The Lancaster ledger. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1852-1905, 1867-06-05
" IT A N D II u vi OR

Who was the oldest lunatic on recordi
Time out Of mind.
Why is a newspaper Ike wife 7 Be
cause every man should have one Of his
own.
"Short visits are best" as the fly said
when he lighted on The hot stove.
Those who tell vou others faults will
make themselves rs free to Others OF your
own.
Much smoking kills live men and cures
dead swine.
The happiness Of wife and the cult
va,ion Of vine depends on the care Of
q man.
What we learn in our infancy remains
for ever--say the Spanish.
Husbands who habituallv leave their
wives a'Ona, 70 attend clubs, have club on
the brain, and ought 10 have it on the
skull.
Jefferson Davis was once the owner Of
many slaves, but Of all his bondmen the
most distinguished is Horace Greeley.
"Madam.' said gen,leman to his wife.
'let me tell you facts are stubborn things
"Dearie me, yoI don't say so |" Quolh
the LADY; "what fact you must be 7"
"Thou rainest in this BOSOM" as the
chap said when basin Of water was
thrown over him by the lady he was ser,
anadng.
The arm Of a pretty girl wound tight
round your neck, has been discovered 10
be an infailible remedy in case Of sore
throat. 1t beats pepper tea al sllhollow
A wag Of boaIder complained to the
mistress that the sun must have gone un
der clond, when the shadow Of the
chicken fell into the pot where her broth
was made.
A young lalv in San Antonia thinks
OF going to California TO get married, for
the reason that she has hpen told that in
that country the men folks "rock the era,
die" Her heads right.
A priest asked ,psv fellow. leaning
against the fence, where he expected 10
90 when lie died. If can. c.t alorc
any better than now," said he, "I shan,
60 nowhere.
'"Houl1 on !" said Patrick, as hes'ood
looking after the DEPARTED train, moiion.
ing it to stop. aloud on, We mntherin
old strange ingen; yers got a passenger
aboard tha,'s Ief, behind !"
A swell, while being measured for a
pai-o boots, observed, Make them GOV
er the calf. "Impossiblew exclaimed
the as,onnded bco,maker. surveying his
customer from head to foot; n have rot
leather enough"
When the first Greek fire sbeII from
Gilmore's batteries exploded in ChatIes
ton, n con;raband, who witnessed (he
spectacle, Jumped up. and capped his
hands, exc!siming, ssee dnr! nell hab
laid an egg y
a dranken fellow had wandered into
Sunday school snd took a seat among tho
primer scholars, when The teacher accost
ed him with. WHY, James, do vou
ma'am, in the gall OF bitnest, n bonds
Tnqrity. Ask Inc some hard queSh'ns."
Woman is like ivv,-tbe more Won are
ruined. the closer she cIngs 20 vou A
vile bachelor adds, "Ivv is like woman-
the more il clings 10 you, the more YOU
nre ruined" Poor ru!e that don't work
both ways.
A lady making ir1uriea Of boy hbou,
his father, an incorporate man, who bad
been sick for some time. asked whether he
had regained his appetite "No ma'am.'
said the hor, mot ezactly-his appetite is
very poor, but his drinkatite is as good as
ever"
"As 7 was going over the bridge the
other day." said native OF Erin, IL met
Pat Hewins. 'llswios,' says /. how are
you = Pretty well, thank you, Donnel
ly,' says he. DonneIIy,' says I, 'lhat's
not my name Faith, then, no more is
mine Hewins.' So with that wa looked
at each other again, an sure enough, 1t
was nayther Of u.s."
81 say, YOU Sam Johnsing, does YOU
know anything about dis woman, Polly
Ticks, dat white folks talk so much about
"WeIl, | doesn't You are too hard for
dis child dis time" "Why, Sam. tort
you knowed ebsry ting" $50 | doz. I
knows Polly Jones, what sells coffee in de
vegetable market, apd.,I knows Polly
Tonson. what d. "a, gwSio,osl to dsy's
work up in sllS'ssspy ha<s when il
zones 10 Polly TisksTsahe8sfsd Guess
you'd better AK shite fdks, rPsse dey
peer to know all about her,