St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1869-11-05
Putting up StOceS.
a SEASONABLE SUBJECT.

a SEASONABLE SUBJECT.
We do not remember the exact date
of the invention of stoves, but it was
several years ago. Since then mankind
have been tormented, once a year by
ting them up, and getting the pipe
'.iixed" With all our Yankee ingenui
ty, no American has ever invented any
method by which the labor of putting up a
stove can be lessened. The job is now
almost as severe and vcxatious Us human
ity can possibly endure.
Men always put up their stoves on
rainy day. Why, we know not but
we never heard Of an exception 10 the
rule. The first step to be taken Is TO
put on q very old and ragged coat, under
the impression that when the operator
gets his mouth full Of plaster it will keep
his shirt bosom clean. Next, he gcl-
his hand inside the place where the pipe
ought to 90, and blacks his fingers
then he carefully makes a black mark
down one side of his nose. Having got
his face properly marked, the victim
usually ..patcriamilas" is ready to begin
the ceremony.
The head of the family graeps one
side of the bottom OF the stove, and LIS
wife and the hired glrl take hold of the
other side, in this way the stove i starr
ed from the wuul-shcd toward the pax
Ior. Going through the door, the Chief
operator carefully swings his side OF the
stove around and jams his thumb-naiL
against the door-post. Having got the
family comfort" in place, the next
thing is TO find the legs. Two of these
are left inside the stove since the sprlu-
before The other two must be hunted
after Tor twenty minutes. They are
usually found under coal. Then the
head OF the family holds up one side
Of the stove while his wife pat, two OF
the les in place, and next he holI- up
the other side while the other TWO are
fixed. and one of the fg-t two tails out
Bv the time the stove Is on Is -, he
nrt- reckless. aud takes oil h- old coat,
regardless OF his linen.
"PAtcrfauililo" then goes for the pii'a.
and .cts two cinIer> in his eye. 1t dor. I
make any difference how we'll the pipe
wa put lat your II viii always hr
found Il little too short or IA little toe
long. The ''head OF the family" jams hi,
hat over his eyes, and taking a pipe un-
der each arm goes 10 the tin shop IL
have it fixed. When he gets back, he step,
upon one Of the best parlor chairs to sc
il the pipe ti;s, and his wile makes him
srt down for fear he will scratch tn
varni-h of from the chair with the nnia
in his boot heel. In getting down il.
Will surely step on the cat, and may
thank hi- stars that II l. not tile baby
Thea he gets an old chair and climbs
up to the chimney ag;.In, 10 find that II
cutting the pipe oil the end has been LET
too big 10. the hole in the chimney. ),
he goes 10 the wood--hed and splits on'
side OF the end of the pipe with an oil,
AK, and >queezee it i'll his hands TO mak'
il smaller.
The Chief operator at length gets In
pipe in shape, and finds that the stow
does not stand true Then himself an,
his wife and the hired Ylrl move the stov
to the left, and the legs iall out again
Next it is TO be moved to the right
More difficulty now with the lcg-
, Moved to the front little. Elbow u
even with the hole in the chimney, an
the ..head of the family" goes again t
the wood-shcd after some little blocks
, While putting the blocks under the les
the pipe comes out of the chimney. Tha
rcmcdied, the elbow keeps tipping ovcI
to the great alarm of the wife. ''i'atcI
famlias'' gets the dinncr-tablc out, put
: the old chair on it, makes his wife tax
: hold of the chair, and balances him-c
+ Oh it to drive some nails into the ceiling
but in doing this he drops the hammer 0
: his wife's head. AT last he gets the mai
driven, makes a wire swing 10 hold I'll
c pipe, hammers little here, pulls a litti
there, takes long breath, and al
:. nounces the ceremony concluded.
. Job never put up any stoves.
Z would have ruined his reputation ii i
i had. The above programme, with III
important variations, will be carried OF
in many respectable families during Il
o next six wccks.-I tcu UertI
An amusing incident occurred OF
e evening at the mechanics hall during IL
recent state fair in California A tai
foppish looking gent, dressed Ia mod
~ ,.,,,I,,, l. 4 :, .nd r,.tl.rtiu,r Lna,