Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1867-07-04
Che gepnblitan.
MISS SUSAN.
TIE STORY OF A woMAy's LIFE.

scnOOi, ana the name the cnllurcn naQ CIV
en- me years before soundly oddly enough
| said it over and over in unthinking, OF
rather in preoccupied way, until it lost
all meaning, and became little doubtful
of my own personality. The name did not
seem to fit me at all, and | felt quite like q
hypocrite for ever having answeredto it.
thought knew myself pretty we'll, and fell
to wondering whether | had right TO be
so calm and mild and patient, SO long-suf
fering, so unresisting, SO tame rs was in
the school room. ~
Some teach naturally, some by the grace
of God; but as for me, | thought of great
and strong necessity. rebeiled. my will
keeping myself ont of sight meanwhile. l
am not sure, after all. but it was tho very
best discipline Icould have had, but know
L did not think so at the time. l was then
but it is no matter how old l was--r OF
that was ever careful of my years, but
people measure them so differently. was
full fOrty-five in knowledge of suffering,
though my check was not witcd as il is
| nov, and my eyes then had a kind of slum-
bering fire in them that never liked to en-.
counter in the glass. 1t brought me too
near my own spirit, and of that I was
afraid.
But that night, years ago, when | sal in
my parlor alone the children all gone. and
the house filled with ghostly silence, was
eXultant, and gave an unchecked rein TO
myself There was such delight in act
ing what felt; in throwing off the sbhor-
red Miss Susan, who wore my garments
day by day and reproved me at every turn
I'LL she became like the horrible monster
that haunted its remorseful maker To death.
| seemed to- have dual existence each life
proving upon the other and demanding
rights that could never he conceded
Miss Susan believed in God; | doubted his
mercy; Miss Susan had faith In humanity;
distrusted even my little children. Miss
Susan had heart to love and be loved; |
coul live alone unlOvcd and knowingly
Yet Miss Susan was not sentimental nor
was | cold. The fact of existence was a
/ joy 10 me. The grass was delight to my
senses even more than the flowers, because
its universally gave rest to both mental
and physical vision. The mountains brought
peace, the rivers exhileration, the skies cx-
ultation. Books were q perpetual j ~
though afar off greater. But there was
one line ofthOught that haunted me every
where, and that could be thrown off only
by strong and persistent effort of the will.
Even then it had its revenge, and il
would creep into my dreams when the
will was asleep.
What feared most OF all was the past
| There had been a time when | was not
Miss Suan, bit daughter Susan, and sister
Susie; and when was no longer daughter,
the mo;herly element entered into the sis
terly, and lived my own childhood over
again in my little Emily. At first hated
the child in my natural. unreasonable way.
because the mother died that she might
live, and my infinite loss / thought could
never be made good by the little atom that
grasped so helplessly at life and cluny a.
To the lem of its garment, but would not
be shaken off.
! My father was = strong man with vio-
ledt nature. which fell to my lot, while En-
i.y was gentle and reasonable. like the
mother Forced to care for her, was won
by her innocent ways, thouph my will held
out long after my heart succunbed.
My father bore the shock of the sudden
death as a tower bears the shock Of the
ocean, outwardly unmOved. but secretly
undermined; and when he fell was alone
with the child. the innocent cause OF my
double bereavement. Then, and not until
then, did turn to- her. The love of my
life was lavishcd on her. and had neither
thought nor inclination for any other. AS
soon as she had passed the period of baby
hood, and the little feet could run without
care, took the first steps toward securing
a livelihood for us both. The homestead
was mine, together with the father scanty
savings for fifteen or twenty years; but
had my own plans for this sister child oi
mine, and must prepare for the future. Ii
was very hard to decide on converting the
old time decping room, so full OF memories
of the dead, into school-roOm, but il was
the best could do. The scholars came in
slowly, and was more than once tempted
to try something else.
Quiet was irksOmc to me; my ambition
always outran both opportunity and
strength. i had no patience with the ser
vice of those who only stand and wall; 50
| worried and fretted, and was not always
motherly to my poor Emily. am afraid
for how could be calm and perpctually
gentle with nerves strung TO the point OF
vibration? So innocently her eyes rcbukcd
me sometimes. | remember il all now. and
see where lost influence over her. Often
life was very dull to me, and only for hope
| should have cared very little at night
whether woke in this world or the next
But hope brought dreams to me, as she
does To all who trust in her, and the picture
Of my darling's future was brought in gen
uine Titan coloring on its black back
ground.
Time, that waits for no man, is not q
whit more polite to woman; and while
thought myself still young. my child slipped
out OF childish frOcks and ways, hid her
dolls and read romances. grew inattentiyt
IN school, and tried my patience beyond IL
limit OF endurance. | am afraid | was
harder with her than any mother would
have been. was stupid, / acknowledge
but how could believe that this child car
cd for any one but me? / saw il at last
and put forth my strong will, which wal
met by stronger.
/ had marked David Tracy when he first
came to the place; and thinking of il calm
ly was not surprised that Emily should
be pleased and flattered by his attentions
still did not believe that she loved him
He was a young physician, young, though
! thirteen years her senior, who had forced
his way against every obstacle, and secured
that every physician had failed to do, the
entire practice of five country towns.
admired the mans persistency, and his
power TO compel circumstances yet knew
= Vi nuuiti nbhuiC w OC SulC llidt Tx
would never make my child happy. And
I did not like his way. If he loved my sis
ter. why not come in manly way, instead
ofinfiuencing her by stealth and out OF my
sight? I was angry, and did not scruple to
reproach Emily for lack Of confidence in
me. suppose / took the best means in
the world to wean her from me and attach
her to him; at least succeeded admirably
in doing both.
] All her schoolmates envied her, and that
was all in his favor. Miss Susan was an
/ old maid, and naturally enough, opposed
young people, because she was satisfied
j with her condition and unwilling that they
should be happier than she. Perhaps he
did not say just this, but he meant it, which
is the same thing, and between the two
/ there came to be a tacit understanding, and
i was a third person. tos T
1 III could have proved him dishonest