The Charleston daily news. [volume] (Charleston, S.C.) 1865-1873, 1868-12-25
THE STORY OF Blue BEARD.
Rv the "Fat Contributor"

self enormously rich as 'whiskey inspector
or something OF that sort. dou't know PIE
cisely where he lived, but think he lived most
ly in the i'm aginatiop.
had horses and run them, andln fact run a1ou
everything in his ncighborhosd, lneludlni
running for Office and with the girls; for at tn
time Of which I write he was gay wiaoWer
he had great quantities OF greenbacks, eorne
lots, oil stock, bonds and things, but ne wa
hideously ugly, and had withal an enormou
blue beard, frightful to contemplate, whicl
gave to him the eognomen OF Blue Beard, b.
which he was known to the country rount
about, as well as to the country that had lalt
off its roundabout, and consequently was Il
its shirt sleeves.
Blue Beard grew weary of living IN soltar.
magnifcence in his lofty castle, and finding
that he was getting bluer and buer every day
he determined to marry. Having been mar
ried half dozen times-taken half doZeI
raw ones, as one might say-he was natural
ly quite miserable when deprived OF the gen
tie influences of the sex fer any length O.
time.
One of his neighbors was q widow lady, who
had two very beautiful and highly accomplish
ed daughters. They could play the piano harp
and seven-up, and work embroidery and plan
chette elegantly.
TO this widow lady Blue Beard applleaa i tol
daughters, leaving her to decide which one
she Tould give him. Although the stamps
he had pleaded loudly in his favor,Shs they do
vet, although this was great many years ago,
vet that dreadful beard was against him, and
neither of the young women desired to have 1t
AGAINST her. Blue wasn't fashionable for
boards; if it had been it might have been diff
ferent. One of them wept bitterly because 1t
would be several hundred years yet before hair
dye would be discovered, so that he could have
his whiskers colored.
Another circumstance rendered them shy OF
him. He was having wedding every once IN
whileat the castle, but no funerals We'd
ding cake had been ordered from the confec-
tioners several times, but no undertaken had
had 9 ;ob there yet. No matter how many
times man is left a widower, if he cores
pondingly patronizes ssme respectable owner
Of o hearse; but repeated wedlock with
out funerals is certainly suspicious clrcum'
stance.
Blue Beard cunuingly invited the family and
their friends to the castle, where they passed
the week so delightfully."- that the youngest
daughter began to think blue was pretty
good color for whiskers after all, particularly
establishment as that, where they had three
meals day, besides lunch every morning
from ten o'clock until eleven. She looked with
contempt on q red-whiskersd beau Of hers
she used to think perfectly splendid" and
actually asked him Why he didn't Grub indigo
INTO EN- Line upSuOb VI buO pQs!uObS Md53
she consented to become Mrs. b. Beard,
and the wedding was celebrated with great
At tho expiration Of the honeymoon, Blue
Beard pretended to his wife that business Of
importance called him away to distant city.
He would be absent for several weeks, and in
the meantime she could invite company and
enjoy herself as much as possible. Rc gave
her bunch Of keys, enabling her at any tlme
to open his SAFE and feast her eyes upon the
diamonds (he loaned money on collateral"
sometimes,) sreenbacks, seyen-.hlrtles, rove
nue stamps and receipted gas bills deposited
there-also giving access to the wine cellar,
store room, picture gallery, billiard room, ten
pin alley, corn house, &c, &c. But one little
kew opened o room IN the basement that she
must not approach save upon her peril. bhe
promised, and no took q street car for the de-
pot.
the Injunction against certain tree in Eden's
orchayI and partook of Rhode Island pippin,
thereby introducing various thing. into the
world never before dreamed OF, curiosity has
been an absorbing passion with the fair sex,
and We need hardly inform the intelligent rea-
Ger that her husband was scarcely out OF sight
before Mrs. B. b. had UNLOCKED the door or the
forbidden room.
But what o spectacle met her afrishted
gaze There, suspended on hooks like so
many gowns in clothes-press, were the bodies
of the murdered Mrs. Blue Boards, whose
funerals had been indefinitely postponed,
while the floor was clotted with their blood. ]
Sso s,..o " .c...s. lave swooneu, put the phrase
wasn't known at the time. Terribly agitated,
she dropped the key on the floor, staining 1t
with blood, which she was afterward unable
to wash cut, even with the aid OF patent
wringer.
Blue Beard returned unexpectedly, as every
body might have expected, and the blood upon
the kew told Inc story Of his wifes disobedience;
for blood, you know. swill tell"
"Must he cried in w1inginns nscoms his hapas Wd
of welded BLISS drawing his cimeter and
c,refully feeling its edge) must this latest
and dearest ono bo torn from my arms,
and left aloue-alonep Bo-ho-ho-hoo!"
ssNot if can help it," remarked Mrs. b. to
herself. D.,
blubbered, as he proceeded 10 whet his scythe
on the stove hearth, ''to glad me with its soft
black eve, but when it came to know me we'll"
Snow, Blue Beard, don't want to dle."
"Prepare!" yelled Blue Beard, enraged that
she did not at once accept the situation.
:tSince must die," said she, grant me Q
quarter Of an hour in which to write farewell
letter to the press"
He could not refuse so reasonable request,
go he granted it. although he was not originally
e. Grant man. Going to her room, she told her
sister Anna to ascend to the top OF tho tower
and see is her brothers (who, supposing Blue
Beard was away, were coming to smoke his
cigars and drink up his whiskey,) were yet IN
sisht. There was o cloud of dust in the road,
but it was only flock Of sheep on their way to
the State Fair.
"Tme's up!" shouted Blue Beard, who
didn't think much Of writing letters to news-
papers, anyhow. -,
"Only enc m oment mora. Anna. oh, Anna"
he1ssfty cried, 'do you SEQ anybody coming
down now 2"
sI see two horsemen. They seq me wave
nv handkerchief. It is-it is sam and Bill !"
Then Blue Beard rushed in with his drawn
: sword (he had drawn it at gift show, and
was about 10 dispatch her to the happy crokay-
ing grounds of her sex, whom her brothers
Sam and Bill drove in and blow old Blue
Boards brains out with double-barrelled bowie
knives.
The Widow 8. inherited his money, together
with the remains Of his other wives, with
which she was enabled to set up Nuseam OF
Anatomy, tiually marrying SIDE snowman.
Her sister Anna was united to gentleman by
the name of Do.ainy, becoming Anna Domlny,
thongh what wear this was cannot say. Blue
Reards went out with the eminent and exces-
siye widower OF thai name, and hayn't peen IN
since to my knowledge.
w-The two men, Monti and Tognetti, were re-
Gently dscapi.atod IN Rome, for having blown
mn the I,errlstori barracks on tho 22d Ut Oeto-
her Of last year, causing the death OF twenty