Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-01-15
wise and Otherwise.

When may q man be considered q
poor vehicle for expression? When
he is y little sulky.
A deceased millionaire in a West
ern city has inscribed on his tomb
stone, HE always paid cash.
An ice house laborer being killed
by a lump of ice falling on his head,
the verdict was, died of hard
drink"
Boston boy to small Sambo: "Wbat
makes your nose SO short ?" II
epects so it won't poke itself into
other peoples business!
A poetic young man, in describing
the movements of a lot Of goldfish,
says: "They flashed aud darted like
bright hopes through a lovers BRAIN"
The Cheyenne Leader says, the
young ladies of Grass Valley use the
neckties of their male friends for
carriers. but how does the Cheyenne
Leader know? a.-.... .
The Davenport Democrat says that
s'during the past week no mans wife
has been run away with in BurliDg-
TOM and that .'the husbands are
rather discouraged
"Brickr Pomeroy's Democrat ex-
ults over Johnson's Reputation mes
sage. 1t claims whatever merit lies
In being the first bold and open advo.
cate of national rascality.
George Alfred Townsend relates a
story of O man who once said to him
that 1.-THE most taking thing about
Jim Buchanan was his cussing. He
cussed right down to IL human level"
Puns will he proper hcnceforth.
The Niee-President elect has made
one. AT Boston, he told 'em he
wondered no longer why Boston was
called the hub of the universe. since
lac found SO many good felloes"
there. aa6s. e . r..r.
Booth, the tragedian, had n broken
nose A lady once remarked to him;
/ like Your acting, Mr.. Booth, but "a
be frank with you, 1 can't get oye
your nose! No wonder, madam, re-
piled the tragedian, the bridge is
gone! ...
Two brothers were walking i'm the
street, when one Of them stopped at
a hnnse, saying he must call and see
q sick niece. The other passed on,
saying. II am thankful I have no
niece" What relation was the last
speaker to the invalid?
There was once mn Independent old
lady whose, comments on the Bible
were very pointed. Speaking of
Adams naming the animals, she
didn't think lie deserved any credit
for naming the pig-any one would
know what to call him, lI >
josh Billings has written an essay
upon 'roosters.n i'm which he re-
of menny wives. In Utah it il con-
tidered a disgrace to speak disre.
speckful of a rooster. Brigham
foung's coat OF arms is a rooster"
Aver, the pill man, is I'm daily re-
ceipt of letters asking for medical aG-
vice. One of the latest is from u
suflererin Wisconsin, who auxiously
inquiries under which sign of the
zuiiac he ought to be BLEED for u cei-
taiR disease by which he is afflicted.
A conductor on tn. Eastern Rail.
road who lives ut Gloucester, Mass,
was recently awakened from a sound
sleep in church, and, with his secular
twang, called out--''Beverly /! change
cars for Gloucester, Manchester aid
Beverly Farms!" The effect upon
the congregation may be imagined.
A lady residing on Eighth street,
Washington, was sitting i'm a back
room on Thursday, when she heard
the front door. bell of her re.idence
ring. She FASTENED to the door, and
was surprised to find there "a large
COW, which started toward her, and
IA she stepped Ia one side the cow
deliberately walked in and passed
through the hall into the dining
fvom.
A small boy at Hartford, who had
dislocated his shoulder 10y u fall and
had been seated In a high chair to
awaitthe arrival of asurgeon, i'm his
restlessness fell head-long TO the floor,
and when his mOtser rushed to raise
him, supposing that his neck was
roken Mis- time, he jumped up shout
ing. "lt's all right! it's all right!"
And so il was. The second tumble
had cured the first and fore ed back
the upjointed bone in its place.
The following are the concluding
verses of u poem said to be George
Francis Trains first etfusion after his
return To this country:
Coming eyents-well, never mind,
She wears her BIgilF, now behind.
uer woman rights are well defined,
On her b nd,
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