The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1869-07-19
Home Reading,

you depend ont; and II It, she won't, she
won't-and there's IN end ont"
Once with an honest Dutchman walking.
About bis troubles ho was talkidg-
The most Of which seemed to arise NJ
From friends and wife's pervcrsities.
When he took breath, his pipe to fill,
| ventured to suggest, that will
Was oft the cause Of human i'll
That life was full Of self-denals,
And every man had his own triuls.
''.Tis not the will" he quick replied,
"But it's the won't by which I'm tried.
When people will, rm always glad:
Ills only when they won't I'm mad.
Contrary folks. like mine old hen.
Who laid d dozen eggs, and then,
Instead Of setting down to hatch,
Runs off into mine garden patch!
goes and catches her and brings her,
And back onto hcr most lliugs her;
And then Isnaps her on the head,
And tells her sit there, you old jade,'
But sit she won't, for all I say,
She's up again and runs away.
Then | was mad, as mad us fire,
But once again I thought I'd try her,
So after her soon makes chase,
Aud brings her back to tue old place.
And then | snaps her great deal,
And does my best to make her feel
That she must do as she was bid,
But not bit oft she did.
She was the most coutrariest bird
OF which | ever saw or heard. ar
Before ldturn my back again,
Was running of, that cursed hen.
Thinks | I'm now a used up man,
I must adopt some other plan. -a
I'll fix her now, for, il / don't,
My will is conquered by her won't.
So then I goes and gets some blocks,
And with them makes i little box;
Aud takes somo straw, tho very best,
Aud makes the incest kind of nest;
Then in the nest the eggs place,
And feel smile upon my faco
As [ thinks now ut last I've got her,
When III the little boz Two sot her;
For 10 this little box I did
Consider | must have u lid, 44.a
So thar she couldn't get away;
But in it, till she hatched, must stay.
And then again once moro chased her
And catclcd, and in tho box | placed her
Again | snaps her on the head,
Until | fear she might be dead;
And then, when had made her sit down,
Immediately ! claps the lid on.
And now, thinks Live got her fast,
She'll have to do her work at last; -
No longer shall I stand the brunt
Of this old hens confounded won't.
So | goes in and tells my folks,
And then 1 takes my pipo aud smokes,
And walks about anil fec SO good
That wouldn't yields at length to would ,
And as so oft Ia snapped the hen.
takes some 'schnapps' myself, and then
| thought I'd see how tho old crettur
Was getting on where l had set her;
The lid the box SO nicely fits on ~.
! gently raised-dundcr and bliizeul
(Givc me more schnapps, and fill the cup!)
There she was siitiug-standiug up"
Water is not a fashionable beverage for
drinking your friends health but it is 4
capital one for drinking your own.
Fame is like a shaved pig with greas-
cd tail; and it is only after it has slip
ped through the hands of thousands, that
SONIC fellow, by good luck holds on to it,
"My son." said an Old man, "bcw;arc
Of prciudiccs. They are like rats, and
mems minds are like traps. Preiudices
get in easily, but it is doubtful If they
ever get oat."
"My friend" said doctor to an Irish
patient. "bc composcd-wc must all die
once" "And it's that vcxcs me-" re.
piled Pat; "if l could only die dozen
times I'd not care cent about this time"
An 1rishman was once asked to define
an Irish bull, to which hc replied
Whenever you SEQ two cows lying down
in field, the one that's standing up is the
bull" This very, lucid explanation will
do.
A little boy who sat listening to some
gentlemen at his fathers table, heard one
Of them quote the well known line, ..an
honest man is the uobcst work Of God .
when lie said he did not believe it, for
his mother was better than any man that
was ever made.
The lawyer who fled bill, shaved u
note, cut an acquaintance, split hair,
made an entry got up q case, framed an
Indictment, cmpanncled q jury, put them
into box, nailed n witness, hammered a
Judge, and bored u Whole court, all in one
day, has since laid down law, and turned
carpenter.
A story ID told Of a soldier in the army
whose only fault was that Of drunkenness.
His colonel. demonstrated with him
atom, you are bold fellow and a
good soldier, but you get drunk.'
"Coloncl," replied Tom, chow can you
expect MI tlle virtues Of human character
combined for sixteen dollars d month";
An old farmer out west, who ns'in