Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-03-06
4lnnof0ns.


| 1lamorons.
----------- -------------
| Was is love like ia canal boat7 Because il
is an iaternal transport
| wBE2 is aea Ike a locomotive? When
it goes over the sleepers.
WnAr vegetable expresses the relation be-
tween milk and water Pumpkin.
WHEx were the first sweetmeats made
When Noah preserved pairs in the ark
A pEDAzr remarked 10 farmer, i cannot
bear iool.' 'Your mother could, was the
reply
wHss is a girl not a giTl? When she is a
Eule sulky.
wnEx is a bed not bed? Whea it is q
Ettle buggy.
Why is making honey ike whipping? Be-
cause It is a bee-Iaboring business.
Way are book keepers like chickens? Be
cause they have to scratch for living.
WHEN does a eaptain of vessel commit
self mu,ilaiion? When he goes on shore and
leaves his hands on board.
WaAr proof have we that there was sewing
in the Sims Of Dayid7 We read that De was
hemmed in on every side.
aIa
Of sisters who had to be told every-lhing
together, for they were so much alike that
they could not be told apart
WHOSE pigs are these, my lad?'
'Whoy they belong to that'ere big SOW.
No. / mean who is their masterF
'Whoy, again answered the lad, that little
un, he's rare IN to fight
"PATmcs, Why do you write SO large a
hand?
'.Shure, yer honor, it's to me ovid mother,
who is very deaf, and SIN writing her loud
letter
ONE jeans Flaherty was brought up before
a magistrate for marrying six wives. The
magistrate asked him how he could be 50
hardened a william p
Please your worship. said jeans, Twas
thrying to get a good one.
Ii is said that the British Government, as
measure against Fenianism, intend to abolish
the use Of the shiIlelah in Ireland, as its use
is considered dangerous to the security Of the
CrolcH.
THG following is copy Of a notice exhibited
on the Town Hall; Welsh Pool; Welsh Pool
Fairs These fairs will be held annually on
the second Monday in every month. By
order Of the Council. -, Town Clerk
Ist Jan, 1867"
It is positively ascertained that those people
who go out of concert rooms and theatres
before the performances end live at cheap
boarding houses, where the doors are locked
at an early hour of the night. Most of them
are sorry to disturb the audience, but thcy
dare not remain out after hours.
4 srIyGY husband threw all the blame of
the lawlessness OF his children in company by
saying his wife always gives them their own
way"
"Poor things, it's all have to give them
was her prompt reply.
Az Irisbman Who had just landed said:
"The first bit of mate ! ever ate in this
country was a roasted potato boiled yester.
day And if ye don't behave me, can show
t to ye, for l have 1t in my pocket.
DID any of you ever see an elephant s slin?'
asked the master of an infant school in a fast
neighborhood. II havel' shouted six-year
old at the foot Of the class. -"Where?' in
quired the old man, amused by his earnest
ness. ''On an elephant" vas the reply.
'DoEs pa kiss you because he loves you p
inquired a snobby nosed urchiu of his mater
nal ancestor, the other day.
''To be sure sonny, why?"
We'll, think he loves the cook too, for
he kissed her more than forty times last Sun
day, when you was gone to meeting"
AN lflshmah houIcitu 10 telllng queer sto-
ries, said he saw a man be-headed with his
hands tied behind him, who directly picked
up his head, and put it on his shoulders in
the right place
"Ha hal ha - said bystander, "how
could he pick up his head when his hands
we're tied behind him p
AN sure vat purity fool ye are!" said
Pat Couldn't he pick it up with his
tathe?"
No DANGER FROM GIVING TOO Mech
The comment of colored preacher on the
text, 1T is more blessed to give than re
ceive, is.inimitabe for its point as we'll as
its rare beauty and eloquence: I've known
many church 10 die cause it didn't give