The Wyandot pioneer. (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1853-1868, 1868-10-22
An Essa on Long Branch.
BY JOSH BILLINGS


wimmen and children, especially
the latter.
Children are az plenty here, and
az sweet as flowers in ali out door|
gardin.
They play in the sand for work,
and their feet wet for fun.
Ther IL sum attempt at style here,
but the prevailing disease iz good
sense, you can see this stick out in
the way people take it natural and
easy, and don't try to outstrip each
other in wearing clothes, and them
exquisite.
don't see but one woman here
who was dressed too economical,
and her dI ess was plenty long enuffl
at the bottom, but the front side of
her shoulders seemed to lack sum-
thing.
put up at the Continental Hotel,
near the roof the building, from
choice. .-E
l kan say that this house is kept
a good deal, without neutralizing my
dignity, for paid the same price
the rest Of the boarders did for nv
vittles
I shall stop here agin, when icum,
if have tew straddle the ridge pole
l never leave a good hotel for a
letter one learnt this fishing for
| frogs. III am wher the frogs bite
good, that's mi puddle. | have
known folks tew swap a good horse
for poor one. jist for the sake ov
10 dollars tew boot.
My wife puts up with me at the
same hotel,its an old-fashioned way
we have ov doing things.
She always goes tew fashionable
resorts, where young widders are
ennyways plenty, to put me on my
guard, for am one ov the eazyest
critters on record tew be imposed
upon.
She has saved me (by the hare ov
the head J more than six times aired
dy, from being split by the widders.
| She iz an ornam ent tn her seeks
my wife iz.
would like tew see ayoung wild
der or any other man git the start
ov me when mi wife il around.
Ifi jist step out sudden tew get a
soder cocktail tew cool my aching
brow, my wife goes to the end of the
verandy with me, and waits for me,
and if i go down onto the beech tew
astronomize jist little, all alone by
moonlite, she stands on the bluff,
like a beacon lite, tew warn me Nv
the breakers.
No man whose feet are slippery,
and who hahn been accidentally in
sured against recent widders, ought
to be allowed on the Branch with
out wife who understands her bizz
The ho els are now phat with
folks, awl ov whom ackt fust rate,
except the pesky widders, and i
don't ennything so very awful
about them, but mi wife duz, and
she knows.
The biggest thing they have got
here, for the present, il the pool Of
water in front ov the hotel. This
pool is said by good judges tew be
5000 miles long, and sum places 5
miles thick.
Into this pool, every day at 10 O.
clock, the folks all retire, males, fe-
males and widders, promiskuss.
/ They dress in flannel attire, of
menny colours, and look az near
alike, when they are in the pool, az
a flock ov ducks and brakes.
| The water in this pool haz stood
so long it haz got salty, and onght
tew be changed, and 1 believe they
have got bill before the Nu Jersey
Legislature tor that purpose, but NJ
Jersey folks are shy about training
experiments. They are willing to
invest little something in a ded sure
thing, but I don't think they will un-
dertake to freshen the pools
The G1ecian Crook is prevailing
here just now amung ladys.
The bend seems tew be sunwhe1
near the small ov their backs, and
gives them very intelektual look,
the same az the anshunt greeks had
altho I think their walk resembles
tew much a sore footed goose.
The turnouts are unkommen men
ny, and silk, for in hand are frequent
i had the espsha!l honor oy being
slung around the beautiful avenews
and through the grounds ov Mrs
Huoy bi four whitefooted sorrels
dressed in russett and white har-
ness, and driven tew an elegant drag
1 by their owner, Prof. Eastman, Of
Pc 'keepsie.
1 set up on the back seat as stiff
az bridegroom, and evry body
seemed to have their eyes close on
us.
The Hon. Abijah Palmer, ov the
Moo York Senate. sat with the Pro
fessor, and the Rev. Henry Frost
supported me.
The bands of music in front o.
the different hotels played for US.
1 must say felt little big.
And it amt to be wondered at
: for I have bin much in the habit, O,
late years of going afoot when
rode
The scenery here il grand, espe-
: cially the pool. and the air il a;
: bracing as a milk puntch.
: The tables are full ov vittles, a nd
the servents are az polite az dancing
, masters. gave one ov them a 81
, cent shinplaster, and he opend and
| shut in froE& ov me for minutes al
: easy az I. greazed jak knife.
: Drinks are reasonable espeshly
outov the pool, and cigars must b.
: plenty and sheap, Judging from th'
; vast concourse ov stud ends lieins
t around loose on the lawns.