davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26
The AbSurdity of Drinking.

1t has become sort of popular
almost national-faith that it is not pos
sible to be truly happy unless you drink
Among certain classes and they are by
no means exclusively the lowest--drnk
is the beginning and end Of everything.
The very name of liquor is held to be
synonymous with enjoyment, and the
dearer the liquor the more it Is priced
and coveted. Yet every man who j.,
not Il downright drunkard is well aware
that the pleasures of drinking are
beyond certain point, mockery, !;
delusion aud IL snare. l put it to amy
one who has stood half the night at Il
bar or sat half the night In Il club room
drinking, smoking and bandying recls
less talk, ii the enjoyment of such an
evening has been anything like II few
quiet hours spent at home with Il book
or newspaper? The evil influence 0!
tavern pleasures Oh the health is too
obvious to be denied by any one, and
the liiusory nature of the pleasures
themselves would be undeniaLle also, il
the persons who indulge in them did
not deceive themselves and put the
truth out of sight.
No one ever brought any good out OF
a q thinking bout yet. 1t is short fever
,sh spasm of animal I..,.'"'heht, which
leaves nothing behind but moroseness,
regret, bad temper, self-reproach and
headache. | should like to ask YOU, sir,
if you say your prayers when you come
home in that state? No, you don't
You are ashamed to say them. You
postpone them until you have purged
yourself, your mind, and your lips by
more sober and rational behaviour
Next night when you pass the hours
quietly at home with book or friend,
you feel that you have had real enjoy
ment, and that the time has passed
pleasantly, that you have learned some
thing, and that you have not injured
your health. You are not ashamed to
say your prayers, and you get up next
morning with Il clear head, good APP
petite, and an increased faculty for work
and enjoyment of life.-IN the Year
RO,t,iH
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26

En-T The following anecdotes Of legal
proceedings in the early days of Shabby
county, we take from the Des Molnss
Registers r..
AT that time the counties Of Craw.
ford and Carroll were attached to Shel.
by, for electoral, judicial and revenue
purposes. Judge sam. II. Riddle hsld
the first session ofthc Distr.c. Couit for
these counties in the grocery OF 8 Solomon
Hancock, ut Gallend's Grove. The
Judge charged the grand jury, aud sent
them out into a smoke house near by 10
deliberate. While they were out the At
torney Joined with the Judge In ..so-
clal' game Of euchre "for the drinks."
In the meantime the grand jury Issued
subpenas for witnesses to testify n to
the selling of intoxicating liquors. BY
solomon Hancock. One witness stated
that he had drank something ut Solo
mons grocery, he didn't know, really.
whether 1t was "lickern or not; il didn't
intoxicate him. but 1t dill make him
awful sick to the stumn.ick, ~ but hS
had drank ,cGtes' that served him the
same way. THAT will do" said the
foreman, and turning to member Of the
jury he whispered, "pass around the
Jug n two-gallon jug was immsdi-
atelyproduced from acorncr of the snAnke
house. After It had been passed around
the grand jury returned to the grocery.
reported that there was nothing before
them, and they were thereupon dis
charged. ~
lhe first sheriff Of the county cou'd
neither read nor write. When the codes
were distributed by the County Jud q.
copy was sent to the Sheriff, who, by
the way, was in the habit Of gettins
drunk occasionally. At such times hiy
wife, being ola practical turn Of MUD
would read to him that section Of the
statute which makes habitual drunken.
hess II sufficient cause for enforcement.
On one of these occasions the "aigh
sheriff. being no longer able to listen
10 the reading OF the section in question.
"~i"e" ti'e statute ana carry ing 1t to the
Judge threw 1t down cXclaining, "there
now, don't you ever dare to send any
more such - nonccnse to my house"
"a suit wa, being tried before u Jus.
tce of the Peace, and one oe the atto-.
heys sent boy to the ",i!oresaidn Sher.
iii 5 house TO get the session law, or new
acts. The boy told the sheriff that Mr..
Butler was talking down there and
wanted him to send down hi, ne,v ar.
Ihe Sheriff seized his ar, went with I. .
hoy to the house where the parti. . were
arguing the case, called the attorney out.
and, taking him cDntidentially to o,fa
side produced an AK OF ancient pattern
! and rs round on he edge Il. a hash knife
saying, Jim, this is the only ux 1 ever
got; brought it from 'Indianny' with,
me. You see the handle is straight and
| the bit Il little warped, and / am afraid
II Aou undertake 10 chop Il race with it
you will lose the bei!' The attorney
loved fun, and the eresut of this ludicrous
| interview may b. imagined.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26
Hold on Devil.

