The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-08-21

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SO very popular that We continue to cun
here and there the choicest bits that can
be found. The opening paragraph con-
tains moral: X -. T.,
One man took paper, and his life was
happier than kings his children all
could read and write and talk of men and
things. Another took no paper; and
! while strolling through the wood, tree
fell down upon his crown and killed him
as it should. Had he been reading Of
the news, at home like neigbbor Jim,
we'll bet cent that accident would not
have happened him.-Lyons Republican.
Editors know lots of such stories.
They don't often tell them, because they
don't wish to harrow the feelings of their
readers. We will add this, however, as
a solemn warning:
A young married man was solicited to
take paper. He declined on the ground
that any: village paper vas not worth q
DAM though we do not know whether
be meant female beast, a saw-nill dam,
a cofcr.dam, or the other kind. Well,
the evening of the same day, not loving
his wife as ne should, and having no yir-
tuous employment on hand, and not hay.
! ing village paper to read, he went into
':by and forbidden paths,"' slipped down
and broke his leg. -
- Fl he had been a subscriber for a vii.
lage paper, and had been at home read
ing it to his lovely wife, or had been
listening to her reading of it, this serious
accident would not have happened. But
worse than all, he dared not have an
account of the accident sent to- the vii
lage paper; and his wife wept many
hours because he had no right to have
his name in the papers, He had six
weeks to figure up the value Of DAM.
Letus hope that others win be warned
by this tragic affair, not to-speak pro-
fanely Of village papers, nor ACT profane-
ly, in not subscribing for them, and pay
ing in advance. .-[Exchange. -, -
This is an old story, but none the less
good, and is told of traveller at a
tavern, who rose from his bed at night
TO examine the weather, but ipsteadS of
looking ont on the sky, thrust his, head
through aglass window Of a cupboard;
Landlord, cried the astohished man,
this is very singular weas sher the night
is as dark as Egypt, and smells of cheese!,
Josh Billings advising a young lady;
as to how. she shall receive a proposal,
says: .; -
You ought tew: take it kind, looking
down hiA with an expreshun, about .ha' f
tickled, and half scarf. After the pop is
over figure 1uyver wants tew kiss you
I don't think would say yes or no, but
let the thing kinder take its own course. >
The year 1867 has been so faI very
etentfoi one for young ladies' and will
eontinne SO, or We. are much mistaken.
For instance: ( -. ->> =
. Throughout the course of the whole
year, Whenever the moon waness the
night will grow dark. Whoever is, in
love this year will think his sweetheaft
an angel. Whoever gets. married will
And out whether it is true. If a young
lady happens to blush, she will look red
in the face, If she dreams of aTyoung
man three nights in succession; it is the
sign of something. IF any hodysjumps
overheard without knowing how to swim.
1T is two to one. he gets drowned. 1fany
one lends an umbrelta;,it is ten to one
be is obliged to go home-in the rain for
his pains.
The Chicago Times prints the follow-
Jog account OF a recent occurrence in
St. Louis:
a crowd had gathered on a corner, and
IAN excited individual, painting with heat,
rushed up. to the scene exclaiming
whats the matter?' Only a man killed.
was the reply. oh! rs that all / thought
it was dog fight
The Petersburg Express ayers. that a.
voraeious native feeder eatthe following
in one day:
l. Dinner-One, plate Of. cabbage, four
pieces of ham, one dish of tomatoes, one
dish of cucumbers, one and halfPonnds
of corn bread, and three mutton chops.
For dessert-Twelve pears, six apples,
one packet Of almonds, raisins, six pieces
of cake, and four saucers of ice cream.
Supper-Six beefsteaks; six rolls, four
6sh, four deyiled crabs, tmo cups of
coffee, two cups Of water, and half
pound of butter.
= a devil of fellow.
a At Placerville, Methodist minister
went to a tin shop to buy a blowing
horn. Selecting one, lie asked the clerk
whether it would make q loud noise 2
uOh, yes" said the clerk, "a hi of a
noise" SWELL" replied the minister,
las / want il TO blow at. camp meeting,
don't think that kind Of a noise. Will
suit" and walked of. -. -.
When is young lady embraced by q,
monkey? When she has -an ape run
s(apron) round her waist. &
The boy who undertook to ride a
horse radish is now praesicing op a sad
die of mutton.
A man can 60 along without adver-
tising, and so can wagon without grcas-
ing, BUT IT GOES hard. ..----.----.
The best capital to begin life with is
capital wife. Dew tell.