The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1868-07-15
The Josh Billings Papers.
CHIPS.

Don't mistake dounkast eyefo modesty !;
dounkast eyes are often on the look out side
ways.
1t il one thing tew take the chances, and
quite another thing to find them.
1t IL not the whole ov our duty tew foller
the example Of good men, but tew leave
behind US sum decent tracks for others tew
foller.
Rumor IL spark at fust, then fire, then
confagrashun, and then ashes.
The wust enemy that man kan have is
fattery it is wuss than abuse. 1t IL bet
ter to be knocked endways by foe than
tew be bowed sideways with the quill or q
windy friend.
Death il cessation of hostilitys; Gag
ov truce to the righteous gain, and tew
the wicked no loss.
If you are looking after happiness, don't
take the turnpike, take one ov the byroads !;
you will avoid the toll-gates, and find it less
crowded and dusty.
Much buty.iz like the strawberry, soon
out ov season, but exquisit while it duz last,
and, like the strawberry, amt perfeckt
without good deal ov sugar.
Rules for long life are like guide boards
tew deserted city.
Hipokrasy is one of the vices that yu
kant konvert; yu might az we'll undertake
to git the wiggle out oy q snake or the
grease out of fat pork.
A witty writer il like porkupine his
quill makes no distinction between friend
and foe.
About one-half the discomfort ov this
life il the result ov Citing tired ov OUR
sells.
Solitude wud be an excellent place tew
60 if man could leave his baggage Tor SIM
behind him.
file that marrys Il Christian woman IL the
son-in-law of Divine Providence.
Menny . young person haz died old by
living long time after they waz dead: and
menny All old person haz died long before
their time cum by being dead while they
waz a living.
Precepts are poor stuff tew bring up
young ones on; it IL like sending them
down cellar without emmy kandlc tew
learn them tcw see in the dark.
There il no such thing az acksidents; if
one thing happens by acksident, awl things
may; Heaven has no bureau Of acksidents.
We should be kerful how we encourage
luxurys; it IL but a step forward from hoe
cake few plum-puddin, but It'll mile and n
half, by the nearest road, when we have tew
60 back agin.
Smiles and tears cum from the same
fountain, and as the showers Of Heaven are
folluwed by the sunshine, to gladden. the
earth, so duz joy follow sadness tew make
the soul cheerful.
Thare il jist az mulch jelousy lit il only
less dangerously among the lowly az among
the ritch the poor devil with q whole loaf
under hiz arm IL the lord oy hiz naborhood,
and the half-loaves look on with envious
wonder while he struts up and down the
alley.
We only love them that we fear. This
may be only one ov my lies, but it looks SO
tew me from where | stand now.
The best condishun in life il not to be so
ritch az tew be envyed, nor so poor az tew
be damned.
IL it charity tew Civ tew thankless cuss
in need Certainly jest az much az it
would be tew save drouning COW.
Just praiz IL the vernakular ov good
deeds.
WHARF thare il crate virtue thare must
hav been CRATE vices, or else very poor
sile that raiaes nothing but what haz bin
planted, and well tended and MANFRED al
that.
Revenge il jist az natral az milk; you
will see little bits ov boys club the post that
they bump their heads aginst.