In the early days OF the State Of Indi-
ana, the Capital was Corydon, and the
annual session ofthe General Assembly
usually brought together as wild set of
wags rs could be found in the State,
who had to rely on their own resources
for amusement, for there were then few
theatres, concerts or shows.
& The lovers of mischief had established
a mock Masonic Lodge, into which they
would entice such rs were little green,
andtake them through variety ofridicu-
lous ceremonies, to the infinite amuse-
ment Of the crowd. On one Of these oc-
casiens, 1t being understood that a good
natured. athletic yosng man, about half
simpleton, was to be initiated, the
room was crowded, Judge Grass, ut be-
ing character in which he was particu-
larly happy consented to act the roll Of
the devil and to make the services
more impressive, had put on false face
and large paper cap, surmounted with
horns, and with some chains in his hand
placed himself behind screen.
After taking the candidate through a
variety of ceremonies, he was brought
to stand before Il screen, and told that
he had to confess all crimes he had COM
mitted during his whole life. The can
didate confessed some trivial offences
and declared he could recollect no more.
At this time the Judge came from the
screen, groaned, and shook the chains.
The frightened candidate related some
small matters and declared he had rela-
ted all the crimes he had committed.-
AT this the groans of the pretended devil
became furious, the chains ratified, and
he shook his horns in the face of the
terrified candidate. who starting back in
alarm, cried out:
III hold on Nm mister DID devil, if |
m-must tell you, I d-d-did kiss Judge
Gsgrass's wife a couple or t-:;mes :"
The groaning ceased, and the devil
disappeared.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26
Wading the Mississippi.

We learn that successful attempt was
made xesre, day to wade the Mississippi.
Two weIl-known c,,....ens having ,"roVid-
ed themselves with rubber bou.~I strode
into the river, on the chain of rapids
Just above the packet depot and actual
~ succeeded in accomplishing the haz-
ardous feat. Therefore, let it go forth to
the world that in the month of Decem-
ber, 1867, the great river of the nation
was successfully waded at this place an
incident that has never before occurred
aud it may be long years ere another
eager itemizer will clutch his pencil to
record similar occurrence. Weston
walked to Chicago from Portland. Me, i,
and gained great applause, but the
"wadists" of Keokuk accomplished a
feat in crossing over the rapids Of the
Mississippi that for novelty and daring
eclipses everything Weston has yet
done. III @#
The Mississippi Is shorn of its mighty
proportions, and it moves sluggishly
along as If feeling the insignificance to
which it has fallen. The low water
mark of other years will be forgotten
the low watermark of 1867, never
Keokuk Gate City, 18th.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26
The Colorado Navigable to Utah.

Ihe COLORADO NaVlgaDle TO Utah.
The Colorado river, whether consid
cred as an independent water course
through an almost unbroken country,
or in connection with the railroads that
are stretching across the continent, is
an object of peculiar interest. A deeply
interesting report was lately submitted
to the merchants of San Francisco by
G.. w. Gilmore, who was commissioned
to examine and explore the river, with
the view of ascertaning its practicability
as "A navigable route to Utah.
A small steamer called the Esmeralda
was fitted out for the trip. This steam
er was 81 feet long, with l2-inch cyiin-
der and l2-foot wheel, having in tow
alongside barge l26 fact long, and 26
feet beam, used for carrying fuel along
the upper portion of the stream, where
! wood was difficult to obtain. The dis
tance from the mouth of the river, to
Callville in Utah, is COO miles, The
| country is described a., for q considera-
BILE part peopled by friendly Indians,
cuitivating corn and nearly every kind
of vegetables. Other portions are heav-
| ily timbered. The river is from half
/ to one and half miles wide, and the
water from four to eighteen feet deep.
! and no serious distractions from RAPIDS
/ or other causes. An account says:
"The renowned Black Canyon is from,
eight to ten miles in length. Through
this the river flows with deep curren,
aud an average width Of 200 feet. Tte
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26


