Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1869-05-07
HUMORSOME.

For speaking to the point, commend Us to
the Western press. Here Is what lively Ms
souri, paper says - The poor old dilapidatcd
piece of flesh and bones who hangs himse out
every week in the Jackson D.: tqRdGrd, and who,
by common consent, was considered the jlckass
OF the Editorial Union, has ratified his old skee-
ton at us"
Ditties--What was Ewes first song "A new
ditty What are foolish songs Stupid ditty
and aosurd-ditty. What should be the q lay
OF the hem Cupid-ditty What is a slilor's
song A quid-ditty What is a sour-sOng
An aeid-ditty. What is a strange song2 An
odd-ditty.
The following correspondence appears in the
Paris papers - Mr. Edtor-I read the full'w-
ing letter in the International Why don't the
lsraelit : eat pork Because wolves do not de-
YOUR each other. (Signel) Baron Du Chalet
Permit me to inform Baron Du Chalet, through
your excellent journal, that he would never be
eaten by an lsraelite, our religious law forbid
ding it. (Signed) A. Israelite-"
g Mamma" excsime1 beautiful girl. who
suffered aifectation 10 obscure the ittle intellect
she possessed, - What is that long green thing
lying on the dish before you - % A cucumber,
my beloved Georgianna, replied her mtmms,
with a bland smile at her daughters commend
able curiosity. '' cucumber gracious gu0l-
ness, my dear mamma, how extranrlin,ry I
always imagined, until this moment, that they
grew in slices -
Ii is said that DR.. Chalmers once entertained
at his table a distingu shed guest from SwiizT-
land, whom he asked if he would lepei 10
" kippered salmon" The foreign divine asked
the meaning OF the uncouth wori kipperel, ard
WAS told that it meant preserved The poor
tition that the distinguished divine might long
be % kippered to the Free Church OF ScOtLni.
A good story is told Of "a Connecticut railroad
President, who went in-o large jewe.ry e-rah-
iishment in New York recently to buy watch
Some worth : 200 apiece were shown 20 uiu-
" Are You sure they are reliab,c time-5eerer-.''
asked the President b. Certainly, replied the
clerk. " and proof of the t1et let me aii tlH,t
two Of the conductors upon he---auI--rtIl-
road mentioning the road Of which the purcha-
ser was PresidenD have them ln'leei,
said the President, % very gooi recommenda-
ton, but they are too expensive for me -
The sore traits 10 which are put 10 keen their
own cOunsels are well illustrated by an aueclute
told Of Alr. Lincoln Before be had got well in
ured To the torture Of Washington politicians,
he was visited by an Old friend Of the West
whom We will call Smith ''Smth,' said the
President, with a ruetul visage - out in Illinois
they used to think me an honest man but here
these fellows firist lies right out q me-
At one time Dr. Vayland was lecturing on the
the weight of evidence furnished by human ties
timony He was illustrating its authority and
sufhciency even for the establishment Of mira
cles \ member of the class, not entirely salts
fed with the correctness Of the teaching. sug-
gested practical application Of the doctrine
What would you say. DR.. Waylaud, If stated
that as | was coming up College street, saw
the lamp-post al the corner 4 uce,' Il should
ask you where You had been, my son, - WIS the
quie, reply in the instructors gravest manner.