The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-09-25
LICENSED TO KILL.

Vether agreed, If 1 remember right, Socrates
desipnates as the "obsterlc arp That depart
ment of human knowledge which, to persons
circumstanced as ] am, is most valuable. He
laws down that every child, on his entrance
70 this world knows everything, and VIII
answer correctly the most difficult questions,
provided his examiner only knows how to put
bis.duestions correctly. Shelley ind, was
believer in this creed, and frightened nurse
into fits by seizng her small charge one day.
and demanding TO ascertain from it something
about the essence OF angels. 10 me Ihe
doctrine IS most comfortable ana cneeTlIs'
have the sweet CONSEQUENCES tnaJ KNOW
everything in my inner seli, ane ~, S.%S ~ was
of NV examiners that the world was not alive to
the extent of my erudition. The incapacity of
nv ouestioners in the ObstetriC art has been
The bane of my life. How much the happiness
of man depends on the intelligence of others!
At school was deemed Ounce and dolt, and
was kept in" OF hogged accordingly, solely
because my masters did not interrogate me
properly. An ntant-l am told that is q correct
rendering Of the word pusio-actually explained
to Socrates the doctrine of the squaring of the
circle, but then Plato knew how to question
scientifically. Unfortunately, my questioners
martyr.
My friends-it is right to call them so-de.
signed me for the medical profession, and, to
say the truth, was not averse to become an
M. ID. knew few fast young students, and
&, 1
to walk the hospitals, and assist the great sur
geon by holding his instruments and 6andages
The art OF administering bOluses and appl wing
cataplasms seemed easy. Then there was SO wide
held Tor gathering experience in pauper Wardsl
beheVed could shake my head, look solemn
and be mysteriousy silent, with the highest
practitioners. 1t was something to fIighten my
female conslas-dear innocent girls-with ap.
pallng accounts of magnificent operatiousn
They listened to me with curious interest and
no small fear. l think Mary's regard for me
uyiF foo Il 4 hot .I,a NJ
she was) she thought of marrying me. A Young
surgeon who accomplished such extraordinary
teats would, she believed, be a good provider,
and would be able to cure her. no matter what
happened to her. Unfortunately before could
obtain License to Kill, it was necessary to
pass examinations. Here, again, arose the
perceive did not depend upon myself; il de.
pended altogether on the way in which ques-
uons might be put to me-that is, in the oDste-
tr1c skill OF my questiOners.
Through my boyhood and youth had expert
enced the supreme ignorance of my interroga-
tors. never could answer them, and an omi-
nous quaking of the heart, as the day of trial
approached, warned me not to hope that the
Socratic science had been vigorously cultivated
now. had walked the hospitals attended the
prescribed number OF lectures, copied out notes
made by men who had been fortunate i'll OBJ.
tanning somewhat enlightened examiners, had
invested in a skeleton, made up TWENTY-FIVE
pages OF the pharmaceutical Latin Grammar,
and tried to master those extraordinary hiero-
glyphics by which physicians will persist in
marking the quantities of Ingredients in a
araught May l. a hater OF questions, venture
10 ask question plainly? Why is it that pre-
scriptions must be written in dog-Latin miserably
a0breVlated? What magic is there in writing
Rll, pul, cyath, haust, instead of the honest
English words which these fragments indicate?
1 know that these abbrevIations puzzled me
wofully, and that l nearly killed a wretched
Old woman--luckily, she was only pauper-
by mlstaking the meaning of one of these
cabalistic symbols. The whole world is behind
the age. In village shops 1 still see monosyl-
lablc signs in gold letters, labelling poisons,
where the administering Esculapius is the
druggists younger son. l compassionate the
insides of the village rustics, and think that the
laud. tinct. and op. extr. might just as we'll be
labelled "quetness.n But am i'll advance of
my generaton-like Socrates.
The day of my examination came, and never
in all my life did meet with quesioners so
densely Ignorant. They were not able to eX-
tract single answer out of my inner conscious
ness. ventured upon an eXpedent which had
proved successful IN a case somewhat similar to
my own. A dignifed examiner blandly asked
me what would prescribe for case of aneurosis
cerebr: politely replied, 81 would implicitly
adopt the formula given IN his recent valuable
paper on the subject" smile mantled on his
tranquil features, and l believed / was safe
Unfortunately, fools rush in where angels fear
10 tread, and one malicious fool-he was the
youngest and the most ignorant of all nv
eXamlners-asked me to repeat the formula.
Now, never could get off Latin by heart. |
never could see the use Of it. To make secret
OF medicine by hiding it under an outlandish
\ Tongue Is un-Engl1sh and unpRtTiOtic. Despair
however, impelled me to violate my principles
anu J vnGeSSgg9?red to supply an answer. / DO
NO. precisely remember wnaU prescription [
gave; but | know there was a general st rt
among nay examiners, and one of them rather
stifhy, said Young gentleman, that dose
would Kill mammoth on the spot" l was
plucked.
My meeting with Mary was rather trying.
fn Sne nao rightly expected great things OF me,
90 o.! PUG ''u No' Ano% Low great was the
,..upIulty OF men in high positions. The student
who had operated most successfully IN eXcising
aEeurism OF the aorta, and restoring by artid-
Cial VerteOr@ the backbone of a railway victim,
began to question me- Did love her, as tondly
now as then? Did wish our engagement to
continue? Would / be content to wait? ETC.
etc. These were intelligent questions nicely
put, and of course, answered them most salts
factorily. But when she inquired, What l in
tended to do now? WHAT medical school would
l study inl When l should 'go inn again?
When she did this, and put other interrogatories
OF similar kind, / amented her deficient
acquaintance with the SOCratic theory, and was
silent,
In my despair hired "a coach.n This gen.
ueman put Linto my hands very little book in
dreadful dog-Latin, containing answers to all
imaginable questions. He directed me to learn
Dy rote, every day, two or, if possible, three
Pages' ana then Tor one hour daily he tortured
me me Dy putting the same question in every posi-
ole variety OF form. He said that the one reply
uiShS NJ serve Tor twenty queries and he trusted
he 81 boS Puevlhg the questions in every imagina-
DIe snape, ne would anticipate nv Examiners
He worked hard with me and TaSS tod tIo
hundred replies to three thousand i1noainarT t+,
questions. was well Coached en6 nnI-ffS J oJ