Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-02-12
DeaC Drops.

A girl is sum when she causes one to sigh
for-her
Wanted-a liHe-boat that will float on the
'ssea of troubles. y =
The radical party would heal the wounded
Constitution by putting its heel upon 1t.
When have married people passed through
the alphabet of love? When they teach babe
No matter how well the gambler throws the
dice. at the point of death he dies with awful
throes.
The rich man who will leta poor family freeze
for the want of a cord of wood, deserves cord
of hemp.
A horse dealer, describing used up horse,
said he looked ''as if he had been editing
country newspaper.
Cupid shoots with rifle now, and not with
bow and arrows. Else how is it that girls can
hear the popping of the question?
The perpetrator of the following is still at
large: Why are oysters good for dyspeptlcs
Because they die jest digest before they are
eaten. n
s.Dou' t trouble yourself to stretch your mouth
anv WIDER said dentist to a man who was
extending his jaw frightfully,, as l intend to
stand outside during the performance.
A kiss on the forehead denotes respect and
admiration; on the cheek, friendship; on the
eyelids, tender sentiment on the lips, love-
The young men of our acquaintance haven't
much respect" for young ladies.
Chow is it, that Johns never afeard and L
amp said one little miss to another. be
cause he's got Roman nose and feels safe. =
Don't you remember that we read that it has
always been said that Roman knows-no dan
ger?'
A man met big Indian on the plains a few
weeks ago. The gentle savage had large bum
die of scalps, and the white man made bold to
ask him what he had been doing. 'Heugh J.
said the noble red man, ''me been skirlnlshing
for waterfalls =
A wife who often stormed at her husband was
sitting with him at the breakfast table, when
suddenly, amid coughs, she exclaimed, Dear
me bit Of pepper has got into my windplpe. !,
.'Hurricane-pipe, you mean, cody rejolned
her sarcastic spouse.
What are you seating your child on that
quarto dictionary for?" said Mrs d., as the
ater arranged his little boy at the breakfast ia
BILE. Il am, = said he, fixing the basis OF a
sound English education " Eyes" said she,
''but you are beginning at the wrong end, I"
A country fellow came to the city to see his
intended wife, and for a long time could think
of nothing to say. At last great snow falling
he took occasion to tell her that all his father
sheep would be undone.
well, said she kindly taking him by the
hand, I'll keep one OF them.
A California wife writes from San Francisco
to her husband in the interior: Dear Sir-lt
may be proper and perhaps my duty, to inform
you that about two months ago succeeded IN
getting my divorce from you and also that L
have since married again. You may continue
your monthly remlttances as l may need them
for your three children.
In jovial company, each one asked ques-
ton, If it was answered, he paid forfeit; or
if he could not answer it himself, he paid for
felt. An Irishman' S question was, 'How does
the little ground-squirrel dig his hole without
showing any dirt about the entrance?" When
they all gave it up, Pat said: "Sure don't you
see, he begins at the other end of the hole. y
One of the rest exclaimed, ''But how does he
get therep' ''Ah!' said Pat, that's your
question-can you answer it yourself?"
A gentleman driving up to country inn, ac-
costed youth thusly:
My lad, extricate my quadruped from the
vehicle, stabulate him. donate him a sufficient
supply of nutritious alment, and when the au-
rora Of morn shall again illumine the oriental
horizon, will award you pecuniary compen-
sation for your amidable hospitality"
The boy becoming puzzled, and not compre
hendlng the meaning of the gentleman high
sounding effusion, ran in the house and excaim
cd: Daddy, here is dutchman out here who
wants some lager beer P"