Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-12-11

ip"iiasSSibiS youuS navy
Reporters prefer to take the notes
, Of banks rather than of speakers.
Beautiful extract---A handsome
young lady just helped out of a mud
hole. "a.
A few days since letter appeared
directed to Portland, Younighted
Stats" ~ 1T
A New Uayener sat oil day in the
top of a tree by way of paying an
election bet. r
Several Democratic newspaper pro-
s prietors in Indiana discharged their
I printers for voting for Grant. ,~-
New York has an anti Tobacco club.
which meets once u week for the
purpose of not smoking.
Heads are excellent things, but IL
Is better to he man of one good
head than n monster of seven. .sG-
Nasty says that Andrew johnson
IL still the Moses he claimed to be !;
he has only changed his lsraelites.
An experienced old gentleman says
that all that is necessary in the Ell
joyment of love or sausages, is conf
dence. #.a~HgB .nr. raa.-# za@tt@.&
The Alta california, newspaper
published in San Francisco, keeps its
: own lawyer, and has OH an average
one libel suit week. ..,.-
A good instance of absence of mind
was an editor quoting from rival
paper one of his own articles and
heading it, "Wretched Attempt at
Wit" ..s. ..aa. ~ ..sea
An egg-dealer in Worthington,
Ohio, sells his hen fruit according TO
size. He has board with three
holes in it, by which he grades the
eggs. -....~s- ...-r .sv
A Democratic writer says: "To
the many inquisitive friends who
want to know how far We are going
up Salt River, we make this general
reply, 'Yuba DAM"
The Cheyenne Leader quantity re-
marks: Instead oil saying how are
meet in this city, the first queation
now is, "have you been admitted to
the Barr"
. A busy man is q locomotive, and
life a track. Every night he drives
into "the house, and stops. Every
morning he is fired up anew, and
away he goes switching Off one direc-
ton and another.
The following announce lately
appeared in paper: Edward
Eden, painter. il requested to COM
stl, Z. ,rvl. LA,
will hear something to his advantage
his wife is dead"
- Mrs. Williams, of st. Louis, pre-
scented her husband with four babes
st birth, O few days ago, two of
whom have since died. Up TO the
day of their appearance, Mrs. w. at
tended to her household duties.
An Irishmap noticing won an
pass along the street, spied two strips
depending from under the lady's
cloak. Not knowing that these were
styled sashes, and were hanging in
the right place, he Faith,
ma'ain, your gailasses are united
The Young Mems Christian Asso
citation, OF Norwalk, Conn, decided
ly object to having Anna Dickinson
lecture under their auspices, because
they deem 1.-THE general tenor of her
lecture TO be pernicious and calculated
ooppose the great objects of u Chris
tlan association"
civilian, thee knowest Inever cal
any one names but, William, ii the
mayor of the city were to come to
me, and say, Joshua, 1 want thee TO
find the biggest liar in all the ety.
would come TO thee, and puLmy hand
on thy shoulder, and say: William,
the Mayor wants thee
"Why is it," said one of our school
marms to a young scape. grace who
had caused her much trouble by his
bad conduct, why is it you behaved
so well when you first came to school,
and are SO disobedieut now Y' BE
cause" said young hopeful, looking
up into the teachers face, II wasn't
.much acquainted them
Iu retiring from the editorial chair
of the Louisville Democrat, w. ".
Harvey says that the greatest sin he
has editorially committed IN the past
ten years of his connection with the
press, has been in assisting to make
great men out OF very poor material.
We are sorry that Mr.. Harvey is not
an isolated sinner in this respect.
Let the editor who Is not guilty "cast
the first stone.n
"If girl refuse you,r says a re.
jected lover, don't give il up, but
try il again" Because two negatives
makes an affirmative in grammer,
Il M
jected when girl refuses you twice.
/ asked one lady forty-one times !;
and at last she got to expect il when
ever l came, aud sometimes would
cry out "No!" from the top of the
stairs, before / got fairly into the
house.
A young lady having called out an
ugly gentleman to dance with her,
he was astonished at the condescen.
sion, and believing that she was in
love with him, desired TO know why
she had selected him from the rest of
the company.
because, sir" replied the lady,
"my husband commanded me to Sc
Iect such partner as should not give
him cause for jealousy.
Hen Philosophy-"Now, young
people," said a professor of natural
history to his class, "now then as TO
hens, hen has the capacity of lay
ing just six hundred eggs and no
more, and she finishes that job in
just abou. five years. Now what is
to be done with her, after that?"
"Cut off her head and sell her to
boarding house keeper for spring
chicken ~ exclaimed an urchin whose
father dealt in poultry. Z.
An old Democrat in Madison, Ind,
is grieyed sorely for having given one
Of his sons an education. 81 have
ten sons grown" said he, land all of
them but one vote the Dimocratic
ticket. IspiIed him by giving him
en- education, and so he turned Re-
publican and votes again the Dino.
cratic party. | have threeo boys
growing up, every one of whom will
vote as their father does. No more
sdieation for my boys, you bst."
A college professor was being rowsd
across stream in boat. Said he to !
the boatman:
do you understand philosophy"
mo, never herd of il"
Then one-fourth of your life's |
gone. Do you understand geology ?"
NO"
"rhen one-half your life's gone"