Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1868-01-31
Mark 'Eyyain's EaI0gy of the
Fair Sex. Ie "i.

The Washington Correspondents Club
held its anniversary a few days ago.
Mr.. Clements, better known as Mark
Twain, responded to the toast, g Woman
the pride of the professions and the jewel
of ours" He said:
MR. PRESIDENT: do not know why
should be singled out to receive the great
est distinction of the evening-for so the
office OF replying to the toast of woman
has been regarded in every age. APP
plause. | do not know why | have re-
ceiyed this distinction, unless 1t be that |
am trlfe less homely than the other
members of the club. But, be this as il
may, Mr.. President, am proud of my p0-
sition, and you could not have chosen any
one who would have accepted it more
gladly, or labored with heartier good will
to do tine subject justice than l. Because,
sir, love the sex. Laughter. l love all
the women, sir, irrespective of age or
color. Laughter.
Human intelligence caunot estimate
what we owe to woman, sir. She sews on
our buttons, laughter, she mends our
clothes laughter, she ropes us in at the
church tairs--she confides in u.s. she tells
us whatever she can find out about the
little private affairs of the neighbors-she
gives us good advice, and plenty OF it
she gives us piece of her mind, some
times--and sometimes all ofit-she soothes
our aching brows-she bears our children.
In all relations of life, sir, it is but just and
graceful tribute to woman to say OF her
that she is brick. Great laughter.
Wheresoever you place woman, sir-ln
whatsoever position or estate-she is an
ornament to that place she occupies, and
q treasure to the world Here Mr.. Twain
paused, looked inquiringly at his hearers,
and remarked that the applause should
come in at this point. 1t came in. Dir.
Twain resumed his eulogy1 Look at the
noble names Of history! Look at Cleopatra
Look at Desdemona! Look at Florence
Nightingale! Look at Joan of Arc
Look at Lucretia Borgia! Disapproba-
ton expressed. DWELL" said Mr. Twain,
scratching his head doubtfully, suppose
we let Lucretia slide."] Look at Joyce
Heth! Look ct Mother Eve repeat, sir,
look at the illustrious names of history !!
Look at the Widow Machreel Look at Lucy
Stone Look at Elizabeth Cady Stanton!
Look at George Francis Train! Great
Laughter And, sir, | say with bowed
head and deepest veneratiou, look at the
mother of Washington! She raised q boy
that could not he---c0uld not lie. APP
plause.1 But he neoer had o1eg chance. It
might have been different with him if he
had belonged to a newspaper correspond
ents' club daughter, groans, Kisses,
cries of "put him out" Mark looked
around placidly upon his excited audience,
and rcsumedl
Irepeat, sir, that in whatsoever position
you place woman she is an ornament to
society and treasure to the world. AS a
sweetheart she has few equals and no SUI
periors-[ laughter AS cousin she is con-
venient; as wealthy grandmother, with
an incurable distemper, she is precious; as
a wet nurse she has no equal among men
Laughter.
What, sir, would the people of this
earth, be without women? They would be
scarce, sir. Then let US cherish her-let
US protect her-let us give her our sup
port, our encouragement, our sym
pathy = ourselves, if we get chance.
Laughter. @
But, testing aside, Mr. President, woman
is lovaole, gracious, kind Of heart, beauti-
ful-worthy of all respect, OF all esteem,
of all Difference. Not any here will refuse
to drink her health right cordially, for
each and every one of us has personally
known, and loved, and honored, the very
best one Of them all-his own mother