Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1868-02-08

people TO pieces aud hang EN- up TO dry
but can occasionally jerk criticism to
nv own satisfaction as we'll as ANY
other man." This bold assertion may
seem strange to less gigantic intellects
than those weighing down some Of our
social lions, who really know who is
President, and can accurately rehearso
the plot Of Beadle's most thrilling dime
novel. SO hasten to rush the fact into
your editorial ear.
Some anxious inquirer, who wants a
little slashing done, and doesn't feel
competent to undertake It, thus writes to
your most veracious correspondent:
Mr.. BEN ZoIS-Sir Your article on
the soiree was just the thing, aud hit of
lots Of fellows and things bunkum. Now,
while your hands in, let me suggest
another topic for you to slash away on.
It's this cussed fashion fellows have got
into of routing other fellows out Of their
seats at theaters and concerts. IL pay
for tickets and carriage just to have a
young lady sorter 10 myself, and enjoy
her company, / don't want TO be com
PEELED to get up every act for some TEL
low I'm not acquainted with, who doesn't
take ladies out, but who puts in his CAB
lively, and because I'm modest, browns
ne out. That is, sometimes and often
the ladies are more annoyed than | am.
NV experience is that OF cords offellows.
IL a lady and are intimate with fellow
who also takes ladies 10 tho thester,
don't object to him ringing in occa-
sionally; but it makes me bile all over
when one of the other sort comes along.
Isn't il an Internal nuisance, Mr.. Zoin ?
and won't you give it thunder
Yours, sufferlngly,
THEoPHILUs BLIFFKISs
T. Bliffkins doubtless halls from the
bucolic regions, and isn't educated upin
the social conventionalities as illustrated
in this paradise Of coroners and busted
banks; elsewise he wouldn't make Judy
of himself But he means well; and l
forgive him.
Theophilus, I'm strong in the belief
that you're an unadulterated Muggins,
whose maternal parent is unaware of
your absence from the vine and fig tree
of adolescent youth. When you grow
older, and your ponderous intellect ex.
pands, you will observe these matters
through the medium of different kerosene.
Until then it shall be my duty to instruct
you in the way you should go fifty better.
That you invest your shekels in car
riages and tickets to shave a young lady
sorter to yourself and enjoy her com
pahy' is a delusion, which you needn't
hug any longer-not the young lady, but
the deluson. Of course you know what
mean.
T. B. should know that the chief end
Of man, next to hiding whisky cocktails
and putting demoralized stamps into
the sasser at church, is to please his
neighbors It's glorious thing, that in
this blessed country all are created free
and equal--free to make mugginses OF
themselves, and equal to the require
ments of the various frst-class lunatic
asylums. And when T. B. complains
because other fellows run him out, he
simply develops disposition to exercise
his freedom and equality in the popular
way.
It's only your old fashioned fellows
who escort the Semanthes, Felicias and
Mariannes about on spondulix basis
Only those who innocently imagine a
position beside chignon at the theater
a guarantee of monopolization for the
evening, tear their raiment when one of
Bliff kins' horrors comes sailing along.
And it. all because these unsophisticated
GROWERS amt thoroughly up to the
sueezing material. If they were thor
oughly up to the Maccaboy they d esteem
it the petroleum of felicity to vacate
comfortable seat to fellow who'd see
their charmers at blue blazes rather than
take 'em to see Frederick twist sour
krout into Dutch music, and then go
into the Hobbies and get their corns
mashed. But some people never can
accustom themselves to the reinements
of society.
Theophilus, it isn't discourtesy for an
utter stranger-by whom | mean one who
wants to utter something to your sweet
heart-to lift you out of your seat and
monopolize Semanthe for an hour, while
you go sloshing around like bear with
sore head. It's style and talent, and
he does it for your good. Don'tyon see ?
He observes at a glance that you have
lots of money, and if unable to talk
through in one night, can come again,
and are literally spelling to make some
fellow happy by saying: " Take my seat
little while ?" Cant you comprehend ?
Besides, he feels sorry for Semanthe,
whom he doesn't believe you competent
to entertain. Heis gifted in the weather,
sweethearts, the price of bouquets and
other brair-wearying topics, which fall
on her ear sweet as the stains of Eolian
harps or the gentle murmurings of
canine with an oyster can tied to his tail.
Won't you understand2
And when his gsbatorial organ is ex-
hausted, or, suddenly remembering an
engagement to see a man at Wealth
erbee's TEMPERANCE Headquarters, he