davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
Drunkenness In Cong rcss.

George Alfred Townsend writes on
the subject as follows: A day in
the Senate or the House, impcrfectly
ventilated as they are, is poison. Ev-
cry day somebody faints in the vitiat-
cd air of the Impeachment Court
Room, some spectators to whom part
Of days Imprisonment there is over
powering. Now, the Senators must
stay there eight months out of the year.
With headache, with fevers, out OF
temper, bullyragged by lobbyists be-
fore and after the session, many of
them seek relief in social company at
night where the champagne bottle is
the first principle Of hospitality. A
large number of these men were SOL
diers in the open air, the bivouac, the
the march in the rain, the fever hospi-
tai. There by medical regulation
whisky and quinine were given out
every day. Nature over-marched or
over-worn, cried out for draught of
artificial life And some of these are
barely convalescent now, when re-
warded with some share of the public
work. Thaddeus Stevens, for in
stance, is kept alive bystimulants. But,
that any considerable number of Con-
gressmcn are what is called familiarity
'topers,' nobody believes who lives in
Washington, unless he be q confirmed
scandal-monger, incapable Of belief in
human integrity. There are four or
five men here whom whisky has got
possession of. 1t slew the right spirit
of McDougall. 1t is master of some
Others nearly as noble. These excep-
tions being true to its self-respect and
the peoples. The trite old word Of
'liar' banded to and fro, is obsolete
here. The open fight in Congress is
also q remote recollection. The 'Hole
in the Wall is gone, and but two
drinking houses exist in the neighbor-
hood of the Capitol grounds. l SUBJ
NIT that the constituents of Congress
men may hold too precise opinions
upon the private lives Of their Repre-
sentatives. No oath of absolute alb
stinenoe is demanded here as ,qalifca-
tion of either house.. When the SEN
ate and the, House are kept as pure as
the best domestic fireside, then is Mil
lenium come !"
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
OF THE LINCOLN
MONUMENT.

WASHINGTON, April, l5.-Tho
dedication of the Iincoln monument
took place this afternoon, in front of
the City Hail. The monument of a
Tuscan pillar, thirty-fye feet high
surmounted by a colossal statue of
Lincoln, all Of white marble. 1t is
the work of Lot Flannery, of this city
and was procured by voluntary contri-
buttons of citizens Of Washington, cost
ing $1,000. Thousand of spectators
were present, including Masonic, Sons
of Temperance and other civil organ
izations. On the stand among others
was the President, Major Generals
Hancock and Emory, and other mill
tary and also naval officers connected
with the Executive Departments of
the Government members of Con-
gress, and large representation of
foreign countries, viz The Minis
ters from England, Prussia, Italy,
Greece the Charge d'Affaires from
denmark, and the cQnsui-General OF
Switzerland, together with their at
taches, and gentlemen connected with
other legations. General Grant and
Major General Howard were near but
not on the stand. During the pro-
ceedings there were alternate rain and
sunshine. After prayer and the play
ing ofdirges by the bands, Mayor B. B.
French delivered an address on the
life and services of Abraham Lincoln
at the conclusion of which the band
played "Ran DIES Vaches," and Col.
f. "a Olmstead recited a poem, when
the President was conducted to the
front of the platform, and there pull
ing at the halyards, unveiled the
statue. Shout after shout was given
by the dense assembly, the band mean
time playing an air, while the "Star
Spangled Banner" was waved on the
platform. After the introduction of
the artist, and pronouncing of the
benediction the ceremonies conclu-
ded.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
MY WIFh'S PIANO.

