The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1868-05-20
FACETlE.

Sanguinary ships-Blo sd vessels. ,
Lay preachipg-the cackling of a hen.
Where should blind man 90 ?-To an
i(Oland. ~ Gas .-LE ~
When isa cat like q teapotf When
you're teasin' it.
Smith found dollar the other day in
an alley. He calls it alimOny.
What sort of cravat would hog be
mostfkely to choese' A pig's-tye.
Question by a cynic-If a man you
have fought with is brother-in-arms,
why isn't woman you are narned to
sister in-arns
II WISH" said an irats lawyer, "you
would pay little attention to what l
say" az am" answered the witness,
"paying as little as can"
What nose is more brilliant than a
toper's uose' Why, volcanoes, to be
sure. Pat remarks that the chief glow
of each comes from the crater.
A writer, dwelling upon the impor-
lance of small things, say that "he al
ways takes note even of straw, espe-
cially if there happens to be sherry
cobbler at one end of it,"
A Western editor, in response to a
subscriber who grumbles that his mern-
ing paper is always intolerably damp,
says that is because there is 80 much due
dew on it,"
A fashionably. dressed lady, DESTROYS
of purchasing watch. was shown a
very beautiful one, the shop-kceper re-
marking that it went thirty-six hours
What, in one day." she asked.
Astingy husband accounted for all the
blame Of the lawleSsnesS of his children
in company, by saying that his wife
always "gave them their own way"
Poor things, it's all l have to give
them" was the wite'sprompt reply.
4 celebrated lawyer once said that
the three most troublesome clients he
ever had were young lady who want
ed to be nprricd, married lady who
wanted divorce, and an old maid who
didn't know what she wanted.
A Baptist minister took laughing gas
at q II ,rtfOrd len So, tue other day,
and had his aching teeth pulled ont.
As he began to regain consciousness he
suddenly opened his eyes, and clapping
his hand to his mouth, exclaimed One
tooth out! Why, d-n it, If there amt
two gone!"
A Clergyman happening to get wet,
was standing over the fire 10 dry his
clothes, aud when his colleague came
in, he asked him tn preach for him, as
he was wet. "No, sir, thank you,"
was the prompt reply, "preach yourself;
you will be dry enough in the pulpit"
A chap went to pork house to buy
pork on credit. First he bargaincd for
a lot of hogs ears; next, the clerk seeming
willing TO trust, he bought hogs head;
then growing bSld, he said, II believe
I'll take that ham," "No you won't"
replied the clerk; "you are head and
ears in debt now" III. ....
An Italian innkeeper confessed to a
priest, who, asked him if he never
creased tho teeth of his guests horses
TO prevent eating. He replied that he
had never done So The next time he
confessed that he had committed the
act several times. "Why," said the
priest, lyon told NE last time that you
never done it," "Holy father" replied
the iunkeeper, 81 did not know the
trick then" ........
A boy was sent by his mother to saw
some stove wood out of old railroad
ties. Going out doors shortly after, she
found the youth sitting on the saw
horse, with head down. The mother
asked her hopeful son why he was cast
down aud why he didn't keep at his
work, Tho boy replied thus: my dear
mother l find it. hard, veSy hard, to
sever old ties" 80.
AN editor out west thus hits off the
fashion and the Vulgar custom of de-
scribing the dresses of ladies at balls,
PARTIES, &c: "Miss s., old Smiths
daughter, were a short dress of sorrel
poplip, striped with brown gewgaws,
with tight lifting basque made out o.
her mas last winter cloaks. Sleeves O
moire ANTIQUE to match her highest I'M
derskirt, and bonnet of red oak bari
tied with slippery elm strings. Sh'
looked little odd, bnt withal amazing
ly pretty. Miss -x, alleged to bi
the wealthiest girl on Sugar street
wears a black and tan Irish pophn
trimmed with bias folds of bombazine
with blue stitching put around the
skirts withSpaldings glue, short saeque
tight under the arms, and bonnet of goo6
leaves trimmedwith piecesof gtapeyine.
Sothern, the original Lord Dundreary
is nov said to be mad. His mainia i,
peculiar; he thinks that he has clever
fingers, aud iseonstantly counting then
to lind the eleventh. Some time ago Mr.
Sotherp was thrown from his horse, and
this is the result.