The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-05-06

DrOught-up young man, who disdains the idea
/ Of saying the thing that is not. He sends a
packet containing fifteen ''poems" in manu-
script, all of which, he virtuously avows, have
already appeared in the columns of the
dranlte Playmate" or a paper exulting in
some such name. He has rewritten them, he
| says, and thinks they would make great hit
| II published with illustrative wood-cuts by
the artist who does the grotesque head
pieces with such charming fancy" Then
there is the lady correspondent from the
fashionable watering places, who begins her
letter coaxingly with 'Dear Sir:-You who
are supposed to know everything" etc. etc.
and encloses diagram for an elaborate carl
cature of Irritation going ON between the
married Major A. and the Misses R
and C, who are scandalizing the chaste
bathers on the beach with their Stpoinps-on y
To secure attention, her ladyshi9 also
sends cdrte-de-UiSite hkenesses of the oh
noxious parties, with a request that the
artist will be very true to them A common
and very terrible type of the aspiring CON
tributor is the one who forwards by eXpress
great roll of manuscript written upon law
paper, which, on being opened, conveys the
impression OF tive-act tragedy. but nroves
to be nothing worse than a serial tale of
village life, couched in the kind of disrupted
English usually attributed to Pennsylvania
Dutchmen. Collateral to this person is the
lady who sends in a batch of anecdotes about
the negroes on her husbands plantation, all
the funny bits of which have circulated for n
quarter OF a century among the artists in
burnt cork" But it would occupv more
space than may appropriate for this article
to dilate upon the variety of distant cores
pondents who seem to fancy that the fate
of the comic paper addressed is absolutely de-
pendent upon the acceptance of their contri-
buttons.
More difficult to deal with than these are the
aspirants who call in person to see the editor.
and bring their fireworks with them. Enter
to that arbiter, for instance, an lawful swell"
who has written a satire in seven cantos, and
wants to read it now, at a sitting. He does
not require compensation for his work, which
he originally intended to publish in pamphlet
form, but would rather see it ''set in the coro-
net of your brilliant and admirable paper"
The editor politely shirks the reading but begs
that the manuscript may be left for his peru
sal. On dipping into it in the still watches of the
ensuing night, and discovering its utter worth
lessness, he returns it next morning, by mail,
to the writer-"with thanks" In week or
so, enter once more the slashing satirist, irate,
yet triumphant for he has called to crush the
editor by informing him how the rejected
manuscript had since been received with
roars of laughter and applause at ''the
club" before which august corporation it
had been duly read and acted by the author
OF lLS bSluS. ne CIuSu6u 6ulIOI SuD-
sides, of course; but, before he has half
recovered his usual serenity of mind,
sail appears upon the threshold, a splendid
three-decker in silk and gHpure followed in
her futed wake by bark of lighter tonnage
"a tender, in fact, if, to sustain the nautical
metaphor, | may so term her. The stately
craft introduces herself with little speech,
thickly studded with handsome compliments
to the paper, "a subscriber to which, " she
says "she has been from the frst-would
not be without it for the world, and good
deal more Establishment of the same electro
typed stamp. Now she presents the younger
lady, who is her niece, and has developed
speciality for inventing funny things, ex-
amples of which she has brought with her
in an enamelled portfolio. The fair young
humorist is really pretty. Sweet as nitro
glycerine is she but fraught with danger, like
that agent, and ready to make havoc of the
stony editorial heart. Has she designs? ?'
inquiries the editor with a desperate attempt
to be witty in the face of danger. She has
brought few with her-fancies of the comic
Valentine sort, consisting of groups of flowers
very nicely painted on Bristol board, with the
petals converted by dots and dashes into gro
tesque human faces. But the point OF each
Joke is dependent upon the color of the par
ticular flower, the lines under one of vivid
ultramarine hue, for instance, running
thus ...
"'Why lookest thou so blue, to-day?'
90. l slept, last night, i the dew,