Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1868-01-29
A Wedding Night Shirt.

It wasn't hardly the fair thing that
the boys did to Joe Thompson the night
he was married, but the temptation was
irresistible They couldn't have helped
it to have saved their lives. I'll tell you
how it was.
Joe was about the most fancy dressed
buck in the toWn-o7er nice and partic.
ular-a perfect Miss Nancy in manners,
always putting on airs, and more dainty
and modest than girl. Well, when his
wedding night came, be was dressed
trunk empty, and his pants especially
fitted him as if they had been moulds
and his legs candles, and run into them.
Tight was no name for them. Their set
was immense, and he was prouder than
half a dozen peacocks.
Aren't they nice, boys?" he asked
of the two who were to be grOomsmen
and see that he threw himself away af-
ter the most approved fashion.
Stunning gorgeous !" replied Tom
Bennst. "Never saw anything equal to
them. But, say, Joe, aren't they just
the least bit tight2 It strikes me that
you will have some difficulty in bending,
won't you?"
"Pshaw, no; they are as easy an old
glove. Seel"
To prove the matter he bent down so
as to touch his patent feathers, when
crack, crack, followed like the twin re-
ports of revolver.
"Thunderl' exclaimed Joe, as he put
his hands behind, and found a rent in
the cashmere from stem to stern. "Thun-
der! the pants have burst, and what
shall I do2"
I should rather think they had,
answered Tom, getting purple in the
face, as he endeavored to control his
laughter. "But there is no time to get
another pair. It only wants half an
hour to standing up time, and we have
got mile to 60. Carriage waiting,
too"
"What shall I do /; what shall do?"
"Tll tell you what, if mine would fit
you, you should have them in welcome,
but they are about a mile too big; would
set like a shirt on bean pole. I see
no way but TO have them mended."
"Well, I am something Of a tailor,
and can fix them so that they won't |
show. Hold on a minute, and I'll get a
needle and thread"
"Can your May heaven bless yeuW
"Off with your coat, commanded |
Tom, as he came back.
"Now, lay yourself over on the bed, |
and I will fix you in short order"
The command was obeyed the pants
mended the coat tails carefully pinned |
over, so as to conceal the " distress for
rent" and all went merry as a marriage
bell. until Joe followed his bushing
bride to the nuptial couch.
There was only a dim light in the |
room. but it enabled Joe, as he glanced !
basbfully around, to see the sweetest
face in the world, the rosy checks and |
ripe lips, the lovely and loving blue eyes,
and the golden eurls just peeping from
out the snowy sheets, and he eztinguish-
ed it altogether, and fastened to dis
robe himself. Off came coat, vest, fan
Cy uGCk Ilo anu COlldl, bOUtd duu hOChS,
in hurry, but somehow the pants stuck.
The more he tried the more they
wouldn't come, and hugged vainly for
half an hour.
"Thunderl" muttered Joe.
"What is the matter, dear p came in
the softest of accents from the bed,
where somebody was wondering if he
was ever going to come to her arms.
1t was moment of desperation; Joe
was entirely overcome by the situation,
and, forgetting his accustomed bashful-
ness blurted out:
"MolI, that cursed Tom Bennett has
scwed my pants, drawers, shirt, and un-
dorshirt all together ~
"It is too bad, Wait a moment, my
doar."
A little stockingless foot poeped out
first, then a rufied night-dres the lamp
was lighted, a pair of scissors found,
J oe released, and, although he denies it,
Tom Bennett swears that his wedding
shirt was Of the shortest possible extent,
reasoning pOSteriorj.
SOME fishermen use cotton for bait