Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-04-21
HOtchety-POtchety.


"Men who have Risen '-Kronauts.
A man, to speak his mind, must have one to
speak.
A drunken hackman's motto ''Hick- hack
hook
Can the bakers on strike be properly termed
loafers?
The storm king is hard to ''bear'' when he is
a-bruin'.
Men, like bullets, go furthest when they are
smoothest.
The gentleman whose lips pressed a lady,
Snowy brow did not catch cold.
It may be fair question whether man can
be said to be welded to celibacy
Why is a thief in garnet like an honest man?
He is above doing wrong action.
MANY men and women have had occasion to
know that two do not necessarily make pair.
Vegetation is so scare at Cape Cod that two
mullen stalks and huckleberry bush are
called grove.
Women should remember that men would
often ring their tender fingers only to wiring
their tender hearts.
What should be the fate of cook who would
serve up q cat In what should be a veal pie?-
Purr-dish on (perditlon.)
Said an Irish Justice to an obstreperous pris-
oner on trial 1--WE want nothing from you but
silence, and d-n little Of that! -
Men are like bugles-the more brass they
contain, the more noise they make and the fur
Their you can hear them.
"Ma, whereabouts is the State of matri-
mony?" "You will find it in one OF the Uni
ted States, was the answer.
An editor received a letter in which weather
was spelled ''wether" He said it was the
worst spell of weather he had ever seen.
Hood, in describing the meeting of man
and lion, said. ''the man ran off with all his
might and the lion with all his name.
attack of bronchitis; two attacks of bronchitis
one mahogany coffin.
Never be disturbed by trifes. They are be-
meath your notice. Look at the elephant and
rhinoceros in mosquito time, and learn compo-
sure and philosophy
Jack did you ever go to sea?' II guess [
did; last year, for instance, [ went to see red
headed girl, but [ only went there once.
"Why SOP
Because her brother had an unpleasant way
OF throwing boot jacks and smoothing irons at
people"
do you keep matches?" asked would-be
wit, of retail dealer.
'Oh yes, all kinds, was the reply
well, then, [ guess I'll take trotting
match -
The retailer Immediately handed him a box
of Brandeth's pills.
Kratsalaat's wife discovered her old hen sit
ting in the back yard and "bust up her nest +"
Soon after the poor wife came in much excited
saying: MY dear Katsalaat, [ took the eggs
from Browne, and she has gone and sot onto
an old meat axe" LET her set,'' said the bill
lious old fellow; ''if she sets on an axe, may
be She hatchet!'
Boarding houses in Springfield are known as
"hash-mills, white pine biscuit factories, I"
and "sewed and pegged pie establishment. >
Hash itself had risen to the dignity of 'sati-
nette pudding The papers are jubilant over
the prospect of irstclass boarding house. an
establishment which Springfield has never yet
known.
Twas Sunday night The moon shone
bright, and all was cool and shady, when gay
young gent down Main street went a walking
with a lady. They talked of love- he called
her dove he told of his affection. She heaved
a sigh and turned her eye in an opposite di-
rection But why that start that chills the
heart, as if with ice incrusted? All do not
blame sweet Sarah Jane, to hair pins she has
trusted, but hear her shrek or rather speak
my waterfall has busted''
A justice of the peace who had but recently
assumed the dignity of that important office in
one OF the mushroom towns on the Union Pa
cific railroad was called on among his first du-
ties to pass upon the guilt or innocence of a
man arrested for murder. The following COLO
guy constituted the examination:
Justice. you, sir, did you kill that
man?
Prisoner-Yes, sir.
Justice. Was any one present at the time?
Prisoner-No sir
Justice.-Then, as it will be impossible for
the court to prove your guilt, you are dis
charged.
Mrs. Darlington says the Convention at Rich
mond is succeeding beyond her most sanguina-
ry expectations-tha she eat honey cut from
an underwood, they calls "black jack in old
Virginia, and it rebelled and gave her cholic
dredfully-that she liked never to have got re-
constructed from the constitutional arrange
ment it brought about, and her expectations
even, that the honey cut from the underwood
at the capitol, would serve EN- all in the same
way. She supposes, however, that the loyal are
saved, from having the black vomit and yellow
fever, and that the Conservatives are saved with
eight dollars day and good whisky. Dear me!
in the good old days of coon skins and hard
cider'-when wings recognized each other by
the instincts of gentlemen, as the coons did
each other by the rings around their tails-two
dollars day and roast beef was considered a
plenty. But the instincts Of gentlemen have
passed away and different scent commands its
market value at Richmond