Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-07-09
MOO2abeO7l1S.

Spiritual Manifestations on To-
per's nose.
ga ruler Yields the strength of the people; =
but the schoolmaster yields the ruler.
IF YOU would obey the order, ''fre and fall
back shoot with an overloaded musket.
It good sight to see the color Of health
upon mans face, but not to see 1t all on his
nose.
Why is an elephant running forcibly against
q large tree like traveller on a railroad? Be
cause he gets his trunk checked
A housekeeper doesn't see the propriety OF
market report which calls an advance OF cent
a pound IAN improvement In beet.
The ssFat Contributor, says he was asked to
write a s'take off !" on the ''Black Crook he
replied that he couldn't see anything totake OH.
A lady said to little boy on looking at a very
correct ambrotype lone of Burdett's best, OF
the latter: "Why Arthur, is this you?
'sNo, but it is lake me- . l.
A priest asked tipsy fellow, leaning against
fence, where he expected to 60 when he died.
eff cant get along any better then than now,
can't go nowhere" said he.
Jones complained of bad smell about the
post Office, and asked Brown what could it be.
Brown didn't know, but suggested that it might
be caused by the dead letters"
friend % aTwo co1stables, sab. ssYes, but I
mean, had intemperance anything to do with
it?'' EYES, sab, dey was bofe Of EN- drunk. =
''Have you BLASTED Hopes?' asked lady
of green librarian, whose face was much swol-
len by the toothache.
mo, madam but [ have blasted tooth
ache, was the reply.
An old stager says that of all the solemn
hours he ever saw, that occupied in going home
one dark night from the widow Bens after be-
ing told by her daughter that he needn't come
again, was the most solemn.
(Which way do you travel from?' asked a
wag of crooked back gentleman. II came
straight from Wheeling was the reply "Did
your said the other then you must have
been shockingly warped by the railroad. y
"Joe, said soldier to comrade, who was
reading the morning paper, where the devil
Statu Quo? | see this paper says our armys in
Statu Quo?
Dunno replied Joe; recon she must be
the east fork of the Chickamorgy" Il
A countryman going to market with load of
pork, was met by girl who made him low
courtesy, when he exclaimed:
What! do you make a courtesy to dead
mo, sir, answered the girl, to live one. -
A lady in Paris recently caves concert at her
house. ''Do you like Rossini?" said she to one
of her guests. ''Rossini? indeed I do; he is
with his Barber (of Seville] ~ ooh, dear
no, was the reply, Il always shave myself /"
A chap from the country lately visiting Del
monico' came to the word halibut among the
- list of fish on his bill of fare, and thought he
would try some.
Have you any halibut? p" said he,
eyes sir.
Bring me couple"
In short, ladies and gentlemen said an
overpowered orator, Il can only say-beg leave
to add desire to assure you, that [ wish
had window in my bosom, that you might see
the emotion of my heart -
Vulgar boy in the gallery--Won't pain in
the stomach do this time"
A person went into one of the fashionable re-
freshment rooms not long since, and was sur
prised at seeing nothing on the table.
What will you have?" asked the waiter.
Jonathan stared like struck pick, and said !:
81 don't know
Would you like bill of fare, sir?'
wall, thank you, | don't care if do take
a small piece"
An exchange in speaking of absent minded
ness, tells remarkably rough story of bach
friend. 1t says: He is in the habit when he
comes to his tea, of putting the kettle on the
stove and taking snooze until the kettle begins
to sing, when he would get up and make his
tea. The other evening, being little prostra-
ted on the account Of old Simpkin's daughter
cutting him on the street, he put the Kettle
on the lounge and got upon the stove himself
and never discovered his mistake until he began
to sing"