Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-08-21

The liquor dealers in New YORK
are discussing the propriety OF putting
down, their rates ut "ten Genus
drink" #E".s. ~
when California vigilance COM
mittee hangs a horse-thief, the papers
sneak of him as having been cleft in
the road by himself" a
The gentleman whose "back was
turncd'when we last saw him, writes
TO tell US that he has received no ben
eft from the operation-as yeG
! An Irishman wants to save four
thousand dollars. He Is in doubt
whether to save 500 a year for twenty
wears, orS20 for two hundred years.
If"a pin dav Is a groat a year"
M the proverb has 1t, what will ten
pins every day bring man TOT
To the bowling ALLEY, we suppose.
IiHenry Ward Beecher says '"If a
man goes to sleep under my preach
ing / do not send boy to wake him
up, but / feel that boy had better
/, come and wake me up h.. .-l,
nc l"Iy dear Sir'' said an election &C
uuaintance, accostinga sturdy wag
on the day of election, ~ an, very
glad to see YOU" "You needn't be
I've voted" was the reply. H..
An editor at dinner table being
asked If he would take some pudding
replied in q fit of abstraction, "Ow-
ing to O crowd of other matter, we are
unable to find room for it,"
A lady was urged by her friends to
marry a widower, and as an argu-
ment, they spoke. of his two beauti-
full children. "Children, replied the
lady, "are like tooth.picks. A per
son wants their own"
A peddler calling out an old lady
n to dispose of some goods, inquired
of her if she could tell him of any
road on which no peddler had trav-
eled? Yes, she replied, l know of one
and that's the road to Heaven.
A negro boy was driving mule in
Jamaica, when the animal suddenly
stopped and refused to bulge
"Wont you go, eh?n said the boy.
Feel grand, do you? l 'spose you
forgot your ladder was q jackass."
"Pa, is Pennsylvania the father of
all the other States ~
" Certainly not, my child; why did
you ask that question ?"
'"Cause see all the newspapers
call 1t Pa"
., There is something exquisite in
the Yankees reply to the European
traveller; when asked if he had just
crossed the alps he replied wal
now you call my attention to the fact
I guess did pass over little risin'
ground.,, E.a s. ..'.
An exchange says that q hen has
n capacity oflaying six hundred eggs
and no more. AS most of these are
laid during the first four years of her
life, it is thought to be economy to
cutoff her head when she Is four
years old and sell her to boarding
house keeper for n spring chicken.
A country newspaper says: The
ladies of this city have formed So.
ciable Society will constitution and
bylaws that will not allow them to
talk about their neighbors. We are
also informed that they are living up
TO this rule with perfection, which
is the first instance of the kind on
record. - q "a p. ~ ~ III
Arago once confidently announced
that big comet that was approach
ing the earth would not destroy it,
Elbow do you know?" he was asked
81 don't know he replied, but in eli.
ther case Tam safe. If it does not
knock the world to pieces, / shall be
considered prophet; if 1t does, they
can't blow me up in the newspa-
pers." a, ...r - .,...
A well-dressed and rather pompous
youth asked young lady who was
reading i'm the cars, us this seat en-
gagged, Madam? ....-.
~ The answer was direct "Yes, Sir,
and am engaged toow and the lady
resumed her reading.
A suppressed litter from some ladies
close by caused the young gentleman
to make his exit. ~-.+ l.r..~-
AS a revered doctor once pas 3ed
through a region of very poor land
. he said to a farmer
"Sir, perceive your land here is
not very productive"
''No, sir, " said the honest farmer
our land is just like self-righteous-
ness" ''.@.
All now Is Inut
why, the more man has of it
the poorer he isl .s.-s".
"Ah !said q mischievous wag to q
lady acquaintance of anar istocratic
cast, 81 perceive you have been learn.
ing trade"
Learning trade?" replied the
young lady very Indignantly; you
are very much mistaken"
"Oh, thought by the looks Of your
cheeks you had turned painter"
The lady waxed wrathy, and the
wag vamosed. --
An officer who was inspecting his
company one morning spied one pri-
yate whose shirt was sadly begrimed
"Patrick O'Flinn,, called out the
captain.
"Here yer Houorr" promptly re.
sponded Patrick, with hand to his
cap. 49, ...
"How long do you wear shirt Pr
"1penty-eigH inches long" was
the rejoinder.
A St.Louis journal says: "a good
deal of anxiety is felt here to have a
public speech from Gen. Blair, and
some curiosity is exhibited to know
Whether he will speak or not. Many
of his most discreet friends advise
against it, while his jealous young
adherents are in favor Of it, for the
encouragement it will give them.
There is no good reason why he
should not speak, and the chances
are ten to one, if the people of st.
Louis want a speech, Blair will give
1t to them. He cares very little for
punctilliOs, and never allows them
to stand I'm the way of doing anything
which he thinks ought to be DONE"
A very heavy fog once visited a
neighboring State, which we think
somewhat beats the fogs in London.
"A young man was sent out to a med
ow to nail a few courses of shingles
on barn, the roof of which was
nearly finished. "At dinner contin-
ues the farmer who is responsible
for the story, "the fellow comes ap
and sez:
That's a mighty long barn of
yourn.'y 80
"Not very long" SEE I.
gaWell" SEE he "I'ye been to work
all this forenoon and have not got
one course laid yet" .-.
.Well, seq I, your lazy fellow
that's all / have got to say"
$50. after dinner / went down to-
see what he had been about, and I'll
be Numbered if he hadn't shingled