Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1868-02-25
How Tom Reused Her.

The wife of Tom Gordon is victim to i'm
aginary ailments, and is never SO content as
when living according to the direction of her
medical adviser. DIR. Valentine now under
stauds her whims and oddities SO we'll that
he humors her in every caprice; if she ima>
gines rheumatism is her complaint he agrees
with her, and prescribes some harmless po-
tion if she thinks her appetite decreasing,
some bread pills keep her in good spirits un-
til the fancied symptoms of some other dis
ease induce her to send again for him.
During the last four Years Tom has often
wished tnat his wife would roll down stairs
and break her foolish head, for the reason
that the physicians aud apothecary's bills
make serious inroad upon his fortune.
About three months ago. she complained
of pain in her side, and as usual, the dc tor
was summoned. After prescribing two or
three bottles of different compounds, all harm
less, but rather expensive, he said
''All you want to assist medicine in effect-
ing a cure is little rousing. Although your
ailment is serious it is not dangerous. As
sumo little energy, and you will recover
Remember, rouse yourself.
After the doctor had retired, the patient
fancied that at last some serious disease was
beginning to manifest itself, and, like fool,
she went to bed in despair.
Tom understood the case thoroughly, from
long experience, and said mentally:
'SShe wants a rousing, does she Well,
I'll give her surprise that viii startle her"
Mrs. Hake, an attractive widow, was en-
gagged to act in the capacity of nurse to Mrs.
G. Tho widow is young, buxom, amiable,
and Tom thought her attractive qualities
might be made available in giving the patient
the necessary rousing.
A short consultation with Mrs. Hake result
ed in the arrangement of plan, the execu-
tion of which was to induce Mrs. C. to forever
afterwards throw physic to the dogs.
Late in the next evening, while the patient
was fretting and groaning, and announcing
her intention of giving up the ghost, Tom
called Mrs. Hake aside and said to her in a
pretended whisper, but loud enough to be
heard by the invalid:
"Poor Fanny she is about to die at last,
and so you and may as well arrange for our
marriage" !.
Tom threw glance over his shoulder as
he spoke, and observed that the dying patient
ceased her groaning and began to rouse her
self Arising quickly to sitting posture in
the bed to note every word of the conyersa>
tion, she stared at them with eyes as big as
small onions boiled
'"Twill be a relief to her." continued Tom,
"fer she has always been an invalid. I, too,
have suffered as well as she; but with you,
the picture of health, as my wife, happiness
will be complete"
The widow threw herself upon Toms
shoulder, her arms about his neck, and began
to chew his vest in mouthfuls to smother her
laughter.
allow soon shall we get married after she
is dead % asked Tom, passing his arm around
the widows substantial waist.
II suppose you will be willing to wait a
week or two z" simpered Mrs. Hake, as she
leaned her head on his shoulder and took
another mouthful of vest
The invalid uttered an exclamation, and
landed on the floor.
"You think am going to die, do you ?" she
exclaimed. "I'll live to spite you both ! And
for you''-she turned and grasped Mrs. Hake
by the hair-"out of my house, you designing
vixen! I'll act as my own nurse hereafter" !"
From that day to this 1Iss. G. has enjoyed
coed health and Tom has enjoyed good spirits,
because he has not had doctors bill to pay.
He knew how to cure her !; for she only needed
rousing, aud Tom reused her,