St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1869-10-15
FUcGfjP.
A little nonsense now and then
Is relished by the wisest men.

| Is relished by the wisest men.
Squib, speaking financially, says it
was the last camel's hair for Mrs. S that
broke his back
'Mamma. mamma :" beloved the
angel OF the household from the top of
the stairs, SIN mad, and Hannah won't
pacify me-
II know every rock on the coast"
sald an Irish pilot. AT that moment the
ship struck, when he exclaimed. ssand
that's one Of them! -
An undertaken having apartments to
let posted his bills upon the coffins in his
window, announcing, "Lodgings for sin
gle gentlemen.
Josh Billings defines 'fhurrer bred
biziness man" as ''wun that knows enutf
about steelin' so't there kant ennybody
steel from him, and enuff about law so
that he can do his steelin' legally"
waiter" said a fastididious gentle
man at Nevada hotel, exhibiting a singu-
lar looking object on his soup spoon, "wait-
er, do you know what that is - That,
sir, looks like mouse, sir We often
find them in soup, sir"
Why is a newspaper like wife ? Be
cause every man ought to have one of
his own.
A Texas editor has such a blasphe-
nous admiration of Victor Hugo, that
he locates his writing desk at 'the foot
stool of the Almighty"
a remarkably cute hog in the vicinity
of Muscatine, Wis, has taken to high
way robbery for support. Its opera
tions are confined to 'feloniously."
Two theological professors were cross
ing lake together in the West High
lands, in company with number of
passengers, when storm came on with
terrible force. One of the passengers
were heard to say, ''The two ministers
should begin to pray, or we'll be DOOM
ed" ''Na, na," said the boatman, ''the
little ane can pray if he like, but the big
ane maun tax an oar
Sir" said an old Scotch woman to
her minister, Il dinna ken part of
your sermon yesterday" 'Gndeed
what was it ?' ''You said the Apostle
used the figure Of circnmtoc,aion and L
dinna ken what it means" "Is that
al! It's very plain. The figure of
circumlocution is merely Il periphrastic
mode of diction.'' 'Oh. ah. is that
all p said the good woman "what Il
puir fool | were not to understand that ~
A gentleman driving up to country
inn, accosted youth thus: "My lad,
extricate my quadruped from the vehi-
Gle. stabulate him, donate him sufii-
cient supply of nutritious ailment. and
when the auora of morn shall again il
illuminate the orental horizon, | will
award you a pccuniary compensation for
your amiable hospitality"
The boy ran into the house, and ex-
claimed, ''Daddy, there is Dutchman
out here who wants some lager beer"
y gentleman from Ireland" employ
cd as 4 mason tender, procured from "a
spring, water for his mortar; and by
dipping lime bucket into the spring,
caused the death of two pet gold fishes
When rebuked. he drew himself up and
replied, is it the yellow fish yc mane2
Bedad, sir, I'd rather have one Goldfish
than the pair of 'em ~
Daniel Webster wrote. after contin-
ued provocation, TO the editor Of a news
paper which referred to his private af-
fairs, and especially to his not paying
his debts. He said substantially:
at Is true that | have not always
paid my debts punctually, and that [
owe money. One cause of this is that
| have not pressed those who owe me
for pay. As an instance this enclose
your fathers note made to me thirty
years ago for money lent him to edu-
cate his boys"
a young lady contemplating matrimo-
ny was one morning handed Il testament
by her father, with the leaf turned down
at the following passage: ''lle who Civ
eth in marriage docth well, but he who
giveth not III marriage doeth better
She Immediately returned it with the
following reply written underneath:
Dear father, | am content to do well;
let those do better who can
An invalid son of Bacchus was about
to undergo an operation for dropsy at
the hands of his physicians. go father,
father screamed son of the patient,
who was looking on, ''do any thing else
but don't let them tap you" ''But,
sammy" said the father, "it will do
me good, and shall live many year
after to make YOU happy" NO, father
you won't. There never was any thing
tapped in this house that lasted longer
than a week.
''Mother wants to know if you won't
please TO lend her your preserving-kettIe,
cause she wants to do up some apple
sarsc." 81 would with pleasure, boy,
but the truth is, the last time we lent it
to your mother she preserved it 50 etfec-
tually that we have not seen it since"
''Well, you needn't be sarsy bout your
old kettle. Guess it was full OF holes
when we borrowed it, AMI mother
wouldn't have troubled you agn, only
we seed you bring home new one"
A fellow who came by the railroad,
being stranger, stroIled about for some
time on the outskirts of town in search
of a barber. He finally discovered one
and requested the operator to take off a
,hilling's worth of hair. The barber
trimed his locks very handsomely, and
then combed and brushed him up till his
head looked as if it belonged TO some
other person than himself. care you
done y asked the stranger, as the barber
removed the napkin from his neck.
s.Tns Cir soil tLa barber with a lou,