Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1868-09-29
Clippings.

Stylish animals-Hogs
Natural humbugs-Bees.
A spinner's motto-Life is reel.
Boys are men in roundabout way.
A crafty ccupation-Ship building.
A side issue-Women at the creation.
The hard-ships of the oceaniron-clads.
''Grecian bend" "colic," or, as some term
it, the improper circumbendibusterositry.
Jim, the exciteable, says he don't care fig
for fans, but he knows Fanny that is perfect
ly charming
Short Courtship. Rachel the Lord hath
sent me to marry thee" said the sutton. The
Lords will be done, was the submissive reply.
Isn't my shirt clean?' quoth one Bohemi-
an to another "Well yes - was the answer
Its clean for brown, but it's awful dirty for
white.
Lost yesterday, a small morocco pocket book
containing tailor's bill for 500. Any person
finding the same will please pay the bill and
nothing more will be said.
A COUNTRY gentleman advertised for "a
small black tan leather collar, through which
was the head Of black tan terrier dog" We
trust he will recover the lost collar
A French surgeon has invented a means of
Illuminating the inside of a mans stomach
Ii he could only introduce his apparatus into
some peoples heads, he would be benefactor
to the race.
A lady, who was suffering under slight in-
disposition, told her husband that it was with
the greatest difficulty she could breathe, and the
effort distressed her exceedingly. Il wouldn' t
try, my dear, soothingly responded the hus-
band.
Landlord, said Jonathan, the other dav,
stepping up to the bar in public:house... lest
give Us cents worth Of New England, and
put 1t into two tumblers Here, Jim, take
hold; away with the expense, say, when fell
low is on bust.
A story Is told of young lady, teacher at
Sunday school, who one or two SUNDAYS ago
asked youngster what was matrimonv. He
mlstook the question for purgatory and quick
y answered a place or state of punishment
In this life where some souls suffer for time
before they ascend to heaven.
The finest idea of thunder storm extant
was when Virgins came home tight. Now
Virgins Is a teacher, and had been to tenn
perance meeting and had drunk too much lem
onade or something. He came into the room
among his wife and daughters, and Just then
ne fell over the cradle and fell whop on the
noor After while he rose and said. ''Wife,
are you hnrt NO. Girls are you hurt p
No" Terrible clap of thunder, wasn't it ?'
PROFESSOR HENRY, in the meeting of the A.
cademy OF Sciences at Hartford, speaking of
the electric spark, said he could Judge better
OF the duration of the spark when seen nernen.
dicularly than horizontally" When It anpear.
ed in print it read He could better Judge Of
the duration of the squash when seen nernen-
ddIcuarly than horizontally. That is equal to
Mr. Burllngame's eloquent allusion to the
granite shalt, on Bunker Hill-but which
was printed the 'grog shop on Bunker Hill.
A GAY young spark, of deistica turn. trav-
cling in a stage coach, forced his sentiments
upon the company by attempting to ridicule
the Scripture, and among other topics made
himself merry with the story Of David and Go.
Ilah, strongly urged the impossibilitv Of voutb
like David being able to throw stone with
sufficient force to sink it in giants forehead
On this he appealed to the company. and mar
ucularly to grave old gentleman of the de-
nomination called Quakers, who sat silent in
one corner OF the carriage. Indeed, friend !"
Ieplieo ne. 90 not think it at all improbable
Ii the Phlllstlnes head was as soft as thine. !"
A JOKE ON CHILLs. saw darkev on
west Walnut street, yesterday, with about the
WORST case OF chill We ever heard of. Histeeth
were chattering like reaper under full head.
way He was eating watermelon on the cnrb.
stone; and some one told him that eating #
would give him the chills. He looked m With h
his mouth halfful and slice in each n hand m,cn
shlvered out: ''Dis is de way tuch de- cb; iI'
eating desc things. got de chill on me now
BOSS and like watermiions better'n 7 dn2
de chills, kase dar amt no danger eb if mak Gu
me shake wus' n [ duz I'll eat dish Ell TA AZ
tore git to de rines.'' We left him s:fo be
ing it. "-LomsraHe Democrat '''''' light
A tombstone in village cemetery in tho IN
s seGf OF r xRa is adorned by piece of
ana tree The colt is represented as I ;Ug
this wise: 'P''aph Is In
Sacred to the memory Of
Henry Harris. -
porn June y, 1921, Of Henry Harris and T.,o
ms wife. Died on the 4h Of Nav 'i 1872 a h'
Inc KICK OF colt in his bowels, pescef fTI' .n ny
quiet friend to his father and mother aSa '.,.'
spcted by all who knew him and went t and b re-
world where horses can't kick and wbere .nat
row and weeping is no more. - ''0'0 SUI