The Van Buren press., 1867-02-08
DEcIDEpLr Goep.-We never heard the

DEcIDEDLr Goep.-We never heard the
aneetote the old woman and turkies un.
I'll yesterday. 1t is good. An old lady,
resident OF a neighboring place, kept large
family OF turkies, perhaps sixty. She,
Ikea great many other people thought
great deal of her turkies, consequently,
valued them very highly. Opposite her
door was Westlnda goods store The
manwho kept it. one day cmpted his casks
OF cherries. intending to replace with new.
This old lady being economical, thought it
agreat pity to have all these cherries vast.
cd, and in order to have them saved, she
would just drive over her turkies and let
them eat them. In the course of the day
the old lady thought she would look after
them and see they were in no mischief
She approached the yard and 10 in one
corner laid her turkics in one huge pile.
dead, Yes, they were stone dead, What
was to be donel Surely the old matron
could not lose all the ieathersl She must
pick them! She called her daughters to
help her pick them, intending to have them
buried in the morning Morning came and
behold there were her turkies stalking about
theyard featherless enough; (as may be
supposed, crying out quit, quit feeling
no doubt mortified that their drunken fit
had been the means Of losing their coats
Poor things. ii they had said quit before
they had begun, they would not have been
in this bad fix
We would advise all young men who are
in the labi; Of drinking, to leave of before
they get picked; and to those who do not,
let every young lady say quill Grenada
Republican.
Gen. Grants pay is S1S,67S per
year, and Lieut.. General Sherman's Sl3,-
DIS. Each is allowed fifty horses. A
Major General gets S5, 500 per year, and is
.llO,ted five horses. The pay of a Drgadier
is s3.040.50. T 'Tl.
Old Cooper is Dutchman. and
like many another, OF whatever nationality,
has a wife that is "some'' One day. the
old man got into some trouble with neigh
Dor, which resulted in tight. The neigh
Dor was getting the better Of the old man,
who was resisting his antagonist to the best
OF his ability. when his wife broke ont
with--"Lie still. Cooper, ii ne kills you
III sue him for damageS!"
-"What ncly child is .hat Under the
window, Snsan?' "Why, that is nine"
replied Mrs. j. ''Oh. call the dear beau
tiful, pretty little creature in and let me
kiss her"
during an examination, medical
student was asked. "when does mortitca
ton ensue?' He replied, 'when vou pop
the question, and are answered no."
F#l0A
E-The "ten hour system" operatives
in Lowell, had very large meeting on
Saturday last, and a procession, headed by
band of music. They are now required
to work some fourteen hours, which is
more than any Southern slave was ever
asked to do. a
during the recent session Of the
Equal Rights Convention, strong mind
ed female entered a crowded street. railroad
car An old gent rose to give her q seat,
but asked, "Be you one Of those women s.
,iyhters?" Il be-" "You believe wo-
man should have all the rights of mau?'
ayes, do" "Thcn stand up and enjoy
them like man; and stand up she did.
An old bachelor, being laughed at
bys party Of pretty girls, told them, You
arc small potatoes "We may be small
potatoes" cried one Of them, "but we are
sweet ones
"A gentleman ont West tried adver-
tising for a wife. 1t worked to charm as
usual. lie says he has received in answer
TO his advertisement 794 letters, Is daguer-
reotyps likenesses Of ladies, 9 gold finger
rings, and II locks of hair. .f-
AN Irishman having been told that
the price oftbrcad had fallen, exclaimed:
This is the fist time l liver rejced at the
fall Of my hest friend"
Tile London Court Journal an.
uounces that her royal highness, the Prime.
ess Of Wales, is: and that the Princess
Helena also is. In the first case, ear.
ly in the ensuing year, and in the latter, in
April. are the specified occasions.
"A Western farmer, being obliged to
sell yoke Of oxon to pay his hired man,
told him he could not keep him any longer
"Why,' said the man. "Pll stay and take
some Of your cows in place of money
"Bat what shall do" said the farmer,
.''whcn my cows and oxen are all gomez
"Why, you can then work for me and get
them back" e3 a7
II man is not tall at twenty. hand.