Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-04-17
Wise n,rdOtherwise.

The country pays more for alcohol
lie drinks than for all its schools and
colleges.
Somebody says that everything
which il great Is good. How about q
great fool. /
A religious paper calls for "Christ-
ian courtesy i'm the matter Of steal
ing reports. ~
Every man magnifies injuries he
has received, and lessons those he
has inflicted.
"Sal, what time do your folks
dine?n "Soon as you goes, that's
missus's orders"
People shouldn't make trouble. It
Is sure to come in sufficient quanti-
ties ready made.
Mrs: NIiliiffehr is terribly afflicted
woman, says she has an lawful quit
ar In the head"
Wish Of sentimentalist-W When
women take up arms, may we be
found In them.
How tosimprove lady's looks
put one hundred thousand dollars i'm
her pocket.
Somebody sagely remarks that inn
parchment will be a'good thing If ii
turns out we'll.
A girl with ringing laugh, )"
caused an alarm of fire in Peoria
Vhey took her for belle.
II came near selling my boots the
other day. said Scuttles to friend.
"How so?n "Well, 1 had them hall
soled-n
We're i'm pickle now,r said q
man. in a crowd. :" AZ regular janf,,''
said another. Heaven preserve Us,
mourned an old lady,
The local Of the Council Bluffs
Nospnrieg talks of tracking his
brain. Did he accomplish the feat
with fine tooth comb?
A little girl once hearing the re-
mark that all people had once been
children, artlessly inquired, "Who
took care of the babies2n
"You are writing my bill on very
rough paper" said client to his So
licitor. "Oh, never MIND sir, it has
to be filed before it comes into court,
was the reply.
We see it stated that there is O man
in Iowa who: keeps SO full OF
whiskey that the Eed bugs in his
house are constantly troubled with
delirium tremens.
A western New York paper la
Aents the failure of the course of lee
%4lfnG N fhn IN. xxyb. n
cd, but says they have O sure thing
on dancing school.
A sentimental young gentleman
advertises for beard in Christian
family, where his example and con-
sersation would answer instead of
greenbacks.
Henry Ward Beecher says, i'm q
recent sermon, when men are in
sane, they ought not to be allowed to
Yang themselves, but when men are
toois-there Is question"
Sowing to the peculiar arrange
nent of the programme, no piece can
BE repeated, was the answer White
received from" his 1andlady, upon
asking for q second piece of pie at
dinner.
Why is g. cfoei1 the most humble
Ehfilg in existence2 Because il al
ways holGis Its. handsi before its, face,
and, however good its work may be,
Ii is always running itself down.
Anna Dickinson has succeeded so
well with her lecture on HBreakers
Ahead, is engaged upon another en-
tiklesf ta(yrushers Astarn ~
Anna has engagements to scsid un-
til June.
Parental examp1e.--A child once
ASKED minister, "Do you think my
father will go to heaven ?a eyes -
was the reply. "Well," returned the
child, "if he don't have his, own way
there he won't stay long,
Neatly tur,sed.-A Boston teacher,
who in o. fit 1T yexation called his
pupils q set Of young adders, on be-
ing reproveu for her language, apollo
gized by saying that she was speak
ing to those just commencing arith-
nletic.
a Minnesota editor says that a
man came into his Office to advertise
for his lost dog, and that such was
the wonderful power of advertising,
the dog walked into the office while
he was writing out the advertise
ment.
Wife OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES did that
young lady observe, that passed Just
now?" Husband with a smile of
calm delight)-"Why, my love, she
observed rather good looking man
wall1iHg with an elderly female, that
Is alL-ahem ~
In Searcy, Ark. a pair of twin
girls were born few days ago. each
having twenty fingers. The papers
out there are sympathizing in adj
vance with the future husbands,
doomed to predestined scratched ia.
ces, with double the ordinary allow
ance of finger nails.
BarnunA upon being asked If he
had lost hfsaif by the burning of his
Museum, replied: mo, / have not
IDet my spirits, my appetite, nor the
means of gratifying it; i'm fact, ex-
nect have got enough left TO spoil
my children, unless. happily, man
age TO spend some of it before ann
done with it-of which there seems
to be fair prospect.
A bank officer went to prominent
New York lawyer and said: IT am
a'defanlter to7tlie tune of 100000.
have not been detected. What shall
E'doytf uGo. back,n said the lawyer,
'sand take another 100000 and re-
nurn to me.n The officer obeyed,
when the lawyer wrote to the direct
ors that his client had taken $500. 900
but would return half of it if the af-
air was hushed up. Rhe directors
took the HAIR loaf.
HONOR TO WoMAN.--The last POI
stical production of Fitz Greene
Nallecls, was little epitaph writ
zen In lady's album, and read as
6Dliows:
sfi honor to woman the sweetheart the wife.
The delight of the freside by night and by
day, II
Who never does anything wrong in her life,
Except when permitted to have her own
way.
A writer in. Once o. Week, says |
@Kou read the newspapers will you |
cell me what you concede- to, be the |
final sensation of an editor after a |
weeks. work p Thrice in one day he |
bas been glad to OBSERVE But on /
~ 4 n. q. Il