The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1869-11-12
JOSH BILLINGS.
The Hornet.

JOSH BILLINGS.
The Hornet.
The Hornet is an infiammible bugger,
sudden in his impreshuns; and hasty in
hiZ conclusions, or end.
His natral disposition IL a warm cross
between red pepperin the pod, and fusil
oil, and his moral bias IL, Egit out NV
my way.
They have long black boldly, divided
in the middle by waist spot, but their
phisikal Importance lies at the terminus
of their suburb, in the shape of jaw
lcin.
This javlein is alwuz loaded, and
stands reddy to unload at q minnut's
warning, and enter man az still az
thought, as spry as litenin, and as full
of melancholy as the toothake. Horn
cts never argy kase; they settle awl
ov their differences of opinyun by let
tin their javelein fly, and are as surtain
to hit az q mule liz.
This testy critter lives in congrega-
tons numbering about one hundred
soles, but whether they are mail or fea-
male, or conservative, or matched in
bonds of wedlock, or whether they are
Mormuns, and a good many of them
king together and kepe one husband to
save expence, | don't know or don't
kare.
l never have examined their habits
much, never considered it healthy.
Hornets bid theis nests whenever
they take noshun tn, and seldom are
disturbed, for what would it profit a
man to kill 80 hornets and hav the one
hundredth one hit dim with his
javelin?
They bid their nests of paper, with
out any back doors to them or windows.
They have but one place of admission,
and the nest liz the same shape of an
overgrown pineapple, aud is cut up in
to iist as many bed rooms as there IL
hornets.
1t liz very simple to make a hornets
nests if you kan, but will wafer emmy
man 800 dolIarz that he kant bid one
that he could sell to hornet for half
price.
Hornets are as bizzy az their second
couZins, the bee, but whatever they are
about the Lord only knows; they don't
lay up any honey or emmy money; they
seem to be busy just for the purpose ov
working all the time; they are alwus
in az much of hurry az if they was
goin fer doctor.
/ spose this uneasy world would
grind around on its axle-tree onct in "a
hours if there want emmy hornets, but
hornets must be good for something,
but / cant think now what it IL.
There haint been bug made yet in
vain, nor one that want a good job.
Thare is ever lots oV human men loaf
ing around blacksmith shops, and cider
mills, all over the country, that don't
seem to be necessary for anything but
to beg plug tobacco, and swear, and to
steal water-melons, but you let the
cholera break out once, and then yu
will see the wisdom of having jist SIGH
men laying around; they help to fill
out.
Next tew the cockroach, who stands
tew the head, the hornet haZ got the
most waste stummuk, in reference tew
the rest of his body than emmy ov the
insek population, and here is another
mystery wat on arth duz n hornet
want so mulch reserved corps for?
l have jist thought-tew carry his
javelin in thus we see, the more we dis
kover the more we are apt to know.
1t is always good purchase tew pay
out yer last surviving dollar for wis
dunn; and wisdum is like the mysteri-
Gus hens egg, it amt laid in yure hand,
but is laid away under the barn, and
WI have got to sarch for it.
The hornet is an unusual kuts, he IL
more naughty than he is proud, he liz a
thoroughbred bug, but his breeding and
refinement haz made him like sum
other folk l kno ov, dissatisfied with
himself and everybody else; too much
goob greediDg ackts in this way some
times.
Hornets are long-lived-I kant state
list how long their lives are, but j
know from instinkt and observashun
that emmy kriter, be he bug or be he
devil, who IL mad all the time and
stings every good chance he can git
generally outlives all his nabers.
The only good way 20 get at the eX-
act fiteing weight of the hornet is few
touch him, let him hit you once with
his javelin, and you will be willing to
testify in court that some one run q
one-tined pitchfork into yer; and az fol
grit. will state for the informashun oy
thoze who hav'nt had q chance few lay
in their vermin wisdom az hav, that
| one single hornet, who feels well, will
brake up large camp meeting.
What the hornets do for amusement
is another question i kant answer, but
some ov the best read, and heaviest
thinkers amung the naturalists say they
have target excursions, and heave theil
| iavelins at a mark, but don't imbibe
| this asscrshon raw, for never knu any
body SO bitter at heart az the hornets
are, to waste a blow.
Thare liz one thing that hornet duZ
that will give him credit for on my
books, he alwuZ attends tew his OWL
Dizziness, and won't allow emmy boldly
else tew attend tew it, and what he duz
is always a good job, you never see
them altering anything, if they make
emmy mistakes it IL after dark, and AIM
seen.
If the hornets made half as many
plumbers az the men do, even with
their javelins; every boldly would laugh
at them.
Hornets are clear in another way
| they have found out, by trieing, thai
awl they kan git in this world, and
| brag on, IL their vitties, and clothes
and you never see one standin at thu
corner ov street, with twenty-si1
inch face on, because sum banker haG
run oph. and took their money will
| him.
In ending oph this essa, will cum t.
a stop by concluding that if the horne
was little more pensive, and not 81
darned peremptory with their javelins
they might be guilty of less wisdum
but more charity.
But you kant alter bug natur, with
out splicing it for anything else, enn,
more than you kan an elephants egg
Nesr York Weekty.
The New York Tribune tells us O
two brothers named Call, who wen
| into Knssufh c0unfv fnuva 6fxaay