davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
A SPUNKY EDITOR

He is CONVICTED OF LIBEL AND SEN
TENCED 10 IMPRISONMENT. WHAT He
THINKS OF GOING TO JAIL.
The editor of that very out-spokpn pa
per, the Memphis Au0t,nche, has been
sentenced to Imprisonment for libel.-
The following are his views N the matter,
viz: The Avalanche's editorial rooms in
few days viii be temporarily ! removed to
the county Jail on Adams street between
Second and Third. where We will be pleas
ed to meet our friends. A swindling vag-
abond, an unprincipled Judge, dressed in
a little brief authority, may trampls upon
law, IL urp authority, and incarcerate us in
loathsome dungeons, but thank God he
cannot chain the immortal mind which
scorns fatters, scars above despotism, and
since our right arm is not manacled or
pa'sied, we intend with our editorial pinch
ers to make the putrid flesh that covers
the rotten homes of our prosecutor quiver
like worm in the ashes. No amount of
Imprisonment can change our opinion of
William Hunter. We respect here all We
have said of him. We accused him of
taking straw bail Of receiving as secnrity
negroes who have been arrested for va
grancy. We repeat the charge, and what
is more we can prove it, Tue old swind-
Ter knows this, and will not, therefore, per-
nit US TO show to the world before the
Court he disgraces, that he has arrested
US for telling. the truth. Conscious that
the constitution and laws of. Tennessee
give US the right to expose corruption
to denounce an unprincipled Judge upon
the bench as freely as beggar upon the
street-we can well afford to scorn the
effort of Hunter to muzzle this press,
and defy him to do his worst.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
e. We have heard that it is in con

G. We have heard that it is in con-
temptation among the Radicals at Wash
ington that Sumner, in the Senate, and
Boutwell,, III the House. shall simultaneous.
ly introduce bills to change the name of
the mississippi" to the Niger and to
order the Secretary of the Interior to have
the Capitol painted black. The project
slumbprs, because the three Radical Sena-
tors who are not Yankees by birth, hesita-
ted, as 1t might not be approved by the
honest yeomen of the Mississippi Valley.
Sumner thinks he can succeed in getting a
majority vote to change the first syllable
of the new State of "Color'ado into
"Black.a moor and with the patient
waiting OF the man of one idea, he has
laid aside the Mississippi scheme, until his
proposed amendment of the name of the
Territory can be accomplished.-Age.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

DEATH FROM WANT OF SLEEP.-Tle
following communication was recently
made 10 British society. "A Chinese
merchant had been convicted of murder
ing his wife, and was sentenced to die by
being deprived Of sleep. This painful
mode of death was carried into execution
under the following circumstances. The
condemned was placed in prison under the
care of three police guards, who relieved
each other every alternate hour, and who
prevented the prisoner from sleeping,
night or day. He thus lived for nineteen
days without enjoying any sleep. At the
commencement of the eighth day his
snfftrings were So intense that he implored
the authorities to grant him the blessed
opportunity Of being strangled, guiil"tined,
burned to death, drowned, shot, garrotcd,
quartered, blown up with gunpowder, or
put TO death in any other conceivable way
which their humanity or fcrocity could
invent.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

Judge Griffith, ON the bench in New York
appointed crier whose want Of sense was
more than made up by the the size Of his
voice. A young barrister, with more fun
than legal lore in him was fond Of playing off
jokes on him. So one day the Judge order
ed the crier to call Jabez Logue. The bar
rister, stepping behind the crier, whisper cd.
"Epilogue - in his ear.
''Epi logue "' shouted the crier.
"Mono-logue !" said the lawyer.
"Mono-logue % cried the crler.
"Pro logue"
And the crier still cried, prologue !"
"Dia logue." ..
And the pertnacious crier shouted "Dia-
Iogue - at the top of his voice.
Discouraged at hearing no response from
the Logue family, the crier turned and said
TO the court, sitting in mute astonishment at
the stupid crier's calls.
ave called all the Logues in town, and
never one is here to speak for himself"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
AYERS
CATHARTIC PILLS

