The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1869-08-19
A QUEER OLD LADY.

indkeS SOoQ picture OF pOpular 0lu
lady. Will our young readers tell us
what her name is?
How different people appear at diff
ferent times, as when we are sick or
well, rejoicing or mourning, laughing
or weeping. A few days since | met
an old lady who nodded very familiar
ly to me, and yet I hesitated to call her
by name, lest / should miscall it. She
looked old, and yet young, soft and
smiling, and yet wore stern frowns. She
was fair in face, yet her hands were
iron. 1t seemed as if the wind would
blow her away, and yet she moved
with the strength of an elephant.
"Why sir" said she, "you seem to
stare at me, though you have seen me
a thousand times before.'
"That may be, madam, but never
saw you loaded down with all sorts of
things. l am curious to know about
them. Would it be rude to ask you
few questions?"
"Not at ALL Ask away"
"Well, what are you going to do with
those small, thin, ladies' shoes?"
"Why, make the ladies ware them,
to be sure"
mot this cold wet season? /? Why, l
can hardly keep my feet warm in
these thick, double-soled boots. /
must have over-shoes. How can they
wear such thin cold-catching shoes ?"
"Oh, sir, / have only to bring them
to them and the dear creatures put
them on, and never hesitate mo-
ment. They know me ~
"And those little half dresses hang
ing on your arm ?"
"Tbey are to put on little children
in cold weather, or to walk out in
naked at the knees, naked at the neck,
and hardly covering half the body.
You can't think how eager parents are
for these dresses"
"What have you in that little tin
box ?"
"LoZenges, sir; troches, hoar-hound
candy,-things that always go with
thin shoes and thin dresses. And this
bright red box, sir, contains what is
called conscience salve, which always
keepon hand to rub the conscience when
any one sees they have done wrong in
obeying me. It's in great demand sir,
and a certain cure"
"What have you in that bundle,
madam ?"
"This? Why a few knick- k-knacks,
which [ sometimes distribute in Sab
bath schools, in the shape of dialogues,
speeches-things to make people laugh
and to prevent the schools from feel
ing too serious, or thinking too much
about religion. You must understand,
sir, that continually have to attend
church to regulate things thereto see
that the bonnets are right, the rings
are bright, and the dresses complete ;
yet religion itself hate as poison
And here is box of the finest-What
shall | call it? 1t is a sort of wit and
smartness which / deal out to preach
ers, with which they spice their SER
mons. and become popular. l sell
them by the gross. They are grow
ing in demand, and they are a real sa-
wing of conscience and headache.
Warranted to keep in all climates a
kind of sensation powder"
"Pray madam what are those screws
for?"
"Why, to pinch the feet and make
them look small, without regard to
corrs or bunions. They can't wear
those dear little shoes except they have
these pinchers to go with Them"
"And that great heap of books in
your arms!"
"Those? They are the latest, most
exciting, and the weakest, most silly
novels. But / hand them out, and
shake my head with smile, and
crowds read them"
"Well, madam, am very inquisi-
tive, / know, but do want to know
what you have in that great bag
thrown over your shoulder ?"
ga great variety of valuables, such
things as late suppers,' in great de-
mand, and which send people to the
grave early, and thus make room for
more. Here are late hours and
'late rising and all manner of hair
dressing, and expensive dressing
things that ladies must have, even il
their husbands fail. Here are dia-
mond pins and rings-just the things
to stir up envy and create extrava-
gance. Here are gold watches, cigars,
meerchaum pipes, gold headed canes,
eye-glasses, and all manner of things to
suit all kinds of people. And l laugh
and coax, and frown and command
till | get them to wear and use them,
and do just what please. Now
have stopped to talk with you few
moments don't you see what crowd
have gathered round mellow necks,
thin shoes, muslin dresses, tight boots
some on crutches, some crouching,
some breathing short, all crowding to
get near me; and when | move you
will see how they all run and rush
and crowd after me. o, sir, | an the
great power of the world. Irule kings
and queens, beggars and philosophers.
Don't you see ?'
Truly, madam, truly. And now
may | ask you your name?"
"Name? Fashion, Sir; my name is
Mrs. Prevailing Fashion thought