Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1868-03-14
A Jealous Wife Cured.

Sam J-is a jolly, rollicking cuss,
with face always expan led by smile,
and heart always warm with affection
ate yearniDg for his pretty little wife.
But Sans jolly, free and easy disposi-
tion places him on the most friendly
terms with all who know him, male and
female, and the gushing warmth of his
heart often displays in the most kindly
demonstrations towards those he es.
teens.
Now Sans wife, although pretty,
and loving him wildly, is not of the
same rollicking disposition as her Lus-
band, and cannot exactly understand
how he can kiss he girls, as he fire.
quently does, and hug them too, and at
the same time maintain that love which
every husband owes his wife. Indeed,
fight off the feeling as she would, the
genius of jealousy took possession of her
soul, and she led Sam, to use his own
words, Gan awful life." This "awful
life' Sam endured as best he could,
hoping soon to convince his wife of the
injustice she did in suspecting him of
infdelity to her.
A few weeks ago, Sans wife, of a
sudden, took a notion to visit some re
latives in Ohio; and after admonishing
her husband to be more circumspect
and prudent, departed on her journey,
to remain absent about one month
Now Sam is decidedly opposed to Sleep
ing alone, being victim of horrible
nightmare, and withal; somewhat afraid
of robbers. So he prevailed upon a
young friend, Charley, to sleep with
him each night. Charley, being an
early riser, was always up and away of a
morning before any one else about the
house arose.
Sam had an old lady living about the
house, aud she was just as full of in
quisitiveness as any other woman, and
had not the most exalted estimate of
Sam married fidelity. But when max
ing up the bed one morning she discov-
cred head-marks upon two pillows in
stead of one, her suspicious took defnite
shape, and she was quite ready to swear
that Sans bed was occupied each light
by woman, as well as himself Indeed
she would have sworn to it,
Well, she writes Sans wife letter,
detailing her convictions, and arranging
for her to come home Immediately, and
to arrive on the midnight train. Then
to slip quietly home, and as quietly to
her husbands room, aud then-she
would be convinced that her suspicious
were not groundless.
The little Programme was carried out
beautifully. The old woman met the
returning wife at the door, and said:
"You are in time-she's here, the
nasty thing-in bed with Sam-in your
bed, too, the impudent hussy."
The wife became furious, but made
no noise just then. Laying aside her
bonnet, shawl, etc., she took a lamp,
walked lightly to the door of her hus-
bands room, listened, heard talking,
began to scream and pound on the door,
and brought Sam out of bed in a jiffy,
and to the door, en- dishabiUe.
The wife gave no answer to his wild
inquiries as to what was the matter and
what had brought her home so unex
pectedly. She screamed out. "Oh,
you villain you scamp! I've caught
you at last You could not deceive me
always. All, that vile woman, I'll kill
her!'
Sam smelt large sized mice. He
appreciated the situation at once, and
played his part in mastery manner.
swell my dear, you have fairly caught
me, and | reckon l might as we'll con
fess and have done with it." Sam said,
and turning to the bed cried out-"Get
up. Mary; it's all up witch us, for my
wife has come, and she now knows all
Let's ask forgiveness, and promise to
sleep together no more"
Then Charley's head darted out from
under the cover, developing an immense
pair of whiskers-for a woman-and he
said :-"Take her away, Sam; 1 can It
get up before her, for have no clothes
on but just my shirt" The jealous
wife turned white, then spotted, then
red. She read it ell, in fact. Sam
shrieked out the loudest, broadest guf-
flaws, and the oldiady, who had followed
the wife up stairs, exclaimed: Did you
ever ?"
Sam and his wife retired to the par
lor, while Charley dressed and soon went
down. Explanations followed, myster-
les were uuraveled, a few tears. some
jolly lip smacking and the curtain
dropped. Sam says his wife will never
be jealous of him again-at least SO she
declares.