The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1868-09-12
From EsPunch."

"OUR DEAR OLD CHURCH or ENGLAND"
Genuine Version)
Our dear old Church of England,
Let's rally round you now,
Though there's not the least occasion
For Kicking up row.
You know you're safe as ever,
And watched with loving eye,
But Dizzy (who's so clever)
Suggests little cry.
So dear old Church of England,
(And none can call you cheap
Well make your name a war-cry,~
For those who'd Office keep.
Declare to win elections,
Old Mother Church so dear,
With these, our crack selections,
Yourself, and Gold, and Beer.
LAST SWEET THINGS IN CHEEK, .
(see AdUsrtisementsl
MAcREADY.-The only Successor othis great
English Actor is Don Chalmers Colona, who
has testimonial from Juarez, the murderer
of Maximilian, and who is therefore good
Judge of the way "kichard the Third" should
be murdered.
SIR JOHN LAwRENcE,-The only Successor TO
this great Governor-General of India is Lord
Mayo Qate Naas), who, being exceedingly
clever in managing Irish Members of Par
lament, must know how to control an En-
pire of two Hundred Millions of Orientals.
PAGANINI.-The only Successor to this great
Fiddler is Mr.. Collins who says that he Is
Paganini Redivivus, and ought to know.
GRATTAN.-The only Successor to this great
Irish patriot is Dennis Rearden, the Auc-
tioneer, who was squashed at the end Of the
Session when trying to bring in bill for the
Repeal of the Union.
SoLoMoN.-The only Successor to this great
Hebrew is Mr.. Tupper, whose proverbs are
considered by himself and friends to be a triae
IN n Ia Monarch a
Israel.
THEODORE HooK.--The only successor to this
great w.t. vocalist, Tory, aud imprOvisatOry, is
the great Vance, Music Hal Singer, patronlzed
by the Heir Apparent to the British Crown.
GLADsToNE.-The only successor to this
Great National Financier is Mr.. Ward Hunt,
who does whatever Mr.. Disraeli tells him to do.
LoNGFELLow.-The only successor to this
Great American Poet is Mr.. Walt Whitman,
who scorns the vulgar trammels of rhyme and
rhythm to which his predecessor is a slave,
and also those of deceney, which ignObly bind
the majority of makind.
SHERIDAN.-The only successors to this
Great Dramatist are Carpenter Scene
Painter, and Cabowner who, with the assist
ance of few explanatory words from drama
tist make plays that run five hundred nights.
TENNYsoN.-T only successor to this
great English Laureate is the gifted author ol
the lyric ("received by millions with enthu-
slaSn J.
'Let us sing fresh gales to the Prince of Wales,
And likewise the Princess,
And pray to Heaven whatever is given,
Their shadows may never be less"
ANOTHER DANTY.-A new relish may shortly
be expected to appear on the breakfast table
According to the PGU Mall Gazette, news has
arrived from the German North Pole Expedi
ton, one item of which reads thus:-"Potted
six 'ice-bears Already Epicures received
this intelligence Open-mouthed. Great uneasi
ness in certain quarters in the Geological
Gardens.
WRoNG, PRIMA FAcIE.-Women who make
up their faces deceive themselves, if they
think that by so doing they are more likely K
tempt men to make up their minds.
THE PREMIER's AssIsTANT.-In the work O
educating his party in Parliament might no
Mr.. Disraeli find right-hand man in the
Usher of the Black Rod I?
MARRIAGES WHICH ARE NOT "MADE IN HEA
VEN."-Lucifer Matches.
A STUMP ORAToR.-A Dentist who talk
about himself.
SPORT FOR BLAcK-LEGs.-The Negro Race.