The Portland daily press., 1869-12-24

The fat men of New York had ball Mon
day evening, which was very amusing and
successful affair, and gave an opportunity for
the display of newspaper humor. The Sun en-
bellished its account with twenty engravings
representing the different specimens of hu-
manity who tipped the heavy fastastic on the
occasion. The reporters were kept busy, and
their descriptions of the overgrown partici-
pants of the ball were very amusing. The
World says:
The dancing was the acme of the whole.
He who has only seen the fat man in repOse
can have little notion of the fat man in action.
| 1t is almost proverbial that fat men dance
well, but who could have anticipated the
greasy grace of these fat men. One noble
swollen parcel of dropsiness there was who
merits special commentator. He cut
pigeon's-wings. He did double shuffies. The
beams creaked under his baoyant bulk, and
the frescoes of Garibaldi creaked over his
head. But still he kept his course. The wax
of the floor was overlaid with his drippihgs.
The incautiOus persons who ventured into the
shadow of his disk had their dress coats cov-
cred with grease spots. But so long as the
musicians would blow for him, that fat man
hid his lean agile partner from the public
When he cut his ultimate caper and saunter-
ed fatty to his bench, the cheers were long and
loud.
What need is there to particulalize. Fish
was there, unctuously presiding. His wide
smile proclaimed him the fattest man upon
the floor. His immense diamond pin glared
like calcium light full in the eyes of his fair
partner. A blue-black swallowed tailed coat
with brass buttons enclosed his vast propor-
tions.
The hero of the ball, or rather the ball, was
Thomas Conway. He is called boy. He is
a walking globe. The fat boy in Pickwick
was but type of him. His age is officially
put at 6, but it is simply impossible that the
human nutritive powers are capable, in six
years, offorming the quantity of tissue which
he bears about. His head is globe, with
two flaps for ears, two orifices for nostrils, a
mere hint at eyes, and crease for mouth.
Fair compliance frowned not on his humble
birth, and melancholy marked him for her
own. Each fat man has an ideal of fatness,
but it seems to be conceded that this fat boy
is relied upon to reach it. Busch weighs 450
pounds. Fisk weighs 35S. But Daniel Lam
bert weighed 739, and the American fat man
swells with grief and emulation when he con-
siders him. But tons will be needed to meas
ure the avoirdupoise of Thomas Conway, if
his life is spared; but that is absurd il his life
is rounded to the term of the bloated English
man who remains the ultimate achievment of
adiposity.
Of course, the fat man was supreme at sup.
per. Bushels of lobster-sallad disappeared be-
fore him. Gallons Of oysters vanished in the
recondite recesses of his giant bale. Into his
trunk of humors" pyramids of ice-cream
were packed. He dispersed not, until the last
fragment of the repast had succumbed. And
its liquid accOmpaniments made bim hilar-
1,,k n q
lice attempted to arrest one of him. But they
could not surround him, and their innocuous
locusts were unable to reach a sensitive part
Of him. And SO he flowed on to bed.