Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1869-05-14
Wise and Otherwise

. Wise and Otherwise.
The first child born i'm Avoca, Iowa
"A town only week old-saw the
light on Thursday. IT is christened
+ Avoca.
A Boston divine thinks that "when
} a minister 10 compelled to play Sec
ond fiddle to tenor, it is about time
to go West"
In New Hampshire there Is a'man
81 years old who has never taken q
bath in his life or owned a pocket
handkerchief.
The first day q little boy went to
school the teacher asked him il he
could spell. eyes, SIR" "Well how
do you spell boy?" "Oh, just as the
other folks do"
Moonlight baptisms are becoming
popular in Indiana. This is shrewe
device i'm the "sprinkling'' interest,
the natural inference being that Inn
mcrsion's all moon-shine.
A little boy loudly ,bawling was
asked, Whats the matter?" He
made the following touching answer:
~ want my nanny, that's what
the matter. told the ugly thing
she'd lose me-"
A man in Clinton, Iowa, tele-
graphs to the Sheriff of Lee County,
Ill.,, as follows: ARREST Charles i.
W, clipping with my wife. Owes
me one hundred dollars. II he pays,
let him CO." = ...
A shrewd old gentleman once said
to his daughter, "Be sure, my dear,
you never marry poor man; but
remember that the poorest man i'm
the world is one that has money and
nothing else"
al nave lost my appetite" said
gigantic Irish gentleman, and an ell.
egant performer on the trencher, to
Mark Supple. "Oh! 1 hope" said
Supple, mo poor Iran has found 1t,
for it would ruin him in a week"
"Come back sir; that Is not the
road" said Lord Eglinton to tres
passer in his park. "Do we ken
whaur I'm gaun ?" said the offender.
mo" said his lordship. "Weell
hoo the dell do you ken whether this
be the road or not"
Don't you think my eyes look
quite killing this morning." said q
dandy to smart girl, and he twisted
his leaden Missionaries in most cruel
and fascinating manner. "They re-
mind me-" said the damsel, ''of a
Goldfish dying of q tootkache."
A disappointed oflice-seeker says it
sis just about as easy to get an Office
under Grant as it is for little pig to
get his belly full out of n trough sur
rounded by lot of hungry old
sows." Forcible and opposite, il not
elegant.
A greenhorn, standing behind q
sewing machine at which @ young
lady was at work, looking alternate
IL at the machine and its fair opera
tive, at length gave vent to his adj
miration with, "By golly, its purity,
specially the part covered with call
ico." ......s ..s
Swift was one day in company
with q young coxcomb, who, rising
from his chair, exclaimed al would
have you know, Mr.. Dean, set up
for wit"
"Do you, indeed" replied the Dean,
"thcn take my advice, and sit down
again."
A soldier on trial for drunkenness
was addressed by the magistrate:
prisoner, you have been assested
on the charge of habituai drunken
ness; what have you to say in de-
fense?"
Nothing, please your honor, but
habitual thirst"
The following advertisement ap-
peared in Texas paper: "If the
person who took lit is concluded by
mistake) the white waterproof coat
belonging to Captain johnson will
apply to the barracks, he can have
the peg it used to hang upon, as il is
of no further use to the owner"
A country woman in New York
visited Stew arts. g"Such heaps of
goods! Such lots of people! And
them" said she, "there were 80 many
pretty little boys named Cash, and
all about the same size! didn't see
Mrs. Cash; but l tell you she's got
mighty smart lot young ones"
A priest. telling an Irishman of
the beauties Of Heaven, when he
asked: Faith. and DO they kape any
whiskey there" 80, no, they are
happy without drinking" III did
not spake of drinking, but 1t looks
dacent to see drop of the crathur
on the table, whether ye taste him or
not.
A physician having finished the
amputation of the leg of one of his
patients, near relative of the latter
took him aside, and said anxiously
to him: doctor, do you think your
patient will recover?n Recover
there has never been the least shad-
ow of u hope for him." "Then what
was the use of making him suffer ?"
"Why, my dear fellow. you astonish
me! Could you say, brutality, to
sick man, you arc dying!' He must
be amused u little"
One day, shortly after the February
revolution, crowd of drunken and |
excited workingmen penetrated into
the room where the members of the |
Provisional Government of France
were celebrating. All the members
of the Government were frightened |
with the exception of Lamartine,
who did not lose his presence of
mind. His voice was as clear and |
calm rs usual, when he said, what
do you want, citizens?" "Your
head!" was the reply. THAT would
be greatly to your advantage" said
T,anlarfina. sifnr IL ya, Ill - -, !