The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-03-13
Stit aud Simmer,


When is ship like q counter
felt ! When she FORCES head.
= He who marries a widow will
have dead man S head often thrown in
to his dish.
- Why does the atmosphere of a
dungeon resemble great philosopher ?
Because it is a va,ct-dir (Voltaire.)
- That's part of the sinking fund,
as chap said when box OF money
went to the bottom of the river. 400
The Albany Statesman gives a
sketch of lecture by blind man and
gravely says: 'he spoke without notes.
If a woman wants to keep her
husband at home, let her send him to
the top of the house and then take
away the ladder.
An editor sneering at the stu
pidity of contemporary, says, "The
best thing he has got oil this week is
dirty shirt"
Can any one tell us how it is
that a man who is too poor to pay for
a newspaper, is able to pay dollar or
two day for tobacco and cigars?
In list of premiums awarded
at a country fair, reporter gave un-
der the head OF domestic Articles
Best Bed Comforter, Miss Mary Hail."
An outside passenger on coach
had his hat blown over bridge into a
stream, "True to NATURE" said gem
tleman seated beside him "a bedue''
naturally takes to the water. ;"
When man and woman are made
one by clergyman, the question is,
which is the one? Sometimes there is
80. Ia hot
the matter is finally settled. ~i
- Husband hope you have no OBJ
lection to my being Weighed Ger
tainly not, my dear, why do you ask 2
Only to see, love, if you would not let
me have my weigh once.
- Mr.. l.. receives a letter: he
knows the hand writing-he wants to
read in haste--it is already dark, he
strikes light--tears paper, and
lights a candle, but the lettet is gone
he has used it to light the candle.
"A German, in Boston, married a
Norwegian bride last week. He knows
no word of the dialect of his wife, and
she knows nothing of his. There is q
chance for peace in that family for a
while ut all events.
- A drunken fellow got out of his
calculation, and was doing in the
street, when the bells reused him by
ringing for fire. mime, ten, eleven,
twelve, thirteen. fourteen cried he
swell if this isn't later than ever knew
it, nfr aa @0
ssYou are very stupid, John,'
said country teacher to little boy
eight years old. "You are like dom
KEY: and what do they do to cure him
of his stupidity?" "Why, they feed
him more and lick him less" said the
urchin. ai7
"A Juryman was asked whether
he had been charged by the presiding
Judge. "Well," said he, the little fell
low that sitsup in the pulpit and bos-
ses it over the crowed gin us lecture,
but don't know whether he charges
anything or not.
A big buck niger was standing
at the street corner in Lynchburg, ON
Monday, one of the coolest days this
winter, stark barefooted, and to the
enquiry why he went barefooted this
cold weather, coolly replied, ''that he
was free, and doned jest as he d-n
please"
- Where was John Rodgers burnt
to death?' said the teacher in com
manding voice. 1 couldn't tell-to the
next--no answer. "Joshua knows
said little girl at the foot of the class,
nWell said the teacher, .If Joshua
knows he may tell" TN the fire.
said Joshua, looking very solemn and
wise. = W. Il ~ AlssLt -.
"A prominent bachelor politician
on the Kenebeck, remarked to a lady
that soapstone was excellent to keep
the feet warm in bed: 1917
eyes said the lady who had been an
attentive listener, '.but some gentle
men have an improvement on that
which you know nothing about"
The bachelor turned pale and main
tanned wistful silence.
An Irishman called on a lady
and gentleman, in whose employ he
was, or the purpose of getting some
Jea and tobacco.
81 had dhrame last night your hon
orr
'sWhat was it, Pat p
s.Why, l dhreamed that your honor
made present of plug Of tobacco,
and her ladyship there-Heaven bless
her gave me some tea for the good
wife, rEsHy Rwfs
"Ah! Pat, dreams go by contraries, as
YOU we'll know ~ ~
"Faith and they do that" said Pat
without the least hesitation, $50 yer la
dyship is to give me the tobacco, and
his honor the tay."
"Tommy, my son, what are you
going to do with that club !"
Send it to the editor of course.
sBut what are you going to send 1t to
the editor for?'
Cause he says if any body will send
him club he will send them paper.
The mother came pretty near faint
ing but retained consciousness enough
to ask
But Tommy, dear. what do you sup
pose he wants with club p
well. L don't know, replied the hope
full urchin, unless it is to knock down
subcribers as don't pay for their paper.
Well, Mr. Snow / want to AK you
a question:
aPropel it den.,'
"Why am grOg shop like counter
felt dollar 2"
nWell. Ginger. GIBBS dat up"
sDoes you glib it up? Kase you can't
aYahi Yah niggar You talk so much
about your counterfeit dollars, jest sue
ceedto deform me why counterfeit
dollar is like an apple pie -
20, draps the subject, and doesn't
know nothing about it.
SIX ase it isn't current.
80, crackie what a niger ! Why am
your head like a bag of dollars =,
$50 away from newly am II ~
I'Kase dare is no sense (cents)in it. "