The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-12-25
. Tex-tile fabrics-Sermons.

Nit am Dumnr.
- TEXTILE fabrics-Sermons.
Well 'posted'-the telegraph.
- Good hay weather-when it
rains pitchforks.
Old Maids-embers from which
the sparks have fled.
The latest song out-We won't
60 home ill moraing.
The man who was filed with
emotion hadn't room for his dinner.
- Circumstances alter eases-par-
ticularly reduced circumstances.
a visit from the spirit world,
seen by many ladies-Their late hus.
bands.
- You are disappointed when you
come home to dinner expecting to find
a warm leg of mutton and find only
cold shoulder.
= 1t isfunny to hear how the whole
household and visitors will talk to the
baby. A king in former times kept
one fool; every baby has dozen.
An indignant orator Mt meeting
u, Il.
Chairman, scorn the allegation and /
defy the alligator.
49, A little fellow was eating some
bread and milk, when he turned around
to his mother, and said, "Oh mother
am full. ofglory? There was sunbeam
lit on my spoon, and | swallowed it,"
81 am glad this coffee don't owe
me any thing" said shopkeeper to his
wife the other morning at breaKtast.-
"Why so, my dear ?" "Because don't
bclieve it would ever SETTLE"
-. '.They say cotton is decliling,''
exclaimed an old lady, as she removed
her spectacles and laid down her pl-
per. II thought So" she continued.
''ior the last thread used was very fee
ble."
- Sidney Smith said that certain
person was so fond of contradiction,
that he would throw up the window in
the middle of the night and contradict
the Waterman who was calling the
hour.
- A New York lady was asked to
join one of the divisions of the daugh-
t rs of temperance. ishe replied, "This
is unnecessary, as it is my intention to
few weeks"
tiff were so unlucky, as to have a
stupid son." said an officer, II would
certainly make him parson." A cler-
gyman who was in the company calm
ly replied, ''You think differently sir,
from your father"
- A wit being asked by a seedy po-
ct whether he thought he had ever writ
ten anything that would live, replied
before you trouble yourself on that
score, would advise youto write some.
thing that would let you live"
"Did understand you to say
that was lousy. sir
.sOh no, merely told my friend that
when it rained lice In Egg pit, Thought
you must have been walking about there
withou hat or umbrella-that' ALL"
- The editor who did not mind his
stops, introduced some verses thus -
"The poem published this week was
composed by an esteemed friend who
has been lying in his grave many years
for his own amusement"
An Irishmun describes meta
physics as follows /: "Two men are
talking together, and one of them is
trying to explain something he don't
know anything about, and the other
don't understand him.
a Jockey who incautiously burn
ed his finger, by taking up his toast
from the fire, and broke his plate by
letting it fall, observed that it was too
bad to lose the plate after having won
the heat.
- The last case of Incidence is re-
lated in New York journal =
1t Is that of man named John Hole,
who was so lazy that ia writing his
name he simply used the letter j., and
then punched a hole through the paper
for the other name.
-"Oh, Mary, my heart is breaking,
sure"
"Is it, indeed, Mr.. Closeft9 So
much the better for you"
"Why, my idol 2"
"Because when it is broken out and
out, you may sell the pieces for gun
f1lnts."
- '"Are you fond of Hogg's tales ?''
asked city lady of her country lover.
yves, like them roasted, with salt |
on them" was the response.
mo | mean have you read Hogg's |
tales ?"
"No, our Hogg's are all white or black |
| don't think there is red one among
them.
-"Dey had no buz'ness coax me
off,
Den cuss me kaze / come |
Dey used me longs dey wanted to, /
Den turn me loose from home.
AMI de Lor' had all de blacks /
In Hebin in his care,
Oars white men left just mean
enough
To coax us out o. dar.
"Where is your house ?'' asked
a traveller in the depths of one old SOL
emn wilderness, of the West. "House !?
[ hain't got no house," sWell, where
DO you five ?" II live in the woods,
sleep on the Government purchase, eat
raw bear and wild turkey, and drink
out OF the Mississippi. And he added.
1T is getting 100 thick with you folks
out here. You are the the second man
have seen this last month, and / hear
that there is a whole family come in
going to put out into the woods again.
- A man called upon a lawyer the
)ther day, and began to state his case
n rather an abrupt manner. "Sir, /
nave come to you for advice / am n
"a WHAT spoke out
he learned counsel. "Husband-in-la law,
ir, ] have never saw that defined in do
nestle relations" "Don'C you know
what II husband-in-law is? SIR, yeu
ire no lawyer, you are 40 ignoramus /!