Smyrna times., 1868-12-02
.MiSceIIUU eOWS.
SUT LOvENGOOD'S SHIRT.

You know | boards with Bill Carr, at his
cabin on the mountain, and pays for sich as |.
gifts when heV money, and when L hevnt any,
why he takes One-third Outen me in cussin
and she, that his wife, Bets, takes out 'tother
twO-thirds with her battlin stick. and the inter-
est with her tongue, and the interest more n
the principle-a heap more. She's the cussed-
est woman | ever seed anyhow for jaw-and
pride. She can scOld blister onto bulls
face rite on the curl in two minutes-and pat
terms after every fashion she hears tell on, from
bussels to britches. Oh! she's one on EN-,
and sometimes two or three. Well, you see, |
got some cotton truck to make new shirt
outen, and cOaxed Bets to make it, and about
the time it was done, here comes lawyer } JOhn-
son along and axed for breaktuSs-I wish it
had pizened him, dern his hide, and wonder
it didn't for she cooks awful mixins when she
tries. I'm piZen proof myself (hOlding up his
flask and peeping through it), or Il been dead
long ago.
Well, while we were eatin' she spied out that
his shirt was stiff and mighty sleek so she
never rested till she worried it outen him that
a preparation of flour did it; and she got few
particulars about the prucGedins outer him by
woman's arts. Arter he left, she set in and
| billed big pot of paSte-nigh on to a peck of
it, and soused in my shirt and let it soak awhile;
then she took it and ironed it out fiat and dry,
and sOt it up on its edge agln the cabin in the
sun. Thar it stood as stiff as a dry hOss hide,
and it ratified like sheet Of iron, 1t did. 1t
were pasted together all over. When came
came to dinner nothing would do but must
put it on. Well, Bets and me got the thing
open arter some hard work, she pulin at one
of the tails and me at the tOther, and got in
to it. Darn the everlastin new tangled shirt,
say. felt like I'd crawled into bee gum,
and it full of ants but it were like lawyer
johnson $, and stood it like man, and went
to work to build Bets an ash-hopper. l wor ked
! powerful hard, and sweat like hOSs, and when
! the shirt got wet it quit its hurtin.
Arter got dun | took about four fingers of
red eye, and crawled up into the cabin loft to
take snoOZe.
Well, when ! walked up I thought I was
dead, or had the cOery, for all the joints
could move were my ankles, wrists and knees
could not even move my head, or skasely
wink my eye-the cussed shirt was pastid fast
onto me all over, from the end of the tail to
the pints of the broad axe collar over my ears.
1t sot to me as close as a hide does to poor
COW in March. | squirmed and strained till
Sorter got it broke at the shoulders and elbows
and then | done the darndest tOolishest thing
ever done in these mountains. L shutfed my
britches off and tore loose from my hide about
two inches of the tail all around, in much pair
and trbulati0n. Oh but it did hurt then
LUCK up Il DIduk lulcI IHG lOlJ anu HuuB my iCSs
down through the hole, and nailed the edge o.
the front tail to the foOr before me, and thu
hind tail | nailed to the plank what sot on
[ unbutt0ned the collar and wristbands, raised
my hands away above my head, shut up m!
: eyes, said grace, and then jumped through tt
!, the ground floor.
Here Sut remarked sadly:
George, I'm a darndcr fool than ever dat
was, ho,s, hornets and all. I'll drownd mysel
- do |
r "Well, go on Sat; did the shirt come off 2
e 81 think it did. / hearn noise sorte
! like tearin a shingle roof off Nv house all a
- wonst, and felt like my bones were all tina
8 reached the floor. | staggered to my feet, an
: took a look at my shirt. The nails had all hil
If their holt, and thar it was hangin arms down
e inside out, as stiff as ever. 1t looked like
map of Mexico, just arter one OF the first bai
tles-a patch of hide, Just about the size OF
- dollar and half bill here; a bunch of hair abOu
/; the size of bird thar; then some more skin
II then some more paste; then more har; the
r skin; and so on all over that darned new fan
Of gled, everlasting, Internal cuss of shirt. !
ilSs was pictur to look at-Gnd so tCdS 4. Th
Of hide, har, and paste were about equally divide
L. between me and it. Wonder what Bets-dar
rs her-thought when she come home and ioun
l. me missin'. 'Spect she thinks L crawled mi
10 a thicket and died of my wounds. 1t mu
ID have scared her good, for tell you it locke
w. ike the skin of some wild beast torn off aiv
ed ed or bag what had covered load of fresh be-
e; home from a shootin' match"
er
e Baron James Rothschld, who died in Par
Rs Rs last week, was the last of the sons of Mey
Pc Anselm Rothschild, who founded the gre
he house which has played, during the last ma
nd Il; century so important part in the hG"te I1o
ID tique Of Europe. His nephew, Baron Maths
re- re, Lionel Rothschild, the head of the Londt
@s Gr branch Of the firr:, has just been defeated
Id c"N ~, -. e.. A., H;ty of .Ondon whi
y he he had represented for many years; The mel
Of harS of thn family CT hOtnSchlu dithOSI u" q
SG aSt; intermarry @ and the vast wealth accumulat
,er. i '' u L,so mill therefore not be scattere