davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-11-11

Josh Billings on the Frog.


Josh Billings replies to correspondent
in this wise:
"Benvolio: writing for you an
analysis Of the frog, must confess that
copied the whole thing vervatus ad liberia
ting, from the works of celebrated
French writer Of the 10th century.
"The frog is the first place a tadpole,
and body and tail without coming to
head"
she travels in pond holes, by the side Of
the turnpike, and is accelerated by the ac
tivity of bis tale, which wiggles with un-
common limberness and vivacity. By and
by, before long, pretty soon, in Il few days,
his tale is no more and legs begin to en-
erge from the north end Of the animal,
and from the south end, at the same time,
may be seen disposition to head out.
SIN this cautious way the frog is built,
and then for tho first time in his lsfe he
begins to git his head abuv water.
His success is now certain, and soon, in
about 5 days more, he may be seen sitting
down on himself by the side ov the pond
hole, and looking at the dinner baskets of
the children on their way to the district
school.
''As the children cum more nearer with
club or chunk Of brick in his hand to
swott him with, he rares up on his behind
legs and enters the water head first, with
out opening the door.
"Thus the frog does business for q spell
ov time, til he gifts to be q, and then
his life is more ramitied.
Frogs have 2 natures, ground and wa
ter. and is as free from sin as All oyster.
81 never knew frog to hurt any body
who paid his honest dues.
81 don't recollect now whether frog
has any before legs or not, and if he don't
it amt nybody's business but the frogs.
"Their hind legs are used for refresh
ments, but the rest of him won't pay for
eating.
"a frog is the only person who can live
in well and not git tired.
'Thc bull frog is the boss Of the puddle,
and has log to sit on, over on the other
side of the puddle, and talks to the rest of
the frogs, way down in his throat so that
you can't understand more than half what
he ses he is generally a cross amd lazy
old devil, all ever wartz.
This is all there is worth knowing about
the frog, except that they ketch flies in fly
time, and winter by freezing up solid.
p. 81 have endeavored to translate
mi author cloas, but it is tutf to render all
his beauties into our tung, without busting
the sense.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-11-11

TEN FoLL1Es.-To think that the more
man eats the fatter and stronger he
will become. TO believe that the more
hours children study at school the faster
they learn. To conclude that if exercise
is good for the health, the more violent
and exhausting it is the more good is done.
TO imagine that every hour taken from
sleep is an hour gained. TO act on the
presumption that tho smallest room in the
house is large enough to sleep in. TO ar
que that whatever remedy causes one to
feel Immediately better is good for the sys-
TEN, without regard to more ulterior Of
fects. To commit an act which is felt in
itself to be prejudicai, hoping that, some
how or other, it may be done in your case
with impunity. To advise another to take
remedy which you have tried yourself
without making inquiry as to whether all
the conditions are alike. To eat without
an appetite, or to continue to eat after it
has been satisfied, merely to crafty the
taste. To eat hearty supper for the
pleasure experienced during the brief time
it is passing down the throat, at the ex-
pense Of whole night of disturbed sleep,
and a weary waking in the morning.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-11-11

A curious electrical phenomenon was
recently produced by lightning during a
violent storm at Yonne, France. 1t struck
house, and, passing through one Of the
rooms, impreceptibly touched an lakewood
bureau. One of the drawers contained
800 in gold. silver and copper, and on
being opened, it was discovered that tho
whole was converted into one solid mass.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-11-11

GuNs.-They get their names from their
inventors; Sir William G. Armstrong, Of
England; Dahleren, Of the United States
Navy Gen. Paixhsn, who introduced the
Paixhan gun into the French service; r.
P. Parrott, of West Point; and Whitworth,
Of Manchester, England.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-11-11
GALL MANKIND ARE BARRIERS"

I'll prove to you, my friend, I hope,
That none doubt can harbor
But all the worlds barbershop,
And every mans barber.
Some shave to make themselves look neat,
And some because tits funny;
But brokers shave you in the street,
And only shave for money.
Some shave their foreheaGs slick and clean,
II with low heads they're bothered;
but then tits plainly to be seen
That they're the ones that's lathcred.
To court girl with eloquence,
The dandy never frets her,
But lathers her with complim ,nts,
And shaves her when he gets her.
The mai6ens. also, now and then,
Who are 80 fond of sporting.
Soft-soap the shallow.m nded men,
And shave 'em while they're courting.
But men and girls who thus will boast
OF soaping while they tarried,
Will find at last, with bitter cost,
That bo'h get shaved when married.
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-11-11

