The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1868-07-02

opened the campai gn by reading the next
morning nom the paper, a paragraph stat
ing thatR gang OF thirty desperate burglars
had been seen in onn immediate neighbpr-
hood. q took Cqfe ia tear the paper in o..
der to hght a cigAf befbre anyone had an
opportunity To- discovAr that this parag-
fHph was wholly an invention Of my own
All breakfast-time l discoursed Of robbery
and murder. until the female portion q
my household was in a delightful state OF
nervous apprehension That night, when
] told my wife that the burglar alarms must
be placed on every door, she acquiesced
without the slightest hesitation.
In the morning, I made a point Of for.
getting to remove them. Consequently,
Aunt Jane, in opening her door immediate,
ly exploded one. and with a direful scream
tainted away. She came to again in time,
and recovered sufficiently TO explode sey.
etal more in the course Of The day
For three days | remained al home, and
devoted my whole time to secretly n reload
ing The discharged alarms. Like most OF
her sex, C%lementina and her amt were
wholly ignorant o.. firearms, and Thought
they exploded without the aid of powder.
My share in promoting the discharges that
constantly rang through the house, remain.
ed therefore. undecided. u was like n
protmeted Fourth OF duly. for hourly the
stunning report of the alarm was echoed
! by the gleeful shouts of the children, who
enjoyed the thing immensely. My aunt
grew 80 nervous, that she declared that She
dreaded to open a door. stin, she saidno.
thing about leaving US, and / began to feai
that hen courage would outlast my powder
when, on the third night of the compuign.
fortune came 10 my support in an mex.
pected and decisive name .
ln spite Of the continuous statements
that / read from the paper, detailing hor,
rible murders committed by desperate
burglars. Il rose an hour before my accus.
toned time each morning, IN order TO oh
tain possession OF the pnper,) | need moi
say that / totally disbelieved IN the exist.
ence Of robbers In our ncighbOrhoNd. on
the night I'm question, however, I WINS sud,
denly awakened by the explosion of an
alarm apparently in the lower part of the
house. 'Robbers &c last, y L whispered To
my wife, and rising huniodly, threw on d
few clothes, md taking my revolver stole
softly to the head OF the stairs. sliiil 81.
1t was perfectly dark, and l could sec
absolutely nothing, but could distinctly
hear some one cropping his way along the
lower hall Convincedt that twas in reality
n case Of burglary l suddenly called TO the
fellow to surrender at once or hp was Q
dead man. There was nc reply but the
steps began hurriedly TO recede, and in nm.
other moment the burglar fell over a chaii
with q loud crash, Almost at the same in.
slant Ihred IN the, direction of the sound.
1 A CHASTITY groan answered the discharge o.
the pistol and then all was still 20. .D
went back to my room. and procuring Q
\ light returned to the hall What was my
horror at finding Aunt Jane lying senseles'
on the floor.
Iushed to her side, aud picked hor M
just as consciousness returned, and she be
gan 10 cry out that she was killed. 1 wFs
really afraid at.hrst that Ihad shot her, bui
soon found that. though badly frightened.
she was uniniurcd Ny ball had entered
the wall at some distance from where she
was lying, and had done NO damage except
to the plaster.
Igadually learned that my Unfortunate
relative had risen during the night in search
Of water, and that in endeavoriug to reach
the ice-pitcher in the dining room, she had
exploded the alarm which hadplaced over
the dining room door. The noise fright
ened her so badly that she was returning
to her room without the wpter, when she
heard my demand for her surrender, In
her fright she did not recognize me; but
III nef turn mlhtOOk me tOf a bufglafi ana
was trying TO escape from the house when
/ fired upon her. r.... Ill
Nothing would convince her that i had
not tried to shoot her, and though she did
not directly accuse me Of an attempt NJ
murder, she sniffod incredulously at my
explanation. She said that she would 20
as soon as daylight appeared, for her life
was not safe in my house. | am inclinedto
think that she was right To be contim-
ally shifted at will render the milde5t man
desperate in time. lido.
She kept her word, aud left rs in the
morning, vowing that she would never re-
turn. The next day / read TO my wife nm
imaginary account OF the arrest of the en-
tire gang Of burglars infesting our neigh
borhood, and Immediately thereafter dis
continued the use Of the alarms. As Aunt
Jane will never pay US another visit, | do
not know that Ihaye any further use Tor
them, and will, therefore, dispose Of them
ut half price, to any one afflicted with un-
desirable relations, Judiciously used in
such cases, they cannot fail 10 drive out the
most determined visitor.