davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26
W4
A NEW LOVE TEST.

The English papers tell of a sentimen-
tai individual named Stanhope, who, bav =
ing become possessed with the notion that
his wife was not so fond of him as she
should be, resolved to put her love to the
test. This he did by hanging himself in
effigy in the attic, and concealed himself
where he conld watch the effort of the
spectacle, Here is the sequel
After awhile his daughter came up
after skipping rope, and caught glimpse
of the suspended figure. She ran down
the stairs, screaming, oh mother, moth
er pappy hung himself" "Now for it, y
thought Felix, in ambuscade, "we shall
have a touching scene presently
Hung himself" he heard Mrs. Stanhope
repeat, as she walked leIsureiy mp stairs.
"Ile hasn't got pluck enough for such a
thing or he would have done it long ago.
Well, believe he has done it. however" +"
she SAID, as she came in view of Felix's
representative. Molly, to the girl, l
think he ought to be cut down, You had
better 90 into the kitchen and get knife
my dear but don't 60 down too fast or
You might fall and hurt yourself Stay,
| forgot. There is no knife in the kit
chen sharp enough. You had better go
around to Mr.. Holmes, the shoep aker-
he's only four streets off-tell him to whet
ii before he sends it. And, Molly, when
you are in the neighborhood, you can
stop at Aunt Snkey's and ask how the ba-
by is. And, Molly you can stop at the
grocer's shop as you come back and get a
pound Of sugar"
Poor Felix " sighed Mrs. Stanhope,
when her daughter had departed. | hope
we shall get him down before the vital
sparks extinct, for these burying are
very troublesome, and cost money. He
wanted to put an end to himself, too and
| think | ought to let him have his own
way for once in his life; he used to say
that was always crossing HIM. l wish
he hadn't spoiled that new clothes line /;
an old rope might have answered his pur-
pose" Here voice, which sounded like
that of the supposed suicide, broke in
upon Mrs. Stanhope, thinking this must
be ghostly exclamation, uttered a wild
Scream, and attempted to escape down
the narrow staircase. Felix, starting from
his place of coOcealment, gave chase
Mrs. Stanhope stumbled midway on the
flight of stars, and Mr.. SJanhope having
just reached her, and made grasp at her
disheveIed hair as it streamed backward,
the amible partners were precipitated to
the bottom together both were badly in
jured.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26
TEACH THE WOMEN TO SAVE.

There is a secret A saving woman at
the head of family is the very best saving
bank vet establshed-one who receives de-
posits daily and hourly with no costly ma
chinery to manage it, The idea of saving
is pleasant one, and if the women would
imbibe it at once, they would cultivate aud
adhere to it, would be laying the founda-
ton of a competent security in stormy
time, and shelter in rainy day. The wo-
man who sees to her own house, has large
field to save in. The best way to make
them comprehend it is to keep an account
of all current expenses. Probably not one
woman in ten has an idea of how much
are the expenditures of herself and family.
Where from one to two thousand collars
are expended annually, there is chance to
save something If the effort is only made
Let the house wife take the idea, act upou
it, and she will save many dollars, perhaps
hundreds, where before she thought it i'm
possible. This is duty, yet not proRpt
ing of avarice. but a moral obligation that
rests upon the woman as well as the man.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

A decent looking Irishman, stopping at q
hotel to warm himself, inquired Of the land
lord, "What was the news r. ID.
Landlord, disposed to run rig upon Pad!
dy, replied
They say that the devil i. dead p
"And sure" qnoth Pat, "that's news iu-
dade"
Shortly after, Pat stalks up to the baf, and
deposting some coppers, resumed his seat,
The landlord, always ready for customer
asked min what he would have.
'Och, sure, sir" said Pat, ''it's the custom
IN my own country, when chap like you
loses his daddy, to give him few coppers 10
belp pay for the wake"
Landlord stood treat all around. .s.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

A BIG Straw j. NJ Bore, "a vet
eran who served four years in the army:
who for twelve years has been an active
member of the Republican party, and who
was Secratary of the Meaia Delaware Coz
Grant and Colfax Club, at a meeting of the
Seymour and Blair Democratic and Con-
servative Club, held at the Wigwam on
Thursday evening last, came forward and
enrolled his name, along with fifty others,
as member of the Club. That's what we
should call big evenings work in the good
cause, and fully verifes Governor Seymour's 8
words that the Democrats are strengthen
ed in their faith by the co operation of the
great body of those who have served in the
Union army and navy during the wal" =
The soldiers demand the Union for which
they fought, and they see no hope of OBJ
tanning it outside of the Democratic party.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

