The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1869-04-04
Yo tAs Sunday crssernal
AD0pT MS ABHENT.

Ihave garment. ]. .. A. 'ocko, d. Q. Dr.
n. r. A. O.. n. K. Pei Lave garment.
IT, short distance in front Of any garment
ever ala have before; snd-wei. don't think
my mind ID quite strong enough 70 Dear the
thought Of any garment after u.
M Isii Why, the very suspicion Oh sucn
thing gives me sensation like ants down my pack.
Did you ever have ants down your BACK!
MOI Thoughts not Well, Jon are an unen-
Iiehtensd wretch. You ars'ths unfortunate owner
Of bsniehtsd soul. II Is wasnt useless aiter
such confession. did intend to Inquire II you
had ever experienced lizard next your skin put,
Of course, you haven't a man that never mad
ants down his back csn'tPe expected to have had
anything. should scarcely be surprised to hear
you acknowledge you had never had the measles.
But whether or not-pte got my garment. AND
what's more. I'm going TO hold on to It.
Naybe you'd like to knov what my garment Is.
I'll tell You something about u and let you ny
your ingenuity.
blessing on the man that Invented sleep, and the
door squire mas been quo ID from that day to this
| in way which must hsv.. greatly distressed him
| n he vas at all difident. lshioh believe he was
not.
| a. you may recollect. a other words, he liked
to sleep because It made, him FEEL dressed ~.
| both his own and his authors simplicity. lie was
| happy when he was Creased up, and he was
| dreised up when he was asleep hence, when he
| vas asleep he was happ-. Sweet thougnti
But the name Of my garment is not sleep.
Shakespeare tells rs that motley ID the Only
wear but though confess to being something OF
fool. the name Of my garment r. not motley u,
am no Joseph; though Joseph was fool TOO
and wore motley.
Something or other e. said to knit up the
be q qarment--a thresdbare one and out a. elbows
II would seem from the way William refers to it
sleeves. but still Q garment.
NV garment, though, is not named care.
On he contrary, II is sovereign antidote for
| care. It kills care deader than care ever killed
the cat T. e.. nine times deader than death itself.
But oeatb-pahl don't Jets mention such ugly
subjects. Rather speak OF my garment JOLLY,
| and say Il drives away care +" bids dull care be-
gone !" makes care shut up his head tckies care
into ct gets care drunk. and puts care to bed.
and locks the door on care, and won't let care out
| I'LL next morning.
Now, IN bet you are thinking I'm Comus.
and that all this time Pm talking about my Mys-
| tick Kreve arrangement and Msrdi Gras.
Net bit Of il. Quito the other way. should
not hesitate for moment TO appear even as
church with my garment on, and worn prominently
| at that; 10 il can't be thing Ridiculous.
Ridiculousi Well do think. The idea OF call
1 Rarultnt-mlut
ealing Is iidiculousI Why. It is one Of the
| noblest thitgs out. No tailor can cut you rig
more completely the &C..
Then. 500. the merits II has over and beyond.
| When l wear nay garment am preserved from
debt, nom dissipation. from duns, and all other
| bad habits. can no more take too much wine
| after dinner than q member Of Dorcss society
| could refuse o crust to beggar-woman. lean
| no more buy my wife On extrayagsnt dress than
| the Rev. Mrs. Cream cheese could talk SANDER I'M
| der preteuse Of "just running over for minute
to hear the newsn 1 can no more revtle my neigh
| Dor when he s absent; no more take advantage
OF poor mans necessities or an ignorant man Q
| iuexperience: no more do unto others as
wouldn't they should DO unto me back again.
can no more DO any Of these things when have
my garment on than you or |. dear resder. could
| 90 t. sleep In church en- warm May morning, or
think what devilish pretty woman that Mra.
Quigsby IL, and how much too good for her snip
OF q husband under ordinary circumstances.
Its chsapness. too. Why its cheapness i . |.
thing 10 fairy stsrte you. II is quite surprising
how very little, when you come to 1t, my garment
does cost. And then the way IL lasts. l never
expect 10 have but one; and LET that one will last
| me forever.
There now wrong again. Back track, and the
| trail getting colder every jump. Try back.
| You imagine you know all about 1t when you
| are miles on aud even looking the other way.
| II has nothing 10 do with the soul. Ii Il not at
all immortal. II Is erishsbs-essentslly. II
will never 20 to Heaven--snd sssnredIy hope not
to the other plsce--at least not with me In 1t.
For, spite Of the proverb, those are two extremes
which believe were Sc t0uchent-or touch any
where else; fellow has 10 swim for 1t if ne wants
to get ashore after the boat starts.
No, MY garment Is nothing In the spiritual way.
| II 10 an earthly garment II is made like other
garments with needle and thread and Of wooden
fabric, fabric produced on earth By q mans In.
eenuity; and the garment altogether Is as mere
and utter q garment as ever Moody advertised on
| O telegraph pole.
Now what do You think II isf Cheap. -fashion.
able, everlasting. preventive OF all bad habits
and patent medicine for every III. What do you
imagine IL to be?
Well--you can't guess. knew that before.
You stand no more chance Of guessing than a
blind kitten would Of deciphering the Aruudelian
marbles, or ope-legged centipede 10 learn Frenc h
billiards. But lets give You some more hints, and
then, II you still can't TELL III tell you myself aud
write IL down for fear you should forget IL.
In the frat place, my garment is one which no
body can wear but me; and yet II IL very easy
fitting and doesn't bind anywhere. No corns fro
IL; no compression Of the lungs or terrible ACC
dents 10 the MISUNDERSTANDING reflection; nc
horrid spinsl sinuosities or hump backs can come
of my garment. so far from ii, II hsd any OF
these things the matter with there Is no doctor
could 90 70 witk such certainty Of relief as my
| garment. Put II Sn-and prest0f Udnft phdg-
mos ea0 ddtl degolg ctdngei-they vanish and =
rest comfortable. IL fall ill-pnt on my garment
and sm well. II fall down and break my arm,
or my leg, OF my osad-put on my garment and I
am just az II therN badn't been such thing q
fall since the dsyqof Adam. Even II Mrs. Jooko
| shoulc cease aoSrng me ana take 70 the evan
eelicsl line OF bu4ness | believe-such faith have
| In my garmenS-that were TO put II on
shouldn't mind Nj 4. socko bit.
| Ny friend, tho Reverend Lawrence Stern Q.
describes with telling the many difficulties in tho
wsy OF 1risirsm thaDdys breeches when it first
became necessary for the young gentleman 70
assn me that MAJ Of age. He tells how family
councils were hid, and friends of the family
called in: how arguments sprsng mp add much
discussion ensue1; how some said they must be
| cut this fashion. ZONE that some they must be
| cut large, some small; some neither, perhaps,
but merely sew Up like O sack into a sort OF
two.lcgged petit lost. ny garment has none Of
| these. No tonaI ne-waggliDg or vain babblings
| connect Themselves with IL. It's construction Is
| silence; its srch4 lecture Is simplicity.
| But IL ID not b this alone that il excels mans
ordinary neither 5cssing-thst my garment sur
passes breecbesl / recollect TO have seen In a
| collection Of bat letter ballads the relation Of
en- adventure be3ling some medieval hero lMIson
Jon. by name. 3 was there attributed to hodsr-
gos-the bard he old romaunts name " the
sweettongued.'1 II was in Saxon and began
thus:
Dydl El-dydi El-dum Plyni Nilsson joni