Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-07-03
wise u t<s Otherwise.

Sheet music--Tho cry OF children
in bed.
Every one has his trials--every
one except JEFF Davis.
The man who swallowed the story
whole was nearly suiiocaIcd.
David's sling did not make Goliath
"dead drunk" but "stono dead"
Why is dancing like new milk
Because it strengthens the calves.
I'll. Mice and women. One harms the
cheese, and the other charms the
he's. ...-.
Mary's mouth costs her nothing
for she never opens il but at another
expense. -s.u...
A Georgian politician says of an
opponent that he would be IAN ave. =
age hog in any drove
Susan to Gus, who has q sparkling
diamond in his shirt bosom; why,
/ think ii ever so much more bril-
liant than its weareC.'
DO you like Owen Meredith p
asked the poet Of his. rural friend.
Il don't like Owen Meredith or any
other man. was the reply.
t. A traveller break fasting at an Ar
kansas hotel requested the waiter to
take his cup of coffee out into the
yard and pump some of the water
out of it.
The Mount Pleasant Journal says
: the reason why Clay Dean does not
wash himself is because he is afraid
the Democratic party. might lose
ground.
Among the visitors to General
Grant on late occasion, was Grip
Piled soldier, who extended his only
hand. saying: Il have one hand left
to shake with and vote for General
Grant.
It is said of an eccentric lady of
penuriOus habits that she was so effect
ell 10y charity sermon on certain
occasion as to borrow dollar from
her neighbor and put it into--her
own pocket.
An Illinois editor claims the cham
bion dunner's belt for a gentleman of
Jacksonville, in tits State, who dun
ned man on his knees i'll church,
and compelled payment before he
would allow him TO resume his prayer.
UNwHoLEsONE YOUTH to young
lady at piano; Il am also very mu-
steal. I sang 'Woodman spare that
Tree last night, and there wasn't a
dry eye in the ROOM
Cruel young lady: Were you
alone?
wen do you tink de world will
come to an end?' asked O German
oh, probably in about three months,
answered a joker. lilo, veil, / no
care exclaimed Hans, with smile
Of satisfaction, l be going to Clinton
dis spring
HOME. TIP IN Toward county
there is rumhole with the word
Home written over the door, which,
iio doubt, has special reference to the
fact that those entering that door,
reach their long home surely and
soon.
An old lady who pretended to
know all about it, says the only way
TO prevent steamboat explosions Is to
make the engineers boil their water
OH shore. In her oppinion. 'All
the Dustin is done by cooking the
steam on board the boats
The lessons of adversely are often
the most benignant when they seem
the most severe. The depression Of
vanity sometimes enables the feel
ings. The mind that does not
wholly sink under misfortune, rises
above it more lofty than before, and
is strengthened by affection.
How fortunate I am in meeting o
rdiJlbeau in this Storm said young
lady who was caught in shower the
other day to her beau Of promise who
happened along with an umbrella.
And /, said he, calamity, am as
muth rejoiced as the poor Laplander
when lie has caught raiRdeer.'
Gardening for ladies: Make up
your beds early in the morning; sow
buttons on your husbands shirts; do
not rake up old grievances protect
the young and tender branches of
your family; plant smile of good
temper in your face, and carefully
root out all angry feelings-and ex-
pect n good crop of happiness.
A huge Indianian in England, be-
ing profusely thanked for having
rescued lady from the attack of
ferocious dog, which he seized by the
throat and throttled, said, OF course
was glad to help the 00i, but what
wanted most was to give that con-
demned English cur some adequate
notion of the American eagle!'
A youth Oh his first visit to Port
land saw the land across the harbor,
and cried cat to his father: ooh,
father, han't Cuba over there, where
all the molasses and oranges come
from p The noble sire turned upon
his worthy offspring, and with dig
niiied and scornfui expression an
swered: No, you fool; Cuba is
more'n forty miles from here y
An Indian came to certain agent
+ In the northern part of iowa, to pro-
. rior. who had been bitten by a rattle
/ snake.
-Four quarts! repeated the agent,
j with much surprise, AS much as
+ that?'
4 Yes repliel the Indian, four
quarts -snake very big
The Rev. Gilbert Haven says of
speaker Colfax: His face is a ban
quoting house. His tone, grace, and
air are of the pieasantest. He puts
you at ease with yourself in mo-
ment You say of his address as you
do of the best poetry and prose
nothing is more easier to immitate.
Yet not one in ten thousand can copy
it. Every public man we ever
saw, unless ii be Governor Andrew,
is stiff TO Schuyler Colfax and An
drew had nervous twitches of the
eye and face and voice which Coltax
never exhibits
"GENTLE ANNA" Dickinson, said in
a late speech: If | were the last
woman i'm the world, / would stand
one foot on the Rocky Mountains
and one foot on the White House,
and If expected every moment that
the last crash would come unless
recanted, / would still swing the
American eagle by the tail and shout,
Crash away, Republic,' as down !
would go amid the fragments of
creation" There is pluck for you,
but if that tail should Slip, what then
4'Gentle Anna?" a" 800
Il wish your sermons hadn't so
much rapping paper!' was the crit
icism lady once ventured to give
l.