The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1868-08-08
The Josh Billings Papers.
coRREspoNDENCE-fCON


JMia."-I kant answer awl yure ques-
tions without intruding upon the privacy ov
mi imaginashun, and l hav alreddy over
drawn ny account in that fund.
But am not only willing, but anxious to
say, in reply to your inquiry, that poodle
dogs are positively no accomplishment.
Ladies who pet poodles, and lug them
through the streets in their arms, and feed
them on rare bits, are seldom seen reliey-
ing the wants ov the poor or soothing the
cry ov anguish ....
Poodles are good for nothing on earth,
only to hive heas, or to tie on to a long stick
and wash the outside ov windows with. ana.
If yu must hav @ pet, git a young rae
coon, or q tame crow, and study the devil
try Of the brute creashun these critters
will not only keep yu bizzy, but will either
learn yu to be pashunt or impress yu with
the extreme cussidness ov pets, and hope
the latter. ~.
| Pets oy awl kinds are not onlya damage
to the animals, but a kind ov disgrace tew
the dignity of human being.
Be sympathetic, but don't be soft, Julia.
Civ stray cat q nights lodging, but don't
encourage the critter to cum agin.
"ClarenCe. "A literary reputashun il a
good deal like tight-rope dancing; it takes
long time and mulch pashunce tew git it,
and it IL deuced slippery dizziness tew' stand
on after yu hav got it. ,s..-, 49, :.
Afew make mummy by it, but most make
crusts. a.s,.l AL, to ss.asrs sas..
Yu may think that it il big thing tew
be seen in the nuzepapers, but, as general
thing it il safer tew stand in front of look
ing-glass. Yu can sec yurself thare az others
see yu. 4aA NIB -.f
i If yu hav really got good taller kandel
oy yure own, yu are commanded by the
Scriptures not to hide it under half-bush-
ell; but let me advice yu tew be certain that
yure dip will burn before yu lite it, for, once
in harness, thare il no eskape for the ordi-
nary literary hack. Hiz vanity il too musk
sular for his sense. "a - .a.s 4at
If it:isifame, Clarence, that you are look
ing after, I kan assure yu that the glory oy
the common scribbler will perforate posteri-
ty just about az deep, az the advertisements
of q quack dokter. !. - 1920
My advice. tew yer il dredful short and
simple, and az eazy tew follow aza halter.
If you are fully satisfied that yure fust
literary effort IL perfect, tare it up and don't
De u pilOul put ouoOf put II yu piuSO1cly
doubt its merit, which il the hardest kind
NV doubt to inhale, let the publick decide
between yu and yure fears. gaya
; The publick have no vanity they are az
praktical as q lot Nv surgeons in dissekt-
ing room. 4 agfss sg.
r. Don't be skared at the critiks neither :;
they are like the hornets, never sting dead
things. .-sh = - 800 T. S-.,, go ,<;ys,
In conclusion, if yu do succeed in the
literary. ring, syu will find that the goose
which thoze rho have lost, is good deal
like the military coat NV q disbanded lu-
tenant in the late volunteer service, worth
more in the piece than it IL in thescoat. =,
s,issJake. -Peskoksd ontappear, uponcluss
scrutiny, to be or emmy vital Importance to
themselves nor ennybody else, Just now.
We read in the old books that the wife oY
Jupiter quite often appeared on the boule-
ward at mount Ida, with peakdks IN bubble
harness to skeleton this wuz undoubtedly
SO, but yu must rekolekt that peakoks, like
everything else, have grown weaker, if not
wiser. st'Ss : 49,, go i,
~ AZ means NV diet, peakoks are not good |;
if they am, it IL q profound sekret, known
only ,tewa few. They are altogether too
good looking to be worth much: buty has
made them useless; it often works 80, but
buty is worth more to O. peakok than to
ennybodY else /; take the. buty aWl ont nv
them, and what is left would mt bring more
than fifteen ollars. ljyS1 u
The fenaa peakok haz a;sad and lone
sum demeanour; they look and ackt az