The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-03-12
MusicaI Courtship-Matrimony Made
Easy.
nv pHrSEAs MARIeoLD, JR.

that a a rose with any other pame could
smell as sweet" If / should inveigh
against the prevailing musical momencla-
ture of the present day, l might be asked
by alarmed music Publishers whats In
titleY" To that question would answer
much. which shall endeavor to prove.
Now. I am an enthusiast in musical mat
tiers have, indeed, a passion for music,
especially vocal My lachrymal glands,
nauy a time and off," have responded
generously to the melting strains of Lo-
rena,n Thou hast learned TO love anoth-
err" ct i'd omne genas. My enthusiasm in
this respect recently impelied me to write
a list of the most popular songs Of this
character, and the result OF my researches
set me thinking, and I fiatter myself, TO
some purpose; but of that let candid
world judge.
It is melancholy fact that many man
brimful of unuttersble yearnings" drsgs
out long weary years Of single wretched-
ness, merely because he lacks the moral
courage to PROFOUND the awful question,
"wilt thou be miner or words to that
effect. OF course the legion of anxious
mammas who have eligible daughters to
dispose of, have not failed TO observe this
fact. Is It not reasonable to suppose that
they should exert all the innocent craft and
resistiess arts peculiar to their sex, in order
to relieve fsint-hearted bachelors from the
necessity of "popping the question" in
the old orthodox manner, and still relieve
themselves Of some Of their signing
eligibles'
Naturally sympathetic, could not re-
gard this embarrassing and unnatural
state of affairs without feelings of sincere
pity and COMMUNICATION for both parties
have revolved many plans for relief, but,
until lately, never originated one that
regarded as worthy to be presented for
their consideration.
Isay until lately, for my humane efforts
have at last been crowned with success,
and am now prepared to submit q plan,
the adoption of which will In my hum BILE
opinion, completely revolutionize the
whole institution Of modern courtship,
increase the number of yearly marriages
at least twenty-five per cent and give an
unprecedented impetus to the music trade.
Here, am aware, many splenetic read
ers of this article will question the dis
interestedness of my efforts" and even
have the hardihood to hint that am in
the employ of clique Of music publishers,
and Il blush to write it) am literally paid
for my sympathy
Conscious Of the rectitude of my inten-
tons and the purity Of my motives, I
shall take no notice of such Ill -natured
charges, but pass them by, in silent CON-
tempt
Ishan now endesvor to explain my plan
by simple illustration of its operation /:
One of the unhappy class of timid bach
elors above referred to is spending the
evening" with the object of his silent
worship. / say silent, for the peculiar in
trinity of his disposition has hitherto
kept him tongue-tied. Anxious mamma"
is aware of the true state of affairs; so is
her dutiful daughter. The former has
urged that affairs be brought to q crisis this
very evening, and 1t Is so decreed.
Gushing Dsmsel innocently proposes that
they examine collection of vocal music
she has recently made. EDamored Swain
gladly assents Gushing Damsel hands him
collection of sheet music Carefully ar
ranged), and taking smaller collection
herself, the interesting scene, so big with
fate" begins
Gushing Damsel (reading title of a song).
"Pm lonely to night" lin sad, melan-
choly voice.
Enamored Swain (also reading from has
collection). Why"
CD. (reads). mo one to love" I'm
creased sadness, with addition of slight
tremor in voice. A powerful appeal to
all the lstsnt sy9pabisss Of 0ns ei 10 nisS'ssss
(E. s. here experiences q slight choking
sensation in his throat. Has O vague
apprehension that something is going to
happen involving the destruction or
confirmation of long cherished hopesl.
G. d. (reads). ASK me not why."
Delightfully."- confused and flutteriDg voice,
followed by gentle sigh
E S. (reads). "Dost thou ever think of
me," Us impressed with the idea that
he has at length asked the very ques-
ton, he had thousand times before re-
solved to ask, but-hsdn't)
G. ID. (reads). 81 would not have you
know" (Charmingly evasive and proVok-
ingly non-committal)
E. s. (reads). "Will you come to meet
met" (This starts the perspiration. Z.
s. begins to feel homesick. In fact, he has
a strong presentiment that his maternal
parent desires q personal interview with
aim at thatvery moment)
CD. (reads). "I'll wait at the gate for
thee THAT'S sensible, and t. the pointl
E. s. (reads). meet me at the twilight
hour" How often has he longed to make
that very request.)
G. D. (reads) "Be sure you call as you
pass by" What more could he ask y
E. 8. (reads). "Pye something sweet to |
ell" (Renewed perspiration. Begins to
doubt his own identity. Thinks he may
be dreaming. Secretly pinches himself,
and responsive nerves assure him of his /
g. d. (reads). "Softly whisper" Low,
remulous voice, Just audible)
e. 3. (reads). "Ah, 1t is sweet to tell"
His courage is not yet considered equal
o the direct avowal soon to be made
G. ID. (reads). SIN not the wild creature
seem" "a touching appeal to his con-
E. 8. (reads). "Leaye me not In dark
lespair." (which, of course, she hasn't
he slightest intention of doing)
g. ID. (reads). "Oh, say not that my
eart is dead" CA very reasonable re-
uest, and very suggestive.)
K. s. (reads) "Oh, who can with thee
A burst of admiration origi.
ating from an innocent love of fattery
n the part of the artless "mistress Of ,
9. D; (reads). "oh, whisper what thou
,eless."
E. 8. (reads). dearest, love thee"
The rubicon is crossed. In homely phrase ,,
g has permitted the feline quadruped to
,cape from the enclosing sack.
g. d. (reads). "Oh, tell me not that
arly love-" begins to feel herself "mis-
'ss: Of the eeld," and is disposed to play (
e. s. (reads). "Never deem my love Z
IN change" q
g. d. (reads). my heart is like a y
ilent Lutte" A most discouraging fact >
Z an ardent lover to contemplate.) '
e. 8. (reads). dearest, then, I'll love .
zee more" (Under ordinary circum- y
Ances, a wild assertion, Admirably illus.
Ating the traditional folly of 6vers1 Z
G. b. (readsl. al would like to change G
y name" (Musingly, halt to herself y
til peculiar rising and falling circumfex 7
would" The simple artlessnes and L
gaging frankness of this admission :,
,uld be quite captivating. r
3. s. (reads). "The first sweet day .,
It thee" =,
9. d. (reads). "Deep in my soul" =. ~
bstractly. These are apparently unfin- -,
ed ee1tences. To his, We might add, =,
resolved to win thee" and to hers, lis e n'
, memory of that day." ID
3. s. (feads). "Wert thou mine own
eet bride"
J. D. (reads). "wilt thou be trues"
snderly.)
:. s. (reads) al will be true to thee" re
d some months past e. 8. has regarded r
nself as . passive instrument In the RI
Ids of fate. He performs his part me-
'nically, and tremblingly awaits future th
,eloPments). lii
!. d. (resds). "Csll me pet names" th
ore tenderly,) OF