The Hawaiian gazette., 1868-04-22
Miscellaneous Items

has killed the bananas, turning the fruit from
a brilliant green, to black.
THE Captain of a ferryboat on Western
river, was asked by frightened lady passen-
senger, "If people were ever lost BY these
boats ~ He gave the encouraging reply,
"Not often, mA'am; we generally find them
afterward BY dragging the river"
THE o. S. Naval force of the Pacific coast
consists of two squadrons-the North Pacific
and the South Paciiic-composed Of seven
} teen ships in active service, carrying one hun
dred and twenty-six guns, with an aggregate
tonnage OF 17,0S2 tons.
A POWERFUL iron-clad, called the Hing
William, has just been finished in England
for the Prussian government. She measures
6,000 TONS aud carries a battery Of twenty
six 300-pounders, all breech-loaders, capa-
BILE of being fired as often as twice in min
ute She can make fourteen knots an hour.
A POOR woman and her child lately settled
in western city, and were greatly in need of
food The child seeing achicken in the back
yard, wanted to kill 1t, aud have pot-pie.
No, no" said the mother, "that would be
wicked, and God would surely punish you"
"Then," said the youngster, looking up,
lets move back to New York; there amt
any God there"
LITTLE Mary was discussing the great
hereafter with her mamma, when the follow
ing ensued:
Mamma, will you go to heaven when you
die?''
"Yes, hope SO, my child"
We'll, hope Pl go, too, or you'll be
lonesome"
too"
"oh, no, papa can't go. He can't leave
leave the storer'
VALUE OF LAND IN PARIs.-A table pub
lished in the Nonitelr shows that the highest
price of land in Paris is generally for places
in the neighborhood of the theatres Thus
the various sites near the Theatre Francais,
either in the Rue Richelieu, the Avenue
Napoleon, or the Place in front have fetched
per square metre 1,056f., l, ,200f and even l.
300f Near the New Opera the figures have
varied from 600f to |, ,040f, the new Vaude-
Vile from 1,000f. to /, ,250f the Galte from
450f and upwards
The RIGHT KIND OF REIIeIoN.-"I want"
says Uncle Nick, and we all want religion
that not only bears on the sinfulness of sin,
but on the rascality of lying and stealing-a
religion that banishes all small stalls, pebbles
from cotton bags, sand from sugar, chicory
from coffee, alum from bread, lard from milk
cans. The religion that is to advance the
world, says Uncle Nick, Twill not put all
the big strawberries and peaches on the top
and all the bad ones at the bottom. It win
not offer more baskets of foreign wines than
the vineyards ever produced in bottles"
CURIOUS .. s. GOVERNMENT SUIT-0ne
of the cases to be tried before the U. s. Cir
cult Court is one against Albert Cook and
others, the United States being plaintiff
Mr. Cook was Postmaster Of his village, in
Kendall County, for a time, but becoming
tired of it, resigned his position; his resig-
nation being accepted, orders were sent for
him to send his postage stamps and accounts
by express to headquarters. He did 50, but
shortly after received notice that the account
was eight cents short, to which he paid no
attention. Seeing notice that himself and
bondsmen were implicated in suit, he at
once hurried TO Chicago, and employing
counsel, went to the court room and found
that the Postmaster-General had sued him
for the eight cents. He further discovered
that the clerks cost had reached ten dollars,
and the State Attorneys, five dollars, and
that the Marshal was preparing to visit him
at Kendall County, which would add twenty
dollars more to the costs. Mr. Cook confess
ed judgment, paid costs and left Chicago.
The CUBA SUGAR CRoP.-The following is
a complete record of the sugar produced in
Cuba, and exported during the past year
Spence's report says:
"By basing our calculations on the total
exports on sugar and molasses from the isl
and, without taking into consideration the
small stocks of these staples remaining at
the close of the year, and the increase the
home consumption has probably had, we
find that the production of the cane IN 1867
gives decrease of little over per cent,
as compared with 1866, or 1% per cent of
molasses, which figures show that the antiei-
pated deficit Of the crops had been several
times over-estimated in the course of the
year. The total exports have been 1, ,449 162
boxes and 413,4S7 hogsheads Of sugar, and
297, ,6O5 hogsheads OF molasses, equal to $780,
669 tons of sugar and 1893, 443 of molasses,
against 1,45i, ,975 boxes, and 435, g37 hogs
heads sugar and 32l ,243 hogsheads of molas-
ses, equal to S45,636 tons and 20s, sos tons,
respectively, In 1S66-making the total cane
produce exported 724, ,l12 tons, against 754,-
Al tons in 1866, OF which amount 81, 81 per
cent. to the United States, 1894 to Great
Britain, 2,42 to North Of Europe, $3.50 TO
France, $50 to Spain and Italy, and 2,23 to
other countries"
LORD SfASLEY ON IRELANp.-Lord Stan
ley, among other British Minister'S was com
plimented on the ed uit., with public ban
quet, az which, he spoke of the unhappy
state of Ireland as follows:
We have indeed, in that country, strange
and perplexing problem to solve. suppose
there never was time when Englishmen OF
all parties and all classes were more anxious
to give all reasonable satisfaction to Irish
demands, and even as far as can be done
without national injury, to humor the feel
ings and prejudices of the Irish people The
material condition of ireland is not bad.
Certainly, 1t is far above the average of what
it has been in former years; the peasantry
are better fed, better clothed, and better paid
than they were twenty years ago. The more
educated classes share absolutely, and with
out restriction, the advantages Of British citi-
zenship. Nothing is wanted except little
peace and security for uncounted millions OF
British capital to pour into that country, as
English wealth has poured into Scotland,
and as 1t continues every day to pour into
colonies that are separated from us by the
breadth of the globe; yet II would be idle
to deny that discomfort is very widely spread,
that disaffection is not unfrequent, and there
is portion Of the population-I hope that
not considerable portion, who regard their
connection with England as a burden rather
than as a benefit. That is a miserable state
of things; and yet when we look for a rem
edy, WHO is there that can give US an intellie .
gible answer? don't undertake to do Il.
All venture to attempt is TO throw out few
hints, which, If they have no novelty, at least
can do no harm In the first place, don't
/ LET US disguise from ourselves the fact that
there is party-and 1t may be considerable
party-whora no possible concessions will
satisfy Those who go In for a separate ma
1 tional existence, or repeal Of the Union,
which practically comes to the same thing,
are asking FOR what they never can obtain.
and !. Is only true kindness to tell them so in
! plain terms. We will not allow the British
Empire to be pulled to pieces in virtue Of
any fantastic theories, nor because some pol
iticians may have talked unadvisedlv about
the sacred cause Of nationality as applied 20
other countries. Ireland and England are
inseparable now and forever. Then, again.
there Is another cause Of disturbances which
we may fairly allow for as being likely to pass
away Of itseif-I mean the return here Of
Irish-Amsricans who have taken part in the
7 emawr - II - -