The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-08-28

W IT attn Dlttttnr.
"A single flea bachelor
- Going out with the tied-attend-
ing a wedding.
- Carpets are bought by the yard
and worn by the foot.
Toeing out craft-kicking black
leg down stairs.
A small is where there are ma
ny tongues to talk, and few heads to
think.
- A radical editor says Colfax is OF
revolutions stock. So are all the
radicals.
- Adam is claimed as having be-
longed to the provision dealers, as he
early engaged in disposing of spare rib.
- The writer does the most who
gives his reader the most knowledge,
and takes from them the least time.
- Grant Is complimented for ten
aciously holding pint. 1t might exceed
pint as he is said to hold a quart.
- We should ENJOY more peace, if
we did not busy ourselves with the
words and deeds of other men, which APP
pertain not to our charge.
A boy IN one of our public schools
having been told that reptile "was
an animal that creeps," on being asked
to name one, he promptly and triumph
antly replied "a lby."
- What is that which is perfect with
a head, perfect without head, perfect
with tail, perfect without a tail. Per1
feet with both head and tail and perfect
with neither. A wig.
- Ii half the pains were taken by
some people to perform the labors allot-
ted to them that are taken by them to
avoid it; we should hear much less said
about the troubles of life, and see much
more actually completed.
- Geo. Washington. in war
first in peace, and rst in the hearts Of
his countrymen.
u. s. Grant.-First in drinking, first
in smoking, and last in the hearts of
his countrym men.
look heah, Pete. "said know
ing darkey, "don't stand dar on de rail-
road" "Why Joe ?" ssKase if de cars
see dat mouth OF yourn oping, dey will
take it for de depot and run rite into it,
sure.'
- "Does the razor take hold well?"
inquired barber who was shaving a
gentleman from the country.
"Yes," replied the customer with |
tears in his eyes, sit takes hold firstrate |
but does not let go worth a cent"
--''I wander into the depths of the
forest" says Sambo, ''and nature was
as lady going to de wedding. De
leaves glisten on the maple tree like a
new quarter dollar i'm de missionary !
box !: de sun shone as brilliant as rah-
bit in a parsley garden; and lie little
bell tinkled softly and unsteady in the
distance"
An editor recently alleged the
following as the cause of the death of a
lady.
.'rhe autopsy revealed extensive car
diac disease, hypertrophy complicated
with aneurism of the aOra just below its
bifurcation." The deceased ladies' hus-
band was almost driven mad in trying
to comprehend the real cause of death,
when doctor ut in and saved his
sanity, by CONSIDERABLY telling him it
was heart disease.
- An eight hour day man, in go
ing home the other night to supper, fOun
his wife sitting in her best cloth IS OIL
the front stoop, reading a volume of
travelsr SHOW is this, he exclaimed.
"Where ismy supper?""I do not KNOW"
replied the vile. III began to get
breakfast at six O'Clock this morning,
and my eight hours ended at two p. M"
He thought it very good joke, but
don't care about her keeping it up"
- 81 dreamed dream the other
night when everything was still
dreamed / saw old Belzebub a coming
down eAhill. My printers bill was
in his paw, and blood was in his eve
says he, young man your sweazle' draw
or else prepare to die. | gazed old
Sooty in the face, and read the only j
chance to avail myself of saving grace. {
,1toaS pay up in Advance.
There is a moral in this dream.
- An ecstatic lover thus appeals to
his tenderhearted dulcinea for parting
smack.
s.Tcrrbly tragical and sublimely re-
tributive will be the course pursued by
me, If you do not instantaneously place
Thy sweet alabaster lips to mine and
,nrapture my immortal soul By imprint.
NO angelic sensations of divine bliss
Ipon indispensable members of the hui
nan pnsiogomy, and then kindly con-
descend to allow me to take my depart
ire from the everlasting sublimty of Il
by thrice glorious presence Nancy
ainted. =
- John Randolph was one of the
most sarcastic men that ever lived
)ne time young man attempted to
make his acquaintance. He obtained =,
N introduction, and among the first re- ]
marks, said "a
II passed by your house, lately, Mr.. p'
=,
~ hope you always Will" was the re- in
'ly.
Another one twitted him as to his n
want of education. i
1.-The gentleman reminds me-" said
randolph, ''of the lands at the hea of
he Montgomery, which are poor by ma
ure but ruined by cultivation"
-. A gentleman was trout fishing
N the sides of "Old Saddleback," a
in tae interior of Maine,
hundred miles from the coast. Sup
,osing himself ten miles from village
nd half as far from house, he was sur n
rised by hearing the blows of an axe. n
oon he came to small clearing, where i
he landlord OF the axe surveyed him Is
18th some curiosity.
"Halloo, stranger Z" said he. OF
"How are you sir 2" :
"Well, Eow, stranger, where be you Y
'om ?'' v
"I'm from New York" %
From New York Why | should =
INK you would hate to:llve SO. far away -
ON nOme."