davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
JOSH BILLINGS ON THE HORNET.


The hornet is an inhamibel bugger,
sudden in his impreshuns and hasty
in hiz conclusion, or end.
Hiz natral disposishen IL a warm
cross between red pepper in the pod
and fusil oil, and his moral bias IL
git out ov mi way
They have long, black boldly, d.
vided in the middle by a waist spot,
but their phisikal Importance lays at
the terminus of their subberb, in the
shape ov javelin.
This javelin IL always loaded, and
stands reddy to unload at minutes
warning, and enters man az still az
thought, az spry az litening, and az
full of melankolly az the toothake.
Hornets never argy a case; they
settle all ov their differences ov opin-
yam by letting their jayelin fly, and ar
as certain to hit az a mule il.
This testy kritter lives in congre-
cations numbering about 100 souls,
but whether they are male or female,
or conservative, or matched in bonds
of wedlock, or whether they are Nor
mons and good many ov them king
together and keep one husband to
save expense, [ don't kno nor don't
kare.
[ never hav examined their habits
much.
Hornets bid their nests wherever
they take a noshun to, and seldom
are disturbed, for what would it prof
it a man tew kill SO hornets and have
the Tooth hit him with his javelin?
They bid their nests ov paper,
without emmy windows to them or
back doors. They have but one place
Of admission, and the nest IL the
shape Of an overgrown pineapple and
IL cut into just as many bedrooms as
there IL hornets.
1t is very simple to make a hor.
nets nest if yu kan, but | will wager
emmy man 300 dollars he kant bid
one that he could sell to hornet for
half price.
Hornets are long-lived-I kant
state jist how long their lives are, but
| know from instinkt and observashun
that emmy kritter, be he bug or be he
devil, who is mad all the time and
stings every good chance he kan git,
generally outlives all his nabers.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
CORY 0'LanuS on Wall Street.

The utter hollowness of the late
Wall street bubble is happily hit off
by Cory OLanus of the Brooklyn
Eagle, as follows:
The bulls and bears have been play
ing Shuttlecock with gold.
The bulls got the bears in a corner
and goaded those unfortunate animals
to distraction.
Gold was going up beautifully, and
everybody was making fortunes.
| never heard anything like the ru-
mors on the street.
Fisk, jr,, made seventy millions in
half an hour.
Morrissey made twenty millions.
Vanderbilt's account hadn't been
added up yet.
Everybody rushed into Wall street
and made fortunes.
l got interested myself and went to
a broker and told him to buy me a
hundred millions at current rates.
He said he wanted a margin.
1t was just my luck. l had ordered
in coal that day and paid for it, and
given Mrs. O'Lanus the rest of the
money to buy flannel and things for
the house.
Gave the broker all he had, four dol
lars and twenty-five cents, and told
him to buy all | could on that margin,
and Id try to raise some more.
Couldn't get any more that day, but
raised fifteen dollars yesterday and
went over to make few thousands.
Boutwell, came down like wolf on the
And threatened to sell four millions OF
gold"
Which charge in the rear sent the
bulls scampering with their heads
down and tails in the air, with the
bears full chase after them.
Gold came down at rate that fair
| ly made their heads spin.
l rushed off to my broker.
He looked broker than when | saw
him before.
Asked him how | stood.
He said l didn't stand anywhere.
He had acted on instructions as far
as the margin went, and bought four
hundred and seventy four thousand
dollars at 160 at 9 a. m, and sold al
II Is p. m. at 135.
My entire margin was swept away
and the broker thought there was q
balance against me.
Told him not to mind it, but let il
stand.
Everybody is ruined.
Fisk lost three hundred and fifty
millions, and will have to mortgage
his Opera House.
Morrissey is a ruined man, with no
thing but diamond pin and bis sala
ry as congressman to live on.
Vanderbilt's losses are estimated a
, seven hundred millions.
, | am rather glad now that didn'
have any more margin.
}, Wall street is a nice place to keeI
, out of.
r If you want to gamble, bet on th
J, election, play euchre, invest in twent
!. five cent jewelry envelopes, buy au'
: tion lots on Long Island, go into ticl
J. ct speculating, anything you have
). fancy for.
d But keep out of Wall street, If yc
e would save your margin.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

