The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-08-08
Artemus ward.-A RemInIscence by
Mark Twain.

I bEOukul AelLtIS Vi AAtAOAA1blSA
mutual friends in San Francisco, and
by Invitation I breakfasted with him.
| It was almost religion there in the Sill
yer mines to precede such meal win
| whisky cocktails. Artemus, win the
| true cosmopolitan instinct, always de-
ferred to the customs of the country ne
| was in, and so he ordered three OF tnose
abominations. Kingston wRs present.
/ l am match for nearly any beverage
| YOU can mention except II whisky COCK
| tail, and therefore l said would rath-
er not drink one. said 1t would go
/ right to my head and confuse me so
| that would be in a helpless tangle in
ten minutes. 1 did not want to act like
| n lunatic before strangers. But Arte-
mus gently insisted, and l drank the
| reasonable mixture under protest,
| and felt all the time that was doing a
thing might be sorry for. In q min
ute or two began to imagine that my
ideas were getting clouded. waited
in great anxiety for the conversation
to open, with a sort ofvague hope that
my understanding would prove clear,
after all, and my misgivings ground
less.
Artemus dropped an unimportant re-
mark or two, and then assumed look
of superhuman earnestness, and made
the following astounding speech. He
said:
"Now, there is one thing I ought to
ask you about before forget 1t. You
have been here In Silverland-here in
NevRdA-two or three years, and OF
course your position on the daily press
has made 1t necessary for you to go down
to the mines and examine them care
fully detail, and therefore yon know
all about the silver-mining business.
Now, what 1 want to know isis.
Well, the way the deposits of ore are
made, you know. For instance. Now,
Il T kNa win d NfN1r
tains the silver is ssandwichedin between
castings of granite and runs along the
ground, and sticks up like a curbstone.
| Well, take vein forty feet thick, for
example-or eighty, for that matter, or
even hundred-say you go down on
1t with shaft-straight down, you
know, or with what you call an "in-
clined''-mayb you go down five hun
dred feet, or maybe you don't go down
but two hundred; anyway, you go
down, and all this time this vein grows
narrower, when the castings come near
er, or approach each other, as you may
| saV; that Is, when they do approach,
which ofcourse they do not always do,
particularly in cases where the nature
of the formation Is such that they stand
apart wider than they otherwise would,
and which geology has failed to Aac-
count for, although everything in that
science goes to prove that, all things be-
e4udlJ ~ "Oulut II ~ ullI duu
of course they are. Do not you think
IL is 2"
1 said to myself: "Now, I just knew
how It would be, that cussed whisky
cocktail has done the business for me;
l don't understand any more than a
clam" And then said aloud: IL
that is-if you don't mind, would you
would you say that over agaIn2 1
ought"
80, certainly, certainly. You see 1
am very unfamiliar with the subject,
and perhaps don't present my case
clearly; but L"
mo, uo-no-no-you state it plain
enough, but that vile cocktail has mud
died me little. But 1 will UNI do
understand, for that matter; but L would
get the hang of 1t all the better If you
went over it again-and Pl pay better
attention this time."
He said; "Why, what was after was
this" Here he became even more
fearfully impressive than ever, and em-
phasized each particular point by check
ing 1t of on his finger ends. "This
vein, or lode, or ledge, or whatever you
call it, runs along between two layers
of granite, just the same If If it were
sandwich. Very we'll. Now, suppose
you go down on that, say thousand
feet, or may be twelve hundred lit don't
really matter), before you drift; and
then you start your drifts, some OF them
across the ledge, and others across the
length of 1t, where the sulphurets-I
believe they call them sulphurets,
though why they should, considering
that, SO far as 1 can see, the main de-
pendence of miner does not so lie as
some suppose, but in which 1t cannot
be successfully maintained, wherein
the same should not continue while
part and parcel OF the same are not
committed TO either in the sense re-
-. El1,u. Il aE.,
cumstances the most inexperienced
among us could not detect it If 1t were,
or might overlook 1t If 1t did, or scorn
the very idea of such a thing, even
though 1t were palpably demonstrated
as such. Am I not right" Ha.
1 said, sorrowiully, 81 feel ashamed
of myself, Mr.. Ward, 1 know 1 ought
to understand you perfectly we'll; but
you see that Internal whisky cockta IL
has got into my head, and now cam
not understand even the simplest
proposition. I told you how It would
be.0
"oh, don't mind it, don't mind 1t; the
did think 1 was making 1t clear enough
for''-
Don't say a word. Clear! Why
you stated it as clear as the sun to any
body but an abiect idiot, but it's that
coniounded cocktail that has played
the mischief"
.'No, now don't say that; I'll begin it
all over again, And"-
Don't now; for goodness sake, don't
do anything OF the kind, because tell
you my head is in such a condition that
l dou't believe could understand the
most trifing question man could ask
me-"
"Now, don't you be afraid. I'll put
1t SO plain this time that you can't help
but get the hang of it. Well begin at
the very beginning. tLeaning far
across the table, with determined i'm
pressiveneBs wrought upon his
every feature, and fingers pre-
pared to keep tally OF each point, as
enumerated, and leaning forward with
painful Interest also, resolved to COM
prehend or perish. You know, the
vein, the ledge, the thing that contains
the metal, whereby it Constitutes the
medium between all other forces,
whether OF present or remote agencies,
SO brought to bear in favor of the
former against the latter, or the latter
against the former, or all, or both, or
compromising, as far as possible, the
relative differences existing within the
radius whence eliminates the several
degrees Of similarity, to which, II.
said: "Oh, blame my wooden head,
1t amt any use!-it amt any use to try
II can't understand anything. The
palmer you get 1t, the more can't get
the hang of it"
heard a suspicious noise behind me;
and turned in time 10 see Kingston
lodging behind a newspaper, and
quaking with a gentle ecstacy oflRugh-
ter. looked at Ward again, and he
had thrown off his dread solemnity and
was laughing also. Then 1 saw that
had been sold-that had been made.
Z . RRNsn,,