Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-07-30


bad luck or something. He can't get any
thing to do and don't do it when he can.
He is a Spongist. He pays nothing He
won't pay the debt of nature If he can help
1t. And as to work. He despises it as though
he were regular descendant of the great
family of Shoddy. For being a vagrant he
received permission to break stones tor the
next ten days In the calaboose yard.
John Anderson, my jo John" sang the
immortal Robbie Burns, the sweetest sing
er OF them all. He had no reference, how
ever, to the John Anderson who was fined
$3 and costs yesterday for being drunk.
The fine was paid, and John left the pres
ence. sErs
Ed. Harding was drunk. Benzine and
smear have done their work upon Ed'ard.
He gathers stamps enough to pay for his
regular rations, but not enough to pay a
fine of So and costs. He went over.
Dave Hawks loves his benzine with a
love beyond compare. He believes in re-
gard to. this popular burning fluid,
'Benzine cures the gout. boys.
The collie and the phthsic. -l
And it is allowed by all,
For being drunk he was fined $500 and
cost, and in default he was showed under.
John Smith has been at it again. John is
at it again pretty near all the time. He
necessarily goes it, not only here, but
elsewhere. Hardly can we pick up pa
per but we see that John Smith is at it
again. He sings:.
-
II Uncle and aunt, sister and brother:
Ny outside coat; for have no other
Though you throw me oft under the table.
John hunted through his clothes, but
couldn't find stamps enough to pay $500
and costs, so he goes into the stone busi-
ness. .-,-
George Williams is healthy benzinist.
He never misses drill. He obeys all COM
mands, especially when he hears the
"Pour benzine; hist benzine; drink ben
zine.' But ben. is too many for him some
times, and when the Mayor yesterday re-
quested a deposit Of So and costs he
couldn't accommodate. So he got a little
hammer. .r .es .--le5s =. .s-.s III izsi
Thomas Heating was kiting round on
Sunday, willing to bet his bottom dollar
that he was "puttie boy with cork nose"
In default of So and costs, he got little
hammer. - ll.s
Edward Long was not long in shelling
out So and costs. Long was short when
he paid it. and was discharged.
JEFF. Wales whales benzine equal to any
galloot of 'em all. For being drunk he
was fined So and costs, which repaid.
The GOAT AND THE LADY.-There is lit
tie black goat of the male persuasion which
loafs around the streets of this city, vast
ing his sweetness on the desert air, and is
the terror of peanut venders and the de-
light of mischievous little boys, who love
to excite Billy's ire and his butting propen-
stiles. One day last week he stood in front
of the tray OF fruitier, on High street, nib
bling peanuts, and occasionally turning to
drive off the crowd of boys who were
shouting at his efforts to rid himself of his
tormentors, who were trying to put split
stick on his narrative. just as the boys
had got Billy worked up to healthy state
of fury, an old lady of perhaps 200 pounds
avoirdupois was getting out of spring
wagon near by. Now a 200 FOUNDER does
not move with the agility of fairy, nor was
the descent of the lady to the ground as
graceful as wehave seen bright-eyed, rosy
checked maidens of fifteen make the trip.
In point of fact the old lady was clumsy,
and in getting out she fell to the ground,
on all fours. No one ever doubted Billy's
courage, but his discretion is below par.
He saw the old lady struggling to get up,
and took it as achallenge to mortal COM
bat. He reared himself up on his hind legs,
and with vicious "Ma-a-a," he made a
bulge for the old lady, hitting her fair and
knocking her over. She tried to regain her
feet, and again Billy handed her one. She
yelled like thousand demons, and still
tried to get up and was still 'bucked over,
as often as she tried it, to the intense joy of
the wicked urchins, until passing Good
Samaritan took the wretch away. Capri
corn has not been seen or the street since, for
the old lady declares she will sue his owner
ifshe can find out who he is, 'tor," she says,
stranger, haint been able to sit down
comfortably since"
STRICTLY LoGICAL.-We thought the or
iginal John Donkey had died some wears