The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1869-04-03
VARIOUS ITEMS.

A merchants advice in selecting
wife, is: ''Get hold of a piece Of calico
that will wash"
Good shorthand reporters readily com
mand from 81 1000 to s6, 900 year in
the law courts of New York. The sup
ply is scarce.
IF you would enjoy your meals, be
good natured. An angry man cannot
tell whether he is eating boiled cabbage
or stewed umbrellas.
The experiment Of tanning hides with
the bark of dogs proves proftless. The
theory sounds well, but practically is r
failure. -
ssTwo coconuts for ten cents" exult-
ingly exclaimed youngster to his friend,
ssthat will make me sick to- morrow, and
I shan't have to go to school, -
A stranger in Boston, desiring to be
shown the way to South Boston, accosted.
an Irishman, who at once replied: ."Take
Harrison avenue along wild yer, mind
that turn South Boston bridge over
do ye mind that ye're Just there, 'soso ~
An Indiana paper says: ''There is
man now living in Dubois county who is
living with his eighth wife, Death re-
lieved him of three, divorce befriended
him on four occasions. He hasn't decid-
ed which to try next. A funeral costs
more than bill of divorce, but it raises
no question of alimony-" a4. 5
Somebody proposes the following REM
edy for sleeping in church: ''Take .
riece of horse -radish root of good size,
and of a fingers length, to the sanctuary,
and the moment the sermon begins, put
piece in your mouth about the size Of
common corn, bite and moisten it faith
fully with the saliva, and the eyes will
not only be easily kept open, but tear
full attention may also be promoted to tho
exclusion of drowsiness, till the sermon
ends"
Gustayus Adolphus knew how to put
down duelling. Two officers asked leave
to fight duel. Leave was given, and
he became a spectator. With him came
the Provost Marshal. 2
"Now, gentlemen" said Gustavus to
the combatants, eight till one of you are
killed; the Provost Marshal will hang
the survivor"
The officers shook hands.
We clip the following resolutions from
the proceedings of the Board of Council
men in Canton, Mississippi:
I. Resolved by this Council that we
build new Jail.
2. Resolved that the new Jail be built
out of the materials of the old Jail.
3. Resolved that the old Jail be used
until the new one is finished.
Upon the person of a New York, burg
lar, recently arrested, was found photo
graph of himself, on the back Of which
was written in bold business hand, TIE
following bit of philosophy: "'When
a man begins to slide down hill, it seems
as if all nature was creased for the occa-
sion.' Josh Billings I find this to be
true. T. J. So e
Josh Billings says: It is gettin so now
a-daze if man kant cheat in some wav he
amt happy. Success in lifo il very apt
to make us forget the time when we
wasn't much. It is just SO with the frog
on the jump: he kant remember when
he was a tadpole, but other folks kan.
An individual to be fine gentleman has
either got to be born SO or brought up SO
from infancy he kant learn it sudden
eny more than he kan learn Injun correct
ly by practicing on the tommy hawk.
Aquafortis and the air we breathe are
made of the same materials. Linen, and
sugar, and spirits of wine, are so much
alike in their chemical composition that
an old shirt can be converted into its own
weight in sugar, and the sugar into
spirits of wine. Wine is made of two
substances, one of which is the cause of
almost all combustion, and the other will
burn with more rapidity than anything
else in nature. The famous Peruvian
bark, SO much used to strengthen weak
stomachs, and the poisonous principle of
opium are found to be composed of the
same materials.
At station on the overland route the
keeper got rather short of provisions-in
fact, had nothing left but bottle Of
mustard and some bacon. As the stage
stopped there one day to change horses
the passengers seated themselves at the
table and the host said: ~
"Shall help you to piece of bacon 7"
"No, thank you; never eat bacon
said one traveller. -
"Well, then," said the station-keeper,
"help yourself to the mustard y sl-
An OK weighed recently in Petaluma
exhibits a specific gravity Of $500
pounds.
A fighting dog that was poisoned in
Truckee, California, was bnried in an
American flag.
The Montana Post says that eggs are
selling for ST rs per dozen and 81 81
per pound in Boise City, Idaho Territory.
Eggs by the pound is novel.
A new Custom-house and Post Once
will be constructed at Astoria CIV. ID
next Spring. .s-
| Large quantities Of lumber are being
shipped from Truckce for the Western
Pacific Railroad. &iis 4sa1nc
aMourning' eyes and "battered' noses
| -. c.llo,, Se,,ox, 1avo nm fho railrna6