davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
oNANh CoOR HOUSE. VA FRIDAY MORNING
in love; The case only grows hopeless

in love. The case only grows hopeless
when the girl dies.
Never talk to her of love in cottage
by the sea. Four story brown stone
houses, with gas, water, with all the
| modern convenienees and back stail
case, is what she wants,
LII when you ask her to have YOU she
says, s'Not much WON'T" doa't de-
spair, may be she will a little. But
don't consider yourself accepted be-
cause she rejects YOU twice. Two neg
atives make an affirmative in grammar,
but not in court ship.
If she has any little brother and sis
ters, let them maui you. and fool around
you, and put their greasy fingers on
your clothes, and make themselves GEN
orally disagreeable. Ii-
Never write proposals to a girl. A
friend of mine did this once, and made
m istake, and directed it to the sister
of the one he wanted, and the older Sis
ter, you observe, accepted him bv re-
turn mail, and then because he wouldn't
marry her her father came down and
fio2ged him and she sued him for breach
of promise, laying the claim at 500 900.
and she got it, ...... ..''..F
Lacerated affection is expensive, my
boy. ........
When you are engaged don't go down
and sport around after house the very
next day, nor begin to buy furniture,
cradles, and one ching another. Wo-1
man S minds are like ten dollar bills,
liable to change, and she may think bet
ter of her bargain, and take another
man. Then you have got to get up an
auction of the most ridiculous charac-
ter.
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
HOW TO F0RETELL THE WEATHER.

A correspondent of the Augusta
Chronicle makes the following assertions
relative to the weather: .t.8
A red sky (mind You. now, sky.) in
the morning signifieth rain. Lightning
in the north sigr ilieth rain.
Snails cravings to and up trees sig
nifieth ram; the higher up the tree they
crawl, the heavier will be the fall OF
rain. .... .... ....E
A red sky (nlind you, now, sky, not
clouds,) at sunset signifieth fair wealth
er. .5=zz.. ...H..l OIL. I..IIs
A new moon, with its horns turned
down, indiclteth rainy moon.
A new moon, with its horns turned
up, indicateth clear moon. Il5s4
Ants working at early dawn indicat-
eth clear day. . rH9
Evening red and morning grey, will
light the traveller on his way; but even
lug grey and morning red, will pour
down rain on travellers head.
In winter, red sunset jndicateth
wind and severe cold. r-t
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
JOHNNY sHRIMPs COMPOSITION,

| Ma Is mother. am her son. Mas
name is Mrs. Shrimp; she is the wife oil
Mr.. Shrimp, and Mr.Shrimp is her hus.
band. Pa is my father. Ny name is
John George Washington Shrimp
Therefore pas name is Shrimp too; and
| SO is mas. saf
My ma has a ma. She is my grand
ma. She is mother-n-law to pa. NV
pa says that mothers-in- law ought to be
vetoed. like my grandma better than
pa does. She brings me ten-cent stamps
and bolivars. She don't bring any to
pa. Maybe that's why he don't ike
her.
Aunt Jerusha is my aunt. When pa
was little boy she was his little sister.
l. like little sisters. Dicky Mopps has
little sister. Her name is Rose. take
her out riding on my sled. Aunt Sc
rusha don't like her. She calls her
"that Mopps girl" think Aunt Jc-
rusha ought to be ashamed of herself.
Aunt Jerusha is avery pious woman.
She never wants us to talk aloud on
Sunday, and says we ought to have cold
dinners. She hears ME saw the cate
chisnl, and knows it all without the
book. She says Susan Jane is spelling
that boy. Susan Jane is ma, and that
boy is me. She says that the baby will
early show change of heart. If
change of heart would make baby
stop crying, wish so too.
Aunt Jerusha lives with ms. Some
times [ think ma would have her live
with somebody else. asked Aunt Je-
rusha once why she didn't marry some-
body and set up for herself. She said
that many and many man had wanted
to marry her, but while her poor Susan
Jane was in such state of health, she
couldn't think of leaving. Besides, she
said, what would become of your poor
pa? q - =
Aunt Jerusha sometimes has a state
of health, too. On washing-days she
has the headache, and does Eer head up
with brown paper and vinegar, and l
have to make toast Tor her at the kit CHI
en- fire. make some for myself, too.
Aunt Jerusha says nobody knows
what she has done tor that boy. That
boy is me again. | told pa what she
said. He said it was just so. Nobody
did Know. Ma says that Aunt Jerusha
means well, and that she IS pas dear sis
ter. don see why that's any reason
she should always scold me when eat
cabbage with knife, rt.. -N.
.. ..a JOHN q. WAsHINGToN SHRIMP.
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
THE LAST DANCE.

