The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-11-06
dIrif an6 Dutttur .


- The "last sensational tight
shoe.
- Is it bad grammar to say "That
air gun ?"
- 1t is much better to sing airs than
to borrow them.
- What did Adam first plant in the
garden of Eden? His foot.
- Want less than you have, and you
have always more than you want.
- The ladies have begun to tipplc
beer i'll New Orleans. Far better for
them to drink tea totally.
- Sugar went up so high lately that
it caused slight increase in the price
of sand.
- Hope is an arch. bright and beau
titul as the rainbow, which spans the
clouded sky.
- Punch says the esprit of the age
is GIN" Not bit oft unless you spell
gin backwards.
- Uncle Sans farm-the only farm
where draining is carried on all the
year round.
- Is there any perceptible improve
ment IN a caterpillar when he turns
over new leaf.
- A surprise wedding is when q
man marries woman he never knew,
and wishes he had never known.
- An old salt, sitting on the wharf
the other day, very soberly remarked
81 began the world with nothing, and l
have held my own ever since."
= "Isn't my s,irt clean ?" quoth
one Bohemian to another. swell, yes,
was the answer, ats clean for brown,
but is awful dirty for VIII te."
- negro after gazing at China
man exclaimed, .sIf de white folks is
as dark as dat out dere, wonder what's
de color obde niggers ?"
"A Miss Gilmore was courted by
man named Hadduck, who told her he
only wanted one more gill to make him
perfect fish.
- In an obituary notice of an old
gentleman, an Ohio paper says: she
was honest and industrious until en-
feebled by disease and age"
- "Are you the mate?" said man
to the Irish cook of vessel. NO. said
he, "blt I'm the man that boils the
mate"
- A conscript on being told that it
was sweet to die for his country, excus-
ed himself on the grounds that he new
er did like sweet things.
81 long for thee" was sung last even-
ing at house up town in such man
ner that everybody hoped it would be
long time before they heard it again.
= Mr.. Swingwell sugar coats his
speech. Says his father was in the
hemp business all the last portion OF
his life. But Swingwell doesn't add
that it was directly under the gallows.
- Kate was talking about love APP
pies, THAT'S strange!" exclaimed har-
ly, her accepted lover. "Why should
love be associated with apples On the
contrary. always thought love went
in pears" Kate smiled approvingly.
A smsll child being asked by her
Sunday School teacher, "WhatSdid the
Israelites do after they had crossed the
Red Sea 2" answered. 81 don't know.
ma'am. but l guess they dried tenn
selves"
1t is stated that a minister OF
Fitchburg, lectured so powerfully, a few
DAYS ago, against the use of tobacco,
that several of his audience Went home
and burned their cigars-holding one
end in their mouths.
One of Robert Halls congregation
took him to task for not preaching more
OIL predestination. Hall replied:
81 see YOU are predestined to be an
ass, and what is more, see that you
are determined to make your calling
and election sure"
- A Paris newspaper contains the
following interesting advertisement
"a father wants to find for his son a
school where he could get healthy and
manly instruction. and where the teach
els do not fill the heads of the boys with
humbug stories about nations which
died nd were buried centuries ago"
Ole Bull was once seeing the sight at
Donnybroke Fair, when he was attract
ted Nv the sound of a very loud violin
in tent. He entered and said to the
PLAYER: MY good friend do you play
by note ~ ''rhe divil a note SIR" "Do
ycu play by ear then ?" "Never an
ear your honor" "How do you play
then ?" "By main strength, DE jabers.
"WeIl. Patrick" asked the doc
tor, show do you feel to day."
"Och, doctor, dear enjoy very poor
health intirely. This rumatics Is very
distressing indade when go to sleep
Law awake all night, and my toes is
swelled as large as goose hens egg,
so when stand up l fall down immedi-
ately.
- A carpenter who was always
demonstrating evil upon himself, was
one day ulon the roof of a five story
dwelling, upon which rain had fallen.
The roof being slippery, he lost his foot
ing and rs he was descending the roof
towards the caves he exclaimed, "Just
as told you !" Catching, however, in
an iron spoi he kicked off his shoes and
regained place of safet. when he thus
delivered himself, 81 know'd it there
Is pair of shoes gone y
- An English PAPER reports that
an itinerant dissenting preacher in
south London recently delivered e
following extraordinary piec OF advice
ms the best means of avoiding tempta-
ton: .'When you see a do coming
down The street, ii you pick up stone
and pretend to throw 1t he'll cut and
run-he1. understand stone ology; just
the same, if you see the devil coming
down the street, drop on your knees,
and he'll cut and run-he IL understand
a-OInov -