The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1869-04-06
A C0ngreSsman's TrfbulatiOn.


Commercial:
Twas at work in my room, yesterday,
when tall specimen of upright human
ity stalkedin.
ssAre you D. P ?" it asked.
Since entering upon my vocation of
correspondent, | mean truthful, indie
pendent correspondent, 1 regard that
question with suspicion / quietly
reached out, and in a careless, graceful
manner put my right hand on a paper
weight of a few pounds, made of BLACK
diamond Heterogeneous cast-steel, bent
cold,'' for the use of the leaned commit
ice on Commerce, and regarded my visi-
tor closely.
He was a man of about fifty-six, with
a paid head; curious sharp little eyes,
an undecided nose: and chin that re-
treated into paper collar. His clothes
were of what we call store goo ds, in the
Far West, and had evidently exhausted
the genious Of village tailor. His legs
were slender and shaky, not from age,
but from habit of never Strengthening
them at the knee. Isaid to myself; this
is not a fightist. He shuffies through
life He has shuffied into office. So I
released my hold on the paper weight and
boldly responded:
"That is my name, sir"
Il am Mr., member of Congress
from. / have read your letters.
Mr.. -, the editor of our paper, told
me to look you up"
II am glad to know you, sir. Take a
seat. What can l do for your"
II want some passes," he said, earn
estly, seating himself.
"What sort passes 7"
"Railroad"
II fear l can not help YOU in that way,
Mr.. I had pass for myself and
family, from the Baltimore and Ohio
Railroad, but because, in return for the
compliment, l said the President had a
locomotive in his belly, I am cut off.
But why do you want passes? Are you
preparing to run away?''
Il wish l could" he answered sadly.
81 wish l could. No, that is not it. l
am run down by office-seekers from my
district. They pilein on me at my board
ing house. l have been sleeping, every
night, on my bedroom floor. They fol-
low me about, and chase me down. They
have smoked all my cigars and drank up
all my whisky, and now they are getting
out of money and want to borrow. l
heard where to find you; made an ex-
cuse to go into an alley, and / ran away.
A police officer thought 1 was thief, and
ran after me. / told him was mem
Der of Congress, running from the Office
seekers He said that was ruff, and let
me go. There is one, woman, worse
than all the rest She wants the best
postoffice I have. What in the Internal
does Grant mean by setting such an ex
ample? All the females in my district
are writing to me, and two hundred will
be here somehow, if we don't repeal this
fool law and fill the offices. This woman
torments my life out; and, yet if give
her the offices, I won't dare go home.
She follers me up like Satan. l can't
eat, 1 can't sleep, can't but on clean
shirt, she pops in on me SO unexpect-
ed. Now, if 1 had a railroad pass :
"How would that help your"
81 believe if l could say to her, 1 can't
give you an office, but here is railroad
pass, she d take it and go. But, Lord
love you, l want hundred. They're
getting out of money, I tell you, and if
l only had 'em. Now, can't you help
me? You newspaper men always have
lots of passes. The editor in our town
hasn't paid railroad fare for mcren twen-
ty- years"
had to assure my poor friend that 1
really could not help him. suggested
TO him to get sign painted, "iSmaH poe
IN this house," and put it up over his
door.
"Pooh," he cried, "do you suppose
they'd care for that? Every bloody one
Of EN- would get vaccinated, and work
in on me- Cholera would not keep'em
Off wish I'd been sunk into eternal
thunder before consented to come to
Congress. Consented2 I worked like
a mule it. 1t cost me all of eight
hundred dollars,-more fool l. What
can | do? My neighbors and constitu-
ents wanted national dog law, for the
better production Of sheep, and to raise
the price of wool. Why, it would take
fellow two years to learn the rales,
and then 1 don't think l could do a
hooter. But cuss these Office seekers"
"You sre safe on the floor, however"
"Devil a bit. They get round the
doors, and send in their names They
run up in the gallery, to see if I'm there,
and then down they come. l hid in the
5arber-shop every day for week, be-
fore they found me out. And then Lit
tlebang, who wants to be Minister to
Europe, wrote home to the paper, and
said had been made Chairman of the
standing committee on Hair
How long my friend would have con-
tinued his lamentations cannot say, but
he was interrupted by an arrival of six
teen of his friends, and left very de-