The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-28
Short Paragraphs.

Will uO.
When you hear man say "Life is but
dream," tread on his corns and wake
him up. Life is real.
care our girls fitted for wivesf que
ries sober exchange. "Are they fitted
for husbandsl" retOrts a young itemizer.
The young lady who burst into tears
has been put together again, and is now
wearing hoops to prevent recurrence of
the event.
If it be true, as the saying is, that it is
"better to bend than break" how happens
it that chaps who go off on bender so
often get brokel
"The most quiet place I know" said
Ezekiel, sis Woodville, in Mississippi; !;
there's no quareling nor rowdyism nor
fighting in the streets. If gentleman
insults another, he is quietly shot down,
and that's the last of it."
A man describing church in Minneso-
ia, writes to friend ''No velvet cush-
ions in our pews. We don't 90 in for
style. The fattest person has the softest
seat"
A would-be gentleman the other day
called at a postoffice, and, displaying his
ignorance of natural history or the French
language, requested to be supplied with a
stamped antelope.
'Go it, old fellow" said two idle scape-
graces to an honest laborer at work "work
away while we play-sow and we'll reap"
Every likely, my lads" replied the old
man coolly, "Pm sowing hemp"
If you want to make pair of boots
last four years, melt and mix four ounces
of mutton tallow with little resin apply
the mixture while warm, and rub. it we'll I;
then put the boots in some closet, and-go
barefoot.
The late lamented Lamprierie tells us,
says Punch, that 10 was turned into
hcifer, but we have CLEANED from doc
tors prescription the following piece of
information, "Io-dide of potassium"
An Arkansas negro, expounding the
Scriptures, had occasion to touch upon an
tediluvian longevity, and in the course of
his remarks said that in those days men
didn't marry before they were two hun
dred, and, in fact, were twenty-five years
old before they were born.
A lady who had read of the extensive
manufacture of odometers to tell how far
carriage had been run, said she wished
some Connecticut genius would invent an
instrument to tell how far husbands had
been in the evening when they just step
ped down to the postofice.
"Why does the operation of hanging
kill MANI" inquired DR.. Whately. A
physiologist replied, "Because inspiration
is checked, circulation stopped, and blood
sufuses and congests the BRAIN" 'Bosh,"
replied his Grace, sit is because the rope
is not long enough to touch the ground"
Gan uploved wife," who ought to know
of that of which she speaks, because she
has so much experience, says that the rea-
son that ladies look so much to money, in
the matter of marriage, is, that nowadays
they so seldom find anything else in
man worth having.
Kratsalatt's wife discovered her old
hen setting in the back yard, and "bust up
her nest" Soon after she came in, much
excited, and said, "My dear Kratsalatt, l
took the eggs from Brownie, and she has
gone and sot onto an old meat axe" 'Let
her SET" said the bilious old fellow, "if
sho sets on an axe maybe she'll hatchet p'
A man who had purchased new pair
of shoes, finding the road to be a rather
rough one, decided on putting his shoes
under his arm and walk home barefoot.
After awhile he stumped his big toe, tax
ing the nail off as clean as whistle.
''How lucky" he exclaimed, "what tre-
mendous kick that would have been for
the Shoes"
"John," said stingy old curmudgeon
to his hired man, as he was taking dinner,
'sdo you know how many pancakes you
have eaten?"
"No."
"Well, you have eaten fourteen"
ssWell," said John, "you count and I'll
eat."
Twas Sunday night. The moon shone
bright, and all was cool and shady, when
gay young gent down Main street went,
walking with lady. They talked of
love: he called her dove, he told of his
affection. She heaved a sigh and turned
her eye in an opposite direction. But
why that start that chills the heart, as if
with ice incrusted2 All, do not blame
sweet Mary Jane, to hair pins she has
trusted but hear her shrek or rather