davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01
TtNKANN0CK WYOMING CO., Pa WEDNESDAY, JULY 1863 NO. A.
OUR SHORTER CATECHIsM.

What is the chief end of man To
love his country, bis kind, to vote the
Democratic ticket.
Whist is the CHEF end of the Radical
party :? The black end.
Who was the first man Adam. 1
Who was the first Radical? The devil
Who was the meekest man? Moses.
Who was the meanest man /? Governor
! Browlow.
Who was the most patient man Job.
Who initiate linn The people of the
South.
With what did David slay Goliah A
Sling.
What is Slowing our Rump Congressman !?
Gin Sings.
Who kept back part which belonged to
others Annias and Sapphira.
Who kept back all =? Army contractors
Of the shoddy kind.
Who stole the golden wedge? Achan.
Who stole the golden spoons Beast
Butler;--selah
Who loved Criah's wife because she was
white and pretty David.
Who loved Dinah Brown because she
was black and ugly Thaddeus Stevens
Who was struck dead for telling lies >
Annanias and Sapphira.
Who is in danger of similar visitation,
generally. Grant.
Who permitted innocent blood to be
shed ? Pontus Pilot
Who did likewise Stanton, Bingham
and Holt.
Who crucifed the Savior of the world !?
The Jews.
Who crucifed civel liberty? The Rad
Gals.
Who were destroyed for their wicked
practices? The antedeluvians.
Who deserves the same fate The Jaco-
bin leaders of the Radical party.
Who destroyed the temple at Jeruselem?
Nebuzarden.
Who bestowed the temple of freedom at
Washington? The Radicals. ...
Who repaired the temple at Jerusalem?
Cyrus the Persian.
Who will repair the temple Of freedom
at Washington =? The Democratic party.
Why do the Radicals love the negroes
Dtctu>C lldulCdl lbotluSlo anu OhI
stincts harmouize.
Who was cast in the den oflions ?-Dan-
ieI
Who ought to ''follow suit!" The abol-
ition party that broke up the Union.
Who sucked wolf ? Rumulus and Re-
mus.
Who sucked the life-blood of the Ma
ton? Radical vampires.
What did Romulus and Renu found ?
The seven-hlled city Of Rome.
What did the Radlcal party found !? A
military despotism -selah.
What word did the Jacobins of France
use TO cover up their revolutionary designs'
Liberty.
What word did the Jacobins of America
use to deceive the people and to conceal
their wicked practices? Loyalty.
What became of the French Jacobins
They expiated their crimes on the scaffold
and on the block.
What will become of the American
Jacobins? They will be sent to Dry Tor
tugas.
Why was Noah chosen commander of
the ark? Because he was Democrat.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01
DEAD ALL AROUND.

A correspondent of New York pa
per, who went 10 Chicago to attend the
late convention, gives the following as
among the first incidents of bis arrival:
Some delegations have arrived.
spoke to one of the delegates from
Iowa.
"How is Grimes 2" says1.
"Grimes is dead, says he.
Then | met a delegate from Maine
and asked him if he had seen Fessenden
"Fessendcu is dead" says he.
The next delegate met was from Il
linois, so asked him how Trunbull was
getting on.
"TrumbuI is dead" says he.
A delegate from Missouri then came
along and spoke to him about Hender-
son.
" Henderson is dead," says he.
The next delegate saw was from Kan
sas, and | asked him ifhe had seen Ross.
Ross is dead. says he.
Then went up to delegate from Ten
nessee and mentioned Fowler.
Fowler is dead" says he.
A delegate from Virginia came in and
/ inquired forVan Winkle.
Van Winkle is Dead " says be
was getting tired of this, so | asked the
next delegate that came in how was the
party.
And he said he thought the party was
dead too.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01
LAGER BEER.

