Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1868-02-12
8lisftllany,
How Tom Reused Her.


TIE wife of Tom Gordon is a victim
to imaginary ailments, and is never 50
content as when living according to the
direction Of her medical advisor, DR..
Valentine now understands her whims
and oddities so well that he humors her
in every caprice if she imagines rheu-
mateim IS her complaint, he agrees with
her, and prescribes some harmless pot
ion; if she thinks her appetite deereas-
ing, some bread pills keep her in good
spirits until the fancied symptoms Of
some other disease induce her to send
again for him.
During the last four years Tom has
often wished that his wife would roll
down stairs and break her foolish head
for the reason that the physicians and
apothecary's bills make a serious inroad
upon his income.
About three months ago she complain
ed of a pain in her side, and, as usual,
the doctor was summoned. After pre-
scribing two or three bottles Of different
eOmpounds-all harmless, but rather ex-
pensive-he said:
&" All you want to assist medicine In
effecting a cure is a little rousing. Al
though your ailment is serious, it is not
dangerous. Assume a little energy, and
you will recover. Remember, rouse
yourself"
After the doctor had retired, the pa
tient fancied that at last some serious
disease was beginning to manifest itself,
and like fool she went to. bed in de-
spair.
Tom understood the case thoroughly
from long experience, and said mental
"She wants a rousing, does she ?
Well, I'll give her a surprise that will
startle her"
Mrs. Hake, an attractive widow, was
engaged to act in the capacity of nurse
to Mrs. G. The widow is young, bux-
ON, amiable, and Tom thought her at
tractive qualities might be made availa-
bic in giving the patient the necessary
lrOusing.
a short consultation with Mrs. Hake
resulted in the Arrangement Of plan,
the execution of which was to induce
Mrs. G., to forever afterwards throw
pbysic to the dogs.
Late the next evening, while the pa
tient was fretting and groaning, and an
nouncing her intention of giving up the
ghost, Tom called Mrs. Hake aside and
said to her, in a pretended whisper, but
loud enough to be heard by the invalid ;
"Poor Fanny she is about to die at
last, and SO you and 1 may as well ar
range for our marriage"
Tom threw a glance over his shoulder
as he spoke, and observed the dying pa
tient ceased her groaniug, and begun to
rouse herself. Arising quickly to a sit
ting posture in the bed 10 note every
word of the conversation, she stared at
them with eyes as big as small onions
boiled"
"'Twill be relief to her." continued
Tom, " for she has always been an in
valid. I, too, have suffered as we'll as
she, but with you, the picture of health,
as my wife, happiness will be complete. "
The widow threw herself upon Tom 5
shoulder, her arms about his neck, and
began to chew his vest in mouthfulls to
smotbe her laughter.
How soon shall We get married after
she is dead p asked Tom, passing his
arm around the widows substantial
waist.
al suppose you will be willing to
wait a week or two ?" simpered Mrs.
Hake, as she leaned her head on his
shoulder and took another mOuthful Of
vest.
The invalid uttered an exclamation
and landed on the floor.
You think I am going to die, do
you% she exclaimed. "TII live to
spite you both and for you she
turned and graspod Mrs. Iake by the
hair" out of my house, you designing
vixen! III act my own nurse hereaf-
ter"
From that day to this, Mrs. G., has
enjoyed good health, and Tom has en-
Loved good spirits, because he has not
had doctors bill to pay. He knew
how to cure her; for she only needed
rousiug, and Tom "rou5ed her"
Thu Riggast Game of PoSar Knovn