The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1868-11-13

"A legal .ax calls HE marriage certificate q.
"A a,ss Of friction .aiehe. fatally di.ssr->d
with Vermont infant.
The tobacco chewer 10 said to be like goose
In Dutch oven-always on the spit.
.wonr that gun 70 oar" "Madam," said the
captain, "t has no place to 20 to-"
"A Yankee, according to the latest authority,
stones and cash In every thing.
An exchange says tersely OF noted Texan
rafian, that Through the energy OF y sheriff he
now ornaments rustic graveyard"
-rrctting 10 perpetual confession OF weak.
ness. 10 says, 81 want To and can't frettins
70 like . little dog paving and whining NJ u door
because no can't get In.
Said Annals prsceptor. ~ kiss L. . noun;
With cheeks OF vermillon and eyeids cast down
",ris both esss~ss andSreper, the pupil replied
-"IIave you any travelling inkstands p asked
. lady Of young stationer. "No maam; We
have them With iect and legs, bu! they are not old
enough to travel yet
"A Young fop about starting down to New
Orleans proposed To purchase a life prcseryer.
"Oh, you'll mol want IT," suggested the clerk
"bags Of wind won't sink"
If You want To he considered polite In the
horse cars, oner lady q seat just large enough
for an infant. She will think you an extraortina.
snlSs.
"A newspaper bicgrspher trying 70 say his
subject "wss hardly able 10 bear the demise OF
his wife," WAS made by tho inexornbls printer 10
cay, "wcar tho chemiss OF his wife,
"A gentleman observed upon an indifferent
Rs. = ns bar ,Ss sa he heard
never attempted To speak but he excited aniver
sal pity.
"A man called another an extortioner Tor snins
him. "why, my friend" replied the man wht
brought the suit, ~ did TO oci,ge you. M.
cblige me- indeed-hov soP "Why, 10 ooiig'
you To pay me-"
"A clergyman, on reading the twenty..eventf
verse OF he eighteenth chapter Of the First o.
Kings, Incorrectly placed the emphasis, render
ing the verse an as.nrdiiy; MD ne spske q
his sons, saying Saddle M the ass, and they sad
died HIM."
"A Californian writes TO the papers about q
spake with head as large as milk pan, and eyes
hxe apples. lie cav twenty feet OF snake, and
didn't for the rest out pu, l0s 70 S. saSs,
smith ~ ,ss, yS%
held the light for the man that did" "Ah' the
cour, understood you dinerently. They supposed
s on; The threw is f1 IGN; on sS
smith; stand down.
leagues In the Old Church Of Edinburgh. One
sunday DIR. NJ, amer heavy rain, Was stand.
ing before the fire drying his clothes, when pr.
IL came In, whom he requested to preach for
hin, a. he had escaped the shower. "Oh, by no
MEANS" replied the doctor: gang 20 up 10 the
pcolpeet yell DO dry eneuf there"
Young man. becoming engaged recently. was
desirous Of presenting his intendsd with . ring.
appropriately Inscribed; but being nj . loss what
70 have engraved upon u, called upon his mther
Tor advice. "well.' said the old man, "put on,
When this you zoe remember Me- The young
lady was much surprised, q few days ansr, ~
receiving q beautiful ring with this Inscription:
When Ills you sec remember ysfA0."
Keep smile on your countsnsncs. Smiles
seyenty.nvo cent chains. Itis dangerous 70 sleep
a the same town with the propristor OF per
Dt:lal ffown. Don't walk around looking - dis
aal - Q alex undsrtaker, or - " you were fOing
% your wedding or funeral. II you fssl down.
learted avoid faudanum. Take TO clean linen
lad victuals and yoa'n come out al right.