The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1868-10-22
TEH DANDY.

After natur had finished the fnst man
and the fust woman, she had little ma
terial left at the bottom of her cups, and
not willing to waste anything, she MKT
the two remnants together, more for a
frolic than ennything else, just to see what
the compound would produce.
Throwing the mixture onto the Gieing
Goals, in a few minutes a half baked,
comikal creature lay smirking and minc-
ing before her.
This iz the way that the fust dandy
wuz made, and with bouquet in one
hand and looking-glass in the other,
Dame Nature turned him loose into the
world to root
The consuukshun of this creature Of
remnants il peculiar.
A dissection of q dandy, in the thir
teenth century, revealed the akt that his
heart resembled pin cushion. having no
cells, the interior of it being filled with
cotton batting and sawdust, and stuck
owl over the outside with rosetts, and
dead butter-fys, with pins through them.
Hiz head was divided into innumerable
little stalls, in each ov which wuz de-
posted, in solution, very small quantity
of brains, which ackted Independent of
each other.
One stall was devoted to kid gloves as
q science, another to fight boots, and q
third to colone water.
All his thoughts and affeckshuns are
divided between the fit Of hiz clothes and
admirashun ov them.
His ideas never grasp ennything strong
or than Phalon's last sensashun in per-
fumery his whole emotional natur finds
iis norrishment and counterpart in plate
of the last Paris fashion, hung up at
tailor's window.
The genuine dandy-one who knows
biz business-never falls in love with en-
nything but hiz looking glass his strong
estipashun IL admerashun he kant reach
the dignity of love.
To love requires both brains and
soul; and a dandy in love would be az
whimsical sight as butterfly kneeIing
at the feet ov a tulip.
Your real dandy il long lived bird
liz FASHIONS are weak, but regular, and
Ike 4 watch, the works and the case
wear out together.
Fe grows old like boquet, and IL
brisk, and in humor to the last.
Dandys have no courage, their pashuns
are mixture oy weak and delikate things;
they kant insult, ncr be insulted they
are rabbits among men, and among VIM
min, not bold enuff tew be feared, nor
useless enuff few be dispized.
There IL not one single trait in their
charakters, that | kan think of now,
highly commendibIe they are selfish
(and have right to be,) bekaUse they
haint got ennything to spare; their am
bishun haz no more glory in it than
scent bag.
Reverence implys faith, and dandy
haz no faith, but in the case of hiz hair
dresser, or taylor; meekness implys hope,
but hope in them IL nothing but emascul-
nted impudence.
But while theze useless creatures lack
the yirtews ov life, they are seldum, or
never, giry ov enny'frst~class vices, they
go through life needless ov awl that IL
very good, or very bad, and when they
GIT reddy 10 die, it IL ov az little import
ance tew the world as the loss Of a cos
metic receipt, or a clever twist in
yeller neck tie.
Your genuine dandy seldom unites !;
he courts AS the humming bird duz among
he flowers, for honey, not a wife, and
thinks that his attacks are awi conquests,
but no sensible woman would marry him
emmy quicker than she would knowingly
take counterfeit money in change.
The world will never be rid ov the
dandy, there is SO many pincushon hearts,
and heads not made for brains, there is
50 much vanity that it is amply pleased
with dogs head on a bamboo cane,
there IL so much kindness in looking
glasses, there IL so much fragrance in be-
Ing pin feather king, for any evening
among silly hearts, that young dandys
will keep being born, and old dandys will
frisk in spite of their gout, or ennybody's
phiiosophy.-Josh Billings.