The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1869-10-29
Spare Lines.

Spare Lines.
A stern necessity ships ruider.
Light Litcraturc-the books Of gas com.
pany. F.~r8
josh Billings says coifsh are better than UNI.
brellss to keep you dry.
Editors ought to bc able to live eheap-they
get bored for nothing.
Are you fond Of tongue. sirr Il was always
fond Of tongue, madam. and like II SILL
Ringleader-rhe parson at the marriage ser
vice.
II is one thing to be childlikc. another to be
childish.
or all the dust thrown in mems eyes, gold
dust Is the most binding.
Knowledge Is modest, cautious and pure ;
ignorance, boastful, conceitcd and sure.
Sunday is the strongest day in the week. The
rest are all week days.
Why is a beef.teak like locomotive, II Is
Of not much account without it's tender.
Pays Is the name Of newspaper in Paris
Don't pay is the name Of a good many in
America.
swell. Bridget. can you scour tin ware with
alacrityt" mo, mum. always scOur them
with sand
"My lord - said the foreman Of q Welsh jury,
when giving in the verdict, I'VE find the man
who stole the mare not guilty" o.. b.
a man said the only reason why his house
was not blown down in the late gale, was be-
cause there was heavy mortgage on II.
A Western town is without newspaper, be-
cause 'the ladies' sewing society answers just
rs we'll"
The Chicago Tribune is OF opinion that 'wo-
man Is undoubtedly the coming man Of the
present day.
We'll, wife, you can't say ever contracted
bad habits.' mo, sir you generally expand
them
There Is the same danger In bathing that
there Is In mercantile speculation-the danger
Of going under.
An ice-house hborcr being killed by q piece
Of ice falling on his head, the verdict was, died
Of hard drink
One flea will 90 all over mans suburbs in
less than two minutes and leave him as specklci
as the measles.
At recent dinner Of shocmakers, the follow
ing toast was given; May we have all the
women in the country 10 shoe. and all the men
10 boot.
At church collection for missions the preach
or fcclingly said: "My good brethren let me
l..
break of the eye. II spoils them for USE"
A fellow In Texas has Just invented strength
ening plaster which will enable you TO stake up
anything, from four months note 10 hogs
head Of sugar. A few in this market would
NEE. with ready sale. rs.r -
"My boy" said clergyman. "don't you
know that Il is wicked to catch fish ON Sundsy''
"Guess haint sinned much vet, !" said the boy,
without taking his eye from the cork. "hain't
had bite" ......r -...H ..rrr-H
Mr.. X. had his house rcmcdelled. DR.. X.
happened along and said, "well. neighbor X,
i see you have your house all swept and gar
nishcd." EYES, all ready for the evil spirit ;
walk in, doctor %
A young lady lately appeared in male attire
In Baltimore and one Of the editors says that
her disguise was 20 perfect that she might have
passed or for man had she had q little more
modesty.' s.
Ahwycr once asked a du.chman. concerning
q pig. In court: LOO
"what car-marks had hef"
"vell, ven l first became acquainted nit dc
hook, be had no ear-marks except very short
tail"
House Surgcon.-"Ah, by-the-way, there's
Higgins case. There has been slight mistake;
Il was the sound leg cut off," Visiting Sur
geon.-"lt's OF no consequence. We can curt
t'other, 50 IL comes to the same thing"
An Irishman recently stopped at a hotel In
Des Moines. Iowa. where pretty high bills wery
charged. In the morning the landlord made
out the amount Of damages and presented IL "a
Pat. After he had glanced over IL, the latter
looked the landlord in the face. and exclaimed
"Ye put me in mind Of snipe." "Whyp'
asked the landlord. "Because ye'rc very nigh
all BILL"
A gentleman absent from Nashville on bust
nc.s Journey received q despatch from home 70
this effect: "Your wife had child last night
but Is doing wen Today" lie hurried home
with various emotions, 10 find that there was a
mistake. The nurse who signed the despatch
had written "chil," and the operator knowing
full well that q letter was missing from tho wori
guessed that il should end with d.
An Irish Roman Catholic once said to another
who had taken the pledge and received medal
from Father Matthew, "And - you have signed
the tcctotsi pledge. have youi'
''Indecd have, and Am not ashamed Of IL
either"
"And did not Paul tell Timothy 10 take I
littie wine for his stomaeh's sake.'
80 he did," said the teetotaler, "but my
name Is not Timothy, and there Is nothing th,
matter with my stomach" -..
A negro preacher. holding forth to his cOngre
CATION upon the subject Of Obeying the com
mands Of God, says "Brclren, whatever Go
tells me to do In dis book (hOlding up the Bible,
dat I'm gwinc to do III see in IL dat | mus
Jump troo stinwall, I'm gwine to jump at il
Going troo il longs 10 God, jumpin' ct IL long
" me-" rHs' ..-
An old clergyman-morc distinguished 70
hs piety than ior the elegance Of his orasorica
delivcry-once rcad aloud from his pulpit {
hymn, in which occurs this line
'Ilfs's Ike shadow, how 70 nies"
But. parising in the middle Of the word shsdos
to take breath. tho venerable parson astonishct
his hearers by what sccued to read: i.5ar
"Lifss Ike shsd Oh! how u fies!'
A guest at hotel. the other evening was dis.
covered by the proprietor rather tenderly en-
brscing the ehAmbermaid. Ths landlord rsbukcl
him somewhat angrily. and wanted 10 know the
reason Of such eoodsce .simply. obeyinp
the rulss Of The house" said the guest, point.
ing to . card lacked 70 the room door, .'Dcu't !,