North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1867-05-08

'Good gracious y cried I, "what do yo,
take me for? You'd better be careful, O
you'll get your head caved in!'
"I'll cave your head in for you, yo,
young william, you p cried he, springin,
at me with his cane.
"Oh John dear John!' exclaimed
shrill female voice, and tall figure in
sea Of founces bounced down the stairway
Don't! don'tl for the love of heaven
John-don't murder hint"
"Who the deuce do you take me for ?
cried l, my temper rising.
1T looks we'll for you to ask that ques
ton I" sneered the man ,--'.you, who hay,
won my wife's heart, and are here now t.
plan to elope with her! I've found it al
out-you needn't blush and--''
IL beg your pardon for interruptine
you,' said l, ''but l have never seen your
wife before. perceive she is not Melin.
da, the eldest daughter of my fathers
great uncle
"Sir, do you deny that you are William
Jones9 Do you deny that you are in love
with my wife?''
81 am not Jones-I have not the hon.
or, sir. My name is Parkwell, Henry
Parkwell, of Squashville I" and with q
bow l took myself off.
After that l called at the residence of
three John Smiths-none of which was
my Mr.. Smith-and nothing occurred at
these places worthy of note.
My next MIR. Smith resided in Portland
street. Thither bent my steps. It was
a very small house-evividently not the
nome OF wealth or cleanliness. l made
my way up to the front door, through q
wilderness of old rags, broken crockery,
Old tin ware, ETC., scattering flock Of
hens, and rousing a swapping little terrier
from his nap on the step.
A red-faced woman answered nv ran;
but before l could make my customary in.
quiry, she opened upon me like two
edged butcher-knife.
"Well, of all the impudent rascals that
ever l see, you beat the lot | want to
know if you have got the cheek to come
back here again? You'd like to sell me
another German silver teapot, and another
brass bosom pin to dear Araminity-
wouldn't yeT'
by no means," said 1; ~ beg to inform
you-''
''Oh, you needn't beg! We don't be-
lieve in beggars Is'pose you thought
shouldn't know ye-but did should
know that black bag of yourn in Califor-
ny! Clear out of my premises, or I'll try
my broom handle over ye! If there's any
thing hate, it's pedlar-especially a
rascal like you.''
"Allow me to inquire said I, ''if Mr..
Smiths wife was Melinda Byrne, the eld-
est daughter Of my fathers
The broomstick was lifted; heard it cut
the air like MIME bullet, and sprang down
the steps into the street at my best pace.
An angry man l do not fear; but who
can stand before an angry woman? had
rather face roaring lion.
l called on two more Smiths-still un-
successful in my search. 1t was getting
near dark, and | was more than ever anx-
ious to reach my destination.
My next Mr.. Smith was located in Len
OK street. ltwas twilight when rang
the bell at his door.
B milling fellow admitted me, fairly
forcing me into the hall, before could ut
30. a ,ps.a.
"Walk right in, sir; they are expecting
you! The ladies will be down in mo-
ment. Miss Hattie is in the back parlor.
Walk right in, sir.''
was gently pushed toward the door of
a shadowy apartment, and at the entrance
was announced:
''Mr. Henry!'
The gas was not lighted, and the apart
ment was in semi-darkness. l hearba
soft, quick football on the carpet, and pair
IF arms fell around my neck, and a pair Of
the sweetest lips on the footstool touched
mine; and, good gracious for moment
The world swan; and l felt as if had
been stewed in honey, and distilled into
Lubin's best triple extract of roses
"Oh, Henry-my dearest and best +!
Why don't you kiss me. Henry!'' cried a
voice like music, shave you ceased to care
for meY' and again the kiss was repeated.
Who could resist the temptation? l am
difident man, but have some
human nature in me, and l paid her prin-
cipal and interest.
"Oh, Henry, have so feared being in
the army had made you cold hearted
good heavens!'' She fell back against
chair pale as death. The servant had lit
the gas, and stood revealed.
~ beg your pardon, marm, said l,
theis 10 .~;aeutly some mistake. May l
inquire if Mr.. Smith wife WINS Melinda
Byrne, the eldest daughter of my fathers
great uncle!'
The red flush left the young lady cheek
she was handsome as picture-and she
replied with courtesy:
''She was not. You will, I hope, excuse
me for the blunder committed? We are
my brother Henry, from the
army, and your blue clothes deceived me-"
"For which shall always wear blue"
replied gallantly. "Allow me to intro
ducs myself am Henry Parkwell, of
Squashville ~ and making my best bow, l
backwards over an ottoman, and
fell smash into china-closet, demolishing
ut least dozen plates, and as many glass
tumblcrs.
sprang to my feet-seized my bag, and
without word dashed out of the house.
l knocked over q man who was passing
at the moment, and landed myself on my
head in the gutter. The man picked him
self up, and was about to treat me to a
display of muscles, when a glare of the
revealed to me the well-known
face of my John Smith.
Eureka! cried I. "Allow me to in
quire if your wife was Melinda, the eldest
daughter of my fathers great uncle
Byrne?"
''She was!" said he, grasping my hand;
'and am delighted to see you! But con-
found it you needn't have come at fel-
low SO!
But must cut my story short.
He took me home with him had q
good visit; saw Melinda to my hearts
content. Nay, more-I met and was prop
erly introduced to Hattie Smith-and-
well-I am having new suit of clothes
made-and in due time they will be mar
ricd-mvself in them-tO the vounc ladv