The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1868-06-03

Diptheria, phthisic and bronchitis!)
fyou don't laugh after. reading. this,
it will be either because the .point is not
| seen, or there is no laugh in you.- We
are laughing now but beg The reader
not to laugh yet: = .--@.. ~. :: = :.
A gentleman was Gliding; bis son, for
staying out at night-or rather, early
| next morning-and said "Why: when
was of your age, my father would not
allow me to 60 cut of the house after
dark. J. "Then you had a deuce Of a
father-you had" sneered the. young
fprofigate. Whereupon the ther very
rashly vociferated "I7had a confouud-
ed sight better one than have, you young
rascal ~. ...,-.-.--,' = .-... =, -
A good thing, aads which our lady
readers will fully appreciate, IS thus re-.
lated - ...-..--.. -. p E. :
A lady correspondent ofthe Milwaukee
Sentinel, who writing under a non de
plume, had attracted considerable atten-
ton, received note from q gentleman
adnirer recently, in which the writer
said that lady who could put such
beautiful thoughts on pager must be
equally gifted in, person, etc, and wanted
to meet her BY moonlight alone, to which
she wrote consent. She came to the
rendezvous veiled; they walked, he
talked, be made love, finally gained con-
sent to take little kiss, the yeil%was
raised for the purpose, and the stricken
gentleman gazed upon the cemely features
of his own wife. =. ~ ..--..'. ,
A bitterly ingenious epigram is that
ofan old Greek poet on marriage. Its.
translations run thus. Z :. s.. -,
Two happy days in marriage are allowed
wife in wedding garb, and in her shroud:
Sure, then, that state cannot be called accurs,d
When the last days as happy as the first.
A-swain, named Wise, having married
damsel named Martha Cheevis. the vii
lage poet, celebrated the event in the fol-
lowing -. .z.",-.. - < :.
At length she seized the proffered prize, .
/ A happy one. believe us;;z &,
For matrimony made her Wise ) - .
Before she was Miss Cheevis.
Flees are about to begin their depre-
dations, and as they are exceedingly an
noying, and hard to kill, we give a re-
ceipt for killing: ~...,..,~,~.-.---'..,. s..
f. Place the ferocious animal on q smooth
board and pen him in with a, hedge of
shoemaker's wax. Then as soon as$he
becomes quiet, commence reading to him
the -doings OF Congress and he will burst
with Indignation. - s.. S. J,
"My son." said the elder Spriggles to
his junior, thinking to enlighten heaboy
on the propagation Of the hen species
my son do you know chickens come
out Of eggSy" ''Do they?" said Spriggles
junior, as helicked his plate 81 thought
eggs came out of chickens"
|. A man was suspected of stealing o
horse, and was arrested. ."What am
taken for ?" he inquired of the sheriff.
81 take you for horse" was the reply !;
whereupon he kicked the sheriff ovef,
and ran off. ~ -, 80. - .
DOMESTIC DRAMA.-Mother in the eel,
lar splitting wood-Daughter in the par.
lor singing to Clarence Fitz Noodle the
plaintive air :"Who shall care for mother
now.' - & ,. ;. -. - :. :
Isn't a oman wet enough with cata-
raet in. her eye, a waterfall on her head,
creek in hergback, forty springs in her
SKIRT high tied Shoes and . enlotion in
her bead?