Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1869-09-09
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WY S*AN CSW@*f~H'
To keep your doors from being broker
open by burglars, don't close them.
When is butterfly like kiss ? Wher
it alights on tulips.
.'These notes enliven me-" as tht
gentleman said GA receiving remittance
Many people drop tear at distress
who would do better to drop sixpence
The reason hat the world is not reform
ed is, because everybody would have
others make beginning and thinks not
Of himself.
Some ungenerous biped has a patent
medicine to make fellow raise early in
the morning. A correspondent says a
-six,nonth's old baby can beat it to death
did you know" said cunning Gen.
tile to a Jew, ''that they hang Jews and
jackasses together in Portland % In
decd p retorted Solomon, eden it ish veil
dat you and ish not dere'
An eccentric beggar thus laconically ad.
dressed lady ; Will you. madam. give
mes drink of water, for I anu so hungry
I don't know where to stay tonight -
We doubt whether more meaning could
sbe embodied in SO few words.
A Chicago girl broke off her engage
.ment with man for the reason that he
sneezes in his sleep If it wouldn't be
impertinent, we would like to know how
she found it out.
A German shoemaker who had UNDER
taken to make pair of boots for gentle
man of whose financial integrity he had
considerable doubt. replied, when asked
for the article: Der poots is not quite
done, but der heel ish now made out"
VACCINATION. &c don't believe it's
any use this vaccination said Yankee
Il had q child vaccinated and he fell
out of the vindo a week arter and got
killed"
A minister annoyed his congregation
by constantly referring to the Apostle Paul
and asking the question, where then,
shall we put him p At last an elderly
gentleman arose and said. GAS T am
going home you may put him in my pew
A musician, whose nose had become
distinctly colored with the red wine he
was wont to imbibe, said one day to his
little SON a. the table: "You must eat
bread, my boy, bread makes your cheeks
red" The little boy replied: Father,
what lots of bread you must have snuffed
up"
Judy gives this conversation Magis-
.trate-"Well Patrick, what have you to
say about stealing the pig 2" Patrick
Well, yer honnor-r, ye see, it was jist
this: The pig TUX upon him to shlee o
in my bit of garden for three nights,
yer honnor-r, and I jist sayzed him for
the rint %
A party of young Americans were
standing in front of an ancient saddler s
shop, kept by one Hans. Dutchma n
,Thinking to have little sport with the
German, one of them opened the door
and addressed him.
L say. Mr. Kraut, have you any
saddles for dogs?
Yaw COON in unit dry Won on
A few days since a Waterbury co.,
lawyer returned to the railroad agent at
that place one dollar overpaid him in ma
king change. For a moment the agent
stood sleecbless then, as the tears pour
ed down his cheeks he grasped him by
the hand and exclaimed: please stand
still one moment, sir, and let me look at
you-and lawyer, too =
A Coop SHoT.-A gentleman remark
ing in tavern that he had shot a hawk
at ninety yards 9th No. 6 shot, another
replied:
Unjust have had good gun, but Uncle
Dave here has one that beats it,"
''AE," said the first how far will it
kill hawk with No. 6 shot p
"a don't use shot or ball either" an
.swered Uncle Dave himself.
"Then what do you use, Uncle Dave?"
81 shoot salt altogether. I kill my
game SO far with my gun that the game
would spoil before l could get it."
4 TouGH STORY. The other evening
in our private crib, there was learned
dissertation. subject, 'Bedbuds and their
remarkable tenacity of life One assert
ed Of his own knowledge that they could
be boiled and then come to life. Some
had cooked them for hours in turpentne
without any fatal consequences. Old
Hankes, who had been listening as an
outsider here gave in his experience in
corroboration of the facts. Says he,
Some years ago, I took a bedbug to
foundry. and dropping it into a ladle
where the melted iron was, had it run into
q skillet. Well, my old woman used
that skillet pretty constant for the last
six years, and here the other day she
broke it all to smash, and what do you
think, gentlemen, that are insect just
walked out of his hole where he'd been
laying like a frog in rock, and made
tracks for his old roost up stairs But
added he, by way of parenthesis. "by
George. gentlemen, he looked mighty