The Van Buren press., 1867-05-24


TIE MOHAWK DUTCm The following
story is good because it is true. We had
1t from the lips of good woman, who was
told it by the principal actor herself
"Ven first come to Fiadclphy to serve,
i was very uncivilizel," said katrne, now
tidy, intelligent servant in very respect.
able family, Il laugh mooch, and / ieol
mooch ashamed to remember how behave
ven l know so little. Shon, that was my
beau then-Shon, he took me to the theatre
zone night. ven been in Filadelfy but three
weeks. We sets in the gallery, and we
mot see good, and Shon said he would get
a better seat. SO he put his leg round de
post, and slides down wit the pit, and he
looks up and calls out, "Katrine, Katrine,
come down! tish a good view here !" and
/ leaned over, and said -" How can |
COON, Sbon?' And he said "Just slide
down" SO put my legs round de pillar,
and | slides down, too. Donler how De
peoples laugh Dey laugh so dey play
no more dat night upon the stage. Every
body laugh. and yell, and whistle al! over
the house! was mooch ashamed, den,
though | know not any harm ! But now |
plushes red every time | dnks of it,
a postmaster puzzling out very
uncertain supcrscription to an Irish letter,
Jocosely remarked to an intelligent son os
Erin who stood by, that the Irish brought
a hard set of names to this country -
That's fact, yer honor" replied the
lrishman; 4" but they get harder ones after
they arrive here"
-"My gool fellow" said one man
toanother, slapping him on the shoulder,
"you are one of the men we read Of
l." How so?' inquired the other, "whcre
did you read Of me p
In the police report"
-Simpkins says his wife don't liter
ally wear the breeches, but she does figura-
lively. The six dollars poor S. laid aside
to pay for new pair Of pants. Mrs. S. in.
vested i'll a duck OF q bonnet"
PHILOSOPHERS say that shutting the
eyes makes the sense of hearing more acute.
A wag suggests that this accounts for the
many closed eyes that are seen at church
every Sunday.
Two Dutchmcn once got INTO dis.
quite about the English language, each one
contending that he could command the
best. They made a bet at length, and APP
pointed Judge to decide between them,
and accordingly they began "Vell,
Chon, said the first, did it rain ;o.mor-
row?' 81 shall tink it vash." said John.
Wasn't the judge in a quandary?
a wag says he prevented case OF
hydrophobia, by getting on fourteen rail
fence and staying there until the dog left
What is the difference between q
mischievous mouse and a beautiful young
lady? One harms the cheese and the other
charms the hes.
"A Cincinnati paper says: "Rogues
find no quarters here Prentice replies,
" Very likely they might search half the
pockets in the city and find none"
-"Now, my little boys aud girls"
said teacher, Il want you to be very
still, SO that you can hcat a pin drop y
For o minute all was still, when a little
boy shricked out, &" Let 'er drop"
--Woman-the farest work in crea
tion. The edition is large, and no man
should be without copy.
-" What is the best pun on record %
The best pun we ever recollect Of having
read is this:
He went and told the sexton.
And the sexton tolled the bell"
-" Are you acquainted with the pro
visions of Stevens Bill" said gentleman
who was little anxious about reconstruc.
tion to another not very well posted
Acquainted with Stevens Bill" was tho
answer, " certainly l am, and derncd
mean niger he is too. Don't know much
about his provisions though, saw him with
amiddling Of meat the other day-rcckon
he stole it. He won't suffer, as long as
there is anything to steal"
a western editor. when in durancc
for libelling justice of the peace. was re.
qussted by the jailor to give the prison O
favorable notice.
=" Pa, didn't you whip me for biting
Tommy
"Ycs, my child; you hurt him very
much.'