Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-06-06
A New Letter byIArtemus Ward

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Papers"
1 was sitting in the bar, quietly smokin
frugal pipe, when two middle-aged and
stern-lookin females and a young and pref
tv female suddenly entered the room
They were accompanied by two umbreller'
and negro gentleman. "Do you feel fol-
the down -troddenP" said one of the females
a thin7faced and sharp-voiced person in
green spectacles. "Do feel tor it?" ancered
the lan'lord, in puzzled voice-"Do | feel
tor it?n Yes; for the oppressed, the be-
nited?" "Inasmuch as to which?" said the
landlord. You see this man?" said the fe-
gentleman. -"Yes, marin, I see him.
"fes!o said the female, risin her voice to a
exceedin high pitch, lyon see him,
and, he's yonr brother!' mo, I'm
darned if he isr' said the .lan'lord,
hastily retreatin to his beer-casks. Sand
yours!" shouted the excited female, ad-
oressin me. is also your brotherl''
mo, | think not marm,p ] pleasantly
replied. .sThe nearest we come to that
color in our family was the case OF my bro
ther John. He had the janders for sev'ral
years, but they finally lett him. 1 am hap
py to state that at the present time, he
hasn't a solitary iander." Look at this
manw screamed the female. / looked at
him. He was an able-bodied, well-dressed,
comfortable looking negro. He looked as
though he might heave three or four good
meals day into him without a murmer.
"Leok at that down-trodden man!' cried
the female. "Who trod on him?" 1 in
quired. s'Vnliansi despotsp' "Well,'
said the landlord, why don't you go to the
willins about it? Why do you come here
tellin us niggers is our brothers, and brand
lishin your umbrellers round like lot of
lunytics? Your wuss than the sperrit-
rappers,o "Have you," said middle-aged
female No. 2, who was a quieter sort of
person, shave you no sentiment-no poetry
in your soul-no love for the beautiful
/, Dost never go into the green fields to Gull
the beautiful 1ours ?' al not only never
dost," said the landlord in an angry
voice, "but I'll bet you five pound you
can's bring a man as dares say I durst."
"The little BIRDS" continued the female,
'dost not love to gaze onto them ~ 81
would 7 were a bird, that might fly to
thou? ?" humorously sung, casting a
sweet glance at the pretty young woman.
'Don't you lock in that way at my daw-
ter" said female No. i, in a violent voice
''you're old enough to be her -father.''
'eTwas an innocent look, dear madam 1
softly said. "You behold in me an emblem
of innocence and purity. In fact, 1 start
for Rome by the first train tomorrow to
sit as model to celebrated artist who is
about to sculp a statue to be called Sweet
Innocence. Do you s'pose sculperl would
send for me for that purpose onless he
knowd l was overfowing with innocency ?
Don't make error about me-" "It is my
opinyn," said the leading female, 'sthat
you're a scoffer and wretch? Your mind
is in wusser beclouded state than the
poor negroes we are seeking to aid. You
are gropeirin the dark cellar of sin. o
There is sparkling fount,
Come, U come, and drink.
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he will,'' said the landlord, - if you'll treat.
Jest try him." "As for you," said the en-
ragged female to the landlord, " you're de-
graded bein to low and vulgar to talk to.''
"This is the sparklin fount for ne, dear
sisterp cried the landlord, DRAWN and
drinkin a mug of beer. Having uttered
which COAX, he gave a low rumblin larf,
fren," said to the negro kindly, "what is
it all aboutr He said they was trying to
raise money to send missionaries to the
Southern States in America to preach to
the vast numbers of negroes recently made
free there. He said they were without the
gospel. They were without tracts. / said,
/" My fren,' this is seris matter. admire
you for trying to help the race to which
you belong, and far be it from me to
say anything again carrying the gospel
among the blacks in the South. Let them
go by all MEANS But / happen to indi-
vidually know that there are some thou
sands of liberated blacks in the South who
are starving. l don't blame any body for
this but tits a sad fact. Some are really
too i'll to work, some cannot get work to
do. and others are too foolish to see any me-
cessity for working, was down there last
winter, and observed that this class had
plenty of preachin for their souls, but skurce
any vittles for their stummux. Now, if
it is proposed to send flour and bacon
along with the gospel the idea is really an
excellent one. If on the t'other hand.
it is proposed to send preachin alone, all
/ can say is that it's hard case for the
niggers. If you expect colored pr
son to get deeply interested in a tract VIII N
his stummuck is empty, you expect %
much." gave negro as much as,I could
Afford and the kind-hearted landlord did
the same. / said, Farewell, my colored
fren. wish you well certainly. You are
now as free as the eagle. Be like him and
soar. But don't attempt to convert Ethi-
opian person while his stummuck yearns
for vittles. And you, ladies-I hope you
are ready to help the poor and unfortunate
at home, as you seem to help the poor and
unfortunate abroad" When they had gone,
the landlord said, "Come into the garden,
Ward." And we went and eulled some
carrots for dinner, s---f-.-- -