The Plymouth weekly Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1860-1869, 1868-09-17
A MEAN MAN'S SOIL OQUY
God knows am a mean man!

My conscience told ME so, before I lost
it. wonder ifmy ncighbors know it?
Who cares! l was born mean! Have
always lived mean Expect to die
mean
When boy, used to steal my compan-
ions playihings. When l grew to be a
man | was merchant. Made money.
Made my ignorant customers pay their
accounts twice when | could. / sold
them goods at big profits. Hooked sharp
after the dimes Made my hired girls
pay re for the dishes they accidentally
broke, ard for the thread to mend their
dresses. | lived on what | could not sell.
Got all could, and kept all | got
grew rich. Then | joined the church to
be thought respectable. Threw a penny
into the contribution plate when they
stuck it under my nose GLOW [ hate con-
tribution Plates But being church
member paid. 1t was a good dodge Peo-
pie thought me honest. At the prayer
meetings | prayed long AID loud. The
people said 1 was gifted in prayer Pre-
sumo the devil thinks so too. | prayed
for the poor, down-trodden African For
the benighted Hndoo
The war broke out. was loval to the
government. Best government the world
ever saw,-good joke; ha, ha 1 ur-
ged my neishbors and my neigh
borS' sons to enlist Dill not enlist
myself. Did not let my son enlist We
stayed at home to take care of the soldiers
wives, and watch the wicked copperheads.
When the soldiers wives went to the town
ship trustee to get little help from the
county to pay their house rent, or buy
food for their children, or medicine for
their sick ones, | shaved their county or
ders from 20 to % per cent. [ gave them
nine dollars in goods for their twelve dol
lar order, and put three dollars in my
pocket, clear profit. They could have got
the face Of them in cash at the bank. but
they did not know it. OF course / did
not tell them. | grew rich. | bought
bonds. / sued my poor customers who
did not pay promptly. Made them pay
twice # L could. Then bought more
bonds. Then every six months l drew
;he interest on nay bonds in gold. Bright
yel'or gold! How love to look at it.
But the war went On. Ny neighbors
aud their sons in the army, many Of them
got killed or crippled. More men were
wanted. Then camc the draft They ask
Cd ne to assist in clearing the township.
What an idea OF course | refused.
was exempt [ got my son exempted.
Why should I assist? What did I care if
others had to GO? Let them fight it out !;
the government must be sussained-and |
wanted more bonds. But the war closed
The poor sol aiers who were alive came
home, and are BOW hard at work to help
pay the interest on my bonds. Poor fools.
They don't know any better. | wanted
an Office. got nominated for represent
alive to the legislature. \ good place to
make money. If elected, l can sell my
votes. Loyal members of congress get
rich that way. Guess | eau make it pay.
How | abuse my opponents. How | lie
about them. y lie is just as good as the
truth, if | only stick to it. The poor ig-
norant fools who live in the country swal-
low it. They don't know any better.
They have been fooled so often | guess
they can be again. at any rate its my
only chance. If they knew what mean
hypocrite l am, l should be gone up
But they don't.
Well, after all, | am not any meauer
than Ben. Butler, John Logan, old STAN
ton, or a host of other loyal men I know
Of Won't the devil have a tough crowd
when he gets US. Let us pray.
And COW I'll 60 to bed, and dream | am
elected to the legislature