Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1868-03-26

THE NEW HAMPSHIRE ELECTION THE
PREPARATIONS FOR A PROCESSION
WHICH DID NOT TAKE PLACE

fdEEAhAIlONo TUX n IhOOEcclON
- WHICH DID NOT TAKE PLACE
WASHINGTON, d. c., March Is, 1868.
Probably the happiest party witch ever
assembled in this vale of teers, wuz in the
White House on the night Nv the eleck.
shun in Moo Hampsheer. 1t wuz q gay
ard festive sceen. Hilarity rained. The
President, with unwonted smile onto his
face, his nose shinin with a preternateral
brilliarcy, his eyes sparklin with lite
that Good only come from a sole urcharged
with Joy and skin tolerably full Nv W his
ky, walked up and down the room, rub
bin his hand with glee that Good not be
repressed.
lis all prepared" asked Randall, Nv a
humble lookin cuss that does share Nv
his managin, Che wuz originally paid by
Mrs. Cobb, but sence her ontimely fail
yoor in biznis he is allowed the earnins Nv
one day In each month Nv whisky in
spector in Moo YorK), "is every thing ar.
rangede"
lit is, yoor Eggslency." (To these
fellers all the high officers are Eggslen-
cies") ~
Is the powder prokured for one b. n-
dred gunsf"
st is, yoor Eggslency."
Is the rockets drawed from the Navy
Department to be fired from the different
parts Nv the city to show spontaneous en-
thoosiasm?"
"They is, yoor Eggslency."
Hev the Department clerks bin notified
that it wood be well for EN- to gladly fall
into percession when His Eggslepcy the
President il to be serenaded, ct they desire
to keep ther pacess"
"They hev."
"Hev the transparencies bin painted
with the proper lnscriptionsf Did 700
see one inscribed sSinclair's majority
s,0O0i Moo Hsmpsheer's protest sgin
impeachment p"
They hev, and did,"
"Then," said Randall, "all is in readi.
ness. The brass bands know are in
waitin, Stsnbery writ the Presidents
speech this mornin, and he has it tolerably
well by heart, and the jollincashen must
60 orr smooth and pleasant"
At this moment the President ap'
preached.
liar sed he, ain one more short hour
Washinton will be alive with 10y, and the
country will breathe free. Moo Hamp
sheer hez spoken. In hour we shell hev
the glad intelligence that she hez been troc
to the Constooshen en- expound it-thal
she hez rebeoked Sumner, and Stevens, and
Wade, and sich, and sed in thunder tones
to the impious wretches, who wood, in me
pull down the pillars nv the Government,
stay yer franticidle hands, The thot over
powers me. Let's take suthin."
A half hour WIZ spent in innocen,
hilarity. The President showed the thor
oughnis Nv his reconversion to Dimocrisy
by takin hlzsen strste, with nothin in it
while Seward betrayed his orijin, and his
consekent onrellability, by drinkin some
kind Nv lite wine with no more body into
1t than wood be in watered cider.
"Confushun to Wader exclaimed tho
President, holdin up his glass and wstchln
the beads rise to the surface with pleased
eye.
moo Hampsheerl sed Seward, "msy
Connecticut carry forard the work she he
so gloriously begun"
"Our offises," sed Randall, "long may
we hold en-"
Kentucky" sed 1, "allus troo; tho al
other States may desert Dimoerisy, Ken
lucky will be faithful among the faithli
found. Her distIllers attest her steadiast
ness TO her party obligashens."
And in such toasts the 80 minutes wor,
away.
A private SECRETARY entered.
"A dispatch from Moo Hampsheer
"Ha!" said Randall, seezin 1t, SNOW
tremble Ablishism; quake Stevens, fo
your time is comet Exalt your horn, Di
mccrisy, for the reackshun is herer'
The gentle and trustful secretary opene(
II, read moment, turned pale and fell
fsintin on the floor. Seward glanced at i
and gaspin This is the end NV life," (wicl
he intended for his last words,) Tell Ike
wise PROSTATE. The President snatched i
from Stewards hands and tainted across tn,
rest Nv EN-, and Welles seein the Presiden
faint, did it beeoz the President did, with
out readin it. Welles takes physic ever
time the President does.
1 cnatohod tho dispatch and read it my
self ez follows:
To THE PRHsrDExr:-It's all up. I'm dea,
duck. Hartman Is elected by about 1900. TIL
reackshen got stuck In q notch NV the Whit,
Mountains. Pray for us. SINCLAIR"
Utterin stlngin cuss at Dean and Burr
and them fellows who have deceived US in
to belief that Moo Hsmpsheer wuz safe
sOt about bringin NV em TO- The Presi
dent wuz the longest q comm out Nv tn,
faint. Sadly they ariz, one after another
their dejeckshun contrastin powerful,
with the hilsrity Nv q moment afore.
Ringln . bell, Randall sed to the clerI
who answered it, ez follows:
700 may inform the bands that il
won't be necessary for EN- to longer wait
The men attendin the artillery may re
tire to the bosoms Nv their families, ant
those vaitin to be formed into sponta
neous professions may be dismissed. Tn,
President hez desired not to be serenadee
to-nite."
Jest then band wuz heard epproachin
Thunderi" sed Randall, "dare they PLAY
without orders" -
But we discovered that il WIZ not ths
ofishal band. A peroession wuz soon 6
passin afore the White House headed by 9
transparency, onto witch wuz dead duck
with face wonderfully like his Eggslen
cy's, and the band behind wuz playiI
ded marches and SIGH, with muffied
drums Four times these hartlis cusses
past up and down afore the White House
ais it not hidyuss" sed the President
Served 700 rite" red /. YOo WOOD
take matters in yoor own hands-yoo WOOD
attempt the work Nv q Statesman with the
QUALIFICATIONS Nv police court lawyer.
Wretched man." sed /, transixin him with
my piercenist gaze, g Why wood you at
tcupt W cos urc, WuObc mOutu - OuIl
capable of Limburg cheesef With Gran,
at the head nv the armies, why did you
attempt revolooehenf When 700 at
tempted to drive Stanton out, hednt you
sense enuf to know that it made direct
ishoo atween 700 and the Ablishnists from
which they Good not escspe, and that yool
death or theirn wuz' inevitablef Voc
made it nessary for EN- to any 700, and
in trooth, They've made lively commence
ment. Moo Hampshire is fatal stab, i'm
parchment will foller in sixty days, and
then long farewell to all our glory. Coed
mite, yoor Eggslency, pleasant dreems. I'll
to my chamber" ).d 1ffa a lia
And left the poor man weepin great
tears and bitter ones - II H.t1
p sent the follerin dispatch home TO the
e1. snsive on the Government, but Seward
told mo that tai, fin uuz O legitimate