Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1869-11-26
Mark Twain in Hayti.

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MARK TWAIN, of the Buffalo Erpress Is
interesting the readers Of his newspaper
with a series OF papers upon the various
countries of the world, which he adyer.
tises as written Jointly by himself and
Prof ID. X. Ford The present is No. of
the collection, and concerns the writer s
imaginary adventures in Hayti. Mr..
Twain observes casually that the Pro
lessor is about to sail from San Francisco
TO Japan, and, of course, could not run
back to visit Hayti yet, as it was manifest
that Hayti ought to be visited at once, MIR.
Twain determined to grapple with the
duty single-handed, and has, accordingly,
interviewed" the country. On landing
he entrusts the carriage of his yalise to
one OF an enormous crowd of small negro
boys, who assail him for the purpose of
eNtorting money for that service. He is,
however, unprepared for tho demand,
made ON his arrival at his hotel, of 5000,
and, as he pathetiCally observes himself,
taints ON the spot We remember that Mr.,
Artemus Ward, another member of the
class OF humorists to which Mark Twain
belongs, used to- have an exceedingly
amusing expression of ".fainting in two
Lplaces on, such occasions. Mr.. Twain, on
recoyerin his emotion, hands 81, 900 note
to the urchin, whom he describes as " de.
pending solely on his personal comehness
for attractiveness-he has nothing ON hut
a shirt" and who walks off cooiy, Mr..
Twain intimates to the bystanders that he
has 800 change to receive, and demands
restitution, whereupon he is told that the
people don't think much of trifie like
that in Hayti. He goes out for a stroll,
and after meeting two or three bodies of
soldiers going off to a neighboring battle,
comes across a gentleman who announces
that he is proceeding to the top ola hill in
the neighborhood, to takea good place for
another battle, which he feels sure will come
Off thereabouts shortly. This native OBJ.
serves that he will take 1t as a considera.
glass NA,Ich Nc carries over his shoulder.
l said did not care. particularly to
part with it, but still, what would he give
He said ,..4- .l.snr.i r.r... =. ID.
al Lam willing to pay 10000" .o..t o..
~ "Whatp" Ilaa FssiHlai .at.I .s.1.r.... .
"Forty thousand dollars.n ,s. 80 srr
"My friend, are you insane?" r.h
He took package out of a sort of KNAPP
sack which was slung about him, and de-
'hberately counted out forty new wand hand
some 81 900 Haytien greenbaeks. We ex-
changed. felt small and mean thus to
take advantage of lunatic, but then
what would you have done / then re-
sumed my journey, with an unusually
sneaSing expression in my countenance
However, Mr.. Twain speedily discovers
that the price has been by no means ex7
'orbitant, and that other articles are
charged for by their possessors in anequal
ratio. He begins to imagine that his intel
lect must be deranged, and thus describes
his sensation r1 s0" Hra arr r 81
= "Stunned and dizzy, I hurried TO my
room and threw myself on the bed, almost
satisfied that had lost my reason. ap-
piled tests Irepeated the multiplication
table without making a mistake. 1t was
plain that my apprehension of numbers
was unimpaired repeated, OFhe hoy
stood on the burning deck without a
blunder. 1t was plain that my memory
was sound. read one of Mrs. Brown
ing's poems and clearly understood some
of it, 1t was plain that my intellectual
faculties were in a condition of even un-
usual vigor Then whatip. .tha world was
the matter? Had not suddenly devek
oped a monomania-a craziness about
money, only yY'1 rrap tFH "'
While he is engaged in these dismal re-
Elections, a knock comes to his door, and
a charming widow enters, who implores
his assistance in most moving terms to
enable her to return to America, The
insurgents had destroyed her property,
and she was left destitute and in debt
The friendly captain of a schooner would
give her a free passage, and all her trades
men were willing TO forgive her their
debts but two, the butcher and baker, 10
whom she owed but small s,Ims 1t was
to pay these debts that She desired help
from Nj n He could not miss go small