Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1867-07-25

the visits,
"A young girl one day asked. "DO
tell me why it is Cupid continues so long
after the invention of powder to use ar
rows ?n $40 avoid the report of lire arms,
which would attest the jealous" was the
reply.
The president of the Brewers conven-
ton, in session at Chicago, said IN his
opening speech, "that it was the hope
aud desire of every German that lager
beer should become national beverage
in this county"
"A disturbed preacher remarked, "If
that cross-eyed lady in the side isle, with
red hair and b,ue bonnet, don't stop talk
ing, must point her out to the congrega-
ton"
The forthcoming orange crop in Flor
ida will surpass any that has been for
years. The trees are loaded with bios
SONS, and some of the groves are expected
to bear from one to two hundred thousand
each.
We shall know what are the necessa-
ries of life" said country store-keeper
during a severe storm, as no one will ven
ture forth to day except to procure them.
in the evening he found the most Of his
sales were yellow snuff and whisky.
Josh Billings on preaching, says:
~ always advise short sermons, especially
on a hot Sunday. If minister kant
strike lie in boring forty minits, he has
either got a poor gimblet, or else he is
boring in the wrong place
"A gentleman asked Mr. Beecher the
other day what he intended to do with
the characters of his novel now running,in
the Ledger. He SAID he was bothered to
know, but "lelt tempted to get up
grand railroad accident and kill them all
off at once"
After much training of quite
younster to keep him still at the table
long enough for the blessing" he sat very
quietly one day until near the close of the
service, his mother beginning inwardly to
congratulate herself that for once he had
kept still, when he suddenly called out,
'at'll do papa, papa; pass plates now"
Some time since a gentleman died in
the town of Y, who during life, refused
to believe in another world. Two or three
weeks after his demise, his wife received
through a medium communication, which
read as follows: "Dear wife | now be-
lieve. Please send me my thin clothes
-" Didn't you tell me you could hold
the plough ?" SAID farmer to an Irish
man he had taken on trial. Be aisy,
now" says Pat. How could | hold it
an two horses pulln' it away ? just
stop the craytures and I'll hould it for
We.
The stove-pipe hat is in great danger.
The inexortable leaders of fashion are
bent upon abolishing 1t. The work pro-
ceeds by degrees, and consists in gradual
ly lowering the crown and widening the
brim until it becomes, according to the
description, low, stiff sombrero, of
silk-covered cardboard, with soft interi-
or edges
"A pauper recently died in New
Hampshire poor house, the Superintendent
of which suggested to an old roommate
of the deceased that he should dig the
grave. This the old fellow refused stoutly
to do, saying: Hang the old lazy crtter
he's been loadng about here all the spring;
why didn't he dig his grave then if he
wanted one dug
-" According to Milton, Eve kept
silent in Eden to hear her husband talk, ,"
said a gentleman to lady friend" and
then added in a melancholy tone, " Alas !!
there have been no Ewes snce.n "Be-
cause there hava been no husbands worth
listening to-" was the quick retort.
The following notice is posted in two
places in New Hartford: ~ hereby de
pose and say that |, Judge Lyman of
lawful age did hear Martin Wilcox tell his
boys to stone my Rooster off his Grounds
and they ssoned the Noble Bird like
Stephen of Old times, Even unto Death
and he lies in my compost heap, somebody
must pay tho damage"
The Frenchman who desired sliced
tongue at table, said: Pass me some of
VHoI lhhSuaSC3 duu Vic OLu6i WllCy NISH-
ing to express the meaning of Heaven
/ preserve you," wrote TO a friend, may
Heaven plckel you to all eternity" both
followed the dictionary, as also did the
Dutchnsan who reading that a meeting
dissolved, supposed that the people all
melted together on account of the intense
heat.
"A history prepared for the French
schools by the Minister of Public Instruc-
ton records that in the year 1867, " the
Emperor Macmillan reigned peaceably
over a contented people, and that
French influence was, thanks to God,
forever established on the South Amer
lean continent The history wants an
early revision.
The Tidioute (Pa.) Journal tells a story
of a dying man at whose request dance
was held the night previous to his decease
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