The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1869-09-09
Model Editorial salutatorT.

"Mark IWaln, the well KNOWN hutuor'
st, has become one of the proprietors OF the
Buffalo Erpress, and publishes his "saluta-
tory" in the following (typo)- graphic style:
Being d stranger, it would be immodest
aud unbecoming in me to suddenly and
violently assume the associate editorship
of the Buffalo Express without single
explanatory word of comfort CIR encour'
agement 10 the unoffending patrons of the
paper who are about to be exposed to con-
stant attacks of my wisdom and learning.
But this explanatory word shall be as
brief as possible. l only wish to assure
parties having friendly interest in the
prosperity of the journal that am not
going to hurt the paper deliberately and
Intentionally at any time. | am not
going to introduce any startling, reforms,
or in any way attempt to make trouble.
1 am simply going to do my plain, unpre,
tending duty, when I cannot get out of
it; shall work diligently and honestly
and faithfully at all times and upon all
occasions; when privation and want shall
compel me to do it.; in writing l shall al
ways con6ne myself strictly 10 the truth,
except when it is attended with inconye-
nience; shall witberingly rebuke all
forms of crime and misconduct, except
when committed by the party inhabiting
my own vest; shall not make use of
slang or vulgarity upon any occasion or
under any circumstances, and never use
profanity except in discussing house rent
and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought,
will not even use it then, for it is
unchrstian, inelegant and degrading
though to speak truly l do not see how
house rent and taxes are going to be dis.
cussed worth cent without il. l shall
not often meddle with politics, because
we have political editor who is already
excellent, and only needs to serve term
in the penitentiary in order to be perfect.
1 shall not write any poetry, un less con-
ceive spite against the subscribers.
Such is my platform. l do not see any
earthly use in it; but custom is law, and
custom must be cbeyed, no matter how
much violence it may do to one'sfeelings.
And this custom which l am slavishly fol-
lowing now is surely one of the least ne
cessary that ever came into vogue. In
private life man does not 60 and trum-
pot his crime before he commits it, but
your new editor is such an important per-
sonaee that he feels called upon to write
q "salutatory" at once, and he puts into
it all that he knows, and all that he don't
know, and some things he thinks he knows
but isn't certain Of And he parades his
list of wonders which he is going to per-
form of reforms which he is going to in
troduce, and public evils which he is
going to exterminatc; and public bles-
sings which he is going to abate. He
spreads this all out with oppressive So
lemnity over column and half of large
print, and feels that the country is saved.
His satisfaction over it is something enor-
nous. He then settles down TO his mira
cles and inficts profound platitudes and
impenetrable wisdom upon helpless pub
lie as long rs they can stand it, and then
thew send him off Consul to some savage
island in the Pacific in the vague hope
that the cannibals will like him we'll
enough to eat him. And with an inhu-
mainly which is but fitting climax to
his career of persecution, instead OF
packing his trunk at once, he fingers to
infct upon his benefactors q "valedlc'
tory" If there is anything more uncall-
ed for than "salutatory," it is one ofthose
fearful, blubbering long-winded "valedic-
tories"- wherein q man who has been an
noying the public for ten years cannot
take leave of them without sisting down
to cry column and a half. Still, it is
the custom to write valedictories, and
custom should be respected. In my heart
| admire my predecessor for declining to
print @ valedictory, though in public l
say and shall continue to say aternly it is
custom, and he ought to have printed one.
People never read them any more than
thew do the ''salutatoriea," but neverthe-
less he ought to have honored the old fos-
sil-he ought to have printed valedic-
tory. | said as much 10 him, and he re-
piled:
II have resigned my place. have de-
parted this life-I am journalistically
dead, at present, amt I" !"
eyes"
"Well, wouldn't you consider it dis
graceful IN corpse W siI UP "'u ooih'
ment on the funeral y
l record it here, and preserve it from
oblivion, as the briefost and best "valedic'
tory" that has yet come under my notice.
MARK TWAIN.
READ Your Own PAPER.--We should
inst as soon think of making a practice
of borrowing a mans tooth brush as Dor.
rowing his paper. Every man ought to
have newspaper of his own, if he would
be considered Ga man among men,"
The too prevalent practice of borrow.
inc newspapers has become proper sub
iect for condemnation. A single copy is
often made to do duty in half dozen
families, and that, too, from one years
end to another.
h.