davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
Bad Jokes.

Writing to the Chicago Republican about a
journey to San Francisco, Mark Twain says:
We established a Jokers' Society, and fined
every member who furnished an unbearably bad
Joke. We tried one man for bis life (the rajah Of
Borneo), for building conundrum of unwar.
ranted strocity. Mr.. Cohen disliked his trunk
and often spoke sngrily Of its small size. The
conundrum touched upon this matter:
Why IS one Of the passengers or his trunk
Ike certain geographical, algebraicsl, geome-
trical, technical term? Auswer-Because he is a
truncated cone (trunk-hsted Cohen)."
We hung him. At dinner, one day, in the
steamship Sacramento, on this side, said some.
thing TO my room mate, while he was carving a
piece of veal. A member Of the society said
" Beware-remember the sign in the pilot-house
NO conversation with the man at the wheel
(weal-veal)." We hung him, also.
One night the first officer brought the tears to
many eyes with touching story of a shipmate of
his, whose leg was bitten of by q shark. A young
lady said, "0h, how shockingl" A member of
the society said: "ludeed it was - it is very
sharking.n He was publicly executed.
A merchant from China told us a story of a
tiger that ate up Chinaman. and then ate up his
bamboo cart. member observed that 1t was
the first time he had ever heard Of a tiger dining
a Ia carte. He is no more.
This nonsense reminds me Of q circumstance
Once in Washington during the winter, Riley, q
fellow correspondent, who staid in the same house
with me, rushed into my room in scanty costume
1t was past midnight-and said: E" Great God,
what can the matter be! What makes that awful
smell?"
said, Calm yourself, Mr.. Riley, there is no
occasion for alarm. You smell about as ususlu
Bus he said there was no joke about the mat.
ter-the house was full Of smoke-he had heard
dreadful screams-he recognized the odor of burn.
ing human flesh! We soon found that he was
right. A poor old negro woman, a servant in the
next house, had fallen on the stove and burned
herself so badly that she soon died. II was sad
case, and at breakfast all spoke gloomily Of the
disaster. and felt low-sPrited. The landlady even
cried, and that depressed rs still more. She
said
"0h, to think OF such fate She was 50 good.
and 80 kind, and so faithful She had worked
hard and honestly in that family for tweaty-eight
long years, and now she is roasted to death-yes,
roasted to q crisp like so much beef"
In grave voice, and without even the shadow
OF smile, Riley said:
/" Wea done, good and faithful servant!"
II sounded like benediction, and the landlady
never perceived the joke, but never came 30
near choking to death In my life.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
MARKETS.

LIVERPOOL, May 23-Evening. Cotton STEADY
sales 10000 bales. Red wheat lbs. 4d. Lard
quiet. Pork firm. Sugar dull.
ELONDoN, May Z3-Evening.-Con 947n9IE
LONDON, May S.-Noon.-Bonds 7Il07l5.
LIVERPOOL, May 23-NoOn.-Cotton steady.
sales 5000 bales. Breadstuffs dull. Red wheat
lbs. 3D. Provisions quiet. Sugar a shade easier,
PARIS, May 23.-Bullion in the Bank Of Franco
has increased Is, 100000.
HAVANA, May 23.-ClOsing prices OF the sugar
market are unsettled; Nos. 10 to IL quoted at "a
GS; Nos. Is TO 20, S49l0; Muscovado inactive
at last quotations. Moasses sugar 697t for Nos.
Z TO 10. Molasses firm at sac for clayed, and 81
for common or Muscovado. Freights slightly de-
clined. Shanks 99l0 reals. Hoops dull az pre-.
yious prices. Flour sl29l3. Lard 19@l9f in
ueTces, and 2OG2l in Is b. tins. Lumber lS02O
for white pine, and 23@24 for pitch pine. Pota.
toes s. 50G6. Tallow l21l24.
NEW YORK, May 23.-Evening.-Cot firm
and in fair demand; sales to-day $50 bales mid
dlings SO3GSlc., closing with no sellers under
Bic. Flour heavy and unchanged. Wheat closed
frmer, with a speculative demand on Western
account Corn lower; Western mixed 81 l54
Pork steady. Lard a shade frmer at lS0l94c.
Naval stores dull. Groceries firm. Freights un.
changed. Gold 1899. Governments firm.
NEW YORK, May -Evening.-Money easy
at 5@6 u cent. for call loans. The bank state.
ment shows decrease in loans OF $343 900: specie
1000; Of circulation, $4,000; increase of de.
posts, 81 900; of legal tenders, $4,6l9 OOO
DdiduCc SlOAsOuU,UUU.
ST. LOUIS, May 23-Tobacco-Lugs TO dark
leaf $6 25@sl6. Flour flat-Superf0e 81 256
so. Corn sS@92c. Oats S0@S2c. Mess pork
$29. Bacon nominal.
CHARLESTON, May 23.-Cotton quiet-holders
asking soc. for middlings. Sales 40 bales Re.
ceipts 39l bales. Exports coastwise 81 bales.
SAVANNAH, May 23.-Cotton market firm. No
Gales. Middling SO93O3c. Receipts 226 bales.
Exports 1885 bales.
MOBILE, May 23.-Cotton market closed firm.
Sales $50 bales. Middling 2s3c. Receipts 60
bales. Exports s3l.
LOUISVILLE, May 23.-Sales, 81 hhds. tobacco;
lugs TO fine leaf Sc 750l6. Superfne -four
$e@S IS. Corn 94@95c. Oats s3@s5c. Wheat
81 5042 IS. Lard lS}0l9c. Mess pork s2S 80,
Bscon-shoulders l4c.; clear sides lSc. Bulk
l3lc.; clear sides I7c. Cotton
2s@284c.
CINCINNATI, May 23.-Flour and wheat IN.
changed. Corn ssc. Oats Ole. Mess pork held
at S2S 80. Bulk mests-shouders l2lc.; rib sides
l4ic.; clear sides l64c. Bacon firm; shoulders
yassed hams l9G20c. Lard held at Isle. Butter
2592Sc. Eggs lSc. Apples $506.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
FROM EUROPE.

