davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10
Amusing Paragraphs.

Cold comfort ice in n hot day.
"A man of magnificent presents Pea
body.
Can a butting contest between two
darkeys be considered q "skulling match"
The Detroit police are making war
on geese, which il n very ungallant family
quarrel for M~ichi-ganders 10 be engaged in.
John John !" shouted an old gentle
mar to his son, ''get mp; tho sun ia mp be-
fore you" Every we'll" said John; che
has further to go than we have"
The statement that Commodore Van
derbilts daughter teaches her daughter to
mend stockings, il now said to be Il damod
lie.
A little boy, disputing with his sister
on a certain subject, exclaimed: 'It's true,
for ma says so, and if ma says 80, it's sol
il amt 3d."
The Hornellsyille Times regrets 10
learn that the Wild Man of Woodruff, after
climbing the lofty pine finally succeeded
IN pulling the tree mp after him and disap-
peared.
A correspondent says Washington So
ciety reminds one Of a bucket of lobst0rs.
Pick up the President (the top lobster),
and you raise every one in the bucket, clear
to the bottom.
Miss Susan b. Anthony insiBts that q
man and wife shall not sleep together. The
furniture dealers Of Sandusky, Ohio, have
read Susan's article, and have named the
forlorn single besteads in use in hotels and
boarding houses "Susanthonies."
80 Josh Billings says: 'Menny people
spend their time in trying TO find the hole
whar sin got into the world. If two men
break through the ice into a mill-pond,
they had better hunt for some good hole to
GIT out, rather than git into a long argu
ment about the hole they fell in.
Pa offer thee this hand Of mine
II thou but had'st the dimes;
But purses short aud slim a. thine
Won't do for these hard times.
leave thee in thy wretchedness,
As one too poor 10 mate;
For love, you know, can only bless,
When based on real estate.
OF that celebrated and long-winded
divine, Zachary Boyd, the following story
is told: "ln 1861, Protector Cromell went
one Sunday to hear him preach. He in
weighed 10 uncompromisingly against Oil
yer, that Mr.. Secretary Tourlow proposed
to have the defiant and fearless minister
shot. Oromwells only answer was: He's a
fool, and you're another. I'll pay him out
in his own fashion So he asked Mr.. Boyd
to dinner, and he concluded the entertain
ment with u prayer that lasted three hours"
"A servant girl in Altoona recently tried
whiskey to kill rats. She sweetened Il with
sugar, soaked bread into it, and then left
the bread in the cellar where tho rats
most do congregate." She had been up
stairs but half an hour when she heard
laughing, singing aud a general hullabal-
loo down stairs. She accordingly vent
down to see what was the matter. ImaR-
inc her astonisbment to lind about halt b
dozen rats gloriouSy fuddled, engaged In
throwing potato parings at each other, and
hauling enc another up to drink.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10
GOOd Advice. this.

Nobody is more like an honest mau than
a thorough rogue. When you see a man
with n great deal of religion displayed in
bis shop window, You may depend upon it
he keeps n very small stock of II within.
Do not choose your friend by his looks;
handsome shoes often pinch the feet.
Don't be fond Of compliments; remember
''Thank You, pussy, and thank you,
pussy killed the cat. Don't believe
in the man who talks most; for
mewing cats are very seldom good
mouserS. by no means put yourself in All
other persons power; ifyou put your thumb
between two grinders, they are very apt to
bite. Drink nothing without seeing it, sign
nothing without reading il, and make sure
that it means no more than It says. Don't
90 to law unless you have nothing to lose
lawyers houses are built on fools heads. In
any business, never wade into water where
you cannot see the bottom. Putnodepend-
ence upon the label off bag; and count
money after your kin. See the sack open
before you buy what is in it; for he who
trades in the dark asks to be cheated. Keep
clear Of the man who does not value his
own character. Beware of the man who
swears, he who would blaspheme the
Maker would make no bones of lying OF
slealng' beware OF no man more than OF
yourself; we carry our worst enemies with
us. When n new opinion of doctrine
comes before you, donot bite till you know
whether 1t is bread or q stone; and DO moi
be sure that the gingerbread is good be.
cause of tue gilt on II. Never shout
halo till You are quite out of the
wood; and never cry fried fish until they
are caught in the net. There is alwayl
time enough to boast-wait o little longer
Don't throw away dirty water till You hay,
got clean; keep on scraping the roads til
You can get better work; for the poores
pay is better than none; aud the humbles
Office is better than being out Of employ
ment. Always give up the road to bull
and madmen, and never fight with a Goa
HEAVIER, on contend with a base character
for they viii be sure to blacken you, Rer
C. H. SpngeOH.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10
Recovery or q Lost Diamond Ring
Through n Dream,

