North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1869-11-10
WHOLE No. 6S2.
Putting up Stoyes...A Seasonable Sub.


Putting up Stoyes...A Seasonable Sub.
ject. l'EI
We do not remember the exact date of
the invention Of stoves, but it was several
years ago. Since then, mankind has been
tormented. once year, by the difficulties
that beset the task Of putting them ur.
and getting the pipes "fxed." With all
our Yankee ingenuity. no American has
ever invented any method by which the
labor of putting up stove can be lessen
ed. The job is now almost as severe and
vexatious as humanity can endure.
Men always put up their stoves on
rainy day. Why, we know not, but we
never heard of an exception to the rule.
The first step to be taken is to put on an
old and very ragged coat, under the i'm,
preston that when the operator gets his
mouth full of plaster it will keep his shirt
bosom clean. Next, he gets his hand in
side the place where the pipe ought to go,
and blacks his fingers, then he carefully
makes mark down one side of his nose.
Having got bis face properly marked, the
victim, usually Pater familias--is ready to
begin the ceremony.
The "head of the family grasps one
side of rhe bottom of the stove, and the
hired girl takes hold of the other side. In
| this way the stove is started from the
woodshed to the parlor. Going through
the door the chief operator carefully
swings his side of the stove around and
jams his thumb nail against the door post.
Having got the ''family comfort in
place, the next thing is to find thesAegs.
Two of these inside the stove since the
spring before. The other two must be
hunted after for twenty-five minutes. They
are usually found under the coal. Then
the "head of the family holds up one
side of the stove while wife puts two OF
the legs in the place, and next he holds up
the other side while the other two are
fixed, and one of the first two falls out
BY the time the stove is on It's legs be
gets reckless and takes of his old coat
regardless OF his linen.
"Pater familias' then goes for the pipe
and gets two cinders in his eye. 1t dom,
make any difference how we'll the pipe
was put up last year, it will always be
found to be little too short or too long
The "head of the family" jams his ha
over his eyes, and taking pipe under hi
arm, goes to the tin shop to have it fixed
When he gets back, he steps upon one O
/. the best parlor chairs, to see if the pip
fits, and his wife makes him get down 70
fear he will scratch the varnsh off fror
the chair with the nails in his boot hee
o In getting down, he is sure to step on til
. cat, and may thank his stars that it is nc
the baby. Then he gets an old chair an
. climbs up to the chimney again, to fin
y that in cutting the pipe off, the end h;
:. been left too big for the hole in the chin
e ney. So he goes to the wood-shed an
o splits one side ofthe pipe with an old Ak
= and squeezes it in his hand to make
:, smaller.
y The chief operator at length gets IL
= pipe in shape, and finds that the stoy
J, does not stand true. Then himself an
p his wife and the hired girl move the stoy
TO the left, and the legs fall out agair
. Next it is to be moved to the right. Mo,
3 difficulty with the legs. Moved to til
A front little. Elbow not even with til
hole in the chimney, and the "head of til
y family goes again to the wood shed afte
: some little blocks. While putting til
e blocks under the legs, the pipe comes o,
Of the chimney.
a That remedied, the elbow keeps tippin
n over, to the great alarm of his wifi
e 'Pater familias' gets the dinner table GU
puts an old chair on it, makes his vii
d take hold of the CHAIR, and balances hin
II self to drive some nails into the ceiling
y but in doing so he drops the hammer O
+ his wifes h, ad. At last he gets the mai
r driven, makes wire swing to hold tt
J. pipe, hammers little here, pulls littl
Q there, takes long breath and announce
# the ceremony concluded.
d job never put up any stoves. 1t woul
$ have ruined his reputation if he had an,
!. The above programme, with unimportar
o variations, will be carried out in man
l. respectable families during the next 81
!. weeks Oshkosh Times.
! The above reads to US like Thaddeus ,
Warsaw, The Three Spaniards, Mysteri,
Of Udolpho, &c., sc. Every Fall we rea
the practical parts Of Stove Pipes.