davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05
MARK TWAIN ON WASHINGTON
CLERKSHIPS

Mark Twain, having become disgusted
with Washington clerkship, writes
am done with official life for the
present Let those clerks who are will
ling toIbe imposed upon remain. / know
plumbers OF them in the departments who
are never informed when there is to be
Cabinet meeting, whose advice is never
asked about war, or finance, or commerce,
by the heads of the nation, any more
! than if they were not connected with tie
Government, and who actually stay in
their offices day after day and work
They know their importance to the ma.
ton, and they unconsciously show it in
their bearing and the way they order
their sustenance at the restaurant--bnt
they work. know one who has to p;ste
all sorts of little scraps from the newspa-
pers into a scrap book, sometimes as ma
ny as eight or ten scraps day. He
doesn't do it we'll, but he does it as we'll
as he can.,a 1t is very fatigulng Ii is
exhaustins to the intellect. Yet he only
gets 81 800 year. With a brain like
his, that young man could amass thous
ands of dollars in some other pursuit, if
he chose to do it. But no-his hesrt il
with his country, and he will serve her
as long as SIZE has got a scrap-book left
And l know clerks that don't know how
to write very well, but such knowledge
as they possess they feebly lay at the feet
of their country, and toll on aid suffer for
So; 500 year. What they write has to
be written over again by other clerks,
sometimes : but when man has dons
his bestfor his country, should his coun-
try complain? Then there are clerks
that have no clerkships, and are waiting,
and waiting, and waiting, for vacancy
waiting patiently for chance to nelp
their country out--and while t,.,ey are
waiting they only get barely $1,000
year for it. 1t is sad IS very, very
sad. When member of Congress has
friend who is gifted, b at has no employ
ment wherein his great powers may be,
brought to tear, he confers him upon his
country, and gives him clerkship in a
department. And there that man has
to slave lis life out, fighting documents
tor the benefit of nation th1t never
thinks Of him, never sympathizes with
hlrl-and all for s. .00J or $4,000 year.
When shall have compile ed my list of
all the clerks in the several departments,
with my statement Of what they have to
do, and what they get for it, you viii see
that there arc not half enough clerks, aud
what there are do not get half enough
pay. t.,...F, ....
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05
The MAN WHO ATE THE FIRST
OYSTER.

An article illustrating the philosophy
of manias contains the following: He
was bold man who first swallowed an
oyster, says De Quincy. Conceive ship
wrecked Ph9nician sailor scrambling over
the wet rocks, perhaps one who has tasted
no food for three days, He notices these
title blvaiees for the first time in his life !;
accidentally he touches the open she'll of
one, and it closes. He tries to insert a
splinter from his broken ship, which is
hoa ing by him, where he saw the two
shells close together, but is unsuccessful
At last he separates the lower shell from
the rocks by striking it with a loose stone,
and makes an opening for his splinter,
and thus at last tears apart the ligaments
by which the oyster holds his own. He
stares a the strange, and to him, disgust
ing lump of feshy substance, then he
touches it it with his finger, then smells
of it. He hesitates, and finally throws it
away. An hour after, impeled by gnaw-
ing pains in his stomach, and fear of
horrible death, he goes to the place where
he threw it, searches for it, washes it clean
in limpid pool left by the tide among
the rocks, anu after many wry faces and
futile efforts, with prayer to Jupiter
swallows it, His heart heaves once or
twice, but as his tongue rolls round his
palate he is forced to admit there is nothing
unpleasant in the taste left In his mouth
He lmaglnes once or twice he feels symp-
toms OF a gripping pain, but that passes off.
An hour after he feels so much better
that he looks for another oyster, and
before the sun goes down behind the
watery horizon he has eaten two. With
another prayer to the gods, he makes for
hole IN the warm, dry sand. above the
tide mark, and goes to sleep with his last
thoughts turned to the home which, after
his rash venture, added to the other
dangers OF his situation, he hardly expects
ever to see again. When, on the next
day be meets his comrades and persuades
them to eat oysters, he finds that it is less
difficult for others to follow his example
than it was for him to see it, and within
a year or two all the sailors in the
Phenician navy, and all the inhabitants
in ports visited by Phenician ships, eat
oysters regularly. So oysters became
scarce, and the original discoverer of their
value as food, on some occasions, when
sitting on the beach taking a friend
ly meal, complains that there are so many
folks hunting after oysters that he cannot
obtain over 8 or 8 dozen a day.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05
AUGUST yyEGGENHaORN

