The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-04-24

wise MF. DeWafu 10 go up ana take prlVaJe
view before deciding, were we not apprehen-
sive that he would be frozen to death before
he could be starved to death, and so be sent
home harder even than he is now, to be
exhibited in glass case in the department.
He would find an immense field for ingenuity,
the only productive crop probable in those
parts, and every facility for making mint
juleps except mint and peach brandy, sugar,
spoons, and other trifes. In his present
botheraton however, we are glad to notice
that he has the help of the newspapers, and
may yet come out of his trouble with lucky
felicity. Some of these journals are all for a
Russian name-something ending in "slI,"
and dangerous to unsOphstcated American
jaws. One editor, of whose monarchcal pro-
clivities we are ashamed, proposes to call
the desert " after one of the Russian
Cars" forgetting that the insult might be
made o cdSus beli, or, at any rate
cost us the goodwill of the Muscovfte mon
arch, whose wrath might be extreme at finding
that, though rid of the property the fact of his
previous ownership was to be historically per-
petuated. Some are for calling this howlng
wilderness Columbia" but besides being a
name general to the whole country, the
Britishers have their columbia" and it
would be cruel by an unnecessary repetition
to distract the brains of the school-classes in
geography, who, what with British Columbia,
and Spanish American Colombia, and our old
established Columbia, and the District of
Columbia, to say nothing of "Hail Columbia, "
might be fogged within an inch of their
blighted lives for making confusion worse con-
founded. No. another Columbia will never
do. "Asiana" has been proposed and if it
could be always pronounced "Ass-iana," I" this
name would have moral bearing, and might
be useful reminder to future generations
with plenty of money, and with passion for
collecting glaciers. "Asiana" is, no doubt, a
clumsy piece of verbal jonery; but, per-
haps, barbarous regions deserve no bet
ter than barbarous titles With respect to the
highly respectable constellation so called, we
would offer the name of "Ursa Major" out of
compliment to the grizzlies but as we are not
certain that Mr.. Seward will not be buying
that whole cluster of seven golden stars before
he goes out of office, we refrain from urging
our amendment. 'Terra Incognita" would be
good, if it were English, and especially proper,
inasmuch as one man swears that the new pur-
chase is a NewCanaan, with rivers of milk and
with mountains of honey, while others aver
that the little busy bee could not live in the
neighborhood, to say nothing of the fodder
loving cow. As we know rather more
of Central Africa than we do of this mys-
terious land, we would postpone the bap-
tism until we discover what the
bantling is like, which will be when Mr..
Seward has plodded his weary way up there,
and hoisted the American flag upon the North
Pole, to the intense delight the frisky walrus
and the meditative whale. OF course, he will
make a speech. There will be nobody to hear
it except the monsters of the deep, and of the
ce.floe; but if st. Anthony preached to the
fishes, why should not Mr.. Seward hold forth
to the bears? Being the only inhabitants, he
might promise these animals the right of suf-
frage, upon condition of their not eating him;
and as he would not be in very good case after
his meanderings, even the hungriest bears
might prefer vote to such victuals. We
should; but still it is a matter of taste.
With the best intentions in the world, we
believe that we have thrown no light upon
this tenebrifcous subject. The longer we
look at it the darker it grows. There seems
to be but one way of settling the matter and
that is to leave the territory altogether alone
in its gloomy grandeur and sublime isolation,
with the bears growing, and the wolves howl
ing, and the icebergs cracking, and the aurora
streaming, and Mr.. Seward in nine frieze over
coats calling the elements to order and pro-
claiming American sovereignty.