The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-01-17
Nit and Hnntor,

btOneS.
"A grave mistake--aeeidentaI
Dury1ng man alive.
"A revolutionary charactor--th,
man in the moon.
What nation produces marriage
Why, Facination,
- When is window like a star
When it 10 a sky-light.
Why is the Republican party
like the earth Because it has beef
flattened at the polls.
- An Irish lover said, ats erea
pleasure to be alone, especially wher
your swate-heart is wild you.
- The man who was told that the
census embraced seventeen woman
wanted to be a census Immediately.
- Why Is sharp razor like dull
one! Because the one shaves thorough
~ and the other slaves thoroughly.
- Tom says he sat down to his
christmas dinner where there were sew
en- turkey goblers. Only ohe of them
was cooked.
"A London critic says Miss KELLOGG
walks like an anteiope-which we SUR
pose is roundabout way of calling her
dear.
- A young ladies' bass ball club
has been organised in Miles, Michigan
Are they now ready to make engage
ments for home match.
- Why are young ladies at the
breaking up ofa party like arrows p
Because they can't 20 off without a
Deaux, ard are in culver until they
get one.
f@ A countryman in Portland af-
ter eating three dozen raw oysters. told
the man to sstop when he had opened
ten cents WORTH" The man :sstop-
ped" at once.
A correspondent, of waggish
turn declares that Syrian woman are
SO hidiously ugly that they cannot smile
after twelve o'clock Saturday niobt
without breaking the Sabbath.
- what is that ?" said Sunday
scn0ol teacher pointing to the letter o.
"Dunno," said the urchin.
what 40 you say when you stump
"Damn it," was the precocious re-
ply.
A stingysshusband threw all the
plane OF the lawlessness of his children |
IN company by saying his wife always
kANOo thtiii tIclT OWN way. "
"POor things ~ was her prompt re-
ply; ''it's all have to give them"
- Since butter has become so very
dear, receipt has been prepared for
an admirable substitute marry a nice
good girl, and when she presides at the
table you will not require any but
her.
- "Mother," said a lad, lis il
wrong to break egg-shells."
certainly not, my dear" replied
the mother shut what do you ask such
a silly question for p"
because Ihavej just dropped the bas-
ket with all the eggs in it," replied
the promising youth.
- Pete-Sam, Noah wasn't the fus
man wot come ont OF de ark.
Sam--Why Pete you doesn't know
bout jography; Noah was
Pete--Don't the scriptures say on the
third day Noah came forth
Sam--Dat's sO-Dat's so!
Pete-Well wasn't dere free ahead
If him, !
Mark Twain says in his letter to
ne Tribune decribiug the Cars recep- :
ION OF the Quaker city excursionists, q
nat being told to smile sweetly when P
ne emperor entered, he smiled reck- =
ess smile at the finest uniform, but
ound it was only the Lord High Adj
niral and so he had to smile It all over G
gain. Y
= A precocious specimen of Young d
america got lost at county fair in y
'eW Jersey, and went bawling around s.
luch 20 the annoyance of some quiet
nOTIn who Ann-YiV.aI . |
riek tie answered with suppressed a
obs, 81 want my NANNY /: that, 9 ii
hats che matter. | told the darned "
hing she'd lose me.' r.
= A good thing is told of chap 3
no was arrested in Farmville, Virgin OF
!; JUST aiter the close OF the war, charg- +
'reigned the prisoner said: "Gentle- St
en- you ought to deal easy with me Ii
e called me DIN rogue, and I didn't pr
uch him, he called me DIN rascal. tn
ID L didn't touch him, but then he Of
lied me DIN yankee, and eentle-
en-, couldn't staud that 7"
. When the Rev. DIR. Patton was on
England he dined with several gen- to
eman who used a variety of arpu- "a,
ents to make him give up his cold v We
iter principals. ''Now here,n said cat
,ere Is some good old hick, surely you tho tho
Cant ?" said the doctor. "wbv cir of ,
learned to decline it when a bow ono
G, heac, hoe" y
The table was in roar, and the doc Ds
came of tryumphantly. II
- An EDITORS obituarv.-"Af ter n Tor
lie more than the century's noontide anu anu
ing years as social cenobite--bis Ger
arest age spent in admiration of ali Cos
npanlonship and coterie life-anes- t tas
ice whose caudcity was the greenest pro pro
! most disputable dorage-he ia at !ful
sarcophagated with the old men of Pr, pro
ts tlme--and we mourn him as we tain
IL those who have gone down to their n,
fullnes of years and no wife
ntlness OF the honors of the calling mai ma
Vhich he was both Nestor and prer
ster hand. i've
- An aged couple, who during half each
injury Of married life had Yfaneled son
quarrelled with each other, were each
III PROBABILITY soon to be separated.
husband was taken sick and be- De
ed to be b near his end The old spouse Ne
and taking stock of his TU
lition, exclaimed: u 81
w hV daddy vour foot aro all low
r hands a "a cyoII a..J az Z ooiu' ana q SUP
~ @Ao Solu, anu your nose is Warn
- aug
Ya'al let 'um be cold ~ -
w, daddy, you're going to die ~ TW
Vaal L guess l know what I'm L SIN
- price
W, daddy, watts to become of me mac MAJ;
III die P'' calm
dunno and don't care Wat
!. to know Is, watts to become of vi