Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1869-01-29
HUMOR-SOME,

Thirsty accountants are classical-they are dry
ads.
How does horse regard a mani As the
source Of all his whoas.
The hen never jokes when she lays her egg.
She Is always in her nest
Why would a baker be good presiding off,
Ger of deliberatiye assembly? Because he
would mould it into proper shape.
Some one says the best way for man to train
up child in the way it should 90, is 70 travel
that way occasionally himself
Sentimentalisrs sing, g Give me cot in the
valley Loves" but persons of a more practical
turn would prefer walnut French belstead.
Young Lady Oh I'm so glad you like
birds; which kind do you admire most - Old
SOUND Well, | think the goose, with plenty
of stufhng, is about good as any
The man who has nothing to do is no better
than the woman who has nothing to wear. Both
are generally very empty-headed sort Of crea-
lures.
There is a sportsman in Michigan 50 lazy that
he put out Of his eyes, the other day, to save
the trouble of winking when he takes aim
The hand without fingers hand Of whist.
What porter is not allowed be drunk The rail-
way porter. musical w(h)ine-An octave Of
port. The beds for printers-sour- posters
s. Have you any good toothpicks, Mr.. Morta-
pOt-something god and also cheap g Yes,
sir; just from the hotel; only been used once;
not bit damaged at the other end Put you
up box. sir,''
The son of the great comedian, Mathews, was
brought up As an architect The father was
once asked what profession the young man was
to follow why" returned the comedian.
' he Is to draw houses, as his father does ="
A lady who had refused an awkward but
wealthy suitor, said TO a friend as he passed
g Look at him Could you marry him, even if
he had = carriage and horses - ''No, indeed. -
replied the other, Sc not if he kept livery Sta
BILE"
Teache--"Come here you young scamp, and
get sounl spanking Scholar-'' \ GU hain't
got no right to spank me, and the copy YOU -et
sez so" Teacher-''I should like to hear YOU
read that copy Scholar (reals) s)-''Let ali the
ends thou aimest at be thy country's''
In Decatur. ILL.,. the other dav. 4 man thought
he had found long piece Of dress goods upon
the pavement He picked up one end Of it aril
commenced wrapping it around his arm. whei.
on looking around the corner he discovered a
lady at the other end quietly talking to a friend
He concluded to abandon his prize
wife, wife, what has become Of the grapes 20
g suppose, my dear, the hens picked them ot %
WAS her moderate reply. &" Hens-hens some
twO-legged hens guess" said her husband.
with some impetuosity; to which she calmiy
replied, My dear, lid You ever ser any other
kind,''
lady OF distinction gave a fancy ball not
long since, and in order to be distinguished
placed servant at the door to announce the
costume as they entered 4 couple Of ladies a..
peared il full ball room dress What costume
shall | announce - asked the servant e. We
are not in costume" they replied 1.-Two ladirs
with costume, " shouted the servant, To the hor-
ror Of everybody.
Homer is supposed to have been the FIRST 20
notice the Grecian bend in the following lines
from the tenth book Of the HAD
10. here the wrrtched A1lm-Iauon stsud-
Ihe. unhappy general OF the GrsciaH bands
Whom Juvr d.cre-s with daily O. 5s-d