The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1868-05-29

stumick under EN- on wich to build.
Chase hez no Conscience, Trumbull
and Fessenden no gastric joose. Sich
men alluz conspire and alluz fail
Still, I'm glad the things occurred
'Ef it amounts to nothin, why
glad p '-....-i --!
'Becoz, it lets johnson and me out.
When Arnold went back on his coun-
trymen his cOuntrymen forgot Joodis
lskariOt when Aaron Burr ariz, they
to- wunst forgot Arnold; Pierce drove
Burr out NV the public mind, Boo
kanan made EN- forget Pierce, john
son made EN- forget Bookannon, and
now Chase and Trumbull will make
EN- forget johnson and me 'rhat's
what wuz drivin at. Uuder theI
storm | shell leeve for my quiet Wis
consin home and live in peece, for
beside these latter cusses / shell Icon
up into comparative respecIability
Good mite. Ali is we'll
AT late hour / retired to my vir-
chus couch, and fallin into the deep
sleep wich only visits the pillers NV
them whose conshences aint bothered
much, NV whom | am wich ez my
Conscience sheds convickshen NV
wrath to come ez duck does spring
ram, dreemed most curis dreem.
|. Melhawt the Presidenshel course
wuz reely and trOOly a race course,
and the candidates he'd to run that
course, the winner NV the race 10 be
glOriiied. At one end NV the track
wuz weighin stand and at the other
the winners post, which wuz the
White House. The runners wuz to
carry the candidates for Vice Presi-
dent and sich other weights ez their
hackers shood put onto EN-.
The Republicans he'd Grant on the
ground promptly and ready for the
race. He come up splendid. He
wuzn't so mighty immense, but he
wuz clean limbed, decently developt
all over and showed first-rate IN the
back and loins. His trainers pulled
oil his shoulders few little dead
weights wich some NV his injoodishus
hackers he'd chuckt onto him, sposin
he Good carry everything. Colfax
vaulted onto his shoulders and he
wuz ready.
Our people he'd some difficulty in
selectin q man to run agin him. Pen
dleton wuz trOtted out, but Belmont
pernounced him unfit; Mcclellan
nsxt, but Voorhees, objected. Finally
Chase wuz selected to run the appint-
ed race, and he wuz brOt to the weigh
in stand To the naked eye we wuz
a splendid specimen, and he come up
Ito the stand so gallant that notwith-
standin he carried In his hand sill
yer pitcher wich the niggers NV Gin
cinnati give him for defendin fusi-
tive from Kentucky, our people
cheered him vociferous. Tall, stong
land muskler-lookin, in good flesh,
deep chested, broad shouldered,
lstrOng baokt, he wuz ez perfect 8
Specimen ez | ever beheld, and all
felt confident that he wood hev nc
trouble in beatin his opponent eul
NV site- He come up to the stand
gorgeous, accompanied by Trumbull,
Fessenden, Grimes, Johnson, and
sich, who he'd him in tow. .-.-. s
| AT this pint Vallandygum, Peerse,
Voorhees,, Morrissey and Wood, who
he'd charge NV our arrangements,
took him in hand. we must pre-
pare our man. sed they.
i Take orf this Ablishn coat sed
Voorhees,.
'And this imparshel suffrage vest,
sed Morrissey, the niger hezn't the
moral qualificashens for the ballot
4 'And this free soil Shirt sed Wood.
i 'And that anti-fugitive slave law
wig sed Voorhees,.
II And them ekal justis shoulder.
braces sed Peerse.
And them humanitarian pants,
Ishreeked Wood.
.We can't abide none Nv these
things yelled tue crowd. Peel
All Nv these yOo got from the Ablish-
tnists, free sOilers and Republicans.
We'll nanA nH.e---'
The silver pitcher he carried in his
hand they trampled into the mud,
and one by one the obnoxious gar
ments puz Ppullsd Off from him.
Heavens! wat change Ez they
xuz removed he shrpnk. When the
coat wuz taken oil he wuzn't SO broad
and massive; when the vest wuz gone
he wuz positively flat chested when
the shoulder braces wuz removed he
became hump. backed and when the
pants Wuz snaked off he stood aiore
US the merest skeletOa | ever beheld
Ia weak, shaky, wheezin skeleton.
IOur folks looked disappointed, but
1T wuz too late to change. A loose
two sided wrapper wuz thrown over
him, Gov. English climbed onto his
shoulders, Vallandygum jumped into
one pocket and Fernandy Wood into
the other, the brass band footed, the
crowd yalied, he made one convulsiv
start, but in vain. The stiffnin wux
all.out NV him. His poor, week knees
gave way, his hack doubled up and
he came to the ground, every bone in
him rattlin ez he fell. while Grant
made the race serenely.
4 My Cod sed Morrissey, lookin at
the poor wreck, what he got from the
Ablishnists wuz all ther wuz nv him.
after all =
| Atithis pint l awOke and wuz sad
dened. There's whera our trouble
lies. We hey to strip these fellows
when they come to us NV all that gives
em any strength. Chase without his
Ablishnism can't get a Ablishen vote,
and the Democracy will vote for their
own men in preference. Names amt
worth d-n any more, and men
without principles aint NV the slitest
account. And that's what's the mat
ter with Democracy.
PETROLEUM V. Massey, p. NJ,
| Wich isPOstmaster. \