The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1868-05-20
Things Wise and Otherwise.

When did the ocean first bear
grain ? In the time of Cc-crops.
Why is tho Maid of the Mist like
pride Because it gocth before Il
fall.
Why should the male sex avoid the
letter \ ? because it makes men
mean.
What can a man have in his pock-
cts when it is empty! n big hole.
How many hens has your mother
when it comes night None. They
are al roostcrS.
Why is ii hungry boy looking at
pudding like wild horse ! Because
he would be all the better if he had
Il bit in his mouth.
What proof have We that there was
sewing in the time of David We
read that he was hcmmcA in on every
side.
"l have worry little respect for the
ties of this worll,' as the chap said
when the rope was put round his
mock.
Why arc young ladies at the break
lnS up Of party like arrows Be-
cause they can't 20 off without beau,
and are in 1uivcr till they get one.
AnatomiSts say that man changes
every seven years. ''rhcrctorc,"
says the iuinitahlc Jones, ''my tailor
should not remind me Of the bill con-
tractcd in lSII--l amt the mani"
a man was suspected of stealing
horse, and was arrested. ''What am
taken for % he inquired of the shcr-
ILL., 81 take you for Il horse" was the
reply ; whcrcupon he kicked the
sheriff over, and ram OF.
\ lady boasts of the possession of
pair Of cardrors made 'livcr,' brought
from Mount 'Vocilcrous' during the
late 'diaruption.'
NLcary, gazing iii astouishmcnt
upon an elephant in mcnageric, ask
cd the keeper, "What kind of bastc
is that aitim' hay wild his tail 2"
y cautious old bachelor, who knows
that the present is leap year, says
"If you ncota young lady who is not
very Shy. YOU had bcttoi be little
shy yourself" "
y grccnhorn sat long time very
attentive, musimg, upon Il cane bottom
chair. At length he said 81 Won
der what fellow took the trouble to
find all them ar holes, and put them
Straws around 'cm.
\ young couple went to clergy
man to get married. BY an innocent
mistake he began to read from his
prayer-booll as follows: MAN that
is born of woman is full of trouble,
and hath but short time to live
The aStonished bridgc-g groom cxclaim-
ed, Sir, you mistake We came to be.
married. "Well, replied the clergy
man, 'if you will insist, | will marry
you but believe me, my friends, you
had better be buried"
Douglass Jcrroll fclicitously said
that the earth laughs with harvest
when it is ticklcd with the hoe. The
following is the most practical and
Sam6onian method of illustrating the
same method
81 say does You know what makes
the corn grow 50 fast when you put
manure on it
NO, don't hardly"
'Now, I'll Just tell yc. v ben dc
corn begins to smell the manure, it
don't like dc 'fumcry, so it hurrics
out of dc ground and sets up as high
as possible, so rs not to breathe the
! bad air.
Two gentlemen were recently
standing on The deck of IL steamer, en-
gagged in earnest conversation, when
the wind suddenly lifted the cap from
the head Of orc Of them and sent it
riding on the crest of wild wave.
| 'Thorc = exclaimed the other, as the
owner make futile grab at his proper
ty : 'Jou can't 90 into business now.'
why 50 ? inquired tho gentleman.
'Bccausc you have no cap at ALL" re-
piled the othcr.
THE FlGnr BETWEEN GENERAL
PIEEcE AND MAJOR PUrNAM.-Thc
Norfolk Jownal publishes evidence to
provo
lst. That Major Putnam did ac-
cording to affidavit, beat Pierce, and
that the General had him arrested
therefor.
I'd. That Pierce stated to tho ius-
ticc of the peace bcforo whom tho
trial was heard that General Pierce
complained that Major Putnam had
struck him and h;ichcd him.
3D.. That Major Putnam did both
pull the nose and hicA; Tie person of the
rcdcu table General Pierce.
The truth OF the Jomnafs statement
has thus been completely established.
In tho controversy about setting ND
n Orint ipn ~; % ~ S;,>,. o.. A.