Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-10-12
NOSE SKINNER.

In his "Recollections of Lazy Life, pub
lished in the Boston True Flag, Nose Skinner
thus discourses after announcing the death Of
his wife, Tabitha:
Tins nv wife died. No more would those
loving hands pull off my boots and part my
back hair as only true wife can. NO more
would those willing feet replenish coal-ho and
water-pail. No more would she arise mid the
temnestuous storms of winter, and gaily HE
herself away to build the fire, without disturb
inp the slumbers of the man who dotted on her
so artlessly. Her memory is embalmed IN my
heart of hearts wanted to embalm her body
but found could embalm her memory much
cheaper. =
procured of Eli Mudgett, neighbor OF
mine, very pretty gravestone. His wife was
consumptiye, and he had kept it on hand for
several years, in expectation OF ner Death
But she rallied that spring, and his hopes were
dashed, Never shall I forget this poor mans
grief when [ asked him to part with this grave
Stone. Take it, Skinner said he; ''tak e 1t
and NAV YOU never know what 1t IS to have
vour soul racked with disappointment as mine
has been !" and he burst into a food of tears.
His spirit was indeed utterly crushed.
had the following epltaph engraved upon
To the memory of
TABITHA,
Wife Of Nose Skinner, Esq, the gentlemanly
editor of the Trombone.
A kind mother, and exemplary wife. Ga.
Terms, So. year, invariably IN ADVANCE.
Office over Hanson's grocery, up Two nights.
Knock hard.
1--WE shall miss thee mother.
We shall miss thee mother
Job Printing solicited
Thus did my lacerated spirit cry out infits
agony, even as Rachel weeping for her children.
But one ray of light penetrated the despair OF
printing, aud the sexton owed me little bill L
shouldn't have get in any other way
here pause to drop silent tear to the mem
ory of Tabitha Ripley that was. She GSs an
eminently pious woman, and could Try highest
piece of tripe ever slung under my vest. Her
picked-up dinners were perfect succesS and
she always dotted on Foreign Missions
did not, however, allow myself to pine away
to any great extent. In the person OF Matilda
Baxter. gushing coquette of forty-seven au-s
tumns, did perceivesa salve formy lacerated
heart-strings. AS soon, therefore, as | could
smother my anguiskAnd change my clothing to
Matilda B. s did T HE myself away, on the
sweet wings Of love. Never shall [ forget our
It was calm still night in June III and all ma
ture had been hushed into repose blythe judi
cious use of Mrs. Winslow's soothing syrup
Matilda and [ were walking pensiveH among
repeating those touching lines aby John Bun
yam
1.-TWO beats MtthlbHt single head:x
x Two cabbages with one.1~
Around us the frolicsome June bug gaily
waIzed, and the cheerful hum of the mosquito
added pathos to the scene while in the ada
cent mill-pond the.gaileless b,ll frog performed
a select anthem~to.the parting day. Afar off
in the western horizon the sun was setting,
which he did in his Usual hunky style, without
bursting AIRY button off his trousers. Nothing
disturbed the solemn stiffness but the gentle
beaving of her bosom and the gentle heaving
of small boy who had been smoking a sheroot
in the woodshed. | was trying to imagine, with
the pure affection of youth, how many stamps
she had laid away, and she was engaged in
heaying an elegant assortment of signs, vary
ing from small to a large size.
The ecstatic rapture which stepped my soul
in bliss overcame me, aids selling Matilda by
her waterfall, I implanted the pure kiss of be-
trothal behind her left ear. g. ,at
She gazed at me with silent rapture, and,
while the love-light cleaned with dewy soft
ness from those liquid orbs appraised to mine,
she said: =.
skinner, have you taken bath lately ?"-
She continued: ''You are an old fool IF you
.ain't got spunk)enough to bring this bile to
head, | have Come, Set the day, my ETHEREAL
bloat, my festive bald-headed finikin"
Thus, with honied words of love. did we be-
guile the time.
We were married in church, my children as
chief mourners, occupying front seats. There
were no cards, except game of euchre, to see
who should sleep in the front .side of the bed
We took short bridal tour, she going to Hing
ham to see her aunt Abigail and / coming to
Boston to buy new. set of type for the from
bone 1t was about the time shat all was so
quiet on the Potomac; but that day Boston
was in fever Of excitement, because it was
limited in official circles that -the COMMANDING
general would move.as soon as his rent became
due, though he hated to leave Mason and Dix
on's line, it was so handy to hang the clothes
on, On washing days.
Nv second venture On the sea of matrimonv
has not been success Metaphorically speak
ing mysecond plate Of matrimonial hash has
soured on my hands On returning to my dom
icile in Slunkville, my wife addressed me in the
following chaste language:
s'Skinner, am now boss of this shebang
and [ really hope, for your mothers sake, that
shan't be obliged to use the mop-handle over
your head more than twice day, and once On
OunQayS
Another eccentricity Of hers is planting her
feet in the small Of my back after have re-
tired for the night, and whirling me playfuy
across the room. The first overture of this
kind occurred one very cold morning, when I
suggested the propriety of her getting up and
building the fire. If my memory serves me
right, and think she d. built the fire nv
self that A. NJ, and have made it point to
do SO ever since. If there is anything | dote
on, it is rising with the lark apd building the
fire. IN. R.-This last is intended for covert