davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27
MIR. stanbery,s Pcroration.

The argument of the Presidents Counsel
in the impeachment trial were too lengthy
for pcrusal by the general reader, yet there
arc many passages which we would like to
give place to- Among them is the closing
part Of Mr.. S:anbcry's brilliant address,
which We give below:
And, now, Senators, after the review of
the Articles of Impeachment, we arc pre-.
parcd to form some idea Of the nature of
this impeachment itself? Where, now, is
the injury to any individual or to any officer
Of the Government, brought about by the
action of the President? Whether actuatcd
by good motives or bad, no injury has fol-
lowed; no public injury has suffered; no
officer has been changed, either rightfulIy
or wrongfully; not an item Of public prop
crty or public money has passed out of the
custody of the law, or has been appropriated
to improper uses.
Senators, was there ever more abortiye
attempt to make case for impeachment Of
the President under the Constitution?-
This bantling Of impeachment, from the
first, showad few signs of vitality. There
was never any real life in it. 1t has been
nursed by the Managers with the greatest
care, especially by that honorable Manager
whose business it was first to bring it to the
notice Of the Senate. lie dandled the bant.
ling in his arms with consumate skill. He
pinchcd its poor wan checks for some show
of life, but even then it was too evident
that it was IN a4iculo morris.
The nurse was skillful, but the subject,
with all its care was beyond his art. Long
since this show of vitality vanished, and
now here it lies, bcreft of life, SHAPED ess
mass which gives no sign, scarcely grim
contortion the counterfeit resemblance Of
life under the galvanic touch Of high party
excitement. !,
Hitherto, Senators, l have considered
this case in its legal aspects, and it seems to
mo that the argument may very well stop
here. Whether there is Of matter Of fact
in the casc adds greatly TO the Presidents
defence. Look through the proof adduced
by tho Managers outside Of the mere formal
documentary exhibits. What is there left
but the testimony us to tho speeches? What
is there that has the slightest bearing upon
the case Of the President, except what they
have attempted to force into the case by the
L. 80 H,on~c1 Tho,Nov
We have heard from the Managers, espc.
cially from that Manager who opened the
case on the part Of the prosecution, many
high-soundiug declarations Of what they ex.
pcctcd to prove. But what total failure
VIC have seen in the WY Of performance?
Look now with what flourish ofthc trum.
pets tho declarations of General Thomas as
to his purpose and intcnts were heraldcd
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

Dean Swift, the eseverest satarist Of his day
was one day dinning with company ofgen-
tie men one Of whom he had made the butt
Of his ridicule with repeated sallies. At
last the Dean poured upon piece Of duck
somd gravy intended to be eaten with
roasted goose. The unfortunate gentleman
seeing this, Immediately said: my good
Dean, you surprise me, you eat duck like
q goose" The company roared, and the
poor Dean was so confused and mortified
that he flew into rage and left the table.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

An Iowa orator, wishing to describe his
opponent as souless man, said: have
heard that some person hold the .opinion
that just at the precise moment after one
human being dies, that another is born,
and the soul inters and animates the born.
babe. Now / have made particular and ex-
tensiveinquires concerning my opponent and
/ find that some hours before he drew death
nobody died. Fellow citizens l will now
leave you to draw the inference"
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27
A Good story.

