The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1867-12-20
aRit aud Hninog

- The prettiest nec-tie for lady
the arms Of her baby.
- 1t Is always term time in the
court OF conscience.
- Have but one enemy, the devil,
to him never be reconciled.
- A dangerous chsfacter-a man
who takes life cheerfully.
Reyerdy Johnson has q CATER
act in his eye but how many younger
men have waterfall in both.
- An exchange queries whether
young lady of eighteen springs ought
not to have . fine waterfall.
A man who retires from bust
ness and lives on the interest of his mo-
ney may be said to be resting on his
overs. 81
It is so cold in Iceland that
the preachers kiss each member of the
congregation to warm their blood lit
tie before preaching.
-" What is the feminine of hero?"
asked pedagogue of a young hopeful.
'Shero = was the prompt answer, which
took the dominic all absck.
-A man named Peck, in st. Lou
is, raises children by the bushel. He
has ten Pecks now--two bushels and
half
- Why was Bulwer more likely to
get tired Of novel writing than Warren?
Because Bulwer wrote light and Nor
ning,' Warren only Now and Then
=. Some time ago a country paper
contained the following singular ambie-
nous advertisement: "Wanted, young
man to look after horse of the Meth
'odist persuation." $3.50
- We know fond mother who is
SO exercisedbetween love and duty that
she gives her boy chloroform before
spanking him. sat
"A humorous apothecary in Bos-
ton exposes cake OF soap in his show
window with the inscription, sCheaper
than dirt
- A servant girl writinga letter
asked her ms ster ii the next month had
come yet. .He lauged, Well said she!
what Imean is, has the last month gone
out yet!'
-" Father," said coblef's lad, as
he was pegging away OH an old shoe,
'ssthey say trout bite like everything
now" "Well, well, "repled the old
gentleman, ''stick to your work and
,theywon't bite you.'
- ssSister," said one of the breth-
rem at love feast, ''are you happy ~
sYes, Deacon feel as though ] were
in Belzebub's BOSOM" ssNot in Belize
bulbs bosom, sister !" swell, one of
the patriarchs, don't care much which. ;
- Somebody who writes more truth
fully than POLITICALLY says:
IAN angel without money is not
tho't so much of nowadays as devil
with bale ofgreen backs.
- "Aye, John" said a sympathiz-
Ing friend to man who was just too
late to catch the train. you did not run
Quite fast enough" les | did but |
did not start soon enough.
49, To make your trousers last you
must instruct your tailor, when he
builds you a suit of clothes, to make
your coat and waiscoat first. by which
means he will make trowsers last.
CHATS what call repetition,
exclaimed wag the other day.
What's that Tom p said his friend.
sWhy, look at that sign across the
way II. E. Weller, jeweller.' Tsa
Women get married because
they don't consider it respectable to be
single and mel, because they think a
house, like furniture, to be both useful
and ornamental.
- "Julius, did you attend de last
meeting OBJ de debating society 2"
eyes, sir" NiIi
"weli, what was the fust that come
afore de house.
"Why, it was a charcoal cart. 4" 81
"Madam at what price per yard
LIZ Ill 10
William Pennington of a fair miss.
Five dollars sir ~
You're little dear fft.f..g
Yes replied the blushing maiden,
$50 all young men tell me- N
- A man near Jacksonville, ILL.,,
reprimanded teacher very severely
for telling his little girl that the earth
was round and that it revolyed, and
that it was smaller than the SUM-. He
said to the teacher "What is the use
of lying to the child"
Wife said broker, a few days
since, ssdo you think / shall ever be
worth fifty thousand dollars ?" faint
/ worth that to you :" said the confi-
ding spouse. ~ e-s,r hestatingly re-
piled the other halt, "but | can't put
YOU out at interest"
- Wife (anxiously)-. What did
that young lady observe that passed
YOU Just now " Husband with a smile
of calm delight e." Why, my love she
observed rather good looking man
walking with an elderly female-that' IS
all; ahem! ia
- ssOh, what fall was there, my
countrymen !" What difference is
there between a child that tumbles
from the top landing to the bottom one,
and traveller visiting Niagara One
falls down the stares, and the other
stares down the falls.
- One of the "bureau, officials,
while travelling last week in the cars
in Alabama, noticed lady with me-
gro girl in attendance and he remarked:
''Madam, see you have one of my
children. f."
ayes, sir" replied the lady II per-
ceivc the resemblance.
A slight tittering was heard in that
part of the car and the ''bureaun left.
- 'sAmelia, for thee--yes, ut thy
command I'D tear this eternal firma-
ment into thousand fragnents-I'd
gather the stars one by one as they
tumbled from the regions of ethereal
space and put them in my trousers poe
kets i; I'd pluck the sun--that oriental
god of day, that traverses the blue
arch of heaven. in such majestic splen-
dor-I'd tear him from the sky and
quepch its. bright effulgence in the
fountain ofany love for thee u Ane-
lio-tkIon fS41 Ianrv ~ u,n,,ld H.. -, 49,.