The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1868-11-12
The Letter Of a Suicide.

On the 10th OF September, Col II. NJ
Becky committed suicide at the AIaltby
House, in Baltimore. He was q native Of
Virginia, and had been held in high esteem
Rs an upright and honest man. He left
upon his table several letters, II OF which
was addressed TO an intimate friend, and in
it he recounted the causes which had i'm.
PEELED him to take his life. This letter
has been placed at our disposal:
BALTIMORE, Sept. 10, 1868.
Ny DEAR FRIEND This is the last tims /
shall ever address you for even before you
receive this l will be dead,
l will be as brief 40 | can in at ting the
ause5 which have lod me to the commission
OF this act. III my early youth my mother
died, aud my father having much business
that called him from home, I was thrown into
the company Of the vicious, or rather, hav-
ing no one TO restrain me, fell into vicious
habits, the most fatal OF which was playing
cards, The habit grew on me 30 rapidly that
almost before l was aware OF 1t, l was salts
fed nowhere save when engaged IN gaming.
In sober, rejecting moments, l knew and
realized that it was running me, but
so complete wac the strange in.
fatuation that although | resolved over and
over again to abstain, with each recurring
temptation / was sure to fall. Life in the
army contributed to strengthen this terrible
vice. However. for some time after the war
ceased l succeeded in mastering my passion,
and even fancied that / had 80 far overcome
desire in that direction that would in future
escape the snare, but my strength of mind
and purpose was not sufficient, and ever since
my life has been q constant warfare with this
my besetting sin. A little over twelve months
ago / thought to strengthen my good resolu-
ton by connecting myself with the church,
and thus draw around me the mantle OF her
protection. l succeeded until Icame TO Bal
timore. Icame here, as you are aware, near
ly bankrupt, aud the insidious whisperings OF
hope that | might retrieve my broken for
tunes, kept whispering TO me, until at last
unable to withstand temptation, l fell and
was lost. l lost what money l bad. | bur-
hoping that a streak OF good fortune would
enable me to succeed. But why
go faTther2 It's the same old
story. Led ON by a blind infatuation
that l had not the strength to control, | lost
until honor itself was lost. It's that that l
cannot survive the loss OF. You can never
know and scarcely dream of the agony l am
feeling at this moment, and the bitter, burn
ing remOrse that is flowing over me in such
h flood that my very heartstrings are snap
ping, one by one. Soon, very soon, the last
will DO broken. Oh, my dear friend, never,
never touch a card, not even for amusement.
| commenced for amusement. i lost sl,O5O
at -- Faro Bank, -. i leave a letter 10
him, which / hope you will deliver, asking
him to return one half to my family, who are
lcll utbhllults 4 utblIt Ahhl gOu Will take
charge of my remains, and convey them TO
Fincastle and have them inferred in the
Methodist chprchyard; also take charge of my
trunk, etc. have a suit Of cloths and also
one pair of pants at Ohem's, on Pratt street.
Brugh knows where they are, My watch aud
chain are at a pawnbrokeT's on Gay street; you
will find the ticket in my memorandum book.
Had l simply lost this money without deceiv-
ing any one, l would not mind tit was the
first dishonest act Of my life. L cannOt sur
yiye disgrace. can never more re-
speet myself. 1 have been unfortunate in
business, and sometimes could not pay when
fought, but / could always look a man in the
face until now
My family will be left destitute, but they
are innocent, and God has promised ceTe fUl
the widow and orphan, If could have had
any hope that some kind friend would have
listened TO my tale Of shame aud then helped
me ont Of IL until 1 could have gone TO worl
and paid him. But who would have trusted
me after a confession that l had deceived
others2 oh, what would | give 10 undo the
past two weeks. All the letters l have writ
ten l leave in your charge 10 be forwarded tc
their destination. Inform the house that
am living with James II. H.. Figgatt. II you
can spare the money (Sl6) l wish You would
redeem my watch and chain and give il TO my
little boy, "Gilbert Lee" but do not do &c
unless convenient.
Your unhappy and ruined friend,
i, H.. NJ, BECKY.