The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1869-07-03
Sullum Thoughts.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

religion.
Hope IL hen that lays more eggs
than she kan hatch out.
Better leave your child virtew than
money; but this il sekret known only
tew few.
1 honestly beleave it IL better tew
know nothing than tew know what amt
SO.
About the hardest work phellow kan
do IL tew spark two gals at once, and
preserve good average.
Prudery is one of virtew's bastards.
A nick name will outlive emmy man
or thing; it liz like the crook in dogg's
taile-you may cut it off and throw it
! behind the barn, but the crook il there
yot, and the stump liz the epitaph.
If you analize what most men call
plezure, you will find it composed ov one
part hunbug and two parts pain.
When you hain't got nothing to do,
do it at once this IL the way to be biz
zy.
We have been told that the best way
tcw ovcrkum misfortunes iz tew fight
with them. / hav tried both ways, and
recommend successful dodge.
The art Of becoming ov Importance in
the eyes ov others IL not to over-rate our
sell, but tew cause them tew do it.
The true way to undcrstaad the iudg-
ments of Heaven is to submit to them.
Method IL everything, espcshily tew
ordinary men; the few who kan lift
tun at plezzure hav divine right tew
take holt ov it tew a disadvantage
The mind ov man iz like a piece ov
land, that, tcw be useful, must be ma
nured with learning, ploughed.with cner-
sy, sown with virtcw, and harvested with
/ ekonemrt a
WEcFc religion IL II trade. morality il
merchandise
Convcrsashun should be unlveued
with wit, hot composed ov it.
The less man knows the more he
will guess at; and guessing IL nothing
more than suspicion.
Going tcw law iz like skinning new
milch cow for the hide. and giving the
meat tew the lawyers.
Death tcw most ov us, il kind ov
farewell bcncfit" "-"positiycly our last
appearance"
Phools are quite often like hornets-
very bizay, but what ateut the Lord on
ly knows.
Living on hope IL like living on wind;
good way tew git phull, but poor way
tcw git phatt.
Jealousy don't pay-thc best it kan do
iz tcw discover what we don't want tcw
find, nor what we don't expect to-
Sckrcts are mortgage on friendship.
| don't think bad man liz az danger
Gus az weak one. don't think bile
that haz cum tew he'd il az risky az u
hidden one, that may cum tew dozen
hcds.
y vivid imaginashun IL like sun
glasses make things at distance look
twice az big az they am, and cluss tew,
twice az small az they am.
Hope liz draft on futurity, sometimes
honored, but generally extended
If the world despizes hypokrit, what
must they think ov him in Heaven?
Flattery iz like Kolonc watcr--tew be
smeltt ov, not swallowed.
After all, there don't seem tcw be but
this difference between the wze men and
phocls the wizc men are all fuss and
sum feathers, while the phools are all
fuss and no feathers.
Without friends and without cnemys
iz the last reliable ackount we hav ov a
stray dog.
Men generally, when they whip mule,
swarc; the mule remembers the swaring,
but forgits the licking.
Sum folks wonder WHARF awl the lies
cum from, but l don't one good liar
will pisin a whole country.
Hunting after fame is like hunting
after fieas, hard tcw kotch, and sure tew
make you uneazy if yu do or don't ketch
them.
Menny people spend their time trieing
tew find the hole WHARF sin got into this
world. If two men break through the
ice into mill-pond, they had better
hunt for sum hole tew git out, rather
than git into long argument about Tho