The Van Buren press., 1869-05-18
h An Unpleasant Situation,


very bashful. is too bashfu! in truth. He
VISA horn and raised in the country. His
father gave him good education and al
lows HIM plenty of money. But John with
all other sttainments, never could sccustom n
himself to female society, not because he
did not like the girls, but because his ma
ture would not permit him to associate
with the fair sex. 1t once happened, not
very long ago iether. that Johns father had
some very important business to transact
in the city lie also had somo very par
ticular business to attend to at home. which
demanded his personal attention, and not
possessing the power OF ubiquity, he dele
gated his son John to transact that in the
city.
John being thus commissioned. imme.
diately proceeded to the city and to the resi-
dsncu OF his fathers old friend. whom he
found to be very nice old gentleman. with
a beautiful daughter and gold spectacles.
John was ushcrsd into the parlor "a new
thing for him) and motoned to scat-no,
q sofa (another new thing
But we must use his own language !
took my seat and made observations. Ev-
erythng was fine Fine carpets. fine sofas,
fine tables. fine curtains. fine books. fine
pianos. fine everything. and especially fine
young lady who was dressed in fno silk.
fine satin, and who had fine curls. and fine
appearance generally. After chatting with
the old gentleman a few minutes. he took
down his hat, told me to make myself at
home for an hour OF two. and lef.-leit NE
alone with his daughter and small mis-
ehievous boy. the young lsdy's brother. l
didn't relish the situation at all. The idea
of keeping city belle engaged in converse.
tion for two perditi,n! Silence
reigncd in the parlor for short time. you
may bet. amused myself as much as
possible with the boy-that is, loaned
him my knife and watch key. land watched
him cut holes in tho carpet with one. and
spoil the other. don't know what would
have done had il not been for that boy--he
was 80 good to attract ones attention. you
know.
1t 10 true he asked some startling quss-
tions occasionally, such as this. for in
stance: "Arc you gon' to court sister
Emily :" but such things must be expect.
cd under sueV circumstances.
Miss Emily. thinking, no doubt. that to
be good hostess she must her guests en-
gage in conversation, asked me how
liked country life." etc. She said that /" it
must be beautiful sight to see the laborers
male and female, rompng on the new
mown hay on New Years day that she
always did think she would like to srend
Christmas in the country a nut.gathering
with the villcg &c lads and lasses that it had
always been mystery to her how they got
eggs off the trees without breaking them"
In return. l thought. 10 keep up my part
Of the conversation, IL was necessary for
me to quote poetry and the like. which l did.
Among other quotations. l unfortunately
repeatcd tho well known lines Of Shake.
speare: ,,,>..
" There is divinity that shapes our ends.
Roughhew them Eow we will"
~ Al this jancture the boy, who had perch
cd himself upon my knee. looked very
earnestly and said:
Divinity shaped the end Of your nose
mighty Gurus"
I'm certain that ! wished somebody
would spank the young rascal. We talked
OF hills, mountains, wales. cataracts-l be.
licve said waterfalls. when the boy spoke
up and said:
Why sisters got . trunk full OF 'em
up stairs pap says they arc made out OF
hoss hair"
This revelation struck terror into me and
bushes into the cheeks Of my fair compan-
ion.
1t began to be very apparent to me that
must be very guarded in what l said. lest
said boy might slip in his remarks at un
called.for places /; in fact | turned my con-
versation to him. / told him he ought to
20 home with me. and see what nice chick
ems 10 la in the country. Unluckily
mentioned yoke Of calves my brothers
owned. The word calves ruined oil. The
little fellow looked up and said
Sisters get . dozen Of 'em. but she
don't weaa EN- only when she goes up in
town Of windy days"
Leave tho room, unmannerly little
~retch!'' exclaimed Emily. /" leave immed.
iatelv!"
"I know what you want to have me
leave for" replied he /; You can't fool me
you want to set in that mans lap and kis
him like you did Bill Simmons the othe'
day-you can't fool me. I'll jes' tell you
Gimme some candy like he did ; then III
20. You think bccsuse you We got the Gree
ian that you're smart. Guess know 4
thing or two am mad at you, anyhow.
cause pap would bought me top yester-
day, il it hadn't been for your getting them
curls, doggone ycrl You needn't turn SC
rcd in the face. cause can't see the paint
There ain't no use in wnking at me with
that glass eye O. yourn, cause l amt 60
ing out'n here, now that's what's the mat
ter with the purpt. ! don't care il you ara
twcnty.eight years old, you aiu't no boss o
mine, you old tool
That ia all Of the story that John rcla'
ted. lie says he don't know how he so
out Of the scrapc.
Too BAD.-Miss Betsy Pearl is "fair
fat, aud for" and unmarried She man
ages to obtain an honest and comfortable
Living by keepiag small shop Of "notioms.
She Is . spruce old woman. aud among
other articles vsnds spruce bser. Ono eve
ming . customer called for glass Of tn