Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1867-05-24
Josh Billings on CourtShip.

Courtin Is Il luxury, it is ice water, it IL
the pla spell Of the sole. The, man who has
never courted has lived in vain. He has
been blndman among landscapes, he has
been def man in the land of band organs,
and by the side of murmtlrin canals. Courtini
is like two little springs of water that starts
out from under rock at the foot OF the
mountain, and runs down hill, side by side,
singing, dancin, spatterin each other, edyin,
and frothin, and kaskadip, now hiddin under
the bank, now full of shadder, byemby they.
jine, and then go. slow. am in favor Of
long courtin, it gives the party chance to
find each others trump card It's good ex-
ercise, and just as innocent as 5; nlerino
lambs. .4-.s .-.....r
| Courtin is like strawberries and cream;
wants to be did slow, and then you have got
the flavor I have seen folks get acquainted,
fall in love, get married, settle down, and
get to work in three weeks from date. ....,
This is the way that some folks learn a
trade, and akounts for the great number of
affinity mean mechanics and poor jobs they
turn out. b9t
Perhaps it is best should state some good
advice to yong men who are about to court
with view to matrimony, as twas.
In the first place, young men, you want
to get yure system awl right, then find a
young woman who is willing to be courted
on the square. ega :sil e. -ta..
The next thing is to find out how old she
is, which you can do by asking her, and she
will say she is nineteen years old, and this
you will find will not be far out Of the wa.
The next-thing is to begin moderate, go
once every mite in the week for the fust six
months, increasing the dose as the pashent
seems to require.
It is a fust rate way to court the girls
mother little on the start, for there Is /
thing woman never dispise, and that is q
good courtin if it is done on the square. N
After the first year you will begin to like
the buziness. ''i7A
There is one thing always advise, that
is not to swap photographs ofteneri than
wunst every Ii daze, unless you forget how
the gall looks. bs,r Fr es t.,
Occasionally you want to look sorry and
draw in your wind as tho you had a pain;
this will set the gall tn teezin you to find
out what ails you. ~. Iih IL
Eyenin meetins are good thing to tend.
1t will keep yure religion in tune, and if
vure gall happens to be there bi accident,
she can ask you to 90 home with her.
+ Az general thing, Iiwouldn't Drag on
other gals much when was courtin. 1t
might look as though you knu tew much, T..
If you court three weeks in this wa, all
the time on the square, if you don't say it is
the sleekest time of yure life, you cen go to
the cheap store and get measured for a plug
hat at my expenses and pay for it, bod
To BE SAVED FOR REFERENCE.--We pre-
sent below table carefully compiled by an
accomplished statistician, who has revised
and revised it until there can be no possible
doubt Of its perfect correctness. 1t points a
moral, and is worthy the deliberate consider
ationof all who come under head 10. Draw
your own inference from it, young mem
Calculate as much as you please, but you
cannot falsify it any particular, unless, take
as exceptions, which by the way only proves
the rule, members of Congress. Here it is
10 Loafers make one greg shop. 3 o..
/ Grog shop makes SO drunkards. ..r
so Drunkards ruin SO families.
SO Families fill one poor house and jail.
1 Poor house and jail makes great bill
of costs ~ afsmeb
1 Great bill of costs makss poor town,
1 Poor town drains the county treasury.
l Bankrupt treasury is great State tax.
| Great State tax exhausts the national
fund A'.t asH CISCO l'.-
2 Looks make wish. J 7o4r
} Wishes make | call. q. .4E,;-,.
2 Calls make invitation
Invitations make l dram.
DRAINS make 1 nonscruple. sal'''
7 5 Nonscruples make spree. eng
5 2 Sprees make / high. ..l.'i 5aigr
2 Highs make booze. .,-
: 2 Boozes make how come-you-so.
l 2 How -come-you- SOS make drunk.
8 DRINKS make l fit of delirium tremens.
7 3 Fits Of delirium trenens make enc,
e Death. aes-rf
HIGH HEELED Doors WITH WATCHES IN
: THEM-In the days when high heeled
French boots were the pride of fashion, there
was shoemaker in London, who made a
fortune by the sale of the best Paris boots at
price which all his fellow tradesmen de-
: clared ruinous. He understood the trade,
and obtained troops of customers. s|These
DOOtS must De stolen, SalQ MS rivals, Out
, there was no evidence that they were; GER
: tainly they were not Struggled boots-for
any one could satisfy himself that the full
: duty was paid upon them at the Custom
House The, shoemaker retired from. bust
ness with a fortune. Afterward his secret
was accidentally discovered although he
had paid for the bocts he had not paid for
everything that was in them, There was a.
heavy duty payable on foreign watches land
every boot consigned to him from Paris had
= contained in its high heel a cavity exactly
large enough to hold a watch. The great
profit obtained by the trade in Struggled
watches made it possible for this tradesman,
when he had filled up their heels, to sell his
. boots under prime cost. This was worth
Y while again, because, of course, by the ex-
;. tension of his boot trade, he increased his
4 power Of importing watches duty free.
a MANASSAS CEMETERY FOR CoNFEDnRATE
t DEAD The ladies residing near Bull Run