Nashville union and dispatch. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1866-1868, 1867-06-08
TaE COMMISSIONER or AGHICGE-
TURE-SOME TOUGH STORIES ON

TiEE COMMISSIONER or AGRICtE.-
TURE- SOME TOUGH STORIES ON
HIM
A correspondent of the Cincinnati Com
mereial tells the following hard stories of
Isaac Newton, the present head of the
United States Agricultural Bureau
II is said that one day a wag picked up
common duck in the street, and carried it
to Sir Isaac, telling him it was a rare spe-
cies. Sir Isaac had it Gagged, and took great
delight in exhibiting it to his visitors. Ore
day, when showing it as usual to lady
visitor. he stroked it on the back and said,
See, madam, has it not the most beautiful
foliage of any bird you ever saw"
At another time the expenses of Sir
| Isaac's department had been very great,
and the Chairman of the Committee on
! Agriculture called on him to explain how
| he had used up so much money. Sir
Isaac spluttered and talked learnedly, and
at last concluded by saying, Yes, sir the
expenses have been very great, exorbitant;
indeed, sir, they have exceeded my most
j sanguine expectations" The Chairman
was satisfied.
Looking over Isaac's estimate for the
wear. it was found he had made requisi-
ton for five thousand dollars, to purchase
| two hydraulic rams. The committee sent
for Sir Isaac to explain what he was going
to do with hydraulic rams in the Agricul-
tural Department. Them, gentlemen"
] said Sir Isaac, 81 are said to be the best
4 sheep in Europe have seen a gentleman
/ who knows all about them, and We should
by all means secure the breed" Some wag
had been selling Sir Isaac, and much to his
disgust. the committee struck out the five
thousand dollar item.
One day he was writing letter to far
mer. telling him when TO haul out manure.
The old man did not know how to spell
the word, and asked clerk, who told him,
but, doubling whether the clerk was cor
rect or not, he asked another, but before he
could answer Sir Isaac cried out, Never
mind, boys, I'll substitute another word,
and thereupon wrote word that shall be
nameless.
Sir Isaac had written some instructions
J about setting hens telling how many eggs
should be put in the nest and how they
= should be laid in. A young farmer wrote
to Sir Isaac that he had set a hen az direct
; ed, but put in the nest great many more
! eggs than Sir Isaac said he should. Sil
! Isaac wrote to him to know why he haC
: put 30 many eggs in the nest, when thu
= wicked fellow replied-it was TO E" see the
old hen spread herself
e Oneday a Young lady from Ohio called OF
Sir Isaac to get clerkship in his depart
+, ment. Sir Isaac was in eXuberant spirits
4 and as the modest Ohio maiden stood by
d his chair he merrily poked his thumb int,
: her ribs, and making peculiar noise witt
y his tongue like the quacking of duck
n said, $50, miss, you want a clerkship
: hey?" The young lady, shocked an,
!, frightened at such familiarity, left hi
e presence and went straightwsy to the Rep
n resentatiyes and Senators of her State, L
h whom she complained Of the treatment sh
e had received A certain bluff old Senate
h went with the damsel 10 see Sir Isaac, an
= demanded Of him 10 know why he ha
/ been poking his finger into the Ohio girl
/" ribs" Sir Isaac was overwhelmed will
e surprise and modification, protested his IN
nocence, patted the girl on the head, Gale
q her his daughter, and declared he mean
; 10 give her no oflense. The old, white
/ hsired man had indeed meant to give n
4 offsnse. but in the merriment of his heal
IF had ogled her and was now quite sorry IL
' his indiscretiOn.
: Such is Sir Isaac Newton, Chief OF tn
n Agricultural Bureau He is certainly uni
, for the position, but he is 80 kind-hearte
> | and companionable he has many friend
= and will lie remembered long after he cha
have ceased 10 be Chief of Agriculture.