Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1869-01-14
Number 9.
lfrom the Springfield Repablie.I
. q A D RACK JONES,
AND WHAT BECAME OF HIM
By BURR LEsKE, ESQ.


Reader-You do not know Shadrack
Jones. Iii well. 1t would do you no
good. Whether it would do him any
good depends upon who you are-you
know. All the enchantment there was
about s. Jones was lent--on short time
at two per cent. a monthly dis
lance He was youth but not an ar
Dent one. He was not good looking.
de did not possess an ample forehead;
neither did he have keen eye; neither
did ne have such thing as five dol
lar bill about his person; neither lid he
have wife. =.
And that was the peculiar ailment
that most seriously afflicted him.
He wasn't soldier. He didn't rush
to arms at the call of his country. If
we may be allowed the. expression-it
was mary rush, In fact, nobody
ever saw him on the rush. It is too
true that he never was con it."
That was another thing that allied
him.
Jones wasn't exactly patriotic, dur
ing the war. He used to remark that
he didn't care continental for the
Government or for the country, bus8e
was very particular about the constitu-
ton. He said if he should go gushing
around about the flag. and go into the
army, and go to dying for liberty, it,
would be apt to destroy his own perso-
nal individual constitution, and as it
was the only one he had left, he stated
very positively that he shouldn't gush!
And he didn't.
What miserable cu-reature he was
Ito be sure!
Wasn't he, thought
But, although Shadrack Jones-with
all his moral (and immoral) turpitude
about him and he aDoald make state
ments of an inexactitudinous nature,
and he mould buy hats, and coats, and
lewelry, and things, when the store
keepers weren't in, and he aOouId make
a great show of selling real estate. when
he didn sell FIVE dollars worth in
half-century, and only looked. round in
peoples houses to freeze to- spoons y
but we might as we'll begin this sem
tence again.
But, although (as we before re-,
marked, Shadrack Jones, with all his.
DC, &c, as aforesaid, wouldn't go to
war, he had sort of predilection for
fighting, at close quarters, too, and so
he made strike in the direction of mat.
rimony.
1t was good enough for him. Too
good enough, perhaps.
But we shall see--if we live to get
to the end of this anecdote-which is
doubtful.
Those beautiful words -"Who will
care for mother now?" never reyerber-
ated along the chambers of his wooden
brain. He said he didn't see anything
about the old woman worth caring for.
And he was mighty right She was
neither virtuous, beautiful nor happy
Jones went for widow by the name
of Brown. And the widow went for
him, with the mop. He had incident
ally remarked to Mrs. Brown that he
intended to marry her in about week,
and suggested to her that she had bet
ter get her duds ready.
She didn't like the way he put it,
There was neither poetry nor romance
nor nonsense about it. 1t was too prac-
tical--too cold blooded. She was an
airy, delicate, frail, genteel, sloshy,
gushing sort of creature, and when
the rudeness of Shadrack's assault had
fzzled gently away, she and the mop
went at him in this wise:
"You' poor, miserable, disgusting,
Shiny, reptillious, creeping, Gravity,
snakish copperhead brute. You bur-
glarious old -whacking butternut.
You sneaking snakist of unconsidered
trifes. You played out personifcation
YOU! p"
The fairy-like creature then faltered
.slammered-and burst into tears
AS she weighes full two hundred
pounds, about $4,000 rather bulky
tears were realized from her person
We counted them on the spot-whieh
was a grease spot.
AS the cloud of vapor was caught
and condensed and her constituent
parts collected into their original form,
in tone moistened and softened by
emotion, she continued
"But if you will get saw and BUCK
and earn a dollar and half to pay the
expenses of the wedding, | will place
my gentle head upon your devoted bo-
som and wewill gently glide down the
stream of time, as it were, on fiat
boat"
Gentle reader, to-day, in gorgeous,
one-story shanty, frescoed on the inte-
rior walls with coal smoke and fly
specks, and ornamented on the exterior
with oak boards, inlaid with tenpenny
nails, and surrounded by avastexpanse
If territory owned by other people,
stands Mrs. Shadrack Jones nee, the
Widow Brown.
Near the front entrance of this mag
lifeent suburban mansion, standing be-
,ween two figures which the great
Land-seer should have sesn-a COW and
4 hog, got up in the highest style oil
he art, with real hair on, except in SO
much as pertains to the hog, in ss Whcss
case the hair was, ratherstiff and would
be more properly termed bristies' is
Jones. sumptously arrayed in pair OF
shoes and stumpy old tobacco pipe,
,nnearance Beside him is a saw-buck,
n his bis right hand saw, and he is wait
mo- for load of wood to come along.
let him wait. If he can stand it we
can.
For further particulars inquire at
lews depots.
e< "Gentlemen," said candidate
n the far West, after having given his
entiments on the Constitution, the
donroe doctrine and such ike topics