The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1869-08-14
Budget Of Finn.
A. Head on Marriage.
g soles with but one thert,
2 hartS as beets like

2 harts as beets like
Marriage is that congloaeration Of the sexes
a. is considered constitutpnal in all countries;
but it is more particularly OF the United States
When man 80 far fosits hisself as to git mar
rid, he bids farewell o the Declaration of indie
pendence and bece1ss at once an honorary mem.
Der of the night Of the garter, an order estab.
lished by the Crusaders in the shines that tried
mems soles" larridge, dramatically speakin,
is a compoun1coDjunct and shows the rela-
ton betwee, man and woman. Accordin' To
arithmetick don't see how people make out
that marrdge makes two folks one, for if You
take the cypher O) woman and add her to the
unit Q)4nan, it makes 10, unless fggers lie, and
fgger wont lie in anything else unless it is mar
ride ss.Ia y.
Different folks have different reasons for mar.
gym; some marry for love, some for riches, some
because they want to, and some because thew
can't help it When man falls in love, he
takes to readin' the New York Ledger, and
wsarin' lavender colored kids and patent leather
boots as pinches his toes, and putin "new
uown hay onto his pocket handkerchief. Then
no forgits to put sugar into his ceffec and makes
big mistakes in his cash account Then he takes
to drinkin' Mrs. Winslow's soothin' syrup and
putin squills in the middle of the top of his
head AS the time approaches for him TO be
hitched to the adored of his buzzum, he feels al
ii an eel was crawling down his back and little
cupids with wings and without any clothes On
was singing the star spangled banner in the air
all around him. Then, like the prodigal SON.
he goes on from bad to wus, until he gifts his
name in the papers under the proper hedin', and
tells the world he is united In paddock, and that
mo cards" is played, and sends some ginger
bread and pop beer to the editor, who wishes the
happy pear long life and many Of EN-.
Yhen comes the bunny moon and bride trip
70 Niagara or Mammoth Cave, or Bridge Of
Size. After this the bunny moon is all moon.
shine, until still smaller voice announces that
there is "angel in the house |" as the poios
say; but it always seems to me moIe like the
D,ickens In the house when hear 'em. Alter
while there is family jars, which Jars amt 6t
to preserce friendship-they are "Of the earth.
earthly ~ -
When Araminta an I got marrid, after q
oourtship OF some seventeen winters, durin'
which "she never told her love, but like q worm
IN the mud. fed onto her damaged cheek" we
had lots of presents Of tin-ware, short close,
spoons, and other wearin' apparel, but rather
more spoons than anything elts. It wus spoony
time But the short close still lies in the bu.
reau drawers a monument and mockery to boy.
ish dreams and disappointed ambishun As the
Scorched polo Burns says:
"-The best laid schemes of men aud mice OF pan
gegee
But Araminta and are DRAWN down the cell
OF Ge together, still loving, still hoping that the
time will come when we shall have to provide
extra spoon and porringer. Trooly hope is the
sheet anchor to the sole Long may she vsyeI
But marriage is devine institooshun. morn
so than republican form of government or the
Dimecratic party. Adam cudent live without
Mrs. Adam, snaix or no snsix. And becoz they
raised Cain after they was married, it's no sine
that other folks should "raise CAIN in the mar
ried staff. Becoz they ct up the best winter ap-
pies its no sine married people should make each
others hatr come out before the usual time
Marriage is mootual; and one can't git along
without the other more than child can tetsr on
board without child on tho other end ont
Woman to a man is like the bob to kite the
more she's attached to man, the higher he'll fly
Marry early an marry often, and when you get
good wife stick to her like a shoemaker's wax
to hot stove or Spaulding's glue to broken CHI
ma.
Such is the law and the profits.
Peacefully yours,
HrAn