Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-05-07
E.stfai
HumOr.s
3 III -

With their babies, think1usf so.s54s 52'ta'
fi'5.ts'' - HumOr.sa II 81 .s1ogas 20.
Never cross a bridge before you come to
it; this will save half the troubles Of life.
s.Dis cord am horrible" as the musical
niger said when he was about to, be hung.
The young ladies' down east complain that
the young men. are, SO. poor they. can't pay
their addresses! 1000
Always catch . lady when she faints. but
do not rumple her hair it makes her come.
to, before she is fairly ready. Ai4lga .AAAii
An Irishman complaiuedsto his physician
that lie stuffed him SO much with drugs. that
he was sick a long time after he got well. q
An old lady hearing somebody say the
mails were very irregular said at was
just SO in my young dsys--noss trusting any
of'em." F. @@ ,1oyes
An old bachelor seeing the words ''fami-
lies supplied" over the door Of a shop stepped
in and said he would take a wife and two
children. E1AJ1ao0Q
A Boston paper says they drive their ve-
locipedes SO fast in the streets OF that city
that every collision results in the total dis
appearance Of both riders and machines
No fragments are ever found. 93d aiisl;.Ds
"A Western editor knows Of . little Sum
day School girl, who, being asked by the
catechiser, What is the outward visible
sign or form in baptism ?" i%nnocently replied,
.'Please, sir. the baby 49, '-a-@g
Lord Norbury, having been asked to con:
tribute a shilling to bury an attorney who
had died poor, exclaimed, only a shilling
to bury an attorney! Here's . guinea go.
and bury twenty.on Of them p 1aa
A short man became attached to- tall
woman, and somebody said he had fallen in
love with her. .t'Doa you call it falling in
love 2" said the suitor; ''It,s more like
climbing up TO it, ~ ussag
A newspaper in Oregon publishes mar
riages under the heading, "Fixed to Stay"
A friend at our elbow suggests that, in Chi
cago, the proper title for marriage notices
would be ''Nix for Stay"
KNOWING BoY.-.Willa asked old s.ten-per-
cent what he wanted to accumulate so
much money for. Says, he: You can't
take it with you when you die, and if you
could 1t aoould melt, or burn up."
An exchange, in speaking Of the magical
strains Of a hand organ, says: when be
played old Dog Tray we noticed eleven
pups sitting in front Of the machine on their
launches, brushing the tears from their eyes
with their fore pawr." Z IOE
There is a man in Culpeper SO mean that
he buttons his shirt with waters. He is, the
same old gentleman who looks at his money
through . magnifying glass. By this means,
he says, a quarter looks as, good as a half a
dollar.
.4. ~ - rsyfz as;}s2.r8 1aig5iEsal
gentleman who was rather impatient al
table declared that he wished he could man
age without servants, as they were a grea-
ter plague than profit. ..Why not have
dumb walters p suggested a friend. "Oh,
no" returned the other, II have tried them
they don't answey."
Probably the most contented postmaster
in the world lives at Pretrodayolyask. in
Kamschatka. Only one regular mail is re-
ceived there annually sometimes the mail
misses, as mails do everywhere, and then
the postmaster has nothing to do for two
whole years. This happy official enjoys a
salary of three or four hundred rubles. ~
Recently an Irish called at the
Lewiston post-oaRce and inquired if there
was a letter for her She was told that there
was a letter for her from the dead letter Of
flee, when she at once burst into tears. saw.
ing, ian sure I thought some of em moupht
been dead that I didn't hear from them be.
fore."a An explanation dried her tears. ! 4:
Aiady at Boston, who was about to give give
a party to- the members Of the Protestant
Episcopal Convention, sent for Mr.. s..
q caterer, to assist in the preparations,-
He asked if she intended to give a dancing
party. She replied that it was to be mainly
composed Of clergymen. 2..In that case.
madam" said he f would advise, yo,, to
provide bountifully. Them pious people
eat dreadfully."
An l~lliterate negro preacher said to his
congregation--"My bredren, when de fust
man Adam was made, he was oh wet CLAW.
and set up agin de palings to dry"
"Do you say" said one of the conprepa-
ti0u, ''dat Adam was made of wet clsy an,
set up agin de palings to dry p
eyes sar, I do" .ssa-jslql
"Who made de palings :"
"Sit down, sar," said the preacher stern
ly, .such questions as dat would upset any
system Of theology" MS rEliGY.|
HARD ON THE ENGINEER. IAN engineer
on the .. q NJ. R. R., tells the following
story on himself: One night the train stop.
ped to wood and water at a small station in
Indiana. While this operation was going
on L observed two green looking countrymen
'hum-spun," %curiously inspecting the To-
connective and occasionally giving ventto eY-
OF astonlshment. Finally one, Of
looked up at me and said
STRANGER, are this a locomotive ?"
Certainly. Didn't you never see one
before :"
Eyes. cert,;n,v .IH1 4IsfSGaHH
"What yer call that you are in p,
1--WE call this the cab" ~
Sand this beg wheel?"
'Thats's the driving wheel"
"That big black thing on the top is the
,himbley. | suppose 2"
Precisely" elXHIaI|
BE you the engineer what runs the ma
;hine 2" xeaaff4 ,yfx,a
Il am the engineer"