Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1868-04-24

4 1 went to my business puZZleQ ana u.s.
contented. However little man may want
here below, doubt whether he is ever
quite sure in his own mind what that little
really is. How often had pictured Mrs
Lumpkin to myself Indifferent to fashion,
scornful of gossip, and capable Of an argu-
ment But, now that she was possessed Of
these perfections, l found in myself no
corresponding rapture, but something
much more like sulkiness.
Fretting" came next, and here ap-
piled the charactagent" without hesita-
ton, for certainly no woman can be better
for fretting; and my experiment proved
Just in time. for the following day was one
of the unlucky days that occasionally affiict
household. A neighbours dog stole our
breakfast, little Ben scalded himself badly,
the maid gave warning, and just as came
home spilled bottle af ink on the parlor
carpet. --t
e@Confound it," said /. Mrs. Lumpkin
said nothing, but began to wash the carpet
/ stood looking at her, and the enormity
of the maids carelessness grew upon me
the while.
"What did she want in here9' cried /,
savagely. "She had no business in the
parlor and why should she go whisking
And why was the ink here? I don't con-
slider the parlor the place for bottles of
ink" .>assa
And half dozen times that afternoon
found myself growing about the maid,
and declaring that the carpet was ruined.
Consequently l was uncomfortable through
the whole afternoon; whereas, if Mrs.
Lumpkin had fretted, as in the days before
the charactagent," should simply have
said, "Come, come, my dear, scolding will
not draw out the ink" and have thought
nothing more about it; for there is no
such sedative to your anger as the wrath
of another.
Next on my list / found my wife's lack
of interest in noble thoughts but here ]
was at fault. The charactagent did not
make bumps, but destroyed them. Be-
sides, had doubts began to see dimly
that it might not be altogether desirableto
raise Mrs. Lumpkin too nearly to my own
level. Once there, she might find me out,
for it is distance that lends enchantment
to the view, you know. Finally, then, /
had to deal with sentimental whims
and "caprices but as I was arranging
the pads heard my wife on the stairs. l
adjusted them hurriedly, and walked away
from the dressing-table just as she entered
the door. ssae g
AS i]lluck would have 1t / slept late, and
was awakened by Bridget, trembling and
"Oh, Musther Lumpkin," she sobbed,
"coom quick. There's something quare
with the misthress"
AS you may suppose, my trst thought
was of the charactagent !" What had
done? / hurried down stairs Mrs.
Lumpkin was in the kitchen-Mrs Lump.
kin no! She moved about the kitchen,
broom in hand, but she moved by steam.
Little jets of steam came out from her
lips and nostrils; wheels Jared and
clicked within her as she moved. She
wore dialplatc on her breast, and a key
hung from her neck. With this key you
wound her up; at the same time you
moved the hands on the dial-plate to any
figure, say seven. In that case she made
seven revolutions about the room. On
stopping, little bell suspended from her
ear rang vigorously. On examination l
discovered also that she was an ingenious
combination of the sewing-machine, the
knitting the patent washer and
wringer, and>the new apple-parer. Under
her chignon was little door through which
she was supplied with coal. My beloved
wife was an autOmaton.
What had l done? In my furry I had
arranged the pads to press equally all over
her head, and they had destroyed her indi-
viduality. Something, too, must have
happened to the electric currents, and
well, can not explain it; there she was.
As was surveying her with unutterable
grief and dismay, the young person who
had sold me the charactagent" looked in
at the door,
"Ah!" she cried, "did / not tell you?
There is SUCCESS; there is tho 'charact-
agents perfect work. There is the wo-
man of the twentieth century. There is
the only form under which she can exist as
gentlemen would have her. She is neither
silly. nor strong minded, nor vain, nor
slatternly, nor prudish, nor coquettish, I or
learned, nor simple, nor weakly, nor mas
culine, nor jealous, nor scold. And she
hears nothing, sees nothing, says nothing,
and costs nothing, and she can manage the
house, and sew on buttons. She is per-
fection." - .,-
Wretchr' / cried-and awoke-Har-
per's B0zar. Sd.