Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-03-30
Humorous.

The coward S armS-Hls legs.
The "poor in spirit Bankrupt publicans.
An artless maid-One that is honestly made
A spacious piece of furnture-A table of
distances.
Why is the letter Y like lady? Because it
makes pa pay.
Is mantua- maker amenable to law for hook
ing ladies' dresses?
The wheel of fortune-that of the velocipede
to It's manufacturers.
A discharge without report-A servant dis
missed without character.
Some musicians are like the wandering Jew
they set all time at defiance
Why is the sea more powerful than the earth =?
Because it has heaps of muscles.
Was the maid of Athens maid of Greece?-
If so, was she ever in melting mood?
Why is stick of candy like horse? Be
cause the more you lick it the faster it goes
IF you were invited out to dine, and found
nothing upon the table but beet what would
you say? That beets all.
The most truthful portion Of many an cpl
taph is at the beginning, Here lies, " ETC., and
Cream, it is said, may be frozen by simply
putting it Ia glass vessel and then putting the
whole into an old bachelors bosom.
My yoke is easy and my burden is light, -
as the young fellow said when his girl was sit
ting or his lap with her arm around his neck.
Nothing like magistrate for refining a
man as the incorrigibIe old topper said, when
he laid down his five shillings for the twelfth
time.
A friend Of ours was congratulating himself
upon having recently taken very pleasant trip.
Upon inquiry, we found that he had tripped
and fell into young lady's lap.
Some one said Of a very handsome woman
whose feet were immense: 'She's very pretty,
but she upsets completely the ordinary system
of measurement, by proving that two feet make
a yard.
During the Louisiana campaign, a party oil
soldiers marching through a swamp were Or
dered to form two deep, when corporal ex-
claimed: Il am too deep already, I am up to
the middle.
'Ah!' said Sunday school teacher, Car
oline Jones, what do you think you would have
been without your good father and mother ?''-
81 suppose. num-" sud Caroline, 81 suppose
as | should ha' been horphan. -
A man once went to purchase horse of :
Quaker.
''Will he draw we'll, asked the buyer.
'Thee will be pleased to see him draw
The bargain was concluded and the farmer
tried the horse, but he would not stir STEP
He returned, and said, THAT horse will not
draw an inch.
II did not tell thee that he would draw,
friend; I only remarked that it would please
thee to see him draw, and so it would me, but
he would never crafty me in that respect.
HAD HIM THERE-It is stated that an Irish
man called upon disciple of Esculapius, and
informed him that his wife was sick and need
ed medical aid. The NJ. D. was willing to give
his attention to the case, but desired the man
to pay in advance or enter into agreement tc
pay when his services were no longer needed
AN yell kill or cure for twenty dollars p
said Pat
Eyes"
Pat was satisfied and left the NJ. d. to per-
form the contract. The woman died and in due
time he presented his bill.
Pat looked at it a moment, and then asked
AN did yez cure her?'
mo" answered the physician
can did yez kill her?'
This was poser. and the NJ. D. discovered
that Pat had caught him. The bill at last &C
counts, had not been settled.