davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24
Things a Man Can't DO.

JENNIE L. IlAzEN," in the Chicago
an, says there are some things man
can't do, as follows:
Some woman, in sudden burst of in.
genuousncss, has acknowledged that
there are some things which woman
can't do and expresses unbounded adj.
miration for the men who do these
things so deftly.
Well, what if they can do two or
three things better thana woman? for
one, am not going into ccstacies over
them, nor will | make standing eX-
clamation point of myself because they
can "do up bundle and carry an UNI
brella.
Woman can ITO hundred things that
they can't but they never think of max
ing a great fuss over it.
One thing man can't do is to own
up frankly that he can't do everything
better than Il woman can. Another
thing he can't do is, to carry "thc baby"
I'vc tried them and | know. You just
take onc-a baby | mean-and edo it
up" in blankets and shawls, all snug
and nice, and give it to Joseph to car
ry; and while you are putting on your
sacquc and hat just keep your eye
on the baby, and you will see an omi-
nous squirming in the bundle, and hear
certain half-smothercd-but to you we'll
understood Upon investiga-
ton you will find the baby very red in
the face, and its heels where its head
ought to be. You take it and shake it
up a little, give it a soft pat here and
there, and restore it to him fright side
up"
Will he acknowledge it was his fault?
will he confess he don't know now to
carry that baby? not bit of it. He
will insist that you gave it to him
wrong side up, or that it was thcproper
mode of carrying a baby.
Thirdly, as our parson used to say,
about the time that he ought to have
said "seventeenthly and lastly"-he
can't hook up lady's dress at least he
couldn't years ago when ladies wore
them hooked up in the back. There
was always three or four hooks and eye
that | couldn't reach and times without
number I've called upon "my John" t.
hook them. The good clumsy fellow
would tumble away with fingers tina
were all thumbs, while he grew red in
the face with his efforts to make the
"plagucd things hitch," giving it up a
last with, "IIang the things! Why
don't you have buttons as zee do? ?"
Let me think What else is there
that he can't do? He can't make TAFT
ing, or crotchct; hecan't wear crinoline
nor manage two yards of trail ; he cant
wear Il "loveof a bonnet" or balmora
boot and last and best of all, he cant
say "no" to an offer of marriage ant
that's the blessedcst privilege we wo
man have.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24

\ MASONIC PIN.-A good story is
told of Il confident individual, evident
ly well "rcad up" in the mysteries,
who applied at the rcception-room of Il
Boston Masonic Lodge for admission.
An eminent brother, who was quietly
sitting there, but who made no sign
that he was anybody, requested the
stranger TO be seated and he would
send in for proper persons to examine
the credentials of the visitor.
go, it's no matter about that; I'm
all right said the applicant, making
sundry extraordinary passes with his
hands, and contortions of visage.
"That may be, but think they al
ways examine strangers who desire tc
visit the lodge" said the attending
brother.
"Wcll, Pm ready for 'cm," said the
visitor, confidently.
Glad to hear it that is quite III
elaborate hroastpin you have there,
said the other, looking with some inter
est at big gilt letter q, which the Wis
itor had conspicuously displayed upon
his shirt bosom.
"Na-as, that's Il Masonic pin,' repli
ed the wcarcr, swelling out his breast.
"Indeed Letter G-well, suppos'
you know what that means ?"
so, yes-certainly-letter G-Stmid
for JeruSoicm-a sorter headquarters o
Us MHssns, you know"
The querist didn't know it, and tho
plicant, it is almost unnecessary tt
state, did not get any further into tho
lodge.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24
PRICE FIVE CENTS.
Arlisious beading.
TIE CALM OF THE SOUL

