The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-10-01
dIrit ants 0untur.

"A base drum-A weak connum-
drum.
is getting tight the result OF
.loose' habits?
- Invaluable cure tor a boil-Two
pounds of ice to gallon of hot water.k
Nothing can be well done that is
done in a hurry, except-catching 1eas.
10 tell our secrets is folly, to
divulge the secrets ofanother is treach-
cry.
"The American Farm Book
mentions horse that died at slxty-sev-
en- years of age. Too old for sausage.
= Some lawyers resemble folks
who can sleep in any position: III Is
immaterial on which side they lie.
Why is the relief to besieged
city like the birth of child? The long
expected succor has come at last.
If you begin to apologize for
what cannot be defended, you will end
by defending what cannot be apologize
ed for.
IF you want your ncighbors to
'know all about you,' give party anu
don't invite the folks who lives next
door,
The following notice may be seen
ut q biacksmith's shop in Essex: NO
horses shod on Sunday 'cept sickness
or death.
- What is .he difference between
the entrance to barn and anover-talk-
alive person? One is barn door and
the other darn bore.
The fence of graveyard in
fah Tn hanrc film ingnrintinn
in large white letters, use IS Bit
ters il you would keep out of here
Bones, you have travelled a
great deal, were you ever in Greece Z,
NO, Snow; but fell into thunderin'
big tub OBJ soap once
If man has any religion worth
having he will do his duty, and not
make fuss about it. 1t is the empty
kettle that rattles,
Unjust riches curse the owner in
getting, in keeping, and in transmit
ting. They curse his children i'll their
fathers memory.
The man who did the thing
"right up to the handle," must have
been in the milk business, and at about
that period was at the wartering place.
-Picnics in town in Maryland,
are wound up by the girls standing in
long row, while the young. men go
along the line and kiss them all good
night. wish we lived there.
"A New Highlander who had
never seen rattlesnake killed one IN
Iowa few days ago. He described it as
"a pretty snake that played tune with
its tall"
Mr.. Jones called upon gentle
man who advertised to restore oil paint
ings and requested him to restore a
valuable landscape which was stolen
from him TWO years ago.
Under the head of ''broken Eng
fish" Paris paper places such Lon
doners as get mashed up by railroad
collisions, or who financially come to
grief.
A farmer being asked if bis hors-
es were matched said, "Yes, they are
matched first rate; one of them is will
ing to do all the work and the other is
willing he should ----
1t is curious fact, that.alth ough
the rain keeps thousands away from
church on Sunday, it does not deter a
single man from attending to his busI-
ness on week days.
- "Don't be in such hurry" said
very reckless California murderer on
his way to the gallows, to the hasten
ing crowd: stake the thing easy, as L
do, if you want to enjoy it,"
- A genius out West has just pat
ented machine for making chestnuts
out of sweet potatoes. He is brother
to the old man who put handles to
prickly pears and sold them for curry
combs.
-"Sam, what am become of dat
darkey who stol1 de tallow?" ''He is
taken up on an affidavit, and carried to
the Supreme Court to hab it tried"
son an affidavit ?" Eyes; dis Niger
seed de handle, he did,"
How is your husband, my dear?'
asked one lady of another.
"Oh, he's in very bad state," was
the reply.
"And pray, what kind of state is he
in?" persisted the other.
"In State Prison."
"Wherc do you hail from ?".
queried Yankee Of a traveller.
"Where do you ram from?"
"Don't rain at all !" said the aston
ished Jonathan.
own business "
-"Why, Sambo. how black you
are J" said a gentleman the other day
to negro waiter at the hotel. SHOW
in the name of wonder did you get so
black 2" "Why look here, massa, de
reason am dis: de day dis chile was born
dere was an eclipse"
"A cobbler attracted attention
with the following "Surgery per-
formed upon old boots and shoes by
adding feet, making good the legs,
binding the broken, healing the. wound
ed, altering the constitution, and sup
porting the bodies with new souls. No
cure no pay. Advice given gratis"
An old Dutchman undertook 10
wallop his son, but jake turned ard
walloped him.
The old man consoled himself for his |
defeat, by rejoicing at the sons supe-
rlor manhood. He said
.'Vell, Jake is shmart fellow. He |
can vip his own taddy."
- In reply 10 request for testi-
monial as to the merits OF clothes |
wringer, the following was sent. Il
bought your cloth wringer, and l am
pleasedwith it. | bought |
a jag of wood, which proved to be green |
and unfit to burn. run the whole load |
your clotheswringer, and | |
have usedthe wood for kindling ever
since.n