The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1868-09-05


Her Jones has got:
Pm on the brine.
Der the wild waters,
Through tue white foam,
Wife, sons, and daughters,
Cost me no home.
Ha, ha On bllow
Sleeping, | ride:
Head let Jones pillow
By the Seaside
AN EXCUSE FOR BEING QUARRELsoME.-In
very hot weather you may be as disagreeable
and disobliging to your friends as you please.
II a GOODNESS arises, so much the better.
GODFATHER TO GREAT GUN.
The Pail Mall Gazette says:-
"We have been informed that the Peabody
gun has been adopted as new arm by the
Swiss Government
The Peabody gun perhaps derives its name
from its aptitude for throwing shells, and thus
in manner shelling out. Considering what
shot it may be supposed to carry, we may es-
innate it to be at least a hundred thousand
FOUNDER.
THOUGHT BY AN OPTMIsT.-The good people
there are in the world are wholly unknown to
many of us. De you doubt it =? Then tnink
of the perfect strangers you have met with in
your life.
THE WRoNG MAN.--''The Chancellor of the
Exchequer left town for Loeb Letter." The
Postmaster General would have sounded much
better.
SITUATION NOT WANTED. CA FAcT) .-Lady's
Maid (come after place.. ~ beg pardon, nm,
but was you the lady was to attend ?''
Lady Mary. eyes"
Ladys Maid. go, then, think I was best
say good morning. There isn't the style
have been accustomed to-" ETt.
SERMONS AND SUFFERERs.-People who COM
plain of the length and dulness of sermons
should consider that listening to the discourse
of an average clergyman is an exercise of the
Christian virtue OF patience. Perhaps it may
be said, indeed, to be something more. It may
be regarded as sort OF Protestant penance.
This view is confirmed by the fact that the
Ritualists, as rule, preach short sermons.
They very likely think it quite enough to
enjoin their penitents to get themselves fog
ged, to crawl long way on their hands and
Knees or walk about with peas (unboiled) in
their balmorais. Therefore we may suppose
that, when Ritualists preach, they consider
ately endeavor to infict as little as possible of
their tediousness upon their hearers.
A TBsTIMoNIAL.-The other day worthy
gentleman was presented with clock as a
testimonial. Now what would the present Of
clock signify? Certainly not that he was
"up TO the time of day." or the gift would be
superfluous. Had he been the secretary of
company on the verge of dissolution it would
have constantly reminded him of the minutes
of proceedings and the Winding-up act. Or
was the testimonial satirical, covertly limiting
that the donee was time-server If none OF
these, why elock2
TWO EQUESTRIAN PERFORMANCES.
tAnnouneed as Display Of PTemlership)
AsTIEY's-A(qrc9s.
ST. STEpHEN's-A Dark OSS.
SPORTING.
A CORRESPONDENT sends us the following
heading to an advertisement which caught his
eye the other day.
OFT OF FOX HUNT, BY HERRING These
- four beautiful Colored Pictures, etc.
A Fox Hunt by Herring must surely be the
picture of Drag.
WHEN is an author most likely to be sick of
his own writingl When he's regularly in the
Suing.
SCIENTIFIC TERMS.
(Noted in This Hot WeatherO
A6sorption.-Iced Brandy and Soda.
RGdiatton.-On the Countenance after GER
tain number of glasses.
RgtectiOn.-As to taking one more or not
TONED PAPER.-Sheets of Music.
"MEN WERE DEoEvERs EVER"
Swell Cat the Civil Service Co-Operatiye
Store). "Haw want two or thwee pounds
--Bacon-and-aw-' 'blige me by doing it up
like Box-Gloves or Flowers, or something O.
that sort !"
SAGAcITY OF THE SERPENT.-A Python at the
Geological Gardens once swallowed his blanket
He was supposed to have mistaken it for a
rabbit. This supposition is probably erroneous
More likely the Python wanted an anodyne,
being troubled with pain in his inside, aud
swallowed the blanket because he mistook it
for counterpane.
AMPLE Room AND VERGE ENOUGH. - We
always had high opinion of the generosity
of the Americans, but their hberality in their
treatment of political offenders is more than
regal. DiOnysius sent away Phintias (no, Sir,
not Pythias), but he kept Damon. But Mr..
Jefferson Davis, who is to be tried for high
treason late in the Greek Kalends, is comfor-
tably settled at Liverpool, leaving nobody as
hostage except Horace Greeley and few
friends, whose names are to a bond which
will never be enforced. American talk some
times riles US few but, by the Capitoline
Jove Eve mean Mr.. Sumner), the Americans
are gentlemen.