davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

H. G's MANUscRIPT-Horac Greeley
manuscript is notOriously bad, and it is said
to require printer of no ordinary skill to set
up his copy if he happens to write in hurry.
The recent newspaper anecdOte headed" Will
liam H. Seward" which Mr.. Greeley had re-
turned to him set up Richard H." is fresh
in the mind of all; but an occurance still more
funny is related which happened in the 1ri-
Jarne office some years since.
A compositor had made so many errors in
setting the philosophers copy, that it irri-
tated him to such degree that he wrote the
typo a letter discharging him from further du-
ty The cOmpositOr being unable to decipher
the contents of the note on receiving it, took
| it to the foreman, who explained to him that
he was mot a careful man and Mr.. Greeley
dispensed with his services. The man laid
down his stick, put on his coat and left. The
next day he applied for situation as assistant
foreman in large printing office In the same
street. The proprietor inquired If he coulC
bring a recommendation from his last employ
er.
"All l have is in this letter from Mr.. Gree
ley," said the young man, boldly producing tn
document.
The worthy job printer scaned it some mo
merits with a perplexed air. H--m-m care
full an-services-signed III. Greeley--yes
that will do; we will engage you" And h
did, and never learned till two years after tina
the letter from Mr.. Greeley" was one OF dis
} credit instead of commentator, as he ha
( supposed.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

The Philadelphia Press relates an anecdote
of the late Mr. Swain, formerly editor of the
Public Ledger, who was met by an excited
gentleman, one morning, with the exclamation,
=" Mr.. Swain, have stopped your paper, sir.
Swain was thrown into profuse sweet directly.
He expressed the greatest grief that any one
should take it into his head to stop his paper,
and finally prevailed upon the stopper" to ac'
company him to his Office, where everything
was progressing as usual, whereupon SWAN
ii thought you said you had stopped my pa
u er,-everything is going on as usual, see. '
t I meant to say [ stopped taking my copy O
your paper" "Oh," said Swain, and there
upon begged the gentleman pardon for walk
ing him down so many blocks out of his cOurs
for such a trife. The irate gentleman thel
perceived his stupidity in time to renew hi
patronage"
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

NUMBER OF WORDS IN UsE.-We are told
On good authority, by clergyman, that some
of the laborerS in his parish had not 5000
words in their vocabulary; that of the ancient
sages of Egypt, SO far as is known to us Of the
heroglyphic inscriptions, amounts to about
CPS words The libretto of an Italian opera
seldom displays a greater variety. of words.
been at a public school and at university, who
reads his Bible, his Shakespeare, and al! the
books Of Mules library, seldom uses more
than 5000 or 1000 words in actual converse
ton. Accurate thinkers and close reasoners )
who avoid vague and general expressions, and
wait till they find the word that exactly. fits
their meaning, employ larger stock, and el.
oquent speakers may rise to the command OF
10000 Shakespeare, who displayed greater
variety of expressions than probably any writer
in any other language, produced all his plays
with about $4,000 'ords Millions works are
built up with eight thousand, and the Old Tes
lament says all it has to say in 5,642 words.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

ORIGIN OF EMINENT MEN-Some of our
newspapers are fond of placing before the pub
lie the origin of rich men. We think the poor
ones should have chance 50 We relate the
following brief facts for the encouragement Of
others:
John Smith was the son of his father He
formerly resided in Stoke Pogis, and other
places; but he has removed to the Penitentiary
now.
William Smith was the son of his mother.
This party's grandmother is deceased. She
was woman.
John Brownwas the son of old Brown. The
body of the latter lies modering in the grave.
Edward Brown was the son Of old Brown by
particular friend.
Henry Jones was the son of sea-cook.
William Cannon was the son of gun.
John Jones was son of Temperance.
In early life Gabriel Jones was actually
shoemaker. He is a shoemaker yet.
Previous to the age of eighty-fve Caleb
Jones had never given any evidence of extra
ordinary ability. He has never given any
since,
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

