Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-03-05
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time Because at night they are ROSTERS.
sLook ont for the paint" as the girl said
when the ''fe!low' went to kiss her
In Il Tavern here, says country paper
a man named Drum is, the barkeeper. His
friends csll him the 'sFirit-stirring Drum"
Not Guilty." said an Omaha jury, ''but
if the prisoner is smart, he will leave the
territory before night" He left.
The gentleman who kissed lady's snowy
brow caught a severe cold, and has been
laid up ever since. Served him right.
A revenue officer charged Noah. with
brewing beer in the ark, because he saw a
kangaroo going on board With hops.
Instead of mot transferable" new express
sion is sometimes used No one admitted
except he comes himself" ,,a,,
Why are young ladies at the breaking up
Of q party like arrows? Because they :, CAM
60 off without bow and arc all IN a quiv-
er till they get one. ~ .3'1tt.1
The Louisville Journal having heard that
Senator Yates wants to be Secretary OF the
Navy, asks if a man is eft to be Secretary;
Of the Navy who generally can't navigate"
4 Good Definition. "A little girl in
school gave as a definition Of clearing false
witness against your neighbor, that Sit was
when nobody did nothing and somebody
went and told it.
An Analysing Dame reports that ''she
had heard Of but one old woman who kissed
her COW; but she knows Of many thousands
Of young ones who have kissed very great
calves" ust r., l@3
A richly-dressed lady stopped a boy
trudging along with basket and asked,
"My little boy, have you got religion y
"No man, said the innocent, save gotpo7
tatoes" aai+eEr ~
A lady said to her husband. in Jerrold's
presence: ''My dear, you want some new
trousers" No, I think not, replied the hus-
band. Well, said Jerrold, II think the la
dy who always wears them ought to know"
HOLINESS. At one Of the ragged schools
in ireland, a clergyman asked the question,
"What is holinessY A poor Irish convert,
in dirty, tattered rags, jumped up, and said,
"Plase your reverence, it's to be clane in
side p
A BAD TuING. A Scotch clergyman was
talking very seriously to parishioner about
drinking, and hoped he had produced some
effect. And SO he had, for the parishloner
said s3Ye're right sir! whiskey's bad
thine o.,,oo1o11,, 2oJ ,ub;cEa,, y
Naomi, the daughter Of Enoch, was five
hundred and ninety years old when she was
married. Courage, ladies' :
There never was goose SO gray, 80
But some day. soon or late,
And honest gander came that way,
And took her for his mote
One day, after dinner, Curran said to
O'Leary, "Reverend father, I wish you we're
St Peter" And why, counsellor. would
you wish that | were St. Peter p asked
O'Leary. because, reverend father, in
that case" said Curran, ''you would have
the keys of Heaven, and could let me in"
by MY honor and conscience, counsellor"
replied the divine. sit would be better for
you if had the keys Of the other place, for
then [ could let you out. ...s.s..t-
The Paris wits spare nobody, see how
they treat our friends the doctors: II i.
st the hospital Of, the doctor arrived
grave and thoughtful
GLOW many dead have you? p said he to
the keeper.
mine sir" n
Devil! didn't give ten prescriptions
yesterday"
Eyes, sir; but one Of the patients refused
TO tale any" "a
An Englishman had heard of the yankee
habit Of Dragging, and thought he would
cut the comb Of that propensity. He saw
some huge water melons ON market wo-
mans stand and walking up to her, and
pointing to them, with look Of disappoint-
mcnt, said: .....as il. ..-r. -l,s.
"What d! don't you raise bigger apples
than these in America p
The woman looked al him one moment
and retorted: -t'
"Apples Anybody might know you was
an Englishman Them's huckleberries p
Coon REToRT. "A humorous young man
was driving horse, which was in the hab-
it of stopping at every house on the roadside
Passing country tavern, where were COL
lected together some dozen countrymen, the
beast, as usual, ran opposite the door, and
then stepped, in spite Of the young man,
who applied his whip with all his might to
drive the horse on; the men on the porch
commenced hearty laugh and some inquired
if he would sell that horse ? Yes, 2 said
the young man, "but | cannot recommend
him, as he once belonged to butcher, and
stops whenever he hears any calves bleat."
The CROWD retired to the bar in silence.
PRINTER's WIr.-Printers as a class are
sharp set, and their Wits often leyelled at
persons who write for the, press-ospccially
those who write bad hands" We knew an
editor who WAS dubbed 'sBelShazxar'' by the
printers in the Office. why to you cali him
Belshazzar y we asked. because his
manuscript reminds us of the writing on the
wall at Belsilazzars feast" "How 50 p"
we again asked, "3Fhy, because nobody
who is not possessed of the gift of Daniel or
the concentrated guessing powers of the Yam
kee nation can tell what his manuscript
means" The late Judge Saunders Of North
Carolina, says the Raleigh Standard was no.
ted for his illogible manuscript On one &C.
casion printer, who had been perplexins
his brain in deciphering an article Of the
Judges said: II am in favor Of sending
Judge Saunders to China" nWhy SC p
asked young typo, "Wc have no minister
to that country" Il lcn't propose to send
him as minister. He could make an indie
pendent fortune marking tea 6oaes p.