The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-04-10

lOE III luS anu
his appearance seemed to come fully
up to the popular expectation.
--a
THE CAUDLE CURTAIN LECTURES.
Mrs .CaudIe Complains OF the ssTur-
tIes---Thinks IL ssNOthinG hut RiKht''
That CauuIe should Set mp n GhaIse.
YOU'D never have got me into this
wilderness OF a place, Mr.. CaudIe, If
d have thought what it was. Yes,
that's right; throw it in my teeth that 1t
was my choice-that's manly, isn't II?
When I saw the place the sun was out,
and it looked beautiful-now, its quite
another thing. No, Caudle; L don't
expect you to command the sun-and
if you talk about Joshua in that infidel
way, I'll leave the bed.No, sir; don't
expect the sun to be in your power, but
that's nothing to do with it. talk
about one thing and you always-start
another. But that's your art.
"I'm sure a woman might as we'll be
buriedalive; / feel it. / stood at the
window three hours this blessed day,
and saw nothing but the postman. No;
it isn't pity that hadn't something
better to do; 1 had plenty but that's my
business, Mr.. Caudle. I suppose I'm
to be mistress of mHs own house2 If
not, I'd better leave 1t, r
t'Aud the very first night we were
here, you know it, the black beetles
came into the kitchen. If the place
didn't seem spread all over with black
cloth, I'ma story-teller. What are you
coughing at, Mr.. Caudle2 see moth
ing to cough at But that's just your
way of sneezing. Millions of black
beetlesl And as the clock strikes eight,
out they march. What? They're UeTy
punctUdL3 / know that. 1 only wish
other people were half as punctnaT;
'twould save other peoples money and
other peoples peace of mind. You
know hate a black beetle! No;
don't hate so many things. But 1 do
hate black beetles, as 1 hate i'll treat
ment, Mr. -Caudle, And now 1 have
enough of both, goodness knows.
Last night they came into the par
lor. OF course, in a night or two, they'll
walk up into the bedroom. They'll
be Heterogeneous of 'em-on the
quilt. But what do you care? Nothing
of the sort ever touches you; but you
know how they come to me; and that's
why you are so quiet. a pleasant
thing to have black beetles in ones bedl
Why don't I poison 'en7 A pretty mat
ter, indeed to have poison in my houseI
Much you must think of the dear chill
dren. a nice place-too, to be called
the eTurtle-Dovery? Didn't I cIrLsten 1t
myself know that-but then1 knew
nothing ofthe black beetles. Besides,
names of houses are for the world out
side; not that anybody passes to see
ours. Didn't Mrs. Digby insist on call
ing their new house, "Love-in-IdIe-
ness" though everybody knew that
wretch Digby was always beating her?
Still, when folks read "Rose Cottage''.
lots of thorns that are inside. In this
world, Mr.. Caudle, names are some.
times quite as good as things.
.That cough again! You've got
cold, and you'll always be getting one
for you'll always be missing the om-
nibGs as you did on rIesday-and al
ways be getting wet. No constitution
can stand 1t, Caudle. You don't know
what felt when 1 heard it rain on
Tuesday, and thought you might be in
it. What? I'm UeI,y 9ood9 Yes, 1 trust
so; try to be so, Caudle. And so, dear,
I've been thinking that " ed better keep
chaise. You can't afford IL, and you
'front.'? Don't tell me; I know you'd
save=Honey by it. I've been reckoning
what you lay out on omnibuses; and if
you'd a chaise of your rown-beSides the
gentility of the thing-you'd be money
in pocket. And then, again, how often
could go with you to town-and how,
liked to be a little late at the club, dearI
Now, you're Obliged to be hurried
away--1 know it--when, if you'd only
a carriage fyour own, you could stay
and enjoy yourself. And after your
walk you want enjoyment. OF course,
directly to me; and I don't, Caudle; and
you know it. -.-.a
"A nice, neat, elegant little chaise.
What? YoiJW thfIlk of Il . There's a
loyeL You are a good creature, Cau-
die; and twill make me so happy to
think you don't depend upon an omnf-
bus. A sweet little carriage, with our
arms beautifully painted on the panels.
What2 Arms are rubbish, and Uou
don't k7lol1 that you hare dly4 Nom
sense: to besure you have-and it not,
OF course they're TO be had for money.
1 wonder where Chalkpit's, the milk
mans arms, came from? 1 suppose
you can buy 'em at the same place. He
used to drive a green cart; and now he's
got close yellow carriage, with two
large tortoise shell cats, with their
whfskers as If dipt in cream, standing
on their hind legs upon each door, with
heap of Latin underneath. You NAV
buy the carriage, If you please, Mr..
Caudle; but unless your arms are there,
you won't get me TO enter 1t. Never
I'm not going to look less than Mrs.
ChalSpit.
'BesIdes, If you haven't arms, I'm
sure my family nave, and wife's arms
are quite as good as husbands. I'll
write to-morro y to dear mother, to
know what wetook for our family arms.
What do you say B. WHAT p d HldH1Le
IN a stone kitchen pr0per3 Mr.. Caudle,
you're always Insulting my family
always: but you shall not put me out of
temper tonight. Still, if you don't
like our arms, find your own.-EI dare
say you could have found 'em fas.
enough, if you'd married. Miss Pretty
man. Well, l wil1be quiet: and won't
mention that lady's name. Aznice lady
she isl I Iwouder how much she spends
in paint Now don't / tell Won I WON'T
say word more, and yet you will kick
aboutI -
swell, wen have the carriage and
the family arms? No, don't want the
family legs too. Don't be vulgar, Mr..
Caudle. You might, perhaps, talk in
bank; but it doesn't at all become you
now. The carriage and the family aEmsi
We've u country7house as well as the
Chalk pits; and though they praise
their place for q little Paradise, dare
say they've quite as many black bee
ties as we have, and more too. The
place quite looks II. I
sour carriage and our armsi And you
know, love, II won't cost much-next
to nothing-to put-a- gold=band about
Sans hat on a Sunday No= 1 don't
want a full blown livery. At least, not
just vet. I'm told the Chalkpits dress
their boy on Sunday like drago-hyi
and don't see why we shouldn't do
what we like with our own Sam. New
ertheleSs. IN be content With a gold
band, and bit of pepper-and-saIt
No= shalfnot cry out for plush next;
certainly not But I will have q gold
band, and-Y YoE tcoB'k- and Z k5sot0 it,
oh, Yesi that's another of your crotch
cts, Mr., Caudle= Ike nobody eIse-you
people buy their sheets or their table
cloths 0r auv oEher linen ffIay have :,