Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-07-10
Wise and Otherwise.


est cad ever (endeavor.'
A Fisherman generally does his
work 10y right angle try angle.
What is better than promising
voting man? A paying one.
WHY is bridegroom worth more
than q bride? Because she is given
away, and he is sold!
Where is money first mentioned In
the Bible? When the dove brought
the green back to Noah.
Jones says the reason why he is al
WAYS so pensive is because fais wife
and,daughter are SO expensive.
A sign on a Bowery corner in New
York reads, Persons standing here
will consider themselves loafers.'
The srtain upon of the straw.
berry boxes that are said TO contain q
quart when filed must be tremen-
dous.
An old lady, hearing of q pedes-
trian's great feat, wondered why they
didn't interfere with his fast walk
ing.
An editor never leaves any money
mt home for fear of fire, and never
carries any with him for fear ofpre-
culating officials.
A prominent Journalist in New
York who is perfectly bald, has Of
fered reward of one thousand dol
lars for a tale that will make his
boir stand on end
josh Billings says he will never
patronize lottery so long rs he can
hire any body else to rob him at
reasonable wages-a resolve that IL
worth of general imitation.
A miner, who lately came from
Virginia City, says that vegetation is
80 scarce in that region that two
mullen stalks and bunch Of this
ties is called a grove 49,. .. ...t
- A school marin has adopted new
and novel mode of punishment. II
the BOYS disobey her rules, she stands
them on their heads and pours water
in their trowsers' legs. Ks
My DEAR said an anxious matron
to her daughter, lit is very wrong for
young people to be throwing kisses
mt each other why so mamma |?
I'm sure they don't hurt even If they
do hit ...,-... - ..
A stingy husband accounted for oil
the blame of the lawlessness of his
children by saying that his wife al
ways gave them their own way
poor things it Is oil / have to give
Them was her prompt reply.
The Fakir Of Ava has become a
market gardener, and funny fellow
asks whether he will claim to be q
magician i'm that calling also, be-
cause he may occasionally be press
ed-to-dig-a-tater. Seat'
There is something exquisite in the
Yankees reply 10 the European trav-
eler; when asked if he had just
crossed the Alps, he replied: "Waal
now YOU call my attention to the
fact, / guess I did pass little risin'
ground"
s''.Now, then" said n lawyer TO a
witness in q burglary case, "were
you not kicked down stairs the last
time you visited the prisoners
house ?" 'No, sir; I was only kicked
at the top of the stairs, and fell down
Immediately afterwards"
A facetious gentleman named Hunt,
of Williamsburg, dining opon tough
fowl, asked the landlady where the
fowl came from. She replied, From
Williamsburg" "Impossible," said
Mr.. Hunt, "for the town hasn't been
incorporated over forty years"
Bridget said the council to wit
ness, who had been brought from
the house of correction, wasn't you
brought here on habeas corpusH
No indade,' she indignantly re-
piled, I'D have you know / came
here like a dacent woman on the
cars.
Two gentlemen of Auburn, New
York, recently eloped, each with the
others wife, on the same train and
the same dark night. A recognition
ensued i'm the waiting room at SYRIA
cuse, an exchange was effected, and
there is no more division in those
households.
Most any man will concede that it
heavy STAY up hill for the fieetin
appears to me that that boy is a saeg
bi the side of the young man hoo
works hard all the week and drinks
his stamps up Saturday nite.-Josh
Billings. @.
A gentleman while walking In his
garden, caught the gardener asleep
under q tree. He scolded him sound
ly for his laziness, and ended by tell
ing him that such a sluggard was not
worthy TO enjoy the light of the sun.
at was for that reason, exactly
said the gardener, "that crept into
she shade"
"a Connecticut four-year- saw
his parents preparing for church and
asked them TO take him with them.
He was told that he was too little aud
must wait till he should grow bigger.
"Well," returned he, "you'd better
take me now, for when l get bigger
may not want to 60" They saw
the point; he was taken.
An Irishman who had lain sick q
long time. was one day met by the
parish priest, when the following
conversation took place: We'll Pat
rick, 1 am glad you have recovered
but were you not afraid to meet your
God?' Och, no! yer reverence, it
was meeting the other gintleman
that was afraid uv,' replied Pat.
A gentleman having engaged
bricklayer to make some repairs i'm
his cellar, ordered the ale to be re-
moved before the bricklayer COM
menced his work. 'Oh, I'm not
afraid of barrel of ale! said the
bricklayer. Il presume not said
the gentleman but think q bar
rel of ale would run at your ap-
proach
THINGS WE SHOULD MUCH LIKE
TO SEA- fruit tree that keeps away
pliers by its own bark.
Gas that would go out at night and
come in again in the morning.
A saucepan that will boil over
with rage when the cook is insuIted.
A clock that is so conceited Us not
to run down its own works.
The coat of poor mans stomach
to see If 1t is out at the elbows.
RECEIPT FOR FINDING A HUSBAND,
More common sense and less wit.
More useful occupation and less
music.
More study of the Mysteries of the
Kitchen and less Mysteries of Paris.
Ill L. u.a..