The central Presbyterian. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1856-1908, 1869-10-20
The Sponge.

A correspondent wishes to submit these
remarks on the individuals who have habit
of absorbing other peoples time, or proper
ty, in way so perfectly easy and natural,
that it is not called stealing, when it ought
to be:
There are several species of the sponge.
| will speak of one or two. First is the in
voluntary, natural sort of sponge. He is a
sponge and don't know it. He goes every
where, and everywhere he goes he carries
his inevitable absorbing propensity. You
cannot be a merchant long before you see
one Of the village sponges rolling himself
into your store, and squatting himself in
your best chair, by the side of your sugar
barrel, or raiSn box, and then as natural as
breathing he will begin absorbing, first your
time, by discussing the question, whether
"Peter Jones really did run away with Betsy
Johnson, or "whose hen can lay the biggest
egg, and second your sugar and raisins.
AS coolly and naturally as sponges can, just
after the preparation of a joke, and he
and you are giggling, he will lift the cover
of the barrel and confscate a marvellous
mouthful Of your superfne muscovado.
You cannot certainly have been student,
or minister, without having made the ac-
quaintance of scores of this species. If a
student, you cannot have been one long, be-
fore having all your oil absorbed by sponges,
who, if YOU make a dreadful fuss, will-ab-
sorb somebody elses oil to pay you. 1t will
never answer to buy books in college, for if
sponges do not gobble them up entirely, SO
that you can never see them again, they will
certainly borrow them so many times as to
unfit them for your own library.
Or, if they don't do that, they will wait
to read by your light, warm themselves by
your fire, pile themselves on your lounge,
stay till twelve or one o'clock, notwithstand-
ing several hints to leave, stay till you com
pei them to go, and then want to borrow
four or five matches or a postage stamp as
parting token.
But the minister suffers most from this
pest. He is thought to be so meek, and
obligng, that his natural safeguard against
such is taken away. The consequence is,
every wandering book peddler finds his way
to the ministers, and settles down upon him
horse, luggage, and worst of all his own ab-
sorbing company. And the American Tract
Society, and Bible Society, and Freedmans
Union are yearly commissioning armies of
these sponges, who not only suck out from
the peoples pocket what they ought willingly
to give, but absorb from the minister's SUBJ
stance what he ought not to give. Who ever
lived long enough at a minister's house with
out learning that "agents" are either dreaded
or despised?
But there is another kind of sponge
the scandalous gossipng sponge. These will
travel around the town absorbing all the Sc
crets that are absorbable. He or she flor
these spODges are both masculine and femi-
nine) will gently pump out of you what you
think of your ncighbor, and then upon being
squeezed little by that neighbor will let it
all out.
You and your neighbor will quarrel and
Sir Sponge drink in the particulars and let
them out to some third person. Thus
spouges become the instigators and perpe-
traitors of neighborhood feuds.
| might add that these sponges are almost
always great disorders of rum, tobacco, etc.,
and that it does not require any squeezing
to induce them to leave their mark on the
floor in the shape of tobacco juice and guilds
AdUdnce.