St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1869-01-29
The Pirate Hdbifs of Horace
GreeteU.


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M,kc: ~ man @ hgah4, n,. weathy. 20 l.l and wi.s
hr appoints each individuals task for ,br
dav. sets him at it with cucouraoino
words. and ti.n-uo,s back tn he'll o,,,in
| mention lrrr. in no t,ult-tindiuo .nirit
hut with Difference Justly Jue to = man
who j. older. and wiser and worthi.r
than |. that lie Snore> awfullv. In a
moment of irritation. once. | was rash
enough to -av that never would sleep
with hm until he broke himself of this
unfortunate habit have kept INV word
with bi.otpd and umwavcring resolution.
At haIl-pa-t eleven o'clock. Mr.. Gree
ley rises again. lie >lavcS himself lie
considers that there Is grcat virtue and
economy in Shawn" himself. lie does it
with dull razor, sometimes lIrmmrng
pant ii tame. tand takes an innocent
delight IN regarding II As the first part of
Old Hundred; but partirs familiar with
that hymn have trlt obliged to confess
that they could not recognize il, and,
therefore, the noise lie makes is doubt
less an unconscious original composition
Of Mr.. Grccley'-) and sometimes, when
the razor i, especially dull. ne accompa-
nie- himself with a formula like this
"Damn the damned razor, and the damn
ed uutclst who made it
lie then goes ont into his model "ar-
den, and applies his vast store of agri-
cultural knowledge To the amclioration
of his cablagcS: after which lee writes
an able agricultural article for The in
>truciion of American farmers, his soul
chccrcl the while with the reflection that
il cahbaues were worth eleven dollars
apiece. hi~ model farm would pay.
He next zoe, to breakfast, which is a
frugal. ah~tcminuS meal with him. and
consists OF nothing but lust such things
as the market affords. nothing more. lie
drinks nothing but water-noth!ng what
ever but water, and coffee. and tea, and
Scotch ale, and lager beer, and lemonade
with Il t!y in it. sometimes a house fly,
and sometimes horse fiv, according to
the amount Of inspiration REQUIRED to
warin him up TO his daly duties. Dur-
ing breakfast he reads the Tribune all
through and enjoys the satisfaction of
knowing that all the brilliant things in
it, written by Young and Cook and IIaz-
ard and myself are attributed to him by
a coniilirg public.
After breakfast he writes a short edi-
torial, and puts a large dash at the be
ginning OF it, thus, g which is the
same as if lie PIT IL. c., and takes a
savage pleasure in rejecting tina: none of
lis uuler~trappcr- can use that dash, ex-
ccpt in prolane conversation, when chat
ing over the outrage. lie writes this ed,
itorial i'll his own hand writing. lie
docs it because he is SO vain of his PEN
manshiP. He hired out once, in his
Young days, rs writing master, but the
enterprise failed. The pupils could not
translate his remarks with any certainty.
Ills first copy was, ''Vlrtue is its own
reward" and they got it ''Washing with
soap Is wholly absurd" and SO tie trus-
tees discharged him Tor trying to convey
Ill ,...,.l. ,I.....,.I a., -, L., - 49,,