The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1869-01-27

To dispel darkness from about you,
make light of your troubles.
THE man who showed his grit was
in the sand-paper line.
THE man who was caught mapping
is supposed to have been a halter.
No feather-bed soldier-One who
"reposes on his laurels."
A boarding-school miss, being I'M
we'll, deemed it vulgar to say that she
was Bilious" so she complained of
being "Williamousl"
ADVERTISING for a wife is as alb
surd as getting measured for an um-
brella. Talk up" to the dear creatures,
If you'd marry them. One-half the
world was born to marry the other
half.
AN editor says, our best things
will be found on the outside" That's
the way with the most of the world.
PUBLIC officials shouldn't uppos
documents good in proportion to their
length. The best points In many are
the beginning and end.
YOUNG LADY.-"Ohl I'm so glad
you like birds; which kind do you adj
nIlre most?' Old Squab-"W Well, |
think the goose, with plenty of stuff
ing, is about as good as any,"
THE latest definition of spade is
that agricultural implement of in
yentive genius admirably adapted for
revolving the superintendent mould
of the tellurian humus."
IDEAS" says Voltaire, "are like
boards. Men only get them when
they grow up, and women never have
any
A WESTERN editor has got such a
cold in bis head that the water freezes
on it when he washes it. 8
Mr.. SLUMM believes in the broad
guage roads, tie doesn't find any too
broad for him when he goes home
about midnight
THE following inscription is actu-
ally to be found in an ancient cemetery
In Rockville, Mass:
In memory of Jane Bent,
VINO kicked mp her heels and away she
went.
Mrs. Stacker is agood woman and
we'll; though her in
some directions are not remarkably
great. As for instance, she never
gets anywhere on time. AT the Gold
front Church, where she is a regular
attendant, she never arrives until
Rev. Mr.. Softshell is half through
his chief and most effective a
At the theatre she makes her appear
ance in the middle of the opening
act, and disturbs the fifteen people on
her tier. In dressing for dinner she
keeps the soup waiting until it is as
cool as a Fifth Avenue reception. It
IS asserted rOundly that she was FORTY
five minutes, by the Jimjam Street
clock, behind the time appointed for
her marriage, aud that her first child
wasn't born until Saturday night,
though recorded at the City Regis
trar's as upon Wednesday at Z A. NJ.
BILLINGS, the celebrated musical
composer, boosted that there was no
point connected with the science of
music that he did not understand. A
wag sent him a note, requesting an
interview with him, on a particular
day. to consult about a difficult cues
ton Ia music, which he said no other
man could answer. Billings promptly
met him, and said to him: What
ever your question may be, | pledge
myself to answer it, as there is nothing
connected with the science that
have not mastered" NV question
is an important one" replied the wag.
with the most serious face imaginable:
indeed it affects the whole world
and has never yet been answered y
Let me hear it., said Billings, grow
ing excited. cit is this, said the
other: When a man snores in his
sleep through two octayes, 50 that the
slider the sound produced to be vocal
or instrumental musie?"