The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1868-07-10
gnoersolr yntelligeneer,
!, From, the New York Sunday Mercury
Picked Biography.
EARLY LIFE OF GENERAL USELESS GRANT

into the world, he went into the waning
business; thus clearly showing that he
was created especially for fighting battles,
and wailine his enemies Becoming tired
of wailing. he took great fancy to the
milking business; but in the course OF time
he became wearied from this, and took to
grading for living. When he was first
born. he had no idea of ever running for
President; this remarkable fancy not
taking possession of him till quite late IN
life altogether too late, we fear, to 40
humans good. 1t is not positively known
whether he is the real original little boy
sWith cork-screw curls and strong Red Eye
Who never, never, told lle
or not but in the absence of any other
little boy claiming to be the original ia
cobs. we think we may safely say ne was.
It was sad piece Of neglect OF his stern
parent that he never planted cherry tree
and left Ratchet lying around promlscu-
ously. Ifhe had, how easy might ms son
have become the Father of his country. At
an early period of his life, he cut his teeth
on copy of the Constitution OF the United
States; and little later onstudied strate-
.gy:from cheap edition of the American
,NHoyle." From this latter book he learned
to cut and shuttle in remarkable manner,
and could make his partner believe he was
playing right into his hand when all the
while he was playing for himself 1t Is
remarkable fact that for the first two
wears of his life he never spoke word /;
and he hasn't spoken many since. The first
word he did say was "pap." Whether this
referred to his paternal guardian, or to the
pap known as official, cannot of course be
told.
There seems to be considerable doubt
existing as to what his initials (U. S. stand
for: some contending for United States,
and others for Unsophisticated Sardine.
Neither of these, however, are correct.
They simply stand for Useless Simpson.
Useless after celebrated Fenian Emper-
or, was given him by his grandfather, who
was learned historian; and Simpson is
-sfter an uncle, who still carries on busl-
ness in the Bowery.
Useless principal amusement in youth
was breaking horses and breaking wood j;
and when he was only ten years old he
could tell horse from mule in about
two minutes, and could break the smallest
quantity of wood of any boy of his age.
One day, when his father had gone away
from home, this obedient boy went out to
the barn, and putting the bride on fine
three-year old colt, took him out in field
for the purpose of breaking him. He broke
him in Just three minutes-he broke his
neck. For this little joke his father fanked
him severely.
Tie was always very fond of driving and
taking care of spirited oxen, and would do
any Kind Of work with them. He took a
team one day, unbeknownto any one, and,
going out into the forest, actually hauled
enough wood to make a respectable fire
with. With the aid of half dozen men,
he could easily load the biggest log in the
forest, and furthermore, he could stand by
all day and look at q man chopping it up.
Quite early in life he had his counterfeit
presentment taken and his head examined,
by celebrated artist and learned ,phrenol-
ogist, who told him he would undoubtedly
one day become President-of debating
society. From the fact of his telling so
long beforehand that Useless would be-
come distinguished, this learned phrenolo-
gist could not have possibly been pupil
of Fowler s. Wells. In the company Of
other boys, Useless was very quiet and
reserved, though on all desperate occasions
he was always selected as the leader. But,
to tell the truth, he cared very little for
the society of boys, preferring to associate
with horses and mules.
There is no truth in the report that he
was. ever tanbark student, though he al
ways had great taste for grand and lofty
tumbling IA taste, by the way, which he
shortly expects to indulge), and at one
time devoted all his spare moments to
learning to carry water on both shoulders
at once, without spilling drop. Perhaps
the report originated from the following
little incident: A circus coming to the
place where he lived, he borrowed quar-
ter from fellow horse-tamer and went
down to see the show. The ring-master,
sometime during the course of the intellec-
tual and moral exhibition, offered a coun-
terfeit five dollar bill to any boy who
could ride the mule around the ring cer-
tain number of times Young Useless i'm
mediately accepted the bill, and jumping
in the ring, said he would 'ride that mule
around if it took all summer" Springing'
on his back, he busted him over the ear,
and shouted to him to go on. The mule
Immediately bolted forward, then suddenly
stopped and kicked up behind and before,
and reared up and tumbled over But all
to no purpose. Like the celebrated Roman
warrior, Egregiously Mistaken Stanton,
Useless refused to be shook. The ring
master, seeing his bill s,as in a fair way
of changing owners, became considerably
riled, and at once let a living cynocepha-
lus loose in the ring. This strange creature
Immediately jumped up behind young Use
Tess, and got on his shoulders and on his
head. and in his Dockets. and in front of