The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1868-06-11
Dansels.


age Of twenty one or over six dozen
rarely touches the full.grown heart.
(No personal allusiou to the dear
woman, of whatever age, size, or pre-.
vious condition, whose lovable eyes
run along these unworthy lines. Not
that womaD,-as IL we're.
Empbaticaly yet not proanely,
damselsl They are ollyhocks aud
morning glories; but who does not
prefer flowers that have arrived at
porfumity2 A full-blowp, middle
aged ,doublc-breasted rose for in.
stance a divorced widow
Damsels mostly have ah unseasoned,
unsalt-and.Peppered flavor. They
arc too fresh. Their spirits ara raw
spirits. Byron aptly said, in his
weak way of expressing things, that
they smelt Of bread and butter.
Damsels (to go on with the indict =
meuD talk too much with their
mouths. And they gush too easily
into giggle. They do not go deep
enough into laughter to investigate it
aud perceive where the laugh comes
in and is a fact, and where it does
not como in and is not fact. In
deed, to laugh at the right point aud
in the right manner is ono of the
highest symptoms of human being.
Damsels have, however, a greater
failing than any of these. 1t is the
Plano. But this is too constitution
al to be helped. They were invented
for the piano, or else the piano was
invented for them; insomuch that. il
there had never been any piano, there
would probably never have been any
young ladies' ,--or the reverse; and /
forget which.
1t is true that few persons of tho
semi masculine tendencies appear to
have occasionally got created for the
purpose OF executing music Cor put
ting it 10 dcath) on tho piano; but
this is bad mistake in the sex.
These persons have blundered into
the wrong gender. Talent for the
piano is to be construed as prima
fdcie evidence of foreordinaiion to
petticoats, aud the burden of proof
is on the defendant. Any such tall
ent found in trowsers should always
be called upon to rebut.
But, confined to its own sex, the
piano ia as inevitable as daughter
or sister. Every girl born into a
station in society that can possibly
ontitle her to be a young lady, must
periorce DO put through tho piano;
just as every boy of about fourteen
years Of age ought to be put through
a :hreshing machine.
Observe, here, that boys of about
those years are a greater affliction to
man Of my temperament than girls,
Indeed, if L have one failing in my
otherwise perfect moral character
which l do not think have--it is in
relation to boys Of that age, or there.
abouts. They appeal to my sense of
justice so strongly that II it were not
that the boldest, loudest, cussedest of
them generally have very museular
fathers, fear that my propensity for
the grabbing of boys would amount
to hideous monomania that | could
no longer control.
But girls are so worked up into
piano that there is scarcely naughti-
ness enough left in them to be worth
getting Yexed about. A course OF
this instrument ehastens aud scothes
them down to condition in which
they can be gently forborne till they
outgrow il.
The hourishing father Of eleven
girls once declared to me that he
would to heaven tho remotest ances.
tor Of the man who invented the pi-
anp had had milestone round his
neck and been cast into the sea be,
fore he ever thought Of being born.
He complained that these female off.
spring had consecutiyely largest and
banged the life out Of the thumped-
quantity Of his earthly existence.
There was some one OF the eleven at
it continually during the best part OF
half ., century, and the noise oftheir
torment assembled forever aud ever.
A girl that has not been worked
through this prUeess can not expect
10 appreciate life or destiny If, at
the age Of eighteen, she can not
pound out The greater part OF as many
as ivo tnues vith tho notes bef'ro
nor, and three entire tunes oil the