huge mush- stick, al rceking Nie6 ~
hasty pudding dealt the innocent 1uck.
less e. a furious blow, laying him flss -
the fionr--a lat-boafynAn indeed.
Explanations or apologies ~sse useleso
and So, with hair. eyes, beard aud snous.
tache All dripping With his fayorits del.
icaey,he gathered himself UP aud Dc.
parted for his floating dointtst 4 tAdGss
and a wiser man. n egtt ~paHE 5a'
SNOW SroRMs.--Tl5e Ereafest snow
storm recorded in Russia ,ccuSsednl the
stcpps of KIgheez In Siberia, I'm il0S7.
destroying 81, 900 horses, 81. 400 cattle,
i,otl,on sheep, mnd 10 ssI3 csiniels, The
greatest recorded In Elplsnd h l1lat g
1874, IN which, f,r fortyeTght hons1 the
snow fell so furi"nsiy tbat driftS i.fF sl1.
teen, twenty, and even twenty four tbet
were rccorded in various ,aaces. TA the
south "f scotland. In ls2O, there werO
thirteen dirty days, which klilsd nine
tentiis OF all the sheep, On EslRialo
Moore, out OF of 10000 only IS were left
alive, and the shepherds evcrywLesD
built huge semcireuiar walls OF the
deal creatures to afford shelter t. the
living till the gale should end. An inch
al hour IL thought To he the avsraRo
rate OF deposit, though four inches aI0
said to have fallen during the. setsr>
storm in this State January I'd, lss9
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26

TRUTH.-Adhere always rigidly and
undeviatingly to truth express 1t in a
pleasing manner. Truth is the picture,
the manner is the frame that displays it
to advantage. If man blends his angry
passions with his search after truth,
become his superior by suppressing
,.o,."s, and attend only to the justness
and force O., his reasoning. Truth con-
veyed in austere anu acrimonious Ian
guage, seldom has salutary enect
since reject the truth, because we are
prejudiced against the mode of commu-
nication. The heart must be won be-
fore the intellect can be informed. A
man may betray the cause of truth by
this unreasonable zeal as he destroys its
salutary effects by the acrimony of his
manner. Whoever would be u success
ful instructor must become a mild and
afiectionate friend.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26

MUsCATINE, OsKALoosA AND CoUN-
GIL BLUFFS RAILWAY.--Such is the
title of all important enterprise inaugu
rated at meeting of our citizens, last
night, by calling a convention of all in
terested at Oskaloosa OH the 10th prox.
The intention is to organize a company
for the construction of Il railroad thro
the tier of counties directly west of this
city-viz: Washington, keokuk, Ma
haska. Marion. Madison, Adair, cass
and Pottawotomie. This will make a
line midway between the Burlington
road and the Rock Island and Pacific
road 10y way of Des Mones. 1t will run
through the most populous tier of coun-
ties in the State, distance considered,
and will be shorter than any other line
connecting the Mississippi river with
the Missouri through Iowa. 1t is the
intention to make this a connecting line
with direct Eastern line from this city
via Peoria, which will make almost an
air line from Council Blufls to Philadel-
phia and New York. saving IA distance
of about one hundred and fifty miles
compared with the route h., the way of
the Chicago and Northwestern
The men who have taken hold of this
enterprise mean what they say and if
the people Of the several counties inter
ested second their efforts, which they
NO doubt will do, it must succeed
Masculine Journal, Dec. 1871.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26
On the tombstone over the graves Of
husband and wife are the following

lines:
Within this grave do lie
Back to back, my wife and I;
when the last trump the air shall ali,
fshe gets up I'll Just lie still.
The grim Old joker at the White House
suggests, in his message, that il we are
not going to make any more use of gold
and silver as money, it would be well to
dispense with the expense of mints. 1t
is rather odd to hear johnson talk Of
doing without mints OF any kind. OF
course he doesn't include juieps.
4 certain Judge, pfonouncing SEN
tence of death upon an Irishman, said:
"You shall he taken to the place Of exe-
cution and there lie hanged by the neck
until you arc dead; and may God have
mercy on your soul.' At this the pris--
oner exclaimed: 'Hold there, Judge; +
want none Of your prayers, for never
knew a man to live long after you pray
ell for him.
Good little boys at a Georgia Sunday
school have circus tickets for rewards Of
merit.
SemInes has three lectures on the Ala
bama-one on her outfit and two OH how
she fit after she was out.
A smart boy, during recent revival.
was asked If he could say the .'Publican's
Prayer" and he replied, No, sir; I'm
Democrat.
Mr.. Neal Bryant, champions snorer,
avaiis himself of the medium, of a sport
ing paper to offer to snore Mr.. Isaac Ed
wards for 5000 Il side.
"A pair of pretty eyes ia tile best mir
ror to shave BY" Sw!ncher says he has
known many a man to be shaved by
them We have known many a man to-
be saved.
Brown had been in love with young.
lady, and asked permission to call her
by the name of some animal which re-
quest was granted on condition that she
should have the same privilege. On
leaving, Brown said, Good night.
dear" Good night, BORE" shs
said.
Admiral Farragut saw in Sweden an
entire battery OF brecch loading cannons
Of wrought iron, taken out Of vessel
sunk during the seventeenth century
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26

