Middletown transcript., 1868-01-25
0ait and Aum,,or. !.

when the opposing counsel subjected him
to the following cross-examination:- - 81
Did you treat the patient according to
the most approved rules of surgeryr" ask
ed the counsel. 7-f f, aast-
"By all MEANS" replied the witness.
=" Certainly / did," r aas -erstsf
| g Did you decapitate him /" as5v ~fs
| j" Undoubtedly did. That was mat
ter of course.n 4s .a 4att a
| /" Did you perform the Cesarean oper-
alton upon him p a 80 n n
| "Why, of course. His condition re-
quired it. And it was attended with very
great success" ..e'u ~.
1 "Did you then subject his person to
| ''Certainly. That was the very last
remedy i adopted 4pah ~s : bps 4
! "Well, then, doctor" pursued the coun-
sci ironically, "as you first cut off the de-
fendant's head, then dissected him, and he
still survives it, have no more to ask !;
and If your claim survives it, quackery
deserves to be immortal" re- IN 5,5g'is
| The e doctor" lost his case. Ira
Some years ago gentleman died. His
widow inherited his property and collected
the insurance on his life, and very soon
enlarged, repaired, and fitted up her resi-
dence in quite luxurious style. A friend
calling, expressed some little surprise that
she had made these nice arrangements so
soon after the deceasc of Mr.
"Why shouldn't I do it?" replied the
practical relict, "My husband, good
man that he was, is enjoying glorious
mansion in the skies, and of course he
wishes me to be as comfortable as possible
here on earth" Who says that woman's
faith was not shown by her works?
| A witness in late divorce suit kept
saying that the wife had very retaJtatiMg
disposition-that she g retaliated for every
little thing" yfa11sa eE'fea4 ~ ~
''Did you ever see her husband kiss
her ?" asked the wifes counsel. t7i3 3yfl
| Yes, Sir, often. lud 5i4 gW z H71g1- ~
Well, what did she do on such oeca-
sions? sr ia'.. 'adi e1s'- fla ,ssur-
She always retaliated, sir. af III
| (Great laughter, and the wife trium-
phant.)
A tall, keen-eyed countryman walked
into the court room during the progress of
a trial. Stepping up to one of the ring,
he requested that the prisoners might
be pointed out to him. The lawyer he ac-
costed being somewhat Of wag, pointed
to the jury. The stranger surveyed them
critically, when turning to his informer he
remarked ::b'' Well, they are a hard look
ing set, amt they l know by their looks
they ought to 60 to the States Prison,
every one of them |" ""Fe'>
| A youth was lately leaving his aunt's
house after visit, when finding it was
beginning to rain, he caught up an UNI
brella that was snugly placed in corner,
and was proceeding to open it, when the
old lady, who, for the first time observed
his movements, sprang toward him, ex-
claiming: /" No, no; that you never shall.
I've had that umbrella twenty three years
and it has never been wet yet, and I'm
sure it shan't be wctted now" b-t
| A barrister entered the hall with his
wig very much awry, of which he was not
at all appriscd, but was obliged to endure
from almost every observer some remark
on its appearance, till at last, addressing
himself to Mr. Curran. he asked him,
f. Do you see anything ridiculous in this
wig 7" " Nothing but the head" was the
answer. ~"
| ZooLoaY,z-Brown had been in love with
a young lady, and asked permission to call
her, by the name of some animal, which
request was granted on condition that she
should have the same privilege. On leav-
ing, Brown said, q Good night, dear. Y
T" Good night, bore" she said, !..t4a
! THE ONE THING WANrIxG.-In small
party, the subject turning on matrimony a
lady said to her sister wonder my dear,
4 you have never made match; l,think
you want the birthstone; she replied; "No
not the birthstone, only the spark"
i "Well, neighbor, what is the Christian
news this morning?" said gentleman to
his friend. " Ihave just bought barrel
of -four for poor woman" Just like
4 you. Who is it that you have made happy
by your charity this time? my wife"
! Two little girls were disputing about
the property and position of their respect
| i've families. Z" My father keeps horse y
said one. .'l' /" My father keeps horse and
saw p, said the other. tt .i.. a,
~ When a Young gentleman in Canada
wishes to pay attention to young lady, II
it be winter, he undertakes to kill her with
kindness4-by taking her out and sleighiag
her. s5.s3,i sac as,llls ant d i'l
| "This tough steak makes mo think Of
a famous old English poet" That's queer.
What poet does it make you think off
:. Chau-cer. ~ AT Hi itaS 5aifaN -as ,>a-a
+ 81 wonder what causes my eyes to be
SO weak 7" said fop to gentleman. -
'' They are in weak place." replied the
4 latter. .ito7a'f6s afs 81 {@ rss 5-ngfua
!, If you cannot inspire woman with love
of you, fill her above the brim with love Of
herself; all that runs over will be yours.
l. In Ireland there are men of Cork in
fScotland men Of Ayr; but on tho Thames