davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-08-27
WISCONSIN HOUSE.

TTIGHLAND, WISCONSIN. 1 have now fur
I'll nished this hotel in good style, and shall en-
deavor to make it frst-class house. The best at
tention given to horses plenty of good stable room
buggy and wagon sheds, &c. have always on hand
q good stock Of pure Wines and Liquors.
July q 1S69-42m6 JOHN SAAR.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-08-27
BARBER SHOP
Holm RITCKINGuAM

~ JOHN BUCKINGHAM,
Barber. Shop at his old stand on Iowa-st. Shaw
ing Shampooning, Hair Cutting, &c, done in the
latest style. Particular attention given to the cut
ting of ladies' and chdren's hair Razors sharpened
and put in order short notice Keeps also on hand
u fine ssortment of CONFECTIONERY. Thankful
for past favors from generous public respectfully
solicit a continuance of its patronage. am also
r. 4, - IIoxvro &C., ~ nT h,
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-08-27

az The County Board of Supervisors
meets on Monday next, August 3Oth.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-08-27

KENS-WASHBURN-Att the residence of Mr. j.
c. Cover, Lancaster, Grant Co., ON Thursday, Aug.
H. 1869, by Rev. S. w. Eaton, Capt W. w .LIKENs
Of Mineral Point, and Safe NJ. WAsHBuRN of Ian
caster
ROSS-MoMULLIN.-0n Monday the 23d, by Rev
Father McGann, Mr.. GEO. Ross to Rosa McMULLIN
All of Mineral Point ..,
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-08-27
H O H N
Nj A II II i f ID +.

HAGMANN.-In the town of Arena, on Friday. Aus
Goth, the wife.of John Hagmann, of daughter.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-08-27
TARM FOR SALE.-THE UNDER

ltas" fOis OALE.-lH Hi CNDER-
m sigued wishes to sell his farm sitnated in the
- town OF Ridgeway, about one-fourth of n mile
south of Clark ickox old farm 1t consists Of I60
acres under cntivation a bou; Is acres of meadoys
balance good timber Plenty of water house stables
&C. but no very costly improvements For fnrfber
particulars apply on the premises of the owner.
THOMAS THOMPSON.
Ridgeway, July: 23d, lseo.-ni5ml-iss
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-08-27

Compiled from the records in the Office of the Register
of Deeds.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-08-27

CHURCH DIRECTORY. RE- ular services are held
" every Sabbath at the churches in this village as
follows:
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

A man in Tennessee lately bought bottle of
cherry brandy, and after using it threw the
cherry pits in the yard, when the chickens
slowed them away in their craws. His wife
going out soon after, saw the chickens lying
around the yard apparently dead, and told an
old negro woman that she might pick the feath-
ers off them for her bed, which she Immediately
did. The surprise of the lady may be imagined
when, the next morning at early dawn, she
heard the old chanticleer delivering his usual
%STGng nUmgg S5 a SS hea SH 6 tUTs
on looking out, to see every hen and rooster
young and old, marching around cycling eact
other with suspicion, many of them entirely
naked, while only few had wings and tai
feathers. The cherry pits had made them deaC
drunk.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

CONUNDRUMs.-Here in Utah, where the So
cial relations are established upoa the barn
yard principles of matrimony, we have relation
ships, both of affinity and consanguinity, that
are not laid down by Blackstone, nor any other
author; we therefore ask few questions upon
the subject and respectfully ask answers from
our eastern friends.
lst. If a man marries two sisters at one
wedding and has children by both of them,
what relation are the children to each other ?
Also, in such case, is not their mother also
their aunt and if so, could they not be said to
be born without mother, being the offspring
of their aunts?
End. If a man marries two of his own nieceS
| (sisters) at one time, and has children by both
of them, what relation are these children tt
each other, and also, what is the blood relation
they bear to their father and mother respect
lively?
3rd. IF a man marries his sons widow, VIII
is a daughter Thy former husband) of one o
his own wives, and has children by both O
them, and then dies-and if then one of hi
own sons by some other wife, marries bot
these widows and has children by both o
them, what relation are all these chickens t
each other, one and all, severally and wha:
J the combined relationship both of affinity an
consanguinity Of these children, and their par
ents, uncles, aunts, and grandmothers respect
lively?
Before entering the solution of these ques
tiOns, it might be well for the student to frs
figure up the cOnsanguinity existing betwee
the speckled pullet and the red rooster. Uta
Reporter.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

