The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1867-10-01
Andrew Johnsen,s Organ.

Who, what and where Is Andrew Johnson's
organ! 1t has been supposed in some quarters
that Andrew blew his own trumpet so vigor-
ously that he had no need Of an organ, and
consequently left himself without one. Others
have thought that an odd machine in WASH
ington was his organs notable instrument,
giving out queer sounds, ranging from the
squeal and hum Of the hurdy-gurdy to the
monotonous monotone of the penny whistle,
but cracked all over and sadly In need of
repair that should replace all the important
parts, frame, barrel and bellows. But it appears
that that organ is not considered adequate
to the occasion by the men who manage the
solar system. Greeley, who, in the absence or
retirement Of Weed, has been keeping things
together and apart and preventing the wolves
from eating up the moon on the cool nights,
and who, with JEFF Davis on one hand and the
high favored niger on the other, has disported
himself as the very Apollo Of political drivers
this illustrious person has perceived, with the
sagacity Of man who does corporation adver-
Using, that Andrew johnson is in need Of a
new organ, and to our establishment has named
the HERALD for the place. Well, we will take
1t, supposing, OF course, that the nomination
will be confirmed by the kitchen cabinet II
there is a kitchen cabinet, and that the Jupiter
Tonans whose red-hot thunder we are to
handle and launch will agree to our terms.
Our terms are-illimitable power to make
salutary changes in the domestic establishment.
Our first requirement will be that Seward be
sent home-washed, shaved, in a clean shirt
and shiny boots, with new speech to be
delivered to the rustic multitude in the
of the plain" Next to this, Weed must be
cleared out of the Custom House, the Revenue
Department, the Naval Office, the Surveyors
Omce-out of all possible bays, inlets, creeks,
hooks, crannies and corners into which the
golden stream of the national treasure flows,
and from which the national till may be tapped
Old Welles must get out Of the Navy Depart
ment, Of course, because the Navy Department
ia not one of the Pyramids Of Cheops and is no
place for mummies, and is a place for Porter
or Farragut We rather think, also, that we
should relieve Grant from the durance vile in
which he is held, putting Sherman in his place,
supplied with . long pole, and having tied on
ct the end Of that pole the pen with which he
once wrote = letter to the Mayor of Atlanta, or
some other obsolete and calcined city He
would stir up the political animals in lively
style, having received from partial Nature a
very pretty gin Of surly rhetoric. McCulloch
should be cut loose from the Treasury Depart
ment, or the Treasury Department from Nc
Culloch, whichever were most convenient.
and started on an indefinite financial voyage Of
discovery, with Chatham street watch for a
compass, one Of his own reports for cork
screw and Munchausen's Travels for specie
payment Bible. With McCulloch we would
send the harem Of nine hundred beautiful wo-
men who charm away the idle hours in the
Treasury building. We would thus deprive
Washington Of the great sight II has every day
ct three M, when all this beauty comes from
IL arduous labors TO the open ar-a sight
supposed TO surpas anything seen on the
Golden Horn, and TO be more tremendously
splendid than the charge Of the light brigade.
These ere our terms. II 10 evident that they
are reasonable. On these terms only will We
consent 70 become an organ. Shall We be in
stalled! We pause for reply.