The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1867-03-21
As regards salary my

with q house of eminent piety at lew
rate, expecting to receive portion Of
my compensation in religious example
and instruction. No objection to going
3 short distance in the country. The
writer would expect the privilege of q
seat in the advertisers pew, also the
privilege of attending his Sunday -school
class.
II this meets with your favorable
consideration, can furnish you with
references of the representatives from
all the denominations in our city. Ad.
dress, VIM. TELL.
The following is the reply:
WILLIAM TELL Our senior selects
! from many your reply fer the position
of book-keeper as most likely to suit.
On the score of religion no doubt is en-
tertained but you can eventually adapt
your views to our ideas. Will You,
however, please state-so that we may
know more of your capacity-if, when
in Turkey, you were able to sustain the
reputation, and succeeded in keeping
peace in the family. If, however, as is
suspect ted, you are still somewhat Of a
Greek, there will be no necessity to
answer, as it will be taken for granted
you possess the "pOwer' SO to do
Were you ever stood up in white he.
fore the Kirk, and, if so, how often:
If the cold weather won't interfere,
oblige me by sending lock Of your
hair. Also, We beg you "Will TelF'
where you were born, and if there are
many left like you'
We are not particular about the breed
of men we are after, but having lived
lifetime in the East, we wish to avoid
the chance of q thug" getting into
position Of trust.
/ Would you have any objection to go
to Japan or Russia to post up little,
10 as to be still more eligible:
Would you take pleasure in distribu-
ting daily some religious tracts on your
way to and from the Counting House
Please enlighten us, and trusting soon
to hear from you again, Very truly,
IMPORTER.
The reply to Importer is as follows:
/ Ny PIOus FRIEND-YOur esteemed IA
vor is at hand. For the manner in
which you allude to my apparent abili-
ty you have my sincere thanks. 1t is
decidedly complimentary. am further
more delighted with the brilliant wit
and cutting sarcasm which so eminent
ly distinguishes you. You certainly
missed your calling when you engaged
in the importing business. Why not
leave it and devote your services to
Frank Leslie's Budget Of Fun. You ask
several questions. and will endeavor
to answer them in their regular order.
First: You ask me "if when in Turkey
was fit to sustain the reputation of
Turk ?" | will answer by simply say
ing, Twas. You ask ''if my cyesight Is
nnimpaired p 1t is, but fail to see
the point of some of Your remarks. L
can. however, see through a four foot
ladder with astonishing accuracy.
Your second remark, concerning a
Greek. is 80 ambiguous that am con-
strained TO leave it until have sufi-
cicnt time to give it tho thought its i'm
portance demands.
Next: "Were you ever stood up III
white before the Kirk" | am compelled
TO confess that | am not sufficiently
familiar with the pecularities of the
Kirk TO understand your meaning. In
your next, please explain yourself.
Next: If the cold weather won't in
terfere &C.. oblige by sending lock Of
your hair. Will Tell, Il give you credit
for ioke), where were you bornf and
if there are many left like you." En-
closed you will please find lock of hair
cut for the occasion. ..'..s.
Where there is a good thing to be OBJ
tanned by reasonable sacrifice, cold
will not deter the thoroughly pious.
My birthplace is in the United States.
Being eminently patriotic, l do not wish
to allude TO State lines. In the Ian
guage Of Daniel Webster, Esq, "My
patriosism is not circumscribed within
the limits Of my birthplace Are there
any left like youi No, Iamthe seventh
son of seventh daughter. The balance
died in consequence of the family talent
being all concentrated in myself.
Next: You say you are not particular
about the breed of man, Int having
lived in the East, wish to avoid the
chance of a Thug" getting in posi-
tion of trust. Now, my dear friend,
you are very ungenerous i'll thus allud-
ing to your correspondent. Why do
Won conclude that ] am Thug! And
admitting | am, are there not more
sanctimonious scoundrcls than dishon-
est Thugs: Don't call me such hard
names. would have no objection to
go to any part of the world, providing
it would promote the interests of my
ployers. 1t would fill my soul with joy
and gladness to distribute tracts on my
way to and from the counting honse.
| am familiar with the tract business
You conclude by requesting me to en-
tighten You; / have endeavored to do
so. If have not succeeded it will he
attributable to your obtuseness or my
stupidity. You are the judge.
As regards the situation, l should like
to commence Mt once. Having q large
experience, I can fiji most any position
with honor to myself and profit to my
employers. This may appear egotistical,
but am no such man. When you are
better acquainted Sithme, You wiilfnd