Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-08-11
WOrtS.

w no IS the IaSteSG WOulau ih0HeioU
Bible? Herodias-who got head OF John the
Baptist on charger.
A wag suggests that suitable litanical res.
ponse for many city choirs would be, ~ LORD!
have mercy on US, miserable singers
ssWe're in pickle now" said man in
crowd. "a regular jam" said another, ~,
heaven preserve u.s. mourned an old lady.
One of the points of difference between a
christian and a cannibal is, that one is supposed
to enioy himself and the other enjoys other peo-
pie.
AWestern editor requests OF his subscribers
who owe him more than six years subscription,
to send him lock of their hair so that he may
know that they are still living
A wolf. SAYS Plutarch, peeping into a hut
where lot of shepherds were regallng them
selves with joint of mutton, exclaimed
"What clamor these men would have made,
had they caught me at such a banquet.
An old Jew while indulging in morsel of
forbidden food, was overtaken by terrible
thunder storm, and as the thunder roared and
the lightning flashed around, he cried-.Plesh
nv soul, vot pother apouta leetle pit OF bork
Never be so rude as to say to man, ''There
is the door; but say, elevate your gogotha to
the summit of your perlcranlum, but allow me
to present to your ocular demonstration that SCI
enti6c niece of mechanism which constitutes the
egress portion Of this apartment.
A LADY asked gentleman for his CIPHER, and
he sent her the following reply:
You a but [ thee .-r'-i
OOno but o 0 me 5ee
Then let my thy be,
And give 0 0 I thee.
Il l. L 4.
ergies were taxed by the huge shoes Of PR
vate Just returned from the war. The little fell
low kneeling down looked over his shoulders at
a comrade and exclaimed Lend me spit,
Jim, have got an army contract.
An exchange says: 'Our member of Con-
gress is smart sort Of chap, and is doing him
self credit He has already got off two speech
es prepared for him, ground seven of the dis
trict axes, feathered his nest freely, and prom
ised to marry the prettiest widow in town. "
We like to hear people tell good stories while
they are at it. Read the following from late
Western paper:
''In the late gale birds were seen hopping
about with their feathers blown off. We have
heard of gales at sea where it required four men
to hold the captain hair on.
GOOD PILLs--I never hav used eny ov Doc
couraging pills, and therefore can't tell yu how
influential they am, but eff you are looking at
ter pill as mild as pet lamb, and as search
in as fine toothcomb, buy DR.. Ringbone's 81
lent perambulators, 26 in box, sold by all res
pectable druggers.
These pills don't phool round, but attend to
business, and are as good in the ded of night
as an alarm clock
Horace Mann used to tell capital story of a
conversation he once had with an inmate Of the
lunatic asylum at Worcester, whose peculiar
mania resulted from an inordinate development
of the bump of sefesteem.
Whats the news, sir? Has anything unu-
sual happened of late, sir? inquired he, with
a consequential air.
Mr.. Mann happened to recollect that furi-
GUS wind storm had occurred few days previ
Gus, gave him some account of it, mentioning
that on the sea coast it was very severe, several
vessels having been driven ashore and wrecked,
with the loss of many lives.
Can you remember sir, what night in the
week all that happened? ?" eagerly inquired the
listener
Mann said Tuesday night.
'Ah - said the lunatic, with an air of solem-
nifty, mingled with triumph, and lowering his
voice to whisper, Il can account for it, sir !
That was the night [ whistled SOL