North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1869-05-12

upon his hoe-handls. At length straight>
ening up, old Jake replied: "Well, l dom.
know, don't know Zoe had id sigA.
Of fam in my d9y!
In a recent case in Indiana justice
complacently remarked, in cumming up the
testimony
Gentlemen of the Jury, in this case the
counsel on both sides are unintelligible,
the witnesses on both sides are incredible,
and the plaintiff and defendant are both
such bad characters, that to me it is indiffer.
ent which way you give your verdict"
An Irishman was going along . road, !,
when an angry bull rushed down upon
him and with his horns tossed him over
the fence. The Irishman recovering from
his fall, upon looking up saw the bull
paving and tearing up the ground, where
upon Pat, smiling at him, said, "If it was
not for your bowling and scraping your
apologies, you brute, faix should think
you had thrown me oyer this fence on pur-
pose"
A gentleman was chiding his son for
staying cut late at night, and said:
"Why, when I was Of your age, my
father would not allow me to 70 out of
the house after dark"
"Then you had deuce of father, you
had" said the young prodigate.
Whereupon the father very rashly
vociferated: II had confounded sight
better one than you have, you young
rascal."
Why is clock q modest piece Of furni-
ture? Because it covers its face with its
hands, and runs down its own works.
Why are wheat and potatoes like the
idols of old ? Because the former have
ears and hear not, and the latter eyes, but
see not.
A miller had couple of sons who were
notorious for saying things not altogether
truthful.
"Johnny," said the old man, one day,
shave you tolled the grist?''
"Yes,"
Sammy, have you tolled the grist7"
"Yes."
"You lie so like the evil one that can't
believe you l will toll it myself to make
sure of it,"
Which senator wears the largest hat?
The one with the largest head.
Why are elections like tents2 Because
the canvass ends at the polls.
Why does sailor know there is man
in the moon? Because he has been to
see (sea).
A wit being requested ito say good
thing" laconically responded, "Oysters r.
SLAMS, where do you live3'' "Acrost
de river init der turnpikes by der school
.. you 60 up NIT yer right hand on do
odder side" As this is perfectly intelli>
.ible as it is, we shall not proceed to ex-
plain. If Hans pleases, hs can "talk like
der books"
A Frenchman, beholding the Niagara
Falls for the first time, exclaimed: "Eh I
dis is ze grand spectacle Superb Magni6-
sent by gar he is come down frst>rate." :"
A newspaper in Oregon publishes mar
riages under the heading FIXED to Stay"
A friend at our elbow suggests that in
Chicago, the proper title for marriage
notices would be "Nix for Stay"
Mr.. Holloway, the new postmaster oi
indianapolis, discovered, on Monday, in
the basement of the Office building, locked
up in : room, fifty.fvs bags filed with
undistributed msil> matter, accumulated
durin the past winter.
A RowDY intending to be witty, thul
accosted q lady in the street, MADAM
can you inform me where I can see thl
the elephsnt?" "No, but if had lsok'
iug>glass, I'd show you very large mon
key." The rowdy sloped.
"Where is the hoe, Sambog' "Wid d,
rake, massa "Well, where 10 the rake r
why wild de hoe" "Weli, well-wher,
arr they both :" "why, both togedder
m 'ssa-you pears to be berry 'ticular di,
mornin' I,
A veteran topper has been reading .
series Of articles on liquor adulteration il
New Yerk-the Analysis of the liqsor'
showing an average of about sixty-6v,
parts Of water to thirty-avs Of spirits
They don't give the spirits fair chance
said the aged bacchanal "thsy'll keep or
fooling with water till it depopulates th'
earth again."
Henry Ward Beecher said in his free
trade speech, in Brooklyn, that his great
great-gran6fathsr was . blacksmith, hi
great-grandfather saddler, his grandfath
sr also saddler, and bis father farmer
till it was discovered that he was not a
for that occupation. and then they made Z
minister Of him.
The hardships of the ooean-iron- n-olads
A hole in mans prodt-s large rent
The vessel no woman objects 10 snbazl
on-a sso,,vk shiu