The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-11-26
LOT 217.

ness For the second time Any advance
on two guin- For the third and last
time-going at two guin-ness!"
Rapl
"Name, if you please, sir?"
'"John Trumway,n | said, for the lot
was mine.-Lot 217. Whatever made me
buy the lotp am sure l didn't want it.
/ am afraid am one of those great grown
up children who are not safe to be trusted
out with money in their pockets, unless
coppers. The coins in my purse always
leap up with frantic desire to buy every
thing see, and the result is, that no mat
ter what sum go out with, always come
home penniless.
What on earth could want now with
a secondhand, patent fire-proof, powder
proof, bomb-proof, thiefproof, iron safe,
constructed to resist fifty-burglar-powe
(nominaD, case-hardened, undrillable, un-
pickable, to be sold at bargain, owing to
the key being lost, and the only man who
knew how to make another having gone
to sleep with his fathers? When / re-
flected about my purchase, l began to feel
quite hot. There is no doubt it was a bar
gain, or might have been, to somebody;
but then, patent, unpickable iron safes
with the key lost, and owner proof, as well
|
however cheap. had cold, creeping
doubt if they were mine. While the auc-
tioneer was describing it, and the people
all round the room were yearning for it
in bids, / seemed to see many remarkable
qualities emanating from the safe, like
perspiration, so that its acquisition ap-
peared to me then peculiarly desirable.
her people seemed similarly affected,
for its value increased momently. Some
ten or dozen persons had all in turn de-
sired to be its fortunate possessor, and all
at increased rates. The man who bid
forty shangs" certainly must have seen
his way to turn the safe to account, or
why have bid forty shangs" at all? And
if So, of course l. was plain there
must be way TO turn it to
account, and one which a few mo-
ments' quiet reflection apart from the
excitement of the saleroom, would doubt
less reveal. 1t was something of this feel
ing made me bid the "two guineas," or,
it may be, the vaguer conviction that here
was an object suddenly become extreme
| ly desirable to a number of my fellow
creatures, which evoked corresponding
and enviOus desire in my own breast. But
now that the thing was mine, all the
latent value which had before perspired
1 IL
seemed absorbed again into its shamefully
rusty iron siies-it had become misera-
bic hundred weight of useless old iron
and l loathed the very sight of it, espe-
cially when 1 thought of Mrs. Trumway.
Ny wife is not o woman of many words;
| by no means the kind of woman verbally
to upbraid me for buying ipconvertible
bargains, and she has had previous Op-
portunIties for so doing, if so disposed.
Mrs Trumway never says anything. She
didn't when l once bought two hundred
weight of puffy, bloated cheeses at two
pence per pound, and sold portions after
wards to some poor people l Snew-as
kindness-at a trifling profit, and made
them all very poorly, and got summoned
/! before the m gistra:es, and fined for sell
ing cheese unfit for human food, and lost
cheese, temper, reputation, and "a los.
No; at such times Mrs. Trumway makes
no remark; she only shifts. But the
amount of meaning conveyed by one OF
Mrs. It's shifts is voluminous-nay, ency-
clopadic 1t means, 40 dear, yes; L knew
how 'twould be. You've been at it again, !
have you: Been out with your money In
your pocket, and come home with nothing
but your pocket left? Just like water in a
colander; the colander don't run away
more's the pity. No; it's always ready
for more. And here am l, pinching and
screwing, and saving money, and allowanc-
ing the house down to one box of 'Tand-
stickers' a week, and you going fOOling
money away like this. Remonstrance,
John, isperfectly useless. l have awaked
to the conclusion that have married an
| incorrigible idiot but l don't complain.
No; noodle you may be, but am your
affectionate wife, Martha Trumway." 1t
means far more than this it means every
recriminatory epithet, which a naturally
sensitive person, like me, can apply to
himself, after making the pleasing dis
covery that he has taken himself in.
went home to dinner, which had been
waiting an hour l said nothing about
my purchase. There was small sniff-a
very small one-expressive OF, It's not at
all, unlikely, John, though, mind, don't
accuse you of it without evidence (; but
now come to consider, it's rather more
likely han not that you've something on
your mind, and nothing in your purse"
| After Inner, | escaped up stairs to my
study. In the evening / saw it coming |
up my garden-path on pair of trucks |
| Should i go down? No; l reflected; |
would not 90 down. How detested the |
thing now 1t didn't look worth half |
| crown. vFI |
"Yes," I heard the servant say in
answer to the man with the trucks; "this |
is Mr. Trumway's"
SOS this" said the man; and l wish |
him ioy of It, and shouldn't mind glass |
of beer to wish it him in"
Which conversation had the effect of |
bli aging out Mrs. T. Her comprehensive /
miBt must have taken in the situation at a |
| glance.
Where is this from" she asked the
man. |
From the saleroom, m"
John" 1t was the voice of my affec- |
tomato wife addressed to her husband. |
Have you been buying anything at a
sale?"
40 dear, yes" said /, calling down |
stairs. "Didn't tell you? It's Att
safe"
Although two pair of stairs separated |
me from the partner OF my bosom, was |
aware of the sniff which succeeded, and |
implied 40 yes; you're quite right, my |
man; this is Mr. Trumways. You |
needn't be afraid you've mistaken the |
house. There isn't such another man in
the neighborhood as lives at No. 49," But |
loud, she proceeded, "Quite right /; |
brisp it in, please" John Do you
wish the man to leave it in the passage ?"
sniff {being interpreted): Cor would /
Ike it taken into the drawing-room, or
laced on the dressing table of the spare
room perhaps, or on the study mantel-
iece?"
l thought it better to go down stairs.
O, leave it in the passage" said. mo
one will steal it."
40 dear, mo-" said my wife with little
smile. "No one will steal it; that's quite
certain" admit it was not a seductive
looking object now i
When we were alone, Mrs. Trumway
asked me what l intended to do with the
safe, which was the very question l had
teen asking myself ever since returning
from the sale
"What do intend doing with it my
dearr" l repeated, to gain time "Why
-yes-ah THAT is-do with it? Why, 4
open it, of course"
She shifted sniff equal to two columns
of printed matter. Although my answer
was not premeditatcd, didn't think it al
together a bad notion. Accordingly, for
the next two or three weeks my house be-
came the constant resort of blacksmiths
whitesmiths, locksmiths, and people in the
engineering way, all of whom, however,
failed utterly in the attempt to open the
unpickat,le, undrillable fire and thief
proof, Lot 217 They fairly owned it
beat them. / wanted the safe opened,
however, for the reason that being
opened, it might become an article per-
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