Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1869-03-05
HUMORSONIE.
A Tinpot Existence-That Of a tinker.

A Tinpot Exstence-That Of a tinker
A Pious Perfume-The odor of sanctity
When birds wing is broken by fowler, can it
be said to have defective flew,
Whats the use,'' asked raggel fellow,
6 Of mans working himself to death to get
a living ~
Why would the sea make better hOu-ekeeptr
than the earth Because the earth is exceed
ingly firiy, and the sea is very tidy.
The young laIy who visited a photographer
recently, and desired him to take her with
expression as if composing a poem, does not re-
side in this vicinity.
" hat is that which comes into existence about
1--WE or six feet from the ground, and is a sign of
treachery and amity. kiss.
Sc Not guilty. saiI an Omaha Jury. .. but If
the prisoner IS smart ne viii leave the Territory
before night" He left
At a spiritual ssa4ee held recently one Of the
persons present so far forgot himself as to strike
the happy medium Proceedings Will en-ue.
A polite philosopher once thanked lady who
had been singing to a party for an hour, by Say
ing, '' Madam, you have wasted our time charm
ingly."
IS resort to vine 10 stimulate my Wit, '' -4.i
a Young spendthrift to An old one. .. All. 90 -.-
piled the veteran, '' that Is the way began 5u.
now have to resortto my wits TO get ny wiu-.
\ Texas correspondent says the female have
charge Of the Dost-offices in that State. aul the
mails arrive and depart regularly every b1ur in
the day.
However Christmas Eye should be dressed iu
other respects, she most unquestionab'y ought O..
wear Sc fall Of snow
\ Western paper having announced the
IS shooting Of a wildcat by little by Eve feet
eight inches long, an exchange qler.es '' Nalt
| they call 5ig boys there l''
One Of our artists has recently ptintel pie
ture Of Pltience-a sh0pkecper waiting upon Do
dies who don't eza,tly know what they want,
but expect to before the season is over
man ofsix-v, who ul- sentenced IN French
court 20 twenty years LlrI labor, thanked tar
Judge with great tervor TIE had not expected.
4 he said, to live 30 long.
.. sells peppermints on Sunlay,'' remarked
a good OLD lady, who kept "a csuly shop. -- b--
ciusa they carries 'en 90 church ant eats EN-.
and keps awake to hear the sermon but e you
wants c5mits YOU must come week days They're
secular sommoiities.'
The Young man who asEei the da1gh.sr's
hand and r05 the fathers foot, hal the cou-oii-
tion Of knowing that his woo.nc was not boot
/ less.
yOnng lady who pridel herself on g-e.-
| ply, seeing candle aslanr, remarked that 10
reminded her of the 3. Leaning Tower OF 'a,I 90
'' Yes RESPONDED wsg, .. with this differ
| euce-that It is a tower in Italy, while tl.- IS
tower in grease -
| State Prison Inspector Bh,l.s was one tiI
/ that he couldn't if b. wi-hel. ind a lcma-rl-ic
minister to oilcilie chlp.ain Of AuburH prison
and it said that his reply was, '' I'll hlyea
democratic minister If @ 90 h-u f.r him.
! Lord Chesterfield once remarked that even Adam,
| the first man, knew the value Of p0iitgness, and
allowed Eve 20 have the first bite Of ,he apple
Many young lady who objects TO kissei utier
the mistietoe has no objection TO be kissel under
the rose. A clreles, c1mpositor male an error
in the above, rendering IT. - has aJ objection @,
be kisseI unIer the nose
Queries-Can a bi.l naa be hair-brliaei is
-he piscatorial angle geometrical, Can RAN
without arms have anything on his hands I-
the design o.: plotter ever a tasteful one l. %
crois-rcai pleasant route Are there any
.
gers dons with a lead pencil
Miss Pope, one evening in the gveeu-roo;l of
the theatre, expatiltiu- Ia all the warmth OF her
eIrly enthusiasm On the genius Of Garrick, AMI
on his fine features. exclaimed, s. What an si-
he hal it looked As if it could pierce through
a deal board - .' Them said NewiJzer. e. 3,
must have been gimIa. eye .''
The extensive authority os parent, under
Chinese laws l. well known. Chinese Of for
ty years old, whose aged mother Aoessi him
every day. she'd tears in the company of one of
his friends. - Why 10 You weep '' Alas.
things are not a. they used to be- The pgar eo
mans arm grows teebler every day
Vt college symposium. one Of the party a4f-
penei 20 tumble down. when boon eollFia.an
roared out: '' How came you to fall, Brown
Notwithstanding, hiccupei the pro-trifr, ai-
tempting 20 rise and begin a speech.
The late Archbishop Of Canterbury one '.,.r
TO Somerset House to execute a deei Sc Niff
name 2'' saii the cockney clerk. e Longley.
answered the prelate 50 Go To-" IA p''sr
uumentionable to ears polite), reoinei the ciet--
and some explanation was necessary before 70 b Pc
came evident that the official had merely asp r.
tel the designating letter Of the department Car
ranged Alphabetically to which ne wishel 70
direct DR. Longley.
A rentleman's diary Of his wife's temper
Monday thick fog no seeing through is
Tuesday-Gloomy and very chilly unseaslnc-
be weather Wednesday-Frosty, at times
sharp. Thursiay-Bitter cold in the morning.
red sunset, with flying clouds, porteuding hard
weather Friday-Storm in the morning. with
peals Of thunder air clear afierwarl. Sltur-
. day-Gleams Of sunshine, with partial thaW
frost again at night. Suniay-A slight SOUTH
wester in the morning calm and pleasant 40
dinner time hurricane and earihq lnke 70