Prince AIfred's Health-The Case OF the
British Bark sprinEbrOOk-rhe Army In
Abyssinia-The Pope Invites a Thousand
Recruits from the United States.
LONDON, May 23.-Dispatches from Sydney re-.
port Prince Alfred as quite well. Farrell had been
xecuted.
STOCKHOLM, May 23.-The government organ
Gays Sweden must protest against the judgment Of
the United States Supreme Court in case Of the
British bark Springbrook as bad precedent in
maritime law.
LONDON, May 29.-Advices from Gen. Napier
bave been received as late as May 5th. The rear
guard Of the army was at Ashargo, and the ad-
vance had reached the sea. The native infantry
had embarked. The country will soon be evacl.
ated.
The pope invites the Catholic bishops OF the
United States to send one thousand recruits to the
pspal army.
BERLIN, May 23.-The ZOlverein diet adjourned.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24

In Madame Parel's weekly list Of Eligible
Matches is TO be found the following announce
ment: mo. q. Young American miss, from Bsl-
tim0re, age ~; good looking and well educated;
year. good prospects; prefers 70 live in France or
Italy, wants husband Of social distinction; high
est references required; an interview nay be had
Immediately" Unfortunately for this eligible
young lady from Baltimore, there figures on the
same list young lady from Martinique, whose
charms are as enthusiastically described, but
with the addition, 81 beautiful mulatto girl with
sn olive-colored complexion" The whole list Of
this enterprising Parisian marriage broker en-
braces no less tan ninety.four names.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24

IMPEACHMENT. "A. johnson fights, and Congress
sits about their rights; perplex their wits. But
Waleotts Pain Paint heals every sore, cheers up
burning smart which rack the brain or wounds
the heart. lis all the talk, tits all the 60 pain
will not balk Pain Paint, oh, no. Let Congress
dig the " traitors" grave, or johnson rig i'm
peschments cave. 'Tis all the same, 'tWixt you
and l. If both are lame, why, let them fly, to Pain
Paint quick, and not be shy; il both are sick, Pain
Paint apply; cancers will cure, you need not die,
Pain Paint is sure, none can deny; its cooling kiss
10 fevered lip, you would not miss on land or ship
In every store Pain Paint you see, at every door
and can't be beat
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
MISCELLANEOUS.

CHARLESTON, May 23.-Gen. Candy this evening"
issued an order posiponing the municipal cleo.
tlons in South Carolina.
FORTRESS MONROE, May 23.-An easterly storm
Is prevailing.
ALBANY, N. Y, May 2S.-The Presbyterian
General Assembly fold school) assembled here
to-day. Rev. Joseph Williams, colored. of Knox
Presbytery, Georgia, was admitted TO a seat.
BALTIMORE, May 23.-Rev. Jno. G. Lyon, aged
4, for forty years minister, and the founder Of
German Methodist Church ing America, il
I'd.
BALTIMORE, May 23.-The Presbyterian con.
'ence, responding TO en- invitation to hold their
xt conference ct Louisville, passed resolutions
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
FROM SOUTHWEST PASS.

