Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-12-24
glnlaoaons.
JTxeEDeEmARLE Yagabonds.
a Nar.sAck-A pillow.ease.

IKE aacuoneer motto-AR5 anu selI.
4 ruFxplY suit--A Quaker's dress.
Mo1To for chess players-Ac on the square.
LovEas, like armies, get along we'll enough
till engaged.
A LOG not always kept by sailors-The dee
alogue.
PalDz goeth before fall. 1t also goeth
before a waterfall.
a MAS in Frankford advertises for situa-
ton: 'sWork not SC much an object as good
wages
IT doesn't follow that man dislikes his
bed beeaase he turns bis back upon it.
tsNoSn but the brave deserve the fair, ~
and none but the brave can live with some Of
them.
If tbe Onondago giant we're to wake up
suddenly, what great African traveller would
heresemhle? Living
Iris generally believed that Cowper was a
Free Mason, as be wished to erect lodge
in some vast wilderness
A GENTLEMAN the othor evening, objected
to playing whist with lady because, he said,
she had such winning way about her.
i POPULAR French author writes in his last
novel. '.The countess fell back in deadly
swoon. When she revived her spirit had
fed
0zE man reprimanding another, said that
he talked like a tool. True, he replied
''bus tits that you may understand me-"
A SAUSAGE yender Of New. Orleans has pro
cured the arrest Of all the neighbor butchers
because they barked and mewed when Gus
toners came to buy Of him.
sap an astronomer to bright-eyed girl,
when talking ofrainbows: 'Did you ever see
a lunar bow, uiss?'' 81 have seen 5eau1 BY
moonlight, sir, if that's what you mean, was
the sly reioiuder.
"SNNY, run 30 tbasstore and got some su-
gar. Excuse me, ma; I'm somewhat in
disposed this morning. Send father, and tell
him to bring a pepper Of tobacco along.
''CAx you tell me how old the devil is ~
asked an irreyerent fellow Of clergyman,
.'By friend, you must keep your own family
record was the reply.
O5a devil says it is all a mistake about
the leopard not being able to change his
spots, because if he gets tired of one spot he
goes to another.
A Shoemaker with one eye, complained
that one Of his lamps did not burn One oI
his shopmates, who Is a genuine son of the
Emerald Isle, with astonishment, exclaimed;
Faith, what do you want of two lamps
You havn't but one eye J"
so you're going to keep a school? ?'' said
a young lady to her old aunt. "Well, for ny
part, sooner than do that, would marry &
widcwer with nine children" ~ should
prefer that myself" was the quiet reply
''but where is the widower ~
A Young mother has written poem on
''Baby,' the third stanza Of which has been
much admired. It runs
"D0xery doodleum dinkle um DUN,
Tuu to its muzzery muzzery mum;
Tizzery izzery boozery boo,
No baby so sweet and so pooty as 90.
II is sad to witness the propensity shown,
even in the very young, to break the laws OF
meum and teum. We saw a little rogue the
other day, barely tive years of age, (abl you
may stare . who had his fathers eyes and his
mothers nose and chin.
A HANDSOME young lady was observed to
be in deep reflection on her wedding day.
One Of her bridesmaids asked her the subject
Of her meditations. Il was thinking, she
replied, which Of my old beaux I should mar.
| ~ if 1 became a widow
a THREE year old boy Of Pittsfeld cIer
gymau, watching his mother making biscuit
one Sunday for tea, asked her if it was not
wicked TO work on Sunday. OF course she
said 1t was, and the logical little fellow con.
tinued, 80 0o'll catch it when 90 get to heay.
en-.
AK Irishman entered a barber-sbop, ate
with brush the cup of lather, dug out the
ball of soap at the bottom Of the cup, ate that
and sat down to warm his feet. ''How do
you Ike your lunch ~ asked bystander
Said Pat: 'Tbe custard was Elegant, but b.
my soul, b'leve the egg was little too Ions
in the 8atherl'
WHEy Isaac Hopper, a member of the So
eiety Of Friends, me. a boy with dirty face
or hands, he would stop him and inquire i
he ever studied chemistry. The boy, with a
wondering stare, would answer ''No." ("
"WelI then, I'm teach thee how to perform q
curious chemical experiment" said Friend
Hopper "Go home, take piece Of soap,
pat it IN water, endrub it briskly on thy hand.
and face. Thou hast no idea what beauti
tul froth it viii make, and how much whittier
thy skin will be. That's a. chemical expert
mea'; advise thee to try il"
A. elder Of the Methodist Conference in
Ohio, who is blessed with large feet, relates
the following at his own expense: Stopping
one night at the house Of sister, he over
heard her in the morning, before he arose,
instractiug her boy to black the elders boots.
The boy urged as en- objection that 1t would
stake all day to get around" Finally, yield
ing TO her entreaties, and taking one in each
hand he hauled them across the floor shout
Ing, "Wha! gee round here, lanyard.
GRANDPA, said child on returning from
Sunday school one fine morning., is the Bible
true?'i
Certainly, replied theold lady but why dc
yon ask
Because, replied The juvenile It says thai
every hair Of our head is numbered, and so ]
pulled out handful to-day, and there was nj
q number on one of them.
What heresy exclaimed the old lady, and
tainted.
DANIEL O'CoSEEIL ACKNOWLEDGING THs
CosN.-There is story told of the First Lib.
orator which IS not unworthy of being record
ed. The great Daniel when taking a saunter
ing ride in the neighborhood Of his house a
Caherciveen had occasion to ask an urchir