Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-07-16
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


AN object of attraction-a magnet. 4
Who is the slave of old ocean? The
surf. 2af
THE "bump of destructiveness" "a
railway collision.
THE most steadfast followers of our for
tunes-Our creditors.
THE man who was wrapped up in his
own thoughts had very thin covering,
and took violent cold in consequence.
"JM," said one youngster to another,
on the Fourth" Jim lend me two cents,
will yer? got up so early that spent
all my money before breakfast. didn't
think the day was going to be SO long"
AN attorney, on being called to account
for having acted unprofessionally in taking
less than the usual fees from his client,
pleaded that he had taken all the man
had He was thereupon honorably &C.
quilted. A 81
A THREE year old boy of Pittsfeld
clergyman, watching his mother making
biscuit one Sunday for tea, asked her if it
was not wicked to work on Sunday. Of
course she said it was, and the logical little
chap continued, "Oo'll catch it when 700
get to heavenp
A CLERGYMAN was one day much an
noyed by those who dropped in after the
service had commenced, Invariably closing
the door after them. He bore the vexa-'
ton with Job-like patience, but at length,
being fairly exhausted from beat, he vocif-
Grated to an offender " Friend, do for
goodness sake, let the door be open. / be-
lieve IL were preaching in bottle, you
would put the cork In"
I'll Il. /, -
full place for horses and dOnkeys. Ac-
cording to correspondent these animals
are used as shark bait. The plunging
animal, whose head is fastened to buoy,
attracts large shoals of the shovel-nosed
monsters, which ravenously tear the
launches and TANKS of the poor beast, and
who spear them. E
THE Springfield Republican says that it
is of member of the Railway Commit
tee of the Massachusetts, Legislature,
| Anno Domino 1859, that this story is told !:
Being on visit, with other members of
the Legislature, to Lowell, during the win
| ter, they were called to see a beautiful
| new steam engine in one of the factories.
| The visitors, impressed, not only with the
beauty, but with the silent majesty of its
movements, walked slowly about it, or
| stood in quiet admiration. The first one
| to speak was our hero. Turning to his
neighbor, he said: "Pretty, isn't it. Does
| the thing 60 by water, or steam?" 81
| MANY years ago, in London, clever
detective of the period hit upon very
| ingenious trick for trapping wstch-pullers
| He made himself up like a respectable old
gentleman from the rural districts, very
conspicuous item of his outfit being an
immense bunch of seals that hung by
ribbon from the watch-pocket under his
waistband In this guise he "Mooned"
about the streets, gaping at everything,
and looking into shop windows. 1t was
not long before he felt sharp tug at his
watch ribbon, followed by yell of agony.
| The astute thief catcher had interspersed
among his seals lot of fish hooks, and so
| it came that he landed the first thief that
pounced upon his bait.
THERE was "run" recently on a
| Brooklyn savings bank, and the directors
found that they had not money enough in
the vaults to meet the demand, and sent a
messenger to New York to get fresh sup
ply. They were afraid to get out, ano in
structed the teller to count very slowly in
order to gain time. The next ruse was to
send one of the clerks into the line of de-
positOrs, and have him present his account
and get into a row with the teller. He
did his work to perfection, complained
that the money was not all right, COM
PEELED the cashier to count it several times,
and made so much noise that policemen
had to be sent for. This rest of the de-
positors were amused at the row, and for
got that they were being detained. When
] the messenger arrived with fresh supply
of money, the teller apologized to the
fictitious depositor, the quarrel was made
up, and the work of paying went on.
A SCoTcHMAN and an Irishmam hap
pened to be journeying together through
a most interminable forest, and by some
mishap lost their way and wandered about
in pitiable condition for while, when
they fortunately came across miserable
hovel, which was deserted save by lone
chicken. As this poor biped was the only
thing eatable to be obtained, they eager
" despatched and prepared it for supper.
| When laid before them, Pat concluded
that it was insufficient for the support of
both himself and Sawney, and therefore
proposition was made to his companion
that they should spare the chicken until
the next morning, and the one that had the
most pleasant dream should have the chick
en-, which was agreed to. In the morning
Sswney told his dream. He thought an
gels were drawing him up to heaven in a
basket, and he was never before so happy.
Upon concluding his dream, Pat ex-
claimed, Och, sure, and be jabers, saw
We going, and thought We wouldn't come
back, so got up and ate the chicken my
SELF"