The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1869-07-13

"A bridal reign-the honeymoon.
-Super-human bsings-the demons of a
pantomime.-Jtldy.
Somebody recommends lager beer as
tonic; but most people find it Teu-tonic.
Chicago has a store with "Umbrellas to
rent;'' but rents in umbrellas render them
worthless.
Bright prospects for the Quakers-the In
dams are ''scourging' the Plains.
-"Sir, you have broken your promise" said
one gentleman to another. sob, never mindl
can make another just as good"
The New York coach drivers threaten to
consider the question of striking" in July.
They propose to strike when the weather is
hot.
won't that boa-constfictor bite me?'
said little urchin to a Snowman. "Ohl no,
boy, he never bites, he swallers his wittles
whole.
An honest Dutchman, on being asked how
often he shaved, replied, "Dree dimes week
every tay but Soontay; den shafe every tay.''
-"What branch of education do you have
chiefly in your school7' "a willow branch,
sir; the master has used up almost whole
tree"
The Prince of Wales has been made
member of the French Agricultural Society,"
probably because of his efficiency in sowing
wild oats.
"A novelty has appeared in the album way,
namely, space to introduce registered certifi-
Gates of births, marriages and deaths in con-
tiguity to the likeness.
The lady who argued the case in the
House Of Lords talked fourteen days and was
then taken with hysteria The dead and
wounded among her hearers are not given.
The Connecticut Legislature fears it will
be corrupted by lobby that pays only $500
vote. Nonsensel-no sane man would sell his
vote for $500 when he could get more.
AN agent OF the State Of Minnesota has
Just returned from Minnesota, having made
engagements for the emigration of 5000
Swedes to that State, this year.
"A verdict of $4,000 has been obtained in
Cincinnati against telegraph company for
its rejection OF a message desired to be sent for
trading purposes in competition with the COM
pany ITSELF 49,.
Philadelphia fremen have . time of it. At
q fire recently, a party of roughs took posses
sion Of the West Philadelphia hose carriage
and "chucked her into the river"
New Delaware peaches have made their
appearance on the street corner fruit stands
and retail at two and three cents for diminu.
tive hard specimens, hardlyAperceptible to the
naked eye.
What a comfort it must be to Robert E.
Lee to see carpet-bagger Governor of the
"Old Dominion" The rebel chiefs perjury
in behalf of State rights will secure human
rights on his own plantation.
Now that the season for sun strokes is
here, it behooves all, and especially those
whose business calls them much out of doors,
to be careful and regular in all their habits
The daily drinking of beer and other liquids,
is Just the thing to mark an individual as a
victim Of an epidemic or other undesirable ef-
fects which follow the intense heat OF q sum-
mer's sun.
AN aged Philadelphia lady, whose falling
sight rendered necessary prayer book OF
great size, recently called ON her friends on
her wav to church, and upon starsing again
uuwittingly picked up small music box in
stead of the prayer book. During the sacred
ceremony the old lady attempted to open her
prayer book, when, to her surprise and the as
constituent of the congregation, the roguish
machine struck up 'Lannigan's BALI with
Il.