Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-06-09
Noted and Quoted.

Cleopatra was woman OF Marc.
A favorite American letter-an X.
A paper that takes-a sheriff s warrant.
Sins that all mankind abhor-medicines.
Something always on hand-your thumb.
Weapons of the world-the earth's axis.
A deadly gap-when churchyard's yawn.
Used up-an umbrella-when its raining.
Fits that are not fatal to actors-Bene-fts.
A hint to an Infatuated printer
yourself
A man may be called hard up when supper
ted by stone post
A Canadian editor, attacked by rufian on
bridge. threw him into the river and made an
item of him.
A Frenchman, wishing to say of young Ia
dy that she was as gentle as lamb, thus ex'
pressed himself-"She be mooch tame like the
petite mouton."
One of the editors in Union had clean shirt
about which he made brag, and abused his
contemporaries for having none. 1t afterwards
appeared that he had stolen it off pole from
brother editor who was in bed waiting for it
to dry.
The editor of the Morristown Gazette duns
his patrons as follows: "A man might as well
attempt to quench the phosphorescent emana-
tons from the tail end of a lightning bug with
squirt gun, as to try to run newspaper with
out money"
An Irishman living on the coast of Maine,
being out of work during the past winter, spent
his time in building boat in bis cellar. When
asked how he was to get it out, he said BE
jabers, I never thought of that. The house
had to be raised and the back wall of the cellar
taken out before the launch could take place. =
"Why," said physician to his Incorporate
neighbor, don't you take regular quantity
every day-set regular stake, that you will go
so far and no farther?' Il do" replied the
her ''but | set it down SO far off, that [ get
drunk before | get to it.
Monster-"I IN afraid I'm sitting on your
crinoline, ma am. y
Afable young lady-"O, never mind sir, it s
of no consequence; you can't hurt it. -
Monster-'No, ma am it's not that; but the
confounded thing hurts met
Adolph-admirer of his sentiment-"Good
night beloved-may the drowsy god soon wrap
that beauteous form in slumber-may delicious
dreams hover o er thy couch = Emily-his wife
somewhat matter of fact-''Good- night Be
sure you turn the gas off put your boots out,
and don't snore."
An Inshman being asked at the dinner table
whether he would take some apple pie, said
SIS it houlsome?'
ITO be sure it is; why do you ask that ques-
ton ?'
''Bekase [ once had an uncle that was killed
with apple pick, and sure [ thought it some
thing of the same sort of dish. -
"Well, if this ain mean p said an indignant
pickpocket. Here's this fellow a-goin about
with this here yeller chain, and when | pulls it
out there s no watch on the end of it. The
conduct of such hashy clerks is enough to break
the heart of poor fellow like me, as has to de-
pend on his trade for a living"
A story is told of an old fellow in Michigan,
who, when the country was new, got lost in che
woods several times while hunting. He was
told to buy pocket compass, which he did,
and a friend explained to him it's use. He soon
got lost and lay out as usual When found, he
was asked why he did not travel by the COM
pass. He stated that he did not dare to. He
wished to 60 north, and he tried hard to make
the blamed thing point north but 'twant no use;
'twould diddle, diddle, diddle right round, and
point about southeast every time!'