Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1869-10-27
MARK TWAIN ONMR. BEECHER.

The Rev. Henry Ward Beeeher's
private habits are the subject of Mark
Twain's latest contribution TO the
Buffalo Express. The whole article
is extremely funny, but that portion
Which relates TO Mr.. Beecher's farm
ing experince is the humorist's most
extravagant vein, and quite equal TO
his best efforts 1t is as follows;
"Mr Beecher's farm consists Of
thirty-six acres, and is carried on
bEiet hf'faaiyjf GpRftiP 81 Crop %iTf5GE
consulting his book He ploughs and
reaps and digs and sows according to
the best authorities-nnd the nutbori-
ties cost more than the other farming
implements do. As soon as the libra
ry is complete the farm win begin TO
be profitable investment. But book
farming has its drawbacks. Upon
one occasion, when it seemed morally
certain that the hay ought to be cur,
the hay book could not be found-and
before it,was found it was too late and
the hay was all spoiled.
"Mr. Beecher raises some of the fin
est crops Of wheat in the country, but
the uniavorable difference between
the cost of producing il and its mar
kct value after it is produced has in
terfered considerably with its success
as n commercial enterprise His spe-
cial weakness is hogs however. He
considers hogs the best game the farm
produces. Ho buys the original pig
for a dollar and half, and feeds him
foty dollars worth Of corn, and then
sells him for about nine dollars. This
is the only crop be ever makes any
money on. He looses on the corn, but
be makes seven dollars and half on
the hog He does not mind this, be-
cause be never expects to make any
thing on corn, anyway. And anyway
it turns out, he has the excitement of
raising the hog anyhow, whether he
gets the worth of him or not. His
strawberries would be comfortable
success IL the ROBINS would eat tur-
nips, but they wont, and hence tho
difficulty.
"One OF Mr.. Beecher's most harras-
sing difficulties in his farming opera
tions comes OF the close resemblance
Of different sorts Of seeds and plants
to each other. Two years ago his far
sirhtedness warned him that there
was going to be a great scarcity of
water melons, and therefore he put in
a crop % twenty-seven acres Of that
fruit. But when they came up they
turned out to be pumpkins, and a
dead loss wnsrhe consequence. Some
times a portion of his crop goes into
the ground the most promising sweett
potatoes, and comes up the infernalest
carrots-thongh / never heard him
express it in Just that way When
he bought his farm he found one egg
in every hens nest on the place. He
said that here was just the reason
why so many farmers failed-they
scattered their forces too much-con-
centration was the idea So he gath
ured those eggs together and put them
all under one experienced old hen.
That ben roasted over that contract
night and day for eleven weeks under
the anxious supervision Of Mr.. Beech
er himself, but she could not ''phase"
those eggs. Whyl Because they were
those internal porcelain things which
,, are used by ingenious and fraudulent
farmers as snest eggs" Butperhaps Mr.
Beechers most disastrous experience
: was the time he tried 90 raise an i'm
mense crop Of dried apples. He plant
ed ffteen hundred dollars worth, but
never a ono of them sprouted. He has
never been able TO understand TO this
, day, what was the matter with those
apples"