The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-03
For he SUNDAY Crescent.l
PRETENsE PR0TEAN.
SEEMINGLY CYNICAL, AND SLIGHTLY sATIRIcAL:
But " REMEMBER, READER, HE WERE THAT GOOD
IN HIS HEARrn

SEEMINGLY CYNICAL, AND SLIGHTLY sATIRIcAL:
But REMEMBER, READER, HE WERE THAT GOOD
IN HIS HEARTH
This subject [Pretense) has number of DANES
IN the language of the day, all more or less sgni-
hcant. See them where they stand. How thew
regard US, grinniDg and girding. disd aiming mans
weakness and amused at his credulity
And first comes Humbug--a broad faced, yul-
gar fellow, with leering eye, and a quizzical
too. compound of low cunning and brazen i'm.
pudence, with just enough of respect for the
woIlds opinion TO make him deem it worth while
cheating il. III
Concerning the derivation Of the name, am not
so certain but that might be more sure. II has
been attributed to professor, wise in his genera
uon-and not less so in his specifcation-who was
questioned by of his students with reference to
amstter OF genus and species. Not the genus man,
and the species "brother,n good reader, but as
as 10 the genus /" insect" and the species "bug."
An animal had been manufactured which, from
appearances, would have puzzled q naturalist to
determine whether II most resembled beetle,
butterfly, johnny cock horse, q tarantula or
liZard-having the body of the one, and wings
head, legs and tail artisticaly contrived from
contributions by the others.
:" DR.. Snailface," said the student approach
ing with the nondescript in hand, 81 have a
strange insect here, which would be glad to
have you classify"
"Indeed, :" said the DOCTOR" taking the produc-
ton. Eyes, ah-h yes! a very singular bug. /
rather fancy it belongs to the species hum.bug.n
Now, if the reader has already heard this, be-
fore he INDUCES in any remarks as to staleness
aud stupidity, let me assure him that the circum.
stance is related solely for the benefit of those
who have not been so fortunate /; and also for
those who rejoice in good tempers, either be-
slowed by nature or acquired by art Not for
the over learned in j0cular matters Ia il nor IL il
for those FTetful Porpentines of life who cannot
bear that any one should act, speak, think or look
in another manner than the one they deem cor
rect. But | wander.
If this story of mine does not account for the
begetting Of the word, then 4 lean toward the
belief that its birth is lost in the msts of antiqui-
ty, or shrouded in the social obscurity which
attend so many of its fellow bearers of converse
tional burdens at their entrance into the world of
small.talk.
1t is true that have an explanation, private
and peculiarly my own-I hope no Grecian will
attempt a pun here and call it idiOtic)-but the
explanation is so plausible and plain a one, that
have delayed its mentioning, and am, indeed, now
half disposed to withhold it. / fear ii will not
appear sufficiently absruse, though it is the best
in my power, and the reader may take it for what
il is WORTH. .-. ..........
30, as is well known, was deity of the Morse
nations of ancient Europe, the name surviving
among the Siberian Tongoose at the present day.
These people were always very ferocious, whence
comes the proyerb expressing the danger
OF exclaiming 30 to tom goose.
This, by the way, hOwever-and to go
ON. 30 seems to have been the same
as 0din of the Saxons, and Wooden of the scandi.
navians; and his worship appears to have OBJ
tanned even broader sway. For we fud Fo in
China, and the other day on the levee | heard a
very Guinea looking negro (not that he was vel.
low, for he was quite the reverse } address a re-
fractOry mule wooden ~ coupling the exclama.
ton with reference to the deity. This led me to
conclude that the North men had found congo
NAL CLINE for the propagation Of their sentiments
in Africa. But, pardon, gentle reader-this d.
crossing is really abominabe and must be stopped
AS have said, 30, from the proverb quoted,
was apparently employed in ancient times as 81
inteTjection. By the slight and altogether per.
missIble etymolOgic change of one letter and the
anneXing another, we obtain from BO, Dug.
This was undoubtedly an object Of aversion for
merly, witness shakspeare's "Tush fear boys
with bugs J" and the old English writer's DdssiIn
The other element of the word is in common use
even at this date, also as an interection, and ex-
pressing doubt, distrust, scepticlsm or incredu-
lily, HIM! or more fully HIM!
Then what should be more natural than that,
after listening to or reading some nonsensical pas
sage which was desired to be palmed of as re-
plete with meaning, the sufferer should finally
become wearied out and softly murDur to himself
Httmbuq!
And now, by an easy transition, we are brought
to another member of the great family Of Pre-.
fense-Cant- Cant, good reader. Ia not metaphy-
sizes, though Kant was noted teacher Of that
science; and, sooth TO say, metaphysics would
even now seem occasionally somewhat tinged
herewith. Neither is Cant the root from which
the word cshticles comes. though the two things
are much mingled In many peoples mind. Cant
does not mean lack of ability for it is one of the
most powerful agents known; nor does it signify
to overturn, though some of its chief professors
have been great adopts in turning over.
To leave what II is not and come to what il is,
Can't is first cousin to Hypocrisy and in some re.
spects so closely resembles its relative as occa.
sioDally to be mistaken for her. If the observer
is careful, however, this need never be. Cant is
open, audacious and psolent, while Hypocrisy ex.
presses her feelings more by action, and leaves
ia nun na,s
utters long prayers in the market places. Hypo.
crisy-modest CREATURES content if she can
make her phylactery sufficiently broad. NY
Trend, Phlneas Ferrisee, trusts his salvation to
Cant; and on the other hand / do not know a
more perfect specimen of the hypocrite than
Shiny Failing, Esquire, who is q leading vestry-
man of st. Barabbas Church, and prominent in
the getting up OF fairs and the subscribing to home
On all subjects Ferrisee is equally facile of
tongue, and each and every one be treats in that
g" set phrase of peace" which is so fitted in tone
and temper to his puokered eyebrows and pursed.
up, sensuous lips. His face wears settled look
of reprobaton, and TO listen to his diatribes one
would almost be surprised that the world had
survived till now, nor long since been swal.
lowed up by worse retribution than befell the
cities of the plain.
You say my solemn Ferrisee, that "the time
is ont Of joint" and most heartily do l complete
the quotation: =" Oh, cursed spite, that ever you
were born 20 set it right" / wonder il the day
will ever come when men will cease endeavoring
to render the age better by making themselves
disagreesble. Failing is simply unpleasant to
contemplate for person who has taste for hon.
esty, but Ferrisee is aggressvely odious. Let us
leave them both.
Slams have always been in fashion. One of
the most remarkable instances of successful sham
ming was the trick the ancient Israelites PLAYED
upon the Egyptians when they induced them to |
believe all was going well, and rose in the night.
ume and piondered them OF their watches and
other vsluables. This, believe, has been re.
garded as the proximate cause of the liking dis
played since by the Jews for sham jewelry. Two
OF Noah's sons were only lacking in single letter
each to make them shams in name, as, being hu-
man, they doubtless were in nature, Gto-wIt:
(S) Ham and Sh(s)m-the reader will doubtless
recoIect lshsm j and living proof that humanity
believes in sham is found in that creed which ex- |
tends throughout Asia-Shamanism.
The Greek and Roman mythologies abound with |
instances In point Diana had three regular dis |
guises which she assumed at pleasure, not to |
speak OF the changes to which, as the moon, she |
was entitled; Venus was not much better, and |
there was, IN addition, Proteus, god particularly
presiding over shams. The oracles were shams |