The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1869-09-27
JOSH BILLINGS PAPERs.
The Hornet.

Hiz natral disposishen IL warm
cross between red pepper in the pod
aud fusii oil and hiz moral bias IL
git out OY nj way"
They hay a long, black body, di-
vided 10 the midle by waist spot,
but their phisikal importance lays at
the terminus of their suburb, in the
shape on javelin.
This javelin -iz alWuz loaded, and
stands reddy to unload at minuit's
warning, and enter a man az still az
thought, az spTy az litening, and az
melancholy az the toothake.
Hornets never argy a case; they
settle aWl ov their differences oy
opinyun by letting their javelin fly,
and are az certain to hit az a
mule liz.
This testy kritter lives in congre-
cations numbering about one hundred
souls, but whether they are male or
female, or conservative, or matched
In bonds ov wedlock, or whether they
are MormOns, and a good many Of
them king together and keep one
husband to save expense, L don't kno
nor don't kare.
/ never hav examined their habits
much; | never considered it healthy.
Hornets bid their nests wherever
they take a noshun to, and seldom
are disturbed, for what would it profit
a man teW kill 80 hornets and have
y the oae 5undredth one hit him with
hiz jayelin?
They bid their nests ov paper,
without windows to them, or back
doors. They hav but one place ov
admission, and the nest IL the shape
ov an overgroWn pineapple, and il
cut up into just as menny bedrooms
IS their IL hornets
1t liz very simple to make hornets
nest III you kan, but | will wager any
man 300 dollars he kant bid one
that he could sell to hornet for
half price.
Hornets are az bizzy as their Sec
Ond couzzins, the bee, but what they
are about the Lord only knows; they
don't lay up emmy hunny. nor emmy
money; they seem to be bizzy only
jist for the sake ov working all the
time; they are alwus in as mulch
of hurry as tho they waz going for
dokter.
1 suppose this uneazy world
would grind around on its axle-tree
in 81 hours, even eff thare want emmy
hornets, but hornets must be good
for sumthiDg, but l can't think now
what it il.
Thare haint been bug made yet
in vain, nor one that want a good
job; thare liz lots ov human men
loafug around blacksmith shops, and
cider mills, all over the country, that
don't seem to be necessary for any
thing butte beg plug tobacco and
swear, and steal watermelons, but yu
let the cholera break out once, and
Ehen yu will see the wisdom of having
ilst SIGH men laying around; they help
count.
Next tew the cockroach, who
stands teW the head, the hornet haz
got the most waste stummuk, in ref
erence to the rest OV hiz boldly, than
emmy ov the insek populashun, and
earth IL another mystery; what on
served corps for?
[ hav list thought-tew carry hiz
javelin in, thus yu see. the more we
diskover about things the more we
are apt TO know.
liz always a good purchase tew
pay out our last surviving dollar for
wisdum, and wisdum IL like the mis-
terious hens egg, 1t amt laid IN yure
hand, but IL laid away under the barn,
and yu hav teW search for IT.
The hornet IL an unsh hall kus5,
he IL more naughty than he IL proud,
heiza thorough bred bug, but his
breeding aud refinement has made
him like sum other folk kno ov,
dissatisfied with himself and every
boldly else, too much good breeding
acks this way sometimes.
Hornets are long hved-I kant
state list how long their lives are, but
know from instinkt aud observa-
shun that any kritter, be he bug or
be he devil, who IL mad all the time,
and stings every good chance he kan
git, generally outlIves all his nabers.
The only way tew git at the exact
f,eing weight ov the hornet IL tew
tuteh him, let him hit you once with
his javelin, and you will be willing
to testify IN court that sumboddy run
a one-tined pitchfork Into YER and
az for grit, will state for the lnlor-
nation ov those who haven't had
chance tew lay in their vermln Wis
dum az freely az | hay, that one
single hornet, who feels we'll, vii
brake up large camp meeting.
What the hornets do for amuze
ment il another question l kant an
swer but sum oy the best read, anC
heaviest thinkers amung the natural
lists say they have target exc. urslons
and heave their javellns at a marx
butt don't imbibe this assershun raw
for never knu emmy body, so bite
at heart as the hornets are TO vast
q blow.
Thare is one thing that horne
duz that will give him credit for O.
my books-he alwus attends tew hi
own Dizziness, and wont allow an
boldly else to attend tew it, and wha
he duz IL alwuz a good job, you neve
see them altering emmy thing, 1t the
make emmy mistakes 1t is after DARK
and amt seen.
If the hornets made half az MEM
blunders az the men do, even wit
their iaveIins, everybody would la
at them.
Hornets are clear in another wa
thew hav found out bi trieing it, tn
all they kan git in this world, an
brap on IL their vittles aud clothe
and vu never see one standing at q
corner oy a street, with twenty-s
inch face on, bekause sum bank Al
rua oph, and took their money WI
him. -,
In ending oph this essa, l will Gu
tew stop, by concluding that
hornets was little more Penslye, a
not 80 darned peremptory with tn
iavelius, they might be guilty OF i
wisdum, but more charity.
But w kant alter bug natqr, VII
out splicing it for emmy thing, ell
emmy more than you kan an elephan
eRg.-N. y. Weekly.