The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1868-12-05
VARIOUS ITEMS.

oN~'S>
the tip of d fox's tail sticking out Of hol-
low tree.
A dismal man says that if the rebels
do not actually capture the Chinese
capital, they are at least going to peek
in.
Gen. Woods says, in writing from
Brazil, that the ladies' on being introduc-
ed to a stranger, insist upon being embra
eed, 9 heart throbbiny against heart"
IIu for Brazil
A man in the country announces that
his golden wedding will come off just
thirty years from now, and offers a ib
eral discount on any presents his friends
then design to make him.
ST. said an Irish apotheca AIRY, you
find three tumblers of wisky pu nch disa-
gree with you over night, don't take 'em
till the next day, aud then lea sc 'em off
entirely"
A young lady having bought pair of
shoes u nGriber too small. sent them to a
second hand store to have them sold
whcreupon the Teutonic shopkeeper ad-
vertised them in his window as follows
. For saie-A tight lady's shoes !"
'In England no man thinks of ack-
ing his own boots said a naughty
Briton, once, to Mr.. Lincoln, whom lie
found polishing his calf skin CATERS.
" Whose boots does he black 4" quietly
rocnn,joJ ITnol, ~
waiter, I'll take my hat" said gen
tleman at party, who was about going
home.
''What Kind of hat did you wear 2"
"a bran new hat, that bought this
very morning.
= Well sir" said the waiter, call the
good hats have been gone uo' E than TWO
Eours."
Dandies, 20 make greater show, wear
coats stuck out with pad and putting
but that You know, is dpropos what $
goose without Il stuffins!
Nat, what are you leaning over that
empty cask for ?" III mourning over d..
parted spirits"
Whenever marry" says masculine
Ann, g must really insist upon wedding
man ~ But what if the man (for men
are but human) should be equally nice
about wedding woman?
The man who drinks lime juice plays
his stomach scurvy trick.
When does an artist appear most thor
oughIy miserable? When he draws
long face.
g say, boy, is there anything to shoot
shout here :" inquired sportsman OF IA
boy he met.
well" replied the boy, ''nothin jnst
about here but our schoolma>;er is just
over the hill there cutting birch rods you
might walkl up and Pop him uver..'
Girls, do you want to ret marricI, and
do you want good husbands If So,
cease to act like lools Don't take pride
in saying you never did house work
never cooked pair Of chickens s-never
made bed, and so on Don't turn
up your pretty noses at honest industry
never tell your friends that you are
not obliged to work. When you 20 IL
shopping never take your mother with
you to g carry the bundle"
4 young man from the country went
into a drug store the other day, and
seeing people freely patronizin= the soda
fountain, at length stepped up and called
for drink OF {. that are for himself
After swallowing the forming contents
of the glass, and laying his stamps with
a satisfied air on the counter, : Mister"
said he, ..what do you call that, that
bites SO 2" On being told that it was
soda water, g WALL" said he, sposed
it was sweetened wind"
I've been in love some fifty times
perhaps with sixty minxes-froin Indies
like the mermaids, to ladies like the
sphinxes. And some of them had soft
blue eyes which turned my head with
wonder, whilst others were SO piercing
black they rent my heart asunder. Some
were as fair as lilies white, some red as
plump tomatoes; some were as soft as /
July shad some, too, like sweet pota-
toes some lisped and spoke of days |
gone by" love letters without number
some sighed, and in my arms they fell
but it was not to stumber. Some had i
cheeks ike new wlshel sheets. and some
as red as roses; some, luscious lins, like |