The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-11-27
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diri1 anS Dutttnr.
Another revolution-the earth's
since yesterday.
A constable somewhere in the north
west exposes for sale II ''roan horse or
so mulch thereof as may be nessary, to
satisfy the judgement.
aWhy do you always beat me down
in nv prices ?'' because you are a
vulgar fraction of humanity, and vul-
gar fraction should be reduced to Its
loves. terms"
- A lively Hibernian exclaimed at
a party where Theodore Hook shone
the star of the evening /: 30, Master
Theodore you are the boy, that nobody
can bate ?" 49,
"A quaker hearing person tell
how much he felt for another who was
in distress, and needed assistance, dry
" asked him, "Friend has thou felt in
the pocket for him ?"
Sydney Smith. that wise and wit
ty parson, somewhere remarks in his
many talks. 'Country lire is very good
in fact, the bcst-for cattle: but as for
me, must have society"
a writer wishes to know of us
(which Magazine will give me the
highest position the quickest?" Were
plv powder magazine if contributed
a fiery article.
- An Arkansas editor who has
been presented with new hat says:
"a grateful hamor commenced caroling
through our veins, like a young dog
with an old SHOE"
- A hoosier travelling in Europe
being asked If he had seen Mount YES
suvius. replied, "Yes, saw her spout
ing away, and made up my mind we
must have mount just like her near
Chicago.
=. The fellow who undertook to get
a free pass. on the plea that he was a
railroad man, is found to have spoken
the truth--he was rail rode man, but
u fellow had Il hold OF each end of the
rail when he rode,
- Felix Mex arthy of The Kerry
Militia was generally late on parade.
"Ah. Felix" said the sergeant, "you
are always last.'' abe aisy, Sergeant
SULLIVAN was his reply /: ''sure some
one must be last"
- When old Zachariah Fox, the
great merchant of Liverpool, was once
asked, by what means he had contriv
ed to realize so large q fortune, his re-
ply was. ssFriend, by one article alone,
in which thou mayest deal, III thou pleas
est-civility." E
- To make a valuable speckled dog
bullet-proof, Mark Twain says: flake
off his hide, and line it with sheet iron.
Russia iron IS the best is, slicker and
more snowy than the common kind
Dogs prepared in this way do not mind
Bullets"
- The following article forcibly Illus
trates .he necessity of punctuation. 1t
can be read In two wa, Shaking a
very good man out ola bad nan If he
has paid for his paper, or a very bad
man out ola good man ifhe has not.
Read it accordingly
a New Hampshire editor who
has been keeping record of big beets
announces at last ''that the beet that
beat the beet, that beat the other beet
is now beaten by the beet that beat all
the beets, whether the original beet, or
the beet that beat the beet, or the beet
that beat the beet, that beat the beet,
that beat the beet.
- After long drought there fell a
torrent of rain. during which one farmer
said to another: 's1'h.s is a Providential
rain. ] hope it will bring up every
thing out of the ground" TO this the
other replied, with dubious shake of
the head 81 can't say as | agree with
You there, neighbor. | have buried
three wives IN the ground, should
MORALLY hate to see them all come up
again." lHHt
- One of Oldest and most respect
able citizens called into the establish !
ment of a joking druggist the other day
and, overcome by the sultry weather,
sat down III a chair and was soon enjoy
ing n sound slumber. Observing that
the sleeper had on new hat the drug
gist gently removed it, substituting IN
its place an old one, with sadly iii
lapidated andrusty crown. The drow-
sy sleeper at length awoke. and after
few h-ms,' felt of the hat which was
rather q tighs fit. Reno wing it from
his head and taking steady gaze at
the battered relic, he turned to the
druggist and inquired /: ''Dld | sleep
a long timer" "Yes,' replied the Joker
ga very long time." s'Well..' contin-
ned the sleeper 81 should judge so
when came into this store this here
id old hat was new.''
- He is an old and experienced man
in vice and wickednessheis never found
opposing the works of iniquity he takes
delight in the down downfall of his
neighbors he never rrjolces in the pros
perity OF his fellow creatures he is al
ways ready to assist in destroying the
peace of society he takes no pleasure in
Serving the Lord he Is uncommonly
dlligent In sowing diseord among his
his Friends and acquaintances he takes
no piidein laboring to promote the
tho cause 81 Christianity he has not
been Negligent in endcavoriRg to stig-
luatize all public teachers lie makes no |
cxerfions tosubaue his evil passions he
strives bard to build IN Satans ding
dom lac lends no aid To the support of
the gospel among the heather he con-
tributes larg ly IL tue evil adversary he
pays no attention to good advice !
le gives great heed TO the Devil he will |
never. 90 to heaven he must go where |
he will receive the just recompense Of
award.