Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1867-05-04
How I Read the Morning Papers.

How Read the Morning Papers.
If there is time when sigh for the
Gave of Adullam, whatever that may
be, it is when, my coffee swallowed, my
fingers clutch my precious, damp morn
ing papers, for blessed quiet read.
/ just begin with an editorial, which
requires little chewing, when up comes
Biddy with a'sm, there's q hole in
the biIer.p The "bler " settled, j go
back to the place indicated by my fore
:nger, where the editor was saying that
Congress when somebody upsets the
coffee pot in an attempt to burlesque
last nights public performance. The
coffee pot set right end up, and the coffee
pond drained off the table cloth, return
again to my beloved editorial, when
Biddy again appears with " Ma'am, the
man has come to mend the door handle
as is broke" That nuisance disposed
of, l clutch my paper and retreat in self
defense to the top Of the house, and com,
mence to read again, that Congress
when | am interrupted with loud shouts
of where's mother? Mother where
are your i disdain to answer.
"Mot6er ?" In despair, j cry, in tragic
tones, ".Well, what is it2' "a poor
soldier is at the door with pictures at
thirty cents piece, and he has but one
arm" "Well, have but one life-but for
mercys sake take his pictures, and
don't let in anything else, man, wo-
man or child, till / read my paper
through" / begin again: If Con-
cress - when Biddy, who is makingthe
bed in the next room, begins bowling
"Swate Ireland is the land for me. j
get up and very mildly request in view
of possible visit to an Intelligence
Ofice-that she will oblige me by defer.
ring her concert till l get through my
morning paper. Then / begin again
"If Congress -" when up comes pater-
familias to know If it is to be beef, or
chicken, or veal, that he is to order for
market for that days dinner. Possum,
if you like" mutter, with both fingers
on my ears, as | commence again, II
Congress =" Paterfamilias laughs and
retreats, exclaiming, Shadrachs vot a
wornansh - and l finish Congress-,
and begin on the book reviews A knock
on the door "Six letters, ma am. |
open them. Three for an autograph" "
with the privilege of finding my own en-
velope and stamp, and mailing it after
wards. One with request for me to
furnish a speedy composition to save
a school.boy at a deadlock of ideas,
from impending suicide. One from a
man who has made new kind of polish,
for the legs Of tables and chairs, and
wants me to write an article about 1t IN
the Ledger, and send him an early copy
of the same. One from a girl who
never in her life owned dress bonnet,
and would like, with my assistance, TO
experience that refreshing and novel
sensation.
Foaming at the mouth, begin the
postponed list of book reviews " when
In comes paterfamilias to know " if |
haven't yet done with that paper,
That's the last ounce on the camels
back Mind you, he has just read has
morning paper, and it contains diff
ferent stripe of politics from mine, l can
tell you that Read it in peace, too
with his legs on the mantel, smoking his
pine. Read it up and down; backwards
and forwards; inside out, and upside
down: and disemboweled every shade OF
meaning from live and dead subjects
and then cody inquiries of meme, with
my hair on end in the vain effort to re-
tain any ideas through all these inter
ruptions-"if | haven't yet done with
that paper =" Oh, it's too much | sit
down opposite him. / explain how l
never get chance to finish anything
except himself | tell him my life is all
fragments. / ask him with moist eyes,
If he knows how. the price Of board
ranges at the different lunetic asylums
What is his unfeeling answer Hadn't
| better take some other hour in the day
to read the papers
"Isu't that lust like man 2
Hasn't bother aud worry "all seasons
for its own" as far as women are con-
cerned9 Would it make any difference
what "hour in the day | took to read
the papers7 Can women ecer have any
system about anything, while Riddy or
! a male creature exists on the face OF the
earth, 10 tangle up thipgsf Haven l
all nv life been striving and struggling
for that "order" which my copy-book
told me in my youth was " Heaven s FIRST
lawT And is it my fault il chaos,
which ! hate, is my unwilling portion z
Just propounded to paierfamilias
these vital questions. With eyes far of
on distant, and untried, and possible
fields Of literature, he absently replies
WWell. as you say, Fanny, ! shouldn't
wonder If It does rain to-day" Great
heavens FANNY FERE.