New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1868-01-19
HUMOROUS.

In u cemetery in western Massa-
chusetts is tombstone with this in
scription:
SWEET BABEs
They came into this world to see
A sample of our miseree;
They turned their little heads aside
Disguised at the sight and died.
Thomas Hood used to say: 81 often
wish | was two or three children tbut
suppose l can't be) and wouldn't |
pull off my three pairs of shoes and
socks, and go padding in the sea up
to my six knees"
If you your lips
Would keep from slips,
Five things observe with care,
OF whom you speak,
To whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Lady Margaret Herbert asked some
body for pretty pattern for night
cap. "Well," said the person, what
signifies the pattern of a nightcapl"
80! child" said she, you know in case
of fire!"
"Have you ground all the tools
right, as l told you this morning when
l went awayi" said carpenter to
rather green lad whom he had taken
for an apprentice. "All but the hand
saw, sir" replied the lad, prom2tlJ
81 couldn't get all the gaps out Of
that"
"Do you like fsh-balls, Mr.. Wig
gins?" Mr.. Virgins, hesitatingly-
II really don't know, miss; l Bever
recollect of attending any"
'None but the brave deserve the
fair" No, and none but the brave
can live with some of them.
Reader, did you ever enjoy the &C.
static bliss of courtingl You didn't!
then you had better get little gal
an-try.
A person was boasting that he was
sprung from high family. EYES,
said bystander, II have seen some
of the same family so high that their
feet could not touch the ground"
A sharp talking lady was reproved
by her husband, who requested her to
keep her tongue in her mouth. my
DEAR responded the wife, 1T Is
against the law to carry concealed
weapons"
A Methodist brother recently had
occasion to preach discourse against
the doctrine Of immersion, but could
not find text until, with great
shrewdness and good sense, he hit
upon this g Beware of Diners land
strange doctrines"
WOULDN'T TAKE TWENTY DOLLARS
Some waggish students Of Yale col
lege, few years since, were regaling
themselves one evening at the ton
tine," when an old farmer from the
country entered the room and inquired
| if he could obtain lodgings there. The
young chaps Immediately answered il
the affirmative, inviting him to take ;
glass Of punch. The old fellow, VIII,
was shrewd Yankee, saw at 0no'
that he was to be made the butt o
their iests, but quietly taking off BIZ
hat and telling a worthless little dol
he had with him to lie under tn
chair, he took glass Of the prof
fered beverage. The students anx
iously inquired after the health Of tn
old mans wife and children, and tn
farmer, with affected simplicity, CAV,
the whole pedigree, with numerou
anecdotes about his farm, stock, etc
DO you belong to the church 7
asked one of the wags.
Eyes, the Lord be praised, and S
did my father before me-"
"Well, l suppose you will not tell
| lie 7" replied the student.
"Not for the world" added tn
farme,
Now, what will you take for this
dog - pointing to the farmers cu
who was not worth his weight in JeI
sey mud.
81 would not take twenty dollars fc
that dog"
Twenty dollars? why, he is ne
worth twenty cents"
"Well, assure you / would nj
take twenty dollars for him."
Come, my friend,'' said the stI
dent, who with his companions We
bent on having some capital fun wit
, / the old man. g Now, you say 20
, won't tell a lie for the world, let m
see if you won't do it for twenty do
i lars. I'll give you twenty dollars fl
! your dog"
"Pll not take it, I" replied the farme
/ sYou will not 7 Here, let us see
! this won't tempt you to tell a lie
! added the student producing a smH
bag of half dollars, from which
counted small piles on tho tabl
where the farmer sat with his hat
. his hand, apparently unconcerne
! (" There" added the student, the
are twenty dollars, all in silver.
! will give you that for your dog
The old farmer raised his hat to Il
edge of the table, and then quick
q thought scraped all the money into
4 except one half dollar, at the same tin
exclaiming, /" won't take twenty Dc
lars. Nineteen and half is as mul
4 as the dog is worth. He is your pro
erty.p
A tremendous laugh from his fellC
students showed the would-be wag th
= he was completely done up" a
! that no need no look for help in th
q quarter; SO he good-naturedly q
j knowledged himself beat, insisted
|. the old farmer taking another glal
4 and they parted in great glees the st
, dent retaining the dog, which he kee
to this day, as q lesson to him never