davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

The other day town cricr took in charge a
lost child, and proceeded to hunt up his IA
rents On being asked by lady what the m
ter was, he replied q Here an orphan chll
Madam, and I'm trying to find its palcnts
Old Bill Force, sporting celebrity in New
York, and now over sixty years of age. ran
seven miles in fifty seven minutes and a half,
on Monday week, on a wager of $4OO that he
could not do the distance in an hour
A story is told of young man who WIS
crossed in love and attempted suicide recently
by taking dose of yeast powder. He immc-
diately rose above his troubles.
hate to hear people talking behind ones
back, as the robber said when the constable
was chasing him and crying, Stop thief. y
DR.. johnson, being once asked whether he
was in the habit of saying nee-ther or ni.ther.
very lacOnically replied "nay-thur. y
Public spirited-Young ladies who allow
their fathers house to be used as q court
house.
Somebody says wife should be like a roast
ed lamb-tender and nicely dressed. A scamp
adds, And without any sauce"
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

by concerted arrangement with the host
Col. J., the embryo orator was asked for a
song and recitation, which were the life Of the
evenings entertainment. The Col. the next
day, learning the circumstance of John, gave
him substantial proof of his appreciation.
The next incident related by B. was John
first temperance Iccture-opened by prayer by
Rev. DIR. d. The same night John got on
spree and brought up at Agile Company No.
6s engine house, where he burlesqucd his own
previous effort as we'll as the prayer of the
reverend gentleman who had invoked bles-
sing. But the ice was broken, John had dis
covered his = gift, but it was sometime after
that he found his Emission" 1t was some
years before he came absolutely steady and
temperance lecturer by profession His name
is now a household word on both sides of the
Atlantic, and his triumphs as an orator have
never been surpassed, in his peculiar style and
line. Twelve hundred dollars in gold for
single speech This beats the earnings of the
leaders of the bar, popular preachers, and stars
OF the stage, and eclipses all Greek and Roma n
fame.-N Y. Sun.
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21
Cough, the Lecturer.
"REMINISCENCES OF HIS EARLY LIFE.

A gentleman in this city gives us some remi-
nlscences of this famous man, who, it is we'll
known, has seen q great deal Of viclssitude
eating the bread of poverty and passed through
all miserable phases of drunkard's s career
until by reformation he has risen to the high
est pinnacle of contemporary fame, eclipsing the
splendor of the stage and senate by the magic
creations of his genius. Our informant, now
IN middle life, well recalls the timo when
John" was poor and trlendless boOkbinder
in Newburryport, Mass, in the employ of Mr..
Tilton, living from hand to mouth consorting
with fre-laddies, the victim OF jolly ben
ders' and desperate straits. He recolected
one summer night OF sitting on the steps ofSt.
Paul s church, when John came Sauntering
along with doleful face lost the last friend he
had in the world They fell into conversation;
and John then told his pathetic story of the
bad luck which had dogged his heels from
childhood. Mr.. B., as we will call our intor-
mant, was moved by the piteous tale, and be-
stirred himself to make some friends and busi-
ness for John, taking him magazines to bind,
ETC. There was a debating club in the town
called the Cicero" of which b. was a mem
Der with other choice spirits, some of which
have since bAcome distinguished in different
walks of life. B. invited John one night to
drop in he thought at first he was not good
enough for such associations, but he was final
ly prevailed upon to do SO. After the several
members had spoken theil pieces, b. called on
John, and with much reluctance he recited the
"Sailor Boys Dream" and with such dra-
matte effect as overshadowed all competition
and electrified the house. B. then pursuaded
John to repeat the story he had told him on
the church steps, and he complied, much to
the delight Of his auditors. Soon after this
brilliant party was given in town, and our
fellow citizen secured an invitation for John,
who was taken quite aback at such social re-
cogntion. b. and his friend eked out Johns
scanty wardrobe, to make him pressntabe, and,
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21
POET r Y
No, Thank You, John"

never said loved you, John:
Why will you tease me, day by day,
And wax weariness TO think upon
With always "do" and "pray?"
You know / never loved you, John:
No fault of mine made me your toast:
Why will YOU haunt me with face as wan
AS shows an hour-old ghost?
dare say Meg or Mol would take
Pity upon you if you would ask:
And pray don't remain single for my sake
Who can't perform that task.
have no heart Perhaps have not
But then you're mad to take offense
That / don't give you what have not got:
Use your own cOmmon-sense.
Let by y-gones be by-gones:
Don't call me false, who owed not to be true
I'D rather answer mo" to fifty Johns
Than answer "Yes" to you.
Let's mar our pleasant days no more,
Song'birds of passage, days of youth:
Catch at to-day, forget the days before
I'll wink at your untruth.
Let us strike hands as hearty friends;
No more, no less; and friendships good
Only don't keep in view ulterior ends,
And points not understood
In open treaty. Rise above
Quibbes and shufling off and on
Here's friendship for you if you like; but love-
No, thank you, John.
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21
WHOLE NO. G54

