The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1867-02-11
Cheap Counsel for the Governor
Practical suggestiens from Uncle

RADICAL DEPOT, w. Va, Jan 25.
Editor of the Register:
And so, Arth., you've said your piece,
and the funny chaps playing Legisla-
ture at Wheeling have clapped their
hands and shouted, "Bully Boy~
But amt you glad, Gov, the Lord
gave you two good eyes, if He did stint
you little in the region back of them,
(no offence, Cow so You can keep one
on your party and one on yourself, Sc
curing permanency and profit to your
"biz,"
know you make your ribs rattle ev-
cry night, laughing over your good luck.
Well, s'pose it's better to be born lucky
than sensible.
Now, Arth., just between you and NE,
let's talk little about that last "piece."
guess you call 'em messages while
you're playing Governor, but we always
used to call it Saying our pieces at
school. Does it hurt you much to get
'em Off know it don't though. They
come from you Us natural as a ripe egg
from fat hen, for you told tib in the
first sentence. You Oughtn't to tell fibs,
Gov. 1t isn't right. You said the earth
had yielded plentiful harvests, when
YOU knew we had no wheat to harvest,
and, besides, our potatoes all rotted.
Did it never occur to you that the Lord
NAV be feeding the State this year on
corn dodgers to wear her radical stomach
little tender toward pleading pris-
oner, seeing her heart can't be touched'
But then reckon you never get hungry
enough to think of such things.
There's a bad set O. boys down i'll the
Ninth District, amt they. / don't
blame you for pitching into them.
Give 'em the devil, Arth., that's your
forte.
They don't like the registration laws,
the good-for-nothing scamps! sugared
over with mercy, too, as you always
sweeten things. Oh, Arth! you always
was a sweet one. I've heard the girls
say it. And you say some nasty, stink-
ing Conservatives are actually playing
squire down there without taking the
last bag of oaths you sent 'em. Now,
"honest john" Arth, amt you lying
about thati You amt Well, I'll tell
YOU what I'd do would by Hickey
I'D see that little Greenbrier chap,
brother Bill, that Farnsworth boy, and
some more of them saucy lads that have
the devil in them the biggest, and I'd
have 'em make whole car loads of the
very cussedest oaths they could mix up.
I'd soak 'em in sheep-gall, which all
the boys up there have. Then I'd ship
'em down in good bitter style, and
have nigger soldiers fork 'em out to
sm with bay onets. Make 'em swallow
'em till they "heave JONAH and then
poke em down 'em again; III bet you
can fetch 'em to their milk. Then
don't let any Of them see Mr.. Lees pic.
ture, nor Col. T. J. Jackson, deceased
make 'em buy Ben. Buffers, A. L Bore
mans, and Fred. Douglass (ata quarter
apiece.) With all this let 'em have q
little extra registrating every few days,
and you have no idea Brother, how
quick they'll reconstruct. Fll wager,
that before the next moon, they'll be
bowling around the streets of Wheeling,
hunting the Legislature, crying for mere
oath aud more law. Them chaps don't
make 'em half fast en0ugh-that's
what's the matter. know q dozen
boys in this town, that can make three
laws to their one, with bully oaths to
match at that and I'll bet on IL.
Now Arth,, do 90 to work in earnest
and fix the thing up, and let's have
peace, prosperity and brotherly love.
Don't be afraid Of the Supreme Court
that's played out. Your good little fel-
lows, Brown and Loomis, fixed it for
keeps, and no mistake. Them Supreme
chaps won't squeak again for while, l
reckon.
It's my opinion, Governor, that by
odds the best part Of your piece is the
few words you said to the boys about
the amendment. Why didn't you write
lots more of that kind, SO all the South
ern reconstructing Governors might
have cut it up aud made that part of
their pieces they have to say about the
amendmenti Then you might have had
| it ntfighted, and made it pay; for
if you didn't all them Congress fellows
would be having part of it oil the time
to keep from writing pieces.
A word or two, Arth., confden'iaHy-
"mum's" the word, you knOw-about
that confiscation business. You We
made an ass of yourself, and NO mistake,
telling the boys to repeal that law.
\ What If they did make it just for fun to
scare the rebels out of Richmond and
make EN- quit coufederatingf What If
il was joksi Don't you see You could
make it payf And that's the main
\ point. What's the use Of being Govern.
or at allf What's the use of tho Lord
giving you two eyes, if you don't keep
'em openi Let the confscating 60 on.
Suppose it amt constitutional; the
thing could be all over before them
Supreme chaps could get hold of it.
Appoint some particular frind to attend
nothing Just now.) The lands are
bound to 20 cheap, but then you know
4 h.,~ <ha fbino could b0 managed right.