The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1868-04-02
Nasty.
The New Hampshire Election; the
Preparations for a Procession
which did not take Place.
Washington, March Is,

AbHiuSCOH, MuEcH Id.
Probably the happiest party wich
ever assembled in this vale of teers,
wuz in the White House on the mite
of the eleckshun in Moo Hampsheer.
1t wuz gay and festive seen. Hi
larity rained The President, with
a unwonted smile onto his face, his
nose shinin with preternateral bril-
liancy, his eyes sparklin with lite
that Good only come from sole sur
charged with Joy and skin tolerably
full NV whisky, and with glee that
could not be repressed.
is all prepared" asked Randall,
NV a humble looking cuss that does a
share NV his managin, Che wuz origi-
nally paid by Mrs Cobb, but sence
her ontimely failure in biznis he is
allowed the earnins Nv one day in
each month NV a whisky inspector
in Moo York; is everything ar
ranged p
9; 1t is your Eggslency." (To these
fellers all the high offices are s'Eg-
gslencies.")
Is the powder prokured for one
hundred guns 2"
ait is, yoor Eggslency."
ais the rockets drawed from the
Navy Department to be fred from
the different parts Nv the city to show
spontaneous enthoosiasm ?"
They is, yoor Egglency."
"Hev the Department clerks bin
notified that it will be well for EN- to
gladly fall into procession when His
Egglency, the President is to be sere-
naded, eff they desire to keep their
places?"
They hev."
Hev the transpariencies bin pain
ted with the proper inscriptions p
Did you see one inscribed, Sinclair's
majority 1900! Moo Hampsheers
protest against impeachment %
"They hev, / did"
"Then sed Randall, /" all is in read
mess. The brass bands l know are
in waitin, Stanberry writ the Presi-
dents speech this mornin, and he hez
it tollerably well by heart, and the
Notification must 60 OFF smooth and
pleasant"
At this moment the President APP
preached.
"Ha!" said he, in one more short
hour Washington will be alive with
joy, and the country will breath free
Moo Hampsheer hez spoken. In an
hour we shell hev the glad intelligence
that she hez bin troo to the constoo-
shen ez I expound it-that she hez
rebooked Sumner, and Stevens, and
SIGH, and sed in thunder tones to the
i,npious wretches who wood, in me
pull down the pillars nv the govern
ment, stay yer fratricidlc hands,
The thought overpowers me. Let's
take suthin."
| A half hour was spent in innocent
hilarity. The President showed the
thoroughniss NV his reconvcrsion to
dimocrasy by takin hizzen strate,
with nothin in it, while Seward be-
trayed his origin, and his consekent
onreliability, by drinkin some kind
NV lite wine with no more BODY in
to it than wood be in watered CT
der.
aConfusion to Wadel" exclaimed
the President, ho)din up his glass and
wa,chin the beads rise to the surface
with a pleased eye.
Moo Hampsheer!' sed Seward
"may Connecticut carry forard the
work she has so gloriously begun
Sour ofiises," sed Randall long
may we hold EN-"
| aKentucky," sed I, "allus troo
tho all other states may desert
Democracy, Kentucky will be
faithful mong tho faithlls found
Her distileries attest her steadfast.
ness to her party obligashens."
And in such toasts the thirty min.
utes past away.
i A private Secretary entered.
i a dispatch from Moo Hamp-
sheer!"
Ha,' sed Randall seezin it, " now
tremble Ablishin quake Stevens
for your time is come! Exalt your
horn Democrisy, for the reacshnn il
J here!"
The gentle and trustful Secretary
!. opened it, read . moment, turned
pale and fell fantin on the floor
Seward glanced at it, and gaspin.-
This as the end NV life," (Which he
intended for his last words) fell like
wise PROSTATE. The President
snatched it from Stewards hands and
, tainted across tho rest NV EN-, and
Welles, seein the President faint, did
it becoz the President did, without
readin it. Welles takes physic every
. time the President does.
ri l snatched the dispatch and read
, it as follows:
"To the President Its all up
, I'm ded duck. Hartman is electec
, bv about &. 900. The reacshnn 0n,