Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1868-08-26
On tho Volcano suhjeet.

vi NeASA 1900
twins, or a ba6y, over did in a well reg
ulated family of SHINE children aud one
at the breast" Everybody, yes, every
body, has looked for the volcano tins
morning on Mount Butler (no, Mount
King" as the Hornsown Blowhard this
morning has it). Our volcano breathes
bet yer life it does-and it smokes
like . real live Dutchman would his
m~serschaum, when mounted on a barrel
Of fresh lager from the Philadelphia
Brewery-and in q real happy mood on
the general happiness of mankind, and
the pleasant situation Of JOHNNY Schmo-
ker, in particular.
Il is u live volcano We have in Gold
Hill-it is in the corporate limits OF this
town, and hence It is ours, and II does
MOI belong to Horntown, over the bill.
H~orntown 10 not entitled to . volcano,
and it has no right, whatever, to make
any claim to ours. Slippery Gulch can
take care of its W volcanoes, without
u assistance from Horntowu, Skippy-
town or Reno. We have got it.
As our volcano is on top OF Mount
Butler, several Copperheads, led on by
George Cassiday, went up at daylight
this morning 10 see whether they could
iud any spoons. But they returned de-
clariug that there were no spoons to be
found on Butler.
Kit Lansing, our excellent local at
torpey and counsellor at law, at day
ligh, this morning drew up the papers
for incorporating II toll-road leading to
the volcano-capi,al stock, $4,000, 900.
The name Of the incorporation to be
'.The Volcano Railroad and Turnpike
Company" Duration, five thousand
years.
Volcano cocktails; volcano punch;
volcano straight; volcano toddy, are all
the 20 in Slippery Gulch to-day, aud
can be obtained in any Of the saloons.
Volcano pills are also becoming pop
ular-although not so popular as the
volcano cocktails. Dr.. Deua this morn
ing made a lot from the condiments hot
and direct from the crater, and feeling !
confident that he had found the great
cure-all for tall the ills which mankind
10 heir to-" aud in order 10 satisfy ut
least n dozen Of cripples on crutehes,
who were anxiously waiting tor relief,
he swallowed a large sized pill, not any
bigger than a hazel nut-and in half an
hour an eruption took p~lace-well,
there is NO use trying to describe the
dreadful horrors Of that eruption F!
Vesuvius nor the Sandwich Island
never erupted worse than that! The
cripples left. Mount Butler volcano
pills had no relief for them. They said
they could not stand the eruption. The
pills are too powerful.
Town lots for a new city have been
laid of on the top Of Mount Butler, to
be called Volcano Metropolis. This en-
terprise belongs solely to our wealthy
citizen, and principal owner Of the Com
stock, Coal OH TOMMY, Esq; whose
handsome family mansion is located
nearest TO the volcano. We believe lie
contemplates having a park, after the
style of the parks in New York and
Chicago. A race-course is also talked
Of, after the style Of the celebrated
racing forest park, at Reno and Carson.
A eamp-mee,ing bar and restaurant 10
now in course of construction at Vol
cano Metropolis; and passenger pack
trains will start from Horntown in the
morning, to be continued until further
notice.
An Observatory, on the plan Of the
one at Amherst aud other colleges, is
to be constructed this afternoon, and
will be under the supervision Of Pro-
fessor Dan de guile. All eclipses OF
the sur and the moon, and the desert,
and tie lamp-posts in Horntown, q
the eclipse in India especially, will be
rsightsd'' at this observatory. Charges
moderate.
An AssAY.-Tbe Horntown Blowhard
says that ten scientific men and bullion
assayers went up to examine our last
sensation, tho volcano, and that due re.
port would be made thereon. One OF
the committee came into our office, just
a. We we're going to press, and reported
an assay made Of the lava: Granite, :
parts; sage, 2 parts cedar, part
bird lime, 4 parts; steembote, ~
parts Kuk Klux, 20 parts; abo-
iirion oil, ~ parts coal oil,
~ parts ; old rye, 10 parts Petrihed
Indian "a new metsl), 10 parts hoom.
bug fold metal), IS parts; Butler gu
euo, III parts-iu all 100. This assay
can be taken, rs tue Horntowu papers
say, As perfectly reliable. Truly our
local volcano is rich, and assays en-
couragingly.
LOOKS SUSPICIOUS. - Somethin's up!
1t looks like it. In fact, things haven't
been going on right! Some people In
Horntowu freely express the opinion
that our volcano is nothing more nor
less than the place where the kuklux
Society meets every night, and that the
crater is to them what the boiling caui-
dron was in the forest TO The witches In
Macbeth! Il looks like 1t, n inc
smoke smells like it.
"a DHaop O. THE CaArHuR."-We I'M
dsr,,and that a sharp Individual with
An eve to business has already taken, or
/, .bou, TO take, several kegs Of lager
and some whisky, etc., up TO the crater
of the volcano 10 order to accommodate
thirsty visitors. He will open u saloon
in one SIDE OIL tue CTHteE, euue ossS"o
the first location on the thing before
it cools of.
VOLCANIC oPIus. = The lara which
the Gold Hill volcano yomits, 10 Of
dark brown color, porous, some OF II
,of, and plisble like pu.sy-and smells
yery like Chinese opium, Rom a Chine
pipe. Perhaps our new sensation - an
obium mine? Hu nose? The fragrance
is not pleasant to the nose.
NotIrIoS oIL.-The iGsd from our
local volcano smells like Pratt's o.
lition Oil. Pratt was in Gold Hill the
other day. and ~ he disappeared very
mysteriously, between two days, 1t Is
believed by some that he set IRE to MS
oil we'll.
COUNTY AssrssoR.-Jas. ". Wright,
Of Gold Hill, Is announced ~ Q csndi-
date for the Office Of Assessor Of Storey
N.. snhiaei IN thu nor,sn,t;on ~