The Van Buren press., 1869-04-27
MISCELLANY.
The oubles Of Q NsW Member.

when tall specimen Of upright humani
" stalked in.
"Are you d. Pr it asked,
Since entering upon my vocation o.
correspondent, l mean truthful, indie
pendent correspondent, l regard tha
question with suspicion, Iquietly reach
ed out, aud In careless, graceful man
aer put my right hand on paper weigh
Of few pounds, made of I" Black -dia
mond.homogeneous cast. .steel, bent cold,
for the use OF the learned committee OF
commerce, and regard my visitor closely
He was man Of about ffty-six. viii
a bald head, curious, sharp, little eyes, al
undecided nose, and chin that retreatet
into paper collar His clothes were o
what We call store goodwin the Far West
and had evidently exhausted the genius
of village taylor. Ills legs were sien
der and shaky, not from age, but from
habit OF never Strengthening them at tue
knee. said to myself, this is not fight
ist He shuftles through life. He has
shuffled into office So l released my
hold on the paper weight, and boldly re-
sponded: .....
That is my name, SIR" t..
II am NJ. -, member OF Congress
from -. / have read your letters
Mr. -, the editor OF our paper, told
me 70 look you up" ,.. .-..., .. ~,
II am glad to know you, sir. Take a
seat. What can do for youy" ..,
~ want some passes he said earnest
ly, seating himself. ,... s,.,
What sort OF passes ?" ..sg3 y
Railroad" -..,..... ......J,,. -.
a. fear cannot help you in that way,
Mr.. l had pass for myself and
family from the Baltimore snd Ohio rail
road, but because, in return for the com
pliInent, said the president had loco.
motive in mis- belly, l am cut of. But
why do youwant passesI Are you pre-,
pairing to run away2" H '!.g.E vlia
:" wish ! could" he answered sadly
I" / wish could. No. that is not it. l
am run down by Office seekers from my
district. They pile in on me at my board,
ing house. l have bin sleeping every
night on my bed room floor. They fol
low me about and chase me down.. They
have smoked all my cigars and drank up
all my whisky, aud now they're getting
out Of money and want to borrow. !
heard where to find you, made an ex-
cuse to 60 into an alley, and | ran away
4 police officer thought l vas thief
and ran after me. / told him l was a
member Of Congress, running from the
office. seekers. He said that was ruff, and
lstne 90. There 10 one, woman, worse
shan all the rest. She wants the best
post office have. What in the internal
jinks does Grant mean by setting such
fricf efi tnye are writing to me, aud two hundred
will he here, somehow, il we don't repeal
this foolish law and ali all the offices.
This woman torments my life out; and
yet IL give her the Office l won't dare
20 home. She follows me up like Satan.
I cant eat, can't sleep, can't put on
clean shirt, she pops in on me 81 uncx
pec:ed. Now, il had railroad pass. =
"How would that help your" .rfa :
Il believe. il / could say to her. l
can't give you an Office, but here is a
railroad pass, she'd take it and 60. But,
Lord love you. want hundred.
They'rs getting out Of money, tell you.
and If ! only had 'em. Now, can't ysu
help ms3 You newspaper men always
have lot Of passes. The editor in our
town hasn't paid railroad fare for NOR "A
tweuty years. -a,. ......-. aty zl e. -
had to assure my poor friend that ]
really could not help him. l suggested
to him to get = sign painted, " Small pox
in this house," and put it ny over his
door. .4g
Pooh y he cried, "do you suppose
they'd care for that3 Every bloody one
of 'em would get vaccinated, and work
in on nae. Cholera would not keep EN-
off, l wish Id been sunk in eternal
thundor before consented to come to
Congress. Consented worked like
4 mule for it. 1t cost me all Of eight
hundred dollars--more fool /. What
can do My neighbors and constitu'
ents wanted y national dog law, for the
better protection OF sheep, and TO raise
tho price OF, WOOL Why. it would take
fellow two years to learn the rules, and
then don't think l could do a hooter
But cuss these Ofllce.seekcrs." i.Hs .
You arc safe on tho floor, however.
deuce bit They get round til,
doors and send in their names The,
run up in the gallery to see II I'm there
aud then down they come. l hid in the
barber. shops every day for week before
they found me out And then Littlebang
who wants to be minister to Europe,
wrote home 10 the paper, and said ha,
been made Chairman OF the Standing
Committee on Hair"
How long my friend would have CON
tinucd his lamentations cannot say, but
he was interrupted by an arrival OF six
teen Of his friends, and LEFT very detected
Dom Pat. ... .q....s .f4..
DryrRoYlxG STUNTS. The Baltimors
Lsadsr suggests the following method fol
getting rid Of the stumps. without making
. large hole in the ground:
/ 1--WE have heard Of two methods OF get
ting rid Of stumps. which. ~ .hoy sppsa'
feasible and inexpensive. we hope soms
raader will try and report upon Bore with
. ,wo.inch augur to the heart of,hs stump
i'll! tina cavity thus made with suiphurie
aeid, or with crude oil Of petroleum. IN The
frat case the acid becomes the destructive
az, Mt within . few months in tho latter,
when the stump becomes saturated with thu
II 1, 1. Gr.l Aud ~,;ll than bvVN out tt