The union Democrat., 1868-02-15
woman-Mark Twnin's Opinion of Her.

| Woman-Mark Twain's Opinion OF Her,
At the annual banquet of the Washington
Correspondents Club, held on the night of
the 18th Of January, the Star reports the 18th
toast as follows:
Woman: the pride Of the professions, and
the jewel OF ours.
Tne toast was responded 10 by Samuel
C!emmeaS, better known as Mark Twain,
who remarked as follows:
Mr.. President: 10 not know why l should
he singled out to receive the greatest dis
tincton Of the eTening-for so the office of
replying to the toast to woman has been re.
garded in every age. Applause. l do not
know why have received this distinction,
| unless it be that l ain a trife less homely than
the other members OF the Club. But be this
as it may, Mr. President, am proud of the
position, and you could not have chosen any
one who would have accepted it more gladly,
or abored with u heartier good will to do the
subject justice, than l. Because, sir. love
the sex. Laughter. l love all the women,
irrespective of age or color. Laughter.
Human intelligence cannot estimate what
we owe to woman, sir. She sews on our but
tons, laughter she mends our clothes
laughter ; she ropes US in at the church
fairs she confdes in us; she tells us what
ever she can find out about the little private
affairs of the neighbors; she gives us good
advice, and plenty Fit; she gives US a piece
of her mind sometimes-and sometimes all
of it; she soothes our aching brows, she
bears onr chlldren-ours as general thing.
In all relations of life, sir, 1t is but Just, and
graceful tribute to woman to say of her
that she is brick. Great laughter.
Wheresoever you place woman, sir-in
whatever position or eState-she is an orna-
meht to the place she occupies, and treas.
ure to the world. Here Mr.. Twain paused,
looked inquiringly at his hearers, and re-
marked that the applause should come in at
this point. ltcame in. Mr.. Twain resumed
his eulegy.] Look at Cleopatra look at
Desdemona look at Florence Nightingale
look at Joan of Arc look at Lucretia
Borgia! Disapprobation expressed. Well,
said Mr. Twain, scratching his head doubt
fully, suppose we let Lucretia slide-Look
at Joyce Heth--iook at Mother Eve. Cries
of ''Oh, oh!' You need not look at her
unless you want to, but said Mr.. Twain,
refectivey, after pause, Eve was ornamen,
tai, particularly before the fashions
changed. l repeat, sir, look at the illus
trious names of history! Look at the Wild
ow Machree look at Lucy Stone look at
Elizabeth Cady Stanton! look at George
Francis Train! Great laughter. And, sir
I say it with bowed head and deepest ven
eration-look at the mother of Washington
She raised a boy that cculd not lie-could not
lie Applause. But he never had any
chance. Oh f! oh 1t might have been
different if be had belonged to Newspaper
Correspondents Club. Laughter, groans,
Kisses, and cries Of "Put him out" Mark
looked around placidly upon his excited
audience and resumed
repeat, sir, that in whatever position you
place woman she is an ornament to society
aud treasure TO the world. As a sweet.
heart she has few equals and no superiors
laughter as a cousin she is convenient as
wealthy grandmother, with an incurable
distemper, she is precious as wet nurse
she has no equal among men. Laughter.
What, sir, would the people of the earth be
without woman? They would be scarce, sir,
almighty scarce. Then let US cherish her !;
let us protect her let US give her our sup
port, our encouragement, our sympathy
ourselves, if we get chance. Laughter.
But, iesting aside. Mr.. President, woman
is lovable, gracious, kind of heart, beautiful
worthy of all respect, of all esteem, of all
Difference. Not any here viii refuse to drink
her health right cordially in this bumper of
wine, for each and every one has personally
known and loved and honored the very best
one of them all-his own mother. Ap-
plause