The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-08-13
Short Paragraphs.


chez, lately, for robbery. He said that
he commenced by cheating the printer
and after that everything rascally came
easy to him'
A sermon was preached on a certain
Sabbath morning by an eminent divine
from the text, "Ye are the children of the
devil" In the same church, in the af-
ternoon, the text was, "Children, obey your
parents"
One of our western villages had passed
an ordinance forbidding tavern keepers to
sell liquor ON the Sabbath to any one ex-
cept travellers. The next Sunday every
man in town was seen walking about with
a carpet bag in his hand.
1t is announced for the benefit of those
who did not see the last comet, that it will
appear again in the year 2l49.
A darkey set to work to cut down
tough tree with dull axe, and made but
slow progress. A shaft of lightning shiv-
ering huge oak, near by, he exclaimed:
"Try your hand on dis one, master, and I
spec you git your match"
An Irishwoman was told to take as much
of a certain powder as she could put on a
sixpence, when she said to the doctor, "per-
haps your honor Will give me the sixponce
as | haven't got one at all, at ALL"
Hasn't your horse got the heavesl"
asked a man of another one trying to sell
his animal. "If he's any better for the
heaves he's got them and if he amt he
HASN'T" was the reply.
A fellow being treated to glass of
wild cherry wine, exclaimed, as soon as
he got the pucker out of his mouth, "gosh.
| hope them cherries was so wild that the
man didn't catch many of them !"
On returning home after fighting a
duel, a gentleman paid the driver large
price, at which the latter seemed much
surprised, 81 only took you mile" he
said. lam not paying you for taking me
out, but for bringing me back," was the
reply.
A printers devil once went to see II
preachers daughter. He was much sur
prised the next Sunday at hearing her
father give out the text, "My daughter is
grievouSly tormented with devil"
In Cincinnati, man wishing to get a
check cashed, had no one to prove his
identity. He exhibited his name upon
his shirt, whereat the banker was salts
fed, and paid over the money.
Lost yesterday small morocco pocket
book, containing tailor's bill for $50.
Any person finding the same will please
pay the bill and nothing more will be said.
A broker was once asked how his faith
er was. He replied, 'the old gentleman
is quoted at eighty, but he has a prospect
of going up to par, and may reach a pre-
mium."
An Irish clergyman once said, whilst
preaching, "My friends, | am just half
through my sermon; but as you seem to
be tired, the last half will not be more
than quarter as long as the first half"
Mr.. Patrick O'Flaherty said that his
wife was very ungrateful, for "when |
married her she hadn't rag to put on her
back, but now she is covered with 'em."
"How do you do, Mr.. Smithw
"Do what p
"Why, how do you find yourselfp
"I never lose myself"
"Pshaw how do you feel p
"Pretty smooth, I guess-feel me and
see."
"Good morning, Mr.. Smith"
"It's not good morning; it's wet and
nasty"
"Can you read smoke, map What do
you mean, my childw "Why, I heard
some men talk about volume of smoke,
and thought you could read any volume"
A fellow seven feet high passed through
Charleston, on his way to California. On
being asked why he ventured on so haz-
ardous journey, he replied, "They did
not want me at home any longer.
"Mother, l heard sissy swear" "What
did she say" "She said she was going to
wear her darned stockings to church to-
morrow"
A friend was travelling South lately,
and one day was asked to take some sau-
sage, then on the breakfast table.
"No / thank you, none of that" said
he, with knowing smile.
"Who not % said the landlord, assur-
ingly, "they are safe enough"
"What do you mean by saying they are
safe enoughl"
"Why, hound pup is worth more than
hog here, any day.
Mr.. Jones writes to q friend 81 am
glad to be able to say that my wife is re-
,1o,,,l,, .tt.. at'