The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1868-12-31
FACETIE.

al hate to hear people talk behind
ones back" as the thief said when the
policeman cried stop thief"
A Perpetual Trust Company" has
been incorporated i'll Massachusetts.
How much it costs to be perpetually
trusted isn't stated.
A Washington man had revelation
from Thad. Stevens, through "medl-
um," on the morning of the eulogles.
To the question whom he preferred as
speakers on the occasion, Thad. compla-
Gently replied, az don't care d-n,
as | won't have to listen TO them"
One Boston dealer very expressively
intimated his superiority to his neigh
bors in one respect, for while their pla.
cards announce "this stock at COST"
"less than COST "one-half the cost of
importation" he displays a sign reading
the rarer truth, "selling at cost and
more, too
tipsy fellow, meeting pompous
General in uaiform at Chicago, during
the late army reunion, said brig dier
(hic) how are You = ,,
"Brigadier ~ he replied haughtIly.
"rd have you to know that | command
ed division" -,
WAS it long or sh(hic)OrC division p
"Mr. Timothy" said Il young lady.
who had been showing of her VII at
the expense of danGler, you remind
me of barometer that is filled with
nothing in the upper story" Divine
Almira," meekly replied the adoror' III
thanking you for that compliment io'
me remind you that yoR occupy 'Ho up
per story entirely"
The reporter for the New York Times
in giving an account of the New Eng
land dinner in New York, few days
ago. saws: "The entertainment was got
ten up with the artistic excellence OF
the culinary art that distinguishes all
of Delmonico's efforts in that line, and
,ras TONED of with the diriRG blessing, in
yoked by the Rev. DR.. Hitchcock
A lady and gentleman of Troy, New
York, whose connubial bliss is perfect
in everything, save the presence OF
children around the domestic tireside,
were examining some illuminated mot
toes in "a book -stOre, the other day, when
the wife picked out one bearing these
words: "God bless our home The hus-
band thought that very good, but still
not exactly what they wanted. Look
ing a little further, he picked up this
one: "Suilcr little children TO come unto
me-"
Mark Twain tells story of stranger
who was coming up the Connecticut
River, and was trying his best TO sleep,
but every now and then the boat would
stop and man would thrust his head
into the room. First he sung out Had
DAMP and then east IIaddam " and
then "Haddam Neck ~ and then North
Haddamw and then "Great Hdddam
Little Haddam ~ "Old Haddam ~
"New Haddam!" "Irish Haddam -
"Dutch Haddam ~ "Hadd am- Haddam!'
and then the stranger jumped out Of
bed, all excited, and says: I'm Meth
odist preacher, full of grace, and forty
years in service without guile! Pm !
meek and lowly Christian, but d-n
these Haddams, wish the devil had'em,
] say"
Mr. Avery said he had a case in the
court the other day in Memphis. A lit
tie fellow was introduced as u witness.
The COUNSEL on the other side desiring
that the Witness should be Intercepted
touching his knowledge of the respon
sibility OF an oatS. The Judge (Radi-
CALI propOunded theusual questions:
"My little man, what are ycu about to
dof"'
"Be sworn rs witness in this case"
care you acquainted with the nature.
obligations and responsibilities Of an
oath T.
Eyes, sir, think am
"Well, then, what do you think would
be done with you if you were to swear
to aliep
81 don't know, sir, without these Rad
icals would nominate me for Congress-"