The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1868-09-12
BuD9et Of Finn.

When is man in tight place When he is
in bar-room.
New feminine reading-Man proposes, bat
woman accepts.
Mr.. Quilp finds that water resembles equity
when it's just ice.
When is a man thinner than single? When
he is a shaving.
How in the world can q floating debt be paid
out of sinking fund?
Idleness is the nest in which mischief lays it's
eggs.
What poem would civil engineer like to re-
cite I'm monarch OF all 1 survey"
Every time you avoid doing wrong you in
crease your inclination to do that which is right
Dana's Life of Grant contains chapter en-
titled 'Gsn. Grant as statesman" Prentice
says: Not more absurd would be- in a piscatory
work, chapter entitled ''the sardine as whale"
The Louisville Journal says woman, with all
her beauty and worth, should, remember that man
was the chief matter considered ut the creation.
ohe was only side-issue.
Aunt Betsy was trying to persuade little Jack
70 retlre at sunset. using an argument that all
the little chickens went TO roost at that time.
Eyes" said little Johnny, "but the old hen al
ways goes with them" Aunty tried no more ar
guments with HIM
What does man love more than life,
Hate more than death or mortal strife;
That which contented men desire,
The poor have, the rich require;
The miser spends, the spendthrift saves,
And all men carry to their graves Moth ng.
HAsTY MARRTAGEs.-When the widow Canter
was married to Mr. Rush, rhymester made this
comment:
When HyInen thought this maid to banter,
And dared her forth TO take a brush,
At first she went it with Canter,
But now she goesit with Rueh.
A dissipated young man, who ran away from
home and spent his substance IN riotous living,
resolved at last 10 return to the parental ROOT.
His father was kind enough TO forgive the young
rascal for his wickedness, and, rushing into the
house, overcome with 10y that the boy had re-
turned, cried cut Is his wife, Let US Kill the
Prodigal; the Cali has returned"
little four-year-oli was saying the Lords
Prayer short time ago, at his mothers knee and
after he had finished it his mother said. Now,
Sandy, ask God. to make you good boy" The
child raised his eyes 10 his mothers face for few
moments, as il in deep thought, and then star
tied her with the following reply: Its no use,
ma. He won't do it. I've askad Him heap OF
times
gentleman travelling on steamer one day
at dinner was making way with large pudding
close by, when he told by a servant that it
was desert. at matters not to me-" said he, 81
would eat it ii it were a wilderness"
drunkenness and extravaganza in dress are
the most common vices" said the Rev. DR. Teas
er. Il beg your pardon, uncle, but think there
IA social vice more common than either Of EN-,
and one to which you are yourself much addict
ed, responded his nephew Tom.-"NAme it,
said the uncle, aghast. Advice" reioined the
sudacious Tom.
People say that they she'll peas when they I'M
shell them that they dust furniture when they
undust IL, take the dust from it; that they
husk corn when they unhusk il that they skin
calf when they unskin it. Many men say
they weed their gardens when their wives do il
for them.
Among the obituary notices Of an Ohio paper
We find the following: ''Mr. Wn. Jones, of Malta
township, aged So, passed peacefully away, on
Tuesday last, from single blsssedness to Inatri-
monial bliss, after . short but sudden attack by
Alice Blossom, blooming widow OF S."
AGRICULTURAL Hoss TRoTs-At this season
Of horssraeing, Josh Billings moral reflections
on the equine subject are worthy of attention:
Men who have great deal TO do with boss
seem to demoralize faster than the bosses do.
Hoses like dice and kards, altho they are
virtuous enutf themselves, how nstral it is to
gsmbel with them.
Hoses love the society Of man, and being sus-
ceptible of CRATE deceit, they will learn man to
cheat andiio before he knows it.
/ know lots Nv folks who are real pins, and
who onest enutf to work up into United
STATES assessors, and such good moral chunks
left over, but when they come to talk boss, they
want !, much lacking after a. a 81 diDthery
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