Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1868-03-27


.'AIr. SNIrHEns, how can you sleep so?
The sun has been up for two hours" "Well,
what if it has tbicll He goes to bed at dark,
while dont 60 till after (hic!) midnight. .
A SHARP old gentleman travelling out west,
got a seat beside his wife in a crowded car, by
requesting the young man who sat by her to
please watch that woman while be went IN
to another car, as she had fits"
A DurcHMAx and his wife we're travelling;
they sat down by the road exceedingly IA
tigued. The wife sighed, Il wish I was in
heaveul' The husband replied, 81 wishI
was at the tayernr' "Ob, you old rogue, "
says she. lyon always want to be in the best
place.
A CHURCH FESTIVAL was given in New
Jersey the other day, the guests of which
were served by pretty girls and boys, who
sold the bin of fare at five cents each. Here
is sample Of the bill Yegetables-soft
corn. can't be beet, waiting for something to
turnup, eighteen carrots (6ne,) Johubonion,
peas land plenty) Entrees-A Michi gan
der with sauce,) youra goose (sauce for
goose is ditto or gan DER plueked pigeon "a
Ia Wall street, decoy duck, spare rib (for
bachelors backbone Of the rebellion, cold.
A C0nEEspoNDEST from Jasper, Tennessee,
writes that during Bragg retreat from Middle
Tennessee, two rebel soldiers stopped at the
house of Mr.. .K-,and one of them proposed a
trade for a very fine horse, but thought that a
large white spot on the horses forehead les
sened his value somewhat.
''Why so?''
Because, said the soldier, ''the Yankees
can see it a great way of. +"
''Never mind that, said his companion !;
.'totder end is always toward the Yankees"
TEoD Uroy HIS ToEs.-Last night at the
theatre: a gentleman felt the pressure of two
little fairy feet upon his patent feathers. At
first the sensation was delightful. 1t made
inexpressible delightful thrills pass through
his body; but these sensations wore away,
and the pressure began to feel the least bit
uncomfortable.
''Madamel - he gently suggested, "You
are standing on my feet!'
''Your feet sir"
Eyes madam"
"Goodness! l beg your pardon, sir, /
thought I was a standing on a block Of wood
they are quite large sirl'
'Quite--but you covered EN-, madam.
--Ptibole Record. -
Ill
"a letter from the wilds of Cheshire was re-
ceiyed one morning, having the simple super
scription, For moi Son, London After
passing through succession of hands, it was
at length duly deposited, along with thou
sand other letters, at left-till caledfor office
there to await the chapter of accidents. A
few days afterwards a simple-looking country.
man presented himself, and inquired, Han
20 gotten a lettur for me fra moi feythur p
A litter, whisper, a significant nod of the
head on the part of more than one official
then rummage amongst he pigeon holes
and 'feythur's letter was found and handed
to the son, who looked upon the whole pro
ceeding quite as a matter of course.
J liz lOlOWlbg uOLe from marx lWalut
concerning 'Gideon's Band, appears in the
Washington Chronicle ''Mr. Editor: see i
stated that the staunch old salt, Mr.. Gideor
Wells, is going to rally to the protection o
the President with his four hundred marines
Do you know if that party is entirely mad,
up? 1 would ike very much to belong tt
Gideon's Band. Here's my heart aud here's
my hand want to rally to the rescue a little
l am competent. have been to sea a goot
deal, and have seen some service as a boarde
on shore: besides, have some entertaining
stories to relate, which I have never go
anybody to believe yet, and l wish to tel
them to these marines
''We can gain the victory in this entor-
prise. In the old times there were only
three hundred noble Democrats in Gideon
Band, and they triumphed. Every Dem ocra
took horn. Every Democrat carried hi
own jug. Just arm US four hundred modern
Democrats as we have been armed for three
thousand years; give US jug apiece aut
sound the tocsin of war. Ayast ! Ahoy
A way for Gideon's Band ''Mark Twain.
''DIAY it please the court, said lawye