Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1868-06-04
Established December 10Th, 1850,
MARK TWAIN AS SECRETARY.

Mikk TWAIN AS SEUkETAkY
! I am not a Private Secretary
to Senator any more, now.
held the berth two months in Sc
curity and in great cheerfulnes'
of spirit, but my bread began tt
return from over the waters, ther
that is to say, my works came
back and revealed themselves.
Judged it best to resign. The way
of it was this. My employer sem
for me one morning tolerable ear
ly, and, as soon as | had finished
inserting some conundrums clan.
destinely into his last great
speech upon finance, I entered the
presence. There was something
portentous in his appearance. His
cravat was united, his hair was
in a state of disorder, and his coun-
tenance bore about it the signs of
a suppressed storm. He held a
package of letters in his tense
grasp, and 1 knew that the dread
ed Pacific mail was in. He said !:
81 thought you were worthy of
confidence"
I said:s eyes, sir"
He said: 81 gave you a letter
from certain of my constituents
in the State of Nevada, asking
the establishment of a post-ofice
at Baldwin's Ranch, and told you
to answer it, as ingeniously as
you could, with arguments which
should persuade them that there
was no real necessity for an office
at that place."
l felt easier. "Oh, if that is
all, sir I.did that
Yes, youdid. l will read your
answer for your own humiliation:
"WAsHINGToN, Nov. "a, 1867.
"Messrs. Smith, Jones and others.
"GENTLEMEN: What in the
mischief do you suppose you want
with post-ofice at Baldwin's
Ranch? 1t would not do you
any good. If any letters came
there, you couldn't read them, !
you know; and, besides, such let
ters as ought to pass through,
with money in them, for other
localities, would not be likely to
Jet through, you must perceive at
once; and that would make troub-
e for US all. No, don't bother
about post-office in your camp.
have your best interests at heart,
md feel that it would only be an
folly. What you
want is a nice Jail, you know-a
lice, substantial Jail and a free
chool. These will be a lasting
'eneft to you. These will make
'ou really contented and happy.
will move In the matter at once.
Very truly, ETC., MARK TWAIN.
"For James W. Nye, u. S. :
SENATOR" r
"That is the way you answer +;
d that letter. Those people say c
hey will hang me if I ever en- 6
er that district again; and / am a
satisfied they aoill, too." +
"Well, sir, did not know l '
as doing any harm. Ionly want t
/ to convince them" S
"Ah. Well, you did convince S
lem, make no manner Of doubt. a
ow here is another specimen. l e
I'VE you a petition from certain u
of Nevada, praying
lat 1 would get a bill through e
ongress Incorporating the Metho- Il
st Episcopal Church Of the State
Nevada. | told you to say, in
ply, that the creation of such a
W came more properly within
e province of the State Legisla-
re; and to endeavor to show
EN- that, in the present feeble
IS of the religious element in tt
at new commonwealth, the ex- te
diency of Incorporating the i
urch was questionable. What IN
! you write? =
"WAsHINeFoN, Nov. "a, 1867. g.
Rev. John Halifax and others. OF
GENTLEMEN: You will have
go to the State Legislature about N
at little speculation of yours as
ngress don't know anything az
out religion. But don't you tn
,,,.x, 70 ro fhora oithar. booouco to