The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1869-12-02
THE josh. BILLINGS PAPERS.
THE DISTRICT sKooLMAsrER.

THE DISTRICT SKOOLMASTER.
There IL one man in this basement
world that I alwus look upon with
mkt pheelings Nv pity and respeckt.
Pity and respeckt as a general mix
tur, don't mix well.
You will find them both travelling
around amung folks, but not often
growing on the same bush.
When they do hug each other they
mean sumthing. 1 |
Pity, without respeckt, hain't got
much more oats in it than disgust has.
/ wonld rather man would hit me
on the side Of the head than tew pity
me. r.7rkzr
But there IL one man in this world
to whom alwus take off my hat, and
remain uncovered until he gets safely
by, and that il the d1strickt school
master.
When I meet him 1 look upon him
az a martyr just returned from the
stake, or on his way there tew be
cooked. ! tti't
He leads more lonesum and single
life than an old bachelor, and more
anxions one than an old maid.
| He isremeihbered justabout as long
and affektionately as glide board il
by a travelling pack pedlar. 81.
| If he undertake to make his skolars
love him, the chances are that he will
negleckt Their; larning; and if he don't
lick them now and then pretty often,
! they viii soon lick him. h5'-
The districkt skoolmaster hain't got
a friend on the fiat side NV Garth. The
boys snow ball him during recess the
girls put water in hiz hair die, and the
skool committee make him work for
haff the money bartender gifts, and
board him around the naborhood,
where they give him rhy coffee, sweet
ened with molasses, tew drink, and
Goldfish bawls times day for vittles.
/ And, with all this. abuse, I never
heard districkt skoolmaster swear
ing emmy thing louder than-Condenaa'
it.
| Don't talk tew me about the pash-
unce ov anshunt Job. JOB had putty
plenty nv biles all over him, no do ubt,
but they were all Nv one breed.
Every yung one in a districkt skool
il bile Nv different breed, and each
one needs different kind ov poultiss
to get good head on them. a..
4 "A distrikt skoolmaster who duz a
square job and takes his Goldfish bawls
reverently, il a better man tew-day
tew have lieing around loose than Sol
omon would be arrayed in all ov his
Iglory. .a.gea c.ea
| Solomon wuz better at writing pro-
verbs and managing a large family.
than he would be few navigate dis
trikt skoolhous. IL
Euny man who hazkept a distrikt
skool for ten years, and boarded
around the naborhood, ought to be
made mager7general, and hav pen
| shun for the rest ov his natral days,
and hoss and waggin to do hiz goin
around in. .s.-
! But, as general consequence, a
distrikt skoolmaster hain't got any
more warm friends than an old blind
fox hound haz.
He IL jist about az welcome az tax
gatlierer il.
He il respekted a good deal az a
man IL whom we owe debt ov SO
dollars and don't mean tew pay.
He goes through life on back road
az poor az woodsled, and finally IL
missed-but what ever bekoms ov his
remains, kant tell ...,ar
Fortunately, he IL not often sensi-
tive man; if he waz, he couldn't any
more keep a distrikt skool than he
could file kross kut saw.
Whi il it that these men and vim
men, who patiently and with crazed
brain teach our remorseless brats the
tejus meaning of the alphabet; who
take the first welding heat on their
tdestineys, who lay the stepping stones
and enkurrage them tew mount up
wards, who have dun, more hard and
mean work than emmy klass on the
lfutstool, who have prayed over the
reprobate, strengthened the timid, re-
strained the outrageous, and fiattered
/ the imbecile, who hav lived on kod-
| fish and vile coffee, and hain't been
heard to sware-whi il it that they
are treated like vagrant fiddler
danced to for night, paid oph in the
morning, and eagerly forgotten
:. I had rather burn a coal pit, oil
keep the flies out of q butchers shor
I in the month Of August, than meddle
with the distrikt skool Dizziness.