The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31
WIT AND WISDOM.

Signal for bark-pulling dogs
tail.
New AxIoM.-A thorn in the bush
is worth two in the hand.
Woman is a delusion but men
will hug delusions.
Wait for others to advance your in
terests, and you will wait until they
are not worth advancing.
The richer man makes his food,
the poorer he makes his appetite
The best capital to begin life with is
a capital wife.
The pleasure of doing good is the
only one that never wears out.
How does COW become landed
estate BY turning her into field.
Question for Actors.-Can man
be said to work when he plays?
How do weknow that Pharoah was a
carpenter ? Why he made Joseph a
ruler.
"I'll be round this way in minute"
as the second hand said to the pendu-
lum.
81 can't find bread for my family" 4"
said a lazy fellow in company. "Nor
l." replied an Industrious miller ;
M'm obliged to work for it."
Why is tolling the bell like the
prayer ofa hypocrite ? Because it is
a solemn sound by thoughtless
tongue.
The man that forgets a good deal
that has happened, has better men,
ory than he who remembers a good
deal that never happened.
1t may seem paradoxical, but it is a
fact, that while some aver the rage for
chignons is going down, the fashion
seems to be "going up"
1t is a recent discovery that, if sta
BILE is kept clean, cows will 60 into it
of their own accord. If dirty they
have to be driven in.
Why is man ascending Vesuvius
like an Irishman trying to kissa pretty
girl ? Because he wants to get at the
crater's mouth.
Entering upon an argument with a
metaphysician is like getting into an
omnibus-you know where you start
from, but it is impossible to tell where
it will carry you.
A dying West India planter groan-
ed out to his favorite negro servant
"Ah, Sambo, Pm goingon a very long
Tourney !" "Never mind, massa," said
the negro, consolingly, "him all down
HILL"
1t was an apt answer of a young
lady, who, being asked where was hel
native place, replied, "I have none,
am the daughter of a Methodist minis.
ter"
"Mr. Jones, you said you were con.
nected with the fine arts, do you near
that you are sculptor ?" "No, sir,
don't sculp myself, but I furnish the
stone to the man what does"
| An insurance agent, urging citi.
zen to get his life insured, said: "Ge
your life insured for ten thousand, ant
then, if you die next week, the wild
der's heart will sing for joy"
A little boy having asked his moth.
er what "blood relations" meant, ant
being toldit meant near relations, said
after moments thought, "Then, mo.
ther, you must be the bloodiest rela
; ton Pve got"
The late Daniel OConnell once me
a conceited literary friend and exclaim
ed, M saw a capital thing in your las
pamphlet" "bid you 2" eagerly re
piled his delighted listener, "what wa.
it % "a pound of butter /"
AN old topper addresses his bottl
thus:
".Iis very strange that you and
Together cannot pull
| For YOU are full when am dry
And dry when am full"
A drunken fellow sitting on tn
steps Of church in Boston, the COLI
wind blowing chillingly round the cor
: ner exclaimed "If heaven (hic
Z tempers the wind to the shorn lamb,
. wish the lamb (hic) was on this cor
ner 2"
: 1t was not intended as a joke whel
q person in New York declared h
would not write line-fact or fctiol
for any Journal" "Day Book" o
: LEDGER" under the "Sun," receives
: ftoms clergymanthe quiet reply, "Nor