Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1868-09-30
The Kiekedest Bor.

AnN WlChCuCoN DNys
had not been at my bOarding-house
a fortnight before | found that there
was a conspiracy for mischief among
the children-One lady had bakers
dozen, who performed circus and ac-
rObatics daily in the passage-ways,
and one was constantly stumbling
over chairs and cross bars, or catching
his feet in hoops or ropes. The first
time L wore my white trousers / en-
tered the parlOr, which had been dar-
kened to keep out the flies, and sat
deliberately down in q plate of some
pungent liquid that had been used for
polishing the CRATE, left there by stu
pid servants, of course. Obliged to
ascend to my room in great hurry,
to the alarm of Miss Sholders, to
whom | had been doing the amiable.
One day d kitten was found in the
sOup-put there by the Wickedest Boy
in the house, as it layOn the sidebOard.
As for the hair in the hash, it came
there regular, except one morning,
when the cooks false teeth were found
in the mess. Finding crabs in ones
boots; or cats in the bedclothes, or
ripe tomatoes in your pockets, was
standing joke, but when Blatherspash
sat down on a couple of raw eggs, the
thing reached its climax, for he chas-
ed the Wiekedest Boy into a corner,
and rubbed his nose in 'em. A party
came off, to which we all contributed.
1t was stunning affair, and great
hilarity was raised by the circumvolu-
tiOns of little Pettipas, the dancing
master, whose cOat-tails had been sly-
ly cut off by this talented youth, with
his mothers shears, as they hung over
the chair-back. The "Sacres,n the
"Diables." and "Mille-tonneres. -
were frightful to listen to. The mas
ter-pieee of mischief was arrived at
when the Wiekedest Boy inculcated
the idea of a spiritual pOstOffice. The
blooming widow BuxOm had long
been tOrmented by the attentions OF
both Pettipas and the valiant Major
Gush, who were always on the point
of fighting for her, but always didn't.
The lady consulted her friends, and
the Wickedest Boy was pressed into
service as messenger. A note was
sent to each of the gentlemen, appoint
ing a personal interview in her sit
ting room, and requesting their COM
lllAAN III Il AAlAlt NEltuLtI. MllltD
they were to furnish. They were in
ecstacies, but were warned to keep q
sharp lookout for her husband, who
was of that jealous disposition that
once aroused, delights in scenes of car,
mage and bloOdshed, and whose arriv-
al was daily expected. The dancing
master came first; he was dressed to
death, and smelt like barber shop.
He pressed her gentle (but plump) Lit.
tie waist, he presented bOquet, he
kissed her small white hand, and he
sat down with her to dine. But hard
" had he eaten the first mOuthful
when a fOOtstep was heard on the
stairs, and a hearty voice exclaimed,
"My EdOsSa-wherc is she ~
"My husband ~ she cried, starting
up; "he will kill you if he sees you. "
And poor Pettipas, still choking
with food, was hurried into a chest
that served with its covering for a so
fa. The new conner was Major Gush,
who was similarly received and hur-
ried into the closet with great expedi-
tiOn on the first intimatiOn of the hus-
bands approach. This time the ac-
tual husband las previously arranged
AAtA AGstAAN tAAAANCf anu SIT lON II VIII
several friends and the traitress to as
neat repast as was ever cOncOcted at
DelmOnicO's, wine included. But in
the midst of the treat the Wickedest
Boy appeared at the door, ringing the
great dinner bell and shouting;
''Save yourselves the house is on
fire!'
y sudden confusion and upsetting of
furniture ensued, several feminine
screams were heard, and in the midst
of which there came a fierce rapping
from the closet and the chest.
'Open this internal door, or I'll
break it dOwnw yelled the Major.
Garry out re trO'nkI" bawled the
frightened Pettipas.
Just then the fastenings of the clos
ct and chest gave way, and both Pet
tipas and Major Gush sprang out just
in time to receive a stream of water
aimed at them by the Wickedest Boy,
from the spout of the garden hose.
They retired from the precincts of
PurgatoTy House, and l have never
heard of them since.