davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-02-20
H u Nj OROUS

u y = y ,
The stump orator who declared that
he knew no North, no South, no East,
no West, was told by one of his audi
enee to go toschool and learn geogra-
ply. .e,96 taa4s 1870 no s..is oiag4t
.Azgood instance of absence of mind
was an editor quoting from rival pa
per one of his own articles and head
ing itiis Wretehed attempt at witt I
tTssI am certain; wife, that I am
right, and that you are wr0ng+I will
bet my ears on lit. Z 30 " Indeed, ihus-
band, you should not carry betting to
such extreme lengths" q
How different you soldiers are
from us, . said Arabella to the Cap
tain. with us a conquest only be-
gins, while with you it ends the en-
gagement. 3np87 j e915f Iaai1aI3 ss9l
II Sidney Smith once said that In
England tits regardedas an imperti-
nence for a man with less than two
thousand b "a year ,to have any opinion MOI
- be"ah1gaf gfad. .eia12 sdi 10
A picture in a late number. of
1'@,tcH represents a fashionable young
couple, the husband searching Vigor-
ouslyl in his Haistodati pockets The
wife inquiries Have qyouu lost your
watch, lover? and he replies, = No,
dear; twas a new bonnet I had for
.yoli somewhere un18Y0D % 1tal9fo51
When L came to. this S country >
said an eIiiigrant, II brought several
hundred pdollars inc gold, anda1theg
called me Mr.. Smith ;shut when do was
. B! gone g9Pppe, was was called plaip Uncle
81 i j., saLW4l5 10 44brnm. ply rot
! Why, doctor, Z said q, sick lady,
you are giving me the same medi-
cine that you are giving to my hus-
band Why isithatf9'h HAlIa right"
replied the doctor, giiwhatgis sauce for
the goose is sauce for the ganaers'55lt i
Punch announces as the latest and
best London conundrum: IF you
saw the great Khan Of Tartary laugh
ing fit to kill himself. why might you
be sure he wasn't Tartar 9BiI Because
he would evidently be anseray Khan.2
NJ Paddy, why don't you get your
ears croppedY They areg entirely q to
long for q. man." And yours ire1
piled Pat, ought to be heightened,
They are too short for a mule" ~,
"a am afraid You u viii com come "a.
want said an old lady to a, young
gentleman II have come to watt
readys'3 wasithe reply3FT wand JaaaH
ddapghterr9q zHoL .io9 bus TFo3e
-4aNeger beicriticalsuponth the iadiesy'a
was the maxim of anfoldi Irish peeri
remarkable for his homage to the sex,
@The only way that a true gentleman
ever will attempt to look at the faults
ola pretty iwomanqistosh utahiseyes. "
e+se you are going to- keep Kouse?@
asked aniinquisitive maiden 6fHbridet
girl, 7 suppose. -, .ReaIlyqTT don't.
Know, was the blnshing reply,
whether it will be boy or a girl -
The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-02-20
LYONS
PERIODICAL DROPS,
The Great Female Remedy for :,
49, "a . z - 2 2 = -

'l.a IyTe0uldrities.s sai ID II
T HAVE TESTED THESE DROPS
H. in my own practice, over ten years,
and do not hesitate togsay that nothing
has been developed by medical research
that acts SO powerfully, positively, and
harmlessly, In cases of female irreg uIardty,
as does this medicine. In I'll recent cases
1t never fails, while thousands VINO have
been long sufferers are indebted 10 it for
the boon of health to-day nA s9ltf{spaFAt
Although SO powerful and positive, they
are perfectly harmies and may bensed at
all times, except when specially forbidden
in-the Instructions. s.w-rrws.a
To all who suffer from any irPegularity,
painful, difficult, excessive, Offensive or
INSTRUCTED menstruatfon, Leucorrhna, or
the train of diseases that follow. Il would
say try a bottle of DIR. Lyons French
periodical Drops. Being fluid prepare
ton, their action is more direct and posi-
tive than any pills or powders. Explicit
directions, bearing my fac-simile, accom-
They may be obtained Of nearly every
druggist in the country, or by inclosing
the price to. g. sG. CLARK a. co. New Ha.
ven, Conn.,, General Agents for the United
States and Canada. Price 81 so per bottle,
.3sa - DIR. JOHN LYON -NSTg'
PracticinE Physician
dec3 dem kstSi5As New Haven. Conn. T
The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-02-20

