Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1867-10-10
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


Time is money; of course, or how |
could you "spend an evening ?"
Do you know what charity is? For
give if you bear i'll will, and pay what
you owe.
A business man can go along with |
out advertising 50 can u wagon with
out greasing, but it goes hard.
An inveterate old bachelor says that
ships are called nshe" because they
always keep fellow on the lookout.
DR. Mudd is acting as Post Surgeon
in the Dry Tortugas-curing his Jail
ors of the Yellow Fever Forgiving
man
There is good reason why little
man should never marry a bouncing
widow. He mightbe called "the wid-
ow'e mite"
"Why is young lady Just from
boarding school like building COM
mittee? Because she is always ready
to receive proposals.
GENT-'Confound the hair oil-how
il sticks. Wife-"Oh Harry that is
not the hair oil {; it must be the baby's
soothing syrup"
One man asked another why his
board was brown and bis hair so whiteY
Because, "he said, one is twenty ears
younger than the other"
A suit ispendingin Missouri brought
by lobby agent against member
of the Legislature for neglecting bus
mess for which he was paid $1,000.
Mrs. Mary Huskins, now residing
in Camden township, Lorain comfy,
Ohio, was one hundred and eight
years of age on the fifteenth Of July.
Wear your learning, like your watch,
in private pocket, and don't pull it
out TO show that you have one; but
if you are asked what time it is, tell il
Here is an amended quotation, by
a married man who has been waitin g
for his wife "to put her things on:"
Hope springs eternal in the husbands breast;
Wives never are. but always to be dress'd.
1t is said that there is a man in New
York who can paint a piece of wood
so much like marble, that, on being
placed in water, it will Immediately
sink.
1t is reported that since Stanton
left the War Department, a civil
answer TO civil question can be
obtained there-which is a wonderful
change.
John B. Cough is to receive sl2 900
for orspeaking on temperance in Chicago
during the coming winter John is
like many Others, temperate as long as
it pays.
There is young lady in this place
whose lips resemble peach blossoms
so much, that she has to keen veil
tied tight over her face to keep bees
ont Of her mouth.
The Boston Post says a lady passed
through that city the other day for the
mountains, with sixteen trunks, four
poodles, three maid servants, an Irish
man aud a husband.
Why does water boil sooner in an
old sance pan than new one Punch
takes it upon himself to answer this
abstruse query 10y saying, "it's because
the old pans used to il. +"
An American lawyer engaged in a
case tormented a witness so much with
questions that the poor fellow at last
cried out for water. There" said
the Judge, 81 thought you'd pump
him dry"
Some thieves broke into the resi-
dence Of Simon Cameron at Harris
burg, a few days ago, and carried off
portion Of his silver-ware They had
evidently forgotten the old maxim,
"Honor" &c.
"My friend" said one gentleman to
another, al see your hair is getting
quite gray" "Yes," answered he,
"old Father Time has been sweeping
up the years around me, and the dust
has settled on my head
The question why printers do not
succeed so well as brewers was thus
answered "Because printers work
for the head and brewers for the
stomach and where twenty men
have stomachs but one has brains"
A conductor of newspaper, speak
ing OF cotemporary, says "Ho was
formerly a member OF Congress, but
rapidly rose till he obtained respect
able position as an editor--a noble ex-
ample of perseverance under depress-
ing circumstances"
A clergyman on the Dubuque rail
road accidently sat down on a large
basket of eggs to the great injury Of |
the fruit" and his nice clothes. A
brakeman scraped him down with the
stove-hearth, but the beauty of his at.
tire and his dignity were temporarily |
spoiled.
a young lady school teacher OF In
dianapolis, last Sunday, endeavVred
to impress upon her scholars the ter.
rible effects of the punishment of Neb- |
uohadnozzar. She told them that for
seven years he ate grass like COW.
just then small boy asked "Did be
give milk p
The New Jersey consolidated rail-
road company intend running line
Of through cars direct from New York
to Cincinnati, via Philadelphia and
Pittsburg, via the Pan Handle route.
The route is one hundred miles short
er than any other through line 1t
will leave New York every afternoon