Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-01-08
Wise and OtHe7'aCiSe.


,--,~-~,1-oo---oo~~-~~o
If young lady wishes to encourage her lover
when he gives her squeeze, the best thing she
can do is to press him.
What air does the young mouse sing to the
old mouse, when biting his way through the
scenery at the opera? Hear me gnaw, ma.
A person asking wit if the tolling of bell
did not remind him of his latter end, was an
swered "No; but the rope puts me In mind OF
yours. .
A rich Philadelphia contractor, in severe
fit of govt told his physician he suffered the
pains of the damned. The doctor coolly an
swered, ''What already"
Why is beggar with his toes out of his shoes
like the king of Prussia? Because the king OF
Prussia issues manifestoes, and poor beggar
has manifest toes to his shoes.
''How well he plays for one SO young y said
Mrs. Darlington, as the organ boy performed
with a monkey near the door, land how much
his little brother looks like him to be sure!'
''Haye you the Exile of Erin here?' asked
lady, few days since, of a clerk in book
store. ''No, ma am" was the answer; 'haln' t
got no eggs lie; we've got a prime article OF
bars lie, if that Il answer"
A mother admonishing her son, a lad of some
seven years of age, told him, he should never
The little urchin replied then, mother, let S
eat the rest of the plum pudding tonight.
A man in New Hampshire had the misfor-
tune recently to lose his wife. Over the grave
he caused stone to be raised, on which, in the
depth of his grief, he had ordered to be put:
'"rears cannot restore her, therefore l weep.
A lawyer who was trying case in the SUI
preme court, the other day, said he had two
witnesses In court IN support OF the cause OF
his Client and that they would be sure to speak
the truth, for he had no opportunity OF commu-
nicating with them
One Of the Bureau officials while travelling
recently in the cars in Alabama, noticed lady
with negro in attendance, and he remarked !:
MADAM, [ see you have one of my children. !"
Eyes, sir, !" replied the lady, Il perceive the
resemblance y
A fast Irishman, in time Of revival, joined
the church, but was found shining grievously
soon afterwards. Didn't you join the Metho-
dists?' inquired piously disposed person
'Faix an did, [ jined for six months and |
behaved so we'll that they let me off with three. +"
"Why don't you get married ?" said a young
lady to bachelor friend
"Well, I've been trying for the last ten years
to get some one fool enough to have me" re-
piled the bachelor.
Guess you havn't been up in our quarter
much, was the insinuating rejoinder.
Don feint," said the corn to the cloud.
''Oh, dear. [ shall drop, said the cloud to
the corn.
''You are queer blade" said the cloud and
"Ill box your ears if you are impertinent. y
You're getting high-but I would advise
you to refrain from further remarks, said the
corn stalking about.
The celebrated portrait painter, Stuart, once
met lady in the street in Boston, who saluted
him with:
"Ah Mr.. Stuart, I have just seen your min
iature and kissed it because it was so much like
you.
''And did it kiss you in return ?"
why, no.
'Then, said Stuart, it was not like me. :"
A gentleman who recently put up at log
tavern in Wisconsin, was awakened by young
man who commenced serenade thus:
''Oh Sally Rice,
I've called you twice,
And yet you lie and snorel
pray you wake,
And see your Jake,
And ope to him the door; or the WIN
dow. don't care much which,
1t makes but little difference
To either you or L
Big pig little pig,
Root, hog. or die"
SUIT Loyengood, one of the humorists of the
South, thus describes a certain class of Yanks ::
''They amt human no how Their mint at
Philadelphia is their heaven they think their
God eats half dimes for breakfast, hashes the
leavings for dinner, and swallows cent on a
dried apple for supper, sets on stamping ma
chine for a throne, sleeps on crib full of half
dollars and measures men like money, by count.
There amt one of them got soul but what
could dance a jig in cabbage seed, and leave
room for the fiddler"