The Shasta courier., 1869-09-25
SH ASIA COURIER.
HOW he WON HIS WIFE.

"Harry what will you take for the United
States !'
Don't want to SELL"
~ thought you did"
What's the matter with me, Conrad p
"Why, your face is yard long You
look as though The nation was on your
hands and you we're anxious to part with
it."
Now comprehend you. You refer to
Lizette."
al do, Conrad you are my bosom friend.
Toyou leone with all my clouds and sun
shine. To you l will declare that the sin
gular beauty is preparing me for the mad
house. / cannot sleep without powerful
soporifc. ! am abstracted in the most cul-
tivated society and as for eating, that is
among the nuisances. Our cook has tried
her skill, and says it is fruitless."
"Can't you find any one who knows herr"
"There's the trouble. When | have
felt Indifference for strange face, dozen
mutuals would appear. Now that | am
wild for an introduction not soul can find
who knows the attraction"
"Have you inquired Of"
lhave inquired of every person know;
have even gone to that wretched noodle,
Clarance Eton. His purse and family takes
him everywhere"
"What did dem foin fellah say"
" Said he never heard of any Lizette
living in that vicinity"
"How do you know that is her name ?"
"Because heard it applied by friend
who she met in the street"
"Well, Harry, what are you going to
do ? love on, and await an introduction"
"All very nice where mere friendships
concerned. Love, you must learn, is more
impetuous. While / am waiting, some fel-
low may win her and 1uin me-"
".What other course is left p
"The very course that entered my head
when you came in
"What was that p
"I'll tell you. 1t is something rare, and
racy, but / will implore your aid"
i" If the plan is feasible and honorable,
you may count me in"
Thank you from the centre of my soul"
"Now for snug little plot to win wife,
From the appearance of this girl, she is OF
the romantic school. 1t strikes me that a
plain, tame, ordinary way of courting would
not suit her. She is rarity that must be
wooed in some extraordinary manner She
is one of the class who would marry in
balloon, or under the Falls of Niagara
Then again, she could be moved by an act
Of magnanimity-for instance, battle in
her behalf, or reason"
Well, go on"
"Now / observe that almost every eve
she trips FIVE squares down the street, and
in like manner, returns at late hour
"How late"
have seen her trip home at II o'clock
Now, here's what want to do. Though
two squares below her, we are on the op-
posite side of the way. This gives US a fine
chance to observe her movements. This
eve we'll keep our eyes open, and on her
return home, you speak to her"
"What Insult herr"
HNot in gross language, but ask permis-
sion to see her safe home Be bold, and
insist upon it."
What then ?"
"Why 1 will emerge from corner or
trace-box, seize you by the throat. give you
a piece of my mind, administer mock
and escort her to the parent !
roof"
As far as you're concerned, that's very
nice; but suppose crowd assemblies, |
would ever be known as that fellow who
insulted the girl y
"Conrad, give me credit for brains
Don't you suppose would provide for all
such contingencies The matter is easily
fixed. I'll hire wig, give you mustache
and, being something of an artist, will paint
your nose deep rum color"
aHurrah for you, Harry. Now guarantee
no arrest, and III be your right bower"
Evening came. Conrad was to watch
from the window while Harry was to post
the police. By good luck he found the
two officers who met near the vicinity of
the coming event. Fortunately they were
together.
"Good evening Mr. Miles and Mr.. Bing-
ham,"
al How are you Harry" responded they,
"Tip-top. Gents word. Tonight,
near here, and about ten or eleven o'clock,
an elegant lady will be accosted by an en-
tire stranger, my own best friend, Conrad
Mortimer Said Mortimer will be made
up beyond recognition, and see that the
lady is protected to her residence"
"Quite performance" said Mr. Bing-
ham.
Every quite. Now, my business here
is to have you keep out of sight upon this
whistle" Here he gave loud and singu-
lar whistle-mixture of locomotive and
screech owl
"What is the meaning of this ruse ?"
inquired Mr.. Miles.
"Simply that take this plan to become
acquainted with gal who is tearing my
heart out"
"But-"