Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-06-11
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

LONG DIVISIONAL divorce.
NOTE for dull peoples-B sharp.
How TO make clean sweep-Wash
him. 8
"THE man at the wheel The Veloci-
pedestrian.
GALLoPINe CoNsUMPT1oN-E Eating at a
railroad station.
WHAT part of the gun is fit for wearing
apparel? The breech is.
WHAT is the difference between little
boy and apotato? One grows to be eaten
and the other is beaten to grow.
Two LOUISVILLE policemen the other
evening tried for some time, but unsuccess-
fully, to induce cast-iron dog to take poi
soned meat.
GEORGE W. CHnDs proposes to take
his whole Philadelphia Ledger family to
Atlantic City and give them dinner on
the Fourth of July.
THE signboard of tavern near Stras-
bourg, France, bears the following inscrip.
ton Strong beer and wine of the first
quality. Customers drinking more than
twelve glasses will be sent home in cab,
free Of charge, in case they are unable to
wall" @E s1st
A NEVADA miner recently sent on East
for his family, and, when he met them, the
other day, his wife, could not recognize
him until he had shaved, and brides of
sugar plums alone reconciled his children
to calling him papa. Et>>-s
A BUFFALO lady was annoyed by man
named Thompson. She pulled out
pistol and snapped it at him. He moved
off in good order and had her arrested.
She was discharged on the ground that an
unloaded pistol is not deadly weapon.
A MAN was tried some time back, for
stealing several clocks. The defense set
up for him by the learned gentlemen who
appeared for him was this: "That after
the prisoner had taken the clocks to his
own house, he put 'ena all back g The
jury didn't see it!
AMAN whose character was considerably
below par, in talking the other day with q
Brooklyn clergyman who is noted for his
wit, said :e~"Pve always striven hard to
preserve my reputation" Yes, under
stand; you have always expended too
much time and pain on triAes," was the
reply.
TA-toes!" cried colored peddler in
tracts de whole neighborhood -; came
from another colored individual in door
way. "You kin hear me, kin you ?"
"Hear you l kin hear you mile"
"Tank God for dat! Use hollerin to be
heard-ta-to toes" --------.--.--
A French lady returning from Havana
carried with her a little negro boy, for
whom she very tenderly cared. One day
Bamboula said to his mistress: "Papa
told me when was big must kill you
and carry him all your money. Pm going
to kill you, but shan't go back to him,
for he would take all the money away"
Bamboula is on his way home.
LITTLE FREDDY, who, through parental
indulgence, has grown into the easy po-
sition of household tyrant, but is, never
theless, constrained to hold to the use of
such polite forms of filial civility as
=" Yes, sir" and " No, sir" recently came
to the breakfast-table with clouded brow
and general air of discomfort. "Have
some butter, Freddy ?" asked his father.
"No," was the sharp reply. "No what?"
asked the father with some emphasis.
Ono butter" answered the unyielding
Fred.
AT a recent Sabbath School concert, the
ordinance of baptism was administered.
The clergyman in charge expressed graft
fication that the occasion offered him so
good an opportunity to explain to the
children the nature of the service
By way of illustration, he said: "In
Old Testament times, blood was Of
fered as an atoning sacrifice, hence it was
spoken of as a purifier; but what is used
as an element of purity nowadays
what element conveys the idea of perfect
| cleanliness ," A moments silence, and
then a dozen little voices squeaked out
"Soap." - - 4 ~ - "a
| "A FEW days ago, while Judge Barker
was presiding over the Supreme Court at
Lockport, N. Y, juryman was absent
from his seat, all the others being occu-
pied. A dog, looking for the master, very
quietly took the vacant place. The Judge,
addressing Hon. A. P. tanning, of Buffalo,
said: "You see, Mr.. tanning, that the
jurymen's seats are all occupied. Are you
ready to proceed?" The distinguished
pleader raised his glasses to his eyes, and,
after brief survey of the jury box, made
the reply "Your Honor, that fellow
might do for a Judge; but should hate
to trust him for juryman." The Judge
Joined heartily in the laugh that followed.
A NAVAL OFFICER being at sea in a
dreadful storm, his wife, who was sitting
in the cabin near him, and filed with
alarm for the safety of the vessel, was so
surprised at his composure and serenity
that she cried out, My dear, are you not
afraidg How is it possible that you can
be calm in such dreadful Storm" He
rose from the chair dashed to the deck,
supporting himself by pillow of the bed
place, drew his sword, and, pointing to
the breast of his wife, while he adjusted
his life. preserver, exclaimed, care you
not afraid of that sword ?" She instantly
answered "No." Why?" said the
officer. " Because" rejoined the lady, 81
know that it is in the hands of my hus-
band, and he knows, too we'll to hurt me,
that If die now all my money will 90 to
sister Belle"
The New Orleans papers tell romance
OF the Chicot Noir crevasse: The belle
OF q neighboring country seat on the
banks of the river was assiduously court
ed by two eligible young gentlemen, to
one OF whom she gave her heart, but to
the other her parents insisted upon giving
her hand. She vainly demonstrated, but
the day was fixed, the party assembled.
and the unfortunate girl, in bewildered
and half unconscious state, compelled to
" stand up" for the ceremony. just as
the clergyman approached that part of
the service which required her assent
there came roar and crash. The river
had burst its banks close to the house.
The guests fed in terror, the bride tainted
before she had said II WILL" and the re-
II