Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-12-07
SALMAGUNDI.

16"l am sitting on the style, Nary said Jones, as he planted himself on her new thirty dollar bonnet. DarAn agricultural paper, telling how to fatten geese, says that ''not less than two must be shut up together"
 r%There is want felt in the New England States for able sensatieR preachers. There is a scarcity of the same sort in heaven. .-a
 lTAmong the favoritc crops raised at the South now are gunboats. They raise them from the river beds, where the war planted them.
 p~A smart boy, during a recent re- vival, was asked if he could say the "Publican's prayer" and he replied, "No, sir; I'm Democrat"
 s~Lucy Stone said: There is cot- ton in the ears ofman, and hope in the bosom of woman" Lucy made mis- take and got the cotton in the wrong place. T M
 s~Why are people of short memo ries necessarily covetous? Because they're always forgetting something.
 What is the difference between man of leisure and an aged oak? One kills time,' and the other time Kills.
 BT We see some one advertising "My Wife's Sauce." It is to be regret ted that he does not keep his little do- nestle discomforts to himself. a%A sentimental old bachelor says a woman's heart is the Sweetest" thing in the world, in fact perfect honey comb-fnll of cells. Bewarel DJ-A little girl walking one day with her mother in churchyard, read ing one after another the praises of those who slept beneath, said:' q wonder where they bury the sim ners ?" ss..f, e.ss
 p%There's our grandmother, says contemporary, a striking instance why woman should vote. She's paid taxes on dog for the last ten years, and now declares she won't stand it any longer she'll either vote or kill the dog. l N-A gentleman ordered rocking chair, which was received by his wife, a lady precise in her speech. Upon ma king trial of the chair the gentleman expressed his great satisfaction with it, when his wife remarked: "The man said its equilibrium was accurately ad- justed." "Did he really say that-those very words P inquired her husband. "Why no, not exactly" replied the la dy; "but he said it joggled just right"
 1~An Irishman, driven to despera- ton by the stringency of the money market and the high price of provi sions, procured pistol and took to the road. Meeting traveller he stopped him with "Your money or your life." Seeing Pat was "green," he said, 'I'li tell you what I'll do-f1l give you all my money for that pistol" "Agreed." Pat received the money and handed over the pistol. "Now," siad the trav- eller, "hand back that money, or I'll blow your brains out" "Blaze away, my hearty" said Pat; "never dhrop of powder there's in it.
 H@rAn old Methodist, very great at responses, which were not always ap- propriate, but always well meant, went one day to hear popular preacher.- The preacher, usually lucid, was rather perplexed and felt it himself. He la- bored through the first part, and said: Brethren, have reached the conclu- sion of my first point" "Thank God" ejaculated the old man, who sat before him, deeply interested, in voice that was heard in every part of the church. The last part of the sermon was harder to preach than the first. CHERISH THE LIvING.-I saw pale mourner stand bending over the tomb, and tears fell fast and often. As he raised his humid eyes to Heaven he said; cl .s4
 "My brother! o, my brotherw
 A sage passed that way and said:
 /" For whom dost thou mourn?"
 cone" replied he, "whom I did not sufficiently love while living, but whose estimable worth now feel"
 "What wouldst thou do if he were restored to the ?' ace
 The mourner replied, !" that he would never offend him by an unkind word, but would take every occasion to show his friendship,ifhe could but come back to his fond embrace"
 Then waste moi. thy time in useless grief" said the sage but if thou hath friends, go and Cherish the living, re- member that they will be dead also."
 
 S1rWendell PhiIlipsis out in aroth- CT letter, urging the Radicals to pro- ceed to the impeachment of President | VAk 10 Ho aI