Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-11-19

heart you can probably take hers.
A couple recently walked twenty
eight miles i'm Illinois to find JUS
tice to marry them.
A green hand at hotel in Elmira.
last week, was sent around to the
hardware stores, to buy wicks for the
gas burners. A wicked trick.
A Detroit girl, who screamed
"murder" when her lover Rugged
her, has been fined $25-an awful
warning.
A journeyman blacksmith says he
has been striking for hire wages
these twenty years, with uniform
success.
A gold (?) watch and chain can
now be purchased on Broadway for
twenty cents. mo family should be
without one"
In the three Iowa Conferences of
the Methodist Church there are about
$50 travelling ministers and Al, 900
members.
Oskaloosa has q lazy club, which
fines its members dollar for speak.
ing to q man or the street without
leaning against wall.
An old bachelor seeing the words
families supplied" over the door of
shop stopped in and said that he
would take wife and two children.
In describing new organ, a coun-
try editor says. 1.-THE swell died away
delicious suffocation. like one sing
ing a sweet song under the bed
Clothes"
The Boston Post thinks that the
lady in the woman's rights move
meut, who wears No. IA shoes,
should be elected to crush out oppo-
sition.
Johnny Is just beginning to learn
geography. He says that the Poles
live partly at one end of the globe
and partly at the other. He knows it
is so, because it is marked on the map.
A wag out West who read that dry
copperas put in bed of ants would
cause them to leave, put some in his
mother-in-law's bed to see If she
wouldn't go. He says she was there
at last accounts.
"My boy" said a clergyman,
"don't you know that it is wicked to
catch fish on Sundays" Guess I
hain't sinned much yet," said the
boy, without taking his eye from the
cork, "hain't had q bite"
''If there is anything under the
canister of heaven that hold i'm ut.
ter excresence," said Mrs. Darlington,
''it is the slanderer, going about like
n boa constructor, circulating his cal.
omel upon honest folks"
The following was found posted on
the walls of country post-oflice:-
"I.ost-a red KAT He had white
spot Oh of his behind leggs. He
was she kat / will give thre shil'
lings to evriboddi wot will bring hyn
home"
A darkey's account of sermon -
"Well, sah, de serman was upon d.
miricles of de 1oaves fishes. De min
lister said how de 1000 loaves and d.
5000 fishas divided between Dc
twelve apostles; an de miriele was
dat dey didn't bustT'
In the midst of stormy discus
sion, a gentleman rose to settle the
matter in dispute. Waving HE hand
Inajestically he began, Gentlemen,
all l want is common sense" "Ex-
actly," interrupted another, "that is
precisely what you want"
The Cheyenne Argus apologies
for an error printed in that sheet re.
speeding the Worrell Sisters" The
types represented them as display.
ing their lutte nakedness," when
they should have said, " displaying
their little Lalla Rookhedness."
An old lady on q steamboat oh
served two men pumping up water
to wash the deck. and the captain
being near, she accosted him as fol-
lows: "Well, captain, got a well
aboard, ell % 81 Yes ma'am, always
carry one" said the polite captain.
"Well that's clever, always dislike
this nasty river water, especially in
dog days.
In the good time coming, when
women have all their rights, an
nouncements like the following will
be frequent: died, in the thirty
fifth year of his age, Mr.. John Smith,
was a meek and quiet husband, be-
loved for his graces of cultivated
and trained nature. He excelled in
the domestic virtues; as cook he
was surpassed by few; as nurse he
was equalled by none"
A young man, accompanied by his
lady love, stopped at a st. Louis
boarding house for dinner, the other
day. Never having seen fish balls.
he handed one to his lady, under the
impression that it was a doughnut.
After breaking his own open. lie
carefully examined it, then s4nelt of
it, and with a sepulchral voice said :
Matilda, don't eat that doughnut;
there is something dead in this!"
DIR. Lyman Beecher once said: "a
great many protested Christians have
no other idea of religion than that it
is the means of getting to heaven
when they die. AS to doing any
thing for God while they live, it
does not enter into their plans.
tell you, my bretheren, I do not be-
ievs there is one in five hundred OF
such professors that will reach
heaven; for there is magnanimity
in true religion that is above all ouch
contemplate meanness."
A gay young physician in Iowa
has just died from using hair dye.
For four years previous to his death
lac had used the dye. In his liver
and kidneys were found lead, the
mineral basis of the nnisnn Con,