Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-02
The Noble Red Man.
BY MARK TWAIN.

BY MARK TWAIN.
The noble red man has always been
darling of mine. | love to read
about him in tales and legends and
romances. | love to read of his in
spired sagacity; and his love of the
wild free life of mountain and forest;
and his grand truthfulness, his hatred
of treachery, and his general nobility
of character; and his metaphorical
manner of speech, and his chivalrous
love for his dusky maiden; and thepic-
turesque pomp of his dress and &C
coutrement. When found the shops
at Niagara Falls full of dainty Indian
beadwork, and stunning moccasins,
and equally stunning toy figures rep
resenting human beings, who carried
their weapons in holes bored through
their arms and bodies, and had feet
shaped like pie, was filed with
emotion. | knew that now at last, l
was going to come face to tace with
the noble Red Man. A lady clerk in
shop told me, that all her grand ar
ray of curiosities were made by the
Indians, and that there were plenty
about the falls, and that they were
friendly, and that it would not be
dangerous to speak to them. And
sure enoughas approached the bridge
leading over to Lena Island, | came
upon noble old Son of the Forest,sit-
ting under tree diligently at work
on bead reticule. He wore a sloueh-
ed hat and brogans, and had a short
black pipe in his mouth. Thus does
the baneful contact with our efemi-
nate civilization dilute the picturesque
pomp which is so natural to the Indian
when far removed from US in his ma
tive haunts. I addressed the relic as
| follows:
TIs the Wawhoo-Vang-Wang of the
Wack-a Whack happy? Does the great
Speckled Thunder sigh for the war
path, or is his heart contented with
dreaming of his dusky maiden, the
Pride of the Forest? Does the mighty
sachem yearn to drink the blood Of
his enemies, or is he satisfied to make
bead reticules for the papooses of the
pale-face )? Speak sublime relic of
bygone grandeur-yenerable ruin,
speak! p
The relic said:
"An' is it meself, Dennis Hooligan,
that ye'd be takin' for bloody Injun,
ye drawlin', lantern;jawed, spider
legged divil! By the piper that play
ed before Moses, I'll ate yer
went away from there.
By-and-bye, in the neighborhood Of
Terrapin Tower,I came upon a gentle
daughter of the aboriginees, in fringed
and beaded buckskin moccasins and
leggins, seated on bench with her
pretty wares about her. She had Just
carved a wooden chief that had a
strong resemblance to a clotheSpin,
and was now boring a hole through
his abdomen to put his bow through
| hesitated a moment, and then ad-
dressed her:
Is the Laughing-Tadpole lonely -?
Is the heart of the forest maiden
heavy? Does she mourn over extin-
guished councils fires of her race and
the vanquished glory of her ances-
tors? Or does her sad spirit wander
far towards the hunting-grounds whith,
er her brave Gobbler-of-the Lightnings
is gone? Why is my daughter silent ?
Has she aught against the pale-face
stranger ?"
The maiden said:
"Faix, an is Biddy Malone We dare
to be calm names Lave this. or III
shy your lean carcass over the catha-
ract, We shiveling blagyard!'
| adjourned from there also.
"Confound these Indians" | said ;
" they told ME they were tame, but if
appearances should go for anything,
l should say they were all on the war
paths"
| made one more attempt to frater-
nize with them, and only one. came
upon a camp of them gathered in the
shade of great tree, making wan
pun and moccasins, and addressed
them in the language Of friendship:
"Noble Red Men, Braves, Grand
Sachems, War Chiefs, Squaws, and
High-you-M -Muck-a- -Mucks, the pale-face
from the land of the setting sun greets
you! You, Benefcent Polecat-you
Devourer of Mountains-you, Roaring
Thundergust-you, Bully-boy with-a-
Glass-Eye-the pale-face from beyond
the great waters greets you all War
and pestilence have thinned our ranks
and destroyed our once proud nation
Poker and seyen-up, and vain mod,
ern expense for soap, unknown to your
glorious ancestors, have depleted your
purses. Appropriating in your sim
plicity the property of others has got
ten you into trouble. Misrepresenting
facts, in your sinless innocence, has
damaged your reputation with the
soulless usurper. Trading for 40-rod
whiskey, to enable you to get drunk
and happy and tomahawk your fami
lies, has played the everlasting mis-
chief with the picturesque pomp of
your dress, and here you are, in the
broad light of the 9th century, gotten
up like the ragtag-and-b d-bobtail of the
purlieus of New York. For shame
Remember your ancestors Recall
their mighty deeds! Remember Un
cas- and Red Jacket! and Hole-in- the
Day! and Horace Greeley Emulate
their achievements! Unfurl yourself
under my banner, noble savages, il
lustrious guttersnipes-"
"Down wild himp'
Scoop the blagyard r'
"Hang him r
Burn him p
"Dhrownd himr'
1t was the quickest operation tha
: ever was. I simply saw sudden flasl
in the air of clubs, brickbats, fists