The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-10-22
Short Paragraphs.

A clergy man, after marrying couple,
made prayer over them concluding with
"Lord forgive them, they know not what
they do"
An Irishman catching sight of an ad-
vertising card got up to resemble gold
piece on one side made grand rush for
it. Turning it over he exclaimed, "Be
gorra when / first saw that thought that
Seymour and Blair was elected sure"
A worthy couple when asked how their
son had broken down so early in life, gave
this explanation: "When we began life
together we worked hard and lived upon
porridge and such like, gradually adding
to our comforts as our means improved,
until we we're able at length to dine off
bit ofroast beef, but as for our son Jack
he worked backward, beginning at the
roast beef first"
"Friend Malaby, am pleased that
thee has got such fine organ in thy
church." "But," said the clergyman, 81
thought you were opposed to having an
organ in church." $50 | am" said
Friend Obadiah, "but then if thee will
worship the Lord with machinery, want
thee to have frstrate instrument"
Why is the letter R very unfortunate :
Because it is in trouble, wretchedness and
misery, it is the beginning of riot and
ruin, and is never found in peace, inno-
cence or love.
AS soon as they began to talk about
running John Allen for Congress, he gave
up his religion and declared his determi-
nation to reopen his dance-house. He is
not fool enough to suppose that he would
find any use for religion in Congress.
The champion musquito has been found
in New York. 1t is something like an
inch long.
Sambo bought patriarchal turkey. 81
took him home," said he, "my wife bile
him three hours and den him crow. My
wife den pop him into de pot wild six
pounds of taters and he xix 'em all out;
he mus bin as old as dat Mefoosolum."
A quaint old gentleman, in speaking of
the different allotments of men, by which
some become useful citizens and others
worthless vagabonds, by way of illustra-
tion remarked, $50 one slab of marble be-
comes useful doorstep, while another
becomes lying tombstone"
A negro had severe attack Of rheum-
atism which finally settled in his foot.
He bathed it and rubbed it, and swathed
it, but all to no purpose. Finally, tearing
away the bandage, he stuck out his foot,
and shaking his fist over it exclaimed !:
cache away den ole fellow; ache away.
| shan't do no more for you; dis chile
kin stand it as long as you kin; so ache
awayp
A young lady in Richmond recently
padded would-be burglar SO severely
with press board that it is thought he
will be unable to sit down for some time.
She found the intruder under her bed,
and seizing the press-board, accelerated
his movements considerably.
A conductor of a newspaper, speaking of
a cotemporary, says: "He was formerly a
member of Congress, but gradually rose
until he obtained a respectable position as
an editor; a noble example of persever-
ance under the most depressing circum-
stances"
A Hibernian, gazing at a knitting ma
chine, delighted at the rapidity with which
it made stockings, exclaimed 'sBe jabers
but that is the first machine I ever saw
that made legs for children's stockings"
The boy who ran the machine informed
him that it didn't make legs for children's
stockings, but stockings for children's legs.
A gentleman in the habit Of entertain
ing very often circle of friends, observ-
cd that one of them was in the habit of
eating sometimes before grace was said,
and determined to cure him. Upon re-
petition of the offence he said: "For
what we are about to receive, and for
what James Taylor has already received,
the Lord make us truly thankful" The
effect may be imagined.
@Pa, you whipped me for biting Tommy
and you ought to whip sisters music
master, too. He bit sister, yesterday af-
ternoon, right on the mouth, and | knew
it hurt her because she put her arms
round his neck and tried TO choke him.