The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1867-12-17
For the Argus.
The Hog Nuisance.


Mr.. EDIroR.-Can you, who are thorough
ME if the Ordinance ferbidding hogs to run
at large within the City limits at any time of
the year, has ever been repealed?
You reply that it most certainly never has
been and is in full force to this day. RI II
Very well, then win go ahead and state
my case to the jury and if you particularly
wish it, will have my statement attested
and sworn to in due form by any one of our
Rock Island ]. P.'s that you prefer.
For time immemorial we folks at the low
er end of town have been pestered by hogs
running at large, contrary to the City Ordi
nance in that case made and provided. We
have complained time and again to that very
Jolly fellow who acts as City Marshal, and
have been fobbed off and fobbed off time
and again, under variety of ingenious pre-
lenses and excuses still the nuisance con-
tinues. First, we were told that there was
no City Pound to put the captured grunters
in but that excuse got knocked On the head
by the City's building such a pound. Then
it was mildly intimated to US that the Chol-
err. was coming, and the hogs would clear
up a lot of garbage and trash that would
9th .rwise breed Cholera. That pretense did
very well during the hot summer weather !;
but now it is entirely played out. Finally,
the worthy City Marshal, with most lugu-
brious expression of countenance, appealed
to US, as men and brethren, whether we
could possibly be unreasonable enough to
expect him who measured five yards around
the waist and weighed half ton on the City
Scales-to run after hogs personally? ale
couldn't do it, gentlemen; no,not If he had 20
give up his office IN consequence. he was fat
and pursy and short-breathed; and a single
slab-sided porker would surely be the death
of him. He had hired some excellent relia-
BILE boys to do the work for him they would
| catch every stray hog, sheat or pig within
the City limits in the twinkling of a bed-post ;
and we might go home quietly and depend
| on his word and honor?H You will scarce
| ly believe it, Mr.. Editor, but we got fooled
again. ] don't know about the Marshals
| ,oord; but / grievously fear that his honor
| has somehow or other slipped down into his
boots, and been entirely lost and evacuat-
ed, by the last dose of rhubarb that he took
| to purge away his fat.
Now, Mr.. Editor, what on earth are We poor
| unfotunate hog ridden mortals at the Lower
End of town 10 do? Our sidewalks have been
rooted up, till they look as if all the miners
of California and Colorado and Montana had
been prospecting" there for q year We
cannot leave a street door open for a minute,
but big hog rushes in, upsets the kerosene
lamp, thrusts his nose into dish of potatoes,
and runs off with joint of meat, besides
making himself generally disagreeable in a
way which | will not shock polite ears by
specifying more particularly. My wife's
flower garden-not a very choice or select
one, alow-has been dug up from one end
IL IL Il
that squeezed in sideways under the garden
gate one day when she was absent. Well,
Srinnsfe ieH eh ys s5 HS g B M se
sonable objection TO working without pay
that most of US christians have, and they
took all her bulbs and dahlia roots for their
days wages. In one word. we are at our
wits end to know what TO do; and like ev-
erybody else who is in trouble and tribula
ton, we fly to an Editor for consolation and
advice.
1t was but the other day | myself paid
nearly thirty dollars taxes TO the City. All !
ever ask of the City is 10 keep me clear of
the hog nuisance and that little they won't
do for me. The things that they put up at
the street corners and call clamps" are no
earthly use to me for you cannot see them
till you tumble over them. AS to the City
Marshal, he is altogether too Big Bug to
trouble himself with such "poor white trash
as US, partly because we are all quiet Cit
zens down here and never make any fuss or
disturbance, and partly because we are all
of US so poor, that burglar who was detect
ed breaking into one of our houses would be
certain TO be sent to Jacksonville rs anincur-
Rele lunatic. Besides, he is too busy all day
laughing and Joking on the sidewalk, among
L. III
Talk to him about hogs indeed Why it is
almost an insult to name such an unclean
animal to gentleman of his portly dignity
We ought to be ashamed yourselves for do
ing so!
| know very well that hogs are allowed to
run at large in the streets of New York;
but then there is no Ordinances there to for
bid it whereas we have such an ordinance,
as has every other decent city that |
know Of OF course | do not consider
New York decent City. How could it
possibly be so, when it always rolls up the
biggest kind of Democratic majority?
pray excuse me, Mr.. Editor, for treading
on your democratic corns. ] hope / have
not hurt you.)
One word more and have done. gave
the City Marshal fair warning two weeks
ago, in the midst of a big crowd at the Post
office who were waiting tor the Mail to be
distributed, that if he did not abate this Hog
nuisance pretty shortly, would pitch into
him severely in the Newspapers. Now he
is good fellow at heart, only little too
big for his pantaloons, and troubled occa-
sionally with dreadful disease, which is
epidemic among Office holders and is called
"Bighead" by the Doctors. So I will give
him another chance and won't pitch into
him to-day but do hereby give him the
most solemn assurance in my power, that if
he does not attend to those hogs forthwith,
l will pitch into him forthwith in the first
newspaper that will print what i have to say
of him. This is only the oysters before sup
per. to give him an appetite. The supper
itself is not quite ready yet but by all that
is holy, if he does not mend his WAYS, ID shall
be set on table pretty shortly and SMOKING
HOT. - ''' So - ss---a-Aa -
.~.,sz ysss- BENZ. d. WALSH.
Rock ISLAND, Dec. 1G, 1867.