The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1868-10-08
Eulogy on Woman.
ny kApE TWAIN


BY MARK TWAIN.
At the dinner given by the correspon-
dents Club at Washington, recently,
MARX Twain" was called on to respond
to the usual toast to "Woman' which
he did in the following characteristic
style:
Mr.. President: do not know why I
should have been singled out to receive
the greatest distinction Of the evening
for SO the Office Of replying to the toast
to woman has been regarded In every
age. (Applause.) lido not know why
I have received this distinction, unless
it be that am trifie less homely than
other members of the club. But be this
as it may, Mr.. President, am proud of
the position, and you could not have
chosen any one who would have accept
ed 1t more gladly, or labored with a
heartier goodwill to do the subject
justice, than I. Because, sir, 1 love the
sey. Laughter.) Hove all the women,
sir, irrespective Of age or color. laugh
ter.)
Human intelligence cannot estimate
what we owe to woman, sir. She sews
on our buttons Qaughter); she mends
our clothes Qaughter); she ropes US in
at the church-fairs; she confides in us;
tells us whatever she can find out about
the little private affairs of the neigh
bors; she gives us good advice--and
plenty of it; she gives us a piece of her
mind sometimes-and sometimes ell CT
it; she soothes our aching brows. In
all the relations of life, sir, it Is but Just,
and graceful tribute TO woman, to say
of her that she is brick. (Great laugh
ter.) :..
Wheresoever you place woman, sir--in
whatever position or estate-she is all
orname ent to the place she occupies,
and treasure to the world. CHere Mr.
Twain paused, looked inquiringly at
his hearers, and remarked that the ap-
plause should come in at this point. 1t
came in. Mr.. Twain resumed his eulo-
gy.) Look at the noble names of
history! Look at Cleopatra! look at
Desdemona! look at Florence Nightin-
gale: look at Joan af Arc! look at Lu-
cretia Borgia! (Disapprobation express
ed. "Well," said Mr.. Twain, scratch
ing his head doubtfully, ''suppose we
let Lucretia slide.") Look at Joyce
Heth! look at mother Eve! (Cries of
"Oh! oh!') You need not look at her
unless you want to, but (said Mr.. Twain
refiectively, after Il pausc), Eve was or
namental, sir; particularly before the
fashions changed! Irepeat, sir, look at
the illustrious names of history. Look
at the Widow Machree! look at Lucy
Stone! look at Elizabeth Cady Stanton!
look at George Francis Train! (Great
And, sir, I say it with
bowed head and deepest veneration,
look at the mother of Washington
she raised a boy that could not lie
could not lie. (Applause.) But he
never had any chance. ooh! oh!'D It
might have been different with him If
he had belonged to newspaper corres-
pondent's club. daughter, groans,
Misses, cries Of "put him out" Mark
looked around placidly upon his excited
audience, and resumed)
! repeat, sir, that in whatsoever po-
sition you place a woman, she Is an or
nament to society and a treasure to the
world. AS q sweetheart she has few
equals and no superiors Qaughter); as a
cousin she is convenient; as a wealthy
grandmother, with an incurable distem-
per, she is precious; as wet nurse she
has no equal among men. Laugh
ter.)
What, sir, would the people of the
earth be without woman? They
would be scarce, sir-almighty scarce
Then let us cherish-let ns protect her.
Let us give her our support, our encour-
agement, our sympathy-ourselves if
we get chance. Laughter.]
But, jesting aside, Mr.. President, wo-
man is lovable, gracious, kind of heart,
beautiful worthy of all respect, of all
esteem, ofall Difference. Not any here
will refuse to drink her health right
cordially in this bumper of wine, for
each and every enc of us has personally
known, and loved, and honored, the
very best one of them all-his own
mother. [Applause.l
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New York Millionaires.
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