The Lancaster ledger. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1852-1905, 1869-11-04
$ptee.3Qx.

Approach doubtful pleasure as
you would step into u birch-bark
canoe,
Faith cares not n straw whether
Jonah swallowed the whale or the
whale swallowed Jonah.
How we do love to hear the
whole barn-yard cackle every time
our sclfishness lays an egg.
Opportunities are like railroad
pills-morc or less easy to take, but
very difficult to hold for any great
length of time.
"A negro in Bridgeport, Conn,
arrested for adultery, was asked what
he "was taken up for?" replied he
"bclieved it was idolatry."
"A mans best friend is q dollar or
two, says AN exchange. Two dollars
or two dollars and half is a better
fricnd-and so on up. The moro,
the more so.
One of the best sort of minds is
that which minds its own business.
Like many other extra good things,
including beef stakes, it is some
what rare.
-"Bob,' said = young fellow ut
fancy fair, "you are missing all the
sights on this side" "Ncvcr mind,
Bill" rctortcd Bob. II am sighting
all the misses on the other"
-"Employment SO certainly pro-
duccs chccrfulncss," says Bishop
Hall, "that have known man come
home in high spirits from funeral,
because he had the management of
it,"
Many of our church members
wonder why they do not enjoy re-
ligion better. The trouble is their
spiritual bell gets hung away up in
the stccplc and only swings on Sun
days.
You hattcr yourself that YOU
hold the rcigns of your own cstab-
lishmcnt. So YOU do. But if YOU
are married man, I'll wager two to
one that you'll hold them at the horse
end.
"A contemporary secs infinite trou-
bic i'll the future in settling Brigham
Y foungs' estate. The old fellow is |
very rich, but then, when he dies
each of his twenty-five widows will |
expect her third.
The ladies manage the hair qucs-
ton much better now than the men |
did in Absolcm's time. If one of the |
blessed angels of our day happens to |
tanglc her hair in the branches of a |
tree, the hair, and not the woman,
gets hung.
The fashionable wife of our day
is a good deal like mosketoc in your
room after bed time. You can never
tell exactly where it is bv its song,
and you are ever in an agony of sus-
pcnsc AS to where and when its bill
is going to be presented.
A Musician, whose nose had be-
come distinctly colorcd with the red
wine he was wont to imbibc, said
one day to his little son at the table
"You must eat bread, boy; bread
makes your checks red" The little
boy replied, Father, what lots of
bread You must have snutfrd up"
A pcrplcNcd housewife intro
duccd to her guests dish of oysters,
the result of her first efforts at cook
ing this luscious bivalvc, with this
explanation 81 found it very diff
ticult to dress them, so just held on
to thnir wings and cut their stomachs
off. | guess they'll be good"
The fly has its uses. lie serves
to keep bald-hcadcd sinners awake
at church on warm day, 30 that
their unrcgcncratc hearts may be
touched by the preached word. 1t
also encourages the spirit Of inven-
ton, inducing the inventive to tax
their brains III cOntriving fly traps.
A gentleman being asked by n
clergyman why he did not attend
the evening prayer meeting, said he
could not leave tie children. "What I,
have you no scrvants:' y YES" he
replied, "wc have two servants, who
keep the house and board us We are
allowed few privilegcs.'
Josh Billings says. "Mackrcl
inhabit the sea, generally; but those
which inhabit the grocery alwuz taste
to me rs though they had been fat
ted on salt. They want deal of