Litchfield enquirer., 1867-07-25

Ifa man makes me keep my distance, the comfort is, he keeps his at the same time
 It miserable thing to live ill suspen- SC; it is the life of a spider.
 A man would have but few spectators if he should offer to show for three pence how he could thrust a red hot poker into a @ barrel of gnnpowder, so that it should not take fire.
 How is it possible to expect that man. kind will take advice, when they will not so much as take warning?
 ''Sal, what time do your folks dine?" ''As soon as you goes; that's missris's or ders"
 ':What brought you to prison, my color ed friend?' '"Two constables, sah." ''Yes, but mean had intemperance anything to do with it?" ''Yes. sah, bofe of 'em drunk. ''
 building in Rutland, Vt, says the Herald, was struck by lightning on the Fourth and an Irishman knocked out of a window into the street. Thinking some one had assaulted him. he got up instanta- neousl sly, and divesting himself of his coat ex- claimed: "Be jabers, can lick the man that pushed me out O that window Which ye done it?"
 If you let a man pull your nose to-day, when will he do it again? Why, next tweak, of course.
 A CoPPERHEAD.-An Indian passing up street in Natchez few days since, was asked the relative position of the white man, negro and Indian. Giving the usual "ugh," he said: Fore de war fust cum white man, den injun, den nigger; now cum nlgger, den injun, den dog, den white man.
 According to Milton, Eve kept silent in Eden to hear her husband talk" said gentleman to lady friend, and then added Tn melancholy tone: "Alas, there have been no Eyes since" Because there have been no husbands worth listening to" was the quick reply.
 A floral curiosity has recently appeared Tn Putnam, rose within a rose, or rather a bud in the center of a rose, which is swelling ready to blossom The petals of 7 the first have dropped off, the calyx re- malning with the stem of the second flower Tn the center. It is of the hundred Ieaved, or rose of Sharon species.
 MODEL CoMPosITIoN.-The Essex States man says a boy in South Danvers wrote the following composition upon his native town, which 1t thinks is very good for school boy:
 South Danvers is in the United States. It IS bounded by Salem and reaches to Mid dletown. Its principle river is Goldth- waite's brook, which empties into Salem harbor. Its principal lake is the mill pond which is dry in the summer. Its principal productions are leather, onions, the South Church and George Peabody. South Dan vers has many religious sects, among which are the Orthodox, who worship their min ister, the Spiritualists, who worship every thing, and the Unitarians, who worship nothing"
 bishop, who was fond of shooting, in one of his excursions met with a friends gamekeeper. whom he sharply reproved for inattention to his religious duties ex- horting him strenuously to Ego to church, and read his Bible" The keeper, in an angry mood, responded, "Why, do read my Bible, sir, but I don't find in it any mention of the apostles going shooting" No, my good man, you are right" said the bishop; ''the shooting was very bad in Palestine, so they went fishing instead"
 Two dry goods clerks in the same store in Chicago fell ill love with one of their customers, young widow, and quarreling about her agreed to settle it by duel Ar rived at the scene of action, lumber yard the biggest one refused to fight with pis- tols, lest he should afterwards be hung for the murder of his opponent, and going in on his muscle, got we'll licked. The plucky victor afterwards carried off the widow
 good thing is told of the President in Raleigh. While responding in feeling manner to the welcome given him, he used the expression, "let us, my friends, repair the breaches" and before he could add, made by the war;" an old woman ex- claimed with perfect delight, "bless the dear man, he. has come home again to work at his old trade!''
 Would it not be we'll for Congress to stop talking about the execution of Maximil- ian? It is no business of theirs, one way or the other, and the bloodthirsty senti- ments expressed are not creditable to their humanity. Palladium.
 The sweetest thing in the botanical line IS the following definition of fowers- '' Floral apostles that in dewy splendor weep without woe, and blush without a tinge of shame