The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-03-20
VARIOUS ITEMS.

II am transported to see you," as the
convict said to the kangaroo.
A girl that has lost her beau nav a,
well hang up her fiddle
A good sermon is like kiss. II re-.
qnircs two heads and one application.
"Mother," said little poet of four
summers, slisten to the trees MAKING
music for the leaves to dance BY"
A highly educated constable some-
whore III the Northwest. exposes for
sale a roam horse, ''or so much thereof
as may be ncssary" to satisfy the judg-
| ment.
! A gentleman said to his Hbernian SER
want: "Pat, here comes funeral; do
you know who is dead % sFaith, I
| guess, sir, it must be the man in the
coffin was the reply.
San Francisco has s'mecting" cvery
now and then about some public calamity.
1t had an Earthquake" meeting, and
now we see lengthy report in San
Francisco paper headed 'sthe small pox
meeting" Such an assembly must be
interesting.
Sometimes girls says "nop to an offer
when it is as plain as the nose on her face
that she means yes. The best way to
judge whether she is in earnest or not. is
to look straight into her eyes and never
mind her nose.
a country editor perpetrates the fol-
lowing: ''Alarred, up town, the other
day, at Mrs. Williams, Mr.. William
Williams Of Williamsport, to his cousin,
Miss Lizzie Williams. For particulars
see small Bills.
A gentleman once asked little girl.
an only child, how many sisters she
had, and was told three or four. Her
mother asked Mary, when they were
alone, what had induced her to tell such
AN untruth.
why, mamma" cried Mary, 81
didn't want him to think you were so
poor that you hadn't but one child.
Wouldn't he have thought we wero
drefful poor: 2"
An exchange says that Brigham
1ouns's son Joe smokes good cigars,
drinks good liquor, gets drunk, plays
poker. licks his wives, and breaches the
Gospel.
Toads are sold in Paris ut the rate of
fifteen cents dozen This animal IL
used for the protection of vineyards and
escape the pursuit Of birds
1t is said that on the map used by the
llindoos, Africa is depicted as a small
island, and America is made one of, its
chief towns. No one is Obliged to be.
i'eve the story until he has seen such q
map.
a Berlin paper announces that Rus.
sian oifcer OF st Petersburg has invented
a new tirearm more murderons than anv
hitherto known. It can be fred off two
hundred times per minute, and will fll
space OF thirty PAGES square with a
shower of grape and shot, It can be
directed against objects near or distant.
and will produce its effects ut a distance
Of 400 paces Its management is OK
lremely easy.
At school in the north of England.
turing lesson In the animal kingdom.
he teacher put the following question:
"Can anyboy name to me an animal Of
,he order of edcnta,s-that is a front
oothless animal"
A boy, whose face beamcd with pleas.
ire at the prospect of good mark, re.
,licd:
81 can!'
"Well, what is the animal?"
aMy Grandmother" replied the boy,
With great glee.
SHAnP.-A man from the country was
ccos'ed by Chicago Juvenile with the
lsual question
"Black your boots, sir?"
tNo." 4.
'Black EN- for Eve cents, SIR"
"No"
an do 'em for pothinoin
".All right"
The young hopeful set abont his wor'
nth great relish, and soon had one ho,
n bright, shining condition. Tber
nrn'ns up his face to blackee, he gravel
nnounced: "Now you'll have to rive
ne quarter to do the other"
"Old Mugsins" is the favorite it'll
csfowed on their fathers by the Nevada
'ity youth.
The E.nOIISh Ar