The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1869-08-31
I0al nniInan on lhe Rnenonn

/ SNNA4 ASANsAAAAN - 49, A-tASGVuhs
The Raccoon II O resident oV the
United States oY America; he OmigraIed
tsW this country soon alter Ito dIskoVe.
~ by Columbus, without cent, and
nothing but hiE claws few git a living
with. a.. .|N...r.i. IL
He IL one ov them kind oy persons
whoEe hide IL worth more than oil the
rest oV him. .-f. ..........
he resides among the heavy timber,
and cultivate the cornaelda and nabting
garden sass for BuStenance, and under.
stands his Dizziness. I'm 1870
HE family consists oV q vile and
three children, who live with him on
the inside ov q tree, r-....
He can alWus DO found Of home
DURING the day, reddy teW receive calls,
but bis nights are devoted tew looking
after his own affairs.
He dresses In soft fur, and his tall,
which IL round, haz rings on Il.
Theze rings ore ov the same material
the tail In, and are worn on oil coca.
sions.
During the winter he ties himself no
Into q hard not and lays down BY biz
freSide. -
when spring opens BIO opens, and
goes out tew see how the chickens haY
WIntered.
HE life IL az free from labor aga new
penny, and lfit wasn't for the dogs and
the rest ov mankind, the rGcooon
would find what everybody else haz
lost-a heaven upon earth.
But the dogs tree him and the men
skin him, and what there Is left ov him
amt worth q cuss.
He is not q natral vagaband like The
hedgehog, and the alligator, but luvs
10 be civilized and live among folks;
but he haz one vice that the smarLeSt
missionary on earth kant redeem, and
that IL the art nv stealing.
he IL second only 10 the crow In nett
larceny, and will steal what he can't
eat, nor hide.
he will tip over barrel oy apple
sass just for the fun oV maulInS the
sass with his feet, and will pull out The
plug out ov the molassIB, not be kause
be luvs sugar emmy better than he duz
young duck, but Jlst teW see II the mo.
lassis has got good daub to 1t.
hav studied animal devillry for IS
years, bekause the more devlltfy 10 an
animal, the more human he IL,
1 L 0hA ANU W uuAShlIh bu6 UH9HbuS
ger list, that Noah had coon on board
but Am willing tew bes 10 pound ov
mutton sasSage that Mr.. Coon, and biz
vile commuIed, by stealing a ride.
meyer knu 0 TAckcoou teW want
ennything long that he could steal
quick, .....
Ennyboddy, who haz ever looked q
coon right square In the face, will bet
yua dollar that he ls dead beat, or
under I've hundred dollar bonds, not
lew go into the blEzuess, for the next
ninety days. uir..
hay had tame coons by the dozen,
they are az eazy teW tame az n child, II
yu take them young enud, but kant
advise ennybody 70 cultivate coons,
they want az mulch looking after az u
blind mule on q tow path, and thare
amt emmy more profit In them than
thar IL In stock dividend on the Erie
Rail- road.
l never waz out nv q pet animal
since kan remember, till now, but
have gone out ov the trade forever;
lately l discovered that 1t wAz good
deal like making whlsAell out ov q
kAts tale, running comfortable tale,
and reaping Q kursid mean whISssl.
Rackooons liV tew be 65 years old, II
they miss the sosiety ov men and dogs
enlR, but there amt but lew oV them
die oy old age; the northwestern fur
company are the CRATE undertAkers OF
the coon family. a.a .ra
feel sorry for coons; for with tribe
more brains, they would make reapeo.
table pettitogRers before q jusLisS oV the
peace but even this would not save
them from final perdishun.
Natur don't make emmy mistakes,
after all; she hits the bull right In the
eye every time; when she wants q
rackcoon with rings on hIz tale, she
makes him, and when she wants q
petty logger. she knows how tew make
him, without splicing good coon.
Pettyfoggers, no doubt, hay destiny
tew fill, and they may enable a justiss
or the peace, In cloudy day, teW
know d good deal less OF no law than
he otherwise would; still, for all this, II
/ waz obliged tew pray for one, OF the
other, think now should say, Civ
US q leetle more coon, and good deal
less pettyfogger.
II the RAccoon would only Civ his
whole attenshun tew polltlcks, thar
ain't but few could beat him; he's at
home on the stump, and menny on us,
old c0onS, kan reckolekt how, In 1870,
with nothing but q hard cider diet, he
swept the country, from the north 10
the south pole, like cargo ov epson
psalts.