Delaware State journal and statesman., 1867-06-18

n tlOObtEh IhW1Eh MAIDEN DEhEtns-Iuo
following is from Western lawyer: am one.
horse lawyer away out West, doing slaving
business ION that line | was formerly young
man Of promise-from the country-in fact
was elevated from childhood by benevolent
parents in one Of the most obscure districts Of
the 'Hoosier' State.
Some days ago | was called upon to defend
various and sundry individuals who had violated
the law. AT the specified time was on hand as
usual, like bar-room loafer.
The old Squire sat on bench about fourteen
inches long lie looked as modest as foreign
aud domestic liquor dealer. His old lady took
seat where she could see the trial and hear the
'argamints.'
After imbibing small quantity Of double
distilled quintessence of blue ruin, which a jug
under the bench contained. the Squire went to o
dark closet and abstracted thsrefrom huge book
or some other mans book.
He perused one page (the first he came toy
aud looked up and said:
'Aocordin' to law, there are two ways Of start
in into the merits of this here case One s to
pussekute and tOther to lookin' arter the prison
ers defenee.'
Immediately assumed perpendicular atti
tude and informed the highly educated Squire
not to trouble himself about the defense, for
was the yeritable Lycurgus employed and edu-
Gated regardless Of expense.
When the trial was supposed to be in full
| hlunf I roaa fn mint nf nrder and with r
sarcastic look of marvellous nothinguess, pro
cesded in the following manner;
May il please the Court, the young scions o
iiminutiye intellect stand here in your putrit
presence victimized and made afraid. Now, sir
according to the magnanimous and fantastic
fundamental institutions of forensic law, de
/ clare these culprita ignOminously at liberty tt
mock your intrepid course. Your feeble ant
pusillanimous prosecution eau be externally ex
puuktaied from the arena OF high prOelivita
tions by the reflection Of modern sentiment fO
I a moment
60 back to the perpendicular antipodes o
prosaic language, sir, and you will find the oil
pod anger system vanishing into the blue fam
of dark oblivion or rayless night.
These unworthy culprits are models of ar
tIstic impunty, and you are ready to shed you
pandemonium vengeance upon the afflicted com
b. poroaiiy of the great community without stin
and with huge superstition.
The eyes of an unworthy posterity are look
ing daggers into your acerstsd heart. You
wfe-the wife of your iuoarnate bosOm-stand
ready to disfranchise you And your heterO
geueous children detest your foul proboscis wit
J, an immortal vengeance II the sun sets thi
. evening your fate is final and finished. Rsqiaes
cat IN pace.
cleared the young devils, Of course.
How To TELL a Coop TEAcHER,-A gentlema
Il from swampville was telling how many differon
occupations he had attempted Among others h
had tried school teaching.
How long did you teach p asked bystandeI
Wal, didn't teach long; thatis, only wen
to teach
'Did you hire out
e wal, didn't hire out only went to hir
out
wal, Civ it up for some reason or nuther
You see travelled into district and inquire
!, for the trustees. Somebody said Mr. Snicke
,. was the man wanted to see. 30 found MI
& Snickles-named my object introducing myse
b--aud asked him what he thought about lettin
me try my luck with the big boys and unrul
gals in the district He wanted to know if raal
3 considered myself capable; and told him
wouldn't mind his asking me few easy ques
tions in 'rithmetic and Biography, or showing m
hand writing. He said no, never mind, he coul
ID tell good teacher by bis gait
'' Let me see you walk off little ways say
he, land can tell jas wells I'd heard you eI
amned, says he.
'EIe sot in the door as he spoke, and thougl
be looked a little skitlish but was conside
able frustrated, and didn't mind much; so
turned about and walked on as smart as know
how He said he'd tell me when to stop, SO
all KEEP on tell thought I'd gone far enough-tht
'r s'pected s'thing was to pay and looked roun
WAL the door was shet and Snickles was gone
e' 'Dd you 60 back p
wal, no,--I didn't 60 back
4 'Did you apply for another schoOlF
Wal, mol didn't apply for another BohoO
- said the gentleman from SWampVille. a rath
Judged my appearance was agin me-
Mrs. PartiugtOn cannot understand either
Gladstone or Mr.. Disraily, that they should
SO anxious to pass a Bill in Parliament to gi
the people universal suffering. For her pa
she thinks there is suffering enough among t
poor people without making it universal. R
form indeed they should reform themsel,
~ first, without thinking to reform the people.
'Do you publish matrimonial notices for
:, !. subscribers to your paper = said gentleman
s. : looking youth, stepping into our office the otl
70 morning. Certainly, sir Well, then, I'll
'ad aSt and get married for don't see any other
for of getting my name in your paper, since }
t. have rejected all my pOetical SffusiOns.'
"a Am not little pale ? inquired lady v
ooS was short and cOrpulent, of crusty old bacl
lor. You look moro like big tub, was
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