The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1868-06-27
NATURAL HIS7ORY or BIBIES
By tom JONES.

Babies a c of two kinds, male aud
female, and are usually put up in pack
ages of one, though som .times two, in
which case they are called twins, when
nearly OF the same age. They are not
confined to any particular locality. but
are found plontitully distributed over
all parts of the inhabited countries,
Their ages are various aud have wide
range. We have known Them as young
as It's easy to calculate time on watch
dial aud then agaiu we have seen them
where they have acquired the healthy
age of 20, with prospect of advancing
still further to babyhood. Their weight
depends great deal on their hoft; but
as they have twenty-one years to grow
in before it costs them anything, it don't
matter SO much how big they happen to
be when they commence.
Probably babies have more pet names
than any other known article of their
size In the tender years Of life, say
the first two, they are lovingly address
ed by such endcaring names as Old
Beautiful, Sweetness, Him Darling,
Honeycomb, Papa's Hope, Mammals
Joy, Old Blessed, Noble Handsome,
supposed to be contradiction of Old
Handsome, and hundreds Of other ap.
pelations which we never could transS
| late,
For several years, until they can get
old enough to play ont of doors and soil
their faces their lives are one long con-
tiuuous game Of Copenhagen, everybody
laboting under the delusioI that all ba-
bies are good for is to kiss, consequently
to see one is to kiss it. We cannot re-
collect of ever finding ourselves in the
presence of a baby, but what the fond
mother would say to it, "Now be good
little deary and give gentleman nice
sweet kiss" OF course we accepted it,
though kissing amt our forte. We are
naturally modest aud don't care to be
seen kissing anybody, We don't hank
er after it as some Of our friends do. We
are willing to kiss pretty girl occa-
sionally, tor her mothers sake, or even
her own rather than have any trouble,
yet we think if said pretty girl owed us
a kiss, VIC should much prefer to have it
remain on interest than to have it paid
when it became due; VIC never should
present our bill and demand payment
mott we continued perfectly sane. We
understand that there are quite a num-
Der of persons who differ from us in re-
gard to kissing; if so let them kiss, we
cannot stop to argue the point, our sub,
iect treats of babies.
The monotony Of babies lives is va
ried by such little incidents as an attack
OF the measles, mumps, OF Group, and we
would not neglect to speak OF cutting
teeth. A baby that has got through
all these iuiantiie troubles, is considered
worth some soventyfyo dollars more
than one who has them in prospect,
The diseases are, however, easily treat~
ed, and in case Of the measles, all that
is necessary is to have them "break out
well, and to see to it that they dom
"shike in" With the mumps, just let
them "mump" round a day or two, anC
they will come out all right. With the
Group it is necessary to "striSe lie,
generally ',goose lie" and If applied il
season, twill soon lubrcste the throa
without much trouble Cutting teeth
runs longer than either of the diseases
yet by timely Investment of a rubbe
ring and rattle,you getrid of a doctors bill
When we were young, We cut our teeth
on a silver dollar, but as dollars ale nov
made of paper, they won't stand tn
wear and tear Of whole set Of teeth
and It's cheaper in the. end to inycst il
the rubber ring.
Learning to walk and-talk are tw
, achievements about which two mucI
cannot be said. The walking, though
is mere nothing coplrcd to talking
, vet it is more dangerous, and accident
often occur; still they usually acquir
the art with the necessary breaking c
l some crockery or furniture, which the
, frautically clutch at in order to save
+, fall. During the season Of Tracticn
b nothing can drop in the house, or tn
least noise be made, but the mother wi
, drop wha. ever she has in her hand
$ and cry out "Their goes Willie; VIII;
|. has he done now p and rushe5 to th
o scene Of action to find perhaps Row'
! x pot ON the floor, and Willie engaged
> scattering its eontonte about the room
after clearing up the debris, the moth
returns to her work, thanking her sta
J. that it was only a choice yerbeua tn
was ruined, and not Wilic's neck.
D The conversation at the beginning
n a little difficult to understand. Th,
re. abbroviato a great deal, and throw asst
all prououus as perfectly useless. Lis
+ ening to their talk is like attending
Italian Opera; one hears the noise, b
, can't tell what it means. The fiji
a. nnnnam nr llmnnnn - hi,inctlv snnhcl.