The Vinton record. [volume] (M'arthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1866-1891, 1867-02-21

SAOSo anu llOllul uuTlHR III
rest of the morning.
When you are asked to 90 out t
make an evening call, complain q
a very bad headache.
Make it a point never to prais,
any dish on the table, especial,
the one to which you know you,
wife has given her personal atten
ton. Such a course will suppress.
any lurking vanity there may be il
her nature.
When you are in a room togeth
sr. always occupy the most com
Portable seat, after having offered il
to her in such way that she can't
with any propriety, accept it.
Give her the choice of any dish
you are carving, after having re-
peatedly informed her what parts
you yourself prefer.
Keep her in perfect ignorance as
to the condition of your business,
although she is as deeply interest,
ed in it as you are, and no injury
can result to it by your telling her
all about it. BY keeping it to
yourself you have the satisfaction
of feeling that you are superior to
her because you know what she
does not.
II from any cause you are de-
tained at home, and find the time
heavy on your hands, it may be that
your wife is interested in a novel
that she is about half through with.
Take it from her as if you wished
merely to glance att; sit down and
read it by the hour. She, in the
meantime, may amuse herself with
sewing.
If you do not keep a carriage,
and your wife tells you that she
and the children need an airing,
tell her to wait for the death of one
of her friends, when she may ride
to the funeral free of cost.
If any OF your wife's relatives
come to stay at the house, let the
high price of provisions be the sole
topic OF conversation in their hear
ing; but borrow all the money you
can from your father-in-law, and if
he keeps a carriage never dream of
getting one yourself
When you wish to make your
wife a present, buy something that
is absolutely necessary about the
house, and never let slip an oppor-
tunity of making her thank you
for it.
Whenever you are sick enough
to lay up at home, exaggerate your
symptoms, and make your wife be-
lieve you are going to die. If she
has any heart at all, she will nurse
you better for it.
Once after Sheridan had lost at
play all the money he had last bar
rowed, and was passing out into
the street, feeling in vely bad bu-
NOR, he saw a poor fellow stopping
down to tie his shoe. So what
should he do but kick the man ov-
er on his face, with the remark,
"D-n you, you are alaCay8 tying
your shoes!" When man is in a
bad humor, it is a great reliet to
him to find some object on which
he can vent his wrath without run
ming any personal risk. A married
man will always find such an object
in his amiable wife. Whenever
you feel worried about anything,
abuse your wife: it will be a great
relief to you. And when she ap
pears before company with eyes red
from weeping, assume the most af-
tectionate manner, and chide her
for going out shopping on such a
raw, windy day.
There! we are certain we shall
have the heartfelt thanks of all
wives that chance to peruse the
above (Which, however, is intended
solely for their husbands), and that
is the only boon we crave. Next |
Sunday we shall probably take up
cudgels in behalf of husbands, by |
laying down directions for wives
and follow them with rules by |
which children may regulate their
conduct toward their parents.