davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03

A TALE OF LovE.-Onc quiet day in leafy
June, when bces.and birds were all in tune two
lovers walked beneath the moon. The night
was fair--so was the maid; they walked and
talked beneath the shade, with none to harm
or make afraid. Her name was Sue and his
was Jim, and he was fat and she was slim he
took to her and she to him. Says Jim to Sue ::
"By all the snakes that squirm among the
brush and brakes, [ love you hctter'n buck
wheat cakes" Says Sue to Jim: Since
you We begun it, like you next to a new bon
nit" Says Jim to Sue My heart you We
busted but have always gals mistrustcd. "
Says Sue to JIM " | will be true; if you love
me as love you, no knife can cut our love in
two." Says Jim to Sue: Through thick and
thin, for your true lover count me in; Ill
court no other gal az in" Jim leaned to Sue
Sue leaned to Jim; his nose just touched her
jockey brim; four lips INSTRUMENTATION
ahcm And thcn-and hcp-and TIEN-and
THEN Oh gals beware Of men in June,
and underneath the silver moon, when frogs
and crickets are in tune, lest you get your
names in the papers
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
Mark Twain "SOld."

1t is seldom pleasant to tell on ones SELF buS
sometimes it is q sort Of relief to man to make
a sad confession. wish to unburden my mind
now, and yet | almost believe that | am moved
to do it more because | long to bring censure
upon another man than because [ desire to
pour balm upon my wounded heart. Il don't
know what balm is, but I believe it is the cor
rect expression to use in this connection, never
having seen any balm. on may remember
that | lccturcd in Newark lately for the young
gentlemen Of the ClayOnan Society. During
the afternoon OF that day | was walking with
one of the young gentlemen just referred to,
and he said he had an uncle WHO, from some
cause or other, seemed to have grown perman-
emily bereft Of all emotion. And, with tears in
his eyes, this young man said:
"Oh, if | could only see him laugh once
more! Oh, if could only see him weepl"
l was touched. never could Withstand DIS
tress. ! said:
Bring him to my lecture. I'll start him
for you"
OIL my benefactor, can you make him
laugh? Can you bring soothing tears to those
parched orbs ?"
was profoundly moved I said:
My son, bring the old party around. !
have got some jokes in the lecture that will
make him laugh IN him-and if they miss FIRE
| have some others that Il make him cry or kill
| him-one or the other.
| Then the young man blessed me, and wept
on my neck, and blew his nose on my coat tail,
and went after his uncle. lie placed him in
| full view, in the second row of benches, that
night, and | began on him. / tried him with
mild jokes then with severe ones; | doscd him
with bad jokes, and riddled him with good
ones fred old jokes into him, and peppered
him fore and att with rcd-hot new ones
warmed up to my work, and assaulted him right
and left, in front and behind; ] fumed and
sweated, and charged and routed, till l was
hoarse and sick, and frantic and furious-but l
never moved him once-I never started smile
nor a tear Never ghost Of a smile, and new
er a suspicion of moisturel ! was astounded.
| closed the lecture at last with one wild burst
Of humor-and hurled joke of supernatural
atrocity full at him! Then | sat down bewild-
cred and exhausted.
The president of the society came up and
bathcd my head with cold water, and said:
What made you carry on SO toward the
last2'
l said: "I was trying to make that con-
founded old fool laugh, in the second row.
And he said: "Wcll you were wasting
your time-bccausc he is deaf and dumb, and
as blind as badger"
Now was that any way for that old man.
nephew to impose on a stranger and an orphan
like me? | simply ask yOu, as a man and a
brother, if that was any way for him to do!
MARK TWAIN, to Neicark Press.
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03

A SCIENTIFIC DoUBTER.-There was man
who lived in Cass county, Georgia. many years
ago, who had once been in the State Lcgsla-
ture, and never neglected an opportunity to
emphasize the fact He was a perfect inlidel
as to new discoveries and now sciences, being
well satisfied that if the world should turn over
all the water would spill out of his well; and
only giving in to steam cars by slow Degrees
But all the vials Of his contempt were poured
out upon the idea of telegraph, and he was
wont to say that nobody need try to come "the
green" over him in that way, for he had been
in the Legislature. Finally, the State road
was built, aud one day wOrkmen began to put
up telegraph posts right in front of his house,
and to stretch the wire. His exultant neigh
bors thought they had him on that occasion,
and asked:
"Well, old fellow! what do you think of
telegraphs now?"
lie was cornered but died game. Drawing
himself up an inch taller, he said:
"Gentlemen, when was in the Legislature
| gave this subject my very attentive cOnside-
ration. And | said then, as say now, that it
may do for letters and small bundles, but it
never will take cotton bale, never"
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
IPrRLIc RFsoLrrIoN-No. 57l

