The Portland daily press., 1869-08-12

aai & Esores.i " 1sdi5qol aiass g
The Bore is plantig rade herbivorous and
carnivorous mammal OF the genus homo. ~ !
; is bped of the rodent land sometimes runiF
nantl order, and is of gregarious hapits. aa
1t Is from four to six feet high, and wide Inv
proportion, having kind Of flesh color. sasa
It preys on human Delngs' winch 1t
Instead Of burrowing in the ground Or hid
ING in hollow trees in woods and mountains.
as it ought to do, Il flocks TO large towns and
cities, where 1t lives en- the public streets.
chiefly at the corners thereof -
Although very annoying 1t is not exactly
ferocious, and it is against the laws 10 destroy
it without just proyocation. Such an act
would be classed under the general head Of
Cruelty to Animals" siirls ~ g "a
Bores may be divided into six classes, as
1.-The Button holers. -, 4,
II-The.sO-By -tLe-ways.V ; y 3tasf
IIL-The "Say-rs"
IV.-The "You-knows." se
V.-The "They says"
VI.-The aYou- don't happen to-haSe -two-
bits-about- you, do-you "aiio4 - oala 2 I
the corner Of the street, attacks you suddenly,
surrounds you, captures you, holds you as
prisoner for one hour and twenty minutes,
during which he delivers an Grafton on some
interesting theme-all this at such time as
you have business of importance to transact
and every minute is valuable to you.
The 20, 'by-theway" is, the class of Bore
who comes into your newspaper Office while
you are In the midst OF your leader, talks con-
tinuously an hour and thre1-quarters, with
out saying anythinr, and finally makes a.
movement as il TO take. his departure; then 1
you are Just mentally congfatulating YOURSELF
on your deliverance, when he suddenly re-
turns to the attack With engr4ef =
20, by the way cane near forgetting it!
Did you hear about--'
He then proceeds to unfold a tale Of some
thing which he considers very funny, and
which he relates with great power, winding
up with the instruction to you to write it up
and publish il in your paper; which you
promise TO do, for the sake OF getting rid Of
him, although you would as soon think of
publishing your own obituary. ashIe lassasl
The HSays-T' comes Suddenly npon you
anywhere and at any fine OF day, just as you
are commencing to read letter from her on
whom you place higher estimate than you
doom your own poor life. No use trying to
escape; you've got to listen to him while he
gives akfulsOme account of the last. bitter
quarrel he had with his mother-in-law, whom
you have never seen-two of every three
words he speaks being ''Says T." Il just told y
her-says l. know betterr says ~. Says I,
Its no such thingp says II AS he warns up
with'the subject he gets the Says r abbrevf- I
ated to S'si," and finally to ISL . and he goes
on, minute alter minute, hour after hour,
"Says I,,-ing and aS'sip ing, and .S'i'-iog, aud
signing, till he becomes regular "Bridge Of
Sighs,n and the cold perspiration starts from
your frame, you grow weak In the knees and.
finally fail TO the earth in spasm. sses9 !
The "You-know" is perhaps, somewhat
milder species OF bore than the foregoing.
His attacks, although none the less severe,
are not always so unseasoL able, and he some
times shows real glmpses OF human reason,
Historic is to tell you a story lone that he
has already told you three hundred and sew
enty times about some trifling circumstance
that happened when he was a boy going to
school. making his recital three fines as long
as it nesd be by using so many "Fou-knows,a.
and hesitating q moment after each one, as il
expecting You t0nod assent. ESQ, you know
!, you know kept rght.on, you know--and,
you you kn no., at the emf you know1 r the
Thus he goes on fol hours, while, YOU YOU are
chiefly occupied in trying to keep awake and
accord him proper amount OF attention.
responding with ays" TO his Knows
"The They-say" talks. continually about.
absent parties, whom you know little and
care less about, throwing outzdark hints con-
corning their integrity, honesty, virtue, and
the like, and everlastingly giving the iniallible
"fbey as his authority.sa -sssseo9 81 s Z
sThe6 ACKNOWLEDGMENT to- have two-bitsg
about-y ,-do you 2" is one OF the West and
most repusnant Of The beres. He is q seedily-
dressed chap,s twenty-nme years DID, who
does nothing for bis support, lives on The cold
folks" and asks you every time he sees you
ior.the triding sum Of two or four bits, as
suring you that heexpeets to get some money
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