The Plymouth Democrat., 1869-09-16
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
4 HEARTY gentleman-Sir Loin.

A POSITIVE gentleman-Cer-taln.
A SUSPICIOUS gentleman-Sur-mise.
A CowARDLY gentleman-Sur-render.
BALTIMORE manufactured 22,511, ,1S4 ci-
gars during the last year.
MANY good man leaveth an inherit
ance in the Washington Life Insurance
Company of New York.
THE paregoric wedding" is the latest
novelty and is the first on the list. 1t is
given on the first anniversary of a married
couple who have meantime been blessed
with an heir.
AN invalid disturbed all the inmates of
his boarding house, recently, by initiating
dog. When asked why he did it, he said
he had been ordered by his physician to
use Port wine and bark.
"THE blessed man that preached for us
last Sunday" said Mrs. Partington, 'served
the Lord for thirty years-first as circus
rider, then as locust preacher, and last
as an eXhauster."
A MAN attempted to spell "crockery"
the other day, and proceeded thus,
aughkearreighe," but expired in a
spasm before he could make Y, with
which he intended to end the word.
THERE'S the Rub-"Plain faced girls
Silouiu NiNco d vi
| authority on fashion. Was there ever a
young lady who was willing to admit that
she had plain face?
| SOME things come by odd names. The
most uncommon thing in nature is styled
common sense;"a a paper half mile
| long is brief" and melancholy ditty,
devoid of sense r meaning, is a "glee."
Rev DR. ELIOT says, of all persons in
the world, travellers are apt to be the most
unreasonable, and if there is a quarter of
an inch OF scliishneSS in a man, 1t shows
! itself up in cars and steamboats,.
| EXCURsIoNIsT (from Salt Lake,. "Give
me through tickets for fifteen grown per-
sons and thirty-nine children" New
Ticket Clerk Grom Massachusetts,. "If
it's a school or an asylum, we can make
them cheaper to you" Excursionist Gn-
dignantly). "Sir, it's my own private
family, sir"
| AMONG the latest promotions in the
French army was one of captain of the
guard who was elevated to the rank OF
commandant. On learning the news his
little girl began to sing and dance and clap
her hands "What makes you SO glad ~
inquired her mother, "Whv, if papa is
commandant there will be music at his
funeral"
A ROMAN ecclesiastic, in reply to what
ever question might be proposed, began
} by saying, AZ make distinction" \
certain cardinal, having invited him tC
dine, proposed to derive some amusement
for the company from the well-knOwn pc
culiarity of his guest. Saying that he had
an important question to propose, he
, asked "Is it under any circumstance.
4 | lox,-f,,I 10 lopt;zo n, ~ ,.,oI-o
distinction" said the priest; off YOU ask
, Is it lawful to baptize in soup in general?
t | say no; if you ask, Is it lawful to bap
tie III your eXcellency's soup:' say ye:
for there is really no difference between
, it and water"
LIFE AssURANcE.-The important sub
ject of Life Assurance is gradually and de
servedly gaining public attention by The
force of its own merits. The time is no
far distant when the death Of a man leav
ing his family unprovided for by IL policy
of Life Assurance, will leave a stain o
neglected duty upon his character 1t is
! duty which every man owes to his OWL
dependents and To the community. III
, who neglccts is not q good husband, father
or citizen. He has no right even to risi
the chance Of throwing the future supper
of his family, in case Of his death, on tn,
community at large, or on relatives anC
, friends, when it is in his power so easil,
and surely to provide against such con
tingcncicS. OF all the companies doin!
q business the Washington stands second t,
: none.
THE New York Herald states that no
e long ago a tailor in that city, who is happ,
enough to be considered master of hi
@ art by some of his customers, receive,
t from Europe what appeared to be neithe
s more nor less than coffin. For time Ii
e feared to investigate the mystery. But, tax
s ing heart of grace and hammer, at last Ii
q opened the dOlorOus case, and within
$ found nothing more nor less than the cour
y tcrtcit prcscntment Of one of his devote,
: "clients." Sent abroad to reside and find
!. ing no tailor either in London or Pari
G who could do justice to his fair prppol
4 tions, this intelligent youth had caused t
: be made an exact manisin likeness O
@ himself, which he had forwarded to hi
n New York "artist," in order that his gal
o or fear Of fault.
a "MARK TWAIN" gets off the followin
: in the Buffalo Express: John Wagner
L the oldest man in Bulalo-104 years-rC
s Gently walked a mile and half in tw
I weeks. He is as cheerful and bright q
d any Of these other old men who cbarg
y around SO i'll the newspapers, and is ever
If way as remarkable. Last November
v walked five blocks in rain storm, withot
e any shelter but an umbrella, and cast Ii
g vote for Grant, remarking that he Ia
n voted for forty seven Presidents --whic
y was a lie. His "sccond crop of rich brow
g hair arrived from New York yesterda,
I ia hos nnxx- c,.f of i,afr
n from Philadelphia He is to he marie
c next week to girl 1O2 years old, who sti
II takes in washing. They have been el
l. gagged eighty years, but their parents pc
p ssten'ly refused their consent until thrt
e days ago"