American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1867-10-23
w1T AND MrspoM.

s.ll WIT AND WISDOM,
g -A'Swells of the Ocean . Midship-
meh. 81 h3h s.i,'a - hsA"lA sf,' -
-if-TTailor's Revenges-Giving "a custo>-
ners fits car lsisnsu edT .ytlsq uss
.l'g--Theclap of luxury-A cat enjoying
her milk naa 10 % bss1al9d gsysu bna
d "a ohe-legged miller is as once d
miller and hopper. os'A'a ~ gi1sg
.oo 1t is not 50 much trouble to get rich
as it is to tell when we are rich. ~ 70
"A man who, bumps his bead against
that Of his neighbor isn't apt to think
that two heads are better than one.
What is the difference between a
hungry man and glutton : One longs
to eat and the other eats too long. ,s sev
Z Tears at a wedding arolonly the COM
mencement of the pickle that the young
folks are getting into. bigou indi siigssi
--"WelI; wife, you can't say / ever
contracted bad habits" "No, sir = you
generally expandedqthem"sr "sreiz1a ifdj
what is the difference between d
spider and a duck? One has its feet
perpetually on d web, and the othet a web
perpetually on its feet. '''s'..oI = 's.'I @ ~.
DR. Hall says that for period Of
month before marriage, and month af
ter death, men regard their wives as
angels, n s,as i, osq,,,s lsF., LII o,o.t
Z In some of Josh Billings late pa
psrs he says: "The sun was going to
bed, and the hevins far and near, were a.
blushing at the performance" sw l5i'sl
sa 1T is good thing to have utility and
beauty combined, as the poor washerwo-
man said when she used her thirteen
children for cloths-pins. .l 5isuyeis
sci ~ Woman's tears are generally more
effective than her words In such cases
wind is less powerful element than
water. sii 11 54fe1atil sfi noag -
bdPatrick, how long has it been since
you left Ireland ?" eighteen months,
my Lord but I've been there twice
siee." tH 81 siaif< saisj &. lo
-Foote expressed the belief that
certain miser would take the beam out of
his own eye, If he knew where he could
sell the timber ao-il
--Imitate the example Of the ,locomo-
tive. He runs along, whistles over his
work, and yet never takes anything, but
water when he wants to twet his whistle
Il, --"I have the best wife in the world"
said long suffering husband; ,"shs al
ways strikes me with the soft end Of the
broom" egis4f.f { .ed sf8 n, ,yo8
Il .--'tAmI not a little pale? inquired
a lady who was fhort and corpulent, Of a
crusty old bachelor. "You look moro
like big tub 2" was the blunt reply.ii
q "A sharp-talking lady was reproved
by her husband, who requested her to
Keep her tongue in her mouth. ""My
dear, responded the wife, SIT is against
the law to carry concealed weapons."s =
-Picnics are yariegated fooleries.-
They are sultry stupidities. They are
elaborate funeral professions marching
with melancholy steps between two rows
Of pies, ice, cream and cakes.
--On tombstone in ehurc,hy ard in
Ulster is the following epitaph "Erecs
ted to the memory of John Phillips, ac-
cidentally shot as mark Of affection by
his brother, uettd, eflsF Eas tase,
q ---It won't do to be so devoted To- q
tender hearted wife as to comply with her
request when she asks you--"Now tum-
Bile over the cradle and break your neck,
my dear, won't you?"iom I53me;9qbs
Z. "A gentleman met another in the
street who was i'll of consumption, and
accosted him thus. "Ah2 my friend,
you walk slowly" eyes, I" replied the
man, i''but 1 am going fast" iT3g95
Z What is the difference between a
rifeman who shoots wide of The target,
and husband who blackens his wife's
eyes? The one misses his mark aad the
other marks his missis. 9t fs8maoa %
--Quilp thinks II rather remarkable
that while several thousand feet are re-
quired to make one rood, a single foot
properly applied, is often sufficient to
make one civil ''s-'l u = 0,s
= .--aIlI..teach you to play pitch and
toss III fog you for an hour, 1 Will"
Father instantly replied the incorrigi-
BILE, as be balanced penny on his thumb
and, finger, 'I'll toss with you to make it
two Eours or nothing" M -,
-"I wonder where the clouds are go
ing y sighed Flora, pensively, as she
pointed with her delicate finger to the
heavy masses that Aoated in the sky
II think they are going to- thunder"
said her brother. i'u sH3 la ~,
3 The great objection to smart chill
dren is, that when they commences hav-
ing whiskers they leave off having brains
BY forcing children, you get SO much
into their heads that they become crack