The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-09-24
aIrit ants Dut,tur .

dub II attn 4Dlttttnt.
- The Moralist's weapon-An old
saw.
- The Best thing in the Bed of the
Ocean-rhe sheet anchor.
- False hair is quoted lower in |
Paris-way down the back.
- Editors ought TO be able to live
very cheap-they get "bored' tor
not Ing.
Why is Canada like courtshlp!
Because it borders on the uuited
States.
- Why are teeth like verbs Be
cause they are regular, irregular ana
detective.
- In the language of flowers, If
you wish for ''heart 's-ease," nayer look
to ''marrigold.
An American has given Patti
silver bucket with the sentiment that
it may be long before she kicks it,
"A little boy down East, who was
asked if be knew where liars went an
swered yes-they went TO Chicago to
write for the papers.
lIulIl 10 Ollt vi bliC AtAiNSb SS1'hS'
Many youth has been lost III society
by allowing 1t to tarnish his character
and foolishly throwing 1t away.
-"Why do women spend so much
time and money on dress?" asked
gentleman of a belle. 40 worry 9TH
er women" was the diabolical reply.
--"Can you steer that mainmast
down the forecastle stairs?' said a sea-
captain TO new hand. "Yes, sir,
can, if you will stand below and coil it
up"
"A husband complains sadly AT
the price of ducks His wife recently
bought three for one hundred and thir-
ty dollars, Wis: A duck of dress, 4
duck of bonnet and q duck of Il par
asol.
An honest dame in the town of
-, standing beside the corpse of her
deceased husband, bewailing in piteous
tones his untimely departure, observed:
.slt's pity he's dead, for his teeth are
as good as they ever was.n
SAY, Pomp, you Niger, where
you get that new hat?"
why at de shop of course
What is de price of such an article
as dat p
i don't know nigger-l don't know,
dc shop keeper lcdSnt ddr.
A member of a fashionable
church in New York electrified music
dealer the OF Ter day by inquiring tor
sSolomon's Songs His rector had
spoken of it rs production of great
genius and beauty, and he wanted his
daughter to learn it.
~, Of
country towns, makes a home retoft
upon her husband by advertising that
she "can NOS live with man that
would drink quart bottle full of Rich
ardson's bitters, sweetened with plat
of opodeldoc, in five minutes.
Fanny Fern says: ''lf one half
OF the girls knew the previous lives OF
the men they marry, the list OF old
maids would be wonderfully increased.
Whereupon the Boston Post asked III
the men knew what their future lives
were to be, wouldn't it increase the list
of old maids still further?
A constable pursued thief, who
took refuge on stump in a swamp,
and pulled up after HIM the rail on
which he went out. The constable
made the following return:
'sSightab le-cUnversa lest
come at.able--in swampuIn-up stum-
pum-railo."
A young man Of limited intelli-
genee, who was recovering from a long
fit of sickness, being told by his physi-
clan that he might now venture ON IA
little animal food exclaimed: No yon
don't, doctor. live suffered enough
on your Cruel and stuff, and hang me
if l touch any OF your hay and oats.
a Sunday school teacher was
giving a lesson on Ruth. She wanted
to bring out the kindness of Boaz in
commanding the reapers to drop larger
handfuls OF wheat. "NOw, children.
she said, ''Boaz did another very nice
thing for Ruth; can you tell me what it
was r'' Married her !" said one of the
boys.
"A certain literary gentleman,
wishing to be undisturbed one day, III
structed his irish servant to admit no
one, and if any one inquired for hlm
TO give an equivocal answer. Night
came, aud the gentleman proceeded to
interrogate Pat as to his callers.
s.Did any one call?"
ayes, sur, wan ginrleman.
"What did lie say nv
tsHe axed was yer honor ill.,"
"WeIl, what did you tell hiu?'
"Sue, gey him quivyikle answer,
jist.'
,,How was that?"
II axed was his grandmother a mon