The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1868-02-22
Bupget of finn.

Water reddens the rose, whisky the nose, Jack
Frost the toes.
Why is love like Scotch plaid? Because it is
all stuff and often crossed.
The happiness that comes from making happy
is fOretaste OF heaven.
A man in New Orleans is under arrest for as
ssult and battery on an elephant.
"In wine there is truth" but Washington
gossip AYERS that in whisky there is untruth
In friendship as in love, wo are often happier
in our ignorance than IN our knowledge.
The latest heard from Beecher is, that his
prayers will soon be dramatised and put on the
stage with Norwood.
A retired editor says his connection with the
press has thawed and resolved itself into due.
Sir Philip Snyder said: Il am no herald to
inquire Of mems pedigrees; it sufticeth me if I
know their virtues"
gentleman wrote: "There's not globule Of
blood in my heart that does not bear your photo
graph" He had it very bad.
The negroes in Georgia have formed League
to protect each other in hog stealing. 1t is
worthy branch of the "Union League" Of the
North.
A high authority says that it is the proper
thing. for gentleman, on marrying widow be-
fore the expiration of hor mourning, to put ON
weeds for his larnented predecessor.
A school teacher out in Kansas recently got
married, and very affectonately presented the
pastor with Websters Unabridged Dictionary
as marriage fee. ar.
Mississippi editor has been furnished with
an 'album quilt By the women OF his county,
each one of them contributing part nscribing
her name on her work.
A midnight elopement in New York was frus-
trated by cat who frightened the young lady
into u fainting fit as she was going down stairs
10 meet the expected lover at the door.
The man who is always talking about drink
ing in the sublimity of nature" was at last &C
counts threatened with delirium tremens.
Offices should seek men, not men offices, is q
very good saying, but the offices won't go about
doing anything Of the sort. so men take TO the
business.
Mike Lipman, in tho circus business has gone
into bankruptcy in CinciIaati; liabilities $780,
900; assets, live buffalo, bears wild cat,
pony, den, monster wagon.
An Irish waiter at hotel, ordered Nv weary
traveller TO bring larger bootjack than the one
in the house, advised tho broad footed guest to
60 further and use the fork in tho road lust be-
yond
Cory O'Lanus advises tho ladies' though it is
leap year. 70 look carefully before they leap, be-
cause if they get husbands who do not suit, they
can't be changed for better ones very easily, at
least without going to Chicago.
If going uncovered indicates a reversnt spirit,
as it is claimed in some countries, many of our
ladie. in fashionable circles patterns of rev.
erence. They are head and shoulders in advance
OF the world in general
AN unloved wife" who ought to know OF
that she speaks, because she has much expert.
ence, says that the reason that ladies look 50
much TO money, in the matter of marriage, is,
that nowadays they seldom find anything
else in a man worth having
UNBECoMING LEvITY.-Punch illustrates
"unbecoming levity," by presenting wood cut
Of the scene in church, wherein a crowd Of spec
tators are awaiting the arrival of wedding party.
To the scene is appended the dialogue by way Of
glossary
Fair young LADY, see somebody In the
crowd outside waving a handkerchief. I sup
pose the bride is approaching"
Light young man" Handkerchief? White
one by Jove, perhaps it's reprieve Z"
A Livery stable keeper named Spur, would
not to drive fast. One day a young man called
TO get turnout TO attend funeral. Certain
ly," said Spur, but" added he, forgetting the
solem purpose for which the young man required
the horse. don't drive fast Why just look
ahere, old fellow" said the somewhat excited
young man Il want You to understand that I
shall keep up with the procession if it kills the
horse"
For several weeks the Springfield LeoCsr kept
the following conspicuously at the head OF its To-
cal colum:
Boy wanted at this office" ....a
A few days since the editors wife presented
him with a boy which in highly significant
way, shows the value of advertising.
An epigram, by Tom Moore, on vain politi-
clan, suggests kind of speculation which might
be made very profitable in these days:
1.-THE best speculation the market holds forth
To any enlightened lover of pelf.
Is TO buy-up NJ the price hs is worth.
And sell them at that he puts on HIMSELF
A fellow, on being asked to write testimonial
for patent clothes wrnger produced the follow
ing" bought your clothes wringer, and am
immensely pleased with it. | bought jag of
wood which proved to be green and unfit to
barn. l run the whole through your clothes
wringer, and have used the wood for Endling
ever since
Mrs. Ii, young mother, was exhibiting
with considerable pride to number of admiriRg
friends her first baby. Finally ap. coaching lit
tie Dam boy of five years, the happy parent
said, Dan. isn't that dear little baby?' Dan
besitated moment, turned his eyes and an
sWered, Yes but, its bald headed"
Some one calls the time of squeezing girls
hands the palmy season Of life