Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1868-04-04
WAsHtxGrox, D. c., /
March Is, 1868. J

WASHINGTON, b. c., !
March 10, 1868. J
Probably the happiest party wich evel
assembled in this vale of teers, wuz in
the White House on the night Nv the
elekshun in Moo Hampsheer 1t wuz a
gay and festive seen. Hilarity rained
The president with unwonted smile on
to his face, his nose shinin with super.
material brilliancy, his eyes sparklin with
a lite that Good only come from sole
surcharged with joy and skin tolerably
full NV whiskey, walked up and down
the room, rubbin his hands with glee that
Good not be repressed.
"Is all prepared ?" asked Randall, NV a
humble lookin cuss that does share NV
his managin, (he wuz usually paid by
Mrs. Cobb, but sense her untimely fail
yoor in biznis, he is allowed the earnins
NV one day in each month NV whiskey
Inspector in Moo York; "is every thing
arranged %
"It is your Egglency." (To these fel-
lers all the high officers are "Eggslencies. F"
"Is the powder prokured tor one hun
dred guns %
'lt is yoor Eggslency."
"is the rockets drawed from the Navy
Department to be fired from the differ
ent parts NV the city to show spontane-
Gus enthoosiasm ?"
''They is yoor Eggslency."
'Hev the Department clerks bin noti-
fed that 1t wood be well for en- to glad
ly fall into the percession when his Eggs
lency the President is to be serenaded,
ef they desire to keep their places %
'"They hev."
"Hev the transparencies bin painted
with the proper inscriptions? Did yoo
see one inscribed 'Sinciair's majority 3,
600! Moo Hamrsheer's protest agin ini-
parchment p"
''They hev, and l did"
''Thcn," said Randall, "all is in readi-
ness The brass bands know are il wait
in. Stanberry writ the President't speech
this mornin, and he hez it tolerabiy well
by heart, and the jolliticashen must go
OFF smooth and pleasant.
At this moment the President ap-
preached:
"Ham sed he, ''in one short hour WISH
ington will be alive with joy, and the
country will breathe tree. Moo Hamp-
sheer hez spoken. In hour we shel hev
the glad Intelligence that she hez bin
t 90 the constooshen ez expound it
that she hez rebooked Sumner, and Ste
vens, and Wade, and sich, and sed in
thunder tones to the impious wretches,
who wood, i'll me, pull down the pliers
NV the government, stay yer tratnicidle
hands The that Overpowers ne. Let's
take sunthm."
a half hour wuz spent in innocent
hilarity. The President showed the tho
roughnls NV his reconversion to Dimocri-
sy by takin hizzen strate, with nothin in
it, While Seward betrayed his orijin, and
his consekent onreIiability, by driukin
some kind NV lite wine with no more
body into it than wood be in watered ci,
der.
"Confusion to Wade !" exclaimed the
President, holding up his glass and watch
in the beades rise TO the surface with a
pleased eye.
moo Hampsheer sed Seward, ''may
Connecticut carry forard the work she
hez so gloriously begun.
"Our offiises,'' sed Randall, "Long may
we hold them"
"Kentucky," sed I, "allus troo; tho all
other States may desert Dimocrisy, Ken
lucky will be faithful mong the taithlis
found. Her distilleries attest her stead
tastness 10 her party obligashens.
And in such toasts the 80 minutes
wore away.
a private sekretary entered.
"A dispatch from Moo Hampsheer p
"Haw said Randall, seezin it, ''now
tremble Ablishnism; quake Stevens for
yer time is come! Exalt your horn,
Dimocrisy for the reackshen is here!'
The gentle and trustful Sekretary,
opened it read moment, turned pale and
fell a fainting on the floor. Seward
glanced at it and gaspin ''This is the end
NV life,'' (wich he intended for his last
words. fell likewise PROSTATE. The Presi-
dent snatched it from Stewards hands
and tainted across the rest Nv EN-, and
Wells seein the President faint, did it
becoz the President did, without readin
it. Welles takes physic every time the
President does.
l snatched the dispatch and read 1t
myself, ez followes:
''To THE PRESIDENT Its all up. I'm
a dead duck. Hartman is elected by
about 5000. The reackshen got stuck In
notch NV the White Mountains. Pray
for us.
''SINCLAIR."
Utterin stingin cuss at Dean and
Burr, and them fellers who he'd deceived
usinto beleef that No Hampshire wuz
safe, sot about bringin NV elm to. The
President wuz the longest comm out
Nv the faint. Sadly they riz, one after
rother, their dejcckshun contrastin with
the hilarity nv moment afore.
Ringfu bell, Randall sed to the clerk
who ansered it, ez follows:
'Yoo may inform the bands that it