The morning star and Catholic messenger. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1868-1881, 1868-12-27
W.T. AVID wIsDoM.


Ocean Lumber-The sea-boarl
Tight Fit-Delirium tremens.
The Longest Rope in the World-Eur6pe.
AL flowers of speech spring from tulips.
The First Vegetable ever known-Time.
Voracious Cannibal-An anteater.
The Commonest Social Vice-Advice.
Movement in Real Estate-An earthquake
How to punish a hungry man. Drive a steal
| into him.
When may chair be said to dislike you
When it can't bear you.
When is flock of sheep like our climate
When it is composed of all wethers.
| What must always be calculated upon when
| we paint our houses 7 brush with the painter.
| He that would have wife without fault
must remain a bachelor.
| Foul Play-Serving you with an old hen
when you call for spring chicken.
Why would lawyers make good soldiers
Because they know how to charge.
Apublic singer who SO draws" well-The mo-
squito.
What is the most dangerous ship to embark
in Authorship.
Why is praising children like preparation
OF opium because it's laudlin' 'enl.
For what incorporation was Eve created 7
For Adams Express Company.
Be not all sugar, the world will swallow
thee up; nor all NORWOOD, or it will spit thee
out.
Gold is an idol worshiped in all climates,
without a single temple; and by all classes
without single hypocrite.
!" Are the hogs that go to Cincinnati ill ''
Ne, my child, why do~you ask p because
the papers say they are cured there 7"
person at tavern complaining of the
s SINAI OF the chops wag observed, 'Prob-
ABLY the sheep were fed on short commons.n
- Scotch Cannibal-A lady advertises in a
Glasgow paper that she wants gentleman for
breakfast and tea"
Anna Maria Story was married to Bob Short.
A very pleasant way of making story short.
They made but one story between them.
A poultry fancier lately procured picture of
favorite hen, which was so natural that it
laid on his table for several weeks.
Tell your mistress I've torn the curtain,n
mistress will put it down as extra rent"
When you put on your stockings, why are
you sure to make mistake Z Because YOU nut
your foot into it.
"What is it that causes the sadness of the
ocean !" inquired teacher. "The goldfish"
was the reply.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES an organ-srinder for
five minutes.
1t is said that " as the twig is bent the tree
IS inclined" Some Young ladies will grow
lueeriy If the Grecian bend prevails long.
One of the papers contains an advertisements |
. Lost, a black silk umbrella belonging to a
gentleman with IA curiously carved ivory head.
The proprietor of bone-mill advertises that |
those sending their bones to be ground, will
oe attended to with punctuality and dispatch. |
Why don't you ask me how am 2" smiling
~ said a visitor to four-year-oId girl. "Be-
cause don't want to know" was the candid |
reply.
If you want to abbreviata mans stature |
isk him to lend you twenty-five dollars OF
curse he says he's short, and shows it by the |
'est OF his conversation.
An old woman, standing by the corpse of hcr@
deceased husband, bewailing his untimelyI de-
3afture, observed, . It's pity he's dead, for
Ills teeth are as good as ever they was"
Mr.. Smith, ma wants you if>fhe kitchen"
Wants me in the kitchen Are you sure Z" |
: Oh, yes; she's making preserves, and she told |
ne to fetch her the bjggeaA spoon 1 could find"
A negro clergyman addressed his congrega-
low to telbde sheep from de goats. Berry well,
shall ask you which of dem hab de wool"
How to be Happy.-A good man. who has
zen mn .l of the world, and is not tired of it,
ays, The grand essentials to happiness in
his life are something to do, something to
owe, and something to hopefor.n
We have found that blacksmiths are more or
ess given to vice. Carpenters, for the most
hey get chance. Not unfrequently they are
'ores, and annoy one with their old saws.
1t being limited to barrister, who was
vearylng the court with a long and dull argu-
nent, that he ought to bring it to a close, he +
ngrily, replied. 81 will speak as long I
lease" You have spoken longer than you
lease already" said his antagonist. q
At school at Wallsend, near Newcastle,
England, the master asked q class of boys the
1eaning of the word appetite" when, after
hort pause, one little boy said, So know sir.
Vhen Pm eatin I'm 'appy, and when Pm done
m tight"
I'm SO lame from the railroad crash of last
Teek can hardly stand, |" said limping chap.
Well, then. hope you intend to sue for dam
ges," said his friend. Damages! No, no;I
ave had damages enough by them. If sue
II anything, it will be for repairs.
fresh arrival from England went the other
ay to a livery stable, and expressed wish for
carriage. The man in attendance asked if he
ould like to have buffalo. The cockney APP
cared startled, and stammered out, "Well,
link I'd rather ave n 'oss."
A well-knOwu lawyer in RostOn had n horse |