The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1867-01-08
nmr No,.cl.


having tn cuts worked out. Ii is on
the sensation style, and throws CyisaH"s
Sobb SO far in the shade THAI he VII
ave 70 hira an opera glass {" Se' d
:iimpse of our sunshine. IL is Il terrible
:ale, tragic conc ption, aid VIII cor''
out weekly, 10 be continued IN our
next.n We have worked and yearied
over it for these three weeks past. We
have wasted more brain than is possess
I'd by the whole Radical Congress. We
used up twenty-nine tallow candles
and three gallons of corn whisky in the
effort. But we succeeded. We will
astonish the world. We will have our
name posted up on big placards around
the streets. We will be criticized by
the newspapers, and we will hand down
our fame to our prospectively large
posterity. We called our tale "The
Sausagemaker's Dream and the Wood
sawyer's Revenge, or the Mysteries of
Cheap and Fast Living"
We commenced it on Monday night,
and created all our characters at once.
Our hero was six feet two inches in his
shoes. dark moustache, tight-leSsed
pants, high-top boots, and n dead shot.
Our heroine was beautiful, innocent,
charming, an angel minus wings,
looked as if she would melt on your
lips if You kissed her. Her parent was
a cruel, hard-hearted, stern, incorrigible
sausage manufacturer, but loved his
daughter dearly. He disliked our hero
very muchly. Then we.had guerrilla
band who were the gayest set of thieves
alive. whose chief could not be excelled
in the stealing business by anybody but
Beast Butler OF COttony Banks. Then
we had n rich villain, retired shoddy
contractor, who lived in style, kept a
fast team, &C., who loved our heroine
! to distraction, and was encouraged by
her father. He was fast chap, could
swear heavily, drink like fish, and
went it on faro occasionally. We had
also number of other minor charac-
tiers, rich and poor relations, peanut
peddlers, butchers, police, insurance
agents, military officers, &C., ad libi-
tum. We located our tale in Old Vir-
ginia and this village, and started in
gloriously. In three nights we had
written up three chapters, and
in that time our heroinc's father had
done big business i'll the market, and
had sold over four hnndred feet of sau-
sases. Our heroine had weeled herself
all away over her parents cruel treat
mcnt and her lovers absence, until She
found it necessary to speculate i'll pink
saucers to hide the pallor ct her cheeks.
Our hero had gone on peddling cxpe-
dition through Bloomery Gap, and was
attacked by three hundred and eleven
cuerrillas, who captured him after Il
most desperate engagement, but not be-
fore lie h:.i iall out aud settled the hash
ct at least scvcnty-two of the villains.
They searched him. They robbed him
of seventy-ive cents worth of tin jew
elry, his old boots, and his fine comb.
They also took his flint-lock pistol and
the lack knife with which he made his
bloody resistance. He was wounded
seventeen times, shot twice through the
heart and fly. times through the brain,
but they had no compassion on him.
They were fired with anger over his
desperate fight for such a small stock.
They determined to put him ont Of the
way. Dead men tell 10 tales" They
pinioned his arms, and leading him to
the brink of played ont oil well, over
a thousand feet deep, pitched him in.
We opened the fourth chapter on
Thursday with the rich villain with q
gay party of friends. They talk of their
sweethcarts, and one of them mentions
the name of our heroine. Our villain
ut once walks up to him, picks up a
cheese-knife, and calmly cuts his throat
iron, ear to ear. He then goes home and
abducts our heroine. He takes her to a
secluded cave, where he leaves her in
! the care of faithful villain, while he
retires to the summit of Powell Noun
tain to see if the trains are running on
| the Manassas Gap railroad. AS he looks
out over the country he is attacked by
wolves, catamounts and bears, who
chase him and compel him to fly toward
the prccipice, where he crawls out on q
limb of tree th.t projects out from a
rock. The abyss beneath him is 1G2;
feet by measurement, and death stare.
him in the face. But he keeps cool
counts his money, and takes an adults
chew of tobacco. But night finally
draws on, and his fingers get numb ant
cold. Unfortunate villain! But III
still clings on. Thus we close the fourth
chapter.
Our fifth chapter opens with nader
powwowing over the loss of her darling
poodle, who has been kidnapped. She
is a sweet sinsest. She grieves musical
IN. Her verse runs:
! No purp to love, none 81 caress.
Wandering alone through this worlds wilder
ness:
Sad Is my heart joyless roam
! With no dear puppy to follow me home.
She is inconsolable, and pines gradually
down.
In chapter sixth our heroine's cruel
parent is preparing for midnight sortie
along Market street for the capture OF
unwary CANNES. He has only left on
hand, from the previous day, one poo
die, with a pink ribbon around his neck.
He solilequizes on the destiny of dogs,
and wonders how dog'oned strange ii
Ia ,,-oa,,'t N Incr h,,nsalf He