The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1867-03-07
aeit aud Aumur.. !.
The worst organ griuder-A hol.
low tooth that plays the deuce.


The worst organ griudsr-A hOl.
low tooth that plays the deuce.
The height of patience is deaf
man waiting to hoar tho ticking Of
sun-diai. 'I
What is the difference between a
battered dime aud new penny Nine
cents.
Artemus Ward says IL would have
bin ten dollars in JET, Davis pocket
if he'd never been born.
Even sorrow, pressed secretly in
mans own breast, hath sweetness
which he would not willingly lose.
A fellow just out Of Auburn prison
says he has lost all love aud admira.
tion for Auburn locks t-
Candor, in somo people. NAV bo
compared with lemon drops, ia which
the acid predominates over The sweet
ness.
q" II is never to late to mend" said
tho old lady when she sat up until 12
o o'clock p. NJ. to darn her husbands
stockings.
Beauty has its privileges. A wo-
who has plainuess Of counteuapco
must not indulge in the luxury Of
lp|aiuness Of speech.
WITNEss.-"This here feller broke
our viii Ter with tater, and hit Ish-
beller on the elber, as she was playing
on the piauner.'
MAGIsTRATE.-"Theco conduct OF the
prisona,' aud his general characta,
rendn, il propa, thst he should no
Tonga, be n memba' Of sooieta'. "
Miss Eta Parkhurst, of Boston,
has made up her mind to "marry no
man who drinks She don't wish
her husband TO "liek'or."
What is the reason that your
Iwife and you always disagree p ask
ed one Irishman OF another. "Be-
cause we are both of one mind. She
wants to be master and so dol
An Irishman on being told by his
employer to greeso the wagon, return
ed in an hour and said, "I've greas-
ed every part NV the machine but ths
sticks the wheels hang on
A wounded Irishman wrote home
from the hospital. and finished M by
saying. am for this country.
I've bled for it, and shall soon be
able to say I've died for it,"
A real estate agent informs the
public that he has beautiful cottage
in Lake county for sale. containing
ten large rooms and eight acres Of
land,
Artists have adopted different en-
blems Of charity. We wonder none
Of them ever thought Of piece Of
India rubber, which gives more than
any other substance.
A young lady from the country be-
ing invited to party, was told by her
cousin to dress up and put her best
foot forward, in order to catch bsau,
as "she looked so green in her ooun--
try attire" The Country lass looked
comically into the face Of her faded
relative, aud replied "Bettcr green
than withered."
A lady, paying visit to- her
daughter. who was young widow.
asked why she wore the widows garb
so long? "Dear mamma, don't you
see, replied tho daughter, ''it saves
me expense of advertising for hus-
band, as every one can see that I am
for sale by private contract.
A man, who advertised to give "the
best of sound, practical advice for
fifty cents, that would te applicable
at any time, and to all persons and
conditions of life" on application Of
Ct victim, "permAil," sons tho fol.
lowing-"Never give boy q dime
, to watch your shadow while YOU
} climb tree to look into the middle
of next week 1t don't pay.
The following is verbatim report
Of speech delivered at a religious
nesting out West. by good, pious
deacon 1t is queer combination Of
terms, certainly;
my female brethren, it is Of the
most in-f-night.est importance that
we should all bs clothed in whito
remnants ?"
A drunken fellow had wandered in
to Sunday School, and takon a seat
among primer scholars, when the
teacher aceosted him with
Why, James do you know whats
condition you are in ? "
Yes nm in th' gall of bin'ness,
n the bonds 'f'n-iquity. Ask mo
some hard qnesh'n's."
Sailors WIr.--Some time ago ono
of our ship-owners, ia getting away
, vessel, had consideraole trouble with
} one Of his men, by the uaIne Of Cain,
or Kane, who had got rather top heavy
on his advance wages, After the
vessel had accomplished Der vossg6,
on settling with the crew, Il came to
this nan S turn for settlement.
sswhat manor asked the merchant.
q nCain cir, 'was the reply, hlfn
Il 0Whatgp rejoinad the merchant
are you the man that slew has broth
or %
- No, sir, = was the ready sDd witty
lreply-o Jack. giving his tfowsers
twitch, With knerieg yipkrx s'R