Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-08-14

s kflCN SOl d W ilOiS iull " uCl bliC
secured Frank Blair.
One Of our exchanges suggests thai
the most appropriate design for {
Seymour illumination is a coloreC
orphan asylum OH fire.
An editor at the South has purcha
sed race horse at the expense of two
Thousand dollars for the purpose o.
catching his runaway subscribers.
An exchange contends that not
withstanding the innocence of the
fair sex, while the present style Of
head dress continues in vogue, their
gilt Is very manifest.
When lady INDUCES in yawn
or two, gentlemen are justified In
guessing their hat is needed on their
heads, and that the best side of the
door is the outside.
Upin Vermont they have a DISCUS
ted Democrat, who says that he has
nn old Bell and Everett tickle: slowed
away at his house, and he is going to
vote it at the coming election.
TO make little boys trowsers last
When you make suit of clothes fol
them, finish the coat FIRST, and by do.
ing so you will make the trowsers
last. 1t is the only way the thing
can be done.
A bachelor sea captain, who was
renlarking one day that he wanted
good chief officer, was promptly
informed bv lady present, thai she
had no objections to be his first mate.
10 In nj nd hn lnI
The Chicago Post says: ".There is
q hiatus in Grants history, say the
Democrats. That may be. but it is
nothing compared with the hiatus Inc
made in the Democrats at Vicksburg
in 1863, and at Appomattox in 1865.
A rural contemporary, in an obitu.
airy notice of q friend, says: HE was
all that those who knew best could
wish. He left behind him blessed
memory and seven thousand dollars
i'm Government bonds.n Pathetic
and pecuniary
A printer, meddling with the YER
dict of a coroner's jury, struck out
d comma after the word "apoplexy,n
making it read thus: "Deceased
came to his death by excessive drink
ing, producing apoplexy in the minds
Of the jury" -..' g.. -.
George Francis Susan Pillsbury
Stanton Anthony is satisfied with
her reception before the Democratic
Convention. The Revolution will
Ego the whole hogn-Wade Hamp-
ton, Doolit.le, Forest, Dixon, Guam
trell, Blair, and all
The following epitaph in Penn
sylvania churchyard touchingly com
memorates the gluttony ola husband
and the grief of his widow:
ELIZA, sorrowing, rears this mar
bic slab
To her dear John, who died of eat
ing crab!
Among the innumerable puns on
The name of the Democratic candi-
date, which may he classed as passa-
pile, bad and Indifferent, is the follow
ing, embodied in toast for Demo
cratic barbecue: Heres to the old
Democratic hulk she needs but one
sea more to sink her."
The ruling passion strong in death
was enthusiastically illustrated on
the occasion of a clergy prayer
for a dying toli.keeper. The poor
man had not many hours to live, and
she clergyman was in the middle of
his prayer. whist Vice." inter.
rupued the toll-man. II think hear
a cart!"
Among the obituary notices of an
Ohio paper, we find the following ::
"Mr. William Jones of Malta town.
ship, aged eighty-three, passed peace
fully away, on Tuesday last, from
single blessedness to matrimonial
bliss, after short but sudden attack
by Alice Blossom, blooming widow
of thirty-fve."
Not long since, q gentleman tele-
graphed to friend, at Cleveland, an
interesting family affair as follows:
Sarah and the little one doing
we'll" The telegram reached it's des-
tination and read thus: "Sarah and
litter are doing WELL" The recipient
telegraphed back the startling query:
For Heaven S sake, how many ?"
"Hallow calculated an anxious
guardian to his lovely niece, as he
enerted the parlor and saw her in the
arms of a swain who had just popped
the question and sealed it with a
smack, whats the time of day
nowT II should think it was about
halfpast twelve" was the cool reply;
you see that we are almost one"
An exchange says: "Gen. Grant
and the Democracy have done great
deal of business together the past few
years. Gen. Grant has done the tam
ming and the Democrats have furn.
ished the hides They handed in
two more a few weeks ago--those of
Horatip Seymour and Frank u. Blair.
They will be done early in Novem-
ber."
A Democrat, while hearing the
Declaration of American thdepen-
dence read at the Fourth of July eel
ebration at Ridgeville, Ohio, where
it recites that ''all men are created
free and are endowed by their Crea-
tor with certain inalienable rights,
among wuich are life liberty and the
pursuit of happiness" turned upon
his heel and walked away, muttering
that he "wOuld not listen to any such
a id abolition speech as that
The jamestown, Ohio, Journal tells
of a gawky who saw for the first
time school girl going through her
gymnastic exercises to the amuse-
ment ofthe little ones at home. AT
ter gazing at her with looks of inter-
est aud COMMUNICATION for while, he
as Led boy near by "if that gal had
fits?" mo-" replied the lad, con-
tie nptuously, chats gymnastics.
"Oh, tits hey ?" said verdant, "and
hoo tong has she had en-" 1871.
A Wisconsin paper says During
q fierce thunder storm near Mount
Desert, the lightning came down
through the roof of house and q bed,
throwing the man out of bed. thence
into the cellar and out through the
drain, and then plowed up the ground
to the barn-yard, where it Killed
cow
There is farmer i'm Jones County, |
so The ARdBaosd Eureka affirms-
who will vote for Seymour and Blair. |
and who supports bis determination |
by the declaration that "the meanest |
most contemplate thing them fell |
lows down to Congress have done |
was to send lot of bureaus to them |
freedmen down South :"
Still worse. ..aa5r.
The OReidu IN. W Dispatch says:
1.-The public acts Of Horatio Seymour /
are as pure as heaven" If the wri- /