The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1869-12-24
II THE 9Th WARD w Noe
YORK, Dec. 10, 1869.

r II THE 9Th WARD w Noe
YORK, Dec. 10, 1869.
The dove wich Noah sent out com
back to the Ark beeoz the water
2 kivered the land; when the dov
i, found a dry spo; it come back n,
: more. / am a dove. wuz sent on
from the Corners, but the prevalence
: Nv water druy me back, time ant
: agen. Now, thank Heaven, l he
, found a spot Eher ther is 20 water
Cat least I've never seen any useC
here for any purpOse), and here
stay Ny foot hez found a restir
place. f
am the sole proprietor Nv the
Harp Nv Erin" Saloon. The Origi-
ual proprietor Nv the Harp Nv Erin
died the evenin Nv the the last eleck-
shan, much regretted By his pOlitikle
associates. He he'd only voted thir-
teen times, when in an argument techin
the merits Nv his candidate, ez COM
pared with his opponent for the nom
inashen, he wuz hit with a brickbat,
and died with his days work half
done. The maB who struck him wuz
expelled from the society to wich he
belonged for KILN au able bodied
Democrat before the closin Nv the
polls.
How | got possesshen w the s'lOon
l shell not state Suffice it 10 say, it
became mine, and the stock likewise,
and that [ shel never hev occashen to
leave it. Here l shell live, and here
l shel die. Nv course I've decorated
it to SCOT the tastes Nv my patrons.
L took down the portrate
Nv jackson, and cut off Nv the
bottom the words, "The YoonyuU, it
must and shell be preserved !" and
substitootid, "He serves his party
best who votes the most" wieh L
read to those who drop in ez the last
words Nv the Hero nv Moo Orleens.
| hev an Irish flag turned round an
Irish Harp over the bar, and por-
trates Nv the Head Centres Nv the
Fenian Brotherhood, properly wreath
ed, all about the room. On the end
nv the bar, in the spot where in other
neyborhoods the pitcher stands,
[ hev box with hole in the top w
it, inscribed, "Contribushens for the
benefit Nv our suffrin brethren in
English Basteels may be dropped in
here" That box more than pays my
rent Phen l hev quite 4 cabinet Nv
sakred relics. l hev piece Nv the
rope wich hung John Brown The
identicle club wich killed the first
nigger in the riots nv Jooly 1868; a
built fred at the Triboon offs at that
time, with other sooveneers dear to
the Democratic heart, wich attract
many. These hang onto the walls,
and underneath them, hev the
prices Nv drinks inscribed, with the
stern, cold words, "No Trust"
inoggeratid my establishment last
Wednesday mite. Rememberin the
terrible endin Nv all my other innog-
erashen ms. declined at fust to make
any formal openin, but my friends in :
sisted that it wuz the custom uy the
ward and that I must do it.
Nobody will buy yoor likker,"
sed one, "ef 700 don't make a regler
openiu." ;"
"Ef make regler openin, sed l
81 won't hev a drop to sell EN-. Stay
Il hev it. III go before a Justis
Nv the Peece and take a solemn oath
not to drink anything myself that
mite"
"Twon't do" sed my trend, fOaths
don't count in this ward.''
Various plans we're rejectid One
gentleman proposed that l shood be
tied down so that coodn't git at the
lickker, and that he shood do the
honors. His nose WIZ agin him aud
| declined his proposishen. Finally
| hit upon a plan. l calkilated that
twenty gallons wood anser, :.and 1 put
that amount in a barrel. The bal
ance Nv the stock I'loeked il a room,
and then put the key away in a
drawer. -s.
''There, sed | triumphantly, "afore
that twenty gallons is eggsausted l
shol be too far gone to know where
the key to the room holdin the bal
ance Nv the stock is. Saved! savedI'
1t RESULTED ez l anticipated. At
first we he'd speeches and toasts, Mr..
O'Rafferty replide to the toast, "Our
adoptid country. He sed the term
"Our adoptid country wuz happy
one, fur so fur ez Moo Yerk wuz con-
serued the sons Nv Erin he'd adoptid
it. He he'd bin charged with lack
Nv love fur this country. He repelled
the charge with skorn. Why shoodn't
he love this country? In wat other
country wuz votes worth dollar
apeece? Where else Good sieh a man
ez he hev so high a posishen ez Al
dermau, and only two yeers on the
grounds.
Mr.. 0'Toole jined in the sentiment.
Where else under the canopy Good q
man like hisself who eoodn't read be
skool direcktor? He he'd often
bin thankful that he he'd turned his
face toward Ameriky the mint his
time wuz out in the prison at Liver
pool. Their wuz less risk in holdin
offs in Moo York, than in burglary in
England, and the results wuz shoorer
Their wuzn't much more speech
maxim. The drinkin went on fast and
furious tho, and ez 1 antissipatid, be-
fore the twenty gallons wuz eggsaust-
id l wuz very drunk, and incapable
uv any effort mental or physikle, and
the others were in very much the
same predicament. Four or five NV
EN- did try to rouse me to git more,
but it wuz Nv no use; they mite ez
well heV whispered Grey's elegy in
the ear Nv a dead mule. The most
Nv EN- slept, ez did, on the floor till
mornin.
1 shell be happy here, 1 hev the
steddy patronage w two Aldermen,
three skoOl direektors and four con-
tractors, and when the Mayor gifts the
appintin Nv the poleece there will BE
twelve policemen whose trade | kin
count on. There in my back room is
where the preliminary caucuses fur
the ward is held, and L shell be paid
fur wat the managers drink til git
an offs myself At last my lines is
cast in pleasant places.
PETROLEUM Y. Massey,
(Wich wuz P. NJ
IT,