The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-01-31
PRICE FIVE CENTS.
Mit and Aamor.


Certainly not, my dear" replied the
mother; "but what do you ask such sill.
ly questions for?"
"Because ] have dropped the basket
with all the eggs in it," replied the
promising youth.
Wages went to the depot of one of
our railway the other evening, and
finding the best car full, said In loud
tone:
"ThiS car isn't going! ~
OF course these words caused gencr-
al stampede, and Wages took the beet
seat. The cars soon moved off. In the
midst of the indignation Wages was
questioned
"You said this ear wasn't going"
"Well, it wasn't then, it is now !"
The "sold" laughed little, but
Wages came near getting good thrash
ing.
TRoD UPON HIS ToEs.-Iast night,
at the theatre, n gentleman felt the
pressure Of two little fairy feet upon
his patent feathers. At first the sensa-
tion was delightful. 1t made mex
pressible delightful thrills pass through
his body; but these sensations wore
away, and the pressure began to feel
the least bit uncomfortable.
"Madame!" he gently suggested,
"Hou are standing on my fectr
"Your feet, sir"
"Yes, Madam"
"Goodness / beg your pardon, sir;
l thought Twas standing on block Of
wood-they are quite large, sir ~
'luite-bmy you corercd 'em n,dddDl."
FREE MAsONRY.-"Was Uncle Paul
a Mason?" Ike asked of Mrs. Parting
ton as he stood looking at the rigid pro-
file of the ancient corporal of the
Bloody 'Leventh" that hung on the
wall.
mo, he was n veteran sargent natu-
rally, though he took to gardening af-
forwards, ,'and raised the most wonder
ful squa.hes that always took the pr-
mer at the Horticultural Affair"
81 mean was h ca Free Mason, ;" con-
tinued Ike.
80, dear, no." replied she, land Im
glad of it, for they are q good deal too
free in throwin' their plasterin' round,
which!.is very mortarfying andEtakes
the color out of things: so; and lwhen
they whitewashed the kitchen didn't
they make. free with the balmy bud
rum which they mistook for cordial.
and wish:to gracious it had been.
metic to have taught 'em lesson to be
"a little less free next time"
: "But Free Masons," said Ike pctu.
lantiy, "aint masons; I mean the fell
: lows that built the temple"
'O!' she exclaimed, ''them: Well,
= dear, ! have heard of good many
:. things they did, and then have heard
: OF good many things they didn't, and
n SO between 'em both don't believe
: neither. 1t is IL great mystery" she
!, whispered, ''and if they did kill Nor
t gan, they ought to have done it if they
agreed To, tho twas bad thing for
him. But | never believed the story
n told OF him s>ulling up Niagary Falls
< in potash Kettle with crobar, which
| 80 - t''''Ni i'N"i anu tS IDI iilt HEIuiEDn
thereby hangs II tale, and the Lord
L knows what they do in their secret
: cemeteries When they get on one anoth-
c er's clothes by mistake and cut up all
! sorts OF capere, to say nothing of the RI
dicu!ous aprons which do mako 'en
d look so queer"
The interest of Ike had ceased, and
~ he had turned his attention to anoint-
ing the cat with an application of soft
d soap.
z \ WAR REMINIsCENCE.--Just before
g the late rebellion there came to the city
OF st. Louis, an eastern lad named
" Fiske. Having been reared to the rigid
t. notions of New England, eating for
e. mental fodder Jonathan Edwards
ii tracts, and attending Sunday schoo
4 regularly, it is no wonder he acted
according to his natural bent, ant
le played Off good in the new city wher,
he had sought All asylum. lie 'tende,
N meetin' regularly, and the old womel
all puckered up their mouths and oh
served, what II nice young man -
The war broke out and Fiske prayed
I'd He prayed long; he prayed we'll; h
prayed so efficiently that he praye
himself into II chaplaincy, which havin
~ secured, he turned about and pFeye
nd on the community and people throug
n. whose influence he had attained hi
od honor. lie was stationed at the ba
i'd racks near st. Louis, and being Il GOO
ON reader, ii occurred to him that he woul
he read the Bible to his regiment eveI
w. sunday. But it soon grew stupid
his have only gang of rude, iliteTate &C
on dicrY, many of them foreigners, hear
e; fine reader he felt that ii was Wa
IN ing sweetness on the desert air, or PIT
ho ting pearls before swine. According
vas he sent invitations to the ladies to con
nx out and hear him read. That being
period when most feminines had bra
buttons on the brain, we can reudi
sCd see how the invitations were accepto
are and, one Sunday, when the regime
ing was drawn up in rank and file, and
I ." goodly number of teminines were
% the spot the following scene occurred
but l'iSke had read with considerable z
hat to, amid dcathlikc stiffness, the
ave count of the contest OF Sampson "
mt the Philistincs, and the report Of
victory.
Scarce had he concluded when n |
at vate stepped from the ranks, salu
ecu his chaplain, and said, "l'd like to
t or that book, sir"
de- The chaplain handed it to him, 1
and amid an unbroken quiet he read
4 to passage slowly to himself, shut up
book and handed it back.
"What did vou do thai for ~ :