The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1868-05-27

yure style, and reach the ethellal top
which YOU roost on, and perforate the
resplenlents sublmitys ov tho konlsavo
skey, i waz bilt for muddy going, yu
might az well ask an old elephant tew
climb u creased liberty pole, tail fust, and
deliver 4th of-july orashun on tho top
ov it tew the listening cherubs IN the
attik world. ss.zs.z
Miss Jcrusha stcbbins, if yu would on:
ly turn yure genius into poetry for q
weeks, yu would heavo dubolc skies cvry
time. / would bet mi last surviving dol
lar that .lsessay son, the british poetcr,
would aliasssfsfsout las out hiz tallow dip in despair,
would turn oph his gass in agony, and
would flux in tho slSaldng blazo ov yure
glory similar tcw 4 creased rag in The
fiery furnace ov Shadrak.
Longfcllow would turn into thin
ghost, and walk the nlidnite earth in bro
gans.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, esq, would
take solitary drink and die az dead az
tie concluding paragraph ov an unor-
thordox .sermin.
Whittier, the gentle and sainted qua
ker would burn biz poems at the stake,
and take up q job ut ditching.
Dickens, the immortal Charles, would
buy another breastpin, and go calmly
and naturally, without ~ sigh or salt
embittcred tear, into the !jcweiry bizncss.
Old Homer, the dead giant ov stanza,
whose lions skin the poetic asses ov later
times have galloped and gamboled under,
and whose writings arc tho IL command
ments of poezy, which poets have ever
since tried to keep by stealing them.
Yea! the old patriarl1 and proprietor ov
Parnassus would kick oph hiz deth-fet-
ters, and gathring up his scattered bones,
would run out ov eternity tew welcome
you, Jerush, and probably insist upon
having yu within the holy grip ov we'd
lock.
These things are solemn facts, my dear
girl, and don't be afrade to let them sink
into you, for if yu will only hoe yourself
for or 8 consecutiv weeks you are actu-
ally poet, with smoke stacks-you
kant be held without q wired bit, yu kant
be hid long emmy how; an oyster mite az
well undertake tew hide in his shell, or
the 10 ov clubs to change her spots.
And now Miss Stebbins, let me drop q
few drops ov advice touching tho bestway
tew Git yurcself in condition for the com
ing fight.
Let the first thing yu do in tho morn
ing be to rize arl y, soak yure feet often,
drink yung hyson tea raw, abstain from
awl animal food, espeshily old checze-
never you mind what they say about
cheezo being good for lively imagina-
shun, tharc ant a mite ov truth in it; cat
egg, humming- birds will hurt yu the
least; eat ono day, on an empty STUN
mull; travcl around the lots loose, with
out any watertaul, don't drink emmy al
cohol, gin and jamaka rum iz only good
for beginners in male poetry, study
Wcbstcr's dictionary, unabridged, put it
under yure pillow at night, set on ii
thru the day, eat oph from it, work the
fy-leaves ov it upsinto curl-papcrs, after
you hav got it awl BY heart bio Webster
in potash kettle tor y hours and drink
up the juice.
This will mako you a poetcss. ovelycst
thing on this earth, Il solace lew man, 4
first-class mother, the best housckccpel
between here and the village ov Dunkirli;
yer will be as amablc as buttcred toast
yurc heart will be as warm and strctchy
as yarn stocking; yure dress us tidy
as violet yurc hair llwas parted cX-
acIily on Gle equator; ynrc facc rs fair
and as free from wrinkles and care lis Il
dreaming rose.
P. s.-Jerusha, mi lovely school nom,
summers if yer should fail tew be q poet
css by and by, after awl th.,t hiL::iil na-
tur and Billings has doLc for yoa, tharc
ailt,no poetry in dictionary, words fail
to do the bizneSs, the souls ov danJ!yions.
and the kissing perfume OF the languid
holly he al, the liquid love dalliancc, that
Gums like Il nclttrons vapor from the
brest ov the song bird: pilowcd among
the leaves OF the dama>k rose, when at
tic birth ov twilight he woos his coy
sweetheart from the shady shadows ov
the sylvan shade are awl, the whole bile
ing ov them: dcd beats, and aint worth 10
cents pouad to work up into poetry.
tbs barely possible that poetry may
be made out ov ideas, and that words are
mere gentlemen ushcrs: who bckum ii
dickilous just as soon as they gitabovc or
below their bizncss, and is also barely
possible, but hardly probable, that tharc
arc q CRATE nncnny now maxim themsclis
very skanty kivcrlid ov glory by mix
ing p poetry, who might make thcmselis
respectable and beloved by cultivating
the small mental patch that Heaven has
rented tew them with white beans, or
sum other plain but nutritious sass.
Larger Beer.
I hav finally cum tew the conclusion
that larger beer rs beverage is not in