The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-01-02
VARIOUS ITEMS.

4
supposed to have been halter.
If you would look "spruce" in your
age, don't "pine" in your youth.
Laugh at no man for his pug nose; you
never can tell what may turn up.
Quilp suggests hair pins as the only
preventive against hair falling off.
A chemist, even in the streets, is
known By his ineaments.
Heavy charge of the light brigade
Gas bills.
The opposite of the seeds of fdiscontent
-caraway seeds.
Was any barber ever applied to to shave
the beard of an oyster?
A popular work of art-drawing ones
pay.
| Good men to attend auctions-men
whose faces are forbidding.
| s'You make my bloodSboil!" as the live
| lobster cried out in the saucepan.
A burden which was thouehtlessly got
must be patiently borne.
ola, me, they don't send the paper,
but they send the writing in a fluid state"
The question is raised whether the
grief Of muliattc can be considered vel
low pine.
| \ bore-the man who persists in talk
| ing about himself when you wish to talk
about yourself.
The new moon reminds one of a giddy
girl, because she is too young to show
much reflection.
It may be a fair question whether a
| man can be said to be welded to eel
ibacy
! True in one sense-A writer may be
said to be more free than a King, mas
much as he can choose his own subjects
The object some wives have in blowing
up their husbands is doubtless to have
them come down.
The man who minds his own business
was in the city a few days ago, but left
Immediately, he felt SO lonesome.
Mr. Pollywog says there is no danger
of being capsized if you only go to the
| hat store.
| Wheels, like men, are often tired, and
very frequently from kindred cause
going round SO much.
The nobfest sight onJ earth is man
talking reason and his wife listening to
him.
What is the difference between hen
and an idle musician? One lays at pleas
ure and the other plays at leisure.
Slander not others because they have
slandered you, bite not a reptile because
you have felt his bite.
If gentleman marries, the lady must
be won before they. are narrled-after
they are both one.
"Well, wife, don't see how they can
send letter on them wires without tear
ing ON 'em all to bits
The lady who took fancy, concluded
ON second thought to return it, and did
What is more natural that sentimental
young ladies, when they get married,
should cease to be pensiye and get ex-
pensive.
When no prognostics of rain can be
observed, if we see lot of young fellows
turn into tavern, we may be certain
there will be few drops, even in the
dryest weather. .
Humble persons-The husband who
does his sechurning, the wife who
blacks her husbands boots, and the man
who thinks you do him much honor.
Gentle people-Thc young lady who
| lets her mother do the ironing for fear
of spelling her hands: the miss who wears
| thin shoes on rainy day, and the young
gentleman who is ashamed to be seen
walking with his father.
| A painfully religious old woman being
asked her opinion Of the organ in
church, the first time she had ever seen
or heard one, replied
cit is a pretty box of whistles, but oh !
it's an awful way to spend the Sabbath" ;"
A good story is told of two young ladies
who were visiting some friends in the
eastern part of Maine. One day young
gent took them out to ride OF course
they must make a display Of their rural
knowledge, discussing volubly upon
various objects as they rode along. Com
ing in sight of field in which some
grain was in the bunch and covered with
hay caps, one of them exclaimed.
';Oh, what a funny grave yard!' to
which the other responded:
90, you goose, that's nothing but a
flock of sheepp'
| TOBACCO DEALERs.-Under the In
ternal Revenue Act of July 20, 1868, it
is provided that all taxes on tobacco and
snuffs shall be paid by stamps attached