Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-05-28
Huns0r.

The vessel no woman objects to embark
OLA court ship.
A movement in real estate-An earth
quake.
WHY are old maids the most charming
people? Because they are all matchless-
Tell me, dear sir, are you find of tongue?
7 always was madam, and like 1t ztaN.
Whv do bald-headel iucn take a joke
quicker than others ? Because they are not
troubled to get it thro' their hair.
MANY men who pretend to have grains OF
rood sense seem to have scruples about US
ing them.
Jake lend me ten ,lollars till sell my
dog Says Jake, alphabetically don't
sell him.
A husband can readily foot the bills OF
wife who is not afraid Of being seen footing
the stockings Of her husband.
Which is cheaper--a bride or bride
groom? The bride-she is always given
away, the bridegroom often regularly sold.
Young ladies should be careful and not
get chaps on their lips. They have been
known to lead to an affection OF the heart.
Josh Billings says he will never patron
ize lottery as long as he can hire anybody
else to rob him at reasonable wages
A New Zealand chief maintained that he
had a good title to his land, because he had
eaten its former owner.
A henpccked husband says instead of HIM
self and wife being one they are ten for she
is and he is 0.
4 newspaper says at recent lecture the
audience sat spell bound There were on
" four persons present--one was deaf and
the remainder were asleep.
An Indiana man adyertises his wife as
having deserted him just at the time Of COM
mencing summer work, after he had been at
the expense Of wintering her.
An editor, describing church in MINES
sofa, says, ''No velvet cushions in our pews
we don't go in for style. The fattest per-
son has the softest seat"
An exchange gives curious account of
fight between a mastif and COW, It ter
minated in the cowardly retreat Of the dog
before the logged advance Of the COW.
Ladies are like watches-pretty enough to
look at-sweet faces and delicate hands, but
somewhat difficult to regulate after they are
a-going.
s'The Dearest Spot on Earth is Home"
the song being believed. Mr.. Pegget says
it's true-costs him twice as much as any
other spot.
A medical student says be has never been
able to discover the bone of contention, and
desires to know whether it is not situated
very near the jaw-bone.
A colored lady, boasting the other day
of the progress made by her son in arithme-
tic, exultingly said, "He is in de mortifca-
ton table"
The man who tried to sweeten his tea
with one of his wife's smiles has fallen
back" on sugar. Nothing like first prnci-
pies after all
A Dancer once said to Socrates, '.You
can not stand on one leg so long as can.
"True," replied the philosopher, "but a
goose can"
A bricklayer who had fallen into a tub of
mortar. and Was asked if he was hurt much
replied, ''no, but he had suffered mortar
DOM"
A Boston paper is ''in favor of women
voting if they want to A western paper
''would like to see the man who could make
them vote if they didn't want to-
Although the devil will be the father of
lies. he seems. like other great inventors. to
have lost much of his reputation by the con-
tinual improvements that have been made
upon him.
"Has your husband got naturalzed ~ in
quired an energetic politician of a robust fe-
male. SCOT natural eyes!" was the response
in an indignant tone; yes, be CORA, and
natural lathe, too"
"Hox beautiful" said lady, not remark
able for her cleanliness, "the face of nature
looks after shower" eyes, madam, and
so would yours after undergoing similar
process" said a satirical friend.
A Scotch paper tells the story of farmer
who, after the burial of his wife, drove hard
bargain with the grave digger, who bring
ing his hand down on the shovel exclaimed
"Down wi anither shilling, or up she comes,
"Haye you seen my backed faced ante
lope = inquired Mr.. Telescope, who had a
selection of animals, of his friend Bottle
Jack. "No, I haven't Whom did YOUR
black faced antelope with ?"
chow are you John I'm deuced glad to
see YOU Very well, Charley, come and
take drink, old fellow. ."risn't often we
meet" ''Thats fact, John-and when
we do it's meet and drink
Josh Billings says: II never bet anv
stamps on the man who IL always telling
what he would have done if he had hin
there. | have not ced that kind never cit
there"
An lrishman who had been engaged to
cut Ice, when handed cross-cut saw to
commence operations with, pulled out a COP
per cent and turning to his comrade, said,
'Now, Pat fair play, head or tail, who goes
below " o00
George, L am going to do something be.
fore long that | would like to talk about
with you" We'll, ma, what is it ?o Il
am intending to marry I'r. Jones in few
days, and" Bully for you, ma j! does
DR. Jones know it 2"
In reply to young writer, who wishes to
know (which magazine will give me the
highest postioo q1;ckest.' the Petersburg
-Lnprc,s advses "a powdet, magazine, Il you
contribute fiery article -