Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1868-09-11
The Josh Billings Papers.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS.

| HOholAONb AMI ANb
QUEsTIoN.-Did you ever see an old
horse, holler-eyed and bony, limp legged
and purblind, kivvered with gold-piated
harniss and waited upon by spruce pos
tillion and liveryed coachmanS
Answer.-Yes hav, and hav seen old
age put on pomposity, hobble in brocade
command reverence, exult with pride and
grin with pain, and hav sed tew myself
"poor old hoss."
Qu.-Did you ever hear phools, and
| even wise men, say that life waz short
that deth waz certain, that happiness wa2
| skase?-
Ans.-I hav herd these remarks quite
often, but never herd a bizzy man find
emmy fault with the length of life, nor a pure
one regret that deth was sure thing, mol
vartuous one komplain about the high
price of happiness.
QUIZ thare emmy vacancy at present
for man in polite Strikes, who didn't hav
rich daddy, or who hadn't bored suck.
cessfully for lie himself9
Ans.--lf we hear ov emmy such opening
we will TELEGRAPH yu at once, but jist now,
the way things are run, man with seedy
garments on would even git kicked out NV
tust klass meeting house, and be put un-
der 10 thousand dollar bonds tew keep the
peace. Our advice tew poor but vir-
tewoos individual would be teW take hiZ
virtew under hiz arm, keep shady, and let
the polite Strikes alone.
Qu.-Kan a young man without emmy
mustash git situation in Nu York sitty?
Ans.-Yes, but it would probably be in
a station house. Young men without any
mustash are looked upon with suspicion,
and yu will find, if yu put them under
oath, that they either haint got ennything
but common sense, or they are too stingy
to buy bottle ov "Bollvards oil of se-
duktion," warranted tew fetch hair or tare
oph the lip.
Qu.-Kan you tell me the best way that
haz yet been invented to bring up boy
Ans-Give me 10 dollars and will tell
yu. But here is recepee that l give
away: Bring up yure boy in fear of the
rod and gin mill.
Qu.--Is there emmy kure for natral lazi-
ness, where 1t is a part ov mans consti-
tushun and bye lawsS
Ans-Only one kure, that is, milk COW
on the run, and subsist on the milk.
Qu.-How fast duz sound travelP
Ans.-This depends good deal on the
natur ov the noize yu are talking about
The sound of dinner horn, for instance,
travels half mile in a second, while an
invitashun tew git up in the morning hay
known to be 3 quarters ov an hour going
two pair of stairs, and then not hay
strength enutf left tew be heard.
Qu.-Kan yu tell me who was the author
OF the saying, "Give beggar hoss, and
he will ride to the devil ?"
Ans.-I don't feel equal to the task, but
will say one thing in favor oV the prov
erb, l think It good risk tew take if WI
think the devil would send back the hoss.
Qu.-What is yure private opinyun of
human happiness as a Fertilizers
Ans-l hav got dredful mean private
opinyun ov human happiness, but an that |
kan say for il " that it resembles new
penny hove in among parcel of ragged
yung ones awl of them are Immediately
crazy for the cent but only one ov them
gifts it.
Qu.-What kind ov books would WI ad-
wise yung man like me tew read, who
am very anxious tew be full Ov wisdumY
Ans,-Dont read but one good book at
a time, and az soon as yu git thru with
that keep reading it over agin He who
reads everything IL like he who drinks
he gifts az full az soder foun-
tain, with just about az mutch whizz In him,
Il IL better tew be good deal like sum.
boldly than tew be little like nobody.
Qu.-How long kan goose stan on one
leggS
Ans-Try it and see, that's the way the
goose found out