Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1869-07-08
Written for the Republican.
THE ssM n.D

every respectable reader of the RepublicaR,
we can not reply to the article Of rs,
w. Holmes, M. D." in the last Union
and now only ask room to say fareaoeil
to our more than victorious hero! In
doing even this much we must ask the
readers pardon for the, few quotations
we may make from the. DoctoT's last
article. We shall try. only to- present
words and phrases. the most icssste,
used by him, SO as not to offend eFeh
the most tastidious of your readers. {, "
Supposing his I'M. B. to mean men
tally demoyalixed We ask the /. readers
charity for him, in such distress, in the
use of language, subject and occupation.
In his first tilt at us the heels of s'Sweet
Sally" were also charged upon! Having
gained uictory there he next charges
from "Little Sandusky" on many
'insane" and "dbsolute maniaes!'' Finding
mind to be too much for his medical (?)
calibre. he again returns to matter, and
without mercy attacks our ''ALIMEN-
TARY CANAL! Soon, from the effect
produced on his olflctory nerves, he
pitches into "Mifflin Township" charg-
ing that whole township with produ-
cling that "terribie smelI!'
If he will 'sstick his nose in our dish"
or in our "canals" what right has he to
charge the ''smell" on 'Miffiin Town
ship?' IFS. w. Holmes, NJ. D." will
engage in such dirty work, uoluntarily,'
for we never employed him, for the pub
lie eye, let the .'smell' ever remain on
him! si
Having at last found his way to our
boaoels, and feeling at home with their
contents, which now seem to command
the undivided and earnest attention of his
brain. and the one being about equal to
the other, 1--WE will, at this point ''drop the
curtain" leaving the immortal IS. W.
Holmes, NJ. D." in the background,
with his mighty pen in one hand and
mightier cane in the other-with his
sleeves rolled up to his shoulders-his
head thrown back-his nose turned up,
and his "eyes bugged out" beholding
in wonder and amazement, the effect
produced by the application of his
''Sockdologer" At his right may be
seen Our 'ALIMENTARY CANAL; at his
left 1.-The large amount of corrupt mat
ter already 5ecter'; in front the scales
he used in weighing the same - at his
rear the "fetid matters" and as the cur
tain drops. there stands IS. W. Holmes NJ
D." enveloped in the offensive gases, .
and complacently smiling, while he
sings. - s-s
stake my reputation as a "citizen" and man
That as stylish, off-hand writer, occupy the
van!
And when it comes to Doctors, living near OF
far, -e. .-.-.-
can beat the whole "coNsARN," with my ole
''Sockdologer,"
Yes boys, with my old 'Sockdologer,'
My old ''Sockdologer.'' te.
The "gasses' so offensive. to nostrils more
refined, 49,
are SUITED to my body, and SOOTHING to m,
mind!
For when they rise from channels, near by Of
distant lar, -t
Iremove the cause at once, with my old Sock
dologer''
Yes, boys, with my old "sockdologer.''
My old "Sockdologer,'
In pounds and ounces, scruples, drachms, ana
The exact amount "EJEcTED," to know tax,
great pains!
For "Mifflin' town may call-my NAME ha
For the right to use, in need, my old ''Sock
dologer!''
Yes, boys, to use my old ''sockdologerr'
My old ''Sockdologerr'
And "Cooney," toe o, there he stood. his or
gan grinding ever
And as he viewed the rigging" there, HI
thought us end was coming, neveri
But 20 my aid l called nurse" whose nam'
is -. 3. R.
And on my patient, then we used my ole
"Sockdologer.''
Yes, boys, my old ''sockdologe,i''
My old s:Sockdologer.' ,...
And now my '.job," so "biS,' is ended-th'
''lacteaI" flowing free
And now my name, once STACY" is Doctor
"Homes, NJ. D. -
And now stand all ready, the "heniorrhoid>'
to cure; C-.
With my steady, old ''soekaologert'
Yes, boys, with my old ''Sockdologer.''
Ny old "Sockdologer"'
Though now the curtain low has dropt. M.
music still you'll hear, .-tr ,...
For my callins's suited to my taste, and pa
tients plenty nearl
And when fail, with common means, my oh
ject to secure SO.
I'll bring to bear, with sure effect, my oil
"Sockdologern' 20
Yes, boys, my old "sockdologerl"
My old ''Sockdologer!''
And now, dear reader. with "Erastus
Stacy" alias IS. w. Holmes, NJ. D." sc
I am done! If I can not write will
clean hands-and IN such style as not t.
offend the finer feelings ofyour natures
then you never more shall hear from
me. 9.
All the quotations in this article arr
from the pen of that chaste and ready
writer IS. w. Holmes, M. D." (?) ant
only used here to show how extremely
offensive even an "M. d. may max,
himself to a community at large, an(
not because delight in their dissent
nation.
When writers ''let down to suc1
depths" then readers may well become
disgusted, for such articles are bu
feasts for the more vulgar in our midst
and in every way censurable, and
can take to myself no praise even fol
this notice.
While the uictor stands fresh amids
the gases Of his earthly glory, W.