The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1869-03-10
A London Church "Done" by Drene


The following truthful picture of church in
the heart of London. :" the most Christian city in
the world" will give good idea of the piety OF
the cockneys
As a congregation, we are fourteen strong, not
TO count an exhausted charity school 10 the gall
lery, which has dwindled away to four boys and
two girls. In the porch is a benefacton of loaves
OF bread, which there would seem to be nobody
left in the congregation TO claim. and which saw
an exhausted beadle, long faded out of uniform.
eating with his eyes for self and family when
passed him. There is also an exhausted clerk In q
brown wig, and two or three exhausted windows
and doors have been bricked up, and the service
books are musty, and the pulpit cushions are
threadbare, and the whole of the church furniture
is In very advanced stage Of exhaustion. We
are three old women, (habitual.) two young
lovers, accidentally two tradesmen, one with
wife and one alone, an aunt and nephew again
two girls (these two girls dressed out for church.
with everything about them limp that should be
stii and vice versa. are an nvarisble experience)
and three staggering boys. The clergyman is
perhaps the chaplain of a civic company Il he has
the moist and vinous look and exc the dubious
boots, with one acquainted with Twenty port and
comet vintages.
We are so quiet in our dulIness that the three
staggering boys, who have got away into o cor
ner by the altar railing give start like crack
ers, whenever they laugh. The aunt and nephew
In this city church are much disturbed by the sng-
gering boys. The nephew is himself boy, and
marbles and strings. by secretly offering such.com.
modites to bis distant contemplation. This young
st. Anthony for while ressts, bat presently be-
comes backslider, and in dumb show dehes the
singers to heave " marble or two Ia his di.
rection Herein he is detected by the aunt "a
rigorous, reduced gentlewomsn who has charge
OF the Offices and | perceive that worthy rels.
tive to poke him In the side with the corrugated
hooked handle OF an ancient umbrella. The
nephew revenges himself for this by holding his
breath and terrifying his kinswoman with the
dread belief that he has made up his mind to BURST
Regardless Of whispers and shakes he swells and
becomes discoored, aud yet again swells and be-
comes discolored, until the aunt can bear in no
longer, but leads him out, with no visible neck,
and with his eyes going before him like prawns.
This causes the sniggerers to regard fight as an
eligible move, and know which Of them will go
out nrst because OF the overdevout attention that
he suddenly concentrates on the clergyman. In a
little while this hypocrite, with an elaborate de-
monstration OF hushing bis footsteps and with a
face generally expressive Of having until now for
gotten religious appointment elsewhere, is gone.
Number two gets out in the same way, but rather
quicker. Number three getting safely to the door,
there turns reckless, and banging II Open flies
forth with swhoop that vbrates to the top OF the
tywer above us.
The clergyman, who is of prandial presence
and mufiied voice, may be scant Of hearing as
well as OF breath, but be only glanced at us, as
having an idea that somebody has said amen In q
wrong place, and continues his steady Jog. trot,
=
he has to do In the same easy way, and gives as q
concise sermon, still like the jog.trot OF the
farmers wife on level road. its drowsy cadence
soon lulls the three old women to sleep, and tho
unmarried tradesman sits looking at windows, the
married one Is looking at his wife's bonnet, and
the lovers sit locking at one another SO euperla-
lively hsppy that | mind, when I, turned of
eighteen, went with my Angelica so q city church
on account OF shower (by this special coinci-
dence that IL was in Hugginlane) and when
SAID to my Angelica, Let the blessed event.
angelica, occur at no altar but this :" and when
my Angelica consented that IL should occur at no
other-which il certainly never did, for 1t never
occurred anywhere. And o, Angelica, what has
become OF you, this present Sunday morning.
when capt attend 70 the sermon: and. more
iifhcult question than that, what has become OF
ne as was when sat by your side.
But we receive the signal to make that unani-
nous drive which surely is little conventional
Ike the strange rustling and settings and clearing
Il throats and noses. which are never dispensed
Nth, at certain points Of the church service and
re never held to be necessary under any other
circumstances. In minute more II is all over and
be organ expresses itself to be glad of II az it
an be of anything in its rheumatic state. and in
mother minute we are all of us out Of the church
nd Witty. brown has locked IL M.