The Shasta courier., 1869-04-03
SHASTA COURIER.
THE cALAMIrIEs OF A BEAU.

Adolphus Smiler was the handsomest
young man at Mrs. McHash's genteel and
select clearinghouse He was tall and
graceful in contour; his legs were beauti-
fully long and thin; his hair was worn
parted in the middle, and his black and
glossy side-whiskers were the envy OF the
one and the alteration of the other sex
Dressed always in the incest of clothes. and
gloved, perfumed, aud brushed up, from
the tip of his polished boot to the crown of
his shining stovepipe, he invariably pre-
sented the appearance of having just emerg-
ed from bandbox
Mr.. Smiler was the gentlemanly and
obliging clerk in Popkins' Hoop Skirt
Emporium. The ladies said it was pleas
ure to be waited upon by him. He was
so handy in exhibiting the articles and SO
familiar with their merits and deficiency,
and accompanied the display with such a
charming seasoning of small talk, that
Popkins had pronounced him to be the
most invaluable of his statesmen and had
but lately raised his salary from twelve to
the magnificent sum of fifteen dollars per
week Out of this Adolpus boarded, dress
ed, went to parties and baued the ladies'
How he managed it, is not for us to say;
it is sufficient to remark that he had his
cares and embarrassmentS as we'll as the
rest of us.
The existence cf lIr. Smiler was swayed
by three emotions. He feared, he loved,
he hated The objects of his terror were
his creditors, who were numerous and I'M
Fortunate. The object of his hearts adora-
ton was the beautiful Miss Tilda Wattles
The object of his souls detestation was her
cousin, Mr.. Washington jerks As much
as Adolphus loved Miss Tilda, he could
nevertheless have strangled her relative
cheerfully. He never saw the meddlesome,
sneering fellow without feeling his fingers
tingle to get into his necktie
Miss Tilda Wattles boarded with her
mamma az Mrs. McIIashs She. had re-
ceived Mr. Smiler's attentions favorably,
and had even admitted to that gentleman
that she liked him.
"Tilda, my child" remarked the elder
ly Wattles, keep Mr. Smler on the
string, he is distngue, he dresses well, he
talks charmingly If you do not succeed
in catching something better, he will do to
fall back upon.'
"Ah, mamma" Miss Tilda would say,
" cousin Washington ridcules him so, that
| feel ashamed sometimes to be seen in his
company"
Your cousin Washington is an impu-
dent person" would be the reply "There
are many traits in Mr.. Smiler's character
which he would do well to initiate, instead
of spending 50 much of his time talking
politics and smoking his filthy cigars"
So Adolphus continued to worship at
the shrine, while Miss Tilda smiled upon
and Mr.. Washington jerks scowled at him.
He had gone so far as to whisper in the
ears of the fair one some allusion to a not
far-distant day, when Hymen might cover
their bliss. But the course of true love
has never been known, not even to the
oldest inhabitant, to run smoothly. The
loves Of Adolphus and Tilda were no ex-
ception to the rule.
Mrs. Browne Stone, of the avenue. the
rich contractors wife, gave grand party,
and Mr. Washington jerks and his cousin
were invited. Never had Adolphus hated
with so bitter a hate as when he saw his
charmer whirled off to the party by the
detested jerks. He clenched his fists and
ground his teeth in impotent rage. Fol
lowing the storm Of passion came season
of deep depression. The clearinghouse
seemed hateful to him, the garulity of Mrs.
Wattes about the days when she was
chc-ild lost its interest, the parlor was lone
some without its deity, his bedroom was
simply intolerable.
"To go with that ass, jerks" Mr.. Smiler
muttefed moodily, "and she knows how |
despise him. All, how could she wound
me thus?"
An idea seized him. Why should he
not enjoy himself, also? Why should he
not spend the evening with some one whose
bright eyes might make him forget the
cruel Tilda Ha, ha, could not two play
at that game? Let her smile on jerks,
and, encircled by jerks arms, spin through
the glddy mazes of the dance he would
have rare revenge. The Misses Briggs
doated on him. They had often invited
him to their mansion. They were tall, red
haired girls, it was true, and their father
had been Common Councilman, but thew
were not to blame for their misfortune. In
the radiance of their smiles he might bask
the entire evening. Every pang his lacar-
ated heart experienced he might avenge
with compliment. And what satisfac.
ton it would be on the morrow to describe
to Miss Tilda, in a nonchalant way, the de-
lightful evening he had passed with the
Misses Briggs, and how they petted him,
and what really charming girls they are
She would see that her absence in company
with that jerks had not detected him
| O, no?
| Mr. Smiler put on his best suit of clothes,
the same that his tailor had dunned him
about only the day before. He carefully
oiled and brushed his whiskers, pinned q