The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-09-03
dBrif an& 1utttur i.

Wtit an6 Dnttur.
- Ledger clerks disregard the in
junction-"Post no Bills"
"A dull tool wastes time and is
never used but By dull fellow.
He who pelts every barking dog
must pick up great many stones.
- Why is man who has no chill
dren invisible. Be cause he's not pa
rent.
Experience is one of the Oldest
and best of teachers, but her prices are
ruinously high.
- Young women should set good
examples, for the young men are al
ways following them.
We know girl so Industrious
that when she has nothing else to do
he sits and knits her brows.
= Happiness growsE at our own
firesides, and is not to be picked in
strangers gardens.
"a dreadful little for shllling,n
said Skinfint to a druggist, of whom
he had just purchased an eme.ic.
- The largest roof in the world is
at the railway station at Kings Cross
London. covering some four acres.
- Why is a selfish friend like the
letter P? Because though first in pity
he is always the last in help.
The last instance of modestv is
that of lady who refused to ware
watch in her bosom because it had
hands on it.
- Philosophical happiness is to
want little and enjoy much; vulgar
happiness is to want much and enjoy
little.
"A fool in high station is like a
man on the top of high mountain
every thing appears small to him, and
he appears small to everybody.
-"Of she goes" said a lady,
speaking of the train as it was starting.
"You have mistaken the gender, mad
am" Il gentleman said; ':this is mail
traiE.',
-"I say, Pete, when my little boy
gets his hair cut, why ort dat to be ra-
garded as great phenomena ?'
81 don't know, BILL"
"Coz it am de'c}ipse of de SUM-"
- Gold dust thrown into a per-
sons eyes is said to be very binding,
but at the same time, the peculiar sem
sation is pronounced far from unpleas-
ant.
-A gentleman, who was irritated
at some misconduct of his servant said,
''John. either you or l must quit this
house." "Very well, SIR" said John;
"where will our honor go tor"
- An editor, out West, of course,
speaking of a rogue who lives in his vi
entity says. s'The rascal has broken
every bank, and gaol, and Sabbath we
have had in our country for the last
seven years."
- In most quarrels there is fault
on both sides. A quarrel may be COM
pared to spark, which cannot be pro-
duced without flint as we'll as a steel;
either of them may hammer on wood
for ever, but no fire will follow.
"A shrewd old gentleman once
said to his daughter: BE sure, my
dear, you never marry poor man.
But remember that the poorest man in
the world is the one that has money
and nothing else
A wldower having taken anoth-
er wife, was, nevertheless, always pay
ing some panegyric so the memory of
his late spouse in the presence of the |
living one, who one day added, with |
great feeling, "beleve me, my dear, |
nobody regrets her more than | do"
If you are a wise man you will |
treat the world as the moon treacs it. |
Show it only one side of yourself, sell |
dom show yourself too much at time |
and let what you show be calm, cool |
and polished. But look at every side
of the world.
- A child, on being shown the pic
ture of ''Daniel in the Lions DEM
was affected to tears. Don't grieve,
Pet" said the mother, che was not de-
yonred." "I'm not crying for that"
was the reply; ''but do you see that lit
tie lion in the corner mammaP Well,
! IN afraid he won't get any, for Daniel
is so small he won't go arouud."
"A little boy met his Sabbath
school teacher, and innoeently asked
her if to $ ~ ''cofferdam" was swearing.
She replied, "no, my dear-what
makes you ask that question ?"
His answer was, 81 saw an old COW
down the street yonder; she was near
y choked to death, and I thought she
would coff- er-dam head off,"
= Two Irishmen. on sultry night
took refuge underneath the bed-clothes
rom skirmishing party of mosquitoes.
AT last one of them, gasping from heat
yentured to peep beyond the bulwarks.
md, by chance espied freely which :
lad strayed into the room. Accusing !
his companion with punch, he said: !
'Jamic, jamie, it's no use. Ye might ! !
Is weel come ont! Here's one of the !
srayters sdrchin for us ooid a lantern"
Josh Billings Maxims.-I hon
,stly believe it IL better tew know no.
hing than tew know what amt so.
Coin to law is like SHINING new
milk COW for the hide and giving the
neat tew the lawyers.
When you haint got nothing to do, s
10 it at once; this is the way to learn
o be bizzy.
The less man knows, the more he
will guess at; and guessing nothing
lore than suspicion.
= Young gentleman having tarried
luch longer at his clearinghouse
han was necessary for the morning
neal was asked on his return, in a iok-
lg way, "what he had for breakfast"
He replied, candidly, "a cup of cof-
se, a mutton chop, and some mystic l.
v" o
"Mystery - said his employers; v
what's that ?" not having bee
enlighteded in all the '.mys- >