davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26
Eieetioneering Stories.

A story is going about the London clubs
OF candidate for vacant seat in Parlia-
ment. He was walking through the streets
of the borough with his attorney. whes q
neutral voter was pointed out. The legal
adviser said that the candidate had better
tackle the voter at once. F" What is his pro-
fession ?" said the candidate. Il am not
sure, e,".was the reply, but rather think
he is trunk maker How do you do,
how do you do. my dear sir ~ says the cam
dida,e. :. Hew very fortunate that have
made your acquaintance. Mrs. X. has
been travelling about good deal lately.
and has worn out her trunk. Please make
me the very best trunk that you possibly
can.' 81 am much hattered By your COM
mands,'' said the voter, bu, / am not
trunk-maker." "Oh, yes, you are" says
ihe candidate. "No, indeed, I am not
says the voter. Then, pray, what are
your" says the candidate. !" Ii you please,
sir, am cofin-maker." "Oh, that will
do just as well," said Mr.. ", the candidate.
Please make me coffin the rery best
coffin you possibly can.' The voter said:
" Please, sir, you are joking now don't
like that" Mr.. x, in reply, Never was
more serious in my liie.n "well,r says
the voter, all is fair in the way Of business.
But be good enough to give me . written
order" By all manner of MEANS" said
Mr.. Y, who At once gave the written ORDER
About week afterwards hearse with
prumes and feathers drove up to comfort>
able family ms nsion in one Of the London
parks, and out came coffin. The servants
we're Mortified, and declined to take the dark
object indoors. The undertaken was inex-
orable. Mr.. \. was at dinner; and. being
interrogated by his servant, desired the
coffin to be brought into the house. But
where shall we put it? said Mrs. X.
Under the bed, said Mr.. X. To this Mrs.
\. decidedly objected. Soon all the SER
wants came and began to insinuate symp-
toms Of giving warning. They could not
think Of abiding in the house with coffin.
Mr.. x. then ordered it to be taken to his
chambers in the Temple. On one Of his
friends asking what he had done with
his coffin, he admitted that be had put .
whole set Of voluminous Law reperts into il.
The said candidate is likely to hear more
Of this when he goes among his newly :orm.
ID acquaintance in the borough.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

4 correspondent has a good anec-
dote Of man who rarely failed to
60 to bed intoxicated, and disturb
his wife all night. Upon his being
charged by q friend that he never
went home sober, he Indignantly de-
MED it, and gave the incidents of one
particular night in proof
Pretty soon after l got into bed
my wife said; why husband what
is the mater with you? You act
strangely"
Theres nothing the matter with
me-" said ! nothing at all"
"I'm sure there is." said she /;
"you don't act natural at all. Shan't
l get mp and get something for you ?"
" And she got mp, and lighted
candle aud came to the bedside to
look at me, shading the light with
her hand"
II knew there was something the
matter With YOU said she, why, you
are sober.'"
Now this is fact and my wife
will swear to it; so don't you SANDER
me any more BY saying l haven't been
to bed sober in six months, because I
have"
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26
An Incident Of the E3ombarmeit Of Fort
Fisher.

A person who was in Fort Fisher
during the bombardment, tells the fol-
lowing story in an English magazine
ooh! the agony Of despair to see
ball and shell falling harmless from
those turrets Of iron, or rolling like
pellets along the low decks, whilst the
gallant defenders Of Fort Fisher were
falling in sheaves within q fortifica-
ton which would, four short years be-
fore, have deied the efforts Of any
navy,-'a work. as Porter says,
Stronger than anything Sebastopol
could boast Of One day q happy
shot succeeded in finding its way into
a weak spot Of a two-tusreted mon-
ster; piece of iron evidently was
turned mp, and jamed the turret.
Harah. one at least disabled, thought
the poor Confederates. BY Joye.
see two sailors quietly walk ont. and
set themselves down. the one holding
chisel, the other striking with ham
mer, they were cutting away the OBJ
struction; and so secure was the
monitor against any vital injury in
fiicted on her, that, although silenced.
she would not retire from her position.
a swarm of Southern rifiemen we're
thrown out to slay the two bold feder-
ais but no one hit them, and they
worked on calmly, until General
Whiting generously interfered, and
said "Such gallant fellows deserve
to live; cease firing my lads, at them"
So the iron was cut away
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

