Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-06-15
SALMAGUNDI.


 to bear them.
 To have tarts for tea, let your wife see you kiss the waiting maid, sure thing.
 -Fathomlcss dep,hs-the depths of a woman's heart.
 When are gloves unsaleable? When they are kept on hand
 Why is a bad boarding house like a good printing office. Because it has no ..pi." A cross-grained old bachelor says that ''tin" is the favorite belle metal now days. It is not work that kills men, it is worry. It is not the revolution that destroys the machinery, but the friction.
 How many days belong to the year Three hundred and twenty-fve--the rest are Lent.
 What is the difference between a house. wife and editor? One sets articles to rights, and the other writes articles to see.
 "A little girl in school being asked what waterfall was, replied that it was hair flow ing over something, she didn't know what
 Many true heart that would have come back like dove to the ark after it's first transgression, has been frightened beyond re- call by the savage character of an unforgiying spirit.
 If a girl refuses you don't give it up, but try again. Because two negatives mako an affirmative in grammar, however, don't consider yourself accepted when girl jilts you twice.
 One of the miseries of human life is going to dine with your friend upon the strength of general invitation, and finding, by the countenance of his wife, that you had much better have waited for particular one. Wealth is not acquired, as many per sons suppose, by fortunate speculations and splendid enterprises, but by the daily prac- tice of industry, frugality and economy. He who relies upon these means will rarely be- found destitute, and he who relies upon any other will generally become bankrupt.
 "A postmaster, puzzling out a very un- certain superscription to an Irish letter, jo- cosely remarked to an intelligent son of Erin who stood by, that the Irish brought hard set of names to this country. "That's fact. yer honor," replied the Irishman 1; "but they get harder ones after they arrive here."
 --'My good fellow" said one man to another, skipping him on the shoulder, ''you are one of the men we read of
 'How sol" inquired the other, where did you read of me ?"
 '.ln the police report"
 "A few days since gentleman called upon some lady friends, and was shown into the parlor by a servant girl She asked him what name she should announce, and he wish ing to take them by surprise, replied, "Ami cus," ia friend.) The girl seemed at first Q little puzzled, but quickly regained her com posure and in the blandest manner observed ''What kind of cuss did you say, sir ?"
 Two Dutchmen once got into dispute about the English language each one con tending that he could command the best They made bet at length. and appointed judge to decide between them, and according ly they began: ''Vell, Chon," said the first, did rain to -morrow?n 'I shall tink it yash," said John. Wasn't the judge in quandary? How TO CLEANSE CIsrERN-A simple thing have accidentally learned and if not generally known ought to be, relating to stag nant, odorous water in cisterns.-Many per sons know how annoying this sometimes be- comes. After frequent cleansing, and other experiments, all to no permanent utility, 1 was advised to put say two pounds of caustic soda in the water, and it purified it in few tedly, had quite a good result. One or. both of these articles can be obtained at any druggists.
 TIE ENGLISH LANGuAee.-An accomplished American lady, at party in London, recent 1 ly was taken to task by blowsey Cockueyess, who scattered her hs in all directions, for some mispronunciation.
 .You must consider" said the fair Yankee, ''how short time have heard English spo- ken Of course my native tongue is Choctaw and if my dress and behavior are not comnie | G Gaut, think how short a time it is since wore nothing but paint and feathers and came into a room with war hoop"
 Madam Britannia looked little shocked and puzzled, but her good nature came to her res cue, and bursting into great hearty laugh, she said--
 ''well, my dear don't be hupset about hit; we're hall one flesh and blood, and I'm sure you're as white as hany of hus."