The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1867-05-01

you should meet US. l heard rag PICKER
once ren- ark of me that was bully" what
ever that may mean; my talented husband,
Penleather looks like long haired ism.
A thought strikes me Penfeather will be
sure to read this in The Galaxy. | know just
what he will say. Aha Two can play at
that game. I will write Pamela up. She IS
splendid subject. Ten women rolled into
one, with all their kinks, oddities and absurd
tiles.
Now; suppose l quietly knock that little
scheme of his in the head, and write myself
up. Listen. .
Jove what it is to have literary wife. I
thought when I married one it would be so
charming to have companion who could un=
derstand literary labor and its necessities.
Never was poor devil SO mistaken. She in
terrupts me in my writing, on as trivial pre-
fences as ifshe herself Were not the authoress
OF half a dozen books. A funny story she had
heard from some woman, and wants 10 tell me.
A greenback she has torn and wishes me 10
tinker together. A shapely pair of boots she
wishes me to admire. A cork Of a bottle
which she has broken in her idiotic plunges to
extract An editorial in the morning paper
she wants to read me, which she says wont
hold water. Is not this extraordinary con-
duct in writer who must know the value and
necessity of peace and quietness ..-
This is not all. When my wife, Pamela, has
done writing, her head is on fire, her cheeks
burn, and she is wild for the fresh air and a
long walk to cool herself down. Now, when
| have done writing | want TO lie off and
smoke. The idea of exercising is perfectly
disgusting. The more l write, the more |
want to sit still and smoke in fact, 1 often
smoke while l am wiring. Now, Pamela is
persuaded, and tries to persuade me, that ev-.
cry puff of smoke, under such circumstances,
is a nail in my coffin. / can't see it. She
says that instead of quoting me, as | affirm,
it only makes me irritable and intense, and
that Walker and Webster will soon be unable
to furnish me words to express my feelings on
any subject. You. who are no doubt smo-
ker, can see the feminine fimsiness of such ar
yuments. Besides, if Il man wants to smoke
till he looks like an old parchment, why not?
Let her be satisfied with looking we'll herself.
Again, thought it would be so delightful
to have wife who had an opinion of Der own
on every subject, who read and thought for
herself, and was not a mere echo. By Jove
I've changed mind on that point point, tee. Pc
mela is the most insatiate gobbler of newspa-
pers. She wants TO know the political pros
and cons Of everything. She digs into sms
and ologies in the most heller SHELTER fashion,
She rushes round into primary schools, and
Magdalen asyums, and houses of correction,
and pokes into tenement houses, and station
houses, and prisons, and wants me to right ev-
cry existing abuse before tea. As she is very
excitable, this goes to her head, too and
then | have to devise some means of quoting
her, and new means, by Jove, each time,
for she hates duplicates.
You must begin TO have faint gimmerng
what wearing life lead, and that my spare
habit is not owing to smoking, as she afirms
Again: marrying a literary woman, hoped
to attain the dream Of my bachelor days
perfect immunity from broom, dust-pan and
scrubbing brush in my "den,' as she is
pleased to call it. Vain deluson Pamela
is rabidly neat. She herself wipes the finger
marks from off the paint on my door. With
an emphatic ugh She flourishes her feather
buster over my tobacco besprinkled desk,
my most vital memoranda, penciIed
on bits Of paper, to the four winds as she
= arranges my desk. Then she empGes
my coat-pockets of valuable papers, hunting
for ucfer matches, with which, with woman's
usual correctness of statement, she affirms they
are always crammed, because she once found
one there. Then she swoops off any new
book in my room which | have brought home
for reference on some important point, and at
the agonizing moment need it. she is in some
out-ofth e-way corner, down stairs, seeing
what is in it," Newspapers and magazines
share the same fate, till I solemnly wish that
woman didn't know her alphabet. The more
/ woman knows, the more she wants to know,
md the more uneasy she is. Put that in your
tote book
Then-what sacredress is there about a
mans literary wife Do people address her
IS Mrs Penfcather? Not at all. It's, there
5oes Pamela, and how dye do Pam-la ? and
ave you read Pamela's book or article ? Ev
,ry whipper- snapper writes letters to her; and
Who knows what she answers? She has re-
quests for her autograph, and herpicture. and
/ lock of her hair, ill she gets SO confoundedly
inflated that no matrimonial cord will hold her
Town, She has piles of correspondence, both
before and since her marriage. Yes, sir,
ince Only the other day, | showed a fell |
ow who called 10 see her the door, and he
lad the impudence 10 say, as he was going
Town the front steps backward, To-day, sir,
S yours; the future is mine = Pamela only
aughed till her buttons flew. and said it was
good joke. All ! sometimes see woman !
love-eyed and milk and watery of speech
atsfed with dough and darning, who never
eads book or newspaper, who would like me
better the snarlier | was, and sigh
For what purpose that intense creature, Mrs.
oenfeather was created, shall never know. |
She wants mans freedom, and independence |
If expression. and action, and yet bigger |
,aby never warmed its pug nose against a
Mothers bosom. 1t is most extraordinary.
Alas she is so stormy, and | SO adore repose.
Al the idea-of Pamela and repose, laugh
Historically! Thoughts of colleague have
occasionally entered my mind in insane mo-
nents A colleague! l should need a dozen, |
With relief-guard at that. One to talk to her. |
One to walk with her. One-no, six-but
what is the use Of dwelling on impossibilies ?
Here she comes, with a bright, red spot on
.ach cheek. That tells the story. That's
he effect of the divine afflstus." She has
lone writing. Her head is on fire. | must
walk out with her TO cool it. With one last. |
onging look at my pipe. and my sofa, | go!