, 1869-01-29
A wsdaIsr Nlsh. sAlr,.


1t wasn't hardly the fair thing that the
boys did to Joe Thompson, the night he
was married, but the temptation was irresis-
tible. They could not have helped il to save
their lives I'll tell you how il was.
Joe was about the most fancy dressed buck
in town-over nice aud particular-a perfect
Miss Nancy 10 manners, always putting on
airs, and more dainty and modest than
girl Well, when bis wedding day came, he
was dressed trunk empty, aud his pants, es>
pecially, fitted him as candle moulds, aud
his legs candles run into them. Tight was
no name for them. Their set was immense,
and be was prouder than half dozen pea
cocks.
Aren't they nice, boys p be asked of
the two boys who were to be groomsmen and
saw that he threw himself away after the
most approved manner.
Stunning! Gorgeous ? replied Tom Ben
net Never saw equal to them But say
Joe, aren't they the least bit too tightY 1t
strikes me that you will have some difficulty
10 bending, wont you p
'Pshaw, no they are as easy as an old
glove. See ?
To prove the matter, he hent down so as
to touch his patent feathers, when crack,
crAok, followed like twin reports of a revolver
'Thuuder ! exclaimed Joe, as be put his
hand behind aud found rent in the cassi>
mere from stem to stern. Thunder the
pants have burst and what shall do?'
Il should rather think they had answer.
ed Tom, getting purple in the face, as he
endeavored to control his laughter; but
there is no time to get another pair. 1t only
wants half an hour to the standing up time,
and we have got mile to go-carrisge wait
ing too
what shall do, oh what shall I do p
I'm tell you what, if mine would fit, you
should have them and welcome, but they are
about mile too big; aud would set like
shirt on bean pole. 1 see no way but to
have them mended
'Who can get to do it, Tom p
well, | am something OF tailor, and can
fix them so they won't show. Hold on
minute, and I'll get needle and thread?
Gan you 4? May heaven bless you ?
OF with your coat, commanded Tom, as
he came back.
'NOw-lay yourself over on the bed and I'll
fix you in short order
The command was obeyed; the pants
mended the coat tails carefully pinned over,
so as to conceal the distress for rent and
all went merry as a marriage bell until Joe
followed the bride to the nuptial couch.
There was only dim light in The room.
but it enabled Joe, as he glanced bashfully
around, to see the sweetest face in the world,
the rosy cheeks and bright lips, the lovely
and loving blue eyes, and the golden curls
just peeping from out the snowy sheets, and
he extinguished it altogether, and fastened
to disrobe himself. OF came coat, vest,
fancy necktie and collar boots and socks in
a hurry, but somehow the pants stuck. The
more he tried the more they wouldn't
come, and be tugged vainly for half an
hour.
Thunder! muttered Joe
whats the matter, dear p came in the
softest of accents from the bed, where some
body was wondering if he was ever coming,
aud, forgetting his accustomed bashful0ess,
he blurted out:
'Moll, that cursed Tom Bennett has sewed
my pants, drawers, shirt and undershirt all
together =
1T is too bad ! wait a moment, my dear
A little stockingless foot peeped out first
then rufied night dress, the lamp was
lighted, a pair of scissors found, Joe released;
and although he denies it, Tom Beunet
swears that his wedding shirt was of the
shortest possible extent, reasoning pOsteriori.
TREADING TO ONE SIDE.-The Shoe and
Leather Reporter attributes the cause of
persons treading on one side of the foot, to
the iujudicous practice of parents encour>