The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1868-11-28

Hembod is not cazy-he is advertising
They won't let poor Carloua read the
papers.
Gen. Grant is reported BY a st. Loui,
correspondent 10 be worth 100000.
Chicago spends two millions year OF
bllliards--a cue rious fact. Boston Post
An Old serew-Tbe "Great Britain, long
life to her.-Judy.
Squib says that thanksgiving week always
give him feeling of mince.pety.-Lo,cei
Courier.
The "best illustrated paper out"--a bank
nOte.--Judy
Julius, did you ever see the CatskII
MountainsT NO, Sambo, but I've seen
the cats kill mice"
Rose Bell, who is breaking the hearts Of
young New York, is Madame Gamboge, wife
Of Frenchman of that color, who takes
good care of her morals and salary.
"They do say that over at the University,
if student desires to know anything about
ox.driving, they put him through n course Of
Geology and HarticuItare. Wonderful,
ISN'T it.
Intellectual creature-"No, its utterly i'm.
possible for fellah to stand this disgusting
weather. ! feel as if all my brains were
going to the dogs" Dear, dear. Poor
dogs
The vices Of Americans are brief; |. An
inordinate passion for riches. .. Overwork
fthe mind and body in the pursuit of bust.
ness. 3. Undde hurry and excitement in all
the affairs of life. 4. lntemperance in eat.
ing. drinking and smoking. 5. A general
disregard Of the true laws Of life and health.
ado you mean to say there is cholera of
any kind in this city sir?' asked an iudg.
nant New OrIeanser Of a stranger, AYES,
| DO" was the reply. "Then sir, must say
that your beliefs but phantom Of your
imagination r. Every well, then, that's the
cholera IN phantom, isn't it?'
A white man IN Houston, talking with a
n egro, remarked, 81 was taught to believe,
before ! came south, that the negroes were
compelled to drag the ploughs on the pauta.
tons When the freedman, unable to con.
tain himself longer burst out, "Lor &c.
whillicans, master Dem must bin hired
niggers what dey tell you bout"
A touch ofdyspepsia, growing out ola pigs
foot swallowed at midnight, has changed
mans whole life, and an irreguarity of the
bile has made many an angel almost iiend.
If the gastric juice is alright, and the blood
in swimming order, the world is nice,
bright, pleasant place, and from which no.
body is in hurry to move; but If, in that
queer mysterious fluid, there is any alloy,
the sky Of life is all cloud, the winds howl,
and everything is dark and dismal. If you
want to feel happy, look after your digestive
and circulating systems.
Talking Of the education question, trav.
cIcr observed that as he was walking on one
occasion under the arcade of the horticultu.
raj garden, looking at the works Of art dis.
played there, he came upon two well,dressed
ladies examining statuette oil Andromada,
labelled "eXecuted in terra Gotta" axe.
cuted in Terra Gotta" says one "where is
that?' 81 am sure don't know returned
the other, "but pity the poor girl where.
ever it was.
The n. Y. Tribune publishes curious
statement. The writer states that in walk
ing down Broadway he saw manappearing
TO be drunken sailor, walk up to a beggar
woman sitting on the curbstone and pretend.
ing to be blind, and deliberately kick her.
Great sympathy was aroused, and the woman
made a very handsome collection from the
passers.by. She walked down few blocks
where precisely the same scene was reenact.
ed. This performance was repeated two or
three times, when the woman went to her
home in Water street, or rather to q beer
shop there, whittier the reporter followed her,
and found her and three or four more "blind
beggars,' with their sight restored, and all
rejoicing in their good luck for the day and
in their toddy.
One evening little girl ofsix years heard
her father read an account of a mechanic
whose arm was torn by machinery. No one
she took any notice oft, but when
she went up stairs she began to sob violently.
When asked what was the matter, she eX-
claimed ooh dear! what shall | do if they
marry me to a machine man p Her mother,
scarcely able to repress laughter, replied,
Don't cry about that, my child; perhaps
you will never be married" "Oh yes,
SHALL she responded, trying to swallow her
sobs; they will marry me to SOMEBODY, and
as likely as not he will be a machine man; and
if he breaks his arm all to pieces, / sbant
know nothing what to do
A bachelor was discovered in the lone.
liness ofhis chamber, chanting the following
expressive lines:
When I remember all
The girls I've met together,
| feel like rooster in the fall
Exposed to every weather.
feel like one who treads alone
Some barn yard all deserted
Whose oats are Aed--whosc hens are dead
And off to market carried.