The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1867-12-01
WIT TIcIs MS.

TICIsMs.
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[Fron the Evening TsIsgnnI
Domestic caAnibais-8sckbItsuL
Dying prayer OF dog-0uids my bark
or what trade il the sun "A tanner
Affairs Of ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS fairx
new way 10 pay old dsbts-ssuis them.
OF oeurss the language Of the grave y dead aisnca
Castles In the air have for their tmbeu moonbsaua
Hops-Ths wag Of Piuto's tail whom waiting for hin
afa 'A' ''A'0n 0'd Eve sa' the apple '-Ia'y In -
Did the people uss umbrellas during tn. ms.sssss
dsntiss y nos necessarily mad because he shows hss
the deuce.
why is love like canal boan Because II u an inter
nal transport.
What elias; q women are most apt to give tone to -
Why Is the letter ike squallins child, Because u
makes mad.
The young man who lost In slumbsr found his
way out ON nightmare.
Why do chickens have no hereafterf Becauss thsv
have their necks twirled in thiG
The young lady who took the gentlsman's fancy has
No man has % 70. been able to ride clothes horss
with the spur OF momentn
'Matchless misery has been defined 10 bs "a hava :
cigar and nothing to light II with.
said that the census embraces seventeen million
women" Who wouldn't be osnsusf
Sonny, dear. you have very dirty face" saCan't
help 1t. marin. dads black republican,
Why is lame young dog like the side OF q mountain
Because he Is sso twl p ts) up. s
Why is an alarm Of Gre in the night like clothes
brush? Because II spoils the nap.
Ladies' at the present time have lives than CA
for each night they "shufie OF the mortal COIL"
Why is husband like Mississippi steamboat b.
cause he never knows when he may get blowing MP
lady condemnng the wearing Of mustaches De.
careds is OF the fashions set my face Against"
An exchange says that the Indian CHIEF Billy BowlegA
Is called by fashionable ladies William Cruikshanks
~ love thee STILL" the quiet husband said to the
chattering wife.
An inhuman editor in the West quotes .Tupper's "a
babe 10 the house is well spring OF JOY. and begins
s'wel" with an h N.
What is the difference between a setter dog and .
drunken sots One hes on TO get the SCENT the other
gets high on every cent
"John, did Mrs. Green get the medicine orderedf"
81 guess So" replied John, 'for saw Grape on the
door next morning. +"
Western editor says that the gas in the city 50
bad that the who puts il out has to carry lantern
10 find the lamp posts
"Do you like Goldfish balls Mr.. wigging," Mr. wig
gng hesitaingly Il really don't know Miss; don's
recollect attending one
SWELL my boy do you know what syntax' meansf'
reply; 'the duty on spirits"
desiring leg Of chicken At table, said, "Il take The
part that ought to be dressed in drawers"
Mrs. Jenkins complained in the evening that the tur
key she had eaten in the evening did not set we'll
Probably said jenkins, cit not hen turkey"
divine preached on Sunday morning from the text
eye the children OF the devil and In the aernooa,
by funny coincidence, Chdren, obey your parents"
"No, father isn't drone, eher,' said bright lad;
she's Q philanthropst and collects money for the
heather in Africa to pay for our house and things"
lady and gentleman conversng on dancing, the lat
ter said that he preferred the round dances Unlike
Dance"
cheerful item for cold weather reading is that
vivaI OF religion taking place in Rock Island county
Illinois, and ton persons baptized in the river q
Sunday.
New reading (by fashionable wife)-The man whs
lays his hand upon woman, without large income,
is wretch whom were gross hattsry to call bank.
rupt
student Of Dartmouth p. COLLEGE recently reply e
70 refer to the crossing Of the Red Sea by the Isaes.
red nosed gentleman asked wit whether he b.
iieyed IN sPiriss AYE: SIR replied ne looking Nm
doubt that
'.well, wife, don't see how they can send : letter
on them wires without tearing on 'em all 10 bits" ls
me- they don't send the paper but they send the writing
In fluid state"
gentleman presented lace collar to the object II
os s.d = y ,d ,s not
will take II on
The clergyman in a certain town having published the
DAnnS mAsrlmony DotWoon persons.
BY the clerks reading these words:-"Mistaksn souls
who dream OF heaven"
"wifs" satd man. looking for his bootjack, 81 havs
IL" "Yss" said she q. ought 70 Know where you KEEP
your late hours-but DON'T"
.Ngger who am dc fuss man dat introduced salt per-
dis COO Individual It Was Noah, Niger when Is
took Ham board his ark"
"Have you Blasted Hopesrn asked lady Of green
soohscns mo, ms'am, replied the youth, ..Dus I've
got . blasted toothache."
bow wisely nature BORDERING all below
Forbade Q beard woman's chin TO grow;
For how could she be shaved, whate'sr the Skill
Whose tongue would never lot her chin DO .tilIf
Cross Observation-Disclosures, you never seem 20 appro-
Ase.onsss wio"axy dear bow unjust yss srs Do
mot always appreciate point lace ~
simple epitaph in 81. Pancras churcbyard 10 touch
ingy commemorative Of the sustoay Of husband aaA
the grief Of his widow
Eliza, sorrowing. rsars this marble slab
To her dear John. who died Of eating crab
An ignoramus had been sick, and on recovering wM
food. 'No. SIR" sald he, II took your grusI sasv
enough, but hang me II can eat your hay and oaA"
painfully religious old woman being asked her opla-
seen or heard one, replied, 1T is pretty box Of wis
ties but oh us an awful way 70 spend the Sabbath
clergyman u afternoon service asked reed
this wiss:-'xs hapasi six O'Clock, a. the school hosss
In the First District . hen will attempt 70 crow"
Man 10 composed Of two yards and . half Of broaA-
cloath shirt collar and less assurance woman
Of dry goods impression that she perfection ana
faculty Of spending money
What have the women 70 say 70 ths:-
.Womsn were born, 90 fate declares
To smooth our linen and our cares;
And ts but just, for BY my trosh.
They're very apt 70 rufns both"
"Thsrs's only two ways Of getting along with ~.
taurant servants says Blustsr either scol6 en wen
or fee 'sm we'll One takes nerve, the other takee
money I've got more nerve than money, % l soeh
,em."
"tIn" wedding wss lately observed after rather
unusual manner lhe wife sloped with young fsllou,
taxing with her oil the "tin" she had saved In ten
years The discovery Of her absence closed the fsstv
tiea
aI say Glenn cried two disputing darkeys appeal
ing for decision TO . sable umpire, " which word 10