The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-10-22
dItif ara Tnrlnr.

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- The Oldest llnatic on recold-
time ont OF mind,
- Sharp practc is more Of a virtue
among BARRIERS than lawyers.
- W0man'3 Il i lts.--If she cannot
be captain OF snip, ) he may always
command Il smack.
- Why are horses in cold Weather
like med'llesome gossips? Because
they are the bearers OF idle tails.
TO cure corns: Hold your feet
near the fire until the,cprns pop. This
Is said to- be Il sure cure.
Ancient, but excellent. Why
have chickens no hereafter? Because
they lave their next-twirld in this.
An lee house laborer being killed
Icy a lump OF ice falling Oh his head;
the verdict was, "Died OF hard drink"
- Yhc lady who was ''bured in
grief" is now alive and doing we'll. 1t
Was case OF premature intermenu.
- Henry Ward Beecher says it viii
never do 10 sspreach" cream anI prlC-
tice skinl-millt." Ae>,
Portraits of Secretary Fsh's
children are said to be sardines little
ltslleE uVne III Ola
1t has been discovered that Hen
ry Ward Beecher caught the shay fe-
ver,' by preaching frequently FROM
texts III Timothy.
- a negro undergoing his exami-
nation az witness, when asked if his
master was Christian, replied, mo,
sir. he is i merGber of Congress"
- Saw-Just pills would effeetuallN
cure many of :he diseases with which
mankind are afflicted, if every inGivid
ual would make his own s2w-dust.
---"Your horse has a tremendous
long Bit" SAID friend to Theodore
Hook. YES said he. "it's bit too
long"
- Mr.. Shocks says the reason that
he does not marry is that his house is
not large enough to contain The conse-
quences.
-. There may be some sweet sad
ness in chewing the bitter cud of adj
tersIty; but the most of them III this
section would rather have tobacco.
- A Berlin newspaper has one cd
itor whose sole duty it is to serve ont
the terms of imprisonment detreed a
gainst the paper for its libelous articles
-"Figures can't lie" says the a.
rithmetician. "You can't say that Of
womcn's figures in these days" re-
spends the slanderous dress maker.
A boy who heard the quotation
a little learning is dangerous thing
wished to stop going 10 school because
lie was afraid he's should not live long
enough to get past the dangerous
point.
- Little Dora, a bright-eyed six
year old, ran to her mother few days
ago and conftdentially whispered: Ma
MA. | have Just seen where a snake
pulled his shirt on.
- There is a good looking young
man in Cleveland who now says that
his mission is to marry the Wilder
Vanderbilt when the Commodore pas
SEES in his checks"
a Girl presenting herself at
house " here mo Irish need apply" in
answer to the question where she came
from said: "Sure, couldn't You per-
rave by ME ACCENT that it's Fl inch
am ~
a credulous man said TO wae,
who had IL wooden g, How came you |
to have u wooden leg?" "Why," an
swered the wag. ''my father had one so
had my grandfather 1t runs IN the
blood"
-"Do Won ever take anythng?"
saws Sharp 10 Snozzles. IN Never, sir,
except I'm unwell, aad then my weak
ness is cognac. just now I'm troubled
with hollOwness, and l don't care If
do.
- Young Lady ooh! | am so
glad you like birds which Kind do you
admire most:"
Old SQUAD. "Well [ think the goose
with plenty of stuftiing is about as
good as any,"
"A little radical boy on being ask
ct, TO what trade he wOuld wish to be
brought up replied: "Will be all over
seer OF the poor, because ever since pa
pa has been an oyerseer we'v had pud-
ding for dinner"
- party IN Kansas thus .encour-
ages the editors OF his favorite Journal:
Continue to pour red-hOt thnnderbolst
right into the teeth of the leeches and
sharks that are sucking the life blood 5
from the people," Filling blood suck
er's tooth with a red hot thunderbolt
must be neat job in dentistry. c
- Teacher: John, suppose | were q
to shoot at tree with five birds on it
and kill three, how many would be Q
left? John: Three sir. Teacher: No, =
two would be left you ignoramus.
John: Nc there wouldn't, though; the Z
three shot would be left, and the other
two would be flied away. a
- A man was once relating a story +
Of being on LOGON tive that struck a t
cow standing on the track, and threw s
her several yards into a field; where u
sic lit squarely upon her feet, with her
head towards the train, and strange to
say the COW wasn't hurt mite.
but didn't she look scared ?" inquir-
ed a listener.
well, don't know wether she was
scared or not, but she looked good
leal discouraged. s
a young lawyer was examining I
! bankrupt as to how he spent his
money. There were about two thou
,and dollars unaccounted for, when the
attorney put on severe scrutinIzing
ace, and exclaimed, with much self
"Nov sir, want you to
Z II this court and jury how you used
hose two thousand dollars - The
put on serious tace. winked
It the audience, and exclaimed: 1.-The l
awyers got that?" The judge and au- y
lieDcG were convulsed with laughter, b
md the counsellor WIG glad to letthe "
of. c