The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-11-26
Where the Laugh Comes In

whIttIes the curbstone by holding his toes
in stick.
Edward Eden is requested, in New
York paper, to communicate with his
brother when he will hear of something
to his advantageous wife is dead.
"rwO things are essential to successful
preaching" says the Monthly Religious
Magazine; "frst to keep the audience
from sleeping secondly, to put something
into them when awake" ..
The question why printers do not sue
ceed as we'll az brewers is thus answered
"Because printers work for the head and
brewers for the stomach-and where twen-
ty men have stomachs but one has brains"
An Irish postbOy, having driven gen.
tleman long stage during torrents of
rain, was asked ii he was not wet. car
rah !! | wouldn't care about being so very
wet if wasn't 50 very d.y, yer honor"
An atheist fellow, during storm at
sea, concluded prayer with the follow
ing words 80, Lord, [ beseeoh Thee to
hear my prayer at this time, for thou
knowest trouble Thee but seldom"
A thoughtful and provident old gen
tleman is going to get his life insured,
$50 that when he dies he can have some
thing to live on, and not be dependent on
the cold charities of the world as he once
was"
A married man should insure his life,
for many reasons. First, it will be
great help to your wife's second husband
MAY be the means of starting him in
business. And then if you are insured
and die, you will be mourned-by the in
surance company.
81 wish l had your head" said lady
one day to gentleman who had solved
for her knotty point. Sand 1 wish I
had your heart" was his reply. "Wcll,"
said she, "snce your head and my heart
can agree, don't see why they should
not 60 into partnership" And they did,
At recent election in Prague, speak
er, in proposing the candidate of the b.
hemian Central Committee, concluded as
follows: Snow, every one Of you take "a
ballot and shilling. Those who are in
favor of B. will put their ballots in the
box; those who are opposed will put in
their shilling" Result: Unanimous elec-
tion of B.
"What did you come here afterl" in
quired miss of a bachelor friend who
made her a call when the rest of the folks
were gone out during the holidays. 81
came to borrow some matches" he meekly
replied. "Matches that's likely story.
Why don't you make match I know
what you came for" exclaimed the de,
lighted miss, as she crowded the old bach
elor into corner "you came to hug and
kiss me almost to death, but you shan't
unless you are the strongest, and l know
you are" ....... .....
A case of assault and battery was stat
ed and pleaded in this wise: Mrs. Kinney:
"This is just how it was. I was going
down the street, and meeting Mrs. Malloy,
Good morning, says [, Good morning.,
says she. 'How is the children p says I,
'Well', says she 'And how is it wild yer
selfP 'Pret fAir,' says l. 'Pray, Mrs.
Malloy,' says |, 'an' vot is it yer have in
the basket p sSchmelt,' says she.
'Schmelt,' says /, 'they sthiuk,' says [.
you lie,' says she. sWhoop,' says L.
'Vat,' says she. And with that she gave
me a batter over the head, and | dropped
all me fish," ru. bn sa. a#aI--.a
1t is related of certain minister, of
Maine, who was noted for his long SER
mons, with many divisions, that one day
when he was advancing among the teens,
he reached, at RNgth, kind of resting
place in his discourse, when, pausing to
take breath, he asked the question: "And
what shall say morel" A voice from
the congregation responded, "Say Amenm
La Vie Harisienne cleverly burlesques
the pSecocious little girls of Paris. Among
other good hits it publishes the following:
"rhree little girls playing ladies: Good
morning madame 'fIow, do you do p
slave you any children, madame?' 'No,
madame, not yet and You, madamep 'Oh,
madame, / had three the first year. DO
you nurse your children at your own
breast, madamel' 2 'My God, madame, |
Suckled the first one, but it exhausted me
so much that my husband did not want
me to continue. He then suckled the
others.'" hs.-.tar ,.a tst.,. .rs,.
ts"Can you tell me where Jake ,Kleinfel-
ter livesl" eyes, sir. Do you see our
barn down therel Go to that. About
three hundred yards beyond the barn You
will find a lane., Take that lane and
follow along about "a mile and half.
Then you will come to branch. Go up
that branch about mile aud a quarter;
and then you will come to slippery-elm
log. You be mighty keerful, stranger,
about going onthat log; you may get into
the branch and then You go on until you
get to the brow of the hill, and there the
roads preyaricate. and then Won take the