Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1868-10-09
An Essa on Long Branch.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

LONG BRANCH is work of natur, and
il good job. ...s
1t IL a summer resort for men, wimmin
and children, especially the latter.
Children are az plenty here, and az
sweet as flowers in out door gardin.
They play in the sand for work, and git
their feet wet for fun.
Their il sum attempt at style here, but
the prevailing disease il good sense; you
can see this stick out in the way people
take it natural and eazy, and don't try to
outstrip each other in wearing clothes, and
them exquisite. ,. .
didn't see but one woman here who
was dressed too Economical, and her
dress was plenty long enough at the bot
tom, but the front side of her shoulders
seemed to lack sumthing.
I put up at the Continental Hotel, near
the roof of the building, from choice.
I kan say that this house is kept q
good deal, without neutralizing my dig
nifty, for paid the same price the rest of
the boarders did for my vittles.
shall put up here agin, when cum, if
have tew straddle the ridge pole.
| never leave good hotel for better
one; learnt this fishing for frogs. If am
where the frogs bite good, that's mi pud-
die. 1 have known folks tew swap a good
horse for poor one, jist for the sake oy
10 dollars tew boot
My wife puts up with me at the same
hotel; it liz an old-fashioned way we have
ov doing things
She always goes tew fashionable resorts,
where young widders are ennyways plen-
ty, to put EN- on my guard, for l am one
ov the eazyest critters on record teW be
imposed upon.
She has saved me (by the hare ov the
head) more than six times alreddy, from
being split by the widders.
She IL an ornament to. her secks-my
wife IT,
would like tew see young wilder, or
emmy other man git the start ov me when
mi wife liz around.
If jist step out sudden tew get soder
cocktail tew cool my aching brow, my wife
goes tew the end of the verandy with me,
and waits for me, and if i go down onto
the beech tew astronomiZe jist little, all
alone by moonlite, she stands on the bluff,
like beacon lite, tew warn me Nv the
breakers.
Norman whose feet are slippery, and who
hain't been accidentally insured against re-
cent widders, ought to be allowed on the
Branch without wife who understands
her bizz 81 f
The hotels now are plat with folks, awl
ov whom ackt fust rate, except the pesky
widders, and don't see ennything so very
awful about them, but my wife duz, and she
knows.
The biggest thing they have got here,
for the present, liz the pool ov water in
front ov the hotel This pool said bi good
judges few be 5000 miles long, and sum
places miles thick.
Into this pool, every day at 10 o'clock,
the folks all retire, males, females and wild
ders, promiskuss.
They dress in flannel attire, oy menny
colours, and look az near alike, when they
are in the pool, az flock ov ducks and
brakes.
The water in this pool haz stood so long
it haz got salty, and ought tew be changed,
and beleave they have got bill before
the NJ jersey legislator for that purpose,
but NJ jersey folks are shy about trieing
experiments They are willing tew invest
a little sumthing in ded sure thing, but
don't think they will ever undertake to
freshen the pool.
The Grecian Crook is prevailing here
just now amung the yung ladys.. a
The bend seems tew be sumwhare near
the SHld1 OV tuelr DICKS, anu gives eHou
very intelektual look, the same az the
anshunt greeks had, altho i think their
walk resembles tew much sore-footed
goose.
The turnouts are unkommen menny,
and silk, four in hand are frequent. l
had the espeshal1 honor oy being slung
around the butiful avenews and through
the queenly grounds ov Mrs. Huoy bi four
white-footed sorrelg dressed in rI1sset and
white harness, and driven tew an elegant