The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1869-10-21
MARK TWAIN.
A DAY AT NIAGARA FALLS.
THE LAMED HACKMAN.

IHE -LAMED HACK Man.
Niagara Falls is one of the finest
structures in the known world. ]
have been visiting. this favorite water
ing-piace recently, for the first time,
and was well pleased. A gentleman
who was with me said it was custom
ary to be. disappointed in the Falls,
but that subsequent visits were sure
to set them all right. He said it was
so with him. He said that the first
time he went the hack fares were so
much higher than the Falls that the
Falls appeared insignificant. But
that was all regulated now. The
hackmen have been tanned, and num-
bcred, and placarded, and blackguard-
ed, and brought into subsection to the
law, dosed with Moral Principle, till
they are as meek as missionaries.
They are divided into two classes
now-the Regulars and the Privateers
and they employ their idle time in
warning the people against each 9th
er. The Regulars are under the hotel
banners, and do the legitimate at two
dollars an hour; and the privateers
prowl darkly on neutral GROUND and
pick off straglers at half price. But
there are.no more outrages and extor-
tions. That sort of thing cured
itself. Itmade the Falls unpopular
by getting into the newspapers, and
whenevera public evil achieves that
sort of a success foritself, its days arc
numbered. 1t became apparent that
either the Falls had to be discontinued
or the hackmen had to subside. They
could not dam the Falls, and so they
damned the hackmen. One can be
comfortable and happy there now.
SIGNS AND SYMBOLS.
drank up most of the American
Fall before l learned that the waters
were not considered medicinal. Why
are people left in ignorance in thai
way? l might have gone on and ru.
ined a fine property merely for the
want of a little tHfing information
And yet the sources of information a
Niagara are not meagre. You are
sometimes in doubt there about wha
you must do. No-the signs keel
you posted. If an infant can read
that infant is mcasurably safe at Nj
agara Falls. In the room at the hote
you will find your course marked ou
for you in the most convenient wa.
by means OF placards on the walls lik,
these:
"Pull the bell-rope gently, but dom
jerk" t-
"Bolt your door,"
"Don't scrape matches on the wall.
Turn off your gas when you re
tire" aaa
f" Tie your dog" fr,-., ---.-s p.
"If fyou place your boots 'outsid
the door they will be blacked-but tn
house will not be responsible fo
their return" This is a confusin
and tanglesome proposition, becaus
it moves you to deliberate long an
painfully as to whether it will reall
be any object TO you have your boot
blacked unless they are returned.o
"Give your key to the omnibu
driver if you forget and carry it o
with you,' ..--. a.
Outside the hotel, wherever yo
wander you are intelligently assiste
by the signs. You can not come t
grief as long as you are in your rigf
mind. But the difficulty il to stay
your right mind with so much instrut
f ton to keeREtrack of. For instance
"Keep off the grass"
"DQn't climb the trees"
GLANDS off the vegetables"
0 "Do not hitch your horse to I'll
t shrubbery."
"Visit the Cave of the Winds"
"Have your portrait taken in yor
: carriage" q t
Forty per cent. in gold levied G
all peanuts or other Indian Curios
: ties purchased i'll Canada"
photographs of the Falls taks
here
e "Visitors will please notify the 81
# perintended of any neglect on the pa
9. of employees to charge for comrnod
ties or servises." (No inattention
the kind observed,)
"Don't throw stones doWp-tht
If may hit people below"
e '.The proprietors will not be respo
IF sible for parties who jump over Il
he Falls" (More shirking of respon:
biity--it appears to be the prevailil
= thing here.)
always had high regard for t
.v signers of the Declaration of Ind
l. pendence, but now they do not sec
p; to amount to much alongside the sig
to crs of Niagara Falls. To tell t
plain truth, the multitude OF signs q
noycd me. 1t was because / motto
at last that they always happened
n, prohibit exactly the very thing / W
i" just wanting to do. l desired to T.
on the grass; the sign prohibited
:, I wished TO climb tree; the 81
lil l.