The deed is accomplished. NJ,
wife got piano, and now farewell the
tranquil mind. 1t came on g dray
Six men carried it into the parlor, and
granted awiully. 1t weighs ton
shines like a mirror, and has carved
Cupids climbing up its limbs. And
such limbs-whew! My wife has
commenced to practice, and the first
time she touched the machine
thought we were in the midst ofa
thunder storm and the Lightning had
struck the crockery chest. Cat, Will
tail erect, took a bee line fora particu-
lar friend upon the back fence. demoI-
i,h.ng a SIX shilling pane OF glass
The baby awoke, ans, the httle fellow
tried his best to beat the instrument
but he couldn't do it. 1t beat him.
A teacher has been introduced into
the house. He says he is the last Of
Napoleon's grand army. He wears a
huge moustache, looks at me fcrcely,
smells of garlic, and goes by the name
Of Count Runaway-never-come-ba back
again. He played an extract de opera
the other night He ran his fingers
through his hair twice, then grinned
then cooked up his eyes at the ceiling
like monkey hunting fees, and then
came down one of his fingers, and |
heard a delightful sound similar to
that produced by a cock-roach dane
ing upon tenor string of a fiddle.
Down came another finger, and
was reminded of the wind whistline
through knot-hole in a hen coop.
He touched his thumb, and l thought
that | was in an orchard listening to
the distant braying of a jackass. Now
he run his fingers along the keys, and
thought of a boy rafting a sticl;
upon store box or picket fence
All ola sudden he stopped, and |
thought something had happened
Then came down both fists, and, o,
Lord such noise was never heard
before. l thought a hurricane had
struck the house and the walls were
caving in. l imagined l was in the
cellar, and a ton of coal was falling
about my head. 1 thought the ma.
chine had bursted when the Internal
noise stopped, and l heard my wife
calculate; Exquisite !" "What the
deuce is the matter ?" I inquired
"Why, my dear, that is La Somnam-
bula." "D-Somnambula p thought
l, and the Count rolled up his sheet Of
paper. He calls it music but for the
life of me cannot make it look like
anything else than a rail fence with a
lot ofjuvenile niggers climbing over.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
Proverbs by Joshua Killings.

Don't swap With your relations UNI.
lessyou kan afford to give them the big
end of the trade. .t.., -, :
Mary yung, and if circumstances re-
quire it, often.
Kultivate modesty, but mind and
keep good stock Of impudence on
hand. . r... .. ~.
Be charitable-one cent pieces were
made on purpose. Don't take any
body's advice but your own. 1t costs
more to borrow than it does to bi. o
Ef a man hatters yu, yu can kalker-
late that he ez arogue or yu're a fule
Keep both, ize open, but don't see
more than hqf you notis. ...
Ifyu ich for faim, 60 intu graive-
yard and scratch yerself against tune
stoan. ......, .,.. -,
Yung man, bee moar axious about
the peddegree yu're going to leeve,
than you air about the 1 sumbody's
going to leeve, ye. ~
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
INITIATING A CANDIDATE INTO THE
GOOD TEMPLtRS.

The method of initiating candidate
into a Lodge of Good Templars is but
a slight Improvement upon the same
programme so long in vogue among
the ancient and honorable fraternity Of
the "Sons of Malta" A "chap" who
was taken from lager beer saloon,
where he got eight" without knowing
that lager beer would intoxicate, was
put through course of cold water
treatment by the Good Templars a
few evenings since. lie peaches on
the Templars, and gives the follow
ing expose of their initiation cere-
nlony, for which, no doubt, he will be
put through another course Of cold
water Sprouts" at the next meeting of
the Lodge. In the first place, the
victim for initiation is blindfolded,
bound hand and foot, and thrown into
a cider press and pressed for. five min
utes. This is done for the purpose
of clearing his system of cold drunks."
He is then taken ont of the cider press,
and by means of a force pump gorged
with, cistern water, after which a seal
ing plaster is put over his mouth and
he is rolled in barrel four or five
times across the room, the choir at the
same time singing the cold water
song.
lie is now taken out of the barrel
and hung up by the heels till the
water runs out of his ears. He is
then cut down, and beautiful young
lady hands him a glass Of cistern
water. A cold water bath is then
furnished him, and after this he is
showered with cistern water. lie is
then made to read the Water Works
Act ten times, drinking a glass Of
cistern water between each reading.
After which. the old oaken bucket is
hung round his neck, and fifteen sis
ters with squirt guns deluge him with
cold water. He is then forced to eat
a peck of snow, while the brothers
stick his ears full of icicles. He is
then run through clothes wringer,
after which he is handed a glass of
cistern water by young lady. He is
again gorged with cistern water his
boots filled with the same, aud he is
laid away in a refrigerator The ini-
tiation is now almost concluded.
After remaining in the refrigerator for
the space Of half an hour, he is taken
out and given glass of cistern water,
run through clothes-wringer, and
becomes Good Templar.-Syracusc
Courier and Union.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
PENNA. RESERVE ASSOCIATION.

