The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1868-02-12

were a cat and had a-an extension,
would you, scratch me if accidentally
happened to.pui it p
You SEQ that is not whar intended to
say, but / got it all mixed, and had to
say something, and did. Il don't know,
Peter" was the sweet reply 81 don't eX-
pect never to BET cat L don't look like
one, do ?"
"No sir, burst my condenser if [ do,"
said I, putting my hand on her shoulder,
e.but you're Just as good looking as We
nus De-Venue De Medicus, that's it," A
| fclcr shouldn't tell his girl that she's
handsome, but forgot that time. Well,
I was puzzled how to ask. Finally, "Ma-
ry Ann" said again, coming to the con-
cIusion that the thing must be said, "if
YOU were a man and l were woman
no, l mean if you were woman and l
wero u man, and you Ioved-loved-gosh,
how it's raining out of doors Amt it
nice weather for your mothers young
ducks ?"
eyes, and your mothers goslins, too.
But what was that you was goining to
say about me being man and you being
woman 7"
"Why," said I, resolved to say it this
time, IF l were female and you were
manmale-I mean u man-would you
ask me to have you, or rather would you
say ''yes,o if asked you to have me p
Mary Ann looked down, turning her
gutta percha ring, and then looking up
with a smile that would melt the heart of
pump-handle, she said:
'.In your heart my home view,
And there III live, and live for you."
Snakes and male muskeeters, but didn't
we go to kissing then? When we got
through | felt like was u stick of mo-
lasscs candy. Some gals is awfully sweet,
especially Mary Ann. If she looks into
cup of tea it makes it SO sweet that you
have to put vinegar in it to counteract
the effect before you can drink it. Why,
after kissing Mary Ann that night, l had
to drink vinegar and eat crab apples two
weeks to keep from turning to loat:sugar.
| wanted to get married right away, hut
Mary Ann said I must wait few weeks,
ask Dad and Nam, and have a big we'd
ding "Laws sakcs, Mary Ann" says |,
You needn't wait SO long. You know
the old man has give me Il pig, and says
we may have his kitchen loft to live in,
and he give mo a quarter acre OF land 10
plant in potatoes and ingins, and think
we might go and get married tomorrow"
But finally had to yield and ask the old
folks. got their consent, but the old
woman says, 81 think as you're got no
COW you had better send 10 New York
and get one of them patent calves and
keep it till it gets to be a COW they are
warranted to be perfectly natural" The
wedding day was fixed upon, and thinks
TO myself
'sOh, won't lead a happy life,
| When Marry Ann Wiggles becomes my WIFE
The wedding day arrived; Mr.. Long
lace was the clap who done the job-tllat
is, he asked questions, received The an
swers, prayed Il few. give Mary Ann Il
piece Of paper, and graciously, and kindly,
and smilingly, and sotorthly, accepted
V for doing the job.
There was nothing particular happened
during the time the business Of Hymen
was being transacted, excepting the fact
some envious teller extracted my hand
kerchiet from my coat-tail pocket, and
placed in said pocket in place of said
handkerchief, diminutive pair Of stock
ings, evidently intended for II very small
pair of feet. So when Mary Ann and
your humble servant were pronounced
man and wife, put my hand to my pocll-
ct for my handkerchief to wipe the per-
spiration from my noble brow, and pulled
forth the said small hose, TO my great as
constituent and Mary AIMS also. There
was a great many people who laughed,
and very few who did not laugh among
those few was myself.
We had a grand supper that night, q
supper that would give an appetite to
pair of tongs. Mary Ann was seated by
my side at supper; she drank tea and l
drank coficc-when | was courting Mary
Ann drank tea because she did When
u feler is courtng u girl he should al
ways drink ust what she does in her
presence. If she takes coffee let him take
coffee; if she takes tea let him take tea
if she drinks milk let him pour down the
cow juice; if she prefers water let him
prefer nothing else if she has taste for
dishwater let him be death on dishwater
and lastly, if she takes sugar in hern let
him take sugar in his'n-atter marriage
he can do like me and drink what he
pleases Well, we had 4 dance after sup
per; but didn't feel much like dancing
Pm afraid cat little too much to
dance with easc-nevcrtheless made out
to dance once with my wife. When l
got through with it l had pain, big
pain. in my-misery.
After supper was over, the dance was
over, and most everybody gone home, Il
gal came along and took Mary Ann away
then after a Willie | was taken up stairs,
and-dear reader. if you want to know
what's trumps just get married.