The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1868-06-04

I OFdeF-take no stock IN him whose
/ bowels is unsound. Intelek is noth-
in, heart is nothin, Onless there's a
stomick under EN- on wieh to build.
Chase hez no Conscience, Trumble
and Fessenden no gastric joose. Sich
men alluz consPire and alluz fail.
Still, I'm glad the things occurred"
| EFF it amounts to nothin, why
| lglad?7
"Beeoz it lets johnson and me out.
When Arnold went back on his coun-
trymen, his countPymen forgot Judis
IskariOt; when aaron burr ariz, they
to-wonst forgot Arnold; Peerce drove.
Burr out nv the pubiiek mind; Book
Rnan made en- furget Peeree; johnson
made en- furgit BoOkanan, and now
Chase and Trumble viii make EN-
furgit Johnson and me. That's what
/ wuz driven at. Under the storm /
shef leave fur my quiet Wisconsin
home, and live in peeee, for beside
these latter cusses 1 shell loom up
into comparative responsibility. Good
mite. An is we'll" -.l--
At late hour I retired to my vir-
chus couch, and fitllin into a deep
sleep wich only visits the pillers Nv
them whose cOnshenees aint bothered
much, Nv whom I am which, as my
Conscience sheds cOnvicsben NV wrath
to come ez a duck does spring rain,
| dreemed a most curis dreem.
Methawt the PresidensheI course
wuz RELY and trooly a race. course,
and the candidates he'd to run that
course, the winner NV the race to be
glOrifed. At one end Nv the track
Wuz a weighin stand, and at the other
the winners post, which wuz the
White House. The runners WIZ to
carry the candidates for Vice Presi-
dent and sich other weights ez their
hackers shood put onto EN-.
The Republicans he'd Grant on
the ground promptly and ready for
the race. He come up splendid. He
wuzn't so mighty immence, but he
wuz clean-Iimbed, decently developt
all ali over, and showed frst-rate in
the back and loins. His trainers
pulled Offhis shoulders few little
dead weights wich some nv his iniu-
dishus hackers he'd ehuckt onto him,
lsposiI he could carry everything. Col
fax vaulted onto his shoulders and he
wuz ready.
Our people he'd some difficulty in
iseleetin a man TO run agin him. Pen
dleton wuz trotted out, but Belmont
pronounced him unfit; McClellen
next, but Voorhees, objectid Finally
Chase wuz selected to run the ap-.
pointed race, and he wuz brought to
the weighin stand. To the nakid eye
4 be wuz a splendid specimen, and he
lcome up to the stand so gallant that
notwithstanding he carried in his
hand a silver pitcher wieh the mig
gers nv Cincinnati give him fur de-
tenden a fugitive frum Kentucky, our
people cheered him vociferOusly.
Tall, strong and muskleT-loOkin, in
good flesh, deep -ehisted, broad-shoul-
dered, strong-backt, he wuz ez per-
feet a specimen ez ever beheld,
and all felt confident that he wood
hev no trouble in beatin his opponent
out NV site. He come up to the stand
gorgeous, accompanied by Trumble,
Fessenden, Grimes, johnson, and
| sieh, who he'd him in tow. .
At this pint Vallandygum, P eeree,
VOORHEES,, Morrissey and Wood, who
had charge Nv our arrangements, took
him in hand
eve must prepare our man" sed
they.
"Take OFF this Ablishen coat" sed
| VOORHEES,. =-
"And this impartial suffrage vest, "
sed Morrissey, "the niger hezn't the
moral qualifications for the ballot"
"And this free soil shirt, sed Wood.
"And that anti-fugitive slave law
wig" sed Voorhees,.
"And them ekil justice shoulder
braces" sed Peerce.
"And them humanitarian pants, T"
Ishreeked Wood.
ave can't abide none of these
things" yelled the crowd, "Peel !!
PeeIi All of these you got from the
Ablishnists, free sOilers, and republi-
kins. Wen none of 'em"
The silver pitcher ne carried in his
hand they trampled into the mud,
and one by one the obnoxious gar
ments wuz pulled off from him.
Heavens! wat change! Ez they
wuz removed he shrunk. When the
coat Wuz taken off he Wuzn't so broad
and massive and when the vest wuz
gone he Wuz positively hat-chested /;
when the shoulder-braces Wuz Temov-
ed he became hump backed; and when
| the pants wuz shaked off he stood
afore US the merest skeleton I ever be-
heId-a week, shaky, Wheezin skele-
ton. Our folks looked disappointed,
but it Wuz too late TO change. A loose
two sided wrapper wuz thrown over
him, Governor English climbed onto
his shoulders, VaIlandygum jumped
into one pocket, and Fernandy into
another. the brass bands footed, the
crowd yelled, he made one cOnvulsiVe
start but in vain. The stiffnin Wuz
] al out Nv llIUs Ills pOOI W6dth hil5Go
gave way, his back doubled up, and
| he came to the ground, every bone in
him rattIin ez be fell, while Grant
made the race serenely.
"My God" sed Morrissey, looking
| at the poor wreck, "what he got from
the Ablishnists wuz all ther wuz "
i him after all -
! At this pint I awOke and wuz sad
dgned There's where our trouble
Lies. We hev to strip these fellows
when they cum to US NV all that gives
them any strength. Chase without
his Ablishenism can't get an Ablishen
vote, and the Democracy will vote for
their own men in preference. Names
amt worth d-m any more, and men
without principles amt NV the slight
est account. And that's what's the
matter with Democracy.
/ PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. NJ.
(Which is Postmaster.
The Chillicotho Gazette says that q
/, / - =, tbaf oitvz ,rbo bad eav