The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-12-03
dIrit ans Dntt.nr .

dG It attn Ontttnr.
- The devil Is busy about careless
bearers as the fowls of the air in pick
ing up seeds, above ground.
- Blessed are they that do not adj
vertise, for they are not bothered with
customers.
IF you don't know man very
well, loan him money and then call at
his house for pay, and you will proba
bly, find him out.
-. A country boy who had heard of
sailorr heaving up anchors, wanted 20
know if iG WAS sea-sickness that made
then do 1t.
- "Come here, Tommy" said a
schoolmaster, do you know your A
C's?"
Eyes, sur, know bee sees"
- 1t is said that the finest enter
taiment one can enjoy at a feast is to
see bun dance (abundance) on the
table.
- Dickens in speaking of friend,
says he was so long III the legs that he
somebody else.
- A California publisher told Mark
Twain when he wrote his first article,
that hadn't brains enough to keep
mule going straight in ten-acre lot.
- An Englishman paying an Irish
shoe-black with rudeness, the dirty ur-
chm said; my honey all the polish
you have is upon your boots, and | gave
you that
- A little boy having broke his
rocking horse the day it was bought, his
mamma began to scold, when he silenc-
ed her by enquiring: s,What is the
good of q boss till It's broke ?"
"A Irishman on boad vessel
when she was on the point OF founder
ing being desired to come on deck, as
she was going down, replied that he
had no wish to see himself drowned
WHAT are you burning off my
writing table sonny p said AN author 10
his six-year-old. "Only the paper
that's written all over, papa; l hain't
touched the clean"
- A Pennsylvania farmer writes to
his country paper that he cured his
daughters the Grecan Bend by pour
ing water on her and holding her out
Ill the sun until she warped back again.
- There is man down east, rather
facetious fellow, whose name is New.
lie named his first child Something, AS
1t was something new.
His next child was called Not ling, it
being nothing new.
- Here is an epitaph found on
tombstone not long since
Beneath this stone, a lump OF clay,
Lies Isabella Young.
Who, on the twenty fourth of May,
Began to hold her tongue"
- A lady at her marriage, request
ed the clergyman to give out to be sung
by the choir the hymn commencing
"This is the man long have sought,
And mourned because l found him not"
-. An old lady, sleeping during di-
vine service, in church in Liverpool,
let fall her Bible, with clasps to it; and
the noise partly waking her, she ex-
claimed aloud -"wfat ! have you broke
another jig, Georgiana, have you?''
- A man in Hartford advertised
recently that on receipt of a certain
sum he would by return mail instruct
any applicant how to make fortune.
His directions were:
s'Peddle cigars, half Havana and half
home made, as did and always be
ready to pick up stray chicken"
-A transcendenta! preacher took
for his text, "FeeJ my lambs.' A plain
farmer very quietly remarked to him,
on coming out OF the church, "a very
good text, sir but you should take care
not to put the hay so high in the rack
that the lambs can't reach it,"
- An exchange paper has the fol-
lowing: sit is said that there are
more editors unmarried than any 9TH
er class OF professional men," For the
reason we suppose, that the majority of
them are men of fine sentiment, and
do not wish to starve anybody's sister.
- Occasionally, whei. the train ar
rives at Middlctown nice young man
Jumps off and kisses the best looking
girl at the depot, supposlog it to be his
sister. He apologies so nicely that the
girls are getting so they look for him
regularly Some big brother will jam
his nose yet.
- A quaint writer says: IL have
seen women SO delicate that they were
afraid to ride for fear Of the horse run
ming away; afraid to walk for fear the
dew might fall; afraid to sail for fear
the boat might upset; but never saw
one afraid to be married, which is more
riskiul than all the others put togeth-
err"
- Let newspaper men glorify Miss
Lucy Lee, who announces in one OF the
organs of public opinion in Mississippi
that she sis of good birth and education
and is willing to marry an editor, be-
lieving herself able TO support one"
A sublime combination of confidence
and pluck -
- A gentleman was praising the
beautiful hair OF a lady, when one of
those terrible children whom ProvI-
denee seems to have sent on earth as
scourges of hypocrisy and falsehood
exclaimed, any hair would be as hand
some as momma's if she'd lee Inc take
as much care of 1t as she takes of hers.
Mamma never sleeps in her hair, but
always puts it away III the wardrobe
before she gees to bed.