The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-11-16
Cur an Surts.

When is iron tho most irouicala When
It's railing.
When arc gloves uusaleabls' When
they arc kept on hand.
Why 10 an ess like colt, Because il is
not 6t to use until IL - broken.
Why 10 rheumatism like slutsoof Be-
ca''se il attacks the joints.
Why 10 a lady dancing ike q hore in .
ean,er' because she = saLhOppins.
VIVA, insect would denote that tho Span.
iarls were defeated! The Spanish fly.
Why is the letter u like euro for deaf
ness' Because IL makes tho ear hsay.
Why is blush like lit,le giri' 10.
cause il becomes woman.
Why is q cowsrdly soldier like buttsr !,
Because he Is sure to run st the 6rss fire.
Tho Gar Alexander Is writing . book.
], will DO bound in Russia.
VIVA, part Of dog should b named to
describe q certain condition Of winter
weather. It's nose.
Why 10 exhilar,tion like tho consequence
Of breaking rum bottls2 Because Il u .
flow Of spirits.
Why l. room full Of married folks like
a room that 10 eup,y' Because there 10
no, single person in il.
What sort Of throat 10 the best for q
singer to reach the high notes with! A
soar throat
What Is tho difference between your
gransry and your srsuny3 One 10 your
con.bin, while tho other 10 your born-kin.
A young Englishmsn BET 6rs to tho hay
stacks Of the father Of his sweetheart, in
revenge for being denied the privilege Of
counting her. His was certainly burning
passion.
The Boston papers are careful 10 state
that although Gov. Andrew was horn IN
windhn,n, Me-, that town At that period.
belonged to Massachusetts,. Tho Hub 10
thereby sraiided.
A man should indeed be ashamed and
afraid OF what ID really shameful, but to
shrink under every reflection upon his
character, though Il implies m Ingenious
neas and delicacy Of temper, has nothing In
il Of true greatness
An honest dame in the town OF Rome,
standing beside the corpse Of her deceased
husband, bcwailing in pi,eous tones his un-
timely departure. observed at 10 q pity
10 is dead, for his teeth arc Is good a they
ever wcrc."
"why don'ty you trade with mo ?" said 4
close.fis,ed radesmsn to friend tho other
day; the reply was characteristic: "You
have never asked the, sir I have looked
through all the papers for an invitation In the
shape OF an advertisement, and found none.
never 20 where am not invited"
Trust not the oath Of tho profano Be
sure they are spend,hrias Of honor. Those
who fear not God will hardly keep invio.
late covenant with man. and no occasion.
al sacredness can attach to IN habi,ual jest.
The motto Of their fai,h Is, Lightly spok.
en-, lightly broken"
A Frsnchman being about to remove his
shop, his landlord enquired tho rnason,
stating, at the same time that Il was con-
siiered very good stand for business. The
Frrnchman replied, . O, yes, he's very good
stand for the business-by gar, mo stand al
day, for nobody come to make me move !"
Providence boy, five years Of age, hav
ing stolen can Of milk, his mother took
him to task with moral suasion, and wound
up her discourse by exclaim;ng: "what
in the world arc you going to do with the
milk. anyhow 2" 81 was going to steal a
little dog to drink H." was the crushing re-
ply.
A young man In New Haven, tho other
day, rushed into drug store, and in grea,
alarm asked the clerk II benzins was poi
sonous. "No, said tho clerk, "why !"
Z" because" said tho fellow, father went
to the closet to take down tho gin bottle,
and by mistake took several swallows be-
fore no knew IT," "He 10 oil right" 70.
Piled the clerk; ." tho only difference be-
tween bsnzsne aud modern gin 10 In tho
smell"
A Pittsburg mason has negro at work
for him in tho capacity Of a hod carrier,
who 10 in tho habit Of going to sleep on
the brick pile. The other day, while work.
ing on tho second story Of house, he
yelled, " More mort" several times, if not
c;tener. nnd not hearing from the hod.car-
r,er. looked down and saw him sound
asleep, with hod foss pillow. Yelling At
him un.uccessfdlly, until hoarse, he adopt.
sd the novel expedient Of throwing brick
on his head. Tho rxss succeeded. Tho
dnrky walked up sayius. "D-n desc var
muskeeiep, Dcy won't huff feller Sleep"