Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1869-01-21
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
AMUslNG.
AneedlewOman's exelamation-- -Ahem
Things that come home to us-Burch-
ers' bills.

| Aneedlewoman'seA s eAelamation--Ahem
Things that come home to us--Burch-
ers' bills.
What is the keynote to good breed
ng? b natural.
An unfortunate attachment-That of
the Siamese twins.
When is a man thinner than shin
gle? When he is shaving. .t.a.
Watches are often stolen. Every
watch should be.on its guard.
Why is nibbled cheese like concluded
treaties Because it has been ratified.
The surest way to lose your health is to
be all the time drinking that of other
folks. s s-.- ........--
WHEN is young mans arm like the
Gospel? When it maketh glad the waist
places
A false alarm-when you, think your
new teeth are comingout, but they don't.
Punch. - ~ - - 5ss5 Esst
Why are chickens necks like door
bells? Because they are often rung,for
company. -Fi i-ssE753.d
Some one thinks that there are great
many facts worth rnen stunning, We
are of the same opinion. 49,.
Punch queries whether, in case fe-
male suffrage and secret voting are en-
acted, spinsters would not be called bal
lot girls. s-- =.s4
"WHATs that?" asked schoolmaster
pointing to the letter X ''It's daddy's
name" mo, you bIockhead. it's X"
"Tain't X, neither. it's daddy's name,
for seed him write il many a time"
| THE Pacific Railroad ,excites great
wonder among the Indians on the Plains
when they see it for the first time. The
Pintos name the locomotive .ssmoke-
wagon" but the Shoshones less happily
call it cheap wagon, no boss ogT
IN Westerly, r. l., missionary had
painted on the fences: What shall
do to be saved?" To which quack
medicine man added: "Use-bitters.
The evangelist retorted by printing un-
der "Use-bitters," in another place,
the words, ''Then prepare to meet thy
Godl t-
A FIRM of BARRIERS at Newark, n. J.,
recently "dissolved," ;" and posted-up the
following notice: DE dishoiution CO.
parsnips heretofore resisting twixt me
and Moses Jones in de barber profession
am heretofO resolved. Pussons who Oes
must pay de scribe. Dem what de firm
oes must call on Jones, as de firm is in
solved.n a7F e4 .r,gr qrq-f5
OLD Squire Hopkins was perfect 2
picture of meekness and simplicity; and
his suffering seemed the effect of BASH
fulness rather than an inheren. physica-
defect. One day, a neighbor came to
buy yoke of oxen of him. The price
was named and the animals made a sat
isfactOry appearance. .'tsss-.sacf Il
Are they breachy?" inquired the
buyer.
"N-n-n-never t-t-t-troubled me,n was
the reply. 50. s.ai,
The other paid the price and took the
yoke. In day or two he came back,
ifs a towering passion.
"ConfOund these critters. Squire =
There amt no fence that will keep 'em!
They will break through stone-wall or
Jump over the moon. What the dickens
made you tell me they want breachy 2"
III didn't say n-no s-such a thing"
ayes, you did-you said they never
YOU"
..Oh, w-wall, neighbor," said the
Squire, ~ don't let such ath-thing a-as
that ere t-t-t-trouble me.n alss=
A QUEER SET.-Farmer Gruff was one
morning tugging away with all his
might and MAN ut barrel of apples,
whi .h he was endeavoring to get up The
cellar stairs, and calling at the top OF
his lungs for one of his boys To lend
but in vain. When he
had, after an infinite amount of sweat
ing and putting, accompl.she the task,
and Just when they were not needed, OF
.DurSe. the boys made their appearance.
"a Where have you- -been.rand what have
you been ssuouG, I'D like to know, thai
you couldn't hear me call?n inquired the
armer in an angry tone, addressing the
eldest. Out in the shop, settin' the
saw," replied the youth. "And you.
Dick?n "Out in the barn, settin' the
len." "And you, sir??'' up III Gran
ny's room, settin, the clock. And
YOU, young man?n up in the garret,
.ettin' the trap" And now, Master
Fred. where were you setfin?n asked
he old farmer of his youngest progeny,
he asperity of his temper becoming
softened by this amusing cat
,logue of answers. Come, let's hear
ON the doorstep, settin' still" replied
lie young hopeful, seriously. A re-
narkable SET, must confess" added
he amused sire, dispensing the grinning
yroup with a wave of his hand.