ANECDOTES OF DUELING.- his
tory of dueling has its comic and its
romantic aspect, as we'll as its tragic
and its diabolical. Some of the ex-
cuses given for not fighting are droll
enough. Franklin relates the follow
ing anecdote: A gentleman in coffee
hoase desired another to sit farther
from him. "Why so ?" said the per-
son thus addressed. Because, sir,
you SMELL" "That, sir, is an affront,
and you must fight me-" ~ will fight
you if you insist upon it; but l don't
see how that will mend the matter, for
if you kill me, | shall smell too: and
if | kill you, you will smell worse, if
possible, than you do at present. y
Amadeus V. of Savoy sent a challenge
to Humbert II. of the same duchy.-
The latter replied to the bearer of the
challenge: aThat the virtue of a
prince did not consist in the strength
of body; and that if his principal
boasted of his strength, there was not
bull which was not stronger and
more vigorous than he could possibly
be; and therefore, if he liked, one
should be sent to him to try" The
French poet Voiture was a noted du
elist, but he would not always fight
On one occasion having been challen
ged by a gentleman on whom he hat
exercised his wit, he replied: 9Th
game is not equal: you are big, | an
little; you are brave, | am a coward
however, if you want to kill me, / vii
consider myself dead" Among th
duels which deserve to be recorded
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
A Legend of Cuttyhunk.

Young Peter Bobstay was fisherman lad
And a right worthy son of a fisherman dad.
He loved, but the tale OF his love it is sad
I'll tell, ifyou'll listen to me.
He lived way down east in the land of the fog,
And, till he met Jane Marie. was jolly young dog
But he sank meath the glance of her eye, in bog
Of love and delusion, YOU see.
ofthe ancient old keeper of Cuttyhunk light;
Young Peter first saw her and gazed with delight,
AS she dug out the CLAIMS on the beach.
1t was love at first sight, but the bashful young
boy
Had ne'er told his love, and the maiden so coy,
OF course kept her secret, tho chock full of joy
When she thought Ofthe bliss within reach.
But Peter he made up his mind one fine day,
To tell his love, and TO never take nay;
So he took to his boat and sailed him away
To that "gem ofthe sea-" Cuttyhunk.
He sailed by Naushan, Nashawena and Pesque,
And through Quickse's Hole, not minding the risk,
Of wrecking his bark, till the south wind brisk,
Ran him slap on the white beach, "ker chunk"
His voyage it is over, his perils they cease;
His sail it is lowered, his mind is at ease;
All nature smiles round him, her smile it is peace,
He has TO the end of his race.
Jane Maria, his true love, I've said she was fair
Her breath it was sweet as the balmy June air,
And the clustering ringlets of her dark curling
hair,
They hung round a "sweet pretty" face.
Jane Maria had spied the sail of P B.,
As he boldly and gallantly sailed on the sea,
And she rushed down TO meet him, as under the
ice
Young Peter he anchored his craft;
He hastened unto her, and close in his arms
He clasped Jane Maria, and gazed on her charms,
And he vowed that he'd keep her secure from all
harm,
And see her well rugged fore and aft.
Then down on his knees, like knight Errant of
old,
Young Peter he dropped and his eyes up he rolled
And asked, "Dost thou love me ?" like a lover so
bold;
And sighed at the feet of the maid.
Like goslng just dying with feathers all mussed
With her eyes moist with tears, Jane Maria she
blushed,
And teDderly signing, she whispered, al dost :"
That was all the fair maiden said.
For her father had come Up behind her unknown,
With club in one hand, in the other a stone;
Ard he savagely battered and banged every bone,
Till Peter lay dead as d dog.
Jane Maria she tainted and dropped to the ground
And her life ebbed away, and her father he found,
That his dear Jane Maria to heaven was bound.
And would never again mix his grog.
When the keeper he found that his daughter was
dead,
His heart it fell down like big lump of lead,
And that Ve-y same hour he took to his bed
And Immediately gave up the ghost.
The lovers were buried in grave, side by side,
While the father, who ought to have long before
died,
Was planted alone, and his neighbors they tried,
Every one for the light keepers post.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23


