The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1868-05-01
HUMOROUS.
A gold briek-A millionaire.

A POOR RELATION - IetIng an
anecdote bad.
" Why are lovers signs like long
stockings2 Because they are high
hose (heigh ho's.)
The young ladies mentioned as hav-
ing drank so much at the Springs last
season, are by no means to be eon
sidered aqueducts.
Why is a thief your only true phi
losopher? Because he regards every
thing from an abstract point of view,
is opposed to all notions of protec-
ton, and is open to conviction.
A Nova Scotia Pogram cries out
thus for repeal: :" Had l 10, 1000 voices,
each as loud as a dozen cats in a gar
den-ay, louder still-with those
10000 voices, | would cry till my
10000 threats were raw, Repeal, re-
peal!"
The LAsT.-If a tall man held a
most responsible SITUATION in a Bank,
why would the description, given by
a Scotchman, be the name Of an Eng
lish county? Because the Scotchman
would describe him as Lang
cashier.
QUITE AS LIKELY.-The increase
of the French army to 100000 men
by the new bill, will, according to the
Imperial organs, cOnduce to peace, by
leaving France to enjoy her Otium
cum dig3atate. But how if it con-
verts her 0tiun1 into braggadociuBa?
A little boy in New Bedford, in
giving an account to his brother Of
the Garden of Eden, said, THE
Lord made a garden and put him in
the garden to take care of it, and to
see that nobody hurt anything, or
posted any bills on the trees.
A little girl who had been visiting
In the family of a neighbor, hearing
them speak Of her father being a
widower, on her return home adj
dressed him thus; Pa, are you a
widower?" Yes, my child. Don't
you know your mother is dead?'
Why, yes | knew mother was dead,
but you always told me you were a
New Yorker"
A Brooklyn man has accomplished
a feat in the way Of bigamy. He
courued for two years, and finally
married. a young lady residing within
a stones throw of the house where
he lived with his wife and family, and
sustained the two establishments fol-
some time.
Somebody says the best way to get
rid of weeds Is to always put your
cigar case and contents at the service
of your friends. Jones says that the
most effective means he ever trieC
was by squeezing the hand Of a plUmI
young bereaved in black. The mex.
day she was in half mourning and
second kindly pressure resulted In
pink bonnet. Farmers, please notice
Theodore Hook, passing through
London one day with a friend
noticed a quiet house In Werner
Street. the residence Of a widow, auC
laid a wage that he would make tn,
house famous. Accordingly he sen
out 1000 invitations to various per
sons, of all ranks, trades, and profes
siOns. asking them. on yarIOus pre-
texts. to cal at that house, at such
dav and hour. All sorts Of wOrkmeI
came to repair the house; cabine
ministers came to learn something o
importance to the government thu
Archbishop of Canterbury came t,
receive the astounding revelations O
the dying confessions of a great Grim
inal: ladies Of rank and merchants
wives came In their carriages to NEE
old friends: all sorts Of literary hacks
and men who lived by their wits
came on Invitations to dine; th
street for a long distance was com
pleteiy- choked up with q surging
E struggling mass of carts, carriages
) and foot passengers of every descFip
: ton, all trying to reach the door .
the before unheard Of, but thence
forth famous house.
; A PAN ANSWER. Among tn
g people who came to market yesterda
5 afternoon, was a citizen of West JeT
sey. He brought "a stock Of eggs an,
3 butter. In a big coop in the rear
most part Of his wagon he had
splendid peacock, whose tail sprea,
out, beautiful even to g-orgeousness
ike the trail of a lady's dress. Al
Irishman passing, he observed th
splendid plumage of the bird, an