The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-04-06
THE CAUDLE CURTAIN LECTUREs

Mrs. Candle Returns TO Her Native
Land---"UnmanIy Cruelty OF Cnu.
die, who Has Refused ssto SmuEsIe
n Few ThInEs'' for Her.
"There, it ISN'T often that / ask you to
do anything for me, Mr.. Caudle, good
ness knowsl and when do, I'm always
Tefused-of course. oh, yesi anybody
but your own lawful wife. Every 9TH
er husband aboard the boat could be-
have like husband-but was left to
shift for myself. To be sure, that's
nothing new; 1 always am. Every
other man worthy 10 be called a man,
could smuggle few things for his wife
but might as we'll be alone in the
world, Not one poor hRlf-doZen ofsilk
stockings could you put in your hat for
me; and everybody else was rolled in
lace, and 1 don't know what. Eh?
WhHt, Mr.. CRudle? Whdt do I tOanf
tcith six stockiR1SS Well-it's come to
something, nowl There was a time, /
believe, when had a foot-yes, and an
ankle, too; but when once a Woman's
married, she has nothing of the sort, of
course. No; I'm not a cherub, Mr..
CRudle; don't say that. / know very
well what am,
II dare say now, you'd have been de-
lighted to smuggle for Miss Prettyman?
SILK stockings become herI You tpish
you, Mr.. Caudle; that's only your art
your hypocrisy. A nice person, too,
she'd be for the moon; it would be none
the brighter for her being in it, know.
And when you saw the Custom House
officers look at me, as though they were
piercing me through, what was your
conduct Shameful. You twittered
about, and fdgeted, and flushed up as
II really t1dS smuggler. So I I0GS I?
What had that to do with it +? 1t wasn't
the part OF husband, L think, to fidget
in that way, and show it. You couldn't
help EtS, Humph2 And you call your
self person of strong mind, 1 believe +?
One of the lords of creationi Ha! ha I
couldn't help i'll
but may do all can to save the
money, and this is always my reward,
Yes, Mr.. Caudle. shall save a great
deal. HoiV much , 1 sba'n't tell YOU.
1 know your meannesS-you'd want to
stop it out of the house allowance. No;
it's nothing to you where 1 got the
money from to buy so many things.
The money was my own. Well, and if
1t was yours first, that's nothing to do
with il. No. haven't saved it out of
the puddings. But it's ALWAYS the
woman who saves who's despised. It's
only your fine lady-wives who're prop
erly thought Of If was TO ruin YOU,
Caudle, then you'd think something
of me.
81 sha'n't go to sleep. It's very well
for you who're no sooner in bed than
you're fast asleep as "A church; but 1
can't sleep in that way. It's my mind
keeps me awake. And after all, do
feel so happy tonight; it's very hard L
cannot enjoy my thoughts. No: Icdu'E
think az SttenceI There's much enjoy
ment in that TO be surel I've no
doubt now You could listen to Miss
Prettyman-oh, 1 don't care, will
speak, 1t was little more than odd, 1
think, that she should be on the jetty
when the boat came in. Hal she'd been
looking for you all the morning with a
telescope, I've no doubt-she's bold
she sneered and gigyled when she saw
me, and said, How fat I'd got;' like
her impndence, 1 think. Whatf Vel
she might? But 1 know what she want
ed. Hes-she'd have liked to have had
me searched. She laughed on purpose.
dear girls with me. What things
could have stitched about 'em! No
I'm not ashamed of myself to make nv
innocent children smugglers: the more
innocent they looked the better; but
there you are with what you call your
principles againi as ifit wasn't given to
every body by nature to smuggle. I'm
sure otit-it's born with us. And nice
ly I've cheated 'em this day. Lace and
velvet, and silk stockings, and other
stockings, and other things,-to say
nothing of the tumblers and decanters.
No; didn't look as i'll wanted direc-
tloni Tor fear somebody should break
me. That's another of wha: you call
your Jokesi but you should keep 'em
for those who like 'em. I don't.
What hare I made after dLIP I've
told you-you shall never, never know.
Yes, know you'd been fined hum
dred pounds If they'd searched me: but
i naVaF fhaf fIaNF Oh :.
say you wouldn't smuggle-oh mol YOU
don't think 1t worth your while. You're
quite con1uror, you are, Caudle. Hal
ha! ha! What am I laughing dts oh,
you little knoW-such clever crea-
ture! Ha! hal Well, now, I'll tell you.
knew what an unaccommodating an
lnal you were; so made you smuggle
whether or not. Hour Why, when
you were out at the CdIe, got your
great rough coat, and if didn't stitch
ten yards ofbest black velvet under the
lining, Pm sinful womanI And to
see how innocent you looked when the
officers walked round and round youI
It was happy moment, Caudle, to see
you.
"What do you call 1t? A shameful
trick-uRiDOTtiy of a tciIeS I eouLdn't
care much for yOuS AS If / didn't
prove that, by trusting you with ten
yards OF velvet. But don't care what
N0 DaNEA .HNtEYkul0R-Hll
but that beautiful English novel, that
I've forgot the name of. And II they
didn't take 1t out OF my hand. and
chopped it to bits like so much dogs
meat. SeTUed ne rig ht9 And when I
SO seldom buy boOkI No; don't see
how 1t served me right, If you can
buy the same book in France for four
shillings that people here have the i'm
Pudence 10 ask more than a guinea for
well, IL they do steal it, that's their
affair, not, ours, As IL there was any-
thing in book to steal
And now, Gaudle; when are you
going home2 ? What? Our time IS not
up! Thats nothing to do with il. LII
we even lose aiweek's lodging-and we
mayn't do that-we shall save it again
in living But you're such a man
YOU'RE homes the last place with YOU.
I'm sure don't get a wink of a night,
thinking what may happen. Three
fires last week; and any one might as
we'll have been at our house as moi.
NO-they BlightntS Well you know
what mean-but you're such a man
I'm sure, too, we've had quite
enough OF this place. But there's no
keeping you out of the libraries, Caudle.
You're getting such a gambler. And /
don't think it's nice example to set to /
your children, railing as you do for
French clocks and 1 don't know what.
But that's not the worst, you never
win anything. Oh, L forgot. Yes; a |
needle case, that under my nose you
gave to Miss Prettyman. A nice thing
for married man TO make presents; /
and to such creature as that, too. A
needle-casei i wonder whether she /
has needle IN her hand!
Il know shall feel ill with anxiety l
II stop here Nobody Left in the house |
but that Mrs. Closepeg. And she such |
a stupid woman. 1t was only last night |