Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1868-01-29
W0MAN-"MARK TWAIN OpIN-
l2 ION OF HER. @ g-

At the annual banquet of the Wash
laSton Correspondents Club, held on the
lth inst, the Star reports the twelfth
toast as follows ..do:1e s.Hefsaeaaa .
''W oman the Pride OF. the Professions
ahd the Jewel Of ours" was responded to
by Mr., Clemens, better known as MARX
FTHain."- a"ia G@.at IS a4
Mr.. Twain remarked as follows:
Mr. Presideht-~'I do not not know
Why should be singled out to receive
the greatest distinction Of the evening
for SO the Office Of replying to the toast to
women has been regarded in every age
Applause ! [ do not know why have
received this distinction, unless it be that
| am triae less homely than the other
members ef the club. But, be this as it
may, Mr.. President, [ am proud Of the
position, and you could not have chosen
any one who would have accepted it more
gladly. or laborcd with a heartier good
will to do the subject justice, than [.
/" Because, sir: [ love the sex" (I.augf
ter. [ love all the women, sir, lrIespec-
tive Of age or color. Laughter.
Human intelligence cannot estimate
what we owe to women, sir. She, sews on
our buttons, [laughter]; she mends our
clothes, [laughter she ropes US ia t
the Church Fairs she confdes in US
she tells US whatever she can fnd out
about the little private affairs of the
neighbors !; sho gives US good advice. =
and plenty of it; she gives US piece of
Ler mind .solnetimes-an sometimes ali
OF 1t; she soothes our aching brows; she
bears our children-ours, as general
thing. In allthe relations of life, sir, it
Is but just, and a graceful tribute to wo-
man, to FAY of her she is brick. CGreat
laughter a5 IS j. ta9.e> r e.aaa.a
+ Wheresoerer you place woman, slr--in
whatsoever position or :estate--she is am
ornament to that place she occupies, and
a treasure to the world. Here Mr.
Twain paused, looked inquiringly at his
bearers, and remarked that the applause
should come In at this point. 1t came in
Mr. Twain resumed his eulogy.] Look
at the noble names of history Look at
Cleopatra look At Desdemona look
at Florence Nigh ingale look at Joan
of Arc look at aLucretia Borgis
['Disapprobation e3pressed.l ["W ell,"
said Mr.. Twain, scratching his head
doubtfully, suppose We let Lucretia
slide, = II Look at Joyce Heath look at
Mother Eve Is Cries of "Oh"l You
need not look at her unless you want to,
but, (said Mr. Twain, refectively after
a pauseO Eve was ornamental sir, par
ticuIarly before the fashions changed !
repeat, Sir, look at the illusbrious names
of history! Look atthe Widow Machree!
look at Luck Stone!--look at Elizabeth
Cady Stanton look at George Francis
Train? Great laug ter. Aud, sir, [
say it with bowed head and deepest ven
GRAFTON, look at the Mother of Washing
ton! She raised boy that could not lie
could not lie Applause But he
never had any chance. [Oh !! Oh!] It
IN chit have been different if he belonged
to Newspaper Correspondents Club.
Laughter. groans, hisses, and cries of
put him out" Mark looked round
pleasantly upon his excited audience and
resumed 9a
| repeat, sir, that in whatever position
you place woman she is an ornament to
society and treasure to the world. AS
a sweetheart she has few equals and no
superiors [laughter] as a cousin she is
convenient; as q wealthy grandmother,
with an incurable .distemper, she is pre-
cious as wet nurse she has no equal
among men Laughter,
What, sir, would the people ofothe
earth be without woman h. They would
be scarce, sir, almighty scarce Then
let US cherish her, let us protect her, let
us. give her our support, our sympathy,
ourselves, five get chance. Laugh
ter. na#a7a. eH.. am
But, jesting aside, Mr.. President, wo-
man is lovable, gracious, kind of heart,
beautiful, worthy of all respect, of all
esteem, of all deference Not any here
will refuse to drink her health light cor
daily in this bumper of wine, for each
and every one of us has personally known,
and loved, and honored the very best one
of them alI-his own mother Applause. ]