The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1868-03-06
Concerning Skating-A Curtain Lecture
to Mrs. Mark Twain.
"0h, go to sic ep. you old FOOL

Concerning Skating-A Curtain Lecture
to Mrs. Mark Twain.
"Oh, go to sleep, you old fool"
Mr.. Mark Twain, am surprised and
grieved To-
Don't interrupt me woman tell you
it's absurd-you learn to skate !-Y on II be
wanting to play fairy in the Black Crook
Lext. tell you skating is an accomplish
ment suited only to youth and comeiiness
of face and symetIy OF figure. Nothing is
so charming as to see a charming young
girl, In the coquetish costumes of the Kinks,
with cheeks rosy with exerfion and eyes
beaming with excitement, skimming the
Ice like bird, and swooping down upon a
group OF gentlemen and pretending she
can t stop herself, and landing in the arms
| OF the very young man her father kon c
allow her to know-and dartlng away again
and falling on her head and exposing her
/ self to remarks about her carelessness,
madame--hold your tongue-and always
taking care to fall when that young man is
close by to pick her up 1t is charming
! They look pretty and interesting TOO when
they are just learhing-when they stand
still for a long time in one place, and then
start one foot giugerly, and it makes a
break for the other side of the pond and
leaves a balance of the girl sprawling on
this side But you--you look fat and awk-
ward and dismal enough any time and
when you are on skates you waddle off as
stufy and stupid and uhgainy as buzzard
that 5 had half horse tor dinner. | won't
have it, Uadam. Ami you get under lit
tie precariou, Roadway and then put your
feet together and drift along, stoop-
ing your head aud shoulders and holding
your arms out like you expected a church
was going to fall on you |; it aggravateS the
live out OF me And Tuesday. when
was ass enough to get on skates myself, and
kicked the Irish giant eye out the first
dash, and lit on my head and cracked the
ice so that it looked like the sun with all its
rays had dropped out where | struck, and
they fined me ninety two dollars for running
the mans pond Was terrified with the
conviction that | had gone through t. the
inside of the world, because | saw the
parallels of latitude glmmering around me;
and what was 1t with you, IN awkwardness,
fetching over me yonr Titles on? Youv' e
got to discard those things. l can't stand
the pewrcnt, and | won't.
MIR. Twain, | am surp-"
Hold your chatter. | tell you you
shant bring odium upon the family by
your diSgraceful attempt to skate, sprawl
ing around with your big feet, like a COW
blowing her way down hill in slippery
weather May be you would mt be so handy
about displaying those feet of yours if you
knew what occurred when took your shoes
down to get mended.
What was it p Tell me what it was
tell ME what it was this minute. | Just
know its one of your lies a."
! &c
quence-go to sleep"
But 1t Is consequence. You've got to
tell me you shan't aggravate me in that
way won't go to sleep until you tell me
what it was.
'Oh, it wasn't anything"
Twain. [ know better. You re just do
ing this to drive me to destruction. What
did the shoemaker say about my shoes ?
What did he do }? Quick
Well he-he-took it and gazcd upon
1t long time IN silence, and put his hand
kerchief to his eyes and burst into tears !"
Why you born fool Twain, are you
going stark, staring crazy ~
He just stood there and wept as if his
heart would break, poor devil! There now
let's 60 Sleep
Sleep. you lunatic /? I'll never close
my eyes till [ know what that idiot was
crying about-aad you won't either,
can tell you that. Come -
"Oh it don't matter
'Mr Twain, if you say that again l say,
I'll make you sorry for it what was that
numhskull crying about p
well. he-he-.'
"W ell, he. Out with it! Do you want
ne to-to-Twair, III snatch them pet
frnges off till the side of your head is as
bald as the top Of it.
! well, he-poor fellow he said he
dotted on his mother-tairly dotted on
her. She had .nursed him. you know, be-
cause his mother was feeble and so, Well
he came to this country fifteen years ago,
and first be set up in the vegetable line,
and got along pretty well, and vas about to
send to England for the old ladt, when
hard times came and he got broke. lie
went into the fruit, and after that into milk
into all sorts of things, you know, but he
got disappointed every time, till the pres
ent business fetched him out at last, all
right and sent right off for the old woman.
She landed here four weeks ago, but died
the very same night. 1t was hard, very
hard, after all his waiting and toiIing for
fifteen years, to get her over here at last,
and have her die on his hands. He-be -
well, he was Disguised. However, he lai
her out and he and his friends sat up with
her, and by and by the memory of her vir-
| tues softened his bitterness and turned it TO
a tender grief-a settled melancholy that
hung about his spirit like pail for many
days. However, by patiently striving to
keep sad thoughts out of his mind, he was
finally sbeginning TO regain some little of
his old time cheerfulness, when your sh oe
reminded bin so painfully of his poor saint
ed grandmother coffin
Take that, you brute and if you dare
to come back here I'll kick you out again !!
You degraded old ruffian u
ss4- In Paris recently, gentleman leav-
ing cafe, hastily put on an overcoat
! which he discovered before be had zone a