The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-07-24
dI1if an& Dutitar .

Ass----~-S--------,~-
=- A horn too much-that of the old
cow under your fifth rib.
When is womans hair like
swans breast ? When it's down.
- The question in Washington
slave we (ny) Bourbon among us ?"
A vain--question asking man
when the weather will be pleasant,
"Oh, for. a thousand tongues" as
the urchin said when he crawled into
the sugar hogshead.
When folks are qnarantined
they are apt to indulge largely in port
whine.
How long does widow mourn
for her husband She mourns for a
second.
- TIE man who is as cool as Gu
cumber, must, we think, be about as
green.
- If a man may be said to be we'd
Jed to crimes, Ben Butler has more
wives than Brigham Young.
-- A country paper says there is
man so mean that he sits on the door
steps of the Church OH Sundays to save
the wear of his pew-cushions.
SPA" said little friend of ours,
"what's the use Of giving our little pigs
SO much milk they make hogsi OF them
selves" Pa walked away.
- Ifyou would not be forgotten as
soon as YOU are dead and rotten, either
write something worth reading, or do
something worth writing about.
"Has the railroad got in D. ask
ed a gentleman of an Irishman, stand
ing at the depot, thinking to quiz him.
ZONE ind has, sir" was Pats reply.
"WelI, Pat, why don't you put
I'M your umbrella ?" "Because your
honor. the rain would spoil it, and so
KEEP it under my arum, and divil dhrop
its got"
- A servant girl told her master,
thar she was about to give his wife warn
ing and quit the house. "Happy girl
would that | could give her warning
too I" was the brutal response.
- The young lady who was dis
charged from pickle factory because
act has found employment IN a candy
factory.
- Calfskins came home from the
theatre the other night, and on being
interrooatetl as to the size of the audi
ence. he said "Why the house was so
full that he couldn't see between the
acts"
A married woman IN Wisconsin
saws that when her husband is little
drunk he kicks her, and when he is very
drunk she kicks him. She congratu-
lates herself that she does the greater
part of the kicking.
- An old Jew while ndulging in
- g. 81; fool Quart n
Ken nv n terrible thunder storm, and as
the thunder roared and the lightning
flashed around, he cried-''Plesh my
soul, vot a pother apout leetle pit OF
pork"
Money is a good thing; content
ment is better. The only advantage
of wealth is power, and this it some
times, with poetic justice, turns against
its posessor Cultivate contentment at
all events. If cash comes after that,
YOU will be able to bear 1t.
There is something very touch
ing in the grief of the man who on see
ING the remains of his wife lowered IN"
to the grave, exclaimed tearfully =
swell, [ have lost gloves, have lost
umbrellas yes, even COWS and horses;
but Inever-nc-never had anything to
cut me like this"
"One thing know and one thing
[ don't KNOX, said an irate country
man TO a miller, when he thought the
weight of his meal tell suspiciOusly short
tWhat are they p sharply asked the
miller. 81 know" said the countryman
.whosc hogs get fat but don't know
whose corn feeds them"
"A little five year old, who was
hunory one night recently Just at bed
time. but didn't wish to ask direct for
something to eat, put the proposition
in this way :-."Mamma are little chill
dren who starve to death happy after
thew die?" A good big slice of bread
and butter was the answer.
San Italian Inn-keeper confess
ed TO priest. who asked him if he new
err creased the teeth of his horse to keep
him from eating. He replied that he
had never done so. The next time he
confessed he had committed the act sew
eral times. "Why, said the priest, you
told me the last time that you had never
done it," "Holy," father replied the
inn-keeper, ~ did not know the trick
them"
We would like to Sea- fruit
tree that keeps away pilferers by its
Gas that would go out in the morn
ing and come in at night.
a saucepan that will boil over with
rage when the cook is Insulted.
* clock that is so conceited as not to
run down its own works.
The coat ola poor mans stomach ito
see if it is out at the elbows.)
Two Irishman having resolved
TO embrace the Baptist faith, made
known their intentions to minister OF
that denomination. 1t was in winter
and consequently the clergy man was
first inclined to delay baptizing them
until warmer weather should set in,
but fearing the dangers of delay, and
thinking the Irishmen would forget all
about their good resolution before sum-
mer. he resolved to baptiZe them at the
earliest opportunity.
The following Sunday the congrega-
tion went to .he river to see the new
members baptized. While endeavor
ing to pull him up, the lrishman slip
ned from his hands, and went under
the ice. The minister coolly raised
his ewes to heaven and exclaimed
WThe Lord gave and the Lord hath
taken away Blessed be the name of
the Lord Deacon, bring me another
mo, be iabers !" said Pat, sticking
ing his head above the water and grasp
ing the edge of the ice. "I'm thankful
for your PRAYERS but I'd rather go to
boo,,a,, hty Iand than nv water ~