Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-01-03
9nmprpns.

saoRr metre-The nearest way 70 your
sweetheart house.
Wny is a goose Ike > COW stall? Because
th both grow down
Iceland the clergyman kisses his congre
galiop al around befare preaching.
10 yoa wish people TO say something good
Of sou: Say nothing about il yourself
Irjs more reputable to wear a borrowed
Goa than coat paid for with borrowed mon.
ey
TaRsa girls came across bear near Ken
aais Iills, Maine, when The huge beast took
. ai5 paws and led.
Bs1uAu YorSo calls it 'blasphemous
u 3ale il any Of his wives suggest there
az too many Of them,
Iaa Philadelphia Press says the course Of
q srt.iu New York journal is enough to
.pase hen smile" The idea
ls the quickest way to make fortune, "a
contemporary suggests marrying ia. b ona-
Die young lady and selling her clothes.
gG railing of cross woman, Ike the
Fa 9e og garden, keeps people at DIS
! lance.
PEOPLE having the most contracted minds
aye naughty to interiors and obsequious to
sapetiors
YoUse men who go 10 balls win do well to
remember that ball should never close with
reel
WnrN did the ancient Greeks find it prof
table to plough the ocean 4? In the days Of Ce-
crops.
NoT that which men do worthily, but that
hicb they do successfully is what history
makes haste to record.
s Nay ofthe world may have enough OF
the world to sink him, but he can never have
enough to satisfy him.
Az American paper says that an Indian
rubber omnibus is about to be invented, which
when falI, will hold a couple more.
Why Is a tilting skirt like slaughter pen i?
Because lean and fat calves ere contained in
WAIT for others to advance your interests.
and you viii wait until they are not worth ad.
gaacng.
ME. sNooEs says the reason he does not
marry is, that his house Is not large enough to
contain the consequences.
GENERALLY -Tilfug skirts. water.
i.ls and ether peoples business.
TIE damsel who is accused of breaking
yoang man heart, has been bound over in
'he bonds Of malrmony 10 keepthe piece.
NAmcu PAsHA is the only great man in
Turkey aho has married four wives In view
Of The arithmetic can all of them he called
'' better halves Pr
THg Prima Donna who carried away her
! audience is earnestly and humbly requested
o bring It back, as there were several moth
ers IN it who left babies at home who may
want something.
Gas. WooD says, in writing FROM Brazit.
ta4t the ladies, on being introduced to
stranger. insists upon being embraced. heart
throbbiDs against heart. 10 for Brazil
So What makes your cows SO cross' said
an old lady to the milkman, the other dav.
Cross, madam they are the gentIest things
ia the world WeH, the milk is always
soarI" replied the matrou sharply.
Az iguoramus bad been sick, and. on re,
/ covering, was told by the doctor that he might
1 take little animal food No. sir. said
/ he, g took your Cruel easy enough, but
hang me if can eat your hay or oats.
FArHER, said a cobbler's lad as he was
peggjug away at an ola shoe, they say that
trout bite like everything now" "Wen,
well, replied the old gentleman. stick to
your work and they won't bite you."
a FEW years ago the ladies wore kind Of
hood called kiss me if you dare" The
| present style of bonue,s nigh, be called, with
equal propriety kiss me ifyou want to-
WHEN you see a young man and woman
walking down the street, leaning against each
other like a pair of badly matched oxen. il is
a pretty good sign that they are bent on con.
solidation.
WrE, " said 6rober, few days since.
do you think shall ever be worth firy
thousand dolars?'
Amt worth that to you r. said the con.
! hdlng spouse.
Yes" hesitatirgly replied The other
half % but can't put you out at interest
9" saw lady wrapped up in a shwal that
she would not take six hundred dollars for.
said Smih to Jones. u can beat that ali
holIow,' retorted Jones, for saw a lady
that was wrapped up ia her baby and she
wouldn't have taken six hundred thousand
dollars for it,
Is there any word Of one syllable in the
4 Engish language asks the heroine Of
new novel, " that Includes so many revolving
ideas as the word .bilsg' None excent
hell answers her father, and l sometimes
think they are synonymous.
AT great Republican rally at Defiance.
Ohio, one of the banuers bore the following
Inscription
any man attempts to haul down the
American lagr give him a post office -.
Johnson.
CcFFT said he'd rather die in a railroad
smash upthan a steamboat burst-up. for this
reason:
If you gifts Off and smashed up, dar you is
but ifyou gifts bIowed up on de boat wbar is
you?