Nashville union and dispatch. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1866-1868, 1868-01-08
NICE YOUNG MAN.

what He fs-WhO He is-WhRt He
DOes-And What He was Created for.
From the Round Table.
Everybody knows the nice young man /;
everybody has seen him. He Is that mild
and pleasing person who says, " Oh, yes r
and aAh, indeed p with 20 much yiyacity !;
who is always the first to hand around the
ices at the party who knows all about all
the weddings and engagements and balls !
who escorts mamma TO her carriage, and
suffers her to converse at him 80 amlably.
He seldom talks much, but he IL SO nice.
Generally he is in the drygoods line, and
frequently a member Of the Young Mems
Christian Association. He has been known
TO attempt to teach in Sunday School, but
the mental exertion is commonly too
severe. His personal appearance is not
remarkable. He is usually fair, with light
hair and gentle blue eyes. 1t is desirable
that he should have a mustache, straw coli
ored if possible, and in size like an exag-
gerated eyebrow. His dress must be so
perfect as TO leave, like himself, no definite
impression on the mind except one Of ex-
IRENE niceness, and his back hair should
always be parted in an exact line with the
seam OF his collar. Brains liz moderation are
not. as we have already intimated, an absoa
Lutte objection, but their possession should
be carefully hidden. Ideas are fatal to his
supremacy. One ofthe incest young men
we ever knew lost forever his proud pre-
eminence from the fatal accidental COM
mission Of thought. But feelings he
NAV, indeed must, constantly exhibit; tits
Indispensable that the real nice young man
should be as sensitive as a new author or a
public fnnctionary accused Of peculation.
He NAV play a little on the piano, or, bet
ter still. on the guitar, and occasionally
sing 20 his own accompaniment in an I'M
obtTusiye tenor; sometimes he paints nice
". and often writes poetry of sentimental
nature, not fatiguingly intellectual, and he
dances-oh he dances divinely.
The nice young man Of Boston il a very
different creature from the nice young man
of New York, and the nice young man Of
PHILADELPHIA bears not the remotest Likeness
10 either, or indeed TO anything else in hu-
man semblance. The nice young man of
Boston. for example, issometimesa prig; the
nice Young man Of New York is often a
snob; the nice young man OF Philadelphia
is usually tOtls teres Gtgue rOtundus, cipher,
the c,,riosa felicitas of nullity. Again, the
nice Young man of Boston who has no
brains. is permitted to ill the cavity which
should hold them with a weak solution of
equal parts of Emerson and Cant the nice
young man of New York who has brains
is required to sbroud their existence in the
profoundest mystery; the nice young man
Of Philadelphia never has brains. The
first admires nothing that he understands
the second understands nothing that he adS
mires; the third understands nothing, and
admires only himself and Philadelphia.
And 80 on. Besides there are numberless
varieties produced again by mere tuctua-
tions in feminine taste and In the fashion
of niceness. The nice young man of a
wear ago NAV be as different from his rep
resentative of to-day as last seasons beaver
from the prevailing tile. Miss Gigglesby
nice Young man in no respect resembles
Miss Sniggerby's; mammals is not the one
with whom Arabella exchanges hearts and
hair and photograph the nice young man Of
Betty, the housemaid, is not the object Of
her mistress devotion. The nioeness in
all these cases is relative; an arbitrary
quality reflected rather than actual, anc
subject to OPTICAL delusion. But each i
in his own circle, 20 all lntents and pur'
poses, nice young man.
The end aud scope Of the nice young
mans existence is not so easy 10 define
The poet tells us that a thing of beauty
ia a Joy forever, and a nice young man i
always a thing Of beauty then too, his fail
worshippers probably find him useful. II,
is always 30 obliging, so willing TO carry
parcels. 40 ready 10 escort one to the opera
or ball, TO make up set or hold worsted
or take dear aunt Jane down TO suppers, Sc
eager to do him justice, FOR any service
where eagerness does not need to be sup
plemented by intellect. And as these ar,
things which somebody must do, the mic,
young man has his place in the economy
Of creation. Perhaps he is intended {,
show how small a quantity Of brains is ne
cessary for human existence. We have
sometimes thought that his mission was e
preserve one from marrying that nice cir
who is his counterpart, whom everybody
falls in love with, aud, being sooner or late
cut out by the nice young man, blesses hi;
star forever after. On the whole, we ihinl
it most probable that the latter is the de-
sign Of Heaven in his creation.