The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1868-04-03

lu OiQ Ln0Aah OhlOiY hnathS liz nan
coming out, explained it by saying he
was dead at the top.
A Paris actress fell near the foot
lights, but escaped injury from the fact
that she had nothing ON which could
take fire.
Hood, in describing the meeting Of
a man and lion, said: "The man ran
off with all his might, and the lion with
all his name"
Ladies who have disposition to
punish their husbands should recollect
that little warm sunshine win melt an
icicle sooner than northeast gale.
"A man who'll maliciously set FIRE
to barn." said Mr.. Slow, and "burn
up twenty cows, ought TO be kicked to
death by ajackass, and I'd like to do it."
1t is reported that very nervous
gentleman once announced a steamboat
explosion to the Connecticut Legisla-
ture, as follows: "Spister Meeker and
lodges of the memberislature. ElIiYer
ellsworth has billed her busterr'
81 resort to wine to stimulate my
wit" said a young speudthrift to an old
one. "Ab," replied the veteran, "thst
is the way began; but now have to
resort to my wits to get my wine"
"Temporary hallucination is what
they call it now, when banker appro-
PIRATES funds. This allows him to tenn
porarily hallucinate, long enough TO
take the money, when lie RECEIVERS, and
is all ready for business again.
When intoxicated, Frenchman wants
to dance; German to sing Spaniard
to gamble; an Epglishman to eat; an
Italian to boast; Russian to be afec-
tionate; an Irishman to fight; aud an
American 10 make speech.
A French paper supposes that a
whale may be only an antediluvian
sardine, but thinks it fortunate that men
are deprived Of this faculty of unlimit-
ed growth. AT the present high
price of bread. it says, "a man eighty
feet high would be the ruin of any fami-
ly."
In San Francisco, an Italian peddler
drives little donkey which drinks
lager beer. The peddler calls for two
mugs Of lager, lifts one TO his own lips
and extends the other to that Of the
donkey. and they both drink. The
donkey, like Oliver Twist, expresses
desire for moIe-maSter declines-the
spectators laugh and applsud-tbe
"move on"
A strong, athletic specimen of a son
of Erin, called in at the countiDg-room
of one of our river merchants one morn
ing. He took off his hat to make his
best bow. "The top ov the mornin' to
ye, Misther; an sure I've been tould ys
are in want ov hip" 81 have but
little to do" replied the merchant,
gravely. "Thin I'm jist the boy for
yees. It's but little / care about doiu',
sure-it's the money I'm after"
Man is naturally lazy. He would
choose, if in bis power, a climate where
the costume was fig Leaf, and diet of
fruits falling from the tree. He would
bask in the sup, smoke a pipe, sleep
twelve of the twenty-four hours, and
compel the women, if possible, to do
his breathing. In state Of nature,
man is the highest possible achievement
Of laziness.
There is little town in Vermont
where the people have considerable fun
with their "fence viewers" One of
the officers weighs three hundred
pounds, another is six feet eight inches
tall, and the third is extremely small,
1t was recently voted that all fences on
which the fat man could sit, which the
tall man couldn't straddle, nor the little
one crawl through, should be deemed
legal fences.
Here is an example Of military avail
ability. During the war in India, the
native princes were SO hard run for
ammunition that they had TO use their
prisoners for projectiles. The mortars
on one battery were fed entirely with
line officers, and with such effect that
breach in one of the English strong
holds was made by throwing four
eolonels and three brigade inspectors
against it. The line officers were pre-
ferred because they had thicker heads
than those who filled inferior positions.
An exchange gets off the following,
which is pretty good for dream. We
will give premiums TO all such dream
ers. 81 dreamed dream the other
night, when everything was still; l
dreamed l saw old Belzebub coming
down the hill. Ny printers bill was in
his paw, and blood was in his eye; says
be, young mau, your weasel draw,
or else prepare to die l gazed Old
Sooty in the face, and read the only
chance to avail myself of saving grace
Twas pay up in odydnce'"
In certain family, not long since,
pair of twins made their appearance,
and as matter of course, were shown
to their little sister of four years. Now,
it so happened that whenever a rather
prolific cat of the household had kit
tens, one Of them, of course the pref
tiest, was saved, and the rest drowned.
When the twins were shown the child
by their happy father, little NJ
looked at them long and earnestly, aud
at length, putting her little fnger-tip on
the cheek of one of them, looked up,
and said, with all the seriousness pos
sible-"P Papa, I think ,ge'R scve tbs
one"
A lawyer once came into court drunk,
when the Judge said to him; "Sir, |
am sorry to see you in situation which
is disgrace to yourself and family,
the court and profession to which you
belong" This reproach elected the
following collOquy: "Did your honor
speak to me-" 81 did, sir; l said, sir,
that in my opinion you disgrace your
self and family, the court aud the pro