Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-07-23
HulnOr.

SOuLtCI dllIdC'lOuS---L lCtly lazy CiSAAo..
Motto for cheap boarding houses No
piece repeated. .s FL t-..as -ssa 4o'
When was beef-steak the highest? When
the COW jumped over the moon. asnd7
a wife's kiss for money is well termed le-
gal tenderness.
Johnson's cry was my policy Grants is
my relations. ------
The dandy who makes the greatest -four;
ish isn't always in fourshing condition.
Why is fashionable society like warm
iag-pan? Because it islighly polished, but
very hollow.
Pays is the name of a newspaper IN
Paris. Don't pay is the name of great
many in this country. 5tGGfi< 9lov1
A little boy, disputipg with his sister, ex
claimed: g It's true, for ma says SO, and if |
ma says so, it is so, if it amt SO. rz
Theirs is fellow in California 50 extrava-
giant that lie kindles the fire with bank notes
and skates on ice-cream. 1gI Ea
A man turned his son out Of doors lately,
because he wouldn't pay him house rent-a
striking proof of pay rental affection. /
A bachelor used the following modification
of hackneycd phrase in congratulating
newly married friend: II wish you much
jaw" a7a kt'.l4 81 4
Mr. Dobbs says he has one of the most
obedient boys in the world. He tells him
to do as he pleases and he does it without
murmuring.
A man on Yongs Street, Toronto, says
that he never had friend. The only man
that ever had an attachment for him was the
Sheriff. - sn55 N.laaI
SADDLEwIsE -"Shall I cut this loin of
mutton saddlewise p said a gentleman
mo-" said one Of his guests, ''cut it bri-
dlewise, for then | may chance to get BIT
in my mouth"
A FINE FELbow-An editor, in praising
favorite candidate at the late general cleo
ton, said ''He is as fine a fellow as ever
lifted hat to lady or boot to a black
guard
A western editor named Steele reports
having received an offer from printer nam
ed Doolittle to 60 into partnership. He res
pcctfully declined on account of the bad
sound the firm named must have-"Doolit-
tie Il Steale," or vtce versa. One of us
would soon be in the poor-house and the
other in the penitentiary.'' .L
A good-natured fellow, who was nearly
eaten out of house and home by the constant
visits of his friends, was one day complain
ing bitterly of his numerous visitors.
"Share. and I'll tell ye how to get rid Of
'em," said an Irishman.
''Pray, how?"
LEND money to the poor ones, and bor-
row money of the rich ones, and nather sort
will liver trouble you again" H. 0J
Here's little specimen of keen repartee
which came off in Springfield school the
other day: 81.
Young Gent-'Im going to give the
teacher piece Of my mind p
Young Lady-"I wouldn't if were in
YOUR place, he has got all he wants, and you
haven't any TO spare" A- s.
Young Gent subsidies into ordinary pro-
portions.
While trudging along one day alone, a
soldier met a Methodist cireuit-rider, whom
he at once recognized as such, but affected
ignorance of it, "What command do you
belong o?' inquired the preacher. "a
Texas regiment in Van Dorn's army. And
yourself?' Il belong" solemnly replied the
preacher, ''to the army of the Lord" ''Then
my friend" said the soldier, you've got
very long way from headquarters"
A tavern keeper in town of Wisconsin
employed German blacksmith to do GER
tain job Of work, for which he paid the cash
at once Afterward a neighbor got similar
job done on credit for q less price, Upon
being asked the reason, the blacksmith re-
Piled ''You zee. I've 20 much charge on
my book, and sometimes lose 'em; and 20
ven have good cash customer sharge
coed prices, but ven put it on my books I
do not like to shargc 20 much, 20 if never
gets 'em no lose 20 much"
The LAST Chicken GoNE--When the
Conference assembled in Hillsboro,' some
years since, on the last day of the session, a
lad, whose father had entertained some half
dozen preachers, entered the room where
the ministers were seated in terrible state
of excitement.
whats the matter Isaac?" asked one,
''you seem excited. y
Excited I amt excited: Pm mad all
over"
"What are you mad about, Isaac? Don't
you know it Is wrong to suffer yourself to
become angered 2"
'Wrong or not wrong, it's enough to
make anybody mad but preacher. Here's
every chicken on the place eat up except the
old rooster; and just now he happened to
get glimpse of you fellows and sung out,
And must this feeble body-y dice, and
dropped over stone dead.
Everybody is in the habit oy Dragging Oh
Job; and Job did have considerable pa
shunce, that's fact; but did he ever keep
district skule for 5 dollars month and
board around Or run q kountree noospaper.
Did he ever reap lodged cats down hill on
a hot day, and hav all his gallus buttons
burst oph' at once? t sr-.t,=,..
Did he ever have the jumping toothache
and be made tent the babe while his wife was
over to Parkinses to q tea squall? 4r
Did he ever get up in the mornin' awful
dry. and tut it three miles before breakfast
to get drink, and find that the man kept a
temperance house?
Did he ever undertake to milk a kicking
heifcr with bushy tail, in fly time, out in a
lot? f
Did he ever sot unto litter ov kittens in