Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1868-01-22
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Oysters.

AT a late hour one night the door oil
an oyster house in st. Louis was thrown
open and in stalked a hero from the
Sucker State (Illinois). He was quite
six feet high, square Countenancs, and
his hands pushed clear down to the bot
tom Of his breeches pockets. His outer
covering was hard to describe, but after
surveying it miuutely we concluded that
his suit had been made in bis boyhood.
of a dingy yellow linsey-wooIsey, and
that having sprouted up with rapidity,
he had been forced to piece it out with
air colors. In spite Of his exertions,
however, he had fallen in arrears about
a foot Of his natural length, and conse-
quently stuck that far through his mex
prossibles. His crop Of hair was sur
mounted BY the funniest little seal-skin
cap imaginable. After taking a position
he INDUCED in long stare at the mau
opening the bivalves, and slowly ejacu-
lated oysters 7
Yes, sir, and fines one too, respond
ed the attentive operator.
Well, I've heard of iysters afore,
but this is the first time I've seen 'em,
and perhaps l will know what they 'er
made Of afore | get out Of town."
Having expressed this desperate in
tention, he cautiously approached the
plate aud scrutinized the uncased shell
fish with gravity and interest which
would have done honor to the most IL
IustTious searcher into the mysteries Of
nature. At length he began to soliIo-
quizo upon the difficulty of getting them
out and how queer they looked when got
out.
4 never seed such things hold on so!
takes an amazin' sight of screwin',
hoss, to get 'em out, and amt they slick
and slippery when they does come
Smooth as an eel I've a good mind to
give that fellow a lodgin' just to realize
the effects, as uncle Jess used to say
about the speculation" "
We'll, sir, down with two bits, and
you can have a dozen"
"Two bits p exclaimed the Sucker
Sticking in on rite strong, hoss, for iys-
tiers A dozen on them amt nothin' to
a chicken, and there's no Citing more
than piece for them. I've only real
lied forty-fve picayunes on my first ven
ture to St. Louis. I'll tell you what
I'll gin you two chickens for a dozen, if
you'll conclude to deal"
A wag who was standing near by, in
dulging in a dozen, winked to the attend
ant to shell out, and the offer was ao-
cepted.
"Now mind" repeated the Sucker, 'all
fair-two chickens for q dozen-yere a
witness. mister'-turning at the same
time to the wag-'none of your tricks,
for I've heard that you city fellows are
mighty slippery cOons.
The bargain being fairly understood,
our Suckoy prepared himself for the
onset, deliberately put on his seal skin,
tucked up his sleeves, and fork in hand,
awaited the appearance Of No. l. ItI
came-he saw-and quickly it was bolt
ed.
A moments dreadful pause ensued.
The wag dropped bis knife and fork
with a look OF mingled amazement aud
horror-something akin to Shakespeare
Hamlet seeing his daddy's ghost-WhiIs
he burst into the exclamation
"Swallowed alive, by thunder1
Our Sucker hero had opened his
mouth with pleasure a minute before,
but now it stood open, Fear-a horrid
dread of he knew not what-a conscious
ness that all was not right, and ignorant
of the extent Of the wrong-tho uncer-
taiuty Of the moment was terrible. Urg-
ed to desperation, he faitered
What on airth is the row?'
Did you swallow it alive ? inquired
the wag.
L IswalIowed it just as he gin it to
me, roarcd the Sucker,
50 You're a dead man The creature
is alive, and will eat right through you,
said the anxious friend, hopelessly.
Git Pizen pump and pump it outl"
yelled the Sucker, in frenzy his eyes