Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-05-04
How he came to be Married.

RIB and baby. Shadows departed-oyster
stews brandy cocktails, sugar-boxes, abscond-
Ing shirt buttons, whist and dominoes. Shad-
ows present-hoop-skirt band boxes, ribbons,
CATERS, long stockings, juvenile dresses, tin
trumpets, little willow chairs, cradles, blbs,
pap, sugar teats, paregorc, hive syrup, castor
oil, Godfrey cordial, soothing syrup, rhubarb,
SIENNA, salts, squills and doctors bill. Shad
ows furthermore nine pound babies more hive
syrup, etc., etc. I'll just tell you how [ got
caught. [ was always the durndest most tea
custard, bashful fellow you ever did see it was
kinder in my line to be taken with the shakes
every time | saw pretty girl approaching me,
and d cross the street any time, rather than
face one; 1t wasn't because L didn't like the
critters, for if [ was behind fence, looking
through knot hole, | couldn't look long
enough. WE'LL my sister Lib gave a party one
night, and | stayed away from home because
was too bashful to face the music. [ hung a.
round the house whistling ''Old Dan Tucker, ;"
dancing to keep my feet warm watching the
heads bobbing up and down behind the window
curtains, and wishing the laundering party
would break up SO could get to my room. |
| smoked bunch of cigars, and as it was get
ting late and mighty uncomfortable, I conclu-
ded to shin up the door post. No sooner said
than done, and [ soon found myself snug in
bed Now" says I, 'et her rip Dance till
your breath gives outr" And budding under
quilts, Morpheus grabbed me- | was dream
ing of soft-shel crabs, and stewed tripe, and
having a good time Of it, when somebody
knocked at the door and woke ne up. Rap"
again. [ laid low. Rap, rap, rap |" Then
heard whispering, and knew there was a
Lib sings out, Jack, are you there p YES, ;"
says |, then came roar of laughter, 'Let US
H." says she, II won't says |, cant you let a
fellow alone?' Are you in bed?'' says she.
Il am, - says ], ''Get up, says She Il won't
says |, then another laugh By thunder! [
began to get riled ''Get out, you petticoated
searcecrows!" | cried, can't you get beau
without hauling fellow out Of bed? won't
go home with you'll won t-so you may clear
out - And throwing boot at the door, | felt
better. But presently, oh ! mortal buttons |
heard still, small voice, very much like sister
Ibis, and it said Jack you'll have to get up,
for all the girls things are in there!' Oh!
Lord what pickle Think Of me in bed, all
covered with shawls. mufs, bonnets, and
cloaks and twenty girls outside the door wait
ing to get in If [ had stopped to think [
should have tainted on the spot As it was |
rolled out among the bonnet ware and ribbons
In hurry. Smash, went the millinery in
every direction. [ had to dress in the dark
for there was crack in the door, and the girls
will peep, and the way [ fumbed about was
|
found myself right among the women. "Oh,
my Leghorn," cried one. "My dear, darling
winter velvet cried another, and in they
pitched. They pulled me this way and that,
boxed my ears, and one bright eyed little piece
Sal, her name was-put her arms around my
neck, and kissed me right On my lips. Human
nature couldn' stand that, and [ gave her as
good as she sent. 1t was the first time [ got a
taste, and it was powerful good. | could have
kissed that gal from Julius Caesar to the 4th
ct July. Jack, said she, we are sorry to
disturb you, bat won't you see me home. =
eyes" said I, Il WILL y [ did do it, and had
another smack at the gate too After that, we
took kinder turtle-dovlng after each other,
both Of us signing like barrel of new cider
when we were away from each other.
1t was at the close of a glorious summer
day-the sun was sitting behind distant hog
pen-the chickens were going to roost-the
bull-frogs were commencing their evenings
songs-the polly wogs in their native muddles
were preparing themselves for the shades Of
highland Sal and myself sat upon an antigua
ted backlog listening to the music of nature,
such as tree toads, ROSTERS and grunting pigs,
and now and then the mellow music of dis
tant iackass was waited to our ears by the gen
| tie Zephyrs that sighed among the mung
stalks that came heavy laden with delicious odor
of pig-styes. The last lingering rays of the
setting sun, glancing on the brass buttons of
solitary horsemaD, shown thro' knot hole in
the hog-pen full in Sails face, dyeing her hair
with orange-peel hue, and showing off my coat
to bad advantage. One Of my arms was around
Sails waist, my hand resting on the small of
her back-she was toying with my auburn locks
of jet black hue-she was almost gone and [
was ditto. She looked like grasshopper dy-
ing with the hiccups, and [ felt like mud tur-
tie choked with Goldfish ball. Sal" says I,
in a voice musical as a dying swan, will you
| have me?' She turned her eyes heayenward
| clasped me by the hand had an attack Of
heaves and blind staggers, and with sigh that
drew her shoe-strng to the palate, said Yes, -
she gave clear out then and squatted in my
lap-she corkscrewed and confummuxed and
rolled in it. | Rugged her until [ broke my
suspender, and her breath smell of onions
which she ate for supper. Well, to make
long story short, she set the day, and We prac-
ticed for four weeks every night, how we would
walk into the room to he married, till we got
SO we could walk as graceful as Muacovy duck
The night, the company and the minister came,
the signal was given, and arm In arm we
marched through the crowded hall. We were
just entering the parlor door, when down [
went, kerslap on the oil-oloth, pulling Sal after
me- Some cussed fellow dropped banana
skin on the floor, and hoored me. 1t split an
dress coat tail. It was too late to back cut, so
ciapping my hands over it, we marched right
III and were spleed, and taking seat watched
the kissing operation Ny groomsman was
tight, and he kissed her Till [ jumped up to
take slice. when, oh, horror a little six year
imp had crawled up behind me, and pulling
my shirt through my pants, had pinned it to
the cnalr, and In jumping up, | displayed to
the admlring gaze Of the astonished multitude
trifle more white muslin than vas allowable,
and was finally put to bed, and here all nv
troubles ended Good night.
HORRIBLE MURDER BY NEGRoEs-SwIRp
RETRIBUTLoN..-The following is from the Mar /,
shall (Texasl Republican of April 9th.
Ne. have just heard of an affair in ~
county that forms a climax of horrr is H1ash
circumstances as detailed TO MS are 'r 81, me
A young maR By the name Of roi as io muons
who is said to have been a oo .'I oiegn,
county, lett Henderson, -e Sa .es,ief In inc
l he a N STATE OF Alcation, for home. When
Ms ,out eVf a miles from town, on the
--fshall ioad' he stopped at the Widow Griffin
place, where body Of negroes were making a
crop, and ordered his supper. While eating it
he was seized by negroes, who tied his hands
behirld him, and dragged him about half mile
anu hung him. They treated him very brutal
", throwing him over the fences as they reach
ed them, bruisiDg his face and otherwise NAL
/ treating him. While he was hanging they roll
ed back log, dug trench, threw him in it
| before life was extinct, and then rolled the log
back to it's former place. Two Of the negroes
were preachers The principal one engaged in
the murder Julius Jones) stood by with gun,