Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-04-03
4nlaprons.

4nlaprons.
We are all Adams children but silk makes
the difference.
WHAT nation produces marriage2 Why,
Fascination.
How sweet to recline in the laps Of ages
say about eighteen.
A WAsrE Of raw material-two young la
dies kissing each other.
Some fishermen use cotton for bait; so do
some women.
''Charley, what makes you SO sweet?'' 81
dess when bod made me of dust, he put a
little thugarin.n
PLEASURE is seldom fouad where it is
sought Our brightest blazes of gladness are
commonly kindled by unexpected sparks
Isn't a woman wet enough with a cataract
in her eve, n waterfall on her head, creek
in her back, forty springs in her skirts, high
tied shoes, and notion in her head?
SoMB one speaking Of highly ornamented
house, whose proprietor was not particularly
hospitable, said, II like to see less gliding
and more caring.
Az urehin suffering from the application of
the birch said; "Forty rods are said to be
furlong. know better. Let anybody get
such a licking as 7 have had, and he'll find
out that one rod makes an acher.
A LOVER yainly trying to explain some
scientific theory to his fair iuamorata, said,
| f.The question is difficult and ! don't see
what can do to make it clear. Suppose
you pop IT," whispered the blushing dam
sell
A MAN who had filed a petition for di-
vorce was informed by his counsel that his
wife had filed cross petition, as law
yers call it. "a cross petition" exclaimed
the husband, chats just like her. She never
did good natured thing in her life"
4 say, boy is there anything to shoot about
here I? inquired a sportsman of boy he met.
WELL replied the boy, nothing just about
here, but our school master is Just over the hill
there cutting birch rods; you might walk up
and pop him over
"Well, jim, how did you make it down
South? Firstrate. Made plenty ofmoney."
"What did you do with it?' 'Laid it out in
houses audlots" ''Where?" Every place
have been where there were any" ''What
kind of houses and lots?'' "Coaee houses
and lots of Whiskey."
A YANKEE made bet with a Dutchman
that he could swallow him. The Dutchman
lay down on a table, and the Yankee, taking
his big toe in his mouth, nipped it severely.
ooh, you are biting me, - roared the Dutch
man.
"Why, you idiot" said the Yankee, tdid
you think was going to swallow you whole. "
A Berkshire Paper says that a fellow in
that vicinity went couTtiug his girl on Monday
| evening, and wishing to be conversational,
| observed The thermomokrou is twenty de-
grees below zelon this evenin, eyes, " in
nocentiy replied the maiden, "such kind of
birds do fly higher some seasons Of the year
than others"
A WESTERN Hoosier called on a boat cap
tain to sell him a saddle Of mutton
Says, Captain, don't you want to buy a
nice saddle of mutton to-day ?
mol would as soon eat dirt, replied the
Captain.
Well, said the Hoosier, It's according to
how a man has been raised NolC lcouid
rather eat mutton
a NATURALIST wanted to take monkey with
him in a railway carriage from Southampton
to London, but the guard Of the train insisted
that the monkey was dog, and must 60 up
in the dog van. The naturalist, in high irri-
tation, took a tortoise out of his coat pocket,
and demanded ifthattoo were a dog. Where
upon the guard, ike a true Briton, slowly but
firmly replied, mo, sir, them s all right; them
be bnsex.
Dir. PmFps, the well known teacher of
| Middlesex county, relates a little conversation
at one of our State normal schools, with an
English snob who was admiring the versatile
I Young ladies' aPray tell me- said he iEare