The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1869-11-12

Avestern New York dentist declares that he
recently extracted some teeth for himself after
putting himself to sleep with ehiorOfOrm.
The English Parliament ungratefally declines
to change the name Of John SHORTCUTS OF Lon.
don.
What 1, the difference between farmer and
n seamstrc<s, One gathers what he sows, and
the other sews what she gathers.
aMsmma mamma - beloved the angel Of
the household from the top Of the stairs, "l'm
mad. and Hannah won't pacify me-
There are trees 50 tall in Missouri that u
takes two men and boy to look to the top OF
them. One looks till he gets tired, and another
commences where he len OF
A Yankee, describing an opponent, says,m
tell you what, sir, that man don't amount to
sum in ari,hmetie-add him up, and there's
nothing to carry"
"whosc pigs are those, my lsdr why
they belong TO that there big SOW" "But l
mean who Is their master 7" "why the little
'un, sir, he's grand one to fght''
A lady ut williamsport, Pa. has not been able
TO sleep wink in month. Examination into
the case by eminent physicians revealed the ter
rible truth-her nightgown was out Of fashion.
An Irishman, speaking Of his children. said.
"They are all well. except the one born in this
country. must take him TO the Green Isle, for
believe he Is languishing for his native air,
that he hasn't smelt at all"
"Say, POmp, where you get dat new hats'
"why, at de shop, Of course. ;" "What Is de
price Of such an article rs datf" III don't
know Slm-I don't know; dc shopman wasn't
dar."
"My hcarcrs," said an enthusiastic Texas
orator, "truth Is mighty, and triH prevail.
Truth teats eggs all hollow. and whyl Because
truth crushed to earth will rise again, but eggs
won't'
"My son. would you suppose that the Lords
Prayer could be engraved in space no larger
than the area Of nickel eentr' "well, yes,
father, IL a cent Is rs biz in everybody's eye as
Il is In yours, think there would be no difficult
ty in putting it ON about four times"
A young man fresh from college. calling on
lady, and being asked by the servant what name
abe would give her mistress. replied, "Amieus"
1.-THE Latin for "a friendly The girl hesitated and
then asked. "what kind Of . GUS, sirr' The
young cOllegian tueu gtNt ms ntnic anu reSoiNtu
to stick to English thereafter.
"Msmma." said little French girl. edo cats
have souls 7" "wby, darlingl" because l
should like to have my cats soul always in
heaven with mine" And then. after q mo-
ment's reflection, "why, Of course, all the cats
souls must be in heaven to catch the rats
souls"
"Look on, there what are you kicking my
dog fort" "I'm kicking him cause he's full
Of heas, and don't want TO get them on my
rood clothes" "Flcas the deuce Why, that
dog sleeps with me-" EYES, hang you, know
II, and there's where he gets them"
"Parson, had much rather hear you
PREACH" said bsfiied. swindling horse jockey,
"than see you interfere in bargains between
man and man."
"wer," rcpliel the parson, elf you had been
where you ought to have been last Sunday you
would have heard me preach"
"Where was thatf" inquired the jockey.
"In the State Prison." returned the clergy
man.
Three gentlemen, Frenchman, Englishman,
and Yankee were in conversation on the New
Jersey Southern Railroad cars. From their tone
the two former were great blowers. The French
man said, III am always spoken to for his lmpe-
rial Majesty Napoleon l." The Englishman
said, "when go out, they speak to me for
Prince Albert" But the Yankee said, "The
FIRST man met came to me and said, "Great
God is that your
II was in Massachusetts, village that an old
scissors grinder. calling on minister, made the
usual query, "Any scissors to grindr" Receiy-
ing pegatiye answer. II was the minister's
turn, which he took by asking, "Are you man
Of Godf" al do not understand you" "Are
you prepared to diel' The question struck
home. Gathering up his kit and scrambling for
the door. he exclaimed, terrOr-stricken 80
Lord Lord you amt going to kill me are