The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-02-26
dItif ana 1utttar .


Passion fiowers-Toddy Bios
SONS.
A questionable class-School
teachers.
Those who live in Omaha are
known as Omahogs.
A dressmaker advertIses that
she makes dresses lower than ever.
"A wit being requested "to say a
good thing'' laconically responded,
"Oysters."
What IS the first historical men,
tion of a banquet? When Caesars
ghost said to Brutus-'we shall meet
again at filly-pie."
Mrs. Malaprop, whose head Is
Just now full of Ireland, says the doc
tor tells her there 10 something the
matter with the Irish of her eye.
"A metropolitan theatre al noun
ces new play in rehearsal, entitled
"Tame Cats" 1t is said to be one that
appealsIwonderfully to the feline spe-
cies.
"A New Orleans lawyer, the 9TH
er day who was defendinga case against
railroad company. for running over
and manning child, gravely told the
jury that If they awarded damages, the
people of New Orleans would be eter-
nally sending their children into the
street to be run over.
a young lady went into a very
fashionable music store the other day,
and asked the polite proprietor ii he
had any stteline intestlnss for lyrical
purposes 2" She wanted cat-gut gui-
tar strings. For once in ais life the
young man weakened. and was carried
out Oh a cancelled postage stamp.
"A tailor while travelling on the
lake was asked by Yankee where he
lived, what was his business, &C., to
which he replied that he lived i'll Tole-
do, and that his profession was sitting
on the smooth side ofpoverty andjerk-
ing out the cords OF affiiction.
a Dutchman not one hundred
miles from Newtown, having suddenly
lost an infant son, of whom he was very
fond, thus vented his inconsolable
grief for his child /: 81 don't see wot
made him tie-he was SO fatter as put
teri wouldn't hat him die for den
shillings J"
- A lady was once conversing with
a sailor who had suffered shipwreck ;
and, as she took pleasure in the analy-
cation OF feelings and emotions, asked
him compasslonately, allow did you feel
my dear man, when the cold waves
broke over you ?'' But the seaman
knew nothing of metaphysics, and an
swered simply, SWEET, ma'am, very
vet"
Never pay bill on first presen-
tation-it would look as if you were os-
tentatious of honesty. AT the second
time of presenting you may, consider
about il. and say cal again. Third or
fourth time you may be at home or out
of money, and should the creditor call
q flfth, you may have fair reason to
be offe AIDED at his pertinacity, and not
pay the bill at all.
a Virginia paper says that all
that is required in the lodging house
business in White Pine is lot OF stout
hooks and few gunny SACKS. The
hooks are driven into convenient trees
and the dodgers hung up in the sacks.
Tie landlord then has nothing to do
but loaf about until morning and keep
up fires under such trees as he has To-
Gated. t
- An Ohio editoris getting partic-
ular about what he eats. Hear him -
"The woman who made the butter we
bought last week is respectfully reques-
ted to exercise more Judgements in pro-
Forthcoming the ingredients. The last
batch had most too much hair in 1t for
butter, and not quite enough for wa
terfall. There is no sense in making
yourself baldheaded if butter is twenty
five cents pound,
= Here is Mark TwaIn's last con-
tribution to The poetic literature of the
world
They sat upon the front door mat,
Where softly shone the moon,
And listened to the music that
Came from the beer saloon.
His manly arm did round her Irvine,
Their lips in kisses:met:
And when he asked, wilt thou be miner
She said, II will, you betv
= Welded bliss.
God bless our wives;
They fill our hives
With little bees and honey!
They ease LIES shocks,
And mend our socks,
But-don't they spend the money?
When we are sick
They heal us quick
That is If they love us;
Ifnot we die,
With Just one eye,
And wink the other on the sly,
at some young man above us.
= An American writer says ga
woman will cling to the chosen object
of her heart like possum to a gum
tree, and you can't separate her with
out swapping strings no art can mend,
and leaving portion of her soul on the |
upper leather of your affections. She |
will sometimes see something to love, |
while others see nothing to admire
and when fondness is once fastened on |
fellow, il sticks like glue and treacle |
I'm bushy head of hair."
-" Martha, dost thou love ?" ask
ed Quaker youth at whose shrine his |
hearts fondest feelings have been of
fered.
'.Why, Seth, we are commanded to
love one another, are we not?"
"Ah, Martha, dost thou regard me |
with that feeling the world calls love9"
81 hardly know what to tell thee,
Seth /; have tried to bestow my love
on all, but | have sometimes thought
perhaps, that thee was getting more
han thy share"