Nebraska advertiser., 1868-11-26
THE HoP-scOTCH CLUB.
BY JOHN QUILL.

"But Mr.. Wilkins, just listen"
81 say that you shan t join any such
organization as long as you are wife
of mine. It's perfectly ridiculous for
lot of women like you and old Mrs.
Smith to go round anu try to get up a
| Hop-ScOteh Club. Who ever heard of
a female playing such game as that9
1t amt decent, tell you, It's good
enough game for a One-legged man,
and if you choose to have leg sawed
off you can dance round as much as
you've a mind to, but you shan't dc
it till you are a cripple, if you shall,
Pm a Dutchman."
wilkins, you know I-p
"a pretty looking spectacle you'll
make of yourself standing OF one Of
those fourteen inch feet"
"Wilkins, I'll break" "
standing on one of those, kicking
around after a clam-shell, Ond putting
that thing you call your toe on the
line and getting out, and have to go
back to pitch for your place. Whose
going to pay for the odd boots you
scuf out, I'd like to know? / want
you to understand / amt. / am not
going to go round every week buying
shoes to cover those feet, and creating
panic in the leather market. Not if
know myself / ain 't.''
''lf you would only let me explain,
Mr.. Wilkins-n
"YOu can't hop anyhow. You
couldn't stand on one leg to save your
life. and even if you could do il, do
you suppose l would want my wife to
90 waltzing round through this hem
isphere like turkey with sore toe!
Hop? Why, you can hop no more
than a cameleOpard can turn a back
summersaUlt; no, you can't. You
might Just as well attempt to split
log of wood with aslice OF watermelon,
as for YOU to endeavor to hop. Ifyou're
so mighty fond of hopping, I'll get a
homer and have yoss isrssr'srSSS' 0HP 10 a.
oIIi5. .vish to gracious 1t could be
dOne.n
"Ain't you ashamed to talk in that"
1.-THE next thing l expect you will
want to be sauntering round in this
land of the free and the brave, playing
match games, and having your name
published in the newspapers as the
great HOp-ScOtch-wOman, and bring
disgrace on your family. But it shan't
be done with my consent. If you go
Tipping around at any of these games.
hang me if l don't get the first police
man can find to grab you as a mani
&C, and put you in a straight-jacket,
if L can buy one big enough to fityOu.n
"Mr. Wilkins, you behave like a
perfect"
"And you are Just the very kind of
woman to go to work and try to be
at the head of the profession, and lay
yourself out to win the champions
belt, and to go round challenging 9TH
er faeble-minded women, and SPREAD
ing yourself on matches. Why, it's
ridiculous. I'd like OknOW what YOU
would do with the belt, if you got it,
anyhow! No belt. you know, is gO-
| ing 10 reach around that waist. ~
"Why, Mr.. Wilkins, what on earth
| do you mean? III"
"YOu might as well try to buckle
skate strap around a church steeple;
| yes you might. You going to try for
the champions belt! Well, that is
amusing. And then suppose, if you
win the stakes you'll come home here
and spend all the money On spring
bOnnets, and teach your neglected
children vanity and pride. But ~
"Wilks, you're silly"
'But I just want you to bear in
mind that put up cash for you won't
do. won't deal out my stamps for
stakes. In my opinion you had better
/ be at home cooking steaks for your
| family. When you die I'll drive a
stake iptO your cold and silent grave
to hold you down. That's"
you shan't talk in that scandalOus
way"
'fThat's all the stake you will get
out of me, unless you carry on your
tOmfOolery so long that ! should be
obliged to drive stake in the back
yard, and tie you to it buy your hop
ping leg, like some old hen, to keep
you from wandering Off And that is
Just what it's coming to in my Opin-
| ion"
"YOu know very well that never
thought of such a-i
"And [ don't want you to go prac-
tising out here in the street with the
boys in the afternoons, either-iust
recollect that, will you? If you must
Hop-Scotch, go down in the cellar,
our of decent society, and you can
| HOp-ScOtch, or Irish, or High Dutch,
or any other way you want to, but
keep Oat OF the street; l don't want
this community to see an old pullet
like you"
''Wilkins, I'll scratch-"s
Like you bouncing over the pave
ment among parcel of boys, creating
a first-class earthquake every time
you hop, and very likely getting the
city authorities down on me for loosen
ing the bricks and breaking the cuI-
verts in and you'd good deal better
stamp around somewhere where they
want the cObble-stones rammed, only
you'd very likely drive them halfway
through the China every time you
come down on those number mines. 4"
IF you'd only give me a chance,
Mr.. Wilkins, I'd-n
II don't want to give you chance,
or you would hop. off with all the de-
cency in the family-u
Il tell you that 1 never had any
idea of joining Hop"
"What?'
Scotch Club; 1 never thought of
such thing in all my born days"
The mischief you didn't? Then
what do you mean by having the Con-
stitution and Bylaws for the George
Washington Hop-ScOtch Club in your
bureau drawer, say ?''
"Breekinridge Augustus put them
there.n
Well, why in the name of common
sense did Won not saw sr hoforo and