THE FAT In THE FIRE-A gentleman who
had carefully trained up his servant in the way
he should go, so that when his wife was present
he might not depart from it sent him with a
box ticket for the theatre to young lady.
The servant returned when the gentleman
and his wife were at dinner. He had, of
course, been told in giving answers to certain
kinds of questions, to substitute the masculine
for the feminine pronoun in speaking of the la
dy.
"Did you see him?" said the gentleman,
giving him the cue. =,
YES, yes" replied the servant; {" he said
he'd go with pleasure, and that he'd wait for
you, sir"
"What was he doing?" asked the wife, who.
with the usual penetration of her sex, thought
that she had discovered mouse in the meal
tub.
"Hc was putting on his bonnet !" was the
reply. And the scene closed upon an extin-
guished husband.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21
Mrs. CaudIe on the VcIOcipede.

Last week we gave husband secture to his
wifi, about the velocipede. Below we give
wife's lecture to her husband on the same sub
ject. We desire our readers to hear both sides
of the question:
Mrs Caudle first night)-" There, Caudle,
just, just look at that! Torn the best pair of
pants you had in the house. Now, how did
that come about?"
Mr.. c." Well, you see rode the velocipede
this forenoon and another machine ran into
mine, and before l knew it my pants were
torn.
Mrs. c." Ripped your coat, too haven't
you? You didn't want me to see that tear?
And there's your best beaver, all smashed up!
Perhaps you'll say the vclocipcde did that? 1t
did, did it? But, Mr.. Cauilc, what s the mat
ter with your hands? Why they arc all blister
ed up.
Mr.. C.-"Three days riding the velocipede
is enough to blister any5ody's hands; but it's
nothing when you get used to it. Happens to
all beginners"
Mrs. c. (second night" What is the mat
ter now, Caudle? You limp as if you had been
horribly injured"
Mr.. CA slight bruise, only a slight
| brulse keep me in the house only day or two
You see, Jack-and he weighs $50 pounds
accidently drove his velocipede over my foot,
and yet one must endure these little things in
order to become an adept in riding the veloci
pede.
Mrs c. (third night)-" Now | would like
to know where you've been all this blessed
evening? Here it is fifteen minutes of mid
night, and you just coming home to your law
fully welded wife. No. You needn't say that
you have been to the lodge because know it
| ISM lodge night.
Mr.. C.-"No my dear, l haven't been to the
lodge. You see, in order to become an adept
Mrs. c." Now, Caudle, l know what you
were going to say. You were going to tel! me
that you must desert me every night for six
weeks while you learn to ride volocipcde Ii
wives had their way they'd burn every veloci-
pede in town. Aud what was the matter with
you last night2 l couldn't get wink of sleep.
Your legs kept going up and down all night,
like pump handles. Velocipede notion was
it! Put your feet in the stirrups, and turn and
throw your knees up and down, doesit? Now
don't tell me it's nothing when you get used
to. 1t is bad enough to sleep with a man when
he is quiet, but to have the bed-clothes flop
ping up and down all night as regularly as that
clock ticks, is a little too much, vo!ocipede or
no velocipede. If you ride the velocipede an
other day. Caude, Ill leave the house"
And with this conclusion the lady ceased,
finding her worthy spouse was already fast
! asleep.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

With reference to the troubles in Cuba, the
New York Sun says :" If, in 1861, the entire
people of the United States had risen III revolt
and deposod Lincoln, and then the North had
erected monarchy, with Gen. Scott as King,
while the South had made new republic,
with Davis for President, we should have been
in precisely the same condition that the late
kingdom Of Spain is. In other words, if any
one could complain of our recognizing the in:
dependence of Cuba, it is Queen Isabella, and
not the Spanish rebels who have deposed heI
and driven her out of the country"
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

The New York Express, noticing the fact
that Miss Vanhorn, of the Richmond post
Office, has decided that her official title
shall be postmaster, and not postmistress, ap.
proves the decision, and adds that women OF
the stage should call themselves actors, and noi
actresses. and feminine physicians DOCTORS not
doctresses. We suppose, then, lady envoy
should be called an ambassador. an Overgrown
woman a giant, and Eugene Of France, her
| Majesty the Emperor. Boston Posi-
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

