The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1869-10-05
Putting up Stoves.

We take the following article on put
ting up stoves from the Utica Herald
That it contains much truth we know BY
sad experience, and we believe that nearly
every man who has ever undertaken the
job of setting up stove, can say the
same.
We do not remember the exact date Of
the invention of stoves, but it was some
years ago. Since then mankind have been
fomsnted, once year, by the difficulties
that beset the task of putting them up
and getting the pipes fixed With all
our Yankee ingenuity no American has
ever invented any method by which the
labor Of putting up a stove can be LESSEN
ed. The job is as severe and yexatious
as humanity can possibly endure, and gets
more SO every year.
Men always put their stoves up on a
rainy day. Why, we know not but we
never heard of an exception to the rule.
The first step to be taken is to put on a
very old and ragged coat, under the inn
preston that when he gets his mouth full
of plaster it will keep the shirt bosom
clean. Next the operator gets his hand
inside the place where the pipe ought to
60, and blacks his fingers, and then he
carefully makes black mark down one
side of his nose. It's impossible to make
any Roadway, in doing this work, until
the mark is down the side of his nose.
Having got his face properly marked, the
victim is ready to begin the ceremony.
The head of the family, who is the big
goose of the sacrifice-grasps one side Of
the bottom, of cne stove, and his wife and
the hired girl take hold of the other side.
In this way the load is started from the
woodshed toward the parlor. Going
through the door the head of the family
will carefully swing his side of the stove
around and Jam his thumb nail against
the door post. This part of the ceremony
is never omitted. Having got the family
comfort in place, the next thing is to find
the legs. Two of these are left inside Of
the stove since the spring before. The
other two must be hunted after, for TWEEN
ty-fve minutes. They are usually found
under the coal. Then the head Of the
family holds up one side of the stove while
his wife put two of the legs in place, and
next he holds up the other side while the
other two are fixed, and one of the first
two falls out. BY the time the stove is
on its legs he gets reckless and takes off
his old coat, regardless ofhis linen. Then
he goes for the pipe and gets two cinders
in his eye. 1t don't make any difference
how well the pipe was put up last year it
will always be found little too short
or little too long The head of the fam
lily jams his hat over his eyes and taking
pipe under each arm goes to the tin
shop to have it fixed When he gets back
he steps upon one of the best parlor chairs
to see if the pipe sand his wife makes him
get down for fear he will scratch the var
nish off from the chair with the nails in
boot heel In getting down he will sure
ly step on the cat, and may thank his
stars if it is not the baby. Then he gets
an old chair and climbs up to the chimney
again, to find that in cutting the pipe off,
the end has been left too big for the hole
in the chimney So he goes to the wood
shed and splits one side Of the end Of the
pipe, with an old axe, and squeezes it in
his hands to make it smaller
Finally he gets the pipe in shape and
finds that the stove does not stand true
Then himself and wife and the hired girl
move the stove to the left, and the legs
fall out again. Next it is moved to the
right. More difficulty with the legs
Moved to the front little. Elbow not
even with the hole in the chimney, and
the head of the family goes again to the
woodshed after some little blocks. While
putting the blocks under the legs, the pipe
comes out of the chimney. That remed-
led, the elbow keeps tipping over to the
great alarm of his wife. Head of the
family gets the dinner table out, puts the
old chair on it, gets his wife hold of the
chair, and balances himself on it to drive
some nails into the ceiling. Drops the
hammer on to wife's head. At last gets
the nails driven, make wire swing to
hold the pipe, hammers little here pulls
a little there, takes long breath, and
announces the ceremony concluded.
Job never put up any stoves. 1t
would have ruined his reputation if he
had. The above programme with unim-
portant variations, will be carried out in
many respectable families during the next
six weeks.