Maryland free press., 1867-01-03
"SwallOwing oysters Alive"
DY SOLITAIRE.

At a late hour, the other night, the door OF an
oyster-house in our city was thrust open, aud in
stalked hero from the Sucker State He was
quite six feet high, spare, somewhat stopped
with hungry, anxious, countenance, and his
bands pushed clear down to the bottom Of his
breeches pockets. After taking position, he
INDUCED in a long stare at the man opening
bivalyes, and slowly calculated 'Isters?'
"Ycs sir" responded the attentive operator,
Sand fine ones they are too"
"Well, I've heard of listers aforc," says he
'but this is the fust time I've seed m and per.
haps I'll know what thar made of afore git out
of town.
Having expressed his desperate intention,
he cautiously approached the plate, and scruti-
nized the uncased shell fish, with gravity and
interest which would have done honor to the
most ilustrious searcher into the hidden myste-
ries of nature. At length he began to soliloquize
on the difficulty of getting them out, and how
queer they looked when out.
81 never seen anything hold on so-!takes an
amazin' site ofscrewin', hoss, 10 get'm out, an d
ain they slick and slip'ry when they does come?
Smooth as an cell I've good mind to give that
fellow lodging, inst to realize the efect,as Uncle
Jess used TO say about specialization" | .
"Well, sir" was the reply, "down with tvs
bits, and you can have a Dozen
"Two Jits!" exclaimed the Sucker, "now,
come, that's sickin' it OH rite strong, hoss, for
listers. dozen of 'em amt nothin to a chicken
and there's no gcttin' more a picaune apiece
for them I've only realized forty-fve pic cauues
on my first vcntur' TO st. Louis. I'll tell you
what, I'll gin you two chickens for dczen, I'll
you'll conclude to deal"
A wag who was standing by, indulging in q
doEon winked to the attendant TO shell out and
the offer was accepted.
"Now, mind" repeated the Sucker, "al fair:
two chickens for dozen. You are witness,
Mister" turning at the same time to the wag.-
''None of your tricks; for I've hearn that you
city fell ers are mighty slip'ry coons."
The bargain being fully understood, our Suck
er squared himselffor the onset deliberately put
of his seal skin, tucked up his sleeves and await.
cd the appearance No. l. 1t came-he saw
and quickly it was bolted. A moments dreadful
pause ensued, the wag dropped his knife and fork
with look of mingled amazement and horror
something akin to Shakespeare's Hamlet, on
seeing his daddy's ghost-while he burst into the
exclamation ......
"Swallowed alive, as I'm Christian p
Our Sucker hero had opened his mouth with
pleasure q moment before, but now it stoed
open. Fear-a horrid dread of he didn't know
what-a consciousness that all wasn't right, and
ignorant of the extent of the wrong-the uncer.
tairty of the moment was terrible. Urged te
desperation, he faltered out
"What on eartb's the rowf''
'Did you swallow it nlive?" inquired the
wag
~ swallowed it just as he gin it to me p
shouted the Sucker. .. ..
"YoE're dead man ~ exclaimed his anxious
friend. "The creature is alive, and will cal
right through you," added he in most hope
less tone.
"Get pizen pump and pumpit out |" scream.
ed the Sucker, in frenzy, his eyes fairly start
ing from their sockets. 30, gracious what'll
do? It's got hold of my innards ALREADY, and
I'm as dead as chicken Do somethin' for me,
do. Don't let the internal sea toad eat me afore
your eyesp'
"Why didn't you put some of this on it p
inquired the wag, painting to "a bottle Of pepper
sauce.
The hint was enough. The Sucker upon the
instant seized the bottle, desperately wrenched
out the cork, and swallowed half the contents at
draught. He fairly squealod from its effects,
and gasped, and blowed, and pitched, and
twisted as irii were coursing thro1 III him with