The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1868-06-24

PosT OFFS CoNFEDRIT X ROADS,
| (Wich is in the State NV Kentucky,)
June 16, 1858.
The selectin NV delegates to the New
York ConVenshun hez been botherin
us in several ways for several weeks
past. No one wanted to go, and 1t wu2
voonanimously decided by all that Ell
the Corners WIZ represented at all,
must be the man. l objected, for Their
amt no profit in SIGH trips. Ordinarily,
I Good cheek my expenses. Hotel
keepers are but human, and L hev new
er yet failed 10 stick EN-, but with a
Democratic convenshen in full blast it
wood be hopeless enterprise. With
ten thousand like me, all "A goin on
With ten thousand hungry, thirsty,
empty-pockited soles wOt Good 1 do
Therefore felt that Good not go. 1
wrote to A. j. to know efhe wood allow
per diem, transportation and mileage
to delegates, to wich he ansered:
"SIR-For witch candidates do your
delegates perpose to vote?"
This crooel epistle settled me.
couldn't go there pledged to him, becoz
eff he shoodent be nominated wat wood
become of my Post Offs? Wood his
successor continyoo me in place, who
he'd been active in support NV another.
Finally the day for our convenshun
EhIll6s uuu VIC llubCUlll " uA
nominated, but he declined. Deekin
Pogram wuZ offered the honor, and he
declined. and so did McPelter, Issaker
Gavitt, Podhammer and the rest NV
EN-. We passed all the first day in
tryin to get one who wood stick, but
nll in Yane. Mite came-We adjourned
till nine the next mornin, when we re.
soomed our unsuccessful endeavOr to
persuade each other to go to Moo York.
Another day was thus fruitlessly spent,
and still another and another-the last
leaVin us no nearer our haven than the
first. And so n week passed. We met
every morninin, cnaxed, begged and
swore at each other till mite, only TO
meet and go through the same formula
the next day. felt that, onless suthin
wuz done, the Corner wood go unrep-
resented.
On the eighth day, at about ten in
the mOrnin, Deekin POgrAm's youngest
boy, q tair-haired lad OF fourteen sum
mers, who resembles the Deekin to IA
degree quite Complementary 20 his
mother, came in with the Moo York
Day Book, witch the Deekin takes but
never reeds. The. Deekin tossed 1t over
to Bascohn, who opened 1t, and red a
mint, when his face changed instantly.
Help said he, to himself, and then he
RrOZe:
"Mr. Cheerman," sed he, 'to end
this Improbable session, wood say
that I hev reconsidered my determina-
shen. will go to Moo York ?"
The Convenshen wuz thunder struck.
Wat did it mean! The Deekin seized
the paper, and glancin over its columns,
read painfully mint and sed that he
ence. az shell be delegate myself"
sed he.
By this time McPelter read it, and 1
got it and read this paragraph:
LET the Western Democrisy beware.
They must come, on the Fourth, prepared to
encounter bribery and corrupShen. Belmont
and the VAL street clique heu rdtscd 81 800 00OO
10 be yooSeti in The purchase uU delegates % de
feat PendLeton.
The Deekin pertested agin Bascom q
goin. "Yoo dan't be spared, )" shrek ed
he. "Who will run the biZnis in yoOr
absence? Is Their a man in the Cor
ners 700 dare trust inside yoor bar n
mint? No, will CO."
"Not 500 shrieked McPelter, 81 will
go ez delegate. hev borne the heat
and burden NV the day. wuz with
Forrest, and now that Their is chance
to make suthin-that is, now that Their
is a posfshen NV prof-wich is to say
honor, want it,"
Isaker Gavitt, with face pale with
disappointment, that he hadn't taken
it when il wuz offered him, swore that
ef the GaYitt family wuz to be over
looked, why the sooner DemoCrisy Wuz
buried. the better.
Somewhere in the course NV my
readin' / cum across an account Nv the
trouble that wuz perdooSt in mythology
ical heaven by some cuss who tost in a
golden apple, labelled "to the tairest, :"
or words to that effeck. The announce.
ment that Belmont he'd a million and q
half to invest in delegates wuz the
golden apple wich set us in uproar.
Every cuss in the convenshun wanted
to be a delegate immejitly, and the re-
suit wuz, the entire bilin come to blows.
l he'd the northeastern NV seein Bas-
com with his fingers clutched in the
neck tie NV the venerable Pogram,
Issaker Gavitt and McPelter wnz Sim
ilarly engaged, while WIZ a dom my
level best to restrain Podhammer from
massacreein me. He'd not Joe Bigler
and Pollock arrived opportoonly, the
entire Democrisy Nv the Corners wood
hev bin wiped out on the spot.
1t wuz finally settled by THROWN dice
for it, witch rool ought, by the way, to
be adopted by all Democratic bodies
everywhere. Randall and McCulloch
heV practist it with distinguished sue.
cess In maxim their appointments. Say
Their are twenty applicants, or, to get
any given place. Very good. The
head NV the department assertains first
eff they are all DfmOcrats. Then three
hundred clerks are detailed, each clerk
representa- applicant, and they throw
dice, the lowest retiring every throw,
ontil one is victorious, and the man
represented by him gifts the place. 1t
saves vast amount NV labor in the
eggsaminashun Nv certifikits nv carak-
ter and fitnis. DC; and besides, its i'm
parshel. All the appointments are now
| made in that way at Washinton.
We adopted this device, and 1 wuz
made delegate and Pogram alternate,
the agreement bein that whatever we
got over expenses wuZ to be divided
ekally. Then holy calm succeeded
the storm NV pashen wich he'd ragged.
We go, nv coorse, uninstructed, fer
obvus reasons. Eff we wuZ instructed
wher wood be the objick Nv our goin?
1t is not SIGH that Belmont will go fur.
The uncertainty NV the result nv the
convenshun Il say uncertainty, for
who kin tell witch candidate hez the
most money2) hez occasioned me vast
amount nv trouble. I hev bin laborin
assldyusly to git our people into a
frame nv mind to be enthusiastic over
the nominee, no matter who 1t is, or
wat platform he is put onto. To bring
this about hev he'd EN- In front NV
Bascom's every mite for week train
ing nv EN-. 1 ranged them in a row
and taktn my posishen in front, give
the word like melishy offiser.