The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-07-31
VARIOUS ITEMS.

sary for choir !?
Do the Intellectual efforts of a man to
lift barrel of sugar come under the head
of sweet strains
What does the musical scale weigh
Are the fingers hand organs
A Friendly suit-A Quaker's dress
A stamp act-Treading on peoples
toes.
How to stick TO your oath-Swear by
gum.
Whas is the most enlightened nation
Illumination.
The Markets-Ladies' hair has an up-
ward tendency.
A sweet sight-A pair Of lovers chew
ing taffy in a theatre.
Sweetening ones coffee is generally the
first stirring event Of tho day.
Stockings are now darncd by machin-
cry, and they are darned nice.
why should wood cutter never be
hungry? Because he can always have q
chop by axing.
Can a civil engineer inform us how II
is that the mouths of rivers are larger
than their heads
A wag of a boarder complained to the
mistress that the sun must have gone
under cloud when the shadow of the
chicken fell into the pot where her broth
was made.
An inebriated man walking along the
street regarded the moon with sovereign
contempt. You needn't be so proud,
ole fellow" he said "You're full only
once month, while 1 am full every
night"
A New York cook recently give notice
to the family in which she is employed,
that she had made up her mind to go to
Newport this summer, and if the family
will go there she will stay with them
otherwise she must leave!
A handsome young bride was observed
to be in deep reflection on her wedding
day. Gne ,f her bridesmaids asked her
the subject of her meditations. 81 was
thinking" she replied, (which Of my
old beaux l should marry if 1 should
| become a widow"
A cockuey, who went out rabbit
shooting, observing donkey peeping
over hedge, Immediately leveled his
piece, exclaiming "Ry Jove! thar
must be the father of all rabbits"
"Wcll, miss said knight of the
birchen rod, "can you decline kiss 2''
"Yes, SIR replied the girl, dropping a
perplexed courtesy, "but I'd rather not"
Hans. Wachenhusen, the German feu-
illetonist, says, in a recent article, that
a certain Miss Arabella sold, at fair in
New York, 5000 kisses for dollar each.
We heard good story the other night
of two persons engaged in duel. After
the first fire one of the seconds proposed
that they should shake hands and make
up. The other second said he saw no
necessity for that, for their hands had.
been shaking ever since they began
Mr.. Burlingames two balls in Paris.
cost the Emperor of China $50 1000.
In San Francisco there have been re-.
s"i ueu uiuCey-I"o iucoHieS IN excess OF
O,O0O.
Paper petticoats are now sold in Lon
don at sixpence each Shoes are made
of the same material.
When did Moser sleep Eve in q bed
When he slept with his forefathers.
] At Tacubaya, Mexico. recently, two
young and pretty women fought duel
with pistols, and one was seriously
wounded. Love was at the bottom of
the affair.
r I. Barnum is said to be worth ono
million dollars.
King William, of Prussia, is seventy
two years old, and reads without the aid
of spectacles.
The other day, Mrs. Sarah Cook, of
Fall river, Massachusetts,, died, aged 1O8.
| ofthe 1000 varieties of peas, only 70
or 80 are considered Of any value.
Fifteen hundred eggs were accidentally
broken in front of the Batavia On. Y.)
Post Office not long since, and the Presi-
dent Of the village had to spread barrel
Of coal tar over tho street and then set
fire TO it, to destroy the smell of bad
eggs.