Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1869-10-20
4 Tennessee Squire,

There hourished for many Years in al
certain village in the State OfTeunessCe,
an eccentric old fellow who TeiOiced i'm
the name of Peter IZard, and for eleven
years filled the Office known in various
parts of the Union as Magistrate, Alder
man, or Justice Of the Peace. Whether
so restricted by law, OF whether il was
owing to the little business done and
credit given in his neighbOrhOOd we
know not, but it is Il fixed fact that there
never was a case before him of greater
value than ten dollars, and that case Is
now presented to the public.
During the long term Of his official
career, Squire IZard was equally cCIe-
bTatcd for his infieNible integrity and
his singular manners; vet strange tu
say, he held office by the tickle popular
will, for ii was an elective one. But he
kept all the liquor, and was the only
man in town who could write. IH hal
cyOu days newspapers and common
schools were unknown. His honesty
was also DrOvCrbial. Millions could not
have tempted him to have WTOugcd the
bittcrest enemy out of dime. And ON
the whole he was popular for, 50 that
the decisions were just and upright,
what mGtterCd the uncoUth phrase
which it was cOuched in. The shell WAS
rough and bitter, but the kernel was
sweet. We will now give an example
of Squire Yards mode Of proceeding.
\ gentleman by the name Of AIcAIur-
an, Of the place was riding through
c., when the horse cast shoe, For
replacing it the blacksmith, whose name
was EnOs BildO, charged the cool sum
Of pg1a JONI
Naturally indignant, 0ur traveller TefJI-
sed to pay such an eXOrbitant demand
and while he was cooling his bile and
his stomach at the General Jackson
the tavern (par excellence Of the
tOwn-he was arrested at the suit of the
son of Vulcan. There being no Otherrc-
source, Mr.. NJ. was conducted to the
Magistrates office, back Of the bar.
1t should have n~entioned that Squire
IZard not only filed the Office Of Justice,
but he was tavern keeper besides. The
sign that swung before his door display
ed on blue ground q figure supposed to
resemble a human being. \ very large
face was depicted surrounded bya white
halo, and surmOunted by a chapeau,
with three waving plUmes. To this was
appended q bluecOated body, with very
diminutive legs attired in large jack
boots and intensely yellow pantalOOns.
One hand flouTished a sword, the other
rested on a cannon, spontaneously bel
ching forth very red flame, very blue
smoke and n ball like black water,
plainly visible. The artist began at the
head and being cramped for room ere
he had finished, like another PrOcrustes,
he accommodated the rest of the picture
to suit circumstances. This work Of art
was supposed to bear q resemblance to
the hero of New Orleans. The other
side bore the Entertainment
for man and beast, by p. lard But
to proceed.
After being introduced into the august
presence of the Squire, and the charge
stated, the following dialogue occurred :
''WeIl, sir, what is your namc2'
"NIcMurran, Sir"
"Hump, Nj. McAIurran, NO other
name, sir? ,"
"JOhn McAIuTun, sir
'sNO, Mr.. CuTTan-DO O'jGs .N'
"Ofcourse I have MOTIVE 10 need
for one"
'TVherc do you live, 1Ir. Carrion ."
"NIy name ain't Carriou---T told yol
it was ATclTurran."
"NVeII, Mr.. AIWtan did you make any
bargain for shOeing your horse 2'
'sNo, Sir"
"Then, Mr.. Burton, you acted, sir
excuse me---lille q fool.
II didn't come here to be insultcG, sir
---and no one shall talk so to me.u
'I know you didn't, MI FultOn---keep
silence or I'll fine you. You acted sir
do not contradict me---Iikc q perfect
fool; and let this be q warming to YOU
never to trust such a scOundrci a@ En0s
BiIdo (the smith, further than you can
swing a bull by the tail. You sir ito
the plaintiff) l mean yOU, you skunk
You'd steal the cOppers of your dead
mothers eyes, you no-sOUled hog. The
sentence Of the court IS, that you. EuOs
BiIdo, shall have two dimes for your
work, which is all it's worth, and if you
say another word III knock you down.
Clare this cOWtn
Fully satisfied with the verdict, and
highly amused with his adventure, Mac
went on his way rejoicing.