Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1869-01-30

January g. ih50. J
The undersignedhsz made great leap. lie
located in Moo York in pursoOance OF an lice
wich he hez cherished long. Ills career in
Moo York wuz brilliant, eff IL wuz short. II
lastid twenty-four consecutive hours. that bein
the average length Nv time a honst man kin
exist in that city One OF the classic potts
speeks NV the awkwardnis NV bcin in hell
without claws-hed he substitOoted Moo York
for hell he wood NV hit IL closer.
The citizens Nv the cerner he'd q consulta.
ton ez to wat wus TO be dun with me wen A.
johnson shood shuttle orf the mortal coil NV
offishal life. broacht TO em my ice NV goin
TO Moo York, to wich they accedcd with mn
alacri!y wich wuz not so complimentary ez il,
mite hev bin. | thOt l detectid in ther eager..
mis- to pervide for me at a distance more NV a
desire TO git rid NV me than solssitood for
my well bein. Indeed when Deekin Pogram
askt, "wher shel We FIX himy" Bascom Onfeel-
ingly remarkt, nywhcr-anywhcr!" But
sich is life. Republics hev alluz bin ongrate-
full. Homer begged his bread and A. johnson
wuzn't nomipatid for the Presidency by the
Dimocrisy.
When / statid that desired TO 90 to Moo
York, and that all that preventid il wuz capi-
tai enuf to start grosery, Bascom TO wunst
remarked that that shOodent stand i'm the way
II mite ez well give yOO two barrs to
wunst" said lie, land be done with it, ez to
hev yoo prolong il a nip at time for six
months. Indeed, il wood he more economical.
ez it wood save me labor NV drawin NV it, |
give two barrls NV whisky TO git rid uv-that
Is, to establish-our friend in a moo fecld NV
labor.
McPelter and Pennibaker contributed money
enuff to pay the freight onto the likker and TO
peryidc the necessary fixters for bar, and that
mite left the corners hopin never TO he COM
pell I'd 10 return But feclin the truth NV the
proyerb that there's many a slip atwixt the
aVH ha in | NJ d..
but lockt 1t, havin directed the boy Who car
RIGS the mail to leave Dcekin Pograms paper
ut his house.
On my way to Moo York indulged in the
most pleasin dreams. iancied myself behind
my own bar-gitin my own likkcr at whole
sale-uv hcvin back room into wich eau
cusses sbOod be held-bevin q sufficient run
NV Liznis, and the consckent control NV enuff
votes to be OH speekiD terms with Governor
Hoffman and Mayor Hall; NV bcin nominated
for Alderman; NV buildin n house onto Fifth
AvenOo, and bcin ginOoine Moo York aristo-
crat; NV hevin my Garage with the coat NV
arms NV the Nasby family onto the panels; NV
goin to Congris in the place Wv Morriscy; and
so OH. 1t wuz lovely dream, but l wuz des-
tined TO a sad awakenin.
l rentid O grosery store in convenient cor
ner in the 9th ward, and put over it in bold
letters the legend Michael O'Nasby," with the
harp wich wunst tlro Tara's halls its sole NV
moosic shed, paintid conspicuous, and bein a
troo Amerikn l he'd the green flag NV ould
Ireland psiniid rite abuv the Stars and Stripes.
! In two days | wuz ready for biznis. My
establishment lookt well. he'd my two barls
conveniently mounted; he'd thirty glassis in
pan; and plate NV crackers back NV en-
for show merely, for no one yoosis EN- in the
9th ward.
In the mean time he'd made many pleasant
acquaintance. Two Aldermen and four or
| five gentlemen cnnnpcted with the ri tv INV
ernment he'd lookt in and interdoost heirselves
and expresst themselves pleased at my coming.
Bein stranger in the city they gave me some
valuable I'D, ice.
"The first thing to do" sed one NV EN-, "is
to make acquaintance. would suggest that
you hcv formal openin. We will, eff the
idea strikes you, take the trouble to invite a
few friends in, say to mite, to save you trouble,
that you may establish yoorself Is it a goY'
Overjoyed, l remarkt, certainly" Fatal
remark! That remark, short ez it wuz, wuz
my undooin. My friends come and with en-
their friends, TO the number NV thirty | re-
jOist wen / saw en-. There wusn't whole
pair NV pants in the party and a more gorgeous
assortment NV noses these eyes never restid
onto. Every man NV em wuZ a stanch Demo
krat, and cZ they loOkt at them freshly tapt
barls, they swore eternal love for me-
Wv course | invited them to take drink,
wich inyitashen wuz responded to with great
alacriiy.
My friends the Aldermen, immeictly insisted
that the party drink with them. JoyfuIy
sot out the tumblers, the Aldermen drinkin out
| Nv tin cup, with the remark that they NuZn't
! proud. The cup held morn three tumbcrs.
lmmejetly, one Nv the gentlemen who wuz
connected with the city government remarkt,
''set en- upp wich did they insistin that
friends insisted that it wuz his time, then an
other, and another, and another. BY this time
l wuz off my balance Bascom he'd not
| watered the whisky, suppOsin / knew cnuif
about keepin bar TO do il, and he'd not done
it, sposin that Nv course he he'd done it. In
my frenzy l invited EN- to take suthn, and
then l lost conscousns. The rest seems to
me like horrid dreem. / remember tranti'
cally insistin on everybody drinkin with me
| remember the crowd kept CROWN bigger and
bigger; the Aldermen and two NV The gentle
men connected with the city government
vaulted behind the bar and acid ez dispensers
| hevin rolled conveniently under the bar, and
then conshusnis left me.
|
| awoke in the mornin-I alluz debut wal
| an awakenin! The doors wuZ open; there
wuz not a drop NV likker in the house; the
friends, the Aldermen, and the gentlemen con
| nected with the city government, he'd stolen
| the tumblers, the 'barrils, and all the move
ables in the institooshen, leaviB it ez bare ca
the treasury Wuz after bOOkanan retired IRON
offs! They even stole the sign over the dooi
and the stove out NV the room, my boots, ha
and coat.
EZ matter NV course l coodent start agin
l not only he'd no whisky, but he'd nothin te
pour it out into. ! wuz bustid. My openir
wuz altogether loo gorgeous. 1t wood hey
answered he'd possessed the capital to star
agin but that lacked. Agin / wuz aooreC
for want NV means. Agin my impecuniositS
prevcntid me from making rise in the world
How long, oh, how long, shel t~be thu
hamperedY
skN never divulge how got back to th'
Corners. l shel never wiring the publik buz
zum with narrashen NV the trials and trublet
NV that long walk! / shel never recount how
l wuz ANONYMOUSLY tumbled off NV cars, how
he'd 10 gobblo at free lunches, ct settry
rSufflse II to say got home at last.
But l shel not stay here. My failyoor II
Moo York shel not deter me. i shell go bacl
there. With sich constituency at one
back, and so much wealth to tax-it must be
good field for me. shel try it agin.
PETROLEUM V. NAsBY, p. NJ.
(Which is Postmaster)