American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1867-11-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

Moving for New Trial-courting
q second wife. .4 N o,.a,, s,.
TO remove stains from the character.
4 Get rich, -. c,..,,. ID, -.,i,s.s-
| Always. at the watering Places
milkmen and liquor dealers,
"A t'natural healer" has turned up
in 81! Paul: It is not Moncngahela, "
'i-Afdermah Ms notions of a
Bank Director--one who o0crtooks 1.-THE
accounts. Do au.lssu Zoo ~ ihs ra =
| --Wheaa pickpoeket pulls at your
| wath, tell him plainly that you have no
time to spare, . s,dl1eH n ,b.adg,j
To keep your doors from being, bro,
ken open by burglars, don't close them
Noah was probably the only person
| who went tosea for fsafof being drowned.
! why is irs parado1ical !? Because
the more it's coaled the hotter it GETS ii
The poorest man in the world is one
who has nothing but money. "SH'l -,
Height Of absuFdity-a vegetarian
at a. cattle ishon'q faaaiot 7ot ssmsa3
What is that which must be taken
from you before you can give IL away 7
Your photograph s'aea '7i mof t',.'ne
Ii is beauty's privilege to kill time,
and times privilege to, kill beauty.-g y.
"A good kick out ofdoors is, to some, !,
better than all the rich unoles in the
world. 51srs aTyea .vtrr,gsorg bGa r'Jr,
A Gentleman asked friend in
knowing manncr-"Pray, sir, did you
ever see cat fish !?
Matrimonial History is narrative
of many words, but the story oflove may
be told in few letters G.t aaaI IS.
The err widely who propose to turn
men to the thoughts of q better world
by making them think meanly of this.
What is that which if you take the
whole away, there will be some loft ?
Wholesome. 25NfH .'. a.s "a ',sl
awe see," said Swift, in one of his
most sarcastic moods, 'tHow little God
thinks ofiriches by the people he gives
them to-" .ae'-s -.r. E .r,nrr'
Young iady-"Going to make -four
bed here, Sniithers Why it'll quite
spoil our croquet ground" Gardeper-
Well, that's your pas orders, Miss
He'll hev it laid out for 'orticulture, not
for 'usbandry" 't' Z. 's0.' ,.''7!a''J
..-E .-.... .... .-..-..n
-" What do you mean by a cat>and-
dog life ?" said a husband to his angry
wife. Look at Carlo and Kitty asleep
on the rug together; | wish men lived
half as peaceably with their wives"
Stop" said the. lady, g tie them to.
gether and see how. they will agree"
"A negro returning from church was
in ecstacies over :theAsermou, declaring
it was the best he had ever heard. Some
one asked him to repeat part Of it,
when he scratched his wooiiy head aud
replied, nebber mocks do preacher"
William Andrews, a-wag in Eng.
land, hit off the salyage mania there, a
few days ago, by issuing prospectus for
joint stock company to drain the Red
river to recover the valuables the Egypt
ians lost, when Pharoh aud his host we're
overwhelmed by the waters in their pur,
suit of the children of Israel. -
GovERK THYsELP-An Italian Bish
op, who ha endured much persecution
with calm and unruffied temper, was
asked how he attained snch n,s ter7
over himself. by making q right use
OF my eyes," said he. 81 first look up
to heaven, as the place whittier | am
going to live forever. Inext look down
upon the earth, and consider how small
a space of it will soon be all that | ocS
cupy or want. | then look around me,
and think how many are far more wretch
ed than am. a5r a'a
"A. person in Paris noticed poor
man with wooden leg walking past his
hotel, aud gave him a franc. The next
day he saw the supposed beggafs but he
had changed the wooden leg from the
right to the left. Enraged at the decep.
tion he went up 70 the man aud exclaimed,
"You rascal you had the wooden leg on
the other side yesterdyi! You, are not
isSe at all % "Monsur - was the respuse
with dignity, Il never said Il was, l
wear wooden leg ": economy 50 as not
to wear out my trousers, ana ] change
the leg to .prevnt one leg Of the troSsers
, wearing out before the other. ~ -
l-THE 2EAsoN-At a certain college
the senior class was under examination
for degrees. The professor Of natural
philosophy was badgeriugin optics. The
point under ilhstfation was that strictly
and scientifically speaking, we see no OBJ
jeets but their images depicted on the
retiua. The worthy professor, in order to
make the mtter palmer, said to the wag
Of the class l'"Mr. Jackson, did you act>
ually ever see your father T' Bill replied
promptly, 'fNo, sir" "Pleass explain to
| the cammittee us'Sz -esi =h+sjGl s4l 90
Isa l4s,, S.gagr--yl y1S no vos saw vt,urr
iA.hef ~ because, . replied Mr. jay.
son, very gravely, che died before Itg. .