The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1869-09-19
WIT AND WISDOM.

"Sal, what time do your folks dine 7" " Soon
as you goes; that's missus' orders.n
If you visit young woman, and you are
won, and she is won, you will both be one.
In making our arrangements to live, we
should never forget that we have also to die.
If we had no faults ourselves, we should not
take such pleasure in observing those of others
1t is said that mans word should DO as
good as his deed. In some cases it is, and both
worthless.
Why is it important for physician to keep
his temper Because if he did not he would
lose his patients.
"That's the rock on which we split,u said a
waggish husband to his wife when she asked
him to rock the cradle.
BE always sure of doing good. This will
make your life comfortable, your death happy,
and your account glorious
On n child being told that he must be broken
of a bad habit, he naiyely replied, Papa,
hadn't better be mendedW
Mr. Virgins being asked if he liked Goldfish
balls, hesitatingly replied "Well really, 1 do
not reeoftect having attended one"
If dull weather affects you, marry a warm
hearted girl, and make sunshine for yourself
Bachelors will find this superior to either bill
lizards or Burgundy.
The most influential man, in free country
at least, is the man who has the ability we'll
as the courage to speak what he thinks, when
occasion may require it.
A prisoner wrote to friend, "Poor Tom met
with fatal accident yesterday. He fell
through scuttle, and his neck was broken.
No blame is attached to the sheriff"
witness being interrogated as to his know
ledge of the defendant in the case, said he
knew him intimatcly-he had supped with him,
sailed with him, and horsewhipped him.
An eloquent orator proposes to grasp a ray
of light from the great orb of day, spin it into
threads of gold, and with them weave shroud
in which to wrap the whirlwind which dies
upon the bosom of our Western pfaires.-
gentleman asked lady, known to be ut
terly ignorant of languages, "Ho%did you
get along :, when n abroad to make yourself un,
French air, we had an interrupter with u.s."
An exchange says Women talk, men act"
To which another replies, " Yes, and some men
act very badly, while many women talk en-
tirely too III 1ch. compromise between the
two would be service to the cause of common
humanity"
Aunt Betsey trying to persuade little
Jackto retire at sunset, using as an argument
that the little chickens went to roost at that
time. Yes" said johnny, "but the old hen
always goes with them" Aunty tried no more
arguments with him.
"Come back, sir; that's.not the right road"
said Lord Englington TO trespasser OH his
park. DO you ken whaur Pm gaun :" said
the offender. "No," replied his lordship
E'Well, hoo the dell do We ken whether this be
the right road or moi"
city upon the bench While going circuit
tacetious lawyer named Crowle was asked if
1.-The Judge was not just behind" g don't
know" said Crowle but if he is, am sure
heNwas never just before"
In the midst of n stormy discussion, gentle
man to settle the matter in dispute.
Waving his hand majestically, he began,
" Gentlemen, all / want is common sense"
Exactly" interrupted another, " that is pre-
cisely what you do want"
An old lady on steamboat observed two
men pumping up water to wash the deck, and
the captain being near, she accosted him as
follows. cnnfAln. aboard
ell ~ Eyes, ma'am, always carry one," said the
polite captain. "Well, that's clever. always
dislike this nasty river water, especially in the
dog days" .-..-- n
pedantic fellow was complaining to>the
celebrated Lord Erskne that he had fallen
over his brothers park gate, and I'extensively
abraided the epidermis on the facial portion of
his person" His lordship) remarked that it
was a most fortunate circumstance his brothers
gate not high his style, or he would
evidently have broken his neck.
A friend of ours, visiting n neighbor found
him disabled from having a horse. step upon
his foot. Hobbling out to the stable, the suf-
>ferer explained how it happened. 81 was
standing here" and the horse brought his foot
the jured member, which of~the No. ID
pattern, and said very quietly, well, the
horse must step somewhere"
The eccentric Elder s.. well known to many |
as an active and earnest Baptist preacher, once
said from the pulpit, "They say there's no
family government nowadays. But there is
L tell you there iS-Just as much as there ever
was, but" Cleaning over the pulpit, and lower |
ing his voice into quiet and confidential tone)
'tthe difference is this, when grew up the old |
folks governed the young ones, but now the
young ones govern the old ones"
"Since what passed between u.s." said n very |.
Jealous clergyman, 81 hope you do not open |
any letter whatever on a Sunday" 81 do not" !
replied the parishioner; "you must know re-
ceived one this very morning. just as was |
leaving homo for church, but ] left it un- !
opened" "That was right; and what think
you of the service to-day-my new curate's |
reading, and my sermon on attention to reli- |
gious duties ~ Z" Indeed can hardly say; to |
tell the truth, could scarcely notice anything, |
for could not help thinking all the time what |
there might happen to be in that letter"
Washington Irving and Lewis Gaylord Clark,
while walking near Sleepy Hollow, were over
taken by storm. There was great laundering !
and lightning, and Mr.. Irving took refuge |
under n tree, asking his companion, ?" Why |
don't you come in here, and be as comfortably !
housed as / am ~ O. daren't do it, my dear |
sir" replied Mr.. Clark :" / am afraid of light
ming. Nv father was once nearly killed bV if |