Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1869-12-01
Putting up Stoves.

In consequence OF the arrival OF cold
weather once more, about these days
there is universal putting up Of stoves,
preparatory for tho winter campaign,
and undoubtedly a good deal of profani-
ty INDUCED in. One who has consider
able experience in the work Of putting
up stoves, says the the first step to be
taken, is TO put on very old and ragged
coat, under the impression that when he
gets his mouth full of plaster, it will keep
his shirt bosom clean. Next he gets his
hands inside the place where the pipe
ought to go, and blacks his fingers, and
then he carefully makes a black mark
down on one side of his nose. It is i'm
possible to make any headway, in doing
this work, until this mark is made down
the side Of the nose. Having got his
face properly marked, the victim is ready
TO begin the ceremony. The head of the
family-who is the big goose of the sac
rifiee-grasps one side of the bottom of
the stove, and his wife and the hired girl
take hold of the other side. In this way
the load is started from the wOOdshed to-
ward the parlor. Going through the
door the head of tho family will careful
" swing his side of the stove around ant
jam his thumb nail against the door.
This part of the ceremony is never
omitted.
Having got the stove comfortably in
place, the next thing is 10 find the legs.
Two of these are left inside the stove
since the spring before. The other two
must be hunted after for twenty-five
minutes. They are usually found under
the coal. Then the head of the family
holds up one side of the stove while his
wife puts two of the legs in place; and
next he holds the other side while the
other two are fixed, and one of the first
two falls out. BY the time the stove is
on its legs he gets reckless and takes of
his coat regardless of his linen. Then
goes for the pipe and gets a einder in his
eye. 1t dOnt make any difference how
well the pipe was put up last year it will
be found little too short or a little too
long. The head of the family Jams his
hat over his eyes and taking a pipe un-
der each arm goes to the tin shop to have
it fixed,
When he gets back he steps upon one
of the best parlor chairs to see if the pipe
fits, and his wife makes him get down
for fear he will scratch the varnish with
the nails in his boot heel. In getting
down he will surely step on the cat, and
may thank his stars it is not the baby
Then he gets an old chair and climbs up
to the chimney again to find that in cut
ting the pipe off the end has been left toe
big for the hole in the chimney. So he
goes to the wOOdshed and splits one end
Of the pipe with an old axe and squeezes
it in his hands to make it smaller. Fl
nally he gets the pipe in shape and finds
the stove does not stand true. Then
himself and wife and the hired girl, move
the stove to the left, and the legs fall out
again. Next it is to move to the right.
More difficulty with the legs. Moved to
the front little. Elbow not even with
the hole in the chimney, and he goes to
the wOOdshed after some little blocks
While putting blocks under the legs, the
pipe comes out of the chimney. Thai
remedied the elbow keeps tipping over
to the great alarm of the wife. Head o
the family gets the dinner table out, pu:,
his old chair on it, gets his wife hold tC
the chair, and balances himself on it, tC
drive some nails into the ceiling. Drop:
the hammer on to his wife's head. A
| last he gets the nails driven, makes /;
wire swing to hold the pipe, hammers +;
] little here, pulls a little there. takes
long breath, and announces the ceremo
ny completed. Job never put up any
stoves. It would have ruined his repu
tation if he had.