The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-06-19
dIrif anS Du,,tnr,

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- An Extended Hit.-the long
strike.
fin.
- An Ex-Plainer-a retired car
penter. -
- Bar-gains-the profits of a cof-
fec house. -
- Dress material for the sea-shore
surge. -
= Dress material for the dog days
-muzzlin.
New style of spring pants-the
breathings of nature. Ia4
- HARMLESS arclcry-the shooting
grass in the Park.
- A paper from which tp expect
hard knocks-wrappng paper.
A hint to an Infatuated printer
compose yourself,
- A man may be said to be hard
up when supported by stone post.
- Eve--the only woman who new
or threatened to go and live with her
mother.
- Why is the Mediterranean called
the dirtiest of seas +? Because it is the
least tidey.
- Associates. said father to his
son, are like perfumes long after you
have left them you will bear about theii
Odor with you.
- Why Is the strap of an omnibus
like mans conscience Because it
Is the inward check to the outer man.
man.
---- The following was contributed
to Punch by fashionable Young mar
ricd woman 1.-The latese thing out
my husband"
- A tipsy man Tin Connecticut
thought locomotive made too much
chin music, and dashed in to split it's
bugle. Only one round was fought.
- An English paper says that Ne
lTrasthenponskelest is most ex-
cellent thing for shin soreness i'm hor-
SEES and any troubles of sinews, tendons
NC,
= The English paper has discover
ri the line which divides distinction
from difference. 1t SAYS that q lit
difference frequcntly..makes enemies :;
while a little distinction attracts hosts
of friends to the person on whom it is
conferred. EEIE. yf
- One of the editors in Union had
clean shirt of which he made n brag,
and abused his cotemporaries for hav-
ing none. 1t afterwards appears that
he had Stolen it of n pole from broth
or editor who was i'm bed waiting for
it to dry.
- Kisses is said to be like the
faces of philosophers, vary. Some are.
as hot as coal of fire, some as sweet
less as long-drawn soda. Stolen kiss
e's have more cream and nutmegs than.
any other sort, and are consequently.
themost enjoyable ofall.
- Punch Illustrates plump young
ster applying for the place of page. to
whom tho mistriss says 81 wish my
servants to have plenty but don't al
low any waste"
Page-"Oh, no, mum, I'd eat, and
drink until busted, mum, rather than
waste anything num-"
- Monster-''I'm fraid I'm sitting
on your crinoline ma'am.'
AtIable young lady-"O, never mind
sir, it is of no consequences; you can't
hurt It."
Monster No a'am, it is not that
but tho confounded thing hurts me -
- An frishman living OH the coast
of Maine, being out of work during the
past winter, spent his time in building
!: boat in his cellar. When asked how
he was going to get it out, he said ''Bc
jabers never thought of that. - The
house had to be raised and the back
wall of the cellar taken out before the
launch could take place.
--Adolph admirer of his sentiment
syI.f ebOlA NI,..I
God soon wrap that beauteous form in
DER thy couch !" Emily-his wife,
somewhat matter OF fact-"G God night,
be sure you turn the gas off, put out
your boots, and don't snore."
"Well if this amt mean - said
an indignant pickpocket. "Hcre is
this fellow a-goin about here with this
here yellow Chain and when | pulls it
ont there is no yatch on the end of it.
The conduct of such flasEy clerks is
enough to break the heart of poor
fellow like me who has to depend on
his trade for his living"
A Foreigner, who heard of the
Yankee prope nsity for Dragging,
thought he would beat the natives nc
their own game. Seeing some very
large waternellons OH a market wom-
ans stand, he exclaimed : ,Wh;t t. don't
you raise larger apples than those in
America ?" The quick witted woman
Immediately replied: "Anybody might
know that you're u foreigner them's
gooseberr.es :"
"A story is told of an old fellow
IN Michigan, who, when the country
was new, got lost in the woods several
times while hunting. lie was told to
buy pocket compass, which he did,
And fl end explained to him its use.
He soon got lost and lay ut as usual.
When found he was asked why lie
did not travel by the compass. lie
stated that he did not dare to. He
wanted to &C north and he ''tried hard
10 make the blamed thing point north
but he couldn't, twOuld diddle, eddie,
diddle. right round and point about
southeast every time !"
A young couple were sitting to-
gether in romantic spot, with birds
and flowers about them, when the fol-
lowing dialogue ensued
"My dear, ifthe sacrifice of life would
please you gladly would lay it at thy
ieet."
"Oh sir, you are too kind. But it
just reminds me that wish you would
quit chewing tobacco"
Cant think of it, it is q habit to
which am welded"
VERY we'll, sir, since this is the way
you lay down your life Tor tue, as you
are already welded to tobacco, Ill take
good care that you are never welded
0 me, as it would lie bigamy.'