The Shasta courier., 1868-06-27
Marriage by the Rule of Three.

Yesterday morning James O'Shaug ghnessey
was arraigned before the Police Magistrate.
charged with beating his wife Catherine
The prisoner in the dock was the very per-
sonifcation of what our Imagination had al
ways pictured an Irish schoomaster. He
was a small-sized, tnin-featured, sunken-
eyed, nervous person, Of forty years. His
teeth were prominent, his nose broad and
fiat; his hair of a color between red and
sandstone his arms were long. slender, and
terminated in bony hands, with fingers like
a skeletons, aad in length like what the old
song declares Uncle Ned's to have been,
I" cane in the brake" To crown the whole,
his face beamed with benevolence and meek
ness, tinged with sorrow, giving him the ap-
pearance of a much-abused man. One could
not help feeling deep interest in him, as he
sat in the prisoners dock, apparently with
out friend, and the members of the press
garg felt satisfied that in his trial there
would be good item. The greater portion
of the business of the day was finished when
the case of James O'Shaughnessy was reach
ed. The Clerk called out, flames o.
Shaughnessy, come into Court"
James slowly rose from his seat, and re-
piled: Eh, God. I'm already in Court,
notens Uolens, as the classics express it, or in
the language of the immortal bard d-Shak-
speare-' Will |, mill L. | have been here
all the morning, and its sorry am to find
myself here ~
s. James O'Shaughnessey, you are charged
with having committed an assault and bat
terry upon the person of your wife Catherine;
are you guilty or not guilty? ?' asked the
Clerk, while the spectators smiled at James's
answer.
The prisoner slowly raised his ewes toward
the ceiling. and breathing out slight whis.
tie, exclaimed, in voice apparently drowned
in tears, "Oh, that should ever live to see
the likes of that! God save your Honor
from all harum but | am much-abused
and desaved man, widout friend at all, at
all, my faith in mathematics DESTROYED, nv
belief in women torn to atoms, my hopes
blasted and scattered to the four winds of the
Heavens, and my body wasting away in a
prison cell. Oh, musha tu raj die !"
:" What have you to say to the charge
against you p asked the Clerk, little petu-
lantly.
"That I am a much abused person, yer
Honor. Ye see, Sir, that for twenty years l
was a school teacher-larnin the young GIN
tlemen their alphabet. their spellin, writin,
lamb, taking my bit of a spree on Saturday
night, layin in bed wild a rousn headache on
Sunday, and coming out as fresh as dasv
on Monday morning. One day-bad luck to
it-I was teaching class of young rapscal.
lions the mysteries of the rule OF three, when
an idea entered my head. and remained there
most obstinately, that if by getting married
you obtained wife that doubled your Joys
and divided your sorrows, the result could
not be other than happiness if you work it
by the rule of three, it is plain mathemati-
cal fact. The result was foreshadowed so
plainly that | got me a wife, for you see
figures can't lie. But, by my sowl l worked
the sum by the rule of three when there were
only two of US, and there's where the mis-
take comes in. The joy of the marriage be-
came jawey the moment the priest pronounc-
ed US man and wife and to get little peace
| ran away from the ould womanland came to
California. She followed me and kept heap
ing-the trouble upon me, and refusing to
bear her. share You see that, notwithstand-
ing that mathematics proved that matrimony
was bound to result in happiness, experience
taught me that mathematics cannot be relied
on In matrimonial matters. Finding that
domestic felicity was not to be obtained at
home, l used to spend my evenings at Mickey
Doolan's where there are some nice lads,
tellin stories and drinking punch every night.
Were We ever at Mr.. Doolan's, Judge ?"
i" "What is all this rigmarole about? The
Court cares nothing for such stuff it only
wants to know whether you are guilty or
not"
'Aisy, Joodge; aisy, now. I'm coming
to that pretty soon. Well, Sir, going home
last night, the ould woman began giving me
the tongue lashing. She was in tie tan
trems, and her tongue flashed like lightning.
and words drop from it like drops of raj
from clouds when she is in that condition.
After had heard enough, l tould her to go
to bed and rest her tongue, and she positively
refused; so just put her to bed.''
g Yer Honor, he knocked me down, and
did not know anything for some hours" de-
clared the prisoners wife.
:" Is that true, O'Shaughnessy," asked his
Honor
No, sir, yer Honor; only put her to
bed. and as she would not go to sleep, l gave
her narcotic with my fisht. which set her to
sleep Immediately, and she lay quiet for more
than an hour"
"Then you did strike her r?''
Yes, yer Honor; but | can prove by
mathematics that | did not hurt her. for, ye
see, the force of blow delivered at an
angle''-
:. Never mind your explanation you must
appear for sentence"
- But / can show you that the angle"-
Call the next case," exclaimed the
Judge, as the Bailif hustled the prisoner
bellows. F. Call.