The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-12-17

those obtaining liquors of them.
CAT what hour do you dine, my dear?"
asked lady of a little girl when papa
comes home" "And when does your
papa come home ?" Just before dinner,
ma'am." $500
WHERE there is no Christian Sabbath
there is no christian morality; and with
out this free institutions cannot long be
sustained.-Mr. Justice Mclean.
A DENTIST having labored in vain to
extract a decayed tooth from lady's
mouth, gave up the task with this apol-
ogy: "The fact is, madam, it is impossi-
BILE for anything bad to come from your
mouth"
"HAs a man." asked a prisoner of a
magistrate, "any right to commit a nui.
sance" mo, sir, not even the mayor"
"Then, sir, claim my liberty. was ar
rested as nuisance; and as no one has a
right to commit me, l move for nom
suit"
ONLY ONCE, YET ALL THE Tine
You ask me, love, how many times
think of you day;
frankly answer only once,
And mean just what say.
You seem perplexed, and somewhat hurt;
But wait and hear the rhyme;
Pray, how can one do more than once
What one does all the timer
In Waltham, VT, recently, girl years
of age, finding her dress in flames, with re-
markable presence of mind smothered the
fire, and cut off her burning apron with a
pair of scissors, while her little hands
were being burned to blisters, and not
only saved her own life, but that of the
baby also, by keeping away from it until
the fire was put out.
WHAT THEY SAY OF IT IN ENGLAND
We hesitate not to assign very powerful
influence to Life Assurance among the in
situations and elements of that higher
civilization which, in later times, has been
evolved and enjoyed beyond all historical
precedent-North British Rerie,o. No
English Company offers as great induce
ments as the Washington Life of New
York.
In a school examination lady appealed
to the self-consciousness of the children,
and tried to teach them little about their
senses. They knew that they saw and
heard, but it was a revelation to them that
they saw with eyes and heard with ears
So the lady said to them: "You have
noses; what are they for?" There was a
dead silence, and at last one adventurous
urchln replied: "Please ma'am, to be
wiped"
A FEW months ago, the prophets of a
new religion made their appearance in
Russia, preaching self-destruction by fire
as the only sure road to salvation. So
readily did the ignorant and superstitious
peasantry receive their doctrine, that in
one large village no less than 1.700 persons
assembled in some wooden houses, and,
- 49, 111 IL H.
set the building on fire and persisted in
the flames.
OLIVE LOGAN was asked by an impu-
dent wag, the other day, if it was true, as
the papers report, that she wore fifteen
hundred dollars on her head in the shape
OF hair. "Quite true" replied the gentle
Olive; "and it is also true that wear
twenty thousand dollars in my mouth in
the shape of teeth, and half a million dol
lars in the shape of tongue, to say nothing
of a billion or two of dollars in the shape
Of eyes, ears, and such small deer. And,
to tell the truth, l wouldn't sell out even
at these figures"
THE King of Prussia has reprieved a
murderer sentenced to death. Thereupon
the Pail Nall Gazette INDUCED in some
| pleasant sarcasm: &c 1t would be difficult
| to imagine a case in which the royal
prerogative of mercy could be exercised
with greater propriety. Mr.. Whitman had
| murdered his four wives, one after the
other, and his two children; and the pain
| full position in which he was placed, owing
to these acts of indiscretion being brought
home to him, naturally called forth the
warmest sympathies of all who value the
sacredness of human life"
AN historical roll of bread has come to
light in Vienna. In 1916 the price of
bread had risen to its highest, and the
trolls" of the bakers decreased in size day
by day. One day an actor named Scholz
appeared in the Carl Theatre in kind of
chemisette, which excited general hilarity,
for, instead of being fastened with the
ordinary buttons, a pair of diminutive rolls
baked at that time were used for the pur-
pose. Scholz was punished by the city
authorities for mis- joke. The rolls of 1916,
therefore, have become historical in
Vienna, and one of the identical shirt but
tons has been carefully preserved by an
antiquarian ever since. Not long ago the
city authorities decided to found museum
of antiquities relating to the history of
the city, and called upon the inhabitants
to contribute to the institution. One of
Iuc very ulss ulStOiICdl OUJcClS IcCclfcQ
was Scholz's historical bread roll shirt but
tons, which, however, the authorities re-
turned with the remark that they were
not going to begin a collection Of curiOsi-
ties, but q set of historical archives.
The Protestant " Establishment of Dea-
conesses," in the Rue de Reuiily, in
Paris, was entered recently by burglars
during the night, and robbed of $780,
The Directress received next morning by
the post the following note: Madame;
l am sorry to have caused any annoyance,
but l really wanted some ESQ or e100,
and it occurred to me that should find it
in your house If you had left your keys
on your table l should not have broken
open your secretary. / only took e72,
and left you So. My idea is that shall
return the money with interest about
Easter. And now let me advise you to
beware of the undergrad behind your
establishment. Here is the line of coun-
try took to break into your room; I
crossed the garden, / got on the roof of
the girls school; and from that on that of
the church l entered by the bathroom
window, and thus easily got at your cash
box. / advise you to have a couple of
watch dogs in future in your yard. You
really ought to raise your wall, and have
broken glass stuck on the top. Pray, be-
ieve, Madame La Directrice, that my heart
will ever preserve a pleasant recollection
of my visit to your cash box, and believe
in nv prOfound gratitude"