North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1869-06-02

amongst the advertisements we read that
1.-TWO sisters want washing" Mr..
johnson asks: :" Whose ass have
taken ?" No prominent member of the
Radical party is missing that we know
of......A New Hampshire Daniel, come
to judgment, has decided that language
which does not embrace the name of
God is not legal swearing. 1T was an
apt answer of a young lady, who, being
asked where was her native place, re-
piled: 81 have none; l am the daugh-
ter of Methodist minister" ......".An
urchin, on being rebuked for wearing
out his stocking at the toes, replied that
it couldn't be helped, toes wiggled
and heels didn't" ..,....".A negro wo-
man who was fixing" up to be bap-
tized at Athens, GA, on Sunday, was
arrested for stealing clothes to wear dur
ing the baptismal ceremony.-......The
late Earl of Glasgow was a genial fellow.
During one of his sprees, he threw a
hotel waiter out of a chamber window
and told the landlord to ''put him in his
bill" 500. Here is another oldest mason:
David Eaton, of Giles county, Virginia.
is pronounced the oldest Freemason in
the world. He became Knight Tenn
plar on February Z, 1890. Who is
next The Union Pacific Railroad
announce reduction on freight between
Omaha and Cheyenne, of forty cents
per one hundred pounds, on the first,
second and third classes.......A student
at the Cornell University, in rendering
an account to his father of his last terms
expenses, entered as an item, 'sCharity,
$780," His father wrote back, IL fear
that charity covers multitude of sins"
Queen Victoria's daughter, Beatrice,
is inclined to be pert. On the death of
the Archbishop Of Canterbury, the va
cant seat was sought by several bishops,
among them by the Bishop of Oxford,
who visited the Queen at Windsor. On
his way to the royal apartments he was
met on the stairs by Beatrice, who ac-
costed him thus: elias your lordship
come to see about the Archbishopric of
Canterbury? You have no chance at
all. Her Majesty won't have you at
any price" ......A Chicago reporter who
attended spring opening of fashionable
millinery, says Of it: "a cabbage leaf
trimmed with three red peppers and a
dried cherry sells for $35. 1t is called
Jockey has one great advantage-can
be eaten as salad when the fashion
changes. One composed of three signs
and bit of pink colored fog was consi-
dered cheap at s55.. There was
thoroughness about practical joking in
the middle ages. When Pope Adrian
died, the Roman people, who hated and
despised him, determined to testify their
pleasure at the event. They therefore
adorned the door of his physicians
house with garlands, adding this in
scription "To the deliverer OF his coun-
try" ~...... Disgraceful proceedings took
place recently at Falmouth, England,
where young woman was buried with
extreme ritualistic ceremony, headed by
twelve foot cross. Incense was used
in the church, the rector meantime
kneeling at the coffin. The service was
interrupted by groans from large mob,
mingled with Kisses and laughter. A
scuff1e followed, in which the rector's
surplice was torn. Don Piatt thus
blackly paints Commodore Vanderbilt
dressed in plain black, with white
choker, one would have taken his tall
portly person for that of a respectable
Episcopal minister, had not look at
his face cleared him Of that suspicion
His small, sharp eyes glitter like a
snakes. His nose is the cruel beak of
hawk, while his lips are the personif-
cation of sensuality. Heaven help the
man or woman who has to approach that
face for mercy..... An aged, gray-haired
and decrepid Lotharia recently eloped
from Mississippi village with nice
young girl of fifteen, but the telegraph
stopped the couple at New Orleans.
When informed at the police station
that the old fellow had wife and fami-
ly already, II know that" replied the
little beauty, "but, you see, they don t
treat him well, and he's got the rheu-
matism and the asthma, and he's got
failing in the back !; and you see, sir, l
sorter pitied him, and he and me con-
cluded we'd come away and live by our
selves" They do things differently
in England than in this country. A
few days since clerk in the Admiralty
agreed with contractor to get him
contract for furnishing timber, for EDO.
The thirty pounds were paid, and the
contract was procured, but the plot be-
ing discovered, the clerk and his accom-
plice were convicted of procuring money
under false pretences, and sentenced to
eighteen months, imprisonment at hard
labor! Now, in this country, that clerk
would have been commended for his
sharpness, and been rewarded with the
first promotion. 49,. An Indiana paper
tells this story of a jealous mother. She
had several children when she married
her present husband, who was then a
widower, likewise blessed with large
flock. Not long ago, leading in family
prayer, the good old man asked for bless
ings on his own children, but did not
particularly refer to those of his wife. |
The mother had, however, been watch
full, and as soon as deyotions were over
mentioned the omission. A slight quar-
rel followed at the close Of which the
old lady hit her husband on the head
with a. fire shovel, and since that time
there has been no discrimination.
The London Times speaks in the follow
ing terms Of the completion Of the Pacific
Railroad:
"In whatever light we choose to regard