Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-01-12
BAGGAGE.

THAT seat is occupied" said bright
eyed girl to a man who was about to
take it. OCCUPIED p he growled !;
"where's his baggage?" With a saucy
! upward look at him, "I'm his baggage
She said. And this brings me to say
that if you are goirg long journey in
regions where it is first come first serv-
ed, the most desirable piece of baggage
you can take with you is not hat box
or blanket, but woman. If you have
none, then marry one, for you are not
thoroughly equipped for the road until
you do. When dinner is ready you
follow in her blessed wake, and are
snugly seated beside her, and are ex-
actl y opposite the platter of chickens,
before the hirsute crowd, womanless as
Adam was till he fell into long sleep,
are let in at all.
There you are, and there they are
You twain-one, with the two best
chairs in the house, served and smiled
on. Look down the table at the un-
happy fellows, some of them actually
bottoming the chairs they occupy, and
their arms and hands reaching in every
direction across the table, like the ten
tacule of a gigantic polypus. When
night come, and with it border tavern
it is not you that shift uneasily from
side to side on the bar room floor If
there is any best bed, she gets it, and
you share 1t. You follow her into the
best room she is first in the stage coach
and you are too. More than that, a
woman keeps you "upon your honor :"
you are pretty sure to behave yourself
all the way.
The conclusion is as strong as a lariat
that travelling bachelors have forgotten
some of their baggage, and that if wo,
man hears man sneer at the trouble
some sex and their inevitable, INSOFAR
able bandbox, and then in some weak
moment be says to her, "Will you ~
and she be wise, she will be cautious.
Men are not 1.-THE of the help to wo-
men on journey that the latter in their
modesty and their ignorance-we beg
pardon, which ?-are always conceding
Blessed be nothing! A lone woman
can make the transit of the American
continent, like Venus crossing the sun
without either danger or insult She
can emulate the Irish Norah, who, in
some fabulous time, decked with jewels
and beauty, made the tour of Ireland
alone, and not soul harmed her as she
went -
erich and rare were the gems she wore,
And bright gold ring on her hand she bore,
But ah her beauty was far beyond
Her sparkling gems and her snow white hand
On she went, and her maiden smile
In safety lighted her round the green Isle."
AFTER A FUNERAL.-A story is pre-
served among the legends of new Eng
land town, of pair of worthy old ladies
-sisters-in-law, we believe they were
who were quite inseparable; indeed,
it was standing joke in that town that
if Aunt Sarah should go to heaven, her
first inquiry would be, when safe inside
the gates, "Is sister Champlin here ?"
The old ladies had many tastes in COM
mon among them was one singular
one-a passionate desire to attend all
the funerals around One morning they
heard report that Mr.. Sharp, the min
lister, in neighboring town, was dead.
The hour for the funeral was not men
toned but judging that it would oc-
cur on the second day, Aunt Sarah and
sister Champlin, each arrayed in new
black silk apron, as being appropriate
for funeral wear, set forth at sunrise
determined at all events to be in time
Aunt Sarah being the proprietress of a
"one-horse shay, rickety concern, drawn
by lazy old mare-had called for sis
ter Champlin, and by dint of much per-
suasion of the obstinate beast, the pair
by nine o'clock reached the borders of
the town where the minister resided.
At this point they met Mr.. Sharp's hir-
ed man driving yoke of cattle, The
ladies drew up, and sister Champlin, as
spokeswoman, inquired what hour had
been appointed for Mr.. Sharp's funeral.
"Why, bless your soul, Miss Champlin,
the minister amt dead yet shouldn't
be surprised if he held out till Fall he's
got the wear in him, the old man has,"
Aunt Sarah drew up the reins with an
air of resignation, as if to go round
Suddenly she dropped them. "Sister
Champlin ! sister Champlin do ask the
creature if he don't know of funeral
we can go tew p
SMOKING AWAY A FARM-Think
of this, young man: our Government
land costs dollar and a quarter an acre
on an average, and champagne two dol
lars bottle. Many man dies land
less, who, during his life, has swallowed
fertile township. trees and all. So
young man who smokes cigars and to-
bacco to the amount of one dollar week
wastes farm of fifty acres each year,
which in short time would be worth
thousand by its mere rise in value.
A FORMAL, fashionable visitor thus
addressed a little girl: "How are you,
my dear?' "Very well, 1 thank you,"
she replied. The visitor then added !
"Now, my dear, you should ask me how
T a,n ,, Tho ob;ld s;unl1 ,nd bonos+ln |