Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1869-09-17

A HEARTY gentleman-Sir Loin. a
| A POSITIVE gentleman-Cer-tain.
A SUSPICIOUS gentleman-Sur-mise.
| A CowARDLY gentleman-Sur-render
MANY a good man leaveth an Inherit
ance IN the Washington Life Insurance
Company of New York. ae
A scHooLMAsTER, on being asked what
was meant by the word fertilization,
answered, "two twentifcations make a
ratification" aa ...,.- .t..., III
| AN invalid disturbed all the inmates OF
his boarding house, recently, by initiating
dog. When asked why he did it, he said
ne had been ordered by his physician to
4 use Port-wine and bark. '.t,.............
| The blessed man that preached for us
last Sunday" said Mrs Darlington, "served
the Lord for thirty years-frst as circus
rider, then as locust preacher, and last
as an exhauster."
A MAN attempted to spell /" crockery u
the other day, and proceeded thus,
kraughkearreighe," but expired in a
spasm before he could make a y,acwith
which he intended to end the word. 81 s..r
THERE'S the Rub" Plain faced girls
should dress plainly remarks a lady OF
authority on fashion. Was there ever a
young lady who was willing to admit that
she had plain face? ''''' ''
SOME things come by odd names. The
most uncommon thing in nature is styled
long is "brief;" and melancholy ditty,
devoid of sense or meaning, is a "glee.
REV DIR. ELIOT says, of all persons in
the world, travellers are apt to be the most
unreasonable, and if there is quarter OF
an inch of selfishness in man, it shows
itself up in cars and steamboats,.
| ExCURsIoNIsT (from Salt Lake,. "Give
me through tickets for fifteen grown per-
sons and thirty-nine children" New
Ticket Clerk from Massachusetts,. If
it's a school or an asylum, we can make
them cheaper to you" Excursionist Gin
dignantly). "Sir! it's my own private
family, sir!" se4 eai -s.:.f a,frI 3. 7e.
AMONG the latest promotions in the
French army was one of captain of the
guard who was elevated to the rank of
commandant. On learning the news his
little girl began to sing and dance and clap
her hands. "What makes you so glad %
inquired her mother, "Why, if papa is
commandant there will be music at his
funeral" itHS .Asaf
A YOUNG lady. having asked a gentle
man the size of his neck, he sent the fol-
lowing:
$. The size of my neckl That's remarkably strange,
And admits of very significant range; ga-!
necktie collar sore throat, halter, ts4ssi:
And Others enough to make a man falter;
Let this tender reply anxiety check, .as # .e.4
The length of your arm win just go round my neck"
A ROMAN ecclesiastic, in reply to what
ever question might be proposed, began
by saying, i" make distinction" A
certain cardinal, having invited him to
dine, proposed to derive some amusement
for the company from the well-lnown pc
culiarity Of his guest. Saying that he had
an important question to propose, he
asked: "Is it under any circumstances
lawful to baptize in soup?" 81 make a
Distinction said the priest; eff you ask
Is it lawful to baptize in soup in general?'
| say no; if you ask, Is it lawful to bap-
tie in your excellency's soup?' say yes
for there is really no difference between
it and water"
LIFE AssURANCE.-The important sub
ject Of Life Assurance is gradually and de-
servedly gaining public attention by the
force of its own merits. The time is not
far distar: when the death of a man leav-
ing his family unprovided for by policy
of Life Assurance, will leave a stain Of
neglected duty upon his character. 1t is a
duty which every man owes to his own
dependents and to the community, He
who neglects is not good husband, father
or citizen. He has no right even to risk
the chance of throwing the future support
OF his family, in case of his death, on the
community at large, or on relatives and
friends, when it is in his power so easily
and surely to provide against such con-
tingencies. OF all the companies doing
business the, Washington stands second to
none. f.r..., ~ ,,,g...l.-s: 81 - "a ~
THE New York Herald states that not
long ago tailor in that city, who is, happy
enough to be considered a master of his
art by some of his customers, received
from Europe what appeared to be neither
more nor less than coffin. For time he
feared to investigate the mystery. But, tax
ing heart of grace and hammer, at last he
opened the dolOrous case, and within it
found nothing more nor less than thecoun-
terfeit presentment of one of his DEVOTED
"clients" Sent abroad to reside, and find
ing no tailor either in London or Paris
who could do justice to his fair proper
GIOIiS, tHlS lHteilISeut yOutH udu CduScu 10
be made an exact manikin likeness of
himself, which he had forwarded to his
New York artist" in order that his gar
ments might be fitted thereon without flaw
or fear of fault. 6ias
"MARK TWAIN" gets off the following
in the Buffalo Express. John Wagner
the oldest man in Buffalo--104 years-re-
Gently walked a mile and a half in two
weeks Heis as cheerful and bright as
any of these other old men who charge
around soin the newspapers, and is every,
way as remarkable. Last November he
walked five blocks in a rain storm, without
any shelter but an umbrella. and cast his
vote for Grant, remarking that he had
voted for forty-seven Presidents (which
was lie. His "second crop of rich brown
hair !" arrived from New York yesterday,
and he has a new set Of teeth coming
from Philadelphia. He is to be married
next week toea girl 1O2 years old, WHO still
takes in washing. They have been en-,
gagged eighty years, but their parents per-
sistently refused their consent until three
days ago" 5ssS -
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