The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1868-01-10
NUMBER 2.
MRs. OAUpLE oN BILLIARDs.
A Certain Lecture Never Before Pub-
iished.


You're a nice man, Mr.. Caudle, uery.-
Why didn't you stay at the billiard-roOn
all night, and have bed made up for you
on the table? .How the devil do I know
you've been to billiard -room?" o, of
course you won't acknowledge it. Mr.. Cau-
die. Get up and look at the chalk on your
coat-sleeve, sir; and then deny it if you
can. You never did deny it, and don't
mean to. OF course not, know thst; you've
brass enough for anything. You went out
for stroU, you hyPocrite just after din
ner and now It's o'clock in the morning.
It isn't 2 O'Clock, eh? and I've been alter
ing the clock, haveI? You hear St. Marks
striking twelve, do you? Very good, Mr..
Caudle; and isn't that pretty time of night
for father Of family to be ringing and
pounding at his own door? Why did I
steal your latch-key. then? Because 1
wanted to know what time you did come
in. ] suppose you Intended to sneak up
to bed when was asleep. without disturb
ing me. What the deuce did rant to be
disturbed for? To tell you what thought
of you, Mr.. Caudls-tbat's why.
What's that you say? You'd been stick
ing eloseato business all day and wanted
exercise? Couldn't you have staid at
home and Put down the new stair.carpelg
You like billiards better, Ell? And what
do you suppose I was doing, Mr. Caudle,
while you were enjoying yourself Not
putting down the stair carpet. you can
swear TO that. o. yes. some folks Will
swear to anything. You can swear to thaE
because you stumbled over it on the land
ing aud barked your shin o. you vulgar
brute! I almost wish it had been your
neck. ~ &c 5.-
And what did you take to drink at the
billiard -roon, Mr. Caudle? Nothing, upon
your soul, but some lemon soda. Bahl sir,
it was rum punch; do you think havn't
nose? You think have pretty long one.
and poke it into what doesn't concern me?
Obi you insulting monster. v Nish was a
man for your sake. What have been
drinking, did you say? Ny own bitter
tears. you unfeelng wretch. You thought
it had been vinegar or aqua fortis, did you?
If you say that again, Caudle, I'll-bss
what can poor, weak, prosecuted woman
do?
OF course you've come home dead
broke" as you disspated men call It when
you've gambed away your last dollar
Your poor wife. Mr.. Caudle, couldn't have
paltry thousand dollars for that camel's.
hair shawl she wanted-of course not
Billiards! billiards. B1LLIARDsl that's the
way the money goes. o, the sel6shness
of meni You didn't bet cent, eb? aud I
ought to know that, for I'd picked your
pocket before you went out? Yes, sir, /
lid take that precaution-but you ,oould
have spent tiff you'd had it. Don't an.
swer nee-I kno,0 you would; and as it was,
l dare say you gave your check. You'll
be id if you did? Pretty language that,
Mr.. Candle, to use to your affectionals
wife. No man that called himself man
would curse a lady. You didn't curse me
at all. Oh, then I'm a liar, 1 suppose
pretty treatment! Next time you spend
half the night at billiards. don't come home
at all-sleep on the table. What's that
you're nutteriug? You'll take my advice.
for Ptelan's Combination Cushion is better
than the thOrny pillow Of a hen -pecked
husband. Is it indeed?
You want to go to sleep. No doubt of
it, sir; but il can't be done. wish to know
il you're going TO get me that camels- hair
shawl tomorrow, aud the diamond ring
told Ball & Black to lay aside for me. Why
don't you answer? Caudle Caudle CAUDLE!
COnfound the wretch! he is asleep.