The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1869-10-01

Mark Twain's Experience IN Journalism.
Iwas told by physician that South
ern climate would improve my health, and
10 Ewent down to Tennessee and got a
berth on the Morning Glory and johnson
County War Whoop, as associate editor.
When went on duty l found the chief
editor sitting tilted back in three-legged
chair with his feet on pine table. There
was another pine table In the room, aud
another afflicted chair, and both were half
buried under newspapers and scraps and
sheets of manuscript There was a
wooden box of sand, sprinkled with cigar
stubs and "old soldiers" and stove with
a door hanging by its upper hinge. The
chief editor had long tailed black cloth
frock coat on, and white linen pants. His
boots were small and neatly BACKED. He
wore rufled shirt, and large seal ring,
standing collar of obsolete pattern and a
checkered neckerchief with the ends hang
ing down. Date of costume, about 1S4S.
He was smoking a cigar and trying to
think OF word, and in paving his hair
for 1t, he had rumpled his locks good deal.
he was scowling fearfully, and l judged
that he was connecting a particularly
knotty editorial He told me to take the
exchanges and skim through them and
write up the "Spirit of the Tennessee
Press, 'condensing into the article all of
their contents that seemed of interest
Il wrote as follows:
ras" SPIRIT OF THE TENNESSEE PRESS.
p" The editors of the Semi Weekly Enth-
quake evidently labor under misappre-
hersion with regard to the Ballyhack rail-
road 1t is not the object of the company
to leave Buzzardyille off to one side. On
the contrary they consider it one of the
most important points along the line, and
consequently can have no desire to slight
it The gentlemen of the Earthquake win,
of course, take pleasure in making the cor
rection. ,s 49,. !. 80
"John W. Blossom, ESQ.,, the able editor
of the Higginsville 7hunderbolt and Battle
Cry Of Freedom arrived in the city yester-
day. He is stopping at the Van Buren,
House. - tii
ave observe that our contemporary of
the Mud Springs Morning Ho,ol has fallen
into the error of supposing that the cleo
tion of Van Werter is not an established
fact, but he will have discovered his mis-.
take before this reminder reaches him, no
doubt. He was doubtless nisled by in
complete election returns.
:" It is pleasant TO note that the city OF
Blathersville is endeayoring to contract
with some New York gentlemen TO pave
itsweil nigh Simpass.ible streets with the
Nicolson pavement. But it is difficult to
accomplish desire like this since Memphis
got some New Workers to do like service
for her and then declined to pay for it.
However, the Daily Hurrdh still urges the
measure with ability, and seems confident
of ultimate success.
"We are panied to learn that Col Bas-
com, chief editor of the Dying Shrek for
Liberty, fell in the street few evenings
since and broke his leg. He has lately
been suffering with debility, caused by
over-wsrk and anxiety on account of sick
ness in his family, and it is supposed that
he tainted from the exertion of walking too
much in the sum-"
passed my manuscript over to the chief
editor for acceptance, alteration or destruc-
ton He glanced at itand his face clouded
He ran his eye down the pages, and his
countenance grew portentous. 1t was
easy 10 see that something was wrong.
Presently he sprang up and said:
"Thunder and lightningl Do You sup
pose am going to speak of those cattle
that way? Do you suppose my subscribers
are going to stand sach: cruel as, that ?
Give me the peni" .-...
never saw a pen scrape and scratch its
way, so viciously, or pillow through an
other mans verbs and adjectives so relent-
lessly. While he was in the midst of his
work somebody shot at him through the
open window and married the symmetry OF
his car fla
.t1 "Ah," said he, "that is that scoundre]
Smith, of the Moral Vacdno-he was due
yesterday" And he snatched navy re
volyer from his belt and fired Smith
dropped, shot in the thigh. The shot
spoiled Smiths aim, who was Just taking
second chance, and he crippled stranger.
1t was me Merely finger shot off.
Then the chief editor went on with his
ensures and intcrlineations Just as he
finished them a hand grenade came down
the stoye-pipe, and the explosion shivered
the stove into thousand fragments. How
ever, il did no further damage, except that
a vagrant piece knocked couple of my
teeth out.
"That stove is utterly ruined" said the
chief editor.
said 1 believed it was.
well, no matter-don't want it this
kind of weather. Now here is the way
this stuff ought to be written"
with era ures and interlineations till it:
mother wouldn't have known it, if it had
one 1t now read as follows;
"sPI 1T OF TIE TENNESSEE PRESS"
"Tns Inveterate liars of the Semi Week
" ESrtl2uake are evidently .endeavorinl
to'palui off upon noble and chivalrou
people another of their vile and bruta
falsehoods with regard to that most glori
Gus conception of the nineteenth century
the Ballyhack railroad. The idea that Buz
zardville was to be left off at one sid,
originated in their own fulsome brains
or rather in the settings which they re
gard as brains. They had better swallow
this lie, and not stop to chew it, either,
they want to save their abandoned, reptil,
carcasses the cowhiding they 50 richly de
serve.
"That ass, Blossom, of the Higginsvill
7hunder6oh and Battle Cry Of Freedom, i
down here again, cumming his board a
the Van Buren,.
ave observe that the besotted black
guard of the Mud Springs Morning How
is giving out, with his usual propensit,
for lying, that Van Werter is not elected
The heaven-born mission of journalism
to disseminate truth to eradicate error
TO educate, refine and elevate the tone O
DQDlAC nfoidfo anu nldluIIS, dllu uidhC Ill
men more gentle, more virtuous, NOR
charitable, and in all ways better ant
holicr and happier--and yet this black
hearted villain, this hell-spawned miscre
ant, prostitutes his great Office persistent,
to the dissemination of falsehood, cal
, tumny, vitupeation and degrading vul
garity. His paper is VIGOROUSLY unfit +
take into the peoples homes, and ought +
he banished to the gambling hells an,
brothels, where the mass of reeking pol
luton which does duty as its editor live
and moves, and has his being.
a q. Blathersville wants a Nicolson pave
d 7. ment--it wants a Jail and poor house more
The idea of a pavement in a one-hors
town with two gin-mills and blacksmith
b shop in it, and that mustsrd-plaster of
newspaper, the Daily Hurah! Bette
60 borrow of Memphis, where the article
cheap. The crawling insect, Buckner
n who edits the H,srrah, is braying abou
this pavement business with his customar,
loud-mouth imbecility, and imagining
that he Is talking sense Such foul
mephitic scum as this venomous Buckne
are disgrace TO journalism.
a That degraded ruffian Bascom, of tn
Dying Shrek for Liberty, fell down ant
broke his leg yesterday-pity it wasn't hi
neck. He says it was debility caused by
.over-work and anxiety!' 1t was debility
caused by trying to lug six gallons of forty
l.. :.