, 1867-08-02
Josh billings, Monorrans.

The Jealous Nan il alwus a,hunting.
lie IL alwus a.hunting for sumthiBg that he
don't expect tew find, and after he hez found it,
then he IL mad bekauze he haz. Theze fellers
dont't beleaf in spooks, and yet they are about
the only folks who ever see en1y. A Jealous
man IL alwus happy, jist in PerPrOshun az be IL
miserable.
Jelosy il a diseaze, and it IL good deal like
sea sckuess-dredful sick and can't vomit
The Anonymous Nan boards at red tavern,
and pays for his board bi tending bar occasionN
ally He hain't got enny more karakter than
the jack ov spades haz, when it amt trumps.
vices.
de rides on the box, once in a while, with the
driver, and nobody thinks ov asking him for
hiz stage fare.
lie IL az useless az an extra pump would be
in the desert ov Sarah.
He sprung from a respectable family; hiz
great grandfather waz justiss ov the peace
but he haz not got vanity enuff to brag on it,
He amt necessarily phool, emmy more than
bulls eye watch z; if emmy boldly will wind
him up, he will sett still, and run quietly down.
The Stg Nan looks down, when he walks,
upon folks. He don't seem tew hav but one
timber jinte in him, and that liz lokated in hiz
noze.
He liz kind Ov mGskuline turkey, on parade
in barn yard.
He IL generally loaded down with wisdum
clear up tew the muzzell, and, when he goes
oph, makes noize like a caupou, but don't
dew emmy damage.
hay seen him fire into crowd, and miss
every man.
This kind ov stiff man il very handy tew
fatter. They seem tew know they amt entitled
tew good artikle, and, tharfore, are satisfied.
with very hard soap.
Thare ait but fu men who git stiff on what
they scktualy know, but most ov them git stiff
on what they acktually feel.
Stiff men are called arstokrats, but this amt
this country. - '---'------i---
The country amt long enufF yet, unless man
haz got Indian in him.
Az gen raj thing, stiff men get mad dredful
eazy, and hav tew git overit dredful eazy, beI
kauze foks amt apt tew git big skare at what
they ain afraid ov
Stiff man had a grandfather once, who went
tew Congress from our dstrikt, and thare amt
one in the whole family that hay been able tew
git timber sinse.
The Model ban never disturbs a hen when she
il setting never speaks cross tew a lost dogg
always puts five cent shin plaster in hiz vest
pocket late Saturday night, tew hav it ready
Sunday morning for the church platter riEes
whenever lady enters the street kars remem-
bers yure uncle plainly, and asks after awl the
family. If be steps on a kit'ss tail, il sure tew
do it light, and Immediately asks her pardon I;
reads the Phunny Pheilow, and laffs, bekauze he
kant help it hooks mp his wife's dress, and
plays boss with the children. Never meddies
with the cream on the milk pans goes easily oV
errands, and comes back in seazon I; attends
evry boddys phuueral kan always tell when
the moon changes; thinks Just az W do, OF the
other way, if yu want him tew follows every
boddy's advice but hiz own; praktces most ov
the virtews without knowing it leads the life
ov a shorn lamb gifts sick after awhiie, and
aud dies a z soon az he kan tew save making
emmy further trubble.
The model mans vices are not fea-e1, nor hiz
vrtews respekted. lie lives in the memory ov
the world just about az long az pleasant day
duz
He may be called " clever fellow" and that
il only libel but he will git biz reward here
the birds git theirs.