Middletown transcript., 1869-09-18

arc rushing upon, with all our civilization
our natural selection" our 1" sta
dust" our geology, our steamboats,, Pa.
cific railroads, our telegraphs by sea an,
land, our" Velocipcdes."
o Fred, your head is SO full of veloci
pede, you drag it into the most inoppor
tune subjects. You have velocipede OF
the brain; if you carry it to such exces
you'll soon have water ON the brain, ant
then you can set up a mill with you
wheels and your watcr-power combined
Velocipedes La they are another de-
lightful invention delightful to the riders
and reTy delightful to ladies like myself
rho are not so active as they have been
to 60 out FOR peaceable promenade on oul
own pavements, and find ourselves borne
down upon in every direction by a lot Of
vehicles, tearing and whizzing like mad
and we hopping this way and jumping
that, more lively than if we were DANCING Q
a hornpipc, and halloed to to L" get out of
the way" enough to drive us frantic, and
as if we were no better than dogs, and
lodging to the right to be run into on the
left, and coming home on a shutter after
all. Humph I'd as soon they'd turn the
hacks and 'busses, and all on the side
walks and be done with it. l expect every
hospital in the city will be full Of mangled
babies and broken-limbed pedestrians be-
fore the summer is over. I'm going to
get up petition to the mayor to totally
forbid the use of velocipedes on our side
walks.
" You expect to go to your place of bu-
siness on yours every day ?" Not if l
have still any influence in restraining YOUR
conduct. Why cannot you go quietly
down in the stage, as you've done all your
life, instead of making a spectacle of your
self, and running the risk of broken
nose, or worse-a neck? All, my boy,
you needn't tell me why you've that great
piece of courtplaster on the bridge of your
nose. | haven't said anything, but l
knew, the moment you came into supper,
that you'd been riding one of those wild
things, and it had insisted on trying to
surmount lamp-post. Ha! yes, and Vi
oletta and myself were watching you be-
hind the curtain when you attempted to
sail by here, yesterday, SO gracefully,
which ended in your going down the area
and denting the area door with your head
You got Jane to pump cold water on your
head, and say nothing about it, and we
laughing to kill, at the top of the stairs,
all the time.
Because young fellows want to amusc
themselves with these great oyergrown
child's go-carts, ! see no reason why SEN
slblc people should be disturbed, and set
to hopping like so many frogs when it be-
gins to rain, to get out of their way. For
my part, I've made up my mind to never
bulge an inch. The sidewalk belongs to
pedestrians, and, if u bicycle, as you call
1T, wants to run me down, very we'll,
there's damages.
" Tell me how to avoid danger ?" Well,
how F? " Ride one myself, and then Iii
be even with 'em." o Freddy, Freddy,
that's worse than the co-operatiyc house
keeping We have indeed fallen on de-
days, when sons can encourage
their mothers to ride velocipedes. Yes,
that is the spirit of the age. All whirle-
gigs and Catherine-wheels, sputtering and
izzing, with little real progress. l don't
like to be vulgar-it's not in the nature of
Watkins to be ungentcel but l feel like
getting up at my own table, waving my
handkerchief, and crying, "Go it, men
90 it, women! See who will go it the
fastest. Get out your vclocipedes, ladies,
put on your bifqrcated garments, and
mount your hycycular vehicles, and run
'ace with the men. Never mind your
housekeeping, never mind your children.
they'll be taken care of by system.
There's cook preparing one dish for the
whole of them, and they are getting up
'atent steam engine that feeds thousand
'abies at once with a thousand wooden
poons, wipes their pretty mouths with
universal napkin, upsets the whole of
hem with one tilt from their high chairs,
md slides 'em down into the cooperative
'lay- again, like sending bushel
# wheat down an elevator"
:: Don't see any connection between vc
ocipedes and cooperative housekeeping"
That's because you're deficient in logic,
Diver Ha could reason it out of
'op, but l won't, not I. You'll see the
anne women riding 'em that go in for CO.
peratlon' so as to get time to practise
aw, SO as to earn money to keep their
9rds in cigars, and pay their bills at the
lubs. They'll GO in for them, but it's
aaighity little time they'll get for exerci-
ing in 'em, after they've got the business
n their shoulders they seem anxious to
Dad themselves with. Wait till the wo-
,en get to making all the living; then
ou'll see the great warriors smoking their
ipes in comfort. Ha, yes The ladies
America to-day, wanting to 60 back,
nd make sqqaws of themselves. For
hat does it matter, whether they plant
ne corn, and dress the game, with their
apooses tied to board in their wigwams;
r, whether they sell mess pork, or argue
case, with their papooses tied in chairs
the cooperative nursery? Not one
hit, not one whit. Slaves in either case.
look at it as you will.
Always thought l was fast for giving
omen proper work, and proper wages for