Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1868-11-12
PUBLIC LEDGER.
LARGEST CITY CIRCULATION.
Pact and raney-AaOedoto Of aArrick.


into stata of convulsion that not
another word of the piece could be heard.
A feRd in human form, M. FIR. Du.
cuing writing in aimee Nhlsfree about
Il Cub des Femmes a Ia Sale de Ia Re
doute, has found the true reason why
woman should not vote. They are not
human. He saws: Woman does not
live by her own life; she is either dsugh-
ter, sister, wife or neither. Consequently,
in the philosophical and moral sense Of
the word, she is DECEASED being; q
monster, scientifically speaking"
woman, in our hours Of ease.
What will you do with such betisef
"He who would thrive must rise at
FIVE" SO says the proverb. though
there is more rhyme than reason in it;
for il
He who would thrive must rise at Eve.
It must naturally follow,
He who would thrive more. must rise at four |;
aud it will ensue, as consequence, that
He who would still more thriving be.
Must leave his bed at turn ofthrec;
And who this latter would Guido.
viii rouse him at the stroke Of two.
And, by way of climax to it ell, it should
be held that
He who would never be outdone.
Must ever rise as soon rs one.
But the best Illustration would be,
He who would flourish best Of all.
Should never 20 to bed at all.
Once upon time, in one of the South
American republics, the Minister of War
requested the Minister of the Navy to
place the navy of the republic, consisting
of one schooner, at the disposal of the
troops, so that they might have trauspor-
tation to the seat Of war. The Minister
of the Navy sent a courier to where the
schooner was, with the necessary orders
The Lord High Admiral wrote back as
follows:
"Your Excellency; 1t is impossible.
You must be aware that this is a schooner
of sixty tons. There is not room for
three hundred men on her,"
The stern old salt in the navy Office
wrote back:
"Impossiblsl Nonsense Make room.
Heave the tons overheard and bring the
soldiers"
Any way TO get them there, so they got
them there, was all this brave old sea-
horse cared for.
Buckle, in his History of Civilizs-
ton" says that marriage does not depend
upon love, but upon the price of corn.
II is evident that children have long
known this, and have even measured
love as men measure corn, as appears
from their common expression love |
you two bushels and half" The sta
tistical lover does not now say, az be |
used to-: Amanda, ] love thee; but,
Amanda, provisions are cheap" There
is no telling what fine novels and plays a
man thoroughly imbued with this idea
might produce, and particularly would he
give us good songs. How imaginative
would be one like this:
The heart bowed down With price of beef.
To weakest hopes will cling.
With the melancholy refrain:
For beefsteak is the only friend:
That grief can call its ow-own.
A fine tenor might do wonderful exc
cutiou with this.
DR.. Davy says that the average tenn
perature of women is between ninety
seven and ninety seven and half de-
grees, and that of men is between ninety
nine and ninety-nine and a half degrees.
This is probably the reason why men, in
q love affair, have to do most Of the court
ing, as women are naturally colder than
men, and need the infusion of what fe-
male novelists call finale fire." As heat
is now considered only mode of motion,
so emotion must be considered only a
mode of heat, and love must be measured
with thermometer. DR.. Holmes says:
" Alien bloods develop strange currents
when they how near each other, with only
the film that separates lip and cheek be-
tween them" This is caused by an
average difference of two degrees of heat.
AS science advances the world becomes
lie So and less fit to live in. Christians and
C abbages, truths and turnips, love and
lollylops, are measured with the same mea-
sHring rod. The world is no longer what
Hamlet thought it-a temple-but an an
alytical chemists laboratory, filed with
the putrid remains of dissected beautiful
thisgs. May the devil fly away with
science-one song of Heines is worth it
all. This is said not to philosophers, but
to men whose average temperature is be-
tween ninety nine and ninety nine and
a half degrees.
Bishops are not generally Of jocose
character; the usual qualities tend in
other directions. Perhaps this is the
reason that when they try to be witty
they are not always fortunate. One OF
the most inveterate punsters of this class
aud degree of success is DR.. Gregg, the
Bishop of Cork. One of his jokes has
the globe as an evidence Of
episcopal keenness, delicacy and
pathological knowledge. 1t was when
" punning shall we call it soon the
meaning Of ]. f. Maguire's name, that
he called him q son Of b." Another
nearly as good, and lsveled also at a
political opponent, was got off" re-
Gently in Dublin. Leciuring to a num-
Der Of young men on what they might
seein their city, he spoke of sermons
from stones" and then told them that
there was one stone from which they
could never hear anything good, and that
was from Gladstone. One hardly kRows
which to wonder at most, the stupidity
Of the joke. or the ingenuity with which
IL was introduced in q lecture from which
its absence would never be felt Perhaps
there is some excuse for the old man in
the fact which be announced, that the
SHOWS Of seventy winters are on bis head.
But neither age nor the episcopacy ex-
cuses license 10 Deedlessly insulting po-
litical opponents or want Of point in
jokes.
Englisbmen sometimes glorify roast
beef and plum pudding at The expense Of
BY saying the French Ian
gBage has no word for :" comfort" and
have heen obliged to take the English
word. The heavy English. however, has
no word eQuivalentto the French nairefe.
which makes the two languages at quits
at least This weary round Of life fur
nishes q more amusing spectacle than 40