Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1868-09-11
The Josh Billings Papers.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS.


QUESTION. you ever see an old
horse, holler-eyed and bony, limp-legged
and purblind, kivvered with a gold-plated
harniss and waited upon by a spruce pos
tillion and liveryed coachman ls3aa
Answer.-Yes hav, and hav seen old
age put on pomposity, hobble in brocade,
command reverence, exult, with pride and
grin with pain, and hav sed tew myself,
"poor old boss" W 1fIo2 5t9
Qu-Did you ever hear phools, and
even wise men, say that life waz short,
that deth waz certain, that happiness waz
skase? ~
Ans.-T hav herd these remarks quite
often, but never herd bizzy man find
emmy fault with the length of life, nora pure
one regret that deth wasra sure thing, nor
a vartuous one komplain about the high
price of happiness.
QUIZ thare emmy vacancy at present
for man in polite Strikes, who didn't hav
rich daddy, or who hadn't bored suck
cessfully for lie himself?
Ans If we hear Ov emmy such opening.
we will TELEGRAPH yu at once, but jist now,
the way things are run, a man with seedy
garments on would even git kicked out NV
fust klass meeting house, and be put I'M
der 10 thousand dollar bonds tew keep the
peace. Our advice tew,, a poor but vir-
tewoos Individual would be tew take biz
virtew under hiz arm, keep shady, and let
the polite Strikes alone. be- .jsG 'aak
.Qu.-Kan a young man without emmy
| mustash git Situation in NJ York sitty !?
| Ans.-Yes, but it would probably be in
station house. Young men without any
mustash are looked upon, with suspicion,
and yu will find, if yu put them under
4 llos,
| but common sense, or they are too stingy
| to buy a bottle ov "Bollvards oil of Sc
duktion," warranted tew fetch hair or tare
| oph the lip. ~ q" I'f''t -@0i 10
| Qu.-Kan you tell me the best way that
| haz yet been invented to bring up boy 5?
Ans.-Give me 10 dollars and willtell
WI. But here is a recepee that | give
away: Bring up yure boy in fear of the
rod and gin mill. z Ht afl ..3l
4. Qu.-Is there emmy kure for natral lazi-
ness, where it is a part ov mans constl-
tushun and bye laws?
| Ans.-Only one kure, that's, milk COW
on the run, and subsist on the milk.
| Qu.-How fast duz sound travel?f
| Ans.-This dependsa good deal on the
natur ov the noize yu are talking about.
The sound of a dinner horn, for instance,
trayelsa half mile in a second, while an
invitashun tew git up in the morning hav
known to be 3 quarters ov an hour going
two pair of stairs, and then not hav
strength enuff left tew be heard. .s..,1 d
Qu-Kan yu tell me who was the author
of the saying, "Give beggar boss, and
he will ride to the devil ?"
Ans.-I don't feel equal to the task, but
l will say one thing in favor ov the prov
erb, think it a good risk tew take if yu
think the devil would send back the boss.
Qu.-What is yure private opinyun of
human happiness as fertilizer? i
4 lAns.-I hav got a dredful mean private
opinyun ov human happiness, but all that
kan say for it il that it resembles new
penny hove in among a parcel of ragged
1 yung ones awl of them are Immediately
crazy for the cent, but only one ov them
gifts it. 1910 si aa Il ur .911.afs
Qu.-What kind ov books would yu adj
wise yung man like me tew read, who
am very anxious tew be full ov wisdum?
Ans.-Don't read but one good book at
a time, and az soon as yu git thru with
that keep reading it over agin. He who
reads everything il like he who drinks
everything, he gifts az full az a soder foun-
tain, with just about azmutch whizz in him.
1t liz better tew be a good deal like sum-
boldly than tew be little like nobody,
| .Qu.-How long kan a goose stan on one
legg? " - 29t'nf}o u '2efa q
Ans.-Try it and see, that's the way the
| goose found out. ..:,o..f. ba,s..,