Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-06-19

wise and o Their Wise.
Never make money at the expense
of your reputation.
Temper IL so good q thing chat we
should never lose 1t.
u Il asserted That a man with glass
eyes can't real eyes (realize) any
thing.
A secret has bccnasfurarabiy defined
ms "anything made known to every
body in whisper"
The devil owes most ov his ssceess'
few the fackt that no Is always ON
hand. --syosh Bittings.
Jolyr B. Cough declares his inten-
ton to retire from the lecture field mt
tho close Of the present season.
A Connecticut editor gives ON ac-
count Of a man who "blaw out his
brains after bidding his wife good
bye with shot gum"
The World announces that "But-
ler's nose Ia now pointed West. We
don't wonder 1t IL when the World
is located at the East.
At a bachelors dinner, recently,
one crusty old wit gave rs toast:
"MatrimOny--thc maidcn'S prayer
aud the widows might"
An honest faf}11rhwrites to the
chairman of an agf tpral society !:
''Gentlemcn please dt91aic down
on your list of cattle for q bull"
A chap who wac told by a cslpor-
teur to remember Lots wife, said he
had trouble enough with his own,
without remembering other mems
wives. 80
A Frcnchman, wishing to sHy of a
young lady that she was as gentle as
q lamb, thus expressed himself: "She
pc nleocn tnnRc, like the petite mou-
tess.v
A Mississippi paper gives a good
example of what passes Tor good wri-
ting In that State when Ii speaks Of
isU rencyeJl freedman whose f7srrnC
we disrenaefrber.
When men rely upon philosophy
to carry them through life's last
dread ordeal, they but carry n lamp
In their hard which goes out tho
moment 1t grows dark,
Please, sir, give me q penny to keep
me from starving?
Can't stop-in q great hurry-got
to make speech mt the Society for
the relief of the destitute,
An old lady, reading an account Of
a distinguished old lawyer who was
said to be tho father of the New York
bar, exclaimed: "Poor man! he
had q dreadful set of children"
An impertincnt fellow asked a gcn-
tlenlan ut n public gathering why he
and was answered that TO meet some
men he required more CHECK"
A fsshionably- dressed lady, desir-
Gus of purchasing watch, was shown
n very beautiful one, the shopkeeper
remarked that IL went thirty-six
hours! "What, In one day 2" she
asked. er4.
When you pass q door after nine
O'Clock ut night, and see q young
man and young woman, and hear q
smack, you may bet your bottom dol
lar that the young man don't live
there.
The Salt Lake Kidcttc has the fol-
lowing: 81 -
"Correction-Instcad of people all
very Nelsy. I'm a letter from Crystal
Park the other day, read, people all
very busy"
A Caledonia paper, I'm an. obituary
Of a young lady who died lately,
closed by saying:
''6hc had an amiable temper, and
was uncommonly fond Of Ice cream
and other dclicacics."
a wag says that once on Journey
he was pat into sleigh with ad0zen
or more passengers, not one OF whom
he knew, but ON turning a short cor
ncr the sleigh upset. and then, said
he. II found them all out"
A plate of apples was being passed
around to group OF children. There
was q fine red ono on top, which q
little girl took. "How greedy you
are,' said her next neighbour, ITO
take the largest! I mcnt to take
that myself"
A Disguised Virginia politician,
named John Hodgkin, published the
following card III this day sever
my connections with all political Or
ganizations, and shall hereafter en-
dcavor to pay more attention to my
future salvation.
The superintendent Of a Sunday
School recently made his annual re-
port, In which "he recommended
that the adult members should 20 to
wosk srtf DO NIL i'm their power to an
crease The infant class I'm his school
during the coming year"
Sam Slick, or some other Sam, adj
vertised for sale, IN horse whose
only fault was being little too
hcGcey for the owners use." The
unlucky purchaser discovered little
too late that the single 80" he had
overlooked had cost him O cool hum
dred.
One of the Methodist brethren In
Waterbury, CT, was lately giving I'm
a religious meeting the experience of
himself and family, saying, among
other things, that "hia first wife was
q very good woman, but she slckencd
and died In q happy frame Of mind,
and he should be rejoiced IL his pres
ent partner would go just the same
way"
"PoLIaHTNEsS IN PRAYER.-A
few days since we heard q presiding
elder repeat the following paragraph
from q prayer which he had heard
offered by some modern Addisonian
Professor I'VE would not presume
to dictate TO Thee o Lord, with re-
gard to Thy Administration, but we
beg leave respectfully to suggest that
u might DC ,oeiyor Thee to reViM Thy
work. n-EE'
III say, Mr.. Pilot, aln't you going
to start soon ?" said nervous travel
CT on a steamboat lying to during a
fog. ,rc
tAs soon as tho fog clears up re-
Piled the Captain.
We'll it's starlight now overhead
saff Tire man.
That Way
Brovity and punctuality are not the
srifiing virtues too many good people
seem by their speech and procras-
tination to deem them.
Tho Detroit advertiser Is sponsor
Tor the following funny story: About
year ago one Of our business men
visited New York City, and while
there ordered half q dozen cartes de
yIsitcs OF himself, which he distribu-