The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-07-16
qHfif ans 9nlttut.

: N ~ dltu GHItut.
Johnson's cry was my policy
Grants is my relations.
THE dandy who makes the great
est flourish isn't always in nourlsh-
ing condition.
- Why are your eyes like friends
separated by distant cllmes! Ihey |
correspond, but never meet.
- A Texan genias sews COWS tails |
on old horsehides, and thus converts
the latter into understandable articles.
- Prentice says the office holders
down his way are greatly exercised
with the apprehension that they may
be swindl5d out of the right to steal.
--..How old are your" asked rail-
road conductor of a little girl whom
her mother was trying TO pass on
half ticket. 81 am nine at home, but
in the cars am only six and hall"
A friend who tried gardening
s.iust a little" last year, reports that
the bugs ate up his vines, chickens
made way with the bugs, and cats de-
voured The chickens. He goes to mar
ket now.
II have often set down square ON
the ice, by having my feet get out OF
place, but Fever see any thing in it
to Ian at tespeciallf Il Iilele waa 1V rn
tice other folks can.
A lady asked noted doctor If
he did not think the small poli.eIs
which the ladies' wore had Cehuency
to produce congestion OF the p.aih.
ooh. no. he replied, ladies that have
brains don't wear them'
The former editor and proprie-
tor of Albany (Missouri) Ledger takes
leave of the patrons OF that sheet IN the
following unique sty'e; Vaieulctory-
Farewell! No tears, no Signs, no mo-
ney. "Let us have peace. Ii. D. N.
THE poet Longfellow, al a party
in Boston. asked French gentleman,
who happened to be presant, why he
seemed SO sad and unhappy at that mo-
mens? TO which the latter replied,
"Me very mosh dissatisfy. Me just
hear dat my fadere be dead J"
Fy A western editor named Steele
Tenorts having received an offer from
n nrintnr named Doolittle to 90 into
partnership. He respectfully declined
on account of the bad sound the firm
named must have-"Doolittle and
Steal'n or DICE rsrsa. zone OF us would
soon be in the poor-house and the 9TH
er in the penitentiary.
An itinerant doctor in Texas
was applied to by one of Col. Hays
RANGERS to extract the iron point of an
Indian arrowhead from his head
where it had been lodged for Some time !.
81 cannot 'stract this, stranger" said
the doctor. bekase to do so would 90
nioh KILN Won: but tell YOU what
ca1 do can give Won a pill that will
melt it in your Read.''
uera,s little snecimen of keen
repartee which came off in a SPRING
field school the other day:
Young Gent-"i'm going TO give the
teacher a piece of my mind !"
Young Lady-''l wouldn't if | were
in your place, he has got all he wants,
and YOU haven't any TO spare J"
Young gent subsidies into ordinary
proportions.
"A Doctor once returned coat
70 a tailor because it did not fit him.
The tailor afterwards seeing the doctor
at the funeral of one of his patients.
said IN HIM
s.Ah. doctor, YOU are happy man. -
t'Why so?n
because, sale the TAILOR, you new
er nave any Oh your pad WefA returheu
Oh your hAnus'
- One night while | lay sleeping |
had dream of joy; L Thought mad
charming wife, darling little boy.
loved | Rugged, ! kissed them-l ate
them almost whole. My httie wife got
angry, my wife began TO scoldr. But
soon scream terrific awoke me from
my sleep, my face was scratched in
places-plague take the mule ofdt
NJ wife she was q pillow, my baby aoaS
a cat sn-, ss....
,.ho+ oonoo;to5 olorov-
- Ho ~ w :" To- snjaIYstoa Cor t55o
men; VIII was 'hptS ". - V',S