The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-08-19
Miscellany.
Nasty.


A Consultation at the Corners, Fotto@ed
by a Dream, IN ,ohich General Grant ana
oGLr. Iodrid,,als are Mred arith no regard
Jbaierer fer Time, Pace, or fttneSS.
Posr OFFICE CoNFEDERrr X ROADS,
lWich is in tile Stait NV Kentucky)
July IL, 1867
Last mite ther wuz a convocashen NV the
saints conneG ted with the Institoot (uv witch
Deekin Pogram is the cheetest and loveliest
among len thousand) to take sweet counsel
together onto sevral matters connected with
the insttooshen NV learnin, the success NV
witch is so dear to all NV us. The cOnvers;i-
shen happenin to turn upon the cOnterrln NV
honrary degrees, Deekin Pogram sed that he
he'd suggestion to make. He had notist that
all the leadin colleges NV the country he'd a
practis NV comforting titles, SIGH as IN. d."
IA. B.,""ll l.. D." and SIGH onto distinguish
ed men, tho he wuz free to say that he didn't
know wat in thunder they meant or wat they
wuz good for But he had notist in a moose
paper that no college had yet conferred any
SIGH onto Androo johnson. Considerin it a
burnin shame, he wood sejest that ez a re-
book to the hide-bound-institoosh NV the
North, that this college do to wunst confer all
NV EN-, and ez many more as Their is, onto Mr..
johnson. Bascom remarkt that he didn't
know whether the President wood feel com
plimentid "Yoo know, Deekin sed he, 'sthat
this amt much NV a colleger' 49,.
"Iroo, sed the blessid old peece Nv limo
sence, too troo, but then, to balance that
johnson amt much Nv President, 700
known akass8hkEs aeE#
And so the honrary degrees wuz conferred,
and notice thereof was sent him immejitly,.
From this the question NV the next nomin-
ee OF the party for President came up. Bas-
com, who isn't far-seeing man, asserted that
it would be necessary to nominate Grant.
The Deekin remarkt that he tho't it wood be
safe, but McPeter thoudiferent He didn't
bleeve in the first place that it become Peace
party, or at least party witch, Ell it dipped its
hands in gore at all, did it mostly in Northern
gore, to take up Northern General witch had
dun his best toward sendin many thousands
of Southerners to their long homes, and be-
sides the General wouldn't take it. -a.a
Bascom wanted to know wat the Confer
ence at Long Branch meant? Ell General
Grant WIS in the control NV Weed, Raymond
and the Moo York Herald, witch was ekal TO
the World, the Flesh aud the Devil, he felt
that he he'd trooly found the broad Macadam-
lied road to DemOcrisy. He begun to hev
hopes Nv him. Various opinions was express
ed by various persons, when, without coming
TO any conclusion, we separated. ] retired
that night earlier than usual, and my mind
dWeilln ON the chances NV my continuin i'm
Oils Ill case Nv Grants accession, L fell into
troubled sleep and dreamed dream
Methawt gathered in front NV the White
House wuz gallant array NV our friends.
There wuz franklin Peerce, and Bookannon.
and Valandigum, and the Woods and Magof-
fin, and Monroe, and Brite, and Breckenridge
and the leaders Nv the Dimocrisy, all a stand
ing there looking wishfulIy at the White
House, and wonderin how and by wat means
they Good git in. johnson, blessins on his head.
stood onto the portico wavin to EN- to come,
but alass! guardin the passage stood mighty
a hllahntafc i'll
NOR, and in such force ez to make the storm
in Nv it hopeless. t ,. - - :,
"How snei we get in? sighed Belmont.
An, indeed, how?" ansered Henry Clay
That's the great moral quest on-how qn
ekoed Ben Wood = -.
mi trends" sed Thurlo wead, "its easy
enun. when VOC can't sore like the eagle,
crawl like the snaik. Sorein is preferable. but
craWlln Will do at a pinch. Is ther not the
Lion OF Ehe Republic?" Cant 700 get him
out and mount him? The Ablshnists hey a
regard for that same Lion, and will never dis
charge Their arrers at 700 when yoor or his
back, for fear Of KILN him. Besides yoor rid
in him will in some degree do away with the
preloodls they hev agin yoo.' :, = IS. s3l
but how kin we mount him ?''4 sed tina.
