The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1869-03-26


why docs donkey eat a thistlei Because he
Is an ass.
Lovers, like armies, set along well enough TIL
engaged.
VIVA, should q Clergyman preach abOut' AbOu,
quarter Of an hour.
Men viii wrangle tor religion; write for 70; light
for &c; anything bufiive tori 10.
Never run In debt-espcciaily at the shoe-mak'
er's-for then you can't say your sole Is your
own.
Awar proposes TO publish new paper TO DO
called the Comet, with IN original tale every
week.
P..ea thinks the poorest farmer In inc iahu, II
unable TO feed his calves. can always srahe MS
shlns.
I'm. william williams Of Chicago, who Is an
roupee,i rs a bankrupt, Is therefore called de-
aeicncy bill
Western Journalist objects 30 female suffrage
n, the ground that Ii would cause 100 h'uoh
"pairing on" at the polls
sr,. word debt Is composed Of the initials Of,
,.,,,, every body twice" Credit Is formed OF
an. initial letters OF "Caii regularly every day
III trust"
Ask vour brother just home from college for the
holiday. 10 write down, without hesitation, IN
oures. twelve thousand twelve hundred and
twelve dollars. We hope he will do IL correctly
Thus: sisis.
A maiden Indy, abiding 10 her youthful accom-
nlishments, said thai nc six months OF age she
went alone. A malicious individual remarked'-
aYes. and YOU have been gong alone ever
since"
Miss Lizzie Boyntcn Of crawfordville, Ind,
having leciurcd ON the subject "Aiter Suffrage,
Whatr' received an answer the other day In the
shape of IN old pair Of trowsers, Jacket and a
dun razor.
For those who, like the sepulchres OF old, boast
o. their virtues, Ju-t nx upon their forehead
pretty big piece OF suspicion. Punetnre their
skin anywhere and the blood will show muddy
appearance.
A clock IL a sore puzzle TO pugilist, FOR though
|, is up to time always, Il only strikes nj the hours,
and takes a day in getting through single rohnd.
IL spars so badly too, always holding both Its
hands before it, face.
An old Methodist preacher going to one OF his
appointments, was met by magistrate OF the
county who asked why he didnt do rs the Saviour
did-rido an ass. "Because." said the divine,
",he people have taken them all to make magis-
trates OFF,
A little girl was very fond OF preaching to her
dolls. Her mother heard her one day reproying
one Of them for being so wicked. "oh, you
naughty, sinful child" she said, shakingthe wax
en- limbs, "you'il 10 TO the lake Of birthstone, and
you won't burn up-youil just sirrle."
A minister In Connecticut few sabbaths since,
seeing several closed eyes in the house, startled
his hearers by the bold assertion, "There Is not
truth In the Bible" followed by pause long
enough TO wake all the sieepers In the congrega-
ton. Then he continued, shat Is not applica'
BILE to some condition OF daily life"
II YOU haven't business, advertise; IL you have
business, advertise. People 80 10 places that are
advertised, and they go by those that are not
Mace that adyertises Is known TO the world; that
which does not Il only known 10 the few that may
pass IL, and pretty much everybody does the lat
ter.
A worthy deacon In n town somewhere In Norm
America, gave notice at prayer meeting the
oiI,er night, Of q church meeting that was to y
held Immediately after, and unccnsciously addeu'
.sTherc Is no objection to the female brethren re-
malnlngV lnls was equaAet " NN'eS
who told In his sermon OF very affecting scene,
where "therc wasn't dry tear In the houseP
An Ohio editor Is getting particular about what
he eats. Hear him: "The woman who made the
butter which we bought last week Is respectfully
,,opested 10 exercise more Judgment In proper.
tionins the ingredients. The last batch had 100
much hair for butter, and not quite enough Tor
waterfall. There Is no sense In making yourself
bald.headed, II butter Is thlrty'hye cents n
pound.
The negro air, "Not for joe" Is adopted by
revival preacher In England. lie has u;
"rye given my heart to Jesus,
And mean 10 keep II sol
" In. devil wants to have 10 all,
Ill tell him, Not for Joe.'
Lord. give me strength TO fight,
And battle every foe
n tempted TO forsake my God,
To cry out-'nOt for joe"
The following Is an epitaph on the tombstone OF
sol. smith, "a good actor and good man, In st.
Louis -
SOL. SMITH.
Rctired Actor.
ls0i-lS-.
.,Iife's but walking shadow; apoor player,
That struts and fic,s his hour upon the stage,
And then u heard no more"
the worlds q stage,
And all the men and women merely players"
KIT SOL.