Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-09-18
wiae and Otherwise.

we Iall.
How to get sett of teeth inserted
quick and cheap,--''sauce" bull
dog.
Good newspapers are the only pa
per currency that is worth more thar
gold or silver. ...
"Sambo, did you ever see the Cat
skill Mountains?n mo Glenn bu
I've seen cats kill mice" s.. ... .
When you go fishing, be sure ant
take a "bite" before you start, fol
you may not get one after.
When you hear a man say: "Lift
is but a dream" tread on his corn:
and wake him up. Life is real.
A paper chronicles as lost, "a new
silk umbrella, belonging to gentle
man with curiously carved ivory
head.
Chase to the Democratic Cenven.
ton, greeting:
Perhaps you did right TO dssemblc your love,
But-why did you kick me down stairs ?
A young lady being asked by a
politician which party she was In fa-
vor of, replied that she preferred a
wedding party. 81.
To clean silk or kid gloves, wash
them i'm q mixture of equal quanti-
ties of ammonia and alcohol, rubbing
them until dry. 49,
We spend half our lives in max
ing mistakes, and waste the poor re-
mainder i'm rejecting how easily we
might have avoided them.
Allen, "the wick eldest man In New
York." has actually been converted
and has turned his infamous dance
house into a house of prayer.
A Virginia paper describes fence
which is made Of such crooked rails,
that every time. q pig crawls through
he comes out on the same side. ~,
A school teacher who remembers
his own boyhoed, advertises the re-
opening of his institution thus -
"Dear boys-Trouble begins Septem-
Der To-" .aI. ..."
Amos Lawrence said, when asked
for advice. young man, base all
your actions upon q principle; pre-
serve your integrity of character,
and in doing this never reckon the
COST
There Is story from France of Il
man who has served out prison
term of 100 years and returned to his
native village at the age of 120, to
spend the remainder of his life hon
orally.
The Fort Scott (Kansas) Monitor
says that suit about a calf worth sew
ell dollars has just been decided in
that town, the costs of which, includ-
ing lawyers fees, foot up to about
eight hundred dollars.
Somebody has discovered way of
making toads earn their own living /;
they will take care of vine patches
Lay boards between the rows to
shelter them in the day time, and
they will make a carnival of the bugs
at night.
An orator, perspiring freely, i'm q
husky voice said ain short, ladies
and gentlemen, can only say that l
wish had a window in my bosom,
that you might see the emotion of
my::heart. The newspapers printed
the speech, leaving the IN" out of
"windsv."
A Bridget applied to the family of
citizen up town yesterday with her
clothes dripping like waterspout.-
On being interpreted as to her cOndi-
ton, she said she understood the Ia
dy of the house wanted wet nurse,
and she had come ready for service.
A rather fast youth was relating
his experience of his voyage across
the ocean to a syn1pathIzing friend
Said he, Il tell you what, old fellow
there's one good thing about it,
though. You can get as tight as you
please every day, and everybody
thinks you're only seasick !"
Among the gifts to newly mar.
ried pair at q town i'm New Jersey
the other evening, was broom sent
to the lady accompanied with the
following sentiment:
"This trifling gift accept from me,
Its use would commend;
In sunshine use the bushy part,
In storms the other end"
A smart child upon being asked
"What is cOnscience?" replied, "Ar
inward monitor" "And what is ,
monitors" "One of the iron clads. ,
The unconscious innocent hit til,
nail exactly OH the head there
There are some consciences that
20-inch Rodman gun could not pene
trate.
''Can you give two sixpences for
shilling?" asked a little boy of
grocer's clerk.
Certainly" said the clerk, hand
ing out two sixpenny pieces.
"Well," said the boy, picking vi
the siXpences and turning to 60 out
~mother says she will send you tn
shilling tomorrow"
Scene i'm q printing office which
advertised for girls TO set type: En-
ter young woman. "Do you wan
to employ any one to print sir?
saw your advertisement" "Can yot
set up well, m'm?" Young lady
bushes, says she hasn't had beat
yet, but expects that she could i
necessary. .... ...
To beatcarpets; Use mating: fol
GOODNESS it beats carpets. To make 6
window blind: Fill it up with brick
and mortar. To prevent the creak.
ing of a door: Nail it up. TO OBJ
tain sleep: Have nothing but mod
ding" acquaintances. To keep VI
your spirits: Place the decanters OH
the roof of the house.
A young lady having called out
an ugly gentleman to dance with
her, he was astonished at the condo.
fension, and believing that she was
In love with him, desired to know
why she had selected him from til.
rest of the company, because, SIR
replied the lady, "my husband com.
handed me to select such partner
as should not give him cause fol
jealousy"
A clergyman of q country village
church desired to give notice there
would be no service i'm the afternoon
as he was going to officiate for ar,
other clergyman. The clerk, as soor
as the sermon was finished, rose III
with all due solemnity, and called
out :. / am requested to give notice
that there will be no service this af
ternoon, as Mr.. l.. is going FISHING
with another clergyman"
The practical joke does not afway,
end SO harmless as In the case of Ma
thaniel Appleton, who found on rid
ing zap to, the house Of his beloved
that his rivals horse was hitehed a
the gate. Unhitehing him and Civ
ing him very smart stroke with ,