The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1867-03-22
FEMALE sUFFRAGE-VIEWs OF
MARK TWAIN.

tlOnoTS IN ldHoE o. l6Ilalo Suuragey a9Q as
husband and father l want 10 protest
against the whole business. 1t will never
do TO allow them too hold Office. You
know, and l know, that il they were
granted these privileges there would be
no more peace on earth. They would
swamp the country with debt. They like
TO hold Office to we'll. They like TO be
Mrs. President Smith Of the Dor as so.
ciety, or Mrs. Secretary Jones of the
Hiadoo aid ASSOCIATION, or Mrs. Treas
urer Of something brother. They are
fond of the distinction of tho thing, you
know; they reVel in the sweet jingle of
the title. They ars always setting up
saLc.iie1 con ederaticns of all kinds. and
then running for President of them.
They are even SO fond of Office that they
are willing TO -serve without pay. But
you allow them 10 Yo.e. and to 60 TO the
Legislature once, and then see how II
will be. They will go to work aud start
thousand more societies. and cram them
full Of salaried Offices. You will see q
state Of things then that viii stir your
feelings to the bottom Of Jour pockets.
The first fee bill would exasperats you
some.
You know what state Of anarchy and
social chaos that fee bill would create.
Every woman in the Commonwealth Of
Missouri would let go everything sad
run for State Milliner. And, instead Of
vsnlilating each others political antece
dents, as men do, they would go straight
after each oth,r's private moral character.
Il know ihem--Ihey are all like my wife.
Before the canvass was three days old,
it would be an established proposition
that every woman in the State was ono
beUler than she ought to be- Only
think how it would lacerate me to have
an opposition candidate cay that about
my wife. That is the idea, you know
having other people say these hard things.
Now, l know that my wife isn't any bet
Ter than she ought 20 be, poor devil-in
fact, 10 matters of orthodox doctrine, she
is particularly shaky-but still. I would
no: ike these things aired in political
contest. don't really suppose that that
woman will stand any more show here
after than-hoWever, she may improve
she may even become a beacon light for
the saving of others but if ale does,
she will bum rather dim. aud she will
flicker good deal, too But, as | was
saying, female political canvass would
be an outrageous thing. -.-
Think of the torch light professions
tina; would distress our eyes. Think Of
the curious legends on the Transparent
cies /:
| robbins forever % Vote for Sallie
Robbins, the only Yirtuous candidate in
the field - .-
And this:
! CHASTITY, modssty, patriotism 4! Let
the great people stand by Maria Sanders,
the champion of morality and progress,
and the only candidate with a stainless
reputation !"
Aud this ''Vote for Judy McGinnis,
the incorrup;ible Nine children-onc
at the breast II
La that day man shall say to his ser
want, "WhaL is the matter with the baby 2
And the servant shall reply, 1T has
been sick for hours" "And where is its
mother % "She is out electioneering
Tor Sallie Robbins" And such CONVEX
sations as these shall tTanspire between la
dies and servants applying for situations 4:
Can you cook % Yes" Wash %
eyes," do general house work %
YES" "All right; who is your choice
for State Milliner? % Judy McGinuis.' -
"Well, you can tramp" Aud women
shall talk politics instead OF discussing
the fashions and they shall neglect the
duties of the household to go out and
| take drinks with candidates aud men
shall nurse the babies while their wives
travel to the polls to vote. And also 10
that day the man who hath beautiful
whiskers shall beat the homely man of
wisdom for Governor, and the youth. who
values with exquisite grace shall be
Chief of Police, 10 preference to the man
Of practical sagacity and determined Gu
ergy.
Every man, I take it, has a selfish end
in view when he pours eloquencs in be-
hail Of the public good in the newspapers.
and sucG is the case with me. l do not
want the privileges of women extended.
because my wife already holds office in
nineteeu different inteInaI female associ-
atoms, aud have do 81, her clerking
If you give the women full swIsD with
the men in political affairs, she will PRO
coed to run for every confouuded off e
under the new dispensation. That will
finish me. Il is bound 20 finish me. She
would not have time to do any,
thing at all then, and the one solitary
thing l have shirked up 10 the present
time would fall on me, aud my family
would go to destruction; for 1 am not
qualified for vet nurse. MARX TWAIN