New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1868-05-28
THE BPIsT1B OF F. P,

THE BPIsT1B OF F. P,
The readers of American newspapers are
again called upon to engage in the perusal
of a letter from Mr.. Franklin Pierce. The
task is not exquisitely delightful, especially
in sultry weather. The style of the epistle
is best described by the epithet "soggy'"
To read it produces the same effect on the
mind as might be produced on the palate
by eating slack-baked. dough or chewing
one of those pancakes composed OF equal
parts of batter and cotton batting which
a,e sometimes served up on the first OF
April. It is hardly necessary to add that
it is published in the Nationd! Intelligencer.
1t is stated by the editor of that fascinating
journal that the letter was written as a pri-
yate communication to J. G. Hoover, of
Washington, and was Of course never in
tended, sweet vislet, to meet the public eye.
We beg leave to tender to Mr.. Hoover our
sincere sympathy. To receive such docu-
ment and feel bound to read it is an af-
fiction, indeed. We can only trust that such
epistOlary wind was duly tempered to the
recipient lamb.
Mr.. Pierce, who tumbled of his horse in
Mexico, and while President was chiefly
known as "Poor Pierce" resides in New
Hampshire, where he is rapidly growing
old without becoming in the least venera-
BILE. He-solaces his infrmities by quill
driving. He is the great Democratic Man
of Letters Whenever bis party gets in
desperate need the Ex-President is proVi-
dentially discovered to have written few
days before private epistle which Just
supplies the want. 1t reminds one Of the
juvenile delights of the pantomime where
in if Harlequin indicates a wish for crow
bar, or a clock, or bottle of gin, a fellow
is instantly seen to saunter on the stage
with the very article desired under his ann.
When the rebellion broke out MIR. Pierce
was ready with excuses for the conspira-
tors When the success of the Union arms
seemed doubtful, he was ready with assist
ance for the Copperhead fire in the rear.
And now when the Democrats are at their
wits ends for candidate who may unite
their demoralzed battalions he again pre-
sents his views in column of twaddle in
fiicted upon his unfortunate correspondent,
Mr.. Hoover. Misery loves company, and
so the miserable Hoover in turn inticts the
letter upon the readers of the Ndtiona! In
telligeneer.
In this letter the Ex-President discusses
FIVE possible candidates, Pendleton, Sey-
mour, Hendricks, Doolittle, and Hancock.
The first four have elevated character
istics," whatever that may mean, while
Hancock in 1S48 had the "bound and
elasticity of YOUTH Whether Hancock,
now that he is twenty years older and is
getting corpulent, is still bounding and
elastic, we are not informed. But in Mr..
Pierces opinion the whole five have been
engaged for some indefinite period in the
"defense of the constitution" To be sure
they have been defending in various ways,
and altogether make rather motley as
sortment of candidates. The first three
have always been notorious Copperheads,
Mr.. Doolittle is a renegade Republican,
and General Hancock is the great volun-
teer jurist who distinguished himself by
sustaining the civil law in Louisiana, when
it suited the designs Of tine Democrats, and
repeatedly violating it when such viola
ton would discourage and injure the Re-
publicans. So far as Pendleton, Seymour,
and Hendricks are concerned, the honest
North and the loyal masses of the
South will spew them out as Cop
perheads. So far as Doolittle and
Hancock have been Union men in
former times, and especially so long as the
ghost of Mrs. Surratt returns to visit the
glimpses Of the moon, the rebels Of the
South will have no heart to vote for them.
No wonder that poor Pierce is muddled
when he tries to write his dreary column
about the varied Eve; and no wonder that
he goes houndering about in morass Of
platitude; no wonder that he at last tells
the unfortunate Hoover that he is not GER
tain what his Judgment may be when the
fourth of July shall arrive.n We commend
to such letter-writers the formula suggested
by Artemus the Delicious that will suit
their mental state precisely; / don't ex-
actly know about these candidates, but
from what have heard Of them should
say that for people that like such candi-
dates they are just about the candidates
that such people like"