Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1867-12-27

But she's just the blessedcst baby,
just crn. @ heS i s,o.fing vii; with goodies,
Trum the ton c,eaT down to the toe. y
II Emily Hsnsingtes Miller.
gn,,1oroms.
LII lftjmc is money, orr devil says
he would like to exchange little for the
hard"
GB A Yankee down east has recently
invented rat cxterusfnstor, consistin. Of
sort of powder snuff. Tho animal jerks
his head of Mt tie third sneeze!
NJ No wonder Weston is good
walker. It turns out now that he used to
be collector for newspaper Office.
T A London paper has the follow
ing advertisement:
A piano for sale, by lady about to
cross the channel with carved legs, In an
oak case.
|" The following error in punctua-
ton is good illustration Of the use Of the
comma. At a banquet this toast was Civ
en-: s'Woman-without her man is a
BRUTE"
NJ What Is the difference between a
child that fall from the top landing to the
bottom one and traveller visiting Mag
ara. One falls down the stairs, and the
other starcs down the falls.
ST- The fence Of graveyard in
Richmond. Ind, bears this inscription in
large white letter r:-"Use-'s Bittcrs II
you would keep out ofhere."
;J- Little Susie, porins over book
in which angels were represented as wing
cd beings, suddenly remarked, with vehc-
mence:
Mamma, don't want to be an angel,
and necdnt-need ?"
"Why, Sueie~' questioned her mother.
snumph? leave of all my pretty clothes.
and wear fellers like hen!'
W A Western paper thus notices a
marriage: "Spliccd-On the sth, at the
residence Of the old cock, Sal Chowder, to
Dobyn Darnit. May their mug of happi-
ness be filled to the tip, and the glim Of
their meri mess never be d0used."
H~ A traveller stopped at an inn In
a ncigcboring village, and finding the
landlord al d landlady fighting, cried out
.Halloo, who keeps this houscg
The wife replied, That's just what We
are trying to decide
W. Matrimony vs. Single-Blessed.
ness.-Matrimony is: Hot buckwheat cake,
warm beds, comfortable slippers, smoking
coffee, round arms. red lips. kind words,
shirts exulting in buttons, redeemed stock
ings, boot-jacks, happiness. etc. Hurrrh
Single-blessednes is: Sheet iron quilts,
blue noses, frosty rooms. Ice In the pitcher,
unregenerated linen, heelless socks, cof-
fee sweetensd with iciclos, guttapercha
biscuits, flabby steak, dull razors, corns'
coughs, colics, rhubarb, misery, etc. Ugh
PAT AND THE DEAcON.-Snme months
ago, a. Deacon Ingslls, Of Swampscort
Il. l.. was travelling through the swamp,
Of Western part Of the State Of New
York. he fell in with IN lrishman who had
lately arrived in this country. and was in
search Of brother who had come before
HIM and settled in some Of the diggings IN
that part Of the country.
Pat was strong man, Q true Roman
Catholic aud bad never seen the interior Ol
a Protestant church. Ingalls, was pious
man. He told Pat he was going to church,
and invited his new made friend to keep
him company thither. his destination being
small meetinghouse near BY. There wat
q revival there at the time. aud one Of the
des sons who was q very small man iu
stature, invited brother Ingalls, TO q seat in
bis pew. He accepted the invitation, fol.
lowed by Pat, who looked in vain for the
altar. sc. After he was seated. he turned
around to brother Iugalls. and In q whis-
per that could bc heard all round. he in
quired:
.Sure, an isn't this hereto church Z"
.Hush.' said Ingalls,, If you speak q
word they will put you out
Devil word will speak at all at all,
replied Pat.
The meeting was opened by prayer by
the pastor.
Pat was eyeing him very closely. when
an old gentlemen, who was standing in the
pew directly in front Of Pat, shouted
amen! p"
Hist. We hlackguard' Have 70 no da
cency At all p said Pat. at the same tim.
giving him 4 punch in the ribs. which
caused him to loso his equilibrium.
The minister stopped. and extending hi
hands in suppliant manner. said:
Brethren, we cannot be disturbed in thi
way. Will some one put that man ont !?
Yes, your riverence,' shouted Pat. :.
will do it"
And su ting tho action to the word. h
collared the deacon. and to the utter hor
ror of the postor. brother Ingalls,. and th'
whole congregation, be dragged him u,