Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-12-24
ssThe Lightning Calc,lla-
tor. -
A Problem I'm subtraction he Couldn't
Solve.

A Problem I'm subtraction he Couldn't
Solve.
Doubtless, many of the readers OF
the GAZETTE will remember the
"lightning calculator who was In
our city last summer. We rather
thought him then a lightning man
on something else besides figures.
Well! here Is something more about
him, from the State Register:
During the evening hours last fall,
night Was made kideous by the for.
ensic incuhrations of n loud.mouthed
veuder oil some new tangled light
ming calculator, which War To revolu-
tonne Daboll, Eaton, and them
feilers, aud reduce mathematics to
the vely twinkling of an eye. BY
the smoke and glare of ponderous
lamp he waxed eloquent, and sawed
tie air with his hands, like fellow
pumping out sinking boat. He
'gusned" we'll, aud induced gud-
geans by the scores to bite at his bate
aud buy bis traps; but, al last, he
tol,ted his trap sack, and, like an
lew days since NJ ST. Louis, where he
esta biisii~d his .'hrssiqusrters" al
once, al n Motel. Near the u me no
twenty live summers. "Two ana
two make one. 80 says the "CSl-
ruiator, and lie rat to work 10 solve
the problem. lie repr--eRted him.
sell ~ che of the lsNorite snp, of
Ciesus, snd the "pins of perfection.
He 'pioposed" and WAS accepted. -
The sum total Was wedding, un the
"iiKhtning" plan. The parlors of
The hotel were filled with invited
guests Wine aud cake were scatter
Ell with u lavish hand; JOY ana hap
piness ruled The hour, until the "wee
sms hours avant tile t~ai." when
the twain who had been made Tone
flesh" where left to themselves and
the future. SO much for the ''addi
tion." Now, for the subtraction, ~
which il told by the Missouri Demo
crot:.
Daylight dawned. In an upper
chamber of the hotel might be seen
fair woman with hair dishevelled,
and eyes dimmed with weeping, and
on n couch near by pale youth i'm n
fainting fit. Soon the lady dries up
her tears and prepares To pack her
trunk. She Is subsequently, sobs,
and her melancholy manner too
plainly Indicate that her feelings
have been trifled with. She has been
imposed upon. The youth is her
husband. She married him the
night before because she thought he
had money, but when morning came,
he unbosomed himself aud told the
new>made wife that he had not
enough to pay his washing bill: NO
dearest, | have meier n red, were his
heart rendipg words. Now she WAS
business size had not married for
love, but for stamps; but alas! the
riches were only i'm her minds eye,
and the husband Of her choice was a
pauper. Soon the affair noised abroad
through the spacious corridors of the
hotel. The bar. keeper heard IL and
smiled as he mixed the old bummer's
morning cocktail; the waiter girls
heard it and Uttered us they passed
the dishes the bell-boys got wind OF
il and giggled i'm their sleeves, and
last, but not least, the proprietors
heard the tale of woe, and eager To
secure their board bill rush after the
married man aud present their bill.
He tainted again-weeps and cries
and sobs aloud, and finally leaves the
house in disgust, while his baggage
il being held for his 'leetle bill.
Where 10 the wife? Search was
made from tile top to the bottom Of
the house, rooms ransacked, cup
boards peered into, closets gone
through, and no wife was found
The bird of the one night of happi-
ness had fled. She was just as surely
lvst after her husband had got her as
was Minerva. who hid herself In the
iron chest with the spring lock, was
before her husband had got her. 1t
is supposed she has gone into con-
vent. This ends the tale. Let the
curtain fall on the follies of the night
such IL life sometimes among the
roses