lPIBLIC RESOLUTION-NOs5II
resolution relative to lighting the of Washington
City, District OF Columbia.
Whereas the municipal authorities of the city OF Washing
ton have tailed TO the for lighting the
streets oi s city in accordance with the onS OF an act
entitled An approximations snry civil eXppn-
hundred and >lNty->iX: Therefore,
BE Il y III" House of Representatives OF
the United states America Congress assembled That the
and councils WaSinE be, and they
the holders the Washington sufficient
'ay the of lighting. and street
OF said with SXfre burners twcutyOe nights in each
month from dark until day light and keep said lamps so lighted
each
SEC And be il further That the and city
councils the city and they hereby,
thoriz contract with the Washington Gas Light Company
for the term Of and from 20 until other
exceeding the hv all the umnat
the and street ami public
Offices of the city and public grounds under the control OF said
city
councils the city Washington and they hereby,
aUthor and directed the
public good require, the number of street lamps nL
IN streets lanes alleys, public and grounds IN the city
Washing do and all Things to the
well lighting o the city and To levy and collect tax from the
holders therefor.
further resolved That the event Of the
failure of the and councils levy and collect the
herein au.hok light the said herein direct
ed then the Of tho and hc hereby aI-
hnrikti directed 70 levy the property "l
city and tu collect the sufficient 20 light said city for the
and O Snch failure
70 fully the provisions Of thiS out resolution in the
p.tc" and stead of the said mayor ami city councils.
And M her resolved That nothing herein con
tanc shall Ice construed relieve th said Washington Gas
Light Company fom paying the internal revenue tax imposed
by law.
Approved. july p, 1863.
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03

church is undergoing a change Personal res
ponsihiity and active effort, under well organ
lied plans, are the demands of the church and
the times.
There arc thousands who never visit the
church-the church must visit them.
In view Of the magnitude of the undertake
ing, let every Christian woman 60 to work at
once to rcscne theimpcriled, and all join hands
in systematic endeavors to save them that are
ready to perish.
NJ T. so(i CISrth M Of PG this S cwn having uGu for its o S
GERS the following ladies':
First Vice President, Mrs. Sarah Buld
Second Vice President, Mrs. Eliza Jcrnan
Secretary, Mrs Lizzie II. Buckmastcr Treas.
urcr, Mrs. Mary j. Bcwley.
An earnest invitation is extended to all oul
ladies to become active members Of the asso
citation. S. j.. GRACEY, Pastor.
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03

ness. His spirit is wrapped up in greenbacks,
and nothing to him is worth so much as the
almighty dollar. The man who gained the
whole world and lost his own soul is his spirit
brother.
At his establishment it is hardly too much to
say that everything is to be had that money
will purchase. lie is fair man to deal with;
as rule, you may be sure of getting the worth
of what he sells you. He never sticks on pri-
ces, or sells an inferior article. For every de-
partment OF dress he has special dependent In
his store, each of which aims at perfection.
Capitalists in all branches of commerce, trade,
manufacture, art, are like so many keys of an
instrument Of which Mr. Stewart is master He
is more than equal to the business pressing
upon him, as, indeed, any one must be to
maintain success. He is as full of energy as in
first youth, and the speed and boldness with
which his plans are executed, are characteri-
ed by the same individuality, which, in his
younger years, would have made him appear to
his friends as the most obstinate and reckless
of men.
For any harmless exercise of these gifts which
make man to become millionaire, Mr. Stew
art is, of course, to be admired But one nev-
er hears of his name in the cause of charity
his reputation is not surrounded with an at
mosphere of Affection and his memory will
scarcely be embalmed in the dignity and ten
dcrness of tears. Everything he has touched
he has turned into gold; but there are score,
of noble men and women, who, having made
| themselves as perfect as they are capable Of be
coming, survey him from their happy poverty
with cOmmiseratiOn, and view the isolation o
his soul as little better than starvation annie
| splcndOr
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
POeI1.Y.
COUNTRY SLEIGHING.

