Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1868-02-04
HU MO ROUS.

"A good story is told of an eccentric old
gentlemen who although occasionally addicted
to the habit of swearing was still punctilious
in regard to saying grace at his table and this
he never omitted on any occasion. The story
runs that on a certain occasion, the old gentle
man invited sea captain, jolly old weather
beaten tar of his acquaintance to dine with
him. They sat down to dine, and the old
gentleman, according to custom, commenced
saying grace ; but the captain, whose atten-
ton had been diverted for the moment, hear
ing the old gentleman speak, thought he was
addressing him, and turned to him with
"What did you say, Squire" "Why, id
it, Pm saying grace y
Here is another school boys composition:
Winter is the coolest season of the year, be-
cause it comes in the winter mostly. In some
countries winter comes in the summer and
then it is very pleasant L wish winter came
in summer in this country, which is the best
government the sun ever shone upon. Then
we could 90 skating bare foot, and slide down
hill in linen trousers. We could snow ball
without getting our fingers cOld-and men
who 20 sleigh riding wouldn't have to stop at
every tavern and warm, as they do now. 1t
SHOWS more in the winter than it does at any
5other season of the year.
- We aeard Il very worthy old freedman,
who Is be-iuHius 20 understand the working
OF the League, give his opinion Of it the
other day, as follows:
Is tell you, de League and de darkies jis
remind me of when old massr an me used to
put up dc fattenin hogs. Id take some corn
and scatter it long, and soon as hogs nd taste
it, day'd follow right long, picking up de
grains. and never loOkin ahead and de fuss
thing dey know'd dey was i'll de pen and de
gap up. And dere dey staid till we knock'd
dem On de head"
\ MAN Nor A MAN.-The Ministries the
other night gave successful answer to the
invoked question, What is next to a man 2"
His shirt, of course; but the fellow who put
the question: 20 When is man not man ?"
must have been surprised to find that the
male biped is not himself when he's bed,
when he's awake, when he's blow in the
nose, when he's a comb in his hair, when he's
4 pear in his nails, when he's pick in his
teeth, when he's wink in his eye, when he's
a button in his clothes, when he's a swallow
in his hash, when he's u scratch in his ear,
and last but not least, when he's bolt in
the door.
RULES ON HEALTH.-Never hang yourself
out of an open window when you go to bed.
In cold weather, always wear thick, warm
clothing about your body. If you haven't
money enough to buy it, attend an extin-
guishable confagration in the vicinity Of
first class clothing shop. If you are quite
small baby be careful that there are no pins
in your clothes, and always take drink Of
milk punch out of bottle with gum thing
ON the nozzle before you get into your cradle.
In eating raw oysters, always peal the shells
off before swallowing The shells are irdi-
gestible, and apt to lie on the stomach.
LOVE OF CoUNTRY.-It is stated that du-
ring the war patriot in Maine felt ashamed
of remaining at home while his brethren were
in the field, and he accordingly addressed the
following letter to Governor "ashburn -
g Mr.. Gov. Washburn sir feal as thoe had
aught to be doing something for my country,
and have you curnais place for me l shud
like to have it if you hav write me and give
Yours truly"
GoING.-"I shan't be with you a great
while Jane" said Mr. Meter - I shan't
stay here great while" "Oh, Mr.. Melter,
how can you talk so ~ said Mrs. Meter, with
lugubrous expression of face. because"
continued he, - feel as if [ was most gone,
and that L was Just passing away like cloud
before the rising sun" Mr.. Meter verified
his prophecy the next day by running away
with Il sympathizing sister.
THE PRECISE WORDs.-A witness was OK
amined before Judge in a case, who required
him to repeat the precise words spoken
The witness hesitatcd till he rivcted the at
tcntion of the entire court upon him; then
fixing his eyes earnestly on the judge, began,
" May it please your honor, you lie and steal,
and get your living by stcaling" The face
Of the judge REDEEMED, and he Immediately
said, = Turn 10 the jury, sir