davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1867-02-27

ECCENTRIC DIVINE-Th Rev. Zeb Twit-
che was the most noted Methodist preacher
in Vermont for shrewd and laughable savings,
In the pulpit he maintained a suitable gravity
OF manner and expression, but out of the pui
PIT he overtlowed with fun. Occasionally he
would, ii emergency seemed to require, intro
duce something queer in a sermon for the sake
OF arouslng the tagging attention Of his hear
crs. Seeing that his audience was getting
sleepy, he paused in his discourse and discuss
ed as follows:
=, Brethren, you havn't any idea of the suf-
ierlngS OF our missionaries in the new settle
ment on account Of mosquitoes The mosoui-
toes IN some Of these regions are enormous
A great many Of them weigh a pound, and
they will get on logs and bark when missiona-
rles are going along
BY this time all eyes and ears were omen.
and he proceeded to finish his discourse
The next day one of his hearers called him
to account for telling lies in the pulpit
There never was a mosquito that weighed
a pound, he said
But didn, say one of them would weigh
a pound; | said great many, and | think a
million of them would.
. But you said they barked at the mission
aries " 1-''''ON'
"NO, no, brother; 1 said they would get on
logs and bark
Smyrna times., 1867-02-27

The yacht>skirt" is the newest new thug
Smyrna times., 1867-02-27


JOSH BILLINGS EssA ON SwISE-Hoo0
generally are quadriped.
Inc extreme length Ov their antiquity has
Deen fully discovered, they existed long time
before the Hood, and have existed long time
since. 'O1s 'iu4S
Ihare is a CRATE deal ov internal reyepue
IN hog thare amt much more waste in them
than there is in an oyster. '''0---'
sells. Op ''''0 "A'0'
them "UonBS'
Some are close corporation breed. and sum
are G,,i built more apart, like hemlock Slab,
lhey used to have breed in New England
lew years ago, which they called the strinaj
hos breed, This breed waz in high repute
among the landlords, almost every tavern keen.
er had one, which ne used tew show tew tr,v-
ellerS and brag on him.
Sum are tull in the face like q town.clock
anu sum are az long and lean az a cOW-catcher
with steel-plnted nose on EN-.
They kan awl root well a hog that kant ruto
well haz been made III vain
There are 4 short lived animal and penaral-
ly die az soon az they git fat.
The hog can be larnt crate menDy CUNNING
things such as highSting the front cate off
from the hinges, tipping over the swill bar
rels, and tndlng hole in the fence to Git into
a corntIeld, but thare amt emmy length to their
memory 1t IL awful hard work for them tew
ma the same hoal to git out at, espeshally if
yu are at all anxious thay shOod
IoSS are very kontrary, and seldom drive
wen the same way you are going they drive
1he most the other way, this haz never been
.ully explained, but speaks volumes t,.r tho
hogs. " '''O
Smyrna times., 1867-02-27

Chicago talks of bridging Lake Michigan.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-02-01
PRICE FIVE CENTS.
STORIES ABouf PARRoTs.

AS our young readers well know, the
parrot may be taught to repeat many
words. It is generally supposed that
they attach no meaning to what they
say, but simply utter the sounds, as
they would any other notes. This may
be so, but some incidents seem to show
tliat they may sometimes know the use
of language. A lady friend of the Nrl-
ter occupied part of a house where was
kept very tdlkative pertbti One day
the lady came down stairs dressed in
short-gown and petticoat, the weather
being intensely warm, when the parrot
Immediately cried out, "What frjtk
you got on?" Ahbtliof friend relates
That parrot belonging to his landlady
one day annoyed her very much by its
continued talking and screeching. At
last she seized the stick with Whith She
had been stirring the clothes, and raised
it threateningly, when the bird immea
diately cried out, "you saucy thing, poll
Won't speak another word" and re-
inained silent almost the whole day!
A bird show was held at Tie Museum
in New York several years since, to
which parrot was sent that had been
taught to repeat the Lords Prayer.
This was advertised Extensively, and
hundreds of persons went to hear the
wonder, but to their disappointmeiity
and the veNatioii of the oWher, P6li
would not utter word during the eXs
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-02-01
POETRY.
THE KISS.