During the occupancy of the city o.
Moscow by the French army, a party
OF officers and soldiers determined tC
have a military levee, and for this pur.
pose chose the deserted palace of no.
| bleman. That night the city was set
on re. As the sun went down they be-
| gan to assemble. The women who fol-
| lowed the fortunes of the French arm Y
were decorated for the occasion. Yhe
gayest and the noblest of the French
army were there, and merriment reign
ed over the crowd. .f
During the dance the fire rapidly ap-
preached them they saw it coming but
felt no fear. At length tn. buifding
next the one they occupied was on fire.
Coming to the windows they gazed
upon the billows of fire which swept the
city and then returned to theii amuse :
ments. Again, and again they left
their pleasures to watch the progress OF
the flames. At length the dance ceased
and the necessity OF leaving the scene
became apparent to all. They were en-
yeloped in Il flood of fire. and gazed OH
with deep and solemn solemnity.
- At last the fire communicating to
their own building. caused them to pre-
pare for flight, when a brave young of
ficer named Carnott waved his jewelled
hand above his head and exclaimed !;
"One dance more and defiance to the
ilames." Ii caught the enthusiasm of
the moment, and zone dance more and
defiance to the flames burst from the
lips of all. The dance commenced; and
louder and louder grew the music, and
faster and faster fell the pattering foot
step OF dancing men and women, when
suddenly they heard a cry, the fire has
reached the magazine Fly-fy for
your life T! One moment thry were
transtiXed with terror; they did not
know the magazine was there. and ere
they recovered from their stupor the |
shattered to pieces, and the dancers |
were hurried into fearful eternity,
Thus will it be in the final day. Man |
will be as careless as these ill-fated rev.
there are thousands and tens |
Of thousands as careless now. We sell |
them of death, the grave, judgement.
md eternity. They pause moment
Ia their search for pleasure, but soon
lash into the world and forgetfulness as
before. Gods hand is laid on them i'm
sickness, but no sooner are they restor-
I'd than they forget it all, and hurry on.
Death enters their doors, and the cry is
heard, "Prepare to meet thy God !'buU
oon,'like Carnot they say, sOne dance
more, and defiance to the flames,' and
hurry on. The spirit of the living God
peaks powerfully home to their hearts
md they shake, tremble and are amaz-
ID; but earth casts it's spell around
hem, and sings to them Its songs. and
he cry 'time enough by and by, they L
peed on. stilling the voice; iii Often,
re days or months have passed, the
'olt has sped, the sword has descended,
he Judge has come, and the soul is lost
+! LOST |! L0ST!!! |,
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
FANNY FERN ON MASCULINE BEAUTY
wHAr CONSTITUTES A HANDSOME MAN.

Well in the first place, there must he
enough OF him; or, falling in that, but
come to think of it, he mustn't fail in
that because there can't be no beauty
without health or at least to nv way of
thinking. In the second place, he must
have a beard | insist upon, else one
might as we'll look at girl. Let his
voice have the dash of the Niagra, with
she music of Il saby's laugh In it. Let
his smiles be like the breaking forth of
sunshine on spring morning, AS to
his figure, it should be strong enough to
contend with man, slight enough to
tremble in the presence of the woman
he loves. Ofcourse, ifhe isa we'll made
man, 1t follows that he must be- grace
ful, on the principle that the perfect
machinery moves hafmoniously, there
fore, you and himself and the milk pitch
er are safe neighbors at the table. This
style of handsome men would no more
think of carrying cane than he would
use parasol to keep the sun out of his
eyes. He can wear gloves or warm his
hands i'm his breast pockets, as he pleas
es. He can even commit the suicidal
beauty act of turning his outside coat
collar up over his eyes a stormy day,
with perfect Impunity; the tailor didn't
make him, and as to his halter, if he de-
pends on this htndsome mans patron
age OF the "latest spring style," | fear
he would die of hope deferred; and vet
by Apollo what bow he makes and
what an expressive adieu he can wave
with his hand ! For all this he is not
conceited for he hath brains? NaTiN
But your conventional "handsome
man" of the barber's window, wax tie-
ure-head pattern; with pet lock in the
middle of his forehead, an apple-sized
head, and q rasbcrry moustacle, with
six hairs in it, paint pot on his cheek,
and a little spot of a ''goatee" OH his
chin; with pretty blinking little studs in
his shirt BOSOM; and little neck-tie
that looks as if he would faint were il
tumbled, I'd as lief look at poodle. |
always feel desire to nip it up with a
pair of sugar-tongs, drop 1t gently into
a bowl OF cream, and strew pink rose
leaves over the little remains.
Finally, my readers, when Sou} nag-
netises Soul, the question of beauty is a
dead letter. Whom one loves, IS al
ways handsome; the worlds arbitrary
rules Notwithstanding; therefore, when
you say ''what can the handsome Mr.,
b. see to admire in that stick of Miss
J.Y''or ''what can the pretty Miss B,
see to like in that homely Mr.. G. ?" you
simply talk nonsense-as you general
ly do on such subjects. Still the par
son gets his fees and the census goes on
all the same. afl
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
Earat an6 Gat&ett.
CULTURE OF THE osIER WILLOW.

