Delaware tribune. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1867-1877, 1868-10-15
[orieinal.l
HOW I FAILED.
By NJ. j. BITTLE.


My name is Marguerite Fortescue. Pretty |
name, isn't it, The girls at school used to |
call me "Forty Screws" which was awfully
provoking. Nobody calls me Marguerite,
either Every one suits themselves, but
generally people call me Madge. That
doesn't sound very well, but if they would
ust call me by my name 'twould be grand.
Tis such noble name, you know.
l intended once to be heroine-the kind
you read about in romance. Nice; but then
I've given it up. I'll tell you all about 1t.
had read good many novels when ! was
quite a child, and I thought that when ]
grew up I would like to be like that dear
"Amanda Mellvina Fitzillen," or that lovely
Julietta Regina st. Mowbray. l Intended
| to, but didn't Heroines do such strange
things; positively wonderful Some of these
things knew, in the beginning, that / never
could do, and SO never tried. These hero
ines are always beautiful. am not; that
was bad to start with, you sec. Yes they are
always beautiful, and beautiful alwass,-
crying, angry, torn clothes or tumbled hair
no matter: beautiful forever!
Now about the crying and looking pretty;
that is one of the things never tried. To
cry always makes my eyes red and swollen,
chokes my voice, and makes me look horrid.
Catch me appearing before my lover, GfI
had one, just after I'd been crying. Not I.
| Then they can do all sorts of work in a
white muslin dress and keep it spotless.
They can climb mountains, and take long
walks over dewy grass, and that dress never
varies. can't. My dresses will get dirty,
and tear, and when they do 1 don't look
graceful at all, and no one ever told me I
did. Those things never tried. knew I
couldn't.
Then some heroines are 'sgreat" on horses.
l am not. To tell the truth, am afraid of
horse. never tried to ride one but once,
and then rolled off into my brothers arms
as quick as could. So you see all that
about splendid horse-woman," "graceful
rider" and all the other pretty things On
that head were not for me. Then about
driving. Well can drive a horse, If he is
old, and little lame and s'don't shy nor any,
thing, you know" But I'm little afraid,
even then. And as to riding, and letting
some one else drive, unless he is an .fuit in
his profession, it makes me nervous. do
know one gentleman who "drives like Jc-
hu," and shandles the ribbons" splendidly,
that I'm "not bit" afraid to ride with.
{ With every one else quake in my shoes all
the time. So can't do the heroic on that.
Then heroines are SO fortunate! Young
lady passes a great mansion, big dog rushes
i out, young lady faints, gentleman comes out
J carries her in, bathes her beautiful face, and
and-they are married, after while. Now
, couldn't. II a big dog scares me, / stant
t it as long as possible, aud then l run just a
e fast as can, and scream just as loud as
! can, which is more expressive, but does'n
: give the young gentleman any chance at all
But can't help IL. never tainted in IN.
n life, and ifI was afraid of the dog, you ma.
!. be sure wouldn't faint just when he coul'
get me, and eat me up, if he wanted to.
I, Then they have such charming accident
!, happen. They tumble over precipices, AM
y down embankmtnts, and get thrown off o
|
!. But it don't hurt them. They just scream
! and faint (Which ever's their style) and Gus
!. tavus Adolphus St. Clairis right on the spot
n and carries them off, "with lace handkei
is chief bound around slight bruise" on thei
e temple. can't do that l got upset once
!. III carriage, with splendid fellow. But
Is dear me- didn't make a sensation at al
1t He asked me if was hurt and / said, no.
e and scrambled out quietly. He didn't ca
> me an angel, nor tear his hair out by th
roots, nor any thing of the kind. couldn
+ ask him to bind a handkerchief around m
head for there wasn't bruise about me, e'
cept an apple that had in my pocket, an
II that was mashed Twas real common
s. place affair; nothing heroic about it. Imis
es ed that chance How wish I'd screame'
e Ve or fainted-but you see it isn't my style;
ic can't do it.
In Then heroines get into RACES, particular
I'd with their lovers; and then they look sple
III did. l don't. When l am angry, my Iii
i pout, and my eyes look black and defan
+ and look hatefui-just az I feel. But
|
az ~ for never can can stay angry at any one
love, more than five minutes. Can't do
&c always go creeping back, and say 81 que
ne l was wrong, won't you make 1t up?'
aa m | had to quit that sort of thing, too.
ed Then l can't "be dignified.' Their
ID. nothing regal and queenly about me.
good friend of mine once advised me +"
be dignlfied" Well tried, and he ask
~ me what made ms $50 cross" Just thi
I'M of it. tried again, some time after, AM
is saw an old school-ma:e of mine watchi
ito me, and laughing. "Tom," said I, (wi
d 'ds dignity, of course,) ''what are you laue
as ing at ?" SAT you putting on airs; It's
,as funny Think I'd try after that No;
Inc cant be done Old gentlemen pat me
,,,, 10 the head and call me "dear child" old
he dies call me "sissy," and even middle-ae
lis gentlemen call me "daughter." Aim
au- every one has some "pet name" for me.
no NO like it; enjoy it; it suits me. But
couldn't be heroine and do so, you 81
don't you?
,iet Last of all get old Heroines never
,.ls or if they do, it improves their appearan
on. Doesn't improve mine. A gentleman t
the me last summer that hadn't changed |
9e since was sixteen. l won't tell you b
be long ago that was, but know he fibbed
and know I've changed.
the I've given up! | lam just myself; tha
WIN as much as / can be. All the world 81
: in some. But l am not heroine, and ne
lila shall be. Bright dreams, goodbye! Shs
of Amanda Mellvina Fitzillen, adieu!
,;ec hair-breadth escapes no gallant rescue
last no unfading beauty; no thrilling advent
heir for me. From that ideal region have
ere, scended. Lower down lies the patl
eds Marguerite.
re- "A Virginian has invented a peanut
that er.
'ked Musicians, pedlars, and beggars are
en- longer allowed to exercise their vocation
six board ferry boats in New York.
nj IL n nno