The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1867-12-27

SOuh SSulll getS Oh lne iOiIO"luS u0oA
burlesque. in the New York Sunday Dis
patch:
BIRcHrowE ACADEMY, Sept. go.
DEAR POP: am getting along first
rate al The school and like it very much
all except Whacks, the assistaLt-"Old
Bseswsx," We cal him, and we are down
on him like pile driver, all US boys, for
he is ignorant. Why, be is SO ignorant
he don't know black board from dark
night. no, he don'r and Bill Ferguson he
put torpedo under each leg of old Bee
sey's chair yesterday, and when be sat
down (you see he sets down like he had
ballast in him, why the torpedoes they
exploded, and liked to bowed him
through the roof. Goily, but wasn't he
scared! He looked at the almanac TO
make sure il wasn't the fourth of July,
and then be came down, looking mad,
aud licked Bill like blszes But Bill! said
no didn't care cent. aud the next time
he would sprinkle guDpowder in his chair
and bust his old ironuspiece offot him.
DR.. George, he's a nice enough old
Teller, only be will sit and chew gum drops
right before US boys, aud never says take
some," once.
He wears green specks, and calls him
self Bill Ferguson, he called him cold
four eyes" one day which the doctor he
beard Bill say it, and he nailed him and
dragged him up to The desk, aud then lie
gave US lecture, and said there was once
a boy lac knew, aud he was about BhPs
size. who iusuted a gray haired old man,
and called him wicked names, and the
next day-tLe very next morning-the
boys mother died of inf4matory rheuma
tl7m aud his sister broke out with bunions.
Bill, he cried, while The doctor held him
by the shirt collar, but he winked at the
boys as ne came away, and wrote on
piece of paper and threw over 10 me, that
he thought the doctor was blower"
aud he darsent hit boy of his size.
want some new books very much,
about ten OF them, aud they will cost
eight dollars. Please send the money for
them. Don't eend the books, for the
doctor likes 10 buy them here.
| don't want any money for tafy or
marbles, for don't care about them; but
be cure not to send anything but the mon
ey for the books.
am in good health, 1 was taken sick
last week, and had sore eye for few
days, but it is we'll now.
We was playing mumbly peg out on the
grass, and Bill Ferguson he grabbed my
knife. told him lie had better give that
knife up or | would tell you, ami get you
to lick him when yon came down, aud he
said he could HEX you and a dozen like
you, and then be dare me 10 knock chip
off his shoulder.
And Jake McGinnis, he pushed me
against him, he struck me over the nose
three or four times, and said he'd "bust
ne on the sDooI" if l didn't dry up, for
| couldn't help crying, and l was taken
sick, aud couldn't SO to school all that
day.
And the doctor, he locked Bill up 10
the garnet; but be didn't care, for be
clumb out on tie roof, and was chasing
round after tom cats, up and down, al
most all the morning, and pulling plas-
tering out of the chimney to throw at the
people in the street.
Give my love TO all at home. and don't
forget the money forthe books.
Bill is about fourteen; do you think be
can lick you?
Please send the money, and believe me
your affectionate son.
R. M. WILKrNs.
P. S.-Don't forget TO send the money
for these books.