Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-05-15
Odds uud 9uas.


TecL0n.
TOBACCO should not be cheWed, but
eschewed.
A just man hateth the evil, but not the
evildoer.
MODERATION is the silkon string running
through the chain of all the virtues.
WonAv requires no euloey She speaks
for herself
HE who receives a good turn should never
forget it, he who does one should never re-
member it.
He is not poor who hath little, but he that
desireth much lie is rich enough who
wants nothing.
To things which you bear with impatience
you shonld accustom yourself, and by habit
you viii bear them well.
a mans character is frequently treated
ike a grate-blackened all over first, to
come out the brighter afterwards.
/ WISH, said son Of Erin, 4 could
find the place where men don't die, that
may 60 and end nay days there, "
The game of life is very like game
of cards. Time deals, death cuts, and
everybody is waiting for the last trump.
As the quickest way to make fortune
contemporary suggests marrying a fashona-
bic young lady and selling her clothes.
A LADY who held glass of water in her
hand, said ;-"0h, if it were only wicked to
drink this, how nice it would be =
Why is there no future for fowls? Be-
cause they have their necks twirled next
world) in this
WHEN is ben most likely to perform
her duties properly When she is in
earnest lin her nest.
Why are old maids and doubtful PROPOSE
tions alike? Because neither of them Is
parent (apparent) to anybody.
4 wealthy young widow recently adver-
tised as follows: Agent wanted. We say
AnldH to that.
Why do girls kiss each other and men
not? Because girls have nothing better to
kiss, but men have.
THERE is a man in Cincinnati who makes
a living buying horse tails. They are used
in the manufacture of hair cloth.
THE young ladies of Chicago who wear
false calves, excuse the practice by saying
that they are protected against mad-dogs.
A YOUNG MAN who was crossed in love
attempted suicide recently by taking dose
of yeast powder. He Immediately rose above
his troubles.
Miss TUCKER SAYS il is with bachelors as
with old wood; it is easy to get them start
ed, aud when they do take fame they burn
prodigiously.
"How did you get rid Of that trouble
some lover of yours, Carrie? oh, l mar
ried him, and han't been troubled with his
attentions since.
We spend half our lives in making mis-
takes, and waste the poor remainder IN
rejecting how easily We might have avoid
ed them.
BEAUTIFUL was the reply of venerable
man to the question whether he was still
in the land Of the living-"No, but ] am
almost there
NATURAL REsULT-An editor down
South, who had served four days on the
jury, says, ''he so full of the law that it IS
hard TO keep from cheating somebody
BoUxD TO Busr.-A sick man was told
that nothing could cure him but quart Of
catnip tea. Then [ must die, " said he,
Il don't hold but pint
II An astonished, my dear young lady, at
your sentiments; you make me start. -
Well, sir, We been wanting you to start
for the last hour
When man and woman are made one
| by clergyman. the question is which is
the one2 Sometimes there is long struggle
| between them before this matter is finally
settled
THEN AND Now Farmers In l776-
Man at plow, wife at COW, girl at yarn. how
at barn, and all dues settled Farmers in
l867-Man at show, girl at piano, wife in
satin, boy at Latin, and dues unsettled.
A bachelor editor, speaking of a copven-
ton Of old maids to be held in Little Rock,
''to gain a true knowledge of the nature and
attributes OF men, advises them that matri-
| mony Is the shortest and safest road to the
/ knowledge they are in search Of
AN old bachelor in New York offered a
young lady pony for kiss; she gave him
the kiss, but he refused her the nony; she
sued him; he pleaded mo consideration,
the court decided that kiss was a legal
consideration, and made him pony over.
\ MINNESOTA paper tells Of man there
who recently went to the river, stripped
himself cut a hole in the ice, and took
bath. After foundering about for while in
! the water, he sat down on a cake of ice and
/ cut his eorns.
SMALL boy on tip toe to his companions:
! Say, stop your noise, all of you. =" Com
panions--" Hello, Tommy what's the mat
ter? Small boy-"We've got a new baby,
it S VERY weak aud tired, walked all the
way from Heaven last night; mustn't be
klckln up row round here nov"
Two school teachers in Indiana fa1 out
and had fight A great crowd was, of
course, the necessary consequence. A
nervous individual came up in breathless
excitement, and inquired af wag the cause.
| Why, said he, they fell out about spelling
the word bird. One said it was "byrd, F"
aud the other contended that it was ''burd.
! Iris very wonderful to see persons of the
best sense passing away dozen hours to-
| gether IN shutting and dividing 3 pack of
cards, with no other conversation but what
is made up of few game phrases. and no
other ideas but those Of black or red spots
ranged together IN different figures. Would
not man laugh to hear any one of this
species complaining that life is short?
THE late Bishop Meade. of Virginia.
sometimes said witty thing. His Jokes
partook frequently Of the serious, giving
quite as much occasion for tears as mirth.
lie was once lamenting the neglect Of edu-
cation IN the State, aud remarked, with
significant expression: Our girls are
poorly educated, but our boys win never
find it out.
The JOY resulting from the diffusion Of
blessings to all around us in the purest and
subilmest that can ever enter the human
mind; and can be conceived only hy those
who have experienced it. Next 10 the een-
solations of Divine Grace, il il the most in
him who Is the object ofit, and ia him who
exercises it. aad it VIII not only soothe ara
tranquilize troubled spirit, but inspirs
constant flow Of good humor, content. and
gaiety Of heart Bishop Iortcns.
stH AVE any Of Tnhv.s continued stoEiea