The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-05-08
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- "The papers are all talking a.
bout Weston's great feat" said an old
lady yesterday. "Does it require any
great feet to walk as fast as he does ?"
- A lady who started out of sleep
by some one trying to enter the house
cried out: "Who is there 2" "Your
late husband" was the reply.
- Truth is one of the rarest gems.
Many youth has been lost to society
by allowing it to tarnish, and foolishly
throw it away.
- The fence of "a graveyard in Rich
mond Indiana, bears this inscription
i'm large white letters /: "Use-'s
Btters if you would keep out ofhere."
- "Owing to the peculiar arrange
ment of the programme, no piece can
be repeated" was the answer White re-
ceived from his landlady upon asking
for second piece of pie at dinner.
- lady at Saratoga, having deci-
ded to return by the middle OF Sep
TEMPER, began month in advance to
send her luggage in instruments. She
accompanied the last carload herself;
"A lady was urged by her friends
to mar y widower, and rs an argu-
mcnt they spoke of his two beautiful
children. "Children,' replied the la
dy, "are like toothpc&s, Il person wants
her own"
- A Minnesota editor says that a
man came into his office to advertise Il
lost dog, and that such was the won
derful power of ADVERTISING that the
dog walked into the office while he was
writing out the advertisement.
- Never coax woman for her
heart. If you bayn't any Inducements
for the fair one to make it an object of
exchange like for like, you are in the
wrong pew, and had better get out With
all possible haste.
- a wag said that once on Jour-
ney he was put into a sleigh with a do
zen or more passengers, not one Of
whom he knew, but on turning a short
corner the sleigh upset, and then. said
he 81 found them all out"
- A little four year old child in
Portland told his father he was fool.
On being reprimanded by his mother
and required to say he was sorry, he
toddlcd up to the insulted parent and
exclaimed, "papa I'm sorry you's
fool"
~ gentleman on leaving hotel
where he had been stopping several
days, rewarded the attention of an
obliging servant with a gratuity.
"Ah said the grateful Pat, 'slong
may your honor live and may L make
your fires hereafter"
- Patrick was in charge Of a ferry
boat. a lady passenge: being fright
ened by the waves, asked if ''people
were ever lost by these boats"
He gave the encouraging reply. "not
often ma'am, we generally find them
afterwards by dragging the river"
- A man who had purchased
new pair of shoes, finding the road to
be a rather rough one, decided on put
ting his shoes under his arm and walk
home barefoot. After awhile he stump
cd his big toe, taking the nail off rs
clear asa whistle.
''How lucky ~ he northumberland
a tremendous kick that would have
been for the shoes"
A clever april fool trick was
pcrpetrated by sharper on a number
of verdant students at neighboring
college, the fellow addressing them
with circular in which he stated that,
ste all who may enclose 81 will send
post paid, finely cut engraved por-
trait of Geo. Washington, the father of
his country, together with an elegant
portrait of Benjaman Franklin" On
receipt of the money three cent and a
one cent postage stamp we're returned.
- married lady gave a social en-
tertainment to party OF female ac-
quaintanccs, and while RECALLING them
with accounts ola recent journey,
tremendous humping was heard pro-
eeeding from the garnet.
whats that noise 2" exclaimed one.
ooh, nothing unusual. Don't be at
all alarmed; my d, ar friends its only
my husband. You see he persists in
remaining out very late of evening, and
[ thought would keep him in for once,
so / got him to go and examine an I'M
aginary leak in our roof, and while up
there, fastened the scuttle door, that's
ALL
- rhe late King of Prussia once
s ent to an aid-de-camp, who was brave
but poor, small portfolio, hound like
a book, in which were deposited five
hundred crowns. Some time afterward
he met the officer and sad to him.
.'Ah, well, Row did you like the new
work sent you -
''Excessively sire" replied the SOL
der. II read it with such interest that
await the second volume with impa-
tience."
The king smiled, and when the Off
GERS birthday arrived he presented
him with another portfolio, similar in
every respect to the first, but with these
words engraved on it ; "Fhis work is
complete in two volumes"
- A thin cadaverous looking Ger
man about lifty years of age, entered
the office of health insurance compa-
ny and inquired
"Ish dc man in vat insures dc pee
pies helts ~
The agent answered, 81 attend to
that business
s'Vell l wants mine hclts insured
Vot You sharge ~
uDifferent prices" answered the
AGENT 'from three to ten dollars a
wear. and YOU get ten dollars a week
In case of sickness"
swell - said Mynheer 81 wants ten
dollars vert.
The Agent inquired his state of
health.
swell, L islt sick all tie time. Is
shust out Of bed two or three times
tay, and the toctor says he can't do
nothing more good for me-"
s-If that is the state oil your health we
can't insure il. We only insure per-
sons who are in good health.
At this Mynheer bristled mp in great
anger.
"You tink Is fool. Vot You tink
! come pay You ten dollars for insure
my helt ven vas well -