The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1867-06-13
Odds and Ends.
Smile and grow Corpulent.

What shall man say when sitting on his wifes
best bonnet: I'm sitting on the STYLE, Mary.
Why is theft garnet like an honest man
Because he is above doing wrong action.
A man being requested to define hard drinking.
said twas sitting a rock and slipping cold wa
ter
merchant lately advertising for clerk who
could bear confinement, was answered by one who
had laid seven years in Jail.
Here, boys, I have four apples to divide among
us three; there is two for you two, and two for
me too.
Here's advice to the man who has wealth,
And TO him who riches inherits;
The best plan to be always in health.
Consists in being quite out of spirits.
Sam Slick said of all the deaths he preferred that
offreezing; for then one could go of with a stiff
upper lip"
What is that which every one wishes for, and yet
wants TO get rid OF rs soon as it is obtained?
good appetite.
French gentleman. who had heard rum called
SPIRITS. went into hotel few evenings since, and
called for glass of punch, requesting at the same
time that it should be made with 'GHosTs from the
Vest Indies"
An insurance agent urging citizen to get his life
insured said, "get your life insured for ten thou
sand dollars, and then If you die next week the
widow heart will sing for joy" He didn't quite
see it.
WOMAN.
Oh, woman woman thou art divine,
wish had one that | could call mine;
One that would soothe me in my woes
Wash my dinner and cook my clothes.
Why is a lawyer the most ill-used man in our So
cial system? Because, though he may drive his
own carriage he must draw the conveyances of 9th
er people.
The modest young lady who tainted at 'bare
idea,' was last week seen covering her naked eye.
Mark Twain proposed to an audience to Illustrate
the canniba prOpensities of the ancient islanders
by devouring child in the presence ofhs audience
if some lady would furnish him one for the occa-
sion. None were brought forward.
AN EPIGRAM.
1.-THE best hid plans of mice and men
or gang agIee.
THIS Max in Mexico did see,
SO did Jef and Gen. Lee
So did rebels generally.
AN old lady reading an account of dstin-
guished lawyer, who WAS said to be the father
of the New York bar, exclaimed 'poor man
he had dreadful set of children"
LAND speculatorin America, in describing
a lake on an estate in Cumberland county,
says it is so clear and so deep, that by looking
into it you can see them making tea in china.
''NIY GRAcIoUsr exclaimed an urchin in
this city, on beholding wealthy English
mans carriage, with three fOotmen in livery
''well, if it don't take three Britishers to make
one niger"
MADAM" said a cross-tempered physician
to patient, eff women were admitted to
paradise, their tongues would make it pur-
gatory." "And some physicians if allowed 10
practice there" replied the good old lady
would soon make it desert"
A POLITE young lady recently asserted that
she lived near a barnyard, and that it was i'm
possible for her to sleep in the morning-on
account ofthe cutlery made by gentleman
hen.
An old farmer was in the habit every night
of counting his live stock, to see if any had
gone astray He called out his son: "John,
have you counted the hogs|' eyes, sir" And
the turkeys, cows, and Sheep" "WeIl, then,
John, go wake up the old hen, and count her,
and then go to bed"
Job printing JOB printing"' exclaimed
Mrs Darlington the other day, as she peeped
over her spectacles at the advertising page of
q country paper. ''Poor Job they've kept
him printing week after week, ever since /
larnt to read and if he wasn't the patientest
man that ever was, he never would have stood
it so long, no how"
We clip the following editorial notice, which
is decidedly cool We wonder to how many
editors the remarks would apply
ABsENT.-The editor has gone up the river
for few days All good articles, facetious
remarks, puns and typographical errors, may
be attributed to his absence In order tC
give variety and vigor to the paper, he will
frequently leave town for week or So It is
to be hoped that the readers of this iourna
will appreciate his endeavors"
A SONG.
Let me kiss her for her mother
The bewitchng Polly Ann