The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1868-01-18
,t8uDget Of :fnn.

.sJJ0WOHet 0t jim.
,Alady of more wealth than culture applied at
aBoston bookstore recently for Dickens novel,
'Dsvid Copperhead." t
A musical dog in New Albany, Ind, plays ON
piano and bowls. So does young lady living
next door.
The New Orleans Times designates the Southern
population "plain and colorcd."
'NOminate your poison is the last expression
in lieu of the matter-of-fact "Ghat viii you have
to drink Z" .ttt..t,. .....
A drunkard's face has been described as
''cluster of carbuncles with ruby scenter'
Why are hot Buckwhcat cakes like caterpillars2
Because they are the "srub" that makes the
"bntterhy'
Ladies at the present time have more lives
than cat, for each night they shuttle off the
mortal COLL
Won't you shorten your life minute or two."
has been substituted at Central City for the usual
lnterrogatory when friend asks another to
imbibe.
A young gentleman accused lady Of his
acquaintance with having broken his peace of
mind. She in turn gave him piece of her mind
but ne did not consider the donation as a sub
stitute.
The most laconic will on record is that of
man who died in 1869. 1t runs thus i shave
nothing; owe great deal; the rest give to
the poor" 49,. -.......
A Dutch woman desired TO advertise her pony
which had ''losht herself NIT tail friskey, yer
mooch, and stryke verhard nit his behind fists"
The tence OF graveyard in Richmond, Ind,
bears an inscription in large white letters "Use
"'s bitters if you would keep out of here"
A Mississippi editor hoists the following plat
form and proposes to stand by it "No conven
vsntion-ho candidates-no election-no moth
ing"
Boston paper ventures the opinion that the
beet sugar is rs good as the cane sugar, because
the difference between beating and Gaming is
merely nominal
The people of Boston have all been humbugged.
They went expecting to hear Charles Dickens,
but they heard Charles Reade.
Ladies are like watches-pretty enough, to
look at-sweet faces and delicate hands but
somewhat difficult to regulate" after they are
set going. fFt3a5EH
Precocious girl that, who took as the theme of
her graduating essay at fashionable seminary,
''The education OF our boys" e-.fr e.4F.r
"Capital weather, Mr.. Jones, capital weather.
Ny wifes got such bad cold she can't speak. I
like such weather.
A human d.nkey at Chicago was staring at
mans wife tho other evening with s lorgnette,
when the married man took the card Taken"
which lay 4 reserved seat nes.r by, and held it
UP before hi. wife Donkey looked no more.
"Wen jim, now aid youmake Il down South"
First rate made plenty of money.
what did you de with II :"
Ibid II out in houses and lots
.sWhere ~ gEF #H#t IF
"Every place have been where there were
some
What kind OF house. and lots 2"
"Coffee houses and lots of whisky"
A green academy student being required to
write composition in his regular course Of study.
commenced thus 1T is rather difficult and
pretty near impossible % communicate TO Others
those ideas whereof we are not ourselves in pos
session Of.
Mr.. Quilp, who is an monumental traveller,
tried the Camden 4 Amboy sleeping few
nights -inee. and confessed that during the night
great many things came into his head
Immediately on NJ Du Cbaillu's arrival in
New York, week or more since, he received
note from L. 7. Barnum, as follows: .'Sir: Ny
gorilla ha. long tail. Yours have short tails
therefore mine is greater than yours. Come and
see my gorilla"
Jinks and an acquaintance were on the beach
together the other Gay and heard the screaming
and Cycling Of some young ladies who were pre-.
pairing to battle in the surf links friend asked
what occasioned much noise in the bath house.
-Oh,T replied jerks, Z" it is only SEINE bellies
peeling."
In relating painful accident, whereby
young lady was drowned, a Connecticut paper
gravely states: ut is said that Mr.. Ward got
hold OF her hair, but that it so securely fast
ened he was unable to retain his hold"