The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1868-08-01
From Divers Sonrces.

"A kentucklan becoming lncenSed al the
boastfulness of an Englishman as to the supe-
riority of British inventions, eXclaim ed
"Pshaw They are of no account. Why, a
house painter in my neighborhood grained a
door so exactly in imitation of oak, that last
year it put forth leaves; and grew an excellent
crop Of acorns; and another fellow, up in
Iowa, has just taught ducks to swim in hot
water, and with such success that they lay
boiled eggs I" The Englishman from that
time exhibited modest and subdued air.
ARAGo once confidently announced that
would not destroy it. tHow do You know ~
he was asked. 81 don't know" he replied;
"but in either case am safe. If it does not
knock the world to pieces, l shall be con-
sidered prophet; if it does, they can't blow
me up in the newsp apers."
ASTRANGE PHYSIOLOGICAL FAcT.-The higher
organs of the brain are situated at its upper
and anterior portion the lower at its under
and pOsterior one. 1t is strange, therefore,
that an "intellectual warfare" must have more
to do with the "cerebrum" than with the
"cerebellum."
UNANINIITY eve must all be unanimous"
observed Hancock, on the occasion Of signing
the Declaration of independence; "there must
be no pulling different ways" eyes," OBJ
served Franklin, eve must all hang together,
or most assuredly we shall all hang sepa-
rately."
YOUNG ADDERs.-A Boston teacher, who in
q fit of veXation called her pupils set of
young adders on being reprOved for her Ian
guage, apologzed by saying that she was
speaking to those just commencing arithmetic.
-"How many regular, steady boarders are
there in this house ?' asked census taker of
servant girl. "There's fifteen boarders in
all, sir, but not more'n four of 'em is steady
persons, sir"
An old salt, sitting on q wharf, the other
day, very soberly remarked:-"I began the
world with nothing, and have held my own
ever since" A terse and suggestive biog-
raphy.
"A boy eight years old, in one of our public
schools, having been told that reptile "is an
animal that creeps," on being asked to name
one, promptly and triumphantly replied "a
baby"
QUnP, who has heretofore been a Universal
ist, now believes there are two things destined
to be eternally lost-his umbrella and the man
who stole it.
AN ABANDONED CHARACTER.--A musical en-
thusiast has written to the Duke of Cambridge
to ask for his permission to wear the Band of
the First Life Guards round his hat.
Too MUcH FOR OUR GRAVITY. .-Idioticus writes
to ask whether the force of graVy-tea is equal
to the strength of beef-tea.
The new condition of the atmosphere is
most fully accounted for from the fact that the
present time must, Of necessity, be ''close !"
"A real estate agent informs the public that
he has ga beautiful cottage for sale, containing
ten rooms and eight acres of land"
"RIGHT AS NGNFPENCE. There is Disraeli
in power; there is also "POwer" in Disraeli
-"It is more blessed to give than to re-
ceive," applies particularly to advice.
GREAT SLANGING MATCH IN TIE Commons
Grant Duff against Grand Dufler.
NAUTICAL.-TOeing out craft-Kioking a
blackleg down stairs.
Pm MoNEY.-What is expended in bowling
alleys.
DRESS MATERIAL FOR THE SEA- A-sHoRE--Surge.
"RrTLE Practice Picking pockets.
The ORDER ON RUNNNG.-"Of 70