The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1869-09-24
Pleasant Paragraphs.

flcASanJ paragraphs
Why was Noah never hungry in the
ark2 Because he always had Ham with
him.
When is n young mans arm like the
Gospol2 When II maketh glad the whist
places.
SAL, what time do your folks diner
Soon rs you goes; that's missus's orders"
Thin Man-"Boy, what's that hungry
dog following me for2' Boy-"He thinks
you're q bone, l reckon"
An incorrigible wig, who lent a minis
ter q horse which ran away and threw his
clerical rider, thought he should have some
credit for his aid in spreading the Cos.
pol.
"A tiresome talksr once said 10 n pub
lie man he had incontinently bored. "An
oyster is pleasant to eat, though repulsive
to look at" Eyes, but then no knows
whom to shut up" was the reply.
An oil ~millionaire's daughter At Sara
toga sings two songs night andday-all she
knows. The old man says he paid 81, 900
to learn her music, and she's got TO sing or
bust.
"A girl at Kansas City had six offers of
marriage within q month, and a hot month,
too. It is supposed to be ON account OF
her frigidity.
A white boy mot q colored lad the other
day, and asked him what he had such n
short nose for. 81 spect, so 10 won't poke
itself into other peoples business
Not long ago a captain of volunteers
WAS publicly presented with q handsome
sword. He began his reply thus: "Ladies
and gentlemen this sword is the proudest
day Of my exisIencep
ARE these fresh eggs2"
"Yes, madame"
GLOW do you know You speak so pos.
itively."
why. I laid them in that box myself
early this morning."
"A couple of fellows, who were pretty
thoroughly soaked with bad whisky, got
into the gutter. After laundering about
for a few minutes, one of them said, 'Jim,
let's 90 TO another house; this hotel leaks
from below"
A boy, five years Of age, having stolen
a can Of milk, his mother took him TO task,
with moral s%uasion, and wound mp her dis.
course by exclaiming: "What in the world
were you going to do with the milk, any.
how2' 81 was going TO steal a little dog
to drink it," was the crushing reply.
An intelligent gentleman from Ger.
many, on his first visit to nm American
church, had n contribution box with n hole
in the top presented 10 him, and whispered
to the collector, 81 don't got mein bapers,
and can't vote"
An Irishman, being asked by his angry
master what he did 10 the dog every day
to make him cry out M IL cruelty treated.
"Cruelly trait him, yer honor? not II
never could hurt q poor dumb cratur In my
lite; but yer honor babe me cut his tail,
and so / cut only q little bit Oft overy day
TO make it more alsy for him."
The other day In Schenectady, IN old
lady with two bandboXes in her arms, can't
TO tho track of the Central Railroad and
inquired at what time the next ,rain was
due. On being informed that il would pass
through the city in half on hour, she quietly
dumped her bandboxes on the pavement
and sat down, remarking that shed whit
till IL passed; she didn't want TO be run
over, aud II body couldn't be too keerful,
DR.. g., of Sycamore, ILL.,, is n capita.
hand at a joke. Riding in the country ono
day, he saw q sign upon n gate-post, read
ing thus: "This farm for Sail" Stopping
his horse, no hailed n little old woman who
stood on tip-toe hanging out clothes. 81
say, madam, when is this fhrm going e
'sdl?'"
'Just 20 soon, sir, " replied the old lady
placing her thumb to her nose, ''as any
body zones along who can raise tho windr
The Doctor drove %thoughtfully on.
-"Clork, said a tall Kentuckian TO aho
tel official, "this young m and m,
have oloped. Have ye any marryin' fncili
ties around here2'
Tho clerk replied in tho affirmative, ant
the two were "spliced" In less than An hour
Tho bridegroom was evidently not yet sat
isied, and fingered around tho hotel book
"Clerk," said he, c~onhdentially, a
length, "hadn't ye better change the regis
ter, and give Ms one room, now we're mar
ried p
"It's already DONE" replied the clerk
"you're marked for the same room"
well, clerk" replied the Kentuckian
quickly, won't You just show me up
then, for I'm dtefd sleepy"