North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-12-23
Advice to . YOuMg Man.

AAvie. to Young Man.
The following letter was addressed to a
young man who had fallen in love with q
girl, and was about to start on campaign
for her:
Mr. DEAR FR,ESD-Before you begin
your assault upon the affections Of Miss
Smith with whom you tell me you are in
love, let me offer you u few words Of coun-
eel. Never be ashamed to take advice
from an older man than yourself. Gray
hairs bring wisdom, discretion, ard he
who with simple reverence heeds the warn
ings that fall from aged lips, and guide
his footsteps thereby, will win enduring
success, and bc::blessed in his generation. 1t
was venerable white haired old man who
taught me always to 70 it alone in euchrc
when held both bowers and the ace, and
look at me now ]! / am the father of
eight children, and owe my tailor one
hundred and scventy-fve dollars that
can't pay. Believe me, age brings with
it that experience which time alone can
supply.
In the FIRST place, my boy, when you go
counting, never start out on the principle
that you can make good thing Of it by
crowding upon the young woman's par
ents. Confine yourself strictly to the Off
spring. On the same principle, if any
other vagabond and foolish youth is prowl-
ing around trying to walk into that
woman's hottest emotions, hold yourself
In, no matter how mad you may feel about
it, and, instead of saying hard things
about him, praise him up us good fellow,
who means we'll, and at the same tine in
innate that you consider him Of not much
account in a general way.
She will like you for your magnanimity,
and despise him because you patronize
him.
Women are like the nightmare they al.
ways 20 by contraries.
Make up Your mind to block the little
game Of your rival. Always have engage
nents week or two ahead with your an
gel, and ask her to 20 to the opera before
the sale of tickets begins. He, like the
genuine jackass he is, will very likely
wait until he buys the paste-boards.
Never let him sit you out either. When
you both happen together of an evening,
let him do the most Of the talking at FIRST
and about the time his limited stock Of
ideas begins to give out, you will come up
smiling, and he has either got to sit there
like a lot Of dead wood, or else 20 home.
If he stays little too late for decency
got up and say to him in pleasant voice
"Come, William, it is getting late we had
better CO." And he will rise up and come
along, gritting his teeth and swearing in
wardly at you.
But you needn't care, for you'll know
you have soft thing on him.
When you pop, don't 60 straddling
around on the floor on your knees. 1t is
not only ridiculous, but it is destructive to
trousers. If she says "yes,' you don't
need any instruction; the whole business
is ad hpitum. IF she happens to say "no,"
but thinks she can always regard You ssas
FRIEND" don't make any observations
about suicide. No girl was ever worth
going to the cold and silent grave for, you
know, and you may have the chance to
sail in again and win.
l knew man who preached the subject
eighteen times to the same girl, and he got
her at last.
Never say die. There is no last ditch
in love. The case only grows hopeless
when the girl dies.
Never talk to her Of love in cottage
by the sea. Four story brown stone hous
es, with gas, water, and all the modern
conveniences and back staircase, is what
she wants.
If when you ask her to have you, she
says, "Not much WON'T" don't despair !;
maybe she will little. But don't consi-
der yourself accepted because she rejects
you twice. Two negatives make an af-
frmative in grammar, but not in court
ship.
II she has my little brothers and sisters,
let them maui you and fool around you,
and put their greasy fingers on your
clothes, and make themselves generally
disagreeable.
Never write proposal to a girl. A
friend of mine did this once, and made
mistake, and directed it to the sister of
the one he wanted, and this old sister, you
observe, accepted him by return of mail,
and then because he wouldn't marry her,
her father came down and flogged him
and he sued him for breach of promise,
laying her claims at SIC, 900. and she got it.
Lacerated affection is expensive, my boy.
When you are engaged, don't 20 down
and spot around after house the very
next day, nor begin to buy furniture,
cradles, and one thing and another.
Women's minds are like ten dollar bills,
liable to change, and she may think better
Of her bargain, and take another man.
Then you have got to get up an auction
of the most ridiculous character. Do you
see the point, my boy?