davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

The Utica Observer gives the following
Glove song" which il says was written by
an innate of the State Lunatic Asylum. II
Is II remarkable production:
Gaily the tiger cat tuned his guitar,
Sorenading the magpie with feathers and tar;
Swoetly lac snee2ed at her, sonrly he sighed:
Lady bird, lady bird, wilt be my bride?h
She for the elephant sadly had pined,
Ate but an OK, and then vowed she hadn't
dined;
Carried mp a photograph closed to her heart,
Wrapped up in lObstors, bank notes and
plum tart.
At midnight the rivals met in the whale,
And fought by the light of the g~rasshopper's
tail;
Tho elephant stood on his trunk 10 take
breath,
And the tiger cat costly Rugged him to death.
Then with a cabbage-stalk boldly he wrote:
Come, love, and tread on the tail of my coat:
SEQ thine " crocodile whistling for thoe.n
He groaned gave Il gurgle-a cold corpse
was he.
Twenty-Five fires occurred in Chicago
in September.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
No. %.

Nervous debility with its gloomy attend
ants, low spirits, depression, involuntary
loss Of power, dizzy head, Toss OF memory,
and threatened impotence and imbecility,
and n sovereign euro in Humphreys Homoo-
pathic Specific, No. twenty-eight. Composed
Of the most valuable mild aud potent oura-
tyes, they strike at Cnco at the root o tho
matter, tone mp the systom, arrest the dis
charges, and impart Yigor and energy, life
and vitality, TO the entiro man. They have
cured thousands of oasos. Price SO por
packake OF six boxes and vial, which il very
important in obstinate and old cases, or 81
per single box. Sold by all druggists, and
sent by mail on receipt Of price. Address
Company, 662 Broadway, N. Y.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

How PRoF. AGAssIz COMPOUNDED A MAY
oR.-The oratien Of Prot. Agassiz upon
the character of Humboldt, delivered in
Boston, Tuesday, reminds tbs Newark Ad-
y%ertiser of an anecdote never yet put in
print. A pompous mayor of a western
city said TO him that he had himself been
deeply interested in natural science, but
the pressure Of business had prevented its
pursuit. 81 became a banker, sir, and /
am what | am" The style of grandeur in
which the words were uttered is indescrib-
able. Agassiz Immediately recited his own
history; how his father had provided n
place in n bank for him on his leaving col
lege, how he had begged first for ou6 year
moro Of study, then for another, and when
he got n third, his fate was fixed. 'And,
Mr.. W." said Agassiz, 'if il had not been
Tor that little iirmness, 1 should to-day have
been nothing but q banker" Somehow,
the mayor looked rather foolish.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
poetrD.
THE BALLAD OF A BAKER.
ny p. :. w%ILLouoHBY.

ny ?. J. WiLLoUOHBY.
--
Joe Brown, he was abaker.mau,
baker-man was Joe;
He ne'er was known 10 want for aught,
And yet he kneaded dough.
And he was rugged, hearty, too,
Aud had a long life leased,
And all because he rose up with
His early-rising yeast
To never cheat his customers
This man was early taught;
Aud yet his caves were always light.
His pie-crust rather short
And he was gen'rous hearted, too,
and kind unto the needy,
And neat and tasty i'm his dress,
Although his cakes were sccdy.
with him noue dared to handy Jokes,
Wiener he sought the marts,
For well they knew his repartees
We're sharper than his tarts.
Aud while I say his skin was great
In getting up a muffin,
His pastry filled the mouths Of all,
Aud needs no further putin.
TITS said he was q temperance man;
II 80 ICan't tell why
He mixed with wheat and corn meal, too,
A trihc Of the ryel
When age at last o'ertook the man,
His frame grew bent and sore
And. like the cake be used 10 bake,
His head was frosted DER.
And when he died an mourncd his loss.
with no sectariau bias.
For he had been q friend 90 all,
a good man and a pic-ous.
MS ErtrArH.
Beneath this crust Of uphcaycd earth
A wcll.brcd Baker lies!
Aud. like The rolls 10 used 90 mold,
We hope at last ho1l rise.
=NstB York Clipper.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
PIMPLES.

