The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1868-01-25
The EsHchcEOr,s EscnDc.

II there ever was fore-ordaiucd
i achelor, that man was Major Teller
Some men are born 10 old bachelorhood
Others have old bachelorhood thrust
upon them; and to the former class be-
lOuged the Major. You could have
picked him out in multitude ; If he
had been labelled. like an antedeluvian
fossil or dried specimen Of etymology,
there could not have been more certain
" in the matter.
} He was dappcr, thin Little man,
something under five feet high, with "A
glossy black wiz, closely trimmed side
whiskers and costume so daintily neat
chat he reminded you Of shining black
, sat He took Turkish bath in the
morning, and Russian bath in the
evening; he came home to dinner at
twelve precisely, and went to he'd at
eleven at nj ght, his boots standing at
the foot of his bed, and his stockings at
the head, and his wig eloratcI on the
gas fixture, and every chair in the room
standing at right angles with the wall !!
1t was high noon on sparkling win
dy, March day when Major Teller came
home to the antique, dowu-tow board-
ing house, where he had vege;atel for
the last twenty years, and went to ms
ewn room to brush his wig for the mid
day meal. Opening the door he stun.
oled over an obstacle that was in the
way.
"OL, | beg yoa; pardon, I'm sure"
said the Major, turning very red, recov-
eriug his footing with difficulty.
1t was Misc Patience pittigrew on
her hands oni knees, cleaning off the
oil cloth at the door
Now the Major was afraid Of Miss
Patience-atraid of her as the plump
lamb fears the gaunt wolf, or the unot,
Tending robin the dire serpent. Miss
Patience was tail, lean and salow, but
she curled her hair, and wore an artif.
oial rose over her left ear, and sang
with whistling tones to a little spindle,
legged piano, aud firmly believed that
\ she on y waited little while longer
he should get married to somebody
and because the Major sat opposite to
.er at the table-Miss Patience helped
her widowed sister "keep house." and
served out the gravy aud saucos-aDd
regarded her artificial rose and bears
grease curl with sort of iearfal fasciua.
ton, Mis- Patience somehow opined that
she should one day, Cupid willing, be-
cone Mrs. Major Teller.
Its of no consequence, Major said
Miss Patience, recovering her piece of
aoap which had skirmished out to the
middle of the carpet. + hopo your fire
isn't out
Thank you, ma'am, it is very good
II do wonder, Major, said Miss Pa
fience, with premOnitory gigsle, why
you never get married !?
The Major retired procipitatoly be-
hiRd the coal scuttle, and made no re,
.ply.
Wy ou'd be so much more comfortable,
b know" added Miss Patience, wiring,
* out her woollen cloth ard looking so
. k;Egly on the Major that he rotreated
still further into his wardrobe, where
amoEg the Swinging eHigiea Of coats and
trowsers he felt comparatively safe.
Miss Patience hesitated a moment.
aRd IN that moment the Major felt all
the aEtieipatory agonies of being pur-
sued, captured, brought forth, and pos,
sibly married before he could get breath
to remoAstrate, But she fually took up
aer hail aRd vanished.
Dear me, that was a narrow escape,
thought cur hero, emerging from his
sanctuary. Some day she'll be FOO
much for me. Perhaps I'd better change
my boarding place. Yes-that will be
the only safety, [ suppose l couldn't
very we'll have her sworn over to keep
the peace, and, really, there's no saying
S7hat a determined woman Of fifty may
not do. III look out for a new place
..o-morrow.
Dear me, Major, you have no appe-
Eite,' said Miss Patience, swectly, at the
dinner table.
NO ma'anI, said the Major,
Try to eat a little-just to please me,
Major
No, | thank you, mn am
'pon't you know, Major, that people |