Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1869-03-18
Amusing.

1.-THE Diet of Worms'-Man
% What is the best thing out? An ach-
ing tooth. r
Can bare assertion be called naked
truth?
A dog fight is the only event at which
real cur-age is manifested.
What part did the Sphinx take in an
cient warfare? 1t riddled the enemy.
A good suggestion is like crying baby
in eoncert-it ought to be Garfield out.
If man is murdered by his work.
men, should the coroner render a ver-
dict of "killed by his own hands,
However well young ladies may be
yersed in grammar, there are but very
few who can decline" matrimony.
Tie Court Of Common Pleas in 'o'ss'
WOmen's rights are most confessed
When they are uncommon pleasin'.
Why is a son who objects TO his moth
er's second marriage like an exhausted
pedestrian Because he can't go a step
father.
Judy says the man who is awfully
b.
generally also her bdne behind their
backs.
Josh Billings suggests that Andrew
Johnson should lose no time in getting
insured-his ''policy" having nearly run
out.
'Sambo, where's your mastersn
"G one out" HAS he left of drinking
yet ?" "Oh, yes, he leave off two. three
times this morning. ,...'1r -
An amorous swain declares he Is so
fond of his sweetheart that he has rub
bed all the skin Off his nose by kissing
her shadow on the wall. A hopeless
case, that.
A richly dressed lady stopped a boy
trudging along with q basket, and asked,
MY little boy, have you got religion?'
mo, ma'am," said the innocent, "I've
got potatoes. a-t
Mark Twain says Horace Greeley once
tried to make q living as a writing mas
ter, and failed. His copy was, Virtue
Is its own reward" and the scholars got
it,"Washing with soapis wholly absurd
An editor in the Western part of
Maine says that the only reason why
his house was not blown away during
recent gale, was-because there was a
heavy mortgage upon IL.
Clyde. Ohio, has what is called a
"knitting-machine.n A crowd of ladies
walk into q drinking-saloon, take pos
session of the seats, and quietly settle
down at knitting. This stops the Gus
tomary business of the place. tEi
A gentleman who owns country seat
nearly lost his wife, who fell into a
river which flows through his estate
He announced the narrow escape to his
friends, expecting their congratulations.
One of them, an old bachelor, wrote
81 always told you that river was too
shallow" -
LAWYERS NEAREST THE FIRE.-Du-
ring the sitting Of a court in Connecti-
cut not long ago, on very cold evening,
a crowd Of lawyers had collected round
the open fire that blazed cheerfully on
the hearth in the bar room, when a
traveller entered, benumbed with cold
but ne one moved to give him room to
warm his shins, so he leaned against the
wall in the back part of the room.
Presentlya a smart young limb of the
law addressed him, and the following
dialogue took place: --N
"You look like traveller"
wall, I suppose am; come all the
way from Wisconsin foot, at any yrate.n
From Wisconsin? What q distance
to come on pair of legs!"
wall, done it ennyhow."
"Did you ever pass through hell in
any Of your travels ?'
"Yes, sir; have been through the
out skirts"
81 thought likely. Well, what are
the manners and customs there? Some
Of US would like to know"
"Oh you will find them much the |
same as in this place. The lawyers all |
sit nearest the fire "