The second annual meeting OF this
association will be held at Pittsburg,
on the Both OF May, on which occasion
a full attendance of all the surviving
members of the sold Corps" who can
make it convenient to attend, is ear
nestly desired. All who intend to
participate will please notify Major
John c. Harvey, Recording Secretary
of the Association, Office Of Pittsburg
and Connelsville railroad company,
Pittsburg, Pa, before the 10Th Of May.
The committee Of arrangements, ap-
pointed at the last celebration, will
select the place of meeting in Pitts
burg. A handsome badge, to be worn
by the members, will be presented for
adoption. Let every man who can
come be there, to spend few hours in
social intercourse with his old comrades
in arms. 1t is expecteda eulogy will
be delivered on the late Major Gen.
George A. M'Call.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
= --'
IMPEACHMENT TRIAL.
Thc Testimony In the Presidents De-
fence CIosed-A Week Required 90 Elm
ish the Arsumcnise en- beth sides."'

WAsuISoroN, April 19.-Should
the Presidents counsel offer no evil
dence tomorrow, the Managers will
put in some rebutting testimony, con-
summing a day in doing so Governor
Boutwell, viii begin the summing up
on Tuesday. lie has prepared his
speech, which will require about five
hours TO deliver. ., ~.
Stanbery and Evarts will make the
arrangements for the defence. Mama
ger Williams thinks it will take all
next week to finish the arguments on
both sides. After this The Senate
may corsime several days in delibers-
ton upon the verdict. !
Senators Doolittle and Buckalew
were with the President last night
discussing the situation of affairs.
None of the Presidents counsel have
called on him since the adjournment
Of the Senate yesterday, and he cannot
account for their abandoning the, case
so abruptly. lie thinks they sRoulA
have insisted upon offering all the
evidence they had, as it is we'll known
that the summoned numerous witnesses
who were not called, among them
some newspaper correspondents who
held interviews with his Excelency,
and who have been impatieptly sxr
pecting to distinguish themselves il
an encounter with Butler 81. -.
The Presidents friends, tonight, al
most without exception, give up l,his
case as hopeless, candidly say he will
be voted a through ticket to Tennessee
before the lst of May. On the. 2Otk
the Managers Of impeachment on the
part of the House closed their case and
the CONSUL for the President did the
same. The Court then adjourned till
Wednesday when Mr.. Boutwell, will
present his argument.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
ORIGIN OF CANARD.

A Frenchman once sent to a news
paper a statement of an experiment
which he had lately made, proving
the wonderful voracity of ducks. He
had a flock, he said, of twenty of these
fowls. One day he killed one of
them, and cutting it into very small
pieces, fed it, feathers and all, to the
other nineteen, who ate it all up in a
few minutes. He then killed another,
and cutting it into small pieces, fed it
to the other eighteen, and it was quick
" devoured. He killed another, and
still another, which he fed to the six
teen and SO continued until there was
but one duck left, which duck had, Of
course, eaten the other nineteen. Can
ard being the French word for duck,
any exaggerated story was subsequent
ly called "canard," or q "duck
story" as in this country we speak Of
a "iish story" or "snake story"
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29

stakes again, when the stranger laid
down card and checked him.
The gambler uttered sharp cry and
sat motionless with his eyes fixed on
the card worn and faded "ace ot
hearts," with dark stain across the
face. Sturdivants face worked con-
vulsively as he gazed at it, and the
spectators gathered more closely around
the two, wondering at the strange
scene.
"Look at me-" said the stranger
quietly.
As if powerless to resist, sturdivani
raised his eyes to the speaker.
The stranger had raised his hat and
sat looking at the trembling man with
eyes which fairly blazed with fury
Sturdivant uttered a groan and sank
back in his chair with his face white
and rigid. The stranger with one
sweep gathered the money from the
table and thrust it in his BOSOM.
"The ace of hearts is an unlucky
card for you, Daniel Sturdivant," he
said cody.
"You played il once when YOU
thought it to your advantage. Now
God help you for that play is now re-
turned"
As he spoke he raised pistol
which we had not seen, and before we
coul d stop, him, aimed it deliberately
at the trembling man and fired. The
gambler fell heavily upon the table a
corpse; and the bright blood streamed
over it, hiding the fatal card from
sight.
"Gentleman," said the stranger, ris-
ing to his feet as we stood paralyzed
with horror, at the dreadful scene
"that man ruined my wife and tried to
murder me. | have been hunting him
ten years."
He walked slowly by us down the
stairway to the lower deck. Just then
as the steamer touched at landing he
sprang ashore and vanished in the
dark woods.
| never learned the history of the
mysterious affair, for the dead gambler
was beyond human questioning; and |
never saw the stranger again; but |
shall not soon forget the impression
made upon me at the time.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
AMENDArORr BAyKRUPJ ACT.

