The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1868-11-05
MISCELLANEOUS,

"Pa," said little friend Of ours, "what
Is the use Of giving our little pigs so
much milk? They make hogs ofthem-
selves" Pa walked away.
When walters take your order at FASH
ionable hotels nowadays they leave
their photograph, that you may identify
them when they return.
"Pa," said Charlie to his paternal an
cestor, holding Sunday school picture
book, "what's that?" "That, my son,
is Jacob wrestling with the ANGEL
"And which lickcd?" inquired the
young hopeful.
There Is story Of man who got
married because no inherited a four-post
bedstead, and Of another man who got
married because he had bought a piece
of silk cheap at y sale, and wanted wife
to give 1t to.
A Cleveland milkman sold one of his
customers milk with live fish in 1t,
and speculation is rife in tho Forest City
as to how the fish got there. 1t was four
or five inches long, and 1t seems incredi-
bic that it should have been MIXED from
cow.
A Mrs. Boots, of Pennsylvania, has
left her husband, Mr.. Boots, and stray
ell to parts unknown. We presume
this pair Of Boots are rights aud lefts.
We cannot say however, that Mrs. Boots
is right, but there is 10 mistake Mr..
Boots Is left.
Papa, think you told a fib in the
pulpit today" said a little son of "A
clergyman. "Why, my boy, what do
you mean?" asked the father. "You
said," continued the child, "one word
more and | have done.' Then you went
Oh and said great many words. The
people expected you'd leave of, cause
you promished them; but you didn't
and kept on preaching long while
after the time was up.'
The attachment of some ladies to their
lap-dogs amounts, in some instances to
infatuation. We have heard Of lap
dog biting piece out of a visitors leg.
Her mistress thus expressed her com
passion: "Poor, dear little creasure;
hope it will not make him sick"
Eight citizens Of Allegheny county
Pa, all Of whom have immense beards
reaching nearly to the waist, have
agreed upon the following wager: Seven
of these persons are Democrats and one
Republican. IN case Seymour and Blair
are elected, the Republican is bound to
shave, and in the event of Grants elec.
ton the whole seven Democrats are
pledged to shave, and the stock of hair
is to be used in making bed Of mortar
to be at the disposal of the winner.
Young men anxious to get rid OF
their wild oats, would do well to buy q
sewing machine.
1--WE know a girl" says some one,
"who is SO industrious that when she
has nothing else to do she sits and knits
her brow"
A boy entered a stationery store the
other day and asked the proprietor
what kind of pens he sold. "All
kinds" was the reply. "Wcll, then
I'll take three cents worth of pig
pens"
A story Of Theodore Hook is told by
Cornelius O'Dowd in his last essay, to
the effect that at some civic banquet, on
the appearance of fifth course of dain-
ties, Hook laid down his knife and fork
and declared that he would take the rest
in money.
When the clergyman makes man and
woman one, the dispute generally ar
rises as to which is the one. The ques-
ton is sometimes difficult to settle.
"My notion of wife at forty" said
Jerrold, ''is that aman should be able
to change her like bank note, for two
twenties.
An old lady announced in court, at
Atlanta: that she "had no council, !"
that "God was her lawyer" "My dear
madam" replied the Judge, HE does
not practice in this court"