Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1867-05-30

with an apple, but at0ned for the
wrong by forming pair.
i USED TO IT-An Irishman and
j Frenchman were to be hanged to.
gether. The latter was strongly af-
fected by his situation, while Paddy
| took it very easy, and told his com
psnion to keep up his spirits, for it
was nothing at all to be hanged
"Ah, begarr' said the Frenchman,
"there is one grand difference be-
tween you and me, for you Irishmen
are used to it."
LADIES VorING.--''Shall ladies
have votesf" asked a stump speaker.
Certainly" replied strong minded
young woman. as woman made
only to sew on buttons? And, if she
is, it is against the laws of nature to
turn away the needles from the
poll"
PRUD1sH. young lady out West
is SO great q prude, that she left the
dinner table, blushing, the other day,
because the servant put some bear
meat before her.
A DREADFUL SUSPICION. gentle
man leaving the company, somebody
who sat next to DR.. Johnson asked
who he was. II cannot exactly tell
you, SIR" replied the doctor. sand l
should be 10th to speak i'll of any
person whom do not know deserves
it, but / am afraid heis an attorney"
FASHION AND VIRTUE.
"what's fashionable, I'll maintain
Is always right" cries sprightly Jane;
"Ah. would to Heaven =" cries graver Sue,
"What's right were fashionable too"
On THE SPor.-Two Oxonians din
ing together, one OF thenRnoticing
spot of grease ON the neck cloth of
his companion. said, 81 see you are
a Grecian." ''Pooh!" said the other,
''that is far fetched" "No, indeed"
said the punster, II make it on the
spot"
WHERE WE READ ABOUT HIM.-"My
good fellow" said one man to anoth-
er, slapping him on the shoulder,
''you are one of the men we read of"
"How sop inquired the other,
"where did you read of me?' SIN
the police report"
Conan illiterate character has.
originated the following conundrum:
"What is the difference between Ag,
the Canaanite, and certain learned
Professor? The Canaanite was Ag
as was, the professor Ag-as is"
CoNTRAsT.-Witness: "This here
Teller broke our winder with tater.
and hit Isabeller on the elber as she
was playing on the pianer." Mag
istrate: 'sThe conduct of the pris-
ona' and his general characta', rem
da' it prepa' thathe should no longa'
be membe' of society"
DANGERous.-Th is a bashful
bachelor who dares not meet ladies
in the street. He says they wear so
many bugles on the dresses that he
fears overtures from them.
INSULTING If your grocer insults
you, you can retort by calling him a
ssfigger," without the risk of an ac-
ton; but it is not safe to ask pie
man how long he has been "out of
custard- eh2"
AGooD HooK.-A lively Hibernian
exclaimed at a party where Theo-
dore Hook shone the star of the eve-
ming: 'Oeh. Master Theodore, but
you're the hook that nobody can
batep'
WHAT HB'D TAKE.-An Irishman
being asked On rainy day what he
would take to carry a message from
the Bulls Head to the Battery, ans
wered: "Sure, I'd take COACH
A SHUFFLING ANswER-A fair de-
votee lamented to her confessor her
love of gaming.
"Ah. Madam" replied the reve-
rend gentleman, sit is grievous
sin;-in the first place consider the
loss of time"
"That's just what l do said she;
II always begrudge the time that is
lost in shuffling and dealing"
LAVENDER. very pretty and
hobby young lady called in the store
the other day and requested to see
our lavender kid gloves, whereupon
she was shown several different
shades of that color. Being little
overcome with so great variety, she
asked, (Which of these pairs are
he lavenderest?"
TAKE WARNING.--A man was fined
- at the College police Office, Dub
in, for assaulting another; and as
he paid the money into court, hs shot
,lances at the victim of his indiscre-
ion, and said, await till 1 get you
nto Limerick, where beating cheap,
Ind I'll take the change out Of
Vou."
"John has signed the pledge"
said Thad to Charles. "Glad of it,
the latter, sit will bring
down the price of drinks for the rest
Of u.s."
ACUTE ANGLEs.-"Very good, but
rather too pointed" as the cooRsn
said when he swallowed the bait.
A JUSTICE OF THE PEAoE.-Near
g there lived one Simpson, who
formerly held the office of justice of
the peace. John M an Infiuen-
tial citizen, was brought before 5.
~ M a charge of assault and battery
By a shiftless fellow named
lack v. AS soon as they were
n the room Simpson exclaimed:
.We ell John, tell us how the thing
John replied that the
'ellew had insulted him, and then be
John) went into him. swell"
avs Simnson aI'l1 fine Won dollar,