Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-06-25
Annlorana.


0aSANnsru waters brides tears.
A SKY iARk-iioing up in balloon.
The oldest woman's clsb--the broom stick.
WitES is a lady's neck not neck2 When
1t Is little bear
WHY is bob.tailed horse Ike one chap
ter story? Because its tail is not continued. /
A joyous smile adds an hour to ones life,
abearifelt laugh, day, a grin, uota moment.
The abode OF Miss Ann rhropy The Man
shun-house.
wnr is a prudent man Ike pin? Because
his head prevents him going too far.
WAR did blind wood saver take to re-
store bis sight? He took his horse and saw.
TIE husband who is two feet taller than
his wife can easily overlook her shortcomings.
BE- always at leisure to do good, never make
business an excuse to decliRe Offices of
humanity.
PArER and twiue are now made Of wood.
Imagine package done up with cord Of
wood.
GlaLs sometimes put their lips out pouiing
ly because they are angry, and sometimes be
cause they are disposed to meetyou halfway.
A FAcErloUs philosopher says that a brisk
walk win kili the blues in less time than you
can slaughter obtaiIed fly with a fat iron.
a sensible man viii be remembered loug
after the butfoon who SETS the table in roar
Is forgotten.
You are a free. booter, said gentleman
! to an enraged party who kicked him, in the
/ heat Of an argument.
i THINK our church viii last good many
years yet, said waggish deacon to his
minister, Il see the sleepsrs are very sound.
Nnsr's the difference between water and
whisky: Men sIip on the former when it is
frozen, and on the latter when itisn't
81 nIspIsE mankind, said an arrogant mil
lionaire 10 a noted clergyman. II see you
have studied your own nature deeply" was
the quiet reply
IS Cork, Ireland, short time ago, the
crier Of the court endeavored to clear it by
exc'aiming, IAN ye blackguards that isn't
lawyears, lave the coort.
"NT dear, said an effectionate spouse to
her husband, am not your only treasure 2'
eyes, was the cool reply, "aud | would
Willingly lay II up in heaven.
HIS who seeks to increase the quantity of
his lands BIZ prosecuting grouudless claims,
viii probably soon find himself as groundless
as his claims.
Some cne has said that 1T is sweet to have
friends you can trust. but We have found it
to be a good bit sweeter to have friends that
| viii trust you.
forsG lady in Montgomery, ala , who
was caught smoking cigar, gave as her
reason for the act, that it made it smell as
though there was a man around -
What have you 10 remark, sir, about my
oratory?' once ask ed a vain public speaker
Of John Randolph. ''Noth ng. sir; it is not
remarkable quietly replied the merciless
wit
/ PATRICK, said lady to a slip OF Green
Erin who was officiating in the kitchen,
''where is Bridger' Indeed, ma am, she
fast aseep, lookin at the bread bakin'"
A GESrLEnAN popped the question. The
lady in frightened manner said, You scare
me, sir. The gentleman remained quiet for
some time, when she exclaimed. Scare ME
again.
LucE AID LABOR. Luck lies ia bed, aud
wishes The postman would bring him news Of
new legacy. Labor turns out at six o clock,
and, with busy pen or wringing hammer, lays
the foundation ofa competence.
A roUNG lady being asked by a feminine
acquaintance whether she had any original
poetry in her album, replied; mo; but some
Of my friends have favored me with original
spelling
TnE Excise Commissioners are complained
of for being cross grained but there is no
doubt about their cross eyes-that IS their
X-eyes texercise,)
ADYwS East girl, being bauiered once by
some Of her frmale friends in regard to her
lover, who had the misfortune to have but one
/ leg, replied Pooh I wouldn't have man
with two legs-they're too common.
/ A TRAVELLER in Pennsylvania last summer
asked MS landlord if he had any cases Of sun
stroke ia that town. ''No, sir, said the
landlord If man gets drunk here, We say
he is drums, and never call it by any other
name"
The Poet Longfellow, at a party ia Boston
asked French gentleman, who happened to
De present, why he SCENE / so sad and unhap-
py at taat moment? To which the latter re-
piled, Me very mosh dissatisfy Ne Just
hear det my fadere be dead p
Jrsr So.-"At what rate that girls
tongue is going 81 said lady, looking com
placsn'y at her daughter, who was discussing
some subject of apparent interest with hand
some young clergyman. yes, replied a
neigtbor her lounge is going at the cu-rate. -
You eau Judge of mans religion very
we'll by hearing his talk, but you can't Judge
Of his picty by what he says any more than
you can Judge Of his amount Of linen by the
stickout Of his collar aud wristbands.
"JENSIE," said venerable Scotchman 10
his daughter, who was asking his consent to
accompany her urgent and favored suitor to
the altar, Jennie, it's very solemn thing
to get married. - 81 know it, father, replied
the sensible damsel, ''but it's good deal
solemuer not to get married.
a Dutchman was once remarking his mar
gelous escape from drowning when thirteen
OF his companions were lost by the upsetting
Of boat, and he alone was saved.
And how did you escape their fate p
81 I'D not go in te potel' was the dutch.
man placid answer