The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1869-08-30
Tur porIor CouRr.-Tommy Hop

he better to introduce Tommy before
telling what was the matter with him.
T. Hopkins, Esq, then, was born at a
very early period of his existence. The
-" flag that braved, a thousand years, the
hattie and the breeze" floated over tho
land of his birth-H'old England. That
is, T. Hopkins, Esq, says SO; but we
doubt if he kEows where he was born,
although he was there at the time. 1t
is always better, you see, to have the
birthplaces of great men little uncer-
tain. 1t enhances the mystery that
must surround all such. There T. H.,
Esq, grew and fourished until his am.
bilious soul scared to leave the narrow
boundaries of his native isle. He need
ed room to expand, 80 he came to Amer
lea. This act of T. Hopkins, Esq, is
also involved in doubt. 1t is not Ger.
tain whether he came at his own or the
government expense, or whether he was
forced to leave because of drouth in
the ale market. Anyhow, he came.
Searching over this broad land of ours
for place of rest, like the dove sent
from the ark, Tommy, as we must call
him now, selected this city as the one
he would honor with his residence.
1t is unnecessary to trace his career
since bis frat arrival here. Suffice it to
say that when he left the mother coun-
try he left there the taste for ale, AID
has so cultivated his taste for whisky
that he to-day ranks as the champion
bcnzinist of West Virginia. Gaze upon
him as he stands before Judge Good
waiting for a ticket to admission to
Noah Prices geology school. Look at
that noble form standing as erect as q
letter 49," that eagle eye shedding pine
tree gum; that nose radiant with bios
SONS culled from many glass of fusil
oil. We most respectfully beg you to
take another look at that nose. 1t is a
Roman nose. 1t rosms all over his face.
The fire of genius or something else
lights up that puffy face, making it
shine like Goals Of fire. The ten cent
straw hat with half brim, and that
half artistically fSinged, sits as close to
Tommy's brow as Tommy's unksmpt
head will allow. Take him all in all
he's gay looking bird.
Tommy is charged with having been
found in o state of oblivious drunken
ness in the Second Ward. His noble |
nature scorning the effeminacy Of a bed,
and seeking communion with nature
and her works, impelled him to rest his
regal limbs upon the soft side of pine
plank, where untrammelled and, as he
thought, unmolested, he could gaze on
the ever-chauging clouds, aad watch
the majestic sun sailing proudly on his
course. From his slumber he was
aroused by the rough shake of a police
man, who sang in sweetest strain, "Oh
my Tommy Hopkins, how dye dol"
and then said, "Rise up Tommy Hop
kins and 60 along with me-" what
part of this moral vineyard doyou wish
to visit" asked Tommy, ~ want to
60 to camp meeting" The officer as
sured the confding Hopkins that he
himself wasn't going anywhere else"
So an express wagon was procured and
Tommy was hauled, not to camp meet
ing but to the cslaboose. When the
Judge yesterday asked Tommy how he
came to go to sleep in the street, bis
indignant soul was roased he denied
the charge and said that he had wres.
tie with chap named John-as he was
a little chap, he was known as half or
that John had thrown
him and kicked him when he was
down. Feeling desperately sorry for
him, Judge Good gave him permission
to 90 to Noah Prices school for thirty
days, where, in the soothing study of
geology, he may forget John, and all his
cares.
The sext that came was radient fe-
male whose hair had not been combed
for six weeks evidently. Her name is
Margaret Jones. Regal name, Marga-
ret, the Pearl. Uncommon name, Jones.
The charge against the pearly Jones
was that of being no better than she
should be and being drunk. She could
deny either charge. None of us are
better than we should be, though per-
haps some of US are sober, But this
gentle female confessed, and was fined
81 and costs. She said she couldn't pay
the fine if she would, aud she wouldn't
if she could. The first excuse was suf-
ficient, for if she couldn't if she would,
how could she if she wouldn't She
couldn't without she would, could she
Could youi This being the case, she
went to visit the colored sister, Mary
Green, at Castle Faris.