The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1869-12-13
Gossip and GIeanina,.

| watering milk in Switzerland subiects
the offender to eighteen months imprison-
ment. ~
| "A fellow in Oswego won fifty cents by
eating eighty eight buckwheat cakes in ten
| minutes. iarcg
Diamond engagement rings are going out
of vogue-emerald and pearl being substitut-
| ed. 81. --.s-.-
! The bones of an animal estimated to be
twenty-five feet in height and fifteen feet in
| leng'h nave recently been exhumed near
| wheaton, IN Dupage county, Ill. r..t
-"Remember who you are talking to- STRIP,
said an Indignant parent to facetious bow.
~ am your father, sir!" "Wen, who's to
blame for that?" said young impertinencs,
"tisnt me-" -r -..r ...r.
An old gentleman was sitting upon the
brink OF a river, fishing most patiently. Sud-
denly vicious little dog stole up behind him,
and gave him spiteful snap through his
pantaloons. -'Wheww exclaimed the old
fishermen, II got bite at last !"
"A bachelor says that all he should ask
for in wife would be good temper, health,
good understanding, agreeable physiognomy,
figure, good connection, domestic habits, re-
sources OF amusement, good spirits, converse
| tional talents, elegant manners, and moneyi
| "A certain lady had a custom of saying to,
favorite little dog, to make him follow her
"COme along, sir" A would-be-witty gentle
man stepped up to her one day, and acco.ted
her with; "Is it sme, madam, you called ?"
"Oh, no, sir" said the lady, with great com
posure, sit was another puppy spoke TO-"
Mamma" said Master Harry, show fat
Amelia has grownw eyes," replied his moth.
er, "but don't say fat dear, say stout" At
the dinner table on the following day, Harry
was asked if he would take fat. "No, thank
you," said Harry, "I'll take stout" His
| mother leaned back in her chair with surprise.
| -Charles-Tell me, why that sfdness?
Tell me why that look Of care? Why has
aed that look of gladness that thy face was
wont to wear? Laura-Charles, tits useless
to dissemble; well my face may wear frown,
for I've lost my largest .hairpin, and my
chignon's coming down!
| MIR. G. was most inveterate punster.
Lying very i'll of the cholera, his nurse pro-
posed to prepare young tender chicken.
| "Hadn't you better take an old hen?" said
G., in low whisper (he was not to speak
loud) "for she would be more apt to lay on
my stomach G.. fell back exhausted, and
the nurse tainted. ---s.- -.5, ,rt-F.
-"Everything has its use," said philo-
sophical professor to his class. "Of what use
is drunkard's fiery red nose ?" asked one of
the pupils. sits lighthouse" answered the
professor, "to warn us of the little water
that passes underneath it, and reminds US
of the shoals of appetite on which we might
otherwise be wrecked" -el-. IL
"A gentleman asked a shepherd whether
that river might be passed over or not 2"
"Yes," said he-but upon trying, he founced
over head and ears. "Why, you roguep says
he, "did you not tell me it might be passed
over?" "Indeed, sir" says he, 81 thought so; !;
for my geese go over and back again every
day, and did not doubt but you were as wise
as goose" s1 qf' f'-aHL .5.J sfI
fare sisters Susan and Nancy resources,
PAT" .'No, my boy. Why did you ask that
question ?" Because heard Uncle John say
ifyou would only husband your resources, you
could get along good deal better than you
do. And / thought it would be good idea,
because you wouldn't have so many young
men here to supper every evening-that's all,
pap y. ..g,se..s 4. re-'s-s. .r,r
"A man passes for what he is worth. Very
idle is all curiosity concerning other peoples
estimates Of us, and all fear of remaining un-
known is not less so. If man knows that
he can do anything-knows that he can do 1t
better than any one else-he has pledge of
acknowledgment of that fact by all persons.
The world is full of judgment days, and into
every engagement that man enters, in every
action that he attempts, he is gauged and
stamped.
We have friend who finds 1t difficult to
pronounce the letter r. Meeting him on one
occasion he said, "Wobert have you heard Of
the great wiot on Bwystol woad ?"-"A what ?'
"Why wiot, wiot, a wiot.'' s'What is a
wiot?" "Don't you know what wiot isp A
wiot is wumpus." swell, now what is q
wumpus? You have got me again." "Why
you know what mean. A wiot, a wumpus
wow" "Oh, oh! riot! Yes, yes Il have
heard of something of that"
| 0iino the hnoI! saiu man one uay tC
his son, who, tired and weary, was leaning
on his axe over log which he had In vain
been trying to cleave. Then, looking at the
log, the man saw how the boy had hacked
and clipped all round the knot without cut
ting 1t. Taking the axe, he struck few
sharp blows on the knot, and split the log
without difficulty. Smiling, he returned the
axe to his son, saying, "always strike the
knot~ Look your trouble in the eye, as the
lion-hunter looks in the face of lion. Ne-er
shrink from painful duty, but step W 20 IL
and do it. Yes, strike the knot.
The Rev. M'C--was one ay dining
at large party, when Mr.. ErskineAnd some
other lawyers were present. A feat dish Of
cress was handed round after diyaer, and DR..
MC--helped himself much more largely
than any other person and, he ate with
his fingers, with peculiar yracity of man
| ner, Mr.. Erskine was strui with the idea
that he resembled Nebphadnezzar in his
state of condemnation. esolved to give him
a hit for the apparent g'ssness of his taste,
and his manner of eatig, the wit addressed
him with, "Dr. NC, you bring to my
mind the great King gNebuchadnezzar!" and
the company were eginnng to litter at the
ludicrous alluson when the reverend vegsta-
| riap replied: "ly, do I mind ye o. Nebuc-
hadnezzar? TIat'l be because am eating
a'aong the bruies?"
"A cousin of Balakireff happagfeSSr feSr =, - =
under the disnl~e1r authorities for trial VIZ
das Just about to ratify their sentence. when
Balakireff, hearing OF it, made his appearance
with very doleful face, and approached his
master as if about to speak. Peter, guessing
his errand, turned to the officers who were
standing around him, and said, in loud
voice, az know what petition this fellow Is
bringing me; but give you my word of hon
or, gentlemen, that will not grant it." The
Jester, hearing this, instantly threw himselfat
the feet of the Gear, and said, with the ut
most apparent earnestness, 81 beseeeh you,
Peter A.exeevitch, do not pardon tnat rascal
of n cousin of miner' "Ah, you rogue" crieo
peter. --you,re too sharp for me yet, L seer
and the next Gay .ha eulprit receivod hia par-
don. ,e,,s;on--a onoa had
levers BY the legion. You need not imagine
I uorrst them now. No indeedl My life Ii
leasant one. No one annoys me. No hus-
bnd calls me "my love" in company and
"oi brute" at home! He does not growl Al