Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1869-10-20
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

SENSE AND NONSENSE.
The hardshiPs of the oceah-irOn-
clads.
A whole in a mans proft--a large
rent.
The vessel no woman objects to EN-.
bark On-a court ship.
A corn extractor that has never
been paten,ed-the crow.
Somebody SAYS the Mississippi has
raised one foot. Wher !, raises the
other it will probably run.
Set watch overthy mouth, and keep
the door Of thy lips; for tale bearer
Is worse than a thief-Scriptuye
A Yew York paper says Tom Thumb
drinks. IL he does bis wife has at least
one eonsolation-he don't hold much
Many Of the richest planters 10
Jamaica live on coffee grounds. They
claim to have the best grounds for so
doing.
Base all your actions upon a prinei.
pie Of right, preserve your integrity of
character, aud, doing this, never rcek.
on the cost.
If you 20 into store and find the
proprietor lying Oh the counter asleep.
you may bet your boots that he don't
advertise.
A husband can readily foot the bills
Of a wife who is not afraid Of being
seen footing the stockings Of her hus.
band.
Actions are said TO speak louder
than words, but il is certain they don't
make so much noise. Quiet people
therefore prefer them.
The Chinese have a saying that an
unlucky word dropped from tho tongue
cannot be brought back by coach and
SIX horses.
A Boston gentleman has invented a
rat trap which kills the animal instant
ly. throws its body in the air, and sets
itself for another victim.
A medical student SAYS he has never
been able 20 find the bone Of conten
ton, and desires TO know whether il
is not situated very near the jaw bone.
Brigham Young's last proposition is
a legislative "stunner" He proposes
to e0ndne himself to one woman. If
every member Of Congress docs the
same.
Two printers named Goldsmith.
brothers, at Nevada, California, have
become heirs 10 SIS, 900. left them bv
an uncle who recently died at Yalpa-
raiso.
In Sweden the brakesmen on the
railways are instructed in surgery and
bandaging. Some Of the Pennsylvania
railways might proftably follow the
same plan.
An editor down cast has insulted
the whole female sex. lie saws that
the ladies wear oorsets from feeling
Of instinct, having 4 natural love for
being squeezed
Men pay most to lawyers, less TO
doctors, and least 10 clergy; valuinp
property before health, and the health
Of their bodies more than the cure OF
their souls.
There IS a lady in Sutton. New
York, who was married at the age Of
twelve yesrs, who is the mother Of
sixteen children, weighs 2lO pounds,
and Is fair, fat and forty
A reliable gentleman reports that
an intimate friend Of his has distant
relative who made such a short turn
on the velocipedo that he cut of his
own car BY running his hind wheel
over it.
A lady was urged By her friends to
marry a widower, and as an argument
they spoke Of bis two beautiful chill.
dren. "Children,' replied the lady.
are Ike toothpicks-a person wants
her own
"lf there is anybody under the can.
lister Of heaven that ] have in utter
excrescence,' said Mrs Partineton.
1T is TIE slanderer, going about like
boy-c0nstructor. circulating his
calomel upon honest folks"
Should misfortune ovcrtake Won.
retrench-work harder-but never nv
the track-couiront difficulties with
unfinching perseverance,. Should vou
then fail, you viii be honorcd; but
shrink, and you'll be despised.
@Ma, has Aunt Jane got bees in her
mouth o "No, my son, why DO YOU
ask such a question g. because. /
heard Mr. Brown tell her that be
would take the honey from her lips.
and be was so long about it that /
wondered that be did not get stungi ?"
a htile boy-met his Sabbath school
teacher, and innocently asked her II
TO say "cofcriam~ was swearing. She
replied, No, my dear; what makes you
ask that question 81 His answer was.
III saw an Old COW down the street
/ youdcr, she was nearly choked 10 death.
and ! thuughi she would cod- er. dam
head Of
"Gcntlemcn, said a candidate in
the far West, after giving bis senti.
ments on the"Constiiution. The uMon.
roe Doctrine, and such ike topics
gentlemen" and be pat bis hand on
the rcgion Of his heart, "these are my
sent.ments-the sentiments Of gen
ueman, OF an honest man-aye. an
honest politicians bat, gentlemen and
tellow-eitiEeus, il they don't suit you