Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1869-06-03
ESSAY ON KISSING.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.


! I hav written ESSAYS on kissing be-
fore this one, and they didn't satisfy
me. nor dow l think this one will, for
the more a man undertakes tew tell
about kiss the more he will reduce
| his ignorance to a science.
| Yu kant analize kiss emmy more
than yu kan the breath ov q hower.-
Yu kant tell what makes kiss taste SO
good emmy more than yu kan a peach.
Emmy man who kan set down WHARF
it is cool and tell how kiss tastes haint
got emmy more real flavor tew his
mouth than knot hole haz. Such a
phellow wouldn't hesitate tew deskribe
Paradise as fuss rate place for gardin
sass.
The only way tew deskribe kiss is
tew take one, and then set down. awl
alone, out oy the draft, and smack yure
lips.
If you kant satisfy yourself how a
kiss tastes without taking another one,
how on arth kan yu define it tew the
next man.
! hav heard writers talk about the
egstatik bliss thare was in kiss, and
they really seemed tew think they knew
all about it, but these are the same
kind Ov folks who perspire and kry
when they read poetry, and then fall
to writing sum oy their own, and think
they hav found out how.
want it understood that l am talk
ing about pure emotional kissing, that
is born in the heart, and flies tew the
lips, ike humming bird tew her
rOost.
l am not talking about your lazy,
milk and molasses kissing, that daubs
the face ov emmy body, nor yure savage
bite, that goes around, Ike roaring
lion, in search ov sumthing to eat.
Kissing an unwilling pair ov lips IL
az mean a viktory az robbin birds
nest, and kissing too willins ones, IL
about az unfragrant recreation as
making boquets out of dandelions.
The kind ov kissing that am talk
ing about IL the kind that must do it,
or spile.
If va sarch the rekords ever so live
ly, yu kant find the author ov the fust
kiss; kissing, like much other good
things, IL anonymous.
But there IL stitch natur in it, siteh a
world ov language withoutwords, stitch
heap ov pathos without fuss, so
much honey and so little water, so
cheap, so sudden and so neat mode ov
striking up an acquaintance, that |
consider it a good purchase that Adam
Civ and got the fust kiss.
Who kan imagin greater lump ov
earthly bliss, reduced to finer thing,
than kissing the only woman on earth
in the garden ov Eden.
Adam want the man, l don't be-
leave, tew pass stitch hand.
may be wrong in my conclusions,
but if emmy boldly kan date kissing
further back, would like tew see them
do it,
/ don't know whether the old stoick
philosophers ever kist emmy boldly or
not; if they did they probably did it,
like drawering theorem on black
board, more for the purpose Of proving
something else.
| do hate to see this delightful and
invigorating beverage adultera;ed; it is
nektar for the gods, but | am often
obliged tew stand still and see kissing
did, not say word. that haint got
emmy more novelty nor meaning in it
than throwing stones tew mark.
saw two maiden ladys kiss yester-
day on the north side oy Union square,
5 times in less than 10 minnitts; they
kist every time they bid each other
farewell, and then Immediately thought
ov sumthing else they hadn't sed. /
couldn't tell for the life ov me whether
the kissing waz the effekt ov what they
sed, or that the sex was the effekt ov
the kissing. 1t waz a which, and 10th
er scene.
Cross-matched kissing il undoubted-
" the strength of the game. 1t is
trew thare is no stattu regulashun
aginst two females kissing each other;
but | don't think thare IL much pardon
for it, unless it IL done to keep tools
in order; and two men kissing each
other IL prima face evidence of dead
beatery.
Kissing that passes from parent to
child and back agin seems tew be az
necessary az shinplasters, to do bizz-
ness with; and kissing that husbands
give and take IL simply gathering ripe
fruit from ones own plum tree, that
would otherwise drop oph; or be
stolen.
Tharefore | am driv tew konklude,
tew git out ov the corner, that my re-
marks hav chased me into, that the lie
ov kiss is only tew be had once in a
phellow's life, in the original package,
and that IL when
Not tew waste the time of the read
er, hav thought best not tew finish
the above sentence, hoping that their
amt no person ov a good edukashun,
and decent memory, but what kan
reckolekt the time which refer to,
without emmy ov mi help.