Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-03-11
Odds and Ends.

No man VIII ever be able to build house
by carrying bricks in his hat.
If beauty "draws us by a single hail" )"
who can Withstand modern waterfall? "
Is IT right to describe q man who is pel.
ted with rotten eggs as Blowing his head to
the yolk p .-.' 7 ..t0....
THE first thing hen says to her brood
and not the last thing q child says to his
father-"Shell out"
WHAT is the difference between hen
and an idle musician? One lays at pleasure
and the other plays at leisure. '..
If the happy days Of wedock are called
the honeymoon, why shouldn't the unhappy
ones be styled the lunar costies2
A DANCER once said to Socrates, "You
cannot stand on one leg so long as I can. -
True replied the philosopher, 'but a
goose can"
A LITTLE BOY seeing man PROSTATE be-
fore the door of a saloon, opened the door
and said to the proprietor, "Scc here, sir,
your sign has fallen down."
A Wisconsin girl, who became crazy at
the death Of her mother, was Immediately
restored to reason when matrimony was pro-
posed. That's what fetched her."
A DANCING master in New York has in
troduced kiss Cotillion," in which the
gentleman always kisses the lady as Swing
corners" Our imp Of the ink keg say,
he will take stock in that kind Of cotilions.
AN awkward man attempting to carve q
goose dropped it on the floor.
"There, now," exclaimed his wife, "we'y We
lost our dinner"
"Oh no, my DEAR" answered he, ''it's
safe; l have got my foot upon it !"
HUSBAND, I wish you could buy me
some feathers" " ..........
Indeed, dear wife, you look better with.
out them"
"Oh, no, sir, you always call me your
little bird, and how does bird look without
feathcrs?" ..... ......
BoNrANIcL-A group Of school. boys
were endeavoring to determine to what spe-
cies the "Tree Of knowledge" should be
assigned. Little Tommy Jones, enlighten-
ed doubtless by recent experience, solved
the difficulty thus: Il guess" said he,
" Its birch treeE,' ..
VERY AFFECTINd-A farmer going to
"pet his grist ground" at mill, borrowed
a bag of one Of his neighbors. The poor
man was somehow or other knocked into the
water by the water whell and the bag went
with him. He was drowned, and when the
melancholy news was brought to his wife,
she exclaimed, "My gracious, what fuss
there'll lie about-that bag!"
"WELL John, did you take that note
gave you to Mr.. Smithers p
Yes, sir, ! took the note, but I don't
think he can read it."
"Cannot read it Why so, John p
because he is blind sir. While I wor
in the room he axed me where my hat wor,
and it wor on my head all the time"
misunderstood THE TExr.-A worthy
deacon hired journeyman farmer from q
neighboring town for the summer, and in
duced him-although he was unaccustomed
to church -going-to to accompany the family
to church, on the first Sabbath Of his stay.
Upon their return to the deacon's house, he
asked his hired man how he liked the
preaching. lie replied:
~ don't like to hear any minister preach
politics"
II am very sure you heard no politics to-
day. said the deacon.
~ am sure that l did, said the man.
Mention the passage" said the deacon.
81 will" he said, "If the Democrats
scarcely are saved, where will the Republi-
cans appearY
"Ah," said the deacon, "you mistake.
These we're the words: "If the righteous
scarcely are saved, how will the ungodly
and wicked appear
20, yes" said tho man, he might have
used those words, but knew duced we'll
wlat he meant!'
A MUSICAL CATEcHIsM.- M.-What is slur ?
Almost any remark ono singer makes
about another.
What is u rest?
Going out of choir during sermon for
refreshments.
What is singing with an understand
ing?"
Marking time on the floor with your foot.
What is symphony?
Flirting with the soprano singer behind
the organ. 80
What is a staccato movement?
Leaving the choir in huff because one
is dissatisfied with the organist.
What is a swell? s.'.. .....
A professor of music who pretends to
know all about the science, while he can not
conceal his ignorance. -a
What are grace notes?
Grcenbacks received for quarters salary.
What is a turn =? H
When one singer is discharged to make