Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-10-29
Pufting-sap stove s---A
Scasonable Subject.

SeasonabIe Subject.
| We do not remember the exat
date of the invention of stoves; bu
1t was several years ago. Since the
mankind have been tormented, one
a year, by the difficulties that bese
the task of putting them up, an,
getting the pipes fixed" With al
our Yankee ingenuity, no American
has ever Invented any method b,
which the labor of putting up stow
can be lessened. The job is now al
most as severe and vexatious rs hu
manity can possibly endure. ....
Men always put up their stoves oi
rainy day. Why, we know not
but we never heard Of M exception
to the rule. The first step to be takei
is to put OH very old and ragget
coat, under the impression that wheI
the operator gets his. mouth full %
plaster it will keep his shirt bosom
clean. Next. he gets his hand insid,
the place where the pipe ought to go
and blacks his fingers; then he care
fully makes black mark down on,
side OF his nose. Having got hi,
face properly marked, the victim -
usually "Pattertamilias''-is ready I,
begin the ceremony. srr aa..
The head of the family" grasp,
one side ot the bottom of the stove
and his wife and the hired girl takt
hold of the other side. In this WAY
the stove is started fiom the wood.
shed toward the parlor. Going
Though the door, the chief operator
carefully swings his side OF the stnve
around and jams his thumb. nal
against the door post. Having got
the family comfort" I'm place, til.
next thing is To find the legs Two
OF these are left inside the stJve
since the spring before Tie other
two must be hunted after for twenty
five minutes. They are usually
found under the coal. Then the
"head of the family" hollis up one
side CT the stove while his wife puts
.wo of the legs In place, and next Ia.
holds up the other side while the
'other two are fixed, and one of the
first two falls out. BY tile time the
stove Is on its legs he gets reck less,
aud takes off his old coat, regardless
OF his linen. .'.'. '-
"Paterfamilias" then gees for the
pipe, and gets two cinders I'm his eye.
1t don't make any difference how
well lhepipe was put up last year. IL
will always be found little too short
ora little too long. The head OF
the family" jams his hat over his
eyes, aud taking pipe unuer bis
arm goes 70 the tin silop to,ha,e il
fixed. When he gets back, he steps
upon one of the best parior chairs to
see IL the pipe fits, aud his wife
makes him gel down for fear he will
scratch tile varnish off from the chaii
with the nails IN his b0ot-heel. In
getting down, he will surely step on
the cat, and may thank his stars that
IT il not the baby. Then he geto uu
old chair and climbs up To the chinl
ney again, to find that In cutting tit
pipe of the end has been lett too big
for the hole In the chimney. 80 h,
goes to the wood-shed ami splits one
side Of the end of the pipe with ai,
old AK, and squeezes IL III his hand
To make IL smaller.
The chief operator at length gets
the pipe in shape aI.d finds Lat the
stove does not stand true. Thel
himself anu his wife and the hired
girl move the stove To tI.e left, anu
the legs fall out again. Next IL Is 10
be moved 10 tile right. More dill
Guilty now with the legs. Moved Ia
the front Il little. Elbow not even
with the hole i'm the chimney, anu
the head of the family" goes again,
10 the wood shed after some little
blocks. While putting the blocks
under the legs, the pipe comes cut oi
oi the chimney. That remidied, the
el'ow keeps tipping over, 10 the
great alarm of THE wife. "PaLerfaln
iiias" gets the dinner table out. puts
the old chair on IL, MAKES lis wife
take hold of the chair, and balances
himself on it to drive some nails in
to the ceiling; but in doing this lac
drops the hammer on lis wiie's head.
Al last he gets the nails driven,
makes u wire swing to hold the pipe,
hammers little here. pulls littie
there. takes "a long breath, aud an
nounces the ceremony concluded.
Job never put up any stoves. 1t
would have ruined his reputation II
he had. The above programme,
with uninpor ant variations, VIII be
carried out IN many respectable fAin
liies during the next six weeks
Uficd Nv. " Ueratd.
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