Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-10-16
Jim woir and the Tom.Cats.

Herc IL one OF Mark Twain good stories
he knows how to make the reader laugh,
and If the following docs not provoke o
smile, 1t is because there is no mirtb in man.
Q kind during the hot weather:
l knew by tho sympathetic glow upon bs
bald head knew by the thoughtful look
; upon his FACET knew by the emotion fusb
, upon the strawberry point of the old free
! liver's nose, that Simon Wheeler's memory
was busy with the olden time. And SO |
prepared to leave, because all there were
symptoms Of "reminiscences that he
was going to be delivered Of another of his
tiresomc personal experience but l was too
slow; he got the start Of me. As near as
can recollcct, the infection was couched in
the following language:
I'VE were all boys then, and didn't have
no troubles, and didn't worry about nothing
only how to shirk school and keep up re-.
vivin' state of devilment all the time. This
var Jim Wolff was talking about, was
the prentice, and he was the best hearted
feller, he was, and the most forgiven and
unsc'tish ever see-well, there couldn't be
a more buller boy than what he was, take
him how you would; and sorry enough 1
was when l saw him for the last time.
Me and Henry was always pestering him
and plastcring hoss.bills on his back and
putting humble bees in his bed, aud so on,
and sometimes we'd crowd in and bunk with
him notwithstanding his growing, and then
we'd let on to get mad and fight across him,
so as to keep him stirred up like. lie was
nineteen, he was, and long and lank, and
bashfhl, and we were fifteen and sixteen and
tolelably lazy and worthless.
$50, that night you know, that my sister
Mary gave tho candy-pullin, tha started us
off to bed early, SO as the comp'ny could
cave full swing, and we run in on Jim to
have some fun.
"Our window looked onto the roof of the
ell, and about ten O'Clock a couple of old
tom cats got to rairin' and chargin' around
on it and carryin' on like sin. There was
four inches Of snow on the roof, and it was
frozen so that there was right smart crust
OF ice on it and the moon wasshining bright,
and we could see them cats like daylight.
First, they'd stand off and e-yow-yow-yow,
just the same as if they was a cussin one
another, you know, and bow up their backs
and push up their tails, and swell around
and spit, and then all of sudden the gray
cat he d snatch handful of fur out of the
yaller cats ham, and spin her around, Ikea
button on barn door. But the yaller cat
was game, and he'd come in and clinch, and
the way they'd gouge, and bite, and howl,
and they'd make the fur fly was powerful.
"Well, Jim he got disguised with the
row, and lowed he'd climb out and shake
them of n that roof. He hadn't really no
notion Of doing it, likely, but We ever
lastinly dogged him, and bullyragged him,
and allowed he'd always Dragged how he
wouldn't take dare, and so on, till bicmby
he histed up the winder, and 10 and behold
you, he wcnt-went exactly as he was
nothing on but shirt and it was short
But you ought to have seen him! You
ought to see creepin' over the ice, and digin
his toe nails aud finger nails in for to keep
from slippin; and above all. you ought to
see that shirt aappin'in the wind and them
long, ridiculous Of his'n a glistnin' in the
moonlight.
'Thcm comp'ny folks was down there
under the ewes, the whole svuad Of 'em
under that ornery shed of old dead Wash.
ton Bower vines-all settin' around about
two dozen sassers Of hot candy, which they
had sot in the snow to COOL And they was
laughin and talkin' lively, but bless you.
they didn't know nothin al out the panorama
that was going on over their heads. Well,
Jim he went asneakin and sncakin up, un-
beknowns to them tom-cats they was
swishcn theft tails and yow-yowin' and
threatoniu to clinch, you know, and not pay
in any attention-he went sneakin' right |
up to the comb of the roof till he was in q |
foot and half of 'em, and then all Of a sud-
den he made grab for the yaler cat But
by gosh he missed fire and slpt his holt,
and his heels few up and he Aopped on his
back and shot off that roof like dart went
smrshin' and crashin' down through them
old rusty vines and landed right in the dead
centre Of all them company people sot
down like an yearth-quake in them two doz-
en- sassers Of red hot candy and let off
howl that was hark from the tomb! Them
girls well they left, you know. They see
he warn't dressed for company and SO they
left. All done in second; it was just one
little war-whoop, and wish Of their dresses,
and blame wench Of EN- was in sight any
whers!
"Jim he was sight. He was covered
with that bilin' hot molasses candy clean
down to his heels, and had more busted sas-
sers hangin' to him than if he was injun
princes-and he come prancin' up stairs
Just whoopin' and cussin', and every
squirm he fetched he dripped some can
"And blistered! Why bless your soul,
that poor critler couldn't RELY set down
c0n,f0rtablv for M n,,,ch ma fn,,r weeks ~