Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-02-23
The Old Increment.

A warm frend-A hot stove.
Legal tender-The lawyers sweetheart.
Chidren-Small issues Of legal tender
Fond of mistortune-The lovers Of Burns.
A legal tender act-Offering lady your
heart.
A woman pride and the sailors guide-the
needle
Of what poet does the pleurisy remind you I?
Akenside.
Grecan architecture-the Stops that Ia
dies use at present.
"Curbstone Committees young men stand
ing on street corners.
Why is billiards difficult game to learn?
Because ii is GLORIOUS game.
Shirts are great navigators, as they generally
cross the line and back at least once a week
''You be darned !" as the stocking said to the
hole. Il can heal YOU said the yarn in toto
A culprit in New York pleaded intoxication
as an excuse for bigamy-a singular instance of
seeing double.
Somebody thinks that there are a great many
facts worth men shun-ing, and We agree with
that individual.
What is the difference between the outer wall
of bridge and TWO nice young ladies? The
one is parapet, and the other is pair o pets,
Of course.
Jim, if I should cut your throat in the pas
sage leading to rear house. would Mt it be a
painful reaiLy?' No, sir; it would be mere
Il an alley CORY
L Holo
RADIO, recently shot an individual, who, he says,
unfortunately popped his head round corner
and struck the bullet.
As an old woman lately was walking through
one Of the streets Of Montreal at midnight, q
patrol called out, who's there = 1T is l.,
PATROL said she; don't be afraid. y
We would hint to the big eagle which carried
of the little boy 10 Tennessee, that there are in
our streets good many rascally little black
guards that he may have for the taking.
A Wisconsin veteran with but one leg, lately
fell head foremost down well and broke, not
his neck abut bis remaining leg, leaving" says
a lively Western paper, ''the poor fellows chill
dren orphans as far as paternal legs are con-
cerned.
A New Hampshire man told q story about a
flock of crows three miles long, and SO thick
that you could not see the sun through it
Don't believe It, was the reply. WALL .
said the narrator, you re a stranger, and L
don't want to quarrel with you. So, to please
you, I'll take off a quarter Of mile from the
thinnest part.
"What can give you for a keepsake, my
dearest sweet Wiiliam?" sobbed out a senti
mental girl to ulora practical lover about to
ship as heimsRan Of Poughkeepsie sloop.-
40:
fully. "Herl-why-a "a a-you We not got
such a thing as five dollar note, / suppose,
about you, have you?' 'Oh, William"
An OK cart filed with women and children
passed through here last Wednesday evening.
Two men and bull calf were pulling the cart ;
the bull in the middle, and a man fastened to
each end OF the long single tree. In answer to
where they were from, the men said that ''h-l
was to pay In West Virginia, and they we're
moving East to look after a home. Every
body-bull and all--Was pulling his level best.
Old Billy W, of Fluvanna county, was dy>
ing he was an ignorant man and very wick
ed one DIR. D., an excellent physician and a
very pious man, was attending him. The old
fellow asked for bread the doctor approached
the bedside, and in a very solemn tone, remark
cd, My dear fellow, man cannot live by bread
alone" mo. said the old fellow, sorter re-
vivng, hes 'beeged to have a few wegeta-
bles The subject was dropped.
We love to sec the blooming rose in all Its
beauty dressed; we love to hear our friends dis
close the emotion Of the breast. We love to
see the cars arrive, well laden, at our door we
love to see our neighb0rs thrive, and love to
bless the DOOR We love to see domestic life s
uninterrupted joys; We love to see happy wife
with lots Of girls and boys We love all these,
yet far above all hat we ever said, we love
what every printer l0veS-to have subscri ption
paid
How He Whipped Him.
Two boys had been fighting One of the
. boys was relating how the thing had occurred
Said he il tell you how she was You see
Bill and me Wen; down to the wharf to fish,
but We didn't catch any; got one bite, and
Bill told ME to scratch, but l didn't Well, [
felt in my pockel and found my knife. and it
was gone; aud [ said, Bill you stole my knife,
and be said | was another; and [ said go there
yourself; and he said it was no such thing and
[ said he was liar, and could whip him if
was bigger him: and he said he d rock me to
sleep, mother; and [ said he was bigger one :;
and he said [ never had the measles and [
said for him TO fork over that knife; and he
said he coudn see the fork and | said I'd
fix him for a tombstone at Laurel Hill and he
said my grandmother was no gentleman; and
said he darent take it up; but he did, you
bet; you neger-we you never did then I
got up again. and said he was too much afraid
to do it again; and he tried to, but didn't; and
[ grabbed him and throwed him down on top
of me Ike several bricks; and tell you it beat
all-and so did he; and my little dog got be
hind Bill and bit him and Bill kicked at the
dog, and the dog ran. and | ran after the dog
TO fetch him back and didn' catch him till
[ got clear home and I'll whip him more yet
Is my eye very black"