A few nights ago u lady, while taking a
walk, lost a valuable diamond ring from her
finger in SOM accountable way. Dilligent
and extensive search was made. without
any clue to the ring, and the lady gave it
up as gone 'for good aud all. Before da y
light the following morning the lady was
surprised by the calls of her nurse, n small
negro girl, On being admitted TO her mis-.
tress, the girl, who had not heard of the
ring being lost, said she had just hada
dream in which she was appraised when,
where,and how the jewel had been lost, aad
that, il allowed she felt sure she could find
il. She then described fireplace and man.
ner in which the ring disappeared, and
begged her mistress to go with her and test
the dream. This strange circumstances
was made known 10 the household but all
treated IL with the utmost incredulity. II
was aiterward concluded to humor the girl,
however, anG, she and several white mem
bers Of the family proceeded to the desig-
mated spot. more than one hun
dred yards from the house. Here
the dreamer told her mistress that, as d.
rected in her dream, she must drop another
ring, and it would roll as q guide to the
missing one. A plain gold ring was hand
ed the girl; she let it fall, and sure enough
1t rolled and stopped within two inches OF
the lost diamond ring, which had got into
q crevice between two bricks of the pave
ment. II may be imagined that the ring
hunters were somewhat Gstounded at the
miracle. There is not the least fiction
about this curious dream and its result
LOdisUW, CO~urier-JOUrndL. .
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10
The Late Eclipse-An Old Negro and
Ills Chickens.
FROM the Utica Observer, Aug. "a.

lTolh INC NuCa OutcINttt aux Efs
DR.. Peters, the eminent astronomer con
nected with Hamilton College, went West
to observe the late eclipse Of the sun. -
While there an amusing incident occurred
which is told by q gentlemen present at the
timo, who says that the effect Of the eclipse
upon the animal creation has been exagger-
ated. Horses or cattle paid little or no at
tention. Creatures that are accustomed TO
go to some particular place OF dark did
start for their places, and undoubtedly in
some dismay. Birds we're apparently cs-
tonished 10y being suddenly caught out
late, and must have fancied that they had
absent mindedly neglected TO notice sun
set. They flew rapidly. An old rooster
took TO the fence aud folded himself up,
but In two minutes and hity-two seconds
he crowed Justify II was n very short night
to him.
Saturday morning DIR. Peters requested
an old negro living near his observatory TO
watch carefully, his big flock Of henr, for
at 4:45 they would 90 to roost. After the
eclipse was over he came, evidently much
excited. Chow was it," said the doctor.
Beats the debil, 81 said the negro. when
the darkness come ebry chick'n run for de
ho!ei in the barn. The fust ones got in, and
de next ones run ober one anudder, and the
last ones dey just squat right down in de
grass. How long you know dis ting was a
coming?" "Ohl I reckon we knew It more
than a year, said the doctor. Beats de
de5ill Here you away in New York knowd
q year ago what my chik'ns was pwine to DO
dis ebry afternoon, an you nebber see de
chik'ns atore nudderl'
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10

