The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1867-01-10
Arbrsot1 yntelliyertter.
An Editor at a Fancy Ball.

An Editor at a Fancy Ball.
The editor of the vicksburg Times re-
Gently attended fancy ball, and thus
narrates his experience in learning to
waltz 49,,
On account perhaps Of the manifold
duties always pressing upon u.s. we nave
never learned to waltz-we have never
placed our arm around fragile, fairy,
,fieecy huctuating form, and whirligigged
,aronnd loose. but at the grand masque-
rade and fancy dress ball on last Tuesday
nigbt we happened to express our re-
egrets at this deficiency in our education
to a. young, plump, fresh, and closely
sJominoed injun girl, while we were prom
enading the vast hall with the luscious
..humpsy-dumpsy. 49,,
She sweetly intimated that the hubbub
sofs such an occasion, when q faux-pas
would scarcely be noticed, was the very
bost time in the world to learn. We
would not acknowledge our name, II we
had backed out from such an offer, and
as q matter of course, we very shyly re-
onested her to afford the sublimely per-
pendicular pleasure of a small lesson,
merely for the purpose OF getting &C
,ouainted with each other, and giving US
3 relish for our vietuals atsupper. Sweet
and gorgeous aborigine-without swear
ing she'd ne'er consent-she consented
dry SO. Gently, delicately, fastidiously,
and timidly we placed our arm around
her plain waist-and almost wasted away.
Her long, raven locks tickled our elbow.
Thousands of spotted beads vibrated and
tinkled about her fairy form as her bosom
rose and fell to give them melody, like an
Eolean harp upon the heaving sea.
Her hand was in ours-as soft as
pussy cats back, as she silently watches
s mouse hole at the calm and witching
hour of twilight. Her left foot was
against our right boot. The gaudy feath-
ers upon her moccasins tickled our man
" knees. Our eyes met. Two soft and
melting glauces shot out Of the two holes
in her domino, and two soft and melting
glances shot out of the two holes in our
domino-and coming together in the mid
die emitted sparks like the r. E. Lee
rounding to at Williams wharfboat on
dark night in the latter part OF Decem-
bor. Music arose with its voluptuous
swell and drew nearer unto US, and we
arose with our voluptuous swell and drew
nearer unto the female red man. Her
warm breath was upon our check.
Her spotted beads tickled our fingers,
and her long raven hair went dippy-ty-
flop over our shoulder. We had not yet
waltzed an inch, and we didn't care
Confederate bond if we never moved
from that spot, till tho editor of the
Vicksburg Herald joined the Sons Of
Temperance. We shook back our yellow
locks. and Immediately tho air was laden
with the balmy odor Of Martha Wash
ington Hair Restorative, for sale by Har-
daway & Co., and all respectable drug
gists. We bowed low our editorial head,
and whispered in o voice whose dulcet
and mellihuous notes would have melted
the heart of deputy constable: "Gor-
seous child of the forests, whose ances-
tors discovered Columbus, would we
were a glove upon that hand, that we
might touch that check-would we were
Q pair of moccasins upon those feet, that
we might caress thy corns-would we
were q hank of yarn, strung with spotted
beads, that we might encircle that form
would we were large, long bunch of
raven hair that we might flop around that
neck-would we were an open barrel OF
golden syrup, that thou might dip thy
finger in us, and lick it-would we were
ascoronet, that we might rest upon that
brow-would we were o roll of green
backs, that we might stay in thy pocket,
would we were brindle dog, that we
might guard thy wig. .wam-would that
we wero a big black ROSTERS tail, that we
might dangle near thy face-would we
were an Indian Chief" Thus far we
spaketh, and she sighed. Her ruby lips
did part, and she spoketh, eff you are
done moulding up we'd better let in,
for the music is wasting away" We let
in, and we wasted away. Our two hearts
beat with such responsive throbs, that q
creased case knife could not have entered
between the throbs.
asIt seemed as if ter. thousand caterpil-
lars were emigrating up our back, and
little turtle doves were picking meal
bran out of. our ears. Huge sighs
of the size of rutabaga turnip escaped
our lips; we heard murmuring brooks
and whispering boughs, and warbling
birds, and tinkling cow bells, and we
Aoated away on fcecy cloud of one
hundred dollar ggeenback bills. The mu-
sic ceased, but the Washington Hall kept
on waltzing. The Indian maiden sought
her native forests, and we were carried
by our friends to the Times office, with
cramp in the bottom of our feet, and our
eyes turned wrong side outwards. :
Josh. BILLINGS PRAYER.-From too
many friends, and from things at loose
Ill.