The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-04-01
THE CAUDLE CURTATNIFCTURrS


{ Ten. Candle Remonstrates-
"You ought to have had a slave, yes.
a black slave, and not a wife. Pm sure
I'd better been born a negro at once
much better. WHAT'S TIE matter aoIp :
Well, like that. Upon my life, Mr..
Caudle, that's very cool. 1 can't leave
the house just 10 buy a yard of ribbon,
but you storm enough to carry the roof
OF. You didn't StOrHS-yolr only spokasS
Spoke, indeed! No, sir; I've not such
supertne feelings, and don't cry out
before I'm hurt. But you ought to have
married a woman of stone, for you feel
for nobody: thatis, for nobody in your
own house only wish you'd show
some OF your humanity at home, IL ever
"What do you say? Where's ny
LeeGtngs, to 50 a shopping at night :
When would you have me go? In the
broiing sun, making my face like a
gypsyis. 1don't see anything to laugh
at, Mr.. Caudle; but you think of any
body's face before your wife's. Obi
that's plain enough, and all the world
Miss Prettyman's face-noW, now. Mr..
Caudie! What are you throw ing your
self about for? I suppose Miss Pretty-
man isn't SO wonderful person that
she isn't to be named? suppose she's
flesh and blood. What? You don't
NtsOG L4d KNOW LnAI.
What, Mr.. CaudleP You'u hare a
separate rooM-youW not be torhented
IA this manners No, you won't, sir
not while 1'm alive. A separate roomI
And you call yourself a religious man.
Mr.. Caudle. I'd advise YOU to take
down the Prayer Book, and read ovef
the Marriage Service. Aseparate room,
indeed! Caudle, you're getting quite a
heather. Aseparate roomI Well, the
servants would talk thenI But no; no
man-not the best that ever tTod, Cau-
dle-should ever make me look so con-
temptible. 4 -s.-
Il shan't go to sleep; and you ought
TO know me better than to ask me to
hold my tongue. Because You come
home when I've Just stepped ought to
DO little shopping, you're worse than
fury. 1 should like to know how
many hours sit up for you'll What do
you say? Nobody I0Gnts me to sat ups
Ha! that's like the gratitude of men
just like 'em! But poor woman can't
leave the house, that-what7 Why can't
4 go at reasonable hoarSs Reasonab BILE!
What do you call eight o'clock9 If 1
went out at eleven and twelve, as YOU
came home, then you might talk: but
seven or eight o'clock-why it's the
cool OF the evening; the incest time to
enjoy walk, and. as say, doa little
bit of shopping. oh, yes, Mr.. Caudle,
do think of the people that are kept
in the shops just as much as you; but
that's nothing at all to do with it. 1
know what you'd have. You'd have
all those young men let away from the
counter to improve what you please to
call their minds. Pretty notions YOU
pick up among a set of free-thinkers.
and don't know what When L was
a girl, people never talked of minds
Intellect, L believe you call il. Nom
sense! new tangled thing, just come
up; and the sooner it goes out the bet
ter.
Don't tell met What are shops for,
If they've not to be open late and early
too? And what are shopmen, If they've
not always TO attend upon their custo-
mers3 People pay for what they have,
l suppose; and ar'nt to be told when
they shall come and lay their money
out, and when they sha'n'tY Thank
goodness! If one shuts, another keeps
open; and 1 always think it a duty 1
owe TO myself to go to the shop that's
open last; it's the only way to punish
the shopkeepers that are idle, and give
themselves airs about early hours.
Besides, there's some things like
to buy best at candle-light. oh, don't
talk to me about humanity! Humani-
ty, indeed. for pack of tall, strapping
young tellows-some of 'em big enough
TO be shown for giantsl And what have
they to do? Why, nothing but to stand
behind counter, and talk civility,
Yes, know your notions; You saw ey-
erybody works too much. Tknow that.
YOU'D have all the world do nothing
halt It's time but twiddle its thumbs,
or walk in the parks, or go to picture.
galleries and museums, and such nom
sense. Very fine, indeed; but, thank
goodness! the world isn't come to that
pass yet.
"What do you say am, Mr.. Caudle?
a FOOLISH trondH, that can't look beyond
my ol01i fres(deS Oh, yes, 1 can; quite
as far as you, and great deal farther.
But can't go out shopping a little
with my dear friend, Mrs. Wittles-
what do you laugh att Oh, don't they
Don't women know what friendship Isl
Upon my life you've u nice opinion of
usl Oh, yes, we cun-we can look out
side of our own tenders, Mr.. Caudle,
And If we can't, it's all the better for
our families. A blessed thing it would
be for their wives and children if men
couldn't, either. You wouldn't have
lent that five pounds-and dare say a
good many other five pounds that /
know nothing Off you-a lord of the
creation !-had half the sense woman
have. You seldom catch us, believe,
lending i've pounds. should think
not.
''No; we won't talk of it Tomorrow
morning. You're not going to wound
my feelings when 1 come home, and
think I'm TO say nothing about 1t. You
have called me an inhuman person !;
You have said that have no thought,
no feeling for the health and comfort OF
my fellow creatures / don't know
what you haven't called me; and only
for buying a-but 1 shan't tell you
what; no, / won't satisfy you there
but you've abused me in this manner,
ana only for shopping up to 10 o'clock.
You We great deal of fine compassion,
you navel I'm sure the young man
that served me could have knocked
down an OK; yes, strong enough TO lift
a house; but you can pity him-oh,
yes, you can be all kindness for him,
and for the world, as you call it. o
Caudle, what hypocrite you are.
only wish the world knew how you
treated your poor wifel
"What do you say? For the love of
mercy let you sLeePS Mercy, indeedl
wish you could show a little of IT to
other people. Oh, yes, 1 do know what
mercy means; but that's no reason I
should go shopping a bit earlier than
do-and won't. No; you've preached
this over to me again and again; you've
made me go to meetings to hear all
about IL; but that's no reason women
shouldn't shop as late as they choose.
us all very fine, as say, for you men
TO talk TO us at meetings, where of
course, We smile and ali that-and
sometimes shake our pocket-handker-
chiefs-and where you say we have the
power of early hours in our own hands.
To be sure we have and we mean 10
keep it. That is, 1 do. You'll never
catch me shopping tin the very last
thing: and-as a matter of principle
I'll always go TO the shop that keeps
open latest. 1t does the young men
good TO keep 'em close to business.
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