Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-03-30
SALMAGUNDI.

~AAAAAAAAAA v Av04t
 To KILI AUNTs.-IIit your unclc's wife on the head with hammer.
 Morro FOR KIss.-"Go it, my tu- lips 1" t.o,
 RJ-Why is the roof of house like d lazy dcg? Because it's a slope up. Slow pups @ 9I.
 RI- Men who fight dtefs seferafly have two seconds to live after they are dead, a
 pS-A scfibbler says fife is tod short to drink poor whisky, or to make love to ugly women.
 r9- What flower does d gentlemen name when he hears of friends mar riage? Anemone (any money)
 RSs- A toast for any celebration: "Woman! she requires no ehlogy she speaks for hcrselfo a.q..
 bss- Why are the maidens of Georgia fond of amusement? Because they are Ga. girls. as
 bgWhy cannot the mouth of the Mississippi river be useful for mechan~ ical purposes3 Because, dam it you cant. si tHsaf
 1ag- Boosting is sometimes out of place. We once heard man boast of being bachelor, just as his father was before him.
 R5s-Josh Billings says there is notl- ing more touching in this life, than to sec a poor but yirtuous young man struggling with moustachc. ys4
 ha~A New York paper advcrtiscs that two sisters "want washing" If all the people who "want washing' should advertise, the newspaper busi- ness would look up little. 5t
 pSy"sTt seems to me Eve seen your physiognomy somewhere before, but cannot remember whcre." ~Very like ly; l have been the keeper of . prison for twenty years"
 bsB~"I have lost my appctite," said gigantic fellow, who was an eminent performer on the trencher, to friend. "I hope no poor man has fonnd it." said his friend, '.for it would rsin him in week."
 ss- "IIow came such greasy mess in the oven?" asked fidgety old spin ster of her maid of all work. aWhy," replied the girl, sthe candies fell into the water, and put them into the oven to dry"
 pBrThc following is going the rounds as domestic drama.
 Scene I--Mother in the cellar split ting wood. Scene cII-Daughter in the parlor, singing to Clarence Fitz Noodle the pathetic bnfiad of "Who will care for Mother, now? ?"
 pa-The Memphis Ledger says the reason so many marriages occur imme- diately after great war, is that bache- lors become so accustomed to strife that they learn to like it and after the return of peace they enlist in Matrimo- ny as the next thing to war.
 n9~"My son." said an affectionate mother to her son. who resided at distance, and expected in short time to be married, "you are getting very THIN" ',Yes, mother" he replied, q am, and when you see me next, think you will sec my RIB."
 MARRrEb.--At Peck's Land, Fairfield County, Conn.,, by Rev. John Peck, Mir. Jared Peck and Miss Julia Peek, daugh- ter of William Peck, Esq. .tt {, Kind heaven, permit no cares to vex,
 Nor troubles, more than usual;
 And bless the nuptial couch with Pocks
 Enough to make bushel
 D@>"Pap," observed young urchin of tender years to his fond parent, .'does the Lord know everything ?" "Yes, my son, replied the hopeful sire "but why do you ask that question ?" "Becatsc our preacher, when he prays, is so long telling the Lord everything, thought he wasn't postcd." The pa- rent reflected.
 nTr"Madafs,e said husband to his young wife, in little altcrcatioh. which will sometimes spring up in the best families, "when man and his wife have quarreled, and each consid. CTS the other in fault, which of the two ought to advance toward fecohcilia@ tion!" "rhe best naturcd and wisest of the two," said the wife, putting up her mouth for kiss, which was gitcii with unction. She was the conqueror.
 lsE Old Cooper is Dutchmaii; and, like many another man of whatever nationality, tas wife that is s's0me." One day the old man got into trouble with neighbor, which resulted in a fight. The ncighbor was getting the better of the old man, who was resist ing his antagonist to the best of his ability when his wife broke out as fol- lows:
 ''Lie still, Cooper, if he kills yon Iii sue him for damages"
 l.y~A verdant Englishmafi, stepping at one of our up town hotels, Who had never had sleigh ride in this country; or any other, perhaps, went to the sta- bles of the hotel, the other day, for sa nice thing, you know; something dsshy," and the proprietor ordered ono of the hostltrs to give the gentleman ga new cutter. with the bay mare and large buffalo.' "Oh, no. none of that, now my dear fellnh- Nann hf ..on.