Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-05-14
WO2aderS I!

A woman is like locomotive, because she
draws a train after her.
soil on the brain, exclaimed Jones. as he
broke bottle of oil over the head Of his friend
Brown.
can onnce of prevention is worth pound of
cure" as the pig said when he ran away from
the butcher.
The gentleman whose nose was put ''out OF
Joint by a personal affront, had it Strengthened
by the application of thumb and finger.
Prentice has seen photograph of Benjamin
Wade, and says his face is SO hard that black
smith might hammer out horseshoe on 1t.
A wag thus eulogises his musical attainments:
81 know two tunes one is Aud Lang Syne,
and the other isn't; always sing the latter. J"
An Arkansas Colonel had the following order
for mounting his men: First order-Prepare
fur ter git onto yer creeters Second order
Git
Lucy Stone once said 'There is cotton in
the ears of man, and hope in the bosom of wo-
man." Lucy made mistake, and got the cot
ton in the wrong place.
''Am not little pale?' inquired lady,
who was short and corpulent, of crusty old
bachelor ''You look more like big tubr'
was the blunt reply.
A New York paper advertises that two sis
tiers want washing" IF all the people who
swami washing" should advertise, the newspa-
per business would look up little.
A fellow who has seen the Black Crook in
New York, says he is convinced of the folly of
women spending money for SO much dress,
when they render themselves so fascinating with
very little.
A Maine editor says pumpkin in that State
grew so large that eight men could stand around
it; which statement was only equaed by that
of the hoosier who saw flock of pigeons fly so
low that he could shake a stick at them.
''Come, Jim, get up, said an indignant IA
Their to his son, the other morning., "remem-
Der, the early bird catches the worm. :" ''What
do I care for worms?" replied the young hope
full mother won let me 60 fishing.
4 girl who had become tired of single bles-
sedness, thus wrote to her intended husband:
Dear Bill. come rite off if you re comm at all.
Edward Keldernan is insistin' that [ shall have
him, and he hugs and kisses me so continually
that | can't hold out much longer
"Jeems, my lad, keep away from the gals
Ven you see one coming--dodge. Just such
crtter as that young I'm, cleaning the doorstep,
'tother side of the street, fooled yer poor dad,
Jimmy. If it hadn't been for her, you and
yer dad might have been in Californy hunting
dimunds my son.
''NIr. Timothy" said young lady who had
been showing eff her wit at the expense of the
aforesaid Mr. Timothy, 'you remind me Of
barometer that is filled with nothing in the up
per story"
Divine Almira," meekly replied her adorer,
lin thanking you for the compliment, let me
remind you that you occupy my upper story
entirely"
Town LINE-"But, as | said, we have pro-
ven to you where the town line is. Yes, gen
tlemen of the jury, there it is and there will it
remain forever; and all the ingenuity of my
learned brother can never efface it-can never
wash it out. No, gentlemen, he may plant one
foot on the outmost ring Of the planet Saturn,
and plant the other on Arcturas, and seize the
Pleiades by the hair and wiring them dry, but
he cannot wash out that town line-never!'
The fighting editor of a Mississinni naner