Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1867-02-21


Piled that he was very well, and had
married since they had last seen each
other
"That is good news indeed" said
the first.
May" replied the other, ''not so
very good either, for | married
shrew."
"That is bad"
"Not so very bad, either, for had
$4,000 with her.'
THAT makes all well again"
"Not SO well as you think, for l
laid out the money on flock Of sheep,
aud they died Of the rot"
-sssThat was hard truly3' n9rNw
"Not SO hard, either, for ] sold the
skins for more money than the sheep
cost me"
"You we're lucky, at last"
"Not so lucky as you think, for l
bought house for the money, and the
house was burned down uninsured"
THAT indeed, must have been a
great loss"
"Not SO great loss, assure you,
for my wife was burned with it."
On trial for an assault, at the as
sizes, some years since, medical wit
ness, in giving his evidence, informed
the court that, on examining the
prosecutor, he found him suffering
from severe confusion of the integu-
ments under the left orbit, with great
extravasation of blood and ecchymosis
in the surrounding cellular tissue,
which was in q tamefed state. There
was also considerable abrasion of the
cuticle. Judge-You mean, suppose,
that the man had black eye Wit
ness-Yes. Judge-Then why not say
so at once
An old woman on steamboat OBJ
served two men pumping up water to
wash the deck, and the captain being
near by she accosted him as follows:
"Well, captain, got we'll aboard,
eh Z"
"Yes, ma'am, always carry one,"
said the polite captain. "Well, that's
clever. | always did dislike the nasty
river water, especially in dog days"
A man advertised lately to forward,
on receipt Of postage stamps, "sound
practical advice, that would be appli-
cable at any time and to all persons
and conditions of life." On receipt of
the stamps he sent his victim the fol-
lowing: sNever give boy a penny
to watch your shadow while you climb
a tree TO look into the middle of next
week"
Wiggins was one day with friend,
when he observed poor dog that had
been killed, lying in the gutter. Wig
gins paused, gazed at the dead animal,
and at last said "Here is another
shipwrcck." "Shipwreck. Where ?"
-"Why, there's bark that is lost
forever" His companion growled and
passed on
Pecocious.-Sharp promising little
boy, just learning to talk WE'LL
"Father are you going to sec the
race today Father, Frightening up,
"Wbat race, my son r eThe human
race" was the astonished response.
Husband to wile-"Mary Ann, that
boy will be an editor yeti
Wife-"God forbid"
''Dar are" said q sable orator. ad-
dressing his brethren, "two roads to
dis world De one am broad and
narrow road, dat leads to perdition
de order a narrow and broad road dat
leads to sure destruction" "If dat am
de case" said a sable hearer," "dis
cullered individual takes to de woods
CUTE-They are a very smart set
of folks at Franklin, Vehango county.
Some weeks ago the borough bought
new steam fire engine. In order
to give the machine a trial, barn
standing off in field by itself was set
on fire, but before the engine could be
got out and in working order the barn
burned down.
"Sambo, have you fed the pigs
"fes, massa, me fed 'um,' replied
Sambo. "Did you count them ?" "Yes,
massa, me count 'em all but one dere
be one little speckled pig, be frisk
about so much me couldn't count him"
Seyenty-fve of the handsomest girls
have been selected from the different
houses of correction at Toulon, to
send out to Cayenne as wives for the
conviets of that penal colony.
An lrishman, on hearing of friend
havinga stone coffin made for himself,
exclaimed "By my sowl and that's a
good idee. Sure and a stone coffin
nd last man a life time"
That was a smart youngster who.
hearing his mother remark that she
was fond of music, exclaimed. "Then
why don't you buy me drum 2"
"There are ties which should never
be severed" as the ill-uscd wife said
when She found her brute of husband
hanging in the hay loft
An Irish editor, in speaking of the
miserics of Ireland, says "Hcr cup
of misery has been for ages overflow
ing,and is not yet full"
A Radical exchange says 'thero
will be stirring times in Congress when
Butler gets there" No doubt-he has
The spoons to do it.
Mr.. John Strange was lately mar
ried to Miss Mary Story. The sequel
to the strange story will doubtless be
q little stranger.
The President of Western railway