J z wv Z LER,
Has recently opened a Jewelry Store in john
sons block, corner Main and lst street. where he
will keep constantly on hand large stock of
Watches, Clocks, Jewelry, Silver and Plated
Ware. &C. &c Particular attention paid to
repai, ing Watches, Cloaks, Jewelry, &c; and
warranted to give satisfaction.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05
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Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05

A country schoolmaster; preparing for
an exhibition of his school. selected q class
Of pupils and wrote down the questions
which he would put to them on examina-
ton day. The day arrived, and SO did
the hopefuls, all but one. The pupils
took their places as had been arranged,
ana all went on giibiy until the question
of the absentee came, when the teacher
asked: In whom do you believe p
In Napoleon Bonaparte J" was the answer
quickly returned. g You believe in the
established church, do you not? mo
said the youngster, " the boy that believes
in that church. hasn't come, to school to
day" s.--,-
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05

THE New ENGLAND ROCKING CHAIR.
If once you satsdoWii in it the illusory,
notioa of luxury vanished: It was wood,
en- throughout, Only if some one was
sick in the house was there cushion in
1t. Its joints by long use had formed a
complaining habit, and you nigh in any
part of the house knowlwhether the rock
ing chair was in active use We are
obliged to say that it was treacherous
chain. The rockers had been curved to
sucl lines that if you yentured beyond
very gentle motion the chair would give
backward lurch as if going over, and
there are few things more unsatisfactory.
to sober minded person, careful of sp-
pearances, than to be carried over back
ward in the midst Of a quiet convcrsa-
ton. 1t is true that the clair never did
go over. The shape of the rocker was
such that when the victim bad spread his
arms and firted his legs into the air, in
involuntary effort at equilibrium, the chair
stopped and set itself firmly, as if it had
been blocked, returning again to its nor
NAL state only upoa 'aAvieleat1effort Of It's.
occupant The neighbors were aware Of
this propensity and avoided the chair.
Strangers usually had an experience with
it, the good doctor or his wiiec for the
hundredth time treasured them, "tDon't
be alarmed 1t won't go over I never
knew anybody to fall'H-Hcniy Ward
Beecher. = 1 saent
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05
PAT AND THE DEACON, -

Re s3SS4 35z 1.5sEBa -
~ Some months ago, IS Deacon ingalls,,
o. sHampscot r. l., was travelling
through the western part of the State Of
New York, be fell in with an frishfnan
who had lately arrived, in this county.
aud was In search of brother who had
come before him and settled "a some Of
the digglngs IN that part oil tbs cothtTy..
Pat was strong man, a true Ronap
Catholic, and had ncYer Seen, the interior
OF a Protestant Church. IugalIs was q
pious man. He told Pat he was going to
church, and invited his newly made
FREUD to accompany BIN tdither, his dos.
tination being a small lneeting-hotise near
bJ. There was great revival there at
that time, and one of the deacons, who
was very small man in stature, invited
brother lngalls to seat in his pew. He
accepted the invitation, followed by Pat
who looked in vain for tie alter, etc,
After he was seated he turned around to
broth2r ingalls,, and, in a whisper that
could be heard all around, he imputed:
''Shure, an isn't thi hereto church,"
"Hush !" said ingalls,, ''if you speak
word they will put you out" d lsg7' gig
"Divil word will L speak at all at
all, replied Pat. ra-..., .,.......-.,
The meeting was opened BY prayer By
the pastor. -,
Pat was cycling him very closely, when
an old gentlemen, who was standing in
the pew directly in front of Pat, shouted.
"Amen y ...... f...... ....-.:..',
"Hist, ye divi p rejoined Tat, in.his
loud whisper, which was heard by the
minister; "be oacent and don make
block head of yourself! a tuua5
The parson grew more. feryent-in his
devotions. Presently the deacon uttered
an audible groan-" Amen -
"Hist, ye blackguard Have ye nc
dacency at all p said Pat, at thesame
time giving him punch in the ribs,
which caused him to lose bis equilibrium,
The minister stopped, and, extending
his hands in :. suppliant manner, said:
"Brethen, we cannot be disturbed in
this way Will some one putthat man
out % -.5e..-el ..t.I..f-.. o--..,.-.---.-.a
eyes, your riveresce,''. shouted Pat
II viii do it"
And suiting the action to the word, ,.he
collared the deacon and to the utter hor-
ror of the pastor, brother Ingalls,, and
the whole congregation, he dragged him
up the aisle, and with tremendous kick
sent him into the yestibule of the church
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05

