The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-06-25
JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
THE COTE.

The cote IL koarse woollen sheen.
They have split hoof and a whole
tall.
They have good appetite and sau-
guine digestion.
They swallo what they eat and will
eat emmy thing they kan bite.
Their moral karakters are not pol
ished.
They had rather steal rotten turnip
Out. oy garbage box than tew cum hon.
estiy hi pek ov oats.
| The male cote haz two horns on the
ridge ov his he'd, and a mustash on hiz
bottom lip, and IL the plug ugly of hiz
naberhood.
A maskuline cote will fite ennything
from an elephant down to hiz shadder
on ded wall.
They strike from their but-end, in
stead ov the shoulder, and are az likely
few hit, az hammer IL a nailhed.
They are a hi seasoned animal, az
much so az pound OF assifldity.
They are faithful critters, and will
stick tew friend az long az he lives in
shanty.
They kan KLINE ennything but a
greasJ pole, and kno the way up a rock
They are az certain tew rise az yung
ones, sum familys are haff gotes and the
other haff children. They are good eat
ing when they are young, but they
leave it oph az they git stronger.
They are alwus poor in the boldly,
but phatt in the stumick. what they eat
seems to all go to appetight. Yu mite
az well agree to phatt an injun rubber
over-shoe bi filling it with klam shells,
az tew raise emmy adipoze membrane on
the outside bust ov cote.
A phatt g6te would be literary Gu
riosity.
They use the same dialekt as the
sheep, and the yung ones speak the
language more fluently than the pari-
ents do.
There IL only two animals ov the
earth that twill eat tobakko-one liz
man and luther is cote, but the cote
understands it the most, for he swallers
the spit chaw and all.
The male cote, when he is pensIv, liz
a venerable and philosophic looking old |
cuss, and wouldn't make a bad profess |
sor of arithmetick in some our our col |
leges.
They are handy at living long time,
an advanced age without ar
irving at emmy definite konklusion.
How long a cote lives without giving
1t up, there is no man now old enuff to
tell.
Methuzeler, If hiz memory was bad
vt forgetting, might give a good sized
guess, but unfortunately for science
and this essa, Methuzeler aint here.
Gotes will live in emmy klimate, and
Oh emmy vittles, except tanbark, and if
they ever cum to square death, it is q
profound sekret, in the hands of few,
to this day.
L wouldn't like tc beleave emmy man
under oath who had ever seen a mas
kuline cote acktually die, and stay so.
Speaking of MethGzeler, puts me IN
mind ov the fackt, If man should liv
low daze az mutch az he did, he would
iav to hay an addishun built onto the
,ack ov hiz head tew sto away things
nto.
The female cote IL either the mother,
II sister, or cuzzin ov the male cote, ac-
,ordlng tew the prevailing circumstan-
is in the case, or else labor under a
l forget witch.
They Civ milk intuitively about a
Iuart, before it IL watered, in twelve
lours, which IL the subjickt ov nourish-
nenG, Ill various ways.
This milk, whitch IL extrakted from
he female cote il excellent tew finish
p yuIg ones ones on, but is apt to
make them bellycose and fighGful.
1t IL not unkomon for a babe, while
nhallng this pugnashus fluid, to let oph
is left colleckshun ov diggits and ketch
he nurse on the pinnakle ov the smell
er, and tap 1t for claret.
This is konlmon tackt among Irish
abes, and explains the reason whi, in t
fter life, these same babes makes such
rilliant hits. r
In writing the history ov the male
nd female cote tew adorn the pages ov S
tier times, flatter miself that hav d
,uck tew the truth, and haven't al C
wed my imaginashun tew boss the
ID.
A CRATE menny oy ouf best bilt his Il
'rians are apt tew mistake opynuns
II facts, this is an eaZy mistake tew
axe, but when strike a goose, or bed t
lgg, or cote, you motifs one thing, i
ay with them.-Finis.-N. Y. Weekly. ?