The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1868-03-14
Bu0get Of Fnn.

0uuytt VI III I'LL.
The artists State--Pencil-vania -
Domestic Standardization a ssu
Good place for picnics-Sandwich
An explainer-A retired carpenter. .,...
Motto for the married despair
Dying prayer for dos-Guide my bark.
A modern nightcap-Hot gin and water.
An alarming feature-a lannon's mouth.
Clara Louisa Kellogg is at Nice-She is the
belle of all tie Nice people.
How to make tall man "short." Borrow Of
him. ....-..st ..s. .
A great aid to the temperance cause-Lemon.
ade. .....
eight business-trade in candles and kerr
osene.
What lady's name is spelt backward and for
ward the same Eve
What class of women are most apt TO give
tone to men: The bellies.
Why is galvanic battery like murder2 Be.
cause it is a shocking affair.
Change for the werse-A fellow who has been
complained for lying around loose, concluded to
60 about drunk.
A young man who is desperately in love, says
that he has been electrified with a 6AL-vanc
battery.
Niggleby agrees with the popular saw that
charity begins at home, and he keeps it there.
A girl with ringing laugh" caused an alarm
of fire in Peoria. They took her for BELLE
Csnt-sation--A Boston church took up a heavy
collection last Sunday-three thousand pennies
One Of the Jenkenses writing of reject hop
at Saratoga, says: "a very pretty girl passed
by US, leaning on the arm Of a gentleman who
was dressed simply in Swiss muslin and pink
sash That gentleman must have been the ''cool
ofthe evening"
a tender hearted father, swearing the peace
against his three sons, thus concluded: 1.-THE
only one Of my children who shows me any real
flial affection is my youngest son Ichabod, for he
never strikes me when I'm down"
Why is an leir-apparent to a throne like an
umbrella in dry weather? Because he's ready
for the next reign.
Is it not dernonstrable that the gypsies derive
their origin from Egypt, because they are low
cussod locust brood
Paper. with his son, were hanged in Alabama
recently.
"Mrs Jenking,' said little neighbor girl to
that lady, "'nsther says you'll obleege her with
a stick Of wood, fill this crute with vinegar, put
q little dap Of soft-soap in this pan, and please
not let your old turkey roost on our fence no
more
\ little boy in New Bedford, Mass, in giving
/. L II
said: The Lord made gardener, and put him
in the garden TO take care OF it, and to see that
nobody hurt anything, or posted any bills on
tress"
witness sooke of q particular person as hav.
ing seen him partially clad" "Was he not quite
nude y asked the examining council. no"
replied the witness. she wore pair OF spec
tacles."
'GIaye you heard how old Mrs. Barnhart is 2"
asked a lady q her son, abiding TO an old lady
who bad beer i'll for some time. NO replied
the young rogue, but | should say about sew.
enty four"
4 young man once told DR.. Bethune that he
had enlisted N the army Of Zion. an which
Church, asked the Doctor "In the Baptist"
was the reply 81 should call that joining the
navy, was Tie doctors response.
fren"hInci having heard the phrase i've
got other fish . fry" very readily learned its ap-
pGcation, On. evening after escorting n lady
home and being invited 10 walk in, he thought
of the above expression, and excused himself by
saying, 81 tauS You, mum; l must go cook some
fish"
At the sitting OF the Special" Grand Jury
recently, the Gse Of a woman charged with the
''larcenas' tsslng of things "the property of
another" was ignored, and the prisoner discharg-
ed Whereupn one IF the grand inquisitors
took umbrage, and declared the inquest wrong
"for his part, 10 could see no difference between
man and woman, and lie didn't think there
should be any
story is old OF an old lady who sent her
husband to tn barn to search for eggs he went
succeeded in inding a few, and when returning
fell and hrolS his neck. A little girl passing
by saw the mshap and ran TO tell the forlorn
widow the news. 80 Lordy,' said she, ~ won.
der whether tie darn old fool saved the eggs"
How to wnnow corn: First methed-get
some corn. Get somebody who knows how to
winnow it. let him do it. Second method-if
you know how do it yourself.
nW+En 4 7 Tbo