Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-04-14
XII ScaLpi2agS.

A grinding taX-TnIll tax.
A public square-a street fight.
Cold athematics-Poplar triangles.
Weapons of the world-the earth S axis.
A black balled invividual-a badheaded mig.
What flower most resembles bull s mouth?
A cowsip.
A man may be called hard up when support
ed by a stone post.
Does it make man look intellectual to be in
frame Of mind.
The fellow who undertook to shave with the
lather of soapstone found it hard work
A young lady gives her reason for using a
parasol in these words, Il raise my parasol to
parry Sols rays
Mrs. Darlington has come to the conclusion
that there is no use trying to catch soft water
when it rains so hard.
The young lady who was frozen with horror,
and was subsequently melted into tears, was
carried out, and consigned to watery grave.
An old lady, when her pastor said to her;
''God has not deserted you in old age" replied
mo, sir, have very good appetite still.
What the fire almost out) said to the bel
lows: "I'll be bowed if [ can stand it p
What the bellows said ''Ill be blowed if you
don't
There is young lady in Brooklyn so refined
in her language that she never uses the word
"blackguard," but substitutes african senti-
nel.''
A young lady was told by married lady that
she had better precipitate herself off the Mia
CARA falls into the basin beneath than marry
The young lady replied II would if thought
L could find husband at the bottoml"
As the ostrich uses both legs and wings when
the Arabian courser bounds in his rear; as the
winged lightnings leap from heaven when the
thunderbolts are loosened-so does little mig
ger run when the Ku Kluxes are after him.
A. Been went counting his girl and wishing
to be conversational, observed: 1.-THE thermon-
ekron is twenty degrees below zelon this eyen>
ing" eyes," innocently replied she, 'such
kind Of birds do fly higher some seasons Of the
year than others.
An Arkansas negro, expounding the Scrip
lures, had occasion to touch upon antediluvlan
longevity, and in the course of his.remarks said
that in those days men didn't marry before they
were two hundred, and, in fact, were twenty
five years old before they were born.
A captain who had sound sleeping mate
caught an Irish boy in the middle watch frying
some pork and eggs he had stolen from the
ships stores, to whom the captain called out
you lubber, you, I'll have none Of that. -
Faith, captain, I've none for We, said the lad.
Irish citizen in grief is asked by his friend
what is the matter?
matter indade. Why here, insured my
brother life only two weeks ago, and yesterx
day he got killed with derrick And whin l
came to tell those assurances they'd been after
making some mistake. the blackguards thry to
| was haythen to sell me brother's blood. ;"
Somebody shot the dog belonging to the ed
itor of the Princeton Progress. The editor re-
turns his thanks as follows IF the two-leg-
ged, bob-taied dog that shot our tour-legged,
long tailed dog on Tuesday night last will call
at our office, he can get hide tanned muchly.
Any one who will wait until dark night to
shoot pup that he knows wouldn't bite any
meat it thinks is alive, wouldn thesitate to steal
blind Tom S last five cent and kick him beside.
Emeralds.
1t strains a mans philosophy the worst kind
to laugh when he gifts beat.
All Of us complain of the shortness of life,
yet We awl waste more time than we use.
Don't mistake arrogance for wisdom, many
people have thought they were wise when they
were only windy.
The man who kant git ahead without pulling
others back is a very limited cuss.
The principal difference between luxury and
necessary is the price.
Whenever the soul is in grief it is taking root
''Give the devil his DUE but be careful that
there amt much due him.
After man has ridden fast onst he never
wants to go slow again
Every sorrow has its twin joy the fun of
scratching almost pays for having the itch.
Those familys who are really fust-class never
are afraid that they shall git cheated out of their
responsibility, while the Goldfish families are
always nervous lest they mite.
1t won't do to stir up man when he is think
ing any more than it will pan of milk when
the cream is rising.
1t is easy enuff to raise the devil, but he's
hard crop to reap.
The onla sure resipee tew govern mankind
with, is the rod; you may festoon it with flow
ers and case it with velvet if you please, but it
is the rod after all that does the business.
We are told that contented man is happy,
and we might have been told at the same time
that mud turtle could fly if it only had wings.