The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1868-02-06
A EulOgy Of Women by "Mark
Tmnfr .

"A GuAOBJ VI asDAA4CM DN MATT
! e Twain"
? Alta dinner given by. the CORES
pondents' Club at Washington, Of
Saturday night, s'AIark Twain" wa
called on to respond to the usual toas
Ito ''Woman,' which he did in the fol
lowing CHARACTERISTIC style;
ra "NTr. Presidents: 1 do not know
why should have been singled ou
to receive the greatest distinction O.
! the evening-fOr so the office ofre
! plying to the toast to woman has beer
regarded in every age. CApplause.
do not know why 1 have received
this distinction, unless it be that I an
a trifie less hOmely than the Other
members of the club. But be this as
it may, Mr.. President, 1 am proud o.
the position, and you could not have
chosen any one who would have ac.
cepted it more gladly, or labored with
a heartier goodwill to do the subject
justice, than /. Because, sir, I love
the sex. Laughter. ! Hove all the
women, sir, irrespective Of age or col
or. ] aughter.
"Human intelligence cannot e t.
mite what we owe to won a,
| She sews on our buttons daughters
she mends our clothes laughter; she
ropes US in at the church fairs-she
contides in US; she tells US whatever
she can find out about the little pri-
vate affairs Of the neighbors; she gives
us good advice-and plenty oft; she
gives US a piece Of her mind some
times--and sometimes all Of it; she
soothesHOur aching brows; she bears
our ehtldren--OUrsl as a general thing.
In all the relations OfIife, sir, it is but
a just and a graceful tribute to woman
to say other that she is a brick
[Great laughter l7la te.auy o. s..a1
"WheresOever- .you-place woman,
siE-in lVhats0everIpOsitiOn orestate-
she is an ornament to that place she
occupies, and a treasure. to the world.
[ Here Mr.. Twain paused, looked in
quiFingly at his hearers, and remark
ed that the applause should come in
at this point. 1t came in. Mr.. Twain
resumed his eulogy.l Look at the
noble. names of history! Look --at
Cleopatra look at Florence Nightin-
gale! look at Joan of Arc! look at Lu-
cretia BOrgia! r DisapprObation express
ed, Well, said Mr.. Twain, scratching
bis head doVbtfully, suppose We let
Lucretia slide.'7 Look at Joyce Hethi
look at Mother Eve! TCrfes of'i0h ?
-OhrJ You need not look at her un-
less you want to, but, said Mr7rTWain
raflectixl Iy, after a pause, Eve was or
.hamental, sir, particularly before. the
fashions changed ! repeat, sir, look
lat the illustrious names Of history
Look at the Widow Mdchree look
at Lucy Stoned look at Elizabeth Cady
StantOnl look at George FIancis Train!
[Great laughter And, sir, l say it
with bowed head and deepest venera-
ton, look at the mother Of Washing
ton! sHeTaised aboyithat could not
lie--cOuld not lie? [Applausel But
he4never had any chance. 0Oh, Oh =
1t might have been different with
him if he had belonged to a a'Newspa-
per Correspondence Club. ELaugh-
ter, groans, hiesess cries of fput him
out Mark looked around plaoidly
upon the excited audience and re-
sumed.
oI repeat, sir, that in whatever posi-
ton you place a woman, she is an
ornament to society and a treasure to
the world. As a sweetheart she has
but few equals-and no superiOrs
[iaughterJ; as a cousin she is convent
entras a wealthy grandmotber, with
an incurable distemper, she is precious
-as a wet-nurse she has no equal
among men!" Laughter.
"What, sir, would the peoples Of
the earth do without women
n They would be scarce, sir, al
mighty scarce! Then let us cherish
.her--Iet us protect her--let US give
her eur supp9rtLour encouragement
our synpathy-ourseIves, n. we get
a-ehance. TLaughter.11i ad- '7 ae..s1
20 'But, jesting aside, Mr.. President,
woman is FOvable, gracious, kind of
heart, BeautifuI--WOrtby Of all-re
speet; of all esteem; Ofall delerence.
Not any here will refuse to drink her
health right cordially in this bumper
of wine, for each and every one Of US
has personally known, and loved, and
hOnOred, the very, best one Of them
all-his own mOther!" Applause. ]