The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1868-05-27

SrICE.-The pressure on our columns
fora few weeks forced on US the neces$i-
ty Of emitting the dish of spice. Matters
political, exegctical, -diGresslonal con-
gressional, theoretical, practical. categor-
ical sensational, democratical, RATIONAL
and irrational, rhapselical, demagQgusi
cal and liaboIical have variously. been
in the way. This week We see chance
for small space, and will serve up a
dish, but Tit be not spicy, the apology
is given before hard that our. hand is
out of practice. We sing first to any
tune that suits, about "Nobody:",
If nobody's noticed you you must be small;
II mob ,dy's SIishted you, YOU mast be tall;
If nnb"dy'S bowed 10 you, yon muSt be low;
If noholy's kissed you, you're ugly we
know. :.
IF nobody. envied you, you're a poor elf.
If nobDdy's tistsereu you, you've fattered
yourself; =. - -.
IF nobody cheated you, you are knaTe;
@If nobody's hated you, you are slave.
IF nohody's called you fool to Your face,
Somebody's wished for your back in its
place; ..-..
IF noboly's called you tyrant or scold,
Somebody thinks you Of spiritless mould.
fnnbody knows oflyouc faults but friend
Nobody will miss them at the world S,end;~
Ii nobody chngs 10 your purse like fawn,
Nobody'll run like hound when its gone.
If nobody's eaten his bread from your store,
NObody'll call you a miSerly bore;
IF nob0dy's slaudcred you-here is our pen,
Sign yourself Nobody" quick as you can.
Josh Billings last "essa" On the fash
ions is pretty good. Josh is a close OBJ
server:
s'Stceet dresses are worn here almost
unanimously ip: fact, it il impossible
tew see eny kind ,ov femait in the streets
without some Kind ov a dress on-l
mean street dress. They are made in
the shape ov dinner bell, and fit just
about az tight. Waterfalls are peg
higher than they waz, and sooa will be
worn on the top of the he'd, like a roos.
ter's comb. Hoop skirts are close reefed,
and filters are en- their last legs. Kid
gloves are the rags in lavender q; the
more the lavender the better and. the
hair eddys in the front like nest oy
young whirlpools just haeched out; and
drops down behind from the waterfalls
in one link foot long about the size ov
a rope, with poker coming out ov it."
A reporter for a paper wrote the yer,
dict of coroner's jury "died from
he'norragc," but passing through the
printers hands the information was next
day given that the deceased "died from
her marriage :"
This is on q par with the experience
of reporter in a Detroit paper, who, in
an article on the city poor, spoke of the
great number of persons reduced to pow
erty by the "mysterious DEGREES of
Providence" His astonishment may be
imagined when he saw the. passage
printed, "mysterious decrease Of proVl-
sions'"' 49,. ..., d. -, -, ., -:
Quite as good is the "Muddle" made
by another unfortunate typo with the
marriage notice of a. Mr.. Conkey, who
sent the following for publication
"Married-On August lst, A Conkey,
Esq, Attorney-at-Law, to Miss Eupbe-
mia Wiggins."
Love is the union of two hearts that beat
- in softest melody, -
Time, with its ravages, imparts no bitter
fusion to an ecstacy."
Fancy his phelinks on opening the
paper to find his notice rendered thus:
"Married-on August lst, A Donkey,
Esq. Eternally at Law, 20 Miss Euphu-
MIA Piggins."
glove is an onion with two heads that belt
in soften melony,
Time with its cabbages imparts no better
food to an extra dray." 49,.
1t is not as far round the world as it.
used to be, according to Charles find.
ing: - -, f -
Pretty girl to- Charles-"Charley,
how far is it around the world !? Isn't,
it twenty four thousand-'' Charles
(wbo adorcs pretty girl and puts his arm
around her)-"That's all a mistake my
love it is only about twenty four inch
es" She was all ttee.yarld to him.