Inc unG erslgned, will eheorfully mail CBREE) 10 all
and using aelmple and neRuufnI Vegetable bnlm
plies, biOiches, and all o%ruptions aud impurities OF
,h9sA'pl leaving the same soft elo4r. smooth and beau.
duoinR, BY very simple means, a LUxUHIARr aRowTa
~ HAM on a bald head OF sIHooth face N loss than
thlrty days from hrst application. The above can bo
Obtained ~ return mai by addressing THOB, ".
ohAPMAhl Ohsmiat, 100 broadway New YORK,
T. d, boI 6lss,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
Don Pnrr, in a recent agricultural adj

dress, gave Congress the following slap:
''Ihe agricultural interest is everywhere
but in one spot. You will not find it in
Washington. Among it's painted women
and it's unprincipled men, on the floors Of
Congress, in the lobbios, about the
avenues, is 10 he found every interest but
that. During a six months residence /
never met an agricultural or n horticul-
tural man, or the representative of such.
There is an agricultural bureau, it Is true,
where n man, selected because of his
entire Ignorance Of agriculture, presides,
from which immense quantities of worth
less seeds are issued in small parcels by
designing Congressman, and from whence
comes q report that treats of everything on
Gods iootstool but the interest we have
most at heart"
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

PRETrY WOMEN comparatively few Ia
dies monOpOli2o tho beauty az well as the at
%tentlon Of r. cicty. This ought not 10 DO 40,
DuI IL 49, and viii DO while mon arc foolish,
and single out pretty faces for companions.
This can all be changed by using Hagan's
Magnolia Balm, which gives the bloom of
youth and II refined, sparkling beauty to the
complexion, pleasing, powerful and natural.
No lady need complain OF II red, tanned,
ireckled or rustic complexion whowll invest
seyonty-ilyo cents In Hagan's Magnolia Balm.
ltA effects are truly wonderful. 10 preserve
aud dross tile hair use Lyons Kathairou.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

METAL.TmpED SHOES. Shoes are an i'm
portant item in the. expense of clothing
children, MS every parent will understand.
They invariably wear out their shoes Mt the
toe first, and not unfrequently before the
shoes with Metal tips never wear out ut the
toe, and it is safe TO say that on an average
II pair with them will moro than out-wear
three pairs without them. We believe all
the shoe dealers keep them. - Herald.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

PHILADELPHIA, Oct. IL. Tho state sen-
ante will stand republicans, eighteen; dem
o%crats, fifteen. House, republicans, sixty
three; democrats, thirty-seven. Tho city
council will have n republican majority on
joint ballot of thirty. There is no data to
indicate the majority in the state, but all
the papers, except one, give it to Geary by
from five TO ten thousand.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

OHAPFED HANDS, FACE, RoudH SKIN, PM
PLEs, Ringworm, Salt Rheum, and all other
cutaneous affections cured, and tho Skin
made soft and smooth, by using the Juniper
Tar Soap, mado by CASWELL, HAZARD Il
Co.,, Now York. II in more convenient and
easily applied than other remedies, avoiding
the trouble Of the greasy compounds now In
nso. Bold by all drnRRiAtA.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
The Elections.

Columbus, o., oct. 13. Returns and
opinions o fboth parties indicate tLat Hayes
is elected by about 5000 majority.
The House is democratic aud the Senate
republican.
The democrats claim so close that il will
require an official vote TO determine who is
elected Governor.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
ERRORS on YourH

AdENTLEMEN hosuftered for years from Nervou
Debility, Premature Decay. and all the effects OF youtb,
ful indisorstion, will, for tho sake Of suffering humAnity
send FREQ 10 all who need IL, tho receipt and dirsotlops
Tor making the simple remedy by which he was cured
Wishing 70 proht by tho advertisers expert,
snoO, can do so BY addressing, In perfect Confidence
JOHN b.. OGDEN,
mibdlJ No. ~ OadAr street, Nav York
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

A CHEMICAL EXPERIMENT. When Isaac
Hopper, amember ofthe Society of Friends,
met a boywith n dirty face or hands, he
would stop him, and inquire if he ever stud
led chemistry. The boy, with q wondering
stare, would answer "No." "Well then,
] will teach thee how to perform n curious
chemical experiment. said Friend Hopper.
$50 home, take a piece of soap, put in
water, and rub it briskly on thy hands and
face. Thou hast no idea what a beautiful
froth ii will make, and how much whittier
thy skin will be. That's a chemical exper.
iment. l advise thee TO try it."
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
Thanksgiving PROCLAMATION.
WASHINGTON, Oct. 8.-By tho President
Of the United States,

