The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-08-27
dBtif att& 0utttnr.

~o-~O~~~O0~~~~-~-e~o-~~~0~o
tan angels wbiskern was
printers error for whisper.
Motto for a rejected sui.or-He
wooed, and she wouldn't.
- little girl describes fan as ga
thing to brush the warmth off you WITH
lis shingling hair of any advant-
age to the roof of the mouth?
Why should we never sleep in
railray carriage? Because the train
always runs over sleepers.
ii go through my work. as the
needle said to the idle boy. But not
until you are hard pushed said the
idle boy to the needle.
DO on call this a trunk p growl-
ed detected porter.s .'sIt only needs
a lightning rod to be mistaken tor a
boarding house"
- What should a young man car
nv with him when calling upon his afii-
anced? Affection in his heart. perfec-
ton in his manners, and CONNECTION in
his pockets.
mir. Smith, wish to speak to
YOU in private. Permit me to take you
apart tor few moments" "Certain-
ly, sir you'll promiseto put me togetl-
er again."
why, DOCTOR said a sickwlte'you
give me the same medicine 9s you are
giving to my husband; how's that?"
"All right" replied the doctor; ''what
is sauce for the goose IS sauce for the
gander."
- A Bachelor editor says: awe
never cared a farthing about getting
married until we attended an old bach
elor's funeral. God grant that our lat
ter end may not be like his"
-sFather,' said lad, 81 often read
of people being poor, but no nest; why
don't they sometimes say rich, but
honest ?'-'Tut, tut, my son. replied
the father; nobody would believe them.
a man in Wisconsin has invent
ed pocket stove warmed by alchol.
We have seen one of them. 1t looks
very much like pint flask filed with
brandy.
- Areporter describes suicide as
follows Tile laid himself down and
shot himself with his big toe" 1t is
suggested that the weapon was loaded
with nails.
-A An Iowa editor takes pains to
tell his readers that he has had an in
PRODUCTION to young. lady from Ohio
and says she is "all sorts OF lovely
girl, shary as frosty morning, as full
OF tricks as deer, and happy as a flock
of snow BIRDS"
"A minister annoyed his congre-
cation by constantly referring to the
Apostle Paul, and asking tha question,
"Where, then, shall. we put him :" At
last an elderly gentleman arose and
said, Gas am gong home, you ma,
put him in my pew"
A gentleman saw an advertise
ment that receipt for the cure of dys-
pepsia might be had by sending two
postage stamps TO the advertiser. He
sent his stamps, and the answer was,
"Dig in your garden and let whiskey
alone"
- A young Cincinnati dentist was
introduced to a fashionable beauty the
other evening, and gracefully opened
the conversation by saying: "Miss--
l hope l may consider that we are not
entirely ,nacquainted; had the pleas
ure of pulling tooth tor your father
only short time ago."
"A young woman who lately sued
for breach of promise was offered two
hundred dollars TO settle. sWhat ~
she cried, two hundree dollars for
ruined hopes, shattered mind, BIAS
ted life and II bleeding heart? Two
hundred dollars for all this Never.
never Make it three and it's bar
gain"
= Scribe, the French poet, hired a
house in the country to pass the sum-
mer. As soon as he was fairly INSTALL
ed in it he went in search of a farmer
who had mich COW. Having found
one he stated his want. MY good
man, my servant will come every
morning to buy Il pint of milk" very
well, it is eight sous.' But l want
pure milk, very pure In that case it
is ten sous you will milk IN presence
ofmy servant?' ooh, then it will be fif-
teen sous
- A bachelor friend of Ours passing
up Main street a few days ago. picked
up thimble. He stood for moment
medltating on the probable owner,
when pressing it to his lips, sa i'd
"Oh, that this were the fair lips of |
the owner"
just rs he had finished, a big, fat ugly |
colored women looked out an upper |
window, and said
''Boss, jus please frow dat fimble in
de entry, | jis drap it,"
-@Papa," said a little urchin to
his father the other bay, II saw print
err go down the street the other day."
"Did you sonny? How do yol know
the person was a printer ~
"Because do papa"
"But he might have been a carpenter
blacksmith, or shoemaker"
"Oh no paper, he was printer-like-
ly an editor-for he was gnawing
bone, and had 10 stockings on. The
crown was out of his hat aud his coat |
was all torn. | am certain he was a
printer"
REAPER FOR SALE.