The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1868-07-11
From GsPunch,"

FROM crunch
FEE NOMINAL LIBERA11TY. Advice gratis.
WHAT Mr.. HOME Is AND HAS NO LoNeER.-
The Lyons cher.
VOLUNTEER sKrRMIsHING.
Brown Gn agony, having just fred)-
UWell, the sooner Government gives us
breech-lOaders, the better 20
Jones-"What's the matter now 20
Brown-'There goes my ramrod again
right in the direction of my house, tooP'
ApRopos.-The Derby Opera-La Facorita.
QUERY FOR DBBRETT.-May the Temple Pier
be considered a Law Lord
A SONG FOR SOCIETY.
Blanchey Prancey went to a ball;
Banchey Prancey had great fall;
twas all through her wearing very long
train.
Let us hope Blanchey Prancey won't wear it
again.
LEGAL QUrBB1E.-A Barrister should cult
yate a good temper, if he would succeed as
Cross. examiner
Non sUs: PER coLI,-PoLlTIcAL EXPLANATION.
Mr.. Gladstone's Suspensory Bill proposes no
alteration of the act ordaining private eXecu'
tions.
RIDDLE MADE CON THE GROUND. "-Why are
Cricket Matches like the backs of Cheap
Chairs Because they re "FXed to come of.''
CLERICAL CoNUNDRUM.- insect named
by the divine Williams, resembles the preacher
of dull sermon? The "shard-borne beetle
with his drowsy hum"
MoTTo FOR HAIR DREssERs- ''Cut and Comb
again"
LIGHT PORTER's WoRK AND HEAVY PAY.-Mr.
Labouchere stated in the House Of Commons
that certain special missions had cost Els, 900,
granted for the purpose of carrying the Garter
to foreign sOvereigns. What would they say
of this at Washington Perhaps that any
body was fit enough to carry garter to a
sovereign who was fit to carry interiors to a
plantigrade of the ursine family.
FAcT.-An impressionable Bill-Sticker was
recently so overcome by witnessing the drama
of Nobody's Child at the Princess Theatre, that
instead of writing on the wall "Who's Grit
fths ?" he was discovered sticking up the
words "What's Phillips ?"
DE LUNATICO.-A correspondent, whose losses
have affected his brain, writes to ask if the re-
port is true, that in future the ''Yolks" will
be run at Bingham We have sent his letter
to DR.. Win slow
MoTTO FOR A Box OFFICE KEEPER. $50 much
for Booking 'em.''
AN INTERNATIONAL GAME. - Beggar-my-
neighbor used to be game OF cards. 1t is now
played with bloated armaments.
THE FRENCH IMPROVED.
M. HaEssmann is going to mutilate the Rue
de la Paix. Like his master, he is dissatis
fed, if not with the ways of pleasantness, with
the Paths of Peace.
Same another PGy.-The Emperor has sane
toned more distinctions in Paris, and in the
provincial tewns. He reminds us of some
Greek wit under the first Empire.
Napoleon Napoleon
ApOleOn Destroyer
Poleon OF Cities.
BLACK BALLTYG.-There is no truth in the
report that an enterprising entrepeneur stimu
lated by the success of the "Black Cricketers, )
is about to engage an opposition troupe o
Black Beetle-ers.
The PACE THAT KLLs.-The faster a.maI
starts in life, the sooner he gets into hobble
THE WAY TO THE wooLsACK.
The early bird picks up the worm.
One morn young BriehesS said:
Then i will rise betimes In term
Whilst others lie abed
If l, let clients come or no,
Am with the lark astir,
needs must be, in being so,
rising Barrister.
"No CHILDREN Nova DAYS. ."-Awful ntelli
gence about a child of only six years old. He
Mamma says she is growing SO fast!
Is 1t possible Are these the materials o
which the girl of the future period will b
madeY