The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-04-16
dItit ans Duutnr


- Bent on an object-a dogs tai.
- The woman's quesuon-ls he
rich?
Dogs are the greatest wags we
have.
- The soldiers pillow-his nap
sack.
- Do American tars use pitched
tents.
= II the doctor orders bark, has
not the patient a right to growl!
WHY is the palm tree like chro-
nology? Because it furnishes dates.
When is a ship at sea not only
on water? When it is on fire.
= Horses sometimes run for cups,
but not half so often as men do.
Why is The world like a piano?
Because it is full OF sharps and flats.
=. Even pig upon the sly may
console himself things may have
turn.
A true philanthropist and well
trained horse always stop at the sound
ot woe,
- Why is wise man like new
pin Because he has got head, and
comes to the point.
- A country dentist says that she
spares no pains" to make his WORK sat
isfactory.
- have struck the ''lyre," as the
chap said when he knocked down the
slanderer.
- Some enemy of the phair sex re-
marks that the oldest woman's club is
the broomstick.
- There is man in California so
mean that he wishes the landlord to re-
duce the price of his board, because he
had two teeth extracted.
A great fuss has been made about
"Dollar jewelry," but if you want to
make your sweet. heart real cheap
present, give her dime and pin.
- On the Baltimore and Ohio rail-
road an old gent got on at Bladensburg
bound south without ticket. Con-
ductor came along as usual and asked
for his ticket. "What is the fare" said
the old gent. "Where are you going"
asked the conductor. "To hl---l," re-
piled the old gent angrily. "Then,"
said the conductor, "give me twenty
five cents and get off at Washington.
A fellow whose countenance was
homely enough to scare quaker, was
lounging around a public house, when
he was observed by Yankee, who ask
ed him ii he had not met with an ac-
cident when he was young? "What
do you mean you impertneEt scoun-
drel 7" "Why, I didn't mean nothing,
only you have got such an all-tlred
crooked mouth, l thought as you might
have fallen into the brook when you
were boy and your mother hung you
up by the mouth to dry"
An Ohio paper has the following
lurid paragraph
"For the Information of the gentle
man who CLEANS faggots in our wood
she'd after night, we state that we have
contracted for large load of hickory
wood, which we propose to watch oc-
casionally, armed with shot gun load
ed with broken glass and gimlets. As
precautionary measure, we suggest
to the individual aforesaid that he wear
gimlet in the seat of his breeches up
on future occasions, when he may deem
it prudently necessary to visit our
premises and that wood taken from
our office be carefully examined before
it is used, as u few sticks have been
prepared witha compound which, when
placed upon the fire, will get up an
earthquake in much less time than the
ordinary method.
- The following is told at the ex-
pence of farmer living near the
Allegheny mountains. One day he
was taken sick and doctor was call
ed in, who prescribed among other
things that he shoald have a warm
bath. lie rebellcd at this but upon be-
ing told that his life depended upon
this, he consented and tub of warm
water was at once prepared by hissbet
ter half into which was thrown liber-
al quantity of soap. A rough towel was
then procured, aud the old lady COM
meuced for once at least, the ia SIX of
cleaning her lord and master. After
working away for several minutes, her
eyes were attracted by somthing bright
that shone through the dirt, and she
worked away with redoubled energy.
Another spot was visible not tar from
the other and wit Ia light in her eye
that told OF her JOY at the discovery ex-
claimed:
"Daddy daddy I'm glad the doctor
told me to wash you for, as live, here
are those trousers that you lost two
years ago. l can tell 'em by the but
TONS"
L
no doubt tired of the old system Of APP
premiership thus advertises for boy
t'Wanted at this Office boy to take
every Wednesday and Monday after
Moons. No limits as to salary, and the
said boy is to consider that the said Of
flee exists for his special convenience.
If he don't feel well, or wants to go a
fishing. or play marbles, or see match
games of base ball, or go shopping with
his girl. or visit his cousin, the paper
Will wait his sovereign pleasure. Any
body who presumes to critici.e his ct
forts is to be Immediately arrested for
contempt All the boys he knows are
to have free run of the Office. The ed
itor's time is to be exclusively at the
aforesaid boys disposal. Salary to be
drawn several years before. A boy po-
sessing these qualifications, please re-
port where he can be found, and at
what time deputation OF printers may
cal! upon him, and respectfully present
references of good character on the
part of the office and Its employees