Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1869-04-01
Josh Billings on Spring and
Biles.

Biles.
Spring came this year az much as
usual, hail butuous virgin, 5000
years old and upwards, hale and
hearty old gal, welcum tew York
State and parts adjacent!
Now the birds jaw, now the cattle
boiler, now the pigs sllream, now
the geese warble, now the kats sigh,
and natur is frisky; the earnest
pissmire, the virtours bedbug, and
the nobby cockroach, are singing
Yankee Doodle, and coming thru
the rhi.' Now may be seen the
musketeer, that gay outlined cretter
ov destiny, solitary and alone, ex-
amining his last years bill, and now
may be heard, with the naked ear
the hoarse shanghigh, bawl-ing in
the barnyard.
Kittens in the doorway, and
pupys on the green, neighbor chats
with neighbor, and the languid
urchin creeps listless towards the
school. These things are all faust
rate in their place but springs brings
pesl1y 6iles, and plants them care
lessly sometimes among the maid
ems charmes, and sometimes among
the young mems. I kant torlz like
a preshure poet about biles just
now, for have one in full bloom
growing on me almost reddy to
pick, az big az an eggplant, and az
full of anguish az broken heart.
Biles are the sorest things ov
their size on record, and az kross
tew the touch az a setting hen, or a
dog with fresh bone Biles alwus
pick out the handyest place on
you're boldly tew bid their rest,
and if you undertake tew brake
them up, it only makes them mad
and takes them longer to hatch out.
There aint no such thing az coax
ing; nor driving them away. They
are like an impudent bed bug, won't
move, till they hav got their fill.
Biles are az old az religion, Job,
the profit, waz the fust champion
ov biles, and he IL currently re-
ported tew hav more biles, and
more pashunce, to the square inch.
than emmy one, two very rare things
to be found in emmy man.
Biles and pashunce! should az
soon think ov mixing courting and
muskeeters, together, for luxury.
I hav got a CRATE deal more faith
than hav pashunce, but hain't got
enough faith in biles. / woulden't
trust bile, even on one ov m
boots.
1 I think faith iz better artikle
than pashuncc. Faith sumtimes il
an evidence Of brains and pashunce
quite often IL only numbness, bu
don't think in these smoothe shoe
times, it IL best to hav too mutcl
capital invested in either ov them.
But am out of the road. i mus
git back on to biles again.
) If fellow begins tew wander,
and git out ov the straight and mar
row path, it is curious how quick ht
will begin to go to the. Biles
; are very sassy; sumtimes when yel
go to set down, they will git be
tween yer and the chair; this il one
evidence of their i'll breeding, and
had one once plant herself on thu
frunt end ov mi noze, which waz ;
most remarkabel piece ov bad man
ners, for there IL no room on m
noze ennywhare for bile, for wher
it il even ebb tide with my noze, i
covers half ov mi face Biles ar,
sed to be healthy, and guess they
am, for i hav seen some healthy ole
biles, az big az a hornets nest ant
az full ov stings. I always want te
: be healthy am willing tew pay thu
highest market price for a gooe
deal ov health-but if have 2 bile:
on me, awl the time, in order to b.
helthy, i should think that was
bulling the market.
There liz one more smart thing
about biles; they are like twins
they hardly ever cum singly, and
have know them to throw doubl,
skies.
, What! twelve biles on one maj
at time! This is wus than fight
: ing humble bees with your summe
clothes on.
Biles are sed, by the educated ant
correct spoilers Of the land, to be al
operashun of natur tew get rid O
sumthing which she wants to spare
!; This is so without doubt, but i