SoUTHwEsT Pass, May 2S-ll A. N.-Barometer
29;7O. Arrived steamship Fire Queen, William
son master, Liverpool via Havana, to J. II. Ash.
bridge Ocean steamship W. q. Hewes, Tripp
master, Galveston, 10 G. A. Whitney & Co.; brig
Cortsllas, MaTutang, MstsnZas, TO PUG Brothers T;
schooner John G. Whipple, Cienfuegos, molasses
TO Goldenbow 4 Kelly. Sailed Steamship Ken.
siDgton ships Wild Hunter and Arcturus.
SOUTHWEST Pass, May 2S.--6 P. M.-BsrometeI
1906. No wind. No arrivals. Sailed; Steam.
ship Harlan,
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
FROM AUGUSTA, GA.
LnrRa Land Sink.

AUGUSTA, May 23.-Dispatches from Lake
City, Florida, state that, few days ago, nearly
two acres on farm in Hamilton county suddenly
sunk to the depth of fifty feet from the surface,
the surrounding land filing with water, and sub
merging the tops Of the tallest trees. The ground
is still sinking, and now covers four acres.
Streams and creeks lose themselves in the sur.
rounding country, and force an outlet in this
way. These sinks occur occasionally, but this is
the largest and deepest known.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
FROM GALVESTON.

The "hifky Hing and iImpeaehment-De-
struotive STERN Rt San AntOHiO-AItempted
HOmicIde-Mexican News.
GALVESTON, May 23.-The Bulletin charges that
the secretary OF senator voting for acquittal,
wrote leading whisky merchant here that the
ring had contributed money to secure the aequit-
tai Of the president.
There was destructive hail storm at San An.
tonic and vicinity on the evening Of the 18Th,
lasting half an hour. destroying houses, crops,
fruits, gardens, etc; damage estimated at $500.
600. Several lives reported lost.
II. y. Hill was shot here and severely wounded
by j. N. stowe.
~ Capt, Randall, special treasury agent goes
North by the Josephine.
The latest news from Mexico reports Quiroga
invading Nueva Leon for the purpose of reyou.
ton.
:, Gen. Basque, Santa Annals agent, is still at
Brownsville.
Judge Black is arguing the bridge case before
Judge Watrous.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
FROM HAVANA.
Destruetlve storm.

HAVANA, May PA heavy storm prevailed
here all day yesterday, doing considerable dam.
ege 10 buildings and crops. Pieces of wrecks
and papers have been picked up along the shore
stormy and considerable rain has fallen. Baron.
eter changing.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
FROM CINCINNATI.

Bold RObbery-seizure OF an Engine and
Exprefs Car.
CINCINNATI, May 23.-Robbers seized an engine
between Louisville and Cincinnati, aud detaching
the express car left the balance Of the train.
They threw the express messenger out and
robbed three safes. Loss unknown. The engine
was found on the track next morning, deserted.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24

The Gazette says q good deal of repairing and
building is going on at Bay st. Louis, and hears
that several New Orleans merchants intend to in.
vest in real estate there. The Gazette boasts Of
pure water, pure breszes, and Q state of health
quite painful to the medical profession. The
place is commencing t9 GIL up With it, summer
population.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
FROM SAN FRANCISCO.

Oregon Wheat-sehOOnor Wrecked.
- SAN Francisco, May 23.-It.is apprehended thst
an immense crop OF wheat will be harvested 10
Oregon,
The schooner Grow is reported wrecked in Pa.
gets sound, and the crew captured and murdered
by Indians.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
RIVER NEWS.

VICKsBURG, May 23-Passed up: Richmond at
P. NJ, yesterday. Down Belle Lee at A, NJ
and Gov. Allen at 10 AN. River rising slowly.
LOUISVILLE, May 23.-River falling rapidly
with lO3 feet water in the canal. Weather clear
and cool.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24

The sheriff Of the parish Of Orleans will sell at
auction tomorrow at noon, at the Merchants and
Auctioneers' Exchange, Royal street, portion of
ground situated in this parish, on the right bank
Of the river Mississippi. For particulars see sd-
yertisement
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24

One Of the Canadian Zouaves writes from Rome
that the commanding officer of Castle San Angelo
has been placed under arrest upon an accusation
Of having sold to emissaries of Garibaldi the plans
of the new fortifcstions Of that fortress.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
The Democratic Nomination.

