Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1868-04-29
From the Galaxy for May.
Ny Late Senatorial Secretaryship.

II. 4. w.
From the Galaxy for May.
Ny Late Senatorial Secretaryship.
ny MARK TWAIN.
am not private secretary to Senator
any more, now. | held the berth two months
in security and in great cheerfulness Of spirit,
but my bread began to return from over the
waters, then--that is to say, my works came
back aud revealed themselves | judged it
best to resign The way of it was this. My
employer sent for me one morning toerably
early, and, as soon as | had finished inserting
some conundrums clandestinely into his last
great speech upon finance, | entered the pres
ence. There was something portentous in his
appearance. His cravat was united, his hair
was in state of disorder, and his counte-
nance bore about it the signs of a suppressed
storm. He held a package of letters in his
tense grasp and knew that the dreaded Pa
c6c mail was in. He said
." thought you were worthy Of confidence"
said Yes sir"
He said +" gave you letter from cer-
tain Of my constituents in the State of Neva-
da, asking the establishment of post Office at
Baldwin's Ranch, and told you to answer it,
as ingeniousiy as you could, with arguments
which should pursuade them that there was
no real necessity for an office at that place"
felt easier Oh, if that's all, sir, | did
do that"
Yes you did. [ will read your answer
for your own humiliation"
"'wAsmSGroN, Nov 2l 1857.
''' Mssv,. smith, Jones and other'
+'6ENYLENES. What the mischief 10 you suppose
you want with post Office at Baldwn's Ranchl 1t
would not do you any good. Ifany letter. there
you couldn't read them, you know and, besides such
letters ought to pass through, with money in them
for other localities would not be likely to get through
you must perceive once and that would make trouble
for all. No, don't bother about post office in your
camp have your best interests at heart and feel that
1t would only be an ornamental folly What you want
IL a nice Jail, you knowa nice substantial jail and
free school. These will be lasting benefit to you
These will make you really conented and happy Twill
move in the matter at once Very truly, etc,
''MtRK TWAIN,
"'For james W. Nye, L. S. senator
That is the way you answered that letter,
Those people say they will hang me- if ever
enter that district again; and am perfectly
satisfied they ,sia, too"
I "Wel sir, did not know ! was doing any
harm / only wanted to convince them"
| "Ah. Well you did convince them,
make no manner of doubt Now, here is an
other specimen. | gave you a petition from
certain gentlemen of Nevada, praying that |
would get bill through Congress incorporat-
ing the Methodist Episcopal Church of the
State of Nevada. told you to say, in reply,
that the creation of such law came more
properly within the province of the State Leg
slature and to endeavor to show them that,
in the present feebleness of the religious ele-
ment in that new commonwealth the expedi-
ency of Incorporating the church was ques-
tionable. What did you writer
a. wAsHSeroS, Nov. a. 1867.
:" Rsu. John HaJar aud Others,
"'GgSrLENENs You will have to go to the State Leg
slaure about little speculation Of yoursCongress
don't know anything about religion. But don't you
hurry go up there either because this thing pro
pose TO do out in that country Isn't expedientin
fact it Is simply ridiculous. Your religious people
there feeble In intellect In morality, in piety
in everything pretty much You had better drop this
you can't make 1t work. You can't issue stock
incorporation like thator II you could, il would ony
keep you in trouble all the time The other denouina
tions would abuse it, and bear it, and sell Il short
and break it down They would do with ii just they
would with Of your silver mines out there-they
would try make all the world believe IT wild
cat" You ought not to do any thing that is calculated
to bring saerod thing into disrepuc. You ought To be
ashamed of yourselves--that is what think about ii
You close your petition with the words. And viii
ever pray" think you had betteryou need to do it
every truly etc,
"'MARk TWAIN,
"FOr James ". Nye, L. S. senator
/, THAT luminous epistle finishes me with
the religious element among my constituents
But that my political murder might be made
sure, some evil instinct prompted me to hanS
you this memorial from the grave company
of elders composing the Board of Aldermen
of the city of San Francisco, to try your hanC
upon--a memorial praying that the city,
, right to the water-lots upon the city from
might be established by law of Congress.
told you this was dangerous matter to NOV,
in. told you to write non-committal let
ter to the Aldermen--an ambiguous letter
letter that should avoid, as far as possible
f all real consideration and discussion of the
water-ot question. Ii there is any feelin.
left in you--any shame-surely this letter
YOU wrote in obedience to that order, ought
to evoke it, when its words fall upon YOU'D
ears
"'wAsnlSeroS, Nov. n. 1867
. :" 'TAo Hon. BOARD Of .fdsrmea etc.
"'GENTLEMEN, George Washington, the revere,
= Father Of his Country, is dead His long and brilan
career closed alas forever. e greatly respected
in this section of the country and his untnely deeeas
cast gloom over the whole community. He died oi
the lith day of ofDecenber, l799 lie passed peacefully
away from the scene OF his hOnor AMI his great achieve
ments the lamened hero and the best beloved tina
ever earth hath yielded unto Doath. Al such a time
this, you speak Of wator-lots what lot was hisi
"'what Is fame Pane is an accident Sir Isaac New
ton discovered apple falling to the grounda trivia
discovery, truly, and one which million men had mad,
o before him-but his parents influential and they
tortured that little circumstances into something wonder
fal and 10 the simple world took up the shout and IL
almost the twinklng OF eye, the man was famous
Treasure these thoughts.
"'Poesyi sweet poesy who shall estimate what IN,
world owes TO thee
Mary had little lamb, its fleece was white as snow
Aud everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sur,
to 20.
Jack and Gill went up the hill
To draw pail Of watert
. Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And GIL came tumbling after.
For simplicity, elegance Of dietion, and freedom iron
immoral tendencies regard these two poems in tn
light Of gems They suited TO all grades Of intelli
genee to every sphere Of lfo the field 10 the nurse
ry the guild Especially should Board of Aide.
men be without them.
"' Venerable fossils write again. Nothing Improve
one much friendly correspondence. Write again
and there is anything in this memorial Of yours tha
refers TO snythns in particular. do aot be baekwa
about explaining It, We shall always be happy TO hea
you chIrp. Very truly, ete,,
: "for james W. Nye, U. o. SENATOR