The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1869-01-07
All ABOUT OSCILLATION.

Josh Billings, who would be just as
humorous if his orthography was a trifle
better than it is, gives his views as follows
on subject that young people are cor
rectly supposed to be very much interest
ed III:
JOSH BILLINGS on Kissing.
| have written essays on kissing before
this one, but :hey didn't satisfy me, nor dew
l think this one Will, for the more a man
undertakes tew tell about a kiss the more
he will reduce his ignorance to a science.
Yu kant aualize kiss emmy more than yu
kan the breath ov a -four. Yu kant tell
what makes a kiss taste So good emmy more
than yu kan peach.
Emmy man who kan set down, WHARF it IS
cool, and tell how kiss tastes, haint got
enHy more real favor tew his mouth than a
knot hole haz. Such phelIo wouldn't
hesitate tew describe Paradise as fust rate
place for gardin sass.
The ouly way tew describe kiss is tew
take one. and then set down, awl alone, out
ov the draft, and smack yure lips.
If you kant satisfy yourself how kiss
tastes without taking another one. how on
arth kan yu define it tew the next man.
l have heard writers talk about the egsta-
tick bliss thare was in a kiss, and they real
ly seemed tew think they knew awl about
it, but these are the same kind ov folks who
perspire and kry when they read poetry,
and then fall to whiting some ov their own,
an think they hav found out how.
l want it understood that l am talking
about pure emotional kissing, that is born
in the heart, and flies tew the lips, like
humming bird tew to her rOoSt.
mean vicktory az robbin birds nest. and
kissing a pair ov too willing ones IL about as
uufragraut a recreation az making boqaets
out Of dandeions.
The kind OF kissing that l am talking
about il the kind that must do it or spile.
If you Sarch the rekOrds ever SO lively
you kant bud the author the first kiss
kissing, like much other good things, IL
anonymous.
But thar il much natur in it, stitch
world ov language without words, stitch a
heap ov pathos without fuss. so much honey
and so little water. so cheap, so sudden and
so neat mode of striking up an acquaint
anco. that consider it good purchase that
Adam give and got the fust kiss.
Who kan imagin a greater lump ov earthly
bliss, reduced tew a finer thing, than kissing
the only woman on earth, in the garden of
Eden.
Adam wasn't the man, don't believe, to
pass sich hand.
l may be wrong in my konklusions. but
if emmy boldly kan nate kissing further back,
l would like tew see them do it.
! don't know whether the old stock phi
losophers ever kisst enny boldly or not if
they did they probably did it like drafting
theorem on a black board. more for the pur-
pose of proving something else.
do hate to see this delightful. invigorat-
ing beverage adullerated 1T is nekter for
the gods. but | am often obliged to stand
still and see kissing did. aud not to say
word. that haint got eudy more novelty, nor
meaning in it, :han throwing stones tew a
mark.
l saw two mayden ladys kiss yesterday
on the north side ov Union Square, times
in less than 10 minutes they kisst every
time they bid each other farewell, and then
Immediately thought ov sumthing else they
hadn't sed. | couldn't tell for the life ov
me whether the kissing waz the effekt ov
what they sed. or what they sed was the
effekt ov the kissing. 1t waz a which ard
tother scene.
Cross matched kissing IL undoubtedly the
| strength of the grain. It IL trew, thare is
no stattu regulashun against two females
kissing each other but l don't think thare
| keep tools in order and two men kissing
each other IL prima face evidence of dead
| beatery.
| Kissing that passes from parent to child,
and back agin, seems to be az necessary as
shnplasters to do dizziness with and kiss
| ing that husbands give and take IL simply
! gathering ripe fruit from ones own plum
tree that would otherwise drop oph or be
stolen.
Therefore am driv tew konkIude, tew
git out ov the corner that mi remarks hav
chased me into, that the lie ov kiss is only
tew be had once in phello's life, in the or-
ginal package. and that iz when
Not tew waste the time ov the reader, i
have thought bsst not to finish the ahuv SEN
tence, hoping that there amt no person ov a
good edukashun and decent memory but
what kan rocbolect the time which refer to
without emmy oy mi help.