The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1868-06-04

pepsia, making the Emergencies in the
new organization half ambition and
hate and balf dyspepsia. Never trust a
man whose stumick is out NV order
take no stock 10 him whose bowels Is
unsound Intelleck is nothin, unless
there's stumick under EN- OH which to
build. Chase hez no Conscience, Trum-
bull and Fessenden no gastric joose.
Sich men allus conspire and allus fail.
Still I'm glad the thing occurred"
"Efitamounts to nothing, why glad!"
"Becoz, it lets johnson and me out
When Arnold went back on his coun-
trymen his countrymen forgot Joodis
Iskariot; when Aaron Burr ariE, they
towunst forgot Arnold; Peerce drove
Burr out NV the public mind, Bookanan
made EN- forget Peerce, johnson made
EN- forget BookanaD, and now Chase
and Trumbull will make EN- forget John
son and me. That's what wuz drivin
at. Under the storm l shell leeve for
my quiet Wisconsin home and live in
peace, for beside these latter cusses |
shel loom up into comparative respect
ability. Good mite. All is WELL"
i At alate hour retired to my virchus
couch, and fallin into the deep sleep
wich only visits the pillers Nv them
whose. .conshences amt bothered much,
dreemed most GURUS dreem.
Methawt the Presidenshe course wuz
RELY and trooly race course, and the
candidates he'd to run that course, the
winner Nv the race to be glorifed. AT
one end NV the track wuz a weighin
stand and at the other the winners post,
wich wuz the White House. The run
ners wuz to carry the candidates for
Vice President and sich other weights
ez their hackers should put onto EN-,
The Republicans he'd Grant on the
ground promptly and ready for the race.
He come up splendid. He wuzn't so
mighty immense, but he wuz clean
limbed, deeently developt and all show
ed frst-rate in the back and loins. His
trainers pulled off his shoulders few
little dead weights wich some nv his in
ioodishes hackers he'd chuckt onto
him, sposin he could carry everything.
Our people hed>some difficulty in Sc
lectin a man TO run agin him. Pendle-
tun wuz trotted out, but Belmont pro-
nounced him unfit; Mcclellan next, but
Voorhees, objectid. Finally Chase wuz
selected to run the appinted race, and
he wuz brot to the weighin stand To
the naked eye he wuz splendid speci-
men, and he come up to the stand so
gallant that notwithstandin he carried
in his hand silver pitcher wich the
niggers NV Cincinnati give him for de-
tendin a fugitive from Kentucky, our
people cheered him vociferous Tall
strong and musker-lookin, in good
flesh, deep-chested, broad-shouldered,
strong-backt, he wuz ez perfect a spec
linen ez / ever beheld, and felt conf
dent that he wood hev no trouble in
beatin his opponent out Nv Nv site. He
come up to the stand gorgeous, accom-
panied by Trumbull, Fessenden,
Grimes, Johnson, and sich, who he'd
him in tow.
At this pint Vallandygum, Peerse,
Voorhees,, Morissey and Wood, who
: he'd charge NV our arrangements, took
him In hand, "We must prepare our
man." sed they,
"Take orr this Ablishn coat" sed
Voorhees,.
"And this imparshel suffrage vest
sed Morissey, "the niger hezn't the
moral qualifications for the ballot"
"And this free eoil shirt" sed Wood.
"And that anti-lugitiys slave law
wig" sed Voorhees,.
"And them ekal justis shoulder
braces" sed Peerse.
"And them humanitarian pants, y
shreeked Wood.
ave can't abide none nv these
things" yelled the crowd. Peel! peel!
All NV these yoo got from the Abllsh'
nists, free soilers and Republicans
Well none NV en-"
The silver pitcher he carried in his
hand they trampled into the mud, and
one by one the obnoxious garments wut
pulled off from him. Heavens! wat q
: change! Ez they wuz removed he
shrunk. When the coat wuz taken of
, he wuzn't so broad and massive; wher
when the vest wuz gone he wuz posi-
lively flat Chested; when the shoulder.
braces wuz removed he became hump
. backed; and when the pants wus snak.
ed offhe stood afore US the merest skel-
: eton ever beheld, "a week, shaky
q wheeling skeleton, Our folks looked
disappointed, but it wuz too late tt
change.
A loose two-sided wrapper wul
: thrown over him, Gov. English climbed
e onto his shoulders, Vallandygun
: jumped into one pocket and Fernandy
' Wood into the other, the bands footed
the crowd yelled, he made one one con
vulsive start, but in vain. The stiffniI
{ wuz all ont Nv him. His poor, week
} knees gave way, his back doubled NJ
: and he came to the ground, every bon,
t in him rattlin ez he fell, while Gran
made the race serenely.
"My God," said Morissey, lookin a
e the wreck, "what he got from thu
t Ablishnists wuz all ther wuz Nv him at
s ter all!"
d Atthis pint / awoke and was sad
IS dened. There's where our trouble lies
e We hev to strip these fellows when the,