Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1868-04-04

| w OIl Dc uCCCocdbN iOi Nhi ~
wait. The men atueHdin the artillery
may. retire to the buzums of their fami-
lies, and those wantin to be formed into
spontaneous professions may be dismiss
ed. The President has concluded not to
be serenaded to-nite." ..~~. -
Jest then band wuz heerd approach
in. "Thunder' p sed Randall, "dare they
play without ORDERS"
But we discovered that it was not the
offishal band. A procession wuz soon a
passin afore the White Hodse heded by
Transparency, onto which was dead
duck with a face wonderfully like his
Eggslency's, and the band bedind WIZ a
playin ded marches and sich, with muf-
lied drums. Four times these heartlis
cusses passed up and down afore the
White House.
"Is it not hidyus," sed the president.
"Served you rite.' sed 1. "Yoo wood
take matters in your own hands-yoo
wood attempt the work NV Statesman
with the qualifcashens Nv police court
lawyer Wretched man." sed l transtix-
in him with my piercenest gaze. "Why
wood you attempt to eat fire whose
mouth is only capable NV Limburg
cheese? With Grant at the head Nv
the armies, why did yoo attempt revo-
looshen? When yoo attempted to drive
Stanton ont, heden't 700 sence enuff to
know that it made direct ishoo atween
VOC aud the Ablishnists from which they
Good not escape, and that yoor death or
theirn wuz inevitable? Yoo made it
necessary for EN- to slay yoo, and in
trooth they have made lively COM
menccment. Moo Hampshire is a fatal
stab, impeachment will foller in 60 days,
and then a long farewell to all our glory.
Good mite, your Eggslency, pleasant
Dreams I'll to my chamber.
And | LETT the man weepin great tears
and bitter ones. 20.
l sent the folierin dispatch home to
the Cross Roads, by TELEGRAPH Twuz
rutber expensive on the government, but
Seward told me that telegraffi1 wuz
legitimate expenditoor, and to use the
wires as mush as | chose.
10 Pogram, Deekin Bascom, McPelter
and GavItt, Jr. Trustees:
THESE GREETIN :-Deerly beloved, /
saloot 700. Not joyfully and with lite
ness NV heart, but OH the contrary, quite
the reverse. We've bustid. Vesti, Vidi.
Vici! wich, the way we traeslate it,
it means, ave com, we saw; and got
squeezed" 1t is my painful duty to in-
form yoo that Noe Hampsheer NV wich
we expected better things, hez gone lu-
matte agin, and has elected hater Nv
us uns and ourn ez its cheet magistrate
In this crisis l direct that next Friday
morning between the hours of and II
A. NJ. be observed ez day OF fastin and
hoomiliation. l wood hev yoo hold SER
vices at the church, but l found that |
he'd brot away the only Bible ill the Cor
ners and it is therefore impossible. Ez
no labor is ever done at the Corners it
amt necessary to direct yoo to abstain
heretrom, but you will give over yoor
yoosual occupashens ez follows:
l. No seven up OF poker playin door
in that period.
2. No hoss-racin, copper-pitchin, fight
in or other amoosement' viii be admiss
ible.
8. And that the flesh may be NORTH
ed to an extent commensurate with the
calamity that hez befallen us, no likker
will be allowed between those hours,
eeptin to invalids and persons Nv extreme
age.
There will be weepin and wailin at the
Corners when this is received.