The States and Union. [volume] (Ashland, Ohio) 1868-1872, 1869-05-26
THE SLAB-SIDED MARE.

The meanest man in Alabama was
a medical politician by the name of
Jehoram Grabber. He was six feet
four in his stockings, and the most
singular-looking customer in the uni
verse. His face was speckled as a
turkey egg; hair like the tree of heaven;
he was minus front teeth, and had
milk eyes and a pug nose. Oh! he
was beauty. Then his voice was be-
tween falsetto. Creaky hinge and
cross cut saw. Add to this a pious
drawl, and you have some idea of the
flesh and sound of this delectable old
NJ. D. ..
In the creation of Jehoram nature
had special mission. She wanted to
show the world how beautifully mean
man could be to live.
Now, this doctor was No. l cow
ard and first-class hypocrite. To
make himself tolerable among an ont
ragged people he took a wonderful in
terest in the church, and actually was
so overcome that he had the impu-
dence to exhort a congregation that
looked upon him with contempt.
1t wouldn't go down. People saw
through the, mean, superstitious ras
cal, and no one would sit in the same
pew with him.
Mean Why the fellow who skin
ned flea for its hide and tallow, and
then stole the pennies off the eyes of
his dead mother, was generous to him.
He would always continue to ap-
pear as benefactor, for the purpose of
taking advantage. He was posted in
financial trickery, and by unblushing,
wholesale knavery, managed to amass
nearly half a million.
In 1910 he aroused popular indig-
nation by three fresh villainies. Mum
Der one was to turn out of doors a
most worthy invalid widow and two
little children, because disease pre-
vented prompt payment of one years
rent. Number two was whipping
faithful and innocent servant to death
for alleged but unfounded misdemean-
or. The third was driving a good and
struggling man to hanging himself be-
cause of reduction to poverty by a
mortgage foreclosure.
This triple infamy had infuriated
the people for miles around. Many
were the VOWS of vengeance and nu-
merous threats sworn at his sanctimo-
nial approach.
Old Grabbler conceived an idea
that he had wonderful oratorical pow
er. Whenever he could get chance
to spout at a political meeting, he in
variably made fool of himself, and
was greeted with groans and Kisses.
The old scoundrel had another fan
Cyl may say an especial fancy-that
was, for rye-whisky. He was almost
never free from its influence, and very
frequently had a skin full.
1 have given a good idea of the
doctor. Now it is in place to bestow
word on his inseparable companion
This was one Betty; universally known
as the Slab-sided Mare. The animal
was pure white, and very large. The
enormous depth and thickness of her
body gave rise to the appellation of
.'slab- sided -,-4.. s--..
The doctor was a noted politician,
yet was always eager to attend gath
erfng of the opposite creed. 1t ap-
pears that at about three miles from
his home, there was to be a grand
and closing rally of the conflicting
party. At this place Jehoram had
many enemies. To this locality the
poor unhoused widow went after her
expulsion from a fayorite cottage
Her pathetic appeal infamed the
neighborhood, and eliminated m two
indignation meetings and caustic reso-
buttons. These were ordered to be
enorossed and sent to tha perpetrator