The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1868-12-02
WEDNESDAY MORNING, DECEMBER 2, 1868.
80 = IS Z = - = -
And Just as-she made the disco

"Creationl there's that. abomina
bic beH again. 7 wish folks would
stayIat homet Pll. lock all the
doors, and cut all the bell-wires
after to-day" -:
At the door he found Mr.: and
Mrs. Fidget and their children. -
Ny. dear Mr.. Keith how do you
do? cried Mrs. Fidget. owe were
in town, and thought we'd just
step into dinner. Where is Mrs.
Keith ?? -,
"she's gone away" said Keith,
ruefully, wondering what be should
feed on "walk in do. I am the
heusekeeper today"
eyes, so I should judge. But of
course you make a splendid one.
I remember you used to be fre-
quently: telling Mrs. Keith and
myself how very easy housekeep-
ing must be. 1t must be mere
play to you. Don't put yourself
out, I beg"
{. aPut myself out, indeed,'' cried
Keith, retreating to the. kitchen.
"Good gracious! what shall 1 do?
I'd give hundred dollars if Mary
was only here! Where shall I be-
gin ?' ,.-e.-.:.esz<..A -:
He drew out the table and set
it without any cloth; then took off
the plates and put on a cloth, the
very one he had wiped the dishes
on. The task completed, he put
on some more potatoes and some
steak; burned the steak to Gin
der; took off his potatoes when
he did his meat, and put all upon
the table. There was loaf of
bakers bread; he paraded that, and
called his guests to dinner.
A quizzical smile spread over
Mrs: Fidget's face at the sight of
the repast. Keith was in a cold
perspiration.
"Ma, my plates all greasy, and,
SOS my knife. I can't eat on dirty
dishes," cried little Johnny Fidget.
"And my forks wet all over
with water that's dropping off the
table cloth; and my tater amt
half biled," cried little Jane Fidget.
A slight noise in the kite hen,
drew the attention Of Mr.. Keitba
gJnpiters'" feried e,he, tsif' Mrs:
O'Ffaherty's dog amt making off
with my steakr'
He jumped from the; table and.
started in hot pursuit. The dog
made the best of it ), Mr., Keith's
unaccustomed attire, SWassa sad
drawback, and&he made but little
Roadway. .. q ='.,.... - :
"Kill him." he yelled to the,
crowd that joined in the pursuit. :
"I'll give fifteen dollars for his
hide.
Mrs. O'Flaherty herself ap-
peared on the scene with q skillet
of hot water. 80 =, IL
"Tech if yer dareF', she cried
''I1l break the, bones of every mo-
ther'ss son of yees. Stand from
feminist, orye'lfrue the day"
Keith took a step forward,
stepped on his skirt, and pitched
head first into a wine cellar, where
half a dozen men were playing
cards. !"
E"The devil in petticoatsr' ex-
claimed one gamester, and the
place emptied quicker than wink.
The police picked up Mr.. Keith,
considerably bruised, and carried
him home. His company had
taken their departure;' and some
body, not having the fear of the
law upon them, had entered and
stolen hundred dollars worth Of
property. III
Mr.. Keith sent the following
note to his wife by evening mail:
DEAR MARY: Come home; I
give up beat. A woman has a
great deal to do. I confess my
selfincompetent to manage. Come
home, and you shall: have new
silk dress, and a daughter of Erin
to divide your labors. Yours, dis
eonsolately, Fl. KEITH.
There is a volunteer company in
New York, numbering seventy
men, none of whom have boards