Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-11-09
-Las2ach for Ha177aO2'fsts.

lie gong PIOPOsO'
seszzsxzzszzGzs
Las3sc7a for Ha1naO2ists.
Pail creatures-Dairy maids.
Home stretches-Family yarns
Mammoth cayes-Huge failures.
Pressing business-That of an editor.
Is getting slight" the result of loose" hab-
its?
If young lady bids you take heart, does it
mean that you can take hers.
is said-ironically, perhaps-that black
smiths forge and steel every day.
A dandy on shore is disgusting to many peo-
pie, but a swell of the sea sickens everybody.
Mrs. Asphyxia gives as reason for declining
to marry widower, the fact that she Is down
on second hand children.
Mrs. Partington says that because some girls
are stars, it is no reason Why they should De re-
garded as heavenly bodies.
The Boston Journal complains that "notwith-
standing the bountiful rain that has fallen the
past week, milk has risen one cent per quart.
Two French friends met. "Ah, good day !
How are you2'' Pretty we'll" and your
wife?'' ''She is travelling For her healthF
'tNo, for mine.
Teacher.-'Peter, you are such bad boy.
that YOU are not fit to sit in sthe company OF
good boys On the bench. Come up here and
sit by me, sir.
johnny being rather remiss in his lesson, the
teacher remarked that he hadn't very good
memory. mo, ma am" said he, hesitatlngly,
''but I've got first rate torgetery.
In Nevada specie is so scarce that the jingle
of half dollar can be heard from one end OF
the State to the other. 1t is SO scarce In this
State that we can't even hear the Jingle.
A man out West who read that dry corperas
nut in bed of ants would cause them to leave,
put some in his mother-in-law s bed to see II
she wouldn't go. He says she was there at last
accounts.
It is said that the original press used by Ben
Franklin is at present claimed to be IN over one
hundred printing offices in America. From the
looks of some Of our exchanges we should say
it was.
An Ohio journal pointedly remarks that
''every cord of wood given to the poor will be
SO much fuel saved from use in the next world
Remember this, We wood fellows, and send US
cord of dry and seasoned.
Bridget, what have you done with all the
cream? Those children cannot eat skim milk
for breakfast.
Sure marin, and it ism t myself that would
be afther g;vin' the scum to yez. L cut that
off and gave it to the cats.
In one Of his characteristic sketches of an
opponent old Parson Brownlow said.
He would walk across hell on rotten rail tor
a shilling; and if the angel Gabriel should
come down from heaven and offer him his soul S
salvation for siypence, he would hunt out one
with hole in it with which to close the bar
gain.
''Now, spos' you was to be turned into an
ANIMAL said Jim, what would you like to be,
Bil?" ''Ob, I'd ike to be a lion, replied
Bill. because he's So" ooh, no, don't be
lion, Bill interrupted little Tom, who has
had some recent painful experience at school;
''be wasp, and then you can sting the school
master.
An itinerant merchant, meeting one of his
own fraternity the other day. whose pony might
be considered beautiful specimen of skeleton
demonstrated with the owner, and asked him If
he ever fed him. ever fed himl-thats a
good I'm. was the reply. Hes got bushel
and half of cats at home now, only he amt
got any time to eat EN-.
An occasional correspondent of ours, meet
ing party of settlers the other day in Texas,
INQUIRED IrOEl the COuuuCLOE NiidL tllG HILL III
the first wagon were intended tor.
$50 clear the forests
'WeIl," said he, land what are those in the
second for ?"
$40 build the huts,' was the reply.
''And that old white headed man in the third
wagon-what is he for? was the next question
asked, to which the reply was given:
"Oh, that's my father, we shall open our
new cemetery with him!''
Our correspondent did not inquire further.
s
A stalwart pedagogue was discovered cruelty
belaboring young lad with heavy ferrule,
and the visitor entreated him to desist and ex-
plain the object of his severe whipping.
well, I'm only teaching the young idea
how to shoot"
ooh, indeed! Some defect about the little
weapon?'
eyes; should think there was. He's OBJ
stinate, rusty and inclined to KICK and this is
the only way to make him serviceable.'
Eyes, yes, see; beg pardon for my dull
ness. You teach the ideas how to shoot, on the
breachloading principle"
AN AWFUL THREAT. "A young man belong
ing to Fort Scott recently went down to the
edge of the Arkansas on business. While down
there, he went to party, aud while at the par
ty, danced often and became very familiar with
one of the settlers wives. Rackensack stood
it as long as he could, but, finally, becoming
enraged, he went up to the blood and said =
'Look here, mister, that is my wife you are
dancing with" ''Well, what of it?'' said the
blood why this: You dance with her again,
you speak to her, you even look at her again,
and blow the top of your head off, ''Now
look here said the blood, cooy: do you see
that umbrella setting thar p ''Wel s'pose I
do?'' well, you handle that umbrella, you
touch that umbrella, you even look at that UNI
brella, and I'll ram it down your throat--and
I'll spread it! Rackensack scooted"
FASHIONS AND MARRIAGE Markets. Since
our last report switches have had down
ward tendency and are now on the decline
Only three tons arrived last week, and shippers
and holders look blank. Rolls" are higher.
with prospect of steady advance. The mar
ket will not be glutted for some time to come
Waterfalls are scarce, though the demand is
limited The great ''falP they experienced
early in the season had depressing effect on
the shippers The Grecian Bend is limited to
few frst-class spines: the general public, es-
peciaily the business men, look upon it with
dstrust and it is feared that holders will have
to re-ship. Paint and enamel are brisk, and
prices firm. Barber & Druggist report large
sales and predict a large number of antiquated,
saffron-colored women Trails still continue to
advance-after the wearer gets five or ten feet
ahead. They will hold out as long as the wal
let of Pater Familias. Corsets continue to reg
ularly supply physicians and patent medicine