The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1868-05-29
SOME ACCOUNT OF
SLIGHT MISTAKE.
BY JOHN QUILL.

lgal SON. tOauicu w DO PoP~A
clan; shot ut as notorious borae'
rufian; mistaken and kissed by aftec
tionate and good-lookiBg daughters as
heavenly father; thrashed as false Low
er, and run away from by people wht
regarded me as the ghost OF some deaS
man OF other. F..... 7-.
And now here is woman wht
swears / am her truant husband, ant
who has proclaimed the fact 30 loudly
that there is O fair prospect OF my
serving out q sentence in Jail for th'
crime of bigamy.
was sitting in the parlor of the no
tel at Oldcastle, Delaware, the othel
day, talking with some friends, anc
there was hatchet-faced female, VIII
two children, looking out OF the window
at the other end of the room. Directly
she turned around, looked at me for
minute, and with wild cry of delight
sprang forward, flung her arms aroune
nv neck and kissed me about sixty-fouI
times. Drawing back Indignantly, as
soon as was able, / said in my sever
est tones:
Madam, what is the meaning of this
outrageous conduct ~
"Oh, my dear William, have / found
you at lasti Oh, my dear, dear, Viii
liam! ~ .n-.r,. ....-
And she commenced strasgling and
smothering me again.
@Madam," said 1, sternly, "you may
have found me at last, but l want you
to distinctly understand that my name
is not dear William"-for l was getting
mad. a... r.rr..4 s.r.
"Oh, Willian," says this scaudalous
female, still hanging on to my neck and
mussing my shirt collar. ."Oh, William
do you not recognize your own fond
Maria Do you not, dear WilliamW
"No, / do not recognize my own fond
Maria, dear William" was my reply
~ never had q fond Maria ofmy own in
all my born days, and what's more,
don't want one, either. You'd better
go and lie down, you don't seem very
we'll" -y
"Our dear children know their faith
err said this wretched woman. "Come
here, Mary Jane and Matilda, and kiss
your loving papa"
Then both Of her brats pranced up
and grabbed me by the trousers and
wanted me to kiss them.
"Why, you two children don't pre-
tend to say Pm your father, do Your
ooh, yes you are our dear papa,
said both of these depraved young
cubs.
"Why, you scandalous little story.
tellersm m said /, amt you ashamed to
tell such an awful fib Don't you know
where wicked story-tellers of your age
90 Let 60 of me, or III larrup you till
you can't stand; will, upon my sacred
word and honor"
"Oh, William, DEAR" said their moth.
or, "you surely remember the happy
happy days of our cOurtship, when be-
meath the soft moonlight we walked to.
gether by the side of the murmuring
stream, and whispered the soft accents
of affection :"
"No, l don't remember any such
thing, and l never did it either. Inever
walked out in the moonlight; never
heard a stream murmur in the whole
course of my life, and ! always was
down on the soft accents of affection.
So You see there's no use of bothering
me-"
"And do you not recollect the time
YOU first came tc our home, and sat in
the back parlor with me, until father
got mad and walked in and kicked you
down stairsp
"Of course don't. I'd have smashed
him on the nose if he had kicked me
YOU can bet. l wouldn't have stood any
of his nonsense. tell you Pm not the
man, ......
"And then next day my two brothe
met you in the street, and because y
had won my young love, tackled you
and thrashed you nearly to death Dc
you remember this, dear Williamip
II tell you my name amt William,
and don't know your relations or their
heft, but you never had brother or q
cousin, or any other relation, who was
able to thrash me. don't want any OF
your family foOling around me. III
fog a whole mass.meeting of them.
Now 90 away from me or III call the
landlord" said !, for this woman begun
to get aggravaring.
"Oh! William" says she, "you have
forgotten all that happy past, am
afraid. But surely, dear, you can call
to mind Jim Sykes, who was your rival
for my hand, and who used to come
round of evenings and try to sit you
ont, and who made you so mad, by his
attentions to mei You remember him
don't you, my dear William
Madam, if you mean me by that
phrase, / don't. If l had been counting
yod, and had had n rival, | would have
backed square out and given him all
the chances. would have done more
l would have given him ten dollars to
go in and win, and take you of my
hands, and considered the money well
spent. l just wish Bill was here, do
indeed. Spose'n / send for hi N shall
Ip
80 no, dear, it's no use, we are mar
ried now."
"If we are Pm DutQhman. I'd rather
be in the psnitentiary on life sentence
If l were married to you I'd blow my
brains out with the very first horse
pistol came across, and make a will to
keep You from going to the funeral; j
would, indeed.D
"Oh, William" says this annoying fe
ma!e, you are Irlulng WIN me. You
certainly remember the night yor
seized my hand and with trembling
voice, asked me to be yoursi And YOU
know how l blushed and bowed nv
head upon yoar bosom and wept tear,
of tender JOY"
~ certainly don't remember any such
ridiculous thing. l don't believe YOU
can blush to save your life, and as for
butting around on my waistcoat with
that bandolinsd head of yours, I'd see
you in Kansas before I'd allow it,"
"And then" continued she, withou,
noticing my remarks, "you took me "a
the altar, and made NE your bride, and
led me away, to our happy, happy home
and
"Fd like to lead You over pier into
fifty feet ef cold water some time.n
"And then our friends loaded u.
down with presents, tokens of theiI
heartfelt Affection
81 never got cents worth of any OF
your miserable friends,r said l. a
don't believe any of them ever shelled
out dime either. Blow me if do"