The south-western., 1869-10-27
Miscellaneous Items.

New York bank drew all his savings, amounting
= gone $500, and speculated in the street. Fortul
smiled on him, and by Friday morning he had mat
SIS 900 profit His employers, surprised at his uc
advised him to invest that amount with them and thu
= would "make hundred thousand for him" He ve
naively replied: Charley has made fifteen coo
Charley will stop" Charley, that night, was wor
$4,000; Charleys employers not fifteen cents.
Mrs STowE's CoNsc1ENcE.-Ant Tommy has CO..
science, but it is located in strange place. In h
: Sunny Memories of Foreign Lands, page 420 vol
she thus writes:
Suddenly so suddenly that it was quite mysterou
conscience smote me. A profound, deep-seated r.
morse developed itself exactly in the deepest centre
the pit of my stomach"
There-therei ! What the church do with ha
who mistakes cholera morbns for conscience?
| Augusta Consttutonast.
A SHREwD GIRL.-That shrewd girl, and NJ
devoid of sense either, who remarked, when othe
girls making fun of her short skirts, and afece
to be much shocked at the exhibition thereof of at.
party: "1f you'd only pull up your dresses abor
your necks where they ought be, they'd be asshol
as mine" She was not troubled any more.
1t is we'll for the G. B. gentry to keep their domesti
houses in order in the States where they came from
The signs of the times indicate that they will hav
use Tor them houses of refuge when their squatte
game at the South is played out That time ap
| proaches Mobile Register.
| When Hortenae died she gave the engagement RIM
OF her mother the Empress Josephine, to her son. tn
present Emperor of France, making it condition tha
he should never put it another hand than that o
the future Empress of the French. The request wa
obeyed, and Eugene owns the ring
One of the newest Massachusetts, ideas is that nine
tenths OF all the misery and vice that blot the fair
OF woman is caused by her inability to perform some
kind of skilled labor, forcing her to her living tc
work at the lowest range of compensation.
Mrs. Porter the postmistrsss at Louisville, il
the widow of Judge Bruce Porter the daughter of the
Hon. James T. Morehead, who served Kentucky as q
Legislator Governor and Senator Of the United
States She is from Covngton.
Some one has beautifully said of thnse -hn dia yonns
that they are like the lambs which the Alpine sheph-
erds bear in the to higher and greener pastures
that the focks may follow"
"When men break their hearts" remarks cynical
female writer is the when lobster breaks
one of its claws-another sproutng out Immediately
and growing in its place."
1t is said that in France there are at least fifty actors
and actresses who pretend to be children of the great
Rachel If Rachel is weeping for her children" she
will have to shed fright smart" of tears.
The Rev. James Kent Stone, DID, of Boston, late
President of Hobert College, (Episcopa) at Geneva,
NY, has declared his conversion to Catholicism He
is grandson of Chancellor Kent.
1t is reported that the Bishops of Russia have re-
ceved notice from the Government of St. Peters
burg, informing them that they are not to quit their
sees during the sitting of Ecumenca Council in Rome
Secretary Boutwell, and Gen. Grant played game
of billiards at the White House few evening since
for the championship of the Cabinet The dispatches
don't say who won.
According to Mark Twain, Henry Ward Beecher
planted his farm with fifteen hundred dollars worth Of
dried apples, not of which sprouted and he has
never been able to discover the reason
Senator Pomeroy is now cock of the walk. He has
Just been elected president of the Woman's Suffrage
Association in Washington, a the rest of the officers
being ladies.
young gentleman speaking of young beauty's
yellow hair, called it pure gold. "It
ought to be, "qnoth an old bachelor, it looks like
carrots"
Western captain, inportuned by life insurance
solicitor settled matters by remarking, Look here,
my friend, never bet on any game where I've got to
die to beat it,"
Ny son" said man of doubtful morals, putting
his hand on the head of young urchn, ~ believe
Satan has got hold of you" Z" believe co. too y" the
urchin replied.
Mrs. Partington has been reading the health officers
weekly reports, and thinks "tota must be an awful
malignant disease, since many die of it as of all the
rest put together.
At church collection for missions, the preacher
eengly said, my good brethren let me caution those
ot you who put in buttons not to break off the eye 1t
spoils them for use."
An editor, alluding to the demand for female suf
rage, female doctors, and female cergymen remarks
ttau anuer naur presents lrseIf-tnat femaTe NO.
men. @..#
One of the Salt Lake Saints has for three of his
wives grandmother, mother. and daughter-in this
way avoiding the unpleasantness of mother-n-law
Bridget, what became of the tallow creased nv
boots with this mornings" II fried the buckwh heats
n it" Oh, was afraid you had wasted it,"
little girl, attending Sunday school for the first
ime, was asked who into the lions den ~ sOh.
know" she said, q it was Dan Rice"
The Mormons about to memoralise Congress to
'e admitted as State. The new State should be |
Known as the State of Matrimony.
wish" said an irate lawyer, "you would pay
title attention to what say" az am" answered the
witness, paying as little as can"
Western editor, in response to subscriber Who
rumbied that his paper was intolerably Damp says,
that 1t is because there is much due on it."
suicidal mania is raging in the Prussan army, and
n a few weeks at the camp of Borna, near Leipzig.
% soldiers have put an end to their existence.