Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1867-03-28
FUN, FACTS, AND FACETIE.

any place who thinks no place good enough
for him.
Would you hear sweet and pleas
ing echo, speak sweetly andt pleasing your
self
A SENTIMENTAL young man thus ieci-
ingly expresses himself "Eyen as nature
benevolently guards the rose with thorns,
30 does she endow women with pins"
The merit of our actions consists
not in doing extraordinary actions, but in
doing ordinary actions extraordinarily well.
The public character of a man is
the tinsel worn of court his private char
acter is the service of gold kept at his bank
er's.
The aim of an honest mans life is
not the happiness which serves only him
self, but the virtue which is useful to 9th
ers.
Why are a country girls checks
like French calico? Because they are ''war-
rented to wash and retain their color.
AUNT Betsey says, "a newspaper is
like wife, because every man should have
one of his own"
"SALLY," said lover to his inten-
ded, "give Us kiss, will you?' "No
won't, said'Sally, "help yourself" D."
Why are printers tempted above
all other men? Because they are always
found in company with the Dera.
DEATH comes to a good man to re-
ieve him it comes to bad one to relieve
society.
DoN'r take so much interest in the
affairs of your neighbors. Seven per cent.
will do.
WANT less than you have and you
will always have more than you want.
The most common things are the
most useful which shows both the wisdom
and goodness of the Great Father of the fam
lily Of the world.
JONES called on the man who ere
stores oil paintings, and requested him to
try to restore one stolen from his residence
year ago.
ADVERSELY has ever been consider.
edssa the state in which man most easily
becomes acquainted with himsef-particu-
larly, being free from fatterers.
In the voyage Of life we should
initiate the ancient mariners, who, without
losing sight of the earth trusted to the heav-
emily signs tor their guidance.
IN the natural history of insects,
the grub turns into butterfly but it often
occurs in the natural history of man, that
the butterfly turns into grub.
A romantic young man says that
young woman's heart is like the moon il
changes continually, but it always has
man in it.
WASHINGTON was once dining with
several of his officers, when one of them
uttered an oath. He instantly dropped his
knife and fork, and in deep tone, with
characteristic dignity and earnesness. said,
II thoughtwe all regarded ourselves as gen
tlemen."
Two Irishmen were travelling when
they stopped to examine q guide board. -
Twelve miles to Portland" said one.
"Just six miles apiece" said the other
And the trudged on, apparently well salts
fed at the small distance.
A farmers boy was told to give
the cows some cabbages, and to give the
COW that yielded the most milk the largest
share. He literally obeyed the order, and
deposited the largest share on the pump.
"BoYs, what is all that nose in
SCHOOL, ats Bill Skies initiating loco
motive" "Come up here, William : if you
have turned into locomotive, it's time you
were switched off
SALLY, said fellow to a girl who
had red hair, keep away from me or you
will set me on fire. No danger of that re
piled Sally, you are'too green to burn.
40, AuNTY make Freddy behav-
himself; every time / hit him on the head
with the mallet he bursts out crying -
Smart boy, that Owen.
THERE are ties that never should
be severed, as the ill-used wife said when
she found her brute of husband hanging
in the hay-loft.
To drain lands, drink whiskey and
spend all your time at the village tavern
This will drain you of all-your slands in
short time.
DR.. CHAPIN says The cause that
never made fanatic never produced mar
tyr.
AIR is a dish ON which one feeds
every minute therefore it ought always to
be fresh.
Wake up here, and pay your
lodging" said deacon, as he nudged
sleepy worshiper with the contribution box
An editor announces the death OF
a lady of his acquaintance, and thus touch
lngly adds "In her decease the sick lost
an invaluable friend. Long will she seem
10 stand at their bedside, as she was wont
with the balm Of consolation in one hand
and a cup Of rh,.barb IN the other.
"WHERE are you going SO fast, Mr.
Smith ?" demanded Mr. Jones. Home,
sir, home, don't detain me Lave just
bought my wife new bonnet, and | must
q hofo % IL