Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-07-06
Mites.

Rising men-Balloonists.
Belle-A female boss of the situation.
A water-spout-A temperance Grafton.
Counter attractions-Pretty lady clerks.
Motto for cheap boarding houses No piece
repeated
Many of the richest planters of Jamaica live
on coffee grounds
To keep your wife in constant check-make
her dress IN glngham.
Song for magistrates" Let us speak of a
man as we've fined him.
"Pays" is the name of newspaper in Paris.
Don pay is the name Of great many in this
country.
Ladies may not read the news, but they al.
ways read the marriages and deaths, and the
cheap goods column.
It's an i'll wind that blows nobody any good,
as the glazler said when gust shattered his
neighbor's glass door.
A bachelor uses the following modification OF
hackneyed phrase in congratulating newly
married friend: Il wish you much jaw
It is observed that the men of the most cheek
make the best performers In brass bands. Like
that modest plant. the sunfower, they blow
we'll.
OF person who died lately at Bethany, CT.
the obituary says: HE was as honest a man
as ever lived, and had worn no hat for forty
years.
A Nebraska editor says shell is treeless, -
and warmly exhorts his readers to plant trees
in Nebraska, for otherwise it might be thai
comparlsonS are OdorouS'
TonoC in b;s e,ooob
dnlicus Socrdtes sed major reritas" The Pi-
oneer next day printed it thus: Il NAV cuss
Plato, may cuss Socrates, said Major Veritt
ASS
A Boston paper says that the Jubilee folks
there have thoroughly scraped the country fol
catgut, for the mammoth peace festival. and
aspired to secure the lunar bow, but found il
too high strung
Inc last aurora boreals story is related by a
correspondent of a New Haven paper. who
looked at the telegraph wires. and saw sparks
OF electricity hop along them like infnitesimal-
ly small Illuminated toads''
The Gloucester Telegraph states that fish
dealer ordered box of haddock from Boston
and 1t came marked G. 0. d. whereat he in
dulged In extreme profanity because he had Or
dered haddock and not Goldfish.
A Wisconsin paper having exulted over the
fact OF It's coming out in a new dress, a rival
sheet remarks: I'm this, as in everything else,
they are an age behind our office, which was
supplied with new material years ago.
In speaking of clerical friend who nossess-
ed very rubicund countenance some one said
the other day: Il don't think he drinks; in
fact know he does not, for he told me s. bnt
ne probably sleeps in bed with red curtains y
1t is reported that General Grants Onaker
agents are not doing very we'll with the Indian
tribes, because they bring rain with them wher-
ever they GO. ''Ugh!' cried Hole-in-the- hot
tie big chief Of the Arapahoes. Quake no
good: Bring water No whisky
A few days ago a recently married connie
from the country spent portion of that ro
mantle season denominated the honeymoon. -
In our burg. and, of course, put up and epiov-
cd the hospltallties Of the Garno house. Dn-
ring Dinner the young lady was observed to turn
red and pale by turns, but this was laid to her
new position as a wife. But Scruggs. who has
sharp ear heard her ask her husband:
lis my face dirty p
DIRTY No. Why do you ask?''
=. Because that insulting waiter insists On mt.
ting towel beside my plate. Eve throw
under the table, and yet every tin
by ne puts another before M "lour
he comes