Delaware State journal and statesman. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1855-1870, 1867-04-30
WIT ARD HuMoR.

Horseman, spare that tree!
'Tis not hitohing post;
Though in its infancy,
Yet soon \ will shade a host;
Then spare, OBJ, spare that tree,
For he who placed 1t there
Meant not that II should be
By beast Of thine gnawsd bare
NErrLxs FROM DEAN swIET.--IR man will
observe as be walks the streets, believe he
will find the merriest faces in mourning coaches.
The reason why SO few marriages are happy,
ia bseauss young ladies spend their time in
making nets, not in making cages.
We have just enough religion to make US
hate, but not enough to make US love one
another.
A gentleman lately eomplimsnted lady on
her improved appearance. "YOu arc guilty Of
fattery," said the young lady. "Not so," re-
piled he, "for vow you are plump as partridge"
Eat hrst, =" said the lady, 81 thought you guilty
Of q artery only, but you are now actually mskips
game Of me-"
An Irishman was directed by lady Of large
size to secure and pay for two seats in a stage,
as she wanted comfortable room in riding, the
fellow returned and said, ''Iys paid for two
seats you tould mo to but ss could not set
but one seat for the inside, took the other fol
the outside"
II your sister. while engaged with swest'
heart, asks you to bring glass Of water from
an adjoining room, start on the erraud, but yor
need not return, you will not be missed. Don
forget this, little boys and girls.
A man advertised lately to forward on receipt
Of postage stamps, "sOund practical advice, ths
would be applicable at any time, and to Sll psr
sons and conditions Of life." On the receipt 0
the atsmps be sent bis victim The following
"Nevsr give boy penny to watch your shAd0'
while you climb tree to look into the middle Q
, next week"
o In the depot is q placard announcing IN
y Smoking posted over an oil lamp. Two Irish
men appear one smoking. "PAL" says h'
''ye're transgressin' the rhules Of the establish
ment, ye are" "How's that |" says the smoker
n "Don't you see there-nO smokiugf" "Yis
but can't ye see, ys spslpsen, the remark is ~
dressed to the lsmpf"
nsally Msndsr safe 7" said Mrs. Partiugtt
as her eyes fell on en- advertisement. "Do Il
= me, IsBac, who this Sally Mander 10, and VII
she's been doing that they've got her ssfe I"
don't know what she's been doing" said TX
"but guess she isIa sister TO jerry" ''Jer
who, Iasacf" "Wby Jerry Msnder," asld TX
n az he resumed his work by the window, cRtchii
- Aies and impaling them.
70 ELAsr1c LIPs.-The Home Journal says th
he "people generally do not know that some lad
N. wear false lips, made Of pink india-Eubb
or which are attached to thin lips In mann
in which deiies detection, and which gives pre-
nv pOuting appearance to the mouth. There Ii
ss: way to test lips which may appear doubtful
os. many ladies might object to the operation, uni
Il ii were performed by very near relatives"
bachelor remarked to lady that soAPst'
was excellent 10 keep the feet warm In b
ayes" said the young lady, who had been
NJ attentive listener, shut some gentlemen have
10. Improvement on that which you know moth
about" The bstchelor turned pale and mi
tanned wastful silence.
- As an illustration OF the extent to which ne
paper use tends to corrupt language, pArtiou
" in advertisements, q life insurance comp
Of New York heads an announcement Of
I claims thus; "Best lives taken at lowest rat
I wby do lovers shed tears when they pal
I the twilight Because they can't separate v
out adieu (a dsw.) b.
"a Why is the sisve-clOIh of hOur'mill III
IAoT balky race-horsei Because it bolts the col
lsnre DAiA'
l. Why was Herod's wife like Fepisn orga
tiOuf Because she had head sent her 4
.ers Centre)
gpitaph on PFinter-Dead matter
A man Of pleasure is 9 man Of pains