Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1867-01-24


sense and Nonsense.
"A rare combination dollars and
I -. "A - ), photographers epitaphA Taken
Warm and cold = Hottentots and
l. How much does fool weigh gener-
allys simple ton. "a
Never make sport of lady's com
| plexion. 1t is "Meen Fun
| ~" 1t takes nine, tailors to make d
| man r-but one is enough to ruin him.
What ailments are policemen the
most afflicted with? Felons ON their hands.
--Naturalists have now settled the
fact thateyery COW once wore; alfskin boots 'cr
WHY is billiard player like a
thief in crowd? Because he aims for the pockets.
WHY is the indorser Of note called
| a surety? Because he is almost sure to haze TO
I pay it,: A. ga vs. 81.
WHY is the act of q person walking
up, hill like blackguardism: Because it is not
de(s)cent
-Maximilian is; said to be a. descend
ant of the Cesars., He is certainly the seizer OF
Mexico.
An ardent entomologist lately fell in
love. with a lady solely because of her, beetle
"A man that runs against a wheelbar-
row may be compared to an instrument of science,
for he is a barometer. FL
-Elopements, divorces and crime are
so numerous that the New York Sun thinks the
whole continent is incontinent.
"A literary man, on retiring into pri-
vate life, said his connection with the press had
thawed, and resolved itself into "adieu."
IF H oil tho worlds a Storn ~ who's
the driver? The propounder of this query is
only excusable because the quotation is hackneyed
A person asked an Irishman why he
wore his stockings wrong side outward.
"BecaEse," said he, there s hole on the other
slae-T ,tsa'isot9 oil 1e - s. rf ui - ~. y p,
The perpetratorof <the following is
still at large:-Why are oysters good for dys-
pepticss Because theydie jest (digest before they
are eaten.% anna EffP 1000 W9b
-" Ny opinion is, said a philosoph-
ical old lady of much experience and observation,
" that any man as dies upon washing day does it
out of pure SPITE = = = r ~
A Western editor, in speaking of a
concert singer, says her voice is delicious
pure as moon light and as tender as three spli-
ling shirt ,sis.s 'ais.a Il a. aohs ig.H ..
An illiterate character has originated
the following conundrum What is the difference
! between Ag, the Canaanite, and certain learned
professors The Canaanite was AZ as was the pro-
lessor Ag-as-is.pt S1 thF-+- q fesAt-
A gentleman met, a half-witted lad in
the road, and placing in his hand tslXpence ana q
penny, asked him which ofthe two he would chooee
The lad replied that 8 he wouldn't be greedy, and
that he'd fake the smallest" ...g t5! 94ta j +.
1t is related of two Scotch ministers
that the one asked the other if he were not sorely
tempted at times to 90 fishing on the Sunday
afternoons. "Oh, mon," replied his fellow
laborer, I'm never tempted lang, just gang
A young man was intrusted with
the money to bring his father home good family
sewing macbiae He carried o nelghbgrs
ing she was the best family sewing machine he
could procure. g. - -..-ts-.
oh, never in the world beneath, orin
the world above, did printer hear sweet sounds of
bliss-dear tones of heavenly loye-more thrilling
to his Utmost soul, as when. with kindly glance
patron says: 'Oh, bless your heart, IN pay you
In 0dUGlCe!"
A lady from China who was dining
with the Archbishop told !: i'm that English flow
two or three years. Indeed;'' was the imme-
diate remark, 81 had no idea that the Chinese
were such descenters."
The rapid promotion in the army
since the war is illustrated by the following:
sJohn, said an engraver to his clerk, take those
visiting cards for New Years day up Immediately
to Major Williams. Now hurry; he may be made
Brigadier General by Brevet before you there,
and then they'll be left on our hands, - - - .
A young rustic was exhibiting three
pounds of very choice spruce gum at a store in
Chotquay. New York, when Bostonian, pleased
with its clear Transparent appearances asked the
said he. syou can't have a Choir out of this my
gals goinito have every bit ont as ~ 2
A member of Congress once said
:" What the honorable gentleman has just asserted
/ consider catamOunt to o denial " pre-
sumo replied his opponent - that the honorable
gentleman means tantamount. l am not so lgnor-
ant Of our language not to be aware that
and tantamount are synonymous Il III II
AIopp in thp darly and siJanf MONT 5fA n T..
With the heavy thought of a vanished year,
When evil deeds come back to sight, -
And good deeds rise with a welcome cheer;
Alone with the specters of the past,
That come with the old years dying chime,
There gloOms one shadow dark and vast
The shadow of Wasted Time. -fs4 s,,5 ,t d ?
1t is an ancient cOnundrum, "Why
is Queen Elizabeth more remarkable than the Falls
of Niagara? Because they area 1eonder but she
was Tudor" But there is an Improvement on it:
A Norfolk farmer built himself a homestead, and
door in each wing. Being asked why he called his
house . Elizabethan," he replied: Because, you
see, it is Tudor (two-door) cottage"
We find the following very excellent
glow to radlate through the body-Buy one or
more tons of coal Take care that it is of a kind
that will burn. Pay for the carriage. Have it dis
to be thinly clad. in poor health, and generally
destitute. You will find your heart warm on the
instant and the heat will gradually extend to the
decidedly in the coolest weather.
The rector of parish church, near
Padstow, England, has been greatly annoyed by
people coming into church after the commence
ment of the services. 1t happened few Sundays
since that his own seryants-two sisters-camc in
late, when the gentleman thus addressed them
from the pulpit: . hereby give you, Elizabeth
s. and Kate S., a months notice to leave
my service in consequence of your coming late
into church" The young women blushed, and
the congregation Uttered. y O. q <n@ 81
About the drollest man alive is a
chap now in Chicago, well known in Northern
Vermont by the name Of Tin Wait" Say what
you might to Tim, he was always ready with
came into a hotel in Burlington looking rather
faded and down. In the mouth. Whats the
matter Tim said one of the party 1n look
said Tim, II have not slept a wink for these
three nights, last night, tonight, and tomorrow
night Having left the bar-room in a roar, Tim
retired to make up his loss by triple snooze.th
Have you heard of the Bowery boy,
who. being cutshort in hard life by sore disease,
which quickly brought him to deaths door, was in
formed by his physician that medicine could do
nothing for him What's my chances ::
s'oh, no.''H I'm thirty MOI In iiftyY'9
s.Ithink not.' IA hundred:'' .'Weu, perhaps
there may be one in a hundred. u say, then,
Doctor" pulling him close down, and whispering
with feeble earnestness in his ear; Jest go in like
all thunder on that one chance" The doctor went
in" and the patient recovered
In the office of Wisconsin journal
there is compostor who sets type so rapidly that
the friction of his movements fuses the eaden en-
blems in his stick making them solid, like stff2o
type plate. The only way TO prevent this IS nave
his case submerged in water, and the RAP .dity OF
his movements Keeps the water boiling nd bub-
ling so that eggs nave been frequently boiled in
the space box! Pipes lead from the bottom of his
case to boiler In the press room, and tn the steam
press. In one day he set much type that it took