Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1869-10-23
Josh Billings on the Hornet.

The hornet Is an iphamable bugger.
sudden in his impressions and hasty in
hiz conclusions, Or end.
Hiz natural disposisheh Is warm cross
between red pepper, 10 the pod, and fusil
oil, and hiz moral bias il, "git out ov mi
way"
They hav long black boldly, divided
in the middle by waist spot, but their
phisikal Importance lays Mt the terminus
OF their suburb, in the shape of a jave.
lin.
This iavelin il always loaded, and
stands reddy to unload at q minnit'.
warning, and enters q man az still az
thought, az spry az lightnin, and az full
ov melankolly as the toothache.
Hornets never argy a case; they settle
awl ov their differences of opinion by
lettin their javelin fy, and as certain to
hit az mule il.
This testy crittcr lives in kongrega-
tions nun bering about one hundred souls,
but whether they are male or female, or
censervativ, or matched in bonds OF wed.
lock, or whether they are Mormonp, and
good many Of them king together and
keep one husband TO save expense, don't
kno nor don't care.
luever hav examined their habits much.
never konsidered it healthy.
Hornets build their nests wherever they
take a notion to, and are seldom disturb
ed, for what would it profit a man tew
kill 80 hornets and have the ono hun
d-edth one tew hit him with biz jave-
lin?
They bid their nests of paper, with.
ont emmy windows or back doors. They
have ole place ov admission, and the
nest il the shape ov an overgrown pine
apple, and cut up into just az menny
bedrooms az there IL hornets.
1t is very simple to make hornets
nest if va can, but will wager emmy
man $500 he kant bid one that he could
sell to hornet tor half price.
suppose this Uneasy world would
grind around on its axel-tree onst in "a
hours, even eff there want any hornets,
but hornets must be good for something,
can't think now what it IT,
There haint been bug made vet in
vane, nor one that want a good Job,
but thare IL lots ov human men loafin
around blacksmith shops, and cider mills
over the country, that don't seem to be
necessary for anything but to beg plug
tobacco and swear, and steal watermelons,
but yu let the cholera break out once.
and then yu will see the wisdom of hav-
ing jist sich men layin around they help
tew count.
The hornet is an unsushal kuss, he il
more naughty than he is proud, he il
thoroughbred bug, but hiz breeding al d
refinement has make him like some other
folks kno Ov, dissatisfied with himself
and everybody else. Too much good
breeding acts this way some.
Hornets are long lived, l kant state
how long their lives are, but I know
| from inStinkt and observation that emmy
kritter, be he bug or be he devil, who il
mad all the time and stings every chance
he gifts, generally out-lives all his nabers.
The only way tew git at the exact
fteing weight of the hornet is tew tutch
him, let HIM hit you once with hiz jevelin,
and you will be willing TO testify in
court that sumboddy run a one tined
pitchfork into you; and as for grit,
will state for the benefit of those who
haven't had a chance tew lay in their
vermin wisdom az freely az have, that
one single hornet, who feels well, will
brake up large camp meeting.
| These views of Josh are fully sustained, we
think, by the experience of the little African
genius who presides over the editorial kitchen
big family of these yellow-tailed fellows
found hiding place in a cornice of the edito-
rial den, near the Kitchen door, and by some
unaccountable stupidity couple of them un-
dertook to find their nest through the drawers
of the little genius aforesaid. When their
mistake was learned, the experience began
That they were as "spry as lghtnin," was tol-
erably well demonstrated, as well as the spry-
ness of the little African, and "red pepper and
fusil oil" wouldn't of added much TO the inter-
est or activity of the occasion.