The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-02-14
HOW TOM RoUsED HER.


The wife of Tom Gordon is a victim
to imaginary ailments, and is never so
content as when living according to her
directions of her medical advisor. DIR.
Valentine now understands her whims
and oddities SO we'll that he humors her
in every caprice /; ifshe imagincs rheum-
atism is her complaint, he agrees with
her, and prescribes some harmless po-
ton if she thinks her appetite de-
ereaseing some bread pills keep her in
good spirits until the fancied symp-
toms of some other disease induce her
again to send for him.
During the last four years Tom has
often wished his wife would fall down
stairs and brake her foolish head, for
ahe reason that the physicians and
| apotleeary's make a serious inroad up
on his fortune.
About three months ago she COM
planned of pain in her side, and as u
sual, the doctor was summoned: Af-
ter prescribing two or three bottles of
different compOunds--all harmless,
but rather expensive he said:
"All you want TO assist medicine in
affecting cure is little rousing. AL
though your ailment is serious it is
not dangerous. Assume little ener-
gy and you will recover. Remember
rouse your self. w. m u84a l
After the doctor retired the patient
fancied that at last some serious disease
was beginning to manifest itself, and,
like a fool she wentto bed ia dispair.
Tom understood the case thorough
ly, from long experience, and said men
tally Eersr.. tfs..4z-., ~. ISIS. .I...s6
''She wants rousing does she p
Well Ill give her surprise that Will
startlc herr .4.ls. .z.--
Mrs. Hake, an attractive widow, was
engaged to act in the capacity of nurse
to Mrs. G.. The widow is young, btixom
and amiable. and Tom thought her at
tractive qualities might be available in
giving the patient the necessary rous-
ing. .sr .v. rfs, II
A short consultation with Mrs. Hake
resulted in the arrangement of a plan,
the execution of which was to induce
Mrs. &c. ITO ever afterwards throw
physic to the dogs. es sTa i .oQ
Late the next evening while the pa
tient lay fretting and groaning and
announcing her intention of giving up
the ghost, Tom called MrslHake aside
and said to her in whisper, but loud
enough to be heard by the invalid /:
Poor Fanny she is about to die at
last, and SO you and may as well ar
range for our marriage"
Tom threw a glance over his shoulder
as he spoke, and observed the dying pa
tient ceased her groaning and began to
rouse herself. Arising quickly to a
sitting posture in the bed to note every
word of the conversation, she stated
at them with eyes as big as small on
ions boiled. -
"Twill be reliefto her." continued d
Tom "for she has always been aninva-
lid. | too have suffered as we'll as she
but with you the picture of health as
my wife happiness will be complete. "
The widow threw herself upon TOMS
shoulder, her arms about Lis neck, and
began to chew his vest in mouthfulls to
smother her laughter.
"How soon shall we get married after
she is dead 7" asked Tom, passing his
arm around the widows substantial
waist. 3Hn'a1 st
"Issuppose You will be willing to wait
q week or two ?" simpered Mrs. Hake,
as she leaned her head on his shoulder
and took another mouth full of vest.
The invalid uttered an exclamation
and landed on the floor. se.r sf5HU
"You think that | am going to die do
you ?" she exclaimed. "Ill live to
spite you both! And for you''-she
turned and grasped Mrs. Hake by the
hair-"out OF my house you designing
vixen I'll act as my own nurse here
after. :" 49,. ss-te -
From that day to this Mrs. G. has
enjoyed good health. and Tom has en-
joyed good spirits; because he has not
had a single doctors bill to pay. He
knew how to cure her; For she only
needed rousing, and Tom reused her.