The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1867-06-13

time for the. aext OF KIN to give hun
fstrychnlne. -
Ladies, let your hair, teeth and com
splexion be false, if Necessary, but let no
your hoods be false; falsehoods are mex
cusable $500 k.kra
DIR. johnson, being once askedwheihe
he was III the habit Of saying nee-ther O.
nither, very laconicalW replied, 'nathur.
A waggish editor says that the street:
of one of the Western cities are to be
lighted with red headed girls. Wee
like to hug the lamp posts. ss.e ssT
Fanny Fern gives sermon on insanity
In the following sentence: The crazi
estpeop1e in the world. are they who art
never suspected Of being so.
a chap advertises in Boston for board
to be paid for in 'frst-class dentistry. =
He wants to insert his own teeth and
pull out the teeth of somebody else. IS
One of our most reliable exchanges
says that young man named Simon Rog-
ers recently blew out his brains after bid
ding his wife good bye utth SHOT gun.
s;You would be pretty, indeed" said
a gentleman patronizingly to young lady
it your eyes were only little larger =
My eyes may be very small, sir, but
such people as you don't I'LL them
A youhg lady being engaged to be mar
ried, and getting sick of the bargain, APP
piled TO a friend to help her to unite the
knot before it was too late 80, certain
w. he replied, it very easy to unite
it now while it S a beau.
When Canning was challenged to find
rhyme for Julianna, he Immediately
wrote:
Walking in the shady grove
With thy Julaqna,
For lozenges gave. lay love .s--.rsf -
- ZAP -cac-u-aA-na. e. = >
Does the Court understand you to say,
Dir. Jones. that you saw the editor OF the
argus 81 Freedom intoxicated \ OF ut
ALL SIT, | merely said that had seen
him frequently so Rurried III lis mind
that he would undertake to cut cut copy
with the shutters, that's all. 80
4 young man in Troy, New York.
named Nose johnson, deeply ena,ored
of a damsel named Anna Bread, recently
got off the following:
.'Whiie bellies their lovely graces spread,
And fops around them fiutter,
I'll be content with Anna Bread, ~ sg-
And won't have any but her." 50 50
A Tennessee Dutchman, having caught
his son in wrong doing, determined TO ad
minIster,a dose of hickory. 30 he trinl-s
med a switch and went to look for the
youngster, who incontInently took to his
heels. After chasing the boy around for
a while, the old man thought to persuade
him to stop and take the licking. So he
halted and hailed the wary fugitive =
'sShon, said he, ''sShon, stop IA not
SO mad as vat | yashi' 81
How dismal you look /" said bucket
to his companion, as they were going to
the we'll
All 7 replied the other, T was reflect
ing on the uselessness of our being filed
for, let us go away ever so full, We always
come back empty.
Dear me how strange to look at Il In
that way. said the first bucket, NOW |
enjoy the thought that, however empty
we come, we always go away full Only
look at it III that Ii ght, and you'll be as
cheerful as | am.
John tells a story Of Thompson and
Rogers, two married bucks of New York,
who, wandering home late one night, stop
ped at a house which Thompson supposed
ion insisted was his own. Thompson
rang the bell Justify, when a window
was opened, and lady inquired what was
wanting. 1855
Madam 7 inquired Mr. T.. isn't this
Mr.. Thompson house 2
No, replied the lady, this is the resi-
dence Of Mr. Rogers.
Well, exclaimed Thompson. Mrs. T.
Thompson-beg your pardon-Alrs. Ro-
gers, won't you just step down to the
door and pick out Rogers, for Thompson
wants to 80 home.
4 quack lad instituted suit for me-
deal services against some OF his neigh
bors, and the suit being brought for til
use Of another, became himself the wit
ness A Mr.. Williamson, who was en-
ployed to defend the suit and expose the
qnackery and worthessness OF the servi-
ces rendered, subjected the doctor to the
following cross examination:
Did You treat the patient according to
the most approved rules of, surgery?
asked the counsel.
By all means, certainly [ did, replied
the witness.
Did you decaptitate him inquired the
counsel.
Undoubtedly / did-tllat was a matter
of course, answered the doctor. !
Did you perform the Cesarean ope-
ration apon INN?
Why, of course, answered the witness
his condition required ii; and it was at
tended with very great success.
Did you then, still further oueried
the counsel subject his person to autop-
sy?'
Certainly replied the witness, that was
the very last remedy adopted, =
Well then, doctor, sad the counsel,
as You first cut off the defendants head,
then dissected him, and he still survives
1t, [ have no more to ask and il your
claim survives 1t, quackery deserves to
be imnortaL
Misfortune aud misconduct were born
twins. Our faults are oft the parents of
cur woes; and he who most declaiMs at
the world frown has generally done lbs
best to earn 1t.
Take heed not to be overloaded in the
soft llxuries OF worldly Equipments, Ter
he who drinks too deeply OF pleasure
will find sediment at che bottom, which
poiiates and embItters VIA. he relished
at first.
A lady applied at the Portland Me-,
Police Office the other day, lii search OF a
lost cat. for which She offered 81 900 re-
ward She brought the animal from
England The cat had on when lost
gold necklace worth about $40, which
may account ior its disappearance. So
An Irish hostler E-as sent to the stable
to bring out a Travellers horse, but not
knowing which Of the two strange horses
IN the Stable belonged to the Traveller ana