Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-04-27
SALMAGUNDI.

ported him.
 pB>It has been said that any lawyer who writes so clearly as to be intelii- gible is an enemy to the profession.
 Bsy~Thcre is one thing burglar can't do. He cant stand on the ground and rob balloon mile high.
 BzySwect to the sweet-W is q beautiful flower, that can be told, in the dark, even by its (s) talk.
 BEWhy is a watch dog larger at night than he is in the morning? Be- cause he is let out at night and taken in, in the morning.
 E~A sensible darkey, freed by Sher- mans bummers, has returned to Geor- gia, because "de sentiment North was so noxious to Southern gemmen."
 payM Mrs. Burlington says that when she was young, "gals were innocent, unconfiscated creatures; now they arc what the French call 'blazes.'"
 pey"I say, Mick, what sort of pota- toes are those you are planting ?"
 "Raw ones, to be sure 1; your honor wouldn't be thinking I would plant boiled ones?" .
 bs3yA"Excuse me, madam, but would like to know why you look at mo so savagely;;" said gentleman to lady stranger. Oh! I beg pardon, sir; took you for my husband,' was tho re- ply.
 ss~An Irishman, the other day bid an extraordinary price for an alarm clock and gave as a reason, "that as he loved to rise carly, now had nothing to do but to pull the strinG and he could wake himself"
 BeE~A married lady found her two sons quarreling, and, in hopes of put ting an end to their differences, uttered the following:
 "You young rascals, if you don't de- sist directly, I'll tell both your fathers.'
 FoR CoRNs.-Scrape piece of com- mon chalk, put small portion of it upon the corn and bind it with linen rag. Repeat the application for few days, and you will find the corn ceme off like shell, and perfectly cured. The cure is simple and cfficacious.
 Bss@ Aunt E---- was trying to per- suade little Eddie to retire at sundown. "You see, my dear, how little chickena go to roost at that timc." "Ycs, aunty," replied Eddie, "but the old hen always goes with them ;" Aunty tried no moro arguments with himl
 gsg-"Do you know sir what yon swallow every day of your life? Are you aware that your food resolves into twelve divisions-aqueous muciIagin- ous saccharine, amylaceous, ligneous, pectinaccous, acidulous, alcoholic, oleaginaus proteihaceous and saline ?"
 ESy-They tell of an old farmer, who while in town one day asked the best time to put in rye. 'It's about tho best time now" said the fellow, looking at his watch, ''and if you've got any postal currency about you I'll go and show you how it is donc."
 Lsg-"My brudders,' said a waggish negro preacher to his congregation, ''In all affection, in all ob your troubles. dar is one place where you can find sympathy" "Whar? whar?' cried sev- eral, "in dc dictionary" he replied rolling his eyes upward.
 TIE ONLY WAY.-'Sammy, Sammy, my son, don't stand there scratching your hcad-stir your stuii1ps, or you will make no progress in life"
 "Why, father" replied the hopeful, 'I've often heard you say that the only way to get on in this world was to scratch head"
 Rsg-Talent is power. Tact is skill. Talent kpows what to do,-tact knows how to do it. Talent is wealth,-tact is ready money. Talent tolls for those who will never repay it,--tact wastes no trouble, but gets it's recompensc from the passing. generation. Talent builds for eternity,--tact for short lease but gets good interest. Reg~A little lady friend of ours of some seven summers, hearing q gentle malt say, in conversation with her fath- CT down town, that we were no longer a State but territory, went home and very gravely informed her mother that we were mot in a State now, but in purgatoryl' The little girl got poli- ties and the catechism slightly confused. but did not miss tho truth very far after all.A~[ Ouachita Telegraph. I R2- An exchange tells the following !. As one of the trains of the Wilmington and Weldon road flying at full speed towards the first named city, negro lappeared on the track, jumping and making cxtravagant gestures for the train to stop. With all breaks on the engineer brought up and inquired:
 What's the inatter?"
 | The darkey replied "Massa here's Il five cent shin-plaster, an I wants you to fotch mo dat worf of fish-hooks-" Rsg-"Bob that is a fine horse you have there; how much.is he worth P
 'Three hundred and fifty dollars,
 "Not so much as that ?"
 "Yes, every cent of it--another fifty on to top oft"
 l "Arc you sure?"
 "Yes, I'll swear to'it.v
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