Tama County Republican. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1867-1872, 1869-11-18


everything was ready, | was arrested,
and the formible indictment read to
me. l saw at glance that time and
talent had been brought into requisi-
ton, and that my trial was to be
more elaborate than any that had
preceded it. l asked for half an hour
to prepare for my defence, which
was granted. Meanwhile, seats were
arranged to accommodate the court and
spectators, and extra settees were
placed for the ladies on The upper
deck, when they could look down, see
and hear all that transpired. Curiosity
was on tip-toe, for it was evident that
this was to be a long, exciting and
laughable trial. At the end of half an
hour the Judge was on the bench, the
jury had taken their places; the wit
nesses were ready; the counsel tor the
prosecution, four in number, with pens,
ink, and paper in profusion, were seat.
ed and everything seemed ready. l
was brought in by special constable,
the indictment read, and l was asked
to plead guilty, or not guilty. l read
and in q most solemn manner stated
that I could not conscicntiously plead
guilty or not guilty; that l had in fact,
committed many Of the acts charged
in the indictment, but these acts l was
ready to show were not criminal, but
on the contrary, worthy of praise. My
plea was received and the first wit
ness called.
He testified to having visited the
prisoners Museum, and of being hum
bugged by the Fejee Mermaid; the
nurse OF Washington; and by other
curiosities, natural and unnatural. The
questions and answers having been all
arranged in advance, everything " ork.
ed smoothly. Acting as my own
counsel, l cross-examined the witness
by simply asking whether he saw
nothing else in the Museum besides
what he had mentioned.
"Oh! y,s, | saw thousands of other
things"
"Wcre they curious?"
Certainly; many of them very as.
tonishing."
did you witness dramatic repre-
sentation in the Museum"
"Yes sir, very good one."
"What did you pay for all thls?"
twenty-five cents"
"That will DO, sir; you can step
down."
The second, third and fourth wit
ness was called, and the examination
was similar to the foregoing. Anoth
er witness then appeared to testify in
regard to another count in the indict.
ment. He stated that tor several weeks
he was the guest of the prisoner at
his country residence, Iranistan, and
he gave most amusing description
of the various schemes and contrivances
which were originated for the purpose
OF being carried out at some fnturc day
in the Museum.
"How did you live there?" asked
one of the counsel for the prosecution
"Very well, indeed, in the daytime,
was The reply; "plenty OF the best to
eat and drink, except liquors. In
bed, however, it was impossible to
sleep. I rose the frstnig struck a light,
and on examination found myself GOV.
cred with myriads of little bugs, so
small as to be almost imperceptible.-
BY using my microscope ! discovered
them to be intantile bedbugs. After
the first night l was obliged to sleep
in the coach-house in order to escape
this annoyance"
OF course this elected much mirth.
The first question put on the cross-ex.
animation was this:
Are you q naturalist, sir?"
The witness hesltated. In all the
drilling that had taken place before
the trial, neither the counsel nor wit
ness had thought of what question
might come up in the cross-examina.
tion, and now, not seeing the drift Of
the question, the witness seemed a
little bewildered, and the counsel for
the prosecution looked puzzled.
The question was repeated with
some emphasis.
mo sir!' replied the witness, hesita'
tingly, II am not q naturalist"
"Then, sir, not being q naturalist
dare you affirm that those microscopic
insects were not humbugs instead oi
bedbugs"-(tkere the prisoner was in
terrupted by a universal shout oi
laughter, in which tho solemn judge
himself joined land if they were
humbugs, l suppose that even the
learned counsel opposed to me, will
not claim that they were out of placer
"They may have been humbugs,'
replied tho witness.
THAT will do, sir-you may CO.
SAID I; and at the same time tarning
to the array of counsel, / remarked
with smile, "You had better have q
naturalist for your next witness, gen
tlemen."
s'Don't be alarmed, sir, we have got
one, and we will now introduce HIM,
replied the counsel.
The next witness testified that he
was planter from Georgia, that some
years since the prisoner visited his
plantation with a show, and that while
thero he discovered an old worthless
donkey belonging to the planter
and bought him for five dollars-the
next year the witness visited Iranistan
the country seat Of the prisoner, and
while, the grounds, his old donkey
recognizing his former master, brayed
"whereupon, waking about continued
the witness. II walked up to the aaima
aud found that two men were engag
ed in sticking wool upon him, anc
this animal was afterwards exhibited
by the prisoner as the woolly horse.
The whole court-spectators, ant
even the "prisoner" himself were con
vulsed with laughter at the gravit!
with which the planter gave his very
ludicrous testimony.
"What evidence haye you," en-
quied, that this was the same donkey
which Won ROld tn mepn