The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1869-01-21
NUMBER ii.
Miscellaneous Items.

How TO take the census Of the
chill rem of the neighborhood-Em.
ploy an organ. grinder for ave min
utes.
\ Philadelphian has invented
rat cxtcrminator, of which it the ver>
min suulT, they straightway snoezo
oil their heads.
"In England no one thinks of
blackiug his own boots said haugh.
ty Britou TO Mr.. Lincoln. whom he
found polishing his calf skin CATERS.
l"Whosc boots does he black y quiet.
ly responded Uuclc Abe.
An lrishmau in Albany is going
to have his life insured, so that when
he dies he can have something to
live on, aud not bo dependent on the
cold charities Of the world rs he once
was.
The Duke Of Wclliugton's saying,
connected with early rising was:-
Let the FIRST turn iu the morning be
turn out.
"l'm sitting on the'styic, Mary" as
an inobriated youth remarked when lac
sat down on his sisters rev hat aud
feather.
A footnan, proud Of his grammar,
ushored into the drawing room Mn
Footo and bis two daughters, with
the introduction "Mr. Foote aud
the two Misses Feet"
A boy who was told by his mother
that God would not forgive him if
he did certain act, replied "Yos
ho will; God likes to forgive little
boys-that is what Ito is for"
"Did you ever know such me,
chauical genius as my son2" said an
old lady, "lIo has made fiddle out
of his own head, and he has wood
enough for another
A butchers boy, according to a
lively reporter, is "juvoniIo vivisec.
ter" The same authority calls a
cock fight an "orinithological discus.
sion,' and a prize fight au "othuo
logical argument"
"Tell ne" says Que French child
to another (Which you had rather
lose, your father or your mother ?"
"I don't know" "I do. | would
rather lose mamma, because its
papa who makes all the money"
"Dad, have you been to the muse
um p mo, my SON" "Well 90.
aud mention my name to the door.
keeper, aud he'll take you round aud
show you everything
Sambo was hacking away at n
tough oak, when the lightning struck
u tree near him, aud shivered it,
Sambo exclaimed, "Bless dc Lord
jos like to see um try dis one;
reckon dey'd find dere match -
a spopdthrift was advised by .
friend to buy neglected farm
"Why, there's not a passablo road
through it, replied the former
"That is the very reason you should
get it," answered his friend; at will
take you longer to run through it,"
1t was Mr.. Justice Littloton, of
Massachusetts, who made the follow.
ing remark about the Salem Hotel,
after he had been there on circuit.
Scme one asked him how he found
the table. "How ?" growled the
judge. "Everythihg cold but the
water, and everything sour but the
pickles"
A certain political speaker closed
an address in behalf of his party with
the following Aorid peroration.-
"Build worm fence around vim
ter's supply of summer weather;
skim the clouds from tho sky with a
teaspoon; catch thuuderbot in a
bladder; break a hurricane to hsr-
ness; ground sluice an earthquake;
bake HI in an iSe~house; lasso an
avalanche; pin diaper on the crater
of an active volcano; hive all the
stars in a nail keg; hang the ocean
on grapevine to dry; put the sky
to soak in gourd; unbuckle the
belly-baud Of eternity; and paste TO
let on the sun and moon, but never,
sir--never for moment, sir, d5luds
yourself with the idea that any tick
ct or party can beat our candidates,