And what the d-do you mean BY
almost driving over me - replied the
holder in true Yankee spirit Of answer
ing one question by asking another.
''Let 90 the horse"
IL will not -
The driver dismounted, advancing
toward the other Whip in hand. and
shortening his hold upon the handle,
sung out in voice of thunder.
Il tell you, sir, let 60 that horse. :"
s'I'll be d. if do!'
"You wont -
"No."
"Well, then replied the driver,
throwing his whip in the vehicle, and
planting his hands comfortably in his
pockets. "Well then just hold him,
will you 2" So saying, with polite
bow and quizzical grin, he vanished in
the cabin.
The crowd Of passengers Who had
beeu standing spectators Of the fight"
roared alond, not quite as gently. how
ever, as sucking dore," and content
ing party, dropping the reins as it
they we're unpleasantly warm. march,
ed off for the other end of the boat, his
whole appearance bearing striking
resemblance TO that of man detected
in the act of purloing his neighbours
mutton.-N r. Spirit Of the Tunes.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

The Loss BIT NOT TAKING THE COUNTY
PAPER.-tienerslly speaking, but little i'm
portance is attached to the taking of q
county newspaper. This neglect and indif.
ference had its practical reward the other
day.
Some time ago a gentleman in this town
was appointed an auditor to distribute tho
funds in the hands of MI administrator
Of the auditor was published in two Of the
county papers.
Ii SO happened that few creditors resid-
ing in certain portion Of the county, who
had claims collectively to the amount of
seven or eight hundred dollars, from the
neglect Of taking q county paper never
heard Of the audit until the report Of the
auditor had been confirmed BY the court.
They then came to town to inquire about
the likelihood Of securing their claims !;
called upon an attorney, who examined into
the matter. and informed them that they
had forever lost their money: and We rre>
sumo charged them five dollars for the in
formation. All this resulted from being too
penurious or too careless to subscribe for q
county paper.
Those gentlemen learned . lesson that
will last them the balance of their lives /;
and it is . warning to others, who, for the
same motives, fail to subscribe for their
county paper.
There Is scarcely man in the community
who will not be caught up some day on q
legal notice, that does not take the paper
unless he clandestinely reads his neighbor's,
and every gentleman should be above liter
ary pilfering like tbis.-Exchange.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26
DUBUQUE AND MONROE RAIL
ROAD.

The daily Wisconsin, in noticing the pas.
sage Of the Dubuque aud Monroe railroad
bill BY the Wisconsin legislature, says, that
not only the citizens Of Milwaukee but the
people of Central and Southern Wisconsin
will rejoice that the bill passed that body by
the decisive vote Of 65 to 25. The Wiscon,
sin also says that it is one of the most i'm
portant business measures that has passed
the legislature Of the State in many years.
BY the construction ofseventy miles Of rails
way direct communication is opened into the
chief commercial ely of Wisconsin. The
Wisconsin affirms that the road will be built
without burdening the state, counties or cit
les with single dollar Of additional iudebs-
edness. The fund will be obtained by issue
ing FIRST morgaged bonds on the Milwaukee
and Prairie du Chen railroad. The bill has
been sharply opposed BY iniyiduals who care
much more for the price Of their railroad
stock than they do for the benfits resulting
to the people from the col struction of anoth.
ca mile ofrailway in Wisconsin. But ut the
present day selfishness is compelled to yield
to the necessity Of public improvement, and
the men who stand in the way Of improve
ment generally 60 down under the iron pres
sure Of an irresistible public sentiment
Under this bill the preferred stockholders
will get first morgaged bonds. This is full
justice.
There have been very animated discussions
on this bill. Able LAWYERS have been heard
on both sides. The railroad committees
have been enlightened with every possible
evidence bearing upon the question. Inthese
discussions, the Wisconsia says, the speech
nft ko {as,t cf hc L.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

JOKE on RocuEsrER School
MARx.-The Rochester Express tells
the following joke at the expense Of
one Of the female teachers in that ci.
ty.
The lady was announcing to her pu-
pills the holiday on the 22d, and ask
ing them some questions concerning
its observance, among others, Why the
birthday Of Washington should be
celebrated more than that of any ono
else. :" Why" she added. more than
mine? You may tell me- she said
to little fellow, eager to explain, and
who evidently had but one idea in his
childish brain associated with the
name Of Washington. Because"
he exclaimed with great viyacity, .sbc.
cause be never told q lie."
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26
From the Chicago Journal.
CHILDllDOD,S HOME.

