The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1868-01-31
Mark Twain'siEulogy of Woman-A
Roaring Good Speech.


The Washington Correspondents
Club held its anniversary on Satur
day night. Mr.. Clemens, bette
known as Mark Twain, responded t,
the toast, "Woman, the pride of tn
professions, and the jewel of ours.
He said:
Mr.. President: l do not know why
| should have been singled out to re
ceive the greatest distinction Of the
evening-for so the Office of reply
ing to the toast to woman has been
regarded in every age. Applause
L do not know why 1 have received
this distinction unless it be that
am trifle less homely than the other
members of the Club. But, be this
as it may, Mr.. President, l am proud
of the position, and you could not
have chosen any one who would have
accepted it more gladly, or labored
with heartier good will to do the
subject justice, than /. Because, sir,
| Love the sex. Laughter. 1 love
all the women, sir, irrespective of
age or color. Laughter
Human intelligence cannot esti-
mate what we owe to woman, sir.
She sews on our buttons Laughter |,
she mends our clothes laughter |,
she ropes us in at the church fairs
she confides in us she tells us
whatever she can find out about the
little private affairs of the neighbors
she gives us good advice, and
plenty of it-she gives us a piece of
her mind sometimes,-and sometimes
all Of it-she sOothes our aching
brOws, she bears our children In
all relations of life, sir, it is but just
and graceful tribute to woman to
say of her that she is a brick. Great
laughter.
Wheresoever you place woman, sir
in whatsoever position or es-
tate, she is an ornament to that
place she occupies, and a treasure
to the world. Here Mr.. Twain
paused, looked inquiringly at his
hearers and remarked that the ap-
plause should come in at this point.
1t came in. Mr.. Twain resumed
his eulogy.l Look at the noble names
of history Look at Cleopatra I! look
at Desdemona look at Florence
Nightingale! look at Joan of Arc !
look at Lucretia Borgia! Disap-
probation expressed. "Well." said
Mr. Twain scratching his head doubt
fully, suppose We let Lncretia
slide" Look at Joice Heth look
at mother Eve! repeat sir, look at
the iilustrious names of history!
Look at Widow Machree! Look at
Lucy Stone. Look at Elizabeth
Cady Stanton . Look at George Fran
els Train Great Laughter And,
sir, say with bowed head and deep
est yeneration, look at the mother OF
" ashington She raised q boy that
could not lie--Could NOT lie. APP
piause. But he neUer had any chance.
1t might have been different with him
if he had belonged to a newspaper
correspondents club, Laughter,
groans, Kisses, cries of "put him ont" J"
Mark looked around placidly upon
his excited audience, and resumed.
I repeat, sir, that in whatsoever
position you place woman she is an
to society and treasure to
to the world. AS q sweetheart she
has few equals and no superiors--I
laughter, |, as a cousin she is con-
venient; as wealthy grandmother,
with an incurable distemper, she is
precious as wet nurse she has no
equal among men Laughter
What, sir, would the people of this
earth, be without women? They
would be scarce, sir. Then let us
cherish her--let US protect her,
let us give her our support, our en-
couragement, our sympathy, our
selves, if we get chance. Laugh
ter.
But, jesting aside, Mr.. President,
woman is lovable, gracious, kind of
Of heart, beautiful, worthy Of all re,
spect, ,of all esteem, of all Difference
Not any here will refuse to drink her
health right cordially, for each and
every one of us has personally known,
and loved, and honored, the very
lest one of them all-his own mother!
Applause.