The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-07-31
dIrif an& 0uulnr.
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- The music of the cotton mills is
said to be made by the bands that run
the machinery.
- Why is the map of Turkey, in
Europe, Ikea dripping pan? Because
there is Greece at the bottom.
ID, - The man who is writing His
tory of the Devil has gone to Congress
to collect material for his work.
g. The good easy man who takes
things as they come was q little too
careless and took something which
didu't belong to him.
- One of the points of difference
between christian and cannibal is,
that one is supposed to enjoy himself
and the other enjoys other people.
- A Jerseyman was recently ar
rested for tloggiDg woman, and eX-
cused the act by saying he was near
sighted, and thought it was his wife.
- Some itemizer asserts that But
ler's father was hanged for piracy. The
sons exploits too, have been on the high
seize.
- Why is a man who hesifltes to
sign the temperance pledge like a skep-
teal Hindoo? Because lie don't know
whether to give up the jug or not jug
ernaut.)
"Sambo why am dat niger down
dare in de hole OBJ de boat like chick
en- in de egg 2" 81 gives dem up
because he couldn't git out lift wasn't
for de hatch"
- An Irishman hearing of a friend
having stone coffin made for himself,
exclaimed. "By my soul aud that IS a
good idea sure all a stone coffin 'ud
last a man his life time."
"Hans." said the Judge to a
Dutchman who was witness in the case
of a stolen pig, mad the animal any ear
marks?" ''Vel de only ear vat see
vas NIT his tail cut off," tt
- Miss Rye, who provides the house
keepers of Canada with English house,
maids, imported under her auspices.
was recently robbed in Montreal. That
was literally going through the Rye,
- A young lady at school, engaged
in the study OF grammar was asked If
skis" was common or proper Doun.--
After some hesitation She replied, sit
is both common and proper"
''Have not offered you every
advantage?" said doting father o mis-
son. sob, yes" replied the youth;
'.but could not think of taking adv.n-
CiSe Oh my IaLnef.
- A siump-speaker exclaimed, IL
know no north, no south, no east, no
we>t. fellow-clrizens.' Then exclaim-
ed an old farmer III the crowd, its time
you went 10 school and larn't your jog
raphy.'
"Tain't de whitenor yet de black
folks who hab de most influeu g in dis
world, but de yellow boys" said old
Aunt Chloe, as she jingled a few gold,
co.'s that had come down from q former
generation.
- Why are sheep the most disslpa-
ted and unfortunate of animals? Be-
cause they ganboi about in their youth
frequent the turf, and very generally
are bfack-legs. and are universally flee
ced.
- A wolf, says Plutarch, peeping
into hut where a lot ofshepherds were
RECALLING themselvesiwith joint of NUT
ton, exclaimed. "What clamor these
men would have made had they caught
me at such banquet"
r, - The wife of black man present.
ted her husband with male twin chill
dren. Meeting a friend Sanibo was
asked if they looked like each other
"Yes. by golly, so much SO that you
can't tell them apart, specially Pomp.'
- An Illinois editor claims cham
pion dun lers belt for a gentleman in
Jacksonville in that State, who dunned
man on his knees in cl urch. and cont
PEELED him to payment before he would
be allowed to resume his prayer.
- ittakes long time to start a
newspaper and bring it up to good es-
tablished paying condition. The pub
1ichnpc of NON N Svafla,, Of tat trx
ing it one hundred and three years,
have at last abandoned the enterprise.
- A credulous man said to a man
who had wooden leg:
SHOW came you to have wooden
Lego"
"Wby," answered the wag my father
had one, and my grand father had one
and it runs in the breed"
- A gentleman was praising the
beautiful hair of lady, when one OF
these precossious little Misses who al
ways have word to say remarked. 81
guess my hair would look as well, if
took as much care Oft, Mamma never
sleeps in her hair"
- A lawyer in N. H., who is noted
for his profanity being deeply engaged
in an argument, declared that rather
than yield to his opponent he would
carry his suit to the Court of Heaven.
81 guess" replied one who stood near,
ttyOu will have to get some one else to
tend to it for you, for III be burned if
they will let you into that ar court ~
- little boy who lived for some
time with penurious uncle was one
day walking, out met friend, accom-
panied by greyhound, addressed him.
the little fellow never having seen dog
of SO slim texture, clasped the creature
around the nec6 with the cry. sob,
doggie doggle do you live with your
uncle, too, tn At you are so thin"
Jones was, or believed he was
near his death, and the doctor calling
he held long and earnest conversation
about his chance of life. "Why, man."
said the physician, ''you are likely TO
die at any hour. You have been living
for the last fifteen years without con-
stitution-lungs gone liver diseased.
aud all that sort ofthing." "You don't |
mean to say" said Jones questionably |
tsthit man can live for Is years with |
out a constitution ?'' Eyes do, re- |
torted the doctor ''aud you are an exam. |
ple." s'Then DOCTOR" and a bright |
smile Illuminated the pallid face of the |
doomed man, ''Then doctor l'll go it 10 |
years longer OIL the bylaws" and he
did.
- Klopstock the German poet has
engraved on the tombstone of his wife
two sheaves of wheat, thrown as it were
carelessly together, with the words -
uWe shall ripen in heaven" MIR. and
Mrs. Thad Stevens unfinished monu-
ment bears a similar device, with the
uyorfIS ave shall be threshed in he"