Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1868-01-03
SCRAPS.

TOW would you measure your lover SIN
ccrity? BY bis sighs.
Why are book-keepcrs like chickens be
cause they have to scratch Tor living
Why is making honey like whipping?
Rscauee il is bee lab3ring business
What proof have we that there was sew
ing in the time Of David We read that he
was hcmmod in on every side.
A Husy barber is said to be like teie-
graphic wires, because he runs from poll
to poll
The first thing hen says to her brood,
and not the last thing child says to It's
father 80 Shell out.
Men should be careful how they ridicule
women in their makeup IN dress. The
chief difference IL the sexes concerning this
matter is. that the padding Is put in differ
ent places. Men have their soft spots AZ
well as women
A smart youth borrowed a stick Of candy
from little comrade, to show him that be
could pull it out Of his ear. He swallowed
it. and then twisted himself into various
ways 10 extract il, but at length informed
his companion that be had forgotten tina
part Of the trick.
EPITAPH or a DcC.
Paws stranger, paws Here lies poor Jack,
His case was truly hard
A dog that over four feet stood,
Lies buried in a yard
4 man who suffers some thus essayod re
llrlr aoh
Meeting friend. he SAID -" l rode o-o-ver
to PSlast night. to hear Miss D-d-dIckin-
son She is a wo-wo- wonderful woman. II
was so s-s-still while she sp-sp-spoke, you
could have PIP picked up pin ~
On the tombstone over the graves Of a
husband and wife are the following lines
Within this grave 90 lie,
Back to back my wife and
When the last trump he air shall ill,
II she gets up I'll just lie still.
Punch makes frugal housewife address
a butcher, Oh, Mr.. Stockings, 1 see by
the daily papers that the price OF meat ha'
fallen twopcnce a pound. 1 think you
ought to make some reduction IN you,
charges" And the butcher % W cry SORT
mum. but we don't take in no daily Daper
num-
\ young man in New Jersey rece nifty sho
himself, and the coroner certified as follows
Having viewed the dead body Of the SAFE
Clemence Moore, and made inquiry respect
ing bis death. | do certify that | am SATISFIED
no guilt attaches TO any person BY mean
OF SAID death, and that the SAID Clemenc
on the 18th day Of December inst, himsel
voluntarily, and Of his malice aforethought
did kill and murder
Infantry man to cavalry man sc | say
mister, you are mighty like a brother o
mine the hogs eat up"
TIE cavalry man did not relax a muscle
but gazing " tar beel'' straight in the fac
replied
Well, my friend, It's a monstrous pit,
they hadn't finished the family while the,
t0ar a eatiH'.'
Years ago, wien the PROJECT Of a rout
20 the west through the Hoosac Mountain
was first started, the late Rev. Tboma
Whittemore, President Of the Vermont &
Massachusetts Railroad, WIS in the Western
part Of the State, and an enthusiastic tunne
man was urging the importance and feas-
ihility of the enterprise - Why" said he
look at the route. It seems as If the finger
Of Providence had POINTED it out. -" "Wha
a pity aid the old minister, 4" the fnge
hadn't p thr0sgh The mJuEtaia!'
Fireman arc sometimes some on Drag
Ono If the Big Sixos" men was tellin
how he rushed INTO 9 burning building {
rescue a child. The flames, cut off Ii
egress, and drove him 70 the fourth story
lie opened one of the windows and Gale,
out: Il say, Jakey, jus you bring tb
old squirt down 70 the kerb, put on n three
inch nozzle, and let her coue" Jakey he
put on the nozzle, the TOYS manned tn
brakes, M comes stream as big as
bolony and a. stiff as poker. | jus
wrapped the litle IN il The old coat. po
my legs and arms tight round the stream
and Sid down TO The pavement withou
hurtin' me or the child Il you ion't br
lieve ii, you can just come down t. tb
house and see tie baby, go