Crust us for thatm sed Weed, and him and
Raymond trottei off to git him.
ina got the Lion out, but ez soon ez he
cast his eyes onto the crowd he uttered a roar
witch struck terror into Their soles, and lashed
the ground with his tale, and cast I'D dust
with his claws, in a manner fearful to behold.
"He,l never stan. itp sed Weed, "onless
hes blinfolded," and Thurlo wrapped Raw
mond like wet dish rag over his ewes. and
that done, him and Randull pared his males
and blunted his teeth, so that eff the bandaoe
shood wriggle oaf, and he shood sea WHARF he
waz, he coodn't hurt enybody, and shaved his
name, till he looked like very inersent Lion
indeed, SO that his appearance woodent startle
them not used to his fearsenis, and in that
konoisnun they led him choirtly down to the
crowd, and give the word to mount.
Lord wat scramble thar wuz. They niled
on from the tip NV his ears to the end NV his
tale, and them witch coodent git on for lack of
room, hung TO the feet ov them witch he'd oot
on, until it WOE nothin less than pyramid of
Dmocrats. t,f, 4s.fs.Ia f-.l-'1 r. - - =
Finally, when all waz loaded, the word was
gwen, and the lion moved off, They waz de-
nteo. he ned strength enuf to carry EN-. and
ne Waz carryin NV EN- strate on to the wife
House, and at good pace, too. Ez thew An.
preached the portals, the Ablishin defenders
Nv the place opened onto EN-. N = : -
Hold !. sed Weed, wood you DESTROY the
Lion ov the Ripublic?n rli ''7fI -" ''''
Stay yure hands" shreked Raymond. 4tbe
SAVIOR OF the country is under us,D - 80,
But tina lafft them to skorn. s 500 .a-
Its Brite and ValIandiebum. tbo Woods
ct settry, we're firm at" s6reekt thev "TU'
ez they fought, "The Battle Cry oy Freedox y
John Browns body lies a mouIdrin in the
grave" and SIGH other sacrileeous Dads. "f,,s
them we see, and them we'll killp,
ana tney peted away till the whole mass
was stretched ded and dyfn on the plane. = :
Ihey then cum up and began to turn over
the corpses one by one, until at last tina came
to the body ov the Lion, wic6. peerced sa fhro
and through, was az dead as any oy EN- -
air" 20 '"e 11'o''' oJter
And we've Stayed him p sed another. Z
"WellM remarked third, "we coodent
help II. LIE waz SO covered up with carton
that coodent make out wat tina waz ridin.
Let uz give him decent burial for the good
n ne neI h aIn Una ana forget eff we kin, the com
At It's criticize junctur awoke. 81 g.. :
new an idear that kin see sort of warn
lug In this dream. 1t occurs to me-
ISL. That ell we do ride Grant, wen bev
TO dlyest him of his name, teeth and clans
H wnlcn IS the identikle qualities wich makes
ably succeed in KILN him. without sanip pc -.
Grant might deodorize dozen or two Of NC
Dut inc whole party! Faughl 1t would be a
pint OF cologne to a square mile of carbon.
:, ID. That if we was rapt ali around him.
Ine people woodent be able to see him any
now, and wat good wood he do us?
lnterpretin the dream thus, shell oppose
ms nomination NO Besides, dowt whether all
the Weeds and Raymonds in the country can
so manipulate him as to bring him onietIv
into our ranks. We mite possibly 90 over to
nm, and thus get the privilege Of yotin for
him, but wherefore? How about the offs
them Ff the Ablishnists vote for him, and
W, we vote for him. the obligation is ekwai, and
between us is there any doubt which led
Gnoose9 don't want to take such chances
~ opposed to the movement. care not
mnat DINERS may do, but as for me,
give me straightout Dimocrisy or nothing
Mcclellan was yencher which satisfied me
es to the propriety of undertaking to set a.
roarln lion convoyin a flock OF peaceful
lambs into green pastors. o9
PETROLEUM v. Nasty, p. NJ,