The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-08-05
Wit and Hak73lO7e.

When is a young lady sweetest When
she's just rose.
The bachelor geologist is acquainted with
all rocks except Crock the cradle''
Some ladies use paint as fddlers do rosin-
to aid them in drawing beau
The individual who was content that this
life should be linked with crime, has found a
strong chain round his leg.
The poor fellow who couldn't hold his
own" has got himself into worse difficulty
by trying to keep another's
What is stronger in death than in life ?
An old yellow legged hen. IF you don't be
lieve it, try to dissect one after boiling
Josh Billings says: "Give the devil his
DUE reads we'll enought in proverb; but
mi friend, what will become Nv me and you if
the arrangement is carried out 2"
A friend Observing lady about to pur-
chase sTire palpitator at one of our fashion
able shops, was heard to remark that she was
about laying the wires for new campaign.
A witness in court, being interrogated as
to his knowledge of the defendant in the
case, said he knew. him intimately we'll l.: che
had supped with him, sailed with him, and
horsewhipped him."
The pulse of young ladies generally beats
stronger IN the palm of the hand than at the
wrist This curious fact in physiology has
s. been frequently observed by young men of an
investigating turn of mind
wise old gentleman, who knew all about
it, on retiring from business, gave the follow
ing sage advice to his son and successor =
''Common sense, my son, is valuable in all
kinds of business except love making"
"Herc's your money, dolt, and now tell me
why your rascally master wrote eighteen let
tiers about that contemplate sum" "I'm
sure, sir, | can't say, but if you'll excuse me,
sir, sort o reckon twas because seventeen
didn't fetch It,"
The man who was lately "struck with a
new thought y has concluded to overlook the
act, 1t being the first time, and there is little
danger OF repetition of the offence.
When young lady offers to hem cam
brio handkerchief for rich bachelor. she
means to sew in order that she may reap.
MAKING HIS BREAD-A gentleman hav-
ing occasion to call on a solicitor, found him
in his office, which was very hot. He re-
marked the great heat of the apartment, and
said, C it was as hot as an oven" 80 it
ought to be-" replied the lawyer, for tits
here make my bread"
Doctor, what do you think is the matter
with my little boy?
Why, it's only corrustifcd excgesis anti
systematically emanating from the germ of
the animal refrigerator reducing a prolific
source OF irratability in the pericranial cpl
dermis of the mental profundity
All! that's what told Betsy, but she low |
ed it was wurrums
A few days ago, a tall, lank specimen of
man walked into a store in San Antonio and
asked to be shown some shirts A number
Of boxes were taken down for his inspection.
and one attracting his eye more than the
others, he asked what kind they were The
clerk answered, "They are the Royal Eagle
shirt, sir" ''Thc Loyal League shirt! The
devil ! fit in the Confedracy, did :" and
the indignant customer walked out of the
store. ....7
An Iowa orator, wishing to describe his CD
ponent as a soulless man, said % have
heard that some persons hold the opinion
that, just at the precise moment after one hu-
man being dies. another is born and the soul
enters and animates tho newborn babe
Now | have made particular and extensive
inquiries concerning my opponent thar, and :
find that, for some hours before he drew ]
breath, nobody died. Fellow citizens, will
now leave you to draw the Inference"
n
JUVENILE PR EcocITY.-A little boy about J
six years of age having been told by his A
mother that it was impolite for children when fl
listing other peoples houses, to ask for cakes 5
md other things which they might see pre-
,arlng, improved on the lesson as follows -
jaillng~ at house in the neighborhood where
good woman was making cake, and which
&c eyed very wistfully, at last he said "Moth Il
says It's not polite to ask for cake" "Nov II
Ias the reply, +" it does not look well for lt- =
o boys TODD So" "But," said the urchin p,
She didn't say must rot eat piece in case
9u gave it to me-" 1t is needless to add "