Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1868-10-10

And pray for the end Of winters reign,
For the scent of the primrose crown of spring
Will return to me again.
A ToAsT-At a bachelors dinner,
recently, one crusty old wit gave as
toast, "Matrimony-the maiden's pray
er and the widows might"
If you want to get at the circumfer-
ence of man, examine him among
men ; but if you want to get at his ac-
tual diameter, measure him at his fire.
side.
HoT.-Apropos to the heated term
a gentleman writes: "Last Saturday
my mother-in.law came on a visit. In a
short time it became SO hot | was oblig-
ed to leave home"
SELFIsHNEss.-You talk of the sell
fshness of bachelors why, there is not
a amarried couple in existence who would
not skin their dearest friends to make
shoes for their children.
IT was well-meant but novel com
pliment from parishioner, who declared
to her minister that she did not know
which most to admire-his last Thanks
giving sermon or his wife's new dress.
A HARD HIT.-A churlish old fel-
low refused to pay one of our shoe black
ing urchins his full fee, whereupon the
latter exclaimed, "Go along, old buffer; ;
all the polish you've got is upon your
shoes, and l gave you that
PITIED HER.-There is a clock in
Vermont SO unmusical, that as its stroke
fell upon the ear of dying lady she
said: 80, sister, how l do pity you
who must stay here and listen to that
awful clock"
How LONG "A photographer in
this city was recently visited by a young
woman, who, with sweet simplicity,
asked: "How long does it take to get
aphotograph after you have left your
measure 2"
The DIFFERENCE.-A negro preach
er once observed to his hearers at the
close of his sermon as follows: "My
Obstinacious bredren, l finds it's no
more use to preach to you dan it is for a
grasshopper to wear knee buckles"
A WARNING.-The walls of Paris
are now placarded with posters, bearing
in letters of enormous size, the legend ::
"Don't 60 to the sea-shore without
Amelia" This indispensable compan-
ion is not, as might be supposed, an
agreeable young woman, but species
of shoe adapted to walking on the sand.
SARcAsT1c.-'Bus driver to conduct
er of opposition bus "I've knowed
yer ever since yer was born. l knowed
yer poor mother; she had two on ye
that time. One was a nice boy-t' 9TH
er was half idiot, sort O. brown pa
per boy. The VERY nice little boy died
VERY young, he did,"
TALL PRAYING.-Here is how Elder
Knapp prayed for certain Universalst
preacher, the Rev. S. B. Britton, in
Bridgeport, once upon time:
"Lord, shake the Universalist preach
er over hell Riddle him over the hot
embers! Smite him ! Send an awful
tremor over him Fill his soul with
horror, that he may frighten his follow
ers back from damnation !'
THE widow of General Miramon, who
was executed along with the Archduke
Maximilian, has applied to the King
and queen of Belgium for the perform
ance of Maximilian's wish, that the
Princess Charlotte, his wife, now in.
sane, should support Miramon's family
and educate his children. The request
has been referred to the Emperor of
Austria.
AN old gentleman by the name of
Gould lately married girl scarcely
nineteen years of age. After the we'd
ding the juvenile bridegroom addressed
to his friend DR.. G., the following
couplet, to inform him of the happy
event:
So you see, my dear sir, though eighty year.
old.
A girl of nineteen falls in love with old Could.
To which the doctor replied:
A girl of nineteen may love Could it is true,
But believe me, dear sir, it is gold without U.
AN African gentleman saw over a
grocery door the sign "Sugar-cured
Hams" He entered the place and
asked the price. He solicited and OBJ
tanned permission to smell a shank.
Having done this, he turned abruptly
to leave. "Don't you want any of that
ham ?" "Well, no, boss," was the re-
ply; "der sign reads 'Sugar-cured
Hams!' Dat ar hams sick yet; nv
advice to you is to change de medi-
CINE"