The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1868-12-21

NcAt SUIlSu slittS oCHGAOE.'
The Van Trumps-rcgardlcss Of sex,
(they all have the misfortune to be white
are prorusc ir their Acknowledgements for
the homer Paid by The Democrat 10 the
illusions of their author ami head. We,
that is, us-the patcrnal author OF the
smaller Yans-and also Of the letter
hereby offer our whole heart, or any part
OF it-including also cur livers and other
numerous inner fix:ns' TO the firm OF
Cozal & Wotfndiu, aid they, or their
heirs or assigns, may draw or us for it, Or
them, at any time ninety days alter death.
The real and true aiiictiou in life, gen.
tltmen, is to have the refined and delicate
feelings ofan author, q mean now strictly
in a literary sense whose finer sensibili-
lies place him several shelves above the
"rcst OF mankind ard whose thoughts
are incon:inently striEin' out into the
Elyaiau fields Of ancient and modern
lore; nan, | say, never experiences
true affection until he tastes such aspira-
tons rs these, and casts from him the de-
fusion he has been hugging, only to iud
tina. young Van Trumps are what he is
the author Of, and not book or books
which will render bis name and fame i'm
mortal Sch, however, is life!
We are led to these !cmoncholy mu-
sings, form the fac. that we had just Got
to a fine place TO spread oursclf on jim
Furguson in our last letter, when the
laugs of the eight youngest Trumps made
it matter Of necessity 10 commence =
sort Of guerilla warfare, which lasted
with great severity for several minutes,
until we knocked under to Ike superior
cC!loQuinl powers Of Mrs. Van, who sa4
we "na'l better be ont chopin wood than
lckin' them ere young 'uus." This re-
mark, although no: at all pertinent,
rather staggered US, but to-day we have
sorter collected our scattered iGe.s, TN!
again offer few suggestions Gu the men
who want to be United States Senator.
We have thought about the matter con-
siderlbly more than much-wc have turn
ed it over in the pondcrous rrccsScs of
our prolific brain-cyen as Mr.. Core
turned over Tom Harris for lying about
him-and We have concluded that there
arc other men who ought to be United
States Scna,or-a'lhough OF course, Jim's
or maa-Carpet-Bag jim, we mean.
We amt 10 DO ou,dono in generosity,
providence aud the editors of Tie Dcm-
ocrot pcrnittingl by General Norihcott.
the h'eliiycaccr editor, nor anybody else.
We see 'c,n and 60 one better. Wen
not only give everybody room what wants
10 be United States Senator, but out o!
the gusliu' fountain of the cream of hu-
man kindacss which biles and bubbles
within our heayin' bosom, Our love fairly
slons over, and We propose 10 10 all tie
lis2ussiu' ousself.
: Now, as bcgiuuin, there's Carlisle
surnancl John s., you know. lie used
to be Uuitci States Senator-hc also was
a Demccrat-and he progressed until he
became . Know. Nothing and now he's
progressed 50 low as to be tn degrees
mcancr than pup whose thread of life
severed last week for kiln sheep. jus,
look at The progress, 4 minute. 1stly, n
Democrat; indy, u Know Nothing; 3lly.
Il carrct-baggcr; 4thly and lastly radi-
cal, writin' letters advocatin' niger sui:
frage to Dead Duck Forucy, who prints
1.-TWO newspapers. both, daily" Well.
We don't want this teller John, whose
tctber name is Carlislc--nor We don:
know anybody that does. The Democrats
won; huvc him; aud The RAIDS, through
General Northcot;, seem 70 desire to damn
lis prospects in this world MS bad as they
undoubtedly are in the next. But suli,
this Carlisie-tl.e hnuils 10 whose coz
non.cn is JOHN S..--wau;s to b. United
States Senator. Well We don't,!ink he'll
get it this time-aithough 10 toaIt lis
four CLAIMS fully entt!e him TO that or
any other Office he asks lor-tcxccpt the
Post Office at Clarksburg)-but then, hes
not our man, and he'll no; get it. lii.
our private cp;nion--wc shouldn't ike to
have sou tell anytoGy-tlat if some wan
lcring whale should swallow John up.
and after due time, spew him forth in
bosing llarbor, West Virginia would
have one less rogue, and the land of std.
dy habits and sic! an additional siar-ony
it would be a fearful hast dose on HE
rhoic!
~ the way, there's another Senator in
embryo. His name is Pol.ley, aud Borc.
mar calls him judge. We never beard
any doubt expressed as to his being good
judge Of whiskcy--tha;s generally ad-
mittcd--but that alone does not qualify
him for the situation. The Point Pleas.
ant RcgiS!cr says he's tic man, and we've
no doubt he is-for some places, but
hardly for Senator. He'd do heap bet.
Ter ut home. And besides. what qualif-
cations has le compared with our true
raiical-our boss drake-wc mean Carpet
Bag jim? A. the time of the p,cscn:
writing, VIC know q 10 charge Of muir.
.er, rape or robbery against this teller
Pol>icy, and ;lc idea of sending man
to the Senate TO represent the radical
party of West Virginia who has none ef
these necessary qualifications, is simply
prcpos;erous ind VIC have no doubt The
Judge and his supporters will soon see it
=. IL, I'll