The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1868-02-15
Varieties.

peared the next morning among the smoking
ruins of his place of business to plant thereon
this sign: "Ph@nxl Removed to No. 80 South
Water street, on account of the intense heatp
His pluck was greeted with the cheers of a
multitude of spectators.
The Governor, State officers and Legisla-
ture of Minnesota, have accepted an invita-
ton from the Governor and Legislature of
Wisconsin, a. Madison, to pay them friendly
Tisit y -.
"A Northern man attending an auction
sale in Georgia thoughtlessly bid S5l FOX 40
acres of land, and it was krocked down to
him. He wants to sell it now. a.r..
The Philadelphia Star prints q crazy sto-
ry. that there is . plot afoot among the Knights
of the Golden Circle to assasSnate Secretary
Stanton. There is far more probability OF
their assassinating Gen. Grant. H-..
Thursday morning, as a clerk in Syra-
cuse drug store entered tho liquor cellar for
the purpose of drawing some liquor, he dis
covered large rat standing on his hind legs,
drinking whiskey as it dropped from faucet
that had not been properly closed As he
neared the rat 1t made very awkward effort
to escape, but he reeled and staggered like a
drunken man. The clerk, pleased with5the
comical predicament of the unfortunate "ani-
NAL" allowed him, after several zigzag move
ments, to cnter his hole The rat is suppot ed
to belong TO the F. L. LIS.
"A dfident bachelor friend OF ours has
read with great interest aud satisfaction the
declaration of Mrs. Elizabeth Oakes Smith In
the Herald of Health that women are hereaf-
ter TO do the courting. He want, to know
when they are going to begin.
-Bismarck Is going TO make the tour of
Europe. If be viii extend his travels to this
country he can be lionissd to his hearts con-
tent.
after tasting some olives, wanted to whip tho
waiter for pouring salt water on "them plums" I"
An exchange travesties the popular stylo
of giving the origin of great men thus: "wiI-
liam Smith was the son OF his mother. This
party's grandmother is deceased. she was a
woman" John Brown was the son OF o.d
Brown. The body of the latter lies mouider-
iug in the grave" Edward Brown was ths
son Of old Brown by particular friend"
William Cannon was the son of gun"
John Jones was Son of Temperance"
@Previous to the age OF eighty five, Caleb
Jones had never given any evidence of tx.
traordiuary ability. He has never given any
since" "Patrick Murphy is said TO be OF IIish
extraction" A .ra., st3--f
"A specific against falling on ice may be
found in the old penitential recipe: sackcloth
and ashes; sackclcth for the soles and ashes
for the streets hfl FAa l-F3 -f7-a -Af
AN exchange takes the fact that Dickens
called on President johnson as positive proof
that the great author isn't proud
General Grant has re bought the farm
near st. Louis, which he used to cultivate
"A. 81. H. Stuart has Just been made Pres.
ident of the First National Bank of Staunton.
-Guerilla Mosby is acting as agent Of an
Emigration company organized to populate
Virginia.
The Fort Saunders (Nebraska) Index save
that regiment of one thousand Indians Is
raising for service against the hostile Indians
on the frontier. The regiment viii be COM
posed principally of Pawnees Winnebagoes
and Omahas.
Governor Pease, of Texas, aflrms that
more than ono hundred homicidec have been
committed in Texas during the last twelve
months. st
The women of Waukon, Iowa, have just
cleaned out" the saloons where the male gem
der spent time and money and got ftiddlsd.
This New Dominion" has q new vocabu-
larry. The people call sliding down hill, "tobo-
gaming" The etymolosists are a. work on tho
word. -...-.. ..-
Grave suspicion is thrown upon the cablo
dispatch stating that the Fenians have blown
up 'the gates of Cork" The trouble about
the matter is that Cork has no gates.
"A municipal election Is pending in Cairo.
The Democrat Gays: The ak candidates for
the Office of City Clerk are making fight that
is really interesting. They are so constantly
appreheDsiye that some one will see them
when their countenauces are not wreathed In
smiles, that there is not ole of them that viii
no. smile at a COW and grin most fascinatngH
at any voters watch dog. And the candidates
for the office OF City Treasurer, fiye in nrm-
ber, are very clever gentlemen who will chase
voter around an entire block TO ask him-hOw
his baby's measles are, or to ascertain If 1t
isn't about the time of day he ordinarily tax 9
his lager.
They know how to dispose Of the surplus
population in Pennsylvania; seven men and
"iio NUhhu wore uuIS lu>t year.
An exchange thinks it makes very little
difference nowadays whether man wears
boots or shoes, as they will be sure to turn into
slippers before the day is over.
Freddy, fair-haired youngster of four
summers, the other day, after being for somO
time lost in thought, broke out thus: "Pa, can
God do anythiug?" Eyes, dear" Can he make
a two-year old colt in two minutes?" "Why,
he would not wish to do that Freddy" "But,
If he did wish to, could hep" "Yes, certainly,
if he wished to-" "What in two minutes?"
"Yes, in two minutes" swell, then, the co.'s
wouldn't be two years old, would hep"
I'm Bates county, Missouri, lady who had
been divorced from her husband on account OF
"incompstibility, has again fallen in love
with him o nd remarked him.
"A young man confined in French prison
bas developed such remarkable genius for me
chaneal invention, that endeavors are in pro-
gress for his liberation. He recently made
straw watch, two and half inches in diane
ter, which keeps perfect time.
1t is said that wild pigeon has been Shot
in Switzerland which had nice bandagc OF
leaves carefully covering an old wound. This
IA perhaps the first instance known of pigeo1
surgery.
In the annals OF drinking nothing can ex-
coed a remarkable bowl Of punch that was
made in England in 1854. 1t was in a 10 intain
in u garden in the middle of four walks, oover-
ed overhead W tn orange and lemon trees, and
in every walk was table, the whole len. tn OF
it, covered with cold collations, etc. In tho
fountain were the following ingredients Four
hogsheads of brandy, twenty-five thousand
lemons, twenty gallons of lime juice, one thou
sand three hundred weight OF tne Waite LIS
bon sugar, thirty-one pounds grated nntnlegs
and one pipe of dry mountain Malaga. Over
.he fountain was large canopy 10 keep off tho
rain and there was built on purpose littls
hoot wherein was boy, who rowed round tho
co,ntaip aud filed the cups for the company,
and in all probability more than six thousand
men drank thereof.
Miss Kate Field has prepared a punRent
little book with the title OF "Peu Photograph
OF Charles Dickens's Readings" which will bs
published IN few days.
The Arkansas papers talk OF hanging
Greeley, II he comes down there to Lecture ~
cheerfulls as they used TO in the good Old times
when they actually did such things