The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1868-06-20
Mark Twain on Female Suffrage.

Mark Twain writes to bis Cousin
Jennie " on the subject of Female suf
frage," as follows:
There is one ipsuperable obstacle in the
way Of female suffrage, Jennie; ! approach
the subject with fear and trembling, but it
must out woman would never vote, be-
cause she would have 60 tell her age at the
polls. And even If she did dare to vote
once or twice when she was Just of are
you know what dire results world flow from
putting this ard that together in after
times For instance In an unguarded mo-
ment, Miss a. says she voted for sIr. Smith
Her auditor, who knows that it has been
seven years since Smith ran for anything,
easily ciphers out that sac is at least seven
years over age, instead Of the y0ung puIlet
she has been making hersellou6 to be-. No
Jennie, this new fashion Of registering the
name, age, residence and occupation Of
every voter is a fatal bar to female suffrage.
Women VIII never be permitted to vote or
hold Office, Jennie, and it is lucky thing for
me, and for many other men, that such is
the decree Of fate. Because, you see, there
are some few measures they would all unite
0n-there are one or tive measures that
would bring out their entire voting strength,
in spite Of their antipathy to making them
/ selves conspicuous; and there being vastly
more women than men in this State, they
would trot those measures through the Leg
/ islature with velocity that would be APP
! palling. For instance, they would enact:
l. That all men should be at home by ten
/ P. NJ without fail
, That married men should bestow con
siderable attention on their own wives
B. That it should be a hanging Ofense to
| sell whisky in saloons, and that fine and dis
4 reimbursement should follow drinking 1t in
such places.
T. That the smoking Of cigars to excess
should be forbidden, and the smoking of
pipes utterly abolished
5. That the wife should have a little of
her own property when she married man
who hadn't any.
Jennie, such tyranny as this we could
never stand, Oar free souls could never en-.
dure such degrading thraldom Women,
go your way Seek not to beguile US of our
imperial privileges Content yourself with
your little feminine trihes-your babies
your benevolent societies, and your knitting
and let your natural bosses do the voting
Stand back-yCu viii be wanting 70 90 to
war next We viii let you teach school as
much as you want to, and we viii pay you
half wages for it. toe, but beware we don't
/ want you to crowd US too much
If get time, Cousin Jennie, I viii fur.
nish you n picture of a female Legislature
that viii distress you-l know it VIII, be-
cause you cannot disguise from me the fact
that you are no more in favor Of female
suffrage, really, than I am,
Marx TwA1S.
p. S. That tiresome old goose, my wife, Is
prancing around ike lunatic, up stairs
rehearsing a speech in favor of female suf,
frage, which she is to deliver before mass
meeting of seditious old maids in my back
parlor tonight (She is a vigorous speaker
but you can smell her eloquence further
than you can hear it it is on account of the
gin, l think It is a pity those old skele
tons have chosen my bacz parlor. because
have concluded to touch eff a keg of powder
under there to night and I am afraid tbs
noise may disturb their deliberations some
NJ n