Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1867-03-07

more than the hull.
like stagncnt pool
reptiles and slime.
pecame of Lot, when his
turned inte pillar of salt?
a fresh one.
Are you the mate?" said a man
the Irish cook of ayessel. '.No,"
SAID he, ''but am the man that boils
the mate"
Give strict attention to your own
affairs, and consider your wife one
of them.
When is clock like the discon-
tented workman? When it strikes.
What dust is the most binding to
the eyes? Gold dust.
Why can you keep fruit better by
canning 1t than any other way? Be
cause you can.
A disturbed preacher remarked,
"lf that crosse eyed lady IN the side
aisle, with red hair and blue bon
act, don't stop talking, 1 must point
her out to the congregation.
An old bachelor seeing the words
families supplied, over. the door OF
shop, stepped in and said he would
take wife and two children.
A judge in Indiana threatened to
line lawyer for contempt of court.
Il have expressed no contempt for
the court" said the lawyer; ION the
contrary, l have carefully concealed
my feelings"
An Irish attorney has decided that
no printer should publish a death un-
less appraised of the fact by the par
ty deceased.
The newest Yankee notion is IN
umbrella with a gutter round the
edge and spout at one corner.
A gentleman gave as a toast at
dinner, The ladies-Divide our sor-
rows, double cur joys, and treble our
expenses" when lady gave, ''The
genuemen--Divido cur time, double
our cares, and treble our troubles"
There are many slip between the
cup and the lip, but more slips after
the cup has been drained by the lips.
If two hogsheads make pipe how
many will make cigar?
HAPPINEss.--We some etimes run
about whole day seeking what we
have unwittingly left at home. So
we often throw aside content, but
presently having occasion for it
again, we search for it everywhere
but in the right place
The bishop of Carlisle recently
asked a youthful scholar if he had
read the thirty nine articles. '.No,"
said the hey; ''but l have read the
Forty Thieves" "You may stand
down, sir" said the bishop.
A LOVE LETTER.-'I'll bet sheep
said old Meredith to his better half.
'that our boy Ohio is going crazy;
Tor he's grinning at the pillow, he's
grinning at the barn, he's grinning
1t himself everywhere he goes."-
'Sho, old man." said his wife, ''yeu
lon't know nothing. The critters
got love letter."
y poor woman and her child late
y settled in a western city and were
greatly reduced and in need of food.
The child seeing q chicken in the
pack yard, wanted to kill it and have
| pot pie. "No, no." said the moth
er, ''that would be wicked, and God
would surely punish you" "Then,"
iaid the youngster, looking up, ''let's
move back to New York, there amt
my God there"
"AIary, who died for you?" asked
parson of blooming sixteen
as l knows on" was the
'rompt reply. But the parson re-
'eated with zeal, "Mary, 1 say, who
lied for you?" Mary was irritated
'ut replied, ''why nobody, sir; there
7as Bob Dawson lay bed-rid for me
tx months, but folks say he got
bout again"
The reason why young ladies lock
o bold and fierce in these latter days
s that they tie their hair so tightly
N the back of their heads that they
annot shut their eyes, (some say
heir mouths neither, which gives
hem their fierce look; and their tre-
nendous waterfalls SO balance their
eads up, that they seem to "cock
heir chins" at everybody, hence
heir bold, defiant look, 1t is mere
ashion-they don't mean it.
Many years ago there lived in Nor-
7ich, Conn, a loafer of that day by
he name of Crocker He was shift
sss but sharp, as loafers often are.
1eeting him one morning, Rev. Mr..
Vhiteker said to him: ''Mr. Crocker,
grieves me that you never attend
ublic worship; you will soon be
here you will not hear preaching"
Well, it won't be for want of preach
RS" eMr. Crecker, how can you
,ihe so? l shall have to bear wit
ess against you at the day of Judge
lent" ''The greatest rascals al
'ays turn states evidence, " was the
sply.
A contributor to. the drawer of
[arper's Monthly tells story of
ertain deacon who was one of the
est of men, but by nature very iraei-
lie. A COW was so exceedingly dis
rderly, as the deacon was attempt
10 to milk her one morning, that the
ID Adam got the better of him, and
e vented his excited feelings in a
olley of execrations very undeacon-
h in their character. At this mo-