The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1869-04-16

She-passes babe in arms.
GERALD MASSEY.
A Richmond lady, who went to
see the =" Black Crook" while on
visit TO New York, was asked when
she returned If she thought the exhi-
bitioh Objectionable; to which she
wittily replied that she saw no OBJ
lection TO ladies going"
Some cotemporary wit insists that
all dog matte men are liable to hydro
phobia without bling bitten.
Come, Bill, it's ten o'clock, and l
shink we had better be going-for it's
time honest folks were at home"
Well, yes. was the answer, l must
be of, but you needn't hurry on that
account"
''Csn't you trust me, Mr.. Butcher,
for little meat, this morning?'
i mo; you owe me for that already on
your bones"
A soap and stationery vender in
Philadelphia rings at the door bell,
sends up his card to the lady of the
house, waits in the parlor till she ap-
pears, when he greats her warmly,
like an old acquaintance, passes the
compliments of the season, and asks
her to buy cake of soap or box of
stationery. Cool. -
Gen. Butler SAYS that the immortal
ad interim Thomas has received about
$14, 900 during the year for inspecting
graveyards. If this be so, he may be
called the most successful undertaken
In the country.
If you had eighty years to live,
how would you spend it so as 10 be
perfectly happy here below?" asked a
French writer, and answers it himself:
The first thirty years as a pretty
woman, thirty more as a great General,
and the rest as a Bishop
A wandering Yankee who had put
up for the night at hotel in a West
ern border town, on entering the bar
room next morning found the land
lord sweeping up what he supposed to
be grapes. He said to him: You
have pretty large grapes out here"
''Grspesb" said the landlord +" them S
eyes that was gouged out here last
night.
The Detroit Post mounts It's Pegasus
to the following effect: :" There was
a man ia Washington and he was
wondrous wise he pitched into my
policy, and scratched out all his rs;
and when he saw his is were out,
with all his might and main, he pitch
ed into the War Office, and scratched
out what little there was left Of him
self. This isn't poetry; but it's true"
When Andy went in
Andy q King would be:
When Andy came Out
The devil of KING was he.
The cards at a recent wedding in
this city were as large as the old-tash-
toned letter sheet. Each visitor was
accompanied by an able bodied man
with hand cart, who lifted in the
gigantic pasteboard to a couple of
lusty Africans. whence it was lugged
into side room. Nothing like the
stunning thing, you know.
Or. Pillpowder cautioned his pa
tient, iss. Oniontop, not to over do.
Said she wouldn't, but remarked in
cidcntally that her husband often let
his notes get into that.
80 When men love 10 earnest they
make a business of it. In such eases
1t is not business before pleasure, but
with it. For thrilling particulars in
ouire of those who have been there
Den strain at a gnat and swallow
a camtL III you do, you will get q
much greater strain after swallowing
the camel. A whole camel is too
much for single swallow. In truth,
swsllow oomRared with camel is a
small affair.
Water is the very best Of beverages.
That is why people are. so careful of
it. Take almost anything first.
IF YOU want Ia. be respected in the
nublicr streets, take a good-sized paint
bot in each hand. Everybody will
notice you; maybe give you a curse,
maybe a kick.
Grammatical. John, what is the
past Of seeY
Seen. sir."
~" No, John, it is saw.
Yes, sir; SO if a sea-fsh swIms b.
me it becomes a sal0- fish when it Ii
past aud can t be seen.
Teacher" Hem! yes. Now, John
you had better 90 home. Ask YOU
mother to soak your feet in hot water
to prevent rush OF brains to tn
head"
CIRCUMLoOUTION.- Cincinnati.
few years since, an unsophisticate,
darkey waited upon a certain militar
geptlems with bill of $40 so 70
washing done at the camp hospita
which. after undergoing a rigorou
scrutiny by the officer, was returned
with the following explanation, whic
the astonished son of Ethiopia Ia
tened to with an equal amount {
wonder and perplexity:
This bIl, said the military ger
tleman, will first have to be SCI
I'd the Quartermaster General ;
Washington, and he will report to II
Adju,ant General, and be will lay
before the Secretary of War for Ii
approval The Adjutant being sati
fed, it will be sent to the Auditor
State, who will approve of it and sen
il to the Secretary of the Treasur
who will send it to the United Stat
-l1 Treasurer, who will at once dispatC
an order to the collector of this pc
to pay the bill"
The darkey relieved himself of