The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1868-03-20
aHA and a,amsr,

fer oil marriage.
- Ladies and gentlemen dancing
en- the green sward are grasshoppers.
- Which is the oldest tree in the
world? The elder tree,lo course.
,ss - 1t is exceedingly bad weather
DO harrow up the feelings of your
vile. a -5a... Il.eI#-.ltl.
81 80 A llte traveller says IL is so cold
in the Northern part of Greenland that
IL freezes the fire out. naaa
- It is a mistake to suppose the
sun is supported in the sky by its
beams.
- Petroleum shares are defined by
Pope--not the general--as "parts of
one stupendous hole"
The reason why some people
put on airs is because they have moth
ing else to put on. suN
49, ssJohn did yon find any eggs IN
the old hens nest this morning !""No
sir ;if she laid any she mislaid Them"
- A live turkey would seem to be
less noisy than dead one, for one
makes only din, the other dinner.
- bore the man who persists
in talking about himself when you
want to talk about yourself.
A man who recently died left
$50 to favorite parrot. Parrots gem
orally have greenbacks.
- A German writer complains of
the difficulties of the English language,
and cites the word Boz, which he says
Is pronounced Dickens.
- An Irishman was challenged
to fight duel' but declined on the plea
that he did not wish to leave his ould
mother an orphan.
Just so--a mans mouth was
made to talk and to eat, yet he often
hurts himself by talking and kills him
self by eating
- Women are called the softer
SEX because they are so easily humbug-
ged. Out of one hundred girls, ninety
five would prefer ostentation to happi-
Mesa dandy husband to mechanic.
- What is the difference between
an entrance to barn and an ovcrtalk-
ing person One is barn door, and
the other a darn bore. "a :
- A well known physician used to
say that roast beef, serenity of mind,
pretty wife, would make almost any
AiAbh hSUibhy hNoAohJ tsHh WiSSs
- lady asked a gentleman the
other day why so many tall men were
bachelors? The reply was that they
had to lie crossways in bed to keep
their feet in, and that awife would be
s in the way.
- Victor Hugo says: "Dear Carl
baldi, there WAS Tyre in the tent of
Achilles" He refrains from mention
ing that there is something OF the sort
I in the headquarters of a modern gener-
al. -HGTI HE ~ Efsf44t $500
- Ifthere be circumstance in So
cial life calculated to make q man 'hide
his diminished head, ut is the discovery
that some one has walked off with his
hat, and left one several sizes too
large. fH nt ltora
- An illiterate man wishing to
enter some animals al an agricultural
exhibition wrote as follows to the Sec
rotary "Also enter me Tor the best
jackass !; am sure of getting the
prize" .eH
sWhy don't you get married p
said young lady the other day to
bachelor friend. Il have been trying
for the last ten years to find some one
who would be silly enough to have. me-
was the reply. Il guess you haven't
been up our way she smilingfy said.
An old gentleman was sitting on
the bank of a river fishing most patient
Nv. Suddenly vicious little dog stole
mp behind him aud gave him a spiteful
snap through his pantaloons. "Whew!
I've got Il bite at last" exclaimed the
old fisherman.
-One ofthe most original of juven-
lie inventions was that of little Fanny,
who instead of saying her prayers at
night, spread out her alphabet OH ths
bed and raising her eyes to heaven said
sob Lord here are the lettcrs--arrange
them to suit yourself"
You are not accustomed to can
onical proceedings, said clergyman to
a one-armed-soldier. Amt / though
responded the soldier if we didn't
have economical proceedings down there
In the WILDERNESS and Cold Harbor,
then they never had 'em anywhere.
.r -. Halo, steward, exclaimed fell
low in one of the steamboats, after hav-
leg retired to bed, ''here steward"
"What, massa.', bring me the way
bill.n @What for. NASSAU" II want
to see if these bed bugs put down their
names fol- this birth before | did. If
not, not, want them turned OUT"
"A schoolmaster tells the follow
ing good one 81 was teaching in a
quiet country village the second morn
ing of my session had time to survey
my surroundings, and among the scam
ty furniture | espied a three-legged |
stool SIS this the Ounce block p | asked |
q little girl OF five. The dark eyes
spark,ei, the curls nodded assent, and
the lips rippled out, L guess so ; the
teacher always sits on it,"
SHOW do you do, Mr.. Smith ?"
s'Do what :"
"Why how do you find yourselfP"
III never lose myself"
nWell how have You been 2"
HBeen-been where ?"
sPshaw how do you feel ?"
ssFeel of me and see.F
"Good morning Mr. Smith"
SITS not good morning-its internal
wet.-
And the parties separated.
-- A droll story is told of an honest
old farmer, who in attempting to drive
n fence. Recovering himself he saw
the animal on the other side of the rails
saving the airwith his head and neck,
and paving the ground The good old
man looked steadily at him n moment,
and exclaimed +: 'Durn your appolo.
gics, you needn't stand their bowin'
and scrapins, you tarnel critter. yOu
know you did it purpose, durl your
ugly pctur,' !