The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1868-05-13
WHAT 4 LITTLE BOY THOUGHT
ABOUr THINGS.

"ih iiltiC IVY ooout sO many
years old; don't know whether Pm
L good little boy, but I'm afraid not;
for | Sometimes do wicked things, and
once cut my sisters Kittens tail off
with the chopping knife, and told her
a big dog CAME along and BIT It of
and swallowed it down Before kitty
could say Jack Robinson, and sister
said she was sorry, and it must have
been Il very naughty dog, but mother
did not believe me, and said she was
afraid had told lie, and PM afraid
| had. Then mother said there was a
dreadful stage Of sin, and then Bob
hollered and said that he "guessed 1
was on it," and then she whipped US
and sent us to bed without any sup
per, but didn't care for any supper,
for they hadn't nothing but bread and
butter and tea, and Bob and l got up,
and he lifted me in at the pantry win
dow, and we got a mince pie and
whole hat full of doughnnts, and they
thought it was the cook that stole 'em,
and sent her away the next day, and
Bob said he was glad of it, for she
didn't make good pies, and the dough-
nuts wasn't fried enough, and some
times ! do swear, for said by golly
the other day; and sister heard me and
she told mother; and mother said I
was bad boy, and would Brihg her
gray hairs to the grave, and she whip-
ped me but don't think it did her
gray hairs any good, and it burt me,
and when | got up stairs | said gosh
darn it, but said it so she didn't
hear me, and when she asked me if I
did pot think l was wicked, l said 1
was afraid | was, and was sorry for it,
and wouldn't do SO any more, and
then she said was a good boy, aud
then told me about George Washing
ton, who cut dowN the apple tree, and
was caught at it, and said he did it
with his little hatchet, just as though 1
hadn't heard all about it before, and
didn't always think him big stupid
for cutting wood when they had hir-
ed man about the house, and dullin'
his little, hatchet, and besides, it would
have been great deal jollier I'd let
the apple trees be, so as he could have
stole the apples off in the fall. l don't
care if he was the father Of his coun-
try, he wasn't smart, and | bet you
the boys in our school would cheat
him out Of his eye-teetk swapping
jack-knives, and could lick him and
hardly try, and l don't think he was
very healthy either, for l never see a
good boy that wasn't always sick and
had the mtmps and measles, and the
scarlet fever, and wasn't coughing all
the while, and hadn't to take castor
oil and could not eat cherries, and
didn't have his head patted till his
hair was rubbed off by everybody that
came to his mothers, and be asked
how old he was, and who died to save
sinners, and what he'd been studying
at school, and how far he'd got, and
lots of conundrums, and have to say
his catecliism; no, | shouldn't like to
be good little boy, I just as lief be
an angel and be done with it; don't
think | ever shall be a good little boy,
and other people don't think so too,
for wasn't never called good little
boy, but once, and that was when my
Uncle John asked me where / stood
in my class, and I told him it was
next to the head, and he said that was
right AMI he gave me Quarter, and
when he asked me how many boys
were in the class, and / said there
were only two, myself and a little girl,
and then he wanted me to give him
back his quarter, and wouldn't and
he ran after me and stumbled over
chair, and he broke hi, cane, and hurt
and he's been lame ever since,
and Pm glad of it, for he isn't my
father, and hasn't any right to lick
me, for / get enough of that at home,
and. the quarter wasn't a good one
either. | don't like Uncle John, and
| guess he knows it, for he says I'm
not like any of the family, and he
says he expects I'll go to sea and be
pirate instead of a respectable member
Of society, and I should not wonder;
for I'd rather be pirate than soap
boiler like him. / don't care if he is
rich it's nasty business and shan't
have to be pirate either, for one can
make lots of money without that; and
they are always talking to me about
being rich and respectable, and going
to Congress and being President, and
Ill tltdt sort of thing; but [ don't want
10 be President; there is Lincoln; he
wa, President, and I guess he's sorry
for it now; and there is Andy john
son, | guess he don't like it much
either; and q fellow doesn't have to be
respectable to be a Congressman; for
there's John Morrissy, and he has got
nice curly hair and nice clothes, and
he don't do any work either. oh, I
know how things are done; but there's
Bob callin' me, and we're goin' birds
nestin', for | know where there's a
yaller birds nest chuck full of eggs;
mother says it is cruel, and the birds
don't like it; that | wouldn't like to /,
have my eggs stole if l was d bird,
md don't think should; but Faint
, bird, YOU know, and that makesa
Inference, and if you want to print
his you can, for next to being a stage
lriver and pirate, I'd like to be an
,ditor, for you fellows don't have to
ell the truth, and You can go to the