possess so many advantages over the other
purgativcs in the market, and their superior
virtues are so universally known. thatwe need
not do more than to assure the public their
quality is maintained equal to the best it ever
has hcCn. ana that they may be depended on
TO do all that they have ever done.
Prepared by J. c. AVER, NJ. d., Co.,
Lowell, Mass, and sold by
For sale byBunnell Bannatyne, and Lyman
Wills Tuukhann6tk, Sterling Son, MeshoPpen
Stevens & Ackley, LaceyviIle, Frear, Dsan Il Co
FactoryviIIe, and all Druggists aud DeUlsTs In med
cines, everywhere.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

How 1T WAS DoNE.-An Irishmau, addict.
ell to telling queer stories, said he saw q man
beheaded with his hands tied behind him,
who directly picked up his head, and put il
on his shoulders in the right place.
"Ha! ha !" said bystander show cod
he pick up his head when bis hands were
tied behind him ~ s.H
San sure what purity fool you are," said
Pat, ''Couldn't he pick it up with his
lathe ~ s Sail ..- aa e. -aa
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

HOMEOPATHY ExTRAoRDINARY.-The ho.
moeopathic rule that "hke cures like" receives
whimsical Offset in the following specimens
OF opposite practice
A lad swallowed a small lead bullet. His
friends were much alarmed about il, and his
father, that no means might be spared to
save his darling boys life, sent post haste to
a surgeon Of skill, directing his messenger to
tell him the circumstances and urge his com.
ing without delay. .. ...
The doctor was found, heard the dismal
tale, and with as much unconcern as he wo'd
manifest in a common headache, wrote the
following laconic note
"SIR-Dou't alarm yourself If, after three
weeks, tie bullet is not removed, give the
boy charge of powder. Yours, &C."
"P. Ss-Don't shoot the hey at any.
body"
This is much akin to the !aconic prescrip-
tion of the celebrated DR.. Abernethy.
An Irishman called in great haste upon the
doctor, stating that
"Be jabers, my boy Tim has swallowed o
mouse ~
"Then, be jabers," said Abernsthy, "tell
your boy Tim to swallow cat"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

A clerk near Boston, or elsewhere, recent>
ly commented in this way on Pocahoutas =
Said he, 'PocahoDtas was a great man-Po-
cahontas was noble, kind hearted and true
man." "Hold on" cried his companion,
"Pocahontas was womon," "She was, oh 2
Well, that's just my luck how am I expect
ed TO know 2 never read the Bible"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
w1A LITTLE boy had lived for SON

sW"A LITTLE boy had lived for some
time with penurious old uncle, who took
good care that the child's health should
not be injured by over-feeding. The un-
Gle was one day walking ont, the child
at his side } when frirRd accos,ed him,
accompanied by greyhound. While the
elders were talking, the little fellow never
having seen a dog of SO slim and
slight texture, clasped the creature around
the neck with the impassioned cry, "Oh,
doggie, ami did ye live wi your uncle too,
tha. 70 are 20 thin ?"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

MARRIAGE MADE EAsY.-We have
heard of people getting married by steam
and by telegraph, but new and novel
plan has been lnauguratcd which may he
styled marriage made easy. An editor
recently overheard two young ladies talk
ING on this subject. One said she was
sure she would faint, but the other said
when she got married she intended to
take chloroform. This is decidedly better
than the plan Of the bashful man who
wanted to slide into lnatrimony BY degrees.
A white handkerchief applied to the nose,
a moment passed in bI,ssful dreams, and
you awake in the promised land Get
ting married by chloroform will undouht-
edIy become very popular with the ladies.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
fS- 4" Dr. said A hard looking custom

EFT" Dr. said hard looking custom
er the other day to physician, " am
troubled with depression, an uneasiness
about the breast What do yon suppose
the matter is q "All very easily accoun-
ted for" said the physician You have
water on the chest" Water Come,
that will do well enough for a joke but
how could l get water on my chest, when
] havn't touched drop for years ?"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

