The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1869-07-01
Jhs 6asette.
TheGote.
[From lhe BIning. papersI

They hav a split hoof and a
whole tail.
They hav a good appetite, and
a sanguine digestion.
They swallo what they eat, and
will eat anything they can bite.
Their moral karakters are not
polished, they had rather steal a
rotten turnip, out ov a garbage
box than tew cum honestly by a
pek ov oats.
The male cote haz two horns on
the ridge ov his he'd, and NUS
tash on hiz bottom lip, and IL the
plug ugly ov hiz naberhood.
A maskuline cote will fite emmy
thing, from an elephant down to
his shadder on q ded wall.
They strike from their but.end,
instead ov the shoulder, and are
az likely tew hit, az hammer il a
nailhed.
They are o hi seazoned animal,
az much SO az pound ov assifdi-
ty.
They are faithful critters, and
will stick tew a friend az long az
he lives in shanty.
They kan KLINE emmy thing but
a greast pole, and kno the way up
rock az natural az q woodbine.
They are az certain tew raize az
young ones, snm familys are haf
gotes, and the other haff children
They are good eating whom they
are young, but they icsye ii oph az
they git stronger.
They arc alwus poor in the bod
dy, but phatt in the stumick, what
thoy eat seems to all 60 to appo-
tight, you mite as well agree tew
phatt an injun rubber over show bi
filling it with klam shells, az tew
Iaize emmy adiposo membrane on
the outside bust ov o goto.
A phatt cote would be literary
curiosity.
They use tho same dialekt az
the sheep, and the yung ones speak
the language more aucntIy than
the parents do.
There il only two animals on
the earth that will eat tobakko-
one IL man and tothor IL o cote.
but the cote understands il the
most, for he swaIlers the spit, chaw
and all.
The male goto, whom he is pen>
siv, IL venerable and philosophy
looking old cuss, and wouldn't
mako q bad professor ov arithmetic
iu sum ov our colleges.
They are handy at living long
time, reaching an advanced age
without arriving OF emmy definite
konklusion.
How long q cote lives without
giving it up, there IL no man now
old enuff tow tell.
Motbuzeler. if hiz momory was
bad at forgetting, mite give a good.
sized guess, but unfortunately for
science and this ossa, Mothuzeler
amt hero.
Gotes will live in emmy klimate,
and on emmy vittles, except tan.
bark, and il they ever cum to a
square death, it IL a profound SO
kret, in the hands ov few, to this
day.
l wouldn't like tew bcloavo emmy
man under oath who had ever seen
n maskuline cote acktually die,
and stay so.
Speaking ov Methuzolcr, puts
mo in mind ov tho fackt, if u man
should liv now daze, az much az he
did, and only hav ono eye tew 500
things with, ho would hav to hav
an addishion built onto tho back
ov hiz he'd tow s.o away things in.
to.
Tho fcmail goto IL either tho
mother, or sister, or cuzzin ov tho
male goto, ackording tow the pro
vailing circumstansis in tho case,
or else labor under q delusion, i
forget witch.
aafa
They give milk intuitively about
q quart, before it IL watorod, in
twelve hours, which IL the subjokt
ov nonrishment, in various ways.
This milk, which is extrakted
from tho female gote, IL cxcollont
to finish up yung ones on, but IL
apt to make them bollycose and
fghtful.
IL is not unkomcN for q babe,
whilc inhaleing this pugnashus
fluid, to lot oph hiz left collockshun
or digit and kotch tho nurse on tho
pinnakle ov tho smcller, and tap ii
for claret.
inns ~ O kommon fakt amuDg
Irish babes, and explains tho rca.
Eon whi, in after lilo, those samo
babes make such brilliant hits.
In writing tho history ov tho
malo and female gote TOW adorn
the pages ov fnturo timos, flattor
myself that hav stuck tow tho
truth, and haven't allowed mi I'm.
aginashun tew boss tho job.
A grato menny ov our best bilt
historians are apt tew mistake
opinyons for facts; this IL an easy
mistake tew mako, but when |
strike q goose, or bed bug, or cote,
you notis ono thing, stay with
them.
Finis.