The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1869-02-13


"Well, if they couldn't do it alone, God would
send Samson down to help them"
'Wilitap, my son, how came you to muddy
your dress soY
Willie stopped a moment, then looking his
father in the eye very soberly asked
Father, what am l made Of?''
"Dust. The Bible says, Dust thou art, and
unto dust shalt thou return"
,'Wen, father, if I'm dust, how can / help
being muddy when it rains on me?
a Universalist once conversing with divine
asked him how old ne was The doctor told him
his age; and the Universalist replying that he
was much older, was in the garden when Adam
and Eve were, etc.:-
Eyes" said the doctor, "a knew that there
was a third person there but never knew it
was you"
Az Edinburgh journal. little while since,
inserted under the "Deathsn the demise of q
Mr. W. W.. The gentleman being alive, pro-
tested, and the week after the following correc-
tiOn appeared:-"We regret TO find that the
announcement of the death Of Mr.. w. W. is a
malicious fabrcation.'
"GiVe me p)und of oystey," said e man to
an oyster vendor, who was going by. az sell by
measure, not. oy weight,n replied the oysterman.
Then give me gard of them" said the man.
The Oysterman shook his head obviously, and
passed on.
"I'D CHOOSE 10 BE DAISY, If HIGRT BE A
Flower. "-Sweety sentimental, no doubt, but
still far from being popularly acted upon, judg-
ing from the number OF people we see daily
converting themselves into laughing Stocks"
InPoRrANT TO AERoNAUrs.-Wh says that
man win never have the power to Gy? A sci
entiic friend OF ours has so far solved the pro-
blem as to be able with the greatest ease to
''skim Oyer"-a newspaper.
A gentleman, on taking volume to be bound,
was asked if he would have it bound in Russia.
"Oh, no ~ he replied, Russia Is too far of. l
will have it done here"
4 traveller inquired of o guide the reason
why echo" was always spoken of as "she,"
and vas informed that it was because it always
has the last word.
"0f she goes" said lady, speaking OF the
train as it was star.iog. "You have mistaken
the gender, madam, l." said gentleman; this is
the male train"
Why can't the captain OF q vessel keep a
memorandum of the weight of his anchor,
instead OF weighing It every time he leaves port?
Wasps manufacture comb, but have never
come into notice for their honey. Yet man
thinks nc has ouly to make verses to be poet.
When 4 great composer like Rossini dies, he
leaves us heirs to negerfalling fund. His notes
will never be dishouOred.
Youlg women should beware Of marrying an
accountant II they do SO they take an adder
to their bOsOms
A gentleman who has recently lost 40 eye
begs to intimate that ne has now vacancy tor
apupll.
When is a candle likely to be enraged? You
say when it is pM ooU. ] should say when tts
| lighted,
'Very good, but rather too pointed, as the
Goldfish said when il swal tue bait
Fashionable ladies are like arlstocratic
houses-they both have high stoOps.
! WHAT'S IN a NAME William Tell would never
come down to posterlty without IL.
Why does a sailor know there is man in the
moon2- Because he's been to sea.
To escape troube from noisy chiidren-send
them to your neig6bors visiting.
Why are the clouds like the coaehmen? Be
cause they hold tn rains.
The lady whose p ecc OF mind" was broken
Intends to have it Ieo4ired.
When lover dotes on HE darling, refusal
acts as an anli-dotP.
Carpets are bought by tue yard. aud worn by
the foot.
How 10 TRRAT WFE Treat her to a ne v
dress.
THE BEsT ILLUSTRATED PAPER oUTn-A bank
| note,
How 10 GRIT RID OF RAre-Klll them.
High sociely-Ip the Arcie Circle,