The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-01-10
M'it aud Anlutt.


plant ?-Because it can't climb tree.
- What word is always pronounc-
ed Wrong? Wrong of course.
"Cheek swellers', are now adj
vertised instead of "plumpers," which
last used to be the name.
-"How does your newly purchased
horse answer 2" 81 really don't know,
for have never asked him question:
e. A young womans conundrum-
Who is our fsvorite Roman hero? Ma
RUS.
- When can a road be said to be
emotional When it has positive in
clination. .
To the benevolent.-Judyk knows
man SO hard up that he sleeps on
tick.
"A woman's grief is often very
short. If she loses her husband She
pines away for second.
- Ladies at the present time have
more lives than cat. for each night
they ssshuffie Off the mortal coil.
An editor out West offers his
entire establishment, subscribers ac-
counts, etc., for clean shirt and a good
meal of victuals.
Why is room full of married
people like room that is empty Be
cause there is Lot single person in
it.
- If the ''milk of human kindness"
cannot be found in the ''pail of society,""
1t is time for all hands to "kick the
bucket"
- The song of the rcpentant hus-
band after knocking his wife down.
AZ -.
stricken DEAR"
- Mrs. jenkins complained in the
evining that the turkey she had eaten
ut christmas did not set so we'll. "Prob-
sbly," said Jenkins, sit was not II hen
{ key"
- An Ohio editor refused TO speak
to the toast, "Woman," saying that
woman can speak for herself, aud any
man who undertakes to do it for her
will get himself into trouble.
- A young gentleman, speaking of
young beauty's fashionable yellowish
hair, called it pure gold, at ought to
be-" guoth Mr.. k, cit looks like
tweiity-four carrott;"
- A Portuguese mayor enumer-
ated among the marks by which the bo-
dy of a drowned man might be den-
tlllcu Nnch IOIHu, IA LndThcu lulpeul-
ment in his speach.
-. A gentleman alta musical party
asked a friend, III a whisper, SHOW
shall L stir the fire without interupting
the music?" "Between the bars" re-
piled the friend.
"A Kentuckian who had, after
protracted courtship, made up his mind
to propose to a young lady, carried his
La, III
sbnie hesitation replied: 81 am partially
Engaged, but mother wants to marry"
-"Papa," said little boy, Fought
the master to fog me for what DID not
do ?" "Certainly not my soh,' said the
father. .'Well," replied the little fel.
low, "he did to day when | Didn't do
my st!fh:''
- A lisping commandments asks
the following: "Why doth dog wag-
gle hith tail? Give it upP think moth
felath will give it upY you thee; the
dog waggeth his tail because the dog is
stronger than the tail? If he walnut
the tail would wsggle the dog !"
-"My lad," said traveller to
little fellow whom he met, clothed in
pants gnd small Jacket, but without
very necessary article of apparel, ''my
lad. where is your shirt Z"
"Mammy's washing it,"
"Have you no other 2"
mo other I" exclaimed the urchin in
atfrprise, ''would you want q boy to
have thousand shirts
= An old bachelor who had become
melancholy and poeticdl wrote some
verses tor the village paper, in which he
expressed the hope that the time would
soon come, when he should,
"Rest calmly within shroud,
With weeping willow by my side )"
but to his inexpressible horror it came
out in print
"When L shall rest calmly within
shawl.
With weeping widow by my side 4
- ''Don't know me 2" said Mass
achusetts soldier to his former COM
mander.
mo, my friend, don't"
"Whyi sir. you once saved my life.
"Ah; how was that ?''
"Why, sir. | served under you at
the battle of Fort Donelson, and when |
you ran away at the beginning OF the |
fight, | ran after you-else / might |
have been killed. God bless you my |
preserver, my benefactor J"
- An sIrishman's friend having |
fallen into. slough, the Irishman CALI |
ed aloud for assistance. The latter
was busily engaged in cutting a log of
wood, and wishing to Procrastinate,
inquired
dHow deep is the gentleman in ?"
Cup to his slicles."
"Then. there is plenty Of tfme,'' said
the other.
mo there's not reioined the first,
81 forgot to tell you that he is in head
foremost"
- A LAWYER once came into court
drunk when the Judge said to him
"Sir, / am sorry to see you in sit
nation which is disgrace to yourself
and family, the court and profession to
which you belong"
This Ieproof elected the following
dolloquv
"Didsyour honor speak to me p,
"lioiq sir, said sir, that it's my opin-
ion you disgrace yourself and family,
the court md the profession, by your
course am. conducti''
May i-i-it please your honor, have
been an attorney in this c-c-court for
fifteen years /; and permit me to saw
your honor that this is the first correct
opinion thatI ever knew yoi to g-g-
give ~
- There is man in Totness so
witty that his wife manufactures ali the
butter that the family uses from the