Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1868-06-27
Peculiar Men.

Josh Billings spends his time studying
human and other kinds of nature, and send
ing out the results of his investigation
His last is all about peculiar men.
The Jealous Nan is alwuz hunting.
He IL alwuz q hunting for sumthing that
lie don't expeckt few find, and after he haz
found it, then he liz mad bekauze he has
These fellers don't beleav in spooks, and yet
they are about the only folks who ever sec
emmy. A jealous man IL alwus happy jist in
proportion az he IL mizerable.
Jelosy IL disease, and it IL a good deal
like sea sickness dreadful sick and kant
vomit.
The anonymous Nan boards at red tav-
ern, and pays for his board by tending bar
occasionally. He haiht got emmy more kar-
akter than the jack ov spades haz when it
amt trumps.
lie il loafer by professhuh, without emmy
vices.
He rides on the box opce In while with
the driver, and nobody thinks Of asking for
his stage fare.
He sprung frcm a respectable family; hiz
great grandfather wuz justiss ov the peace !;
but he has not got vanity cnuff tcw brag on
it.
He aint necessarily = phool, eIry more
than bulls eye watch IL; if emmy body will
wind him he will sett still and run quietly
down.
The Stiff Man looks down, when he walks,
upon folks. He don't seem te% hav but
one timber jinte in him and that il lokated
in hiz noze.
He IL a kind of masculine turkey, on
parade, in barn-yard.
He is generally loaded with wisdom clear
up tew the muzzell, and, when he gees oph,
makes noize like cannon, but don't dew
emmy dammage.
have seen him fire into a crowd, and
miss every man.
This kind Nv stiff man IL very handy tew
fiatter. They seem tew know they amt en-
titled to a good article, and therefore, are
satisfied with very hard soap.
There amt but fu men who get stiff on
what they acktualy know, but most aul og
thsm git stiff on what they aGktdally feel
Stiff MEN are called aristokrats, but this
amt SO. There amt no such thing as aris-
tokrats In this country.
Tile country amt long ehuf yet, unles q
man has got some Indian in him.
Az a gen'ral thing, stiff MEN get mad
dreadful easy, and lave tew git over it
dreadful easy, bekausc folks amt apt ten
git big skafe at what they ain't afraid ov.
STIFF Man had q grandfather once who
went tew Congress once from our dis.
tiki, and thare aih't one In the whole fam
lily that hav beer able to lithbet sinse.
The Model Nan never disturbs hen
when she is setting; never speaks cross tew
lorst dorg; alwuz ptts fiye.cent shin
plaster in his vest pocket late Saturday
night, tew have it ready Sunday tnothitg
for the church platter; rises whenever a
lady enters the street kars; remembers yure
tincle plainly, and asks after awl tile family.
If he steps on kats tail, IL Sure to do it
light, and immediately asks her pardon ;
teads the Weekly Gossip, and laffs bekause
he kant help it; hooks Up his wife's dress
and plays hoss with the children. Never
NEEDLES with cream in the milk pans goes
eazily ov errands, and cuths back in seazon
attends everybody's phuneral; kan alwuz
tell when the mooh changes; thinks just
az you do, or the other way, if yu want
him to; follows eyeryboddy's advice but
his own; praktices most ov the vittews
without knowing it; leads the life of a
shorn lamb; gets sick after q while, and
dies az soon as he kan, TO Saye making emmy
furtheI trouble