Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1868-11-05
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

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The hand tha, can make a pie il
a continual feast 10 the husband that
marries IT,
Why Is the letter A the best remedy
for a deaf womani Because It malsos
her hear.
Capital diversion for woman--To
have her head turned by "charming
fellow"
We are all children Of time. Men
are the sons Of morning, and women
are the daughters Of Eve.
No matter what part other persons
may play, a grocer is very sure 10
play the counterpart.
Cato, the elder, said, "That wise
men learned more from fools, than
fools from wise men"
"How do you mix your colors z"
said a connoisure to a great artist
"With brains, sir !" was the reply.
The Greek slave-Tho poor Irish
man who has to curry hod all day
for twelve shillings
An editor asks his subscribers TO
pay him that ho may play the same
joke on his creditors
Model wives formerly took "a stitch
in time" but now, with the aid of q
sewing machine, they take one in no
time.
The reason that Butler favors the
gfeenbaclC system Is because be is
afraid that his spoons will be melted
and run into coin.
Austria has forbidden army officers
TO swear at sabordinates. This is an
example; America might follow with
out detriment TO the "services."
A charity scholar, under examine
tion in the Psalms being asked, "What
is the pestilence that walketh in dark
ness 7" he replied "please sir, bed
bugsw
"In my youth" says Robert Wal.
pole, 81 thought Of writing satire
upon mankind but now, in my old
age, l think Ishould write an apology
for them"
A Californian writes to the papers
about snake with bead as large as
as a milk-pan and eyes like apples.
lie saw twenty feet Of the snake and
didn't stay for the rest.
True wealth consists in virtue, and
not in the possession of great estates
and wisdom consists in understanding
and not in years. The wiscst of men
is he who has the most ciyility for
others
"Where does this road lead TO ?"
"To the devil !" was the surly an
swer of the "nativo."
"Well, judging by tho lay OF the
land; and the appearance of the inhab-.
itants, | kalkerlate I'm most there"
Hearts, the best card in the chance
game Of matrimony; somtimes over.
come by diamonds and knaves often
won by tricks aud occasionally treated
in a shufiing manner, and then cut
altogether.
As the steeple Of a church was being
painted recently, the attention of
little girl was attracted by the staging
put up about it. She appeared una
bic TO comprehend; but finally, after
moments reflection, said 81 guess
it is the crinoline."
A stray contraband from down
South was lately inspecting a horse
power in operation, when he broke
ont thus "Mster, l have seen b caps
of th ings in my life, but | never saw
anything whar horse could do his
own work and ride himself, too"
At a marriage ceremony recently
performed at Pre-Saint- Gervais,
France, the young bridegroom com.
planned of drowsiness, and before the
wedding breakfast was over be fell
into a sound sleep, from which he was
not awakened during eight successive
days and nights.
"Sir, I'd have you TO know that /
keep one of the best tables in the citv.
Sir" exclaimed an indignant land
lady to boarder who had been finding
fault with his fare. "That may be
true, ma'am," quietly retored the
boardori "but you put very little
upon il"
Old Sam Lathrop, the clown in Fore
paugh's circus, has got the bond ques-
tion reduced TO science. He SAYS
the people have to get up at 500 and
work until l0-40, in order that the
bondholder may lie in bed until 1910
and retire at 7-20. The meaning of
the 5-20's is, it takes the labor of twen-
" men to support FIVE bondholders in
idloness The laboring man gets 50
OF his earnings and pays $40 TO the
bondholders.
A schOolin Massachusetts was under
examination, when one of the exami-
ners said
"If / had mince pie, and should
give three-twelfths to John, three
twelfths to Isaac, and should keep
half the pie myself, what would there
be left.
There was profound study among
tho scholars, but finally one lad held
up his hand as a signal that he was
ready 70 answer.
"Well, sir, what will there be left 2
Speak up loud, so that all can hear"
said tho examiner.
"The plate" shouted the hopeful
fellow.
TREASURE REoovERED.-About three
years ago the steamer Jacob Carter
was burnt on the Mississippi, and the
hulk, containing an Adams Express
safe, IN which was the sum of two
hundred and four thousand dollars,
belonging to different parties, sunk.
a fortnight ago the safe was raised
from the wreck and sent TO the Treas.
ury Department, where the contents
have undergone examination, and \,
seems likely that the Government will
redeem all but about $4,000 or 500