The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1868-12-31
SQUrin ting.
,eriaI ReUio ~.

Squinting.
From The Imperial ReUicD.
s.squinters, says Timalchio, are born under
the sign of The Archer, aud inherit something
OF the douby-glited nature of their patron.
Hoterd sptotdnt tdrdun tottunL They fix one
eye on bundle of cabbages, and snatch up a
pound of bacon fat that they have spotted with
the other. Two or three servants of that kind
might prove very useful on occasion. And you
cannot make squinter blush, not even If you
catch him in the act. The seat of shame is in
the eye, and people blink when they are not
able to look straight back at their confronters;
but the squnter shifts all his shame into the
eye that is turned away, and looks at you with
the other, coldly, impassively, stonlly. II is
almost impossible 10 get the best of squinter
in private LIE. is she duenna and are you
looking for the chance of moments Irritation
with her fair charge? She turns aside to poke
the FIRE, to pick up her work, to glance out Of
the window.
You seize the happy opportunity, you pass
little note, you get hasty squeeze from a little
hand, you throw the longing OF a life iuto one
eloquent look; and 10 spare eye has been on
you all the while, has interpreted the loving
look, has dilated with horror at the claspng OF
the hands, and has half read the little note.
Are you dining. with Gulosus? Think not that
he is unmindtul of you when he bends over his
plate, or leans back TO drink deep draught of
LATTE. Another eye is doing duty over you,
has ioreseen and frustrated your desire for that
last cote.ehe q la VtconteSSe, and has rendered
utterly futile your efforts to snatch a surrep-
titious tglass. What though you have just told
your best story, have just let off your long.
bottledup joke? Are you, therefore, vain,
"comet" claret in delicious proximity to your
right hand? No. An eye that never sleeps
Is 6oom on yG6u and pm aat to q he nS voice Of
glass, and pass the bottle this way.n Do
you hear an invitation to remain? Think
not it is for you The face may be turned
towards you but the inviting eye is directed
otherwise. Do you hear hint about going
Though you may only see the back of the head
Of the speaker, yet the look, aud the words
acc ompanyrng the look, may be meant for you.
Disregard them not, lest they be repeated with
q particularly OF emphasis aGd gesture that
may make you disagreeaby conspicuous. Take
1t however YOU will, it Is an unequal battle.
You cannot 60 on fighting against man or a
woman who has ole eye for his or her business,
and for affairs generally and another for your
especial behOof. You must give up when there
are against you Slightly altering the words of
our great poet:-
"Everywbere
Two eyes I in soapo .wN beside Dc ,1 the bear be aEh
Two in the liberal offices OF life"
1t is the fashion of the present day to attempt
to utilize everything, including sewage and the
Intelligent working man. Why, then, should we
not utilize the squlnter? Here is fine aeld
for inventive genius, and, as small contribu.
tion, we suggest two vocations in life in which
he might be OF service. He might be wonder
full racing Judge. There is one contingency IN
racing where the ordinary judge is of necessity
helpless. When two horses are running wide
on the far side of the course, and third Is
hnPging the rails on the judges side, II the
three pass the wnningpost almost abreast, it
is physically impossible for the Judge to see
more than two of them. He stands in his box,
and looks straight across at a post on the
opposite side. He can then only see whetever
passes across that particular line of sight
But it is clear that horse passing at the same
| time Immediately under the nose would not
| cut that line of sight at all, especially when
the course is very wide, as. are some of the
! courses at Newmarket. The judge would then
| lCse him, as it is technically called; or If his
| attention was distracted in his favor, he would
| lose the two on the opposite side. We ourselves
| have seen more than one instance OF this at New
! market. Now judge with a powerful squint
could keep one eye fixed on the opposite post
! and the other on the ground just under his feet
! or on any point where horse, running very
! wide of the rest, would pass the winnlng-chair;
and as the two eyes would see simultaneously,
in point of time although the lines of vision
would be different, there would be no difficulty
in forming an accurate judgment under the
most arduous circumstances. Again the squln-
ter would be Invaluable as an umpire at cricket.
Formerly, when high bowling was not allowed
/ the umpire at the bowler's end had to see
three things almost simultaneously: First, that
seeoSGy SGE tha an rst Was n S
crt ase; and, thirdly, that he did not bowl
wide ball. He is not required nowto look after
the first OF these three; but still, 1t is great
and then suddenly 10 raise your eyes, and
note with equal accuracy the pitch of the ball.
Still more difficult is 1T to Judge run.out.
Frequently the bat is grounded, and the balls
are whipped off almost in the same instant of
time. Yet the umpire must witness each OF
these actions separately, by two distinct actions
of vision; and it is not too much to say that
there are numberless cases OF this kind in which
the umpires decision can be nothing else from
! physical causes than happy guess. But our
| squinter with one eye on the wicket-keeper's
| hands and the other on the batman's foot or
bat-whichever was toremost-could see both
actions independently. and could decide with
mathematical certainty which occurred first.
! Doub less, there are other cases in which the
services of the squinter might be introduced
with happy results; and it is not impossible that
he may be destined to play an important part
in the future. He may yet have his revenge on
the iokers who have made fun of him tor so
many centuries; he may yet live to illustrate
the proverb, that those who laugh the loudest
do not always win