Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1868-05-05
HU MOROUS.

"A polite young lady recently asserted
that she had lived near barn yard, and could
not sleep in the morning on account Of the
cutlery made by gentleman hen.
THE editor of the Morristown Gazette
duns his patrons as follows: ga man might
as we'll attempt to quench the phosphorescent
emanations from the tail end of lightning
bug with squirt gun, as to try to run q news
paper without money"
DR. Zeke, Gan original colored Dentist"
advertises in the Augusta, Ga. papers that lie
is prepared to supply to colored ladies "arti-
fetal teeth, with plumpers, mounted on plates,
in neat and durable manner, to restore the
original expression of the face.
-"Jack did you ever 60 to sea ?" ~
guess l did last year, for instance, l went
to see red headed girl, but only went there
once"
"Why SOP
'Because her brother had an unpleasant
way of throwing boot-jacks and smoothing
irons at people"
Boarding houses in Springfield are known
rs "hash-mills, ""white pine biscuit factorie."
and "sewed and peggcd pie establishments"
Hash itself had risen to the dignity of "sati-
eette padding" The papers are jubilant
ever the prospect of first-class boarding.
house, an establishment which Springfield
has never yet known.
-Kratsalaat's wife discovered her old hen
sitting in the back yard and "bust up her
nest" Soon after the poor wife came in
much excited, saying: "NIy dear Kratsalaat,
I took the eggs from Browne and she has
gone and sot onto an old meat axe" "Let
her set. said the bilious old fellow "If she
sets On an axe, nay DO shell hatchet!'
A Western orator has somewhat STAR
tied his hearers by proposing the idea of
"grasping ray of light from the great orb
of day, spinning it into threads of gold, and
with them weaving shroud in which to
wrap the whirlwind which dies upon the bo-
som of our Western praries." They fear
that the machinery would break before the
fabric was through the loom.
- A country doctor, being out for a days
shooting, took his GRAND boy to carry his game
bag. Entering field of turnips, the dog point
ed, and the boy, overjoyed at the prospect of
his masters success, exclaimed:
"Lor master, there's a covey; if you get near
'em won't you physic em v'
Physic them, you young rascal. What do
sou mean ~ said the doctor.
"Why kill 'em to be sure replied the lad.
Twas Sunday night The moon shone
bright, and all was cool and shady, when
gay young gent, down Main street went a
walking with lady. They talked of love;
he called her dove; he told of his affection.
She heaved sigh ana turned her eye in an
opposite direction. But why that start that
chills the heart, as if with ice incrustcd All
do not blame sweet Sarah Jane to hair pins
she has trusted, but hear her shrek or rather
speak "My waterfall has busted"
"A justice of the peace who had but re-
Gently assumed the dignity of that important
odice in one of the mushroom towns on the
Union Pacific railroad was called on among
his first duties to pass upon the guilt or inno-
cence of man arrested for murder The
following colloGuy constituted the cxamina-
ton:
Justicc:-Confound you, sir, did you kill
that man?
Prisoner.-Yes, sir.
Justce.-Was any one present at the time?
Prsoner-No, sir.
Justce.-Then, as it will be impossible
for the court to prove your guilt, you are dis
charged.