The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1869-01-23
Mr.. Punch and General Grant.

'sMR. PRESIDENT ULYSSES GRANT of
the United States Of America, congratulate
you, sir, and the great American Nation, upon
your election to the throne Of King George
Washington, and, in this goblet Of driest
champagne, wish you a merry Christmas
and happy reign" said Mr.. Punch.
'Festive cuss ]" said General Grant,
smiling.
"Your name, my Ulysses" said Mr.. Punch.
pensively, appears to me to be of good
augury for yourself and country"
"Defy omens."
"Man of brevity (Which is the soul Of WITT.
net to say Of silence (Which is golden), you
are right.
And l, too, hold her Generals blade
Columbias omen and her aid.
Nathless, 0dysseus, a pleasing coincidence
meriteth notice. There be points in the his
tory OF your classic namesake which West
Polntsman will recall, and which somewhat
adumbrate your own history"
estate 'em."
"Sir, thus. You did not desire to be en-
ployed in war, but like the King of Ithaca,
when engaged, you showed the utmost saga
city, activity, and valor."
''Too brown to blush"
''There is no need. Nextly, happier than
some heroes, you were universally applauded
by your countrymen, and rewarded with the
arms Of Achilles; that is, the most exalted
military honor in the nations gift.''
"Good again ~
"Ulysses, sir, was famous in connection
with the horse. He valiantly carried away the
horses of Rhesus, and he invented the horse
that took Troy. think, sir, that you are
great authority in the matter of horses"
Health, old hoss ~
"Thanks. Then, sir, in steering for the
wished-for shore, find that you stopped your
ears to all Siren blandishment, did your best
toprevent Windbags from blowing your YES
sci wrong, and escaped safely from republican
ScyllS and democratic Charybdi
'Classic cuss ~
"Again, sir, find in your peculiarly wise
dealing with the shoals OF hungry beggars for
office, the antitype of Ulysses smashing the
| Suitors.''
"Blow EN- !"
Further, sir, you have given lesson to
the Cyelops, or one-eyed people, who can see
but one side OF question, and forget that a
King, or President, must rule for all. That
lesson was given by hot pole, and there was
never hotter poll than at your election"
"Playful cuss 10
"But, sir, your greatest similitude, save
one, is in the fact that, like the Ithacan your
namesake, you, inspired by Minerva, Goddess
of Wisdom, resolved to give peace to the
Tribes.''
"Tot up"
eyes, sir, for here is your last and grandest
similitude. Equally with Ulysses inspired by
supernatural wisdom, you secretly departed
for gloomy region,
Where, in lonely land, and gloomy cells,
| The dusky nation of Britannia dwells.
The sun ne'er views the uncomfortable seats,
| When radiant he advances or retreats.
| Unhappy race whom endless night invades,
Clouds the dull air, and wraps them round with
"In the dark, now. Where's that?"
"Here," said Mr.. Punch, mildly and forgiv-
iDgly. ''ls not that the view taken by you
Americans, and by the French, whom you
adore so, of the mental ana physical condition
of this rotten, little old island ?''
"We have fools. Haven't you %
"Many, thanks be to the Parca, or how
should the wise live Well, sir, you repudiste
the description, but you accept the fact that
you made secret and mystic journey to con-
suit Tiresias, the most profoundly wise crea-
ture in all creation, upon your future course.
Tiresias, need hardly add" said Mr.. Punch,
modestly, sis myself"
"By JOve," said the President elect, Jumping
up, clasping his venerable friends hand with
one of his own hands, and raising high the
goblet with the other, "you are Tiresias, and
your baton is the staff which was given him
by Minerva, when he lost his eyes for"
"Never mind about that" said Mr.. Punch
81 have not lost mine, and if you have studied
my works, you will know that my peculiar
gift is that never see anything which true
reverence forbids me to see."
"RIght, Mr.. Punch, and l would that all
censors were as conscientious. l glory Il
know you, sir. 1 came by the cable, and
shall return the same way, for cannot be
bored with passenger chatter. came to ask
q favor"
'If possible, it is done. If impossible il
shall be done. That's the way to answer
Queens and Presidents. Speak, Ulysses %
"Firstly, however, want you to say some
thing civil for me to John Bull. Say that
have some more of that difficult steering K
do, and that may not at present see fit tC
express for him all the good feeling enter
tain. But my watchword is Peace, and Mr.
Reverdy Johnson does but amplify the senti
ments all really good Americans have for you
In my name, if you'll be 80 good, return JohI
Bull beLt wishes for happy Christmas, bu
give him finger only, until-you cSmpre
hend ?'
"Thus," said Mr.. Punch, dashing off
sketch with Keene-lke facility.
"Just that; bravo And now, old man, Civ,
me your Fifty y-fifth Volume.
81 fOresaw your wish. 1t is here, inscribed
TIBEsIAs TO uLYssEs.'
Perhaps they didn't quaF and fume until