The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-11-07

.onastwenty years ago certain Meth
odAt niinister-now, deservedly. rank
iHvV Allgh III his denomination, hay
ing been for years a missionary to China
ana at this present writing occupying .
prominent pulpit in one of the cities o
the Empire State-was holding forth
with characteristic zeal in one of oul
rural districts on the text "rhou fool. ;
AU0oefa due form unfolded the lessor
contained in these words, he at length
concludsd his discourse in a perfec
tempest Of exhortation, as follows
"And, finally, impenitent hearers, will
You live fools? will you die foolse will
you forever be damned fools?''
.vaaaHa that falls into sin is man, h
that grieves at sin is a saint, he tina
boasts OF . sin is devil. .
Father, what does the printer live
ont" "Why, child?" 20, because you
said You hadn't paid for your paper fol-
years" Exit youth
VE&nn down East, whose name was
New, named his frs. child Something
1t was something New. The next child
was nothing New.
4nnaids are said to be numerous in
the Kaw river, in Kansas. A few days
ago party of young men out hunting
came across six of them, which fled ut
their approach. A singular coincidence
was the finding of six sets of waterfalls,
six sets hoop skirts, and six ct ceteras on
the bank of the river near where the
mermaids were first seen.
Ata great Republican rally at Defiance
Ohio, last month, one of the banners
bore the inscription: "If any man haul
down the American flag, gire him q post
obice.-A. JOHNSON.
The Keokuk iowa Gate City says:
the Eddyville folks have veritable
ghost that is regular scarer. It's fifteen
orstwcnty-five feet high-the terrified
chaps land there are several of them who
have soen it not taking time to make an
enact measure ofits altitude. That ghost
is . handy thing to have in town; it
keeps young chaps in at highs. 1t would
yEifwe lived there"
The Society for the Prevention of
Cruelty to Animals, in New York, is out
ilA warning to the proprictors of cars.
trucks, wagons, ETC., to cease to impose
heavier burdens upon their horses than
they can comfortably bear. The num-
bcr of horses must be increased, or the
loads they are compelled to draw must
be diminished. In default of compli-
ance the law will be rigidly enforced.
A disheartencd watering place land
lord gives vent to his feelings in the fol-
lowing paraphrase: BROAD is the way
that leads to France, and many sail to-
gether there; while Newport shows her
favorite haunts, with here and there
traveller"
John Cassidy, of Hartford, has accept
ed the challenge of James Sullivan, of
Providence, to climb one hundred poles
for one hundred dollars u side, against
time. The poles are to be erected, forty
to the mile, and each man is to climb far
enough to touch the top Of each, descend,
run, to the next, and so on till the opera
ton is finished. One must do the whole
before the other begins, and the one who
performs the task in the shortest time,
wins.
70 ca, Il. nf S.~~
sit In the lap of luxury.
Why is prosy preacher like the mud
die of a wheel? Because the fellows
around him are tired.
II come off with flying colors" as the
painter said when he fell from the ladder
with q palette over his thumb.
Among the patents granted last week
was one of Jerseyman for Improved
composition for sausages.' We have
heard OF a mixture of dog, red flannel
and turnips as composition for sausage,
but il is not likely that it was ever pat
cnted. What the improvement may be
we are at loss to imagine.
II saw lady wrapped up in shawl
that she would not take six hundred
dollars for said Smith to Jones. II
can beat that all hollow retorted Jones:
"for | saw a lady that was so wrapped
up in her baby that she wouldn't have
taken six hundred thousand dollars
forit.s
What is it that people wish TO have,
and then wish to get rid of? A good
appetite.
While Rev. j. Ballard was delivering
a temerance lecture in Grand Haven,
Mich, the other night, and was depict
ing in his graphic style the condition of
dcttram tremens in the "rum maniac"
an old lady became so influenced by her
imagination, wrought upon by the ora
tor, that when he was describing the
sensation Of reptiles crawling up from
below, she arose from her seat, walked
up to the table, and looked over for the
purpose of seeing the snakes. This COM
pletely upset the gravity Of the meeting,
and 1t was some time before the speaker
could 80 Oh.