Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1869-10-07
Amusing ParagpanIDs.

tached to the bond Of matrimony:f i -
-"Pantaloonatics' is what the wicked
New York Star calls the women's Fighters.
"A Chicago girl says that she doesn't
get married, for the reason that she doesn't
know whose husband she might be marry
ing E,s,..r.e M 5I,3.ar,I
= The Chicago Post is responsible for the
statement that the reason why Frelinghuy-
sen declined the Chinese mission has leaked
out. He wasn't on good terms with his un-
Gle. Old Hyson, who lives there.
"A looker-on at the funeral of Marshal
Neil, who could not sufficiently admire the
Ihearse, kept 7repeating: "What a fine
hearse! What a splendid hearse! How
happy these rich people are y
An exchange says the difference be-
tween an editor and his wife is, zone
writes articles to set, and the other sets
known q more striking difference" than
that between an editor and his wife.
AT . church in Essex, England. lately,
the clerk, feeling unvell. asked his friend,
the railway porter, to take his place for
Sunday. He did SO. but being worn out
with night-work. fe:l asleep. When the
hymn was announced. neighbor gave him
q nudge, upon which he started up, rubbing
Elmswell, Thurston, and Bnry!'
An imaginative writer says: ''Woman
is compounded Of three articles, sugar,
tincture Of arnica, and soft SOAP Sugar,
because Of the sweetness which is apparent
in most women-alas! that in son1c it
should have calculated into strong domestic
80. se -
be found that quality of healing and sooth-
fiict us men in the great battle Of life; and
soft soap, for reasons too obvious for speci-
fication." %&a ) ::
yellow citizens" said stump orator,
1--WE have the best country in the, world,
and tho best government. No people on
the face Of the globe enjoy more privileges
than We do. We have the liberty of the
press without oneroas despotism: What,
Can you want anything more, my country
men7'sAas $50
Eyes, nil" shouted . listener. II want o
suck Of that flask sticking out Of your coat
pocket, behind"
! ris. Madame de BIS husband was away
W oAACA"s uuSy ~ n'HoAa,a "Ao0 nuos W
| consummate liasOn with youth of thirty,
proclaimed his death. mourned three weeks
and then married the lover. But suddenly
M. B. returned, was kindly received by
his wife, and murdered on the staircase by
a hired rufian. How to dispose of the
body. Husband No. 9 would take it to the
river in a sack; he did SO, toppled it over
the bridge aud found himself dragged after
! it into the water and drowned. Madame
b had deity sewn the sack to his coat.
He told no tales, and she vent travelling
the next day with another friend. 49,. T.!
james r. Brady was very fond of the
ready natural wit Of his countrymen. One
day, speaking of this to friend. he said,
I'm just show you q sample. I'll speak ia
any Of these men at work and you'll sec
thatsl will getAny answer" Stepping up
TO the men whoswere at work ON q cellar
near by, he spoke to them cheerfully,-
Good day; good, day to, You. boys: That
looks like hard work for you. - s.Faix an
it is, P" was the answer, ''or We wouldn't be
havin' the dom of it: Pleased with this,
he asked the man what part of Ireland he
came from. s.Ah,g said Brady, on hearing
the pdolei II came from that region my.
self:' ''Yhes," said the man, with anothel
blow of his pick. 'there was many nice
people Is that place, bat I never heard that
any Of them left it. -. IS 49,. =
! "A romantic yonng lady fell the. othe,
! day into the river, and was nearly drown.
ing, hNt sqccor being fortunately at hand,
she was drawn out senseless and carried
home. On coming to, she declared to bel
family that she must marry him who had
saved her.
Impossible" said her papa.
What, is he already married ?"
| "No."
'.Wasn't it that interesting young man
who lives here in orr neighborhood?'
Dear me. not was a Newfoundland
dog.
Two urchins, ''Tom" and '.Jack,
went to school for the first time The
teacher asked ''Tom" what his name was.
"raum," replied the boy.
but Thomas"
"raumas, " repeated the boy.
''That's better. Now, my lad" said he,
turning TOT he other, whose face suddenly
frightened up with q new conceived idea,
"what's your name?"
''Jack-as, replied the urchin, promptly.