Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-06-22
SALMAGUNDI.

gszgA Why Is hat made of beaver like land that always yields fine crop?- Because it may be called fertile (fur tile.) A fa ss'Q
 BJr"It is very curious" said an old gentlemen to his friend, '.that watch should be perfectly dry, when it has running spring inside" h bs
 Dy- Yonr master at home! No, sir, he's out. Mistress at home? No, sir, she's out. Then I'll step in and sit by the fire. That's out too, sir.
 By~"Ain'ti it wicked to rob this chick en roost, Dick P "Dat's great moral question, Gumbo; and we ain't no time to arguefy it now; hand down anoder bullet.
 DsSAn English paper states as a fact that lady the other day, engaging kitchen maid at register office, she stipulated for dry kitchen for her piano and m hour a day to play.
 psp One night, in thunder shower, we thought the little ones all asleep, when little voice from the "trundle- bed' called out, "Oh, mother, the dark is winking! first it shuts up, and then it shuts down." aH m eil 6g4
 DJ-Tn an advertisement for young gentlemen who left his parents, it is stated that If Master Jacky will return to his dsconsolatc parents, he shall not be sent to school, and he shall sweeten his own tca."
 DGyAlexander Dumas the elder, re- turning from days sport at the coun- try seat of friend with an empty game-bag, was asked ''Well, Dumas, what have you killcd?" ''Timc," was the quiet reply. f..s.
 BarA rather profane church-goer one day asked his clergyman what was the meaning of the passage ill the Psalms, .1Ie clothed himself. with cursing as with garment" "The meaning" re- piled the clergyman, ..is plain enough, I think that the man, like you had q habit of swearing"
 aV-Mrs. Burlington wishes to know if the man who "fell into train of thought" was very much injured by the collision. The dear old lady adds . postscript, wishing to be. ihforfled whether the person who was "worsted in an argument is sold cheap, as she would like to purchase a few balls.
 IoeIcAL.-A butcher let a sailor have a shoulder of mutton on trust; but finding in day or two after that he had gone to foreign land, said, "My word but if I had known he never in- tended paying, would have charged a penny a pound moro for it v
 ssg-A printer and a painter loved the same girl In Chicago. The parents liked the printer, the girl loved the painter. The printer married themaid- on. but after two days of welded bliss, the printers exchequer was found to be very low, divorce was applied Tor and the third day it was granted. The painter is hopeful.
 ssy-An exchange says that a man who can't swim may keep his head above water by tying his handkerchief around his hat, placing the hat top downwards in the water and resting his chin on it. All persons before they fall into the water are adviscdto to pre- pare their hats in the way above men, toned.
 n3g~ A man was talking, few days ago, about the horrors of tight lacing, stating that among other things It caused redncss of the nose. One of the gentleman in the company remarked z
 "Wcn, I never could account for my nose being red, but I'm glad to learn that it is caused by tight lacinS; thought it had it's origin in another kind of tightncss.'
 ney~"Sambo, can you tell mo in what building people are most likely to take cold?" "Why, no; mo strange in dc town, and can't tell dat "Well, Twill tell you, it is de bank" 'lIow is dat?" @Because dare so many drafts in it."- ..Dat is good; but can yoh tell mo sah, what makes dare be so many drafts in it?" "No.' ''So many go dare to raise the wind. Yah. yah, yah.'
 gss-A duel was forght in Texas, lately, by Alexander Shott and John $. Mott. Mott was shot, and Shott was not. Ih this ease, it was better to be Shott than Mott. There was rumor that Mott was not shot, but Shott says he shot Mott, which proves either that the shot Shott shot at Mott was not shot, or that Mott is shot, notwithstand- ing. m
 sGyA physician who attended Fon- tenelle, once found him drinking coffee. My good siry7 said this sage descend- ant of Galen; 'I am astonished to sec you swallow the infusion of that per- nicious bcrry--coflee is slow poisonM q think said Fontenelle, Sit must bc slow for l have drank it with great perseverance for more than forty years"
 Goob CAusEs.=An afflicted brother editor complaining that he could not sleep, thus summed up the causes; A wailine babe, seventeen months old-a dog bowling under the window-a cat in the alley-colored scrcnadc at shanty over the wayAa toothache--a white swelling-his wife discoursing