Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1867-12-04
A School Boys Letter.

JOHN QUILL gets off the following
neat burlesque in the New York Sun,
day Dispatch:
BIRcHTowN AoHDEMY, Sept. 80.
DEAR Pop Il am getting along first
rate at the school, and I like it very
much, all except Whacks, the assistant
" Old Beeswax," we call him, and we
are down on him like a pile-driver. all
US boys, for he's ignorant. Why, he's
so ignorant he don't know a blackboard
from a dark night, no, he don't and.Bill
Ferguson he put torpedor under Zach
leg of old Beesey's chair yesterday and
when he sat down (you see he sets down
like he had ballast in him) why the tor
pedors they exploded and like 20 blow
ed him through the roof Golly, but
wasn't he scared He looked at the
almanac to make sure it wasn't the 4th
of July, and then he came down, look
ing mad, and licked Bill like blazes.-
But Bill said he didn't care a cent, and
the next time he would sprinkle gun
powder in his hair, and burst his old
frontispiece off Of him.
DR. Goggles, he's a nice enough old
feller, only he viii sit and chew gum
drops right before US boys, and never
say take some, once.
He wears green specs. and Bill Fer
guson, he called him odd four eyes one
day, which the doctor, he heard Bill say
it, and he nailed him and dragged him
up to the desk, and then he gave US a
lecture, and said there was once a boy
he knew, and he was about Bills size,
who insulted a gray headed old man, and
called him wicked names, aud the next
day-the very next morning-that boys
mother died Of infammatory rheuma-
tism, and his sister broke out with bun
ions.
Bill, he cried, while the doctor held
him by the shirt collar, but he winked
at the boys as he came away, and wrote
on piece Of paper, and threw it over
to me, that he thought the doctor was
"a blower, and he darsent hit a boy of
his size.
I want some new books very much,
about ten of them, and they will cost
eight dollars. Please send the money
for them. Don't send the books, for the
doctor likes US to buy them here.
I don't want any money for tafy or
marbles for I don't care about them;
but be sure not to send anything but the
money for the books.
I am in good health. Twas taken sick
last week, and had sore eye for few
days, but it is now we'll.
We was a playing mumbley peg out
on the grass, and Bill Ferguson, he grab
bed my knife. I told him he better
give me that knife up or I would tell
you, and get you to lick him when you
came down, and he said he could lick
you and dozen like you, and then he
dared me to knock chip off his shoul-
der.
And Jake McGinnis, he pushed me
against him, and that knocked the chip
off, and Bill, he struck me over the nose
three or four times, and said he'd burst
me on the snoot' if I didn't dry up, for
1 couldn't help crying, and I was taken
sick, and couldn't go to school all that
day.
And the doctor, he locked Bill up in
the garret, but he didn't care, for he
clumb out on the roof, and was chasing
around after Tom cats, up and down,
almost all the morning and pulling plas-
ter out of the chimney to throw at peo-
pie in the street.
Give my love to all at home, and
don't forget the money for the books.
Bill is about fourteen; do you think
he can lick you?
Please send the money, and believe
me your affectionate son,
H. NJ. WILKINS.
P. S-Don't forget to send the money
for those books.