Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1867-06-27
s;vit and apisapm.
IA little nonsense now and then,
Ia relished by the best Of men.'

A man who got drunk at an election
said it was owing to his efforts to put
down "party spirits"
Why is a prosy preacher like the
middle of a wheel? Because the fell
lows around him are tired.
Men are generally deserted in ad-
versity. When the sun sets, our very !
shadows refuse TO follow us
Why should young ladies make good !
rife volunteers Because they are /
accustomed to "bare arms"
What is idleness Working yellow
mountains on subsoil, or a blue tailed
dog in a sky -colored convulsion.
Jones complained of a bad smell
about the post office, and asked Brown
what could it be? Brown didn't
know, but suggested that it might bc
caused by the "dead letters"
A Clergyman was one day talking
to his landlord, Universalist, on the
personality of the Devil. A little in
credulous, the gentleman remarked,
II should like TO see the Devil"
"Can't you wait y was the quiet
reply.
Traveler-"Where does this road
90 to, friend Z"
Countryman-e1 don't know, sir. /
find it here when | come TO work in
the morning, and leaves it here at
night; but where it goes to in the
meantime, don't know"
A housemaid who was sent TO call
a gentleman to dinner, found him en-
gagged in using toothbrush. "Woll,
is he comingG" said the lady of the
house, as the servant returned. "Yes,
nam, directly" was the reply, shes
iist sharpening his teeth.
Dan Rice RENTED, in settlement of
account with newspaper out west,
three-dollar bill, which was returned
endorsed: This bill is counterfeit;
please remit another" 1t was two
months before Dan. replied, saying he
had been unable "until now to get
another counterfeit three-dollar bill" "
but hoped tho one he now enclosed
would suit.
An Idaho poet has been exasperated
by Indian depredations into the per-
petration OF the following:
Lo, the poor Indian whose unscrup'lous mind
steals our best OK, nor leaves horse behind
M 0 I. aa.I.r nrhf "a
Into our corral at close or break Of day.
Upon that cloud-t0pped hill all day be lies--
All night be steals what in the day he spies
Then hurries Oh his tillicunis to meet
Eating as they kill killing as they eat
They then once more their loyal squaws behold,
Enjoy connubia bliss, nor thirs, Tor gold.
To steal E not half their natural desire,
'Tis their delight to sec house on IRE,
And shoot the inmates who attempt to foe
Old Beelzcbub bears them company.
"Aud you have been married, Pat
rick, three times, havn't you J"
"Yos, indade, sir. J."
"And what do you say Of IL
Which wife was the best p
"Well, Becky 0'Brine, that / mar
ried the first time, was good woman,
too good for me; she got sick and
died, and the Lord took her. Then l
got married to Bridget Flanagan.
She was a bad woman and she got
sick and died, too-and the Devil
took her. Then, fool that | was, got
married to Margaret Hagarty. She
was worse, bad, very bad 80 bad that
neither the Lord nor the Devil would
have her, 50 l have to keep her my
self"
HAD ENOUGH or IT.-A funny mat
rimonial affair recently occurred near
Spirit Lake, Minnesota. A green
Justice married three couples in one
batch. and about four weeks after
) wards discovered that license from
the clerk OF the court was necessary
to make the ceremony legal, and be
lost no time in informing the parties
that they were still single, though
they had lived together the interven
ing time. The first couple were will
, ling TO risk the consequences the
, second consented to be remarked
while the third, having discovered il
, each other divers short comings
refused to have the knot re-tied--be
ing satisfied with one month OF matri
m6ny, aud glad to revert to single
blessedncss.
HReclson 1 couldn't strike trad
with you, squire, said genuine spe
, cimen OF the Yankee pedler, as b
stood at the door of merchant in 81
I Louis.
~ reckon you calculate about right
. for you cant no-ways.
+, "Wall, l guess you needn't get hun.
'beout it, Now, here's dozen gen
ooine razor strops, worth two dollar
: and half, you may have 'em for tw
, dollars"
II tell you / don't want any G
/ your traps, so you may as well be &c
ing along =.
avail, now, look here, Squire. Il
Q bet YOU twenty-five dollars that if yo
l make me an offer for them ere strops
;, we'll have a trade yet
/ "Done,n said the merchant, and h
staked the money. "Now," says he
chatiingly, an give you a sixpenc
: for the strops."
"They're your'n I" said the lanke'
G as he quietly pocketed the stake
"But," continued he, after a little r
Election, and with a burst of iranknes
/" IL calculate jokes a Joke; an
|. if you don't want them stNops, 1
trade back" The merchant locke
brighter. "You're not so bad chs
% after all, said he "Here are yo'