YOU SHAN'T SLEEP WITH ME-Mr.
Pilkerson, a small farmer in Pennsy yIvania
was drafted into the army. The wife,
though possessed but little stock of gen
eral information, is one of the best of
coniugal partners, and she was much
troubled at the thought of parting with
her husband. As she was engaged in
scrubbing off the door steps, rough look
ing man walked up and thus addressed
her:
II hear, madam, that your husband
has been drafted"
"Yes, sir, he has, answered Mrs. Pill
kerson, 4" though dear knows there are
few men that couldn't be better spared
from their families"
. Well madam, | have come to offer
myself as substitute for him.
=" A what?" asked Mrs. PiIkerson with
some excitement.
a am willing to take his place., said
the stranger.
"You take the place of my husband
and sleep with me-you nasty, dirty
wretch! I'll teach you to insult dis
tressed woman in that way, you vagabond J
said she as she discharged the dirty soap
suds in the face of the discounted substi-
tute who took to his heels just in time to
escape having his head broken with the
bucket,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

A young lady reading the prisoner of
ChiliCn" TO another, came to the part where
the prisoners hair was changed gradually
from dark to white, when she was interrupt
ed with:
"White How very odd, to be sure Well
I know nothing about mems hair, but there
is our old friend, Mrs George, the lady who
has just been twenty nine for the last fif-
teen years her husband died, you know,
last winter, at which misfortune her grief
was so intanse that her hair turned CON-
pletelY black within twenty hours after the
occurrence of that sad event."
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

The NEGROES SIMILE.-An old negro,
named Pete, was much troubled about his
sins, Perceiving him one day with very
downcast look, his master asked him tho
cause.
"Oh. msssa, Pm sich great sinner"
sBut, Pete," said his master, 'you arc
foolish to take it to heart. You never see
me troubled about my sins"
81 know de reason, massa." said Pete,
''when you 60 out duck shootin' and kill one
duck and wound another, don't you run after
de wounded duck
eyes, Pete," and the master wondered
what was coming next.
"WelI, massa, dat is de way wid you and
me de debil has got you sure but as he
am not sure ob me be chases dis chile all do
time"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

A YoUNG AND PROMISING LAWYER
ABANDoNs THE Foul PARTY-RobeIt s
Morrison, Esq, young and brilliant law
yer. son Of ex-Mayor Morrison, of Allegha
ny City, addressed Democratic meeting
in that city on Tuesday evening last. Mr.
Morrison stated that it was his first appear
ance in what he had always supposed was
the camp of The enemy, but he could think
so no longer He was now with the De
mocracy heart and soul, as he could not
stand Idly by and see the country ruined
by the party that had gained its ascenden-
cy by deceiviug the people.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

"Bridget i Bridget (! why don't youl bring
up the lemonade % said Mrs. S. on the 4th
of July, FROM the top of her kitchen stairs. |
"Why, marm," said Bridget, wiping the
sweat from her red face with her checked
apron, as she put her head round the stair
case partition, why, marm, you see the ice
put in the lemonade is so hard that it
hasn't melted yet, though it's stirring over
the Are I've been for the last ten minutes or
more"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

"The smacks of Heaven p' said youth, as
he kissed the maiden's cheek. well you've
plenty Of lip, Pm sure" replied the maiden.
"Yes, andsyou'7e plenty of cheek" re>
sponded the youth, as he repeated the oscu.
lation.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

NINE FRAU-A German wrote an obtu-
ary on the death of his wife, of which the
following is a copy "If mine wife had lived
until next Friday she would have been dead
shust .wo weeks. Nothing Is possible with
the Almighty. As de tree falls so must II
stand,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

No NAME During the French Revolu-
ton man applied TO the passport office
for passport.
"What is your name ?"
"Nis." .......
"What?"
"Nls." .r
"Nonsense that is no naras.." .. .
"You have abolished Saints, haven't
you 2"
"Yes,"
"And you have abolished De p
eyes" b..
$50 my name is Ms; for before the Rev.
olutlon | was called ST. Denis"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26
D0etru.
From the Bloomsbury Columbian,
A NEW OLD HAT.

