The States and Union. [volume] (Ashland, Ohio) 1868-1872, 1869-07-21
Wit and Wisdom.

Slanders are like flies that leap over
all mans good parts to light only
upon his sores.
Never wait for thing to turn up.
Go and turn it up for yourself Ii
takes less time, and is sure to be done
Mother, did you heard sissy swear?"
''No, my dear what did she say p
"Why, she said she wasn't going to
wear her darned stockings to church
on Sunday" ~,
A gentleman in Boston advertises
for a horse 'tfor lady of dark color,
a.good trotter, and of stylish action. u
The horse "tmust beyoung, and have
long tail about fifteen hands high y
The late Rev Daniel Isaac was both
great wag and a great smoker. "Ha!
there you are" cried lady, who sur
prised him one day with a pipe in his
mouth, cat your idol again. eyes,
madam" he cody replied, "burning
it."
What is the difference between an
old married couple who stay at home
and quarrel, and a young married cou-
pie who go skating and break through
the ice !? The first stay in and fall
out F.; and the second go out and fall in.
She tripped along with ribbons fly
ing, a bran new hat she'd just been
buying. She held her head up very
high, and thought 'sWell, amt I just
old pie ?" An orange peel lay in the
the track, she tripped, and flat upon
her back lay Miss Maria Simkins.
A young lady's opinion of the bon
net OF the season: ooh. the bonnets
of my girlhood- the kind 1 wore to
school! l really thought them pretty;
1 must have been fool. And yet ]
used to think myself on hats jaunty
miss. Perhaps 1 was, as fashion went;
but what was that to this !? Oh, the
lovely little pancake-the charming
little mat +! 1t makes my head SO
level, and SO very, very fiat"
1t is bad thing for horse to over-
reach, but warse thing for men.
A jolly old farmer in B--says he
has had two capital losses hired
man, and about 5000, both the same
night.
How does that look ?''said Mr..
Cramp, holding out his brawny hand
'That," interposed Amos, CLOCKS as if
you were out of soap..,
Said Tom ''Since I have eaten so
much veal, I am ashamed to look a
calf in the face" 81 s'pose, then"
said wag, "you shave without a
glass. u - ~ -
In England, phosphorusis extracted
from guano for making lucifer matches.
Many American farmers have made
light of guano for several years.
An English liberal paper says !:
"Six thousand women are to-day in
Manchester demanding the right to
vote" They must have had a noisy
time In Manchester that day.
A Yankee preacher, discoursing in
regard to Daniel in the lions den,
said 'tAnd there he sat all night
long, looking at the show for nothing,
and it didn't cost him cent"
All foreigners could not subscribe to
the testimony of one of their fellows.
Said he: "In the auld countre, we
had plenty of sa9eri,s, (soverign,) } but
here we aevei' see one"
''I say, Tummas,@ remarked an in
quiring spirit, what breed do you call
that dawg of yourn ?" Well" said
Thomas, "he's two breeds, pinter and
setter-he sits all day and pints his
nose at the fire."
A married man adopted an original
way of reducing household expenses.
One morning, when he knew his wife
would see him, he kissed the servant
girl. The household expenses were in
stantly reduced $3.50 year.
Aunt Susan, hearing that and inter.
cricket game was to be play
ed at West Hoboken, dragged herr
knitting work into her lap, and lifting
her eyes over her specks said, ''Small
business that I should think they
might let the poor crickets alone"
Il am tired of this cat-and dog life,
said an over-sensitive and petulent
wife, to q rather dull husband; who
replied by pointing to the rug ond
which old Touser and Kitty lay quiet
ly asleep, and saying, 81 should never
tire of such cat-and-dog life as that"
;'That is life before marriage" respond
ed the wife = cite them together and]
you'll see the fur fy,,' -, j