Are made strong by The use of either Of these reno
dies They will cure every case Of MARASMUS
without fail.
Thousands Of certificates have accumulated in the
hands of the proprietor but space will allow of tho
publication of but few. Those, it will be Observed
Of note and Of such standing that they must
be believed,
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-11-11

FIRST NATIONAL BANK Of M'6REG0R.
Successor to the
McGREGoR BRANCH OF the STATE BANK OF Iowa.
rh.Bank now open for tho transaction of general
lin business Drxftso Europe in sums to suit.
J.H. MERRILL President.
W.I.GILcHRIsr, VicePresident.
O. HULvERsoN, Cashier.
wR KISSAInp Assistant Cashier. 392
North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1868-11-11
PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE.

Voyager upon life's sea,
10 yourself be true,
And whater your lot may be,
Paddle your own canoe.
Never, though the winds may rave,
Falter nor look back;
But. upon the darkest wave,
Leave shining track.
Nobly dare the widest storm,
Stem the hardest gale;
Brave the heart and strong tho arm,
You will never fail.
When the world Is cold and dark,
Keep an aim in view,
And toward the beacon mark,
Paddle your own canoe.
Every wave that bears you on
TO the 81 leht shore,
From its sunny scourcs has gone,
To return no more.
Then let not an hours delay
Cheat you Of your due,
But, while 1t is called to-day,
Paddle your own canoe.
II your birth denied you wealth,
Lofty state and power.
Honest fame and hardy health
Are better dover.
But IL these will not suffice,
Golden gain pursue;
And to reach the glittering prize,
Paddle your own canoe.
WoNld you wrest tho wreath of fame
From the hand of fatei
Would you write deathlcss namo
With the good and the great!
Would you bless your fellow-men'
Heart and soul Undue
With the holy taste, and then
Paddle your own canoe.
Would you crush the tyrant wrong,
In the worlds free fghti
With spirit brave and strong,
Battle for the right.
And to break the chains that bind
The many to the few;
To enfranchise slavish mind,
Paddle your own canoe.
Nothing great is lightly won:
Nothing won Is lost;
Every good deed, nobly done,
Will repay tho cost.
Leave to heaven, in humble trust,
All you will to do:
But IL you succeed, yoH must
Paddle yOur own canoe,
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

In certain family, not long since, a
pair of twins made their.appcarancc, and
as matter of course, were shown to their
little sister of four years. Now it so hap
pened that whenever rather prolific cat
of the household had kittens, one of them,
of course the prettiest, was saved and the
rest drowned When the twins were
shown the child by their happy father.
little Mary looked at them long and ear
nestly, and at length putting her little
finger tip on the cheek of one of them,
looked up, and said with all the serious
ness possible, Papa, Think ue'U sare
this one!
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25
Erect OF Bright RED ON Animals.

We have never yet been able to arrive
at a solution of the curious effects of the
sight of scarlet, or brilliant orange or
crimson on animals No treatise on natu-
raj history we ever have seen has given q
satisfactory explanation of facts which
must often have been noticed by the most
unobscrvant Many persons have un- Z
questionably lost their lives in consequence
of wearing articles of dress which provoked
domesticated animals to such pitch of fu-
t5 as te lead to melancholy results. Fe-
males, for example, in attempting to cross
a pasture, wearing red shawl, red COW
ering for the head, a scarlet dress, or 9
flowing scarlet ribbons, where bulls are
grazing hazard their lives. Oxen, other
wise peaceably disposed, become intensely
infuriated at some seasons by the sight Of
bright red handkerchiefs, or almost any
article of female dress Of that particular
hue. 1t is equally curious that turkeys
manifest the same restlesness and ultinatesA
excitement at red flags or red dresses.
The turkey-cock on such occasions as
sumes extraordinary dignity, gobbling
most uproariously, and creating immense
excitement in his family, not accustomed =
to the sight, Nearly all the wild grazing
animals exhibit extreme surprise, if not
positive fright. when red cloth floats be-
fore them.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

