davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1868-05-29

OUIo NY,
A. w. WILD,
ELLEN NJ. WILD.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1868-05-29
SCHOOL BOOKS,
STATIONERY

and Children's Carriages. We have also good
lotof
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1868-05-29

1t is and shall be- sold S cheaply a. Such an ar
ticle be afforded. II lower priced Superphos-
phate and OF good quality be desired let the genu-
article sold by the Company, be mixed with an
EQUAL AMOUNT OIL dry muck or hne old compost, and a
article is the result ana OF less than
dollars a hundred.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1868-05-29

OF extra good Corn which certainly should NOT
have got without the Superphosphate, it very
poor piece poor land other brands Phosphate
had not done well with and / had still less iiJh
applying after the was upbut put 1t on at the
hoeing-and astOnlshed to see how quick and
vigorously it took hold OF the crop"
! IL
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1868-05-29
WALTER NJ. ROGERS.
BosToN March 81 1868

BosToN, March p, 1868
To J0hOna 1t may concern: This is TO certify
that l have been with VIM. L. Bradley as fore
man, for nearly five years, both at his Super
Phosphate of Lime Mandatory, at Roxbury
md ~
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1868-05-29
PRICES

LOWEST PRICES.
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1868-05-29

Coventry, Feb. 4, lSGS-6tf
Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1868-05-29
.Those who buy and use it will lose no.


thing. left part my field without any The result
VERY MUCH in favor OF the Phosphate all through
the neighbOr had barrel Of what order
ed. and calls it better than Goes"
LONSON l.. RICE Fairee Vt.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17
JOSH BILLINGS ON TOMATOES.

| 1t is about or eleven years since folks
began to banker after the Tomatoes
About that time some doktor ov pills dis
sekted one of these vagrant vegetables and
discovered some doktor stuff in them,
/ As soon az the folks found out they was
fzic, they begun to be very sweet on the
tomater. a ruE
At that time they was in the habit of
growing in sly places, where they wasn't
afraid over behind stone walls, among
broken jugs, dcd kats, and old injun rubber
boots, for people wouldn't let thcmgrow
in gardens emmy more than they would a
/ kanady thissel.
| Thay was vaSabond weeds, and even a
wood hog wouldn't eat one ov the berrys
that grows.on them emmy quicker than he
would bawl Of red stocking yarn.
Bat it was decided that there was sum
/ pills in them; and thay was put to muss, in
I pots and vases, and lived on the phat of
the land, in hot houses, along side ov tiger
lillys and roses Of sharon.
1t took most folks 8 months of perse-
verance' and sea sickness TO get the toma-
toze to go quietly down, and from vile
weed more smelling than a deceased clam,
the tomatur haz actooally got tew be more
honored than buckwheat slapjack, or
even pumpkin pi
This shows what love and efftcshun will
do.
l haven't any doubt that if Professor
Ratsbane would say Professionally that
wasp nests was good TO make a mustash
grow black, half the men in the country
would get a wasp and go into the nest
T business.
| don't believe tomatur will keep a
man emmy more healthy than red clover
will, but am Just ike every one else, |
wanted to get some better than was, and
went to school to the tomatur, and have
got learnt how to eat them, if they are fill
Cd with salt and pepper and soaked well
in good slider vinegar.
But tomatozc have worked themselves
up INTO necessary, and am not the man to
injure reDutashun, for | believe an innocent
humbug haz as much right to win (if they
kim as any other man. .... ..
| have seen folks pick them oph from
the vines in the garden, and eat them right
down alive. | would as soon undertake
to eat a handful of putty.
There is one thing do hope, that no.
body will undertake to make kastor lie one
of the luxuries until after am dead, for
kaster lie and bed bugs IL things that
solcmDly swear ! won't have, if git to be
ever SO fashionable.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17
EXTRAORDINARY FISHING.

