The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-07
short Paragraphs.

with fork Because you can't get
enough.
Why is dull and plausible man like
an unrihed gun? Because he is a smooth
bore.
There is team of four white mules at
Macon, Ga, which were captured in the
train of jeff Davis in May, 1865.
Why must telegraph be slower in
transmission than most lettersl Because
it must go by so many posts before it
reaches its destination.
Why is well-trained horse most hu-
name animal? Because it will readily
listen to a tale of woe, and will give the
bit out of its mouth to anybody who wants
it.
Sam Slick tells us that if he were asked
what death he preferred, as being most
independent, he would answer, freezing,
because he would then go off with "stiff
upper lip"
A young gentleman accused lady of
his acquaintance with having broken his
peace of mind. She in turn gave him q
piece of her mind, but he did not consider
the DONATE as substitute.
Vermont papers say the present is the
best maple sugar season in the memory
of the oldest inhabitant. 1t accumulates
in Brattleboro' from lack of transporta-
ton.
Louis Napoleon receives as salary SILL
24O per day; Queen Victoria $6O27
Francis Joseph, $lO,95O, and the King of
Prussia, $82l0.
When is train in danger of running
over an old man with scythe in his hand!
When it is behind Time.
81 would not marry an Eastern man if
| had to live an old maid all my life," ex-
claimed buxom lass. "Why not Z" de-
manded her astonished companion. "Be-
cause every paper you pick up contains an
account of the failure of the Eastern
mails"
Two lovers about to marry broke off,
because the lady wanted to name their
first baby John, while the gentleman in
sisted that he should be called Henry.
Bah why didn't they get the boy first :
A man on Cape Cod having advertised
his wife as having left his bed and board,
she retorts that she went away fora couple
of weeks to earn her board, and that the
bed belongs to her mother.
"Tommy, my son, fetch in a stick of
wood" "Ah, my dear mother, respond
ed the youth, the grammatical portion of
your education has been sadly neglected
you should have said: "Thomas, my son,
transport from that recumbent collection
of comb bustiblc material upon the thres-
hold of this edi6cc, one of the curtailed
excresccnces of a dcfunct log"
A newly arrived boarder at one of our
fashionable boarding houses thought he had
not sufficient bolstering for his head, and
accordingly carried the pillows down to
the landlady's room, who inquired what
he desired. The gentleman wanted to
know what she called those articles he
held in his hands. "Pillows, you impu-
dent fellow !'' screamed the outraged wo-
man. ooh! I thought they were pin
cushions !" replied the disconsolate boar
der.
There was once Jew who was partic-
ularly fond of pork, and who used to go
out of town to eat it, at favorite tavern.
One day he had just cut slice when a
fearful clap of thunder and dazzling
flash of lightning illuminated his room.
Conscience-stricken and trembling, he
dropped his knife and fork. BY degrees,
however, his courage returned, andhe had
swallowed few mouthfuls, when another
clap and another flash, ten times worse
than the first, renewed his terrors. Push
ing away his plate, he reluctantly rose
from the table, muttering, as he did so.
"Lord, Lord, what fuss about little
piece of pork3'
We believe it is rare than an editor in
dulges in drop; but when they do,
their readers are sure to find them out
A contemporary was called upon to record
"melancholy ovent' at time when his
head was rather heavy, and did it up af-
ter the following manner: "Yesterday
morning, at A o'clock p. m, man with a
heel in the hole of his stocking, commit
ted arsenic by swallowing dose of sui
eide. The inquest of the verdict return
ed jury that the deceased came to the
facts in accordance with his death. He
leaves child and six small wives to la
ment the end of his untimely loss. In
death we are in the midst of life."