St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1869-12-10
Phunnyg"Gphs.

A woman who never owned a Bible
supposed she was quoting it when she
greeted her son, who came home TO keep
Thanksgiving, in the following words:
''llere comes the fatted calf"
An artist III Indianapolis, Ind. has in his
studio very fine Madonna picture, one
that he take pride in;showing his visitors.
Imagine his feelings when, the other day
a lady who had examined the various
productions of the artist displayed upon
the walls, pointing to the Madonna,
said ''But the one | like best is that
Wei nT>e girl Don't she look natural o.
\ surgeon of Paris lately exhibited to
a friend one of his instruments, the han
die of which was carved in bone. "Do
you know" he asked, of what this han
die is made ," ''Of ivory, | suppose"
NO" said the doctor, while tears al
most choked his voice; ''it is the thigh
bone of my poor aunt"
Nor PosrEp IN lIIsrORY.-A youth
! full applicant Tor 4 certificate to teach
school presented himself before the Su-
pcrintending School Committee of town
in Maine, and after having answered
correctly several questions i'll mathema-
tics, he was a~ked-'.ln what year did
| Columbus discover America p The
young man paused, scratched his head
and replied ''Wel Mister, you've got
me now WAS it before or after the
birth of our Saviour ?" continued the
committee man. The youth spent
moment i'll thought, and then raising his
huge fist, and striking 1t upon the desk,
exclaimed, ''Iou're got me ayain, by tu9-
de,.!' The certificate was not granted.
-BoStou JoUuaL
Mr. Lincoln was much pestered by of
ice seekers. a gentleman from Illinois,
who thought himself peculiarly fitted
to represent the country abroad, followed
| Mr. Lincoln with great pertinacity, but
tun-ho!ing him at al times and in every
place without the slightest mercy Fl
nalv the President, with pleasant smile,
asked if he could speak Spanish. ''No."
well, learn Spanish, and I'll tell you of
a GOOD thing you can get" Alter three
months of hard study the would be di-
plomat returned to the charge, remind
ing the President of his promise, assur-
ING him be had thoroughly mastered the
Spani-! language WELL" said Mr..
Lincoln. L promised to tell you of
good thing you could get Get Don
O.Gr f. md read it; it will make you
LAUGH"
The Cleveland Herald says that
~ day ago u young man, evidently OF
rustic hirrh. called al the Probate office,
about ten -'ci,ck in the morning, and
procured i rr.rrnrc license, which was
..~igncd, sealed. and Delivered in prop
cr form In the afternoon he again
appeared, accompanied 10y a young lady.
He approached the deputy, and the fol-
lowing colloquy cn<ucd: Il say, mister
Won guy me a license to get married
this morning." "Ycs, sir, recollcct
TIE circumstance ; is there anything wrong
! about it - Nv Na-a-l, no" growing red
IN the face and with much hcsitancy.
..Thcrc'> nothing the matter of that ere
. docvmcrt. but Gn an undertonc), the
7 tact is that He girl hls bdcLet cut, and ti.is
',r. Que pointin@ 20 his c"mpanlon), as 60
1 ing to t1!t Ter place. suppose I'll have
3 to get new License ana / want you ~
make it out quickcr'n lightnin', as we
are COIN TO get lltchcd this AFTERNOON"
The second license was issued, and as
the irrepr"->lble youth was evidently de-
trrmIEed 10 marry somebody that day
u before he reached the door, he inquired
= "Mi~tcr, l. there a parSOn or squire
nigh hereahout-
, TUE WoKKMlN AIIEAD-A good
q story Is told OF certain prominent rail-
road gentleman oi ihladel'nia' WHO Is
, equally rrnowh'" ior Ills ahi'lly 10 h'aAe
= and take Il Joke. y t''ilroaa ehp'oye'
/ whose home Is III ANon' came on o"'ur-
d day msnl 10 ask 'or Il pass uo"h ~ '''''
/ hIs family e,
,. ." are III ','' 'i"P'oy VI ''' 'n.ia.
io"" 'i'i"''''' '''e T"''''''''''
/ to-
l. "leS'
e LOU i''e'e youi pay ''s''
- ~ es.
y "N ell, now, suppose you were WORK
ng tor u farmer instead ola railroad,
,c would y"n expect your inPIoyer 10 ''''cl
" up hl' team every Saturday hi9h' anu
ii carry you nome
i Inns seemeda a poser out IL ""si, = *,
u 40 ''''' .'v .'''',' P:or ,rlp -.
would not expect t'1'' out II ''ie '''''ilet !
, I'ad MS team ,'''',,'' up i':'- was eo9
ld my way l. S'Iou'u cni, MN Il u'.' ''eu :,
e mean GUS II he "ou''''' / 'tt 'ne iine'