davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24
THE TEST OF LOYALTY.

One Of the English Reviews finds
in the following passage of a story,
by Artemus Ward, n specimen Of
American humor, and n palpablo
hit q. the times
mo, William Baker you cannot
have my daughters hand IN mar
rage until you arc hor oqnal in
wealth and social position" The
speaker was q haughty old man Of
sixty years, and the person he al.
dressed was u fine looking young
man Of thirty y-fve. With q sad ss :
pect The young man Withdrew from
lhe stately mansion. Six months
later, ho stood again in the pres.
euce Of the naughty father, who
thus addressed him "Whut, you
here again p "Ah, old man." very
proudly exclaimed William Baker,
q AN hero, your daughters equal
and yours" Ths old mans lips
curled with scorn. A derlsivo
smile lit up his cold features, when,
casting violently upon the marble
centre~table an enormous roll OF
grecnbncks. William Baker cried,
"Sec, look on this wealth, and I've
tcn.iold more. Listen, old man
you spurnod me from your door, but
! did not despair. secured con
tract tor supplying tho Army OF tho
james with beef Yes, yes n'
eagerly exclaimed the old man.
"And / bought up all the disabled
cavalry horses conld find" 81
see | sco r. cried the old man
"and very good beef they make
too r. "They do ! they do, and the
! profits arc immense ~ should
say So "And now, SIR, l claim
your daughters hand" boy, she
is yours but hold-lcok mo In Tho
eye. Throughout all this time have
you bo9n loy- al p ITO the core,
cried William Baker. "And," con
tinued the old man, in a voice hus
ky with emotion, "dre you in frroi
Of a rigorous prosecution Of the iCdr p
81 am, am T. "Thon, boy, TAX,
her Maria, child, come hither
Your William claims you. Be hap
ny, my children, and, whatever oui
lot IN ll!o may be, let US support thu
! Government I"
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24
9uIjtjtal.
equal RIGHTS. 4"

In these days, when all the great
light" Of RadicaIism are ogitating the
question Of Equal Rights" the follow.
ing extract, from one of "Macks"
Washington letters to the Cincinnati
Enquirer, is interesting
Il believe the government Of Wash
ington City was the first patient sub
iected to Mr. Summers political Buchu
-facstiously called "equal rights
The universal panNcea for all the ills OF
the body polite, 1t has been tried
now for few years, and more hope
less case of malpractice was never be.
fore known to political quackery.-
This city is undoubtedly the worst
governed in the United States, and the
most corrupt. Taxes are higher and
pauperism greater than anywhere else.
An army Of negro paupers is sustained
at public expense for no other purpose
than that they may be here to vote on
election day. During the other three
hundred and sixty-four days of the
year, they loaf about the streets, sleep
in the House galleries, and do what Ia
zy stealing comes in their way.
But among the many incongruities
of the "equal rights" business none
strikes me more than this A negro
member Of Council recently offered
and secured the passage of, an ordin
ance denying the license to any restau
rant or place Of amusement that refus
ed to treat negro customers on a per-
feet equality with whites. The father
of that measure is tho owner Of the
principal barber shop in the city
While one Of his workmen was scrap
ing my chin the other day, | asked
him if lao eyer had any colored custom
ers
"No, sab, we don't shave no neggal
AZ dis shop" was the prompt reply.
"But," said ], Suppose a coloroG
man We're TO come in and set down in
one of the chairs, like ] do, what ther
woul5 you dor
"Put him out, sah ! Some shopl'
shave niggas but dis is too spectacle
for dat"
"You wouldn't refuse to shave the
colored Cengressmen from Louisiana
would you p
dyes, sab Wouldn't shave no mig
gas, nohow even if dey was President
One o. General Grants niggas came
here one day but he don't gel nc
shave no, sab, We'se got all we car
do to shave de white folks and don
want no niggas"
The second Gather was here inter
posed and put stop to this interesting
conversation, and ! was left in suds
and silence to the contemplation OF
"ekal rights" in the District"
Is II not strange chat white men will
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24
"FRERcH IlAaps" seems to be d