The Amendatory Bankrupt Bill,
passed by the House on the 81, is in
three sections. The first section ex-
tends the time mentioned in the second
clause, thirty-third section of the orr
ginal act, to the first of next Decem-
Der. The second section makes mum.
erous verbal changes, and corrections
in the existing law as suggested BY the.
justices of the Supreme Court. The
third section provides for allowing.
registers in bankruptcy to administer.
oaths, and gives Commissioners the
right to take proof of debts. Tie
agreement ofthc Senate with the first
section extending the time may be
regarded as doubtful, and in general
many leading Senators are disinclined
to act upon the measures at all this
session.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
moral and the intellectual elements of
manhood

moral ana the lntelleetlal clemens OF
manhood.
OF course, every man must deter
mine for himself the manner and re-
lative distribution of his income. But
a few things may be set down for
young men to ponder.
There are great many things that a
young man cannot afford.
He cannot afford to be good animal
and a poor man; to have strong bones
and a weak conscience; to feed his
children's mouths and starve~.heir
souls; to grumble at school bills while
settling large grog bills; to chew to-
bacco, but refuse a good newspaper
to put fine hat on foolish head to
hoard money, but lay up no ideas to
own a horse that knows more than its
rider.
No man living can afford to be dis
sipated, or self-indulgent, or ignorant.
Nobody can afford to be a fool. 1t
will not pay.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29

In the event Of the suspension Of
Andrew johnson from the office Of
President, we should have three Presi-
dents in one year from this date-frst,
Andrew johnson, second, Benjamin
F. Wade, and third whoever is elected
in November. This has happened but
once before in our history, when we
had three in one month-Van Buren,,
on the 4th of March; VIM. H. Harri-
son, successor for one month, and John
TYLER, who succeeded Harrison.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
West Virginia.

The Republicans Of West Virginia
will hold a State Convention in Clarks-
burg on Thursday, the 28th day Of
Maynext, at ten o'clock, A. NJ, for the
purpose of nominatinga State ticket
and choosing electors for President and
Vice President of the United States !;
choose candidates for Congress and for
the vacant State Senatorships,. .separa-
ting into appropriate Congressional and
Senatorial District Conventions for
that purpose. .-. ...
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
goftru.
MRS. JUDGE JENKINS.

THEoSLY oEHUINEsEoUELT TO "aAuD MULLER
Maud Muller all that summer day
Raked the meadow sweet with hay;
Yet looking down the distant lane
She hoped the Judge would come asain;
But when he came with smiles and bow,
Maud only blushed and stanlHIered "Ha-ow9"
And spoke of her "pa,p and wondered whether
He'd give consent they should wed together.
Old Muller burst in tears, and then
Begged that the Judge would lend him "ten;"
For trade was dull and wages low,
And the "craps" this year somewhat slow.
And ere the languid summer died,
Sweet Maud became the Judges bride.
But on the day that they We're mated
Maud's brother Bob, was intoxicated.
And Maud's relations twelve In all.
Were very drunk at the Judges hall
And when the summer come again
The young bride bore him bahies twain
And the Judge was blest-but thought 1t strange
That bearing children made such change;
For Maud grew broad, and red, and stout,
And the waist that his arm once casped about
Was more than he now could span and he
sighed as he pondercd ruefully.
How that which in Maud was native grace,
In Mrs. Jenkins was out of place.
And thought OF the twins, and wished that they
Looked less like the man who raked the hay,
On Muller,s farm, and dreamed with pain
OF the day he wandered down the lane;
And looking down that dreamy track
He half regretted that he came baclI
, For had he waited, he might have wed
Some maiden fair and thoroughbred.
For there be women fair rs she
Whose verbs and nouns do more agree.
Alas for maiden alas for Judge
For the sentimental-thats one half "fudge."
For Maud soon thought the Judge bore
With all his learning and all his lore;
And the Judge would have bartered Maud's fair
face
For more refinement and social grace,
II, of all words Of tongue and pen,
The saddest are at might have BEEN"
More sad are those we daily see,
ut is, but hadn't ought 10 be-"
~ Y Sun.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29

