Sugar planter. [volume] (West Baton Rouge [i.e. Port Allen, West Baton Rouge Parish, La.]) 1856-1925, 1868-03-14

this State
Subscribers. articles.
r. B. Smith. .......l bag of -four.
w. Moore........l bushel Of meal
Seth Vestal. .......l quarter beef.
A. Goodwyn........l shoat.
Maj. Jones. Jackass.
&c. &c. &c.
1t has been truly said by a distinguish
ed %aut'or, " that it is a hard case to write
a book, and then have to furnish the
public with brains to understand it,
The public is stupid, proverbially COM
mittees are so. generally-Ms committee
~as ST particularly; for instead of thank.
ing the Major for his magnificent donat-
ion, and thereby again furnishing ecitori-
al materials, they addressed him a note
which was never published" wishing
to know if he intended for unterrifed
Democrats to eat barbecued ,jackass ?"
and informing him, moreover, i" that un-
less he could make q satisfactory apology,
he would not be allowed to speak on the
approaching occasion"
The Major apologised, and kept his
jack, whose voice in the meantime, had,
by severe practice, improved so much in
depth and volume, that the town author.
tiles had taken the matter 10 hand, and
ordered the constable to treat him as a
nuisance, and have him removed forth
with.
PARrIV. CATASTROPHE ANT CONCLUSION.
His owner begged q weeks respite,
and as the barbecue came off within that
time, he was satisfied that among the ten
thousand people to be present he could
dispose of that jack. the e%ventful day
arrived, and the Major, having given or.
ders that his jack should be rubbed down
and brought On the scene of the barbecue
in full regalia," repaired thither himself.
The speaking had commenced, and the
Major sat at the root of a tree, deeply i'm.
mersed in his. own great speech, which
was next in the programme, when one Of
the marsbals tapped him on the shout
der, and Informed him THAT he must re.
move bis illustrious quadruped from the
grounds forthwith" An indignant reply
was on his lips, when the we'll known
voice smote upon his ear. Led by a dar
key, and clothed in a scarlet blanket that
swept the ground on either side as he
trotted along, the little fellow had be.
come so excited by the crowd of animals
o n every side, that all his previous efforts
at vocalization were completely eclipsed.
J Jupiter Tomas I! he was furnishing music
for the OCCASION" with a vengeance. The
rested from their labors en- masse
the speaker stopped in the middle of a
sentence consigning the Know Notbings
to an everlasting residence on the head
waters Of Salt River /; and all eyes
we're turned to the direction whence the
interruption proceeded,
= And still they gazed, and still the wonder grew
That one small ass could such On uproar brew;
Immediate measures were taken for
relief. 1t was suggested that, as an ass
cannot bray without elevsting bis tail
considerably, a heavy rock be attached to
that member. This plan was quickly
carried into operation /; but, alas ! it was
like placing a weight on the safety valve
Of q steam %engine-it only increased his
power. The rock was not heavy enough.
They then concluded to tie his tail to the
root Of a stout oak stump, which was
also quickly done, and the crowd warned
10 stand back" 1t was remembered,
.fterward, that this order was given by
The man who had charge of the cannon.
The report of which was completely
drowned by the discharges from the
ungs Of the donkey. 1t Wal also OBJ
served that this man (the msster of ord.
nance) was the last to leave the immedi-
ate neighborhood of the jack, which he
I'D IN q very precipitate and unsoldierliAe
manner. = 1--rg. III.
The ass finding his tail firmly tied
Town. made one mighty effort !; put on q
'ul! head of steam ; collapsed . Aue :;
md q dreadful explosion took place. So
'oon az order could be restored, and the
natter Investigated, the damages were
TO he as follows: ..I.r
Killed. M small Jackass.
wounded one Oak Stump.
Missing. Master of Ordnance
It has since been suspected that, NOV
"a BY . petty jealousy, the aforesaid
master Of ordnance secretly placed un-
Ter the jack four or five blssk cartrid.
ses. with . slow match attached. Wheth-
this was actually tie Gaze, or, if it was
mt whothor H. -~.l A.