Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1867-01-05
MISCELLANEOUS.
LOVE WITHOUT NoNsENEsE.
Not n Hsit like ~ NOveI-A Capital
take offon the Modern High Pres
sure style Of Doing IL.


Once upon time there was fair young
maiden whose name was Mary, although
they called her Moll for short. She wasn't a
tall, dark-eyed maiden, with clear transpa.
rent skin, and lips like cherries and checks
suffused with bushes. She didn't have
glossy black hair, sweeping back in wavy
tresses on her queenly brow, and her form
wasn't bit like nebes. No, there was
none of those things-on the contrary, she
was short and thin, and had red hair and
freckles, and she also sported snaggle teeth
and wore pads, but still she was right
rice girl, and there was young man who
fell in love with her, and his name was Bill,
although his friends called him William
when they wanted to hurt his feelings, for
he didn't like it much lie wasn't fine
looking, and had neither curly hair or
moustache. Not much. Bill laid himself
out on soap locks and wore goatee that he
had dyed twice week.
Now this Bill, he was in love with Mary,
but did he go and make deliberate ass of
himself3 Did ne, l say, go into a grove
with her, and in the soft moonlight, by the
streamet that murmured sweetly by, and
with the tender zephyrs signing through
the foliage, fall down on his knees, seize her
jeweled hand and breathe his deep affection
in the tender accents of fond attachment,
and swear "by yon bright orb above us,
always to be thine ;" Did he, say2 You
can just say he didn't. You can lay out
your revenue safely on that. William knew
too much about the price of pants to go
Hopping around on the wet grass with his
good clothes on; besides, he never cared
anything about streamlets or any kind Of
cold water, except to mix with his gin
No, sir it was exceedingly strange, but this
infatuated William met her at the alley
gate and he stood right up on his old legs
and says, "Say, Mol, old gal, s'pose an we
get hitched ?"
But how did Mary behave Did she go to
dropping to sleep over on the bricks in a
dead faint. or did she hide her gentle Lead
on his shirt bosom to conceal her bushes 2
No, she didn't, and she didn't say, 81 am
ever thine my own love, dear William !"
Oh, my, no. She looked right in his yellow
eye and says, "I'm in, Billy I'm the gal for
these sort of things. Go in - And instead
of referring him to her father, she only said,
won't the old man burst right out when
you tell him IIa! ha ~ and she laughed.
But she didn't ask William to try to molify
her fond father. No, no. She very wicked
| ly advised him to polk the old man in the
! nose if he gave him any of his lip" She
was funny girl, this Mary.
| Now, the old man wasn't wealthy, for he
sold soap-fat for living, and so he didn't
| think Bill was nosing around after his
stamps; SO when Bill asked him, he neither
ordered him ticrcely away, nor did the dewy
moisture gather in his eagle eye as he passed
his hemstitched up there and said: "Bless
you, my children, bless you !" Oh, no
nothing of the sort. He just blew his OLD
red nose on his badana and told Bill to take
! her along, for he was glad to get rid of her
and William would be the same way mighty
soon, for she was awful rough on victuals
and always broke plates when she got mad
So you see, there really was no necessity fo
William to come at nidnights solemn hour
in cab and throw rope ladder up to he
window, and whistle three times on his fin
gers, and then go up, hand over hand, anC
bring her down, in one hand and her trunl
in the other, and band box and umbrella
under each arm, and whole lot of bundles
and then get in the cab and fly to some dis
tant shore. That's the way it would hav
been novel; but Bill said he wasn't on tn
; lay, so he just went in the yard, and out o
pure JOY, he skinned the cat three or fou
times on the grape vine aIbor, and thel
went and got his butchers cart, and drov
Mary right down to the magistrate, to ge
the job done for 4 quarter-for he said h
was some on the low price, he was.
But the very queerest thing of all was
that Bill had no tall, dark, ruffianly riya
,, with scowling visage and black whiskeri
who flew at him with drawn dagger AM
horse pistol in each hand, and a muttere
curse upon his lips, and cried wildly fc
| T., l,.i al,
and civilian, thou dicst 2" Not any. TheI
was another fellow in love with Mollie, t
be sure, but he was weak-eyed young MAJ
who had sandy hair, and wore spectacle
and choker collar, and always looked scare
when you hollored at him. So, when h
saw that Bill had the best of the girls a
fection, he looked all serene and said, &c
in, Bill, if you banker for her :" and as Bi
was a trifle on the banker, he sailed rigl
! in.
So William, you see, had no trouble at a
and you couldn't get up an agonizin
a novel about him if you tried. He didn
}, have any urgent business that called him
: a .oreign land, and so he had TO bid her
fond goodbye, and swear always to be tru
and then go away and forget her, and fa
in love with dark.eyed Italian girl, pickiH
grapes in vineyard, with square tow
folded on her head, while his forgotten an
o forsaken Mary gradually faded and pine
away, and baffled the physicians skill, an
L grew paler, and at last, when the JuI
roses were in bloom, lying gently down
die, while through the open window foatt
in the balmy odor of the jassamine al
honeysuckle. And William didn't con
home at last, and, filed with deathless I
morse, go daily to the sweet cemetery al
strew flowers on her grave, and teach /
children to lisp her name. Not at all. TIL
I'd is the way Mrs. 4. ID. +. N. Southwor
en- would have done it, but she was not aroun
Billy was butcher who wore white sh
and shiny hat and he staid at home al
a. killed beef and sold it at a big price, and
lss ls stuck to Mary, and she kept healthy, Al
at wasn't much on the pine, or the fade, VIII
if any fellow got to lurking around, w
rs. liam went right out and batted him on
ess eye. He did.
Il. And then at last, when all was over, Ms
Is, didn't sit in the room while they dress
her all in white, and mixed orange blosso
in her waterfall, and then go gently do
stairs with six bridesmaids at her heels, a
stand up with her William, and weep gen
while she was being married by the min
ter, and then get lots of presents, and go
rt a new home, aud live through all the hap