davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19
A SINGULAR ADJUTANT.

During the battle of Waterloo, ayoung
man on horseback stationed himself near
the tent of the Duke Of wellington, at
tentively watching the battle. Yelling
ton turned round upon him suddenly,
with the air of a man who was looking
for somebody, and on seeing a civilian
quietly standing and looking on, he ask
ed him rather abruptly: HWho are you?
What are you doing here ~ my name
is JONES' replied the man. Il am a
travelling agent for. the large hardware
house ef Smith & Jenkins, of Lohdon.
When learned at Brussels that bat
tie was imminent, rode .hither to see 1t,
but I am afraid I shall have to lose the
pay for my horse ; the enemy's balls are
IN most unpleasant proximity" "Will
you render England a service by taking
an order to a certain point | shall indi-
cste?' "Why not? 1t is a matter of
indifference to NE where [ so. But will
your officers to whom [ am to take that
order believe me % 'The re-take nav
ring and Cell the General what I am go
ing to tell you now. The agent took the
order, galloped out into tae thickest of
the battle, and the execution of certain
movements of his army gave the Duke
the assurance that his order had been de-
ivered. The travelling agent, however,
was nowhere to be found, and Wellington
supposed him to have fallen. Mary
years after this singular incident, a Mr..
Jones was announced to the Duke, then
at London, desiring to see bim yelling
ton instantly recognized his quondam
adjutant, and questioned him as to the
particulars of his perilous undertaking.
Jones told him that after delivering the
order, he had been tossed about for sever
al hours, and lost his horse by cannon
ball that, however, he had not taken
any part in the battle, since it did not
concern him, The Duke smiled, and
asked how he could express his gratitude
for the service rendered. Jones, by that
time made partner of the house, recon-
mended the same for government con
tracts, and Smith, jenkins and Jones
have ever since, furnished the coal shoy-
els for army and navy use.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19
AN OLD JOKE REVIVED


The Boston Post tells how Mrs. -Har-
rlson Gray Otis, a welI-known lady of
that city, was yictimized the other day by
the revival of an old trick which was re-
iginated, we believe, by Theodore Hook.
The Post SAYS:
'.Some wag had sent a large number
OF bogus invitations to members of the
haut ton, asking their attendance at a re-
ception to be given at her residence, No
IL Mount Vernon street, yesterday after
noon. Notwithstanding the severe snow
storm very large number of persons re-
sponded to this invitation, and at one
time the street in front of her dwelling
was completely blocked up with theirlcar-
rlage5. But these was not the only peo-
pie hoaxed. lnnumerable orders were
sent to artisans of all kinds---to plunders,
painters, carpenters, gas filters, etc--to
come aud perform little jobs Of repairing
about the house-each job minutely speci
fed in the order. Other orders were
sent to coal-dealers, -four dealers, grocers,
etc, to bring stated quantities Of their
respective kinds of merchandise, to be
delivered at stated times Even the
services ofan undertaken were brought
into requisition to lay out the body Of
supposed dead child, and, in response to
an advertisement in the Herald, members
of The feline TRIBE were brought to fill
out the miscellaneous and veriegated as
sortment. Who is the author of this
strange hoax we are unable to state, but
all the facts of the case have been placed
in the hands of detective Leeds and his
assistants, who will probe tbs matter to
the bottom. The several orders are writ
ten IN as many difference styles OF. hand
writing. Mrs. Otis bore the lnhiction
very quietly and did not allow the matter
to disconcegt her at all. Two policemen
from the Third Station were sent to the
house to turn away the Yictimized persons
as fast as they arrived =" .-. !. s.
Theodore Hook, passing through Lon
don one day with a friend, noticed quiet
house IN Verners street, the residence of
II widow, and laid wager that he would
make the house famous. Accordingly he
sent out four thousand Invitations 10 vari-
Gus persons, of all ranks, trades and pro
fessons, asking them, for various pretexts,
to call at that house at such day and
hour All sorts Of workmen came to re-
pair. the house Cabinet. Ministers came
to learn something Of Importance to the
Government" the Archbishop of Can
terbury came to receive tne astounding
revelations cf the dying confession Of 4
great criminal ladies of rank and mer-
chants wives came in their cerriages, to
meet old friends; all sorts of literary
hacks and men who lived by their wits
came on invitations to due the street
for long distance was completely choked
up WITH a sGrging, struggling mass of
carts, carriages, and foot passengers of
every description, all trying to reach the
door Of the before unheard Of but thence
forth famous house.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19

mon scandal !; she must not trust to spy
or informer, but rely upon his truth and
her own intGitions. 81 "
IF she expects 20 find Cheyalier Bay
ards, and Admirable Crichtons, and I'm
maculate Josephs ready for her oshing,
she will most likely remain without a
husband. She caa only hope for an ap-
Proclamation to the ideal but if she is
true hearted, sincere to the core, unset
fish and lovely in her own life, she will
be sure to make the dear one whom she
allows to be head Of the republic at home
not only happy man, but a progressive
y god man, growing into spiritual in
sight, advancing in dignity and manly
worth, for she will be his helpmate in
building this house
In conclusion, [ think woman will not
marry before she is twenty; for by 80
doing she looscs that fresh, joyous, hope,
ful period of life, and a very essential
part of it for the sake of health, study,
and consolidation Of charact er-her girl
hood and she viii in after life, be sure
to mourn the loss of this lovely period.
She will be twenty at the very least when
she marries, and like true woman, she
will look for right manly man, who will
be handsome in her eyes, and represent,
as nearly as possible her ideas Of mascu-
line perfection-good sense, mental,
moral and physical health and. above
all, the certain fore rest and protective-
ness, always attractive in the eyes of a
woman. Ehza6eta Odkes Smith.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19
HANDSOME MEN.

Many thanks to the great A.lthor and hnisher
| of ali faces, there are but few handsome men,
and they were the result Of accident. Beauty
is woman's prerogative. To man it is an un-
fortunate deformity, inclining him to his mir
ror, which like some artful, pretended friend
pays him in advance the compliments his
greedy vanity demands. A man and looking
glass should be as incompatible true dignity
and fattery. Handsome men who possess
talent, are generally fascinating Villains with
out talent they are brainess, egotiStical fops,
oppressive with perfumery and resplendent in
neck-ties and jewelry. Man ''unadorned is
adorned the most" Would that he believed
this as he prefesses to. He calls himself the
''lord Of creSton," disclaims against vanity
and contemptuously elevates his nose against
his ''weak sisters" love Of 'Ffnery." But en-
ter the masculine lodge rooms, where, closely
| guarded from feminine eyes tEat might look
sarcastic, were they admitted, he drops his
mask and troops about, trying to look pretty
regalia of he brightest hues, ornamented wit
sparkling stars and gold and silver fringe, gay
trailing robes cover manly forms, rainbow
hued aprons worn by men, and men bow
heads which should be crowned with thought
to receive tinsel decked toy. These things
are not required in order to lay plans for the
veal of humanity; and the gold spent in this
purchase would alleviate the misery OF the
destitute, who suffer even while these costly
baubes SKINNER on heads that are planning
for their relief Let be manly, robed in
honor, jeweIed with good deeds and crowned
with virtue and integrity. Fair complex ions
and rosy cheeks make beautys boyer brig htcrs
But are Of lite worth in tie sterr conflicts of
manhood. FIENNE.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19

A FAMILY THAT COULDN'T SPELL
TURNIP Being at dinner, Johnny pass
ed lis plate for tdrnip 'Spell turnip,
johnny, and will serve you"
"T-u r-n-o-p," shouted the young hope
full.
"Oh, fly! my son, that is not right;
hold up your head and hear how your pa
spells it: t-u-r-n-u-p" (turnip).
"Sakes alive" ejeculatod mar IN, from
the head Of the table. Il should like to
know if [ am married to man that can t
spell his own vegetables"
Mr.. Smiths dignity was wounded.
He had been a sctooImaster down East
and he thought he knew turnips.
"Spell it yourself, my DEAR" cried Mr..
Smith, wiping his moustacbe with unusu-
al care, while he glanced knowledge
around the table.
"Well, [ guess I'm able to-" jerked
out Mrs. Smith, with a sublime toss Of
her cap border; ''t-u-r-n-e- -p--turnip,
Words are generally spelt as they are
pronounced"
Il say it's pronounced turn-op," shout
ed Johnny.
"It is pronounced turn-up," said Mr..
Smith.
1T is pronounced turn-ep, " reiterated
madam.
After much wrangling, the family re
membered there was dictionary in the
house, which. was called for, and as we
left, we had the pleasure of hoaring them
spell it in concert with evident surprise
-u-r-n-lp.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19

THE DROUTH IN GRANT COUNTY
The following extract from private let
ter to the Sentinel dated Platteville, Feb
ruary 4th, will serve to illustrate the suf-
ferings(?) of the people in the southern
part of the state on account Of want Of
water. We only fear that if this state of
things continues much longer Grant
County will give a Democratic majority
next fall:
The weather has been delightful almost
all the time since you were here. The
only drawback is the fact that on account
of the absence of rain and snow, the sup
ply of water is failing in all Of the wells,
the cisterns having given out weeks ago.
The result is that we have to drink whis-
KEY for common" as the children say,
and reserve water for extra occasions.
The results are not pleasant, and besides,
it is devilish expensive to pay,,six dollars
a gallon for whiskey and consume two gal
Ions day. AS matter Of ecoaomy, we
insist on the hired girl doing the washing
in whiskey that costs only four dollars
per gallon. She objects on the ground
that 1t has so much prussc acid in it that
it rots the clothes but at the present
price of water it is absurd to expect US
to use it to make suds with For culin-
ary purposes we find that whisky does
not '.fill the BILL" in all cases, For in
stance-yesterday [ ordered boiled eggs
Of course tte5 were boiled in the best
"tangIe-leg," but when we bro5e them
open, instead of being "well done, they
were filed with 'egg nog." Funny, but
true Had to mix my lather with forty
rod" on Sunday morning, and the com
bination of the liquid and the soap result
ed in removing my beard, without the
assistance ola razor. Of course the skin
came with the beard, and left me as raw,
red, and ill-natured as a newborn baby
laboring under his first attack Of cho!ic.
I applied "Mrs. Winslow's Soothing
Syrup" and the result is beautiful,
heavy, glossy, black beard in the place of
the one of which [ was despoiled Ny
former beard was not black, in fact, rath-
er the opposite, as you perhaps remember.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19
SKATING FOa GIRL.

The american agricultural fors Feb
urary, under the above head, replies to
anxious mother" In regard to skating as
proper amusement for girls. Weagree
with the editor when he says that be eau
see no reasonable objection to cit on the
score of health and morals. We have
known, it is true, occasional instances OF
injury. to the health from indulgencesin
this amusement, but it was clearly trace
able to unsuitable clothing and imprudent
exposure after the exercise. The same
causes would have been quite as damag-
ing to the health of boys 1t is very
common error to suppose that girls need
clothing less substantial than their broth
ers, because they usually spend muci.rless
OF their time III the open air. This is
rather an argument of warmer clothingt
that they may feel the change less aud
be guarded against taking cold Too
thin clothing for girls is radical vice In
our household economy. A great -outcry
was made against thin shoes a few years
ago, and the fashion was changed very
much for the better u fza 49,,
But this was only single item in
which reform was demanded. The girl
is quite as sensible to cold as her brother.
and demands as much clothing from head
to foot. The want of it accounts for
much Of the neuragalgia, the rheunatiarns.
and diseases of-the throat and lungs thas
affiict our American women The Eng
lish set US an admirable example in this
respect. With q climate much less Sc,
we're than ours in winter, they dress fnush
warmer, and their women are trained
from girlhood to outrdoor pursuits and
amusements. They grow up with robust
constitutions, well acquainted with the
mysteries of the field and garden, tie
barn and stock kyard; as much aceustS tSf1s
ed to riding and walking, and as capable.
of enduring fatigue, as mar. pheir
shoes may be little clumsy, aud theis
complexion not so .deheste, but they Raye
what is better than external grace SQUAD
bodies, and that good common sense
which comes of practical acquaintance
with out door life; Their refinement is
not measured by dress and complexurr. .,
We have welcomed the present fashion,
oi Sha[ihS because II took. our SlflS mOFG
into the open air, and enabled them 10
share thelemusements Of the other sex.
1t is not necessarily too Seyere.i sgit
strengthens the muscle aud accustotaa the
body to graceful movements. For augEf
we can see, the girls take to it as kindly
as the boys, and it is quite as helpful ID
their physical training. OF course tsale
amusement, like any other, needs resalas
ton, and must have its appropriate timez
and places,s 1t may become mania and
Interfere with more important mattoIst :
1t may lead to midnight excursions and
bad company :, There is. no place of abr
solute safety, eitLer IN work OF, play, for. :.
the young They need amusement quite
as as much as work, and kindly .ovsrsight
and guidance iniboths - s7a l.r7
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19

