The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-05-15
dHfif ans Dutttar


- A baker should feel compliment
ed if called big loafer.
- Bushes are like little girls: they
become women.
.;.. Motto for ajournalist-"Do write
and fear naught."
- Tenpus fagit. Flies have come on
time.
- Why is hope like n decayed
cheese Because thousands live on it.
- Sam thinks Sym Mettry and
Grace Fulness are happy couple.
- How many feet are there in
tightening rod.
- Sins that all mankind abhor-
medicines.
- Some stupid fellow wanted to
know whether there was an eclipse Of
the honeymoon.
A Canadian editor, attacked by
ruff'ian on bridge, threw him into
the river and made an item on him.
An editor out West has been
elected town constable, and now ar
rests the attention of his readers.
When does candle resemble a
tombstone When it is set up for a
late husband'
- zone who loved his fellow men,"
Is suggested as an eptaph tor the late
King Of Dahomey.
When you hear man say 'life
is but dream" tread on his corns and
wake him up. Life is real.
- Where was money first mention
ed in the Bible When the dove
brought the green back to Noah.
- Parson Sambo gave out tor his
text, tide two eyed chapter of de one
eyed john"
- The ancient Scandinavians used
the antlers OF stays for drinking cups.
This is evidently the origin OF the
phrase stalking horn."
A child was born recently In
Tennessee with two tongues. Need
we venture the remark that 1t was q
female
49, William asks "Can the refu-
sal Of q woman to marry man be con-
sidered matrimonial knot.
We would say knot.
80. A citizen Of Bridgeport AYERS
that he has been cured of dyspepsia by
riding over Connecticut railways this
winter.
- A man in Western N. Y. ma
nures grape vines by burying at the
rOotsthe carcasscs of dead cats. A de-
clded cat-awba flavor, he thinks, IS
thus impaired to the grapes.
Lola Montez was born in Dub
lin of Irish parents. Her grave lies al
Greenwood Cemetery, and the head
stone contains only her age and name
Eliza Gilbert.
- An irate husband at Pekin ILL.,.
becoming enraged at his wife, seized a
large wood-axe, and rushing into the
kitchen smashed the cooking stove all
to pieces.
-"Show me Conservative" said n
Radical to Democrat, and | will show
you traitor or dupe." ooh certain
", sir, show myself to you and you
show yourself to me-"
- man on Cape Cod having adj
vertised his wife as having left his bed
and board, she retorts that she went
away a couple of weeks to earn her
bread and the bed belongs tc her moth
err.
- When Moore was getting his
portrait. painted by Newton, Sydney
Smith. who accompanied the poet, said
to the artist, "Couldn't you contrive to
throw INTO ms lace SOneWHdt vi SGrOh~
gerexpression of hostility to the Church
Establishment"
- A country editor noticing the
decease of wealthy gentleman OBJ
serves: "He has died regretted by a
numerous circle of friends, and leav-
ing a widow as disconsolate as any
widow need be who has obtained the
uncontrolled possession of five thousand
ner annum. More than twenty young
men have sen. letters of coincidence to
her."
An ingenious shoe maker who Is
known az man of few words, whose
Conversation rarely extends beyond
that of monosyllables and who is very
proyident .even of them, he hit upon
the following plan to save the expense
OF painting all the letters of''shoe shop
sHo
A learned professor in a New
England college was accustomed to de-
mand an excuse of students whenever
they were dilatory at recitations. The
ercnse given he Invariably added -
GVery Well but don't let it happen
soain." One morning married STU
dent happening TO be behind time, was
nromptiy inteirogated as to the cause.
SIghtly embarrassed he replied.
aThe truth is, sir, had an addition
70 nv family this morning and it was
not convenient to be here sooner"
1Very WE'LL" replied the professor,
In his quick nervous manner, "bat don't
let this happen again !"
A preacher of the Methodist
Church was travelling in one OF the
back settlements, ard stopped at a cab
in where an old lady received him
kindly. After setting provisions be-
fore him she began to question him in
the following way
STRANGER where mought you De
from p 60
aMatlam reside in Shelby, County,
Kentucky"
avail, stranger hope no offence, but
what mought you be doing up here p
aMadanI am searching for the lost
sheeD of the tribe Of Israel"
-"Johh, John ~ shouted the old wo-
man s'come rite here this minnie here
is q stranger all the way from Shelby
County KY, a hunting stock, and III
iust bet my lite that tangled-haired old