The Portland daily press., 1869-08-23
Gossip and GleaningS.

Tom Corley says, snake yourself good
man, and then you may be sure there is one
rascal less in the world.''
| The first thing Adam planted in the gar
| den-his foot.
. You can always find O sheet of water on
the bed of the ocean.
| What people can never live long nor wear
| great coats? Dwarfs.
"A boy who heard the quotation:-"A lit
tie learning is a dangerous thing" wished to
stop going to school because he was afraid he
should not live long enough to get past the
dangerous point:
"A specimen of Young America on his first
drunk was seen the other evening, leaning
against lamp-post. He was heard to sollo-
quize ,thusly; Gas a (hic) drinkist L amt
much; but as pukeist (hic) am success
ist"
-Ike's last trick was to throw Mrs. Parting
tons gaiter in the alley, and call the old lady
down from the third floor to see an alley-gaiter.
-Siebenbas could never inspire Lenette with
Iyfiiccal enthusiasm of love in which she could
forget heaven AMI earth; and evervthing else.
She could count the strokes Of the clock be-
tween his kisses, and could listen and run off
to the saucepan that was boiling over, With al,
the big tears in her eyes which he had pressed
out of her melting heart by a touching story
or q sermon. She accompanied in her
devotion the Sunday hymns which echoed
loudly from the neighboring apartments, and
in the midst of q verse she would interweave
the prosaic question-"What shall warm up
for supper?" And he could never Danish
from his remembrance that once, when she
was quite touched, and listening to his cabinet
discourse upon death and eternity, she looked
at him thoughtfully, but tcaards his feet, and
at length said, "Don't put on the left stocking
tomorrow, must dnrn ii. t.'-American paper.
-Profane swearing has always seemed to be
most voluntary sin. Most erring people
when they do wrong count npou some good to
be derived from their conduct; but for profan-
ity there is no excuse.
-Ifa man could only secure the permanence
Of the love of flirt, who is firt by ma
ture, he would be the happiest of husbands.
She would never lose those little coy tender
nesses and affectations which make the tenn
porary Irritation with her so dangerously
charming. Sometimes it actually does happen
that the professional flirt is caught and do
mesticated; but, as rule she loses the de-
licious freshness of her manner, its piquancy
and Toint.-7enlple Bar
Two darkies of Augusta, Ca, went out To
fight duel the other day, but while thev vera
shaking with pistols in their hands, sbrewd
old negro present, after examining tbs ebal-
lenge and acceptance, called o halt remarkinr.
"Dem dar papers amt fix I'M 'cord;n 4, de
code, and dis dam foolshness is bout TO git
some Niger into jail;' whereupon the bellig-
erents calculated, each to his second, Tank
dc Lord!' and went home.
To sleep soundly, and to feel rested and re-
freshed when you wake up OH morning, says
H,,re .yo,,saal of Health, four things are essen
.;,1.1 % TO bed with feet thoroughly dry
and warm. q Take nothing for supper but
so,,,e cold bread and butter and a single cup
Of weak warm tea of any kind. 8. Avoid over
fatigue Of body. L. For the hour preceding
bedtime, dismiss every engrossing subject
from the mind, and let it be employed about
something soothing and enivening in cheer
full thankiulness.
An ignorant fellow, who was about to get
married, resolved to make himself perfect in
the response of the marriage service, but by
mistake he committed the Office of baptism for
those of riper years; so when the clergyman
asked him in the church, "Wht thou nave TINS
woman to be thy welded wife! the pride-
groom answered in solemn tone, 1 renounce
them ALL The astonished minister said, II
think you are a fool" to which he replied, "Al
this 1 steadfastly believe"