The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1868-12-12

oh! he's sofa. and ma says please
somebody come and smash him ali to
bits
! what shall We do ?' sighed Minnie |?
sthis is the most ridiculous freak of aiiD
"Don't be frightened, my lnveSsaid
the doctor. Tommy + nn right home
and tell your mother I will be there in
Eve minutes. Now. Minnie, there is but
! one way [ know to cure your father ut
once. and that is by giving him shock :"
''What! of electricity Z"
| "No, dear, far more powerful than
that. You must GO to the little brown
i house over there and be married.
"Oh! never! my father would iill
me-"
"Docs he ever break his word ?''
Il never knew him to-
"All right. He promised me that if
| should ever get into tr ouble he would
help me out"
did he. really? The n he WILL
''i,nt it is necessary that we give him
the shock first. Delay NOT, my darling
you shall never regret it.
OF course they went.
can l ask is that nobody'll sit on me !;
I'm cracked. Besides, I'm just warm
ished, ana not quite dry yet. Do, my
dear, stand at the door aud tell people as
| they come in that | cannot he sat on or
in amy way meddled with. I'm So finl-
| silly fastened together"
This Was the speech thar greeted Mr..
Stagg as he catered Mr.. Lundy's parlor
| with Minnie. Mrs. L. was in tears
doctor, rs soon rs ever | get home
I'll have that ridiculous man carried d.
rcctly to the hospital; indeed | viii, :"
| cried the poor woman. tive borne it
long enangh, aud I'm CT mpietcly worn
| out ~
So am 1, my dear" piped up her hus-
band. Il expect I'm second hand; !;
shouldn't wonder i'll the least, nay legs
feel :" shaky. Pray ont touch NE.
Isn't .ne roller gone, my dear x
Roller gone. your wits gone. l
wish | was u man. L & varnish you in
such way hat you i never want te he
IA sofa again or amy other piece Of fur
! n.ture.
II he doctor stood near, graveiy con-
| sidering.
''My dear you are better as you arc,
| for see in the last five minutes you have
come oat a beautiful washbowl aud
pitcher. But isn't your nose little
cracked, ar do see awiiy? Shouldn't t
wonder, for my head i, full of brass
tacss. | thiak I've snutftd them up my
| nose. It's worse than influenza"
'.Was ever poor creatures SO afflicted ?"
| murmured MIS-. Sota-I mean Lundy.
Never, my love. 1 protest that
| couldn't be anything else if would =
put "a sofa am. aud ,or one at thai" :"
At I'll t moment the doctor sprang for
war'l a:.d planted hn,selrIupon the pros
| trate body OF Mr. Luady.
'.Iapital sofa, this he said. keeping
bis position iii spite oil his victims strus
| giles.
Get up; I'm cracking in six places
! Good heavens you'll ruin me-you'll
break my back Get up till I'm prop
| erly me,ided. for PHYS sake
Upon my word" said the doctor
| calmly. "this piece of furniture acts as it
it were alive. 1t kicks and wri.gles and
makes me Laugh at its antics. What a
| ridiculous sofa"
II tell you I'm second hand" cried
the hypochondriac more faintly than be-
| fore, for cne hundred aud thirty pounds.
dead weight, was no light infliciion.
| ..l'm brass -tacked-old-v old-full
| of cracks-one roller gone. o! pay
| don't lean your wei ght on me
The doctor lifted himself cautiously.
The sof:, gave one deep inspiration.
The doc or locked serious.
''Are you sure you are . sofa Z"
..Of course L am.
'.Then you are no longer Mr.. Lundy 2"
II am no longer Mr. Lundy."
'.Can you keep a secret p
s.CertainIy | cam"
..Doyou know old Lun1y's daughter? z"
81 guess do"
"Woat let on to the old fellow if l
tell you something p
Mot if you say so.'
"Well, I've just married her. She's
my wife
OFF went the sofa like a gun.
"What! you villaiu!"
sTake care, you'll break !" cried the
! doctor.
.You young rascal!'
s.you old sofa =
"T.e desperate young thief:
.'Yon rickety old sofa, with your head
full OF brass tacks, 1 tell you" cried the
| doctor IF you had not been feather,
and a rooster, and sofa. and the cats
know what, you'd lpok after your daugh-
ter better than you have. But come,
let's be friends. and thank me for curing
you. You'll never be hypocondriac
ayain--I'll take good care of that-far
YOU see i,s a nice thing to have medi
cal adviser il the family. Besides, you.
prom ;sed me once that if was in trouble
you would help mo through. Come,
come, let's be quits.
Il see I cant help myself said the
old man. gravely; .but tell you what,
| I L. N o.,ns:.ior ynt, :, that onfii va,r are