Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1868-06-17
Peculiar Men.

8 josh Billings spends his time studying
human. and other kinds Of nature, and
sending out the results of his investiga-
tions. His last is all about peculiar men.
The Jealous Man il alwuz hunting.
He il alwuz hunting for sunthing,
that he don't expect tew find. and after
he haz found it, then he IL mad bekuaze.
he has. These feIlers don't beleav in
spooks, and yet they are about the only
folks who ever see emmy. A jealous man
IL alwuz happy jist in proporshun az ne
IL mizerable.
,Jelosy liza disease, and it il good
deal like sea-sickness-dreadful sick and
kant vomit.
The Anonymous Man boards at red
tavern, and pays tor hiz board bi tending
bar occasionally. lie hain't got emmy
more karakter than the jack ov spades
haz when it amt trumps.
He IL loufer by profession, without
emmy vices.
He rides OH the box once in q while,
with the driver, and nobody thinks of
asking for his stage fare.
He sprung from q respectable family !;
hiz great grandfather WIZ 3 iustiss ov the
peace; but he haz not got vanity enutf
tew brag on it.
He amt necessarily phool, emmy more
then bu!l's-eye watch iz; if emmy body
will wind him, he will sett still and run
quietly down.
The Stiff Man looks down, when he
walks, upon folks. He don't seem tew
hav but one timber jinte in him, and that
il lokated in hiz noze. -,a
He IL kind of masculine turkey, on
parade, in a barn:yard.' &
He IL generally loaded with wisdum
clear up tew the muzzell, and when he
goes oph makes noize like a cannon,
but don't dew emmy dammage.
have seen him fire into crowd, and
miss. .evry man. ::
This kind Nv skG Gm.an IL very handy
tew Aatter. They seem tew know they
amt entitled to n good article, and, there
fore, are satisfied with very hard soap.
Thare amt but fu men who get stiff on
what they acktually know, but most; aul
ov them git stiff on what they acktually
feel.
Stiff men are called aristokrats, but
this amt so. There amt no such thing
as aristokrats in this country.
The country amt long enuff. yet, un-
less man, has got some Indian in him.
Az q gen'ral thing, stiff meng get mad
dreadful easy, and have tew git over it
dreadful easy, bekause folks amt apt tew
git big skare at what they amt afraid
ov.
Stiff Mda had a grandfather once who
went tew Congress once from our distrikt,
and thare amt one in the whole family
that hav been able tew timber sinse.
The Model han never disturbs hen
when she is setting; never speaks cross
tew lorst dorg; alwuz puts a five cent
shinplaster in hiz vest pocket late Satur-
day night, tew- have it ready Sunday NOR
ming for the church platter; rises when.
ever lady enters the. street kars; re.
members yure uncle plainly, and asks
after awl the family. If he steps on a
kat's tail, iz sure to do it light, and i'm.
mediatcly asks her pardon; reads the
the Weekly Gossip, and laf1s bekause he
kant help it; hooks up his wife's dress
and plays -hoss with; the children. Never
NEEDLES with cream in the milk pans
goes eazily ov errands. and Gums back in
scazon; attends everybody's phuneral ;
kan alwuz tell when the moon changes
thinks just az you do, or the other way,
if yu want him to; follows every yboddy' S
advice but his own; praktices most ov
the virtews without knowing it; leads
the life of a shorn lamb; gifts sick after
a while, and dies az soon az he kan, to
save making emmy further trouble.
The model mans vices are not feared,
nor his virtews respekted. He lives in
the memory ov the world just about as
long az a pleasant day duz.
He may be called a "clever Teller" "
and that IL only libel; but he will git
hiz reward hereafter-when the birds git
theirs.
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