The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1869-07-29
sutLo,enxood's Shirt.


You know boards with Bill Carr, at
his cabin on the mountains, and pays for
such as gifts when hev money and for
SIGH as gifts when i hevent any, why
he takes one third out on me cussin,
and she, that's his wife Bets, takes out
tother two-thirds with her battlin stick,
and the interest with her tongue, and
the interests more'n the principle
beap more. She is the cussedest woman
lever seed ANYHOW for jaw-and pride.
She can scold blister onto bulls face
right on the curl in two minutes-and
pattern after every fashion she hears
tell on from bnssels to britches. Oh
she's one on 'em, and sometimes two or
three.
Well you see, | got some cstton truck
TO make new shirt outeD, and coaxed
Bets 10 make it, and about the time 1t
was done here comes lawyer johnson
along aud axed for breakfast wish IL
had piseued him, durn his hide, and l
wonder it didn't, for she cooks awful
mixins when she tries. I'm pisen proof
mycelf, (holding up his flask and peep
ing through it, or I'd been dead long
ago.
Well, while we were eatin, she spied
out that his shirt was stiff and mighty
sick; 50 she never rested till she wor-
RED 1t outen hun that preparation Of
tlour did il, and she got a few partlcu-
lars about the proceedings outer him,
and set in and billed big pot OF paste
nigh onto peck of it-and sOused IN
nv shirt and let it soak aw hile; then she
tuck it and ironed it out fiat and dry,
and sot il up on its edge agin the cabin
in the sun. Thar it stood as stiff as
dry boss hide, and it ratified like sheet
of iron-it did. lie were paste together
all over When | come TO dinner nothin
would do but | must put it on. Well
Bets and me got the thing open after
some hard work, she pullIn at one OF
the tails and me at tother, and got
into it. Durn the internal new tangle led
shirt, say. / felt like had crawled
into bee gum and it full of ants; but
il war like lawyer Johnson's5 and
stood it like man, and went to work to
build Bets an ash hopper. | worked
powerful hard, and sweat like boss,
and when the shirt got wet it quit its
hnrtn.
Artur got dun l took about four fin
gers of red eve and crawled up into the
cabin TO take snooze.
Web when walked up l thought l
was dead or had the cholera, for all the
jints could move war my ankle, wrist
and knees-could not even move my
head or skasly wink my eye-the cussed
shirt was pasted fast onto me all over,
from the ends of the tail to the pints OF
the broadaxe collar over my ears. III
sot to me as close as hide to poor
cow in March. lstraiued and squlrmeo
till sorter got it broke at the shoulder
and elbows, and then done the durndes'
foolishest thing ever done in these
mountains. shuffled my britches OF
aud tore loose from my hide about two
inches of the tail all around in much
pain and tribulation. Oh! but it did
hurt Then tuck up plask inter the
left and hung my legs down through the
hole and nailed the edge of the front
tail to the floor before me, and the hind
tail nailed TO the plank l sot on.
unbuttoned the collar and wristbands
raised my eyes, said grace AID then
jumped to the ground nOor.
Here Sut remarked sadly:
George, I'm darnder tool than ever
dad was, boss, hornets and all. I'll
drown myself some of these days, see II
don't"
well, go on, Sut; did the shirt come
otff"
II think 1T did! hearn noise
sorte like tearin a single roof Oft Nv a
house all at wonst, and felt like my
bones were all that reached the floor.
staggered to my feet, and took look at
my shirt. The nails had hilt their holt
and thar il was hangiu, arms down, in
side out, as stiff as ever. 1t looked like
the map of Mexico just after one of the
first battles-a patch of hide, just about
the size of dollar and s.half bill here
bunch of bar; then skin; and so on al
over that darned tangled everlastin in
fernal cuss of shirt. 1t was q pictur,
to look at--aud so was /. The hide. hal
and paste were about equally divided
between me and it. Wonder what Bet
darn her-thot when she come hone
and found me missiR. Spsct she think
Icraw led into thicket and died IF m!
wounds. 1t must have scared her good
for tell you it looked like the skin o
wild beast torn off alive, or a bag tina
had covered load of fresh beef HON,
from shooting match.
Durn lawyer johnson and his sllci