Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1868-01-29
1 :u,Ogy of Woman by MARK Twain.

At a dinner given by the Correspond
ents' Club at Washington, on Saturday night,
Mark Twain was called upon to respond
to the usual toast to Woman" which he
did in the following characteristic style;
Mr.. President, l do not know why 1
should have been singled out to receive the
greatest distinction OF the evening-for so
the office Of replying to the toast to
woman has been regarded in every age.
TApplause.l l not know why have re-
ceived this distinction, unless it be that
am a trihe less homely than the other
members of the club. But be this as il
may, Mr.. President, am proud of the
position, and you could not have chosen
any one who would have accepted it more
gladly, OF labored with heartier goodwill
to do the subject justice, than l. Because,
sir, l love the sex. Laughter [ love
all the women, sir, irrespective of age or
color. [Laughter.l
" Human Intelligence cannot estimate
what we owe to woman, sir. She sews on
our buttons [aughterl, she mends our
clothes [lauglterl, she ropes us in at the
hlrch fairs-she confdes in US; she tells
Us whatever she can find out about the lit
tie private afflirs of the neighbors she
give US good advice-and plenty of it
she gives US piece of her mind sometimes
and sometimes all of it she soothes our
aching brows; she bears our children
ours as general thing. In all the rela-
tons of life, sir, it is but just and grace
full tribute to woman to say of her that she
is brick. [Great laughter
Wheresoever you place woman, SIR
in whatever position or estate-she is an
ornament to the place she occupies, and 4
treasure to the world. Here Mr.. Twain
paused, looked inquringly at his hearers,and
in at this point. 1t came in. Mr.. Twain
resumed his eulogy.l Look at the noble
names of history! Look at Cleopatra
look at Desdemoua look at Florence
Nightingale. look at Joan of Arc look
at Lucretia Borgia! TDisapprobation ex-
pressed. WE'LL said Mr.. Twain, scratch
ing his head doubtfully, suppose we let
Lucretia slide.l Look at Joyce Heth
look at Mother Eve TCries of OH
Oh n You need not look at her unless
you want to, but (said Mr.. Twain reflect
lively, after pause, Eve was ornamental
sir; particularly before the fashions
changed | repeat, sir, look at the illus
trious names of history. Look at the
Widow Maehree! look at Lucy Stone
look at Elizabeth Cady Stanton look at
George Francis Train [Great laughter.l
And, sir, say 1t with bowed head and
deepest veneration, look at the mother of
Washington she raised boy that could
not lie-could not lie. TApplause. But
he never had any chance [Oh. Oh.l 1t
might have been different with him if he
had belonged to newspaper correspondents
club. Laughter, groans, Kisses, +" cries of
put him out" Mark looked around upon
his excited audience and resumed
"a repeat, sir, that in whatever position
you place woman she is an ornament to
society and a treasure to the world As
sweetheart she has few equals and no su-
periors laughter as a cousin she is con-
wealthy grandmother, with
an incurable distemper, she is precious-as
a wet nurse she has no equal among men 4,
I Laughter
What, sir, would the peoples of the
earth be without woman
They would be scarce, sir-almighty
scarce. Then let us cherish her-let us
protect her-let rs give her our support,
our encouragement. our sympathy.our-
selves, if we get chance TLaughter.l
But. jesting aside, Mr.. President, wo-
man is lovable, gracious, kind of heart.
beautiful-worthy of all respect, of all
esteem, of all Difference. Not any here
will refuse to drink her health right cor
daily in this bumper Of wine. for each and
every one of us has personally known, and
loved and honored the very best one Of
an-his own mother J" EApplause.l