Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-02-02
Line aGpO2a Line.

A fishy circle-a seal ring.
High pitch-Tarring roof
Untamed sweetness-wild honey.
The rightful heir-Not the chignon.
A tin wedding marrying for money.
Private Real Estate-Personal grounds.
A troubled atmosphere-The heir at law.
The new back gammon-the Grecian bend
A wooden wedding marrying blockhead.
The crow is said to be the first corn extractor
on record.
The mitten that never fits-the one you get
from lady.
Committing twoicide' is the latest name
for matrimony.
A canter before horse race is now called a
pre- amble by jockeys.
An enraged man tears his harlan enraged
woman tears her husbands.
Why is a watch like river? Because it will
not run long without winding
A round Of pleasure sometimes renders It
difficult to make things square.
81 don't admire ladies' cuffs as the hus
band said when his wife boxed his ears.
Why is prudent man like pin? Because
his head keeps him from going too far
Genius will work its way through" as the
reporter said when he saw a hole in the elbow
Of his coat.
''Not guilty." said an Omaha jury, ''but if
the prisoner is smart he will leave the Territory
before night" He left.
Printers accounts are said to be like faith
1.-THE substance of things hoped for, and the
evidence Of things not seen. :"
Mr.. Slummuth believes in the broad guage
roads. He doesn't find any too broad for him
when he goes home about midnight.
A conductor, in discussion as to speed, said
he ran his train SO fast that the telegraph poles
on the side track looked like fine tooth comb
Ike's last trick was to throw Mrs. Parting
tom Old galter in the alley, and call the old Ia
dy down from the third floor to see an alley
gaiter.
A fellow, who has some music in his soul, T"
says that the most cheerful and soothing Of oil
hreside melodies are the blended tones of a tea
kettle, a loving wife, cricket, and Growing
baby.
1t is stated that a minister lectured so power
sx:illy few days ago, against the use Of tobacco
That several OF his audience went home and
burned their cigars-holding one end in their
mouths
please, Mr.. Smith, papa wants to know if
you won't lend him the model of your hat
your 'wickedest hat?"
Certainly my son ; what for?
HE wants to make a scarecrow.
A recipe for making Farmers English Pud-
ding-Take half gallon of blue milk, a half
teaspoonful of sugar-bake slowly from seven
in the morning till one clock, and then serve
1t In tin pan-to those who want it.
A young lady went into fashionable music
store the other day, and asked the polite pro-
prletor If he had "any feline intestnes for lyri-
cal purposes She wanted cat gut guitar
strings. For once in his life the young man
weakened and was carried out on a cancels
led postage stamp.
Waiter, is this spring chicken? Most re-
markable fowl l ever attempted an assault up
on" Yes, sar nice spring chicken nothing
else at this Establishment. Don't you see, sar
1t springs every time you try to put knife in
to it," Customer realizes the sad fact; and
after half hours futile exercise of the knife
and fork, wofully calls for plate of hash.
A little boy had his first pocket knife, and for
several days used it himself, and extended the
privilege OF the occasional use of bis treasure
to his playmates. One evening he was kneel-
ing at his mothers knee, saying his customary
please, God, give little Jimmy Bailey knife
of his own, SO he won't want to borrow mine
all the time.
We heard an anecdote Of schoolboy the
other day, which illustrates the honesty of
youth. The little fellow had dirty face, and
his teacher told him to go and wash it, He
went out and stayed for few minues, and then
came back with the lower half of his counte-
nance tolerably clean, and the upper half wet
and dirty. Johnny said the teacher, why
did you not wash your face p Il did wash
it, said Johnny. why did you not wipe it,
then, all over?" 81 did wipe it as high as nv
shirt tail would reach p was Johnny's conclu-
sive reply
This is the way French paper chronicles an
accident: "On Wednesday an accident which
might have been attended with sad results took
place in this city Paris A bricklayer having
lost his balance, fell from the sixth story of a
house to the street. Fortunately, two women
who were chattering on the sidewalk received
the falling man on their heads and broke his
fall. The .brlckayer was taken up safe and
sound. The bystanders shuddered to think
that but for lucky chance the accident would
have cost him his life. The two women were
instantly killed.
CHARACTERISTICS TELL.-A Gotham girl is
known by her dash, audacity, and nonchaance:
Boston girl by her full eyes, elongated gait
and copy of Emerson and Lowell under each
arm; Philadelphia girl by her fresh face,
gold eyeglasses, predominance of drab in her
costume, and nowhere to put her arms and
hands; Baltimore girl for bewitching lights
ness love of venerated blood, killing kids
and belief that the Monumental City will be
eventually the centre of the universe; a Staun-
ton girl for volatility, briancy, garrulity. inns
pulsiveness, and fondness for the --latest fash
ions;' Washington girl for show in dress,
chlcanery in manners, pale cheeks, sentiment,