Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-03-12
Poetry,
EisaslOr.

Elumor.
The first rose of Sumncr-Negroes.
Foud of misfortuGe-the lovers of Burns.
A wooden wedding marrying a block
head.
Bacheloric exclamatiod- hssn Maid
enly exclamation-'sa menp'
The fellow whose generosity kept him
poor, is now afflicted with the rum-atism.
A man in Cincinnati advertises for a stu
alton: "Work not SO much an object as
good wages"
If YOU want to get more than one hundred
cents for dollar invest in a bottle of per-
fumery.
There is a man who has tried all manner
Of things, and never found anything to an
swer but echo:
Jane" said wag, sits all over town. y
s'What's all over town?' "Mud." James
eyes dropped.
A lady advertises for sale, in Southern
paper, one baboon, three tabby cats and a
parrot. She states that. being married, she
has no further use for them.
The "oldest inhabtant'' admits that it is
sweet to have friends you can trust, but
more convenient to have friends who "trust"
you.
A young woman wrote an article for a
temperance paper, and quoted, ''Give me a
cot in the valley l love-" which appeared,
"Giye ME sot in the fellow [ love-"
A traveller inquired of guide the reason
why 'secho'' was always spoken of as "she"
and was informed that it was because if al
ways has the last word,
One of Josh Billings's maxims: Rise
early; work hard an late; live on what you
kant cell; give nothing away and if you
don't die rich and 60 TO the devil, you may
sue me for damages"
A revivalist encountered large sized At
rican and asked him, "My good man have
you found the Lord ?" To which Sambo re-
piled in surprised manner: "Golly, massa,
am de Lord lost p
''Sambo, where's your master"
"Gon' out"
HAS he left off drinking yet p
"Oh, yes, he leave off two, three times
dis inornin.
During trial in which the Court had re-
peatedly ruled against the late James 7.
Brady, he blandly said, "May it please your
honor, who's engaged on the other side Of
the case, besides the Judge ?"
The friends of wit expressed some sur
prise that, with his age and his fondness for
the bottle, he should have thought it worth
while to marry. "a wife was necessary"
he said; ''they began to say that [ drank
too much for single man."
With reference to the child with no back
bone, who is reported to have recently died
in Ohio, the Boston Post says that by his
death ''the State lost admirable material for
a member of Congress"
Matrimony is hot buckwheat cakes, warm
beds, comfortable slippers, smoking coffee,
round arms, red lips, kind words, shirts ex-
ulting in buttons, redeemed stockings, boot
jacks, happiness, etc. Hurrah
A terrible warning to bachelors in the ex-
Ierience of Henry Kincaid of Stafford, N.
e., who, having lived single until his fifty
seventh year, married girl of seventeen
last Fall, and last week was consigned to
the insane asylum.
A wise old gentleman, who knew all
about it. on retiring from business gave the
following sage advice to his son and success
sor: Common sense, my son, is valuable
in all kinds of business-except loye-ma-
king"
A choierie old gentleman, becoming en-
ragged at the stupidity of an aged and faith
full servant. exclaimed, 'Zoupds ! you dolt.
I shall 20 out of my wits at your dullness p
well, there is one comfort, master-you
'front.' haze togo jar!"
A house-maid who was sent to call gen.
tleman to dinner, found him engaged in using
a tooth brush.
"Well, is he eoming?" said the lady of
the house, as the servant returned.
Eyes, ma'am, directly" was the reply
she's just sharpening his teeth y
when Bea's Master died, they told him he
had gone to heaven. Ben shook his head, II
'fraid massa no gone there" But why,
Ben? ''Cos when massa 60 North, Or 60 a
journey to The springs, he talk about it
dong time, and get ready. never hear him
talk about going to heaven never see him
get ready to 60 there"
j Smith fell in love with maid,
Each night meath the window he stood,
And there with his soft serenade,
He awakened the whole neighborhood.
But vainly he tried to arouse
Her sleep: with his strains so bewitching,
While he played in front Of the house,
She slept in the little back kitchen.
Some wag tells story of an old gentle
man whose eli ht OF ten clerks bored him con-
stantly with con@ndrams, Going home one
evening, he was stopped ia font Of a closed
store by a countryman.
''Can you tell me, my friend, why this
store is closed 2"
EGO to blazes with your conundrums,"
cried he, 81 We been bored to death with 'em
these three weeks "
A Clergyman and one of the elderly par
ishioners were walking home from meeting
one frosty day. when the old gentleman
slipped and fell upon his back. The minis
ser, On being assured that be was not hurt,
said to him: "My friend, sinners stand on
slippery places The old gentleman Looked