Elizabeth daily monitor. [volume] (Elizabeth, N.J.) 1868-1880, 1869-09-04
Conclusion from first page.

49, N-eoNNAAASS
stranger ?"
The maiden said:
"Faix, an is it Biddy Malone We
dare to be calm names ? Lave this or
I'll shy your lean carcass over the cath
aract, We sniveling blagyardP
L adjourned from there, also. "Con-
found these Indians" L said, s'they
told me they were tame-bnt, if APP
pearances should go for anything. l
should say they were all on the war
path.
I made one more attempt to frater.
nize with them, and only one. L came
upon camp of them, gathered in the
shade of great tree, making wampum
and moccasins, aud addressed them In
the language of friendship:
"Noble Red Men, Braves, Grand
Sachems, War Chiefs, Squaws, and
High Muck-a Mucks, the pale face
from the land of the setting sun greets
you You Benefcent Polecat-you
Devourer-of- Mountains-you, Roaring
Thundergust-you, Bully -Boy -with-a-
Glass Eye-the pale face from beyond
the great waters greets you all War
and pestilence have thinned your ranks
and destroye ed your once proud nation.
Poker, and seven-up, and vain mod
ern expense for soap, unknown to your
glorious ancestors, have depleted your
purses. Appropriating in your sim
plicity the property of others has got
ten You in trouble. disappearing
facts, in your simple innocence, has
damaged your reputation with the soul
less usurper. Trading for forty rod
whisky to enable you to get drunk and
happy and tomahawk your families has
played the everlasting mischief with
the picturesque pomp of your dress,
and here you are, in the broad light of
the nineteenth century gotten up like
the ragtag and bobtail of thepurieus
of New York For shame Remember
your ancestors Recall their mighty
deeds Remember Uncas Red jack
ct land Hole-in- the-Day land Hor-
ace Greeley! Emulate their achieve
ments Unfurl yourselves under my
banner, noble savages, illustrious
"Down wild him p Scoop the
blagyard p "Burn him !" Hang
him p "Dhrown him |"
It was the quickest operation that
ever was. I simply saw sudden flash
in the air of clubs, brickbats, fists, bead
baskets and moccasing--a single flash,
and they all appeared to hit me at once
and no two of them in the same place
In the next instant the entire tribe was
upon me. They tore all the clothes off
me, they broke my arms and legs, they
gave me q thump that dented the to }
OF my head till it would hold coffee like
saucer, and to crown their disgraceful
proceedings and add to insult to injury
they threw me over the Horseshoe Fall
and I got wet.
About ninety OF hundred feet from
the top, the remains of my vest caught
on projecting rock, and / was almost
drowned before 1 got loose. I finally
fell, and brought up in white foam at
the foot of the Fall, whose celled and
and hubby masses lowered up several
inches above my hand. OF course /
got into the eddy. l sailed round and
round into it forty flour times-chas-
ing chip and gaining on it-each
round trip half mile-reaching for
the same bush ON the bank forty-four
times. and Just exactly missing it by a
hairs breadth every time. At last by
this time man walked down close to
that bush, aud put pipe in his mouth
and lit match, and followed me with
one eye and kept the other on the
match while he sheltered it in his hand
from the wind Presently q puff of
wind blew it out. The nexttime Iswept
around he said /:
"Got a match ~ "Yes--in my 9TH
er vest. Help me out, please" I" Not
for joe" When [ come around again
l said
Excuse the seemingly impairment
curiosity of drowning man, but will
you explain this singular conduct OF
yours ?"
"With pleasure | am the Coroner.
Don't hurry on my account. [ can
wait for you. But l wish 1 had a
match"
I said Take my place and I'll go
and get you one.
He declined. This lack of conf.
dence on his part created GOODNESS be-
tween MS, and from that time forward [
avoided him. 1t was my idea, and in
case anything happened to me, to SO
time the occurrence as to throw my
custom into the hands of the opposl-
ton Coroner over on the American side
At last policeman came along and ar
rested me for disturbing the peace by
yelling at people on the shore for help
The Judge fined me, but had the best
of him. My money was with my pan.
falcons, aud they We're with the Indians.
Thus escaped. am now lying in
a very critical condition. At least ]
am lying, anyway-critieal or not crit
cal
am hurt all over, but L cannot tel
the full extent yet, because the doctor
is not done taking the inventory. H.
will make out my manifest this even
ing. However, thus far he thinks only
six of my wounds are fatal. L dom
mind the others.
Upon regaining my right mind,
said
T" 1t is an awfully savage tribe of III
dams that do the bead work and mecca
sins for Niagara Falls, doctor. Where
are they from p
Limerick, my son. :"
n. I shall not be able to finish my re
marks about Niagara Falls until ge
better. MARK TWAIN.
Thieves attempted to rob the banl
~ n A