The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-05-31
A Little Nonsense.


SIT takes nine tailors to make man" but
one is enough 10 ruin him. lr
What ailments are policemen the most sf-
ficted with2 Felons on their hands.
Naturalists have now settled the fact tina
every COW once wore calfskin boots.
When is a tombstone like rushlight?
When it is set up for late husband.
Why is conscientious grocer like a COM
pass2 Because he gives you the correct way.
What's best to prevent old men from de-
sparingf Echo: ''Pairihg."
Why are the ladies' like Scotch snuff? Be-
cause they will bring foolish man to his
knees (snees.)
1t is well enough ,that men should be
killed by love. Man born of woman should
die Of woman.
A Nevada paper wishes bachelors to be
taxed heavily enough to drive them either to
matrimOny or suicide.
A fool in high station is like a man in
balloon-everybody appears little to him,
and he appears little to everybody.
1--WE see," said Swift, in one of his most
sarcastic moods, "what God thinks Of riches
by the people he gives them to-"
"Sam, why am Senators like the fishes2'
81 don't meddle wild the subjec', Pomp."
"Why, don't ye see, nigger-because dey am
fond of debate" 3. "eg
Different sounds will travel with different
velocity-a call to dinner will run over ten
acre field in a moment and a half while
summons to return to work takes from five
to eight minutes. ..i. ..... ......i..
An honest Hibernian, trundling along a
handcart containing all his valuables, was
accosted thus: "Well, Patrick, you are mov-
ing again, see." Faith am, he replied,
"for the times are SO hard it's dale cheaper
hiring handcarts, than paying rints- ;"
An English traveller, by mistake left an
under garment at a country inn, where he
had passed night. He wrote to the land
| lady 10 forward to him the missing article,
whereupon he received the following reply:
"My gentle sir, pray don't feel hurt;
| I'll frankly tell you all about it.
I've made shift Of your old shirt
And you must make shift without it.
"Why, Mary, my dear how is this; 1
4 luu yOu StSeAA6 hCAO 81 SOtAAOA eooAC nAeA
your husband2 You told me this morning
you had quarreled, and he had gone for a
sailor" Il, father l, l told nothing of the
| kind" Oh, nonsensel / am sure you had
some words together" @Yes, father, so we
did. He asked me what O'Clock it was, l
said didn't know, and so he left the house,
saying he was going to see. That's all told
yOu." s
i This note came with baby to the door.
step of house in San Francisco: ''Dear
Mrs. Chamberlain, l am little motherless
child. My father is poor but honest. He
has four other children to support but my
Heavenly Father has sent nae unto you, to
be daughter to you. l have no name
therefore, please give me what name you
may choose. 1 bring with me my bottle.
Feed me only on one cows milk. Yours,
affectiOnately, aaa-s BABY.''i4
There is story told of rebel soldier, who
was one day passing house in which he
heard ayoung lady playing the piano and
! singing, that will be appreciated by our
musical friends. He stopped and listened
i attentively, until the damsel ceased singing,
when he put his head through the open win
dow, and said: "If you please, Miss, be kind
i enough to CLAW THE IVORY AND HOWL AGAIN!'
Somewhat startled, she asked what he meant.
''Why, play and sing some more;'' which
she gOod-naturedly did. s ..i-.-fs is.d
''What is the use of hvinglP snarled q
veteran grumbler, the other day. tWe are
fogged for crying when we are babies; fog
ged because the schoolmaster is cross, when
we are boys; obliged to toll, sick or well, OF
starve, when we are men; to work still hard
er (and suffer something wersel) when we
are husbands; and, after exhausting life and
strength in the service of other people, die
and leave our children to quarrel shout the
possession of our watch and our wife-tc
catch somebody else. -S