The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1869-04-22
billings ON RzLEs.

spring came tins year az mutch as u.s.
ual, hale butuous virgin, 5000 years old
and upwards, hale and harty ole gal, well
cum tew York State, and parts adjacent
Now the birds jaw, now The cattle hol-
Ter, now the pigs skream, now the geese
warble, now the kats sigh, and nature is
trlskey; the earnest pissmire, the virtu-
Gus bedbug, and the nobby cockroach,
arc singing Yankee Doodle and coming
thru the rhi." Now may be seen the
muskeeter, that gray outlined critter of
destiny, solitary and alone, examining his
last years bill, and now may be heard,
with the naked ear, the hoarse shanghigh
bawling in tie barnyard.
Kittens IN the doorway, and puppys on
the greeu, neighbor chats with neiohbor.
and the languid urchin creeps listless to-
wards the school These things are all
fust rate in their place, but spring brings
| Pesky 6ites, and plants them carelessly,
sometimes among the maiden's charms,
and sometimes among the young mems
kan talk like prechure poet about biles
now, for have one in full bloom grow
ing on me. almost reddy tn pick, az big
az an egg plant, and az full of anguish
az broken heart.
Biles are the surest things Of their size
on record, az cross to the touch as a set
tin hen, or a dog with fresh bone. Biles
always pick out the handiest place on
your body to build their nest, and if you
undertake to break them up, II only makes
them mad, and takes them longer 10 hatch
out. There amt no such thing az
! coaxing; nor driving them away. They
are like an inpudent bed bug, they won't
move till they have got their fill
Biles are az old az religion. Job, the
profit, was the fust champion ov bies and
he is currently reported tew hav more
biles, and more pashunce, to the square
inch, than emmy one, two very rare things
10 be found in any man.
PdShlHce and biles l should as soon
| think of mixing courting and muskeeters
together for luxury.
have got a great deal more faith than
L have pashunce, but hain't got enough
faith in biles. / wouldn't trust a bile
even on one ov ny boots.
/ think faith is better article than
pashunce. Faith sometimes is an evil
dence of brains, and pashunce quite as
!
In these smooth and rough times, it is
boss TO hav too rpuch tai invested in
either of them.
But am out ov the road. ! must get
back onto biles again.
| If feller begins to wander, and get
out of the strait and narrow path, it is
curious how quick he will 60 to the --.
| Biles are very sassy /; sumtimes when
yer go to set down, they will git between
yer and the chair that is one evidence
of their ill-breeding, and had one once
plant herself on the frunt end ov my nose,
which was most remarkable piece of bad
| manners, for there is no room on my nose
anywhere for bile, for when it is even
ebb tide with my nose, it covers half of
mi face. Biles are seG to be helthy, and
CESS they am for heV seen some helthy
| old biles, az big az a hornets nest and az
/ full Nv stings. always want to be helthy
| but if he'd to hev biles OF me awl
the time, in order to be healthy, should
think that was bulling the market.
There is one more smart thing about
biles; they are like twins they hardly
ever come singly, and have known them
/ throw double skies.
What! twelve biles on one man at
time This il wuz than fghtin humble
| bees with your summer cloths on.
Biles are sed by the educated and cor
rect spoilers Of the land to be an opera
shun of nature TO get rid of sumthing wich
she wants TO spare. This is tru without
! doubt, but 1t don't strike me as being a
| polite thing in nature to shuv oph her
| biles onto other folks. l say, let every
body tend TO their own biles.
! But say all yer kan about biles, call
| them all the mean names current among
fishmongers, revile, persecute, and spit on
| them, groan, grin, and swear when they
! visit yer, hit them on the head and set
on them if yer please, there is time in
their career when they concentrate awl the
pathos of JOY that man has on hand to
| spare and that is when they bust.
This is bliss, glory and revenge on the
J half~shell. A man leans back in rektified
comfort, az innocent and az Timber as
mermaid. This pays for the fretful
nights aud nervous days vile the bile has
been Matching, this shows US what il IL
to grin and bear it-this shows what it
iz to be billed, wrung out and hung up to
dry. This is the calm after the storm,
the wedding day of pashunce and joy /;
this iz the christening of hope, the mystick
hen that lays eggs a day this IL butter
on yer sassages Exit biles.
A STRANGE MIsTAKE-A couple in a
| town in Massachusetts recently had an