The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-02-27
VARIOUS ITEMS.

VARIOUS ITEMS.
When is old cheese lise the American
dollar! When it i. all miety
TIN MAS-'Boy, what's that
hungry looking dog following me for ?"
INSULTING BoY.-"He thiuks you
are bone, | reckon.
Another English clcr.yman's daughter
has married her fathers coaenman. She
brings him $3.50 600.
Jone.-,hat must have been Brown
that passed. Wonder why he didn't
speak? O. l rem e,pber lent him Eve
shilinss the last time 1 saw him.
The beet toast of the season was, we
believe, given by typo short tine
since, viz 1: Woman-s:,e edition is large,
and no man should be without a copy"
Til. following is true copy Of a letter
received by "a schooima.ter:
Sur, as you are a man of noi-ssge, l
intend TO iu,er my son in your saul"
Two politicians Of Syracuse, bet on q
recent election, loaf OF bread >hich
contained half b.rr-l Of :our. Il ~a.
k..ad-d by the loser, and given to a
| .idos who also needed it.
\ club of h.npec.el husbands mee.
once week in an E.~tera city, that
m..sing b.in. their only day for erjny-
n-0t .nd rest When they adjourn tney
call it tAe rising CT the tied.
Squslid Beggar-Pr.y. sir. take pity
on miserable wretch. | have u wife
and six children.
Gently poor f.llo~, accept d,
heartfelt sympathy-so have l.
An eccentric clergyman lately said
in one of his sermons. taat ''ah~ut the
commone.t proof &c have that man is
made of clay, is the brick so oiten found
in hi. hat
Heller has new trick in he London
entertainment. lie cx,r cts yo.ns
lady sixteen years of a.-- from six hat
and exhibits her as the "vi:l Of the
period OF the Saturday Review.
Ose day, at firm house, a wag sa~
an old gobbler trying to eat the strings
Of some u. .ht caps th.t lag Oh the .ro-.pd
to bleach THAT, said he, ''is what 1
call Introducing cotton isto Tarsey."
whats the matter. Uncle Jerry ?"
said Mr.. -, as old jeremiah R
was passing by. gro~ling most ferociou-iy.
"Maiter.' SAID the old man, stopping
short; "why I've been Juggling water
all til. morning for DIR. C-'s viie to
wash with, and what dye spose got for
it,"
"Why, suppose about ten cents
"'Ten cents! She told me the Doctor
would pull tooth for me some time"
Josh Billings, in his advice to young
lady as to how she shall receive a pro-
posal, says: s'You ought tew take it kind,
| looking down hill with an expreshun
about half tickled and half scairt After
| the pop is over, if yure lover wants to
kiss yew, | don't think I would say yes,
or no, but let the thing kinder take its
| own course"
Old Fritz, who raised pigs and cabbage
in Napa county, California, appeared be-
fore Judge Il as witness.
ssW hat is your name?'
"Vell, [ calls myself Fred, but may be
sol don't know is Yawcup. You
see, Shudge, mine mudder she have two
| little poys; one of dem was me and one
vas my broder-or one vas my broder
and tudder was me, don't know vich;
and I vas shust so old as mine brudder
| vas young, or mine brudder vas shust so
old as me, | do.'t know vich, and mine
iuuuucT SHc oIu , anu uho VI uS Ndo
named Fred and de oder Yawcup, or one
named Yawcup and tudder Fred, don't
knew vich, and one of US got died-but
mine mudder she never could tell
wedder it vas me or mine brudder vot
died, SO Shudge. does not know wedder
| is Fred or Yawcup, and mine mudder
she don't"
Old DIR. A was a quack, and a
very ignorant one. On one occasion he
was called by mistake to attend cour-
Gil of physicians in critical case. After
considerable discussion the opinion was
expressed by one that the patient was
convalescent. When it came to DIR.
As turn to speak: "Convalescent =
said he; "why, that's nothing serious; I
have cured convalescence in twenty -four
hours"
The London Spectator calls Andrew
johnson ga rough on throne"
The distance from New York to San
Francisco by railroad is {, 3,430.