The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1868-02-13
Mark Twain,s EulOgY Of Woman.

Tho Washington Correspondents
Club held its anniversary on Satur.
day night Mr.. Clemens, better
known as Mark Twain, responded to
toast, "Womau, tho pride Of the
professions aud the jewel Of ours"
Ho said:
Mn. PRrsipsST-I do not know
why should have been singled out
to receive the greatest distinction of
the evening--ror so the office Of re
plying TO the toast TO woman has
been regarded in every age. Ap
plause DO not know why l have
received this distinction, unless 1t be
that am triao less homely than
the other members Of the Club But
be this as it may, Mr. President, |
am proud Of the position, aud you
could not have chosen any QUO who
would have accepted it more gladly,
or laborod with heartier good will
to do the subject justice, than l. BE
cause, sir, | love the sex. Laugh
tori | love all the women, sir, ire
spcctiyc Of ago or color. Laugh
ter
Human intelligence cannot esti
mate what We owe TO woman, sir.
She sews on our buttons, laughter,
she mends our clothes, laughter,
she ropes US in at the church fairs
she conides in us; she tells US what.
! ever she can find out about the little
private affairs of the neighbors-she
gives us good advice aud plenty of it
she gives piece Of her mind, some.
times-qnd sometimes all Of it--she
soothes our aching brows-she bears
our children. In all relations of life,
sir, it is but just and graceful trib
ute to woman to say of her that she
is brick. [Gre't Laughter.
Wherosoevcr you place woman,
sir-in whatsoever position of estate
she is an ornament to that place
she occupies, and treasure to tho
world. Here Mr.. Twain paused,
looked inquiringly at his hearers,
aud remarked that the applause
should come in at this point. 1t
came in. Mr.. Twain resumed his
eulogy Look at the noble names
Of history Look OF Cleopatra look
at Desdamona Look at Florence
Nightingale Look at Joan or Arcl
Look at Lucretia Borgia, Disap.
probation expressed. "Well," said
Mr.. Twain, scratching his head
doubtmlly, suppose we let Lucretia
slide Look at JOice lIethl Look
at Mother Eve! repeat it, sir, look
at tho ilustrious namcs of historyl
Look mt Widow Mdckreel Look ut
Luch Stone Look al Elizabeth
Cudy Stanton Look at George
Francis Train Great Laughter !
And ar, | say with bowed head aud
deepest veneration, look at the moth.
er of Washington She raised a
boy that could not lie--cOuia not lie
Applause. But he necer hpd any
chdnce l might have been different
with him If he hal belonged to u
newspaper correspondents club.
LauE Ehter. groans, Kisses, cries OF
"put him out Mark looked around
placidly upon his excited audience,
aud resumed
l repeat, sir, that in whatever posi-.
ton you place woman she is an Or
nament to society aud treasure to
the world. As sweetheart she has
few equals, and no snperiors.
Laughter AS IL cousin she is con.
venienti AS a wealthy grandmother,
with an incurable distemper, she is
precious; as wet nurse she has no
equal among men! Laughter
What, sir, would the people of this
earth do, without woman? They
would be scarce, sir. Then let Us
cherish her--let us protect her-let
US give her our support, our eucour.
agement, our sympathy-ourselves,
if we get chance. Laughter
But, jcsting aside, Mr.. President,
woman is lovable, gracious, kind of
heart, beautiful-worthy of all re-
spect, Of all Difference. Not any
here will refuse to drink her health
right cordially, fer each aud every
one of US has personally known, aud
loved, and honored, the very best of
them all--his own motherl Zap
plause.