Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1868-04-07
NASBY.
The Newhampshire election-The Prep
aration for a Procession that did not
Take placei asg e asaa


l + + :
WAsHINGToN, d. c., March Is, 1868
Probably the happiest party witch
ever assembled in this vale of teers
wuz in the White House on the
night w the eleckshun in Moo
Hampsheer. 1t wuz gay and fes.
tive sceen. Hilarity rained. The
President, with an unwonted smile
onto his face, his nose shining with a
preternatcral brilliancy, his eyes
sparklin with lite that Good only
come from sole surcharged with
JOY and a skin tolerably full Nv whis
ky, walked up and down the room,
rubin his hands with glee that Good
not be repressed.
lis all prepared" asked Randall,
Nv humble lookin cuss that does a
share of his managin, Che wuz orig
inally paid by Mrs Cobb, but sence
her ontimely failyoor in biznis he is
allowed the earnins Nv one day in
each month nv a whisky inspector
in Moo York;, sis everything arrang
ed?''
f" 1t is, yoor Eggslcncy," ITO
these fellers all the high cficsrs are
Eggslencies)
rs the powder procured for one
hundred guns?"
at is, yoor Eggslence,
as the rockets drawed from the
Navy Department to be fred from
the different parts NV the city to
show spontaneous enthusiasm"
"They is, yoor Eggslency;"
"Hev tho Department clerks bin
notified that it wood be well for EN-
to gladly fall into procession when
His Eggslency the President is to be
serenaded, eff they desire to keep
Their places 2"
"They hev."
Hev the trensparencies bin paint
ed with the proper inscriptions :?
Did 700 see one inscribed: "Sinclair's
majority, 5000! Moo Hampshesr's
protest again impeachment ?"
They hev, and | did"
Then" said Randall, all is in
readiness. The brass bands l know
are in waitin, Stanbery writ the
Presidents speech this mornin, and
be hez it tolerabiy well by heart, and
the jollification must go off smooth
and pleasant"
At this moment the President APP
preached.
"Han sed he, . in one more short
hour Washington will be alive with
JOY, and the country will breathe
free. Moo Hampsheer hez spoken.
In hour we shell hev the glad intel
ligence that she hez bin tIoo TO the
constooshen ez | expound it-that
she hez rebooked Sumner and Ste
vens, and Wade, and SIGH, and sed in
thunder tones to the impious wretch-
es who wood, on me, pull down the
pliers nv the government, stay yer
franticidle hands, The thot over
powers me. Let's take suthin."
A half hour wuz spent in innocent
hilarity. The President showed the
thoroughnis Nv his reconversion TO
Dimocrisy by takin hisn strate, with
nothin in it, while Seward betrayed
his orijin and his consekent onreli-
ability by drinkin some kind of lite
wine with no more body into it than
WOOL be in watered cider.
"Confushun to Wade ; excIaim-
ed the President, holdin up his glass
and watchin the beads rise to the
surface with a pleasedaeye.
Moo Hampsheerl' sed Seward,
"may Connecticut carry forard the
work she hez SO gloriously begun"
"Our ofiises sed Randall, /" long
may we hold en-"
kentucky +" sed l, allus troo
tho all other states may desert Dim
ocrisy, Kentucky will be faithful
mong the faithlis found. Her dis
tillers attest her steadfastness to her
party obligashuns."
And in such toasts the thirty min
utes wore away.
A private SECRETARY entered.
"a dispatch from Moo Hamp,
sheer!"
" Hap' sed Randall, seizin il, "now
trembled Ablishnism quake Ste
vens, for your time is come Exalt
your horn, Dimocricy, for the reack>
shun is here Y
The gentle and trustful Secretary
opened it, read a moment, turned
pale, and fell faintin on the floor
Seward glanced at it and gaspin
=" This is the end Nv life, (Which he
intended for his last words), fell like,
wise PROSTATE. The Presiden,
snatched it from Seward hands and
tainted across the rest NV EN-, and
WelIes, seem the President faint, did
it becoz the President did, without
readin it, Welles takes physic every
time the President does,
snatched the dispatch and read
it myself, ez follows
ITO THE PREsIDENT-Its all up.
I'm dead duck. Hartman is
elected by about 3, 900. The reack,
shen got stuck in a notch nv the
White Mountins. Pray tor us.
SINCLAIR
Utterin stingin cuss at Dean and
Burr, and them fellows who had de-
ceived us into q belief that Moo
Hampsheer wuz safe, / sot about
bringin nv EN- TO. The President
wuz the longest comm out Nv the
faint. Sadly they ariz, one after am
other, their dejeckshun eontrastin
powerfully with the hilarity Nv a
moment atore.
Ringin bell, Randall sed TO the
slerk who answered it, ez follows
You may inform the bands that
it won't be necessary for them TO
longer wait. The men attendin the
artillery may retire to the bosoms
Nv their families, and those waitin
to be formed into spontaneous pro-
cessions may be dismissed. The
President has decided not to be SER
enaded to-nite
Just then a band wuz heard APP.
rFYrf a IN 4