Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1869-04-02
NO. IA.

on the ground, TO the merriment of lockers
on. Once more we mounted the breach, If
by these words a cast-iron pad may be called,
and undertook to propel the invention.
Just then gentleman struck his head with
extreme violence against the curb-stone.
More merriment. Another attempt--and
just then Il gentleman was discovered
sprawling upon the ground with his left
ear full of mud. More merriment-but
not on the part of the victim. Pretty soon
we got well under way, but with the aid OF
two mon to push and small boy to steer,
while we were getting use TO the contriv-
ance. But at such an hour as we knew not
of our assistants departed from us. We
made two lunges ahead, and while endeav-
oring to turn ont for young lady, cramped
the wrong way, collided, took her on the
invention in front of us, and we both went
off together, to the damage of ten dollar
hat and twenty three dollar Grecian bend.
The glory of that hat and that "bend" de-
parted with much quickness, never more
to return. As for the lady, we pray the
Lord topardon her for the feelings she en-
tertans towards MS, for really, we could not
help it!
Well, we tried it again. Undertook to
cross the street, and accidentally ran our
contrivance plump against the hind end of
a charcoal wagon. We got off, while the
industrious velocipede took a scoot TO the
left, landing in the gutter! Such nice
place to put your feetl Good deal like sit
ting on a grindstone, turning ii with your
toes. Aside from the delightful sensation
experienced, il strains the muscles, and is
more wearing upon garments. Riding
two-story Indian hog, just turned loose to
fat on beechnuts, would be sweet cream in
comparison with this invention. Sliding
down hill on hand-saw, tooth side up,
would be two degrees more comfortable
than experimenting with one Of these con-
trivances-but then it's fashionable! II
any of our readers have a suit of clothes
that they wish to spoil, seven or eight pairs
of legs they would lame for seven weeks,
high finished and moral back they don't
care for, fifteen or sixteen yards of court
plaster, dozen or more new hats, several
pairs of boots, and the Lord only knows
how many coat tails to spoil, let him buy
velocipede and commence at once. To pur-
NiuNC ohp Va tic cohlOulihth It4ulIts
but small fortune; say twice as much as
is necessary to purchase handcart, which
Is by far the most comfortable to ride on
while a few dollars extra would last about
four hours for insurance against accidents.
Go and try it. Buy one Rush around
with it. But first, employ physician by
the month to doctor you for all bruises,
contusions, sprains, rheumatism, COM
pound vulgar and improper fractions, and
every ailment under the sun, when you
may be happy yet We have tried tit is
nice. The next day the velocipede went
off as smoothly as usual, but as to its rider,
that's altogether another matter. We have
not been able to walk up and down stairs
without the aid of cane for a week. Have
hardly spoken good-natured word for
fortnight. Our best pants are at the tailors,
and not less than ninety-three bottles of
hniment stand Rrinning at from every
| room we occupy during the day. If there
| is some fellow you have spite Against,
| coax him to try a yelocipeoeE when, In ali
probability, he will bring an action against
you for willful intent to murder, or at least,
assault and battery, and make his action
stick.
Yours, on two wheels,
BRICK PoMERoY.