The evening Argus., 1867-03-07


Against all the chambermaids of whatever
age or nationality, l launch the curse ofbach-
elordoml @
Because:
They always put the pillow on the opposite
end of the room from the gas burner, SO that
while you read and smoke before sleeping,
as is the ancient and honored custom of bach.
elors you have to hold your book aloft, in an
uncomfortable position to keep the light from
dazzeling your eyes.
When they find the pillows removed to the
other end ofthe bed in the morning, sthey
receive not the suggestion in a friendly spir-
it, but glorying in their absolute sovereign.
ity, and pitying your helplessness, they make
the bed Just as it was originally, and gloat in
seeretsoyer the pangs their tyranny will eau Sc
you. 49,. sez 90 = n-4s+E -
Always after that they find you have tran.
sposed the pillows, they undo your work, and
thus defy you and seek to embatter- the life
that God hath given you..s -
Kthey cannot get the Light IN aaconvenient
position any other way, they move the bed
L n ron pull yonr trpnk out a few inches
hom the wall, SO that the I'D VIII stay up
when you open it, they alwaysA-shove that
trunk back again. They do it on purpose.
If you want the spittoan ina certain spot
y ADi sg"a.a - A<alu sls0y e~'n So
They always put your other boots into in
accesible places. They chiefly enjoy depos.
iting them as far under the Bad "a fhe ~<-h
will permit. II is because this compels you
to get down in an undignifed attitude and
make wild sweeps for them in the dark with
the bootjack, and swear ss""7 a-a7-.r
They always put the match box in some
other place They hunt mp q new place for
it every day, and put a bottle or other per
ishable glass thing, where the box stood be-
fore. This is to cause you to break that glass
thing, cropping in the dark, and get yourself
into trouble. s-.4.zmFSr
They are forever and ever moving the
furniture. When you come in, in the night,
you can Calculate ON finding the bureau
| where the wardrobe was in the morning if
you leave the slop- bucket by the door and the
rocking chair by the window, when you come
In at midnight, or thereabouts, you viii fall
over that rockihg-chair, and you will proceed
toward the window and sit down in that slop
| tub. This will disgust YOU They like
that. E5 s --1
No matter where you put anything, they
are not going to let it stay there. They will
| take it and move it the first chance they get.
tits theirnature. And besides, it gives them
pleasure to be mean and contrary this WAY.
They would die if they couldn't be villains
f. They always save up all the old scraps OF
printed rubish on the floor, and stack them
| up carefully on the table, and then start the
| fire with your valuable manuscripts. Ifthere
| is any one particular old scrap that you are
more down on than any other, and which YOU
are gradually wearing your life out to get rid
| Of you may take all the pains you possibly can
| IN that direction, but it won't be of anv use
because they viii always fetch that old scrar
back and pat II in the same old place AGAIN
| every time. 1t does them good.
~And they use more hair oil than any six
| men. If charged with purloining the same
| they lie about it. What do they care about
| hereafter? Absolutely Dphing.
| If you leave your key in The door for con.
| Fenienee sake, they will carry it down to the
Office and give it to the clerk. They do this
under the vile presence Of trying to protect
| your property from thieves-but actually
they do it because they want to max, Won
tramp back down stairs after it when Won
come home. tired, or put you to the trouble d
sending waiter for it, which waiter will ex.
pect YOU TO pay him something. In which
case suppose the degraded creatures divide.
They keep always coming to make your
bed before you get up, thus destroying your
rest and iniiicting agony upon you-bnt after
you get up they don't come any more until
next day. ~ - ~.''1 '-
They do all the mean things they can think
of, and they do them Just out of pure cnssad.
ness, and nothing else.
Chambermaids are dead to every human
- have cussed them i'm behalf of outraged
bachelordom. They deserve il. III can get
bill through the legislature abolishing
chambermaids, I mean to do it. 81,
.5a- ..-s ..rs-s ,s. MARK TWAIN.