Des Arc weekly citizen., 1868-02-01
MARRYING.
A JUICY LETTER.

MIR. EDITOR. MdrTNlH IS SOou thmg-so l have been told. As a gen eral thing it isn't healthy to have more'n one wife at time. We once knew man who married second wife while the first one was living, and when wife No. heard of it, she chased him all over the United States, and finally run into Nova Scotia, where he committed suicide by holdin' his head in a snow bank. We heard of another who spliced himself to wo.. man and seven children, and not bcin able to give reason for such whole sale doins, had to make shoes in the Penitentiary for three years.
 Some people live very happily to- gether when married, and their lives are as pleasantas sleepin' on shed of hot summer night. They live as sweet and tender to each other as if they didn't care if butter was six bits pound and spilin' at that. Other don't live happily together very long They don't more'n get g taste of things before they want to sell out. AS general thing the wife's mother'n law gets to'runnin' the machine, and she'll bankrups the whole business. l have noticed that two makes stronger team at that business than three. The fracss generally winds up by the wife to ho, pf l,a and faC in' ali her clothes aud about half of every thing her mother'n law can lay her hands on. Then there arc some who dash ri9ht into hot water from the word 'gon They make things lively about the plantation, you bet. They make each other see green streaks from the beginning. That machine don't get fairly up afore it bursts. and there ain't much use tryin' to put the thing together again-no, not if you please! This sort of rumpus tickles the neigh bors nightly, and they hold sewing circles Cor rather scandal ciycles) might fly over it.
 The honeymoon is said to be the happiest part of married life. Mar red people generally see a spanky time then. They go it lively. you bet. But from what have seen, and the lit- tic thunder have heard, give me the good old moon that has been slingin her rays for nigh unto a half century on this old head of mine. The honey of the bees for me.
 On the whole it isn't healthy, either, for a man to marry woman that Is old enough to be his grandmother, without he has the rheumatism, or some disease of long standing, and wants to go on the docks for repairs. I have heard it said that if woman had plenty of money, she was as pretty to a poor man as speckled hen but as for me, give me youth and beauty good, hard, hoss sense, and l care not if she hasn't a stitch of clothes, onto her back-T'll make shift for her some way. Money is a good thing. but it won't buy happincss-no, not by q jug full. If l were a farmer, I'd rather fence in a new clearin', and culti- vate new soil, when land is only four bits an acre, than to dash my blow in- to weather beaten. wasted old com mons, with soil that ain rich enough to raise a crop of brown sage, although whole town section of such land should be given to me for nothing.
 It isn't exactly proper, either, for a young miss of sixteen to marry man over whose head the snows of about three-score winters have been sprink led. First, it will look as if she was reduced to a desperate extremity, and was going to either marry or. sell out. Second, it gives the sewing circles and teaparties such delicious morsels to chew and smack their chops over; and third, about the time she begins to understand things, he stops takin' his hash and mornin' gruel here on earth :; and, without he leaves little proper ty, his bloomin' widow is often com pelled to set about washin' other peo- ple's clothes for about thirty cents a dozen.
 A good deal depends on the way one does his courtin.' As general thing it isn't best for . man to propose on the first visit. llhave noticed that when an object is hard to get, it is generally worth somethin' when you get it. Whenever man in my neighborhood takes sudden notion to get married, III always make up my mind that I'll have to be a witness in suit for di- vorce. And when 1 see woman take stock in a concern that she don't know anything about, begin to smella lit tie high thunder. If she comes out with four cents on the dollar of her investment, she does well.
 To know how to court well ia ditfi- cult thing. My notion is. q woman shouldn't do any courtin' at all. How ever, a great many woman can play . four-handed game at that business. l once had friend who came to his death by pullin as~inst woman who had made up her mind to have him. She would sling sonnets in the papers at him; she would smell out every thing he did. She used to make raids on him and take him to church, pie nics, and mite societies. One night she enticed him to her residence. She proposed to him. He entreated her with tears in his eyes, not to do that thing again. He dwelt touchinly on