The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-03-19

Thy Savory, toothsome carcass WILL
know, upset my liver!
W'if ana Dn,ttuu.
= A smart thing-a mustard plas-
ter.
- The best drawing lesson-draw-
ing a salary.
- How to manage bachelors-mis-
manage them.
- Pointed Architecture-The Ca
thedral of Spires.
- High mason-A bricklayer ON a
five story building
Can a good cooper be said to be
a staver at his own business
Whipping like writing is always
heavy on the down strokes.
aAll a matter of form" the pre-
vailing extravaganza ofwomen.
Jewellers, like women, are proud
of their .scharms" and generally dis
play them to best advantage.
A young lady kept list of her
gentleman acquaintances in her pocket
diary aud called it her him book.
A critic calls the verses and sen-
timental stories che teeth-cutting and
measles of literary infancy.
A local poet indited sonnet
To his mistress entitled II kissed her
.s-lb rosa The compositor knew bet
Ter than that and set 1t up in printers
latin, "Iskissed her snub nosa.
Foote once asked a man with
Ii, k.kN arf
you continually hnmming that tune ~
s.Because 1t haunts me- was the reply.
mo wonder" said Foote, "you are
continually numbering it,.
= crazy man having got into
the gallery of the,U nited States Senate
during rambling debate, was taken
out, the Sergeant alarms telling. him
that he was out of place in that gallery,
..That's So said the lunatic II ought
to be on the floor with the Senators !"
= Old Captain Coon of steamboat
notoriety. was sitting enc night on the
capstan. keeping a sharp lookout ahead
when iulled by the driving machinery,
he went fast asleep, which was no soon-
err perceived than one ofthe hands gave
him turn around,' facing a boiler fire
and then stuck pin in him. On OPEN
ing his eyes he gave one big jump and
shouted .sBack her stop her here
is big steamboat right into u.s."
IN school not far from Spring
field. Massachusetts, the teacher pro
posed to each of the juvenile pupils to
write a composition OIL the employ
tnent of their parents, one little girl
whose father was physician drew her
picture from real life as follows
"There was a little girl.
And she was very SICK;
She sent for my father,
And died very quick
"A loauacious gentleman. finding
himself passenger in a coach with a
Yrim and taciturn maiden lady of some
forty winters tried in vain to engage
her in conversation. 1t length night
came on. AS nothing was said both
fell asleep. The stage finally stopped
and the driver announced to the lady
that she had arrived at her place OF
destination. Her fellow passenger be-
ing awakened at the same time, thought
he would exchange aword at leaving.
and addressed her: MADAM, as We
shall never again probably sleep to-
pether, bid you respectful farewell.
a scream, and silence reigned again.
At Goose Ray, Oregon, there
are only two marriagable girls, and
these being run after by all the young
men of the district, value themselves
accordingly. Half dozen Oregon
ian voutns set on the verandan In front
of their respective residences during
tbc whole of Sunday, while each lady
locks at her followers through the half
onened window. The lovers ali the
while whiting bits of white pine,
isan easy wood to work, and valued
for that purpose. At dark they move
none. but the damsels find these visits
profitable, for there is generally lett
behind pile OF shavings big enough to
LIGHT fires for the rest of the week.
In Arkansas. Elder Knapp
while baptizing converts at revival
meeting. advanced with wiry-shaped
eyed old fellow into the water. He
aSkt d the usual question whether there
was auy reason why the ordinance of
h1ntism should not. be administered.
a fter pause tall powerful LOOKING
.sbsn. with an eve like blaze, who
was leaning on long rife and quietly
Ioollinr on, remarked: "Elder, l
,Ior 4 .vant to interfere with this we're
buslncss any, but want to say that is
an old sinner you have got hoid OF,
and [ know one dip won't do nm any
good. lfyou want to get the SIN OUT
Of him YOU will have to anchor him out
in deep water over night
= A clerk in dry goods store re-
tired one night, having for a bedfellow
an acouain lance dating back to school
DAYS. Our informant slept IN the next
room adjoining, the door OF when was
,,artIv omen. In the middle of the
NIGHT he said he was awakened iron
sleep by hearing the clerk il q loud
yoice exclaim. .How many yards DID
yon saw YOU wanted marin? Three
wards enough ?" and the next tslnIg
heard a tearing noise, and the bedfel-
low of the clerk shouted out, NV hat
are YOU doing You have torn my
shirt from top to BOTTOM" The poor
dreamer imagined himself in his store
waiting on a lady customer, who want
ed three wards OF calico. The shouts
o. nerrlmeut which the event created
can we'll be imagined.
"A bridal party from Galveston
were passing the draw IN the railfoau
bridge, on the route to Houston, wheh
the fair bride leaned out of the window
TO eet farewell glance OF the Island
11ifv. Her atfectionate and newly
made husband, trembling with anxiety
for her safety, tendcrly enclrcled hef
slender waist with his coat sleeve anu
softly whispered ''Pray take care OF
yonrself: don't fall overheard DARING,
Scarcely were the words out OF his
m0uth. before the blushing beauty Ut
tered n faint but audible scream, ana
sinking back into the cushioned seat,