Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1869-10-01
The Hornet.
by JOSH Billings.

THE hornet is a inflamible bugger, sud
den in his impreshuns and hasty in his
conclusion, or end.
His natral disposishen iz warm cross
between red pepper in the pod aud fusil
oil, and hiz moral bias IL, git out oy mi
way"
They hav long, black boldly, divided
in the middle by a waist spot, but their
phisilIal importance lays at the terminus
of their suburb, in the shape of javelin.
This javelin il alwuz loaded, and stands
reddy to unload at a minuits warning, and
enters man az still az thought, az spry az
litening, and az full oY melancholy az the
toothake. f.-
Hornets never argy case; they settle
awl ov their differences oy opinyun by let
ting their javelin fly, and are az certain to
hit as mule IL.
This testy kritter lives in congregations
numbering about one hundred souls, but
whether they are male or female, or con-
servative, or matched in bonds ov we'd
lock, or whether they are Mormons, and
good many oy them king together and
keep one husband to save expense, don't
kno nor don't kare. fE frs
never hav examined their habits
much, | never kOnsdered il healthy.
Hornets bili their nest wherever they
take a nosliun to, and seldom are dis
! turbed, for what would it profit a man to
kill 80 hornets and hav the one hundredth
one hit him with hiz javelin?
They bid their nests oy paper, without
emmy windows to them or back doors.
They hay but one place Oy admission, and
the nest IL the shape oy an overgrown
pineapple, and IL cut upinto just as menny
bedrooms as their IL hornets.
in OF 10 10 a no % M
] If you kan, but will wager emmy man 800
dollars he kant bid one that he could sell
to hornet for half price. ~
Hornets are az bizzy as their second
couzzins, the bee, but what they are about
the Lord only knows; they don't lay up
emmy honey, nor emmy money; they seem
to be bizzy only jist for the sake oY work
ing all the time they are alwus in az
much oy a hurry az tho they waz going
for dokter. .-.
| suppose this uneasy world would grind
around on its aXle-tree onst in "a hours
even ef there want emmy hornets, but hOr
nets must be good for sumtldng, but l can
think nov what it IL.
Thare hain't been bug made yet il
vain, nor one that want a good job, thart
IL ever lots ov human men loafng arounC
blacksmith shops, and cider mills, all ave
the country, that don't seem to be neces
sary for anything but TO beg plug tobacc'
and 4w@r, and steal NYater-melons, bu
= yu let the cholera break out once ant
then yu win sec the wisdom Of haYinl
jist sich men laying around they hch
count 30 0UTf.VF p u.fgss
Mex tew the cockroach, who stands tey
the head, the hornet haz got the mos
waste stummuk, in reference tew the res
| ov his body, than emmy ov the insec pOpu
, lashun, and here IL another mystery
. what on 'arth duz a hornet want SO mute
! reserved corps fors .I..r.
. l have jist thought-tew carry hiz javC
: lin in; thus yu see, the more we diskove
g about things the more we are apt to know
.Itiz always good purchase tew pa
e out our last surviving dollar for wisdun
! and wisdum is like the MYSTERIOUS hen
, egg, it amt laid in yure hand, but IL lai
away under the barn, and yu have got te'
; sarch for it. ..rr.
m The hornet IL an unshOshal kuss, he
more naughty than he IL proud, he IL
! thoroughbred bug, but his breeding an
{ refinement has made him like sum 9th,
l folk kno ov, dissatisfied with himself an
g every boldly else, too much good breedin
> ackts this way sometimes. 7,1a
G Hornets are long-liyed-I kant state N
how long their lives are, bHtI know fro
Y instinkt and obseryashun that emmy kritte
7 bejhe bug or be he devil, who il mad a
c the time and stings every good chance !
= kan gH, generally, outliYes all his naber
e b The only good way TO git at the eol,
fitelng weight oY the hornet IS tew tutc
= him, let him hit you once with his jayeli
G and you will be willing 10 testify in couI