Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-04-10
Annlorolls.
coYpNpRUMs.-When IS . hen most likely

ce5SAtAf@F&Ats'f
coEgSDaUns.-Wh When IS 3 hen most likely
to hatch
When she is in earnest. In her nest.l
What did the feather when it first sprouted
say to the duck
I'm down on you this time,
Why is man who makes additions to false
ramors, like one who has confidence in all
that is told?
Because he relies on all he hears.
Az enraged man tears his hairi but an en-
ragged woman tears her husbands.
By fashionable young married woman
The latest thing out--my husband-ftn1eh.
~ WONDER what makesmy eyes so weak
said fop to a gentleman. ''They are IN
weak place, replied the latter.
Why is a rooster standing on fence like
silver halfdoIlar9 Because tits head on one
ide and tail on the other.
| IT is good to respect ancient foundations,
shut we are not on that account, to neglect
founding something in our turn.
SOMEBODY says "a wife should be like
roasted lamb-tender and nicely dressed" A
scamp adds, "and without any sauce
Dick, the groom, who is a connoisseur in
wines, prefers still hooks when he is cleaning
the horse's heels.
| Why is an heir apparent to throne like
an umbrella in dry weather Because he's
ready for the next reign.
TEAcH your children to be honest because
it is right so to be; let sinners mculeate the
quasi religions proverb of honesty being the
best policy.
'.WuY did Joseph's brethren cast him into
a pit?n asked school teacher of his class.
Because, said young lady, ''they thought
it good opening for young man"
Mrs. Partington has been reading the health
officers weekly reports, and thinks that
''Total must be an awful malignant disease,
since as many die of it as all the rest put to-
gether.
81 hope, my little daughter" l said one
morning, ''that you viii be able to control
your little temper to-day" eyes, mamma;
and I hope you viii be able to CONTROL your
big temper"
''YoU would not take me fortwenty said
young lady to her partner, while dancing,
few evenings ago. ''Then what would you
take me for?'' "For better or for worse, y re-
pied he.
II DoY'r like to patronize this Hne, said
culprit to hangman, who was adjusting the
moose around his neck. ''Oh never mind this
once, replied the hangman; ''it viii soon
suspend its operation
A CYNICAL old bachelor, who firmly be-
lieves thatau women have something to say on
all subjects, recently asked female friend,
''Well, madam, what do Vou hold on this
question of female sufrage2'' To him the
lady responded calmly, "Sir hold my
tongue
Az old gentleman was sitting upon the
bank of river, fishing most patiently. Sud
denly vicious little dog stole up behind him
and gave him spiteful snap through his
pantaloons. "Whewl" exclaimed the old
fisherman; ''I'ye got bite at lastl'
A You've lady possessing more vanity than
personal charms, remarked, in ajesting tone,
but with an earnest glance, "she travelled on
her good looks" A rejected lover being
present remarked he ''eould now account for
her never being far away from home"
DIGBY sat for long time very attentiyely
considering cane seat chair. At length he
said, ~ wonder what fellow took enough
pains to find all them holes and put the straw
around EN-"
AN old lady, who pretends to fknow all
about it, - says the only way to prevent steam
boat explosions is to make the engineers "bils
their water on shore" In her opinion, "all
the Dustin, is done by cooking the steam on
| board the boat"
A New idea with regard to weddings has
| been invented in Connecticut. A citizen of
| that State announces that his golden wedding
viii come off just thirty years from now, and
offers liberal discount on any presents his
friends then design to make him.
Man is like SNOWFALL. Leave him laying
in idleness against the sunny fence of pros
perity, and all good that is in him melts like
butter; but kick him around and he gathers
strength with every successive revolution
until he grows into an avalanche. To sue
ceed you must keep moving.
INsULTING.-The Columbia Chronicle says
As thin man was recently walking up from
Greenville depot, he found himself pertinac
iousIy followed by a ferocious "dorg." Not
liking the eye of the beast, the traveller asked
boy, "what that hungry looking hound was
following him for7
sfO.---,t aay. certain stranger" was the i'm