Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1869-10-28
putting Up Stoves.

We do not remember the exact
date of the invention Of stoves, but it
was some years ago. Since then
mankind have been tormented, once
year, by the difficulties that beset
the task Of putting up and getting
the pipes fixed. With all our Yankee
ingenuity, no American has ever in
vented any method by which the la
Dor Of putting up a stove can be les
sened. The job is as severe and vex-
atious as humanity can possibly en-
dure, and gets more SO every year.
Men always put up their stoves on
rainy day. Why, we know not; but
we never heard Of an exception to
the rule. The first step to be taken
Is to put on Il very old and ragged
coat, under the impression that when
he gets his mouth full of plaster it
will keep his bosom clean. Next the
operator gets his hand inside the
place where the pipe ought to go,
blacks hts fingers, and then he care
fully makes black mark down one
side of his nose. 1t is impossible to
make any Roadway, in doing this
work, until this mark is made down
the side Of his nose. Havinghis face
properly marked, the victim is ready
to begin the ceremony. The head Of
the family, who is the big goose of
the sacrifice, grasps one side of the
bottom of the stove, and his wife and
the hired girl take hold of the other
side. In this way the load is started
from the woodshed to the parlor.
Going through the door the head of
the family will carefully swing his
side Of the stove around and jam his
thumb nail against the door post.
This part of the ceremony is never
omitted. Having got the family
comfort in place, the next thing is to
find theIegs. Two Of these are left
inside the stove since the spring be-
fore. The other two must be hunted
after for twenty-five minutes. They
are usually found under the coal.
Then the head of The family holds up
one side of the stove while his wife
puts two Of the legs in place, and he
next holds up the other side while
the other two are fixed, and one Of
the first two falls out. BY the time
the stove is on its legs he becomes
reckless, and takes off his old coat,
regardless of his linen. Then he
goes for the pipe, and gets two Gin
ders in his eyes. It don't make any
difference how well the pipe was put
up last year; it will always be found
little too short or a little too long.
The head Of the family jams his hat
over his eyes, and taking a pipe un-
der each arm, goes to thetinshop to
have them fixed. When he gets
back he steps upon one of the best
parlor chairs to see IL the pipe Ats,
and his wife makes him get down for
fear he will scratch the varnIsh from
the chair with the nails in his boot
heels. In getting down he will step
on the cat, and may thank his stars
it is net the baby. Then he gets an
old. chair, and climbs up to the chin
ney again, to find that in cutting of
the pipe the end has been left too big
for the hole in the chimney. So he
goes to the woodshed and splits one
side Of the end of the pipe with an,
old ak, 'aisd squeezes'ft IN his hands to
make tt smaller. Finally he gets the
pipe in shape, and finds that the stove
does not stand true. Then himself
and wife and the hired girl move the
stove to the left, and the legs fall out
again. Next Il y to move to the
right. More trouble now with the
legs, Moved to the front little.
+ Elbow not even with the hole in the
chimney, and the head Of the family
goes to the woodshed after some little
blocks. While putting the blocks
under the legs the pipe comes out OF
tAs chimney, That Semedied, the