The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1869-09-29

Don't talk to ME about your historical
facts, said paradox-loving friend Of ours
the other day; I've seen so many So
called accepted facts upset. that l really
intend some foe morning to commence
big book on my own account, under the
title of The Humbugs of History"
The idea was not perhaps altogether a bad
one, although, perhaps, man would have
to attain the length of years Of Methuse-
lab, and to lay in stock as much, mid
night oil for the consumption of his
lamp as did the famous Hebrew compen-
tator, Rabbi Chananiah. of whom it is re-
corded, somewhere or other, that before
be contracted TO write a commentary on
Ezekiel, he bargained for supply of no
less than 300 tons OF oil, while lie should
be emerged on his pious task. As one
gets Older, one gets sadly Disseminated.
The old pet beliefs of boyhood fade out
with our dying enthusiasm. the more we
read, and " all that the we know is moth
ing can be known with much certainty
becomes q cuckoo-note of most of US.
Did not the American Mr.. Emerson, only
few years ago, take down our national
pride several pegs by gravely showing us
how our patron saint, st. George for
Merrie England" was nothing better than
a low imposter, originally hailing from
Cilicia, who got lucrative contract for
supplying the army of his time and coun-
try with bad bacon got rich by fraud,
theft, and by the arts of common infor-
mer: turned religious adventurer, and
hrihad his 20 tho PfcbnNrio of
andria; and at last, after being imprison-
ed for his crimes, was dragged out of Jail
and lynched by an angry mob, in A. D.
35l! After this he became in due time
saint, and so undeservedly famous just as
in another way-thanks, MIR. Emmerson,
for your very refreshing candor-Amerigo
Vespucci, " the pickle dealer at Seville,
whose highest naval rank was boatswain's
mate in an expedition that never sailed,
managed to snpplant Columbus, and bap-
tie half the earth with his own dishonest
name" Have we not in our school-days
Rugged to our little bosoms the notion
that Brutus stabbed Julius Caesar purely
for patriotism's sacred sake +? And now
we must be told, forsooth-and alas, but
too convincingly, by heavy German histor-
ical big wigs'-that, it being the custom
in cid Rome for the mobiles to lend the
plebeians money at terribly usurious rates
Of interest. Caesar passed an act forbid
ding this. and was at suspiciously short
time thefeafter butchered by the mobile"
Bratus and his brother conspiratOrs
All Akenside's fine poetry about Bru-
tus ''rising refulgent from the stroke" and
so on. is knocked on the head forever now.
Ell III, Brute r. and that Brutus merely
murderous because disappointed, bill
discounter is too much for ones feelings,
even in this unromantic age. Again, how
much have we not honored the name of
Mr.. Thomas Guy, who founded Guys
hospital" gave away sums in benevolence,
and stares at us in a stone in several stat
ues? Yet what manner of man really was
this Mr.. Thomas Guy? A clever stock
jobber, miser also, and-speak it softly,
with his fine hospital looming in the dis
man who fattened on the wrongs
of the poor cheated English seamen of
his day. Formerly our sailors were paid
in inconvertible paper, not gold. The
reckless Jacks ashore were often obliged to
part with these tickets at any wretched
discount they could get The wise and
good" Thomas Guy trafficked in them,
and became, for those days. millionaire.
the prison phianthro 3ist,T low
ing all the world, and yet driving his poor
son mad by his illjudged harshness Sterne
AS Byron said-weeping over dead dom
key, and yet letting living mother starve;
Byron sending copy of his famous Fare
verses to Lady Byron with
butchers bill inclosed Herewith with
slip like this al don't think we could have
had so much meat as this; please to see
to it !" the great Duke of Marlborough now
acting history in minutes, and now dirty,
ing his hands by peculation in army cloth
ing contracts; Algernon Sydney one mo-
nent mouthing patriotism. and another ac-
,epting brides from France all these peo-
pie, wesay, Jumped together here at random,
without reference to chronological order,
ire, to our mind at least, just so many bu-
humbugs of history, worthy to sit
cheek by jOwl with a bill-discounting Bru-
us, patriot" possibly from private spite
lfter all, and Mr.. Thomas Guy giving
back to the nation, in the way of a noble
hospital, with one hand, what he had, in
,reat part, ruthlessly squeezed out of her
poor seamen with the other Once a
Week.