The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1868-12-14
VAN TRUMp's LETTERS.
Written for The Democrat.
NUMBER ONE.
Our Mex. Unitcd States Senator.

IN"''' 'S u'H Nant S'VVV lSHi
nor the milcago-nor the s,ealin'S--oh
no.--nary once. We don't take any in
our'n. That is, il We understand our
selves, and VIC think VIC do. Leastways,
we've consulted Mrs. Van, aud all the
smaller editions of the Trump family,
and they are strongly Of the opinion that
We don't want it. And VIC don't. But
We know of several that do. At least,
they say so. Thcre'sar,hur he wants
10 be United States Scnator-he thinks it
would be a zig thing But then, he's ii
rashcr, you know. Hes rushed about
5000 people out of the State ia the last
four years, and he still keeps rushing 'em.
Then, he's had experience. Hes been
p!ayin' Guv'ncr at $4,000 year and
house rent. And he's had contingent
funds" and large quantities Of postage
stamps-and other stamps, ETC., etc., and
he thinks he's able to 90 to Washington
and keep up with the best of 'cm-in
robbing the Government! He'd be good
on the reconstruct, he would He under
stands that !;.;le biz, cause he's had cx-
pcrience, and he's q rusher. arthur likes
test oa:hs, he does. in fact, we think
he's rather fond OF en-. He don't care 4
continental whether hc takes 'cnl roasted,
fried, stcwed or boiled. But then he's a
rusher. And then, ar.hur's loil, he is !.
lie swears by the New York Tribune
and Anna Dickinscn-thcy're his Bible
And didn't he suffer in til. flesh every
time he hcarn tell of the Rebels? And
d:dn'. he rush across the river to save
his bacon? Or course he did. He's Il
ruslcr. And then. arthur, he likes
good things, anyhow. He'd like the
5000 ycar-and the milcage-and
the stealin's-and the-oh! lois of good
things he could get at Washington. OF
course he would. les Il rasher, he Isl
Then, Archy Campbell wants TO be
United States Senator. Arcl,y is u good
egg. In fact, We might say two eggs. y
twin egg, for iustauce-or, other wise, an
egg with two yallers into it. Yea, verify,
there's a heap CT yaller about him. But
he amt saddle-colorcd. No, sir. And
Archy has claims-lots OF en-. lie
claims to be loil-snl he suiIcrcd-whcn
Hunter arrested him. And he had trib-
ulation-wheu he couldn't be elected
State Senator. And he had trouble
cause the RAIDS wouldn't lc, him play at
GUNNER And he's got vexatlon Of
spirit-and he's got it bad-sevcral
times bladder than wugsc.-'cause he wants
70 be United States Senator, and he cant
htlp II
And there's Tom narris-he wants to
be United States Senator, too. But
General Northcott won't let him. lie
gives him too heavy doses of Tl-lic:grdph
and Of course he couldn't stand that
nobody could-and if they couldn't, how
could they, or how could you? or
course Tom wants to be Sena,or-it's
kinder material, like. Most people wants
to be Senator. Blu. then, Tom. he's got
claims. lie murdered woman-,Lat
gives him claims Aud he's loil--hc
fought IN the bloody war. He'd get lots
OF votcs-.o be hang! Then, he edited
a-loii newSpaper-ccrtainIy he did. And
he talked bIg-aud he was loil-and he
was down on the lrish-and up on the
niggcr-anl Of course he's got claims.
Ana he's got tremendous beard. And
he's preacher. And he's Il doctor.
And w!thal, he spcaketl muchly with his
Iaouth, and much noise doth he make
Herewith, c"cn from the rising of the sun
unto the going down thereof.
We know u great aany men who want
10 he United States Senator whole fami-
lies, in fact. But We know another
man--hc's our man-aud he wants to be
United States Senator, too. He's the big
gest duck in the puddle. Suppose it is Il
small puddle. We cant help it. We
didn't make the puddlc-not TO speak of.
Aud he's the big duck--or, rather, he's
the boss drake. But his name amt
drake. No, sir. His name is Furgu.on,
but we call him Carpe,-Bag jim for
short Hes our man-wc know lima
good deal ofhim-or, rather, good deal
Of him that's not quite SO good, 50 to
speak. Bat then, he's our man. Hes
u man of parts-a good many of en-.
The principal part OF him was in Jail
once in the upper part Of Kentucky Tor
s;ealin' a carpet-bag. Suppose he did
steal carpc.-bag! We ANT goin' for
to 60 for to deny it. That's his crown
jewel! That shows he ought to be Uni
ted States Senator. Suppose he did 20
scalowaging into Dixie during the war :?
Why, lots of your fellcrs Golo that, aud
FOREMAN gave them all situations when
they cane back Hes our nan, he is I.
There's no use talking about it, he's our
man! Just send him to the place where
they whack out the magnificent distances,
aud he'll astouish the natives. lie won't
stop at nary hotel week, and he'll send
home more carpet.bans than will SUNNY