The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-06-03
Editorial Short-Straws:

at new orleans.
Boots with spring attachments are TAX
ing the place of yolocipcdes. A man can go
it ten miles an hour now. 6
They have found the fiddle that Nero
played when Rome was burning We doubt
whether 1t Vas crcmona.
The gold spike that was driven into the
Pacific railroad is worth $3.50. It didn't
stay there long.
The population of Memphis Tenn. has
decreased $1,000 in the last three years..
Attributed to Brownlow and black low-rule.
The New York World describessthe
government as in. "a rapid decline. Don't won
der at it with such an impaired constitution.
Chicago has population of $1,000,
while her churches only hold 1000 people.
That's the reason why she is such wicked
place. s s~e
Justice is off-handcd and swift in Texas
A man who had mare stolen received the
following dispatch "Your mare is here I
will bring her; thief hung
There is dog in Columbus, Ga, that
determined on finding truth, went into dry
we'll twenty five feet deep, and is there yet
enjoying his logged fate.
Letter writers, who, Of course, speak
the truth, say that Grant is being killed by
inches. In former times inveterate suckers
used to measure their drinks by fingers.
There is calf on the farm of Mrs j.
S. Hurt, near Bedford, Va, without any eyes
There are many calves in the National Con-
gress with nothing but mouths.
1t is generally believed that the charges
against Judge Busted Of Alabama will be
sustained. We suppose Grant has forei5 n
mission ready for him.
"A down cast editor wishesto know wheth
er the modern Irish song of wearing of the
green" was not pilfercd from Haydn's "With
yerdure clad 2" 80
Reform has began its march in New
York; two hundred Of the fashionable ladies
have formed Maternal Association, and
agree to nurse their own children.
| The credit of the Mexican Government
is almost as low as that of ours. A claim
against the former for $1S5, 900 was sold in
New York last week for $1e!
| -"What's in namc?" They have de
| capitated a postmaster in Georgia named
1 Washington, and installed Reverend negro
named Turner. Why don't Grant give The
North few kinky postmasters
/ While Judge Archer, of Marshall, Ind.
was removing some boxes, mouse jumped
out Of one of them into his mouth, and star
ted down his throat. The animal thought i
was mos pro zege.
4 The "Rcv. Mrs. Van Cott," of tn,
Methodist Episcopal Church is the lates
New York sensation. She is oidacr-good
looking, "frizzled hair and rosy checks ant
} breaches we'll.
1t takes ffty-sevcn paymastcrs to d,
nothing but pay off the soldiers. Who com
plains of OH not having standing army
Some people can remember when it was .
running army.
j A negro woman in Georgia fixed VI
handsomely to be baptized; but, before sh.
got immersed, she was arrested for stealing
the clothes she had on. Instead of going
to glory, she went ojail.
The hammer that drove the gold spike
n the Pacific railroad is now on exhibition
in seventeen Of the principal cities of thu
United States the Rev Mr. Hammer i.
also doing much toward the Stree love" curse
J in Iowa.
| The Boston Peace Jubilee is to have The
largest drum in the world. 1t is eight fee
in diameter, and inscribed, 'Let us have
peace" Quite appropriate. Grant said i
first, and the Yankees now hammer it out o.
of the sheep skin.
| Affairs are taking darker hue every
day Fred. Douglas has one son in the Treas
ury, another in the Public Printing Office, !:
third in the Probate Office Of Washington
a fourth has applied for admission at the An
napolis Naval School, and fifth is designed
for West Point. Nepotism rules in higl
places.
BTIf General Grant, as many corrcspon-
dents assert. EXPRESSES freely his disannrnha