The Plymouth weekly Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1860-1869, 1867-02-21

@tEAllst ali CilduDSI uldiV-, "a WhaACfCi
age or nationality, l launch the hostility
of Baehelordom
Because
They always put the pillows at the op-
posite end of the bed from the gas burner,
so that while you read or smoke before
sleeping Gas is the ancient and honored
custom of bachelors you have to hold
your book aloft in an uncomfortable posi-
ton, to keep the light from dazzling your
eyes.
When they find the pillows removed to
the other end Of the bed il the morning.
they receive not the suggestion in a friend
ly spirit, but glorying in their absolute
sovereignty, and Implying your helpless
ness, they make the bed just as it was
originally, and gloat in secret over the
pang that tyranny will cost YOU.
Always after that, when they find you
nave trausposed the pillow, they undo
your work. and thus defy you, and seek to
embitter the life that God hath gwen
You.
If they cannot get the light in an in
convenient position any other way, they
move the bed.
IF YOU pull the trunk out six inches
from the wall 50 tina. the lid will stay up
when you open it, they always shove
that trunk back again. They do it on
purpose.
If you want the s%pittoon in a cer.ain
spot, where it VII be handy, they don't.
And 50 they move it.
They always put your other boots into
Inaccessible places. They chiefly enjoy
depositing them as far under the bed as
the wall will permit. 1t IS because this
compels YOU to get down in an ~undignifed
attitude and make wild sweeps for them
in the dark with the bootiact.
They always put the match box in some
other place. They hunt up a new place
for il every day. and put a bottle or other
peri.hable glass things where the box
rtood before. This is 20 cause you to
break hat glass thing, cropping in the
dark. aud get Yourself into trouble.
They are forever and ever moving the
furniture. When you com in in the
night you can calculate on finding the
bureau where the wardrobe Was in the
morning And when you 90 out ia the
morning, il you leave the STOP bucket b.
the door and the rocking,chair by the
window when you come back at midnight
or th~ereabouts, you viii fall over that
rockine>chair, and you will proceed to-
ward the window and sit down il the
slop-tub. This Will disgust you, but they
Ike that.
Nomattcr where you put anything, they
are net going to let it remain there. They
will take it and move it the first chance
they .et. Ii is their nature. And be
sides, it gives them pleasure to be mean
and contrary this way.
They always save up all the old scraps
ofrrintel rubbish YOU throw or the floor,
ana stack them NJ carefully on the table,
and then start the fire with your valuable
manuscripts. IF there IS any one p%articu-
lar old scrap that yOn are more down ON
than any other, and which you arc gradu-
ally wearing your life out to get rid of, YOU
may take all the pains you possibly can il
that direction, but It won't be of any use.
because they viii always fetch that old
scrap back and put It in the same cid place
every time. II does them good.
And they use up more hair-oil than any
six men. II charged with pUr!oining the
same, they lie about 1t.
If you leave your key in the door for
convenience sake, they viii carry it down
10 the Office and give it to the clerk
They DO This under the vile pretence of
~ ing to protect your property from thieves
but actually they do it because they
want to make you tramp down stairs after
1t when you are tired, or put you to the
trouble of sending a waiter for il, which
waiter will expect you to pay him some
thing for it. In which case l suppose The
degraded creatures divide.
They keep always coming to make your
bed before you get up, thus destroying
your rest and inficting agony upon you
tut after you get up they don't come
any more til next day.
They do all mean things they can think
of.
Chambermaids arc dead TO every hui
man instinct.
nave denounced them in behalf Of
outraged bachelordOm. They deserve it.
II I can get a bill through the Legislature
abolishing chambcrmaids, | mean TO do it.
-.Nqrk Tran.
-s-. <-r