The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1869-05-11
SoIEum Thoughts.
rY JOSH billings.


Tho fear oy God IL the philosophy ov reli-
sion; the Tore oF doo IL the 0hNi''J w
Eion. .,o, 81,
Hope IL a hen that lays more eggs than she
can hatch out. ..
Retter leave yure child virtew than money;
Int this IL q sekret known only TO lew.
honestly beleave it liz better tew know no.
thing than tew know what amt so.
About the hardest work Il phellow kan do IL
1ew spark two gals at once and preserve a
good average.
Prudery IL one ov Tirtew's bastards.
A nickname will outliye emmy man or thlng;
it IL like the crook in Dogs tale, you may
cut it oph and throw 1T behind the barn, oul
the crook IL thare yet, and the stump IL Inc
eptaph. ,,o
If you analize what most men kali pleZzure
Won will find it composed oT one part hum
bugs and two parts pain.
When you hain't got nothing tew 40, do ltat
once this liz the way to learn to be blzzy.
We hay bin told that the best way to over
KUN misfortunes IL tew fight with them-1
hay tried both ways, and recommend sue
cessful dodge
tew cauZe them tew do IL.
The true way to understand the Judgments
OF Heaven is 10 submit 10 them.
Method liz everything, espeshily teW ordi-
nary men the few men who kan lift a tun at
pleasure hav Il divine right to take holt oy 1t
1eW disadvantage.
The mind ov man liz like piece ov land
that tew be useful, must be MANFRED with
learning. ploughed with energy sown with
yirtew, and harvested with ekonemy.
WHARF religion liz 4 trade, morality liz mer-
ChandiZe.
Couyersashun should be enlivened with wit,
not composed ov 1t.
The less man knows, the more he will
guess at and guessing IL nothing more than
suspicion
Going tew law IL like sknning a new mich
cow for the hide and giving the meat to the
lawyers.
Living on Hope IL like living on wind, n
good way tew git phun, but poor way tew
git phatt.
Jealousy don't pay the best it can do liz tew
discover what we don't want TO find, nor dom t
cXpekt TO.
Sekrets are mortgage on friendships.
don't think a bad man liz az dangerous rs q
weak one-1 don't think bile that has come
tew 4. he'd liz az risky SIS Il hidden one, that
may come to dozen heds.
A vivid imaganashun liz like sum glasses,
makes things 1T Il distance look twice AS big
they am; and cluss to, twice as small as
they am.
Hope IL 4 draft on futurity, sumtimes honor
ed, but generally extended.
If the world dispiZes n hypokrit, what must
they think ov him in Heaven?
Flattery liz like kolone water, tew be smelt
ov, not swallowed.
After all, there don't seem tew be but this
phools the wiZe men are all fuss and sum
feathers, while the phools are nll fuss and no
feathers
Without friends and without enemys liz the
last reliable ackount we hay ov Il stray dog.
Men generally, when they whip mule,
sware; the mule remembers the swareing, but
forgits the licking.
Sum folks wonder WHARF all the lies cum
from, but don't; one good liar will pizen q
whole country.
Hunting after fame IL like hunting after
neas, hard tew ketch, and sure tew make yu
eneaZy II yu dew or don't ketch them.
Menny people spend their time trieing tew
find the hole WHARF sin got into this world-ii
two men brake through the ice into mill
pond they had better hunt for some good hole
tewg git out rather than git into n long argu-
ment about the hole they cum tew fall in.
magnesium, tew much INDUCED in, soon
is tortured into reality; this IL one way thai
good hoss-thiefs are made-a man leans over 9
fence all day and imagines that the boss in
the lot belongs tew him. and sure enuf, the
fust dark night the boss does.
II you must chaw terbacker, young man
for heavens sake chaw old plugg, 1t IL the
nastyeat.