The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1869-11-10
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there il. aR ,pniyeraal putting up Of stoves
prepagatosy 80 the winter campaign. and
H!ndanRtealy a great deal of profanity is
indGlgSa ii! One who has considerable
experience inr tho work of putting mp
stoves, Gays the first step.t to be taken is
to nut on very. old and ragged coat.
aHaef S;.e in.pl,es inpr essioH that when he ge6
his a6tthE fall OF plaster, IL will keep his
shire bosonl biean. Next, ohe gets his
hands inside the place where the pipe
ought, to GO, and blacks his fingers, and
thsR he carefully makes black mark
down ffeside OF his nose!J 1s i5 impos-
sible toa0aahs any ,headway In doing this
woxiH until hia mRrh is, made down the
side of the, nose, Having got his face
properly markea,n the victim is ready to
begin Tie cefemSpy!l The head of the
family y-rwhoriSfae big goose of the sa-
sorifGe- -gEssps one side of the bottom of
, the stove. apd, his wifo and the hired girl
takes hoid OF tine other side. In this
way, the load is STARTED from the wood
eshed bward the,parlor. Going through
the, door; thel head of the family will
carefully swing his side of the stove
around and jamb his thumb mil against
the door. This part Of The ceremony is
neveri omitted. Having got the stove
I comfortably in place, the next thing is
TO find the legs. Two of these are left
inside the stove. since the spring before.
The other two must be hunted after for
twenty five minutes. They are usually
foundunder,the COAL Then, the, head
OF the family holds up one side of the
stove while his wife puts two Of the legs
In place, md next he holds up the other
side while the two are fixed, and one of
rthe. first two falls cut. By the time the
stove is on its lega, he gets reckless, and
takes off his old coat regardless of his
linen. Then, he goes OFF for the pipe
and gets oinder in his eye. It don t
make any difference how we'll the pipe
Was ppb last year, it will be found little
too short or little too long. The head
OF the family jams his hat over his eyes,
and taking pipe under each arm, goes
to the tin.ahop5 to have it fixed. When
ne gets back, he steps upon one of the
best parlox chairs to see if the pipe fits,
and his wife makes him get down, for
fear he will scratch the varnish of from
the hairs with the nails in his boot-heel.
In getting down, he will surely step on
the cat, and may thank his stars if it is
not the baby! Then he gets au old chair
and climbs to the chimney again, to find
that in cutting the pipe off, the end has
been left too big for the hole in the Chin
ney. So he goes to the wood-shed and
splits one side of the end Of the pipe
with an old axe, and squeezes it in his
hands to make it smaller Finally, he
gets the pipe in shape and finds that the
stove does not stand true. Then, him.
self and wife and the hired girl move the
stove to the left, and the legs fall out
again. Next, it is to move to the right.
More difficulty with legs. Moved to the
front a little. Elbow not even with the
hole in the chimney, and he goes to the
wood-shed after some little blocks. While
putting the blocks under the legs, the
pipe comes out of the chimney. That
remedied, the elbow keeps tipping over,
to tba great alarm of his wife. Head of
the family gets the dinner-table out, puts
( the old chair on it, gets his wife to hold
Abe chair, and balances himself on it to
,9Eiye 9ome nails into the ceiling. Drops
the hqmmer onto his wife's head. At
last, gets the nail driven. makes wire
swing to bold the pipe, hammers little
here, pulls q little there, takes O long
breath, and announces the ceremony
completed. Job never put up any stoves.
It would have ruined his reputation if he
had, ,.g,i, ,y MARK TWAIN.
~ The Idle MAN.-The idle man is an
:9nnoyancera nuisance. He is an in
truder in the busy thoroughfare of every
day life. He stands in our path and we