The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1869-10-02


looking around for some time and making
sundry remarks about the taste of his deceased
mother, he finally pitched upon one which the
stone-cutter had prepared for another person.
II like this one, said he.
But" said the manufacturers "that belongs
to another man, and has Mrs. Perry's name cut
on it; it wouldn't do for your mother"
"Oh, yes, it would" said the countryman.
'she couldn't read. And, besides, he continued,
as he observed the wonderment of the stone
cutter, Perry was always favorite name of
hers, any howl"
GIRL OF TIE AGE.-A paper thus describes
n specimen of this genus in New Yorli:-"She
went to the theatre and two parties in one even
ing, carried on three lirtations at each, and the
next day refused three offers of marriage, ac-
cepted two and broke off three previous en-
gagements; read four novels, wrote two letters
and one hundred notes of invitation, practlsed
her music lesson, made herself new waterfall,
ate breakfast lunch and dinner enough for two
milkmen; took walk on Fifth avenue, bought
two pounds of French candy and ate it rode to
the Central Park with one of her lovers and
walked home with the other"
A GOOD IDEA, BUT Too LATE.-Tbe old gem
tleman came home from church enthusiastic.
He found Frank instgating a small dog and a
Ia ge cat to enter the ring.
why, Frank he said, chow could you stay
away from church? ! have heard one of the
most delightful sermons ever delivered before a
Christian society. it carried me to the gates of
heaven"
''Wel think, replied Frank, 'you had bet
ter have lodged in, for you will never have such
another chance
The Spanish ladiesa are in great embarrassment.
Two came very near being arrested the othcrday
in Madrid for wearing one coral ornaments, and
the other Margucrtcs in her hair. Red coral
is the emblem OF the Republicans, and white
Marguerites are a token of sympathy with the
Carlist cause. Blue is Isabelst. But how are
the ladies to dress il all the colors are suspected?
1t is true that yellow is left; but then everybody
does not like yellow. 1t may do for brunettes
but what will become Of the blondes?
A sailor complained of the power of the cap
tains, and spoke bitterly of the characters of the
shippers of the day.
why" said he, mot long ago, on the coast
of Alriller, n cap'n was going to throw one of
the crew that was dying overheard before he
was dead. So the man says You amt a-going
to bury me alive, are you oh says the
capn, you needn't DC 50 Jolly particular to a
few minutes y"
ANSWERING 4 QUEsTION.-It is related of
certain minister OF Maine, who was noted for his
long sermons with many divisions, that one day
when he was advancing among his teens. he
reached at length kind of resting-pace in his
DISCOURSE when, Tausing to take breath he
asked the question,
"And what shall say more?"
voice from the congregation earnestly re-
sponded, ''Say Amen!"
-----~---------~-----------
Two teachers were 1ScusSinp thp efficacy Of
corporal punishment in education.
II can speak from large experience" said
one. II have always used it in my school; and
every one knows that my scholars are the cream
of our aristocracy."
''Ihe whipped cream, if you please, reioined
his opponent.
CuIran being ut party at the seat of an Irish
nobleman, one of the company, who was a ply
sican, strolled out before dinner into the church.
yard. Dinner being served up, and the doctor
not returned, some of the company were ex-
pressing their surprise where he could be gone to-
"Oh ~ says Curran, she has just stepped out
to pay visit to some Of his old patients"
Trips has lately noticed that the milk left
every morning at his house savors very strongly
of the aqueous fluid. In fact, he one morning
actually accused his milkman of watering it.
That worthy drew himself proudly up and re-
piled that he scorned the impeachment; but he
did water his COWS that morning, and he sup
posed that must be it." Trips went to bed.
A countryman, walking along the streets of
town, found his progress stopped by close bar
ricade of timber.
'What is that for ?" he said to a person in the
street.
'Oh, that's for to stop the cholera"
"Ah! 1 have often heard of the board of
health, but | never saw one before"
Your handwriting is very bad indeed" said a
gentleman to young college FRIEND who was
more addicted to boating and crcketing than to
hard study ''yeu really ought to learn to write
better"
'Ay ay" returned the young man; ''it is all
very well for you to tell me that; but, if l were
| to write better people would be finding out how
! / spell"
dyspeptic and melanchole young profess
| sional man once bewailed his prospects to
| Chief Justice Parsons, and said he didn't see
| how he should ever get through the world,
"Did you ever know any one to stop on the
way r" was the rave and consoling reply.
| A pupil in defamation, having been told to
gesticuate according to the sense, in commen-
cling piece with "Tne comet lifts its fiery tail, -
innocently lifted the tail Of his coat and looked
around for applause.
WILL IT EVER BE OTHERWIsE?-Thcre is so
| much adulterauon in whatwe eat and drink that
4 ti,,, how to Io tai,