IGSoRAScE AND YIcE. From 1919 TO 1867
the number Of cOnyicts committed to the
Albany Penitentiary was 1892; 10, O.
men, and 4 735 women. OF these 5,GGl
could not read 1929 could read; S,432
could read and write; 2,3I5 were temper
ate; lG,047 intempemte; natives of the
United States, 1922; foreigners, 10, 40,
OF S0l persons committed in 1868, 3G7
could read and write, lG1 could read only,
273 could neither read or write; G28 admit
ted themselves 10 be Incorporate; l73
claimed 10 be temperate. These facts, like
those from all prisons, show that ignorance
and intemperance are the prolific sources
Of crime.
All "beer gardens" within the iurisdic-
ton of the Chicago authorities were closed
on last Sunday, and will not h~enceforth
on the Sabbath be allowed to open. Notice
is being given, also, that all billiard saloons
and ten-pin alleys must be closed on Sum
days. The law will be rigidly enforced re-
garding those places. Dancing is also pro-
scribed on the Sabbath in public halls,
gardens, etc,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10
I,ersnnnI Iiems.

Minister Nelson is said to be very pop
ular among the MeNicans.
The author of Tom Brown ut Oxford"
was the referee in the great boat race.
The Madrid Imperial calls Sickles one
of the "improyised heroes Of the Poto-
Samuel johnson, n prominent Boston
merchant, died = few days egos -He-lad
been a resident Of that city over 20 yeara
Fletcher, whom Dickens heralded in
the Atlantic, demand $500 per night in gold.
Joe Jefferson gets $500 per night w gwen
backs at Booths.
John II. Allen, of Nashville has In
making a ] 1000 pounds balloon, intended
TO take up ten persons OF the forthcoming
Tennessee State Fair.
-salazar. a member of Maximilimn's
Cabinet, whose estates we're eonfscatod by
Juaroz, is insane at Washington, and his
wife is destitute ut Geoi getown.
Mr.. William Henry Hurlbut, the ac-
complished collahorator Of the Hon. Manton
Marble in the World, has gone TO Boston TO
take leave of his Friends there on occasion
Of his approaching departure 10 attend the
Ecumenichl Council, in Rome, aud the
opening Of the Suez Canal in Egypt.
IA prominent mlnlBterf WHO went 10
Greenwich, Conn, lately, to make a pulpit
exchange with n brother minister, was, by
some blunder, arrested at the station under
suspicion Of being Implicated in the rob
bory Of a grocery store some ten miles dis
tant. ~"" rTT
Emile Girardin, the ablest journalist
in France, receives n salary of50, 900 francs
q year, rs managing editor Of la Liberie.
This is better pay than that said 10 be en-
ioyed 10y Mr.. Bigelow, aud Mr.. Curtis for
similar work, each of whom is reported TO
receive 10000 q year in %groenbacks.
Prince Arthur is described as tall and
slender, with n fine and faultlessly combed
head of brown hair, aud his youthful face
ornamonted with nn English pattern OF
whiskers and moustache, highly creditable
to the physiuni development Of n young
man OF nineteen. When he landed at
Halifax he wore a black dress coat, closely
buttoned, pants of light drab hue, a "oho-
ker" collar Of enormous size. and a black
silk tile e e. 2 4
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10
pOttrp.
paw TALK ANDoHURCn sCANDAL.


That tall young fellows here to-day,
1 wonder what's ms manner
His eyes are fixed upon our pew
DO look at Sally Dame.
WHO'S that lady dressed In green
-aT M can't be Mrs. LeHch,
There's Mrs. Jones with Deacon Gilrsl
-Iw6nd6f III he1lpreach.
Lend me our feu, tis go warm;
We BOth VII At 20 prayers;
Mourning becomes the widow Amcai
TIC New bonnet hares 81
Do look al Nancy Shoppers veil,
.Its fulla breadth too wilsi ga
1vopderif Susanna Ayres
Appears to-day as bridei
Lord. what a voice Jane Rice has got;
on. how that organ rOarai
f I'M gfnd we've left the singers seat5-
a 10 How hard Miss Johnson suorce,
rTf,F What ugly shawls there are In front
Doyou observe Ann Wtld2
Hernew straw bonnet's trimmed with black
I guess she's lost achtld.
I'm half as1eep-thatMf. Jduesl
His sermons arc 80 long r
This afternoon wen stay ot home
bra God And practice that new song.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10

