Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1868-07-25
The EVENING NEWS
A Social Chat with nm Under,.k.r

our general health, as usual, and what
we thought were the prospects OF
cholera, smallpox or other mortal cpl
denies visiting that locality soon, and
next thing he invited US to visit his es-
tablishment which was uear by, on the
principal street. We went with him,
and he took US all thorough the concern.
The first floor at the street level seemed
to be a reception room, where he "re-
ceiyed company" as he said-mourn-
ers, corpses aud funerals. On the
shelves were grave and coffin trimmings,
mourning goods, and a large show win
dow in front was well filed with hand
somely finished collins Of various sizes,
Grape, mourning wreaths, and such
like articles tastefully~ arranged. The
second floor was his warehouse"
Here a ghostly array Of collins, tall
short, slim and stout, stood on end
against the wall, all around the room.
Collins on the floor, collins in stacks,
cofins on trestles, collins open, collins
closed, oil sorts of cofins, collins every
where.
IlCECS Suiu hOShSD lVu sCS 4 nc
got collins enough to bury half Mud
Springs. It's the best assortment in the
country, aud out Of SIGH a lot most any
man, even the most particular, oughter
be able to select a satisfactory coffin for
hisself. Now, here's one big enough
and good enough for the Governor.
That lot there, is jest the fit for the
Mayor and Board Of Aldermen. That
medium-sized, stout one will do for the
County Recorder (; that one next to it is
lest right for the District Attorney-he's
slim, YOU know-and this ere would
fit you, splendid /; jest you try it on
now" 1.-THE devil" exclaimed we,
stepping back, for, confound the fellow,
he really meant business, "have you
got cofins ready made for everybody in
town." "Well, p'raps not jest exact
ly that, but | keeps my eye on every
body's measurement, and when you
came through the shop door | looked
past you at my scale of marks on the
door casin', and got yer length to half
an inch you see yourn's u Eastwood,
pure bass, with c~ottage-roof kiver and
silver mettle screws with big heads
them's the style nowadays. You know
a person amt nobody if they don't keep
up with the fashions. Style is every
thing; the old fashioned flush deck
kivers was moro convenient, but no.
body wants 'em COW. Don't laugh, eff
you please, sir, it's a mighty solemn
subject is this benz buried, and people
pays more attention TO hayiu' it doue
properly now than they used ter. Jest
look at this ere layout, in the corner.
You couldn't understand it, so I'll tell
yer. THIS is for them MS likes to be
tricked out in good style but can't af-
ford it-poor, but respectable, you
know, and so on. They takes q stained
pine, and this is the shell that goes out
side. It's thin and light, you see, and
fits most any common sized coffin, II
looks like a real black walnut, with sill
yer screws and plate, and is migS'y
.consolin' to poor mourners who takes
pride ia their deceased relatives. Here's
the satin trimmins, lace 6xins, and all
that sort Of thing, what goes inside.
lets these fancy arrangements cheap,
and they're used mose'n you think for"
Now here's q lovely coffin, Of the
latest and best style, SIGH as men gene
rally get for their wives. Yet 'isn't
all wives that's bin good enough to de-
serve haviu' SIGH fine cofius put onto
'em, but you know there's plenty Of men
in the world who treat their wives
mighty mean and finally worry EN- to
death then they know it looks well in
the ewes of the world and has q good
= th.;r f,k,ra nrnQnarfa |
to put on a long face aud bury EN- in
good, handsome style. Probably they're
glad to git clear OF 'em, and think they
can afford to go into a little extra ex-
on the occasion. There's n
beap O. crocodile grief and humbug-
cery as we'll as real mourning comes
under my observation. Look at this
ERE casket, now. Weighs just three
hundred pounds, pure, solid cast iron
with plate glass top. Pleasure to be
buried in SIGH q casket as that very
few kin afford it.
Now Jest come and let me show you
my msnufacturin' room. Here's where
I build 'em. This one, just finished,
is for Mr.. Jones. He died this morning
of inflammation of the bowels, so they
saw. O know. He had DR.. Jollup, the
very best doctor in town. He's got a
big reputation and brings me more
business than any two of the rest. lie
amt none of yer homeopathic hum
bugs, what gives nothing but little
c~bicken-feed pills, and amt no use to
druggists and undertakers. ne gives
medicine, he does medicine as has some
effect. Jones was a fine man 'mucn
esteemed for his many excellent virtues
and good qualities of mint n heart,
bv n large circle of warm friends who
are left to mourn his loss'-l believe
that's the way you reporters always
word it. It's mighty astonishin' amt
it, that the virtuous and highly esteemed
are the only ones as ever dies. Anyhow
it's so, accordin' to all newspaper
items. 'Twouldn't make no difference
il Jones had gone and been q
boss thief all his life and euchred
everybody he could-been the meanest
kind of a Jeremy Diddler-if you re-
porters made any special item OF his
death, you'd go on as usual to say ne
was yirtuous and highly esteemed.
Wander what you'd write about me II
should happen to die hrst. "a rs'ne.
yop,d lie about me in that case, n not
90 to saying that died virtuous anu
Siubly esteemed, and lamented BY. a
large circle of warm friends, but write
a great long string about my always
bayin' an eye to business, and goin
abou, s,ickin' my business cards under
siek peoples doors, maxim collins ios
;em before they're dead, or hapPenin'
roupd lust about the time they did die'
60 as TO get ahead of any other under
taker, if possible lookin' smilin' 4
when | had a good job happ'est only
in a sickly season, and all that sor. oi
thing, YOU know. Oh no, reporters
never tell lies mol spin twisters, not
they. You wouldn't, | knoW. AZ tue
same time (aside in a low voice. 1t you
should give me a nice little pun, you
know, | wouldn't mind standing u pref
ty good cofiu on it.
Jones was q fine man and leaves
his wilder $50, 900, so she affords him
a rich genuine black walnut. II
could always have my way in the mat
ter, I'd always suit the style Of wood
TO the character Of the individual. I'd
80. hprv rich neonle in black walnut: