Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-06-19
humorous.

Why is kissing = girlIike eating soup with
a fork? Because yoa' can't get enough
Why is a spider a good correspondent? Be
cause he drops line b. every post
A boy being asked IL Sunday school
What was the chief end of man q answer
ed ''The end with the head on
Az old Indian who had Witnessed the sale
Of whiskey for many years, said . barrel Q f
whisky contained thousand songs and fifty
fights.
\ Canadian Dutchman being advised to
rub his limbs we'll with brandy for the raeu-
matism, said he had heard Of the remedy, but
added Il dush better as dat l drinks de
brandy, and den rub my leg NIT de bottle.
'FEy do you tink de world viii come TO an
end p asked German. 'Oh, probably in
about three months, answered joker 'Ho,
veil; 1 no cares Gor dat, exclaimed Hans, with
a smile of satsfactioa, 4 be going to Pufialo
dis spring
4 man had recipe put up by an apothe-
cary, and after he had gcue the clerk dis
covered that he had passed counterfeit
twenty five cent piece and five cent piece.
He informed the boss. Never mind, said
the latter, 'iif the FIVE cent bit be good there
is stiIl profit Of three cents
Chow do they make horseradish2'' said
our little girl who had prepared thas deGcacy
with sugar for dessert.
! ''It is q root which they grind up.
7 IL. a. 81. Z
1t out Of saw-dust -
A NAN who had filed petition for a divorce
was informed by his counsel that his wife had
HE'D ''cr0ss petition, as lawyers call it.
"a cross petition - exclaimed the husband
''that's just like her. She never did a good
natured thing in her life.
"a beautiful lady vas kissing and caressing
her beautiful lap dog; "ah Maria" exclaimed
her fopish adorer. ''why not grant Lac the IA
vors you are wasting on Fidele?'
81 don't kiss srey puppy" replied the
pouting fair.
NoBoDr likes TO be nobody but every body
is pleased to think himself somebody. And
everybody Is somebody, but when anybody
thinks himself to be somebody, he generally
thinks everybody else to be nobody.
/ DANDIEs, TO make greater show,
Wear coats stuck out With pad and putting
But that you know is a pFop0s--
For what's a goose without the stuiing.
Micro Ermcs-Fred. Douglass tells the
following:
When he was slave in Maryland he obser-
we'd that an old negro, named Sandy, had the
/ appearance Of being always well fed, and
looked very fat. lie asked Sandy if he would
explain how it happened SO.
''Wal, says Sandy, ~ steals it.
Douglass demonstrating on this point,
Sandy, replied pointing to a pig:
D'ye see dat ere animal dare"
'tYes."
'.Wal dat dare am massas property, an !
am massa' S property; derefore, put dat are
property into dis property, andit's all right y
FEEY SMALL FOR IT'S AGE.-A friend Of
ours was asked few days ago, by close fs-
ted old customer to partake of some very old
Shiskey, which be valued very highly. He
consented, not reluctantly, when his hospita-
bic entertainer took the bottle and poured
out what our friend regarded as a very small
Dose The latter taking tae glass and hold.
ing it above his head remarked rather skep.
,ically-
''You say this is forty years old?''
''Yes," replied the host.
swell, then, replied our friend, ''al /