The native Virginian. [volume] (Orange Court House, Va.) 1867-187?, 1867-12-06

MM Ann aynmgf.
- Said Steven Girard: 81 never
cease to advertise. 1t is an investment
that pays at all seasons.
- An Irishman objected to pay
the dog tax on the ground that his dog
was not naturalized.
"A dancer once said to Socrates
"Y0u eafinot stand on one leg so long
as lean. ""True," said the Philosopher
shut goose CAM
- Thackery speaks of a place in
Ireland where the sense of elegance was
80 keen that the servants brought IN
the Goals for the parlor CRATE on clean
plate.
- A Down East paper, in putting
certain soap, says it is the ''best ever
used for cleaning dirty mans face.
We have tried it and therefore we
know"
- The Troy editor who published
liat of "old maids" is in Jail, for libel
and troop of the fair illuminated pa
-rade before the window of his cell with
smiles and sneers upon their faces.
- Prentice says the Radicals of
Tennessee talk of buildinga new man
eions for Brownlow. His father, the
Devil, has one already for him--well
protected from the cold.
- The scene is laid in first-class
hotel :-Traveller-I desire to be call
ed at six o'clock. Clerk with gold
chain)-if you will ring the bell at that
hour one OF the boys will attend to your
case.
DO you really love me?' asked a
blushing maiden of her demonstrative
lover Love you? Does kitten love
q warm brick? Does Frenchman love
frogs? Does Jack-donKey love this
Ties Answer me that
- 1t is reported that very nervous
gentleman once announced a steamboat
explosion to the Connecticut Legisla-
ture as follows: "Spister Meeker and
lodges of the memberslature the Eli
yer ellsworth has billed her buster"
- II going uncovered indicates
feyerent spirit, as is claimed in some
countries, many of our ladies in fash
ionable circles are patterns of rever-
enee. They are head and shoulders in
advances of the world in general.
-'Bfddy.' said lady, Il wish
you would step over and see how old
VII ~ OuCo 10 bttiS Ill u 1t W
minutes Blddy returned with the infor-
nation that Mrs. Jones was just seven
ty two years seven months and two
days old.
- "a Distressed Mother" writes to
the Allentown, Pa.) Democrat for
advice, which she gets thusly: "The
only way to cure your son of staying
out late o'nights,' is to brake his legs
n alan mt tho kool innf ha xxith 70
do yonr housework.
Did you ever see an elephants
skIn,' asked the master of an infant
school in fast neighborhood. II have
shouted a six-year-old at the foot of
class where p inquired the old man,
amused by his earnestness. On an ele- |
phant,' was the reply.
Two persons wrangling at a |
hotel about their propensity to sleep,
one said to the other Gas soon as you |
lie down you don't know any thing I'M
till you get up ""Well, J" was the reply,
ssthat's better than not to know any,
thing after you do get up"
A prisoner, who had received no
tice that he was to die the next MORN
ing, was asked by some of his unfortu-
nate companions to share their repast
WIN IIC dIicWcItus II never
eat any thing that I expect will not
digest"
- Punch gives a domestic scene
called "The Table Turned" in which
a little girl and her. mamma are in the
drawing room, nurse just entering.
N,trSe-Did you ring ma'am? Naughty
Little Girl No; rang. Take mamma
away, please. She's very cross and
-"What do you call this?" said Mr..
J ones Smith, gently tapping his break
fast with his fork. @Call it,?" snarled
the landlady, "what do you call it2"-
"Well really" said Smith, 81 don't know
There is not hair enough in it for NOR
ter, but there is entirely too much if it
Is intended for hash."
- A man advertised fora wife, and
requested each candidate to enclose her
Carte de visite, A spirited young lady
wrote to the advertiser in the follow,
ing terms "Sir do not enclose my
carte, for though there is some author
ity for putting cart before horse, |
know of none for putting one before an
ass"
LITERARY GREGoRY-INEs.-The local
editor of the Lynchburg Republican is
Of the name OF e. Gregory, and lac gets
OFF these
We know where they sci! the meanest |
cigars in town; and if we are not bribed |
10 keep quiet, we intend to publish the
name of the guilty party.
"CoL. Moss, late of Missouri" has
and now for the first
lime in his life, soe est man
We can hardly believe its true that
when Summers head struck the plat
'orm, the other dav, he exclaimed Hen
ne miserm thought Brooks was Dead
Hog and Harmony-A pig squeal-
ng under garden gate.