Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1869-10-27
MARK TWAIN ONMR BEECHER.

The Rev. Henry Ward Beecher's
private habits are the subject of Mark
Twain's latest contribution TO tho
Buffalo Express. The whole article
is extremely funny, but that portion
Which relates TO Mr.. Beecher's farm
ing experince is the humorist's most
cxtravagant vein, and quite equal to
his best efforts. 1t is as follows:
"Mr. Beecher's farm consists of
thirty-six acres, and is carried On
strict scientific principles. He never
puts In any part Of crop without
consulting his book. He ploughs and
reaps and digs and sows according to
the best authoriiies-nnd the authori-
ties cost more than the other farming
implements do. AS soon as the libra
ry is complete the farm will begin to
be profitable investment. But book
farming has its drawbacks. Upon
one occasion, when IL seemed morally
certain that tho hay ought to be cut,
the hay book could not be found-and
before it,was found il was too late and
the hay was all spoiled
"Mr. Beecher raises some OF the fn-
est crops of wheat in the country, but
the unfhvorable difference between
the cost of producing it and its mar
ket value after tits produced has in
terfered considerably with its success
as commercial enterprise. His spe-
cial weakness is hogs however He
considers hogs the best game the farm
produces. He buys the original pig
for dollar and half, and feeds him
foty dolars' worth of corn, and then
sells him for about nine dollars. This
is the only crop he ever makes any
money on. lie looses on the corn, but
he makes seven dollars and half on
the hog. lie does not mind this, be-
cause ho never expects TO make any
thing on corn, anyway. Aud anyway
II turns out, he has the excitement of
raising the hog anyhow, whether he
gets the worth of him or not. His
strawberries would be comfortable
success if the ROBINS would eat tur-
nips, but they wont, and hence tho
difficulty.
"One Of Mr. Beeeher's most harras-
sing difficulties in his farming opera
tons comes OF the close resemblance
Of different sorts of seeds and plants
to each other. Two years ago his far
sightedness warned him that there
was going to be a great scarcity of
water melons, and therefore he put in
a crop OF twenty-seven acres of that
fruit. But when they came up they
turned out to be pumpkins, aud a
dead loss wasthc consequence. Some
times a portion Of his crop goes into
the ground the most promising SWEET
potatoes, and comes up the infernalest
carrots-though | never heard him
express il in just that way. When
he bought his farm he found one egg
in every hens nest on the place. He
said that here was Just the reason
why so many farmers failed-they
scattered their forces too much-oon-
ccntration was the idea. SO he gath.
cred those eggs together and put them
all under one experienced old hen.
That bon roasted over that contract
night and day for eleven weeks under
the anxious supervision Of Mr.. Beech
er himself but she could not "phase'
those eggs Whyi Because they were
those internal porcelain things which
are used by ingenious and fraudulent
farmers as "nest eggs" Butperhaps Mr.
Beechers most disastrous experience
was the time he tried 10 raise an i'm
mensc crop Of dried apples. lie plant
cd fifteen hundred dollars worth, but
never one Of them sprouted. He has
never been able to understand to this
day, what was the matter with those
apples"