The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-09-10
Short Paragraphs.

as son-in-law in respectable family. He
would have no objection, he says, to going
q short distance in the country.
A disturbed preacher remarked, eff
that cross-eyed lady in the side aisle, with
red hair and blue bonnet, don't stop
talking, must draw attention to her,"
An aged bachelor being asked if he ever
saw public execution, was rascal enough
to say, "No; but | once witnessed mar
riagc." He is still at large.
The way they weigh hogs in Kansas is
as follows: They first tie the hog to the
end of rail, balance the rail on fence,
with rocks tied to the other end, and then
guess how much the rocks weigh.
A lady, writing upon the subject, says:
"When men break their hearts, it is the
same as when lobster breaks one of his
claws-anOther sprouting Immediately and
growing in its place"
The Des Moines Register says the grass
hoppers recently eat up half acre of to-
bacco for a man near that place, and when
the owner went out to look at it, they sat
on the fence and squirted tobacco juice in
his eyes.
A crusty old fellow says: "Eve was the
only woman who never threatened to 90
and live with her mamma" A spunky
woman retorts: "And Adam. was the only
man that never tantalized his wife about
'the way mother used to cook"
A little girl, just past her fifth year,
while chattering about the beaux that Wis
tied her sisters, being asked, "What do
you mean by bcaux, Annie p replied,
"Why, | mean men that haven't got much
sense"
"Dar are," said a sable orator address,
ing his brethren, "two roads tru dis world.
De one am broad road dat leads to per-
diton, au' de udder a narrow road dat
leads to destruction" eff dat am de case
| den dis cdliud Individual takes to de
woods" said one of his hearers.
When young man is clerk Of store
and dresses like u prince, smokes fine ci-
gars, drinks nice bran dy, attends theatres
dances and the like, l wonder if he does
it all on the pay of his clcrkship?
When young lady sits in the parlor
during the day, her lily-white hands cov-
cred with rings, wonder if her mother
doesn't wash the dishes and do the work
in the kitchen2
When the deacon of church sells bad
articles and recommends them as good,
l wonder what be relies on for salvation
When minister of the gospel is in the
habit of doing things forbidden in the Bi-
BILE and against which he boisterously de-
claims in the pulpit, | wonder if he thinks
people have any real respect for him s?
When young man is dependent on his
daily toll for his income, and marries a
woman who does not know how to
make loaf of bread or mend garment,
wonder if he is not lacking somewhere
towards the top for instance?
The misery of being called upon to
make speech. suddenly, was once gotten
over by noted English mathematician
who delivered himself in this fashion
"Gentlemen, morbid desire for originali-
ty prevents me from saying sTbis is the
proudest hour of my life,' and it does not
occur to me say anything else"
A fellow, on being asked to write tes.
timonial for patent clothes-wringer, pro.
duced the following 81 bought your pa.
tent clothes wringer, and am immensely
pleased with it. | bought load of wood
which proved to be green, and unfit To
burn. | run the whole load through yonr
clothes-wringer, and have used the wood
for kindling ever SINCE"
On tombstone in certain churchyard
is the following epitaph: directed to the
memory of John Phillips, who was acci-
dentally shot as mark of affection by his
brother"
If you run your umbrella through q
mans hat, soothe him by saying he need
not apologize for having it in the way. Al
the same time congratulate him that il
wasn't his body.
! Lord Lyttleton was very absent-minded
bin company, and once when he fell into
: the river by the upsetting of boat, it is
said that he sank twice before he recollect.
ed that no could swim.
"That's fine strain," said one gentle.
man to another, alluding to the tones Of
singer at concert the other evening
. eyes," said a countryman who sat near
ssbut if he strains much more he'll bust.''
Do you observe how devotional Deacon
Buffam is 7" "Yes, he's very devotional
He always keeps his head bowed in praye,
| until the contribution box has passed."