Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-10-23

Queen Victoria has thirteen grand
children, and the cry is still they
GENE.
The bent Of n fashionable woman e
mind, and body too, just at present
is the Grecian bend.
Which is the worse, the Grecian
bend for ladies, or the American
"bender" for gentlemen?
A surprise wedding is when man
marries woman he doesn't know,
and wishes he had never known.
Some girls lately escaped from
Blackwells Island in q tub. The
World says they were washed ashore.
What the Georgia assassins want
To be let alone. What the Democ-
racy want them to have-Their own
way. -.-
1T liz said that five thousand differ
ent articles in common use are man.
ufaetured out of the ordinary willow
trees,
Josh Billings says he believes in
the final salvation of men s.; but he
wants the privilege of picking the
men.
Why should the sea make better
house keeper than the earth? Be-
cause the earth is exceedingly dirty,
and the sea is very tidy.
Al boy was accosted by an ascetic
middle aged lady, with boy, /
want to go to Dover street." dwell,
ma,am why don't you go there
then ?o
Queen yictoria's chief cook gets
$500 year in gold, with the priv
ilege Of taking four apprentices, who
pay him 5000 year each for his in
= structions.
tits rumcred, :. says Pon,ch. that Cal
craft is engaged in compiling a histo.
tory of hanging down to the date of
abolition ofpublic execution, He in
tends 70 call it "The Decline of The
British Hempire."
Iwould reject the thought that if
religion is not true there is no differ.
ence between mankind and the
brutes. The very power of conceiv-
ing the ideas of religion, makes q
great and happy difference.
The old bachanalian song says
that those who go to bed sober die i'm
October. Seymour and Blair will
not be finally killed until November,
but there will be no question of their
sobriety on the night of October 18th.
A young lady going into a barrack
room at Fort George, saw an officer
toasting slice of bread upon the
point of his sword; on which she ex-
claimed-"1 see sir, you have got the
staff of life upon the point OF death. "
A young woman meeting former
fellow-servant, was asked how che
liked her new place. Every well. "
'Then you have nothing to complain
off" Nothing only master and
mistress talk such very bad gram
mar"
The Western Music World says :
zone evening at a social gathering
a young lady played piece of mu-
sic consisting of twenty-four pages.
A gentleman referring to it the next
day, said they werefavored with mu-
sic by the quire"
Smythe spent two whole days and
nights i'm considering an answer to
his conundrum: "Why is an egg un-
done like an egg overdone?" He
would suffer no one to tell him, and
at last hit upon the solution-because
both are hardly done.
Mysterious red crosses marked on
certain door posts in Augusta Me-,
greatly agitated the gossips and low
ers. Their romantic fears subsidized
on learning that an old pedler had
thus marked the houses to indicate
those lac had visited.
1t is suggested that the most FEAST
BILE plan of abolishing polygamy in
Utah, would be to introduce the Par
is fashions there, as no Saint could
stick to his harem if he had to pay
the dress makers and milliner's bills
for dozen or twenty wives.
The Ne,O York Sun independently
asks: Twas it not insanity in the
Democratic party to reassert the is.
sues of the war, and go into the cam
paign upon them Is Seymour {
better leader than Lee? And is i
not the same man that has been pit
ted against them both?"
A Clergyman asked some children
why we say in the Lords Prayer
"Who art in Heaven" since God !.
everywhere He saw little drum
mer, who looked as if he could give
an answer, and turned to him for it
-'Well, little soldier what say you p
Because its head quarters"
Mamma. papa is getting yer,
rich isn't hep" Mamma-''I don
know, why child?" Boy-"Caus,
he gives me so much money. AL
most every morning after hreakfas
when Sally is sweeping the parlor
he gives me asixpense to go out ant
play" Sally received short motto,
to quit.
A husband and wife and theil
hired man recently rode to st. Johns
bury, where, while the husband wa.
settling the lawyers fees for di
rorce from his wife on charge o
adultery, she and the hired man
were getting married. The first pail
had eight children, the youngest on.
ly three weeks old, and the whole
affair so scandalous that the indig
nant neighbors compelled the newly
married couple to leave for more con.
genial quarters.
a little girl who was walking with
her mother, was tempted by the
sight ola basket of oranges exposed
for sale. ands.quietly took one; but
afterwards, stricken by conscience
returned it. On her return home
she was discovered in tears, and be
ing asked the cause of her sorrow, re-
piled, sobbing: Mamma, l haven,
broken one of the commandments
but ! think l have cracked one lit
tle.n
During the Vermont State Fair, 1
conductor on one of the railroads
was somewhat surprised, on extend
ing his hand to receive the tickle
from a rustic young lady, to perceiv,
her grasp it most warmly and at tn,
same time ask him "How's you
tolksgo adding the remark that "i
was nice weather." A stern sense O
duty compelled the conductor to un
deceive the fair creature, and explain
TO her that he wasn't "a friend of til,
family that his business was to TAX
tickets.
A hotel keeper at Lancaster, Penn
syIvania, recently learned somethin,
in this wise; Two countrymen tool
lodgings at his place, and fare,
sumptuously, drinking three bottle