Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-04-19
Humorous.
4 BLAENEY. sroNE-Lhe sham-roek.

A BLARNEY- -sroNE-the Shamrock.
Mosr peoples plan of life is good, but
there Is something wrong in its specifications,
Why is a selfish friend like the letter Pr
Because though the first in pity, he is the
last in help.
SOME one says of certain congregation
that they pray on their knees on Sundays,
and on their neighbors the rest of the week.
'.OUE organ, said Seth, ''the organ of our
meeting house. initiated thunder so natural
one Sunday, that it curdled all the milk for
five miles round.
A GENTLEMAN who had built small house
in sequestered part of his grounds for pri
vate study, showed it to friend, remarking,
Here sit reading from morning till night,
and nobody bit the wiser.
Il SAY. Pat, if l place my money in the
bank to day, when can draw it out AGAIN.
.4oh, responded Pat, "sure an if you put
in to-day you can get itout tomorrow by Civ
ing tortnight's notice
"HAyE you seen my black faced antelope?"
inquired Mr.. Lewcode, who has collection
Of animals, to his friend
mo. I hayn't Whom did your black
faced aunt elope with2''
WOMAN is ike iyy,-the more you are ruin
ed. the closer she clings to you. A vile bach
elor adds, Ivy is like woman 1.-The more it
cIiugs TO YOU, the more you are ruined.
Poor rule that won't work both ways.
Az IntsH gentleman called on an eminent
singing master to inquire his terms; the mas
ter said that he charged two guineas for the
first lesson, but only one for as many as he
pleased afterwards. ''Oh, bother the first
lesson, said the applicant, '1et US commence
at the secoad.''
M old Scotch lady had an evening party,
where young man was present who was
about to leave for an appointment in China.
As he was exceedingly extrayagant in his
conversation about himself, the old lady said,
when be was leaving, Take gud care O. your.
self when ye're ava; for mind ye, they eat
puppies in Chinal
In beng reported that Lady Caroline Lamb
had in moment of passion, knocked down
one OF her pages with stool, the poet Moore,
to. whom this story was told by Lord Strang
ford, observed, oh, nothing is more natural
for literary lady than to double down a
page. Il would rather, replied his lord
ship, advise Lady Caroline to turn over a
new leaf.
Ay Irishman had been sick for long time,
/ and while i'll this state would oecasionly cease
breathing and life be apparently extinct for
some time. when he would again riyive. On
one Of these occasions, when he had just
awakened from his sleep, Patrick asked him;
''Ah, how shall we know, Jenny, when
you re dead You're afther wakin' up livery
time.
"Bring rue a glass o grog, he replied
f'and say 10 me, Here's to ye, Jenny, an
if / don rise up and dhrink, then bury me. ,"
4 PANrulsr minister met Mr.. Emmons one
day, and abruptly asked, ''Mr. Emmons, how
old are you p
AS old as the creation, was the answer
in triumphant tone.
Then you are the same age with Adam
o,.d Evo r.
Certainly, / was in the garden when they
were.
Il have always heard that there was third
person in the garden with them, replied the
doctor with great coolness but never knew
before that it was you."
UsE HIN AS you WANT HIM.-A man in
an ale-house at late hour, saw fellow
drunk an opposite bench.
''Do you wish to get rid of this sot?' he
asked
I faNos arsuyars5 tba landlord tland q a1f