The Montana post., 1869-02-26
Fat Takes, BY the Fat contributor
JOHNSTON IN EUROPE.

John r. Johnston. the artist, who has
recently returned from a trip across the
water, was not remarkably impressed by
the antiq uiIies ot the old world. In fact
he is inclined to believe that there is a
good deal of humbug about them. We
will let him sum up Europe, Asia, Afri-
ca. etc, in his own words
Went to AlexandriA-crossed a por~
tion of the great desert on camel s
back-easier for a rich man to go thro'
the eye of needle than for camel 10
paint portraits-desert no great shakes
got a better dessert at an American
hotel dinner. Went to Damascus
bought a Damascus blade-humbug-
blade made in Akron, Ohio. Went TO
Jerusalem-hired a guide for his board
"a regular gIide-board-never was so
much bored in my lite Jerusalem full
of secondhand clothing stores-bOught
a fragment of Solomon's s Temple-enough
fragments of Solomon's Temple sold
every year 10 build Cincinnati. Visited
the Nile-hnmbug-no water privileges
worth a dam-don't wonder no one
knows the sources of the Nile-greatest
wonder that anybody cares where they
are-Licking river beats the Nile. Saw
the mummies-msde in London, every
one of them, by Massachusetts, Yankee
and sent to Egypt.
Looked at the pyramids. Recollected
that Napoleon said to his soldiers
From the tops of yonder pyramids forty
centuries are looking down upon you.
No such thing; went up there and in
quired; forty centuries hadn't been there
at all. Saw the sphynx-capital like
ness of Ben Butler. Went 10 Italy
bought monkey and hand organ, and
learned to speak Italian in two hours;
monkey died and hand~organ exploded
-havn't been able to speak Italian
since.
saw Garibaldi at Naples He wept
bitterly upon my shoulders borrowed a
half dollar and said he wanted TO come
TO America and be a second old George
Washington.
"He is coming to Cincinnati next
summer 10 open lager beer saloon, as
a headquarters for distinguished organ
grinders. / bought q place in Vienna,
and am TO pay for it Confederate scrip
Crossed over the Bridge of Sighs-no
size at all-saw where the Doge of Ne-
nice married the Adriatic There was a
Mormon there awhile ago. He not only
married the Adriatic, but all the streams
in the neighborhood, Saw where Cons
ova's heart was buried When Como
va died his body was cut up and buried
all over Europe.
All the big cities wantei a piece OF
him. They do il different now. If an
artist gets great reputaJion-likem my
self, for instance-they cut him up in
the newspapers Saw the ruins OF
e6ce-idepreciated oil stock, mostly J
Saw the old masters-villainous daubs.
One of those old masters couldn't get a
situation at house painting If he were
alive to-day. Went to Rome: dined by
Buchanan Reed and Randolph Rogers.
Inquired for julius Cesar, but he wasn't
in that day-gone 10 turkey shoot on
the Isle of Crete-dont go much on the
lie. Saw HerculAneum-all a humbug
the ashes that buried it didn't come
from Vesuvius-drawn on in carts. all
speculation to sell relics. Saw the
Hellespont-wadeda across it. Leander
drowned himself a purpose, jnst TO
make a Hero of himself, Went and
looked at the Rhine-muddy little dixie
castles ali look like stone smoke
houses-went across it--rather go across
the canal" Saw eruption of Mount
Vesuvius-country fireworks on the
Fourth of July beat it any time. Tell
you Europe is a humbug. Nothing
in it"