The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-02-06
HUI M oROU S

ess safd the Irlend, IL IL seven
by nine. no 9hnr a1
Stranger" Gardener why do you
water the sidewalk so much2 7 Gar
dener-" Sure, master has nothing to
amuse him, and he makes me keep
the sidewalk wet while he looks at
the ladies ankles" to ssst3 5s.oags
A contemporary suggests that a lady,
on putting on her c0rsets, is like a
man who drinks to drown his grief,
because in solacing herself she is get
ting tight! ansssaa.
A gentleman once observing that a
person, famous in the musical profess
sion, led a very abandoned life.
Aye" replied the wag, the whole
tenor of his life has been base'
An editor announces the death of
lady of his acquaintance, and thus
touchingly adds: In her decease,
the sick lost an invaluable friend.
Long will she seem to stand at her
bedside, as she was wont, with the
balm, of consolation in one hand and
a cup Of rhuharb in the other, h
A lady asked pupil at pubic
school 4" What was the sin of the
Pharssees?'' /" Eating camels, marin, -
quickly replied the child. She had
read that the Pharisees : strained at
gnats and swallowed camels.'nns ~ bs1
Some men keep very savage dogs
around their houses, SO that the hun
CRY poor who, stop to : get bite,
may get it outside the door. aa
A young and pretty girl stepped
into a linen diapers shop, where a
spruce young man, who had long been
enamored to her. but dared not speak,
stood behind the counter. In order
to remain as long as possible, she
cheapened everything. And at last
she said, y believe you think / am
cheating you" "Oh, no. said the
young man. to me you are always
fair" : Well, whispered the lady,
blushing as she laid an emphasis ON
the word, / would not stay so long
bargaining, if you were not SO dean"
SHARP OLD GENT.-During the re-
cent session of the Equal Rights
Convention in New York, strong
minded female entered a crowded
street railroad car. An old gent rose
to give her seat, but asked, !" Be you
one ofeethose women's Fighters? Il
be. )" GU believe woman should
have all the rights of MANI" 'sYes,
I 4 do. )" Then stand up and enjoy
them like man.; " and stand up she
did.
A FUssY TRAyELER.-Tho mid
night Albany train, few weeks since,
left load of passengers at one of our
Western towns Among the number
was a nervous, fdgety old man, who
was in a great stew about his baggage,
His foot had hardly touched the plat
form, when he commenced logging
the baggage master for his baggage.
Finally, after beingrepeatedly dunned
for the baggage, before he had time to
get it at the bottom of the huge pile,
the baggage master turned to the man
and thus addressed him: " Mister, it
is a pity that you want born an ele-
plant instead of jackass, and thin
ye'd have had yer trunk always under
yer nosei "
How TO PROPOSAL party of
ladies and gentlemen were laughing
over the supposed awkwardness at
tending a. declaration of love, when
gentleman remarked, that if ever he
offered himself he would do it in a
collected and business-like manner.
For instance, he continued, ad-
dressing lady present, Miss Smith,
/ have been two years looking for a
wife; am in receipt of about three
hundred year, which is on the in
crease. Of all the ladies of my ac-
quaintance, / admire you the most +;
indeed, | love you, and would gladly
make you my wife. . : You fatter me
by your preference" good humoredly
replied Miss Smith, to the surprise OF
alt present; I" I refer you to my
father Bravo" exclaimed the
gentlemen. /" Well, / declare T said
the ladies in chorus The lady and
gentleman, good reader, were married
soon after. Wasn't that a modest
way of coming to the point, and a
ladylike method OF taking man at
his word? 8
A contributor to the drawer Of
Harper's Monthly tells story OF 9
certain deacon who was one-of the best
of men, but by nature very irritable
A COW was so exceedingly disorderly
as the deacon was attempting to mllk
her one morning, that the old Adam
got the better of him, and he vented
his excited feelings in volley OF exc
crations very undeaconish in then
character. At this moment the good
deacon's pastor appeared unexpected
ly on the scene, and announced hi
presence by saying, " Why, deacon
can it be? Are you swearing?
swell. parson," replied the deacon
81 didn't think of any one being neal
by, but the truth is, never shall en-
joy religion so long as | keep thll
| cow