The St. Cloud journal. [volume] (St. Cloud, Minn.) 1866-1876, 1867-12-19
: %CONCERSIN G SKATING.
4 caxtain Lecture to Mrs. Mark Twain
ssesy :..l552 - :. 4; r.. :.
:."Oh 60 70 sleep, you old foolv'
HMr. Twain, l am surprised and

she can't stop herselr and landing 10
the arms of, the very young man her
father don't allow her to know-aad
dartlns away again and falling on he,
head and exposing herself-e4posiny
herself to remarks about her careless.
ness, Madam-ho1d your tongue-and
always taking care to fall when that
young man is close by to pick her up.
It is charming! They look pretty and
interesting, too, when they are just
learniugs-when they stand still long
time III one place, and then. start one
foot gingerly, and it makes a break for
the other side OF the pond and leaves
the balance of the, girl sprawing on
this side! But you! You look fat and
aw kward and dismal enough any time ;
and when you are on skates you waddle
| off as stuffy, and stupid and unsainly
fas buzzard that's had half horse fer
dinner. I'won't have it, Madam! Ana
you get under a little precarious head
way and then put your feet together
aud drift along STOPPING your head and
| shoulders and holding your arms out
like you expected church was going
to fall on you; it aggravates the life
out of me! And Tuesday, when was
ass enough to get on skates myself, and
kicked the Irish Giants eye out the
first dash, and lit on my head and crack.
ed the ice so that it looked like the sua
with all: its rays had dropped where
struck, aud they fined me ninety two
dollars tor running the mans pond, /
was terrified with the conviction that !
had gone through to. the inside of tie
world, because I saw the parallels Of
latitude3 glimmering all around me J;
and what was it but yoi,: in your awk-
Wardness, fetching up: over me with
Jour confounded 'tilters' on?; You've
got To-. discard those things: J. can't
stand the pew rent, and I'won't."
"Mr. Twain, Lam surp-"
;."Hold your clatter. T tell you you
shan't bring odium upon the family by
your .disgraceful attempts to skate,
|:spfaWling around with your big feet
like a COW plowing her way down hill
in slippery weather. Maybe you
wouldn't be SO handy about displaying
these feet Of yours if. you knew what
occurred when [ took your shoes down
| to get mended." i
".What Was it? Tell me what it was :?
tell me what it wasthis minute? I just
know,ita one Of your lies"
consequence; go to Sleep"
"But it. is of consequence! You've
got to tell me; you shan't agsravate me
this way;: I won't go to sleep till 1
know what it was"
ooh! it wasn't anything"
:"Mr. Twain, / know better! You're
just doing this to drive Inc to distrac-
tion. What did that shoemaker say
about my shoe? What cid he do !
IQuick ~ i -. p: -. -:
"Well if you must know, he-he-
however, it's of no consequence"
"Mr.: Twain" -, -
"Well, he---he took it and gazed up.
On it long time in silence, and put his
handkerchief;to his eyes and burst into
tears" -: -
"Nhy you born fool! Twain, are you
d going stark staring crazy? .y
! ,:"He just; stood there and wept as if
his heart would break, poor devil
! There now, let's 60 to. Sleep"
d "Sleep,lyou: luuatic! Pif never close
my eyes till I know what that idiot was
crying aboat-and: you won't either, ]
can tell you that. Come ~ ':- =:
Ooh it don't matter" ..
"Mr. Twain: it you say that again
I say I'll make you sorry for it; vha'
was that numskuil crying about?' =
), <"Well, he-he-'' - -
"W.e-ll, he. Out with, it! do''yo.
want me to-to-Twain.: IN SNATCH
!; them pet ftinges off till the sides 0
Y your heads as bald as the top Of it." :
EA"Neli' he-poor fellow !-hc said h
dated on his grandmother fairly dotee
on her: She had nursed him, you know
T. because his mother was feeble, aud So
Well he came to this country iftee'
years ago, and got along pretty well
and was shout to send to England TO
. the old lady, when hard times came an
he got broke. He went into fruit then
i and after that into milk-into all sort
of things, you know; but he got disaE
pointed every time till this present bu:
J mess fetched him out at last, all righ
and sent right of for. the old woman
: She landed here four weeks ago, b,
died the very same night. 1t was hare
= very hard, after all his waiting and toi
u u ing for fifteen years, to get her ov'
= here ut last and have her die on h
u q hands. He-he-well, he was disgute
!, However, he laid her out, and he an
q his friends sat up with her, and by an
" BY the memory of her virtues softene
{. h,a bitterness aud turned it to tend
J. gricf-a settled melancholy that hui
y about his spirits Ike pail for maj
&c days. However, by patiently striving
T. keep sad thought out of his mind,
was finally beginning toregain some lit
'e of his old time cheerfulncss, when 80
: shoe reminded him so painfully Of |
y !! poor saiuted grandmother's coffin"
y "Takc that, you brute! and if y
81 dare to como back hero I'll kick =
Ct out again! You degraded old rufian
~ -: ---1~
a. As the last Congress voted the soldi
So sixty five millions Of money in3e4tra bo'
IL ties, and a. ..thc solditr, csn All seo'
! homesteads now under tho General hos
w. stead law, the proposition to give the :
g. diers additional tsunty out of the put
he landa Ii In, ,e.sded merely to place Ia
;nr warrants or several hundred millions
~ acres III the hands of spectators. Let
VI ey.fnguisher be put on it.-N. !. t1f'o''
~ That is right. Any thing that woe
;es throw into market additional land y
til rants or scrip is an injury to the col
en- try, and Of bene6: only to speculate
ne ':e Soldiers who want land had better
'at ,ot lect homesteads !; and let whate
ar bountics that may be determined on
Of paid in money. Tho whole West I
on o.. tests against any further issue Of =
OF rants .. s' Ess" 81 -% q. ,s..., ss.,Ss =
. "a }. .s-Harriet Beecher Stove is pref
ing a new novel, for publication in
81 .. assISer fffN1sa> NolIkY