The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1868-12-30
OUR BABY.

it, as far as its individual identity wa
concerned. IF babies must exist
and | suppose there is necessity TO
the thing, or else where would all thu
grown people come from?-this babl
was as well In its way as any othe
baby
| mention these facts merely t.
prove am in no way prejudiced. Al
far as mortal man can be, | am an en-
tirely impartial witness.
It was fast asleep in its cradle-s
little white headed doll, with long
dark eyelashes, and crimson dot O
a mouth, against which lay its tiny
fist, with FIVE we'll defined dimples il
the five joints thereof. 1t was fast
asleep, / say, when Bertha came airily
into the room.
I'm going over to the depot to see
mother off, Joseph, I'll be back in
half an hour. just keep an eyf
to the baby while I'm gone, will
your"
L looked blankly at my sister. Bul
while | was considering how best to
express my total dissent from hel
audacious proposition. she tripped out
of the room, her ribbons huttering in
the soft spring air.
Silence doesn't always give consent,
but Bertha had taken it for granted,
In this matter, and / was left an un-
willing guardian of my little nephew.
However. he was fast asleep, that
was one circumstance IN my favor.
Mortal baby couldn't present a more
innocent and cherubic aspect than he
did. So | calmly went on with my
writing, soon becoming oblivious to
his infantile presence.
Talk about tending babies" quoth
/ to myself, dipping my goose quill
triumphantly into the ink. Why
it's the easiest business in life. I
should never spend my money hiring
nurses, if the little one was mine
but women never do know how to
economic properly"
As these faacies passed through my
mind, the baby woke up and sneezed.
I gave the cradle an oseillatory kick,
and then burst into the well-known
burden of p" Bye a-baby-bunting, but
the little villain absolutely declined
to shut his eyes again, like sensible
baby. He opened them wider than
miniature moons, stared at me with
an air of malevolence that has made
me firm believer in human deprav-
ity ever since, and deliberately began
to cry. And the harder / rocked the
cradle and the louder sang the more
resolutely did that baby cry.
He's hungry" thought l to my
of. Babies must be fed, and it's
highly reprehensible of Bertha to stay
away so long"
So I went down into the pantry and
instituted a search for some milk
which | had vague idea was the diet
preferred by toothless Infancy. But
milk there was none. Lamp oil, Stew
arts syrup, vinegar, kerosene, brandy,
everything but milk was there; every
conceivable fluid in aggravating prOfu-
sion-but not drop of milk.
All this time, meanwhile, the roars
Of my nephew, but slightly softened
by distance, followed me about like a
Nemesis.
| rushed frantically up stairs armed
with lump of sugar, the first sooth.
ing expedient that suggested itself to
me.
Bless its dear little heart, there,
there; eonfound your racket, can't
you keep still Take its sugar from
its own, own uncle, that's a little
golden boy"
But the golden boy absolutely re-
iected the sugar, screaming louder
than ever, as if its lungs were forty
baby power, and warranted never to
tire out. 1t kicked, it struggled, it
paved the air, it grew purple in the
face. Ashes of King aHerod and all
the Egyptiansl whatwas a man to dO2
In vain | executed war dance
around its cradle, In vaiu | rang the
dinner-bell, aud jingled the china
ornaments, and waved the feather
buster. and swung my gold repeater,
and bawled nursery ballads at the top
OF my lungs. Talk about perseverance.
Robert Bruce's spider was nothing to
that atrocious lump of mortality.
There's nothing for it but to ca
pitulate," said [ to myself, as / jam
med nv hat on my head, viciously
thrust my arms into my overcoat, and
seized the baby out of its cradle.
Leave it absolutely alone | dared
not, aud the nearest grocery where
milk was procurable lay three blocks
off! Thus, in a sort of stony despair
/ issued forth from the house, carry
ing my prosecutor like bundle under
my arm.
1 thought he would stop crying
when he got into the open air, but not
he; oxygen only seemed to increase
the shrill power Of his villainous little
pipes! People turned to stare at mt
as if l were an escaped lunatio or al
abductor of human innocence. Wo'
men looked Indignantly at the
baby. Blue worsted socks and
little pink legs kicking blandlI
from beneath my arms. Children rar
after nee, dogs barked, but kept dog
cedly on my way, walking into the
grocery, with a resolution second Onll
20 that of the Roman fellow WHIT
Jumped into a crater, nobody know:
how many hundred years ago.
"A pint of milk. if you please"
Milk, sir? Have you 5rough
anything to put it in"
/ thought of my tobacco box, m.
pocket handkerchief, the corner o
nv hat. all of these impracticabl
places for the deposit of the lactea
fluid. =,
never thought of thatl'' / said
riqhting the baby, who came hea'
uppermost with very crimson eou9
te6anoe and eyes looking detiantl
into mine: eyes that said. as IT the
had spoken in so many. syllabies,
won { stop crying L IL die tirstF
The storekeeper looked on sympa
thetically. 49,,
4 could sell you a nice littl
The very ideal" 1 interrupted
"a pitcher of milk! and please tax
the change out of this porte monnai'
for if | had three pairs of hands
couldn't more than hold this klekln
little demon with EN-"
n "Well, sir" said the storekeepe