The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1869-09-23
MARK TWAIN AND THE IN
DAMS
His Experience at Saratoga with the
Noble Red Mamie Finds that they
Come from Limerick, and is Thrown
Over Horseshoe Fall.


dams at Niagria with queer results. After
giving an account of interviewing a squaw
and full grown warrior, with dlssatlstac
ton, he says:
[ made one more attempt to fraternlze
with them and only one. | came upon
camp of them gathered in the shade OF a
great tree, making wampum and moccaslns,
and addressed them in the language CT
friendship.
''Noble red m IN, braves, grand achems,
war chiefs squaws, and high you muck a
muchs, the pale face from the land of the
setting sun greets you You, Benefcent
Polecat-you, Devourer of Mountains
you, Roaring Thundergust-you, Bulley
boy with Glass Eye-the pae>face from
beyond the great waters greets you all
War and pestilence have thInned your
ranks and destroyed your nation. Pokesev-
en- up, and vain modern expense for soap
unknown to your glorious ancestors have
depleted your purses. Appropriating in
your simplicity the prosperity of others
has cotton you into trouble. Misrepresen
ting facts, in your sinless innocence, has
damaged your reputation with the sOuIless
usurper Trading for forty rod whisky, to
enable You to get drunk and happy and
tomahawk your families, has played the
everlasting mischief with the picturesque
pomp of your dress, and here you are
in Il bread light of the nine eenth centurys
gotten up like the ragtag and bobtail or
the purieus Of New York For shame
Remember your ancestors Recall their
mighty deeds Remember uncas !-and
Red ia ket and Hole in>the-Day land
Horace Greeley Emulate their achieve
mcnts unfurl yourselves under my banner
noble savages, illustrious guttersnipes--'
"Down wid him -
Scoop the blagyard y
Hang him i
Burn him
'Dhrownd him -
1t was the quickest operation that ever
was. | simply saw a sudden fash in the
air of clubs, brickbats, fists, bead baskets
and m0cca,ins-a single fash, and they all
appeared to hit NE at once, aud two OF
| them in the same place. In the hex IN
slant the entire tribe was upon me. They
broke my arms and legs, they gave me
thump that dented the top Of my boot, till
| it would cafe like a saucer; aud to crown
/ their disgracctul proceedings and add insult
! to injury, they threw me over Ii rsesh0e
/ all, and | get wet.
About 90 or 100 feet from the top, the
remains CT my vest caugh on projecting
! rock, and | was almost drowned before |
&C uld get loose. | finally fell, and brought
| up IN world Of white foam at the foot OF
tie fall, whose celied ana hubby masses
lowered up several inches above my head.
| OF co rise | got into the eddy | sailed
round AMI 10 nd it A times chasing
chip and gaining on teach round trip
ha miic-reaching for the same bush on
the ank IL times, j s. exactly missing 1t
/ by hairs breath every time. At last a
N n walked down ana sat down close to
thai bush, and put pipe in his mouth,
and lit match, and followed me with one
| e, e and Kept the other on The match while
| he sheltered it IN his hands from the wind.
| Presently puff OF wind blew it out. The
next time | swept around he said:
':Got a match?
y in my other vest. Hip nae out,
please.
Not for Joe"
When came around again I said:
"EIcuse the seemingly impertlntnt curl
osity of a drowning man, bat will you ex
| plain this singular conduct Of yours p
with pleasure. | am the coroner =
| Don't hurry on ny account. | can wait for
| said: Take my place, and II go nd
Scl u vu1'
H. de lined. This lack of clDfd ne on
his Iart created a GOODNESS he ween US, and
from that time forward avoided him. 1t
was my idea, in case anything happened TO
me, to 50 time the occurrence as to throw
my custom into the hands of the opposition
coroner over on the American side. At
last policeman came along and arrested
me for disturbing the peace By yelling at
people on the shore for help. The Judge
/ fined me, but had the advantage of him.
Ny money was with my pantaloons, an
my pan ao0ns were with the Indians.
Thus escaped. | am now lying in a
very critical condition. At least, [ am ~
ing, airy way-critical OF not critical.
am hurt all over, but cannot tell the
| full extent yet, because the doctor is not
done taking the inventory. He viii make
out my manifest this evening. However,
thus far, he thinks only six of my wounds
are fatal. | don't mind the others. Upon
rcgaining my right mind, [ said: 1T is
an awful savage tribe of Indians that do
the bead work and moccasins for Niagara
Falls, doctor. Where are they trom?'
Limerick my son.
| shall not be able to finish my remarks
about Niagara Falls until | get better.