The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-07-17
dIfif an& 9utttur .

- Sheet music-the cry OF chill
dren in bed.
Words that burp-rciected com
munications.
"A boae Of contention-the jaw
bone.
- Rectiied spirits-Spirits of 70
formed drsnkards.
- n poor cook--one that knead
dos,gA and instruction at the same time
Docs a COW become real estate
when she turned into meadow?
- The mariners compass has done
some of of the most important needle
work In the world.
- There Is nothing wonderful In
the fact that a man on "bender" in
variably goes crooked.
- "Bejabers, an me stomach thinks
me throat is cut" cried an Irishman
who hadn't tasted any food for day.
- What is the difference between
pill and hill? One is hard to get up,
and the other is hard to get down.
- Western paper is responsible
for the suggestion that the ballet girls
are wrongs which should be redressed.
"A Western editor says that in
smoky Pittsburg men kiss each others
wifes, and are able to tell which is their
own only by the taste.
- The young lady who sang, 81
wish somebody would come," has had
her Edesire gratitied. Eleven country
cousins have arrived and intend to stay
all summer
- 1t Is rumored Tat the Rev. Mr..
Syler, who is writing "Ilistory of the
Devil" has been summoned to wash
ington by Butler, who proposes to sug-
gest-sOme interesting photographed
"reminiscences.
-A gentleman who was obliged
to take yacht in payment OF a note,
states after one years experience, that
he would have been thousand dollars
better OIL II he had lost the original
debt.
- A rich Japanese, whose income
is put at the fabulous sum of 30,O00.O00.
is said to be coming to Paris for a
wife. The Boston Post says: "What
ablessing if we could only get him here
and lax him !"
- "Pompey what makes you have
no wool on your head 2"
"Wal, julius, was out West bout
two months ago, and de way got ball
was, de gals used to out dare pull me
in dare windows by the top OBJ dc head,
- The sons of the late Emperor of
Austria got into quarrel. In the
height of their passion one of them said
TO the other !: "You are the greatest |
ass in Vienna" Highly offended at
their quarelling before him, the Emper-
orsaid. "You forget that am pres
ent."
- An cxhortcr at Methodist revi-
val became rather indignant because a
brother was his superior in praying and
singing. So he got up and said Broth
er D. can sing and pray but by the
blessing OF God, that there is one thing
i can beat him in, can fiddle his shirt
off,"
- Judge Beller put notice over
his factory gate at Lowell, mo cigars
or lrishmen admitted within these walls
the one will set fame going among
my cottons and the other among nv
gals. | wouldn't have no such infiam-
able and dangerous things about me
ON no account"
- A good story is told ola boot
black whose energies were taxed by the
huge shoes of a private Just returned
rom the war. The little fellow kneel-
ng down looked over his shoiders at a
and exclaimed.-"Lend me
spit, jim, l have got an army con-
A gentleman having got cut of
III patience with one of his servants
'alled him in, and after giving him n
ound scolding, wound up with the ster-
otyped phrase. swell we must part.
The servant stood scratching his head
or moment and then said with a look
u much concern. .ssorry l am that we
'ot to part, yer honor, but if we must
nay make so bold as to ask where
our honor is going 2" The fellow
OF another trial,
- The Atlanta correspondent of
georgia paper tells OF chap who came
own from one of the upper counties,
nd encountered man with hand !
ryan covered with green cloth. The b
IAN began to turn and the countryman "
ut down quarter, which the other c.
Immediately took up. Down went an "
her which shared the same fate and O.
zen another. The stranger finding his |
lie getting low, turned to bystand-
and asked: sinister what sort of a p
me is this anyhow ?"
- One winter day with careful
OF, wandered DER the slippery way!
ne snow in balls beneath my feet, G
ide it task upright to stay. And =
waddled in my walk, and jostled d'
cry one l met so that some in fa-
liar talk, remark, shes very tight
III bet !" [Repeat] stopped and stood
on one leg, with cane TO clear my
mpered tread but as stopped boy =
! peg another SNOWFALL at my head. j
nd thus, said, as down my back the D.
elted SNOWFALL ran, we gather balls ba
d l:ttle reck, where they go or whence vel
~ come. J
- Mr.. B., a well known Baltimore
inter, once said that an old woman IT
m the country came into his printing -,
ce with an old Bible in her hand ~ n,l
want" said she, "you to print it Ov- n
again. It's gitten little blurred, =
! my eyes is not what they used to =,
3. How much do You AK. 81
Fifty cents' Iw
Can You have 1t done I'm half an n
IT ?-I wish you would-want to be VI
tin home-liye a good way out of W
M" hon
N
When the old lady went ont he went IN
rnd TO the A merican Bible Society III
purchased copy TOR fifty cents. lbs
Dr. sakes massy ~ exclaimed the and
lady when she came to look at it, ~
w good you've fixed it its e ZEN al o.
Il rs orOod a. new I i1avar uoxx, INV, ~