Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1868-06-03
QDBllo Statesman, n,
FREE MASONRY EXPSOED.
BY A VICTIM.

MIR. Editor. L am free and accepted
son, brother, or whatever it is, of that
ancient and mysterious organization. ]
have belonged to many secret societies
in my time; have been an Orangemen
and son of Temperance, and Fenian
and, if L remember Alright, I once be-
longed to a gang of coiners; but this
Masonic arrangement, this institution OF
the compass and square, distances them
all. l have often wondered what sort Of
a thing Mason was-in what respect
he differed from an ordinary human be.
ing. Time and again l have pumped
persons who / thought knew what was
what, with view of finding out some
thing regarding these remarkable men,
but it was no go. Mum was the word
Those who could tell wouldn't, and
those who would couldn't; for further
Information I was advised to go and
find out. had a vague idea of my own
that Mason was sort of supernatural
being, regular ring-tailed roarer, with
horns and hoof to match, who could
come down the chimney or get in the
key-hole, and disappear like fash Of
lightning-a chap that could knock
blazes out of a fellow with wink of his
eye, and of whom the devil himself was
afraid. 'ai
There is one singular thing connected
with Masonry, of which perhaps you are
not aware, and that is, Mason never
dies. Occasionally it is given out that
a brother has departed this life, and the
fraternity is respectfully summoned to do
honor to his remains, but it is all sham,
a big swindle gotten up to throw dust in
the eyes of the uninitiated. The coffin
is stuffed full of bricks, and deposited
with due solemnity in the cemetery,
while the brothers and friends are blub-
bering their eyes out over the grave of
the dear departed, and the dead departed
quietly enjoying himself in the back
room of some hotel, preparatory to leav-
ing for parts unknown. 1t is fact, Mr..
Editor, Masons never die. tFhey may
change their appearance and move off to
other spheres; but as for dying, they
don't doit. 1t is supposed by some that,
after they have transacted wickedness
enough on the earth they are transformed
into comets and meteors and go wander
ing through space, kicking up shines,
and raising the devil generally !; and a
great many people suppose that the last
meteoric display was nothing more nor
less than free fight between some rival
lodges that had crossed each others
path; the different colored lights betok-
ening the different degrees they had ac-
quired in the flesh.
Free Masonry is of ancient date, as
proven by the fact that during the wet
season Noah used to hold meetings in
corner of the ark. He was obliged to
give it up, however, owing to the Curl
osity of Mrs. Noah, who, notwithstand-
ing that her husband placed couple of
lions and big crocodile at the door, as
outside guard, came pretty near finding
out the secret and starting a female
lodge on her own hook.
/ must tell you of the perils and trials
I had to undergo to become Mason.
On the evening in question / presented
myself at the door of the lodge room No.
66,666, sign of skull and cross-bones. l
was conducted to an ante-room, where
five or six melancholy chaps in sashes
and embroidered napkins were waiting
to receive me. On my entrance they all
got up and turned back somersaults, and
then resumed their seats. A big fat
fellow, who sat in the middle, and who
to be the proprietor, then said:
I" Sinner from the outer world, advanced"
| advanced. VIII you give up every
thing to join us?" "Not if I
know it." L said; "there's my
wife and fourteen fine"
Another party here told me to say
"yes." as it was merely matter of form.
So 1 said ''yes, l give up everything"
The fellows in the towels then groaned,
and said, +" tits we'll" s.Do you swear
never to reveal anything you may see
or hear this evening to any human being,
nor your wife2'' l said "'pon my word
l will not They then examined my
teeth and felt my muscles, and made me
put out my tongue, and then groaned
again. l said, If you don't fell well I (
have got little bottle here The
fat man here took the bottle from me
and told me to shut up. He then, in a
voice of thunder, said, Bring forth the
goat" Another fellow then came up
with big cloth to blindfold me. "No
you don't, Mr.. Masou," said 1, mo tricks
on travellers, if you please; 1 don't be-
lieve in playing blind mans bluff with
a goat. I'll ride the devil if you like;
but 1 don't go it blind. Stand
back, or I'll knock you into smith.
Green's" They were too much for me,
however, so / had to submit and be
blindfolded. The goat was then led in,
and [ could hear him making an awful
racket among the furniture 1 began to
feel that l was urgently wanted at home,
but I was in for it, and could not help
myself. Three or four fellows then
seized me, and with demonical laugh
pitched me on the animals back, telling
me at the same time to look out for
squalls. I have been in a good many
Mr.. Editor; 1 have been in an
election fight; I've gone down in rail
road collision, and up in a steamboat
but this little goat excursion
was ahead of them all. The confounded
thing must be all wings and horns. 1t
bumped me up against all the tables
and chairs, and the stove and the
ceiling but hung on like Tro-
jan. l turned front somersaults,
and rolled over till 1 thought it
was all over with me. 1 was just on the
point of giving up, when the bandage
fell from my eyes, and the goat bounded
the window, with yell like
Camanche Indian giving up the ghost.
[ was in Lodge of Masons. They
were dancing war dance around big
skull, and playing leap frog, and turn