Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-04-10
TEMPERANCE AND POLITICs,

Patriarch Of division Of the Sons of TEN.
pcrancc, lately started in Harrisburg, of
which he is q charter member. --Miyger
Organ.
Worthy Patriarch That's wonderful,
aint it? The grand.moral.idca party that
possesses all the education, religion and NOR.
ality in the country and pretty near the
whole world outside Of Africa, have lately
been engaged at tinkering new plank into
their platform. The gloriouscuss from Afri-
ca, being out Of the way, politically, and
loyalty" having been run into the ground,
and "Unionism" proved to be q delusion and
a humbug with that party, their backbone
began to give way as has lately been seen by
the election returns from little Connecticut,
so it became necessary to apply an elixir in
the form Of another humbug that would ans
wer to keep them on their feet till after the
next Presidential election. Temperance was
just the thing. 1t is . God.send, and the
drunken cusses have agreed to sober up
till after the next Presidential election.
They are fast enrolling themselves into the
ranks Of the Good Tempars and such other
Temperance Societies as urc in vogue in
the different localities and States, and which
are in harmony with the grand ideas Of the
political dsspots that now rule this country.
Temperance is just thething. LISA glorious
cause and holy work. Who dare say any
thing against it? All the blood-and-thun-
der war clergy will Of course be on the tenn
perancc side, and who could object to their
preaching temperance This fact alonc is
regarded 'big thing and will make votes
for the temperance candidate. A great
temperance man is now wanted US candidate
for Supreme Judge. The difficulty will be
to find one 4 great many, however, have
commenced to sober up publicly during
the past six months They are convinced
that drinking, like dancing, is luxury
only to lie enjoyed in the parlor As
Ex-Governor Pollock has been tenn
perance man Of long standing tpubliclyl
we have sort o: intuitivc prescionce that
he has already been fixed upon as "the
man." Just see if they don, trot him out.
! Then, it will also be observed, says one of
them, that all the leading soldiers" are
temperance men. For example, there
is Col. Bludgeon of Bungholetown. 1t is
well known that he killed with one of his
spurs no less than 100000 Rebels in a
single retreat He is hand and heart in
the glorious cause, and lately delivered a
very able temperance address at Slim.
town. There also is Brigadier General
Hapgdog of Whippoorwill valley. He is
a gallant Jackass. His name illuminates
every page Of our country's history during
the late bloody struggle. Rebels innumer-
able bit the dust ut his command. Though
but forty years Of age, he never drank over
forty barrels Of whi,key in his life. Like
John Wonderful Geary, he is model tenn
perancc man, and is hand and heart with us
in the great and glorious cause. lie lately
| delivered a powerful lecture" of fifteen
minutes duration to our fricnds in Bedam.
lie says that every "soldicr' that served in
his division has signed the pledge and in.
tends to support our candidate irrespective
Of party politics. Oh, / tell you, the work
goes brayely on! Wen win as sure as there s
ahAl, If We only keep sober till after the
election! Try to keep orr fellows right
For God sake don't let them get drunk in
public. 1t will damage the success of our
party at the polls. We must at least pre-.
tend to be sincere, and make some show Of
consistency, else we shall fail in the grand
object; for We must remember that as goe.
the State this fall for Supreme Judge so will
i, go for President in 1868. There also is
Brigadier General Womanhanger. He is a
model temperance man, though the cop
perheads' will say that the only reason he
don't drink now il lCcause les gotto be SC
poor he cant buy any more whiskey, and SC
Internal disrcputable that he has not credit
enough to buy cracker. The hides ad
mire him because he was brave enough tt
hang an innocent women; and it lis an OLD
and true saying that none but the brave de-
serve the fair. Though Mrs Surratt wa.
innocent yet her loss will be our profit, for il
was by her innocence and death that our co
laborer in the GLORIOUS cause became 81
distinguished and influential that for hi
sake alone almost every lady in the land il
willing and dcsrous to join our happy band
This lecturer has great advantage owe
most Others for few can boast of havin!
ever assisted in eItinguishing the life out O
murdered innocence. This catalogue nigh
be prolonged indefinitely, but it is sufficient
ly long to show that with such material a
work we must succeed at the next election
One thing more and | am done. 1t is al
right enough to be honest and truthful il
business, but in politics We must lie, for ,hi
is the Only way We can get ahead of tn
democrats. Their arguments we cannot re
flute, and therefore We must belle them t
death. They don't driaa as much whisky
as we DO; but we must say they do, and W
must call them the rot-gut whiskey part
and get up prejudice against them. Som
ofour papers have a lready commenced t