Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1869-03-13
The Adventures Of Fitzgerald Wright,
b. &. A,

u. b. a.
Last week our town was visited by an in
dividual who registered his name as H. G.
Wright, L. s. 4. Our pcaceabls citizens
quietly pursued their usual vooa'ions, un'
awed by the august presence by which
they were honorcd. There were same pco.
pie, however. who greatly wondered the
true import Of the mysterious letters. to
solve which would be to solve another
knotty problem: if an invitation to /" dine
at four" would not add largely to the tone
of our frontier but thriving aristocracy.
Time, and the individuals own actions,
finally solved the riddle, and it was known
to tho wise that the letters L. S. y. merely
hcraldcd to the community that the Un-
mitigated Swindlcr had Arrived. This
was doubtless what the Jeremy Didder
meant, when he placed them with fantastic
flourish after one Of the many fanciful cog
nomens he was won't to assume. At Van
couvcr he appeared as Fitzgerald" in
some parts Of Oregon as Wilson," but
he, with eommcndablc foresight. reserved
for the Capital Of our Territory the high
toned appellation of " II. &. Wright, U. s.
A." The individual doubtless expected
to make sensation by "frills and French.
es." Assuming that in wooden country
the people must necessarily all be block
heads, he pitched his tent (mctaphorically
spcakipg) and "plicd his VOCATION
Our business houses were now sought by
the man Of many names. ss the bee seeks
the Aowcrct to revcl in its hidden treasures.
Reposing upon shelves in pyramidal regu-
larity, in fanc;cd security and VIC may say
olcagnous favor, were countless boxes Of
Mediterranean fish ofthe herring family,
vulgarly dcnominatcd sardines. Upon
these, like a wolf Selling his prey, did the
man Of many names and august presence
fasten his gaze; upon t. helpless and
inanimate objects he laid hs profane hands
And why? Simply because Uncle Samu-
els brand, despite licking and pressing,
failed to stick! From these objects, his
vision took wider range, and three bottles
of pcpper-sauce, few bottles ofswcet oil,
and several other articles were added by
way Of relish.
But this did not constitute the full meas
urc Of his iniquity. Two full days the man
of names persisted in following his nose
into all sorts of places where that particu-
lar nasal appendage was totally and entirely
out of place, and had that nose been vio-
lcntly pulled, We think its owner would
have been placed under countless obliga-
tions to the philauthropist who would un-
dertakc so loathsome task. The man of
names, whose " companion" is Of the fcmi-
nine Cor shall VIC say neutcr y gender, final
ly commenced this unwarrantablc vocation
of following his nose, by proxy, and petit
coats were made to conceal the cnormity of
proceedings pantaloons in their present
circumscribed shape, would never have
done. Hence We hear of the companion"
aourishing pistols, seizing upon articles
which she supposed had been struggled
from Victoria, and dcporting herself much
as if she would have been greatly benefit.
teddy having her proboscis describe the arc
Of a circle, propelled by vigorous fingers
and an energetic will.
But why moralize? Why should VIC be
judge, while our ncighbors are filed with
charity? Like dew it fingers in the air and
gently dcscends to nourish the virtues of
moderation and forbcarance. They keep
in constant view the adage "Charity COW
ercth multitude of SINS" and are con-
trollcd by the divine preccpt. Thinking
they might err, they would rather that
ninety and nine Of the guilty should escape
than that one innocent person should suf:
fer. Magnnnimous thought!
But then there came nm artisan, work
er in iron, whose charity may be great al.
though it vaunteth not, and he determined
that he, in his individual capacity, would
be the man who should "bcard the lion,"
or-to speak with more precision-probe
the wonder, solve the mystery, and inform
Us precisely upon what meat this Caesar
fed that he was grown so great. So arm.
ing himself with q comic section Of what
might have once been abung. borer, he sal.
lied forth, when 10! the lion, refreshed by
the ministrations of Somuus, came also
forth to sniff the first breezcs of morn, and
to scent the balmy scphyrs from old Nep.
tunes briny wave. Our knight braced
his nerves. and straichtwav accostinr the