Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1868-07-13
Oblo.: o.::StatestlI.asSrr: is
THE COCKROACH.
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BY JOSH BILLINGS.

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The cockroach is bug at large. x --
He is one ov the luxuries ov civiliza-
tiona ahda isoiiii9g 1Harl Q % eo e a1ifa o
Heis eazy to domestikate,. yielding
gracefully to ordinarya kindness, and
never deserting thoze owho show him
proper acts of courtesy. -9.Tol
We are led to believe, upon a cluss
examination ov the outward crust ov
these fashionable insekts, that they are
a highly Successful intermarriage be-
tween tie brunette pissmire, and the
'sartikilus bevo," or common American
grasshopper.i ,bs31iE 81 Erra ! 7syt7sar
Naturalists, however, differ, which liz
to be lamented, for diversity oy SEN
timent, upon matters SO important to the
peace aov mind and moral advancement
ov mankind in the lump, creates distrust,
and tends to sap the lsubstrata ov all
bug ethicks. add esslssms,'i +. -lat, = 81
But let the learned and polite pull
hair az much az they pleaze about the
ancestral claims ov the cockroach, 1t il
our Dizziness and duty;az bug scrutini-
zer, tew show the critter up az we find
him, without caring who hiz grandfather
or grandmother acktually waz. ..-''. -
Thare IL no mistaking the fackt that
he liz one ov numerous family, and
that hiz attachment tew the home of hiz
boyhood speaks louder than thunder for
his afecktionate and unadulterated ma
tur. uHa-ga2 F
He don't leave the place he waz born
at upon the slightest provocation. like
the giddy and vagrant flea, or the fero-
cious bedbug, and until death (or some
vile powder, the invenshun ov man)
knocks at hiz front door. he and hiz
brothers and sisters may be seen with
the naked eye, ever and anon calmly
climbing the white sugar bowl or
running foot-races between the butter
plates. At ', - i-1 .F
How strange it il that man, made out
ov dirt, the cheapest material in market,
and the most plenty, should be so deter
mined to rid the world of every living
bug but himself.
4 [ don't doubt if he could hav his own
way six years, every personal cockroach
would be knocked off from the bosom ov
the foot-stool, and not even pair ov
them left to repair damages with. ,s
Such iz man!
The cockroach is born on the fust ov
May and the fust ov November semi-an-
nually, and is reddy for use in fifteen
days from date.
+ They are born from an egg, four from
each egg, and consequently they are all
ov them twins. There is no such thing
in the annals of natur as single cock
roach. L-s e.
The maternal bug don't sett upon the
egg as the goose doth, but leaves them
lie around loose, like pint of split mus
tard seed, and don't seem tew care darn
whether they get ripe or not. e.
( But 1 never knew cockroach egg
fail tew put in an appearance. They
are as sure tew hatch out and run as
Kanada thistles, or bad kold.
The cockroach is of two colors, sorrel
and black. They are always on the
meve, and kan trot, 1 should say, on a
good track and coed day, cluss to
three minnitts. 81. eil
Their food seems to consist, not SO
much in what they eat as what they
travel, and often finding them dead in
my soup at the hoarding-house, L have
cum to the conclusion that cockroach
can't swim, but they can float.
Naturalists have also declared that
the cockroach has no double teeth.
This il an important fackt, and ought
tew be introduced into all the primary
school books of Amerika.
But the most interesting feature of this
remarkable bugg is the lovelyness ov
their natures. They kant bite nor sting,
nor skratch, nor even jaw back. They
are SO amiable that have even known
them tew get stuck in the butter, and
lay there all day, and not holler for
help, and aktually die at last with bro
ken heart. -..i
To realize the meekness of theze un-
complaining little fellers, let the philo-
sophie mind just for one moment COM
pare them to the pesky flea, who light
upon man in hiz strength and woman in
her weakness like red hot shot; or to
the warbling musketo, wild from a Nu-
Jersey cat-tail marsh, with his dagger in
his mouth askeing for blood; or, horror
ov horrors! to the midnight bedbugg,
who creeps out ov crack az still and
az lean az a shadow, and bitches on to
the bosom ov buty like a starved
leech. ai
Evry man has a right to pick his play
mates, but az for me, l had rather visit
knee deep among cockroaches than to
hear the dieing embers ov a single mus
keeter's song in the room jineing, or to
know that there waz just one bedbugg
left in the world, and he waz waiting for
mi kandle to go out and for me to pitch
into bed.
In conclusion, to show that I aint fool
ing, would be willing. if I ha d them,
to swarp ten fust-class heas any time for
a smallsized cockroach, and if the fell
low complained that had shaved him
in the trade, 1 would return the cock
roach, and sware that we waz even. .i