The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1869-03-20
WIT AND WISDOM


Ax octogenarian says. 'I was born at
the wrong lime. When 1 was young man
young men we're n0 account. NOW / ma
old, find OLD men are no account.
OUTWARD politeness cannot De learned Ia
set forms a school forat best it will be hol-
low and deceptive genuine p0liteness, like
everything else genuine, comes from the
heart
AS exchange noticing the marriage of
Mr. ,1-rlea HogE t0 Mis- Ella Beane, says
pork and beans form q natural union but
thinks one bean to a single hog is "a small
allowance.
OEE person asked another IL be believed
in the temperance 5i spirits "Nl,' was
The reply, "5ut believe in their disappear
anee. ! nave missed y bottle 0t brandy
since last night
"PArA." !" said Dev0Bshire boy, "wbat
is punctuation 70 '.It Is the nrs Of putting
stops, my child" "Tbcn wish you'd 60
down in the cellar and plnctuato The cider
barrel, as thl cider ~ running All ever the
a10r."
"RealIy, Idly dear" s-l poor Mr. Jones
to bis s'better half," '-Hau havl sadly uis-
appointe1 me. once considered you a le, 81
el Of ii woman, bat VOC have turned 1ut on
ly biz Of matrimonial pasie.n "fhen, mg
love," was che rsply, 'con-1ia yourself with
tha idea that paste Is very adhesive, ani Will
stick to you AZ llnz as yol .ive."
How MUca nj MA Clerk in lrY-
goods store retired One might, having for his
6ed-leil1w an acquaintance dating back 10
school days. Our inf1mant slept ia the
nexS room adjoining, the door Of which was
partly Open. ia che middle 0t the ghs, lie
says he was awakened from sleep by hear
ing the clerk III " luui tue 0T voice, ez-
eIaIm
"HoW many yards dil YOU say you want
ed: marm Three yards enough ~
TIE next thing vas tearing noise, and
the bed fellow Of the clerk shouted out
"What are you doing you have torn my
shirt from bottom to top."
Ihe Fuor dreamer imagined himself in his
store, waiting On y ladY customer who want
cd three yards 1f calico Ihe shouts cf
merriAeut which the event created, can ven
be imagined.
THE Rockford Register gets oG this a. the
expense lf y. bull
There III laee On ILe elst sile w lLs
river, where, at almost Auy ume x Crl3i
greater lr smaller mav ae saan gazing into
a show window Na f1rJeur mentioning
any names t0r fear lbis article wih % t4ksn
Tor a paid "nuG - blJ RiI simply remark
that 1t vas n0 faT from "a certain shoe store.
aul WE want t0 chronicle "A htLs clnvprsl-
ti0n overheard thrre un Thursday ln4t. Tne
parties were w rtsrla anle lltAng Eng.i-h-
man and NI. family.
ii,ue uirl-"On mamma is thAt a 'enf'
Mtmma-''N0 ioy chai, that l. a howl "
father-sNo my wife aud daughter, that
Is ne sher zen, u0r "a hOwl, but it il q hes-
gie- tde hemtiem Ot tnis hiar-ted cluutrv Ni
On night Judge, A military officer, Anl
a minister ali Applied tlr 40l rinE at aR Inn
where rlrrc VIA hut one Spare had, and the
landlord wa- called upon tu decide winch
Y had the best claim 81 the three. ~ have
Z laia fifteen wears in tht garrison At ""
said tu- oh GER. 81 a4ve sat twenty years
4 + iudge a. b. said thc Judge "Nith
ypar leave gentlemen ! pava stood in XII
mmlatry taeI tv-Ave years at L.
tha miaiater. rtIhAt -aitlral As dlsF
~ai+ the laallord -Nlu ~ npntsi--
lain hitern year- you Ar. Judge, nave sas
twenty years while this old fellow has
been standing az for tLe last twenty Ave
years, 50 be has thl best right % tha bed"