The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1868-08-25
From The September GALAXY.
A LITERAL TURN OF MIND.

suit of too muCh llteralneSS ana acute
ness of mind.
Human thought and language have
come, of course, from much use to run
in certain grooves or ruts, but there are
occasionally people who perststently
refuse to be influenced by anything
that has been done before them, and
who are consequently all the time say
ing grotesque and unexpected things.
OF such character was particularly
practical student, who, at the examina-
ton of the college of surgeons was
asked by Abernethy, "What would you
do If a man was blown up with gun
powders" He replied, 81 would wait
till he came down." "True,n replied
Abernethy; 'and suppose 1 should
kick you for such an imPerhnent an
swer, what muscles would put in mo-
tion?" 1.-THE fiexors and extensors of
my ARM" replied the student, "for l
should Immediately knock you down"
nMy son." said an anxious father
once, ''what makes you use that nasty
tobacco?" Now the son was very
literal sort of person, and, declining to
consider the question in the spirit in
which it was asked, replied, ITO get the
juice, old codger."
A lady was once converting with a
sailor who had suffered shipwreck, and,
as she took great pleasure In the analy-
cation of feeling and emotions, asked
him compassionately, "How dId you
feel. my dear man, when the cold
waves broke over you 2" But the sea-
man knew nothing of metaphysics, and
answered simply, "Wet, ma'am; very
wet"
Asmall child being asked by Sun
day.school teacher, What did the Is
raelItes do after they had crossed the
Red Sea ?" answered, ~ don't know
ma'am. but 1 guess they dried them
selves"
Queer answers are very often receiv-
ed by grown people who talk 10 chill
drsn, tor the reason that the latter have
not vet become accustomed to the sub.
leties and figuratiVe meanings and
roundabout ways of words, and, there
fore, look ut things very practically
t.Sam," said a young mother TO her dar-
ling boy, "do you know what the dit
ference is between the body and the
soul? The soul, my child, is what You
love with; the body carries you about.
This is your body, COUGHING the boys
shoulders and arms) but there Is some
thing deeper in. You can feel 1t now.
What is it?" "Oh, 1 KNOW" said he,
with a flash of intelligence in his eyes,
tthat is my flannel shirt" So an in
dulgent father urged an indolent son
to rise. Remember" said he, THAT
the early bird catches the worm" ;,
| What do care for worms" growied
| the youth, "mother won't let me go
tishin."
"a passive verb" said teacher, ais
expressive of the nature of receiving an
action, as Peter is BEATEN Now,
what did Peter do?" well, l don't
| know" said the scholar, celebrating,
'uuleSs he hollered."
Another Instructor of young
idea was illustrating the points
of the compass to two pupils.
So Now, John, what is before
your" 'The north, sir" said John,
who was an intelligent lad. 'Now,
Just donned a long coat, "wEat is be.
hind you?" "My coat tails, sir, f" said
| A youth who had been reprimanded
| for playing marbles on Sunday, was
asked, "DO you know where those lit
tie boys go who play marbles on Sun
day?" he had not been sufficiently
taught in regard to future state, and
replied, quite innocently, "Oh, yes
Some on 'em goes to the Common, and
| some on 'em goes down TO the river"
| An unexpected bit of information is
sometimes elected by this literal IN
Outstanding of questions, as when q
Sabbalh-schOol teacher was attempting
to teach very small boy the meaning
of wages in the passage, "The wages
of sin is DEATH" and asked him, What
/ does your father get on Saturday
night?'' "Drunk, ma'am," answered
the boy, without any hesitation.
So a lecturer, in Portland, Maine. oil
somewhere else, was explaining to a lit
tie girl how lobster cast his she'll wheT
he had outgrown it. Said he, "Whai
do you do when you have outgrowI
YOUR clothes You cast them aside, d.
YOU not :" ooh, no,n replied the little
one, 1--WE let ont the tucks."
Again, teacher was explaining TO {
| little girl the meaning of the word cuti
N Gle, "What is that all over my 1act
and hands ?" said he. "It's freckles
sir" answered the little cherub.
| An answer OF a similar character II
often the result of a hard word. "N il
liam" said mother to her son, whit
had already eaten a very considerable
amount of dinner, i don't know
impunity." "Well, maybe not" salt
william, at think would ruther havt
spoon" A lady noticed a boy sprink
ling salt on the sidewalk to take of thu
ice. and remarked to a friend, pointing
, to the salt, NOW, that is true benevo
! Ience.n mo il amt" said, the boy
somewhat Indignantly, sits salt" 81
when a lady asked her servant girl
the hired man had cleared off the snow
from the steps with alacrity. she re
piled, 'No ma'am, he used shovel"
This same literal turn of mind whicl
a have been illustrating is sometime
used intentionally and perhaps littl
maliciously, and thus becomes tn
: property of wits instead of blunderers
Thus we hear of a very polite and i'm
pressive gentleman who said to q youtl
, | in the street, Boy, may / inqutr
. where Robinsonis drug storeis Z" "CeT
tainly. SIR" said the boy, very respect
fully. We'll, sir, said thegentleu1h1
after waiting awhile, "Where is IL 2
a | AZ T - EoI III hnSNnVs
], said the urchin. There was anothe
boy who was accosted by an asceti
{ middle-aged lady with. Boy, / wan
n to 90 TO Dover street" well, ma'Rm,
! said the boy, "why don't you go ther
> then 2" One day on Lake George
party of gentlemen trolling anon
the beautiful islands of the lake wit
rather bad luck, espied a little fello'
with a red shirt and an old straw ha
dangling line over the side of boa
"Hello boy !" said one of them, wins
are you d0ing?" "Fishin'," came th
answer. "Well, of course" said d
gentleman, "but what do you catch
/. Here the boy became indignant at 6
much questioning and replied, t1sl
you fool, what do you 'spose ~ 90 Di
2 any of you ever see an elephants skim
Z inquired teacher of an infant clas
> 81 have" shouted a six year old fEoI
"a the foot of tho class. "Where?" aske
the teacher. "On the elephant, sal
the boy, laughing.
4 Someiimes this sort of wit degen
il rates or rises, as the case may be- lni
!. punning, as when Flora pointed per
i stvely to the heavy masses of clouds
thesky, saying, "I wonder where thoi
clouds are going;'' and her brother r
Z piled, "I think they are going to thur
,e der" Also as in the following dbl
3 logue: "Hello there how do yon Sc
vyood21 WBY The cord.n "HoW lOI