Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-06-25
EfuIlaor.


Because thoe who arc in want to get out, and
those who are out want to get in.
Why is kissing like eating soup with a
fork Because it takes good while to get
enough of it. ~ ~
A blnshing damsel OF forty summers says:
There is no difficulty in getting engaged
the trouble is in keeping so ..,..--2s
An, Irish lover remarked that it is great
comfort to be alone. ''especiallp when yer
swatehart is wild ye.''
Mr.. JOSHUA Billing says: 'One of the
fussiest scenes lever sea, waz tow old maids
watin on one sick widower'' yrE7< E<-N
7 can marry any girl I please said :.
young fellow. boastiugly, Merry true, re-
piled his waggish companion for you can't
please any
A widow once said to her daughter, =
"When you are at my age it will be time
enough to dream of husband"J Eyes,
for the second time"
Fame is like shaved pig with creased
tail /; and it is only after it has slipped
through the hands OF some thousands, that
some fellow, by good luck, holds on to it.
This world is all fleeing show said
a sheriff toa culprit on the gallows. "Yes,"
was the prompt reply; "but if you have no
objection, I'd rather see the show little
longer. r.re geE3f
Said one gentleman of honor to another.
eff you don't accept my challenge, shall
post you in the paper" eco ahead" said
the other, II had rather fill dozen papers
than one coffin" A.Ga -1ia.
A pious old lady was asked why she named
her dog moreover ''Why." said she put
ting on her spectacles to find the place in her
Bible, sit is Bible name here: Moreover
the dog came and licked his sores"
Talk tie woman about religion, she signs
talk to her of love, she shippers; talk to her
of science, she goes to sleep. But talk to
her Of dress, and she will epen her eyes
and give you the entire attention of her ears
UNCERTAIN A travelling life insurance
agent applied to Texan to take out
policy" but the Texan replied: "a fellows
life is so COMPOUNDED uncertain in this COM
munity it amt worth insurng''
An old lady, being in a store at Water
bury, Conn, recently, deliberately sat down
and reached out her half-frozen feet to the
iroh safe, remarking that she ''always did
like those air-tight stoves"
An Irishman's definition Of metaphysics
1.-TWO men are talking together, and one of
them is trying to explain something he don't
know anything about, and the other can't
understand him.
A lecturer was dilating upon the power
Of the magnet, defying any one to show or
name anything surprising it. A nearer de-
INJURED and instanced young lady, who
used to draw him thirteen miles every Sun
day
A celebrated lawyer once said that the
three most troublesome clients he ever had
were young lady who wanted to be mar
ried, married woman who wanted a d.
yorce, and an old lady who didn't know
what she wanted.
An old bachelor wants to know if the
looming man" is not woman We answer,
cit must be so, Plato, thou reasonest we'll,
since they wear hats and boots and cravats
and chokers, paper collars, and cnffs with
sleeve buttons about the size of hens egg
A countrymsn sends the following to the
Cincinnati Enquirer: IA Radical is a
compound unconstitutional noun; black in
person, African in gender, desperate in case;
and is governed by negroes under partizan
rule, as one ignoramus governs another"
A little boy who sat listening to some
gentlemen conversing at his fathers table,
heard one of them quote the well known
line, San honest man is the noblest work of
God" when he said he did not believe it,
for his mother was better than any man that
was ever made.
The lawyer who filed bill, shaved note
cut an acquaintance, split hair, made an
entry, got a case, framed an Indictment,
impanelled a jury, put them into box, nailed
a witness, hammered a judge, and bored a
whole court, all in one day, has since laid
down law and turned carpenter.
A story is told Of a soldier in the army
whose only fault was that of drunkenness.
His colonel demonstrated with him
'.Tom, you are bold fellow and good
soldier, but you get drunk si'
Colonel y replied Tom, "how can you
expect all the virtues Of human character
combined for sixteen dollars month"
Alta Sabbath school q few weeks ago the
lesson was the third chapter of St. John,
which includes the verses. '.And as Moses
lifted up the serpant in the wilderness, even
so must the Son of Man be lifted up" e The
teacher, not thinking Of the many answers
child might give to the question, asked
4'How was the serpent lifted up ?" One
bright eyed little boy, who had seen serpents
handled before, answered promptly by
the tail. ,s4sraa
Pretty time Of night, Dir. M, for
you to comc-prctty time, 3 o'clock in the
morning you, a respectable man liz che
community, and the father Of family
''Tisn't three-it's only one l heard it
strike; City Council always sits till one
o'clock My soul! Mr. M you're
drunk--as true as Pm alive, you're drunk.
IT'S three in the morning Il say Mrs. NJ
-, it's one, heard it strike one as I
came around the conner, two or three times.
His spouse could say no more; 50 she re-
5ired.
WANTED TIE Man Thrown INA Ca.
madam Clergyman, not long since, was called
ed upon by an Irish girl who inquired how
much he asked for marrying anybody"
He replied, ga dollar and a-half," and
Biddy departed. 5a4asTafa
faw EVENINGS later on beino summoned