Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-11-12
alnmnrpna.

.aung oira tuf is sweet Singing
WuAr did our first parents do in Eden
Adam kept the garden and Eve raised Cain.
IFyou uast your ueighbers to know all
lbou, you,n Give party aud don't invite the
folks ',who live next door.
A picture Of despair-a pig reaching
through a hole in the fence to get cabbage
that lies a few inches out II his reach.
Az editor, abiding to the demand for fe
male suffrage, female doctors aud female
clergymen, remarks that another female waut
presents itself-that Of femsle ,0omen.
JOSH BiLL1Nes says; whenever l find
real handsome woman in The wimmin rights
business, then am going to take my hat
ander my arm and jiue the procession. ~
"MABRAor, said an unfortunate husband,
is the cburchyard Of love. And you
nen," replied bis wife, "are the grave dig
gers
"WHAz do you propose to take for your
cold r said lad, to sueeziug gentleman
oh, III sell it very cheap-I won't higgle
about the price at all
PUTTING aud blowing are often considered
as Synonymous terms. You will discover a
difference, however, If instead Of putting
man up, you should blow him up.
TuE last case Of Incidence is related IN a
New YurS journal; 1, is that o. man named
John Hole, who was so lazy that in writing
his name, be simply used the letter j., aud
hen punched a hole through the paper.
AaiAaLe mother Here, Tommy, Is some
nice caster oil. with orange peel in il" Doc
ior Vow, remember, don't give it all 10
Tommy; leave some for me. Tommy (who
had been there bef're:l Doctors nice
man; give it all to the Doctor!"
MARX TwAM thinks that soda water is not
reliable for a steady drink 1t is too gassy.
Tie next morping after drinking thirty eight
bottles, be found himself fail Of gas aud as
tight as a balloon. BE had rot an article Of
elet1iug that he could wear but bis umbrella.
RUuNG PAsIoy.-An editor out west be
came martial and was created captain. On
parade, instead of two PAGES in front-ad-
yaree, be unconsciously exclaimed: Cash
two dollars year IN advance He was
courtmartialed aud sentenced to read his own
newspaper.
A FAcEuogS gentleman of Williamsburg,
Mass, diued upon tough fowlin Boston ho
rel, asked the landlady whgre the fowl came
from. She replied that it came from Wit
iiamsburg. Impossible" exclaimed the
gentleman, 'for the tcun hssn Mt beea ineor-
oornted over forty years"
A GIaL, keeper of a toll-gate in England,
was asked by swell velocipedist how much
he had TO pay. That, SIR. replied she,
depends on whether You ride through the
gate, or whether you get IF your dandy horse
and drag /, through; because in that case.
very two. wheeled vehicle, drawn by horse
or an ass, pays three-pence."
~ LITTLE more animation, my dear,
wdispered Mrs. A. to the gentle Susan, who
was walking anguidly through quadriIle.
DO leave me to manage my own business.
msmma. replied the prudeut nymph. 81
~haIl not dance my riuglets out Of curl for d
married man 'Of course not. my love,
bul vas not aware who your partner was.
A sXART old lady was she who, at Portland
Maine, last week, was seen on q railroad
rack a short distance before the traia. The
engineer whisled aid rang the bell, but tc
81
-he was euceremouiousIy seated on the COW
catcher When the train completely stopped
,he alighted. and very pleasantly sald to the
engineer, Il heard your whistle, but thought
st was from a tugboat. am much obliged
o you for stopping.
A STORY is told Of tie late storm. which
runs as follows: An old gent with his aged
wife tried to escape from the food which sur
rounded his house aud stable by wading, bur
his wifes strength aud resolution were MOI
-qual TO the task, so he helped her up into
tree and made his way alone to knoll ,
,hort distanc. away Here be stood, lament
iug his situation in this wise "Oh! If | only
lad nay wife here [ wouldn't valley giving 6y,
dollars And there the pig: | d give ter
dollars this minnit if be is only safe
\ NEw SPgcrMgN. Mark Twain tells Z
capital story. Here is one Of his best
Zone day when and my brother wentintC
The woods, he shot 3 chicken hawk and
crow. aud while We were lo.Hpg in the shad,
under tree, be pulled the tai's ont Of tn,
birds, aud then. tooHag round and talking
he finally built The crows taii into the chick
en- hawks transom. When We saw what 4
neat JOB it was. we thought we would keep il
When we go, home. we we're late for supper
aua just dropped il oa he porch and rushed
in. We had a SOFT Of sneaking hote that the
old man ard our uncle would get bit with il
anyway. because they were always pouerug
over geology or natural history. or something
hey did not know anything about. White
we we're a. supper, they came along and
found the bird. and we beard them DISCUSSING
it and talking all sorts of astonishment Di
rectly he old man came in-having The birC
by she leg aud says:
Boys, where did you get this bird?"
''Shot him in the woods. sir.
Did you ever come across any other birds
like this around here ?'
No sir this is the frst."
Boys, do you know what you've done
You've discovered something hat viii make
you known everywhere. The bird is new
species"
And be walked out, and We heard him anC
uncle conclude that they would liable it Will
their own names and send il TO Professor
Hagenbrum, at Albany. Pretty soon. though
tbe old nan took hold Of the tail aud it pulle,
nut, and ee heard both OF them swear a little
When we came cut the bird was lying on ont
side IF the fence aud the tail on the other
We did not dare To laugh not to let on abou
overhearing their talk either.
Bat about month after this, there cam,
along one of the rAttiest specimens Of a bo,