The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1869-03-06
OUR RELIGIOUS COL UMN.
Church Choirs.

Weliknown church enjoyed the assistance of
another minister, and the two gentlemen occa.
pied the pulpit together. The church has re-
Gently INDUCED in the luxury of a new organ.
with the new organ came the concomtant
necessity of a chorus choir. The two reverend
gentlemen, sitting on the pulpit sofa, await the
lime for the commencement OF the religious
part Of the exercises. Meantime the organist
does his best at showing off the powers of the
instrument at which he presdes in q voluntary
performance, to drown the shuffling noise OF in
coming feet, and TO awaken sentiments of devo-
uon IN the hearts of the people to whom the
Ieet belong. This instrumental effort is some-
what varied in its style, a1d considerably
tedious, but, like all other earthly complications
oiJoy and sorrow, 1t at last slides to conclusion,
or, rather, 1t dissoves itself into another variety
OF musical exercise. The chorus choir rises to
It's feet for the purpose of commencing the
voluntary rendering" of one of those extraor-
binary compositions with which every wor-
shipper and every preacher has go often been
annoyed. They are evidently bent on doing the
best they hLow how, regardless of consequences.
Mr.. Bissoou, the heavy nan of the concern,
starts the thing with choice selection of
growls, which appear TO have their foundations
In the heels of his shoes, Gently at first, but
gradually more and more gruffiy, does Bas-
soon's music roar itself out now rising TO the
level of his stomach, now again subsiding with
sound like the dying muttering of the thunder
Of July gust to the depth of his boots.
But touching as are Bassoons solo growls,
the thought OF allowing him 10 enjoy
monopoly thereof is too fearful a thing for
tolerance. MIR. Fluff, the tenor, must take up
the strain and push it on some. few notes of
your BEST Fluff, If you please. Hark Fluff
and Bassoon are striving for the mastery. Fuff's
voice is full and round-a good way round
Instead Of enunciating distinctly what he means
to sing, he seems 10 be singing or saying almost
everything else. He gobbes his words, and
stuffs his Mouth with them as if they were great
hot masses of boarding house hash, with
gristle and hair in it. His massive brow is
horid with the exertion, all the way 10 the
roots of his hair His manly bosom heaves
and expands like the canvas of full.rigged
manof war before q stiff breeze. See Bassoon
is catching it! 1t is a duet now. Fluff has
nearly demolished the singer of bass, and the
singer of bass, in his turn, pants to wreak the
deserved vengeance OH the unscrupulous
tenor. Their very hair seems ready to stand
on end with the excitement OF the game,
but for the restraining iLfuences of pom atum
and perspiration. The feminine portion of the
able-bodied as these big men are, they shall not
have 1t all their own way. 1t is Fuf's wife who
carries the heavy burden OF sopranoing for the
party. Casting genial look of sincere sympathy
on the partner OF her joys, her sorro VS. and her
singing, and savage glimmer of the left eye at
BassOon, whose head she seems about TO take
off, she appears to be going 10 pour crude petro.
leum on the turbulent flow of cong. She opens
the foodgates of her melody, almost sweeping
poor Fluff aid Bassoon out of sight and out #
hearing. For moment, it is a solo--so high
style of solo as TO make the congregation turn
their necks, TO try to learn what is going on in
the choir gallery. And so, 10! the solo ceases,
and the men join in, each one on his own hook
again, and each striving for the mastery. Bas-
soon is soon conquered, and for few moments
the ''united head" of the Fluff family have it to
themselves. They give 1t to each other in the
responsive sort as the congregation presume they
do in the quiet of the Fluff mansion. Bassoon
groans out from time to time as the contest
proceeds, something which sounds like "told
you sou But that isn't it. He is quoting
some expression frcm the Bible. The fact that
nobody is able to understand what it Is, is none
of has business. What does he care whether
they understand it not They may understand
it or not, just as they like, so they may. And
Bassoon and the Fuffs have had their share of
doing the voluntary by themselves. Tue
feminine alto champion must be heard from.
Speak out, you needn't be afraid Of anybody.
That's it. Let the music rattle on. Tnat
acidulous voice cuts the air like hatchet. The
congregation below mentally hken II
unto the tomahawk in the strong right
hand of healthy aborigine, neryously bran
dishing over their heads or to a high March
wind, late at night gyratlng round the tops o.
chimDeys ~hose upper bricks are loose, anC
through shutters whose bolts are uDfastened
with an occasional chorus in the distance by Ar
angry cat. Pity it is that Miss seraphina An
gelica UppeIcrust's voice has not distinctnes
equal to Its sharpness, as might be the case
she confined herself to alto entirely. When the
eitteIs In the pc VS. heard the first blast of the
hatchety voice they assured themselves that
whatever might have been the difficulties unde
which they had labored in catching the drift O
what Bassoon and the Futfs were rendering
here at lesst was golden edged opportunity Il
learn something of what was going on. Er
long, seraphina Angelica's first bit OF solo |
done, and the Fluff family go in to help her. ioiue
N in few moments by the great Bassoon. NOV
the whole blessed four leaders are at wori
with their mightiest efforts. each one trying T.
drown the other Tue organist lays himse
down to his work, for he Is determine
not to be choked off in the fray. "Mor
MlSa from the man at the bellows
Faster aud faster does that suffering victim {
&ha on,,oioal nrOnan aitIas ~ the anprpatic ri