Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1867-03-15

Ransomed at the gates of Heaven.
Lyndon, Vt Feb 28, 1865.
-
IF all the world were blind, what
melancholy sight it would be! p said
an Irish clergyman.
JACKS WEDDING DIRECTIONS
say, Jack, I'm going to be spliced to-
night, couldn't you stand over on that
tack and lend US a hand in steering us
through the shoals of Post Matrimo-
ny?"
No, I'm blessed if | can, Bill cause
you see Kate and Is shipped for Dolly
Devon's fandango tonight, but as Eve
been through that ERE channel three
times, shipmate, | can give you all the
marks and deep sailin' directions, SC
you can enter port clear Of every
thing.
If you're going to do the thing uE
all shipshape, the first thing after you
gits in among the fleet, a branch pilot
there takes you in tow and moOrS you
about two fathoms from the parson
Then he brings in your consort and
anchors her yard-arm close aboard il
your starboard hand. After that he
tows another dimity craft, and moor;
her head and stern alongside Of the
bride. Next, the pilot drops dowr
himself on your port beams and there
you are all stem on the commo
dore. Then the parson he sets in will
a lingo as long as a mizzen tOp-sai
halyard, which YOU don't pay no atten
ton to till he comes to akin you if
You'll take that ere craft for you
life consort and carry sail for bette
or worse on the same tack with her
Then you sing out, aye, aye, sir,
sharp. Then Commodore Blackcoa
says you're spliced as fast as blazes
and then tells all the beauXs your wit
ever had to bear down and take tn,
last taste they're ever going to get o.
, her-p'raps. Then the fleet all max
sail and 90 diving about on the divil'
cruise after mischief. You watche
your chance, and signalize your col
sort; both Of you square away beior
it, crack on the canvass, and come t
anchor in Blanket Bay"
An American gentleman travelln
in Ireland hired a pure native as
servant, who he thought could giy
! him information about the cOuntr
Observing a beautiful residence ;
d some distance, the following collOqu
ensued:
Patrick, who lives here? 2
It's Mr.. Fitzgerald, that's dea
4 sir.
What did he die OFF,
He died of Thursday, sir.
How long has he been dead, Pa
n rick 2
'%s If he had lived till next Thursd;
Is sir, he'd been dead a year"
The gentleman, thinking Pats Wi
were wool gathering, asked:
c. Have you taken anything to dril
D to day, Patrick !?
i will, sir.
What shall it be-will you ia
liquor, or will you have grog, or sh
I'd [ make you toddy9'
IS, If your honor please, | will ia
IS the raw liquor first, thin [ can
- drinkin' the grog while you are m
ing the toddy.'
SEEING PARIS WITHOUT Your WI
IF The Munich correspondent of
lF nF New York Times is Speculating up
the cost of living in Paris during
exhibition. He adds little story
- "In this connection | must relate
EN- conversation overheard a few d;
ss in ago in one of the cafes of this ci
in Two young men were sitting by
HIS table enjoying a couple of mugs
. Brey's best and their cigars, when
said to the other: i would like f
rate to see Paris awhile this spril
There's nothing to prevent it, 5
m +bo otbnr sAhont what does it {
. per day on an average?' We'll, fo
&c hundred france a day you can see [
is splendidly.' and i'll take my Wi
$ in Oh, then fifty france day will b'
lass great plenty Strange to say, n
- young Germans prefer to visit f
IN without their wives" -
o,s A grim, hard-hearted old judge
. ter hearing fowery discourse t
a pretentious young barrister, ac
ed him to pluck out the feathers
. the wings of his inauguration
- stick them in the tail of his .judgn
EMPTY.-The thirsty man,
tore, held the jug to his ear, and giyins
- head a lively shake, heard notl
IS. exclaimed, "empty sureT And d'
- less he was correct.
g Why are some ladies of the pre-
ed in day like the lilies OF Scripture
aonco 4bn,, a ,,44 naJtbnr fn