Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-01-21
COn1221iG.

Why is Troy weight dishonest? Because 1t
has no scruples.
When is flea like locomotive? When it
goes over the sleeper.
''Sonny dear, you have dirty face Il
can't help it, marin, dad S black republican. y
How were Adam and Eve prevented from
gambling? Their pair O dice was taken away
from them.
A. Head says with Hamlet) they're going
to have ''nipping and niger ian eager air
down South this winter.
"Charlie, was very much shocked to hear
YOU singing Pop goes the Weasel IN church.
ssWell, mamma, [ saw everybody was singing,
and it was the only tune [ knew"
Law, like razor, requires Strong back, y
keenness, and an excellent temper. Many OF
those who once get SHAVED with ease and eX-
petition" seldom risk a second operation.
The Absurd Habit young ladies havenow a.
DAYS of padding the backs OF their heads with
horse-hair, like the sofa-cushions, may be
briefly summed up as " stuff and nonsense.
An impertinent editor in Alabama wants to
know when we s'intend to pay the debt OF ma
ture." We are inclined to think that when
nature gets her dues from him, it will be by
an execution
simple epitaph in St. Paneras Churchyard
IS touchingly commemorative OF the gluttony
of husband and the grief of his widow:
siFlize. sorrowing, rears this marble slab,
To her dear John, who died of eating crab. !"
A Western paper publishes the following no.
tice: tLost or strade from the scribera sheep
all over white-one leg was black and half his
body-all persons shall receive five dollars to
bring him. He was she goat.
Let no gentleman ever quarrel with woman.
IF you are in trouble with her, retreat. If she
abuses you, be silent. IF she tears your cloak
off, give her your coat If she box your ears
bow If she tear your eyes out, feel your way
to the door-but fly.
stHave you been much at sea?
''Why, no, not exactly; but my brother
married commodore's daughter :.
'"Were you ever abroad?'
'"No, not exactly but my mothers maiden
name was French. -
''Nothing can be done we'll that is done in a
hurry" oracularly declared certain pompous
politician in New York, one day lately, on the
steps of the City Hail.
'How about catching heas?" asked wag at
his elbow. The politician was foored
dad, said an incipient legislator to his in
dulgent parent, who had gratifed him with a
visit to the galleries of the Convention, ''say,
do you any row going on. I don't Y' "No,
of course not. Why did you ask?'' "Cause
the man in the big desk says, the eyes have it,
and just now he said the nose has it; SO [
thought there was some fun down there some
where's u
A tall, keen-eyed countryman walked into a
courtroom during the progress of trial. Step
ping up to one Of the rings, he requested that
the prisoners might be pointed out to him.
The lawyer he accosted being wag, pointed
to the jury The stranger surveyed them crit
ically, when turning to his informer, he remark
ed fWell, they are hard-looking set, ain t
they? | know by their looks they ought to go
to the States prison, every one Of them
A man in New Jersey advertises to repair
broken pledges hollow hearts filled on the
premises with competent hands, and marble
halls furnished on the shortest notice; fond
memories taken in exchange Also, heart
strings furnished at short notice, hard hearts
melted down, black hearts regt, brilliant eyes
set, old Roman noses revamped, gray hair curl
ed and dyed, parched lips made ruby, and deep
wrinkles pressed out, all On the most reasona-
BILE terms