Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-06-08
Joe COse Dc Co.

Joe COSe Dc 20.
Hub -bub-A Boston boy. ea
The first Odd Fellow-Adam.
"Rill Stickers' w oodpeckers
The woman in white-Any one retiring
Ought authoresses to dress in book muslin?
A yife's kiss for money is well termed legal
tenderness.
romance of the middle ages-An old
maid s loye-letter.
There are two classes that catch at straWs-
Drowning men and lovers OF juleps.
Some of the pleasantest lawyers in this town
bring the most cross actions into our courts.
A wag who was asked to buy a bank note de-
tector one day said he would purchase 1t II 1t
would detect a bank-note In his pocket.
sentimental chap intends to petition Con
gress for grant to improve the channels OF at
lection. so that henceforth the course OF true
love may run smooth.
Jenkins wife's lips are chapped. He wants
TO find the chap that chapped them. lie pro,
noses TO extract few teeth for that chap and
dress his optic in the gloomy habillments OF
woe.
At Virginia CITY. an enterprising Yankee
has established himself as professor OF pro
fame language" He invites pupils from Hell S
DELIGHT to Yuba Dam. His schools already
a success.
Soon after Sir Henry Rivers took orders, he
was told by friend that he would undoubted-
" become bishop. Indeed u said Sir Hen
nv: why SOP Because rivers invariably
go to the sea.
Begging in Mexico Traveller. e Amt you
ashamed to beg-a stout fellow like you! L
should think you might work. Picturesque
beggar-( drawing himself up Senior, ask
ed you for aims, not for advice
A raw Jonathan who had been gazing at a
garden in which were several. statues, exclalm-
ed Just see what waste Here no less
than six scarecroWs in this little ten-foot patch
and any one of 'em would keep the crows from
five acre lot.
A young minister was discourslng on the ex-
pansive character Of the human mind, and said
Eyes, my friends the mind Of man is SO ex-
pansive that it can soar from star to star, and
from sachelite to sachelite. and from seraphene
to seraphene, and from cherrybeam to cherry
beam, and from thence to the center Of the
dome of heaven.
''How do yer sell yer almanacs, mister?''
twenty-five cents apiece.
TWENTY-FIVE that's too DEAR
''No, indeed they will be dearer next year.
"Wisba, is that SOP
Eyes, sir, and no mistake.
"If that's the case, give me four OF them,
and that will be enough before they rise
Says writer in Blackwood: 81 remember
cruel old schoolmaster of mine, who always
accompanied his fagellations with the as
surance we'd bless him yet for this scourging,
and that the time would come when We d thank
him on our knees for those wholesome fog
gings; but after long lapse of years [ have
felt no gratitude, nor ever met school-telloW
who did. -
BRIEF BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCHES.
parte IA harum skarum sort OF fellow who
occupied a position of considerable importance
in the French nation The impression went
abroad that he was ambitious, which damaged
his reputation materially. He gained the res
pect and admiration of the French nation, be-
cause he was not Frenchman. When asked
if he thought that he could rule France he re-
piled, Of Corscan. The close of his life was
not as bright as the beginning, but there was
more of it in narrow compass
-e
man being lately on q tramp to Canada,
says that at a certain farm house in the back
woods, where he had occasion to stop, the fol-
lowing rich scene took place:
The family were about to partake of their
breakfast, and sat down for that purpose. The
old man being lover Of squirrels, and that be-
ing the principal dish Of the morning repast,
had his particular piece laid on the side of the
dish next to him. The old man commenced
saying grace as follows:
''Oh, Lord, we thank thee for the blessing
thou hast set before US do thou guide and d.
rect us through life-here, raising his eyes he
perceived his son Gideon laying his hands on
his choice piece of squirrel, and then in hur-
ried manner ended his grace deliver US from
evil for the Lords sake, amen-by goy, Gid,
that's my piece hand it here"
In Hopkintown, Mass, lived certain Dea-
con Small In his advanced age he had the
misfortune to lose the rib Of his youth. After
doing penance by wearing weed in his hat a
full year, he was recommended to certain
Widow Hooper, living in an adjoining town.
The deacon was soon astride of his old brown
mare, with sorrel name, and on arriving at the
widow door, he discovered her in the act of
turning the suds from her wash-tub. Said the
deacon: rs this the Widow Hooper," Eyes,
sir, was the reply. WELL continued the
deacon, Il am that little bit of an old dried
Deacon Small, and have only one question to
propose to you. PLEASE propose it, ir'-
"We, madam, said the deacon, 'have you
any objection to going to Heaven by way of
Hopkinton 2" None at ALL deacon" was the
reply. Come in, deacon" Suffice to say
they were married the next week.
Our DEVILS YARN.-I went up stairs to
bed and how long slept cannot say, but on
awaking | experienced a sensation of something
crawling over my lower limbs. Cautiously
passed my hand to the spot, and between my
thumb and forefnger | caught the despoiler of
my rest. lnstinctlvely suspected what it was.
| could have crushed it, but the consequences
would have been unpleasant So, with the
same feeling Of humanity that prompted the
sentimental Sterne to throw fly out of two
pair of stairs window, | leaned over the side of
the bed and deposited my captive in the wash
basin, which was about half-filled with water
This proceeding thoroughly aroused me- and |
concluded to see if there were any more ma
RAIDERS of my midnight slumbers. For this
purpose | got up to light the lamp. | struck
a match it fzzled and went out ] struck an
other with the same result, and disposed of it
as before With the third match got light
and then sent the half burnt match to keep
company with the Others [ then commenced
the search but made no discovery But the
strange part of my story is that while engaged
in NV examination of the bed clothes, heard
a remarkable and harmonious sound 1t ap-
peared like music in the distance, but still dis.
tinct and clear. My eyes wandered around the
room, and accidentally into the wash-bowl,
where / had deposited the bed-bug, and I was
his species. And what do you suppose he was
doing. He had constructed raft out of the
two lighted matches | had thrown into the
IL ond NTH the third he was scnllino him