The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-04-10
Sait aud Nuntov.

- Great takers are like broken
pitehers--everything runs out OF them.
- What is the difference between
hungry child and an afternoon .shad-
ow' One longs, the other lengthens.
On child being told nc must be
broken of bad habit, he replied. Spa.
pa, hadn't | better be mendedpo
- Why do girls kiss each other and
men notl Because girls have nothing
better to kiss and men have.
w Josh Billings says he believes in
the final salvation of men but he wants
the privilege of picking The men.
- AniIrishman remarked of lady
who had been very kind to him. "Re-
dad she's perfect gintleman."
$780, When is a padlock like bab-
oon's tail When it is among keys "a
monkey's.) 2f4tfEl@f
49, Vegetation is so scarce at Cape
Cod that two mullen stalks and huck-
liberty bush are callsda grove. ESQ
- Said an Irish justice to an OBJ
streperous prisoner on trial awe
want nothing from you but silence, and
d--n little of that -
- Menare like bugles-the more
brass they contain the more noise they
make and the further you can hear
them.
MA, whereabouts is the State of
matrimony 2" "You will find 1t in one
of the United States," was the an
swer. s5r-t 5f7.,l e l-rr
=" An editor received letter In
which weather was spelled "wether. .
He said it was the worst spell of wealth.
er lie had ever seen.
- Two thin shoes make one cold !:
two colds one attack of bronchitis :.
two attacks of bronchitis one mahoga-
ny coffin.
- A House painter recently grain
ed door so exactly In imitation of oak
grew an excellent crop of acorns.
A merchant not conversant with
geography on hearing one of his vessels
was in jeopardy, exclaimed !: 'Jeop-
ardy. Jeopardy, where in the world is
thatp ''
a Western paper says that the
Cheyenne Indians have only killed 3
men since signing the late treaty, and
that was only totry the new guns pre-
sented to them by the co nmissioners.
49, The six-year old son of the Ma
chias represen recently visited the
insane asylum at Augusta and told his
inquiring father on his return that they
were making speeches just like the
legislature.
Josh Billings defines "thurrer
Dizziness man :"
"One that knows enuff about stealth,
so't kant ennybody steel from i'm and
enough about law SO he can do his steal
ing legally"
- When witty English govern
ment defaulter after his recall, was ask
ed on his arrival home If he left India
on account of his i'll health, replied,
Eyes they say there is something
wrong in the chest"
- An old lady once said, that her
idea of a great man was IA man who
was keerfiil of his clothes, didn't drink |
spirits. kin read the bible without spell |
ling his words, and can eat cold din |
ner on wash day to save the wimmin |
folks the trouble of cooking"
- An Irishman being in church
where the collection apparatus resem-
bled an election box, on Its being pas
sed to him whispered in the carriers
ear that he was not Laturalized, and
could not vote but he was ready to
make a speech.
- An apprentice sailor boy fell
from the ''round top" to the deck, stun
ned but little.nurt, the Captain exclaim
ed in surprise "Why where did you
come from ," "Efom the North of Ire
land your honor" was the prompt reply
as the little fellow gathered himself
up
"Mrs Brown they say your hus-
band follows very crooked ways"
well, Mrs Smith, that is not strange,
for when he was boy he got so much
II the habit of chasing snakes that he
never could get over it.''
"John ?" said stingy old cur
nudgeon to his hired man as he was
taking dinner, lido you know how ma
ny pancakes you have eaten ?"
"Well, you have eaten fourteen" -
swell" said John, ''you count and
I'll eat"
-" Jack did you ever go to sea p''
81 guess | did; last year. for instance,
went to see red-headed girl, but / !
My went there once"
ssWhy so ?'' !
"Because hcr brother had an unpleas- G
mt way of throwing boet-jacks and $
moothing irons at people,"
"A gentleman lately compliment
d u lady OH her improved appearance. T.
You are guilty of fiattery," said the
ldy. ''Not so, replied he, ssior vow :
ou are plump as partridge" cat n
ust said "the lady, thought You gull
Y OF. flattery but you are now actually q
making game of me-" e
- The following is said to have g
een the direction on letter left at $
he Fort Wayne Post Office. !,
POSTMASTER. bleast to send him strait
Bensilvany Is der Staight
Oft Venango, is dar COUNTY, =
We're oil bours out NIT heavens poun- 7
7.
Franklin she's der county seat. n
Der Bost Office on Liberdy Sthreet: "
Sharly Taylor he's der man;
Send der yus so quick you can.
- paper in the interior of Ala
anna puts the following interogatives =
} Jackobin editor in that section H
Were you in the federal service du- N
Ne late war
When you came out of the peniten- :
airy to Join the service, had you serv- II
your time out?
Was the regiment you entered the M
ne out of which you were drummed A
Did you steal horse -
Howmany n
Are you a good boot Ticker, for loaves y
nd fishes, &c.? a
Are You not ashamed of yourself. :
,nerally, when in the presence Of /
intlemen? =
Don't you feel mean2 y