Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-04-16
Hulnor.

An agreeable neck-tie-A pretty girls
arms.
How to get at the real complexion of some
ladies-take little soap and water.
Wine and women are the curse OF man.
Men and wine are the curse OF woman. We
are a cursed set all round.
Prentice says he tries to be impartial, but
for all that he is unable to look at the ne
groes except on the dark side.
shoemaker mas one great advantage
over most kinds of Mechanics--his goods,
whenever finished, are always SOLD.
At printers festival, recently, tbs fol-
lowing toast was offered woman, second
only to the press in the dissemination OF
news"
A young lady studying French, and find
mo tbat Dbelle'' meant s'fne," told some
body in letter that we had great deal OF
belle-weather lately.
Why are ladies like watches because
they have beautiful faces, delicate hands,
are more admired when full jeweled, and
need regulating very often.
The state of intoxcation is aptly described
bva st. Paul, Minnesota paper, IN the case
Of a man found on the street with limbs OF
ungovernable aexibility.''
A little girl attending party was asked
by her mother how she enjoyed herself
"Oh," said she, II am full OF happiness i
couldn't be no happier unless could grow. ]"
When a man and woman are made one by
a clergyman, the question is. which is the
one Sometimes there is a long struggle
between them before this matter Is finally
settled.
Some one said Of very handsome woman
whose feet we're immense, She's very pref
". but she upsets completely the ordinary
system of measurement, by proving that
two feet make yard"
A negro was driving mule in jamaica
when the animal suddenly stopped and re-
fused to bulge. sWon't you go, eh r said
the bow. ''Fcel grand, do you? l s'pose
YOU forget your ladder was jackass I
An exchange commenting on the fact that
a number Of Cincinnati young ladies have
lately been married away to other places,
saws no city has better claim to supply
spare ribs for the universe.
Nor So BAp.-.A recent earicature repre-
sents a we'll satisfied man sitting in his study,
with stranger named Common Sense
knocking at the door, to whom he shouts
without changing his position, "Go away,
sir. 90 away, Tn Philanthropist J"
..A1s'r Gw1NE TO Cir MARRIED. "A gen
t,eman asked one Of his former slaves II he
was married yet. "No Sir" replied the boy,
81 a;n't gwine to git married till has a
good master agin to take care Of my wife and
children"
Henry Ward Beecher asked Park Benjss=
min. the poet and humorist, why be never
came over to Brooklyn to hear him preach.
"Why, Beecher," replied Benjamin, ''the
fact is. I have conscientious scruples against
going to places of amusement on Sunday
nWhat is this here Ten Year Of Office
bill 9" we heard one old lady say to another,
in the cars, Yesterday. 'Law! don't you
know It's a law that everybody shall stay
in Office ten years" ssGracious sakes! you
don't say so! That'u just suit my Billy
he's in the custom house"
A gentleman, after having paid his ad-
dresses to a young lady for some time,
s.popped the question" The lady, in
frightened manner, said, ''You scare me,
sir!" The gentleman did not wish to fright
en- the lady, and consequently remained quiet
for some time. when she exclaimed, "Scare
nae again"
II am glad" said the Rev. Dr.. y
to the Chief Of the Little Ottawas, sstbat
YOU do not drink whisky, but it grieyes me
to find that your people use it." ''Ah, yes !"
replied the Chief, and he fixed an expressive
eve upon the Doctor, which communicated the
reproof before he uttered it, 1--WE Indians use
good deal Of whiskey, but do not make
it.
Pat, arriving at an inn in the interior Of
Michigan after night, went to bed, and was
called up in two or three hours to renew his
journey West by next coach. "What will
YOU CHARGE" said he, ''for the bit of lodg-
ing?" "a dollar" was the reply. ''Sure,"
he rejoined IAN it was lucky had to rise
so airly for if I'd slept till morning I'd not
have had the money to pay the BILL"
LOVE AND Lana young lawyer who
had long paid his court to young lady
without advancing his suit, accused her one
day Of 'being insensible to the power of
love- ut does not follow" she archly re-
piled, "that I am SO because am not to be
won by the power of attorney" s'Forgive
me-" replied the suitor, ''but you should re-
member, that all the votaries Of Cupid are
solicitors"
An experienced Judge being applied to by
an old farmer for his advice in a law suit,
he heard his case with great patience, and
then asked him whether he had ever bought
lottery ticket. s'No, sir" said the farmer,
81 hope I have too much prudence to run
any such risks" Then take nv advice,
my good friend, and suffer any inconveni-
ence rather than 90 to law, as the chances
are more against you there than in any lot
terry"
A Love LETTER From TAILOR TO HIS
SwEEr-HEART, A MANTUA- MAKER-Rem-
nant Of my hopes May I be ripped from
the border of your esteem, and never be but
toned to the loop of your kindness. but am
strongly scanned to them by your beauty
MAY never lose thimbleful Of your favor
but you have entangled the thread of my
understanding. Odds bodkin am surely
yours every inch of me and my needle fol-
lows YOU. Therefore blunt not the point of
nv endeavors, but let me basic myself to
your kindness that may set the tighter to
.xo,,. .Aaok:ona. I love unu heuond rneaauro