The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1868-01-31
A EWlOgy on Woman by9sMark
TWain,,,

AT the dinner given by the Cores
pondents' Club at Washington, on Sat
urday night, "Mark Twain" was called
on to respond to the usual toast to
"Woman," which he did in the follow
ling characteristic style:
"Mr. President; l do not know why
| should have been singled out to re-
ceive the greatest distinction of the
evening-for so the office of replying
to the toast to woman has been regard,
ed in every age. Applause. l do
not know why l have received this dis.
tinction, unless it be that l am q trifie
less homely than the other members Of
the club. But be this as it may, Mr..
President, l am proud of the position,
and you could not have chosen any one
who would have accepted it more glad
ly, or labored with a heartier good will
to do the subject Justice, than l. Be-
cause, sir, love the sex. Laughter.
l love all the women, sir, irrespective
of age or color. Laughter.
"Human intelligence cannot estimate
what we owe to women, sir. She sews
on our buttons laughter, she mends
our clothes laughter, she ropes us in
at the church fairs-she confdes in us
she tells us whatever she can find out
about the little private affairs of the
neighbors; she gives us good advice
and plenty of it; she gives us a piece
of her mind sometimes--and sometimes
all of it; she soothes our aching brows ;
she bears our children-ours as gen.
eral thing. In all the relations of life,
sir, it is but just and graceful tribute
to woman to say of her that she is a
brick. Great laughter
"Wheresoeyer you place woman, sir
in whatever position or estate-she is
an ornament to that place she occupies,
and treasure to the world. Here Mr..
Twain paused, looked inquiringly at his
hearers, and remarked that the ap-
plause should come in at this point. 1t
came in. Mr.. Twain resumed his
eulogy. Look at the noble names of
history Look at Cleopatra look at the
Desdemonal look at Florence Nightin-
galel look at Joan of Arc! look at
Lucretia Borgia! Disapprobation ex-
pressed. WELL said Mr.. Twain,
scratching his head doubtfully, suppose
we let Lucretia slide.' Look at Joyce
Heth look at Mother Eve! Cries of
Ohp OH You need not look at her
unless you want to, but said Mr.. Twain
reflectively, after pause, Eve was or
namental, sir; particularly before the
fashions changed | repeat, sir, look at
the illustrious names of history. Look
at the Widow Machreel look at Lucy
Stone! look at Elizabeth Cady STAN
ton! look at George Francis Train !
TGreat laughter. And sir, l say it with
bowed head and deepest veneration,
look at the mother of Washington she
raised a boy that could not lie--could
not lie. Applause. But he never
had any chance. oh, Oh 1t might
have been different with him if he had
belonged to newspaper correspon-
dents club. Laughter, groaus, Kisses,
cries of ''put him out" Mark looked
around placidly upon his excited audi
ence and resumed. 81 repeat, sir, that
in whatsoever position you place wo-
man sheis an ornament to society and
treasure to the world. As sweet
heart she has few equals and no super
iors laughter as cousin she is con-
venient-as wealthy grandmother,
with an incurable distemper, she is pre-
cious-as wet nurse she has no equal
among menl Laughter.
"What, sir, would the people Of the
earth be without womenl
They would be scarce, sir--almighty
scarcel Then let us cherish her-let us
protect her-let us give her our sup
port, our encouragement, our sympa-
thy-ourselves, if we get chance.
Laughter.
"But, jesting aside, Mr President
woman is lovable, gracious, kind of
heart, beautiful-worthy of all respect,
of all esteem, of all Difference. Not
any here will refuse to drink her health
right cordially in this bumper of wine,
for each and every one of us has per-
sonally known, and loved, and honor
ed, the very best one of them sll-his
own motherr' Applause.