The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-10-23
VARIOUS ITEMS.


Paducah, but neither got his dcs(s)ert-
eve must part-the dye is cast"
said fond wife, as she threw bottle of
hair restorative at her husbands devoted
head.
;. The leader of camp-meeting in Ohio
announced, ssThe brother-in-law of Presi-
dent Grant will now lead US in prayer"
The rate of insurance on Mr.. Miners
church has been increased in consequence
of the pastors free use of hell-fre Bos-
| ton Post.
s'That's good gun of yours, stranger;
but Uncle Dave here has one that beats
it." "Ah how far will it kill hawk
with No. 6 shot p 81 don't use shot or
ball either" answered Uncle Dave for
himself. s'Then what do you use, Uncle
Dave ~ II shoot salt altogether. I kill
my game SO far with my gun that with
out salt the game would spile before I
could get it,
Editor-A poor wretch who empties
his brain to fill his stomach
Men when looking at the faults of
women should shut their eyes.
No man will be able to build q house
by carrying bricks in his hat
To live nobly, we must be noble; and
we become noble b. resolutely banishing
every unworthy thought and feeling.
If you kdow anything that will make
brothers heart glad, run quick and tell
it, but if it is something that will cause
sigh, bottle it ur.
He that waits for an opportunity to
do much at once may breathe out his life
in idle wishes, and regret, in the last
hour, his useless intentions and barren
zeal.
"The attempt" says an exchange, "to
start an asylum for useless yound men
failed, as no building could be construct
ed large enough"
..W hat is the difference between edito-
rial and matrimonial experience In
the former the devil cries fos scopy.'s
In the latter the "copy" cries Ike the
devil.
4 child in Hartford fell out of a third
story window, and was picked up unhurt
from the pavement. The next morning
it fell to the floor and broke its neck.
On one occasion, when Theodore Hook
was dining, messenger came to him
from the John Ball, which he edited,
but for which he had written nothing
for some weeks, and told him he must
write something on the death of the
King and Queen of the Sandwich Islands,
whereupon he sent back
" waiter, two Sandwiches cried Death
And their wild Majesties resigned their
breath"
A prominent physician of Portage
county, Ohio, relates case within his
knowledge where boy, some fifteen
years old, has used tobacco since the age
of FIVE months. When FIVE months old,
being nervous and fretful child, plug
of tobacco was placed in his mouth, and
produced a soothing effect. The remedy
was often used during infancy, and thro'
the tcething period, and before the child
could talk plainly it was confirmed to-
baceo chewer.
Memphis thieves hate being searched
by colored turkeys.
It is said that a few sliced onions
buried in an ant hill will cause the ants
to leave it.
It is stated that twelve million eggs
are used every year, in England and
America, for the albumenization of paper.
1t is estimated that more copies of
Lord Byron's works have been sold in
this country within the last fifty days
than in seven years previously.
Enthusiastic tourist in Scotland to
native coachman: "And is that indeed
the house where Rob Roy was born =
Native coachman @Eb, sir, an it's
just ane O. them"
Take two quarts Of best sperm oil, to
one and one-half pints of refined coal OIL
Shake before using. 1t is excellent for
sowing machines, as it never clogs; 1T
will be as good six months afterward as
when first made.
At the late meeting of the Presbytery,
brother w. said that early in his ministry
he and another brother were conducting
a meeting in which there was much re-
ligious interest. An old man gave ex-
preston to his joy by shouting, and con-
tinued it until it began to interrupt the
services. Brother II. said to brother w;
"Go stop that old mans noise. lie
went to him and spoke few words, and
the shouting man at once became quiet
Brother H. asked brother w: "What
did you say to the old man that quieted
him SO promptly ?" 81 asked him for .
dollar for foreign missions" wasthe re-
,,ly IF brother w