The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-04-24
.dBrit ana ''D,ttttur .

"A grinding tax-mill tax.
- A public square-a street fight.
- Cold ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS trl-
angles.
-Weapons.ofthe world--the earth's
axis.
- A blaok-balled Individual
baldheaded negro.
What fewer most resembles
BULBS MOUTH A cOwslip.
"A man may be called hard up
when supported by stone post.
II Does it make a man look intel
lectual to be IN frame of mind?
- Water reddens the rose, whiskey
the nose, and ia ok Frost the toes.
- young lady gives her reason
for raising a parasol in these words,
81 raise my parasol to parry Soils
rays"
- Mrs Darlington has come to the
conclusion that there is no use trying
to catch soft water when it rains so
hard.
- The young Lady who was frozen
with horror and was subsequently melt
ed into tears, was carried out and con-
i&ned TO watery grave.
lyn so refined in her language that she
never uses the word "blackguard,"
but substitutes "African sentinel"
Mr.. Jones called upon the gen.
tleman who advertised to restore oil
paintings, and requested him to restore
. valuable landscape which he had sto-
len from him some time ago.
A glass of soda-water was off
la1 -ha tod
with the greatest Indignation. "Do
you think [ am salamander to drink
water boiling hot"
"What is your occupation, sir?"
asked lawyer OF witness.
"Miller."
..What sort of mill do you run?"
IA gin MILL" was the sreply.
The lawyer was satisfied. a
Two rough sailors with pipes
in their mouths and thicket of hair
all over their faces meet and ,ne COM
plains to the other. 81 tell yer what
Bill, don't like these mustachers.-
They do mop up such lot of groe."
A friend Of ours, looking over
the lists of deaths, recently, seeing
the name of one of his cousins among
them consoled himselfwith the remark,
"Well, if a fellow has cousins be must
expect them to die"
A Scotchman went to lawyer
once for advice, and detailed the cir
cumstances of the case. "Have you de-
tailed the facts just as they occurred"
said the lawyer. cay" was the re-
ply, 81 thoot we wad put the lies into
A young lady was told by a mar
rel woman that she had better precip-
itate herself off the Niagara falls into
the basin beneath than marry. The
Young lady replied I: 81 would il |
thought | could find a husband at the
bottom"
AS the ostrich uses both legs and
wings when the Arabian courser
bounds in his rear as the winged light
nings leap from heaven when the thun-
derbolts are lousened-so does a little
niggar run when the Klukluxes are
after him. f
- A clergyman happening to get
wet, was standing over the fire 20 dry
his clothes. and when his colleague
came in, he asked him to preach for him
as he was very wet. mo, sir. thank
you," was the prompt reply 'preach
yourself; you will be dry enough IN the
pulpit"
- ssWhat is he running for?" said
man to us, this morning, on seeing
us part with gentleman with whom
we had been shaking hands.
"For no Office whatever" we replied,
"Why did you ask the question ?"
"Why he. was SO polite, thought
maybe he was a candidate" ',F
- captain who had a sound
sleeping mate caught an Irish boy in
the middle watch frying some pork q
eggs he had stolen from the ships
stores, to whom the captain called out,
You lubber you I'll haveonone of that
"Faith, captain, have none Tor ye,"
said the lad.
- Speaking of politix, Nashby says
"I newer saw but one man who ever
saw any good in it. He sed he liked
It cos, next to counterfeiting and big
omy, two pursuits he dotted onto, teere
was in it the greatest room tor devel-
opin the dormant rascality which is in
every man." aut h. H.5a
- an Irish bricklayer was one day
brought to the hospital severely injured
by tall from house top. The medi-
cal man in attendance asked the sutfec-
Nr what time the accident occurred
1.-TWO o'clock your honor" was the re-
7 ly. On being asked why he came to
fix the time so accurately, he answered,
because L saw the people at dinner as
through a window as was coming
down."
- lady being invited to send in
toast to be read at the anniversary
celebration of the Pilgrim Fathers,
furnishes the following. 1t is spicy
enough to favor half dozen anniver-
sary dinners
sSChe pilgrim Fathers forsooth =
What had they to endure in compari-
son to the Pilgrim Mothers2 1t is true
they had hunger, cold, sickness, and
danger-foes Without and within-but
the Unfortunate Pilgrim Mothers they
had not only these to endure, but they
had the Pilgrim Fathers. also, and yet
their names are never mentioned
Whoever heard Ofthe Pilgrim Mothers?
Whoever gave dinner in honor OF them?
Whoever writes songs, drinks toasts
and makes speechesYin recollection of
shems This self suficiency of the men
Is beyond endurance. One would ac-
tually suppose that New England was
eolonized by men, and pOsterity provi-
ded for by special providence"
"You say you have confidence
in Cookem the plaintiff, Mr.. Smith,"
"Yes, SIR" .
estate to the Coutt if you please,
what caused this feeling of confidence.
why you see sir, there's alters re-
ports bout cate n house men, an used
TO kinder think"
tsNever mind what you think-tell us
what you know"
tNell sir, one day l goes down to
Cookem'S shop, and seq to the walter,
c~fuaH xvaal rNia -