Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1868-03-26
Nntnarai1s department.
RULES FOR COURTNG.
BY JOHN QUILL.


Having had much experience in the sci
ence of courting, I have determined, here
with, to lay down some definite rules for the
guidance of my young friends You see
I had good many unsuccessful courts be,
fore met my wife-the females whom
loved having gone emphatically back on
me. But, bless you, did it harm me? No.
it didn't. I was benefited thereby, and
when met my wife I knew the ropes, and
gathered up my affections, made one fell
swoop on her heart, and the door thereof
banged wide open and let me in: l will
give you the rules and shed the sunny light
Of illustration upon them from my own life
1st. Never 60 courting the girls parents.
You'd better edege up to the charmer at
once; for you can't marry her if you don't
try, unless she wants you, and you may be
able to, even if the old folks are hard on
you.
- I'd. By all means get the girls ma down
on you as much as possible. Ifthe old lady
is always blowing against you, the little dear
begins to take your part, and can't help
loving you.
I did this way, and my present mother,
in-law used to throw brooms and washboards
at me, and teach the dog to bite me in the
trowsers as climbed the fence.
3rd. If you see any others prowling g.
bout, always euchre them if you can. Ii
you see one of them buy tickets for con-
cert, 60 up and make an engagement with
her and get your tickets afterwards, but
when they visit the house always act as if
you were at home, and they were only Wis
itors, and never leave first.
4th. IF the old man has worldly wealth,
express dislike to greenbacks, and hank
ering after love in a small house.
5th. If you are long in the parlor, you
may sometimes try if your arms fit we'll on
her waist.
I tried this once, and called forth pier
cling scream, which induced her big pap and
two brothers to chuck me down the stairs.
So you be careful.
9Th. When you inquire if she will have
you, don't fall on your knees. 1t is ridic-
ulous, besides being rough on trowsers.-
Just take her hand and speak out like a
man.
I behaved similarly to this to female,
and said to her:
"Will you be mine p
She replied rather abruptly.
stNot much, ! WON'T"
It's likely she was a little timid, but l
did not care about pursuing the subject any
further.
7th. When you are engaged, don't 20
off like an old jackass and begin buying
teaspoons and wash-boilers, and candles.
It is very unwise, and excites comment.
9th. If girl refuses you, don't give it
up, but try again. Because two negatives
make one affirmative in grammar, don't
consider yourself accepted when girl jilts
you twice.
asked one female forty-one times, and
and at last she got to expect it whenever l
came, and would sometimes holler out No,
from the top of the stairs, before 1 got fair
ly into the house.
9th. Kiss all the children in house, E.
ven if they are dirty, and smear molasses
candy in your hair. Let the boy play
horse with you and make fool of you gen.
orally. This always works. It's trump
card if you play it right.
10th. And, finally, if there are two SIS
ters, and the old one is jealous, get some
one to choke her of, while you 60 in for the
younger.
did that once, and used to get friend
to ask the senior out for the evening, but
she found me out, and used to arrange her
hairpins in the sofa cushions before she
went out, so that it was extremely uncom-
fortably.
Thus it will be seen that when courtship
is alluded to, I am right there. If any fur
ther information is wanted, send me let
ter enclosing fifty cents, and 1 will cheer
fully give it.