The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1868-06-26
SPlRE LINES.


sPARE LINES.
When do ladies' carry fro WHEN they
have ,upcr fingers.
Somo ono wants to know what route
the ''goed .imo" il coming. Ilo wants to
DO at the depot.
When you hear person say, ."Wcll. TO
make long soEy Sion" about this in,o
look out for ono Of tho internIinables.
To cconomisc Is TO draw in o. much as
possible. Tie Indies apply this art to their
persons, aud tho result is . very small
whist.
A contemporary has leader headed
"Hns q woman mind of her ownT Ask
her to wear her last summers bonnet and
find out.
Mrs. Pancake, Of Peoria, Illinois, has
succeeded in obtaining divorce from her
husband, George n. Pancake. George
says that faitens him out
Don't stay later than eleven o'clock when
you spend tho evening with pretty friend
the wiscst and witticst man in Cbristen-
dom becomes bore after that hour.
won't pay for steaks as tough as
,hcsc," said an angry bOarier, "thcro's
no law to compel me-uhcy're not legal
tender" ..r.
What Is tho difference between tho first
month Of marriage and tho rost Of Il? Du-
ring tho first month It 10 oil "joy," and after
that II Is npt to be "jawy."
"Fali,er, may 90 to the circus7" mo
my son." said the Indignant parent, "but ir
you arc good boy, will take you to SEQ
your grandfaihcr's grave"
A hidden light soon becomes dim, and II
II bc entirely covered up, will expire for
want Of cir. It must 20 out. There cum
not be Christian whose light IN some ns.
poets docs not shine.
"The man who raises cabbage head has
done more goo,i than all the mciaphyscians
In the world" said stump orator at q
meeting. "Then," replied a wag, "your
mother ought to have the premium.
Some philosopher says woman never
reaches her full stature until sheis tho moth
er Of six children. Most women will DO
content to measure little short. Tho con.
ditions arc quito too numerous.
It is an awful thing 10 feel all wo possess
continually wastiny away, and at tho sane
time TO set our hearts upon IT,, without in.
quiring after something moro solid and du-
rablc. . ..'
"stmugcr. cani 20 to tho depot this
way ?" said an elderly gentleman with a
carpet bag to dull chap at tho corner.
"Bless you, yes, sir; or you can 90 any
way you likes"
The following cpitaph, In a country
church yard, touchingly commcmorates tho
gluuony ofa husband and the grief Of his
bereavcd widow
Eiisa. sorrowing, rears this marble slab
To her dear John, who dici OF eating crab.
During an election, one oftho candidates
called upon tulesman and solicited his
vote. IL would rather vote for the devil
than you, was tho reply. but in cass
your friend should not conc forward" said
the candidate, "might ] not count on your
assistance :"
IL wonder how they make lucifer
maichesr' says Mrs. Caualc. aThc pro-
cess is very simple" said Mr.. Caridle; 81
once mn,le ono." "ilOw did you manage
it7" sl,e asked. "By leading you to tho
altar" replied Caud!c.
While President Of the Texan Republic
Sam Houston received n challenge to fight
duel with some person whom he consid.
cred his inferior. Turning to tho bearer Of
tho challenge, le said "Sir. tell your prin-
cipal that Sam Houston never fights down.
hill :"
ais Mrs. Blinkins at homo ?" askcd Mr..
Saunders Of the Irish girl who answered
his ring at tho door ayes, blavo sho is,
SIR" '.ls she engaged 2" "An is Il en-
gagged you say Faix, an ] can't tell you,
sir, hut she kissed Mr.. Vincent last evening
rs if shc had never seen tho like Nv him,
and its engaged blnvc they are, sir.
Apropos Of tho liberal distribution Of
knightly onles on the occasion Of Prince
IIumber's marriage, an Italian journal pub
lished an cpigrnm 10 the effect that whilo
in old times they hung thioves upon tho
cross. they now hung crosses upon thieves.
Tho Government acknowledged tho point
by contiscating tho journal.
Don't believe any woman to DO an angel.
lfyou have any symptoms OF ihat disease,
take dosc Of sage tea and so to bcdi lis
as much malady as the smallpox, and It
is your business to get over u an soon a.
m,ssiblc. An angel, Indeed Ifyou don't
lind out pretty soon that sho lacks consid.
cmbly more than tho wings. VIC arc mis-
taken.
A youth on his first visit To Portland saw
the land across tho harbor, and cried out to
his father. "Oh father haint that Cuba
over there, where oil the molasscs and
oranges como from?" The noble sire turn
cd upon his worthy offspring, and with a
digniRed and scorniul expression answered,
mo you fool Cuba is more'n fory miles
from here :"
Oil Jim G-was 40 awful mean
man; but when he joined tho Church, peo-
pie thought Il might make him liberal; 20
ono of tho elders called on him for small
contribution. Jim heard him patiently
through, aud then responded: "l'li tell you
villa, L Is, brother A-.fl find my re-
ligion genuine, will pay brother D.
dollar the Doxt timo he comes; bot Ill bo
blowed il like to pay money.fo an srticIo
before know It's MI right. " - ,,.i, ir..
10 boarding school not fas from Bosom,
the rector was accustomed 70 require inc
smaller boys to read every evening neIoro
going to bed chapter from the New les
mment-each verse Ono OF tno ooys,
Who prided himself In his e'ocunonary abl-
ity, and frequently neglected othogrsPty
the M ,s.s..~.And Herod laid hold on John,S
Risinr gracefully, and mistnking the ] In
,he ,hiri wori for an {, be thundcred out:
And iisrod said, Hold on, John |"