Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-10-16
Wise and Otherwise.

"Light' refrt shment---"Cork
whiskey.
A Boston boy is said to be HUI
Bub.
The pawn broker Is said TO be
''loan man,
There is philosophy in a saw mil
every board Is u logical result.
+ Some one says that forty Thousand
New Workers live by borrowing
money.
"Blair badges" are the latest names
for the rosy f,ish ut the end of ole
topers noses.
A husband readily foots the bills o.
awife who Is not afraid to be seen
footing the Stockings of her husband
Nasty has begun his lecturine
tour. He is said to have made S35, ;.
900 worth of engagements for the
current season.
The reason why conscience doesn't
trouble some men is-they haven't
got any. 1t don't run in some fami.
lies at all.
81 suppose you are interested in
Gems of Thought Matilda?" "Yes,
Angelina, but not so much so as i'm
Thoughts on Gems.'"
"Biddy did you put an egg in the
coffee, to settle ?" ayes, mum; /
put i'm four: they were SO bad, l had
to use the more of them"
Somebody gets off this conundrum
Why is it so hard get Andy out ofthe
Presidential chair? Ahswer-Be.
cause lie went In tight.
A Wisconsin paper records the
death of composition by consumption
who worked to the day of his death,
the last 'take" being notice of his
own decease.
A highly educated constable some
where in the Northwest, exposes for
sale a roam horse, or $50 much there
of as ma bee nessary" to satisfy the
judgment.
There is lady in Boston who
hasn't washed her face for fifteen
years. She thinks water injurious to
the skin and uses fine Indian meal
i'm its place.
Hans, who is judge of morals, as
well as money, say that being dem
der to anuder mans wife is not legal
bender, no more rs bickled beets is
sour-kraut."
An officer having been spoken of
as "a poor gourmet" bystander re-
marked that he "knew nothing about
his kernel, but he always thought
the fellow was had mt ~
Its good thing to have hand
some penman for beau" said Mary,
as she glanced over n billet-doux.
YES" replied Julia, "if the penman
is only handsome, don't care how
ugly the penmanship is"
"Pa," said Charlie to his paternal
ancestor, holding a Sunday-school-
picture book, whats that?" THAT,
my son, is Jacob wrestling with -, q
angel" "And which licked ?r in
CURED the young hopeful.
AT the Massachusetts cattle show
the other day, a gentleman, who
probably does not read the RepOlu-
ton, gave the following toast: THE
Coming Woman-May it be a long
time before she arrives
"The penalty for walking on O
railroad in England is clio, said one,
while discussing the numerous fatal
accidents on a railroad. Pooh" re-
piled Uncle Jerry, "is that a!l2 The
penalty in this country is DEATH"
"I'm afloat, I'm afloat I" screamed
a young lady of powerful lungs and
fingers to match as she exercised both
on the piano. ~ should think YOU
were" gEewIed an old bachelor,
Judging from the squail you raise"
A recept Indiana paper has an obit-
nary of a deceased lady, beginning
with the stanZa:
sHer noble spirit took Its fight
To worlds unknown 10 us:
Aud left this world Of war and strife,
With all its din and FUSE"
"But, father, you know love makes
time fly" said an enthusiastic daugh-
ter. who was arguing i'm favor of
longer bridal trip than usual. "Yes,
my dear, know ii does at first, but
you'll find that in the end, time will
make love fly"
A lady, who was suffering under a
slight indisposition, told her hus-
hank that it was with the greatest
difficulty, she could breathe, and the
effort distressed her exceedingly. II
Wouldn't try it, my dear, }" soothingly
responded the husband.
A young widow who had married
an old man was forever speaking of
my husband" The second husband
gently demonstrated. az guess" said
the wife, pouting, "you'll want me
to remember you when you're dead
and gone" Comforting.
"In England no man thinks of
backing his own boots" said a
naughty Britton, once, to Mr.. Lin
coin, whom lie found polishing his
calf-skin CATERS. "Whose boots does
he black ?" quietly responded Uncle
Abe, as he spit on the brush.
The consciousness Of truth nerves
the timid and imparts dignity and
firmness to their actions. 1t Is an
eternal principle of honor which
renders the possessor superior to fear !;
it is always consistent with itself,
and..needs no ally. Its influence will
remain when the lustre of what once
sparkled and dazzled has passed
away.
Miss Beecher is a resident of Hart
ford. Secretary Toucey was lately q
guest at one of her circles, and after
some mild rotations of claret, became
genial and effusive. When he took
his leave, he made his adieu to q very
old lady, by taking her hand and
saying with impressment: Fare.
well, madam, be virtuous, and you
will be happy"
a Farmer who was sympathizing
with lis neighbor Jones on the death
Of his son, said: "You should re-
member, Mr.. Jones, there is no
loss without some gain. John, YOU
remember, was always a monstrous
eater" II know he was" responded
the bereaved parent, "but to think he
was laid up with the rheumatism all
winter, and died just in haying time,
is pretty tough, neighbor Jenkins,
pretty fought"
Ladies who are addicted to CHG
nons-and there are few that are not
will be deeply, if not delightfully."-,
interested in knowing whence their
,adventitious hair comes. Until re-
Gently ia Enrope the flowing tresses
ofthe poorer classes were laid under
tribute to adorn and beautify their
wealthy sisters. Many poor girl
Il H.. 4 II