The Jacksonville journal has a pretty
little romance Off pair ofstockipgs: There
is a very respectable lady now living in this
county, not a dozen miles from this city
who has a pair Of stockings that her father
bought in Springfield, H., for her to be
married in. She, her s%ister-in-law and four
OF her daughters wore all married IN the
self same pair of stockings. She yet has q
beautiful and blooming unmarried dAugh-
ter, that she, too will stand as a bride in
the same dear old stockings, provided she
gets married before the death of her mother
who, by the way, il carefully preserving
them to be buried in, The lady says this
is the only pair of stockings she ever had
that were bought from q store. She also
says That she has raised the cotton and card
ed, spun and knit all the stockings for her
self, her husband AMI all their children.
That pair Of stockings cost one dollar and
thirty cents forty years ago"
-Komissarow, who saved the Cars life,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10
An Ada Lewis on the Mississippi RIVER.

From the Davenport Gowa) Democrat August 25th,
Two young gentlemen, Jas. johnson and
VIM. Silver, each about sixteen years of
age, took m old skiff last evening from the
foot Of Warren Street, and commenced pull
ing toward Maple Island. When between
that spot and Willow Island, the boat, which
was old and leaky, rapidly filed, and in
in their attempts to bail her out with their
caps, turned her over. The daughter of a
fisherman living on Mill Street, saw
the accident, and getting into a
small flat-bottomed boat which CHANGED to
be at hand, padded to the scene Of the
disaster. On arriving, she found one of
the young gentlemen clinging t0 the up
turned skifi, while the other, exhausted and
ready to give in, supported himself on an
oar. The brave girl assisted them into her
boat, and with true feminine policy, made
the overturned skiff fast astern and return
ed to shore. In all human probability
these boys owe their lives 20 the presence
OF mind and ready assistance of this young
woman, whose conduct their parents will
not allow to 90 pnrewarded.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10

A Princes PIAYGRoUND.-A favorite
spot at st. Cloud with the Imperial family
is the extremity Of the Orangerie, in a re-
served garden called by Marie Antoinette
d" Felicite, " the name it still goes by. It is
between tho chateau and two waterfalls on
the western side. Here the trees form
porticos all round, and here it il the impe-
rial prince takes his gymnastic lessons. In
n corner Of this garden is an arbor, under
which are two plain chairs and q rustic ta-
BILE. This accommodation is for the En-
peror aud Empress when they are invited
by their son to come and see him perform
the duties Of train-master, stoker, engi-
neer, guard and signal bearer in one. He
has perfect engine, rails, a set Of first and
second class cars, and every appliance
used for steam locomotion. He has learn
ed the management Of q railway train from
this mechanical masterpiece, aud some
times distresses the public by upsetting the
whole affair down a rapid bank, when the
passengers, figured by large e1lgies, get
turned over, run over, smashed, and a ter.
rible excitement ensues. 1t amuses the
Emperor exceedingly TO puzzle the boy with
questions about tariffs, distances, weight OF
luggage, &c.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10

-Komissarow, who saved the Cars life,
is not deed, as has been reported.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-10

-Salazar, q member of Maximiiian's
Cabinet, whose estates were confscated by
Juaroz, is insane at Washington, and his
wife is destitute 1T Geoigetown.
Sugar planter. [volume] (West Baton Rouge [i.e. Port Allen, West Baton Rouge Parish, La.]) 1856-1925, 1869-01-30
AGENTS WANTED FOR THE
GRAY JACKETS.
And How they LiDea Fought and Died for D.uis

