The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-09-10
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

FATAL Fabian unhealthy autumn.
DEARER THAN LIFE-Fashionable fun
erals
as. T.-1SG0.- x" it is said was suggested
first by an industrious effort to initiate
Treasurer Spinner's signature.
THE gas is reported to be so bad in Erie,
Pa, that the boy who puts it out has to
take lantern to find the posts.
JRHIAL SLAB says that perambulating
squirtgun constantly charged with Tobacco
juice is, next to barn-yard, the nastiest
thing he knows Of
IT is said that dog, taken in its infancy
and held three-quarters OF an hour under
water, will never be troubled with hydro
phobia.
A T1psY Irishman, as funeral procession
was passing by, was asked who was dead.
AZ can't exactly say, sir" said he, "but l
presume it's the jintleman in the coffin"
A COUPLE of fellows who were pretty
thoroughly soaked with bad whisky got
into the gutter After f1oundering about
for few minutes, one of them said Jim,
let's 90 to another house-this hotel leaks"
UPON the shutter Of little shop in
Philadelphia is placard reading thus:
"Gootwecl and fgstyers fur sail" The
premises have just been vacated by Ger
man cordwainer, who desires to dispose Of
his "good will and fixtures.
To BE q woman of fashion is one of the
easiest things in the world. A late writer
thus describes it: "Buy everything you
don't want, and pay for nothing you get;
smile on all mankind but your husband !;
be happy everywhere but at home"
Two PHYSICIANS at the bedside of pa
tient disputed as to the nature of the dis
ease At last one of them ended the dis
cussion by saying: Every well, have it
your own way now, but the post norton
will show that am right" The patient
was not much encouraged.
GARNIER-PAeEs the elder was once ap-
preached by familiar of Louis Philippe
with an offer of portfolio "Were the
King" said the diplomatic go-between,
Z" to send for you to form Cabinet, what
would you dO?" "Have you been official
~ desired to find out ?" said the politician.
"Well, perhaps So" replied the diplomat
"Well, then, 1 would say: Your Majesty,
by all means, provided that you, sire,
would accept foreign mission"
A GOOD story is related of child ad-
W tuC plltdtC Stuuy Va viz RASoShS
Pope In preparation for the Ecumeni-
cal Council, his holiness ordered from his
architect certain embellishments, the plan
of which was brought for his inspection by
that gentleman's little boy Charmed by
the plan, his holiness opened drawer full
of gold, and said to the child, "Take
handful of coin as reward for the beauty
of your fathers work" "Holy father"
replied the child, "take it out for me, your
hand is bigger than mine"
REMEMBERED-
Have you forgotten It? Inevel canl
One blessed night In June,
How bright the sky, how pale your face,
In the wan light Of the moon.
Do you remember 1t? for, oh, dol
The scent of flowers there;
Was 1t the buds upon the trees,
Or the great rose in your hair!
Have you forgotten It. never cani
Something risked that night;
Something scarcely dared to speak,
Though my heart said was right.
De you remember It! for, oh, / dol
The first, the sweetest kiss;
Lin up your face, look in my eyes,
1t was such as this-and thisi
GRACE GREENWOOD tells story illus
trating new method of curing those who
are inclined to suicide. The father of a
family, after two attempts to make way
with himself at length succeeded in
shooting himself through the heart. His
widow-an energetic, sensible woman
perceived that her eldest daughter was
inclined to follow in the footsteps Of her
father even unto death. The mother
watched her daughter narrowly, and one
day soon after she had swung herself off
from an old chest in the garnet. She cut
her down, and tenderly brought her to-
Then, taking the knotted halter, she
vigorously laid it over her shoulders,
saying: I'm put stop to this suiciding 4!
I'm not going to have it run in our family,
I'll have you understand" This treat
ment was successful in checking the
mental disease,