The New York Times thinks it a remarkable
fact that only small thieves get conscience
stricken" and return their plunder. Only $40
and 800 thieves send conscience money to the
Treasury, and it is anxious for the 800, 900
aud 81 200, 900 thieves to begin to do it.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

Ex-President johnson has encountered an
antagonist in Tennessee in the person of Ex.
Senator Henry s. Fooet, who accuses him OF
being the cause of the disfranchisement OF Inc
| Tenuesseans.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21
testimonials.

., Hon. GEO. w. WOODWARD,
Vnet Justice Of the Supreme Court Of Pa. writes;
Philadelphia, March 26, 1868
II aa Hollands Ger man BIlters IS a good
L useful 10 diseases "a Of the digestive organs
great benefit IN - cases OF debility, and
vi nervous action in the system,
Yours truly, GEO. W. WOODWARD.
1 :, Hon. JAMES THOMPSON.
H.. PhIadephia April %. 1868.
@0sIder HOOaand's German BiiIers' a VALUABLE
~ IN case OF attacks OF Indigestion or Dyspep.
aa certify this from my experience of Il.
w. with respect, JAMES THOMPSON.
/ How GEORGE SHARSWOOD,
A'ee oi the Supreme Court Of Penn, writes:
hk Philadelphia, June lst' 1863
ina nav s.o aound bv exp WI erience that HOoGand's
symptoms SI % %ds1 sG%G SrecIIy seaS' renewing
GEORGE SHARSWOOD.
/ All, FROM REV. E. D. FENDALL,
fAaya ant Editor, Christian Chronicle, Philada.
4anS,. 1SfNed decided benefit from the use OF
8com,,. usfman Bltters. and feel it my privilege
IA ~sna them as a most valuable ionic. 10 all
H. ,;uiueing from general debility, or from
/ Vag IRON arrangement Of the liver.
'OufA Truly, Z. D. FENDALL.
1eSef, the Druggist savs THAI he has sold large
NA,t a 'ae Blliers, and has never sold a medI-
NVe - . more universal satisfaction. He takes
Nrm e'onmending IL to his customers.
Hers,aS N;-doohand's Germ an Remedies are
lsON see that the signature Of c. M
16s,s ~ ~ VI Tue WI Alpper Of each bottle
IaSosl are re counter feit.
H. Msa;nnce, and Mandatory at tn {
1a. Pa 'e'he Store, No 63I ARCH street, PhIla
GhAS. M. EVANS, Proprietor.
Formerly C. M. JACKSON SE Co.
faar. PRICES.
n Oe'nan Bilters, per bottle, sI OF
IaRds half dozen, 0'
Nps, Snan Ss,1n Tome, put up in quart bottles
% no, 'Sssue' sue' or half dozen for 81 so.
EAards, 'getto examine well the article yO
get the genuine.
ueUccISTSoR SALE by ALL
m 'rS and STOREKEEP %RS.
ias hv nsvERVWHERE.
s% 5, lsss hnFFECKER, Smyrna, Del.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

The ergAnist of Christ Church, New York,
having become offended at the officiating cler-
gyman on Sunday last, revenged himself, aud
created sensation among the congregation, by
ing sung, aud leaving the organ silent during
the rest of the service.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21
DEBILITY.

'ulng from any cause whatever; PrOstration OF
lie System, induced by Severe labor, Hard
ships, Exposure, Fevers, &C.
isie s 20 medicine extant equal TO these RENE.
M'lch cases. A IOhe and vIgOr is Impaired to
Whole syslen the appetite Is strengthened, food
fFsd. the stomach dIgests properly. the blood IS
ne, the compile xiOn becomes sound and healthy,
Fellow tlnge IS eradicaled from the eyes, bloom
Isa to the cheeks, and the weak and nervous in
becomes strong and healthy being.
'Sons Advanced IN Life anc feeling he hand OF
EeIghlng heavily upon them, with all It's attend
10 will find in the use Of this BrTTERS or the
lC' an elixir that will lnstil new life into their
AieslOre in a measure the energy and ardOr OF
youthful days, build up their shrunken forms,
gVe health and happiness TO their remaining
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

