The tri-weekly standard. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1866-1868, 1867-10-26
From the Brandon Republican.
HARD SHELL SERMON.

sind when they RE mp in the morning, behold
they scas all Dead Corpuses"
"My friends and hearers, will preach
onto you this day-win and weather
permittin-from the thirty-sevingth
chapter Nv Isaisy, thirty-sixth verse
An the destroyin angel smote in the
camp of the Syrecians hundred and
forescore and five thousands men-ah.-
an aohen they riz up IN the morning,
behold they aoas all dead c0rp,tses. An
thus it is, my unconverted frens and
hearears, that they destroyin angel
stalk abroad with his meat axe, ready
to sen us to the honeyard afore we kin
sit down to breaktast-ah. An it is said,
my frens, that roses are, red and violets
are blue-ah, but it's no use of tryin to
honey-fuggle round the angel Gabriel
when he toots his horn fur you to tuck
yo tails and git under dirt-ah.
An when they riz up early in the
morning, behold they was all dead
corpuses."
My wretched brethring and sistring,
es [ was riding along one day, seen
a man a settin on the top Nv his fence;
with double barrel shot gnn ON his
lap-ah, an a swettin an a fannin NV his
self with nolde straw hat, an cussin
Nv the forth NV July, and North Amiri-
ky, an the Constitution, an the Supreme
Court, an the bird Nv liberty, an the
President Nv the United States-ah, an
when hearn that man cussin an
seen that big shotgun, thinks to my
self, i'll the words NV the text ah-
An when they riz up early in the
morning, behold they was all dead
corpuses."
An tole old Roam too wo, and sez
I, my ungodly fren, if you swear in that
ere way you will forever and eternally
ruinate yo immortal soul, and never git
nibble when you go a tishin-ah and
sez he, {" You go too hell, you dam'd
ole misshapen, misbegotten, mistake nv
creation-ah, eff you had to git the grass
ont Nv a cotting crap with free niggers,
you'd git upon stump and cuss your |
self out nv yo dan'd old yaller hide, an
go to hell for yo health ah." And sez
|, "My erin fren, it cuts me to the
marrar to see you strugglin in the
bondage NV sin-ah." An sez he, "My
punkin faced customer, eff you kin cline
that air tall red oak tree dar and see
anything in this here miserable Ian but
iron wede and crab grass you kin take
my old hat for henness." An sez |,
" My hard swearln fren, [ am afeared
you will never register yo name in the
book of eternal life ah.' An sez he.
"I went to town las Monday to reois,
ter an I couldn't get a sight w the
book for the dam greasy niggers-ah."
" on. mistaken human" sez 1, a
trimble fur yo future, fur you are on the
road leadin too perdition ah." An
sez he, "You are a dam'd ole liar, for
I'm OH the road a leadin to Benton-ah.
heaved a groan my hearers, and sez 1,
"An when they riz up early in the
marning, behold they was all dead
r,~ ..s g..
An sez he, "Let EN- riz an be dam'd
to EN- allah" .@" Oh, my sufferin feller
creetur," ser I, "ef you would be sue
fur grace you might cum to jine that
heavenly quire, and be mancipated a
frum the shackles NV sin-ah." An he
cooked up his gun an sez he, 81 had
twenty-six likely niggers mapcipated on il
my hans wonst an ef you open yo jaw t
bout Emancipation to me again I'll make
Ouzzard vittles out nv yo dam'd ole
Swlyeled up carkass befo hell could
cripple NV a gnat-ah." My constant
ifen and hearers, when seen that wick
Ga ca man cockin up his gun, 1 begun a
It,, lee exceeding jubous, and the words
w q tne tex smoted upon my ear-ah-s
ro An when they rig up early in the
rUrning, c"rn, behold they wuz all dead
Cd nu'' my christian hearers, / felt call
on ": upon to- try my han one more time
blasmIls ,,ls oclurlt man-ah an sez /, "My -
An ssplemous spou fren, you are continually
mc;tIt 8Iever dam'd-ah, eff you don't i'm r
ab '.rry on5 git down ofaer that air fence /
and u N.Y." 60 to some sequestered spot "a
pray fur 20 souls redemnt;on ab ), 0l