The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1868-09-03
N A S B Y :.
A Futile Attempt to Ratify the Nomin-
ations at the Corners.
PosT OFFS CoNFEDRIT Y ROADS, !
(Which is in the State NV Kentucky,


July 81, 1868.
! We he'd last mite a ratification meetin:
at the Corners wich started out glorious
ly, but didn't end so happily es it mite
he'd gone to good deal of trouble abou
it, and he'd made all arrangements for
feast NV reason and flow Nv sole exalted
by few ratifcations and surpassed BY
none.
The blessid Deacon, McPelter and Is
saker Gavitt, who expect respectively tc
hold the posisbens Nv assessor, collector
and whisky inspector for this district
come down handsomely with the funds
enuf to enable me to decorate the post
offs with flags and transparencies, and
myself with pare Nv ready made pants
wich / muddied considerable to make EN-
look old so that they shood not suspect
their funds he'd bin applied in that way.
Human nacher is inscrutable mystery.
They wood objeck did they know 1 he'd
clothed myself with ther money, instead
Nv wastin it on taller candles and sich,
wich burn out and leave nothin behind
[ wuz economikle in my expenditoors,
or ruther but little expense wuz neces-
sary. Desiren to wake the enthoosiasm
NV the Democrisy, l procoorcd passel
Nv Confedrit battle flags, wich the re-
turned heroes he'd brot home with EN-,
and he'd the talismanic words, Seymour
and Blare," painted across EN-. The ef-
feet was gorgusl Ez mite approacht I
he'd the trausparencies saved over from
celebrashen wich he'd been held after the
battle w Chicamauga lighted up. The
enthoosiasm, cz the populacc saw these,
and listened to Capten McPelter, ez he
red EN- to EN-, wuz overpowerin. How
they cheered ez the words hasht out into
the mite, Southern Rites, Southern
Men, and Southern Government p'-
4" Death to Northern Hirelins !" Down
with the gorilla Linkin !" "Jeff. Davis
and the Confedracy forever p' "No
quarter to Fedrel invaders l' And when
Boregard's black flag, on to wich "Sey-
more and Blare," wuz painted in red
letters, wuz unfurled, there arose sich
cheers for the nominees Nv the Moo Y York
Convenshen ez / he'd never heerd before,
nor expect to agin.
At this time jist ez everything wuz
a gettin red hot the trouble commenced.
Pennibacker, wich runs our biggest and
best distillery, jumped onto the platform,
at my suggestion, and proposed three
cheers for Seymore and Greenbax, and
three groans for the bloated bondholders.
The crowd, with true Democratic docili-
ty, wuz agoin to cheer, when Bascom,
who hez some 5-20s, riz and swore that
he'd be id eff that shood be. Gov.
Seymore ez in favor NV payin the Ma
shuel Indebtedness, principle and inter-
est, in gold. Reed his speech at the
Cooper Institoot."
"Is he? Is he ?" shouted Penni-
hacker, springing onto the platform, is
he Reed the platform he accepts p
"Don't Belmont and the Eastern
bankers support him p yelled Bascom.
Don't Vallandygum, Pendleton,
Brick Pomeroy and dirty shirt Dean sup
port him p yelled Pennibacker.
"Y oor doctrin," sed Bascom, ezcitedly,
lis ID swindle-a peece Nv theevin
Wich a Arab wood be ashamed Nv, and
Seymour sed So"
"Yoor proposishen is outrage onto
,pprest people, grindin Nv EN- into the
earth under the iron heels Nv bloated
lristocrats and pampered sons of luxury,
md the platform Seymour stands onto
'ez so" shouted Pennibacker.
"Yoor swindler," excitedly yelled
Bascom, whereupon they clinched and
rolled orf the platform titely huggin, and
making extraordinary physikle efforts at
njoorin each other.
To direct the attention Nv the populis
from this untoward circumstance, | re-
luestid Issaker 70 sing out three cheers
for Blare
"Three cheers for Blare !" sung out
Issakerr, "the Missouri statesman, who
will rid US Nv Freedmen's Burrows and
military rool %
"Three groans for Blare i' yelled Punt
ia Ablishnist and Linkin hireln, wich
shot my unkle in Missoury, and burnt
my grandmother's house near Vixburg p
"He amt no Ablishnist !" exclaimed
Issaker, "reed his letters %
"It's difficult to say wat he is to day,
but I'll sware to it he wuz three years
ago, but 1T makes no difference. L swore
tour years ago to lick any man who hur-
rahed for any member Nv the Blare fami-
ly."
And this infooriated wretch pounced
onto Issaker, and they rolled off the stand
to join Bascom aud Pennibacker, who
hedn't settled their onpleasantnis yet.
Before it ended Deekin Pogram and
Kernel McPelter got to argunin ez to the
propriety Nv recognizin niggers in the
ranks Nv the party, the Deekin takin one
side and McPelter the other. The pas
sions Nv these estimable gentlemen wuz
arouzd somewat, and before l could in
terfere they he'd each other by the throte
and rolled orf onto the ground beneath the
platform. / sprang down to seperate EN-,
when McPelter turned upon me, and
wood hev sacrificed me on the spot, but
the Corners rusht ez man to gave me. Ez