Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-12-04

a Chicago paper speaks OF a troI-
ing matineeo' r..
The critics cut up terribly Olive
Logan's new lecture Surf
A mother and son were ground up
In a sugar cane mill, in Kentucky.
Reverdy Johnson is now called the
"great champion American diner
out.n .-.
An attempt to apply the force Of
circumstances as motive power has
proved \ failure. -.
When a man kisses n woman with
silvery voice, can it be regarded rs a
demand for specie payment?
A morose bachelor declares the
strongest bond of marriage is the
principle that misery loves company
An freshman, eating his first green
corn. handed the cob to the waiter,
and asked, "Will yes phase put some
more banes upon me stick y TIT
A surgeon whose wife is a great
scold being asked what he thought
would be the greatest trium ph OF the
surgical art replied: take the jazz out
of a scolding woman.
'.The colored troops fought nobly:"
The Demmes run. ah--ha
And the darkies stay--oh Tho!
II must be now that the kindoms come
And the year of jubilo.
"Sambo, why don't you talk to
your master, and tell him to lay up
treasure in heaven?"
10 10 nf 1uu N I'M
ure dar? He would neber see 'um
agin!' .... . ....
A bachelor, being rallied for his
celibacy, said he had chosen several
wives, but their husbands having
established prior claim to them, he
yielded to the usages of society and
gave them up.
A Maine editor says pumpkin In
that state grew so large that eight
men could stand around il, which
statement was only equalled by that
old hoosier who saw flock of pigeons
fly so low that he could shake stick
ut them. ..- $50.
"That's q fine strain" said one
gentleman to another, abiding to
the tones of a singer at "a concert the
other evening. "Yes," said a coun-
tryman, who sat near; "but if he
strains much more, he will bust"
Last Sunday, as a lady was leaving
Trinity Church, Bridgeport, her hoop
skirt gave way and dropped into the
aisle. She stepped out of it and
passed on as If nothing had hap
pened, and called the next day to re-
claim the article, which was handed
over by the ever polite sexton.
Sam Cox says that when he gets
back to congress he shall defend Gen.
Butler, and especially his military
career, and DO it i'm the words of the
classic poet:
Ben. Butler was a soldier brave,
And n soldier bold was he;
He had for silver spoons and sich
A par-ti-ality."
A little girl Oh hearing her mother
say that she intended to 20 to a ball,
and have her dress trimmed with
bugies, innocently inquired If the
buglcs would blow while she danced.
oh, no." said the mother, your
father will do that when he discovers
have bought them"
A lady being asked for recipe for
whooping cough for little twin pa
tients, copied by mistake something
referring TO the picking OF onions,
which said: "If not to young, skin
them pretty closely; immerse In
scalding water; sprinkle plentifully
with salt, and leave them for week
i'm strong brine"
A shopkeeper purchased Of an Irish
woman q quantity of butter, the
Jumps of which, intended for pounds,
he weighed i'm the balance and found
waning. "Sure it's yer own fault,
if they are light" said Biddy, in re-
ply to the complaints of the buyer;
tits yer own fault, sir, for wasn't 1t
with a pound of your own soap /
bought here that weighed them ?'
l'You must admit, DOCTOR" said a
witty lady to celebrated doctor of
divinity, with whom she was arguing
the question of the equality of the
sexes"-''you must admit that wo.
man was created before man."
"Well, really, madam said the
astonished divine, II must ask you
to prove your case"
"That can be easily done sir
Wasn't Eve the first maid?" (made. }
A teacher in Sunday School once
remarked that lie who buys the truth
makes bargain, and inquired If any
scholar reeollected an instance in
scripture of bad bargain.
II do" replied little boy. "Esau
made a bad bargain when he sold
his birthright for mess of pottage."
A second said, Judas made bad
bargain when he sold his Lord for
for thirty pieces of silver.
A third observed, "Our Lord tells
that he makes lad bargain. who, to
gain the whole world, looses his
soul.n
A gentleman snd his wife were
playing at one of the tables i'm Baden,
in the midst of n crowd. Hold !"
said the lady, ian idea" "What is
it? 81 am going TO bet on the
number of my own age" "All
right" replied the husband, without
turning his head, being occupied in
egling n pretty waitress. His wife
placed louis on the number twenty
five. "Fhirty-six" drawled the
erOupier, in nasal tone. Thirty
six, you have won," exclaimed the
husband, with delight. Madame
redeemed to the eyebrows, watched
the rake as il drew away the louis
from number twenty-five, and quit
ted the room. ..
Young AMERICAN WoNDERs.-I
wonder why papa tells such nice sto-
ries to visitors about his hiding his
masters rattan when he went to
school, and about running away from
the school-mistress when she was go
ing to whip him, and then shut me
up in dark room because tried once
to be as sharp as he had been?
Wonder what made papa say that
wicked word when Betsy upset the
ink all over his papers and then slap.
ped my ears because / said the same
thing " hen my kite-string broke?
Wonder why mama told Bridget,
the other day she was not ut home
when Tommy Days mother called,
and then puts me to bed without my
supper every time tell lie?
Oh, dear! there are lots of things
want to know. How i wish was a
man. r.-.s..-...
Fear OF Life Insurance.
The following dialogue between an