Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18
Adyertisers by thc year will Dc to their Legitimate business.
SALMAGUNDI.

psS haiiway jams are anything but preserves.
 nsr Whatis better than a promising young man? A Apaying one.
 BSy-Niglt threw her mantle OCT the world and pinn'd it with star. Tasty, wasn't she?
 E1rA lazy fellow, lying down on the grass, said: "Oh, how I do wish this was called work, and was well paid for"
 nsy- When Sheridan kept school, he had in ono of his classes boy who al- ways read 'spartridgesr for patriarchs. E'Stop sirf exclaimed the wag of teacher, you shall not makc gameo of the patriarchs P
 D15~ Some of the girls have remon- :. stfatcd against patent being used for fastening buttons on clothes bya screw, declaring that if the men can put their own buttons on in that way, they will never get married.
 Bsg~A lady faintcd few days since in the cars. ? X medical gentlemen pres ent, who went toher relief, exclaimed: H"IIas any gentlemen flask of whisky or brandy?v Over thirty pocket pis-- tols flashed in the nir at once.
 D<E- An ugly lawyer, while cxamin- ing q young lady witness, in court, en- deavored to perplcx her, by saying: Upon my word, you arc very pretty.v The young lady promptly replied T would return the compliment, but I'm on oath"
 IGA handsome young bride was observed to be in deep reelection on her wedding day. One of her bridesmaids asked the subject of her meditation.- Fl was thinking she replied, s.which of my old beaux l should marry, if I should bccomesa widow" vss
 Rs X mayor of village in France, had occasion to give q passport to dis tinguishcd parsonage in his ncighbor- hood who was blind of an eye. Fear f,il of offending the good man, he adopted the following ingenious expe- dient of avoiding the mention of his tlcforlnity: "Islack eyes, one of which is absent.1
 aeS-In q parish school tho master was examining class in orthography.- Spell and define fowcrct,' said hc' '"F O CT ct, fioweret, little flow CT" ssWavclet." "Wavelct, wave let, little wave" 'sBullet.' "B ul let. little bull,. shouted urclin No. three.
 Esg-Thc rcd mans answer to the bigot was good 'un: .sWhy do you not come to tho house of God on the Sabbath and hear me preach? said he once to a "pcrvcrtcd" Indian.'
 "Ughw replied the savage, "mc goin the woods, Sunday; Cop PREACH TuERRlv
 rzs-Praisc your wife, man, for pity sake give her little cncouragement,i won't hurt her. She has made your home comfortable, your heart bright and shining, your food agreeable; for pity sake, tell her that you thank her, if nothing more. She don't expect it; it will make her eyes open wider than they have this ten years, but it will do her good for all that, and you too.
 e@~Pcoplc often speak of a trillion as Ia possible number. The fact is that not trillion of seconds has elapsed since the creation of Adam! nor will that number have elapsed until Fcbru- ary lst, in the year of our lord 25,S25! for in a trillion of seconds there are |3l ,6s7 years, 5 days, hour, 46 minutes and 10 seconds.
 gzlS-sI wish I was ghost-blamcd if II don't" soliloquized q loafer. the other night. .Thcy goes just where they're a mind to, toll free they don't owe mo- body nothing they never buys clothes and wittles, nor has to saw wood and run arrants, as do. Their shirts don't never git dirty, nor their trowsers out at the knees, as ever heard tell of, and blamed if don't wish was one"
 EsS~ Napoleon, Arkansas, is rcspon- sible for the following anecdote of D Texas soldier:
 While trudging along one day all alone, Il soldier met Methodist circuit rider and at once recognized him as such. but affected ignorance of it.
 Prcachcr.--.WLat command do you
 
 belong to? 2"
 Soldier.--"I belong to tho ---th Texas regiment, Van Dorn's army. What army dc you belong to? P
 Preacher.-(y Very solemnly, )-"I be- long to the army of the Lordr'
 Soidier.-ssW my friend, you've got 2 very long way from Head Quar- tersr
 A NoBLE SENTIMgNT.--Some true heart has given expression to it's gen. erous nature in the following beautiful sentiment:
 "Never desert friend when enemies gather round him. When sickness falls on the heart when inc world is dark and chcerless, is the time to try true friend, They whoNtmn from scene of distress betray their hypocrisy and prove that interest moves them. Ifsyou have friend who loves you, be sure to sustain him in adyersify.- Let him feel that his former kindness is appreciated, and that his love is not thrown away. Real fdelity may be- rare but if exists in the hearf a.-NEhn