Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-01-10

.9 NUMBER Al.
wise - Ofherwise.
Divorce suits have begun snong the
Morinons. ss.ss.t s.s4
II IL hard to live without d wiF84-no
gentle heart TO get up cold mornings TO
build the fire.
When is blow from lady well
come? When she strikes you agrsea-
bly,. 4
The thought Of death, that strikes ths
wise man with awe, may leave unsha-
ken the self-cons placency of the fool:
The wind that rocks the tower whistles
through the hut.
.'papa, please buy me muff when
YOU 90 to Boston, Slater Minnie,
by, says, "You are too little to
have muiE" "Am too little to be-
cold ~ rejoins the indignant little
Ruth.
Anna Dickinson was applied to re-
Gently by u committee from the West
for political lecture, and offered them
Breakers Aheadn She received the
answer: THAT will do; give us Break
his head.'n
A crusty old bachelor, not liking the
way his landlady's daughter had .of ap-
propriating his hair oil, hllsd the bot
tie with LIQUID glue the day before q
ball to which the girl was invited. She
staid at home In consequences.
An exhorter at revival meeting be-
came rather indignant because broth
er was his superior In singing. and
said: Brother ----- can sing and pray
but, by the blessing of God, there's ono
thing can beat him in--I can fiddle
his shirt OFF,"
Not long since young Kentuckian
was paying his undivided attention to
one Of the fair sex, and, dead I'm earn
est, concluded 10 pop the question. At
ter much stammer and hesitation tho
young lady exclaimed: "I am partial
ly engaged, but mother wants to mar
ry"
George Francis Train II seriously ON
the track for the Presidency. He is
going to canvass the South next month
III he will talk protection to those
Southerners as he talked 10 here, he
will do more good than harm. We
doubt IL he ever harms anybody, how
ever. ,,. fa
Hans, Ham where , you = get an that hnls kniiss'
believes you tells one big lie" mo,
farder, dat is true; / Is the luckies boy
you never see." "Vell, Hans, / hss to
vip you.u "Not cause steals farder?'
mo, mans, vips you cause you so
very lucky"
Charles Dickcns--a high authority
leans to the position that first impress
ions are usually correct, and also says:
"I have known o vast quantity Of nom
sense talked about bad men not look
ing you In the face. Don't trust that
conventional idea. Dishonesty viii
stare honesty out OF cOuntenance any
day of the week, II there is any thing 10
be got by it."
I A raw Irishman went into a reetau-
rant, and was asked by tho waiter what
he would have. "Why, whites to ate,
ov coorse," was the reyly. A plate of
hash was placed before him. "Fot's
dat?n demanded Mike. That's wittles'
was the answer. Mike eyed the conf
pound suspiciously for some time. and
finaily exclaimed: "Be jabers, the man
that chawed that can ate it.p h2
A gentleman. one evening, was seat
ed near lovely woman when the COM
pany around were proposing conun-
drums to each other. Turning to his
companion, he said. "Nhy Is n lady
unlike q mirror?n She gave IL up.
Because said the rude fellow, ia
mirror reflects without or eaking la
dy speaks without refiecting.p "Very
good, ,n-said she, "Now answer me:
Why In q man unlike mirror ?'' "I
cannot tell you.n Because the mirror
Is polished and the man Is not"
An exchange says: 1--WE were con-
siderably amused the other evening, at
three little girls playing among the
sage brush i'm q back yard. Two Of
them were making believe keep house,
O few yards distant from each other
neighbors as II were. One of them said
to tie other little girl: There, now,
Nelly, you go to Sarah's house. and
stop and talk awhile, and then you
come back and tell me what she says
about me; and then I'll talk about her
and then we'll get mad and wont speak
TO each other, just like our mothers do,
you know. Oh that will be 30 much
fun.'o fts Haf rtaE..a #at.aH.ttfEf
A good story 10 told of certain Col
onei In the late war. The aforesaid
Colonel was riding In a stage coach,
with several other passengers, when he
accidentally dropped his hat outside of
the coach. Putting his head out Of the
coach window he exclaimed I'm ~ stem
torian voice: -.
"Charioteer, pause! I have lost my
chapeau Z"
The driver paid no attention to the
demand. Again the pompous fellow
authoritively spoke:
"Charioteer, pause have lost my
chapeaul"s ff1@4
No attention being paid by the dri-
yer to this last command. q plain blunt
man, who had become disgusted with
his fellow travellers Stiffness and POM
posity, put his head out of the window
aud said: ~
"Driver, hold on this d-d fool has
lost his hat!"
This was perfectly intcllinible TO the
driver, expletive and ell, and the hat
was secured. tst