Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1869-04-23
HUMORsOME.


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Why is pawnbroker like drunkard, Be
keep it.
teacher was explaining to a little girl the
meaning Of the word g cuticle'' % " hat Is
that all over my face and hands - said he
" 1t $ freckles, SIR" answered the little eheTub
Howto make a noise in religious cireles-Walk
into church late with pair of creaking boots,
blowing your nose violently.
When Haddock's wife kicked bim out of bel.
said he ." Look here now, you'd better not
/ do that again if you doit will cause coldness
in the family
What is the difference between the outer wall
of a bridge and two nice young ladies. The
one is a parapet, and the others is pair Of pets
of course.
A mean pun-for a man to lay bold Of lady's
black hair; and apologize by saying be thought
he was pulling belle knob.
A traveller stopped at an inn in a ueighbor-
ing village, and finding the landlord and laud-
lady lighting, cried out. - Halloo. who keep
this house, The wife replied, e That's just
what we are trying to decide. -
'' How do you get on with arithmetict p
asked a father Of his little boy. '' Oh. papa -
exclaimed the delighted youngster, " I've c.
phered through addition, partition. Subtraction,
distraction abomiuation, Justification, haliuc.ua-
tion, and amputa.ion''
\ young man from the country went to a drug
store the other day, and seeing people fr,ely
patrOnlzng the soda fountain. at length steppel
up and called for drink Of. that ere 's for l,n-
self After swallowing the foaming contents Of
the glass. and laying his money with a satisfied
air upon the counter, he said ' Mister, Whist
do you call that that bi . sou That Is soja
water" ''Wan,' said he, d" ,'posel it was
sweetened wind
The following story was told about the Turk
ish troubles Just before the outbreak Of the
Crimean war Russian general arrived AZ
Constantinope TO have AN interview with = iuik-
ish Pasha. Entering the presence, he iould
the Pasha seated on g diyan, afrayel IN the
Z habit Of Turk but the two had no sooner east
/ eyes upon each other than the following ialo.u'
ensued Russian General-'' hat Is that SOC.
Sandy Macpherson - Turkish Pisha-lh
jock Macdonald, who'd hae thocht ocmeetins
/ you here.
WANru-..A LEErLE DruNK." 81 wants TO
/ get a drunk, said Ieuton the other Jay to
I person he met on the street; ''where gets 'eu,
/ hey7''
'sWant to get a drunk Well reckon you can
/ get that at any saloon in town, where henzine i
/ sold. There is place over the way. Tor III
| stance" pointing to a saloon across the street
I Teuton went across to the saloon. Saloon
/ keeper got OUT a glass mechanically, with a look
( that seemed to say, "Nell, what Is 1t ~
''Can get a drunk here e vile:
''Get drunk's You re a mind ter it Won only
pay for it," was the reply SCOT wliskey IN
warrant to fetch you if you drink enough OF it. ="
so mich YER stay don't want to get drunk
ike as ter tifels; only want to puy Won leeile
drunk -
''If you only want little drunk, better 90
and drink red wine. Don't Keep it here-keeP
stuff fora biz drunk-that's all. -
''Nein, nein, nein; | want drunk to geep in
mine clothes 10 lock up mine keyup. INT 10 take
me along Won der railroad car travels in me 70
Nj York all e while"
''Oh, you want a trunk Why lilu't YOU -ay
20 in the first place, There is trunk store
over the way, if that's what you want
''Yah, DAT is ricbt;'' and Teuton shot across
the street to secure his ''leelle drunk
The BArrLErmLps or SAvAGEs STATION AND
FORT HARRIsoy.-we take the following extract
from recent letter Of correspondent Of the B,s-
ton Trareller who Is visiting in succession The
battlefelds Of Virginia
TERRIBLE STORY
We stopped at house about half way between
the cemetery and Savage Station. &C. inquire the
way Of an Oh lady, and a most frightiul tale She
told us,-a tale We have hesitated a. write ur'il
We should be well reinforced with proof. lest
your readers REGARD it hoax. She showed
Us a place in her garden, where there was for
merly well. and in IT, she said, was buried fifty
or more OF our soldiers. She said during a calm
in the fight on the first Of June. the Wolutei
men left uncared for on the field, crtwlel up o.
