The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1869-09-29

Mark TWain's Editorial Salu-
...-. ... tatOry.


"Mark Twain" has become ono
of tho propriotors Of tho Buffalo
Express, and publishes his "salu.
tatory" in tho issue of that paper
Of Saturday last. We quote;
Being stranger, it would be
immodest and unbecoming in mo
to suddenly and violently assume
the associate cditorship Of tho
Buffalo Erpress, without single
explanatory word Of comfort or
encouragement to the unoffendiug
patrons Of tho paper who are
about to be exposed to constant
attacks OF my wisdom and learn
ing. But this explanatory word
shall be rs brief az possible. I
only wish to assure parties having
q friendly interest in tho prosper
ity Of the journal that 1 am not
going to hurt tho paper delibcr-
ately and Intentionally at any
time. [ am not going to intro
duce any startling reforms, or in
any way attempt to make trouble.
l am simply going to do my plain,
unpretending duty, when l cannot
get out Of it shall work dill
gently and honestly and faithful.
iY at all times and upon all occa.
sions, when privation and want
shall compel me to do it; in writ
ing shall always confino myself
strictly to the truth, except when
it is attended with Inconvenience !;
[ shall witheringly rebulo all
forms of crime and misconduct,
except When committed by the
party inhablting my own vest; l
shall not make use Of slang or vul-
garity upon any occasion or under
any circumstances, and mover use
profanity except in discussing
house rent and taxes. Indeed,
upon second thought, l will not
even use it then, for it is unchris-
tian, inelegant and degrading
though to speak truly / DO not SEQ
how house rent and taxes nre 20.
ing to be discussed worth q cont
without it. I shall not often med
die with politics. because we have
q political editor who is already
excellent, and only needs to serve
a torn in the ponitentiary in or
der to be perfect. I shall not
write any poetry, unless 1 con-
COVE a spite against tho subscri-
bers.
Such is my platform. I do not
see any earthly use in it; but GUS
tom il law, and custom must be
obeycd, no matter how much vio-
loncc it may do to ones feelings.
And this custom which l am sIa-
vishly following now is surely one
Of tho least necessary that ever
came into vogue. In private lito
IL man does not go and trumpet
his crime before ho commits it.
but your now editor is such an
important parsonage that he feels
called upon to write a "salutatory"
at once, and he puts into it all
that he knows, and all that he
don't know, and some things he
thinka he knows but isn't certain
of. Aud he parades his list Of
wonders which he is going to per-
form of reforms which he is GO
ing to introduce, and public evils
which he is going 10 exterminate;
and public blessings which he is
going to create aud public nui-
sances which ho is going to abate.
Ho spreads this Nil out with op.
prossive solemnity over q column
ana half Of large print, and
feels that the country is saved.
His satisfaction over it is enor.
nous. He then settles down to
biz miracles and inflicts profound
platitudes and imponotrable wis
dom upon a holploss public as long
as they can stand it, and then they
can send him off Consul to eome
savage island in the Pacific in the
vague hopo the ,annibals will like
him we'll enough to cat him, And
with an lnhumanlty which is but
II fitting climax to his career Of
persecution, instead Of packing his
trunk at once, he fingers to inflict
upon his benofa :tors a "valedicto-
ry." IF thcro is anything more
uncallod for than O s'ealutatory,"
it is ono Of thoso toarful, blubber.
ing, long-winded "valedictorios"-
wherein q man who has boon an.
uoying the public tor ten ycnrs
cannot take leave Of them with
ont sitting down to cry a column
and o half. Still, it is the custom
to write valodictories, and custom
should be respected. In m y
heart I admire my predecessor for
declining to print a valedictory,
thotgh'in. public I soy and shall
continue to say sternly, it is Gus.
tom, and ho ought to have printed
ono. People nOvor road thom any
more than they, do tho s.salutato-
fies," but nevertheless he ought