Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-08-06
ITtglllOr.

--Drowning men and lovers Of juleps. e. b
He that is good will be better, and he that
is bad, worse fer virtue, vice, ana time
never stop MEf8 f#f 15bIf 81
Corn bread 2 said an Irish waiter -
I'VE havnt gotit an isn't it corn beat ye
name 2" -r.--~r
Stiggins, the new married man, says his
wife is a perfect rose The only drawback
to his happiness is, that she blows out per-
haps leetlo" ia often. er- etenr5
.sMr. Smith, wish to speak to you in
private. Permit nit me to take you apart
for a few moments" Certainly, sir, if
you'll promise to put me together again
A well-known physician used to say that
roast beef, serenity Of mind, cold water baths,
and an amiable wife, would make almost
any man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
What should young man carry with him
when calling upon his afianccd? Affection
in his heart, perfection in his manners, and
CONNECTION in his pockets
In Chicago husbands are said to be SO
fearful of curtain lectures, that they add to
their announcement Of future movements the
letters Nv, p" WHICH means wife per-
hitting 49sas sl ~ es--iaUa
Josh Billings defines a ''thurrer5red bizl-
ness man" rs "wun that knows enuf about
stealiu' SO there kant anybody steel from him,
and enough about law SO that he kin do his
stealth legally qsIfe az1f
ALwAYs-C Dickens says he can
always Judge of the character of a hotel or
restaurant by 40 inspection of the castor.
The mustard pot and Gil ernit are inf,lliblc
tests.
A person was asked why he did not take
newspaper Because" said he. my
father, when he died, left me a good many
newspapers. and | haven't read them
through yet" He afteyards became q
psuper.
A Wise old gentleman, who knew all
about it, on retiring from business, gave the
following sage advice to his son and sue
cessor: Common sense, my son is valu-
able in all kinds of business--except love
making"
Ga a certain occasion of an eclipse in Vir-
ginia colored individual became greatly
clated = - - - = e.. "a &. = : ~ q
''Bress de lord !' said he. ''de nigger's
time hab come at last, and now we's gwine
TO hab black SUM- I!l1<i#Rb.}
An Irish emigrant, hearing the sunset gun
at Portsmouth, asked q sailor whats
that p why. that's sunset" was the re-
ply ''Sunsetw exclaimed Pat; land does
the sun go down in this country With such
bang as that 2 .r- -, sf.es aass5a ~
The ability Of the female tongue to keep
secret is proved by the conduct of St.
Johns girl, who did not tell her lover that
she was worth four millions in her own right
until after the marriage But who will be-
lievc that he didn't know it?
A beautiful young lady was kissing and
csressing her little lap-dog;
''Ah, Maria! y exclaimed her foppish ad
mirer, "why not grant me the favor you are
wasting on Fido p Il don't kiss every pup.
py," replied the pouting fair one. s
Judy gives this conversation: Magistrate
--EWcll, Patrick, what have you to say
about stealing the pig p Patrick" Well,
y'r honnor-r, ye see. it was jist this: The pig
tux upon him to shleep in my bit sf gar
dea for tkree nights, y'r honnor-r, and list
sayzed him for the rnt!' aer
Said a Baptist 10 Methodist: / don't
like your church government. It isn't SIM
pie enough. There's too much machinery
about it," "It is true" replied the Metho-
dist, I'VE have more machinery than you !;
but then, you see, it don't take near SO much
water to run it." tu-.t n-f4~&aeg,
A GRAVE JoKE.-Somc wag took drunk
en- fellow, placed him in Is coffin, with. the
lid so that he could raise It, placed it in a
graveyard, and waited to see the effect -
After short time the fumes of the liquor
left him. and bis position being rather con-
fined, iae sat upright, and after looking
around. exclaimed, wal, [ am the first
that's rig or else am confounledly bella
ted" GA@i l-2 &45sE sSg = 'as,'A
A few days ago. a tall, lank specimen of
man walked into store in San Antonio
and asked to be shown some shirts. A
number Of boxes were taken down for his
inspection, and one attracting his eve more
than the others, he asked what kind they
were. The clerk answered, "They are the
Royal Eagle shirt, sir % 1.-The Loyal League
shirt The devil fit for the Confederacy. :,
did" and tho indignant customer walked
out Of the store iT' J, ~ jt'.t d<L@}f
sHAkr Ca1LD.-'sP.," asked roguesh
little girl Of her father; ''pa, can YOU tell
me what the Arabs of the desert live on ~
Fudge, Nellie! that's an old conundrum.
They live on the sand which is (sandwiches)
there )3 1915 Z
"Yes; but how do they get them?'
why, really, Nellcy; you have me there.
I give it up" ia! 10 8Sd<1AfN
WAY. pa, you know that the sons of
Ham are bred and mustered in the yider.
ness" ff+ u s.A+'s'5A AI 5'}1 q
Come. come. u,y daughteri that is too
killing. Don't say another word.'
''Oh. yes! do tell me what they eat on
their Sandwiches"
What they cat on, them. Why-what
.lo they eat on them p
Butter, to be sure" IN alt-li
Butter Why, how do they get their
butter, pray" reso-
why. you know, pa, that when Lots
wife was turned into pillar Of salt, sall
the family but her ran into the wilder