Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-03-06

NJ owrs xHsxprrH.

"LuCile."
NJ OWEN MnRxprTH.
We may live without conscisncs ana live
We may live Without friends. We may i've
nut civilized men cannot live without cooks.
lie may 1--we without books--what 10 knowi.
Hc may live Without hope-whst il hope but
He may i've withou. love-whatis 10 passion bus
But where I: the man tina. can i've without
Things Wise 81 Othertvise.
Why IL tired man like AT, umbrella?
Because he IL used up.
sc. Paul sent $4,000 rat skins to Eu-
rope last mouth.
Don't despise small things. Recol-
lect you were one OF them once.
A philosopher has discovered that
men don't object to be over rated, or.
cept by the assessors.
An exchange suggests that when
Utah ID admitted Unto the Union IL
shall be called the State of Matrimony.
A Nappy thought. t.-Why Ia freedom
Of the press i'm asleep in France7 Be-
cause its under the influence of the Sec
ond Nap.
A Kansas editor claims for his wife
the credit of having introduced base
bawl clubs In tlrut state. She had twins
lately.
A lad in French prison has made
q watch that keeps perfect time out OF
straw. An effort Ii to he made TO secure
his freedom.
Senator Morton has received over 6uo
letters congratnlating him on his great
speech. The Senator's health 10 great
iy improving.
The mother of family In New York
city, unable To pay her rent, had her
hair cut off. and sold II TO produce the
means OF satisfying the debt.
Young Steele, the oil millionaire,
whose Income three years ago waA S2,-
00U u day, IN now said to be u teatnster
at the oil works he once owned.
A Cincinnati housekeeper last week
advertised "a girl wanted He found
the article on his doorstep Monday
night. wrapped in blanket, and adop-
ted IL.
There 10 a young woman I'm Batavia,
N. T.. who can play twu airs ON the pie
anO with her right hand. Cne with her
left, and sing fourth, oil ut the same
time.
A New York letter writer SAYS there
are fully ten thousand young lnen In
that city between tile ages of 25 and as
who remain bachelors because they
can't afford to marry.
A doctor has been lectnring around
the country on "a disease called Love"
lie recommends niatrimony as n certain
cure. some persons who have taken
the medicine find IL worse than the dis.
ease.
Alexander III. Stephens, Vice -Presi.
dent oft the late Confederacy, has avow.
cd his preference for Mr.. Johns,n ~ d
Presidential cafIdldate. "He is," says
Mr.. stephens, 1.-The best half way man
can see.n
Another Juvenile:
Father, / don't like the Bishop.''
why, my clild?n
Because he sprinkled water all over
my new dress, and said, 'Fanay dcs.
pise thee"
"Clara, did poor little Carlo have
pink ribbon round his neck when you
lost him ?"
him p"
"No not exactly, but here's piece of
pink ribbon In the sausage"
The following laconic note was sent
to Secretary stanton by Senator Sum-
az od faf fxnar ha fr.r 49, tasx A.
War Once:
Senate Chamber. Feb. 81.
Sincerely yours.
CHARLES SUMNER"
Olive Logan tells of q suffering SOUTH
ern woman who "had not eaten bite
for nearly four years, and had not slept
O wink since the first gun WAS fired ON
SUMTER who received Sl3 from some
charitable ladies In New York, and i'm.
mediateiy satisfied the terrible gnaw-
inKs of hunger by the purchase OF
point lace collar at Stewards.
The Boston Transcript pithily says:
.'Think of Washington, John Adams,
Thomas Jefferson. Andrew Jackson,
as Presidents Of the United States, giv-
ing interviews TO reporters to inform
sdbCui VI tHN 0PiItlUi huu ACTS Ol tuGlT
Cabinets, with view to disparage be.
fore the public q gallant soldier who
led the nation on 10 victory over trea-
sou, and you get some idea Of the dis
grace that has fallen upon this country
In being obliged to tolerate the present
occupant Of the White House.
A learned counselor, I'm the middle Of
an sffeisting appeal I'm court on q Sian.
der suit let fly the following flight Of
genius:
Islander, gentlemen, like q boa con-
strictor of gigantic size and immeasur-
able proportions, wraps the coil of its
unwfeldy body about Its unfortunate
victim, and needless of the shrieks Of
agony that come from the Utmost depth
of Its victims soul. loud and reverber-
ating as the mighty thunder that rolls
I'm the heavens. 1t finally breaks Its un-
lucky neck upon tlIe iron wheel OF
public opinion. forcing him To desper-
ution. then to madness, and finally
crushing him In the hideous Jaws or
mortal death. Judge give us q chaW of
tobacco
An Awful Muddl0.