The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1868-03-28
Budget of Finn.

8u0get OF Finn.
Can the Grad viziers whs have been hanged
from time to time be called pearls at random
= strung?
"Never listen to fattsrers," said mother to her
daughter. "Why, mother, how shall l know
they hatter without listen 2" was the prompt
reply.
Can anything be more simply touching than
the third line of this triplet: y ff5 ffft
Here lieth, wrapt In clay.
The body of William Wray;
have no more to say.
There is the grotesque intentional and the
grotesque unintentional. Among the former We
should rank the epitaph on Mr.: Foote, Of Nor
wich: 't.fst
Here lies one Foote. whose death may thousands
For death hath now one foot within the grave.
And the one on Mr.. Box:
Here lies Box within another;
The one of wood was very COED
We cannot say so much of tother.
The following must have been fattsring TO
the bereaved widower:
Here lies the body of Mary Ford,
Whose soul we trust is with the Lord
But II tor hell she's changed this life,
us better than being john Fords wife.
W. "oHucE WHeUHeT tn0 Olu DacuclOE GULL
Inemorated in the next would have endorsed the
ePitaph provided for him: E
At three score winters end died,
A cherries being, lone and sadi
The nuptial knot never tied.
And wished my father never had.
Grammar is postponed in the next to high
poetical and moral considerations:
She's gone and not come to we,
But We shall shortly go to she.
The following would be set down as Irish, but
we believe may claim Saxon origin: ..r#
All cruel death, WHY so unkind,
To take her and leave me behndy
Better to have taken both, or neither,
1t would have been more kind to the survivor!
But of the following there can DO no mistake:
Under this stone lie two babies dear
One is buried In Connaught and the other here.
The monument-it is needful to say lis in
ireland, in Athlone church yard.
The following is on lady, possibly Of those
loquacious tendencies too often. attributed to
her sex
Here rests in silent clay,
Mis- Arabella Young,
Who on the 2lst of MAY.
Began to hold her tongue.
Artemus Ward said that the man who wrote
II am saddest when | sing" was a fool to sing
much.
canadian editOr attacked by a rufhan on q
bridge, threw him into the river ard made an
item Of him.
a long race--.he human. A race that never
was run-the Yankee race. A race not worth
runnng-the Niger race. A race that is id
"A mill race. A race that ought TO be DID,
a horse race.
The new play at the Park Theatre, Brooklyn,
is very exciting, because in the last act man is
hung by the neck TO gbbet. OF course the
gallery ganns applaud, and the thing is done
over again.
Lecturing at Youghal the other day, Mr.. G.
F. Train said: DO you know what did with
Grant? Laughter l launched one epigram
at him, and, politically, he died the death. We
want statesmen-real men with steam in them"
A voice: Like Train"
A certain barrster, cross-examining witness
in Dublin somewhat rudely, asked him if he had
never been before police court Yes said
he, Il was fined for assault. 4 barrister so an.
moved me on cross-examination that l knocked
him down when he came out Of court
Gen- olfe once appeared in the mess-room Of
some of his officers just in time to overhear q
young subaltern remark that a certain occa-
sion he had taken bottle Of wine with Wolfe
Ae instantly reprmanded the youngster by ask.
lug him somewhat sharply "Do you not think
that it would have been quite as becoming in
you TO have said Gen. Wofe,' sir z" mot at
all. sir" the quck-witted reply; who ever
heard of Gen. Achilles, or of Gen Julius Cesar"
The General was pleased with the implied COM
pliment in spite of himself, and the result was q
hearty laugh all round and fresh invitation
extended 10 the pert young officer to dine with
the General on the following day. .t.rEF