Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-11-12

Wise and otherwtse-
"Ain't IL wicked to rob this hen
roost, Jim?" "Ah! Bob, that's
great moral question. Hand dow
t'other pullet."
Josh Billings says; "No matte
how much 1 want to fight 1 neve
begin on either mule or a cross
eyed man. Their looks don't adver'
tise clearly when they are going t
hit" e
The hotel now in process of cree
ton at Saratoga is to be the largest il
the world. 10 will be five storie
high, and have frontage of on
thousand and fifty feet.
Tom asked an old "ten- percent.
what he wanted to accumulate 81
much money for. Says he, "yo'
can't take 1t with you when you die
and if could it would melt.
A gentleman once asked, "What Il
woman?" when q married man re
piled: "She is an essay on grace, II
one volume, elegantly bound. AL
though it may be dear, every mar
should have a copy of it,"
Scene i'm front of st. Charles Hotel
New Orleans; Gentleman to diminu
tive bootblack-''Lookout, Johnny
don't disturb my equilibrium" In
fant-"Oh, I know what we means
yez don't want me to black vel
socks"
A card was hung out of little oys
ter shop i'm Sandusky City, Ohio
while the State Sabbath School Con
vention was i'm session in that place
which reads: "Oisters in every still,
cooked to order. Trends of the rede
mer please caul."
At a church fair in San Francisco
game of billiards was played be
tween Elsie Holt and Harry Wall
two theatrical stars. Harry beat Ell
sic, who had habit of jumping th,
balls off the table. She is reported
as a poor player, but it helped the
church.
The following version of an ancient
ditty is circulating as a means of fix
ing Vanderbilt in the juvenile mind
This Is the man the bears have torn,
That married the maiden all forlorn.
That took the Wall street bull by the horn,
That tossed Jim Fisk, that worried Dan Drew,
That loosed the rat that stole the stock,
That lay in the house that Vanderbilt.
Recently lady residing In Boston
had occasion to correct her little girl
and was somewhat astonished anC
amused Il few hours afterward, wher
putting her daughter to bed. AfteI
her usual prayer, she added: "Got
bless good papa, and God bless mann
ma, and make her good mamma.
A knowing traveller out West, wht
had chartered half bed i'm hote
and was determined to have the hes
half, buckled a spur on his heel be
fore turning in. His unfortunat,
sleeping partner bore the iDfiictior
as long as he could, and at last roar
ed out: "Say stranger, if you're &,
gentlemen you'd cut your toe nails.
A young lady contemplating mat
rimony was one morning handed ,
testament by her father, with TIT
leaf turned dSwn at the following
passage: "He who giveth in mar
riage doeth well, but he who givetl
not in marriage doeth better" Sh,
Immediately returned it with til,
following reply written underneath
"Dear father, 1 am content to d.
well, let others do better who can"
Paper petticoats having come int
fashion the following advertisement
thereof appears in England: Mad
anne Percale begs leave to call the at
tention of the ladies about TO visit tn
seaside to her new and richly EN-
broidered pettieoats at one shillin:
each. Each petticoat contains al
instalment of a new novel of grea
domestic interest by Anthony Troll
lope, entitled 'Tucks or frills.' The
story will be complete in fifty week
~ petticoats."
A man was once relating n story OF
Deius ON locomotive that struck q
COW standing ~. the track, and
threw her several yards into the field
where she lit squarely upon her feet
with her head towards the train and
strange to say, she wasn't hurt 9
mite.
"But didn't she look scared ?" in.
quired listener.
"Well, L don't know whether she
was scared or not. hut she looked q
good deal discouraged"
The Hartford Courant Gays: "The
New York Tribune sent here to re.
port the Woman's Convention, q
young girl, Miss Nelly Mackay
Hutchinson, who did her work with
acknowledgement and fidelity, max
ing an animated, bright, and correct
report. She worked faithfully al
most literally night and day, giving
a report also to a New England pa
per. 1t is only fair to say that very
few young men of her age could
have done so well."s
Patrick saw a bull paving in a
field and thought what fun il would
be to jump over catch him by the
horns, and rub his nose i'm the dirt.
The idea was so funny that he layed
down and laughed to think of it,
The more lie thought of it the fun
nier it seemed, and he determined to
do it. Bows quickly tossed him
over the fence again. Somewhat
bruised, Patrick leisurely picked
himself up, with the consolatory re-
Election: Well it's a mighty fine
thing I had my laugh first.
A steamboat captain on one of the
American lakes, was recently feeling
his way along in the dark, when the
lookout ahead cried out: "Schoon-
er without a light" 1t was a mar
row escape, and as the steamer pass.
ed the schooner the captain demand
ed, "What are you doing with your
III. l..