The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-12-28

CHOPPED OFF By o UR SERIES EDIToR.
chips from "Punoh%
INA WH1spER.--"No man is a hero to his
valet )" is an assertion Of frequent occurrence.
Has poor maligned man ever had the courage
TO hint that no woman is heroine to her
maid
TIE BEST THING 0UT.-An aching tooth.
LIGHT AND DARK.--A novel has Just been
published, called "Fair Women" Are the
blondes to have undisputed sway9 Is there
no author who, in the cause of the brunettes,
will gallantly write story-it cannot fail to
please, if of gloomy oomplexion-and entitle
it Ozark WomenY''
F0OD FOR THH lMAarSArIoN.-Eareyy bread.
40 rEeUs OF ABYssNA.-Apropos Of the
Negus of Abyssinis, there is no want OF Whine
Tin some of the papers), but the real difficulty
is, to say where the order is to come from.
BUTTER UPON BAooN.-When Mr.. Thaddeus
Stevens tries to persuade the people OF the
United States that the public debt is to be
paid off in greenbacks, he will only find green
hackers.
FAMILY PRIDR.
First Boy. "My Fathers a Orfcer.'
Second Boy. "What OFFICER %
First Boy. ''Why, Corporal ~
Third Boy evidently "comic''). "So's my
Father-he's a OFFICER, too--A General he is ~
Fourth Boy. "Go along with yer !"
Third Boy. $50 he is-he's General
dealer !"
Why is Charles Dickens like one of Little
BOpeep's sheep Because he's left his "tale"
behind him.
AN OLD NURSERY JINGLE NEW RUEG.
King Theodorus kept his hill-wall
King TheodOrus wouldn't sing small;
Napiar his horses his rnulas and his man
Will catch Theodorus-who can say when
THE FACULTY OF ADvocATBs-Speech.
Chips from "Judy."
A CAUTIoK.-Don't be too anxious to solve a
sonundrum. Judy knows man who got two
black eyes in endeavoring to find out "the
difference between man and woman fighting
In the street."
WHEN person well replenishes a fire, how
does it feelf Grateful %
A DRY REMARK-'Let's liquor.''
BRIGHT IDEA.-It has been suggested that
IL is because the Brights are "cottOn people"
that the people cotton to them. Ahem Is
it not possible that the influence of cotton
might turn out to be bale-fulP
WHAT is the best remedy for tagging Of
spirits fagon of wine.
ON THE LOSS OF HIS LAST TOOTH.
CBy Veteran minus his Molars.l
'Tis true that life span is but
We may changes see,
when child my own teeth cut,
But now my teeth cut me.
It don't afford me pleasure sweet
To part with former chums;
But without my teeth must eat
Yes, that l must by gums
chips from "Fun.'
A NoTE WITH ga HITCH' IN T.-An actor
may be said to resemble a sailor-each is dis
tiDguished by his particular ROLE.
Vrs DR Soc1ETE-"The Glass of Fashion,
A CoNUNDRUM.-BY VERY RUDE OLD PARTY.
Why is ladys throat like an appendage to
her watch Because it's 8 chatter-lane (chate-
1Aine.)
FAVORED BY LORD DUNDREARY.-Whyi is the
six-horse roller at work in Hyde Park like an
Ancient Briton? Because it's "weawing the
woad."
GIVE HIM HIS DUB.-It is altogether too alb
surd to say that 'Man is not perfect''-who is
there who has not met with perfect strangers,
some who were perfect rasOals, and not few
who were perfect fools
THE COMMENTED TRAMP.
Don't tell me of grand dinners, which
Make folks with envy fret;
While here lie beside the ditch
Pm getting my bank-wet.
Dent talk to me of splendid wine
That set folks longing So
Here on this deal-plank couch OF mine
I'm getting my Board-ohl
Don't name cigars of rarest brand,
That BritOns seldom see
For every hedgside in the land
Finds lots of weeds for me.
live so well Where'er 60
In Unions any day
Prince Metternich himself you know,
Might envy my TOke-eh1
FROM THE EGYPTIAN HALL.-I'M CHARMED II
see you, as the performing snake said to tn
spectator. The compliment was not returned
Chips from the "TOm Nhawk."
Our of respect for public opinion Gas inter
preted on Clerkenwell green and in the Morn
ing Starr, Madame Tussaud has changed tn
name of "The Temple of Fame, ;" in which al
distinguished murderers looked for a niche
from the "Chamber of Horrors" to tn
''Chamber of Martyrs"
How TO GRILL BoNEs.-The Danae, siste
ship to the Amazon ironclad ram, is unde
orders for the West Coast Of Africa. Th