The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1869-08-29
MoRntHe STAR AND CATHOLIC MESSENGER.
NEW ORLEANS. SUNDAY. AUGUST %. l.sa.
WIT AND WISDOM.

Airs that "put on" never fit.
Preventives of consumption-High prices
Greenbacks are much better than u stiff back.
The most dangerous bat that fes at night is
the brickbat
When is newspaper the sharpestf When
it is filed.
Misery may love company, but it also loves
to get out OF 1T.
SinguIar-to see q garden walk. More sim
eular-to sec horse lily.
When a shoemaker is going to make boot,
the first thing he uses is the last
The preacher who divides his discourse into
too many heads will hardly find ears for all.
"Whose you, my little boy ?" ''I amt
nobody's son Pm Mr.. Thompson's nephew"
The fellow who slept "under the cover of
night" complains that he came near freezing.
An ill-bred man is said to be like lightning
because he doesn't know how to conduct him
self. ~.
The benefit of second marriages-The first
wife being loss, you recover by marrying a
gam ..s
A quack advertses compound that will
cure everything, from bad character to o bad
temper
How is it possible to expect that mankind
will take advice when they will not so much
as take warning
boris prospects used too short fuse, and got
blown up himself.
An old farmer says he never buys butchers
veal. He keeps his own calves, and whenever
he wants meat he kills himself
al know by a little what great deal MEANS"
as gander said when he saw the tip of fox's
tail sticking out of u hollow tree.
Mans happiness is said to hang upon n
thread. This must be the thread that is never
at hand to sew on the shirt button that is
always off.
1t is the opinion of Western editor that
wood goes further when left out of doors than
when well housed. He says some of his went
half q mile.
John. John" shouted an old gentleman to
his son, get up; the-sun is up before YOU"
g Very well, said John, 'he has got further to
|go than we have"
An attempted suicide in Liverpool, when
|arraigned for reprimand, excused his rash act,
on the ground that he had got wet and was
hanging himself up to dry.
An old man at Nashua, who has become en-
tirely blind, being condoled with for his loss of
|sight, consoled himself with the remark that
he had seen enough of this world.
An old bachelor having been laughed at by
a beyy OF pretty girls, told them they We're
replied one of the maidens, but are sweet
ones"
bishop for attending ball, the former replied,
i My lord, l wore mask" "Oh well,n re-
turned the bishop, THAT puts new face on
the affair"
n
badly, keeps clothes-pin underneath her pill
low, and when his snoring awakes her she adj
justs the pin on his nasal organ, and then slum-
bers peacefully.
The penalty for walking railroad track
in England is ten pounds, said one, while dis
|cussing the numerous fatal accidents on a rail
road. "PoohH replied Uncle Jerry, IL is that
all The penalty in this country is death"
During recent recitation on natural his
tory i'll one of our well-known colleges, a stu
dent in the pursuit of knowledge concerning
the habits of animals, said, Professor why
does cat, while eating, turn her head first one
way and then the other p For the reason"
replied the professor, that she cannot turn it
both sides at once"
young man having preached for DR.. Ed
monds one day, was anxious to get a word of
tor, however, did not introduce the subject,
and his younger brother was obliged to bait
the hook for him: az hope, sir, did not
weary your people by the lepgth of my sermon
to-day" mo, sir, not at all-nor by the depth
|elther" The young man was silent.
French lawyer recently defended man
who had stolen a chicken from n barn yard
He said his client was insane " / do not see
II this theft anything that would account for
he mental alienation of the prisoner" said
the president of the court. 81 beg your par
dom" replied the lawyer; this poor fellow is
certainly ins3ne. He stole a wretched hectic
chicken when he might have had nice, fat
|pig."
There was something unexpectedly sarcastic
n the recent reply of criminal, when asked
by the court if he was guilty of larceny NO
sir; are youw Prisoner" said the ruffled
t;la gistrate don't put on RHyai with me, OF
|fll send you down for contempt of court. /
|ask you again, you guilty Pr" And tell
you, no p" But this man says he detected
Snn in the very net of larceny, - Yes, but
Y was fooling him" I" Foeling hirnI How do
you make that ont ?" 'Just making believe,
as You do sometimes" "Sir, what do you
meanW "Why, the other night, when you
were staggering on the street, some folks
thought you were tight but knew you were
|only making beliere."