Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-11-05
SUM NATRAL HISTORY.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

FLEAs. The smallest animal ov the brute
creation, and the most resky, is the Fleas.
They are about the bigness ov an onion
seed and shine like bran new boot.
They spring from low places, and can
spring further than emmy of the bug brutes.
They bite Wuss than the muskeetoz, for
hey bite on a run; one flea will go aul over
mans suburbs in , minnits, and leave
him as freckled as the meazles
II is impossible to do ennythiug well with
a flea on you except sware, and feas ain t
afraid of that; the only way is to quit biz
uess ov all kinds and hunt for the flea, and
when you have found him he amt thare
This IL one ov the flea mysteries, the facul-
" they have ov being entirely lost jist az
ou have found them.
| don't suppose there IL ever killed, on
an average, during emmy one year, more
han Is feas in the whole ov the United
States or America, unless there IL a casuaIt.
ov sum kind-once in a while thare is dog
gifts drowned sudden, and then there may
be few feas lost.
They are about as bard TO kill as iaxseed
- -. - 49, -
ground pepper, they will start bizness agair
on smaller kapital, jist az pestiverous az
ever
There IL lots ov people who have never
seen a flea, and it takes pretty smart man
rew see one enDyhow; they don't stay long
in place.
It you ever ketch flea, kill him before
WI do ennything else; for if yu put it of
, minnits, it may be too late.
Menny flea have passed away forever in
less then 2 minnits.
BED BUGs.-I never seen ennybody yet
but what despised Bed Bugs. They are the
meauest of aul crawling, creeping, hopping
or biting things.
They dazen't tackle a man bi dalite, bu'
sneak in after dark, and chaw him while he
fast asleep.
A musketo will fte in broad dalite, at
short range, aud give you fair chance to
knock in his sides-the flea is game bug,
and will make a dash at VI even in Broad
way-but the bed bug is garroter, who
waits till yu strip, and then pick out mel.
low place tew eat yu.
IF | wuz in the habit ov swareing
wouldn't hesitate to cuss bed bug rite teW
his face.
Bed bugs are uncommon smart IN small
way, one pair ov them will stock a haii
mattress in 2 weeks with bugs enuff tew last
a small family a Whole year.
1t don't do emmy good to pray when bed
bugs are in season; the only way to git rid
ov them il too bile up the whole bed in aqua
fortis, and then heave it away and buy q
new one.
Bed bugs when tha hev grone awl tina in
rend too, are about the size Ov bluejay'
eye, and hev brown complexion, and wer
tha start out too garrote are az thin az 1
grease spot, but when tina git thru garrotin
tha are swelled up like blister.
1t takes them days tew git the swelling
out ov them.
If bed bugs hev emmy destiny TO fill, Il
must be their stummicks, but it seams tev
me that tha must hev been made by aeci
dent. Just as slivvers are, TIVE stick into sum
boldly.
Ii tha wuz got up for sum wMe purpose
tha must hev took the wrong road, for there
kant be emmy wizdum iu chawin' man aw
mite long, and raisin' family besides to fol
lsr the same trade.
If there is sum wizdum in aul this,
hope the bed bugs viii chaw them folks whc
kin see it, and leave me bee, bekause an
| one ov the herticks.