Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1868-03-25
Swallowing a Live OYSTER.

-Ptfhf cary.
Swallowing Live Oyster.
At late hour one night the door of an
oyster house in st. Louis was thrust open and
in walked a hero from the Sucker State (Illi-
nois.) He was quite six feet high, square
countenance, and his hands pushed down close
to the bottom of his breeches pocket His
outer covering was hard TO define, but after
serveying minutely, we come to the conclusion
that his suit was made in his boyhood, of
dingy, yellow, linsey-woolsey, and that having
sprouted up with astonishing rapidity he had
been forced to piece il out with all colors. In
| spite Of his exertions, however, he had fallen
into arrears about a foot of the necessary
length, and consequently stuck that far
through his inexpressibles. His crop of hair
was surmounted by the funniest little seal
skin cap imaginable After taking posi-
ton he INDUCED in long stare at the man
opening the bivalyes, and slowly CALCULATED
listers ?"
Yes, sir" responded the attentive opera
tor" and fine ones they are too"
Well, I've heard of isters afore, +" says he,
" but this is the first time I've seen em, and
perhaps I'll know what they are made of afore
| get out Of town"
Having expressed this desperate intention,
he cautiously approached the plate, and scru-
tinized the uncased shel-fsh with a gravity
and interest which would have done honor to
the most ilustrious scarcher into the hidden
mysteries of nature. At length he began to
solioquize on the difficulty Of getting them
out, and how queer they looked when out
Z" never see things hold ON so-takes an
emazn' site of swearin', hoss, to get 'em out,
and amt they slick and slippery when they
does Gomez Smooth as AN eel I've good
mind to give that fellow lodgn, just to realize
the effect as Uncle jess used to say about the
speculation"
"Well, sir, down with two bits, and you
can have half dozen"
Two bits :" exclaimed the Sucker, that
is stickin' it on right strong, hoss for listers
dozen on 'em amt nothn' to a chicken, and
there's no getting MORN a picayune apiece for
them. I've only realized forty-fve picaynnc-
on my first venture to st. Louis. I'll tell
you what I'll gin you two chickens for doz-
en- if you'll conclude TO deal"
\ wag who was standing Icy, indulging in
dozen, winked to the attendant to she'll out,
and the offer was accepted
Now, mind repeated the Sucker, all
iair--you'ro witness, mister turning at the
same time to the wag, none of your tricks
for I've heard that you city felers are mighty
slippery coons."
The bargain being fairly understood, our
Sucker prepared himself Tor the onset, dclib-
erately put off his sealskin, tucked up his
sleeves, aud fork in hand, awaited the appear
ance of No. |. 1t came-he saw--and it
was quickly bolted!
A moments dreadful pause ensued The
wag dropped his knife and fork with II look
of mingled uuazement aud horror-something
akin to Shakspeare's Hamlet seeing his faith
er's ghost-while he burst into the exelama-
ton;
Swallowed alive, as I'm a Christian"
Our Sucker hero had opened his mouth
with pleasure moment before, but now it
stood open Fear--a horrid dread of he did
not know what--a consciousness that all was
not right, and ignorant OF the extent of the
wrong-ihe uncertainty of the moment was
terrible. Urged to desperation, he faltered
What on earth is the row2"
Did You swallow it alive2" inquired the
wog.
:" swallowed it just as he gin it to he !"
shouted the Sucker.
You're dead man p exclaimed his anx-
ious friend the creature is alive and viii eat
right through you, added he in most hope
less tone.
" Get pizen pump and pump him up"
shouted the Sucker in lrouzy, his eyes fairly
starting from their sockets Oh gracious,
whatll do, its got hold of my innards al
ready, and l'm as dead as chicken DO
something for Iae,-don't let the internal sea
toad eat me aiore your eyes
why don't you put some Of this on itP
inquired the wag pointing TO bottle of strong
pepper sauce,
The hint was enough the Sucker, upon the
instant, seized the bottle and wrenched out
the cork, aud swallowed half the contents at
a draught. lie fairly squealed from its eff
lects, and gasped and blowed and pitched aud
twisted, as if it were coursing through him
with electric effect while at the same time
his eyes ran a stream of tears. At length
becoming little composed, his waggish adj
wiser approached, almost bursting with sup.
pressed laughter, and inquired;
" How are you now, old ielow,-did you
kill it2n
"Well, did, hoss-ugh, ugh--oh my in-
nards if that ister critters dying agonies
didn't stir eruption in me equal to II small |
airthquake, then 'tan't no use saying it, but, |
and here with eountenance made up of sup
pressed agony and present determination he |
paused to give force to his words, ard slowly
and deliberately remarked
II you get two chickens from me for that