Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1869-11-05
8nlaorOas.

you will see 1t.
The principal occupation of the girl of the
period is said to be to sit at the window and
watch for the looming man.
AK Iuctioneer receatly advertised for sale
a large quantity of oil paintings, "by some Of
the ancient masters Of the day"
MOTHER. said Ike Partingtou, ''did you
know that the iron horse had but one carp
''0ne ear mereiful gracious, child, what do
you mean ~ "Wby, the engineer, of course"
Il 60 through my work, as the needle
said to the idle boy. "But not till your
hard pushed as the idle boy said to the
needle.
SIS that marble ?'' said gentleman, point.
ing to the bust of Kentucky great states
man, recently, in New York store. mo,
sir, that is clay, quietly replied the dealer.
A Cork paper publishes the following ezra
tum THE words printed pigs and cows
in Mr.. Parker's letter on the land question, in
yesserdas's Issue, should have boen pros aud
cons.
'.HHere Ignorance is Bliss, &e.-A Fact
Party (Eho has brought back the music
stoolin disgust "Looke ee ere Mister Auc-
tioneer, this thing amt no manner of use at
all I've twisted un round, an OF woman
ave twisted un round, but sorra a bit O. toon
We can get out of IN %
A SENSIBLE contemporary says: ''The
women ought to make pledge not to kiss
a man who uses tobacco and it would soon
break up the practice. A friend of ours
says 'they ought also to pledge themselves
to kiss every man that don't use it-and we
go for that too"
sIMAGINAsHUS, tew mutch indulged in,
says Josh Billings, "soon is tortured into
reality; this is one way good boss thieves
are made; a man leans over fence all day
and imagines the boss belongs tew him,
and sure enuff, the FIRST dark night, the hoss
does"
A MAN who had been arrested as yagrant
protested that he had regular trade and
calling, to wit, smoking glass for total eclipses
| of the sun; aud as these occur only a few times
in a century, he was not to blame for being
out of employment good deal.
some time since gentleman died in the
town of y, who during life refused to
believe in another world. Two or three
weeks after his demise his wife received
through medium, a communication which
read as follows Dear wife I now believe.
Please send me my thin clothes
A LITTLE FIVE year old girl being asked
by her ma, after an attempted bible lesson,
why God did not want Adam and Eve to
eat the fruit on a certain treein the garden,
replied that's he did not know, unless it was
because "God wanted to ''can'' it for his own
use"
"YoU seem animated by this 6ue scene, my
dear Annie, said her lover. NO." said
she, 81 shall never be Annie mated till I am
your wife, dearest;" and he gave her such
| Kiss that Jemima vowed she thought some
body had bit against cur street door with a
| life preserver, it made such a noise
Her "Pboto' album richly bound,
And shining fair with lustrous gold,
from the table raised and said:
''Ia this your Bible behold?''
.'Ah, no!" she said with happy smile,
We maidens have, you know our whims,
And though devoutly pondered o'er,
No bible It's but Book of Rims.
AT school in the north of England, dur
ing q lesson on the animal kingdom, the
teacher put the following question: "Can any
boy name to me an animal Of the order of
deudata-that is front toothless animal?
A boy, whose face heamed with pleasure at
the prospect ofa good mark. replied, II canl''
'Well, what IS the animal?'' "Mv grand
mother!" replied the boy in great glee.
Two friends, taking walk on turnpike
leading out from Baltimore, we're passing a
milestone inscribed - NJ. TO B" "Poor
B." said one of them; "a queer place for a
grave, and a mean sort of stone to mark
it," ''Why, it's milestone, mani said the
other innocently as 1t, indeed If 80 NJ
don't spell tomb, l should ike to know what
it does spell?''
Sr. LOUIS minister, travelling through
Indiana, says "Soon after passing the capi,
tai Of Indiana, my attention was called to the
hit made by one of the pictorial papers as TO
the ease with which divorces are obtained in
that state. A railroad conductor is represent
as saying, g,-INDIANAPoLIs FIFTEEN MINUTES
FOR DIVORCES That mornings State Jour.
nal acknowledged the force of the carieature,
but suggested tha, injustice might have been
done to Chicago
Az invalid son of Bacchus was about to
undergo an operation for dropsy at the hands
Of bis physicians 80 father, father "
screamed a son of the patient, who was look.
ing on, ''do anything else, but don't let them
tap you. 'But, Sammy said the father,
.'it will do me good, and shall live many a
year after 10 make you happy" mo, faith
er you won't. There was never anything
10 our house that lasted longer than week. y
A STEAMBOAT captain on one of the Ameri-
can lakes was recently feeling his way along
in the dark, when the look out ahead cried
out, Schooner without light" 1t was a
narrow escape; and as the steamer passed
the schooner the captain demanded, "What
are you doing with your schooner here in the
dark without lightP' To his dismay, the
skipper, who was a Frenchman, answered,
''Vat you do here viz your ole steamboat in
three feet of water, eh?' and just then the
steamer landed high and dry on a sand bank.
RIDDLES.
A sailor launched ship of force,
a cargo put therein, of course
No goods had be, he wished to sell
Each wind did serve his term as well
10 neither port nor harbor bound,
His greatest wish to run aground
Ans.-Noah and has Ark.
There was son of Adams race,
Who had certain dwelling place,