The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1868-11-05
NUMBER 40.
How Seth Hawkins SIORo the
Old L0dy's Night Gown.


The Boston Nescs gives Us the follow
ing, as having occurred in one of the vii
lages of the old Bay State, within the
recollection of the writer. We do not
know when we have enjoyed so hearty a
laugh as on reading this incident in the
life of Seth Hawkins.
Sunday night was the season which
Seth chose to do his weekly devours, as
Mrs. Hornby would say, and his road to
neighbor Jones', whose daughter Sally
was the object of his particular hope, lay
across three long miles of territory, stumpy
as an old woman's mouth, and as ire
claimable as a prodigal son gone awav
for the third time.
One all sufficiently dark night, unheed-
ing wind and weather, as gallant and
spruce lover as ever straddled a stump,
Seth, in best ''bib and tucker and dick
ey, and all that, started upon his accus-
toned weekly pilgrimage to the shrine of
Sally Jones-a sweet girl by the way, as
Strawberries and cream are sweet
Seth knew every land mark, if he could
see 1t; but the night was very dark, and
IN little while he became confused in his
reckoning, and taking the light which
cleaned from farmer Jones cottage in tho
distance for guide, he pushed boldly on,
regardless Of intermediate difficulties,
surging occasionally to The right or left,
as some obstructions arose in his path,
until he ran stem on, as a sailor would
say, to huge stump, and rolled inconti-
nenly on the other side.
He gathered himself up as best he
could, shook himself to ascertain that no
bones were broken, and then re-started on
his mission of love, his ardor somewhat
damPened by feeling the cold night wind
playing fantastic jests around his body,
denoting that the conclusion had preached
his "Oh-fe for shame,' and that the
seven and six penny cassimeres were no
more to be the delight of his eyes in con-
temptation of their artistic excellence.
lie knew to considerable extent the
damage sustained, but soon gaining the
house, his first glance was over his person,
to ascertain if decency would be violated
by an unwonted display but seeing MOTH
ing, and trusting to the voluminous pro-
portions of bis coat for concealment, he
felt reassured and took his seat in prof
fered chair by the fire. Whilst convers-
ing with thesfarmer about the weather,
and with the dame upon rhe matter of
cheese, he glanced at Sally, and saw with
painful surprise, that she was looking anx-
iously, and somewhat strangely, toward q
portion of his dress. She averted her
eyes as she caught his glance but again
catching her eye upon him, he was induced
to turn his eye in the same direction, and
saw, good heavens was it his shirt ?
oezing out Of a six inch aperture in the
inside of one of his inexpressibilities He
Immediately changed his position, and
from that moment was on nettles. Was
he making more revelations by the ClAange7
He watched his first opportunity to push
the garment in little. Could be succeed
in hiding it, it would relieve his embarrass-
ment. Again he watched his chance, and
again slowed away the linen. 1t seemed
interminable, like the doctors tape worm,
and the more he worked it, the more there
seemed left.
In the meantime, his conversation took
the hue of agony, and his answers bore as
much relation to the questions asked, as
the first line of the Songs of Solomon does
to the melancholy burden of "Old Marin
pettingil."
Al last, with one desperate thrust, the
whole disappeared, and he cast trium-
phant glance toward Sally. One lonk
sufficcd to show that she had comprehend
ed the whole, and with the greatest effort
was struggling to prevent laugh. Meet
ing his glance, she could contain herself
no longer, but screaming with accumula-
fed fun, she fed from the room and Door
Seth, unable to endure this last turn of
his agony, seized his hat, and dashed mad
ly from the house, clearing the stumps
like racer in the dark, and reaching
home he hardly knew when or how.
As soon as he was gone, Mrs. Jones
looked about for clean night gown that
she had out for service on the back of the
chair on which Seth had sat. She was
positive she had taken it out, but where
upon earth 1t was she couldn't conceive.
sally J" cried the old lady from the
door, shave you seen my night gown 20
'1es'm," echoed her voice, as if in the
last stage of uffocation-"yes'm, Seth
Hawkins wore it home!' 1t was unforS
tunately the case, and poor Seth had
slowed it away in the crevasse of his pants.
l: was returned the next day, with an
apology. and he subsequently married
Sally but for many years after, if an ar
ticle of any description was missing, of
apparel or otherwise, the first suggestion
was. that Seth Hawkins had slowed it
away in his trowserF.
Seth Hawkins is now q prominent and
influential merchant in the city of Boston,
and often relates the story himself for the
amusement of his young friends.
Only four hundred souls survive the