Des Arc weekly citizen., 1869-02-02
sAEMAGUXDE.

is given to sporting, wants 10 know when the "AugIo-saxon raee,' so much talked about. Is 10 come oE
 gE-The Boston Transcript says, we apprehcnd that proof-readets are real ly the only persous who read every word Of yoluninous public documents, and they are paid for doing it.
 sas- Brigham Young has publicly notified the printers of Salt Lake City that if they publish his remarks with out allowing him first to revise them, he will net consider them his friends.
 sSs- When is woman called an old maid2 When virgin (verging) near forty.
 ngWhen are young ladies with brilliant eyes. very powerfall 7 They oft fasten eight tiescnate) men
 11F Speaking of the newspaper discus sion concerning the adulteration of milk, Punch gives his opinion that the best article on milk is-eream
 gss-Jones: "AIr. Smith, I wish to speak to you privately. Permit me to take you apart for q few moments" Smith (who isn't in the least frighten- ed } Certainly, sir, if you'll promise to put me together again.
 ssy@ A noted politician was one asser- ting his entire indifference to tho opinions of his opponents, and their personal abuse. .sWhy," said he, "a man likened me the other day to Judas Iscariot, but 1 don't care" ~ es," said a bystander, but how does Judas feel about it?
 sag- \ modern lhilosopher, having in mind the motion of the ear on it's axis at seventeen miles second, says that if you lift your hat in the street to bow to friend, you goseventeen miles bare headed
 asrA poor family in New Haven was found the other day dining on boiled dog.
 JUsT FOR A CHANGE.-S.Mother, can't go mia have my daguerreotype taken No I guess it isn't worth while" "Well, then, you might let mo go and have tooth pulled; l never go !"
 Ga54"Who's there 2" said Robinson, one cold winter night, disturbed in his repose by some one knocking at the street door.
 "A friend" was he answer
 What do you wants'
 Want to stay here all night"
 Queer taste of yours, and ain't it But stay there by all means was the benevolent rejoinder.
 Bzs@ A late philosopher says that if will make a woman swear, il is looking for her night cap after the lamp is blown out.
 asg-The attitude of Congress toward Andy and of Andy toward Congress one of the showman's &C., count of Daniel and the Lions. ''You will observe, my little dears' that Daniel is not afraid of the lions and as for the lions, they don't care - for Daniel"
 Esg~An iratc mother being asked why she whipped her children so much, replied, ''to make them smart"
 
 s@y-A prize of two dollars was re- gently offered to any member of the Connecticut Teachers Institue who would write and spell correctly the words in the following sentence: ''It is an agreeable sight to witness the un- parallcled embarrassment of har- rasscd pcddler attempting to gauge the symmetry of peeled onion whieh q sibylhas stabbed witha poniard regard less of the inuendoes of the lilies of comedian huc.' Thirty eight teachers competed for the prize, but not one was successful.
 --GS-'l wonder how they make lucifer matches P said Mrs. Caudle.
 The process is. very sinple,r said Mir. Caudle; "l once made one.
 How did you manage it:' she asked
 By leading you to the altar" replied MT. Caudle.
 B@g- A California editor, participat- ing in debate as to the best method of building bridge, objected to cofier dam for making the piers. He said he early formed preiudic against the thing. His uncle once had COW choked with a turtiip, and for long time it was thought that she would cotier dam head off.
 Gsg~"Whyam like Texas ?. said the Miss Star to a bashful wooer. don't know. said the green one. Because am lone star, Then said the fellow, brightening up, "let me propose annexation.'
 Gs5~Jonas says opera music don't have any more effect on him than Ayers pills on grayen image.
 ssS~ Every man Is little world within himself; and in this little world their is a court of iudicature erected wherein next under God, the conscience sits as the supreme judge from whom their is no appeal that passeth sentence upon all our aetions-upon all our intentions for our persons absolving one condemning another: for our ac- tions allowing one for bidding anotherl If that condemns us ;,in vain shall all