South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1868-02-21
WIZ AND HTNIOR.
EoPon svil-Negro suffrage.
Es-A bad husband beats his wife.

EsFA had husband beats his wife, aud
bad wife beats the devil
es0- Straws aud ladies sskirts show which
way Tie wind Bows.
Ao Women are generally in quest Of
SahethIpe. ssCenquest seems to suit 'em a.
bout as well as anything. .r
CEO Uncle Specs Hodges, in the
Virginia Convention, Ff;aav sid he wan
ted to make constitu tion that no ramif-
cation could butt down lie wanted ies-
'tiee done. He wanted fi1Eteors men to
prevailj and he wanted "hiddun talants TO
be took out Of The yar;h"
~ Lynchburg papers say the young la
dies are giving leapyear's parties, and thus
have entered 'manfully2 upon the exercise
OF the privileges to which this year enti-
ties them.
No DoUBT CoRREcr--It is said to lie
satisfactorily demonstrated that every time
n wife scolds her husband she adds wrin-
kle to her face. Ii is thought the announce
ment OF this fact will have the most saluta-
ry effect, especially as il is understood that
every time wife smiles on her husband it
will remove one of the old wrinkles.
Es'-A famous Judge came late to court
one day in busy season, whcreat his clerk,
in great surprise, imputed Of him the rea-
son. a child was born his honor said,
and I'm the happy sire 'An infant Judge 2
ooh, no SAID be, as yet he's but cricr.'
Eg-A Gentleman was Gliding his son
for staying out late Of uights-or rather
early Of next moruing-aud said why,
when | was Of your age, n'y father would
not allow me to 20 out of the house after
dark = Then you had deuce Of Il father
--.Yoa had snecrcd tue young proGigate.
Whercupon the father very rushiy vocifcr-
ated Il had c3nf5unicd sight L~t.er Il
than you have, you young rascal /"
Ec;" IN old gentleman was sitting upon
the bank Of river fishing most patiently.
Suddenly vicious little dog stole up be-
hind him and gave him spiteful snap
through his pantaloous. 'Whew . cxclaim-
ed the old fisherman, I've got bi,cat last.
Ey' Why is = roostcr setting on a fence
like a silver half dollar Because it is
heads en- one side and tails on the other.
BsD~A radical bad taken a likely Young
contraband to train as waiter. The first
step was to clothe him in a rim suit Of
coarse blue cloth. The experiment prom
a plantation hand, was learning rapidly.
The following morning he appeared 10 W lit
on the table, with one leg Of his pan.aloou,
apparently torn from the hip down to The
ankle. why, Cwsar, what Is the matter =
said the lady. 'Mi-sus, said he solemn
ly, q ripped it; l wanted to see it aop.'
E. \ charity scholar under cxamina-
ton in the Psalms, being asked. What j.
a pestilence that walketh in darkness ?
replied, please, sir, bcdbugs'
EE-A Berkshire paper says that fcl
low in that vicinity went counting his Girl
on Monday evening, nnl wishing to be
conversational, obseryed The thcrmom-
okron is twenty degrees below zolon this
evenin.' Yes iunoccntly replied the
maiden, such kind of birds do ny higher
some seasons of the year than others.
EE The pastor Of city church was
catechising the pupils Of his Sabbath school
and remarked
Remember dear children, that God is
everywhere.
The words had hardly escaped his lips
wien roguish little fellow rose up and
said to the pastor
'I@SC sil "iu gu say b{i was every
where "
'Ycs, my sou e. yvhcrc
rs he il my pocket?
Yes, ho i. in your pocket
Well | guess I've got you there was
the triumphant rotoGt because l amt
got any pocket
Gsy'Patrick told bis swccthcars he
could not slapc for dreaming Of her
Es5~Two sailors were sitting in tho Gun
vale Of their ship drinking crcg Til, is
meat and drink sail Jack, and he f.,l ov-
crboarl as be was drinking Now you've
got washing and lodging coolIy remarked
Tom.
EG Whom does a man have 20 keep H.,
werd when no one will take IL.
e. When Is silence likely 10 get wet {?
W hen itreicus.