The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-11-26
Ufit an6 9)utt,nr.


Profanity; Darning stockings.
"A Hand-to-Hand Affair-Mar-
riage.
- Sure way to stop woman's mouth;
Kiss it.
- The life preservers often used
on battle fields Legs.
= Carpets are bought by the yard
and worn by the foot.
- A terrible bore; the inside of a
hteen-lnch gun.
- The earliest Tubular Bridge
The bridge OF the nose.
- When is man Obliged TO keen
his word !-When no one will take it.
-. Now is the time for farmers To
mend their ways highways and bye
ways.
"A profanc lady told her daush-
Ter the other day that 'them stockings
were darned-nice.'
- The man who was laborine To
build up reputation suspended oper-
atoms for WANT of bricks.
- A Burlington paper thus closes
marriage notice: NO cards, no cake,
no western paper need copy.
- People who have ASTONISHING
memories have rarely anything else.
Ihey can recollect things that never
happened.
- A young lady who drew d gem
tleman's wrrpper at a recent Gift con-
cert in Waterbury. Conn, now wants
agentleman TO put into it.
- Josh Billings remarks: sLove
is sed to be blind, but | know lots
OF fellows in love who kan see twice as
much IN their gals as 1 Ean.'
- The difference between Love and
Law. In love the attachment prece,les
the declaration; in law the declaration
precedes the attachment.
-"This is capital ale," said an old
topper; see how long /. keeps its head =
.Ay,' said a bystander; but consider
how soon it takes away yours
- 'Cuffee, is that the second bell ?,
No, massa, dat's the secoud ringing
OBJ de fuss bel. We hadn't got no sec.
ond hell In dis hofel.'
a pretty girl said to wit, II
am very sad you see." lie replied,
.'Oh no; you belong to the other Jew
ish sect; you are very fair see."
I'll know by little what great
deal MEANS" rs the gander said when
he saw the tip of a fox's tail sticking
out OF hollow tree.
A Yankee paper says that an in
ventlve genius ia Minnesota has lust
got up stove which saves hree-fonrths
OF the wood, While the ashes it make
pays tor the remainder.
Gully said he would rather die
In railroad smash-up than steam
boat bust-up tor this reason: If Won
gets Oft and is smashed up, dar You is
but il you gets bowed up OH the boat,
WAR is you?
- The Chinese in California are
learning civilization. The other day
lot OF railroad laborcrs struck. throw
ing down tneir picks, and rolling on
the grass, crying, we sabee white
mans dodge
"A gentleman standing on the
street observed lady passing who was
gotten up regardless OF expense. and
turning to his friend said, sBy Jobe.
Charlie isn't she splendidly upholster-
ed y
= A gentleman, taking apartments
said to the landlady, i assure Won
madam, never left lodging but INV
landlady she'd tears Il hope it was
not, sir, because you went away with
out paying said the landlady.
- A lady had custom of saving
to tayorite little dog, to make hin
follow her, Come along sir.' A would
be-wit stepped up to her ole day, and
accosted her with, is it me madam,
you callcd?' oh no sir, said the lady
lit was another puppy spoke to-
- A lady thought 1t would be IN
teresting to faint away at Il party,
when one of the company began bath
ing her temples with vinegar, uton
which she Suddenly started up and ex-
claimed. For goodness sake. put
nothing on that will change the color |
OF my hair y
r. A teacher of one of our voSnp |
ladies schools, in endeavoring to in |
spite his pupils into study and its re- |
snltant proficiency urged them 10 stand |
BY their tasks like Il man. Some of |
the l9-erS We're heard To hispei that |
they would prefer TO stand by man. |
Human nature, like inarder, will out.
- The manager Of u country thea
tire, peering through the curtains be.
tween the acts, was surprised by a
glimpse of empty benches. why,
good gracious said he, turning to lie
prompter, where is the audlenoe!'
lie just stepped out to get mug OF
BEER was tue brief reply.
Gtt
'xnow all about it, says the cnly way
to prevent steamboat explosions is 10
make the engineers bile their water
on shore In her opinion All the bus
tin is done by coosIng the steam on
board the boat
- A certain justice was called to
the Jail TO llberatc a worthy debtor, by
receiving his oath that lie was not
" orth twenty dollars
We'll, Johnny, said the justice, 'can
you swear that sou are not worth
twenty dollars, and that you never
will be!'
why answered the other rather
chagrined at the question, Il can swear
that am not worth that at present.
We'll, well, returned the Justice, Il
can swear 10 the rest SO go along,
johnny Aad the man was discharg,
ed.
E,J. MILL. Err