The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1869-08-10
TIE AIAMHaR TWINS.

MARX Twain contributes 10 the
August number OF PGekdrd'S Monthly
Q humorous paper on the Siamese twins
from which we quote as follows:
The twins always 60 TO bed at the
same time; but Chang usually gets up
about an hour before bis brother. By
an understanding between themselves,
Chang does all the in>door work and
EuRfpn all the errands. This 10 be.
cause Eng likes 10 20 out; ChanR's
habits are sedentary. However, Chang
is q Roman Catholic; still, TO please his
brother, Chang consented 10 be baptized
Of the same time Eng was, on condition
that Il would not count During the
war they were strong pArtisRnB, and
both fought calamity oil through the
great strugHle-Eng on the Union side
and Chang on the Confederate. They
took each other prisoners at Seven
Oaks, but the proofs Of capture were 90
evenly balanced In favor OF each that
0 general army court martial had 10 DO
assembled 70 determine which one was
properly the cAptor and which the cap.
tive. The jury was unable to REree for
. long time; bot the vexed question
was finally decided by agreeing 10 con.
slider them both prisoners, and then ex.
changing them,
Their ancient habit Of going always
together had IL drawbacks when they
reached mAn's estate and entered upon
the luxury Of counting. Both fell In
love with the same girl. Each tried 10
steal clandeStne interviews with her,
but ct the critical moment the other
would always turn up. By.and.by
Fog cav, with distraction, that Chang
had won the gHl's Affections and,
from that day forth he had 10 bear with
the agony Of being q witness to all their
dainty billing and cooling. But with q
mARnanimity that did her Infinite
credit, he succumbPd to his tate, and
gave countenaDce and encouragement
70 q state OF things that babe fair 10
sunder bis generous heart. strings. BE
sal from seven every evening until two
In the morning, listening 70 the fond
foolishness OF the two lovers, and to the
conclusions OF hundreds Of squAndered
ktsses-for the privilege Of sharing only
one OF which be would have given his
right hand. Bot be sat patiently and
waited and gaped, and yawned, and
stretched, and longed for two O'Clock
TO come. And he took long walks With
the lovers on moonlight evenings
sometimes travsrslnR Ten miles, not
withdrawing he was usually suffering
from rheumatism. He 10 an inveteERfe
smoker: bus he could not smoke on
these occasions, because the young lady
was painfully sensitive 10 the Smell OF
tobacco. EGG cordially wanted them
married, and done with It; bat although
Chang often asked the momentous
question, the young lady could not
gather suthetent courage TO answer Ii
while Eng was by. However, on one
occasion. after having walked some
sixteen miles, and sat up Till nearly
daylight EDg dropped asleep from
sheer exhaustion, and then the ques-
ton was asked and answered, The
loverH were married. All acquainted
with the circumstances applauded the
noble brother-ln.lAW.
Chang belongs 10 the Good TemplArs,
and Is q hard working and enthusiastic
supporter OF all temperance reforms.
But TO bis bitter distress, every now and
then Eng gets drunk, and Of course that
makes Chang drunk, too. This uuf0r.
tunRte thing has been 4 great sorrow 10
Chang, for II almost destroys his use.
fitness In his favorits dsld Of effort.
As sure A. he Is 10 head = temperance
procession, Eng ranges up alongside
him, prompt to the minute and drunk
a. lordi but yet not more dismally
and hopelessly drunk than his brother,
who has not tasted drop. And 90 the
two begin 10 boot and yell, and throw
mud and bricks at the Good Templars;
and, Of course, they break up the pro-
cession. 1t would be manifestIy wrong
to punish Chang for what EGG does,
and, therefore, the Good Templars &C:
cept the untoWArd situation, and suffer
In silence and sorrow. They have ON
cially and deliberately examined into
the matter, and and Chang blameless.
They have taken the two brothers, and
filled Chang full OF warm water and
sugar, and Eng full OF whisky, and 10
twenty-five minutes 1t was not possible
to tell which was the drunkest,