Here Is Il llooSicr poem ono which comes all
the way from the prairics Of the West written IN
one OF the LherdtcUTS of the Border; we remcm-
put his christian name upun record for iinmnrtnis
lty. His poem Is very much to the purpose and
Is conmcndnblc short, We do not remember to
nave seen the romance of "spariing" set forth
70 better advantage Or with greater skill and are
inclined to give him the true Oriental sniddn
- May he lvcathousnnd years, and may his sha-
dow never grow less"
Oh, kiss me and go, said the maid of my heart
Itnd proiirr'd her lips as my pay to depart
The morn is approaching, my mother will know
My klndcst, and dearest, oh, kiss i,tc and go!
She gave me the blessing In such n sweet way,
That the thrill Of Its pleasure intlced me to say,
So We kissed till the morning came IN with its glow
Fdf SHE said every moment, oh kiss me and 90!
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-02-01
TXCHANGE HOTEL,

III BLOOMSBUNG, UOLV MBIN
The undersigned having purchased this we'll
known and centrally located house, tho Exchange
Hotel, situate on MAIN STREET, in bloomsbury,
Immediately opposite the Columbia County Court
House, respectfully informs his friends ana lhe
public in general that his house Is now III oluer
for the reception and entertainment oi IaNei''rs
who may he disposed TO favor II with thrir GUS
tom, lie has spared no expense IN preparing the
Exchange for the cntcrtainnent Of his guests,
neither shall there bc anything wanting ION ms
part) to minister TO their personal comfort hi'
house is spacious, and enjoys an excellent busl
ncss location.
Omnlbusses run at nll times between the EN-
change Hotel and the Vario's railroad depots, by
which travellers will be pleasantly conveyed l'
and from the respective stations IN due time Il
meet the cars blIfN F, CASIOW.
BlaonishuTg, .TIoh q, 1876,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-02-01

WHY was the giant Goliah very much
when David hit him with
the stone? Such - thing never entered
his head before,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-02-01

PRENTICE says of negro equality
editor "who smelt rat" that if he did
and the rat smeIt him, the poor rat had
the worst of il,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-02-01

WASH TILE TEETH Al NiGHT.-A
few people who inherit good teeth, and
eare nothing for looks" neglect brush
ing their teeth; but none who study
cleanliness and sweet breath, or who
wish to preserve their teeth, good or
bad, rs long as possible, should neglect
to brush them one or more times day,
sith brush so stiff as to clean them
well, but not so hard as to Wound and
irritate the gums. They should be
brushed 10th night and morning, but
if only once, let ii be done the last thing
before retiring. Portions of food, sweet,
etc., left on or between the teeth during
the night, decay or acChfy, and corrode
the euerici, Ind thus gradually injure
them. If the cavities between and III
decaying teeth be thoroughly brushed
out with water Mt night, and when ris-
ing, it will add years to their effective
use and freedom from pain. Most of the
tooth powders sold contain an injurious
acid, which, though ii gives the teeth 4
clean, white surface, does it at the eX-
pense of some Of the natural surface.
4 little hard soap, pleasantly pegflmed,
is the best possible application. We
could not recommend even the finest
charcoal, or prepared chalk or clay, for
though inert, they wear upon the en-
amcl.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-02-01
SINGULAR CURE FOR LAzINESS.

A friend, whose name we are not at
liberty to give, but who is well and
widely known as a business man of
sterling worth, was last yedr executing
large building. One of his excellent
peculiarities is, to allow no intemper-
ance or profanity among his men, and
to insist that every man shall work for
the liberal pay he is Willing to give,
One day, this geiltlei1idh noticed that
one of the builders was continually
shirking, seeming to care only to pass
away the time and draw his pay. Call
ing his foreman, who had the hiring as
well as the overseeing of the meh, tiif
friend asked whether the lazy man had
been engaged for the season, or only for
short time. "For the season." was
the reply, "but l can discharge him,
suppose" "Oh! no." said Mr.. ,
"but l want you to go down to tile vii
lhEe hotel and eiigage the best ro6m
you can find; let this man g0there and
occupy il; every month send his bill to
me and l will pay it.' The foreman
informed the hired man of the instruc-
tions given, and he at once went to the
owner. 81 understand yOu arc not sat
isfed with my work." said he. "I filn
no fault with the work." wis the feply,
''but betattsa you don't work" 81 will
leave if you insist on it," said the man.
''Not at ALL don't turn you away,
but have given orders to have the best
room at the hotel put at your service;
since you want to play the gentleman
at my expense, and l promise you l
will pay the bill promptly every month,
hut 1 will not haVe your bad erd1iptd
among my men," The poor fellow, ut-
terly dumb-founded at such novel
treatment, scarcely knew how to reply,
but looked rs though he would like to
sink into theground. Finally, he asked,
"Are you willing to try me for Week. u
Certainly" said Mr.. --===, 81 am al
ways willing to help Il ntn who wants
to reform" The man returned to his
work, cured of his laziness, and from
that day forth, no more industrious
hand was to be found on the place,
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23

