The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1869-11-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

A sure way to stop wOman's mouth-kiss it,
It has been asked, "When rain falls, does it
ever get up?" OF course it does-in dew time.
The preacher who divides hisadiscourse into
too many heads will hardly find ears for them
all.
A man too busy to take care Of his health is
like mechanic too busy to take care of his
tools.
"well, wife, you can't say ever contracted
bad habits" No, sir, you generally expanded
them"
Why is pig in the parlor like house on
fire. Because the sooner it is put out the
better.
We think man is carrying the borrowing
principle altogether too far when he asks us to
lend him our ears.
The maxim, "strike while the iron is hot" is
getting too slow for the age==You must make
it hot by striking.
Games, how does the thermometer stand to-
day ~ Ours stands on the mantel-piece,
right agin the plastering"
"A Yankee editor gives an account of man
who blew ont his brains after bidding his
wife goodbye with gum"
Some of the Illinois farmers are marrying
the dumb females of the asylum, and declare
that they make dumb good wives.
young NJ. ID. having asked permission of
girl to kiss her, she replied, No. thank you /;
1 never like doctors bill stuck in my face"
A bachelor used the following modification
of a hackneyed phrase in congratulating
newly married friend, q wish you much jaw"
There is said to be great similarity between
o vain Young lady and n confirmed drunkard,
in that neither of them can ever get enough of
the glass
Why is playing chess more exemplary oc-
cupatt0n than playing cartts -Becausc you
play at chess with TWO bishops, but at cards
with four kITaves.
"My dear" said ross-grained husband to
his long-sutfering wife, "do you intend to make
fool of me 81 " No., my dear; nature has
saved me that trouble"
"Ah, Jimmy" said sympathizng friend to
man who was just too late for the train,
''you did not run fast enough Yes did"
said Jimmy, "but1 didn't start soon enough"
"Wife, said man, looking for his razor
and You ought to know it," "Yos,5' said she,
L ought to know where yog8eep your late
hours"
A couple of fellows who were pretty thor
ouqbly soaked with whisky got into the gutter.
After Honndering about for n few minutes, one
of them said, jim, let's go to another house
this hotel leabs"
'Ma, hssryour tongue got legs ?" Scot what,
legs ma Giertai nni, not b.b but
paisay that your tongue was running from
xnorning till night"
AMY boy" said clergyman, don't you
know that it is wicked to catch fish on Sun
day ~ Guess hain't sinped much yet" said
the boy, without taking his eye from the cork,
"hadn't lad bite"
"NIy DEAR" inquired young wife of her hus-
band, on his return from business, have you
seen the beautiful set of furniture which the
Smiths have boughtT' Hemi no, my love,
but I've seen the BILL which quite satisfies me-"
"Young man, do you know what relations
Won sustain in this world ?" said a minister to
a Young man of his church. " Yes sir" said
the hopefuL convert, two cousins and a grand
mother: but 1 don't mean to sustain them
much longer"
A dar<ey's account of sermon g Well, sab,
do sermon was upon the miracles OF de loaves
and de fishes. De minister said der was 1000
twelve apostles, and de miriclo was dat dey
didn't bustw
"Say, Mr.. johnson, is dar any place in de DC.
Bible whar cuIled pussun is mentioned 2,
Well, dar is an if you'd been to meetin'
Sunday, you'd heerd de preacher read how
Niger Demns wanted to be born agin "
"Wh-wh-what he want to be born agin' fur r
al dunno; spec he fought he might be born a
white man next time, An dar's good many
niggers nlibe now like dat old Demus, but dey
wifi alters DO niggers, anyhow"