Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-05-15

For the 0ssstte. sao@ss 49,,
Confessions of a Wild

Confessions of a Wild
i x dover. N
Pity seldom comes to those VIII
need II. A nervous man has 70,
friends. A good pipe or . fragran
cigar are the rivals Of . new sprinI
bonnet or tho latest poplin, and tn
CHATTER one heafs about him on thes
occasions, tempts one either to seel
Enthusiastically butting his brain
out against sack or wool, or writing
q newspaper article. Both are ba,
enough, the latter worse than enough
am just released from the thraldon
of petticoat government. am ,
freedman, and being half white
claim my prerogative Of being hear
in the interest of my wretohesi sex.
Twas torfnented for tho first hal
century Of my life, and now hope t.
write for,ths benefit Of my race ths
other hair Twenty per cents'' hav,
been moderately poured upon me
and for the Last twenty-five years
have looked upon the sky as capable
Of showering down only "bills re.
ceivable." The lady whom out o,
the most profound respect l am
pleased to call my Governor when
united to me was young and beauti,
full, but sadly deficient In many Of
the accomplishments OF modern
times, though fully ambitious n
shine In the ways OF fashion.
A neat little cottage, nesting In q
sweet little bower, was our home. ]
say oar because though the title was
10 me, all rule aud authority were
entrusted to "Sly Governor She
doated over II. on! didn't she now
II was an exquisite little paradise,
compared with the ugly, gloomy
brown stone fronts that frowned upon
their humble neighbcrs. We had !
cosy, snug, little parlor--eight by ten,
and elegant furniture set It Off In
style that would have made the lux
urious chambers OF the Orientals
turn green She loved this miniature
palace rs . prairie wolf loves her
whelps.
There was music too In her voice.
Touch her sympathies, and you
opened up Q fountain that wellesl
forth the utmost music Of her soul,
and which sank back, anon, to the
gentle murmer of the Great Niagara,
or rose to the exquisite pitch of a
tormented wildcat. Her fashionable
parlor lumber was abundent, but her
desires were boundless. Don't think
I am cynic; Don't think am Pc
nurious. Credit me with q large
bump Of generosity, but don't argue
that ever should be willing to be
shocked to death. You may hang
me. choke me with melted butter
anything but shocking.
Chickering'S" were the rage. II
was "Chickering" at the choir prac.
tice-.C hiokering" Mt, the Sewing
Circle and Sanitary Commission, and
"Chickering" was rung into eternal
changes about my ears until wished
"Chickering'' had been thrown into
the fiery furnace instead Of those In
nocent Hebrew chiidren-Abedpago
q Co.
One smooth, balmy April morning,
q drayman dumped one Of those mu.
steal humbugs into our yard, and
there IL stood In all it, barbarous d.
mentions, ~ large - . Dutch barn,
though not painted red /; 1.-THE top OF
the case, In which the ani,nuie was
packed. reaching to the caves Of oul
humble cottage. There stood the
ponderous machine Of music. There
encased In mahogany was the sire OF
q whole heaven OF cchos. There was
the burial case of q thousand duets,
solos and quartettes, 1.-The dwelling
place of q million discords and a
myriad harmonics. There was the
triumph Of art, waiting to be tortured
into all the plaques that can infest
mortal ears. Had II been my Gov.
errors" cofiiin conld not have been
less happy. fsI7
Solemn council was held, when
the curtains were drawn and bainiy
sleep courted my eye-lids. The
Coroner" Of my bed chamber sum
moned her jury Of prejudices in an
inquest over the remains of "Chick.
ering," and NIL the wisdom oftiie East
could not tell how to dispose OF the
musical animal. The fable OF the
man that bought the whole elephant
was nowhere, In the perplexities Of
our POPULATIONS. The "Governor'l
took the stand on both sides OF the
question, as this was her usual habit
OF debate. tho question being whether
to put the instrument inside Of the
cottage or the cottage inside or The
Instrument. / preferred the latter
but the Governor" true TO her in.
stincts, was Ia favor Of neither anc
with good reason for once, a. Il wa
impossible. / yielded ut last to hel
gentle persuasion and invincibla
logic, and It was resolved to erec
over II . tabernacle fol the worship O
Musaeus.
Sound Of the hammer, and the saw
was heard for many days, and ct Lar
the cdifice was dedicated to the ser
vice Of the Muse, and my Governor
was perfectly" happy. Morning
and night the air reverberated wifl
the swell Of discordancss, and founs
their natural echos, In the UNFRAMED
voices Of the neglected little one,
who sprawled In their unhallowet
dizziness over the unmopped floor.
/ was tortured with confusion ant
shame. The whole neighborhoos
was up and In arms-especially tn,
smaller children. "Old Dog Tray
was % overwhelmingly terrnented
that i was threatened with Z prose
cution for cruelty TO animals. "Oh
Horace Greeley does your Mothe
know you're ont.n BROUGHT out q tw,