Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-07-19
DURBORROW & LUTz Editors and PrOprletOrs.

| sion, and he'd got the majority OY the SOutn-
ern people to agree with him that there was
no yoose Nv further resistance, and they
wuz jist about to so declare, when Nallan-
digham, Ben. Wood, Toucey, Morrissey,
Voorhees,, and a score or two more Nv that
kind, rushed in and begged Nv EN- to ho'1
out 'Why submit" sed Vallandigham,
''We'lI sustain yoo The Northern Dino
crisy is a giant which kin yet perfect you.
He's in in his prime and strong enuff yit
to carry 700 throo twice the troubles Wich
threatens 700. Depend onto us-well car
ry 700.
And the Southerners whopped over to
their side and yelled fercely, "No submiS-
sion" and immejitly the entire billin Nv
en- startsd North wi these men to ascer-
tain the strength and caryin capacity Nv
the Northern Dimocrisy Mcthawt the
party travelled and travelled, until finally
they come to vast plain In Kentucky, on
to wich wuz extendid prostrate the form Nv
Giant. 1t wus Giant immense in statoo,
but emaeiated to the last degree. His limbs
he'd bin strong, his teeth terrible,
and his trunk massive, but it
wuz plane to see that, he wuz, pegged out
and a look at its face showed why it wuZ so.
| Dissipation he'd redoOst him to heIplessnis
| His face wuz bloatid and bloc, his eyes wuz
| sot and ghastly, his chest Wuz holler and
sunken, his legs like pipe stems, and ulcers,
| boils, sores, brooses and contooshens kivered
| him from head to foot, and he drawed his
breath with a effort.
| lie lay grGanin and a Groanin. Randall
wuz tenderly feedin him out Nv huge
bottle labeled Appointments, wichappear-
| ed to give it temporary strength, but the
effect Nv that wuz lost, by President John
! sons dosin him with an offensiy smellin
mixture labelled Policy" every swaller Nv
wich wood throw him iDlo spasm. Gov.
| English was rubin one arm with liniment
Randall gave him, and he succeeded in git
tin uD little circulation in it.
what is this?' askt the Southerners.
Northern Dimocrisyl" sed English rub
| bin away vigorously.
rs this the Giant wich is to carry us?''
said the Southern gentlemen viewin the dis
gustin obiick doubtfully.
'Certainlyl' said johnson. ''Now can
you git up?" said he, to the PROSTATE bein,
given it a very large swaller out Nv his bottle.
| The giant made an effort, but Topped down
agin like dish-rag.
Gentlemen" !" sed Nallandigham, I'VE
| shell hev to call upon 700 to assist in settin
him onto his feet, and then it'll be all rite
with him. He's bin this way afore.
Accordingly, the Southerners gathered
| around him to lift him up. His arms, | no
tist, wuz marked respectively Connecticut
and Delaware, and his legs Maryland and
Kentucky, and in them ther wuz strength,
| for ez soon ez the innocent Southerners got
near enuff he wrapped them limbs around
EN-, and sed-
Lift"
:'We can't, sed they,
'Yoo must, - sed he Il got into this
condishen fghtin yOor battles and doing
yoOr work. was strong and vigorous un-
til | got to runnin after yoor harlots, and for
yoor sake l wuz druY out of my native state
into this accussid region. Yoo must carry
me wat tino I lIUV yuJ 20 i've Hist me
Hist mel"
Those caught coodent get away and the
others generously com to ther aid, and max
in a terrible effort they raised the half dead
bein onto their shoulders, holdin thcr noses
meanwhile, and prepared to start. Ez the
percession was about to move, Nallandigham
remarked, Stop mint, gentlemen!' and
loaded as he was with his war record he
clambered up their shoulders and took a scat
on the Carkiss- Voorhes, jist as badly en-
numbered did likewise, ann so did the
Woods, both Nv EN-, and poor old Jimmy
Bookannan, Seymour Toucy and hundred
or so more, the unfOrtinit bearers sweatin
under this addishnal load.
''Is all ready?'' said they.
Zone moment !" sed johnson, and him
and Randall and Seward cimJci up.
This wuz the last feather The bearers
mite hev staggered off under the carkiss and
them wich climbed into it first, but this last
addishen to ther burden wuz friteful. 1t
finished EN-. Groaning under the weight
they swayed liked a leaf in the wind, like a
majestic tree just about to fall. They strug
gled mint to maintain themselYes-but all
in vain. A breef struggle-a desprit grasp
they give up, and their knees doubhn up
the whole come to the earth with a squash
in sound which letters can t express, and the
half decomposed mass sorter fell apart.
Raymond and Thurlow Weed wich had been
hangin round, got out from under iist in
time to save Themselves.
The Southerners got out from under the
putrid mass, the almost smothered by the
stencil. Nalandigham and that class made
little Nv it, ez they he'd been arount it. 1t
staggered johnson some, but he had bin ac
customed to suthin approximatin very
closely to it in the olden times and it didn'
seriously affect him, but poor Randall
Seward and Wells were smothered and died.
| wuz trying to pull Randall corpse out
wen the effort [ was making aToke me.
means suthin. When | think of it, it is
rather preposterus for US to hope the North
ern Dimocracy will carry US, when they
can't carry single State Nv their own; jist
about ez preposterus ez is it for them to look
to US for help, when all Nv US ez would jine
EN- hevn't got a vote. Poliock's remark
in pullin match a corpse aint Nv much
akkount, even eff it is big one weighs
onto my mind Suthin can't come out of
nuthin tho ez in the case of Seward, moth
in may come out Nv suthin. Eff we Good
git-but pshaw we cant. Thank the
Lord, we kin hold the Postofises two years
yit
PETROLEUM V. NASBY, p. NJ.
witch is Postmaster) and Professor in the
Ham and Japhet Free Academy for the
development Nv the intellek Nv all races
irrespective Nv color.