"FRERcH llARPs" seems to be tho
rago, on our streets, among the ju-
vcnile portion of our population, vs-
riiying the poctical expression that
"Music hath charms to soothe the savage
breast"
the cold Clown adding,
."To split a rock aud melt cabbage ''
It's a wonder friablo "Willio"
hasn't been dissolved long ago, there
being "Band Room" hard bv his
Sdnctum sdnctimonious abode Of the
Lead pencil-and HlNsELF Bat,
there are older serenadors, who con
tInuously mako night dreadful with
their nocturnal street bravling and
nacreligious eKecratlons. To these
let us say, that they would cut q
pretty figure by being escorted
homeward to tho music Of a "Span-
ish Walk" by the Marshal. Re-
member that there arc thoao IN Me-
ConnolsyiIle who desire, and must
have "sweot peaceful reposei III or
dor to encounter tho morrow's Ia.
bors,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

TnE Crnc'Enati Evening Chroni'
Gle has been putting on airs for the
past two weeks IN a new dross,-
Herald,
II putting on 0lrS would add any
thing TO tho appearance of a now s.
paper, there would be no need Of O
type foundry at which TO obtain
now material for the Herald, nor a
tailor to conform cloth TO the "Lilli
putian" Dimensions of "Willie"--iif
done gone" enough But he does
look secdy, and ITS high time that
tho young man bctako himself tc
Zanesvil.o. The tailtrs are waiting
for him.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24
Significance OF q Wink.

Smith, the Ruetioneer, is 4 popu~
lar man, q wit and a gentleman.-
No person is offended tt what he
says, and many a hearty laugh has
been provoked by his sayings lie
was recently engaged in tho sale Of
venerable household furniture and
fixlngs. lie had Just got to going,
going, and half, going" when he
saw smiling countenanco on agri-
cultural shoulders wink at him.
A wink is as good as n nod to n
blind morse a sharp sighted auc.
tionecr so Smith winked and the
man winkcd, and Smith kept "go-
ing, going" with q lot OF glassware
stoves pipes, carpets, pots and per-
iumory, and finally this lot was
knocked down.
"To whom ?" SAID Smith, gazing
at tho smiling stranger.
"Who 2-GolIy !" said the stran-
ger, "1 don't know who"
"Why, you, sir |" said Smith.
"Who. me u
"Yos, you bid on the lot" said
Smith, cunningly.
mo ? Hang me if 1 did, insist
cd the stranger.
"Why, did you not wink, ant
keep wInking," asked Smith.
"Wmking Well, / did, and 81
did you at me. thought you wai
wlnking as much as TO say, "koeI
dark, I'll stick somebody on thii
lot Of stuff" and | winked as mucl
as to say, W'll be hanged If yor
don't, mister" "
After which no moro goods were
cold ~, thof Iax-
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

"IN 4 TIN THIEG. "A country
man, upon dining, recently, at one
of our Hotels called for some meat
waS helped to the article by tho nc
commodating waiter alto his meal
paid his bill, and left camo to town
again in Tow days, but put up al
another house landlord wanted to
know why "Well," said our ru-
raj friend, 81 purity much quit stop
ping at a tavern where they keep
thoir meat wrapped up IN tin
thing, and not half cooked at that"
We presume he had reference to the
chaGngsdish.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24
RULES for the JOurney OF Life

The following rules of DR.. West
are thrown together as general way
marks IN the journey of lite +;
Never TO ridicule saored things,
or what others may esteem as such,
however absurd they may appear
10 be. Never to resent a supposed
injury till | know the views and
motives Of the author nor on any
occasion TO retaliate.
Never to judge Of q persons
character by external appearances
Always 20 take the part OF an ab
sent person who is censurcd in com
pany, so far Hs truth and proprlety
will allow Mover 10 taink the
worse OF another on account of hls
differing from me in political or re-
ligious opinions,
Not to dispute with man more
than seventy years OF age, nor with
woman, nor with an enthusiast -
Not to affect to be witty, or to jest
so as to wound the feelings Of 9TH
era. TO say as little ss possible OF
myself, and those who are noar TO
mo. TO aim at cheerfulness with
out levity, Not to intrudc my ad-
vice unasked.
Never to court the favor of the
rich by flattering either their vani-
ty or their vices.
To speak with calmhess and dc.
liberation on all occasions, especial
ly IN circumstance whi h tend t0
irritate. Frequently TO reviow my
conduct and note my failings. On
all occasions to have in prospect
the end of life and a future state.
THE'State Etom ologist Of Illinois Il
known in that section as tho "Bugmas
ter Galcrni
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

