The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1868-10-03
VARIOUS ITEMS.
A man may grow to weigh ton
WHO feasts his mind with pungcpt fun;
But he who seorns its simple sway
Oft yields TO crime an easy prey.

OIt ylelds to-crlIne an easy prey
Better witty fool than foolish wit
Generally Observed -Tilting- skirts,
waterfalls, and other peoples business
Cheap-Good advice, lip salve and
promise.
Dear-A pretty wife. her love of a
bonnet" good whisky and piety.
The farmer is a conqueror who wins
victories upon important fields.
Men refine liquor, but liquor never re-
turns the compliment.
Why is sstilting skirt" like slaugh-
ter pen? Because lean and fat calves
are contained in it.
Ioliteness is not always a sign of wis
dom, but the want of it is always a strong
symptom of folly.
| while we live, grows suddenly to SER
pent on the death bed.
Satan can never undo man without
his aid but man may easily undo him
selfwithout Satan's.
We do not easily discover our faults,
below, nor the brow above.
In Demand-Long credit, exemptions
from taxation, false calves and gin cock
tails
Not that which men do worthily, but
that which they do successfully, is what
history makes haste to record.
It is not work that kills men, it is
worry 1t is not the revolution that de-
stroys the machinery, but the friction.
A man of the world may have enough
of the world to sink him, but he can never
have enough to satisfy him.
Why is wet weather more pleasant
than dry? Because it is more indoor
able.
"May your whole family be jammed
into one coffin" is an expressive Chinese
oath.
Hanging a mackercl to your coat tail
aud imagining yourself whale, consti-
tutes goldfish aristocracy
The ship upon which lady likes best
to embark on the sea Of enjoyment Is
courtship.
Many philosopher, who thought he
had exact knowledge of the whole human
race, has been miserably cheated in the
choice of wife.
In hot summer when there is most
need there are fewest brooks. So of many
peoples charities-they are rarest when
most needed.
A Democratic paper having asserted
II. l. Il,
the La Grange (Ga.) Reporter replies
1--WE Shall be sorry ifhe comes this way
agains we don't want to see himS
sIf it wasn't for hope the heart would
i break" as the old woman said when she
buried her seventh husband, and looked
anxiously among the funeral crowd for
! another.
A "perfcct savage suggested the other
day, that physicia rs should adopt motto
tireiy appropriate: "PdttcHts Wtder a
naonun,ent!'
A witty and popular clergyman, being
one day asked by u lady parishioner what
difference there was between clock aud
woman, instantly replied: g A clock
serves to point hours and woman makes
us forget them
Nuisances-Crossed-ey eyed spinster, mis-
chief making women ,grumbling old bach
elors, dilapidated sidewalks, squalline
children. frowzy wives, dirty postal cur
rency and subscriber who does Pay for
his paper.
A friend of ours visiting neighbol
found him disabled from having horse
Il H.
stable, the sufferer explained how it hap
pened.
sI was standing here" said he, and
the horse brought his foot right down on
mine"
| Our friend looked at the injured mem
Der, which was of the No. IA pattern
and said, very quietly:
/ Well, the horse must step some
wharan -