The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1869-01-15
Handsome is that handsome does.

The hrSt question lnat uiSluTUeu
man was the woman question, and it
bids fair to be the last.
Why is the lobe of your ear soft !
That you may close up your car when
you hear aught improper.
"A country youth says lady with a
Grecian bend looks like a crooked-neck
squash struck by lightning.
why is a fashionable young lady's
brains like specklod trout? Because
they are found under waterfall.
when may young ladies be said to
be economically When they resort to
tight lacing to avoid waist-fullness.
1t is said that more money is paid
for cigars in tho United States than for
bread. That shows we are a quitting"
people.
---Somo descendant of Solomon has
wisely remarked that those who go to
law for damages are sure to get them !
---Of all the pitiful rsgues in the
world, the very moanest are those who
beat their wives.
The "gams of lie" is very like a
game of cards. Time deals, death cuts,
and everybody is waiting for the last
trump.
Girls, never marry q niggard or
closet listed mean, sordid man, who saves
every penny, or spends it grudGingly.
Take care, lest he stints you to death.
"A convenient way ef testing the
affections of your intended is to marry
another woman. If she don't love you
you'll find it out Immediately.
AN editor became martial and was
created captain. Instead of ''two PAGES
in front-.-w no unconsciouSly bawled
out, "Cash---two dollars a year---ad-
vancew
---"Captain, mo jewell" said son Of
Erin, as a ship was coming on tho coast
in inclcment weather, "havsn't ye an al
manac on board ?" "No, haven't.n
"Then, be jabcrs, we shall have to take
the weather as it comes"
You say you know horse from
jackass, when you see themP" asked
brow-beating lawyer Of rather dull
looking witness.
ooh, ye-asjust So" drawled out the
intended victim, gazing intently at his le-
gal tormenter, II knows the difference,
and I'd never take you for horse.
"A physician passing marble
workers one morning, bawled cut to
him "Good morning, Mr.. W., hard at
work, | see. You finish one monument
as far as "In memory Of" and then ysu
wait | suppose, to see who wants mon
ument next7" "Wby, yes" replied the
old man, resting for . moment on his
maIlet, ~unless somebody is sick and
you are doetoring them--then keep
right on"
"A young lady at Newport lost
thousand dollar ring. A young gentle
man found it. On claiming the priyi-
lego of putting it on her finger himself,
the young lady assented, and held forth
the forefnger of her left hand, the en-
gagemont ring finger. The young man
was caught, tut didn't finch from his
doom, as the young lady's papa is worth
two millions.
"A story is told of an Indian, who,
looking very earnestly at barrel with
which a WAGNER drove up to the door,
asked bystander If he knew what was
in the barrel. whisky, ! guess" said
he. ''No," said tho Indian. "thero are
thousand quarrcls and fifty fights in
that barrel.o
Few men could have the lardihood to
put in circulation barrel of whisky, if
they could follow each quantity to its
place Of mischief.
"A Datehmap oneo met an Irish
man on lonely highway; as they met
each smiled thinking he knew the other.
Pat on seeing his mistake, remarked
with a hook of disappointment: ''Faitbt'
an thought it was you, an you thought
it was me, an is nayther of US" The
Dutchman replied: "Yaw, dat is dhru;
I am anundher man; and you ish not
yourself; We pc both some other podies"