The Wyandot pioneer. (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1853-1868, 1867-01-17
The Natural History of Brides.

We have been favored with the nat
ural histories of man, of birds and
beasts Of the world, but no one has yet
essayed the history of that indispen-
sable creature, the bride. Wepropose
in this article to attempt to show the
vacuum caused by the short comings
of authors may be supplied by some
enterprising Bohemian. a.er
A bride is the elimination ola moth
er's anxiety and the commencement of
husbands serious reflections. A
mother looks upon her, daughter, ar
rayed as bride, as an arrow shot from
her household quiver at that but Of fe
male archery, man; and if the arrow
has made fair hit, is prone to chuck
lie over the shot as showing forth her
superior matronly skill. If, on the con
trary, the success is doubtful, then the
mother, like bad archer, blames the
arrow, the luck, anything, indeed, but
her own bad management: 41--
Brides are divided into numerous
classes. For example: sentimental
brides, who marry for love; speculative
brides, who marry for the sake ofbeing
! married; accommodating brides, who
marry because their lovers asked them
to marry, unresisting brides, who mar
ry for curiosity, and invalid brides, who
marry TO restore their health.
| Sentimental brides are the most nH-
merous, but not the most happy of the
orange wreathed tribe They are gen
orally young creatures, who revel in
poetical dreams connected with the
wearer Of moustache, or the posses
| sor of q handsome nose. Or expressive
eyes, or an animated doll, who can
make pretty little speeches, graceful
bows, or sing pretty little song. She
takes great pride unto herself because
she married Charlie for his own dear
self, and not for his surroundings-un-
aware that mans position in society,
his friends, or even his wealth or pow
erty, is as much part of himself total
as the curl ofhis hair, the song he sings
the strut he affects, or even his educa-
ton. She generally finds, when the
song is less brilliantly sung, the NOUS
tache requires Christadora, the head a
wig, and the poetical speeches are turn
ed into matter Of fact imperatives, that
the variiish is rubbed off, the glass re-
moved, and Charles is not the man he
used to be.
The money bride has made herself
an article of merchandise, and is to be
valued according to the price she OBJ
tains for herself. She belongs to eve
ry condition of ofsociety, from her who
marries for social position, horses and
carriages, diamonds, and bank account.
to the work eirl who marries one
room home, and the privilege of only
half starving on her husbands petty
weekly pittance. She generally reach
es the conclusion that she has sold her
self too cheap.
The purchasing bride is generally an
old maid or widow, who despairing ofbe
ing courted for her own sake, seeks a
husband through the medium other pc
cuniary charms She generally let ev-
cry one know, after marriage, that she
keeps the purse string in her own hand,
and the young man-for this class gen
orally succeed in obtaining young men
whom she has succeeded in entrap
ping is highly and everlastingly indebt-
ed to her The experience of such is
usually the conclusion that they paid
to dearly for their whistle.
I The husband desiring bride is. per
haps the most composed of all brides,
and least enthusiastic, and the most
likely to be happy. She marries be-
cause it is instinct with her, not because
she is particularly in love. She is not
apt to be troubled with the pangs of
jealousy, or to suffer from disappoint-
ment when she discovers that the bride
groom is not much better than the av-
erage of men after all. She goes through
the days of cou1tship as matter of
course; wonders at the whims and ca
prices fsentimental girls receives and
accepts the offer of marriage as mat
ter Of course; dons the bridal attire and
goes through the whole formula of fwed-
ding ceremonies or unceremonies, as a
matter of course performs all the du-
ties, and submits to all the little yeXa-
tons of married life, as a matter of
course lives serene, orderly and quiet
life, and dies respected and regretted
by all who knew her as a matter of
course.-Er.