Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-01-29
Hummer.

HHmaor.
No man can tell from his ledger whethe
he is rich or poor. He is one or the other
according to what he is, not according t.
what he has.
The world debt is composed of the mi
tials Of ''dun every body twice." C-r-e-d-i-
is formed of the initial letters of :'call regu
larly every day-Pll trust
Yu kan Judge of mans religion very wei
by tearin' him talk, but yukant judge of hi
piety by what he seq, any more than yu kar
judge ov his amount ov linen by the stick
out ov his collars and wristbands.
A revivalist encountered a large sized
African, and asked him, ssMy good man,
have you found the Lord ?" To which Sam
DO replied in surprised manner: ssGolly
massa, am de Lord lost !"
A Carpet Dagger, now in the South,
wrote to his father lately, in the North,
Come dowa here, father, mighty mean men
get office here, now. You could be elected
United States Senator without any trouble. "
A young Irishman, who had married
when he was about nineteen years of age,
complaining of the difficulties to which his
early marriage subjected him, said he would
never marry so young again if he lived to be
old as Methusaleh
A Western editor, whose subscrib-
crs complained that he did not give them
news enough for their money told them that
if they could not find enough in the paper,
they had better read the Bible, which, he
had no doubt would be news to them.
offend Mallaby, am pleased that thee
has got such a fine organ in thy church"
:'But," said the clergyman, Il thought you
were strongly opposed to having an organ
in church" 80 am said Friend Obad-
iah but then, if thee Will worship the Lord
with machinery, would like thee to have a
frst-rate instrument"
"What do you call this % said Mr.. Jones,
tapping his breakfast plate with his fork
:'Call it?" said the landlady; "why?
what do you call it ?" :5s. IT. sod
"Well really" said Jones, reaectively =
81 don't know. There is hardly enough
hair in it for mortar, but entirely too much
for hash"
A CAPE COD ROMANCE - (. =
Two lovers stood upon the shore -
OF Massachusetts Bay 90. *a -. - =.
Bidding a sad farewell before i.
Seth tore himself away.
''Pll marry you when I come back,
My Sally Ann" says he;
And then he took a little smack
And went away to sea-
. Aasea captain trading regularly to the
African coast was invited to meet commit
tee of a society for the CHARACTERIZATION of AZ
RIGA Among numerous question touching
the religion of the African races he was ask
ed, edo the subjects of King Dahomeny
keep Sunday ?" "Keep Sunday 2" he re-
pied "ycs and every other darned thing
they can lay their hands on" -
A schoolmaster after giving one of his
pupils sound drubbing for speaking bad
grammar, sent him to the other end Of the
room to inform another boy that he wished
to speak to him, and at the same time prom
ised to repeat the dose if he spoke to him
ungrammatically. The youngster being sat
is6ed with what he got, determined to be
exact, and thus addressed his fellow pupil
GA common substantive of the masculine |
gender singular number, nominative case.
and in an angry mood, that sits perched upon
the emlnece at the end Of the room, wishes
to artlculate a few sentences to YOU in the
present tense"
A Galveston gentleman, lately stopping
at the Nicholson House, Bastrop, was in
room recently occupied by the Agent of the
Freedmen's Bureau. One evening Tom. a |
freedmen. entered the room to make a fire
and after doing SO Shutdown, crossed his1eos
and made himself at home smoking and
splitting in the fire place. The Galvestonian
asked what he meant by such familiarity
Tom looked up in evident surprise, and i'm,
medlately arose, hatin hand, and, in his DO
litest manner, said beg pardon, Massa |
didn't know you was gensnaan; thouo},t
you was de Freedman's Bureau"
A ToUGH SToRY.-The other cvan;no
there was learned dissertation, subject
"Bedbugs and their remarkable tenac;tv of
life" One asserted of his own know1ed ~
that they could be boiled and then coma -
life. Some had soaked them for hours in
turpentine without any fatal consequences
Old Hanks, who had been listening as an
outsider, here gave in his experience in cor
roboratlon of the facts. Says he: s.Some
years agoI took bedbug to an iron foundry
and dropping it into ladle where the melt,
ed iron was, had itrun into skillet. We'll
my old woman used that skillet pretty con.
slant for the last six years, and here the
other day it broke all to smash, and what do
you think, gentlemen, that ere insect ;ust
walked out Of his hole where he'd been law.
in like frog in rock, and made tracks
for bis old roost up stairs But" added he
by way of parenthesis, s'by George gentle,
men, he looked might pale" g" 3
A LECTURE ON HoGs.-some folks accusa
pigs of being filthy in their habits, and NEG
ligent in their personal appearance. BIT
whether food is best eaten off the ground, or
from china plates, is, it seems to me merely
a matter OF taste and convenience, about
which pigs and men may honestly differ
They ought, then, to be Judged cbaritablv
At any rate, pigs are not filthy enouob to
chew tobacco, nor to poison their breath BY
drinking whiskey. And as to their personal
appearance, you don't catch pig PLAYING
the dandy, nor the females among them Dick7
ing their way up the muddy street Of the