Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1868-05-08
OUR BABY.

OUR BABY. ~ e.
1t was very pretty little baby--that is
for baby. had no fault to find with it.
as far as its individual identity was con
cerned. If babies must eXist-and | sup
pose there is necessity for the thing, or
else where would all the grown people
come from ?-this baby was as well in its
way as any other baby.
L mention these facts merely to prove
that am in no way prejudiced. AS far as
mortal man can be, am an entirely i'm
partial witness. #s
1t was fast asleep in its cradle-a little
white headed doll, with long dark eye
against which lay its tiny fist, with five
thereof 1t was fast asleep say, when
Bertha came airily into the room.
II am going over to the depot to see
mother off, Joseph, I'll be back in half an
hour Just keep an eye to the baby while
I'm gone, will your"
i looked blankly at my sister. But while
| was considering how best to express my
total dissent from her audacious PROPOSE
ton, she tripped out of the room, her rib
bons fiuttering in the soft spring air.
Silence doesn't always give consent, but
Bertha had taken it for granted, in this
matter, and / was left an unwilling guar
dian of my little nephew.
However, he was fast asleep, that was
one circumstance in my favor. Mortal
baby couldn't present q more innocent and
cherubic aspect than he did. So calmly
went on with my writing, soon becoming
oblivious to his infantile presence.
"Talk about tending babies" quoth | to
myself, dipping my goose-quill triumph
antly into the ink, "why it's the easiest
business in life. | should never spend my
money hiring nurses, if the little one was
mine-but women never do know how to
economic properly"
AS these fancies passed through mind
the baby woke up and sneezed.
gave the cradle an oscillatory kick, and
then burst forth into the well-known bur-
den of "Bye baby bunting but the
little villain absolutely declined to shut his
eyes again, like sensible baby. He
opened them wider than two miniature
moons, stared at me with an air of malev-
Olence that has made me firm believer in
human depravity ever since, and deliberate
ly began to cry. And the harder rocked
the cradle and the louder I sang, the more
resolutely did that baby cry.
Hes hungry" thought 1 to myself
Babies must be fed, and it's highly re-
prehensible of Bertha to stay away so
long"
So went down into the pantry and in
stituted a search for some milk; which 1
had vague idea was the diet generally pre-
ferred by toothlessinfancy Butmilkthere
was none Lamp oil; Stewards syrup /;
vinegar; kerosene; brandy; everything
but milk was there; every conceivable. fluid
in aggravating profusion-but not drop
of milk
llthis time, meanwhile, the roars of nay
infatuated nephew, but slightly softened by
distance, followed me about like Nemesis.
rushed frantically upstairs, armed with
a lump of sugar, the first soothing expedi-
ent that suggested itself to me-
BLESS its dear little heart, there, there !;
confound your racket, can't you keep still !!
Take its sugar from its own, own uncle,
that's little golden boy"
But the golden boy absolutely rejected
the sugar, screaming louder than ever, as
if its lungs were forty baby -power, and
warranted never to tire out 1t kicked,
it struggled, it paved the air, it grew
purple i'll the face. Ashes of king Herod
and all the Egyptians what was man
to do?
In vain I executed war dance around
its cradle, in vain | rang the dinner-bell,
and jingled the china ornaments, and
waved the feather-duster, and swung nv
gold repeater, and bawled nursery ballads
at the top of my lungs Talk about per-
severance. Robert Bruce's spider was
nothing to that atrocious little lump Of
mortality. @ 5
There's nothing forit but to capitulate,
said to myself as jammed my hat or
my head, yiciously thrust my arms into
my Oyercoat, and seized the baby out Of
its cradle. $3.50 s5 ~ ss -sel
Leave itabsolutely alone dared not, and
the nearest grocery where milk was procur
able lay three blocks off, Thus, in a sort
of stony despair issued forth from the
house, carrying my prosecutor like bun
die under one ARM 3i -.fEast.
thought he would stop crying when hi
got into the open air, but not he; oxygeI
only seemed to increase the shrill power O
his villainous little pipes People turned
to stare at me as if were an escaped luna
tic, or an abductor of human innocence
Women looked indignantly at the baby
Blue worsted socks and little pink LEGS
kicking blindly from beneath my arms
Children ran after me, dogs barked, but ]
kept doggedly on my way, walking into
the grocery, with resolution second only
to that of the Roman fellow who jumped
into a crater, nobody knows how many
hundred years ago.
'sApint of milk, if you please"
MIX, sirg Have you brought any
thing to put it in ?" >
thought of my tobacco box, my poke
handkerchief, the corner of my hat, all O
these impracticable places for the deposi
of the tactical fluid.
Il never thought of thatr' i said
righting. the baby, who came head upper
most with a very crimson countenance
and eyes looking defiantly into mine; eve:
that said, as if they had spoken in so many
syllables, Il wontstop crying I'll die first 7
The storekeeper looked on sympatheti
cally.
81 could sell you nice little pitcher, sir
if7-"
"The very idea," l interrupted. "a