Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-06-04
lAlNlofnns.
Foo Signals Coughs and colds.

Dismissed suiis-East off clothing.
Stylish Conveyance Handsome cabs.
A good uniform for the letter carriers A
eeat Of mail.
4 stump orator a dentist who talks about
himselE
What Sind Of ease Is disliked by al2 Ans.
Disease.
a Fashionable party is nov called. Daugh
teresitural show.
ofall the dust thrown in men eyes, gold
dust is the most binding
Why are elections like tents Because tae
canvass ends at The polls.
Has been noticed that ladies who like
long trains are partial TO the outskir's2
LoArrRs, asa class, are no fools. They
are always an owing set Of fellows.
Traredbreast comes into your fruit garden,
does he come there a Robin?
Wny are the clouds like coachmen n Be
cause they hold the rains.
WHAr class If women are most apt to give
tone to society? The bellies.
M,aurNG and settling down is now called
60 operative hoose keeping.
No man VIII everbe able to build a house
BY carrying bricks in bis hat
Tins prettiest lining for bonnet is pretty
face.
Way Is your nose in the middle Of your
face? Beeause itis the seenter.
WuES is : blow from lady welcome ?
when she strikes you agreeably.
AMoxG the various stations in life the least
desirsBle ofaI is The police station.
WuG debt is that for which you can not be
sued The debt Of nature.
a ApAeewAap spring is produced by pre-
senting red hot poker to a man nose.
The su~est way to lose your own health is
to keep drinking other peoples
WY do chickens have no future exist
ence Because they have their uecks twirled
iolhis.
4 say, my littIe son, where does the right
hand read go to-? "Don't know, SIR; taint
been anywhere since We live here.
WnEs do literary ladies change color ?
when they are SO deeply read that they be-
come blue.
Iris true Of many men that their memory
is nothing but row Of hooks 10 hang up
grudges on.
Why is a married man Ikea candle Be
cause he sometimes goes out at night when
he ought not to.
Az freshman said he did not come to this
country fer want lie had abundance Of that
in his owu country.
A yerNG lady being asked why the noun
bachelor is singular, replied, because It's
very singular they don get married
MEg Of noblest disposition think them
selves bappiest when others share their
happiness with them.
TINS three essentials for happiness some
thing to do, something to love. and some
thing to live for.
WHo is the LATEST man2 The furniture
mani he keeps chairs and lounges about all
the time.
IT wasn't such bad notion on the part of
glover who hung up in his shop the follow
ing placard: .'len thousand hands wanted
Immediately.
JOSH BILLXGs says there are various kinds
of milk. There is sweet milk, sour milk,
skim milk, butter milk, COW milk, split milk,
ana the milk Of human kindness, but the
mostest best milk is the milk that hazzeat the
most water in it. Butter milk izzent the best
for butter
ALFxAypEs the Great, seeing Diogenes
loobiag attentiyely at parcel Of human
bones, asked the philosopher what he was
looking for.
''That which cannot find, was the reply,
"tbe difference between your father bones
and those of bis slaves.
A FEEycH officer, quarreIing with Swiss,
reproacbed him with his country's vice of
fighting on either side for money, while we
Frenchmeu, aaid he, fight for honor. -
''Yes, sir, replied the Swiss, "everY one
fights for what he mos wants.
A MISERABLE old farmer, who had lost one
Of his best hands in the midst Of hay.making,
remarked to the sexton, as he was filling up
the grave, 'I1's a sad thing to lose a good
mower in time like this; but after all, poor
Tom was a great eater!'
"IT is impossible, said one politician to
another, to say where your party ends, and
the opposition party begins Well, sir, re-
piled the other, you we're riding an ass, il
would be impossible to say where the man
ended and the donkey began
A DUrcHNAE once met an Irisbman on a
lonely highway AS they met, each smiled,
thinking he knew the other Pat. on seeing
his mistake, remarked with look Of disap-
pontment Faith, an I thought it was you,
an you thought it was me, an its nathur Of
US, The Dutehman replied ''Yaw, dat is
dhru; am anuder man, aud you is not your
self We poth be some other podies
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