Litchfield enquirer., 1867-01-24
MARK TRAIN ON CHAMBERMAIDs.

1ASaAlo6 Il1 ClldLuU0IIld1ltS, OIaNGdtSO6f0I age or nationality, I launch the curse oi bachelordom. Because:
 They always put the pillows at the op- poslte end of the bed from the gas burner, so that while you read and smoke before sleeping Jas is the ancient and honored custom of bachelors) you have to hold your book aloft in an uncomfortable position. to keep the light from dazzling your eyes: When they find the pillows removed to the other end of the bed in the morning. they receive not the suggestion in a friend ly spirit, but glorying in their absolute sovereignty and unpitying your. helpless ness, they make the bed as 1t was original ly, and gloat in secret over the pang their tyranny will cause you
 Always after that, when they lind you have transposed the pillows. they undo your work, and thus defy you to seek to embltter the life that has been given you. If they cannot get the light in an incon- venient position any othe, way they move the bed.
 If you pull your trunk out six inches from the wall, so that the lid will stay up when you open it, they always shove that trunk back again. They do it on purpose
 If you want the spittoon in certain spot, where it will be handy, they don t. And so they move it.
 They always put your boots in inacces- sible places. They chiefly enjoy deposit ing them as far under the bed as the wall will permit It is because this conpels you to get down in an undignifed attitude and make wild sweeps for them in the dark with the bootjack, and swear.
 They always put the match box in some other place. They hunt up a new place for 1t every day, and put bottle or other perishable glass thing where the box stood before. This is to cause you to break that glass thing, groping in the dark, and get yourself into trouble.
 They are forever and ever moving the furniture. When you come in at night you can calculate on finding the bureau where the wardrobe was in the morning. And when you go out in the morning, if you leave the slop bucket by the door and the rocking chair by the window, when you come in at midnight or thereabouts, you will fall over that rocking chair, and you will proceed toward the window and sit down in the slop tub This will disgust you. They like that.
 No matter where you put anything, they are not going to let it stay there. They will take it the first chance they get. It is their nature, and besides it gives them pleasure to be mean and contrary this way
 They always save up all the old scraps of printed rubbish you throw on the floor, and stack them up carefully on the table, and then start the fire with your valuable man. uscripts. If there is any one particular old scrap that you are more down on than any other, and which you are gradually wearing your life out trying to get lid of, you may take all the pains you possibly can in that direction; but It won't De of any use, they will always fetch that old scrap back and put it in the same old place again every time.
 And they use up more hair oil than any six men. If charged with purloining the same they lie about it. What do they care about hereafter? Absolutely nothing.
 Hyou leave your key in the door for con- venience sake, they will carry it down to the office and give it back to the clerk. They do this under the vile pretence of trying to protect your property from thieves, but actually because they want to make you tramp back down stairs after it when you come home tired, or put you to the trouble of sending waiter for.it, which waiter will expect you to pay him some thing. In which case suppose the wretch ed creatures divide.
 They always keep coming to make your bed before you get up, thus destroying your rest and infiicting agony upon you but after you get up they don't come any more till next day.
 They do all the mean things they can think of, and they do them just out of pure impotence, and nothing else.
 Chambermaids are dead to every human instinct.
 I have cursed them in behalf of outraged bachelordom. They deserve it. If 1 can get bill through the legislature abolishing chambernaids, mean to do it-N. Y. Weekly Reriew.