LETTER FROM EX-PREsIDENT PIERoE-A cOMPLr.
MEHT TO GEN. HANCOCK-FHE DUTY OF THE DEM.
oCRATIc NATIONAL CONVENTION - PERSONAL
PREFERENCES NOT TO INFLUENCE CHOICE.
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24
[FrOm the nallntelligsneer.I

IFrom the National llntelligeneer1
BY reason Of variously reported views of ex-
PRESIDENT Pierce, concerning the political situa-
ton and the anticipated presidential nomination
OF the Democratic or conservative convention at
New York, on the 4th Of July next, we have con.
euded to furnish to the public COPY of private
letter OF Gen: Fierce, written about month ago,
and addressed to ]. G. Hoover, Esq. of this city
The letter itself, though written long SINCE antici.
pated some Of the difficulties touching nomina.
tons which have al-eady exhibited themselves.
Yet, upon the whole, we are free TO say that an
tagODisms OF rival candidates are at this time far
less marked than at any other period in our late
history. General Pierce, in q more recent letter
to friend, well suggests that calm counsels and
wise action on the part of the national convention
will make success morally certain.
CONCORD, N. H., April %, 1863.
My Dear SRI have just returned from Bos-
ton 10 find your letter Of the 10th inst. The Ian.
gusge attributed to me In the article TO which
you call my attention expresses substantially what
have thought, and doubtless what have often
said.
You know how highly / estimate the culture,
powers and elevated characteristics of Mr.
Pendleton and Gov. Seymour Mr.. Hendricks aud
Mr.. Doolttle, and how gratefully l recognize the
services rendered BY them respectively in de-
fense of the Constitution.
think must also have spoken to you, during
the late civil war, Of Gen. Hancock. / knew him
well twenty years ago, and had the pleasure of
meeting him with the late gallant Gen. Reno on
lS47-4e. The death of the latter affected me
deeply, and the two have been frequently asso-
ciated IN my memory. By their dashing intrepi-
dity, knowledge and large manhood, they attrac-
ted universal confidence, and in an unusual de-
gree the warn regard of officers and men. Thsy
had then the bound and elasticity peculiar 70
youth. but they had, beside, the prompt and pru.
dent judgment Of ripper age.
No thoughtful man can help being impressed by
the fact that such responsibility and weighty dG-
ties as will rest upon the coming convention have
rarely been cast upon any body of men Il will
not be an occasion where one may well decide for
himself in accordance with his personal interests
friendships or wishes and hence It is but y .e
suggestion Of ordinary forecast that judgm, ant
be suspended for careful comparison Of cor ,clu-
sions with delegates at the convention frr I'm ali
parts Of the Union, aud for q more full eyelop.
ment Of the dangerous rush and whirl 4 events
in period when the constitution, insg ,ad of re.
ceiving homage and respect, encouD, eers scofiop
and defiance on the palt Of those VIZ % are too ev
dently determined to command me shin or des
troy Il. This, however, ia an all ernatiye only n
woTds, for their continued com. mand must end in
wreck. Before the close Of t1e present Congress
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24

Sale OF contents of several well furnished
houses tomorrow, at ii O'Clock A. NJ, removed
for convenience of sale TO Masonic Hall Auction
Mart, Chss, T. Nash, suctioneer,
The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-05-24

declaring the inexpediepcy of holding conference
outside of its own jurisdiction. The next meet
ing occurs at Mobile.
Natchitoches spectator. [volume] (Natchitoches, La.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-01
THEY MONT TROUBLE You LONG!

THEY WON'T TROUBLE You LONG!
Children grow up-nothing on earth
grows so fast as children. 1t was
but yesterday, and that lad was playing
with tops. buoyant boy. He is man,
and gone now! There is no more child
hood for. him or for us. Life has claimed
him. When a beginning is made, it is
like raveling stocking; stitch by stitch
gives way till all are gone. The house
has not child in it-there is no more
noise in the hall-boys rushing in pell-
NELL; il is very orderly now. There are no
more skates or sleds, bats, balls or strings
left scattered about. Things are neat
enough now. There is no delay for
sleepy folks; there is no longer any task
before you lie down, of looking after
anybody, and tucking up the bedclothes.
There are no disputes to settle, nobody
to get off to school, no complaint, no
opportunities for impossible things, no
rips to mend; no fingers to tie up, no
faces to be washed, or collars to be
arranged. There never was such peace
in the house. 1t would sound like music
to have some feet to clatter down the
front stairs. Oh for some children
noise. What used to all us, that we
were hushing their loud laugh, cheek
ing their noisy frolic. and reproving
their slamming and banging the doorsl
we wish our nelghborS would only
lend us an urchin or two to make little
noise in these premises. A home with
out children! It's like lantern and no
candle; garden and no flowers; a vine
and no grapes; brook and no water
gurgling and gushing in it's channel.
We want to be tired, to be vexed, to
be run over, to hear children at work
with all it's varieties. During the secu-
lar days, this is enough naked. Bat it
is the S..bbate that puts our homes to the
proof, That is the Christian family dag.
The intervals of public worship are
long spaces of peace. The family seems
made up OH that day. The children are
at home. You can lay your hands upon
their heads. They seem to recognize
the greater and lesser love-to God aud
to friends. The house is peaceful but
not still. There is a low and melodious
trill Ofchildren in it. But the Sabbath
comes too still now. There is n silence
that aches il the ear. There is too much
room at tho table, too much at the hearth.
The bedrooms are q work too orderly.
There is too much leisure, and too little
care. Alas what means these thingsl
Is somebody growing old! Are these
signs tokensl Is life wanins2-Henry
Ward Beecher.
Natchitoches spectator. [volume] (Natchitoches, La.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-01

