The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-03-22
THE TWENTYSEVENTH LECTURE.

MRS CAUDLE RETURNS TO HER NATIVE LAND
"uNMANIY CRUELTY or CAUDLE, WHO HAS
REFUSED "To sMUGGLE FEW THINGS" FOR HER.
sTbere. it isn't often often that l ask you
to do ANYTHING for me, Mr.. Caudle, goodness
knows and when do, Pm always refused
of course. Oh, yes anybody but your own
lawful wife, Every other husband aboard the
boat could behave like a husband-but | was
left to shift for myself. To be sure, that's
nothing new; always am. Every other man
worthy to be called a man, could smuggle a
few things for his wife-but | might as well
be alone in the world. Not one poor half
dozen of silk stockings could you put in your
hat for me; and every body else was rolled in
lace, and / don't know what. Eth What,
Mr. Caudle? What do / rant soM silk stock
ingS? Well,-it's come to something, now
There was time, | believe when | had
foot-yes, and an ankle, too; but when once
woman's married, she has nothing of the sort,
of course. No: Pm not a cherub Mr. Caudle;
don't say that. | know very well what | am.
81 dare say now you'd have been delighted
to smuggle for Miss Prettyman? Silk stock
ings become herl You WiSb Mss PrettymaH
'CaS an the moon? Not you, Mr. Caudle; that's
only your art-your hypocrisy. nice per-
son, too, she'd be for the moon; it would be
none the brighter for her being in it, know.
And when you saw the Custom House officers
look at me, as though they were piercing me
through, what was your conduct? Shameful.
You twittered about, and fdgeted, and flushed
up as if | really WGS a smuggler. So UGS?
What had that to do with it! 1t wasn't the
part of husband, l think, to fdget in that
way, and show it. You couldn't help j3
Humph3 And You call yourself person of
strong mind, l believe? One of the lords of
creation! Hal ha! couldn't help It'll
"But may do all can to save the money
and this lg ALWAYS IN rpw1r1 Vas Mr.
Caudle, shall save a great deal. Ho,O much
| sha'n't tell you. | know your meanness-
you'd want to stop it out of the house allow
ance. No: it's nothing to you where l got the
money from to buy so many things. The
money was my own Well, and if it was
yours first, that's nothing to do with it. No;
hav'n't saved it out of the puddings. But
it's always the woman who saves who's des-
pissed. It's only your fine lady-wives who're
properly thought of. If l was to ruin you
Caudle then you'd think something of me.
81 sha'n't go to sleep. It's very we'll for
you who're no sooner in bed, than you're fast
as a church; but | can't sleep in that way.
It's my mind keeps me awake. And after all,
do feel so happy tonight; it's very hard l
cannot enjoy my thoughts. No: can't think
IN silence! There's much enjoyment in that to
be sure Pve no doubt now you could listen
to Miss Prettyman-Oh, | don't care will
speak. 1t was a little more than odd, think
that she should be on the jetty when the boat
came in. Ha! she'd been looking for you all
the morning with elescope, I've no doubt
she's bold enough for anything. And then
how she sneered and giggled when she saw
me, and said, How fat I'd got' like her i'm
pudence, | think. What We'll she might?
But | know what she wanted. Yes-she'd
have liked to have had me searched. She
laughed on purpose.
81 only wish I'd taken two of the dear girls
with me. What things could have stitched
about 'em No--I'm not ashamed of myself
to make my innocent children smuggers the
more innocent they looked, the better; but
there you are with what you call your prin-
ciples again; as if it wasn't given to everybody
by nature to smuggle. Pm sure of tits
born with us. And nicely I've cheated 'em
this day. Lace, and velvet, and silk stock
ings, and other stockings, and other things
to say nothing of the tumblers and decanters.
No: l didn't look as if l wanted direction,
for fear somebody should break me. That 5
another of what you call your Jokes; but you
should Keep 'em for those who like 'em. l
don't.
"What haze made after all? pve told you
you shall never, never know. Yes, | know
you'd been fined hundred pounds if they'd
searched me; but | never meant that they
should. | dare say you wouldn't smuggle--
oh no! you don't think it worth your while
You're quite a cOnjurer, you are, Caudle.
Ha ha! ha What am / laughing at Oh
you little know-such clever creature Ha !
ha! Well, now, I'll tell you. knew what
an unaccommodating animal you were, so
made you smuggle whether or not. How ?
Why, when you were out at the Catf, l got
your great rough coat, and if didn't stitch
ten yards OF best black velvet under the lining
I'm sinful woman! And to see how inno-
cent you looked when the officers walked
round and round you 1t was happy mo-
! msnt, Caudle, to see you.
"What do you call it =? 4 shameful trick
anaCOrihy Of q rife? / couldn't care much tor
yOu? AS if l did MT prove that, by trusting
you with ten yards yards of velvet. But
don't care what you say: pve saved everything
all but that beautiful English novel, that
| Ive forgot the name of. And if they didn't
take it ont of my hand, and chopped it to bits
like so much dog Ser0ed me right9
And when | so seldom buy book No:
don't see how it served me right. If you can
| buy the same book in France for four shillings
that people here have the impudence to ask
more than a guinea for-well, if they do steal
! it, that's their affair." not ours. As if there
was anything in a book to steal
| "And now, Caudle; when are you going
home What Our time is not up? That's
! nothing to do with it. If we even lose a weeks
| lOdging-and we mayn't do that--we shall
| save it again in living. But you're such q
man Your homes the last place with you
Pm sure don't get wink of a night, think
ing what may happen. Three fires last week
and any one might as we'll have been at oul
! house as not. No-they mightnt? Well you
| know what | mean-but you're such man
'I'm sure, too, we've had quite enough o
this place. But there's no keeping you out
of the libraries Candle You RE getting suct