The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1869-09-25
.IuSflce in New York.

Judge Bowling, of New York, loves praoti.
cal Joke. The other day man was before him,
charged with whipping his wife.
"How came he TO beat you p asked Judge
Bowling.
Underneath where we live at No. 40 Grand
street, there is dance house." explained the
wife. 81 was told my husband was there, and
took woman with me, and we went and
looked in"
"Was your husband there pursued the
Judge.
ayes, SIR"
'Dancing?"
Eyes sir'
"Did you go inside 2"
"No, sir; but my husband saw me, and soon
came up TO our own room, when he beat me and
smashed the furniture"
at was not proper place for her to Co."
spoke up the husband.
ut was proper place for you, I suppose z"
"-Any place is proper for mea."
"Do You really think so"
ayes sir
well, then, I'll send you TO the Pepitentiary
for three months
THERE is some drollery still extant among
the railroad conductors at least there is Q fat
conductor on the Philadelphia, Wilmington and
Baltimore road who seems TO cultivate that
quality. Qnite recently an old gentleman got
on the train At Chester bound South, without a.
ticket The conductor came along with com.
mendable alacrity and demanded the fare.
whats the fare - asked the aged.
Where are you goingy" asked the con-
ductor.
ITO h-ll !" replied the aged with anger.
"Then,' replied the conductor, give me
twenty-five cents and get off at Washington"
CaD,tal minis hmapt-Tap .bo,.a,d ,oo.
and nothing to do.
Young ladies who play croquet are known %
"maidens all for lawn"
An Irishman says he can see no reason why
women cannot become medical men.
Missrs are generally bachelors: they seem
averse to squandering even their affections.
Pat, on introducing his English friend into
row, said "Wheriver ye sees head, hit"
Il know by little what great deal means"
IS the gander said when he saw the tip of fox's
tail sticking out Of q hollow tree.
Mr.. Peppers house being on fire, large crowd
was soon on the spot, when one of them re.
marked: "We've musterd enough to save Pep
per-"
An old lady was asked what she thought Of
the eclipse. She replied: swell, it proved one
thing. and that is that the papers don't always
toll lies"
A lady recently sent to request female friend
to accompany her to Grace Church. The reply
came back Sorry, but I'm dressed for st.
Pauls"
SAMMY, run to the store, and get some su-
gar" Excuse me, ma I'm somewhat indis-
posed this morning. Send father. and tell him
IN hriur q pf tOhacoO olnuu
"The blessed man that preached for rs last
Sunday" said Mrs. Darlington, ''served the
Lord for thirty years-frst as n circus.rider,
then as locust.preacher, and Last as an ex-
hauster"
"Nineteen dresses in three days, and she said
last night that she could not go to the supper,
as she had not rag to her back" what did
Gussy sayY" "Why, that he could not 60 either,
as no had no coat to his stomach
THE following epitaph was written upon .
man who was possessed of large understand.
ing"
Here lies man of good repute,
Who wore a No. 1G boot.
IT'S not recorded how he died:
But sure it is, that opened wide
The gates of heaven must have boon
To let such monstrous feet within.
A physician, at Cape May, walking out with
q friend of his, said to him: "Let us avoid that
pretty little woman you there on the left.
She knows me, and casts on me looks CT indix-
nation. l attended her husband" 'Ah see
you had the misfortune to dispatch him." On
The contrary replied the doctor, II saved him.
Said male advocate OF woman's rights
"When am in a crowded car, and lady como,
IN, l think it is the duty Of some other man tc
get up and give her his seat. look around th,
Garlic see If any man in the crowd looks like
making move in that direction, and when