Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-03-04
Odds and Ends.


ark2 Preserved pairs. a b. 1'f6 ndl 81
Ar what season did Eve eat the apple?
Early in the fall. '1r5'fe9 3. 'aaba5' s.a
TaE Oldest business in the world-the
nursery business. m ''
WHY is dancing like milk2 Because it
strengthens tho calves. I...., -. .,,,-,,.
You cannot preserve happy domestic
pairs in family jars. u.ts ata. ,rr
Why is doll like jelly2 Because il 10
made with eyes in glass q q Oh 90 ss.'
JOHN SMITH has started daily paper 10
Canada. Everybody knows him. ...tT
WANT less than you have and you will
always have more than you want >
CARPENTERS should. be looked after---
many Of them are counter-6tters. .n 80
A CITY confectioner advcrtises broken
hearts for thirteen cents per pound. rss,
Our depa says ''hoops surround the love.
licst Of all things-girls and whisky: r.i
EVERY man magnifes injuries he has no.
ceived and lessons those he has inflicted. a7
Why is coffee like an ak with dull edge?
Because it must be ground before it is used.
Why is the James river like keg Of Ia.
ger beer? Because they both aow into the
dutch gap.
A NEWLY married editor has discovered
chat there is deal Of illusion about even.
ing dresses. .. ...
II AN passionately fond of paintings
as young man said when he kissed tho
rough check Of his sweetheart
A CHAP, who was told to remember
Lots wife," replied that he had bccn il
trouble enough already about other men's
wives.
"IKNow we'll enough" said fellow,
"where fresh fish comes from, but where
these salt ones arc catched, I'll he hanged If,
I can tell" .-.- -,
A CHARITY scholar, under examination in
the Psalms, being asked, "What is the pes
thence that walketh in darkness?" replied
"Plcase, sir, bed-bugs" aI g
A YOUNG lady refused to 60 into tho Wa
terville arsenal because she heard that some
Of the muskets were without brooches. She
viewed the arsenal from distance. nj
A YOUNG man who was about jumping
from train while in motion, was deferred
by reporter, who asked for bis name, age,
business and residenocfor an obituary item.
l"WnY did Joscph's brethren cast him
into pit?" asked school teacher Of his
class. because" replied one young lady,
"they thought it good opening for young
man."
AT colorcd party Sambo asked DinaL if
he should help her to some Of the breast.
"Now amt you 'shamed, to soy breast be.
fore de ladies'? I'll take piece OBJ turkey
BOSOM"
SMART BoY.-"My child, take these eggs
to the store and.f you can't get ninepenoo
dozen, bring them back faa .
Mother, let me alone for trsds. They
all tried to get en- for . shilling, but I
screwed 'em down to ninepenca"
Mrs. PARTrNaroN says: For my part,
can't deceive what on airth eddication is
comm 10. When I was young, if q girl
only understood The rules Of distraction,
| provision, multiplying, and tho common de-
nominator, and all about the ri7ers.and their
obituaries, the covenants and their dormito-
ries, the provinces and the umpire, they had
eddication enough. But now they have to
demonstrate sappositions about the syco-
plants Of parallelgramps, to say nothing Of
oxhides ashesds, cowsticks and abstruss
triangles." And here the old lsdy was 90
confused with technical names she broke
down. '."
SIdNs.-It is good sign to see man do
an act Of charity-a bad sign to hear bilu
boast'of it. ,-.
It's good sign to see an honest man
wearing his old clothes-bsd.. sign to see
them filing holes in the windows. -.
~ 6ooO o'Su w SCO . Anu Wlpd lUo
perspiration from his brow-bad to see him
wipe his lips as he comes out Of cellar.
It's a good sign to see woman dressed
with taste and neatness- bad to see her hus.
band sued for 6nery. .aesi .aa'' $50
It's q good sigu to see man advertise ia
the papers-bad to see the sheriff advertise
for him. a9" 7f.a' .-z
It's good sign to see man sending his
children to school-bad to sec them educs.
ted at the night school in the street. -r
Mlrsrc schools arc greatinstitutions. Mr..
Jiggcrs, known in public as Signor Jiggers,
got hold of pulpit last week who was one
horse and hitch strap ahead Of him. 5
"What is . voice2' asked Jigsers.
"The compound extract of wind"
"What is music"
"An atmospheric banking institution
which never redeems the notes it issues"
"What are wind instruments ?"
"Great blowers" ..t.........
"Name o few Of them. " -..-.,
60 WILL h,,0laa sonsafion nraachara frorn