Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-11-26

a nice young man gives her a better
An unmarried lady at Virden iii
owns seven hundred acres of excel
lent land, which she has paid for b.
teaching school.
An enterprising workman of Vir
ginia City has hung out his sigr
with the inscription Boots Pol
ished inside"
A statistical observer on recent
Sunday morning In London, found
1872 worshippers in IL churches
whose pastors received altogether
G7.O74.
A Boston dentist, who sued man
for $50, 900 for reporting that his wife
died i'm consequence of the admins
tration of nitrous oxyde gas at his of
flee, has recovered one cent. He had
better take his own laughing gas,
They have excluded the Bible
from the public schools i'm Cincin-
natl. The next thing they will do
will be to abolish the dictionary, put
out the gaslights, and move down to
Louisville.-LouisUiAe Courier Jour.
mai.
A lady having tainted at a ball,
some benevolent person began bath
ing her temples with vinegar, upon
which she suddenly started up and
exclaimed, "For heavens sake put
nothing on that will change the col.
or of my hair"
ALAS" said a moralizing bache.
Tor, within earshot of young lady
of the company, "this world is a,
best but gloomy prison! Yes,
sighed the merciless mink. "especi-
ally to the poor creature doomed to
solitary confinement"
A foolish individual attempted
to bride a member of tne New York
Board of Health the ether day with
a ten dollar bill, and was very prop
erly denounced. The Herald says
he ought to have known that a
thousand dollars is tie regular price.
Says the Boston Transcript: "At
a concert given in this city last week
while a well known organist was
playing an illustratory piece-"The
Thunder Stormn--a gentleman in
the audience, carried away by the il.
lusory effect, raised his umbrella
Fact
John G. SAKE, at hotel In the
west the other day. un iertook tc
carve piece of beef which was sc
tough tie carving knife made little
impression upon it. The poet laid
down knife and fork, glanced
around and spoke, Gentlemen, said
he that's an Infringement on Good
years patent"
AS the sun In all It's splendor was
creeping over the eastern hills new
~ married man exclaimed, 1.-THE glo
ry of the world is risingn' His wife
who happened to be getting up al
the moment, taking the compliment
to herself, simpered, "What would
you think, my dear, If I had my
new silk gown on?"
A young lady from the country be-
ing invited to a party, was told BY
her city cousin to fix up and set he
best foot foremost, in order to catch {
beau, "she looked so green in he
country attire" The country las
looked comically into the face of he
rather faded relative, and replied
''better green than withered."
A Democratic orator I'm New Yorl
City, the other evening, declared
that the principles of his party wer,
as 'old as the stars" and as 'un
changing as the MOON" Demoera
cy compared TO the moon is excel
lent. The moon changes twice CIV
cry month. 1t wakes and it wanes
Democracy waned under Buchanan
and it has been "waxedn ever since
Dubuque Times.
A late visitor to Chicago writes t
his home newspaper: 81 went t
hear DIR. Hatfield preach and pra
yesterday afternoon. He praye
that the Lord would remove from
Chicago all intemperance, Sabbath
breaking, RIGHTEOUSNESS, fraud, pro
family, cheating and every form q
vice; aud then l did not hear tn
next few sentences, because I wa
thinking what would be left in Chi
cago." ..-.. ......
There is white steer, aged 81!
years and six months. belonging q
Samuel III. Jones, of Sangamon coun
ty, Illinois, that is six feet, six inch
es high; nine feet six inches il
length; ten feet six inches aroun'
the girth three feet across the hips
and weighs three thousand and siI
hundred pounds. He is cross O
the short horn Duran and the "Pat
ton" stock. The white steer cal
take our socks.
"A Boston shoe manufacturer Is ne
gotiating for a contract 10 emplo.
three hundred convicts i'm the Vir
ginia Penetentiary in the manufact
ure ofboots and shoes. Gov. Wake
has the proposition now under con
sideration. If accepted. the contrac
tor will Immediately invest $4,000
In permanent machinery, and lik
amount In stock.
The Albion Mich Recorder says
1.-THE editor of this paper has gon
eff on an excursion for few days
All good articles, facetious remarks
puns and typographical errors ma
be attributed to his absense. In oil
der to give variety and vigor to Tn
paper, he will frequently leave it fo
a week or so. 1t ID hoped that til
readers of this journal will learn I
appreciate his indeayors."
JEFFEgsoN's FIDDLE.-Thew wife {
rich widow, twenty-three at he
second nuptiaIs. She was Of goo
family, beautiful, accomplished, an
greatly admired. The story wen
that two among the many suitors fo