No OTHER COUNTRY BETTER THAN OUR
owN.-The editor Of the Montgomery (Ala)
Sentinel has been visited by one Of party of
disgusted Alabama citizens who retired to Bra
I'll at the conclusion of the civil war, III pursuit
OF life and happiness. Their experience has
been anything but satisfactory, and all are
completely disguised with Brazil, and are con-
tent like sensible people, to remain in Ala
bama
Captain Steanfeld, who is an old and prac-
tlcal man and farmer, gives minute and in
terestlng account OF his experience and Obser-
vatlons In the great Empire, Of which such
glowing accounts have been published, and the
result OF his experience with that country, is,
that he intends to remain in Alabama. His
account OF the miserable condition of the hun
dredS of poor Americans who have been deIu-
ded to go. to that country is anything but
t1atterlng. There are numbers of Alabamians
in Brazil without money, and no means with
which to return home. 1t is proposed to raise
money by subscription and send for them.
BLACK ANGELS short time before the
French Revolution the mania for liberty was
manifested many times by the excessive pro-
lection given to the negroes
Among the tavOriteS Of this color was one
young fellow who enjoyed the reputation of
being a good artist. Bonaparte being First
I
lection in regard to a picture which he wished
to place before the public, but it had been
criticized so much that he dare not show it
without the favor and sanction of the Consul
Bonaparte manifested a desire to see it, and it
was accordingly brought into his presence
The painting represented the Eternal Faith
er, the Virgin and the son Of God, surrounded
by angels, but all were black At seeing it
BOnaparte was unable to contain himself, and
burst into loud laugh. The artist vindicated
himself, saying:
The whites believe that black skin is a
mark of intamy by which the descendants of
Cain are condemned; we, on the contrary be-
lieve that the white skin was given to men as
a curse: You believe that God and the angels
are white, and why should We not believe that
they are white?"
You have an indisputabe right to make
them so, and to paint as many black angels as
you chOos,, replied the Consul but, when
they ae completed, the best use you can make
OF them Is to send them to the islands of st.
Domingo
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

A negro lately gave his idea Of faith Z as n God
promises, in the following Ntnd wopJS dore and saw
brick wall and dc hGrG 10% ne to 20 ut' to dat
I? me, t,o ;no to saw. Lord, can't got nuf.
an sn to s%"S6 sGo BOUT ST iy it. All have to do about it
to ln butt IT, agin it, and its de Lords business to
put me troo'
A correspondent speaks of young lady at
one % Of # the watering places who has been nine
teen for FIVE seasons
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

BOUQUETS. Ts.-The following may be of inter
est to the ladies'
When you receive bouquet sprinkle it
lightly with fresh water; then put it in a yes
sci containing soap suds; this will nutrity the
stem and keep the flowers as bright as new
Take the bouquet out of the suds every morn,
ing and lay it sideways (the stock enterng hrstl
into clean water. Keep it there a minute or
two, then take it out and sprinkle the mowers
lightly by the hand with water; replace II IN
the soap suds and will bloom As Iresa as %mgH
gathered. The soap suds need changing every
three or four days
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

Telegraph Office-Fond Wife-(to telegraph
operator)-Oh, sir! want to send kiss to
my husband in Liverpool How can do it
Oblging Operator Easiest thing in the
world, ma am. You've got to give it to me
with ten dollars, and I'll transmit it right
away.
Fond Wife-If that's the case, the directors
ought to put much younger and handsomer
men in your position.
Operators Indignation was creat.)
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

