The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1868-01-22
Sp1cE.-To Miss Florence Skittles is

ses following, her "mews" having been
inspired thereto by receiving a large
chunk Of ,weddin cake" Tn behalf of
the readers of this column we return
Miss Ski,tles many thanks The poem
was written at Gras- creme Cottage,
Frisky frog lone: ->
Last week did receive hunk,
Nj 10 pounds weighin,
Of weddin kake alfin chunk,
From teller in Ge0rgy stain.
This temp,in morsei bruised, .--.,...: H..
Aud while chawed I sos and mewsed.
mewsed on Hymen's s favors scant,
And on his smiles so fttin-
How some folks kin and some folks cant,
And how skerce men is gittin.
Il mean such men as can be noosed,
And while ciawed sot and mswsed.
l mewsed how many a young girl smiled,
And old. maids 'grinned III fury, *
While nice young men were roamin wild,
Like green mules ON prairie. 80
While no soft hand their tressesT Tclawd,
And as mewsed sot and ehawed.
I mewsed>hew many a rose doth fall,
And many violet pine on,
Kaws cruel fate denied I'm all, -. =.
Shirt boSoms FOR to twine on.
And off the check the damp must krawed, :
And while mewsed sot and chawed.
I mewsed how different things is here, =.
TO VIII t they is up yonder,
Where each pure Mormum doth epper, p
Offfty geese the gander.
Sarkasticly sigh drawed, .--f - -
And as mewsed sot and chawed. >s,-..-
! mewsed how much kinnnbial blis,. -; .-.
Doth bless the plainest vittles,
1 thought saw the parSon Kiss :. =. -
She wot was once F. Skittles.
Good gra>hus! how haw haw, hawd!
And as I laffed sot and chawed. - y.
TIE advice of Josh Billings as regards
the pestifvrous flea may be. borne in
mind and kept till the proper, season,
when it may be acted on. According to
Josh, they are the Smallest animal of
the brute creation, and the most pesky, -
and that one flea viii ego over a&man's
suburbs in less than two minuits, leaving
him as frecksed Us the measles,"r He
says: 4; ~. . =. -, - Es~
: II is impossible to do anything well
with a flea on you except sware, aud
Reas amt afraid Of that; the only way IL
to quit the bizness- ov aul kinds and
hunt for the fea, and when you have
found him he amt ,hare. Thiz IS one OF
the flea mysteries the fackultyIE they
have 7ov being entirely; lost: jist as-you
have found them. But If you ever
ketch a flea, kin him before you do emmy
thing else !; for If you -do;put;i it off 2.min.
.nits, it may be, too late -, =. =
The ex.inteRdants and council who
raided our town some. time. during the
past year to the manifest injury, Of it's
citizens and the destruction of the mi
merous" but innocent goats, will, we arc
sure, read the following piece Of national
history, with mingled feelings. = :
The, goatis numerous animal. He
i$feund in many parts Of. the habi,able
globe, but extinct in Newberry. He is
fourfooteder than hen, and, never
s!iaves. He, lets bis beard grow. He
don't mind fences He, can. reach over
and nibble shrubbery. He buts-he
chews rapid. . His tail points upwarder
=. = :. He ~ Szrxrlasiye;H He be,
longs to the hairy stockracy. He -d4,a't
ymisccgenatc lie wears his sn,nmcr
clothes allwinleEv lie Rever 3sqaanlers
fractional currency He pever- register,
I'd. H. don't seem to want to- lie ney-
er takes in washing He can't= cipher.
lie don't care for worms. He. never
.A.bbers,- Ha Is thirsty. lie stamps. !
like goat. =
: So did the council, bat their liking
savored ofthe tribe who ate the mission:
a'ies. s1"schd more missionary, we ike
um, ,:dcy fat" Ugh: :. = - -, :
5e"kins' youngest daughter adopted
thesfa<hion Of expansive skirts: at a daa.
gerous season. 4 violent cold was, Of
coHrse, the result. Mrs. Jenkins said:
My dear, ain't you afraid, that jane
has got the consumption ~ mo, my
dear" hesaid, "it's h6thing But hopping;
cough =, - =, - = =
"A love.lorn poet, perhaps the same:
who Sarah-naded last -weeS,. gives vent:
&. feelings as f9llowethi:. -. :.
Would were conrt>piaster-Iw weuld be :.
. A'patch upon her lip,
;ANd spend my life in .ecstacy,,~ .,<-
And sip, and sip, and sip,
Were a pair of spectacles,
How deartv would prize :. e., :.
a. situation on her nose ...l.- =. >.~,e;,
: To gaze into her eyesl
It is said that the census embraces
seventeen million women. Who wouldn't
be canSus? - - '.-el>~
~ ovethce still, asshe quiet husband;
said to the chattering wife.,. ,---:-