Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1868-12-18
A EuIogy Of Woman by Mark
Twain"

Dir. President: do not know why
I should have been singled out to receive
the greatest distinction of the evening
for so the Office of replying TO the toast
to woman has been regarded I'D every
age. do not know why | have receiv-
ed this distinction, unless it be that am
trifle less homely than the other mem
bers of the club. But be this as 1t may,
Mr.. President, / am proud of the posi-
ton, and you could not have chosen any
one who would have accepted it more
gladly, or labored with a heartier good
will to do justice to the subject, than /.
Because, sir, l love the sex. Laughter
| love all the women, sir, irrespective of
age or color. (Laughter.)
Human intelligence cannot estimate
what we owe to women. sir. She sews
on our buttons Daughter. she mends
our clothes laughter she ropes us in at
the church fairs-she cnnfides in US; she
Ills us whatever she can find out about
the little private affairs of the neighbors;
she gives us good adyice-aud plenty Of
it; she gives us piece OF her mind,
sometimes all Of it: she soothes our ach-
ing brows; she bears our cbildren-ours
as a general thing. In aIl the relations
of life, sir. it is but just and a graceful
tribute to woman to say of her that she
is brick. (Great laughter
Wheresoever you place woman, SIR
IN whatever position or estate-she is
an ornament to that place she occupies,
and treasure to the world. Here Mr..
Twain paused, looked inquiringly at bis
hearers. and remarked that the applause
should come in at this point. 1t came
in. Mr.. Twain resumed his eulogy.
Look at the noble names of history |!
Look at Cleo atra look at the Desdemo-
ma look at Florence Nightingale! look
ut Joan of Arc look at Lucretia Borgi1 !!
TDisapprobation expressed. WELL said
Mr.. Twain, scratching his head doubt
fully, suppose we let Lucretia slide. ]
Look at joyce Hethl look at Mother
Eve! (Cries of Ohrs Oh!) you need
not loo K Mt her unless you want to. but
said Mr.. Twain, refectively. after pause)
Eve was ornomented, sir; particularly
before the fashions changed! l repeat,
sir, look Mt the ilustrioas names of histo-
nv. Look at the Widow Machree; look
at Lucy Stone! Look at Elizabeth Cady
Stanton! Look at George Francis Train !!
(Great laughter.) AMI sir, l say it with
bowed head and deepest veneration, look
at the mother Of Washington she raised
boy that could not lie-coud not lie.
(Applause But he never had any
chance. (Oh, oh J 1t might have been
different with him if he had belonged to
newspaper correspondents club.
daughter, groans, Kisses, cries of "put
him out" Mark looked around upon
his excited audience, and resumed:
81 repeat, sir, that in whatsoever po-
sition you place a woman she is an orna-
ment to society and treasure to the
world. As sweetheart she has few
equals and no superiors (laughter); as a
cousin she is convenient-as a wealthy
grandmother, with an incurable distemp-
er, she is precious-as wet nurse she
has no equal among men! daughter }
"What, sir. would the peoples of the
earth be without woman? =
They would be scarce sir-almighty
scarce! Then let us cherish her--let us
protect her-let US give her our support,
our encouragement, our symyathy-our-
selves, i we get a chance. Laughter
"But, jesting aside, Mr.. President.
woman is loveable, gracious, kind of
heart, beautiful-worthy of all respect,
of all esteem, of all Difference. Not any
here will refuse to drink her health right
cordially in TINS bumper of wine, for each
and every one of us has personally
known, and loved, and bonored, the very
best one of them all-his own mother"
(Applause.)