The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-10-16

The "finest woman in the world''
is being exhibited in booth on the
Champs de Mars. Those who visit
her are addressed by her in the fol-
lowing modest style: "I am the most
beautiful woman in the world. No
empress, no queen can compare with
me. You are at liberty to touch me,
messiems; you will find that there is
no cotton about me-" Very few of
the visitors, however, avail themselves
of this permission.
The Rev, Mr. Spurgeon breaches in con-
versational style interperses his sermons with
such remarks as "Mr. Bags, you'd better take
that child into the ante-room he's tired /"
Come this way, friends their is plenty of
room" open the windows, Manning; it
is very warm" And when aad sort Jf cry in
terrupted him, he looked down on an old wo-
man shaking with epilepsy and mildly re-
marked, Don't be troubled, brethren, our
sister is subject to fits"
INpUDENcE.-We receive yesterday by mail
a letter containing six tickets in gllt enter
prise of which A. A. Kelley & Co., profess to
be proprietors, with the request for us to act
as Agent for them. We shall do no such
thing. 1t will be late when we und rtake to
aid in swindling an honest people, for Kelley
u Co., 'or any other man" We would ad-
wise them to procure as Agents that thieving
firm known in Troy, New York, under the
name and style of ''Burger, Shuts & Co.
A RIrUALIsrIc WEDDING 1t is said that
wedding ceremony recently performed in
London, according to the ritual,ic forms oc.
cupled three hours. This is longer Than the
honeymoon sometimes lasts. Taking the
chances of connubial bliss into account, 1t is
likely to be generally a consumption of more
time than it is safe to risk. In this country
it woulden't do at all Marriages are some
times contracted, the ceremony performed
the honeymoon exhausted divorces obtained
and the parties married again, within about,
that time. Ritualism will not be popular here
in marriage matters.
We will not, positively, under any circum-
stances whatever, after this issue of our paper
insert in our columns local notices whereby
persons or institutions are to be pecuniarly
benefited, unless such notices when honded
ulC paul us DllltT AuVtTLSpnpn1S
We have been doing this kind of business
long enough and don't see that it has ever
benefited us any.
'Pease publish and oblige yours" has
played out. 1t don't pay.
AsMLsG carriage, designed for crossing
| the plains, has been made at st. Louis It's
wheels are ten feet high, it has two upright
jib sails, and sail on each spoke of the two
wheels on one side Of the wagon. The
| steering geer acts on the forward wheels.
The body is shaped like boat. and hung
low, and will be used as boat in crossing the
| streams.
The consumption of Generals in Andy
Johnson's reconstructed War Department 1.
something alarming. 1t is said that Grant is
already used up, and the President will short
ly seize upon Sheaman. BY and-by we may
get down to Mcclellan or Fitz John Porter.
An Ohio paper thus puts the case in MOTTO
ing Copperhead claims of gains "Bobby,'
said boy to his companion, you got n pret
ty bad licking yesterday" ''Oh' no." said
Bob, mot near as bad as the one l got the
day before"
SOME of our business men have an idea that
enterprise consists in cluttcring UP their pave
ments with piles of boxes; the result of which
is to annoy pedestrians and destoy ladies'
dresses.
20, 734 GALLONS of whisky were distilled
in Richmond last month, 1854 in August
25,42l in July. Wonder if the increase in the
number of hoe and axe handles manufactured
has been in proportion.
SIDNEY SMITH defines English benevolence
to be "a strong impulse on the part Of A.,
when he sees B in distress to compel G, to
help him.
An Irishman, applying for relief, being told
to work for his living replied: 'If I'd all the
work in the world could not do it,
Marriage quoth Kate. define it if you
can, sir?"
'The bachelors last folly, !" was the answer.
A VERY unpopular officer for the ladies'
General i1ousework.