The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-10-02

She llnev erbem ybett erh alf-
Fo rshe'd ma ket emo fine.
aIfit anS 1nutur.
- Evrything unknown to us we
suppose to be magnificent.
= Stocks Tat are always up-those
around the neck.
- People who are sweet on their
characterization
- People who can't stand a joke
should sctit down.
- Mrs Partington says when sew
ing machines are made to darn stock
ings she will purchase one.
- 1t is only by labor that Thought
can be made healthy, and only by
thought that labor can be made happy.
- The prominent Democratic edi-
tors of New York are named Wood
Marble, Stone and Brick.
- A Western editor, when in du-
rance for libellinga justice of the peace
Was requested by ;he jailor to give the
prison favorable notice.
III wonder where those clouds
are going 2" said Florence. pensively as
she pointed with delicate fingers to the
heavy masses that foated in the sky.
- A Prussion chemist has Invented
new method OF warfare on the battle
field. Is is / powder that will make a
whole regiment sneeze for half an hour.
- The reason why lovers are so
fond OF one anothers company is because
they are always talking about them
selves.
- A disturbed preacher remarked,
I'll that cross-eyed lady in the side aisle
with red hair. anda blue bonnet, don't
stop talking must call attention to
her.
- Mr.. Patrick O'Flarity said that
his wife was very ungrateful, for, ..when
married her she hadn't q rag to put
on her back, but now she's covered
with Them"
- Coal tar as motive power is one
OF the newest scientific wrinkles. A
little on the heel does not very much as
sist the speed of pedestrians when late
for the railroad train;
- allow is your husband this after
noon Mrs. Squiggs?" 'sWny the doc.
says as how as, il he lives until MORN
Ing, he shall have some hopes of hi Il,
but If he don't he will give him up"
- The battle of life, III by far the
greater number OF cases, must neces-
sarily be fought up hill; and to win it
without struggles, were, perhaps, to
win 1t without honor.
- An exchange says: wThe earli-
est mention of banking transaction,
was when Pharaoh received check ON
the bark OF the Red Sea, which was
crossed by Moses Il Aaron" There
was A-run on the Pharaoh Bank.
- The attachments of some ladies
to their lap-dogs amounts in some in
stances to intatuatlon. We heard of
lap-dog biting a piece out of male Wis
1tors teg Her mistress thus expressed
her compassion s'Poor dear little
creature | hope it won't make her
sick ~
- Ladies who complain most that
they have nothing to wear. commonly
wear the least when best supplied. Miss
Featherfiy had a score of new dresses
last week, and yet hasn't been able TO
get single one up to her shoulders.
The bare idea of the thing is and it is
not singular.
- A young woman meeting a for
mer fellow servant, asked her how she
liked her new place.
avery WE'LL"
of?n
Nothing, only master and mistress
talk such very bad grammar
- The majesty ofthe law was fear
fully sustained by Lord Eskgrove, who.
it is related, once sentenced tailor, for
numbering soldier in these words
"And not only did you murder him,
whereby lie was bereaved of life, but
you did thrust, or push, or propel, or
pierce the lethal weapon through his
reglinental breechcs, which we're his Ma
jesty's."
- Young Truflles was observed to
be climbing a tree yesterday. when the |
paternal member of the family inquired |
MS purpose. 81 am going to rise with
the iark-you've told me to- do it lots of
times, and | am going to try" The
onthful Josephus had his eye on the
lark, which was perched gracefully on
one OF the upper branches. That b
VIII De sure to get up some time.
- Save us fIom whiting, whmper-
ing, wliggling woman. She is the con-
snmation OF uneasiness and discomfort.
ana generally tries to worry other peo-
pie into a like condition. AS ten is
greater than one SO is 4 whining woman
ten-fold more annoying than a whining
man. The latter can be kicked, cuffed,
exploded, locked up; the former must
be mildly and passiyely endured.
iEP a small boy stepped into book
store and asked the price of spelling
book. On being told that they we're
Twelve cents apiece, and being possessed
pi but ninI cents, he was considerably
non-plussed. At length an idea SEEM
ed to strike him. Says he, Mister.
can't you let nae have one that is a lit
lie torn for nine cents ?" The clerk
looked in vain. The boy was dispirit-
ted. At length another idea seemed to
strike him. "Please mister, can't you
ear one %
- The following reply to life in !
iirance agents circular; requesting in
ormatIon as to the health and habits of
IN applicant, was received ats pro nj
lent life insurance office at Hartford
/. How long have you known -?
Since two years after was born.
z. What are his general habits? In
winter, red flannel and blue beaver: in
straw hat can ted to one side
md nankeen trousers very loose in
he legs.
3: What is his profession ? Congre- {
.ationalist.
4. Has he ever had fever and ague p
lad lever last summer, when the
thermometer was at ninety, but it was
10 great shakes.
5. Has he ever had heart disease ? Yes
mt he was cured of it years ago by the
rev. DR.. Hawkins.
6. Has he been afflicted with any 9TH