Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-10-22

gets here.
Two young men both took out
license to marry the same girl q
Maquoketa the other day. Resul
not known.
"The woman question"--Wha
shall I get for fall bonnet? "Th,
man Where shall sc
money enough to pay for it?
Brigham Young has school 70
his children-sixty or seventy in
number. 1t is q two.story squar,
abode and succeed building.
A young woman inquired at {
Wilton store for "feline intestines
for lyrical purposes" !. c. cat gut fol
guitar strings. The clerk tainted.
A horse car conductor in Chicago is
asked to pay $4,000 for putting O
man off the car. He says he hasn't
been conductor long enough to save
SO much.
There is an old lady in New York
who thinks she owns the city hall,
and every month for several years
she has made formal demand for
the rent.
Cleveland has q gentleman who
can eat twenty'seven large new po-
tatoes in thirty minutes. He is the
worst potato-bug of the season.--De-
troit Free Press.
An Indianapolis engineer mistook
the moon, which raised right in front
of him, for the headlight of an APP
preaching engine, stopped his train
and got blowed up for it.
The Boston Journal says that one
OF the leading poets IF New England
derives more income from q gravel
bank which he owns than he did
from his literary productions.
Josh Billings says: "Whenever j
find a real handsome woman en-
gagged in wimmin's rights Dizziness,
then am going to take my hat un-
der my arm and join the procession"
The Times says, if prospects don't
lie, that in four or five years Sioux
City will have more pretty girls than
any city in the State. Her little
misses are sweet as peaches and
cream.
The West Union Gazette gets of
this good one about velocipedists
1.-THE imaginative locaIizer says the
volocipede rider reminds him of a
big baby trying to kick off lis dia-
persm Good, and true to dot.
There Is a man in Madison county
who had a silver spoon that during
the war saved his life. He had it in
his haversack, and a rebel bullet
struck the bowl and drove it through,
forcing the concave the other way.
The Boston Journal says that an
elderly lady looking at q parlor bill
lard table at the mechanics fair, on
Monday, exclaimed, as her eyes fell
upon the box containing the ivory:
care these soap balls"
A Wisconsin paper alleges that the
secret OF the, success of Chicago
newspapers lies in the fact that every
man and woman in the town takes
every paper, for fear divorce notice
in which they are interested may be
published and they not find it out.
Some young ladies i'm Fon du Lac,
Wis, are in the habit of blockading
the sidewalks so as to compel the
young men to go out into the muddy
strsets-a practice on the part of the
females which a local paper calls
"boiled cussedness with the scum
on.n
Near Winterset the other day, a
reverend gentleman was thrown from
load of hay, down an embankment,
distance of about Is feet, and was
somewhat injured. At about the
same time, his wife was riding on
horseback across bridge i'm the same
locality, the horse stumbled and
threw the lady into the stream, and
it was with much difficulty that she
was extricated.
A Milwaukee man, who deposited
500 in bank, and was told the in
terest would be 5 per cent, came
promptly at the end of the year with
s. in currency to pay that interest.
When told that the S. went the other
way he looked up i'm establishment,
and he went away wondering why a
man should pay him for being al
lowed to take care of of his money
whole year. -.r-- ..-n~
Some ingenious person has discover
ed method of turning street dirt and
sewerage into gas. The Londoners
have put in claim to the inventors
services, but here is his proper field:
let him come and make our mud into
gas, and glory and fortune avail!
him. The filth which Is kicking
about our streets would enable us to
supply half the cities in the Union
with brilliant light, free of cost.
Or the inventor might make a con-
tract, and then pocket the money
and leave the work undone, or hawk
his agreement about Europe in order
to find profitable customer for it,
Net0 York Times.
One of the handsomest and best
dressed gentlemen In the city, Is a
worthy merchant, whose great per-
sonal care of himself and bis addic-
ton to fine living have procured him
rotundity which, while 1t detracts
nothing from his looks, utterly con-
ceals from his own inspection his ex-
tremities. This circumstance was
on Friday morning the occasion of to
him notifying exposure, whilst
Others looked upon it as an amusing
spectacle. Before breakfast he inva-
riably takes a morning walk, and his
urbanity and polite recognation are
looked for by early pedestrians with
pleasure.
Dressing himself. therefore, with
great care, he sailed out but, strange
to say, every one he met turned their
heads and laughed, and some laSies