The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1869-10-01
Aun,prouS Gpliin,il.

other' rat, on seeing his mistake, re-
marked with look Of disappointment,
Faith, am tho't it was you, am you
thought it was me, an its naythur of
u.s." The Dutchman replied: "Yaw,
dat is dhru; am nuder man, and you
is not yourself, we pc poth some other
bodies"
"DocToR, what do you think is the
matter with my little boy?"
"Why, it's only corrustified exegesis
antispasmodically emanating from the
germ of the animal refrigerator produc-
ing prolific source OF irritability in the
pericranial epidermis of the mental pro-
foundity."
"Ah that's what I told Betsy, but
she lowed ii was wurrums.u
A FARMERS son had for long time
been ostensibly studying Latin in a
popular academy. The farmer not be.
ing satisfied with the course of the
young hopeful recalled him from school,
and placing him by the side of a cart
one day thus addressed him:
"Now Joseph, here is fork, and
there is heap Of manure and cart,
what do you call them in Latin ?'
"Forkibus, cartibus ct manurbus,"
said Joseph.
"Well now," said the old man, "if
you do not take that forkibus pretty
quickibus, and pitch that manuribus in
to that cartibus, will break your backi-
bus"
Joseph went to workibus forthwith
bus.
JOSH Billings CONCERNING COURT
ING.-Tharc is wimmin who arc ~ easy
TO court rs lint.
"Luv Mt fust sight" is like eating
honey. 1t duz seem NJ tho you never
get enuff of it.
This Kind Ov luv Is apt TO make blum
ders, and IL az hard tew back out NV az
a well.
But there amt no such thing az pure
mathumaticks in courting. fit il all
nature, 1t IL too innocent for earth and
if it is all science, it IL much like n job.
Perhaps the best way to court is to
begin without much ov emmy plan
WHARF yu are going to fetch up, and see
how yu and she likes it, then let the
thing kind ov worry along kareless,
like throwing stones into millpond.
You will find one thing tew be strict
ly true, the more advice you undertake
tew follow, the less amount of good
courting you will do.
A STRANGLED JoKE.-A young man
seated at dinner, the other day, said to
his wife:
"Ellen, if sou are good at guessing,
here Is conundrum for you: If the
devil should lose his tail, where would
he go to get another one?
After some time spent in guessing, she
gave it up.
"Well," said he, "where they retail
bad spirits"
Eager to get it of, she fastened to IA
lady friend, with:
"Oh, Marian, have such a nice co.
nundrum Joe just told me it. l know
you can't guess it. If the devil should
lose his tail. where would he go to get
another one ?'
Her friend Marian having given it
up, she said:
"Where they sell liquor by the glass!'
Marian couldn't see the point of the
joke.
THE MAN WHO WAS HANGED.-The
ingenuity of the young man will be re-
membered who, being asked how his
father died 1.-THE man was hanged, J an
swered that "while addressing an i'm
mense audience from the top of high
scaffold,a portion Of the scaffolding gave
way, and the poor man, in falling, broke
his neck" This is matched by SINH
lar paragraph, now going the rounds,
as follows:
During the cross examination of
witness, he was asked where his father
was. To which question, with meIan-
choly air, he responded: Dead, sir
dropped offvery suddenly, SIR 'How
came he to drop off suddenly?' was the
next question. Foul play, sir--the shcr-
i'll imposed on his unsuspcious nature,
and getting him to go on platform to
look at select audience, suddenly
knocked small trap door out from I'M
der him, and in falling he got entangled
in rope, from the effects of which ho
expired"
SINGULAR WAR INCIDENT
all the horrors OF war, many incidents
occur, amusing In themselves, and
which sometimes, under the most try
ing circumstances, are provOcation of
mirth and form subjects for camp stor-
les months after. L have seen soldiers
chase hares and pick blackberries when
"A shower of the leaden messengers of
death was falling thick and fast around
them, and do many other cool and fool
ish things. But the following, which
actually took place at Mine Run sur
passes anything | remember to have
ever seen or heard
On one of those biting cold mornings,
while the armies of Meade and Lee
were staring at each other across the lit
tie rivulet known as Mine Run, when
moments appeared to be hours, and
hours days, SO near at hand seemed the
deadly strife, solitary sheep leisurely
walked along the Run on the Rebel
side. A rebel vidette fired and killed
the sheep, and dropping his gun, ad-
vanced to remove his prize. In an in
slant he was covered by gun in the
hands ofa Union vidette, who said.
"Divide is the word or you are dead
Johnny"
This proposition was assentcd to, aud
there, between the two skirmish lines,
Nj Rebel skinned the sheep, took one
half, and moved back with it to his post
when his challenger, In turn, dropping