The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-05-06
Editorial Short StraMs.

John Chnanan chance.
Grant having supplied all his brothers,
uncles and brothers-in-aw with fat Offices, is
now looking round for Cuban relations.
"A Radical editor says that the more he
reads Democratic papers the less he knows
They doubtless have been his daily study.
-Forney thinks the appointment of Long
street doesn't make treason odious." Double
traitors are, or should be odious, to all men
of principle.
The new postmaster of Columbus Miss,
being unpopular, the Sentinel Of that place
advises the citizens to stop their box rents.
A good way of reducing his revenue.
Exchanges state that Charles Dickens,
who recently gave big dinner in London,
will again visit this country in the fall
Well, who cares?
Many of the patriotic Office seekers
complain Of being cleft out in the cold."-
They may yet get to place which they will
find uhcomfortably hot.
There lisa JisA story going the rounds.
1t is said that the Secretary of State has be-
come disgustcd with the scay doings of his
compeers, and intends turning tail.
The N. Y. Herald thinks the Repuhli-
can party is thoroughly demoralized and about
to go to pieces. Certainly-Grant's prayer
was, let us have peace$s)." A patent claim
| ed.
There is blooming female of Tennes-
see aged ia who still rides on horseback.
They have some people out west so old that
they have to lie down in their collins and
| die
Grant has evidently "gone wool gath
ering," and prefers the "ebony and topaz"
of old to the ivory of his own race. What a
dark picture his appointments will present
in the history Of the present era!
The Boston Theological Seminary ad-
vertises to teach, among other sciences, Hail.
enttcs and Kerystatics. Will any one tell us
what kind of sciences these are Probably
they mean free love and misegenation.
There is a man in the county Of Angus
ia whose nose is SO long that he has to step
three PAGES forward to blow it. This beats
the down-easter who is so tall that he is oblig-
ed to mount ladder to put his hat on
They are going to present testimonial
to Stanton-E. NJ. Stanton, the ex-Secreta
ry of War, the Jack Kctch of Mrs Surratt
What shall the device be? A hangman's
moose around the neck of an innocent wo
man.
Ned Buntlinc, the sensation writer who
served period at Bellows Island, New
York, and who has been lecturing on tenn
perance, is now conducting a faro bank
"What's bred ia the bone will never come
out of the flesh"
| 1t is said that our honest Governor Wells
has taken ground in favor Of consolidation
Which means: he intends to consolidate al
! the scallawags, carpetbaggers and niggcrs ir
one heterogeneous mass and hurl them at the
head of the white men.
There will be total eclipse of the sur
on the 9TH August next Congress, in its
great liberality, has appropriated $4,000 Of
the peoples money to defray the expenses Of
observation which will last between two ano
three minutes.
A change in the counting Of the game
of billiards is announced in the New York
papers all caroms are to count three wheth
er on white or black balls The change il
favored by Henry Ward Beccher and Other
noted clcrgymen.
The friends of the Philadelphia negro
Bassett, and the New York negro Fred Doug.
lass are at laggerheads about the nomination
of the former to Hayti. Let them butt each
other as much as they please and make the
wool fly-it will not alter the hue Of affairs
| -Pardee College, Pike county, Mo-
confcrs the degree of NJ. A. (maid of arts,
upon young ladies. The Richmond En-.
quirer says most Of 'em arel made of arts
without going to college. We thought
that it was matrimony that conferred the
degree Of MA.
-'.What's the fare ?" asked an old gent
of the conductor. "Where are you going
to ?" asked the conductor in return. "Te
h" replied the old gent. 'Then," sale
the conductor, "give me twenty-five cents and
get off at Washington"
Mr.. Edmund Quincy Putnam, publish
es letter in the NJ Y. Tribune recommend.
ing the Euerett House to the public. He is
the colorcd gentleman who, with his mamma
was rejected by all the first class hotels in
New York, save the one mentioned Bur
rows, the proprietor, will not be over-rur
| with Southern customers.
The progress of the age is fully exem.
plifed in the fashion market. Fine parasols
| NAV ha had in Now Vork for S000 n n,oco