Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1869-02-09
HUMOROUS.
A Precocious Chap.

John Smith-yo've heard of him-is very
bashIuI-is too bashful, in truth. lie was
born and raised in the country. His father
gave him a good education and allows him
plenty of money But John with his other
attainments, never could accustom himself to
the society of females; not because he didn't
like the girls, but because shy nature would
not permit him to associate with the fair sex.
1t once happened, not very long ago either,
that Johns father had some very important
business to transact in the city. lie also had
some very particular affairs to attend to at
home, which demanded his personal attention,
and not possessing the power of ubiquity, he
delegated his son John to transact that in the
city.
John, being thus commissioned, immcdi-
ately proceeded to the city and to the resi-
dence of his fathers old friend, whom he
found to be very nice old gentleman, with
a beautiful daughter, and gold spectacles
John was ushered into the paljr, la new
thing to him, and motioned to scat-no
a sofa, [auothcr new tking.1
But we must use his own language: 81
took my seat and made observations. Every
thing was fnc Fine carpets, fine sofas, fine
fables, fine curtains, fac books, fne pianos,
fine everything, aud especially fine young
lady who was dressed in iue silk, fine satin,
aud who had fiac curls aud fne appearance
generally.
After chatting with the old gentleman a
few minutes, he took down his hat, told me
to make myself at home for an hour or two,
and left-me alone with his daughter and a
small mischievous boy, the young lady's
brother l didn't relish the situation at all.
The idea Of my keeping city belle engaged
in conversation for two hours--perdtion -
vi ~,
YOU NAV bet | amused myself much
possible with the boy-that is, loaned him
my knife and watch key, and watched him
cut holes il the carpet with one and spoil the
other / don't know what l would have done
had it not been for that boy, he was SO good
10 attract ones attention you know.
1t is true he asked some very startling
questions, occasionally, such as this for in
stance "Are you goin' to court sister Emily"
but such things must be expected under such
circumstances.
Miss Emily, thinking, no doubt, that to be
n good hostess, she must keep her guest en-
gagged in conversation, asked me chow | liked
the country life," etc. She said that sit
must be beautiful sight to see the laborcrs.
both male and female, romping on the new
mown hay of Newyears day A; that she always
did think that she would like to spend
Christmas in the country nut gathering with
the village lads that it always had been
mystery 10 her how they got the eggs off the
trees without breaking them," etc
In return, l thought that to keep up my
part Of the conversation, it was necessary for
me to quote poetry and the like: which did
Among other quotations, l unfortunately re-
peated the we'll known lines of Shakespeare.
There is a divinity that shapcs ends,
Rough hew them as we will
At this juncture, the boy, who had pcrched
himself upon my knees, looked up very earn
estlv into my face and said divinity slap
cd the end Of your nose mighty GURUS" IN
certain that l blushed little / am very GER
tain that l wished somebody would spank
one of his-well, we talked of hills,
mountains, wales, cataracts-I believe l said
Of water falls, when the boy spoke up and
said ''Why sisters got trunk full of them
up>stars-pap says they are made outen boss
hair"
This revelation struck terror into me and
bushes into the checks Of my fair companion.
1t came to be very apparent to me that
must be very guarded in what | said, lest
said boy might slip in his remarks at uncailed
for places In fact turned all conversation
10 him I told him he ought to go home
with me, and see what nice chickens we ha6
in the country. Unluckily, [ mentioned
yoke of calves that my little brothers owned.
The word calves ruined all. The little fellow
looked up and said:
Sisters got a dozen Of en-, bu: she don't
wear 'cm only when she goes up in town
o'windy days"
'Ieave the room, you unmanncred little
wretch ~ exclaimed Miss Emily, 'lcave i'm
mediatcly."
81 know what you want me to leave for
replied he ''you can't fool me-you want to
set in that mans lap and kiss him Ike you
did Bill Simmons, the other day-you cant
fool me I'll just tell you. Gimme some candy
like he did, then Iii 60. You think be-
cause you've got the Grecan Bend that you're
smart: Guess I know thing or two! I'm
mad at you, anyhow, because pap would
give me new top yesterday, if it hadn't
gone ye! You needn't turn so red in your
face, cause l can't see it for the paint