The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1867-09-06
JIM WOLFE AND THE TOM CATS.
ny MARK TWAIN.

BY MARK TWAIN.
knew by the sympathetic glow upon
his bald head-I knew by the thought
full look upon his face-I knew by the
emotional flush upon the strawberry on
the end of the old free liYer's nose, that
Simon Wheeler's memory was busy with
the olden time. And so 1 prepared to
leave, because all these were symptoms of
a reminiscence-signs that he was going
to be delivered of another Of his tiresome
personal experiences-butI was too slow !;
he got the start ofne. AS nearly as l
can recollect, the infiictiou was couched
in the following language:
1--WE was all boys, then, and didn't care
for nothing only how to shirk school and
keep up revivin'. state Of deviIment all
the time. This-yar Jim Wolfe was
talking about, was the prentice, and he
was the best hearted Teller, he was, and
the most forgiven and onselfsb, l ever
see-well, there couldn't be more ball
Ter boy than what be was, take him how
you would; and sorry though was when
l see him for the last time.
"Me and Henry was always Fostering
him and plastering boss bills on his back
and putting bumbebees in his bed, and
so on, and sometimes we would crowd
him in and bunk with him, notwithstan-
ding his growing. and then we'd let on
TO get mad and fight acrost him, SO as to
keep him stirred up like. He was nine
teen, be was, and long, and lank, and
bashiul, and we was fifteen and sixteen,
and tolerably lazy and worthless.
49, that night, you know, that my
sister Mary gave the candy pullin', they
, started Us off to bed early, so as the com
pauy could have full swing, and we rung
in on Jim TO have some fun.
"Our winder looked out onto the roof
of the ell, and about ten O'Clock a couple
OF old tom cats got to rarin' and chargin'
around on it and carryin' on like sin.
There was four inches of snow on the
roof, and it was froze so that there was a
right smart crust of ice on it, and the
moon was shinin' bright, and We could
see them cats like day light. First they d
stand off and e-yoW-yow-yoW, just the
same as if they was cussin' one another,
you know, and bow up their backs, and
bush up their tails, and swell around and
spit, and then all ola sudden the gray cat
he'd snatch a handful of fur off the Yaler
cats ham, and spin him around, like the
button on the barn door. But the yaller
cat was game, and he'd come aud clinoh
and the way they'd gouge, and bite, and
howl, and the way they'd make the fur
6y was powerful.
"Well, Jim he got Disguised with the
row and lowed he'd climb out and shake
'em off'n that roof. He had no notion
of doing it, likely; but we everlastinly
logged him and bully-ragged him, and
lowed he'd always Dragged how be
wouldn't take dare, and so gu, till bime
by he histed up the winder, and 10 and
behold you, he went-went Just as he
was-nothin' on but a shirt, and it was
short. You ought to seen him! You
ought to seen him ere PIN over
that ice, and diggin' his toe nails and his
finger nails in for to keep him from slip
PIN; and above all, you ought to have
seen that shirt fappin' in the wind, and
them long ridiculous shanks OF his'n a
glistenin' in the moonlight
"Them comp'ny folks was down there
under the caves; the whole squad of them
under the ornary shed of dead Was'nton
Bower vines-all settin round about TWO
dozen sassers of hot candy, which they
sot in the snow TO cool. And they was
lafhn' and talkin' lively; but bless you,
they didn't know nothing about the pan
arama that was goin' on over their heads.
Well, Jim, he went a sneakin' and a
Bneakin' up, unbeknoWns to them tom
ca,s-Ihsy was a sWitchen' their tails and
yeW-yoWSn' and threatenin' to clincb
you know, and not payin' any attention
he was sneakin' and a sneakIn' right
up to the comb of the roof, till he was in
foot and half Of them, and then all of
. sudden be made grab for the waller
catl But, by gosh, be missed fire and
slipped his holt, aud his heels few up
and be Hoped on his back and he shot
of'n that roofli like a dart!-he went a
smashin' and crashin' down thro' them
old rusty vines aud headed right in the
dead center of all them company people!
-sot down like ysarth quake in them
two dozen sassers of red hot candy, aud
Jet on q howl that was bark from the tom b!
Them girls-wsll, they left, you know.
Ihoy see he Warn't dressed for company,
50 they left. All done in a second: i.
was Just one little war Whoop, and a
whisk of their dresses, aud blame the
Wsnch of 'em was in sight auywhereP'
Jim, he was 10 sight. He was germ
ed with the bilin hot molases candy olesn
down to his heals, and had more busted
sassers haugin' to him han if he was q
japanese Princess-And be came a pran-
cling up stairs just Whooping and a
cussin' aud every jump he gave he shed
some china, and every squirm he fetched
he dripped some CANDY
land blisleredl Why, bless your
soul, that poor creatur couIdnr reelv SET
bOwn comfortably for as much as four
weeks
Why il the Jamss riv.r H.