North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1867-04-03

school Address.
If our readers can get as much genuine
fun out Of the subjoined lecture or address
as we and many friends have done they
ought to be congi atulated. The speech,
mind you, is not mis-spelled to tone it up,
as are many other popular" productions
of the hour: its merit is in the vein of
satire pervnding it, and the keen burlesque
of much of the talk which is handed out
to children. We commend it to Mai. Chez
ney, of Whitewater, Wisconsin, and to
Hon. A. w. Randall, Post Master General,
two gentlemen who are credited with be-
ing the best School Orators of the North
west "Alool-n and g Rufan will excuse
this impudence Of ours. If we did not
know them to be personal friends and
great lovers of humor we would not take
the liberty. We would almost 60 to Santa
Cruz to see Geo. I. Bromley:
There was public school festival at
Santa Cruz, California, not long since, at
which George L. Bromley. well-known
"mine host" of that locality, delivered
the following extemporaneous address. 1t
is pervaded by vein of humor that would
do honor to Mark Twain's best efforts:
"LADIEs AND GENTLEMEN 81 appear
before you to apologize for the non-appear-
ance of the two gentlemen whose names
appear on the programme, and am re-
quested to make speech as substitute
for the song they were to sing.
Now, was calculating to address the
children on this occasion, but unfortunate
ly the young lady who was to accompany
the address on the piano was so overcome
by its rehearsal that she has not been out
of the house since; therefore l shall have
to deliver the address without the music,
and leave out the most affecting part of it
for fear of consequences.
If there is any one thing l love to do
better than another it is to make speeches
to children, because l love them-and, in
fact, have it from very good authority, l
was once little boy myself; and though
not as good as some little boys, yet the
only reason of that was, there were so
many little boys who were better than
was. So you see how near came to be-
ing one of the best boys in the district. l
mention this for your encouragement
Now. we want you all to be very good
children, and love your books and your
teachers. You must love your teachers.
l love your teachers, because your teach
ers are the most loveable teachers ever
knew; and they have worked very hard to
get up this festival, to raise money to put
a new floor in the school house, and to get
nice new seats for little boys trowsers-
no, nice new trowsers for the little boys
seats. No, don't mean that either; but
l am so confused-what l mean is, to get
nice new seats to keep the boys from wear
ing out their trowsers. Now, they have
worked hard to do oil THO, and have
sometimes sat up late at night; and have
been SO sorry that could not set up with
them and help them; but l couldn't, be-
cause had to sit up at the hotel to let in
people that were out late. Now, l want
you all to be good children, and never
keep the man up late at the hotel to let
you in, when he wants to be sitting up
with your teachers, and help to get up a
festival to raise money to get new floor,
and all that sort of thing, for the school
house. Now, if what am saying is too
deep for you children to understand, you
can get your parents to explain it to you
in the morning when they get through
dancing.
Oh! when was a little boy how did
love to go to school, Saturday afternoon
and well do l remember my first sum in
arithmetic; and / was very proud of it,
for it was some sum, thoug ht. can see
it now as plainly as though it were but
twenty-five or thirty years ago. l set it
down, and then l added it up. 1t was
ought and ought is ought, and ought is
ought to ought. cut off the top line and
;s proved, correctly. Then took it to the
teacher, and expected he would get me
a situation in the corner grocery store-I
was so quick at figures. He looked at the
sum and passed back the slate, and, said
he, You have figured up about all you
will ever amount to-" l didn't know at
the time what he meant, but was very
much affected. and l thanked him, and
asked him if l gould stand up and see
who whispered. He said no, but might
60 home and tell my mother to put nail
in my forehead to hang my hat on-that
it was a pity to wear out good hats on
ouCH a hCdus w z I'LL lOtCu tudt tctlCHCT-
when he moved away. He was very pi-
Gus, and always opened school with pray
er or with long stick, and we used to
think he didn't care which, for he told us
once he was bound to have school open on
time if he had to open it with an oyster
knife-he was so prompt. lie used to re-
peat Scripture for us but he was very
forgetful, and once he tried to tell us
about what is said of "Sufer little chill
dren," and he forgot the rest, so the little
children had to suffer.
Now, want to show you the impor-
lance of improving your time. once
knew little hoy in San Jose who loved to
go to school, and loved his books, and he
grew up, and he became great. and wise,
and good and when he had learned all
there was in San Jose, he moved to Mil
pitas, and there he was made Postmaster
| and when the other two men moved away
he set up hotel, and had no opposition.
So. you see, you must love your books. if
you ever want to be Postmaster at Milpi-
tas. once knew little boy in the
States who played truant and went sliding
| down hill, and the ice broke and he went
in swimming; and what was the conse-
quence? Why, his teacher had the quin-
sy, sore throat and the neuralgia in the
head, and couldn't sing in the choir the
next Sunday, and DR.. Holmes and Mr..
Aud had to do all the singing.
Now, we want you all to love your
books and your teachers, and grow up to
be great, and wise, and good then, when
you are called upon to make speech at a
school festival you will know how easy it
is to begin, and how hard it is to leave off
for ! have been trying about five minutes
to stop this one Of mine, and now can
only do SO by abruptly leaving, with many
thanks for your kind attention and gener,
GUS applause. Good night.
HURRAH!-Capt. Bisbee, of the Ala.
makee, is in Pittsburg, looking after