Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1869-09-23
Pleasant P0ragraDilS.

Why was Noah never hungry i'll the
ark2 Because no always had Ham will
him.
When is young mans arm like tho
Gospel? When it makcth glad tho whist
phcrs
SAL whit time do your folks diner
"Saon Us you goes; that's missuss orders
Thin Man -"Boy, what's that hungry
dog following nc ior?" lsoy-'Iic thinks
yon'ro hone, reckon"
An incorrigiblo WAC, who lent minis
ter horse which ran away and threw hit
clerical rider. Thought he should llvo some
credit for his nil III ''spfcntliny the Cos
pol.
A tircsomo talkcr onco s,il to q pub,
lie man he had incontinently bored. "A,
oyster is pleasant to cat, though repulsive
to look at" "Ycs, but then no knows
when to shut up," was tho reply.
An oil millionairo's daughter ut Sara.
toga sings two songs night and 'lay-,all she
knows. Tho old man says no paid $4,000
to learn her music, and she's got to sing OF
bust.
"A girl at Kansas City had six offers OF
marriage within a month, and u hot month,
too. 1t is supposed to bo or occount OF
her frigidity.
"A white boy met colorcd lad tho other
day, and asked him what he had such a
short nose for. II spcct, So it won't poke
itself into other peoples business"
Not long ago captain of volunteers
was publicly presented with handsome
sword, Ho began his reply thus: "Indics
and gentlemen this sword is the proutlest
day Of my cxistencc!" ..'
fare these fresh cggs?"
eyes, madame"
elbow do you know? You speak SO pos
itively."
"Why, Tail them in that box myself
early this morning.
"A couple of follows, who wero pretty
thoroughly soaked with bad whisky, got
into the gutter. After laundering about
for few minutes, one of them said, ''Jim,
let's 90 to another house; this hotel leaks
from below"
"A boy, Ave years of age, having stolen
can Of milk, his mother took him to task,
with moral suasion, and wound up her dis
course by exclaiming:, "What in the world
were you going to do with the milk, any
how" ~ was going to steal little dog
to drink it, j" was the crushing reply.
An intelligent gentleman from Ger
many, on his first visit to al American
church, had q contribution box with q hole
in the top presented to him, and whispered
to the collector, Il don't got mein bapers,
and can't vote" i'.' -.
An Irishmal, being asked by his angry
master what he did to tho dog every. day
to make him cry out rs if cruelty trdated,
"Cruelly trait hinl Yer, honor? 'not1!''l
never could hurt n poor dumb cratur in my
lite;, bat yer honor babe mo cut his TAIL
and SO cut only little bit off every day
to mako it moro aisy for him. -
General Butler was taking tea at the
house of 4 lady friend in Washington, the
other day. The General seemed to look
as if somethsng wis hacking, end the fol-
lowing dialogne took place: Hostess
"Can it be possible, General, you have no
spoon?" Butler, rising Indignantly and
holding ont both hands -:'No madam; if
you don't believe it you can search NO."
Tho other day in Schenectady, on old
lady with two bandboxes III her arms, came
to the track of the Central Eailroad and
inquired ut what time tho next train was
due. On being informed that it would pass
through the city in half an hour, she quietly
dumped her bandboxes on the pavement
and sat down, remarking that she'd whit
till it passed; she didn't want to DO run
over, aud a body couldn't be too kecrful
DR.. G., of Sycamore, Ill.,, is a capital
hand ut q joke. Riding in tho country. one
day, he saw a Sign upon gate post read
ing thus: ''rhis farm for Sail" Stopping
his horse, he hailed q little old woman who
stood ON tip-toe hanging out clothes. Il
say, madam, when is this farm going to
| 's0u?'"
| 'Jnst 20 soon, SIR" replied the old lady,
placing her thumb to her nose, ':as any
body comes along who can raise the wind T.
Tho Doctor drove thonghtfully on.
An old gentleman came homo. from
church. He found frank instigating q
small dog and large cat to enter the ring.
"Why, Frank" he said, show could YOU,
stay away from church? I have heard one
of the most delightful sermons ever deliv-
me to the gates OF Heaven" swell, l
have lodged in, for you will never have
such another chance"
-"ClcrE," said tall Kentuckian to a no.
tel official, ''this young woman and HE
have eloped: Have ye any marryin' f'cili-
ties around here!' 49,.
The clerk replied in tho affirmative, and
the two were ''spliced" in less than IN hour.
Tho bridegroom was evidently not yet sat
isfed, and fingered around the hotel book.
''Clerk," said he, confdentially, at
length, t:hadn't ye better change the regis.
ter, and give us one room, now we're mar
riedY
''It's already done," replied the clerk;
| ttyOu're marked for the same room"
''Well, clerk" replied the Kentuckian,
quickly, t'won't You just show mo up,
then, for I'm a1gful sleepy"