Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1868-12-11
Natural HistOry-snails, Angle Worms,
and Treetuds.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

Snals are kind of amphibious oys-
tiers, born on land of respectable parents
but able 10 live for time under water,
if circumstances seem to require it.
They live in an earthen house, not un
like in design, freman's cap.
Thare is two kinds of snails, the hard
shell and the soft shell. The soft shell
resembles a piece of calf's liver, cut
rounding and gifted with crawl.
This calm and innocent crtter IL Nv no
moral and phisikal power, not az we
know NV, and if it wuzn't for the miste
rious knowledge of Providence, "who
doeth all things well, it would make a
foreordained Yankee sweat tew guess jst
what they was dedicated tew
In sum forrin parts they are ct for
food, but it would take great deal nv
pepper sass tew lokate them in mi stun.
mick and keep them thare.
The soft snail IL a slippery cuss. free
from bores, and slo gated, travelling
about six inches in cool day, and
makes it his home WHARF things are
damp.
Thay arc ov sweet disposition and
don't get mad and tear up the morning
paper if things don't happen tew be jist
so.
Thay liv on what would otherwise be
wasted, which speaks well fer the econo-
omy ov the snail.
The hard shell snail seldom leaves
home, and when thay dew, thay don't
lock up their house and put the key un-
der the doormat, but take their house
with them Oh their back. Thare IL no
house big enuff for snails; the snais
understand this, and don't take enybody
tew board with them and kick up muss-
eS.
Awl animals are sound on this identi-
kal gooser; thay don't never bid house
that thay kant fill.
Here endeth the natral snail.
4
Angleworms are oy arth, arthy, and
crawl for living. They liv in rich
ground; ground that won't raize angle
worms won't raize emmy thing else, and
where angleworms rejoice, corn is sure
to be bully. If w want your angle
worms ov emmy size, you manure your
sile. There amt nothin on arth more mis-
cradle tew ponder over and weep about
than half-staryed angleworm. Angle
worms are a sure crop on good sile, and
handy tcw hoe, for they plant and har-
vest themselfs. They don't take up much
room in the ground, and are ca kind to
children ez piece of red tape.
1t IL sed by the naturalists that angle
worm lie, rubbed on the rear of the neck,
will kure man of the lies. | don't be-
lioye this, unless it kills the man. Death
il the only reliable heal for.ieing that has
bin discovered yet.
When Icing gets into mans blood,
the only way to get it out is to drain
him dry.
Angleworms are used az an article of
diet to keith fish with; they are handy
tew put onto hook, and handy to take
oph, az emmy body knows, who has strad-
died saw log and fshed for daice all
day long Sunday in mill pond.
Old fishermen alwus carry their worms
in their mouth.
Angleworms live in a round hole,
which they fit like gmlet, and are diff
ferent from all other creeps that | know
ov, for they alwus back into their holes.
Here the natral angIeworm ends.
X 4 X
Treetuds are the only tuds ov aul the
tud family who can Kline tree.
How they do it IL an unfathomable
mystery-almost equal ter the milk in
the koker nut
Philosophers awl agree that the milk
is put into the koker nut, and then the
hole il neatly plugged up, but who the
fellow IL who duz it, the philosophers are
honest enuff, for a wonder, tew admit
they kant tell.
| am glad there IL one man living who
IL smart enuff to beat the philosophers,
for they are alwus a sticking their OIL
faktory into every thing, and often make
themselfs sick for week, giving reasons
for things that they don't understand.
am afraid that it will 90 hard with
tue Philosophers IN the day OF Judg-
ment
The treetud is both male and female,
but not both to once; tho female don't
climb trees. Cor obvious reasons.
When q treetud is on tree, they con-
form tew the customs ov the trees, look
ing and ackting just like the tree. This
shows good breeding if nothing more
Treetuds are good s.iddy singers, but
tbay hav rather more musk than melo-
dy their voices have been cultivated tew
mulch; cultivashun spiIes melody for me;
l simply respeckt art, but 1 worship and
weep with natur.
About awl that kan be said NV these
insekts liz, that thay are harmless para
sites, whose chief ambishun il tew KLINE
a tree, and be mistaken for part ov it.
Here naturally ends the treetu6.
re- A Yankee, who was travelling out
West, was obliged TO stay at hotel over