The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-07-10
dHrit ats Datttar .

company OF SOOu Thought.
= The way to get good wife-Get
good girl and go to the parson.
- If you would look s,spruce" in
your age, don't spine" In your youth.
- When you hear man say, "Life
is but a dream," tread on his corns and
wake him up. Life is real.
- Advice to people who do not de-
sire a vacant spot in the region OF the
heart.-Avoid void.
- What race of beings do eggs re.
semble that are laid between the
months of April and June May lays.
- When one goes to the Dentist
for 'new set" picking the teeth be-
comes an expensive operation.
- What is the difference between
your house and one of the ancient po-
els? One is home, and the other is
Homer.
- The young man who recently
went on bridal tour with an angel in
muslin has returned with a termagant
in hoops.
ssDo you water your milk ?" ask
ed our iandlady OF her new milkman.
"No Madam we water our &C VS." was
the answer.
-T The young woman who was lost
in thought, after wandering in her own
mind, found herself at last in her lovers
arms.
Why are sunbeams in breezy
weather like persons borrowing mon
ey? Because they are rays in the
wind, (raising the wind.)
- ssWhy does father call mother
honey?o asked a little boy of Ills elder
brother. "Can't tell sce'p it's because
she has large comb in her head"
- Prentice thinks that if a young
lady has thousand acres of valuable
land, tie young men are apt to con-
ciude that they are sufficient grounds
for attachment.
"A grim old Judge, after hearing
fiowery discourse from a pretentious
young barrister, advised him to pluck
out the feathers from the wings of his
imagination and stick them in the tail
Of his judgment.
- That was stoutish women, the
widow of the town-keeper at Auder-
mach, whom his successor in office was
Obliged to marry, as she was too fat to
get out of the building either by door
or window.
- A colored youngster In Troy
received corporal punishment at the
hands of his ancestors, because his kit
ten got his head in the milk pitcher
The boy cut off the head to save the
pitcher, and then broke the pitcher to
get the head out.
- A leader of music in church
where congregational singing was prac-
ticed, selected tune with the wrong
metre to the words
with hyssop purge my soul, o Lord"
He tried 1t twice when some old lady
cried out 81 say, mister, you had bet
ter try some other yarb ~
"A veritable story is told of
bright little girl, who, attending Sunday
school for the first time, was asked,
''who went into the lions den?'' The
child appearing puzzled, the teacher
commenced spelling, to awaken the
now" exclaimed she, sit was Dan
Rice"
- A watchful mother looking for a
missing key, found it in the possession
other son, who was bound ON kite
flying expedition.
,,; "W ny my Syn son 81, what are you doing
"Tie it to my kite string"
"Why, didn't old Ben Fran Slin tie
key to his kite string to catch light
ming ?"
The mother intimated that however
that it might about tightening, he might
expect to catch thunder when his faith
er came home.
- A Physician TN Bridgewater,
Mass, recently called to prescribe for
somewhat illiterate old lady, and as
cod-liver oil, in his opinion, was the
remedy for her complaint, he wrote a
prescription for the apothecary to put
up, with the latin formula, s'Ole. Jec.
ASS" being an abreviation of "Oleum
Jecoria Asselli," or in plain English,
cod liver oil. The medicine was pro-
cured, taken, and in a few weeks the la
dy completely recovered her health
A neighbor paid her visit after her
recovery, and expressed surprise at her
improved condition, inquired the secret
of SO happy a restoration. "Why,"
said the old lady in grateful enthusiasm
sit was that beautiful medicine, the Oil
of Jackass that brought me on my feet
again ~
- A capital example of what is Of
ten termed'taking the starch out, )" hap
pened in country bank i'm New Eng
land. A pompous, well dressed fellow
entered the bank, and addressing the
teller who is something OF a wag, in
quired
SIS the cashier IMP"
mo SIR" was the reply.
"Well, | am dealing in pens, supply
the New England Banks pretty largely
and suppose it is proper to deal with
the cashier"
II suppose it u.s." said the teller.
every we'll, i will wait.
The pen-dealer took chair and sat
composedly for full hour, waiting for
the cashier. By that time he began to
grow uneasy, and sat twisting in his
chair for about twenty minutes, and,
seeing no prospects of change in his
circumstances asked the teller how soon
the cashier would be in.
swell, don't know exactly" said
the waggish teller, "but expect him
In about eight weeks. He has Just
gone to Lake Superior, and told me he
would be back in that time"
Pedler thought he would not wait.
"Oh, you may stay if you wish,"
said the teller blandly. 1--WE have no
objection to your sitting here in the
day time and you can probably, find
some place, in town where they will
be glad to keep you at night. p"
The pom pouS pedler disappeared with