The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1869-07-17
FACETIE

-Velocipedestriani>ticaIis,inar
is the latest addition to the language,
"One bumper at parting" as the drunk
ard said when he ran against The post.
ESQ.," at the end Of mans name,
is like curl in pigs tail-more for Or
namcnt ,han use.
IL say. boy. are you poet ~ "Not
exactly, sir but sometimes do the Rule
of Three Inverse"
Jack, your wife is not so pen>ive as
she used to be- No: she's left off AID
turn ed tarnation expensive"
Douglas Jrrrold, on being asked
what was meant hy dogma'i~m answered,
''Puppvism come to maturity"
Why are children whose parents are
dead like worn ont shoes Because they
are left orphans, (eft-off 'uns
Here, boys. l have four apples to
divide between three of US, so there are
two to- you. and two for me too
1--WE jnst looked in to see if you are
doing we'll" as the cook said to the lob
ster, when she lifted up the saucepan lid.
well. Robert, how much did your
pig weigh" 7" 1T didn't weigh as much
as | expected, and | always thought it
wouldn't"
My first is what lies at h. door nv
second is kind Of corn my third is what
"ob"iy can do without. and my whole is
,ne of the United States. Ma, ri ri-monv.
"A member Of temperan ce society
ex cused his frequent drinks br saving that
the doctor told him to take liquor AS a
medicine and he never told him to stop.
A gentleman rode up to a public
house in the country and asked. "Who is
the master of this house T. Il am sir"
replied the landlord; my wife has been
dead about three weeks"
A friend having visited Curran one
morning. and perceived that he coughed
with d tficu'ty. told him so; on which
Curran said. 1T is strange that should,
for have been practiciug all night.
You had better ask for manner. than
money" said finely dressed gentleman
to beggsr, who asked for aims. IL ask
I'd for what thought you had the mos,
Of" was the reply Of the little mendi cant
II say, Baz, where do dat comet rise
ut ?" 1T rises in the 46th meridian ob
d- frigii zoIiac. as laid down in de come,
almanac" "We!i where do it set, Baz :"
"Set, YOU black ninny-it don't set no.
where; when it gets tired Of shining 1t
goes into its hole"
The following dialogue took place be
tween farmer aud an Irish reaper, tn.
after considerably under the common sta
ture :-Irishman DO you want anybody
for the harvest Farmer: Yes Irishman !:
Will you take me! Farmer: No, ye'rr
too little. Irishman: Arrah. now. and do
you cut your corn at the top?
Two conntrv attorneys, overtaking
\ wagoner on The road aud thinking to
break joke upon him, asked him why
his fore horse WAS 50 fat and tn. rest SO
lean. The WAGNER, knowing them to BE-
limbs Of the law. answered that his fore
horse WAS lawyer and the rest his clients.
In back township Of Upper Cana
da, magistrate, who kept a tavern. sold
|iqro. to people till they got drunk and
fought in his house. He then issued
warrant, spprehcnded them. and tried
them on thr spot: and besides fining them
made them treat each other to make up
the quarrel.
Francis l., being dssi,ous to raise one
Of the most learned men OF the age to the
highest dignites Of the church, a>ked him
IT he was Of noble decent. Your males
ty," answered the abbr, ''there were three
b th-r> of No his ark. aud canuot t.I
positively from which ain descended
"A court buff,on havirg offended his
sovereign. the monarch sentenced him to
death. The culprit. in great terror, fl,
upon his knees, and cried for mercy. II
will extend no other mercy to vou." said
the prince, excerpt permitting you to
choose what kind Of death Won will die.
Decide immediately, tor l will b. obsved
Il adore your cle;nency." said tb. crafty
j al r; Il choose to die Of OLD ACE
"a tssDss f@ a.ts. s
"A man. who had unfo tunatelv mar.
NED sco!dng wife. happened one day to
meet the parson of The parisl, in which he
resided. complained much, Of the bargain
he had mad-, and asked advice how IL.
relieve his situation. The clergyman talk
ed I" him seriously on the business, and
told him the necessity Of accommodating
trmp-rs on both sides. as a man and his
wife were one One. doctor !" exclaimed
the other; zone! II yon were to hear Us, !
in the height Of our alterations, you
would certsin'v swear ve were ,~~r'v /"