The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1867-02-22
The 4taueoek aeffsrsonian

Matrimony.--Better never than
late. ...
He that is out OF spirit should
drink wine
The man is not tlways a thief who
steals match.
The rcd lamp of doctors shop is
danger signal.
Eat your ham and save your ba-
con.
Ducks lay eggs; geese lay wagcrs.
Ostentation is duty which we owe
to our neighbors; luxury, duty
which we owe to ourselves.
Why is, a gun like q jack?--Be.
cause it goes off after you have loid
ed it.
When is a pugilists eye like n ci.
der keg?-When its bunged up.
When does a bell know every
thingT--Whcn il is tolled.
Why are our fingers particularly
reliable in case of breakage2-Be
cause they are always on hand with
nails.
When is q wine. .bibber like a newly
arrived vessclS--When it goes into
port.
What town should tobacco chew.
ers live in?--Spithead.
Why can no quadruped enter O
city gardcn?--Because there can
never be more than three feet in a
yard.
The coal trade of Pennsylvania
was last year worth over sixty seven
and half millions of dollars.
An old bachelor says ladies wear
corsets from instinct natural love
of being squeezed.
ARITuMETICAL-At what period OF
life does young lady devote her
self to arithmatic2 when she begins
to sigh for (cipher) a lover.
"Oh that my father was seized
with a rcmittant fcver!' sighed a
young spcndthrift at college.
II petticoat government is not
more oppressive now than 70 merly, it
is certainly double in extent.
ara rich man wishes to live in
health" wrote Sir w. Tremble, "he
must live like poor one"
A gentlemen, who has been victim.
lied by notorious borrower, who
always forgot to pay, called him one
of the most promising men of his ac
quainance.
A man in love has very little need
fof victuals. SO il your landlady
doesn't give you enough to eat, ial
in love with her daugter.
The pompous epitaph of close
listed citizen closed with the follow
ing passage OF Scripture "Ilc tha
giveth to the poor lendeth to thu
Lord" "Dat may be So" solilo
quized Sambo, "but wen dat maI
died the Lord dident owe i'm a rec
cent.
PRAYING MADE EAsY.-A very dc
vout fellow not being able to pleas
his nice piety in his prayers, use,
only to repeat the alphabet, an,
add ........ ....
80, Lord God, put these letter,
into syllables, and these syllable'
into words, and these words int,
sentences, that may be most for IN,
real good"
A homely illustration by colore'
preacher in Philadelphia, strikes u
as being both good and Characters
tie: "My brcdrcn, de liberal MAJ
vat glib away his property ain
Il gwine to hebhen for dat, no NOR
dan some OF your sinners. Chart.
amt no good without righteousness
1t is like beefsteak widout gravy
Dat is to say, no good, no how.
A middle-ag man lately presente
, himself at the matrimonial ALTAR
The clergyman, having surveye'
him for moment, said, ,"PraY, friend
[ think you have u wife already liv
ing?" at may be SO, sir" said he
'tor have very treacherous mem
ory," . - Ya.
GAS / was going over the bridg
one day." said native of Erin, :
met Pat Hewins. "Hewins," said ]
show are you?' "Pre;ty well than
you, Donnelly," SAID he, "Donnel
ly! says |; that's not my name.
"Faith then, no more is mine Hew
ms" So with that we looked at eac
other agin, an shure enough, it wa
naythur of u.s." ....r
SCIENTIFIC. 81 fear,,' said coul
try curate to his flock, "when | es
planned to you, in my last chari,
sermon, that philanthropy was Il
love OF our species, you must ha,
understood me to say specie, whio
may account for the smallness of IL
collection. You will prove, | hop
by your present contribution, til
you are no longer laboring und
the same mistake"
The following extract from a mo
deserving popular work called "Tl
Rover; or the Boot blacks Wife
Sisters Niece" is awlully thrillin
We will not insure any young lac
against fainting right away at Il
Il q tt;o 1n,r.llo to,,;r.