The weekly North-Carolina standard. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 186?-1869, 1868-11-04
Cousin Sally billiard.



l.dBT THE LATE, HAMILTON C.. JONES, ESQ.
-o.iT-', -Hi a.s- ..''sl
ScENE-1 Court Of Justice in North Carolina.
+. A beardlcss disciple of Themis rises and
thus addresses the Court ,"May it please
your Worships, and you; Gentlemen of the
jury, since it has been my fortune good or
bad will not say to exercise myself in le-
gal disquisitions. it has never before befallen
me to be obliged to denounce breach of the
peace so enormous and transcending as the
one now claiming your attention. Amore
sbarbarous direlul, marked and malicious
1assault--a more willful, violent dangerous
and murterous battery, and finally, more
diabocal breach of the peace has seldom
happened in civilized country, and dare
say it has seldom been your duty to pass
upon one so shocking to benevolent feeling
as this which took place over at Captain
Rice's, in this county, but you will hear
from the witness. The witnesses being
sworn, two or three were examined and de-
posed--one, that he heard the noise. but
didn't see the fght-another, that he saw
the row, but don't know who struck first
and third, that he was very drunk, and
couldn't say much about the scrimmage.
Laooyer GIGP;c--i am sorry, gentlemen, 10
have occupied so much of your time with
the stupidity of the witnesses examined. 1t
arose, gentlemen, altogether from. mlsappre-
hension on my part. Had / known, as
now do, that | had witness in attendance,
who was well acquainted with all the Cir
cumstanees of the case, and who was able to
make himself clearly and intelligently I'M
derstood by the court and jury, should not
so long have trespassed OF your time and
patience Come forward, Mr.. Harris and
be sworn. e..H f-- y,r.T r..afaE
4. So forward comes the witness, a fat, chuf
fy looking man, a '.leetle' c0raed, and took
his corporal oath with an air. ,....-..-..-
:. G0ps.-Mr. Harris We wish you to tell all
abou; the riot that happened the other day
at Captain Rice's, and as a good deal of time
has already been witnessed in circumlocu
tion, we wish you to he as compendlous and
at the same time as explicit as possible.
!. Harris "'Edzactly, giving the lawyer
a knowing wink, at the same time clearing
his throat-Captain Rice. he gin treat, and
cousin Sally billiard, she come over to Our
house, and axed mel my wife, she mough'nt
COL told cousin billiard that my wife was
poorly, being as how she had touch of the
Rheumatics in the hip, and the big swamp
was in the road, and the big swamp was up,
for there had been heap of rain lately but
howsomever as it was she. cousin Sally Dill
lard, she mought. go. Well cousin Sally
billiard tfenExed me if Nose, he mough'nt
go. told cousin Sally billiard that Nose,
he was the foreman of the crop, and the crop
was sniartly in the grass; but howsomever
asst was She cousin Sally billiard, Nose, he
mout go. d la a-7E .t ias@s3 a.
-isChoDs.--In the name of common sense,
MIR. Harris, what do you mean by this rig
marole2 aa
Witness Captain Rice, he GIN treat,
and cousin billiard, she come over to our
house and axed ME my wife, she mout'nt
go?Y told cousin Sally Billiard af.
Oops.-Stop, sir, if you please; we don't
want. to hear anything about cousin Sally
Dillartland your wite-tell us about the
fgbtat Riees. ~ f 80 sa,l =.ats "
Kitaess:--Well, / will, sir, if you will let
me.
IsCAops--Well, sir, golen. s5re3
ajFatness.-Well, Captain Rice, he gin a
treat4 and cousin Sally billiard, she come
ogersto our house and axed me if my wife,
she ,mought'nt go.ila 1a.l, etU.t ls sra-i
usChops- There it is again-witness, wit.
ness, Isay, witness, please to stop.
n Witness Well, sir, what as you want
.CQps-We want to.know about the fight
and YOU must not proceed in this imperti-
nent story-do you know anything about
the matter before the court? .,.....
Witness-To be sure do. o.
Chops AWill you go on and tell it and
nothing else -pa if1s9ts.
Witness. Well, Captain Rice, he gin a
:. Chops.-This is intolerable May it please
the Court-I move that this witness be com
United for contehipt-ile seems to me to
be trifing with the court. Hts ''i-
shCoaTt-Witness, you are now before a
Court of Justice, and unless you behave
yourself in n more becoming manner, you
will be sent to Jail SO begin and tell what
you,kpow about the fight at Captain Rice's
llWitBess, Charmed We'll gentlemen, Cap
tain Rice, he gin a treat, and cousin Sally
Dlilard-7f.tai sil. ut .cs5i,. 4 -.,.- b 4....
Chops-I hope that this witness may be
ordered into custody. oiys5l
s.C0art,t CATER deliberating) Mr.Attorney.
the Court IS of opinion that We may save
time by telling the witness to go on in his
oNh way ioCSe'', 4iI- ilaITlS, WIN your
story, but stick to the point. ESQ.,.
Witness. Yes, gentlemen; well, Captain
Rice, he gin treat and cousin Sally Dill
lard, she come over 70 our house. and axed
me if my wife, she moughtnt 60. told
cousin Sally billiard that my wife was poor
ly, being rs how she had the rheumatics in
thehip, and the big swamp was in the road,
and the big swamp was up but howsomev.
eEasiit was she, cousin Sally billiard nv
wife, she mought go. Well, cousin SalTJy
Dilardlthen axcd me if Nose, he mouphtnit
go.gsI told Cousin Sally billiard as how
Nose, The was the foreman of the crop, and
the crop was smartly in the grass; but how
someyer, as it was she, cousin Sallp billiard,
Nose, he mout go. So on they goes together,
Nose, my wife. aud cousin Sally billiard, and
they. comes to. the big swamp, and the big
swamp was pas | was telling you; but
being as how there was q leg across the bio
swamp, cousin Sally billiard and Nose, like
genteef folks, they walks the log. but nv
wife, like id fool, hosts up her. petti.
coats and waded, and, gentlemen. that's al,
alIi'know about the fight at Capt. Rice's.