The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1869-08-11
sENTINIFNT AND FUN.

HOW 70 turn p6Opl6 AedAS w
late to church.
An extraordinary locality-The To-
cality where the Dead Sea.
Drunkenness is an egg from which
all vices may be Matched.
What is truth?-What think.
What is falsehood?-What you
think.
Why was Noah never hungry in the
ark2 Because he always had Ham
with him.
SAL, what time do your folks dine?
Soon as you goes; that's missus 5
orders"
When is a young mans arm like
he Gospel? When it maketh glad
the waist places.
When you hear man say Life is
but a dream" tread on his corns and
wake him up. Life is real.
There is a young lady in this city
SO very particular about her company
that she won't wear low shoes.
An exchange has an adve rtisement
for servant who is " plain cook,
able to dress a lille bog five years DID,"
A dandy inquired at fruit stand,
Are these apples fit for hog to eat?'
TRY one and see" said the woman.
Prayer is not eloquence, but earn
estness; not of helplessness, but the
feeling of it, not figures Of speech, but
conjunction Of soul.
l.
General Sherman the coming man, !"
a Georgia journal says it hopes that
he is not coming that way again.
A white boy met a colored lad the
other day and asked him what he had
such short nose for. Il spect so it
won't poke itself into other peoples
business"
Tom asked an old ten per cent"
what he wanted to accumulate so
much money for. Says he, You can't
take 1t with you when you die and if
you could it would melt"
A person speaking of a drink he
once had occasion to indulge in, says
he could not tell whether it was bran
dy or tOrchlight procession that was
going down his throat.
prisoner, you have heard the com
plant for habitual drunkenness: what
have you to say in your defense p
Nothing, please your HOaor. but
hapitual thirst
A young man who was crossed 10
love attempted suicide recently by
taking a dose of yeast powder. He
Immediately rose above his troubles
like a we'll bred gentleman.
A photographer recently remarked
Of A. Us last speech, Yes, yes, that
is a good report; [ have listened to
aud taken down the same stuff a
hundred times, and ] live TO say it. T"
What is TRUTH? The question
was proposed at a deaf and dumb asy-
lum, when one of the boys drew a
straight line. And what is false
hood?' The answer was a crooked
line.
A lady was urged by her friends to
marry a widower, and as an argumnt
they spoke of his two beautiful child
rem. Children replied the lady,
ARE like toothpicks-a person wants
her own"
A young lady who was rebuked by
her mother for kissing her intended,
justified the act by quoting the pass
age: wv hatsoever We would that men
should do unto you, DO you even so
10 them"
A little girl, worn out by long
sermon, observing the preacher gath
eriug himself for the Introduction OF
another point" exclaimed, "Oh
mother, he is not going to quit at all
he is swelling up again" 81
Mark Twain, at the Parker House,
Boston, rang for copy of tho laws
of Massachusetts,, ITO see if there
was anything to prevent him drinking
ice-water."
Why should the Pennsylvania oil
counties be surrounded by water?
Because they arc ile-lands. 80
Some fellow, who ought to be in
better business, calls the attention Of
Miss Anthony to the fact that the
laws of this state impose tax of Fifty
cents on q male canine, and three
dollars on a female canine, and ask:
her, Why is this thus my sister?'
A clergyman once travelling in q
stage-coach was asked by one of the
passengers if he thought that the pi
Gus heather would go to heaven.
''SiT," answered the clergyman, 81
am not appointed judge of the world
and consequently can not tell, but il
you ever 60 to heaven, you shall eithe
find them there or a good reason wb.
they are net"
Every young couple who desire t.
make a good start in life must keel
two bears in the house and feed then
well-bear and forbear.
Actions are said to speak louder
than words, but it is certain the!
don make as much noise Quiet PEG
pie, therefore, prefer them.
Equality MEANS" says French
writer" a desire to be equal to YOU
superiors and superior TO YOU
equals
A wise man thinks that the differ
ence between perseverance and OBJ
stinacy is the difference between
a0iH and | 1oon't.
A girl who plumed herself on be.
ing employed in a "genteel family,
was asked a definition Of the term
Where they have two or three
kinds Of wine and the gentlemen
swear" was the reply.
A little boy who heard the quotatio
A little learning is dangerous thing
wished to stop going to school becaqs
he was afraid he should not live loul
enough to get pastth dangerous point
Success in life is very apt to max
US forget the time when we WASH