The weekly Butte record. [volume] (Oroville [Calif.]) 1866-1887, 1867-03-02

of life, takes the stratest cut to the devil.
IsN'r there an awful strong smell of pigs in the
air z! asked Smith of Jones. "Yes," replied Jones,
that's because the wind is from the sow-west."
WHAT is the difference between tunnel and
speaking trumpet? One is followed out and the
other is followed in.
THE valne of articles manufactured in Santa
Cruz last year was Ss7S $50 the Federal tax on
which amounted to 500, 500 "a.
NEvER.-Never trust with secret married man
who loves his wife, for he will tell her and she will
tell her sister, and her sister will tell everybody.
JACK your wife is not so peDsve as she used to
be-" No she has left that of and become confound-
eddy expensive"
AT negro ball, of Not transferable" the
tickets notice was posted over the door: mo gen.
tleman admitted unless he comes hisself."
PEDDLER being asked by a spindle -shanked
wag if he had any overalls replied: mo, but
have pair Of candle molds that would just fit you
BAcKBIrING.-I hate to hear people talking be-
hind one back as the robber said when the con-
stable was chasing him, and crying stop thief y
POoR.-There is q region in Oxford county, Me-
where the soil is poor that single grass hopes
might look over ten acres of it and weep.
HARD TNEs-The newest definition of "hard
times" is-sitting on a grindstone and reading
politicians speech
JOHN MULDER, of Eastmanvle Michigan has a
son aged only thirteen years who is five feet eleven
and one half inches in height.
THREE venerable persons died lately within five
days, in the same house, in Tallmadge, Ohio
Their ages were 90, rs and "A.
WHEN have married people passed successfully
through the alphabet Of love When they teach
the babe.
THE young woman who was lost in thought, AT.
ter wandering in her own mind, found herself at
last in her lovers arms.
THE Spanards say: "At eighteen, marry your
daughter to her superior; at twenty. to her equal;
at thirty, to any one who will have her.
HARTLEY CoLERIDGE on being asked which of
Wordsworth's productions be considered the pref.
hest, very promptly replied: His daughter Dora.
J. DEARBoRN, of Hampton, New Hampshire, has
lost, within about two months, seven of his eight
children, all dying of diptheria.
WIsCoNsIS Court lately decided that man
has right to chastse his wife to reasonable
extent
No LoNGER.-A Boston clergyman is preaching
SgdliSl tllIg nOOpS ana says ne cannot smut his
eyes to the abomination any longer.
HAVE They Have fish any weight in the wa
ter! They ought to have, for they are seldom
without scales.
ALwAYs-A tinsmith ought to be rich for he
always has plenty of tin. SO should baker, who
is never scarce of dough.
TELL HM.-When pickpocket pulls at your
watch, tell him plainly that you have no time TO
spare.
WOULD THINK So.-A wag has truly said that if
some men could come ont of their collins and read
the inscriptions their tombstones, they would
think they had got into the wrong grave.
A SELL.-An old bachelor says the "meteoric
shower was all a SELL improvised by the young
men for the purpose of sitting up all night with
the girls. But, pshaw, who heeds an "old bach p
DR.. FRANKLIN says that every little fragment
OF the day should be saved Oh, yes. the moment
the day breaks, set yourself at once to save the
pieces.
0wING.-Smith asked Jones what the high price
Of butter was owing to. a considerable part of
it is owing to my grocer" said Jones for it is
two months since have paid him."
SINCE the year 1856, when Mount Blanc was first
assembled by Saussure, there have been twelve fatal
accidents during aScenSions of the mountain. Six
OF these have occurred in the present year.
THE people of Omaha, Nebraska. have offered
Kistori 81 900 a night for two nights, to go and
play for them and they will pay all her expenses
DOWN East editor says he has seen the contri.
vance the lawyers use when they warm up with
the subject" He says it is glass concern and
holds about pint
CLERGYMAN down East asked woman he had
haptised, As she was coming ont of the water how
she felt in her mind. AMI was somewhat SURPRISED
10 hear the answer, Bully"
AN Irish ehila asked. whats liberty jamie,
dear 2 Why. replied Jamie '.liherIv cush;a
maehree names to do everythin, we like ourselves,
and hinder every one else from doing it,
SAYS an astronomer to a hright-eyed girl, when
talking OF rainhews: Did You ever see a lunar
bow, miss 2 Il have seen my bean BY moonlight
IL that Is what You mean, was the sly rejoinder.
The Springfield Republican tells of horse
which nan away in that city. throwing the driver
legs.
BILL posted on the walls of a country village
announces that a lecture will be delivered in The
open air, and collection made at the door to de-
fray expenses
TaE Mormon organ at Salt Lake saws that the
Mormons compose the emily community in the
country which does thoroughly believe in and sus.
tain the Bible, the excellent Constitution of the
United States and every wholesome human law.
tbs NEW ORLEANS RIor.-The Congress ion al
Investigation Committee have examined loo wit.
aesses, SO, OF whom were selected by committee
Of citizens The testimony when written win
make :. eco pages of legal cap.
AN EpIroR's HIsToRY.-A daily newspaper man
who has Just got cut OF the traces says he is be-
coming ACQUAINTED with his family He has dis.