The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-11-12
Short Paragraphs.

A wag, having married lady named
Church, says he has enjoyed more happi-
ness since he joined the Church than he
ever did during his life before.
A Sandusky mother recently reproved
her three-year old boy for eating icicles.
The analytical infant replied, 81 didn't
eat 'em, mamma, only sucked the juice
out of 'em,
"Hiram," said farmer to his hired
man who was working in the field, sit is
going to rain suppose you quit work and
50 play dig cellar"
"How is your husband, this afternoon,
Mrs. Squiggs I" "Why, the doctor says
as how If he lives till morning he will have
some hope of him, but if he don't he will
give him up"
A man in Brattleboro, Vermont, who
had not shaved for seven years, recently
had his beard taken off. 1t measured
three feet six inches in length.
A hardy seaman who had escaped one
of the recent shipwrecks on our coast was
asked by good lady how he felt when
the waves broke over him. "Wet, ma'am
very wet" he replied.
The following is one of the two or three
lines in the English language that read
precisely the same backward as forward
Snug 4 raw was ere | saw war & guns
In a graveyard in Texas there is tomb
stone whereon is engraved the following:
"She lived life of virtue and died of
Cholera mOtbus, caused by eating green fruit,
In the full hope OF blessed Immortality.
Reader, 90 thou and do likewise"
A cross old bachelor says: "The reason
why women do not cut themselves in two
by tight lacing, is because they lace round
the heart and that is SO hard they cannot
affect it,"
An orator who had raised his audience
to great height by his lofty soarings, ex-
claimed 81 will now close in the beau,-
full and expressive language of the poet
| forget his name-and-and-I forget
what he said, too"
Near Bath, New York, is farmer who
rejoices in the name of Clarke. He has a
network of ladders extending sky-ward
upon his farm, and also upon the large
trees in lis yard. When asked their use,
he replied eff the devil ever catches me
he has got to do some tall climbing"
You need not clasp your hands so fer
vently in prayer that you can't get them
open when the contribution box comes
round.
81 feel it my duty to dilate," said an
orator.. "Better die late than never
said voice in the crowd.
\ Paris landlady requested Christmas
party on the third floor to stop dancing, as
a man below them was dying. The guests
acquiesced. Returning an hour later,
"My dear children" she exclaimed, with
a most benevolent smile, "you may be-
gin again-he is dead f"
A colOrcd firm in Newark, New Jersey,
having suffered some pecuniary embarrass-
ments, recently closed business, and the
senior member gave to the public the fol-
lowing announcement:
''De disholushun of co-parsnip heretOfo
resting twixt me and Moses Jones in the
barber profeshun am theretofo resolved
PussonS who ose must pay to de scriber.
| ,hnt Il
as de firm is insolved."
The following inscription was found on
the headbourd Of a grave in the Sparta
''diggins," California
sin memory OF John Smith, who met a
violent deth neer this spot l8 hundred
and AZ too. He was shot by his own PTS
til. 1t was not one of the new kind but
a old fashioned brass barrel, and of such
is the Kingdom of Heaven"
81 have come for my umbrella said a
lender of one of those articles, on rainy
day, to his friend. Giant help that" ex-
claimed the borrower. "Don't you see
that | am going out with itp "Well
| yes, IcptIcu lHc ieuucl, doIOulohCu dt
such outrageous imbudence, ''yes-but-
but what am to aol" "Do ;" replied
, the other, as he threw up the top and
walked off, ado as did-borrow onep'
An enthusiastic old fellow and his wife
once visited Niagara Falls. They wor-
shipped the Falls all day from the piazza
in front of their room, and retired talking
over its wonders. At an early hour the
next morning the old gentleman was out
and as soon as he saw the falls he sang
out to the old lady:
"Wife p' wife !" I'll be burned if the
water amt still going over the dam !"
, A lady parting from her husband few
days since in the cars at Albany, exclaim.
ed, all in one breath: "Good-bye, Will
| write to me every day, won't youl ri
expect letter three times week, any
way. Take good care of my Sunday
School class, for I'll want it when come
back. If Miss Smith calls don't give hel
n more than ftty cents, for we have to sup