The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1869-10-28


The following programme Of the SUBJ
lime miseries enjoyed in the process of
quitting up the stove' tor warming
the winter will be faithfully carried
out in great many good families In
the next two weeks. 1t Is written by
some one who has been there and Is
as true to life as words can plan 1t:
awe do not remember the exact date
Of the invention of stoves, but 1t was
some years ago. Since then mankind
have been tormented once q year, by
the difficulties that beset the task Of
putting up and getting the pipes fixed.
With all our Yankee ingenuity, no
American has ever invented any meth
cd by which the labor of putting up a
stove can be lessened. The job Is as
severe and vcXatious as humanity can
,o.e,vly ur,a~sS, ...s,a scts ss,oso oo ovos,
wear. Men always put their stoves up
on rainy day. Why, we know not;
but we never heard of an exception to
the rule. The first step to be taken ~
to put on very old and ragged coat,
under the impression that when he gets
his mouth full of plaster it will keep
his shirt bosom clean. Next the opera
tor gets his hand inside the place where
the pipe ought to go, blacks his fingers,
and then he carefully makes u black
mark down one side of his nose. 1t Is
impossible to make any headway, with
this work, until this mark is made down
the side ofhiI nose. Having got his
face properly marked, tho victim is
ready to begin the ceremony. The
head of the family-who is the big
goose of the sacrifice -grasps one side
of the bottom of tho stove, and his wife
and the hired girl take hold Of the ot her
side. In this way the load is started
from the w0odshed to the parlor. Going
through the door the head of the fami-
ly will carefully swing his side of the
stove around and jam his thumb nail
against the door post. This part OF the
ceremony is never omitted. Having
got the family comfort in place, the
these are left inside the stove since the
spring before. The other two must be
hunted after for twenty-five minutes.
They are usually found under the coal.
one side of the stove while his wife puts
two of the legs in place, aud next he
holds up tho other side while the other
two are fixed, and one of the first two
falls out. BY the the lime the stove is
on its legs he gets reckless, and takes
off his coat, regardless of his linen.
Then he goes for the pipe, and gets
two cinders in his eyes. 1t don't make
any difference how we'll the pipe was
put up last year, it will always be found
little too short, or else u little too long.
The head of the family jams his hat
over his eyes, and, taking pipe under
them fixed. When he gets back he
steps upon one of the best parlor chairs
to see if the pipe fits, and his wife makes
him get down for fear he will scratch
the NaTulSil IIOtl Dll tllc CIlalI WhH Tie
nails of his boot heels. In getting down
he will surely step on the cat, and may
thank his stars that it is not the baby.
Then he gets an old chair, and climbs
ap to the chimney again, to find, that,
in cutting the pipe off, the end has been
left too big for the hole in the chimney.
So he goes to the woodshed and splits
one side Of the end of the pipe with an
old AK, and squeezes it in his hands to
make it smaller. Finally he gets tie
pipe in shape, and finds that the stove
does not stand true. Then himself aud
wife and the hired girl move tho stove
to the left, and the legs fall out again.
Next it is to move to the right. More
difficulty now with the legs. Moved to
the front little. Elbow not even with
the hole in the chimney, anu the head
of the family goes to the wood shed af-
ter some little blocks. While putting
the blocks under the legs, the pipe comes
out of the chimney. That remedied,
the elbow keeps tipping over to the
great alarm Of the wife. Head of the
H. Il