The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-05-21
CURTAIN LECTURES BY MRS.
CHARLIE SLICK.
hhPoRrED BY HER HUSBAND.
!. Slick attends a club meetino.

Mr. Slick attends club meeting.
''Welh Mr.. Slick, If you are so drunk that
you can't tell the difference between ten
penny nail and a cigar, you had better go to
bed Yes, there it is again. Perhaps you
know better than l do, that matches won't
light iron. 'Taint nailG Well keep on
wasting matches, and then complain of being
poor Sink your poor wife and three inno.
cent little ones down to degrading poverty.
Whats q match p Yes; what's a drink
Nothing, only ten CENTS and ten of them make
a dollar.
81, for my part, can't see what amusement
there can be in the clubrOom, that men will
leave their homes, wives, and blessed little
ones, until IL o'clock, to amuse themselves as
best they may Weighty questions to discuss
Yes, no doubt they are weighty, for they seem
to weigh very heavy upon you so much so
that they stagger you; and | suppose what
makes your tongue so thick is you have talked
until it is swollen. You wish mine would
swell Yes there is no doubt of that. You
dislike to have your faults spoken of; but if
there is any company in the house, you delight
to burlesque my conduct, and throw out the
impression that you are the most abused man
in the world. Everything is SO different now
from what it was when we were first married.
Then you were all attention-constantly by
my side. It's all my faultY Yes,
that's what you always say. Always
jawing Yes if any one speaks of
your faults, and wants to advise for your own
good, they are always jawing. You think
such things are disgraceful Yes, think so
too. Suppose Toodles' folks had seen you
when you staggered up the steps and fell
against the door. What would they have
said You don't care-it was an accident
No, you haven't any shame for yourself nor
for me; but l should think you would dislike
to have 1t thrown in your childrens faces
that their father was drunk every week.
Mistake, indeed Yes, rather say it was
drunken miscalculation. Plead something in
extenuation of your faults. G DING to bed in
disgust Indeed l should think it was
time any honest person was there, for, if you
can see that far, it is ] o'clock; and as for
being disgusted, it's enough to disgust
saint of woman.''
Mr.. Slick retires, and unfortunately upsets
two chairs and runs against the cradle, which
awazens the last edition of the Slick family.
MIR. Slick RECEIVERS his equilibrium, and COM
mences singing =
"Come, landlord, fill the flowing bowl,
.I. Until IL doth run over;
For this night Wen merry, merry be,
To morrow Wen get sober"
Murder what bedlaml A lunatic asy-
lum would be Heaven to this place. Now
that you have woke up the baby and made
night hideous, hope you will go to bed and
sleep off your drunken fit. Amt (hic) drunk
Oh, no. You are perfectly sober. Got bad
turn of hiccups, that's all. There, hush,
papa is brute. A brute Yes, you are
gentleman A delightful husband you are
You try to make home pleasant, and your
company is very agreeable"
Mr.. Slick still sings and attempts to jig a la
negro minstrel, and then turns into bed.
''If you should be seen in that step you
would be besieged by the proprietors of min
strel troupes to dance in their halls. |, for
my part, would like to know if you make
yourselves as ridiculous at your meetings as
you do when you return from them. think
your intellectual qualities must get wonder
fully developed-literally crammed. How on
earth you can digest so much knowledge is a
wonderment to me. Your club must be the
best school in the town and by your conduct
tonight, you show yourself to be an apt pupil.
Now, Mr.. Slick, what is the use of your trying
to tell me about the profound discussions of
master-minds, when all you discuss is whisky,
wine, and good viands. Oh, yes, only little
refreshment Now how much better 1T would
look in you to spend the money upon your
family; but no, you must go and spend 1t at
club-room, and leave your wife and three
blessed little innocent ones to make scanty
meal from what was left over from dinner, and
all because you are to gorge yourself, like
glutton, in your clubhouse. That's what 1t
all comes to by believing what man says.
Heaven knows, if ever get free OF this bur
den, will never take another one upon my
self Leave, then Yes, that's what you
always say, when you KNOW tnaC nave
nothing to go with, not even dress fit to be
seen on the street. Then you ask why don't
leave if 1 am dissatisfied You know that
such conduct would dissatisfy the most lenient
of wives. have always endeavored to per-
form my duty, and then to be abused in this
man(sob)ner, it is too (sob) bad indeed. If l
had remained at home in single blessed"
Here Mr.. Slick fell asleep, and dreamed that
his wife was turned into thundergust, of
which he could hear the distant rumbling of
its pent-up fire.