The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-03-26
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- A fishy c;rcle-a seal ring.
- Smart infl:ction-a cute pain.
- Foot Lights-The Corps de Bal
let.
- The child of the sea-The harbor
buoy.
- Embrlce as many opportunities,
as you please but only one woman.
- A precious nosegay-A probos-
CHS blooming with carbuncles.
- ~ see through it," as the old
woman said when the bottom OF her
tub fell out.
- Why are great many bills in
Congress like Holsters? Because when
read they lie on the table.
- A Richmond boy advertises for a
situation, saying that ''work is not so
great an object as good wages"
- Why would lawyers make good
soldiers' Because they know how to
charge.
- The oldest lnhabitant admits
that it is sweet to have friends that you
can trust, but more convenient to have
friends that can "trust' you.
- An Irishman recently solilquiz
ed "What a waste o. money buyin
mate when you know it is half bone.
while you can spend it in rum which
hasn't bone in it.H
- A teacher was explaining to
little girl the mean ng of the word Gu
ticle. "What rs that all over my face
and hands 2" said he. "It'sfreckles,
sir
- A bachelor being asked why he
diln't marry, answeref, that the wo-
men were claiming the right to go to
the polls and they would soon claim
the right to go counting, and that he
was only waiting for good offer.
-. A boy, whose general appear
ance betokened the want of fathers
care, being asked what his father fol-
lowed for a living, innocently replied
''He is an office-seeker by trade, but
he don't work at il any more, since he
was caught stealing"
for?"
'!Because he is full of fleas."
"Fleas the devil Why, that dog
sleeps with me-"
"Yes, dan you, that's whar he got
them"
- A little girl was very fond of
preaching to her dolls. Her mother
heard her reproving one day for being
so wicked. "Oh Won naughty sinful
child" said she shaking the waxen
limbs "you will just go to that lake
of birthstone and fire, and you won't
burn up, you'll just siszle."
- A gentleman in Wales who was
boasting of the antiquity of his family.
which he traced back to the time of
Noah, was told that it was mere mush-
room compared with another family
whose pedigree filled five large skirs of
parchment, near the middle of which
was note on the margin, About
this time the world was created"
- good deacon that was natural
ly = high tempered man, had been used
to beating his oxen over the head as his
neighbors did. Ii was observed that
when he became a Christian his cattle
were remarkably docile. A friend in
quired into the secret, "Why," said the
deacon, "formerly my oxen were u liz
tie contrary, flew into passion and
beat them numerically. This made
the matter worse. Now when do not
behave well, go behind the load, sat
down and begin to sing tOld Hundred
i don't know how it is, but the psalm
tune has powerful effect on my oxen
sure"
Robert Simpson, the Scotch
mathematician, was noted for his alb
sent-mindedness He used to sit at
his open window on the -ground flor,
deep into geo netry, and when acoosted
by a beggar would arouse himself, hear
few words of the story, make his do
nation and dive. Some wags one day
stopped mendicant on his way to the
window and SAID NOW do as we>tell
you, ard you will! get something from
that gentleman as we'll AS shilling
from ourselves besides. He will ask
you who you are, aud you must tell
him your name is Robert Simpson son
of John Simpson of KirktOnhlll.' The
man did as e was tell. Simpson gave
him COLI and dropped off. He soon
reused himself and said, "Robert Simp-
son, son of John Simpson of Kirkton-
hill why, that is myself that man
must be an imposter !"
- Every thing that is in the paper
is true, so we give following
a farmer once had very cross ram,
in tact 30 very cross that one dared vcn-
ture near him. In the summer time
the farmers orchard was well filled
with frut and the neighboring boys
knowing this took advantage and help
ed themse Ives. TO put stop to this
depreciation, the farmer placed the ram
in the orchard, and the apples were
left alone. But imagine his surprise
In undertaking to gather the apples
Mr.. Ram would not allow him to climb
the fence An idea struck HIM to this
affect. Calling his hired man, he or
dered him to place long pole over the
fence with rope and mallet attached
On going ont next day, they found Mr..
Ram had butted himself away with the
exception of small piece of tail which
kept the mallet in motion.