North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-01-15
McGREGoR, IOWA, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY Is, 1868
\ Wedding Night shirt.


It wasn't hardly the fair thing that the
boys did to Joe Thompson the night he
was married, but the temptation was irrc.
sistibls They could not have helned i,
to have saved their lives. I'll tell you how
it was.
Joe was about the most fancy dressed
puck IN the town-over nice and particu.
lara perfect Miss Nancy in manners, al.
ways putting on airs. and more dainty and
modest than girl. Well, when his wed
ding night came, he was dressed trunk
empty, and his pants especially fitted him
as If they had been moulds and his legs
candles, and were run into them. Tight
was NJ name for them. Their set was inn
mensc. and he was prouder than half a
dozen peacocks.
Aren't they nice, boys p he asked OF
the two who were to begroomsmen, and to
see that he threw himself away after the
most approved fashion.
| Stunning! Gorgeous r. replied Tom
Bennett. '.Never saw anything equal to
| them. But, ] say, Joe, aren't they just the
least bit tight It strikes me that you
will have some difficulty in bending won't t
you p
:" Pshaw, no they are as easy as an old
glove. See ~
To prove tie matter he bent down 50 as
| to touch his patent feathers, when crack,
crack, followed like the twin reports Of u
revolver.
Thunder r. exclaimed Joe, as he put
his hands behind, and found rent in the
! cashmere from stem to stern. 'By thun-
der ! the pants have burst, and what shall
I do p al
II should rather think they had" an
swercd Tom, getting purple in the face, as
he endeavored to control his laughter
! But there is no time to get another pair.
1t only wants half an hour to the standing
up time, and We have got mile to CO.
Carriage waiting, too.'
What shall | do; what shall do ?''
"I'll tell you what, if mine would ft
you, you should have them in welcome,
i but they are about mile to big would
! set like q shirt on bean pole. zee no
WHY hut to have them mended."
Who can get to do it, Tom :"
| Well, ] am something Of tailor, and
can fix them so that they won't show.--
Hold on minute, and Ill get needle
and thread"
| Scan you? May heaven bless you ~
OF with your coat,' commanded Tom,
as he came back;
+" Now lay yourself over on the bed and
will fix you in short order"
/ The command was obeyed the pants
mcn9ed !; the coat tails carefully Pinned
over, so as to conceal the distress for rent
and oil went merry as marriage bell, un-
til Joe followed his blushing bride to the
nuptial couch. :
l 1Sp Il 1s<-l~k
but it enabled Joe, as he glanced bashful-
ly around, to see the sweetest face in the
world. the rosy cheeks and ripe lips, the
lovely and loving blue eyes, and the gold
en- curls just peeping from out the snowy
sheets, and he extinguished it altogether
and hastened to disrobe himself. Off came
coat, vest, fancy neck tie and collar, boots
and socks in q hurry, but somehow the
pants stuck. The more he tried the more
they wouldn't come, and he tuggcd vainly
for half an hour.
'Thunder ~ muttered Joe.
"What is the matter, dear 2" came il
the softest of accents from the bed, wher,
somebody was wondering if he was ever
going to come to her arms.
1t was moment of desperation Jos
was entirely overcome by the situation
and, forgetting his accustomed bashful
ness, blurted out:
|. Moll, that cussed Tom Bennett ha.
$. wed my pants, drawers, shirt and under
shirt all together"
1t is too bad. Wait moment, m,
dear'
! A little stockingless foot pceped out FIRST
then ruffled nishtdress, the lamp wa
lighted, pair Of scissors found, Joe re
leased, and, although he denies il, Ton
Bennett swears that his wedding shirt was
of the shortest possible extent, reasoning
a posteri0ri.