The Planters' banner. [volume] (Franklin, Attakapas Co., Lou.) 1849-1872, 1868-04-11
WIT AND HUMOR.


anv other month Because he has just had
March of tllirtyone days
! W. notice an advertisement Of milliner's
feathers" for sac. The milinnrs from whom
these feathers were plucked,. must have
been little ducks. -
! Why is a hungry hnv lonkinr ut a plum
Pudding like wild hnr.pl Because he
would be all the better with bit in his
mouth.
| a vine leaf of pink silk. with glass dew
drops pendent from it is the latest style of
/ bonnet ont ia Paris. A fig lrnf was once
| the latest style of costume in Eden.
There was wicked boy who. when he
was told that the best cure for palpitaiion
Of the heart wes to quit kissing the girls,
said. il that is the only remedy for palpita-
tion. 1say. let it palp!"
Two vSsng ladies in Springfield. Mass.
/ Who wanx.lfo do the leap year business up
brown, tsstrtel too Young men tn the park
the ether day. hired skates. put them on the
young mems feet, were attentive in every
possible way. and fnally-stole the skates
A German has invented an apparatus hy
which thunder is made visible through the
ohiect-gla. Of telescope. Guppy. who is
much married. says that he has often made
| it visible by the use of an ordinary wine
glass.
A Irishman. only short time in this
country. was eating boiled green corn.
After eating nff all thu corn he passed the
cob back toshf lady who sat at the head If
the table. saving: "Woulh You please he
so kind as ~ put some more beans Oh the
>thick !"
"Can bid mister 7" roared out a cnun-
try lnoking individual at recent auction in
Boston. - Crtainly, you cam replied the
| auctioneer. with a gracious bow; amy ora
can hid that wants to-" Well. sir"
proudly replied the fellow. -" l bid vou good
night" and pushed his way out into the
street. rs
Dr.. Johnson was observed bv a musical
friend If his to he very nattentive at a con-
cert while celebrated sol" player was Civ
ing an extraordinary performances upon his
violin. His friend, to induce him tn take
greater notice Of what was going on. told
him how extremely difficult il was. -. Diff
cult do You call it sir '' replied the doctor,
:" wish ii were impossible"
A Cincinnntian says: Talk about filters!
just "a: a quart of Ohio river water. and
stand in tine sun for FIVE minutes. and you
vii find the aforesaid coming out Of you at
every pore. beautiinly fiitrred, while your
stomach becomes converted into sana-bag.
and You can hear the gravel rattle as you
| walk"
PeovrRBs PRESERVED By joshua Bill
,INes, Eso.-Dont swop with su,p r-la-
shuns unless yu kin afford to Civ them the
| big end of tie trade.
Mary young, and if sirkumstances require
| it, often.
Be eharitahla-l cent peeees were made
! bat vnur owD. 1t costs more 10 borry than
it dug to hye.
Eft IL man fatters WI. yu kan kaIkerlate
that he ia a rag or yu're fule.
Keep both ise open, but don't see more'n
half.
4 gentleman was once riding in Scotland
nv bleaching ground. where woman was
at work watering her webs of linen cloth.
He asked her where she went to church. what
she heard on the preceding day. She could
not even tell the text Of the last sermon
| ..And what good can the preaching do
vou." said he, :. if you forget it all -
b" Ah SIR replied the poor woman, /" if
you will look nt th's web ON the grass. you
will see that as fast as | pnt the water on it
the sun dries it all up; and yet, sir, See it
rows whittier aud winter
| SIGHs.-It's good sign to see a man do
an act Of charity bad sign TO hear him
boast of it.
It's good sign to see an honest man
waari. g his old cln,hes-bad TO see them
| filing holes in the windows.
| It's good sign to see man wipe the
| rer-piratinn from his brow-bad to sre him
wipe his chops as he comes out "f a cellar.
/ It's good sign to see woman dressed
with taste and to see her hus-
band sued for her fnrry.
! It's good sign tu a man advertise in
the papers-bad to see the sheriff advertise
for him.
= Ir's good sign to see man sending his
lchillren to scl,ool-had to see them educated
at the evening school in the street.
/ A SEA SICK TRAaEDIAN.-Sea sickness
is leveler t" which the strongest succdmo.
leaving nothing hut the desire t" touch terra
firma again. An eminent artist, who has
recently made most successful tour in
CaIifprnin, returned East by st-amer.
) Scarcely had the ship got out If sight Of land.
: before the Thespian was laid by the heels
with NAL de mer. In the depths of his d+pair
h. called for the captain. and when that
worthy arrived the trsg+dian gazad at him
> for few moments and then asked:
t Are you the captain !"
> IL have that Io; or" suid the son of Nep-
. VERY ven. want you to run this
f blasted ship ashore. Ill pay for her. hull.
ei nes and cargo
= The cap;uin smiled and told his unhappy
{ passenger it was imp"r>ible.
/, ..very we'll. sir. Tie to her a rock, then,
= and stop this blasted rolling"
. . Being assured that this was also impossl-
. BILE. the wr-tched actor retired to his state
a room. and lying there in Immortal agony,
. curs-d the sea and all that appertaned to i,
with oaths both loud and deep.
= Now. it so happened thai. t.ihe Rev. Mr.
r Cladband. Who haakcollrctad a large amount
Z. If money in California. {" purchase fine tooth
z coubs and tracts for the Digger Indians, was
j lon his way East t" in,est his funds. and
e nccupie.: the state room next to the actor >
: Hnrri.ied at the roars of the sick lion, h,
i walked into his state-room just as be lrt of
p another v"lley Of anathenas. which extortet
!. d e.. groan from Chabhand.
: :" "Halow ;" said the player. "are yo'
!. sick,''
d Sick at heart, brother" was the rcspcnst
! " to hear you use such bad language"
IL .It is a bad habit" said the wre.che
'i artist. q" but hang it, sir. here I've bee
turned inside ,cni for three days. threw u
everything possib!e.and if I'm sick any Ion,
ir CURSE me it don't think | shall ,hrow up IN
" ebgag-mens III New York. Blast the sra
,e Don't. my dear sir. don't earse :
"f n..emeuiber one who was patient under rla
,is grratcr suffering than yssArs"
e!i The traget!ian roe, 70 his fuil hight. a