The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1869-05-13
Deceit Of Song Writcrs.
BY THE "EAT CoNTRIBUrOM."
From thu ~ n>-Al q

From the Cincinnati TtReo.
The man who wrote Home, Sweet
Home;," never Lad home. me.-Ercha.0s.
No, Of course not. All his folks q
hume say he didn't. Nobody who
writes about anything ever has L. Ifs
man is out Of anything he Immediately
goes and writes about 1t. No one writes
so many headings" Is the man who 10
out OF his head.
Certainly he didn't have any home.
The man who wrote "Oid Arm Chair"
never had an arm chair In all his life.
The best ho had was an old split-bot-
tom chair without any back to il.
Tho author of Take Ne BACK to
Switzerland' never was in Switzerland.
The nearest lie ever came to it was sit
ting in the William Tell saloon eating
Switzcr kase-kase why, that was the
best he could do.
Mother, I've Come Home to DE-"
hasn't spoken to the old woman for
years, and wouldn't go near tho house.
Besides, he Is one Of that class Of spirit
ualists who don't believe they ever will
die. His health was never better. His
mother Is nothing but y n,otner-in-law.
and she is dead, anyhow. ~
There is the author Of "Old Oaken
Bucket, too. There wasn't a bucket on
tin pail and cistcrn pole.
"ifI had but thousand . Year,
stated privately to his friends that he
would be perfectly contented with half
that sum, AS he was doing chores just
for his board and three month"; school
ing in the winter.
The author Of champagne Charley"
never drank anything but ten cent
whisky.
Tho man who wrote "Mary had
Little Lamb" knew very well It was
but II itttc tame fry.
"Shells Of Ocean" is a humbug. The
Ilaintive poet who represents himself
As wandering, one summers eve, with
seabeat thought OF u pensivc shore, was
raised in the interior Of Pennsylvania,
and never was ten miles away from
home in all his life. "C;athcred Shells"
did he" All the shells he ever gather
ed were some eay-shells back Of his
mothers kitchen.
'Hark, hear the Angels sing" spent
Angels, indeed!
The man who wrote the. Song Of tho
Shirt" hadn't shirt to his back, wear.
ing wa,npus for the most part.
''Oft in the Silly Night uscd to get
or spree and make the stilIy night
howl till daybreak.
The author Of 1--WE Met by Chancv''
knew very we'll it was all arranged be-
forehand. He had been weeks In con-
triving it-and she admired his con.
trivance.
The author of 81 Know a Bank" DC,
didn't know one where ho could yet his
note discounted. The only cl,ock he
ever held was white cheek on, 4 faro
bank. Henever had red check IN all
his life. .>ari,
"What are tho Wild Waves Sat ing"
knew very well they were repronching
him for running away from Long
Branch without paying his hotel
bill.
"Who will Care for Mother Now ="
Who, indeed fou t.a,la the old woman
toft, -,,ne e.lrsv-. ..~s J'@t~-A ..-;'i..- 'or.
master to care for her now.
Hear Me, Norma was deaf aud
cumb. He couldn't make his pa hear,
nor ma.
MY Mother, Dear" used to thrash
the old woman within OH inch Of her
life.
The author Of Rain Oh The Roor'
always slept in the basement, except
when he slept out Of doors.
"Iet Me Kiss Him for His Mother"
got mad because his mother wouldn't
have him, and whipped her little boy
within an inch Of his life.
81 Dreampt | Dwcit in Marble Halls.'
used to cheat Mt marbles when n boy,
aud his dream was Il horrid nightmare,
brought on by rcmorse ut the rccollec-
ton of fraudulent n,nrbic hdnts.
"Hm Saddcst When I Sing" wss
tickled almost to death II invited
too. ;,
"Happy be Thy Dreams," sold BEN
zine whisky. You can fancy wi,at kind
of dreams We're produced.
"No one to Love-" having just killed
on his Fl nh wife, naturally felt like the
ID about it.