Where'cr our weary footsteps stray,
Through this dark vale of tear,
Though we be cheered by hopes bright ray
Or cIonded BY dark fears;
Down with Memory's golden, cleaning track,
Our thoughts will ever roam,
And fancy fondly bear us back
To Childhood's happy home,
0, be that home where glaciers rise,
Amid eternal snow,
Or be 1t where soft summer skies
In c,oudless beauty glow;
o. be il but lowly cot,
As 'twele a palace dome,
'Tis to the heart sacred spot
For q! 'tis Childhood's home.
gaze in mourning down the past,
Through avenues Of years,
Where Love its brightest jewels cast,
All changed, alas to tears;
No. the bright star through sorrow CLEANS,
That sll my gricfs beguils-
Still in my heart its glory beams
My mothers loving smile,
Blest be the hearts that made thee b, ight!
Home Of my happy hours!
Be cleaning round them love and light,
And blooming sweetest flowers
And they that slumber still in death,
May blossoms DER them bloom,
Let memory twinc her brightest wreath
To deck Affections tomb.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

A PEW WoRDs FOR CHrIDnEN-
You were made to be kind, generous
and maenanimous. IF there is . boy
in the school who has . club foot,
don't let him know that you ever saw
it. If there is boy with ragged
clothes, don't talk about rags when he
is in hearing. If there is lame DIV,
assign him some part Of the game
which does not require running. If
there is hungry one, give him part
Of your dinner. Ifthere is dull one,
help him to get his lesson. If there
is bright one, be not envious ofhim;
for ifone boy is proud Of his talents.
and another envious Of them, there
are two great wrongs, and no more
talents than before. If q larger or
stronger boy has injured you, and is
sorry for it, forgive him, and request
the teacher not to punish him. All
the school will show BY their counte-
nance how much better it is to have
great soul than a great Horace
Mann.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

A HoRsE's PErrIox TO HIS DR,vxR. =
"Going up hill, whip me not coming down
hill, hurry me not; on level road, spare me
not; looss in stable, forget me not Of hay
and corn, rob me not; Of clean waAsf,
stint me not; Of soft dry bed, deprive me
not tired and hot, wash me not II sick or
cold, chill me not; aid when you are
angry, strike me not
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

Pray excuse bit of sarcasm"
said Smith to Jones; shut yon are an
infamous liar and scoundrel." Pray
pardon a touch Of irony" replied
Jones. as he knocked him down With
4 poker.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26


LITERARY CULTuRE.-A curies set Of in>
habitants they must have at Burlington,
judging from the following from the Hamk.
eye. Even little independence does much
better than that.
"This town has received name abroad
for its manner Of supporting its literary in.
sthutions. Nearly all the lecturers from
abroad have left this town with an i'll will
toward it, and have blown abroad its repu-
tation in this respect. Literary and library
associations starve, although composed Of
the best class Of our young men. Every
exertiou toward that popular and valuable
mode Of instruction, the lecture room, fails
no support-no encouragement-follow
by failure and financial loss-exertions still
being made, and the failures and loss met,
amounting to hundreds of dollars, by these
young men who are the least able to meet
them, and who still struggle to build up an
enterprise that has everything to recommend
it. They work and fail A negro minstrel
troupe-a low order Of amusement that a
former, though now changed condition Of
national affairs made popular-a minstrel
troupe comes to the city, and on q rainy.
stormy Saturday night they have crowded
hall, with many ladies in attendance. This
all shows that either Burlington is not edu.
Gated up to the responsibility whlch is pre-
sented by our neighboring cities, or, that
having learned all that can be learned, there
is nothing now but TO be amused. Those
lecturers from abroad that have visited our
city and received good audiences, have only
received them by their celebrity. The peo>
pie 60 only to see the person. II they should
lecture the succeeding night they would have
no audience. We cannot call 10 mind Any
celebrated lecturer visiting this city twice.
The cities all around US have had the best
and most able lecturers that the land boasts
Of These lecturers pass quietly through
Burlington unnoticed on their way to fill
other engagements. The literary societies
are not to blame they do well, but after
taking up collections among themselves time
after time 10 pay the losses incurred, they
wish to spare the reputation Of the city BY
not insulting the lecturers BY empty halls
Burlington Hdrkye.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

