The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1869-12-08
FACETIE.

Well 'posted"-The telegraph.
A crystal ghost-A glass shade.
A sound judge-A musical critic.
The ''Last Sensational tight shoe.
An agricultural angela wheat-cor-
.ner.
The best board of health-A light
diet.
Men of mark-Those who can't write
their own names.
Epitaph for one Of the University
crew-He was a gentleman and a soul
Ter.
The hog may not be thoroughly
posted in arithmetic, but when you
come to "square root" he is there.
When petulent individual observes
to you, "You had better eat me up,
hadn't you?" don't you do it.
"Talk about crocodiles weeping"
said an old salt, "why, blast my eyes,
haven't l seen the whales blubber 2"
elbow came you to have a wooden
leg 2" "Why, my father had one, and
SO had my grandfather. 1t runs in the
family"
MISUNDERSTANDING are classified ac-
cOrding to their skill, into timid tod
dlers, wary wabblers, and go-it-grace-
fnls.
In Cork, the crier of the Court, anx-
ious to dispense the crowd around the
bar, exclaimed "All ye blackguards
that isn't lawyers, quit the court 2"
The gas went out at one of the
churches not long since, inst as the
congregation were singing the opening
hymn, from which cause it was finished
in short metre,
An Irish gentleman having small
picture-room, several persons desired
to see it at the same time. "Faith,
gentlemen" said he, "if you all go in,
it will not hold half of YOU"
A Spaniard in the first pages of his
English grammar, desiring one evening
at a table to be helped to some boiled
tongue said: 81 will thank you, miss,
to pass me the language"
A gentleman who was waited upon
by committee and asked to accept a
nomination as Alderman, replied -
"Gentlemen, l am incapable of doing
justice to the position. I am troubled
with dyspepsia"
Pat Doolan, at the battle of Chancel-
louisville, bowed low at cannon ball
which whizzed just six inches above his
head. "Faitl,," said Pat. Zone never
loses anything by being polite"
When Mrs. Stanton gets the wimen
dressed so near like the men that you
can't tell the difference without a pos
norton examination, won't she leave &
string or something hanging out te
avoid mistakes?
Gentlemen Ito boatmen)-You must
often, should think, get wet, do yor
not 2 Artless Boatmen-Yes, yer hon,
or, we does, very wet, very wet, in.
deed but I'm very dry just now, ye,
honor, and no mistake.
Robert Hall did not lose his power
Of retort even in madness. A Typo
critical cOndoler with his misfOrtunes
!
said in a whining tone: "What brough
you here, Mr.. Hall 2" Hall significant
ly touched his brow with his finger
and replied: "What will never bring
JON, sir; too much BRAIN"
Several young ladies were amusing
themselves short time ago with az
electric battery. Miss Emma proposed
taking one of the poles and her frien(
Annie the other, and, instead of joining
hands, kiss each other. A scream from
Annie caused the lady who was turn.
ing the machine to stop suddenly
when Emma exclaimed that it burned
her lips terribly. Annie remarked tina
it "felt just like moustache."
Only a gerry entire stranger woult
select H. H., of Kalamazoo, as an ex
ample of the worthy confraternity o
Good Temp!ars. Such an one from {
remote and rural lodge recently fell il
with him at a convention of the order
. and taking him for jealous brother
began talk upon the condition ant
prospects of the society. Feeling
greatly drawn toward Fl. H. by thu
modest and fervent manner OF hi
statements, he ut length asked: "Hav'
yon long been q member of the order9
Ever since | was a little boy" ''In
deed, l was not aware it was alive 81
long ago. What is the name of you
lodge 2" IS. T., 1870, X" replied H
HI.
"Good-morrow, Mrs. Fogarty."-
"ThiD, good-morrow, kindly, Judy
| hope l see you well this morning 2
$50, Mrs. Fogarty, you married you
daughter ~ did, praise be to good
ness" "Did she get a good match 2
"Faix, thin, it's herself that did
Didn't she get blind Mike, that make
more money than any three beggars il
Cork 2" "I'm delighted to hear it, Mrs
Fogarty, assure you. That the worlt
may wonder at the luck they'll have.-
Did you give her any fortune? =" can.
fortune is itq All! thin, now, Judy, i
it after insulting me you'd be? Sur
you know in your heart that child O
mine was never married without it,
Didn't l give her the best side of Quin
CIV street, which, if well begged, i
worth seven and sixpence week 7"
EISHlNG TACKLE-Perch, Trou
l. and river hooks; superior lines o
silk, grass, hemp aud cotton; trot or rive
lines; cork floats, bait boxes, Japan Fish
ing Poles, at H. ST. JOHNS.
BE FIRM.-The winds and the wave!