The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-05-13
OF the kl7l3 genuine and original Smiths,
94O are thus distinguished from each other:-

| John A. b O. d. E Samuel Smith.......... 46
f q. II. Smith, etc 10l Robert Smith.....v.... 81
George smith.......... "a Elizabeth smith..... S5
Gharles Smith. 18 Mary Smith "a
Thomas Smith......".. 0SlJohn Smith, Jr.....".
THE UBIQUITOUS JOHN SMITH, ESQ.
We acknowledge feeling of regret almost
of sorrow, in fact, in being compelled to place
Mr.. William Smith at the head of this list
This honorable position belongs of right to his
brother John. But there is some consolation
in being able to show that, when to the fra
ternity of John Smiths are added the John
Smith, Jr.'s, and John Smiths with divers mid.
die names, we have 289 in all, thereby placing
William in his secondary and proper place
To prevent all such disputes arising in the
future, we would advise the Smith family
henceforth to omit the middle letter and
christen their eldest boy John, and John alone.
The colored branch of the family have viewed
the matter in the proper light, as of the 8 Anne
rican citizens of African descent who are
known by the name of John Smith, only two
have middle letter. The entire strength of
the coored branch of the Smith family is rs,
which renders John Smith, colored, a very
little more Omnipresent, in proportion, than
John Smith, white.
The various occupations whereby plain and
simple John Smith gains a livelihood, are
of interest in this connection. In these mat
ters he displays such a great variety as to
and the cosmopolitan nature of his character.
lie is duplicated as a laborer 19 times; as a
shoemaker, times; as weaver, times; as
butcher, 3 times; as a baker, blacksmith,
cooper, dyer, platter, cigarmaker, spinner,
stonemasOn, tailor waiter, and watchman,
twice. while solitary and alone he pursues his
task as a bookmaker, boxmaker, bricklayer
carman, carpenter, clerk, coachman, comb
maker, conductor, crier, crimper, cutter,
dTayman, fireman, furniture dealer, gardener,
glider, grocer, gunsmith, halter, hotel-keeper,
hosiery dealer, hostler, lager beer vender,
liquor dealer, looking glassmaker, machinist,
mariner, milkman, morocco dresser, packer,
peddler, physician, plasterer, plumber, porter,
produce dealer, publisher, upholsterer and
whitewasher. In addition to this, he appears
as a gentleman of leisure in ten different
places. His son. John Smith, Jr., follows the
occupations Of grocer, platter, and salesman.
Before we are done with John Smith, we
must not neglect to state that he has recently
been highly honored by the genial ''Mark
Twain, ;" of California, whose proper and real
name is c. H. Webb. This rising humorist
has just published little volume entitled
'The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras
County," which he thus dedicates:-
''To JOHN SMITH, whom l have known in
divers and sundry places about the world, and
whose many and manifold virtues did always
command my esteem, dedicate this book. 1t
is said that the man to whom volume is
dedicated always buys copy. If this prove
true in the present instance, princely aflu-
ence is about to burst upon THE AUTHOR"
If Mark had dedicated his Jumping Frog"
to William Smith, he would have had thirty
seven more customers in Philadelphia than he
will secure according to the theory advanced
above.
We will close our review of the Smith family
by noticing the fact that it embraces 81 widows,
8 of whom are known by the modest Christian
name of Hannah
BROWN, JOHNSON, JONES, AND THOMPSON.
These four persons are also well known, by
reason of their ubiquitous characteristics
Brown appears no less than 923 times, having
an African cast of countenance in lO2 in
stances. He answers to the name OF William
in 80 cases, and to that of John in 80; and to
Thomas and James about so times each. In
62 places he appears as George Brown, in l3
as George w. Brown. Mr.. Brown, however,
does not seem to be long-lived, as he has left
72 widows with good Christian names, and
who are known simply as the Widow Brown.
Mr.. Johnson responds to his name 59S
times and Mr. Johnston l53 times, so that we
can place the full strength of this important
| family at 751. The colored branch of the
family is quite numerous, there being l22
| Johnsons. but only 2 Johnstons (both of them
being widows), which goes far towards con-
| vincing us that Johnson is the better spelling
of the two, and also that cOlored Johnstons do
not thrive in Philadelphia. William Johnson
is more frequently encountered than John
| Johnson, there being 65 of the former name
and only 81 of the latter. Andrew Johnson
resides in different localities in the city, but
as far as we can ascertain he is in no instance
identical with 'the man at the other end of
| the avenue"
Mr.. Jones, whom we meet 591 times alto
gether bears the Christian name of William
IS times, and that of John 5S times. John
Jones, however, has a middle letter in 81
cases, SO that plainly, simply, and originally,
he appears but u times.
| In 472 different localities we encounter a
Thompson who spells his name with ''p'' in
81 others the ''p'' is discarded, and it is plain
and simple Thomson. Thomas Thompson is
met with Il times, and William Thompson 81
times.
WHITE AND BLACK
are no criterions of the color o
those who bear these simple cogno
mems. OF the 404 Whites, 81 are black;
while of the l5S Blacks, only IL are of cor
responding hue. In addition to the 404 mem.
bers of the White family, there are 1877 whose
names are a compound of White and head
there is not single person of African descent
7 a striking instance OF the preference shown by
f the latter race for short and simple cognomens
DIVERS sURNAMEs WITH MEANING.
I The 342 Fishers are assisted by 81 Fischers il
catching q Fish. There are also l3 persons
by the name of TrOutman, who encounter 81
-, Trout. The 2ll Kings have 2l relatives will
9 the more classical name of Rex. The 9t
Steels are preved upon by 81 persons nv tn,