The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-11-20
dIrif ans 0nl.,nr

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- How getbranded-drink brau-
iy.
-, Man leads women to the altar
in that act his lead rship begins and
ends.
- a Western editor has got such a
cold in his head. that the water freezes
on his head when h. washes it.
- Why should tetotallers never
hold their meetings at a theatre? Be-
cause there should be drop seen at
them.
- A Salt Lake paper concludes a
marriage notice: 1.-The convivialties
of the evening were chaste and exhil-
Grating"
- A sporting man being solicited
TO insure his lite. replied: He would be
Id il he wonld play any game he
had to die to win.
=. Saratoga ladies' are so obliging
as To furnish reporters the size of tn ,ir
waists, and the value of their dia-
monds.
~ To kill rats-This receipt Is cheap
and never tails: When you retire for
the night place a hit of cheese in your
mouth. Care should be taken to keep
the mouth well open. and when the rats
whiskers tickle your throat, bite.
- An abandoned wretch who was
warned by temperance friend to "look
not upon vitae when it is red within
cup" replied. II never touch red wine;
whiskey agrees better with my consti-
tuition"
- The following advertisement APP
pcared in a Texas paper ''lf the per-
son who took the white "ater-Yroof
coat belonging to Capt, Johnson, will
apply to the barracks, he can have the
peg it used to hang upon, rs it is OF no
use to the owner"
- DR.. Francis was once at a dinner
where thirteen people were present,
which somebody gravely remarked was
an odd number. II admit said he that
it Is unlucky in one CASE" What is
that?" "When there is only dinner
enough for twelve ~
Nurse-"Well. Mr.. Charles how
do YOU get on in the country D.
MIR. Charles-"Why Hemma. shant
be sorry when we returns t. town, |
amt a sportin man, you know and there
is no society here but fishin' and shoot
in"
- eoekney inquired at rhe gen
eral post office the other day for a LETT
ter for Emery Hog,len." He was told
there was none. "Look ere," he replied
a little angrily. "youv'e hexamined a
hold letter for myra ne. 1t don't COM
mence with hatch 1t begins with
no! Look in the ole that's got the
hos! !"
After political meeting in one
of our suburban towns. the speakers
adjourned to the house ola leading cit
izen, who among other refreshments
brought out choice bottle of brandy.
The doctor refused to drink any, but
taking up the bottle held it to his nose.
.'Ishave cot you now," said the judge.
.'for | shall report that the last time |
saw you, you Smeh Of brandy.
,--"Ma. didn't the minister say last
Sunday that the sparks flew upward 2"
eyes my dear how came you to be
thinking oft ?''
t.Becanse yesterday, ! saw cousin
Sally'sspark staggering along the street
and fall downward"
Here Bridget put this child to bed
she must be getting sleepy.
A traveller was boasting of the
luxury ofarriving at night. after hard
DAYS Journey. to partake of the enjoy
ment OF a we'll cut ham and the left leg
Of a goose.
"Pray sir. what's the peculiar lux
hry of the left leg?"
ssSir, to conceive its luxury. you must
find ont that it IS the only leg that is
left, and that you have no right to it,"
= Young ladies'. says the Wash
ington Star, who are indnlging in the
latest styles should be OIL the look out
for q plainly dressed benevolent faced,
elderly gentleman from the country
who is just now frequentIng our popu-
lar streets armed with vial of pepper
mint, which he insists on Offering to
passers-by who display the Grecian
bend. The old gentleman thinks some
thing ails them.
= An Irishman driven TO despera-
ton by the stringency of the money
market. and the high price of provisions
procured a pistol and took the road
Meeting traveller, he stopt him with
Your money or your iife."
Seeing Pat was green. he said
81 will tell you what III dol will
give you all of my money for that pis-
toll"
agreed" Pat received the money,
and handed over the pistol.
"Now," said the traveller, ''hand
back that money, or l will blow your
brains OUT"
sBlaze away me hearty, niver drop
of powther there's in it,"
= Our friend Murray tells us an
agricultural anecdote that comes in
One of his neighbors en-
played a gentleman of the Hibernian
persuasion, one spring, to take care of
his grounds. He was exceedingly green
but he was simply to obey instructions
and accordingly he came every MORN
ing to receive orders what to do for the
day. His first order was 20 spread a
heap OF manure.
IAN what'll do that fur, sir ?" said
he.
"Why, 'said his employer. owe spread
il so that the roots wiz find it,"
AN they will find it b. spreading
i sir ?"
"Yes of course they will find it any
where"
Out went Michael and commenced his |
abor. The manure was very heavy, |
md by and by, began to wear upon the |
.inews of the toiler. About noon his
went out 90 see now ne got |
along, and found him sweating furious
".
''Did you say SIR said Michael. "that
plants would find the manure any
yhere2"
"Yes," was the reply.
"Well, then bedad." said the perspir-
ng Irishman, wiping his head upon his
leeve, ''wouldn't it be bether To lave it
n the sthable, sir. an let them fad it
here? Twould save much hard work
o ye see SIR" /