CLAY AND WEBsTER-Everybody
that remembers, tries to describe to
you the difference in bearing of these
two men. 1t is said that whenever
man was introduced to Clay, even on
the Senate floor, he took him by the
hand and asked him interestedly of
his family and other matters. If he
met him year later, he would remem-
Der his name. In this he captivated
everybody. Webster would receive
the visitor, extending his hand to him
stifiy, pronouncing with his sepulchral
bass, "How do you do, sir?' turn
ing away, perhaps, as he uttered it.
These two remarkable presences were
frequently brought together at a din
ner party, or were seen topping head
and shoulders above the guests of
drawing-room soiree. There, their
differences of character cropped out
most visibly. Clay gracefully flatter-
ed everybody he met, no matter how
homely. Webster was dignifed and
tenderly respectful, never losing for
an instant his ponderous poise of man.
ner His eyebrows were so heavy,
they called them shoe brushes. No
body ever looked up there without
feeling them hang over him, like the
cloud of his intellect. Women were
no exception to it; but their admira-
tion of hif sombre strength sometimes
reached to affection.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23


A DULL CLERK.-Pickernel, a sue
cessful dry goods merchant of Boston,
was waited upon at his hotel by a
gentleman-farmer who was desirous
of getting boy, for whom he was
guardian, a "place" in Boston-of
course he was an uncommonly smart
boy, quick at figures, strong of intui-
tion, and one every way fit, as he
should "judge," to become a merchant.
Pickernel thought it over, and said he
would try and make place for him.
In due time the boy arrived at Pick
ernels store, his broad face ruddy
with health, and soapy from the morn
ing wash, his hair slicked, his clothes
new and uncomfortable, and a stiff
dickey cutting his ears. He announc-
ed himself as the boy, &c.
"Ah, you are the boy, are you ?"
said Pickernel.
ayes, 'spose so, replied the young
ster.
"Well, come in here, then; I'm very
busy, but I will examine you in few
practical questions"
The boy came in, and, sitting down
on the desk, swung his heels under
meath it as though he felt entirely at
home, waiting the questions.
"WelI," said Pickernel, suppose a
lady should come in here, and buy a
dress of fifteen and a half yards of
calico for eleven and a half cents a
yard, what would it come to ?"
The boy looked at his questioner,
at the ceiling, at the floor, in a state
af great bewilderment.
"How much caliker? ?" he asked.
Fifteen and a half yards"
"What price ?"
eleven and a half cents"
He thought a moment.
"Well, y said he, "I'm darned if |
believe any woman ever wanted so
much cloth for dress as that"
This was throwing up the sponge,
and Pickernel put another question.
"How much would five and a half
pounds of tea come to at seventy-fve
cents and three-quartcrs per pound ?"
He received this pretty much the
same as the other, and after waiting
a minute he asked:
"WaS it green or black tea ?"
Without answering, Pickernel put
another question:
Suppose | should send you out
with two-dollar bill, and you should
buy fourteen and a half pounds of
beef at seven and a half cents a
pound, how much money would you
have left ?"
The boy looked at him for an in
slant, and then INDUCED in a low
whistle.
"You don't s'pose," said he, you
could get beef anywhere at seven and
half cents a pound, do YEP"
Pickernel gave up at this. He ask
ed him no more questions. but sent
him back next day with a letter, sta
ting that he didn't think he would an
swer.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
School Readers.

