The Portland daily press., 1868-10-13
Varieties.


The following epitaph adorns q stone
erected by disconsolate widow to her lament
ed husband:
Tears will not recall you, therefore We weep"
TO make a valuable speckled dog bullet
proof, Mark Twain says, Take off bis hide
and line it with sheet iron. Russia iron is the
best, and is slicker and more snowy than the
common kind. Dogs prepared in this way do
not mind bullets"
There viii probably be ten Quakers In the
next British House of Commons. Among
them are the two Brights, Charles Gnpin, Ed
ward Baekhouse and William Slater,
General William Gates, who died in New
York on Thursday, at the age of 80 years, was
in the United States army for 81 years, and
was commanding officer 40 years. He serv-
sd in the FLORIDA and Mexican wars, captured
the famous Osceola, and never reported
sick during his whole term of service. His
second wife, who survives him, is a native OF
this city, daughter of the late Artemas Car
ter, Esq.
AM the English papers ridicule Earl Mayo,
the new Governor-General of India Punch
says his lordship is busily qualifying himself
for his position. He has already finished Ma
cauley's articles on Give and Hastings, and is
now engaged ON an abridgement OF Mills
History of British India. There is a subscrip-
tion started at Cockermouth to present him
him with Hindustani grammar and vooabu-
larry.
An exchange says: "Some years ago Hem
ry H was employed in the Custom
House on the frontier. When the change Of
officers occurred in 1861, H received no.
ice, with others, that his services were no lon.
ger required. H was drafted in 1868 He
took the notice which was served on him al q
went TO the Provost Marshal and said: "It ap-
pears by this that have been drafted?" Yes"
There is some mistake about it, 1 am sure"
said a, "for ,wo years ago received Lo-
tce fiom the Collecter at -, saying that
the Governmen had no further use Tor my
services, and do not think I ought to accept
| this"
Mr.. Dickens, we see it stated, is to have
| $500 900 for a course of one hundred readings
| in England His American endorsement has
made him a made man, and his readings prom
lse to be much more profitable than his writ
ngs, Immensely successful though the latter
are He was born under lucky star, for he
| can earn money with his tongue even more
rapidly than he earns it with his brain.
-"William," said one Quaker to another,
'thee knows never call anybody names; but,
William, if the Mayor OF the city were to come
to me, and say, Joshua, l want thee TO find
| me the biggest liar in all Philadelphia, I
would come to thee and put my hand on thy
shoulder, and say to thee, William, the Mayor
wants to see thee"
| 1t is announced that PATHS husband has
mortgaged his salary for two years. As no.
body ever heard that he had a salary, this Is
supposed to mean that he mas assigned his
wifes income for that time. If so, we should
say that lady has begun to reap the crop raised
| f., IN her husbands sowing of wild oats un-
common,
| gle. S-a..o of RerI;n nphI;sbes
| H.. 80, o opial va '~The body of jour
neymen butchers have given Ia, :. o.
employers that on and after the first O..
Der next the latter will not be permitted to
t1toyer (use the thou anstead of the your
their workmen. Such of the latter as allow
that freedom will be punished"
"A letter written by General Washington
to Henry Laurens, then President of the Com
| tinental Congress, was lately sold iu London
for SO 15s., or about SAT, gold. 1t covered four
large pages, and SO it went cheap. Our diplo-
matte and consular agents ought to be author
lied to bug Up all such letters when they are
brought into the market, as they should be
placed among American state papers.
TIE Duke of Monlpensier, of whom so
much is said, is the third son Of Louis Phil
| Ippe, and is in his 45th year. He married the
sister of Isabella III. in 1896 their union maxi
ing one of those Spanish marriages that help
! ed ruin the Duke, father He has half dos
en- children, and should he be cal ed to the
Spanish throne there would be no danger of
the new line not being continued.
"A New York letter-writer relates how q
| Young artist at the Tenth street Studio build
ing became very much enamOred with q
beautiful lady who sat at a window on the op-
poste side OF the street. He sent most thrill
ing eye-glances up to her window whenever
he passed in or out of his studio. At length,
one day he saw her on the street, and, run
ming in breathless haste, he reached her, all
painting, and gasped out "0h, Miss, your love-
ly blonde hair-I am dying to paint itP The
lady, with quick movement, put her hand to
her head, and then holding it out with her
hair at arms length, exclaimed, Take It'll
there it isl send it back when you are through
with it, and stop staring at my window; my
husband is dreadfully jealous, aud viii thrash
you for your impudence." The poor artist
| took the .lovely blonde hair" braids, curls and
all, to his studio and next day cent them to
their owner He has not been on chase Tor
"blonde hair" since.
-Tostee's dresses as La Grands DsIehssss
cost $4,000. They were made in Paris.