The Portland daily press., 1869-09-20
Terms $500 per amman, in adrance.

century, gotten up like the ragtag and bobtail
III the purlieus of New York! For shame !
mehem6er your ancestorsi Recall their
TiShty ueedsl Remember Uncas land Red
Croaior, Tand M e-in-the-Day land Horace
S,,I ,ie1, Emulate their achievements! I'm
iu iuii ycuIseii under my banner, noble sayaoes
| llustrious guttersnpes-D S~''
down wild him!'
Scoop the blagyardw
"Hang himw
Burn himw
"Drownd himw
II was the quickest operation that ever was.
| simply saw sudden flash in the air of
clubs, brickbats, fists, bead baskets and moe
casins-a single flash, and they all appeared
to hit me at once, and no two of them in the
same place. In the next instant the entire
tribe was upon me, They tore all the clothes
OIL me, they broke my arms and legs, they
gave me thump that dented the top OF my
llead tlll it would hold coffee like a saucer;
anu 10 crown their disgraceful proceedings
and add insult to injury, they threw me over
the Horseshoe Fall and got wet
About ninety or hundred feet from the
top, the remains of my vest caught on a pro-
jecting rock and | was almost drowned before
| could get loose. | finally fell and brought
UP in world of white foam at the foot of the
Fall, whose celled and bubbly masses lowered
up several inches above my head. OF course
got into the eddy. sailed round and round
in it forty-four times-chasing chip aud
gaining on teach round trip halt mile
reaching for the same bush on the bank
forty-Iour times, and just exactly missing 1t
by hairs-breadth every time. AT last man
walked down and sat down close to that bush,
and put pipe in his mouth, and lit match,
and followed me with one eye and kept the
other on the match while he sheltered it in
his hands from the wind. Presently puff of
wind blew it out. The next time / swept
around he said:
"Got a match?"
"Yes-m my other vest. Help me out
please"
mot for joe
"When came around again said
"Excuse the seemingly impertinent curiosi-
ty of drowning man, but will you explain
this singular conduct of yours? ?"
"With pleasure. | am the Coroner. Don't
hurry on my account. ! can wait for you.
But wish / had match"
l said: "Take my place and III go and get
you one."
He declined. This lack of confidence on
his part created a GOODNESS between us, and
from that time forward L avoided him. 1t
was my idea, in case anything happened to
me, TO so time the occurrence as to throw my
custom into the hands of the opposition coro-
ner over On the American side. AT last po-
liceman came along and arrested me ior dis
turbing the peace by yelling at people on shore
for help. The Judge fined me, but had the
advantage of him, My money was with my
pantaloons, andmy pantaloons were with the
Indians. ..
Thus l escaped. 1 am now lying in a very
critical condition. At least l am lying, any
way-critical or not critical.
am hurt all over, but cannot cell the full
extent yet, because the doctor is not done
taking the inventory. He will make out my
manifest this evening However, thus far he
thinks only six of my wounds are fatal. L
don't mind the others. ... .....
Upon regaining my right mind. l said:
"It is an awfully savage tribe OF Indians
that do the bead work and moccasins for Nj
agara Falls, doctor. Where are they fromw
Limerick, my SON."
1 shall not be able to finish my remarks
about Niagara Falls until get better. :
MARK TWAIN.