The Portland daily press., 1869-07-30
GOSSIP and Gleanings.


An illbred man is said to be like light
ning-because he doesn't know how to con-
duct himself 81 1N
. -"Mother, what makes the ocean get an
gry?'', Because it has been crossed so often,
my son. 3eis si
Anything to please the child, as the nurse
said when she let the baby crawl out Of the
third-story window. rsa'lt' i,sH' .'4-itIf
When Jonah's fellow passengers pitched
him overheard, they evidently regarded him as
neither prophet nor loss L 81 s4it = I'D i.f
Daniel Webster used to say that the word
would in Rufus Choatsis handwriting re-
sembled a small gridiron struck by lightning.
why is a candle-maker the worst and most
hopeless of men? Because all his works are
wicked, aud all his wicked works are brought
to light la ''' lt .sis. sta s'f' Sag
-sSambo, why am dat nigger down de hole
OBJ de boat like chicken in de egg?' 81 glib
um up. -" Cause he couldn't git out If it
wasn't for de hatch."a -. 4a. f .i|-
Young Swell: TWe don't go down Grand
street, for haven't paid my tailor his Christ
mas bill yet, and il he shohld see me he might
feel embarrassed" !" 10 -hiiit '',iAsis s.Ii
IA traveller stopped at an inn in a neigh
boring village, and finding the landlord and
landlady fighting, cried outs; 'fHallo, who
keeps this house?' The wife replied: "That's
just what we are trying to decide.''i ;.lj
q The increase in the rumber of horses in
the United States since 1860, is estimated at
1850 900, or Is per cent. The whole number
Is now said to be 5000, 900, valued at g. ESQ.,
900, 900, or something more than the whole ma
tional debt Ohio, illinois, Indiana, New
York, Pennsylvania, Missouri, Kentucky, and
Texas are the great horse raising States, in the
order in which they are given. California,
however, has increased her stock in a greater
ratio than any other State, namely, from l60-
610 in 1850, to 100000 in 1869 - ts
Recently rector Of parish in Toledo,
Ohio, in catechizing the children in his Sun
~ School, asked "Where did the wise men
come from ?s Without moments hesitation,
the answer came from a little fve-year-old:
sFronl Boston, The father and mother Of the
little catechumeu are natives Of the Bay State.
Somebody wants to know whether this is
the end Of last winter or the beginning of
next. We incline to the belief that this is last
summer falling into the middle of next win
ter, and that in the spring that is sure to tol--
low we shall turn summer-sault and come
right side up again, and then twill be one or
the other, probably, but we don't koow which.
/ -Aaber recently attended the funeral of
friend in Paris, and was going away after the
ceremonies in church were over, when some
one asked, ''Do you not accompany us to the
cemetery?" "No," was the reply, 81 go no
further than this for other peoples funerals;it
win be time enough for the churchyard on my
own account" t
More care should be exercised in what we
breathe than in what we eat. We breathe in
cessantly and only eat occasionally. Bot nine
people in ten shut out pure air as If it were in
fectiou, and breathe that which Is foul as II
healthy.
Minister Burliprame rebuked the foreigners
who thonebt thew aoutranked' him in Paris,
in the following style: I'VE Americans 10 not
raise the question Of rank. we receive all gen
tlemen as occupying common ieVei. nut II
Won raise the question OF position, we outrank
vou You are nothing but Dukes, Marquises,
and Counts. We belong to the royal family.
We are the equal OF our President. We are all
heirs apparent to the throne. We stand up for
our order, and if need be we fight for our or
der - ,..',.
"A cowardly fellow having kicked anewsooy
for pestering him to buy an evening paper the
lad waited till another boy accosted the gen
tleman," and then shouted in the hearing OF
all bystanders: ''It's no use to try him, Jim, he
can't read" .l, n.ss, l....
Aunt Judy, pious old colored woman, is
said TO have expressed herself as follows with
reference to the vociferous habits ofcertain per-
sons "at camp meeting:" "Taint de rale grace,
honey; faint de shure glory. You hollers too
loud When you gifts de Dove in your heart
and de Lamb on your bosom, you'll feel as II
you was in dat stable at Beth lem and de bless
ed viygin had lent you de sleeping BABY 10
hold" t. eait.4I cm1Is if.
"A boy having complained to bis ia'nes
that Bill had thrown the Bible at him, anu
hurt him on his head,tbe latter replied; wen
you are the only member OF my iamnS On
whom the Bible ever made the least Impress
ion."