Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1867-10-10
Nnn4prnns department.
\ SOLDIERS MISFORTUNE.

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A SOLDIERS MISFORTUNE.
An Arkansas gentleman furnishes the
Metropolitan Record, with the following
account of a sad disaster that befel him,
while he was playing commandant of mil
itary post during the late war:
In 1868 I was ordered to the town oi
A, in Mississippi, as Post Comman'
dant. I had often heard of the place as
being gay, dressy town, with more thar
usual number of young ladies. Now, as
had been on field duty for seven or eight
months, without having even bowed to 6
member Of the 'female persuasion" / very
naturally felt considerable anxiety as to the
state of my wardrobe, which, to tell the
truth, was in deplorably dilapidated con-
dition. Upon examination I found that my
best coat was g jacket lis that "bull ?'')
and my best pants had seen service until
they were dangerously threadbare in GER
tain places. However, they were the best
I had, and after carefully brushing, I roll
ed them up for dress occasions. l reached
my post on Saturday evening, and having
no acquaintances, I concluded on Sunday
morning to attend divine service. 1t did
not take me long to dress, and my jacket
and trowsers were soon on duty, and tying
a sash, slightly the worse for wear, about
my waist as finish, I considered myself,
for the times, presentable. I soon reached
the church, and found it filed, with the ex-
ception of one pew, which being under a
window, I imagined had been avoided on
account of the sun, which shone full upon
it. With an old soldiers Indifference to
triAes, boldly entered the vacant pew and
sat me down. As I did so thought 1 de-
tected merry twinkle in the eyes and a
nervous twitching of the laughing muscles
of some rosy-cheeked misses who occupied
the seat in rear of me. After being seated
q few moments, the opening hymn was
read, and as the congregation arose made
an effort to get upon my feet, but was hor-
rifed to find myself glued to the bench !!
The young ladies in rear smiled audibly,
which I cannot say added to my comfort.
Another effort, followed by apeculiar noise,
as of cloth being torn, and smotherd "te-
he te-he" from the young ladies. Thought
I, s'here's fix for first appearance.
All this time I had kept "eyes front" but
now taking sly glance out of the corner
of my right, I saw the situation at once.
The confounded bench was made of 'Jat"
pine, with only one coat of paint. The
heat of the sun had drawn the crude tur-
pentine to the surface, making soft coat
ing of at least fourth of an inch in thick
ness.
There I sat, s'the observed of all obser-
vers," with face like red cabbage-regu-
larly s'limed!" The sermon seemed inter-
minable. I dared not look at any one, and
upon the slightest movement the Internal
trousers would tear with noise that was
exceedingly embarrassing. I'm afraid
my mind was too intent on planning an es-
cape when the service should close, to en-
Joy the parsons eloquence, and regret to
say that I have never been able to remem-
Der his text. I felt that every man, woman
and child in the house knew my wretched
predicament. eff I only had on a long
tailed coat instead of this deuced jacket, "
thought I. Finally, with a feeling of des-
peration I determined to make break for
it, and while the last song was being sung l
took advantage of the higher notes to tear
myself loose, which I accomplished just as
the song was finished. Intensely relieved
to find myself free, I arose for the benedic-
ton, holding with careful earlessness my
hat behind me to conceal damages.
But I was hardly erect upon my feet be-
fore I perceived the eyes of my fair fellow
worshippers directed to the place | had just
vacated and every face convulsed with re-
pressed laughter. whirled and gave one
glance, and Oh! mtrabile dictu, there,
stuck tight to the bench, a0as the whole seat
of may unfortunate breeches-at least enough
'sto bottom chair y
How I got out or reached my room leave
you to guess, for I have no distinct recol-
lection of ''the order of my going" I was
afterwards, by those who met me
on the street, that I seemed to be in hurry,
and that, although he sun was not hot e.
nough to melt the bricks in the pavement, I
carried my hat in my hand, and my hand
behind me. Result was that I Immediately
conceived q great fondness for long-tail
coats. Bob H. c., of Arkansas.
A FAITHFUL WIFE.