The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-12-14
Compiled BY OUR SERIES EDITOR.
DIR .sHAKESPEARIAN GALLERY.
By THE "rAT CONTRIBUTOR. {"
RICHARD III.


bereaving the family Of any person he didn't
like. He could provide funeral with a corpse
upon az short notice as any man in the busi-
ness. He couldn't be fooled in a bargain
born with his eye-teeth cut. His nurse let
him fall when he was an infant, and hump
back was the consequence.
Richard wasn't always king. He belonged
the royal family, to be sure but he was
poor at one time, and obtained seanty liveli-
hood by publishing an almanac. 1t was called
"Poor Richards Almanac" Old Ben. Frank
lin did his printing. Richard suffered great
discomfort in winter, and frequently alluded
to it, particularly if he had to go on the stage
anywhere. This winter of his discomfort was
only relieved by the visits of little son he
had in York, who made GLORIOUS summer"
for him even in the middle of January.
Growing weary of the Almanac business, he
determined to be King. He thought he could
run throne as we'll as his brother Edward,
who then had monopoly in that line. But
it was necessary to remove several people
before he could consummate his plans, and he
Immediately went about it with an energy
only exhibited by new administration in re-
moving Postmasters of opposite political faith.
He began with his brother Clarence, who stood
between him and the succession. Him he
caused to be sent to the Clover" which over
hired a couple of Niagara Falls hackmen, who
are ready for about any villainy, to go to the
Tower and despatch him. This they did after
holding lengthy discussion with him upon
the subject of the future punishment of the
wicked, which they conducted with singular
ability. They drowned him in a vat of lager
beer q beverage of which he was extravagantly
fond. Richard shed tears when he saw Cla-
renee tcds on has bter-said he always was
afraid it would carry him of. The hackmen
charged exorbtantly for the job, as they do to
this day at Niagara for anything they may do.
Richard had a love affair about this time
that produced great deal of gossip among
the court circles-that is to say, among the
circles that court. In addition to being hump
backed and bow-legged, he possessed other
qualities that would naturally render him
fascinating to women. One day, while taking
walk, he encountered small funeral pro-
cession on its way to the cemetery. 1t was
the final obsequies Of an old gentleman, whom
Richard had himself prepared for the mourn
full occasion by skilful application of his
dagger, having previously performed the same
friendly Office for the old gentleman's son,
Lady Anne's husband. The widow Anne was
chief mourner. Richard commanded the pro-
cession to halt and even offered to whip a
hack driver who showed a disposition to
move on.
When Lady Anne saw him she got out Of
her hack and berated him soundly for killing
her husband and her father-in-law, and OBJ
truding two funerals upon her so near to-
gether. But Richard was a good talker him
self He showed how much better they were
dead than alive-what world of care he had
removed them from-until she came to look
upon him as her best friend, and the result
was, Richard obtained permission to come and
sit up with her the very next Sunday night.
o woman woman But let us not tarry on
sentiment. 1t is history that we have to do
with now. Lady Anne became Mrs. Richard
the Third. She led very unquiet life with
him on account of his having the nightmare
30 much. He persuaded her to die one day,
because il cost so much TO live that winter.
He said 1t was positively necessary for him to
reduce his household expenses. She being an
economic woman, saw the force of his reason
ing, and Immediately expired, like an obedient
wife, as she was.
Richard was constaetly being called upon to
mourn the loss OF relatives. He wore a weed
on his hat about all the time. He was seen In
funeral procession oftener than anywhere
else, and his eyes were always red from weep
ing at the grave. King Edward died very sud
denly after an affectionate interview with his
brother Richard, leaving two sons and q
daughter. The sons were shortly afterwards
discovered smothered in their beds, caused by
being covered up too warm one frosty night,
by direction of their uncle Dick, who was ever
soicitous for their comfort. Richard then de-
termined TO mount the throne, there being no
reason why he mount Mt. There was a great
time on the day he was coronated. He set out
free lunch in the forenoon, and at night
there was grand coronation ball at the Skat-
ing Rink-single tickets, 81; tickets admitting
gentleman and two ladies', $3.50.
Once seated on the throne, he showed him
self the tyrant that he was. He was treache-
rous to his friends, and event back" on those
who had helped him TO power. One friend in
particular he caused to be beheaded, alleging
as an excuse that he had been playing faro
''buckiDg against the tiger" Every reader
will recall Richards words upon that ocoa
sion;-''Of with his head; so much for buck
iRg--ahemP
His tyranny becoming at length unendura
bic, the people rose against him (which Shake
speare calls 'the rose of the fair Staten, lee
by one Richmond, Virginian. Richard wen
energetlcally to work to put down the rebel
lion. lie made war speeches, instituted
draft, ana was the author of the famous "0I
to Richmond" articles that appeared in thu
New York Tribune during that period. HI
marched against Richmond and the result II
well known. The field of BosWorth proved ,
poor field for him, but it is different new
Isn't Boz t0Orth $4,000 a night, Dickens take Il
Some attribute the defeat of Richard 10 tn,
fact that he couldn't get ''another hOrsen III,
had one, but needed pair to trot against Rich
mond. Richard died, another example of tina
vaulting ambition which doth o'erleap itself
and falls upon the tOther side Of Jordan
Cincinnati Times.
SPIRIT OF the LONDON COMIC WEEKLl;S.