Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-09-08
Noted and Quoted.

q
A drawback blister
Pies constitute substantially 'spizen" diet.
"After me,' as the needle said to the thread.
Motto for a jail-O-kum and dwell with me.
Motto for the reprieyed-"No moose is good
news"
Sticks that Yankees don't care to whittle-
fddlesticks.
The woman who husbanded her means was a
single woman.
Pumps stand still and run at the same time.
Human pumps don't stand still at all.
Is the property of barber forfeited to the
State, when he dies and leaves no heirs? Us.
'sWell, George" asked friend of young
lawyer chow do you like your profession y
"Alas, sir, my profession is much better than
my practice" 81 54t Ta
A traveller says there is race of men at the
extremity of South America of such enormous
proportions that they mix their lather in a
wash-tub and shave with scythe.
A man was in photographers the other day
when,,it was the hottest, to sit for picture. =
"How long will | have to waltz he inquired.
"Only! a minute, while we prepare the plate"
replied the operator. Plate calculated the
patient, wiping rivers of perspiration from his
face If keep on sweating like this. no plate
will hold me-you Il have to take me in soup
bowl?" 10.
A Young man from the country went into
Bridgeport drug store the other day, and seeing
people freely patronizing the soda fountain, at
length stepped up and asked for drink of
that are" Tor himself After swallowing the
foaming contents of the glass, and laying down
his stamps with satisfied air upon the coun-
ter Mister, said he, what do you call that
stuff that bites sop On being told that it was
soda water, 'Waall said he, Il sposed it was
sweetened wind. |" , s'--i 81 L-1os-'. t4-- -
When Mrs: M. was preparing to act "Jane
Shore, at Liverpool, her dresser, an ignorant
girl, informed her that woman had called to
request two box orders, because she and her
daughter had walked four miles on purpose to
see the play. Does she know me ?" inquired
the mistress. Not at all - was the reply
What very odd request' exclaimed Mrs
McGibbon; has the good woman got her fac
ulhes about her ?''a'l think she have, ma am
for see she has got something tied up in red
silk handkerchief ssG, ID = "a
A farmer was telling his friend about a tax
collector whose receipt he had lost, who asked
him for payment of tax a second time: f.
Would you believe it, when [ told him /
had paid it once, and would not pay it again
the scoundrel began to abuse me ?''-
w hat did you do p asked his friend
why demonstrated with him. :"
And to what effect?' III
"Well, don't exactly know" was the re-
ply, but the poker was bent" h9 SIS
When, in the course of human events, the
dark clouds OF aaverslty hang upon the horizon
OF our days, shutting out all cheering rays of
hope, making the head faint and the heart sick.
when the friends Of prosperity desert us, and
naught but despair fingers around our pathway
how cheering even the faintest tinge of silver
ing upon the stormy cloud 70 such we would
say delay not moment in securing chance
for the widening Of that silver lining, by forth
with settling your Indebtedness to the printer.
A certain Divine about to change his congre-
cation mentioned the subject from the pulpit.
After service was over an old negro man who
was one OF his admirers, went up to him and
desired to know the motives of his leaving his
hrst flock. The parson answered, Il have a
call |" - ''---- '''l1'
''''Ah, massa, y returned the negro, ''who
called you?"
THE Lord" answered the parson.
''Ay, massa, he call YEP" ....--.7,
Yes, Jack, he called me-"
'Massa, what you get here
u get six hundred dollars
And what you get to der place ?''
Il am to get one thousand dollars
AYE, massa, de lord can call you ill he he
blind from one thousand dollars to SIX hundred
dollars-you no go. ..-