Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1869-10-10
JOSH BILLINGS P <
THE HORNET.

THE HORNET.
The hornet is an infiamibel critter.
sudden in hiz impreshuns and hasty
in hiz conclusion, or end.
Hiz natral dispOsishen liz a warm
cross between red pepper i'm the pod
and fusil oil, and his moral bias IL,
"git out Oy mi way"
They have a long, black boldly, di-
yided in the middle by a waist spot,
but their phisikal importance lays at
the terminus of their suburb, in the
shape Ov a javelin.
This javelin IL alwuz loaded, and
stands ready to unload at a minuit's
warning, and enters a man az still az
thought, az spry az litening, and az
null ov melancholy az the toothake.
Hornets never argy a case; they set
tie awl Ov their differences ov Opinyun
by letting their javelin fly, and are az
certain to hit az a mule IL.
This testy kritter lives in congrega-
tons numbering about one hundred
souls; but whether they are male or
female, or conservative, or matched
in bonds ov wedlOck, or whether they
are MorinOns, and a good many OY
them king together and keep one
husband to save expense, L don't kno
nor don't kare.
L never hav examined their habits
much, l never considered ii healthy.
Hornets bid their nests wherever
they take a nOshun to, and seldom are
disturbed, for what would it profit q
man tew kill 80 hornets and hav the
ono huudradfb ODa hit hin, NTH HE
jayelin2
They bid their nests ov paper, with
out emmy windows to them or back
doors. They hav but one place Ov ad-
mission, and the nest IL the shape ov
M overgrown pineapple, and IL cut
up into Just az menny bedrooms as
their IL hornets. biz
1t il very simple to make a hornets
nest if yu kan, but i will wager emmy
man 300 dollars he kant bid one that
he could sell to a hornet for half price.
Hornets are az bizzy az their second
couzzins, the bee, but what they are
about the Lord only knows; they
don't lay up emmy honey, nor emmy
money; they seem to be Dizzy only
jist for the sake Ov working all the
time; they are alwus in az mulch Ov
a hurry az tho they waz going for a
dOkter.
suppose this uneaZy world would
grind around on its aXle-tree Onst in
"A hours, even eff there want emmy
hornets; but hornets must be good for
suInthing, but ] can't think now what
il IL.
There haint been a bug made get in
Unf1a nor ono that .rraDnf n .rC.rN tah-
thare IL even lots ov human men loaf
ing around blacksmith shops and cider
mills all over the country that don't
seem TO be necessary for anything but
to beg plug tobacco and swear, and
steal watermelons, but you let the
cholera break out once, and then you
will G the wisdom of having jist
sich men laying around; they help
count.
Next to the cOckrOach, who stands
tew the head, the hornet haz got the
most waste stummuk, i'm reference tew
the rest ov hiz boldly, than emmy oy
the insek pOpulashun, and here IL an
other mystery: what ON 'arth duz a
hornet want so mulch reserved corps
for?
l hay just thought-tew carry his
iavelin in; thus, you see, the more we
discover about things, the more we
are apt to know.
1t IL always a good purchase teW
pay out our last surviving dollar for
wisdum, and wisdum liz like the mis-
ferrous hens egg, it aint laid in yure
hand, but il IL laid away under the
barn, and yu have got tew sarch for it.
Tho hnrnnf - on rr,ghnahn1l l.s-1.
he IL more naughty than he IL proud;
he il a thoroughbred bug, but his
breeding and refinement has made
him like sun other folk | knO ov, dis
satisfied with himself and every
boldly else, too much good breeding
acktS this way sometimes.
Hornets are iOng-lived-I kant state
jist how long their lives are, but l
know from instiBkt and observation
that emmy kritter, be he bug or be he
devil, who liz mad all the time and
every good chance he kan git;
generally Outlives all his nabers.
The only good way tew git at the
exact fitein weight Ov the hornet is
tew tutch him, let him hit you once
with his javelin, and you will be will
ling to testify in court that sumbOdy
run Il One-tined pitchfork into yer;
and az for grit, i will state for the in
oy thOZe who haven't had
a chance tew lay in their vermin wis
dunn az freely az | hay, that n sin
gle hornet, who feels well, will brake
up a large camp meeting.
What the hOrnetsdO for Amusement
IL another question / kant answer, but
sum Ov the best read and heaviest
thinkers amung the naturalists say
they hav target excursions, and heave
their jaYelins at a mark, but i DON'T
lmbibe this assePshun raw, Tor | never
knu emmy boldly 50 bitter at heart az
the hornets are to waste a blow.
If the hornets made hat az menny
blunders az the men do even with
their javelins, every boldly would laff
1t them.
Hornets are clear In another way,
hey have found out, bi trieingit that
ali they kan git in this world, and
Drag on, IL their vittles and clothes.
md yu never e one, standing at the
Ov a street, with a twenty-six
nch face on, bekause sum bank had
'un Oph, and took their money with
In ending oph this essa, l will cum
ew a stop, by concluding, that if hOr-
lets yasa little more pensive, and not
% darned peremptQry with their jave-
ins, they might be guilty Of less wis
but more charity.
Singular Discovery in Bay of Bengal,