The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-10-28
a YANKRE IN TIE ORIENT.
PostlcnI nnmbuRRerY.

travel, want tourist for breakfast. For years
and years have dreamed of the wonders of the
Turkish bath; for years and years l have pro-
missed myself that would yet enjoy one. Many
and many time, in fancy, have lain in the
marble bath, and breathed the slumbrous fra.
GRANGE OF Eastern spices that filled the air; then
passed through weird and complicated sys-
tenn OF pulling and hauling, and drenching aud
scrubbing, by gang of naked savaees, who
loomed vast and vaguely through the
steaming mists, like demons then
rested for while on a divan it for a
king; then passed through another complex
ORDEAL ana one more fearful than the first; and
hnally, swathed in soft fabrics, was CONVEYED 10
a prlncely saloon and laid upon q bed OF elder
down, where eunucbs, gorgeous of costume
famed me while | dTowsed and dreamed or
contenledly gazed al the rich haugiugs OF the
apartment, the soft carpets, the sumptuous fur
nuure, the pictu1esi and drank delicious coffee
smoked the soothing narghii, and dr. )pped at
the last, into tranquil Tepose, lulled by sensuous
doors iIom unseen Censers, by the gentle inau.
ence OF the narghirs Persian tobacco, and by
the music OF fountains that counterleited the
pattering of summer rain.
That was the picture, just as got 1t from in
cendlary books of travel. 1t was DOOR misera.
ole ltaud; Ihe reality IS no more like it than
the FIVE Points are like the Garden of Eden,
They received me in great court paved with
marble slabs; around it were broad galleries
one above another, carpeted with seedy mating
railed with unpainted baustrades and furnished
with huge, rlckoty chairs, cushioned with rusty
old mattresses indentCd with impressions left
by the forms of nine successive generations of
men who had reposed upon them. The place
was vast, naked, dreary-lts court barn its
galleries stalls for human horses The cadava.
rous, halt-nude varlets that served in the esta-
blishment had nothing OF poetry in their appear
ance, nothing OF romance, nothing of Oriental
splendor. They shed no enhancing odors-iust
the contrary. Their hungry eyes and their lank
forms continually suggested one glaring, unsen-
timental fact-they wanted a square meal"
l went up into one of the racks and un-
dressed. An unclean starvelng wrapped a
gaudy table'cloth about my loinsy and hung a
white Tag over my shoulders. If had had
tub then, 1t would have come natural with me
to take in washing l was then conducted
down stairs into the wet, slippery court and
the first things that attracted my attention were
my heels. My fall excited no comment They
expected it, no doubt. 1t belonged in the list
OF softening, sensuous influences peculiar to
this home of Eastern luxury. 1t was soften
ing enough, certainly; but its application was
not happy. They now gave me pair of wooden
clogs, benches in miniature, with leather
straps over them to contne my feet (Which
they would have done, only do not wear No.
1881. These things dangled uncomfortably by
the straps when lifted up my feet, and came
down in awkward and unexpected places
when put them on the floor again, and some
times turned sideways and wrenched my ankles
out of joint However, it was all Oriental
luxury, and did what could to enjoy it.
They put me in another part OF the barn and
laid me on stuffy sort of pallet, which was not
made of cloth of gold or Persian shawls, but
was merely the unpretending sort OF thing
have seen in the negro quarters of Arkansas.
There was nothing whatever in this dim marble
prison but five more of these biers. 1t was
very solemn place. expected that the spiced
odoTs Of ArSb{ were going to steal over
skeleton, with a rag around him, brought me a
glass decanter OF water, with lighted tobacco
| long, with a brass mouth-piece to it, 1t was the
famous 'narghilin Of the East-the thing the
| Grand Turk smokes in the pictures. This began
TO look like luxury. l took one blast at 1T, and
| it was sufficient. The smoke all went down my
throat. 1t came back in convulsive snorts
through my nose. 1t had vile taste, and the
taste OF a thousand infdel tongues that remained
on that brass mouth-piece was viler still. l
was getting discouraged. Whenever hereafter
/ see the cross-legged Grand Turk smoking his
narehll, in pretended bliss, on the outside OF a
paper of Connecticut tobacco, | shall know him
| for the shameless humbug he is.
This prison was filled with hot air, When /
had got warmed up sufficiently to prepare me
| for still warmer temperature, they took me
/ where it was-into a marble room, wet, slippery,
and steamy, and laid me out on raised plat
| form in the centre. 1t was very warm. Pre-
| sently my man sat me down by tank of hot
water, drenched me well, gloved his hand with
| coarse mitten, and began to polish me ali over
| with 1t. | began to smell disagreeable. The
more he polished, the worse smelt, It was
1
| pretty far gone. 1t is plain that l ought to be
| buried without any unnecessary delay. Per-
| haps you had better go after my friends at once,
| because the weather is warm, and | cannot
| keep long," He went on scrubbng, and paid
| no attention. | soon saw that he was reducing
| my size. He bore hard on his mitten, and from
under 1t rolled little cylinders, like maccaroni.
1t could not be dirt, for it was too white. He
pared me down in this way for a long time.
| Finally said:-"It is a tedious process; it will
| take hours to trim me to the size you want me.
will wait; go and borrow a jack-plane." He
paid no attention at all.
After while he brought q basin, some soap,
and something that seemed to be the tail of a
horse He made up prodigious quantity Of
soap.suds, deluged mo with them from head to
foot, without warning me to shut my eyes, and
then sWabbed me yiciously with the horse-tan.
Then he left me there, statue of snowy lather,
and went away. When I got tired of waiting,
went and hunted him up. He was prOpped
against the wall, in another room, asleep.
woke him. He was not disconnected. He took
me back and flooded me with eXhaustng hot
water, then turbaned my head, sWathed me
with dry table-coths, and conducted me to q
| latticed chicken-coop in one OF the galleries,
and pointed 10 one of those Arkansas beds. /
| mounted il, and vaguely expected the odors oil
ATaby again. They did not come, The blank, un,
| ornamented coop had nothing about 1t of that
| Oriental yoluptuousuess one reads OF so much.
| 1t was more suggestive Of the county hospital
| than ANYTHING else. The skinny serVitor
brought a narghili, and got him to take It out
again without wasting any time about it, Then
| he brought the wOrld-renowned Turkish cohee
| that poets have sung so rapturously for many
| oenpTaiions and | seized upon II as the la3t
hone that was left of my old dreams of Eastern
| IuTurv II was another sWindle, Or all the un-
| christian beverages that ever passed my llp5,
Turkish coffee is the worst, Ihe cup ls sInall'