The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1869-07-10
Buqget Of FINN.


Tvxx-&Rxy-1N SAs<SaW 49,.
John ChipananDefenAed.
The Cinnamon have st last found a bold de-
fender in the eccentric but talented Geo. Francis
Tram. In q speech delivered before .
crowded audience, few days since, in San Fran
cisco, where the Chinaee emigrants are more
cordially despised and more uncivilly treated
sought to rescue them from the effects Of the re-
ports that have been circulated against them, in
the the following courageous style:
"In Java found different people from any
in the known world. And then began to have
q taste for travel. found the Chinese to be
more advanced in civilization than the English,
although the English tried to civilize them with
cannon balls and boxes Of opium. (Applause.]
I never was 90 surprised as was when got to
China, to find that England had lied worse
about the Chinese than any other people. had
not looked at the Chinese except through Eng
lish newspapers. fouad, when introduced, in
stead of shaking my hand, the party to whom
was introduced shook his own hand, and had
to do the same. When perplexed, instead of
scratching their head, . Cinnamon scratches--.
[Laughter.] Their orchester Is always behind
the stage, instead OF before it. They do BUSH
ness for cash, while we do it mostly for credit.
They read from bottom TO top Of page, instead
of from right to left. Sixteen hundred little
pieces of their copper money go for one dollar,
and in the center Of each piece is q little hole,
which they dexterously usc to pull out the teeth
of rats, which they cut up for pies. Applause
and laughter.] The men IN China wear gowns
down to the ankles, and the women do not
They never pay their doctors except when well
never pay them when sick; and l do not know
but the practice would be q wholesome and
healthy one here. [Laughterl 1t is not bad
idea They bury their dead six feet above
ground instead of beneath it. They scul
boat in front instead Of behind. They never fan
their faces-always their backs. [Laughterl
NOTHING BUT W1xD-"My DEAR" said good
unsuspicions Mrs. Howard, II think Mary is in
= decline"
"In what ?" exclaimed the startled but unro-
mantle husband
"a decline, my dear-in q decline"
'You were too stern with her in regard to that
little affair with Mr.. Young. Girls hearts, my
dear, are not like those Of great rough boys they
are fragile things, my loye-very fragile. Now,
have noticed that Mary acts very queer she
eats nothing but peaches OF canned ounce or
something Of that sort and to-day, unobserved
by her, was watching her singular movements,
spasm Of pain crossed her features, she stopped
in her walk and clutched her hand over the re-
gion of her heart and sighed, my dear-sighed as
if her heart was breaking said the lady.
''Sighed, did she, and groaned. Umph Amt
you old enough yet to tell the difference between
a breaking heart and spell of the collie ?"
'Sir !" exclaimed the indignant lady.
"Nothing but wind. my dear-nothing but
wind don't be alarmed! " and Mr. Howard set
tied himself down to the papers.
FRENCH ACCIDENT-This is the way French
paper chronicles an accident:
''On Saturday. an accident, which might have
been attended with sad results, took place in this
city PARIS. A bricklayer, having lost his bal.
ance, fell from the sixth story Of house to the
street. Fortunately, two women who were chat
ting on the sidewalk, received the falling man
on their heads and broke his fall. The brick.
layer was taken up safe and sound. The by.
ISLANDERS shuddered to think that but for lucky
chance the accident would have cost him his life.
The two women were instantly killed"
Theology is a strong point with Louisiana
freedmen. This conversation was recently over
heard between two aged darkeys: "Yes, sar,
said one, II tells you de good man is ebrywhere
He sees ebrything. He makes the grass grow
golly. He can make anything grow" whats
dat He make de grass grow, you say! Why
don't he mako ebrything grow He do"
.'Got you dare Do he make de bricks grow
Why don't He make de rocks get up and spread -
This was evidently q clincher. The dusky ex-
FOUNDER of orthodoxy couldn't come to time
He scratched his head moment and replied
Spect He don't vsnt &c. He got somethin' else
to do sides tending to SIGH foolishness.'
Anna Dickinson wants to eliminate from
the radical party "all roguss and rascas, all per.
sons who are safe in the possession of tue devil"
Horace Greeley objects. He says after the pro-
cess of elimination was completed. there would
not be enough of the party to ''swear by"
A farmer living in the vicinity of Lexington,
Ky, one morning recently rode into the city and
hitched his horse at blacksmith shop. That at
ternoon he walked home, not once thinking OF his
horse until inside of his door yard. 1t is beiev-
ed that q pressure of Bourbon on the brain
caused his absence of mind in this instance.
A schoolmaster in Lancaster county public
school was drilling class of youngsters in
arithmetic. He said to them, "If l cut an ap-
pie in two what will the parts be?' "Halves"
was the answer. "If cut the halves in two
what would you call the parts ?" Quarters"
"If cut the quarters in two what would the
parts be:" Answer unanimously, "sniss u
An Englishman was telling the la to Colonel
Isaac O. Barnes, Massachusetts,, of the great
rate cars run in England. "Why, Colonel, in
my country, they go seventy.fve miles an hour"
"They do !" says the Colonel; 'they couldn't run
long at that rate, for they'd run off the id
little island"
Saws the New York Tribune: IAN English.
man can do nothing without dinner; an
American cannot stop to eat" With regard to
the latter, perhaps no. but just ask him to drink,
and see what then.