The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-02-18


CASITBE True ?-It was rumorcd yestc--
day, and the runior vas credited by some
who ought to know, that the immaculate
John c. Underwood was about to resign his
position as Judge of the District court OF Viz
ginia-RichDond Enquirer.
DRINKING The way to increase thirst is
to drink excessively. The more you pour down
the more you want to. Drinking is like love.
both intozicate and lead great many victims
into folly and mons nse.
The Vicksburg " Sentinel . states that Dr.
George B. Peters, who killed General Van
Dorm, has recently been united in the holy
bonds Of matrimony with his former wife,
from whom he was divorced in consequence
of her intimacy, as claimed with General Van
Dorm. Miss. Peters, his daughter, has, in con-
sequence, renowned her design Of becoming
a nun.
Handy Williams (colored) has been found
guilty, in Raleigh, Of placing ladder at the
window and entering the room of two young
ladies Of Wake, who, hearing Williams, made
good the. escape and gave the alarm. VIII
lIams VI. arrested in his attempt to escape
down the ladder
General Wade Hampton says: 4" Y Gu cannot
so on to cotton plantation in Alabama now
without hearing the command Senator, start
right smart to your cotton picking : Judge,
you go aud bring my horse around to the
stoop; or. Colonel, have shoe put on that
mule right along"
A WEST VIRGINIA GIANT-Chauncey
Wild, Of the Kanawha region, in West Viz
giuia. is visiting Cincinnati, is nineteen years
old, seven feet high, and weighs three hund
red and four pounds.
The New York World has discovered that
oysters are aduIterated by soaking them in a
solution of soda, which swels them to very
tempting size. Washington dealers are not
obliged to swell them up in that way
The largest and most powerful fog whistle
in the world is to be put in use on Thatchet's
Island, off Salem. Massachusetts. It is to be
worked by ten horse power engine, and will
be ready about the lst of June
4 young housc-keeper being applied to for
situation by servant girl, she asked, 'swhy
did you leave your last place ?" "Why, you
see ma'am, y replied the girl, II was too good
looking and when l opened the door the gen
tlcmsn always took me for the m:ssis."
A rural contemporary, in an obituary notice
OF friend, says: IL was all that those who
knew him best could wish. "He left behind
blessed memory of seven thousand dollars
in Government bonds" Pathetic and pecu-
MARY!
"A clergyman consoling a widow on the
death of her husband, remarked that she could
not find his equal
: l don't know about that" replied the sob
bing fair one, =" but I'll try"
A lady said to her husband in Jerrold s
presence Ny dear you certainly want somc
new trousers" Now, I think not" replied
the husband. 'Well said Jerrold y Il think
the lady, who always wears them, ought to
know"
The most tender hearted man ever heard of
was shoemaker, who always shut his eyes
and whistled when he ran his awl into sole.
Tho hopping around of a Grecian bend in
ball room reminds one forcibly of kanga-
roo trying to escape the attacks of sand Aeaa.
GA melancholy reflection" The top of a
bald head in a lookin glass.
The man who was filed with emotion
hadn't room for his dinner.
An early spring jumping out Of bed a.
o'clock III the morning.