The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1869-12-09
The Josh Billings Papers.
THE SiOU SE


Ever since nstur was discovered mice
hav had 4 hul. tew fill
Paradise, NJ good job NJ il wax, would
not hav bin thorooghly fitIed out without
a mouse tew dart akrost the bowers like
a shsddo, AMI Eve would never hav knu
( how tew skream pretty without one ov
( these little teachers.
Adam would never hav bin fit tew kon-
! tend with the job ov Citing living OUT
side the garden if he hadn't trupped suck
cessfully for mouse.
ketching a mouse Z the fust cunning
thing that every man duz
Mice are the epitome of shrewdness
their faces beam with sharp praktiss;
their little noses smell ov cunning, and
their little black beaded eyes litter with
f. PETIT larceny
They are az cheerful az the criket on
! the harth. should be afrade tew buy a
house that hadn't a mouse hole in it.
ike tew see them shoot out ov their
hole in the corner, like a wad ov' pops
gun, and Stream akross the nursery. and
tew hear one nibble in the wainscot, in
the midst ov The night, takes the death
I ont ov silence.
Mice aIwus move into ncw house
fust. and are there reddy 10 receive and
wclkun Ihe rest ov the family.
Thy are more ornamental than useful.
ackording 10 the best intormashun we hav
az yet bat this Il the case with most
/ things.
Mice cum into this world tew seek their
/ fortune, fm al time, and lay in their
/ littlr krsdle1 of cotton, Or wool, like bis
ov rare-.iun meat, for month, with not
"a rag on them
When lhey dine, they do il ist az
family ov suuR pjegs drz each one at
theis OWN particular spot at the table, and
ii Is s,ldum that yu see bettcr-Oehaved
boarders, or them that uuderst and their
bizzness more thoroughly
hav seen them at tneir meals, and
will take nj oath that eseryihirg IL order
", and ~ strikly on the square AZ
checker board.
When mice hqv reached their manhood
their talcs are just the same length as iheir
Lodiys. Tlis would seem at first sight
ten be CRATE Waste ov tail.
The Philosoplik mind, evsr at work
applying means teg ends, might he biug
phnol euuT tew want to know wbi "a bob
Jailed mouse wouldn't be a better finished
job but philosophy has 10 Gizzness tew
;liter things tew suit the market. II must
take mouse-tails jnst ms they cum, and
either s!orify them shut up.
1t thare want emmy body in the nafraI
philosophy tiade, have thought It would
if he kant orr tbodox reason for the en-
T lire length mouse's tail. IL often will.
ing tew tell his nabors that the whole crit
ter IL a fa,lle.
Such IL man but mouse IL a mouss.
The mouse kan live anywhere tew ad
vantage, except in a church. They phatt
very slow in a church. This goes few
show that they kant live on religion emmy
Rlore than minister kan. Religion Iz
excellent for digestion.
Ih;Te aint a more prohfich thing on
earth (prohiick ov fun mean nox) than
"a mouse in distrilt school-house. They
are better than fire cracker to stir up "a
schuol-marm with, and are Just the things
few throw spe!lin> books at when they are
on the run
I One mouse viii e'lukate parcell ov
yung ones more in ten minnits during
school~time than you can substrakt out
nv their heds in three days with Daballs
arithlnetik
Now thare IL menny folks who kant
see anything to write abort in mouse !.
but mice are full ov informashun. The
/ only way that cdukaShun was fust dis
kovered waz bi going to school TO natur.
Books, if they are sound on the goose, are
only natnr in tipe.
4 crate menny kontend that a mouse
IL useless kritter but kan they prove III
am willing to give an opinyun that
too many mice might not pay but this
applies to musketoze, elephants and side
wheel steam5otes
I A mOuses tale IL az uIhairv az
shustring. This il another thing that
boihers the philosophers, and / aint going
10 explain it unless am paid for it.
/ hav already explained a crate menny
things in The nuzepaPers that never got
cent for
There aint nothing on earth that will
/ tit hole so snug az a mouse will Yu
would think they waz made on purpose
for II. Ard they will fit il quicker, too,
than ennylhing ever saw If yu want
'ew see mouse enter his hnle, yu mustn't
NIX If yu do, you will has to wait till
next lin O.
| Inv mice They seem few be'onr TO
US. Rats don't luv. They lack refins-
uisni.-- New York Weekly.