Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-05-22
nnlprona,

ed man Because IT down IN the mouth
WHAr do We seek redress for when we go
TO law Injuries. Where do We fnd it?Ll-
juies.
AN III bred man is said to be ike lightning,
because he does not know how to conduct
himself
IF you should meeta melancholy pig, what
animals name might properly be applied to
him? Pork, you pine, lporeppiHel
/ IRRITABLE ScHooiMAsTER.-''No then,
stupid, what's that next word What comes
after cheese?" Dali boy-"A A mouse sir
''Yor ought to lay up something for a rainy
day." said an anxious father to his profigate
son. ''Aud so have, replied the youth.
"What?' San umbrella
/ Az EruIoPIAN CovUNpRrM -'.l say, sam,
i If tells you lie, why Is dat ike my ole am
chair? II doesn't see de resemblance, Pete.
/ oval, look yere; COS it's dc seat dat use,
a SPIRITED REplY-A poor fellow res
cued, half drowned, from river, MAS asked
to take some spirits and water. INC, thank
you, replied he, 81 have had water enough
already; III take the spirits alone.
DIrrEEENr sounds travel with different de-
crees Of velocity: call.to dinner viii run
over ten acre lot instantly, while sum
mons to work will take from Eve to ten min
utes.
The following warning is posted on a
man grounds a few miles back Of Hoboken:
''Taks notice, that whosoever is found tress
passing on these grounds, viii be shat AMI
prosecuted =
An ORIENTAL CoSUNDErM,--Wly has the
noble animal that carries the Queen Of Siam s
palauquin nothing whatever to do with the
I subject? Because it's her elephant ti,7.eie.
raut.)
: Prentice says, a Mr.. Beutly has been in
/ dicted in Alabama for severely woundiug
stranger with an axe. alleging as reason
that she didn't baote but the stranger was
robber." He didn't know. adds Prentice,
and so he ared him
Il SAY, Tummas. remarks an nquiriug
( spirit, ..what breed do you call that dawg O.
I youru -
Tunaas-''Well he's two breeds, piuter
and setter, He sits all day and pints his nose
at the fire.
/ A YoUNG lady who prded herself on her
/ geography, seeing candle asIant remarked
/ that It reminded her of the Leaning Tower
of Pisa. Yes responded a wag, with
this difference: that is a tower in Italy, while
/ this is a tower in grease.
CoyJuGAL AFFECTION. -snooks was ad.
yised to have his life insured. '.Woa't do
it, said he, ''it would Just be my luck to
. live foreverif | should.
Mrs. snooks merely said: '.Wen, would
not, my dear
| A omLD two and a half years old, was
playing with her fathers walking stick, which
had crooked handle; he asked her what
she was doing with that cane. at isn't
cane" she replied. "Well, what is it?" he
asked, "It is an umbrella rHhom 0ay
clothes on, she answered.
/ A GENTLEMAN was about completing the
/ sale of horse which he was very anxious to
/ dispose Of, when little urchin appeared and
innocently inquired, Grandpa, which horse
you goin' to sell-tbat one you built fire
under yesterday to make him draw ?" The
+ bargain was at an end.
/ DE PARH and Lord Frs sine are said TO
have been the vainest men Of their times.
/ At dinner, Parr, in ecstatics with the con
/ versational powers Of Erskine. called out to
him, though his junior, 'My lord, mean to
write your epitaph. ''Dr. Parr," replied
the noble lawyer, st is a temptation to com
nit suicide"
\ BROTHER minister, intending to purchase
a horse, stopped Rev. DR.. Mason to ask his
opinion. After taking good look at him,
DR.. Mason pointed to the knees of The horse,
which were worn, indicating that he was in
the habit of stumbling. That said he, is
a good sign for minister, but very bad
/ sign for a ministers horse
I A SAGE REFLECTIoS.-A rumiuatiye iHdi-
vidaal, hearing for the first time the quota
ton, 'All the World s Stage expressed bis
| lack Of wonder at accidents being Of daily oe-
eurreuce among the passengers, as the stage
turned over every twenty four hours. Lie
added thataxle would be more appropriate
term in the same connection than axis.
a ROASTING young fellow haviHg joined
without invitation party diuiDg at a restau-
rant, and indulging as usual in his egotism,
one of the party said to him, ''You have tod
us enough Of what you cen do; now tell US
something you can't do" "Faith, said he,
''that's easy enough; can't pay my share
of the bill
4 rHRENoLoGIsT, strolIing through
churchyard in France, perceived grave
digger tossing up the earth, among which
were two or three skulls. The craniologist
took one up, and after considering it little
time, said, "Ah, this was the skull of phi
losopher." Very like, sir, said the grave
digger, for I do see it is somewhat
cracked"
II being reported that Lady Caroline Lamb
had, in moment OF passion, knocked down
one of her pages with stool, the poet
Moore, to whom this story was told by Lord
Straugeford, observed, ooh, nothing is more
natural for literary lady than to double dozen
a page" II would rather, replied his
lordsbip, "adyise Lady Caroline to turn over
a new leaf
a GENTLEMAN at the last masked ball in
New York, meeting lady whose husband he
knew to be exceedingly Jealous, exclaimed,
"Good heavens, Madam, you here I thought
your husband kept you under lock and
key!" $50 he does, replied The angelic
creature "but he's down with the typhus
fever now, and take the advantage Of It to
have little fun
THE HARMLESS PIPE. -An anti tobacconist
in addressing a company Of sailors, warned
them against chewing aud smoking, and de-