A worthy deacon, one morning, as he.
Journeyed to his work, called upon q
neIghbee who had just killed a hog, and
barga4ned with him for quantity of pigs
nTards, 10 be. used FOR sausage. castings.
tie same to be sent to. his house ty the,
nelghbor's boz AS evening advanced, the
deaeapawho was p!texpeotad adly detained,
did 10 reach home until late hour. IL
the meantime his good wife, who was 4
very nervous women. became much
alarmed at his nonappearanee, and has en-
ing to the door, in answer to.9a loud
knock, was Jeonfrop.ed by a boy holding
tin pail, which he handed-to the frightened
women, exclaiming y Here's the deacon,s
gnts!9 The alarm Of the !, poor woman
upon receiving the supposed coDten1s Of
the dcscon's abdomen can ,ba. better
Imagined than described.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05

Our entire population having been a
little over thirtyone millions, the number
of persons whose occupations are re-
ported amounts to about one in every sixf
or very nearly the average of heads o.
families or legal voters to the whole pop,
ulation. The remaining FIVE sixths may
be reckoned as the domestic class" or
women and persons under age.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05
w. II SHULZE-
S urgeon Dentist,

NNOULD respectfully inform those inter-
w ested, that in addition to his known
facilities for performing all operations pertain
ing to his profession, he has obtained recent
ly inproped apparatus for makiug Chemically
PURE Nitrous Oxide Gas, or t'Vitalized Air, y
by which TEETH CAN BE EXTRACTED
WITHOUT PAIN. Any one can take 1t. 1t pro-
duces no unpleasant effectsas 9th er anathetics;
it is perfectly HARMLESS and SAFE, and is
highly recommended by the medical profession
He will administer the gas at any time. Office
over the Watertown Ba lk.
Student wanted.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05

The OCCUPATION OF THE PEOPLE.
The Cincinnati Commercial makes an at
tempt to classify the employments of the
people, with tn Q following result:
The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1868-03-15

SERIOUS Loss.-The-Paris correspondent
of the Pail Nall Gasettc writes that the
great ecclesiastical printing, presses and
warehouse of the well-known Able Migne
were totally destroyed by fire, on the 18th
ult. The loss of property is valued at six
or seven millions francs. During the last
thirty years the Abbe's presses have supplied
the Roman Catholic clergy with cheap edi-
lions of the Greek and Latin Fathers, text
books in every branch Of divinity, reprints
of the works of the French divines and theo-
logical cyclopedias. He has edited two
thousand volumes quartO, or what we in En-
gland would call imperial octave, printed in
double columns.
The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1868-03-15

