Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1868-02-18
HU MORO,Us.
From the Logan co., Gazette:
Papers on the. Issues of the Day.

riean, thereunto appertaining, who kept say
ing all the time, "Oh, I'm SO clad! never
was so glad in all my life - Whereupon an
other person Intercepted him as follows, to
wit: Says he, "What makes you so glad, Mr..
Snow ?' To which the latter replied, ooh,
I'm so glad that Tn. a lining"
At this bit of pleasantly Mrs Melhorue
laughed, immoderately. Rallying at length,
she begged pardon, and responded that she
couldn't imagine what the undersigned was
trying to illustrate by the above narrative.
SAYS l. the Democratic victories of Octo-
Der and November, together with the true
hater'ng prospects for the mighty future.
have made me glad that / living too
They repay me. says L. foriall my toll.
This opened the way. for discussion of
same of the issues which are now agitating
tie public mind, and Mrs. Mehorne took ad-
vantage thereof to draw me out relative to
the pul chase Of the Danish West Indin Is
lands.
Irepred with much. ability stating that
the enterprise met with yyc0rdal approha>
ton. Says L, The undersigned is the origin
,rfpyop,ietor of The scheme, 1 don't care
anything about the Islands themselves. says
] !; but we need. the accompanying earth~
quakes.
You ought to lave seen What an expression
to the countenance of Mrs. Melhorne.
'Earrhquakes!" says she, 'what in the
name of conscience do you want with earth
quakes?"
replied, stating that when our country
was first settled, the unsophisticated pioneers
supposed that the ague would do all the shak-
ing that would be needed. Time has proved
the delusveness of this expectation, and de.
nonstrated the necessity for something mere
potent. We must have supply Of earth
quakes, regardless of expense. Any amount
of rough shaking is wanted at this time.
An earthquake that would shake the hoops
from barrels of bcnzine, and smash an extern
sive variety Of glassware, would exercise a
very wholesome influence upon society. With
one of the earliest of these commissions, it
would be well to open gaps in the earth in
few localities so as to swallow Purson Brown
low. Jim Ashley and Petroleum V. Nasty,
preliminary warning to scoundrels and fools.
For the benefit of future aniquarians, etc,
l would suggest little extra violence in tie
Immediate vicinity of Obcrn likewise of
Xena and Aberdeen. Then there is another
town justacr the Muskingum from Marietta,
hy the name of Harmar, that ought to be
manured with its inhabitants and set in grass.
These four towns, I am well satisfied, would
cmbelsh the bowels of the earth more than
they do its surince. If they were gobbled
up by an able and discrimination earthquake,
and allowed to remain for about 400 years,
/ don't think it would do any harm to dig
up what would be left OF them (simi!ar to
'HercuIamcum and Pompeii. y and exhibit the
same in Baruum's museum for the amusement
of a grcrtcfu prnsteriiy.
Mrs. N":hnrn, having By this time caught
the drift at my argument entered into the
s;,iri; thereof with much enthusiasm, at the
same time lending me her truly able coOpera-
ton in arranging the details of the scheme
Says she, Il think if large portion of tile
clergy WAS Jared in suitable manner. the
price Of sheep-pels would decline about 80
per cent. The wolf" she continued. sis an
extra mean animal any way you may take him;
but when lie crawls into sheepskin and goes
a bowling in disguise, don't hardly see how
the Devil can run his subterraneau chebang
without him."
replied with emphasis, says "the Devil
can attend to his own business in his own
dominious. lie has dead sure thing down
there But here on the earth, where he looks
exclusively for his raw material, and where
there is sill feeble show OF oppression to
his authority, is where he can use his best
inventions with the most success"
After moments hesitation. during which
the whole scene passed in rapid review before
my now fully aroused intellect) says |, II
think see in the purchase of the aforesaid
islands, the only possible solution, perhaps, of
financial difficulties. My plan would be sub
etantially as follows, to wit: Take, say three
or four the most robustious earthquakes to be
found in our assortment. consolidate them all
into one gigantic scheme. and give them the
job of shaking off the public debt at all
hazards!
CHANGING my eye over toward where Mrs.
NJ. was sitting. and perceiving that she
engaged in taking notes of my remarks, (to
incorporate into her forthcoming book went
right ahead, and says I, for the radical
party. it wouldn't pay to shake that any more.
It's doing its own shaking satisfactorily
enough, similar to three shakes of dead
sleeps tail"
Mrs. NJ. after indulging in hearty laugh
at the quaint illustration which the under
signed had brought into requisition, avaled
herself of the opportunity to be heard, and
says she, ''what you have Just said is too true.
There isn't hardly enough of the radical par
ty LETT at this time to howl its own requiem
If there ia, its high time for the bowling to |
begin. 1 would therefore recommend the
following to the disconsolate muse thereof:
'Oh the death of my poor children,
Oh the death that they did die:
Some got drunk. and some got drownded
And got chosed on niger pic.'
After the applause had partially subsidized, |
the undersigned rallied, and says l. (not wish
ing to wantonly wound the feelings of the |
sorrowing survivors) if about 1850 of them
had got choked or years ago with about
l feet of good honest rope. the Devil wouldn't
be in half as fourishing condition as he is
at present. But candor compcls me to admit
that the Devil is entitled to considerable ere
dit, for the truly satisfactory manner in which
he has been disposing of the radical party
since he played it out"