The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1868-11-09

baggeTs and abolition poor whites have
been kept from voting. A few of them
had to be shot before they learned de-
cency and seemed content TO leave the
matter of voting in the Lands of gen.
tlemen. The result is a glorious Dem
ocratic triumph in Louisiana which we
trust may secure your election.
MAYOR MONROE.
p. G. II. b. ". BEAUREoARD.
Here all present Jumped to their feet
mour and victory. Seymour himself
burst into hysteric laugh and said,
ait is we'll" All present took drink.
The instruaent clicked away and
Church again read
LOUISVILLE, Nov. 8.
President iSeymour:- Kentucky greets
you with $1,000 mRjority.- This of
course elects you. Down with military
upstairs and abolition tyranny,
PREHTICE.
Another explosion followed this, all
drank round and the hilRrity was over.
whelming. No doubt was now enter
tained of sweeping Democratic sue
cess. Sanford Chuch, August Belmont,
Brick Pomeroy, Armstrong (editor of
Democratic paper in Ohio) and a
score of others huddled around Sey-
mour's chair and began urging their
claims TO a seat in the new cabinet.
Horatio smiled benignly and respond.
ed; .'God bless you, my children, but
my cabinet you cannot be. My con-
"stItutional advisers must be from the
''South, the cradle of the Constitution
land the nursery of statesmen"
But the telegraph was busy and
Church again read;
TAArMANY HALL, Nov.
Governor Seymour:-New York City
gives us 80, 900 majority. Greedy con-
codes us the State. Glory enough.
PrIvate-those is. 900 bogus naturRlizs-
lion papers worked like a charm.
Every one OF them WAS voted and New
York Is saved from the Jacobins. We
had McArdle here from Ohio for five
days, an expert in the business. He
can beat Tammany out OF sight on
naturaliZations,an he deserves well at
your hands PAT B. SWEENEY.
This news capped the climax of Sey-
mour's joy, and he alternately wept
and laughed, as he Rugged each person
present. except Pomeroy who hadn't
changed his shirt since the opening of
the campaign. AT last Mr.. Seymour
called for a telescope, EXPIRE ssing the
belief that he could actually see The
White House with a strong glass. He
was straining his sight in this eudeavor
when Church called for order and read
the following:
PHILADELPHIA Nov. 3.
Governor Ssymour-The die is cast.
The courts ordered the election
judges 70 refuse our bogus naturaliza-
uon papers, and this loses US II, 900
votes in Pennsylvania. The result is,
Judging from present returns, that
Philadelphia goes for Grant by four
Thousand, and the State by 10000. The
Internal boys are already selling "Sey-
mour Salt River tickets" on the streets.
My head is a fountain of tears. leave
for Europe tomorrow as my wife's
ha nlN ~ Il
dress me at Jerusalem.
FDGAR CowAN.
The reading of this was followed by
such CALCULATIONS as these PennsyI-
vaniR LOST? That can't be true? Why,
that defeats usl The whole thing is |
gone to hi Let's take something to |
drink anyhow! From Seymour came |
a sharp cry of pain followed by groans.
The Governor then doubled up like |
one In the last stages of Grecian Bend, |
and called for wash bason that he
might weep. Here friends gathered |
around the Deertield Farmer and
begged him to restrain himself till Ohio
was heard from, as Belmont had heard |
from Dickinson Just before election
and had high hopes for the State. Sey
mour smothered his sobs, aud while |
each one present TODD with handker-
chief 10 eyes, Mr.. Church falteripgly |
read the following:
COLUMBUS, o., Nov. 8.
Governor Seymour: all the |
leading Democrats OF Ohio are either in |
ara est or ID jail on trumped up charges
of naturalization frauds. and our vote |
has been thus Ear reduced that the State |
goes for Grant by at least 10000. The |
arrest of Dickinson, McArdle, Mizuer
aud PuRh has had u very depressing
effect on our party, aud thousands staid |
away from the polls. Besides, Baber
and Geiger failed to come out for Grant,
ano THIS misfortune. added to the 9TH
ers, must account for our great defeat.
Accept our sympathIes.
ONO DEN. CENT. Con-.
AS Church ceased, a suppressed
moan passed over the assembly. as an
autumn wind passes over a stubble
neld. Then seymour turned to the
Chairman of the Democratic National
Committee and said PITY me, Bel
mont, pity meW Seymour then rose,
and with wild eyes, said "Gentlemen.
am about to weep; all who can't
swim had better withdraw or get on top
OF the furniture." Preparations were
Church, standing on u high stool, went
on reading dispatches as follows;
WHITE HOUSE, Nov. 8.
Mr.. Seymour:-Our adyices here are
to the effect that every State in the
Union has gone against you EXCEPT
i've and they are mostly doubtful, You
were about as successful in swinging
the circle as myself How do you like
iIf Had you Withdrawn as everybody
wanted you to do i could have swept
the country like hurricane. As N
Is am thrown back into the RepublI.
can party, and from now until next
March shall strive to atone for past
mistakes. Ny fight against fate and
the American people ends to.day. ePri-
yate-1 rather expect some position nm
a. JOHNSON.
FREMONT Nov. 3.
n. SeyHoar:-CertRin legal embsr-
OF even the Ninth District for YOU,
me water Is low and my mill mas
ee1sed grinding for the present. Please
S Ss on me at Columbus at your earliest
'nSenienee. DIcKIN's Son.