A lady meeting a little urchin on
the street. thus accosted him. ! MY
son, why .don'tyo1 go home and have
your mother sen up that gFeathQl in =
your trousers sssfs : You get out, !"
said the youngster,r@s our folks are at
the sewing circle making up flannel
shirts for the poor african heathens.,
IA lady about to marry. was warned
that her intended, although a good
man, was very. eccentric. ~ I" Well,iG'l
she said, If he is very unlike other
men, he is the more likely to he a
good HUSBAND aaaiAedqsfU b9iaIIp9l
4 mother admopishing her son, q
lad of some seven years of age, told
him he should never defer TIL to-
morrow what he could do to-day
The little urchin replied: la5Ss haDs
mother, let's eat the rest of the plum
pudding tonight, fa1Ia u VII
A traveller at Pennsylvania ho
tel got out of his bed one night to
see what sort Of weather it was, but
instead of looking out upon the. sky,
thrust his head through the glass
window of cupboard Landlord,
shouted the guest, what sort OF
weather do you call Athis?i The night
Is as dark as Egypt, and smells ike
A seyentyears old was reproved
lately for playing outdoors with boys.
She was too big for that now: But
with, the greatest innocence she re-
piled: Why, grandma, the bigger
we get the better we like EN-.
Grandma had nothing further to say
The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-02-20

A Democratic exchange Says 4Mr.
Johnson goes ahead with his policy,
like the resistless river And like
river, suggests the q a bany Journal,
he is greatest at the mouth. bsaoi Il s
An Irishman having been told that
the price of bread had FALLEN, ex-a
claimed: THAT is, the first time +
liver rejiced atEthe fall of my best
friend ~ pniS.ft ssoA iAo q ss.sssre2,9,9 ,
The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-02-20

OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES Grant
arm OF Liant Bros. &, Co., has associated
himself with B. Dyson, and is now pre-
Jared 10 carry on the building business in
that by strict attention to business they
will be able to- give general satisfaction,
and would therefore solicit a share fprb-
lie patronage. All job-work done with
neatness and dispatch. Shop on Main
street, between Seventh Il and Eighth
streets. Post ONCE box Sill. Special atten-l
ton given to heavy and in tr1eate framing.
f THOS. GRANT a.
lens. eih osiaB" B. DYSON - 49,
The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-02-20

:" The politicians have thrown me
overheard, PAsaidia disappointed poll
tician. /" but have strength, enough;
to swim to The other side. DIS 7'DAol
What part of scripture do two Ia
dies fulfil when they kiss each other2i
Doing unto others as they would that
men should unite them as DsFk D
II want to buy sewing machine"
said an elderly lady entering the shop.
do yon wish d machine with Teller"
inquired the clerk. Sakes, mol |
don't + wait anyrof yen 9ellaFs about
Perhaps ourgeaders have not heard
of the widow who, Sitting fnedftativelX
by cheerful fire after her husbands
disease, sighed out, Poor fellow
how he did like a good frelg Iphope
he has gone where they keep good
fires" esss,4go,l. E4o ss9W pes
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04

REPUBLICAN VIcroRY.-The Rcpub.
licans carried Keokuk yesterday,
electing Timberman Mayor, over
Billy Patterson the present incum
bent; Capt. Wilson, Recorder; and
only lost the Marshalship by q tri-
ding vote, with two republican can
didates running against one demo.
crat for the same office.
Patterson and Timberman are
members Of an old and highly re-
spectacle firm in Keokuk; both mon
OF irreproachable personal character.
Patterson has always been regarded
as :nvinciblc and consequently his
party have had him up for office, or
in Office, most ofthc time for twenty
i've years past. At this election tho
republicans concluded 20 run his
partner, Bill Timberman, and, of
course, they arc duly -elsted over
their snocsss. ta !
The question about "who struck
Billy Patterson 2" may now be ro-
,ssardcd as permanently settled.
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04

THE New ERA.-The humorousar.
fist of Harper's Weekly has good hit
at the New Era, said to have been
recently inaugurated in South Caro-
lima, where Wade Hampton,and 9TH
er distinguished Rebs. spoke from the
samestandwith tie Rev Beverly Nash
and other colored orators, and where,
according to the reports, they organ
lied q mutual admiration society,
Hampton protesting that he was
then and always had been in favor
Of Negro Suffrage, whilo the gentle
men from Africa on their part asked
Congress to remove the disability
6rom Massa Hampton and othors
like him from holding Office.
The artist represents Genl. Hamp,
ton with his sombrero hat, and on
enormous peacock feather sticking
in it, his cotton whip in his pocket,
slightly retired, and enormous Mex
lean spurs, s.iuting ashrewd loo .sinp
and influential colored voter, "Oi
course you'll dine with me on Thurs
day 7" Colored voter replied, "not on
Phnrsday AIAasa HamrtA-, - u'--..-
day Use promised TO sleep with Mas
81 Pinckncy." a m ifs
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04
SCOTT COUNTY.

