Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1869-09-30
How Smith Asked the Old
Man.

t'6| 6|s4ss
Smith had Just asked Mr.. Thompson's sdaugh-
ter if she would give him a lift out of bachelor
dom, and she had said " Yes"
1t therefore became absolutely necessary to
get the old gentleman's permission, SO, as Smith
said, the arrangements might be made to hop
the conjugal twig.
Smith said he'd rather pop the interrogatory
to all of old Thompsou's daughters, aud his
sisters, and his lady cousins, and bis aunt Ham
nah, in the country, and the whole of his ie-
male relations, than ask old Thompson. But
it had to be done, and 50 he sat down and stu
died out speech which he was to disgorge at
old Thompson the first time be got shy at
him. So Smith dropped in on him one Sun
day evening, when all the family had meander-
ed around to meeting, and found him doing a
sum in beer measure.
GLOW are you, Smith" said old Thomp-
son, as the former walked in, white as piece
Of chalk, and trembling as if he had swallowed
a condensed earthquake Smith was afraid to
answer, cause he want sure about that
speech He knew he had to keep his grip on
it while he had it there, or it would slip from
from him quicker than an oiled eel through an
augur hole. So he blurted out
Mr.. Thompson, sir: Perhaps it may not
be unknown to you, that during an extended
period of some FIVE years, have been busily
engaged in the prosecution Of a commercial
enterprise"
ais that 50, and keepin' it secret all this
time, while | thought you were tendin' store ?
Well, by George you're one of them now, amt
you ?"
Smith had begun to think it all over again,
to get the run Of it.
"Mr. Thompson, sir: Perhaps it may not
be unknown to you, that during the extended
period of five years, have been busily engaged
in the prosecution of a commercial enterprise,
with the determination to secure a sufficient
maintenance"
"Sit down, Smith, and help yourself to beer.
Don't stand there holdin' your hat, like a blind
beggar, with paralysis. never have seen you
behave yourself so queer in all my born days
Smith had been knocked out again, and so
he had to wander back again and take fresh
start.
" Mr.. Thompson, sir: 1t may not be un-
known to you, that during an extended period
of five years, have been engaged in the prose-
cution of a commercial enterprise, with the de-
termination to procure a sufficient mainte-
nance"
"Awhich ance ?" asked old Thompson; but
Smith held on to the last word as if it was his
only chance, aud went on:
"In the hope that some day might enter
wedlock, and bestow my earthly possessions
upon one whom | could call my own. | have
been lonely man, sir, and have felt that it is
not good for a man to be alone; therefore
would"
"Ncithcr is it, Smith I'm glad you drop
ped in. Hows the old man ?'
Mr.. Thompson, sir" said Smith, in des-
pairing confusion, raising lis voice to yell,
." it may not be unknown to you that during
an extended period Of lonely man, ! have
been engaged to enter wedlock, and bestowed
all my enterprise on one whom could deter
mine to be good for certain possessions-no, !
mean-that is-that-Mr. Thompson, sir it
may not be unknown"
"And then, again, it may. Look here, Smith
you'd better lay down and take something
warm-you amt well"
Smith swearing like four-year old colt,
went in again.
Mr. Thompson, sir: 1t may not be lspely
to you to prosecute me whom you friend, for
a commercial maintenance, but-but-ch-
dang it-Mr. Thompson, sir: It"
"Oh, Smith, you talk like fool. never
seen frst-class IDIOT in the course Of my
whole life. What's the matter with you, any
how?'
Mr.. Thompson, sir" said Smith, in an
agony Of bewiderment, " it may not be known
that you prosecuted a lonely man who is not
good for a commercial period Of wedlock for
some five years, but"
See here, Mr.. Smith, you're drunk, and if
you can't behave better than that, you'd better
leave; if you don't, I'll chuck you out, or I'm
a Dutchman."
Mr.. Thompson, sir," said Smith, frantic
with despair, " it may not be unknown to you
that my earthly possessions are engaged to en-
ter wcdlock five years with a sufficiently lonely
man, who is not good for commercial main
tenance-"
"The very deuce he isn't Now you jist git
up and git, or I'll knock what little brains out
Of you you've got left"
With that, old Thompson took Smith and
shot him into the street as if he'd run him
auaiust A locomotive. going ont at the rate Of