West-Jersey pioneer., 1867-06-07
DOG DAY.
A SCENE AT THE IRVING HOUSE.
BY FALCONBRIDGE.

| got bravely over. since once upon a
time. when Dutch bother, in the city of
Charleston, s. c., put an end to my
poor Sue,-the prettiest and most devo-
ted female bull terrier specimen of the
canine race you ever did see, guess -
Ny Sue got into the wrong pew, one
morning; the crout eating cordwainer
and she had dispute-he, the bullet
headed ball of wax, ups with his revolver
and-I was dogless! | don't think dogs
a very profitable investment, and .every
man, weak enough to keep dog in city,
ought to pay for the luxury handsomely
to the city authorities Some people
have great weakness for dogs Some
fancy gentlemen seem to think it the
very apex of highcockalorumdom to have
the skeleton of greyhound and highly
polished collar, following them through
crowded thorough-fares. Some young
ladies, especially those of doubtful ages,
delight in caressing Jumps of white, cot
ton looking dumpy dogs and toting them
around to the disgust of the lookers-on--
with all the fondness and blind infatua-
tion of mamma with her first born,
bran new baby. Wherever you see any
quantity of white and black zoofers- =
Philadelphia, for instance, you'll see RATS
Of ugly and wretched looking ours. Boz
says, poverty and oysters have a great
affinity; in this country, for oysters, read
dogs. Who has not, that ever travelled
over this remarkable country, had occa-
sion to be down on dogs !? Who that has
ever lain awake, for hours at stretch,
listening to a blasted cur, not worth to
any body the powder that would blow him
up-but has felt a desire to advocate the
dog-law, SO judiciously practiced in all
we'll regulated cities Who that ever
had sneaking yillanous cur slip up be-
hind and MP out patch of your trow-
sers, boot top and calf-the size of an
oyster-but has felt for the pistol, knife
or club, and swore eternal enimity to the
whole canine race? Who, that ever had
big dog jump upon your Russia-ducks
and patent feathers, just as he had come
out OF mud puddle-but has nearly
forfeited his title to Christianity, by cur
sing aloud in his grief-like a trooper
Well, | have, for one of a thousand.
The fact Of the business is, with pre-
cious few exceptions, dogs are nuisance,
whatever Col Bill Porter, of the 'sSpirit,"
and his thousand and one dog fancying
and inquiring friends, may think to the
contrary; and the man that will invest
fifty real dollars in dog skin, has got
tender place in his head not healed up
the irving V ing e a6bassse, 6bass w.
good dog story. that will bear repeating, /
think. A sporting gent from the country,
stopping at the Irving, wanted dog, a
good dog, not particular whether it was a
spanial, hound, pointer, English terrier
or Butchers bull. So friend advised
him to put an advertisement in the Sun
and Spirit of the Times, which he did,
requesting the "fancy" to bring along
the right sort of dog to the Irving House,
room number. . elai
The advertisement appeared simultan-
eously in the two papers on Saturday.
There were but few calls that day; but
on Monday the Esprit having been,
freely imbibed by its numerous readers
over Sunday, the dog men were awake,
and then began the scene. The occupant
of room number = had scarcely got up,
before servant appeared with a man
and dog.
"Believe, sir, you advertised for a
dog?' quoth he with the animal.
"Yes," was the response of the country
fancy man, who, by the way, it must be
promised, was rather green as to the
quality and prices of fancy dogs.
j "What kind of dog do you call that p
he added.
"a greyhound, full blooded, sir
"Full blooded p says tire country
sportsman. SWELL he don't look as
though he had much blood in him. He'd
look better, wouldn't he, mister, if he
was full bellied-looks as hollow as a
flute p'
i This remark, for moment, rather stag
gered the dog man, who first looked at
his dog and then at the critic. Choking
down his dander, or disgust, says he:
''That's the best greyhound you ever
saw, sir"
"Well, what do you ask for him p
s'Seventy-fve dollars"
"What? Seventy-6ve dollars for that
dog frame?"
! II guess you're fool any way" says
the dog man; "you don't know hound
from tan yard cur, you jackass =
Phe-e-wt! come along, Jerry = and the
man and dog disappeared
The man with the hollow dog had not
stepped out two minutes, before the SER
: want appeared with two more dog mer-
chants: both had their specimens along
and were invited to "step in."
"Ahl that's dog" calculated the
country sportsman; the moment his eyes
lit upon the massive proportions of a
laundering edition of Mt. St. Bernard
''That Is dog, sir" was the emphatic
response of the dog merchant. ee
'.How much dc you ask for that dog 7"
quoth the sportsman.
"Well," says the trader, patting his
dog, "I thought of getting about fifty
five dollars for him, but l."
"Stop," interrupted the country sports
man, "that's enough-he won't suit no
how; | can't go them figures on dogs" =
The man and dog left growing, and the
! next man and dog were brought up.
"Why, that's a queer dog, mister, aint
it.? 'Taint got no hair on it; why, where
in blazes did you raise such a dog as that;
been scalded, haiut it p says the rural
sportsman, examining the critter.
"Scalded 7" echoed the dog man, look
ing no ways amiable at the speaker
.swhy didn't you never see a Chinese
J terrier, afore 7"
"No, and if that's one, don't care
about seeing another! Why, he looks
like . singed possuhm!Da sa hd ess
/ "Well, you're q pooty looking country
jake, you are, to advertise for . dog, and
don't 'tnow (lh;nay torr;or from siponc