The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-07-03
dHrif ans Du,ttat .

aHrif an& Ouutar.
When is old cheese like o dol
lar? When it is almiteY.
- When is a steamship like yer,
cxacting man? When She screw.
- Why is q hen like eternity? Be
cause her son nerer sets.
- Some one calls the time of squee
zing girls hands the palniy season o
lite. H, -
- Why is man that fails in kiss
Ing lady like a shipwrecked fisher.
man? Because he has lost his smack.
when is blow from II lady wei.
come! When she strikes you agreea-
bly,.
What dress should lady pro.
cure in order to Keep her wardrobe
clean? Alaundress.
- The following notice is said to
have been written by a gentleman from
Germany.
"A genius down East thinks that
Stanton's name is Edward Mucilage
Stanton, because he .'stuck"-as long
Us he could.
1t is proposed to take down the
sign boards ''look out for the engine
on the Erie Railroad, and substitute
"Prepare to meet your God J"
- The daughter of an English toll
gate keeper has got herself into trouble
for "dead heading" her lover through
the gate. She never tolled her love.
- Why is man taking off his hat
on sultry day like childless King
near his death Because they both
want a littlcair Cicir) for their crowns.
- Whatever may be the end of man
there can be no doubt, when we see
those long trains gracefully sweeping
the floors and roads, that the end OF
woman is--"Dust." r
An incorrigibe loafcr, being Ia
ken to task for his laziness, replied, 81
tell you gentlemen you are mistaken,
have not lazy bone in my body, but
the fast is, ,oas born tired.
- A witty dentist having labored
In vain to eXtricate decayed tooth
from a lady's mouth, gave the task up,
with the felicitous apology, "rhe fact
is, madam, it is impossible for anything
bad to come from your mouth"
- A Radical paper says the Mig
gers in the Alabama Convention were
in excellent spirit, and closed their SER
vices by singing ssWe're goin' to Hebin
relin' an a rockin'" That is pretty
much the way Grant goes TO bed.
- crusty old bachelor, not liking
the way his landlady's daughter had of
approprating his hair oil, filled his bot
tie with liquid glue the day before a
ball, to which the girl was invited. She
stayed at home in consequence.
- Down in Mississippi at a colored
Sabbath school, n few weeks ago, the
devout teacher asked the question =
"Who died for you ?" A fter spell of
whispering and spell of silence, a
''little nig,' about forty years old re-
piled tAbrum Lincun."
- A chap went to pork house to |
buy pork on credit. First he bargain
ed for lot of hogs ears next the Clerk |
seeming willing to trust, he be ught a |
hogs head /; then growing bold he said |
81 believe l'll take that ham," mo |
you WON'T" replied the clerk "you're |
head and ears in. debt now" -
- A fellow. on being asked to
write testimonial for a patent clothes
wringer, produced tie following 81
am immensely pleased withit-I bought
a load of wood which proved to be green
and unfit to burn. run the whole load
through your clothes wringer, and | |
have used the wood for kindling ever
since"
. ---A Western paper says that the
editor of rival sheet was skating re-
Gently, and accidentally broke through
tho ice. He went in up to his ears, but
the hole was not large enough to let
him through. While he was waiting
for some one 70 take him oat, his ears
were frozen, and they have since been
and are used for door-mats.
- little girl, showing her little
cousin, about four years old, star in
the armament one clear night said
"That star you see up there is big
ger than this world"
: s'No it amt" said he.
ayes, it is"
"Then, why don't 1t keep the rain
of ?" F Hn fHE
"A little boy about six years old,
and little girl about four, had been
cautioned not to take away tIfe nest .
egg; but one morning when they went
for the eggs, the little girl took 1t and
started for the house. Her disappoint-
ID brother followed crying "Moth-
,r, mother Susey's been and got the
Egg the old hen measured by"
"Von nigh. dc oder day, ven 1 vas
,een wake in my slheep, hears SOM
ings vat thinks vas not jus right i'm {
ny barn, und ust out shumps TO bed,
md run nit to barn out, und ven l vas
Iere COON sees dat my big gray iron
mare, he vas been tied luse and runs
nit the stable off, and every who vii :
i'm back bring | ust so much pay him
S vot bin customary" aHEf =
- 1t is sign of storm to tread on b
nv ones toes that has corns. v
1t is a sign of storm, if you waken
he baby on wash day.
1t is a sign of a storm, to call baby I
gly in presence of its mother. y
1t is sign of storm, to sta t a yarn
bout your neighbor at an ale house,
nd some one runs and tells. Y
1t is sign of a storm, to spit on the
lrlor carpet and your wife sees it. DC
1t is sign of q storm, to speak i'll of :
)ur wife's relations. I L
1t IS n sign of a storm, to tell your =,
life she looks horrid in that new BON on on
It.
- huge Indianian in England :
ing profusedly thanked for having T.
scued young lady from the attack -
a ferocious dog, which he seized by irq
e throat and throttled, said, "Of -
i 1