Weekly Trinity journal., 1869-10-09
A DAY AT NIAGARA.
BY MARK TWAIN.

Niagara falls is one of the finest structures in
the known world I have been visiting this fa-
vori;e watering place recently for the first time,
and was we'll pleased. gentleman who was
with me said it was customary to be disap-
pointed in the falls, but that subsequent visits
were sure to set that all right. He said it was
so with him. He said that the first time be went
the hack fares were SO much higher than the
falls that the falls appeared insignificant. But
that is all regulated now. The hackmen have
been tahed, and numbered and placarded and
blackguarded, and brought into subsection to
the law and dosed with moral principle till they
are as meek as missionaries. They are divided
into two clans now, the Regulars, and The Pri-
vateeers, and they employ their idle time in
warning the public against each other. The
Regulars are under the hotel banners, and do
the legitimate at two dollars hour, and the
Privateers prowl darkly on neutral ground and
pick off stragglers at half price. But there are
no more outrages and extortons. That sort of
thing cured itself. 1t made the falls unpopular
by getting i1to the newspapers, and whenever
public evil achieves that sort of success for it.
self, its days numbered. 1t became apparent
that either the falls had to be discontinued or
the hackmen had to subside. They could not
dam the falls, and so they damned the hackmen.
One can be comfortable and happy there now.
SIGNS AND SYMBOLS.
drank up most of the American fall before
learned that the waters were not considered
medicinal Why are people left in ignorance
in this way? l might have gone on and ruined
fine property merely for the want of little
trfing information. And yet the sources of in
formation at Niagara falls are not meager You
are sometimes in doubt there about what you
ought to do, but you seldom in doubt about
what you must not do. No-the signs keep you
posted. If al infant can read that infant is
measurably safe at Niagara falls. In your room
at the hotel you will find your course marked
out for you in the most convenient way by means
of placards on the wall like these:
''Pull the bell-rope gently, but don't jerk"
''Bolt your door"
"Don't scrape matches on the wall"
"Turn off your gas when you retire."
Ct Tie up your dog"
elf you place your boots outside the door they
will be blacked but the house is not responsible
for their return" This is confusing, tangle-
some observation-disclosures it moves you to de-
liberate long and painfully as to whether it will
really be any object to you to have your boots
blacked unless they are returned.
tGve your key to the omnibus driver il you
forgot ard carry it off with you"
Outside the hotel, wherever you wander, you
are ntelligently assisted by the signs. You
cannot come to grief as long as you are in your
right mind But the difficulty is to stay in your
right mind with so much instruction to keep
track of. For instance:
''Keep off the grass"
"Don't climb the trees"
Hands off the vegetables"
"Do not hitch your horse to the shrubbery."
"yisit the Cave of the Winds"
Have your portrait aken in your carriage" >"
i:Forty per cent. in gold levied on all peanuts
or other Indian curiOsites purchased in Can
ada"
Photographs of the falls taken here"
"Vsitors will please notify the Superinten-
dent of any neglect on the part of employees to
charge for the commodities or services No
inattention of this kind Observed
"Dont throw stones down-they may hit peo-
pie below"
"The proprietors will not be responsible for
parties who jump over the falls" More shirk-
ing of responsibility-it appears to be the pre-
vailing thing here.
ALWAYS have had high regard for the signers of
the declaration OF independence, but now they
do not really seem to amount to much alongside
the signers of Niagara falls. To tell the plain
truth, the multitude of signs annoyed me-. 1t
was because noticed at last that they always
happened to prohibit exactly the very thing |
wanted to do. ] desired to roll on the grass !;
the sign prohibited il. wished to climb tree /;
the sign prohibited it. I longed to smoke; a
sign forbade it. And ] was going to throw a
stone over to astonish and pulverize such parties
as might be picnicing below, when a sign have
just mentioned forbade that. Even that poor
satisfaction was denied me land ! a friendless
orphan). There was no recourse now but to
seek consolation in the flowing bowl. drew
my flask from my pocket, but it was all in vain
A sign confronted which said: "No drinking
allowed on these premises"
On that spot might have perished of thirst
but for the saving words Of an hoaored maxim
| that fitted through my memory at the crtica
moment. "All signs fail in dry time" Com
mon law takes precedence Of the statutes.
was saved.
TIE NOBLE RED NAN.
| The noble red mau has always been darling
OF mine. / love to read about him IN tales ant
legends and romances. love to read of his in
spired sagacty, and his love of the wild free If
OF mountain and forest; and his grand truthful
ness, hts hatred Of tfssehssy, and his gsssfa