National opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1865-1874, 1869-10-15
Mark Train on .Nr. Beecher.

The Rev. Henry Ward Beecher's
private habits are the subject of
Mark Twain's latest contribution to
the Buffalo Express. The whole
article is extremely funny, but that
portion which relates to Mr.. Beech
cr's EARNING oxreriouue is in the
most eXtravagant vein, and quite
equal to his best efforts. 1t is as
follows:
Mr. Bcecher's farm consists of
thirty-six acres. and is carried on
on strictly scientific principles. He
never puts in any part of q crop
without consulting his book. He
ploughs and reaps and digs aud
sowS according to best authorities
and the authorities cost more tn an
the other farming implements do.
AS soon as the library is complete,
the farm will begin to be a profitable
investment. Book farming has its
drawbacks. Upon one occasion.
when it seemed morally certain
that the hay ought to be cut, the hay
book could not be found it was too
late, and the hay spoiled.
Mr.. Beecher raises some of the
finest crops of wheat in the country,
but the untavorable difference be
tween the cost Of producing it and
its value after it is produced, has
intertered considerably with its sue,
cess as Il commercial enterprise
His special weakness is hogs, how
ever. He considers hogs the best
game a farm produces. He buv>
the original pig for dollar and a
half, and feeds him forty dollars
worth of corn, ,and then sells him for
about nine dollars. This is the only
crop he ever makes money on. He
looses on the corn, but he makes
seven dollars and half on the hog
He does not mind this, because he
never expects to make anything OH
corn anyway And any way it turns
out, he has the excitement of rails
ing the hog anyhow, whether he gets
the wcrth of him or not. His straw
berries would be Il comfortable sue
cess if the robins would eat turnips
but they won't, and hence the diff
Guilty.
, One of Mr.. BeeCher's most har-
) risSing difficulties in his tarmln:
operations comes of the close re
Semblancc of different sorts of seed,
and plants to each other. 1--WE
years ago his far-Si ghtedneSs warn
/ ed him that there was going to be ;
great scarcity of watcr-melons, ,ant
: therefore he put in IA crop of twenty
/ seven acres Of that fruit. But whel
r they came up they turned out to b
. pumpkins, and Il dead loss was th
d. consequence. Sometimes II portion
5 of his crop goes into the ground tn
e most promising sweet potatoes, an
5 comes up the most internal carrots
$ though never heard him express
e in just that way. When he bougll
his farm, he found one egg in ever
e hens nest on the place. He sal
S that here was just the reason VIII
h so many farmers failed-they sea
e tered their forces too much--cOnceI
q tration was the idea. SO he gait
II cred those eggs together and p,
h them under one experienced Old hel
If That hen roasted over that contra,
p night and day for eleven week
Il under the anxious personal supcrv
. sion of Mr.. Beccher himself but sl
l. could not phase those eggs. Why
+, Because they were those iniamor
o porcelain things which are used l.
u ingenious and fraudulent farmers ;
t. nest eggs But perhaps Mr.. Bccc
. er's most disastrous experience ";
y the time he tired to raise an immcn
Ut crop of dried apples. He plant'
r. fifteen hundred dollars worth, b
,e never q one of them sproutcd. !
Ut has never been able to understal
N to this day, what was the matt
t. with those apples