The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1869-04-28


aware of the real state Of things.
such proceedings as these should be con.
oemned, II for no other reason for their short
sightedness, inasmuoh as the 70 wk, who in
the nature of things must, in the first instance.
be OF ooDfdipg and easy nature, will or sba.
bly,, soured by his bitter experience, become
suspicious and ohuIltsh, and strongly averse
to running of errands, and to putting himself
ont of the way to obige his neigbbor.
Too much care cannot be en- ployed in the
selection of fool, or gowk, as it coca sion ally
happens that immediate and painful physical
vepgence is wreaked upon the iucsutious
Joker. For instance, when you meet Jehu
rafting along, big with conscious pride at the
peatness OF his equipage, and salute him With
''Hi sir, your Wheel" IL is we'll, when the
unconscious butt pulls up abruptly, with the
startled cry, "EhY whatf What's the matter
with my wheelS"-it is well, say, to remem-
Der, before completing your Jest, that out
from whip-lash is not pleasant, and can be
administered occasionally from very unex-
pected distances. London street boys have a
fine appreciation of this prudent policy. They
fly from before the fool without even waiting
to observe the effect they have produced. 1t
is true that, under these oircu umstanoes, the
veg loses half the pleasure of his Joke; but
discretion is, no doubt, in these matters the
better part of valor, and critical contem plation
cannot always be enjoyed with impunity. But
1t is, at all times, sufficient satisfaction to the
London street boy to know that he has sue
ceeded in making himself thoroughly disa-
greeable and obnoxious.
How aggravatipg he can be, he himself is
scarcely able to appreciate. He wants the
finer sense to know how painful is the posi-
tion Of an April Fool, especially II proclaimed
to be so publicly. And painful and degraded
position II is. For what can you do? No
man really likes joke at his own expense,
ouor ,xuha havlt hor fn ha vnnAN h,rk
to be taken in by some stale old first-of- April
street-slang, is exasperating to the last de-
gree. You are sold. The hoaxer is off with
an exulting chuckle, and an exulting whoop
of triumph, down the next street; you look
hastily round to see if your discontinue has
been noted by the public, and are gratifed to
observe that q sweep, bricklayer, q shoe
in ecstacies of appreciation, while even the
policeman who is sauntering by allows the
muscles of his face to relax from their official
sternness, and treats himself to a smile at
your expense. You feel as if for the rest of
the day you would be marked man, with
| April Fool inscribed in legible characters upon
| you. But there is absolutely nothing what
ever to be done. No consciousness OF intel
lectual superiority, no moral contempt for the
| grinnipg vulgar, will avail you in this strait.
You have been made an April Fool. Sheepsh
you feel; sheepish you needs must look. II
it so happen that the offending boy is not
quick enough in making good his retreat, and
il, hsply, you are befriended by fortune to
the extent of being able to avenge your
wrongs by good bang with your umbrella,
then, and only then, you will have the best
of 1t, and may go on your way rejoicing and
with deliberate step. In the other event 1t is
better to conceal your modification with the
best imitation of a smile you can muster, and
to make off as fast as possible. 1t makes so
tIn-S SI..I
your side or no.
| No one but the genuine Londoner can know
how intensely and cruelty sggravating the
London boy can be; and | feel sure that the
artist who drew an April fool cut which ap-
pearedin Punch some years back (to the best
of my recollection it was Mr.. TennieD, must
have seen in London streets the incident he
illustrated. A gentleman, adorned with nous.
taches, OF unnatural symmetry-moustache
by the way, were not so universal then as
nov--is walking with a charming young lady,
presumably the girl Of his heart. A terrible
boy accosts him with, "Hi captain There's
one of your moustaohes dropped Off" The
nervous raising of the hand to the lip pro
duced by the terrible consciousness OF the
reality of the danger, is followed by the fata
"Yah lSApril fool ~ The young lady's sus
picions are evidently excited, and 1t is difficult
to imagine more painfully embarrassing situ
alton than that OF the unwilling hero of the
scene. This hoax, although not exactly cor
responding to the canons laid down in the ear
lier portion Of this treatise, is, nevertheless
in its way, a very perfect specimen.
II ia just as we'll not to attempt to make
April Fools of those in authority; it is advi
sable, indeed, to avoid any appearance of suct
an attempt. This truth must, after time
have become sufficiently plain to the French
lady of whom a well-known April Foo
story is told. This parsonage. who, 1t mus
be confessed, appears to have been no bette
than she should have been, was accused o
stealing a watch, and stoutly denied the
charge. In especial she was very positive il
her statements that the watch could in NJ
way be found at her lodgings, and earnest II
her request that some one might be sent Il
search them. The magistrate, ungallant
enough to doubt this assertion, despatched
after some hesitation, an officer Il
search accordingly. The precautton wa
presently justified by the return o
the messenger bearing the missing property
This was an awkward situation; but, the lad,
nothing daunted, and remembering that tn
day was the FIRST of April, burst into we'll
. feigned fit OF laughter, and, loudly proclaim
ing the excellence OF the joke, derided the tip
staff and magistrate as veritable poisson
d'Auril. The magistrate, however, who wa
evidently prosaic sort of person, did not ss
it, and intimatiDg that all was fish that cam
3 to his net, sent the unlucky joker to ja
| until the next fret Of April, to mediate o
the obtuseness OF officials, and the advisabilit
4 OF suitipg your jokes to your company.
SO long. lived are customs attache
to particular days, that it is YER
, probable that April Fools, togethe
Q with Guy Fawkes and Jack in the Green wi
( survive through many generations, althoug
: the observances of the day may be more
l.G 4 kx,a atn1 atsn