Willie great many wise and good
people are mourning over the deGenera-
cy of the Press in these latter days, the
Pail Mall Gazette, in its article on 1.-THE
Recreative use of Literature" presents
some consoling reflections. The millions
are slowly waking from their state of in
tellectual torpor, and they must be fed
with food convenient for them. 1t re-
qulres an immense quantity to minister
to their wants, and if in their present
state of development they prefer ''pad-
ding" to philosophy or theology, we
must not despair of all improvement of
their taste, nor deny ourselves the COM
fort of remembering that their present
condition is slight Improvement upon
the intellectual lethargy which was once
their lot. Again, though the bulk of
current literature is flimsy, because the
mass of readers cannot appreciate any
thing of q better character, it is at the
same time true, that there is more able
thinking and writing now, than there
has been at any previous period. We
have but one other remark to offer on
this subject. 1t is a prevalent mistake
to believe that what is commonly called
"heav!" reading cannot be recreative.
We believe experience will prove that
more pleasure is derived from reading
what taxes the faculties of the mind,
than from what only employs them laz-
lily, without waking them from their Or
binary indolent attitude. Recreation
comes from change of vigorous action,
not from repose.-[ NeiO Eclectic.
Natchitoches spectator. [volume] (Natchitoches, La.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-01

SoLoaIoN's TEMPLE ExHUMED-The
London Times publishes an interesting
letter in regard to tho discoveries of
Jerusalem. from which we select the fol-
lowing: The colossal foundations of
the temple wall, which are stones of ten
cubits and stones of eight cubits, laid by
Solomon or his successors on the throne,
are now being laid bare at the enormous
depth of 90 feet and more beneath the
spanDed the ravine between the place
of Zion and the temple on Moriah is
now proved to have been upward Of 100
feet high. If this be, as it seems, the
ascent to the House of the Lord which
Solomon showed to the Queen Sheba,
we cannot wonder that on seeing it there
was no spirit in her. The pinnacle of
the temple on which the tempter placed
the Saviour has justabeen uncovered to
the base. anb is found still to have an
elevation of 1856 feet. The statement of
Josephus is, therefore, mo exagseration.
If any one looked from the battlements
into the valley he would be giddy while
his 81 ght could not reach to such an
immense depth. Sections Of the ancient
wall of Ophel have been exhumed,
showing that, as Josephas says, it was
Joined to the southeast angle of the
temple. Aqueducts, cisterns, rock hewn
channels and passages have also been
discovered within and around the harem,
throwing new light on the buildings,
the arrangements and the services of
the temple. The great work of a
complete exploration of ancient Jerusa-
lem is thus fairly and auspicious.y com
menced. The opportune visit of the
Sultan and Grant Visor to England;
and the representations made to the
latter by the Archbishop of York, fol
lowed up as they have been by the ener-
gy, the wisdom, ind tact of Lieutenant
Warren and his admirable staff. have
smoothed down Moslem prejudice, re-
moved local opposition. and thus
brought about opportunities for excara-
ton and exploration. such ..as never
occurred before; and besides, large
numbers of Arab laborers are trained TO
the work, and are eager to be employed.
and the exact points for the successful
exploration are now. well known.
Natchitoches spectator. [volume] (Natchitoches, La.) 1867-18??, 1868-04-01

When couple engage to row in the
same boat for life, their condition is
canoe-bail. The torch of Hymen is used
to set matches" on fire. The 'spark'
appears III the first instance, and be-
comes a "hame." Friday is an unlucky
day for marriages; people should wed on
"Wednesday. The ringing of bellies
often proclaims a wedding. The man is
no longer "beau" when the knot is
tied. With brutal husband, what hard
lines are the marriage lines.