Mower County transcript., 1869-12-30
NE FAT MEMS SPREE

NE FAT MEMS SPREE.
The Drunken Tilans after the Grand
Balm Mountains Of Flesh Rolling
Int S.s 0.::siss nsdns.a%Ss n.anSS:s,. Stomach.
The grand ball Of the fat men broke up
Thursday with the break of day. Worn
out, like Flemish dray horses, with moth
ing short OF superhurnan labors, they Stag
geycd out into the cold air with their di-
minutive danes upon their arms. and wad-
died home, singing riotous songs in tones
so bass as would have driven Duchesne
mad with envy. They tramped recklessly
but weariiy through the streets. How they
entered their respective domiciles it is hard
to say. Many who resided temporarily at
hotels were dragged to their rooms by
ropes and pulleys.
Stout, the three hundred and ninety
FOUNDER, of Poughkeepsie, who came down
10 New York to parade at the grand ball
and was staying with his wife's relations IN
Fiftieth street, staggered into the dining
room in the basement of their house, where
he turned over Oh the floor and fell
asleep The servants tried to take him to
bed, but could not move him. His snoree
shook the house till noon and the inmates
walked about with cotton in their ears.
Hough, the two hundred and eighty-one
pounder, proprietor of the Lockwood
House in Poughkeepsie, was elevated to
his double bed in the Union Place Hotel,
and left to himself, muttering incoherently
of terrible pains in his stomach. He was
found in the morning, the Stats broken
through, lying on the floor, with his heels
in the air on the 1cot-board of the bed
He was purple in the face, and snored with
an unearthly sound. DR.. Cooper gave him
three1 soup ladies of ippecacuanha and q
quart of solution of copperas, after which
he felt better.
ENDURANCE OF THE HON. JOHN FISK.
The Hon. John A. P. Fisk took his little
wife up in his arms and tripped lightly
home. Fisk is o model Of o man. His en-
durance is remarkable. He took off his
back, and his vest. containing seven yards
of Madagascar doeskin, and wrung them
dry into the back yard through the kitchen
window.
''After that walked up and down the
room, to show my folks l wasn't drunk, u
he said; ''but they gave me no rest.
walked through the whole house to get rid
of 'em, but couldn't shake EN- Off There
was no peace for me, nothing but, o big
piece Of mince pie in the ice, box, and that
swallowed. Then went TO bed, but
couldn't sleep. You see, mince pie isn't
good for fat men. It don't set we'll on
their stomachs. Well, couldn't stand it
any longer, so I jumped up and came down
here to my restaurant. hadn't been here
ten minutes before some of the other chaps
came in.a You see they had been eating
mince pie too. Well, We took bourbon all
round, and then we took it again, you see,
and SO on. After that We didn't feel the
mince pie any longer, and concluded that
mince pie wasn't good for fat men. So !
locked up all the stuff in my place here.
and am going to keep it for lean men. You
know they've got different constitutions.
They've got dyspepsia and rheumatics, and
all that, which we fat men don't know any.
thing about. you know. That's the beauty
of fat men,"
As he spoke. q truck came rolling slowly
stage horses in a snow-storm, or the equine
skeletons on the telt line of horse cars
On it stood four Ttans When they laughed
the wheels Of the truck groaned, and the
horses gasped for breath. The pede> trianf
on the street threw up their hats and
cheered enthusiastically. The truck stoppej
before Fisks restaurant, and its load slowly
aiighted. They had eaten mince pies too
and couldn't sleep; SO they had some mors
bourbon all round. They imbibed freely
and mounted their truck again. They bad,
goodbye to their President, for they werI
all from Poughkeepsie, and were going
back. .:s
''Look at us, they said. "Poughkeepsit
is the place to grow fat, if your soul il
capable Of that ambition. Look at us fou1
men, and we are skeletons compared will
some other chaps up there. Why, herel
Stout, who weighs 800 pounds, and he'I
nothing. Yet no weighs 36 pounds mor'
than you, Fisk. Why, you ought to b.
ashamed OF yourself: We are going t
have that big cane of your up. in Pough
keepsie next year. There's no chance o
your beating u.s."
"I'n be darned if you'll have it" retort
ed the Hon. John A. p. Fisk; "I'll live o,
starch first"
."Wen, so will We" cried the whole fou
in a monstrously bass voice, ''if that
what's the matter"
FIsKs RESTAURANT
was scene OF gigantic extravaganza til
dark. The Titans rolled in and out reck
lessly. They were on grand spree aite
the ball, and will each weigh dozel
pounds or two more before they have re
turned to the routine of their existence
for. said the Hon. Stiles Stevens, "w
know, b. experience, we do, that beer an,
bourbon are nourishing;. and we grow fat
ter on 'em, we do, no matter what Jane
Parton says, for what does such a thil
chap as he know about it? And I'll bet
our wives would drink beer and bourbon
lie US jolly chaps, they'd grow fat too
N Y Sun