Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-11-20
Wise and Otherwise.

The spirit OF the press-New CIDER.
Mosquitoes never trust-they inva-
riably present their bills in advance.
Colfax wants to borrow a Fairbanks
scales. lie is going to have Nelly
Wade.
Can the fever Of love that results
i'm marriage be called the tie puss
fever?
An old bachelor is q traveller on
Iife's railroad, who has entirely failed
to make the proper connections.
In the multitude of transparency
notices grain of wit occasionally
occurs, rs i'm the following: Grant
smokes; Seymour takes the stump"
There is a landlord i'm Boston who
is In the habit of placing an extra
fork beside the plate of such boarders
as have not paid promptly-being an
invitation TO fork over.h
An indignant orator at recent po-
litieal meeting, in refuting an opp0-
nent, Numbered:
"Mr. Chairman, I scorn the allie
cation, and defy the alligator"
Prentice says: "The radicals rolled
up such q majority on Tuesday that
the Democrats may as well roll up
for the present the scroll upon which
their bright hopes have been writ
ten."
One of Josh Billings maxims.
"Rise early, work hard and late, live
on what you kant sell, give nothing
away, and if you don't die rich and
go to the devil, you may sue US for
damages"
Josh Billings says never bet on
the man who Is always telling what
he would have done If he had been
there; have noticed that this kind
never get there.
Motley is TO become historical
contributor to the atlantic. Parton
Is to write for the January number
composition on 1.-THE Mean Yankees
at nome," which is advertised as
striking"
"How many regular boarders are
there i'm this house?" asked census
taker of servant girl. There's fif-
teen boarders ia all, sir; but not
more'n four of 'em is steady persons,
sir. The rest is Democrats"
A woman at one of the New York
city dispensaries applied for medical
aid, stating her disease to be filtration
of the heart. mot an uncommon
ailment with your sex, ma'am," said
the doctor, with a twinkle Of the
eye.
1t is said that chickens Matched in
the natural way don't agree with
those Matched by the machine. One
of tire former lately told a chick of
the latter, i'm moment of passion,
that his material parent was an old
stove. -.@## ##-.."
In celebrating Franklin's birth day
the printers at Buffalo, had "a good
time, and among others the follow
ing toast was drank printers
Wives-May they always have plenty
of SMALL CAPS for the heads OF their
title original articles"
Nasty writes Vallandigham: "By
the way, Vallandigham, do you
'spose you'll hev any infiooence to
speak Nv with General Grants adj
ADMINISTRATION shel want my COM
mission ez Post master extended next
March. burned eff Grants SO bad a
Teller after all"
In Scotland recently; o woman
went to register the birth of her
child. and had TO answer the usual
questions. TO the one-'Were you
present at the birth p the astonished
woman answered, I'm the mither of
the Baird But that is not an an
swer to my question: replied the reg
lister. Were you present at the
birth" Yes, of course she said, i
was there
Reader, If you have good live adj
yertisement running through our
own or any other good list, you have
a hundred thousand servants out at
work for you, whether you wake or
sleep, whether you be sick or well.
No mOnarch's slaves ever scattered at
his bidding so fleetly or faith fully, or
i'm such bewildering numbers, as the
literary messengers that bear your
individual word to the people of this
great nation.-fnSidc track
HoNEy.-Take six pounds water,
twenty pounds Brown Sugar, three
pounds of Bees Honey, eighty grains
Cream Tartar, twenty-tour drops
Essence of Roses; Mix in brass or
porcelain kettle aud boil five minutes
take it off and add whites of two
Eggs well beaten; when nearly cold
add two pounds more of Bees Honey.
A pint of the decoction of slippery
elm bark of the consistency of cream
will improve it if added while cool
ing.
Among the passengers in stage
coach was little gentleman who bad
possibly seen five summers. The
coach being quite full, he sat in the
lap of another passenger. While on
the way, something was said about
pickpoekets, and soon the converse.
ton became general on that interest
ing subject. The gentleman who was
then holding our young friend re-
marked: my fine fellow, how easy |
could pick your pocket" mo you
couldn't" replied he; "I've been
looking out for you all the time"
A kkeptical young collegian con-
fronted an old Quaker with the state
ment that he did not believe in the
Bible. Said the Quaker:
Does thee believe i'm France?'
Yes; for though | have not seen
1t, have seen others that have. Be-
sides, there is plenty of corrOborative
proof that such O country docs ex-
ist.'
Then thee will not believe any
thing thee or Others has not seen?
No; to be sure | WON'T
Did thee ever see thy own brains?'
No.
Ever see anybody that did%
No.
Does thee believe thee has any p
Peter Hackett. veteran printer
who used to work on the New York
Tribune, considerably excited Horace
Greeley one day. Horace had writ
ten, civilian III. Seward" in his
fearful style of chirography, and
Peter bad set it Richard the Third"
The quotation otis true, it's pity
to read, "'Tis two, it's fifty; and
fifty tits, tits two" Greeley sent for
Peter and ''satled in steep" Cant
you read that eopl ?" snarled Horace.
Sure am | cal IT," said Peter
Then" said Horace, 'you ought to
go to school month longer" "Faix,
Horace, il wouldn't do you n bit o.
harm TO take lesson or two in pin
manship yourself" There was no
more said.