The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-07-26
For the New Orleans sunday CrescenLl
A. HEAD AND "PLANCHETTE -

didn't know who Planchette" was until
Mt to the New York Democratic convention.
Have you seen 'Planchette p" asked this one
and that one, and could only show how smart
was intended by my parents to have been, by
saying that had seen the Black Crook " and
the :" White Fawn," and the swans in Central Park
and several ducks" as wasn't in Central Park,
but as for "Planchette," didn't know her at ALL
and it wouldn't do to own it il did for Araminta
gets her dander up and pulls my wig off, aud
scratches my bald head, if | get familiar with
other married women. She ia the best wife
ever had in some respects; in others, she will
bring my gray hairs (wig) with sorrow to
the grave, ! fear. woman woman; if it
hadn't been for you. how happy US mortals
might have been. Eve revolutionized the world
and the world has been on the eve of revolution
every day since. (Joke.)
But "PIanchette 4" | show my ignoramus by
supposipg that "Planchette " was a woman,
Nothing of the kind assure you What was all
this fuss about then / asked for an introduction
and was introduced to piece of thin board,
about the size Of my two hands when spread out,
and shaped exactly like heart, with two little
wheels at the broad part to support it, and a CON.
mon lead pencil running through the board at the
point of the heartl By resting the hand upon
tlis heart shaped board, it moved around easily,
and as il moved the pencil traced mark, and this
was Planchette! " BIT they told me if or 3
persons put their hands on it and set awhile, the
spirits from the other world would come and
write sentence for me. told em hadn't done
anything that required sentence, but | never had
the slightest objection to spirits, provided the
revenue tax had bsen paid onto 'em. Well, they
got mp "crkle " and invited me, and | went.
There was several people there, and one of them
had long hair, and pretended TO be mejum They
sat around the table, put their hands on "Plan.
chette," and soon it began to move. Ii com
menced by saying "Let us have peace.n As this
was entirely new and original, asked who it
come from, and was told that it come from Gen.
Grants spirit. | didn't know that he was dead,
except politically, and didn't s'pose he'd want to
spare any Of his spirit if be was. II then wrote
out, Head, come TO the bower I've shaded for
you ~ Says |, who is it "Artemus Ward"
Said !, "wsrd, my right bower, didn't s'pose
they bad much shade in yure vicinity. What are
you doing now a-days?" Said he, "pm tryin to
fgger up how could give away s25 900 at my
hev but FIVE. A teller never knows what he's
worth till he dies does he ~ SAYS l. "Ward nv
boy folks is apt to overrate themselves and its
mighty oDsartin whatitl cost to bury altman until
the bills come in, and they are apt to come in
thick when that little berryin' business is over
because they know pretty well that they can't
rectify their bills any more than they could rec
tify their whisky, after they're dead" You're
head is level" said Ward, "and if my doctors did
charge three or four times over for hurryu' no
my funeral and other expenses got thick in pro.
portion, and my money went the way of all flesh,
shant come back with a panorama to lecture
about it." SAID :, what color of paint would
you most laDguish for, to illustrate on canvas
back ducks, the location in which you are at
present sojournIng? ?" Said he at once, "Head,
you're sarkastick y " And the supposed spirit
of the great bumorIst left the circle, probably
disguised with all of Us, while roamed over
the dells and the hills, aud walked the
crowded and brilliantly lighted streets, aud visited
banqueting halls where music rose for voluptuous
" swells." sometimes called "gents') and We
INDUCED in goblet of sparkling wine that in-
vigorsted, but did not into icate aud we chatted
gaily of the merry scenes of the days that alas
never will return; and" Hullos. Head, you in a
trance. or what's the matter?'-and awoke to
find poor Ward flown from my side, and | con.
fronting friends, gasights, and " Panchettei"
lnslinctiyely, or somehow, arese. aud extending
my 4-arm, | exclaimed like-FOrrest, Aud is
this R-r-r- have hearu tell Of it when |
was boy "N0, this amt Rome" said the
little ice wster!" And astonshed my stummuk |
with glass Of water. that liquid so little known
and appreciated by my readers, except for bathing
purposes. | then asked d" Plenchette " if Cant |
and GrOlfaX would be elected aud give me an |
office and the darDed thing turned black in the |
face and wrote Not any; no, no, no not for |
Joe; not for Josy, no, no, njsy ~ This con. |
sdered personal and arefiectiOn upon the DrOblsis |
portion Of my frontispiece, and set out TO bust |
" Psnchette " then and there, with malice afore-
thought, or with my fist. But | kept COIL aad |
asked who would be the next president aud the |
Pesky thing wrote out, Congress-" Said /, |
- Who says so ?" and it wrote, " C1NGREss!" / |
determined TO try new tack, and 30. asked: |
g What has the South 10 10 k forward to- and |
what's the matter with her anyhow" And the |
thunderln' thing nearly tipped over writin' the |
answer: CONGRESS" / was nov ripe mad |
with her-not the South, but c." Planchette -
and drew back from the table in disgust and an
arm chair. But "Planchette " has got some
folks up North, anyway. Some families doa't /
set hen without consultn' " Planchette F" 10
know whether the chickens will hatch out loil
In one town, 'Planchette board was seized
and suppressed by order Of Gen. Grant, because
i indorsed Seymour and Blair. But that was right
enough, because Seymour is q " rebel" and ANT
yoin' to be elected if our party hev the countin'
IF the votes But this is peririke and mustn't
ell secrets that belong TO the Grand Army of
he Republic. &c. for the present. will simply
Peacefully yures