A Berkshire paper says that fellow in
that vicinity was courting his girl on Monday
evening, and, wishing to be conversational,
observed: THE thermom okron 10 twenty
degrees below zelon this eyenin'" eyes" in
nocently replied the maiden, -'such kinds Of
birds do fly higher some seasons Of the year
than Others"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
BnetrU.
From the Philadelphia Sunday Mercury.l
THE TAILOR AND THE NEDDY

4 Truthful Tale, shouting hoD a Warrington Tai
Tor turned a Stubborn Neddy out ofd War STD
bic, and horr the Neddy brayed until COngre''
passed bill prerenting Cruelty to animals, buI
said bill being disregarded by the Tailor, h
,ras forthwith Inlpedehed for High Grimes ana
lIisdemeanors correctly copied from the BLACK
Larrs Qfhe Fortisth Congress.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

At young ladies' Seminary recently, dur.
ing an examination in history, one Of the
pupils was interrogated
"Mary, did Martin Luther die q natural
death ?" ... ..
"No." was the reply, che was exeomuuni-
Gated by BULL" ........
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

At a colored party, Sambo asked Dinah
if he should help ber to some of the breast.
"Now, amt you 'sbamed Sambo, to say
breast before the ladies ? I'll take a piece Of
turkey bosom"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

A statistical writer says, "a girl to-day
coats four times as much per pound as one
cost thirty years sgo." To US they are alv
ways dear. sI1
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

Hon. Geo. Vickers, the new United
States Senator from Maryland, was admit
ted to his seat on Monday last The
Radicals made an effort to prevent his ad-
mission but sigualIy failed,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

MY opinion is, said a philosophical old
lady of much experience and observation,
"that any man as dies upon washing day
does it out of a pure Spite"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

Man is like a SNOWFALL. Leave him
dying in idleness against the sunny fence
of prosperity, and all good that is in him
melts like butter; but kick him around,
and he gathers strength with every sue
cessive revolution until he grows into an
avalanche. To succeed, you must keep
moving
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
THE HEALING POOL,

AND TUJsE OF MENNIs
Howard Assuci alton Reports, for YOUNG
MEN on the CRIME OF SOLITUDE, and TIE Err
RORS, ABUSES and DISEASES which destroy tie
manly powers, and create impedimcnts TO MAXI
RIAGE, with sure means of relief. Sent IN sea cd
letter. enl elopes. free of charge. Address DIR. j.
SKILLEN HOUGHToN, Howard Association,
Philadelphia. Pa.
6n44- lyear.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

Some of the Brahmius in In dia have as
many as l35 wives. This beats the Mormons
out of sight.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

ES- "That's what | call capital punish
ment," as the boy said when his mother
shut him up in the dark closet among all
the preserves.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

Tcrms-l copy year, tin advance) $500; if
ma paid within six months, $3.50 will be charged
NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar
rsa so,re 1; unless at the option Of publisher
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

G. The imsginations of men do moro
than nature to make women beautiful
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01


