The Van Buren press., 1867-05-10

MRs.- PAErNsroN' FeuR FsTugRs.-
"Nhy DO folks make such to-do about
their iou,iathers ?" said Mrs, darlington
to the schoolmaster, who was asking her
gcnealogy. She stopped rolling out the
crust FOR pie as she spoke, and, with her
hands still on the rolling pin, she looked
at him over her left shoulder. Why
shouhl folks Try so hard to find ont about
Their four fathers, when it's full as much
as many want to DO to find out that they
had one 2" The schoolmaster explained
tbattho people were looking morc'to pcd-
gree than formerly, Looking more for
fddle-de. gee r exclaimed the old lady,
giving the pin vigorous and emphatic
roll as shespokc. r" What makes the diff
fcrcnt low folks get here. so long as they
are here =? Why am l any better now, be-
cause my great grandfather was one of the
JuggernautS that left France on account of
theirlcligiouS notion - H'|' .
Here Yves a niue opened for the go,
ncal5sist' FL ncycf16ncc dreanied tRat
antiluated dame before him copll hayehad
a grandfather, much less that She Should
have descended from the HagueRots. {" .irc
You indeed scion of that illuStrious stock
said he, delishtedy, "whose suferings and
fidelity to their profession are monuments
to their memory ~ "lIc did suffer terri
bly,, poor man. replied she, "toward the
last Of it, with nueroogy in his head, and,
as you say, was faithful to his profession,
for a more honest tinker never Soddered a
teapot The schoolmaster was noored by
asimplicity that looked not to ancestry for
gloyy, depending upon its own intyinSiccx-
cellcnce for reputation, And who would
not in tho days to come, rather be that es-
,imaJlo woman standing there in times
expanse, holding that rolling pin than the
grimest Huguenot Of EN- all ? That pie
beneath her hand became food for gods
that rolling pin golden sceptrc. \, ...
Josh Billings says there is one cold,
blue, lean kiss, that always makes HIM shivcr
to see. 1.-Two persons, Of the female per-
suasion, who have witnessed CRATE many
more younger and moro pulry daze, meet
insspme publicplace, and notghaving saw
each other for twenty -four hours, tha kiss
immcgiately ly--thcn tha talk about the
weatllef and the young man that preached
yesterday. and tha kiss immcgiately, and
then tha blush and .larf at what tha say to
each other, and kiss agin immegiately.
This Kind ov kissing always puts me in
mind ov two old flints trying to strike fire.
c rna ~, orlm CaL, :,
while in town one day asked the best time
to put in rye /" It's about tho ,best time
now" said the fellow, lookingat, his watch,
"and If you've got any postal currency
about you I'll so and show you how it is
done ,dnt .EtH3I t4E
b. WHY is watch dog larger at night
than he is inlthe morning /? Because he is
let ont at night and taken in, in the morn.
ing. '.a3''. ... r'-..'. '''|
~ lady paying a visit to her dsughter
who Vas q young widow, asked her Why
she wore the widows garb SO long. Dear
mamma, DON, you see" replied the dapgh-
ter, cit saves me the expense Of advertis
ing for a husband ,As every one can see
that | am for sale BY private contract"
;,,'--- False ears, Of flesh color---Inaia
rubbcr-have been invented for the use of
ladies with large ears. They arc used in
front Of the real ears, which are drawn
back and concealed under the hair.
An exchange is responsible for the
following slanderous insinuation. India
Rubber lips.4what 3next9 1"Some of the
ladies', wear false lips, made of pink India
rubber which are attached to thin lips in
manner which defes detection, and which
gives pretty pouting appearance to the
msMhq Fifany Que suspects Sthat the lips
Of his lady friend are artificial, he can
prove the fact by the natural method
-" Excuse me, madam, but | would
like to know why you look at me so saw.
sgely /" said gentleman to lady stranger.
Oh beg pardon, sir; TOOK you for my
husband" was the reply. Z
An IriShman the other day bid an
extraordinary price for an alarm clock aud
gave AZ u reason, "that as he losed TO rise
early, now had nothing to do but to pull
the string, and he could wake himself"
"I say, Nick, What sort of potatoes
are those you are planting?' est 4
Z "Raw ones, to be sure Your honor
woMdn't7Lo .hiuking,I would plant boiled
ones ?"