Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1868-05-14
The First Babv.

BY the Rev. Mr.; 8. w. b. to @.
c., only daughter, etc. ''No Cards. ~
why didn't IL say no baby? have one
of theseinteresting animals atmy house.
1t came when it rained, dark as pitch
and my umbrella at the store, no cars
running. The Doctor lived five miles
due West, and the nurse six miles due
East, and when got home to my fami
ly, the condensed milk man was at the
next door. 1t is funny chip, that baby.
Solferino color, and the length of boil
ogna sausage. Cross ? / guess not. Um
um il commenced chasing me down
the pathway of life Just when muslin,
linen and white flannel were the highest
they have been since Adam built house
for Mrs. EYES chickens-doctors charg-
ed two dollars squint, four dollars
grunt, and on account of the scarcity of
rain in the country, take what is left in
q mans pocket, no discount for cash,
and send bill for balance, January 1st.--
A poor thing is that baby a speck of
nose like a wart head as bald as asquash,
and no place to hitch waterfall. A
mouth Just suited to come the gum
game and chew milk.-Oh crackee
you should hear her sing. g.-IIhave bump
ed 1t, stuffed my fur cap down its throat,
given it the smoothing iron to play with,
but that little red lump that looks as If
it couldn't hold blood enough to keep u
musqueto from fainting, persists in yell
ing like thunder. It shows q great de-
sire to swallow its fist and the other
day they dropped down its throat, and
all that prevented their going clear
through, was the crooks of its elbows.-
1t stopped its music, and l was happy
enc and q half minutes. 1t is q pleasant
thing to have baby in the house.
Think of the pleasure of father in
| dishabile, trembling in the midnight
hour, with his warm feet upon square
yard of oilcloth, dropping paregoric in a
spoon by moonlight -; somebody thump-
shouting "hurry,p and the baby yelling
| till the fresco drops from the ceiling. It's
a nice time to think ofdress coats, pants,
ties and white kids. Shades of departed
cocktails, what comforts, what picture
for an artist in plaster of Paris It's
mother says the darling is troubled with
wind on the stomach--it beats all the
wind Instruments you ever heard.
have to get up in the cold while the
milk warms-it uses the bottle. | have
a cradle with representation ofmarac-
ulOus soothing syrup bottle on the dash
board. / tried to stop its breath the
other night--it was no go; | rocked it SO
hard missed the stays, and sent it slap
clear across the room, upsettinga jar OF
preserves. 1t didn't make any noise
then, oh, no!
It's mother says only wait until 1t gets
bleached, dts been vaccinated, and old
enough to crawl around and feed on pins
Yes. I'm go ng to wait. Won't it. bt
delightful? ? John, run for the doctor,
sis has fallen in the slop pail, and il
choking with a potato skin; sis has
fallen down stairs sis has swallowed
the tack hammer; shows signs o.
mHmps, mum measles eroup,Whooplng cough
fantum, Oh some other darn thing tc
take all my money laid by for my win
ter's corn beef, and all this comes O
shampooning and curling my hair
wearing nice clothes, aud making my
wife fall in love and marry me.