The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1868-11-07
FACETIE.

fornia, declares that he goes for the man
who was "named after dat town"
An Irish dragoon, on hearing that his
widowed mother had married since he
quilted ireland, exclaimed, 81 hope she
won't have a son older than me, for, if
she does, shall lose the estate.
Two men narrowly escaped drowning,
recently, at Havre, France. The GUS
tom-house officers succeeded in rescuing
both, when one of them said, Wont
you be good enough to dive for my
hat ~
A pious but hungry little boy. whilst
in tue midst of bountiful repast, was
recently astounded by companions
remarking: "Charlie, if you were to
eat much more and it should kill you,
you would weigh So much that the an
gels could not carry you to heaven"
The little son of a Brooklyn tailor
was saved from drowning by work
man at the risk of his life. While the
dripping preserver placed the boy in
his parents arms, in a gush of graft
tade the father offered to "iron out his
clothes if he would send them along"
"Mother," said a, little boy in OR
presence, the other day, ave got such
a bad headache, and sore throat, too"
"Have you, my dearr asked the
mother; "well, you shall have some
medicine"
"It's no matter" retorted the shire wd
urchm, "I've got 'em-but they don't
hurt me-"
The fish in Lake Mollyehunkemunb,
Maine, are said to be superior to those
of either Lake Weeleyyoksbacook or
Moo oosetookmegantue. Those of Lake
| Chaubuugogungamaug, were very fine,
but they all got choked to death in try
ing to tell where they lived.
"William, thee knows 1 never call
anybody names; but, William, if the
Mayor Of tho city were to come to me
and say, Joshua, want thee to find
me the biggest liar in all Philadelphia,
/ would come to thee and put my hand
on thy shoulder, and say to thee, will
| liam, the Mayor wants to see thee"
A couple of gentlemen observing a
pretty rough looking customer leaning
against lamp-post, much under the
! influence of tarantula, made bet as
to his politics. Approaching him, one
of them said: "How do stand, unclei
You're Democrat, are you notW "Dem-
ocrat be id! l admit the symptoms,
but, if l know myself, Pm on ozzer
side"
In Scotland, recently, woman went
to register the birth of her child, and
had TO answer the usual questions. To
the one-"Were you present at the
birthp the astonished woman answer
ed, "Pm the mither of the bairn."
"But that is not an answer to my ques-
tion," replied the registrar. "Were you
present at the birthi" "Yes, of course"
she said, 81 was there"
Ole Bull WAS once seeing the sights at
Donnybrook Fair, when he was attract
ed by tho sound of very loud violin in
tent. He entered, and said to the
player: "My good friend, do you play
by notei" ''The devil a note, sir"
"Do you play by ear, theni" "Never
an ear, your honor" "How do You
play, then 7" "By main strength, be
jabers."
Little Walter Draper is a very good
boy, according to all the rules laid down
for good little boys. Last Sunday he
asked his mother to 60 down to the
Gould g. Curry reservoir, which his
mother refused, on the ground of its
being the Sabbath. Good little boys
sometimes cry little, and Walter began
blubbering.
"Why, Walter" cried his mother, 81
am astonished! The idea of your wish
ing to 90 dewn to the reservoir on the
Lords holy Sabbath to 60 swimming
with a lot of bad little boysw
''Boo, hoo," blubbers Walter, 81 didn't
want to 60 swimming with 'em, ma (;
IOnly wdnted to 90 GOlpn an see the bad
little boys get drowned for goin' in s,rim-
min on Sunddy-boo, hoo Virgiaid
Enterprise.