The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1867-09-07
From the Cincinnati Times.
by THE "FAT CONTRIBUTOR


by THE "FAT CONTRIBUTOR
A prominent New York Sunday paper is pub
fishing descriptive sketches OF prominent bach
elors in the leading cities. 1t is wrong to con-
fine these interesting pen-pictures of masculine
sinrularity to the cities. Give the country
chance. Here are few sketches OF bachelors in
the country which are respectfully submitted to
discriminating and impartial public.
BACHELORS OF BUNGTowN.
Seth Stringer is a bachelor, divorced by an In
diana court. lie is thirty.eight years old in his
stocking feet, and so much addicted to stealing
horses that he is in Jail half the time. l copy
description OF him taken from hand-bill found,
which was headed "Horse Stolen Fifty Dollars
Reward"
''Scth has Sorrel eyes, cream colored hair. good
teeth Ihaving stolen set, black-and-tan NOUS
tache, a horse laugh, is little lame i'll the left
fore shoulder, and stands thirteen hands high.
He gets acquainted with strange horses very cas-
ilv and has an engaging way in leading them
off by the halter He talks horse talk tiuently
and continually, except when you ask him to
drink, when he is never known to say netgh."
Tony Blinkers is fat. Jolly old BACH OF Bung-
town, weighing about three hundred pounds,
beer measure. 4 fat take for somebody
Tony is rich, and several schemng widows have
around He is a great feeder When asked
what science he considered it most essential for
a woman to study. he replied, ''sciencc of cook
cry" He eats fourteen times Il day, and as to
his habits, they are necessarily loose as well as
large.
Tom Phooloric is young bachelor, who sports
dyed moustache and fancies the girls are all
dying about it. He loafs about the tavern,
while his old father is pounding at living for
him in his blacksmith shop. He speaks with
disdaip OF then country fellers" who work
about farms and who don't live in "the village"
and he is an airy bachelor toward the country
girls who come in to Bungtown ball. Tom
isn't much of catch for any sensible woman.
nor are any of the Phooloric family as a general
thing.
jeff Rogers IL ,ixty-ei-, hit and excessively I'M
married He was so from boy. His mother
thought that he would outgrow it, but he never
has She says: 81 don't know where on airth
he ever got ii. Not from me, I'm sure, for mis-
father was my fourth husband" He lives by
himself, his only companion being an old tom
Get that he is trying to rear in the way he should
go. He does his own washing and mending
otherwise he is good neighbor, kind member
of the School Board, an atfectionate politician, a
devoted euchre player, a fervent billiardist, a
painstaking quot pitcher, and never neglects his
grog.
BACHELORS OF MUD HOLLER
Bill Simpkns is the Oldest bachelor in Mud
Holler, being one hundred and eleven years of
age. His teeth are gone, and Bill is rapidly go
ing after them. He is well off-probably better
off than anywhere else He has had several of
fers of marriage, but declined them all He
says he don't believe in early marriages. Be.
sides, he don't want to leave his mother.
Pete higgins is aspruce bachelor of thirty or
thirty-five, or forty-fve, or thereabouts. He is
always scrupulously dressed in his shirt sleeves,
spectacles and wooden leg. He chaws tobacco,
but promises to leave off if any girl will have
him.
jim Plunkins keeps the tavern at the Holler
He is a bachelor in the second degree, his wife
being dead. He drives quart of whiskey, and
drinks about a pair of gray mares every day
he is gray except the top of his head, and that
is red and shiny. He likes to take the women
around--he took his old mother around to the
poor-house the other day.
Ike Cam was born a bachelor-his father be-
ing ~ bachelor before him. So Ike wasn't to
blame for it., He drives the fastest horse in
town, in a butchers cart; has had the humps
twice, and reads good running hand az far az
fractions. He has made several attempts Ia
marry. but, as he says, though Ike Cam do
some things, Ike can't do that" .
BACHELORS OF BOOT HEEL RUN.
Silas Loan, better known as "Old Sile," is q
bachelor OF sevcnty-four summers. He is blind
in one eye, and at the time saw him the other
eye had gone to the wash. ] asked him how
rauch he was worth. He replied. mot much !
reckon, at my age" He is a little shy of the la.
dies, as he had an innocent and confiding brother
of ninety-twO winters (and very little spring.
inveigled by promise of marriage, resulting in
his filling an early grave. ile h7t.
Johnny Phillip, called for short, Johnny Phil.
lup the Bold, is about as good bachelor as the
Run ever produced. He takes nearly every pre-.
MUM at the Boot Heel Run Cattle Show THAT
he can lay his hands ON, and isn't particular
about removing the cattle from them, either
The women, and several other constablcs, are all
after him.
Michael Magginnis, an Italian refugee from
France, is bachelor with two wives in Greece
RE rs highly accomplished being able to use the
pick and shovel in three or four different Ian.
guagss lie can handle the violin beautifully
! I'm rough and tunble) and his lingering il ex-
quiste on a whecbarrow will give an Illus.
tration of his skill in mathematics: Being call.
cd upon to make his income return, "Bedad,
said Mike, "a Greek eiacuation I'm come il it .
Faith there's 80 little comjn' in I'd be ashamed
70 return it to onny mon" This shows the keen
Spanish wit of Michael. Now, one for Maggin.
MIS- What!
! SColLorED ToMAToEs.-Take the large toma.
toes, perfectly ripe. Scald them to loosen the
skins, and then peel them Cover the bottom of
a deep dish thickly with bread crumbs, adding a
few bits of fresh butter. Then put in IL layer of
tomatoes seasoned SLIGHTLY with lttle s,jt +, nd