Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1867-01-10
FUN, FACTS, AND FACETIE.

To be dexterious in danger is a vir.
! tue but to court danger is a weakness.
He who sets up carriage at the
suggestion of his vanity generally sets it
down at the suggestion of his creditors.
ARoHnEDEs being asked to 90 and
/ hear person who initiated the nightingale
/ to perfection, answered, 81 have heard the
( nightingale herself"
If you are disquieted with anything
you should consider with yoursef-is the
| thing of that worth, that for it l should so
disturb myself and lose my peace and tran
! quillity?
ALL who love peace, are destined
to live with those of less delicacy of feeling
than themselves, must learn to take no Of
| fence where none is intended.
AN excellent old lady says the only
way to prevent steamboat explosions is to
make the engineers bile their water" ashore.
In her opinion, all the Dustin is caused by
cooking the steam on board.
A gentleman, having occasion to
call on an author found him in his study
He remarked the great heat of the apart
ment, and said it was ''as hot as an oven"
so it ought to be, replied the author, 'for
here l make my bread"
II is related that the clerk of a rural
church in England recently made the follow
ing announcement to the congregation -
You are desired to attend meeting in the
Yestry, at four o'clock, to consider on the
means Of eating the church, and to digest
other matters"
AN odd bit of a dialogue occurs in
a novel now published in French paper
Where is your husband?' asks gentle
man. He went out to buy q cigar" re-
plies the lady. HAS he been gone long"
Eighteen years. He is quite right, re-
marks the gentleman philosophically; he
wants to choose a good one"
MAKING THE DONKEY Go.-You are
very stupid Thomas, said a country school
master to little boy eight years old you
are like donkey, and what do they do to
cure him of his stupidity"
why, they feed him more and kick him
less, said the urchin.
A PROBLEM If, as the poet says,
beauty draws us with single hair" then
What-Oh tell Us what-must be the effect
OF a modern waterfall
An enraged parent had ierked his
provoking son across his knee, and was op-
Grating on the exposed portion of the urch-
ms person with great vehemenee, when the
young one dug into the parental legs with
his Yenomous little teeth.
'Blazes what are you biting me for
well, dad, you begined this here war.
HAS your sister got a son Or
daughter asked son of Erin. Upon
my Life" was the reply, Il don't know
whether I'm an aunt or an uncle
a green 'un" who had never before
seen q steamboat, fell through the hatehway
down into the hold of one, and being unhUrt
loudly expressed his surprise "Well. if the
darned thing amt holler!"
BETTER to lie despised for too anx-
lous apprehensions, than ruined by too con
fdent security.
ALI those things which are now
held TO be Of the greatest Antiquity, were at
one time, new and what We to-day hold up
d:n5 y Example will rank hereafter as " P'ses-
As long as you are engaged il the
World, you must comply with its maxims
because nothing is more Improbable than
the Wisdom Of those persons who Set up
for Reformers Of the Age Tis part a
man cannot act long, without offending his
friends and rendering himself ridiculous.
He alone is wise who can accom0-
date himself TO all the contingencies Of
Life but the fool contends, and is strupe-
ling, like swimmer against the stream
ADVERSELY has the effect of elicit,
ing Talents, which, in prosperous Circum.
stances, would have lain dormant
A Slave has but one Master. the
ambitious Man has as many Masters as
there are persons whose aid may contribute
to the advancement of his Fortune
LET the World have their Nav
games, Wakes, Whitsunales their Dam.
ingS and Concerts: their Puppet-shows,
Hobby-horses, Il Tabors, Rag-pipes Ball..
Barley-breaks and whatever sports aud re-
creations please them best, provided they
be followed with discretion.
MODERATION cannot have the credit
Of combating and sEbduing ambition
they are never found together. Moderate
is the Languar and Incidence OF the SanI
as Ambition Is its Activity and Ardor.
A SERVANT newly engaged, pre-
sented to his master, one morning. q pain
Of boots, the leg Of one of which was much
longer than the other. "Ho n comes il.
that these boots are not of the same length
q really don't know, sir but what both
ers me the most is. that the pair down
stairs is ii the same fix"
The bevy of young ladies' who re.
ceiyed the King of Prussia OF his triumph
al entry into Berlin, have received gifts Of
gold brooches, ornamented with the head
Of the king and the Prussian Eagle
4 man who knows the World. will
not only make the most Of everything L.,
does know, but of many things he does not
know, and will gain more credit By his ad-
rolt mode of hiding his Ignorance, than the
Pedant by his awkward attemts to exhibit
bis EruditiOn.