The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1868-01-29
How Tom Reused Her.

The wife OF Tom G0rdOn is d VlCIlu W
imaginary ailments, and is never 30 con-
tent as when living according to the direc-
ton of her medical adviser. DR.. Valen-
tine now understands her whlms and
oddities so well that he humors her IN every
caprice if she imagines rheumatism is her
complaint, he agrees with her, and pre-
scribes some harmless potion +; if she thinks
her appetite decreasing, some bread pills
keep her in good spirits until the fancled
symptoms Of some other disease induce
her to send again for him.
During the last four years Tom has often
wished that bis wife would roll down stairs
and break her foolish head, for the reason
that the physicians n ap~othecary's Oils
make a serious inroad upon his fortune.
About three months ago she complained
of a pain in her side, and, IS usual, the
doctor was summoned. After prescribing
two or three bottles of different COM
pounds--all harmless, but rather expen-
sive-he said:
GAIL you want to assist medicine in eff
fecting a cure is a little rousing. Although
your ailment is serious, it is not dangerous.
Assume q little energy, and you will re-
cover. Remember, rouse yourself"
After the doctor had retired the patient
fancied that at last some serious disease
was beginning to manifest itself, and, like
a fool, she went to bed in despair.
Tom understood the case thoroughly,
from long experience, and said mentally :
she wants a rousing, does she? Well,
I'll give her a surprise that will startle
her"
Mrs. Hake, an attractive widow, was en-
1900. ka~aak - %ha oononiku of nrrsa tn
Mrs. G. The widow is young, buxom, ami
able, and Tom thought her attractive
qualities might be made available in giving
the patient the necessary rousing.
A short consultation with Mrs. Hake
resulted in the arrangement of q plan, the
X ecution of which was to induce Mrs. q.
to forever afterwards throw physic to the
dogs.
Late the next evening, while the patient
was fretting and grooming, and announcing
her intention of giving up the ghost, Tom
called Mrs. Hake aside and said to her in
a pretended whisper, but loud enough to
be heard by the invalid:
"Poor Fanny she is about to die at
last, and so you and I may as we'll arrange
for our marriage"
Tom threw o glance over his shoulder as
he spoke, and observed the dying patient
ceased her groaning and began to rouse
herself. Arising quickly to a sitting pos
ture in the bed to note every word of the
conversation, she stared at them with
eyes as big as small onions boiled.
"'Twill be o relief to her." continued
Tom, "for she has always been an invalid.
I, too, have suffered as we'll as she but
with you, the picture of health, as my
wife, happiness will be complete"
The widow threw herself upon Toms
shoulder, her arms about his neck, and be-
gan to chew his vest in mouthfuls to
smother her laughter.
Chow soon shall we get married after
she is dead % asked Tom, passing his arm
around the widows substantial waist.
81 suppose you will be willing to wait a
week or two ?" simpered Mrs. Hake, as
she leaned her head on his shoulder and
took another mouthful Of vest.
The invalid uttered on exclamation, and
landed On the floor.
"You think I am going to die, doyouf"
she exclaimed. "I'll live to spite you
bothl And for you"-she turned and
grasped Mrs. Hake by the bair-"out of
my house, you designing vixen Ilact as
my own nurse hereafter"
From that day to this Mrs. G. has en-
joyed good health, and Tom has enjoyed
good spirits, because he has not had o
DOCTORS bill to pay. He knew how to
cure her; for she only needed rousing,
aud Tom reused her.