Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1868-01-25
HUMo


When 1t relgns.
Men, in looking at the faults of
women, should shut their eyes.
What scripture is to block of
marble, education is 10 the soul.
1t is said that hoops surround the
lovelest of all things-girls and whisky.
When does man have to keep his
word? When no one viii take it.
What beau is least liked by yonng
ladies on picnic party? A rainbow.
Men, like hooks, have az each end
blank-leaf-childhood and old age
Why are Odd Fellows like sau-
sages2 Because they are linked together.
When may funds be supposed to
be unsteady When money is tight
The young man who sang. TIN
lonely since my mot her died. isn't
quite so lonely now. The old man
married again, and his step-motbsr
makes 1T. lively enough for him.
What can be more desolate spec
tacle than an old maid sitting on an in
verted half bushel, in cold kitchen,
with her feet on the brim of slop
bucket, pairing her corns with case
knife, by the light of a taliow candle.
"Consciencer' said Mrs. Hopkins,
Indignantly; do you suppose nobody
has got any conscience but yourself?
My conscience is as good as yours
aye, better too, for it has never been
used in the course of my lite. while
yours must be nearly worn Out!'
Wake, lady, vakel The moon is
high, twinkiin' stars are bsamin, while
now and then, across the sky, a meteor
are streamiDt Wake, Sally, wake, and
look on me-awake Squire Nubbin's
daughterl IL I'll have you, and you. II
have me-(by goshl who threw that
waterD
On a winters night, when the
moon shone bright, and the snow was
crusted DER; with a maid as fair as
seraphs are, I slid from hill down
lower. Ere we reached the place, like
horse on race, our swift gliding
sled csreened; and with tresses fair,
streaming back ia the air, sweet Sallie
went eend over eend.
A teacher in one of the Southern
States was sitting at the window of her
room watching two negroes loading
goods into cart. One of them was
disposed to shirk; the other stopped,
and looking sharply at the lazy one
said: ''Sam, do you expect to go TO
heaven?" eyes" ''Then take hold
and liftW
"A correspondent OF Virginia pa-
per has a series of quips upon the mar.
riaees of some couples in bis section of
country. The following have an cpl
gFammatic flavor:
NEILL-TIER. On Wednesday, MIR.
William Neill to Miss Jane Tier.
A sad event, we rather fear,
She turned TO kneel, and dropped
tear.
WR1aHT-BUoK. Monday, by
the Rev Mr.. Seals, Henry w. Wright
to Miss Orilla Buck.
The parson seals their fate-tis very clear,
she's right for once-the buck has got it's DEAR
Two old gentlemen of a cotempo-
rary's acquaintance we're compliment
ing each other upon their habits of IN
temperance. ''Did you ever, neighbor,"
said one, ''see me with more than
could csrry?" ''No. indeed" was the
reply; "but L have seen you when l
tn ught you had better have gone
twice Tor 1T. !"
The following is the maiden effort
of youthful poet, who certainly gives
signs of PROMISE:
son. the pup, the beautiful pup.
Drinking his milk from beautiful cup;
Gamboling around, so risky and free,
First gnawing bone, then biting flea;
Running
After the ponv;
Beautiful pup, you'll soon be Bologna"
During a recent performance OF
''Romeo and Juliet" at Marblehead, |
Mass, the fair JuIiet's question in the |
soliloquy before taking the sleeping
draugat, "What if this mixture does
not work at all % was answered by an
urchin in the pit, "Then take dose of
pills" The effect upon the audience
can be imagined.
Professor Duncan, of Aberdeen,
asked a lady to marry him; she answer
ed s'no," aud the subject was dropped;
but they soon met again. ''Do you
remember" said the lady, "a question |
You put to me?" The Professor said |
he remembered. ''And do you remem-
Der my answer2" so. yes," said the
Professor. "Well, MIR. Duncan" pro-
eeeded the lady. II have been led to
change my mind. "And so have l."
dryIy responded the Professor.
"A western paper tells good story:
Theodore Tilton had just entered a |
hotel in wTetched town, and was GO
ing mp stairs very travel-stained to |
change his toilette, preparatory to lee |
turing, when be encountered on the |
second floor an oyerdressed and vulgar |
woman. ''Are you the porter p ques-
toned the woman, laying her hand |
upon Theodore's arm. mo, madam,
was the quiet response, care you the
chamber-maid ?"
The Troy News tells pretty good
story of an uptown lime dealer, who
had upon his books an old debt of $50
against a man who had been unfortu
nate In business. The debtor and cred
itor met a few nights since IN the
presence of quite a crowd, and soon
engaged in an argument as to the rela-
tive merits of various masons Ia the
city. Lime dealer finally said TO bis
mason debtor, ''I'm not much of a
workman, but I'll bet you $50 that
can run better cornice than You can. "
agreed, . said the other, and the
money was put up by both parties
NOW" said the man of lime, '.sIl bet
yon so to SO win the bet. " ''Done,
said the mason, and the $50 were
placed in the hands of the stakeholder,