The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-03-01
WITTICISMS.

A GENTLEMAN some time ago ut Ia
BILE, when asked to have some catsup--
pronounced ketchup-replied No, thank
you; Pm ahead of you now."
A WISCONSIN editor, in acknowledge
ing the receipt of an exchange paper
printed on new type, says it looks as
clean as schoolmarn in bathing
tub"
A PRINTER says he knows it pays to
advertise. lie advertised for a boy and
in less than week found at his domicil
an applicant weighing five pounds. His
articles must have wide circulation.
TIE latest fashion of bonnets is said
to be tow string with glass bead up
on the top of the head. In extremely
cold weather it is allowable to attach
two postage stamps to protect the ears.
Our devil suggests that small buck
wheat cake would be better than glass
that it would still be warm enough to
eat when the next style comes out.
SIZE wore q Gothic waterfall, and
hoops like n Sibley tent, and her back,
OH! slavery, big chain clanked as she
went. She bought her waterfall newly
built, methinks we can see her yet,
big chain ofjet. She wore a hat like
butter dish-as large as three cent
pie, and we thought we should soon eX-
pire as her big chain ratified by. a
score or more of silver doves held her
dress from mud and rain innocent birds
were frightened by the gutta percha
chain. Oh, fashion, mistress fashion,
have pity on Mary Jane; we love thy
tilt and saw-dust calves, but take back
thy jetty chain.
ONE of the. witnesses summoned to
appear before the New Orleans riot in
vestigating committee was asked by u
prominent member of the committee
(which side" he was going to testify on.
He replied that there would be no
''sides" to his testimony (; he could only
swear to facts within his knowledge.
This reminds us of case in the BOs-
ton Police Court, which occurred few
years ago. Old Deacon Foster, the most
venerable and most popular of all the
Boston darkies, brought an action
against the neXt-door neighbor for q
tresspass of some sort upon his hand
cart. The deacon's witness was giving
his testimony in straight forward
manner, when the old fellow got on his
feet suddenly and exclaimed: "Plcase
de court, | wish yer max dat witness
sWar right. brung him up purpus to
swar dat han'-cart was in dat cellar, an
now he swars jus turrer way. l wish
dc court make him swar right"
WHAT Is CoD LIVER OIL ?-The
Bridgewater Gdzetct, New England
journal, says that physician in that
place was recently called to prescribe fol
a somewhat illiterate old lady. and a.
cod liver oil, in his opinion, was tho
remedy for her complain, he wrote 9
prescription for the apothecary to pu
up, with the Latin formula, sole. Jec
ASS" being an abbreviation of "Oleun
, Jecorris Asselli," or, in plain English
, cod liver oil. The medicine was pro
cured, taken, and in n few weeks the
lady completely recovered her health
a neighbor paid her visit after her re
|, covery, and expressing surprise at hel
improved condition, inquired the secret
of so rapid restoration. "Why," SAID
the old, lifting both hands in grateful
enthusiasm, il was that beautiful medi
cine, the oil Of JdckdsS, that brought
me on my feet again !"
: PAYING LIKE A SINNER.-Severa
G years ago, in North Carolina, where il
n is not customary for the tavern-keeperS
/ to charge the ministers anything fol
f lodging and refreshments, Il preacher
\ presunlingly stopped at n tavern one
4 evening, made himself comfortable dur
= ing the night, and in the morning en-
4 tered the stage without offering pay foi
his accommodations. The landlord sooI
: came running up to the stage, and said
/. "There is some one who has not set
!, tied his bill"
b The passengers all said they had, but
/ the preacher, who said he understood
that he never charged ministers any
g thing.
t "What! you minister of the gospcI
e "a man of God ?" cried the inkeeper
t "you came to my house last night you
: sat down ut the table without a blessing
Y | lit you up to your room, and you went
: to bed without praying to your Maker
= for | stood there until you retiredl;
: you rose and washed without prayer,
V ate your breakfast without saying grace
D and as you came 10 my house like sim
= nCr, and eat and drank like sinner
4 you have got to pay like 4 sinner!'