Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1868-02-29
Joe Thompsou's Adventure, and What
Became of it.

l
tion was irresistible. They couldn't
have helped it to save their lives. I'll
tell you how it was.
Joe was about the most fancy dressed
buck in the town-over-nice and par
ticular-a regular Miss Nancy in man
ners, always putting on airs, and more
dainty aud modest than a girl. Well,
when his wedding night came, he was
dressed to kill, and his pants especially
fitted him as if they had been molds
and his legs candles, and run into
them. Their set was immense, and
he was prouder than half dozen pea
cocks.
"Areu't they nice, boys p he asked
of the two who were to be groomsmen,
and see that he threw himself away in
the most approved fashion.
Stunning! George v' replied Tom
Bennett. "Never saw anything equal
to them. But, l say, Joe, aren't they
just the least bit tight? 1t strikes me
that you will have some difficulty in
bending-won't you?"
"Pshaw, no! They are as easy as
an old glove. See.''
To prove the matter, he bent down
so as to touch his patert feathers, when
crack crack followed, like the twain
reports of revolver.
"Thunder !" exclaimed Joe, as he
clapped his hand behind, and found a
rent in the cassimeres from stem to
stern. "Thunder! the pants have
burst, and what shall I do?"
81 should rather think they had,'
answered Tom, getting purple in the
face, as he endeavored to control his
laughter. "But there isn't time to get
another pair. 1t only wants half an
hour to the standing up time, and we
have got mile to 60. Carriage wait
ing, too
"What shall I do? what shall I do?"
"I'll tell you what, Joe, if mine
would it you, you should have them,
and welcome, but they are about
mile too big-would set like shirt on
bean pole. I see no way but to have
them mended.
"Who can I get to do it, Tom?"
"Well, I'm something of tailor,
anI can fix them so they won't show
Hold on minute and I'll get a needle
and thread"
"Can you? May Heaven bless you"
"Of with your coat" commanded
Tom, as he came back.
Snow lay yourself over on the bed,
and will fix you in short order 2"
The command was obeyed-the pants
mended-the coat-tails carefully pinned
over, so as to conceal the "distress for
rent" and all went merry as marriage
bell, until Joe followed his blushing
bride to the nuptial couch.
There was only a dim light in the
room, but it enabled Joe, as he glanced
bashfully around, to see the sweetest
face in the world, the rosy cheeks and
ripe lips, the lovely and loving blue
eyes, and the golden curls just peeping
out from the snowy sheets, and he ex-
tiuguished it altogether and fastened
to disrobe himself OFF came coat, vest,
fancy necktie and collar, boots and socks
in hurry, but somehow the pants
stuck. The more he tried the more they
wouldn't come, and he tugged vainly
for half an hour.
"Thunder!'' ~ muttered Tom.
"What is the matter, dear ?" came
in the softcst accents from the bed,
where somebody was wondering if he
was ever going to come to her arms.
1t was moment of desperation Joe
was entirely overcome by the situation,
and forgetting his accustomed bashful-
ness, tlurted out:
"Molly, that cursed Tom Bennett
has sewed my pants drawers, shirt and
undershirt all together!"
ut is too bad. Wait moment,
dear"
A little ssockingless foot peeped out
first, then a rufled night-dress; the
lamp was lighted, pair of scissors
found, Joe released, and, although he
denies it, Tom Bennett swears that his
wedding shirt was of the shortest pos
sible length, reasoning a posteriori.
THE FOUNDING HosPITAL.-There
is but one such in California, and it is
under the charge of the Sisters of Char
ity at San Francisco. The Hospital
Committee of the Assembly are visiting
these institutions, and the Alta in speak
ino of this one saws.
''The boys, when they reach the age
of four, are sent to the Boys Orphan
Asylum, near San Rafael; and the
girls, when old enough to attend school,
sent to the main asylum. Every girl
must learn to cook, wash, iron. and sew
and those who display special talent, or
have any money to pay for tuition, are
educated in the higher branches. Those
Young ladies who have arrived at mar
riageable age are permitted to receive
the visits of young men of good reputa-
ton, in the presence Of one of the SIS
ters; and thus some of them are married
off. Others are placed at trades and al
lowed to board and lodge in the Asylum
till they become expert enough to sup
port themselves WE'LL"
A MAN in Philadelphia went into asta-
bio forr lc.o ..l Ja1fborofoIo