Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1868-02-20
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MARX rwAx's ruLocY or rHE FAIR SEX

MARA IWANs EULOGY OF THE FAIR SEN.
The Washington's correspondents Club
he'd its anniversary on Saturday night.
Mr.. Clemens. better known as Marx Twain
responded to the toast "Woman, the
pride Of the professions and the jewel of
ours" lie said
Mr. President: / do not know why
should have been singled out to receive
the greatest distinction of the evening
for 80 the office OF replying to tie toast TO
woman has been regarded in every age.
{ Applause | do'not know why | have re-
eeiyed this distinction, unless it be that |
am trihe less homcly than the other
members of the Club, But, be this as it
may, Mr. President, J am proud of the
position, and YOU could not have chosen
any one who would have accepted it more
gladly, or laborcd with heartier good
will TO do the subject justice, than |.
Because, sir, love the sex Laughter, ]
lore all the women, sir, irrespcctahle
Of age or color
Human intelligence cannot estimate
what we owe to woman, sir. She sews on
our buttons. laughter She mcnds our
clothes laugncr, she ropes us in at the
church f4ils-she contdes in Us, she tells
u> whatever She can find ont about the
little private, affairs of the ueighbors-sh
gives Us good advice, and plenty OF it,
she gives Us piece Of her mind, some
times all of it-she sootas our aching
brows-shc bears our children. In all re-
lations Of life, sir, it is but just and a
grateful tribute to woman to say OF her
that she is brick
Great laughter.
Nhersoevcr you place woman, sir,-in
whatsoever position or estate-she is an
ornament to that place she occupies, aAd a
treasure TO the world. Here Mr.. Twain
paused, looked inquiringly at his hearers
and remarked that the applause should
come in at this point /. came iii, Mr.
Twain resumed his eulogy Look at
Cleopatra look at Desdcmona look at
Florence Sightengale' look at joan Of
Arc, look at Lucretia Borgia Disap-
probation expressed Well Said Nj.
Twain, scratching his head doubtfully,
suppose we let Lucretia slide. Look AZ
JONtt IIbulil 4bOh Ut 4lblliti iINts III
peat, sir, look at the illustrious names Of
history Look at the Widow Maclirec !
Look at Lucy Stone Look at Elizabeth
Cady Stanton Look at George Francis
Train Great laughter. And, sir, ] say
with bowed head deepest veneration, look
at the mother Washington She raised
a boy that could not He-could not lie.
Applause But he never had any chance
II might have been different ii he had
belonged to newspaper correspondents
club. Laughter, groans, Kisses, cries OF
put him out Mark looked around
placidly upon his excited faudience, and
resumed
repeat, sir, that in whatsoever position
You place woman she is an ornament to
society and treasure to the world. As a
sweatheaft, she has few equals and no su-
periors- laughter : -as a cousin she is
convenient; as a wealthy grandmother,
with an incurabie distemper, she is prec-
ious; as wet nurse she has no equal
among men Laughter.
What, sir, would the people of thiseart
be, without women They would be
scarce, SIR. Then let us cherish her-let
us protect hel..et MS give her our support,
our encouragement, our sympathy
selves if we get chance. Laughterl
But, jesting aside Mr.. President,
women is lovely. gracious, kind of heart,
worthy of all respect, OF al!
esteem, of all Difference. Not any here
will refuse to drink her health right cor
daily, for each and every one of US has
personally known, and loved, and honored,
the very best one Of them all his own
mothor.-lApplause.
s3 a joke was lately perpetrated by a
member Of junior class, which we deem
worthy of record. During the recitation
in DE Corna' the Professor took occasion
to make explanations upon the passage In
which Demosthenes charged Aeschines
with covering him by a mixture of his
own base deeds and evil lips, and brought
the illustration OF a finished feast, with
the contents of half-emptied glasses, brok-
en- meats. and other remains collected into
mass. In response TO his question as to
what this should be called, to the infinite
iisgust Of all patrons of clubs and board
ing houses, came the reply: They call
i hash in Ann Arbor, Professor The (
,ouse came down and the rendering was
adopted Unirersity Chronicle, (iHn Ar-