The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1869-01-08
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- What secret is that which may
be warranted to keep i'll any climate ?
A woman's age. 9s3
The young poet whose feelings
were wrought UP" has been Unable to
renew his stock. i.
-,"Whose son are you, my little
boyP" 81 amt nobodv's son; I'm Mr..
Thompson's nephew, sir. "
1870 quack advertises compound
that will cure everything, from bad
character to bad temper.
An author ridiculing the idea of
ghosts, asks how a dead man can get
into locked room. Probably with
skeleton-key. ~
Two cousins, named Cricket,
were married, last week, in Jefferson
county. We are opposed to such crick-
ct matches. ar
-P Persons who ascend together in
balloon may be the best friends in the
world at starting; but rarely fail dur
Ing their trip, to have high words, and
come to hard blows. f
- You may wish to get wife with
out \ falling; but what If the lady. af-
ter you find her, happens to be in want
OF husband of the same character.
- The entire assets of recent
creditors acted magnanimously and let
him keep them. -a
= swell, Mr.. Tree, if you're about
to leaue, l shall detan your tranlc." ex-
Hlaimed an incensed landla1y to her
Ndger, who was slightly in arrears.
-"What branch of education do
you have chiefly in your school?" A
willow branch, sir; the master has us
ed almost whole tree"
"A Mr.. Door has declined cbal-
lenge In Missouri. He says he will
slight under no circumstances. He is
no battle door.
-Gaff e, lady "chickcn," and ten
to one she is angry. Tell her she is
''no chicken" and twenty to one she is
angrier.
- Young surgeons should not
g-umble because they find It difficult to
get into practice. They will be Ger
tain to succeed if they only have pa
tients.
- A locomotive on Western rail-
road has beer adorned with the title,
81 still live" That is more than ma
ny OF TIE passengers can say, at the end
of their journey.
- 4 Yankee paper, in describing a
shipwreck, says that ''the mate of the
vessel, who was the only survivor OF
the crew, found himself cast upon All
uninhabited island, ,cithout shilling In
his pocket!"
"A man who was arrested TO,
stealing goods at Il fire the other day
pleaded in excuse for an extenuatiOn
of his conduct, that he had been in the
place but few days, and hadn't learnt
the rules.
A miller haG his neighbor arrest
under the charge of stealing wheat from
his mil; but being unable to substan-
tiate the charge by proof, the court adj
Judged that the miller should make an
apology to the accused. "Well," SAID
he, 81 have had you arrested for steal.
ing my wheat--I can't prove it-and
am sorry for t.. ..H.
- An old lady was asked what she
thought of one of her neighbors of the
name of Jones, and with a knowing
wink replied, "Why, don't ike to say
anything about my neighbors but a:
to Mr.. Jones, sometimes 1 think, ant
then again, don't know; after all,
rather glless he'll turn out to be good
deal such sort of man take him tt
be-
ti - cote, the wit and comedian
was talking away one evening at a din
ner-table of I man of rank, when, II
the point of one of his best stories, on,
OF the party, who was rival wit, in
terrupted him suddenly with an air o
most considerable apology 81 beg you
pardon, Mr.. Foote, but your handker
chief is half way ont of your pocket. -
"rhank you, sir," said Foote, replacin.
II; You know the company better thai
do" and finished his joke, leaving hi
rival quite distinguished. ..'