The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-07-16
ORANGE HOUSE, FRIDAY MORNING JULY l6 1869
JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
DRIED FRUIT.

When rooster crows he crows all
over.
Error will slip thru crack, while
truth will git stuck in doorway.
The man who haz just found out he
kant afford to burn green wood haz
taken hiz fust lesson in ekonomy.
There IL only one thing that kan beat
truth, and that liz he who alwus speaks
iU.
1t IL hard work, at fust sight, tew see
the wisdum of rattle-snaik bite, but
thare il thousands ov folks who never
think ov their sins until they are bit by
a rattle-snaik.
Thare iz CRATE deal ov humin ma
tur in II crab; ii yu don't pick them up
in the right way yu will diskover it.
think now, if had all the money
that is due me, would invest it in a
saw mill and then 'let her rip"
Take the humbugg out of this world
and yu wont hav much left tew do biz
illness with.
Faith and curiosity are the gin cock
tails of suckcess.
Advertising IL sed to be a certain
means of suckcess; some folks are so
impressed with this truth, that 1t sticks
OuJ ON Illelr IOUlUSlulI.
Thare liz this difference between ig-
norance and error; ignorance IL stone
blind, and error liz near sighted; ignor-
ancc stands still and error only moves
TO run ag.n post.
Ekonomy IL a saving band, inGo which
men drop pennys, and git dollars In re-
turn.
There IL one thing yu kant put out,
and that is yure consclence; yu may
smother it, but like u coal pit, it kon-
tains the charred remains.
The two richest men now living in
| America that kno ov, liz the one who
haz got the most money, and the other
who wants the least; and the last one IL
the happiest ov the two.
Ceremony liz the necessity of phools;
good breeding IL the luxury o, the
wise.
4 Tew be agreeable liz simply tew be
easily pleaZed-if this liz so, how easy
and pleasant it IL tew be agreeable.
He whom the good praize and the
wicked hate ought tew be satisfied with
his reputashuI.
There IL menny who wont know an
nything but what they kan prove-this
akounts for the little they know. Most
they sskant serve God and maumOn
| too," and so they serve mammon.
! Eccentricitys, most ov them, are mere
vanity; Danish the excentrik man into
| a wilderness and he soon bekums as
natural az tudstool. A pure heart iz
like looking glass; it keeps no sekrets
and dispenses no flaCtery.
A cheerful old man, or old woman, IL
| like the sunny side ov wood-shed, III
| the last of winter.
Avarice IL like graveyard; it takes
all that it kan git, and gives nothing
back:
Paint humning bird, sucking honey
from flower, and yu have got very
good picture ov love, trieipg tew liN
upon bdty.
| The best invention kno ov liz chari
| ty; yu git yure principal back immedi
ately, and draw dividend every time
you think ov it.
Everything on this earth is bough
anil sold, except air and water, and they
would be if kind Creator had MOI
made tho supply tew crate for the de
| mand.
A good book is like good law.
Politeness looks well to me in every
man, except ais Undertaken.
"Familiarty breeds contempt" This
only applies tew men, not tew hot buck
wheat slap .kakes, we'll buttered ant
sugared.
a mans repItashuni is something like
his coat; thare is certain kemikols tina
VIII take the stains and grease spots on
ov it, but it alwuz has a second-handet
kind ov look, and generally smell
strong Of the kemikals.
We are happy in this world just il
proporshun as we make others happy :
i stand reddy ew bet fifty dollars oil
this saying!
Politeness IL the science of gettin.
down on your knees before folks with
out getting your pants dirty.
The mizer and glutton, two facetiou
buzzards-one hides hiz store and tin
| other stores hiz hide.
Credit iz like chastity-they both o.
EN- kan stand temptashun better thai
they kan suspicion,-"Netc Porh WeeIc
~"