The osiers will do wei! without any
cultivation after they are once estab-
| lished. | had several lots of them in
| swampy places, in England, which paid
much better than any other land on the
estate which [ had charge Of We had
beds thrown up with the spade, about
four feet wide, running across the en-
closure -the bitches being about two
feet wide aud two deep between The
beds-each bed having two rows of os-
iers planted, one near each outside
The weeds were kept down with the
hoe till the young plants got strong, at.
ter which they fully occupied the
ground, smothering everything else.--
These were sold at auction, and made
from S25 up to $75 per acre, according
to the crop, the purchasers taking them
away at their own expense-the best
beds selling for the latter sum. i have
seen osers on twenty -acre piece of
low clay land, (Which could not be de-
voted to any other purpose which were
planted in beds as stated--the bitches
between the beds having water in them
nine months out of the twelve-and
these have been sold at a much higher
rate, but being on neighboring pro-
perty cannot say exactly how much;
but their superiority over the osicrs L
had the management and sale of was
any kind growing among them, as also
that no wood or brush had been grow
ing on that land previously, whereas
ours had-some growing gorse and some
hazel wood, t'time out OF mind" On
the piece alluded to VIII ch was so prof.
table, all that was done was the shovel
inc out of the ditchcs after every cut
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
ADVICE TO A YOUNG MAN.

The following letter was addressed TO
young man who had fallen in love
with a girl, aud was about to start on a
campaign against her:
My DEAR FRIEND:-Before Won beoin
your assault upon the affectioi.ssof Miss
Smith, with whom you tell me you are
in love, let me offer you few words of
counsel. Never be ashamed to take adj
vice from an older man than yourself.
Grey hairs bring wisdom, discretion,
and he who with simple reverence heeds
the warnings that fall from aged lips,
and guides his footsteps hereby, Will
win enduring success, and be blessed in
his generation. Ii was a venerable
white haired old man who taught me al
ways to go it alone in euchre when |
held both bowers and the ace, and look
at me now. | am the father. of EIGHT
children, and owe my tailor one hum
dred and seventy-tiye dollars that |
can't pay. Believe me. age brings with
it that experience which time alone can
supply.
In the first place, my boy, when you
so courting never start out OH the prin-
elple that you can make good thing of
it by crowding upon the young woman's
parents. Confine yourself Strictly to
the offspring. On the same principle.
If any other vagabond and foolish youth
is prowling around trying to walk into
that woman's holiest emotions. hold
yourself in, no matter how mad yol NAV
feel about 1t, and, instead of saying hard
things about him, praise him tlp as a
good fellow, who means well, and at the
same time intimate that you consider
him OF not much account in general
way.
She will like you for your magnapi-
nifty. and despise him because you pat
ronize him.
Women are like nightmare; they al
woys go by contraries.
Make up your mind to block the little
game of your rival. Always have en-
gagements week or two ahead with
your angel, and ask her to 90 to the
show before the sale of tickets begins.
He, like the genuine iackass he is, will
very likely wait until he buys the paste
boards.
Never let him sit you out either.
When you both happen together of an
evening. let him do the most of the talk
ing at first and about the time his limit
ed stock OF ideas begin to give out, you
VIII SoiIiS up SilIliilSf anu lie mas either
got to sit there like lot of dead wool.
or else go home.
If he stays little too late for decen-
cy, get up and say to him in pleasant
voice, Come, William; it is getting
late; we had better CO." And he will
rise up and come along, grittng his
teeth and swearing inwardly at you.
But you needn't care, for you'll know
you have a soft thing OH him.
When you pop, don't 60 straddling
around ON the floor on your knees. 1t
is not only ridiculous, but it is destruct-
i've to trowsers. If she says "yes," you
don't need any instruction, The whole
business is dd Hbit,m. Ifshe happens to
remark 'no," but, thinks she can al
ways regard you 'tas friend," don't
make any observations about suicide
No girl was ever worth going to the
cold and silent grave for, yon khow, and
you may have the chance to sail in again
and win.
knew man who broached the sub
jcct eighteen times to the same girl and
he got her ut last.
Never say die. There is no last ditch
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
M0RTAR-A VALUABLE DISCOVERY.

