The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1868-01-08
Il. f. b.

~ il el{y A.
The Norfolk Virginian publishes the fol-
lowing amusing burles4ue gotten up in honor
of the visit Of . distinguished .ex-oficer OF
the United States Army, who had gone With
a party to explore the Dismal Swamp. "a
| GREAT MEETING OF SILVER Srooys,
Forks AND SILVER WARE CENTRALLY
RESOLUTIONS, SPEECHES, &c.-The Spoons,
Forks and other articles Of Silver Ware in
the city Of Norfolk, held meeting on Sun day
evening, in which the Committee ON Public
Safety reported the following preamble and
resolutions as expressive Of tie objects Of the
Convention !: 1'43 s' ApsEost 9as
Whereas, weare reliably informed thatthe
immortal hero, B. T. b., has arriyed.in Nor.
folk, with his eyes ingeniously adjusted to
look two ways at once and
Whereas. it is reasonable to suppose that
he meditates disturbing our domestic tram
guilty, and breaking up our family relations
and
Whereas, under these circumstances itTLc-
comes our duty to provide for our own safe
ty, and that Of our family; therefore be *,
Resolved, That the presence of B. f. g.,
in Norfolk furnishes us a warning which we
should not disregard. s3.'a -lsIazse sC
Resolved, That the best way in which this
danger should be avoided is taught in the
campaigns of B. +. B. himself.
Resolved, That acting on hints thus furn-
ished, we Recommend immediate flight and
concealment sasa IL ~ vs,r75 !, $3.50.
A jingle of appreciation ran around the
hall as the chairman concluded his report
When this subsidized, massive Punch Ladle
arose and addressed the chair The Ladle
said that it approved the report fully; it lcok-
cd around the assembly and missed many ia.
miliar pieces Of plate it heard from ali parts
of the country that B. Il. T.. had an, inexora-
bic animosity against spoons, which he crust
ly tortured over a fire, and reduced to the ia.
terior condition of ingots [applause
"Yes, Mr.. Chairman" continued the Ia
die, ayes, understand that butlerixatieu
and vulcanization are Synonymous TERMS
[ Applause. The question as to how ws
shall escape SO dreadful a fate has been, well
met by the committee. [Sensation
1T only remains for US to decide what
method we shall elect. For my own parthE
prefer to be buried at midnight in an obscure
corner"
The Ladle then moved the adoption of tho
report Of the Committee of Safety.
The motion was seconded BY large and
battered Tea Pot. The Pot concurred In
Ill that had been said byits friead, the L.
lle. 1t spoke by experience, having remain
ed whole year in the Northeast corner r' Of
. capacious cistern. It's present battered con-
aition was to be attributed to that fact bat
it thanked heaven it had escaped the perils
Of cold water and B., f. B, combined, aud
trusted that its friends then present would DO
equally fortunate. ,IApplause.1 s. ''''' v
At this moment a bran-new Spoon that
giittcred like meonbeam, ran i aGo the hill
and cried out, Il saw cross-eycd man con-
ing this way ssaigH ajai2 9'l .o;dO u
A sudden cla.ter shook the room. Ladies'.
Spoons, Forks, .Tea7trays, Salvers, Urps,
Butter knives, Dishes, and thousand other
articles sprang to their feet in the widest
confusion and bolted for the door vi ssn
During the night an extraordinary seuies
Of plumps iuto ,neighboring cis.erns .wassre-
marked on by the watchmen, and it is sap
posed that the entire supply of domestie; ssil-
yer in Norfolk has betaken itself to those cid
familiar tan haunts as q wise precaution against
our distinguished uisitor." 1'1 e'2'S'-s9f
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