The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-06-05
SPICE.-THE CBIGSON.

w III iAC IUSl ScGll every NHSIS.
We held in our hands q black Chignon,
We wished 10 analiZc
To see how short. how broad, and how long
Were those lttic thing> with claws and prouS
That live therein las per Doctor Song)
And daily multiplies.
We found the thing all covered with thread
Evenly knotred here and there,
Round and fat like a loaf OF bread,
And stuffed inside with chopped up beard,
At least, such hair came not from head;
Of this, we could almost swear.
OF all things used in dressing the head,
OF women young or old,
he Chignon made from the quick and dead,
l. The vie>t compound 80 lis said
And should be stunned bv I'LL who dread,
Contact, with matter and mould.
The Machine we hoped would grind it up,
And separate all its parts.
But The ChignOn we found to bind it up,
So we could not even wind ii up,
And in despair We resigned it up
10 other hands and arts.
We advise the proprietor of the ma
chine from which the above was turned
out to let tie vcxe1 subject alone. The
machine may be irrecoverably ruined.
We know a man, a good indulgeat hus-
band and father, who bought each his
wife and six girls one Of these horrible
head balances, and since that time has
had no peace. Strange noises are heard
at night and he thinkSthc house haunted.
Let the chignoa alone.
"My dear" said Mrs. Dogbcrry 70 her
daughter, ''yon Should not hold your
dress so very high in crossing the street"
"Thcn, ma, replied the maiden, chow
shall | ever show the beauty Of my
finnnccd pantalct>, that has almost ruin
ed nv eyc>ighl to manufacture? I'm sure
| don't care if the bcaux do look at me-"
OF course She is right, the younger
Dosberry. Suppose the bcaux do or
will look, whose fault is it?
"AIusIia is great promptcr Of Iazincss.
fyounS men wish to accomplish any
thing OF moment, either with head Or
hand. they must keep clear Of the insii.
tuition entirely. \ pair Of sweet lips, a
small waist, ii swelling chest, pressure
of two delicate bands, will 10 as much TO
unhingc 4 man as three fever$, the mea
zles, largr->iZcl whnoping- cough. a
pair of lock jaws, several hydrophoUiaS,
and The doctors hiil."
So says conlirme'l old bachelor op-
posed to nlatr,mo3y, and who evidently
knows nothing Of the Institution he
aS<al<. TIE ladi2S are advised not to
lay it to heart, for there are those who
do believe in muslin, and the other little
adjunctS, very muchly.
liy heart is sick. my heart is sad.
But, OH, the charge dare not tcli;
am not gEicTed, J am NOT glad:
I am not i'll am not WE'LL
I'm not myself I'm not the same.
! am, Indeed know not hat;
I'm changed in AL except in name
On, when shall b. changed in that?
What a pity We sywpathizc with
this heart sick and hope that she may
soon realize the change 50 ariently look,
ed for.
y widow lady, sitting bg cheerful
fire in a meGitalive mood, shortly after
her husbands deceasc. sighed out:
Poor feIIqy! how. he did like a good
fire! hope nc ahas gone where they
keep good fires -
Our devil" says he'll bet she kept
him in rot water and under a perpetual
''cross FIRE" while he lived.
A lady says the first time she was
kissed she felt like tub of roses swim
ing in money, cologne, nurncss and cram
berries. She felt as if something was
running through her nerves on feet ot
diamonds, escorted by several little cupd>
in chariots drawn by angels, shaded BY
honcy-suckle<, and the whole spread with
melted rainbDws.
That female showed a proper apprccia
ton of good thing and was not ashamed
to say SO. She will do.
Artcmus Ward says that no daily
paper is published in hts town, ladies
sew ing circle answering the same ~pur'
pose.
Artcmus is vile slanderer, but those
ladies who lave passion fov tea parties
should remember that tattle begins with
4 7.
\ gentleman in Iowa advcrtiSes for Il
wife "who wears her own hair, her own
teeth, her own cheeks, her oHn 'hnzznm,
and her own calves, without having went
and gone and paid f0r them"
If we were not afraid Of the conse-
qncnccs we would say that he is in search
Of a ''natural curiosity"
A lady wished scat in a crowded hall
\ handsome gentleman gave her chair
You are Il jrwel," said she. 20. no.
am a jeweler; hnveju>t set the jewel.
Some things are better than other<,
and little sweet blarney i; one of them.
".All flesh is grass" sighed Spodgers
after dinner one day, and immediately
added: "Of all grasses give me plump
grass widow"
Toncy Weller said "bc7are Of viIdcrs"
but he said nothing of grass widows,
therefore VIC see Spodgcrs and go one
better.
s'Woman's love is like Sci,!ch snNlf,
We Get one piac.,.. and that enough
Took too large dose perhaps. taNeh
in moderation We know of nothing better.
Drre,onn1rrur>rc RlnScr6 AFRO thrV