The Scientific American copied some
weeks ago, with commentator, into its
columns the lately discovered method
of Prof Artus for preparing MORTAR
1t is claimed that the mortar hardens
rapidly, a:tains the solidity of cement.
and forms no tears while drying. The
directions for making it are simple, and
our masons should test them: i i.s
Take well slaked lime, and mix care
fully with it finely sifted sand; when.
this has been done let there vet be adj
led one-quarter as much unslaked lime
as there has been sand used, and mix
thoroughly. Willie it is being mixed
the mass heats, and the mortar may
then be Immediately used. OF course
the unslaked lime must not be added to
the mass until it is wanted for use"
The Professor claims that it will re-
sist water, acquire the hardness of old
ordinary mortar within four or five
days, and in month or two become as
hard as stone. hsYs H
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
THE HOP CROP A FAILURE-H0Ps AT A
gs..-rfP DISCOUNT. t.

The Wisconsin papers tell terrible
tales of the effects of the collapse of the
mop bubble, the termination of the hop
fever, aud the fall in the price OF hops.
For some years past. the hop crop has
been so abundant, the prices so high,
and the returns so large, that hop grow
ers were completely infatuated, and
great numbers of otherwise sensible
men were converted into hop monoma-
MACS, who thought ofnothing, but hops.
Every other interest gave way to hops,
The tumble in the price of hops has pro-
duced wide spread disaster. The far
mers in the hop regions, since the mag
ic reed upon which they leaned has
broken, are without money and with
out bread; in short, they are left with
nothing but mortgaged farms, needy
families, and ruined credit. The Wis.,
consin papers say that the resulC of the
present state of affairs will be the up
roofing of probably one-half the hop
yards in the State, and predict that the
recovery from so disastrous crash will
be slow. w.-Nelo York Times. .TasrN
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
VALUE OF ADVERTISING.

Mr.. Parvin, the extensive advertis-
ing agent ut Cincinnati, writes:
The necessity of "a thorough but judi
clous system OF advertising was never so
itorcIbly impressed upon my mind as it
has been within the past few weeks, al
though | have studied advertising close
ly for eighteen years. With my custo-
mers, those that advertise largely, and
have not 1urtailed the amount of their
advertising through the strinsency of
our money market, have to my surprise
paid up i'll full pro nptly as accounts be-
came due. but not so with those that
have curtailed and advertisee sparingly.
They find it is difficult to settle small
accounts, ...H.t
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
HINTS.

The way to live happy is to mind your
own business and let Others n ind theirs.
Will the old scandal mongers profit ty
this Or do they want more Ii they
we will give them some more.
Plant tansy around the roots of peach
trees. The peach worm Will not trou-
BILE them atterward.
10 keep negroes from stealing lock
them up.
In all your associations, keep con-
stantly in view adage, too much free
dom breeds contemet.'
A quarrel witnout fighting is like
thunder without lightning. Crackers
are not always croaEers.
The essential part of good breeding
is the practical desire to afford pleasure
and to avoid giving pain. Any man
possessing this desire requires only op-
portunity and observation to make a
gentleman. Peanut munchers at a
theatre of course excepted, under the
generalrule OF classitications.
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22

R 81 never knowed anything gair :
ed by being Ill too much of hurry, -
said Mrs. Partington. When me and
my dear Paul was married, he was in
such participation, that he came near
marrying one OF the bridesmaids instead
of me. And he was such queer man, !
she continued; "why, he Joined the fire
wood bridge, and one night in his hur-
ry he put his boot on a hind part fore,
and as he ran along everybody behind
got tripped up. The papers was full of
crowners' quests on broken legs and
limbs FOR week afterwards" and she
reiapsed into an abstraction on the ups
ard downs of life.
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
HORSES FEET REQUIRE MOISTURE.

