The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-06-11
dHrif ans Dutt,ur .


Ntit ana Dnntur.
Regular swells-the buds.
= If you wish to be prased-Die.
-Fndess matches-Husbands ant
wives.
= The largest rope in the world
Europe.
Extracts that are never quoted
Drawn teeth.
Good words for the young-"din-
ner's ready"
Make yourself all honey, and the
1ies will eat you up.
A great eompositor-- Moro-
form.
- AS if lies were not plentiful, q
cloak-makcr advertises new lot OF
false-hoods.
boy, l want to go to Dover
street."
"Well, ma'am,'' said the boy, "why
don't you go there then?"
- 1t wasn't such a bad notion on
the part of a glover who hung up in
his shop p.acard of-"Teu thousand
udlluS NullCu lHllneuluICl1
Josh Billings divides the human
race into three classes: "Those who
think it is so, those who think it isn't
SO, and those who don't care whether
it is So or not"
Josh Billings says; 81 will
never bet any stamps on the man who
IL always telling what he would have
done if heEhad bin there. | have MOTTO
ell that kind ever git there"
- There e an old lady IN Lynch
burg. Va, who made pair of socks
last fifteen years. She merely knit
feet to them every winter and legs
every other winter.
Mark Twain says that the differ
ence between an American wilderness
and an African wilderness is, that in
one you are continually surrounded by
black bears, in the other by bare backs.
- "Heilo, boy, what are you doing?'
"Fishing,o came the answer.
SWELL of course, but what do you
catch ~
.'Fish, you fool, what do you sup
pose?"
--"If this should meet the eye of
John Smith, said an enraged man
doubling up his fist and shaking it as
he spoke, ".e will hear of something
to his disadvantage"
-. To gather crowd of people :
raise plank in the sidewalk and start
terrier after rat. 10 dispe Sc
them circulate II subscription paper |
for the benefit of a poor family.
Jeemes writing to his darling
dear Matte, piles on the agony thusly: |
- hn1n a IL \
that honey would blush in your pres
ence, and sorghum molasses stand APP
palled."
- Said one gentleman of honor to
another, elf you don't accept my
Challenge. shall post you in Ike pa
pers." "Go ahead" said the other, 81
had rather fila dozen papers than one
coffin"
a travelling lite insurance agent
applied to Il Texan to '1take out poll
cy, but the Texan replied "a fell
lOw's life is so confounded uncertain
in this community it Amt worth insur-
ing"
"How are you JOIN? I'm deu-
ced glad to see YOU" Very we'll,
fo 70 W. Tisn'G often we IN re -
''Thas's fact, John-and when we do
its meet and drink"
II expect" said young p',ysi-
clan, on his way to Jamacil, and hear
ing exaggerated rumors of the cholera,
''to witness great many death bed
scenes this SUMNER" .Doubtless,' re-
piled friend, "if you get much pract-
&C."
- Miss Jones. postmistress at Win
chester, Iowa, recently married Mr..
A Tired Smith. Mrs. Smith is not !
Known to the Department as postmis-
,rcss, Miss Jones has no longer legal .
existence, and things generally are
Iery much mixed. Smith is anxious
o know If ne has married in the post
'ffice, or has married the postoflice out
If the family. i
- An Iowa paper. in order to be
wen with contemporary who told Il
marvellous pm story, vouches for the !
ruth of a statement that lady in that
lllage, when quite child, accidental r
Y ran splinter in the thumb of her I
eft hand, and was astonished the other
ay by having Il saw-log ten feet long 7
nd tweEtv-threc inches in circumfer- =
zee jump from her heel, II
IA Breton peasant, on his way to st
'aris. stopped at a BARRIERS shop in =,
While the barber was Z
trapping his razor. the,peasant notice. T
! dog sitting near his chair and IN
airing at him fixedly. "What is the al
latter with that dog" said the peas SIX
Mt, THAT nc stares so at me ?" The r,
II Der answered with an unconcerned to
r: That dog is always there. You ed
e when 1 cut off a piece of an ear "i
Well what then?" swell, he eats it."
"a farmers son for long time had an an
zen ostensibly studying Latin in a or
opuar academy. The farmer not be-
g satisfied with the course of the la
Jung hopeful, recalled him from 81
hool and placing him by the side of a an
rt one day, thus addressed him rIy
"Now, Joseph, here is fork and itoott
ere IS heap Of manure and cart !; sh
hat do you call them IN Latin? 2" ne
'Forkitus, cartlbus te manuribus," =
id Joseph.
swell, now" said the old man, "if
u do not take that forkibus pretty
ickibus, and pitch that manuribus
to that cartibus, will break yonr la
baekibus." ,u
Joseph went to workibus forthwith 81