WASHINGTON, Oct. S.-By tho President
of the United States,
A PROCLAMATION
The year which il drawing 10 a close has
been free from pestilonce; health has pro.
vailed throughout tho land. abundnnt cron.
reward tho labor of tho husbandmen: conn
merco aud manufacturers have successfully
prosecuted their peaceful paths; the mines
and forests have yielded literally; the nation
has increased in wealth and in strength:
peace has prevailed, and itH blessings have
advanced every interest of the pe0pIc i'm
every part Of the Union; harmony and FIN
ternal intercourse are restored, and ave oblii-
Grating themarks Of tho past conflict and cg-
arrangement; burdens have been lightCnpd.
means increased, aud civil and religions lib
erly are secured to every inhahitant of the
land whose soil IL tr0d by none but lrecmen.
IL becomes q people thus favored 10 make
acknowledgement to the supreme Author
lrom whom such blessings how Of their ora.
lllldC ana Their dependence, 10 render praise
and Thanksgiving for the Same, and duvoutly
To lmplurc q continuance Of Gods mprDica.
Therefore, !, Ulysses 8. Grant, President
Of the United States, do recommend that
Thursday, the eighteenth day oil November
next, be observed ms a day OF Thanksgiving
and Of praise and prayer 10 Almighty God.
the Creator and the Ruler Of the universe; aud
Second. do further recommend 10 ali the
people OF the United States TO assemble on
,iaI uay ll theii accustomed places or pub
lie worship, and TO unto in the homage and
praise due the bOuutiful Father OF all mercy.
and IN teryont prayer for the continuance ni
tho blessings be has yOuchsafrd 10 ua as a
people.
In testimony whereof, / have h]ercunto set
my hand and caused the sea- OF the United
states to be aihxed, THE, the fifth day Of Oc-
tober, A. ID. 1869, and Of the Independence OF
the United States Of America the ninety
ioutth' u. s.. GRAST.
HAMILTON FIsH, Secretary ofglato.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

LOUIS N~APoLEoN's HoME-Of Napole-
on's home Mt ST. Cloud n Paris correspond
ent writes: ellis Maiesty's private apart
ments are most simple, andcomprise a bed
room, u d~ressing-room, and a cabinet de
hdUdH. If il were not for souvenirs of Ma
poloon ]. and Queen Hortenso nobody
would suspect this TO be the Emperor's cab
met. His Majesty indinerently uses quill
or steel pens; and while he writes he scat
ters the residua of his cigarettes
on the inkstand plate. No people
can be more united than the
three chief inmates of the Palace de ST.
Cloud; and, when politics and etiquette
can be laid aside, no happier father, moth
or, and son can anywhere exist. The Em-
press and Prince enter the Emperor's room
rs soon as Felix, the lrst valet de chambrc,
has let them know that his master is mp
which, just now, il generally between Z
and s n. m. NJ. Conneau friend rather
than n physician-M. Conti-both n friend
and q secretary-and Gen. Malerbe, follow
soon after. The latter comes TO take orders
for the day, including the bill of fare for
the breakfast and dinner. But ut all times
the dishes arc Of the simplest description,
chiefly roast meats, and whatever they are
Napoleon III. is always content"
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

THE PuREsT AND SwEETEsT Con LIVER Oh
IN THE WORLD il Hazard a. Oaswells made
on the sea shore, from fresh, selected liyors.
by CASWELIh HAZARD n Co., Now York,
II IL absolutely pure and s,Deet. Parties who
have once takon il prefer IL TO all others
Physicians have decided it superior 10 any of
the other oils in market. Sold by all drug
ff.tg
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
Lnngnnec of illc Cnnn.

As there has been giyenR language Of the
handkerchief and one OF the fan, it is only
right that the Language of the cane"
should be understood by our young gents.
An ingenious, and no doubt ingenious,
youth inyents the following:
Throwing it around the fingers in the
left hand-I wish to speak to YOU
Throwing it around the fingers in the
right hand-Dosiro an acquaintance.
Putting the head in the mouth love
you.
Knocking vita great force on the ground
I hate You.
Holding it top and bottom in both hands
Wait for me.
Putting it ON the right shouldor-Follow
me.
Putting it on the left shoulder-Tm en-
gagged.
Dragging it behind, on the ground We
will be friends.
Handing it to n person by tho lower end
I will accept You.
Handing IT TO u person by the head
reject you.
Holding it in both hands and bendingit
! love another.
Holding it bottom upwards, in front of
you-My heart in thine.
Holding it ia both hands across the
shoulders Look at me.
FNrrESING HOES WITHOUT CoRN. The
present year-is Il romarkableon for iaiien-
ing pork in west. That old standby
article, corn, IL by no means plenty this
season; and II IL 10 fed 10 hogs ut present
prices II should be put in the best coudi-
uoh ior making the most pork possible. II
may not pay 10 grind and cook corn 10 be
fed to hogs when il III only worth twenty
cents per bushel. but when II sells for
eighty or ninety cents there is littlequeslion
about the economy of thus preparing il.
Bat there NE other things besides corn,
nom which pork can be made, rs the New
England farmer well knows. The crop of
potatoes this year ii very abundant, and If
pains are taken to boil and masb
then with a little meal, or wheat bran
or %middlingH, very good pork NAV be
made from very little or no corn. The
same 10 true Of beets, carrots and other ca
cnlent roots. Hogs, too, are very fond of
boiled pumpkins aud Hquashes and will
leave corn 10 go to them Wind falls OF
apples and other fruit can also be convert
cd into pork. The meal Of oats, buck
wheat, peas and beans are all used by our
n%eighbors in the Dominion for making
pork, and there IL no reason why they NAV
not be thus rendered available by M. There
has been a good deal of barley raised this
geason, and owing 10 the unflvorable wealth
or, much Of il has become so blackened
that it will not be bought by the brewer;
rather than sell it at an extremely low price
grind it mp and feed il to the hogs. Its
color Is no objection for pork making.
Prairie Farmer.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

