The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1869-06-25
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WIT AND HUMOR,


ATEACHER of penmanship, in twelve
lessons, taught lawyer to read his own
writing. ...f..... ..l
LITTLE DA1sY's mother was trying
to explain to her the meaning of smile.
"Oh,yes / know" said the child; at is
the whisper OF laugh"
A sCHooL-MAsTER asked fair pupil,
"Can you decline kiss ?' "Yes, SIR"
she replied, "but / hate TO, plagued
ly." ......
A BOY, years old,in one of our pub
lie schools, having been told that rep
tile sis an animal that creeps," on be-
ing asked to name one, promptly re-
piled "a baby"
A TEACHER said to little girl Mt
school "If naughty girl should hurt
you, like good girl, you would forgive
her, wouldn't your" "Yes, ma'am,"
she replied, "if couldn't catch her -
amy hearers" said an enthusiastic
Texas orator, "truth is mighty and will
prevail; truth beats eggs all hollow, and
why? Because, truth crushed to the
earth will rise again, but eggs won't"
TALKING of the education question,
traveller observed that as ho was
walking on one occasion under the ar
cade of the horticultural garden, look
ing at the works of art displayed there,
he came upon two well-dressed ladies
examining a statuette of Andromcda,
labelled executed in terra Gotta" Eek
ecuted in Terra Gotta, "says one;"where
is that ?" 81 am sure 1 don't know"
returned the other, "but pity the poor
girl wherever it was"
"YoUNG MAN, what's the price of
this silk ?p asked a deaf old lady. H.
"Seven dollars" was the reply.
Seventeen dollars !" exclaimed she;
"I'll give you thirteen" H
"Scven dollars, ma'am, is the price
of the silk" replied the honest shop
man. " '.1tt i
ooh, seven dollars" replied the lady.
sharply; "I'll give you tive." ''ii if'
A LITTLE boy and girl had been eau
toned never to take the nest egg when
gathering the eggs; but one evening
the girl reached the nest first, seized an
egg and started for the house. Her dis
appointed brother followed, crying:
"Mother, mother, Susy she's been and
got the egg the old hen measures
by"
WASN'T ACQUAINTED.-"Wh is
it," said one of our school-marms to
young scapegrace who had caused her
much trouble by her bad conduct, "why
is it you behaved so well when you
first came to school, and are so disobe-
dent now ?'' BECAUSE" said young
hopeful, looking up into the teachers
face, 81 wasn't much acquainted then"
AN incompletely reconstructed South
erner moved to Vermont lately, and
soon afterward his family was increased
by the addition of "native Vernon
ter" His oldest son, a boy of four
years was at first delighted with his lit
| tie brother, but after few weeks began
to tire of his crying, and got little
jealous from fancied neglect. One day
he climbed up into his fathers lap, and
asked him, "Papa, which do you like
best, me or baby?" The father, think
ing to please the little prattler, answer
| ed that he liked him best. After Sc
rious thought, the shrewd youth said
spa, l know why you like me the
hest" ''Why?" asked the father. "It's
because Pm Southern man and baby
| is id Yankee" nt.|.
THE Titusville Herald of a recent
date tells the following dog story;
Yesterday morning the Mayor opened
registry book for dogs, and during
the day number of dog owners appear
ed, and had the names and descriptions
of their animals duly recorded, ,and paid
the required tax. While these proceed
ings were in progress, "A paving was
heard outside the doOr, and IA loud bark
ing for admission. Upon opening the
door little Scotch terrier (the proper
ty of A. Pierce) was discovered, hold
ing letter in his mouth, and wagging
his tail for admission. He walked up
to the Mayor deliberately and having
delivered the letter sat down upon his
launches, and with an expression Of
canine dignity, awaited the result of his
mission. The letter read as follows:
To the Hon. the Mayor of Titusvilie:
My name is Skip. Being an orderly
dog, and wishing to conform TO the
laws, l desire to be registered as
in duty bound will ever pray, &C.
his