Clarksville chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 186?-1872, 1869-02-26
MY Wedding Coat.


MY Wedding Coat.
Did anybody ever hitch himself
with minister's glue to a gal without
getting dress coat with q couple of
tails sticking out behind like q boot
jack or the letter w? Igot one of 'em
when Sally and me companied front
before the minister, and he found no
one to forbid the bananas. 1t had
blue silk sleeve Innings like a gals
apron. 1t shined like satin and It fit
me like night shirt on sick duck,
and If ever / felt like a darned fool 1t
was when / had that coat on. I
couldn't sit down for fear the tails
would stick into the chair 80 far that
l couldn't get up again. 1t was the
very first thing 1 hauled off after get
ting stuffed with fruit cake, that pret-
ty black stuff that looks like it was
full Of fried flies, and the top Of which
looks like the roof of o country barn
after snow storm. I slung il out on
q nail AMI histed on my old sack. At
ter we got back from our honey-m moon
I was more dove-like than he owl,
and when Sally said hang your coat
If she had stopped right there we
would have agreed wonderfully we'll
but she said hang your coat up where
1t will be safe, for you will want 1t for
party purposes. / told her that when
the fall champagne opened, I'd prob
ably get tight, and had better use my
old clothes. So the old thing was
slowed away ike sick rag baby,
and / got "bisy" ut my "bisness,"
and forgot all about the darned old
coat until about year after. One
night sat down to supper, and found
white envelope as Dig as the back
door of Noah's ark lying on my plate;
1t had stamp representing couple
Of doves fighting, they looked like
they might be In their last round, and
the bottle-holder was q great big
letter M, with a G mixed in with it.
/ busted her open and found q pack of
cards big as bundle of shingles; a
lot of white satin ribbon was sprin-
kled In among 'em. They told about
certain church at 8 p. NJ. precisely
and something about Mr.. and Mrs.
who would be home from ten to two,
and lots of nice reading. My roast
lamb got cold, and the plate was knee
deep with white BEARS grease before
l read 'em all, but got his and her
maiden names and his and her mar
ried names, and her father and mo-
ther's names, but his father and mo-
ther they forgot to put in. l piled
the cards up by my side and looked
ut my other half, when she said, will
you,go? Ihaint got any good clothes,
l replied, you've got 'em all, and to
see me hitched to you with all your
nice fixings, I'd look "wuss' than an
old tug boat towing at a first-class
steamer. Says she, you don't mean
to call me first-class steamer, do
you? / told her l only meant a
'simile then she told me 1 had
some clothes up stairs. There Is your
nice black wedding coat and pants
Well, says I, hand 'em out. So she
got 'em and hung 'em across q chair,
and we got sticks and beat 'em until
the dust got SO thick that the folks in
the street seeing it coming out of the
windows wanted to see what was
burning. Then tried 'em on, and
by Christmas, 1 laughed that night
"wus' than L ever laughed before. l
got the pants on easy, they were
shaped like a tunnel, little end down,
the fashion was sixteen inches around
the knee, and these were thirty-siX.
| There was spare cloth i'm 'em to make
an overcoat, but.Sally said they could
be cut down, SO went for the coat
got both arms into the sleeves and
got her hoisted onto my shoulders,
but there she stuck, and / made the
prettiest Grecian bend ever seen. !
couldn't get my arms down, and j
couldn't get 'em through, and ]
couldn't stir peg until Sally got hold
of the tails and yanked 'em down
getting the tidal wave off my shoul-
der. gave an almighty heave and
my arms slid through the sleeves, and
l stood there nice looking cuss to &c
to n party. If I'd been compelled tC
keep that coat on, I'd never scratched
my knee again. The sleeves sat as
tight to my arms as shoemaker's waH
to n fiy's wing. The cuffs came just
even with my vest watch pocket
the waist was right under my arms
and the tails only reached to thu
waistband of my breeches; the collar
was upon the top of the back of my
{ head, and il wasn't more than al
inch wide. 1t took Sally and mt
twenty-five minutes to get her of
and "a soon as / got breath, asked
her If she would have believed tn,
style could alter so much, and she sait
no. We couldn't cut that down, s,
, we didn't go to the party, but we TAX
that old coat down once every year Il
see If the style haint come aroun,
i again, but it haint yet. It's II rea
: good coat, good shining cloth, goot
twist buttons, and it's all lined will
: pretty silk, and anybody wanting
: such a coat, it will be disposed o
| cheap. Perhaps the style may com
around again some day, but dom
I believe it. Now you married fellows
. ! want to ask you n question. Di
r you ever any of you get much wea
! out of your wedding coats?