Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-10-06
ADo0gers.

cCS
A sailor defines. a comet as a star sprung a
leak.
Query for the Lyceum-Does miller ever
grind his teeth.
Motto for a cathartic pill propose to-
move Immediately on your works.
Very good but rather pointed, as the Goldfish
said when it swallowed the bait
Why is a postage stamp like bad scholar?
Because he gets licked and put in a corner.
Raid upon profanity-During the late freshet
in Maryland, dam after dam was swept away.
Jenkins thinks that he will be married soon
since he has got the refusal of a lady's hand.
A child wanting to describe snake to his
aunt, said it was "a thing all tail-cear up to
its head. ,sSoo3 br. -+f- ~ --i--i@
A recent obseryant traveller says that Mon
terey is exactly twenty four brandy smashes and
six ''straights' from Stanton.
A Jacobn paper says Blair ought to be heel
ed. No one can say that about any member of
the niger party. They are all heels.
A negro, after gazing at the Chinese exclaim-
ed (: eff dewhite folks is dark as dat out dar,
wonder what's de color OBJ de niggers.
A western editor, when in durance for libel
ing Justice Of the Peace was requested by the
jailor to give the prison favorable notice.
A person named Porter, being very drunk, a
friend asked him what he had been about =
"Only turning little gin into Porter" replied
he.
''Uncle, are cannibals those that live on 9th
er folks?' Yes Then, uncle, you must
be one, for ma says you are always living on
somebody it.lft
A correspondent asked if the brow of hill
ever becomes wrinkled? The editor replies -
''The only information we can give on that
point is that We have often seen it furrowed. y
An atheistical fellow, during storm at sea,
concluded prayer with the following words :
30, Lord, beseech thee to hear my prayer at
this time, for Thou hnowest I trouble Thee but
seldom. 3.s-.t. -lo-at II
Some enthusiastic Radical having declared
that he wanted for q library only the Bible and
the New York Tribune, the Georgia Index re-
marks that the fellow evidently wants to read
both sides $50
At a Methodist meeting the singer who led
the psalm tune, finding that his concluding
word, whichwas Jacob, had not sylables enough
to fill up the music adequately, ended thus =
''Ja-a a-Ja-aa-fol de riddle-cob!" ,3LisG
A clergyman says It is curious to note how
many people attend circus only because they
want to please their children but still more
curious to observe that in many instances it
takes two or three able bodied men, with as
many women to look after one little boy or
girl" -'-ia ii
A captious ab0ring man. ungrateful for Jay
Cookies national blessing" complains that be
has to get up at five twenty in the morning and
work till seven thirty at night, in order that the
bondholder may breakfast at ten forty, dine at
seven thirty, and enjoy himself generally till
ten-forty at night. -sa
An old woman, partially deaf observed sal
lor going by her door, and supposing it to be
her son Billy, cried out to him, ''Where is my
COW gone?' The sailor replied in contempt
uous manner, ''Gone to the old Boy for what |
know. >. s'Wel, as you are going that way"
said the old woman, Il wish you would let
down the bars. - NJ .t.... 5...r2 h.
An old weatherworn trapper was recently
seen sauntering along the main street of one of
our w Western villages Pausing in front Of
little meeting house for moment he went In
and took a seat among the congregation. The
preacher was discoursing on the text of "the
sheep and the wolves and, having evidently
been drawing contrast between the two sub
jects, says he, 'We who assemble here from
week to week aud do our duty and perform our
part are the sheep; now, who are the Wolyes?"
A pause, and our friend, the trapper. rose to
his feet: "Wa'al, stranger, rather than see the
play stopped, L will be the wolves !" The
preacher was Vanquished. ~
A heavy fog visited Highland county. which
beats the London fogs all hollow: A young
man was sent out to nail few courses of shin
giles On barn, the roof of which was nearly
finished At dinner continues the farmer who
told us, the fellow comes up and says:
That's a mighty long barn of yours
Not very long, said [.
well, said he, Il have been at work all
this forenoon and have not got one course laid
yet. s.. .-'.
well, you're a lazy fellow, that's all I've
got to say.
So after dinner went down to see what he
had been about, and I'll be Numbered if he
hadn't shingled out more than a hundred feet
on the fog.
4 good story is told of doctor in Beverly.
who was somewhat OF wag. He met one day
In the street the sextonswith whom he was ac.
qualnted; As the usual salutations were pass
cd, the doctor happened to cough. ~'~'
Why, doctor, said the sexton, you have
got cold; how long have you had that?'' :
Look here Mr.. Sexton, said the doctor.
with show OF INDIGNATION, what is your
charge for interments?' -
M &c ss.hlllings, was the reply. .%
Wei" continued he, Just come into nv
office, and ! will pay it. | don't want to have
you round, and so anxious about my health
The sexton was soon even with him. hoyey.
er. Turning around to the doctor. he replied
All, doctor, | cannot afford to bury YOU vet
Business has never been 50 good as it has since
you began to practice -
Since the above conversation, neither Marty
has ventured to joke al the. expense Of the
other. .f1: a...5.r.-.- 4
One of the jealous chaplains of the army Of
the Potomac called on a Colonel noted for his
profanity. in order to talk about the religious
interests of his men. He was politely received
and motioned to a seat on chest, when the fol
lowing dialogue ensned -- q
Chaplain" Colonel, you have one Of the
finest regiments in the army
Colonel--ssI believe SO. -
Chaplain-''Do you think you pay sufficient
attention to the religious Instruction Of your
menu ,...if IT,. esa.ss
Colonel, (doubtingly eli, I don't know
Chaplain lively interest has been ava,
tened in the 4th Massachusetts, "a rival reoi
,nent.) The lord has blessed the labors Of
his servants, and ten have already been hap
tiled. r. ,,.I,g .ssrs +bo.a mn
attendant 3I J. Sergeant Major, have fifteen men