North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1869-11-17
Mark Twain on Mr.. Bcecher.


The Rev. Henry Ward Beecher's private
habits are the subject of Mark Twain's
latest contribution to the Buffalo Erpress.
The whole article is extremely funny, but
that portion which relates to Mr.. Beech
cr's farming experience is in the humor-
lists most extravagant vein, and quite
equal to his best efforts. 1t is as follows !:
"Mr. Beecher's farm consists of thirty
six acres, and is carried on, on strict sci
entifc principles. He never puts in any
part of crop without consulting his
book. He plows and rcaps and digs and
sows according to the best authorities
and the authorities cost more than the
other farming implements do. As soon as
the library is complete, the farm will begin
to be profitable investment. But book
farming has its drawbacks. Upon one
occasion, when it seemed morally certain
that the hay ought to be cut, the hay book
could not be found-and before it was
found it was too late, and the hay was all
spoiled. IL IL
"Mr. Beecher raises some of the finest
crops of wheat in the country, but the
| unfavorable difference between the cost Of
producing it and its market value after il
| is produced has interfered considerably
with its success as commercial enter
prise. His special weakness is hogs,
however. He considers hogs the best
game farm. produces. lie buys the
original pig for dollar and halt, and
feeds him forty dollars worth of corn, and
then sells him for about nine dollars
This is the only crop he ever makes any
money on. He loses on the corn, but hi
makes seven dollars and half on the
hog. lie does not mind this, because hi
never expects to make anything on corn
anyways. And any way it turns out, hi
has the excitement of raising the hog
anyhow, whether he gets the worth of him
or not. His strawberries would be com
| Portable success if the robins would cal
turnips, but they wont, and hence the
difficulty.
zone of Mr.. Beecher's most harassine
difficulties in his farming operations comes
| of the close resemblance of different sorts
| of seeds and plants to each other. Two
years ago, his far sightedness warned him
that there was going to be great scarcity
of water melons, and therefore he put in
crop Of twenty-seven acres of that fruit.
But when they came up they turned out
to be pumpkins, and dead loss was the
consequence. Sometimes portion of his
crop goes into the ground the most prom
Using sweet potatoes, and comes up the
infernalist carrots-though never have
heard him express it just in that way.
When he bought his farm, he found one
egg in every hens nest on the place. He
said that here was Just the reason why so
many farmers failed-they scattered their
forces too INSTRUMENTATION was the
idea. So he gathered those eggs together
and put them all under one experienced
old hen. The hen roasted over that con-
tract night and day for eleven weeks,
under the anxious personal supervision Of
Mr.. Beecher himself, but she could not
phase those eggs. Why? Because they
were those infamous porcelain things
which are used by ingenious and fraudu'
lent farmers as nest eggs But perhaps
Mr.. Beecher's most disastrous experience
was the time he tried TO raise an immense
crop of dried apples. He planted fifteen
hundred dollars worth, but never one
OF them sprouted. lie has never been
able to understand to this day, what was
the matter with those apples"
Mark Twain concludes his sketch with
a glowing eulogy, in which humor gives
place to genuine admiration. "He has
set his mark upon his epoch," says Mr..
Clemens, land years hence, when the
people turn over the bales and bundles of
this generations ideas, they will find II.
w. b. stencilled on good many of
them"