The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-02-20
VARIOUS ITEMS.

n
Name me, and you destroy mel 81
| lence.
Why is a dancing-mastcr like tssee
Because he's full of bows (boughs).
Why is love like ducks footf Be
cause it often lies hidden in. the bFeest.
Why is lovely young lsdy like .
hinge! Because she is something - =
dore. ~ fs
Why is ST. PauIs cathedral ike p
birds nest? because it is built by >
Wren.
Why is it absurd to expect q pxettr
girl to be candid Because she cannot b.
plain. s.s>s,szE
Why are the Joncses like the Green~
land fisheries? Because they absasAFie
W(h)ales. &c ii Fs2s
Why is blazing Gre like generous
heart? Because it exhibits agzfe-6aA =
| warmth. ~ g18 6ae1T ara
Why is person asking questions the
strangest of all individuals? Because
| he's the querist. -
What extraordinary kind Of meat may
| be obtained in tho Isle of Wightf Mut-
| ton from Cowcs. tss
When is the best time to read the
book of nature? When autumn turns
| the leaves.
Why do birds feel depressed carly in
the morning? Because their bills are
all over dew s Fea
An exchange says there is lady ID
that town SO modest that she win not al
| low the " Chrtsfian Advocate" to remain
in her room over night!
l r.
generally get along quietly until they
are engaged. .ssaA
A tipsy loafer mistook globe lamp
with letters on it for the queen Of ni&hk
"Well," said he, ''if somebody amt stuck
an advertisement on the moon? ~
Dead cows are said to be representa-
tiyes of the lost caws. eag}sa
| What is the only pain we make light
of? A window pane.
| A very unpopular officer for youngs
ladies-General Housework.
Habit is cable We weave threads
of it every day, and at last we cannca
!, break it. a taH shs3aslg1
It's very unsafe thing to sell any
, thing to a'person in bed, hecause he muse
J be buying on tick. ae#s ~
Though we travel the world over To-.
find the beautiful, we must carry it with,
US, or we find it not.
Neither men nor women are what they
seem. For particulars inquire of the
tailors and dressmakers.
A cockney friend declares that =
drowned rat is like horse-doctor, because.
he is 'vet an airy 'un." .TiT0M
When a man is out Of money he shows.
f the least Of it, Whom he il out Of tenn
per he shows the most of it.. ke . srw
He that is going to speak i'll cf anothNs.
let him consider himself well, and 10,
will hold his peace.
A Hungarian, desiring to remark %.
tho domestic habits Of . young lady,
said, "Oh, Miss, how homely youars. .%,7i
At the marriage of widower out West.
brass band played the tune my wife's.
+ dead and I've got another oness'NaaH
, The Marquis do Cussy, Z Frsnek
t writer on astronomical subjects, has. de-
fined indigestion to be ''the -ingratituds.
, of the stomach" ''-''''
: What is the difference between town.
!. and its people? It is laid out at tES ~
9 ginning of its existence, and they atth6.
, end of theirs ss s,.fn ,sss
Where do you ind the earliest msnt;Qp,
: of free admission to the theatre When.
Joseph was let into the pit by his breth--
rem for nofhing. s9a'i1oaspa
:. A Bangor Judge refuses to hear dil
yorce cases this term, because the .celd
weather is likely to bring the parties Ia
; gether again if they are Jet slone. II. - !.
!, An Irish magistrate, censuring sope
: boys for lettering in'the streets, rid, s1k
: everybody were to stand in th6 Stsests,
t how could anybody get BY r" sr.dsssso1
: Josh Billings Gays human pAttE il the
Z same, all over tho world, 'cepAliAa Nex
8 England, and that is jest aeeoEdisO Otesssr
!: kumstances. . sssfsy 81 on ID