Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1869-10-20
amusing Paragraphs.

s Josh Billings says critics are like horn
cts, 'they never sting dead things
DR.. Cumming sent word to the Pope
that he was coming but Pho replied mono.
Why is bald-headed man like an an
gel? Because he wears a shining crown. ="
So?
Putting your arm around pretty girl
is what an exchange calls ''making waist
places glad" - 81.
Tits strange that the gold speculation
should derange business when there are SO
many that are willing to ''bear'' it.
An anxious inquirer whistles to know
if the frequent ''strjkes" last summer were
the cause of the heavy ''blows" this fall
An exchange says low necked shirts
are worn by fashionables in New York,
probably to be in keeping with their low
foreheads and low tastes zsaTa
The Utica Observer gives the following
Glove song, which it says was written by
an inmate of the State Lunatic Asylum IT
is a remarkable production:
Gaily the tiger cat tuned his guitar,
Serenading the magpe with feathers and tar.
Sweetly he sneezed at her, sourly he sighed;
Lady bird, lady bird, wilt be my bridei" a1r
She for the elephant sadly had pined,
Ate but an OK, and then vowed she hadn't
dined; .-. ........ d
Carried up a photograph closed to her heart,
Wrapped up in Holsters, bank notes and
plum tart.
At midnight the rivals met in the whale,
And fought by the light of the grasshopper's
The elephant stood on his trunk to take
BREATH
And the tiger cat costly hugged him to death
Then with cabbage-stalk boldly he wrote:
'tCome, love, and tread on the tail Of my coat;
See thine own crocodile whiStlup for thee
He groaned-gave gurgle-a cold corpse
was he. a'-...- ---
Mrs. Darlington has been reading the
health officers weekly reports, and thinks
''total" must be an awful malignant disease,
since as many die of it as all the rest put
together.
Josh Billings says: When / see an old
man marry a Young wife, l consider him
starting out on a bust, for [ am reminded
of the parable in the Bible, about new wine
and old bottles. .-..
At a church collection for missions the
preacher feelingly said, ''My good breth-
ren, let me caution those of you who put
III buttons not to break off the eye. 1t
spoils them for use.
-''You had better lay in your coal soon, - :
said Spiggles' wife to him the other night
giles obeyed. He came home intoxicated
and laid in his coal all night.
One of Judys Scotch contributors
says he has no notion how much Mrs,
Beecber Stowe may have got for her arti-
Gle on Lord Byron, but it IS pretty certain
that she has made "DeiP' out of him.
The prayer of a Wall street broker
Now ! lay me down to sleep,
Smashed up in little heap,
II [ should die before [ wake,
I'd never "bulF another stake
"A Scotch professor in his walks about
Aberdeen, met we'll known habitue OF
the town, of weak intellect. 'tPray" said
the professor, accosting him, chow long
can person live without brains?" 81 dinna
ken" said Jenny, scratching his head,
show auld are ye yerself?" 2"
An African gentleman saw, over gro
Gerry store, inscribed, sugar cured hams
He entered the place and asked the price
He solicited and obtained permission to
smell q shank. Having done this, he
abruptly turned to leave. 'Don't you
want any of that ham," said the grocer.
''Well, no boss was the reply. "Der
sign reads sugar cured ham, dat ar hams
sick yet; my advice to you is to change de
medicine"
Mr.. John Swinton, for ten or twelve
years one Of the editors of the New York
Times, the conductor of its noted "Minor
Topics" column, and the trusted personal
and confidential friend Of Governor Ray
mond, has just resigned his position on that
journal. ..
METAL TIPPED SHoEs.-Shoes are an i'm
portant item in the expense of clothing
children, as every parent will understand
They invariably wear out their shoes at the
toe first and not unfrequently before the
other parts are a quarter worn. Chlldrens
shoes with Metal tips never wear out at the
! toe, and it is safe to say that ON an average
| one pair with them will more than out-Wear
three pairs without them. We believe all
the shoe dealers keep them.-Herdd.
"A lady fell in Detroit the other day in
| an attack of vertigo, and was nearly
| strangled by herartifieial teeth falling into
her throat, before the cause was discovered
and removed.
Brigham Young weighs 200 pounds,
and his wives weigh over 6, 900 pounds