North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1869-10-20
WHOLE No. 679.


A""A - W V0AA anu tnc w llu Male
Mr.. Clemens, the editor of the Buffalo
Express, occasionally finds time, away
from his editorial duties, to "interview'
the most celebrated subjects of floating
newspaper paragraphs. Out west he has
been pursuing his Mark Twainisms in
company with the noted Wild Man, whom
the reader may possibly have read of:
There has lately been (says Mr.. Twain)
so much talk about the mysterious "wild
man" out there in the west for some time,
that l finally felt that it was my duty to
60 out and ''interview' him. There was
something peculiarly and touchingly ro-
mantle about the creature and his strange
actions, according to the newspaper re-
ports. He was represented as being hairy,
long-armed, and Of great strength ard
stature; ugly and cumbrous; avoiding
men, but appearing suddenly and unex-
pectedly to women and children; going
armed with club, but never molesting
any creature, except sheep or other prey !;
fond of eating and drinking, and not par
ticular about the quality, quantity, or
character of the beverages and edibles !:
living ir the woods like wild beast !:
seeming oppressed and melancholy, but
never angry; moaning, and sometimes
bowling, but never uttering articulate
sounds. Such was "Old Shep" as the pa
pers painted him. felt that the story of
his life must be sad one-a story of suff-
ering, disappointment, exile-a story of
mans inhumanity to man in some shape
or other-and l longcd to persuade the
secret from him. When at length l found
myself confronting him, he commenced
the interview thus:
"Since you say you are member of
the press" said the wild man, ~ am will
ling to tell you all you wish to know.
By-and-by you will comprehend why it is
that | am SO ready to unbosom myself to
a newspaper man when l have SO studi.
ously avoided conversation with other
people. will now unfold my strange
story. was born with the world we live
upon, almost. l am the son of Cain"
"What!'
~ was present when the food was an>
nounced."
(which ~
~ am the father of the Wandering
Jew.'
'Sirr'
I moved out of reach of his club, and
went on taking notes, but keeping wary
eye on him all the while. He smiled a
melancholy smile, and resumed
"When I glance back over the dreary
waste of ages, | see many glimmering
landmark that is familiar to my memory.
And oh, the leagues have travelled the
things have seen! the events I have
helped to emphasize! was at the assas-
sination of Caesar. l marched upon
Mecca with Mahomet. was in the Cru
sades, and stood with Godfrey when he
planted the banner of the cross upon the
battlements of Jerusalem. /"
"One moment, please-have you given
those items to any other journal? Can
l."
"Silence!' l was in the Pinta's
shrouds with Columbus when America
hurst upon his vision. l saw Charles /.
beheaded. was in London when the
Gunpowder Plot was discovered. was
present at the trial of Warren Hastings.
l was on American soil when Lexington
was fought-when the Declaration was
promulgated-whep CORVALLIS surrena>
ered-when Washington died. entered
Paris with Napoleon after Elba. l was
present when you mounted your guns and
manned your fleets for your War of 1912
when the South fred upon Sumpter-
when Richmond fell-when the Presi-
dents life was taken. In all the ages,
have helped to celebrate the triumphs of
genius, the achievements of arms, the
havoc Of storm, fire, pestilence, and fam
ine."
''Your career has been stirring one.
Might l ask you how you came to locate
in these dull Kansas woods, when you
have been so accustomed to excitement
during what l may term such protract-
ed period, not to put too fine point upon
it?'
'Listen. Once was the honored SER
vitor of the noble and the illustrious,"
(here he heavcd sigh and passed his
hairy hand across his eyes,) shut in these
degenerate days am become the slave of
quack doctors ard newspapers. am
driven from pillar to post, and hurried up
and dewn, sometimes with stencil plate
and paste. brush, to de6le the fences with
cabalastic legends, and sometimes in gro
tesque and extravagant character for the
behest of some driving journal. Iattend'
ed to that Ocean Bank robbery some
weeks ago, when ! was hardly rested from
finishing up the pow-wow about the COM
pletition Of the Pacific Railroad; imme-
diateiy was spirited off to do an afro
cious murder for the New York papers
next to attend the wedding of patriarch
al millionaire next to raise a hurrah
about the great boatrace and then, when
had just begun to hope that my old
bones were to have q rest, / am bundled
off to this bowling wilderness to strip, and
jibber, and be ugly and hairy, and pull
down fences, and waylay sheep, and scare
women and children, and waltz around
with club, and play wild Man gener-
all to crafty the whim of a
bedlam Of crazy newspaper scribblers
From ono and of this contin nent tn tha 9th.