A Toledo paper says there is young Indian
there who considers himself in full dress when
he has red flannel string around his neck. 4,
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

Jenny Lind's daughter, girl Of twelve years RS
is said to have a voice of remarkable promise,
and to possess much Of the great talents OF hei
mothcT.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

A Portland apothecary has placard in his
window announcing Twelve emetics for 81
not to be taken on the premises" i
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

AN ENoCH ARDEN CASE IN CONNECTICUT.- :
On the evening of August 26, 1857, Mrs. Mil
burn, of Pomfret, Conn, while standing near
window in her own house, was shot by Syl'
vanus Greene, and at that time was not expect
ed to survive. She did recover, however, but
the would be assassin was not to be found, and,
consequently, at that time escaped arrest.
About week ago Greene made his appearance
in Norwich; and being recognized by some Of
the police officers, was arrested. On his exam
ination, it appeared that the woman whom he
shot Mrs. Milburn) was his own wife, He
had, it seemed, abandon her in 1862, soon at
ter his marriage, and enlisted in the navy, and
had not been heard of for about FIVE years
His wife supposing him dead, had married
| Milburn
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

The Cincinnati COMMERCIAL has little ' ro-
nance of real life' concerning Mr.. William
Knight, scholarly Englishmen, who left bis
native country thirty years ago without word
to his relatives, aud went to Iowa where he
practiced as an attorney for some years, and
then retired to solitary house in forest
where he remained till his death recently at the
age of seventy-fve. He lived quite alone,
keeping house for himself and communicating
with his lawyer only; but, at the same time,
reading books and Journals and observing the
progress of the world from 1.-THE loop-holes Of
retreat" Bacon says none but god or q
wild beast could live such life of solitude al
that; he might have added-or an " English
man crossed in love; for that was the cause o.
| poor Knights oddity. A lovely English cir
Tilted him for a very wealthy baronet.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21
NOTICE.

iwsll established fact that fully one-half Of the
portion Of our population are seldom IN
APyment Of good III health, or, to use their
'iPfesslon, new Aer feel we'll" They are
u devoid Of all energy, extremely. nerv-
'ad have no appetite.
as class OF persons The BiIters, or the Onic, Is
ally recommended
WEAK AND DELICATE CHILDREN
f'de strong by the use of either of these RENE
They will cure every case Of MARASMUS,
lN fall
IOsands Of certificates have accumulated ~ the
Of The proprietor, but space will allow Of the
auon Of but few. Those, it will be observed
% OF note, and Of such standing that they mus
Aaeved
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21
hollands German Bitters,

| HOOFLAND'S GERMAN TONIC,
pared by DR. C. nj. JACKSON,
PHILADELPHIA, PA
hlhy.6ve years since they were first introduced
lIhs country IRON Germany, during which time
have undoubtedly eriOrmed more cures. and
siIIed suffering humanity in greater extent, than
other remedies known to the public.
hsSe remedies will = etfeclually cure Liver
NplsinI Jaund e, 81 NDyspepsia, Chronic or
fOu. Debility, Chr k#N OnIc DIarrhea, Disease
/ be Kidneys, and all Diseases arising from a
ordered Liver. Stomach or lnlestInes.
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

