The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1869-09-03

AZ, ais ne ueau
''Oh, sacre 6yoU, been dead three thousand
/ years."
The doctor turned on him savagely.
Here, now, what do you mean by such
conduct as thisl Playing us for Cinnamon
because we are strangers and trying to learn
Trying to impose your vile secondhand car
cases on us! Thunder and lightning, I've a
notion to-to-if you've got nice fresh
corpse, fetch him out or by George we'll
brain you"
We make it interesting for this Frenchman
However, he has paid us back, partly without
knowing it. He came TO the hotel this morn
ing to ask if he were up, and endeavored as
well as he could TO describe us. He finished
with the casual remark that we were lunatics
The observation was so innocent and SO
honest that it amounted to a very good thing
for guide to say.
There is one remark (already mentoned)
which never yet has failed to disgust these
guides We use it always when we can think
of nothing else to say After they have ex-
hausted their enthusiasm pointing out to us
and praising the beauties of some ancient
bronze image or broken-legged statue, we
look at it stupidity and in silence for five, ten,
fifteen minutes-as long as we can hold out,
in fact-and then ask
Isis he dead?'
That conquers the serenest of them. It
is not what they are looking for. espe cially
new guide. Our Roman Ferguson is the
most patient, unsuspecting, long-suffering
subject we have had yet. We shall be sorry
to part with him. We have enjoyed his So
ciety very much. We trust he has enjoyed
ours, but we are harassed with doubts.
THE FoLLGEs OF AMERICANS ABROAD
are thus hit off in the following sketch taken
at Paris-
Between the promenades and the side
walks are seated hundreds of people at small
tables, smoking and taking graMjtd-a first
cousin to ice cream--On the sidewalks are
more employing themselves in the same way.
The shops on the first floor of the tall rows of
buildings that wall in three sides of the square
are brilliantly lighted, the air is filled with
music and merry voices, and altogether the
scene is as bright and spirited and full of
Gheerfulness as any man could desire. We
enjoy it thoroughly. Very many of the
young women are exceedingly pretty, and
dress with rare good taste. We are
gradually and laboriously learning the
ill-manners of staring them unfinch-
ingly in the face - not because such
conduct is agreeable to us, but because it is
the custom Of the country, and they say the
girls like it. We wish to learn all the curious,
outlandish ways of all the different countries,
SO that we can ''show Off and astonish people
when we get home. We wish to excite the
envy of our untravelled friends with our
strange foreign fashions which we can't shake
off. All our passengers are paying strict at
tention to this thing, with the end in view
which | have mentioned. The gentle reader
will never, never know what a consummate
ass he can become until he goes abroad.
speak now, of course, in the supposition that
the gentle reader has not been abroad, and,
therefore, is not already a consummate ass.
If the case be otherwise, | beg his parden and
extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship
and call him brother. allalways delight to
meet an ass after my own heart when L shall
have finished my travels
On this subject let me remark that there
are Americans abroad in Italy who have actu-
ally forgotten their mother tongue in three
months forgot it in France They cannot
even write their address in English in hotel
register. l append these evidences, which I
copied verbatim from the register of hotel
in certain Italian city
"John p. Whitcomb, Etdt UHiy."
civilian L. Ainsworth, trd0aI56ur (he
meant traveller, I suppoSe), Btats UniS"
George p. Morton, ct ,fIS, d AmGiQue."
Lloyd B. Williams, ct troiS an,ts, oji5e de
BoStoD, Ame,fquo"
u Ellsworth Baker, toW dc suite de Fraace
place dc najssancc Amefqne, deStiHation II
UINHU DTCtUYUC.
! love this sort of people.
''PEoPLE AND THINGS"
A column in the Buffalo EtpreSS, to which
Mark devotes huge share of attention, con-
tains the following
The late Andrew johnson is getting his
remarkable career set to music and is going
to try it awhile that way.
An Arkansas parson proposes to name his
baby after Theodore Tilton for a copy of the
htdependeHt a year.
They are putting down asphaltum walks in
Greenwood Cemetery. The old residents
there have made no objections to the move
ment so far.
Sir Walter Scott, in a letter, now discams
the authorship of the ''Waverley' novels. 1t
took him good while to think of it,
Little boys should persevere and keep good
hearts, remembering that the celebrated John
Smith was only an Indifferent sort of a shoe
maker at first but in time, by diligence study,
and close attention to business, he became the
worst shoemaker that ever was.
John Wagner, the Oldest man in Buffalo
one hundred and four years-recently walked
a mile and half in two weeks. He is as
cheerful and bright as any of these other old
men that charge around so in lhe newspapers,
| and in every way as remarkable. Last No
vember he walked five blocks in rain storm
without any shelter but an umbrella, and cast
his vote for Grant, remarking that he had
voted for forty-seyen Presidents-which was
lie. His ''second crop of rich brown hair
arrived from New York yesterday, and he has
| new set of teeth coming-trom Philadelphia.
He is to be married next week to girl one
hundred and two years old, who still takes in
| ight ii