Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1867-07-20
Miscellaneous Items.

- A scared individual, who was dodg-
ing an Infatuated bull behind tree, ex-
claimed, You ungrateful beast. you
wouldn't toss a vegetarian, who never ate
beef in his life, would you? Is that the
return you make9'
-"W hat dill you give for that horse,
neighbour" Ny note. "Well, that was
cheap"
Why is coquette like washerwom
AMI Because she rings mems bosoms.
The Boston Commercial Bulletin
writes about H. G.'s autograph as follows:
Don't sign it Horace. Don't you offer bail
Let Southern bondsmen take Jeff ont of Jail,
Reward PosterIty will read your name.
Joined with traitors ON a page of shame.
"Ohl never fear" says Horace, as his eye
Cleans like the moon upon twilight sky:
"That's goob advice but don't need to heed
it.
write so bad posterity can't read i'll"
A Gipsey woman promised to show
two young ladies their husbands face in
a pail of water. They looked and ex-
claimed: "why we see only our faces"
"Well, those faces will Ee your husbands
when you get married"
1t is beauty's privilege to kill time,
and times privilege to kill beauty.
Why is a man ascending Vesuvius
like an Irishman trying to kiss pretty
girll Because he wants to get at the era
ter's mouth.
1t was Of course the Irishman who
said: THE most eloquent feature in a
dogs face was its tail"
"A MAN told a beggar-boy he had bet
ter ask for manners than money. To
which the boy replied that he had asked
for what the man seemed to have the
most Of.
AN anti-hymenial punster says that
the recriminations of married people re-
sembIe the sounds ofthe waves on the sea-
shore-being the murmurs of the tied.
BASE BALL.-The following, which
we find in an exchange, illustrates apty
the mania for base ball playing which is
so prevalent.
"What is the matter with your fnger?"
"Struck with ball and drove up, but
it is q noble game" was the reply.
"Precisely-and your thumb is use
less, ia it not"
"Yes, struck with ball and broken"
"That finger joint?"
ga ball struck it. No better game to
improve mans physical condition
strengthens ones s;news."
"You walk lame; that foot, isn't iti"
mo. It's Northumberland, bat
flew out of players hand and hit my
sauce pan. He had the innings"
Zone of your front teeth is gone"
Knocked out by ball; an accident"
"Your right hand and your nose have
been peeled-how's that?"
"Slipped down at second base-only
a mere scratch"
"And you like this kind of fun?"
"Glory in it sir 1t is the healthiest
game in the world, sir"
''This tough steak makes me think Of
famous old English poet" "That's
queer. What spoet does it make you
think of?' "Chau cer."
"How came such a greasy mess in the
2, said fidgetv old spinster to her
maid of all work. "Why," replied the
girl, "the candles fell into the water, and
put them in the oven to dry"
The god of metaphysics is but an
idea, but the God ofreligion. the Creator
of Heaven and earth, the sovereign Judge
of action aud of thoughts, is power
y Let us be men with men and always
children before God: for in bis eyes we
are but children. Old age itselfiu presence
of eternity is but the first moment of
morning.
ONE exceedingly warm day in July
ueighhor met an old man, and remarS
ed that it was very hot. eyes" says Joe,
''if it wasn't for one thing. should say
we were going TO have a thaw." "What
is that?" inquired his friend. "There's
nothing froze," says Joe. The man went
on his way much enlightened.