Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1868-08-27
Ghpife Mlisfellany.
HOW ONE NAN FOUND A WIFE.


You viii remember was always con
sidered a very pretty boy, and in early
days, when we were all children, you
used TO say that L ought to have been ;
girl. When I was about twenty-ont
years old, was staying one long vaca
ton with some friends of mine in the
10th regiment, then quartered in Ire
land. In the regiment, there was a GER
tain Captain Dundee, who was rather /,
heavy, stupid fellow, though a pretty
good officer, and who prided himself upoI
being very sharp. He used to boas
that nobody could take him in, and tina
he would recognize person in any con
ceivable disguise. l was very intimate
with Captain Dundee, and so far from
thinking him very sharp. used to abus,
him for his stupidity, and was alway:
chatting him on the subject.
One evening at mess, when Captain
Dundee was not present, bets were mad,
that could not pass the evening in hi.
company dressed as a lady without hi
discovering the trick. / bet that coulC
do SO. Many officers took my side, anC
at last it ended in very heavy bets indeed
being made, not by me, but what wa
worse, by my friends, for felt that theil
losing or gaining almost fortune de
pended entirely on me. As the day
drew near, these bets were doubled.
quite trembled for the result. / NAV
mention that, though did not know it
almost all these bets were fictitious, and
only proclaimed for the sake of keeping
me up to the mark. In fact, those con.
cerned thoughtlessly wanted to have 8
. jolly lark, and were afraid of my back ing
out. AS it was, felt that about fifteen
thousands pounds in bets depended on
my getting through the evening safely
in my assumed character as young
lady. afai5 -E-'sf-
Captain Dundee had married young,
larky, care-for-nothing, stiek-at-nothing
Irish girl. L do not at all mean to say
that she was really bad; but, from
thoughtlessness, from a not over-refined
nature, and from very exhuberant, un
controlled spirits, che would rush into a
scrape, little thinking or caring about
the consequences, or how she was to get
out of it successful. The bet was, that
the first evening Mr.. Fenwick could get
an invitation for himself aud an imagi-
nary neice, Miss Fenwick to dine with
the Dundees, was to personate, or at
tempt to personate, the neice; and the
said bet, moreover, was to the effect that
I should successfully deceive Captain
Dundee till such time as the party sep
arated, however late the hour might be.
Without my knowledge Mrs. Dundee
was let into the secret; hence all my
trouble She in her wild Irish way, quite
entered into the joke, and at once deter
mined to make confusion worse con-
founded.
Very soon a note came, stating that
Captain and Mrs. Dundee requested the
pleasure of Mr.. and Mrs. Fenwick to
dinner in quiet way on the 10th inst
Only one or two brother officers were
eomming. The fatal day arrived, Re-
member, thought that thousands de-
pended on the result, and that Mrs.
Dundee was as ignorant as her husband
of my intended appearance. Imagine
me with profusion of false black curls;
a flower or two stuck here and there; no
end of lady's jewelry-rings, earrings,
brooch, &c.; thin muslin dress, with
high body; my face skillfully painted.
In fact, was altogether made up by a
frst-rate hand sent for from Doublin.-
Partly to keep up my courage and get
me up to the mark, and partly because l
knew that in my assumed character I
must not drink much wine, / imbibed a
considerable quantity before / started
L
small flask of brandy, with which r
hoped to keep up my spirits on the sly.
At table, 1 played my part well.
talked and fiirted, chatted about dancing
and SO forth, and protested I was mad
about balls. Poor wretch that 1 was,
wish had held my tongue; 1 was un-
Willingly rushing to destruction. IL
drank as much champaign as dared in
my assumed character, and thought
everyess;sg~-~sg al r-ssa sS1st I
my friends were quite sure to win their
money. Scarcely had the cloth been re-
moved when Mrs. Dundee said: i'I have
a pleasant surprise for you all, good peo-
pie. A few days ago, / received an invi-
tation from Sir George and Lady Clon-
NELL to call at their house this evening,
with permission to bring any of my
friends. Sir George lives twelve miles
,ff. Dundee has secured a large omni-
ous from the inn, and ordered four horses,
md We are to start at 9 o'clock. We can
III go together we shall have a jolly
,vening, and l am delighted to think
hat you will be able to enjoy yourself,
Hiss Fenwick.
Good gracious how my heart sank
within me. My bet held good till the
ime we all separated. My friends must
ose their money. could never get
through ball, 1 know said my dress
vas high, and would not do for ball.
My maid," said Mrs. Dundee, shall |
lress you in one of my evening dresses"
mo, that she shan't, - almost Shrek
d out If must go, will go just as
m. l am so delicate that the doctors {
will not allow me to wear low dress.n
Perhaps, dear, you would like her to
!ress your hair differently; she is very
lever, or to put another wreath on your
lead?n l.
"One; thank you, said 1; andlmost bit 6
erly did L inwardly abuse my luck, but ,
almost gasped: IF you had a spare /
oom where ! could wash my hands, and l
lst put my hair straight for myself, lit
hould be very much obliged" - 1 ! lc
/ was shown into a room, and sat q
own, the very picture, I am sure, of de- t
pair. 1t now began to flash across me y
90, that what was, to say the least, a /
ew larky brother officers, would be very v
ishonorable if practiced on society at L
arge; that it would be very wrong in
ne to go to bali at Sir Georges disguis- q
as a young lady; that / might get L
ITO some awkward scene; causing n
name and pain to some ladies' o dear il
was doubling whether 1 should be ta- b
en- suddenly ill. and have myself con-
eyed home; or whether 1 should send
'r Mrs. Dundee and make clean n
reast of it; little thinking that all the v
me the wretch knew my fix. But then s.
~ friends would lose fifteen thousand "
ounds. Q horriblel just at that mo- C
tent my hand unluckily touched the
ocket IN which was my flask; to pull it y
1T and drain 10 was only the work of n
lomept or two. My courage returned Il
oncei my spirits rose only too rapidly; ri
would go through with it, 1 would win. 81
y scruples vanished into thin air-I n
as not drunk but terribly excited. el
Soon the lady's maid entered with hot n
ater, brushes, &c. 1 remember 1 felt ii
cry much inclined to chuck her under
Ie chin, and asked her to get me some ISL
ore brandy on the sly. The mere ri
ought, however, steadied me at once al
it struck me how nearly 1 had made al
mess of the whole matter. 1 sat down E