They tell story Of how the Rev. DR..
Bethune-now dead-a wit, q scholar and
an eloquent divine-was once put in q queer
position by an intimate friend.
The doctor at the time was settled over q
congregation in Brooklin, and was very pop.
ular. A Connecticut congregation gave
him o call, and called" q thousand dollars
per annum better than the Brooklyn people.
But he had formed strong attachment to
his parishioners, and thinking that his
sphere Of service could net be changed to
advantage, he was not tempted by an in.
crease Of salary So he remained to the
great delight Of his people.
All the doctors parishioners were not
saints. There were some sinners among
them, else why preach the gospel? Among
the last was jovial pew holder, fond Of
lush, and apt at all times to get more than
he coulc conveniently carry. Neither was
he particular at what time Of day he got
drunk. He suited his inclination and had
no method in his cups.
Bilkins- well, that was not his nam, but
it will do-Bilkins heard Of the doctors re-
fusal and he was delighted. In the very
height Of pleasure he crossed Fulton Ferry
carrying about quart of brandy.
DR.. Bethune crossed in the same boat,
carrying an umbrella. '|
The brandy carrier happened to catch sight
ofthe umbrella carrier. and at once staggered
toward him, exclaiming in his loudcst tones.
How do you do, Mr.. Berthune? Let me
take your hic-hand, my dear sir-r-r! am
proud to tcstiiy-yi-yi my respect for you,
sir" ...
"Spcak little lower, sir, if you please,
Mr.. Bilkins," murmured DR.. Bethunc.
"Yes-s.s, sir you've stood by our pulpit
like man. Them nutmeg grinding, ham
carving yankees wanted to take you away
from us-offered you thousand dollars
more-did they?"
BY this time the attention Of the crowd
was fixed on the couple. DR.. Berthunc's s
faace was always Aorid, but now it wais on
fire.
His interlocutor continued:
"Our people have got to make up that
thousand dollars got to If they don't III
do it myself Sc-e-e if I don't"
But my dear sir" demonstrated the
doctor, sotto roice speak little lower
You are drawing"
"Ycs-s s." interrupted tho other. II
know what you said. You spurncd the
Offer You said you wouldn't 60, not an
nch. You told them as good and pious
clergymen ought to that you'd see 'em
id first"
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

Ono Of our young readers was taken by his
father on recent visit to Washington and a
call upon the President, who, placing his
hand on the head Of tho six-year-old, said,
Remember that In this country every boy
is candidate for tho Presidency" Tho
little fellow was asked what tho President
said to him. He said, "ovory boy must
bring him some candy to cal"
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27
A GoOD STORY ON BuTLER.-A Wash.
ington correspondent writes:

ingtOn correspondent writes
There is loose darkey about Willard 8
hotel named Tom. You can bribe Tom to
do anything. The other day there was
dinner given by New York contractor, at
which it was understood that Ben. Butler
would bc a guest. Some disloyal wag, with
out the fear ofCongress before him, got hold
Of Tom, feed him literally, and put him up
to piece Of outrageous and reasonable
tomfoolery. After the plates were served
the host said, ''That will do Tom, you can
CO." But Tom did not go. Observing that
his orders were not obeyed, the contractor
repeated, II told you to go Tom, il l want
you, will ring for you" ,-lta.-
Still Tom hung about the door and did
not retire. At last, very much warmed at
his contumacy' New York turned upon Eth
iopia and said sternly, attracting the atten-
ton Of tie whole company, i've told you
twice to leave the room, and by Cd I'll
be obeyed. or put you out myself!' Tom
approached the table humbly and replied in
subdued tone, but loud enough to be heard
by oil present, "If you please sir-with sub
mission-I can't go. I'm obliged to stay"
THE hi you are. What for? "Well
sab, if I must tell you, must. Ibeg Mars
Buffers pardon, but I'm sponsible for the
spoons. Dem spoons is silver, on I was
specially sent to watch EN-, I can't 60 sir"
It's as much as my place is worth SIR
The sequel can better be immagined than
described.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

How THEY JUDGE ONE ANOTHER
Every Radical politician you meet says the
seven Republican Senators were bought.
They Judge them by themselves. They
know that, had they been Senators, they
would only been anxious to have their vir
tue tested. Like Byron's Ladies', their first
question would have bcen, "When does
the ravishipg commence ?"
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

Little Frank was taught that every ono
was made of dust. One day he was watch
ing tho dust in the street, M the wind was
whirling in eddies. "What are vo, think
ing of" asked his mother. "O," said
Frank, with serious face, II thought tho
dust looked as though there was going to
be another little boy"
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

''Do you keep matchesP" asked would
be wit, Of retail dealer.
"Oh yes, all kinds" was the reply.
"Woll then, ! guess Ill take a trotting
match"
Tho retailer Immediately handed him a
box of Braudreth's pills.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

