The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-07-08

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Danger of Envelopes Marked ssTo be Re-
r 81 turned, ''ae'H
The Cincinuatti Times tells the followine
story Of domestic broil from the use of en-.
tvelopes marked as above.4sa. i sssssjs ~
IF not called for within ten days to be re
turned TO-"
Such is the ''legend" On many busisess en-
velopes at present, but they are not adapted
TO all kinds Of business. For instance, if a
married man is writing in clandestine man
ner to another woman than his wife, as he
has no business to do, then 1t is little dan
gerous to use such an envelope, as it may,
like curses and chickens, sscome home to
roost." Such was the case with q certain in
diyidual in this city not long ago, He had
a wife who was not altogether free from
jealousy, and who, on several occasions, had
seen and heard enough to fan the Jealous
spark in his disposition into quite lively
fame. She. received synonymous warning,
not long ago, to the effect that her husband
was sustaining relations of an undue intima-
W VIII q S1J aA0 OdSuluS WIuOW III u
neighboring town, whose name was furnished
her. She, did not delay charging her lord
with Inconsistency and a reckless disregard
Of the vows made her in marriage. He re-
sented the imputation with a virtuous indig-
nation, and noble scorn that went far to-
ward convincing her that she had been ma
liciously deceived by the anonymous inform
CT. Weeks passed away and the wife, whose
heart had been lulled into feeling Of do
nestle security had almost forgotten the in
cident that had furnished her SO much un-
But an incident interposed to verify all
her former suspicious, and transform corrod-
ing doubts into established and despairing
facts. During her husbands absence from
home, among other letters brought to the
house was one marked returned" It was
directed in her husbands own hand to wo-
man, aud that woman-oh jealousy and
'rage-the gay and dashing widow It is al
most needless to say that she hesitated not a
moment to tear off the envelope and read the
letter. The contents established her hus-
bands falsehood and infdelity beyond doubt.
She read in his own hand writing, which was
unmistakable, the most passionate declara-
tons of love for the woman addressed, fol-
lowed by appeals to her to elope with him,
leaving that old hen, my wife, CHATS the
way he wrote, the brute y to scratch for her.
self. The wife might have forgiven his writ
ing love letter to another woman on his
exhibiting due repentance, and promising
not to do it again, but to be- stigmatized as
an eold hen was more than she could forgive
or endure, and she has taken the initatory
steps toward a divorce. p 90 AAo1i}rh 9i}0
The husband, meanwhile, is cursing his
own stupidity. He had a lot of envelopes
with the printed words on one end-"f not
called for in ten days to return To-
Some of them had the blank filed out with
his own name and through some strange, but
entirely UNSTABLE, fatality, he got hold sof
one of these envelopes and used it to .,enfold
the passionate missive his mature pen had
traced to his inamorata. The widow being
away from home until the ten days grace had
expired, the postmaster, Ikea prompt bus
ness man as he is, returned the letter to the
writer's address, as people take pills 'saccord-
ing to directions on the wrapper" with the
above result It proved bitter pill for the
Benedict to swollow. He had
endeavored to make it up with his wife and
induce her to withdraw the suit for a divorce,
but she vowed she would never again live
with a man who, in a letter to secret fame,
calls his wife, an, sold hen" So the end is
not yet. Is T1Js5os, .a 81 stls75sd er
Sucker on the F. Fps of Old Virginia.
~ An Illinois Sucker took great dislike to
foolish young Virginian who was fellow
with him on one of the Mississippi
was on the boat, and saw the
whole of the affair. The Virginian was con-
tinually combing his hair, brushi'g his clothes,
or busting his boots-to ali of which move
ments the Sucker tookgexceptions, as being
what, he termed, g a lectle too dorned nice, by
half" lie finally drew up his chair, beside
the Virginian, and began ~.
2 q Whar might you be from, stranger p
81 81 am from Virginia, sir5'' politely answer
ed the gent. aal .iag aserrxosas NJ .sl,sf
! /" From old Virgginny, 1 s'pose Z" says the
Sucker. $3.50 r-....... r.
l9s' Yes, g Sir old Virginia" was the reply
i"sYou air pooty, high up in the pictures
- don't know what you mean by that re-
mark, SIR. ,-.,, -, ...-..o,,.,t -.....
g ooh, nuthin," says che Sucker. I" but that
you are desperate rich, and hey ben brought
up right a,icc.'' s4'3 10 t1i9g 5ias'.ya p Is
s,, /. If ltho information will crafty you,, lin
any way" says the gent, patronisingly smooth
ing down his hair, !" I belong to one Of the
first families" 4'1''''' 1a.A''9 ''''
~" OIL in course" answered the Sucker
sWen, stranger, bcin' as you belong to the
fust, Eli just. give you two Of the latest
shoats in all Illinois eff you'll only find me a
Teller that belongs to one Of the second Vir-
ginny families" '''s9 .s e'
4 !" You want to quarrel with me, sir" says
the Nirginian. ag4.s f,ysYIfso eta jrd ~
!. No, stranger, not at" atom" answered the
sucker, Z" but never seed one of the second
family, and I'd gin suthin to git sight of
one of 'em. Lknow you are one Of the FIRST,
cause you look jest like JOHN RANDOLPH"
This Modified the Virginian- hint Of
a resemblance to the statesman was fattering
to his feelings, and he accordingly acknowl-
edged relationship to the orator. '
He, you know, descended from the ingln
gal, Pocahontas." IS itia,l ..ge ~ rAJ
g You are right, sir, answered the other.
"Well, stranger" said the Sucker, " do you
know there is anuther queer thing allys puz-
zles nae, and it's this-I never seed Virgin
nyin that didn't claim to be either descended