Delaware tribune. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1867-1877, 1869-03-11
The MournfuI Tale of Hammer SkIipps.
A Romance Of Fashion.

A Romance of Fashion.
will now unfold the Mornful Tail oy
Hammer Skilpps, who was belov'd by a young
man. which bis befront name will call Jo-
seph. call it Joseph, becaus that aoos his
front name.
Hammers cheeks was as fare as the D.
mask Rose; her teeth was as white as the
SHOWS ov as many winters as you chose to
Sifer up. She had n copiousness ov Black
hare, which she paid ~ dollars fer the lot.
Her bust coodent hev bin eny buster with
out Dustin her boddice.
To make short story longer, she was as
bewtiful as Potts Dreem-tho' hev never
seen Poick's dreem. Not to the best ov
my knowledge. don't allood to Dutch
Potts dreem in these comparison, fer they
| genrilly dreem ov Switzer cheese and Lager
Beer, an those is not bewtiful. Not much,
you bet.
Hammer follerd the fashuns to a aarmin'
extent. An Joseph follered Hammer to an
alarmin' extenter.
Hammer had trunks full ov fashunable
Things and sich-an' many more.
| One day when her crooel Par demonstrated
putty emfatically with her fer being so ex-
travagantily fash'nable, she replied with big
tear in her I, an huge waterfall in her left
hand, as willy: "Why Par, mite as well
be out ov the World as out ov the Fashun. {"
An then her par, who had just lorst sum
currency in Erie Stox, & was in n bad hu-
NOR, tole her she Good go there, if she Good
find the place.
81 will" sez his Dawter.
Then stratway did this high-spirited Han
ner Sklipps embark on the Camden g. Am
boy r. r., an go to Scobbs Neck, N. j.,
with only II trunks, remarkin' as how as
she was gone out ov the World, an coodent
be fashnable, she didn't warnt her other 25
| trunks ov Close alorng.
But the ole man Sklirps relented. His
Addymantine heart softcnd like his he'd, an
he put Personal into the Herald to these
effeck, too-whit: -
RENNAu. Hear these tears. See these
signs. Feel these breaking heart. Come
home, or Ill thrash you within inch NV
your Lite There ROW, you d better come.
jall-eltxpd
| Ov corse, no outsider Good see any sense
in those "Pcrsonal'--or cny other "perso-
| nal" fer that matter, fer the simple reason
that thare air no sense in EN-.
But when Hammer got the Herald out ov
be p. o. offs at Scobb's Neck, the folerin
day, her cys soon rested on these notice.
She antissypated it. She Good read Greek,
henz she wasn't long findn' out what it
meant when freely translated.
She took her | trunks and Scooted home.
She came back mere Wreck ov her form
CT self. But few dips into the trunks what
was left at home restored her, and SHE
Shon'd 4th once more in all her former pris-
tine grandoor-whatcyer those is, don't
know, but it sounds nice.
AS l prcvisly mentiond, Joseph had
yearnin' fer this Maiden. lie had il bad.
He wrote Eer name onto bo'rd fenses with
| piece ov chark Skulpt it onto trees with
his Jachnite, an behavd like sick kitten in
sevrl respecks,
An when he larned that she had $4,000
dollars, and the oo'hakc, an the Greshin
Bend, all at onct, it didn't dampen the arder
ov Joscph's luv partiklc Nary. He just
luvd rite strait at the mark, an won.
| Joseph askt her eff she wood hev him for
her own Troo luv.
Hammer said "No.'
But she scd il with sech prodius Sigh,
and leand her he'd so lovingly onto his wes-
kit, that he knowd full well that she meant
''yes." An he was happy.
They was to be married in weeks.
But thare's many sip 'twix the cup an
the lip,-wich Erase is not rigina with the
| undersind.
A week aiorc they was to be hitcht into
matrimonial harness, so to speak, a insident
| made its debOO (FrpRch) wicl cllectuoally
squsbt all the love out ov Joseph. =
The son had sot, an mite crept on apace.
BY the way, l notis that mite allus duz creep
ON apace soonly ariler the son stteth. Its
the mites biz to do so, spose
At midnite, when the son was low, thare
was 'larm ov fire. Joseph was still in his
oflis porin over sum books. 3 helthy youths
was hclpin him TO pore over EN-. They
calld 1t Whist-whatever that is.
Joseph struck fer the seen ov conilagrashun.
He soon discovered that Ole Sklipps' man.
shun was on fire.
The noble firemen they stood roun' with
thare trowsers in thare butes, cussin' one
another promscusly company per-
ventin another company from skwirlin be-
kaws they hadent enutt hose to sqwrt onto
the billdin thareselves-which is very un-
right for the noble iiremen to do so. Engine
No. G3i jest becaws it cOodent skwirt onto
| the III cy tyirt nd nntn oil fht neas,i1 rln
stood near EN-.
The seethin flames hisst & sisht, an pro-
troodcd thare serpentine an frey tongs out
ov the wnders, licking orr the shutters and
other combustibull matter in the twinklin'
ov a l, an clashin thare destructiv jaws with
diabolik.e relish which seemd to say " Its
hunky, you bet =
Thare! that's written in the sensation stile
ov the New York reporters | wont do so
no more.
As Joseph stood gain onto the burnn
edits. wantin to do everything, an not
KNOWN which to do fust,-hens doin nothn
he herd Ole Sklipps wringn' his hands, an
seen him exclame in tones ov profoun'
aMe child, o me child! Save herr
"I'll resloo her." remarkt Joseph.
An he plungd into the billdin like potato
into dinner pot, as it were, & hed him to
nlS Hammer room. but tnare was no Han
ner thare. Apparently not much.
His vision restid onto elderly lookin
femail in a complete case Of fright, an not
in a very complete wardrobe.
When she saw our Hero-for now he is a
hero-(Walter Brown is a he rower she
chung to Joseph an cried aloud
80 my dearest Joseph, you've cum at
larst,- ut larst! Save me Save your
own Hanner!"
"Thats MY bizness at this present mo-
ment,' replied Joseph; "only tell me ware
she is-pint her out!"
"Here she is-Tm yer Hanner!'
Not much, sed Joseph " Not fer Jo-
seph, not eff he knows it, o dear no, none
: fer Jo."
f What them Bald ked his Hammer! those
! toothless mouth his Hammer that 40 yeal
ole Femail his Hammer
Well,-yes, must confess it ware Toe
troo. While the Firemen cusst without
Joseph cum putty near cussin within.
!, But he had hart. He graspt the so lb!
!. of d-nsel | never sware profane oaths
u | an nlacp1 her in her fathers arms