The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-06-17
g Wit and Hat33aO7'.

tieas47 Wit and Het13aO7'. . $3.50
Does man consider a woman poem when
she is verse to him ! sy 55f-. xi9 -e- -
What men set up. the latest? Compost
tors on morning papers.
The most startling essay, on mana -7-A wo-
mans attempt to marry him. -,
when is lawyer like donkey?i When
he is drawing conveyance. 5af1 =
sThese notes enlivcn' me, as the gentle.
man said on receiving remittance iesl5q
IAN, Irish lover remarked that it is a great
comfort to be alone, respectfully when yer
swatehart is wild ye." Pc. 1z'iFt e~.ss g !. Z.
The most laconic will Oh record is that of a
man who died in 1869. 1t ran thus - 4
have nothing | owe a great deal-thc rest
Igiye to the poor, sag6s Sd air t9uiv ,siaot
Eve did not know as much as her daught-
crs of the present day. Had they been in
her place, instead of being deceived by, they
would have deceived the devil. lzag5% *
VAcc1NArIoN.-'ssI don t, believe it's any
use this vaccination" said Yankee. + had
child vaccinated, and he fell out of a win
dow week arter and got killed. 81 a
To gather crowd Of people raise plank
in the sidewalk aud start terrier after rat.
10 dispense them; circulate a subscription
paper for the benefit of a poor family.
After the acquittal off man for larceny,
recently, one af the jurymen rose and ssug-
yested that the acquitted be now recon-
mended to the mercilul consideration Of the
court 'earsFt .f.e@ ga's-; gs4
An advertisement reads as follows: /" Sto-
len, a watch worth ten guineas. IF the thief
will return it, he shall be informed where he
10 can steal one worth two Of it, and no qnes-
tions asked" .qe
Soon after Sir Henry Rivers took orders,
he was told by friend that he would I'M
doubleday become a bishop. 6 Indeed p said
Sir Henry why SOP ." Because rivers in
variably go to the sea. - gss gssss
An editor thus logically nudges his dolin-
quent subscribers: We don want money des-
peratcly bad, but our creditors do, and no
doubt they owe you If you pay us, we'll
pay them, and they'll pay you 49, ss3aH
An innocent young sportsman, in order to
shoot squirrel on the top of a tall tree,
climbed another one closely by; and being
asked the reason for SO foolish freak, said
he didn't want to strain his gun by a long
shot! ssa -7'
A writer describing one Of the engagements
of the late war, gives an interesting item =
In this battle we lost the brave Captain
Smith, A cannon ball took off his head
His last words were, Bury me on the spot
where | fell
IA lady having accidentally broken smell
ling bottle, her husband, who was very petu-
liant, said to her: g I declare, my dear, ev-
crything that belongs to you is more or less
broken" giTrue," replied the lady, for
even you are little cracked"
"A gentleman, seeing an Irishman fencing
nsavcry barren, desolate piece Of land, said,
What are you fencing in that lot, for Pat ?
A flock of sheep would starve to death on
that land. And sure, your honor, WASH t
fencing it to Keep the poor beasts out Of it Z"
replied Pat q = - So
"a Connecticut editor offers $25 reward for
information Of the Rebel Democrat who threw
brick at him the other night.
A bystander asserts that.the brick was not
thrown, but only fell from its original place
in his hat -moonshine, and other contingen-
cies, having produced the hallucination. -
Miss Jones, postmistress at Winchester,
Iowa, recently married Mr.. Alfred Smith.
Mrs Smith is not known to the Department
as postmistress, Miss Jones has no longer, a
legal existence, and things generally are very
much mixed. Smith is anxious to. know If
he has married in the postofdce, Or has mar
ried the postoaice- out Of the family.
Nor COMPLIMENTARY Two lawyers in
certain town were returning from court,
when one said to the other, I've a notion to
Join Rev. AIRS church; been debating
the matter for some time. What do you think
Of it?" esWouldn't oit,' said the other
Well, why Because itfcould do you no
possible good, while it might be a great injury
to the church. fe 8gg iss.gE afi
WISHES OF LADlEs-First, husband
second. asfortunel; third baby fourth, a
trip to France; fifth, better looking dress
than any of her neighbors;, sixth, to be well
buttercd with fattcry seventh, to have moth
ing to do in particular; eigth, to be hand
some; ninth, to be thought well of; tenth, to
make sensation eleventh to attend we'd
dings; twelfth, to be always considered under
thirty. s
Ncither-A Dutchman once met an Irish
man on lonely highway. As they met each
smiled, thinking they knew the other. Pat
on seeing his mistake, remarked with a look
of disappointment: & Faith, an / thought
twas you an you thought it was me, an Its
naythcr Of U.S." The Dutchman replicd:-
;, Yaw, das is dhru; am anunder man, und
you ish not yourself; we pc poth some oder
podies p ii .9qa 5aa
An Irishman was going quietly along a
road when an angry bull rushed down upon
him, and tossed him over fence. The Irish
man, recovering from his fall, on looking up,
saw the bull paving and tearing up the
ground, wbereupon Pat, with great good ma
tire said: IF it was not for bowling and
scraping your humble apologies, you brute,
fax should think you had thrown me over
fLic fnpcr pn purnnsn ~