The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1869-08-21
WIT AND WT6OOW

FLoArlNG capital-Ths heiress bathing !.
Long Branch.
GOVERN your thoughts when alone, and
your tongues when in company.
BoRE-a man wh) persists ia talkioo
about himself when you wish tostalk about
yourself.
WOMEN charm, as a genera; thing, ia uro-
portion as they are good. A plain face, with
heart behind il, il worth a world Of heart
less beauty. Men who have tried both uni.
formly agree to this.
ToK Moore said to Sir Robert Peel, on
looking at the picture Of al Irish orator:
: You can see the very q1iver Of his lips"
''Yes," said Peel, Sand the arrow coming
out Of it," lie meant arrah.
When Eve brought to all mAnklnd
Old Adam called her woman;
Aud when shs wood with love kind,
He then pronounced her woo-mAn
But now, with folly, dress and pride,
Their husbands pocket trimming,
The ladies full Of whims,
That people call them whim men
A LADY whose family were very much ia
the habit of making c)nundrums, vas one
evening asked by her husband ia "a excited
tone, "Why are these doors always left
opeO?" "I give i up =" Instantly res pond
ed bis wife.
''JANE, give the baby some laudanum and
put il to sleep, and bring me my parasol. I
am going to a meetiAg OF the Society for
the AmeliOration Of tho Condition OF the
Human Race"
A SON OF Bacchus who had drank deeply
OF bis favorite potations once missed bis
footing At the top Of the hotel-stairs, and
alter several gTrations, arrived, head-Hrst,
at the landing. A good Samaritan ran 20
pick him up, but was rewarded for his COM
passion after this wise "Now, YOU ies
len me lone, will you /; alters come down
stairs that ways
WELL, | went to Albany aud took dinner
ut a taveren. Right beside me sat mem
Der OF the legislature from ono Of the back
towns. Before bis plate was a dish pep
pers, and he kept looking at them. Fioally,
as the waiter was very slow bringing on the
things, he up with his fork, and in less than
no time soused one into his mouth. A. he
brought down bis grinders the tears came
into his eyes. AT last, removing the pepper
into his hand he laid it down by the side
OF his plate, and with q voice that set the
whole table in roar. exclaimed: Just lie
there and cool n"
AFRAID OF LIGHrNlNe.- ashIneton Irv.
ing and Lewis Gaylord Clark, while walking
near Sleepy Hollow, we're over-taksn by 9
storm. There was great laundering and
lightning, and Mr.. Irving took refuge under
tree, asking his companion:
"Why don't you come in here and be as
comfortably housed az am 20
81 darn't do il, my dear sir" replied Mr..
Clarke. "I am afraid Of lightning. MY
father was once nearly killed BY it while
standing under tree in a thunder storm,
and be always epjOined it upon bis twin
boys never to do the like"
"Oh," said Mr.. Irving, "that alters the
case, II lightning runs In your A1mily, |
commend your caution.
A BRIGHT JUVENILE. The worthy gentle
man who rules the rising generation Of boys,
in a certain town in Tennessee, bad occa-
zion, recently, to correct q little boy named
Johnny. Now, Johnny bad what 10 called
'skulls," because he was whIpF cd, and in
order to convince him that he was justly and
necessarily punished, his teacher had re-
course to the following argument:
swell, Johnny, suppose you we're riding
q big horse 70 water, and had q keen switch
JIa lhsuree ymrA-~u - h0rae wae
+ nv your GRhds aDu Es-vrs~.-Snu -Aama x 4
to stop and refuse to 90 any furthce y.-SS5
\ wOulo you 90
Johnny stiAed up bis sObs for q moment
and looking up through his tears, innocent
ly replied:
"'d cluck to him, sir"
"Buts Johnny, suppose be wouldn't 90
for your clucking, what then 7"
81 would get down and lead him, sir"
Sand if be was obstinate, and would not
let you lead him Z"
"WhY, would take OF bis brldle and
turn him loose, and walk home, sir"
"YOu may 60 and take your seat, John
n.y."
For Johnny couldn't see the necessity OF
using the switch.