Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-01-08

down the hill as II thunder DOlt was aIter nlnl
We went it four miles without gaining or losing
half length, when the darn d scrimption sud
denly pulled up and let rip his six-shooter at
me. But, fellers, I'm bullet-proof and. in
course come off with nary scratch What
does do but gallops up to him and commands
him to surrender? Go to HI, you id reb-
ell 2 says he and in the shaking of a foxs tail,
| found myself surrounded by dozen cavalry
| men with loaded carbines. [ tell you, fellers, |
was in bad fx-but didn't t care the vally Of
a pine knot for their fierce looks so, putin a
heavy spur agn the ribs o my mare | unsad-
died the first varmint and blew out the brains
of the second with my pistol They didn't
know what to make of it, so left clear road for
| like gale through pine forest, managed to
| dodge the party-walk John round the hill un-
| til pulled up in the rear of our lines. -
| Ben finished this account of his escape with
loud whoop and kangaroo leap from the
ground, that would have done honor to the
| most agile mountebank that ever figured under
canvass.
But Ben fell from his high sphere Of useful
| ness, and got entangled in the meshes of the
willy little god Of love. Who will blame him
Mark Anthony spurned an imperishable crown
Of glory to win the smiles Of Cleopatra, bartered
his honor for a transient bliss and died on a
| couch of ignominy. 1t is true the political sa-
gacity of our friend won him many strong friends;
ne was patriot to the very marrow. and the
| steamboats,, swapping turtles,'' &C., looked
| upon him as being destined to establish the per-
manent and inviolable rights of the Southern
States. The best on the floor Of Congress, in
their Judgment, could not hold candle to their
| Demosthenes But he succumbed to the do
minion of pair of pretty gooseberry eyes, the
fire Of patriotism burnt out and left the cinders
of A lor all ho
| to the supporters of the supremacy Of States
rights, | conceive it my bounden duty to inform
them of it, so that they may drive him from his
Calypso as the sage mentor did the youthful
Talemachus, and inoculate him with more
| glorious spirit.
| Ben's popularity was not confined to his fel-
| ow-men-it extended to the fair. His bone
| and muscle were the admiration of the country
| girls, not that he was an Adonis, no-they a
| dored the Hercules, blended with little of the
| Mercury and no small portion of the Mars,
three excellent elements to please the eye OF
| Venus.
| Patsy" said he one day to his favorite as
he entered Squire Dodd's with a rifle in his
hand and his two dogs, Tally and Snap, close
at his heels, yer see I've coined to yer 'cordin'
to promise It's all over, may be ID if I
| aint elected ANONYMOUSLY second Leftenant Of
our company Let her rip the ohild's chris
tend, and his names Anthony IF Abe Lin
coin and his Cabinet don't have to winch now,
| there's no snakes in Burk' S county, I'll swinge
| the fingers O Horace Greeley and make him
swear Georgians is pluck to the spine Give
| us shake O yer corn-stealer, gal-you look as
! be quiet, Snap! Them dogs is monstrous
'cute-they know they're on the track Of a
| DEAR"
II reckon, Ben, said the timid Patsy, ''that
now becase you re an officer in the army, you Il
| leave off a-comin' here, and in futer hitch yer
critter to the rack afore Polly Potts door, she
havin larned an edification at boardin' skule "
''Now, Patsy" answered the half offended
lover, you're going to go your old rigs on me-
Politics has eluvated me, and I'll stick by it.
But continued he, slapping bis hands and
looking marvelously loving, for you, Patsy,
I'll do almost anything-but, I love politics
There now, you unheedful man aint you
ashamed to speak it right out afore my face |
reckon Polly Ticks is no better than other folks,
though you do make so much on her,
'Whoop, Patsy!' replied he, laughing,
you're moughtily out O your reckoning there
[ mean politics, sort O thing for which all
men fights. Jeff Davis and Abe Lincoln is poll
tics now, the last mentioned having made re-
Engagements on the rights Of the first by setting
the niggers free and otherwise treading on his
toes. 'Spose one man should take a goard of
on vine and say, I'll be swinged if that aint
squash, and then spose another feller should
say-'You le-its a goard II and then they
fought about it. That's what the people calls
politics now. Mayhap, you don't read the
newspapers, Patsy? Jack Spear says in his
Spectator that newspapers is the vinicle Of pub
kon he means cider-press) should be held
HI1t of IN
| federate officer and in the line of promotion, |
| 'spose you won't iiummud about the bill I'm
going to introduce. I'm not much of an oracle
| in love matters, howsomdever, there monu-
ment in my breast which tells me that if don
nab you Immediately, [ may whistle for you
couldn't do my duty on the battlefield, nol
make my incubation speech when git to the
| Legislator, if knowed that the procession OF
you was DUBIOUS. I've gotta plantation and mig
gers in Georgy and own track Of land in Mis-
sissippi which in disjunction with sufhciency
I reckon as we mought do well to paddle oui
canoes together. They say that it takes man
of parts to be in the Legislator now about these
times, for the peoples in state Of rostocrazy
and extortionating is the ruling passion.
want to set the folks at Richmond right, and
| likewise also, want to make Seward smell par
ticlar HI! May be roasted like Christmas
turkey, if | amt the man to do it. I'm not af-
fear'd O being called out duelling, as they
call it when two fellers shoots their pistols in
the air, as though they were practising on the
wing No. I'm true secesh and will whip the
hui posse on EN- as claims any pretentions to
you, or has anything to say agin the administer
alton of JEFF Davis, and may [ be ''
Here Patsy gently placed her hand over his
mouth and bade him not to be so unmindful ol
her company that he was talking gibberish and
she could not understand him. Ben, as if in
fuenced by inspiration, voluntarily let fall the
hand and foot he had raised to hurl the thun-
der bolt and the lion yielded with the meekness
Of the lamb to the all powerful appeal of beau
ty. His country and its perious situation were
again forgotten and not q word of politics was
spoken, until the Squire had united the twain
in the holy bans Of wedlock, which ceremony
happened week after-much to the discomft-
ure Of the rest of the hero s fair admirers.
| am indebted to Ben himself for this story
Of his courtship and marriage The honey
moon was scarcely half over when his company
was mustered into service and, after participa-
ting in many hard fought battle in which
more cuffs than honors were gained, they found
themselves (the remnant of them in Northwes-
tern Virginia confronting the Federal army un-
der Meade. Beneath his rough exterior there
beat a big heart, and | have frequently had
cause to admire his Spartan bravery when in
action. His favorite mode of fighting was al
close quarters when he could give the enemy
what he called ''paMher hug" He always
fought ION his own hook, - having sovereign
| cOntemDt for Hardee' tactics At Perryvilln