Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1868-05-29
QDblo, ,Statesman,
CORY O'LANUS.
Explaining why he hosn't Writ
ten about Anything, and what
can be Written about Nothing,
with n DOgmatic Explanation.
and a Categ0rical OuclusiOu.-

with n DOgmatic Explanation
and a Categorical Conclusion.
Lest you mig ght infer from my pro-
longed silence that Ihad moved and lost
my direction-was sick, or had fallen
heir to a fortune and had cut you, just
write to let you know that am we'll
havn't moved, and am financially in
statU quO ante the week before last.
And expect to remain so.
1t isn't my fault that don't pay a
large income tax.
No man is more anxious to contribute
to the support of the Government than
1 am, if l could afford it. But as the
Government won't support my family l
have to do it myself. 0'Tf E00fFr-i
A mans first duty is to his family, but
the Government now makes him pay
duty on everything his family wants.
Man wants but little here below, but
family wants great deal, both above
and below, for boots and bonnets, to say
nothing Of dry goods and groceries,
which ought to be considered in a mar
ried mans income, especially if he is
SN POS.Ou ~ lhSOhlO tfAAs
But that is neither here or there,
though l mention it here, because when
you published the income tax list my
name wasn't there e4 ~,a------e, --rs-y
What meant to write was just this,
that you needn't be surprised if you
didn't hear from me this week, because
1 couldn't think of anything to write
about, the weather has been so wet, and
really nothing has happened. s-rs-h .
If things wont happen you can't
blame me.
l know it is Anniversary week, but as
1 don't belong to a missionary society
for the conversion of Congress, or any
movement for hurrying up the milleni-
um, it don't interest me. iii .-it-
Only 1 do wish the anniversaryists
would hurry up their collections and go
home, SO that we could have some fine
weather.
1t always rains when these folks come
to town.
Which 1 take to be providential
ItSdisgusts them with the city. They
think we live under perpetual showers,
anu IhCf " LuOlI udIIt6 WlluS W
lead drier life. ew rste rT'
And thus we get rid of them. Only
think if these rural oreformers should
settle permanently among us, what our
tribulations might be, measured by what
we suffer while they are in town.
The sunday school anniversary is the
only one hear about, and hear a good
deal about that.
Themistocles and Eliza Jane belong
to Sunday school. and being engaged
as leading vocalists for the Anniversary,
they rehearse every day at the piano.
ado you wonder that can't write any
thing2
And the Anniversary don't come off
for nearly three weeks! I shall try to
bear up with all the fortitude of my nat
urally heroic nature, but if you should
hear of anything, don't be surprised.
If it should happen, speak of me not
as I was but as 1 might have been.
Extenuate all you can, and set down
nothing to Madison, because 1 don't owe
him anything; he didn't legislate me on
to commission at five thousand year
with deputy at twenty-five hundred to
do all the work. t-s. '.t-'.
l am really sorry. that I have nothing
to write about, but mans ideas will
give out some time. Even Homer some
times nodded and some people will nod
over Homer.
Which L don't wonder at, particularly
if you read him in the original Greek.
Homer was an original Greek, you
know; his family name was O'Meagher;
but was abbreviated into O'mer, which
some wretched Englishman pronounced
Homer, and it has been spelled that
way ever since. Q
This is one of the wrongs to Ireland
that Fenians will one day redress.
Mrs. O'Lanus has been quite low
spirited over the wet weather, as. she
couldn't clean house, and to give her
some recreation, took her to see "Un-
der the Gas-light."
The railroad scene quite upset her
nerves-it was the thrillingist thing she
ever saw. She thought it was a little
too real, and that horse car would be
less trying.
You might suggest this to Mrs. Con
way. StSf 20 F5- "a. !; -Ht
Pierson or Richardson would lend
her car 1 dare say; and city car with
sixtyfour passengers in it and a real
conductor would look very natural. dT
The last time wrote 1 mentioned
that had lost my dog. o.
/ found him the day after-or rather
he found himself, and came home. He
didn't stay, however; he seems to have
adopted himself in another family, and
only comes to see US occasionally
which conduct I regard so very migrate
full to Mrs. O'Lanus, who brought him
up by hand when only pup, so we have
concluded to let him go. Henceforth he
is no dog of ours.
Since the notice of his loss was pub
lished, received half dozen letters
from as many different parties, each in
forming me that they had found my dog,
and that I could have him by calling at
their houses.
2As / never had but one dog, and
know where he is, there must be coun-
terfeit dogs in circulation, and give
public notice that 1 won't redeem them
We had another loss in our family
our cat died, and the fact becoming
known, through Themistocles telling all
the boys he plays with, We had five cats
sent to the house within two days after.
wards. -..-..
This display of neighborly sympathy
was touching to our feelings, but five
cats were little too much.
If any more of my friends wish to
console me with live stock, should pre-
fer something else, such as horse or a
canary. ~,