Des Arc weekly citizen., 1869-01-05
sALMAGuNDr.


 D6-If man be given to liquor, let not liquor be given to him.
 s0-Ifa mans wife is we'll bread, he never wants any butcher.
 ED- Motto for the female suffragists- "Once more into the brooches, dear friends"
 @Lifc without love, is like bird without song, garden without flow CTS, trees without leaves, night without stars, and day without light.
 Rg- Says Kate to her new husband, "John, what rock does true love build upon2' Quoth John, and grinned from ear to ear, "The rock of wonder cradle. dear"
 reFWe cannot name, nor can any one name a single battle in which the Federal troops defeated Confederate force equal to themselves in number No such incident either upon large or small scale, occurred during the four years. That's one of the truths of his- tory, and not all the world can make it ought but truth.-Louisville Courier.
 Coop FOR PoLLARD.-In recent ar- ticle in his magazine, the "Land We Love,a Gen. D. H.. Hill, in noticing Pollard, the wrectched historian of the Lost Cause," says of him and his history:
 "There was not drummer or col ored servant iD Lees army who had not more accurate knowledge of the battles of the late war than the bomb- proof penny-a-liner who set himself up as their chronicler." rsa
 REMOVING DIsABIEITIEs.-A Wash ington special to the New Orleans Times makes the following announce ment: p sgs
 A close canvass of the sentiment of members of Congress discloses a dis position to remove the disabilities of citizens in all the Southern States, and there is scarcely doubt that at this session bill will pass both Houses placing the people of the severul States South on-an equal footing as to the elective franchise.
 Dsg- Our "Jim" has precocious nephew-a lad just three years old. Playing with his kitten yesterday, Miss Kitty 'got her back up" about some- thing (kittens, as well as folks, often get their backs up,) and scamperea over the floor. Little nephew was delight ed, and sang out:
 Look. ma, kittens got Grecian bendw
 "What's the Grecian bend, my son?" asked his ma.
 Why. dittin the back and tail up just like kitten."
 nW-A romantic pair in Pennsylvania are blessed with a number of daugh- ters. The eldest was called Caroline, the second Madeline, the third Eye- line, the fourth Angs-line, when To! the fifth made it's appearance, and no name could be found with the desired termination. Determined, however, to flight it out in that line if it took all summer" the parents atlength bounced up name very popular in their neigh- borhood, and forthwith the baby was called Crino-line.
 gE~A schoolmaster. after giving one of his pupils sound drubbing for speaking bad grammar, sent him to the other end of the room to inform boy that he wished to speak to him, and at the same time promised to repeat the dose if he spoke to him ungramatical- ly. The youngster, being quite satis- fled with what he got determined to be exact, and thus addressed his fellow pupil: "A common substantive of the masculine gender, singular number, nominative case, and in an angry mood, that sits perched upon the emil hence at the other end of the room, wishes to articulate few sentences to you in the present tense."
 How MUCH, MARM?-A clerk in dry goods store retired one night, having for his bed-fellow an acquaintance dating back to school days. Our iu- formant slept in the next room adjoin- ing, the door of which was partly open. In the middle of the night he says he was awakened from sleep by hearing the clerk in loud tone of voice ex- claim, "how many yards did you say you wanted, marm? Three yards enough?' and the next thing heard tearing noise, and the bed-fellow of the clerk shouted out, sswhat are you doing -you have torn my shirt from top to bottoml" The poor dreamer imagined himself ill his store waiting on lady customer, who wanted three yards of calico. The shouts sofmerriment which the event created can well be imagined.
 
 TIE CooN AND THE CARPET BADGER. -The Baton Rouge Advocate is re- sponsible for the following good story of coons and carpet-baggers:
 ''ls that coon lively? P
 ''Oh, yes sir" replied the black possessor of as wild specimen as ever made tracks in the Comite swamp.
 Well, Iwant a real lively fellow; put him on that root" pointing to the lower knob of very tail oak, "and