The Portland daily press., 1869-11-13
Gossip and Gleanings.

"A correspondent suggests that Soomon's
wisdom was due to the fact that he had 700
wives, whom he consulted on all occasions.
-"Lenny, you're pig" said father 10
! his little five-year old boy. "Now, do you
know what pig is, Lenny?" eyes, sir; a
pigs hogs little boy"
Ladies are like watches-prettye enough 10
look at-sweet faces and delicate hands, but
somewhat difficult to REGULATE" after they are
set a-gong.
"A butcher presented bill for the teuth
time to an old skinaint. ''It strikes me,' said
the latter, ''that this is a pretty round BILL"
"Yes," replied the butcher, "Pve sent it round
often enough TO make it appear so: and
have called now TO get it squared"
During fine starlight evening lately,
three-year old philosopher after silent and
apparently profound scrutiny of the heavens,
asked his mother abruptly where the stars
came from. Mamma replied: II don't know
Willie" eyes you do, too" "No, Willie,
don't know where the stars came from.'
swell, you bet 1 do. The moon laid en )"
This was ''seltler'' for mamma.
got off the following for the benefit OF his
hearers: "You think de Lord amt bout heah
all de time! If you duz, you is mistaken.
One time He met de debble walkin' round
like aroarin' lion, and de Lord say; gwiI
to put you into de pit for a thousand years;
an got a great mind to put you in dar for
two thousand years; after dat, If cotch you
roun' again I'll put you in dar forebber, il is
got to do it at de point Of de bayonet."
My DEAR" said an anxious father to his
bashful daughter Of sixteen,"I intend that
you shall be married, but do not intend that
you shall throw yourself away on any wild,
worthless boy of the present day. You must
marry man Of sober, mature age, one that
can charm you with wisdom and good advice
rather than with personal attraction. What
| do you think of fine, intelligent mature
husband of fifty ?" The timid, meek, blue
| eyed little daughter looked in paterfdmi lass
| face, and with The slightest possible touch Of
| interest in her voice, answered: 81 think two
of twenty five would be much better, pa"
An Irish Judge tried two most notorious
fellows for highway robbery. To the astonish-
ment of the Court, as well as the prisoners,
| they were found not guilty. As they were
| being removed from the bar, the Juoge, ad-
| dressing the jailor said "Mr Murpnl, you
will greatly ease my mind if you would keep
those two respectable gentlemen unit seven
| or halfpast seven o'clock, Tor mean to set
out tor Dublin at five, and 1 should like to
have at least two hours start of them"
| The late DIR. Jenner having discontinued
his professional visits to patient on account
OF her improved condition, sent couple OIL
ducks IN the mother of the convalescent lady,
recommending the present with the following
| note:
nI,ve dispatched, my dear madame, this scrap of a
ro 1e.,yf say that Miss Lucy is very much better;
| A r.g1 a. doctor no lOUger she la ks,
| Ana therefore I've rent her couple of 'quacks''s
The lady addressed returned thanks with
this:
eyes, twas polite. truly, my very good friend,
Thus a 'eoupe of quacks TO your pa lent TO Sc u;
Since there's hing so likely qlleks II IS plain,
| To make work for regular docto' ag~la'
Habit is everything. We have all heard
the story of the man who slept above ba-
ker's oven for twenty years, then changed his
lodgings; but he had to go back to the oven
before he could sleep. A case illustrating
the same principle is reported in Ohio: A city
man, accustomed to lodge on one OF the moi
isiast streets visited country irleud Tco
much quiet destroyed his rest at night. HIS
friend felt for his distress, and said be wou'u
try and relieve it. Accordingly ne "en'
neighbors and procured bass al 'im' VIZ
he heat rnder The guests bedroom wind W.
and had his boy run squeaking wheelfar-
ronr mn ord down on the porch, whle BIS
.,,s, ,iornd on the piano, aid his servant siii
, nounded on the chamber door WIN n",,sd .uI , -
n this manner the sufferer was ens",u -
sts s,eep II though it was heavy on the family