The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-10-22
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

BUSINESS men insure in the Washington
Life. r
THE fittest dover for . widow-A
THE individual who is contented with
his :" lot proves to be a real-estate owner
WHAT a difference it makes whether
you put DR.. before or after mans name.
DIVIDENDS are never forfeited in the
Washington Life Insurance Company of
New York.
WHY is lazinem like money! Because
the more q man has of it the more he
wants.
A LANDLADY in Boston, it is said, makes
her biscuit so light, that the dodgers can
see to go to bed by them. Saves Kerosene.
"TM ruined" as the old woman said
when her house was on fire; but it is a
cold night, and Insay as acell soaym myself"
The anthracite coal fields of Pennsyl-
vania underlie 470 square miles of ground
About $40, 100000 has been absorbed in
mining capital, about the same sum in
canals, and SO, 100000 in railroads, both
being constructed almost solely as means
of transportation for coal. Nearly all this
property is in possession of three great
corporations but there are also about 200
small companies. The coal sent into the
market amounts to about 10000 900 tons
per annum.
A YOUNG lawyer was examining bank
rupt as to how he had spent his money.
There were about two thousand dollars
unaccounted for, when the attorney put
on severe scrutinizing face, and exclaim-
ed with much selfcomplacency, Now,
Sir, want you to tell this court and jury
how you used those two thousand dollars"
The bankrupt put on serio comic face,
winkcd at the audience, and exclaimed
"The lawyers got that!" The judge and
the audience were convulsed with laugh
ter, and the counselor was glad to let the
bankrupt 60.
UPON Caleb Gushing spinster poetess
OF Newburyport once wrote an epigram-
matte epitaph, as follows:
"Lay aside, all ye dead,
For in the next bed
RepOses the body of Gushing:
.ttB He has crowded his way
Through the world, they say,
And, even though dead, will be pushing"
Mr.. Gushing wrote the following re-
joinder:
@ Here lies one whose wit
Without wOunding could hit,
And green grows the grass that's above her;
Having sent every beau
To the regions below,
She has gone down herself for a lover"
INFALLIBLE RECEIPTs-To remove
freckles, cut them out with a razor and
throw them away. To bring out a
moustache, tie it to strong cord, twenty
feet long, to the other end of which at
tach heavy smoothing iron, and throw
the latter from a fourth story window.
To get rid Of rcd hair, hold your head for
few moments in a strong blaze of gas
To preserve your eyes, put them in a
bottle filled with alcohol. To avoid
corpulence, quit eating. To conceal your
teeth, keep your mouth shut. To keep
out of debt, acquire the reputation of q
rascal and no one will trust you.
"DD you ever see one of these here
hoop snakes ?" asked Mr.. Ferguson. "Me
and my hired man was down there in the
home lot, by the side of the road, and we
see something rolling down the hill, and,
says l, Il guess that must be one of them
hoop-snakes coming along My hired man,
he was Altered, and CHM up tree; but
took my hoe in my hand, and went out and
stood side of a tree in the road, and when
he come along stuck out the hoe handle,
and he hit tia slap, and he made noise
just like pistol; and, sir, it warn't more'n
mint afore that are hoe-handlc was
SWelled I'M as big as nv leg I"