The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-12-14


Cruel for Theodore give It TO him hot;
Mix IL with rockets, and put in hot shot;
Flavor the dose with saltpetre trifie;
Stir 1t up stiff with Snider rifle.
Cruel for Theodore out in the East.
Give IL TO him hot, because he's beast.
Cruel for Theodorel give it to him strong;
Try a tor pedo-cant do it wrong.
Here's the prescription; see what 1t said
"Recipe-Powder and ounces of lead"
Cruel for Theodore, savage and Cruel;
He wanted his way-gtve him his gruel'
Cruel for Theodore see how how they run,
Members OF Parliament home from the gun;
Home from the sport, the stream, and the moor,
Cruel for Theodore out In the East:
Give 1t TO him hot-it is good for the beast
Give it to him hot-promote perspiration;
Bid him beware of the British nation.
Give 1t him strong and the doses increase;
Perhaps 1t may end in happy release.
Hewould have his whey3giYe him his Cruel
TAKE NoT1oE.-On picking up recently
visitors guide to the great metropolis, we
happened to read:-"Amongst the many
places of interest which the country visitor
! should not neglect to see is Billingsgate, the
celebrated fish market. The best time to see
the market to perfection is about five o'clock
! in the morning." We would suggest that in
! the next edition of the work referred to there
| be added that if any one be desirous of study
ing the language of Billingsgate, he can
readily do so by taking in some of the penny
daily papers
SINGLE BLEssRDNEss.-The Standard Of We'd
nesday mentions the curious fact that on
! certain date 'there was not single prisoner
! in the Tynemouth House of Correction It
does not mention the number of married pri-
! soners, but the fact that there were no single
! ones goes far to show that the bonds of we'd
! lock lead to other and more rigorous bonds,
and that the effect of marriage generally is
rather demoralizing than otherwise.
SHARP.-A gentleman, on meeting friend a
day or two ago, asked his opinion about the
oRoman Question" "oh hang the Roman
'Tm tired of it; wish it were at the bottom
OF the sea ~ "Not bad idea," quickly OBJ
served the first speaker "for in that case we
might possibly get the long-desired sOIutiO"
of it tI'
MATCH TH1s.-Why should congreve manu-
facturers be considered adopts at the art of
selfdefense Because they are used to box
ing matches.
A ROMAN QUEsTIoN.-'If uneasy lies the
head that wears crown" what must the
Pepe's head suffer from wearing three crowns
How TO Cook A GoosE.-Suspend yourself
in front of a brisk fire, and revolve carefully
and regularly until you are done brown.
To THE BENEvoLENT.-Judy knows man so
hard up that he even sleeps on tick.
From Fun
! ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
CANNOT let you link your fate
| In such a fate as mine;
The rapture of q welded state
At present resign.
We nlighS be happy, but fear
Our chances are but SMALL
like you very much, my DEAR
And love you-not at ALL
Long, long ago had O thought
Ofmaking you my wife;
Since then experience has taught
| The lesson OF a life.
The VOWS you loved so much to hear
'Tis useless to recall:-
l like you very much, my DEAR
And love you-not at all.
Before this year that's dying out
Has altogether died,
You'll find another love, no doubt,
And another bride.
At least I'd better be sincere
(Whatever may befall);-
like you very much, my dear,
And love you--not at all.
A GRIEvANoE.-A. B. A. and First Class
man encloses us the accompanying paragraph,
and complains bitterly of its wording:-
| WANTED = Several gentlemanly MEN to
travel and take orders, Apply personally, or
he states that, supposing travelling chap
laincy was the Office for which gentlemanly
man was required to take orders, he applied,
and was astOnished to find that it was bag
mans place that was offered.
A LOWERING SKBY.-We are assured that
the gloomy views held by Dr.. Skey as to the
effects of a course of training on the constitu-
ton, are anything but popular in Cambridge.
The day is far distant when the Cantabs will
make the doctors arguments an excuse for
Skey daddling out of future contests.
PRUDENT PREcAUToNs.-We have no wish
to pry into the domestic relations of the
authorities of the War Office. We believe
they have issued instructions that, in making
experiments with the new ordnance, the
charges of powder shall not be too high, for
fear of "wearing the breeches." This looks
ominous.
THE ANTIQUITY or FERIANIsM.-Fenianism
dates much farther back than most people
suppose. We would remind our readers that
when Herodias' daughter was living there was
head-sent- her.
FRoN THE HIeHLANDs.-The Flower OF the
Forest-Its stalk.
From The IOmdhatOk.
CoEFRRRNTIAL EXoRDIUMs.
THE PoPB observed that he had reason to COM
plain
THE EMPEROR OF AUSTRIA said that he felt some
hesitation
THE KING OF ITALY rem arked that he strongly
! protested
} TIE EMPERoR OF RUSSIA replied that he saw
} no objection
TEE QUEEN OF SPAIN observed that she would
only be too happy
THE BRIrIsH LION said he hoped No Popery-
The SULTAN OF TURKEY confessed he really
wondered
} CoUNT DE BIsMARK remarked he had watched
most anxlously-
And the EMPEROR OF THK FRENCH said he had
quite determined