The Placer herald. [volume] (Auburn, Placer County, Calif.) 1855-1991, 1868-08-01
How Tom Reused Her.

The wife of Tom Gordon is a victim 10
imaginary ailments, and is never so content
as when living according to the direction OF
her medical adviser.
DR.. Valentine now understands her whims
and oddities SO well that he humors her in
every CAPRICE If she imagines rheumatism
is her complaint, he agrees with her, and
prescribes some harmless potion; if she
thinks her appetite is decreas ng, some bread
pills keep ber ln good spirits until the fancled
symptoms Of some other disease induce her
to serd again for him.
During the last four years Tom has often
wished bat bis wife would roll down stairs
and break her foolish head for the reason
that the physicians aud apothecary's bills
make very considerable inroad upon his
fortune.
About three months ago she complained
Of pain in her side, and as usual, the doe
tor was summoned. After prescribing three
or four bottles Of different compounds-aI
harnl, SIS, but rather expensve--he said:
"A you want to assist medicine in affect
inc cure is little rousing Although
Your ailnent is serious, ii is not dangerous.
Assume little energy, and you will recove'.
Remember, rouse YOURSELF
After The doctor had retired the patient
fancied that at last scme serious disease was
beginning to manifest ITSELF and, like a fool,
she went TO bed in despair.
Tom UNDERSTOOD her case thoroughly from
long experience, and said mentally:
| "She wants rousng, does she? Well,
| III give her a surprise that will s'artle her"
Mrs. IIake an attractive widow was en-
gagged to act in the capacity of nurse to Mrs.
Gordon. The widow is young, buxon, ami
able, and Tom thought her attractive qualities
might be made available in giving the pa
lient the nesessary rousing.
A short consultation with Mrs. Hake re
suited in the arrangement OF plan, the eX-
ecuton Of which was to induce Mis-. Gordon
to forever af,erwaId to throw physic TO the
dogs.
Late the next evening, while the patient
was fretting and groaning, and announcing
her intention Of giving up the ghost, Tom
called Mrs Hake aside and said to her, in
pretended whisper, but Iouu enough to be
heard by the invalid:
Poor Fanny she is abont to die at last,
and SO you and may as we'll arrange for
our marriage"
Tom threw glance over his shoulder as
be spoke, and abserved that the dying pa
ient ceased her 2roaning and began to
rouse herself. Arising quickly to sitting
posture in the bed, to note every word of
be conversation, she stared at them with
eyes as big as peeled onions
"'Twll be IA relief to her" continued Tom,
| 4, H. L,, NJ ya1-e kaan n invalid. | too
have suffered as we'll as she, but with you,
the picture Of health, as my wife, my Lappl
ness will be complete"
The widow threw herself upon Toms
shoulder, her arms about his neck, aud be
yan to chew bis vest in mouthfuls, to smoth'
er her laughter.
How soon shall we get married after she
is dead?" asked Tom, passing his arm
around the substantial waist of the widow.
IL suppose you will be willing to wait a
week or two 2" simpered Mrs. hake, as she
leaned her head on his shoulder and took
another mouthful of vest.
The invalid uttered an exclamation and
landed on the floor
"You think I'm going to die, do you"
she exclaimed. "l'll live to spite you both
And for you "-she turned and grasped Mrs.
Hake bv the hair" out of my house, you
designing vixen I will act as my own nurse
hereafter"
From that day to this Mrs. G. has enjoyed
GOOD health, and Tom has enjoyed good
spirits, because he has not had Doctors bill
to pay. IT,. 1,
needed rousiug, and Tom reused Der thor
ough!y.
The high destiny for which Butler is re-