old girl of your years undertaking to
ride velocipede, why its simply ridicu-
Ious.
Mr.. Wilkins, I"
The next thing know, suppose you
will be paradiug yourself in the papers a,
Madame wilkins, the Champion Female
| NelocipediSt, and running mile heats on
| the Nicholson pavement for hundred dollar
purses, best two out of three. 4 beautiful
spectacle won't it be? And then | suppose
you Il want me to bet on you and back you
up; but not one cent Of my cash do YOU get.
Not a single, solitary red, Do you suppose
I'm going to throw away my hard earned
money on such a fanatic as you? Well, l
should think not. | wouldn't put up a
dollar on you if I was worth untold billions
[ m not proud of you; l want you distinctly
to understand that !"
"Mr. Wilkins, that's all nonsense.
And pretty example you are setting to
your children. Here only yesterday Holo
ferues Montgomery made velocipede out
of two -four barrel lids, and when he aud
Bucephalus Alexander tried to mount it, it
broke down and bit Mary Jane on the leg
and lamed her for life, while Holofernes
Montgomery fell over on the cat, which
yowled and spitted and scratched Holofernes
| Montgomery over tho GouGispiece, so thar
his beauty is destroyed, aud he looks more
ike you than ever I say it is perfectly
outrageous, and I'm not going to stand it. y
Mr. Wilkins? 0 if you listen ii tell
you something.
"Oh don want to hear it. We'lldis-
continue the conversation. I'm tired of
hearing you cackle. .
''Well that velocipede that came home
Never mind now. Iwant to goto sleep
Just give your tongue chance to rest, will
you.
''What for you. l heard you say you
wanted one, and 50 bought it out of the
market money l saved. But you treat me
ike such brute, that I-I-I-
For me did you say, Sarah? Well,
then never mind now Don't cry Sarah,
I say2 Never mind; won't do it again,
Sarah Don't cry Sarah? Oh well, cry
then; who cares? You're the most aggFa-
waiting woman that ever lived, III get on
| hat velocipede to morrow morning and
abandon you as sure as my names Wilkins