Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-11-19
g}nulQfQns.

9lnnQrolls.
A Horticultural wag says that the language
Of towers is uttered by to-lips.
A RECENT invention that has been patent
ed is q head rest, attaeHable 70 pews and
csHea the snorer's companion.
"a PRUDENT man, says witty French
man, '-is Hse pin. His bead prevents him
from going too far"
Do you cali this trunk p growlcd de-
jected porter. 1T only needs lightning-rod
to be mistaken for boarding house.
LADY; Can you wash and iron? Domestic:
Oh yes, m; but your place wouldn't suit me
unless you knock Off wearing them long
Holland dresses Of a morning.
snREwD, but uuenHghtened school in
speetor away out West, used to say, on ex-
amining a candidate for the post of ateacber,
''We all know that a, b, c is vowels, but we
want to know why they is vowels."
JougNr is just beginning TO learn geogra-
ply. He says that the Poles live partly at
one end Of the globe aud partly at the other
He knows It $50 because It tSs,markedonthe
map.
UroN the reading Of the Declaration In
dependence at Ypsilant, Michigan, by a citi-
zen Of that place, gentleman from the rural
districts made this comment: ooh, he read
it well enough. but I don't believe he wrote
it.
'SIR, said a hypochondrscal patient,
while describing his symptoms to Abernethy,
81 feel q terrible pain in my side when put
M hand up to my head. "Then SIR ex
claimed the mild physician, why DO you put
your hand to your head?"
A YOUNG lady writing from Long Branch
says SIN the morning, my dear, we have a
delivery Of letters by the post. In the after
noon we have another delivery-the delivery
Of husbands, brothers, cousins, OF beloved
acquaintenances, as the case may be, by the
railroad. In this manner darling, we have a
mail delivery twice a day. 1t would i'll be.
come ME TO say which one I like best.
A PAaIs paper gives a conversation be-
tween father and his little daughter. "What
have you done with your doll?"
4 have put it away to keep for my chill
dren, when grow up.
"But if you shouldn't have any?'
''Ab, welI then it win do for my grand
children"
AN old Scotchman of Boston used to say:
SIN open TO conviction; bat I'd ike to see
the man that can convince me-. Old Minis
ter Wells, the predecessor of the Rev. DR..
Storrs, of Braintree, Mass, himself Scotch
man, used to say: "It behooyeth a Scotch
man 10 be right; for if he be wrong, be will
be forever and eternally wrong"
IY 1853 n. Theirs made a ten day journey
in England, and pledged himself to Louis
PHILIPPE to learn in that time all that was
worth knowing of the politics, commerce,
revenues, religion, arts, seiances, and social
economy Of this nation. While here he wrote
to a gentleman connected with the Treasury
the following note: Ny dear sir, would you
give me short quarter Of an hour, 10 ex.
plain to me the financial system Of your coun-
try Always yours T.
a CLERGYMAN, in the county Of Eurbam.
had 'aught an old man in his parish to read,
and had found him an apt pupil. After the
lessous were over, he had not. been able to
call at the cottage for some time, and when
he did he found only the wife at home.
''How's John?" He's canny. sir, said the
wife. How does ne get on with his read.
ing?" ''Ncely, sir" f.Ahf I suppose he II
read his Bible very comfortable, now" aBi,
bic, sir bless you, he was out Of the Bible
and into the newspaper long ago"
CogBE related an anecdote Of Sergeant Davy.
The Sergeant was no lawyer, but en- excel
lent aisi l2rius advocate, having great shrewd.
ness and promptitude. On one occasion
Lord Mansfield said ne should sit on Good
Friday, there being great press Of business.
IT vas said no barrisler would attend, aud in
fact no one did; the Chief Justice tried the
canses with the attorneys alone When the
proposal was made TO the bar, Sergeant Davy
said to Lord Mansfield, ''Tbere has been 70
precedent since the time Of Pontius Plate
( Crabb Robinson.
SAVED ms WHIFrIyG.-A little urchin sew
en-, or eight years old, in school where a
Miss Blodget; was teacher, composed the fol-
lowing, and wrote It on his slate at prayer
time, to The great amusement Of me boys
tsA little n7ouEe rap ~, 4ba etcfrs
To hear Miss Blodgett say her prayers.
The teacher discovered the rhyme, and called
out the culprit. For punishment she gave
him his choice, TO make another rhyme in
FIVE minutes, or be caned. So after thinking
and blinking, and scratching his head till his
time was nearly out, and the teacher was lift
ing the cane ina threatening manner, nj the
last moment be exclaimed -
Here | stand before Miss Blodgett:
She's going TO strike, and I'm going 10
dodge it.
Tne Laconia, N. H., Democrat says there
is a calf in Chinatown, otherwise all right
that has not the sign Of q tail. While group
Of persons we're looking at the calf, The other
day and wondering how he would manage
in fly time, they were joined by city bred
individual, graduate Of yarmouth College
The learned graduate. after listening TO the
comments, inquired how old the calf was,
and on being informed inuocently asked
'Da calves of that age usually have tails ?'
ICoAL