Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1869-02-19
Habits of Horace Greedy.

o'"'"S Ills ouc Vi HIS iaFOrlLc HluAILnS,
that only carly rising can keep the health un
impaired and the brain vigorous. lie then
wakes up all tho household and assemblies
them in tho library, by candle light, aud af.
ter quoting the beautiful lines:
Early to bed and early TO rise
Makes u man healthy, wealthy and wise"
nc appoints each individuals task for the day,
sets him at it with encouraging words, and
goes back to bed again. 1 mention here, in
no fault finding spirit, but with the Difference
justly due a man who is older and wiser and
wort!'Icr than |, that he SHORES ~awfully. In
a moment of irritation once, / was rash enough
to say | mover would sleep with him until he
broke himself Of this unfortunate habit. I
kept my word with bigotcd and unwavcring
determination.
At past II o'clock, Mr. Greedy rises
again. llc considers there is q great virtue
aud economy in shaving himself. lie does it
with a dull razor, sometimes hu,kSssrs part
of a tune, Che knows part ofs$$@&sG luke, and
takes innocent delight in regsaSdng it as the
first half of cold Hundred A but parties
familiar with that hymn have Been obliged to
confess they could not recognize it, aud there.
fore the noise he makes is doubtless an uncon.
scious original composition of Mr.. Greelcy's,)
and sometimes, when the razor is especially
dull, he accompanies himself with a formula
like this: Damn the damned razor, and
the damned outcast who madc."-H. G..
lie then goes out into his.model garden.
and applies his vast store of agricultural knowl
edge to the amclioration of his cabbagcs af-
ter which he writes an agricultural article for
the instruction of American farmers, his soul
chccred the while with the reflection that if
cabbages were worth eleven dollars apiece his
model farm would pay.
lie next goes to breakfast, which is q fru-
gal, abstcmious meal with him, and consists
of nothing but just such things as the market
afford nothing more. He drinks nothing
but water nothing whatever but water, and
coffee, and tea, and Scotch ale, and lager beer,
and lemonade with a fly in it--somctimcs a
house fly and sometimes a horse fly, according
to the amount of inspiration required to warm
him up to his daily duties. During break
fast he reads the "Tribunc" all though, and
enjoys the satisfaction of knowing that all
the brilliant things in it, written by Young,
and Cooke, and Hazard, and myself, are at
tribu;cd to him by a coninding and Internal
public.
After breakfast he writes a short editorial,
and puts a large dash at the beginning of it,
thus, which is tho same us if he put II,
q. after it, and takes a savage pleasure in re-
flcctlng that none Of us undcrstrappers can
use that dash, except in profanc conversation
when chatting over the outrage. He writes
his editorial in his own hand writing. He
does it because he is SO vain Of his penman-
ship. He hired out once, in his young days,
as a writing master, but the enterprise failed.
The pupils could not translate his remarks
with any certainty. His first copy was, "Vir-
tue is its own reward" and they gotit, "Wash-
ing with soap is wholly absurd" and so the
trustees discharged him for attempting to con-
vcy bad morals, through the medium of worse
pcnmanship. But, as I was saying, he, writes
his morning editorial. Then he tries to read
it over, and can't do it; and so they set it up
at random, as you may say, putting in what
words they can make out, and when they get
aground on a long word they put in "%rccon-
structcd' or universal suffrage" and spar
off and paddle ahead, and the next morning,
if the degraded public can tell what it is all
about, they say that II. G. wrote it, and if
they cam they say it is one Of those imbccilc
anderstrappcrs, and that is the end of it.
On Sundays Mr.. Greeley sits in a promi-
ncnt pew in Mr.. Chapin's church, and lets on
that he is asleep, and the congregation regard
it as an eccentricity Of genius.
When he is going to appear in public, Mr..
Greeley spends two hours on his toilet. He
is the most painstaking and elaborate man
about his dress in America. IIc puts on his
old white ovcrcoat, and turns up tho collar.
lie puts on a soilcd shirt, saved from the wash,
and lcasc s one end of the collar unbuttoned.
lie puts on his most dilapidat,d hat turns it
wrong side before, cants it on back of his
head, and jams an extra dent into the side of
it. lie puts on his most atracious boots, and
spends fifteen minutes tucking the left leg of
his pants into his boot.top in what shall seem
tho most cnrolnsa md nnotna;oa a H..