The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-12-28
MRS. BROWN IN AMERICA.

SkkTOHbbH, ESQ.,
I'm sure it's mercy as I'm alive to tell
the tale for what with one thing and what
with another, one would think as the Merry
kins was bent on my distraction, for Of all the
people to worret and idget as ever see, inc
'herrykins beats 'em, as Just suits Brown, but
I can't abear bein' 'urried and drove to DEATH
and as to Brooklyn, where we went to stop
along with JOe's wife's aunt on the mothers
side, why it's a lovely place no doubt, with
trees agrowin' all about the streets quite
natral, but | can't say much for the pave
ment as it is that uneven as it throws you
down at every turn, as the sayin Isl but
'owever they come to build it on the other
s,1o % .iie wa.er. Win no bridge for to carry
you safe over, with what they calls steam
ferry as were very nigh my death, and all
tho Mrs. Skidmore and Ter daughter, as were
JOe's wife's aunt's name, agoin' over with me
to New York.
Well, we took it very gently to the top of
the Ill as TIE ferry is at the bottom on, and
jest IS we got to the ferry as the ground
slopes very much down to, Mrs. SkidmOre
says curry up, for we're jest in time," and
off she sets with Julia a-dragging' me on. We
goes thro' the gate, and on were a-rushin'
when the man says to me, "'Old on !" as in
course thought he meant me to keep on,
and so did, and if that ferry-bOat didn't glide
away jest as put my foot on it, and into the
water goes with a flop as you might ave
'eard for miles around. AS for me, was a.
guggling' and a-strugglin' kickin' about, and
don't remember nothin' but thump on the
'ead, and then bein' dragged up violent with
'OOk in my pack-gathers. | was ever so
long afore | was myself, and there was with
every think on me drenched thro' and thro',
with my umbreller gone, and my redicule
foated right out to sea.
Mrs. Skidmore she did put me out, for If
II L II I'll L. a.. e..
the next boat while l can take my 'Davy, as
the sayin is, as Julia pulled me slap into the
water thTo' a-jumpin' on board the boat, as
was not up to the ways on.
They squeezed away at me for to dry me,
but, bless you, was in sich pickle as l says,
81 must go back ~ but, bless you, there amt
neer cab to be 'ad for love nor money.
| says to Mrs. Slzdmore, "Walk / can't, as to
| goin' in them cars, as don't take you near the
! door, won't" "Well," says she, 1--WE must
| get carriage" and so she did arter time,
eand 'ome went in it; and if the feller didn't
| take and charge me pretty nigh ten shillin's.
| don't think as l ever know'd what rheu
| matics were afore that time, as KEEP me in bed
over week, and Joe obligated to go 'Ome
| without me, thro' his wife bein' took i'll sud
| don, q 10 Sure sisn troubles never come
single, as the sayin' is.
never can forget, tho 'opes as a Chris
tian / forgives, the way Mrs. Skidmore
|
| own fault as / fell in the water, whereas it
were FER doin', as a regular push and drive
woman as ave worrated three husbands into
the grave, and is q mask of skin and bone
| erself So says to Brown, ''d rather stop
in this bed for ever than go out with that old
weasel agin," and so l would; but law, it's
foOlishness to say as you won't do nothink,
for as sure as you says SO, you're obligated to
| break your word-leas, ways that's low it
always is with me; and so it proved about Mrs.
Skidmore, for was jest gettin' over the cold
as the water 'ad give me thrO' never bein'
| used to it, as in course don't come nat'ral to
human bein's, but all very well for fish, as
| is q cold -blooded lot. / was gettin' on very
nicely, when Mrs. Skidmore says to me, at
would do you a world of good to get out a
Bit" l says, "NO doubt, but l amt a-goin'
to cross that steam ferry no more" She
says, "NO, Wen go out to Coney Island, as
is lovely spot" So says, "Owever will
you get there, If it's a Inland, and not
cross the waterH" "Oh, >" says she, "the cars
takes you" "Well," l says, "I've only got
one thing to say as them cars must stop for
me or don't co." for, bless you, them "Mer-
rykins will jump on and off while the trains
in motion, and leave widder and orphins
afore the day is out and think nothink of it,
tho went out in full 'ealth to business in the
mornin', as 'appened two streets off where
we were a-shOppin', and her youngest only
| uV0 Gays OluJ db been 10 u1luu
so long as he were buried decent, and the
'ouse like fair all the time, as would ave
drove me mad, tho in course true friend in
afiictiOn is what every one is glad to see; SO,
as was a-sayin', either stop the Car, or on it
l don't put my foot.
So she promised me faithful as she'd stop
the car, and off we sets, and gets to the corner
where we was to meet that car as came along
very gradual and stops for us; leastways for
Mrs. Skidmore, as 'opped up like a bird for
lightness and was fOllerin' FER and 'ad got my
foot on the step, when on goes the thing a
drsggin' me with one foot on the ground and
the other on the step. Parties as was standin'
on the steps, as is their ways, 'auled and
pulled at me for to get me up, but law bless
you, all as l did was to pull old feller, in a
straw at, right off into the road, and there we
was a-layin' and another car a-comin' in the
Oppersite direction as would ave been over
our bodies but for colored party as they calls
them niggers as pulled me up by main force
and nearly dislocated me from ead to foot, let
alone bein' mauled by lis dirty lands as
sOiled me dreadfully, and If Mrs. Skidmort
'adn't gone on ever so far afore she missed
me out of the car through a-meetin' friend
in it, she said as she got a-talkin' with
/ don't think as ever felt more shook anC
bruised than | were when that niger sci
me down ON sOmethin' as proved to be white
wash. As for the old man as I'd pulled of
the car, he was uncommon short, a-sayin' al
he should miss a appointment all through me
Mrs. Skidmore, she came back for me anC
wanted to 'urTy me on, but l says, "Its al
very well for you, mum, as Pve 'eard say
come from Buffalo to go on like that, bu
"A l.. al.