TIE VIRGINS TREE.&1sn incident arising
out of the Egyptian Viceroy visit to Europe
is thus recorded in the papers of the day
Ismail Pasha, according to the Egypte, as
the Empress of the tree and the ground sur
rounding it, under which, as tradition says,
the Virgin rested during the flight into
Egypt. Every one in that country knows
the Virgins tree. His Highness had enclosed
in small Golfer a portion Of the earth in
which it is planted, piece of the bark, and
the RodJet or title to the property, which
were presented to her Majesty. The tree
thus alluded to is ofsome historical interest,
aud will be found at Matarea, or Matariyeh,
a few miles to the northeast of Cairo, and
with good reason regarded as the site of
Heliopolis OF On, where the patriarch Joseph
lived. This Heliopolis was also called Ain
Shems, or Fountain of the Sun, from the ex-
istence of q remarkable spring or well,
which was celebrated from remote antiquity.
The writer of the Arabic Gospel of the h
fancy. more than Il thousand years ago,
whom nariating the fight into Egypt, says ::
offence they proceedeth to the sycamore
tree, which is now called AIatarea, and the
Lord Jesus produced a fountain i'll Matarea,
wherein Lady Mary washed her garment.
! Now from the sweat of the-Lord Jusus
which he there let drop, the balsam came
forth IN that region (Cowper's Translation,
chap. 24.} Some of the old authors who
mention the fountain and the balsam, do
not refer to. the tree. Sir John Maundeyille,
| about 1922, mentious the baisam or balm,
and says there were seven wells which Jesus
made with his feet when he went to play
with the children. Thevenot relates the
legend much as it appears in the learned
Wansleb's curious book, "Nonvelle Relation
en- forme de Journal dun Voyage fait en-
| Egypte." Wansleb says t'There was for
merly to be seen in the same garden the
sycamore which, after the tradition of the
Copts, was miraculously rent asunder to
shelter our Lord and his holy Mother when
Herod's soldiers pursued them. They tell
how that, being secreted i'll the hollow tree,
they escaped from the hands of the enemy
because spiders web was spread over the
entrance, and looked very old, although
made i'll ain instant by Divine power. There
fore the soldiers could not fancy anybody
was inside, and least ofall those they sought
for.n
The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1868-03-15

"If / take the next street on the left,
where viii it lead me to, my friend 7" asked
stranger in town yesterday. "Lead you
straight into trouble, sir; they don't allow
old, dried-up shadow OF a man, but with a
twinkle in his eye.
The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1868-03-15

A Pennsylvania farmer went mad on the
supposed bite of dog, but was cured when
it was proved that he was not bitten.
The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1868-03-15

Thorough bass-A real mean fellow.
The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1868-03-15
MORNING srAR AND CATHOLIC MESSENGER.
NEW ORLEANS, SUNDAY, MARCH Is, 1868.
sf1scEz1AxEous IRISH NEWS.

DUBLIN.-A. competitive examination for a
junior clerkship in the Department Of the Poor
Law Board at the Custom House, Dublin, has
just been concluded, and Mr.. Robert Cantrell
of Frederick street, has been declared the sue
cessful candidate Five gentlemen competed.
Mr.. Cantrel1 obtained considerably over 9oO
marks, the maximum number being 100.
We regret to have to announce the death OF
Marcus Costello, ESD, a we'll known and highly
esteemed Irishman. Mr.. Costello for long
period occupied distinguished position IN con.
nection with the popular party, and as PRESIDENT
of the Trades Political Union took an active
part in the exciting politics of the day. owing
to the very decisive course which MI. CosteIlo
adopted with regard to the anti-tithe agitation,
he earned for himself the distinction of prose-
cution, which was followed by q heightened
term Of imprisonment.
A court-martiaI was lately hold In Dublin for
the trial of Private James Rourke, seth British
regiment, ON the following charges: list.
That he did contrary to military discipline and
good order on the 9Th day of December, 1867,
take part in party procession held in Dublin
in honor of three men who were executed in
Manchester. I'd. That he did, on that day, take
part in u political procession, contrary to the
rules and regulations of her Majesty's forces"
The finding of the court has not yet been pro-
mulgated.
meeting was held on Sunday, 9th uIt. in
the Church Of the Immaculate Conception at
inchicOre. for the purpose of cooperating with
Clarksville chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 186?-1872, 1868-07-03
m, Pr.,srsys.s. D.,arfm..i

is stlll under the supervision OF Mr.. l., II.
COOPER, who is wcn known W'a careful
and accurate compounder Of medicines.
Prescriptions nlled promptly day or night.
June %, lsOS-i
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1868-09-09
NEW ADVERTISEMENTS

