Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-03-09
SALMAGUNDI.

should die of woman.
 sa~ Henry Clay told Anna Cora Mowatt that kissing is like the Presi- dency, not to be sought and not to be declined.
 Ba@A sentimental young man thus feelingly express himself: 'Even as nature benevolently guards the rose with thorns, so does she endow women with pins
 Bay A fellow being awakened by the clerk ofa steamer, and told that he must not occupy the berth with his boots on, very considerably said "Oh, the bugs won't hurt 'em, I guess; they are an old pair"
 Bss" A fellow who was told that the best cure for palpitation of the heart was to stop hugging and kissing the girls, said: eff that is the only reme- dy which can be proposea, say, let Ter palpitate."
 BGs" In Washington woman shot a l 'iiuii cNNdaSC iiC uiN iiIt IiliTEN IltG Cincinnati another shot one because he 1 did. What can a bachelor do to save his bacon?
 1 A LOVE LETTER.-The very perfection ofa love letter, according to Rousseau, is that it should be begun without the writer knowing what he is going to say, and end without his knowing what he had said
 BeS@ A little girl, just past her fifth year, while chatting about the beaux that visited two of the sex in the same house, of more mature age, being asked, "What do you mean by bcaux, Annie 2'' she replied, "Why, I mean men that have not got much sense.'
 gS~A Frenchman who had been in India, speaking oftiger-hunts, pleasant ly remarks: "When ze Frenchmam hunts ze tigare, ah ze sport is grand, magnitique! but when ze tigare hunts ze Frenchman, oh ,! zere is zc very devil to pay!"
 Eas~ Some of the French newspapers speak of the Americah Minister, Gene ral Dix, in Paris as General Dixie.' Beast Butler is irreverently alluded to by the Portsmouth (N. I.) States and Union as ''the cock-eyed Hyena of New Orleans"
 B@g" A religious body having resolved to build a new church, the pastor went about begging very zealously, accepting not ,oinfy the wfasw hit the r,~Aild's, mite. In the Sunday school one sun day, while instructing them, he com pared himself to a shepherd, and then inquired what the latter did with his flock. One bright-eyed little fellow promptly replied, .Ie shears them"
 Bsy~ ''Sure," said Patrick, rubbing his head with delight at the prospects of a present from his employer, ''I always mane to do my duty"
 'I believe you," replied his employ CT, "and therefore l make you present of all you have stolen from me during the year."
 '.Thank yer honor," replied Pat, ''and may your friends and acquaintances trate you as liberally."
 EGEyasI say boy, is there anything to shoot about here?" said sportsman to q boy he met.
 "Well," was the reply, nothing just about here; but the schoolmaster is down the hill wonder, you can pop him over."
 gapA little four year old was told that God made him. Measuring of a few inches on his arm, he wrathfnlly replied:
 ''No, He didn't! God made mo little mite of thing, so long, and 1 growcd the rest myself!'
 BI- A gentleman in the springtimc of life, when walking with a lady, stum- bled and fell On resuming his per- pendicular, the lady remarked that she was very sorry for his unfortunate faux pas.
 sI didn't hurt my fore paws" said he, q only parked my,knee."
 Dsy~An Irishman entered & barber shop while drinking, ate with a brush a cup of lather, dug out the ball of soap at the lOttom of the cup, ate that, and sat down to warm his feet. A "How did you like your lunch asked a bystander.
 I Said Pat: The custard was Elegant, but by my soul I b'lave the egg was a little to long ill the wather!''
 Ey~ In the to--s of s. there was q shoemaker, who at tho time, officiated as preacher. He always wrote the mo- tices himself, in order to save the ex- penses of printing. Here is one of them:
 "There will be preaching in the pines this Sunday afternoon, on the subject; All who do not believe will be damned at o'clock"
 CAN MOTHER FORGET ?=Caii a mother forget? Not morning, noon