The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-06-04
Short Paragraphs.

"MOtner II man Is mister, amt q
woman misteryl"
"Charlie, l was very much shocked to
hear you singing, Pop goes the weasel
in church." swell mamma, | heard ev-
crybody else singing, ana it was the only
tune l knew"
A stump speaker at late meeting de-
clared that he knew no east, no west, no
north, no south. "Theu," said bystand-
er, "you ought to go to school and learn
your geography"
1t is reported of pompous person who
announced himself to hotel clerk as '.the
Lieutenant-Governor Of" that he re-
ceived the reply: "That doesn't make
any difference you'll be treated just as
well as the Others"
A wag says that once, on Journey, he
was put into a sleigh with dozen or more
passengers, not one of whom he knew, but
on turning a short corner the sleigh upset,
and then, said he, 81 found them all out"
A dry goods clerk relates that stylish
looking young lady requested to see some
lavender kid gloves, and was shown several
different shades of that color. Being a
little puzzled by the variety, she ingenu-
ously asked, "Which of these pairs is the
layendcrest 2"
A man in North Oxford, Mass, killed
four hundred and twenty-five feet of black
snakes in cellar not long since.
An old lady who drives her own wag-
ON from the country into Fulton Market,
New York, and drives hard bargain
when she gets there, has bank account
of $50,00O
A California editor says he lately met
a grammarian who had just made tour
through the mines cogitating thus: "Posi-
tive, mine comparative, miner; super
lative, minus P'
A youth of fourteen and "a maiden of
twelve, residing with their parents in
Minneapolis, became so enamored of each
other over dime novels, that they cOnclud-
cd to set up Housekeeping on their own ac-
count in deserted shanty, where they
were discovered by the police, and restor-
ed to their anxious friends.
A miner living in Illinois dreamed that
on certain day he would be crushed to
death by rock falling on him. He told
his wife of his dream. She tried to per-
suade him not to go to the mines on the
day specified in the dream. But be would
not take the advice of his wife. He went
to the mines, and sure enough was killed.
Our friend of the Staunton Spectator is
very much bewildered with our request
to "parties marrying or dying in this COM
munity to send notice of the same to
this Office" The Spectator can't see how
a dead person can attend to such matters.
Of course we expected the party to send
the notice before dying-say ten Or fifteen
minutes before.
Charlottesville Chronicle.
"Will you have Daily Sun Z" said
news boy to Mrs. Partington.
"Will | have daily son Why, you
little scapegracc! How dare you insin-
uate against poor lone woman? No in
deed, l guess | won't have daily son.
Ny dear departed husband used to COM
plain awfully when / presented him with
a yearly son. A daily son indeed !! Be-
gone, you little upstart !"
The following is copy of notice on
fence on the road between Grandview and
Rockport, Ind. We give it verbatim ct
literatim ct spellatim
cUNsTABLER's SALE.
One musical insticle, one faterbed nit
bedstick, and one sow NIT six pigs, by me.
JOHN KuNs,
der Kunstable for Sale.
A distinguished ex-governor of Ohio,
famous for storytelling, relates that on
one occasion, while he was addressing
temperance meeting. at Georgetown, Dis
trict of Columbia, and depicting the mis-
cries caused by too freely indulging in
The flowing bowl, his attention was attract
ID by the sobs of disconsolatc and seedy-
looking individual seated in the rear part
If the room. On going to the person and
nterrogating him, the Governor was told
The usual tale of woe; among other sad
Incidents, that during his career of vice
lie had buried three wives. The Cover
Tor having buried few wives of his own,
deeply with the inebriate,
md consoled him as much as it was in
lis power Said he: s'The Lord bas in
Iced deeply afflicted yod." The mourncr
obbing replied: "Y-yes, He has," and
'ausing a moment and wiping his nose,
ontinued, "but | don't think the Lord
,ot much ahead Of me, for as he took one,
took another" y;