Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1868-02-04
MISCEL LANEOUs.
MARX Twain" Disoourseth on Woman.

At banquet of the Newspaper Cores
nondepts' Club, given at Washington, Satur-
dov night. s.Mark Twain" the humorous lee
turer responded as follows to sentiment to
woman:
Mr.. President: I do not know why I
should have been singled out to receive the
greatest distinction of the evening-for so the
Office of replying to the toast to woman has
been regarded in every age. Applause. /
do not know, why have received this dis
tinction, unless it be that l am trife less
homeIy than the other members of the Club.
But be this as it may, Mr.. President, l am
proud of the position, and you could not have
chosen any one who would have accepted il
more gladly, or labored with heartier good
will to do the sub ect justice, than |. Because,
sir, love the sex. Laughter. love all
the women, sir, irrespective OF age or color.
Laughter.
Human Intelligence cannot estimate what we
owe to woman, sir. She sews on our buttons,
Elaug liter, she mends our clothes, laughter,
she ropes us in at the church fairs-she con
tides i'll us; she tells US whatever she can find
out about the little private affairs Of the neigh
bors-she gives us good adyice-and plenty
Of it-she gives us piece of her mind, some
timcs-and sometimes all of it-she soothes
our aching brow-she bears our children
ours as a general thing. In all the relations
of life, sir, it is but just and graceful tri-
! butte to woman to say of her that she is brick.
[Great laug glitter.
Wheresoeyer you place woman, sir-in
| whatsoever position or estate-she is an orna-
ment to that place she occupies, and treasure
to the world. Here Mr.. Twain paused, look
ed inquiringly at his hearers and remarked
! that the applause should come in at this point
1t came in. Mr.. Twain resumed his eulogy.
Look at the noble names of history! Look
at the Cleopatra Look at Desdemona -
look at Florence Nightingale look at j oan
probation expressed "Well," said Mr.
Twain, scratching his head doubtfully, "sup-
| pose we let Lucrecia slide" Look at Joyce
| Heth look at Mother Eve II Cries of
| "OhwI You need not look at her unless
YOU want to but, Tsad Mr.. Twain refectively,
after pause Eve was ornamental. Sir
| particularly before the fashions changed ! l
repeat sir, look at the ilustrious names Of
| history. Look at the Widow Machree =
| look at Lucy Stone look at Elizabeth Cady
| Stanton look at George Francis Train
GGreat laughter. And, sir, 1 say it with
| bowed head and deepest veneration, look at
the Mother of Washington she raised
boy that could not lie-c0WW not he ap>
plause. But he mevcr hal any chance
| TOh Oh 7 1t might have been different
with him if he had belonged to newspaper
correspondents club. Laughter, groans,
hisses cries of put him out" Mark looked
around placidIy upon his excited audience
and resumed.
l repeat, sir, that in whatsoever position
you place woman she is an ornament to So
ciety, and a treasure to the world. As Il
sweetheart she has few equals and no supe-
riors- [laughter,] as a cousin she is con-
venient; as wealthy grandmother, with an
incurable distemper she is precious; as wet
nurse she has no equal among men ! Laugh
ter.
What, sir, would the people of the earth
| be without woman :"
! They would be scarce, sir-amighty scarce I.
| Then let us cherish her, let us protect her,
let us give her our support, our encourage
ment, our sympathy, ourselves, if we get a
chance. Laughter.
But jesting aside, Mr.. President, woman is
loveable, gracious, kind Of heart, beautiful
worthy of all respect, of all esteem, of all
Difference. Not any here will refuse to drink
her health right cordially in this bumper Of
wine, for each and every one of us has per-
sonally known, and loved. and honorcd, the
very best one of them all-his own mother.
Applause.