The Republican journal., 1869-11-04
MARK TWAIN ON Mr.. BEECHER.

1hc KEY. l1tnry W ara Betthrr private
habits are The subject OF Mark Twain's latest
contribution to the Buffalo Express. The
whole article is extremely funny, but that
portion which relates to Mr.. Beechcr', farm
inc experience is in the humorist'S most ex-
travagrant vein, and quite equal to his best
efforts 1t is as follows
Mr.. Beecher's farm consists Of lhimv-six
acres and is carried on on strict scientific
principles He never puts i'll any part of
crop without consulting his book. He ploughs
and reAps and digs and Sows according to the
best authorities-and the authorities cost
more than the other farming implements do
AS soon as the library is complete the farm
will begin to be Il profitable investment But
book farming has its drawbacks. Upon one
occasion, when it seemed morally certain that
the hay ought to be cut, the hay book could
not be tound-and before it was found it was
too late and the hay was all spoiled.
Mr.. Beecher raises some of the ti Il crops
Of wheat in the country, but the uniayorablc
difference between the cost of producing il
and its market value after it is produced has
intertered considerably with its success a. a
commercial enterprise. His special weakness
is hogs, however. lie considers hogs the best
game a farm produces. He buys the origi-
nal pig for a dollar and half, and feeds him
forty dollars worth of corn and the sells him
for about nine dollars. This is the only crop
he ever makes any money on. He loses on
the corn, but he makes seven and a half on
the hog. lie does not mind this, because he
never expects to make anything on corn, any
way. And any way 1t turns out. he has the
excitement Of raising the hog anyhow, wheth
cr he gets the worth of him or not His
strawberries would be Il comfortable success
if the robins wonld eat turnlps, but they
won't and hence the difficulty
One Of Mr., Beechel's most haras>ing diti-
cultcs in his farming operations comes If thr
close resemblance OF different sorts Of -,ra-
and plants to each other, Two Years ag3,
his tar-sightedness warned him that trr.
was going to be I great scarcity q water
melons, and therefore he pa, in crop of
twenty-seven acres OF that fruit. But when
they came up they turned Quito ar pumplu~,
and dead loss was the consequence. som
times IL portion of his crop goeS into the
ground the most promising sweet potatoes,
and comes up the initrnaliSt carrot>-though
| never have heard him express it lust in that
way. When he bought his farm. he found
one egg in every hens nest on the place. He
said that here was JuSt the reason why 80
many farmers faied-they scattered their
forces too much--cOnCentratiOn WA the idea
So he gathered those eggs togethor aud put
That hen roasted over that contract night and
day for eleven weeks, under the anxious I,.l'-
sonal supervision of Mr.. Beecher himself.
but she could not phase these eggs. Why?
Because they Were those infamous porrrIilu
things which are used by ingenious md fraud
ulent farmers as nest eggs" But perh1p~
Mr. Beecher's most disastrous experience wa
the time he tried to raise an immense crop Of
dried apples. He planted fifteen hundred l"l-
lars worth, but never Il one of them spr ~.
ed. He has never been abl" to understand.
TO this day, what was the matter with h1,.
apples
WOMAN. l repeat, sir, that in wttt> A.
position YOU place Il woman she is an rtrt-
ment to society and Il treasure t. tn" II T.
As a sweetheart she has few equals ,i
superiors; rs cousin she is convenicrt-,
wealthy grandmother, with an incura l..
distcmper, she Is precious--as a wet nurse
she has no equal among men.
What, sir, would the peoples of the eartu
be without women? They would be scarce,
sir-almighty scarce. Then let us cherish
support, our encouragement, our sympathy
ourselves, if we get a chance
But testing aside, Mr.. President, woman is
lovable, gracious, kind of heart, beautiful
worthy of all respect of all esteem, of all
Difference. Not any here will refuse to drink
her health right cordially in this bumper of
wine, for each and every one of us has per-
sonally known and loved and honored the
very best one of them all-his own motherw
MARK Twain