I hav finally cum tew the conclusion
that lager beer as beverage is not in
toXicatlng.
/ bav bin told so by gemmen who sed
he he'd drunk it awl mite long. Just to try
the experiment, and was obliged to go
home entirely sober in the morning. |
! hav seen this same man drink sixteen
! glasses, and if he was drunk he was drunk
in Getman, and nobody could understand
it. 1t is proper enutft to state that this
man kept lager beer saloon, and could
hav no object in stating what was not
| strictly thus.
| believed him tew the full extent ov
my ability. | never drunk but three
glasses ov lager beer in my life, and that
made mi he'd outwist AS tho it was hung
on the end ov a string but was told it
was own TO mi bile being out ov place !;
and guess it was so, for never biled over
wuss than did when got hum that mite
My wife thot that was going tcw die, and
and was afraid that shouldn't, for it did
seem as tho everything had ever eaten
in mi life wuz cummun to the surface, and
i. do believe that if my wife hadn't pulled
off mi boots jest as she did. they wod hsv
cum thunderin up too.
O! how sick wuz If years ago and
can taste it now.
never had so much experience in SO
short a time.
If emmy man should tell me that lager
beer wuz intoxicating, shud believe him
but if he should tell me that was not
drunk that mite, but that mi stummuck
was out of order, i shall ask him to state
in few words, just how a man felt and
acted when he was well set up, ..
Ifi wasn't drunk that mite had some ov
the most natural simptums that a man ever
had, and kept sober.
In the first place it was about so rods
from whc re drank the lager beer to mi
house. and was over hours on the road
ard bad hole bustid thru each one ov mi
pantaloon neez and didn't hav any bat,
and tried to open the door 10y the bell pull,
and hickupped awfuIly, and saw every
thing in the room trying TO get on the
back SD, of me; aud in sittin down in a
chair dldnt wait long enuff for it to ex-
ac!Iy git under me when it was going a
round, and set down little too soon and
missed the chair about II inches, and
couldn't Git up soon rnutf to take the next
one that cum along and that amt awl
nv wife said was as drunk as bees,,
and as said before begun to spin up
things freely.
If lager beer is not intoxicating, it used
me almighty mean, that know.
Sill, hardly think lager beer is intox-
icating, for hav bin tod so and am
probably the only man living who ever
drank emmy when his life was not plumb.
| don't want tew say anything agin a
harmless temperance bevrid-e, but if
ever drink any more, it will be with my
hands tied behind me, and mouth prie d
open.
l don t think lager beer is intoxicating
but if remember right, think it tastes
20 me like glass of soap snds, that a
pickle had bin put tew soak in.-JOsh
Billings.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01
A STRANGE ROMANCE.

We copy the following from a recent
letter of "Evehn, the New Orleans cor
respondent of the Mobile Sunday Times:
have before said that the romances 10
real life are more common than people
suppose, and have remarked that few no
tice romanccs and plots unless set ont and
adorned by the skill of romance writer.
A plot for novel, or a study for story,
has recently come under my own observa-
tion, Something like two years ago, young
M--, the son of one of the wealthlest
men in Louisiana, fell deeply in love with
a young lady ot a neighboring parish. His
love was returned with warmth, and they
were engaged. But an obstacle came in
their way Ms father opposed the
match. For some time he kept this a Sc
cret from his .fancee, and meanwhile she
was making preparations for the marriage.
She was an orphan, but had been left
small property, which, valued before the
war, brought her little over $4,000. This
she expended upon her trosseau, feeling
that as her intended husband was rich, she
had no necessity for saving, and that she
should make her appearance worthy OF
station. As the time drew near when
they were to be united, NJ seemed
to change towards her, an grew cool and
serious. I'm vain she tried, -ith all the
arts which love could suggest; to learn the
secret of the change, but he did not con-
file 10 her and she could only wait and
wonder. AT last the time fixed for the
inrun1
u make confession. He said that his
father forbade the match, that he had sup
posed an heiress when he engaged himself
to her, and now he could not marry her
against lis fathers will. The shock which
this gave the girl can be imagined. Nat
urally one will say that she shOuid have de-
spiscd him, and felt herself fortunate inma
king her escape; but, on the contrary, it
was then only that she felt how much she
loved him She had herself without reserve,
and, so far as she was concerned, she was
his f rever. For the next year and half
she was in a convent, entirely excluded
from the world; but some two months ago
she was persuaded to come to this city, and
remain here for some two or three weeks.
One day she received letter which seemed
to disturb her, and on going TO her room
later, friend found her, on her knees,
praying for the man who had deserted he'
He was very sick in the country, and
begged her to come to him. On that very
day Ms father died, and the funer-
al notice was handed to her as she stepped
into the carriage to 90 to the cars. For
week nothing was heard from her, but
soon we got the finale of the romance.
The girl had gone Immediately to- Ms
bedside, and found him, very i'll, attended
bv his two sisters. He tod her that he
was dying, and, now that his father was
gone, wished to make her his wife. They
were married. A will WAS made by him
giving her one half of his large fortune, the
other half to his Two sisters, and the next
day he followed his father from the earth
Contrary to the advice of her friends, the
young maiden-widow announces her inten-
ton OF retiring to the convent for life.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01
HIS SPEECH.