WHEN winds are raging DER the upper ocean,
And pillows wild contend with angry roar,
'Tis sald far down beneath the wild commotiou
That peaceful stiffness reigneth eyermorc.
Far, far beneath the noise Of tempests dieth
And silver waves chime ever peacefully;
And no rude storm, how fierce soccer 1t iieth,.
Dlsturbs the Sabbath of that deeper sea
SO TO the heart that knows tiny love, o Purcst!
There is n temple, sacred evcrmorc,
And all the babble OF llfe's angry voices,
Dies in hushed stiffness, at its peaceful door,
Fur, far away, the roar of passion dieth,
And loving thoughts rise calm and peacefully;
And no rude storm, how fierce soe'er it fiieth,
Dlsturbs the soul that dwells, o Lord, in thee.
o rest of rests! peace, serene, eternal
Thou ever livest, and thou changest never;
And in the secret of thy presence dwelleth
Fullness OF joy, forever and forever.
MRS II, b, STOWE,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24
THE COLUMBIAN.
a Democratic Newspaper
IS PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY MoREING AT
BLOoMsBURG, PENN'A.

TlEprinciplcs of this paper are of the Jefferson
ian School of politics. Those principles will never
be compromised, yet courtesy and Kindness shall
not be forgotten in discussing them, whether with
individuals, or with contemporaries Of the Press
The unity, happiness, and prosperity ofthe coun-
try is our aim and object; and as the means to
secure that we shall labor honestly and earnestly
for the harmony, success and growth of our organ
iaation.
TERMS OF SuHsCRIrTioS:-'Two dollars year
If paid in advance. II not paid in advance two
dollars and fifty cents will be invariably charged.
TERMS OF FApvERTIsING :-One square den lines
or less one or three insertions sl,j0 each subsc-
ptr,,i iuy,,ti,,, 5n ,nnts
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24


THE following anccdotc is, of course,
from Paris:
A hali-military anccdote is in circu-
lation. General Cluserct, returning
home late one evening, was attacked
by an armed brigand, The great
strength of the General rendered him
Indifferent to such incidents he seized
Bthemflian by the throat tSRd threatened
to strangle him. On inining tht
captive more c!oselys llIeret recogniA
edhim as persopaA kitA whom he had
already had dealings. Nhy, you ras,
cal, you are. the same man who robbed
my trunk in Algeria of five hundfed
francsW
"Ah, General, but if you knew the
circumstances. They had written to me
from Europe that my poor mother was
dangerously i'll, and ! wanted to send
her some assistance. But entreat you
General, have some pity on me; give
me my liberty this time, and swear
to pass the rest ofmy life in repentance
and repay you thesum | stole from YOU"
The General granted the prayer, let
the fellow go, and thought no more
about the matter. A long time after
wards he received IL box containing five
hundred francs and the following letter
This restitution, General, proves to
you that good action is never lost. To
procure this sum, that | engaged my
self to return to you, | have been oblig-
ed to beat out the brains of two men, to
force three secretaries, and break in the
doors of three Inhabited country houses
You see, General, that benefit is nev'
= CT thrown away"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24

Executors and Administrators Notice $500; Au-
ditor's Notice $50. Other advertisements inscr-
ted according to special contract.
Business notices, without advertisement, twenty
cents per line.
Transient advertisements payable In advance
all others due after the first insertion.
Ca 1t is, in al cases. more likely to be satisiac
tory, both to subscribers and to the Publishers
that remttanccs ana all communications respect
ing the business of the paper, be sent direct to the
Office of publication All letters, whether relating
to the editorial or business concerns of the paper
and all payments for subscriptions, advertising
or jobbng are TO be made TO and addressed
RROCKWAY ~ FREEZE,
"CUltpnbidn O0lcc,"
BLooMSBURG, PA.
Printed at Robisou's Buildings, near the Court
House, by
G. NJ. VANDERSI.ICE.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24

