The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1868-07-25

SullllllcrinSS.

To TIE EDITORS or TnE EVENING Posi- :-Uh
this head you insert from Halls JOurnOfof HedHh
some specimens of laconic good sense" liz has
not occurred to Won that these rules, however eN-
oeIlent in themselves, are a positive plagiary from
the Bunklm Flagstaff, which recently published
a set of similar rules. As all Your readers may
not have seen the F2agsfaf's duodecalogue, |
take the liberty of enclosing a copy
Yours, &c, CARL Benson
SUMMARY sUNNERINGS.
/. When YOU 90 out of town resolve to sink
the shop. This may be a difficult thing to do if
you have been talking shop all your life there
fore, suppose You try the experiment for a little
while of not talking AT all. 1t will be a pleasing
variety, and may give you the reputation OF q
great thinker.
.. CITY officials have brought the term gentle
man into bad odor. Therefore don't call your
self anything of the sort. Say at once that You
are a loafer stick your feet into the windows
and spit. 1t saves no end of trouble, and also
enables YOU 10 fraternize easily with a large and
valuable portion of the indigenous population.
3. Don't say you know an alderman, lest peo-
pie lock up their plated spoons; or an editor, lest
they think you are a correspondent and going TO
put them into his paper Country folks are 50 con-
ceited) or an artist, lest some donkey set you
down for a dissipated Bohemian.
4. As a general rule it is safest not to know
anybody or anything; then you cannot be sns-
pected of knowing more than your neighbors,
which is very anti-republican.
3. On starting for the country you will be
puzzled what to do with Your Granddaughter
meeting - clothes. If you leave them behind,
the moths, which an observant foreigner has lately
remarked. really seem to like camphor, cedar and
tobacco, will most probably make away with
them if you take them with you, you will waste
their sweetness on the desert natives, who will
moreover be annoyed by your appearing in better
rig than their own. In this dilemma, your best
plan is to have no good clothes. Buy your hab-
iliments ut a slop-shop, and wear them us long as
they will stick together. Thus you Will have
money "a great point now-a-days,) and avoid the
dangerous reputation of being - stuck up
g. However bad any food may be, don't COM
plain of it. Remember that an American citizen
has no right to find fault with anything, and that
if your landlord chisels you he is only following
the example of most great railroad and steamboat
companies. Remember, also, that if the son of
your loins and the daughter of your bosom ever
know enough TO keep a hotel, or take boarders,
they will be able 10 impose upon the public in
like manner. Therefore, if the viands offered you
are utterly UNBEATABLE, all you have 10 do is not to
eat them. BY fasting for three days you will
probably become hungry enough to eat an old
boot without sauce. or a cat without stopping to
cut the claws off.
Z. You don't go into the country to eat else
you would be wonderfully disappointed. Nor do
you 60 to dress therefore dress as little as pos
sible. If it Is hot, walk about in your shirt and
combinations, like the plain farmers of the vicin-
ity. Go barefoot if the roads are not too gravelly.
1t saves expense, and makes you a favorite with
the ladies.
8. When you are at Rome do as the Romans
do, however vain they may be. Conform to the
manners and customs of the people about you,
provided such conformity does not lead straight to
the hospital or penitentiary. Thus, if the aborig-
ines drink whisky warranted to kill at fifty yards.
you may decline joining them on the plea of be-
ing subject to pericarditis or a total temperance
society but if they habitually speak bad gram
mar, by all means do the same. 1t is an innocent
concession to their prejudices, and bad English is
nowhere forbidden in Scripture.
9. Be cheerful, be kind, be considerable. OF
course you have no occasion for these virtues i'm
town. They might interfere with your business
and d~erogate from your independence. But in
the country, where nobody knows you, you may
indulge yourselves and others in these unusual
10. 1t is best not to have any politics or relig-
ion then you cannot offend persons of the oppO-
ones.
IL. Never argue, unless you are going through
course of Banting, and even then a walk of ten
miles is better. Argument never does anybody
any good, and it will do you none unless you
are paid for it. Leave it to the editors and poll
ticians and lawyers, who are paid for it.
Bunkum Flagstaff, issue Of April Isl.