Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1868-08-07
they are-perhaps you can pick out some
thing for Yourself"

L0lng lOT yourself.
Blessed be the Lord At twelve Smith
sank into the arms of Morpheus and slept
till three; but alas waking, begged for
his wife and wash-bowl Both were
forthcoming, as also the expected result.
The rest of the day till dark, the blinds
were opened and shut; the bottle of hot
water on and off duty; and Mrs. Smith
stayed by to see him be sick. About seven
in the evening he despairingly signifed
his wish to retire, adding:
II suppose, of course, you don't feel
sleepy at all?"
"N-o," said Mary, looking from the
window at a lovely moon that was just
rising. "No, not very"
"Well," said Smith; "don't come if
you don't want to, but can't sit up any
longer, and have an idea shall get to
Sleep"
So Mary went to bed with her bearded
baby.
A week had elapsed. Smith was in
good health and spirits. He could smoke.
The world wasn't charnel-house, after all.
Mary was fiat on her back with nervous
headache.
"Sick ?" asked Smith.
Shocking pain in my temples" said
Mary.
"What pity" answered Smith, pairing
his nails at the window without turning
his head cts going to be such a lovely
day--quite like spring. Have you the
least idea where my gray pants are?"
"No," said Mary. family, feeling for the
pillow. 81 think in the closet"
So-strange," said Smith, "about
those gray pants | don't think they've
worn very well-do you? And do you
know, Mary, about the milk bill, whether
it is right or not? And, by the way, did
my shoes come home last night and has
that man been to fix the front door?"
"My head aches SO bad" said Mary,
"that | can't remember anything Biddy
will tell you"
swell, I'm sorry for you," said Smith,
tying his cravat at the glass. "The very
best thing for you is to keep quiet, and I'll
take myself out of the way. Sleep is the
thing for you" So Smith put on his heav-
lest pair of boots and went all over the
house. and let the doors bang, and whistled
the" Stars and Stripes" and ate his break
fast, and then came up to her to discuss
the respective claims of pork and beef and
chicken for that days dinner, closing by
another recommendation to keep quiet
and not bother herself about anything.
"No BETTER" said Smith, reproachfully,
at six o'clock that evening; no better |?
/ thought you'd be well, certainly, by this
time, after days quiet" Quiet? She
had had the whole kitchen retinue after
her all day, asking more questions than
there are in the assembly's catechism; and
the front door bell ringing as if by order
of the fire department; but she had said
nothing at all about that; if she had,
Smith would have replied with that lordly
wave Of his hand with which men dispose
Of such matters, {" You souldn't allow such
tritles to trouble you"
"No better, then?" Smith inquired, as
if in gratitude to him he really deserved a
modification of her former reply" no bet
ter? Well, sleep, after all, is the best
thing; and, as l can't do any thing for
you, l think it is such lovely night that I
will stroll out awhile There, there"
patting the end of the blanket, ego to
sleep now." And close upon his retiring
heels she heard the laundering bang of
the front door.
After divers and many comparisons be-
tween male and female headaches, and the
seeming incongruity in the male mind of
the same course of treatment for both,
Mrs. Smith fell asleep, to be woke about
twelve by Smith, who thumped up stairs
in his boots, made a raid after the cork
screw in the closet, and particular tum-
bier of a particular shape he wanted in
connection with it; and advised her again
as to the efficacy of sleep in cases of fe-
male headache; then filled the house with
the nauseating fumes of tobacco at an
hour when it was impossible to air it.
Then-Smith went to bed and slept the
sleep of the just, with not glimmering g
of an idea that he was not the unselfshest
and lovingest of husbands. Indeed, had
his wife questioned it, he would have
pointed her to that column in the daily
papers where accounts are given of
husbands who make it practice to crack
their wives skulls once a week; and
placing his arms akimbo with stern look,
would have asked her with his nose close
to, her face "What if she had such a
husband as that ?"