Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1869-07-08
s#isfflIaueans.
How n, Come to be Married.

Juvenile dresses, tin trumpets, little will
low chairs, cradles, bibs, sugar teats,
paregoirc, hive syrup, rhubarb, SIENNA,
salts, sauills, and DOCTORS bills. I'll just
tell you how I got caught. was al
WAYS the darndest, most tea custard
bashful fellow you ever did see; it was
kinder in my line to be taken with the
shakes every time saw gal approach
ing me, and I'd cross the street any
time rather than face one; twasn't be-
cause didn't like the critters, for / was
hind the fence looking through the knot
hole. could not look long enough.
Well, my sister Lib gave o party one
night, and started away from home
because was too bashful to face the
music. I hung around the house whist
ling "Old Dan Tucker" dancing to keep
my feet warm, watching the heads bob
bing up and down behind the window
curtains, and wishing the laundering
would. break up, so could get to my
room. / smoked up a bunch of cigars,
and as it was getting late and nightly
uncomfomfortable. I concluded to shin
up the door post. No sooner said than
done, and soon found myself snug in
bed.
"Now,u says /, "let her rip! Dance
till your wind gives out.n And cuddling
down under the quilts, Morpheus grab
ed me.
1 was dreaming of soft-shell crabs and
stewed tripe, and having good time,
when somebody knocked at the door and
woke me up. Rap" again. laid low.
ssRap, rap, rapr' Then 1 heard whis-
pering and 1 knew there was whole
raft of gals outside. Then Lib sings out:
"Jack. are you there?"
"Yes," says /.
Then came roar of laughter.
"Let us inn said she.
s'I WON'T" said /, "can't you let a fel-
low alone"
"Are you abed?n says she.
81 am, ~ says !.
"Get out" says she.
"I won'tn says /.
Then came another laugh.
By thunder!1 began to get riied.
'sGet cut, you petticoated scarecrows?
Grid T. "Cantyo get beau without
hauling q fellow out of bed? I won't go
home with you'll won't, SO you may
clear outy' sa ~
And throwing a boot at the door felt
better. But presently I heard still,
small voice, very much like sister Libs,
and itsaid: -
"Jack. you'll have to getup, forall the
girls things are there
Oh, mercy! what pickle! Th nix OF
me, in bed, all covered with muffs,
shawls, bonnets, and twenty girls out
had stopped to think / should have
paucaked on the spot. AS it was rolled
out among the bonnet ware and ribbons
in hurry Smash went the millinery
in every direction. had to dress in
the dark-for there was a crack in the
door, and the girls will peep-and the
way / fumbled about was death on
straw hats. The critical moment came
1 opened the door and found myself
right among the women.
fsOh, my leghorn!n cried one. my
dear, darling winter velvet!" cried
another, and they pitched in-they
pulled me this way and that, boxed my
ears, and one bright eyed little piece
Sal, her name was-put her arms righi
: around my neck, and kissed me on my
lips. Human nature couldn't stand
that, and gave her as good as she sent
1t was the first time ever got the taste
and twas powerful good. | believe
could have kissed that gal from Julius
Caesar to the Fourth of July.
Jack - said she, 1--WE are sorry to dis
turb you, but won't you see me homer
"YesJ will rsaysI I.
/ did do it, and had another smack al
the gate.
After that we took q kinder turtle
dove after each other, both of US sighi1s
like a barrel ofsRe v cider when we wert
away from each other. ----
'Twasat the close of a glorious sum
mer day, the sun was sitting behind 6
distant hen-roost, the bullfrogs were
commencing their evening songs, and
pollywogs, in their native mud-puddles
Were preparing themselves for the
shades of night, and Sal and myself sal
upon an antiquated backlog, listening
to the music of nature, such as tree
toads, roosters and grunting pigs; anC
now and then the music of jackas:
was waited to our ears by the gentle
zephyrs that sighed among the muller
stalks, and heavily ladden with the de-
licious oders of hen-roosts and pig
styes. The last lingering rag of the set.
ting sun glancing from the buttons of 9
solitary horseman, shown through Q
knot hole in a hog pen, full in Sal's
face, dyeing her an orange peel hue
and showing off my threadbare coat tc
bad advantage; one of my arms was
around SAILS waist, my hand resting on
the small of her back; she was toying
with my auburn locks of jet black hue;
she was almost gone, and was almost
ditto. She looked like a grasshoppeI
dying with the hiccups, and felt like q
mud-turtle choked with a codfishball.
'tSal," says 1, in a voice as musical as
the notes Of dying swan, twill you
have me?"
She raised her eyes heavenward, and
clasped me by the hand had an attack
of the heaves and blind staggers, and
with a sigh that drew her shoestrings tt
her palate, said. YES"
She gave clear out then, and squatteG
in my lap. I hugged her till 1 broke my
suspenders, and her breath smelt O
onions she had eaten two weeks before
Well, to make long story short, she
set the day, aud we practicsd for foul
weeks every night how we would enter
the room to be married, till we got so VIZ
could as gracefully..as a couple of Mus
covy ducks. The night, the company
and the minister came, the signal wa.
:. given, and arm and arm we wenl
through the hall. We was just entering
the parlor door, when down wen
kerslap on the oilcloth. pulling Sal aftel
me. Some cussed fellow had dropped 9
banana skin on the floor and 1t fiooreC
me. It split an a1 full hole in my cassi
meres, right under my dress coat tail. II
was too late to back out; so clasping my
hand over 1t we marched in and were
spliced, and taking seat watched the
kissing the bride operation. My grooms
man was tight, and he kissed her till ]
jumped up to take slice, when, oh
horrors O little six-year imp had crawled
behind me and pulled my shirt through