Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1868-09-12

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS.


Qu.-Did you ever see an old horce, hol.
iereyed and bony. limp.legged and pur-
bind, kivvered with gold-pated harniss
ana waited upon by spruce postillion and
liveryed coachman2
Ans-Ges | hav, and hev seen old AGE
put on pomposity, hobble in brocade. com.
mand reverence, exult with pride and grin
with pain, and | hav sed tew myself poor
old hoss."
Qu.-Did yu ever hear phools, and even
wise men, say that life waz short, that detb
waz certain, that happiness was skase2
Ans.-I have herd theze remarks quite
often, but | never herd bizzy man find en-.
ny fault with the length of life nor a pure
one regret that deth was q sure thing, nor a
Vartuous one komplair about the high
price of happiness.
Qu.-Dld you ever hear an old maid
Pra'tIe about the falsity ov a man, the crate
FISK there waz in having one, the bliss thare
waz In being boss ov ones self
Ans.-lt seems tew me that have and T
nav alwus felt as tho the old yirpin wnz tsl,
ing medicine all the time she was SAVING II
Qu.-lz thare emmy vacancy at present for
man in polite Strikes. who didn't bav a
ritch daddy, or who hadn't bored suckcess.
fully for lie himself
Aus-ll we near OV emmy sutCh OPENING
we will TELEGRAPH yu at once, but list now
the way things are run, a man with secdy
garments on would even git kicked out oy
tust klass meeting house, and be put un.
der 10 thousand dollar bonds tew keen the
peace. Our advice tey a poor but virtew.
oos individual would be tew take hiz vir
tew under hiz arm, keep shady, and let the
polite Strikes chew each other.
49,. .I.
mustash git situation in M York Sitty !?
Ans. but it would probably be in
the station. house. Young men without
emmy mustash are looked upon with suspi.
cion, and yu will find, if you put them un
der oath, that they either haint got emmy
thing but common sense. or they are too
stingy to buy bottle Of "Bolivard's oil of
seduktion," warranted tew fetch hair or
tarc oph the lip.
Qn.-Kan yu tell me the best way that
haz yet been invented to bring up a bow
Ans.-Giv me 10 dollars and will tell
va. But here is a recipee that Civ away.
Bring up yure boy in fear of the rod and a
gin mill.
Qu.-Is there emmy kure for natral laziness,
WHARF it is part of mans censtitushun
and bye laws?
Ans.-Ony one kure, that is, milk COW
on the run, and subsist on the milk.
Qu.-Iiow fast duz sound travel?
Aus.-This depends II good deal upon
the natur nv the nOi2c WI are a talking
about. The sound ov dinner horn. for in.
stance, travels a half IN le in a seckond,
while an invitashun tew git up in the morn
ing hav known 20 be quarters ov an
hour going up two pair of stairs, and then
not hay strength enutf left to be heard.
Qn.-Kan yu tell me who waz the author
ov the saying, give beggar hoss and he
will ride tew the dcvl2'
Ans.-I don't feel equal to the task, but I
will say one thing in favor ov the proverb, |
konsdcr it a good risk to take if you think
the devil would send back the hoss.
Qu.-Dew yu beleaye the world will
finally cum to an end
Ans.-Ov course do, w phool. Ami
hilation IL the only sure thing ON arth.
Qu.-What is yure private opinyun ov
human happiness az a fertilizer2
Ans.-l hav got a dredtul mean private
opinyun ov human happiness, but all that
kan say for it IL that it resembles a new
penny hove in among parcel ov ragged
yung ones; awl ov them are Immediately
crazy for the cent, but only one ov them
gifts it.
Qu.- What kind ov books would WI adj
vice yung man like me tew read, who am
very anxious tew be fall ov wisdum?
Ans.-Don't read but one good book at a
time, and az soon az yu git thru with that
keep reading it over agin. He who reads
everything, IL like he who drinks everything,
he gifts az full as a soder fountain, with just
about as much whizz in him. 1t IL better
tew be good deal like sumboddy than
tew be little like nobody
Gulf yu had fust rate daughter, would
yu teach her musick -?
Ans.-No. But if she had musick mulch,
would hoe it and dig around it. A talent
for musk IL NOT one tew banker for unless
It IL phatt one. | would rather young
lady gal ov mine would hav genius for
pitching cents at a rolling hub than tew be
, third rate musicker
Qu.-How long kan goose stan on one
eg
Ans.-Try it and see, that's the way the
goose found out.