Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-03-13
aJnnlorons.

autumn. 4merican Agricultm'ist.
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aJnnlQrolls.
Az appropriate book for hotel tables-a
come an-tarry.
WEr is the letter U the gayest in the alpha
bet? Because it is always in fun.
wurx is iron the most ironieal? When it's
trailing.
WoNry often kiss each other when they had
rather bite of each others noses.
wur is Troy weight dishonest2 Because it
has no seruples.
WHEN is a flea like locomotive? /? When It
goes over the sleeper.
WHY is ambition like weather-coek Be
cause it is a vain and glittering thing to
aspire.
WHAr is the relation of the door mat to
the scraper Why the step-farther, Of
course.
Why is a thief in garrett like an honest
man? Because he is above doing wnCng
action.
How we're Adam and Eve prevented from
gambling? Their pair o dice was taken away
from them.
LITTLE girls believe in the man in the
moon. I,;g GIRLS believe In the man in tho
honeymoon.
TaE love that has naught but beauty to
keep it in good condition is short lived, and
subject to shivering fits.
WHEN does a man take wiper to his bo-
som? When he puts handkerehiefin in his
breast pocket.
A LADY has invented and patenteda ''Nur-
sery Waghstand. " 1t is suggested that a
'patent spanker' should be attached to it.
"TEIL the truth and shame the devil"
know lots OF people who can shame the devi
easy euuf, but the t'other thing bothers 'em.
BEAUTIES have often died oldmaids. They
set such value on themselves that they don
find purchaser before the market is closed
\ MAN who won't take paper because ht
can borrow one, has invented a machine Will
which he can cook his dinner by the smok,
of his neighbor's chimney.
NEVER break your neck to bow at all tc
/ 'sweet sixteen who is ashamed Of her olc
fashioned mother, or to a strutting collegiate
who is Mortified at his graudmother's bat
grammar.
Il KNOW I am perfect bear in my man
ners." said young farmer to his sweetheart
mo, indeed, John, said the young lady
"you have never hugged me yet. You are
more sheep than bear"
Now that "tildng hoops are going out o
fashion, let one thing be said in their favor
the wearers were never liable to arrest foi
'.having 10 visible means Of support. "
Isy'T it very affecting to behold at wed
ding the orrowstrieken air of a parent as h'
gives the bride away, when you know tina
for the last ten years he has been trying Il
get her of his hands.
MRs. JoyEs, farmers wife in Connect
cut, says, Il bleye I've got the tenderes
hearted boys in the world. I can't tell on
of EN- to fetch pail of water but what he'l
burst out cryin'''
A YOUNG lady went out with rather tim
id beaux sleighing, one evening, complacent
! ly remarking to him that she seldom went
sleighing but she got chaps on her lips Tn
young man took the hint, and chapped.
OYE OF the New York papers, meaning t
illustrate the slippery condition of the side
walks of that city, said that people had t
walk 'hipity hop, lest they should 60 Fir
ity-aop," which is accurate if not very el,
giant.
DRYDEN was so bound up in his books thl
his wife one day exclaimed, Il wish were
book that might always be in your society.
81 wish you were an almanac, so ] couI
change you every year," he ungallantly r.
piled.
Az Irishman short time in this countr.
was eating gboiled greer corn. After eating c
all the corn, he passed the cob back to the Lao
who sat at the head Of the table saying:-
''Wouid you please be so kind as to put son
more beans on the sthick.i
A CoSXgcrIcurpa paper is responsible for thi
\ gentleman who came from New York in
] train full Of Democratic delegates, Weduesdi
morning, remarked, when the conductor too
his ticket that he thought his ticket was frs
class. The conductor told him he was righ
when be reioined, "WelI, either l am in