Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-03-10
Rules for Counting.
BY JOHN QUILL.


Having had much experience in the science
of Counting, have determined herewith to lay
down some definite rules for the guidance of my
young friends You see [ had good many
unsuccessful courts before l met my wife-the
females whom | loved having gone emphatically
back on me. But, bless you, did it harm me
No, it didn't. I was benefited thereby, and
when met my wife | knew the ropes, and
gathered up my affections made one fell swoop
on her heart, and the door thereof banged wide
open and let me in. will give you the rules
and shed the sunny light OF Illustration upon
them from my own life:
LIST, Never go counting the girls parents
Youd better edge up to the charmer at once );
for you can't marry her if you don't try, unless
she wants you, and you may be able to, even if
y the old folks are hard on you.
2t BY all means get the girls ma down on
you as much as possible If the old lady is al
ways blowing against you, the little dear begins
to take your part, and can't help loving you
L did this way, and my present mother-in-
law used to throw brooms and washboards at
me, and teach the dog to bite me in the trows
ers as l climbed over the fence.
3rd. If you see any others prowling about,
always euchre them if you can. IF you see one
of them buy tickets for concert, go up and
make an engagement with her and get your
tickets afterwards, but when they visit the house
always act as IT you were at home, and they
were only visitors, and never leave first.
4th. If the old man has worldly wealth ex-
press dislike to greenbacks, and hankering
after love In small house.
9Th. If you are long In the parlor, you may
sometimes try If your arms fit well on her waist
l tried this once, and called forth piercing
scream, which induced her big Dap and two
brothers to chuck me down the stairs So you
be careful.
9th. When you inquire if she will have you,
don't fall on your knees. 1t is ridiculous, be-
sides being rough On trousers. Just take her
hand and speak out like man.
! behaved similarly to this to a female, and
said to her:
will you be mine?''
She replied rather abruptly
Not much, | won't!''
It's likely she was little timid, but did not
care about pursuing the subject any further.
It'll. When you are engaged, don't 90 off like
an old Jackass and begin buying teaspoons and
washbollers, and candles. 1t is very unwise
and eXcites comment.
Sth. Ii a girl refuses you, don't give it up,
but try again. Because two negatives make
one affirmative in grammar, don t consider YOUR
self accepted when girl jilts you twice.
asked one female forty times, and at
last she got to expect it whenever came. and
would sometimes holler out No, from the top
Of the stairs, before got fairly into the house.
9Th. Kiss all the children in a house, even if
they are dirty, and smear molasses candy in
your hair. Let the boy play horse with you
and make fool of you generally. This always
works It's trump card if you play it right.
10th. And, finally. there areItwo sisters,
and the old oneis jealous, get some oneto choke
her off, while you go in for the younger.
did that once, and used to get friend to
ask the senior out for Intervening, but she found
me out, and used to arrange her hairpins in the
sofa cushions before she went out, so that it
was extremely uncomfortable
Thus itwM be seen that when courtship is
alluded to, [ am right there. IF any further
information is wanted, send me letter enclo
sing fifty cents, and will cheerfully give it.