Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1868-03-11

ITOii tLat iOSosiIy. AHS iSSoiS - '''N -
rangemcnt was as follows, and was rather
startling to the editor:
"There is not much noos around here
yit, but there is littul. A man had his
he'd cut in fite last mite, the doctor says
if he don't git well afore mornin, that he
will hev to die, saltain, he leaves one
small wife and u family. Anoter man IL
sick and guess he has got the morbus,
but sum people say his wife has pizoned
him, the doctur kant tell yit, but when
he dies, they are going to hold a,post NOR
tar over him. Another mans hoss dlde
last mite. He could eat moar than emmy
5 kattul round, and since ne dide oats
hev gone down tu- cents on bushel. This
is all the noos here now. Don't forgt
to send a paypur.
"PAppY, honey, will you buy a wstch?"
':And is it about selling yer watch Yer
are, Mike?"
''Troth it is. darlint"
"What's the price,"
"Ten shillings and mutchkin Of the
cratur"
"Is the watch dacent one 2"
sSure, | have had it twenty years aud
itnev-r desavcd me.
sWell, hcra's yer tin; and now tell
me, does it 60 well?'
Bedad. an it goes faster than any
watch in Connaught, Munster, Ulster, or
Leinster, not barring Dublin
"Bad luck to yer, Mike, you have
taken ME in. Didn't you say it had never
dessved ye?"
"Sure an did; nor did it, for niver
depinded on it."
TIE gas is reported to be so bad in a
country town, that the man who puts it
out has to take lantern to find the posts
A lady just arrived in Washington !;
espied the dome of the capitol, and in
quired if it were the gas.works. Yes" ,"
said bystander, for the nation"
A countryman, who was once charged
with ten gallons of whiskey, which a pub
lcan had put into an eisht-gallon keg,
said he didn't mind the money SO much
as he did the strain on the keg.
One night at the theatre gentleman
felt the pressure of two feminine feet upon
his patent feathers. At first the sensa.
ton was delightful. 1t made inexpressi-
bly, delicious thrills pass through his bo-
dy; but these sensations wore away and
the pressure began to feel the least bit
uncomfortable.
Madam" he gently suggested, "you
are standing on my feet"
"Your feet sir"
"Yes, madam"
Goodness! | beg your pardon, sir,
thought | was standing on block OF
wood they are quite large, sir J" "Quite
but you covered them madam !"
OLp Daddy Rnmsey was conscien.
tious man, fond Of mis- Bible and his bit
ters. He was summoned as witness
before our County Court. On entering
the hotel he stepped up to the bar, called
for little tanzy whiskey, poured out a
tumbler nearly full, and proceeded to get
outside of it, which he did with entire
success. The usual sixpence was laid on
the counter in payment. Landlord hand
ed back three cents.
"What!" said Rumsey, "don't you
charge but three cents 2"
mot where | sell at wholesale" was
the reply.
The old man showed back the change
and said: "Well, if it's as cheap as that
you take the three cents and I'll take
some more!"
AT last we have it on irrefragable tes.
timony, from Ogdensburgh, that old
Grimes's pulse has finally ceased to beat.
A few mornings since, when the thermom-
eter was nearly played out, ragged little
beggar stopped at the door Of Judge
J='s and plaintively suggested victuals.
As the benevolent lady of the house was
emptying q few into his basket she asked:
What is your name, my son?"
"My name is Grimes"
SIS your father living?"
eyes, marm."
81 thought Old Grimes was dead
long ago."
That was n,y grandpa"
And the youngster waddled fl, think
ing what agood old soul" the lady.was.
A Philadelphia gentleman of festive
tastes, who takes "fair shake" at all
the obtainable pleasures of the town, last
week assisted at 8 heavy dinner, took
much potable, and did not leave for home
until cver.so-many o'clock. On reaching
his door.steps and fishing up his night
key, he became satisfied that he was es-
sentially eonvivialized, and not precisely
in that condition which a good husband
should be in to meet good wife. eau.
tiously entering the hall he stepped, lis
tened moment, heard no noise, and con-
graduated himself that the family were
asleep. Quietly ne took off over-coat,
drew off boots, turned off hall light, slow
ly ascended stairs to family bedroom,
hesitated at door, believed he was reason
ably right, stealthily entered, found gas
turned low, wife apparently asleep, thought
she pas asleep, sat down, listened again,
no stir; began to undress got coat, vest,
pants, drawers, stockings all safely off;
was iourneying carefully toward couch
when wife of bosom quietly asked:
f" Coming to bed, deara"
"Yes, love-"
aWeil, dear, 6ads't y0v better lake eSI
uosy Eafw 1