The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-02-05
dHrit an6 Dutttar.

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- The rule of the Fates-the rule
of three.
- Why Is your nose in the middle
OF your face? Because it is the seem
ter.
- None go'to heaven but those who
have taste fer it on earth.
= How to please a lady-let her do
as she pleases.
- Truth is like torch, the more
IL Is shaken, the better it shines.
- Why is kiss like rumorY-Be-
cause 1t goes from mouth, to mouth.
- The most tender hearted man
ever heard of, was shoemaker who al
ways shut his eye and whistled when he
ran his anvil into sole.
- A Chicago preacher has been
pointing out the way to hell" Awick-
ed cotempory adds "Persons want
ing complete guide to Chicago had
better purchase the sermon.
- Why do women spend So much
time and money on dress asked a
gentleman of belle. $40 worry 9th.
er women," was the diabolical but
truthful reply.
- Yu kan judge Of "a mans religion
very well by hearing him talk,
but yu kant judge of his piety. by what
he seq, no mo than you can Judge oy
hlsamount ov linen by the stick out oy
his collars and and wristbands.
- A revivaljst encountered large
sized African, and asked him, "My good
man have you found the Lord ?'' TO
which Sambo, replied in a surprised
manner "Golly, massa, am de Lord
lost !?'
- A carpet-bagger, now In the
south, wrote to his father lately, in the
North, "Come down hare father, mighty
mean men get in office here, now. You
couia be elected United States Senator
without any trouble"
-"lf you must get drunk my good
fellow once remarked Tom Corwin
to an inebriated youth, "be careful TO
do so on good whiskey and among gem
tlemen. In this way you will escape
the headache and censure."
- An Irishman in New York, was
required to produce his citizenship
He retired and after time reappeared
bearing ON his back a house door on
which was pasted the required docu-
mehts. rms he set down before the
astonished judges.
The Siamese Twins are in Liverpool.
They will make tour of the United
Kingdom as show before going to
Paris to be cut apart. 1t will be a dear
cut to them we opine. They will be
parted below to meet above-in King
dom come.
- An inquisitive young man visit
ed the New Jersey State Prison the
other day, and among his questions ne
asked girl the cause of her being i'm
SUCH place. Her answer was that
she ''stole saw-mill, and went back af-
ter the pond and was arrested"
"A young Irishman, who married
when he was about nineteen wears of |
age, complaining of the difficulties TO |
which his early marriage subjected him
said he would never marry SO Young |
again If he lived to be as old as Methu,
saleh.
- An old minister enforced the
difference of opinion by argument =
IN ow. If everybody had been of nv
opinion they would have all wanted
my old woman" One of the deacons.
whe sat just behind him responded -
Eyes, and If everybody had been of nv
opinion, nobody would have her,"
= A Quaker gentleman, riding in
q carriage with fashionable lady deck
ed with profusion of Iewelrv. heard
her complain of the cold. Shiyerinp in
her lace bonnet and shawl, as light as a
cobweb, she exclaimed {: sWhat shall
do to get warm p 81 really do not
xnow," replied the Quaker, solemnly.
unless thee should put on another
?"
= General Sherman is said to de-
Test new uniform and never appears
N new clothes if he can help it, The
reason is said to be that when he was
lieutenant he was one day In Washinp-
,on summing himself in bran new OUT
1t at the door of his hotel. when a
crowd of boys gathered, and one of
hem inquired, s'Mister, where's your
'ngine going to squirt 20
- A fellow in Decator Illinois. the ]
':her day thought he had found a long
'iece OF dress goods upon the pavement
he picked up one end OF it and COM
neneed rapping it around his arm,
When on looking around the corner he
discovered lady at the other end of II
uietly talking to a fiiend. He sud-
~fy NAOpPSN hio "a iZC dilu bIdTLIQ OIL {
ONE.
- A talented young African OF the
I the boot-black persuasion, while dam
ing like st. Vitus over customers
cots the other day, observed a neigh
or porting wisely over a newspaper.
'hereupon he addressed him thus
"Julius, what de debil you looking at
at paper fur? You can't read"
go away fellah," replied the other
IdIgnantly. "Guess l can read. rs
q nuff tur dat" ly
big nuff' retorted the first one scorn- o
lily. "Dat ain { muffin. A cows bio W
iough to coteh mice but she can't dc
- 81
"A Galveston gentleman, lately as
opping at the Nicholson House, Bas-
op, was in a room recently occupied "A
7 the agent Of the Freedman S Bureau. II
ne evening Tom, a freedman. ENTER Ii
the room to make fire, and after IN IN
ing so sat down, crossed his legs and 70
ade Eimselfa. home, smoking and
lifting in the fire place. The Calves n
Man asked what he meant by such I
Pom looked up in evident be
rprise. and Immediately arose, hat in by
nd, and. in his politest manner said:
leg pardon, Massa didn't know you n
IS genme'a I; thought you was the =