GOOD FOR COLD NIGHTS. The following is
a report OF the proceedings of the Boston Po-
lice Court ON Wednesday, Jan 18th, last:
thin weak looking man, answering to the
name Of John Dolanl, was charged with as
saultng his wife, Bridget a stout woman with
saturuinc face 4Ad masculine arms.
Clerk" Are you guilty or not guilty?'
John-lIook ut my head where She has
struck me- Its little comfort | We had since |
married her
Bridgct-IIear the baste. Is it for this l
give him me vargin love?
John-To the divil pitch it.
Constable Lcighton-Si-l-e-n-c-e
Bridget-Ye'll hurt yerselt young man, ifye
yell the likes Of that.
The officer subsidies, and the examination n
continues.
Bridget (IIurriedly an unhappy wo-
man am, and its sorry | am that | got mar
ried. If girls only knew the treatn cnt they
receive after the weddin, old maids they die,
long life to en-.
John-Amen-more's the pity
Bridget-lts threatened am night and NOR
nin'-one day he says he Ii rip me up, and an
uther day that he'll knock me down. What
am to do?
Johu-(Suddenly and hopefully)--Lave me.
Bridget-(S Spitetully Not a bit oft What
would | do for husband?
John MOodilyl-The divil only knows,
don't.
Bridget-IIe's bad as bad can be, but he $
better than nothing cold nights.
john SarcaSticaly) Am [?
The Cxsrt here intertered and as John re-
questedM4 to get witnesses, to show that he
was the ESured party, the case was postponed.
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

ASLEEPY DE.-The New Orleans Cres-
scent gets the following from one Of the Sisters
of Charity at hospital in that city:
Sister Mary gave an account of singular
marriage that took place during the morning
in the chapel. Sometime ago the newspapers
announced that young man had attempted to
commit suicide in town by shooting himself.
He was taken to the Hotel Dicu, and it was
feared the wound was mortal, but with the
care he received he was out of danger in few
days The cause of his attempt to destroy
himself then became known. He was in love.
His inamorata had promised three times to
marry him and disappointed him every time.
The last time was too much, and bullet, aim
ed at the heart was to end his misery. The
cruel lady visited him at the hospital, and
there she pledged herself to him again. The
ceremony was to have taken place at 8 o'clock
yesterday morning. The lady again failed
The expectant groom was in wretched state
of mind, until he received message from her
that she had oversight herself, and would be
with him at II o'clock. At that hour she was
there, and the ceremony took place.
"Only think" said Sister Mary, "of a
bride sending word that she had oversight her
Selfpi
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

JUVENILE PHILOsoPHY.-Asa a remarkable
instance Of fial affection and juvenile philoso-
ply We present the following: A lad of twelve
or thirteen years Of age was directed to hasten
to the Residence of physician, as his father
needed medical assistance He found Escua-
Plus at home, taking his siesta, and woke him
up with
Doctor, want you to come and see dad
he's dyin'."
".Well,' said the doctor, Z" if he's dying
can do any good.
That so - rejoined the boy" he'll be
dead in less than an hour and, turning on
his heel he added: well, by ling, we've all
got to die some time or other, aud dad might
as we'll die now as any time.
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21
Profits,
Specialities.
MEDICAL TREATMENT.

Calculations extensive and reliable data, show
decreased rate of mortality uuder what is known as
ths Homeopathic system Of medicine. Therefore
We make deduction Of ten per from table rates
upon each payment of premium by those habltually
using this mode of treatment. IN case of medical
practice being changed, thereafter full rates will be
charged In order that injustice may be done to
those preiering other schools Of medicine all appOr
tOnsent of pro6Is under reduced rates, will be sepa
ralelY made.
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21
LOVES YOUNG DIFFICULTY.

Upon the timber ridge she stood
That spans the water n.ar the wood,
A maiden innocent and good.
The day was bright, the moAth was Nav.
The trisky lambs around were sporting,
We both were young, and youth, they say,
Youth is the time tor courting.
She paused, word might make her stay
| would that she were here to-day!
spoke not and she passed away
ou laugh, no doubt and deem me cold,
That i'll my arms did not fold hor;
The reason? was ten years old,
And she was ten wears ollerl
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

The horses at some OF the England watering
places are severely scared by the aspect of tho
lady bathers in their bathing dresses. Some
of the costumes AMI few of the wearers arc
fearfully and wonderfully made. As the Bos-
ton Post says, Even the brute creation can't
endure the spectacle -
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

