Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1868-05-01
RanisEp1neIpG of the PresiGlenG---Bopt1
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ed to the wonderful, starless hole in the sky
discovered by Manager Boutwell,, and fixed
upon by him as the most suitable point for the
final exit of Mr. johnson To this dire pun
ishment, for the invention Of which Mr.. B. has
doubtless alread taken out patent right, MIR.
Evarts offers the following improvement. lie
says:
Il may as conveniently at this point as after
ward paw some attention to the ASTRONOMICAL
punishment which the learned and honorable
manager (Mr Boutwell, thinks should be APP
Dlied to this novel case of impeachment. Cice
re, think it is, who says that a lawyer should
know everything, for sooner or later there is
| no fact in history, 10 science, or IN human
knowledge that will not come into his argu
ment Profoundly sensible of my ignorance
being devoted to "a profession which
sharpens and does not enlarge the mind,
| can admire without envying the su-
| perior knowledge e7inced by the non
orable manager. But nevertheless, while
some Of his colleagues were paying attention to
an unoccupied and unapproprlated island on
the surface of the seas, Mr.. Manager Boutwell,,
more ambiguous, had discovered an untenanted
an unappr0priated region in the skies, laugh
teri reserved, he would have us think, IN the
final councils of the Almighty, as o place OF
punishment for convicted and deposed Amer
can Presidents. Laughter. Now, at first, |
| thought that his mind had become SO enlarged
that it was not sharp enough to observe that
/. the Constitution had limited the punishment.
| But on reflection | saw that he was as legal
and logical as he was ambiguous and astrono-
mical for the Constitution had said removal
| from Office" and has put no limit to the dis
| lance of removal, great laughter so without
| shedding drop OF his blood, or taking pen
ny of his property or ironing his limbs, he IS
sentenced to removal from office and transpor,
taton TO the skies Laughter. This is the
| great undertaking, and if the learned manager
! can only get over the obstacles of the laws OF
nature, the Constitution won't stand in his
way. Laughter.
can think of no method but that Of con-
vulsion of the earth that should project the
deposed President to this infinitely distant
sphere; but a shock OF nature OF SO vast an en-
ergy and so great result might unsettle even
the firm members Of Congress. Laughter.
How shall we accomplish it? Why, in the
| first place, nobody knows where that space is
but the learned manager himself laughter
and he is the necessary deputy TO execute the
! Judgment Of the Court. Let it then be pro
vided that 10 case Of your sentence OF deposl
ton and removal from Office the honorable
the astronomical manager, shall take into his
| own hands the execution OF the sentence. =
| The President made fast to his broad and
strong shoulders, and having essayed the
flight by imagination, better prepared to exc
cute it 10 form, taking advantage Of ladders as
Jar as ladders would 90 to the top Of this high
| Capitol, and squirting then with his feet the
Goddess of Liberty, let him set out upon his
fight laughter while the Houses OF Congress
and all the people Of the United States shall
shout, ''sic itur ad aStrd. Laughter long and
continued Here an oppressive doubt strikes
me- How will the manager get back How,
when he gets beyond the power OF graVltatlon
to restore him, will be get back? And so am
bilious wing as his could never stoop to a
downward flight No doubt, as he passes
through tle expanse, that famous question Of
Carlisle, by which he points out the littleness
of human affairs, What thinkseBootes of
them as he leads his hunting dogs over the
zenith in their leash Of sidereal fire p will oc
cur to the manager What, indeed, would
Bootes think OF this new constellation laughter
looming through space beyond the power OF
Congress to send for persons and papers
Laughter Who shall return, and how de-
| eide in the contest there begun in this new re-
volutiou thus established? Who shall decide
which is the sun andwhich is the moon? Who
| shall determine the only scientific test which
reflects hardest upon the other? Laughter.
SWISS IMIIGRATIoN.-We mentioned some
weeks ago the presence in Virginia of Captain
E. Fl. PIumacher, of the Swiss army, commits,
sioner of the Swiss Emigration Society, who
visited the State with view demonstrating its
adaptabiity to the settlement of Swiss emf
grants. We had yesterday an opportunity Of
learning what impression had been made upon
Captain P, through the privilege Of reading
very able paper he has prepared setting forth
| the superior attractions Of Virginia and the ad
| jacent States over those Of the West. This
| paper shows that the writer comprehends the
subject fully, and that the preference he ex-
| presses is as decided as it is we'll founded. We
ara not at present informed as to the plans Of
Captain P, but from his official position in
connection with immigration, and from the
presence in the city at this time Of the Swiss
Consul General of the United States, we augur
important results.-hicI. Wing.
FAUoUER COUNTY. Gen Schofeld has com
muted the sentence OF death, pronounced last
Saturday by Judge Thomas, of the Circuit
Court, on Washington Fletcher, of this county,
who was convicted at the late session Of the
court for the murder of Mr. Earnest Hunton,
in New Baltimore, last election day, to FIVE
years Imprisonment in the Penitentiary.
The brick store formerly owned by Messrs.
Smith 4 White, on the corner OF Main and
Culpeper streets, was sold at public auction on
Monday last and brought s4.775. Purchased
by Mrs. Berkeley Ward
From all parts of the county we have graft
flying Intelligence Of the prosperous condition
of the growing crops, The wheat in all sections
looks remarkable fine and healthy, and there is
every indication Of a large yield. Wareeaton
Sentinel
Mr.. James T. johnson, of Bedford an able
lawyer, made speech in that county a few
days ago. in which he explained the "home-
stead provision in the proposed constitution
showing, first, that it was clearly violation