Grant made the following speech on being
visited by the committee appointed to inform
him of bis nomination a#- s-a
"You'd scarce expect one Of my age $3.50
To speak in public on the stage.
And if chance to fall below
Charles Sumner and Galusha Grow,
Don't view ne,with Ben Buffers eye
But pass my imperfections by, .
From Marshal's pups great dogs do blow
From little colts great horses grow.
As you'll agree it is two lato
For me to try to cultivate SEQ
The art of speaking. Therefore 7sssa
Will let the lit tie job 60 by. . #.ld
I'll only say that I'll fulfill, af
Whatever you my friends may will s
And it is now my full intent
I'll am chosen President
To so discharge official duty,
That every act, my friends, will suit you.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01
AN EXPERT DRUAIMER.-A correspon-

AN EXPERT DRUMMER.-A correspon-
dent writes:
A very curious performance presented
for the amusement of the people OF Berlin,
Prussia, is the drum concert Of the cele-
brated drummer, Mr. julius Weiffonbach,
on sixteen drums, with forty eight drum
sticks. Sixteen drums are placed on iron
supporters, in two rows. Those at both
ends are placed little higher, so that the
double row Of drums forms an arch. The
artist shows first his skill on single drum
aud never suspected so 'muca music in
that single instruments The orchestra
commences then to accompany Mr.. Welt
fonbach's play on the sixteen drums. To
describe 1t is quite impossible The art
tist seems almost frantic, and his move
ments would honor an acrobat. Without
interruptlRg the tune for a single mo-
ment, he throws his drum sticks about in
all directions, catching them again. In
the same manner he catches those thrown
to him by his attendants. Having con-
cluded this wonderful athletic musical per-
formance, the artist again shows his skill
on single drum, which he places on the
back of chair, catching drum-sticks with
still greater dextcrity than before. In
fact. the sticks are continually flying in
the air, so that you get quite dizzy with
looking at them.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

Ey A good wife is one who puts her hus-
band in at the side of, bed next to the wall,
and tucks him to keep him warm in the
winter; splits the wood, makes the fires in
the morning, washes her husbands face
and draws on his boots for him; never
scolds. never suffers rent to remain in her
husbands small clothes; keeps her shoes up
and her stockings darned; never wonders
what her husband sees interesting in the
woman who lives across the,way and always
reproves the children when they eat their
fathers supper.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01
.wA correspondent from Florida Graves

ryA correspondent from Florida Graves
hearing:
/ think the Northern taxpayers. who
make their living by honest tor should
know that for two months the Government
has been distributing free rations to the
negroes in this State. In Leon County,
where the negroes registered about 1900
voters (2,666) some $4,000 rations were
issued last month alone. Do you give
free rations to the laborers Of the North!
No; but the saints, tax 'em on eve
rytbing they eat and wear, and then tax
'em again, to feed the gemmem, this new
aristocracy ofthe South.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

