Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-04-13
Miscellaneous Items.


The best substitute for silver-Gold.
The child of the sea-The harbor buoy.
Burning words-A dictionary in flames.
Where to find milkmen-at the water
ing-places. -ca t+
The vessel that no woman objects to en-
bark ina court-ship.
The noblest Sight on earth is a man
talking reason and his wife listening to
him. . ,.-e4...
Some people, like the hands of watch,
are round about all the time.
You cannot dream yourself into a char
acter; you must hammer and forge your
self into one.
Ifyou want to get more than one hun
dred cents for dollar, invest in a bottle
of pertumery.
Why should people marry in winter?
Because ladies want muffs, and gentlemen
comforters.
When did Moses sleep with five in bed7
When he slept with his forefatkers.
The poorest use man can put time and
talents to, is to waste them in chasing
lie to see who told it.
The audience which hung on the periods
of the eloquent speaker, were taken down
in time to save their lives.
An experienced old gentleman says that
all that is required for the enjoyment of
love or sausages is confidence.
There was a man so intensely polite that
as he passed hen on her nest, he said:
"don't rise ma'am."
Which has the most legs, horse or no
horse? Answer: No horse. A horse has
four legs, but no horse has five.
Josh Billings says he will never patron
ize lottery so long as he can hire anybody
else to rob him at reasonable wages.
1t is said that when Russian husband
neglects to beat his wife for month or
two, she begins to get alarmed at his indif-
ference.
Men are frequently like tea-the real
strength and goodness is not properly
drawn out of them until they have been a
short time in hot water.
In the spruce regions of Maine the girls
are given to chewing gum. A man mat
| rimOnially inclined can go and take his
choUess from the young ladies down there.
Any business is more respectable than
what is termed loafng. A young man
had better sell claims by the pailful than
hang around public resorts, numbering
time and his own reputation.
The following sentiment is attributed to
/ Napoleon Bonaparte: ga handsome wO-
man pleases the eye, but a good woman
/ pleases the heart. The one is jewell
the other is a treasure"
! Dudley Randall, who makes "Hash" for
| the Aurora Beacon and spices it well, is
guilty of the following: As Colfax had
Nellie Wade, why didn't he have her un-
Gle weighed, also? Because he's Ben Wade.
Judge Bulstrode, of London, declares,
in a charge to the jury, that one playhouse
ruins more souls every year than fifty
churches save" Was that eminent jurist
ignorant of the theatre-goers and players?
| When Edward Beecher was writing the
Conflict of Ages" his father tried to dis
suade him from publishing it. ''1f God
has got into difficulty on account of sin"
said the old gentleman, 81 don't want any
! of my children to help Him out of it."
A queer genius being asked why he did
not attend the funeral of his wife, replied,
''That he could not leave his shop, and
that 1t was always better to attend to busi-
ness before pleasure"
! If you are a wise man, you will treat the
world as the moon treats it. Show it only
one side ofyOurself, seldom show yourself
too much at time and let what you show
be calm, cool, and polished But look at
every side of the world.
A very little boy, after giving everybody
goodnight kiss, kneeled at his mothers
side to say his evening prayer. His moth
had that day been teaching him the piece
commencing, "You scarce expect one of
my age. ETC.. and it appears that those
verses were running through his mind
He commenced the prayer as follows
"Now [ lay me down to sleep, | pray the
Lord my soul to keep; if should chance
to fall below Demosthenes or Cicero, don't
view me with a cricket's eye" Stop!
stopi" said his mother; "that isn't part
of the prayer" eyes, it is, mamma don't
view me with cricket's eye!'
John Chinaman in California is clear at
a bargain. His ideas of the "credit sys-
TEN" are extremely safe, though rather
vague. A merchant Of unbounded credit
in San Francisco recently applied to a
Chinese merchant, through his agent, to
purchase a cargo of rice on time. The
agent duly set forth the opulence, stand
ing, &C., of his principal, to which China
man replied: eyes, him welly good man.
Me trustee, him pay me one-half cash-ee,
other half when me deliber rice-ee."