II was once on Lake Winnepiseogee. in
the Winter, fishing for pickerel," SAYS
Brown. at was awful cold and the ice
was four and a balf feet thick. Father was
with me, and while ! was thrashing my
hands to keep EN- warm, | noticed that
dad had an all fired hard bite, II was so
hard that it jerked the old feller through
the hole in the ice, and thought that he
was goner, but just then l remembered
that dad was awful fond of rum and tobac-
co, SO outs with piece of niggerhea1, and
soaks it in rum for minute, and the n
bats my hook with the weed, and drops
it through the hole what the old gentle
man went into, and in less than ten min
utes, gentleman, had bite, and up hauls
the old man as fresh as ever. But, gentle
men, he kept the tobacco.
\ prolonged whistle on the part of the
audience, as though Brown was not be
lieved.
"It's fact, gentleman" continued
Brown, "and that reminds me of another
story, which / don't mind tellin'. One
Winter was cro<sin' the lake on the ice
and as was goin TO a raisin' had an inch
anger in my hand. All at once thought
I'd ike to see how thick the ice was, so |
bored hole, and found that it was abont
two feet, Then thought I'd find ont how
deep the water was, so | dropped my
plumb line through the auger hole, and
hang me if did Mt have savage bite be-
fore the lead touched bottom.
81 pulled up, and landed seven pound
pickcrel -
Another prolonged whistle, and some
one asked Brown how seven-ponnd fish
could get through an anger hole.
That's somethin' | had nothin' to do
with, replied Brown. "All l know is,the
fish was caught and carried home, and |
ate my share OF him, and the old gentle
man took his part | don't bother my
head on matters what | cant understand.
And now who'll stand the liquor 7"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17
IT,
alnritkr IT olnnn rzHnn ~@4@~r:nnI

spirits, and never troubled herself about
the ownership of any extra pair of stock
ings" dangling from her neighbor clothes
line. Eve was frugal. contented and hap.
py, moving serenely in first circles, and,
undoubtedly Adam loved her devotcdIv
Mr.. Milton vino appeared to have estima-
ted the family highly, intimated as much,
and we have no doubt that he knew
We regret to add that misfortune cventu-
ally came upon this happy family. Eve
unfortunately became involved in trans
action in fruit-apples principally-iu
which Adam was involved, and their prop
erty, including the homestead" passed
out of their possession, and they were
obliged TO seek residence elsewhere
From this time we know little about them
except that Adam, by careful attention to
his diet, managed to live to the age of
nine hundred and thirty, aud died in the
prime of manhood, his life being shorten
ed, doubtless, materially by the loss of his
property. Whether Eve survived him or
deceased first we cannot say, but presume
she did
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

ca The following rules from the pa
pcrs Of DR.. West, according to his mem-
orsndum, are thrown together as way
marks in the journey of life:
Never ridicule sacred things, or what
others may esteem as such, however alb
surd they may appear to you.
Never show levity when people are at
worship.
Never resent a supposed injury until
you know the views and motives of the
author. --...
Always take the part of any other per-
son who is censured in company, SO far as
truth and propricty will allow.
Never think less Of another on account
Of his differing with you or political or re.
ligious subjects.
Not TO dispute with man who is n ore
than seventy years Of age; nor with a wo-
man, nor an enthusiast ..
Nor effect to be witty, or to jest, so as
to wound the feelings of another. To say
as little as possible about myself, and OF
those who are near to me. To aim al
| cbeerfulncss without levity.
Never to covet favor of the rich by
fattering either their vanity or vices. y.
To speak with deliberalion on all occa-
sions, especially in circumstances which
tend to irritate
Frequently 10 review my conduct anG
note my feelings. 8a
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17
@1ise ann utbsrmiss,

a Yankee riding on railroad ras dspos-
ed to astonish the other passengers, with
tough stories. At last he mentioned that
one Of his nCighbors owned an immense dairy
and made million pounds of butter and a
million pounds Of cheese yearly. The Yankee
perceiving that his veracity was in danger of
being questioned, appealed TO friend:
"True, isn't it, Mr. -? speak Of Dea.
con Brown" nab .
"Y-e-s," replied the friend, ''that is, I
know Deacon Brown, though | don't know
as ever heard precisely how many pounds
Of butter and cheese he makes year but
know he has twelve saw mills that all 60 by
butter milk.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17


