The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-12-17
MISCELLANEOUS.
Chasing Railroad Trains.

MISCELLANEOUS.
Chasing Railroad Trains.
The Rev. J. Hyatt Smith describes as
follows his experience in trying to take a
train in time:
I'VE stopped at Syracuse, n. Y, for
dinner. You remember the railroad de-
western entrances exactly alike-as much
dined the depot master informed US that
we had seventeen minutes to spare before
the departure of the eastern tram. This,
thought !. viii give me an opportunity to
see the city and glorious chance for q
smoke, provided q clergyman could be
tempted into such a piece Of worldly and
wasteful amusement. I sauntered forth,
and after an absence of exactly thirteen
minutes, having enjoyed delightful and
soothing stroll, was returning, watch in
hand, when, to my astonishment, / beheld
the train slowly gliding out of the other
end of the depot, and Increasing its speed
at every puff of its gigantic locomotive.
Here, indeed, was "call that admitted
neither correspondence nor delay; there
was no time for taking it into considera-
ton" So, without conferring with flesh
or blood, put of like q sky-rocket witha a
double fuse. For moment l thought l
had it all my own way; thought / was
gaining ground, although l knew / was
losing wind. 1 was encouraged in the
race by sundry helpful fellows who kept
crying out as passed, go it gai-
tersl" "piucky boyr" abe aint left,
o, mo-" and other well meaning
and benignant exhortations Though
they intended, perhaps, helping me over
the course, found that the more they
shouted the less inclined was to run, and
the more decidedly did the locomotive
make terrible headway against me. To
give up the chase /; to submit to the chagrin
of being left; to lose my party and my pas
sage; to meet with disappointment and
not to meet with friends, all this was bad
enough; but the thought of encountering,
all the way back to the depot, that line of
interested individuals who with their
cheering exclamations had 30 feelingly en-
couraged me on my outward journey, this
was the bitterest pill in this unexpected
dose. But it must be done, SO tapering off
gradually gave up the contest and turned
back to meet my fate, and-if could find
him-the depot master whose laundering
statements were the cause of all my trouble.
Without search that individual advanced
TO greet me with the bland recognition OF
a fact that no one could well deny, Well,
you got left, did your 1 replied only
with resentment of a "silencing eye"
If looked as tried to look, my photo
graph taken at that instant would hardly
be chosen TO grace an album gallery of
"eminent divines" Several bystanders
seeking information, asked, with q show
of confidential interest in my case, on
what wise the thing had happeneds
and others wishing ITO point a NOR
al" advised me to "be on hand a
little earlier next time" With
returning breath relief and words came
together, and squarely charged the rail-
road official with all the .me. spoke
Of his incompetency, in no measured
terms, recalling how that after l had
placed my party in the car he had assured
me that there were full seventeen minutes
to spare b6fpre the train went out while
here" said 1, with a triumphant exhibi-
tion of nv watch, the " seventeen minutes
are even now barely up. and yet the train
is gone and out of sight" After no little
hot shot cast back and forth, with the
usual variations and final perorations of
"a you did and you didn't" you're anoth-
er," etc, asked him whether / would be
rIsking another chance of being left il
depended upon him TO give me the exact
hour of the departure of the ne1t Eastern
train. "Easternp exclaimed he. "Yes,
Eastern," replied l, with adecided upward
and sarcastic infection. "Why," quoth
he "the train you've just been chasing
with such poor luck wasn't an Eastern
train, but the Western Expressw With
much and increasing confusion and ex-
citemcnt stammered out, "Then where
in Joppa is the Eastern train?" "Why,
there 1t is" replied he, "just getting
under way at the other end of the depot
Leg it, or you'll lose 1tat." If ever i did
make Dexter time / made it then.
passed right through that depot like
the wind. ! felt as if l was all legs
One glance, however, ut the rear door of
the last car as was nearing 1t, came near
being too much for me. ! discovered the
group of my long lost friends, whose
forms and faces seemed bursting with
poorly suppressed and ill-timed mirth. As
/ reached safely the platform, the fire that
opened upon me could only be equalled
for its merciless effect by the fire in the
rear, from which had providentially fed.
/ heard jibes, and jokes, and jeers; heard
the hoarse laughter of full-chested men,
the hysterical efforts of mirth-exhausted
women. They had all witnessed my chase
after the wrong train now fearful lest in
deed l should overtake it, and then re-
joiced at my evident lack of what jockeys
call "bottom," as my speed began to
slacken and my chances with the locomo-
tive began to grow "small" by degrees
and beautifully less. They had witnessed
the " blowing up" administered the depot
master, the strange procrastination in
starting for the right train, until at length
it had actually started and had entered
upon a second stern chase" Then they
feared 1 was left again, as they looked
with breathless interest at the unequal
contest of legs psrs1 locomotive. They
had witnessed my final triumph, but how
gracefully was welcomed, and with what
feelings received their peculiar congratu-
lations, l leave my hearers to imagine.