ONE WAY TO CLEAR HoUsE-A man who
has Just fallen heir to an estate in New York
city found his good fortune aloyed by the fact
that large building of his new property was
occupied by tenants who, taking advantage of
the estate being involved in law suits, have
paid no rent for over year. They were nat
urally 10th to leave. But the new proprietor
license as a timer and set a dozen men to work
hammerng ten hours day on tin and sheet
iron in one of the rooms of his building Af-
ter some experience of this racket, most of the
tenants have surrendered and moved away
one has tried in vain to get the assistance Of
the police to stop the noise and few obsti
nate ones are trying to stick it out.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

The SPHYNX. Mark Twain, in his New
Pilgrim Progress" makes the following beau
titul reflections on the Egyptian Sphynx:
After years of waiting it was before me at
last. The great face was so sad, so earnest,
SO longing, SO patient. There was dignity
not of ear tn in it's mien, and in its counte
nance benignity such as never anything hu
man Wore. 1t was stone, but it seemed SEN
tient. If ever image of stone thought, it was
thinking. 1t was looking at the verge of the
landscape, yet looking at nOthing-nothing but
distance and vacancy. 1t was looking over
and beyond every thing of the present, and
tar into the past 1t was gazing out over the
ocean of Time--over lines of century waves
which, further and further receding, closed
nearer and nearer together, and blended at
last into one unbroken tide, away toward the
horizon OF remote antiquity. 1t was thinking
of the wars of departed ages of the empires
it had seen created and destroyed of the ma
tiOns whose birth it had witnessed, whose pro-
gress it had watched, whose annihilation it
had noted; of the joy and sorrow, the life and
death, the grandeur and decay, of five thous-
| and slow revolving years. 1t was the type of
an attribute to man-Of faculty of his heart
and brain. 1t was MEMoRY-RETRosPECr
wrought into visible, tangible form. All
who know what patAos there is in memories OF
days that are accomplished and faces that have
vanished-albeit only trihing score of years
gone by-will have some appreciation of the
pathos that dwells in these grave eyes that
look SO steadily back upon the things they
knew before History was born, before tradi
ton had being-things that were, and forms
that moved, in a vague era which even Poetry
aud Romance scarce knew of-and passed one
by one away, and left the stony dreamer sota
ry in the midst of a strange new age, and un
comprehended scene.
The Sphynx is grand in its loneliness; it i
imposing in its magnitude; it is impressive il
the mystery that hangs over its story An
there is that in the overshadowing majesty q
this eternal figure of stone, with its accusin
memory of the deeds of all ages, which reveal
to one something of what he shall feel whe
he shall stand at last in the awful presence
God,
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

JOSH BILLINGS, in answering correspond
ent, says Biscuit. In reply to yure ques-
tions, would hurriedly state that the toad is
domestic animal, or can be made so, by coax
ing him into barrel and shutting up the bung-
hole They stand in the same relation to
frog that Dutchman duz to Yankee. They
amt SO sudden gated az frog. They lead
very retired and pensive life during the day.
behind stun walls but when twilight begins to
dress for the night, then the toad and toadesses
begin to reconnoitre round. If toads kan live
upon what they eat, they would be just the
things to stock a boarding school with, for a
couple of flies is all the meat they want for a
fortnit
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

A couple ran off to get married, and came
back to the brides house, where she humby
sued for the forgiveness of her father, kneel-
ing at his feet all tears. Forgive me, forgive
me, dearest father" sobbed the lovely ,suppi-
ant "Forgire you 7" exclaimed the old gen;
tleman why, am only too glad to get rid
of you! Your ill,temper and idleness have
been the plague of my life, and make your
marriage no loss to me, my dear child So,
take her" added the old gentleman, generous
ly addressing the happy man, and may you
be happy"
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

A young enthusiast was talking to his inten-
ded a few evenings since, urging upon her
speedy marriage, and start to spend the
honeymoon in California. Il tell you," said
he, his face glowing with enthusiasm, !" Cali
fornia is the paradise of this earth. There 8
no use talking"
{" No use tdlEingr exclaimed the LADY, with
a look of some surprise.
" No use talking!" he repeated.
"Well, if there no use talking" said the
lady. "what in the name of sense do you want
women there for? l don't go?'
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13
NEW SERTES---vOLUME XV.---NO. 10.

