The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1868-02-29
rFor the Pacific Commercial Aarerti-er.l
Election Day on lanai.

capacity. which took place ut the election precinct of
the Valley Island during the late ballot for Repre-
sentstives.
The place for holding the polls, Kihemanienie, is n
dilapidated meeting house, a mere remnant Of a
matched shell. sustained by lettering portions of a
c~rumbling cobble-stone wall Not more than fifteen
feet square OF old thatcn overhead afforded a scanty
shelter from a drilling shower all day to inspectors,
candidates and an anxious crowd. chiefly interested
in preserving their saddles from n soak of rain.
There were present, according TO the clerks re-
cord, III out of l2S registered voters and as II of
the l2S were abseat from the Island on business ut
the time of the election, it viii appear that only five
voters remained at home, indifferent about the exer-
else of their political privilege. However, Il was
stated that they, being very old, could not ride on
horseback and the state Of the Island roads would
not warrant the dispatching Of . vehicle to aid in
securing their presence at the polls. although a cart
was held in readiness by an enterprising candidate
for such a purpose.
The Inspectors were the Judge of the Island, a
worthy man who donned the ermine in consequence
Of being somebody's cattle-herder, and who is mani
festly better fitted for the bovine than the judicial
duties of his patron. A second Inspector was n
crippled aad imbecile relative of the Judge, who
can seldom be persuaded TO wear more than che gar
ment at n time, and that not always in the soundest
condition. The third was our school teacher-so de-
voted to his pupils that he gave his chief attention
during the day to q vigorous game OF ball, kept up
in the uncovered portion of the area of the building
by his active and enterprising sieves, in spite of the
~inclemency of the weather.
There was an old table and a few chairs brought
on the ground by the enterprising candidate referred
to. He brought them for the use OF himself and
friends bat his disinterested sense of patriotism
or rather n previous unlimited occupancy Of them,
whilst he was temporarily engaged in fastening his
horse, by the ci-derant herder and associates-in-
duced him to give up his chairs and deny himself
comfort for the public benefit. Upon the table was
placed a bran new ballot-box, furnished by a careful.
Government, anxiously solicitous for the political
education of the people. by replacing the open Gala
bash and straw tile of olden times by a handsome
kou Golfer, with a bowl and n till hole on the top,
which latter portion Of the continuance, at the time
of opening the polls, was covered by an old hat.
Now what had the hat to do with the ballot-box.
inasmuch as it was a fixture over the till hole all of
the day. A great deal more than yo. are aware of,
superficial inquirer and observer. 1t was a mastery
coup de hat on the part of the Inspectors, especially
the Chairman, to secure what he considered the
rights of his candidate, for he had one-an enter
prising lawyer, who shared his fees with an accom-
modating Judge and who felt that he was laboring
for the best interests of his portion of the King
dom in striving for his election.
This official candidate was AN unfrocked clergy
man of Oahu. who having been prosecuted on ac-
count of an alleged liberal Interpretation of the mar
riage privilege, and certain financial mistakes, claim
ed to be a true peoples candidate-honestly indie
pendent of Puritanic influence or Governmental
patronage. The opposition ticket was composed of
an ex teacher from the capital, who being dismissed
as unfit to take care of Juveniles, thought he might
be more successful in the management of adults who
had n vote. Another candidate sat in the late Par
Lament, but was never elected a member; he was
sent as a substitute by q Molokai member, who re-
signed his seat for the sake of a better berth. The
fourth candidate is known as the 50 Potato Luna;'
the president Of a hui of Kanakas, who promised
magniicently to cover our valley with potatoes and
gold, but who produced instead a crop of thistles and
&c kukae puaa." The fifth and last candidate present
ut the polls was n haole-a raiser of mutton-and
said TO be a prosecutor of innocent and ~confding
natives, because he objects to that communistic d-
vision of focks so ably and philanthropically recon-
mended by Fourier, and so highly appreciated by his
sympathisers.
Rerenons a nos moutons-or rather to that hat.
When an independent voter approached the Palla-
dunn of Hawaiian liberty, and was recognized as in
harmony with the patriotic views Of the Inspectors,
he was allowed To place his clenched hand under the
hat, and after some fumbling for the till hole, which
OF course Was lnNlslO On tCCOuHlO t lutt nAl, WOutu
drop into the pure ballot-box whatever he deemed
best for his country's, or what he considered the
same, his namesake's interest. Let a n~arrow-minded
unsympathetic and anti-inspectorial
approach the palladium and the baIokd is ex-
amined the name of an enemy of his country, or
that of the intriguing foreigner Joined with that of
the Inspectors candidate, is disdainfully pointed out
Will the expression, sc uhae," which is Hawaiian
for scratching a ticket. The suggestion was in some
cases needed by the badly informed, unpatriotic
elector, and in other cases he was assisted by the
Jealous inspector, by tearing off the name of the OBJ
noxious and disloyal candidate.
These proceedings were unwisely protested against
by uninfuential candidates, except the enterprising
one referred to - the owner of the cart-who being
an old soldier in many warfares, made a flank move
ment on the Inspectors by ordering his cart to back
to within five PAGES of the palladium. He then lifted
up his voice and called attention to a bread-bOx that
was filled, to a barrel of cooked potatoes, TO two
earth baked muttons, n tub of boiled beef, a key of
boiled rice, and a demijohn of molasses, and invited
friends and foes and the honorable Board, including
clerk, to fall in and fill. Imagine some battle for
the standard, imagine Squire Gavitt adjourning the
Court to confiscate the SO greenbax in the freedman's
chist, ~ imagine those breechless Pawnees ~scrambling
for coppers upon a Broadway stage-or any other
sublime and actively contentious occcasion-and you
the energetic grab for grub on our election
day on Lanai. Inspectors rushed in where electors
feared to tread, and emerged triumphant with n dis
mutton leg or rib of beef, a potato and a cake
Of bread. 1t was n melee of bread-box versus ballot
box, and the farinaceous disks of Love (not he of
Cyprus, but of Honolulu oyercame the paper bull
ia open palm and came out clenched upon LsrSna. The !
star Of the enterpri-ing Candidate was in the ascendant, AT any
the general opinion was that he was 4 better bread man
than his opponents
The feast Of reason and the dow Of soul went on. The bones
of the slain sheep Law around. The battle ground was made
slippery by split molasscs and potato peelings. A mound II
rice occupied, on the centre of the table, the place Of the palla-
iium. and a seooped out place in the centre Of the mound being
with molasses, an appreciative and Compact circle was
ormed around, who licked their smeared fingers and smacked :
their chops To the tune of " Lake, IKE, ono hke." The table |
WAS covered with osseous trophies of the contest, and smeared {
the saccharine juice flowing from the fray-so that a CON- I
.iderate Inspector took the palladium in his hap and squatted G
n a corner. =
kner a time there was a hull in the fray. a cry Of aaond. G