The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1868-05-07
\ Gbopter Of Gumor.
twHttea Tor the Philadelphia Sunday Tran.erlp,
THE KUK-KLUK-KLAN.
ny JOHN QUILL.

4 heNu WOti iNt aumt AltHts nc uOciOF
said that had complicated case Of
cataplasm Of the epiglottis, caused by
suliusion Of blood upon the ante.
rior lobe Of the cerebellum, or words
to that effect. But | don't believe
he knows.
I've taken great many remedies
Every time saw a certificate in the
papers Of man who had been cured
of bad leg Of eighteen years stand
ing lawful long while for a log to
stand), or Of fellow who was snatch
cd from an untimsly grave by some
old pill or other, l went around aud
gorged myself with the stuff that
helped him. l have tried all the
patent medicine between here and
Kansas, from pain killer TO hair re
storer, aud here | am cautering around
the country a mere wreck.
Ny wife says that il is the result
Of my reckless use of medicine but
don't consider that she knows.
The way | happened to leave home
was this. l saw the following para.
graph in paper. and l thought I'D
try it on:
"Step out into the purest air you
can find F; stand perfectly erect, with
the head up and the shoulders back,
and then fixing the lips as though
you were going to whistle, draw the
air, not through the nostrils. but
through the lips into the lungs
When the chest is about half full
gradually raise the arms, keeping
them extended with the palms of the
hands down, as you suck in tho air
so as TO bring them over the head
just as the lungs are quite full. Then
drop the thumb inward, aud after
gently forcing the arms back ward, aud
the chest open, reverse the process by
which you draw your breath, till the
lungs are empty. This process should
be repeated three or four times i'm.
mediately after bathing, and also
several times through the day"
went out into my back yard to
practice, and after following the in
structions for while, Mrs. Quill
happened to come to the window and
sec me. She then observed
"You Quill, what in the name of
common. sense are you doing 2"
"Never you mind know what
I'm doing"
"Youd better come in the house,
and stop making such a fool Of your
self"
"Go to, woman" said I, "what do
you know about science ?"
SeleuSe - III cha usc;once 2
you old idiot, why you don't know
any more about science than tea pot
does about immortality. Como in
here, or I'll go out and drag you in
by what little fuzz you've got left ou
that blockhoad."
My wife possesses a lovely Chris.
tian character, but she always means
what she says; so l gave up the OK.
pertinent and went in, but not until
the man next door threw a muEzle
over the fence at me, to intimate that
! was mad.
When | got 10 I found that a crowd
Of boys had been watching me through
the crack in the fence. aud one OF
them had fetched a policeman to take
me to the insane asylum. | am a
small man, and this made the scoun.
drel so valiant, that | was forced to
fly out through the alley gate to aviod
him. l took the next train for the
sunny South.
When got to the hotel in Rich.
mond, Virginia, l went TO bed right
off about midnight there was a knock
at the door.
"Who's there ?" said I.
at is the X. V. Grand Inquisitor
of the X. X. X"
"Well, what does the alphabetical
cuss want, fussing around here at
this time of night, say p
"He desires to enter the portal"
"Well, ho X. X. X. can't; SO dry
up, will you ?" said 1, for / was mad.
"UDbar the entrance, or we will
break it down"
"Oh, dare say. Hadn't you bet.
ter so aud get howitzer l guess
you think you're cutting a swell,
don't your Well, you amt"
Ia a half a minute the door was
kicked down, and in came a dozen
men masked. They dragged me out
Of bed and sat mo in chair.
"We are tho 18th verse Of 18th
chapter of Kuk Kluk. .Klan. We
came to investigate you, What's
your name p
my name is Norval, on the Gramp
"None of that now" said one fel.
low, drawing revolver; "no fooling;
tell us what's your name.
"Softly, thou rude disturber of my
sweet reposc, put UP that pistol /;
many fellows been hurt by playing
with those things"
"What's your name, I say p
"Quill-John Quill see the first
book on botany-jonquil, a sweet
scented flower which blows all the
year round. l am called after it be.
cause am sweet scented aud | blow
all the year round"
"We are sent here by the Grand
Cyclops of the Kuk. Klux- Klan 10
murder you because you are traitor,
What have you to say 2"
"Gentlenen," said /, "what will
you haye2 Let us fill tho flowing
bowl until it doth run over, while we
drown our grief ana sadness. aud 10
dulge 10 mirth and gladness. -
"Sir T.r.ri you triao with as. Do
yOV, krow what We, the Kuk Klux
ara21