The Detroit Free Press wants mod
ern improvements worked into school
reading books, and offers the follow
ing as a sample of the sort that wo'd
be up to the spirit of the age:
"The horse is on his nest. He is
a fine horse. Can he make his mile
in two minutes ? Some horses have
the scratches. So do some boys.
"The goose is on her roost. She
is a fine quadruped, and has a tender
tenor voice. Can the goose fly far ?
No; neither the goose nor the rhino-
ceros can fly far.
Here is a man. He is a fireman.
He belongs to No. l. If you are a
good boy you will some day be an
angel like that fireman. 1t is a dan
gerous thing to be fireman. They
sometimes get their heads broken.
Here is the gas works. 1t is a
high building. All our congressman
are born here. Do congressman ever
steal? You may be sure they do.
ado you see that small boy? He
is a good boy, and supports bis moth
er by selling newspapers. His father
don't have to work any more now.
"Here is the picture Of a young
widow. See how sad she looks
Her husband could not pay her dry
goods bill, and so he-died. Do you
think she will get another man? She
will try hard.
"Here is the sea side. You see
that swell there drinking spring wa
ter? What is he here for? For his
health. Will he get it? Yes; if his
fathers money holds out, and she don't
get engaged to that fellow with the
paste diamond.
"Do you see this colored man p
See how fast he runs! He is running
for an Office. He was poor lad once
and worked for his clothes and victu-
ais. Now he don't.
"Tbis is a picture Of Horace Gree
ley. What is be doing? He is mail,
ing strawberry plants to his subscri-
bers. They are fine plants, and yield
about a bushel a plant. This is his
political economy
Here is a fine likeness OF Colfax
See how he smiles! He is looking al
the White House.
"This is a scene in Tennessee. Thai
man there, weeping, is Stokes. Why
does he weep? Has be much money
No; he can't see Senter. Poo
man He will doubtless find some ont
in Washington who will sympathizt
with them.
What is that man doing there
He is counting out government green
backs; he is public official. Sc,
how fast he counts Those one dol
lar bills on the left hand side are tn
money he is to return to the govern
ment; those $40 bills on the right ar
the money he is going to put into hi
pocket. 1t is good thing to be
public official. Now you're talking
"Here is the face of a reporter
See how joyful be looks. He has JUS
heard that a man has cut his throa
and he is going for the item. Shoul
you like to be a reporter, and &c
licked on dark nights, and see dead pc,
sons, and climb four pair OF stairs ?''
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

HENRY CLAY.--In his day it was
the habit Of the polite world of the
capital, dressed in their gayest to re-
pair to the Senate Chamber, to listen
to him whenever he spoke. Clay was
everybody's pet. No man has ever
had such adulation since. No man
has ever got habitually such brilliant
and splendid audiences for his ora
ting as he. Those were days of
grand debate, when the press had not
gained so much prestige-before ora
tory had given way in Congress to the
reporters. There were no holes in
the sky then, and you could not prick
an orator, like bubble, with a witty
sarcasm. Clay never disappointed.
He would not have dared. But he
dared things that no other man then
or now would dare. At the end of a
brilliant passage, he would pause de-
hberately and walk six steps across
the aisle, to Robert J. Walkers snuff
box; and, taking pinch gracefully
between his finger and thumb, return
to his desk, and put it with such ineff-
able distinction to his nostrils, the
whole audience was ready to burst in
to applause. With any other man,
that would have been ridiculous. Clay
made it sublime. 1t was the great
king going to bed in the presence of
his admiring courtiers.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

MARK TwAIN's OLD MAN.-Mark
Twain says John Wagner, the old
est man in Buffalo-one hundred and
four years-recently walked a mile
and half in two weeks. He is as
cheerful and bright as any other of
those old men that change around so
in the newspapers, and is in every
way as remarkable. Last November
he walked five blocks in rainstorm
without any shelter but an umbrella
and cast his vote for Grant, remark
ing that he voted for forty-sev Pres
iden ts-which was a lie. His sec
ond crop of rich brown hair arrived
from New York yesterday. and h
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

WHY THE PLACE WENT Down.
was riding past large farm few
days since in public conveyance,
when a man remarked, as he looked
out, This place seems to take to red
sorrel the best of anything. | should
rather have it in red clover"
Then followed some conversation
between him and the driver with re-
gard to the owner of the property
Once he was offered eight thousand
dollars for it; now it would not bring
half that money. The fences were all
broken down, the boards of the barn
were swinging in the wind, the old
ploughs and wagons stood about un-
sheltered in the neglected barnyard,
and the house just opposite was in
keeping with all the rest.
The old mans sons mostly hang
around the old place, but don't seem
to do much towards keeping it up
They are lazy lot. All three Of 'em
are at home now, living off their IA
ther. How they live with their fam
lilies | can't see. They never have
anything to sell off the place"
One could readily believe that when
he took a survey of the broad fields,
which should have been covered with
waving grain, which should have been
covered with waving grain, but which
instead were red with sorrel. There
sat the lazy young men looking out on
the passers by, as if they had no 9th
er business in life. The old farmer
smoked his pipe and saw his valuable
place going to rack and ruin, with the
coolest indifference. The women of
such household were we'll deserving
Of pity, for on them fell the principal
burden of making bricks without
straw. In such sleepy hollow" at
mospbere, the most energetic would
feel lethargy creep over the spirits,
effectually checking all advancement.
Would you like to know the secret of
such thrittlessnesS? 1t was whis-
key barrel in the cellar.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
a Good Dairy Farm for Sale.

