The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1869-04-22
Witicisnls.

n Na WlVACIcno'
Why is a blind man like a water
pipe /? Because he is generally led
dead. Az
When is a man like tea-kettle Just
on the boila When he is going to sing
When is carving knife Alike a pigs
tail? When it aourishes over q ham,
When the swine Goes round freely"
the head generally initiates the exam
pie.
A Western paper notices very nicely
Shakspeare's comedy, "She stoops TO
Conquer.
A hungry man is unmanageable' 10
he docile, he must like horse, have
a bit in his mouth. ,.5a faa h.
An irate mother on being asked why
she whipped her children so much, re-
piled "to make them smalt."
Husband, can't express my detes-
tation Of your conduct" "Well, my
dear I'm very glad You can't"
The most bashful girl we ever
knew was one who blushed when ask
ed if she had not been counting sleep.
Domestic love may be very sweet but
when l look at my brothers family 1t
strikes me that it is also very dear.
"Hard times, and we must make the
most of what we have" as the grocer
said when he watered his vinegar.
"what's jograry Blll3" "It's a tell
in of form lands that we knows moth
in about, by cute chaps that never seen
en-"
The complexion of a Girl Of the
Period differs from a railway season
ticket-the one is, and the other is not
transferable.
The latest natural curiosity is a dog
which has a whistle growing at the end
of his tail. He calls himself when
wanted.
A dashing and fashionable widow
says she thinks Of suing some gentle
man for breach Of promise, so that
the world may know that she is in the
market.
A lady wanted to say she had a fan
but had forgotten what it was called,
so she described it as "thing to brush
all the warm off you with"
The concluding words of a Mormon
obituary notice at Utah are very pa
thctic: Gle leaves thirteen widows
and fifty-four children to mourn bis
loss"
Nothing remarkable. "What have
you to remark, sir, about my oratoryY
"Nothing sir; it is not remarkable"
quietly replied the merciless wit.
I love to see little children eating
unaccustomel delicacies, and my heart
reioices as think of the Nemesis of
the family doctor awaiting them.
A horse dealer was asked if an animal
which he offered for sale, was timid.
"Not at all" said he, b" he often passes
many nights by himself in the stable"
We hear much Of the balance OF
power, the balance Of happiness, and
balance of comfort but to ny thinking
the most effective balance of all is to
be found at your BANKERS.
An old offender wa lately introduced
to new county justice. as j I'm SIN
nous, alias Jones, ali1s Smith. "IN
try the two women first salt The thick
headed Justice "Bring in Alice Jones"
A fair one wrote to her lover, begging
him to send her some money. She ad
ded by way Of postscript, Pm so
shamed of the request l have made in
this letter, that 1 sent after the post
man to get it back, but the servant
could not overtake him.
A barrister, not over young orhand-
some, examining young lady witness
in court determined to perplex her
He said: "AIiss upon my word You
are very prettyr' The young lady
promptly replied: ~ would return the
compliment sir, i'll were not on oath
A Philadelphia surgeon, who was
on his way to perform an operation on
q patient, had his carriage robbed, and
lost his surgical instruments, while
a temporary stop; "whereby
adus the reporter title operation was
prevented and the patients life was
saved"
Very pretty. One day just as the
English officer had arrived at Vienna
The Empress, knowing that he had
seen certain princess much celebrated
former beauty, asked him if it were
really true that she was the most bean.
tlful woman he ever SAW 81 THOUGHT
80 yesterday" he replied.
"Suppose you were to see the sun
rising in the middle ofthe night. what
would you call that ?" said a teacher
% a pillow boy pupil, whom he was OK.
on miracles. "The mune plase
'ir." "But suppose you knew it was