The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1868-11-10
The Rea, Game of Crouuet,

The editor having been so repeatedly
asked to settle disputed points at croque'
and determine whose rules were in re
ality those to be adopted, has called to
gether committee of the players or
whom he can most rely to frame rules
fer universal adoption. BY strict atten'
ton to the following instructions dis.
putes will be obviatcd and universal har-
mony procured =
l. On attempting to strike the ball
scrape the mallet deliberately along the
ground and push the ball along with it as
far as ever you can reach. When told you
are ''spooning," make use of coarse and
abusive language, and say "that is the
way you have always played" This
remark will not appear conclusive to the
other players, but no doubt will be found
to be true. Ii,
2. When left far behind through Ut
ter inability to get through the first
two hoops, seize an opportunity when
no one is looking at you or caring for
you to place your ball so conveniently
near the required hoop that to miss it
will be next to an impossibility. Ifyou
happen to be caught, blush and then
look foolish, endeavoring always to ex-
cuse your baseness by the assertion
"that you were only just moving it back
to where some one had knocked it by
accident" Every one will be sure to
believe YOU g5s
3. If you happen to be lady-it' will
be difficult to become one if you are not
and your bali is in convenient posi-
ton to be eroqueted by an adversary,
coolly hide your ball with your petit.
coats and assume an innocent air. A
bashful player will not dream of asking
you to move, though he be confident OF
your treachery. If you can't manage
this trick yourself, get friend to do ii
for you. The upshot will be found in
variably the same.
A. Adopt the rule of the ground when
ever it suits your stroke; and when il
does not, create a ridiculous disturbance
quoting every insane author who has
ever written ON the subject, knowing
well that the books are not in the house
5. Take the part of all pretty girls
elderly and demonstrative females and
bullying men, whenever disputes arise
You will be sure to get the best of il
amongst them.
6. Never play with your own ball, and
always out of your turn. 1t vexes con
scientious players and creates diversion
Z. If you happen to be asked to 8
croquet party, bring your own malle'
with you. You will thus avoid being
called ridiculous, and snubbed as con
ceited
s. When playing large game, and
your turn is approaching, run deliber
ately away into the house or the shrub
berry, or the kitchen garden, or any
where In fact where you will be sure to
keep the large game waiting Come back
and say sYou are so sorry" and ther
watch the faces of your companions.
0. Whenever an opportunity occurs
leave the balls and mallets on the lawr
all night-particuiarly if the grass bt
dewy. 1t improves both considerably
10. Let all the dogs in the establish
ment gnaw the croquet balls, and play
cricket invariable with the mallets; bott
will be better for the operation,
+ IL. Always affect ignorance as to the
manner of going through the centre
twisted hoop. You will naturally b'
thought a fool.
II. Pertinaciously give advice before
every stroke is made, and make your
self generally Objectionable. q,