Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1869-02-09
The Husband in the Kitchen.
A MORSE LEGEND.

A MORSE LEGEND.
Once upon time there was man
so surly and cross that he never thot'
that his wife did anything in the house.
So one evening in hay making time,
he came home, scolding and swearing,
and showing his teeth and making a
dust.
"Dear love, don't be angry, there's
a good man" said his goody; "to-mor-
row, let's change work. I'll 60 with
the mowers and NOW, and you shall
mind the house"
Yes, the husband thought that would
do very well. He was quite willing
he said.
So early next morning his goody
took scythe over her shoulder and
went out into the hay field with the
mowers and began to NOW; but the
man was to mind the house and do
the work at home.
First of all he wanted to churn but
ter, but when he had churned a little
while, got thirsty, and went down to
the cellar to tap barrel of ale. So,
just when be had knocked in the
bung, and was putting the tap into
the cask, he heard the pig come into
the kitchen overhead. Then off he
ran up the cellar stairs, to look after
the pig, lest he should upset the churn.
But when he got up and saw that the
pig had already knocked the churn
over, and stood there roofing and
grunting among the cream which was
running all over the floor, he got SO
wild with rage that he quite forgot
the ale barrel. and ran at the pig as
hard as he could. He caught it too,
just as it ran out of doors, and gave
it such kick that piggy lay for dead
on the spot. Then all at once he re-
membered that he had the tap in his
hand and when he got down to the
cellar every drop of ale had run out
of the cask.
Then he went into the dairy and
found cream enough left to fill the
churn again; and so he began to
churn, for butter they must have for
dinner. When he had churned a bit,
he remembered that the milking COW
was shut up IN the byre, and hadn't
had bit to eat nor a drop to drink
all the morning, though the sun was
high. Then all at once he thought it
was too far to take her to the meadow,
so he'd just get her up on the house
top, for the house, you must know,was
! thatched with sods, and fine crop
of grass was growing there. Now
their house lay close up against a
steep down, and he thought if he laid
plank across to the thatch at the
back, he'd easily get the COW up.
/ But still he couldn't leave the churn
for there was his little babe crawling
about the floor, and if he left it, he
thought, the child was sure to upset
it. So he took the churn on his back
and went out with it; but then be
thought he'd best water the COW be
fore he turned her out on the thatch
so he took up a bucket to draw wat
er out of the well; but "a he stopped
down at the wells brink, all the cream
ran out of the churn over his should
ers and so down into the well.
Now il was near dinner time, anC
he had not even got the butter yet
so he thought he had best boil th,
porridge, and filled the pot with wat
er and hung it over the fire. Whel
he had done that, he thought the Gov
might perhaps fall off the thatch an(
break her legs or neck. So he got ul
on the thatch to tie her up. One enC
of the rope he tied fast to the cow
neck and the other he slipped dow
the chimney, and tied round his owl
thigh; and he began to make haste
for the water now began to boil il
the pot, and he had still to grind th
oatmeal.
So he began to grind away, bu
while he was hard at it, down fell tn
COW off the housetop after all, and a
she fell she dragged the man up tn
chimney by the rope. There he stuc
fast; and as for the cow, she hun
) half way down the wall, swinging be
tween heaven and earth for she coul
neither get up nor down.
And now the goody had waited seV
en- lengths and seven breadths for he
: husband to come and call them HON
5 to dinner; but never call had the
had. AT last she thought she'd wal
ed long enough and went home. B,
i when she got there, and found tt
: COW hanging in such an ugly plac
} she ran up and cut the rope in tw
, with her scythe. But, as she did thi
/. down came her husband out of Il
l. chimney; and so when his old dan
u came inside the kitchen. there 81
found him standing on his head in Il
d porridge pot.
vi.