The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1868-03-12

thought, in 1910, to write over member
of Parliament named White:
Here lies John, burning, shining light,
Whose name, life, actions all alike were White y
The following would be set down az
Irish, but we believe may claim Saxon
origin:
7" All, cruel Death! Why SO unkind,
To take her and leave me behind?
Better to have taken both neither,
1t would have been more kind to the survivor -
But of the following there can be no
mistake.
I" Under this stone lie two babies dear,
One is buried in Connaugbt, and the other here. 81
We have always felt satisfied that that
most delicious of all epitaphs which cele.
brates the virtues of Lady O'Looney
must have been composed by her conf.
dental maid:
6 Here lies Lady O'Looney,
Great niece of Burke, commonly called THE
She was bland, passionate, and deeply religious
Also she painted in water-colors,
And sent several pictures to the Exhibition.
She was first cousin of Lady Jones.
And of such is the Kingdom of Heavenl''
Shall we class among the Intentionally
or unintentionally grotesque epitaphs the
following, composed by three Scotch
friends, to whom the person commend
rated had left legacy, with the hope ex.
pressed that they would honor him by
some record Of their regrets? The first
friend composed the line which naturally
opened the epitaph:
" Provost Peter Patterson was Provost of Dundee,
The second added:
Provost Peter Patterson, here lies he,
The third could suggest no other conclu,
sion than
"Hallelujahi Hallelujee!"
tha fell An{
to the bereaved widower:
6 Here lies the body of Mary Ford,
Whose soul, we trust. is with the Lord;
But if for hell she's changed this life,
II is better than being John Ford's wife,"
There are de par ze monde number Of
epitaphs the absurdity of which consists
in the substitution of wrong name fol
the deceased person, to accommodate the
exigencies of the poet. One of them runs
thus:
"Underneath this ancientpew,
Lie the remains of jonathan Blue,
His name was Black, but that would Mt do"
And another:
" Underneath this stone aged threescore and ten,
Lie the remains of William Wood-hen
(F0r Hen. read Cookbook would MT come In
rhyme.)
We confess we are sceptical about the
authenticity Of these various readings
No doubts, however, attach to the sweet
agricultural simplicity which breathes
through the following:
IS Here lies. and no wonder I'm dead,
For the wheel OF wagon went over my head
A very facetious story is told in some
quarters of pauper, who having died in
wOrkhouse, was to be buried in the most
economical fashion. The master proposed
to inscribe over his tombstone
"Thomas Thorps,
His corps.'
The guardians at the next meeting of the
board Indignantly forbade such profigate
expenditure of the rates, and ordered the
epitaph to be curtailed thus:
''Thorps'
Corpse
The 1.arrators of this arecdote are grossly
ignorant of Poor-law management Any
tombstone, or any epitaph whatever for q
pauper, would never have been dreamed
Of by either master or guardians.
After all these ridiculous Instances OF
grotesque epitaphs, we have no heart to
speak of the remaining class of mortu.
airy inscriptions,-the few, the very few
in English, which are really good; good
either as poetry, or because their directness
and simplicity make them affecting.
Certainly we cannot class with either oil
these the last we shall quote, g. real epitaph,
and whole satire too:
Sc He lived and died a true Christian,
He loved his friends and hated his enemies >