Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-05-04
OMSObLes.

A man OF musical turn-tne organ grinder.
A volume of water cannot be called dry read
ing.
When is q newspaper the sharpest? When
it is filed.
Bitter sarcasm-Wishing deaf man hap
py new ear.
What do travellers visit Egypt for? To peer
amid the pyramids.
Persons addicted to snoring should sleep with
clothes pins on their noses
Ladies used to 60 to church to show their
bonnets; now, they go to church to show they
have none.
A landlady in Boston, it is said, makes her
biscuit SO light that her dodgers can see to go to
bed by them.
ooh, ma, said little girl who had been to
the show, I've seen the elephant; and he
walks backwards and eats with his tail -
Said an ambitious youth one day to a young
lady: Don't you think I'd better dye my
moustache?' caressng the infant prodigy. L
think if you let it alone it. die itself, said the
young lady.
A young man rushed through the streets OF
Greenville, the other day, followed by a very
he ran HE ish goin smit der reever, under
der ice over, for to suicide commits.
"Why, Mr.. Jones' are you drunk ?" exclain-
ed Mrs. j., as her husband came staggering in
to the house late at night. '''N-no, my de-
dear" said Jones, ''n-not d-drunk, but only
diz-dizzy fr-from looking at the fel-feliows
go round on their velossipedes -
Professor-'This, ladies and gentlemen, is
the Gorilla, or monkey man, the greatest living
curiosity in the known world. He was captur-
with stick Gorilla Indignantly - Jim
Briggs, if you punch me again with that stick,
I'll come out thar and lam you out of your
boots"
We had related to us the other day an anec-
dote of an old lady who formerly entertained
travellers in neighboring county. Before her
guests commenced meal, it was her custom to
ask blessing She always delivered herself In
this wise: ''Oh, Lord make US truly thank
full for the food that is now before US. Nancy,
hand round the corn bread and then the bis
cult afterwards. Amen
4 fond and pious mother was reading to her
boy Of Elisha being Knocked by naughty chill
dren, and Of the sad fate that attended their
irIeverence 1t was but the succeeding day the
boy beheld poor aged cripple, who was also
bald, begging at the front of his fathers house
and Immediately shouted at him, Hey! you
bald head git up and git!'' then, with tan
talizing defiance that was hard to withstand,
added, Now, bring on your bears.
''Sambo: what animal has the greatest guam
tity of brains? %
Don't know, Cuff, cept it be the white mas
sa animal.
mo, Sambo, guess agin.
h. Il IL
and me.
You know nofin, Sambo 1t is de hog,
you black niger; for you see he carries hogs
head full YAH yah, you nigger!''
BRIEF BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCHES. -Mahom-
which he wrote in the Mammoth Cave at Nee
Ca He was the author of religious creed
with which he stuffed Turkey, and tried to get
up broil in Greece, but failed. Many of his
earlier followers suffered great persecution.
Some Of them were bound in Morocco and
burned at the stake He had three temples
while llving-one at Mecca, and one on each
side Of his head.
A minister had taught an old man in his par
ish to read, and found him an apt pupil. After
the lessons had all been finished, he had not
been able to call at the cottage for some time,
and when he did he only found the wife at
home. How John?" Hes canny, sir"
said his wife. How does he get on with his
reading p Nicely, SIR" ''Ah, ] suppose
he'll read his bible very comfortably now. y
Bible sir bless you he was out of the bible
and into the newspaper long ago.
A sheriff officer was once asked to execute
q writ against a Quaker. On arriving at bis
house he saw the Quaker's wife, who in reply
to the inquiry whether her husband was =;
home, said he was, and would speedilyso i
The officer waited patiently for oe him.
when the Quakeress coming some time,
reminded her of her pre- .nto the room, he
her husband. "N mise that he might see
ne m;ght sec -,ay friend; | promised that
Aoe Xix" thee. He has seen thee he did
% :. thy looks, therefore he avoided thee,
"a hath departed from the house by another
path.