The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1869-06-18
Miscellaneous Items,

Base inhOspitality-turning out
your toes.
A light employment = Cleaning
windows.
The Oldest woman's club - the
broomstiek.
Advice to a tOper-don't let your
spirits go down.
The most difficult ascent-Getting
up subscription.
Free translation-Sotto voes in a
drunken voice.
The life preservers often used on
battle felds-Legs.
A dairymaid's defuitiOn-Flattery
is the milk Of human kindness turn
ed into butter.
The only company not limited by
legislation-bad company.
"DO make yourselves at home, la
dies" said lady one day to her vis-
itors. am at home myself, and
wish you all were.'
When a person declares that his
brain is on fire, it is etiquette to blow
it out.
A thoroughly independent man
one who depends on an inn for his
living.
Why is divinity the easiest of the
three learned professions Because
1t is easier to preach than to practice.
Flowers are the alphabet Of angels
wherewith they write on hills and
plains mysterious truths.
A kind-hearted SON of Erin riding
on horseback to a mill, placed a bag
Of corn across his own shoulders, SO
as not to burden his horse with it.
PsychOlUgicul-the state of mind
that e man is in who risks largely in
a lottery and does not draw a prize,
may be described as blank despair.
Don't believe it's any use in this
vaccination, said a Yankee Had a
child vaeeinated, and he fell out of
window a week arter, aud got killed
A negro, after gazing at the Chi
nese, exclaimed, de white folks dark
as dat out dere; wonder what's de
color OBJ de negroes
The following advertisement lately
appeared in country paper WAN
ted, steady young man to look after
a horse of the Methodist persuasion
The grasshoppers recently ate up
half an acre of tobacco for a man
dowL South, and when the owner went
up to look at it they sat on the fence
and squirted tobacco juice at him.
The Sacramento Times in the course
of report says Of a public dinner:
The mayor, the ladies, &c, we're ap-
propriately drunk, and the party sep
arated in fine cheer
The following touching lines are
inscribed on a tombstone in a coun-
ry church-yard in this State
''Died when young and full Of promise
or the wbooPing cough, our Thomas"
Ssmbo, giving an account Of his
sea voyage, says all de passengers
was now heaviu, and as if dat wasn't
enough, de captain give orders for de
ship to heavs too
Wages of farm hands are high, and
farmers find it difficult to secure men
to work. In all towns there are
idlers whose health and habits would
be much improved by a summers So
journ on farm.
A Memphis paper says that a jury
in that city having found a man gull
ty Of numbering a citizen who is alive
and well, are now debating whether
to reseind their verdict or let the con
vict murder the citizen.
Sheridan, the actor, complained to
his son Tom about his getting into
debt, and asked him if be did not al
low him s800 year. Yes, SIR re-
piled Tom, 1T is true that you allow
me that sum, but it is never paid
Advice by a writer in the Paris
Journal AHRsduf If a Iadv saws
to you, Il can never love you,' wait a
little longer, all hope is not lost
But if she says. NO one has more
sincere wishes for your happiness
than I, take your hat
Some superstitious people think
that cattle occasionally lose their
euds, and must have others supplied
srti6cially Accordingly, euds are
sometimes made Of goldfish skin,
sweet elder bark and grist, of hay
wads, and sometimes Of salt pork =
Did you ever?
We have been IN Missouri, recent
ly, and Missouri editor speaks thus
of one of his brethren Of the press =
The poor old dilapidated piece of
flesh and bones who hangs himself
out every week in the Jackson Stan
dard, and who by common consent
was considered the jaekass Of the Ed
itorial Union, has ratified his old
skeleton at US
A New Orleans widow of a week
was Wooed by an impulsive suitOr, who,
after obtaining her consent to a mar
riage in 4 fortnight, borrowed so
and deserted her. She told her tale
to the Recorder. 'Wellr exclaimed
the surprised official, this is a little
ahead of anything 1 ever heard Of
yes, SIR replied the lady, 1T does so
beat all; not that I care about the