The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1868-02-07


went home.
A BIBLE class was asked to name the
precious stones named in the Bible. At
ter several scholars had given answers,
one little fellow was,called out. "Well,
Thomas, what precious stones have you
tound:" "Brimstone," ," was the reply.
Mist NpFESTOOD THE TEXT.--A wOF-
thy deacon hired u journeyman farmer
from neighboriHg town for the sum
mer, and induced him-although unac-
customed to church -goingto accompa-
ny the family to church on the first
sabbath Of his -tny. Upon their return
to the deacun's house, he asked his hired
man how he liked the preaching. He
replied
II don't like to hear any minister
preach politics"
~ am sure you heard no politics to-
day." said the deacon.
81 am sure that did," said the man.
"Mention the passages" said the dea-
con,
81 will, "he suid. IF the Democrats
scarcely are saved, where will the Re
publicans appear:' "
"Ah," said the deacon, "you mistake.
These are the words-'lf the righteous
scarcely are saved, how will the ungod-
ly and wicked appearo'
so, yes" said the man, she might
have used those words, but knew
IpnaoI ,y.J, d 3
THREE THINGS a WOMAN CAN'T DO.
There are three things woman can't
do. First she can't sharpen lead pen
ell. Give her one and see. Mark how
iaggedly she hacks away every particle
OF wood from round the lead, leaving
an unsupported spike of the latter which
breaks Immediately you try to use it.
You can almost forgive the male crea-
turc with compassionate contempt, as
| chucking her under the chin, he tWitch-
g. it from her awkward little paw, and
rounds and tapers it in the most ravish-
ing manner for durable Use. | wish to
hear no more on that point, because
when ! once make up my mind, all the
king'+ men can't change il.
Well, then, Secondly: \ woman can't
do up 4 bundle. She takes n whole
newspaper to wrap upa paper of pins
and coil ofrope to tie it, and it will
be undone at that. When | 60 shop
ping-which is sometimes my hard lot
to do look on with the facinated
gaze of bird in the neighborhood Of
"a magnetic serpent, TO watch clerks do
up lundles. How the paper falls into
Just the right crease; how deity they
turn ii over, and tuck it under, and tic
1t up and then throw il down upon the
counter ~ if they had done the most
commonplace thing in the world instead
ola deed which might-and faith does
task the ingenuity of 'angelsI, III is
perfectly astonishing.
Thirdly | may allude 10 the fact that
women cannot carry an umbrella; OF
rather to the peculiar manner in which
they perform that duty but l won't.
] scorn to turn traitor TO n sex. who,
. whatever may be their faults, are al.
ways loyal to each other. So shall moi
, say, as | might otherwise have said
t that when they unfurl the parachute
5 allude to, they put ii right down ovel
their hoses-take the middle of the side
!, walk raklng"otf laen's hats, and wo
{ mems bonnets as they go, and walking
,, right into the breakfast OF some unfol
L tunate wight, with that disregard Of tn,
:, consequent gasp which TO be understoo,
7 must be felt ~ the offender cocks ~
n one corner of the parachute and look
Q detantly.at the victim who has the ei
T frontery to come into the world an,
~ hazard the whalC-oone and handle q
- her umberill'