Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-11-19
EElsskaO Of.

HlsREaOr.
A debate on the constitutional consulta-
ton with physician.
A good uniform for the letter carriers
coat of mail.
'.She stoops to conqucr''-the belle with
a Grecian bend.
The principal difference between luxury
and necessity is the price.
Some fellows never pay debt except
when they owe grudge.
The surest way to lose your health is to
keep drinking other peoples.
II don't admire ladies' cuffs" as the hus-
band said when his wife boxed his ears.
Peat, on introducing his English friend
into row, said: "Wherivcr We sees head,
hit" --..... ....
An freshman writing from the West to
friend, remarked, ''Pork is so plenty here
that every third man you meet is hog"
The maxim tstrike when the iron is hot, "
is getting altogether too slow for the age
you must make it hot by striking.
The minister who divides his disoourses
into too many heads will find it difficult to
procure attentive ears for all of them.
Mamma said promising youth Of about
four or five years, If all people are made OF
dust, amt niggers made of coaldust?
It is currently reported and generally be-
lieved Of the female sex, that they 40 not
scruple to HOOK each others frocks.
An editor says, ''our best things will be
found on the outside" That's the way with
the most Of the world.
L won't pay for steaks as tough as these,
said an angry boarder; emo law can compel
me they're not legal tender. +"
The printer who kissed his sweetheart
saving please exchange is believed not to
have exceeded the liberty of the press
Somebody boaxing said to Jerrold, I have
just had some calf SOUP the wit replied
"well, extremes do meet sometimes,
Figures can't lie,' says the arithmetician.
"You can't say that Of womans figures in
these days." responds the slanaerous dress
maker.
A writer asks through the Farmers De-
partment of ootemporary, if any one can
inform poor man the best way to start a
little nursery. Get married!
81 know by little what great deal
means" as the gander said when he saw the
tip of fox's tail sticking out of hollow
tree.
It cost young man, in Cincinnati, twen-
ty dollars for kissing girl that didn't like
it. If she had have liked it, he would prob
ably have been all his life paying for it.
A Young Californian went to sleep, leav-
ing his lighted candle in the bunghole of a
keg Of blasting powder. He was picked up
the next morning all over the shanty.
An old lady on a train not far from La
fayette, hearing the brakesman sing out
"Eubank's Gut" sailed to the door and
asked s'Is he hurt much p
An Indiana paper says the Radicals arc
"playing hi in Chicago" Well, let them
play it. At the next change Of the pro-
gramme you'll see them playing Chicago in
h-N.-Prentice.
"What makes you so grum, Tom Pr
."Oh, I have had to endure sad trial Of my
feeling" "What on earth was it y ''Why,
had to tie on pretty girls bonnet while
her ma was looking on -"
AQuaker in Bloomington, ILL.,, who OBJ
served his wife looking in at the kitchen door
while he was embracing the servant girl,
thus addressed her: 'sBetsey, thee had bet
ter quit peeping, or thee will cause dis
turbance in the family"
One Of the pictorial weeklies has fine
wood cut of the inside Of railroad car, on
approaching Indianapolis, at which point the
conductor opens the door and calls out: "In'
dianapolis, fifteen minutes for divorces"
A newly married man down east, says il
he had an inch more Of happiness he could
not possibly live. His wife is obliged to roll
him on the floor and pat him with a brick
bat every day to keep him from being toe
happy.
"Phil, my Jewell" said Pat, "rm mighty
sorry you can't dine with me to-day
"Arrah. and why can't 1 dine with you p
said the astonished Phil because, my
dear" returned Pat, II haven't asked ye as
yet"
To be woman Of fashion is one Of
the easiest things in the world A late
writer thus describes it. 'Buy everything
you don't want, and pay for nothing you
get; smile on all mankind but your hus-
band be happy everywhere but at home. y
A countryman, walking along the streets
Of town, found his progress stopped by a
close barricade Of timber. "What is that
for 2" he inquired Of a person in the street.
''Oh, that's to stop the cholera" "Ah
have often heard of the Board of Health, but
but never saw it before"
An Irishman entered paper-shop, ate
with a brush cup of lather, dug out the
ball Of soap at the bottom of the cup, ate
that, and sat down to warm his feet. How
did you like your lunch ?" asked a by-stand-
er. Said Pat 'tThe custard was Elegant,
but, by my soul, I b'lave the egg was a
little too long in the wather?'
A certain justice was called to the jail
to liberate worthy debtor, by receiving his
oath that he was not worth twenty dollars
WELL Johnny said the justice, can you
swear that you are not worth twenty dollars
and that you never will be?'
Why answered the other rather chag.
rined at the question, I can swear that