The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1869-08-09
Fact and Fancy.

d IL b. d g -
An object Of attraction-A magnet.
Sure cure for ofice-see seekers-Sinecurcs.
The "bump Of destruciveness"-A
railway collision.
Tho Weekly Dispatch-sending tho
dirty linen to wash.
How to take things coo'y-Put ice in
them.
How to keep your wife in check
Dress her in gingham.
Singular-To sec a garden walk. More
singular-To see horse fly.
Govern your thoughts when alone, and
tongue when in company.
The way to offend everybody isto try
and please everyone.
A dandy inquired at fruit STALL
"Are those apples fit for a hog to eat!'
"Try 'em aud sce,' said the woman.
Men, likokuives, got dull by much and
hard using. Each has to be sharpened or
put upon the retired list.
Why are your nycs like friends scpara-
ted by distant climcs? They correspond,
but never meet. iA griH
Who was the strongest. man /? Jonah ;
the whale couldn't hold him after be got
him down. IN
WHAT'S stronger in death than in life |?
Some Of the Spring Chickens" they sell
in market. si4
The dandy who makes tho greatest
flourish isn't always in the most flourish
ingcondition. tlg
Why is the inside of everything unin-
tcHigible? Because We can't make it
out. i5aS !
sd
shutup, said the carpenter to now
door. rllbe hanged if i do, was the re-
ply. af d
Billings says:-Thcrc is many who are
cut out for smart men, but won't pay for
making up. ] 80
When did tho alphabet get into \ row ?
When Abet, BIT, D cried, N ragged,
q bit, and \ pounded. q
A Meridian dentist recently had the
skull Of an Indian. sent him from tho
West labeled "teeth wanted"
1t is said thatunder tile new system Of
cxtrac'inr alcohol from garbage, palata.
bic article Of beer may be made from old
boots. ai.s. y g5
The chap WHO took the thread Of life to
sew the rent Of a house, has gone West
and invented apatent point for cross.eyed
needles.
=
'Jim.' said one youngster to another
on the Fourth, "lend me two cents, will
yer! II got up SO early thet spent all
my money before breakfast. I didn't
think the day was going to be 50 long"
During the recent freshet in Connecti.
cut, a Waterburyeditor telegrapcd anoth-,
cr at the neiofiaction-s'Send me full
particulars of the food.' The answer
came back "a You will find them in Gen.
csis." Sss.fsiis,a ,ei
Look on aandcrers as direct enemies to
civil society; as persons without honor,
honesty or humanity. Whoever enter.
tains you with tho faults Of Others, de-
signs to serve you in similar manner.
Society is like the ocean. Everything
light floats. Brilliant, snowy men and
women dance on the surface. The think,
ing, working solids build and delve be-
meath the surface.
The following are said to be among the
slgns over the shops Of traders at Fort
Smith, Arkansas So Calnplein and
burning aewed," "Ches Nuts Billed and
Roar, "cain sect cheers l,eserected hear"
irohin, aud gviu out doin dais
worg dun llcre.' lr.1
A gentleman WHO recently travelled
over a Western railroad, declared his o6pn.
loti that il is tue sufest road in the coun.
try, as the superintendent keeps d boy
running ahead Of the train to drive offtbe
cows aud sheep.
a chap from tile country, stopping at
one Of the city hotels, sat down to dinner.
Upon the bill Of fare being handed to him
by the waiter, lie remarked-..I don't
care about readin' now-l'll wait till after
dinner.".
Day D Goeps. For The military Drills.
For gardeners-Lawns. id9 d,
photographers Ticks.
For poultrymen-Ducks.
For engrayers-Prints.
For publishers-Book muslins.
For servants-Domestics.
A dilapidated old datkey, III Montgom-
cry, Alabama, watching the monkeys in a
menageris in that city, spoke thusly :
"Dem children rot TOD nucl, cans. II oono