Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1869-11-13

WHAT is the worst scat a man can sit
on? Self.conceit.
VINO was the first jockey? Adam, for
he was the father Of the race.
QUARRRLs would nevOr last long if
tho fault were on one side only.
RAILROAD men are looking with aston
ishment at q trunk marked llworth,
Kansas"
PARLIAMENT refuses to concede a
change of name to Mr.. John SHORTCUTS
Of London.
Why can n white man get madden
than an lndian2 Because white heat is
better than red.
A YoYuG lady was seen 10 60 into n
pawnbrokcr's the other day, to pledge
her troth. n. B. She was engaged to
the assistant.
A NEGRO undergoing examination as a
witness, when asked II his master was n
Christian, replied, "No, sir; be is n
member Of Congress"
THE Working womcn's Association
has maramus, caused by a muss insti-
gated by the real workiug-women, who
say they do not belong to it.
AN old lady on Al Indiana train,
hearing tho brakeman sing ont
" Eubank's Gut" sailed to the door
and asked, Is he hurt much"
An Indian tried the softness Of fcath-
ers by laying one on a rock and stretch
ing himself upon it. There are some
who try the virtue of advertising IN the
same plnn.
IL you would enjoy your meals, sit
down to the table good natured. An
angry, fussy man or woman cannot tell
whether they are eating boiled cabbage
or stewed umbrellas.
CENTER Point, Iowa, has n wonderful
dog, which makes a very respectable
farm hand, taking horses to water,
bringing up tho cows, fetching in wood,
and other doggoned tricks.
THE President has accepted n section
Of sixty three miles Of the Western
Pacific Railroad, and ordered the
bonds due on account of the. con-
struction thereof to be issued to the
company.
A WESTERN paper says:-"Wanted at
this office, an editor who can please
everybody. Also, a foreman, who can
arrange the paper so as to allow every
mans advertisement to head tho COL
umu."
The editor of the Port Huron (Michi-
gam Times wrote 10 Carlyle for his au-
Telegraph, and received tho following
answer: "Here is my Autograph.
Much good may it do you'll. Carlyle,
Chelsea, 23rd June, 1862"
Az eminent physician says that tho
white rubber, used for nursing bottles
and infants toys, is very poisonous,
causing sore mouth, skin e%ruptions, de-
cayed teeth, spinal curvature and death.
In Europe the sale of it is prohibited by
law.
"THERE 10 no secret about success in
life," said Commodore Vanderbilt, dali
you have to do is TO attend to your
business and 60 Ghead-eIcept one
thing" added the Commodore, ''aud
that i, never to tell what You are going
to do till you have done it,"
AT Red Wing, Minnesota, n dining
room girl Mt the National Hotel was
married last spring to one of the stage
drivers, and the pair went 70 live at his
home near Rochester. By the death Of
an uncle at tho East, the wife this fall
has been left property valued at about
$3.50 900.
WHILE an ignorant lecturer WAS de-
scribing the nature of gas, a blue stock.
ing lady inquired of a gentleman near
her what vas the difference between
oxygin and hydrogen? every little,
madame" said he, "By oxygin, we
mean pure gin, and by hydrogen, gin
and water
A PARIS paper tells q charming story
of clever precocity: "Mamma," said a
girl of fourteen, "you never let me
play c~hsrades, but l know how to make
them too. Listen. Ny first is n domes-
tic animal. Ny second is what every
woman tries to conceal. My whole
is the beginning of liberty. Can you
guess it?" "No." But mamma, it is
very simple. 1t is marriage" 1t is, we
suppose, hardly worth while to remind
any one that mari is the French for hus-
band.