The Shasta courier., 1868-08-15
. socia, Chat with an Undertaken.


ing city of-Mud Springs, we happened to
meet our old friend Locke, one of the princi-
pal undertakers of the place. He anxiously
inquired as to our general health, as usual,
and what we thought were the prospect of
cholera, smallpox or other mortal epidemics
visiting that locality soon, and next thing he
invited US to visit bis establishment, which
was near by, on the principal street. We
went with him. and he took us all through
the concern. The first floor at the street lev
Il seemed to be reception-room, where he
received company" as he said-mourners,
corpses, and funerals. On the shelves were
grave and coffin trimmings, mourning goods,
and large show-window in front was well
filled with handsomely finished cofins of va
rious sizes, Grape, mourning and
such like articles tastefully arranged The
second floor was his warehouse" Here
ghostly array of collins, tall, short, slim, and
stout stood on end against the wall, all
around the room. Collins on the floor cof-
fins in sacks, collins on trestles. coffins open,
cofns closed, all sorts of collins, cofins eyerv-
where.
Here" said Locke, "you see Pve got
coffns enough to bury half Mud Springs
It's the best assortment in the country, and
out of siGh a lot most any man, even the
most particular. oughter be able to select
satisfactory coffin for hisself Now, here's
one big enough and good enough for the Gov
ernor That lot there is Jest the fit for the
Mayor and Board of Aldermen. That me-
dunn sized, stout one will do for the County
Recorder that one next to it is jest right for
the District Attorney-he's slim, you know
and this ere would fit you, splendid Jest
you try it on now" 1.-The devil p' exclaim-
aH far kho col
low, he really meant business, +" have you
got cofins ready made for every one in
town." ''Well. p'raps not jest exactly that,
but keeps my eye on everybody's measure
ment, and when you came through the door
| looked past you at my scale marks on the
door casin', and got yer length to half an
inch you see yourns a bass-wood, pure BASS,
with cottage-roof kiyer and silver mettle
screws with heads-them's the style nova
days. You know a person amt nobody if
they don't keep up with the fashions. Style
is everything the old fashioned flush deck
kivers was more convenient, but nobody
wants 'em now Don't laugh eff you please,
sir, it's mighty solemn subject this bein'
buried, and people pays more attention to
hayin' it done properly now than they used
ter. Jest look at this ere layout, in the cor
ner. You couldn't understand it, so I'll tell
ver This is for them as likes to be tricked
out in good style but can't afford it-poor but
respectable, you know, and SO on. They
takes a stained pine, and this is the shell that
goes outside it's thin and light, you see.
and fits most any common-sized coffin it
looks like real black walnut, with silver
screws and plate, and is mighty consolin to
poor mourners who takes pride in their de-
ceased relatives. Here's the satin trimmins,
lace fixins, and all that sort Of thing, what
goes inside. lets these fancy arrangements
cheap, and they're used more'n you think for.
Now here's lovely coffin, of the latest
and best style, sich as men generally get for
their wives. Yes 'tisn't all wives that's bin
good enough to deserve havin' sich fine cof-
fins put onto 'em, but you know there's
plenty of men in the world who treat their
wives mighty mean and finally worry 'em to
death then they know it looks well in the
eyes of the world, and has good influence
over their future prospects, to put on a long
face and bury 'em, in good, handsome style.
Probably they're glad to get clear of 'em,
and think they can afford to go into a little
extravaganza on the occasion. There's
heap O. crocodile grief and humbuggery as
well as real mourning comes under my obser-
vation. Look at this 'ere casket, now
Weighs just three hundred pounds pure,
solid cast iron with plate glass top. Pleasure
to be buried in such casket as that; very
few kin afford it. Now jest come and let me
show you my manufacturin' room. Here's
where build 'em. This one, Just finished,
is for Mr.. Jones. He died this morning of
inflammation of the bowels, SO they say, you
know. He had DR.. Jollup, the very best
doctor in town. He's got big reputation
and brings me more business than any two
of the rest. He amt none of your homeo-
pathic pumbugs, what gives nothing but lit
tie chicken-feed pills, and amt no use to
to druggists and undertakers. He gives
medicine, he does medicine as has some eff
feet. Jones was a fine man, much esteemed
for his many excellent virtues and good quail
ties of mind and heart, by large circle of
warm friends who are left to mourn his loss
i believe that's the way you reporters al
ways word it. It's mighty astonishin amt
it, that the virtuous, and highly esteemed are
the only ones as ever dies. Anyhow it's so,
accordin' to all newspaper items. 'Twouldn t
make no difference if Jones had gone and
been a hoss thief all his life and euchred
everybody he coud-been the meanest kind
of Jeremy Diddler-if you reporters made
any special item of his death, you'd go on as
usual to say he was virtuous and highly es-
teemed. Wonder what you'd write about
Htc IL udpptu W u rdtQ-
er you'd lie about me in that case, and not
go to saying that died virtuous and highly
esteemed and lamented by large circle of
warm friends, but write great long string
about my always havin' an eye to business,
and goin' about stickin' my busines cards
under sick peoples doors, maxim cofin ms for
'em before they're dead, or happenin' round
just about the time they did die, so as to get
ahead of any other undertaken, if possible;
lookiR' smilin, like when had good Job
happiest only in a sckly season, and all that
sort of thing. you know. Oh no, reporters
never tell lies nor spin twistefs, not they
Iou would not, kno,c At the same time
(aside in low voice) if you should give me
nice little puff, you know, wouldn't mind
standing pretty good coffin on it.
F" Jones was a fine man. and leaves his wild
der S3O, 900, so she affords him rich genuine
black walnut. If could always have nv
way in the matter, I'd always suit the styie
OF wood to the character of the individual
I'd always bury rich people in black wal.
nut; misers in ignumvite lawyers in birds
maple, they'd have eyes on all sides of
,em, same as they had when alive; priests
Ia put sandal-wood actors in hemlock
ministers and deacons in pitch pine, cobblers
IN sumach. and old bachelors and old maids
In Oregon fir. which always grows-a tree
all TO itself with no branches clustering about
its straight uncompromising stem l would
nave cedar for farmers sycamore for old
1ogles; buckeye for grass Widders and sn.