The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-04-09

aItif ans Duutar,
Sweetening ones coffee is gem
orally the first stirring event OF the
day.
- Why are hoops like church tow
ers +? They surround the bells (belles.)
- In what sense is a ncwly-born
baby like a snow-drop9 In no sense
Gnnocence.)
- The most impuGent of all things
is mirror, for it is continually casting
reflections.
- Topers who travel about with
red noses should be indicted for circu-
latlng incendiary articles.
- Why is an invalid cured by sea-
bathing like confined criminal? Be-
cause he is sea-cured (secured.)
- Why is blade of grass like a
note of hand? Because it is mat.lred
by falling dew.
- The man who made an impress
sion on the heart of a coquette, has ia
ken out patent for stone-cutting.
."You may depend upon me wife,
l give you my word" ~ had rather
you would sometimes keep it, sir.
- lady lately cleared her house
of flies by putting honey on her hus-
bands whiskers when he was asleep
The flies stuck fast and when he went
out of the house the flies went off with
him.
"My opponent Mr.. Speaker, per-
sists in saying that he is entitled to the
floor. Whether this is so or not, shall
not inquire. All have got to say is,
that he will get. floored if he interrupts
ME again."
- One shockingly cold day poor
woman begged of Charles Lamb, end
ing her appeal with. "Belieye me sir,
I've seen better days" $50 have l :"
said Lamb, handing the poor creature
a shilling, sits miserable day Good
bye" i'
- Mrs. Chib5les has great ideas
about her husbands military powers
s.For two years. says she, she was lieu
tenant in the horse marines, after which
he was promoted to the captaihcy of
regular squad of sapheads and mi
norS.
---- A celebrated physician said to
lord Eid0n's brother, Lord Lowell
rather more fipantly than became his
profession. "You know after forty, a
fool or n physician. His Lordship
archly replied, III an ihsiHuating voice,
perhaps he may be both, doctor"
- The son o. Rev. Mr.. Montague.
OF Whitewater, Wis, was delivering a
college valedictory, when in pulling out
his handkerchief, he pulled out pack
of cards. "Hulloa ~ he exclaimed, |
have got on my fathers coat" Prom
ising young man.
A Georgia paper knows a man
who went all the way from Cassville to
Atlanta. On his return he looked SOL
emr with the weight of garnersed wis
dom, and said ''If the world was as
big 'tother way as it was that, il was
whopper -
- gentleman having read the
following paragraph in newspaper
"No fewer than three of her maiesty's
maids of honor, it is said, are about to
enter the holy state of ma:rimony"-a
lady instantly replied, .Oh, yes to the
grooms in waiting, [ suppose"
A man in Northampton is said
to have made so many pair OF shoes in
one day that it took two days to count
tICn IlC Was cllldII OllC, DuJ HOb
quite equal to the one who built so ma
ny miles of wall in one day that it took
him all night and the next day to get
home again.
They tell me am handsome yet,
And all the ladies say
do look at him the dear old man
Grows younger every day."
And when each fri end asks. "At your age.
How came you free from ills.
i always answer In my youth
i paid my printers bills
- A school boy gong into the viii
lage without leave, his master called
after him, "Where are you going sir p
81 am going to buy ha 'porth worth of
nails. +"
"What do you want ha'porth of
nails for ?"
"For half-penny," replied the ur-
chin.
- A little six year old boy was ask
ed by his teacher to write composition
on the subject of water and the follow
ing is the production "Water is good
to drink, to swim in, and to skate en-,
when frozen. Whe n l was little boy
the nurse used to battle me every morn
ing in water. l have been told that
the Injuns don't wash themselves but
once in ten years? 1 wish | was an In
jun"
A little boy on cold wintry dav
crossing field. axe in hand, was crying
at the top of his voice, when man was
passing alOngthe road on horseback in
terrogated him ''Sonny what's the
matter ?" The boy blubbered out as
best he could "Matter enough, dads
drunk, Mans ditto, SAILS reading
a novel, the baby's near froze, the wood
is mile off, and would like to know
who IN the thunder wouldn't cry.''
A good story is told of a captain
wefe ant into grocery where there
erOd him Ggloungers, and no one "a
about the groee1 knowing everything
powder, threw itapon tie fire. eXcIaff55a,
ing "GentlemNn its my opinion we
have lived long enough. ;, The vay
they ran out of the store.was a caution
20. ground and lofty tumbling. of
course The keg was empty.
= i-'Je' E. LESLIE SPENCE.