The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1869-11-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

CHEAT man Is most calm IN storms, q
lite one most stormy In calms.
Lovers, like armies, get along very well
until they are engaged.
HAPPINESS grows at our 6resde, and Is
not TO be picked up in strangers gardens.
The moment a man is satisfied with him
sell, everybody else il dissatisfied with him.
The editor of a Connecticut paper tsle-
graphed the other day to Col. A. II. Penn,
at Plymouth: "Send US full particulars Of
the HDod." Fem replied "You'll flnd
them in Genesis"
| A MONEY HUNTER being about to marry q
fortune, q friend asked him how long the
honeymoon would last. "Don't talk to me
Of the honeymoon" be replied, sit is the
harvest moon with me-"
'sMy SON." said an old man, beware Of
prejudices; they are like old rats, and mems
minds are like the traps; prejudices get IN
easily, but it is doubtful they ever get out"
"MR. jews, you said you were connected
with the fine arts; do you mean that you
are sculptor ?" fNo, sir, I don't sculp
myself, but furr 4 the stone 70 the man
who does"
"AH n said Sunday school-teAcher, "Ca-
roline Jones, what do you think you would
have been without your father and mother ?"
Il suppose, mum" said Oarolins, 81 suppose
as | should ha' been horphan."
AN editor in New Jersey brings delinquent
subscribers to his counter by publishing
obituary notices OF them. When they have
paid up arrears, he contradicts the report Of
their death By saying they were only "dead
BEATS
81 CANNOT imagine" said an Alderman,
why my whiskers should turn gray so much
sooner than the hair Of my heAd." "Be.
cause" said a wag, "you have worked 50
much harder with your jaws than with your
brain"
"WE ARE THE PEoPLE."-It has been said
that an Irishman is at peace only when he
is in quarrel q ScOtchman at home only
when he is abroad an EnglishmAn content
ed when finding fault with something or
somebody; and busy, clustering, impetOus
American is at the height Of felicity only
while be Il in all these tumultuous conditions
at the same time.
WIFE was undressing little four-y year-oll
Charley the other evening He silently felt
Of his chubby arms q little while, and then,
looking up into his mothers face, he said
mamma, who m1de me r.
"rhe good man Cp in the sky," answered
mamma.
Charley turned a steady, sober, searching
look through the tree-tops up into the clear,
beautiful, star-lIt sky for a moment, and then
Instantly capped the climax with the Impor-
tant question:
"B1t, mamma, who took me DOWN."
AT a so-cAlIed spiritual sitting i n Hartford
recently there was a woman who mourned
the loss Of her cOnsort and, as the mauifes-
cations began to appear, the spirit OF the de-
parted Benedict entered upon the scene OF
course the widow was now eager to engage
in conversation with the absent one, and the
following dialogue ensued
WidOw-"Are you in the spirit world ?"
The Lamented-"l am"
Widow-"How long have you been therrs"
The Llmented-"O, sometimes"
Widow-"DJn't you want to come back
and be with your lonely wife 2"
The Llmented-"Not Il | know myself.
It's hot enough here -
REGIMENrAL REGREr-The drill-instructor
Of an old regiment Of the line-one Of the old
stamp Of martinez sergeants-whO was the
terror Of every recruit, and the remorseless
tyrant Of the awkward squad, was putting
gr ng party through the funeral exercise.
Having opened the ranks, so as to admit the
passage Of the supposed c0rtege between
them, the instructor ordered the men to rest
on their arms reversed. Then, by way ol
practical explanation, he walked slowly down
The lane formed by the two ranks, sayi1g.aI
he moved, "Now | am the corpse. Pay at
tention." Having reached the end Of the
party, he turned round, regarded them
steadily with a scrutinizing eye for me-
ment or two, and then remarked, in most
solemn tone Of voice, "Your lands is right,
and your 'eads ID right but you az 'nt got
that look OF regret you ought to 'av."