We have. received the premium
list and regulations oftbo 18th an
nual fair OF the Scott County Agri,
cultural Society, TO be held at Daysn,
port, . to 18th of Sept. next. inclu.
sive.
It is = large sized pamphlet, and the
premiums are open to al the world
and The rest of mankind, amounting
te the liberal aggregate Of six thou.
eand dollars. -. H. ds8 4
Here is .enterprisc and liberality for
you, which ought to put our Wapello
County Farmers to the blush.
u Men and brethren in the public
language Of Artemas Ward why is
it thus p
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04
Hartford Anil

hartford, April l.
The following Is the vote Of Hart,
ford ~ Hawley, 2746; English, 32I6.
Majority for English last year 479,
Hubbard, Democrat, has q majority
for Congress of 5O7. Deminr &
defeated by about zoo ma
jority.
Detroit, April l..
The vote cast to-day was very
light, Republicans generally sue
ccssful and will eject their State tick,
ct and a majority Of delegates to the
constitutional convention, This CITY
gives small Republican majority.
The county is carried By the demo,
Gratis. tsA3 e sse
Norwich, April /.
Norwich for Governor-Hawlev
1444;; English, 1875. For Congress-.
144s; Martin Ills.
..s!f @sss!jt. ST. Louis, Apr! 2. )
The election passed off quietly 10.
day. Jos. s. Thomas, Radical. was
elected Mayor BY, about 1900 major
lty. The vote was light. -,
Another large sum was suhscribed
Today to rebuild the Lindeu I HoteL
si.g. Kcnosha, April 2.
At tho city election today M. H
Petit, Republican was elected Nav
)r.
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04
COMMISSIONER OF AGRrcTJL.
TURE.

= ~ 4SAAs
One of the most Inappropriate and
unfortunate appointments made, by,
Mr.. Lincoln, was that Of Isaac New
ton - Commissioner Of Agriculture.
He 10 . porty, pompous, alderman
ic looking old coz ger, with many
more bowels than brains, who spells
corn, cabbage, ETC., "with a k" and
whose principal recommendation for
the high and responsible position. re-
curing really u thorough and scien-
tiic education-was said to be that
he was the FIRST man to supply Mrs
Lincolil's table with the early spring
vegetables, and that estimable lady
having no doubt read Dryden's coup
let that 81 ,al ~ stl Il &ggi
50 "Ho who governs Freeman
Should himself be free, !"
e And Pope.s ),
"That he who drives fat oxen
Should himself be fat 7aiss
Supposed naturally that he who
should properly preside over the ag.
tricultural bureau must himself know
how to raise early and big cabbages
interccded with Mr. Lincoln and he
was appointed. .15
| Andrew johnson has just removed
him, not however. on account Of hil
notorious incompetency, but on &C
count Of what is . greater offence II
the eyes Of his excellency, to wit; hi
intense loyalty and refusing TO max,
his bureau . lying in hospital for thu
Johnson club and his propogatint
gardens, nurseries to propo gait
Johnsonism in and has appointed til,
notorious alphabet Kennedy, perm
anent barnacle on the body polite
who was chief Of the Census Burea,
under Pierce and Buchanan, and
particular pet and protege OF Jaco'
Thompson Mr.. Buchanan's Sec
retary of the Interior. alsias "a
I We're it not for the confirmation Q
Steadman and other kindred spirit'
one would suppose that this Radica
!! Republican Senate would reject Ken
! nedy. Ia the lightof many recentdi
!, graceful combinations he has muc
!, hope, Of one thing Congress may be a
sured, however, and that is That til
: country would vastly prefer the 10,
. al but ignorant old pumpkin seed
facetiously called the Philosophers
Isaac Newton, to the semi.loyal, bu
accomplished J. &C. Kennedy. fo
: any Office. 5,a.,.
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04

Z
Its ANNOUNCED in our Washington
dispatches that it is probable that
Hon. VIM. Z. Chandler, Asst Sec'y
Of the Treasury, win be nominated
Minister 20 Vienna, where VIC, are
not now represented, ] .Lathrop Mot
Icy having succumbed to the 'ilnper.
|tinent espionage Of McCracken.
Mr.. Chandler 10 one Of the, coming
young men Of New England, having
been prominent lawyer and politi.
clan Of Now Hampshire, and Solici.
tor for tho Navy Department prio,
to his appointment TO his present po
sition which he has filed with sigma
ability. Hs ID, = radical Republican
and would undoubtedly be confirmed
by the Senate, and will make = faith
full and creditable representative .
the Austrian court. a la-a st
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04