ly; "but ali? Hester, what will you say to
me this tIme?"< ~ .-H -r IL u
what does Milly say?"
"Milly! always Milly still but Hester, it is
for you to answer me first" he said, and
abruptly walking from his position on the
hearth, he came and sat down besid me.
HESTER must call you so-did your SIS
ter tell what | said to her Yesterday
'She let me infer it,"
"Inter, Fddledee! nothing like plain
speaking to express meaning he spoke out
rather impetuously. "But you are so cold, so
unlike your old self, Hester, that L could not
take it for an answer TO what lcame to ask.
Did Milly tell you that yesterday-for | have
grown 20 love the little girl dearly FL ester!
Hester! what have said? What is the mat
ter?" 'eH
hated, despised myself for the weakness,
but the mortal struggle of yesterday was
not done yet. l could not hear this man
whom had loved 50 long, SO deeply, avow
to my face his transferred affections to my
sister, and be unmoved. Inyoluntarily L
grasped the arm OF the chair for support, for
my life seemed fading from me in the struggle,
He bent over me, he lifted my faint head on
his broad breast, but l shrank from bin teebly.
st is nothing, l am often faint. L am
quite well again. You were sayinS---yes, go
on Mr.. Sutherland"
81 was saving alb, Hester---I think need
NOT 20 on---yoa are so changed, dear, look
ing down az me with sorrowtul perplexity.
| "WeII. well, Milly led me on to hope ;but
ouobt 10 have known better You never
cared for me in the beginning as l did fer
YOU"
bycone, now'I cried, bitterly. ltl
Ifyou say thai, it ought indeed" he answer
ed. turning from me; "but told you then,
Hester that L should not forget you, and
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
PORTLAND & aENAEDcc A. r.
WINTER ARRANGEMENT,

lss.,4fy q Passenger Trains leave Portland daily
ets3--Ts:s. at loo T. NJ, Tor Bath, Augusta, Wat
erVille, hcndaiFs AilS SkoW hogan, and Intermediate
stations, connecting at Brunswick with AnoToscog-
gln Ii. r., for Lewiston and Pennington, and at
kendalPs Mills with Maine Central H.h. Ion Bangor
and Nernediae stations. fareS dSto,c By is route
as any other
Leave Portland tor Bath, Lewiston, Augusta and
intermediate stations Saturday only at 7.45 4. VI
MIXED Train leaves Portland for brunswick andi n-
ternedlate stations daily, except Saturday. at $50 T..
NJ.
Freight Train, with passenger car attached, will
leave Portland Tor Skowbegan and int mediate sta
tons every morning at7 O'Clock.
Trains from brunswick and Lewiston are due at
Portland at go NJ, and from SkOwhegan and
Farmington and all intermediate stations at 200 r.
NJ. to C0nn2el with trains for Boston.
Stages ior ROcklaud connect at Bath; and Ter Bel
last aC Augusta, leaving daily arrival OF train from
Boston, leaving att 30 A. NJ; and Tor SolOn Anson
Norrldg ewbek, Athens and Moose Head Lake at
SkOw hogan, and Tor China, East and North NasSal-
b0ro' at Naesalboro'; fOr Unity at kendalrs NILS
and for Canaan at PshOns Ferry.
W BATCH, Superintendent.
Augusta, Oct. %, iSGG. noyt2ln
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
PORT LAND& ROCHESTERR.
WINTER ARRANGEMENT.

r-vz-zstsszl Onand after Monday, Dec. II, 1866,
ssAs~-3St5 trains will run as follows:
Passenger trains leave SacO River for Portland at
$40 and 300 A. NJ, and $40 z. M. Leave Portland
Tor Saco River T.f5 A. M, 20 and 90 4. NJ
Freight trains with assenger car attached will
leave Saco River for Portland. $50 A. NJ Leave
Portland Tor SacO River Els Il. M.
sG- Stages connect at Gorham Tor West GorhaIa,
staGdsh, Steep Falls, Baldwin, Denmark, SebagO,
Bridston, Lowell Hiram, Brownheld, Fryeours,
VonTay, Bartlett, jackson Liminston Cornish ,Por'
ter, Freedom Madison, and Eaton N. II.
At Buxton Center for West Buxton, BOnny -Ea glo,
south Liinington. Huntington, Limerick, Newfeld,
ParsOnsIeld aud 05sipee
AtSaoearappa iOr south NindhaLl, Hindham Kill
and North NindhaLa, daily.
by order OF the President
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
Middle-Ayet Men.

