American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1867-09-11


When is a crop likely to be -decep-
tive Z When it is all in your rye.
Why are ideas Ike boards Be-
cause men don't get them till they grow
up aud women never get them. tShame.
iulD 500 reo9s,F----osT a -
Why is nan -refusing a chew of
tobacco like the stem Of the. tobacco leaf?
Because it's the refuse of the weed.
Why is Hiram Powers the meanest
of men S-Because he chiseled a poor
Greek slave out of a peice of marble.
What one cow asks another: I" Whist
cud you be thinking of p Answer
What | chews y
How may aman be known from
fatigued dog One wears a shirt, the
other pants. JJ
What riches are those that certainly
make themselves wings and fly awayy
Ost>riches. 8lstze-
Folly has more commentators than
wisdom-perhaps because her works are
moro numerous.
If i'll luck befall you, think that it
may be a ablessing to somebody else, and
that your turn may come next
Our lives are truly at an end when
we are beloved no longer; the chilliness
of the grave has been passed through.
Love is the shadow of the morning,
which decreases as the day advances
Friendship is the shadow Of the evening,
whichstrengtheas with the setting sun Of
life.
To econemize is to draw in as much
as possible. The ladies' apply this art to
their persons, and the result is a very
small waist
An invalid Irishman being arrested
for vagraucy put in the plea, that if he
had al, the work in the world he could
not do it.
=" What are you smashing that dogs
head for don't you see that he's as
dead as a stone 2" "Yes does but he
did kill mine chickens aud suck mine
eggs, and | did shoot him bury dead.
and aooo ! lets him hnc,o dat dere is an
he, edfter !" aud the Teuton whacked
away on the poor dog skull. ,
"A young lawyer was examining
bankrupt as to how he had spent bis
money. There was about two thousand
pounds unaccounted for, when the attor-
ney put on severe, scrutinizing face,
and exclaimed with much self-compla-
cency; ,..-. .s..-r
"Now, sir, I want you to tell this
court and jury how you used those two
thousand pounds" .s,rzav
The bankrupt put on a serio comic
face, winked at the audience, and ex-
claimed
"The lawyers got that p As
The judge and audience were con.
vulsed with laughter, and the counsel
lor was glad to let the bankrupt go
BAD SpEL.s.-Being at dinner,
Johny passed his plate for turnip. AS
he had but reoontly attended school, his
ia ther said:
"Spell turnip, Johny and 1 win serve
you" s4 s
"T,ur n,o-p," shouted the young
hopeful.
80. fy my son, that is not right;
hold up your head, and hear how pa
spells it---t.u-r-n-u>p" (turnip,)
"Sakes. .alive," calculated Madam,
from the head of the table, ''I should
like to know if am married to man
that can't spell his own vegetables !"
Mr.. Smiths dignity was wounded.
He had been schoomaster down East,
and he thought he knew turnips.
"Spell it yourself, my dear" cried
Mr.. Smith, wiping his moustacho with
unusual cara, while he glanced knowing
ly around the table. fa
swell, | guess I'm able to-" jerked
Mrs. Smith, with sublime toss of her
cap border-'t-u.r-n-e-p, (turnip.)
Words are generally spelt as they are
pronounced"
II say as its pronounced turnop,"
shouted Johnny.
HIt's pronounced turn-up," said Mr.,
Smith. lo
at is pronounced turn-ep," reiterated
Madam. a
After much wrangling the family re,
membercd there was dictionary In tho
house, which was called for, and as we
left we had thepleasure of hearing them
spell in concert. and with evident sur,
prise tu-r-n.i.p.