Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-11-02
How Smith Asked the Old Man.

How Smith Asked the Old Man.
Smith had just asked Mr.. Thompson
daughter if she would give him lift out q
bacheordom, and she had said Yes"
1t therefore became absolutely necessary t
get the old gentleman's permission, so, a
smith SAID. the arrangements might be mad
to hop the conjugal twig.
smith SAID he d rather pop the interrogation,
to all OF old Thompson's daughters, and hi
sisters, and his lady cousins, and his aunt Han
nah, IN the country, and the whole of his fe
male relations, than ask old Thompson. Blu
1t mad to be done, and so he sat down anc
studied out speech which he was to diseore,
at old Thompson the very first time he got ;;
shy at him. So Smith dropped in on him ont
Sunday evening, when all the family had me
andered around to meeting, aud found him do
ing sum in beer measure.
| How are you. Smith p said old Thompson
| as the former walked in, white as a piece o.
| chalk, and trembling as if he had swallowed q
condensed earthquake. Smith was afraid to
answer, cause he want sure about that speech
tie knew he had to keep his grip on it while
he had it there, or it would slip from him
quicker than an oiled eel through an auger
hole. So he blurted out
Mr.. Thompson, sir: Perhaps it may not
De unknown to you, that during an extended
period OF some five years, | have been busily
engaged IN the prosecution of commercial en-
terprise-"
rs that 50, and keepin' it secret all this
t1me, I'm Whlle thought you we're tendin' store
you?'' Wv '''~''' -'"' "''
Smith had begun to think it all over again,
to get the run of it.
l. MIR. Thompson, sir: Perhaps it may not be
unknown to you, that during the extended Pc
rlod OF hive years, have been busily engaged
In the prosecution OF commercial enterprise,
with the determination to secure a sufficient
maintenance
sit down. Smith, and help yourself to beer
Don stand there holdin' your hat, like blind
beggar with paralysis. never have seen you
behave yourself so queer in all my born days. !"
Smith had been knocked out again, and so
he had to wander back again and take a fresh
start.
"Mr. Thompson, sir: It may not be un-
known to you, that during an extended period
OF hve years, l have been engaged in the pros
ecutlon OF commercial enterprise, with the
determination to procure sufficient mainten-
ance-"
"A which ance?' asked old Thompson; but
Smith held on to The last word as if it was his
only chance, and went on:
In the hope that some day I might enter
wedlock, and bestow my earthly possessions up
on one whom l could call my own. I haye
been lonely man, sir, and have felt that it is
not good for man to be alone; therefore [
would"
Neither is it Smith I'm glad you dropped
Mr.. Thompson, SIR" said Smith. in de-
sspalrlng confusion, raising his voice to yell,
1t may not be unknown to you that, during
an extended period of a lonely man, I have
been engaged to enter wedlock, and bestowed
all my enterprise on one whom [ could deter
mine to be good for certain possessions-no. I
mean-that is-that-M Thompson, sir it
may not be unknown
- And then, again, it may. Look here,
Smith; you'd better lay down and take some
thing warm-you amt we'll. -
Smith swearing like four-year old colt,
went in again.
''Mr. Thompson, sir: 1t may not be lonely
to you to prosecute me whom you friend, for
commercial maintenance, but-but-eh-
dang it-Mr Thompson, sir It"
Oh, Smith. you talk like fool. never
seen trst-class idiot in the course of my whole
life. What's the matter with you. anyhow ?"
Mr.. Thompson, SIR said Smith, in an az
ony OF bewlderment, 1T may not be known
that you prosecuted lonely man who is not
good for commercial period Of wedlock for
some five years. but
See here Mr.. Smith. you're drunk, and if
you cant behave better than that. you better
leave if you don't I'll chuck you out, or I'm
a Dnfchman
Mr. Thompson, sir" said Smith, frantic
with despair, ''it may not be unknown to you
that my earthly possessions are engaged to en-
ter wedlock five years with sufficiently lonely
man, who is not good for commercial main
tenance-'
.''The very deuce he isn't Now you list git
up and git, or I'll knock what little brains out
of you you'v got left y
With that, old Thompson took Smith and
shot him into the street as if he'd run him
against locomotive, going out at the rate of
forty miles an hour. Before old Thompson
had time to shut the front door, Smith collected
his legs and one thing and another that were
lying around on the pavement, arranged him
self in vertical position, and yelled OUT
Mr.. Thompson, sir: 1t may not be known
to you which made the old man so wretched
mad that he went oat and set bull terrier on
Smith before he had a chance to lift bro
gan, and there was scientific dog-6ght, with
odds In favor Of the dog, for he had an awful
hold for such small animal
Smith afterwards married the girl, and lived
happily about two months At the end of that
time he told confidential friend that he would
willingly take more trouble and undergo mil
lion more dog bites to get rid of her.