Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-11-27
MENTAL INGENUITY.
OR, TRYING TO HOOK A BACHELOR,

was sitting beside him on the sofa, and
Zephyrina was playing on the harp
Mrs. Long had several daughters to dis
pose Of and Mr.. Short was a bachelor
we'll to do in the world. His temper was
a little grabbed, and his wit little sar-
castle but Mrs. Long had daughters to
marry, the eldest of whom, Zephyrina was
none of the youngest, her precise age we
do not know, and if we did, it would not
be polite to mention it.
"Don't you think my daughter Zephy-
rina is a very fine figure said Mrs. Long
with glance of maternal satisfaction.
"Umph ?" muttered Mr.. Short, as be
tapped his snuff box for the third time,
every much like figure 5, / think J"
"A figure !" said Mrs. Long, little
mortified, though she knew the disposition
of Mr.. Short. "a figure 5, do you say,
Mr.. Short. Oh, now you must be think
ing of your interest table, Compare my
daughter Zephyrina to figure 5. Fie, fie
on you, Mr.. Short you'll never get mar
ried as long as you live"
"IfI don't, it will be no fault of yours,
Mrs. Long," said MIR. Short, as he threw a
long pinch of snuff up his nose.
"True, true" said Mrs. Long, with a
look of great kindness, 81 take an interest
in the welfare of nv neighbors, and like to
see all single men provided for. Don't you
think Zephyrina plays the harp and sings
with great deal Of taste ?"
81 think her execution is uncommon"
II am glad you approve it, Mr.. Short"
81 didn't say l approved of it, Mrs. Long.
merely said twas uncommon-very
much like the noise of two cats in gut
ter"
"Oh you shocking man Mr.. Short
you've no taste, no feeling"
"But can hear very sensibiy, Mrs.
Long" putting his fingers in his ears.
you've no music in your soul,as Hand
mill says"
THAT cursed noise has driven it all
out
"Indeed Zephyrina's voice is not exact
" in tune to night but 1 think she plays
and sings remarkably well, for one of her
age don't you, Mr.. Short?"
"Umph ay-for that matter, she is in
deed rather old to learn
"Old Mr.. Short 2"
GAY, madam you know they learn these
things much better in their younger
days"
allow old do you take my daugher
Zephyrina to be, Mr.. Short p
Lord ma'am, how should know p
/ wasn't at the christening. But she's no
chicken.
GAS true as I'm alive, Mr.. Short, she is
only nine
.;And twenty, Mrs. Long? We'll, Pm
not Judge of these matters, but | should
say"
'"She looks ten years older than she real
ly is. She has very womanly look for
one of her age-don't you think she has
Mr.. Short 2"
"Umph think she has some resem-
blan:e to a woman" e'
"She was forward at fifteen, though /
say it, as most girls are at twenty five"
81 hate your forward chit
"But you don't understand me, Mr..
Short ; mean she was as forward in wo-
manly appearance"
"Oh, as to the appearance,I could swear
she had been a woman these dozen years" !"
Dancing was now proposed, and as Mr..
Short protested against shaking the foot
even though Zcphyrina was ready to be
his partner, Mrs. Long still entertained
him with the accomplishments of her
daughter.
"Dont You admire Zepbyrina's dancing"
IL can't say that I'm a Judge of those
small matters, Mrs. Long ...
You're too modest Mr.. Short
ats rare fault, Mrs Long"
"Observe with what grace she moves;--
| really think she dances remarkably, for
one of her age, don't you think SO, MIR.
Short %
"Umph think she dances much bet
ter than the elephant. In fact, the ele-
phant is very clumsy dancer"
"Fie, fe on you Mr.. Short,to compare
my daughter Zephyrina to four legged
! beastess."
"Why, that's not her fault, you know
ma'am."
"Whose fault?"
"Why, your daughters that she wasn't
made beastess too, as you call the ele-
phant" . -
81 hope no insinuations, Mr.. Short Z"
"Oh Lord no ma'am, hayn't an in
sinuation turn"
"Don't you think Zepbyrina is just
about the right height?' ..
81 think she's rather Long"
"Do you indeed, Mr.. Short? l hope
you don't think it an objection. -
"Objection Oh by no means-she
may be Long-ah, as long as she pleases
I've no objection"
"Pm glad to hear you say so, Mr. Short,
Zephyrina is certainly rather tall of her
age"
81 hate beanpole."
"How your mind is always wandering
from the point, Mr.. Short. If | talk OF
music, you talk of cats in the gutter. IT
speak of lady's dancing, you talk OF the
movements of an elephant. If speak OF
q tall young woman, you Immediately ny
to beanpole."
"That is my misfortune, Mrs. Long"
"Well, we'll, every body must have their
~. I