The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1869-10-11

make e good-omened start in life
must keep two bears-bear and for
bear-in the house, and feed them
we'll.
A reason why a piano was not saved
at fire was because none of the fire.
men could play on it.
We 90 up the hill of life like boy
with his sled after him, and go down
it like boy with his sled under him.
The orange groves on the st. Johns
River, Florida,.are said to be more
fruitful than for ten years previous.
Lovers observed Before a man en-
ters the abode of matrimony he should
ring the belle.
Never supinely wait for thing to
turn up. Go straightway and turn it
up yourself.
Why is a beefsteak like locomo-
tive? It is not of much account
without it's tender.
The son of a Western clergyman
excused himself for a pack of cards
which fell from his pocket during his
valedictory by saying he had on his
fathers coat.
There is so much aduIteration in
what we eat and drink that most ar
ticles of consumption have to be
taken upon trust, and treated as Ar
tieles of Faith.
An aneedote is told of Frederick the
Great that, just before the battle Of
Rosebacb, he said to oue of the Gen
Il ho
with him, IF lose the battle [ shall
retire to Venice, and practice physic."
"Ah, replied the General, always
g murderer! always a murderer
They have a good joke on a rising
young lawyer of Troy. His elo-
quence had cleared a man charged
with uttering counterfeit money; aud
the grateful man had given him fifty
dollars for his services. He tried to
use some of the money after the fell
low left town, and found that every
dollar. Of it was counterfeit.
"How do you like me now2" asked
a belle of her spouse, as she sailed
into the room with sweeping train
of muslin following her. well"
said he, ito tell the truth, it is impos-
sible for me to like you any longer"
A countryman, walking along the
streets of a town, found his progress
stopped By a close barricade oftimber.
What is that for?" he inquired of
a person in the street.
'Oh, that's to stop the cholera"
"Ahl have often heard of the
Board of Health, but l never saw it
before"
The girl of the period" will soon
appear here with huge iron or rubber
rings 'ornamenting" the lower part
of the waist aud tapping over the
skirt The fashion has already reach
ed Boston.
Sir" said a hypochondrical
patient, while describing his symp-
toms to Abernethy. Il feel a terri
bic pain in my side when | put my
hand up to my head" "Then, sir"
exclaimed the mild physician, why
do you put your hand to your hsadP"
Johnny is Just beginning to learn
geography. He says that the Poles
live partly at ore end of the globe and
partly 1t the other. He knows it is
so because it is marked on the map.
A wag seeing door nearly off its
hinges-in which condition it had
been for. some time-observed that
f when it had fallen and killed some
one it would probably be hung,
An English druggist proposes that,
In addition to the word poison" the
labels on the bottles or package con-
tanning poison, should have printed
on their margins the appropriate anti
dotes for each class of poison,
A GIRL OF THE AaE.-A paper
thus describes a specimen of this ge-
MUS in New York: 'She went to the
theatre and two parties In one even
ing, carried on three hirtations at
each, and the next day refused three
offers of marriage. accepted two, and
broke off three previous engagements
read four novels, wrote two letters
and one hundred notes Of invitation,
practiced her music lesson, made
herself new waterfall, ate breakfast,
lunch, and dinner enough for two
miIkmen; took walk on Fifth ave-
nue., bought two pounds of French
candy, and ate it, rode to the Central
Park with one of her lovers, and
walked hone with the other"
COMPROMISING SPIRIT.-Yesterday
a sable Adonis, named Edward
Chandler, was up as a witness in a
case Of assault and battery. The
Dugilists were two females of the
same ebon hue of Edward himself
and little inquiry into the cause Of
the disturbance revealed the fact that
thew both claimed the dusky Lotha.
rio as their husband. Both asserted
that they were lawfully married tC
him. and the severest eross-examina
ton failed to disclose any flaw in the
statements Of either.
why, you rascal, you must be
biqamistr' said the Judge, turning
wrathfully towards Edward.
"Sarp
You've married both these wO
men"
it doughT'
Don't you know this is crimina
''Sar," replied Edward, the whites
of his eyes charging, and looking
earnestly into the Judges face.
III have to have you arrested 70
bigamy."
"Dat SOP"
eyes"
"Den don't say no mo- about it, an,
IN lire aCid EN- bof," rejoined tn
complacent Edward, adjusting hi
hat and walking leisurely from tn
court room.-N. o. Picayane.
THE VAGABoND SAGE.-An old ma
of very active physiognomy, answer
ing to the name Of Jacob Wilmot, Wa
brought up before the police cour