Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-10-08
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A PAIR of tights-Two drunkards.

"SPELL" bound-School children.
SMART men insure in the Washington
Life Insurance Company.
SMALL vices INDUCED, are little thieves
that let in greater ones.
IT is said-ironically, perhaps-that
blacksmiths forge and steel every day. 4
"BE moderate in all things" as the boy
said to his schoolmaster when whipping
him.
"THE woman question What shall L
get for a fall bonnet? The "man ques-
ton Where shall / get money enough
topay for it?
Boston has philanthropist who visits
the prisons. Said he to a prisoner, " Most
of your friends think your sentence was
excessive; nothing like it was ever known;
eyes, / suppose So" was the prisoner
reply; "but then, you know, everything
has gone up since the war"
READ what Rev. Archibald Alexander,
D. D., says; 1t has been for many
years comfort to me that my
family will have the benefit of annui-
ties at my decease; and though, on
account of my protracted life, the fund
will be a great gamer by me, yet l do not
regret that, as the gain belongs to benev-
ton Life.
FIND fault only when you must, and
then in private if possible, and some time
after the offense. The blamed are less in
clined to resist when they are chided
without witnesses and the accused may
be impressed with the forbearance of the
accuser, who, although noticing the fault,
waited for proper time to mention it.
A YOUNG lady returning late from q
concert, as it was raining, told the coach
man to drive close to the sidewalk, but
was still unable to step across the gutter.
Il can lift you over, miss said coachy
ooh, nor said she, 81 am too heavy"
"Lord bless you, miss p replied he, 1 am
used to lifting barrels of sugar.
"SToP your crying" said an enraged
father to his son, who had kept up an in
tolerable yell for the last five minutes.
"Stop, say Do you hear?" again re-
peated the father, after a few minutes,
the boy still crying. You don't suppose
1 can choke off in minute, do your"
chimed in the hopeful urchin.
CHILDREN are inqusitive little bodies;
for instance What does cleave, mean,
pa p" 1t means to unite together" "Does
John unite wood when he cleaves it ?"
Hem well, it means to separate Well,
pa, does O man separate from his wife
when he cleaves. to her ?" "Hem, hem !;
don't ask so many foolish questions,
child"
A WAC, having dispute with man
who kept a sausage-shop, and owing him
grudge, ran into his store one day, as he
was serving several customers, with an
immense dead cat, which he quickly de-
posted on the counter, saying: "This
makes 80; as you're busy now, we'll settle
another time" and he was off in twink
ling. The customers, aghast, soon fol-
lowed him, leaving their sausages behind.
OLD John Berry that used to live up
Lake Champlain liked to tell a big story.
One evening, sitting in the village store,
he said he once drove horse ~ miles
in one day on the ice, when the ice was
so thin that the water spirited up through
the holes cut through it by the horses
corks. One of the bystanders remarked
that seventy-two miles was pretty good
drive for one day eyes," said Uncle
John, "6ut 1t eoas a long day ae June"
THE following is an actual translation,
made by an Englishman, in the dialect
spoken by the Chinese in their intercourse
with foreigners, Of the familiar address,
"My name is Norval; on the Grampian
hills my father feeds his flock" my
name b'long Norval. Top side Kehlam-
phian hill my father chow chow he sheep"
And, of "a frugal swain, whose constant
care is to increase his store" the follow
ing is made: My father very small
heartee man; too much like that precle
dolla."
WHEN Isaac Hopper, member of the
Society of Friends, met boy with dirty
face or hands, he would stop him, and in
quire if he ever studied chemistry The
boy, with wondering stare, would answer
to perform curious chemical expert
ment," said Friend Hopper. go home,
take piece of soap, put it in water, and
rub it briskly on thv hands and face
Thou hast no idea what beautiful froth
it will make, and how much whittier thy
skin will be. That's chemical expert
ment. advise thee to try it,
"IIAT man has grown among kind and
afecticnate sisters" / one heard lady
of much observation and experience re-
mark. And why do you think so?" said
L. Because of the rich development OF
all the tenderer feelings of the heart,
which are so apparent in every word" A
sisters influence is felt, even in manhood's
later years; and the heart of him who has
grown cold with its chilling contact with
the world will warm and thrill with pure
enjoyment as some incident awakes within
him the soft tones and glad melodies of
his sisters voice. He will turn from pur-
poses which a warped and false philosophy
has reasoned into expediency, and weep for
the gentler influence which moved him in
his earlier years.