Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-02-26
Odds and Ends.

/ wiz ntuOsOu Hff. sHN
What nation produces mariase' Why.
Fascination. ,... .... ,..,,. y.
How sweet to recline 10 'he lspse Of sges
say about eighteen. a- .. ...- i1 y'-
A WASTE Of raw material-two young ID.
dies kissing each other. tr a
WHEN was Noah in America When hs
was on the Ark.and-saw.. .,. g.,,.at.
Why are young ladies' given to blushins :
Because it is becoming rcd. ''a.,g .. , ..r
"YoU arc quite welcome IS tho empty
pocket said to the greenback. i'r ,i'la n
Why is your nose in the middle Of your
face? Because it is the scentre. ~.
An exchange calls Anna Dickinson Mis-
Jaw, and Grant, General Lockjaw.
GENERALLY Observed Tllting skirts, Va.
ter-falls, and other peoples business.
Why cannot cook eat her own apron?
Because it goes against her stomach.
Mrs. Partington says, one is obliged 10
walk very circumscrumptiously these slip.
perry times. rs. d, rtiis :w 1s'.l
WuAr's the difference between I boot
black and Freedman's Bureau Agenti-
Ono blacks the boots, the other boots the
blacks. '''''''... ~. tl I'D. -f' 10.
An Irish absentee is said to have sent this
comforting message to bis steward !: Tell the
tenants that no threats to shoot you. will
terrify me-" '' p
TIE man who wrote Rally round the Flag
has gone into the flag stone business. In.
stead Of rallying around the flag he Aags
around the alley. ...i-....,.. ...........'...-
An Irishman being asked in court for his
certificate Of marriage, showed big scar on
his head about the shape Of q shovel, which
was satisfactory. ...,a..L s
WHAT nose is more brilliant than toper's
nose? Why. VOLCANOES, to be sure. Pat
remarks that the chief glow Of each comes
from the crater. 1850. i i'-.oH5.. i.,4
AN apothecary asserted in large com.
Ipany "that all bitter things we're hot"
NO." replied physician, "a bitter cold
day is on exception" i''
WHAT is the difference between editors
anil matrimonial experience In the former
the devil cries for copy" In the latter the
copy cries like the devil" .'
The passing years drink . portion Of th
light from our eyes, and leave their traces
on our cheeks, as birds, that drink at lakes,
leave their footprints on the margin"
The most effec,in instance of the power
OF music, is that presented by the troubs.
.lour mentioned in the song. He sang so
sweetly that he actually touched his gui.
tar" ...-t.... ..... -...
A YOUNG man BY the name of johnson
has been arrested in Pittsburgh for perpe.
truting new dodge" He fastened bris-
ties on the tail Of . rat and sold him for .
squirrel. ,,r.r. .s. -.t'. Ia.
A RURAL philosopher AYERS that subject
ing all children to the same system of instruc-
lion is like boiling large and small potatoes
in one pot for like number of minutes.
Some Of them get done and some don't. ;
In ancient days the preccpt vas Know
nv SELF" In modern times it has been
Implanted by the far moro fashionable
maxim, Know thy neighbor, and every.
thing about him." -'
TENDER HEAnrED.-Mrs. Jones farm.
er's wife in Connecticut says: II believe
I've got the tenderest hearted boys in tho
world. I can't tell one Of them to fetch .
pail Of water but he'll burst out cryin'."
DOMESTIC DRAMA.-Mother in the cellar
.plitting ooI-Daughtcr in the parlor sing
ing to Clarance Fitz Noodle the plaintiff air
''Who will care for mother now" ... ....
To obtain q fat ofice-become . soap
boiler. ....-. .,..,,.t.. ',....
An awkward man attempting to carve .
goose, dropped it on the floor. .. t.r
There now |" exclaimed his vito we've
lost our dinner. i.- ,.-.s..t. ..
20 no, my dear!'' answered he, Its
safe; I've got my foot upon it !" ... ...
An Irishman short time in this country.
was eating boiled green corn. After eating
of all the corn, he passed the cob back 10
the lady who sat at the heod Of the table
saying: would you please be 50 kind as to
put some more beans on the sthick."
A LADY having accidentally broken .
smelling bottle, her husband, who was very
petulant, said to her: II declair, my dear,
every thing that belongs to you are more or
less broken" True" replied the the lady,
for even you are little cracked" .
my SON." said an affectionate mothsr to
her son-who resided at short distance
and expected to be married very soon -"you
are getting very thin" "Yes, mother" he
replied, when | como again you will be
able to see my rib" f...
"DoEs pa kissyo because he loves you9"
inquired snobby nosed urchin Of his ina.
ternal ancestor, the other day. ITO bc sure,
sonny, whyp' "Well, I think he loves the
cook too, for he kissed her more than forty
,;c,o. loet C,,nIeu ,vhav, x,o,, vse 0one In