The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-03-25
THE CAUDLE CURrAIN LECTURES.
Baby is 10 be ChrIstensd-Mrs. Ca1dIe
Canvasses the Merits OF Probable

= ~.
Baby is TO be Chrisrened-Mrs. Candle
CanVasseS the Merits or Probable
GOdfathers-
Come, now, love, about baby's name?
! The dear things three months old, and
not name TO its back vet. There YOU
| go again Talk oft tomorrow! No;
We'll talk OF it tonight. There's no
having word with you in the day
time-but here you can't leave me.
Now. don't say you wish You could,
Caudle; that's unkind, and not treating
a Wife-especially the wife am to you
l-as she deserves. 1t isn't often that I
speak; but do believe you'd like never
To hear the sound of my voice. L might
as well have been bortf dumbI
| 81 suppose the baby must have a
godfather and so, Caudle, who shall
We have? Who do you think viii be
able to do the most for it? No, Caudle,
no; Pm not a selfish woman-nothing
of the sort-but hope I've the feelings
of a mother; and what's the use of a
godfather, If he gives nothing else to
the child but a name? A child might
almost as well not be christened at all.
And SO who shall we have2 What do
you say? 4Hybody9 Aren't you
ashamed s1l med OF yourself, Caudle? Don't
you think something will happen to
I you, to talk in that way2 / don't
know where you pick up such primer
! pies. I'm thinking who there is among
our acquaintance who can do the most
for the blessed creature, and you say
anybody" Caudle, you are quite a
"There's wagstaff. No chance of his
eveEsmarrying, and he's very fond of
babies. He's plenty of money, Caudle;
and think he might be got. Babies, 1
know it-babiPs are his weak side
Wouldn't it be blessed thing to find
/ Ia
don't You speak? I declare, Caudle,
| you seem TO care no more for the child
than1t II was a strangers. People who
can't love children more than You do,
ought never to have 'em. You don't
like Wd9StdD2 No more do 1 much:
but what's that to do with it7 People
who've their families to provide for
mustn't think of their feelings. don't
like him; but then Pm a mother, and
love my baby! You IUoH't hare Wd0-
stag, and that's ttatS Ha, Caudle, you're
like nobody else-not fit for this world,
| you're not.
"What do you think, of Pugsby? 4
can't bear his wife; but that's nothing
| to do with it. I know my duty to nv
babe; wish other people did. What
do you sayf Ptgs6y'S a sVicked EeILot0S
Ha! that's like you-aIways giving peo-
pie bad name. We mustn't always
believe what the world says. CaudIe; it
doesn't become US as Christians to do
1t. only know that he hasn't chick or
child; and besides that, he's a very
strong interest in the Bluecoats; and so
| If Pugsby-. Now, don't fly out at
the man in that manner, Caudle, YOU
ught to be ashamed of yourselfI You
can't speak well of anybody Where
do You think to go to?
what do you say, then, to Sniggins?
Now don't bounce round in that way,
letting the cold air into the bed! WHATS
the matter with Sniggins? YoHtrouIdn't
ASK him fdUOr for the iDorLd5 Well,
it's good thing the baby has some-
body to care for it; I will. What do
you say2 I ShG'n'tF will, can tell
you. Sniggins, besides being "A warm
man. has good interest in the Customs;
and there's nice picking there, if one
only goes the right way to get 'em.
It's no use, Caudle, your fidgeting about
mot a bit. pm not going 10 have baby
lost-sacriticed, must say, like its
prothers and sisters. What do I mean
/ by sacrificed? Obi you know what a
mean very well. What have any of
'em got by their godfaLhers beyond a |
half-pint mug, knife and fork, and
spoon-and a shabby coat, that know
was bought secondhand, for 1 could !
almost swear to the place. And there
was your fine friend Hartly's wife
what did she give to Caroline? Why,
trumpery lace cap il made me blush
to look at. What? 1t tDdS the best she
could afford? Then she'd no right to
stand for the child. People who can't
do better than that have no business to !
take the responsibility of godmother. |
They ought to know their business |
better.
"W ell, Caudle, you can't object to
Goldman! Yes, you do? Was there
ever such a man? What forP TYc's n |
ItSureT and a hunks? Well, Pm sure
you've no business. in this world, Cau-
die; you have such high-flown notions. |
Why, isn't the man as rich as the bank? |
AND as for his being usurer-isn't i'll
all the better for those who come after
him? I'm sure. it's we'll there's some
people In the world who save money.
seeing the stupid creatures who throw
II away. But you are the strsngestl
man! really believe you think money
a sin, instead of the greatest blessing;
for can't mention any ofour acquainted
ance that's rich-and Pm sure we don't
know too many such people-that you
haven't something to say against 'em.
It's only beggars that you like-people
with not a shilling to bless themselves.
Ha! though you're my husband, must
say it-you're man of low notions,
Caudle. / only hope none of the poor
boys will take after their father!
"And 1 should like to know what's
the objections to Goldman? The only |
thing against him is his name; must
confess it, / don't like the name of
Lazarus; it's low, and doesn't sound /
genteel-not at all respectable. But
after he's gone and done what's proper
for the child, the boy could easily slip
Lazarus into Laurence. I'm told the |
thtng's often done. Nc, ,CaudIe, don't say
thRt--I'm not a mean woman; certainly
not; quite the reverse. I've only a pa
rents love for my children; and must
say It'll wish everybody felt as 1 did.
II suppose, If the truth was known,
you'd like your tobacco-pipe friend,
your pot-companion, Prettyman, to
stand for the child you'd hare no OBJ
lection? I thought notI Yes; knew
what 1t " as coming TO. He's a beggar,
he is; and a person who stays out half
your denying it-a beggar and a tip I
pleri and that's the man you'd make I
godfather 10 your own flesh and blood : /
Upon my word, Caudle, it's enough 10 I
make q woman get up and dress her
self to hear you talk. " |
well, can hardly tell you, If Won 4
won't have Wagstaff, or Pugsby, or
SnigGins, or Goldman, or somebody
that's respectable, to do what's proper,
the child sha'n't be christened at all.
As for Prettyman, or any such raft
no, never! Pm sure there's a certain \
set OF people that poverty's catching
Now, Caudle, won't have my dear
child lost by any of your spittoon ac-
quaintance, i can tell Won.
"Noi unless have my way, the child
sha'n't be cbristened at all. What do
you say? Hmitst hare a 1lGmef There's
no must at all in the case-none. No;
1t shall have no name. and then see
what the world will say. I'll call it
Number Six-yes, that viii do as well