Tama County Republican. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1867-1872, 1868-10-29
S + J. + G r MIS- CELLAN Y
EULOGY ON WOMAN.
BY MARK TWAIN.

At the dinner given by the Cores
pondents' Club Of ashineton, recent
ly, Mark Twain was called on to re-
pond to the usual toast to woman" :"
which he did in the following charac
teristic ST Ne
Mr.. PRESIDENT: | do not know why
| should have been singled out to re-
ceive the greatest distinction of the
evening-for so the Office of replying
to the toast to woman has been re-
garded in every age, (Applause)
do not know why have received this
distinction, unless it be that | am a
trfle less homely than other members
OF the club. But be this as it may.
Mr. President, | am proud Of the DO.
sltion, and You could not have chosen
any one who would have accepted it
more gladly, or labored with heart
Ter good will to do the subject Justice
than |. Because, sir, | love the sex.
uaughter.) | love all the women. sir,
irrespective Of age or color, Laugh
teri
Human intelligence cannot estimate
what we owe to woman, sir She sews
on our buttons (laughterG she mends
our clothes Qaughtcr); she ropes us IN
az the church fairs: she conlities IN us.
sne tells us whatever she can find out.
ABOUT the little private affairs Of the
nelghbors; she gives us good advice
and plenty OF it;she gives us piece
OF her mind sometimes-and some
times all OF i; she soothes our aching
brows. In all the relations of life. sir,
it is but just, and a graceful tribute to
woman, to say tha. she is brick
Great applause)
Wheresoeyer. You place woman sir.
in whatever position or estate-she
is An ornament to that place she occu-
pies, and a treasure to the world.
Here Mr.. Twain paused, looked in
quiringly at his hearers, and remark
ed that the applause should come in
at that point. 1t came in. Mr.. Twain
resumed his eulogv.l
Look at the noble names of history
Look at Cleopatra. look at Desdemo.
ina look at Florence Nightingale look
at Joan of Arcl look at Lucretia Bor-
gia, (Disapprobation expressed
''Well," said Mr.. Twain. scratching
his head doubttuliy, suppose we let
Lucretia slide.) Look at joyce Heth.
look at mother Eve! (Cries .Oh ohm
You need not look at her unless YOU
want to, but (said Mr. Train reiiectiyely
after pause,) Eve was ornamental.
sir; particularly before the fashions
changed. | repeat, sir look at the H.
lustrIous names of history
Look at the Widow Machree, Look
at Lucy Stonel look at Elizabeth
Cady Stanton look at George Francis
Train! (Great lAughter). And sir, l
say it with bowed head and deepest
vencration, look at the mother of
Washington! she raised : boy that
could not lie-could not lie. TAp-
plause. But he never had any chance.
l"Oh. OH 1t might have been differ
ent with him if he had belonged to a
newspaper correspondent club.
Laughter, groans. Kisses, cries of put
him out. Mark looked around him
placedly upon his exoited audience.
and resumed:
repeat. sir. that in whatsoever po-
sitlon you place woman, she is an
ornament TO ,oeiety and Treasure to
the world. As 3 sweetheart she has
few equals ana no superiors[ laugh;erE
as cousin she i. convenient; as =
wealthy grandmother,with an incurable
distemper she is precious; as a wet
nurse She has no equal among men,
Qaughter)
What, sir, would the people..be with
out woman? They would be scarce.
sir,-almiehty scarce, Then let us
chersll--..et US protect her. Let Us
give her our support, our encourage
ment, our sympathv-ourselves, if We
get chance, Qaughter)
But, testing aside, Mr.. President.
woman is loyable, gracious. kind of
heart. beantiful-worthv Of respect. OF
all esteem, ot all deiereace. Not any
here will refuse to drink her healti
right cordially in this bumper Of wine.
for each and every one of US has per
sonally known, and loved, ard honor
ed, the very best one Of them all-hi-
own mother. (Applausel