Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1868-09-16
0biio(l Statesman, i ia
The Deaf Aunt and Wife.

Inc UeaI aunt anu WHes 3zsg7
/ I had an aunt coming to visit me for
the first time since my marriage, nd. /
don't know what evil genius prompted
the wick edness which L perpetrated to-
ward my wise and ancient relative. '2Fl.
j. ''t.My DEAR said I to my wife on the
day before, my aunt's arrival, d'you.
know Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow
well, L forgot to mention rather annoy
ing circumstance with regard to her.
She is very deaf, and although she can
hear my voice, to which she is accus-
toned, in its ordinary tones, yet you
twill be obliged to speak extremely loud
in order to be heard. 1t will be rather
inconvenient, but / know you will do
everything in your power to make her
agreeable pr. ,h.lI - -.
Mrs announced her determine
tion to make herself heard, if in her
power. ''zi1 7ai la{2 H. ~ 81 L-l v,oa 81. :.
I then went to John NJ, who loves a
joke about as well as any person 1 know
of, and told him to be at the house at
I6 P. M. ON the following evening, and
felt comparatively happy. ., Te-esif
| 1 went to the railroad depot with a
carriage next night, and when was on
my way home with my aunt, I said.
| "My dear aunt, there is one rather an
noying infrmity that Annie (my wife)
has, which / forgot to mention before
She is very deaf, and although she can
hear my voice, to which she is accusom-
ed, in its ordinary tones, yet you will be
obliged to speak extremely loud in order
to be heard. I am very sorry for it,
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her
heart, protested that she rather liked
speaking loud, and to do so would afford
her great pleasure. -sbG-1,- -..g g.
| The carriage drove UPON the steps
was my wife-in the window was John
N, with face as utterly solemn as
if he had buried all his relatives that
afternoon. -. ..., ...-.-.. '.. .e.-.-..'
81 am delighted to see you," shrieked
my wife, and the policeman on the op-
| posite sidewalk started, and my aunt
nearly fell down the steps.
'Kiss me, my DEAR" bawled my aunt;
and the windows shook as if with the
fever and ague. I looked at the win
dow-John had disappeared. Human
nature could stand it no longer. /
poked my head into the carriage and
went into strong convulsions. .au.
When I entered the parlor my wife
was helping Aunt Mary to take off her
hat and cap; and there sat John with
his face buried in his handkerchief.
Il Suddenly-"Did you have pleasant
journey o. went off my wife like pis-
tol. and John nearly jumped to his feet.
"Rather dusty" was the response in
a war whoop, and the conversation con-
tinued, f.......,
The neighbors for blocks around must
have heard it; when I was in the third
story of the building I heard every
word.
In the course Of the evening my aunt
took occasion to say to me:
| 'How loud your wife talks !" ~.
told her deaf persons talked loudly
and that my wife being used to me, was
not effected by the exertion, and that
she was getting along very nicely with
her. ...f.-tgaG .ar.4 .afmfe- 81
Presently my wife said softly: 8 .
Calf, how very loud your aunt talks!"
eyes" said l, call deaf persons do
You're getting along with her finely !;
she hears every word you say" And l
rather think she did. ' 81 '-A'--''i ~ d
Elated at their success at being un-
derstood. they went at it hammer and
tongs, till everything upon the mantle
piece clattered again, and 1 was serious
ly. afraid of a crowd collecting in front
of tie house. ..g-. - ,..' g., rs.
But the end was near. My aunt be-
Il ing of an investigating turn of mind,was
Edesirous of finding out whether the ex-
-ertion of talking was injurious to my
wife. So -ra- ads .. fa3umra b
doesn't talking so loud strain your
lungs 2" said she in an unearthly whoop,
for her voice was not as musical as it
was when she was young. 7H'
at is an exertion," shrieked my wife.
"Then why do you do it 7" was the
answering scream. a. ..a..-.
"Because-because-you can't hear
if 1 DON'T" squealed my wife.
"What !" said aunt, fairly rivaling a
railroad whistle at the time.
began to think it time to evacuate
the premises, and looking around and
seeing John gone, 1 stepped into the
back parlor, and there he lay fiat on his
back, with his feet at right angles with
his body, rolling from side to side with
his fist poked into his ribs, and most
agonized expression of countenance, but
not uttering sound. 1 Immediately
and involuntarily assumed similar at
titude, and I think from the relative po-
sition of our feet and head, and our at
tempts to restrain our laughter, appo-
plexy must inevitably have ensued, if a
horrible groan which John gave vent to
in his endeavor to suppress his visibility
had not betrayed our hiding place.
In rushes my wife and aunt, who by
this time comprehended the joke, and
such scolding as then got, I never
f got before and hope never to get again.
i know not what the end would have
been, if John, in his endeavors to ap-
pear respectful and sympathetic, had
not given vent to such a groan and a
horse laugh, that all gravity was upset
and we screamed in concert.
l know it was very wrong, and all
that, to tell such a falsehood, but think
that Mrs. Opie herself would have
laughed if she had seen aunt Mary's ex-
preston when she was informed that
her hearing was defective.
= lFrom the New York Herald.I