Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-04-06
Our Spice Boo.

OtE OE/GCO A1OCN'
Bent on an obect-A dog's tail.
The woman's question-'Is he rich?'
Dogs arc the greatest wags' we have.
The question with flaw in 1.-THE rent ques
ton.
How to punish hungry man-drive steak
in him.
I have ''struck the lyre," as the chap said
when he knocked down a sanderer.
Some enemy of the phair sex remarks that
the oldest woman's club is the broomstick.
Lotte, said little sister, what makes your
kitten so cross? Oh, cause he is cutting teeth
| spect.
There is a girl in Lexington whose voice is so
very sweet that she is hired by the CONNECTION
err to wrap her words in notices for bonbons.
A railroad out West is safe to travel on, as
the superintendent keeps little boy to go ahead
of the train to drive off the COWS and sheep.
There is a. man in California so mean that he
wishes his landlord to reduce the price OF his
board, because he has had two teeth extracted.
A great fuss has been made about dollar
Jewelry," buS if you want to make really
cheap present to your sweetheart, give her
dime and pin.
A man came all the way from Mint Spring
to Stanton last week, and on his arrival said,
eff the world was as big other way as 1t was
this, it was whopper J.
An exchange says that farmer cured his
daughter Of the Grecian bend, by throwing
water on her and then laying her In the sun
till she warped" back to the old place again.
The Memphis Avalanche says next to the
obituary of the man who invented the accor-
deon, the adjournment Of Tennessee Radical
Legislature is the most cheerful reading we can
conceive of.
A story is going the rounds, Of a party of la
dies who were caught in shower having the
color washed from their cheeks. A lady at our
elbow thinks the color of some gentlemen S no
ses coudn be wrshed out without water
spout-some Of them would have to go through
patent wringer besides.
Mrs Spriggs, will you be helped to piece
Of the turkey?' ~ es, my dear Mr. Williams,
will - ''What part will you prefer my dear
Mrs. Spriggs?" Il will have the two wings,
a couple of the legs portion OF the breast, q
little gravy, and sausage or two to begin with
as have felt very unwell all day !!
WEBsTER's UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY. =
This is beyond doubt the best and most COM
plete dictionary of the English language ever
published The labor and research bestowed
by the editors in its revision are apparent on
every page. On the whole as dictionary and
repository of useful information it stands with
out a rival. Nashville Dispatch.
4 farmer who was sympathizing with his
neighbor Jones on the death OF his son, said :
You should remember, Mr.. Jones, there is
no loss without some gain. John, you remenl-
her WAS alWaVS a mOnStrOuS eater,
Il know he was, replied the bereaved pa
rent, but to think he was laid up all winter,
and died just in haying time is pretty tough
neighbor Jenkins pretty tough.
Our WEST. The Frog Spring Herald says
There is man in town who claims to be the
man that murdered Sheriff White some months
ago. We consider him an impostor, seeking
admission into society above his level, and hope
people will stop inviting him to their houses
The Dog Rancho Weekly Hot0l says: "A
stranger wearing stove pipe hat and boiled
shirt arrived in town yesterday and put up at
the Nugget House. The boys are having a
good time With that hat this morning. The
funeral will take place at three o'clock. Dog
Rancho is unhealthy for swells. :"
An Ohio paper has the following lurid para
graph For the information of the gentle
man who CLEANS faggots in our wood-shed after
night, we state that we nave contracted Tor q
large load of excellent hickory wood, which we
propose to watch occasionally. armed with a
shotgun loaded with broken glass and gimlets.
AS precautionary measure, we suggest to the
Individual aforesaid that he wear skillet in
the seat of his breeches upon future occasions
when he may deem it prudently proper to visit
our premises and that wood taken from our
yard be carefully examined before it is used as
several sticks have been prepared with a COM
pound which, when placed upon the fire, will
get up an earthquake In much less time than
the ordinary method.
The editor Of the Erie Gazette, no doubt
tired Of the old system of apprenticeship, thus
advertizes for boy: Wanted at this office,
boy to take sheets from the press every
Wednesday and Monday afternoon. No limits
as to salary, and the said boy is to consider that
the said office exists for his special convenience.
If he dom feel well, or wants to go fishing or
play marbles, or see match games of base ball,
or go shopping with his girl, or visit his cousin,
the paper will wait his sovereign pleasure.
Anybody who presumes to critcise his efforts
is to be Immediately arrested for contempt
All the boys he knows are to have free run of
the Office The editor time is to be exclu-
sively at the aforesaid boys disposal Salary
to be drawn several years before A boy pos
sesslng these qualifications, please report where
he can be found, and what time a deputation
Of printers may call upon him. and respectfully
present references Of good character on the
part of the office and its employees Please
write for postage stamps and monogram gilt
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