The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1869-12-16
MY wIFE,s BRIDAL TOUR.
By NOSE SKINNER.

When l married my second wife she
was dreadful set up about going off on
bridal tour | told her she had better
wait six months or year, and I'd try to
go with her, but she said she'd rather 90
alone-when a woman was travelling
man was an out and-out humbug.
So [ gave her seventy-five cents and
told her to go off and have good time.
l never begrudge money when my wife's
happiness is concerned. My first wife
never could complain of 70! going any,
where's, for I'm dreadful fierce to 60 off
on a good time myself, and always was
| don't pretend to say how many times 1
took her out to see the engine squirt-and
thereSwas no end to the free lectures let
her go to. The neighbors used to say
''It does beat all how The SINNERS do go!"
When Signor Blitz was in Slunkville
with his wonderful canaries he gave my
wife complimentary ticket. not only
sold that ticket for my wife, but | gave
her half the money. / don't boast of it,
though | only mention it to show how
much l thought of my wife's happiness
don't think any man ought to get
married until he can consider his wifes
happiness only second to his own. John
Wise, neighbor of mine, did thusly, and
when l got married / concluded Id do
like Wise
But the plan didn't work in the case of
my second wife. No, l should say not.
! broached the subject Kindly.
Matilda" l said, 81 suppose you are
aware that am your lord and master"
mot much you ain't,'' said she.
'sMrs, skinner l replied, "you are
fearfully demoralized. You need reor-
ganizing at once. You are cranky
And brandished my new sixty two cent
cotton umbrella wildly around her.
She took the umbrella away from me
and locked me up in the clothes press.
l am quick to draw an inference, and
the inference here drew was, that as a
reorganizer of female women l am not a
success.
After this changed my tactics let
her have her own way, and the plan work
ed to charm from the very first. It's
the best way of managing wife that l
know of.
So when my wife said she was bound
to go off On bridal tour anyhow, L cor
daily assented.
$50, Matilda said l, sand stay as
long as you want to /; then if you feel as
though you would like to stay little
while longer, stay, my dear, stay"
She told me to stop talking and 60 up
stairs and get her red flannel night cap
and that bag of penny-royal for her Aunt
Abigail.
My wife is a very smart woman. She
was a Baxter, and the Baxters are very
smart family indeed. Her mother, who
is going on eighty, can fry more slaRjacks
now than half those pimped-up city girls
who rattle on the piano, or else walk the
streets with their furbelows and fixings,
pretending to be mad if young fellow
looks at 'em pretty hard, but getting mad
in earnest if you don't take any notice of
them at all.
Ah girls amt what they used to be
when l was young, and the fellows are
worse still. When l went courting, for
instance, l never thought of staying till
after ten o'clock, and only went twice a
week. Now they 60 seven nights in a
week, and cry because there amt eight
Then they write touching notes to each
other during the day. Dear George, do
you love me as much now as you did at
quarter past twelve last night? Say
you do, dearest, and it will give me cour-
age to 60 down to dinner and tackle them
cold beans left over from yesterday"
Well, well, suppose they enjoy them
selves, and it amt for us old folks, whose
hearts have got little calloused by long
wear, to interfere. Let them get together
and court, if they like it-and | think
they do. 1 was forty-seven when / court
ed my present wife, but it seemed just as
nice to sit on little cricket at her feet,
and let her smooth my hair, as it did thirty
years ago.
As l said before, my wife is very
smart woman, but she couldn't be any,
thing else and be Baxter. She used to
give lectures on Woman's Rights, and in
one place where she lectured a big college
conferred the title of Ii. d, upon her.
But she wouldn't take it. ''No, gentle-
men," said she, ''give it to the poor -
She was always just SO charitable. She
gave my boys permission to 60 barefooted
all winter, and insisted on il so much in
her kind way that they couldn't refuse.
She fairly dotted on my children; and
I've seen her many time go to their
trowsers pockets and take out their pen
MES, after they'd got to sleep, and put
them in her bureau drawer, for fear they
might lose them.
l started to tell you about my wife's
bridal tour, but the fact is l never could
find out much about it myself l believe
she had good time. She came back
improved in health, and 1 found out, be-
! fore sha'd heen in the house tNenty-fnnr