The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1868-12-19
FrOm SundrY Sources,

Ocean lumber-The sea-board.
The Commonest Social Vice-Adyce.
query, is the wheel of time ever tired?
Crate Preparaions-Get ready for win
ter fires.
"A Public Sin ger who DRAWS" Well-The
mosquito,
What is the most dangerous ship to embark
in n?-Autaorship.
Never tell your seCrets in a corn field for it
has thousand ears.
The coats OF the Irish reapers have been
described as "a parcel of holes sewn together,
- How to take the Census of the Children of
neighborhood-Emplo an organ.grinder for live
minutes.
-"What is it that causes the saltness of the
ocean ?" inquired a teacher.
"Ihe COD fish, was the reply.
1t il said that as the twig is bent the tree is
inclined. Some young ladies will grow queerly
if the Grecian Bend prevails long.
One of the papers contains as an advertise
ment-"Lost, large black silk umbrella, be-
longing to gentleman with a curious carved
ivory head"
--"Why don't you ask me how I am p
smiliugly said lady visitor to a four-year-old
girl.
Il don't want to know" was little innocent's
reply.
"A honest dame in the town of -, etanding
beside the corpse of her deceased husband,
bewailng in piteous tones his untimely de-
paIture, observed, "It's pity he's dead, for his
teeth are as good as ever they was"
If you want to abbreviate mans stature
from six feet to four, ask him to lend you
twenty-five dollars. OF course he says he is
short, and shows it by the rest OF the couver-
saton.
We have ever found that blackSmiths are
more or less given to vice. Carpenters, for the
most part, speak plainly, but they will chIsel
when they get a chance. Not unfrequently
they are bores, and often annoy one with their
old saws.
"A young lady in the mountains OF Virginia
once asked a member OF her Sunday.school class
who made him. Upon bis confession of igno.
rance on that subject she tried to shame him by
pointing TO a very small boy who was du fat
on the rudiments, but was rather taken abacI
when he replied, Think he oughter: he don't
look like he's been made more than three weeks
and halnt had time to forget where he come
from"
The United States contains the following
sirgularly named Post Offices MARROW Bones,
SOrrel Horse, III I'll, Toto, Why Not, Alone,
Back bone, Carryall, Fame, Time, Stony Man,
Sal Soda, Wborp, Yankee Jim's Rough, Rough
and Ready, Pipe stem, shickshiuy, Overalls,
sDowshoes, Miracle Run, Simmer, Lookout,
Paint, Last CHARGE, 0gunquit, Memory, Tally
Ho, spuyten Duyvi, Tired Creek, and Our
Town.
-"Aunty," said sentmepta niece to a
bereaved widow, 'now youIe prosperous and
well to do, let us get some pretty tom bstones
for good Uncle Daniel; you know he has none
at his grave"
Aunt Keziah lifted up her hands, and emph9-
sized this touching expression :-"Jsne, il they
want anything of Isnel at the Judgment they
can 6nd him without guide board; / tell you
he'll be there in time"
DESTROYS OF SUIcIDR.-The folio wing extra
ordin airy advertisement appears in French
paper;-"A man much discouraged and who
wishes TO end his lite, is desirous OF meeting
with an English gentleman who Will promise TO
settle 10, 900 irarcs upon his children. He will
then place himself entirely at the disposal of the
gentleman, to fight all bis duels, mount the