The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1867-12-14
Odds and Ends.

Nine days wonder-Ihat of the kitten, which
wonders when it is going to see.
The seizure Of two bottles of liquor cost the
city of Boston five dollars. The prohibitory
liquor law is big thing for the tax payers.
Mrs Partingtsn says she may be old now, but
she has seen the day when she was young as
ever she was s,A sgf.rrfgyg aaGHy
An editor down South said he would As soon
Try t. go to sea upon shingle, make ladder Of
fog, chase o streak Of lightning through crab.
apple orchard, swim up the rapids of Niagara, or
set Lake Erie on fire with wet match, rs to stop
lovers getting married when they take it into
their beads TO do 80 - -f-i-f''' -aA '.t
A man recently broke of marriage because
the lady did not posses. good conversational pow
ers. wicked editor, in commenting on the
fact, says he should have married her, and then
refused her new bonnet, to have developed her
conversational powers m z EgTYQU
A pair Of pretty eyes is the bsst thing 10 shave
BY. Swincher says he has known many man
TO be shaved BY them. We have known many .
man saved.
''How do you and your wife get on p
20, rather badly; she gave me her hand .
while ago, and thanked her she gives 1t 70
me now every time I speak, and I'd thank her
not to.
II say, Jones, how. is il that your wife drsss-
- 20 magnificent. and you always emit at the
elbow" Jones, timpressively and significantly
"You see, Thompson. my wife dresses accord
ing TO her Gazette Of Fashion. snd according
70 my Ledger. ET rrT WG H8AG
A lady having accidentally broken her smell.
ing bottle, her husband. who was very petu.
lent, said to her: II declare, my dear, every.
thing that belongs TO you 10 more or less broken
'True," replied the lady. "for even you are q
little cracked" alae..
An editor down East somewhere says he has
got round shouldcred kissing short girls, and
cautions his readers against the habit. If it is
any relief to him, let him send his short girls
this way. Well risk our shoulders with pleas
ure. .ft. t.."
A drunken fellow had wandered into Sun.
day School, and taken seat among the prim
scholars, when the teacher accosted him with
"Why, James, do you know what condition
you're in Z" "Yoshm; n tn gall Z bit'ness, N
tn bond + 'niquity Ask me some more ques.
dutchman had two pigs, a large one and q
small one The smaller one being the elder, he
was trying to explain to customer, and he did
it this wise: 1.-The little pig ish ts piggist."
Upon which his wife, assuming to correct him
said: "You mustn't excuse him he no shpesks
20 good English ash me he no mean to little
pig ish to pississ. but to younsesht pig ish te
0ldess.
How to make Black Crook-Kick him in the
bread basket.
Rome had her Cesar. but New York WAC
thinks the Internal Revenue Department has
several Siezers.
Rev. Dr. Chaplin says that man living among
tho activities of the nineteenth century is con.
densed Methusaleh.
Why is husband like Mississippi steam.
boatI Because he never knows when he may
get allowing up. 1DlAf.lt,lI
Use "Barrett's Hair Restorative and Dress.
Ing" rendering the use Of Bears Oil Qard) and
Pomatums (lard) entirely unnecessary.
Female Complaints should b CURED, ~ they
surely can be, By q few doses Of Ayers Saraaps.
rilla.