The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-25

THoUGHr IT WAS FOURTH OF JULY.
Mistaking thanksgiving day for tho
Fourth of July is about as big blunder
as we have known in a long time. Tho
police picked up man last night who
YVES laboring under that hullucinalion.
Ho had an old mnskct, and was loading
ard firing, with vocicrous yell !or "our
(hic) glor's in'crpcn'ancc." He had
collected knot ofpeople near the Fifth
street Market, to whom he delivered an
Grafton somcthing after the following
fashion
"Fcll"r cit 'zcne, The day we have
met to celebrate this evrnin' is ckal to s.
(hic) whole week OF or'nary days. IN
is cr day our iulathcrs fit Bunker HilT'
Monument the day Gcn'ral jackson
licked the Bri'si, with New leans m las
srs and cotton bale tho &ay George
Washington cut down his fathers cher
ry tree to build 70 July (hic) bonfire
the day American flag hauled down
Gcn'ral Dix and shoo(hic)oot i'm OH the
spot the day we pay income tax; The
day Horace Greeley balcd out the
Bos'n tea party, the day we celebrate.
Waat would l been if hadn't been fer
EFo' Jnly?'
\ voice Been sober. maybe"
She I'm champion Of 'mcrican
liberty. III wrap myself in star-Span-
givd ban'r, mount the 'mcr'n eagle,
swing loft cap Of er Goddess Di Liberty,
and (hic) soar-l say I'll soar
Man in the crowd You'll be sore
enough tomorrow morning
Wra,h!ul at the interruption, ,ho
chamYion Of American liberty brought
his patriotic oration to an abrupt close
and "wcn Tor him. The police inter-
tered, and led the iratc orator away
He insisted that lie was celebration.
and declared that they had no business
to arrest an entire anniversary i'll that
manner. = Ctacinna,i Times.
KIND ENouIRlEs.-Cousin Kate
-Was sweet widc-awake beauty of
about seventeen, and she took it into
her head to 60 down to Long Island to
&c some relations Of hers who had tho
! misfortune TO live there. Among
those relations there Glanced to be
young swain who had seen Kate on u
previous occasion, and seeing, fell
deeply in love with her. Tic called
at the house Oh the evening Of her az
rival, and she met him on the piazza
where she was enjoying the evening
air i'll company with two or three OF
her friends.
The poor follow was so bashful that
he could not find his tongue for some
time. At length he stammcrcd out.
flows your mother 2
Quite well, thank YOU
Another silence on tho pass of Josh,
during which Kate and her friends
did the best they could to relieve the
monotony. After waiting about ff-
teen minutes for him to commence to
make himself agreeable, lie again
broke spell by
IloV your father. p which was an
swercu uch after the same fashion as
tho iir@t nc, and then followed anoth-
er silence like the other.
EIIow's your father and mother p
again putGn the baShful lovor.
quite well, both of them. This
was followed By an exchange of CLAN
ceS anu suppressed smile.
This lasted some ten minutes moro,
during which Josh was tidgcting in
his seat and stroking his Sunday.
But at length another question
came
SLOWS your parcnts2
This produced an explosion thaS
made the woods ring.
a
WANTING FRIENps.---'I wish thatI
had somc good friends to help me on
in life.'
"Good friends! 'Why, you have
ten" replied his master
,"l'm sure / haven't half so MANY,
and those | have arc too poor to help
me-"
Count your fingers, my boy."
| Dennis looked at his large strong
hand.
"Count thumbs and ALL"
81 have, there arc ton, ,'said the lad:
"Then never say you have not ten
good friends able to help you on in
life. Try what those true friends can
do before you begin grumbling and
tretting because you do not got any
help from others''
"Whatao you call tins 2" said Mr.,
Sones Smith, gently tapping his break
fast with his folk.
Call it." snsrled the landlord, "what
do You call it?"
We'll, really" said Smith, "T don't
know. There is not hair enough in i
for mortar, but there is entirely too
much if it is Intended for hashl'
----.-----.s .e--------.
CURE FOR Cold FEEr.-Wo nre assured
ay one who has given the experiment $50
trial, that cold feet, and especially those
superlativoly frigid feet that arc kept chill