The union Democrat., 1869-02-27
Old I'D aehel0r&

EDITOR DEuocRAr.-In your issue OF the
18th inst l noticed o somewhat lengthy aud
very doleful article, portraying the m'series
of the bachelor life of the writer, and more
than insiuuat;ng that the bachelor trater-
nifty in general were in similar pickle
with himself. As read the article but cur
sorily and have sent the paper containing 1t
10 a friend, | am unable to give the sigma
ture or nom de plume of the author. To at
tempt a reply without using some sort OF q
name. would be rather a blank way OF treat
ins the matter, aud as l am quite sure the
signature began with D, with your consent,
Mr.. Editor. will call the writer Mr.. Dunn
foncus. What say. shall we let him slide at
that2 guess he will not complain II we uo'
Well then, Mr.. Dumfuugus wants to get mar
ried. He more than intimates that he shall
make an immediate aud terrible raid upon
the single portion of the "be,ter hall OF the
human creation, in quest OF companion TO
share portion of his troubles, and thus allie
yiate his own miseries, in part. The matri-
monial mercury in his mental thermometer
is we'll up among the hot figures, and should
of his opposite sex, with all his presene anna
torinl heut upon him, possibly something
might be did which strict propriety could
hardly Justify. Therefore. and right here,
| would say to Mr.. Dumtunsus, don't rush,
sir, while The hot matrimonial fever is upon
YOU. bu, wait till the chills begin to come ON
before YOU start out. Ever since the world
of live things was first started, hot haste in
the formation Of nuptial contracts has proved to
be dangerous, and has brought much trouble
upon the welded world. Great canton,
therefore, should be exercised by candidates
for wedlock, on the part of both sexes, ere
Gle sing nuptial bargains. Let all the incl
dentals to welded lite be we'll weighed in the
scales of calm reason and sound Judgment
before the married estate is entered INTO, and
nv word for it, there would he fewer "divor-
ces'' than now. Whether Mr.. Dumfungus
is inclined. or not. to slip his neck into the
nuptial moose "Without regard to race or col
or" as our Congress would be tiekled TO
see him dc, of course | am not able to say,
but if he can produce no better evidence of
economy and other necessary qualifications
10 constitute valuable and desirable hus
band than what is contained III his publica-
ton in reference, he Mr.. Dumfungus, will
not be very likely to make raise from
among the self-respecting white single ladies
of the commnni,y-that he won't. Why re-
ally, he represents his dwelling to be In pit
it'll plight barren Of nearly everything essen
tial to comfort and content. From bis own
story about his almost uncomfortable troubles,
| learn that among other numerous negatives
to his comfort, either from inexcusable care
lessness or Incidence, Mr.. Drmtungus has
no preparations beforehand for the fire de-
partment of his home, and in consequence
thereof he wants a wife I, pack up wood for
him. That's pretty well yes, he has to
mash up candles to kindle his fire with, so
destitute is his domicil Of the necessary fuel
for that purpose. Seriously, what charm
ing husband he would make 1t will never
do, Mr.. Dumfungus, it will never do. When
you bait your hook matrimonial you should
he more careful to cover and hide the barb.
Here are few lines of olden time apropos
to Jour case:
As Della with her cruel hook
Leaned oe'r the ripng