The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1867-12-13
Ait mud Simmer

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- Much ado about nothimg-th,
parting ofyoung ladies'.
- Why is the fire paradoxical2-
because the more it is coaled the hot.
ter it gets. --''
- Why is love like ducks foot? p
because it oftel. lies hidden in the
breast. '"'
- why does coat get larger when
TAKEN out of carpet-bag? Because
"heh taken OUT, you find It in credSeS.
- In one ofJosh Billings late pa
pers he says: "The sun was agoine to
bed, aud the hevins far and near We're
Diusting at the performance"
a country lawyer who was the
happy father of ten tall girls, AVERAGE We
ing about six feet in height. often boaS-
ted that he had sixty feet of daugh-
tiers.
y What is the difference between
butcher and young lady? Tile for
ner Kills to dress, while the latter
dresses to kill. -,
--W Why would sparrow feel Of
tended If you called him pheasant?-
Because, he'd think you were making
game Of him.
- What is the difference between
an attempted homicide and hog butch
cry! One is an assault with intent to
Kill, the other is kill with intent to
salt.
f" An Irish woman In Lowell hear
ing that gas was cheaper than Kerosene.
went to the clerk of the company and
presenting her can asked for pint, to
put the matter to Il practical test.
Mrs. Jones, q farmers wife in Con-
necticut, says: q 1 believe I've cot the
tenderest hearted boys in the world. |
can't tell one OF 'em to fetch a pail of
water, but what he Il burst out cryln. y
- 1t is said that few weeks ago
an emigrant wagon passed through
Missouri town bound west, with the
canvass marked tKansas or bust,'' It
has since returned Tabled 'Busted."
- The editor of the Fredericks-
burg Netps received a letter from one of
the Burial Corps, threatening to set fire
TO his Office If he does not abstain from
his vigorous deuunciation of the Radi- |
cal party,
"Nimrod, can you tell me who
was the first man 20
"A-dam somebody. His father wasn't |
nobody, and he never had any mother
on account OF the scarcity of women |
and pressure of the times!"
- Little Bobby | say, ma. is il |
true that we are ali made out of dust ~
Ma" Yes, my boy; SO we are told.n
lobby" Well, I'll be hanged if |
believe it; cause, Tiff we was, when
We sweat wouldn't it be muddy!'
- A raw Irishman, Just over, went
into restaurant, and was asked by
the waiter what he would have?
why, whites to ate, ay coorse," twas
the reply.
A plate of hash was placed before
him.
"Fot's that?" demanded Mickey.
"Ihat S Whites, =" was the answer.
Mickey eyed the compound suspi- I
ciously for some time, and finally ex-
claimed
"Be jabers, the man that chew'd that {
IAN ate it !"
" A lady was recently reading to '
Ter child-a boy of seven years-a sto- o
y of a little fellow whose father was ia :
Ken Ill and died, whereupon the young e
ter set himself diligently to work to V
Issst i'll supporting himself and mother g
When she had finished the story the fol- y
owing dialogue ensued: .
Mother Now, my little man, if your o
'apa was to die, wouldn't you work to o.
Ielp your mother 2" =
Boy-(not relishing the idea Of work. D
Why ma, what for? Amt we got
God house to live in? 10
Mother-Oh, yes, my child, but we ~ n,
ant eat the house, you know. G
Boy-Well amt we got flour, sugar 6
nd nt bar fhindrc in, -. q | 4
Enthusiastically we have, my dear ~
oy, but they wont last long, and what ii
hen? oi
Boy-Well, ma, amt there enough In
0 last until you get another husband?
"A roar of laughter ended the coloquy, "
An old Dutch farmer lust arrived m
+ the dignity of justice Of the peace pr
nd his first marriage case. He first nnll
nc to the man: ca
"Vell, you wants to be marrit, do YOU? SO
Well, you loves dis woman SO goot as ca
ny you have ever see?"
" Yes,," answered the man.
Then to the woman: To-
"Vell, do you love dis man so better -
J no man you never see %
Tie lady hesitaed, and he repeated: ~
"Nell, veil, do you likes him so we'll ~ 40
to be his wife?'. V,
I" Oh, certainly she answered with a {
nd of litter.
''Vell, dat is all any reasonable man r
"a expect So You are marrit. I 4
'onounce you man and wife," pr
The man then asked the Justice what ma ma
rs to pay. -;
''Oh, nothing at all-nothing at all =,
III are welcome to it if it will 60 you L
v good"