The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1869-03-25
WHOLE NO. il4e.
Anew Smiles.

a Few SMILES.
Why is a good farmer like pugilist7
Because he is good fencer.
ooh for d thousand tongues, as an
urchln remarked when inside molas-
ses barrel.
When ought d man to be best ac-
quaiDted with his own actions When
he's beside himself.
The man who courts young lady in
the starlight probably expects to geta
wife in twinkling. 4~
! A country youth says a lady with d
Grecian bend looks like a crooked neck
squash struck by lightning
when may young ladies' be said 10
be econonical9 When they resort to
tight laciDg to prevent waist. falness.
The object some women have in view
in blowing up their husbands is to have
them come dOwn-with the stamps.
Why is a fashionable Young lady's
brains like speckled trOuti Because
they are geneHally found under a water
fall.
Some say that the quickest way to
destroy weeds is to marry widow.
Its, no doubt, most agreeable species
of husbandry. sI
INha+ =. A. l:ao.u,.o L4s...s.. :.
good soldier and a fashionable ladYf
One faces the powder, and the other
powders the face.
A gentleman, speaking of a young
beauty's fashionable yellowish hair,
called it pure gold. at ought to be,b
quoth c., "it looks like twenty -four
carrots"
''Why don't you get along faster,
Susan?'' said Mrs B. to her servant
girl, who was sewing up a sheet. "Be4
cause, Miss, have to sew il 'Over and
OUer, you see." a-issa 2a:-yQ
A Milesian hearing sundry reports
rather against bis character for veracity
exclaimed, in an honest burst ofindie-
nation, "Thank forten, half the lies
that are told about me amt true"
"Why do you set the cup Of coffee
on the chair, Mr.. Jones p said w0F-
thy landlady one morning at breakfast.
at is so weak, ma'am, l thought-I
l would let it rest" +" replied Jones.
"Does the razor take hold welIrtin-
quired a barber who was shaving a man
from the country. "Yes," replied the
customer with tears in his eyes, "it
takes hold frst-rate, but it don't letgo
worth cent" -l r.a u 20
"Tom," said one little urchin to an
other, "does your schoolmaster ever
give you areward of merit p II spose
be does," was the rejoiner, she gives
me thrashin reg'larly every day, and
says merit two" .o.ti.q
A man who was exceedingly corpu-
lent, coming late one evening to for
titled town, asked a countryman whom
he met if he could get in at the gate7
81 should think you might" replied the
peasant, surveying his proportions; 81
saw load of hay go in this morning"
"General Grant, said distinguish
ed lady to the General the other day,
rather eoufdentially, 81 am just yiRg
to know who the Cabinet are TO be-"
''Are you, though e. said the General.
"I am indeed" said the lady, 'jast
dying of curiosity Then the Gen
eral, in low voice, replied, aWell,
madam, that is just what Mrs. Grant
says" s
"Doctor," said an old lady the Other
day to her family physician, ''can you
tell me how it is that some folks ars
born dumb r. "Why, hem certainly,
madam" replied the doctor; ''it is be-
cause they come into the world without
the power Of speech" sLa, me- re-
marked the oldlady, "now jest see what
it is to have a physic eddication. I've
axed my old man more nor hundred
times that ar same thing, and all that ]
could ever get out of him was, 'Bekass
they is" 10Y Fg
A college professor was being rowed
across a stream in boat Said he 70
the boatman, "dO you understand PHI
losophy 81 mo; never heard of it."
''Then one quarter of your life sgons.
Do you understand geology / "N0! "
Then one half of your life is gone Do
You understand astronomy? "NOt""
"Then three quarters Of your life is
gone" But presently the boat tipped
over and spilled both in the river. Says
the boatmans Can you swimT .eEeS"
"Then the whole OF your life is gOne{'
The Alpine HOrH'
The Alpine horn is an instrument
made ofthe bark of q cherry tree, aud
like a speaking trumpet is used to con-
yey sounds to a great distance. / have