The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1869-03-30
HUMOROUS TRIPLES.

WHAT THE SIGNS ARE.-FOr the BEN
eft of the superstitious, we give the
following translations OF the signs of
the times, all of which are true: II you
break lOoking-glass, it Is sign th0t
you will have to get another one. If
you help yourself to piece of butter
when you have already piece on your
plate, it is n certain sign you will have
wo pieces. Never start to go anywhere
or to do anything on Friday, because
you can't get a great way before Sun
day. II you drop fork, and it sticks
in the floor, it is sign it is good fork.
If you spill salt, it is a sure sign that
you have a salt-room. If you spill a
dish cloth on the floor, 1t is II sure sign
you will have to pick it up again.
A SEA-CAPrA1N, trading to the Afri-
can coast, was invited to meet a COM
mittee of society for the evangelical
ton of Africa. Among numerous
questions touching the habits and re-
ligion of the African races, he was
mey keep Sunday ?'' ''Keep Sunday"
he replied, "Yes, and every other darn:
ed thing they can lay their hands on"
A RATHER fast youth was relating
the experience OF his voyage across the
ocean to sympathizing friend.
Said he:-"I tell you what, old
fellow, there's one good thing
about it, though: You can get
as tight as you please every day,
and everybody thinks you're only sea-
sick !"
A LITTLE five year old. who was hun
CRY one night recently, just at bedtime,
but didn't wish to ask directly for
something more to eat, put it in this
way:-"Mother, are little children VINO
starve to death happy after they die ~
A good big slice OF bread and butter
was the answer.
A LOVE E-LETTER.-'.Deer-I send bi
the buoy a bucket of tlowers-They Is
like mi luv for u. The niteshaid menes
kepe dark. The dog fenil menes am
ure sla'Y.
"RosiS red and posts pail
My love for u shall never phRle."
INDUcEMENT.-An old minister the
other day asked a woman what could
be done to induce her husband to at
tend church. II don't know" she re-
piled, "unless you were to put a pipe
and jug Of whisky in the pew"
"TRREE and sixpence per gal J" ex~
claimed Mrs. PartingtOn, looking over
the price current. "Why, bless me,
what is the world coming TO, when the
gals are valued at only three and six
pence?"
A GENTLEMAN travelling on steamer
one day at dinner was making way
with a large pudding close by, when ne
was told by servant that 1t was was
desert. at matters not to me-" said
he, ~ would eat it il it were a viii der
ness"
Iris curious fact in the grammar OF
politics that, when statesmen get into
nIace they often become oblivious OF
their antecedents, but are seldom Ior-
petful of their relatives.
A LADY speaking of the gathering OF
LAWYERS to dedicate new court mousse,
said she supposed they had gone ''tC
view the ground where they mus'
shortly lie."
WOMEN are generally in quest o.
something. Conquest seems TO sui
them about as well as anything.
A GIRL with a "ringing 4augh
caused an alarm of fire the otner u"y
l They took her for a belle.
II mankind are animals, can fash
ionable ladies be called "tralheo
animals?
SCUM thinks the dearest eyes he knows
of just now are those of potatoes.
THE "A1D" THAT IS By No MEAS A;S
D1sAGRERABLENowA
The apple Eve longed for and ale a
last must have been pineapple
THE MOST APPRoPRIATF WooD Fol
WOODEN SHoEs-Sandal,w wood.
"How are you getting along at New
mort ?"-"Oh, swtmminglY ~