The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1868-05-02

,AGsnk.s Aaying t.ll .. sasA4s4t theth :,
:hct On one particular secaaien 9ee nips, his IN
tsrlooutcr asked him Why he didn't make It .
thousand 1t once. ENC, said ~ sigSpot likely
I'm gsing to tell IL for oas s.ips" WAsrsap-
cn the Englishman, dstaEminsd net to b out
oane, began T. tell Q stesy q 10 nam hsving swan
NOM Liverpool t. Bsstsa.f ssDia yoa - him
your.elf ?" asked the Yaakss suddenly; aid you
gee him yoursslf z" ."Why, yss Of course did;
was coming across, and our vessel passed him
smile out Of Bostsa harbsr." "Wsl Ina glad
ye saw him, stranger, 'esz yer witness that.
did it. That was mew 44ass e...,.,,,,
"What is tho difference between xix dozen
dozen and half dozen dozen ?" Strange to say,
no one present had ever heard Of ii, but the best
part OF the joke coneited in Mr.. Sprawl being
completely taken by it. 7,is fs,,.r.. 49,, ~, -
"Why, they are beth the same" he answered
promptly 7'-Iis ~ !.
All the rest seemed TO think 20 to, and some
could not get it into their heads, although poor
Ni1 :pcat half An hour trying u convince them,
that half dozen, dozen was the Same thing %
ak dozen or 70; whilst six dozen must Of course
b ssvsnty-tws dozen, or 861. aa .ls
There 10 . little town in Vermont whore the
people have considerable fsn with their 'fsnce
viewers" One Of the officers weighs three hum
dred pounds another 10 SIX feet eight inches tall
~ vstsd that all fences that the fat man could sit
on, which the tall man couldn't straddls, nor the
little one crawl through, should DO deemed 10
gal fence. -. ...a xHsta.U
Prsssian Journal relates . story Of Jewish
congregation which determined to present to its
Rabbi tul Of wine, in token Of their respect
and love. Each was to bring bottle and pour
the contents into the receptacle. Aftsr the plan
had been carried out the eaAk was tapped and
found to be 6lled with pure water. Eash enc Of
the donors had senooivcd the idea that in such
and the result was - stated @sHHF ~
WILL ToLD.-"Ths Asxt msrniag ths juaessi
the police court sent for me. won't down and
he received ne cordially, had heard Of the won.
dsrfal things had sceonplishsd BY knocking
was proud Of me. was prsmising young man,
sad oil that Then he offered toast, equity, Or
net guilty" responded in brisf but slequsAt
speech, setting forth Vie inportaacs Of the ecea.
siea that hsd brought ~ together. After the
usual ceremonies wss requested to lead the CITY
Ten dsllars"
A toll-gats keeper N EAgland, was brought
before maGistrste tor sruslty 70 his daughter.
The little difficulty arsss frs4 dscsvsry naas
BY the parent, that the girl, who was frequently
Left in charge Of the gate, used 70 allow her sweet
heart . .yssag butcher, - drive his wagon
through free. ''she never totsd her lsve."
Astupid 1ellsw tried to annoy popular preach.
or BY asking him whether the fattsd calf Of the
parable was nah q female. Female, to b
:sre, was the reply; "sor see the nals," lsok-
ing his qxestionsr fall in the face, yet alive in
the flesh before me-"
q, Halle, steward I" exclaimed the fellow in one
o. the stsaubssts after having rstirsd to bed,
"h.llo, steward I" "Whst, mAssa?' want to ~
il these bedbugs pat dswl their ianss for this
berth before did. II net, wat tAsn turned
cut"
A lady having spsksa sharply 70 Dr.. Par.
spologi,:d BY saying 1T i the privilege Of ven.
inhrmity. Dssks would walk II they osull, but
Nature suffers thsm oaly to waddls."
Captain, what's the fare 70 st. Lssis 2"
what part Of the boat do yoa wish - 20 on
tlsnanlfren Indiana, II live in . oaAis at home
give me the best you've get"
Springfield (ksaai sehool sAildssa being called
upon for inprsnpta compositions on the employ.
ment OF their respective parents, doctors hope
and joy produced this:
"Thers vas little girl,
And che was very sick,
She ssnt for my father,
And died very qaickr'
Small boy. o, tip-tos, to his eompanisns-
stop Your noise, al Of yoa." CT
Conipanions-"Hsllo, Tommy what's the mat
tori"
Small boy-"Ws've got new baby, It's very
weak AID tired; walked all tho way from hsav.
en- last night; mustn't b kicking up rev round
here now." nut
Judy represents . gentleman at dinner ladling
up horseshoe from the soup tlreen, and say.
ing: "Poa my ssul, IFS too bad This is the sec
end tins the cooks forgotten to take the shoes
off"