The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1868-12-05
THE SPOELS.
viii, some Remarks Touching
the BEST Method Oh Oei'i"s
Your Share.
AN INTERESTING CHAPTER FOR OFFICE
SEEKERS.

AN INTERESTING CHAPTER FOR OFFICE
SEEKERS.
A gentleman who seems to know the
WAYS of the Washington world, gives
through the Hartford Evening Post
(RadicaD. the following advice for office
seekers He says, in the first place
bring letters People will tell you that
letters are useless, sut in fact they are of
vital importance. Short letters have no
effect whatever They show two facts
reprehensible in an office holder, few
friends and little diligence. presume
that | am stating no new fact when | tell
YOU that Offices are disposed of accord
ing to the length Of the applicants petit
t;on When Mr.. Welles was appointed
Secretary of the Navy he brought
windlass with him-a capstan brake--and
set it up in the Presidents private office.
His gallant tars, to the steady cry of ~ o
heave 20 - wound up the petition by
main strength one end of which was
passed over a roller on the dome of the
/ Capitol The venerable applicant, speak
ne-trumpet in hand, shouted every name
as it was called off directly into Mr.. Lin
coins can he crew at the capstan reply
ING TO each name, 'Yo, yo = and, after
~ery third mare, singing in chorus,
leave heaye 70 heave ho y The
feet - w seel Il sci, g ssr
Iappointed the Secretary, he said
4e'Mr. Welles, some people say that you
We're Mr.. uamlin's selection. No. sir
it was sol 81 the size of your petition
which Recommended you. Had it given
out on the third day the navy would have
had different head -
/ The next lesson you must learn Is con
/ fidence General Grant likes a gentle
surprise. aud he will have nothing to do
with a man that flinches If you could
scale the roof of his house, drop down
in his bed chamber by trap, and entan-
/ Gle your petition around his legs, there
would be no way OF his escape and he
would capitulate on the spot You have
heard how Martin Van Buren, was
brought to terms by the gentleman who
wanted to be collector Of the port Of
/ Perth Amboy? Unable to get an inter
view with the President, he followed him
to church, aud as Martin knelt at prayer
time he found his prayer book gently
but firmly slipped from his hands, aud
the petition OF the Perth Amboy substi-
uted He dared not cry out; he could
not demonstrate. He simply turned to
the New Testament lying by and point
. ed to the passage:
THY faith hath made thee whole
arise and walk -
Presidents like to forget their friends.
Just government OF the people by the
people, and for the people. will permit
no ingratitude of this sort. "Go for
the President Wrestle with him like
Jacob that i a Scriptural precedent.
Rush in, If needs be before his taniily
Catch him at dinner! Fast find. fast
bind-a proyerb never lost on 4 thrifty
mind.
LESSONS FOR OFFICE GETTING.
In the next place have friends Wash
F ington friends, of course. Gather them
together, drill them, teach them the Iro
quois tactics to creep to the President by
stealth, scalp him before he can wink
I let fly an arrow to Craze his ear. Show
tJ}eer # 81 a' rs c5ffsseeF@Rt2ed
in your friends just the contrary. You
require friends OF adamantine courage
who hold modesty to be an efFemiuatc
feebleuess.
If you are soldier, the getting of an
Office is essential to your honor and vim
dication. The war has been in vain If
you are not recompeused. Because you
arc not mutilated, matters but little. II
was accident that some were wounded
and accident that you were not.
:. THE KIND OF OFFICES TO BE GIVEN
AWAY
There are fifty thousand Offices to be
given our, valued at thirty millions OF
dollars, SO it will be impossible for Gen.
Grant to ill them all unless his friends
help him.
Take the State Department If you
like you can be Territorial Governor.
Nothing easier The Governor gets
from $500 to $500, but his secretarq
receives trifie more. Are you lawyer?
Well, there are three comnssionerships
to revise the United States statutes,
worth $4,000 apiece. You can be con
sular clerk, any one of dozen, at $1,000
and go abroad. There are seven mar
shals to consular courts at 81 500 apiece
seventy one consulates and minister
ships. How would you like one of these?
Say you occupy the Spanish mission at
Sl2,O60i Then, it you have weak
back, from too much exertion in getting
the place, Spanish flies will be cheap aud
plasters powerful. Lisbon is worth 81
500, and you might see an earthquake
for nothing, France climbs to the daz-
cling figure of Sl7 800, and if you are
drinking man there Is plenty Of Bour-
bon III Paris since the virtuous Queen OF
Spain, legitimately annointed with the
best oliyEoil, arrived there with Ter las
comfort, SAlarfori. lie sticketh closer
1sblan brother. They are to open sa-
Soon there she will supply the Bourbon
and -ha the laleh - arr, pin s,lway -aos.
a he table. Give Us call
- Prussia is worth ST. 900 also, and you
can 20 tfthe OfPheum-pronounce Or
Fame-there the Prussian demi monde
dances. The price Of admission is only
one thaler, or seventy-cents, SO that out
of your salary you could go sixteen
thousand times year l don't know
how this could be done, as there are
only 300 night. Il year, but | think
could fix it by going six times of a
night. The Orpheum is naughty
; place Poor Mr.. Norman j udd used tt
20 there when he was Minister. There
was member of his family who was
grieved to see the young Americans
wasting their money and time on such
frivolou. places. One day, out of hei