Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-08-20
Hy0clMthS /!

Signal for bark-puling dogs tail.
A dis-cur-teous institution-the dog law.
What most resembles pretty girl bathing
A diving BELIZE.
When does boy begin bookkeeping? When
he first sets up (h)owl.
When is hen most likely to hatch? When
she is in earnest (her nest.
In the Milliner's vocabulary, expensive and
expansive are synonymous.
Prentice says AS great liar as Brownlow
is, he doesn't belle his looks.
Shocks, observing ladys gaiter in an alley
remarked that it was an alligator.
When is a tombstone like rush-lght?-
When it is set up for late husband.
How do we know that Pharoah was carpen-
ter? Because he made Joseph ruler.
Butler says he will soon startle the country.
He has made it hold its nose often enough now
How did Noah preserve honey bees during
the food? In the archives of the old world,
of course.
A ball struck little boy In the eye last week
Strange to say, the bawl Immediately came out
OF his mouth.
At Erie, Pa, the gas is so bad that the boy
who puts the lights out in the streets carries
A radical editor talks about ''taking his life
in his hand, 5" and Prentice advises him to take
it at once-either in or by his hand.
Gent-"C onfound the hair oil-how it sticks.
Wife-"Oh, Harry that is not the hair oil
it must be the baby's soothing syrup"
A letter-writer from Naples, says:-"Stand-
ing on Castle Elmo drank in the whole of the
bay" What a swallow he must have.
''Pa, know why that old-fashioned pistol of
yourn, that grandpa fit with in the Revolution,
is called a horse pistol "Why, my SOM"
Because it kicks SO.
SIS there any danger of the boa-constrictor
biting?" asked visitor at Van Amburg' me-
nagerie. "Not the least" replied the show
man; ''he never bites; he swollers his whites
whole. -
Father, didn't you say the world was round
Yes, my son.
Well, how can it come to an end, if round?
William, | wish you wouldn't talk with your
mouth so full of victuals. F"
A novelist tells of two lovers, who agreed to
wave their hands towards each other at GER
tain hour, across the Atlantic ocean. One
might suppose there would be waves enough
between them without their trying to make any
more with their hands.
A bashful young man escorted an equally
bashful young lady home. As they approached
the dwelling of the damsel she said, entreating-
ly, "Jehiel, don't tell anybody you beaued me
home. Sara said he emphatically, "dont
you mind; I'm as much ashamed of it as you
are.
Mrs Smith lost her husband, very good
man, to whom she was much attached. A few
days after the funeral the sexton brought his
bill: "For digging grave, So my gracious
you don't charge, said the woman, ''$2 for
digging grave in such soft spot as that? I
would willingly have dug it myself for ST p
Mrs. Darlington says: For. my part [ can't
deceive what On airth eddication is coming to-
When I was young, if a gal only understood the
rules of distraction, provision, multiplying, re-
plenishing and the common denominator, and
know all about the rivers and their obituaries
the covenants and their dormitories the prov
inees and the umpire, they had eddication suf
fcient. But now they have to study bottomy,
algerbay, and have to demonstrate suppositions
about the sycophants of parallelagrams, to say
nothing of oxides, asheads, cowsticks, and abb
struse triangles And here the old lady was so
confused with the technical names that she act
ually broke down.