JOSH BILLINGS CLOSES OUT HIS LIGHT
WARES. If you want tew buy repentance at
the highest market price, invest IN tlte boots.
| had rather be receiver Ov stolen goods
then the keeper ov other folks sekrets.
Everybody ought to be obliged tew rite his
own epitaf, and then, if he filled the bill while
living hav hz tombstun indorSed with 1t after
he waz dead.
never new a very hansum women engaged
In the "w wOmans rites blzlnlss they kan
play the kards they alreddy play tew better ad
vantage.
After awl the philosophy I can kram up, /
sumtimes git disgusted with life. 1t seems to
be but an uncertain vicktory over base pash-
ions that even a mule don't hav.
Men are perfektly deted in being cheated
until they discover the way the thing IL dun,
and then they are disguSted not with the fraud,
but the loss ov novelty.
1t is kurious fact that with world full ov
pleasure, our principal enjoyment is in hope.
There IL only wun modification THAT | kan
remember now, in being rich, and that IL you
are tlattered before yoar face, and abuzed be-
hind it.
| hav alwas considered abstract dogs good
thing, but | kOuld never appreciate the utter
necessity of keeping woodkok dog in a thick
ly settled city exclusively on pOrter-hOuse steak,
when there WASH t a live woOdkok within 23O
miles Ov me, but there IL plenty Ov folks who
kan, which shows how little know about it.
L am loudly in favor of new things, but am
oppOZed to emmy man, even wun Oy our colored
associates, thinkin' he has discovered new
truth jist because he haz, for the first time i'll
his life, stumbled into an old one.
| should be ashamed ov misef to say harsh
word against the noble animal-the hoss but
| haven't been able tew see that it is best tew
let the breed ov mankind run out jist for the
sake Ov gettin' hoss that kan trOt in =. l6.
| hav noticed that those persons who have
the keenest sense Of misery, hav also the
brightest visions Of joy; but there is sum folks
whom even mOlaSses handy won't make hap
py, nor even musketeers worry.
| don't think there IL emmy more excuse for
kecpin Shanghigh rooster, than their IL in
keepln' a horse thatyou We got tew back up tew
a second story window to put the crOOpcr on.
1t is astonishing how very small they ware
their pantalunes i'll Broadway; but | notice the
pantalunes are plenty zig enuif for the legs.
When | see an old miser in the midst oV his
wealth, | kOnsider him just about az happy az
a fly who haz fell into quart bowl OF molas-
ScZ and kant git out.
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21

BEGENNING EARLY" My son, said New
Brunswick schoolmaster to his son Bob ons
day, why do you stand there against that
rlckety old gate while you study your multiple
cation table?' Because, sir, the bible tells
us to prop. gate and multiply, and mean
said his father; but it seems to me you are
beginning early"
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21
SAGE ADVICE,

Oh let no man, in desperate mood,
Wed dull girl because she's good.
And let no woman, in her plight,
Wed man because he's bright.
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21
Peculiar Advantages.
Rates.

Except the "Term" table, The rates are ali ,pitb
profits, and are calculated as low figure as past
experience has demonstrated to be ample based upon
the highest rate of mortality any lowest of inter-
est. Here arises
Profits.
And as the assured are the Company, among them
tho snIs profits. excepting the annual servaiion are
annually divided and placed the credit of the policy
holder. to be redeemed at the end of the third wear
upon the payment of premium then due The DiUl-
dsnds are available either cancelng notes-or max.
lag additions to the face value of pocy-or term IN.
surance-Or 10 Of having paid up ON the tenyear
plan, in cash.
In addition to the above the Atlantic Mutual pre-.
senIs The following
Smyrna times., 1867-08-21
THE
ATLANTIC MUTUAL
Life Insurance Go.
ALBANY, N. ".
ROBERT II. PRUYN, President,
JAMES IENDRII,K Vice PrssidAr

JAMES IENDRICh, VICE PfesIdent,
This Company is organized under the laws OF the
State New York with a apital slOck of OOOO. OF
this sum pJ0tli is deposited with the Insurance
Department Of New York. as pledge for all polices is
sned. As ADDITIONAL SECURITY ior the paw.
ment OF losses ample fund reserved and annually
reported 10 the Insurance Department liability of
the Company This POLICY RESERVE FUND is
determined by the Department. upon the basis of such
fixed rats of interest has heretofore proved more
than ample 10 meet the claims as they occur These
requslIIons have made the life insurance companies
Of New York. models for the world and the Insurance
Department OF New York, is thus everywhere recog-
nIzed.
The stability Of all New York Companies being
thus fully provided for. the ATLANTIC MUTUAL
relies for Its share of confidence and support upon
sound and economical nagement and the following
The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-11-30
PORTLAND AND N. Y.
Company
rRI.wEEKLY LINE.

