The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1868-11-06
FACETIE.

Lost-The buttons from a coat OF
paint.
The man who wakes strong every
day-the shoemaker.
Why is a watch like a riverf Be-
cause il won't run long without wind
ing. e
! When is the book of nature stud
iedi When autumn turns the leaves
and they are red.
Why is a son who objects to his mo-
theirs marriage like an exhausted Pc
destrianf Because he can't go step
father.
care you a Christian Indiani" asked
a gentleman of one of the Cattaraugus
tribe. NO." was the answer. Il
whisky Indian"
Mrs. Poyser says, in George Elliot's
novel, "What man wants IN wife
mostly is to make sure of one fool as'll
tell him he's wise."
An exchange says that the Grecian
bend is achieved by throwing the chest
forward and the trunk backwards.
What is done with the rest of the bag
gagei ,..|. .t.E. ..t.
A telegraphic message passing through
the hands of an operator, addressed to
"a. Gillespie, clerk, steamer Magnolia"
was ungraciously written off as follows:
"a. GILES, pie clerk, steamer Mag
nolia."
BEHIND THE ScENEs.-Stage man
ager: "John, 90 see if the ballet are
ali dressed, for it is time to ring up the
curtain" Boy returns: About ready,
sir, got most of their clothes off,"
When Sheridan taught school he had
in one of his classes boy who always
read partridges" for "patriarchs."
"Stop," exclaimed tie wag ofa teacher;
"you shall not make game of the patrl-
archs."
A western editor who has been to see
the Black Crook, tells his readers ::
"The proprietor incurred heavy expense
in completing the scenery, and conse-
uuently had to cut the girls dresses
rather short"
A dandy, wishing to be witty, accest-
ed au old rag man as follows: You
take all sorts Of rubbish in your cart,
don't you 7" "Yes," replied the man,
"jump in, jump in."
A gent hard pushed for compliment
TO fair lady whose face was marred by
an undeniably fiat nose, remarked,
MADAME, you are an angel fallen from
heaven; but you fell on your nose"
Two ladies, to all appearances in an
interesting condition, recently attempt.
ed to cross the Prussian frontier at
Babborich, and, on being questioned,
expressed their wish that their respect
i've children should be born on Prussian
soil. The custom house official took
compassion on them, introducing them
to his wife, and strange to say they
were before leaving, safely delivered OF
forty. five bladders full of spirits, in all
about ten gallons.
An army chaplain relates the follow
ing funny story: Seeing dirty faced
urchin at the fence in front of house,
the preacher stopped aud said;
"Is your father at homer
"No; he's gone to church"
SIS your mother in"
"No; she's gone, too"
"Then you are all by YOURSELF"
"Ne; Sans in thar, huggin' the mig
gar gal"
"That's bad"
ayes, it's bad, but its the best he
can do"
A southern exchange says: An old
deformed negro woman was passing the
street. A fashionable Miss, troubled
considerably with the "Grecian bend"
turned around and looked after the poor
old negro woman, and was rather dis
posed to make fun of her deformity. The
old negro woman stopped and looked at
her a minute or two, and very truthful
" remarked: "Lor, Miss, you needn't
be pokin' fun at me, kase de Lor
almighty knows you's a bigger curios-
itS to look at dan | is" The young
lady bumped" herself.