The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1869-09-25
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/ = Akat2 AsbOVOVN AND X66 E6IIIfOG2ER
The ,Rnccoon q resid y;$he Knited
cos:;:..sszy soon: after. its discovery ls4 Cs-
lumbus, without o cent, and nothing but
his claws tew get living with. csss -.
He liz one ov them kind ov persons
whose hide il worth more than all the
rest ov him. rE
He resides among the heavy, timber,
and oultivates the corn-felds and nabring
garden sass for sustenance, and under
stands hiz bizness.
His family consists ov wife and three
children, who live with him on the in.
side ov tree.
he can alyus be found at home dur
ing the day, reddy tew receive calls, but
his nights are devoted tew looking after
his own affairs.
He dresses in soft fur, and his tail,
which is round, has rings on it.
These rings are ov the same material
that the tail liz. and are worn on all oc-
casions.
During the winter he ties himself up
IN hard not, and lays down by his
freside.
When spring opens he opens, and
goes out to see how the chickens hav
wintered.
| His life IL as free from labor az O new
penny, and if it wasn't for the dogs and
the rest ov mankind the rackcoon would
lind what everybody else has lost
heaven upon earth.
But the dogs tree him and the men
skin him, and what there is left ov him
ain't worth cuss.
He IL not natral vagabond, like the
hedgehog and the alligator, but luvs to
be civilized aud liv among folks, but he
haz one vice that the smartest missionary
on earth kant redeem, and that il the
art ov steeling.
He IL seckoned only tew the crow in
petite larceny, will steal what he kant
eat nor hide.
He will turn over barrel ov apple sass
just for the fun ov mauling the sass with
his feet, and will pull out the plug out
ov the molassls, not be kause he luys
sugar emmy better than he duz yung
duck, but jist tew see if the molassis has
got good daub few it.
hav studded animal deviltry for IS
years, be kause the more deviltry in an
animal, the more human he is.
| can't find, by searchineethe passen-
ger list, that Noah had c6on on board
but am willing tew bet 10 pound owe
mutton sassage that mister coon and his
wife commuted by stealing ride.
| never knu raccOon tew want enny-
thing long that he could steal quick.
Ennyboddy who has ever looked a
coon right square in the face will bet WI
q dollar that he liz dead beat, or under
$500 dollar bonds not tew go into the
Dizziness for the next ninety days.
hav had tame coons by the dozen
they are az easy tew tame as child if WI
take them yung enuff, but kant advise
ennyboddy to cultivate coons; they want
rs mulch looking after az blind mule
on tow-path, and there aint emmy more
profit in them than thar liz in a stock
dividend on the Erie Railroad.
L never waz out ov pet animal since
L Kan remember till now, but hav gone
out ov the trade forever; lately disko-
vered that it was good deal like max
ing whlssel out of q cats tail, running
a comfortable tale, and reaping O kursid
mean whissel.
Raccoons live tew be sixty-6ve years
old, If they miss the society Of men and
dogs enutf; thare aint but few of them
die ov old age. The Northwestern Fur
Company are the CRATE undertakers of
the coon family.
feel sorry for coons, for with triHlc
more brains they would make respecta-
BILE pettifoggers before q justis ov the
peace; but even this would not save them
from final perdishun.
Nature don't make emmy mistakes.
after all; she hits the bull right in the
eye every time. When she wants rack
coon with rings on his tail she makes
him, and when she wants pettifogger
she knows how tew make him without
splicing good coon.
Pettifoggers, no doubt, have destiny
tew fill, and they may enable o justis oy
the peace, in cloudy day, tew know q
good deal less ov the law than he other.
wise would; still. for all this, if I was
oblige tew pray for one or the other, I
think now should say, give us little
more coon and good deal less pettifog-
ger.
If the rackcoon would only give his
whole attenshun to politics thar amt
but few can beat him. He is at home on
the stump; and menny or US old coons
kan rekolekt how, in 184O, ;th nothing
but hard cider diet, he swept the coun.
try from North to the South pole like q
cargo ov epson Salts
SALMYGUNDY.-Men mourn for what
they have lost-wimminl for what they
hain't got