Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-05-15
humorous.

No tune, it is said, Is so bard to catch as
fortune. I
ATTRACTIVE Morro Foa THE SHoEBLcK's
Box.-''Bright be the place Of Thy sole
The individual who was accidentally injur
ed by the discharge Of his duty is still very
low.
II is said that the finest entertainment one
can enjoy at feast is to see a bun dance
(abuudanee) on the table.
An AGRICULTURAL CoNUSDEua.-Why
should man never tell his secrets in a corn
feld2 Because it has so many ears.
GoIxG to law is a mighty cold business, for
the very best you can hope for Is just ice, and
often you can't even get tbat
EPIGRAM oN A DRUNKEN LocksNlTu.
Tho poorSmug, the smith, for ale and spice,
Sold all bis tools, be still kept his rice.
''WELL, now, Mr.. Tree, if you're going to
leace, shall detain your trunk, said an in
censed landlord to guest who was in ar
rears.
''NIy dear" said cross grained husband
10 his long suffering wife, do you intend to
make fool of mel' NO my love; nature
has saved me that trouble"
JOKER declared that blind man, by
taking something from the breakfast-table,
recovered his sight; what did he take He
took tea-cup aud saucer (saw sir).
A Man having stepped on cat tail and
made her new piteously, his companion re-
marked that her cry was involuntary, but
the other exclaimed "Oh, no, it was on p1trT-
puss
Why is the letter Il very unfortunate? Be.
cause it is always in trouble, wretcheduess
and misery, is the beginning of riot and ruin,
and is never found in peace, innocence or
love.
There is dispute among some of the old
omnibus proprietors in this city as to who
ran the first bus ia America. We think it
was Queen Isabella, and the name the bus
was Columbus.
0SE evening at a social gathering young
lady played piece of music consisting Of
twenty-four pages. A gentleman, in infer
ring to it next day, said they were favored
with music by the quire.
WHEN man speaks to lamp poss and
| cautions it not to bob round SO, it shows
thst-the post is getting irregular in its habits
and needs looking after.
/ A QUAcK, calling on patient one day,
asked him chow be did, ~ didn't" re-
Piled the sufferer. "Then," responded the
uudauuled doctor, ''It must have been your
brother" and pocketing his fee, calmly left
the house.
A EUROPEAN astronomer predicts that, in
| August next, there will be comet Of such
brilIianey in the heavens aud so near the
earth that we shall have our nights almost as
bright as our days. We're afraid that lumi-
naryEiIl come it to strong.
'IwIsH to pay you for fire cakes, said
traveller to a railroad restaurant keeper.
''But you only had four-a sponge cake, a
cocanut-c cake, an almond-cahe and cur
rant cake land stoma- cake, stomach
ache, added the traveller
! A SHARP grocer, when customer, who was
buying a gallon of mollasses, remarked that
a good deal remained in the measure after it
was turned, explained the fact by saying,
there was Just about the same quantity in
the measure before drew yours, sir.
GREAT applause has been bestowed upon
Rubens because, with one stroke Of his
brush, he turned laughing child to a crying
one, in a painting, but many parent has
turned childs expression from JOY to grief
by a single stroke, without ever getting any
credit for it.
A BLirHE heart makes blooming visage.
True; but It won't do to suppose that every
blooming visage comes from Jolly condition
of the heart. The cause sometimes lies deep
er than that-iu the cellar.
SAM said one little urchin to another,
Sam, does your schooimaster ever give you
any reward of merit?'
| dispose he does, was the reply; he gives
me lickin' every day, and says merit two.
A MAN in Orange county, y. J. was found
one night climbing an overshot wheel in
fulling mill, He was asked what he was do
ing He said he was trying to get up to bed,
but somehow Or other the stairs would not
hold still
! 4 rooR scamp left his wife ia great rage,
declaring that she should never see his face
again until he was rich enough to come in
| carriage. lie kept his word, for in two hours
afterwards he was brought home drunk in a
wheelbarrow.
A FELLOW, on being asked to write a testi-
monial for patent clothes wringer, produc-
ed the following: bought your clothes wiring
er, and am immensely pleased with it.
bought a jag of wood which proved to be
green and unfit to burn. / run the whole
load through your clothes wringer, and I
have used the wood for kindling ever since.
Az Irishman was observed one evening
slicing potato into glass OF hot whisky
toddy.
"wby, what are you about?r inquired
Charley.
ITS punch fm maxim, dear" replied
Pat.
"But what are you siieing that for2''
fTo give it favor
''Whatl potato fayor!
Sure, isn't flavor flavor, whether it, s
lemon or pitaty ??
4 JoHX RASDoLHH is no eud to the
t sayings Of John Randolph, of Roanoke.
, Randolph was in tavern, lying on a sofa
in the paFlor, waiting for stage to come to
4 the door. A dandifed chap stepped into the
j room, with whip in his hand, just come
L from drive, and standing before the mirror
arranged his hair aud collar, quite uncen.
le selous OF the presence Of the gentleman on
a. the sofa. After attitudinizing while he turn.
ID ed to go out, when Mr.. Randolph asked him
at Has the Stage cone?H
re Stage, sirl stagei" said the fop. '.Pv,
y nothing to do with it, sirr'
K e'ohl I beg your pardon said Randolnh.