The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1869-06-30
The Cote,
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

The cote IL koarse woolled sheep.
They have split hoof and whole
tail.
They have good appitite and a SEN
guine digestion.
They swallo what they eat and will
eat emmy thing they kan bite.
Their moral karacters are not pol
lished.
They had rather steal rotten tur-
nip out Of a garbage box than tew cum
honestly bi PEEK ov otes.
The male cote has two horns on the
ridge ov his he'd and a mustash on his
bottum lip, and il the plug ugly of his
naborhood.
A maskulind cote will fite ennything.
from an elephant down to his shadder
on ded wall.
They strike from their but-end, in
sted ov from the shoulder, and are az
likely tew hit az hammer IL nail
he'd.
They are hi seasoned animal, as
much so as a pound Of ascifidity.
They are faithful critters, and will
stick tew a friend az long az he lives
in shanty.
They kan kline ennythiny but a
greast pole, and kno the way up a rock
az natural az woodbine.
They are az certain tew rise az young
ones, sum familys are half gotes and
the other half children. They are good
eating when they are young, but they
leave it oph az they get stronger.
They are alwus poor in the boldly,
but phatt IN the stumick, what they eat
seems to all go to appetight. Yu mite
az we'll agree to pbatt an injun rubber
over-shoe bi filing it with kiam shells,
az tew raise emmy adipoze membrane
J on the outside bust ov cote.
A phatt cote would be literary
curiosity.
They use the same dialekt az the
, sheep, and the yuug ones speak the
Language more fuently than the pari-
) ents do.
t There il only two animals ov the
earth that will eat tobakko-one il q
I man and luther is cote, but the cote
understands it most, for he swallers thu
spit, chaw and all.
The male cote, when he il pensiv, i;
a venerable and philosophic looking
e old cuss, and wouldn't make a bad pro
u lessor of arithmetick in some of on
colleges.
; They are handy at living a long time
: reaching an advanced age without ar
n irving at emmy definite konklusion.
How long cote lives without givin!
o it up, there is no man now old enutf t.
e tell.
u Methuzeler, if his memory was bal
o at forgetting, might give good size
n guess, but unfortunately for scienc
n and this essa, Methuseler amt here.
Gotes will live in emmy klimate, an
l. on emmy vittles, except tanbark, and
l. they ever cum to a square death, it is
i. profound sekret, in the hands of a few
5 to this day.
t. wouldn't like to beleave emmy ma
- under oath wi o had ever seen mas
u, kuline cote actually die, and stay so.
Speaking ov Methuzeler put me
W mind ov the fackt, if a man should liv
m now daze az mulch as he did, he woul
&c hav to hav an addishun built onto til
t, back ov hiz head tew stow away thing
T. into.
The female cote il either the mothe
Ia or sister, or cuzzin ov the male got
ne ackording tew the prevailing circun
ne stansis in the case, or else, labor u,
m der delusion, l forget witch.
ID They Civ milk intuitively about
ne quart, before it il watered, in twel,
ds hours, which il the subjickt ov nourisl
TO ment, in various ways.
IS This milk, which IL extrakted fro
n the female cote, il excellent tew finis
ag up young ones on, but IL apt tew NAL
," them bellycose and fightful. =.
he 1t liz not unkomon for babe, viii
mt inhaling this pugnashus fluid, to |
yo oph his left col1eCkshun or digit al
RS ketch the nurse on the pinnakle ov Il
nd smeller, and tap it for claret.
'al This il kommon fackt among Iri
IN babes, and explains the reason viii,
'ty after life, these same babes makes SUI
nd brilliant hits.
nd In writing the history ov the ma
re- and famale cote tew adorn the pages
ne futer times, fiatter miself that ! hi
I'LL stuck tew the truth, and haven't &
lowed mi imagipashun to boss the jC
lai A CRATE menny ov our best bilt hist
De riars are apt tew mistake opynuns
IN facts, this is an eazy mistake tew mal
Try but when strike a goose, or bed big
led or cote; you motto one thing, | st
me with them.--Finis.