The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-09-11
Wtif anS Duutuu

Wtt atth Dlttttnr. |
- A doubtful dish-hash.
- Quarter Observation-Disclosures.
- Queer kind of love-a neuralgia |
affection.
---- Mons anse has been described as
sense that differs from one's own.
- What is that by losing an eye has
nothing left but nose ? A noise.
- Mr.. Pegg says he don't care any
thing about credit at the grocers, if he
can only get the goods.
- "Madam you said your son was
alawyer, las he much practice ?" Eyes,
sir; he has practice of smoking ci-
gars !"
- Jake being told OF a brewer
who had been drowned in one of his
watts exclaimed. '.Alas poor man, float
ing on his watery bier ?"
- A butcher boy says he has often
heard of the four qr arters of the globe,
but has never heard any one say any
thing about the headquarters.
- We came across man the other
day who was so conservative that he re-
lttnCu w bdhC d PAL blCuihT tfltulClflc re-
commended as radical cure.
- Prudes, who take fire so easily at
the slightest intimation of improperly,
are like punk, which catches fire fnstan-
ly' after having been once burned.
- Some one asks very innocentiy
IL it is any harm TO sit in the lapse of
ages. 1t depends on the kind of ages
selected. Those from II to % are extra
hazardous.
- links says il was not amiss that
he married a widow. He advises all
young men to marry widows who can,
because, he says they know all the ropes
in the partnership.
- An Irish clergyman once said
while preaching, "My friends I am Jest
half through my seruon, but as you
seem to be tired, the last half will not
be one quarter as long as she first"
- A dandy with cigar in his mouth
entered menagir,e, when the proprie-
tor requested him to take the weed from
his mouth lest he should learn all the
other monkeys bad habits.
49, Butler says s'there is room enough
I'm this world for him and other mem"
That's the reason decent people give him
a wide birth. But he will be cramped
in the other world.
"A lady passed through this city
yesterday with an establishment made
up as follows: Seventeen trunks, two
poodles, one pussy, two servants, seven
umbrellas and husband.
- Lost yesterday, a small morocco
pocket book, containing talor's bill for
$50, Any person finding the same will
please pay the bill and nothing more
will be said.
- A fellow being treated to glass
of wild cherry wine exclaimed as soon
as soon as he got the pucKer out of his
mouth, ''gosh hope them cherries were
so wild that the man didn't catch ma
ny of them ~
- A young lady tainted at the din
ner table the other day on hearing a
certain gallant sea-captain remark to
lady friend beside him, that he had "of-
ten been rocked on the ssbosom of the
ocean"
- An Indian chief, in telegraph
Office IN Montana, being told that the
operator was talking with white broth
er two thousand miles Distant" gave it
MS opinion that it was the longest talk
he ever witnessed.
"A printers devil once went to
see a preachers daughter. He was
much surprised the next Sunday to hear
her father give out the text "My daugh-
ter is grievously tormented with dew
ill.,"
"A thoughtful and provident old
gentleman is going to get his life in
sured. 80 that whenhe dies he can have
somthing to live on, and not be depen-
dent on the cold charities of the world
as he once was"
- An Irish emigrant hearing the
sunset gun at Portsmouth asked what
il was, "Why, that's sunset,r was the
reply. "Sunset !" eXclaimedPat; stAnd
does the sun go down in this country
with such bang as that ?''
Nothing awakens serious thought
so certainly in noble mind, as the mo-
ments OF its highest enjoyment. JOY
and Grief are man and wife, and when
we see the one we are reminded If the
other.
- A bachelor sea-captain. who was
remarking that he wanted a good chief
officer, was promptly Informed by a
young lady present that she had no OBJ
jections to being his first mate. He took
the hint-and the lady.
- A Memphis paper describing a
case of deliriums, says that Denis Law
Ter, was brought to the Adams street
station with beautiful case of jim-iams
a box of tanners, seventeen thousand
rattle-snakes, in his boots, and pea
green Monkey, with Il scarlet tail, sit
ting on his shoulder.
= A young lady who teaches music
in academy in Western New York, sent
an order to the publisher recently in
which she bad spelled the words very
poorly. She apologized by adding
postscript as follows:
s'You must exkews this letter, as l
play by noat and spell by ear"
- An Ohio school girl went through
her calasthenic exercises at home for
the amusement of the children. A
youthful visitor, with interest and pity
on her eOuntenance, asked her brother
"if that gal had fits ?" "No, replied the
lad contemporary, ''them's gymnas-
tics" sob, It's hey?" said verdant,
show long has she had 'em ?"
- "Dear mel" exclaimed Stiggins,
"that new surgeon gave Squantum's
boya new lip from the child's own cheek
what painful operation it mnst have
been y II have had pair of lips ia
ken from my cheek, more than once"
replied Mrs. Stiggens, "and it was not
a painful operation at ALL" Stiggins
eyes flashed and his cheek flushed. but
he controlled the demon of Jealousy
which ragged IN his BOSOM.
- A poet wrote stirring ode on
victim OF persecution who was burned
at the stake about the. time Columbus
discovered AmericaEih which occurred
the line.