The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-03-26
THE OAUDLE cusrAIN LECTURES.
CaudIe, I'm the Course Orthe Day, has
Ventured 20 Question the Economy
of "WaShInE at Homer

Eentured to Question the Economy
Or"washins at Home"
"a pretty temper you come to bed in,
Mr. Caudle, l can see! oh, don't deny
i'll think ought to know by this
time. But it's always the way; when
ever l get up a few things, the house
can hardly hold you'll Nobody cries
out more about clean linen than YOU
do-and nobody leads poorwoman SO
miserable a life when she tries to make
her husband comfortable. Yes, Mr..
Caudle-comfortabl You needn't
keep chewing the word, as if YOU
couldn't swallow 1t. Vas there eUeI
such q IcOnldnS No, Caudle, 1 hone not
L should hope that no other wife was
ever put upon as l am! It's all very
well for you. can't have n little wash
at home like anybody else, but you
must go about the house swearing To
yourself, and looking at your wife as
II she Was your bitterest enemy. But
suppose you'd rather we didn't wash
at all. Yes; then you'd be happy! To
be sure you would-you'd like TO have
all the children in their dirt, like potn-
toes; anything, SO that il didn't disturb
you. wish you'd wife who'd never
washed-She'd have suited Won. she
would. Yes; a fine lady, who'd have
let your children go that You might
have scraped 'em. She'd have been
much better cared for than 1 am. /
OAAJ WISH L let all OF YOU 20
without linen at all-yes, all of you. /
wish L could! And if wasn't a slave
10 my family, unlike anybody else, l
should.
NO, Mr.. Caudle; the house isn't
tossed about in water as if it was Noah's
Ark! And you ought to be ashamed of
yourself to talk of Noah's Ark in that
loose manner. Pm sure don't know
what I've done to be married 10 a man
OF such principles. No; and the whole
house doesn't taste of soapSuds either;
and If it did, any other man but YOUR
self would be above naming it. l sup
pose L don't like washing day any more
than yourself What do you say? Yes
dos Ha! you're wrong there, Mr..
Caudle. No; don't like it because IL
makes everybody else uncomforta BILE,
No; and ought not to have been born
a mermaid, that might always have
beer in the water. a mermaid, indeedi
What next will you call me? But no
man, Mr.. Caudle, says such things to
his wife as you. However, as I've said
before, it can't last long, that's one
comfort. What do you say? You're
glad Of it You're a brute, Mr.. CaudleI
No, you didn't mean washing! Tknow
what you meant. A pretty speech to a
woman whose been the wife to YOU [
havel You'll repent when it's too late;
yes, wouldn't have your feelings when
I'm gone, Capdle-no, not for the Bank
of EnglandI
And when we only wash once a
fortnight! Ha! ha! I onlyIwish you had
some wives; they'd wash once a week I
Besides, if once fortnight's too much
for you, why don't you give me money
that we may have things to go month?
Is 1t my fault, If we're short? What do
you say1 Ny once fortnight lasts
three ddysS No, il doesn't; never; well
weH,tVeTy seldom, and that's the same
NaFN II oil 1N a.. IL
ny, and the things must be rinsed
again? DON'T say that; I'm not made
happy by the blacks, and they don't
prolong my enjoyment and, more
than that, you're an unfeeling man to
say so. You're enough to make a wo-
man wish herself in her grave-you are,
Caudle.
"And pretty example you set to
your sonsi Because we'd little wash
to- dav, and there wasn't a hot dinner
and who thinks of getting anything
hot for washerwomen? because YOU
hadn't everything as you always have
1t, you must swear at the cold mutton
and you don't know what that mutt
ton cost pound, dare say-you must
swear at a sweet wholesome Joint, like
lord. What? You didn't Stoedr5 Yes;
it's very well for you TO say so; but /
know when you're swearing and you
swear when you little think of il; and 1
say you must go on swearing AS you
did, and seize your hat like savage,
and rush out of the house, and go and
take your dinner at tavern! a pretty
wife people must think you have.
when they ind you dining at a public
house. A nice home they must think
you have, Mr.. Caudle! What? You'll
do so eVeTy time tCGsh5 Very well.
Mr.. Caudle-Very we'll. Wen soon see
who's tired of that first; for I'll wash a
stocking day if that's all, sooner than
you should have everything as you
like. Ha! that's SO like you; you'd
trample everybody under foot, II you
so don't deny it.
Now, II you begin to shout in that
manner, III leave the bed. It's very
hard that can't say a single word to
you, but you must almost raise the
place. You didn't shOUtS don't know
what you call shouting, then! I'm
sure the people must hear you in the
next house. Mott won't do to call
me soft names now, Caudle; I'm not
the fool that I was when 1 was first
married-I know better now. You're
TO treat me in the manner you have, all
day; and then at night, the only time
and place when can get a word in,
you want TO go TO sleep. How can you
be so mean, Caudle:
What? Why can't I put the Washing
otEt5 Now, You have asked that thou
sand times, but it's no use, Candle! so
don't ask II again. l won't put it out
What do you say? Mrs. PretksEaun
says IFS quite as eheapf Pray, what's
Mrs PretLyman 10 me? / should think,
Mr.. CaudIe, that know very well how
to take care of my family, without Mrs,
Prettyman's advice. Mrs. sPrettyman,
indeed I only wish she'd come here,