In January, when down the dairy
The cream and clabber Freeze
When snow-driftS the fences over,
We farmers take ease.
At night rig the team,
And bring the cutter out;
Then ill 1t, fill it, fill it, fill it,
And heap the lurs about.
Here friends and cousins dash up by dozens.
And slGighs at least a score;
There John and Molly, behind, are jolly
Nell rides with me before.
All down the village street
We range us in
Now jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle,
And over the crispy snow!
The windows gsten, the old folks listen
To hear the seiyh-bclls pass
The fields grow winter, the stars are brighter,
The road is smooth as glass.
Our mulled faces burn,
The clear north wind blows cold,
The girls all nestle, nestle nestle,
Each in her lovers hold
Through bridge and gateway IRE shooting straghtway
Their tollman was too slow
He IL listen after song and laughter
As over the hill we go.
The girls cry Fic for shame
Their cheeks and lips red,
And so, with kisses, kisses, KISSES
They take the toll instead.
Still follow, follow! across the hollow
The tavern fronts the road,
Whoa now! all steady! the host is ready
He knows the country mode
The irons in the fire,
The kissing flip is got
So pour aud sip it, sip it, sip it.,
And sip it while It's hot.
Push back the tables, and from the stables
Bring Tom, the fiddler in;
All take your places and make your graces,
Ami let the dance bcgn.
The girls beating time
To hear the music sound;
Now foot it, foot it. foot it, foot it,
And swing your partners round.
Last couple toward the left all forward!
Cotions through let's wheel;
First tune the fiddle then down the middle
In Old Virginia Reel.
Play Money Musk to close.
Then take the long chasse,"
While in to supper. supper supper,
The landlord leads the way.
The bells are ringing the ostler's bringing
The cutters up anew;
The beasts are neighing too long we re staying,
The night is half way through
Wrap close the buffalo robes
Were all aboard more;
Now jingle Jingle jingle. jingle,
Away from the tavern door.
So follow, follow, by hill and hollow,
And swiftly homrwarl glide
What midnight spendor how warm and tender
The maiden by your side!
The sleighS drop far apart,
Her words soft and low,
Now, if you love her, love her, love her,
'Tis safe tell her 50.
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
O F FIG IA L..
RESOLUTIONS.
PASSED AT THE sEC0Nn SESSION OF THE FORTIET

CONGRESS-.
tPCBLIC RESULVTIUN-No. Ji.I
resolution To INTO effect the resolution March
two eighteen hundred and sXtyeven, providing the
change of certain public documents.
Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the
United states OF America in Congress assembled That the
Congressional Printer whenever he shall be directed by the
J"n Committee on the Library be- and he hereby is directed
to print fifty copies in addition to the regular number all
documents hereafter printed hv order of either house of Con-
@reSS by order OF department bureau Of the
man and whenever he shall be- directed 10y the Joint Com
mee the Library, hundred copies additional of all
documents ordered To be printed in of the usual
r s y or one hundred copies to be delivered to the III.
hrarn OF Congress- To be exchanged under direction of the
Joint Commit the Library provided by Joint resolution
approved March two eighteen hundred and sXtyseven.
SEC And he It further resolved That fifty copies of each
publication printed under drectop OF department bu
OF the whether al the Congressional Printing
Office elsewhere shall be placed at the disposal % the Joint
Committee on the Library to out the provisions OF said
| resolution.
Approved, July
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03

lPCBLIC RESOLUTON-No. 55.l
resolution granting permission to officers and soldiers TO
the badge OF the which they served during tho
rebellion.
Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives Of the
United America Congress assembled That all
officers oihCcrs other
enlisted in the regular volunteer militia forces
the United States during the the rebellion an have
been hunory discharged from the service remain still in
the shall be entitled to occasions ceremony
the distinctive badge ordered for adopted by the army
corps ard division respectively, in which they served
Approved, July Is. 1868.
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
proved, July 27, 1868.
Prp1Ic REsoLrTToN-No. G2.l


