The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1869-08-19

The Prohibltisnists In Council.
Satan once called special meeting Of his
head centres in Pandemonium. The subject
before the congregation was the consideration
of an alleged attempt on the part of terres-
trial State constable to expel company Of
choice spirits, who were enjoying themselves
over jorum Of thunderbolt punch at o cosy
little summer retreat on the confines of Hades.
The constable insisted that he had law on his
side, inasmuch as while the statute winked at
the spirits imbibing liquid damnation within
the cellars and dungeons Of the Internal re-
gions, it did not allow them to do so in the
light of day, and particularly in so conspicuous
and fashionable a locality as the summer re-
treat referred to. He argued that such enjoy
ment was vouchsafed only to divines and
authors of religious and temperance tracts and
poetry, who had passes stamped with the sign
manual "a curlously shaped hoof) Of the
presiding officer. The defence offered pre-
cedent ip justification Of their conduct. They
cited the case Of well known bon uipant,
who, on a certain occasion, had been COM
PEELED to leave city called Boston-typical
Of Hades-and 60 to another city called
New York, on the road to Paradise,
to enjoy his favorite beverage without
molestation from State constables. Satan
reviewed the testimony and decided that rum
had become dangerous commodity in his
dominions. TWAS liable to serious explosions,
besides being calculated to corrupt the morals
of number of his head devils, many Of whom
were pious people from New England, to which
country he was obliged to look for continual
supply of fresh beef for his refrigerator. The
sentence was that the delinquents should be
confined in some subterranean cavern in
locality similar to North street in the Hub, and
stuffed with Maiden rum until the spirit Of st.
John Augustus should come from above and
bail them out.
Seriously, the council Of prohibitionists, now
or rscently In session in Boston, reminds one Of
convocation that might be convened by the
arch Rend for the purpose of passing judg
ment upon the virtue, morality and probity Of
mankind 1t sits there wrapped in its 'holier
than thou" robe, and passes edicts as glibly as
Cape Ann fisherman would rip open cod
fish. It stamps with its full endorsement q
law that pays no respect to other peoples
property, or rights, or inclinations, or appe-
tites; that breaks up without warn
ing business upon which taxes have
been paid into both the national and State cof-
feps; that takes away the support Of families,
and separates the members thereof, some to
become burthens upon their friends, others,
perhaps, to become the recipients of public
charities. This council and its sympathizers
compose q hideous oligarchY of hypocrisy,
cant and grovelling neutrality-suspicious. OF
the stripe that hung witches and stole negroes
from Africa-stole negroes, sold them into
bondage, and afterwards again stole them from
their masters and emancipated them. The
whole thing is dishonest, disgraceful, afro
cious, unworthy of any civilized state or ma
ton. Take the average of the members Of
this prohibitive council and compare them with
the same number of prominent merchants,
whose traffic they would utterly destroy and
whose fortunes they would, if they have not
already, ruin-and the advantages for respecta-
bility, character, integrity and the possession
of Christian-like virtues, would be found in
favor of the latter. Drunkenness is a sin and
should be driven from the land but it cannot
be extirpated by the tyrannical and abomina-
BILE measures adopted by the temperance
fanatics of New England, many of whom
might be compared to certain original teeto-
taller referred to in the annexed couplet, to
witt
The devil got drunk,
The devil monk would be-
This devil got sober,