The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1868-06-20
selected story.
OUR BABY.
RAcHELoR's EXPERIENCE WITH II.

1t was very pretty baby-that is, for a
baby. had no fault TO lind with it, as far as
its individual identity was concerned II ba-
bies must exist-and suppose there is a ne
cessity for the thing, or else where would all
the grown people come from ?-this baby was
as well in its way as any her baby.
l mention these facts merely to prove that
/ am in no way prejudiced. As Tar as mortal
man can be, | am entirely an Impartial Wit
ness.
1t was fast asleep in its cradle-a little
white-headed doll. with long dark eyelashes,
and crimson dot of mouth, against which
Law its tiny fist, with five we-defined dimples
in the five joints thereof. 1t was fast asleep,
l say, when Bertha came airily into the room.
u am going over to The depot to see moth
er OIL, Joseph. I'll be back in half an hour.
just keep an eye to the baby, while am
gone, will your"
looked blankly at my sister. But while l
was considering how best to express my total
dissent from her audacious proposition, she
tripped out of the room, her ribbons fiutter-
ing in the soft spring air.
Silence doesn't always give consent, but
Bertha bad taken it for granted, in this mat
ter, and was left an unwilling guardian of
my little nephew.
However, he was fast asleep; that was one
circumstance in my favor. Mortal baby
couldn't present more innocent and cheru-
UiO dopCSt budu lie Do l. calmly went OIL
with my writing, soon becoming oblivious to
his infantile presence.
Talk about tending babies" quoth l to
myself, piping my goose-quill triumphantly
into the ink, why It's the easiest business
in life. l should never spend my money hir-
ing nurses, If that little one was mine; but
women never do know how to economize
property"
As these fancies passed through my mind,
the baby woke up and sneezed.
gave the cradle an oscilatory kick, and
then burst forth into the well-known burden
Of" Bye-a baby bunting" but the little villain
absolutely declined to shut his eyes again
like sensible baby. He opened them wider
than two miniature moons, stared at me with
an air of malevolence that made me firm
Believer in human depravity ever since, and
deliberately began to cry. And the harder
rocked the cradle and the louder 1 sang,
the more resolutey did that baby cry.
"Hes hungry" thought L to myself. 'Ba-
bies must be fed, and it's highly reprehensi-
BILE of Bertha to stay away SO long,"
So went down into the pantry and insti-
tuted search for milk; which had a vague
idea was the diet generally preferred by tooth
less infancy. But milk there was none. Lamp
oil, Stewalts syrup, kerosene, brandy every
thing but milk was there; every known or
conceivable huid, in aggravating profuson,
but not drop of milk
Ali this time meanwhile, the roars of my
nephew, but slightly sottened by the distance,
followed me about like a Nemesis.
i rushed irantically up stairs, armed with
lump OF sugar, the first soothing expedient
that suggested itself to me.
BLESS its dear little heart, there, there
coniound your racket, can't you keep still
Take its sugar from its own, own uncle,
that's a little golden boy"
But the golden boy resolutely rejected the
sugar, screaming louder than ever; as If its
lungs were forty baby power, and warranted
never to tire out. 1t kicked and struggled,
it paved the air, it grew purple in the face.
Ashes OF King Herod and all the Egyptians /!
what was man to do?
In vain executed a war dance around its
cradle; In vain | rang the dinner bell, and
jingled the china ornaments, and waved tn 2
feather buster, and swung my gold repeater,
and baWled nursery ballads at the top of my
lungs. Talk about perseverance. Robert
Bruce's spider was nothing to that atrocious
little lump OF mortality.
Ihere's nothing for it but to capitulate,'
SAID to myself as jammed my hat ON my
head, viciously thrust my arm into my over
coat, and seized the baby out of the cradle
Leave it absolutely alone dared not, and
tne nearest grocery where milk was procura-
BILE lay full three blocks off!
mus In a sort OF stony despair | issued
like bundle under one aim. a
thought he would stop crying when he
got into the open air, but not he; oxygen
only seemed to increase the shrill power OF
his viainous little pipes People turned to
stare at me, as If were an escaped lunatic
or an abductor of infant innocence. Wo-
men looked Indignantly at the baby.
