The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1869-03-04
HUMAN NATUR.
BY PETROLEUM v. NAsBY, il.

|
Mr.. Editur-Human natur is a envious
critter. | have studied ontew all its eksen-
trisities and hav' KUN few the konklushun
that it is what Mister Thomas Benton NV
| Mizouri called non-deskript
Now we hav' govurment fur it. That
! guvermcnt is devided, like gall, ontew three
parts-the legslativ, the jewdishal and the
ecksecutiv branches. Then ther is koDstitu-
shuns and by laws, and nobody obeys them
only when they plese. The legislator gets
drunk and then makes a law tew punish
| drunkards. The jewdishary grants lisenses
tew sell likur and then puts men ontew pris-
on for sellin' likur. The ecksecutiv officers
| get their likur fur not teliin' who sells iikur
klandeStingly and then tells ontew the ven
der before they git sober. Tew men dispute
about the boundary lines NV their FARMS
They go tew law. The Judge calls jure.-
He givs three lawyers ON each side three
hours each tew mistify the case SO that each
Jurer must perjur himself or leave the box.
The Judge gifts tew men, one ontew each side
| tew set and listen till he tells tho iure that
they havn't got nothin' tew do with the Case
but bring in a verdc The Court charges is
three hundred dollars. Won set of lawyers
takes won farm. and t'other set takes t'other
| farm, end it's rekorded ontew the dokets as
justis. A lawyer pledes a case agin a man
that sells lkur, quotes the bibel and Justin
ian and Coke and Backstun. showin' its all
wrong tew use likur, and then goes tew his
boardin' phase and gifts as drunk as SakuS.
Another pledes agiu the sin NV gamblin' and
then plays poke till mornin- Another char
ges his klient one hundred dollars fur losin'
his case. a doctor kills his paShent fur fifty
dollars-iest half price.
While all this is goin' on the poor printer
hot fha no ho+
thrills the senses, and the skool techer that
teches little human natur, are all starvin'
Kongress breaches ekonomy by nkreasin'
the approprashuns several million Nv dol
lars. The legislator practises ekonomy by
multiplyin' pastors and folders and inkreaSin'
their own numbers from one hundred tew
three hundred and votin' themselves in
kreased pay and milage Won man is put
outew the Bastil fur violatin' the konstitu-
shun and bylaws, while all the offisers Nv
the government is doin' the same with i'm
puguity. Konsuitushens and laws is Nv no
yuse, and il the peple wefn't inherently gund
the whole fabric of government wolld dissolve
like lump of shugar. Government is jest
myth which simpsl men obey and cunnin'
men larf at The innosent is punished and
the raskals eskape. Rogues git awful big
salaries for Goin' nothin' aud poor men work
Natur votes knaves ontew offs and then
taxes itself tremeniusly tew pay them fur
their knavery. Human Natur IS poor shaks
and ort tew hav gardeen appinted to tax
care NV it. but uf won was appinted he wud
pokit the funds and then run off with some
body's wife or dorter.
Human Natur spent morn a thousand
million Nv dollars tew konvert the hethen,
that is ten times better then we are. Hu-
man Na,ur sells the Inens whisky and guns,
and then kills them for fitin'. Human Ma
tur invents n balot-box and then about there
men ontew each eleckshun deestrect doez the
votin', and that's what we kali Republck.
a be0ut one hundred men govern this nashun.
1t takes more men tew govern Monarkikal
Russia. We brag abeout Washington and
selebrate his birth day with W isIy.
Human Natur pays the projuser nothin',
but gives the knnsuIre: fat salaries. Human
Natur is easily humbugged. It's worse than
the Mormons and the itch both together, and
ort tew be suppressed by law. We've more
laws now than an ostrige could digest in
thousand milleniums, and yet human natur'
is gettin' worse every day. Tie only thing
that win ever cure human natur will he fur
this ere erth tew open its mouth and swallow
'em all deown like Jonah swallowed the
whale. Yours, in the wool, Massey, JR.
DIFD- At the residence of her parents.
near Loretto, on Tuesday last, Mary, young
est daughter of Joseph and Emma O'Brien,
in the 18th year of her age. The subject of
this notice was one Of those pure and guile
less beings who seem lent to earth for little
while to- show what angels are. Ever ami
able gentle and modest In her department.
her carly loss Is a sad bereavement 20 the
! kindred and friends by whom she WAS so
dearly loved. May she rest in peace. E.
| SPR1NG.-The almanac tells us that this
| is the first month of Spring, but there is
! nothing above US or below us TO verify the
fact Still it is evident from the great
| bargains in winter goods that Rowley Davis
! is giving to his cus ustOmers, that he at least
wants 20 make room for his Spring stock as
! soon as possible, and hence money can be
saved by buying at his establishment.
| C. I. R-These initials stand for the name
/ of one of our most enterprising business men .
! and will also stand for the Clocks, Trinkets
/ and Revolvers which he keeps for sale, to
say nothing of the Sewing Machines. Watch
es, and hundreds of other articles just as
/ desirable and fully as cheap. If you need
anything of the kind don't fail to patronize
/ G.. L. Roberts.
GooDs AT CosT.-Yallie Barker has issued
a circular announcing that he will sell of
| his immense stock of ready-made clothing
and other seasoDable goods al cost. Vaile
don't say one thing and do another, and
when he makes such an offer he intends to
abide by it. His assortment is unsurpassed,
and embraces nearly every thing that every
body needs.
A SQUARE MEAL.-Persons visiting Court,
as well as those who arc here all the time,
can obtain good mess of oysters or other
delicacies, and something good to wash it
down with, at A. II. Faller's restaurant,
adjoining the Cambria House. Mr.. Falfer
serves the best oysters to be found in town
and charges moderate prices all the time.