North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-10-21
An Essa on Long Branch.

BY JOSH BIILINs.
Long Branch is work of natur, and IL
a good job.
1t il a summer resort for men, wimmin
and children, especially the latter.
Children, are az plenty here, and az
sweet as flowers in out door gardin.
They play in the sand for work, and git
their feet wet for fur.
Their IL sum attempt at style here, but
the prevailing disease IL good sense you
can see this stick out in the way people
take it natural and cazy, and don't try to
outstrip each other in wearing clothes, and
them exquisite:
| didn't see but one woman here who
was dressed too ekonomikal, and her
dress was plenty long enough at the bot
tom, but the front side of her shoulders
seemed to lack suinthinS
put up at the Continental Hotel, near
the roof of the building, from choice
l kan say that this house is kept good
deal, without neutralizing my dignity; for
l paid the same price the rest of the
boarders did for my vittles.
l shall put up here agin, when cum, II
have tew straddle the ridge pole.
l never leave good hotel for better
one; i learnt this fishing for frogs. If
am where the frogs bite good, that's mi
puddle. l have known folks tew swap a
good horse for poor one, jist for the sake
J ov 10 dollars tew boot.
My wife puts up with me at the aame
hotel; it iz an old .ashioncd way we have
ov doing things.
She always goes tew fashionable resorts,
where young widders are ennyways plen-
ty, to put EN- on my guard, for am one
ov the ea2yest critters on record tew be
imposed upon.
She has saved me (by the hare ov the
head) more than six time already, from
being split by the widders.
She liz an ornament to her secks-my
wife iz.
would like :ew see young widder, or
ehny other man git the start ov me when
mi wife IL around.
| If i jist step out sudden tew get soder
cocktail tew cool my aching brow, my wife
goes tew the end of the verandy with me,
and waits for me, and if go down onto
the beech tew astronomize jist little, ali
alone by moonlite, she stands on the pluff
like a beacon lite, tcw warn me Nv the
breakers.
| No man whoes feet are slippery, and
who hain't been accidentally insured
against recent widder. ought to be allowed
on the Branch without wife who under.
stands her bizz.
The hotels now are phat with folks, awl
ov whom ackt fust rate, except the pesky
widdefs. and don't see ennything so very
awful about them, but my wife duz, and
she knows.
The biggest thing they have got here,
for the present, liz the pool ov water in
front ov the hotel. This pool said bi good
judges tew be 5000 miles long, and sum
places miles thick.
Into this pool, every day at 10 o'c clock
the folks all retire, males, femalss and
widders, promiskuss.
They dress in flannel attire, ov menny
colours, and look az near alike, whep they
are in the pool az flock ov ducks and
brakes.
The water in this pool haz stood so long
i: haz got salty, and ought tew be changed,
and beleave they have got bill before
! the M jersey legislature for that purpose.
but M jersey folks are shy about tricing
experiments. They are williag tew invest
little sumthing in a ded sure thing, but i
don; think they will ever undertake to
freshen the pool.
The Grecian Crook is prevailing here
just now amung the yung ladys.
The bend seems tew be sumwhere near
the small ov their backs, and gives them a
very intelektual look, the same az the
anshunt greeks had. altho think their
walk resembles tew much Il sore>footed
goose.
The turnouts are unkommen menny,
and silk, four in hand are frequent. |
had the espeshall honor ov being slung
around the butiful avenews and through
the queenly grounds ov Mrs. Uuoy bi four
white-footcd sorrels, dressed in russet and
white harness, and driven tcw an elegant
drag by their owner, Prof. Erstman, OF
Po'keepsie.
set up on the back seat az stiff az a
bridegroom, and every boldly seemed tew
hav their eyes close reefed on US.
The Hon. Abijah Palmer, ov the Moo
York Senate, sat with the Professor, and
the Rev. Henry Frost supported Ine.
The bands Of musk in front of the diff.
ierent hotels played for us.
must say felt a little big.
And it amt to be wondered at, for l
hav bin much in the habit, ov late years.
ov going afoot when rode.
The scenery here iz grand. especially
the pool, and the air IL az bracin as a
milk puntch.
The tables are full ov vittles, ami the
servants are az polite az dancing masters.
| gave one ov them so cent shnplaster,
and he opened and shut in front ov me
for five min ties, az easy az a jak knife
that had been recently creased.
Drinks are reasonable, espeshly out ov
the pool, and cigars must be plenty and
cheap. judging from the vast concourse
ov stub ends liein around loose on the
lawns.
The last touch ov civilization has finally
reached Long Branch. Some enterprising
missionary has just opened club house
WHARF all kinds ov gambling iz taught.