The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-07-15
W.T. and xEetnao2'.
Always in full lowcr-a baker.

Carpenters arc~a]ways considered borders,
even when living at home. t9''' ~ '.'4
Of what pqct. docs The p1curisy2 remind
you ? AIKEN iJc. .t..,....... =.
Why should foundry mon be considered
great satirists because they are iron ical.
A good place for people afflicted with weak
sight should be aasssaw" mill. z-ss> l.
Capital materials for rare fruit pic-the
currents OF the ocean. s.,.e s4
Why should ships be regarded as purchas
able 2 Because they are. not always under
sail. a'2'-''' - '.'7'''''- - So
An old bachelor lisa traveller on lifes rail.
road who has entirely failed to make the prop
CT CONNECTIONS. -, sz.s.ss s.. g.. "a, Ia sss4
Why arc some ladies the very opposite Of
their mirrors? Because one reflects without
talking, and the talks without rejecting. 9e'
A negro, gazing at tho Chinese said e if Dc
white folks is dark as dat out dere, wonder
what's dc color oh do niggers 2" 4g4 q
Engineers should be the most esteemed
men in the world, and although railing most
of the time they are we'll known to have a
tender attachment isi4 Asd s"t
A wag, on being told it was the fashion tc
dine later and later every day, said, he sup
posed it would end at last in not dining till
tomorrow.
Mike, an is it yourself. that will be after
telin me how they make ice creams? ain
truth can; don't they bake them in the
oowld ovens, to be surc?" .z,
:" Prisoner, you have heard the complaint
for habitual drunkenness what have you to
sly in your defence 2" Nothing, please
your honor, but habitual thirst"
Some one observed the other day Chat
" matches were madciin heaven" q Yes, "
answered a vaEyt s :. and they arcs often dipped
in the other place, a..
A maiden lady, abiding to her youthful
accomrlishalent, said that at six mouths OF
age she went alone, A malicious Individual
present remarked .'s Yes and you1hayc bccs:
going alone ever since ",xess - sssSsssssgg-s
A LONDON witness having told the magis-
tratc that he was penlnap twas asked III
what part Of literature he welded his. pen,
when he replied that he pcnucd sheep in
Smitl6eld market.
man once went to an eccentric lawyer to
be qualified for some petty Office. The law
yer said to him: +" Hold up your hand, II
swear you, but all creation couldn't qualify
you" : t',4 .. = S''-.'''4
81 say, Pete, when my little boy git his
hair cut why ort dat, to be regarded as a
great phenomena p /" don't know, Bill"
"Coz it am dc eclipse of d., sun"
A person pointed out man, who had u
profusion of rings on his fingers, to cooper
" All, MASTER = said the artisan, ss it is a sure
sign OF weakness when so many hoops arc
used" ~r--zssz.=rq.s.a .-s.seess.=
A man hearing of another who was a hun
bred years old said, contcmptuousy, Pshaw !!
what a fuss about nothing! Why, if my
grandfather were alive, he would be hun
drcds and fifty years old" ~, ..'
The man in thc moou is a spiritual medium
lie takes four horns in the course of. a month,
and is full a couple Of nights. BY tho way,
talking Of spiritual matters, when a man is
full " isn't he generally foolish. mr..
A gentleman who had drowned a butterfly
IN whskey, so as to preserve it, was rcmon-
strated with by ayoung lady for his cruelty.
Another lady present remarked that she did
not think il, was at all cruel, as it had died in
such good spirits. Al ..s Z,
A man thinking he was; at. home, q few
evenings. since, laid Qay) down on a common,
and put his. boots, outside the gate, to be
blachened in the morning Another person,
ater. getting home on a rainy night, put his
umbrella in bed,,sand leaned up in the corner
himself 80 s,f... ...a 49,. .,,.,,..e.
Friend Mallaby I am pleased that thee
has such fine organ in thy church. !" !" But, :,
said the Clergyman, thought you. were
strangely opposed to having Al, organ in the
church" >" SO am said Obadiah, :. but
then if thee will worship the Lord with ma ma.
chincry, I *ould like thee to have 6rst-ratc
.sglsa45Af4af
Robert Hall did not lose his power of'rc-
tort even in madness. A hypocritical condo
Ter with his misfortunes once visited him in
the madhousc, and said, in Whining tone,
What brought you here, Mr.. Hall 2" Hall
Significantly touched his brow with his fng-
or, and replied, G What will never bring you.
sir-too much BRAIN" t'1 ~
Avoid quotations unless you arc we'll stud
led in their import, and feel their pertinencc.
A gentleman while looking at the skeleton Of
an ass which had been dug out of sandpit,
and alnliring and wondering at the structure
of that dcspiscd animal made very NAL
odrott use Of one. "Ah,," said he, with the
deepest humility, VIC arc fcarfully and won
derfully made"
A man and wife were sitting at breakfast
the other day, the husband trying to read the
paper, while his wife was lecturing him on
his dissipated hours. He suddenly looked up
from his paper and said, )" Here's perfectly
correct sentiment" A writer in this paper
says, the best capital to commence life with
is a capital wife w "That's very true" re-
piled the wife, smiling, thinking that her re
mark would elicit a compliment; "but where
can you always get them 2" g In the deaf
and dumb. asylum, Of COURSE" As sympa-
thctie noyalists say, We Will not further
invade Il is sSaao Of quiet domestIcity."'