The Van Buren press., 1867-03-08

ladies who devoted themselves TO relieving
the suflerings Of the soldiers, was going
through a ward Of a crowded hospital
There she found two convacscent soldiers
saving and hammering, making such n
noise that she felt il necessary TO interfere
in her gentle way.
u" Why" she said, :" what is this what
are you doin -
"What we dom? Maxim q coffin
that's what -
"a coffin indeed, and whom is it for?''
"Who for that fellow over there
pointing behind him.
The lady looked. and saw a man lying
on his white bed, yet alive, who seemed TO
be watching what was being done.
"Why, She said, in low voice, " that
man isn't dead lie is alive, and perhaps
lie won't die. You had better not go on"
"Go on yes, yes, we shall. The doc
tor he told us. lie said, make the coffin;
and guess he know'd what he Civ him. y
CuFrEE's BRILLIANT IDEA--A week or
ten days ago a stalwart darkey applied to
the County Clerk for license to marry,
which was promptly issued in due form by
our ailabe clerk. and Mig bowed himself
out hat in hand, the happicst darkey alive.
The Circumstance had been forgotten by
the clerk, when yesterday in walked the
same.daskcy, with his hat under his arm
when thc following conversation occurred !;
Nig-Mr. Clerk. you member bout dem
license?
Clerk--What license?
Nig-Why, dem what you gib me for to
marry.
Clcrk-No, / remember nothing Of the
kind. Did i issue you license to marry?
NigzDat's it, boss dat's it.
Clerk-Well, what do you want?
Nig--Why. Sc tried dat 'oman, and
don't like her. ! jst wants you to rub
ora ler name in the licenses, ana put in a
nudder one
Clerk-Why, You rascal, didn't you
marry the woman whose name put on the
license?
Nig-Of course / did, but you see l
keeps de license in NY pocket all de time,
SOS could change dem il dat one didn't
suit, and she don't suit Wort cent?
When the ".man and brother was as
sured that nothing could be done for him,
ho retired very much disguised with ode
Yankee way marin folks
Tie SrouEL Our readers, says an ex-
change, have all heard the story of soaping
the clcrgymans tin horn at camp meet
ing, so that when he went to call his flock
together, he blew the soap over his broth
er clergymon, and how he exclaimed -
"Brethlcn, have served the Lord thirty
years, and in that time have not uttered
u profane word, but I'll be id if can't
whip-the man that soaped that horn!'' Our
readers, we say, have all heard this, but
have, perhaps, never heard the sequel, Civ
en- us bya gentleman present, 1t is as fol-
lows:
Some two days AFTER tall, swarthy,
villianous looking desperate strolled upon
the ground and leaned against tree, listen
ing to an eloquent exhortation to repent,
which was then being made by the preach
cr. After while he became interested,
finally affected and then taking position
on the anxious seat, commenced groaning
in the every bitterness" of his sorrow
The clergyman walked down and attempt
cd to console him. On consultation, he
was too grea; a sinner, he said "No, he
was 100 wicked-there was no mercy for
him."
s"Why, what crime have you commit
ted?' asked the preacher; "have you s,ol.
en-"
"Oh, worse than that
"What have you, by violence lobbed
female innocence of its virue?'
"Worse than that---oh, worse tlan
that"
Murder" gasped the Mortified minis
ter.
"Worse than that !" groaned the sin
ner.
The excited minister commenced "peel-
ing off his outer garments
"Hcre brother Cole !" he shouted; hold
my coat, I've found the fellow that soaped
my horn
The Rural Southerner hits off the
fashionable airs Of the present day in the
following style:
Wanted-An intended bride, who is
willing to commence housekeeping in the
same style in which her parents began.
Twenty fashionable young ladies who
dare to be seen welding a dust brush, or
darning their brothers stockings, if a gen.
tleman should happen to make an early
morning call
Ten independent young ladies, Of "good
families" who dare to wear their last win.
ter's bonnets to church on a fine Sunday.
Fourteen young ladies. "who are any
body" who dare to be seen in the street
wearing shoes with sole thick enough to
keep their feet warm.
An ancient colored woman at Chat
tanooga, ascertaining where the Frecdmen's
Bureau was kept, called in the other day