The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1869-09-17

reads thus: 'Our couch shall be roses be
spangled with dew"
To which a sensible girl replied
"Twould give me the rheumatic, and 50 i
would you"
At medical examination a young sspi
rant was asked, "When does modification
ensue2'.
''When you propose and are rejected,
was the reply that greeted the amazed ex'
sminer.
A French child asked the priest the othei
J day, f'Why is it, father, that we ask every
day for our daily bread, instead of asking
/ our bread for a week, a month, or the whole
yeAr9'
"Why you little goose, to have it fresh
to be sure, was the reply.
A little girl, after returning from church,
where she saw collection taken up for the
/ first time related what took place; and
among other things she said, with all her
childish innocence, '!that q man passed
around plate that had some money on it.
but didn't take any"
Professor B, the eminent electrician,
was travelling lately in the cars, when a
man, came up and asked him for his fare
"Who are your said B.
"I7 my name is Wood; am a conduc-
tor"
''Oh, said the Professor, very quietly,
''that can't be, for wood is a non-conduc-
tor"
An old bachelor, picking up a book, ex-
claimed, upon seeing a wood-cut represent
ing man kneeling at the feet Of q woman.
"Before would kneel to a woman 1 would
encircle my neck with a rope and stretch
it" And then, turning to a woman, he in
quired "Do you not think it would be the
best thing I could do2"
at would undoubtedly be the best for the
woman" was the sarcastic reply.
1t was ina Massachusetts, village that an
old scissOrs-grinder, calling on a minister,
made the usual query, ANY scissors to
grind?"
minister turn, which he took by asking,
&c Are you a man of GodP"
81 do not understand you
:'Are you prepared TO die2"
The question struck home. Gathering
up his kit and scrsmbling for the door, he
exclaimed, terror stricken:
20 LOrdl 0 LOrdl you amt going TO kill
me, are your
The Democratic Legislature of last win
ter appropriated $22,5OO to pay for five
thousand volumes of Swan d Sayler's Sup
plement to the Revised Statute"-a work
containing twelve hundred pages-but after
it was printed, and before distribution, they
repealed four hundred and eighteen pages
Of It.
Republican extravagence would perhaps
have repealed the four hundred and eighteen
raaUac if thou vvnrp T,ror,ar 20 ha rar,ool lod
and not republished them at an expense of
nearly 5000; and especially, as they are
accessible TO the public in the annual VOL
umes since the publication of ''SWan &
Oritchfeld's Revised Statutes" ~ i
The Columbts Salesman claims support
for Mr.. PendletOn because his wife was the
daughter of the man who Wrote the ''Star
Spsngled Banner" Whereupon the Cleve-
land Herald maliciOusly retorts: "If Mr..
Pendleton's husband had done more to up
hold the Star SpaDgled Banner, against its
rebel foes it wOulo have been more to the
purpose"
The White Pine daily newspaper prOpri-
etOrs-with the exception of those of the In
land EDaPire-have come 10 the conclusion
that it is just as conYenient, and less expen-
sive, to publish daily paper once or twice
a week, and therefore have subsidized gently
down to that figure.
Bulwer says that poverty is only an idea,
in nine cases out Of ten. Some men with
the thousand dollars year suffer more for
want Of means than others with three hun
dred. The reason is, the richer man has
artificial wants. His income is ten thousand
and he suffers enough for being dunued for
unpaid debts to kill a sensitive man. A
man who earns a dollar day and does not
run in debt, is the happier Of the two.
Very few people who have never been rich
will believe this; but it is true. There are
thousands and thousands with princely in
comes who never know a moment g peace,
because they live above their means.
There is really more happiness in the world
among the working people than among those
who are called rich.
When you meet with neglect, let it arouse
you to exertions; instead of mOrtifying
your pride, set about lesseniDg those defects
which expose you to neglect, and improve
those excellencies which command attention
and respect.
Mark Twain, lecturing on the Sandwich
Islands, offered to show how the Cannibsls
eat their food if some lady would lend him
q baby. The lecture was not illustrated.
Everything has its use, said philoso-
phical professor to his class. "Of what use
is drunkard's fiery noseY" asked one of
his pupils. TT is lighthouse, answered
the professor, ito warn Us of the little water
that passes underneath it, and reminds Us
of the shoals of appetite on which We might
otherwise be wrecked"
A man standing in a crowd felt the pres
sure of two femme feet upon his patent
feathers. At first the sensation was delight
ful; but soon the pressure began to feel the
least bit uncomfortable. sMadam, :" he GENT
ly suggested, "yOu are standing on my feet. +"
'tYour feet, sirl" "Yes, madam, ''Good-
nessl beg your pardon, sir; 1 thought
was standing on block of wood they are
quite large sirl" "Quite; but you covered
EN-, madami"
DR.. StrOngsberg, sever years ago the rag
ged tenant of a London garrett is the railroad
king of Prussia; worth $4O,OOO,OOO.
Doctor Tying met an emigrant family
going Wect. In one of the wagons there
hung Jug with the bottom Knocked out.
What is that2" asked the doctor. Why it
is my Taylor Jug" said the man. "And
what is Tayor jug2' asked the doctor again.
Il had q son in General Taylor's army in
Mexico, and the General always told him TO
carry his whisky jug with hole in the bot
tom, that's it. 1t is the best invention I
ever met with for hard drinkers"
Loving wife at Long Branch: "The horrid
surf makes me keep my mouth shut" Sar-
castle husband: "Tske some of it home with
you"