St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1868-12-18

proving that In Adam all fell, till hls
hearers wish that he had fallen clear out
OF their acquaintanceship.
This ecclesiastic gives his time to con-
troversy, and his matin and vesper are,
''Blessed be the Lord, who teacheth nv
hands to wgr and my fingers to fight"
Such persons were sound asleep that
Christmas night when the angel song fell
to the hills, ''Peace ON earth, good will
to men," We have been watching for
tile horns TO come out on their forehead.
They are the rams and the he-goats
They feel that they were appointed from
eternity TO stick somebody, and they
beat Samson in the number of Philis-
tines they slay with the same weapon.
They go TO the Bible as toemen to Spring
field ArmorJ or Troy Arsenal, demand
lug 50 many swords, rifles, and colum-
b!ads. They were made in the same
mould as Morrissey, the pugilist, and
should long ago have been sent to Con-
gress. Like Nebuchadnezzar, they have
claws, and, like him, ought to 90 to
grass. In the day when the lamb and
the lion lie down together, we fear these
men will be out with Il pole trying TO
stir up the animals.
Here are brethren who devote them
selves 10 the explaining of the uncxpIain-
able parts OF the Scripture. JonaIl's
whale comes Just in time to yield them
whole barrels OF blubber They can ex-
PLAIN why it was that Jonah was not di-
sested by the whale. The gastric Juice
having no power TO act upon living
BODY, it did not dissolve the iibrine or
coagulated albumen into chyme, and con-
srquently it could not pass the pyluric
orIticc OF the stomach. Beside. this WAS
an Intelligent whale, and probably knew
that he had swallowed minister who
had a call 10 NIneveh, and never had
any intention of turning him into whale,
but rather 10 prepare him for that class
OF ministers who are lachrvmosr, and on
all occasions disposed 10 blubber We
have heard men explain this miricle by
natural laws until we felt ourselves at
tackled bv the same sickness that disturb
ed the leviathan of the Mediterranean
when he suddenly graduated the proph-
ct; and we felt sure that if, in an un-
guarded moment, we had swallowed a
Jonah, he would have had good pros
pect, OF speedy deIiverance.
Our expounder must also explain the
ass that spake 10 B,laam. The proba-
biIty Is that the animal had originally
been endowed with powers Of vucaliza-
ton, but being OF a le;hargic tempera-
ment, had never until that day found
sufficient induccmcnt 10 express himself
the probability being that this animal al
ways retained the faculty OF speech. and
wa- married, and tina, he has long line
OF descendants, who still, like the one ot
the Scriptures, are disposed to criticize
ministers.
Here is another brother who drvotes
forty Sundays Ot the year to the Apoca-
lyPse. He has put his lip to ali the
trumpets and examined all the vials.
lie understands them all. He reads the
history OF the present day in Revelation,
ani finds there Louis Napoleon, Bismark,
Abraham Lincoln, and Gen. Grant.
With others the continuous theme j.
We have wrecked too many
sermon, and lectures Oh ill-yentilated au-
dIcncc rooms not to understand the value
Ot pure air We have more vcncratiou
Tor every other antiquity than tor stale
air. Atmosphere that has been bottled
up Tor weeks is not quite equal to balm
OF Thousand Flowers" Give Us an old
log across the stream to sit on, rather
than an armchair in the parlor thai is
opened chiefly on CHRISTMAS and Thanks /.
giving days. While waiting for this
years turkey 10 get Drowned, We do not
want TO smell last years. There are
church Easements SO foul that we think .
sCme OF those who frequent them for de- I
votlon get sooner to the end of their
earthly troubles than they would if there |
were less dampness in the walls; some
ot them suffering from what they sup
pose 10 be too much religion, when it is |
nothing but winG-colic Still we NAV
put TOO long Il stress upon ventilatlon /
Here is u man who sits with the doors
open, and while yeur teeth are chatterlng
with cold, descanIs on the bracing wealth
er lie sleeps with all his windows up
with the thermometer below zero His |
prescription for all the worlds diseases is |
fresh ar. And it the case be chronic,
and stubborn, and Yields not to the first
course of treatment, then-more fresh
air. If the patient die under the pro-
cess, the adviser will say, This con-
firms my theory. Don't you see the
difficulty! His only want was capacity
to take in the air."
Pride Ot' ancestry is with others the
chief mania. Now we believe in royal
blood. 1t is a grand thing to have the
right kind of kindred. There is but lit
tie chance for one badly born. If we
belonged to some families that we know
of, we would be tempted at once to give
ourselves up TO the police. But while
lar from despising family blood, we de-
plore the fact that SO many depend en-
IireIy upon heraldry. They have not
been in your company a minute before
they begin to tell you who their father
was and their mother The greatest
honor that ever happened to them was
that of having been born. 1t is a con-
graduation that there was but one me-
chanic in their line, and he eped build
the first steamboat They were no pos
Sible relation to one Simon, tanner.
The only disgracetul thing in their line,
as far back as they can trace it, was that
their first parents in Paradise were gar
deners. There was big pile Of money
somewhere back, coat Of arms, and
several fine carriages. They feel sorry
for Adam, because he had no grandfath-
er. To hear them talk you would sup