The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1869-04-27
WHAT BACHELOR THINKS o. BABIES

Junius H. Browne, in an article in the
last number Of Pdckards NonthIy, thus dis.
COURSES on the delicate question Of babies.
1t vas unnecessary for him to announce in
TIE caption Of the article that tue views
"er. those Of a bachelor:
Women have said that cur sex is uucn.
durable from the time they leave of kissing
Va as babies and begin to kiss US ~ men.
those women we're certainly half right. No
maH Of Paliautry will consider himself az.
grIeyed Il he has been neglected in infancy
provided the osculatury obligation then due
wards
Respecting feminine babies, only those
H'e agreeable who are sixteen aud upwards;
una they are quite as much babies ,hen ag
when the poles Of their little lives are nara
gote and teething.rrngs. Tho developed
babes surely cry as much as they did If
S"S1d'Ing clothes; but they cry graceful,
Hua Seniimentallyj they make no NOISE
"OYu' H. ana their audiences are usually
audiences Of one.
what is there, what can there be, of in.
teFest 10 baby, properly such? Will some
one tell me have been diligently pou.
derng the question for twenty years, and TO
~ purpose. have even gone to see ba.
bie5 regardless of sex and convenience, IN
discover, II possible, the secret of their
charm. Their beauty and wonderfuluess
were tod me beforehand but when stood
~ ,aelr crimson presence, anxious to be de.
hEhted, they only sought to sstonish mo
WIN such HecrOmnntIc iests AS swaUowIu ,
their own tsts-ieats which [, with the
taint OF original sin, regretted they never
quite succeeded in. When | went very ,eor
them, or attempted by magnetic manipuJe.
ton 10 quiet the roar Of anger and defiance
my society caused, they insisted on pulling
my haT--with which | never was superAu.
ous'y blessed Or probing the sockets of nv
eyes with their cherubic fingers, To that
objected, as ! had but two eyes. and wac
consequently rebuked by the dot,uy mother
who charged me with interfering with the
Daby amusement. | nm very willing bn.
bles should be wholesomeIy occpnied Ln,
when their happiness and my vision are
tt"IouPAtIo'e, am wretch enough to pre-.
fer my vision.
pity babies from my Utmost soul
always did but | cannot like them-foy
they are not likeabe. They must suffer,
poor little creatures if they did not ther
Tol'd not keep up such an informal NOISE
II IS an axiom in philosophy that there is
no effect without sufficient cause; and ac.
cepnng this, where there IS such perpet
ual cutlery, there must be a correspondent
pain.
Babes are not to blame for being disagree
ao'e they cant help it. They want to be let |
alone ana Kept aut Of sight, if they are well |
pred but their foolish parents won't let
them have their way, unless the word il
differently spelled. The unfortunate babies
must be taken into the light, aud looked at,
and criticised, and poked in the ribs. and |
asked TO laugh q little. The idea of Iauph |
ing under such circumstances CRYING il
m mIt more natural, and they cry, of course.
VINO wouldn't? To put sensitive and
egus'O'e baby on exhibition and insist on il
P'aylhSa comedy part with dozen pins in its
mesh, AMI several doses of medicine intern.
any, revealing the ignorance Of physicians.
IS much like insisting that bereayed son
funeral
Nor are Babies bound to resemble their
latLer or mother, or both at q time. They
must nave a confused notion what their Der.
s,aaI appearance is after being assured that
,"vy HTe exact cOuuterparts Of their parents.
a a-i =, u4c'es, grandfathers, grandmothers,
50 'neH cotemporaDeous relatives. The !
I"'u - 'An' they don't look ike ANYTHING
Al P"i%-u'ar but themselves Bnap,y &c ;,n
PossiOIe 10 them, and thew know :, Tba;. q
ii"tI-! pr''9 Is reyo.ted at the THOUGHT of P
DeIng compared TO their ancestors who nav Ct
S11u.e ~ 10 coiHe'y. Their iutuiti,e sens
Oh art Is quite suitc,en, 4, irr,rrn ,Lo,o 49,,
seven to thirty pounds Of scorl.. I'M y
p''s, with lmperceptibIe nose ,,..',k D'-u1
eyes, and entire absence Of .-L.'.1en
nov constitute beauty. They ar. 49, w
S Sua' 'usy suffer by comparison ,y.E l.I1'
60 "1'lnA''' even With geese aud r,g. ~
iaE % Dos'ne'ics CO. and, therefore Bes~,. ~
q uoi'Sa'e SUBJECT they would prefer M, o.,
nave discussed. Babies have M ;n5;,:3s -
ny OF appearance whatever, and disooro-."' =
"Hsnesses between them and rnatnra lug
SoDs Is as II we compared the tepdarnos.f e J
steak with the expression NJ j bnsuo .,
countensnce. VI human
,,, ian any one tell what becomes If -.
nGIlefiu! children that are mornsn =, sIe
M 49, S'Iu NO woman ever gave b,,I ::
A. litah ever oegat, common place - ~ Of
Jay os6y; and yet, out Of ten Tho, very
PERSONS not more than one ia in anr gwen
some great revolution nrs, a..
nsnity between childhood and 'U g., 70 hu- OF