Dallas herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1849-1873, 1869-09-18
Consumption-"Its Uses and
AhNNh
ny A. nEAD,

NoNsuiuNuH lHNle' "'"f -
thus: positive eonsump, comparative
consumption, and suporlative con-
sumptive. One who has eonsump'
tion always desires TO decline IT,
and il generally ends in n decline
on his part. / had il myself, but
went TO see the doctors who had big
advertisements and big signs on the
fences, read consumption cured.
and got eured-from going to sec
EN- any more!
While | had II | received very III
tie advice and was only recommend
cd 10 try n few remedies; here are
some of EN-; alphabetically derang'
ed: =,
A. said If would 60 TO st, Paul
Mimi, would DO Samson in 8
months. | didn't Samson.
b. told me il l wanted to live ]
must 90 to Texas. / went, and as
d. Webster said, 81 amt ded yet
IL would not live alwuz."
C. recommended Bourbon whis'
key, but that went against my grain.
/ cannot, cannot drink. Its against
my principles and makes my nose
red. / never did drink and never
will again.
ID. said | must never drink alco.
holic stimulants, and mustn't cat
salt: only one meal day, and that
to consist ofa canary birds harsclet
dipped in codliver oil. A smclt or
sardine might be eaten on Fridays
Il. told me to go to see n long
voyage and 1 would be hearty as a
brick.
+. told me TO 60 10 hunting bucks
in the interior, and not go neer the
salt water at all.
G.. told me to Git up and gitl' But
l had no velocipcdo.
III. recommended faX-sced tea and
slippery elm bark. AS had been
barking some time | tried it till l
was faxed out.
thought l would do pretty much
us pleased; so l took to exercising
in the open air, eating rare roast
beef, rare steaks, plenty Of fruit,
drinking Scotch ale; and l soon got
fat, ragged and saucy. In addition,
l took all the 4 going and every
thing that follows, out of compi-
ment to the kind soles who recon-
mended it. There is only q few
simple doses, as l before remarked,
and you will sec.
X. said q suro cure would be
found in tho piny woods; but l had
pined away until l was boughed
down so rs to become a weeping
Will-o'-the- Wisp!
l.. recommended Brandrcth s
pills, but.
NJ. persisted in rs. T.-1S6O-X," "
which means in medical parlance,
Stand Treatment from 1860 until
havn't got an X.
o. wanted me to 60 to the Sui
phur Springs, but l had too much
the dread of birthstone TO begin on
it now.
P. recommended me to study for
ministry, preach little while, and
my congregation would send me TO
Europe for my health and pay my
expenses. L am satisfied they
would be willing to send me some
where after l had preached a short
time. l know of one minister who
was sent to Europe for his health
by his "fock" and had to eat four
meals day and drink brandy and
water all the voyage, to prevent
sea a-sickness. When he returned,
he was "called" toa "more extended
field of usefulness" and-a higher
salary.
And it went on through the 26
letters of the alphabet, the 10 num-
erals, and a new medicine for every
hair in my head.
WHAT I HAVE TRIED.
Acids, anodynes, ammonia, arrow
root, ale, advice Qots of it.
Baths, blisters, bleeding, benvoine
and abenzine" bitters.
Coughs, syrups, cod liver oil,
champagne, claret, and more cod
liver oil. . .(-...l
Doctors, drugs, debility.
Eradicators, csculents, Europe.
Fir balsam, fruits, fussing.
Goose grease, guava jelly, gym
seng, and gin without the seng.
Horehound, "hen-fruit," borse-
radish, hasheesh, and hash without
the eesh, and "hoisting."
Inhalation, ice, ipccachuana, TO-
dimes, "imbibing"
Jalsp, juleps, and Jamaica rum.
Krug, kirshwasser, kussiDg.
Lemonade, lobelia, lozenges, Ii
quorice, and liquor without the ice.
Medicines.
Nicotine, nostrums.
Olive tar, onions, oxygen, orange
lcdl ted.
Pitch, pills, Poultiees, plasters.
QuiniDe, quacks.
Rest, relishes. rum.
SarsapariIla, squiiis, seidlitz pow
ders, salts and senna.
Tar, tinctures, tolu, travelling.
Urbsl
Yichy, Vinaigre de Toilette.
Whisky.
X.
Y.
Y.
4.
Ihave tried all uiese, and where
an y ASK the OFerseeT Of the