Democratic enquirer. [volume] (M'arthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1867-1873, 1869-09-22
Pleasant Pa,.spraubs.

AO"oH"o ~ uBA uphos
Why was Noah never hungry in the
ark? Because he always had Ham with
him.
When is young mans arm like the
GosPel2 When it maketh glad the waist
places.
-"Sal, what time do your folks diner"
"Soon as you goes; that's missus's orders" :"
Thin Man-"Boy, what's that hungry
dog. following me forP" Boy-"He thinks
you're bone, ] reckon"
An incorrlgible wag, who lent minis
ter horse which ran away and threw his
clerical rider, thought he should have some
credit for his aid in spreading the Cos
pei.
"A tiresome talker once said to pub
lie man he had incontinently bored, can
oyster is pleasant to eat, though repulsive
to look at. "Yes but then he knows
when to shutup," was the reply
An oil nillionaire's daughter ut Sara
toga sings two songs night and day-a she
knows. The old man says he paid $4,000
to learn her music, and she's got to sing or
bust.
"A girl at Kansas City had six offers of
marriage within month, and hot month,
too. It is supposed to be on account of
her frigidity.
"A white boy met Colored lad the other
day and asked him what he had such
short nose for. q II spect, so it won't poke
itself into other peoples business"
Not long ago a captain of volunteers
was publicly presented with handsome
sword. He began his reply thus: "Ladies
and gentlemen this sword is the proudest
day of my existence "
.-''Are these fresh eggs?"
eyes, madame"
"How do you know You speak so pos
itively."
"Why laid them in that box myself
early this morning"
"A couple of fellows, who were pretty
thoroughly soaked with bad whisky, got
into the gutter. After houndering about
for few minutes, one of them said, 'Jim,
let's go to another house; this hotel leaks
from below" u..
"A boy, five years of age, having stolen
can of milk, his mother took him to task,
with moral suasion, and wound up her dis
course by exclaiming: "What in the world
were you going to do with the milk, any
hOw" 81 was going to steal little dog
to drink it, was the crushing reply.
An intelligent gentleman from Ger
many, on his first visit to an American
church. had Acontribution box with hole
in the top presented to him, and whispered
to the collector, II don't got mein bapers,
and can't vote"
AN Irishman, being asked by his angry
master what he did to the dog every day
to make him cry out as If cruelty treated.
Cruelty trait him, yer honor? not l ! |
never could hurt poor dumb cratur in my
life; but yer honor babe me cut his TAIL
and so cut only little bit off every day
TO make it more aisy for him." M-.r
The other day in Schenectady, an old
lady with two bandboxes in her arms, came
to the track of the Central Railroad and
inquired at what time the next train was
due On being informed that it would pass
through the city in half an hour, she quietly
dumped her bandboxes on the pavement
and sat down, remarlking that she'd wait
till it passed; she didn't want to be run
over, aud body couldn't be too keerful
DR. c., Of Sycamore, ILL.,, Is q capital
hand ats joke. Riding in the country one
day, he saw sign upon a gate-post, read
ing thus: "This farm for Sail" Stopping
bis horse, he hailed little old woman who
stood on tiptoe hanging out clothes. 81
say, madam, when is this farm going to
'SdW"
'Just 20 soon, sir, replied The old lady
placing her thumb to her nose, ''as any
body comes along who can raise the wind y
The Doctor drove thoughtfully on.
---"Clerl, said q tall Kentuckan to aho-
tel official, "this young woman and me
have eloped. Have ye any marryin' facili-
ties around herep"
| The clerk replied in the affirmative, and
the two were "spliced" In less than an hour
The bridegroom was evidently not yet sat
ished, and fingered around the hotel-book
'Clerk," said he, confdentially, at
length, ''hadnt ye better change the regis
ter, and give us one room, now we're mar
ried2'
sits already DONE" replied the clerk;
"you'Te marked for the same roon."
"Well, clerk" replied the Kentuchian,
quickly, "won't you just show me up,
then, for Pm d1ofaI sleepy