The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1867-08-14
Miscellaneous Items.

THE INFAMOUS MAXIM OF JUAREz-Ieads you lose
tails win. London Tomahawk.
A lady asked doctor if he did not think the small
bonnets which the ladies wore had tendency to pro-
duce congestion of the brain. "Oh no. he replied
ladies who have brains don't them.
cold age is coming upon me rapidly" as the urchn
said when he was stealing apples from old mans
garden, and saw the owner coming, cowhide in hand
~ think" said wife, who could not agree with her
husband; ~ think, Mr.. Jones, had better divide
the house. You shall live side and | on the
other" every well, my dear" replied the wretch
you take the outside and I'll have the inside"
gentleman once asked little girl, an only child,
how many sisters she had, and told " three or
four" Her mother asked Mary, when they were alone
what had induced her to tell such an untruth. "Why
mamma cried Mary, " I didn't want him to think you
were so poor that you hadn't but one child"
An exchange says countryman, giving his evidence
in court was asked by the council if he was born in
wedlock. No, sir" he replied, born in Sche-
nectady."
biography of Robespierrc published in late Irish
paper concludes with the following remarkable SEN
tence "Ths extraordinary left no children be-
hind him, except brother, who was killed at the
same time.'
WoMAN's ToILErrE.-An Albany paper thinks that
it is woman and not her wrongs that ought to be re-
dressed"
country editor describing the bonnets now in
fashion, says: They have downward slant that re-
minds of vicious with board across her
eyes,
Bonnets are now so very small, that many ladies
have nothing on their heads. A good many gentle
men, on the other hand, have nothing in theirs.
In the beginning, consisted of single rib.
Now she is all ribs, from her bel. to the rim of her
petticoats.
When you tread on lady's train in the street. you
not required to apologize. You must so into the
street. you have right there, and you have right
step on the sidewalk and if any foolish chooses
tc lay five yards of satin between your feet and the
flags, 1t is at her risk, not yours.
In street in Paris, the other day, adys crinone
became loose and fell off. Great the harity of
the public and the distress of the fair But on
ward she went. gentleman who had tie courage to
pick up the fallen property and to after the lady
with it, received decorating smack on his face his
reward. The lady then burst into tears and retired
with her property into shop.
Somebody says "a wife should be like a roasted
lamb-tender, and nicely dressed scamp adds,
g and without any sauce"
Two celebrated English ministers, Derby and Spur
geon have the govt. Derby is entitled to it. but how
did the temperate Sturgeon manage to secure it?
To PREVENT STEEL OR IRON FROM RUST Take one
pound of hogs lard free from SALT one ounce of cam
phor two drachms of black lead powder and two
drachms of dragons blood in fine powder, melt the
same slow fire. until it is dissolved and let it cool
for use.
A drunken lawyer, going into church, was observed
by the minister, who said to him. Sir, will bear
witness against you at the day of Judgment The
lawyer, shaking his head with drunken gravity, re-
piled: 81 have practced twenty-five years at the bar
and always found the greatest rascal the first to turn
States evidence"
A DELICATE REQUEsT.-The Augusta ga Press
tells the following: fellow went into the clerk
Office, the other day. to get marriage certificate. At
ter looking at the instrument awhile he beckoned the
clerk aside "See here, mister, said he confidential
y, "cant you date the thing back about monhs?"
The clerk assured him that he could not. "Well,n
said he II don't care anything about it myself but
her folks rather insist on it,
NOVEL WAY TO MoUNT.-In Peru the women do II
the work, and the men good-for-nothing set of
gamblers and thieves. The ride On the hind
quarters of their horses without saddle crosslegged
with the load on the horse in front They mount the
animal by taking hold of his long TAIL making loon
by doubling it up and casping with one hand the up-
per and lower parts of the TAIL then putting one foot
in the loop and the other foot on the Joint of the
horses leg, they ascend as if going up stairs They
usually stand upon the horse before sitting down
The horses never kick nor stir.
In the old flush times passenger on a river boat
accosted little negro boy with an inquiry usual at
that day
Whom do you belong tor
Don't know" answered the boy.
"Why don't you know"
when | come aboard | blongs to Massa Sam
de clerk of de boat he win me. Den kunne Sniff he
beat de clerk bluff an he had me last so dun
no, mass, who b'ong to till de games close"