Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1869-08-07
Witty Remains of Artemus Ward

We extract the following from a
new book, just issued, entitled Car
temus Wards Panorama, as exhibit
ed in the Egyptian Hall, London :"
CHS ARTISTIC CAREER.
Il could draw on wood at q very
tender age. Wheu II mere child, 1
once drew small cart-Ioad of raw
Lurnilis over Il wooden bridge. The
people of the Village noticed me. |
drew their attention. They said |
had future before me. Up To that
time l had an idea il WAS behind me.
Time passed on. 1t always does,
hy the way: You may possibly
have noticed that time always does.
1t ~ Il kind of way time has.
II became II man. L haven't dis
tingulshed myself more or less mix
ea up with art. 1 have an uncle
who takes photographs, and / have
servant who-takes anything he
gets his hands on.
his MUSICAL IDEAS.
II like music. | can't sing. Asa
singiSt l am not success. I am
saddest when l sing. SO are those
who hear Ine. They are sadder even
than | am.
The other night, some silly-voic-
ed young men came under my win
dow and sang, Come where my love
lies dreaming l didn't go. | didn't
think it would be correct.
81 found music very soothing
when l lay i'll with fever in Utah
and | was very i'll l was fearfuliy
wasted. My face was hewn down to
nothing, and my nose was so sharp
didn't dare to stick it into other
peoples business-for fear it would
stay there and / should never get it
again. And in those dismal days a
Norman lady-she was married,
though not SO much SO as her hus-
band, he had fifteen other wives
she used to sing ballad commence
ing, Sweet bird, do not fly away,
and 1 told her / wouldn't. She
played the ACCORDION divinely-ac-
cordeonly praise her
"THE STEAMER ARIEL.
81 went toCalifornia on the steam
eriAriel. This is the steamer Ariel.
"Oblige me by calmly gazing on
the steamer Ariel and when YOU
go to California, be sure and go on
some other steamer, because the
Ariel ism t very good one.n
THE PICTURE OF THE GREAT
DESERT.
"This picture is great work of
art. 1t is an oil painting done in
petroleum. 1t was the last thing
they did before dying. They did
this and then they expired.
The most celebrated artists of
London are delighted with this
picture that they come to the hall
every day TO gaze at il. | wish you
Wee nearer 10 lt-so you could see
II oetter. | wish | could take it To
your residences and let YOU see il by
daylight. Some of the greatest ar
lists come here every morning be-
fore daylight, with lanterns, TO look
at it. They say they never saw any
thing like it beforehand they hope
they never shall again.
when | first showed this picture
IN New York, the audience were SD
enthusiastic in their admiration of
this picture that they called for the
artist-and when he appeared they
threw brick bats at him.
"RRIGITAAI YOUNG.
brigham Young has two hun
dred wives. Just think of that.
Oblige me by thinking OF that. That
Is, he has eighty actual wives and
he ~ spiritually married to one hun
dred ana twenty more. So we may
say he has two hundred wives. He
lives no wisely, hut two hundred well.
He Is drea,ifully married. He's the
most married man | ever saw III my
life.
81 saw his mother-in-law while
was there. | can't exactly tell you
how many there is of her, hut it's IA
good deal. 1t strikes me that one
mother-in-law is about enough to
have in one family-unless you're
very fond OF excitement.
"MORMON PROSELYTIsM.
81 regret to say that efforts were
made Ia make a Mormon of me while
| WAS III [ tah.
at was leap year when | was
there, and seventeen young widows,
the wives of a deceased Mormon,
Offered me their hearts and hands.
called on them one day, and, taking
their soft white hands in mine, which
made eighteen hands altogether, /
found them in tears.
And | said Why is thus ?
What is the reason of this tiIusness -
They heave sigh, seventeen
sighs OF different size, They said
oh! soon thou wilt be goncsted
awayn
II told them that " hen got ready
To leave place, | wentested.
They said Doth not like Us -
Il said Il doth, | doth
Il also said Il hope your inten-
dons are honorable, a. / am a lone
child, my parents being far, far
away
"They then said Wilt not marry
us -
Il said: oh no 1t cannot was
y gain they asked me to marry
them, and again / declined, when
they cried
oh !cruel man this is too much
Oh too much =
Il told them that il was on ac-
count OF the muchness tina | de-
cliued.
"BRIGHAM YoUSG'S FAMILY.
1.-The last picture | have to show
you represents Mr. Brigham Young
IN the bosom of his family. His
family is large, and the olive branch
es al ound his table are in a very
tangled condition. He is more a
father than any man | know of.
When at home-as YOU here see him
he ought 10 be very happy, with
sixty wives To minister 10 his COM
forts, and twice sixty children to
soothe his distracted mind. Ah,|
my friends, what is home without a
family ,"
James A. Williams, colcred
man, while cleaning windows in
oung's hotel, at Boston, lately, fell
and was fatally injured, surviving
only two hours He Was faruueriy "a