Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-09-13

when they are left standing nea them. Bear
this in mind; it Is u common offence, too
much tolerated and one hope no one who
has the least regard for tree viii ever be
guilty Of Then let me repeat the text. PlaRt
trees and when planted, take care oftheHa.
Concord, DelGtoare Comfy. AJAX.
.----------------------- ------------"------==-- "
a}umprqtls.
| "DD your fall hurt you2'' said one Pat
lander to another, who had fallen from the
TOP Of two story house ''Not in the least,
honey, twas stopping, SO quick that hurt
me.
WHES is music like vegetabIes2 When
there is four beats to the measure.
ANGER is ike full-hot horse, who being al
lowed his pay, selfmettle tires him.
ANOTHER BULL-Two good-natured Irish.
men, on a certain occasion, occupied the same
bed. In the morning one of them inquired
of the other;
''Dennis did you hear it thunder last
night?''
''No, Pat, did itreaIly thunder2'
Eyes, it Numbered as if heaven and earth
would come together,
Why, thin, didn't ye wake me, for ye know
| can't slape whin it thuuders.
Az elderly lady, who was handling pair
Of artificial plates in dental Office, and ad-
miring the aaency with which the dentist de.
scribed them, asked him. ''Can body eat
with those thiugs?'' "My dear madam,
mastication can be performed with them with
a facility scarcely equalled by Nature her
self, responded the dentist. Yes, | know,
but can body eat with themY'
JoHy REEVE was accosted on the Kensing-
ton road by an old woman with u bottle OF
whisky in her hand.
pray sir, I beg your pardon-is this the
way to the workhouse Y'
John gave her look of clerical dignity,
and then pointing to the bottle grayely said
NJ AduaAij DuL tuaJ Is.
ALoyER who was sighted by the females,
very modestly asked young lady if she would
let him spend the evening with her.
| NO" she augrily replied that's what ]
won't"
'Why, replied he, you needn't be SC
fussy; didn't mean this evening, but some
stormy one when | can't 90 anywhere else. "
IY school recently teacher took occasion
to relate an anecdote of the little girl who
tried to overcome evil with good, by giyiue
new Testament to boy who had ill.treateC
her. The story was appreciated, for few
minutes afterwards one boy struck another
and being asked the reason, said he was ''lry
ing to get Testament This was a prac.ic
al bearing altogether unexpected.
| A BRooELYN Presbyterian, who has grea
faith in Catechism, aud teaches 1t wi tn a per
tinacity that would challenge the admiration
Of a Luther or Calvin, was putting the young
est Of four through course one day, wher
the question came up. .'Who tempted Eve?'
/ he little fellow, after q few moments
thought, with an air Of confidence exclaimed
It's the gentleman who lives in hell; I've
| forgotten his name. -
A WINDY orator in the New York Lcgisla
ture after lengthy effort stopped for drink
of water. | rise, said Bloss, ito point Of
order" Everybody stared, wondering what
the point Of order was. ''What is iu'' 81
think, sir, said BIoss, 1t is out of order for
a wind mill to go by water
''DoEs :he court understand you to say
Mr.. Jones, that you saw the editor Of til,
AugH Of Freedom intoxcatedF'
''Not at all sir. merely said that hac
seen him frequently so hurried in his minC
that be would undertake to cut out copy Will
the snuilers-that's all"
Hon. Thomas +. FOSTER, member o
Congress from Georgia, once begged al
honorable member, who had persisted in ,
long, prosy speech, to desist.
II shall not desist, " he replied, 81 am no
speaking for the benefit of the honorable
gentleman from Georgia. am not speakin.
for this House. l am speaking, sir, for pos
terity."
"Yes," replied Foster, petulantly, ''and i
you keep on little longer, posterity will hear
you"
A party of travellers sat down in country
tavern to a scanty luncheon. Their hunge
was great; the prospect of appeasing it small
The wag of the company proposed to work ,
miracle; and taking up plate of Hule driec
up buns, began to shake them to make them
hop about. The landlady, observing the per.
iormance, asked what was wanted.
Keep still" cried the wag; "there is Z
famine here; and do this is order that we
may have a. baa-daRcef'
The miracle was wrought the landlady has
tening to bring on her good things.
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! A SPLENDID ASSORTMENT OF JUDO
I "a MENT and Promissory Notes, either with oi
without waiver Of exemption, for sale at thi.
once Hgy 2-66