"WILLIE," Of Messrs. Kahler'a
Herald, Is very inquisitivo, and cx-
trayagant, too, in the use Of words,
lie says that on the 10th inst, "a
man with ordinary muscle couldn't
get within a rod of the Treasurer
Goodnuss grosshus Of course not I
He'a a heitier man than theS Sec, Ag.
Soc, and be wasn't slow in pugiiis-
ties, you know, "Willle,"
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

WRoN0 BUT RlouT "A juvenile
in ono OF the primary departments
of our School, upon his returning
homo after dismissal, attempted 10
repeat what he had heard, ne
sMd they told him that "God 20
loved the world, that he gave his
only forgotten son, nc, The little fell
low had the idea, butnot tho word,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

Vow THE DERT is BElSG REDUCED. -
Nothing is more simple than the pro-
cess by which Mr.. Boutwell, is enabled
to issue his bulletins every month, tell,
ing the people how the National debt
is being reduced. have suspected all
along, but never knew until to-day,
what was the modus operdnH, Adapted
to private business, il would enable the
worst bankrupt in the United States TO
stand erect" rs Mr. Micawber did af-
ter he had given ~ ], o, U. to Trad
dies. The secret is this An order
has been given 10 the accounting off
GERS of the Treasury to allow no claims
whatever against the Governmental
pay nothing to repudiate everything,
There are just two exceptions made to
this general rule the bondholders
and the oficeholders These gentle,
men are paid TO the ,uttermost farth
ing. All other classes of Government
creditors are denied even hearing =
And so, for the sake of appearing to
pay of the debt, hundreds of millions
of just and equitable claims are repu
dated. Now, why not 60 aRtep furth
er, and say to the bondholder that We
can't redeem his coupons is the debt
of the bondholder hedged round by
any sacred obligation that does not
apply equally to the man whose
claim is not in bonds but in Quarter
masters vouchers? ? Irlil to see it in
that light, at any rate. But the !act Is
the debt Is increasing every day, not
withstanding Mr.. Boutwells lying bul
letins All the claims now being de
MED will have to be paid some day OF
other, unless we adopt the great rcliei
Of reputation as all other nations have
done in some form or another and bu
~ The whole mass of claims, whether
in the form Of bonds or Of anything
else, in common grave, TO the music
of the Union which is the latest
name for the Rogue's March, Equal
and exact justice to all men, is the bo
gus motto of the Republican party
and exact justice TO all creditors should
be the rule Of conduct Of every honor
able man lfthe Government under
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24
GENERAL FRANK BLAIR ON
GRANT.


Extract nom Speech before the N. York
Democratic Club, Dec ID.
During the Presidential canvass, It
was my fortune to speak Of General
Grant in the various addresses which
was required to make throughout the
country and ] said about him what ]
knew about him that he was oapa-
bic and courageous man, but ambitious
and unscrupulous and whose aim II
was to fix himself on the country and
make his dictatorship perpetual. ]
see in this recommendation which he
has made in regard to Georgia, a some.
thing which, if acted on 10y Congress,
is the foreruuner Of other measures of
the same character; and in perfect
consonance with the character which ]
sketched for General Grant in the
speeches ] had the honor to make be-
fore the country lie is ambitious and
hc Is fearless and, although some Of
our Democratic friends rrc in the hab-
IL of speaking in very disparaging
way of him all | have to say is this,
that anybody who thinks Gen. Grant
is fool, is more likely to be q fool him
self
He is man Of stubborn character /;
he may not be very broad in his views;
he may bo marrow and obstinate but
he i5resolute and unainching and the
most dangerous man that this country
contains at this hour, lie hasa will
that knows no sweryiEg from any plan
that he has entered upon
His courage is most determined and
though he may not have great capaci.
ty, or very great intellect, yet, when
he has once entered upon the pursuit
Of an object, he maintains il with in.
vincible courage and untiring labor
In my judgmen', so far from being a
man at whom we ought to scofl, and
whom we may treat with contempt. hc
is man who ought to he carefully
/ NsANNAltN ~ l'lWu w Vt u'.l We slt'Nlti
fear the worsc things OF course. il /,
not always the greatest intellectual
man who achieves the greatest things
A man who has purpose, and who
has power to back him, very frequently
exceed in achievements mar of fai
larger comprehensive capacity. -
This man, in my Judgment, is one Of
that class of men. consider him O
man Of sluggish nature he is fond OF
pleasure, and devoted to enjoyment
and will occupy himself with those
things 20 the exclusion Of business go as
he has shown disposition to do. But
when a crisis IN our affairs occurs. you
will find he win apply himself to busi-
ness with far more industry than is a
/ greeablc TO the country lApplausc,
Just such business, I mean, os this in
reference to Georgia, and which hS
he may advise with reference to any
other State And it may happen that
he win gain such powor, and may be
enabled, 10y combinations Of army pow
er and the negroes in tho South, to ov
ercome the Northern people l do moi
therefore, think the Democratic party
has any light duty in the coming cam
paign,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

