The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-07-11
- N"ILUE - ~ u. Hfa-I-V II
Mark Twain, on Accidents.

Coming down from Sacramento on
the Capital,cthe other night, 1 found,
on a center table, aopamphlet adver-
tisements of an Accident Insurance
Company ut interested ME a good
deal. with its General Accidents, and
its Hazardous Tables, and Extra
Hazardous furniture of the same
description, andnI wouldilikeito know
something more about 1t. si.1t is anew
thing to me. [ want to invest, if /
come to like it. Iwantto-ask merely
afew questions of the man who ear
RES on this accident shop, flyou
think you can spare, so much space to
asafar distant stranger. | am an or
plan. go "a n2W ps5'. nm
He publishes the list as accidents
he is willing to insure the people
against; a. u aaf4 III .1sifaoft IA
= < GENERAL ACCIDENTS !,
Include the Travelling Risk, and also
all forms of D~islocation, Broken.
Bones, Ruptured Tendons, Sprains,i
Conclusions, Bruises. Cuts. Slabs,
Gunshot Wounds, Poisoned Wounds,
Bruises and Scalds, Freezing, Bites of
Dogs, Unprovoked Assaults by Bur-
glars, Robbers or Murderers, the ac-
ton of Lightning or Sunstroke, the
effects Of Explosions, Chemicals,
Floods and Earthquakes, Suffocation
by Drowning or Choking-where such
accidental injury totally disables the
person insured from following his
usual avocation, or causes death with
in three months from the time of the
happening of the injury"
want to aHdraSS this parfy &c fol-
lows
Now. Smith, suppose likely your
name is Smith-you don't know me,
and [ don't know you, but l am will
ing to. be friendly. [ am acquainted
with a good many of your famiiy-I
know John as we'll as any man-and /
think we can come to an understand
ing about your little game, without
any hard feeling. For instance:
Do you allow the same money on a
dog-bite that you do on an earth
quake?
Do you take special risks for spe-
cifc accidents?-that is TO say, could
L, by getting a policy for >dog-bites
alone, get it cheaper than if | took a
chance in your whole lottery2 And
if SO, and s%upposing l got insured
against earthquakes, would you
charge any more for San Francisco
earthquakes than for those that pre-
vail In places that are better anchored
down? ,~ 81
Aud if L had a policy for earth
quakes alone. I couldn't collect on a
dog-bite, may be, could I? I
IF a man had such a policy, and an
earthquake s~hook-him~up and loosen
ed his joints a good deal, but not
enough to i~ncapacitate him from en-
gazing in pursuits which did not re-
auire, him to be tight, wouldn't you
pay him some of his pension?
I notice you do not mention Biles.
How about biles? i
Why do you disc riminate between
provoked and unprovoked assaults by
burglars? IF a burglar entered my
house at dead of night, and I. in the
excitement natural to such an occa-
sion, should forgot myself and, say
something that provoked him, and he
should cripple me. wouldn't | get
But if I provoked him by pure ac-
cident, / would have you there, |
judge?-because you would have to
pay for the accident. part of it, any
how, seeing that insuring against &C
cidents is just your strong suit, you
know, +f3
Now, hat item about protecting a
man against freezing is good. 1t will
procure you all the custom you want
in this country. Because, you under
stand, the people hereabouts have
suffered a good deal from just such
climatic drawbacks as that. Why,
three years ago, if a man-beiug a
| small FISH in the matter Of money
went over to Washoe and bought into
a good silver mine, they would let
that man have a chance o-goton and
pay assessments till his purse got
down toyabout 80 Fahrenheit. and
then the big fish would close in on
him and freeze him out. And from
that day forth You might consider
that man in the light of a bankrupt
icomnunity: And you would have
him down to a spot, too. But if you
are ready to insure against that sort
Of thing, and can stand it, you can
4E tF-& - ~ - Eh