The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1868-06-17
FACETIE.

Those VINO WANT 10 scS 1Shhs SNH Z"
last are referred to his shoemaker.
The man who "stolc march has
been put in the same cell with " frO-
crastination, the thief of time"
Mrs. Darlington has come to the con-
clusion that there is no use catching
soft water when it rains hard.
The minister who boosted of preach
ing without notes don't wish to be I'M
derstood to refer to greenbacks.
Voltage, who is q single man, is gener-
ally considered honest, but says there
are times when his fingers have itched
to hook dress.
Mrs. PartingtOn has been reading the
health officers weekly report, land thinks
that Total is an awful malignant
disease, siuce as many die OF 1t as all
the rest put together.
"Mr. Smith, wish to speak to yon
privately. Permit lee TO take yen apart
a few moments" Smith (whO wasn't
the least acknowledgements sir, If
you'll promise to put me together
again.
"Did YOU know" said cunning Yam
kee to . Jew. that they hang Jews
aud donkeys together in Portland y
"Indeed then il is we'll that you and
are not there" returned the Jew.
An exchange reports very natural
comment on the Nashua aeronants &C
ton in throwing q bottle of claret
overheard to tighten the balloon. Said
Pat: "And why the divel didn't they
dhrink it "
At Baden Baden. lady asked her
friend why they called a town de-
voted to play watering placer be
canse,D answered her friend, "the Wis
itors are generally cleaned out"
Digby sat for a long time very atten-
lively considering cane seat char.
At length he said, II wonder what fell
low took enough pains to find all them
holes and put that straw around 'emI
A countryman entered New Bedford
restaurant where lot of flaming me-
nagerie handbills were posted. and on
being asked what he would have, re-
piled, 81 guess III take a cup of coffee
and three menageries."
An enterprisiug quack has contrived
TO extract from sausages powerful
tonic, which he says contains the whole
strength of the original bark. He calls
it Sulphate of Canine" tie anticl-
pates 4 great popularity for 1t.
A three-years old boy in New Bedford
recently asked his mother who made
the moon. God" was the reply. The
next question was u double barreled
one: "Who takes care of it, and who
let's it out nightsH"
In the bnrial ground of Il Jesuit Mis-
sion Church at La Point, Lake Superior,
NAV be seen tombstone with the fol-
lowing inscription: This stone was
erected to the memory of -, who
was shot as mark of esteem by his sur
yiving relatives"
Abroad style" of western man, Wis
iting Boston, said nothing had surprised
HIM so much as to see the New England
farmers boring holes in the rocks to
put in the grain. Why, out West"
he added, I'VE put the grain on table
and fan it, and it comes up all around"
An old lady was hunting about the
streets of New York, the other day, try
ing to ind the All Saints Church.
After travelling in vain till sunset she
gave it up. There were plenty of
churches in which saints were counted
by Several" in one they were "numer-
Gus" but in none could ii be said they
were all saints.
A story is told of young lady teacher
in one of our Sabbath Schools, who, one
or two days ago asked youugster what
was matrimony. He mistook the aues-
GioD for purgatOry, and answered. "a
place or state of punishment, where
some sonls suffer for time before they
go to beaVen."
DR.. W on one occasion received
80 fee for marrying parsimonious
cOgple, and meeting them several
months after at q social gathering, took
up their baby and exclaimed,
81 believe ] have mortgage ON this
childi" i
Baby's papa, rather than have any
explanation before the company, quiet
ly handed over n V.
\ good story is told in a Louisiana
paper of q WAGNER whose camp was
wished by some travellers to whom he
offered coffee, aud one of the latter de-
clining Il Sas asked of what profession
he vast he answered he was Bap-
fist. ThereaPsp the WAGNER brought
Gus his jug aud o4essd drink to the
Baptist, declaring that Ne always went
prepared with chickens for . Methodist
preacher and whisky for Baptist.
Kesigned.