Maryland free press., 1867-01-24
THE FALSE FUNERAL!

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never liked my uncle business, though h,
took me when my father died.. and brought nc
up as his own son. The good man had no child.
rsn. His wife was long dead;i and he had al
honest old woman for housekeeper,g and 8
fourishing business, in the undertaking line, tc
leave 10 somebody, but he did not leave it to me
aAd I'm tell you the reasonI gI 5t -,
"a When had been about five years with him,
and had grown worth my salt, as he used to say,
death occurred in our, peighborhood, which
caused greater lamentation than any we had
heard of since my apprenticeship began. The
deceased gentleman was Mr.. Elsworthy. The
family had been counted gentry in aheir day
should have said my uncle lived in York, and
slfthe world knows what the Yorkshire families
are. Well, the Elsworthys were Of good fami-
iy, and very proud Of il, though they had lost
, every acre Of good old estate which had. be-
longed to them time out of mind. l am not sure
whether it was their. grandfather's dice and
cock-fghting, or their fathers going surety for
friend who did something wrong in govern
ment office, that brought them to this poor pass;
but there was no house in York where candles
went'further, and tea-leaves were better used up.
There were.a mother, two sisters, and cousin
who lived with them. The motherlwas, Z stately
lady, never seen out of black brocade. The sis
tiers were not over young or handsome but they
dressed as fine, as they could, The cousin was
counted one of the prettiest women in Yorkshire,
but she walked with crqtch, having met with
an accident in her childhood. Master Charles
was the enly son, and the youngest of the family.
He was tall, handsome, flashing young maa
uncommonly polite, and great. f,rorite with
the ladies. 1t is said there wero some red eyes
In the town, when the story got wind that he
was going to be married tothe Honorable sIiss
Westbay. Her father was younger brother to-
the Earl of Harrowgate, and had seven girls be-
side her, without a Jenny for one Of them; but
Miss Westbay was a, beauty, and gthc woader
was that she had not got married long ago
being nearly seven years out, dancing, singing,
and playing tiptop pieces a: all the, parties,-
Half a dozen matches had been talked or Her,
but somehow they broke down one afterf fnother..
aIer father was rather impatient to see her off;
and so were her sisters, Poor thingsAand no won
der, for grow upas they might, not ohc'of o Hiem
would The old man suffer to come. out I'LL the
eldest was disposal Of, and at athepee seemed
something Ikea certainty of that business
Young Mr.. Elswopthy and she strhd's'up n court
ship. lie was fascinated Lisntlthat the SWORD !?
At an .assze-ball, paid 1matkcd attentions at
a,o bisSor's party, snd was believed to have
popped the question atapisnie, after tofa 'fiar
;rowgatc, the largest shareholder in the North
Eastern Bank, got him promoted from e!erkstp
10 be manager. IT'S trre he was some NealS
younger than Miss W'estbay, and people said
there t,ad heen something between him ann bis
pretty cousin; but lords niece, with beauty,
accompIishmcnts, and Ia scrviccablc- connection.
docs net come in every young man. .-~.-.zH--
the wcddiuf-4s, s.ru,r Eor The lsfof january.
and all the milIine-s w.re busy with the brides )
bonnets and dresses. TaI- 20 sta4E
1t was just month TO come, and everybody
wns,te,king of tI,e match, when Mr.. Elsworhy
fcnssick At first they said it a.cold;5 then
II turned to a brnin-iever Mt last the doctor
gave no hopes, and Within the" same Week Mr
Elsworthy died. The whole ncighborhood was
Gus, into mourning, "A promising young man,
in manner The otfy dependence of his family,
newly promoted TO station of trust and inau-
encc, and on tie eve of marriage, everybody
lamentod; his untirueiy death, ard simpa-
thized with his bercavcd relations aud his in
tended bride. j think my ancle lauiented 'most
o. all. None Of his customers, 70 my knowlsdge,
ever got SO much of his sorrow. 1Nhenhe was
ssnt for in the way OF business, 1T struck me that
he staid particularly long. The good man corld
talk of nothing but the grief of the afflicted Gmi
va.sN ,I,nr ~
ters tore their hair--how the cousin talked Of
wearing mourning nlf her days-and howit was
feared that Mrs. Westbry, who insisted ON seer
ing him, would never recover her senses The
county-papers gave expressions. to the iElblis
grief. There were great many verses written
about it. Nobody passed the house of mourning
without sigh or suitable remark. NY uncle
supctintended the making OF the coffin, and
when the workmen, had gone home he epent
hours at night, finishing il BY himself. - a., rn
Tho funeral was to set out for the family vault,
In. the Minister. Church at Beverly, ahout three
o'clock in the afternoon. 1t was made strictly
private affair, thougi, hundreds of, the townsmen
would have testified their respect, for the dead
by accompanying it all The way. The members
OI the hmiY, III tWU anu tie
undertakers men, were alone allowed TO, fulow
poor Elsworthy to his last rcsting-p,ace, and'the
coffin was not to bc..brougt till the latest hour.
My uncle had got it finished TO his miad, but
evidently did not wish me to look at his work
He had long talk with Steele and Stoneman,
two of his most confidential assistants, in the
workshop, after hours, and they went away
looking remarkably close. All was in train,
and the funeral to take place the next day, when,
coming down his own stairs-they were rather
steep and narrow, for wo lived in one of the old
houses Of York--my uncle slipped, fell, and
broke bis leg. 7 thought he would have gone
mad when the doctor told him he must not al
tempt to move or mind any business for, weeks
to come, and tried TO pacify him by t'Fering tc
conduct the funeral with the help of Steele ard
S.oneman. Nothing would plcase thetold man;
Incyer saw him SO far out OF temper cbefosc,7r
lie swOrc at his bad luck, tl,rewothe riTlcws a
his housekeeper, ordered me to brias him up the
key of the workshop, and kept IL FIST clutchhS