Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-03-19
The OLiO.

A lawyer is strongest Wnen ne Is Iee-plest.
Hoops surround what ruin men-wine and wo-
men.
Winter weather and womens thoughts often
change
II love thee stiU,' said the quiet husband to
his chattering wife.
A young girl once blew her lover out OF doors,
and then kissed the candle
The height of patience is a deaf man waiting to
hear the ticking of sun dial.
Hanging, in Montana, is styled climbing the
pine limb" and in Nevada ''early rising"
Hog or dog that the question" as Robin
son said when he sat down to plate of fried sau-
sages.
A contemporary heads an article on filters,
Shocking Disclosures" He probably meant
Stocking Disclosers."
The mayor of Western town proposes to kill
half of the dogs in the place, and tan their hides
with the bark of the other halt.
BOYS said a facetious farmer to his sons, I'VE
had pretty hard days work yesterday, now let's
have game Of chopping wood"
Son. on a bust left the fathers house and stay
ed some days; but he returned, and sire to dame
thus spoke: ''Wife kill the prodigal, the calf's
returned!'
Dressed turkeys stuffed with cotton were sold
in Petersburg says an exchange. Cotton stuttng
in this country DEVELOPS the bosom of the fair as
we'll as the fowl
Hans, who is Judge of morals as well as mon
ey, says that being bender to anoder mans wife
is not legal bender no more as bickled beets is
saurkraut, Ply tam!"
When Mrs Partington read in the newspaper
that Jenny Lind had a fellow-feeling in her bo-
son. she exclaimed: 'Lor, me! that's what /
had when l was gall
A Frenchman went out to shoot ducks. Tell
ing about his luck he says: I hunt all day. re
f,uo ,>ir md T Il ba1f 20, dot
A shoemaker in Richmond finished pair of
shoes seventeen and half inches long, and five
and half inches wide, for negro man. He will
have to use the forks of road for boot-jack.
John Phoenix went to the theatre when Mrs.
Smith was advertised to appear ''in two pieces. -
After the performance, he demanded the return
of his money, for Mrs. Smith had appeared whole
in both performances
A correspondent of New York paper says
that a fashionable dress for a lady of Colombo
consists of a hair pin and pair of carriers. This
equals the costume of a Georgia gentleman-a
shirt collar and a pair of spurs.
As an Engishman and an Irishman were pass
ing by gallows, the former asked:
Pat if that gallows had its dues, pray where
would you be?'
''Och, faith and d be riding to town all alone, :"
was the quick reply.
A gentleman in the spring time of life when
walking with lady, stumbled and fell. On his
resuming his perpendicular, the lady remarked
''she sorry for his unfortunate faux pas p
Il didn't hurt my fore paws" said he Il only
barked my knee"
A drunken fellow had wandered into Sunday
school and took a seat among primer scholars,
when the teacher accosted him with 'Why Rob
ert. do you know what condition you are in pr
Yes, ma am; in the gall of bit ness N bonds Il
'niquity. Ask me some harder Quesh'ns."
A gentleman was one day, travelling in coach
which moved at a very slow pace.
Pray said he to the guide what is the name
of this coach?'
The Regulator" was the reply.
And very appropriate name tOo," said the
traveller, for see all other coaches go by it."
Anlrishman entered barber shop while drink
ing, ate with brush cup of lather, dug out the
bail Of soap at the bottom of the cup, ate that
and sat down to warm his feet
How did you like your lunch ~ asked a bv-
stander.
''The custard was Elegant, but by nv soul
b lave the egg was little too long in the wa
therr'
Sharp; promising little boy just learning to
talk WE'LL
Father, are you going to see the race to-day
Father, Frightening up-"What race, my son,
will there beP'
THE human race"
Husband to wife-"Mary Ann, that boy will
be an editors pet"
Wlfe-"God Forbid
1t takes Yankee to get himself olt of a scrane
with flying colors, as the following will show:
''Shant see you hum from singing school to-
night, Miss Jerushy?'
No you shant do no SIGH thing; Gaze don't
want you nor your company, Billy"
perhaps you didn't exactly understand me. u
continued Billy, dryly.
Yes, did; you asked me if you mightn't go
with me to hum"
why no, L didn't; L only asked you how