The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-04-05
Chambermaids.
AN EssA4 BENARk TWAIN.

Against all chamOermdlds, OI "natSO-
ever age or nationality, launch the
curse Of Baehelerdom! Because:
They always put the pillows at the op- |
posite end of the bed from the gas burn
er, so shat while you read and smoke
before sleeping las Is the ancient and
honored custom Of bachelors, you have
to hold your book aloft, in an uncom-
Portable position, to keep the light from
dazzling your eyes.
When they find the pillow removed
to the other end of the bed in the morn
ing, they receive not the suggestion in a
friendly spirit, but, glorying in their ab-
solute sovereignty, and IMPLYING your
helplessness, they make the bed just as
it was originally, and gloat in secret
over the pang their tyranny will cause
you '-
Ifthey cannot get the light in an in
convenient position any other way, they
move the bed.
Ifyoupul your trunk out six inches
from the wall, so that the lid will stay
up when you open it, they always shove
that trunk back again. They do it on
purpose. 'z' 20
Ii you want the spittoon in a certain
spot, where it will be handy, they don't
And SO they move It. =
They aysput your other boots into
inaccessible places. They chiefly enjoy
depositing them as far under the bed as
the wall will permit. 1t is because this
| compels you to get down in an undig-
nifed attitude and make wild sweeps
| for them in the dark with the bootjack,
and swear. .,,a
They always put the match box in
some otherpIace. They hunt up a new
place for it every day, and put bottle
or some other perishable glass thing,
cropping in the dark, and get yourself in
to trouble. s.t
They are forever and ever moving the
furniture. When you come in, in the
night, you can calculate on finding the
bureau where the wardrobe was in the
morning, if you leave the slop-bucket
by the door and the rockipg-chair by ths
window, when you come in at midnight
or thereabouts, you will fall over th'
rocking-chair, and you will proceed to
ward the window and sit down in thai
sloptub. This will disgust you. They
! ike that.
No matter.where you put anything,
they are not going to let it stay there
4 They will take it and move it the frs
chance they get 1t is their nature
| And besides, it gives them pleasure t
be mean and contrary this way. They
would die if they couldn't be villains.
They always save up all the old scrap
of printed rubbish you throw on the foo
and stack them up carefully on the table
and then start the fire with your .valu
able manuscripts. Ifthere is any ont
particular old scrap that you are NOR
down on than any other, and which yo'
are gradually wearing your life out try
4 ing to get rid of you may take all the
pains you possibly >canin that direction
but it won't be of any use, because the.
will always fetch that old scrap bacI
and put it in the same old place agai'
every time. Hdoes them good.
And they. use up more hair oil tha
any six men. If charged with purioir
: ing the same, they lie about it. Wh'
!, ldothey care about ahereafteri gAbsc
lutely nothing ? = ? So ?. 8
If You leave your key'm the door fc
. convenience sake, they will carry
!, down to the office and give it to th
clerk. They do this under the vile pr
= tense of trying to protect your propert
: from thieves, but actually they do it b
cause they want you to tramp bac
down stairs after it when you CON
e home tired, or put you to hetrouble
sending water for it, which wait
will expect you to pay him soInethin
In which case suppose the degrade
> creatures divide.
They, keep always coming to mai
. your bed before YOU get up, thus d
u stroyipg Your rest and iufiicting agor
: upon you, but after you get up, th'
: don't come any more till next day.
: They do all the mean things they ca
/; think OF, and they do them just out
; pure cussedDess, and nothing else.
o Chambermaids are dead TO eyel
II human instinct. Tu. ro7
> have cursed them in behalf of OF
ragged batchelordom. They deserve
. n If can get bill through the Legisl
! ture abolishing ehambermaids, | mel
. TO do it. sissy sa.s
q SAN FRANosoo, November II, 1s6