The Union flag. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1865-187?, 1868-04-03
Josh Billings.

laF
in the NeU York Weekly with the fol-
lowing " monografs": X
Tie Jealous Mans is alwuE hunt
ing ~ ,,s.,g. 8I
I Ho is alwuz d hunting for gum.
thing that be don't expekt tew Ind,
and after be haz found ii, he iz mad
bekause he haG. These fellets don't
beleav in spooks, and yet they are
about the only folks who ever see en-
ny, A jealous man IL alwuS happy
list in proportion as he il nlizerable.
4 Jealousy III disease, and it is q
good deal like searsickness-dread-,.
tul sick and kant vomit. .,g
The Anonymous Nan boards at q
red tavern, and pays for biz board By
tending bar occasionally. He amt
got no more karakter than the jack
Nv spades haz when be aint trumps.
He il loafer by professhuu, with
out emmy vices. ''t'.'.' ~
Herides on the box once in while
with the driver andnobody thinks Nv
asking for bis stage fare. q"
He sprung from q arespektable fam
| lily his grandfather wuz a justiss NV
the peace; but he haz not got vanity
eautf tew brag about it.ag faae
He amt necessarily phool, emmy
more than a buR's-eye watch iz; if
/ ennybody will wind him pahe will
sett still and run quietly down.
The Sfif Han locks down when he
walks upon folks. He don't seem tew
| have but one timber jinte 10 him, and
and thotis located in biz noze. ~
! He ia a kind Nv masculine turkey
on parade in barn-yard 'RS ifre
] He il generally loaded with; wis.
\ dun clear up TO tew the muzzlc, and
| when be goes oph, makes a noize like
kannon, but don't dew emmy dam
mage, VI u"t Apb gsiH t5aA y
4 j hav seen him fire intoa eFowdand
! miss evry man. - 'ts
4 This kind Nv stiff man il very han.
| dy .tew fiatters They seem tew know
they aintentitled tew a'goOd article
| and therefore are satisfied with very
a bard soap, ..
4 There aint but tn men who Git stit
on what they acktunlly know; bu
most ailruv them sit stiff on what theJ
a,ktually pheel, \ ...,.,
Stiff men are called aristokrats, bu
this ain't so. There amt no sicl
thing as ariGtokra rats in this oouutry
The country Amt long ehuff YET
uules man has got sum Indian i
him, .,.,.,. \. sF4g s.sis
Aza general thing, stiff men 81
mad dredhd easy, and hav tew git ov
or il dFedful easy, bekause folks ain
) apt tew'git u big skard at what the!
J aint afraid Nv st 4, s..l A,
4 STIFF nan had grandfather ono
who went'to Kongress from. our dis
|, trickt, and there Rint one in The Who'll
family that haz been ablo tew git lin
Eber sinse. ~ 5Ise 49, 49,, 49, =.
4 The Model Nan never disturbs
heh when she IL setting; never speaz
cross tew,alost dorg; alwuz puts
ave cent shinplaster in bis vest peck
. et late Saturday nitetew hav 1t read
Sunday morning for the church plat
, ter; rizes whenever a lady enters tn
! street karsj remembers yure uncl
plainly, and asks after awlthe family
J, Ii he steps on a kat's tale, be IL sur
| tew do IL light, and immediately ask
, her pardun reads the PhaHHy Pie
Io0s, and laffs bekauze be can't help il
/, hooks up biz wife's dress, and play
. boss with the children. Never med
. dies with the milk In the milk pans
goes eazily Nv errands and Gums bac
) ! in seazon attends every boldly
1 phuneral; kan alwuz tell when tn
| moon changes thinks jist az you d.
} and follows every boddy's advice bu
hisown ! ptactisses most of the vi
J tews without knowing iti leads th
: life Of shorn lamb gifts sick after
. while, and dies az soon as he kan !
: save making emmy further trubble.
r The model mans vices are not feaI
ed, uorhis virtews respeckted. II
! lives in the memory Of the world jls
{ about az long az a pleasant day dui
. He may be called "klever teller,
I and that in only libelj bot be wi
( cit his reward hereafter--wben th
; bids cit theirs. .t.t- 80, i.