American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1869-07-03
A. Head On Marriage.


> barts as bets like l."
Marriage IS that congIomeration
Of the sexes as Is considered conStl-
tutional in all countries but it is
more particularly one of the United
States. When a man so far tOrgitS
hisself as to git marrid, he bids fare
well to the Declaration of Indepen-
dence and becomes at once an hon
OraIy member of the nights of the
garter, an order established by the
Crusaders i'll the q times that tried
mems soles." Marriage, grammati-
caliy Speakin', is a compound con-
| junction, and shows the relation be
tween man and woman. Accordin'
to arithmetick, | don't see how peO-
pie make out that marriage makes
two folks one, for if you take the
cypher COY woman and add her to the
unit 1) man, it makes 10, unless fig
gers lie, and tiggers won't lie in any
thing else unless it is marriage!
Different folks have different rea-
sens for maTryin'; some marry for
love, some for riches, some because
they want to, and some because they
can't help it! When a man falls in
loVe, he takes to readin' the New
York Ledger, and wearin' lavender
colored kids and patent leather boots
as pintches his toes, and putin
"new mown hay" onto his pocket
handkerchief. Then he forgits to
put sugar into his coffee and makes
big mistakes in his cash account
Then he takes to drinkin' Mrs. Wins
lows soothin' syrup and puttin'
SGuills on his hair an partin' the
same in the middle of the top of his
head. AS the time approaches for
him to be hitched to the adored OF
his buzzum, he feels as if eel was
crawling down his back and little
cupids with wings and without any
clothes on was singing the star
spanGled banner i'll the air all round
him. Then, like the prodigal sun,
he goes ON from bad to WIS, until he
gifts his name in the papers under
the proper hedin' and tells the world
he is united in paddock, and that
"no cards is played, and sends
some gingerbread and pop beer to
the editor, who wishes the happy
pear long life and many OF 'em.
Then comes the hgInny moon and
bride trip to Niaraga or Mammoth
Cave, or the Bridge of Size. After
this the hunny moon is all moonshine,
until Il still smaller voice announces
that there's q CANCEL in the house =.
as the poics say but it always seem
ed to me more like the Dickens i'll
the house when near 'em. After {
ia q cTTU crf- f =, ii,s which iars
| When Araminta and | got married
5 after cQurtship Of some seventecI
: winters, during which . she ncve
t0id her love, but like worm in th'
: mud, fed onto her damaged cheek,
. we had lots Of presents of tin ware
1 short close, Spoons, and other wear
5 inc apparel, out rather more spoon
: than anything else. 1t was spoon.
Y time. But the short close still lie
t i'll the bureau drawers a monumen
t lnent and mockery to bOyish dreams
: and disappointed ambiShun. AS tn
), Scorched poic Burns says:
! ;. .r,a r,;s .chsmss of mo- and mice
4 o,t tranra.1.,.,,
Y T4 o,, w.
hu' Alaihih'a iii ",!ss Iie t,a are nr'" ,t -;
a 20" tLG ven VI ms toSev.ei, So:
e 10. @ y, S'I hup'n h''ii 'l%I o tn % Iro,;d
it CONT ilcii -" . o'i,'ii n'ate g =" lA"t ~ :,
= a oNI," I,, ,i;o0-i ~ h '',t,' nn,n = tho sal
icy. none Is StCtU dItHOI 10 IIlt SOl