Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1868-09-12

SANGUINARY revolution-Circulation
of the blood.
A LOVE that is never reciprocated-
neuralgia affection.
e The Oldest lunatic on record-Time
out of mind.
BELIEVE not all you hear, nor report
all you believe.
THE flowers of speech spring from
the root of the tongue.
GRACEFUL manners are the outward
form of refinement in the mind and
good affections in the heart.
The three things most difficult are,
to keep a secret, to forget an Injury,
and to make good use of leisure.
A LAZY fellow lying down on the
grass, said, "Oh, 1 do wish that this
was called work, and well paid"
"RoAsT Beef" said boarder to a
waiter. GLOW will you have it, sir?"
"Well done, thou good and faithful
servant"
LORD Bushfeld, the great game pre-
server, is so strict that be will not al
low even an egg to be poached on his
estate.
A NEGRO preacher, whose text was
in chapter II. of the / Book of John,
gave out as from "de two-eyed cha pter
of de one-eyed john"
STRANGE.-"Madame, great many
persons were disturbed at the concert
last night by the crying of your baby"
"Well, do wonder that such people
will go to concerts !"
A young lady stopping at the Pequot
House, New London, writes to a friend
in New York: awe are having splen-
did time, but we've not half enough
young gentlemen Will the young
gentlemen take notice.
-f AGRICULTURAL CANDIDATEs.-Iti is
reported that Seymour was recently
seen on his farm putting in new hay /;
on hearing which intelligence, Frank
Blair, who was then in St. Joseph, Mis-
souri,, Immediately proceeded to put in
some old rye.
INTEMPERANCE.-Rev. O. B. Froth.
ingham says: "If intemperance is ever
removed from society, it will be by
means of the moral forces which affect
people in society-not by policemen,
but by principles not by batons, but
. by ideas; not by statutes but by infu.
ences; not by prohibitory laws, but by
restraining, regulating sentiment"
"YoUNG man, what's the price Of
this silk?'' asked partially deaf old
lady.
"Seven dollars" was the reply.
"Seventeen dollars !'' exclaimed she
<'Tll give you thirteen"
"Seven dollars, ma'am, is the price
of the silk" replied the honest shop
man.
"Oh, seven dollars" replied the lady
sharply; "I'll give you 6vs."
READER, did you know that every
column of newspaper contained from
10000 to 10000 distinct pieces o
metal, the misplacing of any one o
which would cause a blunder or typo
graphical error? With this curious fac
before you, do you not wonder at th'
general accuracy Of newspapers Know
ing this to be q fact, you will be more
disposed we hope. to excuse rather thar
magnify the errors of the press.
A FUNNY love story was related th'
other day to one of the Police justices
of Chicago. Miss Polly Chester com
planned that her neighbor over the way
Mr.. c. NJ. Goodale, had annoyed he1
beyond all endurance. They had once
she said, been intimate, but she hat
mittened him. He had taken the mean.
of teaching half dozen parrots t
screech out the chorus, "Homely Polly
homely polly, lives across the way
Everybody who passed the house look
ed up at her windows, and she was moi
disposed to stand it any longer. Th'
sympathizing Justice fined the brut,
$50, and con6scated the parrots.
aeo, HARPER, in late number, gets Of
the following rich play on words:
In the region of the Pacific, and es
pecially in tie State of Nevada, strau
gers, and sometimes old settlers, ar
taken in and cheated iu the most sur
prising manner by purchasing claims
or "feet' in ledges of rocks commonl
known as quartz lodges. The seller
do not alwaps keep truth on their side
hence there is frequent grumbling OIL
the part of purchasers. A man VIII
~ had been bitten in this way became very
wroth and recommended to the Stat,
authorities of Nevada that they shoul,
adopt the Irish flag as the coat of arm
for the State. "Why should we do SO
inquired one of the officials. "Because'
replied the indignant purchaser of worth
less rock, "a shamrock and Tyre Tliar
are the two symbols for your coat o
arms"