The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1869-11-18
URE OF THE SYSTEM. fa
RY MARK TWAIN.

" L'armee Francaise." Cfhe French
Army)-E1chdRee. : .'.'fH
What sad thing it is to see man
close a grand career with plagiarism
i'm his mouth. Napoleon's last word 8
.'Tpte d'armee." (Head of the army.
Neither of these remarks amounts to
any thing as lastwords,7 and reflect
little credit upon the utterers. A dis
tinguished man should be as particu-
lar about his last W words as he is of his
last breath. He should write them
out on slip of paper and take the
judgement of his friends on them.
He shouldnever leave such thing
to the last hour of his life, and trust
to all intellectual squirt at the last mo-
ment to enable him to say something
smart with his last gasp, and launch
into eternity with grandeur. No-a
man is too much tagged and exhausted
both in body and mind, at such time
to be reliable; and may be, the very
thing he wants to say he cannot think
of to save him; and besides there are
his weeping friends bothering around !;
and worse than all, as likely as not
he may have to deliver his last gasp
when he is not expecting to. A man
cannot always expect to think of a
notify thing to say under such circum-
stances, and so it is pure egotistic os-
tentatien to put it off, There is hard
ly case on record where a man
came to his last moment unprepared
and said good thing-hardly a case
where o man trusted to that last mo-
ment and did not make solemn
botch of it, and go out of the world
feeling absurd.
Now there was Daniel Webster.
Nobody could tell him anything. He
was not afraid. He could do some
thing neat when the time came. And
how did it turn out? Why, his. will
had to be fixed over; and then all his
relations came ;and first one thing and
then another interfered, till at last he
only had chance to say, .' | still
live" and up he went. OF course
he didn't still live, because he
died-and so he might as well have
kept his last words to himself as to
have gone and made such failure of
it as that. A week before that, fifteen
minutes would have been credit to
himself and a comfort to his family
for generations to come. .Ul-
And there was John Quincy Adams.
Relying ON his splendid abilities and
his GOODNESS in emergencies, he trusted
to n happy hit at the last moment to
carry him through, and what,was the
result? Death smote him in the
House of Representatives, and he OBJ
served, casually, "This is the last of
earth" The last of earth! Why the
'1ast Of earth," when there is SO much
more left? he had said it was the
last rose of summer, or the last run of
shad, itswould have had just as much
point to it. What he meant to say,
was, g Adam was the first, and Adams
is the last of earth, but he put it of
too long, and so he had to go with
that unmeaning expression on his
lips. 4q- n., 10 e~rfsss ..a ~
And there we have Napoleon.
"Tete d'arnee." That don't mean any
thing. Taken by itself. Head OF
the army" is no more important than
Head of the police" And yet that
was man who could have said good
thing if he had barred out the doctor
and studied over it awhile. And this
Marshal Neil, with half century al
his disposal, couldn't dash off anything
better in his last moments than poor
plagiarism of another mans last
words, which were not worth pla-
giarizing in the fret place. "The
French Army Perfectly irrelevant
perfectly fat-utterly pointless
But if he had closed one eye and said
" The subscriber has made it lively
for the French Army" and then
thrown a littleEo comic into his last
gasp,it would have been thing to
remember with satisfaction the rest of
his life. l do wish our great men
would quit saying these fiat things
just at the moment they die. Let us
have their next to their last words fol
q while, and see if we cannot patch UP
something from them that will be 8
little more satisfactory. The public
does hot wish to be outraged in thii
way all the time. II. =. ,...-.s oa.ta
But when we came to. call. to mind
the last words of parties who took the
trouble to make proper preparation
for the occasion, we immediately no
tiee a happy difference in the result.
y. There was Chesterfield. Lord Ches.
,tertield had labored all his life tc
build up the most shining reputation
for ability and elegance of speech and
manners the world has ever seen
And could you suppose he failed to
appreciate the efficiency Of character
! istlc lust RQrds"' in the matter OF
scizing the successful driven nail OF
such a reputation and clinching it or
the other side forever? Not he. He
prepared himself. He kept his eye or
the clock and his finger on his pulse
He awaited his chance, And. at last
when he knew his time was come, he
pretended to think new visitor had
entered, and SO, with the rattle in his
throat emphasized for dramatic effect
he said to the servant: Shin around
John, and get the gentleman chair.
And then he died, amid thVnders q
! applause: ae, e..>..la 1.sIa.r =.
/ Next we have BENJAMIN Franklin
Franklin the author of Poor Richards
quaint saying: Franklin the immor
tai axiom builder !; who used to sit ur
nights reducing the rankest ole
threadbare platitndes to crisp and
snappy maxims that had nice, var.
nished, original LOCK, in their new
legiment4ls, who said, Virtue is itl
own reward )" who said, "procrastina'
ton is. the thief of time;" who said
"Time and tide wait for no man p
good old Franklin, the Josh Billings
of the eighteenth century-thougt
sooth to say the latter tragsceuds hin
| in cQpreptIess at orlhogEaphy. What
] sort of TACTICS did Frauklin pursue
| He pondered over his, last words fol
as much as two weeks, and then wher
the time came he said, F" None but tn,
brave deserve the fair" and died hap
py. He coHld not have said sweetel
! tblng If he had lived till he was al
idiot. |
Byron made poor business of il
and could not think Of apything t.
say, at the last mameht, but " Augusts
=sister-Lady Ryron-tell Harriet
Beecher Stove" etc, etc. !; but Shakes,
peare was ready and ssld, !" England
expects every man TO do his dutyl'
and went off with splendid eclat.
! And there are other instances o.
sagacious preparation for a felicitoul
closing remark, For instappe&
/ Joan of Are ssid==N 4ramP, tramp
the boys qna marqhing,a ~. :