The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1869-11-16
Putting Up Stoves.

In CONSEQUENCE Of cold weather cnce
more, about these days there is uni
versal putting up Of stoves preparatory
for the winter campaign, and undoubt-
edly great deal of profanity is indulg-
ed in. One who has considerable expe-
rience in putting pp stoves says the first
| step to be taken is to put on a very rag.
ged old coat, under the impression that
when he gets his mouth full of plaster
it will keep his shirt bosom clean Next
he gets his hands inside the place here
the pipe ought to go, and blacks his fin
gers, and then he carefully makes
black mark down one side of his nose.
1t is impossible to make any headway,
in doing this work, until his mark is
made down one side OF this nose Hav-
ing got his face properly marked, the
victim is ready to begin the ceremony.
The head of the family-who is the big
goose Of the sacriiee-grasps one side
of the bottom OF the stove, and his wife
and the hired girl take hold Of the 9th
er side In tilis way the load is started
from the woodshed towards the parlor.
Going through the door the head of the
| family will carefully swing the stove
around and jam his thumb nail against
the door post this part of the cere-
mony is never osnitted). Having got
the stove confortah y in place, the next
thing is to find the legs. Two Of these
are left in the stove since the spring be-
fore. The other two must be hunted
alter for twenty five minutes. They are
usually found under the coal Then
the head of the family holds up one
side while his vile puts two of the legs
in place, and next he holds up the 9TH
- H. ~
and one OF the first two falls cut. By
the time the stove is on its legs he gets
reckless, and takes off his old coat re-
gardless of his linen. Then he goes in
| for the pipe and gets a cinder in his
eye. 1t don't make any difference how
we'll the pipe was put up last year, it
will be found a little too short or lit
tie too long. The head of the family
jams his hat over his eyes and taking
| a pipe under each arm goes 10 the
tin shop to have it fixed. When he gets
back he steps upon one of the best par
lor chairs TO see if the pipe fits, and his
wife makes him get down for fear he
will scratch the varnish off from the
chair with the nails in his boot heel. In
getting down he will surely step on the
cat, and may thank his stars it it is not
the baby Then he gets an old chair
| and climbs up to the chimney again, to
find that in cutting the pipe of the end
has been left TOO big for the hole in the
chimney. SO he goes to the wood shed
and splits one side of the end Of the
pipe, with an old axe. and squeezes it
in his hands to make it smaller Finals
ly he gets the pipe in shape and finds
that the stove does not stand true. Then
himself and wife and hired girl move
the stove to the left, and the legs fall
out again Next it is to move to the
right. More difficulty with the legs.
Moved to the front little. Elbow not
| even with the hole in the chimney, and
he goes to the wood shed after some lit
tie blocks. While putting the blocks
under the legs the pipe comes out of the
chimney. Head of the family gets the
dinner table out, puts the old chair on
| it, gets bis wife to hold the chair, and
balances him mself on it to drive some
nails into the ceiling. Drops the ham
on to his wife's head. At last gets the
nails driven, makes o wire swing to hold
the pipe, hammers little here, pulls a
little there; taxes a long breath, and an
nounces the ceremony complete.
Job never put up any stoves. It would
have ruined his reputation if he had
! n Express.