The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-06-25
dIrif an& Dntttnr

aI1it an6 Dntttnt.
- Advice to toper.-Don't let
your spirits go down.
The most difficult ascent. Get
ting up subscription.
= What time do debtors dislike?
The time of falling due.
- What sort OF ladies resemble |
Pocahontas? Polka-hunters.
Which requires the most courage,
to fend off or offend a man.
Female carbohydrates ruff
fles.
"A Table of lnterest-The dinner
table.
The vessel no woman objects to
embark OLA court-ship.
Which has the most legs, horse
or no horse No horse, because no
horse has five.
- Somebody says the Mississippi
has raised one foot. When it raises
the other it will probably run.
An old bachelor is a traveller on
life's railroad who has entirely failed
to make the proper connections.
How do you know Lord Byron
was good-tempered? Because he al
ways kept his choler COLLAR down.
-"Corn bread?" said an Irish wal
ter; tive havn't got it; an isn't it corn
bafe We mane?"
Beauty in woman is like the
flowers in spring, but virtue is like the
stars of heaven.
a surprised wedding is when
man marries woman he doesn't know,
and wishes he had never known.
"A husband can readily foot the
bills of a wife who is not afraid of be-
ing seen footing stockings OF her hus-
band.
Trust him little who praises all
him less who censures all; and him
least who is Indifferent about all.
"A man is apt to think that his
personal freedom INVOLVES the right to
make his fellow-men do just as he
pleases.
- It's an i'll wind that blows no.
body any good, as the glazier said
when gust shattered his neighbours
glass door.
What inanimate objects show a
dislike to solitude? Velocipedes; be-
cause they'll never travel without
somebody.
What is the difference between
church organist and the influenza.
One stops the nose, and the other
knows the stops.
"Why don't you ask your sweet
heart to marry your" 81 have asked
her." "What did she say?" "Oh, I've
the refusal of her."
"A clergyman who had been ac-
cused of preaching long sermons, excus-
ed himselfo on the ground that the church
was large one.
sThe Dearest spot on Earth is
Home," the song believed. MIR. Peg
get says it it's true-eosts him twice as
much as any other spot.
-.Bones, you have travelled a
great deal, were you ever in Greece z"
mo, Snow; but tell into thunder
In big tub OBJ soap once"
A Washington paper describes a
beautiful young lady as having face
q painter might dwell upon. That
would be a delightful residence.
TIE other day a man applied at
q railway station to know when the lat
est train left. 81 don't mean," said he,
"the very latest, but the one after !"
A debating society had under
consideration the question, ais it wrong
to cheat lawyer?" The decision ar
rived at was, mo, but impossible"
"A medical student says he has
never been able to discover the bone
of contention, and desires to know
whether it is not situated very neal
the jaw-bone.
An enraptured writer inquiries
~What is there under heLven more an
gelizing, than q fine black eye In q
lovely woman?" Why, soft, loving
blue eye is the only answer.
Three bachelors in an Iowa town
played a novel game of cards the Other
day. The loser was to marry during
the year or support the other two bach
elors the following year.
At one of our common school!
the teacher, in catechising his scholars
put the following question: "What
was made to give light to the world p
Matches - cried one ofthe youngsters
after short pause.
"Good morning, Mr.. Pecksnif,, ,
said printer in search of female CON-
positors. "Have you any daughters
who would make good type-setters?'
mo; but L have wife who would
make very fine devil"
- "Gentlemen,' said a candidate
In the far West, after giving his senti.
ments on the "Constitution. the
Monroe Doctrine" and such like top.
ics-sgentiemen," and he put his hand
on the region of his heart, ''these are
my sentiments-the sentiments, ger.
tlemen of an honest man-aye, an hon
est politician; but gentlemen and fell
low-citizens, it they don't suit you they
can be altered! !"
An absent-minded ba oh e ol
friend of ours is ia the habit, when hi
goes to his room in the evening, of put
ting his teakettle on the stove, ant
himself lying down on the lounge and
taking snooze until the teakettle be-
gins to sing, then he gets up and makes
his tea. The other evening, being a
little Frustrated on account of-'s
daughter s'cutting" him in the street
he put the kettle on the lounge and
got upon the stove himself, and never
discovered his mistake until he began
to sing.
"I'm lonely tonight, love, without
thee" &c.