Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-09-25
THE BACHELORS ESCAPE.

| elOr that man was Major Teller. Some
men are born to Observation-Disclosures
have bachelorhood thrust upon them; and
to the former class belonged our Major.
You could have picked him out in mul-
titude Dit be had been labeled, like an an
tedeluvian fossil, or dried specimen of
etomology, there couldn't have been more
certainty in the matter
lie was dapper, thin little man, some
thing under five feet in height, with a
! glossy black wig, closely trimmed side
whiskers, and costume so daintI Y neat
that he reminded YOU of shining black
cat He took Turkish bath in the morn
ing. and a Russian bath in the evening :;
he came home to dinner at twelve pre-
ciscly. and went to bed at eleven at night,
with his boots standing at the foot of his
bed and his stockings at the head, and his
vic elevated on the gas-fiXtures, and eve
ry chair IN the room standing at right an
giles with the wall!
1t was high noon on a sparkling, windy
March day wher Major Teller came home
to the antique down town boarding home,
where he had vegetated for the las twenty
wears, and went to his room to brush his
wig for the midday meal. Opening the
door he stumbled over an obstacle in the
way.
"Oh, | BEG your pardon, Tn sure" said
the Major, turning very red, and recover
! ing his footing with difficulty.
1t was Miss Patience Pctigrew, on her
hands and knees, cleaning off the oi-cloth
at tie door
Now, the Major was afraid of Patience
-af:ail of her as the plump lamb fears
the guant wolf, or the unoffendirg robin
the dire serpent Miss Patience was tall
! lean and sallow. but she curled her hair,
and wore an artificial rose over her left
ear. and sang little whistling tunes to a
! little spinlle-eggcd piano, and firmly be
lieved that If she only waited a little long
er she should get married to somebody a.
And because the Major sat opposite her
at the tabe-'liss Patience helped her
widowed sister keep house, arl served
the gravy and sauces-and regarded her
artificial rose and bears grease carl with
sort of fearful fascination, Miss Patience
somehow opinioned that she should one
day, Cupid willing, become Mrs. Major
Teller!
dts of no consequence, Majc," said
Miss Patience, recovering her icce of
soap, which had skirmiShed out to the
middle of the carpet; Il hope your fire
isn't out -!
Thank you, ma'am, it is very ,ood.
81 90 wonder, "Maior," said Miss Pa,
tiencc, with premonitory giggls, "why
YOU never got married p
The Major retired precipitateIy behind
the coal scuttle, and made no reply.
You'd be so much more comfortable,
YOU know" added Miss Patience, wiring
ing out her wooden cloth, and looing so
lovingly on the Major that he ntreated
still further into his wardrobe where
among the swinging elfigies of co.ts and
trowsers he fe t comparatively safe.
Miss Patience hesitated momnt. and
in that moment the Major felt all tie an
ticipatory agouies of being pursued, cap
tured, brought forth and married before
he could get breath to demonstrate But
she finally took up her pail and vanished.
"Dcar me, that was narrow ecapc,"
thought our hero, emerging from his
sanctuary. "Some dav she'll be tonnuch
for me. Perhaps Id better change my
boarding place. Ycs--that will b, the
on ly safety. | suppose | couldn't very
we'll have her sworn over to keep the
peace, and really, there's no saying what
a determined woman of fifty might rot do.
I'll look out for a new place tomorrow"
"Dear me, Major, YOU have no lppe-
tite,' said Miss Patience, sNectly, 1t the
dinner table.
mo, ma'am," said the Major.
cry to eat little--just to please me,
/ Major
mo, thank You, ma am"
Don't you know, Major, people will
say, you are IN lore, you don't eat more !?
smiled the antiquatel spjnster.
This was more than our hero coud en-
dure he rose up and left our heroine tri-
umphant victory of the wordy field.
81 won't go back to that house i'll can
help it," thought Major Teller, brushing
the cold dew away from bis forehead with
a crimson silk pocket handkerchief. 'Hel
intentions are serious | know they are
And the Major in his innermost mind
reviewed the catechism and hymns he
had learned as child; irving to think if
there was not some invocation particular
~ suited 10 an elderly gentleman in rreat
peril and perplcxity, But he could not
remember anything appropriate to his par
tieular case.
ats twenty years since I've been II
the inside Of a church" thought the peni-
r tent old offender. 81 wish I'd gone little
more regularly wonder fits too late
: in life to reform p ... ...
For the Major poor old gentlemen, had
vague idea that religion would be {
sort of safeguard against the wiles of hi:
fair enemy. Deliverance from Miss Pa
tience Pettigrew must be obtained or
some terms or other.
As Major Teller was frantically revolv-
ing these things in his mind, he came to :
sudden and involuntary staEdstil. There
was crowd gathered in the street--f
fallen omnibus horse, or an arrested pick