Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1868-07-10

vented. Get few of them, my boy,
and your wife won't be afraid to be
left alone; and we'll dine together
three times a week, old fellow, bv
Jove."
took it and examined it carefully,
for it really seemed to be a meritori-
Gus affair. AS | was handling it with
great care, it somehow slipped through
my fingers, and striking my plate, ex-
ploded with loud report, besides
breaking the plate into countless
pieces. -Four walters Immediately
rushed in to see what was the matter,
supposing that one of US had attempt
ed to murder the other. The matter
was finally explained to them, though
not before the passage outside the
door was .jammed with inquisitive fel-
lows, who were evidently greatly dis
appointed at finding no dead body
upon which to feast their eyes. One
Of them said, pretty loudly, and in a
tone of great disgust-"These drunken
fellows never hurts themselves ;more's
the pity" 1t struck me, on heaing
this remark, that Perkins was a little
intoxicated, and that had better see
him home at once. | said as much
to the walters, who warmly applaud
ed my design, and helped me to as
Sist Perkins into the street.
Curiously enough, remember lit
tie about the remaining occurrences
of that evening, except that We found
great difficulty in walking together,
arm in arm, from which circumstance
| conclude that Perkins must have
been very drunk. | have a dim re-
collection, too, Of our having another
bottle at his rooms, and of his fire.
quently, presenting me with what he
called a "burgl arm m boy from
which | also conclude that he must
have been very drunk indeed, when
| left him. When ! awoke in the
morning, it was at my iavorite hotel,
and the first object that greeted my
gaze was collection Of six burglar
arms, carefully deposited in my hat,
which stood near me on the table,
Clearly Perkins had been warmed by
wine to unwonted generosity.
My wife greeted me rather coldly
when [ reached home, and informed
me that she was still alive, though it
was a mercy that she hadn't been kill
ed in her bed, for Van Schoon's house,
which stood quite near to ours, had
been broken into and robbed the
night before.
Moreover, she said that she had
written that morning to Aunt Jane,
inviting her to come and spend a few
weeks with us. II Snnnaaad that Won
won't object to my having some one
at home with me these long evenings,
while you are away at your dinner,
she added in conclusion.
What was already done was then
past remedy. Though | always be-
lieeved Aunt Jane to be the most op-
pressive Of old maids, felt that it
was now useless to object to her com
ing; and then, perhaps, after all, she
might not prove wholly uncomfortable
on a closer acquaintance. | therefore
con8oled myself by repeating the an
cient adages concerning the inutility
Of lamenting over split cats, and the
possibility that singed milk might
prove better than it ked,-and ac-
quiesced in my wife's programme
LAS to burglars" | remarked to her,
"you need have no further alarm, for
| | have an invention here that will
render us perfectly safe against at
tack" So saying, showed her one
of the alarms, and loading it, request
ed her to watch its operation.
Carefully placing it over the door
of the room, while Clementina shrunB
as far away from it as possible, anc
entrenched herself behind rocking
chair, | went out through another
door, and returning, carefully opened
the door where the alarm was placed
Initiating as closely as | could th'
cautions sOftness Of a professional
robber, opened the door little by lit
| tie, until the opening was wide enough
for me to enter, which did, and thel
discovered the alarm still resting ol
the top of the door. This was al
nOying, especially as my wife appear
ed to regard it as joke, and bega
, to laugh in a very inconsiderate mar
) ner. Determined not to be eaSil
: discouraged, | told her that | had nc
. arranged it properly, but that th
5 next time it could not fail to explode
+ Repeating my burglarlOuS eXperlmen
= was delighted to find the alarm ia
. heavily to the floor. "Is that all th
noise it makes ?" cried my wife
} "Why, that could never wake you ur
} you snore louder than that"
;, If you please, my dear"-I replie
: ID do not snore. The alarm dl
: not explode that time, owing to tt
o way in which it was placed. If yc
a wish to laugh, do so by all mean
n though l cannot see anything to lau9
: at"
Y That excellent woman immediate
V became serious and sympathetic, al
f. advised me to make a third tri;
h which | did with great success; t
d three barrels going off simultaneous
n, with report that Jared the windt
= frames. | was quite elated with I
b, final success, but concluded not
n use the alarm again until | shou
d. have learned how to render its exp
O. sion certainty.
m Amt lane arrived in a few da