The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1868-02-14
end and and object of the Etiouett,


the earlier part Of the volume it wa
assumed that l had fallen in love
had made my offer, and had been ae
cepted by my young woman and he
family. Etiquette is hard ON IN
heels all through these preliminar
processes, and finally runs me dow
as soon as appear in the characte
of an engaged man. My behavior i
my future wife's company is of tn
last importance-and there Etiquett
has me, and never lets me go again
sin private" says the Manual, 9Th
slightest approach to familiarity mus
be avoided, as it will always be re
sented BY woman who deserves +
be wife" So. / may be brimmin,
over with Affection may even hav
put on soft waistcoat, expressly TO
the purpose-but am never to clasI
my future wife with rapture to IN,
bosom--I am never to print upon he
soft cheek momentary impression
of the pattern OF my upper shirt stud
She is TO keep me at arms length, il
private as well as in public--and
am actually expected to believe, al
the time, that she is devotedly at
tached 10 me, First insult.
A little further On (page thirty
eight) the family have their fling a
ime. l "must not presume to take m,
stand, thus prematurely, as membe
of the family, nor affect that exceed
ing intimacy which leads" ct cetera
Thus, the father, mother, brothers
sisters, uncles, aunts and cousins. al
keep me at arms length as well n
the bride. Second insult.
First persecution. During my en-
gagement, / am to be every particu
lar, and even punctilious, in my dress
My visits, which. for the most part
we may presume will occur IN the
evening, should be made invariably
in evening dress" Indeed? g? / have
been at my office all day have
dined at my lonely chop-house.
lfiy, at the risk of indigestion, with my
l"follow- chop" and my love contend
ing for the uppermost plsce in my
bosom, to the door of my charmer.-
suddenly stop with my hand on the
knocker, remember that have pain
lof grey trousers on, and turn away
!again''to case my legs in black kersey-
mere, to change my colored shirt, tc
make pomatum pills and rub them
Into my hair, to put fresh scent or
lmy handkerchief and flower in my
dress coat, to send for a cab, and tC
idrive up, at last, to my young wo,
mans door, as if she had asked me
to a party. When get in, does she
slip into the back dining room, and
privately reward me for my black
Ikerseymere, my pomatum pills, and
lmy scented handkerchief! Not she
lShe receives me, iu the drawing
room, at arms length; and her fam
lily receive me at arms length, also.
And what does Etiquette expect of
line, under those circumstances, fol
the rest of the evening? Here it is
at page forty-three / "must never
be out of spirits but when my fair one
lis sad-never animated but when she
is cheerful her slightest wish must
be my law, her most trilling fancy the
guiding star of my conduct. In com
ing to her, l must show no apprecia-
ton of time, distance, or fatigue
By Jupiter if this does not disclose
the existence OF an organized plan for
the harrassing of bridegrooms. l
should like to know what does i
put it to the women themselves "Are
you, any of you, really worth all
that ? You know you're not! What
would you privately think of man
who was afraid to come and see you
of an evening in grey trousers, and
who tried to conceal from you that
his poor corns ached little after g
Ilong walk? You would privately
think him a fool. And SO do l, pub
IliclY."
i Second persecution-in case thu
wretched bridegroom has survived
the first. AS the wedding day ap
proaches, "must come out of the
bright halo of my happiness" chap
piness : .'into the cold, grey, actual
!. daylight of the world of business. ,
!, IL "must burn all nay bachelor
, letters" = (why, should like tt
know land part with, it may be
some few of my bachelor connec.
tions"-(does this mean 'ssome few
of my relations, my blood-relations
!. who adore the very ground l treac
on !? and 1 must, finally, "bid long
farewell to all bachelor friends !''-
"Did you say all a? o, hell-kite =
all 2" Yes, there it is in print, at pags
sixty two. Myaffectionate tendencies
my grey trousers, ny comfortable
shooting jacket, my appreciation Of
time, distance, or fatigde, my bachelor
letters, my few connections, my bach
elor friends-all must disappear be.
fore this devouring Moloeh in pet
ticoats. Nothing is left me-nothing
but my evening costume and the
prospect of being married.
Il After the insults and prosecutions,
minor troubles envelop me previous
lly to the commencement of the we'd
ding day degradations, All the re
sponsibilIty of getting Moloch's we'd
ding-r ring is thrown on me. 1t must
not be too thin. or Moloch, in course
of years, will wear it out; it must not
be too large, or Moloch's finger will
let it drop off. If am self-distrnst-
ful and how can | be otherwise, after
the severe discipline to which l have
submitted during the courtship y ]
must get at Moloch's size through
the intervention of Moloch's sister
and when l have purchased the ring
| must be very careful to keep it in
the left-hand corner of my right-hand
waistcoat pocket, to be ready at 6
moments notice. Having grappled
with all these difficulties, my nexi
piece of work is to get my bride
groomsmen. / must be very partic
ular in selecting them. They musI
be limited in number to the number
of the bridesmaids, one for EACH
They must be young and unmarried
they should be handsome, they can
not fail to be good humored, they
ought to be well dressed, their ap
parel should be light and elegant
they should wear dress s-coats. Til,
bride sends white gloves, wrapped
f in white paper and tied with white
ribbon, to each of the bridesmaids
: and / must do the same to each o
the bridegroomsmen. My own COS
l......a u ho 40 hlanl, s,,:t xrLi 4.