The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1867-08-29
Artemus Ward.
a "Reminiscences OF Mark Twain.

III Cdu ETduClSCO, anu ny INVITATION DTeak
; tasted with him. 1t was almost religion
: there in the silver mines, to precede such a
u meal with whisky cocktails. Artemus
with the true cosmopolitan instinct. always
deferred to the customs of the country he
was III, and so he ordered three of those
, denominations. Kingston was present,
} am match for nearly any beverage you
can mention except whiskey COG ktail, and
, therefore said | would rather not drink
one. said it would go right to my head
and confuse me so that [ would be in IA
helpless tangle in ten minutes did not
want to act like a lunatic before strangers.
But Artemus gently insisted, aud | drank
the reasonable mixture under protest, aud
ielt all the time was doing thing might
oe sorry for. In minute or two began
TO imagine that my ideas were getting
clouded' | waited i'll great anxiety for the
conversation to open, with a sort of vague
nope that my understanding would prove
clear, after all, and my misgivings ground
less.
Artenus dropped an unimportant remark
or two, and tlen assumed look Of super
human earnestuess, and made the following
astounding speech. lie said:
Now, there is one thing ought to ask
you about before | forget it. You have been
here in silverland-here 10 Nevada-two or
three years, and, Of course, your position on
the daily press has made it necessary for
you to go down to the mines and examine
them carefully in detail, and therefore you
know all about the silver mining business.
Now, what want to get at is-is-wel,
the way the deposits of ore are made, you
know For instance Now, as | under
stand it, the vein which contains the silver
is sandwiched in between castings of gran
tie, and runs along the ground, and sticks
up like curbstone. Well, take a vein of
forty feet thick for example-or eighty for
that matter, or even a hundred-say you
go down on it with a shaft-straight down
you know, or with what you call an ''in-
cllned' maybe you go down five hundred
feet or maybe you don't go down two hun
dred, anyway, you go down, and all this
time this vein grows narrower, when the
ca8lngs come nearer, or approach each 9th
er' as you may say; that is, when they do |
approach, which Of course they do not al
ways do, particularly i'll cases where the |
formation is such that they stand apart wi
der than they otherwise would, and which !
geology has failed to account for, although /
everything in that science goes to prove
that, all things being equal, it would, if it /
did; and then of course they are Do not /
you think it is %
| said to myself, ''now just knew how !
1t would be-that cussed whiskey cocktail |
has done the business for me; don't under !
stand any more than clam" And then
said aloud, 'I-I-that is if you don't /
mind, would you,-would you say that over
again? Iought-"
ooh certainly, certainly You see that |
am very unfamiliar with the subject and
perhaps don't present my case clearly, |
but l."
mo, Mono, no-you state it plain
enough, but that vile cocktail has muddled
me little But will UNI do understand, |
for that matter, but would get the hang Of
1T all the better if you went over it again
and I'll pay better attention next time"
lie said, )" why, what was after, was
this Tile became even more fearfully i'm.
pressive than ever, and emphasized each
particular point by checking it off on his
finger ends. "This vein, or lode, or ledge,
or whatever you call it, runs along between
two layers of granite, just the same as if it
were sandwich. Very WELL Now SUB. |
pose you go down on that, say thousand !
feet, or may be twelve hundred, lit don't |
really matter) before you drift: and then |
you start your drifts, some of them across |
the ledge, and others across the length of it. |
where the sulphurets-I believe they call |
them sulphurets, though why they should, |
considering that, SO far as l can see the
mann dependence of miner does not so lie |
as some suppose, but in which it cannot be
successfully maintained, wherein the same
should not continhe while part and parcel |
OF tue same are not committed to either in
the same referred to, whereas under differ
cut circumstances the most inexperienced |
among US could not detect it if he did, or
scorn the very idea of such thing, even
though 1t were palpably demonstrated as
such Am not right p
1 said sorrowfully, 81 feel ashamed of my
self, Mr.. Ward. know l ought to understand
you perfectly well-but you see that internal
whisky cocktail has got into my head, and
now cannot understand even the simplest
proposition. 1 told you how it would be-"
"Oh, don't mind it, don't mind it, the
fault was my own, no doubt-though |
did think l was making it clear enough
for'-
Don't say word. Clear Why you sta
ted it as clear as the sun to anybody but an
abject idiot, but it's that COMPOUNDED cocktail
that has played the mischief"
'No, now don't say that-I'll begin it al
over again, and''-
Don't now-for goodness, sake don't do
anything of the kind-because tell YOU nv
head is in such a condition that don't be-
lieve could understand the most trifing cues
ton man could ask me-"
''Now, don't you be afraid. I'll put it so
plain this time that you can't help but get the
hang it Wen begin at the very beginning
Leaning far across the table, with determin-
ed impressiveness wrought upon every feature
and fingers prepared to keep tally of each
point, as enumerated, and I leaning forw ard
with painful interest, also resolved to compre-
bend or perish You know the vein, ledge, the
thing that contains the metal, whereby it con-
stitutes the medium between all other forces,
whether of present or remote agencies, so
brought to bear on the former, against the lat
ter, or the latter against the former. or all or
ooth, or compromising, as far as possible, the
elatlYe differences existing within the radius,
whence eliminates the several degrees of sim
llarity, to which
l said, so, blame my wooden head, it amt
any use lit amt any use to try can't I'M
derstand anything. The palmer you get it,
the more can't get the hang of it,"
| heard a suspicious noise behind me and
turned in time to see Kingston lodging behind
a newspaper and quacking with gentle &C.
| stacy of laughter looked at Ward again, and
| he had thrown of his dread solemnity and
was laughing also. Then saw that had been
sold-that had been made victim of q swim
die in the way of q string of plauaibly worded
sentences that didn't mean anything under