Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1868-01-25
THOMAS BOYCE. is our only au-
horized Agent in San Francisco.

The volcanic fires which but short space
ago shot forth their angry tongues, casting a
lurid glare athwart the sky, threatening to
burst forth in vast eruption and rend old
Calayeras in twain like the curtains which
shielded the Ark of the Covenant in the
temple, slumber; the angry mutterings Of
the then rising storm are hushed the gaunt
spectre. "division,' which appeared to the
editor of the Register in vision, filling his
imaginative mind with the most dismal fore
bodings, "presaging wrath alike to San An
dreas and to man." has vanished like the
hopes of an expectant heir cut off without a
shilling. After thorough and persistent
"cupping," skillfully performed by "Dr."
James Harris. of San Andreas, we are ex-
tremely happy to be able to announce that
the editor is convalescent. Those terrible
fears of division which racked his soul with
terror, threatening his speedy dissolution.
have been quoted by the soothing balm,
which we administered to him couple of
weeks since, and he now pursues his usual
avocations without trepidation. In his issue
of last week, speaking of the effect of an ar
ticle in this paper, he says:
sit made our very hair stand on end like
quilts on frightened porcine."
That smile beats anything We ever heard
of! "Like the quilts ON frightened porcine."
We freely admit that we are not much of a
zoologist, and probably the existence of the
species of "porcine" which is furnished with
quilts instead of bristles, is only known by a
few distinguished saoans, including the editor
of the Register. 1t is possible that they
exist in the rural precincts of San Andreas !;
those feathery quadrupeds. SO that we can
see how his hair appeared on that momen-
tous occasion. If the editors capillaries
still maintain rigid perpendicularity. "like
the quilts on frightened porcine." we would
suggest the application of little lard. The
Register says that our article made "Bear
Mountain turn pale with fear" Surprising
it did } 1t only changed it from black to
white bear-a task not half so difficult as
that which the editor of the Register imposed
upon himself-the division of this county.
In his feverish imagination, one "leg' of the
''dividers" has already been set in Nickel
umne Hill, and the "malcontents" are pre-
pared to swing the other leg around and
draw the dividing line. This hallucination
is probably caused by eating late suppcrs,
his stomach being weakened by the severity
of the county seat fight. In conclusion the
Register says:
1t is our intention to exclude from these
columns, in the future, all articles of such
alarming. scathing, ightning-nitroglyce
persuasion; and, as this is probably the
grand finale of the whole matter, we drop
the subject. We again return our sincere
thinks to the editor of the CHRONICLE, and
promise to send him at our earliest conve-
nience. for the benefit of all the frightened
ones in his locality, few bottles of Mrs.
Winslow's Soothing Syrup.
We are fond of "syrup," but prefer Jimmy
Harris to Mrs. Winslow's. In aggravated
cases of ''teething," for instance when fell
low is just "cuttlng his eye teeth - like the
editor of the Register, little hard sense to
chew on facilitates the operation amazingly.
As this county can only be divided by Legis-
lative action, until a movement is made in
that direction by the assembled wisdom of
the State" we shall initiate the example of
the Register and "drop the subject"
MoUsING CRITIcIsM.-Our Calaveras
namesake declares that "the editor of the
Dramatic Chronicle has gone daft" In
proof of our insanity our Calaveras coutem-
porary adduces evidence as follows:
The editor of the Dramatic Chronicle has been en-
gagged in number of grammatical discussions lately.
In recent issue, speaking of Langley's Almanac,
he styles it the 'scompletest compilation he had
ever seen. sCompetest complationy'' What in
the world is a ''complation 20 And then ''com-
pletest =" Execrable, Bowman, execrable-CAL-
AvRRAs CHRONICLE.
1t was our modesty, and our shrinking
aversion to the ~ that made "compla-
ton" out of compilation" Our intelligent
and critical ccmpositor had nothing to do
with it. He never transformed our "apos-
ties" into "apostates,' not he. And it was
not that same professor and practitioner of
''the art preventative" who last week turned
why what evil hath he dones' into, And
Plate said, why what the devil has he
done -Dramatic Chronicle
That's right; shift it off onto the shoul-
ders of the poor compositor. How about
the ''completest -