The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1868-12-29
How to keep ChrIstmns''-.-A NInC
Years Domestic War.


n most curious and strange illustra.
ton of the inherent love of war in the
human bosom Is given in the history oil
a man and wife now living in Maury
County, Tennessee, within six miles OF
Columbia. And old couple who were
once happy and enjoyed life as much,
perhaps, rs il is possible for any mar
ried couple 10 enjoy it, live in the local.
lily above indicated. They own small
property, but have no children. They
eat their meals together daily, except
when the old man is out hunting, at
which time the lady of the house en-
joys her grub III silence. Every even
ing of the year, except one, they oc-
cupy opposite sides of the fireplace,
one whiting tobacco smoke up the
chimney, and the other che wing snuff
and growing to herself. Not word
passes. at about ten O'Clock they
simultaneously rise from the fire and
go to bed in silence.
The exceptional day TO this beautiful,
harmonious life, is the 18th of Decem.
Der, commonly called, in this Christian
country, "ChristmHs- day." when there
occurs IA regular old-iashioned fight be-
tween the silent twain. This is an an
nual battle. and, Ike other fights. is n
contest for the supremacy of an idea.
1t was inaugurated in this wise:
Nearly ten years ago, on Christmas
day, in the morning, the old man went
out hunting for something Int for din
ner. After an absence OF about five
hours, he returned with an animal of
some sort. and Singing 1t on the floor,
he triumphantly exclaimed: ~
"Thcre, there. Betty, Is grounding
for dinner" Betty turned the affair
intcntly for two minutes, and then de-
libarately Said:
"Faugh it's skunk ~
The husband didn't like this express
sion of opinion on the part of his be-
loved, but being a mild man, and anx-
ious 10 retain the long standing good
feeling between them, he contented him
self with n gentle Federation of his first
remark. Tho wife again dissented,
The husband put a little more flrmness
in his next reiteTation The lady be-
came firm also, and even INDUCED In IL
sort of subdued sneer at the Ignorance
OF her husband. lilo waXed cross.
al tell you, Bet, 1t IS n ground hog,
and don't want TO be c0ntTRdicted."
But the lady contradicted. 81 tell
you it is" and al tell you it amt" fol-
lowed each other with increasing ra-
pidity and VirulenCe, until the storm
assumed the shupe of blows. The man
pinched, and the woman scratched, I'M
ill both became exhausted, and had to
quit from sheer wenriuess.
Next day, when GOODNESS and reflec-
ton superseded heatand passion, both
silently regretted the unfortunate dit
ference of opinion, which left the head
OF the house with half his beard and
very little hair, and the lady with two
eyes of unusual darkness; but they
spoke not. No, both were to proud and
guilty for that. They remained silent
until II whole year had rolled around,
Christmas-day again came on. While
enjoying cup of thick, black coffee
and greasy cOrn-dOdger. the wife ven
tuTed TO remark to the effect that they
had been foolish a year ago TO fall out
and pound each other about SO misera-
BILE thing as a skunk.
"Yes," said the repentant husband,
ait was darnRd wicked of MS, and we
oughtn't ha' done il; but You forget,
Bet, that was Il grounding and not "a
skunk" -.
Bet did not forget; she had reason to
remember although the black eyes
were all gone then, but she knew ii WIS
a skunk. The husband thought it was
a shame for her to hold tho opinion
still, particularly when she knew it to
be ground-hog- She knew il was n
skunk-he knew i: was hog. She
knew different. The virulence again
crept in, words waxed hot and blows
followed. The scene OF the former
Christmas day was re-enacted TO u
nicely, and both went to bed exhaust
ed, with Dlacker eyes in her head and
less hair on his. They were repRntant
and silent next day, and spent the year
without speaking but when the an
niversary arrived the same scene was
gone through with religious precision,
and has been gone through with every
Christmas since. The people fgr miles
around have become aware these an
nual idiosyncracies in the LONELY and
peculiar pair, and look forward with
much interest to the develoPement of
the coming Christmas 1t may be pro-
per to remark for the sake OF perspi-
Guilty. that the lady's eyes, from being
originally light grey, have become a
conIy black from the periodical dyeing
which her cOnsiderate husband gives
them, and his hair has entirely disap-
peared, owing to the yearly operations
of her long fingers.
There are various opinions entertain
ed as TO where the war will end, but the
general belief is that the lady will use
up the old man in few more fights.