The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1868-04-08

course shall throw all the weight Of my
influence on that side The South has no
cause to love me, for have been indi-
rectly the cause of all their woes it-was
to my interest that the late war should be
prolonged, so frequently interfered in
your BATTLES and prevented the Conteder
ate victories from achieving peace
which they would otherwise have conc,"
(thinks l to myself, ''you be-" but
before could finish the altogether super.
fuous wish in my own mind he locked at
me sharply, and said IL know You are
cursing me now, but you must remember
that all governments are founded and
conducted upon the principle Of selfinter
est. For that reason England would not
felp you, and for that reason ] was against
you. So much for the past-now as to
the future: General Grant will be your
next President; my influence will effect
that, and then, as Aaron Burr said to-
night, you may look out for monarchy,
which is the only true, substantial form
of government" I suggested that Grant
did notshave head cnongh to effect suche
revolution. He replied, ''True. GRANTS
muddle headed, but he will have good ad
visers, and he has the nerve and don't
mind shedding blood" Hero he mused,
raped with his fingers on The crystal SER
pcnt, and said, as if 20 himself, Il think
we can manage it."
At this juncturc a little black imp APP
preached with silver waiter, on which
was q golden tanllard; he took tho tank
ard, saying, Il always take q night cap
before retiring-this is some Of Stearns
Il Brummes best, sent down to me as
present by John Minor Bolts; it is dashed
with little boiling sulphur, and aquafor-
tbs, to give it a better flavor. Will You
join me ?'' offering Inc the cup smiingly.
beg to be excused, on the plea of being
tcetotalcr ''And pray" said he:r"what
is that?' / explained that teetotalers
were society who were pledged MOTTO
drink any ardent spirits. is it possible, =,
said he, shat there can be such people? |?
must see to them. if they. are allowed TO
flourish they will deprive me of hat.my
CUSTOM Hc then cmptied the tankard
at dranght, wiped his lips with Il white
cambric handkerchief, and appeared 10 be
refreshed and cxhilarated. He invited
me cordially to spend few days in bis
kingdom; said he would like to take ne
around and show me the sights which
would furnish me some good STEMS - cs-
pecially the new reservoirs, (which, by
the BY" he said, "were designed by a
countryman Of yours-Coloncl Ellct-a
man of genius; what do you think he
proposed to me lately2 nothing less than
to bore tunnel through the earth 10 the
Atlantic Ocean. and let in the waters of
the ocean, to extinguish the fires of-hell
"A magnificent scheme truly. but ltold
him that thought that the meeting OF
the two elements in such large quantities
would generate sufficient gas To blow up
the whole world. Hc said he could rcgu-
late the water and by means Of another
tunnel to terra ffma, let off the gas us last
as it was generated. But [ told him |
did not like that summary way OF dis
pensing with hell, and so dismissed the
subject. The fact is. Mr.. Spike, hell IS q
necessity what would become Of such peo-
pie as Brownlow, Stevens, Wade, butler,
Stanton, Sumner Il Co., if there was no
hell~ lie then made me a polite how OF
dismissal, and offered me his hand which
courtesy compelled mo TO take. lie gaze
me hearty shake, which caused a ting
ling sensation as if thousand ants We're
running up my arm. Tom also made bis
congo, and We departed Tom accom-
{. panied me part OF the way to the river,
then stopped, and said he mnst tell me
goodbye, as he had TO attend baila the
! Duchess de Pompadour's. l attempted
to shake hands with him. but found
that my arm was paralyzed. Tom broke
out in a great laugh $50 much: said he,
s:for shaking hands with the Devil. lie
did that because you said that yea wer>
Il tcctotaler"
'Dut am not teetotaler, and only
said so to get rid of drinking his Internal
compound of whisky and sulpher.D ''Oh,' -
said Tom, ''he knows that as well as You.
and he was ''yrecaing' you when he mace
out that he didn't know what :: teetuta-
ler was. tell you, there's nothing going
on in the world that he doesn't know all
about, and have finger in it, too. Good
bye"
badc him good bye with my elthand,
and, hurrving down to the river. tool! the
next train for home, where arrived
about day.brcaIS. glad enough to set my
foot upon this upper crust once more. and
vowng never to go to hell again, if can
help it.
forgot to state that there were three
mysterious looking passengers on'.the
train, and one of them had OH 4 long
cloak and Scotch cap, | know by that.
that they ere the Internal Commissioners
Your faithful Reporter.
SPIKE.
The Revolution and it's Teachers.
That we are passing through mighty
Il. IL L.. .nn will harllv be lcned.