The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-08-16
Cur an Snrts.

A Dutchman was summoned In court 10
identify stolen hog. On being asked II
the hog had any eaf.marks, replied, " Tho
only car'mark dat ] NV was his tail cut
OFT
al wonder" said q Scotch maiden,
''whst my brother John 500 in tho lasscs
that he likes thom % well; for my part, /
wad nae gle tho company o. one lad for
twenty lasses,"
There h even justice In time ; for what
he takes away, be gives something in 70
turn. He robs N OF elasticity OF limb anil
spirit, and In in place he brings TRANQUILITY
and rsposs-,bs mild susumosl we..her Of
tho soul. lfhe takes away hope, he gives
us memory.
A lady wss telling young man OF q
child, q few weeks old, whose grandmother
was only thiny.eight ycan Old. The
young man replied that that was nothing
Tie knew . young lady whose grand chill
dren were not born yet
An Irishman wishing to express his idea
Of the inexhaussible supply Of fish in the
Irish waters, said there arc % many fish IN I
tho sea that u you were 10 take every fish
you could catch. out Of Il, be didn't think
there would be one less in Il!
An old lady in Trenton, N. j., resd IN
account Of the bursting Of grind-stone
used in the saw factory, and became alarmed
lest the grind-stono standing In her cellar
should burst in similar manner and blow
up the house. She had the - dangerous
thing" removed Immediately.
Patick was In charge OF ferry boat
A lady passenger being frightened BY Ill
waves, asked him II People were ever l6bsl
from these bostsf" He gave The eucour-
aging reply, "Not often, ma'am No gen.
orally find them afterwards BY dragging tho
river.
A man down Eas has invented q ma
chine to rcnovate old bachelors. Out OF
good sized, fat, greasy old bachelor, no can
make quite decent young man, and have
enough leR to mako two ANAL puppies, al
pair Of leather brceches, and small kettle
Of son soap.
A darkey preacher was telling how Adam |
was the first man created, and set against
the fence to dry. An old brother who |
sometimes had lucid ideas, interrupted him
aud said: III dat am true, who made do |
fenceT Pas around do sasser.
A colored cook expecting company of
her own kind, was II loo how to enter |
tain her friends. Her mistress said :"Polly |
you must make an apology" ia Mis-
sus, how can mako Il? Got no apples,
no eggs, no butter, on sugar, no muffin to
make il wild"
The vito Of one OF tho city fathers OF
New Bedford recently presented her hus.
band with three children at birth. The
delighted father took his little daughter,
four years Of ngc, 10 sec her new relations |
She looked at tho diminutive little beings .
faw moments, when turning TO her father, |
she inquired. /" Pa, which ono are you 60 |
ing to keepF
A certain boarding school teacher alwsysl
served pudding frst 1t dinner; Il was what
h called q minute pudding, made Of rye
meal just brought 10 boil. and then plac- |
ed upon the table. II was the only dish on
the tnble, with promise, which ives in in
variable sauce, Boys tho moro pudding the
moro meat And 20 tho poor divers would
hobs, in tho pudding unal,hero was no room
for meat.
There wss onco a very illiscrase gentle |
man-ono Peter Patterson-appointcd a. |
justice Of tho peace. Tho first day his |
clerk handed him duplicate writ.
Well wot shall l do with II 2" was his |
query.
Nothing but sign your inidah," was
the reply.
"My si,As.-whs, arc theyr'
~.