Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-10-02
Wise and Otherwise.
A "draw-backn-A blister.

hand writer $500 year.
IF you don't want to lose your vot
don't bet.
IF you don't want to lose your mon
ey, don't bet iton Seymour and Blair
Spriggins says he once prevente'
a very severe case of hydrophobia, b.,
simply getting on the fence and wait
ing there until the dog went away
A man should know when to laugl
or smile i'm company. 1t shows mucl
more stupidity to be grave at goo'
thing than to be merry at a bad one
A marrying man in Brooklyn ha
now his fifth wife and five mother
in.laws i'm his house. His motto 1
"Let us have peace"
The la Crosse Democrat accuse
General Grant of stealing molasse
down South during the war. Their
can be no doubt about that, judgin,
from the licking he gave the rebellion
A singular story comes to US from
Switzerland, to the effect that clouc
heavily charged with electricity
passed over field ut st. Martin, ant
suffocated ninety-three sheep.
A widow lady received present o
q turkey. "who sent it?n "T wa.
told not to tell" said he. "Ah!
can guess" said the lady. "Bedad'
said the porter, "that is just what
told Deacon Grant,
Mr.. Pendleton said, when speaking
recently: II don't see where you al
came from" Excuse me, yer rev
erence," promptly responded an in
dividual in the crowd, "the most o.
us came from ould Ireland.u
A New Hampshire lady, who has 9
farm which she much desires to sell
absolutely refused to dispose of it to 0
Democrat, although he offered hel
full price. She says she wants nc
more of that kind of folks in thai
town.
A Jersey farmer who went to Phil.
adelphia with load of squashes, 9
few days since, and refused five cents
apiece all day for them, dumped the
whole load from the ferry boat or
his return, rather than carry them
home again. ...-."N
A death bed marriage has occurred
In Ohio. The bridegroom had beer
MORALLY wounded I'm a drunken fight
but determined not to give him up
she came to his bedside at midnight
when the ceremony was performed
Some wag has started a story tc
the effect that country chap went
to a Hartford job printing office the
other day, to get some postage stamps
printed. He "wanted EN- real bad to
put on a letter he had writ to a gal
and 1t cost too much to buy 'em Of
the Post Office fellers."
A Virginia paper tells a story oil
two travellers i'm % stage-coach, one
of whom underworld to engage the
other in conversation on various sub
jects. At last he said: Sir, / like
to talk to pass away the time In trav.
cling. Is there any thing you know
any thing about? The silent mau
replied: "Try me on leather"
The following is an advertisement
In a Chicago newspaper:
To RENT.-A lady whose husband
is often absent, wishes to rent q bach
elor or widower a nicely furnished
parlor. Must be agreeable, &c.
Address for three days, "MAD,"
West Side Post Office. ....
Some policemen attempted to arrest
two Vale College freshmen on Satur-
day night. The freshmen set up the
cry of "Yale !'whereupon about 500
.,tasde1tE assembled and attacked the
officers, who had to draw their pist-
OILS in order to clear q way. The
young fellows escaped trial by pay
ing a small cum.
A gfttle girl at Norwich looked
shfueriAEly out OIL the cold earth,
Saturday morning, in profound rev.
erie, which finally found this express
sion: "Auntie, auntie; 1 know
what makes it so cold; God is 60
ing tomalSe spring pretty soon, and
se has so much cold OH hand that he
wants to get rid of it as fast as he
can ~
A little fellow some four or five
years old, who had never seen a ne
gro was perplexed one day when
one carac ply where he and his father
were. The youngster eyed the negro
ssrSpfciously until he had passed, ant
then asked his father "Pa, whs
psinted that man all black ?' "Got
my son." "Weil" said the little on,
still looking after the negro, 81
shouldn't athought he'd held still
A darkey once fell out of secent
story window, and came down upoI
the sidewalk, head fOremest-witi
such force that some who heard tn,
concession rushed to the spet, expect
ing to find at least a mangfed body
The darkey was on his feet before the,
had fairly reached him, with a broat
grin overspreading his eountenance
Dem stones, The said, 'if dey don
want to git hurt must keep out o
dis niggar's way!"
Fred Douglas at the Equal Right
Convention, said that few years ag'
the only luxury he enjoyed was
whole seat ian a car. Even that lux
ury he did not have now. The 9th
er night he was riding, muffied vi
in his blanket, when somebody ask ed
him for half of his seat. He stucl
out his head and replied, al, m mig
ger,n az don't care who the d
you are, l want seat"
A traveller in Arkansas found tn,
following notice stuck on the ferry
mans door at Cache River:
NoATIs-Ef emmy pody comes her,
arter Ticker or to git akross the river
They can git this horn, and eff / dom
cum when my Betsy up at the Hous,
hcares the horn BLOWN shele cum
down and sell EN- the Ticker or Sc
EN- akross the river. line away from
home. JOHN WILSON.
N. B.-Them that cant rede will
have to go to the Hous arter Betsy
faint but half q mile thar.
Western men whoever they ma,
be, tell the following story: Ont
night a judge, a military officer ant
minister. all applied for lodgins
at an inn, where there was but on,
spare bed, and the landlord was call
ed upon 20 decide which had the hes
claim of the three.
II have lain fifteen years in tn,
garrison at said the officer.
II have sat just twenty years il
R." said the judge.
"With your leave, gentleman,
have stood in the ministry twenty
five years at M" SAID the minis
ter.
"rhat settles the dispute" said tn,
Ian lord. You, Mr.. Captain, hav,
lai fifteen years; you, Mr.. Judge
haze sat twenty years; while thi
al 4 fnllnu has hna1a standinn for III,