The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1868-11-19
The Private Habits Of Horace Groeloy,

49, 3 W ~ - tNAk ~ AAAN "
maxims that only early rising can keep the
health unlmpaired and the brain vigorous.
He then wakes up all the household and
assemblies them in the library, by CANDLE
light and, after quoting the beautiful lines:
EARLY to bed and early to rise,
Make a man healthy, wealthy and vice."
he appoints each individuals task for the
day, sets him at il with encouraging words,
and goes back to bed again. l mention
here, in do fault-fnding spirit, but with a
Difference Justly due n man who ~ older
and wiser and worthier than I, that he
snores awfully. In o moment of irritation,
once, 1 was rash enough to say l never
would sleep with him until he broke him
self of this unfortunate habit. L have kept
my word with bigoted and unwavering de-
termination.
AT balf-past II o'clock Mr.. Greeley rises
again. He shaves himself He considers
that there is great virtue and economy in
shaving himself. He does it with n dull
razor, sometimes humming a part Of a
tune, The knows part of n tune, and takes
al innocent delight in regarding it as the
first half of Old Hundred; but parties fa-
miliar with the hymn have felt obliged TO
confess that they could not recognize 1t,
and, therefore, the noise he makes IL doubt
less an unconscious original composition OF
Mr.. Greeley's,) and, sometimes, when the
razor is especially dull, he accompanies
himself with n formula like this: Damn
the damned razor, and the damned out
cast who made It'll. G.
He then goes ont into his model garden,
and npplies his vast store of agricultural
knowledge to the ameliOration OF his cab
bngos; after which he writes al able agri-
cultural article for the instruction Of Amor
lean farmers, his soul choorod the while
with the reflection that if cnbbagos wore
worth eleven dollars apiece his model farm
would pay.
The next goes 10 breakfast, which is n
frugal, abstemious meal with him, nndcon-
sists of nothing but just such things MS the
market affords, nothing more. He drinks
nothing but water-nothing whatever but
water, and coffee, and tea, and Scotch ale,
and lager beer, and lemonade with "a fly in
it-somotimes a house fly and sometimes n
horse fly, according TO the amount Of in
SEPARATION required to warm him mp to his
daily duties. During breakfast he reads
the Tribune all through, and enjoys the
satisfaction Of knowing that all tho brilliant
things in It, written by Young and Cooke,
and Hazard, and myself, arc attributed to
him by n conhding and Internal public.
After breakfast he writes a short edito-
rial, and puts n large dash at tho begin
ming Of il. thus (-), which is the same
~ ii he put IL. G. after it, aud takes II saw
age pleasure in rejecting that mono Of us
understpppers can use that dash, except
IN profane conversation when chatting Oven
the Outrage. He writes this editorial in
his " handwriting. Ho does 1t because
he is 80 vain Of his penmanship. He al
ways did take nm inordinate prido in his
IL. IL. L...l .A.N .a.a. "a, h.a
Young DAYS, az a writing master, but the
enterprise failed. The pupils could not
translate his remarks with any certainty.
His first copy was Virtue is it's own re-.
ward, " and they got it "Washing with soar
is wholly absurd, and so the trustees dis.
charged him tor attempting to convey bad
morals through the medium of worscp pen
manship. BuLos / was saying, he writes his
morning editorial. Then he tries DREAD
IL over, and C. do it, and so sends IL Il
the printers, and they try 10 read It, and
can't do II; and 10 they set it up Mt ran.
dom ns you may say, putting inwhnt word'
they can make out, and when they gel
aground on II long word they put III 'ro,
construction or universal suffrage and
spar of and paddle ahead, aud noXt morn.
ing. if the degraded public can toll what il
is all about, thoy say II. G. wrote it, and
if they can't, they say ii Ia one Of those
imbocile understmppers, and that is the
end OF II.
On Sundays Mr. Greeley sits in a promi
nent pew in Mr.. Chapin's church, and let'
on that he is asleep, and the congregation
regard it as an eccentricity OF genius.
When he Is going to appear IN public
Mr.. Greeley spends two hours on his toilet
He is the most painstaking and Olnbomt,
800. .la..N a,Ntt,,v fN hfg Irauu thuf lynt
in America. This il his chiefest and hil
~ploasantest foible. He puts OF his old
white overcoat and turns up the collar
He puts on u soiled shirt, saved from the
wash, and leaves one end of the collar nm
buttoned. He puts ON his most dilapida
ted hat, turns it wrong side before, cnnts il
on TO the back Of his head, and jams ar
oXtru dent in the side of It, He puts Oh
his most atrocious boots, and spends iiiteeI
minutes t%uckingthe left leg Of his pants in
10 the boot-top in what shall seem the
most careless aud unstudied way. But hii
cravat-it is into the arrangement o.
his cravat that no throws all his
soul, all the powers of his great mind,
After fixing mt it for forty minutes bofoT,
the glass It is ever pertect-it is askev
every wny-it overilows his cOat-collRr OF
one side and sinks into oblivion on tho
othcr-it climbs audit delyes around about
his neck-the knot is conspicuously dis
payed under his left ear, and 1t stretchoi
one Of its long ends straight out
horizontally, and the other goes aftel
his eye, in the good old Toodles fashion
and then, completely and marvelously APP
pareled, Mr.. Greedy strides forth, rolling
like n sailor, a miracle of astounding cos
tumory, the awe and wonder of tho nations
But 1 have not timo TO tell you the res
ofhis private habits. Suffice it that he il
an upright and an honest mana practical
great Drained MANA useful man 10 his ma
ton and his generatlon-a irmous maj
who has justly earned his celebrity--anC
withnl the worst dressed man in this or AN!
other country, even though he docs take =,
laundering much pains and puts ON 81
many frills about it Wilkes Spirit Of III
Times.