The Charleston daily news. [volume] (Charleston, S.C.) 1865-1873, 1867-04-04
.E OFFICERS AND sALARrE

State Miliner. ,OOO
You know what state of anarchy and
social chaos that fee bill would create.
Every woman in the Commonwealth Of
Missouri would let 60 everything to run for
State Miliner. And instead of yentilating
each others political antecedents, as men
do, they would 60 straight after each 9TH
er's private moral character. q know
them-they are all like my wife Besrs::. :.
the canvass was three daH oiu !, !. y
would be an established pro- 0slsloh n Ina. ina.
every woman in the stats1t atsn1v think ink how es1it It
would lacerate meI have an opposition
aaad;dote ] .-Sabout my wife. That is
..,e1ass; ) % Enow-having other people to
say these hard things. Now, I know that
my wife isn't any better than she ought to
be, poor devil-in: fact, in, matters Of ortho-
dox doctrine, she is particularly shaky-
but still I would not Like these things aired
in q political contest. j don't really sup
pose that that woman will stand any more
show hereafter than; however she may i'm
prove; may even become beacon Light for
Che saving Of, others-but if she does, she
will burn rather dim, and she will flicker a
good deal, too. But, as was saying, fe-
male political canvass would be an outrage
ous thing.
Think of the torch-light professions that
would distress our eyes. Think of the Gu
rious legends on the transparencies
C Robbins forever! Vote for Sallie Rob-
bins, the only virtuous candidate in the
6eldp
And, this:
Chastity, modesty, patriotism! Let the
great people stand by Maria Saunders, the
champion Of morality and progress, and
the only candidate with a stainless reputa-.
tionp 1r,
And this, vote for Judy McGinnis, the
incorruptible! Nine children-one at the
breast p
In that day man shall say to his ser
want, hat is the matter with the baby ?"
And the servant shall reply, cit has been
sick for hours9 "And where isits mother?"
"She IS out electioneering for Sallie Rob
bins" And such conversations as these
shall transpire between ladies and servants
applying for situations "Can you cook?"'
e" anWash2 p eyes" "Do general
Homework ?' eyes" Cali right; who
is your7choice for State milliner 2" aJudy
McGnniss. " "W Il you can tramp" And
women shall talk politics instead Of discuss
ing the fashions; and they shall neglect the
duties Of the household to go out and take
a drink with candidates; and men shall
nurse the baby while their wives travel to
the polls to vote. And also in that day the
man who hath beautiful whiskers shall beat
the homely man of wisdom for Governor,
and the youth who waltzes with exquisite
grace shall be chief of police in preference
to the man of practiced sagacity and deter
mined energy. ..
Every man. I take it, has selfish end in
view when he pours out eloquence in be-
half of the public good in the newspapers,
and such is the case with me. do not
want the privileges of women extended, be-
cause my wife already holds Office in nine
teen different internal female associations
and I have to do all her clerking. IF you
give the women full sweep with the men in
political affairs, she will proceed to run for
every confounded office under the new
dispensation. That will finish me.
1t is bound to finish me. She
would not have time to do anything at all
then, and the one solitary thing I have
shirked up to the present time would fall
on me, and my family would go to destruc-
ton; tor . am not qualified for wet
nurse. MARK TWAIN.