Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-09-03
Scberrigh KObbJedrs.

What comes after cheese? Mouse.
Moving for new trial-courting a second
wife
Song of the Larks-we won't go home till
morning.
Barnum last curiosity is the wings of Fly
ing visit.
Wanted-a fresh covering for the bells that
have pealed.
That pretty go" said the husband when
his beautiful wife ran away from him.
II really can't express my thanks as the
boy said when he received thrashing.
An amusing item in the Louisville census is
thirty thousand cats Of the Thomas gender.
A young man says: 'When [ went to see
lady, and unexpectedly found half dozen, l
was miss taken.
Among the causes of death given in the June
homeopathic foolery.'
A critic calls the verses and sentimental sto-
rles OF young writers the teeth cutting and mea-
sizes of literary infancy.
If a man who makes deposition is depos-
itorr, does it necessarily follow that a man who
makes an allegation is an alligator?
Because, my dear sir, Mrs. Jones VOWS she
will not go out of the house until [ get a new
one. /"
An advertising tallow chandler modestly says
that, without intending any disparagement to
the sun, he may confidently assert that his oc-
tagonal spermacetl are the best lights ever in
vented.
The Newburg Journal notices birth on the
cars, and heads it, Born at thirty-nine miles
an hour" If that youth isn't fast, it won t be
because he hadn't good start.
The strongest man has just been heard Of =
He was lecturing to female assembly in the
West, and an editor describes the scene in this
manner: Three thousand ladies hanging on
the lips of one man -
A fellow was kicked out of an editorial room,
the other day, for impudently stating that She
had seen In Germany fiddle so large that it re-
quired two horses to draw the bow across the
strings. which would continue to sound for six
weeks p
Il say said wag to tall youth, ''wasn' t
there tall tree in front of your father house?'
why SOP inquired the young fellow BE
cause you look so laundering green; reckon
ed you must have been brought up in the
shade"
Teacher Tommy, what does hair spell?
Apt Pupil-t'Dunno, sill"
Teacher-"Why, you numbskull, what have
you got on your head?''
Apt pupil dunno, sir, but I thinks it
bees a flea.
''What object do you see?' asked surgeon
OF patient who had recently undergone an op-
Grafton to restore his eyesight The young I'm
hesltated few moments, and then replied sit
appears like ,jackass, doctor, but rather
think its your shadow
Artemus Ward, being at one of the New
York churches, edited the audience by his un-
expected reply to the preachers text, which
was as follows "How are the mighty fallen p
After short pause Artemus looked up inqui-
rlngly and said meekly,-"I give it up"
Did you present your account to the defen-
dant 2, inquired lawyer of client.
L did, your honor"
And what did he say?''
He told me to go to the devil
And what did you do then?'
why, then | came to you
Sam, said an interesting young mother to
her youngest hopeful, do you know what the
difference is between the body and the soul ?''
The soul is what you love with, the body car
ries you about. This is your body touching
the little fellows arms and shoulders y but
there is something deeper in; you can tell it
now. What is it?" ooh, know" said Sam
with fash of intelligence in his eyes, ''that' s
my flannel shirt - 81