The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1869-11-11
PUTTING UP gTOVEs.

The eVexatiOn,OftheS SeasOn-Des-
CriDtfOn Oflhe Ceremony by
One who has been Through
il.
In consequence of the arrival of cold
weather once more, about these days
there is a universal putting up Of
stoves preparatory for the winter cam
paign, and undoubtedly a great deal
of profanity is INDUCED in. One who
has considerable experience in the
work of putting up stoves says the
first step to be taken is to put on a
very old and ragged coat, under the
impression that when he gets his
mouth full of plaster it will keep his
shirt bosom clean. Next he gets his
hands inside the place where the pipe
ought to go, and blacks his fingers, and
then he carefully makes a black mark
down one side of his nose. It is i'm
possible to make any headway, in
doing this work, until this mark is
made down the side Of the nose.
Having got his face properly marked
the victim is ready to begin the cere-
mOny. The head of the family-whO
is the big goose of the sacrifice
grasps one side of the bottom of the
stove, and his wife and the hired girl
take hold of the other side. In this
way the load is started from the wood
shed toward the parlor. Going
through the door the head of the fam
lily will carefully swing his side of the
stove around and jam his thumb nail
against the door post. (This part Of
the ceremony is never omitted. J Hav-
ing got the stove comfortably in place,
the next thing is to find the legs. Two
of these are left in the stove since the
spring before. The other two must be
hunted after for twenty five minutes
They are usually found under the
coal. Then the head of the family
holds up one side of the stove while
his wife puts two of the legs in place,
and next he holds up the other side
while the other two are fixed, and one
of the first two falls out. By the time
the stove gets on its legs he gets reck-
less. and takes of his old coat regard
less of his linen. Then he goes off for
the pipe and gets a cinder in his eye.
1t don't make any difference how well
the pipe was put up last year, it will
| be found q little too short or a little
too long. The head of the family
jams his hat over his eyes and taking a
/ pipe under each arm goes to the tin
shop to have it fixed. When he gets
back he steps upon one of the best
rarlor chairs to see if the pipe fits, and
his wife makes him get down for fear
he will scratch the varnish off from
the chair with the nails in his boot
heel. In getting down he will surely
step on the cat, and may thank his
stars if it is not the baby. Then he
gets an old chair and climbs up to the
chimney again, to find that in cutting
the pipe off the end has been left toe
big for the hole in the chimney. 81
he goes to the wood-shed and splits one
side of the end of the pipe, with ar
old axe, and squeeze it in his hands tC
make it smaller: Finally he gets the
pipe III shape duu uuuS lllott tiC oN'HN
ldoes not stand true. Then himself anC
wife and the hired girl move the stove
to the left, and the legs fall out again
| Next it is to be moved to the right
! More difficulty with the legs. Moved
to the front little. Elbow not ever
with the hole in the chimney, and ht
goes to the wooG-shed after some little
blocks. While putting the blocks un
der the legs the pipe comes out Of the
chimney. That remedied, the elbow
keeps tipping over to the great alarm
IOf the wife. Head of the family get,
1.-The dinner table out, puts the ole
chair on it, gets his wife to hold th'
chair, and balances himself on it t.
drive some nails into the ceiling
\ Drops the hammer on his wife's head
At last gets the nails driven, makes
wire swing to bold the pipe, hammer
z little here, pulls a little there, take
long breath, and announces the Ger
emOny completed.
Job never put up any stoves. /
would have ruined his reputation if
! had.