The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1869-09-10
CHRISTOPHER COLOMBO.

CHRlSIOPHER COLOMBO.
Twain's New Pilgrims Progress" Just
out. The party amused themselves, and
nearly drove the guide crazy, at Genoa,
by pretending utter stupidity and indif-
ference to any wonders he had to show.
After this style:
The guides in Genoa are delighted to
secure an American party, because
Americans so much wonder, and deal so
much IN sentiment and emotion, before
any relic of Columbus. Our guide there
fidgeted about as if he had swallowed
a spring mattress. He was full of ami
mation-full of Impotence. He said
Come wis me, gentlemen come
show You re letter writing Christie
pher Colombo write it himself
write it wis his own hand !-come!
He took us to the municipal palace
After much impressive fumbling IF keys
and opening of locks, the stained and
aged document was spread before US.
The guides eyes sparkled. He danced
about and touched the parchment with
his finger.
''What | tell you, gentlemen? Is it
not so! See! handwriting Christopher
Colombo write it himself"
We looked ndiffercnt-unconcern
The doctor examined the document very
deliberately, during a painful pause.
Then he said, without any show of in
terest:
"Ah-Ferguson - what what did
you say was the name of the party who
wrote this?"
Christopher Colombo! re great
Christopher Colombo!"
Another deliberate examination.
''Ah-did he write it himself, or-or
how? %
"He write it himself!- Christopher
Colombo! he's own handwriting; write
by himself"
Then the doctor laid the document
down and said:
"Why, l have seen boys in America,
only fourteen years old, that could write
better than that"
"But zis is re great Christie"
Il don't care who it is. It's the worst
writing l ever saw. Now, you must
think you can impose on us because
we are strangers. We are no fools, by
a good deal. Ifyou have got any spec
linens of penmanship of real merit, trot
them out !-and if you haven't, drive
on"
We drove on. The guide was con-
siderably shaken up, but he made one
liz IldO
which he thought would overcome us.
He said:
"Ah, genteelmen, you come wis me
/ show you beautiful. Oh, magnificent
bust Christopher Colombo! splendid {!
grand magnificent!
He brought us before the beautiful
bust-for it acdS beautiful-and sprang
back and struck an attitude:
"Ah, look! genteelmen h beautiful,
grand, bust-Christopher Colombo =
beautiful bust, beautiful pedestall'
The doctor put up his eye-glass, pro-
cured for such occasions:
"Ah, what did You say this gentle
mans name was ~
christopher Colombo re great
Christopher Colombo"
Christopher Colombo? Well, what did
he do?"
Discover America !-Discover Amer
lea! Oh, re Devil!"
Discover America. No-that state
ment won't wash. We are just from
America ourselves. We heard nothing
about it. Christopher Colombo-pleas-
ant name-is-he dead ?''
ooh, corpo di Baccho 800 years!"
"What did he die OFF"
Il do not know II cannot tell"
smallpox, think ?"
II do not know, gentlemen II do
not know schGt he die Off
Measles, likely"
''May be-may bel do not know
l think he die of something's"
Parents living?"
'Im-possible!"
''Ah-which is the bust and which is
the pedestal ?"
"Santa Maria Ills &c bust !-zis the
pedestall'
"Ah, Isee-happy combination-very
happy combination, indeed. Is this the
first time this gentleman was ever on a
bust ?"