The Wyandot pioneer. (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1853-1868, 1868-01-30
Tte at'yandat gioaeer.
THURSDAY, JANUARY 80, 1858.
Mark Twain IS IIulogy of Woman.

Mark Twain S Eulogy of Woman.
The Washington Correspondents
Club held its anniversary on Satur-
day night. Mr.. Clemens, better
known as Mark Twain, responded to
the toast, "W oman, the pride Of the
professions and the jewel of ours
He said:
Mr.. PRESIDENT do not know
why l should have been singled out
to receive the grestest distinction of
the evening-for so the office of re-
plying to the toast to woman has
been regarded in every age Ap-
plause. do not know why have
received this distinction, unless it be
that am trifle less homely than
the other members of the Club But
be this as it may, Mr.. President, ]
am proud of the position, and you
could not have chosen any one who
would have accepted it more gladly,
or labored with a heartier good will
to do the subject justice, than I.
Because, sir, [. love the SEX
[ Laughter. 1 love all the women,
sir, irrespective Of age or COLOR
[ Laughter.
Human intelligence cannot esti-
mate what we owe to woman, sir
She sews on our buttons laughter, |
she mends our clothes laughter,
she ropes US in at the church fairs
she confides in us; she tells us what
ever she can find out about the little
private affairs of the neighbors-she
gives US good advice and plenty of
it-she gives a piece of her mind,
sometimes-and sometimes all of it
she soothes our aching brows-
she bears our children. In all re1a-
tons Of life, sir, it is but a just and
graceful tribute to woman to say of
her that she is a brick. TGreat
Laughter.
Wheresoever you. place woman,
sir-in whatsoever position or es-
tate-she is an ornament to that
place she occupies, and a treasure to
the world. Here Mr.. Twain paused
looked inquiringly at his hearers,
and remarked that the applause
should come in at this point Tt
came III. Mr.. Twain resumed his
eulogy. Look at the noble names
Of history! Look at Cleopatra
look at Desdamona Look at
Florence Nightingale! look at Jo-
on of Arc I TooIy of uorot;o Por
gia. Disapprobation expressed.
"Well," said Mr.. Twain, scratching g
his head doubtfuliy. suppose we
let Lucretia slide.' Look at Joice
Heth /! look at Mother Eve! I re-
peat it, sir, look at the illustrious
names of history! Look at Widow
Machree Look at Lucy Stone
Look at Elizabeth Cady Stanton
Look at George Francis Train
[ Great laughter. And, sir, I say
with bowed head and deepest vene-
ration, look at the mother of Wash
ington! She raised boy that could
not lie-cou1d not lie! Applause. !
But he neUey he'd any chance. It
might have been different with him
if he had belonged to newspaper
correspondents club. Laughter,
groans, Kisses, cries of "put him
out" Mark looked around placidly
upon his excited audience, and re-
sumed.
repeat, sir, that in whatever po-
sition you place woman she is an
ornament to society and treasure
to the world AS q sweetheart she
has few equals, and no superiors-
| laughter, AS cousin she is con
venient; as wealthy grandmother,
with an incurable distemper, she is
precious; as wet nurse she has no
equal among men! Laughter.
What, sir, would the people Of
this earth be, without woman? They
would be scarce, sir. Then let us
cherish her-let US protect her-let
us give her our support, our encour-
agement, our sympathy-ourselves,
if we get chance. Laughter.
But, jesting aside, Mr.. President,
woman is lovable, gracious, kind of
heart, beautiful-worthy Of all res
pect, Of all Difference. Not any here
will refuse to drink her health right
cordially, for each and every one of
US has personally known. and loved,
and honorod, the very best Of them
all-his own mother Applause. !