The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-08-27

HISTORICAL HUMBUGs.-NO. 1.-WL-
LIAM TELL-There humbugs everywhere.
Whether we seek them abroad, or look at home,
this truth is manifest but it is particularly remark
able what number of them still remain on the
page of history. Because they are venerable and
romantic, people are afraid to expose them. But
truth must out, and we propose to have tilt at
them all round, great and small
Let US begin with William Tell. How many cen
turies has that patriotic nonentity been shooting at
that eternal apple? Dramatically treated by Schil-
more so; but as to facts, the remark, Tell est Ia
Uie,n is anything but applicable to this case since
William Tell never had life at all, but myth,
as puTe.i not as simPemas ihat other william I'M
The following facts, at least, are now admitted by
all historians:
1. Gessler was not tyrannical Governor.
2. There never was a Governor of that name.
8. Tells father-in-law was not matreated.
4. He had no Father-in-law.
5. The Swiss Revolution was not led by Tell.
6. Tell never existed at all.
If this is not enough let US critically examine the
well-known legend, and we shall find that it will
not stand the test
.William Tells father-in-law, an aged man, hav.
ing incurred the resentment of the Governor, was
barbarously punished by him.
"Tell resolved on revenge. Gessler to humii-
ate the disafected Swiss, ordered the Ducalcap OF
Austria to be placed on a pole"
Very unlikely that Pole should be made Duke
of Austria. What was the name of the Pole, and
how many o; his descendants are living?
How could they stop and bow to it if they passed
by: Tell was evidently unable or unwilling to IN
dertake the difficult feat; so he was taken into Gus
tody. and then
.'Gesser tyrannically commanded him to shoot an
apple off his sons head
Surely this was not so very tyrannical. II was ar
easy task to shoot an apple OF his head; the diff
Guilty was to shoot it when it was on his head, with
out injuring him. However, it is recorded that
William Tell performed the operation successfully
rlaftt tba arnr,l.a tf fba Imm q
There was General Shout"
What further proof have we of the existence o
an Austrian General of that name, and what had he
'And Tell to the satisfaction of all, was about tC
be set free, when Gessler noticed he had second
arrow in his belt. He asked what it was for, and
Tell replied, To send to thy heart, had slain my
This was altogether so unnecessary and melo
dramatic reply, and so obviously intended
Though no pun is, here) to produce Telling and
Arrow-ing effect, that we don't think it really hap
pened much.
The legend then relates, that William Tell. being
taken in boat to Gessler's seat of Government,
storm came on in the middle of the lake of Zurich
and all the Governors followers became instantly
reduced to lmbecility.
"Tel who was noted for a steersman, as well a:
for an archer" jthe mountaineers of Switzerland
were naturally perfect in navigation). undertook
to steer the vessel: so he was unbound, and imme
diately seized the Iiller"
We imagine the only sort of tillers the pastora
Tell knew much about were t:llers of the soil
however,
He guided the boat safely ashore. Landing
first, he levelled his bow and shot Gessler TO tht
heart"
The legend thus contradicting itself, for it else
where describes the Governor as
"A tyrant lptose heart nothing could touch.
"A revolt followed, the oppressOrs of the coun
try were driven out, and Independence crowned
the efforts of the patriots"
Being Republicans, it is doubtful whether they
cared much about having anything or anybody
crowned in their country.
But we think enough has been said to prove thai
William Tell is entitled to first rank as an histori
cal humbug, and to make our readers, when the,
are bothered about that mythical hero, scornfully
exclaim, Don't Tell mel"