rs e WITH
Incidents aud Sketches of fife i'm the Cor
federacy. =
Comprising Narratives of Personal Adventure
Army Life, Naval Adventure, Home Life.
Partisan Daring, Life 10 the Camp, Field 4
and Hospital, together withe Songs.
Ballads, Anecdotes and Hu-
morous Incidents Of the
SEQ War for Southern
s- Independence
here is cert ain portion OF the war that will new
er go INTO ue regular histories, nor be embodied ia
romance o. poetry. which is very real part of ii,
ano VIII II preserved convey TO succeeding genera
hoDs better icea OF the spirit o the couiic than
many dy reports or careful narrative OF events, and
tns part map be rallied the gossip the fun the pathos
oi the war. his illustrates the character OF the
leaders, the humor OF the soldiers the devotion OF
women, he bravery OF men, the pluck OF our heroes,
he Romance and hafd<hps OF The service ~
ne Valiant and Brave Hearted. the Picturesque
and Dramatic. The Witty and aryeious, the Tender
ana Pathetic and The whole Panorama OF the War
are here thrilling portrayed in nastetly manner. al
once hisiorlcai and roHagic, rendering it the most
ample. unique brilliant and readable book that the
war has called forth ts+ zNF
Amusement as well as Instruction may be found ia
fhentc history, skiiuliy interviewer in this work
of literary art. & st.=
Sead for circulars aud see our terms. and a full
description OF the work. Address,
JONES BROTHERS & CO., Atlanta. Ga.
Sugar planter. [volume] (West Baton Rouge [i.e. Port Allen, West Baton Rouge Parish, La.]) 1856-1925, 1869-01-30
zzctlklAR.
TO THE PUBLIC.
IMPORTANT VETERINARY REMEDIEs.
~
Read the Following:


I've, the undersigned, having known Mr.. Z w
santafee FOR mAay years can readily certify 10 MS
unbafied skill ia the cure Of all diseases Of the
korse, snd sincerely sad heartily recommend bin
him sna his medicine to the public in general,
knowing that ii will meet vish complete saccsss
to all who may deem itpradent to give = fair
trial Faandered horses cured in twelve hours.
Gallo in thirty minutes; Botts IA thirty minutes
Disse,npsr ia four says Fsrsy and preventive
of glanders fron, eight tc. ten days. Lssg fever
IN four days. LocAjaw.
Alfred Hazard q. W. Caflett,
p Kre1sen, W. o Gordon,
Or J,,,ss Il D.. B. H. Alatsiiien, S
b A. Toxasine. A i. Tonsbs,
t,bas. schields. r. ~. Hale, Laurel Kil,
r. q NcGuire. j. Mc4ratb, B4tesss Roton.
i. Mskeuwn, E. IT. Daeroca, " BRsuge,
*. Clsnaeanan, r. r Attain,
H. =. Attain, j. @. stsffords
Z. If. A. Reims Bayou. 6atn
H.siag purchased from Mr. ], v sansafse TIE
'pstrnt II his ayessrinary Esmsaies' for this
parish, viii tai all orders sent us. In sssry
instance these Renedies h.vs proved sonplsts
cures. 1h.vs used. thsn n,yssN sith psriec.1
saecsss 1ea san eoaadsntly rssolasnsad them e
"a ss.Itlss i II i !.
Livery Stshle. Ferry Landing. Vest Ptteh isaiass.
Sugar planter. [volume] (West Baton Rouge [i.e. Port Allen, West Baton Rouge Parish, La.]) 1856-1925, 1869-01-30

.t5nG-Dea ssss ana slsits y pEzAKALx4DES
in tipsspd ~ III scu vaas - i4ssst prices.
s. FRESH psses, hsaisinAs, chsniesls. Per-
fVmery. Garden Seeds, 4s.. b., constastly rs-
.1sfssss ssss.ss ssf t5sTg ssSs tssssS
Sugar planter. [volume] (West Baton Rouge [i.e. Port Allen, West Baton Rouge Parish, La.]) 1856-1925, 1869-01-30

-, ~ THE FERRYLANDfEd,
Sugar planter. [volume] (West Baton Rouge [i.e. Port Allen, West Baton Rouge Parish, La.]) 1856-1925, 1869-01-30
nm SUGAR PLANTER.
- naryaYJ Hyams. Editor.