REcEIpr.-Thc following receipt is said
to be worth thousand dollars to every
housekeeper:
"Takc one pound Of sol soda and half q
pound Of unslacked lime and put them ir
gallon Of water, boil twenty minutes, let
it stand till cool, then drain of and put in
small jug or jar. Soak your dirty clothes
over night, or until they ore wet through,
then wiring them out, and rub on plenty Of
soap, and in one boiler of the clothes vel
covered with water, add one teacupful o
the washing fluid, boil half an hour briskly
then wash them thoroughly with one suds
rinse, and your clothes will look better than
by the old way Of washing twice before
cooling. This is an invaluable receipt, and
every poor woman should try II.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

TIE bones Of an enormous reptile Of the
lizard family have been received from Kan.
sas by the Academy Of Natural Sciences Of
Philadelphia, to which they have been pre-
sentcd by the discoverer, DR.. Turner. The
geolegists Of the Academy are busy chise'
ling out the remains from tho crystalized
gypsum in which they were found embed.
ded. The backbone has been cleared Of
its rocky case, and the vertebra put togcth.
or, extends in length about thirty feet
With the head and tail it is believed te
have been at lest fifty feet in length.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

AN cntsrprising bill poster in On eastern
city has tho following sign over his shor
door:
Go forth in haste with bills and paste,
Proclaim to all creation,
Tho mon arc wise who advertise,
In the present generation.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

Ir THE wicked really stand on slippery
places, the best thing tho righteous can do
il to keep of the ice.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

A dilapidated old darkey in Montgomery,
A a., while watching the monkeys in q
menagerie in that city, spoke thusly: Dem
children got to much sense to come out Of
dot cage white men cut dar tails off and
set 'em to votin' and maxim considerations.
Kraatsalatt's wife discovered her old hen
setting in the back yard, and burst up hel
nest" soon after the poor woman came
in much excited and said
my dear Kraatsalatt, I took the eggs
from Brownie, and she has gone and sol
onto ON old meat axe.
"Iet her set," said the bilious old fel
low, IF she sets on ON axe maybe shell
hatchet,"
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

CURE For WHoopINa CouaH.-Physi.
clans, in Hartford, Conn.,, have adopted
with marked success o new method of treat
ment for curing children afflicted with the
whooping cough. The juvenile patient are
taken on tour Of inspection to the city
gas works, and while intently engaged in
witnessing the various processes employed
in manufacturing their evenings artificial
illumination supply, they breathe the not
very pleasant air of tho gas house. In
some way, not very clearly understood, the
inhailing Of this air is found to cure or
greatly alleviate the complaint. This in.
genious method Of bone6tting the youth
full mind and body simultaneously has be-
come immensely popular in the place, the
people at the gas works asserting that dur
ing the last twelve months no loss than three
hundred cases have been experimentcd up.
on, tho results, generally, being Of a most
favorable character.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

NEW RESTAURANT, 49,
In shive's Building. on Main Street.
WIN. GILMORE,
su6,,ms the citizens of Boomsburg and vicinity th
i,s has optned a New
RESTAURANT,
4, ,his place, where nc Invites his old friends ana
castoers " call and partake Of his refrcsAch'S.-
II n his Intention ~ Iecp the best
LAGER BEER AND ALE, 49,.
constantly on hand iAlss. Porter, sntsnpa'l'in' MIN
.sni water, FaMuy Lemohados, nnsrberry aud Lc'I
nm iv,uns, can always be had nt Ms Restaurant.
IN thc eating line he presents u
3I&L or rA1E
.,,nassed In this place viz, Pitkled OYSTER
r.' Eardines. fish, Barbeeurd Chicken, rlek.s'
aud Beef Tongue, &e'' &C. TIC a''" ms s'o'
~ " C;gu,s and Chcring ToGncco
custon,ers. o.. CIV him II call
r,nsh,irg, juno ~, 1860.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27
The Size Of the Ark.


