The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1868-10-01
humorous.
The JOSH Killings pnners.

An hnNh - ANNEN ~
Long Branch is a work of natur, and il q
good job.
II IL n summer resort for men, wimmin,
and children, especially the latter.
Children are. az plenty here, and az sweet
az flowers in an outdoor gardin.
They play in the sand for work, and git
their feet wet for fun.
Their IL sum attempt at style here, but
the prevailing disease IL good sense yu can
see this stick out in the way people take it
natral, and eazy, and don't try TO outstrip
each other in wearing clothes, and Q
exquisite.
I didn't see but one woman here who WAS
dressed too Economical, and her dress was
plenty long enough at the bottom, but the
front side ov her shoulders seemed tew lack
sumthing.
/ put up Mt the Continental Hotel, near
the roof Of the building, from choice.
l kan say that this house IL kept a good
deal, without neutralizing my dignity, for I
paid the same price that the rest of the
boarders did for my vittles.
/ shall put up here agin, whom / cum, If
/ nave tew strnddle the ridge pole.
l never leave n good hotel for a better
one / learnt this fishing for frogs. II |
apr where the frogs bite good, thnt'g mi
fiddle. ! hav known folks tew swap n
good hcrse for q poor one, iist for the sake
ov 10 dollars tew boot.
My wife puts up with me at the same
hotel; it IL an old-iashioned way we have
ov doing things.
She always goes tew fashionable resorts,
where yung widders are ennywdys plenty,
tew put EN- on my guard, far | am one Of
the eazyest critters on record tew be inn
posed upon.
She has saved me (by the hare Of the
head) more than six times olreddy, from
being split by the widders.
She Is an ornament tew her ~secks-my
wife IL.
/ would like tew see q young wilder, or
emmy other man, git the start ov me when
my wife IL around.
If l list step ont sudden tew get n solder
cocktail tew cool my aching brow, my wife
goes tew tho the end of the verandy with
me, and waits for me, andif / 20 down on
to the beech TO astronomize iist n little, all
alone by moonlito, she stands on the bluff,
like a beacon lite, tew warn me oy the
breakers.
No man whoze feet are slippery, and who
hain't been accidentally insn~ed against re-
cent widders, ought TO be allowed on the
Branch without n wife who understands her
biz.
The hotels now nre phat with folks, awl
ov whom nckt fust rate, except the pesky
widders, and i don't see emmy thing 80 very
awful about them, but my wife duz, and
she knows.
The biggest thing they nave got here, for
the present, IL the pool ov water in front
ov the hotel. This pool is said hi good
judges tew be 5000 miles long, and sum
places 8 miles thick.
Into this pool, every day ut 10 o'clock, the
folks all retire, males, females and widders,
promiskuss.
They dress in flannel attire, ov menny
colours, and look az near alike, when they
are in the pool, ~ a flock or ducks and
brakes.
The water in this pool haz stood SO long
it haz got salty, and ought tew be changed,
and / beleave they have got Il bill before
the Nh jersey legislator for that purpose,
but M jersey folks are shy about trieing
experiments. They are willing tew invest
II little sumthing in n ded sure thing, but
don't think they will ever undertake to
ireshcn the pool.
The Grecian Crook IL prevailing here
just now amung the yung ladys,
The bend seems tow be sum-, WHARF near
the small oy their backs, and gives them n
very intelektual look, the same ~ the an
shunt greeks had, altho | think their walk
resembles tew much q sore footed goose.
The turnouts are unkommcn menny, and
silk, four III hnnd are frequent. | had the
espeshall honor ov being slung around the
bntiful ayenews and through the queenly
grounds ov Mrs. IIuoy hi four whito-footed
s~orrels, dressed in russell and white har-
ness, and driven tew an elegant drag by
their owner, Prof. Eastman, of Po'keep-
sic.
/ set up on the back seat az stiff az u
bridegroom, and eyry boldly seemed tew
hay their eyes close reeied ON us.
The Hon. Abiah Palmer oy tho Moo
York Senate, sat with the Professor, and
the Rev. Henry Frost supported me.
The bands Of musk in front of the differ
emit hotels played for US. "
Unjust say | felt a little big.
And it amt TO be wondered at, for / hay
bin much in the habit, ov late years, ov
going afoot when | rode.
The scenery here IL grand, especially the
pool, and the air IL az bmcing Ms n milk
puntch. .H.
The tables are full oy %vittles, aud the
servants are az polite az dancing masters.
! gave one ov them u 90 cent shinplaster,
and he opened and shut in front ov me for
five minnits, az easy az a jack knife that
had been recently CREASED.
Drinks are reasonable, espeshily out ov
the pool, and cigars must be plenty and
cheap, Judging from the vast c%oncourse oy
stub ends Icing around loose OF the
lawns. .Hr e.
The last touch ov civilization has finally
reached Long Branch. Sum enterprising
missionary has Just opened n club house,
WHARF awl kinds ov gHmblingiz taught.
leave tomorrow at 3 O'clock p me-.