The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1869-10-04
BEADLE OUTSHONE.
Love, Buck Shot, Escapades,
Blood and Thunder.
HOW ILLINOIS LOVERS DO 1T.
A TRUE TALE.

We have Just obtained the full particulars
Of an affair at Erie, Whiteside county, which
completely knocks into the shade any pro
duction OF the Besde dime series which it |
has been our pleasure to peruse for many
months past.
In the town Of Erie, for year or more,
little case OF the genuine Lochinvar love
business has been gradually cooking up. A
few weeks ago it eliminated at blood heat,
and that several corpses were not provided
for the undertaken is probably due to the
fact that the scene is laid in prosaic Illinois,
and not in the glowing tropics where Love
bestrides the gale, where "Feuds and
brawls untrammeed thrive, and hostile
rogues untroubled bleed
The principals of thi, exciting drama
we're as follows the hero, Colonel b. Won
ser, youth of muscle, me,te, FIRE, and i'm.
pecuniosity-poor but proud-we have not
learned whether he was poet or ar,ist-we
only know that he was q brick; the heroine,
Maria Kelley by name, blusbing maid of
eighteen summers, fair haired, rosy, healthy,
and most damagingly handsome; cruel par
tents on the heroine's side, Benjamin Kelley,
and Elizabeth Kelley; cruel PARENT on hero's
side, NJ. G. Wonser; sympathetic mother on
heros side, Ruth Ann Wonser.
Il. ~ Il
had long paid his "distresses" to the charm.
ing and willing Maria. Her parents had mis-
trusted nothing. A few weeks ago, on one
of those delicious moonlight nights, when
lovers delight to linger long and sentiment
ally along romantic walks and familiar lanes,
the fascinated couple returned from their Gus
tomary stroll, with their hearts deluged in
tenderness, and their minds filled with bust.
ness Of the gravest description. They re-
paired 10 the family drawing room, and
Maria summoned her paternal ancestor.
AS We have elsewhere quoted, he came,
and saw, and conquered. Colonel urbanely
informed him that he would like to trans
plant his fair flower from its parent bed to
to. Here the "old man. scented the oder.
ferrous specimen Of the genus rat, lurking
beneath this poetic Evolutionary effort, and
interruptng the flow of refined language
bubbling up from the hero's throat, put
forth his well preserved strength in an en-,
ergetic manner, and upon the young man q
tablet of unutterable thoughts" inscribed
with air Of number fifteen boots O most
vigorous protest against Loves young
dream. Hero landed simultaneously in the
: hall, on the porch, and in fundamental style
in turnip patch before the door. All
then and there were hurryings to and fro
and gathering tears, and trembngs Of dis
tress, and cheeks which but an hour age
> blushed with the praise of their own lowell
= ness, were now either buried in a checl
! apron, or tsttoed in original shape with vul
9 gar Whitesides mud. Hero did his princi
= pal "hurrying" toward the gate. The "olt
0 man" stormed and swore, and sent the CIR
I to bed, thinking he had given the "font
r gazelle" business dose it wouldn't SCOT
= recover from. But he had forgotten thu
n traditions Of his youth. In a few days
= "kind friend" furnished means for CORES
a pondence. Inhamatory messages were &C
5 cordngly exchanged with marked success
e aud hero shortly begged her to "meet hin
s in the lane, love, when the clock strucl
}. nine" She acceded. Stolen waters being
= sweet, on good authority, their innocen
y clandesiine meetings became established in
}, stitutions. While the cruel PARENT believed
o he had squelehed the whole affair." the low
h ers were meeting oftener than ever. Beini
s undiscovered, and time slipping by so speed
. lily at their bewildering interviews, the love
IS one evening proposed an adjournment II
u her chamber until the "wee sma hours
h should come. She blushinglJ refused, thel
;" noo..a>~A, "@A tI~-> &c course consented
Maria retired like dutiful girl at an earl
hour, and the sold man" consoled himse
with the fact that with all her faults sh
was still patient, obedent child-all ON
ing, no doubt, TO the resolute manner il
which he had crushed thu rebellion. Her
soon followed her by way Of the trellis wor
and window. This highly romantic piece o
l. strategy was carried on for some time, Blu
>, alas lurking enemies discovered it at las
Is and laid low for hero's destruction. One nigh
| while commencing his usual interesting al
a. cent, seminal raised up from clump c
III bushes with a double bsrrelled shot CUR
a and sent charge of back shot about tn
e. pedal extremities of the lover. Happil,
il excited nerves sent the vengeful lead estraJ
y and hero beat Il successful, and as his enc
. mics insist, a most rapid retreat. He wa
in prepared for warm reception but not quit
n such warm one as that. OF course tn
gossips had sweet morsel to roll unde
their tongues next day. As hero was nc
of age, his paternal determined to exercis
~ lawful authority against him, and foreve
IS prohibited any farther escapades of tn
kind.
The heroine was relieved of sundry appal
ell. We won't go into details, but our IL
70 formans states that she had anything but
bor m Che uao alao cloee