The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-06-12
Jhe Albang 3e9]ster.
SATURDAY, JUNE Il, 1869
Rich and Racy.
INSTRUCTIONS IN THE ART OF PRO
POSING.

appearing girl waa brought .'up" yester-
day, in company with young man who
looked vastly ashamed of himself. and
had the expression of lone who wants to
20 home The charge against Julia and
Percy was an ugly one. The officer stat
el that he had seen Percy enter her
room, had waited patiently with his ear
at the door till he heard kiss, and
then, breaking it open, had found him
with his arm around her neck.
The officer was praised for his vigi-
lance III the detection OF contraband kisses,
that seaucingly dangerous article aud,
will, doubtless, arrest the next young
man he. sees blowing at Pocahontas at
the door or cigar shop.
The Justice looked at Miss Julia
through his spectacles, and it seemed
as if his hard judicial glances underwent
some chemical change as they passed
through the glass-became polarized, if
you please-and suggested to her the
propriety Of explaining her conduct-not
that it would make any difference, but
then it was wei to follow the way Of the
world.
Miss julia then proceeded TO inform
/ his Honor that short time before she
had been left motherless, was thrown up
on her own resources. She had no hus-
bard aud saw the way to none. She did
not like to sew she did not want to
spoil her hands with hard work; for
hand once enlarged is not susceptible of
reduction A large hand was a bad
habit which one could not easily set rid
Of But her wis were good, and by
them she proposed to live, and if possible
transmute the vagrant humors Of her
brain into cakes and clothes. After
thinking temporarily expensive pro-
cess since it led to the pawnins of some of
her clothes-sae came to determination.
She reasoned that whatever men might
be when associated with one another, they
were frequently great fools when brought
in contact with women Yet she did
not believe that this folly was ingram,
but that it was for lack of knowing
better. Then she went step further,
and assumed that these men would like
to know better, and were foolish only for
lack of one to teach them otherwise.
She had the wisdom they needed, and
they the money she needed-why should
there not be an exchange?
The work was noble one, for he or
she who uproots folly is nobler than he
or she who destroys thousand Canada
thistles.
To make known her Intentions she felt
that she mus. advertise. So this young
alchemist turned couple of skirts and
some other trife into a dollar, procured
handkcrchief's worth of paper, and
thus advertised, stating that a young
lady OF polished address, reduced circum-
stances, and former social advantages, de-
sired to give lessons in etiquette and the
way of conyersing with ladies, to any
Young gentleman who did not feel at ease
in the society of the opposite sex. Tui-
ton to lovers extra.
The advertisement was a success. She
saw youg men who were at lack for
feminine topics, ignorant of the nice con-
duet of the hands and the proper place of
the feet She had made money, and,
waxed fat with prosperity, had cut her
old friends, the pawnbrokers, after re-
turning their little visiting cards. There
was redemption.
One day Percy came along. He stat
ed he was courting West Side maiden,
and that unhappily he did not get on
fast as he desired. He was still miles
from proposal. He knew she expected
it, and he knew he wanted to do it
But he could not. He had walked te
the house, repeating to himself: civil
propose tonight; I will propose to
night" but after getting there he woule
find that man may propose to propose
but that God still disposes Hence tears
agony, hair-pulling, and the quotation o
select passages from approved tragi,
poets. Standing before mirror, he In
, formed himself that he was pigeon liver
ed and lacked gall, which was q relief
but not proposal. Thus he went t
julia for aid, and needy, who had none,
never applied to that disinterested younI
girl in vain.
She taught him the lore of proposal
P not the one by letter, fot that sho spurn
ed, "ike any girl Of spirit" She in
structed him the abrupt, the gradual, th
predatory, the fearful, the labial, tn
Cottage with love-" and the ''opera ant