The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-05-01

AN Irishman being in church where
the collection apparatus resembled an
election box ,on its being passed to him,
whispered in the carriers ear that he
was not naturalized, and could not vote,
but he was ready to make speech.
A JUROR having applied to the judge
to be excused from serving, on account
of deafness, the judge said
"Could you hear my charge to the
jury, -ir?"
"Ies, heard your honor's Charge
said the juror, 'but | couldn't make
any sense out of it,
He was excused.
a CERTAIN clerk recently made the
following comment ON Pocahontas:
Said he, "Pocahontas was a great man.
Pocahonta- was noble, kind-hearted
and true man." "Hold on,n cried his
companion, "pocahontas wasawoman."
'Shc was, ell :" said he, ''well, that's
just my luck how am | expected to
know: | never read the Bible
"YoU have lost your baby, | hear"
said one gentleman to another. ''Yes,
poor little thing! 1t was only five
months old, We did all we could for
it. We had four doctors, blistered it,
head and feet, put mustard poultices
all over it, gave it nine calomel pow
ders, leeched its temples, had it bled,
and gave it all kinds of medicines and
yet, after weeks illness, it died"
"SALLY,' said green youth, in u
venerable white hat and gray pants,
through which his legs projected half u
foot, "Sally, before we go into this mu-
scum to see the happy family, want
to ask you something" "Well, Icha-
bod, what is it?" "Well, you see this
ere business is guine to cost a hull quar-
ter apiece, and can't afford TO spend
so much for nothin', Now, If you'll
say you'll hev me, darned eli l don't
pay the hull ont myself"
ACERrAIN doctor when called to see
, children, no matter what might be the
, symptoms, always prescribed for one
and the same malady Being
summoned one day to the bedside OF a
1 little boy, he gravely sat down and
, having felt Of the patients pulse, look
, ed up gravely through his spectacles,
= and said to the mother in a solemn tone:
e Worms, madam, worms" To which
the mother responded: IL tell ye, doe
4 tor, the boy han't got single worm
It He stumbled over a stick of wood and
II broke his leg and want 1t set quick. ~
e The doctor, not at all nonplussed, but
n still determined to vindicate his theory
It put on very solemn look, as he said
y "Worms, madam, assure you-worm'
l. in the wood"
L SENSIBLE TO TIE LAsT.--It has lon.
rs been observed by medical writers that
II death is frequently preceded by insani'
10 ty, fact which has occasioned the re
IL mark that II was not astonishing, fo
's every body knew that when folks gc
III madder they We're about to die. Thl
'u reminds US of a case which occurrc
ne many years ago in the Philadelphi
a court, whore Il pretty young widow wf
40 in danger of losing two-thirds of he
os husbands estate-his relatives groundin
'y their claim on the alleged insanity
eu the detunct. 1t may be as we'll to pr
Ao mise that the presiding judge was n,
VI only convivial but also very gallant
us "What We're your husbands Ia
co words:' inquired the attorney,
US The pretty young widow blushe
ere and looking down, replied, I'd rath
zen not tell"
ere "But, indeed, you must ma'al
eir Your claim, may be decided by it,"
=" Still blushing, the widow declined
''e' tell, At last direct appeal from t
cry bench elected the information.
Mas "lie said, kiss me, Polly, and OF
ans that other bottle of champagne
III We know not whether it was adj
hg- ration for the deceased husband or
ac- living wife that inspired the Judge
igle this instant, but he at once cried W
'lth all the enthusiasm of conviction, as
= to sible to the Blackstone -