The Placer herald., 1868-09-19
O ID ID T. N ID s.

London has tbirty.thres miles Of beer
houses.
Who stumbles twice over the same stone
deserves a broken shin.
The finest peel OF bellss is said to be abou,
bathing time.
A rainy day is "damr" but The refusal Of
syouug lady is ''damper."
The real champions Of the ring -mothers
With daughters to marry.
Il i. the worst kind Of busbandry when
man 10 clover marries a woman in weeds.
A respectable colored family in Chicago
advertised for a white woman to do general
bousework.
The new moon reminds one of giddy girl,
because she is too young to show much re.
Election.
San Francisco receives forty tons Of soap
root per month from the interior Of the
State.
we'll developed apple growing on a
grapevine is exciting the wouder Of the peo
pie Of Lexington, Virginia.
An English brewer who lately arrived Al!
Salt Lake, in default of other material, pro,
poses 10 make beer from the hopps of the
crickcts and grasshoppers.
There is to be a pic mic Of fat men at Utica
next month No person will he allowed to
participate in the festivities who weighs un
der $50 pounds.
An Ohio editor asks and answers this
malignant copnundrum "Wby is the editor
OF the Knoxville Wig like a harp struck by
lightning! Bee, USE he's a blasted Tyre"
A negress, speaking Of one of Der children
who was lightercolored than the rest said
II nebber could bear da, brat, cause he show
dirt so easy"
A man passing through gateway in The
dark bit his nose against the post. Il wish
that post was in h-i' said be. Better wish
i. somewhere clse," said bystander; you
might run against ii again."
Woman is composed Of two hundred and
forty, three bones, one hundred and nine
muscles, and three hundred and ninety six
pins. Fearfully and wonderfully made and
TO be handled with care to avoid scratches
There once was an Independent old lady
whose comments on the Bible were very
pointed Speaking of Adams naming all
the animals, she said she didn't think he de
served any credit for naming the hog-any
body would know what to call him.
The Irish waiter girl who lately married
the Indian chief, Holein.lhe Day, discovered
sbortly aferw ards that he had eight other
wives in his wigwam. She thought abe
might as we'll have married a tailor--she gor
but the ninth par, Of man. But since his
death she Inherited one half of bis property
ostiunal at 81, 100000. This may console
her.
Josh. Billings says that men who have a
great deal to do with horses demoral;ze much
faster than the horses do. lie adds: II know
lots OF folks who are real Plus, and who are
honest enuf to work up into united estate
assessors, and MAJ Y good moral chunks left
over, but when they come to tork boss they
want as much looking after as case Of
dipthery."
A Frenchman, being bard up for a dinner,
stole pig. lie was caught 10 the act, Ia
ken before a magistrate, and called upon for
his defence, when he thus delivered himself:
20, mon Dsl steal ze pigl" No, sar, I
never! Ala, you shall see. tell re pig,
will he 90 wiz me lie says. 'Ou oui ! and
ION take him. Is Eat vot you call sea ze
pig, ven he 90 viz his own consent9"
"Wbers's my wife I" inquired a husband
on returning home early one evening and
missing bis better half. She's gone to bed
with the toolhache," was the reply of some
member Of the family. "Well," said the iu'
dignant man, "if she had rather 90 to bed
with the toolhache than 60 to bed with me,
let her 60" and be settled himself to the
perusal Of the latest news.
NJ ives notorious theatregoer, and
somewhat fond OF seeing bow large quantity
of lager he could lay himself loose around,
but was not very frequent in bis attendance
at church. One evening however, he stroll.
ed into one took seat, and prepared to
listen. But the heat and the effects of the
previous night, passed between the play and
the nearest sample ROOM" soon overcame
him, and lie slept heavily. The sermon was
finished, the benediction pronounced, and
the congregation began 10 crowd out. This
aroused him, and he found his way, half
asleep, to the door. The sexton was waiting
to sbu. up shop. NJ paused before him
and extended his hand.
"Wbat do you want, sleepy.hsadl" asked
tho sexton.
M check"
"Check What are you talking about T.
N Want check want TO come ia again
20 as to see the farce"
It fashed,up'n the mind Of the sexton
that he had made a slight mistake in the
place. and after giving NJ good shak'
ing. he gave him some good advice.
Poor NJ, he did Mt bear the last of
that check for many day, and you want
cd to got up fight, all you bad to do was
10 mention tha word to him.