Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-05-29
AnNlprona.

feet on one.
y rEDAGoGCE asked his scholars ii any OF +.
.hem could quote a passage Of Scripture +
which forbade man having two wives,
wheyeupon the whole school cried out, mo
man can serve two masters.
Az oYeFbeariug lawyer, endeayouns to
1rowbeat witness, told him he could plain /
y see rogue in his face. Il never knew
lll now, said the witness, "tbat my face
vas looking glass
Ar colored party, SamLo asked Dinah il
be should help her to some Of tLe breast
''Now amt you shamed, Sambo, to say
breast before the ladies. I'll take piece Oh
turkey bosom.
PAPER in Indianapolis, Ind, proposes
that hereafter, Instead Of saying "Let US sing
the DoAoiogy, sae minister shall say, ''Let
US put on orercoats, adjust furs, slip on
gloves, grab our bat, look at Tie clock and be
dismissed.
ARE you not alarmed al he approach Of
the King Of TerrorsT' said "A minister Of
sick man.
"Oh, no have been living siz-aud
thirty years with the queen Of Terrors; the
king cant be much worse.
PngrrY girl to Charles Charley. how far
is it around the world? Isn't it tweuly-four
Thousand" Charles who adcres pretty girl
and puts both arms around herr That's all
a mistake. my love: it is only about twenty
four inches. She was all The world TO him.
Dear Charley
''TomIy, my son, what are you going to
DO with shat club?' Send il to the editor,
Of course ''But what are You going to send
it to the editor for?' cause be says if any
body win send him a club, he viii send them
a paper. The mother came pretty near
faintiug, but retained her consciousness /
enough TO ask: But Tommy dear, what
do you suppose he wants with club z. f
''Wen, don't know, replied the hopeful .
urchin, unless it is to knock down subscri- .
bers as don't pay for their paper
a CITY fop being in country tavern boast.
ed Of his cash, and agreed to drop money in
a bat with any one present, the man who
held ont the longest to have the whole and
reat the company. which was rather large
4 farmer accepting the challenge, the fop
iropped five dollar greeubaek in the hat,
md the farmer followed with zen cent shin
'!aster. SO on, said the Top. II Won't
aid the farmer; you take the whole and
reat the company.
Tug following auecdate Of Ben. Butter Is
Ike hi il as if be had set for it
The General, while in active practice in
Iassa;husetts, was terror and torment TO
udge. Of thin calibre. On one occasion /
Judge Sanger having been builied and badg
red ont of all patience, petulantly asked
What does the counsel suppose ] am on
his bench for?'
Scratching his head minute, BeI1amin /
: replied well confess your Honor. got +
ne tbere!'
a A,Gw STYLE or ScrIrTuEE.-P Passing by /
gfmestone cutters yard the other day, We
happened TO hear conversation between our /
riend, who is an artist on monumental mar /
lie, aad an old gen. Of the original Ieuton- (
C persuasion. Says he
..AIr. wants doom stone for my wife yots I
led. and wants on make him NIT little 0it
1e,5 on.
All right, replied the accommodating /
artist, and the price was arranged.
"VeiI. now said he, ,'vot You shurge for
3ue doom stone for me. as dies soon TOO, /.
II 800, a.- ,,,oV ,,;t. hin. ,.rgg
''The price was fixed, and the old man.
turning to 90 said,
"Dats all right, gives you dat, but mind
Mr. 1 wants 0,y lite angels nat bo'csers o'l'
We left then.
How PAT Cor TO BosroE.-Some years
ago, an Irishman in the city of Portland
Maine. accosted the captain Of a steamer,
to inquire the fare 10 Boston. when the fol
lowing colloquy eusued Good moruiu', (
Could you be afther tellin' me what's the fare
to Bosbton21 "Tbree dollars, answered /.
the captain '.But suppose [ wiut outside p
In that case, said the captain, you can
20 for two dollars" This was undoubtedly |.
more money than Pat had; so he scratched /
his head and looked perpexed for few mo-
meuts, when a bright thought seemed to
strike bim-.'I say, Capting, what would
We be arther takin' hunthred and sixty
pounds Of freight for?' 'Seventy-fye
cents, replied the captain. Thin ye may
put me down, capting, for m jist the boy
that weighs that. The captain turned to the
clerk, saying 'Put on the freight list one
hundred and sixty pounds of live Irishmsn,
and stow him in the hold.
4 rEAyrKLyo book agent stopped at
tavern 10 New Jersey, while on tramp.
The landlady was widow, The mother of
three uneommonIy plain daughters, who took
fancy to the agent While at dinner one
day, he was requested by the widow to carve
the meat and serveii ont TO the company at
the table. my dear madam. said he,
really you must excuse me, for DO not I'M
derstand carving. lam accustomed to being
served-not doing service "Not nnder-
stand carving meat Mercy on us!' ejaca-
lated the lady, "what bind of woman must
your mother have been? \ fine husband
you make, to be sure Why, If you was
to come to me and say, Widow Fox, can /
have one Of your gals for wife2 ] would
say to YOU Mr.. T., you can't, until you learn
+ 70 carve meat Give yourself no uneas;.
+ ness, my dear madam, replied r ~ doa,,
want either Of them; they look too much iil,.
/ their mother. It's said he left The house
in hurry, and did not venture near il again,
for fear Of some very unpleasant couso-
quenees