the spot 10 get drink Of water. No one was
able to draw up the bucket and there the poor
fellows lay and died in sight Of a well Of pure Wa
ter, unable to get any. When cur army retreti-
Ell down the Williamsburg road, the COME l-rlte
troops to whom assigned the task ofhurying the
dead came up and filled the well with bodies.
and many, according 10 the rebels own story.
were thrown In alive Since the war their boues
have been taken up and placed in the cemetery
BY the L. :. burial corps. Of whom We INQUIRED
as 10 the truthiulness Of the old lady's story.
The negroes for miles around repeat the story Of
the Pennsylganians buried alive u Mrs. White
sides well and tell Of ghosts that rise and dance.
and Of hobgoblins that call through the night
for water.
sEABCHING FOR BURIED TREAsUREs.
A tale is told here of A soldier in the Eleventh
Maine who was wounded in the leg while max
ing charge under direction of General Na-!ee
Finding that he could not get oa rhe fell anil
feeling well assured that h. should be captured.
he took his money, bis watch, which was pres-
ent, and an ambrotype Of his sister, and buried
them where he lay. He afterwards markell
stump beside him with his bayone in such aman-
ner that he would know it again He was taken;
lacking proper care, he was sick in prison and
for six years after his exchange At last, how
ever, about four months ago. he came in cogi-
pany with his sister, 70 look for the treasure
The spot had grown over with young pines, and
everything had chsngeI ~ he WIS about 10
give up the search be &C ,ilenuiy stumb ell over
an old musket, and then taking it up recognized
ii as his own. He then began digging around
every Old stump in the vicinity, and at last f1und
his watch; but the money AMI ambrotype were
decayei and almost wasted away. The wonder
ful part of the story is that the watch at once
started on its record Of time when wound up
We should have doubted this story hal Eot
few DAYS ago seen a man of undoubted veracty
who stated that the watch belonging to Rev.
" Bartlett, the lighting chaplain Of Maine,
was recently taken up with his bOody at Gold
Harbor, and from the moment it was wound up
it kept time without varying minute in day
FORT HARRIsoN-TwENrY ACRES oF HUMAN
BONES
The cemetery keeper offered 10 act as orr
guide, and after showing US the tort and its ad-
iacent lines Of rhe-pits, he escorted Us to large
field on the northwest side Of the fort, and there
amost terrible scene presented ltself The thou
sands Of Confederate soldiers who had fallen IN
their desperate aad persistent attempts 70 retke
Fort Harrison, were buried by the Confederstes
where they fell. Twenty acres or more have just
been plorghed up BY the owner Of the field, and
the ploughshare turned to the surface al these
skeletons Over the whole tract the bones are
strewei in profuson, and grinning skulls stare
the visitor in the face on every hand. When the
farmer was questioned, he sad the land was now
the richest piece he had, AMI in Justification Of
his sacreligeous act stated that he didn't put
EN- there no how - We learned Afterwards
that the bones had been taken away by the cart
load and sold to fertilizing mills in Richmond
Two, humane men. too poor to do anything else.
came the day we there and attempted 70
burn some of the bones to prevent the wretches
from oarting them of But long job they will
have Of they attempt to burn them all
Yet these are not the only fields Of Confederate
bones we have seen, nor the first instance OF DIS
respect for their dead We have witnessed. Per-
haps they are too poor, they plead, bury
them. Then, in the name Of humanity, why DO
they rear a stone monument, forty-hve feet
square at the base and ninety feet high, at Rich
mond, to the memory Of the Confederate dead,
in the cemetery, and leave their bones to beAoh
. and crumble on the helds,
Az UNNATURAL MorHER.-The Hydepark
f .N55usdealer relates the following
Mrs. Mary Ives, of this town, wife Of Rodney
Ives. but living separate from her husband for
nearly three years past, has been, during the
past fall and winter, in the employment Of sew
eral families in the Northwest part Of tins town.
doing homework She was dismissed from the