Delaware State journal and statesman., 1867-02-12
WIT AND HUmOR.

sauntered out TO see the working of the
machinery. Near him stood a.man appar-
emily bent on the same object. In few
moments squeaking noise was heard on
the opposite side of the engine Selling the
oil cana gigantic one by the way-the en-
gineer sought out the dry spot, and to pre-
vent further noise of that kind, literally ap-
piled the contents of the can to every joint.
All went on well for while, when the
squeaking was heard in another direction.
The oiling process was repeated and quiet
restored; but as the engineer was coming
quietly toward the spot occupied by the
gentleman and the stranger he heard another
squeak. This time he detected the true
cause of the difficulty. The stranger was
ventriloquist Walking straight up behind
him, he seized the astonished joker by the
nape of the neck and emptied the contents
Of the can down his back. There said he
Il don't believe that old engine will squeak
again "
WHAr He DIED 0B.-We overheard once
the following dialogue between an alderman
and an Irish shoplifter:
Whats gone of your husband, womanf'
What's gone of him, yer honor9 Faith
and he's gone dead
'Ahl What did he die OFF,
Die of, yer honor; he died of a Friday
4 don't mean what day of the week
but what complaint?'
'ohl what complaint yer honor; faith
an it's himself that didn't get time to com
plain.
'ohI hoi he diedisuddenly.'
Rather that way, yer honor.
Did he fall in tit.'
No answer.
He fell down in fit, perhapsp" '
"A fit, yer honorl why no, not exactly
that. He fell out of window, or thro'
cellar door-I don't know what they callit.'
'Ayi ayi and broke his neck
No, not quite that, yer worship
What, then?'
There was bit o. string, or that like,
and it throttled poor Nike
Il will bet you a bottle of wine that you
will descend from that chair before ask
you twice Done, said the gentlemen.
Come down. 4 will not Then stop till
ask you a second time' The gentleman,
having no desire to retain his position until
that period, came down from the chair, and
his opponent won the wager. -tf
Basidas, the famous Laced@monian gen
eral, caught mouse; it bit him, and by that
means made its escape. oh, Jupiterp cried
he, what creature so contemplate but may
have its liberty if it will contend for it,
A melting sermon being preached In a
country church, all fell weeping but one
man, who, when asked why he did not weep
with the rest, 'o,' said he Il belong to an
other parishl'
'off she goes," said lady of the train, as
| it was starting. "You have mistaken the
gender, madam, said Prentice, this is the
mail train"
Why are young ladies kissing each other
like an emblem of christianity Because
they are doing unto each other as they would
that men should do unto them.
A boy's idea of having tooth drawn may
be summed up as follows: The doctor
hitched fast on me, pulled his best, and, just
before it killed me, the tooth came out"
Il say, boy, where does that right hand
road go tor inquired pedestrian of coun-
try rustic. I don't know, sir, replied the
boy, ''taint been nowheres since we lived
here"
If it wasn't for hope the heart would
break, as the old woman said whom she
buried her seventh husband, and looked
anxiously among the funeral crowd for an
other. +rs
II A lady in New Bedford, who recently
wrote TO Boston publishing house for
copy of 'Gellert, or Trust in God, received
: the sad reply, There is no Trust in God 4
be found IN Boston,
Philosophy says that shutting the eye
r makes the sense of hearing more acute.
i wag suggests that this accounts for the man,
closed eyes which are seen in our churche
every Sunday.
a A lady about to marry, was warned tina
her intended, although very good man
was very eccentric: We'll, she replied, 7
he is very unlike other men he is the NOR
: likely to make good husband
III A widow lady, sitting by cheerful fire i
i meditative mood, shortly after her hui
i bands decease, sighed out: Poor fellow
how he did like good firel hope he hs
= Z gone where they keep good fires.'
#. An actress, connected with one of ii
10 Theaters, great favorite, was complimen
ed upon the blackness of her hair.
10 why it's Dyed she replied, with Il
= amiable frankness of the true artist.
lis Dyed replied the other speaker, 'wh.
III favorite as you are, not yet Extraordinarily
OF No, SAID the lady; but you know who
he the gods love dye young"
k. Charlie, my dear, said a loving moth
ly to hopeful son, just budded into breech
ed -'Charley, my dear, come here and &
.ct some candy n guess won't mind it no,
nd mother, replied Charley; I've got in son
Ict tobacso.
is Every moment makes thee dearer,' sa
ne a miser husband to his extravagant wife.
~ Why should every lamplighter be nam
ey WilIiamP Because Bills run upso quick
The Observation-Disclosures cGeOdigingsblad
~, Flemish paper, is defunct. No wonder.
y Burke told Garrick at Hampton that
itv bitter things were hot Indeed, repli
ala Garrick, then what think you of biti
Mt cold dayH'
he That motion is out of order, said t
chairman of a meeting when arowdy rails
a. tI,roxy a., a0u