The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-04-17
aIrit attS Duutur .


- Night lights-Glow-worms.
The main brace-Fighting cocks.
"A standing dish in Utah-a spare
rib.
The milliner's paradise-The
Needles.
What tree is rebel like A sea
cedar.
What State is high in the mid
die and round at both ends ? Ohio
- What dog does a printer like
best? Setter.
- How the railroads in this coun-
try were created and propelled-Van-
der-bilt and Daniel Drew.
"Now that you are on my side l
hope you will stick to me-" as the pa
tient said to the plaster.
- The papers announce constel-
lation OF stars at present performing
at Nlblo's. A wag suggests that they
form the Great Bare.
Our golden wedding will come of
just thirty years from now. We will
make liberal discount on any presen
our friends desire to make us at that
time if handed in now.
"A wag a short time az imposed
upon the editor of the Princeton Re-
publican the fifth chapter of Mathew as
an 5orginal article, and Its origin was
not discovered until the proof-sheet
was read.
- AUNT Roby was dividing a mince
pie among the boys, and when Jim
who had wiclledly pulled the cats tail,
asked for his share, the dame replied :
mo, Jim, you are a wicked boy, and
the Bible says there is no peace for the
wicked"
- A green one who had crossed |
the Atlantic Ocean tells tale of storm
where the rain poured down in such
torrents that the ocean rose ten inch |
es. s'There's no mistake" said he; be-
sides the captain kept mark on the
side of the vessel"
- Little Frank was taught that |
every one was made of dust. One day |
he was watching the dust in the street |
as the wind was whirling it into ed |
dies. "What are you thinking OFF,"
asked his mother. co." said Frank, |
with serious face, Il thought the dust
looked as if there was going to be an
other little boy"
- s'That is ! robably the Oldest
piece of furniture in America," said a
collector of antique curiosities to a
friend, pointing to venerable looking
table as he spoke. slow old is it ~
asked the friend, "Nearly four hun
dred years" "Pshaw, that is nothing;
l have an arabic table over two thou
sand years old" "Indeed !" Eyes,
the multiplication table,"
"A gentleman was Gliding his son
for staying out late of nights-or rath-
er early of next morning--and said
''Why when | was of your age my ia
Their would not let ME go out of the
house after dark ~ "Then you had
deuce of father-you had, "sneered the
young profligate. Whereupon the IA
Their very rashly vociferated: 81 had a
COMPOUNDED sight better one than you
have, you young rascal! -
- Wanted promising young
men ofour town are anxious to pro-
cure Situations as Son-in-Iato in some re-
spectacle families within the corpora
ton limits or near. In return they
are willing to be used as parlor Iorna-
ments, keep pound cake from moulding,
scatter pap-in-laws greenbacks, and
make ten fair damsels extremely hap
py. Here is a chance for somebody to
increase their families, and ought to be
improved by doting parents.
- Old Fritz who raises pigs and
,abbages somewhere in Queens county ,
lppeard the other day before Judge H /
rs witness. Question by the Court
Your name, Answer by Fritz
Veil, l calls myself Fritz but may be
,o-I don't know-it is Yawcup. You
zee, Mr.. Chudge, mine moder she have
jwo little poys, one of them was me
md t'oder was mine proder, or one
vas mine proder and t'oder was me !
toni know vich, and my moder she
ont know and one of us was named Il
Fritz and t'oder Yawcup-or one Yaw-
up and t'oder Fritz, l ton't.know vich,
md one of us got died but mine mo-
ne or mine proder, who got died. So S
Mr.. Chudge, dose not know whether a
am Fritz or Yawcup and mine mo- u
Ter she ton't know"
- According to accounts, every b
'ody ia Denveris on the marry. Some
10 it once too often. A case in point
occurred the. other day. A fellow
vas leading his blushlng bride from =
re elergymans house, when another :
Individual rushed up and asked in an
excited voice :
"What the devil are you doing with "
ny wife ?"
''Cool, that" said the newly married =
nan. This ere woman and | have 7
ust been welded. 1t is all legal for d
paid ten dollars for the job, and think g
t cheap. " 9
''Bully for you old fellow" said the N
tranger. 81 paid but five when we =
rere married. / have spent good
many fives foOlishly but that Is the u
worst. speculation ! ever got into. You \,
ave my congratulations, old fellow ; A
his is The happiest moment of my life.
And the lady,s former husband saun- I
cred away whistling an air from "rhe y
n of 4 nta -