The Union and journal., 1869-04-30

To be singuiar-bs virtuous.
Ifyou wish 10 be praised-die.
The flowers Of fspeeeh-tu-iips.
The weight of . fooi-a simpietoa.
Natural gossippcrs-babblins brooks.
The largest rope In the worid-Europe.
lad christians-the stars, they sin-tiii-lsie-
The way 10 stop awoaAn's mouth-kiss 10.
The most driving busincss-that Of . Jehu.
Extracts that are never quoted-<iraun teeth.
The greatest pcrfamer-the centre Of the earth
The prelude We all enjoy-thAi 10 eternity liie'
A wooden wciding-marryinE bloch-hesd.
The best time to crack yoke-when it strikes
one.
Rcyer,iy John.on's treats have been far more
successful than his treaties
The inventor OF printing was no fool; but he
has caused myriads TO make fcols ofthemsei'es.
why is ANS. like q dead pisr Because 10 Is
done with the pen.
Awretch says tha, courtship Is bliss, but matri-
mony Is blister.
An Albany tippler swallowed chip nom mo-
lasses cask the other day and 10 killed HIM. Ter
rible warning against the use Of molasses.
A New York paper says Tom Thumb drinks, II
ne does, his wife has At least one oonsoiation-hc
doesn't hold much.
The first day little boy went 10 school the
teacher asked him ifho could spell. "fes, SIR.
"weli, how do you spell boy ~ "Oh, Just as other
folks do"
Pufing and blowing are ofscn considered as
synonymous terms. You win discover diner
ence, however, II, instead Of punang man up,you
blow him mp.
New England pa per says {: "Eratum.-in
our paragraph yesterday concerning thirteen
ministers who had been spanked In infancy, for
spanked read sprinkied."
Dickens says that the farmers estate which
pays best FOR cultivation, Is that within the ring
fence OF his skull No man can properly cultivate
uwho doesn't take the papers.
An Irishman was employed TO trim some fruit-
trees. He went IN the morning, and on returning
nj noon was asked II he had completed his work
"No,, was the reply; shut have cut them all
down, and am going to trim them In the amer
noon.'
A clergyman, who was consollng young wid-
ov ON the death OF her husband spoke In very
serious tone, remarklng that he was one OF the
G,w-such jewel OF Christian-you cannot find
his equal, you well know. To which the sobbing
fair one replied, with an almost broken heart,
am bet will.
Somebody wants 10 know the name OF the tune
that was "played upon the feelings and also II
the "cup OF sorrow' has saucer. The same In
auIsitor would like 10 know if"the light OF other
days. was gas or electricity. Also, fthe girl who
"clung to hope" had not slippery hold, and II
people do not get fatlgucd by "the exercise OF
enduIance.'
Henry Ward Beccher pities the devil thus 81
nm informed that before the Communication system
was abandoned by the ferry company, men OF
property and good standing In society would bold.
" declare that they had Communication ticket I'm
their pocket when they had none, for the sake Of
going through without paying. They did this
when the ferriage was but one penny. They lied
for the one cent. I pity the devill do not know
what he does with such men. II Is awful to be
chief magistrate for parcel Of men like themp
Human nature is given to nattery. Il delights
To- ,lo IT, 10 knows that the result OF tickling Is
laughter; and that laughter Is good. The odds
are in our favor when We please people; and de-
cilcdly against us when we don't. flattery may
do oyIl: IL Is apt TO ON weak minds. Tell plain
rirl, not OF strong mind, that she Is pretty, and
the chances are she will believe t, and be very |
glad To. Tell a pretty one she Is IN angel, and
she is not troubled with doubt rs 10 what you say
though as fact she Is considerably lower Than |
an angel. fiattery, however, when well bestow' |
s,I-delicately put ON with pencil, Instead OF
daubed on with u mop, and on proper subject
Is good thing.