Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1869-09-15
Matrimony rs n Science.

A new institution has lately sprung into
existence in our prolific country, and its
headquarters are in the staid city of Phila-
delphia- Its full title is Matrimonial De-
partment of the First Progressive Christian
Church in Philadelphia, and its motto is
''Let us search the world over, sitting the
wheat from the chat, thereby improving
the human race" The founders state that
''they consider matrimony the highest and
holiest function of the true church," and
therefore they have constructed a scheme
for reducing matchmaking to science and
precludlng In the future all the evils that
rise from random and hasty falling in love.
They issue confidential circular" which
gives the details of the scheme and in
structs seekers after the new science how to
avail Themselves of its advantages. There
is to be no D,ore meeting by the stile down
the lane, and catching the ague from fall
ing dews; no more rambles through wood
land paths of uncertain destination; no
more writing of ingenious notes, to run the
risk OF distortion and ridicule; no more
reading OF poetry together, with painful ef-
forts to admire what the mind refuses TO
dwell upon no more money wasted ON
concert tickets, bouquets and opera bon
nets; no more quoting of 'Jeannie Nor
rlson; no more sitting up o'nights, and
squandering oil and firewood; no more ne
cessity for absolute committal by timid
swain, or point blank refusal by tender
damsel; no more asking pa; no more break
neck elopements. All may now be done
with scientific accuracy, by the shortest
possible process. and at the least possible
expense Of money andfeeliugs. The "Mat-
rimonial Department of the First Progress
i've Christian Church" keeps a private book
of registry, which will contain the name,
address, temperament, conditions of health.
circumstances, position. business, age, re-
hgious faith, habit, desires, ETC., of each
applicant. The applicant for registry
must remit five dollars if a gentleman, and
three dollars if lady. Each is srequired to
fill ont blank form as to age, nativity, oc-
cupation, tastes, etc. and heavy punish
ment is threatened to any one who may
prove dishonest in this part of the matter.
Short lectures are given to applicants to
prepare their minds for ths solemn busi-
ness; and then begins the process of match
ing or elimination.
The clerks of the bureau take each case
and from the registered descrip-
ton attempt to find one of the opposite sex
that corresponds. When this has been
done, they are allowed to sec each others
photograph if they wish; but the pictures
are only numbered, and no clue is given to |
the names of the parties. Unless all is |
right, it goes no further, and q new match is |
sought for each; but if both applicants are |
pleased, an interview is arranged, and the |
rest is left to the natural promptings of the
heart, etc. When-a marriage results. the |
bureau expects present, in proportion to
the pecuniary ability Of the parties, though |
this is not required. Applicants who from
popularity of disposition or other circum-
stances apprehend difficulty in being suit
ed. or vho are in hurry to have the bust |
ness completed, may remit any sum from |
$40 to 500, and have it spent in advertis-
ing for their especial benefit-the bureau |
to find the proper partner if |
he Oh she exists on the earth.
OF course all this is very absurd and very
as every reader will say; and |
not Few will condemn it as horrible |
Irifling with sacred institution. But in |
truth 1t is only tho logical carrying out of
IN idea that exists fragmentarily in the |
minds of the majority of every good people.
We venture to say that no contemplated
was ever announced, but some
friends OF either party declared they could
have arranged better match, or
made careful inquiries as to age, ap-
pears~sce, income. ETC., and drew from
.hese circumstances the most confident
conclusions as to the wisdom or folly of the
Alliance. Nay more, there is probably not
,ne young person of manageable age in
he land for whom older friends have not
audibly or secretly, marriage
such rs would suit them, and wished to see
{ brought about, or opposed violently or
gently, one arranged without their assist
snce, and wished to see it fail. OF course
III this is very proper and considerate; but
when it is reduced to science and regu-
ated by bureau, it becomes absurd and
,acrllegious.