Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-08-18
The OHIO.
A single flea bachelor

A single flea bachelor!
Going out with the tied-attending we'd
ding.
Carpets are bought by the yard and worn by
the foot
Toeing out craft-kicking a blackleg down
stairs. ''>
A small town is where there are many tongues
to talk, and but few heads to think.
A fine head Of hair is an attraction, but a
fine head of brains is of more account.
A radical editor says Colfax is of revolution
ary stock. So are all the radicals.
A fond father says if he has to marry off an
other daughter he will take the benefit OF the
bankrupt act.
Adam is claimed as having belonged to the
fraternity of provision dealers, as he early en-
gagged in disposing Of spare rib.
A boy in one of our public schools, having
been told that reptile was an animal that
creeps," on being asked to name one promptly
and triumphantly replied, "a baby
What is that which is perfect with head,
perfect without head, perfect with a tail, per
feet without tail Perfect with both head
and tail, and perfect with neither. A wig.
GEO. WAsHINGToN-Firsti in war, first in
peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.
u. S. GRANT-First in drinking, first In
smoking, and last in the hearts of his country
men.
"Look heah, Pete," said knowing dar-
kew. don't stan dar on de railroad" why,
Joe ?" "Kase if de cars see dat mouf of yourn
oping, dey will tiuk it am de depot and run rite
into 1t.
A gentleman was praising the beautiful hair
misses who always have a word to say remark
ed: 81 guess my hair would look as we'll if I
took as much care of it. Mamma never sleeps
in her hail"
A little five year old, who was hungry one
night recently just at bed time, but didn't wish
to ask direct for something to eat, put the pro-
dren who starve to death happy after they die?''
A good big slice of bread and butter was the
answer.
A gentleman was about completing the sale
of horse which he was very anxious to dis
pose of, when little urchin appeared, and in
uocently inquired GRANDPA, which horse you
Yesterday to make him draw" The bargain
was at an end
An anecdote comes from Paris of an English
man, who, when out riding, met another who
was very deaf Riding I see as usual" yelled
the good natured Mr. X. land how is your
wife?"
Just bought her, replied the other, land
she is baddish lot You know me- [ never
kept them if they didn't suit me, and I shall
get rid Of her next week.
81 wander into the depths of the forest, -
SAYS Sambo and nature was as a lady going
to de wedding. De leaves glistening on the
maple tree like a new quarter dollar in de mis-
sionary box; de sun shones as brilliant and ma
ture looked as gay as rabbit in parsley gar
den; and de little bell round de ole sheep's
neck tinkled softly and unsteady in the dis
lance"
An eight-hour day man, in going home the
other evening for his supper, found his wife sit
ting in her best clothes, on the front stoop,
reading volume of travels 'How is this p
he exclaimed. Where's my superb II dc
not KNOW" replied the wife, Il began to get
breakfast at six clock this morning, and nv
eight hours ended at two P. NJ" He thought
it very good joke, but don't care about her
keeping it up.
An ecstatic lover thus appeals to his tender.
hearted ducinea for parting smack. Terribly
tragical and sublimely retributive will be the
course pursued by me, if you do not instanta
neously place thy sweet alapaster lips to mine
and enrapture my immortal soul by imprintinc
angelic sensations of divine bliss upon indispen
sable members Of the human phisogomy, and
then kindly condescend to allow me to take nv
departure from the everlasting subiimty of thy
thrice glorious presence! Nancy tainted.
An editor recently alleged the following as
the cause of the death Of lady:
The autopsy revealed extensive cardiac dis
ease, hypertrophy complicated with aneurism
of the aora just below its bifurcation The
deceased lady husband was almost driven mad
in trying to comprehend the real cause of death
when doctor stepped in and saved his sanity.
by considerably telling him it was heart dis,
ease.
A gentleman was trout-fshing on the sides
of "Old Saddleback," mountain in the int.
rior of Maine, hundred miles from the coast.
Supposing himself ten miles from village, and
half as far from house, he was surprised by
hearing the blows of an axe Soon he came to
a small clearing, where the landlord of the axe
rveyed him with some curiosity.
'Halloo, strangerl' said he.
How are you, sir?'
We'll, now, stranger, where be you from pr
s'I'm from New York
''From New York Why I should think YOU
would hate to live so far off
Toadses
will hurriedly state that the toad is do
magic animal or oop ho ,ooJo - l.