go0FLANDS GERMAN BITTER'S,
Hoohand's German Tonic.
The Great Remedies for Diseases Of the
rvER STOMACH, OR DIGESTIVE ORGNs.
VNOFLlNDS GERMAN BITTERS
!. como sed of The pure Juices, (Or as they me
sS,cinay CT termed Er tracts Of Roots, Herbs,
- d Bsrks. making IA 6 preparation highly con
f,uttsIed. AMI ell a III tlrely free from all al
''oltc admirture of any KIND
| HOOFLANDS' GERMAN TONIC
l,cOmbnalOn of all the ingredients of the Eitters,
In the puresl quality SANTA CRUZ RUN, Orange,
4. making one OF The most pleasant and agreeable
fnedles ever offered 10 the public.
krhose prelerrIng Medicine free from Alcoholic
falxIufe, VIII use
| Hoofand's German Bitters.
Those who have no objection TO the combination OF
i Blien as stated, will use
IHOOFLAND'S GERMAN TONIC.
lTh0y are both equally good. and contain the same
.ldenaI virtues, the choice between the Two being
mare mailer of ,ase The Tonic being the most pal.
hble.
ITbe stomach from variety of causes, such as In
l,sslOn Dyspepsia, Nervous Debility, ETC.. is very
Il 10 have lis functions deranged. The very
.ysr sympaIhzlng asa MclOsely as ii does with
/, Stomach then becS Omes affected. the result
which is thai the pa tlent suffers from several
rAOre of the following diseases:
Constipation, Flatulence. Inward Piles,
Funess of Blood to the Head. Acidity
Of the Stomach. Nausea, Heart
burn, Disgust for Food, Fulness
or weight IN the Stomach,
Sour EructatOns, Sink
ing or FIutterng at the Pit
Of the Stomach. Swimming OF
the Head, Hurried or Difficult
Breathing, Flutterng at the Heart,
Choking or SuffOcating Sensations when
in a lying posture, dImness OF vision,
Dots or Webs before the sight,
Dali Pain in the Head, De6ci-
ency Of Respiration, Vel
lOwness Of the Skin and
Eyes, PAIN IN the SIDE,
Back, Chest, Limbs, etc., Sud-
den FIushes of Heat, Burning in
the Flesh Constant imaginings Of
Evil, and Great Depression of Spirits.
he sufferer from these diseases should exercise
Alrealesl caution in the selection of a remedy for
tase purchasing on ly that which he is as
I'd from his inyestiA AgaliOns and inquiries.
smes true merit, is ysklIiully compounded,
lee from injurious IN gradients, and has es-
nhed for itself reputation for the cure Of these
ases ln this connection we would submit those
lLknOwn remedies
Smyrna times., 1869-04-21

OeUcn,sroR SALE BY ALL
1 Isis nND md STOREKEEP %.RS.
seaIs h.. , EvERVwHERE.
S0a 5, lass s' hoFFECKER, Smyrna, Del.
The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1869-04-07
1904. 1s47. 1853.

In l>u2 the grandfather Of DR.. Tobias intro.
lucyd Uo Venetian llujmcul IN England. 1t
was success although the price Was a Guinea
bottle. His late Majesty William ". used Il for
Chronic RheumHtIsm and WAS entirely cured,
after suffering Tor two years, his attcudugphy.i-
cans being unable To effect a cure, and he wrote
n letter of thanks, which is now in possession Of
my uncle in Liverpool. have offered 1 100 ster-
ling for hat letter, but it was refused. In 1917
put it out in the United States and now, in
l-b4, the sale is immense. Thousands Of fami-
lies are never without it, 1t is safe and innocent
10 IMPLY externally or take internally. For u
years have warranted it TO cure the following
complaints, Cholera, Diarrhon, Dysentery,
Group, lUlr Cramps, Vomiting aud sea Sex
ness, taken internally, and Chronic Rncumntsm,
Burns, Cuts, Bruises, Old sores, T"@ths"c
Frosted Feet, Swrllrps. '"r'"' '''nE'' NV I"'"F
-, .,...,, unyH, or Limbs externally. II ucyor
ralls if used a. directed, for tholcm ur Dyscn-
tory tits certain, il used when first attacked. No
one once try ing it, viii over be without IT, Sold
by Druggists Price Fifty Cents and One Dollar.
Depot ~ Park Place, n. y.
mcb l6iWlm
The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1869-04-07
WALTHAN
w At CHE S !
To Buyers Of Watches EvorywhOro.

