Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1868-09-19


The window is dark and the night is cold,
And the story forever told
-.
NEw.-Thanks to the abolition of
crinoline the young women can now
"travel on their shape"
A NEW TABLE.-Brigham Young
has ordered q multiplication table for
his new dining room.
If man loses his voice when eneag-
ed in war of words, does be get hoarse
de combat.
Miss FLUTTER, who teased her father
for waterfall received two dams in
stead.
The REcoMPENsE.-Wh the good
man dies, the tears he in life prevented
from flowing, are shed.
WHAT time should an inn. keeper
visi. an iron foundry When be wants
bar maid.
To escape trouble from noisy chill
dren-send them to your neighbors
visiting.
THE music of cotton-mills is supposed
to be made by the bands that run the
machinery.
A PHYSICIAN told lady that if wo-
men were admitted to Paradise, their
tongues would make hell of it. "If
some doctors practiced there" she said,
"they would soon make it desertw
A BAD HABIr.-A clergyman Of
Springfield who has bad habit of ad-
ding "ah'' to many of his words told
last Sunday, of ''those who have been
brought up on the Lords side-ah ~
AN innkeeper observed a position
with one spur, and inquired the reason.
"What would be the use of the second?'
said the position "if one side of the
horse goes, the other can't stand still. -
A SAILOR, exhorting at a prayer.
meeting in London chapel, said that
on dark rainy nights, while on the sea,
he had often been comforted by that
beautiful passage of Scripture, ga faint
heart never won a fair lady"
THERE was much sound argument iu
the reply of the country lad to an idler
who boasted of his ancient family:
$50 much the worse for you" said
the peasant; Gas We plowmau say. the
older the seed, the worse the crop.'
How TO LIVE LoNG.-An old man,
on being asked how he lived to attain
so great an age, replied:
When 1 could sit 1 never stood;
married late, was soon a widower, and
never married again.
"How hot has it been down your
way to-day, Mr.. Swelter-pretty wei
up, I suppose?'' "Ho Egad, you car
bet your fat on that. How hot-got
up roast in front of my house in JUS
twenty minutes by the clock"
Nor DIFFICULT TO PLEAsE.-"I al
ways sing to please myself said gen
tleman who was humming a tune il
company. "Then you are not at al
difficult to please" said lady who sal
next him.
AN absent wife is thus advertised
for: "Jaue. your absence will ruin all
Think of the children, your parents
your husband. Return, return al
may yet be we'll. At any rate, enclose
the key of the cupboard where the gin
is"
The superintendent of a Sunday
school recently made his annual report,
! in which 'herecommendedtha the adul
members should go to work and do al
in their power to increase the infan
class in his school during the comins
year"
A TEACHER said to a little girl a
school:
"If naughty girl should hurt you
like good girl, you would forgive her
wouldn't you ?"
LOS, ma au, she Iepiieu,
couldn't catch her %
THE GREATER PARr.-A married
woman in Wisconsin says, when hel
husband is little drunk be kicks her
and when he is very drunk she kick,
him. She congratulates herself tha
she does the greater part of the kick
ing.
GLASSES WANTED -"Have you any
sort of a glass n said gentlemen yes
terday to one of our dealers in fruit
@No, sir-don't keep 'em-eyesigh
] very good, sir. May I ask what YOU
want glasses for now ?" responded 'ths
dealer. "Only to see if those speck.
you call peaches are really so."