The Ebensburg Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1865-1871, 1868-12-10
NUMBER Is.
wit and sentiment.

"
MEN Of nlark-those who can't write
their names.
4 little nonsense now and then is rel
lshed by the wisest men,
TROUBLES are like babies-they grow
bigger By nursing
MISERY loves company-so does mar
rlageable young woman.
The patient housewives motto: at is
meyer too late to mend"
AN artistic barber in New York charges
one dollar for hair-cutting
WHEN man attempts to benefit the
country, the best way is to abuse HIM
A MANS wealth and a woman age can
never be known accurately till they die.
''THTs is grave matter" said the med
zeal student as he robbed the church
yard.
The French Empress paid the milliner,
with whom she recently quarreled, $20,-
600 year
WHY is a quarrelsome female good
thing to hang over a we'll Because she
is a wind-lass.
IT has been remarked that men who
are very fond of the glass often become
tumblers.
JONES, eulogizing his girls beauty,
said: 'Tll be dogged if she amt as pur-
ty as a red wagon
AN exchange says that self made men,
like other made men, are sometimes very
badly made.
Cur dogs tail short and he can't wag
it. ''Brevity is the soul Of wit" but not
Of waggery.
THE man who courts a young lady in
the starlight probably expects to get
wife in twinkling.
THOSE who respect themselves will be
honorable but he who thinks lightly of
himselfwill be held cheap by all the world
My yoke is easy and my burden is light,
as the young fellow said when his girl
was sitting on his lapwith her arm around
his neck.
MY fist Is what lies at the door, my
second is kind of corn, my third Is what
nobody can do without, and my whole Is
one of the United States. Mat-rl-mony.
WHEN lady INDUCES yawn or two,
gentlemen are justified in guessing their
hat is needed on their heads, and that the
best side of the door is the outside.
A LAWYER on his death bed willed all
his property to a lunatic asylum, stating as
his reason for so doing, that he wished
his property to return to the liberal class
Of people that had patronized him.
AT Methodist meeting singer who
led the psalm tune, finding thaC his con-
cluding word, Jacob, had not syllables
enough to fill up the music adequately,
ended thus Observation-Disclosures"
"MY dear" said an anxious matron to
her daughter, cit is very wrong for young
people to be throwing kisses at each 9th
err" 'Why so, mamma? I'm sure they
don't hurt, even If they do hit"
IT is said that there are people in the
"mountain district" of Kentucky so green
that they followed a wagon that happened
to pass that way twenty miles, 'just to see
whether the hind wheels would overtake
the fore ones"
Dr.. DEEMS says, ''the gate of the grave
is so narrow that slender ghosts do barely
struggle through, and houses and lands
and cofins and shroud and bodies are all
torn of, and the soul is naked on the
other side
QUINN was one day lamenting that he
grew old, when a shallow, impertinent
young fellow said to him, ''What would
you give to be as young as | am % ''By
the powers" replied Quinn, Il would sub
nit to be almost as foolish
A YOUNG man, who recently fell in love
with a very beautiful young lady, says
that when he ascertained last evening that
she reciprocated his passion, he felt as
though he was sitting on the roof of a
meeting-hous and every shingle was
Jewsharp.
A LADY who had read of the extensive
manufacture of odometers to tell how far
a carriage had been run, said she wished
some Connecticut genius would invent an
instrument to tell how far husbands had
been in the evening when they just step
down to the Post-office.
Two friends were dining together, one
of whom remarked, Gas ! am Going abroad,
[ have made my viii, and have Dequeathed
to YOU my whole stock Of inlpudence. -
The other replied, ''ycu are generous as
well as kind; you have bequeathed to me
far the largest portion of your estate"
A FARMER, who was sympathizing with
his neighbor Jones on the death Of his
son, said ::
.sYou should remember, Mr. Jones, there
is no loss without some gain. John, you
remember, was always monstrous eater
"I know he was" responded the be-
reaved parent "5ut to think he was laid
up all the winter, and died just III haying
time is pretty tough, neighbor jenkins,
I.prctty tough"