The Portland daily press., 1869-10-18
An A Adirondack stage Driver.

BY KATE FIELD
''What is the test product of the soil?" 1
ask.
"well, reckon the human family can't be
beat" replied the driver, suddenly waking up.
"If you keep your eyes open tight you'll see
that there's more of them than you Can shake
stick at"
"What is the next best crop?'
swell, on the whole, guess nothin' in par
ticular."
Again subsiding, he again wakes up with
the question:
"You would't like to be buried here, would
you?"
'Why not?"
because tine soils so poor youd never rise
agin."
{ 4 am inclined to believe that my friend the
driver has said this at least once before, Ii not
oftener for there is a cpnsc business in his eye
not unlike that noticeable in after-dInner
wits immediate subsequent to an impromptu
BON mot over which sleepless nights and anx-
ious days have been passed. Laughing with
the heartiness of an ingenue in modern COM
medy, and being nodded to approvinely in
consequence tsuch is the worlds farce, even
among the Adirondacks), / make inquiries
concerning the climate.
.'The climate can't be got ahead on nohow.
Nobody ever dies here, except by accileEt.-
Sometimes people do kinder give ou:, but
they are strangers, and generally come from
New York. We what stay here all the year
round dry up and blow away when we get
tired OF living. I'm gettin sparcer nor used
to be-"
AT this stage of the journey Mr. Driver
seems to entertain fears of drying up before
his time. Jumping out OF the wagon, and
proceeding to spring, he emptied the re-
mains OF bottle labelled Castor OiP' into
glass containing very little water 1t is very
peculiar looking castor oil, so peculiar that /
venture to ask whether there is any prohibit
ory law among the mountains.
"Guess not" answers Mr.. Driver, who offers
to share his dose of castor-oil, and is reward
ed for his virtue by refusal. Were law
unto ourselves. When there's no laws, there's
no transgressors. Amt that the best way?
WhaI's the use of of maxim laws just for the
fun OF standin' round and seein' em broke?
don't call prohibition Temperance nohow, do
you? And l tell you what, them folks that
came up here and go into epileptic fits when
ever they see fellow warming himself with
drop OF somethin' that amt tea, are jest the
awfullest critters on tobacco and coffee that
ever you sot your eyes on. They beat
smudge at smoking, and they drink coffee as
often as them emigrants vote in New York on
lection day. My eyes, amt it strong thought
blacker nor any Niger! Eff they 60 in for
temperance, VIII, on airth don't they peg away
on it AL round"
Expecting reply, Mr.. Driver pallses to lis
ten, but inhumanly forbear to argue, mainly
because cannot. Silence is supposed r iaa>
ply profundriy, consequently nrs-'i'e II uii-
til the putting of another, 1aessien' s,s
"How do YOU pn~pIe behaveW
"Prettu .-Si, on the whole. We've only one
ch,..cn up here. The more churches the
more backslidin' find"
"Are you married, Mr.. Drver?"
s.Tn Pm lo0lyint round for rich wife
When can find woman worth thirty thou
sand dollars / reckon I'll marry her. 1 think
considerable oil women. think they've got
to save the country. Men have got 10 be so
corrupt that ef somethin' don't step in, we'll
go to pieces as slick as maple sirup"
"Then you would have women vote?"
"No wouldn't neither. Heie you galsng,
you SAL" interpolates the driver with cut OF
the whip at the off mare. II don't 60 women's
rights no how. When say thiIk cousid-
cradle OF women, l mean think considera-
BILE OF EN- in their way, but don't want em
in my way. Homes the place for 'em, and
home influence is tneir sphere."-Atlantic
almanac for 1870.