The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1868-05-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

AN editor out west, who had served four
days as juryman, says, 81 am 90 full ofia@
that it Is with great difficulty that refrain
from cheating somebody"
A New YoRK state editor promises TO send
his So paper a whole year for one cent, bua
the joke comes in when we find be is paFti.
cular about the date OF the coin.
A CALIEoRNIA editor says he lately met n
grammarian who had Just made . tour
through the mines cogitsting thus; "PAi-
tive, mine comparative, miner; superiA-
tive, minus~
POPULAR ERRoRs.-That editors keep pub
lie reading rooms. That they have plenty OF
time to talS to everybody. That they aFs
delighted to get anything to al up the paper
with.
| Music HATH CHARMs.-LAndlndy-
sir, the foreign gent up stairs has got such
beautiful 'armonium. It's got over twenty
stops.
Inflicted Lodger-Wel, | dont doubt
your word, but Pve been listening to il 9
fortnight, ana haven't heard one Of 'em my.
SELF
A REVENUE assessor in Ohio, mking the
usual questions, inquired, "Did your wiss
have an income last yeart'' Yes" replied
the assessed, "she had twins-both girls"
! PoLIrk smoker at the side Of a railway
car: "Allow me to assist you 10 slight."
Severe old lady; Thank you, but nsrer
smoke"
"THE water cures no new invention"
said old Mrs. Smith, when she was advised
( TO " that remedy; "It's as old A. the de-
LUCE, and even then it killed more'nH
7 cured"
4 SOMEBODY thinks the marriage ceremony
should at present read thus:
4 Clergyman to Lady-Will you take this
I brown stone manson, this carriage and pair
Of diamonds for thy welded hrsbGndt
| Ans.-Yes.
4 Ciergymen to Gentleman-Will you take
this unpaid milliner bill, this chignon Of 70
reign hair; these affectionate accomplish
ments and feeble constitution for Thy wsddea
wlfet
Ans-Yes.
| Clergyman-Thenw what nan has joined to-
gether, let the mex. man run away with, 50
I that the next divorce court may tear them
ass1nder.
only son, would you suppose that the
LORDS Prayer could be engraved IN space
no larger than the area Of nickel lentf
I Well, yes, father if cent is 40 biz "a very
bodys eyes as il Is in yours, | think .Isrs
would be nc difficulty in putting ii on about
( rour times
A SLIP OF the tongue Is rcorded By q
Frencn paragrapbist. "A lady was enjoying
4 the society Of her husband, when the bell
rang and the servant announced "the doe
tori "Teli him am sick and cannos see
| him. was Madame's reply.
"WHY are old maids so devoted 10 their
cats ~ asked Young coxcomb OF an slider
ly lady. s'Because, having no husbands
thev take to the next most treacherols anl-
r.als," was the reply.
DRYDEE, on the night that one Of hia plays
/ was damned, was taking his walk rom tbs
theatre, when Be was met BY a soEsomb -
quaintance, who said "What, Dryden, mp
I boy | feel for YOU Can there be any
thing more shocking to poets feelings thaa
damned play n" "Yes, sir, q damned
fool" replied the poet.
AWnSEss. A Yankee having told m
EnglishmA1 that he shot on one partIe1lAH
occasion. nine hundred and ninety-nina
snipes his interlocutor asked him Why be
didn't make il thousand " once.
oNo.n said he, sits not Likely I'm going
to tell lie for one snipe."
Whcreupon the Englshman rather rilSd,
and determined not 10 be Outdone, beeal ~
tell long story Of man having swan froA
Liverpool to Boston.
sDid YOU see him ~ asked the Yankee.
"Wel, Of course | did. was coming
over, and our vessel passed him o nils ou.
Of Boston harbor."
"Well, Pm glad you saw him, stranger,
because yer witness that di1 Is. IhAA
was me-"
As old topper was heard the other deg to
advise young man To get married, ebeoAusA
then, my boy, you'll have somebody b Fnh
off your bouts when you 50 home drunk"
LIrTLE fellow was psrtskIng prsttg
largely Of the good things OF this life ct shs
dinner table, Immediately on his return troh
Sabbath School. His brother, after sye.ng
him for some time, sail: "Cnarlie If yOa
were to eat much more, and it should kAl
/, you, you would weigh so muea that the an
gels could not carry you 70 heaven" Little
six-year-old hesitated for q moment, ana
then looking up, replied; "Reil, i they
couldn't do it alone, God would send SsmP-
son down to help them.'
STORY OF Theodore Hook is told TO the
, effect that at a civic banquet, on the appc@y-
! ance Of fifth course OF da:nties, Hook lAii
down his knife and fork, and declared ha
would take the rest out 10 money.
THE Oxford Democrat tells Us q suTpsae
party in Albany, where young man, a. hin
e contribution TO the entertainment, eaEe
1 thirty or forty Of the company the ms@slss.
! Az English clergyman Advertisea his living
5 tor exchange, adding that il y "a mosa
desirable position for d delicate man-ao
! dissenters in the parish"
A Cautious old bachelor, who knoNa thai
the present is leAp-year, says: IF -
meet q young lady who is not very shy, yoa
9 had better be little shy yourselfn
. AEE you girls fitted for wfvesS' queries
: q sober exchange. care they fitted for AuS-
7 bands ~ retorts another