The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-12-04
dTrit ats Dutttnr .

- a question: UildL has never DBen |
answered yet. Where is the police p
Punch.
- Arithmetic in wax w0rk-redu-
cling Washington and Napoleon into
figures.
-. 1t does not follow that man
d.slikes his bed because he turns his
back upon it.
- s.Let us have peace" as the fell
low said when he locked his wife up in
the coal cellar.
When two gentlemen fight du-
ell, each of them is man after the 9TH
er's own heart.
A question for the horse guards
what is the use of seat of war for a
standing army?
- Surely that man may be envied
who can eat pork chops for supper and
sleep without grunt.
- Next to twenty-four grains there
is nothing worse than mean mans
pocket to make penny weight.
- The most direct method of de-
tcrmining horse power-stand behind
and tickle his legs with a briar.
"Look we'll before you leap,n is
very good advice in its way, but how
can sickly people follow it
- An old lady hearing of pedes-
TRANS great feat. wondered why they
didn't interfere with his fast walking.
- A great poet says ''the noun
tains stand fixed forever" We know
however, that it is no uncommon thing
for them to slope !
-s 'Isn't your bill awful steco ?''-.
inquired spendthrift of his tailor
"You ought to know best, for it was
run up by you," was the cool reply.
- At a recent dinner of shoemak-
ers, the following toast was given: "may
we have all the women in the country
to shoe-and all che men to boot.
- A student in the course of exam
nation, was asked, spray, Mr.. 4. how
would you discover a fool ?" "By the
question he would ask" said Mr.. E.
- An article announcing the de-
cease of q person says: "His remains
were committed to that bourne whence
40 traveller Ieturns attended by his
friends.
- An !ncorrigible wag who lent
minister horse, which ran away and
threw his clerical rider, thought he
spreading the gospel.
- booty fellow was observed the
other day driving hog which he had by
the tail, and on being asked what he
was doing, he replied that he was stu
dying photography.
Singular and Plural-If pair
of stockings are hose, is single stock
Ing hoe If a pair of glasses are spec
ctacles, is one spectacle? And II so,
is it not bad show for a sight.
- A writer in the New York Citi-
zen says: NIf Plymouth Rock had
landed ON the Pilgrim Fathers it would
have accomplished something worth
talking about
- The latest definition of spade is
shat agricultural Implement OF inven-
tive genius admirably adapted for re-
volving the superintendent mould of
the tellurian humus."
- "Tom," said chap the other day
"did you hear that Ned Craught had
the brain fever ?' Eyes, but / don't
believe it," "Why 7" Because don't
think there is any foundation for eth
er the fever or the report
- Some one wanting to be witty
on a gentleman. with long mouth, ask
ed him If he had q long lease Of that
mouth of his, when he was good humor-
edly answered, mo only hive it from
year to year.
- A chap from the country stop
ping at one of our hotels, sat down to
dinner. Upon the bill OF fare being
handed him by the waiter, he remarked
that he "didn't care about readin' now,
he would wait till after dinner"
- A greenhorn seeing for the first
time pair of shutters. asked:
"What's them fur. ;"
''To snuff the candle"
$40 snuff the candle ?'
The candlejust then needed attention
and with his thumb aud with his thumb
and finger he pinchnd off the snuff, and
carefully put 1t into the snutfer, saying:
swell now, them's handy"
-"Why, Uncle Dewlittle, how dew
you dew? How does Aunt Anna dew,
and what is she doing now? Dew tell
us all the news. Come, dew set up tew
the table and dew as we dew; dew help
yourself dew and dew take some, and
dew not make me dew all the talking,
for shant dew it. Now dew say SOM
thing dew.
"0h, dew dry up dew" said the old
man sseive me a half a chance to say
something, dew"
An Arab woman was asked =
uWhat do you think of young man of
twenty years ?"
"He is boquet of jasmine"
Sand of man of thirty ?''
"He is a ripe and well-flavored fruit.
Sand one of forty ?"
ale is a father of boys and girls"
ia nd one of fifty ?"
AHe may pass into category OF
preachers"
sand one of sixty" roa
s'He is good for nothing bnt to cough
and groan."
- Jim Smith was a noted auction
Ger. One day he was selling farm stock.
Among the articles he sold was a beif-
or very attractive in her appearance,
and consequently Jim dwell quite eX-
tensIvely on her exeellencies, winding
up his elegan. flourish that she was as
''gentle as lamb.,
Thereupon long slab-sided country
man, whose legs were some twelve in
ches longer than his pants, approach
ing the Reifer, STOPPING down commen-
ced handling her teats. Bessy not rel
ishing such familiarity, lifted her hoofs
and laid "Greeny" sprawling some ten
feet off.
@There," said Jim, s'thot shows one
of her best traits she will never allow
a strange calf to come near her :"
Greeny, meanwhile picked himself up
and giving his busby pate narrowing
scratch, exclaimed: "No wonder, when
her own calf has been bleating around
har all fav =,