The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-03-27
VARIOUS ITEMS.

w
son never sets.
A poor woman can see more sympathy
in six-pence than in streams of tears.
Most of the shadows that cross our
path through life are caused by our
standing in our own light.
Why is a restless sleeper like law
yer? Because he lies on one side, then
he turns and lies on the other. ~
A Yankee doctor recently got up
remedy for hard times. 1t consists of
ten hours hard labor well worked in.
Why is it important for physician
to "keep his temper!" Because if he
did not, he would be apt to "lose his
patients"
gives it as his deliberate conviction that
ducks may lay eggs, but only geese lay
wagers. rp9if
1t is said president johnson will go
out of Office poor" Poor in reputationS
we surmise. According to Shakespeare,
this makes him indeed poor.
A clergyman "out W est" furnishes the
following novel epitaph, which We have
not seen before ~
Here lies the mother of children fye;u
Two are dead and three are alive.
The two that are dead preferring rather
To die with the mother than live with
the father.
Ananias B. Knott has obtained di-
vorce from his wife, in st. Louis, on the
ground of s'cruel and abusive treatment"
HI was Knott, her husband, and she was
Knott, his wife. Now she is not !; that
is to say, she is Knott, and he is divorced,
still he is Knott. Why not s.,
We do not, care not, and win not add
another knot to this knotty couple of
Knots
A windy orator, after lengthy effort,
stopped for drink of water.
81 rise" said Bloss, 'sto point of
order"
Everybody started, in wonder what the
point of order was Isl
sWhat is it p said the speaker.
81 think, SIR" said Bloss, sit is out
Of order for windmill to go by water.
By one decisive argument,
Tom gained his lovely Kate's consent
To fix the bridal day.
l shall not change my mind,' she said
s'But then," says he, II may"
A distinguished New York actress
lately introduced lawyer in company,
who was not at all backward in sounding
his own praise. M .s&
''He is a mighty smart man." an ac-
quaintance remarked soon afterwards,
"I know it," she replied; sshe told me
so himself"
A clergyman, who was consoling
young widow on the death Of her has
band, spoke in very serious tone, re-
marking that he was zone of the few.
Such jewel Of a Christian-you cannot
find his equal, you we'll know" Hg
To which the sobbing fair one replied,
with an almost broken heart, a.
"I'll bet will"
Are those bells ringing for fire ?" in
quircd Simon of Tiberius sz9
tsNo, indeed" answered Tibe: Gthey
have got plenty of fire, and the bells are
ringing for water" - 7s,ga4
"Did you ever know such mechanical
genius as my son 2" said an old lady.
"He has made a fiddle out Of his own
head, and has wood enough for another"
It is better to have strength of princi-
pie than mere muscle, but better yet to
have both. A man who is strong In ia
tellect and instep is on the best terms
with nature and the world.
There is 2 place down in Virginia
where old maids never get to be over
thirty-five. They live up to that age
and then go back to TWENTY-FIVE and SO
finally go out Of the world as fresh and
fair as pumpkin blossom. :. 4
Swift, who reasoned upon the folly of
the dread of death, sums up thus l"It is
impossible that anything SO natural, SO
necessary, and SO universal as death,
should ever have been designed BY Prov
idence as an evil to mankind."
The woman who marries for money is
not overstocked with delicacy. s%e