The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1868-06-19
The Road to MorgantownD

The following scene is said to have
actually occurred, in the early settle
ment of this country, somewhere on the
headwaters of Dunkard creek, near the
line between Monongalia and Greene
counties. 1t illustrates some peculi
arities in the character of the early set
tiers, and is not bad example of the
manner in which roads are described
by many people even ut the present
day. We publish 4 part of the story by
request. -.....
Stranger.-My friend, can you tell me
the road TO Morgantown
Robin Ddrrdh.-(Throwing down an
armful of chips which he was carrying
from the yard.) By the grace of God l
can, as well as any man in the county,
for pve been there myself You came
past old Joel Tuttle's, didn't You? with
his lip sticken' out like your foot-the
amber runnin' eff his lip sufficient to
swim ducks-He chaws tobacco, sir.
.StraHger.-I care nothing about him.
Pve ''come past" there. wish to get
on to MorgantOwn.
Darrdh-Well you'll take mp the hill
past could blink-eyed Baldwin's," all
the blacksmith we have in this country
the cussedest iron rooster yOu ever
saw in the days of your life. He will
burn up forty plow-shares year if
you'll take 'em to him. A few days ago,
Jake-dang his name-and Bets-ding
her tail-U can't think of either of their
names) was ruunin' off to get married
over in Pennsylvania, and they stopt
Mt old "Blink- Eyed Baldwin's" to git
their horses shOd: and he put his iron
in the fire, and blow'd, and the devil
o shoe he made, and whether they got
married or not Pm not able to tell you.
He's got little old stewed I'M woman
fur a wife about as big rs your fist
about so Highland she keeps all the
whole country in an uproar with her
lies, running from house TO house tat
Ting, and she's got her name up, so
that it's Matte Baldwin here, and Mat
tie Baldwin's in everybCdy's mouth, and
there's not law suit in the county but
what she's summoned as a witness fur
somebody, and whether she swears lies
OF not Pm not able to tell We, but
| believe she swears lies. You'll take
down the hill from there to Dave
Chews, that married old Aaron Fosters
wilder. At first sight you'll think he's
q niger, but he's white man, sir.
You'll turn round his farm to the right;
that road will lead you TO Dan Cakes,
the dog shooter. He has killed all the
dogs in the county, so if you're afraid
ofdogsyou needn't be alarmed, fur there's
not dog left to bark at ye, and it's
Dan Cake here and Dan Cake there, and
Dan Cakes in everybody's mouth. He
ought to be made pay fur the dogs, and
think be will afore he gets through
with it. The other day ME and my SOC
Joe was goin' round the field and up
jumped fox, and the dog took after it,
and we've never heard of the dog or fox
since till the day before yesterday, aud
then the dog was about $50 yards ahead
of the dog, and he hasn't got back yit,
and expect Dan Cakes killed him.
You Just keep right down the run
from there and you'll come in amongst
the latest, lustiest set of niggers
You ever seen in all the days of
your life. Their names is Dowd, and
it's Dowd here and Dowd there, and the
Dowd's is in everybOdy's mouth, and
Pve one of the cussedest lawsuits with
them you ever heard of in your life, and
it's all about SANDER, and there's Tom
p. Ray, the clerk of the court in Nor
gantown, and Edgar e. Wilson, the best
lawyer III Nirginny, both say I'll beat
them out IS slick as a hone, and it's all
about Islander, though never slaudered
anybody myself. Ii know ANYTHING
against anybody generally keep il to
myself. You'll cross over a Mint there
and fall over on another run, by turn
ing to the right you'll come down to old
Bill Messer's. He married IA Mitz. and
her name is Peg, and she's the cusscdest
woman to swear You ever heard in ali
your life, sir. Her hair sticks out like
a scrub broom. She don't comb it from
one weeks end TO another, and it's
Peg Messer here and Peg Messer there,
and Peg .Messer is in eyerybody's
mouth, and she can outswear Matte
Baldwin. You'll there turn TO the
lett and that will take you upto pint,
and you will fall over onto Jake's Run
it used to be called Straddlers Run
named after old Jack Straddler, in
Indian times, and it's settled with Ten
Dauts from head TO mouth, and it's Ten
nant here, and Tenant there, and the
Tennants are in syerybody's mouth, and
they're the sussedest set of men TO fight
you ever saw in all your born days;
wherever they have log rollin' OF any
coming together of the people, their
jackets are off andS the blood and snot
q fiyin' and all hollerin' !" fair play.nI
The father win fight with the son, and
the son with the father, and brothers
will FIGHT one another. But there is old