GRANT AND HIS HATcHET-When
Ulysses S. Grant was little boy, his faith
er bought him Ratchet. Ulysses was so
delighted that he went about hatchetmg
everything he could find. One fatal day,
after things had been going on thus and
so for more than week, Ulysses cut down
one of his fathers favorite pear trees
When the old gentleman saw the ruin Of
his favorite pear tree, he went to U, S. and
said ::
az. S., who cut down my favorite pear
tree ?" -.
81 cannot tell lie, father, I cannot tell
a lie" said Ulysses. 'Ben johnson cut il
down with his hatchet." .s.... .
"My dear son." said the old gentleman
spanking him, II would rather have you
tell a thousand lies than lose so fine q
tree J"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

The DrFEREScE.-A young lady who
prided herself on her geography, seeing
candle aslant, remarked, that it reminded her
of the "Leaning Tower of Pisa ID ,i.v
eyes" responded a wag, with this differ
ence, that is tower in Italy, while this is
tower in grease"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17
HAS SHE A CALLP

Has she call to be wife who thinks
more OF her silk dress than her children
and visits her nusery no ofener than once
a day
Has woman call to be a wife who
spends her time in reading the latest
novel, " compelling her husband, with a
depleted purse, to hire domestic to sup
ply her lack of service
Has that woman call to be wife who
cries for cashmere or camepS. hair shawl
when her husbands notes are protested
Has that woman call to be wife who
expects her husband to swallow diluted
coffee, soggy bread, smoky tea, and watcry
potatoes, six days out of seven?
Has she call to be a wife who firts
with every man she meets, and~ reserves
the frowns for the home freside?
Has she call TO be a wife who comes
down to breakfast in abommable curl pa
Pers, soiled dressing gown, and shoes
down at the heel?
Has she call to be wife who bores
her husband when he comes into the house
with the history Of a broken tea cup or
the possible whereabouts Of a missing
broom m-handle?
Has she call to be wife whose hus-
bands love weighs nought in the balance
with her next door neighbor's damask
curtains, or velvet carpet?
Has she call to be a wife who would
take advantage of moment of conjugaI
weakness to extort money or exact pro
mise
Has she call to be wife who takes a
journey for pleasure, leaving her husband
to toll in close office, and have an eye"
when at home, on her servants?
Has she call to be a wife to whom a
husbands society is not the greatest Of
earthly blessings?
Has she call to be wife who listens
to outside SANDER against her husband ?
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

DIR. DWIGHT AND THE FARMER-As
the reverend doctor once passed through
region of very poor land he said to a
farmer. "Sir | perceive your land here
is very productive
No, sir, y said the farmer, sour land
is just like self-righte9usness." oil
All! how is that ?" -...ea
Why the more a man has of it the
poorer he is"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

IRRITABLE ScHooLMAsTER.-"Now, then,
stupid, what's the next word What comes
after cheese ?" -........ ......,
Dull BoY.-"A mouse, Sir" ......-,,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

A little four year-oId child, in Port
land, told his father be was fool. On being
rcprimanded by his mother, and required to
say he was, sorry, he todded up to the insult
ed parent and exclaimed; "Papa, I'm sorry
vou's a fool" ... ..-..--
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17
eg The following rather hard story i

ET The following rather hard story is
told by Troy paper "Ihe other morn
Ing gentleman found in trap he had
set a complete rat skin, and--nothing
more The snap had caught the animal by
the nose, and in struggling to escape he
walked entirely out of his skin. Attached
TO the skin were portions Of the bones Of
the head, the hind feet, and the whole tail.
Leading from the trap TO hole near by
were tracks Of blood"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

