The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1869-09-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

A good thing to be out of-debt.
Cooks often steak their reputation.
To ascertain the weight of horse-put your
toe under the animals foot.
Beans are entering into politics, as they are
seen running towards the poles.
The bachelor has to look out for number one;
the married man for number two.
"Sic su,a Z" said an invalid Frenchman in re-
ply to friendly inquiry If he were i'll.
To what color does flogging change boys
complexion 1t makes him yell "ohp
If young woman's disposition is guppowder,
the spark should be kept away from her.
piece of work no printer ever yet turned
up his nose at-the proof of the pudding
Why is Gen. Grants family like an old tin
pail Because there are SO many Dents in 1T.
"What little childp said friend. "Ah r'
replied Hood, "his parents never made much of
him.
What becomes of all the pins that are drop
ped upon the ground? They become terrapins,
OF course.
1t is worthy of remark that two Cinnamon
should have been in business so many years
without breaking.
hand-bill has been put forth at Exeter,
headed, Wanted, few healthy men to COM
plete sick society" -
Sidney Smith compares the whistle of loco
motive to the squeal of an attorney when the
devil first gets hold of him.
"Who took care of the babies 7" artlessly in
quired little girl, on hearing her mother say
that all people were once children.
DWELL, what is it that causes the sadness of
the ocean ~ inquired a teacher of a bright
little boy. "The Goldfish" was the reply.
loving wife writes home from Long Branch,
"The horrid surf stops my mouth" " Brute of
husband replies, Bring some of it home
with You"
Prentice's last is his most cruel This is it :
Of all the Presidents of the United States,
Grant undoubtedly bears the palm-but it Is
an itching one.
A writer asks, through theFarmers' Depart
ment of q contemporary, if any one can inform
q poor man the best way to start a little mar
sery. Get married.
A reporter describes suicide as follows
4" He laid himself down, and shot himself with
his big toe" 1t is suggested that the weapon
was loaded with nails.
were abroad ?" asked a lady of a travelled cock
ney. "Oh yes, we dined with them frequent
7 ly," was tho ready reply.
A lady in paroxysm of grief was said tc
have shed torrents of tears. Poor thing ~ re-
marked an unfeeiing punster, 4" she must have
had q cataract in each eye"
| coxcomb told q lady that he knew hel
thoughts by her eye. DO your said she
/" then am sure you will keep them a secret
for they are by no means to your advantage
"You speak French wonderfully" said &
| Frenchman to young snob who was airing
his accomplishments before him. "You have
not re least accent; mean re least French &C
| cent" 49,. d.. & -S-...'-'
"What do you call this 7" said Jones, tap
ping his breakfast lightly with his fork. Gal
| it." snarled the landlord, "what do you call it |?
''Well, really" said Jones, ~ don't know. 1
hasn't quite hair enough in it for plaster, bu
there's little too much for hash"
my friend" said the Rev. Sidney Smith t,
n cobbler, who was mending his shoe, when tn
great wit was poor curate in Gloucestershire
! "you remind me of the sacred ordinance o
al
" Because you bind two soles together in unity.
"What makes you get up so late sir ~ SAT-
a father to his son, who made his appearance
at the breakfast table about 10 o'clock. " Late
| Why, father, was up with the lark" '"W We'll
then, sir, for the future don't remain up so Ion
with the lark, but come down n little earlier t
breakfast"
An individual lately sued lately sued
lady for breach of promise. Her friends otfere
to settle for two hundred dollars. "What
he cried, 1.-TWO hundred dollars for RUNE
hopes. shattered mind, a blasted life, and
bleeding hearth Never, never, never! Max
it three and it's n bargain"
A barrister, noted for his absence of minC
was once witnessing the representation c
Macbeth, and on the witch's replying that the
were doing deed without n name," catchin
the words, he started up, exclaiming to tn
astonishment of the audience, "a deed withou
q name! Why, it's not worth a sixpence."
An old Baptist minister, says the Religion
Herald, enforced the necessity of difference
opinion by this argument: Now II eTerybod
had been of my opinion, they would all haV
wanted my old woman" One of the deacon
who sat just behind him, responded, " Yes, an
if everybody was of my opinion, nobody wOul
have her.
H." What's the price of this silk :" inquire
, deaf old lady of young shopman "Seve
l shillings," was the reply Seventeen shi
Seven shillings, maam is the price of til
i silk" replied the honest shopman. !" Oh! seve
. shillingsp rejoined the old lady, "Pl give yo
( fve."
, Tales Of My OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES she was vel
I i'll. Even the doctor ventured to say that
9 despaired of her recovery. "Then leave me
she said to him, ait Is my only chance" In thrt
. DAYS she was convalescent.
{ 9 Rich and poor" said philosophic gues
i dictatorily, "are only comparative terms
9 "Indeed" said my grandmother, Il shoul
+ like to be a beggar with five thousand year
2 She could hate intensely. A parson heariI
# her express strong sentiments about her en-
Q mics, addressed her thus: My dear madar
y you must recollect that we are taught in Scri
e ture to forgive and forget" &" There's not sut
II a sentiment in the Bible" she replied, taking
Q sweet pinch and dwelling on it. Tho clerg
s man considered, and then went home to fiji