Orr You've FoLKs.--This beauti-
full and popular young folks maya
zine for Apri, is IN our table. It is
replcte as usual, with tho most at
tracive and healthy mental food for
.otng Ieop'e By the,ablcst writ, ].
in. the country, while thaiIlustrations
by Eytinge and others arc 10 the
highest style Of the art Published
by Ticknor 4 Fielde, Boston. I'D
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04

the remarkable speech made by Gen.
Butlerin the House Iof Representa-
tives on Tuesday: 2.
i Mr.. Butler Rep, Mass.) asked and
obtained unanimous consent to make
q personal explanation, the time be.
ing limited TO fifteen minutes. He
stated that he had caused to be plac.
ed an the desk of each member q
copy Of Mr. Bingham's speech the
other day on the personal discussion
with himself, showing = parallel
columns the speech as it appeared in
the manuscript Of the reporters and
the speech as published in the Globe.
The speech rs written contained $50
words; AZ printed it contained Loaf
words, and in the reporters manu-
script there were 282 erasures and
alterations. He (Butler) had under
stood the rule to be that in aperson.
al debate member had no right to
make any changes unless they were
submitted to the member affected by
them. That rule had been vio-
lated in this case. In the matter
thus intercorporated was this sen.
tcnre: "W hat does the gentleman
(meaning Butler3 know Of the eyi.
dence in the case, and what does ho
care for the evidence when he. thus
assails tho official conduct of those
men who constituted tho Court?''
He { Butler) would state the evidence
on which he had made the other dav
the statement that Mrs. Surratt was
improperly convicted He held in
his hand tho printed report Of the
trial, and had examinedit with great
care, because this was no sporadic
thought Of his. It was the result Of
careful, anxiousinvcstigation for al.
other anda different purpose to see
whowerein thegreat conspiracy. The
gentleman (Bingham) said that he
was the advocate on the part Of the
United States on that trial. That
was . great mistake. He was the
special Judge Advocate, whose SOL
emn duty it was to protect the
rights Of the prisoner as well az
those Of the United States, and to
sum up the evidence and state the
law. But there was one piece Of evil
denee within the gentleman's Ding
ham's) knowledge which he had not
produced on that most momentons
trial. When Booth was captured BY
Lieut.. Col. Conger, there was, said
Mr.. Butler, taken from his pocket 8
diary, like the one / now hold ia my
hand, (holding up . small, morocco
covered pocket daryl in which he
(Booth) set down day BY. day his
plans, histhoughts, his motives and
his excuses. That diary was put In
TO the possession of tho Government,
but it was not laid before the Mill
Lar, Commissions, although tho ken-
tleman (Bingham) did lay before the
court Booths tobacco pipe, spur
knife aad other articles found on his
person. The diary was not produc-
I'd. That diary, appears now before
BUR Judiciary Cohmittee, and let
ne say here that / did not obtain myl
Information from that COMMITTEES
With the eighteen pages Of entries
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04

and SIZES.
Pumps 4 inches. bore and tnbing two
per minute. Pitcher Pumps With iron 81
lead pipe, for wells or cistsrns. sl'' ~ q
VIII holesale rods and pumps as low
Tor cash az Eastern Manufacturers. viii
freight added. 81 ii -7Iss - . -
q VIII keep on hand the very best 81
Wild c.cs~sber Wood P4mps. 'ia
Snnp on "a street west Of Court, sisn %
Big Pump. Residence on corner Of III 4
n1arlOh streets. TWO blocks west OF Court
House. Ott.lmwa, Iowa 5lfl 1
marl3, 1867 dAwy ISL Isl .s9siof st.fs
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04

The ATLANTIC MoHTHLY--For
April has been received containing
the guardian angel. Part FIVE. By
Oliver Wendell Homes.
The restless. A poem. By Hir-
am Rich.
Pioneering. Facts and sugges.
tons that may intend to more Just
appreciation Of President Lincoln's
life and character. By Mrs. Caroline
III. Dali. .a
The United States Sanitary Com
mission. By Rev. Edward Everett
Hale.
Published By TlcENoR & FIELDS,
Boston. sae -,
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04
NOttce-tO Buflr7a,.s

~ Bios Will be received A. the ofios of the i
,ss7 n ortne District Court until April 10Th
r ~; s9l puttng = new roof on County.
a. Clerks otfiee ut Court House. $50 !.
..sl Z, NJ COOLEY Clerk, NC. ai
March 23-dtd. a .fgss HI
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04
Commissioning.

