Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-03-16
humorous.
Smart inhiction-a cute pain.

Foot Iights-The Corps de Ballet.
The child of the sea-The harbor buoy
A precious nosegay-A proboscis blooming
with carbunces
Il see through it." as the old woman said
when the bottom Of her tub fell out.
Why are a great many bills in Congress like
holsters? Because, when read, they lie on the
table.
A Richmond boy advertises for a situation,
saying that work is not so much an object as
good wages"
The oldest inhabitant'' admits that it is
sweet to have friends you can trust, but more
convenient to have friends who trust you.
Punch says that women who make up their
faces deceive themselves, if they think by so
doing. they are more likely to tempt men to
make up their minds.
An Irishman recently soliloquized: What
a waste O money buyin mate when you know
the half of it is bone, while you can spind it tor
rum that hasn't bone in it.
CAU1IoN.-''S here, mnther, said an
Irish lad Of seven summers, who was driven up
a.tree by dog, ''if you don't take that dog
away, I'll eat up all your apples
i TEACHER was explaining to little girl the
meaning of the word ''cuticle' ''What is that
all over my face and hands?'' said he. Its
ireckles, sir, answered the little cherub.
'What have you to remark, sir, about my
oratory?' once asked vain public speaker of
John Randolph. Nothing, sir, it is not re-
narkable, = quietly replied the merciless wit.
Friend Jones, prepare yourself to hear bad
news My gracious-speak, what Is it =
Your wife is dead p ooh. dear, how you
frightened me, [ thought my house was burnt
down.
Little Girl-"Oh, mamma is that emp"
Mamma-'No, my child, that is a howl Fa-
tner-"No, my wife and daughter, that is mel
Their q en- nor howl, but it is a beagle, the
l.emblem of this blarsted country"
An Irishman remarked to his companion, or
observing lady pass, ''Pat, did you ever see
so thin woman as that before Thin p re-
piled the other, why, I've seen woman as
thin as two Of her put together, have. "
Our OF OFFICE "A boy, whose general APP
pearance betokened the want Of fathers care,
being asked what his father followed for liv>
ing. innocently replied: He is an office-seek
er by trade, but he don work at it any more,
since he was caught stealing
gentleman in Wales, who was boasting Of
the antiquity Of his family, which he traced
back TO Noah, was told that was mere mush-
room compared to another family whose pedi-
gree filed five large skins of parchment, near
the middle Of which was note in the margin,
About this time the world was created. 4"
What's that?' asked Mrs. Darlington,
looking up at the column of the Place Ven
dome during her late visit to Paris. ''The pill
lar If Napoleon" she was answered "Well,
| never did j. she exclaimed, land that's his
piilow-he was a great man to use that But
IT'S mase like bolster. And it S made of iron,
do believe All! Isaac, see what it is to be
great. How hard his head must have rested
on his ronical pillow.
A good deacon that was naturally high
tempered man, had been used to beating his
oxen over the head, as his neighbors did. 1t
was observed that, when he became Christian
his cattle were remarkably docile A friend in
qured into the secFet. Why said the dea-
con, formerly when my oxen were little con
trary, flew INTO passion, and beat them un-
mercifully This made the matter worse.
Now. when they do not behave well, [ go be-
hind rhe load, sit down, and sing Old Hundred.
don know how it is, but the psalm tune has
surprising effect on my oxen.
Everything that's in the paper is true, so we
give the following:
A farmer once had very cross ram, in fact
SO very cross that no one dared venture near
him. In the summer the farmer orchard was
we'll loaded with fruit, and the neighboring
bays, knowing this, took advantage, and help
{ themselves. To put stop to such depre-
dations, the farmer placed the ram in the or
chard. and the apples were left alone. But
Imagine his surprise in undertaking to gather
the fruit. Mr.. Ram would not allow him to
climb the fence. An idea struck him to this
effect. Calling his hired man, he ordered him
to place long pole over the fence with rope
and mallet attached. On going out next day,
they found Mr.. Ram had butted himself away,
with the exception of a small piece of tail,
Which still kept the mallet in motion