The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1869-05-04
RELISHES.

who said, HWell. farmer. how did you
enjoy yourself last night? We're not
the quartettes excellent" "Why, real
ly, sir, 1 can't say" said he, flor
| didn't taste 'em; but the pork chops
were the finest ever ate,
"MAMmA!" exclaimed beautiful
girl, who suffered affectation to obscure
the little intellect she possessed, "what
is that long green thing lying on the
dish before your" ga cucumber, my
beloved Georgina," replied her NAM
ma, with bland smile of appreciation
on her daughters curiosity, "a Gu.
cumber! Gracious goodness, my dear
mamma, how extraordinary! 1 always
imagined, until this moment, that they
grew in slices"
WHAT is the difference between
| civilized dinner and person who sub
siststs at the North Pole?-One has his
bill of fare and the other has his fill of
bear.
a SOUTHERN editor congratulates
himself that "half the lies told about
him amt true"
"GRACE GREENWOOD" having been
mated by newspaper gossip with GER
tain "Dr. Lippincott," writes q spicy
note to the Washington Star, telling
| who are not her husbands. She thinks
| she has some reason to complain of edl-
tors for assigning to her $50 many ami
| able consorts." The same disclaimer
which she says she puts forth for the
benefit of "Dr. Lippincott," she de-
clares must also apply to Mr.. j. b. Lip.
pincott, the great publisher, and TO
General Lippincott, the door-keeper of
the Senate.
"They are 'aIl honorable men, , doubt
less" she remarks1 in conclusion, "but
they are not my husbands; and l here
by warn all persons against trusting
me on their account"
A POOR man once came to miser and
said, 81 have favor to ask"
$50 have l." said the miser; grant
me the first"
agreed"
"My request Is" said the miser, "that
you ask me for nothing"
A NEWSPAPER contains an account OF
the production of a new play, and says
the audience "sat speIlbound. There
were only four persons present. One
was deaf, and the other three were
asleep"
LITTLE JIMMY Is not so we'll posted in
spiritual matters as he might be. The
other day, during discussion as to
what constituted 3 Christian. Jimmy
was Il very earnest listener, and at last
the remark was made that his father
was q Christian. It came to him like II
severe charge against his paternal; and,
assuming grave air, he said: "No,my
papa isn't CHRISTIANS; ne'S MEMBER
of the Methodist Church."
A LADY living in Portsmouth, New
Hampshire, has for the past few years
suffer ed much from nervous affection.
She has used ten freely; and her hus-
banda scientific Gentleman-recentl
analysed her beverage, and found that
the coloring material was gypsum ana
Prussian blue, and that the amount in
pound of tea administered at once
would produce instant death.
- A NOVEL style OF head -dress-and the
very latest TOOLS n garland of tulips
worn upon the head, so arranged that
the heat of the room causes the tulips
gradually to unfold, displaying dia-
monds, rubies, and other precious
stones. The expense is trihinG!
A SOMEWHAT novel Sunday evening
entertainment WAS recently given at
the National Theatre in Washington.
It consisted of readings by James T..
Murdoch of "Scriptaral and Sacred Lit
erature," commencing with AddisOn's
hymn, "When all Thy mercies, oh, my
God" and concluding with reading
of the Lords Prayer. Various Bible
stories were read in connection with
poems upon the same subjects. A large
audience seemed highly pleased With
the whole programme.
REPORT says that the latest Paris
fashion in regard to hair is to evenly
divide the entire head of hair between
any two colors! A pearly white on one
side and an ebony black on the other,
or fiery red and brilliant green,
makes charming contrast!
CHILDREN look at things in fresh,
simple way that is amusing and often
charming. The matter of"not playing
on Sunday" is great puzzle to them
oftentimes. A story is told of little
Southern boy whose mother one sun
day babe him put away his toys. why
can't play Sundays, mar" SAID he. in
day, and God will not love little boys
that play on Sunday" "Well, ma"
returned the boy, "I'll bet God played |
on Sunday when he was littleI"
ANOTHER mother said to her son /:
"Stevy, don't your conscience telfyOu
it is wrong to play with your top on
day?n mo, m :, am ia answered nsHthe1
"if Your conscience don't tell you it is
wrong, go on" Stevy put down his
top, and sat some moments patiently
waiting. After while he took it up
again, and said, "Well, I guess 1 might
as we'll go on with my play, don't hear
my conscience say anything"
SENATORS are said to be very polite
to everybody at the commencement of
their term, but as crusty as possible
when near the close OF it, and they are
not to be returned. The following in
stance is reported as authentic: A lady |
who wanted something of certain
Senator sent for him one day shortly |
before his term expired. He came out
looking so cross that she stammered |
out, ~ fear you are very busy" 81
am" was the reply. 81 fear have in |
truded." "You have" glaring al her |
with ill-concealed impatience. "Might |
I ask tiff" Then followed the re-
quest, tri1ing one, bound up with 'if |
you please" To which he replied, "NO, |
Madam, / do not please at all; good |
morning !" and went away. The lady |
burst into tears.
RULES FOR SELF GOVERNMENT. I
Always sit next to the carver, If you
can, at dinner.
Ask no woman her age.
Be civil to all rich uncles and aunts.
Don't play at chess with a widow.
Never contradict a man who shutters.
Keep your own secrets. Tell no hui
man being you dye your whiskers.
Write not one letter more than you
can help. The man who keeps up
large correspondence is a martyr tied,
not to the stake, but to the post.
Wind up your conduct, like your
watch, once every day, examining mi
nutely whether you are "fast" or
"slow."
DOMESTIC SCENE.
"Pretty time of night, Mr.. NJ. for
WIN tn h0uo-nrokkv time three