The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-03-06
SNit mud Nnalsr,

- w nat Is tnat VIII keep IN any
climateS The secret of womans age.
ats mighty doubtful case, mister,
but they may" H T \
- No wonder that Weston is a
good walker. Itturns out that he used
to be collector for a newspaper. (.
- 1t is argued for short dresses
that they give plain girls a chance
What nature has denied the face she
often gives to the understanding.
-- 'sWhat are you doing with my
microscope George 2" 'sl've been sha-
wing father, and want to see If there
are any hairs in the lather."
- A chap was told to remember
Lots wife" replied that he had been
in trouble enough already abou. other
mems wives. hi
- A man in st. Louis drinks so
much whiskey that several mosquitoes
who had bitten him, died ofthe delirum
tremens. $50 u4fe. n
-Aa-- A Waggish editor says that the
streets of one of our Western cities are
to be lighted with red -headed girls
That will be bad--too many people
will be found hugging the lamp posts.
- A man who'll maliciously set
fire to barn, said Mr.. Slow, "and
burn up twenty cows, ought to be kick
ed to death by jack ass and would
like to do it,"
- The arm of pretty girl wound
tight around your neck has been dis
covered to be AN infallible remedy for
sore throat. 1t beats pepper tea. all
hollow. tIl.
- A man who married a Jewess,
shortly after Joined the temperance So
ciety, and never dared kiss his wife
from that day, because he considered
himself prohibited by the pledge from
medling with Je,c-kps.
- "Steel your heart" said a con-
siderate father to his son, 'sfor you are
now geing among some fascinating
girls" es3
81 had much rather steal theirs"
ssid the unpromlsing young man.
- European professor has sue
ceeded in photographing the beating
ofa persons heart. What q neat thing
for an absent lover to send his adored
wonld-be carte of his palpitations on
gazing upon her portrait
- A profane exhibitor ofscriptural
paintings thus described to hoosier
audience Daniel in the Lions Den.
"Here is Daniel who don't care as
you see, a d-n for all the lions and
therefore the lions who don't equally,
care d-n for Daniel.'' 80 = 4
- ssCaptain what is the fare to St.
Louis 2"
ss1vhat part of the beat do you want
Togo in, cabin or deck Y77 "Hang your
caI;n,n said the gentleman from In
diana. 81 live in a cabin ut home, give
me the hest you have got"
- There is a man whose hair has
turned to bristles, in consequence of
his having purchased q pot of hogs
lard sold to him tor bears grease. If
such things are allowed. somebody may
take it in his head to sell goose grease
for the same purpose, and feathercd
heads become the fashion. fts
"A young girl who had become
tired ofsingle blessedness, wrote to her
true swain as follows "Deer Gin
cum rite of eft you air cumming at awl.
Ed Collins is insistin that | shall hsv
him and he hugs and kisses me kontin-
erly that can't hold out much longer
but will have 2 KAYE in" sa
:, -A Berkshire paper says that
fellow in that vicinity went counting
his girl on Monday evening, and wish
ing to be conversational, observed
srfhe thcrmomekron is twenty degrees
below zelon this evening. "Yes" in
nocently replied the maiden, ''such
kind of birds do fly higher some sea-
sons of the year than Others" -
rfA-aCan induce you to invest in a
lock s'' smilingly inquireda travelling
agent for an improved door fastening,
of a plain looking old maid whom he
encountered sweeping other front step.
s.You might sir, ''she replied with a
CHASTITY smile, cycling him carefully
for a few moments from head to foot,
ain wed lock !" m.-9
- A lady says tho first time she
was kissed she felt like tub of roses
swimming in honey, cologne, nutmeg,
and cranberries. She felt as if some
thing was running through her nerves
on feet Of diamonds; escorted by sever
angels, shaded by honey-suckles, and
"Who is he ?" said passer by to
policeman who was trying to raise an
intoxicated man who had fallen into
gutter
"Can't say SIR" replied the police
man che can't give any account of HIM
self"
ssOf course not," replied the other,
show can you expect an account from
man who has lost his balance p
- Two good natured Irishmen, on
one OCCASION, occupied the same bed
In the morning one of them in
uuired ofthe other "Dennis. did you
hear the thunder last night ?" mo,
Pat; did it really thunder last night?'
Eyes it Numbered as ifhiven and airth
would come together" "Why in the
diyil thtn didn't We wake me when We
know / can't sleep when it thunders."
- Irish citizen in griefis asked by
his friend what is the matter?
'sMatter indade. Why here, insur-
ed my brothers life only two wakes ago
and yesterday he got killed with der
rick. And whin / came to tell those
assurances they'd been after making
some mistake, the blaekguards thry to
bride me off wild the five hundred dol
lars--as if | was haythen to sell me
brothers blood"
- LII the days when camp-meetings
were more frequent in Indiana than
they are now, one was held in Il
One of the unregenerate whileson
his way to the ground, discovered
an old and very poor nag, all bones.
which he mounted and managed to ride
in to the encampment just as the wor-
shippers were assembling, and the prech4
er was reading his text : Shall these
drv bones live y
Our hero wag deliberately dismouns
ed, and, surveying his steed sang loud
enough to be heard by those in range
Of the prer4prs vUics;