Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-03-20
wise .S othcrwise.

Things wise 81 Otherwise.
Capital weather, Mn. Jones, cap,
ital weather. My wife'sgot such . bad
cold that she can't hardly speak.
like such weather.
At Stewart fills most Of his first
class mercantile positions With broken
down merchants. He finds the best
material in those who have been nn-
fortunate.
AT n concert recently. Mt the conclu
sion of the song, There's q good time
coming country farmer gotnp and
exclaimed Mister, you couldn't fir
the date could your"
The eiitorof Kansas paper says the
best thing his contemporary has got off
during the week is--a dirty shirt. The
contemporary replies that he can't say
rs much as that for his brother editor.
! "A Shoemaker, Intending to be absent
few days, lnmplacked shingle with
/ the following, without date, and nailed
1t upon the door :--"Will. be home In
ten days from the time you see this
shingle.n
The editor of the Memphis Audlanch
advertises his saEctum as temporarily
/ in the county Jail, and announces that
| he intends with editorial pincers, to
make the putred flesh that covers tho
rotton bones of his prosecutor quiver
like worm In hot ashes.
The Chicago Tribune thinks the
cause of hard times Is that two many
! young men repudiate farming and take
/ to- manufacturing and trading, SO that
/ while we have not enough to eat we
have twice az many clothes as we can
wear. A greater truth was never spc-
ken.
Tn chastising GIRL Of large dimen-
sions, u Maine school.teacher had his
hair disturbed and his face scratched.
| The girls father gave him the choice
of the leaving the village, being prose-
4 cuted, or taking thrashing. The
teacher had not been able To make up,
his mind, at last advices.
In the city of Mobile, bald eagls
\ descended into yard and seized
young kid. The old guat made fight
with the spoier, and the lady of the
house, hearing the racket, went out
aud knocked the "bird of liberty On
the head with stick, stunning him so
that he was easily captured and tied.
Brick Pomeroy's advertisement for
Il Confederate flag, to hang I'm his sane
tum, does not meet with universal fa-i
vur among his Southern friends. The
Petersburg Inder snuhs him In the fol-
lowing fashion: 1--WE doubt the pro.
priety of sending the flag to man
Il who didn't go to 1t. We haven't much
respect for this after-the battle feryor,"
"My opponent, Mr.. Speaker, persists
that he Ii entitled to the floor.
\ Whether he is or not, shall not en-
I, quire. All l have TO say is, that
whether he Is entitled to the floor or
not he'll get floored If he interrupts
me again. Here the gentleman from
Bloody Creek pulled UP his sleeves and
took his neck-tie off.
To one who asked pecuniafy assts-
tance of crusty capitalists the re-
mark was made:" Heaven help those
who help themselves said the would
be borrower sourly. THAT reminds
me Of a fall that | got when was
from by-stander Come here, sonny,
and will pick You up.'p n $50
i The Manchester IN, H. Union says:
IA tall Eastern girl, named Short,
4 long loved a big Mr.. Little; while Lit
tie, thinking little of Short, loved o
little lass while little, thinking little Of
Short, loved little lass by the name of
Long. TO make long story short,
Little proposed To Long, and Short
longed to be even with Little's short
comings. So Short, meeting Long,
4 threatened 20 marry Little before long,
i (Query).- ).--Did tall Short love big Lit
tie less because Little loved Long.
Mrs. Partiugton says: "For my
part can't deceive what eddication II
comm to. When / was young Ii a
gal only understood the rules of dis-
traction, provision, multiplying and
replenishing, and knew all about the
rivers and their obituaries the con-
venants and their dormtories; tho
provenants aud their umpires; they had
enough. but now they have TO study
bottomy, algebray, and hafto demon-
strate suppositons about the sycoph-
ants of paralelagrams, cowstocks and
obtues triangles."
Somebody shot the dog belonging to
the editor of the princeton Ky. Pro-
gress. The editor rcturnes his thanks
! as follows :--"If the two-legged, bob
tailed dog thatshot our four-legged long
tailed dog on Tuesday night last, will
kcali at our Office, he can get his hide
tanned-muchly. ANY one who will
wait until dark night to shoot pup
which they know wouldn't bite any
meat 10 thinks IL alive, wouldn't hcsi-
tate to steal the Blind Georges last
II five-center, and kick the old darkey
because Congress c0ulden't by special
enactment make the aforesaid individ-
+ uals Blind Georges equal--nor would
H MT dare face white eat I'm dark alley
with q brace Of ten-inch navy skies
and slung shot.
How TO Go TO BED.--Hall's Journal
of Heath gives the following advice
how to 20 to bed in winter time. These
! who practice retiring on the "cuddie
!. up" plan, will readily fall In with
these Suggestions.
II DO II IN n hurry II there Ia no fire In
the room; and there ought not to be,
unless you are quite an anvalid. But
III a person Is not in good health 10 IL
best TO undress by good fire warm
and dry the feet well; draw on the
stockings again; jump into bed and
cuddle up, with head and ears under
cover for minute or more; then un-
cover your head next draw off your
stockings, straighten out, turn over on
your right side and 90 to sleep. IL q
sense OF chiiiness c0Tnes over you on
getting into bed II always will do an
injury and its repetition increases the
iii effect, Without having any tenden-
. cy to "harden" you. Nature abhors
Violence. We are never shocked into
health. Hard usage makes no gar
ment last longer.
A SCHOOL Boy PRoDUCTIoN.--We
| have seen remarkable utterances and
literary efforts attributed TO proeocious
more indicative Of rare genius
than tho following on the ''hipoppota-