Weekly Trinity journal., 1869-12-04
The Husband In the Kitchen.

Once upon time there was a man so surly
and cross that he never thought his wife did
anything right in the house. So one evening in
hay-making time, he came home scolding and
swearing, and showing his teeth and making
d dust:
man." said his goody; tomorrow, let's
change our work. I'll go with the mowers and
mow and you shall mind the house
Yes the husband thought that would do very
we'll. He was quite willing, he said.
So early next morning his goody took scythe
over her shoulder and went into the hay field
with the mowers and began to NOW but the
home.
First of all he wanted to churn butter, and
when he had churned awhile he got thirsty, and
went down in the cellar to tap barrel of ale.
So, just when he had knocked in the bung, and
was putting the tap into the cask, he heard the
pig come into the kitchen overhead. Then off
he ran up the cellar stairs, with the tap in his
hand, last as he could, to look after the pig,
lest it should upset the churn. But when he
got up and saw that the pig had already knocked
the churn over, and stood there, roofing and
grunting among the cream, which running
all over the floor, he got SO wild with rage that
he quite forgot the ale barrel, and ran at the pig
as hard be could. He caught it, too, just
it ran out of doors, and gave it such kick that
piggy lay dead on the spot. Then, all at once,
he remembered that he had the tap in his hand
and when he got down to the cellar every drop
of ale had run out of the cask.
Then he went into the dairy and found enough
cream left to fill the churn again and so he bee
gan to churn for butter they must have for din
ner. When he had churned a bit he remem-
bered that their milking COW was still shut up
in the byre, and hadn't bit to eat or drop to
drink all morning, though the sun was high.
Then all at once he thought it was too far to
take her to the meadow, SO he'd just get her up
on the house-top-for the house you must know,
was thatched with sods and fine crop of grass
was growing there. Now their house lay close
up against a steep down, and he thought if he
laid plank across to the thatch at the back,
he'd easily get the up.
But still he couldn't leave the churn, for
there was his little babe crawling about on the
floor, and if he left it, he thought, the child was
sure to upset it. So he took the churn on his
back and went out with it, but then he thought
he d better first water the COW before he turned
her out on the thatch /; SO he took up bucket
to draw water out of the we'll, but as he stopped
down at the wells brink, all the cream ran out
of the churn over his shoulders and so down the
well.
Now it was near dinner time, and he had not
even got the butter yet so he thought he had
best boil the porridge, and filed the pot with
water and hung it over the fire. Wheu he had
done that, he thought the cow might perhaps
fall off the thatch and break her legs or neck.
So he got up ON the house to tie her up. One
end of the rope he tied fast to the cows neck,
and the other be slipped down the chimney,
and tied round his own thigh; and he began to
make haste, for the water now began to boil in
the pot, and he had still to grind the oatmeal.
So he began to grind away; but while he was
hard at it, down fell the COW off the house-top
after all, and as she fell she dragged the man up
the chimney by the rope. There he stuck fast i;
and for the COW, she hung half way down the
wall, swinging between heaven and earth, for
she could neither get down nor up.
And now the goody had. waited seven lengths
and seven breadths for her husband to come and
call them to dinner; but never a call had they
had. At last she thought she'd waited long
enough, and went home. But when she got
there, and found the COW hanging in such an
ugly place, she ran up and cut the rope in two
with her scythe. But, as she did this, down
came her husband out of the chimney and so
when his old dame came inside the kitchen,
there she found him standing on his head in the
porridge pot.