The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1867-05-18
For the Boltuar Bulletin.
OLD MAIDS.
mere lives no goose 50 gray, but soon or late.
" III meet some honest gander for its mate.

"
"iil meet some honest gander for its mate
In the Bolivar Bulletin of Nav the 1Itb
l have read an article from an honest old
mad at her own confessional above thirty.
My intention in this short missive is to pour
consolation, the balm Of kindness, into the
heart and affections of that Responding and
unfortunate class of beings.
1t ought to be matter of great grati6ca-
ton for that portion of the female sex whose
nope of matrimony are time tattered, and
teasing to know that every goose, no differ
ence how old it may be, will soon or late
md some honest old grey gander Tor a mate.
Geese always outnumber the ganders, and
were 1t not that some of the latter possess
themselves Of more than one wife. thou
sands Of the former would be destined to
pick their grass in solitary pastures and
mateless.
Ay dear females the chances for all of
you being made happy in the bonds of we'd
lock look rather scrumptious, must confess.
especially when [ consider the number of
oid maids about over the land who have re-
tired from the pleasures and seasons of
youth.
0ome OF you, according to Calyanism,
have been ordained from all eternity TO die
OLD maids. At this mighty decree you ought
70 submit cheerfully as many Of you embrace
1t as your religious creed, and can no more
avert 1t than you can everlasting punish
ment Or deliver old Thad Stephens soul
from Hades.
Ihere are others whose lives are drawing
to close, whose rosy charms are beginning
TO Jade like the sprig from your calicoes, and
when, like leaaess, greenless, broken down
cedars, you have grown withered and vel
low in the dole of October existence YOU
will find that tnpid will disdain to frequent
your autumnal bowers, and the shrubs Of
hope that line your pathways to the tomb
may put forth buds in abundance. but de-
pend upon it they never can blossom in the
frosty atmosphere of old age. Every un-
married female has an indisputable claim
upon the love Of some man; and what. al
low me to ask, my friends is the use of that
love unless it is boiled down and sugared off
IN the golden kettle of hymen. The true
spice OF love can never. be realized until par
taken of in the cake of matrimony.
My dear feminines, if you will attend
well to the garden Of the mind, plant in it
the seed of modesty and wisdom, and orna-
ment IL with the flowers Of learning. 1t
will. then present greater attractions for
gentlemen Of worth than all the silks, kids,
orY5paint,1 curls, gum,I whalebone, and
festoons and unguents any nymph ever
wore, and while your artifcials one by one
fall from the wings of vanity, you perchance
may meet with some honest old 'gander who
will make you friend, husband, protector
through life and finally die in the sweet
elysium of good old married life
On the other hand, do admit that old
maids are the very quintessence Of abomi
nation, a worse than nuisance, kind Of
feminine "monstrosity, only to be packed
away with milldewed rubbage and refuse
plumber in cOb10eb6y ga1rets and musty eel
lars" Old maids are useful in thousand
ways They have learned the lesson of self
denial; consequently they give up theil
own pleasures to purchase the relief of suf
fering and distressed humanity"
How sweet and full of fragrance their at
fractions are all elaborated with the power
of angels