The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1867-08-31
budget of Fun.

Which il the business that would "soot" every
bedyi Chimney swseping. ,...-,.t.,,
Why 10 IN alss~ u Ere in the night. like a
olotaos-bsash! BssAsss 'poils the nap.
Why ia . monarch. vh o can't talk. like his
doninions' Because he 10 . king dumb.
A vice I, mok, says n wise and witty divine,
will look virtue itself out OF countenance. - tr.
How does q statue exposed to the rain become
diminished in size: Because it is d s,atue-res
lsta.uettel. f.u -
Every hane has an antidot., Us said, and
NV fork illustrates the remte nv putting
pain-killcr stalls alongside the fruit stands
On reading that the milk of an rrita.ed COW
scon se.s sour. Quill remarkelthst dis landlady-
COW must be III u continual passion.
The model young man who invariably declines
an invitation ''to take something has so far
overcome his scrupcs AS to consent to take
vacation.
4 thrifty wife wonders why the men can't
manage to do something useiul. Mirhtthey mot
b. vel! nmuse themselves in smoking hams as
smoking cigars. FI...
An old lady was nd,uiring tn, beautiful
picture called Saved" "jt'sn wonder said
she, 'that the p3or child tauted after pulling
that great dog out OF the water.
Tommy. my SON." said fond mother, 900
y"u say your prayers BiyiIt and morning - yes
that is nights; but any smart boy take
OF himself in the daytime
Olympia Brown did not iascipate an Ornaaa
editor, who calls her "wc.thw.bcateu, eros
grained sour. sinppish, f.natica. Grabbed, sk.J.-
NY. sn"ked.iooliHs ~ teIdamc'
Hol,no. among other good thing, il he Jay
instincnt of his story, say, that "Ea-y crying
widows take new husbands soonest: there Is
n.thing like wet weather tor tr-.sp.anting.'
\ fashionable bu, ignorant lady. dc,i-ous Of
purchasing watch, shown a very b,sa,i,ul
one, the slopkeepc. that it went thirty
ak hours What in Que day :" she asked
a professional beggar, some ten years Of age,
ignorant of the art of reading bought a card u
place Oh MS breast, aud appeared in the public
streets "a poor widow with eight small
children"
4 man, when nsk~d shy his portrait was pain
ted - ford, replied, that while sitting FOR TIE
picture, near r~d-hot stove. ithcrmornete- l2i
above, he was requested to assume "A pleasant
expression OF oountenance. &4 A.
Not long sincc youth older in wit tlan wears,
after being c.tcchi-ed concerning the power ot
Mature. rcISlcd: MA, | think there is one
thing Hat4te VAL do. She can make Bill JuE
mouth Hy bigger without setting his ear,
back
Cudn~ the head of Married in the Milfori
JonraS. the editor says None reported =
what, the matter with the boys" Pcrhap~rts
the girls alter all. A. least Let them share the
responsibility suggests the Prov Ldogce J"nrS1t
Ia = certain burgh in West Virgins, tHere r.
al old darkey named Unc.e Al, who alter getting
remarkably happy upon one occasion, cried cn.,
40 Lord, raise the roof and let me 20 right up
70 glory. ond III pay for the da,nsge to the
abingles."
At a fashionable dinner. a geut!e,nan observed
person who ant or;osit", use n toothrick which
had JUS, done the sa,nc sssrvice TO his neghbor
Wishing u apprisc him Of his mistake. he sad
81 beg your pardon. sir. but you are using Mr..
Ms n,o.hpick." II kno~ 1 am. BY the
po~er-, sir. do you think 1 am not going to
return i z"
The following notice indicates a bad spell as
vel, a. a hot spell .Soiia,-Thi- plAi- il
clo-ed fur repairs onto the lscAcher. His yoisc
10 gin cont, and we've sent him to Saratoyy 10
rr.ooper it. on,er fail pay. Sinners under oon-
vicshun i. respectfully roquested 10 adjorn 10
SAra,oyy. ed ,aey haz the stamps Eli not. to
hold their hossa' 10 the fail term. Ell they ko;.
dude ~ die in the meaatin,e, eour preacher will
lna,k il awl ritc with 'em in the next world.