The New Orleans crescent. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1866-1869, 1868-09-13
The Dandy.
BY JOSH BILLISG

After natur had finished the furst man and the
fust women, she had little material at the bot
tom of her cups, and, not willing tew waste eny
thing, she MKT the two remnants together, more
for frolc than ennything else, just 70 Gee what
the compound would produce.
Throwing the mixture into the dieing Goals, in
few minnitts half baked, comical creature lay
sinking and mincing before her.
This IL the way that the fust dandy waz made.
and with bouquet in one hand and looking
glass in the other, Dame Nature turned him loose
into the world TO root.
The construkshun Of this creature of remnants
IL peculiar.
tury, revealed the fakt that his heart resembled
plneushion having no cells, the interior oV II be-
ing filed with cotton batting and sawdust, and
stuck awl over the outside with rosettes and dead
butterflies, with pins through them.
his head was divided into innumersble little
stalls in each ov which was deposited, In solution,
a very small quantity 0v brains, which ackted III
dependent of each other.
One stall waz devoted to kid gloves az Q
science, another TO tight boots and a third to
colOne water.
tween the fit ov his clothes and admrashun oV
them.
Hiz IDEAS never grasp ennythtng stronger than
PhalOn's last sensation In perfumery; hlz whole
emotional natur finds its nourishment and counter
part in plate ov the last Parish fashions hung up
at tsylor's window.
Tie genuine dandy-oue who knows hiz bizzi-
ness; his strongest pashun IL admerashuH, he kant
reach the dignity ov love.
To love requires both brains and a soul; and
dandy in love would be az butterfly kneelng at
the feet ov tulip.
Your real dandy IL long lived bird; biz pash.
uns are week; but regular, and. like a watch, the
works and the case wear out together.
he grows old like boquet, and Is Disk, anu IN
hurnor 20 the last.
Dandys have no courage, their pashuns are q
r1ixtur ov weak and delikate things; they kant To-
suit, nor be insulted; they are rabbits among men,
and among wimmn not bold enuf tew be feared,
noe useless enud TO be despized.
There IN one single trait IN their characters, that
| kan think ov now, highly commendible; they
are selfish land have right TO be-, bekause they
haint got ennything TO spare, their am0ishun haz
no more glory in it than q scent bag.
Reverence implys faith. and dandy hsz no
faith but in the Of biz hairdresser or taylor
meekness implys hope but hope In them IL moth
ing but emasculated impudence.
But while these useless creatures lack the viz
Jews ov life, they are seldum or never guilty oV
envy fust class vices they 60 through life needless
ov awl that IL very good, or very bad, and when
they git ready TO de- 1t IL as little importance
tew the world, as the loss ov cosmetck receipt,
or a clever twist In yaller neck-tie.
| Your genuine dandy seldum untes, he courts
as the hnmming. bird duz among the flowers, for
honey, not wife, and thinks that his attacks are
awl conquests but no sensible woman would
marry him emmy quicker than she would knowingly
lake counterfeit money In change.
This world will never be rid ov the dandy there
IL so many pincushion hearts, and heads not made
for brains there il 30 much vanity that i IL amply
! pleased with a dogs head on bamboo cane,
/ there IL so much kindness in looking glasses
there IL so much fragrance in bein pin feathel
kinr for an evening among silly hearts, that yune
dancys will keep bein born, and old dandys wal
frisk in srite Of their govt. or ennyDody's PAL
losophy.