Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-12-18

Inleves usually DO business 'On
their own hook.
1t in less pain to learn in youth
|. than be ignorant in age.
Life 10 conundrum which the
sharpost wit has to give up.
The rich think that people with
naught are necessarily naughty.
Watches are often stolen. Every
watch should be upon its guard.
Money is cheap. Our professional
vocalists know that it goes for song.
We like black eye; we like blue
one. We do not like black and
blue one.
Every peacock Is well convinced
that the eyes of all the world are up
on his tail.
fla soldier stands six feet in his
boots, how much will lie stand in his
canteen?
1t 10 true of many persons that
their memory is nothing but hooks
TO hang up gruuaes CD.
Why il a married ~. like a can
die? Because he SOME % goes out
at night when he ought not 10.
Solomon advises the sluggard to go
to the ant; but the shiftless i'm our
day generally go to their 'uncle."
Why isa Uaby like wheat Be
cause ii is first graded. then thrashed,
and finally becomes the flower of the
family.
Death bed repentance has been de-
fined as burning out the candle of
life i'm the service of the devil and
4 blowing the snuff i'm the face of
| Heaven.
Wanted--The man who has not
been manned" for seat i'm the new
Cabinet Grant is fond of curiosities,
and would like to see him.-Spring-
yield Republican.
westward, ho!" exclaims a west
ern exchange. We should say fell
low might as well hoe eastward as
westward, since he has got to dig for
living wherever he may be.
"Do you seek consolation for your
sorrows i'm drink? asked pious old
lady of an Incorporate fellow, who
was something of wag. "Ies, in a
horn" was the laconic and witty re-
ply.
I'm afraid you have a settled mel
sncholy," said landlady TO cadav-
erous ledger. mo, madam" he re-
piled, my melancholy won't settle;
like your coffee, it has too much
grounds"
A young lady having bought pair
of shoes a number too small, sent
them to second hand store to have
them sold whereupon the tutonic
shop-keeper advertised them in his
window as follows: For sale-a
tight lady's shoes"
An eastern manufacturer Of ladies'
stays, put sign over his door "all
kinds of ladies stay here
This reminds It's OF the sign "fami-
lies supplied" where bachelor step
ped i'm and said he would take u wife
and two children.
An exchange in speaking of the
magical strains of IA hand organ says {:
"When he played old Dorg Tray
we noticed eleven purps sitting in
front of the machine on their haur. CHI
es brushing the tears from their eyes
with their fore paws.
A buggy being returned to Cleve-
land livery sable with parasol in it,
the keeper sent the article to the res.
idenee OF the person who hired the
rig" The lady said it was not hers,
but she would retain it and ask her
IN nj ha
4 Sunday school teacher asked a
little girl who was the first man.
She answered that she didn't know.
The question was then put to an
Irish girl, who answered, adam,
SIR" with apparent satisfaction.
La" said the first child, "you
needn't feel SO grand about 1.-THE
wasn't al Irishman!"
The following rather tough story is
told by Troy paper: THE other
morning gentleman found i'm trap
he had set. O complete rat skin and
nothing more. The snap had caught
the animal by the nose, and i'm strug.
gle to escape he walked entirely out
of his skin. Attached to the skin
were portions of the bones of the
head, and hind feet, and the whole
tail. Leading from the trap to q hole
near by were tracks OF blood"
The New Orleans papers tell of a
man who died few days since, hav-
ing been raving maniac for many
years. Ten years ago he WAS tried,
convicted and sentenced to be hanged
for the murder of a beautiful fiowel
girl. On the day appointed for h is
execution he becane maniac, and
after proper investigation, he was re-
stored to the care of his friends. AS
death finally approached him he be-
gan to rave fearfully, and in his dy-
ing moments gave minute particulars
of the murder he had committed ten
years before.
A democratic African was, the 9TH
er day, arranged in New Orleans
police court for larceny. The Judge,
AZ of right, was dignified, but with
severe presence. Are you guilty o.
not? he inquired. "Golly, boss,
'elar never done it.". This man
says you did.n "He amt nothin'
but white trash" land what are
your" me! Why, don't you know
me? I rid wild you in de procession.
helped to tote you home when YOU
got tired dat night-don't yer mem
Der now?" There was sudden
mol. pros. in that darkey's case that
judicial annals afford an example of.
SO much for the advantage OF good
society.
Archie and Tom spanked the same
girl. One night Archie called on her
and found her alone. After some
conversation he burst out with:
Miss Mollie, do you think YOU
could leave this comfortable home,
kind father and mother, loving
brothers and sisters, aud go to the far
West with II young man who has lit
tie TO live on save his profession ?"
Miss Mollie laid her hand gently
on Arches shoulder, with her eyes
about half closed, her ruby iips
slightly apart, and said softly:
Yes, Archie, think / could"
WELL" said Archie, my friend
Tom is going West, and wants To
marry. will mention it to him."
Harry Campbell, who had been but
o short time married, one day went
ont with his young wife, OF whom he
was very proud this is apt to he the
case with young fellows when they are
first married. ON shopping ex pedi-
tion. He seemed TO take great delight
in paying her little bills, (women's
bills are ALWAYS Hlittle hills - far tho