Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1868-02-29
RIFLES EOIR COulsTaN<s.

The following good advice on the above
subject is from the pen of John Quill, who
seems to have had rather blissful expert
ence in such matters
Having had much experience in the
science of counting, | have determined here
with to lay down some definite rules for
the guidance of my young friends You
see had a good many unsuccessful courts
before met my wife, the females whom
loved having gone emphatically back on
me. But, bless you, did it harm me 2 No,
it didn't. l was benefited thereby, and
when met my wife l knew the ropes, and
gathering up my affections, made one fell
swoop on Sallies heart, and the door there.
of banged wide open and let me in. will
give you the rules and shed the sunny light
ofillustration upon them from my own life.
First Never go counting the girls pa.
rents You'd better edge up to the charmer
at once, for you can't marry her if you don't
try, unless she wants you, and you may be
able to, even if the old folks are hard on
you.
This is the policy pursued myself in my
last unsuccessful attempt.
Second. By all means get the girls ma
down on you as much as possible. If the
old lady is always blowing against you, the
little dear begins to take your part, and
can't help loving you.
did this way, and my present mother in.
law used to throw brooms and washbcards
at me, and teach the dog to bite me in the
trowsers as climbed over the fence.
Third. If you see any Others prowlng
about euchre them if you can. If you see
one of them buy tickets for the opera, go
up and make an engagement with the girl,
and get your tickets afterwards; but, when
they visit the house, always act as if you
were at home and they were only visitors,
and never leave first.
Ialways did this. and have frequently sat
until daybreak, while the fair one snored
away on the sofa. You can't bluff me. No
sir ha ! ha l guess not. | would have
been there yet if the fellow had stayed.
| Fourth. If the old man has worldly
wealth, express dislike to greenbacks, and
hankering after love in small house.
Fifth. If you are long in the parlor, you
may sometimes try if your arms bit well Oh
her waist.
| tried this once, and called forth pier
cling scream, which induced her heavy
father and two brothers to chuck me down
the front stairs. So you oe careful.
! Sixth. When you inquire If she will have
! you, don't fall on your knees. It's ridicu
lous, besides being rough on trowsers. Jus
take her hand and speak out like man.
behaved similarly to this TO q female
and said to her:
"Will you be mine 2"
She replied rather abruptly;
mot much, | won't !"
It's likely she would have been littl,
timid, but did not care about pursuing
the subject any further.
Seventh. When you are engaged, don
go off like an old jackass and begin buying
teaspoons, and washboilers, and candles. /
is very unwise, and eXcites comment.
Why, recollect, was once so glad thai
went right off and purchased a baby
while ere those things were necessary, anl
the by-jumper had shrunk so that whel
we put the first of the little Quills into it
it suddenly jcrked up, and came irightfull
near battering the devoted child's brain
out against the ceiling, while the gum, ring
which had been kept in box with cock
roach poison, threw the baby into fits, AM
he--it was boy-had spasms in the cri
for four days.
Eighth. If girl refuses you, don't Civ
it up, but Try again. Because two negative
make one affirmative in grammar, however
don't consider yourself accepted when
girl jilts you twice.
, asked one female forty-one times, an
at last she got to expectwhenever CAM an
would sometimes holer out No !" from til
top of the stairs, before got fairly into til
house. This is unusual, let me here remark
Ninth. Kiss all the children in hous
even if they are dirty, and smear molasst
, candy in your hair. Let the boy play hous
with you and make fool of you general,
This always works. It's trump card
you play it right.
Tenth. And finally, if there are two 81
1 tiers and the old one is jealous, get son
\ one to choke her off, while you so in for tt
younger.
5 did that once, and used to get frieu
e to ask the senior out for the evening, b,
she found me out, and used to arrange h
t hairpins in the sofa cushions before 81
; went out, so that it was extremely uncou
e Portable.
a Thus it will be seen that when courtsh
J is alluded to, am right there. If any fu
e ther information is wanted, send me lett
q enclosing stamp, (ffty cents) and ! VI
, cheerfully give it gratis.
y o