The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1868-11-21

BY JOSH KILLINGS.

Ssails are kind Of anphibious oystsrs, born
on land. of reputable parents bat able tew live
for time under water Il cifsumstasces seem h
require it it. ...... y. ,, :.
design, firemans cap. sa, slsa + !
Thare il two kind Of snails, The hard she'll and
| the soft shell. The soft she'll resembles piece
of calls liver, cut rounding, and gifted with
| crawl.
This calm and innocent critter il of no moral
or phizikal power, net AZ we know ov, and if il
wasn't for the MYSTERIOUS knowledge ov Provi.
dence, "who doeth all things WELL" it would
make a foreordained Yankee sweat tew guess jist
what they was dedicated to. 1850,
In sum forrin parts they are ct for food, but it
would take CRATE deal ov pepper sass to lokate
them in mi stummuK and keep them thare.
The soft snail IL a slippery euss, free from
bones, and slo gated travelling about six inches
in cool day, and makes it his home WHARF things
are damp.
They are ov q sweet disposishun, and don't git
mad and tare up the msrning paper if things
don't happen to be jist SO.
They liv on what would otherwise be wasted,
which speaks well for the ekoasmy ov the snail.
The hard shell snail seldum leaves home, and
when they do, they don't lock up their house and
put the key under the door mat, but take their
house with them On their backs. Thsre is no
house bigg enuff for 2 snsils; the snails under.
stand this, and don't take ennyboddy tew board
with them and kick up muses..
Avl animals are sound on this Identical
goeser; they don't never bid house that they
kant fill.
Here end the natral snail
Angleworms are ov arth, arthly, and crawl for
living They liv in rich ground ground that
raj auu1a ros1 ~,
else, and where angleworms rejoice corn is sure
to be bully.
If yu want your angleworms ov emmy size you
manure your sle. There Amt nothing on arth
more miserable tew ponder over and weep about
than half-starved angleworm. Angleworms
are sure crop on good sile, and handy tew hoe,
for they plant and harvest thsmselfs. They
don't take up much room in the ground, and are
ez kind to children ez piece of red tape.
1t is sed by the naturalists that ngleworm
lie, rubbed on the rear ov the neck, will kure q
man ov the lies. l don't beleave this, unless it
kills tho man. Death il the only reliable heal
for Icing that has bin discovered yet.
When Icing gifts into a mans blood, the only
way to git it out is to drain him dry.
Angleworms are used as an artikle of diet to
ketch fish with; they are handy tew put onto a
hook, and handy to take oph, az anybody knows
who has straddled saw log and fished fof daise
all day long Sunday in mill pond.
Old fishermen alwus carry their worms in
their mouth.
Angleworms live in a round hole, which they
tit like gimblet, and are different from aul 9th
er creeps that know of, for they alwus back
into their holes
Here the natral anslew0Em ends.
Trestuds are the only tuds ov aul the tud fam.
ily who can kline a tree
How they do it IL an unfathomable mystery
almost equal tew the milk in the koksr nut.
Philosophers awl agree that the milk is put
into the koker nut, and then the hole IL neatly
plugged up, but who the fellow liz who duz It
the philosophers are honest snuff, for wonder,
tew admit they kant tell.
1 am glad there IL one man living who il
smart enuff tew beat the philosophers, for they
are alwus sticking their olfaktory into syery.
week, giving reasons for things that they don't
understand.
am afraid it will go hard with the philoso-
pliers on the day of Judgment
The treetud is both male and female, but not
both tew once; the female don't climb trees, for
Obvious reasons
When treetud is on tree they conform tew
the customs of the trees, looking rnd acting Just
like the tree. This shows good breeding, if
nothing more.
Trestuds are good stiddy singers, but they
hav rather more musk than melody, their voices
have been cultivated tew mulch; cultivashun
spilss melody for mo- simply respekt art, but
worship and weep with natur.
About awl that kan be said Of these insekts il,
that they are harmless parasites, whose chief
ambishun IL tew kline tree, and be mistaken
for part Of it.
Here naturally ends the trsetud