Elizabeth daily monitor. [volume] (Elizabeth, N.J.) 1868-1880, 1869-09-04
SIisabsts 9aiIn @opitar,
PUBLISHED AT 1855 BROAD STREET, BY
j. MADISON DRAKE.
MARI TWAIN AT NIAGARA.
IFrsm the Buffalo Express.l

Niagara Falls is one of the finest
structures in the known world Ihave
been visiting this favorite watering
place recently, for the first time. and
was well pleased. A gentleman who
was with me said it was customary to be
disappointed in the Falls, but that SUBJ
Isequent visits were sure to see that all
right. He said it was so with him. He
said that the first time he vent the hack
fares were so much higher than the
Falls that the Falls appeared insignifi-
cant. But that is all regulated now.
The hackmen have been tanned, and
numbered, and placarded, and black
guarded. and brought into Subsection
to the law, and dosed with Moral Prin-
eiple till they are as meek as missiona-
RES. They are divided into two clans,
the Regulators and the Privateers, and
they employ their idle time in warming
the public against each other. The
Regulators are under the hotel ban
ners, and do the legitimate at two dol
lars an hour, and the Privateers prowl
darkly on neutral ground and pick off
stragglers at half price. But there are
no more outrages and extortions. That
sort of thing cured itself. 1t made the
Falls unpopular by getting into the
newspapers, and whenever public evil
achieves that sort of success for itself,
its days are numbered. 1t becomes APP
parent that either the Falls had to be
discontinued or the hackmen had to
subside. They could not damn the
Falls, and so they damned the hack
men. One can be comfortable and
happy there now.
[ drank up most of the American
Fall before [ learned that the waters
were not considered medicinal Why
are people left in ignorance in that
way l might have gone on and ruin
ed fine property merely for the want
of little trifing information.
1 always had a high regard for the
signers Of the Declaration of Independ-
ence, but now they do not really seem
to amount to much alongside the sign
ers at Niagara Falls. TO tell the plain
truth the multitude of signs annoyed
me. 1t was because I noticed at last
that they always happened to prohibit
exactly the very thing was just want
ALl$S w wv l. NtCollCO w iOll OIl bliC
grass; the sign prohibited it. wished
to climb tree; the sign prohibited it.
l longed to smoke; a sign prohibited it.
And was just in the act of throwing a
stone over to astonish and pulverize
such parties as might be picnicking
below; when a sign l have just men
toned forbade that. Even that poor
satisfaction was denied me land | a
friendless orphan). There was no re-
source now but to seek consolation in
the flowing bowl. / drew my flask
from my pocket, but it was all in vain
A sign confronted me which said:
" No drinking allowed on these prem
ises."
On that spot I might have persisted
of thirst, but for the saving words of an
honored maxim, that fitted through
my memory at the critical moment.
"All signs fail in dry time" Com
mon law takes precedence of the stat
utes. [ was saved. f~.s-f
The noble Red Man has always been
friend and darling of mine. I love to
read about him in tales and legions and
romances. I love to read OF his inspir-
ed sagacity; and his love of the wild
free life of mountain and forest; and
his great nobility of character, and his
stately metaphorical manner of speech,
and his chivalrous love for his dusky
maiden; and the picturesque pomp of
his dress and accoutrement. Especially
the picturesque pomp of his dress and
accoutrement. When [ found the shops
at Niagara Falls full of dainty Indian
beadwork, and stunning moccasins, and
equally stunning toy figures represent
ing human beings, who carried their
weapons in holes bored through their
arms and bodies, and had feet shaped
like pie, / was filled with emotion.
knew that now, at last, I was going to
come face to face with the noble Red
Man. A lady clerk in shop told me,
indeed, that all her grand array of
curiosities were made by the Indians
and that there We're plenty about the
Falls, and they were friendly, and it
would not be dangerous to speak to
them. And, sure enough, as [ APP
preached the bridge leading over to
Luna Island, | came upon noble old
Son of the Forest, sitting under tree
diligently at work on a bead reticule
He wore SLOUGH hat and brogans, and
had short, black pipe in his mouth.
Thus does the baneful contact with our.
effeminate civilization dilute the pic
turesqRe pomp which is so natural to
the Indian when far removed from us
in his native haunts. [ addressed the
relic as addressed:
Is the Wawhoo- Wang Wang of the
Wack-a-Wack happy? Does the great
Specified Thunder sigh for the war
path, or is his heart contented with
dreaming of his dusky maiden-the
Pride of the Forest Does the mighty
sachem yearn to drink the blood OF his
enemies, or is he satisfied to make bead
reticules for the papooses of the pale
face? Speak, sublime relic of bygone
grandeur-venerable ruin, speak!''
The relic said:
IAN is it meself, Dennis Hooligan,
that ye'd be takin for a bloody Injin,
ye drawliu', lantern jawed, spider-leg-
ged devil ! By the piper that played
before Moses, I'll ate ye p
[ went away from there.
Bye and bye, in the neighborhood of
the Terrapina Tower, L came upon a
gentle daughter of aborigines, in fringed
and beaded buckskin moccasins and
leggins, seated on bench with her
pretty wares about her She had just
carved out o wooden chief, that had a
| strong family rnsarob lanea tn q olotbae