Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-06-11

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he Young ldUJ luttt Nc pb HI Wolc l. is
found it very useful.
Let it never be said that when man
jumps for joy. his delight knows no bounds
1t is useless to look for money in an
empty pocket, even with the best bank
note detector. -.
Jones thinks that instead of giving credit
to whom credit is due, the cash had better
be paid. There is as much truth in this as
wit
"Peter, are you into them sweet-meats
again ?"
mo, marin the sweetmeats are into
mel"
A stoker, in Dragging about his wife,
wound up with the declaration, ''why she'd
make regular high pressure steamer, she's
such talent for blowing up!''
Fame is like shaved pig with creased
tail; and it is only after it has slipled through
the hands of some thousands, that some fell
low, by good luck, holds on to it. 5a7
II always sing to please myself" said a
gentleman who was humming tune in COM
pany '.Then you are not at all difficult to
please" said lady who sat next to him.
At one of our common schools, the teach
er, in catechising his scholars, put the fol.
lowing question: "What was made to give
light to the worl ?" i''Matches !" cried one
of the youngsters. after short pause. '.5
An Iowa man telegraphed to a sheriff in
Illinois directing tbs arrest Of a man who
was clipping with his wife. He added He
owes me one hundred dollars. If he pays
let him co.
"How beautiful" said lady not remark
able for her cleanliness, t'the face Of nature
looks after showerp' Eyes, madam, and
so would yours after undergoing a similar
process" said satirical friend
A contemporary says that transcendent-
ism is the spiritual cognoscence Of psyeholo-
gical irrefragibility, connected with concui-
tant ademption of encolumnient spirituality
and etherialised contention Of subsultory
concretion.
The following amusing bull was lately per-
petrated at Bristol, England. A magistrate
asked a prisoner if he were married. mo"
replied the man Then" rejoined his
worship, amid peals of laughter sits good
for your wife" .5,5. FEgs,t
A cofin-maker was asked for whom he
was making coffin, AMI replied, Mr.. Swift.
"Why. man, replied the other she is not
dead yet" Don't you trouble yourself, ="
replied the sturdy mechanic. cdr. Coe told
me to make bis coffin, and guess he knows
what he gave him.
Sterne, who used his wife very i'll, was
talking to Garrick, in an exuberance Of SEN
timentalty, in praise of conjugal love and
fidelity. 1.-The husband" said he, 'swho
behaves unkindly to his wife, deserves to
have his house burned over his head" eff
YOU think So" said Garrick, II hope your
house is insured. 4. -
Fanny, don't you think that Mr.. Bold is
handsome man p "Oh, no can't endure
him. He is homely enough" "Well he's
fortunate at all events; for an old aunt has
lust died and left him $50, 000 Indeed !!
is it true Now come to recollect, there is
a certain noble air about him, and he has a
fine eye-that can't be denied"
Burton, While travelling on steamboat,
seated himself at a table and called for beat
steak. The waiter furnished him with a
small strip of that article Taking it upon
his fork. and turning it over, and examining
it with one Of his peculiar looks, he very
cooly remarkably es that is it bring me
some.
A six-year old boy wrote (by request) a
composition on the subject Of water. Here
is the production.
sWater is good to drink, to swim in, and
to skate on when frozen. When [ was a
little baby the nurse used to battle me every
morning in water. have been told that
the Iniuns don't wash themselves but once in
ten years; I wish l was an Ipjun."
"WHo STOLE THE TRAP THE following
unique notice was found posted on tree a
short distance up the Deep Greek road, Nor
folk county:
Motifs April 81 1860
the Was A Larg trap taken A Way from
Be Hind Mr. Driver field near the Wood
Ganeber She is A Very Larg trap With
A Waiebe paetchel on With the Chain Hitch
in one of the Spring. if any one can Hear
Whar She is Will satis6ede This steel
trap I Wooedeo Not tax A Larg some for
Har. JOSEPH HARRIET. i,..
P. S.-the man that got the trap is A
dam Rascal -s.
There was man who lived is Cass coun-
ty, Georgia, many years ago, who had once
been in the State Legislature, and never neg
lected an opportunity to emphasize the fact.
He was perfect infdel as to new discove ries
and the new sciences, being perfectly salts
fed that if the world should turn over, all
the water would spill out of his well and
only giving in to steam cars by slow degrees.
But all the walls of his contempt were poured
out upon the idea of a telegraph, and he was
wont to say that nobody need try to come
''the green" over him in that way, for he
had been in the Legislature Finally, the
state road was built and one day workmen
began to put up telegraph posts right in
front Of his house, and to stretch the wire.
His exultant neighbors thought they had
him on that occasion, and asked: ''Well,
old fellow, what do you think Of telegraphs
now?" He was concerned but died game.
Drawing himself up an inch taller, he said,
"Gentlemen, when was in the Legislature
I gave this subject my very attentive con-
sderation; and said then, as say now,
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