The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-09-16
i How I" sut,' Dosed His. Dog.

When l were a, boy and my legs not longe.
than John Wentworth s, dad fetched home a
burned wurthless, NANCY, flee bitten. gray old
fox houn, good for nothin but to swalcr UP
what orter lined the stomach of his brats.-
WE'LL naturally took distast for him, and
had a sort of hankerin arter hurtin his feel
ing, dIscomtortin ov him every time dad S
back was turned. This sorter KEEP big skeer
alters after his eyes, and orful vel ready to
pour out at the fust moshun heseed me make
So he larnt to swaller things as he run, and
alters kept his laigs ondcr himself, for he nev-
er knowed how soon he might want to use EN-
in totin his infurnal carcuss beyond the reach
Of a flying rock He knowed the whiz of a
rock in moshun WE'LL and he never stopped to
see who flung it, but just let his head fly open
tugin howl room to cum, and set his laigs
gwin the way his nose happened to be a
pintin. He'd shy around every rock he seed
in the road, for he looked upon EN- as calaal
ity tn cum arter him sum dey. 1 tell you,
Georgia, that runnin am the greatest inter
venshun on earth when used kefrfully.-
Wizard l been by this ere time eff / hadu' t
relied on these ere laigs? Dye see cm
Don't they mind you ov pair of compussus
made tn divide mile into quarter? They'll
do. so ssG ass3 gear
Well, one day I tuck pigs bladder nj
ontu the size ov ducks aig, and filed it with
powder and corked it up with peece ov spuuk
fire, and flung it out; he swallowed it at a
gerk, and sot intu getting away from doing
it. hearn noise like Dustin somethin, and
his tail lit on top ov my hat. His he'd were
away down the hill, and had tuck deth hold
onter a root. His forelaigs were fifty yards
up the road maken runnin moshuns, and his
hine ones straddil ov fence As to the
dog hisself, as dog, never seed him again.
Well dad. durn his onsanctifed SOUL flung.
five orsix hundred onder my shurt with the
dried hide ov a'bul's tail, and gin me the re-
nlainder the next day with a Vaughn whip
what he borrowed from a feller while he wur
watering his bosses; the waggoner ;gotssorry
fur me. and hollered tn me tuturn my begin
and squalling inter fustratc runnin. which I
emejutely did, thank tn these ham strings,
and the last lick missed me about ten foot,
iSat Lovengood's Revelations III Il sssss ri.
--------~ 81 vi.
JOSH BILLINGS .PAPERs.-A SANDER is
like hornet, if you can't kill it dead the
first blow, you better not strike at it.
Politeness is shrcwd way folks have of
fattering themselves. I.sals s75 /. sac
Il make this distinction between character
and reputdtion-r reputation is what the world
tsinhs. of us, character is what the world
knoaos of us. 4i4, III 7eqI
What ridiculous farce it is to be continu-
ally on the hunt for peace and quiet. s.a I,
No man ever yet increased his reputation
by contradicting lies.
Anxiety always steps on itself IS
Silence, like darkness, is generally safe.e
There is only two things that I. know of
that man won't Drag Of, one is Icing and the
other is jealousy
1t takes brains to make a smart man, but
good luck often makes famous one
Opinions are like other vegetables, worth
just what they will fetch. s.7
think most men would rather be charged
with malice than with making blunder.
Love cuts up all sorts of monkey shines,
it makes fool sober and wise man frisky
don't believe in total depravity; every
man has something IN him to show that, G cd |
made him. ~,
Isuppose that one reason that the road to
ruin D is broad, is to accommodate h. great
t-avel in that direction. al
A humbug is like bladder, good for moth
ng until it is blowed up, and then amt cool
or nothing after it is prikcd
A big nose is laid to be a sign of genius
mans genius lays in his nose, would
ay the sign is a good one.
Vanity is seldom malicious.
A woman (like an ocho) will have the last
vordl A3s atla 5ft>e H ~
Put an Englishman into the garden of
eden, and he would find fault with the whole
'lasted concern-put Yankee in. and~he
will see where he could alter it to ADVANTAGE
put an lrlshman in, and he would want to
oss the thing-put, Dutchman in, and he
you'd proceed at once to plant cabbage. If
Let your appetite always come unlimited q
a richly dressed lady stopped little bow
rudsng along with basket, and asked - r
NV little boy. have you got religion2Y' mo /
lasi. said the Innocent {" We got potatoes -