Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1869-09-09
Amusing Paragraphs.


Cold comfort-ice in a hot day.
"A man of magnificent presents-Pea-
body.
Can a butting contest between two
darkeys be considered a ''skulling match"
The Detroit police are making war
on geese, which is very ungallant family
quarrel for Michi-ganders to be engaged in.
John John !" shouted an old gentle
fore YOU" every WE'LL" said John; che
has further to go than we have"
The statement that Commodore VAN
derbilt's daughter teaches her daughter to
mend stockings, is now said to be darned
lie.
"A little boy, disputing with his sister
on certain subject, exclaimed: ':It's true,
for ma says SO, and if ma says so, it's soft
it amt So"
The Hornellsville Times regrets to
learn that the Wild Man of Woodruff, after
climbing the lofty pine finally succeeded
in pulling the tree up after him and disap-
peared.
A correspondent says Washington So
ciety reminds one of bucket of HOLSTERS.
Pick up the President {the top lobster),
and you raise every one in the bucket, clear
to the bottom.
Two Yorkshire men travelled together
three days in n stage coach without word
passing between them. On the fourth day
one of them at length ventured to remark
that it was very fine morning. ''And
who said it warn't," was the reply.
Miss Susan B. Anthony insists that a
man and wife shall not sleep together The
furniture dealers of Sandusky, Ohio, have
read Susans article, and have named the
forlorn single besteads in use in hotels and
boarding houses ''Susanthonies."
Josh Billings says: "Nlenny people
spend their time in trying to find the hole
whar sin got into the world. If two men
break through the ice into a mill-pond,
they had better hunt for some good hole to
git out, rather than git into long argu
ment about the hole they fell in.
--pd offer Thee this hand of mine
IL thou but had'st the dimes:
But purses short and slim as thine
Won't do for these hard times.
leave thee in thy wretchedness.
As one too poor to mate;
For love, you know, can only bless,
When based on real estate.
OF that celebrated and long-winded
divine, Zachary Boyd, the following story
is told: I'm 1861, Protector Cromell went
one Sunday to hear him preach. He in
weighed SO uncompromisingly against Oil
yer, that MIR. Secretary Tourlow proposed
to have the defiant and fearless minister
shot. Cromwells only answer was: Hes
fool, and you're another. I'llpay him ont
in his own fashion. So he asked Mr.. Boyd
to dinner, and he concluded the entertain
ment with prayer that lasted three hours
"A servant girl in Altoona recently tried
whiskey to kill rats. She sweetened it with
sugar, soaked bread into it, and then left
the bread in the cellar where the rats
"most do congregate." She had been up
stairs but half an hour when she heard
laughing, singing and general hullabal-
loo down stairs. She accordingly went
down to see what was the matter. Imag-
inc her establishment to find about halt u
dozen rats gloriously fuddled, engaged in
throwing potato parings at each other, and
hauling enc another up to drink.
ARTICLES Of consolidation of the consol-
idated Lake Shore Railroad, from Buffalo
to Toledo, and the Toledo, W.bash and
Western Railroad. from Toledo to Keokuk,
Iowa, were signed yesterday, and will be
submitten to the stockholders in thirty
days. Their ratification is certain. The
Wabash road goes into the consolidation
with its present capital, and the Lake
Shore with all increase Of twenty per cent.
on the amount of its stock, and is also to
receive dividend of four per cent. on Jan.
/, 1870, making total stock and cash divi-
dend of twenty-four per cent.
A man who owes bill in London can
now pay it in four hours by simply going to
Wall street and purchasing a document
known as "cable transfer" device born
of the great Atlantic telegraph enterprise,
whereby the equivalent of the money which
he gives III New York will be Immediately
delivered to bis creditor in London.