Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1868-02-13
,Na1aaruns 9epartmemt.
HOW TOM ROUSED HER.

The wife of Tom Gordon is victim tt
imaginary ailments, and is never so conten
as when living according to the direction o.
her medical adviser. DR.. Valentine nov
understands her whims and oddities so vel
that he humors her in every caprice if sht
imagines rheumatism is her complaint, HI
agrees with her, and prescribes some harm
less potion if she thinks her appetite de
creasing, some bread pills keep her in gooe
spirits until the fancied symptoms of some
other disease induce her to send again fol
him.
During the last four years Tom has of:
ten wished that his wife would roll down
stairs and break her foolish head, for the
reason that the physician and apothecary'
bills make serious inroad upon his for
tune. EEa ....s
About three months ago she complained
ola pain in her side, and, as usual, the
doctor was summoned. After prescribing
two or three bottles of different compounds,
all harmless, but rather expensive, he said :
call you want to assist medicine in et-
fecting cure is little rousing. Although
your ailment is serious it is not dangerous.
Assume little energy, and y"n viii reeov-
er. Remember, rouse yourself"
After the doctor had retired, the patient
fancied that at last some serious disease
was beginning to manifest itself, and, like
fool, she went to bed in despair.
Tom understood the case thoroughly,
from long experience, and said mentally:
ssShe wants rousing, does she =? Well,
I'll give her surprise that will startle
her." .-.-. --. .-... .. 49,.
Mrs. Hake, an attractive widow, was en-
gagged to act in the capacity of nurse to
Mrs. G.. The widow is young, buxom, a.
miable, and Tom thought her attractive
qualities might be made available in giving
the patient the necessary rousing.
A short consultation with Mrs. Hake
resulted in the arrangement of a plan, the
execution of which was to induce Mrs. G..
to forever afterwards throw physic to the
dogs.
Late in the next evening, while the patient
was fretting and groaning, and announcing
her intention of giving up the ghost, Tom
called Mrs. Hake aside and said to her in
o pretended whisper, but loud enough to
be heard by the invalid:
'sPoor Fanny she is about to die at last,
and so you and may as we'll arrange for
eur marriage"
Tom threw glance over his shoulder as
he spoke, and observed that the dying patient
ceased her groaning and began to rouse
herself. Arising quickly to sitting pos
ture in the bed to note every word OF the
conversation, she stared at them with eyes
as big as small onions boiled.
e'Twill be relief to her." continued
Tom, s'for she has always been an invalid.
I, too, have Suffered as we'll as she; but
with you, the picture of health, as my wife,
happiness will be complete"
The widow threw herself upon Toms
shoulder, her arms about his neck, and be-
gan to chew his vest in mouthfuls to smoth-
er her laughter.
"How soon shall We get married after
around the widow substantial waist:
II suppose you will be willing to wait a
week or two?'' simpered Mrs. Hake, as she
leaned her head on his shoulder and took
another mouthful of vest.
The invalid uttered an exclamation, and
landed on the floor.
"You think I am going to die, do you?'
she exclaimed. "I'll live to spite you both !!
And for you''-she turned and grasped
Mrs. Hake by the hair-"out of my house,
you designing vixen! I'll act as my own
nurse hereafter
From that day to this Mrs. G. has enjoy
ed good health, and Tom has enjoyed good
spirits, because he has not had doctors
bill to pay. He knew how to cure her !;
for she only needed rousing, and Tom rous-
ed her.