The Portland daily press., 1868-10-23
Miscellany.
Clippings from Ha,per's "Drawer., ,,

Clippings from Hasper's ssDrawer.v
An invalid, gradually recovering from an
attack OF sickness which had left him very
weak, was recommended by his physician to
rub himself all over every night on going to
bed with the best OF brandy, as a means of
regainlng his strength. Accordingly he sent
10 MS FAMILY grocer, with whom he had dealt
ior years, and ordered quantity of the Uery
oest old cOgnGc," from the application OF
which, for several successive nights, he evil
IDENTIFY felt much better. So he continued the
process until one morning, to his horror, he
found his entire cuticle of deep crimson col
Or-darker by good many shades than
well-boiled lobster! Springing up in alarm.
the family was reused and the doctor sent for
in haste. Coming IT. and taking a look at his
patient he could not restrain a lauoh. Inf
seeing the sick man and his family deeply
alarmed he sObered his risibles, and asked,
HAS he rubbed himself every night, as | or
dered p "Yes, faithfully" ''The best of
brandyw "Yes, doctor, the very best; we
never use any other" Let me see it," So
the bottle was brought, and the doctor tasted
it and shook his head; and thinking a mo-
ment said: "Pll take it home and examine it
there are so many tricks among lquor-deal
ers. "Oh, no fear of that with our grocer
He sells none but the uery best OF liquors ::
imports them all directly himself" sWell,
I'll look into it." And calming the family
fears, the cd doctor departed, taking the
pure old cognac in his pocket. In a short
time the bell rang, and a note was handed in
DEAR L.,-Make yourself perfectly easy; the
cognac is gerry good WhiskeV, and won't hurt
you. 1t aoas the l0geoOod did your business p
The eccentric Elder S--n, we'll known to
many as an active and earnest Baptist preach
er, once said from the pulpit "They say
there's no such thing as family government
nowadays. But there is tell you there is
Just as much as there ever was but" lean
ing over the pulpit, and lowering his voice
into quiet, confidential tone) 1.-THE differ
ence is,when grew up the old folks govern
ed the young ones, but now the young ones
govern the old ones"
Not far from where he said it Mrs. -. a
Woodworking woman, one day undertook to
noe her boy Johnny, stout chap of some fif-
teen years of age, for something he had done
or omitted. She laid it on quite smartly for
minute or two, till Johnny, thinking he had
borne about enough, suddenly turned and
struck the old lady..a good smart blow on the
slde OF her cheek. Dropping her stick in ut
ter amazement, she exclaimed:
"Well, well! did ever think it would come
to this-my own boy Johnny strike his moth
er?"
swell, who begun it, I'd like to know-who
begun it ?" was the filial answer
Another OF the humorous incidents of the
war comes to us from Jacksonville. Florida
from one whose duty it was, by the aid of the
honorable dfum-stick, to cali the armed hosts
together for battle:
while stationed In louisiana" SAYS our
ruo-a-dub, - went out one day, taking my
drum, and returned to camp with it full of
poultry, slung over my shoulder. Passing Ma.
Jor Ms tent, where two or three officers
were lounging, he said: Frank, beat the First
Sergeant's CALI What could 1 do? While
cogItating about it, the Major stepped out, ev-
identity annoyed at my delay, and coming close
to me, repeated: Do you hear, Sir? beat the
First Sergeant's callp Being pet of the Ma
jor's, thought I'd tell the truth; so, leaning
over, whispered: Pve three or four hens in
my drum, and one is for you.' The Major
smiled and said with wink: Oh you're sick,
are ou?-well, aohy didn't you sag so ? Cali
one OF the drummersp which did. The Ma
jor had pullet for dinner.
The old "East Church, in Salem. Massa-
chusetts, was built in the very olden time and
OF the best material, principally of white oak
Inc congregation was largely composed of
retired sea-captains, who had doue good SER
vice to their country, and were loyal to a man,
After the death of their pastor, the Rev. DR..
Bentley, delegation from the Society was
sent over to the south shore to invite the Rev.
DIR. Flint to become theirpastor In the course
OF the conference the Doctor asked the dele
gates concerning the character of their Church
Platform. After looking at each other. one
OF the delegation said, ct is avhite oak-isn't
IT, Sam?' " Yes, Doctor, our whole church
is built of white oak, platform and all "You
perhaps did not understand me-" answered
the Doctor; 81 meant your church creed" To
this interrogatory the reply was very prompt.
"Oh, Doctor, 1ce are all Democrats, eperu
one Of u.s." "Ahw said the Doctor, ~ u,a-
derstand it now"