The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-07-30
Short Paragraphs.

some wretch OF an editor says that au-
other twist of the ladies' hair would take
them off their feet.
"Can she cook ~ is now the inquiry
among marriageable young men South.
They learned the Importance of that art
in the army.
"Nlargary, what did yon do with the
talaw that 'Dlr. Jones creased his boots
with to-day 2"
''PIease marin, l fried the griddle
cakes with it.p
"Lucky for you, I thought you had
wasted it."
Show fortunate I am in meetings ram
beau in this Storm" said young lady
who was caught in shower the other day,
to her beau of promise who happened to
come along with an umbrella. Sand l."
said he CALAMITY, Sam as much rejoiced
as the poor Laplander was when he caught
the reindeer"
A gentleman while walking in his gar
den caught the gardener asleep under
tree, He scolded him soundly for his
lazipess, and ended by telling him that
such a laggard was not worthy to enjoy
the light Of the sun. ''It was for that rea-
son, exactly" said the gardener, ''that l
crept into the shade"
A glutton Of fellow was dining at
hotel, and, in the course of the "battle of
knives and forks" accidentally cut his
mouth, which being observed by man sit
ting near by, he called out:
81 say, friend, don't make.that ar hole
in your countenance any larger, or the rest
of us will get nothing to eat"
eve know of an old woman" says
country exchange, "who went into the
poultry business sometime since, under the
expectation that she could make a fortune
by selling eggs, but has quit it in disgust,
because, as she contends, "the heus will
never lax when eggs are dSar, krt'al ways
being as soon as they get cheap"
A Leader of music in church where
congregational singing was practiced, Sc
lected a tune with the wrong metre, to be
sung to the words:
"With hyssop purge my soul, 0 Lord"
He tried it twice, when some old lady
'cried out:
ri say, mister, you had better try some
other yarb.
Mr.. Fuller, Methodist preacher, found
it necessary to exc out scanty living by
selling sermons. He called on lady in a
parish where he once labored. As he an
nounced his errand, the lady expressed
her horror and surprise "What Mr.
Fuller, thought you labored for souls,
and not for money" Fuller replied "a
minister can't live on souls, and if he
could, he'd soon depopulate such region
as this''
| A handsome young peddler made love
to buxom widow. He accompanied his
declaration with an allusion to two imped-
iments to their union. "Name them,"
said the widow. ''The want of means to
set up . retail store" They parted, and
the widow sent the peddler ample means.
When they met again, the peddler had
| hired and stocked his store, and the smil-
!. ing fair one begged to know the other i'm
pediment. 81 have another wife," cried
the notion dealer.
/, A Schoolmaster in a neighboring town,
while on his morning walk, passed by the
door of a neighbor, who was excavating a
i log for q pig-trough.
j .Why," said the schoolmaster, 'Mr. S.,
have you not furniture enough yet"
i "Yes," said the man, "enough for my
own family, but L expect to board the
schoolmaster this winter, and am making
preparations"
"a jealous man, who was on visit to
u London, was induced to call on clarivoy-
ant and ascertain what his wife was doing
at her residence, some ninety miles away.
"She is sitting in her parlor," said the
lady, Sand she looks out of the window, as
if in expectations"
Strange" said the gentleman; "what
can she expect?"
@SOme one is entering the door! she
caresses him fondly."
"Horrible p interrupted the gentle-
man, thinking of the Divorce Court.
Snow he lays his head in her lap, and
looks tenderly into her eyes,"
dreadful! she shall suffer for thisw
"Now he wags his tail,n continued the
, sleeper; and as this explained the story,
old JealOusly decamped, aud resolved not
to be inquisitiye again with regard to his