.tIt Esa .Ett .-ans
: Coop ARricLE,-7" Doctor, that ere rats
bano Of yours is frst-ra'e," said Yankee
to an apo hecary. s.,.-.. - ..-...s--5
'kpow'd it, know'd it," said the vender Of
drugs, evidently well pleased with the fiat
terng remark of his customer. "Don't keep
nothing hut first-raie stuff-every thing 10
prime.n trs
d "And, doctor, I want to buy another pound
of ye." ,.. -.4- q Ice ,-'lEsa
"Another pound p calculated the doctor,
with his eyes almost ready 10 start from
their sockets, what another pound I"
Eyes, sir, gin the whole Of that pound 7
bought the other dsy to .pesky. old rat sui
made it awfnIIy sick, and am sure anotksr
pound viii kill him right out" s'
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

eT A toll gate keeper in England was
brought before magistrate for cruelty to
his daughter The little difficulty arose
from a discovery made by her parent that
the girl who was frequently left in charge
of the gate, used to allow her sweetheart,
a young butcher, TO drive his wagon
through free. She never tolled her love.'
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

Ladies are like watches--p-etty enough 10
look at-sweet faces and delicate hands, but
somewhat difficult to ''regulate" after they
are set a-going. '
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

JUVENILE CuR1osITY,-"Won't you cut
open penny for me father % said alittle
girl when she came home from school one
day. s-" T"ns. -.'' 7f
"Cut open penny "What do you want
roe to do that Cor ~ asked her father.
"'Causc," said the little girl, "our teacher
says that in every penny there are, four
farthings, and I want to see them"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

What is the difference between a mans
hitting his wife's nasal organ, and woman
knitting stockings One hits her nose; the
other knits her hose -aa-l ' = ai
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

There is a story from California of burg
lar wh1 at midnight climbed up a chamber
window and cautiously opened it. The oc-
cupant CHANGED to be awake, heard the noise,
crept softly to the window, and just, as the
robbers face appeared he presented the
smooth muzzle Of a revolver, with the in
junction
"You get !"
"You bet - replied the housebreaker,
dropping to the ground and running off.
There is no more pithy dialogue on record.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

"My good fellow" said one man to anoth-
eF, slapping him on the shoulder. "you are
one of the men we read of ~ 'swhcre do you
read Of me ~ SIN the police report"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

Nimrod, astry RI say, my good feIio~,
I've missed my way can you tell me whe~
am ~ Agriculturist eyes, kin J" Nun
rod :: sThank you where am I?'' Asricus.
tOrist: ''whoy, there you be )"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

"I have very httle respect for the lies of
this world u as the chap said when the rope
was put round his neck. ..... .. tad
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

| An ugly old bachelor suggests that births
should be published under the head of"New
! Music" HsHti
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

A kiss, says French lady, costs less, and
gratifies more than anything else in exis-
tence. a+ CD '- 1886
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

re- Remember that you are at the
door of eternity, and have other work TO
do than to triae away time,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

"Hurrah for the girls Of '76 !" s
''Blawst me ~ said an EngIishman, "that's
too plnguey old. '0oray for the girls of l7.n
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

