Delaware tribune. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1867-1877, 1869-03-25
Letter from A. Ward, Jr.
WAsHrN'roN, March 10, 80.

"Hows things ?"
"Theys o. K, sez he, offerin me chez
an segar at the same time. took th
proffered cheer an respectfully declined th
weed. Ef the comm man will use Tobac
ker, I'm not the individoosl
Grant smokes occashunl,.
Sum pussons, when they's offered a sea
in the Cabinet, tiak they's elevated 10,
high to Aotis thare less fortoonate trends
They doc indeed.
But here was the undersind act0oally
offered seat in the White Hous' by the
President hisself an don't feel emmy PROV
der than hcretobefore. Do / put on ary air.
in consequents ! Nary air.
| LEST soshiate with Editors an members
ov Congriss, as ushooal. Its troo.
"You had a site difllkulty in crectln' .
Cabinets y remarkt to Ulysses.
"Nuthin Serious to speak ov, sez he. fad
more difficulty in dccidin which men to leave
out ov the Cabinet. than lido in KNOWN which
men TO put in. hev SO many more to leave
out than to put in, you know. I'm aware
thare is sum men left out wot shood be put
in, an sum put in what shoodent he left out,
An now wot is feller goin to do about
it?"
| tole him thort so myself. "All right
minded people thinks so, sez ''ef they
don't entertain different opinions
A Cabinet, sez U. s., find queer kind
os a Net to Billd, All Nets was made to
hold fish, believe, so hev but Fish into
mine.'
''All rite, sez l, ian l understand the
fust letter ov his front name is Hamitin. It
may be Fishy apintment, but liares nuthn
Scaley about It, Hardly"
"But don't make it like Bookanaa's Cab.
met. 1t was net full ov fish, too, as il
ware but wot kind ov Fish was they /?
Why they was all rav'nus Sharks, an
"Sum SmelC'-interrupte the Pres. -
"smelt the funds in the Treas'ry, an went
fer EN-"
"Which finally caws'd you 10 20 fer them.
l playfully added, seein' the Cheef Magis-
trate was in faseshus mood.
My intervoo with Grant was chopi Short
by delegashun of Chcrrykce, Choctore,
Chckensore, an other Sore fnjians callin
upon him. l thort p'raps they warnted a
Forrin Mission, but that was t,.gether for.
rim TO thare mission. They cum to congrat-
ulate Ulysses on his Innorguril They are
goin to hev 1t TRANSLATED into Dutch and 9TH
er Choctore dialecks, for the benefit oy the
Ingen youths. Is thare eny civilizid or on
civilizid Mr.. Los ov the Red Men oy the
Forist who warnts A. Johnson's address
translated into Choctore langwidge for the
benefit ov the comm Ingen? Not much.
Thare's no benefit in his addresses.
never knew peopil which own'd sech
copiousness ov name as the Ingen atoresed.
None. One ov there delegates wot calld
on Grant had sech a long name that he was
compelled TO leave harf ov il outside the
door! Its scandalous fact! was intro
jused to this Chocktorian subsequently,, at
4 p. NJ, but as l din'd at 5 cooden't wait
till all his name was pronounst. Nary.
Thare may be blessin in disguise in being
the possessor ov a name like Mr.. Knockem-
intuthemiddelovnexyearansoforth,b but its dis
guised too muchly for the undersigned to see.
1t air indeed.
Here let me remark that U. s. Grant Is
not the man Mr.. Punch ov England takes
her fer. Nary onst. / red Mr.. P's con-
versation with Ulysses, which he prints in
his noosepaper. In them converse Grant
sez playful cuss," "ole cuss,' an sevril
other promiscuss cusses. In all my confabs
with the President, never herd him allood
to solitary cuss. don't think he's ac-
quainted with the cuss famerly Mr.. Punch
makes refrents to.
When Artemus Ward died in Englan'-a
solum event, which never think ov with
out feelin as ef brick was tied onto my
Hart-I say, when Mr.. w. died In Englan'.
it appears MS tho his mantle didn't fall onto
The Shoders oy emmy of Old Eng humei-
GUS writists. Not to emmy alarmin extent.
1t didn't fall within 40 miles ov one ov
thare comick writers. l allood to one
whose fust name is Arthur Skratchley, Mrs
Brown, an sOf0rth.
Mr.. Arthur Skratchly, you remember, was
in this country sum 10 months or SO ago,
givir' readins from his own works. He
wasn't success, by no means. His aui-
ences was very slim. He left arfter 2
weeks, an went home nm composed u grave
book onto America. Americans Larf more
over those book than they do over his comic
productions. But let him parss.
The other day as was goin down Penn
sylvany Aveno0, notist immense cnn-
corse of hooman beins gaiher'd aroun'
pressin toards the door very
vigrusly. A man who was dresst in Speck-
Iakils & Cane, tappt me onto the sholdvr.
an pintin' to the throng, sez he:
car those Crcuss?"
"a what cuss ?" seq l.
Z" A show" seq he "wherc -"
"Yes-yes, l know" sez / ; "a circuss
is show WHARF you pay so cents to 60 in
an hear ole Clown in speckled tights relate
all the g0aks an wittycisms which yoa read
in the noosepapers 10 years ago. But those
is not circuss."
kills an cane, "for a circuss draws a larger
crowd ov peepil than enything l know ov."
| met youth ov cleving years, with
shockin bad hat an shock 'ncr segar, an
arskt him the cause ov the crowd. {
boy" sez l, "what's up?" II
"Grant's down." sez he, squirtn yollum
Dv smoke toards his left l.
An that's wot was the matter. Grant was
down in barber shop getin measured for a
3naVe, Wnctner tue crowd 0y outsiders was |
waitin fer their turn, or fer an offs, carnt I
say, altho man told me thare was at least :,
,evril pussons in Washington lookin fer {
offises.
! larn from democratic noosepaper that .
The democrats hev swept rugstown, in !
Maine, an the party rejoiceth muchly there
1t. An so they shood rejoice muchly. Pugs
.own is a dirty place ov 800 democratic w.
ers, an it needed sweepin', no dowt. was
At the Five Pints In New York, one day
asst summer. Five P'ints goes in u solid
,hunk fer Democracy. An now ef the Dem
ocrats wood sweep that filthy place, wood
rejoice meseli, an I'm not democrat, you
notis, ,---Appropo ov Five P'ints, when l .
was there English author, apparintly. arskt
ne ho~ the localerty deriv'd' it's name. Not {
wishin to pear ignorant-fer the chap thort
was New Yorkist-I tole him it was be-
saws each person thare imbib'd Five Pints ,
ov whisky reglarly every per harf day. The
Funner chalkt it into bis nate Book. fer fu-
lure use.
BY the by, l see the democracy has swept
Atlanty, Ga, alsoly. Thew swept the life