Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1869-01-22

II HIS no uOuDA So'lC piOfNth "
since Adam introduced the thing as their
marriage certificate, excepted Gy nObndy, and
witnessed by nobody else, would now be of
no more binding force on parties of either
part than A. Johnsons cath is on his actions
nor Prove any link or stronger tie TO bind
couples together than the marriage VOW of a
Chicago " drummer"
Matrim ny is almost as varied in its appli-
cation and destiny as the Money witho out the
Maitland much in the same ways:
- How widely its agences varyi
To save. to ruin, 10 curse to bless,
Stolen, borrowed, squandered, daled,
Good or bad q thousand fold !"
1t is really bully good Il ing to have in
some fun lies,-whils yet in others it is much
as The Irish Chaplain descr bed his regiment ::
" They re nearly HI in a fight - Howev-
er, until bic opinion ideally clang :, it
III never do to abolish the system ely be-
cause about halt the firms embarking in the
business come TO the ultimate conclusion that
they'd b Ter have J arm some other trade
lot much, it WON'T If you believe twoHld
Just consider what a terrible state Of non-tn-
tity 'twould have knocked both OF you into
ii your apce TORS had all been S a'rrs, who
never are married nor are given ia marriage,
nor do anything of the kind Unit the ge-
nus Man again resolves itself into the nature
of the fungus Adam found himself on his
atal day, never let me hear of your advoca-
ting the abolition of matrimnny. Soch "A
freak as that in You would be one o. the dog
ma | couldn't well have in my house; not
withstanding, am compelled to admit that
'twOuld have been money in my pocket it my
whole string Of ancestry had abrogated he
plan, and practiced accordingly. King Solo
mon and Brigham Young are referred to as
the stiffest advocates. in ancient and modern
times respectively, of the matrimonial plan
in all its multiform FORMS and none of its re-
forms. But believe that if the maxim be
true that 9 too much learning makes men
mad" | can invent another equally true
viz, as follows, to-wit, namely. thus too
much matrimony will make most any decent
woman madden If any man, having one
doubts it, let him try it and see. Madder
you Just bet they II be madder than seven
devils bitten by seventy dogs with hydlopho-
bia Although | advocate matlinony, I'm
neither SO conservative as Solomon nor radi-
cal as Brigham Young, or those Railroad
conductors having
A LITTLE house well-Glled"
at each end o their routes, in regard 10 The
matter, don't believe in stopping over in it
Matrimony may be divided (aud often isl
into several paris, or heads In Chicago and
Indiana the courts also do a brisk business at
dividing it with a judicial sccpter; and even
Judges up here in Badgerdum are getting Ia
sla>hing in twain the links that have hereto
forclv bound cruel and inconstant Mr. Matl-
mony TO injured and neglected Mrs. Matri-
mony, with Judicial celebrity, indicating
that il anybody doesn't like it after trying
they oughtnt 10 be compelled to play it.
Matrimony in high life differs from demo-
cratic matrimony in this That your royal
blooded matches are mostly made by the old
folks And in this country, where money is
about as sure to make the gal go as it inyaria-
bly, makes the mare bulge. whether she is
lame or not. many a sordid sutton is joined to
a loaihing mate because of a financial policy,
10 join 5-2Os to 1905, in accordance with
the laws of trade, instead of joining hearts
which never break-except with breaking
banks;
"And the pIim rarson joins their wi ling hands,
To marry city lots to Western lands;
Or, in connubial ecstacy to mix
Cash and collateral, TEMPER cents with six
But, the ordinary democratic ma:rmony
usually is the result of the elimination of IA
property in humanity and humanity known
as Lore; which property when experienced,
or manifested, or womanfested on huboyiiy
and hugirlity as it often is, affects the patient
like wInd-colic. Its first symptoms are loss of
appetite and inspiring poetry inscribed toeye-
brows. The maxim shows that if it is true,
it doesn't run smooth. And by the same to,
ken l infer that if it's lie. it runs slick as
grease. Whe'r'no, it is pretty sure to result
in matrimony, and too often. tough not al
ways. ooze ont by degrees. until both parties
to the contract sigh as Solomon did about the
same thing; Vanity of vanites it's all
dern'd nonsense!
Boys BTGED counsels YOU TO commit it
You may, both of you, immortalize your
names by doing editor. as am doing by do
ing contributor. And then again. rou may
toll years pom years in sanetum trials, and
peg-out and be forgotten within a generation
Especially if you don't keep bound volumes
of our files.
"You may dream OF POLITICAL fame,
But your wishes may chanc. TO miscarry,--
The best way of sending your names
To posterity, boys, is to marry
A nd you ought to be willing to own,
After sobcrly thinking upon it,
You'd very much rather b. known
For beautiful son than sonnet
Then, boys. be persuaded TO we'd
For sensible fellows like you,
It's high time to think of bed
And board and fxin's and things for two:
So have done with your doubt and delaying
For, wi b souls adapted to mng!e,
Your read rs will surely be saying
lis singular you should be single -
Don't search for an angel-yon'd muss her
feathers. surely. and then she'd be the deuce.
after all. Bet you two dollars you re each of
you got a girl in your eye bigger than BEAM
that you ought TO have in your arms. Don't
talk about other fish to fry. she. this girl
that is 1T an angel or she'd never consent TO
be marching with you--this girl apiece you
have i'm your ewes can lust heat won all To