The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1868-03-13
EUOLOGY OF WOMEN. BY 'sMARK
TWAIN"

At the dinner recently given by the
Correspondents Club at Washington,
"Mark Twain" was called on to re-
spond to the usual toast to "Women"
which he did in the following charac-
teristic style:
"Mr. President: do not know why
l should have been singled out to re-
ceive the greatest distinction Of the
evening,-for so the Office of replying
to the toast to women has been regard
ed in every age. Applause. I do not
know why l have received this dis
tinction unless it be that / am a trif1e
less homely than the other members of
the Club. But be this as it may, Mr..
President, am proud of the position,
and you could not have chosen any
one who would have accepted it more
gladly, or labored with heartier good
will to do the subject justice, than l.
Bucause, sir, / love the sex. Taught
er.l / love all the women, sir, ire
spective of age or color. Laughter.
"Human intelligence cannot esti-
mate what we owe to women, sir
She sews on our buttons laughter,
she mends Our'clothes laughterI, she
ropes us in at church fairs,-she con-
fides in us she tells us whatever she
can find out about the little private af-
fairs of our neighbors; she gives us
good advice-and plenty Of it; she
gives us piece of her mind sometimes
and sometimes all of it; she soothes
our aching brows: she bears our child
ren-ours as a general thing. In all
therelationsOf life, sir, it is but just and
graceful tribute to women to say of
her that she is brick. Great Taught
er.
"Wheresoever you place woman, sir
in whatever position or estate-she
is an ornament to that place she occu-
pies, and a treasure to the world
Here Mr.. Twain paused, looked in
quiringly at his hearers, and remark
ed that the applause should come in at
this point. 1t came in. Mr.. Twain
resumed his eulogy. Look at the no.
bic names of history Look at Cleo
patra! look at Desdemona! look at
Florence Nightingale look at Joan of
Arc look at Lucretia Borgia! Dis
appreciation expressed. "Well, said
Mr.. Twain, scratching his head doubt
fully, suppose we let Lucretia slide.'
Look at Joyce Heth! look at Mother
Eve [Cries of 'Ohv 'Oh!l You
need not look at her unless you want
to, but (said Mr.. Twain refectively,
after pause) Eve was ornamental, sir ;
particularly before the fashions chang
ed! Irepeat, sir, look at the illustri-
Gus names of history. Look at Widow
Magree! look at Lucy Stone! look at
Elizabeth Cady Stanton! look at
George Francis Train Great laugh
teri And sir, I say it with bowed
head and deepest veneration, look al
the mother of Washington! she raised
boy that could not lie could not lie
Applause But he never had any
chance, ['Oh p OH u 1t might have
been different with him had he belong
ed to a newspaper correspondents
club. Laughter, groans, Kisses, cries
of put him out Mark looked around
placidly upon his excited audience
and resumed.
"I repeat, sir, that in whatsoever pO-
sition you place woman she is an or
nament to society and treasure to the
world. As a sweetheart she has few
equals and no superiors laughter as
acousin she is convenient-asa wealthy
grandmother she is precious-as a'wet
nurse she has no equal among men
| Laughter.
'What, sir, would the people of the
earth be without women? They would
be scarce, sir-almighty scarce Then
let us cherish her-let us protect her
let us give her our support, our encour-
agement, our sympathy-ourselves, il
we get chance Laughter.
"But jesting aside, Mr.. President,
woman is lovable, gracious, kind OF
heart, beautiful-worthy of all respect,
of all esteem, of all Difference. Not any
here will refuse to drink her health
right cordially in this bumper of wine,
for each and every one of us has per-
sonally known, ana loved, and honor
ed, the very best of them all-his own
mother!" Applause.
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