The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-04-03
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ing to light it with.
- A Detroit woman has present
ed her husband with four children at a
birth. He calls her conduct over
bearing.
- A Respondent td'tor remarks
that if this country grows much worse
he shall publish the notice of births I'M
der the head of disasters.
What's the difference of the
manner of death of the barber and
sculptor? one curls up and dies, and
the other makes faces and busts.
- Congress has thrust its hand in
to steel-trap. But the hand of Con-
gress is used to steal, the trap wont
hurt it. Prentice.
- An exchange says the present
Unsuitable appetite for slatest news
makes man appear to tbe telegram
mivorous animal. SOD - aaa -
- A man being asked for his mar
riage certificate, showed a big scar a.
bout the shape of shovel, which was
satisfactory. IaH Ift FfitEzEa fHfH5
- DR.. Franklin used to say that
rich widows are the only piece of see
ond-hand goods that sell at prime
cost. -
= "A clerk ut mercantile establish
ment writes to his friends at home
II have plaguey idle time OF 1t now
a-days very little work to do our
firm don't advertise. "
- Between Memphis and Nashville
is the following inscription on sign
board at a railroad crossing !:
"Look out for the Ingine when the
whistle blows or rings. ="
- cynical chap insists that the
fewer relations OF friends we have the
happier we are. In your poverty they
help you not !; in your prosperity they
help themselves.
- A cross old bachelor says; "The
reason why women don't cut them
selves in two by tight laeing, is be-
cause they lace around the heart, and
that is SO hard they cannot effect it,
An freshman having been told
that the price of bread had fallen, eX-
claimed, "rhis is the first time | ev-
err reJoiced at the fall of my very best
friend"
A child onced asked minister.
"Do you think my Father will go to
ncapSu & - 4 bS was LtIc I6ply. = w Gil.
returned the child, if he don't have his
own way up there he won't stay long"
- "Sal," said one girl to another"
| am so glad have no beau now ~
,"Why SO ?"aslied the other. '.a
ooh, cause 1 caneat as many onions
as please" 4 " q
sn-- A ssGent" was asked what kind
of a gal he preferred fora wife. -
sOae," said he ''that wasn't prodi-
gal, but frugal, true-gaI and suited to
his conju-gdl taste" {.
In a very thin house, an actress
spoke very low in her communications
her lover. The actor whose benefit it
happened to be, exclaimed with Woe
full humor !:
sMy dear, you may speak out, there
is nobody to hear u.s."
- At dance held in the country
a pert young gentleman was asked to
spet a partner He caused slight
dropping of water falls by replying
sall the ladies are occupied !" We
''squz" our partners hand and balanced
all.
80 A stupid fellow tried to annoy
popular preacher by asking him
whether the lated calf of the parable
was male or female. ''Female, to be
sure was the reply, 'for / see the
male---looking her questioner full in
the face--yet alive in the flesh before
me-" .f.l sa6sF
-"Mrs. Jones'" said little neigh
Dor Girl to that lady, smother says Will
you please lend her the last 'Natige
Virginidn'' obleege her with q stick of
fili fhic mr. with NFinnonp
put little dab of soft soap in this pan,
and please not let your old turkey
roost on our fence any more.p
-. A lady called at shop recent
-ly and inquired of a young clerk for
'icrewel" Not willing to appear ig-
norant, nor exactly comprehendihg her
he handed down a regular twisted cow
skin. it.a' - Hs7sA
.tWhy,'' said the lady, 'that is not
what | want" s...-.... .I....s.t..a
"We1l," said the boy that's the cruel
I t thing know Of" .i.z# f
le,- "Friei.d Mallby, am pleased
that thee has got such a fine organ in
thy church. " . il. AZ attt
f.''But said, the Clergyman, Il thought
you was strongly opposed to having an
organ in church"
$50 | am" said friend Obediah :
s'but then, if thee would worship the
Lord by machinery, ] would like Tor
thee to have good Instrument"
THE grandmother ola well known
celebrated English tinsncier having
reached the patriarchal age of ninety
nine and eight months, feeling very
weak one morning, sent for her doe
tor, and asked him if he thought
she would attain the age of one hum
dred. "Well, madam, - lie replied ''you
may depend upon me doing my BEST"
"Oh do" replied the old lady; 81
should like so much to reach par"
The Illinois State Register SAYS
that during the war the Quartemaster's
Department Instructed by the niger
loving authorities at Washington, paid
negro teamsters twenty-five dollars
per month and rations, while white
soldiers detailed for duty as transfers
were only paid sixteen dollars and ra-
tions. An Illinois soldier put on duty
as mule whacker sent writtenapplica-
ton into his Captain ito be promoted
as Niger by brevet, and asking that
the President order him on duty with
pay according to rank.
An amusing Incident occurred
in this vicinity few days since. A
right jolly good fellow (but one who oe-
casionally mixes the water he drinks
little too strong was found by a lady
friend lying in too close proximity to
the highway. Before he could be re-
moved from the gaze of the travelling
public he was brought to by the query
'Well here, what's the matter nowg"
sob, not, (hic) anything Doctor, only
IL a ttNf lR.a,
scare this woman thl"l to make her
lhic, think I'se dead