Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1867-01-22
EIEpuANT o. -f3asf,ylI,. 80 -


ELEPuArIr Oh BASTCDc1I.
Some time ago there was found, nigh unto
Cohoes in Kew York State, lot of bones of
remarkable size and conformation and ever
since their discovery, the people of that radi-
cal region of country have, been pulling their
forclocks and lingering their scalps in the
hope Of pulling out, or scratching out, the
peculiar gcnus to which these wonderfully big
bones belonged. The unsc;entif, people got
TO loggerheads on the momcntous question,
elephant or mestodon? All the various kinds
OF puGilistic bruises, punched bread baskets
and broken ribs, were the necessary sequences
OF this patriotic difference Of opinion amongst
the gallant Cohocsians. But tho physical
modo Of settling the vezed question could
not last forever, aud was entirely unsuccess-
ful-although every body, CT the masculine
gender, had either been Whipped himself,
or had his immediate patcrnal ancestor badly
smashed about the facial organs; ana so, by
common consent, tho bones were transferred
from tho Tom Flyers TO the cccebrating gen.
tIemen. This was all right Blood will
tell in most things, it is true; but all tho
blood from all the Cohoesians' noses would
not tell whether the exhumed bones were
eiephantine or Inastodouish: and SO the sci
cnco Of the ring had to acknowledge the
bones too much for them, and therefore they,
the bones, we're handed over to the laborato-
rial gentlemen. When once III the hands Of
the biggest kind Of hugs, bu2zing about tho
chemicals, the bones we're subjected to al
mau1cr Of tests. They were looked at
with the naked eye in tho light and in the
dark, and put under all sorts Of glasses save
1nagnify;ng ones, and the latter were only
excepted because the bones were SO big that
no known production Of glass makers could
or would magnify them.
TIE remnants u cur deceased huge mus
clc-bIood al! bones cular subject seem to
have met with no better fate in the laboratory
than in Tie bottle holders ring. After paz-
cling wha. brains they have, anu burning out
al manner Of crucitlcs, tie chemical gentle
men have " thrown up the sponge" save two
OF the most learned Of the entire batch Of
Northern professors. These two are now
found sitting right against eac;i other, and
doing the disputatious with all their
might and main. Professor Mcguire sits on
the elephant trunk, and Professor Hall IS
mounted on the mastodon. Mcguire says
they are the bones Ct 4 ma!7:G0th show c!o-
phant which died and was buried at Cohocs
forty years ago. Hall says they are tie
bones Of a mastodon which have been lying ia
the ground for twenty-five thousand years.
Nov this is pretty wide difference Of opin-
ion-:s wide AS that between Andrew John
son and Ihaddcus Stephens, and threatens
great trouble 20 those Of US who have our To-
cal kaJitation South Of the Potomac. Una
bic to settle the matter amongst themselves,
these Northern extremists, over anxious for
union, propose to fitch these big bones
Southwark for adjustment.
Now, ii Is true that we poor devils down
here are, by the force of military necessity,
made pretty good judges of what is au cle>
plant. We have seen, many years ago, all
the learned and uulearnc5, all tie white and
all the D!ack, aid all the big and al! The baby
elephants which DaynUm used to walk round
~ (GAe OUi Ai-'"l '-ADiS iA'NSAlJ; w
have had the Philadelphia SHOW Elephant.
Patterson, who, did not leave rs Tor some
days, much to the delight Of our boys at Ma
nassas and the mighty liberal Ma@sachusetts
elephant, Banks. who gave his trunk to our
St0Ecwals; and the Western bloody bugger
Of an elephant, Milroy, who handed his ivory
over to old Ewcll, and the little bull { plant,
Sheridan, who did NOT leave Us anything in
the world. But Notwithstanding all this
porec'l y-imPrcssiyc teaching VIC protest against
lie North giving Us anything more in that
line; ana + re lave to decide the question
let us come to ', lshington and look At it
there 4 single glance Will enable us to cay
whether the bones were those Of any Of the
known varieties of the elephant, and, if obey
are not those of an elephant, We all know,
from the very fact Of these Northern profess
sors intending them for Southern inspection,
that they must lie those Of Mastodon. or
some other monster that lived twenty five
thousand years before tie days Of civilization
and Sheridan.
ANGELIC Ec!TEDPRISE.
The ladics CT Baltimore have, By their last
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