Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-05-15
w,se. and S,tiserxyfsc.


A Minnesota editor weighs 6l2
pounds. I A heavy writer surelys
A man In New Hampshife craN Icti
d quarterof D mile In satisfaction OF
am election bet. VIZ ~
A cotemporary alludes to the 'rare'
acting of lady Mt one of our thea
tres. 1t is too rare by half.
Because-a young man Is seen With
q bfick sin his shatit doesn't follow
that-Ae is q runnerfOr mason. -.
The vice principals of the New
York grammar schools have decided
1t to be inexpedient to quit fogging
children.
An orphaned Boston, hsifess wpftb
800, 600, has Just married an irish
lad whose od-looking face Is his
fortune.
A nrnrriageT on horseback took
place ia front of one Of the stores, on
the public square, at Otterville, Coop
er county, Mo-, few days since.
"The papers are all talking about
Weston's feat said an old lady yes
terday. Does it require any great
feet to walk as fast as he does 20
A Western editor says that in
smoky Pitsburgh men Kiss eacll otlf.
er's wives, and are able to tell whicil
Is their own only by the taste.
A half-witted fellow recently join
ed the army of the Lord at the So
iicitation of an eloquent minister,
and then coo1ly asked for his bounty.
Tt is proposed to form society i'm
Boston for the prevention of cruel
ty to animals. This will not, it is
understood, apply to hen. peckcd
husbands.
Between Memphis and Nashville is
the following Inscription on sign
boardCat railroad crossing: "Isook
out for the Ingine when the WHSLE
bloes or rings"
An eccentric clergyman lately said
In one of his sermons that "about the
commonest proof we have that man
is made of clay is the brick so often
found in his hat"
A California editor says he lately
metagfa,nmarian whohad Just made
tour through the mines cogitating
thus: positively mine compare
tive, miner; snperlatiye, minus ~.
Thefnvehtory Of the d.oussoda of a
Boston bride, recently published,
made mention of twelve dozen
handkerchief, not one of which
would do service for cold in the
headot - NJ "
s'Mynheer, do you know for what
we call our boy Hans?n
REALLY, / do net ltnow''
well I'll tell you. Der reason
We call our boy Hans, that IL Ilis
name.p
The funniest incident that has
transpired is the case of q doting
mother, who, being satisfied that her
child omerited aaiiiogging, first had
him placed under the .iffiuenee''of
choioroIorm. 81 sHs - 85oiz 4islrT
One Of our exchanges From the far,
West eniigiiteus its readers bySin-
Worcester, author of alarge sized die
tionary, and Inventor of Worcester
shire sauce, Is deceascd.ne. Z ID
Samuel Dugan, a greenborn from
Pennsylvania, stopping i'm Davenport,
on~retiring to bed, blew out the gas,
and but for the porter, who climed
over the transom and opened the
doors and windows, would soon have
suffocated.
The Bangor Whsgf mentioned that
there is an absent minded man in
that city, who met his own son in
the street the other day, shook hands
with him, inquired after his health,
then asked when his father. was ex-
pected home,
T}ieLondon Repie,o Is Of the opin-
ion that there are plenty of young
men with whom the spending OF
money isa positive. disease, and that
women are accused very unjustly of
of being extravagant. 1t says that
men are as rule "far more so.'
"Why don't you. get married pr
said young lady the other day to q
bachelor friend. al have been try
ing for the last ten years to find some
one who would gbe silly enough to
have Ihe,'f was the replys az guess
You haven't been up our way she
smilingly said. - >
Thirty conductors have been dis
charged within q few days by the
Third Avenue Railroad Company, in
New York, on account ofEa discrep-
ancy between their count of the
number of passengers and the enum-
Grafton made by detectives employed
for The. purpose. -. -. -
One OF Bucllanan's cabinet, ten
years ago, sent an advertisement to q
New York paper, with orders for its
insertion until the department dirct-
ed IL stopped. The directions was
never sent, and the paper has lust
forwarded bill of several thousand
dollars to the department. for collec-
ton. re- ~ II
A Boston apothecary's assistant re-
Gently put up prescription, and
found that his customer had passed
ON him a counterfeittwenty-fve cent
piece and FIVE cent bit. He told
his employer. Never mind,n said
the phffisophic Yankee "If the five
cent bit Is good there's clean profit
ofthree cents. csSES 4 NO
A young man in discussion the
other evening commented i'm this
way on Pocahoht as: !, 9 Poealipntas
was o greAti mantsR 5cahontasj MAS a
noble, kind hearted and true man. -
"Hod onp cried his companion,
"Pocahontas was woman" ''She
was ell! Well that's Just my luck /;
how am 1 expected, to know? /
never read the Bibie.p
A gentleman travelling through
one of the rural precincts off, certain
country a few days since, rode up to
n farmhouse and thus accosted a
tow-headed Urchin who was seated
upon the top of a gate post: "Bub
where's yonr pa?n The youngster
replied: "Pap's just gone down
there beyont the cow-shed to dig
q grave to bury tho old dog Towscr.
The darred old food killed himselfa
barkin' at candidates for sheriff.
Be you one ?" Our friend rode on.
AN ARMY CoNTRAcT.-Boot- black
hoy to returned soldier--"Black your
boots, sir, make 'en shine p"
Look at his unpublished "gunboats"
IN q contemplative way, the war
worn veteran replied: well I
don't care If | do-fail in promptly
though.n rIspa II .tsa5 Nm,
The urchin gazed on the soldier,
and then turning to a comrade near
by, shouted out: at say, Bill, lend
as q hand, won't syer2 1--we got an
A very little boy, after giving ev-
ervhodv n mood nioiat kiss knpalad