The south-western. [volume] (Shreveport, La.) 1852-1870, 1867-03-27
Barnum's First Speech in Congress.

By Spiritual Telegraph.
Mr.. P. r.. Barnum will find the House OF
Representatives most excellent advertising
medium. in case he is elected to Congress. lie
will certainly not forget the high duties to his
country deyolying upon him, and it will be |
pity il he forgets bis private worldly AFFAIRS
a genuine pity if his justly famed sagacity tails
to point out to him how he can dosetali ousi,
ness and patriotism together to the mutual
benefit of himself and the great republic. L
am informed by the spirits that his first speech
in Congress will read as follows:
"Mr. Speaker-What do we do with dis |
eased limb? Cut it off! What do with |
diseased curiosity? Sell him What do |
we with any speculation of any kind whatever
that don't pay? Get rid of it-get out Of it !
OF course. Simply because I have got the
most superb collection of curiosities in the |
world-lhe grandest museum ever conceived |
Of by man-contanng the dwarf elephant |
Jenny Lind, and the only living giraffe on this
continent THAT noble brute which sits upon
its hams in an attitude at once graceful and |
picturesque, and eats its hay out of the recond |
story window, )-because | have got these !
things, and because admission is only thirty |
cents, children and servants half price, open /
49,
other luxures of the season to be purchased /
in any part of the house-lhe proprietor at
enormous expense having fitted up two pea
nut stands to each natural curiosity because
| have got these things. shall L aevel IN luxu-
rous Incidence when my voice should sound
warning to the nation? No Because
the wonderful spotted human phenomenon,
the leopard child from the wilds of Africa IS
mine, shall exult in my happiness and be 81,
I lent when my country life is threatened? No!
Because the double humpbacked Bactrian
camel takes his oats in my menagerle, shall
surfeit with bliss and lift not up my voice to
save the people? No Because among my
possessions are dead loads of royal Bengal Il
| gers, Himalaya mountain bears, $50 interest
| Ing to Christian families from being mentioned
| in the sacred Scriptures silver striped hye-
mas, lions, tigers, leopards, wolves, sacred cat
tie from the sacred hills of New Jersey, pan
| theirs, ihezes, performing mules and monkeys,
South American deer, and so-torth, and So
forth, shall I gloat over my blessings IN ST.
! lence, and leave Columbia 10 perish No
Because | have secured the celebrated Gordon
| Cumming collection, consisting Of oil portraits
! Of TWO negroes and a child who rescued him
| from impending death, shall | wrap me IN
mute ecstasy and let my country lush I'M
warned to her destruction No! Because
unto me belong the monster living alligator,
over twelve feet in length, and four living
specked trout, weighing twenty pounds, shall
these lips sing songs of gladness and peal no
succoriny cry unto doomed nation? No
Because I have got Mier's grand national
bronze portrait gallery, consisting of two plas-
ter of Paris Venuses and a vanished mud-tur-
tie, shall / bask in mine own bliss and be mute
in the season Of my peoples peril? No! Be-
cause | possess the smallest dwars IN the
world, and the Nova Scoan giantess, who
weighs ton and eats her weight every forty
eight hours; and Herr Phem 0'Flannigan,
the Norwegian giant, who feeds on the dwarfs
and ruins business; and the lovely ClFcaslan
girl; and the celebrated Happy Family, con-
ssting of animals of the most diverse prlnci-
pies and dispositions, dwelling together IN
peace and unity, and never beheld by the re-
Iigious spectator acquainted with Eden before
the fall, without emotions too profound for ut
terance and $50, 600 other curioslties, chiefly
invisible to the naked eye-all to be seen for
the small sum of thirty cents, children and
servants half price staircases arranged with
special reference to limb pays-shall hug
my happiness to my soul and fail to cry aloud
when | behold my country sinking to the
grave? No "a thousand times no!
mo! Even as one sent TO warn ye Of
fearful peril, cry help help for the strick-
en- land Iappeal to you-and to you-and
to you, sir-,o every true heart in this august
menagere Demayogues threaten The god
dess Of liberty they beard the starry -robed
woman in her citadel! and to you the bearded
woman looks for succor! Once more grim
treason towers in our midst, and once more
helpless Loyalty scatters into corners as do the
dwarfs when the Norwegian giant strides
among them! The law making powers and
the Executive are at daggers drawn, State
after State filings defiance at the amendment,
and 10! the Happy Family of the Union is
broken up! Woe is mel
"Where is the poor negro? How hath he
Jared Alas his regeneration is incomplete;
, he is free, but he cannot vote; ye have only
made him white in spots, like my wonderful
Leopard Boy from the wilds of Africa! Ye
promised him universal suffrage, but ye have
:, given him universal suffering instead Woe
, is ne!
1.-The country is fallen The boss monkey
sits in the feed-tub, and the tom cats, the rae
coons and the gentle rabbits of the once hap
py family stand helpless and aiar OF, and pc
hold him gobble the provender in the pride
! of his strength! Woe is me
J *'Ah gentlemen, our beloved Columbia,
with these corroding distresses upon her, must
soon succumb The high spirit will depart
= from her eye, the bloom from her cheek, the
majesty from her step, and she will stand be-
fore us gaunt and worn, like my beautiful gi-
antess when my dwarfs and Circasi~ns prey
i upon her rations! Soon we shall see the Tory
: of the realm pass away, as did the grandeur
: of the museum amid the consuming fires, and
/ the wonders the world admires shall give place
= to trviaties, even as in the proud museum
= the wonders that once amazed have given
: place to cheap stuffed reptiles and peanut
stands Woe is me!
a SO, spirit of Washington! forgotten in these
; evil times, thou art banished to the dusty cor.
ridors of memory, staring efigy of wax, and
= none could recognise thee but for the labe
pinned upon thy legs O. shade of jackson