Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1867-12-28
SATURDAY MORNING. DECEMBER 49, 1867 OLD SERIES VOL
The Josh Billings Papers.
SUN ADVISE.

Mi yung friend. yu are about tew begin
life, and altho it may seem dredful impossi.
BILE tew yu, nevertheless yu will be liable to
make sum mistakes while yu are scoring, or
during the fust mile or two.
Let me mix up little advise FOR yu tew
take till you git tew trotting stiddy.
Yu will observe that the advise il designed
for young gentlemen who show sum signs of
speed, and also that i reazon right from the
shoulder.
1st. Treat the old man and the old wo.
man az yure equals smile when they ex-
hort, and laff when they entreat, for no
yung man kan hope for suckcess in the or
namental walks Nv life who don't wear the
belt at home.
.. Ii yu kant raze mustach, commit sui
eide at once and begin agin for it is better
tew die than to suffer disgrace.
q. Cultivate mpudense-impudens is a
good substitute for bravery-only be little
keerful tew pick yure customers when yu
try it.
d. Keep trottcr and fiteiug rooster.
lhezc animals will let yu into the kontidepse
NV men who will watch over yurc morals and
nuss pure genius
8. Avoid the old fogys; they are miser.
able set Nv cowardly croakers, who. like a
third rate dorg, have larnt what little they
kno about vrtew bi simply being overmatcli.
ed in fair fight.
3. Suspekt aul femail virtew. This will
give you an easy flow of ambiguous Ian
guage while in sosiety NV the ladys and
enabel yu tew awaken confusion which yu
kan kali sumthing else.
z. IT yu git desperit, and must marry,
marry for ducats-marrying for blud or for
luv IL too sloppy for man ov spirits. Luv
IL pashun, and IL DESIGNED for 2.story
houses on one ov tho back streets not for a
brown stun front.
y. Bi aul means learn tn sware, aud smoke
freely, and don't ever mistake rain water for
milk punch, onless w want soft thing.
3. Call religion stock jobber's pigeon 20
ketch flats with say that virtew il only
the galvanized impotence ov towards that
wisdum IL but an egg that il added aff at
aul things that are solemn, and sware that
Backus and Venus are the only two gods fit
tcw be worshipped.
Young man, cultivate aul the above graces,
and add tew them what the ardor of yure
genious may inspire, and if the hoss jockeys
and pimps generally don't say yu are q cuss
Nv the brightest hew, and if the devil don't
make yu sum flattering proposals, the days
OF chivalry are positively over, and pudding
anu MIX mas got more glory In IL tnan a
brandy smash, rum sour, or even thomas
and jerry.
Yung man (a fu words with yu in private, J
let these cheerful remarks settle down into
yu when yu git to refekting at l2 o'clock
sum rainy night.
Don't make phool Of yourself by .rieing
to jump 60 feet at one jump and land among
the Bernoys at onst but examine yure bid
clussly and see if vi aint better konstrukted
for sumthing honest
But If yu lind yu must 60 to dispair, then
put on aul the steam yu kan carry, and
either bust or git thare az soon az possibel.
P. S.-When yu git thare, and hev had
enutf ov it, just drop me line anG will
see what kan be did for yu. But don't for
git one thng-that the road back is times
az fur, and all the way up hill besides.