'a.sed a bill prerenting Cruelty to animals,
aid bill being disregardsd by the Tailor
ras forthwith Impedohed for High Grimes
correctly copied from the B
LARS Qfhe FOrtieh Congress.
BY PETER PEPPERC0RN.
CHAPTER I.
IF I had donkey and he would not 20,
Do YOU think I'd beat him 7 No, no, no"
All the dogs will have their day,
And SO will all the coons
The puppies will two mornings have,
The sluts two afternoons
But ms the cats have each nine lives,
And largely deal in news,
And pay no Tar, they nll may have
Whatever time they choose,
But of another animal
here will tell fable,
Which lived for years at Washington,
In the war Office stable.
Like other stubborn Nedlies, he
Could slyIy deal in kicks;
None but his breed could trust him,
He had done such dirty tricks.
By feeding at the public crib,
His ears so long had grown,
lie foolishly began to think
The stable was his own.
Because he had lrOoiiy head,
And heart as black as Goa!
lie claimed to be loyal 1oke,
And free from all control.
AT last he bIay'd so very loud,
And kicked up such rout,
A Tailor boldly undertook
To turn the Neddy out.
Blu: scarcely was poor Edrin thrust
Outside the stable door,
Than he legan to kick and bray
More fercely than before.
As soon as Congressional the noise,
Learned what 1t was about,
The members swore the Tailor could
Not turn the Neddy out.
Beside. poor EdIrin rras spy,
And one ofiheir olrn breed,
And should within the stable stop
And fatten on the feed
There fore, they framed and passed bill
As soon as they were able,
To make the Tailor take again
Their Neddy in the stable.
At this the Tailor said on him
There should be no restraint
Beside, of Neddy's stable he
Had made a General Grant
But Congress svors that they would NOT
By any grant abide,
For such thing was only smoke,
Unless upon their side,
And in the stable Neddy should
Again be put by force
No Tailor could turn cut a moke,
But PT'aps might Grant a horse.
So Neddy at the public crib
His former place received,
Which clearly Prores General Grant
Is not 10 be beliered.
As Neddy, by the treacherous Grant,
Was put into the stable,
He Wac Determined to stick In
AstlOng as he was able.
And bra I'd far louder than before.
Cocked.up his tail and ears,
Daring the Tailor to come in
And crop them with his shears.
The Tailor, nothing daunted iras,
But Thomas sent in haste,
Up to, the stable 10 turn out
Again the braying beast.
But Congress swOre 1t treason llrds,
Their Neddy to provoke,
And Thomas was arrested
For looking al the moke.
And took before Judge Garter
Who put him under bail
For speaking disrespectful of
Poor Eduia's ears and tail.
Meanwhile, the Ncddy very close
Within the stable kept,
Afraid to come outside the door,
For thore hesate. .and slept:
And General Thayer lay all night
With Neddy on the straw,
For fear that Thomas should again
Attempt to break the law.
AT this Congress became enraged,
And irantically screeched
That Tailor for his cruelty
Shall quickly be impeached.
And be suspended, for ho has
The Porer us hold defed,
And by the biggest rogueS leiihn
The Senate shall be tried
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
Wise ami 4thtrhiss.

Qui lip says. that the only sure thing be
knows Of to prevent hair from falling of 10
hair pins. -...-......-. .-..-t
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

The Paris Press says gentleman ac-
costed voter Of that place with the ques-
ton:
"Sam, who did you vote for 2"
W-I-I vote for for for"
"Did you vote for universal suffrage 2"
"Dat's him swear fore God ! like to
frgce."
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

The exceedingly short coats worn now-a-
days might DO called petty-coats.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
RATES OF ADVERTISING.


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Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
BY PETER PEPPERC0RN.
CHAPTER I.

r'If had donkey and he would not CO.
Do you think I'd beat him No, no, no."
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
WyOmlng 4emurrat.

A Democratic weekly
paper devoted to Poll
,ics News, the Art,
and Sciences he. Pub
iuhed every We laes-
day, Ut Tunkhannock
wyoming CCunty,Pa
5Y HARVEY SEEKER
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

DR. 7. BURNS has permanently located in
TznkhSsupcs Borough, and respectfully tenders
kls professional SeFvic~s Ia its citizens
oSco On second Eeor, formerly occupied hy Dr.
Ri,nRSu
ySaS0tf
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
JOB WORK

syF A Ive-tisements must he handed in bv TuEs
nAY No5s. 70 Insure iu,ertion the same week.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01
Business Notices.

