Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1868-01-04
Concerning Skating.
By MARX TWAIN.

ooh! 60 to sleep, you old foolp
"Mr. Twain, l am surprised and
grieved to-"
Don't interrupt me, woman! / tell
you it's absurd-ym learn to slate /!
You'll be wanting to play fairy in the
Black CrooE, next. tell you skating
is an accomplishment suited only to
youth and .comeliness of face and sym
metry of figure. Nothing is so charming
as to see beautiful girl the coquet-
ish costume Of the Kinks, with cheeks
rosy with exertion, AID eyes beaming
with excitement, skimming the ice like
a bird-and sweeping down upon a
group Of gentlemen, and pretending
she cant step herself, and landing in
the arms of TIE very young man her
father don't allow her to know-and
dayting away gain and falling on her
her head aud exposing herself-exposing
I herself 10 remarks about her careless
ness, Madam-hold your tongue-and
always taking care to fall when that
Young man is close by to pick her up.
1t is charming! they look pretty and
interesting, too, when they are just
( learning-when they stand still a long
time in one place, and then start one
4 foot giugerly, and It makes n break for
the other side Of the pond and leaves
the balance of the girl sprawling on
this side! But you! You look fat and
awkward and dismal enough any time:
and when you are on skates YOU waddle
eff as stufy, and stupid and ungainly
as buzzard that's had half horse for
dinner. | won't have it, Madam And
YOU get under little precautions head
way and then put your feet together
and drift along, STOPPING your head and
shoulders and holding your arms ont
like YOU expected a church was going
to fall on you; it Aggregates the life
out Of me. And Tuesday, whenI was
ass enough to get on skates myself, an
I kicked the Irish Giants eye out the
fist dash, and lit on my head and crack
ell the ice SO that it looked like the sun
with all its rays had dropped where
( struck, and they fired me uinety-two
dollars for running the mans pond, l
was terrified with the conviction that |
had gone through to the inside Of the
world, because l saw the parallels of
latitude glimmering all around me;
and what was it but you, in you awk-
wardness, fetching up over me with
your confounded filters on! You've got
to discard these things. | can't stand
the pew rent, and WON'T
mir. Twain, ] am surp-"
Hold your cla;,or l tell you you
slant bring odum upon tie emily by
your disgraceful attempts 10 skate,
( srrawling around with your big feet
like a COW blowing ler way down hill 10
slippery weather. Maybe you won't be
so handy about displaying those feet Of
yours If YOU knew what occurred when
took your shoes down tcg2t mended."
"W hat WIS It ! Tell me what it was !?
lteh me what it was this minute! l just
| know It's ore Of ycur lies"
col! don't mind; It amt Of any con
sequence; 60 to sleep"
'.But it is of consequence? You've
GOT to tell mo; you shant aggravate me
this way. l won't go to sleep till l
know what il was"
"Ohl il wasn't anything"
"Mr. Twain, know better! You're
just doing this 10 drive me to distraction.
What did that shoemaker say about nv
shoe? What did he do9 Quick!"
'AYell # You must know, he-he--
however, its Of no consequence" r
Mr.. Twain"
We'll. be-he took il and gazsd up
omit q long time in silence, and put his
handkerchief 10 bis eyes aud burst into
/ tears"
"Why, You born fool! Twain, arc you
going stark, staring crazy?
He Just siopd there aud wept as il
his heart would break, poor devil. There
now. let's 60 to sleep"
/ 'Slsep, YOU fanatic! III never close
I ny eyes til l know what that idiot was
crying sboat-and YOU wont either,
can telhyou that. Come"
4 "Oh! it don't matter"
4.'Mr. Twain, if you say that again,
( | say Eli make you sorry for it; what
was that numbskuIl CRYING about?"
"Well-he-he"
"W-e-l !, be. Out with i'll DO you
want me to--to--Twain. II snatch
them pet fripges off till the sides of your
heads as bald as the top Of it,"
"Wel. he-poor fellow-he said he
dotted on his grandmother-fairly dotted
on her. She had nurscl him, you know
because his mother was feeble, and so.--
Well, he came to this country fifteen
years ago, and got along pretty well
and was about 10 send to England fol
the cid lady, when hard times came anC
he cot broke. He went into fruit then
and after that into mik-into all sortl
of things you know; but he got diSap
pointed every time till this present bus
mess fetched him out at Last, all right
and set right oil for tie old WOMAN
She landed here four weeks ago, bu
died the very same night. Itwas hard
very hard, after all bis waiting and
I inc for fifteen years, TO get hd Riv
here at last and have her die -
. hands. >He--he-Uell, be was diss
However, he laid her ont, and \
his friends sat uE with her, and b
by the memory Of her virtues s9
bis bitterness and turned it to :.
4 grief--a settled melancholy that Z