The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1868-08-08
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NpvpR WASTE YOUR TIME.-Waste Somebody
Else's.
CRUEb sATrRR.-Lord Derby has charged
Lord Carnarvon with having recommended "a
dash" upon Msgdala.
What Lord Carnarvon says he recommended
was, ga diplomatic mission"
The idea of Lord Stanley's father confound-
ing "dash" with diplomacy" !"
VERY ALARMIYG.-The Waterford Mail says
the intense heat in that part of Ireland has
created quite frenzy among the cattle, who
are rushing about the country, half mad, IN
all directions. An excited mob OF British
Bulls is bad enough; but think of a stampede
of frantic Irish Bulls Perhaps they are all
moving towards Rome, to be canonized into
Papal Bulls. Nothing more crazy can well be
imagined.
L1TERARY.-The literary article in the Pail
Mall Gazette on ''The Pleasures of Mapping"
has been enormously attributed to the Head
Master Of Eton.
A "DERRY" DOWN DITTY.
Says Hardy, ~ know not, when Calcratt we
Where to look for another to put in his Shoes"
Says Dizzy, "Be easy, the right one to I'LL
such a vacancy, sure is suspenso1y Billp
Says Sir Stafford, ~ wish ere the old man
He would give us just one parting touch of his
art:
I'd spend the last sixpence we had in the till,
Bill /" ''i'''''
COMPANION TO RUFF's GUIDE TO THE TURF.
Sod by all Loio booksellers, and in all Lou
NetghborhoodS.
Roughs' Guide to the Gallows, comprising
the adventures of Dick Turpin, Claude Duval
Tom King, Jack Sheppard, etc. etc. With an
introduction by the author of Paul Clifford.
CHANGE OF RELIGION. During the dog-days
Sir Richard Mayne has become Muzzle-man.
DIFFICULT TO PLEASE.
Landlord (exultingly) - beautiful, pro-
missing weather, Mr.. Cloverdale !"
British Farmer-"Ah, we shan't hev' any
nice mouldy hay for the COWS this year !"
AN ALDERMAN ON THE ANTIQUR.-Mr. Alder
man Lusk, M. p. for Finsbury, has endorsed
the remark of one of his friends, touching the
Elgin Marbles, that those remains of Grecian
sculpture were "big stones and men without
heads, and he did not think much of them"
Probably the worthy Alderman prefers Cog
and Magog.
THE "CRoss' BENCHES IN THE HOUSE OF
LoRDs.-Where the angry Peers sit.
"UNTo THIS LAST. ."-Provinoial Cat the Leeds
Exhibition) .-"I've heeard as the Paint on
some o. these yere 'picters' comes to matter
o. fl pounds sometimes, let alone the mans
time layin' OF it on, yer know | %
The clergy who have a ''vested interest"
PRoTEsrANT THoUeHT.--The Pope's Bull of
Invitation to the Gcumenoial Council was pub
lished to the sound Of silver shawns. Before
the Prelates come, Rome may have heard the
trumpets of Jericho.
A Fellow w-FEELING.-Poor Man Ito swell
emerging from Club. - "No, indeed, sir.
Can't get any work, sir. Done nothing for
months, sir and you know what that is, sir ~
UNDENIABLE.-some silly people object to
Mr.. Burnand's parodying Messrs. Reade and
Boucioault's Holborn drama. Surely, every
body must admit that Foul Play is Fair
Game.
AN AGREEABLE ESURPRIsE.-Some ofthe news
papers comment with surprise on the
''modesty" of Sir Robert Napier. They seem
to have fancied that the victory of Arrogie
must necessarily have made the hero arrogant.
A WIRE-DRAwN NoTIoN.-A Mr.. Strngfel-
low has been exhibiting a flying machine at
the Crystal Palace. That is, his machine
won't exactly fly, but it will move along a
wire. Really, the inventor ought to be called
Mr.. WirefelOW.
A MATINEE MUsICALE.-A Lark's.
MAXIMs.
By IUan the Intmoraltst
To Intending Elopers.-Don't run away,
when staying will do as well.
With fair words butter some parsons.
Never do anything of which you would be
ashamed, when any one is looking.
Consider your wife as an angel; o recording
angel
Never speak i'll of friend, as one day you
may be seen walking with him.
JAPANESE OUTDoNB.-Juggling extraordinary
in society. Feat as performed in Belgrave
Square. Keeping up ball from eleven P. M.
till five in the morning.
A MAN WHO HAS TURN FOR MUsIC.-Ar
organ grinder.
CAUTIoN.-Ladies who wear long dresses
and dislike their being trampled on, should
wear upon their backs card with the inscrip
tion, "No Followers Allowed /"
A MAN IN ADVANCE OF HIS TME.-One who
has been knocked into the middle of next
week.