The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-09-19
HUMOROUS.
Josh Billings on Gongs.

the sound ov the furst gong [ ever
heard / was setting on the front step
Ov a tavern In the sitty of Bufferlo,
pensively smokin. The sun was goin
to bed, and the hevins for an hour was
blushin at the performance. The Fry
Kanal, with its golden waters, was on
the line botes a fotin by, an thinkin
ov Italy where l use to liye) and her
gondolers anu -gallus- wimmin. My
entire sole was, as it were, in a SWEET.
| wanted to KLINE; I felt CRATE; 1 &C.
tually grew. There are things in this
life tn big tn be trided with; there are
times when a man brakes luce from
hisself, when he sees sperrits; when
he kin almost tuch the mune, and
feels as tho he kud fl both hands
with the stars of heven, and almost
sware he was a bank president. That's
what allied me. But the Korse GU tru
luy never did run smoothe (this is
Shakspere's opinyun too.) just as I
was DUNG my best-dummer, hummer,
spat, bang, bell. crash, roar, ram. dun :
mer, hummer, swhang, rip, rally, dunn
mer, hummer, dum-with a tremenjus
jump struck the center ov the side
walk, with anuther | kleared the gut
ter and with anuther I stood in the
middle of the street, snorting like an
Indian pony at band of music. I
gazed in wild despair at the tavern
stand, mi hart swelled up as big as a
outdoor oven, mi teeth was luce as a
string of bedes. / thot all oy the
crockery in the tavern had fell down.
| thos ov fenomenous. | thot of Ga
brel and his horn. l wos jest on the
pint of thinker of somethin else when
the landlord KUN out to the frunt
stupe ov the tavern, holden by a string
the bottom ov old brass kittle. He
kawled me gently with his hand. [
went slola and slola up tn him; he
kammed mi feres; he said it was
gong; saw the cussed thing; he said
supper was reddy; he axed me eff wud
hav black or green tee, and | sed |
wud.
A nervous old gentleman recently
attempted to remove large bug from
the bonnet of lady who sat in front
Of him at the theater. The result was
he unrooted all her back hair, the
bug s office being TO hold head and
hair together. 1.,4a.a
An exchange paper gives the follow
ing reason for not publishing a poetic
effusion: 1.-The rhythm sounds like
punkins rolling over barn floor,
while some lines appear to have been
measured with d yard stick, and 9TH
ers with ten foot pole. fal3
A Characteristic anecdote is related
Of an out-at- the-elbows poet, who by
some freak of fortune, came into pos
session of five dollar bill. He called
to lad and said, johnny, my boy,
take William and get him changed
What do you mean by calling it
William" inquired the wondering
lad. why, john" replied the poet,
Il am not sufficiently familiar with it
to take the liberty Of calling it Bill.
A negro lately gave his idea of faith
In Gods promises in the following
words: Oar is a brick wall, and de
Lord he stand dere and say to me
Now, / want you to go troO dat. I
amt gwine to say, Lord, can't I got
muffin to do bout it. All / have to
do about it is to butt agin it. and it's
de Lords business to put me troo."
A formal, fashionable visitor thus
addressed a little girl: How are you,
my dear?" Very well, I thank you"
she replied. The visitor then added:
Now, my dear, you should ask me
how I am. The child simply and
honestly replied, Il don't want to
know" ffT T ffsTF
A gentleman at the South recently
had new carriage, the lining of which
was gray. He made a call on secesh
relative. The lady went to the door
to look at the vehicle, and noticing
the lining, said: Il like that color.h
Yes, quietly remarked her kinsman,
the owner, it's subdued color"
At a church collection for missions,
the preacher said: my Christian
brethren, let me caution those of you
who put in buttons not to break off
the eyes. It spoils them for use, and
they will not pass among the heathens
for coin"
A boy who had, happily, read Shake
speare, was about to be spanked, for
some trifling offense, when he called
out solemnly, "Pausei" The uplifted
hand of the schoolmaster hesitatedin
mid-air, and the boy said: Do not
disobey Cardinal Wolsey's beautiful
injunctionl' z-s
What do you mean?'' asked the
master. ss;.s .e.s.-s-t
HE says" replied the boy,
h"Be just and fear not;
Let all the ends thou aim'st at be thy
rec country's,s EEraT
Thy Gods, and truths"
The boys end was no longer ad-
mired.