b Dr., Il. V, PIERcE, OF Buffalo, N. Y, has
discovered. residing in a very common little
plant found growing by the roadside, a medi-
cihal principle which aurpasacs everything
heretofore known for the cure Of all severe
Coughs and for Minister'S Sore Throat,
Lhryngitis, Bronchitis, and Consumption in
lts early stages. IL Is called nr. Pierce's Al
l6ratiye Ext net, or Golden Medical DiscOy-
cry, and IS cold by druggists, or send there
and a quarter dollars 10 the discoyerer, and
get three bottles FREQ OF express charges.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

WE WOULD call tho attention OF produce
dealers to the advertisement of W. N. Rico,
which, TO say the least, present some features
unusual in the commission line. Better drop
Shin a line,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

Mr.. John Swinton, for ten or twelve
years one OF the editors Of the New York
Times, the conductor of ils noted "Minor
Topics column, and the trusted personal
ana confidential friend of Governor Ray
mond, has just resigned disposition on that
journal.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

HALLET, DAVIS y Co., Piano Forte Makers,
272 Washington street, Boston. Thirty-lye
rantod for nyo years. Price less than and
other frst-class make in the United States.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

PRIyATE medical aid, mRead DR., Winters
advertisement,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

The Crispin Cooperative Boot and
Shoe Manufacturing Co., of Chicago, with
a capital stock of S25, 900, has been organ
ICED.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

IAOFIHIUH NIAdd VUIIFH N UYtIyWnY ~
good as tho GLACIERS diamond, and not half
M eXpenalyo. Cuts glass in all shapes as
readily az the diamond. rs easily handled.
Anyone can use it,. Everyone should hay0it.
Every farmer should have one. Every mer-
chant should have ono. Every honseLeep6r
should have 0ne. Every mechanic shOuld
have one. The best thing ever invented TO
cut glass with. A big thing for agents. Send
Sl.5Oand got n sample. Agents wanted. Ad-
dress, j q. Hill, No. 2 Nixon's Exchange
Chicago, III.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
A GOOD FAMILY MEDICINE.

ALLEN'S ORLEBRA LUNG BALgAN-
Cares 09nghss Colds and Consumption.
ALLEN CELEBRd ING B1LSAM-
Cures bronchitis, Asthma and Oropn.
ALLENS OELEbRATED LUNG BILSAM-
k4lparts strength 20 the systom.
ALLENB n LIMO BALg1N-
q pleasant 10 take.
ALIENS CELEBRATED LUNG BALSAN-
always gives satisfaction or the money will be refunded.
~ 10 recommended by prominent physioiAnsi and yhiIs
u IL pleasant 20 take and harmless IN lis nature, Il N a
For sale by all Dfuggists.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

An INTERESTING PAPER. Few paperspub-
lisned in this or any other country can
compare in excellence and interest with the
New York Weekly. The serial stories pub
lished in its columns are written by the
fun is furnished by Josh Billings and Doe
sticks, the short stories, sketches and de-
partments are always readable, and the H.
Illustrations are invariably fine specimens of
art. The present is a good time TO sub
scribe for the New York Weekly, az by
reference TO the advertisement in another
column it will DO seen that "The Boy
Whaler. or, The Young Rovers," by Leon
Lewis, has Just been commenced in its
columns.
Chicago IL going to build a Bridewell
at a cost OF $3.50, 900.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

lively ut present, with Grip Van Winklo'i
tho Opera House, '"rho Woman in Red
at Woods, "Arrah-na-poguc' at McNickcr'a,
and the minstrcls at the Dearborn. H.,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

