The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1869-05-21
Wit and Sentiment.

MILITARY SEssIoNs-PIocessions.
Tunes for expectorators Spit
toons.
BURGLARY we are all guilty Of
Breaking IN boots and shoes.
PAPER and Irvine are now made of
qeOod. Imagine a package done up
with cord of 1oOodi
APPROPRIATE good wishes to Rene
nue. officers" Many happy RETURNS, y
&c.
A CLASS of trade not affected by
moving day-iStatiOnery (stationary)
stores.
FoR striking ideas" we refer to
any work on the art of Boring. n.
b Bell ringers may also be con-
suited.
HEADS that have much to account
for-Bil- heads.
The husband that is two feet taller
than his wife can easily overlook her
shortcomings.
MONEY, we fear, is in a bad way.
1t is now regularly reported as quite
tight"
WOMEN talk more than men, but
for the most part say less. Words
are not ideas.
A LIGHTER volume than a novel
a volume of smoke.
LUMBER dealers and mariners are
often overheard.
A YOUNG man wants situation
where the only heavy thing is the sal
airy. He is willing to dispense with
any amount of work if this can be
guaranteed.
WHY don't you ask your sweet
heart to marry your" 81" / have asked
her" What did she say?" "Oh,
I've the refusal of her."
A PHYSICIAN boosted at dinner that
he cured his own hams, when one of
his own guests remarked:
Doctor, l would sooner be your
ham than your patient"
IF brooks are, as poets call them,
the most joyous things in nature, what
are they always Turmuring about?
PROBLEM for the clever-If Miss
Swami, the Nova Scotia giantess, were
be expiring?
WHAT writer to search for jewels
Goldsmith.
PEOPLE with large ears generally
have very moderate brains. Nature
cant afford TO give everything to one
person.
REPORTERS and a large class OF
brokers get their living on notes.
CHEAP watering places-ordinary
spouts.
If lady wants to touch the feel
ings of gentleman in tender spot
let her sit-with deliberate careless
ness, If she can continue so to do
upon his new silk hat. Simultane-
ously with Its crush will be the emo
tons of its terrified owner.
A sHREwD old gentleman once said
to his daughter, Z" Be sure, my dear
you never marry poor man; but re-
member that the poorest man in the
world is one that has money and
nothing else"
MUTTON, according to the reports
received from every direction, is fall
ing. People who have heads of that
sort should look to it and not ge
hurt
The new three. cent stamps after
passing through the Post Office, are
like pugilists emerging from a mill
quite black and blue in the face.
A TASTE for straight saltwater il
the morning is suspicious. 1t hint
of something the previous night that
want quite straight, and perhaps tina
the subject couldn't go so.
NEAT THINGS IN LAUGHS" Mrs
c., though masked, +" says an mag
NATIVE reporter, : was easily detected
by the soul-ielt laugh which spring
up like the sea-foam from ga,
heart"
THOU ART So NEAR AND YET Sc
FAR -" An Expectant One" navel.
remarks that distant relations whel
making their wills are invariably YER
close"
AT East Saginaw, Mich, German
woman died recently, who had resides
with her brother, who is we'll to do il
the world, for many years. Abou
two days before she died, the affec
tionate brother called at neighbo
to borrow some joiner's tools, being
mechanic. for, said he, The gin
can't possibly live over half an houl
and as | cannot possibly leave til
house l might as we'll be at work o
her coffin in the meantime" Who
She died, two days after, her cofi
was ready for her.
AN itinerant quack doctor in Texs
was applied to by one of Colonel Hay
rangers to extract the iron point of a
Indian arrow head from his hea'
where il had been lodged for son
time. =" [ cannot 'stract t. is, straI
ger" said the doctor, bekase to q
so weuld go nigh KILN you; but
tell you what can do; l can give yo
pill that will melt it in your head"
AN illiterate negro preacher said 1
his congregation, My bredren, whe
de fust man, Adam, was made, he W;
OBJ wet clay, and set up agin de palini
to dry" '0o you say" said one