In the violent manifestations, the convulsive
phenomena Of the camp meeting which were
once so common, but which are common no
longer, there may have been much to repel the
man of taste and cultivation; but if we regard
only the increased morality which must have
followed DR.. Cartwright's preaching, and the
sounder schemes of life to which he must have
directed many errant natures, we feel that he
is entitled to every honor which has dignifed
his old age.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

Babies are the coupons attached to the bonds
of matrimony. The interest is due at random.
Cuba-"The land of the flea and the home
of the slave"
Current literature-Books in the running
brooks.
Galloping consumption-Eating at a railroad
station.
Pillars of the onstitution-Quack doctors.
Not a miss-A rich, handsome widow.
Hub -bub-A Boston boy.
! Sheet understanding.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

GEN. GRANT A TEMPERANCE Mantle
National Temperance Advocate remarks: " 1t
the New President s course during one of his
late visits to New York is any fair indication
of his regular practice, he may be set down as
a thorough teetoteLer. At dinner given to
Hon. Mr.. Evarts, at the Astor House, Genl
Grant refused to take wine when the toasts
were drank. He also declined to take wine
with his host when dining with a leading mer
chant. Mr.. Bonner says that during his fast
drives with the General, they stopped to
warm at a fashionable hotel. Several gen.
tlemen coveted the honor of a little suthin'
to drink with the President elect; but they
were politely refused, Vice President Colfax
is one of the officers of the National Temper
ance Society No patriot will have reason to
blush on the next Inauguration day for bis
country or its chief rulers, We are, informed
on good authority that Geueral Grant is q
member of the Howard Division, Sons OF
Temperance, of Washington, and has been fol-
year past consistent temperance man.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

A Sunday school teacher was giving lesson
on Ruth. She wanted to bring out the kind
ness of Boaz in commanding the reapers to
drop larger handfuls Of wheat. Now child
renln she said "Boaz did another nice thing
for Ruth: can you tell me what it was 2"
6 Married her." said one of the boys.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

One of the conductors on the Sixth avenue
cars in New York is millionaire, whose drafts
for tens Of thousands Of dollars would be hon
ored by any bank in the city. The San says
of him: Eight months ago this young man
started from the Halls of the Montezumas'
for trip around the world. He took $4,000
in sterling exchange. This amount was sup
piled by a generous father, with instructions
to draw for all sums required after that was
exhausted The father is an Englishman, a
manufacturer of twenty-seven years residence
in the city and valley of Mexico, where he has
accumulated several millions of property. His
family consists of wife, this son and daugh-
ter. The son came to New York, and his mo-
ney vanished as other large amounts have pass
ed from other hands The rounds of Gotham
coaches and varied pleasure, Que constant whir
of excitement, soon left our hero without mo
ney with which to continue his contemplated
swing around the worlds circle. Ashamed t
| draw for additional funds so soon after leavinl
| home, he sought employment and obtained it
An elegant wardrobe is hung away, while will
coarser garments he pursues his conductor lifi
on a street car: At reasonable time from hi
arrival and after he reaches London The is saw
ing his money for that purpose) he says tha
he will draw upon his father. He does hi
work cheerfully; says he has learned a worl
of lessons, taken thousands OF insults throw
a dozen wretches from his car during the las
four months, and all in all does not regret hi
experience of Car life in New York.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

We see it stated that il now takes two hours
to marry pair rituals tically. Never hav;,
ing been married in that gorgeous wav, and
never having seen any couple Joined by such
tremendous and elongated ceremony, we can
not vouch for the accuracy of the statement;
but we do sincerely hope that this elaborate
style of making two into one will never be in
troduced into Chicago; tor, if it should be, it
is our decided opinion that two out of three
couples would be divorced before they were
fairly married. tribune.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

WILD OATs-A crop that is generally sown
between eighteen and twenty-five. The har-
vest sets in about ten years after, and is COM
monty found to consist of broken constitu-
ton, two weak legs, bad cough, and a large
trunk filled with vials and patent medicines
We can hardly say that the yield pays tor the
time and labor expended in the cultivation.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13
POetV.
l. o g L Z.

