Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1868-11-20


can be matched nowhere across the Chan
mel. That poor little baby-soul of six
teen weeks, whose "agreeability" is as,
serted, is not so ridiculous as the British
infant Of the same speechless age, whose
Shakesperian parents inscribed over her
little corpse:-
She never told her lovcw
Nor yet as a small boy, who received
this obituary notice:-
We shall not SO soon forget thine innocent eapers y
There is no p" Lady O'Looney" hidden
beneath the sods of France, nor any
grenadier like him Of Winchester,
who caught his death a-drinkng cold small beer.
There are no illusions to "Afiliction
sore," or to that vanity Of physicians
on which the English bucolic mind has
evidently gloated for CENTURIES. No far
sighted prudence combines the ephitaph
and the advertisement after the fashion
of the tomb of jonathan Thompson:
"A good Husband, and afeetionate Father;
Whose disconsolate Widow and Orphans
Continue to carry on the Tripe and Trotter business
AT the same shop as before their bereavement
Epitaphs in England are of three or
ders, each with two classes. There is the
commonplace unobjectionable (such as
the mere name and date, with text or
two added and the commonplace ex-
tremely Objectionable, such as
Addiction sore Long time bore"
Then there is the grotesque intentional,
and the grotesque unintentional Among
the former we should rank the epitaph
on Mr.. Foote of Norwich =
Here lies one Footo, whose death may thousands
For death has now one foot within the grave"
And the one on Mr.. Box =
Here lies one Box within another
I The one of wood was very good,
We cannot say so much fortother,"
Also the famous one on Sir John
Strange:-
Here lies an honest lawyer,
| That is Strange"
And Albert Durer's epitaph for him
self certainly the shortest, and, perhaps
the best in the world-the meet inscrip,
ton for the closed door of the house ap-
pointed for all living, the one word EN-.
igravit.'
Or this one, on bellows-maker:-
Here lies John Mellows
The Prince Of Good Fellows,
Clerk of All-hallOws
And maker of Bellows, .,,,
He bellows did mend till the day of his DEATH
But he who made bellows could never make breath
Or this, at Manchester, on an old man
Here lies John Hill,
man of skill
His age was five times ten;
He ne'er did good
Nor ever would,
Had he lived as long again..
,, Or this, on dyer:
Beneath this turf MIN doth lie.
Who dyed to live, and lived to die"
As for the unintentionally grotesqu
epitaphs, they may be found in almos
every churchyardin in England. Now an'
then, when we hear of them, we have {
suspicion that they are too good to b
true" but he who has had any expert
ence of British monumental stupidity
will hesitate to put limits to the absurd
. ty it may display. The following are
few which we recall to mind, omittin
: such as we happen to have seen in prin
Can anything be more simply touchin
: than the second line Of this couplet -
IN MEMORY OF JOHN DAILY, &C.
!, He died of Quinsy,
|, And was buried at Basy."
r Or the third Of this triplet =
4" Here lieth wrapt in clay,
9 The body of William Mray
/ have no more to say"
-, There is certainly no lack Of faith di
- played in the following, which is, we b
lieve, to be found in Sunbury churc
! yard:
IN A-B-
Left Sunbury
n And started for Paradise,