The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-05-01
EIIOuETTEs OF GRIEF.


There is nothing in which pecularities and
differences of character show themselves more
strikingly than in the variety of ways in which
people take their griefs. BY griefs, we mean
those sorrows which are the result Of some be-
Teavement. There is no one whose heart is so
dead to all regard for others, or so absorbed by
self-love, that there is not some one object the
loss OF which would plunge him into the most
profound grief. Every one has his tender side,
as we'll as his weak point. Some possess
greater number of interests than others, but
every one has something, husband, wife,
child or q friend which occupies his thoughts
and care, the presence or loss of which makes
life a pleasure or a blank. 1t is quite true that
''the heart knoweth its own bitterness, and
that no one can properly estimate the trials oil
his neghbor, or calculate beforehand how any
one will conduct himself under affliction. You
cannot argue upon it, nor safely draw any III
terences on the subject. 1t is one OF the mystic
res OF the human heart which no one can solve,
and, being so. it Is as unfair as 1t Is narrow
minded to say that this or that person does not
feel so strongly as another because his conduct
or expression does not tally with certain laws
or rules which we may have chosen to lay down
on the matter. 1t is quite possible to argue
both ways on subject OF this KIND; out
il is not safe TO pronounce upon any one as
really deficient in feeling because he does not
act according to our notions of the way in which
we believe that we should ourselves act under
similar circumstances We are not lawgiyers,
and have no right to lay down rules for others
in such matters, especially as they are beyond
the reach of any law.
A great grief often changes the character
80 wonderfully that we are not able to recog-
nize it again. Like veil, 1t hides from our sght
the expression with which we have grown fami'
liar and ale wont to look for; or, like blindness,
it takes the light out of the eyes that used to
shine brightly upon us. We have known ln'
stances of persons who were the gayest oil the
rrhn hn nr0I
make no impression; who have seemed TO live
in the present. and to be the life of the circle in
which they moved; who had no care, no thought
for the morrow; apparently without any special
interests because the whole world was to them
as an instrument of sweet music, which was
always ready to respond to their slightest
touch, and about whom II would have been dltt-
cult 10 predicate what would or would not touch
them. We have known such struck down by an
overwhelming grief. Death laid his hands on
some treasure which they scarcely knew how
much they priced, and Of which they always felt
secure, because it was always there; the reaper
came and carried OFT the flower they loved, and
in moment the heart was frozen, ice-bound
with grief. The sunshine had gone out OF their
lives, and had lett them to grope their way in
the darkness. From that moment they were
changed, transformed almost beyond the power
of recognition.
Others, again, have lived for years in the sell
hsh enjoyment of the blessings which sur
rounded them, have culpably neglected those
who have been the chief ministers to their COM
fort, treating them with selfish indifference, and
showing but little If any regard for their happi-
ness; and when death has deprived them of the
Oompanionship of one whose unselfsh, un.
wearied, and patient love chiefly conduced to
their comfort, they have bewailed their loss in
Ceaseless tears, and have exhibited the most
overwhelming sense of their bereavement, and
have quite taken the world by surprise at their
poignant grief, betokening an affection for
which no one gave them credit. There have
been men of great reserve who feel acutely, but
w n uh OuJa In
not lie on the surface. No one supposes
them to be capable of any great sensibilitY, and
yet they suffer acutely; grief gnaws into their
hearts; they go on their way silently but deeply
mourning over the graves of their dead. Even
they who have been exceedingly demonstrative
in their affection towards a beloved object will
sometimes occasion the greatest surprise to
their friends by the manner in which they be-
have under atflietlon. They Will speak almost
lightly of the dead; will comment upon the last
moments; repeat over again and again the last
words; describe the last looks; and even discuss
the appearance of the body as it lies shrouded
in its coffin. They will speak of themselves
RS "crushed," "annihilated," and "desolate" in
tones and accents inconsistent with such Ian
guage. They will take the greatest personal in
terest in the arrangements for the funeral; will
act as a kind of master of the ceremonies, or
chief undertaken; or will be strict in their in
quiry how everything went off; and will demand
the most exact and detailed account of the pro-
Ceedings of the day, and the remarks that were
made; and will take an evident pride in the
respect that may have been paid to the memory
of the deceased.
Others, again, who have seemed to live only
in the presence OF some beloved one. will shrink
from the very mention of the name; will never
suner 1t to be uttered in their presence, much
less ever allow 1t to escape their oWn lips. 1t is
almost as If some disgrace were attached TO it,
as If something of dishonor and shame were
associated with it. 1t is folded up in the past,
never to be unfolded again; or erased, as if a
sponge had been taken to blot out the name for
ever. And yet it is not really forgotten. The
beloved name is enshrined in the heart trea-
sured up there like withered flowers within the
leaves of some precious book or like the relics
which the devout pilgrim honors. There are
they also whose love is beyond all dispute, who
take an entirely opposite line, and can talk OF
nothing else. II Is the unvarying theme of their
conversation and their letters. If any attempt is
made to divert the thought into some other chan
mel bearing more upon daily life and the blessings
that remain, they ingeniously manage to make
them drlft oack again to the subject of their
sorrow. Every scrap of writing is produced
to be read again and again; every incident is
narrated till sympathy is almost worn thread.
bare, and the oveT.indulged gref becomes a
monomania. We are strangely constituted
beings, often, in extremes, moved IN various
ways by our passions and affections 1t is quite
Ineligible that a violent shock should. for 3
time, almost unhinge the mind, and drive h
into eccentricities; and it is, therefore, tho
more unfair to Judge and condemn harshlV any
gether in unison with received customs w,
cannot grieve by rule and measure Small grief
are loud, but great ones STILL
Angry hearts grieve loud awhile,
Broken hearts are dumb and SMILE"
Laughter comes not from profound JOY, no
weeping from deep sorrow. 1t is true thattear
and sorrow are frequent companions, but rarel
in their highest eXcesses, and therefore there
nothing more falacious than the outward sight
Of sorrow The chances are, that the affllctio