Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-10-12
The wild Man"
INTERVIEWED.

There has been so much talk about the mys
terious wild man. out there in the West fo
some time, that finally felt that it was my
| duty to go out and interview him. There
was something touchingly romantic about the
creature and his strange actions, according to
the newspaper reports. He was represented
as being hairy, long-armed, and of great
strength and stature ugly and cumbrous
avoiding men, but appearing suddenly and un-
expectedly to women and children going
armed with club, but never molesting any
creature, except sheep or other prey fond OF
eating and drinking, and not particular about
the quality, quantity or character of the bev-
erages and edibles living in the woods like a
wild beast; seeming oppressed and melancholy,
but never angry; moaning, and sometimes
bowling, but never uttering any articulate
sounds. Such was cold Shep," as the papers
painted him. felt that the story of his life
polntlnent, exlle-a story of mans inhumanity
to man in some shape or other-and l longed
to persuade the secret from him.
'Since you say you are member of the
press, said the wild man, Il am willing to
tell you all you wish to know. By and by you
will comprehend why it is that | am so ready
to unbosom myself to a newspaper man when
| have so studiously avoided conversation with
other people. I will now unfold my strange
story was born with the world We live up
on, almost. am the son of Cain. -
What"
''I was present when the food was an
nounced -
(which %
81 am the father of the Wandering Jew"
'Sir -
I moved out of reach of his club, and went
on taking notes, but keeping wary eye on him
the while He smiled melancholy smile, and
resumed: t
when l glance back over the dreary waste
of ages, l see many a glimmering landmark
that is familiar to my memory. And oh the
leagues | have travelled; the things l have
seen the events have helped to emphasize!
| marched upon Mecca with Mahomet | was
at the assassination of Caesar. | was in the
Crusades, and was with Godfrey when he
planted the banner of the Cross upon the bat
Elements OF Jerusalem. L"
"One moment, please-have you given these
items to any other journal? Can II
''Silence! was in the Pinta' shrouds with
Columbus when America burst upon his vision.
| saw Charles |. beheaded. was in London
when the Gunpowder Plot was discovered. [
was present at the trial of Warren Hastings
| was on American soil when Lexington was
fought-when the Declaration was promul-
gated-when CORVALLIS surrendered-when
Washington died. [ eotered Paris with Ma
poleon after Elba. [ was present when you
mounted your guns and manned your fleets for
your war Of lSl2-when the South fired upon
Sumter-when Richmond fell-when the Pres
ident' S life was taken. In all the ages | have
helped to celebrate the triumphs of genius, the
achievements of arms, the havoc of storm, fire,
pestlence, and famine.
Your career has been stirring one Might
L ask how you came to locate in these dull
Kansas woods, when you have been so accus-
toned to excitement during what | may term
such protracted period, not to put too fine
point upon 1t =
Listen Once was the honored servitor
of the noble and the illustrous" there he
heaved sigh and passed his hairy hand across
his eyes), 'sbut in these degenerate days [ am
become the slave of Quack doctors and news
papers. | am driven from pillar to post, and
hurried up and down, sometimes with stencil
plate and paste brush to defile the fences with
cabalstic legends and sometimes In grotesque
and egtravagant characters for the behest OF
some driving journal. | attended to that
Ocean Bank robbery some weeks ago, when |
was hardly rested from finishing up the pow
WOW about the completion Of the Pacific rail-
road; Immediately was spirited off to do an
atroclous murder for the New York papers;
next to attend the wedding of a patriarcha
millionaire; next to raise a huTrah about the
great boat race; and then, just when | had be-
gun to hope that my old bones we're to have a
rest, am bundled off to this bowling wilder
ness to strip, and jibber, and be ugly and hairy,
and pull down fences, and waylay sheep, and
scare women and children, and waltz around
with club and play Wild Man generally
and all to crafty the whim Of bedlam of era
zy newspaper scribbers? From one end OF
this continent to the other, [ am described as
gorilla, with sort OF human seeming about
me-and all to crafty this quill-driving scum
of the earth p
''Poor old carpet -bagger'
Il have been served UNANIMOUSLY often, In
modern and seml-inodern times. | have been
compelled by base men to create fraudulent
history and personate all sorts Of impossible
humbugs. wrote those crazy Junius Letters
| moped in French dungeon for fifteen years,
and wore ridiculous Iron Mask; poked
around your Northern forests, among your vag-
abond Indians, solemn French idiot, persona
ting the ghost of dead Dauphin, that the
gaping world might wonder if we had a Bour-
bon among US; :" l have played sea serpent of
Nahant, and Wooly- Horse and What-is-It fol
the museum; | have interviewed politician;
for the Sun, worked all manner of miracles fol
the Herald, ciphered up election returns fol
| the W0rtd and Numbered political economy
| through the Tribune [ have done all the ex
| travagant things that the widest invention
could contrive, and done them well, and this i
my reward playing Wild Man in Kansas with
out a shirt -
Mysterious being, light dawns vaguel.
upon met grows apaee-what-w is you
name!'
Sensation !"
| ''Hence horrible shane ~
It spoke again
"Oh, pitiless fate my destiny haunts M
once more [ am called. L go. Alas, is ther
no rest for me?"
In moment the Wild Mans features bega
to soften and refine, and his form to assume
more human grace and symmetry. His cu
changed to spade, and he shouldered it an
started away, signing profoundly and sheddin
tears.
Whittier, poor shade?'
''To dig up the Byron family?"
Such was the response that foated back upo
the wind as the sad spirit shook its ringlets t
the breeze, fourished its shovel aloft, and dis
| appeared beyond the brow Of the hill
! All Of which is In strict accordance with tn
facts ait
| L. s. I Attest. MARK TWAIN.
TO Consumptives.
q \