The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-12-17
dIrif ans 9)nlttur .

Utit ans 3jntttup.
"The Coming Man"-A waiter.
- Tie lowest class Of society
Dwarfs.
- The piece fsstival-A quilting
patty.
- A romance Of the middle age
An old maids lovo letter.
- Burying people before they arc
dead is called grave mistake.
- Opening performance-Oyster-
mans signs.
- Blood tells--especially on ones
shirt bosom.
- Why is a loaf OF bread like toad?
Answer. Because it raises with hops.
- Things not to be mingled--love
liquor, accounts, and your neighbours
affairs with your own.
- Why is General Grants family
like An old tin pail? Beca Use there are
SO many Dents Unfit.
- Do the best you can where you
are; and when t at is done you will
see an opening for something better.
a young lady in Illinois having
Q dose ito be taken before going to
Z bed" set up until she got well, so az
not to take it.
- Voltage, who is single man, is
generally considered honest. but saws
there are times when. his fingers have
-itched tcshoek" dress.
- Mr.. Simms says il It wasn't for
the hole in the hoop you couldn't put
1t on the barrel, and the barre wosld
burst.
" A Kansas paper, sneering at the
stupidity Of contemporary says;
''Ihe best thing he got OF this week is
a dirty shirt"
- The weather is cold at Lamarie.
A young woman choked with bit of
ice the other day, and the doctor decid-
ed that nothing could be done to re-
move the obstruction until Spring.
A lady was recommending to a
gentleman a medicine for the gout.
II know many who praise it 60 the
Skies" she said. "No doubt madam"
said he; "ior it has sent many 10 the
skies to praise it,"
~-------- A country paper says that the
other day an Irishman was called up
IN case OF assault and battery, and
when asked by the magistrate what he
said remarked, ~ said with the toe OF
my boot, "Go home"
- A dairyman was awakened one
night by a wag with the announcement
that his beat COW was checking. He
forthwith jumped up to save the life OF
Crumple, when 10 he found q turnip
rn1nck in the mouth OF his pump.
The fly has Ito uses. He serves
hal Ill ~. =
on awsrm day, SO that their I'M
t, keeserated hearts may be touched by
churSreached word.
Iekoas" Wonan is delusion I" exclaim-
WY Isty old bachelor to a witty
"And man is always hing
younEEib'iy." = '''' was 'Hs
- Said an astronomer to bright
eyed girl, when talking OF rainbows:
ibid you ever see lunar bow miss ?"
- have seen beaur by moonlight SIR, ii
that's what you mean," was the sly re-
joinder.
- At Rock Island, Illinois. little
foundllng has been placed in the poor
house and they have named it Grant
The poor house is bad enougo for an
innocent child, without blasting it's
hopes by attaching such handle to 1t.
A Kentucky paper says that in
Rowan county crows are thus exter-
minated: Several grains of corn are
strung upon horse hair, which wnen
swallowed, causes n tickling sensation
in the crows :hroat. In his efforts TO
get it up the crow invariably scratches
his head off,
- A woman once went home from
church praising tie sermon and some
one said to her: "Where was the
tsxt?" She had forgotten. "We.l,
what do you remember 2" go" said
she. ~ remembered to burn UP my
half-bushel J" She kept store, aud US
cd false measure. She had heard
good sermon.
- Some time since gentleman
died IN the town of L-b. who du-
ring life refused to believe in another
world. Two or three weeks after his
demise his wife received through me-
dunn, a communication which read az
follows: "Dear wife, | now believe.
Please send me my thin clothes and a |
barrel Of ice water"
= Somebody relates good story
OF couple of boys, who having been |
hunting all day as they drew near
A'SHiCs PASSiiS W bilt Olu Village ulttb-
ing-house. Seeing some object perch
ed upon the steeple, one of the boys
hred at it and brought down huge |
owl tumblng to tile ground. His
younger companion, shocked at what
seemed an act OF sacrilege exclaimed:
"Oh. Bill you've done gone and shot
a cherubim ~
- Shortly after the recent great
raiE-storms and freshet in the New
England States, a resident OF Boston,
who owned mill property in Maine
dispatched an agent to ascertain the
condition OF his property BY due
course Of mail he received the following
reply:
Dear Sir-I arrived here this morn
Ing-found the dam by the mill Site
but no mill by dam site.''
- An Irish boy trying hard to get
place denied shat he was Irish.
4 don't know what you mean by not
being an lrishman, "said the gentleman
who was about to hire him; "but this |
do know, that you we're born in Ire
land"
"Och! your honor if that's all, small
blame that. Suppose your old cat
had kittens in the oven, would they be
loaves CT bread 2"
The boy got the place.