The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-11-29
Ess AIS ON BUGS AND THINGS.
BY PENRYN PEssIFEArHER.
ESSAY FOUR.


Pigs.
This word is spelt Fl, o. G, 8, but II is inde
cate to pronounce 1t that way. In fact, anon
The strictly rstclass circles it is indicate to pro
nounce It at all except in the shape of ham; bu
Unnecessary to be mentioned ii should be done a
we rhetoriciaDs say. by means of a periphrass-
that to say PIGS. For instance, when Malyin,
(who grades strictly fair Orleans) sees an i'm
mense boar with his bristles standing straight
and champing his tusks, Il mean, of course
when she is on the plantation where there
amt any hog.law to prevent such thngs) when
Malvns sees this and desires TO call my attention
10 tne enfaged monster, she exclaims in that be.
witcbing way of hers, Oh, Mr.. Pennifeather. do
see thst-that-there, don't you see him-that
Pig ~ whereupon / am unable to restrain m v
emotions, and Mslvns very naturally puts on
anger as garment and pouts like half bio wn
rose.
periphrasis by the way is a something which
always amuses me vastly. Il is such a perfect
whipping Of the devil round stump: and the
stump always such rotten old affair, 80 foil of
cracks, through which the Aforesaid devil ia 40
entirely perceptible that am obliged to laugh.
And when | look at the title Of this article ana
read Z, i, e, s, and then know that everything
am writing, all the deliciously humorous hits
which | am perpetrating are right up and
down, and straight out about II, o, G. s.
II. is absolutely too funny-excuse me but /
can't help II. Ha hal ha! Hei he, he
Hi! hi hi! Ho! no no HUI hu In i" and
sometimes" as the grammar books say, Hw!
hw INV and Ely! by! by!
As am addressing this, however. to the first.
class circles, shall be compelled to continue the
perlphrastic form and spell my III, o, G. s.
r, !, u. 5, to the end of the row.
The Pig is an animal Of q comfortable aspect
with curly tail. It is in this connection that
viii take occasion to refer to the distich supposed
by popular tradition TO be contained In the three
time movement Of the tavern dinner. bell, 70. wit
"Pigtsil donel Pigtan done
hyou cont come quick. yoa won't get nonel" r
The faulty metre is probably attributable to the
frontier state of society in which il originated and
the consequent lack Of surveyors, who might
Otherwise have more correctly " unit visited the
chains that lie within the soul of harmon Y - and
measured the " links of sweetness" more Gunter.
ically.
The Pig 10 his native state (the State of Arkan-
sss) Is said TO be very ferocious animal: and
those who have tried 1t (Uide Guy Livingstone
ct cete's pdrt6us tell that "Pig sticking in the
Chants Is an exceedingly exciting sport. fneyeI
INDUCED myself that way, but on one or two occs.
sions remember to have witnessed (" Pigs stick.
ing in the gates" and never could find any ex.
eItement IN II. or anything else for that matter
except devil ofalot Of noise, which, being a ouiet
man, always made me swear. Then, too. have
seen good many pigs stuck-with butcher knife
Tor bacoD-but every one concerned was quite cool
toarrlng the hot water, Of course,) and all went
on In decidedly COMMONPLACE. smoke housev |
manner. Circumstances alter cases. / sunnose
and don't mean to insinuate that " Pig sticking |
in the Chants is not everything it is cracked u9 |
TO be, only India is a long way of, and travellers
have their privileges.
The Pig is not exactly what should like To call
2 perfectly unselish creature, for he undoubtedly
does as general thing select the prime parts az
me mudhoie for himself, instead of picking them
put ana presenting them to his little Companions.
IKE The good boys in the Sunday-school books.
and as should be inclined to do myselfNnot
Deing fond OF mud anyway. But this he does with
he best intentions imaginable.
IL Is said BY philosophers land believe thew
Ie rghp that there is no animal, whether fish,
he redheaded woodpecker-who is of so uniyer.
al application as the Pig. When young and In.
ocent he may be roasted to q condition of per.
ect succulence, whence he is then termed a
SUCKING Pig, After he increases ia age and sin
= MAKES capital baked shote, /" and upon arriy. |
% 81 fui cornfed maturity there are few things
'hicn anord such nlttituDl IN payoo (liberaiIv |
translated Fat enough to klI'I Think OF il.
arc spsre'ribs, sansages, hogs mean pigs. :
yer pudding; to say nothing of iowl and cab
age bacon, OF course, We all know about.
nd-oid you ever try cracklin' breadg No
Npect not, my esteemed and most worthy GAGS,
';In ma'e phoosoiy grown up among the toiing
Unions OF the crowded city and have never known
70 heavenly joys of country life and cracklin'
. my soul do.
The Pig is Of meek and gentle disposition.
nicn causes nim TO accumulate flesh with great
r,d,ty and therefore, for reasons which deem
a nsssnI ~ 10 mention, ADDS much 10 his merits
n, s Wy ~ memoer Of society. Go where Won ,
r. The ssS%%1nisy you please, and ask
feeling-you will never tainted to ss ss ana
o heart-burnings Except from f1Gss.stionI no ,
lvyings; no peace of households destroyeu-xun ,
IS they get under the floor, when they are bsd~i4
n fess); no chickering's or setting of neigbbor :
lsinst neighbor Excluding cases of cornields
TN detective inclosures) can be attributed to
m or laid at the door Of this inoffsnsive (pro- ,
ded you are Influenced and can't smelly smia. I
e animal. He Is profit to his owner q comfort :
bis possessor and an honor to his sex. de does
BOD even to those who despitefully use him, and
grateful to 1.-THE taste of the man that Stays I
The Pig has been accused Of obstinacy. and /,
'rhaps with reason-for none of us are perfect. !
Ut who would not be obstinate under the circum !
Ances! Fortunately in good cause has always r
zen accounted virtue and what cause can be /
teemed 90 good as one who is within himself the 4
use OF 80 much good as the interesting eubisct
!. Se present discussion. This reasoning NAV 4
!, - some individuals pronounced sophistics; bat
~ - me me on such there be- inquiry will reveal
~, ~ est they are dyspeptic ana unable to in.
Y so w ,aed pork steaks at night without feeling
are consequently preinScsdS .
~ nss also been said that the Pig Il a CLINTON =
no Improsiusnt-apother specimen NJ bow "a .
Ieo'uo1si apprehension will carry even initial (
sen' 1vserNers rom the path of impartial ina :,
&c. Inc very uets which are thus brought nm a
, ooouem . are those which should lead us !,
Iespees sna ioVe Weir possessor. Without 4 ii
ne regard Tor the pleasures of the tahle az :,
roper inclination to let to morrow slids @h .
'ould the Pig be! And where vouls he IN. s ~ ~
cious fatnese thereof which A lie nn,o ,h. 10 w