The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-09-02
Wit and Hat27a0T.

~ am going to draw this beau into knot,
as the lady said at the hymeneal alter. .isA.
"A prudent man, says a witty Frenchmun
lis like a pin. His head prevents him go
ing too far. oe ksas .5ief a9s e>91.
Cicero gives expression to very beautl,
full thought whephe says, 1 go from life as
from an inn, not as from my home. as0' y
In reply to a paper which called Genera
Sherman the coming man, Georgia Journa
says it hopes that he is not coming that way
again. ,a ts,
Loving wife, at Long Braneh-'Tac hor
rid surf makes me keep my mouth shut.
Sarcastic husband-'Take some Of it home
with you
An Irshman was once asked to define an
Irish bull; to which he replied, When
eyer you see two COWS lying down in field
ethc ones that is standing up is a bull.
That chap who was clonely since his moth
er died, lis all right now. His father mar.
ried the head of large family of girls,
and they keep house for him. and give a
party nearly every night. 800,
A Leavenworth editor is in quest of speci-
al attractions for his paper. He says: What
We want for this column is personalities, as
mean as possible. Expense Of libel suits to
be betrayed by the writer-funeral expenses
by u.s. e 2 soaiil q u 'r' s-sal'
The little darling, he didn't strike Mrs.
Smiths babya purpose: did he? 1t was a
mere accident, wasn't it dear? .sa7a sa5'-
Yes, ma, to be sure it was and if he
don't behave himself, I'll crack him again.
Asentimental editor says: aIt is comfort
ing to know that one eye watches fondly for
our coming, and looks brighter when We
Gomez" A contemporary is grieved to learn
that his '.brother of the quill has wife
with only one eye"
A tutor of college, occurring a young
m n on his irregular conduct, added with
great pathos, " the report of your vices will
b ing your fathers gray hairs with sorrow to
the grave e beg your pardon, sir, replied
the pupil" my father wears wig"
AaWestern paper announces the illness of
its editor, piously adding: s'All good pay
ing subscribers are requested to mention him
1HstbEGlE pIdycIo.t FoUhSio AeSo uOts do
the. prayers of the wicked avail nothing, ac-
cordspg to good authority" t - 7
Jadygiyes this conversation +: Magistrate
-tWAa Patrick, what have you to say about.
stealing .the pig?" Patrick--"Wel, yer
honor :f,Tysasee, it was jist this: The pick TUX
upon hia to shleep in my bit of a garden
for three Tssssats, yer honer-r, and ! jist say
zed him for the rint J! y s3 7A
A person sdea:gnated ass A South Western
poet ''reeentlv died ia the South West, where
upon SOUTH vsstssresed discourseth thus:
" Young in yeeTs but old in achievement: he
has cleft for himsdf a niche in the temple Of
fame oyer whihhms now see lowering for an
instant his spirit "a rainbow formed by the
light of his gsaias-shining through the wa
tiers of truth"
A characteristic ansadotc is related Of an
out at elbows Yankee poet, who, By some freak
of fortune. came. into possession OF a i've dol
lar bill. He called to a lad, and said, " John
ny, my bey,s take William, and get it chang
ed "What do you mean by calling 1T Will
LAM? tiaaured the wondering lad. why,
John,p replied the poet, al am not sufficient /
ly familiar with it,totake the liberty Of calling
it Bit" -
A bellmakcr, 1endearering to sell large
gong to aQuakcr gentleman, remarked that
it would be useful in the country, for it would
not only serve as a dinner bell, but would al
so, IN ease of an attemptto break into. the
house. enable the inmates to give an alarm to
he surrounding neighborhood., - Friend
.eplted ttpssQ Quaker gentleman, LATTER listening
Ettsntiyeiy to the recommendations, II will
rot purchase the gong; for IL Iput it to both
hese uses. how should nay friends distinguish
'etw .sn a lite OWNER and an early burglary =