Middletown transcript., 1868-01-04
.GNit and AulnolI.
Josh Bllllngs on Prayer.

in our boots, from torohlight professions,
and from new rum, good Lord deliver us.
From pack peddlers, from young folks in
love, from old aunts without money, and
from kolera lnorbus, good Lord deliver us.
From wealth without charity, from praise
without sense, pedigrees worn out, and
from all poor relations, good Lord deliver
us.
From newspaper sells, from pills that
amt physie, from females that faint, and
from men who fiatter, good Lord deliver
| us.
From gals that chaw gum and wear dirty
stockings, and from men who don't love
babies, good Lord deliver us.
From other folks secrets, and from our
own; from Mormons, and megums, and wo-
men committees, good Lord deliver us.
From virtue without fragrance, from
butter that smells, from niger camp-meet-
tings, from cats that are courting, good
Lord deliver us sd
AN OLp LAbY IN A BAD Frx.--A very
good widow, Who was looked up to by the
congregation TO which she belonged as an
example of pity, contrived to bring her
conscience to- terms for one little indul-
gence. She bved porter; and one day,
Just as she had received half dozen bottles
from the man who usually brought her the
comfortable beverage, she--oh, horror !
discovered tyo of the grave elders of the
church appr{ {aching her door. She ran the
man out of Ithe back door, and the bottles
under the hid The weather was hot, and,
while con tersing with her sage friends,
pop went ! cork "Dear me-" exclaimed
the. good lady, there goes the bed cord;
it snapped yesterday the same way. !
must havi another rope provided" In
few minutes went another, followed by the
peculiar hiss of escaping liquor. The rope
would n& do again, but the good lady was
not at a bss. 90 Dear me, said she THAT
black ca of mine must be at some mischief
under there. Scat p' Another bottle
) popped off, and the porter came stealing out
from under the bed curtain. "Oh, dear
me p said she, 81 had forgot; it is my
yeast Here, Prudence come and take
these bcttle les of yeast awayH
A young lieutenant, residing in lodgings,
the sitting room of which was very small,
was visited by one of his fashionable mill
tary friends, who on taking leave said,
alluding to the smallness Of the apartment,
"Wel, Charles, and how much longer
do you mean to continue in this nsaslclL9''
TO which he wittily repicd, g Until
become kernel" ......a ,.. I....
3 Don't you know me? /? said Massachu-
sets soldier to his former commander.
, M my friend, don't" p'''
"Why. sir, you once saved my lifc." "
" Al, how was that Z" 4a-ana ID,
g "Wly, sir, i served under You at the
e battle If Fort Donelson, and when you ran
D away d the beginning of the fight, I ran
r after ysu--else | might have been killed.
n God bliss you, my preservcr, my benefac-
il tor p ,,...a ,.I...f f.. ..l.t,... p ..
e "PlPA, please buy me muff when you
go to Boston," said little threery year-pld
Ruth Her sister Minnie hearing this,
e " YOU are too little to have muff. VI
d ":An too little to be cold ~ rejoincd
$ the indignant little Ruth. '@ TO ''
O9Y A. .CRIER.-A famous Judge came
= late b court one day in busy season
~ wherelt his clerk, in great surprise, in
II y quiret Of him the reason 1''A child was
u borng his honor said, 'and I'm the happy
= sire, 7 IAN infant judge?" sob, no." sail
u he, 'as yet he's but a crier."
$. On of the most original of juvenile in
,e venthns was that of little Fanny, who, in
70 steadof saying her prayers at night, sprea,
ID out ler alphabet on the bed, and raisin,
e, her Eyes to Heaven, said, 80 Lord her
are tie letters--arrange them to suit your
self
ly | say, Glenn said two disputing dar
e. kid, appealing for decision to sable um
ur pirs, . which word is right -di-zactly o
i'll dazactly?" The sable umpire reflected
US ntmcnt, and then, with look of wisdom
lat sid: =" 1 can't tell per-zactly."
i, It is said to be dangerous to be workin
er sith sewing machine near window whe
ler here is a thunder storm. 1t is also dang
'e- lirous to be working near some sewing ms
ry hines (that wear gaiters) when there is n
thunder storm! r., ....L @
an TENDER HEARTED. Mrs. Jones, ia,
'rq mer's wife in Connecticut, says 81 bley
h I've got the tendefest hearted boys in tt
Il world. can't tell one of en- to fetch
pail of water but what he'll burst out
cryin' y -......
Z i" Papa" said q little boy, g ought IL
I master to fog me for what did not do
/ /" Certainly not my son." said the fathe
y "Well," replied tie little fellow, :; he d
T. to day when 1 didn't do my sum"
Never set yourse lfup for musician ju
T. because you have got drum in your ca
C. g. nor believe you ate cut out for schoo
he teacher merely BECAUSE you have puE
Us in your eye.
%, Johnny" said , carpenter to rath
nd green apprentice, ''have you ground all IL
o ,ce tools right?" ." All but the handsaw,
ge could not get all the hicks out of that"
nd Why are young ladies' kissing each 9th