Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-10-09
Wise and Otherwise.

w nat kinu OF tea SnOunG G00C
Templars use? Charity.
Idleness is the nest in which mis-.
Chief lays its eggs.
How in the world can floating
debt be paid out of sinking fund
Jenkins thinks he shall be married
soon, since he has got the refusal of q
lady's hand.
Happiness aboGnds most with the
Iowly; there are more blossoms on
the valleys than on the hills.
"My notion of wife at forty
said Jerrold, sis that man should
he able to change her, like q bank
note, for two twenties."
A tipsy loafer mistook a globe
lamp with letters on it for the queen
of night. 81 am blessed" said he,
"if somebody hain't stuck an adver.
tise ment on the moon."
Blair's invitation to Irishmen a
while. ago was, Ego to Ireland and
stay there. We can get along better
without you" Now it is: 'Vote
for me, like good fellows"
A French journalist, in comment
ing upon the acquittal of prisoner
at the assizes by verdict of seven
against, says: 1.-THE fellow made an
Andrew Johnson escape.
Flora rointed pensively to the
heavy mass of clouds in the sky,
saying, II wonder where those clouds
are going;o and her brother replied,
al think they are going to thunder"
If you undertake to call mems
thoughts and tongues to account for
idle and gossiping talk, you will be
like q swallow that undertakes to
clear the evening air of all the sum-
mer insects that fly in it.
We saw q man the other day who
had most wonderful memory. He
said he remembered the time when
the Government prospered under
Democratic rule. Very few remem-
Der so far back, certainly.
"Ma, if 1 should die and 60 to
Heaven, could / wear my MORE an
tique dress?" mo my love; we can
scarcely suppose we shall wear the
attire of this world in the next"
Then tell me, ma, how will the
angels know belong to the best So
ciety ?"
The McGregor Times tells of q
young lady finding a burglar under
her bed, and belaboring him so sound
ly with a press-board that she thinks
lie will not be able to sit down for a
fortnight. And she was in her night
toilet too!
At a school examination at Peoria,
the other day, a wouId-be "skule
teacher" couldn't recolleet i'm what
country Liverpool was, said that
Chicago was the princi pal city on
the Mississippi, that the Nile was i'm
Asia, and that the Ohio river emptied
into the Pacific!
"My DEAR said a lady to her hus-
band, 'these friends here will not be-
lieve me when / say I'm only forty
years old. You know that / speak
the truth, don't you?n ~ certainly
shall not deny it, my love, since you
have stuck to the point for the last
dozen years, to my certain kuowl-
edge" -.....
Henry Ward Beecher, in his letter
TO Western newspaper, puts the
whole duty of American young men
in nutshell. He says: at is an
honor that will not happen twice in
mans life time, to vote for such a
man as Grant. No young man can
well afford to throw away his
chance"
A young lady who teaches music i'm
an academy not q thousand miles
from here, sent an order to publish
err recently, i'm which she spelled the
words very poorly. She apologized
adding postscript. as follows :"You
must eskews this Letter, as l pla bi
noat, but spell hi ear. "-Mu8cdtine
Courier.
A fellow, on being asked to write q
testimonial for a patent clothes
wringer, produced the following: II
am immensely pleased with it. /
bought jag of wood which proved
to be green and unfit to burn. | run
the whole load through your clothes
wringer, and have used the wood for
kindling ever since"
A doctor who went to settle in a
village out West, on the first night
or ms arrival was summoned to at
tend sick child. He looked at the
little sufferer very atteBtively, and
then addressed its parents: "This
hyar baby's got the smallpox, and
ain'tposted up to postules. We mus
approach this case by circular treat
ment. You give the little cuss thi:
draught. That'll send him into fits
Then send for me. I'm a sumner or
sits,u
AT "A wedding in Delaware'recently
whensall was arranged, and the min.
lister called on any to speak who OLD.
jected to the marriage, a husky voice
cried out, 81 do.n All eyes were
turned in the direction from whence
the voice emanated, when an indi.
vidual emerged from the crowd, hold.
ing his handkerchief up to his eyes,
and blubbering. "Why do you OBJ
iect, my friend ?' inquired the min
ister. Because l want her myself, "
he replied.
Il say mister, did you see q dog
come by here that looked as if he
were year, or year and half, or
two years ola%' said a Yankee to a
countryman at the roadside. ayes"
said the countryman, thinking him
self quizzed. He passed about an
hour, or an hour and a half, or two
hours ago; and is now mile, Oh q
mile and half, or two miles ahead :
and he had a tail about am inch, or an
inch and a half, or two inches long, -
"That'll do,n said the Yankee ::
"you're ahead of me foot, or a foot
aud half, or two feet"
A man had received q large lot of
Holsters, fresh and lively, when boy
stood looking at the critters, aceompa.
MED by his dog. Suppose you put
your dogs tail between the Holsters
claws?" said the man. "Agreed, -
said the boy. The peg was extracted
from the claws, and the dog 8 tail in
serted. Away went the dog off home
bowling at the squeeze his tail got
from the lobster. "Whistle your dog
back, you young scamp" said the
man. "Whistle your lobster" cried
the boy, and absquatulated. The
boy made lobster supper that night.
At a convention of cIergymen, not
long since. it was proposed by one OF
the members, after they had dined.
that each should entertain the COM
pany with some interesting remarks.
Among the rest, one drew upon his
fancy and related dream. In it he
IN 81 Ia.