The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1867-12-08
WIT TICIs M S


uOleb't--ClnclOg
revolutionary character. the man In the moon
grave misiake--Accidentaly burying man alive
The happy planserA bury ing his mother In law.
What nation produces marriage why, Fascination.
When IS q window like star ?-wnen 1t il a skYrght
How much does iool weigh generally PA simple ton
radical farmer Is probably one who raises roof
crops
still.
IL good while have heard the low Of beef
cattle.
bad husband beats HIS wife, and bad wife beats
the devil
When was Noah in America When he on tho
Arx-andsaw
fort that Is too much stormed days--ths
pianoforte.
How do you define ''black as your haiti" Darkness
that may be felt
Mrs yalaprops iast-inviting her friends TO partaks
OF \ cold relation.
Incendsry language "ihoughts that breathe and
words that burn"
The Indians out West are collecting poll tax-they
take II out in hair
When does criminal resemble an old book When
he s bound over.
Why is a wator lily like q whalef They both come 70
the surface TO blow.
When does husband appear most unhappy When
be 10 sigher tsrel.
What contains more feet In winter than In SUMMER
A skating rink.
The speaker who took the floor has been arrested
for stealing lumber.
what vegetable expresses tho relation between milk
and water Pumpkin.
why young ladies given 70 blushlngi Because ne
goldfish breakfast and an India rubber coat will keep
man dry all day
Why are dogs valuable 70 tannsnY Because Of tho
quantity OF bark they yield.
The telegraph reports General stones
be opened" With chisels
Women often kiss each other whom they had rather
bite on each others noses.
Why Is discharged clerk like an adutsrator Of II
quorsY Because he 10 an extender
Why . fathers like we'll trained chidf Be-
cause II is always under parents eye
Why 10 tho vowel 0 the only word ever sounded Be-
cause all the others are inaudibe.
young man who received a ''blowing up' from bis
sweetheart call her a"wndlass"
What sort of throat the best for singer TO reach
the high notes witns A soar throat
II bottle Of singer pop weighs one pound and haf
how much will your grandpop weigh
susceptible youth says he would rather 60 to church
to see the hers than tosread the hymns.
When Is q blacksmith in danger OF raising rowf
When he makes poke X and shove l.
Why are cheese mites like book Of Bulwer'sa Be-
cause IT'S great elbow" and little 10 show
French writer on gas,ronomy defines indigestion -
be % the ngratitude OF the stomach"
Collaborating bonds-the bonds OF matrimony. The
coupons payable annually or Whereabouts.
In Ireland there Of Cork; IN Scotland men Of
Ayr; but on the Thames there are lighter men.
Why wasn't Eve tried for eating the applet Because
there was no court Of appell-at ate Jurisdiction
An architect proposes 10 build "Bachelor's Hall"
which will differ from most houses 10 having no Ewes
well known comedy that could be represented
on the stage any where clse"The Silent Woman"
Why rs q rooster standing fence like a silver half
dollar? Because 1t head on ono side and tail on the
other
An ingenious Frenchman has patented Illuminating
for bachelors who return home late 1t night
What is the difference between hen and 40 idle
muscang Ono lays at pleasure and The other plays q
leisure
saub says he sat down 70 wing table where
there thirteen turkey gobbers Only one Of Thorn
was cooked. t& htada $500
Grant couldn't keep horse takv out OF his mpeach-
ment testimony. He mentioned " siable' government
several times.
why was Evo the rs ritunl,st convert Because she
began by being evo-angelical ana ended by adopting
IL do not say that viii steal, " sad witness on
trial; .bat i was chicken I'D rooss high when he
A lady has invented and patented eNursery wash
be attached to IT,
Why are Young ladies' kissing each other like Chris
tiany Because they do a. they would like 70 have
others do unto tnem. as sAst.ss se4 -
u know every rock on the coast said an Irish
pilot Az that moment the ship struck, whom he
claimed And that's ono or them 10
What more brilliant than topev's noses why
volcanoes 70 be Pat remarks that the chief glow
Of each comes fron, the crater
Chicago divorce rests the complaint OF the
lady that her husband her get up the middle Of
the night and make the bed over
sTn give that girl piece Of my uisd," exclaimed
certain young fellow II would not replied his uncle
s.you've none 70 spare"
ssDoss father have wry face ~ asked little boy or
an elder brother "No, Johnny; be has an old Bour-
bon face the obeorvant youth. replied. f9e
why 10 . sharp razor like dull ones Because the
one shaves thoroughly and the other shavss tho
roughly This 10 csrta'uly sroagh conundrum.
Josh Billings says:--.r am violently opposed tew
ardent spsers a. bcvrdgs but Tor msnufscturin pur
poses think little Of Il tastes good" \. s4lee 81
shenied magistrate, osnsuring boys for loter-
IN he Streets no. could anybody e. ''-''
"Ps, DO storms make malt hquons ~ mo, chnd;
why 90 you asky" because hesrd ssli jaas y
bring in The clothes, for storm vas brewing" {,
bill posted on the walls OF . cosnlry village an
nounces that - lecture will be delivered In the open
air and collection made ~ the door 10 defry sx-
pensss.n ~
John Paul says:-'1 have nsvsr besn conductor, e.
gnser nor brakeman though I've been on maay
train; but when boy was switch-tsndsr."
Georgia psPe, boast, TIA, the ores .. TIA. sisss
world r@hts Naeffs NJ +
why George VIA. :,s you hs:og in the ss,d.. for
mother, and dos't the Bible nay, 10 every mai
going into hal i.mournins. aid" WSy arsws going
half dsad 7"
The noodle gun Is to the ord,nsry muskcs what short
hand 10 to common writing. such 10 the definition
given BY the Archdnks william Commander IN Chief or
The Austrian artillery.
'You would not take me for twenty =, said young
Idly Der partner while dancing, lev evsnnvs ago
.Thsn what would you take me fovjn sFor bstsss Or
for worse, replied ha
oh, read my verse and ponder e. y. 8
And do not think II idie
You love q bit
Until you want bridle
There 10 commercial gentleman who ID ususIly
pulous In regard 70 having his plate polished
morning, beng determined ''lsass an untarnlsbed
nsme bshind him''-wasn be goes Into The counting
Said Henry 10 q brother carpenter, looking - some
old lumber sThas piece OF timber 10 strong enough -
last . year From appesrances" he replied, ~
should say the end Of fortnight would b I've
week.
There are bulls In Portugal we'll IN Ireland ne
Mayor Of Esirsmadura offering reward for the