The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-10-29
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ton the Wings and legs. &
- Laying down the law-Flooring
counsellor.
- money is very tight said thief
who was trying to break open bank
vault.
An exchange has an advertise
ment for servant who is plain cook
able to dress little boy five years old
- Have you ever been baptized,
MichaelY NO, sir not as knows on,
bit I've been waxinated.'
- When Patrick ate. peaches, he
said he liked the flavor, but the seeds
lay hard on his stomach.
"A piece of work no printer ever
vet turned up his nose at-the proof of
the pudding. 49,
- Conundrum for mariners-
Would pigs be in their element in the
trough of the sea? 1862
- II brevity is the soul OF wit what
great amount of fun there is in the
tail of fashionable coat! s9t
- If a weman wanted to buy ont a
cigar store would she be likely to find
any "to-back- or" in Il?
"Sally," said lover to his in
tended. ''give us a kiss, will your"
mo, shan't, said Sally; "help your
self"
- tAin'. it wicked to rob this hem
roost, Jim?' sAh. Bob, that's a great
moral question. Hand down t'other
pul!et.'
Mamma! mamma y beloved
the angel of the household from the top
of the stairs, 'l'm mad, and Hannah
won't pacify me-
- a sailor, recently landed, seeing
little lady with large muf, politely
offered to carry it for her as he was
going the same way.
- Why are all washerwomen great
travellers? Because they are continu-
ally crossing the line and running from
pole to pole. g.-f
Don't trouble yourself to stretch
yonr mouth any wider, said a dentist
TO his patient; Il intend to stand out
aide to draw your TOOTH = efo
- Ifyou want your neighbors to
"know all about you" giyo party and
don't invite the folks "who live next
door,"
- Here is literal translation of a
pork butchers sign in a French pro-
vincial city : "Batta, junior; slsugh-
tiers hogs like his father"
- What is the difference between
editorial and matrimonial experience?
In the former the devil cries tor copy
In the latter the copy cries like the
devil.
- Low necked shirts are pronounce
ed the latest style for nice young
men. just imagine sweet youth with
his hair parted in the middle, n brass
headed cane-and 4 low-necked shirt.
- A local poet indicted sonnet to
his mistress entitled, Il kissed her sub
rosa The compositOr knew better
than that and set it up in printers
Latin, Il kissed her Stub nosa.'
-'C-c-can that p-p-pup parrot t.
ter-talk? asked suffering man of "a
German. Suppose he no can talk SO
moche better as that you talk, chop
he teuced head OIL was the reply.
An Grishman is never ut peace
but when he is fighting; Scotchman is
never at home but when he is abroad;
an Englishman never is happy but
when he is miserable.
- Two boys were sent to purchase
a watermelon, and as they were bring
Don't let IL fall, Billy, 'cos lift breaks
We'll have to eat it right here, aud
can't take any home.' Billy guessed it
wouldn't fall-but it did.
Excuse this bit of sarcasm said
Smith to Jones, but | must say that
you are ali infamous liar and scoun-
drCl.' Pardon this bit of irony said
Jones to Smith, as he knocked hln
over with poker.
- A misc. who felt sighted at hav-
ing received no invitation, to a
neighbors's funeral, on meeting
daughter of the deceased soon after
said to her: I'VE shall probable have
funeral at our house one of these day S
and you may rest assured you won't be
Invited
-. An old lady, possessed of a fine
fortune and noted tor her penchant
for the use of tigurative expressions,
one day assembled her grand children,
when the conversation took place.
''My Children" said the old lady, 81
am the root and you are the branches"
"Grandma," says one.
''What my child?"
M"I was thinking how much better the
branches wonld flourish il the root WAS
under the ground"
"A gentleman, on hearing a lady
praise the eyes of certain minister,
wrote the following:
can not praise the doctors eyes,
h / never saw his glance divine;
For when he prays he shuts his eyes,
And when he breaches he shuts mine.
- "Billy" Hibbard, the circuit
Methodist was apt to be pugna,:ious in
the pulpit. 1t was well nigh impossi-
bic for I'm to say Amen HEtil he lad
given the five points Of Calvinism |
Rap. Once after he had been thus free
ing his mind, good Presbyterian
friend who had been listening said,
Brother Hubbard, you hurt my Feelings
by what you said about so and So Oh
am sorry you took that; aimed that
at the devil, and you stepped IN and
took the blow instead. Don't get be-
tween me and the devil, brother, and
you wont get hurt &!
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