New-York tribune., 1868-02-17
TILE KOKS or HEDLOCK.

The first step toward curing an evil is the
indication of its cause. If it be true, as we
continually hear it repeated, that the marriage
institution is coming into disrepute, that young
men avoid it, that an increasing number OF
those who do not avoid it cease to respect its
laws and purposes, and undermine its tounda-
tions while they support its superstructure, 1t
is worth while to ask what there Is in our
modern views and practices to encourage such
a state of things; for there must be something,
and something that is neither local nor incl
dental The common explanation is that our
extravagant habits of life render marriage inn
possible at the period when it is most attractive
and desirable, namely, in youth. In word, young
people cannot afford to marry. Well, If they
cannot afford it, they will not do it, as rule.
We all know that weddings are few In hard
times, and it is better that they should be. 1t
is certainly foOlishness, and il comes very near
being a crime, to incur extraordinary and indef-
mite expense when ordinary expenses are only
too heavy But they who are in this predlcament
are seldom in it for long time; and while they
are in 1t they cast no despite on marriage
They would marry if they could, and the pru-
dence that fOrbids their marrying fOrbids their
living unregulated lives. Most of those who
practice celibacy on the pretext of economy
are persons who could afford very well to
marry if they would be content to begin life
with simple, honest, wholesome comfort to be
increased as life went on. But they must have
everything at once. They must start where
their parents left off. They must dash away
at top speed, with horns blowing, and stream
ers flying and the eyes of their fashionable
friends looking admiringly on. 1t is not pru-
dence that restrains these people. 1t il not
thrift or foresight 1t is simply vanity. They
love their pleasure too much to foregO any
portion of it for the satisfaction of matrimOny.
Love in a cottage, or on fiat, or Oft the Ave-
nue., is not to their taste. They must have love
and an establishment. Moderation and matri-
mony are seldom incompatible. Magnihcence
and matrimony commonly are
Extravagance, no doubt, is the grand foe OF
wedlock. But extravaganza has its cause, and
that cause is the love of pleasure. This is
predominant feature of our society, not of
ours peculiarly, but of ours more universally
than of any other. Matrimony stands immedi-
ately in the way of this passion. 1t restricts
freedom; it limits the range of desire; it di-
yides the purse; it diminishes the means OF
indulgence; it involves thought for others; 1t
implies care; it suggests self-restraint and de-
nial; all very unpleasant things for bright
young hearts to contemplate. There are de-
lights to be given up, and things undelightful
to be accepted. In our community pleasure is
open to all. Everybody aspires to opulence, If
he does not have it, and thinks luxury his right.
Imaginatons are heated, and desires are glowing,
opportunity is various and qualifications are
close at hand and the brilliant ivers set the ex-
ample which is infectious. Through all classes,
wedlock pulls in these CANDY kites. Childbirth
is painful. 1t mars beauty; it destroys bloom; it
takes away the softness of the flesh; it renders
the wife less attractive to the eye than the
mistress was. The mother must stay at home in
the nursery instead of going to the opera, the
theater, or the ball. She must watch her children
when she would rather drive with her husband,
and must hear them cry when she would in
fnitely prefer hearing him read OF talk. Children
are expensive, too; the more of them there are
the fewer bronzes and pictures. There must be
the fewer laces and jewels, the fewer cloaks and
hats, the fewer journeys, the fewer dinners,
and suppers, and merry -makings. And so
childbirth is avoided, If possible by honest
means but, these failing, By means dishonest.