The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-07-17
Things. Wise and Otherwise.

uo u"o StoPPSN poeioiiho iho'
/ A wife once boastcd Of having cut
and made shirt for her husband. in
one day. Yes, replied u wag Of % fcl-
/ low, and he ,coro it out the nc&t.
Mrs. Partington hearing that
young man had setup for himself
poor fellow, said she, has ho no friends
that will set up for him .part of tho
time and she sighed to be young
again. :.
The last case Of modosty is that "
a young lady who discarded her lover
sea captain, because he said ho
huggod tho shore.
An incautious individual at Tcrro
ITaute, Ind, tho other day, after
smoking, put his pipo in his pocket
with package of powder. Flo was
seen shortly afterwards, in1uiring for
his coat tail and large pioco Of
brccchcs.
During 4 recent slander case thorc
was large number of ladies prcsont,
who caused II gentle murinuring all
| llc sWnllS. l. HC uoIlcI CallCu OuU IC-
peatedly, f'Silcncc!" whom tho Judge
mildly said ''Mr. Ushcr, don't you
know better than to call silence when
ladtcS arc in courtI'
A widowcr stepped into store in u
Western city whore mono but mourn
ing goods were sold, and inquired for
slato-colorcd gloves. Tho ovcr-nico
clerk informed him that only black
goods were sold in that room for
slatc-colorcd gloves he must step into
the 'tmitigatcd afIliction department"
| An old coquotto looking into glass,
and seeing her wrinkles, criod:
"This new glass is not worth n farth
ing. They cannot make mirrors as
we'll rs they used TO do"
When tho Princess Helena was
born, it was told tho Princess Royal
that she had gotta young sister. o,
that is delightful, cried little innocent
royalty, do let me go and tell mama.
Uanse, put dc cart into do horse,
and drive over dc steam boats till you
stopp against dc dock for dc peoples
have come, and dc rail road starts an
hour ago 'Yaw.'
A little girl, walking one day with
her mother in 4 grave yard, reading
one after another the praises of those
who slept beneath, said (: l wonder
where they bury tho sinners
| Oh yis! O yis! cried an Irishman
in tho street Il fow days since, ringing
abel, Lost, bctwanc twilvo O'Clock
and Mckinney's store on Market
street Il large brass kay. I'll not be
afthcr tolliu' yc what il was, but it
was the kay to the bank sure.
Some fellows have very inquisitivo
minds-for instance u follow who had
nothing to do yesterday morning rang
adoor bell in Arch street, and when
tho servant girl made her appearance,
asked her where her mistress got that
new bonnet she wore, as lie wished to
set his wife one just like it.
An Trishman won't fishine, and
among other things he hauled in, was
alargc sized turtle. 10 enjoy The
surprise of tho servant girl, ho placed
itin her bedroom The next morn
ing the first that bounced into tho
breakfast room was Biddy, with the
exclamation of--'bc Jabcrs, pvo got
the divil
what devil !? inquired Tho head Of
the house, fcigning surprise. ~
"Why, the bull bcd-bug, sure that
has been atein' tho children for tho
last two months
> During the trial of u suit in q
"down East" court, counsel took OK.
ccption to tho ruling on certain
point, and dispute arose:
elf the court please, I wish to refer
to this book n moment" said tho
counsel, picking up q large volume.
"Iherc's no uso in your picking up
any books" exclaimed tho Judge, an
grily, 81 have decided this point.o
81 know that" was the rojoindcr,
81 am satisfied Of that--but this is {.
volume of Blackstonc-I'm certain ho
differs with your honor, and only
want to show you what q darncd old
fool Blackstone was ~
"Ah! that indocdp' exclaimed the
court, smiling all over, ssnow you BE-.
gin to talk"
"l!ook hcrc boy" said nervous
gentleman to an urchin who was
munching candy at o lecture syou
are annoying mo very much" 'sNoI
amt ncithcr," said tho urchin, ssI'm
snawing this 'oro candy"
Why is q dead duck like q dead,
doctor Because they have both
stopped quacking. .
Il 60 through my worE," as tho noe.
die said to the idle boy. HUN
But not until you aroI bard puslod,"
as2the idle boy said to tho noodle. ,3