The mo0n comes out and glimmers.
The stars like diamonds CLEAN.
And long green boughs are waving
Ger pleasant mountain stream.
And my thoughts travel backward
Into the long dead years,
And your face comes before me,
Seen through a mist of tears.
We Wemet-we loved-we parted.
The story ever new;
We lived-we hoped-we waited,
And so the long years grew.
A vast sea rolls between us,
A gulf that time has made,
New habits grow upon us,
Old beauties faint and fade.
Take one last look behind you,
Into the vale OF years.
Does my face come before you,
Seen through mist of tearsf
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

Slender Party (,oho as cro,odcH, "These
street cars ought to charge by weight.
Stout Party (shaqply). 'Ah, if they did
they would never stop to pick you up.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

One hundred thousand bushels of peaches
in Salt Lake valley are rottening upon the
ground this season.. Thousands of bushels are
dried. but none as yet are canned.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

A coffin made for Georgia negro did mt fit.
The defect was remedied by knocking out the
end and allowing his feet to stick out.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

A little Buffalo girl wants to know if feas
are white-because her uncle told her that
I" Mary had little lamb with feas as white as
snow."
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

Vallejo, California, has society of young
ladies pledged not to kiss any young man who
uses tobacco. All others are to be kissed free
ly. Who is ready to go west?
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

A Connecticut gentleman complains that he
did Mt know he was divorced until his wife had
married another man, and dosen't consider that
o fair chance.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

Sentimental Youth. my dear Maria, will
you share my lot for life p
Practical Girl, ';How many acres in your
lot. SirY'
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

Why was Pharaoh's daughter like hrokerf 7
Because she got little prophet from the
rushes on the bank.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS s.-The following
reply to a life insurance circular, requesting n-
formation as to the health and habits of an
applicant, was received at prominent life in
surance office in Hartford:
How long have you known -?
Since two years after | was born.
2.-What are his general habits?
In winter red flannel shirts and blue beaver;
in summer, a straw hat canted to one side, and
nankeen trousers very loose in the legs.
3.-Whst is his profession?
COngregatiOnalist.
Alas he ever had fever and ague?
Had fever last summer, when the ther-
mometer was at ninety; but it was no great
shakes.
5.-Has he ever had the heart disease?
Yes, but was cured of it by Rev. DR.. Hawks
| years ago.
6.-What state was he in when you saw him
last?
The State of Michigan.
| HAS his application ever been rejected?
Yes, once, promptly, by lady.
| S.-What age do you consider him
Old enough to know more than he does.
9.-Does he smoke or chew?
When he chooses.
IO.-Has he children?
Yes, two nephews.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

They have a Mr.. Cox in Minnesota, who
keeps up the glory of the name which has been
rendered so illustrious by the celebrated Sun
set" The Mr. Cox of Minnesota recently ad-
dressed the Democratic State Convention with
tremor in his voice, tears in his eyes, and
tribulation in his heart. For long rAne,'
said he, ''we have been fighting the nigger,
and we have got whipped. We have had mig.
The niger has been curse and am tired OF
him. He has filed our belly full and taken
our legs off-shortr" Poor, prosecuted Mr..
Cox. Notwithstanding this able speech, how
ever, the resolution denouncing the Fifteenth
Amendment was badly defeated in this same
Democratic Convention.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13

A Superior corn. .extractor-the crow.
Smyrna times., 1869-10-13
WHOLE NO. 764

Upon Caleb Gushing a spinster pocteSs of
Newburyport once wrote an epigrammatic epl-
taph, as follows:
Lay aside, all yc dead
For in the next bed
RepOses the body OF Gushing
He has crowded his way
Through the world, they say,
And even though dead will be pushing.
Mr.. Gushing wrote the following rejoinder:
{" Here lies whose wit
Without wounding, could hit,
And green grows the grass that's above her;
Having sent every beau
To the regions below,
She has gone down herself for lover"
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-08-10
~ [7TrTfs1f1TTr -TrTT- ILL.,
a Little Live Child.

Mamma, what's zis on my APP on p T
100 Massey APP on make me ky; . 40
Naughty APP on, awful 'ticky-
Putin lasses in my eye
Go way, Bridget! Please don't wass me,
Did me nudder piece of tandy,
Den be DOR 'lttIe pre-suss,
Mamma, see zis naughty soo-string
40 Make poor Denny tumble down. APP
ssE les all boke-I want my Pap-pa
sSBU Buy me nudder, way downtov AsA
Mamma, see zis funny tubl
Denny hit it wiz his hammar:
Dess its boke. Don't zip me, Mamma,T
"a , j If oosdo. tell my Dammar 4 1 y . .
Mamma, why don't kitty boiler?
ss4v1w.I can't squeeze her any more; .kE0 (
S'-~ More squeeze her, more she tumbles
Dood for nottina on er floor
OeC What 90 skeem for Don't ky, Mammal
Denny isn't naughty tall;
Denny loves e kitty awful
All Wrap poor kitty in cor sawl. 81
Mamma dess / dettin' Sleepy;
Don't make Denny take nap,
Tell me pooty tory, Mamma
Take poor Denny on COR lap. ~ ~ (
s-r-- Poorly Mamma, b. essed Manning T.b +
want dink out Donny's mug p
t-a-- O dat buttn hurt me drefful!-I Tas5 !.
s.7s v~a OATS yight, Mamma--dim me hug i
lbaA What is the reason-can you guess q
Why men are poor and women thinner?
So much do they for dinner Dress
That nothing's left to- dress for dinner.
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-08-10
yPITLEK & UTLEY,
Implements. Machinery

