The Plymouth weekly Democrat. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1860-1869, 1867-03-28
A PuritaniCai Samson COminc
south.

Hon. Henry Wilson, Of the State Of
Massachusetts, is the bearer of glad tidings
to the disconsOlatc stump orators of the
South. Armed with TO other weapon
than that with which Samson demolished
the Philistines, he designs invading the
South. and his sonorous bray is soon to be
heard in all our principal towns, cities and
counties. At the head Of an army Of New
England orators, each armed with the jaw
bone of an ass, he intended. he says, 'to
stump the South" n kind providence
has at last taken compassion upon us, and
is about to deliver the enemy into our
hands. With what a chuctle of supreme
delight will our grim, remorseless veteran
stump speakers welcome this array of JUL
CIV. well fed. sanguinous and s~ucculent ora
tors, after their long abstinence from those
cannibal entertainments which were enact
ed upon every court green before the
war.
The famished 'foot cavalry" of Stone
wall Jackson were never more ~gladdened
by the news Of Banks having received a
large supply of commissary stores on the
eve Of a battle, than will our orators be at
the news of the contemplated invasion of
Wilson and his slangwhangers. They
have been hungering and thirsting for vic
Tins tor a long time, and they are soon to
appear. 1t has no doubt been occasional
Iy the fate of some Of our readers when
traversing, during the summer months.
outrageous and un%frequented roads, to
notice the avidity with which the whole fam
lily of hungry und expectant CAD and horse
flies pounc,d upon their unhappy steeds
For days these hungry blood suckers had
laid in wait for the passing equestrian and
at their reward appears.
So will il be with the conceited donkey
from Massachusetts,. when he comes pran-
cling and braying among the mos,
enyenOmed, trenchant, and thorough
ly trained stump speakers in the civilized
world. Veterans who have spent half
their years in demollshing rival orators.
will give these adventurous Pul itans a dose
which they will long remember. and
their children will speak of the fate of
their oratorical fathers who were devoured
alive by the "stumping rebels" There
will be no diScourtesy. no violence, no
mobs, no riots but simply a "fair division
of time" and a full discussion. We con
graduate cur orators upon the good time
which has been promised them by Wilson.
They may not find in the army of inva-
ding orators "foemen worthy oftheir steel
hut the game will be more worthy of our
great stumpers than the vermin now har-
arguing the poor freedmen.
Since the Southern delegates were ex-
cluded from Congress. men like wilson,
Wade and Stevens, who have by lone
practice, acquired the rudiments of ertsn,-
, pare speaking, have lorded it at such a
rate over the poor devils who have always
read their speeches, that they are puffed
up with the most ludicrous vanity. 1t is
full time that this %conceit was taken out oil
: them, and if they will venture South and
meet our gifted popular orators in discus
sion. they will be hurled back to Plymouth
. Rock pursued bv Il clnnonade of Southern
S oratory that Wilson will be forcibly re
t minded of tho horrors ofthe first battle o
Ball Run, when he led the column of fugi
= tives who dashed across Long Bridge and
spread panic and pale dismay through thu
FederaI capital.
Let the Puritan orators come in vas
numbers. Our young lawyers are read,
h for the ruddy, thin-skinned, juicy gr4du
/. ates of Harvard and Yale, and our wary
terrific old stumpers, who have the bloot
of countless Indiscreet orators upon thei
d consciences, are ready to swallow the vii
d son. and Summers as if they were "SaddI
Rock oysters" served up on the half shell
We have now no rifles, muskets and can
non to repel invasion, but we have a grea
l. deal Of brain left, and all Of our famou
speakers were not slain in battle --Rrh
. mon5, Virginia Times.