The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-02-27
II U M o r o U S

A FARMERS ToAsT.-At an agri-
cultural dinner the following toast
was given: The game of fortune.
Shuttle the cards as you will, spades
must win"
Virgins was one day with friend,
when he observed poor dog that had
been killed lying il the gutter. Wig
gins paused, gazed at the dead ami
NAL, and at last said, Here is an
other shipwreck. !" "Shipwreck
Where?" Why, there's bark
growled and passed on.
A Scotchman asked an Irishman
Why were half farthings coined in
England?" Pats answer was: To
give Scotchmen an opportunity of
subscribing to charitable institutions"
A man in London is very careful to
have his door plate polished every
morning when he retires to his coun-
try residence at the end of the sea-
son, being determined, he says, ito
leave an untarnished name behind
him.
A man being asked, as he lay sun
ming himself in the grass, what was
the height of his ambition, replied:
+" To marry a rich widow with bad
cough"
Near Cleveland lives hale and
hearty man, whose wife says he is pos
sessed Of the most sensitive feelings,
and in proof of which she states that
when she goes into the yard and saws
wood for half day, he sits by the
fire with tears in his eyes.
II say, milkman, you give your
cows too much salt!'' Why, how
do you know how much salt [ give
them?' !" | judge from the appear
ance of the milk you have brought us
lately. Salt makes the COWS dry, and
then they drink too much water-that
makes their milk thin, you know"
Two countrythen went into a hat
ter's to guy hat. They were de-
lighted with one, inside Of which was
a looking glass.
What's that glass for?" said one of
the men. The other, impatient at
such display of rural ignorance, ex-
claimed:
What for? For the man who buys
the hat to see how it fits him, stupid"
"What are you at now?" said a rag
ged newsboy to a well dressed lad.
Pm in store" What do you
do?" II sweep out the store and run
errands.' y well, tell me-you don't
feel as good now as when you were in
business for yourself, do you?'
Does the Court understand you
to say, Mr.. Jones, thar you saw the
editor of the Argus Of Freedom intox-
icated? " : Not at all, sir; | merely
said that / had seen him frequently so
Hurried in his mind that he would
undertake to cut out copy with the
shutters, that's all "-Americdn pa
per.
A priest was called upon to pray
over the barren fields of his parish
oners He passed from one inclosure
to another, and pronounced his bene-
diction, until he came to a most un-
promising case. He surveyed the
sterile acres in despair. All /" said
he, " brethren, no use to pray here
this needs manure. !"
A Frenchman one day made his ap-
pearance at the Herald's College, and
told gentleman in waiting that he
wanted to look at a shall. A shall"
said the astonished auditor; 7" shall;
oh, a will, you mean. . En-, bien, it
is all the same; will or shall"
An Irish paper announces that a
Mr. Kenney, returning to town, fell
down and broke his neck, but happily
received no other damages
Were you guarded in your con-
duct in New York;" said father to
his son, who had just returned from
his visit to the city. " Yes, sir, part.
of the time by two policemen"
Little Jimmie, only about ten years
old, was standing on the steps of his
fathers store, smoking cigar. A
gentleman passing, asked him, with
surprise: "Why Jim, when did you
learn to smoker" oh" said the
child cody, taking the cigar between
his fingers, when / was little fell
ler."
Prentice thinks if young lady has
thousand acres of valuable land, the
young men are apt to conclude that
they are sufficient ground for attach
mont