Des Arc weekly citizen., 1868-03-14
sALM

pg~A bad husband beats his wife and a bad wife beats the devil.
 p~"Sunny, dear, you have dirty face" "Can't help it marm-dad's Black Republican,
 pS~ What you leave after your death. let it be without controversy, else the lawyers will be your heirs.
 EE~One reason why the world is not reformed, is because every man is bent on reforming others, while but few think of reforming themselves.
 ~An unwashed newsboy being asked what made him so dirty, replied ; 1T was made of the ground and l reck- on it's just working out.' | BsyThe man who has risen from honest poverty to influence deserves high praisc--providcd he is not asham- ed of his origin.
 Ryr He that openly tells his friends all that he thinks of them, must expect that they will secretly tell his enc mics much that they do not think of him.
 pa-One of the saddest things about hu- man nature is, that man may guide oth- CTS in the path of life without walking in it himself. that he may be a pilot, and yet a castaway. N
 r@What is more natural than that sen timental young ladies, when they change their condition ofsinsle, blessedness, ceas- ing to be pensive should be expensive?
 ny-A secret is like silence--you can not talk about it, and keep it, It is like money--when once you know there is any concealed it is half discovered. 1 HpLife may change, but it will not fly till the appointed hour; hope may vanish for time, but it is deathless; truth may be yelled, but it endures; and love may be repulsed, but it returns.
 s9-A An old lady, reading an account of distinguished old lawyer, who was said to be the father of the New York bar, exclaimed, "Poor man. he had dreadful set of children"
 gsg-Pedant-W What does c-h-a-ir spell? Green girl--Doat know. What do you sometimes sit on! Don't want l to tell. But you must, l sot on bills knee once, but I'll never do it again.
 RUNNING ToNGUE.-'Ma, has your tongue got legsp
 Got what, child"
 i Got legs, ma.'
 Certainly not but why do you ask that silly question:
 'Oh, nothing, only heard pa say your tongue was running from morning till night, and was wondering how it could run without legs; that's all, ma.
 peE"A couple of children were boast ing of their respective relatives, when one of them, little girl of five years, being hard pressed, reflected moment, and then triumphantly exclaimed, "Well, anyhow, my Aunt Susan can take all her teeth out and put 'em back ag'n and that's morcn any of your re- lations can doW
 BD~A stranger in printing office asked the youngest apprentice what was his rule of punctuation. "I set up as long as can hold my breath, then put a comma; when gape, insert a semi-colon; and when want chew of tobacco, make q paragraph.
 pN~An apprentice sailor boy fell from the ''round top" to the deck, stunned, but little hurt. The captain exclaimed, in surprise, ,"Why, where did you come from?' "From the north of Ireland, yer honorw was the prompt reply, as the poor fellow gathered himself up.
 p@~A gentleman who wanted to make a speech to Sunday school, thoughthe would adopt the colloquial style :and this is what happened; Now, boys, what does a man want when he goes fishing?" A shrill voice in the crowd went direct to the point with, s.Wants bite" The gentleman sat down without further remarks. 1@-A distinguished Southern lady who is the wife ofa prominent aud extreme Radical residing in one of the Northern States, while engaged in pluoking the gray hairs from her husbands moustache, was asked by him. "What are you doing, my Fdear?"Only carrying out your own policy sir; exterminating the whites for the ben eft of the blacks" was the witty reply. A Word For Boys.