Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1868-02-29
Mark Twain's Opinion of Woman.

! eAAS oHn Nioi o@H
ington Correspondents Club, held OF
the night of the 18th of January, the
Star reports the twelfth toast as follows
Woman-The pride OF the professions
and the jewel Of ours.
The toast was responded to by Sam
uel Clemens, better known as Mari
Twain, who remarked as follows:
Mr. President do not know
why | should be singled out to receive
the greatest distinction of the evening
for so the office of replying to the
toast to woman has been regarded In
every age. [Applause-] l do not know
why [ have received this distinction
unless it be that am a triAe less home
" than the other members of the Club.
But be this as it may, Mr.. President,
am proud of the position, and you could
not have chosen any one who would
have accepted it more gladly, or labored
with heartier good will to do the sub
ject justice, than l. Because, sir,
love the sex. Laughter I love all the
women, irrespective Of age or color
laughter
Human intelligence cannot estimate
what we owe to women, sir. She sew;
on our buttons T laughter she mends
our clothes laughter she ropes us il
at the church fairs she confdes in US
she tells US whatever she can find Out
about the little private affairs of the
ueighbors; she gives US good advice
and plenty of it; she gives us a piece
of her mind sometimes-and sometimes
all of it; she soothes our aching brows
she bears our chlldren--ours as gen.
eral thing. In all relations of life, sir,
it is but just and a graceful tribute to
woman to say of her that she is brick.
Great laughter.
Wheresoever you place woman, sir
in whatever position or estate-she is an
ornament to the place she occupies, and
a treasure to the world. Here Mr..
Twain paused, looked inquiriugly at his
hearers, and remarked that the applause
should come in ct this point. 1t came
in Mr.. Twain resumed his eulogy.
Look at Cleopatra look at Desdenon
look at Florence Nightiugale-look
at Joan of Arc look at Lucretia
Borgia I! Disaprrobation expressed
Well, said Mr.. Twain, scratching his
head doubtfully, suppose we let Lucre-
tia slide-look at Joyce Heath-look al
Mother Eve. [Cries of :'oh, OH" You
need not look at her unless you want to
but, said Mr.. Twain, refectively, after
a pause, Eve was ornamental, sir-par
ticularly after the fashions changed.
repeat, sir, look at the illustrious
names of historyl Look at the Widow
Machree look at Lucy Stone look
at Elizabeth Cady Stanton look al
George Francis Train [Great laughter.
And sir, I say it with bowed head auc
deepest veneration-look at the mother
of Washington She raised boy that
could not lie-could not lie-[ Applause.
But he never had any chance. [Oh
oh j 1t might have been different if he
had belonged to Newspaper Corespon.
dents Club. Laughter, groans, Kisses
and cries of "Put him out.' Marl
looked around placidly upon his excited
audience and resumed ::
Irepeat, sir, that in whatever position
you place woman she is an ornament
to society and treasure to the world
As a sweetheart she has few equal:
and no superiors laughter] as cousir
she is convenient; as wealthy grand
mother, with an incurable distemper
she is precious as wet nurse she has
no equal among men. Laughter.
What, sir, would the people of th'
earth be without woman? They woult
be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. Ther
let US cherish her let US protect her
let US give her our support, our eucour
agement, our sympathy-ourselves, i
We get chance. Laughter.
But, jesting aside, Mr.. President
woman is lovable, gracious, kind o
heart, beautiful-worthy of all respect
of all esteem, of all Difference. Not an,
here will refuse to drink her healtl
right cordially in this bumper of wine
for each and every one has PERSONAL,
known, and loved, and honored, thu
very best one of them all-his owl
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