Middletown transcript., 1868-03-14
Our Oliu.
The Fidgets.

There arc people whom one occasionally
meets with in the world, who are in state
of perpetual tidget and pucker. Every
thing goes wrong with them. They are
always in trouble. Now, it is the weather,
which is too hot; or at another time, too
cold The dust blows into their eyes, or
there is g that horrid rain," or !" that
broiling sun, or that Scotch mist" They
are as i'll to please about the weather as a
farmer; it is never to their liking, and
never will be. They g never saw such
summer, " not days fine weather." and
they go back to antiquity for comfort
+" it was not so in our younger days"
Fidgety people are rarely well. They
have generally "a headache, p" or 'spasms," I"
Or +" nerves." or something of that sort
they cannot be comfortably in their way
without trouble. Most Of their friends
are ill this one has the gout '' SO bad;"
another has the rhcumatics; a third is
threatened with consumption; and there
is scarcely family of their acquaintance
whose children have not got measles, hoop
ing-cough, scarlet fever, or some other of
the thousand ills which infantine flesh is
heir to. They are curiously solicitous
about the health of everybody; this one
is exhorted 81 not to drink too much cold
water; another " not to sit in the draught !"
u third is advised to g wear Aanncls; aud
they have great doctors at their fingers
ends, whom they can quote in their sup
port They have read Buchan and Gull
pepper, and fed their fdgets upon their
descriptions of diseases of all sorts
They offer to furnish receipts for pills,
draughts, and liniments; and if you would
believe them, your life depends on taking
their advice gratis forthwith. =.
To sit at meals with such people is
enough to give one the dyspepsy. The
chimney has been smoking, and the SCOT
has got into the soup; the fish is over
done, and the mutton is underdonc ; the
potatoes have had the disease, the sauce is
not of the right sort, the jelly is candied,
the pastry is musty, the grapes arc sour.
Everything is wrong The cook must be
disposed of; Betty stands talking too long
at the back gate. The poultry woman
must be changed, the potato-man discarded.
There will be clean sweep. But things
are never otherwise. The fdgcty person
remains unchanged, and goes iidgeting
along to the end of the chapter; changing
servants, and spelling them by unneces-
sary complainings and contradictions, till
they become quite reckless Of ever giving
satisfaction.
The fdgety person has been reading the
newspaper, and is in fcrmcnt about :. that
murder!' Everybody is treated to its de-
tails. Or somebody's house has been bro
ken into, and constant tidget is kept up
for time about " "thievcsp If u cats
whisper is heard in the night, +" there is
a thief in the house )" if an umbrella is
missing, "a thief has been in the lobby;"
if towel cannot be found, ga thief must
have stolen it off the hedge" You are
eounseled to be careful of your pockets
when you stir abroad. The outer doors
are furnished with latchcs, new bolts and
bars are provided for out-houses, bells are
hung behind the shutters, and all other
possible expedients are devised to keep out
the imaginary thief" 3f
90, there is smell of FIRE p Forth
with the house is travcrsed, down stairs
and up stairs, and voice at length comes
iFuH INC klIcneu, IL only DODDy Decn
burning a stick" You are told forth
with of thousand accidents, deaths, and
buruings, that have come from burning
sticks! Bobby is petri6od and horror
stricken, and is haunted by the terror of
confagrations. If Bobby gets a penny
from visitor, he is consulted :" not to buy
gunpowder" with it, though he has a se-
cret longing for crackers. Maids are eau
toned to g be careful about the clothes
horse," and their ears are often startled
with a cry from above stairs of " Betty,
there is surely something singeingp'
The fdgety person cannot bear" the
wind whistling through the key-hole, nor
the smell of washing, nor the sweeps cry
of " svee-eep, svee-eep," nor the beating
of carpets, nor thick ink, nor a mewing
cat, nor new boots. nor cold in the head,
nor callers for rates and subscriptions.
All these little things are magnifed into
miseries, and, if you like to listen, may
sit for hours and hear the fdgety person
wax eloquent about them. drawing mel
ancholy pleasure from the recital.
The fidoety person alta urop fhorpa and