ADVERTISING. There il no donbt that
the great lever in the extension of n busi-
ness, IN these go.ahead times, isadyertiainp:
bnt IN the immense popularity Of that cele-
DRAFTED remedy for dyspepsia, liver com.
plant, nervous debility, Nc, Hooland'g
German Bitters, IL not 30 much owing 10
the fact that it has beon extensively ndyer.
ticle.
A worthless medicine may, through pub
LEFTY, acquire a short-liyed notoriety. Int
IT requires the basis Of true merit in order
to sustain itself for any considerable length
OF time. Hollands German Bitters Ina
been known to the American public for
more than twenty years; each day ADDING
some new proof Of it's virtues and great
curative properties. Tho Bitters il entire
ly free from all alcoholic admixture.
Hollands German Tonic is a combine
ton of all the ingredients of the Bitters,
with pure Santa Graz rum, orange, anise,
NC, making q preparation of rare medical
value. The Tonic is used for the same
diseases rs the Bitters, in cases where some
alcoholic stimulus is necessary.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
THE GREATEST
M MEDICAL
or rhE AGF.
DIR. KENNEDY'S RHEUMATIC
AND NEURALGIA DISsOLVENT.

80" NN'HNa
DIR. KENNEDY's RHEUMATIC
AND NEURALGIA DISsOLVENT.
Reader, yau may consider this a sort OF opssad eagle
heAdlnkt nut I mean oyoiy word OF 10. I have h6ou
thoro. Whom your syatsm Il racked with
RHEUMATIC
pain, aud you cannot even turn yourself In bod. or oil.
tnR in a chair, you muat ait and suti0r, In the morniT n
Wishing Il was night, aud At night Wishing II was moln-
ing Whom you have
NEURALGIA,
when every nerve in your boing is like tho sting Of =
wasp, circulating the most gsnOmous and hot Iint,o,
around your heart, aud driving you b the very ysIgs al
madness When you have the
sCIATICA,
(that ! have uat got through WITH tbEt most aUfut
most heart WithOrlnR, most strength destroying, inosf
upiHthrsaklng and mnd'weAkeniDg o. ali diseases thai
can Ahllot our poorhulnan nature; When you have the
LUMBAGO,
lying and writing In agony aud pain, unAble 10 turn
yourself Ia bod and every movement will 30 10 your
healt IKE knhsi nov toll me-. II Teliot and cure OF aLy
Medical Blessing OF the Ago, toll us what Isl
"DIiEOTIONsT TO USE will take tablespoon.
tul and three Bpoonfuls OF water three times a day, and
ia a lew dAis ever particle Of rheumatic and neuTAlRiO
pain will bo dissolved aud pass of by tho kidneys.
Manufactured by DON LID hENhEnf,
hONbn' Y, Ma NJ.
WHOLESALE AGENTS fuller, Finch a Ia Ter. Lord
a Smith, E 4. Dryer A Co., Burnhams 4 Van SohaAef'
HurlbuTt A Edaall, rOlmau 4 King, chicago, Green A
Button, hioo & RisinR, Bosworth 4 Son, Dohmen a
Moves Bios, ~ Pail uollins h.og Y. n. WstEsi,
Meyers Bros IT. Louis; Moore a Tarbet, JunfsTmsn.
AtrStSh BY ali drugsisls, Pace, sl,O,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

has boon magnificent for a few days. Ycgo-
tation in still green, and flowers bloom M in
gupnp,sp
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
FAMILY CASES

O35 70 co large uidls, morocco or rossiCood case,
c0ntdtntngd SpccGc yOr euery ordinary disease
Smaller Family and Travelling Gases. with @to > ~
. iNN.s af s.sst.. - afstssssssss t s.ss4ss lrotm 20 TO rs
SPECIFICS Tor all Private Diseases, both Tor curing
and for preventive treaimsnLin walls and pocket
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22
No. 10.
sIMILIA sIMILIBUs CURANTUR.
uUmPHREYs'
HOMEOPATHIC DEHIEIHc

V PROVED, RON II MOST AMPLE
y oIpeuenee, an ontire success: S~impls-Prompt-
tu1ctent and Reliable. They are tho only Modioinas
perfectly adapted 10 popular usa- 50 simple that ma
lakes cannot bo made In using them go harmless AZ 10
he free from danger, and 90 efficient as 10 be aiwa,s
reliable. They have raised the highest oommendatiop
from All, aud will always reader satisfaction
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-10-22

Chicago IL going to build a Bridewel
at a cost Of $3.50, 900,