Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-09-02
All Sorts Of Items,

......Rind.erpcst- Throwing watermelon
rinds on the pavement.
......He overcomcs q stout enemy that
overcomes his own anger.
......The high destiny for which Butler is
reserved-the gallows.
......The greatest portrait painters fash
ionable belle. She paints her own face.
1.-THE height Of impudence taking
shelter from the rain in an umbrella shop.
......"Don't swear, boy; you will never
catch any fish," "1'll swear if I don't, you
bet."
......Beast Butler declares he never fell in
love. Ben, however, must feel spoony at
times.
...Fleshy persons may become lean by
eating slate pencils. 1t reduces them to a
mere cipher.
......A grand mass temperance meeting
will be held in Stcele's grove, Chester Co.,
on the Sd inst.
......An Irishman remarked of lady who
had been very kind to him, "Bedad, she's
perfect gintleman I"
......Mang man thinks it is virtue that
keeps him from turning rascal, when it's
only full stomach.
......The Supreme Court Of the Sandwich
Islands has decided that man cannot be
hung for the crime Of suicide.
...."No man is perfect" is a common
aphorism. We deny it. We have known
many who were perfect fools.
......A sentimental bard wishes to know
what is home without a mother?" A
motherless home, we suppose.
......" ."The cradle is woman's ballot box I"
Yes, some Of them deposit two ballots at
once. Now, isn't that illegal?
......The colored Odd Fellows Of Penn
sylvania contemplate having grand parade
in Harrisburg on the 18th of October next.
......A man who claims an extraordinary
amount Of veneration, says he respects old
age in everything except chickens for din
ner.
1.-The childs idea of smile 'is the
whisper Of laugh" Some folks idea of
a "smilc' is something that comes out Of
black bottle.
......A Fort Wayne gander charged upon
couple Of timil young ladies and fright
cned them into convulsions. Was it with,
or without feathers?
1.-THE fewer relations or friends We have
the happier we are. In your poverty they
never help you; in your prosperity they
always help themselves.
"....Children wouldn't cross their parents
so often when they are grown up, if they
were to cross their parents knees little
oftcner when they were little.
......lt is said that the reason why the
Radicals reduced the tax on whisky is be-
cause it will take such an immense quantity
to carry on the Grant and Colfsx campaign.
......" "How long did Adam remain in Par.
adise before he had sinned?" asked an ad.
mirable cara sposa Of her. loving husband.
It'll he got wife," answered the husband,
calmly.
......A young lady from the country, now
visiting the city, writes thus: Nobody
isn't nothin now which doesn't hole up her
cloze, and..the hier you hole EN- up the more
yu are notised,"
......Miniature photographs of Grant, set
in breastpins, have been served out to the
southern negroes by the Radical party, and
are worn by those fragrant suffragans in tho
bosoms of such as have shirts.
......A husband complains sadly at tho
price Of ducks" His wife recently bought
three for two hundred and twenty-six dol
lars, viz: A "duck" of dress, duck"
Of bonnet, and duck of parasol.
......A married couple has recently been
discovered in Chicago, who have actually
been living together for ten years, and never
applied for divorce. Barnum is about
concluding an arrangement to exhibit them.
......At county fair in New Jersey lit
tie boy, who was running about bawling
loudly, was asked why be cried so, replied:
II want my nanny; that's what's the
matter. / told the darned thing she'd lose
me-"