Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1869-04-06
MISCELLANEOUS.
Josh Billings on Grasshoppers


The grasshopper is bird of mussel. He
kin jump further than emmy other bird Nv his
age and wait that Gums under the he'd Nv mi
rekollecshun.
The grasshoppcr is malgumated bird
He is part bird, and part quadrooped, and
part legs, lie is mostly the latter. His
behind legs is longer than his be 4 legs, and
they are brawder and wider and stronger and
more devellupped like. To his credit be it
sed, his legs are seldum used for kickin pur-
puses. They are too valooable as a means of
locomoshuu.
Natur, in his wisdum, has pervided the
grasshopper with wings-1 on each side
Nv his boldly. Theas are NV CRATE servis 2
him when he wants 2 to convert Nv his hops
in 2 general I'll. He is a sorin animul and
a singin bird likewise. can't edzactly make
up mi mind whether he sores as he sings, or
sings as he sores, but on the whole think
he duz.
Grasshoppers is Nv kinds-male and
female. There are sum other varities, but
tha are not menshuned in history. Tha travel
in regimentle order, , and hundred deep,
in medders and COW pastors and sich places,
and sum how uther tina are always goin the
same way yew are, and manage with pleas
ing sucksess to keep ahcd OF yew.
Grasshoppers is most frequent in summer.
Tha scldum sta out late Nv nights, and do not
cum around emmy in winter. Tha are sum>
mcr fowl exclusively, and are a sign of grass.
[ have knowed grasshoppers not yet out Of
their teens that Good sore 3 feet high purpen-
dickerly, and hop 200 yards horizontally, on
bright, bootiful day in Jewli. for stamps.
BED-DUGs
never seen ennybody yet but what dis
pissed ed-bugs. They are the meanest of aul
crawling creeping, hopping, or biting things
They dasent tikle man by dalite, bat
sneak in after dark and chaw him while he il
fast asleep.
A musketo will fte you in broad dalito at
short range, and give you fair chance to
knock in his sides-the flea liz a game bug,
and will make a dash at you even in Broad>
way; but the bed bug IL garroter, who waits
till you strip, and then picks out mellow
place tew eat you.
If was in the habit of swearing wouldn t
hesitate to cuss a bed-bug rite tew his face.
Bed>bugs are uncommon smart in a small
way. one pair of them will stock hair mat
tress in two weeks with bugs enuT tew last a
small family for whole year.
1t don't do emmy good to pray when bed
bugs are in season /; the only way to get rid of
them is to bile the whole bed in acquafortis,
aud then heave it away and buy new one.
Bed-bugs, when they have grone aul they
intend to, are about the size of a bluejay $
eye, and have a brown complexion, and when
they start out to garrote are az u greese>spot,
but when they get thru garroting they are
sweled up like blister.
1t takes them two days tew git the swelling
out of them.
If bed,bugs have any destiny to fill, it must
be their stummucks, but it seems tew me that
they must have been made by accident just
as sivvers are, tew stick into sumboddy.
If they wuz got up for some wise purpose,
they must have took the wrong road, for there
kant be emmy wisdum in chawing a man aul
mite long, and raising family besides to follow
the same trade.
If there is some wisdum in aul this, I hope
the bed>bugs will chew them folks who kan
see it, and leave me be, because l am one Of
the hereticks.