Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1869-03-09
THE C0CKR0ACH.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

BY JOSH BILLINGS.
The cocllrcach IL bug at large.
He IL one ov the Injuries CIV civiliza-
ton.
He is easy to domestikatc, yielding
gracefully to ordinary kindness, and never
deserving thoze who show him proper acts
Of courtesy.
We are led to boeave, upon clus ex-
animation ov the outward crust ov these
fashionable insekts, they are highly
successful intermarriagc between the bru-
nette pissmire and the "artikzus Zero, +" or
common American grasshoppcr.
lie don't leave the place he waz born
at upon the slightest provocation, Ike
the giddy and vagrant flea, or the fero-
c:ous bed-bugg, and until death Tor some
vile powder, the invenshun ov many knocks
at his front door, he and his brothers and
sisters may be seon with the naked eye,
ever and anon calmly climbing the white
sugar-bowl or running foct-racos between
the butterplates.
The cockroach is born on the fust ov
May and the fust ov November semi-an-
nually, and is ready for use in fifteen
days from date.
They are born from an egg, four from
each egg; and consequently they are all
ov them twins. There is no such thing
in the ANNALS as a single cockroach.
The maternal bug don't sett upon the
egg as the goose DOTH bat leaves them lie
around loose, like pint ov split mustard
seed, and don't seem tew care a darn
whether they get ripe or not.
But l never knew cockroach egg fail
tew put In an appearance. They are as
sure tew hatch out and run as Kanada
thistlcs, or a bad kold.
The coclroach IL of two coIors, sorrel
and black. They are always on the move
and kan trot, should say, on good track.
and good day clus to three minnitts.
Their food seems to consist much
in what they travel; and, often finding
them dead in my soup at the boarding
house, | have cum to the conclusion that
cockroach kant swim, but they kan
float.
Naturalists have also declared that the
cockroach has no double teeth. This is
an important fact, and ought to be in
troduced into all the primary school books
Of Amerika.
But the most interesting feature of
this remarkable bugg is the lovelyness of
their natures. They kant bite nor sting
nor scratch, nor even jaw back.
They are 50 amiable that I have even
known them to get struck in the butter
and lay there all day, and not hollerfor
help, and aktually die at last with a brok-
en- heart.
TO realize the meekness of these un-
complaining little fellers, let the philo-
sophick mind just for a moment compare
them to the pcsky flea, who lites upon
man in his strength and woman in her
weakness like hot shot, or the warbling
musketo, wild from Nuersoy cat-tail
marsh, with his dagger in his mouth, axe
ing for blood or--horror of horrors-to
the midnight bed bug, who creeps out Of
a crack as still and as lean as a shadow,
and bitches on to the bosom of buty like
a starved leech.
Eyry man has a right to pick his play
mates, but ez for me, l had rather visit
knce-deep among cocroaches than to hear
the dying embers of single muskceters
song in the room jineing, or to know that
there was just one bedbug left in the
world, and he was waiting for mi kandle
to 60 out and for me to pitch into bed
In conclusion, to show that l amt fool
ing, | would be willing, if had them, to
swarp 10 frst-class feas any time for a
small-sized cockroach, and if the feller
complained that had shaved him in the
trade, ] would return the cockroack and
then sware that we wuz even,