The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-02-12

for her nlghtcap after the lamps blown
ous.
A clearinghouse keeper in
Springfield, is in the habit, when her
boarders tail to pay up promptly, of
placing an extra fork at their plate, as
silent iltimation to "fork over"
- A tipsy loafer mistook a globe
lamp with letters OIL it for the queen of
night. ~ am blessed" said he cit some
body, hain't stuck advertise ment OH
the moon"
- When lady INDUCES IN a yawn
or two, gentlemen are justified in be-
lieving their hats are needed on the top
of their heads and the best side of the
door is the outside.
A Yankee paper in describing a
ehipwreck, says that "the mate of the
vessel, who was the only survivor of
the crew, found himself cast upon an
uninhabited island, without shilling
in his pocket !"
AT a medical examination a young
aspirant was asked, "when does morti-
fication ensue Z"
"When you propose, and are rejected
was the reply that greeted the amazed
examiner.
- A badly bunged up Emerald Is
lander, in response to the inquiry,
"where have you been ?" said "Down
to Mrs. Mulroneys wake, and an lille
CANT time We had of it. Fourteen fights
In fifteen minutes only one whole
nose left in the house, and that belong
ed to the tay kettle !"
- A Patlander in travelling on his
way to Manchester, New Hampshire,
arrived at the forks of road where
stood sign board which read thus
Manchester, four miles - cried
Pat. 'Be the holy poker. could have
caught her myself in half the time"
- A doctor returned coat to his
tailor because it did not tit Eim. The
tailor seeing the doctor ut the funeral
Of one of his patle is said "Ah, doc
tor, you are happy man /" "Why?"
"Because replied the tailor, s'you new
er have any of your bad work returned
on your hands,,
II wish l had your head,o said
lady one day to II gentleman who had
solved u knotty point for her.
ssAnd | wish l had your heart" was
his reply.
"Well, said she, ''since your head and
my heart can agree, don't see why
they should not 90 into partnership"
And they did.
x One of the down-east stronp-
minded females volunteered the follow
Ing advice to whom it may concern
Get married, young man, and be quick
about it too. Don't wait for the mil
lennium hoping that the girls will
turn TO angels before you would trust
yourself to one ofthem. A pretty thing
you would look like alongside of an
Angel, wouldn't you, you BRUTE"
- A clergyman, having preached
during Lent in n small town, in which
he had not once been invited to dinner
said in sermon exhorting his parish
oners against being seduced by the pre-
vailing vices the age
II have preached against every Vice
except luxurious living, having had no
opportunity OF observing to what ex-
tent it is carried on in this town..
= In one of our large cities short
time ago, Western editor was met by
friend who, taking him BY the hands,
exclaimed
~"Why am delighted to see you, how
Iong are you going to stay ?"
why, think," said the editor, 81
Will stay while my money lasts"
SHOW disappointed am, | thought |
you was going to stay a day or two,"
said the friend.
- A man passing through the |
country during an exciting local poli:-
fcai canvass, rode up to a farmhouse, |
and thus accosted tOw-headed urchin |
perched upon u gate post "Bub |
where is your pa! 7" The youngster |
eyed the stranger curiously moment,
and then replied "Pap's jist gone
down there beyont the barn, to bury |
our old dog. The burned old fool kill |
cd hlself barkin' at candidates for con-
stable. Be you oae?" The traveller
rode on.
- Among company of cheerful |
lrishmen in the neighborhood of st. |
Giles it was proposed by the host to
make gift of a couple of fowls to him
that off hand should write six lines of
poetry OF his own composing. Sever
al oil the merry crew attempted unsuc-
cessfully to gain the prize. At length
the wittiest among them thus ended
the contest
''Good friends as I'm to make po'-
EN-,
Excuse me ii just step home
Two lines already be not crul,
Consider, homes I'm fool
Theirs four lines, now I'll gain the
fowls.
With which I.soon shall fill my
bowls"
- Judge Andrews tells of an occa-
sion, when, to use Southern phrase,
he was taken down by one of his audi
ence during political address. He
was candidate for Governor of his
State, and was explaining to a large
crowd how friends had pressed him to
be candidate, and that the office was
seeking him, and that he was not seek
ing the office.
''ln fact said he, the office of Gov
ernor has been following me for the last
ten years."
Just then tall countryman in the
audience arose and shouted, "But here
is yer consolation, judge you are gain
ing on it all the time. and iJ will never
catch you !"
The prophecy was literally fulfilled.
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