The "gentle Anna" Dickinson has
spoken her piece in Elmira N. Y, and
handled Grant and his hackers unmerci-
fully. She says: "'You want to cover
up the negro with Grant" Rather a
thin covering the late elections show that
to be, 1t might do for " dog days. but
is decidedly out of time for any other
season. Anna also tells the MongreIs
that they are tying to hide their princi-
plies behind the smoke OF Grants cigar"
Again by nominating Grant you show
yourselves towards and potroons." If
the gentle creature keeps on telling such
ugly truths as these. poor Grant will be
smothcred in crinoline before the leaves
of autumn fall.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

A distinguished Southern lady, who il, the
wife of noted and extreme Radical, residing
in one of the Northern States, while engaged
in plucking the gray hairs from her busband's
moustache, was asked by him, "What are
you doing, my dear 2" "0nly carrying out
your own policy, sir; exterminating the
whites for the benefit of the blacks,'' was
the witty reply.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

"Uncle JENNY said waggsh blade to
one of the best old men who ever lived OF
died. ''i'n told you are very fond Of apple
dump!ings." "Why," said the patriarch,
when lived in YlrginiaI liked them better
than anything in the world, and could eat
eighteen or pneteen at time but, some~
how, since came to Georgia, my appetite
has SO failed sae that can never eat mSre
than fourteen or fifteen before they begin to
clog upon my stomach.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

An Irish citizen in grief is asked BY q
friend what is the matter . @
matter, indade, Why here, insured my
brothers life only two wakes ago and yes
terday be got killed with derrick. And
whin came to tell those insurances they'd
be after making some mistake, the black
guards ,hryed to bribe me off with FIVE hun-
dred dollars-as if was haythen to sell
nv brothers blood"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

"Ma, what difference is there between o
little girl and a boy ~
"My dear, little boys wear pantaloons and
girls wear dresses.n
sand did come into the world all dress-
ed z" @aEh
mo, darling" sssfsa
"Then, Ma. how did you know was a lit
tie girl 2"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01
@ A German applied to Judge S.

g A German applied to Judge s.
to be relieved from sitting as ajuryman.
"What is your excused" asked the
Judge.
a can't speak English" he replied.
Yon have nothing to do with speak
ing" said the Judge.
" But can't understand good English y
"Thats no excuse" said his honor !;
I am sureyou are not likely to hear good
English at this barr
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01
Wise ann pttsrmise.

"Nigger, who am de first man dat in ter
duced salt pervishaDc into the navy f'--
"Dar, now, yoo's too hard for dis c6lored in
dividual," at was Noah, niger, when be
took Ham board his ark" sEA
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

They have curious railroads "down East"
A passenger on the Grand Trunk railroad,
from Lewiston to Portland, for refusing to
pay fare, philosophically footed it the rest of
the way, and when the train reached PORT
land, the cond ucror was astonshed to fna
him seated on the platform. waiting for hla
baggage. .r.l..
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

The Ash in Lake Moilychunkemunk, Me-,
are said to be superior to those of either
Lake Woleyksebaccck or Moosetoekmegantic.
Those of Lake ChaubpRgogungamaug were
very fine. but they all got ehoked to death in
trying to tell where.they lived.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

care you near sighted, Miss ?"lsaid an i'm
pudens fellow to young lady who did not
choose TO notice him. eyes; at this dis
tance can hardly tell whether you are
pig or puppy"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

| am afriad, sir, you have settled melan4
choly," said a Iandlady TO miserable lodger.
"No madame be replied, "my melancholy
won't settle; like your coffee, it has toe
much grounds" - ....s,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

