The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-09-25
aIrif att6 Duttsap .

l. OOPlC NhO t0tNh az beAo"o
cobbler drinkers.
= When is grocer like highway
manP When he lies in weight.
"A popular summer haunt-Na-
liant.
"A mistake-to elope with the
wrong girl.
-A choolmistress-how neat she
spreads her whacks.
- People seldom improve when
they set up no other model than them
selves to copy after.
- Never owe a man more than you
are able to pay. allow no man TO owe
you more than you can lose.
There are two reasons why we
don't trust man, one, because we don't
know him and the other because We do.
- Where do all the pins go tor
Do they fall to the ground and lccome
terra-pins?
A very benevolent old lady has
taken the idea into her head to knit a
pair OF hose Tor tire-engine.
- Solomon advises the sluggard to
go to the ant; but the shiftless in our
day generally 90 to their "uncle."
---- What kind OF fruit has been a
blessing and curse to mankind? The
apple.
49, "There is something strange
about this as Grant said when Father
Mathew gave him glass of water.
A young woman was made the
happy mother of four children in Balti-
more the other day-a step-mothcr.
An honest farmer writes to an
agricultural society :-"Gentlemen, put
me down on your list of cattle for a
BULL"
- Mobile paper says of guitar
list at that city. that his playing would
give any well conducted saw-mill the
tootbache.
a Connecticut editor gives an
account of a man who blew out his
brains after bidding his wife goodbye
with shot gun.
"A real estate agent informs the
public "that he has beautiful cottage
Tor sale containing ten rooms and an
acre Of land"
- Fanny Fern having said the men
of the present day were rather fast.'-
Prentice replies "that they have to be
to catch the women"
l. TcUslCt says bfictb Vic hCkiO ~
the ballot is like a monkey with ra-
zor-in shaving himself he will cut his
own throat. He ought to be well lath-
cred first.
- Smithers says his wife has had
good run-ran OFT with Jackensnaps,
one of his neighbors. Smithers intends
to let her run. Thinks it the best let
ter in the alphabet-for him.
sSTc uottr father in 2O manfred
man of the little girl who admitted him
ais your name Bill ~ "Some people
call me So" "Then he's not home; Tor
heard him tell John, if any bill came
to say he's not at home."
A boarder looked very discon-
tentelly at the beef-steak, and the land
lady, having observed him, said =
"Don't the steak suit your" ayes, it's
good enough, what there is of it; and
there is enough of it, such as it is.
a Saratoga writer gets of this =
"You call that trunk, do you?" growls
a detected porter. at only needs
lightning rod to make iu look darned
sight more like clearinghouse than
what's to be found in Saratogy J"
a young lady advertised for a
dressing-maid. One applied, and In
ItSDOllSc W IL SiiO "sS 1e'S"f
she replied :-"Oh! so quick, that
will engage to dress you in = half an
hour" ssHalf an hour - reiterated the
lady;" and what shall | do the rest OF
lhe day?"
- A young ensign of regiment
stationed not far frem Manchester, re-
sides in lodgings the sitting room of
which was very small, was visited by
one of his fashionable friends, who on
taking leave said, "Well Charles how
long do yoH expect to remain in this
nutshell 2" to which he wittily replied
"Until become a Kernel.
A darkey farmer in the neighbor-
hood of St. Joseph was asked wha he
thought of railroads. He replied
.Foah God massa, 1 doesn't Ike 'em.
Ise been in dis country long time, but
we never had sich lots OBJ grasshoppers
before desc railroads wus built. My
corn am al, done been gone clear eat up
by 'em. Ise down on railroads.
- Among the gifts to a newly mar
ried pair recently, was u broom sent to
the lady accompanied by the following
sentiment
This trihing gift accept from me,
Its use should commend;
In sunshine use the brushy part,
In storms the other end.
Unsophistieated Boy-"Mama,
papa is getting very rich, isn't ne t;,,o,
Mamma-s'l don't know; why, child!'
Bov-"C ause he gives me so much
money, Almost every morning after
breakfast, when Sally is sweeping out
the parlor, he gives me sixpence to
90 out and play. Sally receives short
notice to quit.
A Frenchman in company with his
bosom friend, his wife, and daughter,
six wears of age, we're sitting IN the
drawing room of the former, when the
daughter said to the bosom friend II
say, Monsieur A, want youto be my
lover, won't you %
The father angrily exclaimed :"Why
my daugeter, where did you learn such
strange expressions 7"
phe child answered "Pa, nurse
saws that Monsieur A is mas lover
why can't he be mine too ?"
a Dutchman related the follow
Ing story milne Cot, Hans, you may
talk as Won be amin6 about tie hogs be-
ing tie contrarest animal, but te hen is
so much more contrary Good deal
Vyno longer ago than toder day, try
to make hen set. ! make up nest
Good put tie hen on, she no; jam her
down on to eggs. but she VIII git up
right off. Den l make leetle pox,
pout so big one way, and pout So pig
toder way-den make little pox over
her--and then just takes and raise to pox
to see whether she is setting, and pc
tam ii don't flint te tam hen set stan
Ding