, 1868-01-03
NUMBER q.
Unpopular Lectures, by Uba Dam,

nouSG MES II suppose that no man who has
arrived at the years Of understanding can look
back upon bis days Of puppyhood without a
souuder' They constitute green spot-in mem.
orys waste which we would fain forget. The
msseuine human 10 bis turning state is a sight
sickening to behold. But there is a stage of ex.
istsnee extending over. a space Of two or tbrea
years, between the outer stages of boyhood and
the hrst stages Of manhood, which a masculine
has to travel noieHs VoleRs. Ii is out of the bo
nighted souls in this probationary state that |
now propose to speak.
therefore assert it as an incontrovertable fact
| that the most disgusting creature in the animal
kingdom is bob-tailed specimen of bumani,v
after be sheds the tail Of polly ogism and before
he attains the legs of frog hood Yet is he az
unconscious Of what ails him" as is a sucking
babe Of Infant damnatipn.
Puppyhood is obtrusive, noisy, and given to
extreme opinions which it volunteers on all oc>
casions. II pervades all circles Of society, but
never loses its identity
The fast" young man is the most common
type of this nuisance. He frequents billiard and
drinking saloons, and is readily recognized bV
bis tailless coat, and the various noises he
makes. He claims to be posted on all subjects,
and on all horse questions he is ready to back
his opinions with his money. When be is not
whistling he will be heard swearing loudly and
awkwardly. He patronizes the drama and is
audible, but not always classic or chaste in his
CRITICISMS. He knows exactly where an actress
is padded and exactly how much. lie is terror
TO superuumeraries and sets up frantic cries of
soup whenever they appear. He INDUCES in
practical jokes upon the apple boys, and rudely
sares at the ladies before spattering their dress
es with tobacco juice. He regards tobacco in
all its forms as great developing agent of man,
hood. de takes kindly to strong drink, and
considers having been "drunk as the deyilp the
night before matter fit to boast Of in the circles
of his admirers
You may take any twenty Of this style of SWELL
neads, and 10 that number you will not be able
to mud two that could start even with the world
and support himself honorably for one year
The moral puppy is not so wicked perhaps
yet he is dose. In dry goods stores and other
places where eloquehce combined with good
looks are most effective, be commonly welds his
scepter. Although selling goods may be his
ostensible aim, marrying fortune is the great
ooJect OF his life. Consequently be keeps a
sharp lookout for an eligible candidate whom,
being found, trust him for the balance In orr
der to keep bis subjugating powers in effective
order, be does not scruple to practice his arts
upon aldolescent damsels who drop in to cheap
EN- dry goods. While extolling the excellence Of
the fabric with his deluding tongue, his eyes are
dartiug pythian glances into the bosom of the
fascinated maiden across the counter.
He is a power at Sabbath schools and bible
classes. He not unfrequently astonishes the el>
ders by bis novel exposiions Of abstruse and
hitherto doubtful passages of scripture. His
commentaries upon the writings of st. Paul would
make that chief of Saints, could he hear them,
again exclam:
al am debtor both to the Greeks and to the
Barbarians; both to the wise and to the unwsel"
AT small social parties our moral puppy is in
his glory and is invaluable to the reigning belle
as ge5teel servant and a target for her stock
of wittclsms. But if you would see and hear
him in his might, you must get him up in a de-
batting society. No other farce can compare
with that. But it has drawback. 1t takes
you back to your own days of puppyhood and
suggests suicide-LouisuiIle Courier.