The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1869-01-14
you 0t onOCn0x
Ma gave II up.

when you make suit Of clothes for thens
finish the coat first, and by so doing you
will make the trowsers .last. It is th(
only way the thing can be done. Il
A boy eight years old, in one Of ou1l
public schools, having been told that
reptile 'is an animal that creeps," on bsll
ing ask to name one, on examination
day, promptly and triumphantly rsplil
ed, "a BABY"
At school at Wallsend, near NewI
castle, England, the master asked
class ofboys the meaning of the word
"appetite,' wheh after short pause, 4
little boy said: ~ know sir,-when I'm
eatin' Pm 'appy, and when I'm done
I'm tight"
The Gentleman who "hasn't ID
polite" lives at Loysville, Pa. He had
been Postmaster there for forty yearyl
and feels spry enough to come out righd
side up under the next Administra1
ton.
"rhe most solumn hour Of my life,'i
says old bachelor Tibkins, was when Il
was going home, on dark night, from
the widow Mopson's. after her youngest
daughter had told me I needn't come
again"
OF course the railroad .es great
wonder among the Indians on the plains
when they see 1t for the first time. Tho
Pintes named the locomotive Smoke
wagon" but the Sheshones, less happi-
ly call 1T, Heap wagon, no hos"
In Westerly, r.. L., missionary had
painted on the fence: what shall 1 do
to be saved?" to which a quack medi.
cine man added, "Use bitters, -
! The evangelist retorted by painting un-
der "Use - bitters" in another
place, the words, "Then prepare to meet
thy God"
woman in Rochester went to
church Sunday evening, taking her ba-i
by with her. She fell asleep. The in
FAINT rolled off her lap, and straighten-
ing itself up sat with:puckered lip, look i
ing in amazement at her doing mother
The congregation laughed, aud the
minister had to stop preaching.
"A Minnesota postmaster, who wished
to retain his office, on being asked
whether he had not opposed Mr.. john
sons "policy,' replied: "No stree. and
l want you to understand that 1 can
change my politics as fast as you, and
when l can't keep up, I'll resign.n
"A woman who had great difficulty I'M
Keeping her servants, was ask why she
did not engage an American girl. She
replied, "The last one of the sort had
went away because me and my husband
used such bad grammar. Do you 'sposel
l want school mistress in the kitch-
en?n
a scientific report lately contains the
following words:
I'VE had committee sitting for sew
eral years on gun cotton.'n
Well, all we can say is, that, consider
ing the material, we wonder they havn'tI
long ago finished report.
At prayer meeting recently held mott
far from New Haven, an earnest broth-I
er whose zeal surpassed his intellipencgl
offered his Petition at the top of his
voice.
"Oh! Lord have mercy upon us, poor
miserable sinners, Of which I am the
chiefest among ten thousand and the
one altogether lovelyr'
In one of his recent essays on wordsf
Mr.. Richard Grant White discusses theA
interesting question why women wild
call their first under garment chemise.
This word means shirt, and nothinaA
else; and its meaning is not changed, or
the sound improved, when it is pro-
nounced shimmy. Shirt is the original
English name for this garment: as well \
As the corresponding garment for mon.
'STUTTERING BEN" who was toastin1
his shins, observing that the oil mer.
chant was cheating customer in some
oil, called out to him
Jim can tell you how you can sell 1
t-twice as much Oil as you do now"
"Well how?" groaned Jim.
"F-fill your measure"
John, what is the past of seee"
"Seen, SIR"
mo, John, it is saw"
Yes, sir; 80 II a fish swims BY me-
1t becomes sas0-fish when il 10 paeeI
and can't be seem"
Teacher-"Hem! yes. Now, John.
you had better SO home. Ask yourI
mother to soak your feet to prevent u
rush Of brains to the head"
A rural lady, observing the operationl
OF steam fire engine, ventured to ln-|
quire: What is the object Of boiling the
water before squirting It on the fire,''