The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1869-04-01
Josh BIllInss ON GrasshOpDers.

The prasshopper is a bird OF mussel.
He kin lump further than emmy other
bird NV his age and wait that Gums
under the he'd nv mi rekollecShun.
The grasshopper is amalgumated
bird. He is part bird, and part quad~
rooped. and part legs. He is mostly
the latter. His behind legs is longer
than his be 4 legs, and they are Draw
der and wider and stronger and more
develupped like. To his credit be it
sed, his legs are seldum USED for
lSic<in purposes. They are too valoo-
Natur, in his wisdum, has pervided
the Crashopper with wings-1 on 2
each side NV his boldly. These are Nv
CRATE servis him when he wants
Convert l Nv his hops in 2 general
III, He is sorin animal and a singin
bird likewise. l can't edZatly make
up mi mind whether he sores as he
sings, or sings as he soresI but on the
whole think he duz.
Grasshoppers is Nv 2 kinds-male
und female. There are sum other va
rites, but tina are not menshuned in
history. Tha travel in regimentle or
der, 2 and hundred deep, in medders
and COW pastors and SIGH places, and
sum how or uther tina are always goin
the same way Yew are, and manage
with pleasing sucksess TO keep ahed OF
yew.
Grasshoppers is most frequent In
summer. Tha seldum sta out late NV
nights, and do not cum around emmy
in winter. Tha are q summer fowl eX-
clusively, and are a sign of grass.
1 have knowed grasshoppers not yet
out of their teens that Good sore 3 feet
high purpendickerly, and hop 200 yards
horizontally, on bright, bootiful day
in Jewli, for stamps.
RED RTyCiS
I never seen ennybody yet but what
dispiZed bed-bugs. They are the mean
est OF aul crawling, creeping, hopping,
or biting things.
They darsent tikle man by dalite,
but sneak in after dark and chaw him
while he liz fast asleep.
A musketo will fife you In broad da-
lite at short range, and give you fair
chance to knock in his sides-the flea liz
a game bug, and will make dash at
you even in Broadway but the bed bug
IL garroter, who waits till you strip,
and then picks out mellow place tew
eat you.
Ill was in the habit of swearing I
wouldn't hesitate to cuss bed bug rite
tew his face.
Bed-bugs are uncommon smart in
small way, one pair of them will stock
hair mattress in two weeks with bugs
enutf tew last a small family for whole
year.
It don't do emmy good to pray when
bed. bugs are in season; the only way
to get rid of them is to bile the whole
bed in acqua FORTS, and then heave 1t
away and buy a new one.
Bed bugs, when they have grone aul
they intend to, are about the size of II
bluejay's eye, and have brown COM
plexion, and when they start out to
garroie are az greese spot, but when
they get thru Garroting they are swell
ed up like a blister.
1t takes them two days tew git the
swelling out of them.
If bed-bugs have any destiny to fill,
it must be their stummucks, but it
seems tew me that they must have
been made by accident, just as slivYers
are, tew stick into sumbOddy.
II they wuZ got up for some wise pur-
pose, they must have took the wrong
road, for there kant be emmy wisdum in
chawiug Il man aul mite long, and rails
ing family besides to follow the same
trade.
II there is some wisdum in aul this. l
hope the bod bugs will chew them folks
who kan see it, and leave me be,
because l am one of the heretickS.