The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1869-09-30
JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS.
LOBSTER SALAD.

A SANDER iz like hornet, if yu
kant kill it dead the fust bio, WI better
not strike Tit.
Politeness il a shrewd way folks has
ov fattering themselvs.
make the distinkshun between
charakter and reputashun-reputa-
shun IL what the world thinks oy us,
character is what the world knows
ov us.
What ridiciIus fare it il to be con-
tinually on the hunt for peace and
quiet,
No man ever yet increased his rep
utashun by eontradicting lies.
Anxiety alwus steps on itself.
Silence, like darkness, is generally
safe.
There is only two things that kno
ov that man wont brag ov, one il
heing, and luther IL jealousy. r,~
1t takes branes tew make smart
man, but good luck OTTER makes ia
nous one.
Opinyuns are like other vegetables,
worth just what they will fetch.
l think most men had rather be
charged with malice than with max
ing blunder. is .l.fla ssEE
Love cuts up all sorts of monkey
shines; it makes fool sober, and q
wize man frisky.
/ don't believe in total depravity {;
every man haZ sumthing in him to
show that God made him.
| suppose that the reason why the
"road to ruin iz broad, is tew ac-
commodate the CRATE amount ov trav-
ell in that direcshun.
/ think j had rather hear man brag
about himself, than to hear him brag
all the time ov some one else-for j
think like vanity ieetle better than
do sickofancy. rs vls4si.-z
A humbug is like bladder, good
for nothing till it il blowed up, and
then amt good for nothing after it IL
picked.
A bigg neze il sed tew be sign ov
genious-if mans genius lays in his
noze, i should say the sign waz good
one.
Vanity liz seldom malishous.
A woman Qike an echo), will hav
the last word.
Put an Englishman into the garden
of Eden, and he would find fault with
the whole blasted consarn-put a
Yankee in, and he would see where he
could alter it to advantage-put an
Irishman in, and he would want tew
boss the thing-put Dutchman in,
and he would proceed at once to plant
cabbage. --
When man is squandering hiz es-
tate, even those who are getting it,
cali him phool. ~
Man m ntIpD for xuhot fhoxy hnu loek
-wimmin for what they havn't got.
judge ov mans virtew entirely
by his pashions-it is crate deal ea-
zier tew be good dove than a decent
sarpent.
Thare are NANNY WAYS to find out
how brave and how honest a man
may be, but thare ant no way to find
out the extent ov his vanity.
A lie IL like cat, it never comes to
yu in straight line.
Nature liz kind mother. She
couldn't well afford to make us per-
feet, and so she made us blind to our
failings. s<
Study the heart if yu want to learn
human nature; there amt no human
natur in mans head.
Friendship IL simply the gallantry
VI SeIl-luIef6SC.
Beware ov the man with half-shut
eyes-he amt dreaming.
Experience makes more timid men
than it duz wise ones.
Advice is drug in, the market; the
supply alwus exceeds the demand.
One of the safest and most success
full tallants kno oY liz to be q good
listener.
Fools are the whet-stones ov So
ciety.
Better make weak man your ene-
my than your friend.
Curiosity IL the instinct ov wisdom.
Thoze who becum disgusted and
withdraw from the world, mustn't
forgit one thing, that the world will
forget them long time before they
will forget the world.
Put man down (for me) az vain
and selfish critter, all his talk and ac-
shuns to the contrary, notwithstand-
ing. nevertheless, to wit, verify, amen
Wise men laff every good chance
they can git. Lafing il only q weak.
ness in phools.
Civ the world credit for CRATE
deal more honesty than it can show
Whenever find real handsum Wo.
man engaged in the "wimmins
rights dizziness, then am going te
take mi hat under my arm and jint
the procession. ats}
Gratitude is debt, and like all 9th
er debts, il paid bekause we are OBJ
iged to, not bekauze we love to.
Praize that amt deserved liz no bet
ter than SANDER.
Thare il three kinds of phools il
this world, the natural ones, the com
mon, every day phool, and the daghn
phool. -2N