Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1869-12-18
RILIINES, ALLMINAX.

Josh Billings has hit upon.a capital
vent for his peculiar humor, in the
Farmers Allminax," which, we nre
assured on the title page, contains "a'l
that IL necessary for an nllminsx and
q good deal besides" 1t is, to all APP
p]sarance, n fac-simile Of some Of the
ancient weather guides, substituting for
the usual "sigus," such sage conclu-
sioas AZ these:
"Jauuary 9Th, perhaps rain4perhaps
not. January 10th, llth, weather 'hitsy;
lay in yure ice. 2sth, John Smith born
for the first timo." This date settles a
long disputed point in chronology. We
select some of the best specimens OF its
wit and wisdom, promising that it is
issued by Carleton in n style that must
satisfy the public as well rs the author:
Flsttery is like colone water, ten be
felt ov, not swallered. =.
Cheerful old girls arc the brides
maids of society.
Old dorgs nuss their grudges, but
yang purpg fite and then irolicE.
A big noss IL sed to be p sighn ov
ceuius-if a mans genius lays in hiz
noze, l should say the sighn waz x good
one.
Medicine hez cost the world more than
bread haz, and haz killed more than it
haz cured.
/. il very difficult for a poor mnn 'ew
be superior tsw hiz fortune, aud more
dinikult for a rich one.
How mepny people there IL whozs
souls hang in them, like the pith in q
goozs quill. -.
II you wan. a true friend, hire him bi
tho month and pay him fair wages.
SEPTEMBER MONOGRAPH.
September IL named after SoptuE,"
which, thra,hsd ont into American,
means soveu. ! wouldn't take Eve ban.
dred dollars for the latin | know, and |
don't kno much nulher. Sept. IL . lax
sdeisiIal month, mellow az the delayed
side OF a punkin, and az sensitive az n
boarding school mis-, during her fust
quarter in French. Nstur makes her
will this month-hogs REQ. violently
birds hold couysnshuns, and adjourn
down South-tres toads boost each
other IN trees and MARBLE sum anthems
-~-katydids chew music and spit it out
freely, aud bull frogs post their books.
ADVICE TEw Young sPoRTsNss.
In shooting at u deer that looks like
a calf, always aim so as tew miss it if
it il A calf, and to hit il il it is q deco.
In fishing for krabs use yum fingers
for bait; you kan feel them when they
fuit bite.
Don't Are at a humble bee on the
wing, not till he settles, then take good
aim and knock him sndways.
In bobbing for cells uss n raw potato,
you may not bag much cells, but you
can bag q bob that you kan hand down
to yur ancestors untarnishsd.
EXTRA BKLIPsHs FOR THE YEAR 1870.
There will be domestic eklipses wis
ibel only tew the naked eye) kauzed bi
the new Comet Sorosis jumping out Of
her path and cantsring' around promis-
kuss.
There will be n teetotal eclipse dur
ing the whole Of the year 1870 ov all
other Allmiuax throughout the earth,
upper and lower ksnada, and sum parts
ov M JsrIee, kaussd BY the immense
c~irculsshun ov the "Josh Billings
Farmers Allminax."
WORDS rEw HOUSEWIVES.
Tsw make a hoe kaks, take q hoe and
bile it tew a thin jelly, and thsn-lst
her bake.
Tew skin a Eel, turn him inside out,
and remove the meat with q Jack plane.
Tsw make a hen lay two eggs q day,
rsszon with her /; if that don't do,
t hreatcn to chsstise her if she don't.
T.w learn yuro offspring to steal,
make them beg hard for all that yu give
them.