Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1869-05-21
MOZis AddHmS' Objections to the
Wimmin.
His Objections to Them.

has known and luved 'em we'll those
many a year but has my objeckshun to
wImmln. 1t ar this-everything about 'em
Is too long. Thar cotetail is too long it
RIFLES on the ground like running water
and gethers up dert and trash like harry
kane doze going roun fodder stak. But
shipp under full sail ought to have a
wake, and wooden hav wimmins frocks
Gu: off to thar waste like jemp-iackit for
pretty.
Thar shoe strings is too long. A man
KIN war boots 'thout no strings tall, ex-
ceptin Of the strop, but wummun is bleest
to have cossets round her ankles and lace
EN- up like 2 par of stays May be it
makes m walk no prettier. I dunno
Thar heels Nv thar shoes is alsoe too long,
aud thar sox is too long-takes all day to
draw them on.
Thar eXtremmytis is too long. They kin
set in chair low doun, and kick man
that is a setsin in high chair, IL foot of
IN elcar, clean outen tho hous. Now Jon
Ekkles nor the Belgin jiunt, nor mar nuth-
ner man, can't do that standin. This
gives 'em an on1ew idvantidge over thar
master, Man, in the urly stage NV the
game. Arfter marridge, the gain ov
kicking Is more evener.
shall not say thar waste is to long, on.
ClOCl6E
good, and are pedustriated to be ole mades
A long barrel womun are an utter abomi
nashun. [ prefears Durringer.
| Thar necks is too long. A neck Nv
wummun are like untoo the moon in the
Almenack when the sas "Luner runs low,
and like the bress of goose it embraces
| good deal Nv the back. Eff the neck Nv &
man were like the neck of q wummun, the
knott of his cravatt wood rest on the phi
Nv his stummuck. When O wummun runs
to neck, she outruns ennything except ar
ostrich or kamme leppud, and her heG
hangs away out yonder like an appel or
the eend Nv a stick that boy is gointel
to sling green appels with. And in them
casts have observed that whar the head
are at such q distunce from the hart, the
wummun is a onfeelin Wummun. And the
neck is rinkedly.
WHY THEY LOVE LONG THINGS.
Eff evrything about 'em is too long, as ]
have sheWd, nobody needn't wondur that
wlmmln shood have great pOnshOnl
(French) for long things, which, eff you
stop to think about it minnit, wonder
fool teecher Nv femail karrieture. Long
kerls. long brades, long ribbens, long har-
pins, long nitten-neediIs, long gluvs, CANT
Its and mitSs, long list wuckquaintunsis,
long akounts at the dry-guds stos, long
shoppins, long walks with their luvers
(which they luv 'em long hard, with long
beerds and long mustachers), long, all day
preechings, long buggy rides, long item
Citing reduy to start, and then, Wust NV
all by long shot, long leave-takins, that
urrltates man wussern plarster Nv ken
therridees. And then, so divvoatid they
is to everything long, they'll set doun, with
long pen pint in long pen handil, and
write long letter, crost up one side and
doun the uther, and then add two or three
long pos-skrips like tackin NV SEVERAL
founsis to long skeert), fold it up length
wise, and put it in long envellup and
seal it with a long stick NV sealing waxx
In fact so great is thar horro NV short
things, that they wouldn't make peeriud
Or short stop to save 20 soul, but makes a
long dash in plais Nv peeriuds, commers
and everything, SO that it ruin yo eyesite
and talk away your breth to rede thar let
ters, which is like creashun, broke loose
and lonjytude skatterd everywhichawa in
fragments Nv lattytude. Why evin the
5ops Nv thar "ts is long like the mast
Nv shipp, crost with long crosses like
yard arms, and the bottom Nv thar {" g's
is so long that they look like stirrup leth-
ers hangin doun 'thout emmy stirrups to
'en.
In cunciewshun, they livs too long, givin
Nv man (preechurs is diffrunt), no chanse
to marry but one in lifetiem, wharas O
avvridge Nv about seven to man would
be about right, jedge.