Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-06-05
- 2. |.. 1t. e g, :.
Wf@C ana Cyfl,eA.wfSc. =

ciFe fof Il man to- preserve his hair
to remain bachelor
Miss Tommy Tompkins says that
every unmarried lady OF forty, mas
passed the Cape of Good Hope. ~ y
LaSx.is like 4 .sieye; you can secI
through it hui you must be considers
ably reduced before you get through
it.
A little boy returning from Sab
bath School said to his mother, ''ain't
theye "a kffty-chism for little boys2
this cdtechism Is too lard9' -
Mrs. Jenkins complained that the
turkey she had eaten i'm the evening
lid nostss well, Ifo ts Z, LII, sal q
Al little boy who was praised for
never taking his eyes off the preach
er, answered, with all simplicity, ~
wanted tossec how near he was to the
end.o ssss~ ht8A
An editor who was married to
Miss Church, says that he has enjoy
ed more 9latpiless since joining tina
Cftfchs THAI The ever did inEHB life
before.
TELEGRAPHIc MUDDLE.-''If dro-
ver's pass is good, get another. Home
to-nigfrt,p was rendered, cdr. Over
hashels good. Mother Teddy, home
tight"
Said n conscientious auctioncer:
''Ladies. apl. gentlemen, there is no
sham about the carpets; they are
genuine tapestry carpets-I bought
them of old Tapestry myself"
Sunrise and sunset are announcedi
byik nnornirig aud leyeHing gun az
Davenport. This Is NECESSARY 81 that
the inhabitants will know when it Is
sunrise. Joke on the gun, isn'tit?
The ladies are all ordering Celedon
dresses and coral Jewelry. Celedon
is dull sea green--a mixture of pea
green and orange-something like
the tintyof a.browns Kittens eye in a
coal cellar. ~ ~ 49,
IF you want to keep poor, buy two
glasses of ale every day at five cents
each, amounting in one, year to $685.
So smoke three cigars, tonelAafter
each meal, counting upin the course
of the year to $95.45; and keep big
dog.
ssANKgpUs MorHER-vt.t Charley, how
do You like your new governess Pr
(Six-year old)-"O, like her first
rate, and / think pa does too; for
whenever you are out, he is always
kissing her, and he tells her that her
lips are sweet as honey" -,
Baptist Brother-I don't like your
church government. 1t isn't simple
enough, There's too much machine
ry about it. sstHh
Methodist Brother-It is true we
have more machinery than. YOU but
then, you see, 1t don't take near so
much waterto run II. Z re- a. ~
AaIVisconsin paper relates that
marriage recently took place in which
both the parties were above so years
Of age. They became engaged at
their first lneetngs apdR were to be
married that day week; bit not be-
ing able to wait so long, they hasten
ed the happy occasion by four days.
There lis a young man attending
school III Albion, Mich, whose heart
Is on his right side. He has been ex-
amined by several of the most noted
physicians, in New York and Wash
ington, who all agree that sucli Is the
case. This is the second case of the
kind on record.
House rents, are so exorbitantein
New Orleans that sgrasping land
lord" advertises t. let "a splendid
hogshead,n Just vacated by the for
mer occupant, who leaves it for no
fault. The premises are u sweet To-
cality for family of children are
in thorough repair s win Ibunghole
centrally situated, and hoops in good
orrdsfs INN! HsIi NsIll,iI
The Boston Post says: "a pretty |
young creature of seventeen, and
curls, Slipped down on. School Street,
recently, hctsf hotel, and seven men
jumped to restore her to q normal
perpendj9llaf.s Azpkn IalyI for |
ty-seven becan3e brostlatett ana was |
permitted to help herself UP in her
own way and timer Such Is the
Tommy. my son, fetch in stick
of wood
"Ah, my dear mother" responded
the youth, 'the grammatical portion
of yoar .education has been sadly
Neglected; you should have said:
FThomas, nay son, n transport. from
that collection Of eombus-
IDLE material upon the Threshold of
this. edifice, one of the curtailed ex.
crescenees of defunctlog. gGsl
BoUND TO BE PuRGED.-A son of
the Emerald Isle, being i'm quest of
news, etc, walked into Wheeler's
book store one day Last. week. Be-
tween the gentleman from Ireland
and one of the clerks the following
dialogue took place II ST0Ts ErfB II z
= Ratrick Have yese yistherday''s
or this days Chicago Times, Mis-
Clerk-Np,ls sir. all out.
Patrick-Well, then, have ycse any
ssaltsffzs frakegqr Gazette az
(which of these roads leads to the
village of H Pr asked a traveller
!, Of ? ragged urchin sitting by the
roadAle. II FtlAglliill g4gfH 1
D"Aiiy or EN- sir,'' 'answered the
aMhschss the,bestag boA
Amt nary one of 'em the best.''
(which is the shortest ?n
Amt indifference II
,ssf Which would be the best one for
me to takeg g3g.
You may take any of .'em. and
afore you get there you'll wish you'd
a took t'other oneai'a1
EVERY One AS lie CHEws. am
intended wedding IN providence,
just as the ceremonies wereto begin.
the bride suddenly called upon the
groom to ALLURE tobacco on pain of
Nrfeithrepf welded bliss, &c., Which
.hefefuseA II do rthen andthere TAX
ing fresh quid from his tobacco-box
to show his independence. Where
upon the young lady took out dain-
~ box, took chew'' amid the APT
platse of the. guests, and ordered the
clergyman to go ahead This " as
tco much for the groom, who fled the
scene, leaving the girl triumphant
with piece of licorice In her mouth.
t9Prof s., of Dickinson College. is
not much given to joking. occasion
ally, however, this vein of his dispo-
sition Is excited, and then his hits
are OF tile hardest kind, and double
edged. One morning, not long ago,
he found a. horse in the recitation ,
room. The class had collected. and
Avfeef solemn couatenances awaited 4 !
the entrance of the professor. He3 !
came i'll, looked around deliberately.
first upon the horse. then upon the
class, aud remarked, at the same time
twitching his shirt-collar "Ahem!
loH have got a classmate, Isee. I'm