Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-04-10

into procession when his Eggsieuey, the
! President, is to be serenadei, eff they desire
to keep their placesH
They hey.
Hev the transparencies bin painted With
the proper Inscriptions? ? Did yoo sec one
inscribed 'Sinclair's majority SCOOP Moo
/ HampsheeT' protest agin impeachment g'
They hev, and did =
Then, said Randall, all is readiness
/ The brass bands ! know als ia waitin, Stan
| berry writ the Presidents S peech this MORN
in, and he has it tolerabli well by heart,
and the jolifcashen must 60 orf smooth and
/ pleasant
At this moment the President approach
Ha !" sed he, in one more short hour
! Washington viii be alive with Joy, and the
! country will breathe free Too Hampsheer
| hez spoken. In an hour vi shell hev the
glad intelligence that she hez been troo to
| the constooshen ez | expoHnd it-tkat she
! hez rebuked Sumner, and Stevens, and
| Wade, and sich and sed in thlndcr tones to
| the impi0us Wretches, who bod, in me,
pull down the pillars NV the Government,
stay yer fratricidle hands Tie thot over
powers me. Let's take suthinb
A half hour wuz spent in hnoceut hi
larity. The President showa the thor
oughnis Nv his reconversion to Dimockraey
by takln hizzin strate, with bthin in it,
while Seward betrayed his orih, and his
c0nsekent onreliability, By dinkin some
kind Nv lie wine with no moi body into
1t than wood be in watered eide!
Confusion to Wade ~ eElaimed the
President, holiin up his glass and watchin
the beads rise to the surface with pleased
eye.
Moo Hampsheer sed Se1ard, may
Connecticut carry forard the ork She hez
so gloriously began.
Our odises, sed Randall, long may
we hold en-
Kentucky, sed |, ''allus troo; tho all
other States may desert DiIocracy, Ken
lucky will be faithful among the faithIis
found. Her distilleries attst her stead
tastnes to her party obligashas"
And IN such toasts the 80 minutes wore
away.
A private sekretary entered
"A dispatch from Moo Hanpsheer !''
'Ha u said Randall, seGin it "now
tremble Ablishnism; quake Stevens, for
yoor time IL cum Exat yoo horn, Dim
ocTacy, for the reackshun is h,re I"
The gentle and trustful sekrtary opened
1t, read moment, turned pae, and fell a
taIntln on the floor. Seward danced at it,
and gaspln, this is the end w my life.
lwich be intended for his last words. fell
likewise PROSTATE. The President snatched
1t from Seward hands and tainted across
the rest Nv EN-, and Wells, seein the Pres
ideDt faint, did it becoz the President did,
without readin it. Wells takes physic every
time the President does
snatched The despatch and read it my
self, 60 follows -
~ 10 the fTeSfUeHt.
Its all up I'm a dd duck. Harri-
man is elected by about 1900 The reack-
shen got stuck in a nota w the White
Mountins Pray for US.
SINCLAIR 4"
Utterin stingin cuss atDeaI and Burr,
and them fellers who he'd deceived US unto
a beleef that Moo Hampsheer wuz safe, |
sot about bringin Nv 'em to. The Presi-
dent wuz the longest comm outuv the faint.
Sadly they ariz ono after an0thr, their de
jekshuu contrastin powerfully nth the hi
larity Nv the moment afore.
Ringin bell, Randall sed the clerk
who ansered it, ez folers -
700 may inform the bands aat it wont
be necessary for EN- to longerwaIt. The
men attending the artillery my retire to
the bosums Nv their families and those
waitin to be formed into spontaneous pro-
cesslons may be dismissed Ie President
heZ desided not to be serenadl tO-nite.
just then a baud Wuz heat approachin
-"Ihunder sed Randall "'dare they
play without orders
But we discovered that wuz not the
official band. A percessi0n 'uz soon a pas
sin atore the White Hous headed BY
transparency, unto wich VIZ a ded duck,
with a face wonderfully likehis eggslency' 5
and the band behind wuz pgin ded march
es and sich, with mutieG drums. Four
times these hairless cusses lassed up and
down afore the White Hous
is it not hidyus?' sed tie President.
Served 700 rite, sed. "You wood
take matters in yoor own hnds-yoo wood
attempt the work NV a Stasman with the
qualitcashens Nv a polio court lawyer
Wretched man, sed |, trlS6xin him with
my piercinist gaze OWE wood 700 at
tempt to eat fire, whose mdth is only capa-
ble NV Limburg cheese? With Grant at
the head Of TIE armies, wit did 700 attempt
revolooshen2 When yd attempted to
drive Stanton out, hedn tyo0 sense enuff !
to know that it made dirst ishOo atween /
700 and the Ablishinists frm which they |
Good not escape, and tat yoor death or ]
therein wuz inevitable? DO made it nee (
essary for en- to slay yc and, in trooth, 1
they We made lively c0upnsement, Moo |
| Hampsheer is a fatal p, impeachment /
will toller In sixty day and then a long I
| farewell to all our glory Good mite, yoor /
Eggsl,ency, pleasant dams III to my |
chamber
Aud left the poor IAN weepin great
teers, and bitter ones. sent the follerin
despatch home to the 0ss Roads by tele-
graph. Twuz ruther extensive on the Gov
ernment, but Seward tol me that the tele-
graffin wuz legitimate zpenditure, and to
| yoOse the wires ez muchz / chose.
| To Pogrdm, DeckiR, 3ascon1, HcPetcI
and GdUiH Jr., Trusts.
THESE GREETIN: DEFY beloved, | sa-
loot yoo Not jOyfully ad with liteness Nv
heart, but on the contrarl quite the reverse.
We've bustid Teai, Vi, Eici wich the
way we translate it, meat, "We cum, we
saw, and got squeezed. 1t is my painful
dOoty to inform 700 that loo Hampsheer,
Nv wich we expected bette things, hez gone
lunatic agin, and hez eleGd hater Nv US
uns and Ourn, ez its Chez magistrate In
this crisis | direct tht next Friday
mornin, atween the hoursiv and ] a. m,
be observed as day NV fstin and hoomiH-
alton. | wood hev 700 h4d servises at the
church, but found that he'd brot away in
my valise the only Bible the. Corners, and
it IL therefore impossible. Ez no labor il
ever done at the Corners, amt nessary to
direct 700 to abstain thererom, but 700 viii
give over yoor yoosual ocmpashens ez fol-
lers:
]. No seven-up or poker playin, doorin
that period.
- n = I -