The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1869-08-27
" attached to Emily; bu. wa mia nomor,

ly attached to Emily; but we said nomors
about the matter, and I went away, VOW.
ing never to get myself into such n scrape
again by asking aiter anybodys wife. I
did not sec my friends now wifo for about
month Afterwards, until one day met
her in the house Of q mutual acquaintance.
and In the course of conversation said to
her: BY tho way. might I ask You to say
to your husband that I want him to como
to my Office some day next week p
u don't think you know my husband.
she replied. smilingly.
What do you mean p said !, getting
nervous.
why, my new husband Is named Smith.
shc answered. 4 was separated from Mr..
De Worse yesterday morning, and married
Mr.. Smith last night
Ileft that house pretty rapidly and reg
istered q second VOW, to the effect that !
would never, to my dying day, ask Chi
cago lady about her husband again. Tho
two mistakes I had already made, rs to
Chicago wives and husbands, made mo do
cidcdly shy Of them. But the very next
day went into De Vorsc's store (corn,
pork. and provisions) and found him en-
gagged in conversation with a terrible an
gular female, who looked like compound
of q New England old maid. n western
woman's rights lecturer, and an Arkansas
squatter'swife. Ofcoursc I pitied my friend
and, when tho terrible female had gone,
remarked. 4 congratulate you on your cs-
cape; that horrible female would have ex-
hausted any mans patience in ten moments
conversation what was my horror when he
replied: 4 must beg you to speak moro
respectfully of that lady; she Is at present
my wife-af fact ofIwhich you arc ofcourse
unaware, rs VIC were married very private
ly. last night.
Inever said n word, but fed abruptly
from his presence. Once moro I swore-
and went before q notary, who had the
biggest kind of a Bible, so rs to make tho
oath moro binding-that never, never
would speak disparagingly ofany Chi
cago woman to any Chicago man. Alter
that felt better, and for two weeks avoid
cd making any more mistakes. At the
end of that time, however, met tho new
and angular Mrs. Do Worse, to whom I
had. in the meantime been introduced,
having the liveliest kind ofs quarrel with
big. prize fighting looking fellow, who
was apparently on the point Of knocking
her down. or course flew to her rescue
and demanded to know of the fellow what
he meant; also II he was aware who that
lady was, and who her husband wasp To
which he briefly, stentoriously, but, rs It
struck mo. irrelevantly remarked, Hell!'
paid no further attention to him, but
turning to Mrs. Do worse, said: Madame
permit me to protect you from that rufiian's
insolence.'
Instead Of thanking me, she actually
slapped my face, and aid:.I'll teach you
to interfere between man and wife. That's
my husband, and we've been married
three days. It's pretty hard thing II a
wife can't stop In the street to speak to her
husband without having some idiot come
aud make muss about it.
Now. continued the lawyer. this Is not
only true story, but 1t is fair example
of tho continued trouble that man gets
into who lives In Chicago, and doesn't
know how to hold his tongue. You now
understand why hate the Chicago Gus
toms, and why I go In for indissoluble
marriages. I never made mistake In
asking man about his wife the whole
time / lived in New York, but here Ihave
got into more awkward places, and had
more fights than could count, just because
no man or woman stays married more
than q month Mt firrthcst."
We drank weak lemonade rogethcr In
solemn thoughtfnlncss, and I parted from
him with the feeling that bad rs It Is to be
iudissolubly connected with nm unpleasant
mother-in.law. It Is better than TO bo con-
stantly bothered by n change Of wife.