In Chicago, husbands are said TO be
so for fearful of curtain lectures that
they add TO their announcement OF fu-
ture movements the letters 'W, P. -
which means wife permitting
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24
How TO Break OneseICof mad
Habits.

Understand clearly the reasons,
and all the reasons, why the habit
is Injurious Study the snhicct TIL
thero Is no lingering doubt In your
mind. Avoid tho places, the per.
sons, and the thoughts that lead 10
tho temptation. Frequent the pla-
ces. associate with the persons, in
dulgo tho thoughts, that lead away
from the temptation. Kocp busy I;
idleness is the strength Of bad hab-
It's. Do not give up ihe it'uggle
when you have broken your resolu.
ton once, twice, ten times, or even
o thousand tunes That only shows
how much noed thero ~ for You to
strive. When you have broken
your resolution, just think the mat
or over, and endeavor TO understand
why it was yuu failed so that ron
may be u1on your guard against a
recurrence Of the same rcnmstan
COS. DO not think II n little or an
easy thing That you have underta-
ken. It is folly TO expect to brcbl !,
off q bad habit in u day, winch may
have been gathering stre0gth in
you for years.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

should delicate, hOuse-brod girls
wear upon their legs only thin mus
lin drawers and fine cotton stock
ings, whilo tho great strong men,
who are their fathers, wear stout,
warm cloth both for drawers and
pnntaloons, and leather boot-legs 2
Why should the little girls go with
their arms and shoulders baro,
whilo their fathers have shirts and
lined coat-sleoyes On their arms T?
Why q
We have seen this item before
but as "Willio,' the little intriguer
Of the illustrated" adopts it INTO
tho "lokIo" of his paper, and wants
to know Ithy, we will endoavor to
give him somo insight into the mat
ter, ii he promises not TO ask why,
mother, so often In the first place,
"Willie," there ~ some difference
between the sex, both in character
and habit They operate IN two
separate and distinct sphercs-that
IS man aad woman boys and girls !
one indoors, the other outdoors
Hence, il would not bo necessary,
considering tho light duty 1t had to
perform, TO cucumber the tender lit.
tie limbs aLl weigh down tho frail.
tiny form of child, who, probably.
from beng reared indoors, would
be as sensitive as n house plant, with
any uncouth clothing. It's not nat
ural. 1t, however, seoms to be the
"stylo" now a.days, in the higher
strata Of society, TO array their chill.
dren scaniily, but seemingly com
Portable. And many Of our "bolles"
have caught up the idea, also, and
display the natural person M much
as they dare 10, leaving us TO guess
at the balance But, Willie" a.
bout the man IS il not natural for
him, IN as much MS he is expected to
beat, bang, and buffet the "wlntry
winds" the rain, hail, and snow,
that he should take unto himself
woolsy-linsy, cowhidc boots, and
thick corderoy leggings2 Me thinks
tits; we ask, ,chy ~ II not natur-
alp Again, willie tho majority
of tho people of this country arc
poor-poor, indeed there are whole
cities full, who are not able to dress
themselves 10 pleasing and comfort
able attire, nay even obtain the me-
oesearies to sustain life Among
this class, tie man, IN order TO pros
cure bread (and, probably, to pay
his taxos), must wear all the cloth
ing--aH there is ! He sallics forth
TO contend with n cold, hcartloss
world-with bondholdcrs and tax
gathcrers on every side, and eXor
bitant prices staring him in the face
leaving his little, almost nude
children at home, in,doors, 20 exc
out q wretched life, unhoard or un.
seen. Why? Because they cannot
afford to wear any better. Why
again "WiIle," do you know that
thero are bondholders in this coun.
try You don't ? JUST look out ot
your SdHctum SdnctorWm window and
you will see one any time, a bond
holder looks pretty much like any
one else, only they have rod ever
more potent than Moses. They
have long since rent IN twain ahc
are now dividing among themselves
tho parcels Of the fabric that should
have enveloped the cmaciated form
of many poor chlld. But TAXES
GOLD II "WIlhe," imagine th,
rest. "Why"F
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24
MCoNNELsv1LLE, OHIO. DEC. "a, 1869.

