Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-03-05
Wise and Otherwise.

When you have COW that holds
up her milk, just secure her head and
stick rin in her back just forward
of her hips. One application is
enough.
Not having heard from the debat-
ing societies in relation to the conum-
drum, "Why do hens always lay eggs
IN the day time?" a contemporary
answers, Because at night they are
'roosteFai "
"Mother, send me for the doctor"
"Why, my SOM" 'Cause that man
in the parlor is going to die; he said
he would if sister Jane wouldn't
marry him, and Jane said she
wouldn't"
At the house of lady who had
company, the euphony of different
anguages-particularly the German
was discussed. A little ten year
old boy put limits oar" thusly: ana,
/ can talk Dutch.n "You talk
Dutch, George? Let ME hear you"
The household hopeful gave q test of
his lingualquality as follows: "Who's
pin here since rs pin gomez"
A negro had a severe attackrof fheu-
matism which finally settled in his
foot. He bathed it, he rubbed it, and
swathed it: but all to no purpose.
Finally, tearing away the bandage,
he stuck it out, and, with shake of
his fist over it, exclaimed: cache
away, den, ole Teller, ache away; l
shan't do muffin more for yer; dis
chile can stan it as hong as you ken;
SO ache away!'
In the Recorders Court in New
Orleans the other day, merry faced
and bright-eyed Milesian was ar
raigned for disorderly conduct.
The judge inquired very angrily,
''if he was not ashamed TO be there?"
"Pon my soul, i am, yer honor"
"You arg in very disreputable COM
pany.n
~ know it, yer HONOR
''It IL shameful"
'PFeo true" was the penitent re-
joiner.
''If i permit you to GO this time,
will you ever be caught in such cUJm-
pany again."
mot unless yer honor sends for
me-" was the reply.
A Student of a State college had
barrel of ale deposited in his room
contrary of course, to the rule and |
usage. He received summons to
appear before the President, who
said: "Sir, am informed that you
have q barrel of ale in your ROOM"
ayes, SIR"
"Well, what explanation can you
make?"
"Why, the fact is, sir, my physi-
clan advised me to try q little each
lay as tonic, and not wishing to
stop at the various places where the
beverage is retailed, I decided on
having barrel taken to my room."
"Indeed! And have you derived
my benefit from the use of it?"
"Ah, yes, sir. When the barrel
was first taken to my room, 1 could
scarcely lift it; now L can carry it
with the greatest ease"
The Rev. Mr.. - having served
he usual time rs pastor of the Meth
'dist Episcopal Church in James
own, New York, was transferred to
thriving church in Cleveland,
Ohio, but he did not forget those
whom he had left; on the contrary,
le delighted to descant upon the
piety, intelligence, and
iberality of jamestown. Jealousy
1t last began to be felt by the Cleve-
and saints. The new pastor, they
thought, was hardly doing justice to
,he advantages and attractions of his
present charge; go, to straighten up
what seemed to be little crooked, q
worthy and somewhat aged sister
.ook the new preacher in hand. At
4 social meeting the sister arose to
relate her experience. She expressed |
her deepsense of unworthiness, and
Der frequent fears that she might,
after all, fail to reach the better land;
shut, my dear brother" she added,
II do hope and pray that if through |