The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1867-05-11
Haisceuanp.
TEMPEST IN A TEAPOT.

Shortly after their honeymoon, Mr.. Job and
Mrs. Jerusha Racket, seated ris-l-cts at the
breakfast.table, commenced their first marriage
dispute upon the following trivial theme: large
fy or a small bee had buzzed out in such an ex'
peditious manner that while Mr.. Racket, with
out the slightest idea of the tremendous conse-
ouences. innocently remarked, "Rushy, that ny
didn't stay long enough for cake and wine.
Mrs Racket, with equal innocence and pleas
ant smile, observed, "Joby, the fly didn't come az
all, for it was bee."
Now, had they been discreet pair, the one
would have let it fly for fly, and the other
would have let it be a bee; but, no! apparently
they were stung bv reflection upon the accura-
CIV If their oversight and steak, cakes and coffee
grew coli as they warmly insisted, Job that 1t
could not be ANYTHING but rather sizeable ny !;
and Jerusha that it must be bee-"A small
working bee, possibly young one" she added,
to give force to her opinion, 'tor the flowers are
out, and these little insects smell honey"
"Do thew" sneered job irritated, 81 never
knew bee to smell honey in a sugar BOWL
"Bees can make mistakes as well as men" re-
torted his young bride, with a sarcastic smile,
this time.
"Ahem! or women" retaliated he.
Mrs Racket looked two darning needles at her
husband, and he, angry at the anger continued
"Jerushy am a good-natured man, but
have high sense of TRUTH which torblds me TO
agree with wrong assertion"
"And l." said she, meekly, ''prefer to be on
good terms with everybody; but l have a sim
cere spirit and though 1 would like to call it
fiy, for your sake should be ashamed OF my
Creator if did SO, and of my position as wife,
if l tolerated any such enroachment from hus-
band. have often heard of domineering hus-
bands. and am determined that l will not be
domineered-I thing, at least it is early-early,
to begin"
II think it is high time we begin to under
stand each other, Jerushy," said Job, with hurt
look "All along l have suspected that you
were spoiled child, unused to opposition; and
when married, having your eyes opened to .
new sphere of existence. you-"
"If I did, fosnd another as disappointed,
opinionative and obstinate as you say am. But
you may talk from now till neverday before I'll
say bee is fly"
"It is not at all necessary" said Job, coolly
leaving the table; "for fly would still be a
Ay."
The symptoms were ominous. During the
honeymoon, in difference to the period, if op-
posed in their assertion, they would nip the lip,
trot the foot, flash the eye, draw o long breath,
and after an inward struggle and a side wag Of
the head, say-"Be it 80! if you say so, it must
be so;" and each, noticing the others manner,
reflected-"I wonder if we should ever quarrel
fear I have high strung partner; but high or
low, if war comes, I'm not to be put down
Right is right" And after the probationary
month was over, they did quarrel, whether they
should or not.
After brief period Of mutual muteness, the
happy pair made up to each other and made up,
for they did not hold fire when there was no
controversy. In order to make the reconciliation
complete, Job calamity proposed: =,
"Rushe! let's have another honeymoon and
another excursion right off! !"
Eyes, and where shall we go!"
ITO see your Aunt Dorothea in Cherry Viii
lsge. It was there first met you. haven't
seen the good old soul since"
They agreed again, which looked suspicious.
So vehicle was hired and they rode out. On
the way through many halnlets, evening set in.
They were passing through village, when Je-
rusha insisted that that was the one
"No, it is the next" disputed he.
81 say this is Cherry Village!" contradicted
She "Do you think dentknow where my own
aunt livesI"
He succumbed, though confident he was right,
and drove from house to house till she was salts
fed she was wrong, and then proposed to put up
for the night at the tavern and ride on fresh in
the morning. So they rode to the tavern, sup
pered and retired This village was swampy
place, which provided million mosquitoes for
each inhabitant, and two million for transient
customers.
From the time they retired till midnight, these
winged compounds of venom and dirt 80 seren-
AIDED and bit them, keeping them slapping them
selves and groaning in the dark, that at last they
rose, and by the aid of light, began to light
on them in return. Mrs Racket, being natural
philosopher, wet two towels, knowing that mo-
squitoes are fond of dampness, and husband and
wife, thus equipped, began the work of bloody
desolation Standing alternately on chairs beds
and tables, they rivaled each other in this kind
of warfare and for an hour or 80, elevated to the
ceiling, thumbed at the nimble insects with such
torch to arouse the landlord who stood listen.
ing at the door.
by Jove! this chamber begins to look like q
butchers shop, I never shed 80 much human
fifteen. How many have you killed, Rushie +!
ANY,"
"Anyw exclaimed She Indignantly. "You're
not half as lively as I have been. Ny knuckles
are so jammed, I've famed my hand. If you
have killed fifteen. I've killed thirty"
This boast was doubted by Job, and they COM
pared towels, agreeing to abide by the numbe,
OF mosquito marks on each. Comparisons art
odious. So it proved in this case.
II have exceeded you by six marks" declared
Job, with enthusiasm. .
mo, you have not" denied She II STRUCK
twice as often, and must have beat YOU"
Twice as often, grant you, but not with
such correct aim. always was called gooi
shot"
"How provoking you are, Job! Ny towe
don't show so many signs, but the rest must have
dropped off,"
Here the landlord outside interrupted with -
II wish you'd both go to bed and drop off t.
sleep What are you about? thought 20,
were fighting"
NO." answered Job, "only killing some Of tn,
principal boarders in your house"