Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-05
INTELLECTUAL HASH.

When loy falls into the water what
is the first thing be does? IL gets wet
= Matches misery has been defined
to have cigar and nothing to light it with.
Where is money first mentioned in
the Bible? When the dove brought the
greenback to Noah.
A young girl in Maine has sold the
privilege OF wearing waterfall as long
as she lives
Where do you find the bread and
butter drawers q? In the Freedmen's Bu-
reaa.
ladies at the present time have
more lives than cat, for each night they
shuttle of the mortal coil"
Some newspaper has given oat that
the British government had Train bottled
but not corked. That is not true, for he
was put into Cork Jail.
-Parisians are good at limiting. An
unpoprl2r actress recently had funerel
wreath thrown to her from an apprecia-
tive audience.
AGooD MOrTo-The motto of the
iowa Republicans is-God Grant
Victory! which may be read in two
ways, and is equally good in either.
What is the different between per-
son transfxed with amusement, and a
leopard's tail? The one is rooted to the
spot, and the other is spotted to the root.
How to winnow corn First method
Get some corn Get somebody who
knows how to winnow it. Let him do it.
Second method-If you know all about
it do it yourself
A lady writes us complaining that
the pudding she made &C cording to a re-
cipe given in our paper last week was not
fit for a dog to eat. IF she will again re-
fer to the paper she will find that the re-
eipe was for making a poultice, not
pudding. Courier.
"A letter has been safely delivered to
the person to whom it was addressed in
Iowa, which had besides the usual super
serption, these. words: "There is ten
dollar bill folded in this letter, and if you
want it worse than my mother does, take
it,"
The Polish women generally are con
sidered by travellers the handsomest on
the Continent. The Americans, who
ought to be good judges, are almost in
variably of that o, inion. Some purely
aesthetic persons justify Russia in holding
Poland, because Polish women are too
pretty to release.
--'Excuse nae, madam, but [ would
like to ask you why you look at me SO
very savage % ooh, beg your pardon,
sir, [ took you for my husband"
Weston says he walked for money
to pay off his debts. He is not the first
man who has taken to his legs to escape
his creditors.
Little Bobby say, ma, is it true
that we are made out of dust? Ma
Yes, my boy so we are toid. Bobby
Well, III be hanged if [ believe it J;
cause, tif-if We was, when we sweat
wouldn't it be muddy?
A Rhode Island newspaper prints
the following among its marriage notices
1t strikes US as beng one of the most
amusing press personalities we have seen
"In Thompson, Conn, November 20, by
Rev. L. ". Blood. Rufus Briggs to Sarah
c. Greenleaf, Of Auburn, Mass, after a
long and tedious courtship of over five
years
--Quilp excuses his conduct the other
day in not assisting lady who had fallen
IN the street, by saying that he didn't
know how to take hold of her, as if the
sex were an eel, snake, horned pout,
or anything slippery or doubtful. Quilp
has yet much 70 learn.
When is plant like hog ? When
it begins to root. And when is it he a
soldisr? When it shoots.
-Bismark met his barber at Baden
Baden. Barber complained of the mix
ed society at Baden Baden. The count
replied, "Well, we canaot all be BARRIERS,
you know"
"A midnight elopement in New York
was frustrated by cat, who frightened
the young lady into fainting fit as she
was going down stairs to meet the ex-
pected lover at the door.
Moab was probably the only person
who went to sea for fear of being drown
ed.
Who is wise? Fl e that is teachable.
Who is mighty lie that conquers him.
self. Who is rex He that is con-
tented Who is honored? He that
honoreth others.
Why is fire paradoxical? Because
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