The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1869-08-19

property. CLARENCE HORNE,
apg-3t. Town Constable.
TO kiss rosy-cheek. d girl, and find
yop. mouth filed with Venetian red
and she growing pale on il is truly |
awful.
Somebody in describing q beautiful
lady says she has "a face, that painter
might dwell upon" rather broad face
that
What is the difference between a
schoolmnster and an engine driverS
One trains the mind and the other minds
the train.
Some say the quickest way Of de-
stroying "weeds" is to marry a widow
1t is no doubt most agreeable species
ofhnsbandry.
Never meet trouble half way, but let
him have the whole walk Of his pains
Perhaps he will give up his visit 10
sight ofyour house,
An irritable gardner seeing boy
stealing some fruit, vowed, if he caught
him there again he'd lock him up in
the ice-house and warm his jacket.
An alderman, visiting churchyard
with a friend, pointing to a shady,
quiet nook, said: "This is the spot
where intend to be laid, if I'm spared.
A man who was imprisoned for mar
rying two wives, complained that he
had been severely dealt with for an Of
Tense which carries Its own punishment
along with it
81 wish twas the fashion to go to
bed every hour in the twenty-four,"
said an ipdolent person. ~ like that
tirst-rate; but the fashion of getting up
is the meanest ever inyented.'
On his deathbed, q distinguished
humorist requested that no one. might
be invited to his funeral, because
sobbed out the dying man, lit is civ
ilty can never. repay
A few days since at an evening party
a gentleman handed his wife a glass OF
wine. Some one asking her if it was
Madeirs, she replied; Il presume so,
for it came from my deary.'
A young man who has lately taken
wife says lie did not find it half 50
hard to get married as he did to get
the furniture and when it came to get
ting the bread and butter he had to fall
back on the old folks
A country editor in speaking Of q
steamboat says :"She did twelve births
in her ladies' cabin Oh, life of me
exclaimed an old lady. on reading the
above, what q squal!ipg there mus
have been!
A man intending to refuse a cha.
lenge to a duel, accepted it in a state
of absence Of mini. The consequence
, was that he discover his mistake
whom the challenger ran off, and has
not been heard from since,
A paper ha, ing cxulted over tue fact
of its coming out in new dress ri
val sheet remarks: "In this as in ev-
erything else, they are an age behin(
our office, which was supplied with
new material years ago"
A newly married man down Eas
says if he had an inch more Of happi
ness he could not possibly live. Hi
wife is obliged to roll him on the foo
and pat him with brick bat to keel
him from being too happy.
A certain tavern keeper who open
ed an oyster shop as an appendage tt
his other establishment, was upbraide(
by neighbor oystermonger, as ungen
erous and selfish. And Why said he
would you not have me sell fish!
A poor man who had termagan
wife, after a long dispute, in which sh
was resolved to have the last word. toll
her if she spoke one crooked word he''
beat her. "Why then rams horn yOl
+ rogue III l die for it!
When Beau Nash was sick. Dr.
Cheyne wrote prescription for him
The next day the doctor inquired If h
had followed his prescriptiOhp IN
faith. DOCTOR said Nash, If l had
should have broken my neck, for
threw it out Of q two pair Of stairs win
e dow
A gentleman dining with membe
of the Society of Friends, after having
r eaten enough for four II oderate visitor
re-helped himself exclaiming, 'Yon SCI
it's cut and come again with me!
To which the sectarian gravely re
piled, "Friend cut again, thou mayst
but come again thou meyer shalt
A facsimile Of q Scotch Newspape
century old was recently reprinted
and it tell into the hands Of coupl
E who seeing in it an advertise ment 70
man and his wife as butler an
house keeper, applied for the situation
and were quite grieved to find tha
were little too late.
The good Parson Ito applicant 70
instruction in the night soh6ol) 'Hav
: you been confirmed, my boy 2 10.
! hesitating: Please cir, ] don't know