Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-02-05


The first apple was eaten by tie
first pair.
Brick Pomeroy calls his short para
graphs. "Red Hot entots."
| II topper and gallon of whiskcy
were left together which would bt
drunk first?
An English paper has discovered
/ that the United States contains 1885,.
800, 600 hens.
1t is stated that trained dogs are
about to he introduced into New
York, to hold up ladies long dresses
on wet days.
Morton knocked Mr.. Greely's hat
quite over his eyes, but it hid his
face, and so improved his appearance.
boston Post.
1t seems no more than right that
men should seize time by the fore
lock, for the old Teller sooner or later
pulls all their hair out.
1t is n general remark that all
classes of persons are ready to give
their opinions. The lawyers must he
excepted--they sell theirs.
Mamma, mamma cried n little
boy, when the sun set g0rgeously red
one Christmas eve, see how hot
heaven is over there. Santa Claus is
baking, guess.
A Frenchman, wishing to speak of
the cream of the English poets, for
got the words, and said de butter of
. poets A wag said he fairly churned
the English language.
A Washington correspondent says
that 1.-The falling of small icicie
from IA little Niger boys nose would
have made more report than the is
sue of A. J.'s proclamation"
A gentleman just returned to this
country from n tour in Europe
was asked how he liked the ruins Of
.pompeii. Not very WELL was the
reply. they are SO much out of re-
pair
Because conductor on n New
York street car absolutely refused TO
admit more passengers into the full
car. the fourteen gentlemen wedged
upon the rear platform applauded
him.
A gentleman travelling on a steam
er, one day at dinner was making
way with II large pudding close by,
when he was told by Il servant that
it was dessert. 1t matters not TO
me, said he, Il would eat it if it were
Il Wilderness
The Baraboo Independent says the
following notice was taken off Il tree
in one of the towns of that county:
Motifs Of straid caf that came onto
the premises of the ouer about the 3
of september iC is red caf with q
wife face and line bak.,
1t is related of the Miss Foote whe
has just married Senator Henderson,
that once when she aud her sister
went 10 party with their uncle,
Senator Foote, grammatical servant
of the Uiberian persuasion ann0unc-
ed: "SinatOr Foot and the two
Misses Feet"
a noted politician was once assert
ing his entire Indifference to the
opinions of lis opponents. and their
personal abuse. "Why," said he, "a
man iikened me the other day to Ju-
das lscariot. but don't care" Yes
said hystunder, but how does Ju-
das feel about it ~
An exchange says: "Our member
Of Congress is sort smart Of chap,
and is doing himself credit. He has
already got Off two speeches prepared
for him, ground seven of the District
axes, feathered his nest freely, and
promised to marry the prettiest wild
ow in town." An active and invalu-
able member.
Papa, said little boy TO his father
the other day, ARE not sailors very
small men?'
NO, my dear answered the father;
what leads you to suppose that they
are so small?'
Because replied the young idea,
smartly, Il renl the other day of II
sailor going to sleep in his watch
The following remarkable adver
tisement recently appeared in daily
paper: Liberal reward will be given
for any information of i H,
about feet = inches high, who came
from Jersey on 20th inst, with load
OF hay and pair of horses, sorrel
mare, white face, gave milk, blind
bay horse, who has not been heard
of since. Any information received
by -, Germantown Road"
A darkry in Natchez was Boosting
to grocer of the cheapness of ten
pounds of sugar he hnd fought at n
rival store. LET me weigh the
package" said tie grocer. The
darkey assented, and it was found
two pounds short. The coI"red gem
tieman looked perplexed for mo.
ment. and then said: Guess he
didn't cheat dis child much; for
while he was gettin' de sugar stole
two pair of Shoes"
A doctor was very much ANNOYED
by All old lady who always stopped
hin Oh the street to tell over her all.
nents. Once she met him when he
was in a great hurry.