Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-10-30

And none would like to keep-A bed.
A lady who had refused to give,
after hearing charity sermon, had
her pocket picked as she was leaving
the church. On making the discov-
the way to my pocket, but the devil
did"
A young women, meeting former
fellow servant, was asked how she
liked her new place, Very well. -
Then you have nothing to COM
plain off, Nothing. only master
and mistress talk such very bad
GRAMMAR"
A man was inquiring what he
should do with his mutilated postal
currency. A fellow who overheard
the query, replied: deposit it in
the contribution box at the evening
meetings, the same as other pious
! people do"
An old Scotch maid, who was asked
to subscribe to raise men for the king
during the Peninsular war, answer
ed, " Indeed I'll do no such thing |
never could raise man for myself,
and am not going to raise men for
King George"
A contractor who was building a
tunnel on certain Ohio railroad,
observed that member of his gang
had his face all spotted with bruises
and plasters. "Ah jimmy" said he,
what have you been doing ?" mot
very much sir" answered Jimmy;
II vac just down at Billy Mulligan's
lac nj h
had bit av discooshin wild sticks !'i
An Irishman being asked at a din.
ner table whether he would take some
apple pie
Is it whulsome?" he asked,
looking at it.
ask ?"
I" Because [ once had an uncle
that was killed with apple plexy,
and sure L thought il something oil
the same sort of dish"
There is an anecdote told some
where of dispute i'm which a bois-
ferrous ill-bred fellow called his adj
yersary no gentleman.
Il suppose you think yourself one"
was the reply.
Certainly L do" answered the
bully.
"Ihen," said the other, "I'm not
offended that you don't think me
ene."
AT a public dinner i'm Edinburg.
Professor Blaekie told the following
story" A boy at Presbytery ex-
animation was asked, What is the
meaning of regeneration oh, to
be born again. he replied. Quite
right, Tommy you're q very good
boy. Would you not like to be born
againT Tommy gave no reply; but
on being pressed for an answer, at
last said, No. why, Tommy p
Tommy replied, For fear / might be
born laSsie.'h
RECEIPT FOR MAKING A JOHN
soNITE-Take a half-and-half milk
and water Union man; put him i'm a
Copper kettle, throw i'm q Postmas-
ter's commission, Johnson's 22d of
February speech and the one he
made at every place along his late
pilgrimage pour in a gallon of whis-
ky keep the man boiling until the
commission is signed and the whole
and then set off to cool. The "mix-
ture" will be cold enough for all prac-
teal purposes Immediately after the
November elections.
The friendship of most men in
these days is like some plants i'm the
water, which have broad leaves on
the surface of the water, but scarcely
any root at NIL like lemons, cold
within, hot without; full express
ions, empty intrntions; speak loud
and do little: like drums and truu. o.
cts and ensigns i'm a battle. which
make a noise and a show, but act
nothing; mere friendships in pre-
tence and compliment. that can bow
handsomely, and promise emphatic
ally, and speak plausibly, and for
get all. But atrue real active friend.
whose words are the windows of his
heart, the n0tifiers of his affection
such friend is rare, and hardly to
be found.
A NOVEL AwARD.--At the Wiscon-
sin State Fair held last week at Mad
ison, all itinerant medical gentle
man entered his institution for a
premium. He received his reward at
the hands of the Committee who
acted as Judges of Miscellaneous
articles" of whom Hon. +. ID. Hast
ings was chairman. consciensciously
discharging their duty, they gave
him the following conspicuous men
E tion in the award of premiums,
which we find bringing up the rear
of the list:
Improved travelling medical in
n NJ =
"a genuine hunabug."
A few more such showings up
would be healthy thing for the
community.