Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-05-07
9nmornns.

TINS world is all feeting show, said |
priest to a culprit on the gallows YES, .
was the prompt reply, ''but if you have no
objection, I'd like to see the show liltle
longer.
A NooDLE writes to ask Punch if there is
any truth in the old saying, that pigs see
the wind, and if SO, what wind ia it they |
see. Punch replies, "whY, Of course they /
can, and the particular wind in question is
'Sow-wester. ~
AT a certain church fair. held during the
winter, set of CoopeF's works was promised |
to the individual who should answer certain |
number Of eonundrums a dashing young
fellow was announced winner, and received
set Of wooden pals
u SAY. Pompey," said one freedman to
another, ''dis chile has tried lots OBJ git fares
aud tings for a prize, bat nebber could draw
anything at all. "Well, Caesar, I'd wise
you to try a hand cart; de chances are a tou-
sand to one dat you could draw dat"
THr other day X called on Madam Q.
MADAM, can see your husband ~ NO.
sir; he is out at present. He went out to buy
a cigar" did he say when he would return
madam % "Ao" "Has he been gone
long ~ More than twenty years" "Ah,
see, said X, "he wanted to get good
one
A DoAEsrIc, newly engaged, presented
to his master, one morning, pair Of boots,
the leg Of one Of which was much longer than
the other. 4'How comes it, you rascal, that
these boots are not Of the same length p Il
really don't know, SIR; but what bo'hers me
most is, that the pair down stairs Is in the
same fix
A Boy in Cambridge was recently excused
from school to attend q funeral; but truant
officer found him, soon after. Witnessing
game Of baseball, AID asked him why he did
not 20 to the funeral With the utmost cool |
ness, the youDgster replied-''I went down to
the house to attend it, bat the man isn't dead
yet.
..Aag YOU an Odd Fellow
.No. sir, I've been married week.
II mean do you belong to the Order of
Odd Fellows p
No belong to the order Of married
men"
Thunder how dumb. Are you a ma
son"
No. / am a carpenter by trade.
'Worse and worse Are you Son Of
Temperance ?i
C0nfouud you, no. 1 am the son Of Mr..
John Gosling."
A CLeEcyuAx, in the county Of Durham,
England. tells the following snecdote He
had taught al cid man 10 bis parish to read,
and had found him aa apt pupil After the
lessons had flushed, he had not been able to
call at the cottage for some time, and when
be did be only found the wife at home.
How's John? said my friend. He's canny
sir. said his wife How does he get on with
bis reading? Nicely, SIR An, l suppose
he Il read his bible very com fortably, now.
Bible, sir bless you, he was out Of the bible
and into the newspaper long ago.
HEAVY THUyDER.-W have seen the fol-
lowing in print before but as there is some
change it will bear telling over again:
A family in La Crosse, Wisconsin have
been missing stove-wood for several weeks
past. On the return of one Of the members
Of the family, few days since, the case wao
stated, aud Sunday night very pretty stick
Of fuel was left with others on the wood pile.
In the stick we're TWO ounces Of powder, for
safe keeping. Monday the stick was there;
Tuesday the stick was there, and the laugh
was getting on the man who fixed it. We'd
nesday morning the stick was gone. We'd
nesday forenoon an explosion was heard in a
house neat by, and kitchen window was
spared no poaes On going to the spot,
sight might have been seen. The stove had
/ Joined piece conference. A kettle Of pork
and cabbage shot up through the roof like an
arrow. A dish Of apples, stewing on the
stove, gave the ceiling the appearance of
map of California. A cat, sleeping under the
stove, went through the broken window, as
| though after the devil OF doctor. The cat
has not been heard from since, but smell Of
burnt cat hair peryades the house very thor
oughly A aat-iron was hoisted into pan
of dough, a chair lost three legs, the wood
box looks sick, while the roof Of the house
looks ike a busted apple-dumpliug. The oc-
cupant Of the ruins says, ''Such dunder never
comes before, or he buys a Iighteniu' rod By
tam.
THE New Orleans police relate an incident,
recently occurring in the city, which discIoses
a very adventurous disposition on the part Of
a certain burgler 1t appears that he had en-
tered a house in which couple Of young la
dies resided. In his search after plunder, he
visited their apartment. Seeing the disorder
in which sometimes the rooms Of young ladies
are left, an idea occurred to him to examine
and then Try on the loose apparel scattered
about The hoops, with their many tangled
bars, we're first adjusted TO his person. Then
he donned the overskirt, and over this he put
the dress. Next be found bonnet, and, after