Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-12-03
glnnafolls.

If you wonld not nave affection visit you
twice, listen at once to what il teaches
Has it been noticed that ladies who like
long trains are partial to the outskirts?
Loafers, as a class, are no fools. They are
always an owing set Of fellows.
Ifa redbreast comes into your fruit garden,
does he come there robbin?
Why are the clouds like coachmen BE
cause they hold the rains.
1t is true Of many men that their memory
is nothing but row OF hooks to hang up
grudges on.
What class Of women are most aptto give
tone to society2 The bellies.
Why is 6 married man like a candle? Be-
cause he sometimes goes out at night when
he ought not to.
An Irishman said he did not come to this
country for want. lie bad abundance of that
in his own country.
Marrying and settling down is now called
co. operative house keeping.
No man win ever be able to build house
by carrying bricks in his hat.
a young lady being asked why the noun
bachelor is singular, replied, because it's
very singular they don t get married"
1vuy Is yUus muse Ia nc ...saaie or s--.-.
face2 Because it is the scenter
When IS a blow from a lady welcome ?
When she strikes you agreeably,
Among the various stations in life the least
desirable Of all is the police station.
What debt is that for which you can not be
sued The debt Of nature,
The prettiest lining for a bonnet is a pretty
face.
Men of poblest disposition .hink themselves
happiest when others share their happiness
with them.
The three essentials for happiness-some-
thing to do, something to love, and something
to live for.
Who is the LATEST man The furniture
man he keeps chairs aud lounges about all
the time.
LET a young woman take the degrees Of
A. B.-that is bride-and she may hope in
due time to be entitled to that of A. NJ.
AS Iowa parer says: Otis all a mistake
about Henry Clay Dean being vain man.
Soft sosp has the least effect on him Of any
man we ever saw.
A LAZY fellow once declared in a public
company that he could not find bread for his
family. "Nor !, replied an industrious me.
chauici 81 am obliged to work for il"
DouGL4s JERRoLD having been invited to a
large dinner party at the house Of his friend,
Mr. Pepper, observed upon entering the room,
with a cordial shake of the hand, '9Iy dear
Mr. Pepper, how delighted you must be to
see so many devoted friends mustered.
"SHALL l cut this loin Of mutton saddle.
wise ~ said gentleman. mo, said one
Of his guests, ''cut it bridlewise, for then
may chance to get a bit in my mouth.
4 LADY having bought sausages of a couple
Of boys, overheard them disputing about the
money.
L4fS lAiS At@4A5 saJs OuE
''No, I won't, says the other
"Now, that amt fair, you know faint,
Joe, for half the pup was mine.
NEw ORLEANS relates a case of absentmiGd-
eduess. A gentleman writing at his break.
fast table dipped his pen in the coffee and
continued his letter. Noticing his mistake,
he pat a large lump Of sugar in the ink
and then, finding his second bluuder, poured
the contents of the inkstand into the coffee,
cup to set it right
"CAN You tell me, asked pompous
sehool-committee-man Of a modest little girl,
why Nature did not make asparagus grow
with each end equally succulent?" "Because,
if had, it would have been impossible for
man to hold it in his fingers, was the salts
factory reply.
A LADY who had boasted highly at dinner
party Of the good manners Of her little dar.
ling, addressed him thus;
Charlie, my dear, wont you have some
beans?"
"No," was the iIl-mannered reply Of the
petulent cherub.
"No" exclaimed the astOuished mother.
mo what ?''
NO beans said the child
Az Hibernian officer, being once in COM
pany with several who belonged to the same
corps, one of them, In laugh, said he would
lay dozen Of claret that the Irishman made
b0l before the evening was over.
! Done, said Terence. The wager was
laid, and by way Of puzzling him, he was ask
ed how many bulls there we're in that town.
Five, said he.
"HoT do you make them out?' said the
other.
Faith, said he, there is the Black Bull
in the market-plaoe, and the Red Bull over
the way then there is the Pied Bull Just BY
the bridge, and the White bull at the cor.
ner."
They are but four, said the other.
Why arrah, said he, ''there is the Dun
Cow in the Butche7.row.''
That's bull said the other.
'Bs jabeTs,' said be, ''then 1 have won
my wager, for yoa have made the bull aad not
me.
WANTED THEM SoRrED AeAIS.-The fol-
loving story IRON the -45ead. Zeitalg, The
German evening paper Of Chicago, deserves
translation. It says.
1T was a small bat merry company that
met last evening at our friend Kenkers, un.
der the Sherman House. Bottle followed
bottle in rapid succession, and the tone Of
the imbibers was the most exalted. But
faally came a reaction, a drowsiness overlook
the majority, and aIl but four departed. This
quartette had 'it so nobly that the field was
literally strewn with their bodies, and aid
was required to getthem home. According
y the proprietor called carriage from the
staad opposite the way, and with difficulty
deposited a customer in each corner. He
then turned to the driver aud instructed him
as follows.