The Van Buren press., 1867-08-23


man was pastor of a church where they had
just purchased an organ. Not far from
the church was large town pasture, where
cattle grazed, and among them great
bull. One hot Sabbath, Mr. Bull came mp
near the church grazing, and Just as the
Rev. Mr.. - was IN the midst of his
sermon" boo w0o-woo' went the bull.
The parson paused, looked up at the
singing seats, aud, with grave face said
g would thank the musicians not to
tune their instruments during service; it
annoys me very much
The people started, and the minister went
81 Boo-woo woo, went the bull again, as
he drew little nearer the church
Theparson paused again and addressed
the choir:
Il really wish the singers would not
tune their instruments while am preach
ing"
The congregation Uttered, for they knew
what the real cause Of the disturbance was.
The old parson went on again, and he
had Jnst about started good, when Boo
woo-woo' came from Mr.. Bull
The minister paused once more and cx-
claimed
81 have requested the musicians in the
gallery not to tune their instruments dur
ing the sermon now particularly re-
quest Mr. l., that he will not tune
his double bass organ while | am preach
ing"
This was too much l. got up,
too much agitated at the idea of speaking
out in church, ana stammered out:
"It is-isn't me, Parson, --------, tit
is that d--d town bull"
- Quinn told lady that she looked
blooming as spring but recolectng that
the season was not then very promising
he added "Would to heaven the spring
would look like you
- The reason women never stammar
is because they talk so fast stammcr has
got no chance to get in. People stuttcr be-
cause they hesitate But who ever knew a
woman to hesitate about anything?
- The women ought 10 mako a pIvllg 70
not to kiss a man who used tobacco and it
would soon break up the practice and
friend OF ours says they ought also to
pledge themselves to kiss every man that
don't use it-and we go for that too
~ lady engaged in domestic affairs,
when the street-door bell rang, babe her
Catholic sorvantgirl say she was not at
home. eyes, marm," she answered
"and, when confess to the priest, shall
confess it as your sin or NINE
At a soirce, the other evening, gen.
tleman pointed out q dandifed individual
to his friend as sculptor.
"What" said his friend, "such look
irg chap as that a sculptor? Surely, you
must be mistaken =
81 He may not be the kind Of one you
mean," said the Informant but | know
that he chiseled 4 tailor out of suit Of
clothes last week."
- Don't live in hope with your arms
folded. Fortune smiles on those who roll
up their sleeves and put their shoulders to
the wheel that propels them on to wealth
and happiness. Cut this out and carry it
in your vest pocket, ye who idle in bar.
rooms and on the streets.
--Goi bless the wives, they fiji our
hives, with little bees and honey. They
ease lise's shocks, they mend oar socks,
but don't they spend the money.
-" Where are all the Kings y was
the question at a recent whist party. All
in Paris" replied Quilp, mournfully, ganc.
ing at his cards. ~. ..... ..
-" We have to pay for everything"
as the man said when ,nusquito, after q
serenaae, sent bis bill into him.
Don't tell q young lady now a-doys
her hair is beautiful, II yop do she'll tell
you It's false,