The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-07-09
dHrif an& 0utttnu.

aftif anS 9uttnu.
- A romance of the middle ages
An old maids love-letter.
In the battle-field-legs.
=. Why is an infant like a diamond !
Because it is ''dear little thing"
- Ought authorcsses to dress in
book muslin?
- softer OF Cabbage" Is the newest
perfume announced. 1t was invented
by tailor.
- Why are great many bills in
Congress like lobstersp Because when
read they lie on the table.
- A negro, gazing at the Chinese,
said "If de white folks is dark as dat
out dere, | wonder what's de color OBJ
de nlggers?"
Unlike, an is it yourself that will
be after tellin me how they make ice
creams? ain truth | can; don't they
bake them in cowld ovens, to be sure ?n
- A note was found in the pocket
of recent suicide in England, saying:
"Dear friends, don't believe my wife ii
she says she has not money to pay for
my cotfin."
"A home missionary was asked
the cause of his poverty. "Principal-
ly," said he, with twinkle of the eve,
''because have preached so much 10Th
out notes"
-"My son." said an anxious father,
swhy do you use that nasty tobacco ?"
The boy, declining to consider the
question in the spirit IN which 1t was
asked, replied: TO get the juice"
- A party Of young fellows found
fault with the butter ON the boarding =
house table. what is the matter with
it?' inquired the mistress. just you
ask It, said one, lit is old enough to
speak for ITSELF
Little Johnny was being cate
chised by his brother, who asked him
what he was made of. Johnny replied,
"You, and me, and papa, are made of
dust, and ma and sister are made of
mems wibe."
-A badly bunged up Emerald Is
lander, in responce to the inquiry
'Where have you been?" said, "Down
TO Mrs. Mulrooney's wake, and an il
legant time we had at it. Fourteen
fights in fifteen minutes; only one nose
was left in the house and that belongs
to the tay KETTLE"
A young minister was dscours-
ing in the scripture and said Yes, my
friends, the mind of man is so expan-
sive that IL can soar from star to star,
and from sachelite, to sachlite, and from
seraphene to seraphene, and from cher
rybeam TO cherrybeam, and from thence
to the centre of the dome of heaven"
- The lawyer who filed a bill,
shaved note, cut an acquaintance,
split hair, made an entry, got up a
case, framed an indictment, impanel-
led jury, put them into box, nailed
witness, hammered 4 judge, has bor-
ed whole court, all in one day, has
since laid down law ard turned carpeE-
ter.
-"You mean to shay, sir, thash
you don't drlnk-drink (hie)-don't
drink shoshle CLASP" Eyes Bill, I've
given it up; L find can do more work
Without it,. "Finyoucandomore work
without? Why John, thash most OK
trornery reason ever / heard, John. |
Shtop shoshle (hic) glass t domowork!"
- One day last week, says the De-
Republican, an individual of
lHc alIlCln Tile Oh |
flee of the probate judge III that city,
when the following diologue ensued
sis dis de place whar dey gifts license |
for to git married ?" "Yes." swell,
L got married two years ago wild Ii
cense, and now my wite's dun run a.
way and left me, and soant 10 get my
name scratched of!"
- Boggs likes a warm bed. One
nrp inn m 70 l
tried TO sell him recipe.
"Look here" said Boggs. sIf you've
got anything that'll save me from get
ting out Of bed in the cold every morn
ing to build a fire for my wife to get
breakfast by, III buy it; but don't come
round here trying to sell stuff TO put
'em out its too much trouble to start
them !"
"A man coming home late, lit
tie more thaa shalt seas over" feeling
thirsty procured glass OF water and
drank it. In doing so, he swallowed a
small ball of silk which lay iE the bot
tom of the tumbler, the end catching I
IN his teeth. Feeling something he be-
gan pulling at the end, and the little
ball unrolllng, he soon hand several {
yards in his hands, and no end appear
ed. "Wlfe, wife," he said, ''wife, come
here Pm unraveling?"
"A lady in Wisconsin has order
I'd her tombstone. a blank space was 9
eft in which the date OF her death is to /, !
DC inserted, at some future time. The /
'eason she gives for this strange freak 5
that she has profiigate son, who Is
her money at such rate,
hat she is afraid there will not be c.
lough lett after her death, to pay for a
30 marx her grave.