Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-07-31

Wise ana othCrwfSC.
A conundrum which we all give up
--Mfc- VI s.EEaAa Ns st# ta
Mief often live long enough to be-
come strangers in this world.
A truly great mar never puts away
the simplicity of a child.
8sh Wise sayings often fall to the
ground, but a kind word is never.
thrown away.
Some author says that one of the
uses of adversely is to bring us out
That's true-particularly ut the knees
and elbows. a..ss..
There is something sweet about lit
tie girls.-ErchdRgc. .s- ....sl.
!t grows on 'em as they grow big
ger.-LouisriN Journal.
Daniel S. Dickinson used always to
say that he knew when Horatio Sey-
mour most desired tn be q candidate
for Office, by the pertinacisy with
which he declined 1t.
The Nonpariel says that young
lady was struck dumb on the Attn
inst. at Council Bluffs by the firing
of a cannon. A ehance for some
chap to get a quiet wife.
A man i'm Connecticut kept the
canker worms from his trees and had
u crop of fruit, by keeping flock of
turkeys i'm the orchard, while adjoin-
ing orchards of his neighbors produc-
ed none. ..
Mr.. Robinson thinks it conclusive
evidence of drunkenness when he
sees man sticking postage stamp
behind his left ear, and attempting to
get into letter box to 60 by the mail
train.n
Be slow In choosing friend, and
slower to change him; courteous TO
all Intimate with few; slight no
man for his humbieness, nor unduly
esteem any for their wealth and great
ness.
One of Josh Billings maxims:
"Rise early, work hard am late, live
ON what you KANT sell, give nothing
away, ard if you don't die rich, and
go to the devil, you may sue me for
damages" .....F
George Haydock, the "ex-wood-
sawyer" died recently, aged SO years.
He is said to have been instrumental
in securing some p, 900 signatures to
the pledge, nearly 5000 of whom had
been confirmed drunkards.
4 At a collection lately made at %
charity fair, young lady presented
the plate to n rich man who was no.
ted for his stinginess. IL have moth
ing" was his curt answer. "Then
take something" she replied "you
know that / am begging for the
poor"
A little Berkshire five-year old,
who was hungry one night recently,
just at bed time. but didn't wish to
ask directly for something more to
eat, put it i'm this way: Mother, are
little children who starve to death
happy after they die ?" A good big
slice of bread and butter was the an
swer.
A loyal Irishman, who served
faithfully throughout the war, upon
reading the dispatch from Chicago
announcing the nomination of Gen
eral Grant, looked up very seriously
and remarked to those around, "that
it was his opinion that Grant would
not run" Upon the indignant deni-
al of his friends, he gave as his rea-
son "that it was something he was
never known to do"
Ret Clarkson in poetic prose utters
jolly dirge over the defunct Hop
percusses" and jubilant "farewell!"
to the last of these omniverous chaw-
lists that have of late rioted in q car
nival of expensive feasting Oh the
products of gardens and fields about
Des Moines. The army of them have
taken wing and gone away to the
northward, or been killed off by the
dyspepsia as q proper punishment for
their indiscriminase voracity. -sFE
Why should everybody be all the
time telling what everybody knows,
as, for example, sit Is very hot J"
Why should a correspondent in send
ing by telegraph at two cents word,
an account of the cutting off of n
mans head by a locomotive wheel,
and that "he died instantly" rs If
the people did not know that
when mans head was of, the man would die
"How had you the audacity to go
and tell some of the people of P
that 1 was mean fellow and no gen.
tleman ?" said Scotch nobleman to
his servant. .. ..........B
INA, ma, my lord, yell no catch
me at the like o. that" said John
when / gang to P-I aye Keep my
thochts to mysel." ~1 ~
Enthusiastic Copperhead-"rm
taking up subscription to fire a sa-
hte over the nomination of Seymour.
Give us q dollarn
Chase Democrat-"Want to shoot,
do you ?'
Copperhead-"Of course we do"
Chase Democrat--"Shoot! why,
the d., man! shooting is Just what
Seymour is most afraid of. You will
suit him better, if you are his friends
III you butcher niger and burn
hospital or two"
STRAYED OR SToLEN.--The follow
ing advertisement appeared in the
Chicago Stats Zcitung:
"REwARD AND WARNING.-My
wife Barbara Rikschen, nee Roeslern,
has either run away from me or been
stolen. L shall smash the head of
the person who brings her back to
me. AS do not pay my own debts,
NV PAobaotC l. pay
hers.
LOUIS RIKscHEN.
An Illinois paper says:
The following incident is said to |
have occurred, as the Belle of Pike |
was on her down trip last Saturday |
evening, at Jones' Ferry: e
Captain Abrams was standing Oh |
the promenade deck, when the boat |
was hailed by small boy on shore,
and, after landing, the following dia-
logue ensued:
Captain-"What is wanted? ?"
Small boy-''I say, Cap, take this
letter to- ST. Louis, and put a three
cent stamp on it, and put it i'm the
Post Office" ..,.. .....' ..'...
Captain-"Hand 1t to- the man on
the plank
Boy hands the letter to- San Ameri-
can citizen of African descent" The
Captain taps the bell, the boat rounds
faom the shore and proceeds as if
nothing unusual had transpired.
THAT'S Wor I THo'T. Read
this and .'smile.n at the expense of
the conductors -
A few days since, says Michigan
paper, a specimen of humanity.