The Van Buren press., 1868-06-05
Budget Of ScisSoriugs'
Sketch Of Hans Patrick lie Conno'
BY ONE who KNOWS nIN


lie Counor, this must be stopped
lIe,e you come crawling into tel stmid-
night Ike thief creeping in nj window.
Can yoale amsn or not2"
Botli maaam,l both, which do YOU
preferi"
You want tn be the death of me- Do
You suppose | am am going TO put up
with such trestment slways9 What is
that on your breath Whisky? No
know that too well, thanks to the in
PRODUCTION you gave me Brandy No
lie ConnOr what is it?'
My dear, that il the eleventh article
ofimpeschment that smells so strongly
The breath of every loyal man in Saint
Louis smells precise the same way"
h" YOU a loyal man! lie Connor, have
n notion to kick YOU out of bed, YOU
laa2en faced, good for nothing Copper
head What have YOU got TO do with
the eleventh article Of impeachment? Go
aud pay for the eleventh pound Of butter
wc,haye eaten this month and then talk
tomc of loyalty. YoWa loyal man. lie
Connor | can stand this no longer"
Bully, Now | can 90 TO sleep
" Tell nc, lie Connor, what YOU have
been doing tonight it is not the clev-
cnth article of Impeachment, or whatever
YOU call it, that kept youup so long
My dear, why do you call me lie
Connor? Why don't you say Hapsy
PanSy ayop did when we first got mar
riedEsrg. y s......
liansy Pansy! I've a notion to tear
all the hair out of your old bald head
Johnson and the eleventh article of i'm
parchment win soon be the death of you
and me too. How do you suppose | am
going to endure all this2 Why didn't
YOU tell me what sort of a man you were
before you took me away from home ?"
Ny dear, have been advertising my
lecture" arrra4t..
-" lie Connor, have You brought cof-
fin for me? Lecture. | mean to get
right out of bed. You egotistical old
fool! Pretty soon suppose you will
be Gagged up as wild beast with Butler
and the other people in the menageric Or
you will be dancing in the ballet IoU
lecture lie Connor, knew | was mar
rying man with head on and | thought
the head had some brains in it. Now,
youare going to exhibit yourself on the
stage, merel ly to show that was greater
fool than YOU, and that was humbugged.
Lecture ! What in the name of common
sense are you going to lecture about?
What is it have seen you sleep with
your mouth open, and have heard you
swear at midnight because the bootjack
was notunder the bed but | never heard
an original idea come out of your mouth
yet Lecture, will yon? o, you old
brute IN lecture you' ..
Thank you, ma'am You've done
that pretty thoroughly already"
lie Gennor, know what you mean.
louwant to insinuate that talk great
deal. SO | do, lisa privilege | own,
AMI the only thing have ever owned
since 1 became acquainted with you. The
people want to hear you. ;. o, no doubt
! wish they could hear as much YOU as
do. They would soon be satisfied.
Night after night you come in with your
long stories to tell You never read the
papers. All you know is your miserable
lecture, Do,you know that the Govern
or of Tennessee is dying?"
Madam, excuse me. | had heard
nothing ofit." gr-q v-s.5 o.. ..ff.r TO-. ..
Maybe your particular friend, Ben
Butler, will die in a few days. Then what
will you say"
\A MO =,
room for one at time. Satan told me
personally that he had no intention of
breaking up his institution, and that
Brownlow and Butler could come singlv
but they never could come together"
?" fhere You 60 again, lie Connor,
crazy as bedbug' You are determined
that cvcrybodyi in the country shall know
you are. q Copperhead A few weeks
ago you were ashamed to achno wledge
that you were Democrat"
"(llic. } Eleventh article of impcach
ment. madam Biggest thing in the
w9ld.'N 11'H I'll IlnI r-~8I ~.
A foUNs LADIES REASONS FOR NOT
DANlNG.--l. Dancing would lead me into
crowded rooms and late hours, which are
injurious to health and usefulness
= Dancing would lead me in close con
tact with very promiscuous company, and
"evil communications corrupt good man
ners." # Ell . Hs
3, Dancing would require me to use and
permit freedom with tho other sex, which
believe to be wrong. s-.ry
A, My parents and friends would be anx-
ious about me II | were out late, keeping
company with they know not whom.
D. Ministers and good people in general
disapprovc Of dancing, and | think it is
not safe to set myself against them if a
thing be even doubtful, wish to lie on the
safe side --
g. Dancing has bad name, and / mean
to study things that are pure, lovely and Of
good report.
/, nancihg is generally accompanied