will sell at private sale, my FARM pleasant
" located on the Creek road near East Albany,
containing 100 acres Of excellent land, well fenc-
ed ore of the best springs in Orleans county
running TO house, barn good neghbors; good
hop yard on the premises, buildings good, nice
house and splendid horse barn, good school
near by also, a large sugar orchard with 600
buckets and sugar house, pans and holders, all
in good order. Said farm will keep 10 cows and
team the year round; also, goody quantity Of
fruit trees. This farm is known as the Fairman
Farm. Also, hay, grain, farming tools, sugar
tools and stock with the farm.
36tf NATHANIEL CHAFFEE.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
THE MAORI WAR IN New ZEALAND

The MAORI WAR IN New ZEALAND.
The English colonists in New Zeal
and have at last been put on the de-
fensive by the Maori chieftains; and
the expense of even a defensive war
fare forms so great a burden that they
are complaining bitterly. The ap-
preparation for defence purposes this
year is e240,000, and if the warlike
natives are at all active the actual ex-
penses will be much larger.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

Bishop Coke, of Buffalo. New York,
has father, Samuel Hanson Coke, D.
d., a scholarly man, genius, and a
Presbyterian well known to fame. 1t
happened once that this reverend ia
ther visited his son, the bishop, and
the following dialogue ensued Cd Sun
day morning:
Bishop" Father, you know that l
would like to have you preach for me,
but, then, you know our church does
not recognize your ordination, and
must keep 10 the order"
DR.. Cox-"May God forgive me for
being the father OF FOOL
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
A child nm he;no sbown tho n;otvro

A child, on being Shown the picture
of Daniel in the Lions Den," was af-
fected to tears. 4Don't grieve, Pet"
said the mother, "he was not devour-
ed" "I'm not crying for that" was
the reply; "but do you see that little
lion in the corner mamma ?" Well,
I'm afraid he won't get any, for Dam
iel is SO small he won't go around"
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

has a new set of teeth coming-from
Philadelphia. He is to be married
to girl one hundred and two years
old, who still takes in washing. They
have been engaged eighty-nine years,
but their parents persistently refused
their consent until three days ago.
John Wagner is two years older than
the Rhode Island veteran, and yet has
never tasted a drop of liquor in his
life, unless you count whiskey.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

A little girl in Peoria, ILL.,, attempt
ed suicide the other day. She assign.
ed as reason that her father had
disowned her because she had prefer
red to work in a hotel kitchen to at
tending school where her playmates
made fun of her sore eyes.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

that between the celebrated Irish bar
risters, John Philpot Curran and John
Egan, nicknamed " Bully Egan. The
latter was a man of immense size,
while Curran was slim and short
The chances of being hit were, there
fore, in favor of the former, Tor, las
Curran said) it is like firing at a hay.
stack. CurraD, therefore, proposed
to equalize the chances by chalklng
lines on Egan's body, so as to marx
his (Curran's) size thereon, and by
agreeing that no shot should count
which took effect outside OF these
llnes.-Lippincott's Magazine.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

Raising short horn pure breed cat
tie must be profitable business In
Kentucky, where bull calves under
one year old sometimes bring more
than 5000. g
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

The suicidal mania is prevalent in
Paris. Duels are also much in vogue.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
: Pc c T A CL E 5 ,

also keep a large assortmcn ofthe very bcs
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
Fancy Goods.

Customers will always find large Stock ofthe
Justly Celebrated
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23

TO be found ia Market and can always suit all
eyes that can be benefited by Spectacles. In
Cutlery, such as
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
ELGIN WATCHES.

ofall the different qualities and prices, in Coin
Silver and Gold Cases also,
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
WALTHAM WATCHES.

ofall varieties, and tho best makes of
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-11-23
FOREIGN WATCHES,

imported expressly for me and marked with my
name, for sale at the most