Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-08-24
SALMAGUNDI.

when he makes a maiden speechY P
 %Which is the left side of a plum The side not eaten.
 Dds-If small boy is a lad, is that a reason that larger boy should be a ladder2 sa
 sS.T am surprised Thy dear, that I have never seen you bIush.' sThe fact is husband, I was born to blush unseen
 p@- Which causes girl the, most pleasure, to hear herself praised, or another gfrl run down?
 s~1Tl give that girl A piece of my mind! exclaimed a certain young feI- low. I wouldn't replied his uncle, you have none to spare.'
 pzrI If man reap whatever he sow eth, what harvest of coats and brccch- es tae tailor will have one of these days.
 p@-A young man who was crossed in love, attempted to commit suicide, by taking dose of yeast powder. He immediately rose above his troubles.
 D1-A lady advertising for a husband, is very particular to have it understood that none need apply who arc under six feet That female is strongly in favor of uY metl
 bT-A man who had severe fall was asked by the surgeon-'Have you sprained yourself near the fibular?' No, sir answered he; near the inar- 
 B@r What was the difference between a Dutchman on feather bed and a Know-Nothing? One was Duth on the down and the other down on the Dutch
 SHAMEFUL.-A lady trampled on a dogs tail the other day, and the ani- nal bit her leg. The blood did not flow, however; only saw-dust flew. He did not go deep enough for blood.
 nT-A young lady lately appearing in male attire, some male brutcs said that her disguise was so perfect that she might have passed foi' h man, had she q little more modesty.
 as-.Those crying nuisances,' said a sanitary reformer, at the time like this, ought to be abated.' Then observed a horrid old single gentleman, we shall have to kill all the babies.'
 B4-A wag once sent an editor the first chapter in Matthew, as an original article for his paper. The editor thought it was all right, and made use of the chapter for leader.
 ass-'What is love, Clar?' said Biis, the other night as he sat by the side of his sweetheart. Love, Bill, I hardly know what it is, but suppose it must bs getting married and kissing babies Bill tainted.
 pS~A man who was schtenccd to be hung was visited by his wife, who said My dear, would you like for the chil- dren to see you executedT 'No,' re- piled he. That's just like you, said she, for you never wanted the children to have any enjoyment
 sa~ Kate was talking glowingly about love apples. That's strange Charley, her accepted lover, Why should love be associated with apples? On the contrary, thought that love always went in pAIRs.' Kate smiled approvingly.
 nw-A clergyman happening to get wet, was standing over the session-fire to dry his clothes, and when his col league came in, he asked him to preach for him, as he was very wet. No sir; I thank you,' was the prompt reply; preach yourself, you will be dry enough in the pulpit
 ~'Amelia, for thec-yes, at thy I'd tear this eternal firma- ment into a thousand fragmehts-id gather the stars one by one as they tumbled from tho regions of etherial space, and put them in my trowsers pockets; I'd pluck the sun--that ori- ental god of day, that tfaserses the blns arch of Heaven in such majestic splen- dor--t'd tear him from the sky and quench it's bright ef'ulgencei in the foun. tain of my eternal love for theeP
 p6rA blunt, wealthy farmer had six A young man of equal came to him and asked his permission to address one of them. The farmer replied; Do you wish to marry IN or OUT, sir, for have about as many now as my hearth will hold. I wish to marty out sir was the re- ply. Then take one,' said the farmer: but mind you, no picking and choos- ing; take them as they came into the world
 p0rA lawyer, who was sometimes having been engaged to plead the cause of an offender, began by say. ing: T know the prisoner at the bai, and he bears the character of being a most consumate and impudent scoun- drel.' Here somebody whispered to him that the prisoner was his client when he immediately continued: But what great aud good man ever lived who was not caluminated by many of his contemporaries?'
 s9s-A lady in Lafayette, Ind, recent ly in preparing her Sunday dinner put some beans in pot to bake. In hur- " to get to church she inadvertently put her hymn-book in the pot and wrapped piece of pork in her pocket