Blue worsted socks and little pink legs
kicked blindly from beneath my arms. Chill
dren ran after me, dogs barked, but l kept
doggedly on my way, walking into the groc-
cry with resolution second only to that OF
the Roman fellow who jumped into a crater,
nobody knows how many hundred years ago.
"A pint OF milk, if you please"
MILK, sir! Have you brought anything
thought of my tobacco box, nv pocket
handkerchief, the corner of my hat, all of the
impracticable places for the deposit of the
tactical fluid.
IL never thought of thatw said, rishting
the baby, who came head uppermost with a
very crimson countenance, and eyes looking
very dehantly into mine; eyes that said as it
they had spoken in so many syllabes. 81
sUon't stop crying! III die firstw
The storekeeper looked on sympatheticallv.
could sell you nice little pitcher, sir,
"The very idea," interrupted, "a pitcher
OF milk, and please take the change out of
this porte monnaie; Tor if had three pair of
hands couldn't more than hold this kicking
little demon with emp
well, sir" said the storekeeper, "he does
seem rare un for .usin' his legs, let alone
his lungs. Yes, sir, thank'ee, STRIP
Now, have always laid it up as a grudge
against human nature that that unprincped
grocery-man took five dollar bill out of nv
portmonnaie, knowing that should not dis
cover IT. until it was too late to rectify the er-
ror!
| would not have treated Turk soD 80
took my pitcher of milk with my right
hand, still balancing the baby against my lett
arm and side, started Tor home.
Now, I'll settle your business, my fine
young FRIEND" thought "Is ii possible that
was ever such an incorrigible nuisance as
this?"
But my triumph was speedily reduced to
the lowest pitch of humiliation.
"Dear me, Mr.. Beverly, is it possible that
this syou?"
1t was Kate Millions self, radiant in spring
bonnet, lilac silk walking dress, close-fringed
parasol, and the daintiest of lilac kid gloves.
Kate Milton, with an air of establishment
that served to make her one degree pretter
than ever.
My first instinct was to turn and flee 10.
ANONYMOUSLY; my second was to drop my
nephew and his milk into the gutter and res
olutely deny all connection with them: INV
third prompted me to stand my ground.
Yes, It is !, Miss Milton-a-fne day."
Every fine"
Kate eyed me obviously, and no wonder.
One sock, curling and twisting as it serpen-
were inside oil it instead OF babys foot ap-
peared beneath my coat skirts, fIanked by
about quarter of yard OF Swiss embroidery
and tucks, wofully cramped by the fiery or
deal through which we had both passed-the
milk contound itD had dripped adown the
full length OF my pearl coored pantaloons,
and my hat, bent and bruised, was thrust
raklshly ON the side ofmy head. L was glove
less, flushed and disheyelled, and take me
FOR all In all, J" must have appeared consider
ably like pickpocket, or an old clothes man
out for walk.
passed on, followed by the sound of faint
but subdued laughter-a sound that stung me
to the quick
SO Kate and her companion were laughing
at me; this was, indeed the unkindest cut OF
all resolved never to dance the German
with Kate Milton again.
Inc house was quiet and deserted as / re-
turned and inserted my night key in the little
circular lock. What could have become of
Bertha? The cold dew oozed out of INV
brow as L, for one instant, contemplated the
horrible possibility OF my being left. sort of
modern Robinson Crusoe, with that diahoIi.
cal little man Friday on my hands.
Nonsense there was no probability of that
sat down on Bertha's low rocking chair and
planting the baby firmly on my knee, an
Piled the spout of the pitcher to his mouth.
Would you believe it? he wouldn't drink
drop. He screwed his month aS tiohf!u