Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1869-06-17
AMUSING.

-
on some subject, exclaimed: at is true
for ma says so; and if ma says so, it is
so, if it amt SO.
Stiggins, the new married man, says
his wife is a perfect rose. The only
drawback to his happiness is, that she
blows out perhaps "leetle" to often.
Josh Billings divides the human race
into three classes: "Those who think
it is so, those who think it isn't so, and
those who don't care whether it is so ol
not"
A hotel landlord in California saves
the expense of a gong by keeping dog
The weight of the landlord ON the dogs
tail causes the animal to howl sufficient.
ly loud to awaken all the guests.
: The most important joke current in
the newspapers is this: "It has been
suggested that the inventor of crinoline
did more to enlarge the sphere of woman
than any reformer of this or earlier
ages"
Speaking of last words, that was a
strikingly appropriate remark of Cali
fsrnia stage driver, who ON his death
bed was visited by brother whip
Said he: bill, Im on the down grade,
and | can't reach the brakel"
The vigilance committee of Byron,
Wyoming Territory, called upon a des-
perate character short time since anu
gave him fifteen minutes to leave town.
He mounted his mule and said, Seen
tlemen, if this id mule don't balk, !
don't want but five."
Pr,f if I
ings bank, inquired one of the newly
arrived, when can draw it out again?i
"Och," replied his Hibernian friend
''sure an ify you put it in to-day, you
can draw it out tomorrow by giving q
fOrtnight's notice."
The tendency of people to carry quo
tations too far was illustrated in pray
er meeting the other day by a brother
exclaiming in an agony of piety, 20
Lord have mercy upon US poor sinners,
of which am chief among ten thou
sand, and altogether lovely"
"Dar are" said sable orator, ''two
roads through this world. De enc am a
broad aud narrow road dat leads to per-
dition, and de udder am narrow and
broad road dat leads to sure destruction.
"lf dat am de case" said sable hearer,
"dis cullud individual takes to the
woods.n
Abiding to popular speaker, New
Haven paper says: His head is like a
six-year-old boys pocket: filled with
bits of glass, twine, old nails, broken
top and crumbs ofdecayed gingerbread.
On the whole, his rambling jargon re-
minds one forcibly of an empty wagon
a l,.ll
One day last week, says the Demopo-
lis Republican, an individual of the AT.
rican persuasion entered the Office o.
the Probate Judge in that city, when
the following dialogue ensued: ''Is di.
de place whar dey gets license for tC
git married." Yes" "Well, 1 got mar
ried two years ago with a license, and
now my wife's done run away and lef
me, an wants to get my name scratch.
ed off,
But say all yer kan about biles; cal
them all the mean names current among
fishmongers; revile, persecute and spil
on them; groan, grin and swear wher
they visit yer; hit them over the heaC
and set on them, if yer pleeze, there il
time in their career when they con
centrate all the pathos NV joy that 6
man has on hand to spare, and that IL
when they bust!-Josh Billings.
Jammie was sitting in the front gale
ry wide awake, when many were slum.
bering around him. The clergyman
endeavoIed to awaken the attention o1
his hearers by stating the fact, saying
"You see even Jamie Frasier, the idiot
does not fall asleep, as so many of you
are doing" Jamie not liking to be thu:
designated. coolly replied, "An' hadns
L been an idiot I wud ha' been sleepin'
too."
n GOOD SHoT.--A gentlemen remark.
ing in tavern that he had shot hawk
at ninety yards with No. shot, another
replied:
"Must have good gun. but Uncle
Dave here has one that will beat it."
"AhI" said the first, chow far will il
kill hawk with No. shot?"
81 don't use shot or ball either" an
swered Uncle Dave himself
'"rhen what do you use, Uncle Dave:
81 shoot salt altogether. l kill my
game so far with my gun that the game
would spile before l could get it,"