Agricultural implements, Machinery
90 FARMING AND GARDEN TOOLS
ARDWARE,,r WOODENWARE,, FER1YL-
- ~ IZERS. FIELD SEEDS, &c.,
are now receiving and opening large and well
selected assortment OF Goods at their warehouse,
=. Near Rail Road Depot, Stanton, Va.
Reapers and Mowers, Threshing Machines,
Hay, Straw and Fodder Cutters, Corn 4.
sI Shelters, Hay and Grain Rakes, Hay
Forks, Cider Mills, Drills, Corn
Planters, Cultivators, Plows
and7HarrOws Farm Bells, y
Grindstones, &c.
Their large and we'll selected stock of Hardware
is new and direct from manufacturers and i'm
porters, which they are offering at prices which
cannot fail to please, EN- braces, in part. r.
Nails, Horse Shoes Shoves and Spades, Grain
Scoops, Hoes, Mattocks and Picks, Forks, Car
den Rakes, Locks, Bolts, and Hinges, and Build
ing Material of every description, Carpenter
Tools, &C., &c. ~ 3.
Also a fine assortment of CUTLERY, such as
knives and forks, pocket knives, pruning and
budding knives. a - 9,
They also have cooking stoves, and a fine as
sortment of iron and STEEL u
They have woodenware of every description,
such as buckets, tubs, water kegs, field cans,
churns, &c 1919 1 !.
The public are invited to give them call, and
see their goods, as they are guaranteed in every
respect, and are offered at very low prices as
they were bought for cash and can be sold low.
They are determined to build up a trade and all
who are in want of goods in their unexpectedly
parties who are building, cannot do better in the
State than to buy of
rs ti ~ SPITLER & UTLEY,
Near X. Il. Depot, Staunton, Va
Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-08-10
A Dull Clerk.

Pikernel, successful dry goods merchant of
Boston, was waited On at his hotel by gentle
man-farmer who informed him that he was de-
srous of getting boy, for whom he was guar
dian, place in Boston-that he was an un-
common smart boy, quick at figures, of great
intuition. and one every way fit, as he should
ledge" to become merchant Pikerne
make place for him. In due time the boy
arrived at Pikernels store, his broad face rud-
dy with health and soapy from the morning
wash, his hair scked, his clothes new and IN
comfortable, and a stiff dicky cutting his ears
He announced himself as the boy, &c.
"Ah, you are the boy, are you?" said Pix
ernel. +
Eyes, 'spose SO, replied youngster.
swell, come in here, then am very busy,
but will examine you in few practical ques
tons"
The boy came in, and, sitting down on the
desk, swung his heels underneath it as though
he felt entirely at home, waiting the questions
"Well, said PIkerne suppose lady
should come in here and buy dress of fifteen
and half yards of calico for eleven and half
cents yard, what would it come top
The boy looked at his questioner, at the cell
ing, at the floor, in state Of great bewilder-
ment.
How much calkee?" he asked.
Fifteen and a half yards.
''What price?''
ELEVEN and half cents"
He thought moment. "Well,' said he.
Il m darned if [ b ieve eny woman ever want.
ed so much cloth for dress as that -
This was throwing up the sponge, and Pix
ernel put another question: 1'~.-.-t
How much would FIVE and half pounds of
tea come to at seventy five cents and three quar-
tiers per pound Pr 20 7eE.d
He received this pretty much the same as the
other, and after waiting minute. he asked
WAS it green or black tea p
Without answering, Pikerne put another
question: ---
- !'.Suppose should send you out with two
dollar bill, and you should buy fourteen and a
half pounds Of beef at seven and half cents
per pound, how much money would you have
The boy looked at him for an instant. and
then INDUCED in a low whistle srq .5eo'8
6 You don't spose," said he you could get
beef anywhere at seven cents and half a Id,
do ye?' s
Pikernel gave it up at this. He asked no
more questions, but sent him back next day
with letter stating that he didn't think he
would dasi1er. % Csyigt