Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1869-05-27

A correspondent of Liverpool pape
urges the ladies to ''cut off three-quar
/ ters of yard from the trails of thei
dresses, and send the cloth to the chari
ty schools"
A y estern editor, in response to ,
subscriber who grumbled that his morn
ing paper was intolerably damp, say,
that il was because there was SO mucl
due on it,"
| A Frenchman brought tive mugs t,
the milkman in pla of one, as usual
and, on being asked the meaning of it
replied: Dis vor te milch, and dis Vol
te water; an ] will mix them &c rs Il
seote myself"
An Irishman went to live in Scotland
for short time; but didn't like the
country. II was sick all the time / was
there" said he, land if / had live,
there till this time I'd been dead yeaI
ago!"
Martha" said James, what letter in
the alphabet do you like best?" Martha
didn't like to say; but the young maj
insisted. "Well," was her final answer
as he dropped her eyes, II think like
U best" :"
Jones, hard drinker in Massachu-
sets. had fit and was bled. A neigh
Dor held the candle, and another warn
ed him to be careful not TO set fire ts the
blnod. Jones heard the remark
There's no danger" he growled, lit,
Smiths rum"
Prisoner, ysu are charged with beg
ging on the public street on Sunday, OIL
the pretense that you are suffering from.
u grievous wound" "We ell, it il all
true" why didn't you show you.
wound to the police, then, when the,
asked to see it?" II couldn't yer honoi: /:
my wound is closed 9p Sundays"
On = kentucky railroad, recently,
while train was passing through q
tunnel, = young man attempted to ks,
girl who sat in front of him. when she
seized his hand and bit out a large
piece. When the cars emerged, the
young man, wrapping up his bleeding
hand, explained to inquiring friend.
how the window fell on it."
The ruling passion was recently ex-
hibited in remarkable manner ON the
occasion of funeral. An old lady had
lost her husband, and on tue day of the
funeral her neighbors we. e somewhat
tardy in appearing at the sslemnities.-
"Nabby," said she, "hand me my knit
ting, L might as well be taking q lew
stitches while the gathering is taking
place"
A cOteric in French provincial town
so gave themselves up to dull ,onun-
drums and riddles that q visitor from
Paris, happening to be cast among the
provincials, found he could endure it no
more. Thinking to ridicule them oul
of their dull pastime, he said he had
splendid conundrun to prepound. All
eagerly listened II am said he,
something worn on the head | am
called hat. Now guess what -
Then there was lsng pause the COM
one peculiarly sharp fellow burst OUT
II have it! It's wig!"
AT the Court of Criminal Correction
of st. Louis lately. . learned lawyer.
at his success with an Irish
witness, complained to the court. The
said: .'I'm no lawyer, yef
honor, an he wants to puzzle me u
Counsel-''Come, now, do you sweai
you are no lawyer" Witness-"Faith. |
an do; an you might swear the same |
about yourself, without danger of per-
jury" This reminds one of the story |
told by q recent writer Of the late James
Brady. Brady was one day much an
nOyed by an Irish witness, who would
persist in addressing him as "Mr. o.
Brady Losing patience, at last, the
great advocate said, rather roughly: al
am not Mr.. O'Brady. L have mended /
nv name" Have YET" was the cool
'eply. Fax, an tits pity ye didn
mend yer manners at the same time"