The Portland daily press., 1869-08-18
Gossip and G1eanings.

Two Irishmen stopping at the Island House,
Toledo, lighted their gas, and with windows
open, sat down to enjoy chat. The hungri-
est of Toledo mosquitoes soon fiocked in and
drove them desperate. The clerk, who was
summoned to devise some defence against
them, told them to close the windows and put
out the gas. They acted on the suggestion and
placed themselves between the sheets. Just
as they began to dnza lightning bug, which
had strayed into the room, caught the eye Of
one of the travellers. He reused his compan-
ion with punch. "Jamie, it's no use. Here
is one Of the craturs searchin' for us wild his
lanternr'
"A humorous old man fell in with an ignor-
ant and rather impertinent young minister,
who proceeded to inform the old gentleman,
in positive terms, that he could never reach
heaven unless he was born again, and added:
81 have experienced that change, and now
feel 40 anxiety" "And have you been born
again?" said his companion musingly. "Yes,
trust have" "Well,' said the old gentle
man cycling him attentively, 81 don't think it
would hurt you to be born once more"
An avaricious fellow in Brussels gave a
large dinner. Just as tho guests sat down,
piercing shrek was heard in the courtyard.
The host hurried out, and returned pale, af-
frighted, and his hands covered with blood
"What is it?'' was the enquiry. Alas he
said, "a poor workman, father of large fami-
ly has met with a terrible accident, he was
knocked down by cant, aud grievously
wounded. Let us aid him. A collection
was taken up and the guests contributed 200
s. t. al.
ruse to make them pay for the dinner.
OF course AS children are not all of an
age; one is twelve, another nine, and Jack, the
"nubbin," is five. A visitor coming in one
day, questioned the children in regard to their
lessons. The eldest replied that she had to
get grammar, arithmetic, geography, etc. The
second got reading, spelling, and definitions.
"And what do you get, my little man?" was
asked of Jack, who was busy ''spearing' the
cat with a wooden sword. "Oh, 1 gets readin',
spellin', and spankin'; and 1 gets up in the
mornin', too.'
"A bear attacked a Texan farmers cabin
one night, when the farmer got into the loft,
leaving his vile and children to take care of
themselves. The wife seized the axe and aim
ed heavy blow at bruin. "Give it to him
Nancyf' exclaimed the valiant husband. At
ter bruin was dead, he came down from the
loft and said, Nancy, my dear, aint We
braver'
Where were you, Charlie?" "In the gar
den, ma" "No-you have been swimming
you know cautioned you about going to the
creek. 1 will have to correct you. Look at
your hair, how wet it is. sob, no ma, this is
- =. Il. I h.,
caught you fbbing; your shirt is wrong side
out" Boy, triumphantly-"Oh, did that
just now, ma, climbing the Jencei"
Half of the people of the world are unhap-
py because of the worry and fuss they insist
in putting upon their shoulders. The world is
an exceedingly clever place in which to spend
twenty, forty, seventy years and more, but the
people in it are perpetually engaged in block
ing their own and one another's happiness.
There might be sunshine every day and star
shine every night if things were arranged as
they should and might be.
Though sometimes small evils, IKE invisis
BILE insects, infict pain and single halr may
stop a vast machine; yet the cnies secret OF
comfort lies in not allowing tribes 10 vex one,
and in prudently cultivatins an underground
of ,mall Measures, since very few great ones,
alasi are let on long leasesl
Like the gener ,lity OF kings and conquer
ors Frederick the Great had most philo-
sonhic indifference to death-in others IN one
of HE battles, q battalion of veterans having
taken to their heels, he galloped after them,
bawling out, "Why do you run away, you old
do you want to live forever?''
One afternoon, about the close OF tho war
in April, 1865 a part of the United States
squadron, at Albemarle Sound, was lying off
the village of Edenton, North Carolina. A
message was sent from the shore to Capt Ma
comb, commander OF the fleet, announcing that
the ceremony of public baptism would be per-
formod at two o'clock. The Captain, ever
courteous and considerate, supposed that some
of his officers might wish to witness this little
episode in the tedious monotony of blockading,
and directed that the facts should be commu-
nicated by signal TO the other vessels Inc
naval signal book was forthwith brought OUT
aud searched, but the word baptism was MOTTO
be found. Here was quandary, aud time was
rapdly passing; but the Captain was no. W NC
fooled. The quarter-master OF the "a'cn was
sat 10 work. and in few minutes the orlght-
colored- signal flags of the Shamrock were at
the masthead, and the astonlshed officers oil
tbe other ships read: "There will be religious
diving ON shore at 2 p. NJ y