Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1867-04-03

q 1clioHIEg good advice on b
above subject is from the pen of John
Quill, who seems to have rather a bliss
ful experience In regard 10 such mat
ters:
Having had much experience in the
science Of counting, l have determin-
ed herewith 70 lay down some definite
rules for the guidence of nv youue
friends. You see, | had a good many
unsuccessful courts before / met nv
present wife-the females whom 7 Low.
ed having gone emphatieally back on
me. But, bless you. did it harm me?
No, it didn't; I was benefited thereby,
and when l met my present love, [
knew the ropes, and gathering up my
affections, made one full sWoep on Sal
lies heart, and the door thereof bang
ed wide open and let me in will
give you the rules, and shed the sunny
light of illustration upon them from
my own life.
lst. Never go counting the girls pa
rents. You'd better edge up to the
charmer herself at once for YOU can't
marry ner if you don't try, unless she
wants you, and you may be able to
even if the old folks are hard on you.
This is the policy pursued by myself
IN my last successful attempt.
I'd. By all means get the girls ms
down on you as much as possible. If
the old lady is always q blowing against
you, the little dear begins to take your
part, and can't help loving you.
L did this way, and my present
mother-in-lsw used to throw brooms
and washboards at me, and teach the
dog to bite me in the trousers as l
climbed over the fence.
NIB. She's got over il now, and lives
at my house without paying board
II remorse testers in her soul in conse-
quence of her conduct, however, 1
hayn't noticed it yet.
Sd. If you see any other fellows
proving around, always euchre them
If you can. If you see one of them
buying tickets for the opera, 20 right
up and make an engagement with the
glrl, and get your ticket afterwards;
and when they visit the house always
acts as if you were at home and they
were only visitors, and never leave
first.
always did this, and have frequent
ly set until aaybreak, while the fair one
snored away IN the sofs. You can't
eiuf me. No, sir, hal 1 guess not. I
would have been there yet if the fell
low had stayed.
9TH. If the old man has worldly
wealth, express a dislike TO greenbacks,
and q hsnkering after love in a small
house.
5th. If you are alone in the parlor,
you may sometimes try whether your
arms fits well round her waist.
/ tried this ones, and called forth q |
piercing scream, which induced her
heavy fathers and two brothers to chuck |
me down the 'front.' steps. So, be care
full.
9th. When you inquire if she will
have you, don't fall to your knee-iPs
ridiculous, besides being rough on
trousers. just take her hand, and
speak out like q man.
l behaved similarly to this to a fe-
male, and said: will you be mine1"
She said rather abruptly mot much;
! Eon'tip It is likely she would have
been g little, but l didn't care about
pursuing the subject further.
9TH. When you are engaged, don't
go off ike an old jackass, and begin
buying teaspoons, and w~ash-boilers,
and candies. It is unRise, and excites
comment.
Why, / receollect, I was SO glad that
went right off and purchased a baby
lumber and q gum-ring. 1t was a long,
long while ere those things were neces-
ssry, and the babyjumper had shrunk
SO, that when We put the first of the
little Quilts into if, it suddenly jerked
up, and came frighlfully near batter
ing the devoted child's brains out
sgainst the ceiling, while the gum ring
having been kept in a box with cock
roach poison, threw the baby into fits,
and he ft was a boyl, had spasms in
the crib for four days. 1t was fright
ful.
Sth. If a girl refuse You, don't give
il up, but try again. Because two neg
atiTee make an ahrmstiYein grammar,
however, don't consider yourself ac-
ctpted when a girl jilts you twice.
rsked female forty-one times,
sDd at last she got to expect it when
ever came, and sometimes would hol- :
out MOI from the top of the
stairs before | got fairly in the house.
This is usual Let me here remark.
9th. Kiss all the little children in q
house yer if they are dirty, and do
smear molssses-candy through your
hair. Let the boys play horse with you
and make a fool of you generally
This always works. Pts a trump card
# you pl ~ it right.
10th. and fnslly, if there are two
sisters, and The old one is jealous, get
some of your friends to choke her off,
while you go in for the younger. i
l did that once, and used to get my
10 ask the senior girl out every
evening. but she found me out, and
used TO arrange hair pins in the sofa
before she went out, so that
il was extremely uncomfortable.
Thus 1t will be seer that, when court
ing Is alluded TO, ] am right there; and
if any further information is wanted,
send me q letter, enclosing a stamp
thfLy cents, and l will cheerfully give
II gratis.