There are many men OF the age of thirty who are
troubled with too frequent excavations from the bad-
der, often accompanied by slight smarting burn
ing sensation, and weakening the system in man
ner the patient cannot account for On examining
the urinary deposits ropy sediment will often he
found, and sometimes small particles of semen al
bunen will appear, the color will be of thin milk
ish hue, again changing to dark and uTbid appear
ance There are many men who die of this difficulty
ignorant OF the cause which is the
SECOND STAGE OF SEMINAL WEAKNESS.
can warrant perfect cure in such eases, and
tu! and healthy restoration of the urinary organs.
PERSONS who cannot personally consult the Dr..
can do SO by writing, in plain manner, descrip-
ton OF their diseases, and the appropriate remedies
will be forwarded Immediately
All correspondence strictly confidential, and will
be returned, il desired. n.tr,-tt
Address: DIR. D. b. HUGHES.
~ 30 ada III -- No. II Preble Street.
Next door to the Preble House, Portland, Me.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
PORTLAND AND NEW YORK
STEAMSHIP COMPANY.
EIsE-W EKEY LINE.

The splendid and fast Steam
@-sS~~~M ships DIE1GO, Capt. III. SuFI-
Il, linn woop, and FRANCoElA, Capt.
Darn Z sa2as w. w. SHERWOOD, viii, until
"-ar--l@zs'.7-zssS further notice, run follows:
Leave BROW 5 Wharf, Portland, every WEDNES-
DA NJ ana 1 SA1l kl1A1 at T. NJ, and leave Pier
SATURDAY, at o'clock p. NJ gnu
These vessels are fitted up with tine accommod,-
lions for passengers, making this the most snecdv
safe and comfortable rou,e Tor travellers between
NeW oIh ana Muhe. Passage, in State Room,
so,uy ANN passage S5'O0. Meals extra
t r. Quebec Bangor Bath, Augusta, Easportand
l2u,lpers are requested to send their freight TO the
leave Portland. W. Wv NY
TOT Lclght or passage apply 10
EMERY 4 FOX, Browns Wharf, Portland.
>; f. AMES, Pier 80 East River.
May -, 1855 ttf
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
How Many Thoara nds Gan Testify to This

Young men troubled with emissions in sleep-a
complaint generally the result OF a bad habit in
youth,-treated scientifically and perfect war
ranted or charge made.
Hardly day passes but we are consulted by one OF
more young men with the above disease, some OF
whom are as weak and emaciatcd as though they had
the consumption, and by their friends supposed to
have it, All sucicases yield TO the proper and only
correct course of treatment, and in short time are
made to rejoice in perfect health.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23

Every intelligent and thinking person must know
hat remedies handed out for general use should have
heir efficacy established by well tested experience in
the hands of regularly educated physician, whose
fulfill yet the country is flooded with poor nosrums
and cureralls, purporng TO be the best in the world
which are not only useless, but always Injurious.
The unfortunate should he PARTICULAR in selecting
his physician as it is lacntable yet incOnroverti-
BILE fact, that many syphilitic patients made mis-
cradle with ruined constitutions by maltreatnent
from inexperienced physicians in general practice TOR
tsa point generally conceded by the hest svphilogra
pliers, that the study mc management of these come
plants should engross the whole time OF those who
would he competent and successful in their treat
ment and cure. The inexperienced general practi-
toner, having neither opportunity nor time to max
himself acquainted with their pathology, commonly
pursues one system OF treatment, in most eases max
ing an indiscrminate of that antiquaed and dan
gerous weapon, the Mercury.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
MEMORRHAGE.

