Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1867-05-22
PLAT.

THAT.
The following phunny article on phat,
is from the Saturday Evening Post:
! adore fat people. regard them with
hopeless admiration. ! even delight to
behold fat men. For fatness indicates
good temper and good living. We in
stinctively associate good nature with ad-
ipose tissue. And ninety nine times out
of a hundred we are right. Either fat
ness makes people good natured, or else
good nature makes people fat. don't
know which it is, and don't care--but
know that, almost without exception,
fat folks are good natured. They enjoy
life. They do not worry the aesh off
their bones They are the people who do
not cry over split milk.
Fatness is absolutely Incompatible with
cold -blooded wickedness. Did you ever
see fat gambler? Great criminals are
never fat. Once saw man who had
murdered his wife. He was thin as a
shadow by moonlight, hungry, viscious
wretch, who looked as though he would
like to murder lie. if ne could once have
laid his ten fingers on me. ] would stake
my ears that, since the world began, no
desperate coIspirator ever weighed two
hundred pounds. Robespierfe was as
thin as a diied herrin. So are most old
maids. Bless you, yes And you never
heard Of sncakiDg cut-throat. or assassin,
or professional murderer who was fat. 1t
cannot he, 1t is not in the nature of
things.
Fat men are jolly. and comfortable,
and good -natured They don't fly out in
a passion. They never sputter. They
will nearly always let you tease and
tease them until you are out of breath,
and they wont say word. AS rule,
they do not object to your having your
OWE way. That is the best trait about
them. And they don't say sarcastic things
about girls bonuets aud waterfalls, as the
lean, scraggy newspaper reporters are al
ways doing. Not they. Your snappish
married man is lean and nervous. He is
the fussy, peevish husband who RACES
about his collars. pokes his nose into the
kitchen, and fumes around like an old
hen. But verify, fat men are Lot so.
They are the ne plus ,ultra Of husbands.
And if | were going to paint splendid
man-angel, should picture him with a
curly moustache, and not weighing less
than hundred and ninety. t
If fat men are good. fat women arc bet.
ter. They seldom have Mysteries. And
what a sight it is to see them laugh How
the merriment riprles over their plump
cheeks They are not given to fretting
The uneasy, fretting creature who puts
the whole house in hot water, and keeps
it there from morning till night, who is
sourer than last years cider, is always
the leanest of women. She ought by all
means to be married to the snappish hus
band. So that they might have it out
with each other, cat and dog If there is
one person in the world who surpasses all
the remaining female sex-it is the wo-
man who does not fret. She is golden
woman. and can drive nail beside. You
don't often find her, but when you do, you
will find her fat. She appears to be a
cross between quakcress and healthy
angel. She is cooling and soothing to
have around. She makes you think of
sweet cream and white lilies and honey,
all in breath. She is merry as blue
bird, the year round. and better than ton
ic bitterS. She never worries you nor
makes you swear. She is the queen Of
womankind, is the woman who dces n 1t
fret But mark this: She is always fat.
The best singers are invariably fat. The
singing temperament runs with adipose
tissue as naturally as water runs down
| i'll. Look at the best professional sing.
ers. if you do not believe it. Adipose
tissue somehow infuses spiritual oil into
the whole nature. Lubricating even the
harshness of the voice. OF course fat
person sings well. He ought to be starved
if he didn't f
Oh to be fat Oh to be plump, aud jol-
ly, and easyl To have your nerves COM
fortably covered up To have them not
lying out bare upon the surface, inaamed
by every breath of wind. quivering and
shuddering at every sound. Fat people
do not know the miseries of thin people,
or they would bless the Lord every day
that they are not as other men. They
would think upon their mercies, and be
thankful that they are not doomed to
neuralgia and frettiug. And IL they are
obliged to wear bigger boots. to be sure
their we'll padded toes won't punch thro'
tLo hoot. ka "A ao acor If thav ID hraa b