South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1867-03-29
TNND HUMoR


BLACK Stockings of all'colors," are adj
vertised In an Irish paper. E.TCE
Mr.. Robert T Apple was married TO Miss
Rebecca Jack, a few days ago, in an interi-
or county Of Indiana. We hope. that they
may prove good quality of"Apple Jack. +"
, The Richmoud Dispatch SAYS 4 letter was
received in the city Post Office with the
following address: ''Corn Knecl you us
Smith, Richmun, Virgginney."
Shocks says the reason he does not oct
married is, that his house is not large enough
TO contain the consequences.
A man in apparent haste entered one Of
the express Offices in Cincinnati, and inouir-
cd of the agent how long IL would take TO
express corpse to Bennington, Vermont.
"Two days and half or three. davsy'-
Could you positively assure me that il conld
he done by Sunday next, as it is desirable
that the funeral should take place on that
day. eyes it can be done if you send it
around This afternoon, so that we can start
II of on to-night's train "Woll, the
corpse is my mothers; she was not Gcitc
dead when left the house, but | guess she
is by this time. ''Send your mother along"
well put her through
A farmer near Montreal SAYS no ono need
tell him that advertising won cause a big
rush, for lac advertised ten bushels of grapes
for sale, and the next morning the boys had
stolen them all
The Scripture says ''the glory of wo-
man is her hair" but it no where says that.
the glory of any woman is any other woman's
hair.
The First Texas (Fedcral) cavalry form
cd part of the force under General David
son in his raid to Pascagoula from Baton
Rouge. Several orders had been issued
against struggling and foraging nenight,
after a hard days march, Colonel HAYNES
and Major Holt, of the First Texas, had Just
got comfortably to bed, when big hog set
a most unearthly squealin the neigh borhood
of the camp. The Colonel Immediately be-
gan to rouse an orderly to send for the Off
Ger of the day, when the Major, opening his
eyes, yawned out
'Lie down, Colonel, that's none of our
men"
"How do you know that's none of our
men p
"Wen, Colonel, I have campaigncd
heap more with this regimenttha you, and
| have found out that when the First Texas
strikes hog it never squeals but once"
That was entirely satisfactory, and the
Colonel slept calmly.
A WEDDING FEE.-"Many and many a
year ago." how many deponent saith not, a
youthful couple appeared at the gateway of
parsonage of town not a hundred miles
from Harvard. Mounted on sober nag.
they also claimed companionship with bag,
evidently filed with some valuable commod-
ity. Dismounting, the gallant youth left
his lady and the bag, and proceeded up the
avenue of elms leading to the pastor door,
and entered the mansion. Soon reappear-
ing, he waved his hand to the waiting damscl.
at the same time calling, in stcntoran tones.
Come along, he says he will take bcans"
Guiding the steed to the door, the lady was
received by her would-be lord, and soon the
''twain were made one flesh, and the min
lister wasleft in possession ola goolly supply
of beans.
An old minister, while one day pursuing
bis studies, was suddenly interrupted by
his wife asking him the qucstion-on which
y
think we shall know each othcriu heaven ?'
Without moments hesitation he rDuiicd.
"To be sure we shall. DO you thiuk We
shall be greater fools than we are here ~
A PoRcINE JoKE--A good story IS told
OF Mr.. Sayer, Of Lexington, Ky
Mr.. Sayer lisps a little, aud a good Joke
is told on him, the better for its truth Some
years since an ovcrscer Of one orh- farms
told him be needed some hogs on his place.
Said Mr. Sayer:
Every well, 20 and buy four CT five
thouth and pigs right away, and put them
on the farm"
The man, accustomed to obey, and that
without questioning, asked
"Shall take the money with me to pur-
chase with -
'No thir They all know me. Thcnd
them here-l'll pay for them, or give you
the money TO pay when you get them"
The ovcrscor went bis way, and in twn
weeks returned, when the following CONVEX.
sation took place
"Wcll, Mr. Savcr 7 can't got that many
pigs. ! have ridden on over the country
all about and can buy but between eight
and nine hundred
Eight or nine hundred what"
eight OF nine hundred pigs"
eight or nine hundred rig'h WI,
told you to buy that manyP..,I Arcyo
fool 20
"Youtoi me tobuy them two weeks since
] have tried o. do IL"
4.E,.It ,.- &c.,. .... 3 q