Mineral Point weekly tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1859-1868, 1868-03-18
Mark Twain's Eutogy of the
Fair Sex.

The Washington CORRESPONDENTS
Club held Its anniversary, January Ith.
Mr.. Clemens. better known as Mark
Twain, responded to the toast "W ON
an, the pride of the professions and
the iewe! of ours. :" lie said
MR. PRESIDENT: II 90 not know
,,l..- l should have been SINGLED out to
receive the greatest distinction of the
evening - for 50 the Office Of replying
to the toast to woman has been regard
ed in every age. Applause. |
do not know why have received this
distinction, unless it be that | am a
trife less homeiv than the other mem,
hers of the club. But, be this as it
may. Mr.. President, am proud of the
positionj and you could not have chosl
en- any one who would have accepted
it more gladly. or labored with Il
heartier goodwill, to do the subject
Justice, than T. Because, sir. love
the sex. Laughter. love all the
women, sir, irrespective of age or col.
or. Laughter.
Human inteliigences cannot esti.
mate what we owe to woman, SIR
| She sews on otr buttons, I Laughterl
she mends our clothes, Laughter
she ropes US in at the church stairs,
she confides in US, she tells us what.
ever she can find out about the little
private affairs of the neighbcrs, rhe
gives us good advice and plenty of it,
she gives us piece Of her mind some.
times, and sometimes all of it. she
sooths our aching brows. IN all re-
/ lations Of life. sir. it is but a-t and
a graceful tribute to woman to say Of
her that she is brick. T Great
| laughter.
Wheresoever you place woman,
sir--in whatever position or estate
/ she IS an ornament to that place she
occupies, and a treasure to the world.
/ I Here Mr.. Twain PAUSED looked in,
! quiringly at his hearers, and remark
4 cd that the applause should come in
at this point. 1t came in. Mr.. Twain
resumed. his eulogy. Look at the
noble names Of history F! look at Cleo
patra look at Desdcmona look at
| Florence Nightingale look at Joan
Of Arc (. look at Lucretia Borgia
! I Disapprobation expressed. "W,ell,"
said Mr.. Twain, scratching his head
doubtfully, . suppose we let Lucretia
slide. Look at Joyce Hethl look
at Mother Eve repeat. sir. look a t
the illustrous names of history
Look at the " idow Machree ! look a t
/ Lucy Stone look at Elizabeth Cadv
Stanton look at George Francis
! Tram Great Laughter. And, sir,
! say with bowed head and deepest
veneration, look at the mother oi
. Washington She raised a bov that
could not lie coald not he Ap.
plause. But he neuer lad any chance
1t Nigh have been different with him
If he had belonged to a newspaper cor
respondents club. Laughter, eroans
; misses, cries Of put him out r. Mark
looked around placidly upon his ex
cited audience, and resumed.
l repeat, SIR, that in whatsoever po
, sition YOU place women she is az
ornament to society and treasure t.
. the world. 4 sweetheart she ha.
few equals and no superiors; laugh
ter. as cousin she Is convenient
as wealthy grandmother. with en IN
] durable distemp ?, she i precious a
wet nurse she has no equal amonl
men I Laughter-I
+. What, sir, would the people Of thi
4 earth be without woman? The,
J would be scarce. SIR. Then let u
+. cherish her--let Us protect her-le
Us give her our support, Our encom
+ agement, onr sympathy-ourselyez,
. wr get a chance Laughter
But. testing aside. Mr President
:. woman i loFable, gracious kind O
q heart, eautiful-wortby Of all respect
: OF all esteem, Of all Difference. No
. anv here will refuse TO drink to be
/. health cordially. for each aud ever
i one of US has personally known. an
, loved and honored the very best one {
: them all-his own mother Al
plause.