The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-02-07
OATS WHAT A MAN SAID.

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Fellow-citizens and de ladies i'm par
ticuar: pears before you dis evening
fresh from de presence of my washer
woman, and dc balance of my family
to elucidatc de subject of all de funni
calities, comicalities and originalities.
Whar's de good time coming?-am il
here? am it dar? M
My sweet geraniums, when de Prince
of Whales married Lucretia Borgia, and
de radicals run Off Wild all de Sunday
school stamps, what did Oliver Crorn-
well say? Why, as he stood drinking a
glass of bay rum wild Barnum's bearded
woman, he said TO himself
| H W OATS WHAT A MAN SAID.
Secondly, in dc third place, in de time
OF lie wet weather, when it rained thir-
ty-seven days and twenty -four nights
IN de long dry month of Angus, when
Noah took into de Ark, out OF de wet,
de elephant, de little pigs, dc cockroa-
eles, and all de other birds-now do
you spose dat ii he had given de contrac
to bnild dc Ark to Governor Brown
low datit would have been finished? of
course it wouldn't, it would taken eve
ry cent de old man had to pay de COM.
missions and de taxes, because. uoe
OATS WHAT A MAN SAID.
Fourteenth chapter eighty-nine sec
ton, mahogany drawers-my knight
blushing seri0usnesses
Let us take a front seat in dc lobby
and look down amid de hall of Con-
gress; and dar we win find cbery ting
failure; from de risin of de moon even
to de goin down of de cotton market
De stars dat didn't fell was failure
dc buro is failure; because whar is de
niger dat ever got one?
One eyed chapter. clause twenty
fourth special act de Rump Congress:
My beloved holly hawks-What does
de pole say on de subject of a-of-so-
forth and all dat sort Of tings ? why he
says
Dar was an old woman, and what do you
think
She lived upon nothing but vittle and drink.
In de seventeenth place, section de
forty thieves: My Peruvian sunfiow-
crs-Glve your divided years my atten-
tion. When man enters de holy
bonds ofpadlock, when he leads his gal
to the halter, does he ever think how
sad'll be his fate before he is bride
wise? Now when his queen of spades
consumes dc reigns of government, sup
pose she should be a little sulky, or de
bride cotch alittle buggy, den whar's
he gwinc to get his cup of coffee in dc |
mornin? why den he will have to wag-
on de best way he can, because when
ae woman gets to wearing de feminine
sander of dc masculine goose, dey are
soon to put de blind bride on dc man
md have dar own way.
Sparagrass de forty third, sexton
ok, lobster ella use: My infatuated
cinnamon draps-Whcn Abraham Col
imbus brought dis world ober here, de
lew world dat he has just got up and
when he came sailing up de
beautiful river, " hat was the fust oues-
ion he asked? Why, my incipient
lahlias, as he stood taking a drink of
ager beer with Abram Lincoln. dc
'oct and horsetamer, he asked Mullins
What he got for de last niggers he sold.
MY disgustcd hearers, let us look at
le tax bill. Dar's gwine to be tax i
ut upon everything, and and more too. l
rec dollars an inch ON de gals hoops; .
en- cents on Brownlow's melish, and 9
ats about as much as dcy are worth. '
iy brndder ignoramuse, in de course t
b human events, it becomes useless to a
rotract dis subject any furder, and /
ow Lay me down to sleep on lad t
er. /,