Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-09-07
Lat7acH for HaG729O2'iSts.
A pair of tights-two drunkards.

A pair of tights-two drunkards.
A butcher will invariably believe in meat
eroric showers
A New York paper says of famous singer:
She sings few airs and puts on great many.
The Missouri plan for getting rid of rogue
is to tie him to big stone and then roll the
stone into river.
A German resident of New York has such a
remarkable hard name, that he spoils gross of
steel pens indorsing signature
Literalicus, whose house is brilliantly lighted
with gas, says he'll give fond memory VIVA
ling" if she brings the light of others days near
him.
A man in Iowa has invented gun that, he
says, will kill at distance of fourteen miles. =
This is the gun we wished for when in the home
guards
The fly has its uses. 1t serves to keep bald
headed sinners awake at church on a warm day
so that their unregenerated heads may be touch
ed by the preached word.
Mr. Swallow, on hearing that iron was ex-
cellent as medicine, undertook to swallow a
horseshoe, apd nearly lost his life by the nails
which were not creased.
To bring out moustache, tie it to a strong
cord attach heavy smoothing-iron, and throw
the latter from fourth-story window.
Mythologists tell us that 10 died because of
that romantic story has been destroyed by a
chemist discovering Iodide of potassium.
A youngster in Quebec tried to crawl down
the chimney and surprise the family by emery
ing from the fireplace, but got wedged in at the
hop &c A,,o ho1 70 ha RI
picks
A worthy old salt demonstrated with lectu-
rer the other day for speaking of ''the sound
ing brass" Any lubber, he remarked, ought
to know that the lead is the thing we take
soundngs with.
A little boy while coming down stairs was
cautioned by his mother not to lose his balance.
His question which followed was puzzler =
Mother, if would lose my balance where
would it go top
Mrs Darlington, high living don't bringi it on
1t is incoherent in some families, and is hand
ed down from father to son. Mr.. Hammer,
poor soul, who has been so long i'll with it, dis
inherits it from his wife's grandmother
"What do you mean, you little rascal?' ex-
claimed an individual to an impudent youth
that had seized him by the nose in the street.
''Oh, nothing; only | am going out to seek my
fortune, and father told me to be sure to take
hold of the first thing that turned up"
The chapter of Western novel contains the
following "All of sudden the fair girl con-
tinued to sit on the sands, gazing upon the bri-
ny deep on whose heaving bosom the tall ships
went merrily by, freig hted-ah who can tell
how much Of joy and sorrow, and pine lumber
and emigrants, and hopes, and salt fish,
A lawyer when he first domiciled in Detroit
was SO poor that he described his poverty as
follows; "When l first went to Detroit | was
in perfect rags; the smallest hole in my shirt
was the one stuck my head through, and
had to have my only shirt washed by the dozen
for it was twelve pieces
A pedantic fellow was complaining to the
celebrated Lord Erskine that he had fallen over
his brothers park gate and extensively abra-
ded the epidermis on the facial portion of his
person." His lordship remarked that it was
most fortunate circumstance his brothers gate
was not as high as his style, or be would in
evitably have broken his neck.