CURE FOR FROSTED FLEsH.-We are
informed on good authority that moth
ing is better for withdrawing the frost
without injury to frozen ears, cheeks
and fingers than the immediate applica-
ton of Accommodating it OH gently a
few times. In one instance both cheeks
We're frozen, and this remedy produced
immediate relief without the usual in
flammat'on. The same person repeated
the application at another time with
equal success. In another case the rem
edy was applied to u badly frozen ear,
which, as in the other instances, it cured
without Inflammation. 1t is indispen-
sable that the application be made before
thawing. This remedy is the more val
liable because it is always at hand in
every house. Country Gentleman.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26

restoration, while the 0nly possible and
practicable policy is To- proceed with re-
construction. It must not be forgotten
that the suffrage ives not given to the
enfranchised class at once. 1t was not
given, to them until experience had
plainly proved that without it the rights
OF that class We're not safe. If those to
whom the President would alone intrust
the practical power had shown that they
would use it for the common protection
they could have it. But they eagerly
hastened to show that they would not
use it justly or with safety to the coun-
try. Therefore Congress wisely declined
to surrender to them, and by making
suffrage general opened the way for ev-
cry man to protect himself. .a.
There will undoubtedly be much that is
grotesque and unwise i'm the action of the
new constituencies. But .he constitu-
ton which "Mr Pope's Ce.s..sntion" las
the World calls it,with touch of the
same exquisite humor that deeribes SEN
atoss Sherman and Fessenden rs disun-
ionists) frames, although some of its pro-
visions may be crude, will not have the
deep and damnable cruelty OF the old
State government before the wal; and
whatever the Virginia Convention may
do, its action can not be more savagely
denounced by the Democratic papers
than the Albany Argus denounced the
action Of our own Constitutional Con-
vention of which it said, with a pompous
absurdity that makes the Worlds gibcs
at the Southern Conventions inexpress-
IDLY tame: "Their course is the last
phase of that Higher Law drama,
which, opening in fanaticism and hate,
and the dragging on through tragedies
of blood and woe, now drifts toward an
archy and chaos, and that night of des-
potism that lowers beyond"
If the work of reconstruction-a work
in its nature slow and difficult has
deem complicated and delayed, the Pres
ident and his supporters may thank
themselves. 1t is they who have taught
the late rebels to believe that they cauld
reorganize their States as they chose,
and not rs the victorious country chose.
And it is that belief which has made
and still makes the trouble. .-Harper's
Weekly.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26

A State fair is a queen; al agricultural
fair IS farmers daughter; q church fair
is q parsons wife; soldiers fair is the
best looking girl he can get hold of; a
charity fair is a female pauper; and the
most unpopular fair in the universe is a
boarding house fare.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26

The water Is smooth and unbrokcn
anu no rocks obs.ruct tie passage. A
large portion of the distance perpendic-
uiar walls rise to the height ofa thous.
and feet on either side, In some places
almost shutting out the light OF day
and awakening in the mind of the voy-
aaer the most profound admiration aud
awe. In solemn granduer and native
suollmity no spot on earth equals the
Black Canyon of the Rio Colorado Of the
West. Years ago, when Lieutenant
Ives first passed through it in small
boat he reported its navigation imprac.
tical If not impossible. But the inexor-
able claims of commerce have ut last
pierced its gloomy depths, and its grim
walls will soon send back the echoes of
shrill steam whistles and the plash of
paddle wheels. ...... ...
The scholarly and theological world IS
severely exercised just now over an Eng
lish translation, just published, Of the
late Baron Bouson's elaborate investiga-
ton of the true position Of Egypt In uni
versal history. \ devout professor of
Evangelical Christianity, Bunsen joined
his own great learning and industry to
the long list of Egyptologers, from Cam
pollon to Lepsius, and has evolved out
of the vague memorials of that ancient
land, most curious and interesting sys-
tenn of chronology, by which he inter
prets the numbers of the Biblical record
as symbols, not chronicles. He thinks
that man was upon the earth about 90
900 years b. &. ; that the language of
Egypt was III process OF Formation about
$4,000 years b. {. ; that 1900 years B
{. was the commencement of symbolical
hieroglyphies, and SO on. Noah's food
he places about 10000 years b. c. His
whole system he founded on the princi-
pal that If this mighty empire was found
10 have existed 400 years B c., with a
peculiar language, written characters,
national art and science, and ifit be
shown that its language was not orpi-
nal there, but deposit from an older
Asiatic formation, it will require at least
10000 years to explain the beginnings of
the development of man, through the
laws OF growth in language The sys-
tenn is elaborated In five volumns, and
is, while fanciful and largely imagina-
tive, u magnificent monument of learn
ing, which is now attracting great atten
ton throughout the Eng ish speaking
world
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26
WIN. ELLIOTT,


