The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-08-06
EACETIE.

Rejected lays-bad eggs.-London Fun.
-Beecher says he advocates riches. His
income shows it. |
The Chicago Tines says the best fly catch
ers are bats.
-Barnum's last curiosity-The Wings of a
Flying Visit.
When ladies vote, candidates will always
be elected by "handsome" majOrrvses, and
sometimes by sweeping majorities.
-'T have the best wife in the world" said
a long-sufering husband; ''she always strikes
me with the soft end of the broom"
Nantucket has furnished Philadelphia
with lady principals for five, of her leading
private schools. The raising of 'school-
marms" is the great business of the place,
and large as is the supply, it is unequal to the
| demand.
"A lady tainted few days since in the
cars. A medical gentleman who went to her
relief exclaimed "Has gentleman flask of
whisky or brandy ?" Over thirty pocket pis-
tolls flashed in the air at once.
The fellow that was told that the best cure
for palpitation of the heart was to stop hugging
and kissing the girls, said: eff that is the only
remedy which can be proposed, say, let 'er
palpitate."
"A case of cOurtship of forty-fve years.
standing is reported at East Lynne, Mass. The
gentleman has paid his visits on each alter
nate Sunday evening.
"A young lady being engaged to be mar
ried, and getting sick of the bargain, applied
to a friend to help her unite the knot before it
was too late. ooh, certainly he replied.
"Its very easy to unite it now while it's a
beau"
Men dying make their wills, but wives
why should they make what all their lives
The gentle danes have had2
ANTIDoTE FOR ENNUI.-The following anti
dote for ennui, so prevalent in the sultry sum
mer months, is highly recommended by the
La Crosse Deaocrdt:-
r..
Sps. win. Otard ard........,......'..........,.Zi.
: Saccharine whiteum mashum.mq.s.
, Aqua congeali bus. s.
| |. Mlntum msomeum.,.................. sprigs.
shakum Likeilum .....'.....''...""q +.
| Strawum ongatus...."......",..."l.
a | Suckum threWem!
= Then sing:-
There am rose in yonder glen,
1t shuns the gaze of other men,
And ii you're dry, why drink again!
q Shouting:-
i Mary had q little lamb
= Oh mother I've come home TO drink,
Q But Mary didn't care, Adam
ii Ate Ewes apple quickern wink!
d THE ToMAHAwK, London satirical paper
e gives the following cut at putting
h 1--WE have now been long enough established
- | to sell our pages to enterprislng advertisers
IL | like the rest of our contemporaries. We beg
le therefore, to submit the charges we make II
v the literary part of our paper for their tnspeC
~ ton, promising that their orders Bhall be al
VI Tended TO with wit, economy, and despateh:-
"a good 'QtOtdble' TepetO Of q Trashy NOUet,-
From half a dozen gratis copies of new work
s. up TO one insertion of a half-column advertise
u ment 49, 80
- one insertion of a column advertisement u
70 to twenty-five Insertions of page advertise
at meni.
os | From four orders for Two to the Boxes to u
40 admit three 10 the Stalls.
s. ''Superior dtao, l01h 0entat gnd humorous u
er scyiption of The p'ot-From half dozen prival
or boxes to perpetual advertisement on the ediU
IL | rial page. a, <, ,,- : =,
as | lJoIey, On rnetlt-From three scraps OF good II
foTp alton 40 to a consulshtp for the editor.
Sole scryit notice Of grocery, etc., tlDarrdnt'
es so,ind Ind Seruicable).-From pot of pickles Z
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