The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1869-11-19
Iowa PLAIN DEALER.
The Josh billings Papers.
The Distrikt skoolm Il ster.

There IL one man in this basement
world that | alwus lock upon with
mkt pheelings ov pity and respect.
Pity and respect az general mix
tur, don't mix well.
You. will End them both travelin
around amung folks, but not often
growing on tho same bush.
When they do hug each other hhey
mean Sumthng.
Pity, without respeckt, hain't got
muclfnorc oats in it than disgust has.
l had rather a man would hit me
on tile side osthe he'd than tew pity
me. i2tT} - -.....
But thare IL enc man in this world
whom l .alwus take oph mi hat and
remain uncovered until he gifts safely
bi, and that Il the distrikt scko olmas-
ter. .GEt 1855.
When I msct him l look upon him
az asmaxtyr, just returned from the
stake, OF on hiz way there to be cooked
He leads more loncsum aud single
life than an old bachlor, and a more
anssus one than an old maid. 49,.
Hc IS remembered just about az
long and nffectionatcly az Il ride bord
il bya.traxclng pcddlcr.
II he undertakes to make his skol-
lars luv him, the chances are he will
ncgitkt their farming and ef he don't
lick them now and then pretty often,
they will soon lick him.
The distrikt skoolmaster ban't cot
friend on the fat side ov the earth.
The boys SNOWFALL him during recess,
the girlssput water in biz hair die;
and thc,school committee make him
work for haT tho money bartender
gits, sand board him around the
nabahood, whercthey Civ him rhy
coffee swcetened with molassees
tcw drink, and kodlish bawls 8 times
day for vittles.
Md, with all this abuse, Inevcr
heard aistrikt koolmastcr swearing
anything louder than Condc,an it.
Don't talk tcw mo about the pa
shuncc ov anshunt Job. Job had
pretty plenty of biles all over him,
no doubt, but they were all ov one
breed.
Every young one in a distrikt
skool liza bile of a different breed,
and each one needs different kline
ov Pou1tiss to get good head on
them.
A distrikt skoolmas:cr, who duz
square job and takes hiz kodfsh
bawls reyercntly, liz better man to-
day tcw have Icing around loose
than Solomon would arrayed in all
ov his glory. Co.,.
Solomon was better at writing
proverbs and managing large family
than he would be tcw navigate a
distrikt skoolhouse.
Emmy man who has kept distrik:
skool for ten years, and boarded
around the naberhood, ought tcw be a
major general ana hava penshun
for the rest ov hiz natral days, and
horse and wagon tew do his going
arnilnd in. ..ss
But, as general consequence
distrikt skool master hain't got any
more warm friends than an old blind
fox hound haz.
lie IL jist about az wclkum az a
tax gatherer IL.
lie IL rcspektel a good deal az
man IL who we owe debt or fifty
dollars to. and don't mean tew pay.
He gees through life on back road
AZ poor az a wood she'd, and finally is
missed-but whatever bckums of hiz
remains, l kan t tell. -.
Fortunately, he il not often scns:-
tive man; il he waz, he couldn't emmy
more keep a distrikt skool than he
could file kross-kut saw.
,Why hit that these men and VIM
men; sRJfA pashuutly ana with crazed
brain teach CTR rcmorseless brats the
tejus meaning Of the alphabet, who
taks thcsfust Welding heat on their
destinys,, wkoiay the stepping sto res
and ,enkurrage then teu mount up.
wards,, WHO hay dun more hard and
mean, work .thau, any klass Oh the
footstool, who have prayed over the
reprobate. strengthened the timid,
restrained the outrageous and aatter-
ed the imhecile, who have lived on
kodfsh and vile coffee, and han't been
heard .tQ. syare-why. is it that they
asS <reAtedAlikc a..sagrant fiddler.
darceca to for night, paid oph in
the morning, and cagcry forgotten?
l had rather burn coal pit,
or keep ys' out ov butchers shop
IL IlaA lh6ath oy August, 4 han NEEDLE
with district skonl Lixzinncs