Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1869-08-19
J Osh Billings Mounts Il VcIocipcdc,

The velocipead IL wise Instrumental
ity, with two wheels, placed consekulively,
one wheel before the other, and the other,
wheel behind the fust one,
They revolve on their axis, similar to
the world, from east to west, and have al
ready reached the shores of the paciick
oshun.
They are as easy tew ride as Il grind
stun.
They will undoubtedly do away with
the use of steam, and in fifty years from
now, will be the only means of locomotion
known to man.
The ladies will all use them, list az soon
az they kan settle the question, IN what
manner they shall occupy them.
Just now there IL dispute, whether
they shall occupy both sides ov the velos-
pead at once, or whether they shall remain
on one side ov them al once, similar to the
anshunt custom ov occupying the noble
animal, the boss.
1t IL to be hoped that this matter will
be laid before the "wimmins' right com
mttcen and that nothing ov a one sided
natur. should be allowed tcw hinder
woman from filling her destiny.
/ l beeaf in throwing every thing wide
/ open TO a fair competlshun between the
two sexes. velosipeads az we'll az medlsIn,
and may the best man win.
II might look lutte odd (ior the fISl
dav or two) to see the ladies divided 10y a
velo>l, cad but IN the great advance ov
prices and morals which are nov at work
= Il 4 l,t,t 4 nh ar
a foggy would object tew tiff we are
ever to reach perfeckshun in this world,
we hav all ov US got to have a fair chance
at both sides ov things.
l hav examined the scentifck princi-
pies ov the velosipeed, and find that it IL
lust az simple az bread and milk.
The rotary cohesiveness which exists in
all circumlocutory gravitatons, acktlng IN
conjunction with the simple law ov attrac
ton, preserves the moshun ov the vslosi-
pead within its proper and natural revo-
lushun.
Nothing can be more simple and yet
more beautiful than this law in science /;
the philosophers are az well acquainted
with it az they are with the 10 command
ments, and perhaps better.
There is one Improvement in the velosi
pead which I am looking anxiously for
ward to, and that IL, to learn TO stand still
till you mount them.
Nothing is more annoying than a habit
: they have got ov lying down on their
: sides, if W. undertake to endorse one OF
them standing still.
, l hav seen the noble animal, the boss,
when they wanted to git rid ov their rider
Law down sideways and roll over, and kick
up their heels This IL trick which the
velosipead haz stole from the boss without
, giving HIM credit for it,
If mi memory serves me right, the mo
shun ov the velosipead IL purely crank
moshun, similar to the grind stun, and il
produced the same way that the SCISSOR
;. grinder stirs up his masheen.
J.. l hav thought if the pioneer wheel oN
/. the Widespread could be made out ov whit
;. stones, it might be used while in progress
!, for sharpning razors and carving knives
and thus bekum means of grace az wei
az butv, but this would axe the poetry al
u out ov il, and degrade it down to the leve
J; of usefulness.
|; If YOU want tew take the starch out o
" novelty, Jest set it tew work at sumthin
). useful, it bekums inelegant to once.
/. The moshun ov the velospead is pro
), duced by the action of the leggs Cor rathe
Il the action of the pedal extremetys,) tn
y word leggs IL altogether too obscene 70
l. every man to use, who ever expects tie,
'e run for the legislator, or be caught in tn
d society ov refined people.
N This fakt is sufficiently explained tie,
). the latin skoller, who understands tina
"velosipeads" is manufactured out ov tw
) !, forrin words, "veloss" and "pedess" whic
vulgarily means "lvely legs" but polltel
l. means, ..pedal swiftness."
:, If man don't understand latin now
daze he kant hardly enjoy the converse
shun ov bod carrier.
pt he velospead IL not modern discoy
Is cry long before the daze of Adam an
ID Eve they waz in use.
N The heather gods had them, with on
wheel to them, and history tells us ov
! great expert, one Ixion, who got onto tn
.. side ov one ov them, and travelled all ovt
Oymphian country.
10 Ihav seen them miself with only or
's. wheel to them, these had two handle
N which protruded out behind, and wei
p propelled by. a shove Eoshun.
These were fi1st discovered in Irelant