A lady just arrived in Washington
espied the dome Of the capital, and in
quired If it were the gas work..
" Yes" said a bystander for the ma
ton"
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26
CHOICE LOT OF
Valuable Farm Lands
TOHR aDAIsD
AT REASONABLE PRICES,

Thirteen hundred acres l,s miles from
Winthrop Station.
Three hundred and twenty acres one mile.
and two hundred and fo.ty acres adjoining Ma
sonville Station.
Northwest Of the Southeast Of section 80,
in tow nship 80, raage7.
The above lands comprise only small por-
tion Of the valuable land now being offered for
sale by the undersigned. and among which
will BE- found many choice farm locations. well
adapted TO either grain or grazing purposes,
well watsred. and convenient to market AL
so. a few Choice Village Lots in Independence
and Winthrop.
34-tfl LEE 4 WEART.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26
INDEPENDENCE IOWA, FRIDAY APRIL &C. 1867.

or any fashion Of gambling, that man il fear
fully demoralized who, looking at the dollar
in his palm. says, That came easier than
if had earned it by honest labor" He
has lost the clue to his way through the NOR.
tal labyrinth, and must henceforth wander
as chance may dictate. To his distorted
apprehension, the universe has be ONE a
gaming table, and life succession Of ven,
lures on the red or on the black. HIS pros>
poets Of winning thereat, in the long run,
are miserable enough.
! am panied to hear any one say, Of the
wisest and best man living, pin my faith
To him. / am sure he can never 20 wrong y
Ny friend! you have right to repose i'm.
plicit faith in God alone! Man is frail, a.
best, and be who was upright and noble yes.
terday, may prove false and unworthy to.
morrow. Cling to truth and justice, though
all the world should desert and decry the m
Give your conscience eyes, aud never fear
that it will mislead you. Others may be
richer in knowledge and wisdom than you
but pure and lofty soul has no earthly SUI
perior, and should recognize none. Hold
fast to whatsoever is righteous; and, what>
ever clouds may for the moment enwrap you,
and intercept the smile Of heaven, never be
so infidel as to doubt that the path Of virtue
is the only way Of safety-the only way that
leads TO pcrfec: and enduring peace.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

Fight hard against hasty temper. An.
ger will come, but sssist it'ssrongly, and
pray against i. a spark may set houss
ON 6ss. A 6t Of passion may give vcu
cassc to mourn all the days Of your life.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

Write your name. BY kindness, love, and
mercy, on the hearts Of people you come ia
contact With, year by year, and you viii
never be forgotten.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26

A grandson Of John James Audubon the
ornitho!agist is broker in wall street.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-04-26
WALL PAPER
At
Waggoner & Co.'S.
Notice..
To AN Persons who are DESTROYS
of iScttin0 Fruit Trees,

Apples, Pears, Plums, Cherries, either Standard
or Dwarf. Currants Of all varieties, Grapes, Ev-
errrsens, Towering Shrubs, and in fact every
thing in the limo OF tho Nursery business, may
be purchased by calling at tho Nursery, one
mile west Of tho city, soon, and leaving orders
for the same. AZ am appointed An agent foI
The sale Of anything in that line by Mr.. Shear
nan, Of the Rockford Nurseries. therefore every
body win And it to their sdvantage 20 call on ne
su1seibsr before purchasing elsewhere.
S1.Nfl JOHN 8. BoUCH.
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1867-08-14
VERY LATEST.

