The Van Buren press., 1869-08-17

presence had lmpel!ed her to behave so.
Mr.. Smith said he believed it would
be judicious TO dispense with the seryi-
ces Of the said invisible presence for the
balance of the evening, or there would
be man about the size Of the medium
hurt.
The medium then said il Mr.. Smith
was still still skeptical the spirit expires
sed an anxiety to pick up the arm chair
and slash him over the nose.
But Mr.. Smith said he believed not this
evening; and the spirit had better go
quietly home to his own torrid cline.
lie thought the room must be uncomfor-
tsbly cool Ter an immortal being who
was eyidedtly accustomed to live in a
fiery furnace.
Three raps on the mantel piece, and the
medium remarked that an important spir
it wished to speak.
II stated that it gave last warning to
old Miss Ferguson, that she must stor
taking brandy in her water, or she would
die OF spontaneous cosshustion. j
ITS not so. | never touch il " said
the venerable Ferguson, with her face SO
red that it actually made her finely color
nose look white.
Yes it is, though, and I'd advise you
not to 60 round listening to Mrs, Barry's
key hole again as you did last night, for
she's laying for you with pitcher OF
water to souse on yon over the door"
"What an awful story there's not a
word Of truth in it," said the huny old
gal.
at is true" said the spirit. "Im
George Washington. cannot tell a
lie"
AS the spirit seemed inclined to be So
cisblo, thought 1 would converse with
"Well, George, old boy, how's
things p
"Oh, first rate said he.
"What do you think oflhe crowd here
tonight 2
"Oh, it's all we'll enough, excepting
that | think it would be judicions for
young Tompkins to stop squeezing Miss
Mills waist under tho pretensc that he is
trying to keep her shawl on"
Sudden movement on the part Of
Tompkins, who said
"Look here. / think it would be bet
ter to put out tie lights. The spirits
work easier in the dark"
Another zap. Spirit wanted to con
yGIsc with me.
81 am the spirit of Horace Greeley"
it said
"Pshaw. Why, Horace amt even
dead !"
Yes, he is, though"
"No, he isn't"
"Yes, he is"
"Isn't."
"Is!"
"Isn't!'.
"Isw
"But / know he amt diead!"
"Well, then, if he amt, I'm the spirit
Of your aunt"
"But / never had an aunt
"Yes, you had; don't you rccollect
your dear aunt Amanda 2"
"No, / don't recollect my dear aunt
Amanda never had one, tell you"
"You had !"
81 hadn't !" :.
" Had w
Hadn't
"It don't make any difference, then. -
I'm the spirit ofJohn Brown
But thought that was marching on
"Well, it has stopped"
Well, how are you, John 2"
"Oh, tolerable. Could you give the
q drink Of that fine old brandy OF
yours, this evening"
81 should think not"
This was the last l heard Of this re.
markable spirit, and thought the me-
dium appeared disappointed that he had
gone away. 1t may have been the bran
dy, though.
Then the medium stated that an i'm
perceptible essence desired to converse
with Mr.. Smith.
"Hew is the imperceptibls essence on
throwing chairs % inquired Smith.
Il will not hurt YOU | am your guar
dian angel" said the spirit
"Is that so p said Mr.. Smith. "Well,
why didn't you hoyar around sooner p
II don't hover. pervade space, -
said tho spirit
Anything the matter with your wings
Moulted any of your feathers? Order
You a new pair, shall p asked Smith.
81 don't want them. My duty is
simply to watch over you"
"Whorc was last night" asked
Smith.
AT church"
"Rieht You noednt tell where was
night before last. AT free and easy"
whispered Smith to me.
Il Do you know old Tweezer in the
spirit land p inquired Mr.. Smith.
Yes; he is here now "
"Is he happy? And if so. what is he
doing 2"
:" lie ie in ecstacy, because ne knows
Tompkins is going off without paving
his board. He is now engaged in shak-
ing his spiritual fist at Mrs. Tweezer'
That's him " said Mrs. Tweezer--
" that's him! Always the same old fool
But where's that Tompkins2 I'll blister
him-I will"
And Mrs. Tweezer pranced down into
the entry, to lock the front door and lay
in wait for Tompkins
"You are my guardian angel, are
you?' said Smith. "Do you care a
great deal for me "
A great deal"
"Well, then, just lend me seventy FIVE
cents. will you2n