Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-08-10
Tak9ac7l fO3. HqS71lO2'iStS.

When maiden gets married she ends miss
spent life
IF the doctor orders bark has not the patient
right to growl? 900 <2e
Several horses in stall are always to be con-
sidered near neigh-bores.
81 have very little respect for the ties of this
world, ;" as the chap said when the rope was
tied around his neck. -....-~~
1t is very well to advise people to take the
bull by the horns, but what will the bull afore-
said be about all the time? r-- s-: =
A gratuitous writer of poetry thinks he per-
fects the measure of the same by sitting on a
bushel basket while wrlting.VTg a89AI
F. Polite smoker, at the side of railway car
"Allow me to assist you to alight?'' Severe old
lady-''Thank you, I do not smoke p
{ ..Anyting bite you dare?" inquired one
Dutchman of another, while engaged in an
Cling "No, not ing at all. +" "Vell?" return
ed the other, noting bite me too. ;"
s'Mammyt" said precocious little boy, who
against his will, was made to rock the cradle of
his baby brother ii. the Lord. has any more
babies to give away, don't you take 'em."
A German shoemaker who had undertaken
to make pair of boots for a gentleman of whose
financial integrity he had considerable doubt,
replied, when asked for the article: Der poots
is not quite done, but der beel ish made out"
Judge Norbury was interrupted in bis charge
to the Jury by the loud braying of donkey in
thestreet what sthat?' SAID the Judge. Mr..
Parsons. with whom the Judge had just had
.frery flare up, rose, and gravely assured him
that it was merely ''the echo of the Court!' s
A Minister once prayed in the pulpit that
''the Lord would bless the congregation assem-
bled, and that portion of it which was on its
way to church, and those who were at home
getting ready, and that, in his infinite patience
he would grant the benediction to those who
reached the house of God just in time after
that.
During recent representation of King Lear
at one of our metropolitan theatres, an old gen.
tleman from the country, who was visibly af
fected by the pathos of the scenes, electrified the
house by roaring out, Mr.. Manageri Sir Al
ter the play [ didn't pay my money to be
made wretched in this way. Give us something
funny, or L IL summons you, sir!'' ri
A Rocky mountain paper publishes an obit-
uary of 'Sim,' chief of the Washoe Indians. =
1t says that he was good, though very dirty
red man. He possessed well-balanced head
Of hair, and stomach enough for all he could
get to eat. His regard for the truth was nota-
Dle-he never meQQleQ with It, lie lett no
will, and his estate consisted OF pair OF boots.
A Wisconsin correspondent desires to perpet
uate the smartness of local preacher in his
neighborhood, who is as sharp and shrewd at a
bargain as he is prompt to attend to the spirit
ual requirements of those in affection. The
preacher was recently called to attend funeral,
and on returning home remarked with no small
satisfaction, that he had improved the time by
making fifteen dollars in wood trade while the
mourners were viewing the corpse. .
A gentleman was chatting with little girl
on q rairay train when she suddenly looked up
in his face and said;
you look like Abraham Lincoln.
d. DO 2" said the gentleman 'how do you
know [ m not ?" M ..s
He's Dead said the child with an aston
ished look at the questioner; "they killed him!"
swell, +" said the gentleman, but didn't
Abraham Lincoln have brother p
The child looked puzzled for minute, and
then quietly remarked:
MY father saw Abraham Lincoln
Ibid hep" asked the gentleman.
Eyes; after he was dead he saw him. Did
% you ever see him p rs.sg. sss.
No" said the gentleman, II never saw
him. rer5.
''1hen," said the child, triumphantly, "of
course you amt his brother.