Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1869-07-29
A Romance Of Fashion.

which his befront name | will call Joseph. !
call it Joseph. because that was bis front name.
Hammers cheeks was as fare as the D-mask
Rose: her teeth was as white as the SHOWS ov
rs many winters as you choose to siier up
She had copiousness ov black hare, which
she paid - dollars for the lot.
To make a short story longer, she was as
bewtirul as a Potts Dreem-tho' hev never
seen Potts drccm-Not to the best Of my
knowledge. don't allood to a Dutch Potts
drccm in these comparison, fer they senrilly
dreem ov Sweitzer cheese and lager beer, an
those is not bewtiful Not much, you bet.
Hammer follered the fashuns to alarTnin
extent. An Joseph follercd Hammer to an a
larmiu' extcnter
Hammer had trunks full oy fashunaJlc things
and sich-an many more.
One day when her crooel Par remonstratd
putty cmmtically with her fer being so extrav-
agautly flsh'nable, she replied with big tear
in her l. an huge waterfall in her left hand,
as willy "Why Par, mite as well be out ov
the world as ont ov the fashun."
An then her par, who had Just lorst sum
currency in Erie Stox. and was in bad hui
NOR, tole her she Good so there, if she Good
find the place.
al will, sez his dawtcr.
Then straitway did this bigh-spirited Han
ncr Sklipps embark on the Camden & Amboy
r. r.. an 60 to Scobb's Neck, n. j., with only
II trunks. remarkin' as how she was gone ont
ov the world, an coodcnt be iash'nable, she
didn't want her other % trunksov close alorng.
But the ole man Sklipps relented. His adj
dymantiuc heart softened like lis he'd, an he
put personal into the Herald to these eileck,
too whit
HANYAu.-Hcar these tears. See these
sishs. Feel these breaking heart. Come home
or I'll thrash you within inch ov your life
Thercnow, you'd better come. ia1l-eltxpd.
Ov corse, no outsider Good see any sense in
those personal or eny other personal "
fer that matter, for the simple reason that
there are no sense in en-.
But when Hammer got the Herald out ov the
P. O. offs at Scobbs Neck, the foIlerin day,
her eve soon rested on these notice. She an
tissvpatod it. She could read Greek, henz she
wasn't long fndin' out what it meant when
freely translated
She took her II trunks and scooted home.
She came back mere wreck ov her former
self. Bnt a few dips into the trunks what was
left at home restored her, and she shon'd 4th
once more in all her former pristine grandoor-
whatever those is, don't know, but it sounds
nice.
As I prcyisly mentioned, Joseph had a
yearuiu fer this maiden. He had it bad, he
wrote her name onto board fenscs with piece
ov chalk; SkuIpt it onto trees with bis jack
niie. and behaved like sick kitten in sevril
respcks
And when he learned that she had 10000
dollars, and the tooth-ake, and the Greshin
bend, all at onct, it didn't dampcn the arder oy
Joscph's uv partikIo. Nary. lie just luyd
rite strait at the mark an won.
Joseph askt her ef she wood hev him for
her own troo luz.
Hammer said &" No
But she sed it with sech prodijus sigh, and
leaned her he'd so lovingly onto his weskit, that
he knowd full well that she meant yes
An he was happy.
They was to be married in . weeks.
But there's many slip twix the cup and
the lp,-wich Erase is not 'riginal with the un-
dcrsud
\ week aforc they was to he hitcht into
matrimonial harness, so to speak, iusdent
made its dsJoo FRENCH wich efectooaly
squashed all the love out ov Joseph.
The son had sot, an mite crept on apace. BY
the way, uotis that mite allus duz creep on
apace soonly arlter the son sitteth. It's the
mites biz to do so, spose.
Atmidntc, when the son was low, thare was
'larm of fire. Joseph wasstil in his offs
poring over sum books, betby youths was
hcpin' him to pore over EN-. They called it
Whist-whatever that is.
Joseph struck for the seen ov con1agrashun.
He soon discovered that ole Sklipp's manshun
was on fire.
The noble Gremcn they stood roun' with
tLare trowsers in their butes, cussin' one an
other promiscusly-one company pcryentin
another company from skwirtin bekaws they
hadeut cnuif hose to sqwirt onto the bildin
harcselycs-which is very unright fer the no.
bic firemen to do so. Engine No. GSl jest be-
caws it coodent skwirt onto the flames skwirt-
cd onto all the peepil who stood near EN-.
The seethin fumes hisst & sisht, an pro-
trooled thare scrpentine an frey toDgs out oy
the winders. licking OFF the shutters and other
combnstibul matter in the twinkln' oy an J.
and sashin thare destructiv jaws with diabOl-
ikle relish which seemed to say " Its hunky,
you bet"
Tbare that's written in the sensation stile
ov the New York reporters. Iwont do so no
more
As Joseph stood gain onto the burnin edits,
wantn to DO everything, an not KNOWN which
to do fust-hens doin nothin-he herd ole
Sklipps wriugin his hands, an seen him ex-
claim in tones oy profound angwish-
Ne child, 0, me child Save her 4"