The central Presbyterian. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1856-1908, 1869-03-10
A QUEER OLD LADY.


a good picture of a popular old lady. Will
our young readers tell us what her name is?
How different people appear at different
times, as when we are sick or we'll, rejoicing
or mourning, laughing or weeping, A few
days since met an old lady, who nodded
very Familiarity to me, and yet hesitoted
to call her by name, lest should miscall it.
She looked old, and yet young, soft and
smiling, and yet wore stern frowns. She
was fair in face, yet her hands were iron.
1t seemed as if the wind would blow her
away, and yet she moved with the strength
of an elephant.
"Why, sir, said she, "you seem to stare
at me, though you have seen me thousand
times before.
"That may be, Madam; but never saw
you loaded down with all sorts of things. l
am curious to know about them. Would it
be rude to ask you few questions?"
"Not at all. Ask away"
"Well, what arc you going to do with
those small, thin ladies shoes p
"Why, make the ladies wear them, to be
sure"
"Not in this cold, wet season? Why, Il
can hardly keep my feet warm in these
thick, double SOled boots. Unjust have over
shoes. How can they wear such thin, cold
catching shoes?'
go, sir, 1 have only to bring them to
them, and the dear creatures put them on,
and never hesitate moment. They know
me-"
"And those little half dresses hanging on
your arm?"
'They are to put on little children in
cold weather, to walk out in,-naked at
the knees, naked at the neck, and hardly
covering half the body. You can't think
how eager parents arc for these dresses"
"What have you in that little tin bOx?'
"Lozenges, sir; troches, hoar-hound can
dy,-things that always go with thin shoes
and thin dresses. And this bright red box,
sir, contains what is called conscience salve
which always keep on hand to rub on the
conscience when any one sees he has done
wrong in obeying me. It's in great demand,
sir, and certain cure.
"What have you in that bundle, MADAME"
"This? Why few knick, knacks, which
l sometimes distribute in Sabbath Schools,
in the shape of dialogues, speeches-things
to mako people laugh, and to prevent the
schools from feeling too serious, or thinking
too much about religion, You must under
stand, sir, that 1 continually have to attend
church to regulate things thereto see that
the bonnets are right, the rings are bright,
and the dresses complete,-yet religion it
self 1 hate as poison! And here is a box
of the fnest-what shall call it? 1t is
a sort of wit and smartness which l deal out
to preachers, with which they spice their
sermons and become popular. sell them
by the gross. They are growing in demand,
and they are real saving of conscience and
headache. Warranted to keep in all eli
mates-a kind of sensation powder. .
spray, Madam, what are those screws for?'
"Why, to pinch the feet and make them
look small, without regard to corns and bun
ions. They can't wear those dear little
shoes except you have these pinchers to go
with them?
"And that great heap of books in your
arms?"
"Those? They arc the latest, most ex-
citing, and the weakest, most silly novels.
But hand them out, and shake my head
with smile, and crowds read them. -
"Well, Madam, l am very inqusitive, l
know, but l do want to know what you have
in that great bag thrown over your shoulder"
"a great variety of valuables,-such
things as slate suppers, in great demand,
and which send people to the grave early,
and thus make room for more. Here are
late hours, and late rising, and all man
ner of hair dressing, and expensive dressing
things that ladies must have, even if their
husbands fail. Here are diamond pins and
rings-just the things to stir up envy and
create extravaganza. Here are gold watch
es, cigars, meerschaum pipes, gold.headed
canes, eye glasses, and all manner of things
to suit all kinds of people. And laugh
and coax, and frown and command, till
yet them to wear and use them, and do just
what I please. Now, have stopped to talk
With you few moments; don't you see what |