Des Arc weekly citizen., 1868-05-23
An Essay on srarrias..
-"2 solcs with but a single thort,


 hearts as beats like 1.
 Marriage is that conglomeration of the sexes as is considered constitutions al in all countries but it is more par ticularly one of the United States. When man so fur furgits himself as to git married, he bids farewell to the Declaration of Independence, and be- comes at once member of the garter, an order established by the crusaders in the ''times that tried mems soles." Marriage grammatically speakin' is a compound conjunction, and shows the relation between man and woman. Ac- | cordin' to arithmetic, 1 don't see how people make out that marriage makes two folks one, for if you take the cy- pher (O and add to the unit (l) man, it makes 10, unless figurs lie and figures won't lie in anything else unless it is marriage. Different folks have different reasons for marvin some marry for love and some for riches, and some because they want to and some because they can't help it. When man falls in love he takes to readin' yaller kivered novels, and wearin' lav- ender colored kids and patent leather boots as pintches his toes, and putin new mown hay" onto his pocket hand kerchief. Then he furgits to put sugar in his coffee, and makes mistakes in his accounts.-Then he takes to drink ing Mr. Winslow's soothing syrup, and putting squills on his hair, and parting the same in the middle on the top of his head. AS the time approaches for him to be hitched to the adored of his buzzem, he feels like a,n eel was crawl ing down his back, and little cupids with wings and without any cloths on was singing the Star Spangled Ban ner in the air all around Then like the prodigal son, he goes from bad to wus, until he gifts his name in the pa per under the proper headin', and tells the world that he is united in paddock, and "no cards played, and sends some gingerbread and pop bear to the editor who wishes the happy pare a, long ' life and many of 'ens. Then comes the hunnymune and the bridal trip to Niagara, or Mammoth Cage or the Bridge of size.-After this the hunny- mune is all muneshine, until a still small voice announces that there's an ''angel in the house, as the poit says; but it seemed more like the dickens was in the house when 1 heard em. After stwi.iio there's a family Jar, which jars ain't fit to preserve friendship. They are '.of the earth earthly."
 When Araminta and | got married, after coartship of some seventeen winters, during which she never ''told her love, but ikea worm in the mud, fed onto her damaged cheek, we had lots of presents of tinware, short cloths spoons and other wearing apparel ; but rather more spoons than anything else. It was a very spooney time.-- Cutler hadn't been round at that peri od.) But the short chothes still lie in bureau drawers monument ane. mock cry to boyish dreams and disappointed ambition. As the Scorched poit, Burns says:
 '.The best laid schemes of mice and men,
 Oft gang aglee,
 But Araminta and I are drawin down the vale of life together, still loyin still hoping that the time will soon come when we shall have to provide a extra spoon and porringer. Trooly hope is a sheet anker to the soul.- Long may she waveA
 But marriage is divine institution, more so than republican form of gov ernment. Adela couldn't live without Mrs. Adem, snaix or no snaix. And becos they raised Cain after they were married, it's no sine that other folks rais cain in their mar ried stait. Becos they ct up their best winter apples it's no sine married peo- pie should have each others hair come out before the usual time! Marriage is mootual, and one can't git along without a child on the end ont. Wo- man to man is like bob to kite; the more she is attached to man the higher he can fiji. Marry early and mary often {; and when you git good woman, stick to her shoemaker's wax to hot stove or a Spaldin's glu to broken china. Sich is the law and the profits.
 Piecefully yourn,
 A. HEAD.