The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1869-10-09
Variety.

Why - Canada like c0urtSnlp ! Decaune IL
borders on the United States.
True wisdom is to know what is best worth
knowing and TO do what is best worth doing.
A man too busy to take care OF his health Is
like a mechanic too busy to take care OF his tools:
Men are rendered happy by the exemption OF
An Irishman says he car see no earthly reason
why women should not be allowed To become
medical men.
In East Saginaw. Mich, within n month, no
less than four women have tried TO commit suicide
by taking poison.
Lord Chatham, who was almost as remarka-
BILE for his manners as for his eloquence and public
spirit, has thus defined good breeding: "Beney-
oleneo in %trifles, or 4 preference OF others to
ourselves in the little daily occurrences OF lie.
The MARCH OF ScIENcE.-Artia (as a hint TO
his FRIEND Bless me- five O'Clock L had no
idea it was so late. How quickly time does fly
now, Yankee: Which / calc'late it's all OWN
our great country.
exclaimed an English cockney to a
Western traveller in England, speaking of the
law of primogeniture, Z" ave you hentail In
Amewica?" Hentail " said the American,
looking at his interrogator with curiosity, no
sir, We have cocktail in America, and u very
popular drink it Is"
4 Western paper says: "a printer last week
proposed to go into partnership with us. His
name is Doolittle. The FIRMS name would sound
very bad either way you put It,, Steal and Do
Little or Do Little and Steal We can't jine.
One of us would soon be in the poor house, and
the other in the penitentiary."
1t is strictly and philosophically in nature and
in reason that there is no such thing as chance or
accident, if by chance or accident is meant the
absence Of all law it is evident that these words
do not signify anything really existing, anything
that is truly an agent or the cause of an event,
but they signify merely mems ignorance of the
real and immediate cause.
Josh Billings was asked, 60 How fast does sound
travel ?" and his idea is, it depends n good deal
on the noise you are talking about. The sound
of the dinncr-horn, for instance, travels half a
mile in a second, while an invitashun to get up
in the morning / have known to be 3 quarters of
an hour going up 2 pair NV stairs, and then not
hev strength enough left to be heard"
1t is recorded that Daniel Webster was once
accosted by a boorish backwoodsman, who asked,
in an of-hand way, Sis this Mr.. Webster?"
/" Yes, sir" "The great MIR. Webster, of Mas
sachusetts?" al am that same MIR. Webster,
of Massachusetts Well sir, 1 heard that
you were n great man, quoth the stranger
but 1 don't think so 1 heard your speech, and
understood every word you said"
A Welsh clergyman applied to his diocesan for
a living. The bishop promised him one but as
the clergyman was taking his leave he expressed
the interior of the principality, as his wife could
not speak Welsh. " Your wife, sir :" said the
bishop, what has your wife to do with it?
She docs not preach, does she ?" "No my
lord, :" said the parson, g but she lectures"
Horace Greeiey's chirography is as difficult TO
decipher rs n manuscript copy of the Koran.
During the excitement attending the Presidential
election, he had occasion to expose some Congress
sional frauds, and quoted the line.-
'Tis true, tits pity. and pity tits, tits true"
On receiving the proof the philosopher was
dumb with establishment as he read
! 40 rria two- 'tis fffy and fffv ,fia ,t;s 6yo =.
\ story is related of n child admitted to the
private study of the present Pope. In prepara-
ton for the Hcumenical Council, His Holiness
ordered from his architect certain embellishments.
the plan of which was brought for his inspection
by that gentleInan's little boy. Charmed by the
plan, His Holiness opened n drawer full of gold,
and said to the child, Take q handful of coin as
n reward for the beauty of your fathers work.
81 Holy fathcr,'' replied the child, &C take il out
ior me. your hand is bigger than mine.'
"DEsAvrNc THE BasTE.'-sI engaged says
n tourist, ga chaise Mt Galway to conduct me
proceeded far when it pulled up at the foot of a
bill, and the Irish driver coming to the door,
opened it. What are you at, man? This isn't
where i ordered you to stop sWhisht, your
honor, whisht : , said Paddy, in an undertone Il
am only desaying the haste. I'll Just bang the
door he'll think yer ont, and then he'll cut up
the bill like Old Scratch,-see if he don't"
AS might he expected, the mortality among
Mormon children is frightful. The poiygamists
are like the old woman who lived in a shoe, and
do not know what tn do with their many chill
dren Mt any rate they do not properly care for
them. OF sixty deaths in Salt Lake City in a
month, forty-fonr were children. Heber Kimball
is reported to have buried forty-eight children
out of sixty-threec in his collection one bishop
had lost twenty children another, twenty-eight;
another, seventeen. Joseph Smith had six wives,
but left only two sons. The death rate among
Mormons of all ages is said to be greater than
that of New Orleans, and more than twice rs
great as that of Oregon.
\ man in the dress Of a workman was lately
walking in the streets of Berlin with a packet in
his hand, sealed and inscribed with an address,
and n note that it contained one hundred thalers
in treasury bills. As the bearer appeared to be
at n loss, he was accosted by a passenger. who
asked him what he was looking for. The simple
countryman placed the packet in the. inauirer's
hands, and requested that he would read the
address. The reply was made as with an agree
able surprise. "Why. this letter Is for me
have been expecting it for a long while." The
messenger upon this demanded ten thalers for
the carriage of the packet, which was readily
paid, with n liberal addition to the porter. The
new possessor of the packet FASTENED to an
obscure corner to examine his prize but, on
breaking the seal, found nothing but a few sheets
of paper, on which was written &c Done
INFLUENCE OF THE MooN-Mr. R. III. Patterson.
IN one OF the magazines, says that Professor Pal
mieri, who has 50 closely studied the phenomena
of Vesuvius, declares that there is a perceptible re-
lation between the phases of the moon and the
developments of volcanic action. Any one who
has lived in the South, or even sailed in the
Mediterranean, may have noticed how carefully
~sleepers in the open air guard their head and face
against the rays of the moon, to avert ophthalmia
and other ills. In India meat exposed to the
moons rays Immediately putrifes. The moons
influence produces tides and currents in the at
m~osphere Just as it does on the ocean. Some of
these facts indicate a lunar action more subtle
then science can yet account for.
GREELEY on ORIENTAL ENIGRATIoN.-Slavery
roots itself In barbarism the slave becomes the
main If not the sole reliance for regular. constant
labor, which is thence regarded with greater
aversion and spurned so far as possible by the
free as the business and badge of serfdom. The
formation of a numerous working class rapidly !
increases the aggregate of comforts and Injuries,