THE ans steamer DIRlG0, Capt.
1 u. sasRwooD. fRANCoSiA, TsPt.
kA&SkASk 6 s. Csa:. jSss.os, viii,
until further notice, run - follows
Leave Gairs Wharf. Portland, every wsdnss'
dsy THURSDAY and Saturday. ct 4 o'clock r. NJ,
And ieAys Pier d East River. New York every
Monday. Wednesday and Saturday, stt o'clock
.rM ,.
The Dirigo and FrAneouis are lifted up With me
..eam moi stions for passengers, making this the
most speedy, safe and comfortable route Tor tfsv-
sl,r. hstvee New York and Maine.
Passage, In state Room, $500. CABIN pasSgs'
Goods forwarded BY this line TO sne nom Mon
tresi, Quebec, Bangor. Bath, Augusta, Eastport
SUMMER are requested to send their Freight to
The steamer as carly as Up. 81. on the day that
thew leave Portland.
Por Freight or Passage apply 70
EMERY q FOX, 6Alts Wharf. poftiand.
J. y. AMEs, risr u East River, New YORK.
August %, 1897.
The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-11-30

LiaHr SCENE IN A BoARDISG lloUsE.-
A lady, whose husband is IN California.
Calcuttn, or Chicago, suddenly awakened
IRON her sleep the other morning, about
two o'clock. and sprinsing from her led,
dashed out Of her room, en- dishabile.
screaming at the top OF her voice, "Mur.
der! ficlp Murder! Man In my room,"
etc., etc. Under the circumstances this
wns quite naiiirnl, inasmuch ns more than
one mistake Of this kind had happened in
the house recently. Now, il appeared that
no less tlrun thr.c husbands were absent
when they should have bcen there, and
consequently there was inore or less Of
wonder, mixed with species Of npprrhcn.
sion on The pan Of three wives, ench one
wondering whether il WINS her husband
who had thus forgotten himself OF the
room.
"Oh, come up quickly" shouted tho ter.
riicd female, holding on to tho outside
door. knob, +" I've gut him in"
"lf it's my Joscy," snid another discon.
solate, {. I'll learn him letter. Conioun'i
these night suppen, now he's been at one
OF them and las mistaken the room, and
there I've been alone all night" :.
"fias he got whisken ?" auxiously asked
the vita upon reaching the landing on the
upper floor.
"Yes, ns'am, great bushy wh,skerS lay:
Ing right along side Of my cheek when ]
awoks. Dear me, if my Alexander wns
here, he'd lsam him better, Ill warrnnt
you"
aJoseph Joseph. Josey" shouted the
wife at tho door.
The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-11-30

Years War" BY many the biblical His.
tory Of the World" is divided into seven
periods. The Roman Catholics believe
that there are seven sacrnments, all insti'
tuted by Christ. They also believe that
there are seven deadly sins
The precepts Of Noah wcrc seven in
number. In the York Rite Masonry there
arc seven degrees. AZ there were In the
Persian PI,ilosophic Rite, and the Rite of
Zinnendorf. The seven sciences Of an.
tquiiy, or liberal arts,
aspi many secrts mcrs.
The Masoas taught In days f yore.
There were Seven Wise Men Of Greece,
called the " Philosophical Pleiad." Seven
celebrated persons constituted the "First
Literary Pleind," and seven Cl'arlemagne''
PIeiad. Psychologists tell us that our whole
physical structure undergoes complete
change every seven years. That wonder
ful piece Of mechanism, the eye, is. lodged
In n socke, ma'le by the junction Of seven
different bones. There are seven distinct
forms, or kinds, of government. and seven
,lifIeren, classes of rulers. The ruinbow is
formed by the decomposition of white light
into its seven component parts.
In that beautiful little volume Of Jean
lngelow, the pocicss has given us sweet
poem entitled ",he Song of Seven.'
Locklut. in his "Spanisli Ballads hns
given us n melancholy song called the
3Seven Heads" One Of George Augustus
SaIa's peculiar works, n novel Of great
power, is called the Z" Seven Sons OF Mann
mou." Our own Hawthorne hns woven
into story, .one of his strange Thoughts
weirl.like fincies, the unrivallcd creations
of his own fertile brain, sometimes be-
wi,ching, anon sa'ldening, frequently ad'
mirable, and il comes to us, bearing the
title, (" The House of Seven Gables" Jean
lngelow sings the seven ages of woman.
Shakespeare Describes the seven ages Of
men.
The Christians armor, perfect and en-.
tire consists Of seven parts. There are
seven Christian grsces bound together, as
Il were, by charity or love. Seven a'r''
bu,es arc ascrbcd to Christ in the Apoca