II M " Ok1 1A04s
BY COL. FREEZE.
When this old hat was new
All parties we're intent
To nominate statesman, fit
To be our President;
But now Ben Buffers Radicals
Their former faith recant
And put to be voted for,
The shouldOr-straps of Grant.
When this old hat was new
The Union was complete,
Nor we're ten equal, sovereign States,
Trod under Sambo's feet;
Nor will they long thus subject be,
In spite of Cufee's vaunt,
Unless the vote Is given for
The shoulier-strsps of Grant,
When this old hat was new
Each man could right bis cause,
Nor did tho cleaning bayonet
Uswped the place of laws;
Bot soon again the civil rule
Will tyranny supplaut,
Uuless the vote is given for
The shoulder-straps of Grant.
When this old hat was new
FuIl.happy we're we.sll,
With gold and silver in our purse,
We feared no debtors thralI;
Now, small will grow our pocket-books,
And gaunt. and still more gaunt,
If eel. the voteiis given for
The shoulder straps of Grant.
v hen this old hat was new
This goyernme to run,
But sixty million dollars cost,
And then it went like fun;
But now, THREE HUNDRED MILLIONS
make
The people toll and pant,
And swear tteir votes shall not DO for
The shouIder-straps of Grant.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

A married woman in Wisconsin says that
when her husband is little drunk he kicks
her, and when he is very drunk she kicks
him she says she does the greater par: Of
the kicking.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

"Good morning, Mr.. Henpeck," said d
printer in search of female compostors "hava
you any daughters that would make good
type settlers ?'' "No, but l have wife that
would mako fine devil"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

A lively urchin accosted q travelling msf-
chant, the other day, and cried, in an earnest
voice "Mr. -,please give me an apple
my brother goes with your sister. He'll do.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

A man whose wife had just died, was ask@
ed by friend if he felt lonely. Lonely 2
you bet 1 do. Why, dang it, man, Ed rather
lost my best cow"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

A lady, waiting upon the subject, says
"Wben men break their hearts, 1t Is the
claws-another sprouiing Immediately and
growing in its place" 4tg 81,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

Quilp, who has heretofore been Tnivet-
sallst, now believes there are two thinga dee
tined to be eternaIly lost-his umbrella and
the man who stole it,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

He who tells lie s not sensible how
great task he undertakes for he must be
forced to tell twenty more tc maintain ore.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

ew- II was hoped Pant A. Loon would
reform, but he is seen growing tighter and
tighter on The streets daily.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26
Wiss ami ptbsrhtst.

A fop often fancies be is cock of the walk
when he is only coxcomb.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26
Myoming 4emorrat,

A Democratic weekly
oauer devoted to Poll
cies News, the Arts
ul Sciences &c. Pub
li.hed every We dnes-
day, at Tunkhannock
wyoming County, Pa
sY HhRV Y SlCKleR
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-08-26

The above articles will be kept in full assortment
I mean to make the experiment of goods sold in
quantities cheaper than before in this vicinity
shall be happy to see you, and ycu can depend up
on finding bargains In every department. Goods re-
ceived every week.
Respectfully yours
e. ,HRE@NRe
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06

States-cotton and sugar. Lands most
productive of the best qualities of these
essential necessities to all tho conditions,
convenience, and comfort of man, will
be in constantly increasing demand, and
nature, in its progressive creation, seems
to be preparing the alluvium of our
Gulf States for the supply Of the world.
The logic of events should not be mis-
taken, aud in the progress of things, let
US wisely apply its reasoning, and pre-
pare tor a great future. The expert
ence of the past half century is convin-
cling proof that the Gulf States are to
furnish the main supply of cotton and
sugar to the world, and the deltas of the
Mississippi basins have proved them
selves the most productive and profitable
soils for the growth of these staples Of
commerce. 1t has also proved that they
are principal among the sources of
revenue, and lead in the agricultural
wealth that POUNDS and perpetuates our
commercial prosperity.
Should these views present this sub
ject to your mind in new and more i'm
portant light than you have heretofore
considered it, l beg to suggest the ap-
pointment of board of engineers, en-
jRept in science and practical engineer
ing, to examine into the expediency of
the plan here foreshadowed, and that you
ask of Congress an appropriation of
money to cover the necessary expenses
of such surveys and examinations as will
enable them to report understandingly
on its practicability and estimated cost.
I am.very respectfully, your obsdient servant,
B. s. ROBERTS,
Brevet Brigadier-General o. g. army.
HoS. E. M. STANTON,
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06
The Murder Of Mr.. Pollard.

