The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-08-06
dIrif ans Dutttur.

Wfif att& Duutur.
- Rising men -Balloonists.
- Beile-A female boss of thesltua-
iton.
"A water spout-A temperance
grafton.
Counter attraction Pretty lady
clerks.
Motto for cheap boarding houses
E-No piece repeated.
- Many of the richest planters OF
Jamaica live on coffee grounds.
- TO keep your wife in constant
check--Make her dress in Bingham.
- Heat can travel faster than cold;
anybody can catch cold.
- Hats warranted to wash" are
now on view in some shop windows.
-. The Supreme Court OF Georgia
has put its foot down on miscegenation
Some ladies' use paint as fiddlers
do rosin--to aid them in drawing
beau.
- An Irish editor congratulates
himself that shalt the lies told about
HIM amt true"
- What you leave at your death,
let it be without controversy, else the
lawyers will be your heirs.
Men are born with two ewes, but
with one tongue, in order that they
,houl1 see twice as much as they say.
&c Goldsmith must have been think
ing of the .Grecian Bend' when he
wrote: "When lovely woman stoops
to folly"
- An Irish servant girl applied
to a druggist for six cents worth of the
''glory of rhyme" She had been sent
for chloride Of lime
- Gen. Candy has met his match.
He will hardly set aside the Virginia
election, for the uoc populi is about as
powerful as can be.
1.-THE dressmakers of Troy are
abouG to STRIKE" says an exchange.
Wonder if it is with their needles. If
so the public will see the point.
"A bachelor uses the following
modification of hackneyed phrase in
Congratulating newly married friend:
wish you much jaw"
An old man of sixty, who, Oh re-
ceiving a sentence of twenty years
hard labor, thanked the judge. rs he
"didnt hope to live half so long"
An old lady being asked by her
minister what she thought of the doc
trine OF "total dcpraviCy," replied that
she thought it a very good doctrine if
men would only live up to it.
"A member OF a temperance socie-
ty excused his frequent drinks by say
ing that the doctor told him to take
liquor as a medicine and he never told
him to stop.
- 1t was a saying of Dean Swift
that little souled people are like uar-
row neck bottles--the less they have in
them, the more noise they make in
pouring it OUT
"A gentleman wishing, not long
since, to pop the question:" took up
the young lady's cat and said: "Pus-
sy may have your mistress?" 1t was
answered by the lady, Say yes, pussyY
Islam, why don't you talk to
massa, and tell him to lay up treasures
in heaven?" ''What for? What de
use OF laying up treasures dare, where
he never see 'em again?"
An Irishman went to live in
Scotland for short time, but didn't
like the country. 81 was sick all the
time 1 was there" said he; sand if /
had lived there till this time I'd been
dead a year ago!"
"There is no truth in men," said
a lady, in company. "They are like
musical instruments, which sound
variety of tunes" sin other words.
madam" said another lady "you be-
lieye that all men are Tyres :"
- DR.. Abernethy asked a student
one day what he would do in case a
man was blown up with gunpowder.
II should wait until be came down."
was she cool reply. "And suppose I
should kick yodtor your impertine nce,'
said the angry serguon, 'wEat muscle
would put in motion ?' "The tensors
and tleXors OF my right arm, Sir J"
- A Physician examining student
as to his progress, asked him:
..Should a man fall into well forty
feet deep, and strike his head against
one of the tools with which he had been
digging, what whuld be your course if
called in as surgeon 7"
The student replied:
II should advise them to let the man
lie and fill up the well.".
a court buffoon having offended |
his sovereign, the monarch sentenced |
him to death. The culprit, in great |
terror, fell upon his KIN 'es, and cried |
for mercy. al will extend no other
mercy to YOU" said the prince, sex
cept permitting you to choose what |
kid OF dealt you will die. Decide I'm.
mediately, for will be oOcyed. IL "a
dore your clemency,n said the crafty
jester; IL choose to die OF old aJe."
An old bachelor picking up a
book, exclaimed, upon seeing a wood
cut representing a man kneeling at the
feet OF woman. "Bcfore i wonld
kneel to woman [ would encircle my
neck with rope and stretch it," And
then turning TO young woman he en-
quired, "Dou't you think it wonld De
the best thing could do" alt would
undoubtedly be the best for the wo-
man." was the reply.