The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-09-04

OF binding love upon his lips.
If there be any of our male acquaint-
ances who never have tasted the bliss, or
enjoyed the relish of little connubial
spat let them try on the following. We
have it on good authority that the plan
is certain tobring on a big ''sour ~.
Wait until your wife is at her toilet.
She will be sure to ask you If her bonnet
is straight = Remark that the lives .os
nine-tenths, Of the ladies are passed in
thinking whether their bonnets are
straight, and wind up the remark by
saying that you never knew bat one who
had any common sense about her. Wife
Riif>asls you who that was Yeu, with .
sigh, reply, eAti! you never mind ?
Wife will ask you why you did not mar
;ry her. then. You say, abstracsedIy,
"AL! shy, indeed? ?r The climax is
reached by this time, and a row is sure
to follow. H.. : -. -
A Georgian who went to the Legis-
-lature. tells this story : e: - :
Well, l went to Augusta and took
dinner alta tavern. Right beside me sat
member from enc of the back towns
that had never taken dinner before at a
tavernin his life. Before his plate was
dish of peppers, and he Kept looking
at them. Finally, as the walters were
very sloWin bringing on things, he up
with bis fork and :ip less than no time
soused one into his mouth, As he brought
his grinders down on it, the tears came
into his eyes. At last, splitting the
pepper into his hand, he laid it down by
the side ofhis plate, and, With. voice
that set the whole table in a roar, ex-
claimed. "Just lie there and ,cool." i.
|, Though the following has long been
going the reuadssit has abated none in
interest,@nos doesit grow shorter The
4"leng and short Of it" is:
"A tail Eastern girl, named Short, loved
"a certain big Mr.. Little while little,
little thinking Of Short, loved little lass
named Long. To make a. long stcry
short, Little proposed to Long, and Short
EAlonged to be even with Little's short
comiugs. So Short ,neeting Long, threat
eRed to marry Little before long, which
caused Little in a short time to Inarry
Long. 'Query-Did tall Short love big
Little less, because Little-loVed Long?
Theyoungest Of aHttle eatechism class,
being asked the question: -
< "Who tempted Ege?" .
The little fellow, after a. feT moments
thought, with an air of confidence, ex.
cl.;nad. -, = - 49,. - .--.. =, ..
-. ~5;..Ifsthe gentleman who lives in hell.
Eve forgotten his NAME = :, = /, y
= Some sensible chap turns of a good
thing thusly. He is a printer, We are
sure, of experience: ,
wish I was q printer, -
+ 2, ] really do indeed; 49,
It seems to noe that printers -. -.
Have everything they need, ::
p, = Except meneyI) -,
They get the largest and the. best
Of every thing that grows,
( And get free into circuses :. ~.5,.::-
And other kinds of shows -
= tBy giving an equfya aientD -.
A-lady ,tfampled on a dogs, tail the
other day, and the animal Bit her leg.
The. blood did not 'how, @however;. only
sawdast few. Heidi not go deep enough
for blood. This is the most useful pur.
pose We have ever heard of false caIt
serving - - -
|. Why are young ladies kissing each
other, like an emblem of Christianity :?
Because they are doing unto each other
as they would that men should do unto
them. =
Whyi is fascinating woman like sue
cessful gambler? Because she has such
winning ways.
The man who was hemmed IN by q
crowd has been troubled with stitch in
his side ever since.
81 have gone into the silk business" "
said man to his neighbor. $50 sup
pose, as saw you Keeling home last
night"