Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1869-04-08
DYING ALONE.

Il ~ e9i les ue DacA 10 Jay IN tdo IxF
past.
Weary with unconganial toll, and bit
ter against the conditions Of my life, |
closed my door with sullen satisfaction
and listened almost gratefully to the driv-
ing rain which promised to shield me
for time against the intrusion of BRIGHT
eF faces anu brighter hearts than m:ue.
| lit no light, but sat in the sombre
FIRE light pondering tho old. ever new
riddle of exissence-she question able
blessing Of life-until I grew weary of my
own.
| recalled all its longings unsatisfed :;
its capabilities dwarfed its hopes-not
deferred merely, but blightel. Invent
the way Of all morbid, misguided souls,
nursing and magnifying nv discomfort,
until It rose to the height Of ing-atituie
and rebellion against the Author of life
l cannot tell how long l sat there.
unconscious Of my surroundings, going
over the well remembered story of nv
life.
In looking back to IFS very beginning l
recalled pityiugly, the image Of a lonely,
sensitive, thoughtful child, living among
those who gave her little love or care, aud
growing up without guardianship, e1cept
that of Gods good angels
Farther on saw myself in that dan
gerous transition state, the debatable
ground between chillhood and woman
hood, where wise influences are 50 ne
cessary to the formation of true charac-
ter.
But was alone, ignorant and weak,
without person or principal to guide me,
abandoned to the direction cf my own nat
ural traits. My only reliance va. an un-
conscious one, in the self-adjusting pow
er, which Providence bestows upon eve
ry human creature.
And thus l lived innocent. the
world interprets nnocence-na agatively
good because not tempted within or
without to evil one OF those simple
souls who . do Gods vi and know il
not"
The years which passed over me brought
htLle change for good or i'll, unless. they
may be charged with confirming tho apa-
thy which an uncvcntful life had engen-
dered within me- The torpor thai was
stealing over me was worse. SO remember
now, than all the misery Of after years.
The awakening CANA, however, in the
shock of death ani dssertion.
There came day when not one Of those
whom had called friends remained to
protect or assist me.
Helpless and ignorant as I was, the
struggle against the world was long aud
bitter
I had mono Of the spirit which "makc.
drudgery divine but weak, luxurious
nature, which, though strengthened in
evitably BY rough usage, grew harsh and
unlovuble. Ny faith in all that is good
and beautiful was obscured, and l fell
into a state of skcpticism concerning eve
rything except the existence Of universal
and unavoidable evil in every human ma
ture
Yet. let me not b. unjust to myself
Harsh and irritable and sad as | was, l
had a grim pleasure in rom 'mbcring that
| had not always returned evil for evil
to fate, and usually gave the world It's
due
l thought, as I watched the fire burn
low, that could havs forgiven all, the.
neglect, the unfrieu1lines., the hard
toll, the disreputable poverty that l had
borne.
Even the condescension that savored of
Nigh be thrown back upon those
who now thought it well to notice me
but this last disappointment was more
than | could bear.
had bcen but poor CLEANER in the
harvest Of happiness, following the rich
rcapofs af1r of, and gathering "more
tlres than wheat" But among my sheayes
| bound one treasure. more loved and
valued because there was but one
Aai now | have been robbed, | who
was already 50 poor.
In the world l claimed but one friend
ana for a time he had none but me. Bu:
fortune loved him too, ar! gracsi him
with all her fayorS, AMI | learned that IN
the into1icatjon Of fame and power he
gave no thought to the friend who fond
" watched his career, and patiently
waited his coming, in her humble little
home.
Ny friend. my love, hal forgotten ma!
they even said some one else WAS in my
place.
tried to think Of him no longer, bu.
to turn my thoughts to the dead, barren
future still before me Bat stunned and
Inundated as was, could only groyel
in the ashes o: my love.
\ tap-very light indeed-at my door