Joint resolution the the United states 10 the
construction Of certain warvss in the harbor OF Oswego
New York.
Whereas the common council Of the city of OswcgO, in the
State of New York. by resolutions unanimously adopted April
seventh eighteen hundred and sixty eight and May twelfth
eighteen hundred and sxegh in pursuance OF the author
ity granted them by the legislature Of New YORK IN the
of said city have given permission to the OF lots eleven
and twelve, also of lots thirteen Ourteen eighty ana
eighty and Of lots fifteen sixteen and eighteen
in fOrtifcaiUn block number in the first ward OF sd city
said lots seventy feet in width
and extending n0rhery that the north end OF said waryes
be line with the north line of the Ontario elevator
but not less than two hundred and fifty feet distant from
the the United States pier which wharveS Will
navgale said harhor Therefore,
resolved the and House OF Representatives OF
United Congress assembled, That the
assent United and the hereby, given
Congress has to give the same to the owners
the lots mentioned To- construct said wharves IN ac
the said resolutions subject however
to the approval the engineer department Of the
Approved, July a.,
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
pprovcd, July 27, 1863.

fprBIIC PFSnLTTION-NO. 5ol
Joint resolution relation and examinations OF
and harlOrS.
Be it resolved hv tho senate aud House Of OF
the United States America Congress assembled That the
Secretary "f War shall cau" to be- prepare" and submitted to
Congress H. c'unectiuu with the rOrt Of examinations and
ltrlOUS made 10y urirr o Con
full statements OF all existing facts tending 10 show TO
what eNtcnt he general Of the country will br
motcd hv the several works Of improvements contemplated 10y
such AMI surveys. to the end that public
shall not he applied excepting whore such improvements shall
tend suhrve the and navigation
ests of the United States.
Ann ImY
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
IPrBLIc REsoLUTIoN-No. SOL

csont IN to admit certain persons to the Naval Academy
United Am Congress assembled That the Sec
u the NAVY be- and he hereby, authorized
tr inst at the Naval Academy Annapolis not exceed
six persons to h designated by the of the
plrc apan Provided That shall thereby
to thFJ nc States And provided further That the Secre
Ot the said modify
dispense with any provisions regulations
the said academy which in his opinion
der necessary q desirable.
Approved, July q,
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
JUST 50.

40. tell me. where is fancy bred ."
She asked, and. getting holder.
She placed her little darling head
And chignOn on my shoulder.
And l, with no moro pnotry in
Ny soul than in aQuaker's,
Replied. with iiiolic grin.
You'll find it at the bakers"
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
rprrtrc RrsotrTtoy-No. COL

y
joint resolution the d0naf Of certain columns.
Be resolved ~ the Senate aEl House of Representatives oi
the United Amcricn Congress aSenblri That til"
the Treasury hereby authorized to donate to
such been whole part dee ctled I"
the burial Of soldiers sailors who lost their lives IN defence
the United such voluntary associations Ot c
contributed the and Of these patriots
while living, the six columns taken from the o! Pnnsylva
bank huldng the city Philadelphia: Provided That but
column shall be, such cemetery association in
State, and that the shall be used monument
AuurnNlaI Jmly q. l-G3.
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
prn11c Rrsn11.rlnx-Nn. GIL


joint resolution authorizing Secretary OF War 10 urnsn
:" soldiers Monument Associations OF Pequarnock
and Paterson. y. J.
tn" Senate and House Of Representative Of
the Unitrl States of America in Congress assembled a
be authorized furnish to the soldiers
Monument Associations the township OF Peguann0ck Nor
" D. Paterson Pasic county " j. each four
pieces of condemned cannon, and twenty balls IN az c%h
and forty bas to DO placed about the SAID
| monuments.
Approyed. July q. 1868.
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
rPrRt1c Rrso1rTIoy-No. s9.l

Joint resolution relative ~ printing specification of patents
BE- resolved v the Suate and nuS" ot Representatives Of
the United States of America Congress assembled, That no
bills g' hy h" treasury for print ing specifications ol patents
above the contract that seventy cents NAV be
added to each thousand words the additional cost of compo
ion Oconnd by change male in the printing by order OF
the Commissioner of Patents.
ApproYel, JulY u.
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
DEBILITY.

