The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1868-03-27

l snatched the dispatch and read it
myself, ez follows:
TO THE Its all mn.
I'm a ded duck. Hartman is elected
by about 5000. The resckshun got
stuck in a notch NV the White Noun
tains. Pray for us.
SINCLAIR
Utterin stingin cuss at Dean and
Burr, and them fellows who he'd de-
ceeved US into beleef that Moo Hamp-
sher wuz safe, sot about bringin NV
EN- TO. The President wuz the long
est q coming out NV the faint Sadly
they ariz, one after another. their de-
jeckshun cOntrastin powerfully with
the hilarity Nv a moment afore.
Ringin bell, Randall sed to the
clerk who answered it, ez follows
sYoO may inform the bands that il
won't be necessary for EN- TO longer
wait. The men attendln the artillery
may retire to the bosoms Nv their
families, and those waitin to be form
ed into spontaneous professions may
be dismissed. The President hez de.
sided not to he serenaded to- Mite
Just then band wuz heard ap-
proachin. 'Thunder!' sed Randall,
'dare they play without orders
BUT we discovered that it wuz not
the offishel band. A peroession wuz
soon passin afore the White House
headed by transparency, onto wich
wuz a dead duck, with face Won
'derfully like his Eggslency's. and the
band behind wuz playin ded march
es and sich, with muffled drums.
Four times these hartlis cusses pass
ed up ard down afOre the White
House.
IS it not hidyus p sed the Presi-
dent.
served yOU iito,' sod I. 'Yoo
wood take matters in yOor own hands
-yoo would attempt the work of a
Statesman with the qualificashens Nv
police court lawyer. Wretched
man" sed ] transfixin him with my
piercenist gaze, why wood 700 at
tempt to eat fire whose mouth is only
capable Nv Limburg cheese? With
Grant at the head Nv the armies, why
did yoo attempt revOlushen? When
700 attempted to drive Stanton out,
hadn't 700 sense enutt to know that
it made a direct ishoo atween 700
and the Ablishnists from wich they
Good not escape. and that yOor death
or theirn wuz inevitablep YOO made
it nesssry for EN- to slay 700, and, In
trooth, they've made a lively CON-
mensement. Moo Hampsheer is q
fatal stab, impeachment will fOller in
sixty days, and then long farewell
to all our glory. Good mite, yoOl
Eggslency, pleasant dreems. I'll to
my chamber
And / left the poor man weepir
lgreat tears and bitter ones.
III sent the follerin dispatch home
to the Cross Roads. by telegraph
,TwuZ ruther expensive on the gov
ernment, but Seward told me thai
telegrafiln wuz legitimate expendi
toor, and to yOOse the wires ez much
ez l chose.
To Deekin Pogram, Bascom, Nc
Pelter and Gavitt, Jr.. Trustees:
THESE GREETIN :-Deerly beloved
1 saloot yoo. Not Joyfully and witt
liteness NV heart, but on the contrary
qite the reverse. We've bustid
Veni, V,di, Vieiy wich, the way we
translate it, means, we cum, we saw
and got squeezed 1t is my painful
dooty to inform 700 that Moo Ham
psheer, NV wich we expected better
things, hez gone lunatic sgin, and
hez electid O hater NV us uns and
ourn, ez its Cheef magistrate. In
this crisis I direct that next Friday
mornin between the hours of o and
IL A. NJ, be observed ez a day OI
fastin and hOOmiliatIOn. j wood hey
! una hnld sarpisas at tho nhnrnh. hni
found that | he'd brot away in my
valise the only Bible in the Corners
and it is therefore impossible. Ia
No labor is ever done at the Corners
it amt necessary to direct 700 to
abstain therefrom, but you will give
over yoor yoosual occupashens ez
follows.
l. No seven n-upj or poker playin
doOrin that period.
2. No hoss-racin, copper. .pitchin,
fghtin, or other amusement, will be
admissible.
3. And that the flesh may be NOR
titled to an extent commensurate with
the calamity that hez befallen us, no
likker will be allowed between those
hours, ceptin to invalids and persons
Nv extreme age.
There will be weepin and wailin at
the corners when this is received.
PETROLEUM Massey, p. M,
(Which is Postmaster,