Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1867-04-17
A Little of Everything.

Esland.
Millions for de fence t' as the nigge
SAID when bull chased him across a ter
acre lot.
4 hy is a selfish friend like the lette
- Because, though he is the first in pity
he Is the last in help.
WE hat sort Of a drum is that which i.
best when it cannet be beaten? Why, &
conun drum, of course.
Why does the eye resemble school
Ipaster in the act of fogging? Because il
has pupil under the LASH
The editor of the Discussion, of Mad
nd, Spain. has just been sentenced to death
Tor articles which he had published.
Why is a clock the most modest piece OF
! furniture? Because it covers its face with
| Its hands and runs down its own works.
:-The'public character of man is the tin
sci worn of court his private. character is
the service of gold kept at his bankers.
"A romantic young man says that a
young woman's heart is like the moon-it
changes continually, but always has a man
in it.
Are you the mate ?" said passenger
to the Irish cook of vessel NO" an
swered Pat, ''but I'm the boy that boils the
mate %
The following is a true copy of note
received by schoolmaster 'sSur, as YOU
air a man of nolege, intend to inter nv
my son in your skull
In the natural history of insects, the
grub turns into a butterfly; but it often oc-
ours In the natural history of man, that the
butterfly turns into a grub.
"A lazy fellow down South spells Ten
II. 4,
Andrew Jackson-&ru Jaxn. He signs
his name thus: j o ii. Hole.
In the voyage of life we should imi
tate the ancient mariners, who, without
losing sight of the earth, trusted to the
heavenly signs for their guidance.
"A rich Philadelphia contractor, in a
suffered pains of the damned. The doctor
coolly answered, What, already? p
Thirteen objections were once given by
a young lady for declining match-the
first twelve being the suitor's twelve chill
dren, and the thirteenth being the suitor
himself
A surgical journal speaks Of man
who lived five years with ball in his head
Job Squires says he has known ladies to
live twice as long with nothing but balls in
their heads.
"A lady wished a seat. A portly hand
some gentleman brought one and seated
her. cob, you are jewell said she.
''Oh. no, i" replied he. II am jeweller-I
have just set the jewel.
,-"Nimrod, do you know the meaning of
the word onaphibious ?'' Eyes, sir, it's
hoss marine sort of critter, what always
sits on rock, cause he won't STAY in the
water, and can't live on land
"A little boy asked his mother what
blood relations meant. She explained that
1t meant near relatives, ETC. After think
ing moment, he said "Then, mother.
you must be the bloodiest relation | have
got
"A young lady trading with rather raw
clerk for pair of stockings, asked chow
high they came?' Her beauty and her
question staggered him, but he at last stam-
mered out, Don't know-'bove the knees
| guess!'
q er all the world four things we find
That leave no mark or trace behind:
The eagle soaring bold and free,
The ship which cuts the foaming sea,
The snake as o 'er the rock he slips,
And lovers kiss on lady's lips
An honest Democrat. in recent con-
yersation relative to the faults of President |
j Johnson, candidly admitted that one of his |
greatest mistakes was the appointing Of
that fool, Rev. Petroleum v Nasty his
chaplain he might know enough to keep
Post office, but he wasn't fit. for spirit
ual adviser
"A Methodist and Quaker, having
stopped at the same public house. agreed to
sleep in the same bed. The Methodist
snelt down and prayed fervently, and con-
[essed long catalogue of sins. After he
arose the Quaker observed: Really, friend
# thou art as bad as thou sayest thou art, l
thlnk dare not sleep with thee. :"
An old woman on a steamboat observed
two men pumping up water to wash the
ieck, and the captain being near by, she
iccoSted him as follows: well, captain, got
l well on board eh ?'' es ma am, we al
ways y carry one, )" said the polite captain.
We'll, that S clever. | always did dislike
he nasty river water, especially IN the dog
lays"
An impatient Welshman called to his
Come, come, isn't breakfast ready?
We had nothing since yesterday, and to-
morrow will be the the third day This
5, equal to call of..the stirring housewife
Come, Bridget, get up! Here's Monday
morning, tomorrow is Tuesday, next day
w Nednesday-half the week gone and moth
ng done yeti"
"A great philosopher says in one of his
etters: Il have told you of the Spaniard
Who always put on his spectaces when he
vas about to eat cherries, that they might
ook the bigger and more tempting. In
ike manner / make the most of my enjoy
nents; and though do not throw nay cares
away, | pack them up in. as little compass
Is can conv veniently for myself, and never
ct them annoy others j