Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1868-12-10
MISCELLANY.
Doubly Deaf.

what evil genius prompted the wickedness
which perpetrated towards my wife and an
cient relative.
"My DEAR" said to my wife the day be-
fore my aunt's arrival; ''you know aunt Mary
is coming tomorrow well, forgot to mem
ton a rather annoying circumstance in regard
to her. She is very deaf, and, although she
can hear my voice, to which she is accustomed,
in its ordinary tone, yet you will be obliged to
speak very loud in order to be heard. 1t will
be rather inconvenient, but know you will
do everything in your power to make her stay
agreeable"
then went to John T, who loves joke
as we'll as any person know Of, and told him
to be at my house by six on the following eve
Ming and then felt comparatively happy. |
went to the railroad depot with carriage the
next night, and when was on my way home
with my aunt, I said:
"My dear aunt, there Is one rather annoying
infrmity that Anna lmy wifel has which for
got to mention before: She is very deaf; and
though she can hear my voice, to which she is
accustomed, in its ordinary tones, yet you will
be obliged to speak extremely loud, in order to
be heard. am sorry she is So"
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her heart,
protested that she rather liked speaking loud,
and that to do so would give her great pleasure.
handed out my aunt-she assembled the steps.
al am delighted to see you" shreked my
wife, and the policeman on the opposite side of
the walk started, and my aunt nearly fell down
the steps.
"Kiss me, my DEAR" howled my aunt; and
the hall lamp cattered, and the windows shook
as with fever and ague looked at the win
dow-John had disappeared. Human nature
could stand it no longer. Ipoked my head in
to the carriage, and went into strong convul-
sions.
When went into the parlor my wife was
helping aunt to take off her hat and cape; and
there sat John with his long face Of woe.
Suddenly, "Did you have a pleasant jour
ney ?" went off my wife, like pistol, and John
nearly jumped to his feet.
Rather dusty" was the response, In war
whoop so the conversation continued.
The neighbors for blocks around must have
heard it, when was in the third story Of the
building and heard every word.
In the course Of the evening my aunt took
occasion to say to me
How loud your wife speaks don't 1t hurt
her !"
al told her all deaf persons spoke loud, and
that my wife being used to It, was not affected
by the exertion, and that aunt Mary was get
ting along finely with her"
Presently my wife said softly
calf how loud your aunt talks"
"Yes," said I "all deaf people DO You
are getting along finely. She hears every word
YOU say" And rather think she did.
Elatcd by their success at being understood,
they went at it hammer and tongs till every
thing on the mantle-piece chartered again, and
was seriously afraid Of a crowd collecting in
front of my house.
But the end was near. Ny aunt being Of an
investigating turn of mind, was desirous Of find
ing out whether The e1ertion of talking SO loud
was not injurious to my wife.
doesn't talking so loud strain your lungs ?"
said she, in an unearthly hoot, for her voice
was not as musical as it was when she was
young.
at is an exertion," shrieked my wife.
"Then why DO you do ?" was the answer
ing scream.
Because-because-you can't hear if |
don't" squalled my wife.
What" Ny aunt fairly rivaled railroad
whistle by this time.
1 began to think of evacuating the premises,
and looking around and seeing John gone, I
stepped in the parlor, and there lay he fiat on
his back, rolling from side to side, with bis fists
poked into his ribs; and most agouizing ex-
preston Of countenance; but not uttering a
sound. Immediately and involuntarily as
sumed a similar attitude, and think from the
relative positions of our boots and heads, and
our attempts torestrain our laughter ,appoplexy
must inevitably have enSued if a horrible groau
in which John gave vent to his endsavor to
suppress his risibility, had not betrayed our
hiding place.
In rushed my wife and aunt, who by this
time comprebended the joke and such a
scolding as got then I never got before, and
I hope never to get again.
know not what the end might have been
if John, in his endeavors to appear respectful
and sympathetic, had not given vent to such
diabolical noise, something between groan
and horse-laugb, that all gravity was upset
and we all screamed in concert.
Modesty in woman is like color on her cheek,
iso;1ajIv boeorn;r, /, II ncs MT m