The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1867-05-04
WET AND HUmOR.

moon.
"'Tis false" as the girl said when her
lover told her she had such beautiful
| hair.
Il have not loved lightly" as the man
said when he married woman weighing
three hundred pounds.
HARDLY.-paper made from wood can
scarcely be claimed as recent invention,
for it is well known that lag. books have long
been used by masters Of vessels. :,
A cIcrgymau "down East asked NO
man he had baptised, as she was coming
out Of the water, how she felt 10 her mind,
and was somewhat surprised to hear her
answer, Bully" = - 1ey
A little boy asked his mother what
blood relations" meant. She replied tha6
it signifed near relatives, etc. Afte1
thinking a moment, he said: "Then,
mother, you must be the bIoodiest relation
I've got.P
A young lady being requested by an
old bachelor to take a seat upon his kneel
in crowded sleigh, made the following
reply: mo, thank you, I'm afraid such
an old scat would break down with me-
4 little girl, fogg, years old, was recent
i y called witness IN police court, and
being asked "what becomes Of little girls
who tell falsehoods," innocently replied
that they were sent to bed.
/ A yonngster perusing q chapter in
Genesis, turned to his mother and inquired
] if people in those days used TO do sums on
the ground. He had been reading the
passage: ''And the sons of men multiplied
upon the face Of the earth" =
i At one ofthe schools in this city the
inspector asked the children if they could
1 give any text Of Scripture which forbade
a man having two wives. One of the
children sagely quoted in reply the text:.
No man can serve two masters" ~ !.
The Chinese have numerous diseases Of
the eyes; every fifth man haviDgssme oe.-
ular defect, and every fifteenth losing his
Isight altogether. They attribute it to the
excessive use of rice and constant shays~
ling.
When DR.. H. and Sargent a. were
walking arm-in-arm, a wag said to friends
'.They two are just equal to one highs
way man"
/ "Why ?" was the response.
Because, "rejoined the wag, sfit is q
lawyer and doctOr-your money or your
life. a .. ,.,..r
j The Pope IS reported to have given his
i i'..r-~e-iona of the Engiih LiberaLnarfI4
-
Lord cIarsadon.I / Ekeand understood.
Mr.. Gladston liked, but conldn't under
stand The Duke ofArgyle understood,
but didn'tlike Lord Russell did't like
] and didn't understand" -
A religious body having resolved to build
"a new church, the pastor went about beg
giHg very zealously, accepting not only
thesEidow's but the child's mite. In
the Sunday school one Sunday. while in
lstrueting them, he compared himself to
shepherd, aud then inquired what the lat
ter did with his flock One bright-eyed
little fellow promptly replied HE shears
them r.
} An actress, connected with one of the
thcatcrs, great favorite. was complimented
upon the blackness of her hair. "Why,
tits dyed, she replied, with the amiable
lfrankness Of the true artist. -"Dyed,"
. Irepled the other speaker, Eswhy, favorite
] ss you are, yon are not Eve and twenty"
. mo said the lady, ''but You know whom
the gods love, dye young"
A clergyman was surprised, during the
late cold weather, to see his little daughter
: bring home from the Sunday School IL
e brary a a grave treatise on g s'Backslding."
!. MY child,s. said he, ''this is too old for
7 you; you can't make anything of IL" 81
know it, papa" was the artless reply,
e shut l thought I could when took it.
: thought it would teach me how to slide
backwards" "
= When the celebrated Mlle George,
Just deceased, was once performing before
II the first Naploeon, at the,eHdof a passage
4 that abrought down the house" the Em-
, peror complimentcd her and asked what
: present she desired. .0h; sinep whim-
+ pared she, ssthercr is nothing on earth I
!. should prize so highly as your portrait"
+ imagining that he would give her his
. likeness set in diamonds. 3Pour tout, res
{ pended Napoleon and pulled from hts pock-
a ct a FIVE franc pieca, hearing his efkgy,
Il and made her take it. ;ssf ~
= Patrick McQuillin was q baggage master
= on one of our railroads, and attentive to his
! Il business. A few evenings since. while
:, at his post, he was accosted by an excited
y reverend, who, in rude and boisterous
/ manner, demanded to know the where
y abouts of his trunk? Pat, after several
: times replying to the interrogatory, lost pa
: : tience, and thus put amend to the stran-
gers troublesome questioning;
= etsOch lmisther, IWish by my sowl, you
y were the elephant instead of the jackass,
= = for thin you would always have your trunk
= under yer eyelR ss
= TheTeversnd didn't ask for his trunk Z
= second time.
ldl Deacon A., while passing through hi.
a. lot the ether day, stopped down to tie hi
d Ishoelp Aspetl ram which the boys had
st tanned, regarded this posture as offensive
mi He instantly pitched into the old gentle
ID mans rear, and laid him full length
syl in mud hole. Picking himself up, tht
IN deacon discovered the cause of his over
rs throw, standing in all the calmness ani
err dignity of a conscious victor His rag.
i. was boundless. and he saluted him Will