Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-08-30

II may seem psradoxieal, but il is fact
that while some aver that the rage for chig-
mons is going down, the fashions Gems 70 be
going up.
A MAX boasiing in a company Of ladies that
he had very luzuriant head Of hair, lady
observed that it was all owing to the n.eiJg'r.
ness Of The sol.
A WAC Of boarder complained TO the mis-
tFess that the sun must have gone under a
cloud. when the shadow Of tue chicken fell
into The BOT where her broth was made.
PRAcTIcE does not always make perfect
/ Curran, when told By his physician that he
seemed to cough With more difficulty, replied
That is odd enough, for / have been prae-
ticing ali night.
SIS It not astonishing, said a wealthy in
| diyidaal, f.that a large fortune was left me by
a person who had only seen me onee1' at
would have been still more astonishing,
said wag, III he had left II TO you afser sec
ing you twice"
Two friends meeting, one remarked, Il
have Just met a man who told me | looked
/ Ike yoa.' aTeI me who it was, that / may
knock him down, replied his friend.
''Dost trouble yourself said he, u did
that myself Immediately.
Az old lady was telling her grandchildren
about some trouble IN Scotland, IN the course
Of which the chief Of her elan was beheaded.
1T was nae great thing Of a head. to be sure,
said the good lady, shut il was a sad loss to
him.
A POOR NAN in Providence was fined and
sen, to jail ten days for falling asleep in
church The Providence Journal says. IF
laboring man is to be sent 70 Jail for sleeping
during a sermon, how much more should a
preacher suffer for q failure 10 keep bis hear
ers awake"
a GEyTLENAS, going 70 take boat at Rich
mond. cried out. Who can SWIM 81,
master, came from forty bawling mouths;
but one fellow turning about said, Sir, /
cannot swim" Then you are my man,
SAID the gentleman, for you viii at least
take care Of me for your own sake.
| A SHEEplsH CoNPuNEyT.-Lord CockbuTn
was sitting on the hillside at Bonaly. with a
shepherd, and, observing the sheep reposing
il the coolest situation, remarked TO him:
/ ''John, If were sheep, would lie on the
other side Of the bill.
The shepherd answered, "Ah, my Lord, Il
ye had been sheep ye'd nae had mair
sense.
a BAsHFUL young man escorted an equally
baghful young lady. As they approached the
dwelling Of the damseI she said, entreatingly.
'Jehiel don't tell any body you beaued me
home.
"sry," said he, emphatically, don't you
mind. I'm as much ashamed Of it as you
are"
MARRIAGE is, in common parlance; said to
be the making Of new ties. Ponderiug on
this subject, have noted down some Of the
ties with which I should like marriage TO
make me acquainted:
Firstly, should like to find beauty com
bined with purity, modesty, seusibili-ty and
fidelity.
Secondly, / should wish to meet with a
property IA certainty which would be sure
ty, to make the marriage tie duty, aud Sc
curi-ty to society. For variety, | should
delight in an occasional gaie-ty, gravity, To-
| quaci-ty ard jolli-ty, accompanied always, BY
an infui.ty Of amiabili-ty ty.
Could find all these ties in unity, / think
the new tie would indeed prove novelty,
and, am quite sure, a Eicety, which
would make life a reality. In such a case |
should not atall mind giving up the only tie
have at present, my liberty.
BASE ball clubs are all the rage nova
days. Our friend "Jeems' thought Of at
taching himself to the Quaker City Club, and
would, doubtless, have sent in his name had
it net been for the fact that his friend John
has now an eye draped in mourning, caused
| by catching the ball on his peeper instead Of
in his hands, and hearing the following col
| loguy between an enthusiastic admirer and
prayer Of the game Of base ball and gent
whose regard for his personal comfort led
him to eschew such unruIy sports as he term
ed them:
"What is the matter with your GDger'
Struck with ball and drove up, but it is
a noble game, - was the reply.
''Precisely-and your thumb is useless, is
it not?"
"Yes, struck with ball aud broken"
THAT finger joint?'
"a ball struck it. No better game 10 i'm
prove a mans physical eondition-strength.
ems ones sinews."
'You walk lame; that foot, isn'g''
"No. It's thc-the-t -the-well, q bat flew
out ofa players hand and hit my knce-pan.
He had the innings"
= Gone Of your front teeth is gone
knocked out by ball-an accident"
"Your right hand and your nose have been
! peeled-how's that2''
"SHpped down at second base-oply a
mere scratch"
"And you like this kind Of fun?'
GLORY in it, sir. It's the healthicst game
! in the world, sir.
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