The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1868-12-29

THE BOHEMIAN.
~~-~~Ts~(~~~~~~~~~
The Bohemian in Search Of His whislscy--
How He AccOmpiishes His Task-Iiis Natu-
raj History.
'Wherever there is carrion crows win be plent
full" says old proverp none the less true for be-
ing proverb; and where there is whiskey there Will
gather the Bohemian tribe OF penny-a-liners intent
on plying their trade The putrefed carcass OF an
old horse is as sumptuous meal to the crow as the
promise OF benzne and hot water is an alluring bait
TO the other And there Is nothing from penny
whistle to Italian opera, from dead founder to
live lion, which he will not attempt to crtcise, If
steamng mug OF hot whskey be held up to his vision
garnered by some slices of third rate mutton or,
If the pinnacle OF reward be necessary cheap oyster
stew. Dogs trained in Europe to pun rag carts
along the road by tying bologna sausage to the pole
within smelling distance of their noses, and the
''dumb brutes," as Mr. Henry Bergh would call the
dogs pull away with all their might and increase
their speed to catch the sausage, the bait remaining
at the distance from their greedy jaws and be-
yond their reach The same trick is often practsed
| on mules and asses bundle Of hay straw being
substituted for the bologna teach the stupid animal
| to drawn the load Of the cart to which he is
| htched. And one might tie Bohemian to dirt
cart with Jug OF whiskey OF the kind retailed at
Water street kennels at the end OF the pole in front
| Of him, and he'll drag 1t up Broadway in broad
MONDAY and follow the smell Of the liquor like a
bewdered wanderer IN marsh would q will-o'-the-
wisp.
With grocers, and butchers, ana millers and -four
dealers he has, far, failed in his Efforts The ex-
posure OF his tricks followed him too soon for his
plans to ripen, and he had to desist, He
wanted to make q big haul, and not only
tore his nimsy net IN the attempt but
exposed himself to ridicule and contempt Esop
tells Of frog who, wanting to be big the bull
In the adjoining field blew himself up until burst.
The Bohemian Is the frog In the fable. He began
blowing and roaring assumed unnatural dimensions
patted his protrudng belly and called upon all to look
at him and wonder how big he was growing, when
suddenly he BURST leaving nothing but rent blad-
der, the remnants OF bl0ated nothingness.
The old story Of the three black crows Is an apt
illustration Of how truthfully the Bohemian proceeds
in the gathering Of grst for his sensational windmill.
and to make any attempt to demolish the fel-
| lows gibberish by an earnest array Of facts
would be like leading an army against
sparrows or opposing hundred pounder
Parrot cannon to schoolboys popgun. Mussdus
vun dectpt-the people want to be cheated says he
and In pretending TO expose the cheats the Bohemian
cheats the most And he laughs in his sleeve II he
| finds q few credulous enough to swallow his dcta
and pay him peal ct some oyster cellar for his
important disclosures 81 .s.-
through the city. Time already runs towards noon,
| when he awakes In some down town cheap lodging
house He stretches and yawns and yawns and
stretches. and tries hard TO gather his few remain
| Ing thoughts TO make himself remember WHARF he
had been The night before. The state OF his mind e
yet too nebu0us the fumes Inhaled In the tow Rrog.
gerry, where. In all probability, he kicked out &C
the 'bewtching hour Of midnight are pressing yet
nav on ns s rs aE @ q 70 se @
| II he belongs to the better class OF Bohemians
| he washes himself; II NOT, no. His toilet
first call for whskey toddy TO steady his nerves
As for breakfast he leaves that till he Is invited by
Se wSas Or he %
GUS question with him. The kicks and cuffs he re-
ceived, fguratively, though sometimes less so, ON
change in his pocket is running low and his STOCK OF
pennies and stamps he must replensh His washerwo-
has NOT seen s soap for mcren Week. Even lis
supply Of paper collars has given out and the one on
his neck has already been turned. What then V he
| TO dor Regular employment he has not, and II he
had his irregular habits wonld deprive him OF IT in
week. Meditating upon the opportunities the day
may possibly afford his thoughts revert back again
to whiskey. and whiskey he Is determined to pin
It used to be ..standIngn joke that loafers were
i wont to hover In the nam entrance to the Aston
House about dinner time picking their teeth assdu-
ously, to convey the impression that they had just
while, Ia truth their stomachs were as clamorous
Il for food as that OF Bohemian Is for grog. How
Il ever old ana mucn abused lnlS joke may De- tue
| Bohemian recolects 1t, and straightway he makes
for the Astor, lettering about the barroom like
thirsty dog on a summers day about pump from
u ID G aone SSs KIM ss s'sa
sympathizing journalist with friend or alone,
and seeing the dilapidated specimen Of Bohemianism
loungng about, he good naturally asks him, Have
drink, Dick, Tom or Harryfn .yes, sir,n replies he
OF the bohemian tribe, and imbibes. That's good
liqu0r,r says he. And somebody In the crowded
room, UNCONSCIOUS or being overheard by the Bone.
milan, ventures the remark that things in genera
are not nowadays as they used to bel tllat every
\ thing conspires to make them worse; that even
whiskey is not now what u -sfas ten and twenty
years ago. The bohemian catches at this. He now
has s,get on which to work. Unreasonable guam
titles OF free whiskey loom up in the distance to
| crafty his vision. and dangling to every glass he
sees plenty Of oblong pieces Of paper
with the imprint OF Uncle Sam, SUFFICIENT TO satisfy
his washerwoman, TO replenish his stock Of paper
collars and to pay for tenpence plates Of mutton fol
With these glowing hopes working upon his
fancy he starts of, notebook and pencil In hand
determined to go lat it'' at once. From barroom
| to barroom lies his course. Here he meets with q
set OF politicians for whom he had occasionally done
some mean work in the shape Of paid puflery; there
more OF whom he had 'once upon a time'' been
employed 70 "cook up report OF race 81 .,
| whom know him and have occasional use for him to
make election returns .al right to save their BETS
have congregated, who arc but too glad TO greet the
| Bohemian ps useful tool for their ends; m other
places persons OF equal CHARACTER tnougn VI unccnt
| vocatons are joined. and drinks all round IL the
order everywhere, with an occasional mutton pie OF
plate OF oysters thrown in Thus night comes around
| the Bohemian has taken his notes, had his I'LL Of
whiskey and az little OF subsantals as his stomach
would bear, and he Ia ready TO proceed TO work lie
| counts upon the fact that saloon keepers are Al
| q class "fAil fellows well met" and a little
cajoery. sly hint thrown out nmDly, ike uny ny
| TO q trout he hopes Will bring down his prey. Al
to the rest he proceeds In the same manner, Dsudt'
mutandts, uses nearly the same tricks and devices
l paralyzed In more than one direction.
| UAnd such scamp has the enrontery to get himself
l up e. public censor as public benefact0r. Wher
the three taors OF Tooley street issued their procla
nation In the name OF 'rhe people OF England there
l was more sense In II than In this pompous assump
ton OF the Bohemian. It reminds one OF the Oh
| nursery CONFERENCE.-The blind saw hare, tho
j deaf heard 1t rum lame followed and caught
| Answered. lie, and q big one too.w Considering
the rather repulslve exterior with which thu