Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-10-28
THE DANDY.

After natur hal flushed the fust man
and the fllst woman. she had little mate
rial left at the bottom of her cups, and not
willing to waste anything, she MKT the
two remnants together, more for frolic
than ennything else. Just 10 see what the
compound would prodncc.
Throwing the mixture onto the dieing
Goals, in a few minutes half bak"d, coni
kal creatures lay smirking and mincing
before her.
This il The way that the fust dandy wuz
made. and with d bouquet in one hand and
looking glass IN The ether. Dame Nature
tarned him loose into the world to root.
/ The consirukshun of this creature of
remnants IL Peculiar
A dissection of a dandy, in fhe thirteenth
century, revealed the fakt that his heart
reSenbIed a pin cushion having no cells,
/ the Interior of it b. ing filled with cotton
/ batting aud Sawdust, and stuck awl over
! the ~ side with roSrtts and dead butter
/ I'll :, wih pins through them.
lliz head was divided into innumprabIe
! li'tie stalls. in zach ov which wuz deposited,
IN solution, a very small quantity of brains,
which ackrted Independent of each other
One stall wuz devoted TO kid gloves as
SCIENCE, another to tight boots, and
third TO cologne water.
A II his thunghrs and affrckshuus are di.
vlded between The fit of biz clothes aud
admraShnu ov them.
Ills ideas never grasp ennything strong
er than Phalon's la,r srnsashun in perlnm
cry; his whole emotional natnr fluids lis
nouri>hmrnt and counterpart in plate of
the last Paris fashion, hung up at tailor's
window.
The genuine dandy-one who knows
biz buSinrss-nevtr fall in love with envy
thing but a looking glass; hiz stronges
pashnn II adncrcshun, ha kant teach tn
dignity of love.
To love required both hrarns and soul;
and dandy in love would b. az whimsi-
k"l sight as a butterfly kneeling at the
feet ov Il tulip
Your real dandy IL long lived bird:
hiz FASHIONS are weak, but regular, and, !
Ike a watch, the works and case wear out
together.
He grows old like boquet, ana is b,i>k
and IN humor 10 the last.
DAnGys have no courage, their pashanS |
are mixture ov weak and delkate thing; |
they kant insult nor be lnSnlted; they are
rabbits among men, An | among women |
not bold enutf tew be feared, not useless
cnutf rew be di>piz d.
There IL not Que sit Gle trait in their
characters, that | kan think OF now, highly
commcbdiblr; the are selfish (anf have a !
right t" be- brkause they haint got emmy
thing TO spare; their ambi>hnn haz no more
glorV in ii than scent bag
Rrverrnce impiys faith, and dandy
haz no failh, bur III the case othis hair
dresser, or taylor; mrekne>s lnplys nope.
in them IL nothing but emascuiated lmpu-
deuce.
But while theze useless creatures lack
the vlrtr~s ov life, they are srldum, oI
never gity ov envy first class vices, they
90 through life Needless ov awl that u
ve,y good, or very bad, and when th,.l
git rrddy TO die, it il ov AZ little impor-
Iance ttw the world AS the loss Of cos
mrtlc receipt, or clever twist in yaleI
neck tie.
Your genuine dandy seldom unltes; he
courts { humn.ing bird duz among the
flowers, for honey, not IA wife, aud thinks
that his attacks are awl conqucsts, but 40
sensible woman wou d marry him emmy
quicker than she would knowingly take
counterfeit money in change,
The world will never be rid ov the dan
dy, there is so many pincu>Eions hearts,
and heads hot made tor brains. there is 20
much vanity that it is amply pleased with
dogs head "n Il bamboo cane, there il so |
much kindness 10 looking glasses, there IL |
80 much fragrance IN being a pin feather
king, for an evening among silly hearts |
that Young dandyS will keep beng born,
and old daniys will frisk in spite of their
@out, or ennybody's phllosophJ.-Josh
BttL'"gs,