Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1868-11-05
THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS

Long Branch IL a work ov nature
and IL good job
IL IL summer resort for men
wimmin and children, ospeshily the
latter.
Children are az plenty here, and az
sweet NJ flowers in an out door gardin.
They play in the sand for work,
and git their feet wet for fun.
There iz some attempt at style here
but the prevailing disseaze il good
common scnse, you can see this stick
out in the way people take it natral
and oazy, aud don't try to ontstrip
each other IN wearing fu clothes,
and Them exquisett
didn't see but one woman here
who was dressed too Economical and
her dress was plenty long enough at
the bottom, but the front side of her
shoulders seemed tew lack sumthing.
put up at the Continental Hotel
near the roof oy the building from
choice.
! kan say that this house is kept q
good deal without neutralizing my
dignity, for paid the same price that
the rest ov tho boarders did for my
yittles.
shall put up here agin, when cum,
If have tew straddle the ridge-pole.
/ never leave a good hotel for a
better one, learnt this fishing for
frogs. If ! am where the frogs bite
good, that's mi puddle. Ihave known
folks tew swop a good horse for a poor
one, jist for the sake ov 10 dollars
tew boot.
MY wife puts up with me at the
same hotel it IL an old fashioned way
we have ov doing things
She always goes tew fashionable
resorts, when young widders are any
ways plenty, tew put me on mi guard,
for am ole ov the eazyest critters
on record to be imposed upon.
She has saved me (by the hare Of
the head) more than sixty times
alreddy, from being spite by the
widders.
She il an ornament to her seeks
mi wife IL.
would like tew see yung wilder,
or emmy other man, git the start oy
me when mi wife liz around.
Ii ] jist step out sudden .ew git q
soder cocktail tew cool mi aching
brow, mi wife goes to the end oy the
verandy with me, and waits for me,
if 90 down onto the beech tew as
tronomize, jet little, all alone by
moonlite, she stands on the bluff, like
a beacon lite, tew warn me ov the
breakers.
No man whoze feet arc slippery,
and who haint been accidentally in.
sured against recent widders, ought
tew be allowed on the Branch without
a wife who understands her bizz.
The hotels now are phat with folks,
all ov whom ackt fustratc, except the
pesky widders, and don't see emmy.
thing awful about them, but mi wife
duz, and she knows.
The biggest thing they have got
here, for the present, IL the pool ov
water, in front ov the hotels This
pool IL sed bi good judges tew be 5000
miles long, and sum places FIVE miles
thick.
Into this pool every day at 10
O'Clock, the folks all retro, males, fe-
males, and widders, promiskuss.
They dress in flannel attire, ov
menny colors, and look as near alike
when they are in the pool, az a flock
ov ducks and brakes
The water in this pool haz stood so
long il haz got nearly salty, and ought
to be change, and beleave they have
got a bill before the Nu iersy legisla
ture for that purpose, but Nu jersy
folks are shy about trieing expert.
ments They are always willing to
invest little sumthing in a ded sure
thing, but don't think they will ever
undertake to freshen the pool
The Grecian Crook IL prevailing
here just now among the young ladys.
The bend seems tew be sum WHARF
near the broad of their backs, and
gives them a very intellectual look
the same ~ the anshunt greeks had
altho think their walk resembles tew
much a sore-fUoted goose.
The turnouts arc unkommon menny,
and silk four in hand are frequent. !
had the espeshall honor ov being slung
around the beautiful avenuws and
through the queenly grounds ov Mrs
Huoy bi four white-footed sorrels
dressed in russot and white harnes,
and driven tew an elegant drag by
their owner, Prof Eastman, ov po'
keepsie.
set up on the back scat as stiff as
"A bridegroom, and evry boldly seemed
TO have their eyes close rccfed on us
The Hon. Abiah Palmer, ov the
Now York senate, sat With the Pro.
iessor, and the Rev. Henry Frost sup
ported me
The bands of musk in front Of the
different hotels played for us
! must say felt little big.
And it amt TO be wondered at, for
have been much in the habit of late
years, ov going aioot when | rode.
The scenery here IL grand, esposhily
the pool, and the air IL az bracing az
milk puntch.
The tables are full ov vittlcs, and
the servants arc AZ polite as dancing
masters gave one ov them a 90
cent shinplaster, and he opened and
shut in front ov me for i've minits, az
eaEy aa n jack nife that had been ro-
Gently creased.
Drink are reasonable ospeshily out
ov tho pool, and cigars must be plenty
ard cheap, judging from the vast con
course ov stub ends lieing around loose
on the lawns
Tho last touch ov civilization haz
finally reached Long Branch Sum
ontorprising missionary haz Just open.
ed club house, WHARF awl kinds ov
gambling IL taught
| leave tomorrow at 3 o'clock p. m
Daniel Webster penned the follow.