The Montana post. [volume] (Virginia City, Montana Territory [i.e. Mont.]) 1864-1869, 1869-04-23
BORN.

To the Gazene on the Goth inst an hermaphrodire
Since the days when our remote pa
rents had to "cut stick" from Eden. for
raising Cain, duplication has been one
of the sinful and luxurious tortures sub>
mitted TO by the dutiful for the gratifi-
cation of ordinary and grand Mammas.
who feel their veins filed with a new
complacency, revolve their thumbs with
fresh energy, and come down to tea
with an extra rutfle in their caps after
\ the auspicious event. In view OF this
the Gazette on Sunday. which had been
awaiting the coming of its lord, con-
ceived and brought forth, that the heart
of Our Delegate" might be made glad
on his return. and the innumerable vials
OF soothing syrup, teething rings and
small clothes, etc, in the traditional
Carpet Bag, might not be wasted. But,
alas! it was of the wrong persuasion,
and neglected by its parents, crawled
around, butted its head against PosT
was laid out cold. and buried clandes~
timely in the Chinese graveyard, with a
Eastwood monument, over il inscribed
with the initials of it's parents Nc.
The Lament was crooned over the ey-
piring embers of Hope, the eyes of the
faithful took water in theirs, and TIE
lachrynal effusion went sizzling down
their olfactories like cold water on a hoL
stove. But Maginnis thought himself
equal to the occasion. He had quietly
retired from the scene, locked himself
up like hermit. wrapped his feet with
La Crosse Democrats and his head with
CducdsldHS, took the oath of allegiance
backwards, recited his favorite grafton,
put a Mormon Bible under his pillow,
grasped a grasshopper IN each hand,
invoked the prolific deities, and awaited
coming events. They come. He was
carried to the Gazette office at late
hour Oh Monday evening; the Demo-
cratic obstetricians were summoned and
to produce a happy effect Our Dele
gate" was stationed where he could
twirl the abortive Helena Post Office
commission before his eyes, Wilkinson
blowed mighty strains of Dixie on a
penny whistle, the devil tickled his
toes with the securing brush" and
1t was all over in an hour. The "fa~
vored few" came out from the presence
with crestfallen countenances and tried
to stink off unobserved, but the eager
and expectant friends of the family
were inexorable in the demands of,
Can il be a Delegate?' Has it sprung
from the loins of an lrishmanl" "Is ii
one of thin haythin radicals?' "ls il
like its fatherr "Bedad yes don't pre-
tind to say its pramatoor Maginnis,
would niver do that?"
1t was not until the question was
pressed" that "Jeems" admitted CON-
fidentially il was "betwixt and be
tween" and the less said about it the
better. He refuses to stand godfather,
and Wilkinson says baptiZing il with
"apple Jack" would be an insult to the
Confederacy We understand the Nj |
obian Momus of the Gazette is in deep
distress with a second hand mourning |
suit and has offered to make another |
attempt, but has been dissuaded by the |
Chairman of the Democratic Committee. |
Under these circumstances, the "Sor-
rowing Brotherhood" is not disposed TO
prod the projeny of the unfortunate |
young person, and makes this brief |
mention of the facts. with all the sur
plus tears OF coincidence in the Lodge |
subject to a sight draft from Maginnis. !