The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-06-14
j NUMBER UNI i s Is.

''' ~ ~ uA/AIXO SSsh'
-. - -..- - - -.
When Sir Tbomas Parker wss pleading
ssains d.. saehsevereIl, tho Doc,os said 10
bisus -s'nT y'-.l 'I r.'f..sI o.. }1.aI
II shsll pmy God 70 forgive you"
"ARd while your hand = in, remember
yourself COOL docior," said Sir Thomas.
An old lady who wa about to bVoashs hsr
las, received call from nm acquaintancs ig.
norant Of the mortal illness. The answer
zen, down from tho chamber Of the depart.
INK sufferer vas men,orally uniqus: mad
sme - sends her compliments 70 Madame
-, hut bcgs to he excused, a. me y en-
sased y tns" -, -.
r"You maj, be % afisetiOnaio as you
please, dear" ssid . wife to her husband,
who was fond Of her and wine. too, 'and
you m.y smsli Of the wino IL you will; but
please not to smell Of vino and I've affection
ate a, tho same moment. ! value your al.
feetion too highly TO let you disgust mo
with L." ''''
Mrs. Par.ing,on, reading an account OF
uilroad accident, was much surprised TO
learn that the engine had been driven on tho
truck by ono Of the switches. .she sho"'d
not thought" she said. ~thst the great iron
engine would mind such Gttlc thing ~ q
switch" "Ycs but you must remember,
mammal said Ike, gravely, "thc locomotive
has a tender behind"
An editors bliss In the next world Is
spoken OF as follows: sin that paradise tho
cry Of moro copy will never again fall on
his distracted ear. His enjoyment will no
moro be interrupted by the growls Of un.
reasonable subscribers, and no will no moro
be obstrnc.ed by illesible manuscript and
abominablo poetry. No rival editor will
steal his thunder or his items, and typo.
graphical errors shall know him no moro
forever
A Irisl,man had been sick for q long time
and while in this state would occasionally
ccaso bro,,hing, aud lifs bc apparently ex-
tinct for some time, when he would again
revive. On one Of these occasions. when
he had jus, awakened from his sleep Pat
rick asked him-1Ah. how'll we know.
Jenny. when you're dead3 You're aftcr
wakin' up livery time" "Bring me glass
O. grog," he replied, "and say to me, Hero
is to ye, Jenny an # I don't rise up and
dhrink, then bury me-"
An Irishman entered bookstore to pur.
chase a lead pencil, and smusc himself ny
looking over the numerous books that filed
tho counter. "What's thai3" he asked,
pointing TO large, silt-edsed box. THAT
box contains Millions Paradise Lost; do
you wish TO buy tF answered tho po'so
clerk. "No, bedad. ! don't; if Milton hns
los, his pair o. dice, why don't you givo
them back to him, and not be ternptin' in
noeent boys like meself to buy lost proper.
". Pom my soul, III report yc TO tho per.
lice"
A little Union girl, whose father had just
returned from the war with an honorable
discharge, went to visit relative in dis.
tant county accompanied by lady. Ar
riving late In the evening at Uncle BIS, our
little pairiotcss being much fiisued, pro-
posed to retire, and solicited her compsn-
ion to 20 with her. 1Oh no." replied she,
al must si, up until Uncle b. has pnycnL"
"Pmy!" said our little iriend-1docs Uncle
b. pny1 Why, IlougM he toas Demo-
uut!" What partisan!
A clergyman remarked to a servant who
had been long time In his service, "John,
you have been long time in my service
I dare say you arc able to preach sermon
as we'll as l." "0h, no, sir" said John;
"but many an inference have drawn from
yours" "Well," said tho clergyman, 81
win give ysu text out Of Job; let mo
hear what you will make from IL: And tho
asses snuffed up the east wind.'" "well,"
replied John, "lhe only inference that ] can
dnw Is this, that Il would be a long timc
before they would grow ht upon it."