The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1869-12-18
Variety.

II n man who has made fool Of himself to b
considered q sclEmaie man?
Woman's rights-If she cannot be captain Of
ship, she may always command smack.
Squib, speaking financially, says il was the las
eamel's hair for Mrs. 5. which broke in his back
Why is n selfish friend like the letter p? Be
cause, though first in pity, he is the last in help
The Sun has discovered that it will be % year
before the 4th ofJuly will again fall upon Sunday
mean pun-for n man To lay hold Of n lady
back hair. and apologize by saying he thought h'
was pulling belle knob
"Can you steer the rnain-mast down the fore
castle stairs?' said n captain to q new hand
Yes, sir, can If you III stand below and coil il
up" The captain didn't catechise that man any
more.
Baptism was solemnized in our blockading
feet OH North Carolina in 1905, and notice was
to be given To the feet by signal. The book con-
tanned no symbols for - baptism" and the order
was signalled thus - There will be religious
diving ON shore mt two p. NJ"
sud Lord John Russell to Mr. Hume at n So
| cial dinner "What do you consider the object
Of legislation? The greatest good to the great
4 est number. ."-s' Wht do you consider the
greatest number?" continued his lordship.
% Number one," was the commoner's prompt
reply.
A Vermont paper publishes the discovery in
the cumbering aecumulations Of years in the eel
kr OF Brattleboro store, Of an old-ashoned sign
board, yeilow-lettered, with the legend - James
fisk's Cheap Store And the editor meekly
#hoPes he WON'T be sued for publishing the item.
IA A drunkan man sought an entrance into one Of
Our liquor establishments on Thursday, but was
Erefused, whereupon he expressed his sentiments
@thusly: .. You are a-hog. You want to
drink all the rum yourself. When you've drunk
pc you'll feel nice, won't your
The pastor of popular church ut Terre Haute
preached the funeral sermon of q child. An un-
usually large audience present, and the
preacher began by saying: 'SIy friends, am
plensed To see many of you ON this occasion" :"
Noticing the blunder ne had made, he added ::
PsHsireiy pleased, I mean
One cold winter night some % years ago, a
ouple appeared under the window Of Squire in
Washington county, and called for him. The
Fqaire got out Of bed and asked what they wanted.
Want to get married.
- Married and be darned, - said the Squire and
but the window. IL n short ceremony, but
hey considered il sufficient, and are living to-
ether to-day rs man and vile.
Ar SEa--By some happy fortune was not
ea-sIek- That was n thing to be proud Of. had
ot always escaped before. IL there is one thing
p the world that will make peculiarly and
psuferably self coueeited, it is To have his stom-
ch to behave itself the first day ut sea, when
earIy all his comrades are sick Soon n yenera
e FOSSIL, shawlesi 10 the chin. and bandaged like
mummy, appeared as the door Of the after deck
Duse. and the next lurch OF the ship shot him
Dto my arms I said
" Good morning. SIR. les n fine day"
lie put his hand his stomach and said !:
oh, my" AMI then staggered away and fell
ser the coop OF n skylight.
Presently another old gentleman projected
pm the same door with great violence. I said ::
Calm yourself, SIR t; there h no hurry. 1t
10 day, sir."
he also put his hand ON his stomach and said
Oh my ?" and rcelcd away.
IN little while another veteran was discharged
fuptly from the same door, elawing at the air
saving support ! said
Good morning. sir. IL Is n fine day for
tasuriEg- You were about TO say
h. oh, N.Y.
thought 80. I anticipated Aias ANYHOW. I
ycd there and was bombarded with old gentIe-
n Tor an hour, perhaps, and all got out of
em WINS I" Oh, my 80
went away, then, in q thoughtful mood. 4
q, this Il n good pleasure excursion. like IL.
passengers are not garrulous, but still thew
sociabie. L like those old people but somehow
all seem to have the-s Oh, N.Y." rnther had
Knew what was the matter with them. They
70 sen-sick- And was glad of IL. We al
70 see people sca-sick when We are not our
es. Playing whist by the cabin hmps when
ssormlng outside is pleasant; walking the
rser deck IN moonlight is pleasant, smoking
NE breezy foretop Is pleasant when one Il not
'd to 90 up there but these are all feeble and
mon place compared with the iov of see;ng
Ne suffering the Iniseries OF s.s,-sicLne~
Teams PilgTus's Progress