4 TroRNEY AT LAW, Notary Public, Con-
N svayanccr and Collecting Agent. will furn.
tsh abstract " Land titles, and give especial
attention to the sale of real estate.
s1fcc in Rice's Block, st}a #a-
Mcchdnicsri7e, Cedar Co., Iowa.
trfcrx. by permission to Hon JAS H. Roth
Iorks Judge Sth judicial District Of 1owu: Hon.
~ ~ Wright Secretary ofState; Hon. Wm.P.
MAJ .I3nioaa. Iowa.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26
G.. p. INGMAN.
DISSOLUTION,

rTNIE partnership p herStDforS e.i.tine het.vec,r,
J. r. Doynton and q. p. Ingman. under the
fLm of. Z. Boynton & Co. Is this day dissolv.
to said atsn IRE notified TO cali and pay up IN
Irediately. ..--'st-is -
Having sold out our stock OF Grocev,s~'
tluecnswnre, &c, to Messrs. Bagley InRman' ~
we would respectfully invite the patroas al
the retiring firm to continue with the new a.
We are sure they will be honorably dealt with.
j. E. BOYNTON.
g. =. INGMAN.v
Upton. lowns December 4th. 1867: i
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26
AARON p. G1T,RERT

~ : 01 IOLTk1
/ AND, TAN-PASlSG AND COLLECTING
Agent, curyeyancer, Braugktxman OF
Models for is.tssss OGlee. Upton, Cedar tsonty.
Iowa. Y.ani bulnes transacted In ali id
''fHhche6 AxeA 1ssld Tor nom -residensS,@ lea
ct patents procured. bouniies and pensions
~',iicrte.i. Office la basement Of Court House
with l. l. sweet.
kEfEnENcES-IIon VIM r Wolf IL C Piatt. II
Carr, Upton. Iowa; Drake a COvingtsn, Mus
<:at!n", iowa. sssgsssE : 4Itf
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26
WIN. M. KNOTT.

A UCTIONEER. Will attend promptly to
~ sellin. all kinds of property at Auction.
in any part Of Cedar county. "A list Of hia kales
will always he found 40 the Triton ADyERTI-
SER office, where those desiring his services
can fix the day for their sale without seeing
Inn.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1867-12-26

fnre Ground Spices lin bulk)st ALDENs.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1867-06-26

The President aud his party left New
York on Saturday morning, at 8 o'clock,
were received with some showsof'enthu.
siasm by peopleat the various towns on
the way, and arrived at Longwood Sta
tiou; three miles from Boston, at
o'clock. There the party was received
by q military escort and delegations Of
the city authorities. Salutes were fired,
and thousands of persons assembled
and cheered repeatedly. Entering car
riaees, the President and his friends
were driven through Brooklyn and
Roxbury amid the cheers of resi-
dents. Three regiments of infantry,
B battalion of cavalry and q full
company of marines were in line, await
ing to receive, the President. The
streets and windows wero densely filled
with spectators, and there was wavin q
of handkerchiefs and occasional cheer
ing as the President passed up Wash
ington street. At the line dividing
Roxburyy from Boston the President
was met by Mayor Nsrcross, who ex-
tended to the President q cordial well
come in behalf Of the municipal au-
thorities, for which honor the latter re-
turned thanks and accepted the hospi-
talities SO generously rendered. The
President was theu invited to take a
seat with the Mayor, which he did; the
band played "Hail to the Chief,n many
In The immediate vicinity cheering; the
military formed in column, and the
procession moved into the city. '.r.1. :