The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1868-06-13
Gas that would go out at night and

comein again in the morning.
A sauce pan that will boil over with
rage when the cook Is insulted.
A clock that Is so conceited as not
70 run down its own works.
The coat of q poor mans stomach
Ito see if it is out at the elbows).
Good morning, Mr.. Henpeck, y
said a printer 70 search of female
compOsitors, have you got any
daughters that would make good type
setters?" No. but I have got a wife
that would make q very fine devil"
A clergyman happening to get wet.
was standing over the FIRE to dry his
clothes, and when his colleague came
IN he asked him TO preach for him. as
he was wet. No, sir, I thank YOU"
was the prompt reply; preach our
self; you will De dry enough in the
pulpit
How long does a wi dow mourn for
her husband? She our for a
second.
RECIPE FOR FINDING 4 HUSBAND.
More common sense and less wit.
More useful occupation and less
music.
More study of the Mysteries Of the
Kitchen and less of the Mysteries of
Paris.
More mending of shirts and stock
ings and less making OF bracelets.
Less display of toilets that appal
the purses Of candidates for wedlock.
More proof to men that they will
find in a wife a helpmeet and not an
embarrassment.
This recipe, if thoroughly tried,
will greatly lessen the number Of
bachelors.
Two friends. one an Englishman and
the other a Frenchman, CHANGED to
meet at the Paris Exposition.
What! you in France, my dear
William?" said the latter. 4 am
delighted to see you. How do you
dor"
Not very well. I have been mar
ried since | saw you last"
That's good
shrew."
I am sorry; that's bad"
Not altogether; for she brought
me a dowry of ten thousand pounds
sterling"
Ten thousand poundsl That's
good, 1t consoles you"
No, doesen't, for I invested the
money 10 heads of cattle, and they all
died of the disease that has just been
raging in England.
That's bad"
Not at all; for the skins brought
me more than | paid for the cattle y
F" Then you are Unidentified"
No, not altogether; for [ bought
a fine house with the money, and it
has just been burned"
HOh, what a misfortunel"
mot so great a one, either, for my
wife was in it, and she was burned
with the house."
1t is said that should Mr.. Home be
| allowed to retain Mrs. Lyons money,
he means to bestow it in charity. The
charity that begins at Home?-Puach
ANECDoTE OF Mr.. LINooLN.-Gen.
Dom Piatt says that, after the com
mission to try Gen. Buell. had closed
its labors, he happened to meet, in
the War Department, with Gen. Ty-
Ter, the gallant old soldier from Con-
necticut, who had served as one of
the members of the memorable COM
mission. While conversing with him
President Lincoln came in.
We'll, Tyler" he said, your
Buell. commission came near surviv-
ing the war; and what did you dis
cover after ALP"
I'VE discovered, Mr.. President u
responded the frank old man, that
Bragg. with thirty thousand men, all
told, drove back Buell., with seventy
two thousand veterans, from Chatta-
noogs to the Ohio River; marched
around him twice and whipped him
at last, and then retreated out of
Kentucky with all his spoils I'M
touched"
And how do you account for,that,
Tyler; is Buell. a traitor?"
No, sir; I won't say that. The
fault is in u army organization
Why exclaimed Lincoln, some
what warmly. do you mean to say
that our men will not march and fight
as well as the rebels?'
There is no Drawer or better ma
terial in the world. The fault is with
you, Mr.. President"
With me?'
!" Yes, sir. Bragg had thirty thou
sand men. He had 40 base of sup
plies, no b~urdensome provision trains,
and yet no stragglers. If a man fell
out of the ranks, under any p~retenee.
he was shot. To touch that little ar
my anywhere, was to fight a force well
under hand, easily controlled. Our
men straggle, disobey and desert, and
all with your sanction. When found
guilty by a court. you pardoa him"
80 T e. thu v7ncE nainfuf h~usi0aes