The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1869-01-28

- Two electioneerng requirements
wind bags and money bags.
y Why is q dogs tale great novelty?
Because no ore ever saw it before.
= The next style of bonnet is to be a
bead and two inches of ribbon, fastened
with Il hair.pin.
AS soon as young gentleman be-
gins to make rhymes, he is sure to get
type-us fever.
- Have 1 not offered you every ad-
vantage |" said father to his son. ooh,
yes" replied the youth, "but L could not
think of taking advantage of my father
No man can tell from his ledger
whether he is rich or poor. He is one or
the other, according 10 what he is, not
according to what he has.
Il may servo as comfort to us in
all our calamitics and affections, that he
who loses anything and gets wisdom is a
gamer by ll,e loss.
= An Illinois editor, speaking of a
rogue who lived in his vicinity, says: "The
rascal has broken every bank, Jail and
Sabbath we have had in this country for
the past five years"
An cid lady reading an account of
the death of a venerable and distinguished
lawyer, who WAS stated to be the "tathcr
of the Philadelphia BAR" thus exclaimed:
"Poor man he had dreadful set Of noisy
children"
= An imaginative Irishman gave ut
Al. To
the halls Of my fathers by night, and
found them in ruins credrout aloud,
"My fathers, where are they? and echo
responded, "Is that you, Patrick McCar-
thy?"
= The editor of the Holmes County
Farmer says: "The woman who made the
butter which we bought last week is re-
spectfaly requested to exercise more
judgment in proportoning the ingred-
ents. The last batch had too much hair
in for butter, and net quite enough for Il
waterfall. There is no sense in making
yourself bald headed, if butter is thirty
five cents pound.'''
d never knowed anything gained by
being in too much of a hurry" said Mrs.
Parlington. "When me and my dear
Paul was married, he was in such a par
ticipation, that he came near marrying
one of the bridesmaids instead Of me.
And he was such queer man" she con.
tinued; "why, he joined the fire wood
brigade, and one ght in his hurry he put
his boots on hind part afore, and as he
ran along, every body behind got tripped
up. The papers was full OF crowners'
quests on broken legs and limbs for n
wces afterwards" and she relapsod into
an abstraction on the ups and downs OF
life.
Judge Portly got up an earthquake
tableau recently. He had taken supper
with an old thespian friend after the per-
formance at tho theatre. Both being in
cunvivial mood, numerous bottles as
we'll as Jokes was cracked Finally, the
Judge found himself on the way to the
bedside Of his stately spouse. Not wish
ing to disturb the slumber OF the old lady,
the Judge thonght he would gropc his
way silently to bed in the nearly darkened
room; but that last pckled oyster had
upset his centre of gravity, and stumbling
over an ottoman the Judge went TO the
Garnet with force that made the glass
ware jingle, the windows rattle and the
floor tremble. "Merciful heavens.' cX-
claimed Mrs. Portly. as she rose from her
couch and turned on the gas, "My dear
are you hurt? ?" ''No,, but I thinll che
earthquake must have reached New
York; replied the old sport, trying to
regain lis equilibrium. Il think SO too
for | am really shocked" said Mrs. P.
"a she realized the situation.