Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1869-11-25

Amusing Paragraphs.s

An old lady on train, not far from
Lafayette, hearing the brakeman sing out
:Enbank's Cut !" sailed to the door and
asked, ''ls he hurt much?"
A story comes from Kentucky that on
the eve OF "a battle in 1863 the colonel of
one OF the regiments of that State resigned
'.becausa the boys Of his regiment were too
yonng for him" ssij tz'1;fT r51Fsi a:f5;
I Alta country town To- Chic, q little boy
who was jumping about and bawGng loud
maimmy;;' that's what ! want.HI told the
darned. thing shed lose me-, fs,;s
;:come, wife. !" said VIII. ! pray yeu devote
Just half ! minute to mend this o6atsS s'3'
''rts t4n O'Clock 1aid tho dro~sy mats.
b haG !: j. s ae,s X Il; Z MEND MEND :'s
81 think have seen you, bsfore, SIR"
said one gentleman to another, .tAre You
!: not Owen Smith, %, yes, saiid the other,
'"Fm otin:; Smith. ind' owins Jones, and
OWN r. Brown. end OWN ( everybody"
There is an old story 81 Lord Mayor
Of London who went out counting in athree
+ cornered' hat. jack boots; and arreyed with
sword. On hearing cry of ''The hare
comes, the hare comes!' his lordship, draw
ing his sword. said, ..Let ii come; ] thank
my God I fear it moi.
An enthusiastic admirer of. beautiful
swemen recently startled q friend; '.Been
TO 6 ;urch this morning, he asserted. ITO
chu, CHI ?" ''Yes, and such necks! Full
sud white and good enough. TO eAt--six Of
them all in row; watched: em Ill through
service. O, my! what necks; ~
An Irishman recently stopped at no.
tel in Des MONIES, Iowa, whore pretty high
bills were charged, In the morning the
landlord made out the amount of damages
and presented it to Pat After he had
glanced over it, the latter Looked the land
lord IN the face and exclaimed; '''You pat
me in mind Of suipe. 'T:.;'Why3 asked
all bill. '':.'' 49, "a s''S' "a: .
The following is given by IN exchange
to illustrate the common mode Of .exainin-
ing witnesses in court: who was your
father" ''Whht was your mothers maid
en- name2" ,,..''Did you ever have: brother
convicted oflarceny?2" SHOW much money
do You OVER" care all your children legiti-
Mater. Estate the name and occupation OF
your great-grandfaihar." Were you ever
convicted Of bigamy?"
A young man, accompanied,by his lady
love, stopped at a ST. Louis ,boardln&:ho
for dinner, the other day.. Never having
seen hsh-balls, he handed one toihis lady,
under: the Impression that it'vaa dough:
nut, After breaking bis own open, he care
fully 'ex mined it, then smelt Of il and with
eat that doughnut; there is something dead
in thisr, rr:i-7i1"t5I;sa Il ii ,e:ae!,>;5@
.-ss,nael Wesley visited o,,e e5' ofh bis par
ishioners IS he was upon his d,.ng tad-a
man who had never missed going 10 cf mSh
think yoGr soul will COZ 'ssoql!s. SOUR
said Thomas. eyes, sir," said Nj. Wes-
lev, edo you not know what yonr soHi
is 7" 'Ay,.surely."! said Thomas; why, it
is little zone in the back that lives long,
er than the b6dy."@' Az ',:"'.,'
+. "A young mother in Fort Wayne, Ind,
on the important occasion of making her
little bow his first pair Of, tro%sers, conceiv-
ed the idea that it would be moro economi.
chi to make them of the same dimensions
behind and before, so that they might be
changed about and wear evenly. Their ef-
fact. when donned by the little fellow, was
VIEW re.liqulous. Ps, at first sight of the
bacpy garment, burst into: a roar Of laugh.
ter, and exclaimed a@tph, my de9z, how
could = N have the h. * to do IT. Why, to
poor little fellow won't know whether he's
going 10 school grooming hothe,S'i:'
'r-.ThefeEis = story told Of . 1ellkpowa
abolitionist, who, in the early. yeaEs Of the
movement, was once riding III i hack in
Boston with two .clergymen: ,That olergy.
men asked the abolitionist wbat biz bust
ness was.
my buiinsas IS 70 light slavery" was
the reply! 10 ':4Ffi;'t; ss'ssos:tt - .ssaAAi
.'F.sht sAyesy! they, .xhy;. d. yqu stay
the home 6iEslAtefy and Fight It thirss''
''Gentlemen, don't you Eight :slsEety2"
mo, air, it is all we can do to sdRht the
ID in our profession"
Indeed! then what are you doing here,
Why don't you go down to HI, tho home
of the ID. and fight him there?" said the
AhOlifinniat.