Why is a young man successfully courting
young lady like brave army before well
fortified enemy2 a ss
Because he gets along very quietly until
an engagement takes place, when they open
up with blunder buses, followed by small
arms with which they press hard upon the
breastworks.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

Aunt Susan, about seventy years of age,
is "unanimous" on man. She says: 'If all
the men were taken off, she'd make arrange
mems for her funeral forthwith" She also
says Suppose all the men were in ona
country, and all the women in another, With
a big river between them. Good gracious
what lots of poor women would be drown
eds
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

An Indian applied to an agent in Iowa
for four quarts of whisky, to be used as an
antidote to save the life Of young war
rior who had been bitten by rattlesnake.
The agent demurred at the quantity
Four quarts snake very big,' was the
response.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

'Do You say your prayers regularly
every night and morning." asked sym
pathetic lady of little boot black. to
whom she had just given trife. g al'us
sez 'em at night, mum; but any smart
boy can take care of hisself in the day.
time, WAS the little rogue's reply.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

am no more surprised that some re-
veaed truths should amaze my under
standing, than that the blazing sun should
dazzle my eyes.-Harrey.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

"Nancy," SAID girl to her companion,
"which railroad train do you like the best 2
THAT one," replied Nancy, "shich furnish
es a spark catcher -
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

" Fire your guns, 3" said poor laboring
man in Detroit, while the Radicals were
ratlfying Grants nomination, "you can't
fool me any longer Ivoted your ticket
until it took So, to buy what | used to
get for seventy five cents and now think it s
about time for change
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01
Wyoming Qemutrat

A nam0craur weekly
Vaper devoted to PolI
tic. News, the Arts
s.d Sciences &c. PUB
lishei every We lnes-
say. At Tunkhanuock
wyoming County Pa
BY HAhVEY SEEKER
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

Terms-l cory year, (n advancel $500; if
rot Tagd within six months, s2.5t will be charged
NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar
rsarIsesro pli unless at the option of publisher.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

A sweet luuacy-ths honsym moon.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

The ab,ve articles will be kept in full assortment
mean to make the experiment Of goods sold IN
quantities cheaper than tefore in this vicinity,
shall be happy to see you and ycu can depend up
on finding Bargains in every department. Goods re-
ceved every week.
Respectfully yours,
{. 1E2R/cR.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-07-01

nR. L. T. BURNS has permanently located in
- TunkhsnnoeE Borough and respectfully tenders
hj, professional services its citizens.
rfice on second floor, formerly occupied by DR..
djma1
y6u3Gtf
The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1868-05-19
Foreign Items.
question.

LONDON, May 14.-Queen Victoria laid the
cornerstone of the Thomas Hospital, to day.
The Corporation of London have adopted resolu-
tions of coincidence with Prince Alfred, on ac-
count of his wound ---....-.--.--.
In the Commons, Gladstone moved a bill, stop
ping appointments in the Irish Church and sus-
pending the action of the Irish Church Commits
sion for limited period.
Mr. Minister Adams has taken formal leave of
the Queen. He leaves the Legation in the hands
of MIR Moran
The Sultan of Turkey, in addressing the new
Council said the time had come when Turkish
manners must yield to European civilization.
France has suddenly broken off all diplomatic
relations with the Government of Tunis. The
reason alleged is the repeated preparation of out
RACES French citizens resident in that country.
A GREAT IRoN-CLAD.-One of the largest
and strongest iron-clads ever built in England
for foreign government was successfully launch
ed ON the 18th ultimo. She was originally
built for the Turkish government, but was sub
sequently purchased by the Prussian government,
to whom she now belongs. She is six thousand
tons, and built to carry no less than twenty-six
three hundred Founders all made of Krupp's
hammered STEEL and all capable of being fred
with seventy-fve pound charges as often as twice
minute. She is expected to go at the rate OF
from thirteen to fourteen knots per hour.