> X, & ~ = LITTLE ATTORNEYS Al
Ii Law Oacc on Ttoga Street Cunkhannock Ia
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

~ J., PARRISH, ATTORNEY AT LAW
W ua,~e st the Count House, in Tunkhanock
" ysmi-r C.. Pa
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-04-01

IL COOPER. PHYSICIAN 4 SURGEO
H. Newton Centre, LuEcrno County Pa.
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1868-10-17
To the Soldiers and Sail ors of Penn.
sylVania.
HEADQUARTERS SOLDIERS AND SAILORS
STATE CENTRAL COMMITTEE,

HEADQUARTERS SOLDIERS AND SAILORS
STATE CENTRAL COMMITTEE,
PHILADELPHIA, Oct. 16, 1868.
COMRADES You have turned the flank of your
old enemy and he is in full retreat but you must
not pause for an instant in your pursuit. Follow
him up and press him upon all sides, until he is po
litically annihilated, and Forrest and Wade Hamp-
ton have surrendered in the last ditch. By the
wayside you will find many heretofore misguided
men who will gladly join your victorious column.
To all such you should extend the hand Of welcome
and forget the past.
Be not blinded by the declaration that the oppo-
sition have given up the fight. Place reliance in
rumors of change of candidates. These things
are simply weak inventions of the enemy, intended
to induce you to halt in your forward movement.
Keep up your organizations of "Boys in Blue"
Let them in fact be permanent institutions in this
generation. Let them continue, glorious monu-
ments of noble fight for which your children's
children shall bless you.
Let your efforts be solely devoted to increasing
the vote of last Tuesday, and by this means de-
monstrate how overwhelming would have been
your triumph had the gang of rebel vagabonds who
invaded the city of Philadelphia been required by
their allies at their own homes.
BY order of the Committee.
CHARLES II. 4. COILS, Chairman.
A. J.. RUSSELL Secretary.
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1868-10-17
POLITICAL.

The Titusville (Pa.) Herald says that
party Of Copperheads, returning from Pen
dleton meeting last Thursday, brutally
abused the little son of Rev. N. S. Sage, be-
cause the boy cheered for Grant. Mr.. Sage
was formerly opposed to Grant, but this in
human conduct of the Bairites has determined
him to use all his efforts to secure Grants
election.
The Lancaster (Pa.) Inteligeucer admits
that the deserters from our army now vote
the Democratic ticket, and enjoins upon them
to remember that no one of them eau be de-
MED to vote unless 1t is proven that he has
been regularly tried by a court-martial and
duly convicted.
in reply to question put to him at
Cleveland, Ohio, a few days since, whether he
indorsed Blair's revolutionary programme,
Hon. George II. Pendleton said:-"I don't
quite agree with General Blair that that is the
only way, but can tell you | think it is a
very good way"
"A very significant ''straw'' was gathered
on the boat convey ing the Plug Uglies aud
sports from the Kelley Seddons prize light on
the Isle of Shoals, on last Thursday. The vote
showed one hundred and sixty six for Seymour
and three for Grant.
Rebel Percy Walker, JEFF. Davis Secretary
of War at Montgomery, who was going to
plant the Rebel flag on the Capitol at Wash
ington before the end of May, 1861, is now
upon the stump, doing immense things by
calling General Grant "humau donkey"
The st. Louis Democrat predicts that Mis-
souri, will give Grant 10000 majority, and
that seven of the nine congressman will be
Republican.
DR. Sperry, of De Soto, Wisconsin, Chair
man of Democratic Club, has renounced the
Democratic party, and goes for Grant and
| Coliax.
The New Orleans FUening Delta, a Rebel
sheet, has expired rom lack of support
mon ned by small circle of Rebel friends.
The London Star, reading Democratic
songs in the New York World, says they are
vulgar and disgraoeful to any paper.
The Quakers voted in Pennsylvania or
Tuesday, and the Seymourners all over the
country are quaking to-day.
-0rville Pool, of Gallatin, ILL.,, Democrat
all his life, has raised a Grant and Cofax pole
The Belot Free Press says; -"Wisoonsir
W II never consent to give Grant and COlfa1
less than Is 600 maority."
Hon. Alfred Russell, United States Dis
trict Attorney for Michigan, has pronounced
iVr UIAL"