J. Marshall Hanna, the associate edi-
tor of the Southern Opinion, in card
Just written, makes the following state
ment in reference to his connection with
the article which is generally believed to
have been the cause Of Mr.. Pollard's
death:
al am the associate editor Of the
Southern Opinion as such wrote most
of the original articles that have appear
ed in its columns. Much wrote of my
own volition, and more / wrote by spe-
cisl direction Of the editor-in-chief. I
prepared the article which cost the edi-
tor his life. Itloas prepared By has d.
rection. Afterwards, convinced that its
publication would be impolitie, if no (
unsafe, asked that the article might be
modified, or expunged altogether, or the
names left blank or filed with initials
that would have left the case without =
local habitation.
The article had then passed from the
control of the associate; it was then the
property of the editor-to print or with
hold. He was responsible, not I and
no matter how much 1 had desired the
assumption, 81. Riyss Pollard always as
sumed, and never evaded, the response
bility Of every line and paragraph print
ed in the Opinion. I an resP0nstble z
was his invariabls response 10 applicsnts
for redress.
"No; the blood of 81. Rives Pollard,
- .ssoriate "a not uDon our banda
We are innocent in the sight of God, and
shall prove ourselves innocent in the
opinion of men l never consented to
the descent of the Southern Opinion from
the lofty pinnacle it once held ! never
willingly prostituted its columns, though
| have at times prepared paragraphs for
insertion that / know caused me keener
pain than they did these fer EhsR tAsy
wsss inhaasds
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06

SomsAlnes the big world vexes me,
SOMETIMES dull care perplsxes me
Somstimes on the sea OF lie
Su "a slormN around me cluster,
Ard rear, and rave, and bluster,
seen 10 sink in the strife
No mater! THERE'S always a truce
In lite heat OF the widest war;
At le&akI dream or think SO,
As smoke my q st cigar.
sometimes when nothing ails me.
Except that The money fails ne.
envy the rich In the pride,
Though their only oovir US merit
Is ihn gold that they inherit,
And couldn't caro- II they Ir.ed:
Bot quiet y after dinner
/ Danish suck thoughts afar:
What do care for Fortune.
As smoke nay sscond cigar7
Sometimes in the heartless city,
think II shams and pity
That cash and virtue are one.
That 20 sWindls for shillit q seems avfu!
While to pander for millions Is lawful,
II only successfully done.
But why should mend It's morals
Or cali toe vo' Id TO my bar?
I've dtRed, and wish TO bs Quiet-
III smoke my third cigar.
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06
Poets under a cloud.

The King of Bavaria has just with
drawn the pension which the popular
German poet Geibel has received from
the privy purse for the last fifteen years.
The immediate cause of the royal dis
pleasure is poem which Geibel wrote
to welcome the King of Prussia on his
visit to Lubbock, Geibel's native place,
and the reason alleged in the official
communication is ethe change in Geibel's
political sentiments. Geibel has writ
ten q long letter to the King of Bavaria,
in which he first resigns his professor
ship at the University of Munich, and
then declares that there has been no
change in his political opinions, and
that in his earlier poems he always ex-
pressed an ardent longing for great
united Germany. The events Of 1866
had only given the feeling more de6n-
ite form. Geibel has many friends in
Munich, and his loss will be the regretted
moro at that capital, as it involves that
of another literary celebrity.
Paul Heyse, the well-known novelist,
who was also in the receipt of pension
from the royal purse, has written to
the King of Bavaria to the effect that,
as be entirely shares Geibel's political
sentiments, he also wishes to resign his
pension.
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06
ESTABLISHED l84.O.
FOR the Sunday Appeal.
MOURN FORTBE MOURNER, AND NOT
FOB THE DEAD.