persist in attempting to make the Afri-
can their equal, when the very nature
of the Africon, himself gives the lie to
the proposition
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

takes to repudiate one part of the debt,
let the people finish the job and repu-
date the Mack" in the Cinoin.
natl Enquirer.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

my countrymen, that "verily a
great man hath thus day fallen in
Israel"
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24
THE ANNUAL REPORT

Of the Directors OF the Morgan
County Infirmary, TO the
mmissiOners OF said COun-
", for the year ending wed
ncsday. Dec. Est, 1850
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

Is the last issue Of the Revolution,
Mrs. Isabella Reecher Hooker has ave-
~ lengthy article on the Mcfarland
Richardson tragedy, in which she re,
views the action Of Rev Mr.. Frothing.
ham, and hor brother, Rev Henry W
Beecher. After careful considerA-
ton of the case, she says Taking
their own statements, which must be
regarded as decisive of their own views
of the facts, and assuming the facts Ia
be as they supposed them to be, we can
not discover anything represensible in
their conduct" OF course not. Could
Beecher be expected to see anything
reprehensible in one Of the family p
Why, If one of EN- should take to poe
ket picking direct the rest would Ap-
plaud il as religious exercise.
A clearinghouse Keeper in KeohulS
kept a corpse in the house until the
: board bill was paid
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

"WILLIE," of illustrated notorie-
ty, prints IN Messrs. Kahler's Her
aid, that Wednesday a week was
the "dullest, bluest, and most busi-
ness-discouraging day that we have
had tins winter and that not Il
"man stirred"l Doyou know, owl.
Iic,' whether woman stirred p
You must have eaten too much pap
my boy, and become drowsy. Wake
mp "WilIc," Santa Claus will soon
bo hero.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24
TnuRspAr, Dec. 2. 1869.

THURSDAY, Dec. 2, 1869.
Directors met at lndrmory and pro.
ceede1 10 make out the yearly Report
as follows: Annual Report ofthe Board
Of Directors OF the Morgan County In
Urinary to the Honorable Board Of
Commissioners & OF said County, for the
year ending tho LIST day OF Deo. 1869
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

B35~ A rapid penman can write
800 words in minute. To do this
he draws his pen through the space
Of rod, He makes, on an average,
lG'curves or turns of tho pen in
writing each word 10 q day OF
five hours, this amounts to IA ,O00,
and, in a year OF 300 days, TO a.
200 900 The man WHO makes ] =
000. 900 strokes Of the pen in one
month ia not remarkable. Many
mako 100000. Hence we have,
in the aggregate, n mark 300 miles
long traced IN year by slngle
writer
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

"WuLIE" come hither l--Rcmcm.
ber that when you again slice n
sheet Of paperup into editorial slips
and take your pencil to dash of in
tcrrogatorles concoroing other peo.
plo's affairs, that there isa Divine
injunction, runniugab as follows;
"He that thinkoth he standcth, let
him take heed lest he fall" There
are some that have gono before you,
and in whose footsteps you started.
Beware I when il maketh itself n
wright | Look not upon it
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-12-24

THE upper and lower strata OF so
ciety-the high and the low--are
often oddly adjudged by the vulgar
mind. The butcher boy, who de-
llvered, at their residences, roasts
and sausages for hls employers GUS
TONERS, had no trouble in his own
mind who were high and who low,
for, said he, "The high swear and
the low lie." The hotol waiter, who
was ordered by clergyman to pre-
pare dinner for number Of cler.
zeal friends. inquired whether the
party was high or low church.
"Now, what on earth" said tho
clergyman, "do my friends opin-
ions mattor to you p "a great
deal, sir" rejOIned :he waiter III
high church, must provide moro
wine iflow church, moro whites"
A reconstructed African, at Wash
ington, arrested for stealing, was
upbralded by tho Magistrate 81
thought, Sam, sou belonged to the
loyal party that's on its good be-.
havior, you know ?" "Dat's just
so, aassa we'se two claspes-do
high and do low. De high takes
what's guv TO em, like massa Grant;
dc low takes what's not guv to en-,
like massa Butler, Use low, mas
sa, dat's oil Z"