The Plymouth Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1869-1941, 1869-09-30
by JOSH BILLINGS.

The hornet is inflamible bugger, sud-
den in his impreshuns and hasty in his
conclusion, or end.
His natral disposishen IL warm cross
between red pepper in the pod and fusil
oil, and hiz moral bias iz, "git out ov mi
way"
They hav long, black boldly, divided
in the middle by waist spot, but their
phisikal importance lays at the terminus
of their suburb, in the shape of a javelin.
I This javeln liz alwuz loaded, and stands
reddy to unload at a minuits warning, and
enters man az still az thought az spry az
litening, and az full Oy melancholy az the
tOOthake
Hornets never argy case; they settle
awl ov their differences Ov Opinyun by let
ting their javelin fly, and are az certain to
hit 2 S a mule liz.
This testy kritter lives in congregations
numbering about one hundred souls, but
whether they are male or female, or con-
Scrvative, or matched in bonds Ov we'd
lock, or whether they are Mormons, and
good many Ov them king together and
keep one husband to save expense, don't
kno nor don't kare
/ never hav examined their habits
much, never kOnsidcred it healthy.
Hornets bilj their nest wherever they
take q nOShun to, and seldom are dis
turbed, for what would it profit man to
kill 90 hornets and hav the one hundredth
one hit him with hiz iavelins
They bid their nests Ov paper, without
emmy windows to them or back doors.
They hav but one place ov admission, and
the nest iZ the shape Ov an OvergrOwn
pineapple, and IL cut up into just as menny
bedrooms as their liz hornets.
1t iZ very simple to make hornets nest
if you kan, but will wager emmy man 3O0
dollars he kant bid one that he could sell
to hornet for half price.
Hornets are az biZZy as their second
couzzins, the bee, but what they are about
the Lord only knows; they don't lay up
emmy honey, nor emmy money they seem
to be bizzy only iist for the sake ov work.
ing all the time; they are alwus in az
much ov hurry az tho they waz going
| for dokter. 1n.- nl so
/ suppose this uneasy world would grind
around on its axle-tree onst in "a hours
even ef there want emmy hornets, but hOr
nets must be good for sumthing, but l CAM
think now what it iZ.
! Thare haint been bug made yet ir
vain, nor one that want good job, thart
liz ever lots ov human men lOafing around
blacksmith shops, and cider mills, all Ovcl
the country, that don't seem to be neces
sary for anything but to beg plug tobacco
and swear, and steal water-melons, bu
yu let the cholera break out once, an,
then yu will see the wisdom of havin.
jist sich men laying around; they hell
count
Mex tew the cockroach, who stands tev
the head the hornet haz got the mos
waste stummuk, i'm reference tew the res
ov his body, than emmy ov the insec pOpu
lashun, and here iz another mystery
what on 'arth duz hornet want SO mutcl
reserved corps for?
have jist thOught-tew carry hiz iave
lin in; thus yu see, the more we diskovc
about things the more we are apt to know
1t IL always good purchase tew pa,
out our last surviving dollar for wisdun
and wisdum is like the MYSTERIOUS hen
egg, it amt laid i'm yure hand, but liz lai
away under the barn, and yu have got tey
sarch for it,
The hornet liz an unshoshal kuss, he j
more naughty than he IL proud, he liz
thoroughbred bug, but his breeding an
refinement has made him like sum othe
folk kno Ov, dissatisfied with himself an
every boldly else, too much good breedin
ackts this way sometimes. nl ffn
Hornets are long -lived--I kant state lis
how long their lives are, but know frol
instinkt aud 0bservashun that emmy krtte
he he bug or be he devil, who liz mad n
the Time and Sings every good chance h
kan git, generally eutlives all his n.ber
The only good way to git at the .cxa,
fiteing weight ov the hornet is tew tutc
him, let him hit you once with his javeliI
J and you will be willing to testify in coul