Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-11-06

Men of display-bill posters.
Handy thing--a glove.
The BREAD Of Tdleness,'-L oafing
The Back-door Bella pretty kitch
EN- maid.
Oysters in England cost forty dol
lars bushel.
MECHANICAL.-Tst the company 10
the making Of artificial limbs a JON,
stock Que?
The man who showed his grit wa
in the sandpaper line. The maj
who was caught mapping Ia suppose,
to have been q halter.
"I suppose you are interested IL
Gems of Thought Matildy ?" yes
Angelina, but not so much so as IL
Thoughts on Gems"
A Boston bride-Miss Hiltsn-re
ceived a two hundred thousand dol
lar house, last Week, as weddins
present from her father.
Pittsburg has contributed s.,
towards the erection Of colOssa
bronze statue Of ex-Secretarv Stan
ton, to be placed on the Lincoln mon
ument.
Female clerks in the treasury De
partment at Washington, to the
number of about seventy-fye, will
be discharged on the 1st prox., on
account of a want Of work.
Olive Logan thinks that any wo.
man who can protect herself in a
horse car is qualified to vote. and ex-
claims, Now, girls, be menr'
Rather difficult command to obey.
AS the magnetic needle points al
ways toward the Pole, so does pure
love ever more point Its possesser to-
ward that God whose nature and
whose name is Love.
A dollar once broken into soon
goes, and it is the same with reso-
luton. A resolution unbroken il az
hard as gold once change it and it
is thrown, as it were, into rs many
coppers, and rapidly mclts away.
Scene In a French court.-The
observation-disclosures did you steal
this silver spoon from this gentle
mans house ?' Prisoner" Your
Honor, upon my word thought it
was a pewter"
"Why, Hans, you have the most
feminine cast Of countenance I have
ever seen.n
"Oh, YAH" replied Hans; "the
reason Of dat Is because my mothers
was voomans."
"There Is but one good wife in this
town. said clergyman in the course
of his sermon (the congregation
looked expectant:) land every mar
ried man thinks he's got her." added
the minister.
A lady i'm Banksville, Conn, whose
waterfall happened to drop out OF
the window, was surprised to find in
it, few days afterward, two fresh
eggs. Some hen had taken posses-
sion oft as q nest. What neXts
My opponent, Mr.. Speaker. per.
sists i'm saying that he is entitled to
the floOr.-whethe this is so or not +,
shall not enquire, All I have to
say is, that he will surely get fioored
if he interrupts me again.
An absent minded gentleman intend
ing to scratch his head i'm church
reached over and performed the ope-
ration for an old maid in the next
pew. He discovered his mistake
when he found himself defendant I'm
an action for breach of promise.
When the women in the Madrid
cigar factories lately mutinied, they
went i'm mob to the office of enc of
the Directors, demanding to be heard.
He agreed to admit committee of
them, adding that they must be the
three Oldest and ugliest Of the lot
The deputation was never sent.
Artemus Ward went to his hotel
late one night, and, calling a waiter,
said to him james has the land
lord gone to bed?" "Yes -
"Then, James, / wish you ts 20 to
him and wake him up, and tell him,
with my sincere regards, that the
price ofliberty Is eternal vigilance. )"
a little girl was lately reproved for
playing out Of doors with boys, and
Informed that, being seven years old.
she was too big for that now"
But with imaginable innocence
she replied:
Why, the bigger we grow the
better we like EN-"
A French Marquis was riding out
one day when he passed an old
priest trotting along contentedly on
a quiet donkey. "Ha! hap exclaim-
ed the marquis, "how goes the ass.
good father?" "On horseback, my
son, on horseback" replied til q
priest.
A New HAMPSHIRE editor, w.Io has
been Keeping record Of hi.g beets,
announces at last that "t.ie beet that
beat tire beet that beat the other bt ct,
is now beaten by q beet that beats ali
the beets. whether the original beet,
the beet that beat the beet, or the
beet that beat the beet that beat the
beet.
An honest German In Philadel-
phia, listening to an account of a
another man." the other day, got
greatly excited over it, and splutter-
ed over it with great vehemence: "If
my wife runs away NIT anudder
mans wife, will shake him out Of
her preeches ii she be mine own
fader, tunder sacre"
READING.-The amusement of
reading is among the greatest conso-
lations of life; it il the nurse of vir-
tue; the upholder Of adversely;
the prop of Independence; the sup
porter of just pride; the strengthen
er of elevated opinions; Ii il shield
against the tyranny Of all petty pas
sions; it is the repeller OF the FOOLS
scott and the knave's reRson.--Sir
EJerton Bridges.
WoMAN.-A macs OF fuss, feathers
and furbelows, with q considerable
sprinkling of vanity and silly con-
ceit. Is used by milliners, dry goods
merchants, and hair dressers to show
of their wares to advantage.
MANA conglomeration Of mock
dignity, conceit, smoke and boots;
derisively styled the Lord of Crea-
ton" Is a useful appendage to wo-
man. and occupies the moments of
which his life is made up i'm twirling
n cane, squirting through All eye
glass, and cultivsting a mustache.
Not Very Compliment
taI.y.
The following story is too good to
be lost, and as it must have been
a