Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-09-30

| BRAIN"
"fndge !" said another, Its simply hbe-
cause the rope isn't long enough to let his
teet touch the ground
81 au willing to split hairs with my op-
ponent all day, if he insists on it," said
very distinguished lawyer, in speech at the
| bar.
''Splt that then," said the opponent pull
ling coarse specimen from his own head.
''May it please the court, l did no. say
bristles !"
Long words, like long dresses, frequently
hide something wrong about the understand
ing.
Schoolmaster asked fair pupil, "Can
you decline kiss ?"
Eyes, sir,' she replied, "but hate, to
plaguidIy."
The lady, who stood on her dignity. got
cramp in her foot on account Of the small
ness Of the space occupied.
---S.s
"WIll you take half of thsgpoor apple -
said pretty damsel to q witty lover. "NoI
thank you I'd prefer the BETTER HALF."-
She blushed, and referred him to her papa.
Ny hearers" said an enthusiastic Texas
nt ic, x,;n
but truth heats eggs all hollow, and why d?
Because, trath crushed to the earth will rise
again, but eggs won't"
A Mrs. Boots, of Pennsylvania, has left her
husband, Mr.. Boots, and strayed to parts un.
known. He presume this pair of Boots are
rights and lefls. We cannot say, however,
that Mrs. Boots is right, but there is no
mistake Mr.. Boots is left.
Smith and Brown, running opposite ways
around a corner, struck each other. "Oh,
dear how you made my head ring" said
Smith
That's sign its hollow" said Brown.
"Rut didn't yours ring 2"
"No."
'That's sign its cracked" replied his
friend.
a shFewd politician once gave a grand
supper to some of his party friends, and
while his guests were dong full justice to his
iiberaty, he slipped from the room, and cal
ling his serVept, inquired :
"What wine did you put on the table ?''
The twenty-lour, sir.'
"Confonnd your eyes. you beast, that's the
oldest wine in the cellar ~
"les, sir and | materially thought you'd
Ike 10 get rid of the holdest fust
a correspondent OF the Boston Aduertiser,
writing from Martha's Vineyard, says:
'As sat on the beach to-day watching
the gambols Of hundred 'bathists,' inqur-
ed Of an old pilot if there was not danger to
be feared from sharks ''Not rnIte.n he
replied mot mite cever's been shark
seen here, sir, since taem creeturs," poin ting
pointing to the ladies, "took to the water
scared them al! t'other side of Gay Head"
Boys" said Uncle Peter, as he examined
the points of the beast, Il don't see but ore
reason why that mare can't trot her mile in
three minutes"
They gathered around to hear this oratu>
lar opinion, and one inquired, "What is
It 2"
"Why,' he replied, 'lhe distance is too
great for so short time"
THE KINDS.-A young lady, sensible
girl, gives the following catalogue of different
kinds of love-
"The sweetest, mothers love the lopg>
est, brothers love the strongest, wo-
mans love ;fthe dearest, mans love and
the sweetest, longest, strongest, dearest
love- a "love Of a bonnet"
The following epitaph in Pennsylvania
churchyard touchlngly commentaries the
gluttony of a husband, aud the grief of his
widow
Eliza, sorrowng, rears this marble slab
To her dear John who died OF eating crab!
a Maiden Lady, while in company the
other evening, alluding 10 her youthful
smartness, said, at six months old she went
alone. A malicious wag present remarked,
eyes, and you have been going alone ever
since.n
A wag has truly said, that if some men
could come out OF their coffins and read the
Inscriptions on their toInbstones, they would
think they had got into the wrong grave.
What did certain gentleman say to Poti-
piers wife ''Not for Joseph, no, no, no
not for Joseph, oh dear no ~