The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1868-03-12
wit and wisdom

Wit and wfsdo1n<
Three things to govern temper. ssn.
duct and tongue.
A frog docs not rensembsr whsn -
was tadpole, but others d..
Many fool who has sense enough %
get good wife lacks the wit 70 know 4.
Why do girls kiss eseh other, and
men not? Because girls T,sve nottan1
better to kiss, and men have.
Josh billings says Ire believes III the
final salvation Of men but he wants The
privilege Of picking the men.
The man who cannot find words
enough to express his gratitude" Ia Cd
vised to purchase copies cf Webster sud
Worcester's dictionaries.
Advice Is like snow the softer r. fhlls,
the longer 1t dwells upon, and the deep-
er 1t sinks into the mind.
Since our Maker thought it wrone for
Adam to live single when there was not
woman on earth, how guilty arc old
bachelors with tire world full of pretty
girls.
1t takes three editors to start a news
paper at New Orleans to get killed
in duel, one to die with yellow fever,
and one to write an obituary notice oE
the defunct two.
II Is most miserable state kop msu
to have everything according to his d.
sire, and quietly to enjoy the pleasures
OF life. There need he no more to ex-
pose him to eternal misery.
A gentleman Mt u musical party ssked
n friend, In whisper, How shall stir
the fire without interrupting the mus
ic"' Between the bars" replied tho
friend.
conversation Is the daughter Of req
soning, the mother of knowledge. the
breath Of the soul, the eonumerce or
hearts, the bond Of friendship, the nour-
ishment Of content, and the occupation
of men Of wit.
"Pap, I planted some potatoes in our
garden,' said smart youth to his
father, "and what do you. think came
up" "Why, potatoes, Of course.n-
mo stree! there came up drove II
hogs and ate them all.'
Bad luck is simply a man with his
hands In his brecchcs pockets and pipe
in his mouth, looking on TO see how Il
will come out. Good luck IL u man Of
pluck to meet the difficulties; his sleeves
rolled up, working to make It come out
right.
A certain Irish attorney threatened 10
prosecute Dublin printer for inserting
the death of u living person. The men-
acer concluded with the remark that
mo printer should publish death un-
less informed Of the Fact by the party
deceased"
Ebe, having heard 1t stated by lee
turcr that imam is merely machine"
remarked: 81 suppose ALI attorney may
be a sueing machine"
An Indiana paper says that the price
Of n divorce In the courts of one OF tho
counties In that State Is bnshal.af .uir,
facetious exchange to call them marts
where pairs are exchanged for apples.
A little four-year old Carrie went with
her aunt to church. The preacher was
very earnest in his delivery, and she
was much interested. "Mother," said
she when she came home, II have heard
such smart minister. He stamped
and pounded, and made such noise
and then he got so mad, he shook his
fists at the folks, and there wasn't any
body dared go up and fight him!'
THINGS UNKNowN.-Show us the
man whose waist has ever been cncom
} passed by an arm Of the sea.
= Who has ever seen the COW that evel
) had calves on her legs?
Where Is the identical nose Of the bel.
lows that never smelt Il rat?
| Where is the person who was ever fell
for by the heart of an oak.
Was any barber ever applied to t.
shave the beard of an oyster?
What vocalist can lay claim to having
ever been listened to by an ear Of corn
Who has ever been pushed by shoul
: der Of mutton?
The individual who was ever seen by
the eye of potato has never been visi
BILE.
. Was there ever any individual un
lucky enough to be abused by the mouth
of any river?
Who ever felt the breath from the
, lugs of u chest Of drawers:
, Is there a soul living who has heard q
= sentiment emanating from the breast o
II veal?
A little boy was once in a complains
sng mood. Ills dinner did not suit him
, SO h,s father made that right; then his
/, cup did not suit him. SO one was bro'l
), that did then his chair was not right
:, and his father took him in his lap, say.
ing, Are you all right now" H>
looked around the room, and, seeing the
: cat crossing the floor with tail erect, he
said i'm Il yeNed voice, "Thcre, the old