The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-06-12
|. : aIrit1ana ''Du,ttut, .

: Wit1ana' '':Duu.ur.
Tile country for fishes-Finland.
Away with acknowledgements.
- The country for babies-Lap-
land.
"A very disagreeable Ann-an-
noyance.
"A deed without a name-an un-
signed will.
= The lap OF iuxury--a cat enjoy
ing her milk.
- Do but the half of what you can,
and you will be surprised at the result
of your diligence.
~ Why are old maids the most
charming of all people? Because they
are matchless.
- 1t is declared that the reason
why some eircusses fail is folks are
cir cussed dull.
IF man toasts the girl of his
heart, is that a reason why he should
be debarred from any but her?
- Instead of tear fof the suffer-
ing of the poor and needy drop shin
plaster, it will do more good.
- Why lisa clergyman marrying a
couple like an apothecary? Because
he compounds simples.
- Because young man is seen
with brick in his hat, it doesn't fol-
low that he is runner for mason.
- Josh Billings says-"When a
mans dog deserts him OH account OF his
poverty he can't get any lower in the
world-not by land"
-" 81 do not say" remarked Mrs.
Brown that Jones is IL thief, but do
say that, if his farm Joined mine, l
would not try to keep sheep"
-Aman is about to be tried, for
murder in Paris, tor having blown out
the brains of friend who wanted to
commit suicide but didn't have the cour-
age.
- What is the difference between
editors and matrimonial experience
In the former the devil cries for s'copy"
Tn the latter the ''copy cries like the
devil"
Sincerity, is speaking as we think,
believing as we pretend acting as we
profess performing as we promise,
and really being what we pretend to
be.
Our minds are like ill-hung We
hicles--when they have little to carry,
they raise a prodigious clatter: Wien
heavily laden they neither creak nor
rumble.
- A dandy ordering pair OF pam
falcons of his tailor, said he wanted
them very tight, according to the la
test fashion. SIT | can get them oil"
said he Il won't take them"
Such is the blessings of benevo-
lent heart that, let the world frOWn as
1t will. it cannot possibly bereave it of
all happiness, since it can rejoice i'll
the prosperity of others.
- In the story ofthe courtship of
loving couple, after all had been ar
ranged and fixed up, the narrator says:
.Here their lips came together, and
the report sounded like pulling a hor-
ses hoof out of the mire."
A Frenckmap soliciting reliet of
an English lady, said gravely to his
fair hearer. MADAME, L nevaire beg.
bat dat have Won wife vid several small
famiiy dat is growing very large, and
messing To make dere bread out of but
the perspiration of my own eyebrows"
-ssThis," said H, sis the grave
of the notorious gambler, Mr.. B.
You observe that there is no name re-
corded on the headstone, but L think
cas- suggest an appropriate epItaph.'
s'What wouldyou suggest ?" inquired
his friend.
awaiting for the last trump y was
the reply.
- Etiquette requires, in chinese
conversation, that each should compli-
ment the other and everybody belong
ing to him in the most lauditary man.
ncr and depreciate himself with all PEP
lining to him, to the lowest possible
point. The following is no exagger-
alton -,
"What is your honorable name ?"
"My insignificant appellation Is
Chang"
"WRere is your magnificent palace p
HMy eoRtesaptible hut is ut Luchan."
SHOW many are your illustrious chill
dren ?".--
any vile worthless brats are five
SHOW is the health Of your distin-
guishcd spouse?"
.My mean, good for nothing old wo-
is we'll"
The "Nation" relates the fol-
lowing anecdote ut young clergy
man who had Just buried his wife
I'm the early freshness of his grief he
was waited upon by one of his deacons
with the announcement that brother
Smith had left his church anc gone to
the Methodist's. and brother 5 NTH,
does say..you his owni mlnlsterl hurt
his feeling so he can never get over it,
The tender hearted shepherd was touch
ed by this i'm 1Atatjoa, and eager to
atone to the gFeved sheep for any UNI
Intentional wrong he might have done
him.
So he took up his little crook.
Determined TO find him
which he did sulkily over some job of
his trade of house-carpentry. after an |
expenditure of much atfcctionate en- |
treaty and skilhll ss-questioning |
She minister elected the following
swell, the fact is, kEew tGeFc Wasn't |
much chance of your Wis getting well,
and so went to worlS two or three |
weeks before she died, so as to have it
Ed ready, and just made the pretttcst
coffin for her that was ever turned
out in this togn. took her measure
a hundred times sitting right back OF
the parsons pew, you know. ! dldn't
saw nothing to you about it beforehand
cause my old woman bad notion 1t
would sort cut you Hp. ! don't know
why but whe8 heard you'd telegraphed
re- Roston for one of them new tangled