Nine-tenths of the diseases which hap
pen to the hoofs and ankles of horses
are occasioned by standing on the dry
plank floors of the stable. Many per-
sons seem to think from the way they
keep their horses, that the foot of the
horse was never made for moisture, and
that, if possible, it would be beneficial
if they had cowhide boots TO put on eve
ry time they went out. Nature design
ed the foot for moist ground-the earth
of the woods and the valleys-at the
same time that a covering was given to
it to protect il from stones and stumps.
of Guinea peppr 3 gals. tincture of pei
latory one quart, acetic ether OF. and
strong tea u gals. The alcohol in this
mixture is so reduced in strength that
the drugs must be added to restore the
taste, which burns the palate like fire.
The dealer thus makes So gallons ofspu-
rious and poison whiskcy out of forty
gallons of common stuff. Pleasant to
think of it, isn't it
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
STORY ABOUT ANIMAL INTEIL1GENoE.

A gentleman residing in one of our
rural villages, bad a pony, a lively, do
cile and very active animal. whose prin-
cipal service was to carry his mistress
out riding every fine day, her uncle, the
| gentleman, riding his horse. In their
rides they had to pass farm house. inst
over the bridge, Where was kent sur
ly dog which habitlially jumped over
the fence, and barked at' them and wor-
ried the horses, aud particularly the
pony, attempting to bite his hind legs.
and causing him to wheel about and
ssqulrm about to face the dog and save
his heels. ,'H
One day the owner of the dog was
spoken to, and requested to keep his
dog inside OF the fence, and prevent him
worrying the horses. In
He replied: "His dog had as good a
right OIL the road as any other puppy,
and lie should not tie him up"
"Then," said the uncle, sri shoot
your dog the next time he lilies out at as
IN tl;at way;" aud so he left.
When they got home, and the saddle
and bride were taken off the pony, he
slipped away from the hostler, and ran
up to the house where Bruno, large
Newfoundland dog, was lying ON the
mat in front of the piazza. They met;
pony put his head down to Bruno's, and
he raised his head as though he was lis
tening. ooi fH'f NI
"There, look at the dog and pony"
said the uncle: "what under the sun are
they at? They act as though they were
talking"
They let them alone till they got
through, and pony ran about the lawn |
and would not be caught, and Bruno
laid down as before. Il
Next day they rode again, prepared
to shoot the cur, or scare him IRON his |
evil practices. A short distance from |
the house, on Nlrning an angle of the |
road, they looked back and spied Bruno |
quietly following them.
"This won't do" said uncle. "Go |
back, Bruno; you know there is no one
at home but our mistress, and who'll /
guard the house when you are away?-
Go back" iIt .f Eh
.. !. The dog turned and jumped over the
lence as though to go home across the
lots. 80 they rode on until the farm
house appeared in sight. Out came the
eur, uncle prepared to shoot, when all
of sudden over came Bruno, seized tl e
,ur by the neck, shook him severely.
md made him yell like fun, so much so,
hat the family came out to the rescue,
while pony looked on, evidently with as
much delight as child would at play.
he paved the ground, shook and bow
'd his head, and was very active in Sc
'urlng good view ofthe fight. Byand |
~ Bruno let go, and the cur sneakel
nto the house, and Bruno galloped off
lome, after exchanging some words, or
ather rubbing noses with pony.
When they all got home again, the
.nimals had another conference, and
Inc gallop about the lawn, much to the
applause and merriment of uncle and
he family. nfai6T
The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-22
EPISCOPAL CHURCH.

The following statistics relative to the
progress and condition of the protest.
ant Episcopal Church in the Uuited
states during the year 1868, have been
carefully compiled from the latest con-
vention journals and other published re-
ports: Diosceses, 80 bishops, 49; or
dinations POS; clergy, 2,636; parishes,
2,4l2 candidates for holy orders, 33l !;
baptisms, 35,702 contirmations, 2l ,95S;
communicates, 194,692 membership,
100000; contributions, s4.457 ,SSS. .2S :;
marriages, 9,945 burials, 1886 Sun
day school teachers, 2I,71l; Sunday
chool scholars, l93,046.