The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1868-04-02
PRAY for us.



Utterin stingin cuss at Dean and
Burr, and them fellows who he'd de-
ceived us into a belief that Moo Hamp-
shire wuz safe, sot about bringing
Nv en- to. The President wuz the
longest a comm out of the faint
Sadly they ariz, one after another,
their dejecshun contrastin powerfully
with the hilarity NV moment afore
Ringin bell, Randall sed to the
clerk who answered itas follows:
"You may inform the bands that
it won't be necessary for EN- to long
er wait The men attendin the ar
tillery may retire to the bosom NV
their families, and those waitin to be
formed into spontaneous professions
may be dismissed. The President
has decided not to be serenaded to-
night"
Jest then band wuz heard ap-
proachin. Thunder" said Randall,
"dare they play without orders?'
But we discovered that it wuz not
the offishel band. A procession wuz
soon passin aforc the White House
headed by transparency, onto witch
was dead duck, with face wonder
fully like his Excellency's, and the
band wuz o playin ded marches and
SIGH, with muffied drums. Four times
these hartliss cusses passed up and
down afore the White House.
us it not hideyus,' sed the Presi-
dent.
"Served you rite" sed 1. s.Yoo
wood take matters inyoor own hands
700 wood attempt the work NV a
statesman with the qualifchashens of
a Police Court Lawyer. Wretched
man sed l, transfixin him with my
piercenest gaze, "Why wood 700 at
tempt to eat fire whose mouth is only
capable NV Limburg cheese? With
Grant at the head nv the armies,
why did 700 attempt revolooshen2
When 700 attempted to drive Stan
ton out; hedn't you sense enuff to
know that it made a direct ishoo
atween you and the Ablishnists from
which they could not escape, and
that yoor death thcirn wuz inevita-
BILE? Yoo made it necessary for EN-
to slay 700, and in trooth, they've
made lively commencement. Moo
Hampsheer is fatal stab, impeach.
ment will foller in sixty days, and
then a long farewell to all our glory.
Good mite, yoor Eggslency, pleasant
dreems. I'll go to my chamber.
And I left the poor man weeping
great teers and bitter ones.
l sent the follerin dispatch home to
the Cross Roads, by telegraph
Twuz ruther expensive on tho Gov
eminent, but Seward told me that tele.
graffin wuz legitimate expenditoor,
and to use the wires ez much ez
chose:
To Pogram, Deekin, Bascom, and
Gavitt, Jr., Trustees:
These Grecting-Deerly beloved, i
saloot 700. Not joyfally and with
likeness NV heart, but, on the contrary,
quite the reverse. We're bustid.-
Heni, Vidi, Vici! witch, the way We
translate it, means, We cum, we saw.
and got squeezed" 1t is my painful
dooty to inform 700 that Moo Hamp-
shire, NV witch we expected betere
things, hez gone lunatic agin, and
hez electid hater NV us uns and
ourn ez its Cheef Magistrate. In
this crisis, / direct that next Friday
mornin, between the hours nv 8 and
IL a. M. be observed ez a day nv
fastin and hoomiliation. / wood hev
700 hold services at the church, but |
found that I he'd brot away 10 my
valice the only Bible i'll the Corners
and it is therefore impossible. Ez
no labor is ever done at the Corners
it amt necessary to direct 700 to alb
stain therefrom, but 700 will give
over yoor yooshal occupation ez fol.
lows:
l. No seven-up or poker playin
dooring that period.
2. No hoss-racing, copper pitching,
fighting or other amusements, will
be admissible.
3. And that the flesh may be NOR
titled toan extent commensurate with
the calamity that hez befallen MS, no
likker will DO allowed between these
hours, ceptin to invalids and persons
nv extreme age.
There will be wcepin and wailin
at the Corners when this is receiv.
ed.
PETROLEUM Y. Nasty, p. N.
(Which is Postmaster