Santa Fe weekly gazette. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1864-1869, 1869-07-24
Number z.
MISCELLANEOUS.

Why Is the letter like dinner! Because
IL comes before I.
Way Is the letter D like sailor' Becsusoit
follows the c,
Why is sausage like woodchuck' Bo-
cause It Is ground-hog.
WuEN IS lawyer strongest When he is
fee-best,
! A CRITIC SAYS of certain singer. that she
sings few airs and puts OIL a great many"
Why should a wooleuttcr never be hun.
CRY! Because he can always have chop by
axing.
Why isa list Of musical composers like q
saucepan Because il is incomplete withouts
Handel
PoLrE smoker, at side Of nilway car:
ALLOW me to assist YOU to a.ight" Severe old
lady Thank you, do not mokel"
II leaden bullet hits man. what strik-
ing metamorphosis takes place! The leaden
bule letbecomes felt
THE most remarkable organ in the world is
the organ Of speech in woman; il is an organ
without stops.
as your house warm one landlord"
asked gentleman in search OF house" It
ought to be" was the reply; "tho painter
gave it two coats recently"
A WITNESS being interrogated as to his
knowledge of the defendant in the case, said,
he knew him intimately-"ho had supped
with him, sailed with him, and horse-whipped
him."
A LITTLE girl attending Sunday School for
the first time, was asked who went into tho
lions den. "0h, know" she said, at was
Dan Rice"
An Irish lad complained the other day of
the harsh treatment he had received from hi,
father He treats me, said he mourntnlly,
''as if was his son by another father and
mother"
THE latest Undergraduate Joke at Yale col
lege was hetransfer at midnight, of II florists
sign--"New Haven Nursery"-toa q conspicu-
Gus position on q Aourishing young ladies'
seminary.
A GENTLEMAN of Rochester SAW nm adver-
tisement that q cure for dyspepsia might DO
had By 9endng postage stamp to the adyer-
tiser, He sent his stamp, and the answer was,
'Dig in your garden and lot whisky alone"
"MAY," says the anatomist changes en-
tirely ever seven years.
therefore" SAYS Jones, 'my tailor should
not ask me for the bill contracted in 1862.
| arn not tho samO person. honco' owe him
nothing"
A FRENcu duolst coming home from his
last meeting, gave two napoleons to the coach
man, MANY thanks; it Is pleasure to drive
you out" II beg your pardon; it is not for
driving me out that gave you those two
louis, 1t Is for driving mo home again"
A PARIS letter. says a fast actress visited
the ChNrenton mad house, few DAYS ago.
She asked one Of the patients, "What brought
you here" He replied, "An Internal woman
like you!" She exclaimed, "Why, really,
that man is no. SO mud as people pretend ho
Isl"
A WEALTHY merchant who had become a
bankrupt, was met, some time after bis mis-
fortune, by friend. who asked him how he
was getting on. "Prctty we'll" said he, II
am upon my legs again" How! already"
ayes; have been obliged to part with my
carriage and horses, and must now walk"
IT Is not an uncommon complaint agoinsts
newspaper TINT 1t hasn't life enough, But q
brother editor reports this odd objection made
to his paper BY n gossiping old lady; II like
your paper very much; have only one oboc-
ton to it--t hasn't deaths eHough."
An incredible story is told in the New York
papers. A beautiful Young woman entered q
street car and working man. whose coun-
tenancc bore evidence of day of toll, politely
offered her seat please keep your seat,
sir was the response, you are no doubt
tired.
DURING the war an old woman went into
village shop to buy half pound of candles.
Being told the price, she found II more than
sfe hRd heed used to, and asked the reason.
; Tho shopman snid il was because Of tho war,
on which the old woman exclaimed "Deary
me sir, have they taken to fight by candls-
lighH'
A Girl, keeper Of toll.gate In England,
was asked by swell veocipedist, WHO
thought to cEafo her, Low much he had to
pay. "That, sir replied she. depends whe-
thcr vol get off your dandy horse and drag Il
through; because in that case every two Wheel
ed Vehicle drawn by q horse or an ass pays
three cents"
The following intoxicating toast was offer
ed by Mr. StearQs at festival given to the
National Division Of the Sons of Temperance
at Washington: "Wonan--M beautiful
than flowers, more delicious than strawberries
and cream: the purest spirit Of the age-she
Is far more intoxicating than wine; we love,
her, and she cannot help herself"
GEN FORREST Is negotiating for large
number OF Chinamen TO work on the Memp-
his and Selma railroad. They are those
thrown out Of employment by the completion
of the Union Pacific railroad.
A BUxosI young lady of San Francisco was
t insuted when alone on the street the other
evening, by vile fellow; but instead of scre-
aiming or fanting, she simply broke his head
with a cobble-stonc.
JEAN MARIA FARrNA, tho genuine colo
gnc manufacturer, Is dead, leaving seventeen
other, but fraudulent, Jean Maria Farinas In
cologne to survive him. Laura Farina, S2,-
100000, manageable, and but q, succeeds
him in the cologne business.
! The income returns for the districts Of the
city Of New Yerk, show an increase of 600
income tax PAYERS in 1868 on the number Of
1861, All increase In incomes assessed oil Sl7-
5il 500, and an increase Of incomes tax Of
$977,47l.
ALEAvENwoRrH editor In quest ofspecial
attractions for his paper, He says; What
,ua,t 60. at. aa1,n,n Ia narsnnalitiaa n