The union Democrat., 1869-03-06
Miss New style ON sAc 1rria8e Qacstien'

Nh. EpIroR-I have been considerably
amused by reading m your last two num-
bers, treatise on the marriage question,
written evidently by demented old bachei-
| or, who having failed to marry when young
has now strong notion, judging by his lucu-
brations, which be pours forth in your valua-
BILE paper. of doing provided he can find a fool
of the same mind. AS far as am capable
of Judging the crazy old creature wants
servant, not wife, he wishes 10 take some
poor little helpless loving, woman into his old
leaky ,mildewed. spiderwebbed, shaky, greasy
cabin, to pull off his boots, remove his wet
clothing &c. and perhaps TO sopsb bis hair If
he has ATTY left, and wash his face, put him
to bed and watch and attend to all Of his
wants lust as it he were n babe, which un-
loubtedlv he is. but very old tough and
wrinkled one if am not very much nistak-
en-. Now if he shoald by some chance or
other. which God forbid. succeed in entrap.
ping some 200. little foolish thing into his den.
/ verv we'll know be would prove to be
very suspicious and jealous old hog. 10 fact
the poor little creature could not live in peace
if she bad ewes for any other baby but his
precious self, yes and she weuld have TO pick
up chips and to rob old stumps of their cuti-
ces To dry his clothes with, for two to one
he never would have any wood. Tc Judge
by his style one would naturally think he
was an old horse the way he speaks OF har-
ness &c, hope if he ever changes his state
he will be fortunate enough to obtain one
who will both ride and curry him to his
hearts content. Two TO one the old wretch
has a choice. is rather particular yet as to
who he will have, would turn up his nose if
some one would advise him to marry an el
derly widow, and is entirely oblivious that
time has slipped away and that he is an ole
wrinkled, shrvelled up, rheumatic autom-
atom. with not enough Of vital force left in
his old worn out carcass If it was panned
out to use miners phrase to show the collr.
Oh no catch him thinking of marrying a
woman near his own aye, the hypochou-
driaca old ass wants young one, catch
him after an old hen as long as his senile
brain can think of pulet.
Now sir, l intend TO give you what | call
and every woman of my age would) good
advice, listen Solus Diogenes. Instead Of
running after young girls, learning 10 dance
at your time of life, and perfuming yourself
with the balm of a thousand flowers to dis
guise your natural smell, stay home, medi-
tate on your latter end, rub mustang lima
ment on your old fdgety broomstick legs,
think of cof1ins and hearses, read funeral no.
tices. and whistle dead marches until your
mind is entirely relieved Of its load Of matri-
mony, but mind you. if This course fails to
free your old skull of coniugal thoughts hunt
up some old toot!Iless fossil of the last centu-
ry, grin love at her for it is impossible for
you to smile at your time life, ''leer at her"
poke her in the ribs with one of your skele-
ton fingers. ask her to have you, ''rnb noses
if she says yes" pet her, share your mustang
linament with her and my word for it you
will he far happier than if you had a young
helpmate. MISS New STYLE.
Tuttletown Feb. Goth.