Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1868-06-19

| When l came back from showing poor
Will out didn't I hear squall, aye, and
see one too? Indeed, I might have felt II
besides II had not retired in prompt
time and in good order. But when Jones
retires his wife retires with him. He can
not escape when an evening breeze sets
in. think the worst plaques of Egypt
were the frogs, because they came up into
the chambers.
And so, the next time we met, he magni.
| fed to me Bessie's exceeding good sense,
and her sweet temper, her charming inno-
cence, and entire freedom from fault-fnd-
ing or suspicious temper. Was Ito unde-
| ceive him? Icould not. did not. only
ventured the suggestion that Bessie was a
pretty little simpleton. could not go on,
| and let him into the secret that she was a
forty woman power in watching, in detect
ing, in carressing, in scolding, in beseech-
| ing, in entreating.
He told me that he was going to marry
| her. 1t took my breath away. l could
only say, "My dear fellow!" and clasp his
hand in the most fraternal manner. And
they were married. And I gave away the
bride, with the pleasant vision of happy
home before me, whatever he might en-
| counter. l could see Bessie as often as
| convenient, and love my dear sister more
than ever. She would no more terrify me
with her superhuman sharpness. No
more would her face, like chimera dire,
peep out of my midnight oyster, roasted in
the shell. The bubbles in the champagne
would no more expand into the threaten
ing sparkle of her eye. could henceforth
sing, II won't go hometill morning!' and
do, even as [ sung.
On the whole, | suspect that rather
promoted than retarded that wedding.
Indeed, [ more than suspect. l knoao 1t
| is such good joke! My mother thinks
that if there is perfect man alive it is
Jones. was his advocate. He was my
shield. Indeed, he is still-poor uncon-
scious spooney My mother thinks that
| they keep dreadful hours at her new son
| Williams house; and thus accounts for my
| late-or rather early returns. She does
not suspect that am not there once in a
| week.
Idon't know whether quite convinced
Bessie of Jones immaculate character or
not. But if she does think that she has Sc
cured a man not only entirely superior to
her reckless and extravagant brother, but
to the human race in general, l think a
revelation awaits her. 1t may be pleasant
or unpleasant. If she can appreciate cap
ital fun, and has manly comprehension
of an excellent joke, she will be amused
| for twelve-month; and have, besides, as
| good rod for her dear husband as she
used to swing over her dear brother.
have actually obtained "wifey's" per
mission to take chubby" out for an even
| ing, and without her, too-the pair of fond
noodles! And he, without fear of conse-
quences, has agreed to go. We fellows
are to have right royal, old-fashioned
game and oyster supper. If don't return
my gentleman to Bessie's affectionate ca
resses ripe as quail in good order, and
mellow as the vintage of 40, l have
missed my calculation. 1t is quite time
| that the present state of things was brought
to crisis. | can't have this paragon of
my own creation paraded before me
any longer, as rebuke to my own delin-
| quencies.
Iu-FROM THE BRIDES STANDPOINT.
My husband and my brother are couple
| of well, won't call names. They share
the usual male delusion that women see
nothing and know nothing and that men,
being lords of creation, move in sphere
so exalted that our poor optics cannot
reach, and our dull perceptions cannot un-
derstand them. They imagine that we do
not know that patchouly, and all that sort
of thing, is not the natural balmy breath
of the male of the human species. They
| think that we do not understand that these
things are taken to disguise the flavor of
Lynchburg. They fancy that we do not
know that the Lynchburg aforesaid costs
! from two to eight dollars the pound; and
| that the meerschaum in which it is burned
rates from five to fifty. They suppose that
we are not aware that cigars, at current
rates, cost from ten to twenty-five dollars
| the hundred; that we are SO ignorant of
decimals as not to know the frightful ratio
| in which the sum total increases when the
| combustion of the weed ascends into the
| thousands.
They talk base ball to us as if it were as
innocent and profitable an exercise as
| wood-sawing or ditching. They parade
| the small cost of bat and ball and ferocious
shirt, as if the incidentals of base ball
would not more than cover decent fam
ilys expenses. They are instantly called
| to distant cities on business and they think
that we do not observe that, simultaneous
| ly with these engagements, matches
come off. | cannot tell half the pranks
| that have detected these two gentlemen
| in. They do not amount to much, to be
sure. If they did, would not, at this
present writing, be Mrs. William Jones.
| know the two men like book, and
| think can take care of one of them. AS
to my brother, his wife will look out for
him, when he gets one. And it will not
be very long, think, before that hap
pens. [ have broken up the firm OF
Damon and Pythias, and the retiring part
ner will not be succeeded by another male
| l see something coming, but am ready
Heigh-ho! don't know which is the more
| difficult to manage, a brother or husband
1t has happened. 1 know
Brother Jack so well that | was sure
when he insisted upon Jones' giving him
an old-fashioned evening, without the
delightful but inconvenient appendage Of
| ladies" that he meant mischief.
| At half-past two in the morning I heard
that latch-key rattle as if it had the shak.
ing palsy, or asif the key-hole was playing
bo-peep with the key. In the two gentle.
men stumbled, both with their hats ON
my brother somewhat elevated, my hus
band, dreadfully -yes-drunk The short
est word is the most expressive.
Jack deposited him upon sofa, and then
| turned to me with face expectant, and a
most provoking leer. He waited to hear
such lecture as have given him many a
time. But / had not words for this occa
sion. The truth is l could not speak
should have broken down in tears.
The next silent terrible five minutes
seemed like five hours. Brother John was
alarmed, and, do believe, for the first time
in his life, ashamed. He commenced tC