The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1868-01-09

man: every body has seen him. He ID
that mild and pleasing person who
says, "Oh, yes ~ and "Ah, indeed n
with 80 much vivacity; who is always
the fret to hand around the ices at the
1 party; who knows about all the we'd
dings and engagements and balls; who
escorts mamma TO her carriage, ard
suffers her to con verse at him 40 amia-
bly,. He seldom talks much, but he is
so nice. Generally he is in the dry
goods line, and frequently a mem Der
of the Young Mems Christian hssocia
ton. He has been known 10 attempt
to teach in Sunday school, but tho
mental exertion is commonly too So
we're. HIS personal appearance is not
so remarkable. He is usually fair,
with light hair and gentle blue eyes.
II 10 desirable that he should have a
mustache, straw colored Il possible,
aud in siEo like an exaggerated eye
brow HIS dress must be so perfect
as to leave, like himself, no definite
impression on the mind except one of
extreme nIceness. and his back hair
should always bS parted in an exact
line with the seam Of his collar
Brains in moderation are not, as we
have already intmated. an absolute
objection, but their possession should
be carefully hidden. Ideas are fatal to
his supremacy. One OF the incest
young men we ever knew lost forever
his proud pre.eminenee from the fatal
accidental commission Of q thought.
But feelings he may indeed must, con-
stantly exhibit it IS indispensable that
the eal nice young man should be as
sensitive as new author or public
funetionary accused OF peculation. He
may play little on the piano, o., bet
ter still, on the guitar, aud occasional
ly sing to his owp accompaniment IN
al unobtrusive tenor sometimes he
paints nicely, and oftoI writes poetry
Of a sentimental nature, not fatiguing.
ly intellectual, and he dances, oh he
dances dvinely.
The nice young man Of Boston is a
very different creature from the nice
young man ofNew York, and the nice
young man of PhiladelphiS bears not
the romotest likeness to either, or in.
deed to anything else in human sem
blance. The nice young man OF Bos-
ton, for example, Is sometimes prig
the nice young man of New York g
ofton snob: the n;co young n,sn Of
Philadelphia is usually totus teTes 0tgve
rotUndus, cipher, tho clrioSd feiicttas
Of nullity. Agaia, the nice young man
OF Boston who has no brains is permit.
to fill tho cavity which should hold
them with woak solution Of equal
parts of Emerson and Cant the nice
young man Of New York who has
brains is required to shrowd their ex-
i5tonCe iE the profouD lest mystery !;
the nice young man of Philadelphia
never has braius. The first admires
nothing that he understands, the sec
oDd understands nothing that he ad-
mires, the third understands nothing,
and admires only h,nself and PkI!adel-
phia. And so on. Besides, there are
numberiess varieties produced again
by moro fluctuations in feminine taste
and in the fashion of nicenoss. The
nice young man OF q year ago may be
as different from his representative of
to-day, as last seasons beaver from the
prevailing THE. Miss Gigglesby's nice
young man IN no respect resent bIes
Mas Singcrsby's mammals IS not the
ono with whom Arabella exchanges
hearts, and hair and photographs; the
nico young man of Betty, the house
maid, is not the object OF her mistress
devotion. The incest in all these cases
IS selatlve; TN arbitrary quality re-
Hected rather than actual. and subject
10 optical delusion. But each in his
own circle, TO nll intents and purposes,
q nice young man.
The end and scope of the nice young
mans existence is not so easy to de-
fine. The poet tells us that "a thing
of beauty is o JOY forever" and the
nico young man is always a thing of
beauty; then, too, his far worship.
pers probably find him useful. He is
always 30 obliging, 80 willing TO carry
parcels, so ready to escort one to the
opera or ball, to make up a set or hold
worsted, or take dear aunt Jane down
to supper 80 eager, to do him Justice,
for any service where eagerness does
not need to be supplemented by intel
lect. And as these are things which
somebody must do, the nice young
man has his place in the economy of
creation, Perhaps he 10 intended to
show how small a quantity of brains Is
necessary for human existence. We
have sometimes thought that his mis-.
sion was to preserve one from marry
ing that nice girl who is his counter
part whom everybody falls in love
with, and, being sooner or later cut
out by the nice young man, blcsses his
stars forever after. On the whole, we
think it most probable that the latter
Is the design Of Heaven TO his creation.
i Round Table.
b@r Where one person possessing
genius is npped in the bud by lack Of