Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-10-29
ggnul0tons.

IT is fitting that limbs Of the law should be
clothed in breeches of promise.
| WHAT kind of sweatmeats did they have IN
the ark? Preserved pairs.
WREy a maiden gets married she ends
miss spent life.
BABIES are the coupons attached to the
bonds of matrimony. The interest is due at
random.
A reason why piano was not saved at a
fire was because none of the fremen could
play on It.
A pork butchers sign in French proyin-
eial city reads &c Batta, Jr., slaugbters hogs
ike bis father
WiFE-'I don't think, husband, that you
are very smart. ''No, indeed, wife. but
every body knows that am awfully shrewd."
.WoH'r you take half of this poor apple?
said pretty damseI ''No, thank you,
would prefer better half" Eliza blushed
and referred him to papa.
A girl at Saratoga was just getting out Of
the window at her hotel, to fall into the arms
of her Adolphus, when her Grecian bend
struck the bell handle, alarming the house.
A pedagogue was about to fog pupil for
calling him a fool, when the boy cried out,
Oh! doot don't won't call you so any
more-I never viii say what think again.
JoHNyY is just beginning to learn geography.
He saws that the Poles live partly at one end
Of the globe and partly at the other. He
knows it is SO because it is marked on the map.
LITTLE Norward came into the room where
his mother had just hung up clean curtain,
aud made the astute observation, 30, ma,
the window has got on a clean shirtl'
WnES Milton was blind, he was married to
a shrew. Some oae told him she was rose.
Il am no judge of coIors," said Milton
''and it may be so, for feel the thorns
daily"
PAPA-"How is It, Alice, that YOU never
get prize at school?'' Mamma-"And that
your friend Louisa Sharp, gets so many ~
Alice (innocently)-"Ab Louisa Sharp has
got such clever parents"
The last circus trick in Paris is for a man
to leap from height of eighty feet, being
fastened by long elastic cord, and to bound
back again to the place from which he start
! ed
Tbs papers relate an anecdote of a beauti-
ful young lady, who had become blind, having
recovered her sight after marriage. 1t is no
uncommon thing for peoples eyes to be open
ed by matrimony.
AN intelligent gentleman from Germany,
on his first visit to an American church, had
a contribution box with hole in the top pre-
sented to him, whispered to the collector, 81
don't got mein bapers, and can't vote"
If you carve turkey and it should be
tough, and slip off the dish through your
| awkwardness, and it falls into lady's Ian. it
is reckoned polite to make bow and say,
PLEASE, ma'am, may trouble you for that
turkey again ~
TIE way the young Partisan breaks an
engagement he is getting tired with is to
mail his lady note saying; 81 know all
Adieu." Usually there is enough to be
known, if he doesn't know it, and no fuss is
made
walter" said fastidious gentleman, ex-
hibiting singular looking object Oh the soup.
Iaddle. ''Waiter, do you know what that is,
sir ~ "That, sir, looks Ikea mouse, sir.
We often find them in the soup, sir. No ex-
ira charge, sir.
A LITTLE girl was very fond Of preaching to
her dolls. Her mother one day heard her
repFoying one of them for being SO wicked.
'Oh, you naughty, sinful child you'll 90
to the lake Of birthstone, and you won't burn
up-you'u just sizzlep'
A Boston philanthropist visiting the State
prison, remarked 70 prisoner, ''rnost of your
friends think your sentence excessive; moth.
ing Ike it was ever known
Yes, suppose so,'' was the reply; '.but,
then, you know, everything has gone up since
the war;
At church in Essex, England, lately, the
clerk, feeling unweli, asked his friend, the
railway porter, to take his place for Sun
day. He did so, but being worn ont with
night-work fell asleep. When the hymn was
announced, a neighbor gave him nudge,
upon which he started up, rubbing his eyes,
and called out, "Chauge here for Elmswel.
Thurston, and Bury! -
How TO CoURT IN CHURcH. A young gentle
man visiting Germantown some six months
ago happening to sit at church, in pew ad-
joining one in which sat young lady for
whom be conceived sudden and violent at
tschment, was desirous of entering into
courtship on the spot, but the place not being
suitable for formal declaration. the case
suggesting the following plan He politely
handed his fair neighbor Bible opened, with
pin stock in the following text: Second
Epistle of John, verse 5-"And / beseech
thee, not as though wrote new command.
ment unto thee, but that which we had from
the beginning, that we love one another
She returned it, pointing to the second
chapter Of Ruth, tenth verse. ''Then she fell
on her face, and bowed herselfto the ground.
and said to him: Why have found grace in
thine eyes, seeing am stranger?"
He returned the book, pointing to the
thirteenth chapter of the Third Epis,le of
John :-''H Having many things to write unto
you, | would not write with pen and ink, but
| trust shortly to come unto you and speak
face to face that our joy may be full"
( From the above interview a marriage took
place the ensuing week.
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