The greater pnrt Of the jewellers oF the United
Stntea keen Watban Watches. and cordially r..
c,frr,ord than, IN tb.ircust,rpers notvitb.tard.
'''', ~ '',O'' NV
P''''
.., .',I''' ,''
,''' -
''..aT.'I.',s., '-,,,''.',
-, -,
'"' 1'.1 at, ~ " ~ % ,10 INV WV, I"'.u
Co. Nc ''''a Wv "'''''' N"' -,
,,.J. nha l., a,t ,ba wa,th.u yva,,h ,s,
- ,r,:--D-,t.-
,.,,,iy,,r r,n.,. ,,,,,o j., n,,,., ,,,r0r
,,ro,n,.,,t... 800 ,r,.,ho, .b..,, ,.bi,h
,,..,..,rrs, f.,,...,, .nlio ,.L,,h ,,,.,,' =,
LAS o,rD,o,i,,on .r1 ara oo,,oo, tn r,oLo ~
o,oosioosl. slo ~ ,rcb va,cbo, sIa,ss n,o6,
It'll mi. cIns. NJ ls,rey. who. wbon aqtsd aboot
Wal,b.n Watches rss TINT klpl If Ianguags
which ls.is tb,ou,,ornsr g,ollv N Inv ms, .ucr
a va,,b ia N, most p,ogta Ia for the drOler
IN sell
iortbe Information Of per,ons about to buya
watch. and who NAV ne unFavoroblv Affected nv
the rsrresentntions ~ tbo,e uprrIendIv IN oar
wa,,hes. We emil attention TO the rollowius sas-
qest,oo-.
since the Manufacture 'f watches was 'n'ua'
100 a. N"'tI@m' 'ae company nave and cold
Soout 4oO'o Oo W"t'hes' Ia every town and
village OF the country some wearer Of Wal
than watch may be i'uni L't the party about
10 GUY ASA th' owner Of al American watch
this question:
HAS lOO " NALEh Wv EN- AOV SAlL7'
ca iVN
We are not AFRAID to ask nose "IFnins 20 Guy
TN''A 10 S1''e 'no'n'e''es ~ 'ne oN"'F' "o-
ING '"'''"ea az 70 'no 4u''''y " '"' ""'oD' zoe
I'1 ct nus nv" o"'y - satisfy n,uis'" 'N4' 'n'
'"''"N'" "''oD'S are M OhE ~ 20 as
"o'' DIS 'ae o7''' on 'n'S he'0 we NH'e 10"
words 10 81!
"''' '"'"', '''' III IL A,' '"V' IL = '"''
''' ''o''"f the n"u'''' o' "''''' ea
y .''' ''.'"'''"'"'"'' '"0 S'H'.o' vi" " 'n'
'o'' "' '"'" Individual A'''cl' hseP'ng '"'' III
'l' P'"'3 "H' S'"Ny' "''D ~ '''' 0u. P'''
~ '"' 'o'VS' POs''o'e PiiG' IL 0'1'' ~ ~
' ~' S"'e'' ""l mus en- '0'0 Us " -'NI.'n'-
les u minimum ooS' = D L J.. !. L
,.,. ..-'' . u" 'N'' LIS 4 NJ = La D O'''
'N,' P'''E we nave s"O.''''u''' var
'''' wv '''U'' - '''"' '0'',!
"''~'' ." .'e as "u"y watches aS b" 'ue ''1"
w. ;. the ollsea S'a'oS rr' 'ys,'Sy,
,bev A ,,l o,.,.,I-- -, rno,+r A,,o 49,
cent Cheaner than nav a. onaIitv for anal.
49,, wv
The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1869-04-07

Mr.. Ophant, who was secretary to the
British embassy, formed his acquaintance,
received and accepted bis theories aud be.
lieis, and FASTENED 10 cast in his lot with
him. Being reminded few months ago by
the receipt Of letters from his former constit.
uents that he was still looked upon as their
representative, he quietly wrote out his re-.
sgnation as English Legislation, aud for
warled it to London. Mr.. Olphant and his
family express entire satisfaction with their
new life, their religious enjoyments more
than compromising for their material, social,
or political sacrifices.