Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-08-13
Scorpions.

lines are so dull IN the rural dlStrlctS tnaC
the hens lay last years eggs
Consider well before you take glass of BRAN
dy and water. The subject is good deal
ssmixed"
The writist who calls rain "pluvial drops, "
has no better name for yellow fever than "saf-
from scourage."
The question is, was the man much sick who
bolted door and threw up window. Do you
see the point?
What is the difference between wealthy to-
per and a skillful miner? One turns his gold
into quarts, and the other turns his quartz into
gold.
A person being asked why he had given his
daughter In marriage to q man with whom he
was at enmity, answered, Il did it out OF pure
revenge "a
An old lady not long since, was lamenting the
loss of a child lone of a family Of eight be
cause said she, there was just enough for a
cotillion, and they did dance SO prettily."
Has Mt your horse got the h heaves?'' asked
astonished Pat. can if he's any better for
the heaves, he has EN-, if not, the diyil q bit
has he -
An incautious individual at Terre Haute the
other day, after smoking, put his pipe in his
pocket with a package of powder. He was seen
shortly after looking good deal surprised, and
inQuiring for his coat tail and a large piece OF
his pantaloons.
''Dick, have you been after that saleratus?''
tell Your mistress @Well, tel mistress as
soon as you please. l don't know Sally Ratus,
and won't go near her. You know I am en-
gagged to Deb
In the following manner does Colorado ed
itor welcome the return ola respectable citizen
''Our respected townsman, Mr. George Tritch,
returned from the east In last evenings coach.
He has on fine suit Of State cloths, including
plug hat, and is the dogondest looking cuss
we have ever seen since Jim Ford left We
are glad to see him back again, however, and
hope he will now settle down and behave him.
SELF
An English lady at the Court of Vienna,
with whom an Imperial Highness'' danced
three times ON the same evening, fattered by
his attention, frankly expressed her qualification
at the compliment. Il did not intend it as q
compliment, )" was the answer. Then, said
the lady, ''your highness must be very fond Of
dancing" II detest dancing" was the un-
satisfactory response. "What, then, may /
ask, can be your motive for dancing" "Mad.
am, was the exalted personage's curt reply,
"mymedical attendant advises me to perspire. -
'Will you have Daily Sun p said news
boy to Mrs Darlington
'sWill have daily son? Why you little
scapegracel How dare you insinuate against a
lone woman from home? No indeed guess /
won't have daily son. My poor dear man
used to complain awfully when presented him
with yearly son. A daily son, indeed Be
gone, you little upstart imp p and the old lady
called for the old turkey fan to keep from faint
ing.
John Smith tells story of Thompson and
Rogers, two married bucks of New York, who,
wandering home late one night, stopped at what
Thompson supposed was his residence, but
which his companion insisted was his own dom
icle. Thompson rang the bell Justify, when a
window was opened and lady inquired what
was wanted.
Madam inquired Mr. T., isn't this Mr..
T-Thompson's house ?"
mo; this is the residence of Mr. Rogers, -
replied the lady. H
'Well,' exclaimed Thompson, ''Mrs. TT
Thompson-beg your pardon-Mrs. Rogers,
won't you just step down to the door and pick
out Mr.. Rogers, for Jim Thompson wants to go
home.