THE somewhat famous ~. B. S."
of the World, is predicting the acquit-
tai of the President, chiefly because too
many republican Senators prefer him
to Wade. From no source, however,
is the prediction fortified. The fact
that cold heads" like Weed have al
ready begun to parcel the offices, or
attampt to do so, j. proof enough that
they think it is all up with the Presi-
dent, and they are not often mistaken.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29

The editor of the Biddeford (Maine)
Democrat intimates that the English
executors who have Artemus Wards
property in charge seem disposed to
keep it. The mother Of the deceased
humorist has not been able to get q
single word in answer to her numer-
GUS letters, from those who obtained
possession of the money and chattels Of
her son after his death.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29

DISPATCHES from the Abyssinisn
Expedition state that Gen, Napier had
reached latitude 81, and that King
Theodore with about FIVE thousand
men and twenty-six large guns W. q
Magdala, waiting to receive him.
News Of the conflict may therefore b
expected at any time. g.. sa-5s
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
STATES SOT REPRESENTED IN CON
GRESS.

If Colorado should be admitted
into the Union previous to the cleo
tion, the aggregate number Of electors
will be increased to 800,
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
EEECTORS.

The following table, showing the
number Of Presidential Electors to
which each State is entitled, will be
useful for reference:
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-29
Terms Of Publication.

THE WAYSEsBURd REPUBLICAN, Office In
ssyers building east OF the Court House, Is pub
iished every Wednesday morning, at Sc per
annum, IN ADVANCE, or 81 30 II not paid with
IN the year. Ansubseription accounts MUST
Desettied annually. No paper will he sent
out OF the state unless paid for IN ADVANCE, and
sii such subscriptions will invariably he discon.
they are paid.
Communications on subjects of local or general
interest are respectfully solicited. To ensure
attention tavors OF this Kind must invariably be
accompanied by the name of the author, not for
publication, but as guaranty against imposition
All letters pertaining to business of the Office
must be addressed 10 the Editor
The Irish republic. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-25

hands, looked, as the light which iumned the scene fell
upon his face like tiger his prey and the expression
deadly hate and iron resolution which marked every Inca
of his face and shota baef light from his eyes, would
have tended make antagonist feel mighty uncomfortable
The welcome light which had enabled me to make these
observations had given him opportunity of recognizing
and at once releasing me- AS from my recumben
POSTURE and shook myself after the rough handling had
got prayed heartily as Oliver Cromwell did upon another
OCCASION Heaven save me from the devil and that mans
grasp"
Surveying me leis,lrely while I composed my ruled
plumage after minute he said,
"What in thunder made you come this way?
"And why the deuce did you give such mauling?
You ought have recognized sooner" replied in not
the most conciliating of tones
"Well now if an honest man enters house like thief
he has right to complain if he gets treated as None
but enemies expected quarter hence the mistake
but of course the moment recognized you let 60"
Explanations on one side and apologies the other fol-
lowed and we soon the way forget unpleasant
collision
"Well I don't think" said L "that sort of thing will
agree very we'll with any of the enemy should they happen
to inrude trust I'll get such another rough hand
ling"
He smiled grimly at the somewhat doubtful compliment
and leading the way in another minute l among my
friends to their surprise the quarter from which
But when narrated how efficiently the guard" at that
particular part prepared do his duty amidst the
laughter of the entire body he directed to return his
post and take care" of stragglers.
Contrary my expectations that night of considerable
Importance to our people, but what happened there must
form the subject of another chapter.