Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-05-14
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..Oh. ma" said a little girl who had been
to the show, 1--WE seen the elephant and
he walks backwards and eats with his tail =
A lazy fellow lying down on the ground,
said, ..Oh, how [ do wish this was called
work, and well paid for
sJane," said a wag, ''its all over own y
Whats all over town. Mud !" James
eyes dropped.
Some descendent of Solomon has wisely
remarked that those who 60 to law for dam
ages are sure to get them.
.'Leave you, my FRIEND" said a tipsy fell
low, clinging to a lamp-post on a dark night;
leave you in a condition not to take care of
yourself! (hic) never.
A debating society had under considera-
ton the question, ''Is it wrong to cheat a
LAWYER 2" The decision arrived at was,
''No, but impossible"
A girl in a deaf and dumb asylum was
asked to explain the use and meaning Of the
syllable "dis." She went to the blackboard
and wrote 'tBoys love to play, but girls
love to display.
When J. W. B., Esq, Of the Philadel-
phia bar, failed, all the property returned
by him consisted ola pew in the church and
a vault in a graveyard. He said that his
creditors might sit in the pew ifthey pleased,
and if they had any desire to be buried in
his vault. they had his hearty consent.
A Hardshell Baptist preacher in Wash
ington city lately took for his text ''God
made man in his own image" He then
commenced can honest man Is the noblest
work Of God" Then he made along pause;
and looked searchingly about the audience,
and then exclaimed, But [ opine God AL
mighty hasn't had a job in this city for nigh
onto fifteen years"
"Pa," said a young hopeful the other
day, "didn't l hear you say you wanted a
cider press 2"
eyes, my son !; where can | get one p
asked the parent.
"Why you jest try Jake Stokes. By
the way he Rugged sister Sal the other
night, out by the gate, | should think he
might be about the thing you want"
Sal suddenly left to see the things in the
kitchen, and the old gent recollected that he
had not ''seen to the piece of fence that
neighbor Jones' critters broke down the 9TH
other day."
WANTED--"A LRBDLE DRuNK."-"I
wants to get a drunk" said a Teuton the
other day to a person he met in tho street !;
''where I gets EN-, hey ~
"Want to get a drink? well, I reckon
you can get that at any saloon in town,
where benzine is sold. There is a place over
the way. for instance" pointing to a saloon
across the street.
x'.Teuton went across to the saloon Saloon
keeper got out a glass mechanically, with a
look that seemed to say 'well what is it {"
Scan [ get a drunk'e vile 2"
"Get drunk's you'er a mind ter, If you
only pay for it." was the reply. "Got whis-
ky I'll warrant to fetch you if you drink
enough of it"
$50 Mich yer stay, I don't want to get
drunk like as ter tifels: I only want to puy
Won leedle drunk"
IF you only want a little drunk. better
60 and drink red vine. Don't keep IL here
keep stuff for a big drunk-that's all"
"Nein, neiD, nein; I want a drunk to
geep in mine clothes, to lock mine key up.
unit to take mo along Won der railroad car
travels in me to Nj York all e while"
"Oh. you want a trunk why didn't you
say SO in the first place =? There is a trunk
store over the way, if that's what you want
Yah, dat is RIGHT" and Teuton shot across
the street to secure his ''leedle drunk"
NICELY CAUGHT At the masked fire.
mans ball in New Orleans. week before last,
a grey and handsome man who refused to
take bis wife to the ball on the plea of bust
ness. was much struck by a stranger, a lady
in a mask. On her he exerted ali his fasci-
nation.
"Oh, sir. you quite put me out with your
fhttery l suspect you are a married man."
said the lady.
"No, indeed but I confess q willingness
to get married since [ have had the pleasure
OF seeing you" was the gallant reply.
Indeed! but you haven't seen my face
yeti"
'No, but I know it is beautiful. The ex-
quisite that accompanies everything you do
ana say Tell We as much"
'tIndeed p
~ think so but you will no longer deny
me that satisfaction, for I assure you, lady.
l am deeply in love with you"
"Indeed p
sit is true. Until I met you to night
women have look to me homely and com
mon-place."
"Oh, you are jesting."
"Indeed, I am not"
"And you never loved any one before ~
"Never! Your sex appeared to me all
ways deceitful, and my heart refused them
all sympathy. but for you I feel a passionate
attraction I bave no power Or inclination to
resist"
"Can this be true p
1T is, indeed"
land you wish to see my face {"
II am mad with impotence, since it will
be the only face my heart will ever miror.-
1t has upon it now a rival impression
"You are SO persuasive I can no longer
deny the privilege-look p' and the mask was
removed.
1t was his wife.
1.-THE devil :" said the discounted Bepe-
dict, indulging in a prolonged whistle
"Oh, no, my dear, only the face that has
no rival impression on yoar hearth"
Say. Mary, let's call it square and go
home"
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