Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1868-07-24
BY TIT AUTHOR OF "mlDRED WEDDING" F

BY TIT AUTHOR OF "NLDRED 5 WEDDING" ETC.
Did YOU ever drive COW TO pound
No. of course not.
Did your mother ever drives COW to pound
or your wife
Of course not, again.
Well. | have l. Tabitha Trenoodle, OF
Tregawk, spinster, drove a large brindled
knot COW to pound. And since am neither
first cousin TO Mrs. Squeamsh nor first t0ady
to Mrs. Grundy, see no reason whatever
why | should deny the fact
Perhaps up in England folks mayn't know
what a knot cow Is, have heard there's a
good deal of ignorance in London. Well, a
knot COW is a COW without horns, having a
little knot or knob on the head instead of thos,
appendages. If that brindle had had horns
l don't think-well. YES. III confess it
don't think should have driven her to pound
object to horns They have an ugly look
and they give me a sort Of a ripping feeling
highly unpleasant, in my backbone.
Moreover, they make me say over to myselfal
the Ifs and lands in the alphabet
"If that beast only knew his strength, and
Just took it into his head then a cold shiver
and feel very glad I'm walking long way
behind the creature : tail.
In another minute I'm c5niugating IFS
again. because the animal has turned and
looked me mildly in the face
If he means mischief by that look, and
catch upmy long dress and wonder, after
a good run. whether | could take the next
hedge at a flying leap Then | begin think
ing if | could climb tree or if a woman
ever has climbed tree, since Eve, without
any impedimeuts, clambered TO a top branch
after that unfortunate apple. That's how
20 on, if ever IN near horned creature.
So, in towns dash into shops cut Of the way
Of horns and in the country ! tear otfat full
speed, with an imaginary horn in my back.
all the way till | drop As a child, ran
from horned snail, and a stag's-horn beetle
| once took for small devil, out for a walk
with his nursemaid.
I've got little meadow at Trerawk. I'm
rather proud Of 1t, because its the best land
and grows the best grass for miles round. The
granite doesn't show up through the soil in
ever so many places at once, as it does else
where in the parish.
Now when person has got a meadow with
good grass in it. that person doesn't ike the
grass to be eaten upnight after night, nobody
knows how At least don't Ny maid sug
gested
''Evul Sperruts.'
said, "Stufl Eynspirits don't eat grass
they devour men
Then she said .Neers.
Now | believe Veer Is a grand name in Eng
land and have heard Of Lady Clara Neel
de Veer who cut somebody's throat in a grand
wav. and wasn't found out. But with u,
veers are little pigs, and in some parishes
heiiers are called veers too. So You see it IL
not such a noble name with US. that ! was
going TO be startled at the idea of veer eat
ing mp my grass
s.No signs of EN-, answered. '' Moth
ing nuzzled up"
Nebuchadnezzar. said my maid.
- Nonsense He's dead and gone these
hundred years.
Not him. Her-the parsons wife
This seems ridiculous. But it was not be
cause that poor bowling maniac iancied her
elfNebuchadnezzar and she was always try
ing to get out and eat grass She took 70
calling herself the King of Babylon at first
through fun because of the herb-pies she ate
down in Cornwall, and because her husband +
name was Daniel Then getting little wild
stuck to her fancy. In fact, it got to be what
the doctors call a fixed idea-though where
fixed, or how, can't say.
my dear Miss Trcnoodle,' - see used to say
to me at times, "do Won think there are any
cabs and omnibuses up in London still? |
should like to see en-. she said. Il should
like to hear EN-.
Then YOU d like to hear a great row,
answered And what pleasure can there be
in seeing heap Of tired horses and tagged
men and rattling vehicles pooting about and
twisting in and ont and up and down like
angle-twitches in tie mud, Is more than a ra-
tional being can understand. | should 20
crazy amongst EN-, and feel Ikea lunatic asy-
lum in my head, with the keys lost and the
doctor Of the establishment intoxicated that :
how should feel in London.
That Just how feel down here" she
said, signing dlsmally
Then why did You come? asked suap-
pishly. why didn t You marry cabman,
and live in the Tower
"Daniel, she said shaking her head" Dan
iel. That's why come. But didn't know
what he was bringing me TO. No parties, no
society; parsley pics, and the sea on both
sides of me, and bassoon and two fddles IL
the church
"Why not two fddles, or three, or six, II
we could get EN-?
"Why not " she cried, staring at me as
hard as a goose at Michaelmas- Why Lot
0 dear me, can't tell you I'm going away
now to teach my canaries German. I'm very
busy They'll sing in German soon. Why
not?''
| saw it was of no Use talking to fool, SO
departed.
have no doubt she fancied Daniel was 20
ing to bring down by rail, for her especial ac-
commodation. few slices of London streets .
cabs and all, with dozen miles OF SO Of fog
for skv nobody can call it-tull of bad air
and dirt. and other creatures wandering pro-
miscuous upand down the roofs and throats
of human beings, who ought TO be drinking
fresh air and eating fresh vegetables, which
are too dear for any lady pocket, leave alone
being car-magged about at greengrocers, which
Is a name for gardeners / never heard till
got to London.
Of course after this long explanation
you'll understand | was not surprised. when
nv maid Temper Temperance i her right
name-suggested that the parsons wife ate
"She Is capable, said so I'll watch. .
Accordingly that night | make Temper
bring down into the fields the small kitchen
table and big stool, and by aid of these !
Chamber up pretty high into tree, where
cit perched like Charles the Second in a
crinoline; Temper stayed with me till near
ly dark, and brought me my tea out there
as | had got into the tree quite early, think
ing it wise to be in time She had to climt
10 the top Of the table to hand up the cups
and | found it rather novel, though sofa
cushion on the branch might have improved
the situation.
When it grew dusk made Temper leave
Juggling the table with her of course, lest il
should attract Mrs Nebuchadnezzar's atten-
ton. screamed after her for a cushion
but she did not hear me.
After nightfall, thought of Charles the
Second, and Robinson Crusoe, and Prince
Absalom, till didn't know which was which
or whether | was one or the other Of them.
Then cramp came on for want of the cushion
after that the shivers, then the cramp again.
And my limbs took kind Of spontaneous
iocomotion, and wouldn't stay in any place
where put EN-. | was Just thinking that
African travellers told awful stories. about
sleeping up trees with snakes and things
when suddenly heard steps.
"Nol it can't be - | said, humping nv.
self frightfully, forgetting my sofa cushion
was at home Surely she won't carry out
her ideas of Nebuchnezzar az far as this, il
nv meadow too. TO eat grass Poor thing
Herb-pies indeed Herb-pies are not grass
it's a Judgment on her for despising goo
victuals."