VIRGINIA at rules held in the Clerk 8
Office of the Circuit Court of Augusta
on the It'll day of September, 1868.
George Seawright and John Seawright Execu-
tors of John Seawright, deed, Plaintiff.
Against
Jacob Harshbarger Defendant.
IN CHANCERY
Whereas certain suit in Chancery has been
pending in the Circuit Court Of Augusta county
between John Seawright's Executors, Plaintiffs,
and Jacob Harshbarger, Defendant, and before
Jacob Harshbarger departed his life. and the es-
tate of which he died seized and possessed hath
descended to his widow and heirs at law, to wit :;
Ann Harshbarger widow, John Harshbarger, ia
cob Harshbarger, Emanuel Beam and Francis
his wife, late Frances Harshbarger, Jacob Lands
and Lydia his wife, late Lydia Harshbarger, John
Lands and Ann his Wife, late Ann Harshbarger,
Isaac Harshbarger, Abraham. Harshbarger. John
Hickleman and Susan his wife, late Susan Harsh
bargcr, Christian Shantz and Elizabeth his wife,
late Elizabeth Harshbarger, Sarah Harshbarger,
James Culens and Christina his wife, late Chris
tina Harshbarger-and the Plaintiffs having ap-
piled for soirc facias against the heirs aforesaid
And it appearing by satisfactory evidence that
Isaac Harshbarger, Abraham Harshbarger, John
Heckleman and Susan his wife, Christian Shantz
and Elizabeth his wife, James Cullens and Chris
tina his wife and Sarah Harshbarger are non
residents of this Commonwealth. 1t is ordered
that they do appear here within one month after
due publication of this notice to show cause if any
they can why this suit should not be proceeded in
to final decree agaist them as heirs at law of
said Harshbarger, Decd, and further to do what
may be sssary to protect their interest these-
i. copy-Teste.
BALDWIN, p. q. JOHN PARIS, D. C.
sept 9-4t
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1868-09-09

A Coop NAN GoNE.-The bravest man,
North of Masons and Dickson's line is dead
Ex-GoS. Thomas Seymour, of Connecticut,
is no more, and it will beage before hey see
his like again North. He was our choice for
Democratic Candidate for President and was,
by all odds, the best man in the party. Peace
to his ashes. May his spirit ever animate The
glorious Democracy Of old Connecticut
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1868-09-09

DON'T HALLoo BEFORE YOU ARE Our OF
THE WooDs.-We learn that Rockingham
people are rejoicing over the defeat of tie
Chesapeake & Q. R. R. subscription by Au-
gusta They say it prevents the Valley road
ever coming further than Harrisonburg and
that they are now taking trade from u.s.
This must make our people, who rejoiced over
the defeat of the subscription, happy! but we
advise Rockingham not to halloo too soon
All who voted for the Chesapeake & Ohio sub
scription will vote $500, 600 to the Valley and
50 will those who voted against it, Let US
turn our whole attention to the matter and
vote the s500,eJO.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1868-09-09

WHF!-"Why is there no enthusiasm for
Grant?' radicals dismally ask. Because
the American people North arc sensational
fond of 'big things" even big butchers, but
like children, they soon tire of their toys and
seek new sensations Grant was a costly toy
1t was all very well when the excitement was
up, but now that it is down, Grant is "play-
ed out" as they say and they only rcmem-
Der what fools he made of them. This char
acteristio of the Northern people, with the
monstsSus eatrages of the Radical party an
swers the question and settles the why's and
wherefsaas. lie is dead cock in the pit
Pitch him ouk,