Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1869-04-22


The wife Of Tom Gordon Is {
victim to imaginary ailments, and
is never so content as when living
according TO the direction Of hel
medical adviser. DR.. Valentine
now understands her Whims anC
ODDITIES so well that be humors hel
IN every caprice; II she imagines
Rheumatism in her complaints, be
agrees with her, and prescibes
some harmless potion: If she
thinks her appetite decreasing, some
bread pills keep her in good spirits
until the fancied symptoms Of some
other disease induce her 10 send
again for him. % fa-
During the, last four years Tom
has often wished that bis wife
would roll down stairs and break
her foolish head, for the reason
that the physician's and apotheca-
ry's bills made a serious inroad
upon his fortune.
About three months ago she
complained of a pain in her side,
and, as usual, the doctor was sum
moned. After prescribing three or
four bottles Of different compounds
all harmless, but expensive-he
said.
"All you want to assist medicine
in efiecting a cure is a little rous-
ing. Although your a.lment is Sc
rious, it is not dangerous. Assume
a little energy and you will recover.
Remember, rouse yourself"
After the doctor had retired, the
patient fancied that at last some So.
rious disease was beginning to
manifest itself, and like fool, she
went to bed in dispair.
Tom understood the case thor
oughly, from long experience, and
said mentally, "She wants a rous-
ing, does sheP Well, III give her
a surprise that will startle her."
Mrs. Hake, an attractive widow,
was engaged in the capacity OF
nurse to Mrs @. The widow is
young, buxom, amiable; and Tom
thought her attractive qualities
might be made available in giving
the patient the necessary rous-
ing.
A short consultation with Mrs.
Hake resulted in the arrangement OF
a plan, the execution Of which was
to induce Mrs G. to forever after.
wards throw physic to the dogs.
Late the next evening, while thu
patient was fretting and groaning
and announcing her intention ot
Igiving up the ghost, Tom called
! Mrs. Hake aside, and said to her in
a pretended whisper, but loud
enough to be heard by the invalid
"Poor Fanny! she is about tc
die at last, and so you and | may
as well arrange for our marriage
Tom threw a glance over his
shoulder as he spoke, and ooserv-
ed the dying patient cease hel
groaning and begin to rouse her
self Arising quickly to a sitting
posture in the bed, to note every
word of the conversation, she gazed
at them with eyes as big as small
onions peeled.
"'Twill be a relief to her." CON
tinued Tom, "for she has always
been an invalid. !, too, have
suffered as well as she, but with
you, the picture of health, as my
wife, my happiness will be com
plette.' dl
The widow threw herself upon
Toms shoulders. her arms about
his neck, and began to chew his
vest in mouthfuls, to smother hel
laughter. L
"How soon shall we get married
after she is dead r. asked Tom,
passing his arms about the widow
substantial waist. -ra 58as
u suppose you will be willing to
wait a week or twoF simpered
Mrs. Hake as she leaned her head
on his shoulder and took another
mouthful of vest.
The invalid uttered an exclama.
ton and landed on the floor,
"You think | am going to die, do
your she exclaimed. "pn live to
spite YOU both and for youn-shr
turned and grasped Mrs. Hake by
the hair-'out of my house, yor
designing vixen! l will act, as my
own nurse hereafter" 1f&
From that day to this Mr.. G. has
enjoyed good health, and Tom has
not had doctors bill to pay. HI
knew how to cure her, for she onl,
needed rousing, and Tom rouset
her, q aai II