The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1869-07-01
Josh Billings Natural History.

IL emmy quantity ov thorobred folks who
would konsider it kontaminashnn, uz
black az paten leather, to say louise, or
even think l0use, but a louise is a fackt,
and aui fackts are never more at home,
nor more unwilling to move than when
they git into the head. The louise is one
OV The gems ov antiquity. They are worn
IN the hair, and are more ornamental than
useful.
Not having emmy encyclopedia from
which tew sponge mi informas hun. and
then pass it Oph for my own creashun,
shall be forced while talking about the
louise, stew Hgh; IL out on the line' ov OBJ
serVashun, and when my knowledge and
experience gives out, shall tap my
imaginashun, ov which / have a crude
supply.
Book edukashun IL phatting thing, it
makes a man stick out with other folks
opinyuns, and is a good thing to make the
vulgar role up the white of their eyes, and
wonder how emmy man could know SO
mutch wisdum.
Schooling, when was colt, didn't lie
around 50 loose as it duz now, and learn
ing was picked up oftener by running
yure head against stun wall than by en-
ny other kind ov mineraloey.
l have studied botany all day, in fat
meadow, pulling cowslips for greens, and
then classified them by picking them over
and Citing them really for the pot
All the astronomy ever got larnt in
sPearlng suckers by moonlite, and my ge-
ology eliminated at the further end of
woodcbuck's hole, especially if got the
wood chuck
Az for moral philosophy and rhetorick,
if il is the science Of hooking green apples
and water melons thirty years ago, and
being awful sorry for ii now, am up
head in that class
But all this is remote from the house
The louse is a familiar animal, very
sedentary in his habits, not apt to git lost.
They kan be cuItiyatud without the aid
of a guide book, and with half chance
will multiply and thicAin as much as pim-
pies on goose.
There IL no ground so fruitful for the
full developement Of this little domesti-
Gated collateral as a distrik school house,
and while the yung idea is breaking its
shell, and playing hide and 90 seek on
the inside of the dear urchin's skull, the
louise Is play ing tag on the outside, ard
quite often gets On tie school mann.
hav alwuz had yenerashun for the
louise, not because consider them ez emmy
evidence ofE genius, or even neainess, but
because they remind me oy my boyhood
innocence, the days away back in the al
phahet ov memory, when i was set on
the fiat side ov slab bench, and speIt
out of Webster with one hand, and stirred
the top of my head with the other.
PhilosoPhikally haDdled, the louise are
gregarious, and were complete suckeess
at one time in Egypt. Bible historians
don't hesitate tew say that they were aul
the rage at that time, the whole crust ov
the earth simniered and billed with them,
like pot ov steaming fiaxseed, they were
Il drug in the market.
but this was more louse than was nee
essaFy, OF pleasant, and was punish
meDt for sum Sin, aud amt slO&e ov az a
matter tew Drag on.
The louse are all well enough In their
place, and for the sake ux variety.
perhaps few of them are just az good az
more would be.
They were DESIGNED fur sum wize pur-
pose, and for that very reason are Ie~
spektable.
When Gin the lapse Of tinel it comes to
be revealed TO US, shat single louise,
chewing away on the Summit of Daniel
Webster's head, when he was little
schoolboy, was the telegraphick tOeh tew
the wire that bust the fust idea IN his
brain, we shall see wisdom ID the louise.
and sbant stick up our nUse until we turn
back snmmersntt, at these venerable
soldiers in the grand army of progression.
After we have reached years of discre-
ton, and we have got our eduk ashen and
our ksracaters have dome developing, and
we begin TO hold office and are elected
justice of the peace for instance, and don t
seem to noed emmy more IouSe To stir us
up, it iZ time enuh then tew be sassy 10
them.
Az for me, tbare is only one piece (thus
fa:) of vital creation that i aktnally hate,
and that is bedbug. l simply di>pize
snaiks, fear musketoze, avoid feas, dun't
associate with the cockroach, go round
toads, back out square for a hornet.
Nevertheless, moreover, TO Wit, / must
say, even at this day of refinement, and
bell letters, ] do actually luv To stand on
, tip toe and see romping, red checked,
blue-eyed boy, chased up stairs, and then
down stairs, and then out in the garden,
D and finally caught and throwed, and held
8 firmly between his mothers kneeze, and
3 see an old, warped, fine tooth horn comb
90 and come, half buried through flood
of lawless hair, and drag each trip to the
light a fat lively louse-and, in conclu-
sion, to hear him pop as mother pins hin
with her thumb nail fast tew the centre ot
the comb, fills me chuck mp to the brim
with something, don't know what the
feeling is; perhaps somebody out of g