The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1869-12-10

Survey mankind from China to Peru.
TOPEKA RECORD.
THERE'S adisease prevalent among the
| people who inhabit the eastern portion
of this country, which annually carries
off large number of most respectable
citizens. Among the first symptoms is
desire to consult late maps of the great
| West, particularly those which exhibit
| the Great American Desert divided from
Missouri by the river of the same name.
Then the afflicted person is seized with
an irrepressible desire TO buy firearms,
and unless he is carefully watched by
experienced friends, will, in remarka-
bly, short time become possessed of from
one to three wagon loads of the most
deadly weapons, with which, after lit
tie further progress of the malady, he
will suddenly disappear. The next
| thing seen of the invalid, he will sud-
denly burst upon the astonished view of
the quiet citizens of Leavenworth, with
car load of accoutrements and himself
standing in pair of top boots that ter
inmate only at the arm pits. am not
aware that any name has yet been given
| to this disease, in the East; but here we
call it 'fbuffalo hunting" / presume
that nearly every man east of the Missis-
sippi river has been more or less aff1ict-
ed with it, but it has not heretofore pro-
ven as fatal on the west as on the east
! side of the Alleghanies. The reason for
this is probably found in the fact that the
noble warriors and peerless maidens of
! the Cheyennes and Arapahoes are not
fully appreciated by the western men,
who, when they are captured by the
Indians, stubbornly insist on designat-
ing the manner in which they shall be
cooked, whether broiled, baked, or made
Into soup, while the Yankees appear
| iDdiffnran ohOnf thnca
! little minor details, so they are permit
ted TO kill a buffalo first.
have long thought it to be the duty
of somebody out this way to furnish a
| few instructions to these hunters from
the Atlantic slope, in order that they
may not seek relief i'll vain for their dis
ease. Old plainsmen may object to this
on the ground that eastern buffalo hum
tiers have already killed large proper
ton of the bison. and that this whole
sale slaughter should be stopped instead
of encouraged, but that when a man
feels that it is his duty to do certain
thing, let nothing deter him. Therefore
shall drop few hints which will be
found valuable:
l. Be sure to buy firearms before
leaving New \ DIRK. Nearly everybody
neglects this. Small pistols, the latest
patterns of rifles that will load them
selves, and double-barrelled shot-guns
with patent cartridges, that were war
ranted to kill every time, should be Sc
cured at once. The pistols are conve-
nient at short range to stick into the
unfortunate bison's ear after You have
dropped him with your double B shot.
Large shot tear the game, and render it
useless. Buffalo are very tender. Any
body can kill buffalo. Shot-guns are
also better than rifles because it is some
times necessary to shoot the game while
it is moving; and then, by firing on a
herd, you are apt to kill eight or nine,
by letting of both barrels at once, if your
gun scatters. Lord Napier, who headed
a hunting party few years ago, killed
seventeen at one shot with his English
fowling piece, and would have wound
ed another if his horse had not stepped
into the chimney ola prairie dogs house.
The Indians like shot-guns best, and if
you are captured, the presentation of
one may secure you the privilege of
choosing your route to the spi rit-land.
| The scenery is very fine on some of
these routes. They are
studded with stars unutterably bright"
which is quite an item.
2. 1t is seldom that any bison are seen
before reaching the Missouri river, and
travellers are not permitted to carry
I
usual practice of loading up while cross
ing the ferry on the Mississippi is not
necessary, as there are not Indians and
buffalo in Missours in sufficient numbers
to attack express trains.
3. Everybody has heard of the Missou-
ri Valley. Well, there are no buffalo
there. No county containing over &c.
600 inhabitants is permitted by the Leg
islature to have herds of bison within
- X6nxy 4,
hotel runners and omnibuses. So hum
tiers need not get excited as soon as they
step on Kansas soil, as the game is still
several miles distant.
4. You had better put all your pistols
on here, however, and strap your guns
over your shoulders in the form of an
X. Don't fail to have large knife with
a horn handle stuck in your boot leg,
and another down your back, easy of
access from the coat collar. A Derrin-
ger pistol in each brooches pocket. al
though they can't be seen, will do no
harm. When you have all the arms on
you can carry, give the rest to Friday,
and go to the hotel.
5. You now have only about four
hundred miles to go for your game, and
as you have your arms already loaded
there is nothing to do but. to get your
| ticket. Be sure and do a great deal of
talking all this time, and advertise for
sealed proposals for shipping your game
east. Then get shaved and push out for
Hays City with your arms all on. No
body wears arms out that wav. and
your appearance will be cheerful nov
city. This is the point nearest your
game where you can procure a brass
band, which is necessary, not only in
hunting buffalo, but in capturing ante
lopes.
''Ring the bell for Sarah.''
played on bugle is the only thing that
win attract antelope within gunshot.
1t will also brighten away wolves at
night and soothe the savage breast AL
so be sure and take along enough wag-
ons to bring your game to the railroad.
A great many come home empty handed
because they neglect to provide trans
portation.
1t is not necessary to say anything
about Indians. IL is enough for you to
know that they
''See God in clouds or hear him in the wind, .
and that the Government will protect
you. The low price of gold alone deters
the Arapahoes and Cheyennes from in
terfering.
They might do it with gold at 2 so,
but not at %. Never.
''Not for Joseph Conservative.
A NOBLE ANswER.-We think we