The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1868-03-21
A Few Liue. from Mr.. Slick.


MISTER EDITOR 1t is sumtime since I took up mi
Z" Gelott'' to rite you a letter, but 1 feel constrained
now, having u thot, and with the poet l bleive '' Hast
thou a thot upon thy brain. catch it whilst thou canst.''
hev been lookin on tn the struggle witch hez been goin
on here between yu and yure party and the ministry,
until l kant look ON eny longer, so L am bound tn hev
mi say.
1t seems to me ez tho things wur goin from bad tn
wus, and wus tn wusser. 1 he'd hoped that the
slight onpleasantness, witch commenced when Lord
N~ettleship arrived, wood subside when be left on his
mission tn set g Soapy Sam strate on ' Ugh Church.
matters, but it seems his sting was left behind. What
with Victory's Bishop and Unkle Sans ftm ship,
things hez got mixed.
From mi stand point the fte ON the part NV the min
listers seems tn be pretty muchly carried on by that
lnkubus what runs the Intery Department, while on
the other side there seems tn be q permiskuous sprink-
lin of Unkle Sans boys, and now and then q bold
Britin. BIZ the way wot that Britin rote about the
votin kinder riled old Inkubus, and wen he he'd his
say l thot | should a died Il lain tn see the Britin
pitch and snort. kinder thot ez the fte wasn't his n,
particularly, and his house was kinder brittle, he he'd
better not go tn pitchin stuns. --"
A CRATE deal hez bin sed about the Ffladelf letter,
and, after readin it, L cum tn the same conclusion ez
mi friend the poet, that, g there is no error so crook
ell, but it hath in it some lines of truth Idon't
think it was a cute thing tn rite sich a letter; but, ez
it was writtin, let's revoo it, maxim side notes ez we
go along.
The ritter in the letter sed our Suverin wuz a can
nibal. This uz not the correct thing. NorE--Lud
Nettleship sed in his letter that he should hev tn show
our Suverin up Z" Ez A DEFALTER y eff he didn't pay
his little bill-for ixins he never had. Tu mi thinkin,
Nettleship is ahead as a blagard.
The ritter sez that our Suverin was the furst revo-
lushunist in the Kingdom. Sum people differ in opin-
ion ez tn wot a revolushunist is. / hev an opinion,
but, unlike the bold Britin, 1 don't feel called upon
tn express it. Nuf ced.
The ritter SEE that sum thot the Constitushun
wouldn't hev been trubbIed eff it hadn't hev bin fur
the rebellion. This court is NV that opinion. How
sumever, all the crowned hels played thar little game,
but 1 hewitt heard Nv any one maxim four times hi it.
The letter sez that our Suverin is afraid that his
people will turn abeout and upset him and his Con-
stitushun. Not ef / know them, they amt ~upsetists,
and they'll stand most e~nything in a Constitushunal
way.
The ritter seq thet Mr.. WHY'S SUCCESSOR is Mister
de Vareeny, a French adventurer, and a waif from
Californy. He hez got dredfully mixed up. The
French waifest from Californy was Mister Charles
Crowsneer Without n . lie turned prefix. 1 du take
excepshuns tn this portion NV the letter ; it made mi
democratic blood bile tn heer an American make
slurrin remarks abeOut wot a man tcu- / take men
as they is. Duz it make eng difference eff Andy john
son hez served corktails ut tn bits a glass, meow that
he's Chief Magistrate NV the 81 land Nv the free and
hum Nv the brave" Not 4 difference, in mi opin-
ion, unless he puts on airs and looks deownards on
his old customers. NoTE-A misshun tn China (tu
get notes Nv travel fur the Ga-eite) will amply re-
mOonerate me fur settin this matter strate.
The Ministers don't like the Filadelf letter, and
wouldn't hev published SIGH a scandalus thing. Well,
perhaps they wOodn't? They admit tibet sum people
here hev the loosest idees as tn the rite Nv free speech,
and a free press ; and l agree with them eggzactly,
after readin the last Gazette, where it calls a man a
: purformer NV low tricks . and 80 vulgar pleasant
ries,'' and winds up by calm him by the endearin
names Nv cheat, swindler, and liar. This is rather
loosely. When n Britin SCI "Long live the King
he is stiled a hipocrit. Nice name thet fur n man NV
family. Eff enyone wants tn suit these Ministers, and
perhaps get an orfce, he must put on airs; walk with
a cain take snuff get up a GOODNESS with his old
friends ; cotton tn somebody in authority make q
practis Nv cussin yure paper board with Sir Henry,
or sum other hi orhshul draw sumbody into maxim
an expression hostil tn the powers thet bee, and carry
it tn old Inkubus or better, get sum innocent friend
tn rite his opinion intu a private letter and then show
it,-in fact, du eny and all mean things tibet will
make MIN blush when he luks into his lookin-glass.
The fact is, matters and things about the Guvern-
ment is gettin SO mean that 1 will give mi opinion as
tn heow tn set them strate.
In mi resdin I hey seen sumthin like this
"a kingdom is a nest Of families and a family a small king
dom
And the government Of whole or part difereth IN nothing but
EXTENT
This is pretty much mi idee, and after musin on it a
little, I pictured in mi minds i this Kingdom ez a
family-our Suverin the father, and the Ministry the
mother. Forgive me, mothers, fur this simerlee.)
The mother is gaddin about town listenin to scandal
agenst the fathers only kindly, liberal uncle. and
gettin up a coldness hi lyin abeout him. When father
Gums hum NV a night, tired, the vixen pours intu his
ear all the scandal she hes heard, and pisins his mind
agenst his only friend, and he, good easy soul, te-