The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-08-19
Mt and Hat71a0r.

Ladies wear corsets from instinct-a natu-
raj love for being squeezed.
The man who was filled with emotion hasn't
room for dinner.
The lady who took everyhody's eye, must
have lot of 'cm.
Motto for rejected suito--He wooed,
and she wouldn't.
Come in out of the wet as the shark said,
when he swallowed the boy.
A philosopher has discovered that men
don't object to being overrated except by as
sesso,s.
Shifting the responsibility the
baby. ..p
Why is vain young lady like confirmed
drunkard? Because neither of them is salts
fed with the moderate use Of the glass.
In the language of flowers if you wish for
"heart's never look to g marri-gold."
aWell, Robert, how much did your pig
weigh % 1t didn't weigh as much as l ex-
pected, and | always thought it wouldn't
There is a man who labors under the delu
sion that " Hon." before mans name, stands
for honest. He ought to be in the museum.
A writer asks through the farmers De-
nartment of contemporary, if any one can
inform poor man the best way to start .
little nursery. Get married! (
A booty fellow was observed the other day,
driving :" poker" holding on to his tail, and
when asked what he was doing, replied that
he was Studying gehog-raphy,"' .,-
A minister at camp meeting said eff
lady with blue hat, red hair and cross eyes,
don't stop talking she will be pointed out to
the congregation
! The Boston Post thinks the poor quality of
the St Louis water is no argurgument against
the removal of the capital there, in view Of
the small quantity Congress drink.
Hard on the women-the old bach who
said the reason Adams mate was called Eve,
was because when she was formed, mans day
of happiness was drawing to close.
The concluding words Of a Mormon obitu-
airy notice at Utah, are very pathetic: F." He
leaves thirteen widows and ffty-four children
to mourn his loss.''
An itinerant, preaching on the Depravity
of the Age" said that the little children who
could neither speak nor walk, were to be seen
running about the streets cursing and swear
ing.
The Springfield Republican tells Of an ex-
traordinary youngster who does not want to
be the last angel God makes, because he wants
to see &c how he makes EN-" 5E
George Bagby is responsible for the follow
ing: ie.
Nanny" said precious little boy, who
against his will was made to rock the cradle
of his baby brother, C If the Lord has any
more babies to give away, don't you take EN-"
Among the obituary notices Of country
paper we recently noticed the following u
/" Mr.. William Saye Of our village, aged So
years. passed peacefully away on Tuesday
evening last, from single blessedness to mat
rimonial bliss, after short but sudden at
tack by Mrs. Lucretia Stoke, blooming wild
ow Of thirty fve.9
A few days ago recently married couple
spent a portion of their honeymoon at FASH
ionable hotel. The lady while at dinner was
observed to turn red and pale by turns At
length she whispered to her husband; els
my face dirty? Because that waiter in
sists on putting towel beside my plate. I've
thrown three under the table, and yet every
time he comes around he puts another before
me-"
In areligious excitement in Boston a per-
son met neighbor, who took him by the
hand and said:
IL have become Christian"
az am glad Of it, he replied Suppose
NC now have settlement of that little ac-
count between us. Pay me what thou owest."
$ ".No," said the new born child turning on
his heel religion is religion, and business
is business"
Two Irishmen stopping at the Island House,
Toledo, lit their gas, and with windows open,
sat down to enjoy chat. The hungricst of
Toledo mosquitoes soon focked in and drove
them desperate. The clerk, who was sum-
moned to devise some defence against them,
told them to close the windows and put out
the gas. They acted on the suggestion and
placed themselves between the Sheets just
as they began to doze, alightning bug, which
had straycd into the room, caught the eye of
one of the travellers. He reused his compan-
ion with punch. Jamie, Jamie, it's no
nse Here is one of the craturs sarehin' for
as wild lantern -