The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1868-06-10
FACETIE.

the rate of 90 miles an houI.
An unnistakabls case of black-ball-
ing-a little crying negro baby.
Encouraging to prize fghters-Em-
erson says the strength of style consists
in striking out" .. o..
The Radical litany, "Grant us thy
peace" The Democratic response,
"Good Lord deliver u.s." ..
A pumpkin having been asked to take
a seat in house up town yesterday did
so by carrying off nice chair.
The young lady who was frozen with
horror and subsequently melted into
tears was carried out and consigned TO
a watery grave.
A negro preacher whose text was in
chapter II. of the /. Book of John, gave
it ont as from ode two eyed chapter OF
de one eyed John"
The latest invention is said to be ink
made of india rubber. 1t has been sug-
pested that writer's inclined tostretch n
story will make use of the article.
The following is one of the two or
three lines in the English language that
read precisely the same backward as
forward:
Snug & raw was ere l saw war & guns.
Romantic Dear: "Oh Frederick is it
not delightful to wander in the quiet
country and listen to the cnckoo's
note 7" Frederick: "Oh yes! dare
say it is all right, only it always re-
minds me Of hic c.cups."
The site of the garden of Eden is now
settled definitely, for n placard has
been dug up ia the East on which is
printed this warning: "Keep off the
grass-Adsm."
A French priest illustrated the wis
dom of Providence by stating as the
reason why asparagus did not grow
with both ends equally succulent, that
it would have been impossible for any
one to have held them with his I'm
gers.
In the neighborhOod of Leeds, Maine,
the following curious document in n
wretched scribble is to be seen in a win
dow: "a Da SkoOl kept at-plaise,
trems 2 pens and 3 pens per week for
reeding and knitting and righting and
sowing"
The friends of wit expressed some
surprise that with his age and his fond
ness for the bottle hes should have
thought it worth while to marry. "A
wife was necessary" he said; "they be-
gan to say that drank too much for q
single man" ...
A Sabbath school superintendent ask
ed his scholars if any of them cOuId
quote passage of Scripture which for
bade man having two wives, where
upon nearly TIE whole school cried out,
"no man can serve two masters"
A fond father the other day, wishing
to form an alliance between his stupid
son aud fine young lady of his ac-
duaintance, sent him to her mother with
the following note: "Dear Madam
Allow me to present my Bill for your
ioUvPtN"ce " The lady sent the spoOney
back to his father, with the folio in q
reply: "Dear Sir-YOur Bill is vetoed"
An Irishman, addicted to telling queer
stories, said he saw man beheaded
with his hands tied behind him, who
directly picked up his head and put it
ON his shoulders in the right place.
cha! HAP said bystander,' chow
could he pickup his head when bis
hands were tied behind him. "An'
sure what fool ye are" said Pat,
couldn't he pick it up with his tather
A sentimental young lady addressed
q disconsolate looking Indian as follows;
"Why Groeps the eye of the forest chief
Does the memory of the red warrior re-
vert to the past, when his proud an.
cestors roamed through the forest and
enjoyed the primeyal glories of the ma
tion, now sadly marred by the axe and
plough of the unsympathizing rustic p
To which the red man replied:
ugh! No. White man glib lnjuu
too much whisky. Injun big drunk
last night; Injun puke; den Injun get
we'll again; ugh"
Crossing the ocean with Mr.. -, his
readiness at repartee attracted the no.
tice of all OH board, and a wager was
laid that he could not be caught nap
ping, but would give not only a prompt,
but witty reply. Next morning Mr.
was observed looking through the tele-
scope, the atmosphere being damp and
cold. The interested party determined
to win, touched Mr.. IS arm, and ask
ed: "Mr. -, what ship is that i''
Don't know but hope it's a Peruvian
bark, for Pm in perfect chill" There
was champagne at dinner.
As young woman was walking
alone one evening, man looked Mt her,
and followed her. The youug woman
said, "Why do You follow me 7" lie
Because | have fallen in
love with you." The woman said
" why are you in love with me My sis,
ter is much handsomer; she is coming
after me-; 20 and make love to her.
The man turned back and saw woman
with an ugly face. Being greatly dis
pleased, he turned to the first woman
and said, "Why did you tell me a false
hoodi" The woman answered, "Nei
ther did you speak the truth, for if you
were really in love with me, why did
you leave me to look up my sister ~
The HirelinR OF tho Whisky Thicves
The whisky-ring has bought up nc
more faithful tool than Greeley. IL
the proposed reduction of the whisky
tax to fifty cents is the fatal blow to the
whisky-ring, an its corruption and al
its villainies.
Greeley rushes to the front, and beg
that the whisky thieves may yet b.
suffered to live and thrive. Make But
Ter the commissioner, he says, and kecI
the tax at 81.
OF whisky lOO,OOO,OOO gallons are
made yearly. Due in tax, 5000, 100000
Amount actually collected never
reached $50, 900, 900, to-day dwiadlcs t.
$4,000, 900.
Greeley would have the people be
lieve that he believes the services o
p,tler are worth beyond those of al