Weekly Trinity journal., 1869-04-17
Not for the Ladies.

In honor of the birth of the first born, " catnip
weddings, have been invented.
Adves TO Young Ladies-If you have taper fn-
gers, mind you don't burn them.
How to get at the real complexion of some la
dies-Take a little soap and water.
The new moon reminds one of a giddy girl,
because she is too young to show much reAec-
ton.
If secret voting be adopted and spinisters get
votes, how will they like to be called ballot
girls?
We ascertain the qualities of bell by ringing
it, A young man had better learn the qualities
of belle before ringing her.
"Tbou rainest in this BOSOM" said the chap
when the basin of water was thrown over him
by a lady he was serenading.
Josh Billings says Zone of the fussyest
scenes l ever listened TO wuz two old mades
waiting on one sick bachelor"
"That's very singular" said young lady to
a gentleman who had kissed her. "Oh, we'll,
my dear miss, ! can make 1t plural"
What more natural than that sentimental
young ladies when they get married, should
cease to oepensive and get expensive?
A reader writes that Ae takes no stock in the
"new woman's club" He says the " old wo-
mans club - is enough for him, and frequently
too much.
Says Kate to her new husband "John, what
rock does true love build upon?" Quoth John,
and grinned from ear to ear, " The rock of yon-
der cradle, dear ~
An old bachelor thinks that the trains of la
dies dresses are Internal machines, from the
fact that a blowing up took place directly after
be put his foot one.
Josh Billings wickedly says: 81 never knew
a very handsum woman engaged in the woman
rights mOvement-they play kards they already
hold to better advantage"
81 loved my wife. said wag 80 at first, as
much as ever anybody did love wife, For the
first two months, actually wanted to eat her up,
and ever since then I've been sorry didn't"
Lyncbburg paper, talking of certain articles
worn by the lauies, says: The false bosoms
are made of fine wire and look and feel quite
natural" How do you know, you old rascal9
A sporting man remarked on belle in the
habit of wearing low-recked dresses, who car
ried off matrimonial prize in the shape of a
rich old widower, that " she won the race by
neck"
Why is pretty young lady like locomotive
engine? Don't give it up there are lots of
reasons. She sends off the sparks, transports
the mails (males), has train following her,
and passes over the plain.
Ladies don't like TO offer themselves This
sort of thing cheapens good wares. They pre-
fer to be won. A thing worth having is worth
effort. If it is uphill work, let young men bear
the fact-the treasure-in mind.
A cynical journalist says the reason so many
marriages occur Immediately after a war is that
bachelors become so accustomed to strife that
they learn to like it, and after the return of
peace they enlist in matrimony as the next thing
to war.
Kentucky girl, who married fellow of
mean reputation, was taken 10 ask for 1t by her
uncle. ~ know. uncle" she replied, Z" that
Joe is not good for much but he said l dared
not marry him, and won't take stump from
any body
Kate was talking glowingly about " love APP
pies" tThat's strange ~ exclaimed Charlie,
her accepted lover. Why should love- be
associated with 'apples?' On the contrary l
thought love always went in pairs" Kate
smiled approvingly.
handsome young bride was observed to be
in deep reflection on her wedding day. One of
her bridesmaids asked her the subject of her
meditation. 81 was thinking" she replied,
" which one of my old beaux l should marry
should become a widow"
"Ah," said Seraphna, speaking on some sub
ject on which her feelings were enlisted, " how
gladly l would embrace opportunity y
" Would / were an opportunity ~ interrupted
her hashful lover. So they embraced, and min
gled their tears together. Oh
A lady, paying a visit to her daughter, who
was young widow, asked why she wore the
widows garh long? ''Dear mamma, don't
you see,' replied the daughter !" it saves me the
expense of advertising for a husband as every
one can see that am for sale by private con-
tract"
young lady in the course of lecture, the
other day, said, Get married, young men, and
be quick about it, too. Don't wal. for the mill
lennlum, hoping that the girls will turn to an
gels before you can trust yourself to one of them
pretty thing you would be alongside of an an
gel, would you not, you brute?''
A lady says the first time she was kissed she
felt like big tub of roses swimming in honey,
cologne nutmegs and cranberries. She also felt
something running through her nerves on feet of
diamonds, escorted by several little Cupds, in
chariots drawn by angels, shaded by honeysuck-
les, and the whole spread with melted rainbows.
The Boston Traveller says: 1--WE saw a Gre
cian-bender making her tolsome way across the
common Yesterday, whose appearance suggested
the condition of poor soldier, whose heavy
knapsack has slipped down to the small of his
back, and who, lot being allowed to halt and
adjust the burden, was trying to carry it along
until a halt was made.
- youuS ioSt u curly poouIc
on which she set great value, and which she fed
with her own hands. Not long after the poodle
had departed this transitory life, Fridolina was
seen to contemplate with great pensiveness the
countenance of bewhiskered and be-enigletted
young man. "Fridolina, my DEAR" said her
maiden aunt, very proper old lady, don't
look your Frizzly; he'll think you nre in
love with him." 81 can't help it, Aunt
Sophia" replied Fridolina, with tears in her
lovely eyes, "his expression is so like Mop
pets %
A Partisan gdxtiere who had for several years
a cher ami who was domesticated in the family,
for madame had husband, was suddenly dis
covered, and no doubt remained in the mind of
the Gallo maritus. Seizing a knife, he was
about to fling himself upon the enemy of his
peace, when the goStiere sprang between them,
and repulsing him, exclaimed in thrilling ac-
cent: Wretch would you kill the father of
your ehildreaf" The knife fell from the hand of
the Frenchman, and when last seen he was still
dissolved in pe1itent tears
The New York Musical RepieH utters the fol-
lowing: Concerning the young ladies Of Phila-
delphia, it is said that they could not walk to an
evening concert, or lecture, or other place of
amusement The beaux, consequently, have to