Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-01-08

Wise and Otherwise.
The carriers of Forhey's paper dis.
trihuted q Christmas engraving called
Peace
A Missouri thief was mean enough
IL steal a tombstone from "a railroad
station.
A Juror, after serving FOR some days
i'm Hartford panel, was discovered
TO be stone deaf.
"I'm sitting on the style. Mary
said an envions young girl rs she
plunged down on her sisters hat and
Feathers.
A young gentleman i'm Oshkosh,
day for winking at ladies in the
street.
A Providence rowdy has been COM
PEELED by the courts to pay sos and
costs, for splitting upon a lady's d: ess
On the street.
A man residing in South Beaver
Dam, Wis, recently drank thirty
glasses of beer in thirty-tive minutes,
on a wager. @,. .-s..
Why is o son who objects to his
mothers second marriage like all ex-
hausted pedestrian? Because he
can't 60 step-father. 1 -
A popular speaker has got up lee
ture on "Getting Ahead" \ head
is good thing to get if there are
any brains in it. .ss.. #"-.
An illiterate correspondent, who is
given to sporting, wants to know
when the "Angio-Saxon race so
mucl, talked about is to come off.
An enterprising photographer in
Colorado wanted to make a picture of
thief hanging from n tree. and sue
ceeded after fight with the vigilance
committee. ....E.-..
A Virginia City editor asserts that
tana are "lady. Killers and that the
other third possess looks that would
kill any animate substance.
We soc that several of our contem-
40 W btNh VA
them s'has had the best article on
milk" &c. The best article we ever
saw on milk was cream.
A preecher in Berks county, dis
coursing about Daniel i'm the lions
den. said: "An' thar he sot, all
night long. lookin' at the show for
nothin' an it didn't cost him cent"
A whimsical comparison being
made between clock and woman,
Charles Fox observed that he thought
the simile bad; for said he, "a clock
serves to point out the hours, and o
woman to make us forget them
A lady who had refused an awk-
ward but wealthy sutton, said to q
friend as he passed: "Look at him.
Could you marry him, even If he had
a carriage and horses?n mo, i'm
deed" replied the other, "not If he
kept livery stable"
AT the Roberts reception General
Grant was talking with Thos. w.
Knox about his voyage around the
world, II envy you the journey"
said Grant; and seeing a number of
hungry politicians approaching him
with an Office in each eye, he added:
81 think I'd like to start now"
Tennyson has written to Miss Jen-
ME NcCraw, of Ithica, ". Y. ac-
knowledgine the honor conferred on
him bv that lady. i'm having wrought
upon the university bells tine cele-
brated lines from "In Memoriam :"
''Ifng IN the valiant man and free:
Phe larger heart. the kiudcr hand;
Ring ont the darkness Of the land,
Ring in the Christ that 10 to be-"
A poor laborer i'm Manchester. Eng
land. had such an infatuatiOn for Mt
tending prize fights, that frequently
one. when he could not afford IN ride
I1hs '---< sA,,rnav was fatal, He had
ND money TO pay ferrymau uu r,rv
River Mersey, and attempted to swim
across. lie was drowned In the eff
fort. s -...r sr..s... ..-r. y
SANDING" THE SUGAR.-A resi-
dent in a certais village, having had
~sanded sugar sold 10 him, inserted i'm
the local paper the following:
Notice. bought of grocer i'm
this village quantity of sugar, from
which obtained one pound of sand.
If the rascal who cheated me will
send TO my address seven .pouads of
good sugar, will be satisfied; if not.
! shall expose him" The following
day nine seven-pound packages of
sugar were left Mt his residence from
as many different dealers, each sun.
posing himself the one intended.
At recent wedding in a Western
city, the bridegroom was called on
Tor song. He cheerfuliy promised
to comply, and said he would give
mis- friends new version of 'Hunka. !
dori.' On taking the paper from his
vest pocket IL proved to be-not a slim |
from newspaper, as he had calcu- !
lated, but a greenback which he han !
intended as the clergyman's fee. I'm.
agine the bridegroom's CONSERVATION
at the trick he had unwittingly played
on the clergyman; and imagine also
the indignant surprise of the latter
when he found only new version of
'Hunkadori,' when he wanted some
money for marketing next day!
a negro down South was driving n
cart drawn by unruIy oxen which
3aulked at a hill. The negro flew
into u passion and commenced beat.
ing the oxen over their heads with a
gad-pole. Just then a preacher came
along and demonstrated with the mad
darkey. thusly: Friend, dost thou
not know that soft word turneth
away wrath. Now just sit down I
here on the roadside and sing Old
hundred to those oxen and thew viii
pull right aloig.n The negro trieo
me experiment and sang Old Han =,
ired to the oxen till he was Loarse. l
,ut the oxen would not stir n neg dc
the negro got mad at tie
preacher and beat his brains out with -
ne ox-gad for fooling him. ms no q
forwards said, with his darnation II
nonsense. ''o"
WHAT NUMBER?-A six foot Yer 4
nonter, en- his first trip from the J
noke OF his fathers chimney nnt /
az brst-class hotel, room on The /
'urth floor. While asleep bootblack +
sts his boots, along with q nun,hnn I,