The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1868-01-22
SOME ACCOUNT OF VIOLA.
CHAPTER III.

/ In my last / may have calculated little
closely, on some of our sources of wealth.
In estimating our clay, ought to have re-
served little corner of the plat to put the
houses on; which would take somewhat
from the number of brick we are worth.
But on the other hand omitted to enumer-
ate the items, of vast contingent wealth,
in the shape of possible metals, and precious
stones, such as flint for glass, iron, copper,
silver, gold, platina, sulphur, diamonds, &c !;
of which all countries have some as we'll
as chalk, saltpetre, and soap mines; posi-
BILE everywhere. So letting one account
balance the other, our statement approaches
very near the truth.
The principal products OF the place are
rabbits, sorghum, hooppoles, cabbage, black
beans, cordwood street yarn, gas, &c. The
place is beautifully situated on the cross
roads, and commands fine view of the sky,
and other adjacent regions, when no clouds
intervene. As the earth rolls round, with
Viola on its surface, it comes to pass, that it
is noon here, at precisely twelve o'clock !;
and every clock stops the moment the run
ming weight strikes bottom. The watches
all run down hill here; thus adding new
proof of the law of universal gravitation
1t is also remarked, that when the sun
shines, it is warmer on the south side of a
barn than on the north--the wind being ia.
vorable. This is thought to throw some
light on the theory that heat increases as
the latitude decreases. Potatoes grow with
| the bulb in the ground thus saving them
| from being sun burnt. Babies cry.
The inhabitants are shrewd, stirring, in
quisitive, and enterprising people and would
long ago have made of Viola, a vast and
| magnificent city, rivaling in magnitude and
| splendor, the exhumed greatness of ThebeS,
| and Ninevah, and Persepolis, but for too
| rank outgrowth of their enterprise in
which they resemble, and share the misfor-
| tunes of the showman's dog, who under
took to jump over an open well at two jumps.
1t Is said the dog would actually have accom-
| plished the feat, but unhappily, he cared, at
| the end of the first jump. The founding Of
modern Viola, like that of many other cities
| was almost purely accidental. At first sight
there was no other inducement than the
| cross roads, and the log ruin on Loyal Ave
! nue.. But some twelve years ago, some
| learned philosophers found by actual survey,
| that the present site Of Viola is the center
| OF the worlds surface. These surveys prov
| ed the facts, that we are twenty-five miles
| from Oneida, twenty five miles from Gales
| burg, twenty-five miles from Monmouth,
-.
| ty FIVE miles from Rock Island. Now, that
| which is twenty-five miles from all places, is
the physical center of every place. Its no.
| sllon, as commercial center, is demonstra-
bic by the following syllogism, to wit: All
| commercial cities seek trade away from
home. Viola is away from every CONNER
cial city. Therefore, every commercial city
seeks trade at Viola. But the place at which
every commercial city seeks trade, is the
center of commerce. Wherefore Viola is
is the center of commerce. Q. +. ID.
As soon as this discovery was made. it
was easy to see that. from here, as a radiant
point, must start all the grand railroad and
telegraph lines. Acting on this hypothesis,
tour main lines, corresponding to the cardi-
nal points, were chartered and duly laid out
One beginning at Viola, and running 10 the
north pole; and one from Viola to the south
pole: one from Viola to sunrise, and one
from Viola to sunset.
The south pole road is suspended, to set
tie some conflicting claims, set up BY Pin
hook, knipandtuck, and other pretenders to
metropolitan honors. The roads to sunrise
and sunset were begun under favorable aus
pices, aud with unsurpassed zeal and energy:
and the thing would no doubt have been nc.
compiished long ago, had not the contractors
met suddenly with the unhappy misfortune
of the showmans dog, and caved on the
hrst jump. However, on dredging this open
well of oblivion, a fortunate disinterment
was made. And should there be any virtue
In the recnperative powers of English beef.
we may hope TO see the second jump sue
cessfully achieved. sometime during the next
decade. Then Viola will enter properly
upon her commercial greatness. The At
lantic cable will be our continuation east
ward, and probably one will be stretched
across the Pacific, for our extension west
ward, in case railroad bridge cannot be
built to span that important water.
The government of Viola is strictly popu-
lar, thus resembling some of the oldest and
best attempts at government. We have no
aldermen. nor mayor, nor any of that NUM-
cipal clap trap usually assumed by upstart
towns. The people meet, and each one has
his say, and that is the end. We go for uni
versal sufrage-every one for himself, dis.
carding the old representative practice en-
tirely. Your readers may fear for the sue
cess of such primitive policy, but could
they only see us, on some nice sunny DAYS,
sitting on the store-boxes, jack-knife in hand,
discussing, in committee of the whole, the
state of affairs generally, your doubts would
dlsperse. Here the loudest mouth takes the
councils ear, and the loudest wind keeps the
floor. So everything is done in order, and
nothing remains undecided, from the last
church scandal to the sick here, or the last
garter, or the dropt stitch in the toe of
stocking. Consequently street yarn becomes
valuable commodity as the basis of action
in the council. And for the due spread of
ITS decisions, telegraphs have been estab-
ilshed, SO that every one knows the affairs
on MS nelghbor as soon, and often sooner, than
himself; BY these excellent arrangements,
YOU Will see that no police force is needed.
as everything Is reported to the council as
soon, and often little sooner than it oc-
ours.
We have none but loyal persons here.
Indeed, the very dogs have a loyal twang to
their bark; and, speaking of bark. the little
hickories about here are so for the Union.
that they never loosen their bark in lime
and the boys can't get hickory whistle ON
the whole plat. We have three or fopr
stores, averaging from one to two horse.
power. We have good school house and
tavern, several blacksmith shops, and a
number ofdwellings, besides some that have |
never been built. We have two groceries.
Both 60 by steam. We have two good
churches, built by our people; but we can't
now tell your readers who was chief contrib |
utor. They were built on the old fogy plan |
OF not letting the left hand know what the |
right hand had done, and the substitution |
hst.H ever there was one, is lost. Our friends |
at Presumption are more fortunate than ne
Thay have 1ot thar Ill