The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1869-09-11
WIT AND WTa00@

VII AND WIRDOM.
Inc right man in the right piace y -
band at home in the evening. uus-
Men with few faulss are the least orv,o
to discover those Of Others, A'OuS
The greatest fault that can Be comm;.,sa
IN life 10 to quarrel with a superior man.
He is happy man who hath true rriand
at bis need but he is more truly hannv tba,
hath no need Of his friend. rr' '-"'
A knowing traveller out West. who bad
chartered half q bed at crowded hotel AMI
was determined to have the best half buc.
kled a spur on his heel before turning n.
His unfortunate sleeping partner bore ~
infiction as long as he could, and at last
roared out, Say, stranger, If YOU'RE a Ven.
tleman you ought to cut your toe nails -
promising young shaver of Eve ar six
years was reading his lesson at school one
day, in the deliberate manner for which mr..
chins OF that age are somewhat remarkable
As be proceeded with the task be came upon.
the passage, Keep thy tongue from evil aSd
thy lips from guile" Master Hopefully
drawled out, +" Keep thy-tongue-from-
evit-and-thY-lips- ps-from-grls."
INTELLIGENCE. A Dutchman once mt An
lrishman ON a lonely highway. As they
met each smI.ed, thiaking he knew the other.
rat, on seeing hIs mistake, remarked, with =
look OF disappointment, SFaith an thought
lt was yoau, an you thought it was me, an
it is naythur OF US. ."-The Dutchman replied.
" HaW, dat is drhu; l am anuder, man, and
you u not yourself; we pc poth some other
podies."
OUGHT TO HAVE KNOWN HM.-An indivi-
dual possessing unmistakeable evidence Of
African eXtractionwas arranged for larceny.
The judge, as Of right, was digni6ed, buE
SAID, with severe presence, " Are you guilty
or not? Sar p'-" Did you steal these
ciOthes?" he repeated. "Golly, boss, 'clare
never done it'-" This man says you did,
" lie amt nothin' but white trash" !" " And
what are you 2" "Me Why, don't you
know me rid with you in the percession.
| helped TO lead you hcme when you got
tired" that night. Don't you member me
now 7" There was the suddenest" mol.
pros. in that darkey's case that judicial an
nails affords al example Of. So much for the
advantages Of good society.
NATURES sLoGIc.-Papa: "How is il Alice,
that you never get prizs at school ~
Mamma; And that your friend, Louisa
sharp, gets 50 many Z" Alice (inn OSently):
F" All! Louisa Sharp has got such clever
parents !"
"PUScH's" ADVICE TO TIE DEFENDANT IN
THE JRwIsH ABDUCTION CASE Thomas, 1t is
to be hoped, look you, that, in composing
sea and land to make @ proselyte, III will
henceforth conduct yourself with degree Of
scrurulousness which will prevent any repe-
tition Of the general remark that you don't
seem to be very Particular Baptist.
CHARITY AND CRrTIcIsM.-Brown (reads)
I" On Monday last the Princess Teck opened
new drinking fountain il the Regents
Park, erected at the cost Of Cowasise Jeiang-
heer Readmoney, Esq, distinguished Par
see gentleman, who has lately given moro
than 100000 to benevolent institutions in
India. Jones: Ready money, eh 2 And
spent 1t wisely, eb, Brown 2''-Brown
=" Parsee money, too. Better far than parsi-
mony." poke each other in the ribs, and
pass to the next paragraph).
The most efficient Government Inspector
The Public.
MUSICAL MsN-A good many OF our mo-
dern songs" thoroughly deserve to be
called strains," they put one out so
terribly.
Drrne=Arfe. Il Is r5Rca caseR -tlRs ~.
Fs
structed 70 insist with regard to the settle
ment Of the Alabama claims Is that we shall
receive George Francis Train in England
and keep him here. The condition 10 a hard
one, but then the Great Vance is going to
America, SO that may be accoun ted to strike
the balance.
A man recently .breakfasted at the Phoenix
Hotel in Concord. A dish of beefsteak and
plate Of fish balls were set before him, and
be Immediately took one Of the nicely
Drowned fish balls on his fork, and under
took to peel it. Two or three-of course
nsucessful-attemps in this direction were
made, and finally the fish ball broke into
fragments and fell around his plate. In
perfect disgust with this unmanageable ar
tiele, our countryman threw down knife and
forE, exclaimIng, Blame these Concord
potatoes"
THE following poetic illusions are but
specimens Of the many that passed through
the New York postottice last week:
To Miss Emily j. cowsls this letter is sent.
For that Ia the lady for whom il meant.
The address she has xVen looks like A. q. Larry
but the lady herself writes % like the old Harry
Twould puzz.e Greeley to read half her letter
Although he himseN cannot write any better
But the place Is named Gorahm, at any rate,
And New Hsmpshires 50 plain I'm sure that's the state
sECOAD.
To the Hub OF the Universe, the home OF the free,
And the birthplace OF the famous peace Jubilee
TO Boston, Mass, please carry this haw.
The home Of the cursed prohlbitory law,
To III. II. Brace, whose nickname "a Leas.
jolly good fellow when you're in q tight squeeze
Al Jordan. Marsh Co.'S l4S Devo SHIRE street.
Their business Is such that It cannot be beat 4;
You have the directions, deliver the letter
And i You don't fancy it, Why-try and do better.
THIRD.
Go, letter. 60 tarry not with me
CO forth and hnd sam Semnerly
youth that is diVinely fair
Hath hazel eyes and sandy hair.
His years exceed nineteen, I'm told
plessa nc youth, but sometimes bold
90 forth, you have not far run,
Just over In jersey, Pennington.