The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1868-08-08
Budget of Jim.

Them soldiers must be an awful dishonest
set, sald an Old lady, "for not night seems to
pass that some sentry is not relieved of his
watch"
An umbrella thief returned the purlioned ar.
ticie with the following note: 'This umbrella
mas prade hon my konshens ever sin l stole him.
W.B."
In some Of Louis Napoleon's late rnanifestoes.
he has repeatedly referred to 1.-The ancient bitter
ness OF Europe" by which he probably means
Old Gaul.
An inmate of an insane asylum says the diff
ference between horse and hobby is that one
can get Off the horse when he pleases, but there
Is no such thing getting off a hobby. There
are crazier people than that man outside asylum
walls.
veritable story is told of a bright little girl
who attending Sunday School for the first time.
was asked "Who went into the lions den 2"
The child appearing puzzled, the teacher COM
menced spelling, to awaken the child's memory,
"D-a-n- Il know now exclaimed she, at
was Dan Rice"
young lady being asked by a feminine ac-
quaintance whether she had any original poetry
In her album, replied: mo: but some of my
friends have favored we with some original
spelling" '
man III telling about a wonderful parrot
hanging in cage from the window of house
which he often passed. said, at cries Stop httet'
SO naturally, that every time hear it, / Arrays
stopr'
"The difference is Just here, youngsters" said
an illiterate school teacher in Texas, when the
earth makes revolution it turns on its axes
but when the people make revolution they turn
on there bayonets.'
An Indian chief. in a telegraph office, IN Mon
tana. being told that the operator was talking
with white brother two thousand miles dis
tant" gave it as his opinion that that was the
"l0agef talk" he had ever witnessed.
An eccentric man in Bath, Maine. was asked
70 aid foreign mission. He gave quarter Of a
dollar but stepped the agent as he was depart
ing, and said Here's dollar to pay the ex-
pense OF getting the quarter to the heather"
The facetious Abiinh Hunt, of Williamsburg,
Mass, dining upon tough fowl in Boston
hotel, asked the landlady where the fowl came
from She replied from williamsburg '1mpos-
sible, said Mr.. Hunt, "for the town hasn't been
incorporated for over forty years
The campaign abounds in humor. Tho ST.
Louis Republican heads Nashville letter: From
Brswnlow's Kingdom :" and The Cincinnati En-
qtirer places over the proceedings of the ward
Grant clubs Marshal Browns pups"
"Does the dentist kiss you when he pulls your
teeth, pa = NO my son, why y ooh nothing
only he kissed ma, and she said il took the ache
al away, and [ guess it did for she laughed all
the way home
An exchange says that tall Eastern girl.
named Short, long loved big Mr. Little, while
Mr. Little, think little Of Short loved little lass
named Long. To make long story short, Little
proposed 10 Long, and Short ionged TO be even
with Little's shortcomings. So Short meeting
Long, threatened to marry Little before long,
which caused Little in short time to marry
Long. Query: Did tall Short love big Little
less because Little loved Long?
Dear me- exclaimed Stggins, 'tha. new
surgeon gave Sqnantnm's boy new lip from the
ohild's own cheek What painful operation it
must have BEEN 'I'ye had pair of lips taken
from my cheek more than once" replied Mrs.
Stiggns, 'and it wasn't painful operation a.
all Stiggins' eyes flashed, his cheek flushed,
but he controlled the demon of jealousy which
ragged in his bosom.
Jacksonville has the latest thing out in the
chance line The Journal says 4 new game of
chance has recently been introduced in this coun-
Try called the fly lu" 1t is less Objectionable than
most games of chance, in ths--that there Is no
chance for cheating. Lest some OF our readers
may understand the game, and wonder what it
is we will state for their benefit that it is very
simple and easily learned. 1t may be played by
any reasonable number of persons The PLAYERS
names are written near together and q small lump
of sugar laid on each Then commences the
eager excitement of waiting for fly to alight,
and when he does So the name of the player un-
der the sugar has to stand treat all round 1t
may not be very heightened game, but it makes
lots of fun