The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-06-18
dIfit an& 0utttur.

- When is a newspaper the sharp
est? When it is filed.
= How to insure backward spring.
Place a red hot poker to a mans nose.
= The best of friends fall cut.
Our teeth are no exception.
- Let it never be said that when a
man jumps for joy, his delight knows
no bounds.
1t is useles to look for money in
an empty pocket even with the best
bank note detector.
- Why is a fine specimen of writ
Ing like dead pig? Because it is done
with the pen.
- Why is pretty woman called a
toast? Because She is exposed to the
fire of so many glances.
- A widow once said to her daug Oh
ter. "When you are at my age it will
be time enough to dream of husband"
Eyes, for the second tme."
- A late obituary OF woman saws:
"She was married twenty-four years,
and in all that time never once banged
the door,"
- Fame is like a shaved pig with a
creased tail; and it is only after it has
slipped through the hands of some
thousands, that some fellow, by good
luck, holds on to it.
elias your husband got natural
ized?" inquired an energetic politician
of robust female. Got natural eyesI'
was the respond in an Indignant tone:
"yes, be CORA, and natural lathe, too"
"Have you seen my black faced
antelope?" inqired Mr.. Telescope, who
had selection of animals. of his friend
Bottle Jack. mo, haven't. Whom
did your black faced aunt elope with 2"
- show beautiful" said a lady.
not remarkable for cleanliness, sthe
face of nature looks after a showerln
"Yes madam, and so would yours after
under going Il similar process said
satrioal fiiend.
"A woman is like ivy-the mere
You are rlllled the closer she clngs to
you. vile old bachelor adds alvy
is like woman-the more it clings TO
you the more you are ruined" Poor
rule that won't work both ways.
"Rem ember who you are talk
ing to sir !" SAID an indignant parent
to fractions boy, "I'm your father.
sir ~ well, who's to blame for tbatY'
said the young impertinence "saint
me J"
Why do you wink at me, sir?"
sad beautiful young lady, angrily, to
stranger, at party, an evening or
two since. beg your pardon, madam,
replied the wit, | winked as men do
when looking at the sun-your splen-
dor dazzled my eyes.
- George, am going to do some
thing before long that / would like to
f.all l. lNAk ..rtt 1,
is it?' II am intending to marry
Doctor Jones in a few days, and
"Bully tor you, ma! does DR.. Jones
know it,"
- man having cautioned the
pubic not to trust his wife Oh account,
the spirited woman replies, also ITO
the public that she does not know in
the wide, wide world, any one who
would trust him with ten dollars.
- An old bachelor wants to know
if the "comng man" is not a woman.
We answer, ut must be so, z .ato, thou
reasonest well" since they wear hats
and boots and cravats and chokers. pa
per collars, and cuffs with sleeve but
tons about the size of a hens egg.
- \ down-east girl being banter
ed one dag by some OF her female
IittHuN III REGARD 10 Hpr lOVcU VINO mad
the mislortu to have but one leg. re-
piled: "Pooh. | wouldn't have man
with two le2s-they are too common !"
- French mayor wished to be
very amiable toward a Duchess who
was one-eyed, and IN making ont her
passport wrote as follows - ayes
dark, beautiful, soft, full of expression
one Of them being absent"
- count"yman sends the follow
ing to the Cincinnati Enquirer: "A
Radical is compound. uncOnstitutIon-
al noun black in person, African in
gender. desperate in case and is gov
crned by negroes under partizan rule,
as one ignoramus governs anosher."
- links tells a good story of
man on Mississippi steamer who was
questioned by a Yankee. The gentle
man, to humor the fellow, replied TO all
the questions ai9htforwardly until
the inqulsitor was fairly puzzled tor
an lLterrogatory. At last he inquired:
"Look here, Squire-where was yeou
born? Il was born said the victim in
Boston, fremont Street. No A, left
hand side on the 1st OF August, 1920, at
B O'Clock in the afternoon, physician,
DR.. Warren nurse, Sally Benjamin.
Yankee was answered completely.
For a moment he was stuck. Soon,
however, his face frightened, and he
quickly sqid Yeas; wall, / calculate
yon don't rGcolect whether it was