,s-1cn EVERY SATURDAY Mohsisa'
The New York herald., 1869-04-28
NAVAL INTELLIGENCE.

The following is the latest United states naval In.
telligcnce from China and Japan:The nagship Pisca-
taqua, the froquois, Oneida and Monocacy were at
Hong Kong; the Unadilla, Swallow and Idaho as
Nagasak; Aroostook and Maumee at Hiogo. All
the United states men-of-war on the China station
are expected to rendezvous at Shanghae IN May.
Captain James +. Armstrong has been ordered to
New orleans In charge Of the iron-clads at that
station.
Captain william A. Parker has been ordered to re-
port by letter. to the Secretary OF the Treasury for
duty lighthouse keeper OF the Eighth lighthouse
district, vice Lieutenant Commander Hawley, who
has been detached and ordered TO the ship Potomac.
Commander John q. Walker has been detached
from the Naval Academy and ordered TO the com-
Lieutenant Commander John n. Bartlett has been
detached from the Naval Academy aud ordered TO
the Sabine.
Naval Constructor Samuel N. Rock has beea de-
tached from the Philadelphia and ordered to the
Boston Navy Yard
stitute the Board OF Visitors 10 the Naval Academy
to report on the Goth OF May next:-Rear Admiral
Pauldlng, the president; Commodore J. Il. Colds
borough. Captain r. q. Parrott Surgeon William
Maxwell Wood, Hon. J. u. Hawley, Hon. II. n.
wadsworth, DR.. +. ID. kittoe, George II. stuart
and Judge Humphrey.
surgeon George IT, Manlsby has peen appointed
president and Surgeon Edward Shlppcn and James
g. Knight members of the board TO examine the
physical condition OF the graduating class Of mid
shlpmen on the 20th OF May.
The New York herald., 1869-04-28

great, and, once free. he stands on
q footing, social and political, with
the dominant Portuguese race. Hence
we find in Brazil liberal intermixing and har-
monious fusion of races, including all the
Mexican crosses between the European, Amer
lean and African types-whites, reds and
blacks, producing all the shades possible from
the blending of any two or all three of these
original colors. Among the Brazilians, there
fore, Douglass would be at home, and his
color would be accepted as a compliment to
<'the customs Of the country" We doubt not
that in this view Douglass would be more cor
daily received even at the Court of Dom
Pedro the Second "a prince of superior abilities
and accomplishments than any white man
as "Envoy Extraordinary" from the United
States; for, in addition to his advantage of
mixed complexion, he is courtly and polished
man and thoroughly imbued with the doctrine
of cOlored equality, though we are not quite
certain as to his opinions of the American
Iaborigines. Moreover, Douglass is not belli-
,cose individual, but q man of peace, and so, if
there be any valid objections to his appoint
ment to Brazil under the new dispensation, we
should like to hear them.
The New York herald., 1869-04-28
Reciprocity on a New Scale.


We publish to-day detailed statement of
terrible execution for homicide that occurred
recently in her Britannia Majesty's province of
Prince Edward Island, on the American Con-
tinent. 1t will be seen that the hangmen in
that province have method Of performing
their duties which knocks that Of our own New
York Sheriffs-those of the chloroform stamp
especially in the shade. To
place man on the gallows, fairly
hang him once, and the rope swapping
or the scaffold breaking down, without
swapping or breaking the mans neck, in
sures, according to the Prince Edward code,
the victim being carried back to his cell, and,
if unconscious, to his enjoyment of the refined
luxury Of having restoratives applied in the
shape of good wines and other stimulants, in
order to restore him to sufficient consciousness
to enable him to appreciate the felicities Of
second attempt to break his neck or choke
him to death according to her Majesty's law.
It is, therefore, matter Of interest to those
concerned in the execution of the law for
capital offences In the United States to see
that the reciprocal treaty proposed to be
established between our country and Great
Britain should contain positive provision
when the question of the refinement Of cruelty
in executing judgment upon malefactors comes
up. This will, indeed, be reciprocity upon
new and humane scale.