was the only marble building on that mag
fixed the character of the street, for now
scarcely any other material is used for the
business houses of Broadway. In 1860
the splendid retail store on the corner of
Tenth Street was built which, with the
addition now being made, will occupy
nearly the entire block, bounded by Broad
way, Tenth Street, Fourth Avenue and
Ninth Street. This is, undoubtedly, the
largest retail dry goods store in the world
and, without question, the most perfect
and systematic in its arrangements. In
fact, the one word, system, may be re-
garded as the key to this wonderful sue
cess. Everything connected with the bus
mess is subjected to the most exact system.
The business itself may be likened to a
huge machine with every cog, wheel, belt
and pulley in its place. There is little or
no freedom of action among the numerous
employees of the establishment. Every
movement is regulated as if by clock work
and whoever cannot conform at once to the
arrangement, is permitted, without any
circumlocution, to form part of some
other machine
Mr.. Stewart has nearly completed the
most costly and elegant private residence
in this country, on the corner ofFfth Av-
enue and Thirty fourth Street.-The exte-
rior being of his favorite material, white
marble, elaborately wrought. The cost of
this palace is variously estimated at from
one to two millions of dollars. 1t GER
tainly should not be considered extravagant
for man to invest the third of one years
earnings in private residence.
Mr. Stewart is public minded citizen,
and contributes literally of his immense
wealth to charitable purposes. There
have been various reports as to his prac-
tical philanthropy, in erecting cheap dwell
lings for the poor, after the manner of Mr..
Peabody's London plan.
In thus hastily reviewing the career Of
these eminent men, one point will be OBJ
servable. Their success has been the re-
suit of unremitting labor in the special di-
rections chosen, and of unbending integ-
rity and promptness in all matters of bust
ness. The leading idea upon which Mr..
Stewards fortune was founded was the
steady persistence in the zone price"
system. Whoever purchases an article at
his counter can be sure that he pays nei-
ther more nor less than does everybody
else. And, more than this, every article
sold is just what it is represented to be.
A clerk cannot commit more positive
offence than to claim for an article quail
tiles which it does not possess. He would
be as soon discharged for such an act, as
for dishonesty towards his employer.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

A young man who carried collecting
plate after the service in church, before
starting put his hand in his pocket, and
put as he supposed, a shilling on the
plate, and then passed it around among
the congregation, which included many
young and pretty girls. The girls, as they
looked at the plate, all seemed astonished
and amused; and the man, taking glance
at the plate found that instead of a shil-
ling, he had put conversation lozenger
ON the plate with the words, "Will you
marry me ?" in red letters, staring every
body in the face.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25
The Press Festival to MIR. Dickens.

The press festival in honor of Mr.. Dick
ems took place in New York Saturday
evening at Delmonico's. Among the two
hundred present were Messrs. Greeley,
Raymond, Halsteal of Cincinnati, ex-Gov.
ernor Hawley of Connecticut, Richard
Hoe, Samuel Bowers and Manton Marble
Afterth guests had taken their places,
Mr.. Dickens entered under the escort ol
Mr.. Greedy, and was cordially received.
Mr.. Greedy, who presided, introduced Mr.
Dickens by referring to his introduction tc
Americans twenty -four years ago ofa young
English writer, then known as BOZ. .
After some complimentary illusions to the
guests, Mr.. Greedy said the American
press honored itself in honoring the man
who had climed from the lowest round Of
the ladder of the press, and his triumph
in attaining his present eminence was shar-
ed alike by every honest member of the
fraternity. ..-
He concluded by offering as toast,
Health, Happiness, Honor and Gener-
Gus Recompense to our friend and guest,
Charles Dickens"
When the applause had subsidized Mr..
Dickens responded in an extended address,
in which he alluded to the feelings excited
among Americans by unfavorable opinions
expressed in his American Notes" and
Chuzzlewit. He was delighted to wit
ness an improvement in the social, moral
and material condition of the country as
seen during this, his last visit.
In the works referred to he had given
his honest impressions at the time. Though
a report prevailed that it was his intention
to write another book on America, it was
false, as it was his firm determination not
to write another work on that subject.
On his return to England he should
publish in his own journal his present
impressions of America, and do justice to
the people of the country. He pledged
himself that so long as he or his heirs, had
any interest in the editions of "Chuzzle-
witt or the American Notes" those books
should contain an appendix refuting any
assertions therein contained.
Speeches were made by Mr.. Raymond
of the Times Ex-Governor Hawley, George
w. Curtis, Esq. Mr.. Young, of the Tri-
bune, and many others.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25
VOL. I.
Selett poetru.
DON'T LEAVE THE FARM.

