The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1869-12-10
CHIPS.

A GERMAN illustrated calls Dir. Long
fellow 1.-THE illustrious poet Of Chicago
A BosToN chemist wants "thc gentle
man who left his stomach for analysis" to
call and take it away.
"WHAr q little chiId.' said friend.
!" Ah," replied Hood, his parents never
made mlaeh OF him."
"Tho corpse's cousins will now come
forward" was the order of the master of
ceremonies Of country funeral,
A NEW YoRK reporter, who attended
a ball lately saw "billows of softly cushion.
cd anatomy" there, and kept looking
too.
A PARIsrAN author has translated
Shakespeare liDe "Out, brief candle"
into French thus "Get out, you short
candle"
DoS,r be in a hurry-kccp your seat"
when addressed to visitor 10 an editors
Office means, "cIear out as fast as you
can"
4 MISS Lucy LEE adycrtises in Mis-.
sissippi paper that she is ''of good birth
and education, and is willing to marry
an editor, believing herself able to support
one"
THE editor Of the Louisville Courier
JoMrRdiinforms his readers that Twenty
one hundred and ninety-one years ago to-
day, (Thursdays,) our distinguished
friend Demosthencs died by poison"
A STRONG. MINDED female writing in
the RerolutioH, makes the sources Of light
and heat conform to the progressive move
ments of the age. "0ld SOL" by the
transformation, becomes HOld Sal"
"Romembcr who you are talking to,
sir, said m indignant parent to frac-
tious bog. .'I'm your father, sir"
"Well, who's to blame for that 2" said the
young impudence faint me !"
A LITTLE girl, worn out by long SER
mon, observing the preacher gathering
himself for tho introduction of another
"point," exclaimed, ''Oh, mother, he is
not going to quit at all he is swelling up
again"
"LooK cut there What are you kick
ing my dog for ?" "I'm kickin' him
cause he's full Of fieas and don't want
to gct'em on my good clothes" "Fleas !!
the deuce Why, that dog sleeps with
me-" "Yes hang you, | know it, and
that's whar he gets en-"
Paach annouces 'sThe Gent She Jilt-
ed" by the author of "The Girl He Mar
ried ""Strings of Barley.sugar," sequel
to "Ropes of Sand !" "DOwny as Decoy
Duck" q conclusion to "Simple as
Dove" and "Boiled BlackbeetIes," by
the author of "Burnt Butterflies"
A FRIEND was speaking to Thackeray
of lately deceased bacchanalian, an ar
dent disciple Of Barclay aud Perkins.
"Ah rs aid the great humorist, with a
twinkle in his eye, "Ah !" said he 'stake
him for haIf-and half We nc'er shall look
upon his like again"
MARK TWAIN understands newspaper
responsibilities. lie says: "Mr. Greely is
going to lecture on the Byron scandal
We have no authority for making this
statment, but then it makes an interesting
item OF news, and the inexorablo busl-
ness of a newspaper is to collect interesting
news."
AN enthusiastic admircr of the beauties
Of beautiful woman recently startled a
friend. "Been to church this morning" !"
no asserted. ITO church, eyes; and
such necks full and white, and good
enough to cat-six of them all in row !;
watched 'em all through service. Oh my,
what necks."
A THIRSTY Quaker having stopped at
tavern to get pot of beer, and observ-
ed that the measure was deficient, asked
the landlord how many casks he drew in
month. "Ten," was the reply. "And
would'st thou like to draw eleven, my
friend p '.Yes." 'eFhen will tell thee
how gil thy measure and thee will draw
it."