The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-06-26


Hrit ana 1nn.nr.
"A bully boy-a butcher.
"A poachcr of eggs-a cook.
"A Stove Pipe-A broken but of
Sherry.
- What liquor would lover be
Beside her.
= The ancient bitterness of Europe
old Gaul.
- To Bonnets, though lost to sight
to memory dear.
- The South is like an egg, white
with yolk to it.
- An exchange says that The girls
in some parts Of Pennsylvania, are so
hard up for husbands that they some
times marry editors and lawyers.
81 say, Bill; Jims got scragged
for stealing u horse" "Saryed him
right, why didn't he buy one, and not
pay for it, like any other gentleman ?"
"A Down-east editor advises all
of his readers, if they wish to get teeth
inserted, to go and steal fruit where a
watch dog is ON guard.
- Yates says it only takes little
to make him tight. That's what's the
matter with all such people, they only
take aiittle-too much.
why is maid-servant.l when pro-
cesson passes nigh her masters house,
like u ship on the coast at the COM
mencement ola heavy gale ?--because
she always runs out to sea. (seel.'.
- We saw drunken man lately
trying to get policeman to arrest i,is
own shadow. His complaint was that
an Unlocking scoundrel had been fol-
lowing him.
- A Chicago robber, who was
seized in the act of stealing i'll the shop
of Il tobacconist, said by way of eXcu-
sing himself, that he had never heard of
Il law that forbade a man to take sn7.f.
- '1Do you ever have any 'hops' in
Maine ?'askeda Newport belle, who
was dressing for ball, of IL country
cousin from the Pine State. "Oh, yes
lots pa has forty acres of 'em in one
iield:''
-. "Doctor - wants to know if
you will pay this bill now 2"
Old gentleman looks over the items
and replies +:
''Tell Doctor = will pay him for
his medicines, and return his visits.
"A little girl worn out by the
long sermon, last Sunday, observing the
preacher gathering himself up for the
introduction ofanother point eXclaim-
ed, "Oh, mother he is not going to
stop at all. He is swelling up again.
! - A clock having struck the hour
of one, tender-hearted mother, eX-
claimed. 'Oh, what cruel clock !''--
"Why so ?" asked Il friend. tBecause
it struck its title one" answered the ten
der-hearted mother.
~ A friend who sported ferocious
pair of whlskers, meeting Mr.. OC'Jnnel
in Dublin the latter said "When do
you mean to place your whskers on
peace footing Y'' ''Wheu you place your
tongue on the civil list was the re-
joinder.
- Aunt He.ty inquired of the SER
want girl if she came from the Hunga-
rian parts Of Ireland On being told
that her geographical knowledge was
somewhat defective, she excused her.
self by saying, II haint much learnin'
l never went to school but one day and
that was in the evenin', and we hadn't
no candle, and the master didn't Come"
- married lady who was in the
habit of spending the most of her time
in the society Of her neiglibors, hap
pened one day to be taken very ill,
sent her husband in great haste for a
physician, the husband ran a short els
lance, and then returned eXclaiming.
"My dear, where shall find you when
/ come back Z"
When Napoleon was only an Of
ficer of artillery, a Prussian flicer said
in his pres 2nce with much pride +:
- 81, Il
ny and Frenchmen fight for money"
"You are right replied Napoleon !;
"each of them fights for what he is in
need Of"
-"IIallo !" calculated an anxious
guardian to his lovely niece, as he en-
tered the parlor and saw Ter in the
arms of lovely swain who had just
popped the question and sealed it with
Il smack, 'swhat's the time of day now?''
IL should think it was now about half
past twelve" was the cool reply "you
see that we are almost one."
- a cobbler from away down East
visited one of the large shoe manufac-
tories of Lynn the other day, and for
the first time in his life saw shoes made
by machinery. ''What do you think OF
that ~ asked the foreman us the aston
ished down EASTER stood breathless,
with his hands thrust deep into his poe
kets, gazing at the wonder working
machine before him. SIT beats awl -
was the laconic and significant reply.
"A Yankee riding on railroad
was disposed to astonish the other pas
eengers with tough stories. At last
he mentioned that one of his neighbors
owned an immense dairy, and made a
million pounds of butter and a million
pounds of cheese yearly. Yankee per-
ceiving that his veracity was in danger
of being questioned, appealed to d
friend
True, isn't 1t Mr.---? speak oil
Deacon Brown"
"Y-e-s," replied the friend, though |
don't know as | ever heard precisely
how many pounds of butter and cheese
he makes year but | know he has II
saw-milis that all go by butter-milk.