Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1869-05-20
Josh Billings on Spring and Biles.

Spring came this year AZ much AZ
usual, hail butuous virgin 1000 years
Old and upwards. hale and harty old
gal. welcum'icw York State and parts
adjacent
Now the birds jaw, now the cattle
hollcr, now the pigs skrcam. now the
geese warhle, now the kat. sigh. and
nature j. frisky the earnest pissmirc.
the nobby cocAroach are singing Yam
kce Doodle, and Coming thru the rh.'
Now may be seen the muskceter. that
gray outline critter ov destiny, solitary
and alone, examining hi. last years
bill, and now may b.. heard with the
naAe,l ear. the hoarsc@ shanghai brawl-
lng In the baruyarl.
Kittens in the doorway. and puppys
on the green. ncighbpr chats with neigh
bor, and the lau.uId urchin crecps list
less toward the schuol. These things
are all fust rate IN their place, but
Spring brings pcsky btiss, and plants
them cArclcs-ly. sometimes among the
maiden charms. and sometimes among
the young mems. ken tork ike a
prcshYrc poet about biles just now, for
have one iii full bloom growing On Iae,
almost ready 10 pick, NJ big AZ an egg
plant, AMI az full of anguish ~ bro
Ken heart.
Biic- are thc ~rre-i thing, ov their
size on record. and NJ kross ,cw the
touch AZ a setting hen. or dog with
fresh bone. Biles always pick ont the
haniyest place on Your boldly tew bid
their nest. and II YOU undertake tcw
brake them up. 1t only makes them
mal, and takes them longer ~ hatch
oui. Thar amt no such thing NJ
coaxlng or driving them away. They
are like an irnpudent bedbug, they
won't move, till they have got their
fill.
Bilcs are az Old AZ religion. job,
the profit, waz the fusi champion ov
biles. and he j. currently reported tew
hay more bIlcs. and more pashunce, To
the square inch. than ernv one, two
very rare thing, 10 be- found ia emmy
man.
B,ies and I,ssshnno- | should az soon
think ov mixing courting and mus
kceters together for luxury.
have got a CRATE deal more faith
than have pashuncc, but haln't -pt
enough faith in biles. wouldn't trust
a bile, even in one ov mi boots.
think faith IL better artlklc than
pashnnc. Faith sumetimes IL All evl
dcnce oy brains and pashunce quite Of
ten IL only nuinbncss, but / don't think
ii these smooth shpi times il IL best 10
have too much capital invested III
either ov them.
Blt am ont ov the road must
git back into bile, agin.
If 4 fellow begins tew wander and
git ont oy tile straight and narrow path,
il IS curious how quick he will begin 10
90 to the Bles are very sassy
sometimes when Yer 90 Ia set down,
they Will git between Yer and the chair
this liz one evidence Of their ill-breed
ing. and had one once plant herself
on the irunt end ov mi noZc, which wak
a most remarkable piece oy bad man
ners, for there is no room on mi noze
ennywhcre for bile, for when il IL
even chb tile with my noze, II covers
half ov mi face.
There IL one more smart thing about
blles they are like twins they hardly
ever cum singly. and have known
them 10 throw double skies.
What twelve bile, on one man at
a time This j. wus than fighting
humhle-becs with Your summer clothes
on.
Bles are ,ed, by the educated aud
correct spoilers of the land, 10 be All
operashun OF natur tew get rid Of sum
thing which she wants To spare. This
i, 80 without doubt. but it don't strike
ms Az being very polite thing in nat
ure tew shuv oph her biles onto other
folks. say let everybody take care
Of their own biles.
But say all ye kan about biles, call
them all the mean names current among
ii,h-mungers, reyile, and persecute, and
spit on them. groan. grim. and swear
when they yisi, Yer, hit them over the
head. and set on them, if yer please,
there is time III their career when they
concentrate awl the pathos ov JOY that
man has on hand to spare, and that
n-when they bust
This is bliss, glory and revenge on
the half-shell. 4 man leans back i'll
rektiiiei comfort, az innocent and AZ
timber AZ mermaid. This pays for
the fretiul nights and nervous days
while the bile has been Matching; this
shows US what it IL TO grin and bear it
this shows what it iz TO be billed. and
wrung out and hung up 10 dry Exit
biles.