The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1869-07-15
Editorial ShOrt.StraMS:s.

block and see how much he would bring?
1t has been discovered that the tide Of
Black Sea is soaking the mails of the Post
Offices.
Secretary Borie has given our war vessels
some very silly names. Why don't he name
one of them Borie-dss
General Grants speech in Boston was
just quarter of minute long. It is said
to be as eloquent as brief
They had strawberries in Chicago so
large that they had to hang them up by their
hind-lcgs and quarter them.
"A calf has been born in Connecticut
with human face. Plenty of that kind in
Washington
Grant is a general patron; he roots
round for obscure merit, and is sure to bring
to light some one who nobody ever heard Of
1t is proposed to change the name of
California to New China. The 'scelcstials''
are overrunning the entire pacific coast.
Gen. Butler says ''it is always best to
take things as we find them" The Beast
should have added, 'and if valuablc-pockct
them"
An cnterprizing citizen of Georgia is
shipping alligators to New York. They will
be returned to us IN cans labelled "picklcd
salmon" ,s-laf -. 49,. sf- II s =
An inexperienced damscl at Pittsburg
came near putting an end to herself She arose
from her bed and blew out-her brains p
no, the gas.
"A Portland Advertiser correspondent
says Of Grant that che has seen better days"
True-and we saw better days before he came
into the Presidency.
1.-THE Flea" is the name of semi
monthly journal published in Jacksboro,
Texas. The editor is, doubtless, sucker,
land writes biting articles.
The work of removing the. distractions
Fat He'll Gate, N. Y. has been resumed 1t is
lcxpected that a free passage will be had for
the government functionaries before many
months.
I The negro clerks of the post-ofice, Col
umbia, $. G. take so long to read the address
es of letters, that the departing mail has to
go off before the new mail is assorted
Where's the shuze marms?
| Sheridan, Kansas, contains fifty houses
forty-three of them are whiskey shops Il
is said that the people are all spiritual mcdi
ums, and make rye faces at each other.
| -Beecher evidently believes that Heaven
| is not place of rest, for he says:
"Heaven is not place where the inmates
| do nothing but stand around great white
throne with harps in their hands, and sing
psalms" !.
| THE great bill against the Government
/ Of 100000, for cable dispatches has been
| paid, and charged to the State Department
Why didn't. the State Department. get out a
life-insurance to that amount and then dis
patch itself?
The energy Of the Harrisonburg ;Ozo
Commonwealth is shown in the fact that he
issued his journal 36 hours before the CLOSING
Of the polls at the late election. The oh
Commonwealth was the. paper looked to 70,
the returns from the Valley, and might have
given Eastern Virginia the earliest intelli
| gcnce.
I Henry Montgomery, an English actor
has just played in London and Dover, sepa.
rated by 80 miles Of railroad. on the same
evening This is the greatest instance Of
playing part on record Exchange
i Nothing new in this. Harry Jarrett man
| aged to play his whole company at Baltimore
and Washington on Ahe same night. On
several occasions actors have managed to play
in New York and Philadelphia on the same
night.
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