The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1868-07-03
TWaddIe by Telegraph.

From the N. Y. World.
The Duke of Argyll, traditionally known as
the MacCallum More, and politically famous
as the "bargee's wife," yesterday presided
over a grand dinner given in London to Mr..
Cyrus W. Field. Surrounded, to use his
gracious and statistical phrase, Shy three hun
dred gentlemen and many ladies'" the noble
head OF the Campbells, who are always coming,
sent despatch to President Johnson which
breathes the most philanthropic sentiments
in the most conviyial spirit. Translated from
the rather elaborate Scotch of the original into
the familiar British tongue, the Dukes tele-
gram may be said to signify, president
Johnson, / looks towards ye."
To which, for President Johnson, Secretary
Seward genially responds 81 has your eye."
Whereupon, music by the band, and con-
sentaneous tossing off of full glasses of cham
pagne down the throats of ''the three hundred
gentlemen and many ladies, )" in London, and
OF the President and the Secretary in Wash
ington. Consentaneous, we say, and oontem-
poraneous. For, rising to the height of the
great occasion, Secretary Seward sent for the
head of the Washington Observatory, and in
sisted upon knowing just exactly how long
before it was sent he had received the Dukes
despatch. That astronomical authority having
consulted his tables, replied, "Two hours by
the watch, Mr.. Secretary - every good
sir"-with a wave Of the official hand
such as Prince Kung could not have bettered
-"What he within there cause the man
of wires to telegraph to His Grace the Duke
of Argyll that, like the man in the moon, he
has come down too soon. Inform him that in
precisely two hours (meridian of Washington)
from this moment his EXcellency the Presi-
dent of the United States and the head of the
Department Of Foreign Affairs will be blinking
glasses with him across the Atlantic. And
now leave me in peace with thimble full of
Il. Il l. 1 = I
horn in bower or hall before the hour ~ Thus
the Secretary, pOlymetic, bathymetic, the
joey b. of Columbia, the tough, the downy
and the devilish sly.
Meanwhile to the Duke thus dining and
winiDg with his "three hundred gentlemen
and many ladies'" enter another messenger,
bearing greeting from Peter Cooper who built
an institute, and from Tai. p. Shaffner, who
did not lay cable. 81 love yOu," quoth
that England may be to America as the gluti-
nous friend in the Scriptures who sticketh
closer than brother"
"For my part" quoth Tai. p. Shaffner, 81
care but little for Dukes and such, having
consorted chiefly with Cars and Princes of
the earth, but Cyrus w. Field my foeman
trusty and true, | have met you-and am
yours Take my hat, and live happy ever
after! o, greater than Columbus %
OF these things shall there never be an end /?
There is no harm in them, do you say, o,
goOd-natured readerl But there is harm in
them. There is always harm in resultless
gable; and it is such sheer insult to the
intelligence of this nineteenth century to sup
pose that the real importance of the transat-
lsntic cable can be advanced, or its use
fulness as "bond of union" between Europe
and America in any way increased by this
preposterous exchange of twaddle by tele-
graph, that for very shame's sake we pray the
rational people OF both sides of the sea to
cry out, as with one voice, Iold-EnOugh"