The Sweetwater forerunner. [volume] (Sweetwater, Tenn.) 1867-1869, 1868-08-20
Short Paragraphs.

81 say, Bill, Jim's got took up for steal
ing horse" "Sarved him right, why |
didn't he buy one, and not pay for it, like |
any other gentleman 2"
An exchange says "thcre is something
sweet about little girls" The Louisville
Journal adds: Sand it grows on 'em as
they grow bigger"
A man went into the timber the other
day, to get slippery elm. He ripped up
the bark from certain tree that he
thought was slippery elm; but he made a
mistake. On eating it he became quite
sick. He "barked up the wrong tree"
A negro returning from church was in
ecstacies over the sermon, declaring it was
the best he had ever heard. Some one
asked him to repeat part of it, when nc
scratched his woolly head and replied,
''neber mocks de preacher"
A good story is told of a bootblack
whose energies were taxed by the huge
shoes of private just rtumed from the
war. The little fellow, kneeling down
looked over his shoulder to a comrade and
exclaimed. 'Lend me a spit Jim, I've an
army contract"
Schoolmaster-"Bill Smith, what is Il
widow :"
"a widow is married woman that
hant got no husband cause he's dead"
Master-"Very well, what is a widow
er 2"
Bill-"A widower is man that runs
after widders.'
A conductor on Connecticut railroad
passed free poor penniless chap recently.
An officer of the road in the same car
called him to account. 81 pass him."
said the man of tickets, "becauSe he's q
conductor on the---railroad." ale a
conductor Why, what makes him dress
so shabbilyp "Oh, he's trying to live on
his salary" was the quick reply.
The first thing a hen says to her brood,
and not the last thing child says to his
fathcr-"Shell out !'
"Oh, for thousand tongues" as an ur-
chin remarked when inside molasses
hogshead.
A maiden lady has sailed from New
York to Paris with lapdog, in order to
consult physician there touching her
pets health. The dog is sixteen years old.
The lady desires that he may live until he
is twenty y-fve. He has bronchitis and a
cough.
A modest young lady, living in the
West recently nurtured repugnance 70,
the word limbs; said it was vulgar, and
fearing that she might some day have tc
use it, wrote to an editorial friend, re.
questing him to mention more delicate
synonym. Imagine her CONSERVATION upOr
receiving the laconic reply-legs.
A lawyer in this city, who is noted fol
his profanity, and, of course, for an ire
ligious life, being deeply engaged in al
argument, declared that rather than yielC
to his opponent he would carry his suit tt
the court of Heaven. 81 guess" said on'
who stood near, ''you will have to &c
somebody else to tend to it, for Pll b'
darned if they'll let you into that arr
court"
A lady down East gives her views o
woman's rights to the world. She j
against the interference of women wit
politics. She asks, pointedly: eff mel
can't do the voting and take care of tn
country, what is the use of them?" That
a poser.
Printers errors are sometimes laugha
BILE, A young clergyman printed a sermon
the subject of which was the necessity 0
moderate and rational recreation, in whicl
occurred the passage. "Men should worl
and play too" The want of strok
ruined it, and the religious world wa
scandalized by reading, "Nlen should worl
and play loo."
A witness, on entering the box, had
Testament presented to him, but he de
clined to be sworn. Being asked his rea
sons for refusing, he naively replied, "l'l
tell lie VII ony mon i England, but II
not swear TO it,"
Some years since a letter directed t
ssZrumfridavi' was received at the Londo
Post-ofice. Unable to find such person
it was referred to the savans, who foun
out at last that it was intended for 81
Humphry Davy, the great chemist.
A provincial mayor in one of the dc
partments of France, has come out wit
an epigram in the shape of a notification
'All beggars found in the district wi
be fined fifteen frances for the use Of th
poor" uabed 'l Sae