Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1869-09-14
Josh Billings ON q Velocipede.

W. win TWO wheels, placed consecutive
iy' one wheel before the other, aud the
T other, wheel behind the fust one.
They revolve oh their axis similar to
the world; from east to west, and hats
already reached the shore of the Pacifck
oshun. $3.50 ta '#u ia H-I--..
They are as easy ten ride as grind
stun. a - o.. .l a~ -.
They will undoubtedly do away with
the use of steam, and in fifty years from
now will be the only means oflocolnotion
knbsn to man. s-ea Gg3r .d. 20 s,.,,..
The Titles will all use them, list az
'""r ,', '7 thew Fan settle the question. in
what manner they shall occupy tneln.
just now there is dispute, whether
they shall oetupy both sides ov the. ye-
loslpead at once, or whether they shall
remain on one side ov them at once. simi-
lar to the anshunt custom ov occupying
the noble animal, the boss. .. ...I sf ...
1t IL to be hoped that this matter will
be laid before the "wimmins' right COM
m'ttes;" and that nothing ov one sid
ed natur, should be allowed tew hindef
woman from filling her destiny. u e. u
II belsaf in throwing every thing wide
open to fair compe,ishun between the
two sexes, velosipeads az well az medisin,
and may the best man win. -.... !
1t might look d little old (for the fust
day or two) to see the ladies divided by
a yelooipead, but in the great advance ov
prices and morals which are now at work
in the world, nobody but darn phool or
ioggy would object tcw it--if we are
ever to reach perfeckshun in this wolll,
we hav all ov us got to have a 1air chance
at both sides ov thing. ..
/ hav examined the scientifck princi-
pies ov the yclosipead, and find that it iz
just az simple az bread and milk.
The rotary cohesivehess which exists in
all cifcumlocutory gravitations, ackting t,
Conjunction with the simple law ov at
traction, preserves the moshun ov the
velosipead within its proper and nutu a
revolushun.
Nothing can be more simple and yet
more NOR G heoniif,l .he- II : l-., n commant..
muIirs, .s.- with tue ~
There is one improvement IN the ~,
,'pead which am looking anxiously for
ward to, and that IL, to learn to stand
sill till you mount them
Nothing is more annoying than habit
thew have got ov LING down on their
si les, if yu undertake to endorse one o.
them standing still
hcv seen the noble animal, the hoss'
when they wanted to git rid ov their IL
der Law down sideways and roll over ana
L;cL m their heels. This il trick which
the velosipead haz stole from the nos
without giving him credit for it. s
If mi memory serves me right the me :
sbuu oy the vesoslpead il purely a crank
mosbun, similar to the grind stun' and y
nroduced the same way that the te'ssoI
grinder stirs us his masheen. g, ~
j. | hav thought it the pioneer wheel o'
/. the velooipead could be made out OF white
!. stones, it might be used while IN progress
J.; far sharprina razors and carving knives
o. and thu. bekum means OF grace AZ we'
&c AZ buty, but this would take the poe'r
;. all out oy it, and degrade it down to tn
es level of usefulness. -'n .
u If YOU want tew take the starch out 0
- !. a novelty, Jest set it tew work at sun
:. thing useful, it bekums inelegant at ono
, The moshun ov the velosipesd is Pr
a. duced by the action of the legs Tor rath
e; the action of the pedal extremetJs', u
= word leggs IL altogether too obscene
avery man to use, who ever expects II
" run for the legislature, or be caught
the society ov refined people.
e,' $, This fakt is sufficiently explained u
~. the latin skoler, who understands u
''' .velosipeads" Is manufactured 0u.
,vo fc,rip words. ..vcloss' and "pede
,es' =. which vulgaril, mean "lively legs
1p politely means, ''pedal swiftness." "'.' .
gar IRE a man don't understand latin no.
40 daze. he kant hardly enjoy the CONVEX
~ " shun ov hod carrier, a} haH '7a..
The vclosipead ia not a modern a'S'
lena cry long before the daze OF Adam
,ston Eve they waz in use. '''a" 5'n., 2
! III The heathen gods had them, with
,hors wheel TO them, and history tells US o
and great expert, one Ixion, who got onto
,hat aide oy one ov tlHem, and Travelled all
a and the olymphian country .'a'I'' ...'
- - :. bay seen them miself with only
Wheel TO them,g these had two nan
which protruded out behind and
"Are propelled by ashove moshuu
TRY These were fus' aiscVVe'o IL. :.
~ : and I think are called "wheeibarr
.-'1 z '~i9 vac teg a'a ,
IS sii i 9aR e3 baib u ovl lHDo