The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1868-05-01
A Li.tie Nonsense.

Why is mouse like load of hay
Because the cat'l eat it .-7
"Will Mrs, s. ever speak the truth
any more, MAJ The big girls said she
had new set of falsehood teeth"
A lady writer says woman can't
sharpen pencil, and that is an end of
it; she don't want to hear any more on
that point
A Michigan undertaken thus CRATE
fully responds to friend who had done
him favor: IF you ever want coffin.
call on me. l shall be most happy to
bury you and all your family at the
lowest cost price!
An Edinburgh paper lately contained
the following advertisement: Wanted
"a handsome young lady, about seven
teen years old, to 60 to ball on Tues
day evening of next week. No girl
who eats onions need answer.
NJ. Indennerecb, the executioner of
Paris, has improved the guillotine and
its management to such an extent, that
he can cut off a mans head in six
seconds from the time he reaches the
seaffold, is the victim is only accomo-
dating. He is rich, but follows his pro-
fession from philanthropic motives.
As Nashville belle, at ball, was lift
ing glass Of water to her lips, young
man, pale as death, rushed into the
room, snatched it from her, drank it at
a gulp, staggered against the wall, re-
covered himself, and explained that he
was troubled with the heart disease.
An old picture represents king sit
ting in state, with a label, Z" govern
alP-a bishop with a legend, Il pray
for ALA soldier with motto, 81
fight for alI".-aud a farmer drawing
forth reluctantly a purse with the in
scription, 81 pay for all" There is
more truth than poetry in the idea.
Townsend says that Grant is over
reticent about politics, but will talk
freely about Mexico, "that land" says
the eloquent Townsend, "already hal
lowed with the body of Cortez." As
a matter of fact, Cortez died in Spain !;
but that is of no moment to an elo-
lquent newspaper correspondent.
One very busy day John was sent to
school to get him out of the way. At
nighthe came home and jumped astride
his mothers lap. "Ma, what did you
do to-day without no pudmuddle and a
Johnny to wade in it !" sI missed
you" his mother said. "Hah you'll
find. out how much worth | am in this
house.
50 HOLMES VERSION OF AN OLD STORY
Once on time notion was started
that if all the people in the world shout
ed at once it might be heard in the
moon. So the projectors agreed il
should be done in just ten years. Some
thousand ship loads of chronometers
were distributed to the selectmen and
other great folks of allthe different ma.
tions. For year beforehand nothing
else was talked of but the awful noise
that was to be made on the great occas
lion. When the time came, every ybody
had their ears so wide open, to hear the
universal ejaculation of Boo,-the WORD
agreed upoD,-that nobody spoke ex
cept deaf man in one of the Fejet
; Islands, and woman in PekiD, so tina
the world was never so still since tht
) creation. asE
! After the British and Indians, VIII,
had surrounded Fort Stephenson, com
manded by the gallant Colonel Croghan
: had been forced to retire, the Colonel
/ as an act Of humanity, sent out part,
to ascertain if there had been an,
| wounded men left behind, aud to briny
them into the fort. - Il Ta..
At the foot of large tree was seatec
I ban Irishman, who had been severed,
wounded in the head. The ball haC
struck Just above the forehead anc
J ploughed its way across his skull, from
which he was, for the time being. 8
completely stunned as to be unable t
, take any care Of himself. One of th
z party remarked to him, "Why, Jimmy
, if that ball had gone an inch furthe
7 down, it would have killed you.' T
: which Jimmy replied, BE jsbers, if
!, had gone an inch higher up, it woul'
] not have hit me snra - 49, = /. -