Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-03-12
Wise and Otherwise.

A dishonest employee Mt the Bill
lings House, Keokuk, robbed a guest
the other day of $4,000.
Senator Wade announces his re-
tirement from public life. He will
accept Of no position.
A man In Cincinnati advertises for
situation. He says: "Work not
so much an object as good wages"
A celebrated writer says: "If you
want enemies, excel others; if you
want friends, let others excel YOU"
Andy wants Grant to keep "within
the pale of the Constitution" Andy
has always confined himself TO the
Constitution.
The Tiffin (Ohio) Tribune suggests
that parties addicted to snoring
should wear clothes-pins on their
noses while sleeping.
1t IL estimated that the coal fields
of the Des Moines river, in the vicin-
ity OF Fort Dodge, will yield 10000
of good coal to the acre.
A broker lately attempted to adj
vertise "Stocks Wanted" but the
over-intelligent compositor made him
advertise "Stocks Watcred."
A music seller was lately overpow-
cred by fastidious young lady, who
wanted to purchase "Mr. Hoods song
of a gentleman's undergarment."
A bohemian wrote an article en-
titled How Miss Hosmer got her
start" and a careless printer set 1t up:
How Miss Hosmer got her Shirt"
President Grant has given a benevo-
lent society tho exclusive right to
publish for its benefit fac SMILES of
his certificate Of election, which are
already for sale.
The homely young men of Des
Moines are importing pretty Mt.
Pleasant girls for wives---thereby es-
tablishing happier equilibrium of
form and feature.
A learner of the velocipede in Gin
cinnati rode his machine through
hatchway, and was prScipitated to
the cellar of four story building.
Death is thought probable.
Billings says: "Whcn youth
aint good for anything else, like
tew see him carry a gold-headed cane.
If he can't buy cane, let him part
his hair In the middle"
after Suffrage, What?" was the
subject of a lecture recently given in
Charlottesville, Ind, by Miss Lizzie
Boynton. She received rhe answer
by express-a pair of trousers, O
jacket and dull razor.
A talented cow in August county,
Virginia, es.squirrels and bellows
until somebody comes and shoots
them. She heard one Of Anna Dick
inson's lectures, and is determined
not to be confined to the monotonous
duty of giving milk.
A French Mayor, who wished to be
very amiable towards q Duchess,
who was one-eyed, in making out
her passport, wrote as follows: Eyes
dark, beautiful, soft, full of express
sion--onc Of them absent" This is
surely the triumph Of courtesy.
A young couple in Rockport Maine,
while counting walked out arm in
arm, and fell through a hole in the
sidewalk, each breaking leg. Their
fall proved "lift" to them, and set
them up In the world-s jury award
ing Thorn o verdict of 81, 900 against
the town.
Advertising ingenuity has left lit
tie room for novelty, but a merchant
III ~ z" al N ANs - - u0o ShoAiCh5Su az
tention by leaving his space entirely
blank, with the following note in
fine print ut the bottom: This
space was sold to a. L. Brennan, but
as his business Is sufficiently lively
already, he declines to use it,"
CooL.-About two o'clock on De-
cember night, when the thermometer
stood in the neighborhood Of zero, a
party Of wags hailed farmhouse in
a very boisterous manner. The farm.
er sprang out of his bed, drew on q
few articles of clothing, and ran out
to see what was wanted, when the
following interesting dialogue occur
red:
"Have you any hay, Mr.. -"
"Plenty of it, SIR"
"Plenty Of corn ?"
eyes"
"Any oats ?"
Eyes"