The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1869-09-06


[7ooip'as areward aforI the beauty of your
! fatherIs1work." ."Ho!y Father, a,replied
the child, take it out for me, your; hand
is bigger than mine!"
sTnE New Tax LAw.-Somebody pro-
poses the following amendments to The tax
bill.
For kissing'a pretty girl, one dollar.
e For kissing bomely one two dollars,
the extra amount being added probably
for the mans folly.
For ladies kissing one another, one
dollar. The tax is placed at this rate in
order to break up the custom altogether,
il being regarded by our NJ. iU!,s as n
piece of inc1cusable absurdiiy..a7
For every Irritation, ten GEMS.
Every young man who has moro than
one girls taxed FIVE dollars. 'a,' -e'
For counting in tue kitchen, twenty-five
cents. i, lgb. a5a aEszgsg ~ 5s
Counting in the parlor, one dollar. .
Counting in romantic place, five
dollars, and fifty cents thereafter. Il
Seeing lady home from church,
twenty-five cents. sa.h .ls 1853 &
Going from church without accompany
ing a lady, FIVE dollars. hl- rea,e'
Seeing lady from the mite society, five
cents-the proceeds toibc devoted to tho
relief Of disabled army chaplains. l.S,5a
For ladies' who paint, fifty cents. ,ia
lor;xearinga low ucckcd dress, one
dollar. r. aE fzj.s gbaf y l2lf
For each curl on a lady's head, above
ten, FIVE cents. .lia ssP. gf5 sa
For any unfair device for entrapping
young men into matrimony,, five, dollars.
For wearing hoops larger than eight
feet in circumstance, eight cents for each
hoop. tsd aiI ads lg 7iLsi sagb5 80
Old bachelors over thir.yare taxed ten
dollars, and banished to Utah. s.s
Each pretty lady is to be taxed from
twenty-five cents to twenty-five dollars !;
she TO fix :hc estimate OF her own beauty.
Its thought large sum is to be re-
allied from this provision. as. q.
Each boy baby, fifty cents. sa
Each girl baby, ten cents.
Families having more than cightbabies,
are not to be taxed and for twins pre-.
MUM Of forty dollars nil be paid out Of
the funds accrucing fromta on old bach.
elors. Gssaf I'D sse
Each Sunday loafcr on the street cor.
ners or about church doors, to be taxed bis
value, which is about two cents.
Tng RACES DIrrEn.--Two negroes
Charles Brown and. Jacob Merriman, act.
ing under the presumption that We'll.
would continue to rule Virginia notwith.
standing his late defeat, recently commit.
ted on outrage on young ladynear From
Royal, in that State. On Thursday night
they were lynched. Thus it may 10 seen
that the races will differ on the grea,
question Of human rights. These negro
men were clearly Of the opinion that III
perpetrating their nameless crime they
were merely ayailing themselves Of right
guaranteed them by loyal ballots and
! legislation. The white men who hung
them took a different view. And yet the
direct effect Of radical teaching is to in.
cite the blacks to just such crimes and tc
draw down upon their heads the ven.
geance Of outraged public decency.
|
MRs. PARrrsorox SnopplSo.-"Comc
Ike, get your basket and let's propel te
town."
They enter a fashionable millincr's cs
Enlistment. ~ l1}7' .ai sel
"How do you sell pitaterspp s1a.
1 q"Do you mean madam, to insult me 2
! "Well ] would like to consult you abou
getting a couple Of pecks. Ike bring
along your basket" ~ 40 ~
""l3ut madame, we do not deal in pota.
toes" ~ saa ~ q '''a
"Your advertisement" gs ion
"Our advertisement! 1t certainly says nc
such thing"
"But it doz. Ike conc here. Didn'
you read to me the other night about thi,
new millinery store having conceived :
new assortment Of pitatcrs from New
| York :"
Ike mods.
There, now, you'needn'tbc skccrcd
| amt no internal revenue detective"
! Milliner smiles. VI ifgf 3a.
MADAME, you have made mistake
Our advertisement announces for sale pal.
'Ipititors, new article Of female apparel
with which young ladies, whose bosom,
are not fully developed, are enabled tc
beautify their forms, and render percepti.
bic the aifectionate emotions Of their Low.
ing hearts. Hence they are called palpi.
tators" ~. s'a}'t ~ ~ ''e'a ~
"I.a, inc your advertisement didn't say
anything tbout parallels envelopinp
female bosoms aud show their notions o.
affection. Now, If you would denounct
them as bosom pitaters which I have
much affection for, besides my bosom Il
parallel enough, and ! pretend for the fu.
turc to keep il SO without putting pitatcrs
In it anyhow. Goodbye, Mrs. Nlilliner
Come Ike, let's tramp" lh1tti a.''"
RAILROAD Can ScSsE.-The Columbia
~ A. -.