For heis e. rest and we are IN tears"
Ogd Hsoreas Dsree.
We shed our t=ars Ike summer rain,
When some beloved spirit files;
For, while We eeupt our loss his gain,
Unhidden drops toll blind our eyes.
Sut, weeping for him, We forget
Those dearest III "a still left 20 earth,
VINO, mourning at his grave, have yet
To mourn for aye 3 darkened hearth.
He is st rest, they are n tears:
The hes " cross they hsve TO bear
In sorr ", through the coming years,
We cannot fully know or skere.
But sympathetic words mey steal
Some psng from deaths sore-wcunding
dart.
And heartfelt tears, like bslm-droPs. heal
Some silent sgony OF heRri.
Then to the mourner. rot the dead,
Let tribute ef our tears be given
BY svery drop that thus Is shed
We egRin stronger hold on Heaven.
For every tear peal OF price
Shall deck the vestments spotless white,
The soul shslf wear IN Paradise,
When freaks a. length deaths heavy
night q. Z. s.
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06

1t is said the British expedition to
Abyssinia brought back several hundred
volumes of manuscript, one Of which
contains an illustration Of the Isrselites
crossing the Red sea, well armed with
muskets. Who viii say there is any
thing new under the sum-
The donations to literary institutions
in the United States during the last five
wears amount to s15,212,50 This does
not include the appropriations from State
legislatures. Of this amount s2l0, ,000
vsrs Donated 10 hbssriss,
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06
wELcOMs TO THE BABY.
BIZ FLoBEEoE HoszEs.t

L
kmbryo man! thine hour OF birth
Erings 10y TO this dull earth;
gbiil Novembe wears a smile
On MS darkened face ths while;
ana hone's bower Is less forlcrn
For bud OF hope is born.
II.
In0uEh without the wind Is cold,
aillrg through the lsafess wold,
insome wee thing" AIR to sight,
Heicoms to sweet air and ight
Round thee, in thy cradle sleep,
Watch and ward the angels keep.
III.
lines OF loveliness and grace
Visible In form and face,
Tell t2is of her who bore thce
while she bends in beauty o'ef thee;
Sunbeam of the hou .ehold hearth
Welcome to our dsrkened earth
owEeo, TiogA county, Nov. %, 1903
"a daughter of ". H. C. Hosmer, the Bard o
hYOu.
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06

"A French writer suggests the fol-
lowing problems as worthy of practi-
cal solution, and deserving the attention
of the ingenious Il. The gray or white
feathers Of the ostrich fade out when
touched by time, and lose almost all
their freshness and value. A process of
whitening or cleaning in the dry way,
4 as to restore the original lustre, is
manded. 2. The little ornaments of
gilded copper, for the hair, so much in
vogue among the ladies, have been re-
placed by similar objects Of jet. How
can black and lustrous varnish be ap-
piled to the copper articles so as to i'm
itate the mineral, and net to be distia.
guishabls fsn il,
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06
THE SMOKER.

"A daughter of W. H. C. HOsmsr. the Bard o
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06
THE SABBATH QUESTION.

Breyet BrtgToier-Gs
HoN. Z. M. STANTON,
Secretary OF War.
Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1868-12-06

See git Get Ecoesais celebre
Ce calculation sans eyal,
Out, Parles regles de algebre,
Amis la France a lHopitaL"
Belzebub beEat law;
I.sw bSgat the Mississippi;
The Mississippi bGgat the scheme;
The scheme begat the paper;
The paper begat the bank;
The bank begat the note;
The note bsgal the share;
1he share begat the st ck-jobbing:
The stock,IobblDg begaI the registration
The reg strAtion begat the account;
The account begat the general balance:
The General balance begat zero
From which all power of begetting was
taken away"
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1868-03-10
PORTLAND & ROCHESTER RI,

WINTER ARRANGEMENT
rHzz5H On and after Monday, April H. 1857
9s2R%3Y trains viii run as follows:
Passenger trains leave Saco River for Portland al
$50 and 900 A. NJ, and $40 p. NJ. Leave Portland
tor Saco River 7.16 A. NJ. 2 o. and $50 P. NJ
Freight trains leav. Saeo River $50. NJ; Portland
1915 p. NJ.
kE- Stages connect ct Gorham for West aorham,
etandish, Steep Falls, Baldwin, Denmark, Sebago,
Bridgton, LOWELL, Hiram, Brownfeld, Frycburg,
Conway, Bartlett, Jackson Limngton, Cornish. POf
at Buxton Center for West Buxton, Bonny- Eagle
South Limington, Limington, Limerick, Nswfsld
Parsonsdeld and Cssipee.
md North Windhsm, daily.
BY order OF the President.