The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-03-27
Mit aud Tansor

NM anu 1llliit1r.
.--.~~o~-~o~o~
- Often q man drives pair of
grays, while he himself is driven by
duns.
What beau is least liked by young
ladies on picnic partyp a rain
bow.
- young man named Neck. was
recently married to Miss Heels. They
are therefore tied Neck and Heels.
- You are queer chicken! AS
the hen said when she hatchcd out q
duck,
- 1t is said when Russian hus-
band neglects to beat his wife for a
month or tive she begins to get alarm
ed at his indifference.
- Punch advises farmers to sow
their P's keep their Us warm, hive
their BIS. shoot their Us feed their Ms
look after their potatoes rs, and take
their E's.
= "Why, George, what are you
hoeing In the garden for at this time of
night ?" "Well, was awful dry.
mother, aad don't the Bible say, lilo
every one that thirs.eth p"
"A clergy man announcing a lecture
on woman's rights by woman, did it
in this wise ..At the district school,
house, seven O'Clock hen will attempt
to crow"
- The height of modesty is that oe
ayoung lady who, desiring leg Of 4
chicken at the table, said "I'iT take
the part that ought to be dressed in
drawers"
- A young lady from the country,
now visiting in the city, writes home
thus Nobody isn't nothin' which
doesn't hole up yer cioz, and the hier
yu holes 'em, the more yu air notised. I"
- A school naam has adopted a
new and novel mode of punishment.
1.-THE boys disobey her rules she stands
them on their heads and pours water
into their trowsers legs.
- An Eastern editor was lately
shot in an aifray. Luckily the bail
came against bunsle OF unpaid &C
counts in his pocket. Gunpowder
could not get through that.
- "Jady represents gentleman
ut dinner ladling up horse shoe out
oil the soup tureen and saying, "Pon
my soul. this Is too bad This is the sec
ond time cooks forgot to take the
shoes off.
- mo Biddy," said Patrick to his
wife ''you never catch lie coming out
of my mouth
''You may we'll say that" replied
Biddy, 'sthey Nv out SO last that You
can't catch en-"
- To kill fleas:-Place the fero-
cious animal on smooth board and
pen him in with hedge of shOemakers
wax. Then as soon as he becomes quiz
ct, commence reading to him the do
ings of Congress and he will burst with
indignation.
- "Ma, if I should die and go to
heaven should wear my more antique
dress 2" "No my love we can scarce
ly suppose that we shall wear the attire
ofthis world in the next" "Then tell
me, ma how would the Lord know
belonged to the best society ~
- When gal out West is kissed
she looks surprised and says:
''How could your
TO which the swain replies
1T will give ME great pleasure to
show YOU and he proceeds to give her
a duplicate.
- "Mary Magdaline had seven dew
lis cast out of her. 1 never heard OF a |
man having seven devilscast ont of him,
grOwled q cynical old bachelor in the |
question. mo they are not cast out.
yet believe" was the quiet response
of his fair antagonist.
"Herbert, my darling," said a
ford mother to her son, IL have not seen
your book for several days-where is
it Z" Il know where it is "Well.
where ?" "Why its only lost little,
kinder in the barn. or round out doors
or behind the wood pile--l guess"
- At bar supper recently the
following was among the most regular
toasts
THE Court of C upid a tribunal be-
fore which lawyers pleas always please;
where every suit Is commenced by an |
Attachment where the execution takes
The body; and supplementary proceed
ngs never fail to satisfy the judge"
At school at Walland near
Newcastle, the master asked class of
boys the meaning OF the word appc-
lite.
After short pause. one little boy
aid:
al know, sir when I'm eatin' I'm
Apply, and when I'm done I'm tight" |
- SIS Miss Blindkins at home ~
skcd Mr.. flanders of the Irish girl
IhO answered his ring at the door. '
.'Yes, behave she IS, SIR" t
HIs she engaged?" .
'An' is it engaged, you say ?"Faith, Il
n can't tell you- sir, but she kissed G
ir. Vincent last evening as if she had :,
ever seen the like NV him, and its g,
ngaged behave they are SIR"
- DIR. SawboRes having finished
ne amputation OF leg of one of his tc
atients, near relative took him aside :
nd said to him
doctor do you think your patient 7
ill recover 2" i
"Recover there has never been the SC
asst shadow ola hope for hint" -
"Then what WAS the use of making CO
i'm suffer ?" Sc
"Why, my dear fellow, You could ~
Dt say brutally to sick man, you are
wing; he must be amused little"
81 like to attend weddings" said
RS Darlington as she came back from L
lie in church, and hung her shawl up. i
like to see young people come togeth- ID
), with the promise to love, cherish, J"
,urish each other. But what solemn -
ing is matrimony, very solemn thing
here the minister comes into the Il
with his surplus and goes =,
"orgh with the ceremony of making Cf
EN- man and wife. IL ought TO be m
lsband and wife, for it isn't every
lsband that turn cut to be a man.
clare never shall forget when Paul II
1t the nuptial rug Oh my finger, and 4
id. 'with my worldly goods 1 the en- NJ
W. He used to keep dry goods II
ore then, and | thought he was going =