AIR-SusANSAII.
orr fathers made n government,
And fixed II all up right;
The people then were all content,
Their taxes were so light;
The Democrats then had the rule,
The laws they made were just;
They also had another rule
"ln God we put our trust
CIoRus-Thcn our taxes
Were so very light
We always had the cash ON hand.
To pay them of at sight.
While Democratic men did rule,
our income was so great
We had Surplus revenue
To give to every state
The people then were rich and gay
With plenty were content,
And every patriot did say,
God bless the government.
CHo.-Then our taxes, &C.
Now Radicals have made IA debt
More than we can figure,
And they will make IL bigger yet
In Bureaus for the niger;
For now one-half ofall we make
With plow, or spade, or axes
The government Is sure TO take
In the way oftaXes.
CUO.-Now high taxes
Are daily growing bigger
We pay million every week
To feed the idle Niger.
But worliingmen Oi every class
Have now made up their mind
TO give the Radicals pass,
And leave them all behind;
1T will be done now, you may bet
The buttons on your coats,
Then we will pay the nations debt
with lcgal-tcndcr notes..
CIIo.--Thcn our taxes
VIII be SO very light
Wen always have the cash at hand
TO pay them oil at sight.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24

AN UNCHANGEABLE LAND.-Things
do not change in the East. AS Abra-
ham pitched his tent in Bethel, so does
an Arab shill now set up camp; rs
David built his palace on Mt. Zion, so
would Turkish pasha now arrange in
his house, in every street may be seen
the hairy children of Esau ,squatting on
the ground, devouring mess of lem
tils like that for which Thorough hunter
sold his birthright; along every road
trod the sons of Rechah, whose fathers
one thousand years ago, bound them
selves and theirs to drink no wine,
plant no tree, enter within no door;
and their children have kept the oath;
at every khan you meet young men
around the pan of parchcd corn, dip
their morsel in the dish. jobs plow is
still used, and the seed is trodden into
the ground by asses and kline; olives
are shaken from boughs, as directed by
Isaiah, and the grating of trees is un-
changed since the days of Saul. The
| Syrian house is still, rs formerly, only
a stone tent, rs a temple was but a mar
| bic tent. What is seen now in Bethany
may be taken as the exact house Of
Lazarus, where Mary and Martha toll
ed, or as the house of Simon, the lepcr,
where the precious box of ointment was
broken and whence Judas set out to be.
tray his master,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24
ORANGEVILLE DIRECTORY.

DR. o. A. MEGARGEL, physician and surgeon,
~ Main ST., neat door to Goods Hotel. Nl-ni'
DRTCK HOTEL and rcrrcshmcnt saloon, by
ID Ed. Everett cor. of Mainand Pine stNlnl7
CWAN HOTEL, the upper house by John Sny-
y der, Main ST., above Pine. Nl-nl1
n X. K.sLoAN, dealer in dry goods, groceries,
IL. lumber and general Merchandise Main st.
Vl'ni7
GEORGE LAZARCS saddle and harness maker
v Main ST.. above the IVAN Hotel. vl-ni7
w II. SMITH, manufacturer of tin ware and
swan Hotel. yl-ni7
Il Il. w. COLEMAN, Merchant tailor and
"A. Gents furnishing goods, Main ST., next door
to the brick hotel. vl-ni7
NJ s. HAYHURST, Clocks, Watches and Guns
M. repaired. Guns and watches for sale, Main
ST. below Pine. vl-ni7
JAMEs b. HARTMAN, Cabinet Maker, ana I'M
y dertaker. Main St., below Pine. Nl-nF
| MICHAEL c. KELLER, Confectionery, Oyslcrs
M &C.. &c., on Pine ST., bCtwecn Main and Mill.
Nl-nl7
III H&C. KEICHNER Blacksmiths, ON Mil
Ill, Street, near Pine. Nl-nH
WILLIAM DELoNG Shoemakerand manufnc-
w turer of Brick, Mill Si west of Pine Nlnio
ELIAS SNYDER, Flour ana Grist Mil, and
IA Dealer in grain, Mill street.. VIM
EWIS II. SCHUYLER, Iron founder, Machin-
List, and Manufacturer Of plows, Mill StNl-nF
MILES a. WILLIAMS 4 Co., Tanncrsand Man
vi ulHcturCrs of leather MIL street. VIM
JoHN KELLERaBant. and shoemaker, Pine n,ee
- Street. opposite rip9 AM2'NfmS III Nih''
Il, IJERHINee BR9 TIER, Carpenters and
"A. Builders, Mahsst<eet below Pine Nl-nF
C,AMUEL sHA uassIxss Malur orthc IInyhurst
y Grain Cradle. Main 81 -y,c v2n'
NJ. HARTMAN, SADDLE and harness maker
u Ornngeyille obl5tjsitd Ffame church. vl2nll
s..uususx
cATAVisSss]SI iss] l3PIRREcToRy.
C,usQUEHAN NA orBrii k Hotel s. .Kostchaudcr
? proprietor sqlsffessf Main an" SySIh TS.nIg
7 H. GREASY, dry goods, groceries, and gem
y eral Merchandise, Main street. VINE
=. Main Street. v2-nl2
XyrM II. ALBEIT, attorney at law, Main street,
w " v2-nl2
GILBERT Il KLINE, d y goods, groceries, and
U general merchandise, Main Street V2-nl2
KELLER. billiard slloon, oysters, and ice
| cream in season Mail Street v2-nl2
ID +. DALLMAN, Merchant Tailor, Second 81,
ID. Robbins Building. N--hi''
DR.J. X. ROBBINS, Surgeon and Physician,
~ Seco nd ST., below Main. N--hlH'
r b. KIsTLER, "Cattavisa House, )" North West
v Corner Main and Second Streets. v2-nlo.
NJ NJ. BROBsT, dealer in General Merchandise,
MI. Dry Goods, Groceries &c. N2-hlS.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24

