Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1869-11-24
amusing Paragraphs.

AT country town in Ohio a little boy
who was jumping about and bawling loud
ly, was asked why he wept. ST want my
NANNY; that's what I want. I told the
darned thing she'd lose me"
''Come, wife, said Will, 'I pray yoa devote
Just half minute to mend this coat,
Which nail has CHANGED to rend.''.
'Tis ten O'Clock" said the drowsy mate.
81 know said WILL cit is rather late,
But it is never too late to mend.''
-s'I think I have seen you before, SIR
said one gentleman to another. "Are YOU
not Owen Smith, go, yes, said the other,
''Im OWN Smith, and OWN Jones, and
OWN Brown, and OWN everybody"
There is an old story of Lord Mayor
OF London who went outcourting in athree
cornered hat jack boots, and arrayed with
sword. On hearing a cry of E'Ihe hare
comes, the hare comes!" his lordship, draw
ing his sword, said, ''Let it come; thank
my God fear it not"
An enthusiastic admirer of beautiful
women recently startled friend; ''Been
to caurch this morning" he asserted. '"To
chu1ch?" ''Yes, and such necksi Full
and white and good enough to eat-six of
them all in row; watched 'em all through
service. 0, my! what neolzs."
An Irishman recently stopped at Tho.
tel IN Des Moines, Iowa, where pretty high
bills were charged. Ia the morning the
landlord made out the amount of damages
and presented it to Pat. After he had
glanced over it, the latter looked the land
lord IN the face and exclaimed; ''You put
me in mind Of q snipe." ''Why?" asked
the landlord. Because ye're very nigh
all bill"
The following is given by an exchange
to illustrate the common mode of examin-
Iorr tpo IN
father" "What was your mothers maid
en- name?' ''Did you ever have a brother
convicted oflarceny?' GLOW much money
do you owe?" care all your children legiti-
mate?" estate the name and occupation of
your great-grandfather. We're you ever
convicted of bigamy?"
A young mother in Fort Wayne, Ind,
on the important occasion of making her
little boy his first pair Of trowsers, conceiv-
ed the idea that it would be more economi-
cal to make them of the same dimensions
behind and before, SO that they might be
changed about and wear evenly, Their eff
feet, when donned by the little fellow was
very ridiculous. Pa, at first sight of the
baggy garment burst into a roar of laugh
| ter, and exclaimed, ooh, my dear, how
could you have the heart to do it? Why, the
poor little fellow won't know whether he's
| going to school or coming home.
Samuel Wesley visited one of his par
ishioners as he was upon his dying bed-a
man who had never missed going to church
in forty years. Thomas, where do you
think your soul will go?" ''Soul! Soul!"
said Thomas. eyes, sir" said Mr.. Wes-
ley, edo you not know what your soul
is ?" SAY, surely" said Thomas; ''why, it
is little hone in the back that lives long
er than the body
There is story told of well known
abolitionist, who, in the early years of the
movement, was once riding in hack in
Boston with two clergymen. The clergy
men asked the abolitionist what his bust
ness was.
''My business is to fight slavery" was
the reply.
Eight slavery! then why do you stay
here? Why don't you go down South to
the home Of slavery and fight it there?"
Gentlemen, don't you fight slavery"
''No, sir, it is all we can do to fight the
ID in our profession.
Indeed! then what are y0U doing here,
why don't you go down to HI, the home
of the ID, and fight him there? said the
] abolitionist.