Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-06-12


Z" Men scorn to kiss among themselves,
And scarce would kiss brother
But women want to kiss so badly,
They kiss and kiss each other
a LADY REPLIES.
q Men do not kiss among themselves,
It's well that they refrain;
The bitter dose would vex them so
They ne'er would kiss again.
BRIDGEr's LENoNADE.-"B Bridget Bridget!
why don'tyou bring up the lemonade ?'' said
Mrs. s., on the Fourth Of July, from the top
of the kitchen stairs. 'sWhy, marm," said
Bridget wiping the sweat from her red face
with her checked apron, as she put her head
round the staircase partition, why, marm,
you see the ice put in the lemonade is so
hard that it hasn't melted yet, though it's stir
ring it over the FIRE I've been for the last IF
teen minutes or more.
A FRIEND once visiting aa unworldly phil
ospher, whose mind was his kingdom express
sed surprise at the smallness of his apart
ment. "Why you have not room," be said,
''to swing eatI' ''My friend" was the
serene, unappreeiative reply, 81 do not want
to swing cat"
A LEAP YEAR DIALoGUE.-s'M Miss, viii you
take my arm?''
''Yes, and you too
Cant spare but the arm," replied the
bachelor
'PThen, replied she, II shan't take it, as
my motto is go the whole hog or nothing"
THAckERAT used to tell of an Irishwoman
begging aims from him, who, when she saw
him put his hand In his pocket, cried out,
''May the blessing of God follow you all your
life p but when he only pulled out bis snuff
box, Immediately added; "aud never over
take ye"
'JoHS, said gentleman to his servant,
81 am going to church, and if it should rain,
l wish you would come with the umbrella Tor
NE; however, you need not come unless it
should rain downright" The gentleman
went. 1t did rain; but John had gone to the
other end ofthe town to see Mary. Hismas-
Ter came back with drenched garments and
a look Of implacable anger "John," said
he, "Why didn't you bring the umbrella?''
Because, sir, replied John sit rained
slanting."
| TRYIYG TO DEcIDE.-A traveller stopped
at a public house in Maine for the purpose of
getting dinner, knocked, but received no an
swer. Going in, he found little white head
ed man in the embrace Of his wife, who had
! his head under her arm, while with the other
she was giving her little lord pounding.
| Wishing to put an end to the fight, our trav-
eller knocked on the table, and cried out in
loud voice, 'Halloa, here who keeps this
house ?'' The husband, though much out of
breath, answered: 'Stranger, that's what we
are trying to decide"
DUsT AND GTRLs.-A few Sabbaths since
Eda was allowed to go to Sabbath school,
her first time, and there she learned the
startling intelligence that she was made
Of dust Little Edas mind was fully i'm.
pressed with the Importance Of the great
truth, as was eYinced by her frequent refer
ence to the subject in the shape of questions
unanswerable. One morning, however she
propounded a sumner, which brought down
the house Intently watching her mother
sweeping, as if to learn the art she must
hnaily practise. saying not word, her eye
rested on the little heap of dirt accumulated
by her mothers broom. Just as the dirt was
TO be swept into the street, the little philos-
opher burst forth with, Ma, ma why don't
you save the dust to make some more little
girls?n
/ SAN, are you one of the Southern
chivalry p ''No, massa, rse one Of the
Southern shovelry. 1 shovelcd dirt at
, Dutch Gap Canal
The essence Of true nobility is neglect Of
self. Let the thought of self pass in and
the beauty Of action is gone, ike the bloom
from soiled flower
IT is not until the flower has fallen Of
that the fruit begins to ripen. So in life il
is when romance is past that practical use.
/ iulness begins.