Come boys, have something TO tell you,
Come near, Iwould whisper it low
You are thinking of leaving the homestead,
Don't be in hurry to go,
The city has many attractions,
But think of the vices and sins,
When once in the vortex of fashion.
How soon the course downward begins.
You talk of the mines of Australia,
They're wealthy in gold, without doubt,
But ah there is gold on the farm, boys,
If only you'll shovel it out.
The mercantile life is hazard,
The goods are first high and then low,
Better risk the old farm while longer,
Don't be in hurry 10 go.
The great busy West has inducements,
And so has the busiest mart,
But wealth is not made in day, boys,
Don't be in hurry to start
The bankers and brokers are wealthy,
They take in their thousands or so,
All think of the frauds and deceptions,
Don't be in hurry to gol
The farm is the safest and surcst
The orchards are loaded to-day,
You're free as the air of the mountains,
And monarch of all you survey.
Better stay on the farm while longer,
Though profits should come rather slow,
Remember you've nothing to risk, Logs,
Don't be in hurry to gol
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25
Official Agricultural Report for March.

The March report of the statistician of
the Department of Agriculture includes
several tables relative to farm animals
The returns of the numbers and prices of
livestock show slight increase during
the year in horses, mules, cattle, and milch
cows, and decrease in sheep. The New
England States exhibit decrease of from
six to thirteen per cent. in swine the
Southern States from five to twenty five
per cent, except Arkansas and Tennessee,
which gave an increase of twenty-three
and twelve per cent, respectively Ohio,
Illinois, and Wisconsin, show slight
decrease; Indiana and Michigan no matte
rial change, and Iowa, Missouri, Kansas,
and Nebraska an increase. A diminution
in numbers of sheep is noticed in every
State except New Jersey, Arkansas, Ten
nessee, West Virginia, Missouri, Wiscon-
sin, Iowa, and Nebraska.
The decrease in prices is more marked
than in numbers, amounting in many
States to reduction of thirty or forty per
cent. The aggregate is not less than thr-
ty-five millions of dollars, averaging nearly
dollar head.
reduction IS noticed in prices of horses
and mules in every section of the country,
in comparison with those of last year.
The decline is more apparent in the South
ern States than elsewhere, owing to the
gloomy state of feeling in the cotton sec
ton, where the returns were made. r
The price of cattle is reported higher
than last year in many of the States, with
the exception of milch COWS, which have
very generally decreased in value,
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25
A learned professor in college was a.

A learned professor in college was ac-
customed to demand of students an excuse
whenever they were dilatory at recitation.
The excuse given, he invariably added (:
Very well; but don't let it happen a.
gain" One morning married student
happening to be behind time, was prompt
ly interrogated as to the cause. Slightly
embarrassed, he replied:
The truth is sir, l had an addition to
my family this morning, and it was not
convenient to be here sooner"
=" Very well" replied the professor, in
his quick, nervous manner, very we'll !;
but don't let 1t happen again"
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

A livery stable keeper, named Spur,
would never let horse go out without
requesting the hirer not to drive fast
One day young man called to get a turn
out to attend funeral. "Certainly said
Spur, "but," he added, forgetting the
solemn purpose for which the young man
required the horse, "dont drive fast. :"
Why, look here, old feller," said the
somewhat excited young man. II want
you to understand that l shall keep up
with the procession if it kills the horse. !"
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

Posthumous fame is a plant of tardy
growth, for our body must be the seed Of
it; or we may liken it to torch, which
nothing but the last spark of life can light
up; or we may compare it to the trumpet
of the archangel, for it is blown over the
dead; but unlike that awful blast, it is of
earth not of heaven, and can neither rouse
nor raise US.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

