The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1868-11-23
FAcETIE.
1t is said the most appropriate dance
for tin wedding is, the-can-can.

1t is said the most appropriate dance
for tin wedding is, the-can-can.
At q town meeting it was recently
voted "that all persons in town, owning
dogs, shall be muzzled." t
Why is the first chicken of brood
like the fore-mast of shipf Because
it's little forard of the main hatch.
Young Lady, ooh! Pm so glad you
like birds; which kind do you admire
mostf" Old SQUAD, "Well, think the
goose, with plenty of stuffing, is abou'
as good as any"
William Nestman, of Michigan, hung
himself last week as a cure for melan'
Echoly. He is said to have been an hon.
est man and is certainly now non-Nest
man.-M Y. World.
"Good morning, Mr.. Henpeck, said q
printer in search of female compositors
shave you any daughters that would
make good typesettersP "No; but
have a wife that would make very fine
devil" --
A Boston paper mentions an indi'
vidual there "who clasps his hands SO
fervently in prayer, that he can't get
them open whom the contribution box
come. round" .... -I
Some clergymen deal in rhetoric,
some in logic, and some in common
sense. The first are popular with the
ladies, the second with most men, and
the third with uneommODly few oil
either sex. .
"Tell me-" said one French child to
another, (Which would you rather lose,
your father or your motherp 81 don't
know" "I do; / would rather lose ma
ma, because its papa who makes all the
money"
A flock of birds flying over the heads
of two city merchants, one of them ex-
claimed, allow happy the creatures
are! They have no acceptances to pay!"
"You are mistaken" replied the other,
"they have their bills to provide for as
well as we."
A clergyman on his way to church,
one Sunday morning, aecosted cab
for his want of reverence for the day.
"Well, sir, can't keep the Sabbath
now "a days at all"
"But, my friend, if you don't keep
the Sabbath, you don't keep the law,
and then, what on earth do you keep 7"
"Sir, am laboring hard to keep a
wife and seven little 'uns," meekly re-
piled the cabman.
Well, my lad, where are you travelling
this stormy weather alone 7" asked an
inquisitive landlord in the North of
Vermont, during the last war, of boy
whose father was engaged in SNUG
Cling, and had sent him, young as he
was, with an important message, in ad-
vance of the party. "Going to draw
my PENSION" was the reply. "Pen-
sion m echoed the astonished landlord,
what does so small boy as you draw a
pension for ~ Winding my own busi
ness and letting that of Others alone"
A Duchess Grand Duchess-who is
well known in the QUARTER st. Germain
for her wit and size, went recently to
the Church Of st. Thomas d'Aanin TO
make her devOtions. She was late and
in order to get to her place she disturbed
others who were engaged in prayer or
meditation. One of the latter, whom
she unintentionaily elbswed, looking
up rather gruffly, said: MADAME, when
a lady has arrived at your bulk, she
ought to be in church before others"
"My good lady," replied the Duchess,
"pray to God that may get thin, and
allow me to pass"
A Literal TURN OF MIND.-We hear
of very polite and impressive gentle
man who said to youth in the street,
"Boy, may l inquire where Robinson's
drug store isl" Certainly, Sir" said
the boy, very respectfully. "Well, Sir"
said the gentleman, after waiting
awhile, where is It2" 81 hive not the
least idea, your honor" said the urchin.
There was another boy who was ac-
costed by an ascetic middle aged lady
with, "Boy, want to 60 to Dover
street" "Well, ma'am, why don't you
go there thenF" replied the boy.
One day, on Lake George, party of
gentlemen trolling among the beauti-
ful islands of the lake with rather bad
luck, espied little fellow with red
shirt and an old straw hat, dangling
line over the side of boat. ''Hello!
boy" said one OF them, what are you
doingp "Fishin'," came the answer.
"Well, of course" said the gentleman,
"but what do you catch'" Here the
boy became indignant at go much
questioning, and replied, "Fish, you
fool, what do you s'posei"
"Did any of you ever see an elephants
skinr inquired q teacher of an infant
class. 81 have" shouted u six-year-old
from the foot of the class. "Wheref
asked the teacher. "On the elephants
back" said the boy laughing.
Sometimes this sort of wit degener-
ates or rises, as the case may be, into
punning, as when Flora pointed pen
sively to the heavy masses of clouds in
the sky, saying, II wonder where those
clouds are goingi" and her brother re.
piled, 81 think they are going to thun-
der.n Also, as in the following dia-
logue: "Hello, there! how do you sell
woodp "By the cord" "How long
has it been cuff" -Four feet" 81
mean how long has it been since you
cut itr "No longer than it is now"
As also IS when Patrick O'Flynn was
seen with his collar and bosom sadly
begrimed, and was Indignantly asked
by his officer, Patrick O'Flynn, how
long do You wear shirtp and replied
very promptly, "Twenty-eight inches,
sir
The Fairfield (Iowa) Ledger contains