The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1869-05-14
The Wrong Man.

fANkEE peuulcfS, from Time 1mme
mortal have been famous for' doing 9th
ers" and being "done, "notwithstandin
their shrewdness, and though, in tn
long run, they may come out s'righ
side up" yet once in while the fore
OF circumstances SO corners them tina
they are obliged to cry peccavi! 4
"ln the course of human eventsr-t,
find new style antipodean with th,
Hood, or contemporary with the time o.
George Washington-there happened te
be peddler of the Old BayState, by The
name of Ike Jewell, who one day pick.
ed up his traps and started off South
along the line of the Mississippi, In or
der to dispense patents for various In.
ventions-from a tooth-pick to fan
ming -mill-and at last brought up at the
little village of Helena, in the State OF
Arkansas. Now, it happened that on
the very day that Mr.. Jewell arrived
in town, fellow had been arrested fol
negro stealing, and placed in the old
log Jail, preparatory to receiving the
penalty of fifty lashes for the offense.
The Jail being insecure, there being nc
patrol la horse-guards, to protect i,
the prisoner, having tinge of Jack
Sheppard's blood in his veins, managed
to escape, and of course flew by the
night, after the manner of the witches
in Macbeth. The consequence was that
when the sheriff went the next morn.
ing, in all the dignity of official pride,
to administer the punishment, he was
both surprised and indignant to find his
man non est inventus! .sts-
"Ah! this won't do" said the digni-
tary, biting his lip, and looking pom.
iards at the under-sheriff- carrot.
ty-headed deputy, with pumkin
colored beard of a weeks growth-"We
must set spies about for him, and have
him re-apprehended." ...
Scouts were Immediately dispatched
on all sides, all of whom had seen the
man on trial, and knew his face, and as
the sheriff's Indignation was hugely
''riz," their orders were uncompromis-
ingly stringent.
Now it happened, from some strange
and unfortunate circumstance, that the
newly arrived Yankee peddler was the
very image--the regular "Corsican
Brother"-the "Siamese Twin" of the
fugitive culprit, and as he was butter
ing pancake at breakfast next morn
ing, a large, powerful man, with an Of
fetal grin, tapped him gently on the
shoulder.
swell, what's the row now?" inquir-
ed the Yankee. ........
"Want you, mister,' was the brief
reply. ........- s....
"Yees-want me deu you: l spose
you've hearn of my having come to
town with my everlastin' and all snort
en- inventions. You're wide awake, j
see, for coming afore any one else"
Course your Inventions" said the of.
fetal. "The sheriff wants to see you inn
mediately. You thought to escape, did
yu?" ....-. ...-.
"Sherif- Escape! Look here, you
critter, what on airtE do you mean?"
"Mean, for you to come along with
out another word" And so saying he
dragged the peddler out of the room.
On the way he learned the circum-
stances of the arrest, and although he
protested. and swore he was not the
man, the likeness was too strong for be.
lief. The sheriff advised him for the
good of his country and the honor OF
his friends, if he had any, not to tell
such "dreadful lies," but quietly SUBJ
NIT to the punishment.
The consequence was, Inc was tied 10
the whipping post, and the sheriff pre-
pared to render, in the severest taanner
the infliction.
''Now, before i begin old fellow"
said the sheriff, "what have you got to
say ?"
"Oh, nothin' in particular" said the
peddler, laughing with meaning curve
of the lip-''Only eff you can afford to
pay for luxuries, mister, 60 ahead v'
The sheriff not comprehending the
DRIFT of this business-like observation,
applied the scOurge, and at every cut the
Yankee laughed with immoderateg glee.
Lash succeeded lash, and still he
laughed, ''and still the wonder grew"
When the fiftieth lash had been laid
ON, as parting salute the sheriff threw
down the whip in flood of wonder
ment and addressing the Yankee, said:
"pm regularly dumbfounded! What
in the DEVILS name makes you laugh
SOP"
Laugh Why, who could help t:"
fairly roared the Yankee. "I'm laugh
lug to think how you've got sucked in
on this 'ere operation-I amt the man.
He said this so meaningly, that the
sheriff began to think there must be
somewhere. The Yankee still
went on saying:
at strikes me that business i'm my
line is going TO be rather dull in this
town, and If there's any law to be had,
I'll speculate on this licking, and see eff
can't turn it to some account. Pm al
ways open for trade, mister, ifyou want
to compromise-for remember, you've
licked the wrong man ?"
The sheriff, after consulting with his
lawyer, settled with the Yankee, pay
ing him three hundred dollars, and the
fellow went on his way hoping to meet
with similar luck elsewhere.
THE LAST CHICKEN GoNE.--When
the Conference assembled in Hillsbor-