STAYING FROM CHURCH TO READ
Some stay away from church to read.
They say they can find better religious
thinking and teaching in their books
than in any of the pulpits near them.
Suppose they can. Do they get the
better .teaching? Are they really at
ho1sfor purposes of religious culture?
~ hey actually growing better, more
iy, by this reading, which keeps
lthem from church? Let them be hon
est with themselves, and see if this is
not Il flimsy excuse for spending their
Sundays, noti in mere religious reading
but over all sorts of books. Even if
they give their Sundays up wholly to
religious reading, they have greatly
mistaken the aim of public Sabbath
services, if they think it can thus be
met at home.
God expressly commands us to"rever-
ence his sanctuary" and promises to
come unto US and bless us there. We
should go to church to worship; to wor-
ship publicly and unitedly, as we'll AS
to receive instruction from the preach
er. Would an Isralite have been held
blameless who never went TO the tenn
pie worship. No other appliance of re-
ligious culture can take lis place. Abol-
ish all church service, and you abolish
Christianity. He who stays regularly
away from church is doing what little
he can to introduce heathenism. He is
contributing his influence towards Sec
ularizing his community. If his way
was universal, irreligion would be DOM
inant, and the nation would slowly
sink back into atheistic barbarianism.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24

FEAR OF FALLING.-T was a ho-
ly man that rarely heard of othermen's
crimson sins, but he usually bedewcd
the place with his tears, considering
that the seeds of those very sins were
in his own nature. In thy nature thou
hast that which would lead thee, with
the Pharisees, to oppose Christ and,
with the soldiers, to cruelty Christ. Oh,
what n monster wouldst thou prove,
should God but leave thee to act suitably
to that sinful and woful nature of thine
81 have known Il good old man." says
Bernard, "who, when he heard of any
one that had committed some notori-
Gus offence, was wont to say within
himself, He fell to-day, so may | to-
morrow" Now, the reason why hum
bic souls keep up in themselves a holy
fear was to preserve them in their up
ward path. "IIappy is the man that
feareth always but he that hardencth
his heart shall fall into mischief"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24
LIGHT STREET DIRECTORY.

