Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1867-09-11
FOR GENTLEMEN TO READ!
HOW THEY MIGHT IMPROVE.
BIZ MRS. GEORGE WASHINGTON wYLLYs.

Ny DEAR SIR--If you disapprove of
plain opinions, plainly spoken out-yet
no doubt you do-nobody is particularly
partial to taking bitter medicine-you
had not better read this article. Put it
down--lay it away-ignore it utterly.
Nine tenths OF you, epresentatively
speaking, go and smoke your inevitable
cigar-the other tenth get on the back
balcony with your heels several inches
higher than your heads, and fondly i'm
agine you are resting" Nobody COM
pels you to look into the mirror Of your
own faults and follies.
But if you do read it, remember that it
is point-blank addressed to you--not to
Mr.. Jones, or Mr.. Robinson, or any
other Mr. It is little cap exactly fitted
to your pate, and there is no use handing
it to your neighbor to try on.
Not that We would follow the example
of the extremists and give in our ballot
for abolishing mankind altogether Dear
| ne what should we do without EN- when
there is heavy stove to be taken down,
or a colossal bureau moved from one room
to another, or a lot of baggage to be
checked from Maine to California, with
bowling hackmen, over-eager travellers,
and overloaded express wagons blocking
up the way What should we do for
an arm to hold by in the crowd of opera
yestibule, church; or concert hall, or
broad pal Of shoulders to divide life's
burden with US? What would become
of us without somebody to sc5ld at, and
berate, and find fault with generally, ard
groan over, and-Iove? Why, We should
have to take one another, and everybody
knows how monotonous that would be |!
No. no--man is patent article that can
very we'll be dispensed with but it by
no means follows that the patent cannot
be improved upon.
You see, sir, you are not the only per-
son created. TO be sure, we catch a
glimpse of you in the Garden of Eden,
little in advance of anybody else, but the
woman was not far behind. If she hadn't
fortunately made her appearance, you
might have been trotting about the gar
den yet, forlornly eyeing the apple-trees,
without soul to sew buttons on your
shirt. or put on the kettle for tea, and
nobody to talk to but the serpent The
woman has equal rights with your serene
highness, and if you don't respect them
then it is high time that you stopped
short and asked yourself where this sort
of thing is going to lead to-
What right have you to come home IN
| the middle of the night, with your eye
brows in the middle of your forehead, and
| the corners OF your mouth drawn down
crosser than King Herod, and reader to
"snap' than bunch of powder-crsckers
just fred off Yes, what right ? "You
are tired to death /" Well, are you the
onlv person in the world that is ''tired to
death ?" Has not your wife been work
ing too, as long, and ten times as unre-
mittingly, as you? What nice little
domestic duet there would be if your
wife chanted the same song as yourself
wouldn't there?
For pity's sake, man, dismiss those ugly
wrinkles--lay aside that half-alive express
sion. Come into the house like sun
beam, not like ghost from the church
yard vault Brighten up! look on the
sunny side of life. If the body is wearied
all the more reason that the mind should
rise up bouyant and elastic !! Ii it was
| only yourself concerned, there would be
no objection to Jour creeping, Diogenes-
like, into the shadow Of your tub of trou-
BILE, and sitting there, groaning and moan
ing, until you were tired of it. But you
have no right to drag down your wife's
spirits and cast cloud upon the life of
your little ones. ta sa- Ea+ a5@..
"You never thought of thatl" No, be-
cause you never stop to "think' at all.
What right have you to walk the pub
lie thoroughfares, insolently putting your
| tobacco vapors into the tace Of every wo-