The following extract IS from Prof.
4 g 4ssiz's new book entitled GA Journey
IN Brazil: = a#E@
"A region Of country which stretches
across whole continent and is flooded
for half the year, where there can meyer
be railroads or highways, or even pedes-
train travelling to any great extent, can
hardly be considered as dry land. 1t is
true that In this oceanic river system the
tidal action has an annual instead OF a
daily ebb and flow, that its rise and fall
obey a large orb, and are ruled by the
sun and not by the moon but it is,
nevertheless. subject to all the conditions
of submerged district, and must be
treated as such. Indeed these semlii-an-
nual changes Of level are far more pow
'erful in their influence on the life of the
inhabitants than any marine tides. Peo~
pie sail half the year above districts
where for the other half they walk, though
hardly dry shod, over the soaked ground;
their occupations, their dress, their hab-
its are modified in accordance with the
dry and wet seasons. And not only the
ways of life, but the whole aspect of the
country, the character of the landscape,
are changed. The two picturesque cas-
cades, at one Of which we took our bath
the other morning and at this season
such favorite resorts with the inhabitants
of Nianaos, will disappear in few
months, when the river rises for some 20
feet above its lowest level Their bold
rocks and shady hooks Will have become
river bottom. All that we hear or read
Of the extent Of the Amazon and its tri-
butaries fails to give an idea Of its immen-
sity as whole. One must float for
months upon its surface, in order to un=
derstand how fully water has the mastery
over land along its borders. Its watery
labyrinth is rather a fresh-water ocean.
cut and divided by land, then a net work
Of rivers Indeed, this whole valley is an
aquatic, not terrestrial basin and it is
not strange, when looked upon from this
point of view that It's forests should be
less full of life, comparatively, than lis
rivers"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19
A VALUABLE RECIPE.

"Take four pounds Of rags and a bunch of
shavings, ---
An old tin pan and bunch Of straw;
Then steal an old hat of somebody's Ieavings,
And swear its your own to get clear of the
law. g..
"Next get an old stocking and stuff it with
paper,
And if it's possible put in mole;
Then get some old china and nutmeg CRATER,
And make them all up in nice little roll.
'Put all these things in net of red,
And glislening beads must cover them all,
Then faSten It Oh the back of your head,
And you have love of a waterfall" ..
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19
TO A BEAUTIFUL STRANGER.
By JOHN GODFREY SAKE.

A glance, p smile-I see it yeti
A moment ere the train was starting:
How strange to tell I've scarcely met,
And yet | felt pang at parting
And you-alas that all the while
'Tis [ alone who am confessing-
What thought was lurking in your smile
Is quite beyond my simple guessing.
I only know those beaming rays
Awoke in me strange emotion,
Which, basking in their warmer blaze,
Perhaps might kindle to devotion.
Ali many heart SIS staunch as this,
By smiling lips allured from duty,
Has sunk in PASSIONS dark abyss
"Wrecked on the coral reefs of Beauty r.
And so, tbs well the trains swift flight,
That bore away my charming stranger,
Took her-God bless her out of sight,
And me as quickly out Of danger
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19
xgEGGEEEE0ERN
TFW FT .F

,JE w E L ER,
Has recently opened JeWelry Store III john
son block, corner Main and lst street, where ne
will keep constantly on hand large stock OF
Watches, Clocks, Jevelry, Silver and Plated
Ware, &c &c. Particular attention paid to
repairing Watches, Cloaks, Jeweiry, &c, and
warranted to give satisfaction.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19
/. REISDORF,
Manufacturer Of

Harnesses, Saddles, Brides, Whips,
Blankets, and Horse Collars.
None but the best kind of material used. Re
pairing done on short notice and at prices to
suit the times.
shop on the corner Of West. Avenue and West
Water Streets Wstertown. r- l0yl
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19