DETER ENT, dealer in dry goods, groceries,
i flour, feed salt, fish, iron, nails, etc, Light
Street. Nl-nlj
JTERWILLIGER, Cabnetmaier, Undertaken
y and Chairmaker. Nl-hiO
TOSEPH WALTER Blacksmith, opposite post
v Office. Nl-hiO'
TT +. OMAN & Co., WheCwrightS, first door
Ill above school house. Nl-hlO
MRS. Il. KLINE, millinery and fancy goods.
M vl-nlJ
Tw. SANKEY, dealer in, n,Leather Hides, Bark,
u etc. Cash paid for Hides 20 BlrHy! N-nid
\ +t--44fts41t4- ------
XNM. NJ. ENT, dealer In st tIves and lin ware in
w all its branches. iunYh snnet-3 Vl-niO
TOHN A. OMAN, mantfa1 ttlrer and dealer in
" boots and shoes. Nl-nbl.
I j.. Lesser, NJ. ID. Surgeon ohHd Physician
j Office at Keller's Hotel. ,SIn - v2-n27
ESPY DIRECTORY.
Ia PROPRIETOR 81 Va I Vl2nll
ID +. REIGHARD, Il BRO, deAieislin dry goods,
ID. groceries, and general r'erchandise' NI2hll
7 d. CALDWELL, deniera dry goods, grocer
etc etc ''''-."-' t4'Vu ~ yl2nll
nv w. EDGAR, Susquehanna Planning Mill and
]. Box Mandatory. Nl2hll
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24

| NEW BIsHoPs.-The new Romish
Bishop, Rev. DR.. Shanahan was conse-
Grated for the See of Harrisburg July
| 11th, at the Cathedral in Philadelphia.
Columbia county is within its bounda-
ries. The new Bishop of Scranton was
consecrated at the same time.
Here we have two Romish Bishops
consecrated for territory, over which
the Episcopal Church seems afraid to
put one. Those people have faith as
well as works, while the Church seems
to lack both. Men calling themselves
churchmen, in Luzerne, opposed a new
diocese. Others, wiser than we, occupy
the ground. Rome by her energy and
labor deserves success. Can we of the
| Church say as much for ourselves? +.
-"Eternity has no gray
hair" The flowers fade, the heart
withers, man grows old and dies, the
world lies down in the sepulchre of
ages, but time writes no wrinkle on the
brow of eternity. Eternity! Stupen-
dous thoughts The ever present, un-
decaying, and undying-the endless
chain, comprising the life of God-th
golden thread, entwining the destinies,
of the universe. Earth has its beauties,
but time shrouds them from the grave;
its honors, they are but rs gilded sepul-
chres: its possessions, they are but toys
of changing fortune; its pleasures, they
are but bursting bubbles. Not so in the
untried bourne. In the dwelling of the
Almighty, can come no footsteps of
decay. Its day will know no darken
ing-ctcrnal splcndor forbids the APP
proach of night. Its foundations will
Dever fail; they are fresh from the eter
nal throne. Its glory will never wane,
for there is the ever present God. Its
harmonies willncver cease; eXhaustlcss
love supplies the song.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-07-24

nR. o. A. MEGARGEL, physician and surgeon,
~ Main ST., neat door to Goods Hotel. Nl-ni7
DRfCK HOTEL and rcfrcshmont saloon, by
ID Ed. Everett. cor. of Mainand Pine st.Nlnl7
C,WAN HOTEL, the upper house by John Sny-
y der Main ST , above Pine, Nl-ni7
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1868-05-08
How a RevivaI BEGINS.

AS no church has any surer indica-
ton of decline than a declining prayer
meeting, SO nothing marks the approach
of a revival SO unerringly as the place
of prayer. A revival begins there
generally. The deserted seats are fill
ed, and SO are the deserted hearts.
Those who could not leave their bust
ness, manage to close up their shops OF
their ware-rooms to hasten to the at
tractive spot. Absent Thomas is on
hand punctually. There is magnet in
the prayer-room, and it draws. Those
who come have something TO say, both
to each other and to the prayer-reading
God. The gift of tongues has descend
ed. The timid grow bold to ask; the
slow of speech become eloquent; the
frozen souls melt into penitence; CON
versions multiply; old wounds and
quarrels heal up; and the pastor rejoiees
to see latent power of faith and activ-
ity developed that he had hardly dream
ed Of. The church is kindled to its
farthest extremity, aud all from the
central penetrating heat of the prayer
gathering.-Rev. z. L. Colyer.
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1868-05-08
ges of Animals.

