The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1868-01-10
SPARE LINES.

When were the first sweetmeats made
When Noah preserved pars in the ark.
When does man look like q cannon
ball? When he looks round.
The first bus in America was Colum-
bus.
Two sciences arc employed by teamsten'
IN driving -Ha,sticulture and Gseol-
ogy.
a laxative man neither hears nor -
heard. lie won't listen to Others, nor they
to him.
Why ID a prosy, long.winded ialker like
an oil.well? Because ID 10 precious
bore.
No man is ever Indifferent to tho worlds
good opinion until he has lost all claim to
il.
Why are authors who write about physi-
osnomy like soldien' Because they write
about face.
The walrus in the Geological Garden Of
London gets ten quarts Of oysters a day.
Who wouldn't he walrus?
No matter what part other persons may
play, grocer is very sure to play the coun.
terpart.
Ayoung lady told typo friend he nigh,
print kiss upon her cheek, but must not
publish il.
A New York paper ruises the puerile
query whether bakers on strike can be
considered loaies. Information kneaded.
Two women in Chicago 20, into figh,
because one Of them called the other ape-
destrian," The indignant woman declared .
that she had always been respectable.
Mildmay says that he doesn't have to take
bi,tcrs when At home on Sundays. Mrs
Ms presence is sufficient dose TOR both
ii and 4. |
Forgive us our debts" is the prayer Of
every selfish man hut he makes everybody
who owes INN pay to the ut,ermos, far
thing.
An exchanges admits that the new style
ofhoop skirts don't give the ladies' us much
room ms the old pattern; bur il gives every
body else moro room.
The people who feel burdened with work
would probably feel more overwhelmed
with entire leisure were they called upon
to"enjoy" il.
The best hank ever known is bank Of
earth, ]: never refuses to discount to honest
labor. And the best sh ere is the plough
share, on which divide Is are always lib
eIal.
A widow in New II en- has been sued
for $4,000 for breach OF promise. We can.
not see why men should not have shin
plas,ers put on their wounded hearts some.
times rs well rs women.
A preacher, in funeral sermon on Ia
dy, after summing up her good qualities,
added thar 'she always reached her hus.
band his hat, when he called for il, without
muttering."
Mr.. Dickens description ofthe shipwreck
in his reading from David Copperfield, in
New York, was 50 naturally impressive that
his auditors put their ovenho.s on to pre-
vent weuiug their feet.
Economy was exempli6cd in the case OF
the Indiana man who had occasion TO
place marble slabs for counters in his store, |
and had them made in the form OF grave
stones, with the names and cpisaphs ofhis
family Inscribed on the under side.
Prayer is the key Of tho day and the
lock Of the night. And we should every |
day begin and end, bid ourselves good
morning and goodnight, with prayer. This
will make our labor prosperous, and our
rest sweet.
A pious co,tager residing in the center Of
long and dreary heath, being asked by a
visitor. "Are you not sometimes afraid in
your lonely situation, especially in the win
ter 2" replied, "Oh. no, for Faith shuts the
door at night. and Mercy opens il in the
morning.
For very small children il is well 10 buy
freshly painted toys; the sucking Of the
pain, will afford them other pleasure than
that designed by the manufacturer.
In Germany, when paper says anything
witty they kill the editor; and not one cdi. |
tor has been killed there for two hundred
years.
In case Of little over 50 worth Of mu-
tilated currency, the Government deducted
two cents for dilapidation This, the sui.
ferer says, is like squeezinga quarter until
the eagle screams.
II you want to be happy make yourself
independent. lfyou want to be indcpend.
ent, make your wants few. II you want To
make your wants few, live naturally. III
you want to live naturally, lop of about
one.half the customs of society.
Never chase your own hat when il blows
oil; jus, stand still and you will presently
sec half dozen persons in pursuit Of il.
When one has captured il, walk leisurely
toward him and receive IL with a graceful
acknowledgement. Ho will invariably act
rs If you had done him q favor.
The latest improvement in stock is new
breed Of cats in Vermont, which have tails
only an inch long. The advantages claimed
for such tails arc that they cannot Set under
rocking.eha'r, or DO stepped upon, and
tina, the door can be closed tho quicker
,.k.r ,hev On mt .Seaf,