The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1869-07-28
Snecial to the South-W estern.

Highly important-Beauty and her Pnrps-Negotia-
ton with Nike Rooney--Chawles Sumner, his
taste--Egypt and Cincnnati-Brutality of smiths
"Do they miss me at home?"-History repeats itself
The Nom de Plume.
The following exciting telegram was secured by our
special reporter at Washington, after much effort and
expense and forwarded to the grape vine line
We hope our readers will appreciate efforts in their
behalf and that contemporaries will not be entirely
consumed by envy at superior enterprise This
dispatch was transmitted tothe Secretary of the nte
rior at the expense of the Government at precisely
O'Clock last night and that dignfed official was, with
blessings loud but deep upon his tongue forced to
issue out that unreasonable hour to attend to the i'm
portant and imperative directions
LENGTHY CREEK, July oath, , o'clock at night.
Secretary of the Interior: Having fallen to sleep
with my mind as usual running upon affairs of the
State-of my horses and dogs, had terrible dream
Methought the brndle purp g ven me by Sckies in
return for which, I gave him the Spanish mission IA
devish good trade I made, too) was suddenly taken
with violent pains in his stomach, andswas moaning
piteously Words could not describe my mental agony
The gods be praised for the relief afforded me by
awaking and finding the noise proceeded from NANCY
terrier picked up in my drive yesterday The poor
thing had been heartessly abandoned by its owner.
brought it home and tonight paeted it on my panta
looms under the bed. The noise that awoke me wai
that peculiar one made by NANCY dogs when rapidly
scratching themselves. And speaking of this animal
he has got blood in him, you beta man with half an
eve for dogs could tell that by the expression of bis
off hind leg. Being awake and finding after long et
fort that could sleep with certain weghty matters
on my mind, I have come to the telegraph office tc
give you directions to which wish your immediate
attention. | have come without my pantaloons, as
5on bod foil iDtaa SIMMER
hadn't the heart to disturb him. The operator grum
bles at having to leave the bedside of his dying wife
and very much fear he will take the most cruel re-
veupe on me by not transmitting my message exactly
as | write it.
In the first place 90 and take look in at the brn
die puff he is asleep don't, don't disturb him
Then step down to Pat McCans and how the bitch
Beauty, is getting on since her late confinement
Let me know if all her litter doing as we'll as could
be expected As telegraphed to you the other day,
Pat promised me the livercolored dog pup, and wish
you to notice him particularly. Examine the condition
of his eyes, and after consultation with Pat give me
your opinion Immediately by telegraph as TO Wnen
YOU think they will be open.
Then cross over to Mike Rooney's and see if you
can negotiate an arrangement to get cross from bis
dog Bully Boy, and my young slut, Olive Branch-her
name, you know is joke on my famous " Let us
have peace" as she is the most vicious little devil
ever see. If you should find Mike reluctant to en-
ter into this arrangement, just bring around the sub
iec of Fenanism and the Alabama claims, and casually
remark that Motley may shortly be recalled &C., &c.
You know how to do these things.
Mike by the way promised to crop the cur pup
Sumner gave me condition would endorse his war
polcy-strange what fancy that fellow has for ours
And he never will have breed that don't go round
with their tails tucked between their legs. And this
brings me to yery important point. Tell Mike not
to leave more than half inch of the tail at longest,
and to keep it in pulleys for eight or ten days That
am satisfied will take the tuck out if anything will
In my dispatch to you of date of 22d, was guilty
of very great piece of neglect and couldn't sleep
that night for thinking of it. forgot to tell you to
stand by and that the smith didn't speak harshly
to Egypt and Cincinnati when he was shoeing them.
When they reached here they did not it is true bear
any evidence of ill,usage, but my mind misg ives me
sorely These smiths brutal Why, sir, they
would have regard for the horses, if they had
command of army, than to drive squadron of cav
airy right into the jaws of death, if they knew
some of the poor beasts would get hurt
Look around generally among my horses and dogs,
and let me know if they miss me at home have
been studying up plans for their spiritual well
as temporal welfare. See Beecher and learn from him
if he would take the contract to preach to them say
every other Sabbath-the Haytien mission will proba
bly, be vacant at early day He might get the as
sistance of some Methodist To accomplish this, he
has my authority for intmatng that plans foot
the preachers and put out the eyes of all the aity r
respective of age or sex see it stated that some
man in Bourbon county, Kentucky, has taught his
horse to drink whisky. have long had in contempa-
ton plan to teach all my horses and dogs to smoke
Get the advice and consent of the Senate this sub
ject Find if it is practicable and if So how, and if
how, would it likely produce softenng of the brain.
We have enough Of that in the Administration already
There is something else my mind, but can't Just
now think of it-when do will dispatch you. To
guard much as possible against mistakes and give
the operator no excuse have carefully read this
to him. And, by the way, while reading, brilliant
parallel struck with the force of horse-kick. Ny
ustrous archetype the great Napoleon after reading
of his thrilling addresses to the army, exult
ingly exclaimed, "And yet, they say can't write
You make the application Adoo.
Your friend,
US HAVE FIELD PIECES.
PS After protracted and heated Cabinet meet
ing called for the purpose-a which, you remember,
you were not present, having kindly gone out at my
earnest solicitation to stop and rebuke some rude
boys on the street, who in the very act of teng
tin kettle to the tail of my favorite hound, "Bout
well ut was agreed upon that l should adopt the
above my nom de plume with my faniliars.
L. q. HEP.
THE RAILROAD MEETING AT TYLER.-On the 10th
inst, large and enthusiastic crowd of the citizens Of
Smith county, as we learn from the Index assembled
and organised meeting, to take into consideration
the best of rendering speedy and material aid
towards the extension of the railroad to that place
Communication was opened with the president and
directors of the road with the view of of
ton This is all eminently right and proper but where
all are so we'll satisfied with the immense advantages to
accrue from the extension Of the road instead OF wind
work, let the money be put up Our people pretty
good hands at the bellows, but blowing amounts
to Just nothing at alcars cannot possibly be Iun BY
wind. The Index concludes:
The spirit of railroad enterprise is aroused in oul
land Let it not sleep till by its aid and through it,
influence our great staple can be placed the sale
tables of our commission merchants (open for the
worlds market at one dollar per BALE and fertile
generous lands shall be considered cheap at from TWEEN
tyfve to fifty dollars per These results can be
attained Let US unite together, and look to it that
they
DANGER AHEAD TO OUR LAwYERs.-ltis said that
the Howard University, at Washington, will, during
the current year. turn out eighty negro lawyers in
tended for the Southern and Western markets. Think
of that and weep! This law school for the benefit of
cufee is the only one of the kind in the world, and
gotten up by Gen Howard reckless of expense, simply
as labor of love The institution is decidedly unique
Scholars are admitted pellmel-without regard age
sex color, qualifications previous condition.