Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-04-24
Wise md Otherwise.


re not used to it, and dull work for
hose who are.
IL you wish for care, perplexity,
md misery, be selfish i'm all things;
his short road to trouble.
What is the difference between a
ways lays at pleasure, the other plays
at leasurc.
"Nasby" remarks, in private
note: "There is good deal oratory
in me but don't do ns well as can
In any one place, out of respect to the
memory of Patrick Henry"
Weston, the walkist, has sue
ceeded in achieving his 100 miles in
side of "a hours. That is tall pedes-
trianism, and he must have thrown
his whole sotc into the work to do 1t.
Said crazy woman to a penurious,
stingy man: "Do you see that man ?
You could blow his soul through a
humming birds quill into mosqui-
to's eye, and the mosquito wouldn't
wink.n
Three and sixperce per gall" ex-
claimed Mrs. Darlington, looking
over the price current. sWhy, bless
me, what Is the world coming to
when the gals are valued at only
three and sixpence?'
Josh Billings, on preaching, saws:
always advise short sermons, es-
pecially on a hot sunday. If min
lister kant strike lie in forty minutes,
he has either got poorgimlet, or else
he is boring in the wrong place."
The woman who fails to reform a
man OF the habit of drinking while
engaged to him, will have mighty
task to do SO after marriage. Think
OF this, young women. Better re-
main single than marry man who
loves liquor.
Asas choolmaster was employed the
other day, in Scotland, i'm his delight
full task of teaching a chary urchin to
cipher on the slate, the prococious pu-
pill put the following question to his
instructor: "Whaur did "a the fipu res,
gang till when they're rubbit out?'
Some lady writer in the BROOKLYN
IotCdn says: .'The signs of the times
are pregnant with matrimony. The
winds whisper it, the forest echo 1t,
and the stars tremble for joy" Pow
esheik county may be able to stand
such q rumpus of the elements as
that, but for our part we should pre-
fer the old-fashioned tornado or bur.
ricane.
Il shall die happy" said the ex-
piring husband to his wife, who was
weeping most dutifully by the bed
side, ''if you will only promise not to
mary the object of nv unceasing
Jealousy, your cousin John.n "Make
yourself quite easy, love-" said the
expectant widow, al am engaged to
his brother" -
Facts are stubborn things said a
lawyer to q female witness under ex-
animation The lady replied: eyes,
stree, and SO are women, and if you
get anything out of me, just let me
Know IL. you'll be committed for
contempt "Very well, I'll suffer
Justly, for l feel the utmost contemp t
for every lawyer present."
THE Sort IMPEAcHMENr.-This Ia
what President johnson has invited,
ana what he Is now receiving. In
his capacity of tailor he has so,cs the
wind, and rs retailer, he is reapinp
the whirlwind. Long may he live to
repent his betrayal Of the trust re-
posed in him as President of a free
and enlightened Republic.
Two widowers were once condolinp
together on their recent bereavement
OF their wives, when one of them ex-
claimed with a sigh;
"Well may bewail my loss, for
had SO few differences with the fair
deceased, that the last day of my
marriage was as happy as the first. y
There surpass you,n said his
friend, "for the lest day of mine was
the happier"
We learn from the Mt. Pleasant
Journal that young lady in that vi
cinity, recently brought her tardy
lover to time, by the following point
ed note:
"DEAR BILL Come right off If
your coming at all; Edward Kelder-
man is insisting that / shall marry
him, and he hugs and kisses me SO
continually that can't hold out
much longer" Bill come on "a rum
ming"
WAKING GRANDMA WITH A KISS.
"A sweet little incident is related by
q writer. She says, asked little
boy last evening": Have you called
your grandma to tea?n "Yes. When
went to call her she was asleep, and
i didn't know how to wake her. /
didn't wish to. halloa at grandma, nor
to shake her; so i kissed her cheek,
and that woke her very softly. Then
1 ran into the hall, and said pretty
loud, Grandma, tea is ready And
she never knew what woke her,
The other day, a young man living
In this vicinity who is more indis-
Greet than wise, made confident of
a fair young Miss who soon after
wards betrayed him by revealing to
a friend the secret he had intrusted
to her keeping. Being very much
chagrined at her course, he emphati-
caliy remarked that "he was now
convinced of the old adage, that a
woman cannot keep secret and
that If he ever became engaged to q
young lady, he would not enlighten
her on that fact!"
An exchange tells of lady who
went shopping, promising her little
son she would get him a cocoa nut.
She procured one with the husk on,
in which state he had never seen one.
On arriving at home she gave it to
the boy, who looked at it curiously,
smiled and laid it down. Presently
he said, Mother, where's my cocoa
nut?" IT just gave it to YOU" was
the reply. Taking it up again he
viewed it contemptuously for mo-
ment, and then exclaimed: "That
thing cocoa nut! i thought il was
uaterfallp A very natural mistake.
CRowDING A BACHELoR.-"Wha
did you come here for" inquired
Miss. of this county, of a bachelor
friend who made her call when the
rest were gone out, a few days ago.
II came to borrow some matcher,n |
Ne meekly replied. ss
Matches! That's q likely story! |
Why don't you make a match |? /
know what you came for" exclaimed |
Che delighted miss as she crowded the |
old bachelor into the corner, "you
came to hug and kiss ME almost to
death, but you shan't do it unless
you are the strongest, and the Lord
knows you are!"
A SMALL Iowa FARM.
down Casters, who live i'm neighbor-
n pnAc w hara xvl,nIa |