Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-06-18
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NHElE-
A SMALL town is place where there are
many tongues to talk, and but few heads to
think
Why do chickens have no future existence?
Because they have their necks twirled in
this
THE rights Of a woman-If she cannot be
captain Of ship, she may always command
q smack
Mosr kinds Of roots and bark are now used
as medicines, except the cube root and the
bark ola dog.
y sAr, my little son, where does the right
hand road go to ~ 'Don't know, sir faint
been anywhere since we lived here.
GEoGRAPHIcUs writes to inform US that the
River Nile, in its infancy, was called the
Juye Nile We doa't believe it.
TIE boy who was caught looking into the
future has been arrested for trying to see the
show without pay.
We ascertaia the qualities of bell by ring
ing it, young man had better learn the
qualities ofa belle before ringing her.
The age ofa young lady is now expressed
according to the present style of skirts, by
saying eighteen springs have passed over her
head.
OUn devil says if the young lady would
sack him without hurting his feelings, let her
give him the sack she has on contents inclu
ded.
EVERY plain girl has one consolation. If
she is not a pretty young lady, she will, ifshe
lives, be a pretty cid one.
Why is a lady whose dress touches the floor
Ike a vagrant? Because she has no visible
means Of support.
We tell yea, young ladies, that divine love
is better than human. You had better be on
your own knees than upon the geutlemen's.
YoUSG men anxious to get rid of their wild
oats will do well to get sewing machine.
Those covered with calico are the best.
.IDreamtI Dwelt in Marble Hall" used
to cheat at marbles when boy, and his
dream was horrid nightmare, brought on by
remorse at the recolIections of fraudulent
marble hauls.
'IfI had bat thousand year stated
privately that he would be satisfied with just
half that sum, as he was doing chores just for
his board and three months school in winter.
"What are the wild waves saying?' knew
very well they were reproaching him for run
ming away from Long Branch without paying
his hotel bill.
The author of ''We met by chance" knew
very well that it was all arranged before
hand He had been weeks in contriving it
aud she admired his contrivance.
Equivalent OF VLUEs.-An old Indian,
who had witnessed the effect of whisky for
many years said barrel labeled whisky con
taiued thousand songs and fifty fights.
Az admirer Of dogs having had new litter
of fine breed, friend, wished him to put
him down for puppy Il set you down for
one a great while ago" Was the reply.
A Wholesale WIsH.-At recent dinner
Of sboemakers, the following toast was given:
MAY we have all the women in the country
to shoe-and all the men to boo"
Az Arkansas editor published leading
article on hogs, whereupon his village con
temporary and rival upbraided him for obtrud-
ing his family matters on the public.
A TAVERN at Haxtop, near London, has the
following inscriptions on the sign board -
"Good entertainment for all that passes :
Horses, mares, men and asses"
A LITTLE GIRL worn out by long sermon,
observing the preacher gathering himself for
another point, exclaimed: sob, mother, he
is not going to quit at all He is swelling up
again,
WY don't you ask your sweethear. to mar
ry you
/ have asked her.
What did she say.
Oh. I've the refusal OF her.
A BoARDER at one of the hotels was recent
ly observed 10 shed tears when the cheese
was passed. Upon inquiry as to the cause Of
this agitation, he replied that "the cheese was
moving sight
mo, Josh, was neber drunk, but / was
toxicsted once on ardents spirits, an dat S
enuff for dis niger. De Lord, if my head
didn't feel as if all de niggers in de world was
splitter wood upon it.
Az officer on 3 review day happened to be
thrown from his horse as he lay sprawliug
on the ground, be said to friend who ran to
his assistance, though; had improved in
my riding, but 6nd have fallen off.
The husband of beautiful wife upon re-
turning home, was met by one of his off
spring, all smiles, clapping his hands and
exclaiming, PA, Mr.. Jones has been here
he's such nice mamie kissed US all around
and mother too.
'Wox'T you cut open penny for me, faith
er? said little girl, when she came home
from school one day. Cut open a penny
What do you want me to do that for?' asked
her father. Cause, said the little GIRL our
teachers say that 10 every penny there are
four farthings, and want to see them.
Smith aud Brown running opposite ways
the other day came in contact with each 9th
er.
80, dear, how you make my head ring, y
said Smith.
That's a sign its hollow, said Brown.
''But didn't yours ring 2"
mo"
That's sign its cracked, . replied his
friend-and then they parted.
a NEW made widow went recently to life
insurance Office to receive the amount of a
policy on her husbands life, which had prov.
identially been made payable to her. The
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