The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-09-24
Short Paragraphs.

Why is horse the most miserable of
animalsl Because his thoughts are al
ways on the rack.
If you think that it is an easy thing to-.
square the circle, just go and settle your
wife's bill for hoops.
Why are soldiers apt to be tired in the
month of April? Because they've Just
gone through a March.
Two men undertook to see which would
run the fastest. One was sheriff's officer
and the other was debtor.
Mrs. Darlington asks, very Indignantly,
if the Bills before Parliament are not
counterfeit, why should there be such diff
ficulty in passing them :
Sweddlepipes thinks that instead of
giving credit to whom credit is due, the
cash had better be paid. Sweddlepipes
should not be impertinent.
Mister, say, don't suppose you don't
know of nobody what don't want to hire
nobody to do nothing don't you :" The
answer was, eyes, l DON'T"
"Porter," asked young lady of an
Irish railway porter, "when does the nine
o'clock train leave9" 'Sixty minutes past
eight, num-" was Mixes reply.
~ saw an excellent thing in your pam
phlet," said O'Connell to vain young
writer. sch, what, sir 2" was the eager
rojoinder. ga penny bun, my friend"
In the window of a shop in an obscure
part of London is this announcement =
GOODS removed, messages taken, carpets
beaten, and poetry composed on any sub
ject."
"My dear DOCTOR" said lady, 81 suffer
great deal with my eyes," 'Be patient,
madam" he replied, "you would probably
suffer great deal more without them"
'It seems" observe one dandy to an
other at party, "that they give on supper
to night" To which the other replied,
"Then stop my expenses" and cOolly
took off his new pair of gloves.
"Tommy, my son, what are you doing
there with your feet dangling in the wa
ter ~ sTrying to catch cold, ma, so that
may have some more of those cough loE-
enges you gave me yesterday"
Charles: Clara, did poor little Carol
have pink ribbon round his neck when
you lost him2 Clara: Yes, yes, Athe
little dear, Have you seen him9 Charles:
No, not exactly; but here's piece of
pink ribbon in the sausage.
An Ohio editor asks: "What can be
more captivating than to see beautiful
woman, say about four feet eleven inches
high, eleven feet four inches in diameter,
and thirty-four feet in circumference, pass
ing along the aisle?
els anybody waiting on you :" said a
polite dry goods clerk to girl from the
country. eyes, sir" said the blushing
damsel, "that is my teller outside. He
wouldn't come in"
eff ever you have dispute with any
one about money!" said seedy fellow to
rich friend, "just leave it to me-"
A fellow, in an oblivious state, took up
his lodgings on the sidewalk. He woke
next morning and Strengthened himself up,
looked on the ground on which he had
made his couch, "Well," he said, elf l
had a pickax, I would make up my bed |"
During an election time one of the can
didates called upon tradesman and So
licited his vote. 81 would rather vote for
the devil than you'll" was the reply.
''But, in that case, should your friend
not to come forward" said the candidate,
''might I not count on your assistance %
Paddy's description of fiddle can not
be beat: 'tIt was the shape of turkey
and the size of goose; he turned it over
on its belly and rubbed its backbone with
a stick, and och, by St. Patrick, how it
did squaleF'
Some literary mouser has discovered
that the "Editor's Drawer" in Harper's
Monthly is made up by woman. There
is nothing very remarkable about that.
Editors, like other men, must employ fe-
male skill to make their drawers.
A gentleman who had the misfortune
to marry fortune was once exhibiting
the fine points of his horse to friend
"JMy horse, if you please" said his wife
"my money bought that horse" eyes,
madam" replied the husband bowling
sand your money bought me too" That
was good one.
! A very handsome young lady down
East, they say, went whole day without
| going to her looking glass. Her suffer ing
must have been excruciating. On