The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1869-01-30

of my fellow-oreatures where bottle OF water
and notebook were conspicuous objects.
For in either of those associations should ex-
pressly expect him. But such is the design
ing nature of the man that he steals in
where no reas oning precaution or provision
could expect him; as in the following case:--
Adjoining the Cave of Ignorance is a country
town. In this country town the Mississippi
Momusee, nine in number, were announcedto
appear in the Town Hall, for the general de-
leotation, this last Christmas week. Knowing
Mr.. Barlow 20 be unoonnected with the Mis-
sssippi, though holding Republican opinions,
and deemipg myself secure, l took a stall.
NV object was to hear and see the Mississippi
Momuses in what the bills described rs their
National Ballads, Plantation Breakdowns,
bigger Part-songs, Choice Conundrums,
Sparkling Repartees, etc." found the nine
dressed alike in the black coat and trousers,
white waistooat, very large shirt.frOnt very
large shirt-oollar, and very large white tie
and wristbands, which constitute the dress of
the mass OF the African race, and which has
been Observed by travellers to prevail overRvast
number OF degrees of latitude. All the nine
rolled their eyes exceedingly, and had very
red lips. AT the extTemities of the curve they
formed seated in their chairs were the per-
formers on the Tambourine and Bones. The
centre Momus, a black of melancholy aspect
(who inspired me with vague uneasiress for
which / could not then aCoount), performed
on Mississippi instrument closely resembling
what was once called in this Island hurdy-
guIdy. The Momuses on either side of him
had each another instrument peculiar to the
Father of Waters, which may be lilzened to
q stripged weather-glass held upside down.
There were likewise a little flute and a
violin. All went we'll for a while, and we
had had several sparkling repartees ex-
changed between the performers on the tam
bourne and bones, when the black of me-
lancholy aspect, turning to the latter, and
addressing him in a deep and improving
voice as "Bones, SIR" delivered certain grave
remarks to him concerning the Juveniles pre-
sent, and the season of the year; whereon
perceived that / was in the presence OF Mr..
Barlow-corked
Another night-and this was in London-I
attended the representation of a little comedy.
AS the characters were life-like (and conse-
quently not improving), and as they went
upon their several ways and designs without
personally addressing themselves to me- l felt
rather confident of coming through it without
being regarded as Tommy; the more SO, as we
were clearly getting close to the end. But
deceived myself. All of sudden, and apropos
of nothing, everybody concerned came to a
check and halt, advanced to the footlights in
general rally to take dead aim at me, and
brought me down with moral homily, in
which | detected the dread hand of Barlow.
Nay, so intricate and subtle are the tolls of
| this hunter, that on the very next night after
that, was again entrapped, where no vestige
of syringe could have been apprehended by
| the timidest. II was a burlesque that | saw
| performed; an uncompromisiDg burlesque,
where everybody concerned, but especially the
ladies', carried on at q very considerable rate
indeed. Most prominent and active among
| the corps Of performers was what took to be
(and she really gave me very fair oppertuni-
ties of coming to right conclusion) young
lady, of a pretty figure. She was dressed as
| picturesque young gentleman, whose panta-
looms had been cut OF In their infancy, and
she had very neat knees, and very neat satin
boots. Immediately after singing slang song
| and dancing a slang dance, this engaging
| figure approached d the fatal lamps, and, bend
| ing over them, delivered in thrilling voice
random EulOgium on, and Elaboration to
| pursue, the Virtues. "Great Heaven" was
| my exclamation. "Barlow ~
| There is still another aspect in which Mr..
| Barlow perpetually insists upon my sustain
ing the character Of Tommy, which is more
uncomfortable yet, on account Of its extreme
| aggressiveness. For the purposes OF a re-
viewer or newspaper he will get up an ab-
struse subject with infinite pains, will Barlow,
utterly regardless OF the price Of midnight oil,
and indeed Of everything else, save eramming
himself to the eyes.
But mark. When Mr.. Barlow blows his
information off he is not contented with hav-
| ing rammed it home and discharged it upon
me, Tommy, his target, but he pretends that
he was always in possession Of it, and made
nothing of it--that he imbibed it with his
mothers milk-and that l, the wretched
Tommy, am most abjectly behindhana in not
having done the same. l ask, why is Tommy
to be always the foil of Mr.. Barlow to this
extent What MIR. Barlow had not the
slightest notion of himself, week ago, 1t
surely cannot be any very heavy baoksliding
in me not to have at my fpger's end to-day
And yet MIR. Barlow systematically carries II
over me with high hand, and will tauntingly
ask me in his articles whether it is possible
that | am not aware that every sohoolboy
knows that the fourteenth turning on the left
in the steppes of Russia will conduct to such
and such wandering tribe' With other dis
paragiDg questions OF like nature. So, when
dr. Barlow addresses letter to any journal
as volunteer correspondent (Which fire.
quently find him doing), he will previously
have gotten somebody to tell him some tre'
mendOus technicality and will write in the
| coolest manner-"Now, Sir, / may assume
That every reader Of your columns, possessing
average information and intelligence, knows
as we'll ss / do that''-say that the draught
| from the touCh-hole of cannon of such cali
bre bears such proportion in the incest frRe
tiOns to the draught from the mu2zle, or some
equally familiar little fact. But whatever It is
be certain that il always tends to the exalta
tion OF Mr., Barlow, and the depression of hii
enforced and enslaVed pupil.
MIR. Barlow's knowledge OF my own pur
suits find to be so profound, that my OWL
knowledge of them becomes as nothing. Mr.
Barlow disguised and bearing feigned name
but detected by me) has occasionally taugh
me; In sonorous voice from end to end OF
long diDner-table, tribes that took the liberty