Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-09-22
Clippings.


Put two bellies together and they rarely chime.
Stocks that are always up-those around the
neck rr~r
Aquatic sports-milkmen racing their horses
through the streets.
A tired oysterman discouragingly says that
life is mere drodgery.
Motto for tallow chandler-''To Greece we
give our shining blades. y
Beautiful extract-helping handsome young
lady out Of mudhole.
A Lowell man thinks that dog days and cat
nights come together this year.
Mosquitoes never trust-they invariable pre-
sent their bills in advance.
Some men nobly serve their country by dying
upon the battle field. Others can serve it by
dying anywhere.
Two thin shoes make one cold-two colds one
attack OF bronchitis-two attacks Of bronchitis
one mahogany coffin.
Mr. Persimmons regards with concern the in
crease of the cattle plague, and sympatheticaly
wonders if his wife will escape it.
Mrs. Peppercorn don't like the rule of three.
Her triplets have consigned her to a servitude
which she characterizes as awful
Too true, alas-vain and vapid young ladies
are, it is to be feared, much less influenced by
Gems of Thought" than by Thought of
Gems"
Westchester has a fathomless pond that ex-
tends to China At least they found drown
ed Chinaman there one morning, with box of
Jersey segars under his arm.
When the young man is about to settle down
as the husband of one wife, he should resolve
never to make her jealous with his wild Sallies
and his gay Ann Ticks. l..a
The Grecian bend is made to cover about ev-
cry attitude and movement that can be named
1t includes the stagger of tpsy Ounce, the
wobble OF graceesS cook, the aWkWardneSs of
lubbcry out, and the mincing, wriggling gait
and inclination of the elastic Miss just budding
into womanhood
A Saratoga correspondent, writing of the
fashions there, says, among other things, that
some women dress to please each other some
to please men, or rather one man, for as gen.
eral thing they despise men opinions on MILL
merry. But the most dressy women don't dress
TO please anybody-they dress to worry other
women.
Daddy said young hopeful, ''lets 90 up
to the tenpin alley and roll u
Roll boy, what do you know about rolling
at tenpins
Me know about rong?' Why [ can roll
your darned old eyes out in less than ten min
utes"
An old gentleman was relating a story of one
of the St. Lawrence boatmen:
He has hard head, said he, ''for he stood
under an oak In thunder storm, when the
the lightning struck the tree and he lodged it
seventeen times, when finding he could not
dodge it any longer, he stood and took nine
claps in succession on his head and never finch
ed"
An honest nam, not hundred miles from
Moscow, Va, after making off his amount of
Tobacco on hand for the use of the Revenue
Commissioner was POLITICALLY punched Hear
him:
Oh, how happy are they,
W no their taxes can pay,
And are living in peace with all men,
" no hope to have peace, when
Radicals cease,
But the Lord Almighty knows when
4 parson was picturing to an old sinner upon
his death-bed the glories that awaited him If
he would repent He promised him. among
other things, that he would soon be an angel.
Don't talk that way please, parson," said the
dying man; If there is anything have hor-
ror OF, tbs Of being an angel, sitting on damp
cloud, picking harp in the moonshine -
Jeokus says he has seen great deal about
railways carrying passengers through without
charge, and as he was little short" the 9th
er day, thought he would try it. The expert
ment resulted in his being put off in ditch
and he declares there's no believing anything
the papers say.
A suit was brought in Yuba county, Califor-
nla for the recovery of seventeen dollars won
by man holding four jacks. The court ''let
herself loose, by stating that while it would
punish the party holding the jacks, it had no
protection for the man who would be ''bluffed'' |
with four III his hand. That such man should
not only lose his seventeen dollar not" but
receive the jeers of every good poker player in
fuba county.
Il say, mister, did you see dog come by
here that looked as if he were year, or year
and half, or two years old ?'' said Yankee
to countryman at the roadside
Yes, said the countryman, thinking him
self qulzzed. He passed about an hour, or
an hour and halt, or two hours ago. and is
now mile, or mile and half or two miles
ahead and he had a tail about an inch or an
inch and a half or two inches long,
'That'l do,' said the Yankee; you're in
to me foot, or foot and half, or two feet 4"
4 Yankee preacher on predestinaton, spoke
as follows:
''Let us for arguments sake, grant that I,
the Rev. Elder Sprightly, am foreordained to
be drowned in the river at Smiths ferry, next
Thursday at twenty minutes after ten o'clock
and supposing | am free, moral, voluntary
agent, do you think am going to be drowned?
/ should rather guess not | should stay at
home, and you would never catch the Rev. Ell |