Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-01-01
Wise and Otherwise.

L.
Wise md Otherwise.
To get out of debt, pay up-to keep
out, pay down.
An exchange paper speaks Of two
men who fell cut Of an Intoxicated
buggy"
WHY are book keepers like chick
ems? Because they have TO scratch
for living.
The King Of Siam died of astrono-
my-he caught Il fever while observ.
the eclipse.
The two saloons In Salt Lake City
pay Brigham Young 5000 month rs
license.
The proof of the adage that time is
money, is found i'm the fact that
times change.
"Birl, my boy, can't you eat little
more?' "We!l perhaps I could If /
stood up, MOTHER
Butter, eggs and poultry still con-
tinucs Ia excite wholesome prices,
that is for the farmers.
acknowledgements is the new
name for those who give instructions
I'LL TIE Glt vi ihohaE'h3 'NASS'S'~N'
Somebody thinks that there are
great many facts worth -shUR-ing,
and we agree with that Individual.
Three ladies were chosen deacon
eses of Rev. Henry Ward Beecher's
church at the late annual meeting.
Loafers in Elmira, New York, are
called by the local paper what they
are nywhere--'rank weeds OF hui
mainly"
\ Springfield lady "to help poor
Polish exile back home" bought
eighteen pairs of scissors OF the
scoundrei.
A Georgia planter has come to the
conclusion that Il good pioW ID iar
ahead of the Scooter" for the pro-
duction of crops.
A lady with the "Grecisn bend"
considered herself insulted when she
was told, q few days ago, that rheu-
matte liniment would restore her
shape.
Mrs. Darlington says that nothing
Gespises her so much as to see people,
who profess to expect salvation, go to
church without their purses, when
recollection is to he taken.
On q certain occasion of an eclipse
in Virginia, a colored individual be.
came greatly elated. Dress de lord,'
said he, "de nigger's time hab. come
ut last, aud now we's gwine to had q
black sun."
Any business IL more respectable
than what is termed loating. A
Young man had better sell CLAIMS by
the pailful than hang round pub
lie resorts, numbering time and his
own reputation.
A Troy milkman, blind drunk,
drove blind horse into the canal
and the question now agitating the
Troy debating society is, whether ne
was trying to water bis milk, his
horse or his whiskey.
A fellow was told at tailor's shop
that three yards of cloth, being
made wet, would shrink one quarter
of a yard. well, then" he inquired,
"if YOU should wet q quarter of q
yard, would there be any OF 1t left.
ord thank you for another piece
of that mince pie" said Dubbins 10
his landlady. lowing to the pecu-
liar arrangement OF the programme no
piece can be repeated ut this enter.
tainment," calmly replied the lady.
"Ma, Bill is a pinchsn' ov me-"
Mo:her-"William, why do you
pinch your brothcr?"
William--"He wants to play school
marnl, and put me on the floor and
spank me with the fire shovel"
A Connecticut editor fell on an Icy
sidewalk last week. He did not use
'unparliamentaFy language" as
some would have done, but bit his
lips, rubbed down the bruises, and
while benevolent smile radiated his
continuance, remarked; 1--WE don't
cherish any III will; hat for light
and entertaining reading matter,
recommend TO us the obituary OF the
man who owns this sidewalk"
What did you come here for?''
inquired q miss of n bachelor friend
WHO made her a call when the rest of
the folks were gone out during the
holidays. II came to borrow some
Matches" he replied meeGly.
"Matches, that's q likely story. Why
don't you make a match? L know
what you came for" exclaimed the
delighted miss, as she crowded the
old bachelor into a corner, ''you came
to hug and kiss me almost to death,
but you shan't unless you are the
strongest, and know you are"
The minutest fossil horse yet dis
covered was lately found by Prof. o.
tertiary deposits Of Nebraska. AL
F,l
of the various bones prove, it is only
about two feet high. This makes the
seventeenth species of fossil horse
now known TO have lived la North
America, although quite recently IL
was generally believed that there
were none indigenous TO the CONT
Dent.
A rival to Elind Tom has arisen in
Kinds county, Miss, in the person of
a full-biooded negro girl, eighteen
years old, who neither knows single
note nor can spell the simplest word.
She was house. servant, and as such
was permitted to play upon the piano.
She can play any piece, however
difficult it may he, after hearing 1t
played, and her accuracy and delica-
cy Of tones, is really remarkable.
For the past two years she has been
employed as field hand, and she
had no opportunity of playing, or
listening to Others play.
An old gent of the "Original leu
tonic persuation," entered into bust
ness conversation with an artist In
marble. Says he: Mister, wants
doom stone for my wife vots det;
wants you make him nit little angels
on" "All right" replies tie az
comm dating artist, and the price
was arranged. "Vell, now said he.
"what you charge for one doom store
for me, as / dies soon too, and may
as we'll gifts how?" The price fixed,
and the old man, turning to go, said
DOTS all right gives YOU dat, but