The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1867-03-09
humorous.
From the Toledo Blade.
Nasty.
Posi- Orris, CONFIDENT Y ROADS.
(which is in the Stait nv Kentuckv,1

(which is in the Stait nv Kentuckv,)
February, il 1867.
1t wnz crooel necessity, after all, whic
drnv me into the servis of His Eggslency, A
johnson. Croocl, | say, for whenever h
hez partikerly. mean peace nv work tn per
form, suthin so inexpressibe sneakin tina
Seward nor Randall wont undertake it, the,
alluz send for me. Welles is alluz willin
but while he hez the disposition to do any
thing in the line, he lacks the ability to dc
anythin, and the disposition to do mos
things. aud therefore hev bin employed in
only extreme cases.
The success witch attended McCrackcn'
mission, cndin ez it did in the resicnin NV
Motley, stimulated Seward to prosecute sim.
liar researches into the actool opinions NV
the home crop Nv oifisers regardin him and
his, and my.superior, A. johnson. Randall
wnz applied to take n tour among Post Mas.
tiers and SIGH. Hc declined the mission in.
dlgnantly, with the remark, is thy servant
dog, or the son Nv a dog, that he shood do
this thing?' And ca Welles isn't trusted
NV Washington any more wuz sent for
| The biznis required of me wuz stated bv
Seward in his yoosual lucid style. 1t WIZ
merely to cirkelate i0cognito, which is Latin
Tor sneakin', among the recently appointed
oils holders, and ascertain there vews upon
general politkle topiks, but more especially
there feelins toward the President and Sec.
rotary Of State. Jest cz wuz startin, not at
/
all pleased with the mission, Wcles put in
his oar He wuz agoin to give me instruc.
! tons cz to what | wuz to do. Wclles is n
lunatIk never Good abide, and felt 1t my
dooty to wither him. Transtixin the vcner.
able Secretary with one NV my picrccnest
! gazes, remarked; Sir. in imitashcn nv
/ the man who inflicted You upon this country
| which wuz not the least ef his acts for which
the coNntsy casScs him, propose rc!atin a
little anecdotc. Their WIZ wonst Il man who
| wuz nebriatcd, and that he might present
| hisselt in state approck slmating sobricty to
| the partner Of his buzzonl, he was cssayin to
vonit, tryin thus to ease his stummick OF the
| cause of the unpleasantncss therein, but he
coodent do it. lie hcayed and heaved, but
there WIZ no result. At this critike period
| another man approached, who remarked
kinly that ef he desired tn vomit, his best
holt wood be to run his finger down his
throat. The drunk individool looked up in.
dignant at this unwarrantcd interference with
his constitutional rites, Blast yoor eyes,
Sir, sed he. are YOU or me boss of this we're
puke"
This, Secretary WcIlcs, is the anccdote.
| respcck the position 700 hold, and dislike
sayin anything disagrecaLle. but sir, this is
a puke, and | pcrposc to boss it misclf
startid to wunet, and found things in a
mserably mixed condition. The folowin
is compiled from my reports: In Moo York
the Postmasters generally are sound. The
crops were poor last year. and. all kinds nv
biznis bein dull. the Postmasters generally
are anxious to hold IN. They arc, there.
fore, outspokep in their support of the coz.
| Them as WIZ men nv good Standin and re.
ligiousy inclined. before the rupchure be.
tween the President and the party which re.
doost him, says but very little in public. and
| that little they don't say very long. They
generally cant see that there is any partiklcr
difference between the Presidents plan and
, the plan nv Congress, and ther hc:n so little
| Congress ought to yield for the sake NV peas
| The Dimocrats holdin SIGH places air londe
ennfI in support ofthc Administration, but,
| good Heaven, the Endorsement of SIGH men
is too heavy Il load for any party 10 carry.
In Ohio, the nrst place stopped at wuz
/ Obcrlin, the place where the niger college
is located at. | regret TO say that the Post.
master at that pint is rantin ablishnist,
and in the two hours WIZ there, | koodcnt
I find q Conservative Republican who wood
| take it, ! got one nearly persuaded, but
| lust ~ he WIZ about to consent his wife fell
n wccpn onto his buzzom, and with techin
pathos wanted TO know eff he was w;lin, for
scch small pay, to leave !; tafnished'namc TO
! the four children now born to them. an the
one wich waz expected He repentcd, and
refused. ! ddn' investigate cz fully Ell i
might for thcr Amt a drop OF lihkcr sold
their, end az my flask civ out, found that
! doc consideration for mi health woodcnt
permit mi stayin another hour reckon.
mend the abolshun of the oils, or the rs
Enlistment nv grocery, with Il bar in the
back room, ez a nucleus, around witch the
| Dimokrisy kin rally.
The next place cum To found the Post
master suspishus karactcr--yery suspishns.
| Whenever he is drunk he Specks very HIGH
| ly NV the Secretary nv State, but when sober
he avoids politikle matters, sejest a rase
in the gallery at tho offs. that he kin afford
to keep drunk all the time.
At the next pint intcrdoost niselr ez y
Englifh noblcman i'll disguise. studying
| Amerlkin manners and customs, aud men.
shund careessly that he'd bin to Washing.
ton, aud he'd bin presented to the President
and Secretary nv State. The Postmaster
waz vizably affected. CHANGING fhrtively
around, to see that no one WIZ lookin. he
remarked, in q low tone, My dear sir don't
| beg of You, form yeor idea Of the pubick
men Nv Ameriky from them specimens
Don't, beg. The first, sir, is a accident
scch man Good never hey bin on purpose.
The secoad was suthing in his earlier years,
but now, sir, he's a degraded old man, aud
he burstid into tears. Bein determined to
hold onto his place. he tried at fast TO bring
| tbn prncida hv ol-s,lnnf unltn he la,o1