The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1868-09-20
MORNING STAR AND CATHOLIC MESSENGER.
NEW ORLEANS SUNDAY. SEPTEMBER 90 1868.
WIT AND W1sD0N.

The most valuable prize-Enterprise.
A Minor Chord-A short load of wood.
He ia a good shoemaker who is faithful
to the last.
To keep eggs from spelling, eat them
while they are fresh
4 The man who swallowed the story whole
was nearly suffocated.
The man who would "mend the age"
must put a /" stitch in time"
Keep thy tongue carefully; it may honor,
but it may also condemn thee.
The three best medicines in the world
are warmth, abstinence, and repose.
How to make a little money 60 great
way-Travel on tho low price trains.
Hearts are much oftener trumps in the
game of cards than in the game of wedlock !
An old style of "basket carriage."-Car-
rying home your dinner in one ON your arm.
Idleness is like the nightmare-the mo-
ment you begin to stir yourself you shake 1t
off.
! The new moon reminds one of a giddy
girl, because she is too young to show much
reflection.
Pleasant Falls-Falling in love with
pretty girl, and falling heir to hundred
thousand dollars.
Why istwice ten the same rs twice elcven7
Because twice ten is twenty, and twice
eleven is twenty two.
An experienced traveller reports that the
best ventilated hotel ever patronized was
the Tip-Top on Mount Washington.
Reuben saw, in the window of book
store, a placard announcing: "Bnrns for
fifty cents" He says the ways of the city
are beyond his comprehension.
ALondon witness having told the magis-
trate he was a penman, was asked in what
branch of literature he welded his pen, and
he replied he penned sheep in Smithfeld
market.
0If," said an Irish apothecary, "you
find three tumblers of whisky punch dis
agree with you over night, don't take 'em
till the next day, and then leave 'em OF en-
tirely."
Some one asking Mr.. Curran why a coun-
trymap of his walked about London with
his tongue out of his mouth, he said that
he supposed he did so to catchthe- English
accent.
EsI am afraid YOU have settled me1ancho-
ly,n said landlady to a cadaverous ledger
1No, madam he replied, "my me1ancho-
ly won't settle; like your coffee, it has too
much grounds.
1t is said that Hobbs, the famous lock
smith, has succeeded in picking one of
axe, and succeeded SO well, that he has
gone to work on wedlock.
In Nevada, n contemplative Digger Indian
sat watching party of baseball players,
who seemed to him to be working very
hard. Turning to one of them, he asked
elbow much you get one day I"
Ayoung candidate for the legal profession
was asked what he would do first when EN-
ployed to bring an action. " Ask for money
on account" was the prompt reply. He
passed without further questioning.
"Do you suppose you can do the land
: lord in the Lady Of Lyons r" said man
aver to a seedy actor in quest of an engage
nent. az should think 1 might" was the
reply; 81 have done great many land
lords" FL.
A lady who had refused to give, after
hearing n charity sermon, had her Pocke
picked as she was leaving the church. VI
making the discovery she said: GOO
could not find the way to my pocket, bu
the devil did"
"Please, sir, give me a penny to kee1
me from starving ?" asked a beggar woman
of n gentleman passing by. Can stop,
make Il speech at the Society for the hehe
of the Destitute"
A widow lady received present or
turkey. "Who sent it ?" she asked of til
Irish porter. " was tould not to tell, sal
he "Ah! l can guess" said the, lady
"Bedad,'' said the porter, that's just VIVA
/ tould Deacon Grant"
AYankee lawyer, who was pleading til
cause of a little boy, took him up IN n
arms and held him to the jury, sutfused
tears This had great effect until the oppt
site lawyer asked the boy: What make
you cry P' ssHc's pinching me-" said the DO.
"Keep off that grass" said policem9
to an Irish orange peddler, who had estai
lished himself on a nice bit OF turf on Il
common. "Back luck to yer, I'm not hur
ing the grass" said the exile of Erin; wi
iyer heard of an Orangeman 'wearin OFF Il
green"
In a certain town there was shoemak
who at times officiated as preacher. He a
ways wrote the notices himself i'll order
save the expenses of printing. Here is OF
of them: '!There will be preaching in Il
,,:noS tLis Sundny evening. on the subiec