Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-07-07
Foe EOOtS.

Misunderstanding Lent sermons,
Sheet music-the cry of children In bed.
Words that burn-reiected communications
Recti6ed spirits-Spirits of reformed drunk
ards
A moor cook-one that kneads dough and In
struction at the same time.
The two points ladies most hke-Pont lace
and the point OF admiration.
The mariner compass has done some OF the
most important needlework in the world.
There is nothing wonderful in the fact that
man on bender invariably goes crooked
A Louisiana freedman questioned as to his
oca said he couldn't tell, but he had double
gran-chillen.
IRE iabers an me stomach thinks me throat
is cut." cried an Irishman who hadn't tasted
any food for day.
What is the difference between pill and a
hill? Ones hard to get up, and the other
hard to get down.
The good easy man who takes things as they
come was little too careless and took some
thing which didn't belong to him.
ssOh, auntie!'' make Freddy behave himself
Every time hit him on the head with pa s
cane, he makes such an ugly face and bursts
out crying.
A Young lady gives the following catalogue of
different kinds of love The sweetest a moth
er's love- the longest, a brothers love; the
dearest a man love; and the sweetest, long
est strongest, dearest love, love OF bonnet.
The sons of the late Emperor of Austria got
into quarrel In the height Of passion one OF
them said to the other you are the greatest
ass in Vienna" Highly offended at their quar-
reling before him. the Emperor said: You
forget that am present.
An exhorter at Methodist revival became
rather indignant because brother was his su-
perior in praying and singing. So he got up
and said: Brother D. can sing and pray !;
but, by the blessing of God, there S one thing
can beat him in, | can fiddle his shirt off -
The Atlanta correspondent of Georgia pa
per tells of chap who came down from one of
the upper counties, and encountered man
with hand organ covered with green CLOTH
The man began to turn. and the countryman
put down quarter, which the other immedi-
ately took up. Down went another, which
shared the same fate and then another The
stranger, finding his pile getting low, turned
to bystander and asked Mister, what sort
oil a game is this, anyhow?
A Snow SONG -AIR-We Gather Shells
One winter day, with careful foot, [ wandered
Ger the slippery way The snow in balls be-
meath my boot made it a task upright to stay.
And so | wadded in my walk, | jostled every
one | met; so that some, in familiar talk, re-
marked, ''he's very tight, you bet!' [Repeatl
stopped and stood upon one leg with cane to
clear my hampered tread but as [ stopped a
boy did peg another snow ball at my head
And thus, | said as down my neck [ felt the
melted snow ball run, we gather balls and little
reck where er they go or whence they come.
Mr.. B., well known Baltimore printer once
sud that on one occasion an old woman from
the country came into his printing office with
an old Bible in her hand. Il want, said she,
you to print it over again. It's gttin little
blurred, and my eyes is not what they used to
was. How much do you ak?
Fifty cents. -
Gan you have it done in half an hour? I
wish you would-want to be gettin home-ive
a good way out Of town.
Certainly.
When the old lady went out, he sent around
to the office OF the American Bible Society,
and purchased copy for fifty cents. 'Lor
sakeS massy y exclaimed the old lady, when
she came to look at it, "how good you We fix d
IL! IL Z cli dlilOol DIS SUOu DIS new l. never
saw nothing so curious as what printers is -
A watchful mother, on looking for missing
key found it in the possession of her son, who
was bound On kite-fiying expedition.
Why, my son, what are you doing with that
key?' .
''Tie it to my kite-string?"
'What for?' --l --- +
why, didn't old Ben Franklin tie key to
his kite string and catch lightning?'
The mother intimated that however it might
be about the lightning, he might expect to
catch thunder when his father come home.
All you who know young Sniffkins are aware
he married old Miss Blod gett for her money
that he cannot touch it till she dies, and that
he treats her very badly on account of what he
calls her unjustifabe longevity. The other
day, Mrs. Sniffkins, finding herself unwell.
sent for doctor, and in the presence of her
husband and the doctor, declared her belief
that she was poisoned, and that he, Sniffkins,
had done it. nj m a...-L i , n -
81 didn do it, shouted Snifkins, s.it's all
CANNON, she isn't poisoned. Prove it, doctor.
rap her open upon On the spot-I'm willing
f;f HENS.
Hens Lands mo to rop,o~J- al.