The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-01-24
@::s aud AaAspe>

w ~ 0~S GSs*s~"sSN
~~-~-~-~-~~~--~~ ~~-~-~------~>~~~~~-~~
Pay for your pantaloons don't
be charged with breaches of trust.
- Men looking at the faults of wo-
man should shut their eyes.
- There Wcfe not FlRhtoo43 pco-
pie enough in Sodo.l 70 ssye It, bat
there was pretty good Lot.
- You may joke when you. please
fyou are careful to please when you
joke.
- The young lady who took the
gentleman's fancy, has retained it with
thanks.
- A convenient way of testing the
affections of your intended is to mar
ry another woman. II she don't love
you, you will md 1t out immediately.
- Rhy ia . candle maker the worst
and the most hopeless OF fneu? Be-
cause all ais works are tsie1eG and his
deeds are brought TO light.
- Whoever heard Of woman with
pretty ANGLES and whole stockings,
complain OF wet side walks and mud
dy crossings.
- "Docs father have q wry face ?"
asked little boy Of an elder brother
mo, Johnny he has an ed bourbon
face" the observant youth replied
An Illinois editor. all whose
memories are associated with the war,
says he does not know what Fitz-
Greene Halleck could do as poet, but
he was avery bad general.
= When a young gentleman in
Canada wishes to pay attention to q
youngslady, If 1t be winter undertakes
to kill her VITA kindness by taking
her out and Sleighing her.
- line in one of Moore's songs
reads thus "Our couch shall be roses
bespangled with dew" TO which a
sensible girl replied Hrwould give
me the rheumatiZ, and 30 it would you. "
a drunken man fell asleep on
the roadside, where . pig found him
and began TO lick him or the mouth.
who's kissing me now ?" exclaimed
the drunkerd. What q capital thing it
is to be In favor with woman.
Papa: "Well, Sissy, how do YOU
like your school ?" .sOh so rauch.n-
Papa: "That's right. Now tell me
all you learned to-day" Sissy. ~ have
learned the names of all the little
boyth."
III don't want mother to marry
again." said little boy one day at
breakfast. "Why notg" was asked with
some surprise. 'Because sald he,'
ssI've lost one father and don't want
the trouble of getting acquainted with
another"
old Bubus declares that the rea-
son woman never stammer is because
they talk 30 fast that q stammer has
no chance to get In. People stutter
because they hesitate. But whoever
knewa VIC oman to hesitate about any,
thingG
- Let no gentleman ever quarrel
With woman. If you are in trouble
with her retreat. If she abuses you,
be silent. II she tears your cloak of,
give her your coat. If she box your
ears, bow. 1t she tear your ewes out
feel your way to the door-but fly.
- An Indian strayed away from
his camp and got lost. Inquir;ng the
way back, he was sked,-"Indian
lost ?''
"No," said he, disdainfully, "Indian
no lost wigwam lest ?" striking his
breast, ''1ndian here.'' 80
E-- Why are woman like churchespn
Firstly because there is no living with
out one; secondly, because there Is ma
ny aspire 20 them: thirdly, because
they are objects of alteration and last
ly; but by no means the least, because
they have loud clspper in their upper
story.
a---- Affected young lady, seated in a
rockingham, reading the bible, ez-
Claims. another, here is = grammatical
error in the Bible I" Mother, lover
ing her spectakles, and approaching
the reader in ! veiy scrutinizing atti-
tude says, "Kill 1t kill It !! It's the
very thing that hassbeen eating the
leaves and beck-narks.
..-- At hotel dinner a gentleman
4 per5On who eat opposite use tooth
pick which had just done the same SER
vice for his neighbo-. Wishing to ap-
prise him OF his mistake, he said Al
beg your pardon sir, but You are using
Mr.. rs toothpick. 81 know /
AM. Do you think l am not going to
- The following conversation oc-
.tird between 3 graceless boy and his
teacher : "What does your father do |
when he sits down at the tablet" "He |
lsks for the brandy bottle" II don't |
hean that. Wen then what does yeur
mother do when she sits down at the |
able3" "She says she will ring our
lecks if we spill any grease Oh the |
loor"
- Said fond mother to a young
hopeful of eight: "ThOnmy my boy,
etch in a stick OF wood" "Ah! nv
lear, responded the youth, "The gra-
natical portion Of your education has
'een sadly neglected you should have
aid "Thomas my son, transport
rom that redundant collection of cum
Instible material upon the threshold of
his edifice, one of the curtailed excres-
ences of defunct log.
Papa" said little urchin to
is father the other day, ''Isaw a prin-
er going down street just now"
tDid; you sonny How did you know
his person was printer 2"
"Cause do papa"
"But he may have been a carpenter,
or shoemaker.
"Oh' no, papa he was a printer for
e was gnawing a bone, and he had no
OH, the crown was out of his
ait and his coat was all torn, Pm
ertain heWassa printer,y>papa.;'