The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1869-12-28
YS CUBAN PATRIOT
A Calm Inspection Of Him.
BY MARK TWAIN.

just at this time our souls are wrenched with SYM
pathy for the Cuban "patriot" and with hatred for
his inhman oppressor. Our journals are hlled with
the struggles the sufierngs, and the noble deeds OF
this patriot and nothing on earth can get atten
ton for moment unless IL has something to do with
him. The tears that are shed over his msfortunes
every day would float navy; the daily ink that Is
avished upon the lmning of his virtues would nOat
another one; and month OF the prayers that are
offered for his lifting up, II concentrated upon the
worlds dead, might precptae the final resurrection.
We are bound up, heart and soul, in our Cuban
patriot" We live but for him. we should die II he
were taken from u.s. Daily we cry, "Holy, holy, holy,
and perfect and beautiful, is Heavens beloved the
sublime Cuban 'patrtotP"
lofty how magnanmous! His career, from the
moment his heart is first stirred with patriotic emo
tions till that heart ceases to beat, is chvalrOus
romance. He begins by shouting "Down with the
Spanisrd" in the streets of Havana. Then he
and hundred OF his fellows are captured by hand
full OF soldiers and thrown into prison. Here they
take the oath to the Government, hire out to 1t as
spies upon other patriots, and finish by denouncng
hundred OF their personal friends to the Govern
ment at so much head. Those parties are duly
shot, garroted, or hanged in the public plaza, or
otherwise made away with according to the pecu-
liar taste of the commandant in the matter of exc
cutions.
Next, the patriot escapes to the country and re-
sumes patriotism once more. A few hundreds OF
them band together, and then we hear Of gallant
deedsl They pounce upon deserted plantations and
burn up the sugar crop and the negro quarters-and
forthwith our great journals shrek the tdings OF
"Another grand patriot victory"
Then the Government troops capture half the
knightly gang and shut them up in a barn and burn
them alive. And instantly our great journals, and
our congressman, and ourselves, rage about the
brutal inhumanity Of Spain-and with all our hearts
we hate those Spaniards for burning up those pure
patriots, and we know we are sincere, too notwith
standing we cannot somehow help feeling rather
Pretty soon the great journals tell u.s. in thunder
ing display lines how the patriot warrior Don Aguilar
made brilliant dash upon the great plantation OF
Senor Madre de Dios el Caderon Gewhillikens de
Vaiadolid and burned up the whole concern, con-
sidering it best on the whole to do this, inasmuch
Senor Valladolid's political opinions were exactly
of the universal Cuban pattern, and could never by
shape two hours at time, unless the holder Of the
same were asleep or dead And further the papers
six hundred followers next marched Vallodolid and
his family down the road some thirteen miles, on
foot and with ropes around their necks for conve-
nience Of steering them and then while the helpless
parents and children knelt and pleaded pteously for
life boldly carved them to pieces with bowie-knyes
And all America shouts "Hurrah for gallant Cuba!
down with her hated oppressor!" And fiercely we
besiege Congress to recognize" the struggling pa
trots and reward their single-hearted virtue with
Right away we hear that the Spanish troops and
Bustamentes arr army have met and fought tremen-
thrill from head to heel as we read how that the
battle ragged furously from eight in the morning till
six in the evening, resulting in the complete de-
struction Of eleven barns, two plantations, three
saw-mills, one hospital and its patients, and the
wounded and also one Killed by being run over by a
wagon. But grieve sore to hear that the patriot
Bustamente was taken prisoner by the brutal
Spanish horde and our hearts sink, and suffer- and
break when we hear that his captors lassoed him
and dragged him three miles to the military prison
at the heels OF galloping horse, and then decided
that it just as cheap to connne what left of
him in a coffin. And now we do abuse the uncivi-
lized sort of warfare those Spaniards wage!
But soon we rejoice once more, when we hear
that the unconquerable patriots, from safe hiding
place in the hills, have sent out emissaries and
fomented conspiracy among the slaves which has
resulted in gentle midnight massacre, by the
blacks, of a couple OF dozen slumbering families OF
Cuban impartiality to whether the families were
''patriots' or friends of the Government
And while are still rejoicing over this victory,
we learn how that the patriot instgators of it, being
close pressed laid down their arms, took the oath to
serve Spain, and then for consideration informed
on and helped to capture all those slaves and fur
nish each Of them with twelve hundred trihing
lashes the bare back with whips, in the
of which entertainment some Of the slaves died
and the rest followed suit the next day. But ah,
they died in a glorious cause. They died to free
their country from the oPpressor 1t Is sweet to die
will live in history-for nearly year.
In his sef-sacrifcing struggles for his countrys
every method and every contrvance that can aid in
the good cause. Murder, theft, burglary, arson
assassi1ation, rape, poison teacnery, ,mendacity
sides but suicide, instruments in his hands for
the salvation of his native land and the same are
instruments in the hands OF the "oppressor'
parties, patriots and Government servants
alike, stand ready at any moment, apparently,
to sell out body SOUL and boots politics. religion
and principles, to anybody that will buy; and they
seem equally ready to give the same away for
nothing whenever their lives stand in peril Both
sides massacre their prisoners; both sides are as
proud OF burning deserted plantation or conquer
ing, capturing, scalpingt and skinning crippled
blind idiot, as any civilized army would be of taking
fortified city both sides make grand school-bOy
pow-wow over it every time they fight all day long
and kill couple of sick women and disable jack
ass both sides lie, and brag, and betray, and rob-
and destroy; happy majority OF both sides fan
tastic in costume grotesque in manner, half civil
liZed, unwashed, ignorant bigoted, selfish, base,
cruel, staggering, plantation-burning semi-devs,
and it is devoutly to be hoped that Al-wse Pro-
vidence will permit them to go eating each other
up until there isn't enough left of the last ragamuin
OF the lot to hold an inquest on. Amen.
Now there you have sober, quiet opinion of the
idoliZed Cuban "patriot" and his cause and one
which is impartial and full of charity. have read
| about the Cuban ''patriot" and the Cuban sop
pressor" and the CHASTITY atrocities which they are
pleased to call 'warfare" till seem almost to have
| got enough. Everybody knows that the Cuban sop
pressor Is a very devil ncarnate and II thoroughly
| impartial newspaper accounts of the doings in
Cuba were furnished US, everybody would see that
| the Cuban ''patriot" is another devil incarnate
| just exactly like him. They are OF the same breed
| the same color, they speak the same language and
dishonor the same religion, and verify their instincts
are precisely and unvaringly the same. do moi
1 love the Cuban patriot or the Cuban oppressol
either, and / never want to see our Government
recognize" anything OF theirs but their respective
| corpses.