The States and Union. [volume] (Ashland, Ohio) 1868-1872, 1868-09-23


, 1 had a vague idea was the diet usul
ly perferred by toothless infancy. Br
: milk there was mono. Lamp oil Stew
arts syrup; vinegar; kerosene
= brandy-everything but milk wa
there every known or conceievabl
fluid in aggravating profusion-but nc
a drop of milk. .-........
Ali this time meanwhile, the roar
: of my infuriated nephew, but sligbtl
! softened by distance, followed me abou
l like Nemesis.
rushed frantically up stairs arme'
with lump of sugar, the first sooth
ing expendient that suggested itself t
me.
"Bless it's dear little heart, there
there con found your racket, can
you keep still! Take its sugar from
its own, own uncle, that's good LITTLE
hoy, ..-.... .. ...
But the goodie boy resolutely reject
ed the sugar, screaming louder thar
ever as if its lungs were forty baby
power, and warranted never to tire out
1t kicked, it struggled, it paved the
air grew purple in the face. Ashes oi
King Herod and all the Egyptians
what was a man TO do?
In vain I executed war dance
around its cradle. in vain I rang the
dinner-bell, and jingled the china orna-
ments, and waved the feather duster,
and swung my gold repeater, and bawl-
ed nursery ballads at the top of my
lungs. Talk about perseverance. Rob
ert Bruce's spider was nothing TO the
atrocious little LUMP of mortality.
"There's nothing for it but to capt.
ulate," said to myself, as 1 jammed
my hat on my head, viciously thrust
my arms into my overcoat, and II seized
! the baby out of its CRADLE. a5ni
Leave it absolutely alone I dared
not, and the nearest grocery where
milk was procurable lay full three
blocks off ! Thus, in a sort of stony
despair I issued forth from the house.
carrying my prosecutor like q bundle
under my arm.
1 thought he would STOP crying
when he got in the open air, but not
he; oxygen only seemed to increasethe
shrill power of his villainous little
pipes People turned to stare a. me,
as if I were an escaped lunatic. or an
abductor of infant innocence. Women
looked Indignantly at the baby. Blue
worsted socks and little pink legs kick
ing blindly from beneath my arm.
Children ran after me, dogs barked,
but kept doggedly on my way, walk
ing into the grocery. with resolution
second only to that of the Roman fell
low who jumped into a crater, nobody
knows how many hundred years ago d!
ga pint of milk, if you please ?"
"Milk, sir! Have you brought any
thing to put it in 2"
1 thought of my tobacco box, my
pocket handkerchief, the corner of my
hat, all of these practicable places
for the deposit of the lactcal fluid.
81 never thought of that !" said
righting the baby, who cane head up
permost with a very crimson counte-
nance, and eyes locking defiantly into
mine; eyes that said as they had
spoken in so many syllables, ~ won't
stop crying I'll die first ~
Th storekeeper looked on sympa-
theticaliy-
81 could sell you nice little pitch
er, sir. if"
"The very ideas" interrupted. ga
pitcher Of milk and pleased take the
change out CT this porte monnaie, for
if had three pair of hands l could MT
more than hold this kicking demon
with 'em !"
"Well sir" said the storekeeper, che
does seem a rare 'un for usin' his legs,
let alone his lungs, Yes, sir, tbank'ee
sir !"
Now, l have always since laid it up
as grudge against human nature, that
grocery man took a five
dollar bill out of my porte monnaie,
knowing that should not discover it,
until too late TO rectify the error!
Ct wouldn't have treated Turk so
neanD
1 took up the pitcher of milk with
my right hand, balancing the baby
against my left arm and side,
and started trlumpaantly for homo.
"Now, Ill settle your business, my
fine young friend! 1 thought. ''Is
it possible that 1 was ever such an in
corrigible nuisance as this ?
But my triumph was speedily reduc.
I'd to the lowest pitch of humiliation
"Dcar me, Mr.. Beverly, is it possible
hat this is you? 2"
It was Kate Millions self, radiant in
spring bonnet, lilac silk walking-dress,
close fringed parasol, and the daintiest
# lilac kid gloves Kate Milton, with
IN air Of astonishment that served to
make her one degree prettier than
ever!
My 6rst instinct was to drop my
nephew and his milk into the gutter
md resolutely deny all connection with |
hem my third prompted me resolute-
y to stand my ground. ;
eyes, tits I-a-a fine day." respond ,
ID l.
"Very fine"
Kate eyed me obviously, and no
wonder. One sock, curling aud twist
ng as if serpent were iuside of it in t
tead of a baby's foot, appeared be- s
leath my coat skirts, flanked by about .
quarter of yard of Swiss embroad,
.ry and tucks, woefully crumpled by t
he fiery ordeal through which we had f
10Th passed-the milk, confound it,
lad run down the full length of pearls
.olored pantaloons, and my hat, bent g
nd bruised, was thrust rakishlylon the
ide of my head. I was gloveless,
lusbed and dishevelled, and take me {
'for all in all,'' must have appeared |
like a pick pocket, or an &
Id clothes man ont fnr walk I {