The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1868-07-03
HUMOROUS.
Something In Dutch.

The following was sent me by my
5, Dutch uncle, in the Eastern part OF
the State, who was formerly stiff
Democrat, but seems to be on the
fence Just at present. lie calls this
DER DEMoKRAT JoHNNEY sCHoIoKER."
Pendletoner. PendIetoner,
Kanst du spieler, kanst du spieler;
Ich kan spiel init der Bender,
Tick. tick, tick. das ist der Bender.
Shudge Shasee, Shudge Shasee,
Kanst du spieler, kanst du spieier.
Yah, yah, yah, ich kan spieler,
Ich kan spiel init all der Peoples
Now dis, now dat, NIT der Peoples.
GUY Seymor, Cav Seymor.
kanst du spleler, kRnst du spieler:
yah, YAH yah, Itch kan spieler,
1eh kan spieler nit der Ballot Boxer,
stun, stun, stun das list der Boxer.
Och. mine donder, Och, mine donder,
Ich nab Bender, ich hab Bender;
Und mine seIVs ist all der peoples,
Und der1der votes kounts list mine
und all desc fellers list good for nix
Und many LIST viel lesser all's none.
Und / so'sinsIde some lager bis derIeetion
list done.
You will observe that my uncle lost
all signs of measure in the last verse,
his feelings overcame him, and can
imagine him Bubsiding, in bier halle.
Yours supremacy,
OBIT. f.. r.. DICTUM.
A loug.Winded Meriden minister
had got down to tenthly," a few
Sundays ago, and was settling HIM
self for a fresh assault, when an in
patient little girl exclaimed piteously,
:" Oh. motherl he isn't going to stop
at all he Is swelling up again J"
Many a grown up child will sympa-
thize with her.
A correspondent of the Chicago
Times relates a conversation between
a clerical gentleman and q DISCOVER
Of tobacco in a railway car My
friend, you use tobacco see" " Yes;
have sOme2" GSquirt.l No, sir.
How long have you cheWedP Let
me seel A reflective squirt About
twenty years" " Have you ever tried
to stop it2'' :. Yes. Three or four
times?" Can't you do ftp" = Yes
| could stop well enough squirt if it
wasn't for other folks" How is
that2 " Well, you see, stranger
Isquirtl whenever | try to stop, my
hiredmen behave SO eussedly squirt
and my wife acts so like the d.
squirt and the preacher breaches
50 Ikea id fool" Here oc-
Cured prolonged, indignant election
Of highly colOred saliva, during
which q roar of laughter from the
nearest passengers indicated that they
saw the point, and the balance of OBJ
struotiOns, if any, remain unknown.
Miss Nippers, do you believe in a
future state2" asked Rev. Mr.. Seek
we'll at the Sewing Circle gathering
at the South End, the other night, as
the two sat in a corner, Miss n. hav-
ing just finished an embroidered
flannel waistcoat to be sent to the
Bareside Indians, in the far-off Lew
er Down Islands. Dear me, Mr..
SeekWell, how can you suppose / be-
lieve in anything else / wouldn't
live a single woman all my life for
the world, was the innocent reply.
1lr. Seekwell was observed to squeeze
her right hand very decidedly, and
Immediately suggested a benedic-
ton to the Society. Miss Nippers
didn't have to go home alone that
night-nOt very much.
One evening, after a weary march
through the desert, Mahomet was
camping with his followers, and over
heard one of them say, I" will loose
my camel and commit it to God" on
which Mahomet spoke, Friend. tie
thy camel and commit it to God"
An Irishman who was illustrating
the horrors of solitary confinement,
made the melancholy statement that
ont of one hundred persons sentenced
10 endure this punishment for life,
only fifteen survived it!
Why would Venus, descending from
Olympus, be like a liberal husband?
Because she would come down hand
some. t
a TALE FOR TAILoRs.-The single
and married tailors of Hartford, are
to play game of base ball on the
Park, on Thursday. It seams to
as that the bachelors boast Of giving
fits " to the marred "snips," j!
made out of whole cloth % They
may be pressed hard, but if the
young 'uns don't get good basting,
aud be glad to shear pretty thor
oughly waxed," you may cut tn,
thread of our discourse, and aware
US only a "thimble full of brains
Let the beaten party, however, throw
feat. keep down their collar" an,
the victors refrain from rubbing tn
nap of the cloth the wrong way
NJ II. Register, Jhhe l6
A Story or Two CALyEs.-JiI
Smith was a noted auctioneer. On
day he was selling farm stock
Among the articles to be sold was
heller, very attractive in her appear
ance, and consequently Jim" DIVE
quite extensively on her many exec
lencies, winding up his eloquent fiOu
rish with the statement that she wa
gentle rs a dove" Thereupon,
long, slab-sided countryman, who's
legs were some twelve inches longe
than his pants, approached the heifel
and, STOPPING down, commenced I
handle her teats. Bossy, not relish
ing such familiarity, lifted her hooi
and laid Greeny" sprawling som
ten feet off.
There. said Jim, . THAT show
one Of her best traits; she'll neve
allow a strange calf to come nes
herl
Greeny meanwhile picked him
self up, and giving his bushy pate
narrowing scratch, exclaimed:
wonder when her O1cR calf has be,
6teatiAg around her all day" M
A gentleman was praising the bea1
tiful hair Of lady, when one of tho,
precoeious little Misses who alwa,
have q word to say, remarked .
guess my hair would look as well if
took as much care of it. Mann
never sleeps in her hair"