, 1867-09-06
NUMBERS 50.
A Curtnin Lecture to Mrs. Mark Twain.
"Oh 20 to sleep you old fool p
mt. Twain, | am surprised and ,r;ov., a,


"Mr. Twain, am surprised and orjevsd o. :,
Don interrupt me, woman tell Won ;,,s
aosurd-you learn TO skate You'll ba ,xsr,,
10 play fairy in the Black Crook pert III
you sAatihs Is an accomplishment suited onIv 20
youth Aed combines Of face and symmeirS ~
nsure' 'othlng Is SO charming as to see n han
,,,h En', 80 Lu tne eoqueiish costume THE Kinks
lng with excitement, skimmipp tho - a..
oru-snd swooping down upon A gronn 90 60 ~. :
uemet, and pretending she can't s,or ha-sse,e
ahu landing IN the arms Of the very voun', =. -
ner iaiher don { allow her to know-s,d ds.,i--
80 "saih HHH hs'nq or ~ bead asd exposin .
ners'eh-eHposlng herself to remarks abont bes
earelessness, Madam-hold your tonrns -
always taking care to fall when tba,
Is Is close by to pick her up. II is cbsrno;, a,a
iney iook pretty, aud interesting. too vhsn
| ,ney are Just learning-wheD they stand sin
ione tine In one place, and then start one foot
| glngerIy, and 1t makes break for the o,ber la
ol lhe pond, and leaves the balance of the giri
Sp'~",'hg on lhls side But you You look
aaa "ut a" A""Iu ana dismal enough at any time;
e., w. s| you nie on skates you waddle of as
stuhy, and stupid and ungainIv. aso br,-..S
that had half a horse for dinner | won't have
IT, lnAuam And you get under a little precari-
Gus headway, and then put YOUR feet tooe,bar
auu urIt along, STOPPING your head and sboul
.oI "uu no'ding your arms ou: like you expec-
- .purcn was gong to fall on you 1t aggra,
,a'es 'ne NE out OF me And Tuesday, when |
was was ass enough to get on skates myself and
kicked the Irish Giants eve ont The Srs, dsah au
anu iit on my head and cracked the ice 60 that
iooKeu IKE the sun with all its rays had drons
pea where struck, and they fined me nine,r-
TWO collars Tor running the mans nond wss
terrihed with tue conviction that I had oons
.ntougn 10 the inside of the world, because I
+ 'ne parallels OF latitude glimmering all
] wi
awkWardness, fetching up over me with yonr
rent and won't" '"' pc"
MI. Twain, | am surp-
hoIG your clatier. tell you you shau't
o ofing odium upou the family by your Disgrace
lui attempts to skate, sprawling around with
~ ''e ite' IKE COW plowing her way down
~ siPpt'y weather Maybe you wouldn't
c oe so nanny about displaying those feet of YOURS
II you knew what occurred when | took your
shoes down to get mended.u '0N'
nat was 1t? Tell me what it was tell me
wnat II was this minute? | just know it's one of
oh "oA don Z don't mind it aint of any conse-
quence go to Sleep"
"But 1t is Of consequence Yop,va ,ot 20 .oI
me you shan,raggravate me this way; won't
60 to sleep till know what it wus.p
On 1t wasn't anything"
MT. Twain, know bettee You're lust do
ing thls to drive me to distraction. What did
sn"s shoemaker say about my shoe? What did
'Well, ifyou must know, he--he-however,
it's Of no consequence"
''Mr. Twain"
wen he--he took it and gazed upon it long
time IN silence, and then put his handkerchiefto to
his eyes and burst into tears"
why you born fooll Twain, are you going
stark, staring crazyY
"He just stood there and wept as if his heart
to sleep"
sleep, you unatic I'll never close my ewes
u!I know what that idiot was crying about
and you won either, can tell you that Come?'
"Oh it don't matter"
'Ar. Twain, if you say that again, | saw I'll
make you sorry for it what was that numskull
crying aFout?'
''Well, he--he-"
"We-l-l, he. Out with itl Do YOU want me
to-to-Twain, I'll snatch them pet frinpes off
Till the sides off your heads as bald as the top
of it,"
"Well, he-poor fellow .-he said be dotted on
his tmother-frly dotted on her. She had
nursed him, you know, because his mother was
so feeble, and so-years ago, and first be set up
in the vegetable line, and got along pretty we'll.
and was about to send to England for the old
lady, when hard times came and he got broke.
lie went into fruit them and after that into milk
into all sorts of things, you know but be got
disappointed every time till the present business
fetched him ont at last all right, and he sent
right off for the old woman She landed here
about four weeks ago, but died the very same
night. 1t was hard, very hard after all his wait
ing and toiling for fifteen years, to get her over
here at last and have her die on his hands He
--he--well, be was disgusted. However, be laid
her out and be and his friends sat up with her,
and by and by the memory of her virtues soften~
ed his bitterness and turned it to a tender grief
"A settled melancholy that hung about his spir-
its like pail for many days. However, by pa
tiently striving to keep sad thoughts out of his
mind, he was finally beginning to regain some
of his old time cheerfuness, when your shoe re-
minded him so painfully of his poor sainted
grandmother's coffin"
"Take that, you brute and if you dare to
come back here I'll kick you out again. You
degraded old ruffian ~