During the early part Of the i'm
prisonncnt Of JEFF. Davis, we heard
much about his "feeble condi-
ton" and our readers will remember
the orders given by that fankey pris-
on Commander, Miles at the instance
Of his Enthusiastically smaller satellite
DR.. Cravens, wherein he ordered the
beat on which the sentinel paced in
front Of the comfortable quarters,
provided for the illustriousS State pris.
oner should be carpeted withmatting
SO that the tramp, tramp, ofthe faith
full guard should not disturb his Fee
bic and sensitive nerves. Our read
ers will also recall the terrible car
toon Of Mast in Harper's Weekly,
caricaturing this exhibition of sickly
sentimentality representing. Davis,
surrounded with every concomitant
ofcomfort and luxury, his wife and
children at his side. Dr.. Cravens
feeling his pulse and STOPPING over
iriD tondvrsy, white Gen. Miles and
Secretary; McCulloch, werc in the
back ground looking on mournfully
and both apparently ready to blub.
Der out on tho slightest intimation
Of y change for the worse in their
delicate and interesting patient
While the reverse ofthis picture, con.
tanned scenes from Andersonville,
where tho poor squalled MANNED ma
MACS were being shot down as they
crawlcd up to the dead line to get a
coveted bone or perchance stick of
wood that lay just beyond that fatal
lire of dcmarcation, the heaping of
the dead into carts like sardines in a
box, .nd many other revolving scenes
Of barbarity practiccd upon our un-
fortunate prisoners.
Well this kind treatment and high
living and delicate attention, Of the
Surgeon has not been without graft
flying results. a'
+ The faithful hereabonts will be re-
joiced to hear that lady Davis present
cd her husband with q fine bow re-
Gently and may therefore be JUST led
in the inference that be is recovering
from his isfecble condition" and they
will rojoice farther to hear that Sem
ator Wilson Of Massachusetts,, has in
tlpduced . resolution. into Congress
asking for his release on his own re-
cognizanco which will Of course .ulti.
matcly prevail. Who says treason
is not being made odious?
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04

q Hon. ]. B. Grirnall is rscoxarinp
from his severe attack Of Lfysip,
las. .<9sf Ia gffs sf''Y
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04

A S II 2
REaIsrEEs IN BANKRUpTcY.-The
The members Of Congress- from this
District, it is rsportod, have grecom-
'nended the following pcrsbnsin dach
congressional district ~ rGkistsrs
undee the new Bankrupt Law
1st Dist. Col. Bruce; of Keokuk.
Ia !. Price, Of Davenport.
I'd I" Not yet namcd.
4th Col. Anderson, of Monroe.
9th M. L. MCPHERSON, of Whist.
9th Sylvester Bagg, of Waterloo,
81 and I. w. Lowry, Of Boonsboro
i The 9th District il 80 large in ter.
r:tory. that it was thought best to re.
commend two appointments.
IL wild be seen that Col. Dan. An,
derson. Of Abba, is recommended fol
this district, and itlwill be conceded
on all hands that his appointment
would DO one eminently at to be
made. He made fine reputation ia
the army and is coun. ed . good law
The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-04-04

N = ~ 81
they get for one year at So 90 or $50
for every subscriber for 8 months, at
81 90. Here is chance for some en-
terprisiag man TO make IRON, S. 90
to 81 90 per day. Who is the man?
Farmers, yop arc now getting fair
price for. all your produce, aud OF
tumwa is your market, and Of course
you desire to keep posted ii the mar
ket value Of your productions, and
you can only be correctly posted
in the Ottumwa markets by taking
the OTTUMwA COURIER, tho official
city andcounty paper. | M
We publish i'll full in our columns,
the proceedings Of the Board of Su-
pervisors and of the District Court,
and all other local news of interest.
besides the very bost variety Of gen
oral news. Every farmer in the
county is able to take the. COURIER
ut tho above rates and we venture to
ASSERT that it will DO worth more than
double the price paid by him IN one
year. Give yonr home paper your
support FIRST and rest assured II will
be second to none il the country.
] In conclusion We would say to R-
publicana:. thatif you desire to see the
principles prosper for which wefcugbt,
side n side in the feld, or ct thr