The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1867-08-01

po ss,, eer al vert;s,pe and expenses, LOT,
I by George! wouldn't Sc. NJ rne
for three times what it cost mo
HELPING TO EDIT.
s,rauser Wants to WORK hls Wy
re Tries His Hand ON the "ea'nef
The Result.
By "GR1s."
Granger came into our sanctun this
,orninp-a well-meaning, innocent-looR-
inc yidual-who stated that he was de-
tanned in town few hours, and wanted 70
while away his time by reading the news
napers. He said, although ne was poor,
he didn't believe in getting something ~
nothing. az can't pay money" ne satu,
with touching melancholy, Sin return i,1 ,oa
discommodipg you and for the priE WI. r.
~ looking over your exchanges ou1 a
.here ia anv way in which l can recon-
n T vouGwork my way, as 1t were-l
will cheerfully DO II. o,oome r. road
So noners but he sturdily insisted upon
dn i To- something for us in return, and sax
Oinss he could do it he should be reluc-
tantIv compelled to bid rs a very good
"Now," said this singular stranger, "if l
could sweep out your office, or split Kin.
ding wood for you, or help you edit -
Thought struck us. We were short
banded and the weather had produced It's
naturally languid effect upon us, SO tnas
we felt a repugnance to labor-besides,
here was independence in poverty, which
,Se admired. We then told him he might
assist us in "editing," and suggested that
he give rs an article upon the present not
weather. His face frightened up at once,
and borrowing lead pencil g. rs This
landlord, he said, had taken his for his
board) he sat down to the task. We ad-
vised him TO lay off his coat, which was
buttoned up to the throat, and Woolien, In
tended originally for the winter months,
although thin enough for the equator-at
the elbows-but he declined with such
precipitation that we fear the poor fellow
hadn't any shirt on. He said he never
"edited" before, but he knew he could
do it. ;,
| After several hours Of sweltering toll,
during which he tainted number OF times
from the heat, and was revived by the Of
fee boy (who believed him to he an lmpos.
tori going to the head of the concern and
"blowing on him, he produced the fol-
lowing article on the weather. We give
it as he wrote it, merely taking the liberty
of inserting a few explanatory sentences
in parentheses:
HOT WEATHER.
/ Hot weather is owing in measure to
; the great number Of thermometers that
are manufactured at this season of the
q lp1f bou
meters it wouldn't be so hot, leastwisc we
wouldn't notice it so much. know man
who thought the weather was cool and sa-
luxurious until, in an evil hour, he listened
to the solicitations Of his daughters, who
were getting stuck up, and wanted Their
moneter, and so he bought one. The next
| day he had a sunstroke. Thermometers
ought to be abolished by act of Congress
Look at the Arctic regions. The Arctics
don't have any thermometers. What's the
consequence? They don't have any hot
weather. (Drowsy with the heat, the able
writer had to be aroused with heavy blow
from FAM
Hot weather occurs in the summer fol
the most part, except in sections where
they don't have any, and then it comes il
|, the winter. Its principal productions arr
Fourth of July, wilted collars, lemonade
sunstroke, ice-cream, bowel complaint
\ watermelons, awnings, linen coats, hydro
! phobia, bathing tubs, straw hats, perspira
i ton, watering places, sun umbrellas
9 mint juleps, steamboat excursions, lon
: days, hot nights, street spriuklers, bee
: gardens, dullness in trade, heavy washin
bills, low water, depression Of spirits
mosquitoes, and the closing Of the schools
(He went to sleep again, but was revive'
by drenching him with several buckets 0
If water. Arousing himself with tremen
Il dons effort, he began once more:)
o Hot weather is very old institution
old as the world, nearly. Adam and Ev
stayed in the Garden Of Eden until it 60
: too hot to hold them; and they wer
J, dressed for warm latitude, too, accord
: ing to all reports. Eve gets the credit TO
it. Many wives seem to inherit that IN
- happy temperament, and make their home
' too hot to hold their lords. We suspec
c that the unhappy stranger is sufterin
IS from "hot weather" at home, hence hi
G wanderings. We order on application {
h warm ice to his head, and he proceeds.)
! 1t is easy enough to write about b.
- weather when there are others to whor
II these things of which the heat at the sam
Is time. THE excessive heat is affecting hi
Of reason. He must wind up soon.) Hoy
" singular it is that folks don't keep cool
-, What is winter for except to allow peopl
o to get cool, but with the improyidence 0
the race, they won't keep 1t. am like al
A. the rest. There has been GOODNESS exist
,, ing between myself and all my relations TO
81 months, but it's no use here. | find i
y. oozing out in perspiration-I feel as if
Oh was standing on THERMOMETERS sixty feel
e high-hot weather, as | said before
l. Pm baking--oh! that I was a wind
y mill-when l say that hot weather, OF
|. which-I'm broiled-Im almost cook.
: ed-hot YEA lin done"
9 The rash and unfortunate stranger,
} whose honorable instincts would not per-
9 NIT him to receive something for nothing,
. and who wanted to "work his way" and
who rashly attempted to write an article
. on hot weather, with the thermometer at
u its present high standing in society, be-
. came utterly Frustrated at this point, and
was laid away in a back room until he re-
covers and is identified. Any friends of
!, his can have him by calling at this office,
l proving property, and paying for this no
: tice. Cincinnati Times.