Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-06-05
9}llalot0n5.

THE slower the acquaintance, the faster the
friendship.
INK has been called the black slave that
waits upon thought.
WHAT is the highest pitch of the voice?
The place where it sticks.
Social ANoMALIEs-The more a woman
undresses herself, the more she is supposed
to be dressed.
WIEN you hear man say, ''Life Is but
dream, tread on his corns and wake him
up. Life is real.
TIE first evidence Of womau's interest
in a mau is her mending his gloves, and the
last working HIM pair of slippers
WELL, my boy, do you know what 'syntax'
means 2 said a sehoolmaster to pupil. Yes,
sir, was the reply; the duty on spirits.
''YoU want nothing, do you? said Pat.
"Bedad, an if its nothing you want, you'll
find tin the jug where the wbiskey was"
"GRASDMA, said a sharp child, ''do you
want some candy?' ''Yes dear, l should
ike some, "Tben if you buy me some viii
give you part
PUEcn advises farmers to SOW up their P's,
keep their US warm, hive their BIS, shoot
their Us, feed their Ms, look after their 20
tato Is, and take their Els.
A WRITER dwelling upon the importance OF
small things, says that che always takes note
of straw, especially if their happens to be
a sherry cobber at the one end oft"
Az exchange says: There is something
sweet about little girls The Louisville joun-
al adds; 'And it grows on them as they
grow bigger
Aunt BErsY has said many good things.
Among the rest, that newspaper is like a
wife-because every one should have one of
his own
The young lady who burst into tears has
been put together again, and is now wearing
hoops to prevent recurrence of the acci-
dent.
A SMPLEToN wishing to cross river went
aboard ferry boat on horseback Why do
you do so I? some one asked. To 60 quick
er, said be.
RIcIINoxD negro, who draws his soup ra-
tons at the Bureau, was asked if he got
good article "Donno, sar; we feeds it to our
pig, was the response.
A WESTERN merchant lately cbalked on a
big hogshead in front of his store, for sail.
A pass ing wag added, For freight or passage
apply at the bunghole.
MY DEAR said gentleman to young
lady whom he hoped to marry, do you intend
to make a fool Of me? No. replied the
lady, mature has saved me the trouble
A HEAnu.Ess old bachelor says that if the
first month after wedlock is the honeymoon
of married life, the second month is pretty
sure to be the llnar eaustjc Of it.
A TEACHER who, in ft of yexation, call
ed her pupils set of young adders, on being
reproved for her language apoligized by say
ing that she was speaking to those just com
mencing arithmetic.
ARE you near-sighted, Missr said an i'm
pudent fellow to young lady who did not
once choose to notice him. Yes; at this
distance can hardly tell whether you are a
pig or puppy
''How much can you pay us =? what can you
offer in the pound?' demanded the creditors
of bankrupt farmer "Alas gentleman,
all I really have is donkey in the pound, "
replied the ruin agricultarst
A FOOLISH scholar, suffering from hunger,
sold his books and bought himself dinner.
Writing to his father soon afterwards, he
said, Congratulate me, father, for have
begun to get my living by my books
''THE man who raised cabbage head has
done more good than all the metaphysics in
the world, :" said stump orator at a meeting.
''Then, replied wag, your mother ought
to have the premium"
OYE cold day last week belle stopped and
bought paper from a ragged little newsboy
Poor fellow said she, 'ain't you very
ooldg 4 was ma'ara before you smiled
was the reply That was the perfection of
fattery.
LECTURE on THE ARCTic REGIoNs.-Hear-
ing of lecture that was to be delivered on
Alaska and the Northern regions, we des-
patched our reporter in order to give the
public the benefit of the lecturers wisdom.
We regret that we have only room for brief
report.
The north pole bas never been seen; it is
not certain whether the bears climb it.
Those who go there are protected from the
cold, although they 60 in bear skins.
No negroes tbere-al white bear skins.
DR.. Hayes, Yankee, went there in search
Of notion.
You can see haze when the northern
lights are visible.
There is no corn raised in the northern re-
gions--yet when the Esquimaux have break
fast it is an Indian meal.
The principal amusement is old sledge-
tho sometimes they have new one.
The annexation of Alaska to the United
States viii not probably increase the polltax.
When the prodigal son went into far
country, he probably stopped in ALASKA.
The people there don't care for the turn
of spring. When the rivers begin to run
they say its snow matter.
The territory is well defended against cav.
airy. There is a shiyer de freeze all around
it.
1t is good place for orators. Even the
whales spout.
Horses are not very numerous, though
there are some fne bays on the coast.
Education is very general The whales 60
in schools.
The hunters do not always stop to read
their letters when they open the seals.
AT this point-(the point referred to is tie
punctuation point at the ending of the pre-,
eedlng paragraph.l nnr renorter took his