Litchfield enquirer., 1867-04-04
Miscellaneous Items.

Lettuce hence, he sadly said
 Carrots out the stoutest manhood
 Peas my wearied soul doth need,
 Bean Ol strife for me hereafter,
 Else my heart will go to seed"
 A gentleman was describing to Douglass Jerrold the story of his courtship and ma.- riage-how his wife had been brought up in convent, and was on the point of talk ing the veil, when his presence burst upon her enraptured sight, and she accepted him as her husband. Jerrold listened to the end of the story, and then quietly remarked, ''She simply thought you were better than nun.
 "I'm afraid you'll come to want" said an old lady to a young gentleman. T have come to want already" was the reply: T want your daughter.
 Father, are you going to see the race to day? Father, frightening up-"What race, my son?" "The human race," was the astonishing response. Husband to e-''Mary Ann, that boy will be an edit or vet" Wife-"God forbid" There is no doubt that of all the States the one in which the most earnest hearty prayers, are offered up for the Union is u e state of single blessedness.
 A young physician, asking permission of Q lady to kiss her, she replied: "No sir, I never like to have doctors bill thrrs! ill my face"
 USES OF ADvRRsIrY.-You wear out your old clothes
 You are not troubled with many visitors You arc exonerated from making calls Bores do not bore you. l Sponges do not haunt your table. l ltlnerant bands do not play opposite your window
 You avoid the nuisance of serving on ju- ries.
 No one thinks of presenting you with testimonial
 1 No tradesman irritates you by asking ''Is there any little article to day, sir?"
 Begging letter writers leave you alone 1mpostors know it is useless to bleed you:
 l You practice temperance. l You swallow infinitely less poison than others. | You are saved many debt, many a de ception, many headache And, lastly, if you have true friend in the world, you are sure, in very short space of time to learn it!
 Dr. Gross, the justly celebrated surgeon. was once dangerously i'll. Shortly after his recovery, he met one of his lady patients they are not always patient ladies, who re- marked to him, "Oh, Doctor! rejoice to see that you are out again; had we lost you our good people would have died by the dozen!' "Thank you," replied the affable doctor, but now, I fear, they will die by the Grossr'
 The Eyeing of Women by women is one of the most offensive manifestations of su- perciliousness now to be met with in socie- ty. Few observant persons can have fail ed to notice the manner in which one wo- man, who IS not perfectly we'll bred or per fectly kind-hearted, will eye over another woman whom she thinks is not in such good society, and above all, not at the time be- ing, in so costly dress as she herself is i'll. It is done everywhere-at parties, at church, in the street. Itis done by women ia all conditions of life The very servant girls learn 1t of their mistresses It is done in an instant.
 Who cannot recall hundreds of instances of that sweep of the eye which takes in at 8 glance the whole woman and what she has on from top knot to sboe-tie? Men arc never guilty of it, or with such extreme rarity, and then in such feeble and small souled specimens of their sex, that 1t may be set down as sin not masculine, or at least epicene. But women of sense, of some breeding, and even of some kindli- ness of nature, will thus endeavor to as- sert superiority upon the meanest of all pretences, and inhict wound in manner the most cowardly, because it cannot be re- sented and admits of no retort. If they but only knew how unlov4ly, how positive ly offensive they make themselves in so do- ing, not only to their silent victims, but to every generous-hearted man who observes their man@uvre, they would give up tri- umph at once so mean and so cruel, which is obtained at such a sacrifice on their part. No other evidence than this eyeing is need ed that woman, whatever be her birth or breeding has 8 small and vulgar soul- Galary