The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1868-07-28
The Josh Bili,ngs Papers.


boss aiwus @ leetle ahed. =.
!" Boat never knu but one man to die
oy broken heart, and KUN 70 dissek. MN,
hiz heart want broken bit, but his gizzard
had ell drizzled away.
Sc RnrnGcle. n--I kant tell we exactly wen
the gettysburg Asylum Cir Lottery
viii drasc. but, probably, like other pick
rockets. The next good chance they get.
q Hummer when j hear man brag-
ring about biz ancestors it alwus makes me
feel bad-for the ancestors.
% Biuv.''-Buty IL like molassiz, very
/. GOOD ointment, but sickish for Study dies:
J" Beas;ne. Men who have great deal
n do with HOSES seem tew demosailze faster
than the HOSES do. t
Tosses are like dice and kardss altho
.bcv are yirtuous enuff themselves, how
natral it il tew gambol with them.
/ Hoses Inv the society OF man, and being
susceptible oy CRATE deceit, they will learn
a man how tew cheat and lie before he
knows it. -ffI 3f9
know lots ov folks who are real Plus,
and who are honest enutf tew work up into
united estate assessors, and have some
good-sized moral chunks left over, but
when they cum tew tork boss, they want
az mulch looken after az a case OF diptheFy.
" Bronx Club houses are usually asy-
lums for henpecked husbands and vagrant
bachelors.
] hay been told that certain muskular
females have gone into the club house blzzl-
ness lately in Moo York City, and that they
hav he'd one sitting at MIR. Delmonikose
a,lreddy, which ended amikably. THIS
speaks volumes for the future growth and
usefulness ov the order, but the great joke
ov the thing IL, that awl ov their proceed
ing il to be kept dark.
| hay alwus bin friend to down-trodoen
woman, and hav bin in favur of their voting
from mi infancy but if they can't vote, |
say let 'em club.
One rule Of this club il golden one
"No man shall be present on pain of deth."
If they stick tew this rule, they are sounder
ON the gander than suppozed they waz.
g Brickdslst.'-I never hay used emmy
ov "Doctor Emanuel's iver-consoling and
kidney -encouraging pills." and therefore
kant tell yu how infuenshal they am, but eff
WI are looking after pill as mild az pet
lamb. and az serching az fne-tooth comb,
buyt Doctor Ringbone's silent perambula-
tors, q in box, sold by all respectful
druggers."
Theze pills don't phool round, but attend
striktly tew business, and are az good In
the dead Of night az an alarm clock.
BiscuH"-In reply to yure questions,
would hurredly state that the toad IL do.
mestik animal, or can be, made SO by coax
ing him into BARREL and then shutting up
the bung-hele.
They stand in the same relashun tew
frog that dutchman does to a lively yam
kee; they amt SO sudden gated az the
frog. They lead n very retired and pensive
life during the day, behind stun walls, but
when twilight begins tew dress for the night
then the toad and toadesses begin to recon
hotter round.
They are sed tew be striktly virtuous, but
this incessant cumming round nights, and
keepin' hid all day, haz cauzed me to sus-
picion the toad.
If toads kan liv upon what they eat, they
would be just the things to stock board
ing-school with, for one fly and o couple ov
bugs IL all the meat they want for fort
mite.
Toads are very lengthy tew live-I should
think about 400 years. | have often thought
would buy one, and keep him till he died,
Just tew git at their age.
"Becspar." -Speaking ov kats, mi opin-
yum il, and will continue to be, that the
old fashioned kaliko-coulered kats is the
best breed for man ov moderate means,
who hain't got but little mummy to put into
kats.
They propagate the most intensely, and
lay around the stove more regularly than
the Maltese CT the brindle kind. : n
The yellow kat IL q fair kat, but they
amt reliable; they are apt to stay out late
O. nights, and once in while git on o bad
bust. 3, -. =
Blak kats hav way of Citing on the top
oy the Wood-house when other folks have
gone tn bed, and singing dewets till their
voices Spite, and their tails swell till it
seems or tho they must split. !. 1E.. ..,sa5
If I waz syu, Beeswax, | wouldn't 60
into the kat Dizziness until the phinances
oy the country gifts more calm, for If there
comes a big smash-up, kats will be the first
things7to dip. 1901 80 go S.ls'.N5 i
"Belinda. "lI hav alwas seed, give o
woman the choice oythree men for o hus-
band, and the chances IL she will manage
ito lose oil three oyi'em. a4s1 -tt /
Everybody luys tew drive four-in-hand
better than they do single boss.
IL you nav Tedlly gov tnISc pcouAS, t-tshn
the Lord for his kindness, and freeze to one
ov them to onst. s 1.sst.rss5ss ,,s 1,.f :,
The more yu look for perfekshun, the
more blemishes yu will cum acrost; and
the more suckers you git into your net
the more yu will banker for, and the more
danger thare IL oy the nets bursting and
letting awl the fish leak out. 81, aqgs =,
l kant tell yu which one ov the three
fellows yu had better snare butsmi advice
is to take the one yu find yureself, the most
anxious to pleaze, and to keep on doin SO
after WI are one flesh, and if 'yu amt a
happy pair yure husband is simply mean
kuss. sf-r
"Bea,s.''- Courting IL about half natur
and about half science. The natur in it il
love,modesty; aud faith and the science IL
simply energy -. @ s
You must begin slow, but by-and- by it
will be hest TO agitate things. a;s
tisWimmir,, iaz a lump, had rather Bio took
by storm than by siege. .sgSs f Ell 800 So
saWimmin never surrender, nor are they
ever exacktly won, but rather captured.
They g fife it out on hisaline.' go
i am talking now ov sensible wimmin.
Thape ,izy wimminz who are az eazyato
court az lint. 49,, -. ssysE
"Luy at first sight "a is like eating honey.
1t duz seem as tho yu never; could git enuff
ov ii. 81 sflfsSseasezi g ~ =
This kind ov luY is apt to make blundess,
and IL az hard to back out oy5 az q well,
But tharc amt no SIGH thing or pure
Inathumaticks in courting.3 If it il awl
natur, it is certainly too Innocent for earth;
and Ii it il awl science, it il q alettle too
lob Il ID xnf, ~