The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-03-27
THE CAUDLE CUKTAIN LECTURES

THE OAUDLE CURTAIN LECTURES.
Candle, whilst Walking with his Wife,
has been Bowed to by n Younger
and even PrettIer Woman than Mrs.
Candle.
If I'm not to leave the house with
out being insulted, Mr.. Caudle, had
better stay indoors all my life.
what don't tell me to let you have
one nights rest! wonder at your i'm
pudence! It's mighty fine, never can
go out with you-Rnd goodness knows,
it's seldom enough without having
my feelings torn to pieces by people OF
all sorts. A set of bold minxes =
know very well-very well, indeed, Mr..
Caudle. A pretty person she must be,
to nod TO a man walking with his own
wife! Don't tell me it was Miss Pretty
man-what's Miss PrettymRn to me :?
Oh! You've met her once or tlDice at her
brothers house Yes, dare say YOU
haTe-no doubt of it. L always thought
there was something very tempting
ABOUT that mouse, and now l know it
all. Now, it's no use, Mr.. Caudle, your
beginning to talk loud, and twist and
toss your arms about as if you were as
innocent as new born babe-Pm not
to be deceived by such tricks now. No;
there was time when was fool,
and believed anything; butt thank
my stars live got over that.
"A bold mink You suppose 1
didn't see her laugh, too, when she nod
ded to you! Oh. yes, 1 knew what she
thought me; poor, miserable creature,
OF course. l could see that. No-don't
say SO, Caudle. 1 don't always see
more than anybody else-but 1 can't
ana won t be blind, however, agreeable
it might be to you; must have the
use of my senses. I'm sure If u woman
wants attention and respect from a
man, she'd better be anything than
his wife. l always thought so; and
to-day's decided it,
mo, I'm not ashamed of myself to
talk so-certainly not. 4 good, dDliG-
Bile, young creature, indeed! Yes; dare
say; very amiable, no doubt. OF
course, you think so. You suppose /
didn't see what sort of a bonnet she had
on? Oh, very good creature! And
you think didn't see the smudges of
court-plaster about her face? You
didn't see ems Very likely; but did.
Very amiable. to be sure! What do
you say? L made her blush at my
u-HluEnerS 1 should like to have
seen her blush! 'Twould have
been rather difficult, Mr.. Caudle,
for blush to come through ali
that paint. No-rm not a icensorious
1AAs SauNAGY tue IeNeISe-
No; and you may threaten TO get up if
you like. l will speak. L know what
color is, and say it IVdS paint. L be-
ieve, Mr.. Caudle, I once had COM
plexion; though, of course, you've
quite forgotten that. L think L once
had color, before your conduct de-
stroyed it. Before l knew you, people
used to call me the Lily and the Rose;
but-what are you laughing at? 1 see
nothing to laugh at. But, as say, any,
body before your own wife.
And can't walk out with you but
you're bowed to by every woman you
meet! What do I mean By eUe7y tconla1,
t0he't it'S only Mss PrettyHans That's
nothing at all to do with it. How do
know who bows to you when l am
not by? Everybody, of course. And
If they don't look at you, why you
look at them. Oh! I'm sure you do.
You do it when Pm away. Now don't
tell me, Caudle-don't deny it. The
fact is, it's become such n dreadful
habit with you, that you don't know
when you do it, and when you don't.
But L do.
"NIiss Prettyman, indeed! What do
you say? You lDon't lie still and hear
me Sca1daLtEe that excellent yoltn9 l1o-
man! Oh, of course, you'll take her
part! Though to be sure, she may not
be so much to blame after all. For
how is she to know you're married?
You're never seen out of doors with
your own Whenever. Wherever you
go, you go alone. OF course people
think you're bachelor. What do
That's nothing todo with it'll only ask
what must people think, when Pm
never seen with you? Other women go
out with their husbands; but as I've
often said, Pm not like any other wo-
man! What are you sneering at Mr..
GunHlap -, Is.,r
Don't tell me; know well enough by
the movement OF the pillow.
NO; you never take me out-and you
know 1t. No. and it's not my own fault.
How can you lie there and say that
Oh, all poor excused That's what
you always say. You're tired of ask
ing me, indeed, because L always start
some objection? OF course can't 60
out figure. And when you ask me to
go, you know very well that my bonnet
isn't as 1t should be-or that my gown
hasn't come home-Or that can't leave
the children-or that something keeps
me indoors You know all this, well
enough, before you ask me. And that's
your art. And when do go out with
you I'm sure to suffer for it. Yes; you
needn't repeat my words. Suffer for IL.
But you suppose L have no feelings;
oh, no, nobody has feelings but your
self. Yes; I'd forgot Miss PrettymAn,
of course.
"And as I've said, dare say pretty
dupe people think me. To be sure;
poor forlOrn creature L must look in
everybody's eyes. But / knew you
couldn't be at Mr.. Prettyman's house
night after night till eleven o'clock-a
great deal you thought of me sitting up
for you'll knew you couldn't be there
without some cause. And now I've
found it outl Oh, don't mind your
swearing, Mr.. CaudIe! It's I, if wasn't
a woman, who ought to swear. But
it's like you men. Lords of creation,
as you call yourselves! Lords, indeed!
And pretty slaves you make of the poor
creatures who're tied to you. But I'll
be separated, Candle; 1 will; and then
I'll take care and let all the world know
how you've used me. What do you
say? may say my tOOTStS Hal don't
you tempt any woman in that way
don't, Caudle; for 1 wouldn't answer
for what / said.
Miss Prettyman, indeed, and-oh,
yes now see! Now the whole light
breaks in upon me! Now know why
you wished me to ask her with Mr.. and
Mrs. Prettyman to tea! And 1, like a
poor blind, fool was nearly doing it.
But now, as say, my eyes are open !
And you'd have brought her under my
own roof-now it's no use your bounc-
ing about in that fashion-you'd have
brought her into the very house " here
"Here," says Caudle, "I could endure
it no longer So jumped out of bed,
and went and slept somehow with the
children"