ln6dels have objected to the size Of the
Ark; have asserted that it is quite absurd
to suppose that ever there could he vessel
constructed large enough to hold all the
creatures, which must have been placed in
it, with sufficient food, it may be for six or
twelve months-water for the fish, corn
and so on. Now we will take dimensions
of the ark from the records Of moses, and
calculate them on the lowest possible scale.
There two definitions given to cubit; one
that is Is inches Or a foot and half, and
the other that is 30 inches. We will take
it only at the lowest. Moses states that the
ark was 500 cubits long this would make
it $50 feet long, or about the length Of St.
Paul's Cathedral, in London. The breadth
he states to be so cubits; we then have it
IS feet in breadth. He states it to be 80
cubits high; so that it was As feet high
In other words, it was as long as st. Paurs
Cathedral, nearly as broad, and half as high.
The tonnage of the ark, according to COM
putation of modern carpenters, must have
been $4,000 tons. The largest English ship
(of size unimaginable to those who have
never seen it,) is $500 tons burthen so
that the ark must have been equal to 26
firstrate ships Of war, and if armed as such
ships are, it would have contained be-
yond $4,000 men, and provisions for them
lS months. Buffan has asserted, that all
four-footed animals may be reduced to 25O
pairs, and the birds to o still smaller num-
ber On calculating, therefore, we shall
find that the ark would have held more than
five times the necessary number Of creatures
and more than five times the require guam
tity Of food to maitajn them twelve months
- S~SS------
Coon WAY OF COOKING ONIoNs.-1t is
a good plan to boil onions in milk and wa
ter it diminishes the strong taste Of that
vegetable. 1t is an excellent way Of serv-
ing up onions to chop them after they arc
boiled, and put them in stewpan, with a
little milk, butter, salt, and pepper, and lot
thom stew about fifteen minutes. This
gives them fine flavor, and they can bo
served up very hot.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1868-05-27

A Curious SroEy.-Not long ago one
hundred and thirty guincas were found in
an old we'll in Philadelphia. Samuel Nor
ris writes to the Rassbwg Commercial as
follows: "There is no doubt that l am the
only person living who knows anything
about how that gold came there, or where it
came from. And feel l am only doing my
duty when I disclose the facts Of the case,
for the benefit of the present lucky one
The following statement was made to me by
my father, Isaac Morris, who was born and
raised in Chester County, Pennsylvania, and
removed to Washington County in the year
l7S4, where he located on farm. In the
following year (l7S5) he hired man to
work on his farm, who had been soldier in
the British army during the revolution
This man disclosed the secret of stealing
purse from an officer Ia messnlate of his),
while cncamped outside ofPhiladelphia, (no
doubt it is now the heart of the city,, con-
tanning one hundred and thirty guineas, and
being fearful Of detection, he secreted it in
an open well, climbing down into the well
and putting it in crevice fthe wall, above
the water. Being ordered, few days af.
terward, to march hastily, he left without
having time to remove it, or, perhaps, he
did not have any desire to carry it with him
for he often declared he would like to have
the money, but he would never 60 to rccov-
er it. lie, however, described the place 80
minutely that my father, being well acquain-
ted with the city and suburbs, knew the ex.
act location Of the we'll. In the fall Of 1889
he went to Philadelphia with drove ofhogs
and, in company with his cousin, William
West 10 brother Of Benjamin f. West, that
world.renowned artist), proceed to the well
for the purpose Of obtaing the hidden treas
ure, but found that it had been planked
over, and pump put in the well. Fearing
trouble, they came away without making
the object Of their visit known to the owner.
Now, l have no hesitation in saying the gold
that has been found is the same that was
stolen by that man, and confessed by him to
my father"
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1868-07-21
TIE PRESIDENTS LATEST VETO.


In accordance with the expectations of
everybody the President has vetoed the
Electoral College bill, recently passed by
both Houses of Congress. His objections
are based upon the assumption that the
Southern States have never been out of the
Union, or if they were they have been legal
ly restored prior to March, 1868. He raises
the old point Of difference that has existed
between him and Congress, and upon which
an appeal was made to the people of the
North in the fall elections of 1866, and en-
phatically decided against the Presidents
theory. In any other era in the history
of the country this popular vote,
and the uniform votes Of Congress on the
same side, would have been considered
conclusive and mandatory on the President,
but Mr.. johnson labors under the errone-
Gus idea that he is the people of the United
States, and the only man in the world who
understands the meaning OF the Constitu
ton.
1t will be seen by our dispatches that
the Senate has promptly repassed the bill
by the decided vote of forty-fve yeas to
eight nays, Notwithstanding the objections
of the President 1t passed in the House
also by 1874 to Sc.
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1868-07-21
A GEM.

