Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-03-15

It is my opihion,l however, in absence
Of all positive proof as to the originatOrs
that the one supported blythe most direct
evidence is in favor of the Aztec race. Al
SOME future dayI may present to the So
ciety some remarks on newly discovered
stFuetdfeSin Arizona 'iis~ = u dQ -.
Il IS From the New York Express.l = ~
BaFnuIn.s First Speech In Con-
i.Ahs 7ih+s' $50 gress.l - i3ir 45r s.i
.... 25a..e' tBy Spiritual Telegraph 7 40 80
Mr., P, T, Barnnm will find the House OF
Representatives a most excellent adYertis-
ing medium, In, case he is elected to Con-
gress., He win certainly not forget the
high duties to his country devolving upon
him, and it will be a pity if he forgets his
private worldly affairs-a genuine pity if
his justly famed sagacitY fails to point out
to him how he can dovetail business and
patriotism together to the mutual benefit of
himself and the Great Republic. I am in
formedlby the Spirits that his first speech
in Congress will be as follows:
| Mr.. Speaker What do we do with dis
eased limb? Cut it off What do do with
a diseased curiosity ? Sell himl What do
we do with any speculation of any kind
whatever that don't pay? Get rid of it,
get out of it, OF course. Simply because
] have got the most superb collection of
curiosities in the world-the grandest mu-
the dwarf elephant, Jenny Lind, and the
only living giraffe on this continent, (that
noble brute which sits upon its hams in an
attitude at once graceful and picturesque,
and eats its hay out of a second story Vim
.dOw)-because have got these things, and
because admission is only thirty cents, chill
idren and servants halt-price, open from
sunrise till 10 P. NJ peanuts and all other
luxuriess of the season to be purchased in
any part of the house-the proprietor, at
enormous expense, having fitted up two
peanut stands, to each natural curiosity
because have got these things, shall revel
in luxurious indolence when my voice
should sound a warning to the nation?--
Mol. Because the Wonderful Spotted HUI
man Phenomenon, the Leopard Child from
the wilds of Africa, is mine, shall 1 exuIt in
my happiness and be- silent when my
IcOuntry's life is threatened?. No! Because
the Double HuBchbackedi Bactrian Camel
takes his oats in my menagerie, shall sur
felt with bliss and lift not up my voice to
save the people? No! Because among
my possessions are dead loads of
laya Mountain Bears, so interesting to
Christian families from being mentioned in
the Sacred Scriptures, Silver striped Hy-
enas, Lions, Tigers, Leopards, Wolves,
Sacred cattle from the sacred hills of New
Jersey, Panthers, Ibexes, Performing
Mules and Monkeys, South American
Deer, and o-forth, and so-forth, and So
silence, aud leave Columbia to perish? No!
Because have secured the celebrated Cor
don Cumming collection, consisting of oil
portraits of the two negroes and child
who rescued him from impending death,
shall wrap me in mute ecstacy and let my
country rush unWarned to her destruction?
Mol Because unto me belongs the mon
ls.-.. Co L.
and four living speckled brook, trOuts,
weighing 20 pounds, shall these lips sing
songs of gfadness and peal no succoring
cry unto a doomed nation No! Because
have got Miller's grand national bronze
portrait gallery. consisting of two plasters
of Paris Venuses and vanished mud
turtle, shall bask in my own bliss and be
mute in the season of my peoples peril
No Because j, possess the smallest dwarfs
In the world, and the Nova Scotia giant
ess, who weighs a ton and eats her weight
every forty-eight hours and Herr Phelim
O'Flannigan, the Norwegian giant, who
leeds on the f,dWarfsy and ruins business;
and the lovely Circassian girl; and the eel
ebrated Happy, family, consisting of ami
mails of the most diverse principles and
dwelling together in peace
and nnity,s and never beheld by the relig-I
ious spectator acquainted Eden before
the Fall, without emotions too. profound
for. utteranee; and the 250,000 other curios-
tiles, chiefly invisible to thenaked eye-aIl
to be seen for the sum of 30 cents, children
and servants half price -staircases arrang-
ed with special reference to limb displays
shall Thug my happiness to my soul and
fail1to cry aloud when behold my country
sinking to destruction and the grave? No!
.--a thousand times No! ed .s.io5s -ol-......
& Mol Even as one sent to, warn. ye of
fearful peril. cry help! help J! for the
land! l appeal to you-and- to
you-and to you, sir--to every true heart
in this august menagerie! Demagogues
the Goddess of Liberty !-they
beard the starry-robed woman in her cita-
del and to you the bearded woman looks
for succor! Once more grim treason towers
in our, midst, and once more helpless 10y
atty scatters into, corners as do the dwarfs
when the Norwegian giant strides among
them The law-naking power and the.
Executive are at daggers drawn. State af-
ter State filings defiance at the amendment,
broken Bro up, up WOE W6eis nnef me-! y 'ns oi0n Is
Where is the poor negro? How hath he
Jared? Alas! bis Regeneration is incom-
plete he is free, but he cannot vote: We
have only made him white in spots, like
my wonderful Leopard boy from the wiids
of Africai 'Ye promised him universal
suffrage, but ye have given him universal
The country is fallen! The boss monkey
sits in the feed tub, and the Tom cats, the \
and the gentle rabbits OF the once
happy family stand helpless and atar off,
aud behold him gobble the provender in
the pride of his strength! Woe is mel ~
All, gentlemen, our beloved Columbia. |
with these corroding distresses upon her,
must soon succumb! The high spirit will
depart from her eye, the bloom from her
cheek, the majesty from her step, and she
will stand before us gaunt and worn, like
my beautiful giantess when my dwarfs and
Circassians prey upon her rations! Soon
we shall see the glory of the realm pass
away as did the grandeur of the Museum
amid the consuming fires, aud the wonders
the world admires shall give place to triv-
iSlities, even as in the proud Museum the
that once amazed have given place
70 cheap stuffed reptiles and peanut stands
Woe is mel "
r., o, spirit of Washington {! forgotten in
these evil tihaee, thou art banishet to the
dusty corridors of memory, a staring effigy
of wax, and none could recognize thee but
for the label pinned upon thy legs! o,
shade of Jackson! O, ghost of gallant La
fayette! We live only in museums. and the |
sublime lessons of your lives are no longer
needed by the slumbering nation! Woe is
me! tl--H.. = =. $50
=. Grouse ye, my people, rouse We ! rouse
Fe! rouse yeI Shake off the fatal stupor
,hatis upon ye, and hurl the usurping ty-
-ant from his thronei Impeach! impeach! |
mpeaeh! Down with the dread boss mon
key!r o, snake the seditious miscreant out
If the national feed-tub and reconstruct |
he Happy Family
Such is the speech as impaired to me in
Idvance from the spirit land.
MARK TWAIN.