The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1868-01-16
FACETIE.

warmers Drug Store the otner day,
and, "among other things" picked up
Ayers almanac for 1868. Indeed, we
saw q placard which said "Take One,'
and We obeyed. Glancing at it, for
want Of something better to do, our
eyes fell upon the subjoined tit-bits,
which nay not have been read by all.
Why is a selfish friend like the letter
PP Because, though first in pity, he is
the last in help.
At negro ball, in lieu of"Not trans
ferable" on the tickets, a notice was
posted over the door, "No gentleman
admitted unless he comes hisself."
A physician told lady that if wo
men were admitted to paradise, their
tongues would make ahell oft. "And
if some doctors practiced there" she
said, "they would soon make it q des-
ert"
When you see small waist, remem-
ber the great waste ofhealth it costs.
1t issaid that hoops surround the
loveliest Of all things,-girls and whls-
key.
If"Beauty draws us by single hair
who can withstand modern water
fall?
"Charley, what makes you so
sweet ?" I dess when bod made me OF
dust, he put little Mugar in"
WHAT'S the difference between an ed
itor and his wife? One sets articles 10
rights, and one writes articles to set.
Elopements, divorces, &C., are so nu.
merous, that the whole continent seems
to be incontinent.
A retiring editor says his connection
with the press has thawcd and resolved
itself into adieu.
Where do people begin on the prac-
tical alphabet Of love2 At the babe,
Since our Makor thought it wrong for
Adam to live single when there was not
woman on earth, how guilty are old
bachelors with the world full of pretty
girlsl
Fayorite airs of mammas with mar
riageable Observation-Disclosures.
Luck lies in bed biding his time,
while Labor turns out to vigorous work
and makes his fortune.
| Domestic Drama.-Mother in the eel.
lar splitting wood-Daughter in the
parlor singing to Clearance Fitz Noodle
the plaintive air "Who will care for
! mother now"
When do we read of decaying ma.
ture? When Autumn turns the leaves.
A man from the Auburn prison says
he lost there all his admiration for au-
burn locks.
Isn't woman wet enough with cat
aract in her eye, a waterfall on hel
head, a creek in her back, forty springs
in her skirts, high tied shoes, and no
ton in her head?
Quills-Things taken from the pin
ions OF one goose to spread the opin
ions of another.
A convict says he embraces with ar
dor many things in spiritualism, espe
cially the mediums.
What bus found room fsr the mos
, people2 Columbus.
A fellow being asked if he was no
: afraid to meet his God, answered, "No
/ am only afraid of t'other chap"
Ifayoung lady has thousand acre
=, of valuable land, the young men ar
apt to conclude that there are sut!icen
grounds for attachment.
: A man, charged with ten gallons O
i molasses in an eight.gallon keg, sal
he did not care FIR the money, onl
it was such strain on the keg.
! Concs;ted SweH.-I say, eh, must el
), take ticket for pup ell P? Ticket So
u ler.-Yes, if you mean to ride on on
( trains.
: Why do girls kiss each other, an
y men not? Because girls have nothin
better to kiss, but men have.
To what age does the dog reach
Sausage.
r There were not righteous peop
/. enough in Sodom to save it, but the
|. was a pretty good Lot.
/. Some fishermen use cotton for bal
so do some women.
Why is old age like dogs tail ? B
y cause ii is in-firm.
! Why is life the greatest riddle? B
y cause all must givei up.
What can you not name witho
2 breaking it2 Silence.
4 What creeping vine is exactly foul
!. Nv.
A clergyman, coming out of the w
ter with a woman lie had baptised, asl
4 ed how she felt in her mind. He W.
8 not little surprised to hear her an
' wer, "Bully." .
"Do you know what / am thinkin
n about ?" said customer to his barbe
mo, sir, not exactly; but / can 81
v what is running in your heed.
> Why is tom-cat like surgeon ? B
= ;, cause they both till-late,
"Pride goeth before fall,' and m
ny waterfall.
= How sweet to reclne in the lapse
ages-say about eighteen.
: Press, Pulpit, and Petticoats --thr
y ruling powers.
!. Poli:ician.-A stray dog that ru'
= = up to every one he sees, and wags hi
y self all over.
% Mankind has been learning for s
"a thousand years, and vet how few ha'