The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1869-12-21
Josh Billings on school Master.

Thare ~ o0e man in this basement
world that | alwus look upon with mkt
phelings ofpity and respect.
But thare IL one man in this world to
whom l alwus take oph my hat and re-
main uncovered until he gifts safely by,
and that IL the distrikt schoolmaster.
When meet him, [ look upon him az
a martyr just returned from the stake, or
on his way there to be cooked.
He leads a more lonsum and single life
than an old maid,
He il remembered just about as long
and atfectonately az a glide board il by d
travelling pack-pedlar.
If he undertakes tew make hiz skollars
luv him, the chances are he will neglekt
their larning and if he do MT lick them
now and then pretty often, they will soon
lick him.
The distrikt schoolmaster haint got a
friend on the fat side Of earth. The
boys SNOWFALL him during the recess
the girls put water III his hair die; and
the skool-committee make him work for
half the money 4 bartender gifts, and
board him around the naborhood, where
they give him rye coffee, sweetened with
molasses, tew drink, and kodfsh bawls 3
times day for vittles.
And, with all this abuse, never heard
ov distrikt schoolmaster swearing emmy
thing louder than Condemn ii
Do MT talk to me about the pashunce
ov anshunt job. Job had pretty plenty
ov biles all over him, no doubt, but they
were all ov one breed.
Every yung one in skooldistrikt il a
bile ov different breed, and each one
needs a different kind ov poultss to gel
a good head on them,
A dstrikt schoomastor, who duz 8
square job and takes hiz kodfsh bawl!
revently, IL a better man to-day tew hay
licing around loose than Solomon woult
be arrayed in all ov his glory.
Solomon was better at writinfproyerb
and managing large family, then hi
would be to navigate distrikt skool
hous.
Emmy man who haz kept a distrik
school for ten years, and boarded arount
the naborhood, ought tcw be made
majer, ,gineral, and hav a penshun, for tn
rest ov hiz natral days, and hoss ant
waggin to do his going around in.
But az general consequence, a dis
trikt schoolmaster hain't got euny NOR
warm friends than an old blind fox houn
haz.
He IL iist about az welcome az ia
gatherer IT,
He IL respekted good deal az a ma
to whom we owe debt of 30 dollars I
and do Mt mean tew pay.
He goes through life on back road q
poor az a wood shed, and finally IL mis-
, ed. What ever bekums of hiz remain
= | kant tell.
Fortunately he IL not often a sensltiy
man if he waz, he could MT emmy MOI
keen distrikt skool then he could file
kross kut saw,
} Viii IL it that these men and wimmil
who pashuntly and with crazed brai
1 teach our remorseless brats the tejl
meaning ev the alphabet, who take Il
4 fust welding heat on their destineys, wi
! lay the stepping stones and enkurrae
= them tew mount upwards, who hav dr
I more hard and mean work than enr
: klass on the futstool, who have prayt
j over the reprobate, strengthened the tim
g restrained the outrageous, and hattert
a the imbecile, who have lived on kodfi
e and vile coffee, and hain't been heard
# sware-whi IL il that they are treat'
It like vagrant fiddler, danced to for
n night, oph in the morning and eager
s. forgottenY
had rather burn coal pit, or ke'
a the Ays out ov butchers shop in I
n month ov August, than NEEDLE with Il
d distrikt skool bizzniss.