The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1868-02-14

. on my Wedding morning, strips me
= even of my evening costume, clothes
: me in an ornamental tie and white
satin waistcoat, and produces me ma
> liciously before the public eye in the
/ character of an outrageous snob.
!; We now come to the Bridegroom &
, first degradation. 1t is the morning
of the marriage; and the welding,
: party is setting out for the hurch.
, Here is Etiquette's order of tie car
: riages:
! sin the first carriage. the principal
: bridesmaid and bridegroomsman.
''In the second carriage. the second
bridesmaid and the bridegroom s
!, mother
/ "Other carriages, with bridesmaids
/ and friends, the carriages of the
bridesmaids taking precedence.
''In the last carriage, the bride and
her father"
i Where is the bridegroom in the
programme? Nowhere Not even
la hackney. coach provided for him
How does he get to church Does
he run, in his ornamental tie and
white satin waistcoat, behind one OF
the carriages Or has he seat on
the box? Or docs he walk, accom-
panied by two policemen, to prevent
him from taking the only sensible
course left,--in other words, from
running away. We hear nothing of
him until it is time to undergo his
second degradation; and then we find
him waiting in the vestry, "where he
must take care to have arrived some
time previously to the hour appoint
ed. Observe the artifulness with
which this second degradation is
managed. If the bridegroom only
arrived at the church five min
utes before the appointed hour, he
would appear in the estimable char
acter of a rigidly punctual man, who
knew the value of time, Especially
when you have an ornamental tie and
a white satin waistcoat to put on. J
and who was determined not to waste
the precious moments on his wedding
morning. But Etiquette insists on
making a contemplate fool of him
all through. The beadle, the clerk,
the pew opener, and the general pub
tic must all see him "kicking his
heels to no earthly purpose, some
time before the hour when lie and the
sexton know that he is wanted. Con-
slider the bride dashing up to the
church door with her trsin of car
rlages then, look at the forlorn snObI
in light grey trousers, humbled by
insult and wasted by persecution, who
has been dancing attendance "some-
time previously to the hour appoint
ed," in lonely vestry; and then say
that Etiquette does not punish the
lords of creation severely for the Of
fence of getting married.
But the offence is committed-the
marriage has heen perpetrated--the
wedding. party returns to breakfast
the bridegroom, this time, having a
place in the first carriage, because
the law has made a man of him at
last, in spite of the bride and family.
But the prosecutions are not over yet.
They assume small, spiteful, social
character, in terror of the aforesaid law
The breakfast Is eaten. Drink, the
last refuge of the wretched, partially
revive the unhappy man who has been
kicking his heels in the vestry. He
begins to lose the CALLING sense of his
white satin waistcoat Le forgets that
he is personally disfigured for the oc
casion by an ornamental tie. At that
first moment of comfort, vindictivel
Etiquette goads him on to his legs,
and insists, no matter whether he can
do it or not, on his making speech.
He has hardly had time to break
down, and resume his chair, before
Etiquette sends the bride out of tn e
room to put on her travelling dress
The door has hardly closed on her,
when fiend (assuming the form of a
bachelor triend) attacks him with ga
short address" (see page seventy
nine, to which he is expected to-
respond" Give him time to show his
light grey trousers once more to tile
company, above the horizon of the
table cloth-give him time to break
down again-and the bride reap
pears, ready for the journey. This
is the last chance the family have, for
some time to come, of making the
bridegroom uncomfortable and Eli
quette shows them how to take the
meanest possible advantage oft:
"The young bride, divested of her
bridal attire, and quietly ~eostumed
for the journey, now bids farewell to
her bridesmaids, and lady friends
Some natural tears spring to her gen.
tie eyes as she takes a last look ut the
home she is now leaving. The ser
wants venture to crowd to her with
their humble, though heartfelt con-
gratulations and, finally, melting,
she falls weeping on her mothers
bosom. A short cough is heard, as
of some one summoning up resolu-
tion. 1t is her father. He dare not
trust Lis voice but holds out his
hand, gives her one kiss, and then
leads her, half-turning back, down the
stairs and through the hall to the door,
where he delivers her to her husband,
who hands her quickly to the car
riage, leaps In lightly after her, waves
his hand to the party, who appear
crowdiDg to the windows, half smiles
to the throng about the door, then
gives the word, and they are of, and
started on the voyage of life %
There are some parts of this final
programme Of persecution to which
/ have no objection. Irather like the
idea OF the father being Obliged to
express parental grief by the same
means which he would employ to ex-
press bronchitis-a short cough. Il
am also glad to find that Etiquette
involves him in the serious gymnasticI
difficulty of taking his daughter down
stairs, and Of 'half turning back" at
the same time But here all senti-
ments of approval on my part end.
From the foregoing passage / draw
the inferencs-as every one else
must-that the bridegroom is kept
waiting at the street-door for the
bride, just as begging letter impos-
ter is kept waiting at the street-door