The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1869-08-07
THE MINER.
Written for the Advocate.
THE COAL COMPANY'S AGENT.
CHAPTER III.
IN WHICH You NINE COAL.

CHAPTER III.
IN WHICH You MINE COAL.
When you shipped the first train Of cars,
Mr.. Stirring, numbers Of your city friends
were present by invitation. These drank
brandy 70 do honor 20 the great occasion,
and couple Of the madcaps, went 50 far in
this business as to get 80 much excited that
they took the immense liberty Of forcing
about half pint Of this notorious LIQUID
down your total sbstinanced throat. This
was q serious matter, worse than assault and
battery. 1t made you jolly at first, then sad
and then serious, and then grevious, and
then peculiarly afflicted and then you fell
asleep; you woke-you know where and
when-distracted with a headache, and with
an utterly miserable sensation of vacancy ia
the region Of your stomach. You remember
those two madcsps and that half pint Of Ii
quor to this day. Such gross outrage you
had never been made the subject Of before !;
you never intend anything of the kind to
happen to you again. But then they did il
in their excess Of JOY it was a demonstra-
ton in your favor that many would have
been proud of. / could mention a hundred
instances where men holding positions iden-
teal to your own have not been allowed to
return to reason for a week after the celebra-
ton of such an important event as the ship
ping Of the virgin train Of cars from q new
coal field.
After this, Mr.. Stirring, things went on
prosperously with you. At the end of the
third year, after your arrival in the noun
tains, your coal corporation was a great af-
fair. Your coolydemented president was gain
ing a notorious reputation in the coal world
OF New York city as a coal king his advice
was sought after on all important questions
concerning this black substance. This de-
generated leather merchant, so lately lameu-
tably demented a coal mania with, which
be had bored rybody, some SO much that
they subscribed several thousands of dollars
for the express purpose Of getting rid Of him
= say tins &c mEnted president was gainir z
an envious popularity by some be was IL
oniZed. At this time you were in possession
Of four large breakers Your produce was
two thousand tons 10 each full days work.
The money that bad been Ndvsrced to Iur-
nish the improvements at the mines togeth-
er with the railroad branches, had been re-
embursed, as was also the purchase money.
Large revenues wers in prospect; the stock
Of your company WAS becoming select; shares
SelOOm CDu0RcO uh0uH, anu WHICH tUcy OlU
they brought high premiums.
This prosperity raised for you profound
respect, Mr.. Stirring, and your salary was
advanced to maintain it, aud as . token oil
appreciation, from three thousand 10 four
thousand dollars per anDum. Had you not
been so callous in your nature you would
have asked for an advance for Crooks, but
Crooks asked you for the modest advance OF
five hundred dollars, and thus forestalled any
voluntary disposition you might have had in
regard TO forwarding his interests 10 this d.
rection. There was much consultation over
this FIVE hundred dollars some Of the hoard
Of directors thought two thousand dollars n
large sum to be expended on = man Of
Crooks appearance. After much discussion
the president-who had had those sharp
eyes Of his for some time on CrOokS-gAve
bis voice in his favor; this decided the
question. Your trl1e of an advance had
been awarded without the least opposition !;
SO much more is due to broadcloth import
ance than there was to merit and usefulness
when these are encased in old clothes and
covered over with coal dust. | wish to be
thus particular with your history in order to
show YOU the immense difficulties you have
had to overcome before you reached to your
present height Of popularity and respecta-
bility. As for Crooks, poor fellow, be has
had trials too; but were not his trIfing SER
vices well rewaI ded with half your salary ?
There was no comparison between your du.
ties and his; you drudged in that nonoto-
nous office from morning till night the week
round. lie had the satisfaction Of walking
leisurely about the works, nights As well ~
days sometimes when any accident occurred
to the mines, or to the machinery. He used
to have bis hair-breadth escapes, but what
Of that. He just barely escaped the Satisfac-
ton once Of being blown up BY premature
discharge of blast in rock work. Another
time be enjoyed rap on the bead from a
lump Of coal as it fell from between the 0sg-
gings over tie collars in one Of the gang
ways. II Il his greasy, leather hSt, and
slit his scalp, from which slit the blood ran,
till he felt giddy from It's loss. At az other
time he was treated by way Of variety, 70 a;
fail Of several feet down a schultz In this
instance he was taken home inseusible, wlthj
nearly all the life shaken out Of him his
foolish wife was silly enough to shed tearsl
on this occasion. Women sometimes are sd
tender hearted the more the pity, DOOR
things, when misiortunes happen 10 those.
they love. | believe there are those of the.
other SEX who would rather Gle themseIvesa
than see their husbands brought home \
corpse from coal mine. say from mA
heart, Mr. Stirring, God bless such unfortu!
Dately organized people. You do not resl
pond to my prayer, sir, am sorry again OF
your account you have lost all your heart
if we are all Ike you say God save us il
prosperity. .-.r rr.
We will return again to your personal hisl
tory, Mr.. Stirring. see impatience stamped
on The surface Of your immobile featurs
while digress. We will leave Crooks II
take care Of himself, and cOn6ne ourselves
more to your broadcloth Importance. ] SEA
this is more satisfactory to your taste.
7. Ii. w.
Ashland, Pa, June 1860