The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1869-06-16

: like birds which kind do you admire most?"
Matter of fact old gent: well, think the turkey
with plenty of shifting, is about good as any"
Opponents to innocent amusements, upon the score
that they waste time which might be useully employed,
are respectfully referred to Sydney Smiths views of
the Gradgrnd games. IT," said be, "everytbiug is
be sacrificed to utility why do you bury your grand
mother at all? Why don't you cut her up into small
pieces at once, and make portable soup of herr"
n. O. Times.
Body notwithstanding away with sweetheart.
The Ohio farmer, with his gang pillow, seated high
up in ease and comfort without the fear of soiliug his
boots plows out two rows of eorn--ten burrows at
once-while Mississippan will walk ten times over
the ground at the expense OF his shoes, if not
his toe-nas to accomplish the work.
{ a Kentucky man went over to Indiana to procure
stone for the grave of his SON. and insisted that the
inscription which g was writ by the family should
be - cut out Just that way" The following is the
poem prepared
q He died at nashville tennessee
he died of kronc diaree
i it trooiy painful must of bin
/ to die SO fur away from hum.
A letter from Bryan, Wyoming Territory, says
You can see at almost any town. notices from vgi-
lance committees for certain persons to leave town.
, had quite laugh few days since The committee
waited on a man they call Wild Bill and gave him
fifteen minutes to leave town. Bill got his mule
and said, " Gentlemen, if this id mule don't baulk
| | don't waTt but five
WHAT TEXAS WOMAN IS DolNG.-Mrs Eva Lam
caster, Of Navasota, keeps good hotel, large milf
merry establishment, and edits with sprghtliness the
Weekly Ranger. Evidently she has her hands full
but the varied duties of her position are discharged
with cheerulness and fidelity She deserves success
and her industry might be initiated with advantage by
many of her own and the sterner sex.
JOURNALISTIC SLIDING SCALE OF ABUsE-When
Napoleon escaped IRON EIba the Moniteur, then ed
I :. 81,
! Napoleon: "The anthropoptlagist" has escaped ::
the Corscan ogre" has landed the tiger coming
the monster" has slept at Grenoble; the .'tyrant"
has arrived LYONS; the usurper' has been seen in
the environs of Paris Bonaparte advances towards
but will never enter the capital " Napoleon will be
| under ramparts tomorrow the " Emperor has
arrived at Fontalnebeau; and lastly His Imperial
| Majesty" entered the Tueries on the 2lst of March,
| in the midst of his faithful subjects.
! The hight Of mpudence has been attained BY Con-
neccu attorney, who lost all his money at faro bank
in Hartford, complained of the place to the police got
his money back and took the same money TO the same
place the same night to play again.
The attempt to mixed schools is destined to
result in the total destruction of our public school
system Wherever the thing has been attempted in
other States such has been the result. The Alabama
College, the South Carolina College and the North
Carolina College all at time among the most -four
shing educational institutions in the country are now
with scarcely pupil to teach. N. q. Times.
An itinerant quack doctor in Texas was applied to
by of Hays rangers extract the iron point of an
Indian arrowhead from his head where it had been
lodged for some time. 81 cannot stract this stranger"
said the DOCTOR bekase to do would 60 nigh KILN
+you; but tell you what can do l can give you
pill that will melt it in your head
An Englishman says: THE fair young English girl
of the past-the ideal of womanhood of home, birth,
and breeding-has passed away, and is replaced by
| j
first article of her personal religion; whose sole idea
of life is pleasure and luxury, and whose dress is the
object of such intellect as she possesses"
Jamaica negro fell asleep in the hold of
vessel inst leaving Aspinwall, and remained there
without food water, until reaching New York. nine
days He had hard and hungry time of it, as the
matches fastened down that his cries could not
be heard, and the cargo, consisting of WOOL hides
motber-ofpearls, india aud grass rope did not
afford much sustenance, Exchange
The rope ought to have sustained him!
Carottas fixed idea is that she is still in Mexico
She tires of saying her attendants Gan YOU
are prisoners; but am watching you too close for
you to do me any harm" For while she absolutely
refused to take food but such her sisterilaw the
Queen of Bell ium had already had in her mouth The
kndhearted Queen fed her in that way for five weeks
PATENT REMEDY.-Buter's queer idea that war
with England would be profitable to the country by
stopping importations is lamentably absurd. 1t re-
sembles tie butchers for mad dog-cut off his |
tail just behind the ears. New Orleans Times
1t is rumored that if the bill introduced by Lord |
Russell, for the creation Of life peerages becomes
law, one Of the first peerages created will be offered to
Mr. Dickens. Ex
We shall lose all respect for him if he accepts it,
About seven years ago two sisters-in-law, got into
dispute over baking they engaged in, and vowed
speak to each other again. Though they have
both lived toeathpr in the hnnoa
ing at the same table and engaged in work side by
side, they have never addressed remark to each
other or in any way recognised each others presence
Exchange.
Models of Womanhood
at is beauty's privilege to kill time, and times
privilege to kill beauty" But beauty has the worst
of it, for time is not " set back particle by being
killed.
QUEER REVELATION IN A CRIMINAL TRIAL.-A Paris
correspondent to the New York World says:
The town has been touched this week by an Incident
revealed during criminal trial. young lad Of six
teen years old was clerk in merchants Office An
old clerk, dismissed for misconduct persuaded him to
steal from his masters till. One day he was sent out
to collect draft for $4,000 As soon as he had pock
eted the money he the old clerk and pretend
ing that his plumber amounted to only $1,000 proposed
they should amuse themselves. They divided the
money between them, and set for Bordeaux where
they greatly amused themselves. In few days thew
parted, and the lad OF sixteen went TO Toulouse His
first visit was, of course, to a brothel. say of
course for is notorious that criminals after the
commission of a crime resort to those places that
grave crime is reported to the police here
than all of these houses are explored The woman he
met in the Toulouse brote much surprised to
see so young in possession of a large amount of
money, she told him he coula have come honestly
by it, He for some time sustained the contrary but
she SO in in her exhortaons to repentance
and to restore the stolen property before all of it was
wasted that he at last confessed the truth She then
persuaded him to go to some good clergyman repeat
bis confession and ask advice. In order that his good
resolutions might not cool she went with him to the
and remained the door until he had made
his communication The lad placed $4,000 in the cer.
symans hands and returned Paris and surrendered
himself to justice. Who would have expected to find
good angel in such sewage? $
Breton peasant on his way to Paris, stopped at
oarber's shop in Rambouilet While the barber was
rapping his the peasant noticed dog sitting
lear his chair and staring at him fxedy.
What is the matter with that dog said the peasant
that he stares at me = j
The barber answered with an unconcerned air
That dog is always there. You see when cut off s