The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1868-09-12
VARIETY.

Why doe- n person who Is poorly, losc much of
his sense Of touch? Beause he dosen't feel well.
Good blood will always show ITSELF the
old lady said when she struck by the rccincss
of her
Almost every young lady il public-spiritcl
enough To have her fathers house used a. n court
house
IL l. n great convenience for n doctor To- have
two patients in the same street, 80 Inc can kill
two birds with one stone.
a husband ON being told, the other evening.
that his wife had lost her temper, said he was
glad OF il. for it was n very bad ONE
The credit system has been carried to n pretty
fine point in some districts, If we may judge from
the following dialogue, said to have recently Oc-
CURED between a customer and the proprietor
TIaOw's trade, square," "
Wall cash trades kinder dull naow, major
dun anything ter day."
Wall. onIy n leetIe-On credit. Aunt Betscy
Pushard has had an eggs worth Of tea, and got
trusted for it till her spcckc'l pullet lays"
vt wedding, after the clergyman had united
the happy pair. awful silence ensuest which
beconlins rather irksOme To- n young gentleman,
he cried out, - You need not be 30 unspeakably
happy"
Two Young ladies' holding converse over the
virtues Of n new dress. >. And does IL fit well -
asked one. - Fit? Yes; ~ If had been melted
and poured in
n
sequesterrd part OF his grounds Tor hi- private
study showed il 20 n friend, rcmarking, - Here
sit reading from morning tIll night and nobody n
bit the wiser
Isn't there N strong smell OF pigs7" said
yatchtsman at Ryde 70 n brother yatchtsman
uame, smith. - lies, replied smith, .. that's
because the wind ~ sOw-west-'
Some iica of the Chicago grs light may be
gathered from the Elct Of the boy who puts them
out in the morning carrying a lighted lantern
with him. On being questioned as To the reason,
he replied that he - couldn't hud the burned gas
posts without It,"
.sSaIIy Mandcr safe {, . said Mrs. burlington
~ her eyes fell an advertisements. =. Do tell
me. I-nac, who tiis sally IIandcr i, and what
she's been doing that they g,t her safe?'' IL
don't know what she's been doing" said Ike,
but guess she il n sister 10 Jerry :. Jerry
who. I-aae?- =. Why, Jerry Mander.' said
Ike, ~ he resumed his work by the window,
catching lies and imEalins them.
To CREAM StLx.-Evcry housewife has some
specific for taking stains or blemi-lies, spots OF
grease or print. from woven goods; but all thus
Gir are objectionable, IL not from injurins the
cloth. at least from their bad OdJr. OF late
wears, however. there has been extensively used
IN France AMI over the continent preparation
invented by UnSgrcr. which ~ IN every respect
perfect. This j. EihroiHs, n pure culoricss
huid which removes every bleInish from the most
delicate silks, cloth, vevets, satins, linen cot
ton. and which j. as invaluable for kid gloves.
6sl5 hats oil paintings. IL - prompt in its
ton, certain and without offensive smell
wm,r RrN WILL Do.-Somc years ago, in one
or she counties Of New York, worthy man
dccOved into ~ licensed tavern, and tempted To
drink until he wus drunk. In the dclirium of
Drunkenness. be went home and murdered hi-
wife In the most barbarous manner lie was
carried 10 the lil while drunk, and kept through
the night. Awakening IN the morning and look
ing around upon the walls and seeing the bars
uron the window. he exclaimed:
.. T. this Tlil2"
Yes, YOU are in n pill - answered some one.
% What am I here for ? " was the earnest in
qtiry.
- For murder" WIS the answer.
With still greater astonshncnt and earnest
ness he inquired, 8. Does my wife know it
.. Your wife know IL - said some one, - WHY.
il was your wife You have killed.
On this announcement he dropped suddenly, ~
The had been struck dead. Let IL be remembered
that the constable who carried him 10 Ilil sold
hun the liquor which caused his drunkenness
the justice who issued the warrant was one Of
those who signed license, and the sheriff who
hung him also sold liquor and kept n tenpn alley.
PoPrLsE FlLLtcEs.-TIat you can receive one
dollar day, spend two, and get rich.
That the man who don't pay for his breakfast
can raise the money 10 go into n circus.
That 10 do one favor, and then refuse him
another. won't make him twice a. mad ~ If you
had refused him the first.
That when a friend presents you hound it
will cost YOU nothing.
That when yOu buy on credit, knowing very
well you will not pay, it Is not stealing.
That next years taxes viii be lighter.
That every other man Is to die except you.
mat 1t you nave good cau-e in love, war. or
hw, pitch IN, you are bound To- win.
mat you can play draw poker and lose just so
much and no more
That there is one way known only TO Yourself,
10 break faro bank
mat when you buy horesc lie Will be certain
% turn turn out ~ represented.
mat h You always say what you think, you
VIII win the regard of the eStire community.