Abbeville press. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1860-1869, 1869-09-10
MARK TWAIN'S EDITORIAL SALU
TATORY.

"Mark Twain" has become one Of
tic proprictors Of the Buffalo E,yycsx,
and publishes his "saluta,ory" in tho
issue Of that paper Of Saturday last.
We quote:
Being stranger, it would be i'm
modest and unjccoEins in nc to sud
denly and violently assume tho asso-
ciatc ctIitorShip Of the Buffalo Express
without II single explanatory word Of
comfort or encouragement. to the un-
offending patrons Of the paper who
arc about to be exposed to constant
attacks Of my wisdom and learning.
But this explanatory word shall be as
brief rs possible. L only wish to- as
sure parties having friendly interest
in the prosperity Of the journal that
[ am not going TO hurt the paper de-
libcratcly and Intentionally at any
time. l am not going to introduce
any startling reforms, Or in any way
attempt to make trouble. I am sim
ply going to do my plain, unrrctcnd-
ing dnty, when canlo; get oi:t of it:
shall work diligently and honestly
and faithfully at all times and upon
all occasions, when priyation and
want shall compel mo to do it; in
writing I shall always confno myself
strictly to tho truth, except when it
is attended with Inconvenience: I
shall withcringIy rcbukc all forms of
crime and misconduct, except when
committed by Tho party inhabi:ins
my own vest; l shall not make uso Of
slang or vnlga::;y upon any occasion
or under any circumstances, and never
uso profanity except in discussing
house rent ard taxes. indeed, uron
second thought, will not even use it
then, for ii ii unchristian, inclcgant
and degradinS-though TO speak
truly ! do not sec how house rent and
taxes arc going to be discussed worth
Il cent without it. l shall not often
mcd'!lc with politics, because VIC have
g apol;tical editor who is already excel
lent. and only needs to serve :: term
IN TIC pcnitcnti.,Iy in order to be per-
feet. / shall not write any poetry,
unless | conceive u %pito against the
subscribers.
Such is my platform. 1 do not sec
any earthly use i'll it but custom is
law, and custom must be oboycd, 10
matter how much violence it may do
to ones feelings. And this custom
which | am slavishly following now
is surely ono Of the least necessary
that ever came into vogue. In pri-
vatc life y man docs hot go and trum-
pct his crime before ho commits it,
but your new editor is such an impor-
tant parsonage that lie feels called
upon to write q "sslutatory" at once,
and he puts into it all that he knows,
and all that he don't know, and somo
things he thinks he knows but isn't
certain Of And he paradcs his list
Of wonders which he is going to per-
form; Of reforms which ho is going
to Introduce, and public evils Which
he is going to cxtcrminato; and pub
lie blessings which he is going to
create; and public nuisanccs which
nc is going to abate. lie spreads this
all out with oppressive solcmnity
over column and u half of large
print, and feels that the country is
saved. His satisfaction over it is
enormous He then settles down to
his miracles and inhicts profound
platitudcs and impcnetrablc wisdom
upon helpless public as long as they
can stand it, and then they can send
him off Consul to some savage island
in the Pacific in tho Vague hope that
tho cannibals will liko him vol
enough to cat him. And with an in
humanity which is but fitting eli
max to his carcor of persecution, in-
stead of packing his trunk at once, he
fingers to inflict upon his benefactors
a "valcdictory." If there is any.
thing moro uncalled for than a "salu.
tatory," it is one Of those fearful
blubbering, long-winded "valedicto
ries"-wherein a man who has been
annoying the public for ten years can
not take leave of them without sit
ting down to cry,a a column and. a half
Still, it is the custom to writo vale
dictorics, and custom should be res
pectod. In my heart 1 admire my
| predecessor for declining to print {
valcdictery, though in public I say
and shall continue to say sternly, it i,
custom, and he ought to have printed
ono. People nevor road them any
moro than they do tho "salutatorics,