Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-02-22
a(nnor0n5.

70 sibp II cannon Dali.
"HAyE yon read my last speech said
member Of Congress TO a friend. 81 hope
SO, was the reply
EVERY drunkard must choose between the
two sobriety, or a premature
grave.
BIZ coutehted, with what you have, as the
raj said to the trap, when he left his tail in it.
A VILE old bachelor says that Adams wife
was called Eve, because when she appeared,
man S day Of happiness was drawinglo a close.
"Fusr class in sacred music staud mp,
How many kinds of metre are there
Three, sir-long metre, short metre, and
meet her by moonlight alone l'
A HORSE dealer, describing used up horse
SAID he looked as If he had been editing a
country newspaper
AN old woman wants to know if the com
pass has needle of thirty-two points, how
long it would take a woman with such nee
de 10 make q shirt.
EVERY fool has right to be on the best
terms with himself, and that man is great
fool who differs with him about those terms
FAsmoyAHLE society generally has but,two
faults first in being hollow headed, and sec
ondly, hollow hearted.
WHAT Miss viii ruin any man? Mismau.
agemeut
TuE man who carried all before him-the
wheel-barrow man.
THe softer the head the harder the work 10
drive anything into it.
N@sa buy goods of those who don't ad
yertise. They sell So little that they have to
sell dear.
HHAr is is the difference between pretty
girl and uight-cap? One is born to wed,
and the other is worn to bed.
PRgNucr says: ''The only poetry hand.
some girl appreciates is written with nous
tache on her lips. "
Az Irishmau who had just landed in Penn
syIvania said the first meat l ever ate was
roasted potato. boiled yesterday, and if you
do not believe it, can show it to you, for
have i in .ny pocket now.
"5HaG5 I.lies have votes ~ asked a stump
speaker Certainly, replied a strong miud
ed woman ia the audience. is woman made
only TO sew on buttons And, if she is, II Is
agaiHs, the law of nature to turn away the
needle from the poll.
0'CoNyEIT, in addressing 4 jury. having
exhausted every ordinary epithet Of abuse.
stopped for a word, and then added. "his
naafrageous rufian. When afterwards as ,ed
by his friends the meaning Of the word, he
confessed be did not know. but said he
Thought ID sounded well
AgrEgrs WARD thus describes his perils at
sea: "Deth starred US into the face but we
had rather the advantage Of Deth Whle /
Deth starred us into the face, there was about +
seventy Of MS starein Deth into the face.
The prospect wasn't pleasin to us Notmuch
/ don't knoa how Deth liked it,
LIrrlE jimmie, only abou. ten years ola. /
was standing onthe steps of his fathers store, I
smoking a cigar. A gentleman passing. ask. I
ed him, with surprise: why Jim, when did /.
you learn to smoke 2" "Oh, said the child /
cody, taking the cigar between his fingers,
'.whon was a little feler."
A wesTEsy man, speaking Of the Pacific
Railroad, says it is ''one of the funniest co
- 80. I'
.5 lIg - 80" :, lana On eaeD e'aa Of the
1'''' '.'"-'5' = 'oii'e i''e'"O'F oi congress
EVERY yir.po gives man a decree Of fscil.
i5y Of some kind Honesty gives man good
report; justice, estimation prudence, res
Dect courtesy and liberality, affection tenn
7erance gives health; fortitude, a quiet mind,
not TO be moved by adversely.
WuAr lady is good 10 eat Sal Ladd
What lady is good to eat with her Olive
OIL
What lady is made to carry burdens ? Ella /
FAINT.
What lady preacbes in the pulnit p Minnie |
Stir.
What lady does everybody desire Ann q, /
ty.
What lady is acquainted with surgery? Ann
Atomy.
What lady lived in Noahs timer Ann r.
Diluyiau.
What lady is fond Of debate? Polly Tish-
un.
y nat I4ay pants portraits Minnie lure
" ha5 lady pants COME ones Carrie X
L