The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1868-10-27
/ + u VI $.

The man who wakes strong every day
The shoemaker.
According to the latest definition, bachelor
is a man who has lost the opportunity Of max
ing woman miserable.
What bus has found room for the most peo-
pie ? Columbus.
What a name for one of the latest engines Of
war THE Parsons Converted Gum
Reynolds the dramatist, observing the thin
ness OF tie house at one of his pieces, said 81
suppose it is owing to the war; "No,' was
the reply IT'S owing to the peace
Dean Swift, hearing of carpenter falling
through the scafolding Of house which he
was engaged in repairing, remarked that he
liked to see mechanic go through his work
promptly.
Churning in Chilli The ordinary mode of
churning butter in Chill is to put the milk in
skin usually dog skin tie it on a donkey,
mount a boy on him, with rowels to his spurs
about the length of the animals ears, and
then run him four-milc heats.
dandy, wishing to be witty, accosted an
old rag-man as follows:
'1ou take all sorts of rubbish in your cart,
don't you?'
"les-jump in, jump in -
'''N l'NoNhN p''SlNlNH VI tHc ucIlOCTullC party
is very much akin to that of the two ship
wrecked sailors, who, finding that their frail
ran was rapidly going to pieces said one to the
other:
lloratio-' Frank, can you pray?'
Frank-"No can you p
Horatio- No but something must be done
ID quick
Mr.. Brown, you said the defendant was
honest and intelligent what makes you thinl-
so are you acquainted with him." "No Sir,
| never seel him "Why, then, do you come
to such coniusion?' cause he takes ten
newspapers, and pays for them in advance "
Verdict for deten liant.
Law Report-lhe next morning the Judge of
the police court sent for me. went down and
he received me cordially; said he had heard Of
the wonderful things had accomplished by
knocking down five persons and assaulting six
others, and was proud of NE. was a prom
ising young man, aud all that. Then he offer
ell toast: Guilty or not guilty.? | respon-
dcd IN brct hut eloquent speech, setting
forth the Importance Of the occasion that had
brought rs together. After the usual ceren,o-
nies was requested to lend the city ten dol
lars.
PEW VII sPERINGs.
Mary Ellen (nnxiously). Betsy Jane,
isn't my chignon coming OFF,"
Betsy Jane (pettishly). "No. Cant you
move little further, you are creasng my lace
aouuces -
Mary Ellen (moying little). Don't you
think Susan Brown looks dreadful homely?"
Betsy Jane. WAS there ey-. Oh there's
Charlie Isn't he a perfect Adonis How do
wish he would look our way -
Nary Ellen (smiling sweetly) "Ahl l see
him He's locking toward US"
betsy Jane Dangrily). "He isn't looking at
you, 50 you needn't act like a fool The min
ister's going to pray"
Mary Ellen Those long prayers of his are
positively awful and shan't try to keep
awake.
Betsy Jane tpeepng through her fingers Mt
tharlie). $50 to sleep dear. shant dis
turb you
New Idea for Family Portraits.--A gentle
man from Paris pad visit to a country dame,
IN whose piror he saw the portrait of a lovely
woman Of, say iye-anl-twenty. Upon the en-
trance Of the lady her visitor naturally asked
her if the picture was a family portrait,
and was told that 1t represented her deceased
daughter Has it been long since you lost
herr ASKED the gentleman "Alas, Sir,' re-
piled the lady ''she died just after her birth.
and have had the portrait painted to repre-
sent her as she would appear if she had lived
until now"