When DIR. johnson had completed his
Dictionary, which had quite exhausted the
patience of Mr.. A. Miller, his bookseller,
the latter acknowledged the receipt of the
last sheet, in the following note-"And'w W.
Miller sends his compliments toDr. Saml
johnson, with the money for the last sheet
of the Dictionary, and thanks God he has
done with him." johnson replied he was
happy to find that A. Miller thanked God
for anything. Miller was a freethinker.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

A story is told of French lady who
exclaimed, as she took glass of water
in her hand, "Oh, if it were only wicked
to drink this, how nice it would ber
That is just human nature. If children
are gratuitously told not to do thing they
are pretty likely to experience an intense
desire to do it which was unfelt before /;
and somehow we never wholly outgrow
this curious inclination.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

Iwud Knott Dye In wintur.
" THE oRrHoR OF THoRrs ON FADED BoKA
l wud not dye in wintur,
When whiskie punchiz flo
When pooty gals air skating
Oar feadls of ice & sno-
When sassidge meet is phrying
& Hickeri knutts is thick;
Owel who would think of dying,
Or even getting sick.
I.wud knot dye in spring time
& miss the turn up greens,
& the pooty song of leetle frawgs,
& the ski larks arly screen;
When birds begin their wobbling
& taters gin to sprout-
When tu .kies go a gobblering,
wud knott then peg out.
wud knott dye in summer,
& leeve the garden sass
The rosted lam & buttermilk-
The kool place in the grass;
l wud not dye in summer
When evry things so hot;
& leeve the whiskie jew lips
Owe know ide ruther knot.
! wud not dye in ortum,
With peaches fit for eeting;
Wen the wavy korn is getting wripe
& candidates are treeting,
Phor these and other wreasons,
Ide knott dye in the phall;
x sense I've thort it over,
l wud not dye tall.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

There is man in Boston SO absent
minded that, meeting his son on the street
day or two since, he extended his hand
to him and enquired, /" How do you do
when is your father coming home?'
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

The praise of the envious is far less Gre
ditable than their censure; they praise
only that which they can surpass, but that
which surpasses them, they censure. See
to it that we discard envy.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

If we would talk less about other people
other people would talk less about US.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25
0ait and 4untor.
For he Mddletorn Transcript.

Mr.. EDIroR.--If your ever-laughable
humorous column is not full, for this week,
please insert the following. 1t has been
published before, but will bear republish-
ing. Yours, &c. Broom.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25
A teacher asked bright-eyed little girl.
What country is opposite us on the

globe p y !
Don't know, SIR" was the answer.
"Well now," pursued the teacher, " II
| were to bore hole through the earth,
and you were to go in at this end where
would you come out!"
"Out of the hole, sir" replied the pu-
pill with an air of triumph. ....
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

If everybody would mind his own bus
iness, more business would be done. aT
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

What do the ladies look at most in
church At the hin,s.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

I wud Knott Dye in wintur.
Middletown transcript., 1868-04-25

to him that, "with start of a million
dollars, it requires but little to get rich" 7"
The history of rich man shows that the
earning of the first thousand dollars is
the most difficult step on the road to
wealth.
Mr.. Astor died in March, 184S, be-
queathing four hundred thousand dollars
to found a free public library, which is
known as the Astor Library, and compri-
ses the most extensive and best classified
assortment of books in the country. The
bulk of his property descended to his son,
William B. Astor, who has frequently
been estimated the richest man in the
world.
The Carson daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1865-1870, 1868-08-30

THE CHINESE EMBASSY, On the 9th in
slant visited Niagara Falls. The Tajens
and indeed the entire party having long
studied in silence, Chih spoke out to one of
the interpreters. ITO beh9 i'd this great scene
is worth more than all the journey We have
taken. 1t is worth coming from China to
see this alone. How wonderful! how grand"
AS he spoke he shook his head as if deep
inward communication was going on between
the soul and the outward man. Here the
party remained for some time looking and
ia king in the great lesson of nature before
them. and finally left with the universal re-
mark, &" We must see this again"