Middletown transcript., 1868-06-27

mother always trimmed the lamps in the
morningl Confound 'em, how black the
chimneys arep :,
Thus conversing with himself, Mr..
Keith put the chimneys into the basin and
cogitated moment. He had heard it said
that boiling water was cleansing. So be
scalded the chimneys and the result was
about hundred different pieces to each
chimney.
'Good graciousl'' cried he, "Who'd
have thought it There's somebody at
the door. I'll just step out as I am. 1t
can't be anybody that l care for so early
as this.
A small boy presented himself, cycling
| Keith with i'll suppressed mirth.
BE you mistress of this house~ p
| s'Yes--that is, am the master p said
Mr.. Keith with dignity "what can 1 do
for youp'
g Nothing, guess marin sent me over
to see if you-that is. if the mistress of
the house would take care of the baby
while she goes shoppingY"
"No," roared Keith, "I've other fish to
fry" The boy put his thumb to his
nose, and Mr.. Keith, after slamnling the
door-as men always do when they are out
of temper-returned to the kitchen. The
| fire was all out, and the room decidedly
smoky.
"Tl go down the cellar and bring up
| down the stairs. On the second step he
put his foot through rip in his dress
skirt, stumbled and fell to the bottom of
the cellar, smashing basket of eggs, and
knocking over a'shelf loaded with pans of
milk.
"Deuce take it !" exclaimed he, scramb-
ling to his feet, and rubbing his head,
chow do women manage with these infer
nal long dressess shall break my neck
with this yet p'
The fire made again, Mr.. Keith be-
thought him of dinner. He looked at the
time-piece it was one o'clock. Almost
time for dinner. He mad heard his wife
say that rice pudding was easily made,
he would have rice pudding, and boiled po-
tatoes, and broiled steak.
He filed basin with rice, stirred in a
little sugar, dropped in an egg, and set the
vessel into the oven. The potatoes he
washed in soap-suds, that they certainly
might be clean, and put them into the tea
kettle because they would boil quicker.
The steak was frizzling in the frying
pan; he was proceeding to set the table
when the bell rang. He caught the pan
from the fire, to keep it from burning, and
made haste to the front door. Then he
remembered it would not be just the thing
to go to the door with frying pan in his
hand so he deposited it on the parlor sofa,
and answered the ring.
Mrs. DR.. Nudge was on the steps,
dressed in her best.
Yes-I-darc say stammered Keith,
my wife is absent and 1 am the Bridget"
| Mrs. Nudge sailed into the parlor,
which was darkened to exclude the sun,
and without stopping to look at her seat,
sunk into the frying pan on the sofa.
Jupiter p cried Mr.. Keith, you've
done it now.p Mrs. M. sprang up, the
grease dripping from her rich silk on the
carpet. Her face grew dark. She was
tempted to control herself; bowed haught-
lily and left the house.
| Keith returned to the kitchen little
crest-fallcn, for Mrs. Nudge was a lady
before whom he desired to appear particu-
larly well.
There was tremendous cracking in the
oven. He thought of his pudding and
looked in. The burnt rice had hoped all
over the oven; the basin had melted apart,
and the pudding was not DONE He shut
the door upon the ruins in disgust, and
looked after his potatoes only to find them
perfect jelly. And just as he made the
discovery there was a sharp peal at the
door-bell, "Creation there's that abom-
Unable bell again. wish folks would stay
at home-Tll lock all the doors, and cut
all the bell wires after to-day"
At the door he found Mr.. and Mrs. Fid-
get and their children.
MY dear Mr.. Keith how do you do?'
cried Mrs. Fidget. I" We were in town
and thought we'd just stop in to dinner.
Where's Mrs. Keith p
"She's gone away" saith Keith, rue
fully, wondering what he would feed them
on; Walk in, do; I'm the house-keeper
to-day"
Eyes, should Judge. But of course
you make splendid one. l remember
you used to be frequently telling Mrs.
Keith and myself how very easy house.
keeping must be. 1t must be mere play
to you. Don't put yourself out, beg p
"Put myself out. indeed {" cried Keith,
retreating to the kitchen. e Good gra-
cious what shall do 2 I'd give hun
dred dollars if Mary was only here.--.
Where shall beginP'
He drew out the table and set it without
any cloth, then took off the plates and put
on cloth--the very one he had wiped the
dishes Oh. The task completed, he put on
some more potatoes, and some more steak
burned the steak to a cinder; took off his
POTATOES when he did his meat, and put
them all upon the table. There was a
loaf of bakers bread in the cupboard; !;
he paraded that, and called his guests to
dinner.
Il A quizzical smile spread over Mrs,
! | E;d ,rat,s faca Mt the si0ht of the renaat