The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1868-05-16

Query-Isa man who has made q fool of
himself to be considered a. a selt-,nsde man?
Why is coffee like an axe with q dull edge
Because 1t has to be ground before it is used.
Beecher's advice to a young man 10 sunma.
rized-get married and run in debt for farm.
"Kssing factory girl is mill privilege
Yes, when she is satisfactory girl.
1t is urged against female suffrage tina. the
women would be sure TO make mischief.
Forty six persons dipped in twenty minutes,
is tho boast Of man who is called the Cham.
pion baptizer.'
The most intensely Southern mariner we ever
heard OF was one that refused to be guided by
the north star.
Figaro define. Instrimonially engaged man
as bachelor who has become possessed by one
idea-buttons on his .hrt.
Mrs MuAies says it is "dredful" hard to lose
husband She never got used TO it till she lost
her fourth Practice makes perfect
In Vermont one Leach swapped his wife with
one Gale, who gave mis- sister in exchange All
were satisfied bat the courts who raised gale
about H.
Frenchman, wishing to say Of young
lady that she WAS a. gentle a lamb, thus eI-
pressed himselt-"She be mooch tame like the
petite mouton."
Whatever may be the end o. man, there can
be no doubt, when we see those long trains
gracefully sweeping the floors and roads, that
the end of women is-"Dust.'
A gentleman writing from Montana says he
wa. introduced 70 fifty colonels out thsr. in one
day. Thst being SO, the colonization of that ter
ritory must be going on rapidly
Fowl culture is receiving attention in Paris.
'1've get henery,' lately said young lady 70
her cousin. Dear NO." said the cousin, ~
thought his name WAS Charles"
A stingy husband accounted for all the blame
Of the lawlessness OF his children in company,
by saying his wife always gave them their own
way" Poor things it's all l have 70 give
them, was her prompt reply.
a Peoria man ~oos his sweetheart in prac.
teal way. Early il the morning he steps
around 10 the house Of his inamorata; builds a
fire. lays in supply Of wood and water, and
after making himself sensally useful, departs
stealthily
young lady, few days ago. talking about
the ever varying female fashions, said, "Of
course it's only women Of means who can
follow them" A friend Of ours, who happened
to be present, observed, "Or rather, Miss, WON.
en- Of 'eXtremes." -
Among the ministers present at the New
York Conference were DR.. Labsn Clark, who en-
braced Methodism seventy years ago, and
entered the ministry siyty-eight years ago, and
Rev. Heman Bangs, who for ffty-thrse years
has been preacher
Mrs. Slows, in her Chimney Corner papers,
quotes the story Of Methodist who felt that he
had call to preach, and who was crushed by
the question Of an elder, who asked him: "Hast
thou noticed whether people seem to have . call
to hear theei"
''stubbs, my dear fellow, isn't it about time
You repaid me that little lean 2" "Augustus,
my boy, it isn't question Of time but Of mon
ey"
A stump-speaker exclaimed. ~ know no North,
no South, no East West, fellow citizens ~
''1hen,' exclaimed an old farmer in the crowd,
'its time you went to achsol and larnt your 10.
Rraphy.'
"Does your knittiuy-mschne make a seam ?
asked an old lady Of the proprietor of Knitting
machine. ut seems not" was tho pertinent re-
ply.
An iron freight car has been patented, which,
it il said, is lighter, stronger and more durable
than wood besides being tire-proof.