Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1869-06-30

Josh Billings on the Cote,


The eotc IL koarsc woolen shccp
They have a split hoof and whole
tail
They have a good appetite and .
sanguine digestion.
They swallo what they cat and will
eat cnnvthing that they kan bite.
Their moral karaklers are not pol
ished; they had rather steal rotten
turnip out OF Il garbage box than cum
honestly hi peek OF oats.
The male gote haz two horns on tho
ridge ov his he'd, aud a mustach on hz
bottom lip, aud IL the plug ugly Of the
naberhood. asf,
A maskuine cote will iite enything
from an elephant down to hiz shadder
on a ded wall.
They strike from their but end, in
stead ov the sholder, aud are as likely
tew hit, az hammer IL a nailhed.
They are hi seasoned animal, as
much so az a pound ov assihdity.
They are faithful critters; and will
stick tew friend az long ez he lives
in shanty.
They kan kline ennything but a
greast pole, and kno the way up q rock
az natural as n woodbino.
They are az certain tew rails as
young ones, sum families are hAh gotes
and the other hatl children. They are
good eating whom they are young, but
they lcve il oph as they git stronger
They are alwus poor in the body,
but phatt in the stumiclS, what they
eat seems TO all 90 to appetight. Hu
might as well agree tew phatt an iWun
rubber over shu by filling it with klam
shells, as tew raise emmy adipoze mem
brane on the outside bust ov cote.
A phatt cote would be literary
curiosity.
They use the same dialekt az the
sheep, and The yung ones speak more
fuently thar. the parents do.
There are only two animals of the
earth that win cat tobakko-one IL a
man and luther IL a gote, but the cote
understands it the most, for he swal-
lers it, the spit, chaw and ALL
The male cote, when he IL pcnsiy, il
a venerable and philosophie looking
old cuss, and wud not make bad pro
fessor ov arithmetic in sum ov our
colleges
They arc handy at livin long time,
reaching an advanced age without
arriving at euny definite konklusion
How long a cote lives without givin
it up, there IL no man now old enufi
tew tell
Methuzeler, II hiz memory was bad
at forgetting, mite give a good'sized
guess, but unfortunately for science
and this essa, Methuzeler aint here.
Gotes viii live 10 emmy klinatc, and
on emmy vi:tlcs, except tanbark. and
if they ever cum to a square death, IL
IL profound sekret, in Il hands oy
few, to this day,
l wouldn't Ike to believe emmy man
under oath who had ever seen mas
kulino cote acktnally die, and stay so.
Speaking OF Metiiuzeler. pnts me in
mind ov tie fact, il man should liy
now a-daze as much as he did, and only
have one eye tew see things with, he
would h,fv tew hav an addishun built
onto the back ov biz bed tew slo away
things into.
The female cote IL either the moth
er, or sister, or cuzzin ov the male
cote, ackording TO the circumstansis
in tho case. or else / labor under a
delusion, | forget which.
They give milk intuitively about a
quart, before il IL watered, in twelve
hours, which IL The subjickt oy nour-
ishment, in various ways.
This milk, which il extraISied from
tire female cote iz excellent tew finish
up young ones on, but is apt TO make
them bellycoSe and fighiinl.
1t is not nnkommon for babe, while
inhaling this pugnashas fluid, 20 let
oph his left colleekshun or diggit and
kctch the nurse on the pinnakle OF the
smeler, and tap il for claret
This is kommon fakt among Irish
babes, and explains the reason viii. in
after life, these same babes make such
brilliant hits.
In writing the history ov the male
and female gole tew adorn the pages
ov future time, fatter myself that
have stuck tew the truth, and haven't
allowed mi imaginashun iew boss the
job.
A great menny ov our best bilt his
torians are apt lew mistake opinyuns
for facts, this IL an easy mistake "a
make, bat when strike a-goose, or a
bed bug, or cote, you nolis ono thing,
] stay with them Fi.is.
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