The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1869-12-10
Tho Lawyers and the Cats.

Tho Lawyers and the Cats.
Two Arkansas lawyers were domesti-
Gated in the rude hotel of a country
town. The hotel was crowded, and the
room allotted TO our two heroes was
also occupied by six or eight Others
Shake-down beds, enough to accommo-
date the guests, were disposed about the
room, against the four walls, leaving an
open space in the centre of the apart
mont.
Judge Clark lay with his head to the
north, on one side, and Judge Thomas
lay with head to the south, on the other
side of the room. So far as that room
was concerned, it might be said that
their heads represented the north and
the south poles, respectively.
All the other beds in the room were
occupied. The central part of the room
was deemed neutral ground, in which
the occupants of the different beds had
equal rights. Here, in picturesque con-
fusion, lay the boots, hats, coats and
breeches of the sleepers. There were
no windows, and though the door was
open, there being no moon, the night
was very dark in that room.
The willy lawyers, who had been op-
posing counsel in a case tried in the
town court that day, and had opposed
each other with the contumacity of
wild pigs, were now the very incarna-
tions of meekness, for when the hungry
swarm of mosquitoes settled down and
bit them on the one cheek, they slowly
turned the other to be bitten also.
Bnt hush hark
A deep sound strikes the ear like
rising knell
Me-ow.oww
Judge Clark and Thomas were wide
awake, and sitting bolt upright in an
instant.
Again the startling cry:
"Ye-ow, ye-oww
"There's a ID cat ~ whispered
Clark.
''Scat, you !" hissed Thomas.
Cat paid no attention to these demon.
strations, but gave vent to another
yowl.
"Oh, Lord" cried Clark, 81 can't
stand this! Where'is she, Thomas ?"
"On your side of the room some-
where" replied Thomas.
''No she's on your side" said Clark.
"Ye-owow-owW
"There, / told you she was on your
side" they both exclaimed in breath.
And still the "yowl" went on.
The idea now entered the heads of
+ both the lawyers, that by the exercise
of certain strategy they might be ena-
bled to execute a certain flank move
ment on the cat, and totally demoralize
him. Practically each determined to
file "a motion to quash" the cats at
tachment for that room.
f Each kept the plan to himself, and,
: in the dark, unable TO see each other,
r prepared for action.
;, Strange as it may appear, ii is never
t theless true, that the same plan sug.
gested itself to both. In words, the
plan would be about as follows:
The yowler is evidently looking and
, calling for another cat, with whom he
. has made an appointment. will imi.
tate cat, and this cat will think t'other
cats around. This cat will come to-
, ward me, and when he shall have ar
| rived within reach, I'll blaze away with
anything / can get hold of, and knock
= the mew-sic out of him.
So each of the. portly judges, noise
t lessly as cream comes to the surface of
the milk, ,hoisted himself on to his hands
and knees, and, hippopotamus fashion,
advanced to the neutral ground occupy.
ing the central portion of the room.
, Arriving there, Judge Clark selected
q a boot-jack, and Judge Thomas a heavy
q cow-hide boot, from the heap, and set
4 tied themselves down to the work.
Clark tightened his grip on the boot
/. jack, throwing up his head, gave vent
to prolonged and unearthly "Ye-ow-
ow !" that would have reflected credit
upon ten of the largest kind of cats.
"Aha," thought Thomas, who was
not six feet away, "he's Immediately
around. Now I'll inveigle him " and
he gave the regular dark night call of
= a feminine cat.
Each of the Judges now advanced a
+. little closer, and Clark produced a ques.
a tioning "Ow-ow ~
Thomas answered by a rGassuring
"Pur' ow pur. ow !" and they advanced
little more.
They were now within easy reach
!, and each imagining the cat had but q
moment more to live, whaled away, the
one with his boot, the other with his
boot-jack.
The boot took Clark square in the
mouth, dem0lishing his teeth, and the
I, boot.jack came down on Thomas bald
: head just as he was in the midst of q
= triumphant "Ye-ow!"
When lights were brought the cat had
. disappeared, but the catastrophe WAS in
!, opposite corners of the room, with heels
|, in the air, swearing blue streaks.