The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1869-01-30
NEW UNCOM MERCIAL SAMPLES.
BY CHARLES pIcKENs,
Mr., BARLOW,


usually early age, II seems to me as though
had been born under the superintendent of
the estifnable but terrific gentleman whose
name Stands at the head Of my present reheo-
ionF. The instructive mOnomaniao, Mr.. Bar
low, will be remembered as the tutor Of Master
Harry landlord and Master Tommy Merton
He knew everything, and didsetically i'm
proved all sorts Of occasions, from the con-
sumption of q plate of cherries to the contem-
platiOD Of a starlight night. What youth came
to without Mr.. Barlow, was displayed, in the
history Of SandfOrd and Merton, by the ex-
ample Of a certain awful Master Mash. This
young wretch wore buckles and powder, con-
Quoted himself with insupportsble levity at
the theatre, had no idea of facing mad bull
king ehanded Gin which think him less re-
prehensible, as remotely rejecting my own
character), and was a frightful instance Of the
enervating effects of luxury upon the human
race.
Strange destiny on the part of Mr.. Barlow,
to go down to posterity as childhood's FIRST
experience of Bore Immortal Mr.. Barlow,
boring his way through the verdant freshness
of sgesl
Ny personal indictment against Mr.. Barlow
is one of many counts. l will proceed to set
forth a few of the injuries he has done me.
In the first place, he never made, or took,
joke. This insensibility on Mr.. Barlow's part
not only cast its own gloom over my boy
hood, but blighted even the sixpenny jes.-
books of the time. For, groaning under
moral spell constraining me to refer all things
to Mr. Barlow, could not choose but ask my
self in whisper when tickled by printG jest,
"What would he think of it 7 What would
he see in it ~ The point Of the jest immedi-
ately became a sting, and stung my con-
science. For my minds eye saw him stOlid,
frigid, perchanoe taking from its shelf some
dreary Greek book and translating at full
length what some dismal sage said (and
touched mp afterwards, perhaps, for publioa-
tion) when he banished some unlucky joker
from Athens.
The incompatibility of Mr.. Barlow with all
other portions of my young life but himself,
the adamantine inadaptability OF the man to
my favorite fancies and amusements, is the
thing for which / hate him most. What
right had he to bore his way into my Arabian
Nights Yet he did. He was always hint
ing doubts of the veracity of Sindbad the
Sailor.
1.-The could have got hold of the Wonderful
Lamp, knew he would have trimmed it, and
lighted it, and delivered a lecture over it on
the qualities of sperm oil, with glance at
the whale fisheries. lie would soon have
found out-on mechanical principles-the peg
in the neck of the Enchanted Horse, and
would have turned it the right way in so
workManlike a manner that the horse could
never have got any height into the air, and
the story couldn't have been. He would have
proved, by a map and compass, that there
was no such kingdom as the delightful king
dom Of Casgar, on the, frontier of Tartary.
He would have caused that hypocritioal
young prig, Harry, to make an experiment.
with the aid of temporary building and a
dummy-demonstratin that you couldn't let
choked Hunchback down an eastern chimney
with cord, and leave him upright on the
hearth to terrify the sultan Is purveyor.
The golden sounds OF the overture to the
first metropolitan pantomime | remember,
were alleged by Mr.. Barlow. Click click,
ting ting, bang bang, weedle weedle weedle,
bang l recall the chilling air that passed
across my frame and cooled my hot delight,
as the thought occurred to nae, "This would
never do for Mr.. Barlow ~ After the curtain
drew up, dreadful doubts OF Mr.. Barlow's con-
sidering the costumes Of the Nymphs of the
Nebula as being sufficiently Opaque obtruded
themselves on my enjoyment In the Clown
perceived two persOns-one, fascinating
unaccountable creature OF hectic COM
plexion, joyous in spirits though feeble in
intellect, with flashes Of brillancy; the other
pupil for Mr.. Barlow. l thought how Mr..
Barlow would secretly rise early in the morn
ing and butter the pavement for him, and,
when he had brought him down, would look
severely out of his study-window and ask hin
how he enjoyed the fun.
thought how Mr.. Barlow would heat al
the pokers in the house, and SINCE him with
the whole collection, to bring him better ac
quainted with the properties of inoandesoent
iron, on which he (Bsrlow) would fully ex
patiate. pictured Mr.. Barlow 8 instituting
comparison between the clowns conduct al
HIS studes--drinkng up the ink, licking his
copy-book, and usipg his head for blotting
papsr-and that of the already mentioned
yeung Prig OF Prigs, Harry, sitting at the Bar
lovian feet, sneakingly pretending to be in 6
rapture of useful knowledge. thought how
soon Mr.. Barlow would smooth the clowns
hair down, instead of letting it stand erect il
three small TUFTS; and how, after a couple o
years or 80 with Mr.. Barlow, he would keey
20 his legs close together when no walked, an(
would take his hands out OF his big loos'
pockets, and wouldn't have jump left IL
him.
That am particularly ignorant what mos
things in the universe are male of, and hOV
they are made, is another OF nay charge
against Mr. Barlow. With the dread of de
yeloping into Harry, and with the furthe
dread upon me OF bei2g BlllOwed il | mad
inquiries, by bringing down upon myself
cold shower-bath of explanations and expert
ments, iorbors enlightenment in my youth
and became, as they BAY ia melo-dramas, "th
wreck you now behold" That consOrte
with idlers and dunCes, is another of tn
melancholy facts for which hold Mr.. BarloV
responsible. That Prsgmati3al Pdg, Harry
became go detestsbls ~ my sight, that h
being reported sludious in the south,
would have Had idle 80 the oA Alreinest north
Better 10 learn misconduct rom Maste
Mash than science ami statistics from a Sand
ford. So took the pain which, but for M
Barlow, might never have trodden. Though
j, with shudder, "Mr. Barlow ID bore
with an immt n5e constructive power OF maxim