Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-10-15
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Vain people-Mlners
Fee males Lawyers.
A work of art--A fashionable lady.
Young ladies who play croquet are known
as s.maidens all for lawn"
''Should old friends be forgot ?" Not if
they have money.
A young girls dearest occupation is to set
at her window and watch for the looming
man."
The Delaware Indian word for love is
Observation-Disclosures" tits a sweet
thing.
Motto for rejected suiter-He wooed
and she wouldn't. He cooed, but she
couldn't
Why are hot cakes like caterpilers ?"
because they are the grub that makes the
butter fly"
''Bob how is your sweetheart getting
along?" pretty well she says I needn't
call any MORE"
A young man named Turn married
cousin of the same name. on the plea that
'One good Turn deserved another
The song of the repentsnt husband, after
knocking his wife down i: "Come rest on this
bosom, my own stricken dear"
1t was laconic letter from a lady to her
husband-"I write to you because [ have
nothing to do; and [ conclude because l
have nothing to say"
A lady complaining that her husband was
dead to fashionable amusements he replied
''But then. my dear, you make me alive to
the expense"
A gentleman who had been struck by
lady's beauty has determined, to follow the
injunction, and kiss the rod that smote
him"
''Jano, give the baby some laudauum and
put it to sleep, and bring me my parasol.-
am going to meeting for the amelioration
of the human race"
A citizen of Indiana, who had the expert
ence of eight wives, says that divorces are
much cheaper than funerals as a way of
disposing Of an uncongenial partner.
A little boy down East, who was asked if
he knew where liars went, answered yes
they went to Chicago to write for the pa
pers.
Bridget, what has become of the tallow
creased my boots with this morning ?"
II fried the buckwhcats in it," ooh, [ was
afraid you had wasted it."
If there is any body under the canister
of heaven that have in utter cxs,recence,'
said Mrs. Darlington, it is the slanderer,
gs;rg about like boy constructor, circula-
ting his calomel upon honest folks
Slender party (who is not very comforta-
ble)-"These street cars ought to charge by
weight" Stout party (sharply)-"Ah! if
they did, they would never stop to pick you
up"
An ex-devil of country printing office
was questioned as to the duties of .sprin-
ter's devil He replied, :'to bring in clean
water, carry out dirty water, steal wood, lie
and numerous other things"
A man, whose wife hung herself in his
presence, on being asked why he did not
prevent the tragedy, replied, Il cut her
down three times last week, and can't be
always cutting her down."
John said pious uncle to his nephew
who was paying his first visit to the city,
John, we're in the habit of saying some
thing before we eat All right said John.
go ahead You can't turn my stomachr
Imaginashun, tew mulch INDUCED in
soon is tortured into reality this is one way
that good boss thieves are made; a man
leans over fence all day, and imagines the
boss belongs tew him, and sure enuff. tue
fust dark night the boss does.
''Mother, shouldn't be surprised if our
Susan gets choked some day" "Why, my
son." because John Wipsy twisted his
arms around her neck the other night, and
if she had not kissed him to let her 90, he
would have stranged her."
How TO GET HAT -''Say, Pomp, you
niger, where you get that new hat p
why, at de shop of course"
WHAT'S de price Of such an article as dat?'
~ don't know, nigger-I don't know, de
shopman wasn't dar"
An old wag who thought he was dying
was assured by his nurse that he would not
die so long as his feet kept warm. But I
have heard of man who died with yery
warm feet"
"Who was he?"
:'John Rogers" replied the incorrigible
wag.
"What traveller you have become |" ex
claimed an Englishman on meeting an ac-
quaintance at Constaptnople. TO tell YOU
the truth" was the frank reply, II am
bliiged to run about the world to keep ahead
Of my character that moment it overtakes
me I am ruined but don't care who knows
me as long as | travel iucognito"
The Bishop of Wurtzburg once asked
sprightly shepherd boy: ''What are you do
ing here. my lad?" Tending swine"
"How much do you get" lone form
week" Il am also shepherd" continued
the Bishop, "but have much better sal
ary." "That may be; but then suppose
you have more hogs under your care" limo
gently replied the boy.
WEDD1NGs-A crystal wedding-Marry-
ing "glass eye
A silver Notwithstanding an old maid
of sixty.
An iron wedding-Marrying black
smith.
A plain wedding Marrying carpenter.
A paper misunderstanding an editor.