The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-10-08
THE WIFE'S SECRET.

dowment whatever, it is upon that hum
bic one of Common-Sense. live what i
called by the intellectual people a conven
tional life. have my pew in the neigh
boring church, and SIT in it twice ever,
Sunday. l know one captain in the army
just such a person as he should be-pol
ished, and yet ferocious, gentle to ladies
but rather insolent to civilian males, boast
full of his clubs, and giving all his leisure
time, which is considerable, to the cultiva
ton of his mustaches; but otherwise
am ignorant of the fashionable world ant
all its gay doings. have made no en-
deayor to break through the gilded pal,
that separates it from the steady going
middle class to which belong. do no
understand the feeling which prompts my
superiors to be ashamed of being seen il
an omnibus. Once every day / return from
the city in one and if it is wet use the
same conveyance in the morning to reacl
my office i pay my tradesmen weekly
My best sherry is ASS. a dozen; and when
the captain talks of vintage wines (as ht
will do by the hour at my table), otter
wonder what he thinks he is drinking
However, with true good-breeding, he i'm
bibes it in great quantities, as though il
were the best. do not keep a man-ser
want. Our cook cannot compass an ONE
tctte souftee. My wife trims her own bon
nets. We have eight children, who al
know the Church Catechism by heart, ex.
cept the baby and the last but one. In
short, more respectable and unfashion
able family than our own does not exist in
all Bayswatcr.
Under these circumstances, it may be
easily imagined that we are as free from
the vices of the great as we are without
their privileges; and this was, honestly
believe, the case until within a very recent
period. When 1 used to read in the
papers that the Lady Day Coltay (of Nor
man ancestry and bluest bloody had left
her husbands roof, and fled with Major
Flutterby of the Life Guards; or that it
was rumored among well-informed circles
that the gentleman of the long robe would
soon find employment in the domestic af-
fairs of his Grace the Duke of Belgravia,
L used to give prolonged whistle, and re-
mark: Here they are again" in general
reference to the habits of the hdm ton. /
knew that our hereditary aristocracy were
given to these escapades, which in my own
rank of life would certainly be crimes, and
l perused such details as theN press could
furnish with an avidity unalloyed, / am
ed to be reading of class of persons
whose way of life was too far removed
from my own to affect me, except as a
spectator; just as when went to the play
found myself in an atmosphere of in
trigue, and misunderstanding, and jealousy,
altogether unreal, and with which l had
not the ghost of an experience in common.
jealousy Why, [ had been married
clx4o xx-,4I Al.
passion, so that it was not very likely,
however well acted, that that passion
should entertain me. Misunderstanding
The thing was impossible, for whenever
there promised to be "a row in the PAN
try"-and every married man will under
stand me when | make use of that meta
phorical expression-I brought it to a
head, and had it out, and off we started
again (speaking for self and Mrs. R-)
on the smooth current of our lives, with
the little fracas buried forever in its
depths. AS for the mother of eight fall
ing In love with another man-it is all
very well in stage play, and particularly
where the husband is black man, and, as
l have said, befitting enough among per-
sons of quality; but upon the Noting
Hill side of Bayswater any such mis-
chance would, 1 felt, be out of place and
ridiculous-a social presumption, as well
as a grave domestic crime. Imagine,
therefore, my astonishment when my op-
pOsite neighbor, Peabody, who also calls
himself my friend, did me the honor to
call upon me few weeks ago, to speak, in
confidence, of the alarming conduct of my
wife. Having demanded and obtained
private interview, this scandalous old per-
son, who was once an digomerchant,
and yet retains the trace of his calling upon
his nose, set before me in detail number
of curious circumstances connected with
the "goings on" as he was pleased to call
them, of my wife, which he was not, in
deed, prepared 20 say, might not possibly
be only condolences, after all" but which
he felt it is his duty as fellow creature,
and one who had been husband in his
time-here his lips made a dumb motion
of gratitude-to let me know Even as
neighbor, and an inhabitant of common
Crescent, hitherto remarkable for its re-
spectabilIty, and which, as doubtless re-
membered, had declined to permit Mrs.
Jones to put up apartments in her win
dow, lest we should be confounded with
the lodging house localities; nay, which,
by the mere force of its public opinion,
had prevented No. 4S4 from being let to
playactor-even in this character, said
Peabody, he would have felt it his duty to
make me aware of what was being said,
though doubtless falsely, respecting the be-
hayior of Mrs. R. Here l should have
locked the door, and informed Peabody
that his last hour was certainly arrived,
and that he had better make his peace
with Providence before cut his throat;
but from ignorance of the proper conduct
To ha oIn tod IN, o1<.ir
stances, and perhaps from the knowledge
that there was nothing but paper knife
in the room with which to effect this
righteous punishment / only burst out
laughing, and called him meddling and
impertinent old fool
every true" returned he, for he always
makes use of that form of wOrds-"very
true; but still the facts are worth investi- |
eating, even from their singularity Do
you know, for instance, that at eleven
O'Clock, three days week, your wife goes
out in cab by herself?"
NO." said /, "I do not; though, |
if she does, it is surely better than if she |
had any ineligible companion. As mat
ter of fact, however, she does not do so,
for have offered to go shopping with her |
twice this week, and she has declined to
accompany me on the ground of having !
a sore throat"
upon what days did she give this ex-
cuses" inquired Peabody, taking out his
pocket-book -.'
"Last Monday and last Thursday" re-
turned |.
"Well, here's memorandum: Monday, |
4th. Sac Mrs. R start, as usual, at IL; |
Thursday, 7ta, ditto, ditto. She could not
be going to a morning concert, because
she had no white gloves on.
AZ will grant that much" quoth L, sar-
ionically, and yet not by any means un-
moved by this unexpected intelligence.
" NV wife does not go to morning con-
certs" ...- .g..
every true" observed Peabody. Then
the question arises, where does she go tog
Now, as an inhabitant of the Crescent"
Peabody" interrupted /, severely, "1
the right of no man-no, not
of the man in the moon himself-to ned
die in my affairs upon that grouD' am
obliged to you for the interest you have
taken in this matter, but the simple fact Is,
that it has been entirely misplaced.
have been perfectly well aware of my
wife's movements, and they have had my
fullest permission and appreciation. l
only wanted TO see to what lengths your
and love of interference
would carry you. That is your hat, be-
lieve; your umbrella is the alpaca one;
wish you very good morning" |
/ Iushered my visitor out, and then sat
down in my private parlor with my elbows
upon the table, and both my hands thrust |