The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1869-01-07

ble white haired old man who always
taught me to go it alone in euchre when
held both bowers aud the ace, and
look at me now! l am the father of
eight children, and owe my tailor ono
hundred and seventy-five dollars that I
can't pay. Believe me, age brings with
it that experience which time alone can
supply.
In the first place, my boy, when you
60 courting, never start out on the prin-
ciple that you can make good thing of
it by crowding upon the young woman's .
parents. Confine yourself strictly to
the offspring. On the same principle,
If any other vagabond and foolish youth
is prowling around trying to walk into
that woman's holiest emotions, hold
yourself in, no matter how mad you may
feel about it, and, instead Of saying hard
things about him, praise him up as a
good fellow, who means well, and ut the
same time intimate that.xou consider
him of not much accoahsi II a general
way. -
She will like you Tor your magnanim-
ity, and despize him because you pat
ronize him.
Women are like nightmare; they
always go by contraries.
Make up your mind to block the little
game your rival. Always have en-
gagements week or two ahead with
your angel, and ask her to go to the
opera before the sale Of tickets begins
He, like the genuine jackass he is, will
very likely wait until he buys the paste
boards.
Never let him sit you out either.
When you both happen together of an
evening, let him do the most of the talk
ing at first and about the time his limit
ed stock ofideas begin to give out, you
will come up smiling, and he has eithe:
got to sit there like lot of dead wood.
or else go home.
If he stays little too late for decency,
get up and say to him in pleasant
voice, "Come, William, it is getting
late; we had better 60" And he will rise
up and come along, gritting his teeth
and swearing inwardly at you.
But you needn't care, for you'll know
you have a soft thing on him.
When you pop, don't go straddling
around on the floor on your knees. 1t
is not only ridiculous, but it is destruct-
i've to trowsers. If she says eyes, you
don't need any instruction, the whole
business is dd hbitun. If she happen
to remark no." but thinks she can al
ways regard you "as friend" don't
make any observations about suicide.
No girl was ever worth going to the
cold and silent grave for, you know, and
you may have the chance to sail in
again and win.
l knew man who broached the sub
ject eighteen times to the same girl
and he go: her at last.
Never say die. There is no last ditch
in love. The case only grows hopeless
when the girl dies.
Never talk to her of love in cottage
by the sea. -Four story brown stone
houses, with gas, water, and all the
modern conveniences and back stair
case, is what she wants.
If when you ask her to have you, she
says, mot much, l WON'T" don't de-
spair; maybe she will little. But
don't consider yourself accepted because
she rejects you twice. Two negatives
make an affirmative in grammar, but
not in courtship.
If she has any little brothers and sis
ters, let them maui you, and fool around
you, and put their greasy fingers on
your clothes, and make themselves
generally disagreeable.
Never write II proposal to q girl. a
friend of mine did this once, and made
mistake, and directed his letter to the
sister of the one he wanted, aud this
old sister, you observe, accepted him 10y
return of mail, and then because he
down and flogged him and she sued
him for bveach of promise, laying her
claims at S2o, 900, aud she got it.
Lacerated affection is expensive, my
boy.
When you are engaged, don't go
down and spot around after a house the
very next day, nor begin to buy furni-
tnre, cradles, and one thing and anoth-
er. WOmen's minds are like ten dollar
bills, liable to change, and she may
think better of her bargain, and take
another man. Then you have got to
get up an auction of the most ridiculous
character.