Delaware gazette. [volume] (Delaware, Ohio) 1855-1886, 1867-05-24
All About Mems Shirts.

A long time ago 1 undertook the esU-
pervision of q set of shirts, including,
of course, their WeaFer. IL was the
height of my ambition that the man
should be exactly fitted by his shirts,
concerning which he began to make
complaints just one moon after took
him in charge.
what is the matter with them p I
meekiy inquired.
There isn't a single one that fits
me-"
Totally unconscious Of the inherent
Wickedness Of the article concerned, i
fattered myself that the difficulty
would be easily remedied. So / ripped
here and basted there, pulled up this
shoulder and pulled down that, until
I thought I had got it. Mistaken NOR
tai il would not fit I made another
series Of experiments with equally fu-
tile results. Then / consulted one or
two friends, and felt sure had at last
discovered where the shOe-l mean
the sbirt-pinched. / applied a cure,
but the thing wasn't cured. Next l
employed a tailor to try his skill. Not
one whit better. The man was getting
-and I was gettiDg--desperate.
As my deTHjer resort, 1 summoned a
council of sewing g-soeiety women and
we went into a committee Of the whole.
For hours we expended our united
wits on a single shirt, often subjectlng
the luckless owner to successive trails
Of the garment
Don't that now fit your neck eX-
actly 2" asked the head of the con-
spiracy, as for the forty-hfth time We
YES, with q charming smile of relief,
and twisting his head about expert
mentally Really u can't suggest any
Improvement" "Oh be joyful II eX-
claimed I, elappiDg my hands.
Suppose, said one Of the wise Wo-
men, looking at me over her glasses as
if some important idea had struck her,
suppose we cut out a new shirt on the
improved plan, and if that suits, Well
take pattern from it. Agreed, " cried
/, quite iubilant, and ran to a chest for
the cotton. So we cut, basted, and
tried on-seWed and tried on-staroh-
ed, ironed, and tried on.
Capital u affirmed our representa-
tive of the lordly sex. Not thread
amiss. It is the first time IN my life
that a shirt has exactly fitted me.
As grateful memorial, / made up
six new ones after that same pattern.
We entered on our triUmphal epoch.
Woe worth the day Must l own
that before forty light hours had pass,
ed, that "eUactly fitted" individual
called me aside, and pointed with cru
ell significance to his neck.
81 am very sorry, with the blandest
air in the world. i suppose your mis-
take came from your great desire
to choke me- +" Mistake choke you u
echoed I convulsively, a little tempted
to try the latter. Don't be troubled,
it requires only slight alteration--ia
trihe cut out of the binding, that's all.
You see it's rather large. Why couldn't
he have found it out before 2'-to my
self,-then aloud with great dignity
"Tell me precisely how much TO cut
out" Well, I should say just about
an inch" Just about an inch, NUT
tered [ sarcastically, adding " l believe
the mischief is all In your neck, Whlcn
dilates and contracts on purpose to
torment me" He smiled kindly upon
my wrathfUl tears, and I---Well-when
the shirt was rough dry" i duhtully
cut out the inch, basted the binding,
and tried it on again.
''That is just what I wanted 1t
does very nicely now, you see, work
ing his chin up and down. Yes,
see. 1 did before Practice makes
perfect, and this time yod hit the nail
on the head"
When the change was completed, he
once more tried on the shirt and une-
quivocally assured me It fitted to a
T. So I made the same alteration IN
the other five, and sat down to take
DIT Of comfort.
Can you imagine what next happen
ed In the course Of fortnight the
man gave me an invitation 70 ride
with him, which / was only too happy
to accept. How extremely gracious
and agreeable he was might have
suspected something was coming.
From one thing TO another he led the
conversation, until he finally approach
ed the old hateful tropic, Che had on
one of his new shirts.) / don't mind
my vexation," remarked |, inn0cently,
now that you are at last suited.
Then. supposing the matter forever at
rest, / turned to a pleasanter subject.
But coming back to the shirts again,
his face assumed such a deprecating
look that j exclaimed In alarm
Nothing ails them now, l hope. On
" a very little thing, and easily alter
ed. In your fear Of getting them too
large, they are a triile too small-Only
a trife." My heart sWelled but l ut
tered not word.
When We reached home 1 made him
measure off on his forehnger exactly
how much he wanted inserted. The
shirt he had on happened to be tho
identical one I had first altered. was
fortunate enough to discover in my
workbasket the very piece i had cut
out. And was malicious enough 90
eXult at its proving the exact measure
of the addition wanted. So / seWed it
on again, repeating to myself all the
while, "Oh, the crOtchetlneSs OF men T.
Will YOU believe me when / whisper
it confdentally, that after oil this for
many years, / alternated between cut
ting out the solf-same pieUe-the mans
neck invariably playing me false. Ot
late, however, / have dropped the Ia
Dor of sewing, having discovered that
piauiag OUer one week, and unpinnlng
the next, answers all the purposes
The victim Of this perpetual change
silently acquiesces in the inevitable
arrangement and what is better, no
has learned 10 do ID himself. There la
a shirt hanging over a chair ln ms
chamber at this moment. 1 have the
curiosity to 60 in and examine 1t, as i
have been writing. l ind il is the
piRaiag 0Uer week.-H0urs at Home.