MIXED UP SL1GHTLY.-Here is a little
article from the pen of Mark Twain, Civ
ing an account Of visit, while in New
York TO the great Bible House:
Still on the fifth floor is a huge room
with nineteen large Adams steam presses,
all manned by women { four of them con-
founded pretty, too, snatching off Bibles
in Dutch, Hebrew, Yam yam, Cherokee,
etc, at rate that was truly fructifying to
contemplate. | don't know the mean
ing of that word, but | heard it used some
where yesterday, and it struck me as be-
ing an unusually good word Any time
that put 10 word that doesn't balance
the sentence good, | would be glad If you
would take it out and put in that one, y
Adjoining was another huge room for
drying the printed sheets very pretty
girls in there, and young and pressing
them { the sheers, not the girls.) They
used hydraulic presses, three of the
prettiest wore curls, and never sign of a
waterfall-the girls | mean and each of
them is able to down with the almost in
credible weight of eight huLdfed tons OF
solid simonppre pressure, the hydraulics
am referring to now, of course. J and one
had cot blue eyes, and both the others
brown. All me! ! have cot this hydrau-
lie business tangled little, but | can
swear that it is no fahlt of mine. You
needn't 20 to blame me about it. You
have got to pay just the same as if it
were as straight as a shinele. / cant af-
ford to 60 in dangerous places, and then
get my wages docked in the bargain.
SoLD.- A rich old widower in Canada
is said to have practiced very artful
scheme to gain the hand of the belle of
the village He got an old gipsy to tell
the young lady's fortune which he dictated
as follows:
I" My dear young lady, your star will
soon be bid for a short time by dark
cloud, but when it re-appears it will con-
tinue to shine with uninterrupted splendor
until the end Of your days. Before one
week wealthy old widower, wearing a
suit Of black and fine castor hat, viii
pay you visit and request your hand in
marriage. You will accept his offer, be-
come his wife, and be left a widow, in
possession Of all his property, before the
close OF the year. The next husband will
be. the young man of whom You think most
at present. -.... a..
Three days after, the old gentleman,
dressed in the manner described by the
gypsy, presented bimselfto the young lady,
.snd the marriage followed. The year is
more than out, but the tough old widow
er still fingers.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

That's pretty CO." said the husband
when beautiful vie rah away from him.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17
VOL. Y III.
Wyoming Qemurrat.

A Democratic weekly
gaper devoted to Poll
a,. News, the Arts
,7i sciences Sc. Pub
bel every We dnes-
dlv. at Tunkhannock
Wyoming County Pa
gY HARVEY SlCMtR
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

The fellow who went oft for q LARK, bro't
back turkey" ..,. a.ss..-gs.n
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17

JOSH. BILLINGS SAYS The best cure /
know of for tight boots is small feet"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17
THE SONG THEY SING IN MICHIGAN.

Not n q drum was heard, Eor a funeral note,
As his corpse to oblivion we hurried
Not groan escaped Radical throat
When Negro Suffrage was buried.
We buried him deep in Michigan SOIL
So deep that they ne'er will uncover him,
Unless some Radicals boring for oil,
By the dearly loved scent should discover him
His coffin was made of ballot box
With white mems ballots We bound him,
And he looked like babbOon taking his rest.
With Posts and Tribuncs aro und him.
Few and short were the speeches we made,
And we sung not dolefu dtty:
But his body and spirit together we laid,
Just out Of the White Mans City.
AMI as we were hastily tramping back,
Twas said if the ID don't take him,
He'll quietly sleep in that grave so deep,
Till the trumpet Of Gabriel shall wake him.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17
N0erU
AT TWILIGHT.


We sit by The window, my baby and ],
In the fading sunset light,
Watching the darkness creep over the sky,
Out of the Eastern night;
We see the stars come trembling out
In the track of the falling sun,
And We feel the quiet within and without,
That comes when the day is done.
What have we been doing all day, all day,
Since the rosy morniug smiled
Playing at work, and working at play,
God help us, mother and child
But much fear those little hands
Have put me to shame to-day;
For God, who is earnest, understands
Truly our work and play.
think of kindness left undone,
That might have frightened the day
Of duties dreamed Of, but never begun,
Scatter cd along the way
You lie with peace in your violet eyes
You have not learned regret
For the sorrowful years that make US wise
Have not come to my baby yet
And still, as sit in this twilight hour,
At the close Of weary day,
Even sorrow and sin do not quite have power,
To keep blessing away
A blessing that falls like the dew from Heaven
On the parehod and thirsty ground
And in loving much, because much forgiven,
Ny deeper peace is found.
Your life, my baby, is just begun,
And mine is growing old;
But we IRE children boIh in the eyes Of One
Whose years are all untold
He holds us both in his loving hand,
lie parlons all our sins;
And, by and by, to the same sweet land
lie will gently let US in
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1868-06-17
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