Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1869-12-03
ONE GLASS TOO MUCH,
OR,
THE WIFE'SA NIGHT CAP

Mr.. ---, who doesn't live more
than mile from the post office in
this city, met some northern friends
with southern principles, the other
evening, and in extending to them
the hospitalities of the "Cresent
City," visited so many of our prince
ly saloons and "Marble Halls" i'm
billing spiritual consultations as
they journeyed, that when he left
them at their hotel, at the midnight
hour, he felt, decidedly felt. that he
had ga brick in his hat" Now he
has wife, an aimiable, accomplish
ed and beautiful lady, who loves
him devotedly, and finds but one
fault with him. That is his too t.re-
quent visits to the place where those
"bricks" are obtained.
After leaving his friends, Mr.. -
paused moment, took his bearings
and having shaped his course, on
the principle that continual angles
meet, made sail for home. In due
course of time he arrived there, and
was not very much astonished, but
rather frightened to find his worth =
lady sitting up for him. She always
does. She smiled when he came in.
That also, she does.
Chow are you my dear E p said
she, "you staid out so late that l
feared you had been taken sick"
"Hic-ain't sick, wife. b but don't t
you think Pm little tight ?''
GA very little perhaps, my dear
but that is nothing-you have so
many friends, as you say, you must
join them in glass once in a while.
"Wife, you're too good-th' the
truth is, I'm id d-drunk p'
ooh, no, indeed, my dear-I'm
sure that even another glass would
not hurt you. Now, suppose you
take glass of Scotch ale with me,
just as a night cap, dear!''
"You are too kind, my dear-I
know I'm d drunk
ooh, no, only a julep too much,
love-that's all3'
"1 1es-juleps-McMaste1s makes
such stiff uns p
"Well-take a glass of ale at any
rate-it can't hurt you, dear, 1 want
one before 1 retire.
The lady hastened to open a bot
tie, and as she.placed two tumblers
before her on the sideboard she put
in one a very powerful emetic. Fill
ing the glass with foaming ale she
handed one to her husband.
Suspicion came clouded upon his
mind. She never had been so kind
when he was drunk. He looked at
the glass, raised it to his lips, then
hesitated.
"Dear, w-won't you just taste
mine to make it sweet-sweeter, .
said he.
"Ccrtainly, lover' taking a
mouthful, which she was careful not
to swallow.
Suspicion vanished; so did the
ale, emetic and all, down the throat
of the satisfied husband. After
splitting out the taste, the lady fin
ished her glass, but seemed in no
hurry to retire.
She fixed tub Of water before
an easy chair, as if she intended to
bath her beautiful feet therein. But
small as were those feet there was
not water enough in the tub to COW
er them. The husband began to feel
and wanted to retire.
''Wait only few minutes, DEAR"
said his loving spouse; Il want to
read the Wyandot Republican,
which come this afternoon.
A few minutes only elapsed, and
then, and then-oh ye gods and
Dan o'lake what a time? The hus-
band was placed in an easy chair
He begun to understand why the
tub was there, he soon found what
allied him. Suffice it to say, thai
when he arose from the chair the
brick had left his hat. It hasn't
been there since. He says he'll nev-
er drink another julep; he can't bear
Scotch ale, but he is death on lem
onade! He loves his wife better than
ever.
Reader, this is truthful story
Profit by the moral.