The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1868-10-31
THE GRECEAN BEND.
WHAT "DoEsrrcKs" r 16Ks or I


choose to array themselves In the sin
gle matter Of head gear / have conscicn-
tiously held my tongue when it was about
as hard work to do it as ever undertook.
They have worn big bonuets and little
bonnets, and finally they have got to
wearing absolutely no bonncts, but only a
sort Of diminutive plate or platter stuck
up edgeways and held in that elegant
position by some inscrutable means to
lovely woman only known. While they
wore bounets they adorned them with the
birds Of the air, the fishes Of the sea, the
beasts Of the field and the vegetables Of
the earth, with no word or remonstrance
from me.
They wore birds Of paradise, humming
birds, pcacocks and spring chickens, to
gctbcr with partridges, grouse, pigeons,
snipe, woodcock, and other game birds.
in such profUsion that if a city girl thus
attlrcd had yentured into the country
she would have stood a good chance Of
getting big charge Of shot fred into her
chignon by some enthusiastic but erring
sportsman, who might well fancy that a
flock Of quail had settled in her back
hair. y They indulgcd in flow
crs Of all sorts and sizcs-lilies, daisies,
roses, gcraniums, hoIlyhocks,
dandeIions. maywced, suufowcIs, red
peonics, morning glorics, verbcnas, and
even cactus blossoms foot across. = =
= They heaped vegetables upon their
bOnnets. | watched them from green
peas and radishes up through cucumbers,
tomatoes, currants, cherries and cauiDow-
ers, and have no doubt that they finally
reached Summer squashes, pumpkins and
the largest cabbages.
In fishes, they tried the minnow, the
trout, the gold and silver fish; then the
founder, the porgie, the Connecticut
shad, the soft and shining bullhead, the
graceful eel, and so on TO the lordly blue
fish and the noble sea-bass. Shark was
also essaycd without much success, and
one lady, fired by noble ambition, actu-
ally marched up Broadway staggering
under the weight of huge sturgeon, but
this wos too Inconyenient TO become the
rage.
They have trimmed their heads with
squirrels, rabbits, rats, mice, meadow
moles and a. such small deer" and
heard Of a young panther aud a wildcat,
stuffed and mounted TO the life, and re-
posing on the fashionable bonnet ola Mad
son avenue belle.
All these doingg, besides countless
other absurdities and innumerable pre-
posterOus inventions Of women. to make
themselves hidcous, under the name of
- Fashion" have | noted, observed, re-
GREETED, and mourned over. but said never
a word about. One reason for my con.
tinucd silence was, that the ladies haven't
got all the montrositics of fashion, by &
good many-the tailors, hatters, and 9th
or silk and broadcloth engineers, who tell
US what We must and shall wear. on pain
Of being considered Questionable, have
arrayed men in about as many ridiculous
nonsensicalities, in the way of dress as
ever the other sex have worn. And a
second reason for my keeping SO very
quiet is, that il / once begin to write
about Fashion | could never tell when to
stop.
But there is limit to most things
there is, may say, an end to all things,
even to the silence of my gray goose
quill, on the subject of Woman, as ruled
by Fashion.
I now behold the fair daughters of my
country deliberately striving by night and
day to perform and distort their 1.-THE and
graceful figures. and convert themselves
into sort of human camel; or, rather,
into an Australian kangaroo.
The other day Mary Magec, my coun-
try cousins friend, came to see the said
country cousin, who is visiting US. When
l came home at evening, | Was glad to
see Mary, but observed something
queer about her. She walked with a
crook in her back, and | thought the
poor girl had been washing, perhaps, the
day before, and so had got lame back.
| felt sorry for her, and so went out and
bought one of Sticktight's Poor Mans
Plasters. When I got home I called her
one side and said, q Mary, if you'll get
Maria Samantha (my country cousir) to
put this on your back tonight, when you
go to bed, it will take the soreness out OF
your bones before morning" l continu-
ed: /" 1t will draw pretty hard and smart
some, but | guess you can stand it for the
night, and you'd better stand almost any
thing than have that back crook. I'm
truly sorry to see you afflicted so, but
this plaster will be certain to cure you.
It's called Poor Mans Plaster, but I'm
positive it will do for poor girl just as
WE'LL"
Who would believe the ungrateful re-
turn for my trouble ? Mary threw the
plaster in my face (where it stuck SO fast
that 1t pulled out one whisker by the
roots), burst into tears, and ran up stairs
sobbing out that she was never so insult.
ed in her life. Pretty Maria Samantha
came down stairs and gave me Hail
Columbia" in the scolding way, ana IL
tell you that when that girl goes in for a
good square jaw she can't be beat by any
thing that wears back hair"
She told me that | had insulted her
friend and abused her, aud she was go.
ing to leave and go right home. / tried
to find out what all the low was about
and explained to Maria Samantha that
wanted to do Mary Magee kindness, and
had offered her the plaster to take tht
C crick" out of her back.
Crick said Samantha, in her mos
vicious and spiteful way; crick |! Yo'
must be fool. That's no crick-that'
the Grecian Bend.
Well,' said l, whatever you ma,
call it, Mary Magee has got It bad bu