Rev. William Leavtt, brother Of Mrs. Hill, having
heard of his sisters recovery, applied to DR.. Morse
His disease was Hemorrbage of the Lungs, which
caused great debility. He obliged to relnquish
preaching, and entertained doubts about being
able to resume his vocation. He placed himself I'M
der the care Of DIR. Morse, and in few months was
restored to health through the medium of Inhala-
ton, and is at present preaching to the people OF
West Buxton. .
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
HENIORRHAGE,

MIR. Isaac L. Barnes, of Brunswick, OF this State.
troubled with Hemorrhage of the Lungs, and 9TH
erwse affected in 1862, had lost thirty pounds Of
esh was troubled with papitation of the heart bed
one pint day for six days in succession reduced
very weak. Mr.. Barnes fully restored to health
by the use of DIR. Morses Inhaling Remedies. Still
enjoys good health
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
Have Confidence.

All who have committed an excess of any kind
whether 1t be the solitary vice OF youth, the sting
ing rebuke of misplaced confidence in mltuTer years,
"a, SEEK FOR AN ANTIDoTE IN SEASON.
Inc rams and Aches and Lassitule and Nervous
Irostfa,lon that may follow Impure COTTON,
are inc Barometer TO the whole system. .
10 not wait Tor the contamination that is sure to fol-
low; 10 not wait for Unsightly Ulcers, for
20 n Disabled Limbs, for Loss of Beauty
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
Astonishing Curative Powers OF
Cold Medicated Inhalation,
AS PRACTICED BY t7f
ID r.. M o IL . E.


AS have in my proceeding letters fully describ-
ed the symptoms and pathology of Catarrh, and the
various diseases of the air passages and pointed out
their important relation to consumption and other
diseases the chest shall in the present instance
content myselfby furnishing the following strong
proofs Of their durability.
TO show the permanency of cures effected by In
halationI will here refer to persons living in the
enjoyment of good health, whose cases were pro-
nOunced hopeless and incurable some years SINCE
and were cured by DIR. Morse's Remedies, mostly
through the medium of Inhalation. Hundreds of
other similar cases might be mentioned
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23

Electic Medical I,ui1ma1'y,
TO THE LADIES.
DIR. HUGHES particularly invites all Ladies, who
need medical adviser call at his rooms. No. II
Prebe Street. which they will find arranged for their
especial accommodation.
DIR. ii. S Eclectic Renovating Medicines are unrival
led in efficacy and superior virtue in regulating all
Female Irregularities. Their action is specific and
certain OF producing relief in short time.
LADIES will find it invaluable in all cases of Oh
structiOns after all other remedies have been tried in
vain. 1t Is purely vegetable, containing nothing IN
the least injurious to the health, and may be takeI
with perfect safety at all times
Sent to any part OF the country, with full directions
by addressing DIR. HUGHES
No IA Preble Street, Portland
N. B-Ladies desiring may consult one of their
own sex. lady of experience in constant attend
ance. ianl .1S6Jd&w.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
MEDICAL.
DIR. j. Ii. HUGHES
oANBB FOUND ATHIs
PRIVATE MEDICAL ROOMS,
No. Ii P,.ey,ye CS,oef

.Ir. Near the Prebie House,
w HEhE he can be consulted privately, and with
bonrs 1 i utmost confidence by The afflicted at
Dr. Fl '' aS,I anu from A. NJ. to or, ~
af;ction or sses Those who are suffering under the
;n,nure thate diseases, whether arising from
; uo ~ or the terrible vice OF selIabus
Devonng ms entire time to that partcniar branch ~
the meolcai profession, he feels Warranted in Dr. %
ANTEEING CURE IN ALL CASKS, wbetbsr az ia,,.,
standing or recently contracted, entirely III
dregs OF disease from the system, and making rcr'
feet and PERMANENT CURE. 'e I" UT
He would call the attention of the afflicted IN ~.
fact of his standing and well-earnsd reputaion
furnishing sufficient assurance OF his skill and sue
cess, .......
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-03-23
CONSUMPTION.

Mrs. Sophia A. Fittz, formerly OF Bath, a res
ident of Oak Hill, Brunswick, of this State, was re-
ducedt to very low state by sickness in 1862 1t was
manifest that her lungs laboring under tu-
berculous liberation which fast Wasting her life
away. Her physician thought the structure of her left
lung was almost destroyed. Her case considered
hopeless and incurabe by all of her friends and ply
scian She was placed under the care of Dr. Morse
of Portland, by whom perfect cure was effected,
mostly through the medium of Inhalation. Mrs. f.
has enjoyed better health since than ever before. b