Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1868-06-18
MISCELLANY.
Some Account of Slight Mistake.
BY JOHN QUILL.

must look like great many different poo-
pie. At various times in my life have been
wept over as long lost brother: arrested as
a we'll known burglar; eXulted over as re-
turned prodigal son toadied to as popular
politician; shot at as a notorious border ruffian ;
mistaken and kissed by affectonate and good
looking daughters as heavenly father; thrash
ed as = false lover, and run away from my peo-
pie who regarded me as the ghost Of some
dead man or other.
And now here is a woman who swears | am
her truant husband, and who has proclaimed
the fact so loudly that there is fair prospect
of my serving out a sentence in Jail for the
crime of bigamy.
was sitting in the parlor Of the hotel at
Oldcastle, Delaware, the other day, talking
with some friends, and there was hatchet-
faced female, with two children, looking out of
the window at the other end of the room. Di-
rectly she turned around, looked at me for a
minute, and with a wild cry of delight sprang
forward flung her arms around my neck and
kissed me about sixty-four times. Drawing
back Indignantly, as soon as was able, | said
in my severest tones:
MADAM, what is the meaning of this out
rageous conduct /"
"Oh, my dear William, have found you
at last ? Oh, my dear, dear, William
ANA she UOrnra struggling aHu smoth-
erng me again.
Madam said I, sternly, "you may have
found me at last but want you to distinctly
understand that my name is not dear William
for was getting mad.
"Oh, William" says this scandalous female,
still hanging on my neck and mussing my shirt
collar, "Oh, William, do you not recognize
your own fond Maria? Do you not, dear VIII
liam 2"
"No, l do not recognize my own fond Maria,
dear William" was my reply. never had
a fond Maria of my own in all my born days,
and what's more, don't want one, either
You'd better go and lie down, you don't seem
very well"
"Our dear children know their father" said
this wretchcd woman. Come here, Mary
Jane and Matilda, and kiss your loving papa
Then both of her brats pranced up and
grabbed me by the trousers and wanted me 10
kiss them.
"Why. you two children don't pretend to
say I'm your father, do you?"
"Ob, yes you are our dear papa, said both
of the depraved young cubs.
"Why, you scandalous little story teIlcrs y
said |, ain't you ashamed to tell such an awful
fb? Don't you know where wicked story-tel-
lers of your age go? Let 60 Of me, or Ill lar
rup you till you you can't stand; will, upon
my sacred word and honor"
"Oh, William, dear, said their mother, " you
surely remember the happy, happy days of our
courtship, when beneath the soft moonlight
we walked together by the side of the mur-
muring stream, and whispered the soft accents
of affection ?"
"No, l don't remember any such thing, and
I never did it either. ! never walked out in
the moonlight; never heard stream muir
mur in the whole course of my life, and al
ways was down on the soft accents Of affection.
SO you see there's no use Of bothering me-
And do you not recollect the time you first
came to our home, and sat in the back parlor
with me, until father got mad and walked in
and kicked you down stairs p
"Of course I don't. I'd have smashed him
on the nose if he had kicked me you can bet
l wouldn't have stood any Of his nonsense.
tell you I'm not the man.
"And then next day my two brothers met
Won in the street. and because you bad won my
voune love. tackled you and thrashed you
nearly to death Do you remember this, dear
William 2"
al tell you my name amt William, and ]
don't know your relations or their heft, but
YOU never had brother or a cousin, or any
other relation, who was able TO thrash me. ]
don't want any Of your family fooling around me-
I'll fog a whole mass-meeting Of them. Now
90 away from me or I'll call the landlord
said I, for this woman begun 70 get aggraysting-
cob! William" says she, you have for
gotten all that happy past, am afraid. But
surely. dear, you can call to mind jim Sykes,
who was your rival for my hand, and who
used to come round Of evenings and try to SIT
YOU out and who made you so mad, by his
attentions to me? You remember him don't
you, my dear William ?"
MADAM, if you mean me by that phrase
don't. If had been cOurting yOu' and had
had rival. would have backed square out