The Plymouth weekly Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1860-1869, 1868-05-14

will be in the market again as To Let
Inquire within
MARK TWAlN'S SECRETARYSHlP.
am not private secretary to senator
any more, now. | held the birth two
months in security and great cheerfulness
of spirit, but my bread began to return
from over the waters, then-that is to say
my works came back and revealed them
selves. judged it best to resign The
way of it was this. My employer sent for
me one morning tolerably early, and, as
soon as had flushed inserting some con-
umdrums clandestinely into his last great
speech upon finance, entered his pres
ence. There was something portentous in
his appearance. His cravat was united, his
hair was in state of disorder, and bis
countenance bore about it the signs of
suppressed storm. He held package Of
| letters in his tense grasp, and know that
the dreaded Pacific mail was in He
said
[ thought you were worthy of conf
dence."
Salu " 1 eS sir.
He SAID 81 gave you letter from
certain of my constituents in the state of
Nevada, asking the establishment OF a
postof6ce at Baldwin's Ranch, and told
with arguments wnipG"%0ta|E vpH Naald
them that there was no real Necessity for
an Office at that place"
felt easier. 'Oh, if that is all, sir, |
did that"
"Yes, You, did. I will read your an
swer, for your own humiliation:
WASHINGTON, Nov. "a, 1867.
/" Messrs. Smith. Jones and Others:
GENTLEMEN: What the mischief do
you suppose you want with postofice at
Baldwin's Ranch? 1t wouldn't do you
any good. If any letters came there, you
couldn't rea6 them you know and, besides
such letters as ought to pass through with
money in them, for other localities, would
not be likely to get through you must
pc receive at once and that would make
tr ouble for US all. No, don't bother about
postoffice in yeur camp. | have your
best interests at heart, and feel that it
would be only an ornamental folly. What
you want is a nice Jail you know-a nice,
substantial Jail and a free school. These
will be lasting benefit to you. These
will make you really contented and happy.
| will move in the matter at once
Very truly, etc.,
MARK TWAIN,
For James w. Nye, U. S. Senator.
"That is the way you answered that let
ter. Those people say they will hang me
if ever enter that district again and |
am perfectly satisfied they ,cill, too"
Well, sir, did not know l was doing
any harm. 1 only wanted to convince
them"
"Ab. Well, you dill convince them, l
make no manner of doubt. Now, here is
another specimen. gave you petition
from certain gentlemen of Nevada, pray
ing L would get bill through congress
incorporating the Methodist Episcopal
church of Nevada. | told you to say in
reply, that the creation of such law came
more properly within the province of the
state legislature and to endeavor to show
them that in the present feebleness of the
religious element in that new common
wealth, the expediency Of Incorporating
the church was questionable. What did
you write
WASHINGTON, Nov. IA, 1867.
Rev. John Halfdr and others:
"GENTLEMEN: You will have to go to
the state legislature about that little specu
lation of yours-congress don't know any
thing about religion. But don't you hur-
ry to go there, either because this thing
you propose to do out in that new country
isn't expsdient--in fact, it is simply ridic-
ulous. Your religious people there arc
too feeble, in intellect, In morality, in pie
ty-in everything, pretty much You
had better drop this-you can't make it
work You can't issue stock on an iucor-
poration like that--or if you could, it
would only keep you in trouble all the
time. The other denominations would
abuse it, and bear it, aud sell it
Short and break it down. They would
do with it just as YOU would with one of
your silver mines out there-they would
try to make all the world believe it was
wildcat You ought not do anything
that is calculated to bring a. sacred thing
into disrspute. You ought to be ashamed of
vourselves-that is what think about it.
You close your petition with the words {:
s Aud we will ever pray think you
had better-you need to do it.
Very truly, etc.,
For james ", Nys, U. s. Senator"