Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1868-05-22
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Wise and Otherwise.

out, IN an EEFsA
An EIn,ira base ball ciab, having
been caught out ION the fly, off their
base, have aalen advantage eof the
bankrupt act.
A journeyman carpenters wife I'm
Cincihnau got divorce because her
husband wouldn't buy her brown
stone front rv~S 10
<An EASTERN newspapefssaid eHail,
gentle Spring." and sure enough II
did hail, breaking all the windows
in the vicinity. n
Prentice says that Queen Victoria
and the King of Ahyssinia didn't
nfany, but they fight just a. much
ms ii they had done so,
An exchange says the great de,
mand for microscopes Is occasioneu
blythe ladies desiring to use hem In
fnding tije latest style Of bonnets.
An editor out West, who had served
four days as a juryman, says: ~
am SO full Of law, that it is with
great difficult that IL refrain from
cheating somebody"
Mirabeau, when asked by friend
which was the better,s the single or
the mat Red state, REPLIED: Which
ever resolution you Come to, rcpen-
lance win fbllow.n
The Louisville Courier says of the
editor Of the La Crosse EDen1pcrdt:
"Hc4s 4 sert Of an editorial Horned
frog-a political Snowman and a
formal naonstrecity."
Papa-"Well Sissy, how do you
Hike yo<r school l''--Sissy--"Oh, SO
nuts" "That's right. Now, tell
me all you have learned to-day. II
have learned the names of all the
boys.p .T i,tuAf
Anna Dickinson has succeeded SO
well with her lecture on Breakers
ahead" that she is engaged upon
another entitled ''Crushers Astern."
Anna has engagements to scoid
until June.
Mamma said little one, one
day, 'have angels wings 2, "O'
eertamIyi,r says mamma, fuflQf ideas
derived from pictures, 'angrfs have
wings" "Then what did they
want ladder for to get down to ia
) Cob '"'1ssl.fa 80 rri-l yrHat,a4.,4 bre9
A man in Connecticut having adj
yertised his wife for leaving his
bed and board" the fugacious spouse
retorted as follows: ~ went away
!. from the lazy loat to qeaEp my .60ard,
and the bed belongs TO my own
MOTHER
A LIQUOR seller at Albany, had, for
his virtues, obtained the name OF
Little Rascal" A stranger asked
him why this appelatien was given
him. ITO distinguish me from the
rest of my trade" replied he, who
are all great rascals."
! sP + ss Wooden wedding comes or five
years after iniarrage "a tin one ten
years after; crystal fifteen years |;
) pewter. twenty years after; y silver
aftery golden nifty
wears after. and d diamond wedding
seventy-fSe years nfter mafriage.
A lady wrote her lover begging
him to send her some money; she
addea fByA way FdG pos6criRt Il
am so ashamed at the request 1 have
made i'm this letter, that / sent after
the postman to get IL back, but the
'seyant could not overtake him..
"wffe, if.you are going out, pray,
why don't you put on your bonnetY'
said Spriggings to his better half
lsWhy, I've had it, on-this half hour,
waiting cor You. Spriggins hadn't
especially inspected square inch or
two on the top of his wife's head.
s ss,s q Any knives or scissors to grind"
asked a poor boy 11of the clerks I'm
broadway store. Don't think we
haye,p answered. as~spruce young
man facetiously, but can't you sharp.
en- wits 2" "Icould Jyou had any q
wa4tlse sharp reply, and the CLERK
had to4tand he'laugh
2 Nj Digby 4 oiadest boy'wastol d th at
ne must 70 out IN the world, stir
about, make noise and all that, for
unless he did he would get nothing.
He followed the advice, made good
deal OF SER and very much noise, and
: got .inothing" in the. form Of a COM
Z bnlsory in yitation tokpead Tie night
m 4 sfsaoh honse. IFg3 IT g.
AGE.-A dandy of twenty-six hav-
ing been termed an old bachelor, apz
peaied to an elderly gentleman
whether he should be called sold, !"
or not giving, his age. n Twenty
Six" said the elderly gentleman sit
is owing to how you take it. Now,
for o. man, it ia sypnng enough, but
for puppy 1t is rather-oid. "
a YANKEE INvENTIoN.--Who but
a Yankee would have thought of the
following?
=, 20 quiet a crying baby, prop itup
with pillows If 1t cannot sit alone,
and smear its fingers with thick mo-
lasses then put half dozen feath-
ers into its hands, and it will sit and
pick tha feathers, from one hand to
the other until IL falls asleep. AS
SOON as 10 wakes again--more mo-
lasses and feathers.iacaa rrref
:. Boys first compositions are gem
orally genuine specimens of wit.
The one that went the rounds of the
papers o year ago on 'ithe OK" out
shines Nasby's or Wards brandiest
efforts The following n.girls iseal-
So good "Good girls get married
sometimes but not always. Those
that don't get married don't want to.
When they get married they have
wedding cake Hike Wedding cake !;
but / don't see anyi fun in getting
married1especially to q girlH'
Nothing is more delusive than
what is called success. Its only GER
tainty may be said to de its uncer
tainty. You have it and then you
don't, There is not much difference
as to where or on what it is exer-
eised, whether in politics. love,
tfriendship,a art, literature, almost re-
lIglona Men think they succeed in
love. They wake up and find it n
mistake Eithsf the bbject of their
election Is cypher or they have
themselves mistaken a mere whinl-
sieal jmpulser forgaffaction.s Never
sthelese thefo 10 ZEAL success : but
most people who pass as.succcsses
are nothing of the sort.
HIGHLY CoLoRED.-The Ameri-
cans .favorite letter is said to be an X
(annexf, but the following illustra-
ton of our national idea is more
forcible than any play upon words.
An American who, while, abroad,
was told by an Englishman at pri-I
,yate party that America was well
enough. but you people, said he,
are not satisfied without constantly
expanding their territory. NJ afNt
!, Oh, for that matter,o was the re-
ply, Tour people have got their linn
Its fixed already, and when the