Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-09-30
THE JOSH Billings PAPERS.
AN EssA ON LONG BRANCH.

Long Branch is work of natur, and i
a good job.
It IL summer resort for men, wimrlin
and children, especially the latter. -
Children are az plenty here, and al
sweet az flowers in an outdoor garden.
They play in the sand for work, and gil
their feet wet tor fun.
Their il sum attempt at style here, bu
the prevailing disease ID good sense; yoy
can see this stick out in the way people
take it natral, and eazy, and don't try tt
outstrip each other in wearing clothes
and them exquisit.
| didn't see but one woman here whC
was dressed too ekonomikal, and her dress
was plenty long enough at the bottom but
the front side of her shoulders seemed ttW
lack sumthing.
[ put up at the Continental Hotel, neal
the roof Of the building, from choise.
J kan say that this heuse is kept 6
good deal, without neutralizlng my digni,
ty, for l paid the same price that the rest
Of the boarders did for my vittles.
shall put up here agin, when cum,
if have to straddle the ridge pole.
I never leave a good hotel for better
one learnt this fishing for frogs. If
am where the frogs bite good, that's M
puddle. | hay known folks tew swap g
good horse for poor one, jist for the sake
ov 10 dollars tew boot.
My wife puts up with me at the same
hotel ; it il an old-fashioned way we have
ov doing things.
She always goes tew fashionable resorts
where yung Widders are ennyways plenty
teW put me on my guard, for am one o.
the eazyest critters on record teW be in
posed upon.
She has saved me (by the hare of The
head) more than six times alreddy, from
being split by the Widders.
She is an ornament teW her secks--my
wife IL.
I would like tew see young widder
or emmy other man, git The start ov me
when my wife IL around.
IF jist step out sudden tew get sode1
cocktail tew cool my aching brow, my
wife goes teW the end Of the verandy with
me, and waits for me, and if I go down
onto the beech to astronomiZe Jist little
all alone By moonlite, she stands On the
bluff, ike beacon lite, tew warn me oy
the breakers.
No lnan whoze feet are slippery, and
who hain't been accidentally insured
against recent widders, ought to be allow
ed on the Branch without a wife who
understands her bizz.
The hotels now are phat with folks,
aWl ov whom ackt fust rate, except the
pesky widders, and don't see eunything
so very awful about them, but my wife
duz, and she knows.
The biggest thing they have got here,
for the present, IL the pool ov water in
front ov the hotel. This pool is said bi
good judges tew be 5000 miles long, and
sum places miles thick.
Into this pool, every day at 10 o'clock
the folks all retire, males, females and
widders, promiskuss.
They dress in flannel attire, ov menny
colours, and look az near alike, when they
are IN the pool, az flock ov ducks and
brakes.
The water IN this pool haz stood so long
it haz got salty, and ought tew be changed
and believe they have got bill before
the NJ jersey leglslatur for that purpose
but NJ Jersey folks are shy about trieing
experiments. They are willing tew invest
little sumthing in ded sure thing, bu
I don't think they will ever undertake tc
freshen the pool
The Greeian Crook IL prevailing here
just now amung the yung ladys.
The bend seems tew be sum WHARF
near the small ov their backs, and give!
them a very intelektual look, the same a;
the anshunt greeks had, altho think thei
walk resembles teW much sore footed
goose.