ST. LOUIS, Aug II.
1t has come to light here within a few days that
extensive frauds have been perpetrated on the
United States Pay Department through forged sol
diers' discharge papers. Tie amount paid in this
department is SAID to be very large There an
pears 10 be an organized system for the collection
OF money on forged papers not only here, but in
Washington, Baltimore, New York aud other cas-
tern cities.
A man named Frank W. Howard has been ar
rested here, IN whose house large quantity of
forged discharge papers and transportation youch-
crs were found, and two men named Bernard and
Benedict were arrested at Leavenworth a few days
since while attempting to collect money on similar
papers Col Rogers, United States Marshal ior
this District, and Deputy Marshal French Of Kan
sas len for New York and Washington on FRIDAY
TO ferrit the matter out II is believed that inn
mcnse sums OF money have been paid by different
United States disbursing officers forged pa
pers.
LONDON, Aug. l2-Midnight.
In the House Of Lords tonight, the considera-
ton Of the reform bin was resumed. Earl Derby
was present and moved that the House recede
from all MS amendments to the bill except the one
providing for representation Of miuorities which
had been accepted by the House OF Commons -
After long debate the motion was put and car
ried IN favor of the Government
PARIS, Aug. u.
II rs again asserted that meeting will certainly
take place between the Emperor and King Of
Prussia.
WAsuNGroN Aug 49,
1t is believed that Gen. Grant will hold the Of
Gye Of Sec OF War only short time, there being
good authority for the statement that the Presi-
dent about year aud half ago, offered the office
to Cen steadman OF Ohio aud requested thai gem
tleman, who was then in New Oileaus, to Visit
Washington Immediately for consultation with
him The General had received a leave of alb
sence from his Office Of collector Of internal reve-
nue., but ON account OF illness did not come to the
euy The President tel, graphed him personally.
From tins circumstance it is probable that ON his
arrival the war Office will again be rendered TO
Gen, Steadman and there seems to be but little
doubt that he will now accept it. lie is expected
here in few days.
The President, II rumors are TO be relied on, is
ANXIOUS that all the members Of his cabinet should
send IA their designations, as he wishes to make
general change. Seward and McCulloch's re,ip-
nations would probably give him great pleasure,
II beng siai'l that he nis already made prepara-
tons TO I'll their places, 80 that no DELAY night
follow lhe sudden yacatng OF their Offices
Reports are in circulation looking 10 a speedy
decapitation Of Judge holt and Gen. Sheridan.
Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1867-08-14

The recognized organ Of President johnson adj
mits that Secretary Stanton is TO be allowed to hol
Office for a time But it says it does not follow
however, that he will attend Cabinet consultation
These are not held ia virtue Of law. They are
purely discretionary with the President who Is,
neither obliged TO confer with his Secretaries in
formal meetings, nor is he restricted TO the Heads
Of Departments in seeking advice upon public aE
fairs. SO far 30 good. But the same organ learns
from a ususlly well informed source, n that after
giving Mr. Stanton time to get the advice Of his
friends, the President will certainly suspend him
from the further execution of the functions Of the
office Of Secretary of War; in case his rcsignauon
is not banded in
II Mr. johnson, then, knows his own mind
which is hardly point for discussion--tho whole
thing is substantially s,tod. Mn Stanton,
friends certainly will not advise him to change hi,
course and resign. IL j. not very probable that
he will Of his own accord make such a change in
this stage of the affair The President, them will
use his power Of suspension and appoint tempo
rary head OF the War Department. That will be
comparatively easy, but then will come the some
what more formidable task Of complying with the
following provision of the Tenure Of Office
act
And in such case il shall be the duty Of tho
President, within twenty days after the first day
such neNt meeting Of The Senate 90 report 90 the
Senate such suspension with the evidence aud
reason OF bis action DO the case"
That Is the President must show 90 the satislac-
uon OF the Senate that Secretary stanton has bocu
guilty of misconduct in office, or crime or has
become incapable or legally disqualified TO perform
the duties OF his office. IT be- fails ia that he
iustiGcs Edwin NJ. Stanton and condemns Andrew
johnson. That's the whole case now 49, boston
.Jouru1y