A certain doctor, when called to chiI.
dren, no matter what might be the synoc
toms, always prescribed for one and TIC
same malady-worms Being summoned
one day to the bedside Of "a little bos, !,
graVely sat down, and having felt the
patients pulse, looked up gravely through
his spectacles and said to tue bother is
solemn tone, 4" " orms, niadato, 1ori'sis SIS, ,,
10 which the mother said, Il telf ye
doctor, the boy hasn't got a single worm
He stumbled over stic< of wood. and
broke his. leg, and 1 want it sci. ctlick y
The doctor, not 'at-all llnonplussed; .baffzz stir
determined to Vindicate his theory, put on
a very solemn look as he said, ~ orlns,,
madamo I assure yoU-wornlS III The wood.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19

My dear Nicholas" said Lord
Strangford, Il am very stupid this. morn
ing; my brains are all gone to the dogs"
Poor dogs p replied his friend.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19

When Adam got tired naming his
descendants, he said, ';Iet all the rest be
called Smith"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19
CT. so UT II w Z LII,
SURGEON DENTIST.

HAYING permanently located himself wou ID
i L respectfully inform the Citizens of Water
town and vicinity that he is prepared to do all
kinds of DENTAL WORK. All work WarrAn-
ted to give entire satisfaction Office on Main
Street. over Sprague drug store.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19

A QUEENS WARDRoBE.-Empress
Eugine has three thousand dresses. Queen
L izabath left two thousand gowns wben
she died, which. her successor, James Of
5 cotland gave to man. In MI Motley,g
new work is this paragraph: &C Two thou
sand gowns, of the most expensive mate-
rial, adorned with gold, pearls and iewelry
-lor Elizabeth was very generous to hersaif
were found in the Queens wardrobe
after death. These magnificent and costly
robes, not one ofwhich had she vouohsafed
to bestow upon OF to bequeath any of her
ladies OF honor, were now presented to d
needy Lord, who certainly did not intend
10 adorri his own person Herewith. Perhapa
he had wife and daughters, to whom d
Queen 5. dresses would not be pstacc4ptsas
BILE" He must have been MacF limsey q
that ilk,
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-02-19
A MODEL PRAYER.

A correspondent has furnished the fol.
lowing prayer, which has been copied
from an old English newspaper 90
Lord, Thou knowest. that [ have nine
houses in the city Of London, and like.
wise that [ have lately purchased ar
estate in fee simple in the county Of
Essex. Lord, I beseoch Thee to preserve
the. t'ao, counties Of. Essex aud Midafsssex
from fires and. earthquakes, and, -as E.
have mortgage in Helt fordshire, / beg
Thee also to have an eye Of compassion
on that county, And. Lord. fgrr t'fe f6sss
IT the counties Thou inayest deal witt.
them as Thou art pleased. O Lord, Sc
able the bank: to answer I'll their bills
and make all my debtors good I51en.
Give prosperous voyage and ratufa .tc
the Mermaid sloop, which / have; ;insuqed;
and Lord, Thou hast. said that the DAYS
of the wicked are short and trust thas
Thou will not forget Thy promises-nav-.
ing purchased on est .te in reversion of
Sif S. p, a proaieute. yonpgs mar. .Ip-ayy
keep our funds from falling, and may
there be no sinking fund. Keep my son
Caleb out of bad company, and from gatt,s
ing houses. And sanctify. Q Lord, this
night to ne by preserving me from theieyss
and 6re, ard make fily servant honest
and careful, whilc I, Thy servant, lie
down in Thee, 0 Lord Amen
rf r
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1868-06-12

and Tagging of the intersections OF the
banquettes on Canal street, from Magazine
to Rampant street, to q level with the TOP
of the iron bridges, and replace the stone
crossings with long iron crossing plates.
The motion of Mr.. WoolAey to reconsider
the vote upon the resolution for joint COM
mittee to confer with the various street
railroad companies was withdrawn.
The Board went into executive session.
after which the following resolution was
received and concurred in:
Resogped, That the Honorable the Board
Of Aldermen be requested to meet US IN
Joint session for the purpose OF electng
thirteen Commissioners of House OF Retuge,
and such other officers as may row De
electable under the charter and bylaws OF
the city of New Orleans.
The Board proceeded to the hall OF the
Board @. Assistant Aldermen to
JOINT SESSION
Csee proceedings Board of Assistant Al
dermenl
The Board returned TO their hall,
on motion of Mr.. Burbank leave of abb
sence for sixty days was granted to Mr.,
Tucker.
The Board adjourned until Tuesday next
at 7 P. ~
HUGH J. CAMPBELL,
Secretary.