Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-04-18
lq2fAElEaRaEl0 81 GRAZ.
ACOORDING no ST. STEPHEN.
CHAPTER u

y
power to fall upon the people and eat up
their substance, they gathered themselves
together and said, let US select one from
our number to be chief amongst us, to sit
In the high place; and scribe also who
shall write down only what is necessary
for our well-being. And they did so.
| And John, who roamed field. did they
make President, and he Of the name like q
milestone, did they make Scribe, and he OF
the three Us, and Harvey the jolly, did
look upon their labors and pronounce 1t
| good.
Yet they murmured one to another say
ing, howbeit we are appointed Police
Commissioners, yet know we nothing of
the duties of the office; and we must pro-
ceed carefully in this matter, for 10 these
people have heads of copper, while ours
are of wool though our faces are of brass,
and this people do not favor us or our ac-
ton. s..1 .has. 5da. saa
And then the light which is Rush opened
his mouth and spake as did one of his kind
aforetime: :" When ye are in great strait
and in difficulty and your knees knock to-
gether with fear, 60 at once to the source
of all inspiration, even unto Samuel The
Phunney, and he will relieve us out of our
difficulty" f
And they did call upon Samuel the
Phunney, and he did hearken unto their
fears, and did say unto them, "Oh ye of lit
tie faithi Is your faith in the gullihility of
the people indeed SO weak? For the dwell
ers of this tributary we care not shekel
of silver; they are conquered people, yea
they are not progressive. They hold to the
faith as they received it from the fathers,
and seek no change, least of all,
the change that we would give them.
But even they can be gulled. Co
.ye into a far tributary, even unto a
tributary upon the borders of the lake
which is called Erie, and drink and make
merry. Then shall the people hereabout
think you are working for them and you
shall allay discomfort and all murmuring.
: Then said the light which is Rush
g Spake not truly? Are not the words OF
the Phunney the words of wisdom and
when we are returned again to this tributary
we will call Felle, the truthful, whom every
man believeth, and we will say unto him,
go you round about the tributary and
speak of the things which we have done
for the people thereof, and tell of our be-
ing severely wounded in the neck, because
of our desire to serve them.' Then shall
all the people believe in us and in our do
ings, because of the words which shall be
spoken by Felle, the truthful"
And they considered the words of the
Phunny and of the light which is Rush,
and found them good. And they did say
one unto another, no matter what we may
say on our return, it shall be verified by
Felle the truthful, and the people will won
der and believe because Felle hath spoken it,
So they called for chariot and steed of
iron,. to run upon a road of iron, and
they did go into the far tributary, even
to Cleveland, and they did eat, drink,
and were merry. And when they were
come into the city which is called Cle-Ve-
land, the chief men and high priests did
wonder amongst themselves, and did say
one unto another, why are these dwell
ers of Columbus come amongst us? Let
US entreat them that they go back unto
their own homes, for they have
the Legislature and Penitentiary there,
and no good thing can come out
of that tributary" And with one ac-
cord they did say unto the Com-mis-sion-
ers: g What came ye out for to see? What
will you take to go back?'
And they all said they'd take sugar in
thefr'n.
And when they were come back Chey did
talk of what they had seen, and Felle the
Truthful did proclaim the wonderful things
they had done, saying: "Lo, what sacri-
ficing patriots are these! They go abroad to
see what they shall see and work only for the
good OF the people of this tributary But
the people did wag their heads, and did put
their tongues in their cheeks, and did place
their thumbs upon their nose, and did
wiggfe-waggle their fingers when Felle the
Truthful spoke, for they kYe,o he would not
tell lie, aud these things indicated that
they believed him.
And the Board of Police Com sion
ers did say one unto another, 10 there is
one amongst US, even the Little Wanderer,
whose office is over the market. let us, be
careful that he being one of those whose
heads are copper be not trusted too far with
our secrets, for though he be with us by
virtue of his office, yetis he not of us. Lay
your fingers beside your noses or on your
lips and watch the Little Wanderer, for he
Is Bully! He doth not bow down before
our god Nig-gah or worship him, but seek
eth to please the people. Now, although
we may not take him deeply into our
schemes, yet must we moliiy his party, for
we have convinced the people |
that it is dead, yet it hoppeth about right
lively" ,Ea -E
And he whom men call afield opened his |
mouth and spake, saying, "lo, it would be |
well to say unto the dwellers in this tribu-
tary who belong to the tribe of Demo
Gratis, We are disposed to act fairly with
you.' Though yourtrib outnumbers ours |
in this tributary, yet will we divide. and |
the police shall be one from the tribe of
Democrats and one from the followers of
the Nig-gah. Even every other one shall
ye have. Yea, and the Captain of the
Police also. But he must be military
man, and one who can drill the Police"
And they did clap their hands and shout,
for their joy was exceeding great, for
they had proclaimed that the tribe of De-
mo-crats contained no warriors or men
who were of the kind called military
Therefore they laughed among themselves
at the joke of the President, who is afield.
And Samuel the PhunneY, and Theo-
dore, covered with cotton, did appear unto
them and did ask them wherefore they
made merry. And when it was explained,
they also did laugh. But Samuel did
wrinkle up his nose and did reach his
mouth after his left ear, as though he
would swallow it, and spoke with loud
voice and his hand in the poket of his