The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-06-05
Wrif an& 9uutar .


- The South is compared with M
egg-white with yolk to it.
- An early spring-jumping on
OF bed a: five O'Clock in the morning.
- " an transported to see you.
as the convict said to the Kangaroo.
- Marrying and settling down il
now called co-oppertive housekeeping
- What is the highest pitch of tn,
voice? The place where it sticks.
- Is man who has made fool o
himself a self-nade man?
Some one calls the time of sdueez
ing girls hands the palmy days O.
The man who was hemmed in by 9
Gro I'd has haG a stitch in his side ever
since.
- Josh Billings says pity never
changed into respect, but usually into
disgust. Keen and true.
- The latest novelty in fire arms
is a gun which is capable of being dis
charged with arepremand.
- What sort of cravat would a
hog be most likely to choose !? A pigs
tye.
-. Peter, thinks it would be an
eggs-quisite eggs-ample for our market
to ct in selling eggs by weight. 1t
would eggs-actly suit.
- prominent journalist in New
York. who is perfectly bald. has Of
tered a reward of $1,000 for a tale that
will make his hair stand on end.
- little boy at Sunday school
being asked, 'What was the chief end
OF man !" replied. "The end what's got
the head on"
- The authorities of San Francis
co recently ordered that all bar rooms
should be closed at IL o'clock midnight
They were and in five minutes opened
again for the nert day.
"Wonan is delusion 7" ex-
claimed crusty old bachelor to a wit
ty young lady. Sand man is always
hugglng some delusion or othe :" was
tle quick retort.
- When Thad Stevens was asked.
what he thought of Mr.. Evart's argu-
ment, he promptly replied, Il think as
did in February, that nearly all the
articles are..worthless.
A concious stricken thief left n
roll OF cloth worth sixty dollars, which
had been stolen at late fire at War
rem, Me. at its owners door, tabled thus:
"Rum took this of, but sober brought
it back"
-"My DEAR" said rural wife to
her husband on his return from town,
what was the sweetest thing you saw
in bonnets in the city ?"
80, the laGies faces, my dear"
- lfyourun your umbrella through
mans hat, soothe him by saying he
needn't apologize for having it in the
way. AT the same time it would be
well to congratulate him it wasn't his
body.
"A young lady school teacher of
Frederick eity, was endeavoring to i'm
press upon her pupils the terrible effect
of the punishment of Nebuchadnezer.
She told them that for seven years he
eat grass like cow. just then small
boy asked "Did he give milk ?''
- A New York SABBATH School
teacher asked young pupil the mean
ing of the wages OF sin is death, the |
boy did not know what wages were, and |
was asked, ''what his father got on |
Saturday night - "Drunk," was the
answer.
- Ifyou are addicted to drink PAT
ranize the meanest saloon you can find
If the liquor is bad you wont 90 so Of
ten. There is nothing like economy.
The meaner the whiskey you drink,
the sooner you occupy coffin and
cease paying taxes.
"A child in an English Sunday
school, being called VI to say her text
promptly delivered herself of the ,ol-
lowing "He that Matched me, Matched
my father also," After some questions
1t was discovered that the passage which
the little innocent meant to say was:
s.He that hateth mehateth my father al
3d."
- The late King of Bavaria it is
broke off his marriage engage
ment with the Duchess Sophia becaIise
he suspected that she had hasty tenn
per--a suspicion which arose from the
tact that she was. accustomed in the
kings presence to box the ears of her
waiting maid with a saucer. The pru- ,
lent king thought of his own ears and
hesitated.
- An lrishman being asked at the /
nhle would he take some apple pie, re-
,lied.
sis it houlsome ?'' i
"To be sure it is; why do you ask that
luestion.- y
"Bekase l once had an uncle that i
vas Killed with apple plexy, and sure |
bought It was something of the same
ort of DISH" =
1850 A Womans Sermon-My friends
here are three things wonder at LIST
mat children should be so foolish as TO 4
brow up stones and clubs into fruit :,
rees to knock down the fruit if thew
you'd let 1t alone it would tall ITSELF n
nd. That men should be so foolish and s
ven so wicked as to go to war and kill e
ne another, they would let one an il
ther alone, they would die of them II
elves. 5rd. That young men should a
e so unwise as to go after the young ~
'omen II they would only stay at home :
ne young women would come after I
hem..
= Billtngs-gate-1t Is dreadful ca
to be fool--a man can be one and
OF know it.
Elegant ieisure-chewing plug tobac-
}, and splitting in dorgs eyes.
Real happiness don't consist so much
what aman don't have, as it does i'm
hat he don't want.
Fear is the first lesson larnt and the =
st one forgotten.
Nobody but fool gifts bit twice by
lie same dorg. 4
A pet lamb always makes a cross Y
m.
Epetaphs and obituaries are all like ~
rcus bills-there is more in the hills -
an is ever performed. G
- A talking match is onlthe tanis =,
tween two women Off Boston, =
mount not stated. Time, twentv-four A
RS without sleeD No stonparss for -