National opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1865-1874, 1868-05-08
My Late Senatorial Secretaryship.
BY MARK TWAIN.

berth two months in security and in
great cheertulness of spirit, but my
bread began to re,urn from over the
waters, then-that is to say, my
| works came back and revealed them
selves. | judged it best to resign
The way of it was this. NJ en-
ployer sent for me one morning toll
erably early, aud, as soon as | had
finished inserting some conundrumS
clandeStinely into his last great
speech upon finance, | entered the
presence. There WIS something
porteutous in his appearance. His
cravat was united, his hair was in q
state of disorder. and his counte.
nance bore about it rhe sign of IA
suppressed storm. He held ii pack
age of letter in his tense grasp, and
l knew that the dreaded Pacific mail
was in. He said
Il thought you were worthy of
confidence
! said l.: Yes, SIR
He said: / gave you a letter from
certain of my constituents Ill the
State of Nevada. asking the eStab-
lislment of Il ost Office at Bald
wins Ranch, and told you to answer
it, us ingeniously as you could. with
arguments which should persuade
them that there was no real necessi
ty for an Office at that place
| felt easier. oh, if that's all,
sir. did do that
Yes, you did. | will read your
answer, tor your own humiliation
I" WASHINGTON, Nov. II. 1867.
MeSSrs. Smith, Jones and others.
GENTLEMEN What the mischief
do You suppose You want with II
post office at Baldwiii's Ranch ; 1t
would not do Nou any good. If any
letters came there, Non couldn't read
them, You KNOW a; and besides, such
letters as ought 10 pass through,
with money III them, fur other local.
tiles, would not be likely to get
through, you must perceive ut once ;
and that would Elakc trouble iol lis
all. No. don't bother about Il post
office III your camp. | have your
1 BEST interests ut heart, and feel that
1t w0uld only he an ornamental fol
! lN. W hat you want Is nlce jail,
/ YOU kuow-a nice substantial jail,
and free school. These will be II
! lasting benefit to YOU. These will
make ,ou really contented and hap.
py. | will move in the matter at
once. Very truly, etc,
MARK TWAIN.
For James W. Nye, L. ) Senator.
THAT is the way YOU answered
that letter. Those people say they
viii hang me, If | even enter that
district again: and am perfectly
satisfied they uat, too"
"Well' sir, | did not know | was
doing amy harm. only wanted to
convince them
"Ah. Well YOU did convince
them, | make no manner OF doubt.
Now, here is another Spccin,u.
gave you Il petition from certalt!
gentirmcn of Nevada, praying that
would .ct biIi through Congress
Incorporating the MeihUiiSt EpiS
cupal Church Ot the State vi NeNa'
da. | told YOU to say, lnrepiy. thai
thee creation of such law can.t
more property Within the province
OF the State Legislature and 10 en-
deaNor To show them that, III th,
present tccblcneSs of the religious
element of that new commonwealth h
the eXpedicucy oi Incorporating The
church vas qucStlonable. w nal
did you write!
.WASHINGToN. Nov. 81. 1861.
Rev. John Halifax and others.
GENTLEMEN: You will have t
go to the State Legislature ahou
that little speculation oi NourS--tuu
gresS don't know anything about re
lgion. But don't you hurry 10 Z,
up there, either; because tins thini
YOU propose to do out III that ncN
country isn't cXprdlcnt--In fact,
is simply ridiculous. Your religion
people there are too feeble. in lnte
lect, in morality, III piety-in every
5 thing, pretty much. l0n had be
: ter diop thls--you can't make
work. You cant issue stock on u
incorporation like that--or if go
. could, it would only keep yon i
b trOble al. the time. The other d,
nominations would abuse it, an
"btar' it, and sell it Short an
break it do vn. They would do wit
. it just as they would with one {
Your silver mines out thcre-the
i, would try TO make all the world b,
= lieve Il was "wild cat.' You ougl
!, not TO do anything that is cacnlalc
to bring u sacred thing into disr
L pule. You ought 10 bc ashamed
!. yoursclyes-tbat j. what l thin
e about 1t. You close your pct.liu
! with the words: " And we wl,l ev,
pray" | think You had bcltcr-No
need to do it. Very truly, etc,
= MARK TWAIN,
For James W. Nye, L. >. Senator
That luminous epistlc finishes II
. with the reli.iOiu el, lncnt anon
my constituents. But that my y
hlicul murder might be made s'r
g. some evil instinct prompted me
hand you this memorial from Il
IS grave company OF elders coInp"sll
the Board OF Aldermen Of the eli
!, of San Francisco, 10 try your hat
{. upou--a memorial praying tha, Il
4" city's right TO the saicr.loIs ul'
di The clty front might he cstablis'l'