The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1867-10-05
Fan Opening or the Churches.

The New York Herald, of the 30th
ultimo, has the following admirable
satire:
We have given in the Herald the
opening of the fall season among the
milliners and theatres, and now q
similar opening in the fashionable
churches claims our attention. The
fall programme of these churches
will serve as an interesting supple
ment to our amusement columns.
The pastors have been in training all
summer at tie watering places for
che great contest between them and
Satan this winter. But while our
worthy parsons have been away from
their fooks, the arch enemy has been
at work in terrible earnest and pipe
laying for the coming campaign. He
has been stirring up the muscle of
the metropolis and preparing them a
Ia Morrissey as candidates for Con-
gress, the qualifications of which, he
announces, are to be light or heavy
weight champion of the prize ring.
His Internal Majesty has been also
caucesing with some of the theatrical
ening the dresses of their ballet
dancers, and thereby rendering Black
Crook exhibitions more attractive
than ever. Hence it will require ali
the skill and energy of our clergy
men to combat the cloven-hoofed
champion this winter. There used
to be, eighteen hundred years ago, q
dozen poor fishermen in Galilee, who
went forth as apostles to the whole
world, and their Divine Master said
to them, "Take nothing for your
journey; neither slaves nor scrip,
neither bread nor money; neither
have two coats apiece" The pas
tors of our fashionable churches sad
ly neglect this command at the pre-
sent day. Fine lawn and broadcloth,
head done up in the latest style of
the fashionable hair-dresser, hand
some salary, fat horses and an elegant
establishment, are q few of the dis
tinguishing characteristics of some of
the apostles of the nineteenth CEN
tury. The churches are SO many
mirrors of fashion, and the latest
styles of bonnets, cloaks and dresses
adorn the pews. By-the-way, why
not call these pews boxes and dress
circles, as there are reserved seats in
each, and the audience is mainly
made up of people who go to church
to see and be seen?. We know not
yet of any definite changes in the
programmes of the managers of the
churches. but doubtless they have
plenty of religious novelties on hand.
The grand opening of the. churches
took place in this city and Brooklyn
before crowded audiences. Even the
steps of the pulpit were invaded by
crinolined and chignoned worship
pers, and the blooming faces of the
preachers were received with delight
by the various audiences. There
will be, probably. many debms made
in the pulpit this season, and the
ladies are already making extensive
preparations in the way of bouquets
and slippers for the expected aspi-
rants to ministerial honors. We won
der very much what one of those
earnest, devoted apostles of the olden
time would say if he were to visit q
fashionable Gospel establishment of
the present day, ostenslbly devoted
to the worship of God. The wrath
of Moses, when he came down from
the mountain with the Command
ments and found the Israelites dane
ing around the golden calf, would be
mild comparison with the spectacle
of the wrath of the evangelist.
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