Des Arc weekly citizen., 1868-06-13
SALMAGUNDI.
A delightful trip--to Have-Anna. E% flowers are slow, and

e%Sweet flowers are slow, and weeds make haste.
 p6- Inviolablc fidelity, good humor, and complacency of temper, outlive all the charms of fine face, and make the decay of it invisible.
 f3~ A gentle heart is like ripe fruit, which bends so low that it is at the mercy of every one who chooses to pluck it, while the harder fruit keeps out of reach.
 pa5- In Washington Hiram Ulysses Grant is called the GCTTER PERCH A MAN; we suppose, because he is SO off, ten perched in gutter!
 nD- Wade is given to profanity, Grant to whiskey, and political parsons to "clerical indiscretions." They are all band of brothers.
 pg-A Western editor says that in smoky Pittsburg men kiss each others wives, and arc able to tell which is | their own only by the taste
 pGWc don't pretend to say how well posted hogs are in mathematics, but one thing is certain, they know all about square root-hogs do.
 ay-A celebrated lawyer once said that the three most troublesome clients he ever had were young lady who wanted to be married, woman that wanted a divorce, and an old maid who did not know what she wanted.
 Bsg~Beauty itself doth of itself per- suade the eyes of men without an or. ator.
 Das-A thief, who broke jail in Ohio, the other day, being captured, told the officer that he might have escaped, but he had conscientious scruples about travelling oa the Sabbath day.
 BJ~A young widow, who had mar ried an old man, was continually speaking of "my first husband" Tho second husband at first gently remon- strated. T guess" said the wife, pout- ing, "you'H want me to remember you, 1 when you're dead and gone" ns-Sentinental young lady, to per l fumer: "I don't think you forwarded the scent I meant. It seems entirely different to that I ordered" Perfumer, who is fond of punning: Madam, I am sure that what you meant sent; the scent sent was the scent you meant, consequently, we are both of one sentiment.
 nAr Nimrod, astray q say, my good 1 fellow, I've missed my way; can you tell me where I am ?" Agriculturist "Ees, kin!" Nimrod: "Thank you; where am I? ?" Agriculturist Whoy, i there you bel"
 BG~ While ten men watch for chan ces, one man makes chances; while ten men wait for something to turn up one turns something up; so while ten fail, one succeeds and is called a man of luck, the favorite of fortune. There is no luck like pluck, and fortune most favors those who arc most indifferent to fortune.
 Hss~ Poverty is, except where there is an actual want of food and raiment, thing much more imaginary than real. The shame of poverty-the shame of being thought poor--it is great and fatal weakness, though aris- ing in this country from the fashion of the times themselves.
 D@Drunkness and extravaganza in dress are the most common social vices,' said the Rev. Dr. Teaser. "I beg your pardon, uncle, but think there is a social vice far more common than either of 'em, and one to which you yourself are much addicted" res- bonded his nephew Tom. "Name it." said his uncle, aghast. "Advice," said the audacious Tom.
 At a bar dinner, MT. Sam Ewing, a lawyer and punster, was called upon for song, and while hesitating to res- pond, judge present observed that it wouldn't be much. as it would be but Sam (psaln) singing. We'll" rejoined Ewing, even that would be better than him (hymn) singing The judge will ted.
 nA-A young man asked an old gentlememan for his daughter in mar riage. The answer was, "Go into the orchard, and bring in number of ap- ples. Give me one half of the whole number, and the mother one-half of the balance and half an apple over, and to the daughter one-half of the remainder and half an apple over, and have one left for yourself, without cutting an apple, and then, if she is willing, you can have her." He solved the ques- tion, and how many did he bring2 Answer correctly, and you may have one of the apples to eat.
 s@Two enterprising Yankees have started out on temperance tour. One is to do the lecturing, and the other to set the frightful example.
 s%Ofall the young women mention~ ed in the Bible, Ruth seems to have treated her sweetheart the worst. She pulled his ears and trod on his corn.
 s1rA young lady who teaches music in an academy in Western New York, sent an order to publisher recently, in which she had spelled the words very poorly. She apologized by ad- ding a postscript as follows: "You must exkews this letter, as pla bi noat butt spel bi ear" A pretty bad spell