The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1869-10-28
THE RACCOON.
By JOSH BILLINGS.

The RaccOOn IL a resident ov the Uni
ted States ov America; he emigrated few
this country soon after its discovery by
Columbus, without cent, and nothing
but hiz claws tew get living with.
He IL one ov them kind ov persons
whoze hide IL worth more than all the
rest ov him.
He resides among the heavy timber,
and culhvates the cornfelds and nabring
garden sess for sustenance, and under
stands hiz bizzness.
Hiiz family consists ov wife and three
children, who liv with him on the inside
ov tree.
lie can alwus be found at home during
the day, reddy tew receive calls. but his
nights are devoted to looking after hiz
own affairs
lie dresses in soft fur, and hiz tail.
which IL round, haz rings on it.
Thee nngs are ov the same material
that the tail IL, and are worn upon all
occasions.
During the winter he ties himself up
INTO hard not and lays down by hiz fire.
side.
When spring opens, he opens, and goes
out tew see how the chickens hav wintered.
Hiz life IL az free from labor az a new
penny, and if it wasn't for the dogs and
the rest ov mankind, the raccoon would
ind what everybody else haz lost--a heav-
en- upon earth.
But the dogs tree him and the men
skin him, and what there IL left ov him
amt worth a cuss.
He IL not a natural vagabond like the
hedgehog and the alligator, but luvs to
be civilized and liv among folks; but he
haz one vice that the smartest missionary
ON earth kant redeem, and that il the art
Wv stealing
He IL seekond only tew the crow in
petty larceny. and viii steal what he kant
eat nor hide.
lie Will tip over barrel ov apple sass
Just for the fun ov mauling the sass with
hlz feet, and viii pull out the plug ov the
mollassls not bekase he luvs sugar envy
better than he doz young duck, but list
tew see If the mollassis haz got a good
daub to it.
l hav studded animal deviltry for
eighteen years, bekause the more deviltry
In an animal, the more human he IL.
cant ind, by searching the passen-
- ISL IAAI ANOSah nau coon on board.
nut am willing few bet 10 pounds ov
muttoI sasSage that mister coon and hiz
wife committed, by setaling ride.
L never knu a raccoon tew want ennv-
thing long that he could steal Quick.
Emmy body, who haz ever looked a coon
right square in the face, win her Won .
dollar that he il a dead baat. or 1nJe-
five hundred dollars bonds, not few eo
into bizzness for the next ninety DAYS.
/ hev had tame coons by the dozens.
they are az cay tew tame az child. if
w take them young enUff, but kant adj
wise ennybody to cultivate coons, they
want az much looking after az blind
mule ON a tow path, and thare amt emmy
more profit in them than thar liz In q
stock dividend on the Erie Railroad.
L never wuz out ov pet animal since
l ken remember, till now, but hav gone
out ov the trade forever lately dis
covered that it waz a good deal like ma
king whissell out ov kats tale. ruin
ing comfortable tale, and roaming
kursid mean whissell.
Raccoons iv tew be 65 years old If thew
miss the sosiety ov men and doos enuH |
but thare amt but few ov them die oy |
old age; the northwestern fur csmnanv
are the great undertakes oy the coon |
family.