We pick the following jewel from the
resolutions of the Democratic mass meet
ing: ..
Already they have seized on the police
force Of this city, and are packing t with
pal tisans; they are bringing forward huge
monopolies, with which to gorge favorites
at the public cost, and they have legislation
in progress to force upon the citizens of the
State an amalgamation of races, not by
consent, but by constraint of law, from
which the habits fixed for generations revolt
as unnatural.
The thoughtful reader might suppose
upon hasty reading of the paragraph
quoted that it referred possibly to the ac-
ton of Mayor Monroe when he remodeIed
the police of New Orleans in 1866. Sec
ondly, to the legislative corruptions of 1866
aad 1867, and thirdly to the dishonor which,
by the law of slavery and the coarse appe
tites Of our "old citizens" was for years
forced on the colored women of Louisiana.
1t was intended, however, to have a differ.
ent meaning. 1t was meant as an assault
upon the Republicans of Louisiana. But
we think they are pretty well seasoned to
this sort of abuse, and can stand it.
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1868-07-21
THREATENING VIOLENCE.

The speech of one of the honorable
members in the Senate in the course of the
debate upon the Metropolitan Police bill
is pretty fair imitation of the insolent style
that characterized Southern members of
Congress before the breaking out Of the re-
bellion. When these Unborn rebels found
they could no longer control the majority
in Congress they employed threats of dis
solution of the Union; but as they had so
often promised what they never meant to
pay, little heed was paid to their rawlings.
1t is quite likely that the Northern
people had become so weary of the
presence of such DULLES in Con-
gress that they really did not care
whether they made the attempt to put their
threats into execution or not. Had there
not been considerable indifference on the
subject it is quite likely some determined
effort would have been made to put stop
to the daily menaces that were made in
Congress. The same policy will be tried
in this State. The defeated Democrats
will strive to effect by threats of violence
what they failed to achieve at the ballot
box. 1t is for the Republicans to decide
whether they shall prepare to meet the
question bravely, and fight it out on the
field chosen by their enemies, or suppress
the incendiaries that strive to provoke mis-
chief 1t will never do to yield to threats. If
the opposition demand either their own
way in making the laws in this State, or q
riot, by all means let the Republicans per-
emptorily refuse the FIRST, and await the
onset of aims. If any portion of the people
appeal from the laws to physical force
they should be met by force. If our politi-
cal enemies insistupOn a surrender of our
position, we shall say to them, Come and
take it.
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1868-07-21
CHEAP DRAINAGE.

In one very important particular New
Orleans needs thorough reconstruction.
The contractors who clean her streets and
canals, dig her bitches, and perform Other
necessary work generally and facetiously
dubbed public improvements are too
modest by half. They have not learned
the art of exacting sufficient remrnera-
ton for the terrible wear and tear their
brains and muscles undergo.
A recent illustration is furnished in the
bill rendered for digging two drains across
the lower side of Canal, at the junction of
Exchange Place and Bourbon street.
Each of these bitches is at least fiGy fee
long and yard wide, and, perhaps, two
feet deep; and yet, for all this therculean
job complete, actually less than eight thou
sand dollars is demanded of this wealthy
prosperous, and liberal corporation.
Ever bearing in mind the allegation
that some four hundred dollars worth of
the square block paving stones were ap-
propriated by the contractors, the bill pre-
sented (s7274 $50 is ridiculously small,
and we hope will arouse, tonight, in the
breasts Of our able and strictly virtuous
Councilman, just sense of indignation at
the implied doubt of inability to pay on
the part of this city.
We hear that these same contractors are
DESTROYS of cutting bitches, on each side of
Canal street, at every crossing between
Front Levee and Claiborne; and are not
willing to raise the rates for the proposed
work above the charges herein specified.
Live and let live" is our motto, and we
hope such an unheard Of cutting down of
prices will receive no countenauce from
the worthy city Fathers.