Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1868-01-03

Why are book>keepers like chickens
Because they have to scratch for a living.
Why is making honey like whipping? Be
cause its bee-laboring business.
What proof haze we that there was sew
ing in the time of David? We read that he
was hemmed in on every side.
What contains more feet in winter than in
summer? A skating rink.
A grave mistake-accidentall burying a
man alive.
A young man who received allowing
up" from his sweetheart called her wind
lass"
The Grst thing hen says TO her brood
and not The last thing child says to its ia.
ther-" Shell OUT"
A young lady recently asked at New
Bedford bookstore for Extra Homo The
Mercury says the youngest partner immedi-
ately responded. &
Anna Dickinson was applied to recently
by committee from the West for politi>
sal lecture, and offered them " Breakers
Ahead" She received the answer: "That
will do /; give Us Break his Head y
The Bishop Of Nebraska said in recent
sermon, inadvertently, "that lady in Bos,
ton erected monument to the virtues Of
her departed husband, while gentleman in
Chicago erected one to the departed virtues
OF his wife,
Theodore Tilton tells those Baptists who
don't believe that Henry Ward Beecher is
all right, just TO taste of his Antwerp rasp-
berries, at PeekskiIl. They have the " or.
thodox flavor" and minister should be
judged by his fruits.
The Brahmins regulate their appeites by
q girdle of q single straw. When it bursts
they cease eating. 49,
man who has wife or sweetheart nam.
ed Lie is not to be believed about anything,
for he's always telling Lie about every,
thing.
A horse marine the walrus.-PuncA.
The best thing out-an aching TOOTH
Punch.
Food fer tie imaginatioa-fancy bread.
-Inlch.
In the old town Of W, in the Pine
Tree State, lived one of those unfortunate
lords of creation who had, in no. very long 2
life. put on mourning for three departed
wives. But time assuages heart wounds as
well as those Of the flesh. In due time a
fourth was inaugurated mistress Of his heart
and house. He was q very prudent man,
and suffered nothing to be wasted. When
the new wife was putting things to rights,
while cleaning up the attic she came across
a long piece of board, and was about launch.
ing it out Of the window, when little Sadie
interposed, and said: "Oh, don't mamma
that Is the board papa lays out his uires on,
dndhc icdnts to sare y Nevertheless, out it
trent.
A shocking thing to think of-a galvanic
battery.
" My hair is not so thick as when you cut
it last says lady to hairdresser in
Punch. swell, ma'am, l must sag it is not
so voluminous as it was, but, really, one can
improyise it 50 well nov that original mates
rial is not Of much consequence"
Ifa tough beefsteak could speak. what
English poet would it name' Chaw-sir.
Chd,irari has school science. "Why
don't you stsdy your Roman history?r said
schoolmaster to . lazy pupil. 81 am
waiting for il to be finished" was the re.
ply.
A "perfect savage suggested the other
day, that physicians should adopt motto.
He had the effrontery to suggest a. entirely
appropriate, Patients under monument ~
A private letter from Boston says that
Tieknor 1 Fields have already made arrange.
ments with Dickens for the volume he ex.
poets to write on the United States after his
return. The book will be issued very soon
after the authors tour is over. After his
readings are completed, be will travel thro'
large portion Of the West and South. for
the sake Of observation, taking copious
notes.