Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1869-11-12
HlliilOr.

A verse enc don't want to real-Adver-
sity.
Impulence TO ask lawyer if he ever
told lie
Gentlemen engaged to be married are now
politely termed husbands by brevet.
One bumper at parting, as the druukard
said when he ran against the post.
A rep ,rter for a Western paper calls a
maria e license "a preliminary waybill to be
freighted over the sea of life together,
The song of the repentant husband. after
knocking his wife down: Come rest on this
bosom, my own stricken dear
The course of true love never runs smooth
neither does matrimony. for at the vel.y
start there is no wedding without Glitch >
Don't trouble yourself to stretch your
mouth any wider" said dentist 10 the
patient II intend to stand outside to draw
your tooth
"Stubb, my dear fellow, isn't it about
time you repaid me that little loan % 'Au-
gustus, my boy, it isn't question Of time
but question of money.
A mans best friend is dollar or two, says
an exchange. Two dollars or two dollars
and half is better friend-and so on up.
The more, the more SO
4 Liverpool woman, doubtful whethsr
the fire in her stove was out, poured gun
powder on the embers in order to ascertain
the fact. The fire had not gone out, bui
she did, out of the window
An Irishman leaning against a lamppost
as funeral procession was passing by, Was
asked who was dead. Il can't exactly say
sur" said he, "but presume it is the jim
tieman' in the coffin
Not long since a premium was offered by
an agricultural society for the best mode OF
irrigation, and the latter word. by a mistake
of the printer, having been changed to sir
rtation," farmer sepb his wife.
4 naughty little boy, being told by his
mother that God would not forgive him if he
did certain act, replied Eyes, He would
God likes to forgive little boys-that's
shat be is for
IL Will consent to all your DESIRES" said
faeetious lady to her loye, Esen condition
that you give me what you have not. what
YOU never can have, and yet what you can
give me- What did she ask for ? a hus-
band
A young wife demonstrated with her hus-
band, q dissi pated spendthrift, on his con-
duct. my love-" said he. Il am only like
the Prodigal SOM shall reform by and
by" "And 1 shall be like the Prodigal
Son, too, she replied, ''for | will arise and
go unto nay father"
THAT'S So.-A greenhorn standing be-
hind sewing machine at which a young
lady was ct work, looking alternately at
the machine aud It's fair operator at length
gave vent to his admiration with. by
goly it's purity. specially the part covered
with calico" Correct
where was Bishop .Latimer burned to
death r. asked teacher in commanding
voice" s'Joshua knows" said little girl
at the bottom Of the class ''Well" said the
teacher, IF Joshua knows, he may tell y
''In the fire" replied Joshua, looking very
grave and wise.
IRISH Writ is in pcrorations that the
Irish shine MAY the blessings Of the Al
mighty Father foilow your honor ali tn,
days of your life," whined the old hay. a>
she trotted after the gentleman and then,
seeing at last that her entreaty had not lpqy-
ed him, she added, "and never overtaks.
you!"
''Seventy-fv cents per gal" exclaimed
Mrs. Darlington on looking over the price
current "Why bless me, what is the world
coming to, when the gals are valued at sew
anty-fye cents'' The old lady pulled off
her spectacles. threw down the paper and
went into brown study on the want OF a
proper appreciation of the true value Of the
female gender.
Pa, will you get me pair of skates if I
prove to you that dog has ten tails ?"-
Eyes, my son." Well to begin. one dog
has one more tail than no dog, hasn't he ~
Yes ''Well, no dog has nine tails and
il one dog has one more tail than no dog,
then one dog must have ten tails p He got
the skates
4 WARNING a warning to the fashion
ahle-the passion fos dress, about which we
hear 50 much just now. is nothing new
An old satirist thus lampoons the ladies of
this day:
Nv hat is the reason can you guess
why men are poor. and women thinner
So much do they for dinner dsess,
That nothing's left to dress for dinner"
Sake. the joker and poet, was once taking
a tFip on a steamer, when he fell in with
lively young lady, to whom he made HIM
self very agreeable Of course, he made an
impression upon the damsel. who said, at
parting, ''Good-byc. Mr. SAKE fear you'll
soon be forgetting me. Ah, Miss, said the
inveterate punster, '.if was not a married
man already. you may be sure I'd be for
getting you
Archbishop Whately once puzzled num-
Der Of clever men in whose company he was
by asking them this question:
How is it that white sheep eat more than
black o.
Some were not aware Of the curious fact
others set to work. and tried to give learned
and long reasons; but all were anxious to
know the real cause. After keeping them
wondering for some time, he said; 1.-The
reason is, because there are more Of them
A gentleman was Gliding his son for stay
ing ont late at night, and said:
why, when I was of your age, my ia
ther would not allow me to 60 out of the
house after dark"
.Then you had deuce of father, you
had" said the young proaigate.