The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1869-04-02
WIT AND WISDOM.

Straw colored guaze is Eugenie's last
dress.
What is most likely to become wo
man A little girl
The first thing people dye and the last
one that is dead is the hair.
Men injured while riding velocipcs are
literally broken on the wheel.
If seven days made a week, how many
will make one strong?
If four quarters make yard, how
many will make a garden?
Why is the chemist like wit? Be-
cause he is furnished with good retorts
Why is a joiner less handsome than
his wife? Because he is deal planer
Tenement that is now occupied half
the time-The room for improvement.
Why is a baby like wheat? Because
it is first cradled, then thrashed, and
finally becomes the flower of the family
Method of determining horse power
stand close up behind a horse and tickle
his hind legs with a briar.
The Grecian Bend is splendid for hunt
ing pins and nose bleeding but it's awful
for studying astronomy.
Judy says the man who isawful urbdne
to his wife before strangers, is generally
also her bane" behind their backs.
Why are Victoria's pastry cooks like
the Canadas Because they are the
queen dough minions.
Man is ar animal, so is hog 1t is a
bad rule that won't work both ways !;
therefore a man is hog.
a Kentucky farmer is exhibiting an
egg in the shape of dumb bell, laid by
one of his eccentric hens
"Mr. Smith, the hogs are in your corn
field" Never mind, Billy, I'm sleepy.
Corn won't hurt en-
a niggard kept surly dog in his yard,
so that when the needy called for a bite
they could get it outside the door.
The strongest kind of hint-a young
lady asking a gentleman to see if one OF
her rings would 90 on his little tiogcr.
The only certain way of avoiding gray
hairs yet discovered is to keep the head
closely shaved.
After long period Of wet weather,
when they have prayed vainly for relief,
the Chinese put their gods out in the rain,
to see how they like it.
We see advertised " Self raising flour"
self raising wheat will no doubt short
ly follow and what will become Of the
farming interest then?
A gentleman ordered a servant to call
him at six; but he woke him at four,
telling him he had two hours longer to
sleep.
An octogenarian says: | was born
at the wrong time. When was a young
man, young men were of no account
Now am old, find old men are of no
account
Josh Billings says: "Whcn young
man amt good Tor anything else, | like
tew see him carry gold headed cane
If he can't buy a cane, let him part his
hair in the middle"
A Southern editor is bitterly opposed
to the education Of women as surgeons
Suppose, he says, gentleman were put
under the influence of fchloroform by such
doctress-what is to prevent the woman
from kissing him!
An lrishman was hired to trim some
fruit trees. He went in the morning
and on returning at noon, was asked if
he had completed the job. 8 No. was
the reply, but have cut them all down,
and am going to trim them in the after
noon"
An agricultural cotemporary says that
butter should not be kept in the same
place. as petroleum, because the latter will
spoil the butter. This is hardly fair to
the petroleum, as most of the butter now
a-days is strong enough to destroy the
petroleum first, and turn it out OF the
place afterwards.
When young lady who hasn't got
the dyspepsia or isn't homesick, gives ut
terance every five minutes to sigh as
deep as a well, it may be taken as pop sure
that she is in love The sooner that
young man orders hack for the parsons
the better for the lady, and very likely for
himself There is generally but one cure
! for these ills.