Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1869-06-15
From the Enquirer and Examiner.
A Curtain Lecture.

r !
A Curtain Lecture.
Time Midnight. Mr. Caudze sleepy Mrs
Caudle anGious and ercited.
! Caudle, Caude, ,1ake up, Caudle / I want
4 to talk to you've hardly talked any this day.
/ You say, Don't let's talk now? Well, bu,
4 | .oiu talk. am determined to assert my
rights somtimes. Actually object to your wife S
speaking to you! This comes from hunoring
yoa-''What do | want to talk about ~
/ What's that to you? Go aheadl" Well,
! it's been on my mind ever since Tread Friday S
ENQUIRER (capital paper, Caudle) to ask you
whether you are going to register? You ant?
/ Now. Caudle. remember how foolish you were
In not registering betore-the ridiculous excu-
ses you made, you and fifty other lazy boobies
| 1.-THE ENQUIRER calls EN- Bourbolls) in tbs
county like you You had the rheumat ism
your ankle was sfrained-yon had all the COM
plants of the afficfed patriarch without hi.
consolation-yon had the sores of job withou,
| his philosophy-fhe ulcers of Lazarus without
his reversion in Abrahan's b5som. ~.
| What! you have heard me say that before
| No, Caudle, yon never did. / don't often re-
peat, but do now, and will do it again-you
hace got tn register, and that aln't aH-you
have got to - :. y eu are not going to do
it?' Now, Caude, don't be committing your
self-for my mind is made up. Willing to reg
lister we'll of course you are--but yen have
got TO vote for .----4. You won't do IT,
Caudle, thi, is downright rebellion You wont
|let-thewonien vote, ,-and you men have got to-
UOfe. Are you going to keep dawdng and
lmouthing and faultsfading eabeur hoa,a here,
with your hands in-yoar pockets, while the ne
groes are voting away the very ground @frone
under your feet2 Are you going to do it, eau.
die? Caadle-I dobeleve the man has gone
to sleep-Caude, say, Caudle; speak to me.
and don't lie there snoring with your mouth
open like fy-trap Are you going to sit still
and let the negroes set up their mixed schools,
and make our dear little Laura Ann learn hel
lessons out of the same book with Syphax
Brown? She is exactly like you, Caude, ex-
cept that she is not freckled and bow-legged.
What! it is against your principles to vote
for Republican? Now. Caudle, don't ask
you to set up for a Solomon-I am reasona-
BILE woman, Caudle-but you needn't be lu-
natlc. Is there any sacrifice of one sensible
principle, to secure a second choice when you
cunt get your first? If you had the collie, and
couldn't get that dear man DIR Sweetoi would
you not send for old Jones? If you can't get
Withers, why not take Walker? Principle! !
as if there is any principle in not making the |
best of circumstances What, you are tired of
politics, and L must talk of something else p
Well will Have you made Ben Oliver pay
you that 5000 yet, Caude? You say you have
compromised the debt at fifty cents in the dol.
lar? Now Caude, if he owed you part, didn't
he owe you all? What-he was going to make
a deed and if you hadn't compromised for
half, you would have got nothing? According
to your principles (which don't think much |
of Caude), as you couldn get all your dues. |
you should have taken nothing. Principles! (! |
Caudle, why don't you put that lot that you |
guanoed so heavily in tobacco? You say the |
fly has eaten up your plants, and so to make |
the best Of bad bargain you will put the lot |
in corn? Now, Caudle, see that you don't |
lose the little sense you have for your sky-scra-
ping notions when 1t comes to your private at |
fars-you are keen enough then, Caudle 1t |
is only when the loss falls on the public that |
you indulge the luxury Of a h,qh.7ter at
W hat, you say prose too much You ex- |
pect me talk poetry, do you? Then listen,
Caudle:
'Whither mid falling dew,
While glow the heavens with the last steps of
day, l.-r
Far through their rosy depths dost thou pursue |
Thy solitary way?
''Vainly the fowers eve
May mark thy distant course to do thee wrong, |
As darkly painted ON the crimson sky 1l1 |
The figure floats along" aE e |
w hat pity, Caudlc, that that magnificent |
high-fier should have turned out to be only |
wild goose at last All cloud-cleavers are not |
eagles. Caudle though many ''fy-un-the- |
creek takes it into his little noddle that he is |
a fy-up-the-sky. yraaa
You don know of any difference between |
Walker and Wells? Nonsense, don you know
B from Bull 'S-foot? Wells don't talk to me |
of Wells [ d as soon hear tell of the slime |
pits of Sodom tremble whenever put
letter in the post-offiee. You don't know of |
any difference No, Caudle, you want NE to |
sing in the choir with Sukcy Blueskin You |
want to degrade your poor wife and children |
your poor Betsy who left her dear home in |
Puddletown to come and live with you. |
might have married Smpkins the lawyer-and |
charming fellow he was how he could ar
que and how rich he has got! lie wouldn't |
have lain still and seen his family degraded
He ain too proud or foolish 70 vote for Walk |
er. CaudIe, you have made me sick-you have
shattered my poor nerves till can't Sleep
Get up and get me the assafetida, Caudle-
You cant stay in the bed with anybody that
takes assafetida? No, Caudle, you ''acoa't
kao,o arg tttference.'' 9a
Y on say yon are going to register and vote
the Walker ticket? You declare upon honor?
Now, Caude, [ always knew that when you
got over the suks you are a man Of frss-rate
sense-worth twenty Simpkinses, And when
you vote down the test-oath and that other
thing, we will send you to the Legislature. -
Turn over and kiss me, Caudle. itsEaH
For the Spectator.