The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1869-04-15
The Sorrows Of a Congressman.

4
Cincinnati Commercial SD. Ply thus
illustrates the sufferings of new mem
| Der of Congress at present session.
+ A NEW MEMBER.
I was at work In my room yesterday,
stalked In.
Are you D. P?'' he asked
Since entering upon my vocation OF
correspondent, I mean truthful, indie
| pendent correspondent, | regard that
question with suspicion. Iquietly reach
| ed out, and In careless, graceful manner
put my right hand on paper weight of
few pounds, made of Black diamond
homogeneous assisted, bent cold for
the use of the learned Committee, and
regarded my visitor closely
He was a man Of about fifty-six, with
bald head, curious, sharp, little eyes, an
undecided nose, and chin that retreated
into paper collar. His clothes were of
what we call store goods, in the far West
and had evidently exhausted the genius
of village tailor His legs were slender
habit of never Strengthening them at the
knee | said to myself this is not
fightest. He shuflles through. He has
shuffied into office. So | released ny
hold on the paper weight and boldly re-
sponded:
That is my name, sir.
l am -, member of Congress from
-. | have read your letters. Mr.
the editor of our paper, told me to look
you up"
ST am glad to know you, sir Take
seat: What can [ do for your
81 want some passes, he said earnest,
ly seating himself.
''What sort of passes ?''
RAILROAD. !"
81 fear cannot help you IN that way,
Mr.. l had pass for myself and
family, from the Baltimore and Ohio
Railroad, but because, in return for the
compliment, [ said the President had
locomotive in his belly, [ am cut off.
And why do you want passes? Are you
preparing to run away p
Il wish 1 could ?' he answered sadly.
II wish I could. No, that is not it. 7
am run down by Office seekers from my
ing house. [ have been sleeping every
night, on my bedroom floor. They fol-
low me about, and chase me down. They
have smoked all my cigars and drank all
my whisky, and now they are getting out
of money, they want to borrow. | heard
where to find you; [ made an excuse to
SO into an alley, and [ run away. A po
lice officer thought [ was thief, and ran
after me. [ told him [ was a member of
Congress, running from the of6ce-seekers.
He said it was ruff, and let me go. There
is one, woman, worse than all the rest.
She wants the best post-office l have.
What in the Internal jinks does Grant
mean by setting such an example? All
the females in my district are writing to
me, and two hundred will be here some
how, If we don repeal this fool law and
fill the offices. This woman torments my
life out; and yet if give her the Office l
won't dare go home She follows me up
like Satan. [ can't eat, | can't sleep, [
can't put on 4 clean shirt, she pops in on
me so unexpected. Now, if [ had
railroad pass
'.How would that help your"
II believe, if [ could say to her, [ can't
give you an office, but here is railroad
love you, / want hundred. They'cr
getting out of money, l tell you, and if |
only had 'em. Now can't you help me?
LOU newspaper iIleIi lidYc lOlS VI ptSoeS.
The editor In our town hasn't paid rail-
road fare for more n twenty years:
L had to assure my poor friend that L
really could not help him. [ suggested
to him to have sign painted, '',SmaU poe
IN His house." and put it over the door.
POOH" he cried, edo you suppose
they care for that? Every bloody one
of EN- would get vaccinated, and work in
on me-Cholera would not keep EN- off.
[ wish I'd been in eternal thunder before
[ consented to come to Congress. Con-
sented? [ worked like muel for it. 1t
cost me all of eight hundred dollars
more fool |. What can do? My neigh
bors and constituents wanted national
dog law. for the better protection of sheep,
and to raise the price Of wool. Why, It
would take fellow two years to learn the
rules, and then [ don't think | could do
hoooter. But cuss these ofioe-seekers. !"
''You are safe on the floor however. !"
Devil bit They get round the
doors, and send In their ne mes. They
run up in the gallery, and see if I'm
there, and then down they come; | hid
in the barbershops every day for week,
before they found me out And then,
Litlebang, who wants to be Minister to
Europe, wrote home to the paper, and
said [ had been made Chairman of the
Standing Committee on Hair.
How long my friend would have con-
tinued his lamentations [ cannot say, but
he was interrupted by an arrival of six
teen of his friends, and left very detected.