The Van Buren press., 1868-06-19
Badset OF SCiss0ringS.
What a Little Boy Thought.

lam q little boy about so many years
old | don't knew whether am a good
little boy. but l'm afraid not, for | some
times do wicked things. aud once cut sis
ter's kittens tail off with the chopping
knife, aud told her big dog came along
and bit il of and swallowed il down before
Kitty could say Jack Robinson and sister
said she was sorry. and it must have been
a very naughty dog but mother did not
believe me aud said she was afraid had
told lie, and I'm afraid had. so then
she asked me il knew where liars went to,
and | said ycs--that they went TO New
York and wrote for the newspapers she
said no-but lake Of fire and bnmstone,
and she asked mo II would like to go
there. and said no; for | didn't think
there would .bo much skating or sliding on
that lake. aud the boys couldn't SNOWFALL
either on shore, and she said it was worse
than that. just as though that wasn't bad
enough, for don't think they could play
base ball neither. Then she asked me if |
wouldn't like to be an angel and have a
harp. and said 10; Id rather be stage
driver and big drum, forI couldn't play
on t'other thing. No. shouldn't like to
be an angel for their wings must be in the
way when they play tag and leap frog, and
beside it must be hard to fly when ono ain
accustomed to it. But it would be Jolly TO
be a stage driver aud have great long whip
and touch up the leaders, and say "g' lang
there. what are yc dom onw | should
like that much bette'n' than fyin' and
then mother said there was dreadful stage
Of sin, and Dot hollered and said that he
guessed was on il" and then she whip
ped us and sent us to bed without any sup
per but didn't care for any supper, for
they hadn't nothing but bread and butter
and tea. and Bob and me got up and he
lifted me in at the pantry window, and we
got mince pie anl whole hat full of
doughnuts. and they thought it was the
cook that stole 'em, and sent her way the
next day. and Bob said he was glad Of it,
for she didn't make good pies, and the
doughnuts wasn't fried enough, and some
times do swear, for said by golly the
othor day, and sister heard me, and she
told mother, and mother said | was "a bad
boy aud | would bring her gray hairs to the
grave, and she whipped me, but don't
think it did her gray hairs any good, and
it hurt me, and when got up stairs said
goli dam it, but said it 50 she didn't hear
me. and when she asked me if | didn't
think | was very wicked, | said | was
afraid | was, and was sorry for it, and
wouldn't do so any more and then she
said | was a good little boy. and told me
about George Washington, who cut down
the apple tree. and was caught at it, and
said he did it with his little hatchet, just
as if hadn't heard all about it before, and
didn't always think he was big stupid for
cutting wood when they had hired man
about the house, and dublin his little hatch
ct, and beside it would have been great
deal jolller to let the trees be, SO as he could
have stole apples off in the fall l don't
care If no was the father Of his country, he
wasn't smart, aud bet you the boys in our
schools would cheat him out of his teeth
swoppin jsck-knives, and | could whip
him and hardly try, and l don't think he
was very healthy either, for never see a
good boy that wasn't always and had the
munps and measles. and the scarlet fever
and wasn't a coughing oil the while. and
hadn't to take caster oil and tar water, and
couldu't eat cherries, ard didn't have to
have his head patted till the hair was rub
bed off by everybody that came to his
mothers. aud be asked how old he was and
who died to save sinners, and what he'd
been studying at school, and how fai he d
got. and lots of other conundrums, and have
40 say bis cathechism A.; no. shouldn't like
to be good little boy; Id Just as lief be
an angel and done with it don't think l
ever shall be good little boy, and other
people think so too, for wasn't never
called good little boy but once, and that
was when my uncle asked me where stood
in my class, aud l told him it was next to
the head and he said was right and he
gave me quarter. and when he asked me
how many boys we've in the class, and |
said there was only two. myself and little
girl, and then he wanted me to give him
back his quarter and | wouldn't, and he
ran after mc and stumbled oYera chair, and
he broke his cane, and hurt himself. and
he's been lame ever since. and I'm glad OF
it for he isn't my father, and hasn't any
right to lick me. for get enough of that
at home, aud the quarter wasn't good
either. 1 don't like Uncle John, and | guess
he knows it. for he says amt like any Of
the family, and he says he expects I'll go
to the sea and be pirate instead Of re.
Specialize member oil society, and l should
not wonder. for | would rather be pirate
than a soap.bo,lcr like him, and I don't
care il he is rich, it's q nasty business and
/ shan't have to be pirate either, for one
can make lots Of money without that and
they are always talking to me about being
rich aud respectable, and going to Con
gress, and being President, and all that
sort O. thing; but don't want to be
President; there is Lincoln, he was Presi-
dent. and ! guess he's sorry for it now
and there's Andy johnson, l guess he
don't like IL much either and a follow