The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1869-09-30
WHOLE NO. 1867.
Sp1iMterS.

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A greeting to melancholy pig
Pork-you.pIne.
An Irishman says be can see no rea-
son why women cannot become medi-
cal men.
Pat, oD introducing his English
friend into row, said "Wheriver ys
sees a head, hit"
Why was Pharaoh's daughter like
broker' Because she got lttle prophet
from the rushes on the banks
81 know by little what great deal
means" as the gander said when he
saw the tip of fox's tail sticking out
of hollow tree.
An old lady was asked what she
thought of the eclipse. She replied
"Well, it proved one thing, and that is
that the papers don't always tell lies"
Husband: "Confound the hair oil,
how it sticks" Wife: "Oh, Harry.
that is not the hair oil--it must be the
baby's soothing syrup"
The proprietor of Boston bone mill
adyertises that "persons sending their
own bones to be ground will be attend.
ed with punctuality and dispatch"
In Indiana, it is said, they have q
dog that will van his paws over the
keys of piano and howl. That's about
as much as most of the modern perform
ers upon the piano can do.
"Papa, what is humbug9" Otis"
replied papa, "when mamma preteudS
to be very fond of me, and puts no but
tons on my shirt till reminded of it q
dozen times"
Sammy. run to the store, and get
some sugar" Excuse me, ma; I'm
somewhat indispOsed this morning.
Send father, and tell him to bring q
paper of tobacco along"
"The blessed man that preached for
us last Sunday" said Mrs. Partington,
Served the Lord for thirty years
first as circus-rider, then as a locust
preacher, and last as an exhauster."
For unadalterated economy COM
mend as to the German. Give him 8
salary of forty cents per diem, and in
ten years he will own brick block, .
fat horse, nine children, and a vrow
broader than she is long, and as good
natured as a blind kitten.
Imaginashun, tew mutch indulged
in, soon is tortured into reality; this is
one way that good hoss thieves are
made; man leans over a fence all day,
and imagines the boss belongs tew him,
and sure enuff, the fust dark night, the
hoss does. ...I- 40
A physician at Cape May, walking
out with friend of his, said to him:
"Let us avoid that pretty little woman
you see there on the left. She knows
me, and casts on me looks of indigna-
tion. ! attended her husband. "Ah!
l see you had the misfortune to dis
patch him." "On the contrary" re-
piled the doctor, ~ saved him."
Said a male advocate of woman's
rights: When l am in a crowded car,
and lady comes in, think it is the
duty of some other man to get up and
give her his seat. look around the
car to see if any man in the crowd
looks like making move in that di-
rection, and when l see them all keep
their seats, / hide my face behind my
newspaper, and blush for my sex.
A minister at rural wedding, hav-
ing arrived at the point in the ceremO-
ny when it is customary to call on any
to the proceedings to "speak
now," was astOnished by husky note
of protest issuing from a corner. OF
course all eyes Instantly turned in that
when a lean, hungry looking
man, six feet high, emerged from the
crowd, holding his handkerchief over
his face, and blubbering "Why do
you object" asked the parson. "Case-
case, sir, 1-I-want 'er for myself, l do"