The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1869-10-02
BITS OP HUmOR.

The Boston Transcript wants all The
ring leaders OF the gold ring 10 be hung
upon the sour apple tree originally In
tended for JEFF. Davis.
Should Auld Acquaintance DO For
gotH Not Ir they have money.
"A palr Of tights-Two drunkards.
"A work OF art-A fashionable lady,
"A current Impresslon-A ave dol.
lar bill.
Why ls the Gold Coast the best
place 10 80 10 have your leg cut OFT
Because you will find the knee grows
there.
Two French friends met. 'Ah,
good dayl How are your Pretty
well.' And your Witef' 'She 10 trav.
cling For her health?' NO; for
mine.'
"A mans best friend Is q dollar or
two, says an exchange. Two dollars,
or two dollars and q half ls q better
frIend-and 30 on up. The more the
better.
"A Countryman, walking along the
streets Of a town, found bis progress
stopped by close barrlcade OF timber.
what Is that for?' he inquired Of q
person In the street.
'0h, that's to stop the cholera
1Ah2 have often heard Of the board
Of health, but l never saw It before.'
The latest exploit Of a pictorial Is q
cut representing o railroad conductor
sticking bis head In car and shout.
Ing indianapolis, fifteen minutes for
divorces
"A lady In Louisville, Kentucky,
was robbed by fellow who secreted
himself In her chamber until she had
retired. The box containing her Jewel.
~ and that containing her rouge were
just alike, and the thief took the wrong
box. She looked pale on discovering
her loss; but her color came again the
next day.
-One OF the students at Harvard,
who is determined 10 become proficient
In the agurative art, takes his meals on
a multiplication table.
III you are lover, don't love two
girls at once. Love is a good thing,
but 1t Is like butter, It won't do to have
too much on hand at one time.
M. Rouher, the lately deposed
French Minister, Is said TO have made
money by speculatlng on his own
downfall.
"A man In Kentucky recently threw
Q stone through window at his WIFE
She Immediately shot him for Ku.
Klux.
Massachusetts has had q fair, at
which a trial Of cook stoves took the
place Of trial OF horses, but betting
was not lively.
Boston now has one we'll ventilated
concert room-the C0liseum-Ihe roof
having been blown partly of by the
late storm.
-Agassiz says that had he not coax
ed his father 10 give him three years
more study, he would have been 10.
day nothing but banker
The Boston Post thinks that the
lady In the Woman's Rights movement
who wears No. IA shoes, should be
selected 10 crush out all opposition.
AT st. Joseph, Missouri. a negro
recently stole the gallows from the jail,
intending TO use It for the unromEntlc
purpose Of constructing hog-pen.
Hotel bills abroad are famous for
their inord!nale length. as we'll as for
the large amount OIL sum total,' The
landlords, 1t Ia true, give every item,
but this furnishes little satisfaction 10
the traveller, except 10 learn In how
many ways he can be plundered and
how extras can be added on. As
model OF a bill, however, a recent visl-
tor to the sea.bathlng resort OF Trou-
Vile, France, who took bath In his
own room, furnishes the following
specimen Of charges, reduced to United
States currency: Two pals OF spring
water, 10 cents; bringing tie water into
the room, 20 cents; coal, for warming
the water. 10 cents; matches, for light.
Ing the fire, cents; bellows, s cents;
large china bath tub, 81; TWO towels, 80
cents; two napkins, to mop up the wa.
ter spilled on the floor, 40 cents; for
cleaning the stairs on which the water
had also been spilled, 80 cents; washing
OF towel and napkins, 20 cents; making
a total Of 81 20 for the warm fresh water
bath In the bedchamber.