The average of cats is Is years; of
squirrels and bares, 2 or 8 years; of
rabbits, 2; bear rarely exceeds 20
years; a dog lives 20 years; wolf 20;
a fox, IA to l6; lions are long lived, the
Eene known by the name Of Pompey
lived to the agsof 70; elephants have
been known, it is asserted, to live to
the great age of 400 years. When
Alexander the Great had conquered
Porus, king of India, he took great
elephant, which had fought very vail
antly for the king, aud named him
Ajax, dedicated him to the sun, and
let him 60 with this inscription: "Alex-
ander, the son of Jupiter, dedicated
Ajax to the SUM-" The elephant was
found with this inscription $50 years
after. Pigs have been known to live to
the age of 20, and the rhinorceros to
20; horse has been known to live to
the age of so, they average 25 to 80;
camels sometimes live to the age of
100; stays are very long lived; sheep
seldom exceed the age of 10; COWS
live about IS years. Cnvier considers
it probable that whales sometimes live
1000 years; the dolphin and porpoise
attain the age of 80; an eagle died at
Vienna at the age of lO4; ravens fre-
quently reach the age of 100; swans
have been known to live 100 years.
Mr.. Malerton has the skeleton of a
swan that attained the age of 200 years.
Pelicans are long lived; a tortoise has
been known to live l07.
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1868-05-08
PendietOn Repudiated. i.

The New York Citizen, edited by
Col. Halpine, g Mi les O'Reilly,p is the
recognized organ of the War Democrats
who still adhere to the Copperhead
organization. That journal speaks out
thus of the gentle Pendleton:
ave say distinctly, positively, and
uuchangeably as the laws of the Medes
and Persians, that never will those for
whom We speak, help directly or in
directly, by assertion or silence, by
action or idleness, the election of the
utter copperhead and falss-hearted
Northerner, George H. Pendleton. Un-
til water runs up hill, until trees grow
with leaves underground and roots
above, until the moon gives heat and
the sun loses its fire, until beasts. be-
come men and angels turn to devils,
until ice shall burn and fire shall freeze,
until every thing that is impossible
becomes pcssible, and not then, will
War Democrats vote for the man who
was false not only to his country but to
his section, who was conspicuous only
as degrading example of possible
Northern meanness, and who, by his
indirect support to their foes, slew their
sons and brothers Rather, thousand
times, would they see the loyal soldier
and moderate Republican, General
Grant, in the Presidential chair, per-
son who, if not agreeing with them in
all their views, is much more nearly
their representative than a copperhead
whose prudence kept him from being
a traitor?"
What do our Western Democrats
think of this portrait of their candidate; ;
painted, too, by an orthodox Democratic
The nomination of Pendleton means
the disruption of the party.
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1868-05-08

We have known some farmers make
it a regular practice for succession of
years to throw caustic lime around their
apple trees in the spring and summer.
We once noticed that tree standing in
the immediate vicinity Of our dwelling
had all at once put forth with renewed
energy, and we were at loss for some
time to define the cause. On examina-
ton we found that quantity of lime,
which had accidently been spilled, and
rendered worthless by becoming mixed
with the refuse on the stale floor, had
been thrown at the foot and around the
tree, and to this, as the principal cause,
we Immediately accredited the re-
.yivescence and renewed qualification Of
the tree.
Taking the hin from the incident we
purchased twelve casks of lime, and ap-
piled half bushel to each of the trees
in our orchard, and found that it pro-
duced immediate beneficial effects. Not
the health of the tree only, but the
quality of the fruit also was greatly i'm
proved. This application will be es-
pecially beneficial in soils where there
is a redundancy of vegetable matter.
We would advise our farmers in some
places, especially in new forest lands
recently cleared, and on low lands, 10
make trial of this experiment. and see
whether it is not deserving of the high
recommendation it secures.-Er.