ialIng from any cause Whatever; Prostitution oi
lhe System. lndTced by Severe labor, Hard
ships, Exposure, Fevers, &C.
There is 20 medicine extant equal TO these RENE
Os' 10 such cases tone and vlgOr is impaired to
a whole system the appetite strengthened, food
a'lpyed the stomach dIgests properly, the blood Is
lahaed, the complexion becomes sound and healthy,
aslellON tnge Is eradicated from the eyes, bloom
A!ven to the cheeks. and the weak and nervous IN
Gd becomes a strong aud healthy being.
fsrOns Advanced IN Life anc feeling The hand OF
hTeIghlng heavily upon them, with all ITS attend
siiIs will lind IN Ihe use Of this BITTERS or the
lAC, an elixir that will inslil new life INTO their
Aa', restore in measure the energy and ardOr OF
Ne youthful days, build up their shrunken forms,
% give health and happiness TO their remaining
sts
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
tPUpLrc REsoLrr1ox-No. a.l

IN
tnent I'm behalf Of the people of Crete.
Resolved by the Senate and House Of OF the
America Congress assembled That the peO-
Pile the xprsOn Of their sympa
thy people Crete whom they bound
10y the ties Of religion and by the gratitude due to
the which the Crctans that they
believe that the sueringss s this interesting people
be happily terminated by policy OF orbearnce on the
the Turkish and thew hereby declare their
earnest hope the Turkish government will listen kindly 10
and will speedily adopt such steps
will Crete the mucsred blessings Of peace ana
the advantages OF auIOnOmc government
I2 And he it further resolved That religion cyilza
ton and humanity require that the existing contest IN te
be brought close and accomplish this result the
civilized powers world should unite in friendly influence
with the government Of Turkey.
1871 And be further resolved That II shall be the duty
of the President the minister of the United Satc
tonsannnplf1 co-opeatc with the ministers Of Other
all offices terminate the Sui"ngS OF the
pn of rer: and that duty Uf the rresi
dent copy Of this resolution to the govern
ment Of Turkey.
| Approyed, July 81, 19G3
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03

A LADY having the misfortune to have her
husband hang himself on an apple tree. the
wife of neighbor Immediately came to beg q
branch of that tree, to have it grated into one
in her orchard, for who knows" says she
"but it may bear the same kind Of fruit,
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03

A MOTHER reproved her three-yea old
daughter for eating icicles. The infant replied;
" | didn't eat em mamma; | only sucked the
juice out of M
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
rPrBLIc REsoLrrIox-No. G3.I

resolution from the rolls Ot the certain officers
absent without authority from their commands 70,
the Senate and House Of Representatives OF the
States America Congress assembled, That the fol-
named officers of reported by the Secretary OF
from their commands without authority be- and
they hereby dropped from the rolls with loss OF all and
allowances. viz First Lieutenant D. H. Weand sixth infant
ry; First Lieutenant H. H. anty fourth infantry FIRST Lieu
J. Nc Donald fifth artillery First Lieutenant Richard
Wilson third artillery Second Leutenant J. W. Goldman,
sixth infantry Second Lieutenant Guy Morrison tenth an-
This resolution take ecctOm the dates at which they
absented themselves from their regiments.
ADprOyed, July a. 1868.
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
IPUBLIC REsOLUTIoy-No. Gj.1


Joint resolution aid in relieving peOnage and
children Of the Navajo Indians.
BE the Senate aud House Of Representatives OF
the United Stasrs assembled, That Lien
tenant General T. Sherman be- and he is hereby horned
nd the most efficient his judgment
will approve reclaim the and children
Naya Indians held in slavery in the territory al
and the reservation which the Navajo
Ind ians have heen confined.
Approved July lS65.
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03

A "GmL OF THE PERIOD" comments hus
upon Mormonsm: How absurd-fonr or five
wives for one man, when the fact is, each yo-
man in these times ought to have four or FIVE
husbands. 1t would take about that nunbor
to support her decently"
Smyrna times., 1869-02-03
NOTICE.

9sawe established fact that fully one-hali Of the
- Dri.on Of our population are seldom IN
'sen0ymenl Of good 81 health, or to use their
"a expression. new "a Asr feel WE'LL" They are
'!ild, devoid Of all energy, extremely, nerv-
= and have no appetite.
~ ms class o persons the Bters, or the onlc, Is
Peclally recommended
WEAK AND DELICATE CHILDREN
made strong by the use Of either Of these reme-
8 They will cure every case of MARASMUS,
laOut ia
l'usands Of certificates have accumulated in the
% IVY Ol the proprietor. bat space will allow OF the
Ioleanon Of but few. Those, it will be observed, 4,
believed