The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1867-03-27
OFFICES AND SALARIES.

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State Milliner. ..-----..-.-.---.----..
You know what state OF anarchy
and social chaos that fee bill would ere
ate. Every woman in the common
wealth would let 60 everything and run
for State Milliner. And instead of VEN
tilating each others political antece-
dents, as men do, they would 90 straight
after each others private moral charac-
ter. Q know them-they are all like
my wife, Before the canvass was three
days old it would be an established prop
osition that every woman in the State
was mo better than she ought to be-"
Only think how it would lacerate me to
have an opposition candidate say that
about my wife. That is the idea, you
know-having other people say these
hard things. Now, know that my wife
isn't any better than she ought to be,
poor devil-in fact, in matters of ortho-
dox doctrine, she is particularly shaky
but still would not like these things
aired in u political contest. l don't
really suppose tina, that woman will
stand any more SHOW hereafter than
however, she may improve-shc may
even become a beacon light for the saw
ing of others-but if she does, she will
burn rather dim, and she will flicker a
good deal, too. But, as | was saying,
female political canvass would be an
outrageous thing.
Think of the torch-light professions
that would distress our eyes. Think OF
the curious legends on the Transparent
cics:
Robbins forever, Vote for Sallie Rob
bins, the only virtuous candidate in the
field"
Aud this {:
Chastity, modesty, patriotism. Let
the great people stand by Maria San
ders, the champion of morality and pro-
gress, and the only candidate with
stainless reputation"
And this:
"Vote for Judy McGinniss, the incor-
ruptible. Nine children-One Mt the
breast
In that day a man shallsay to his SER
want, "What is the matter with the
babyr And the servant shall reply, sit
has been sick for hours" "And where
is its mother" "She is out electioneer-
ing for Sallie Robbins" And such con-
versations as these shall transpire be-
tween ladies and servants applying for
situations: Can you cook |" "Ies."
"Wash!" Eyes" "All right; who is
your choice for State milliner'" "Judy
McGinnis." "Well, you can tramp"
And women shall talk politics instead
of discussing the fashions; and they
shall neglect the duties of the household
to go out and take drink with candi-
date; and men shall nurse the baby
while their wives travel to the polls to
vote. And also in That day the man
who hath beautiful whiskers Shall heat
the homely man of wisdom for Govern
or, and the youth who waltzes with ex-
quisite grace shall be Chief of Police, in
preference to the man of practised sa-
gacity and determined energy.
Every man, take it, has selfish end
in view when he pours ont eloquence in
behalf of the public good in the news
papers, and such is the case with me. l
ID not want theprivileges of woman ex-
tended, because my wife already holds
office in nineteen different internal fe-
male associations, and have to do all
her clerking. If you give the women
full sweep with the men in political az
fairs, she will proceed to run for every
COMPOUNDED office under the new dispen-
sation. That will finish me. 1t is
bound to finish me. She would not have
time to do anything at all then, and the
one solitary thing have shirked up to
the present time would fall on me and
my family would go to destruction; for
am not qualified for wet nurse.
MARX TWAIN.