Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-06-01
SALMAGUNDI.

periious of all inheritances.
 sss- Of the vowels, is in bliss. is in hell and all the others in purgatory.
 nT Money brings friends the want of it frenzy.
 pST What was the greatest bet ever made? The alphabet.
 esg- When is a clock like a discon- tented workman2 When it strikes.
 B@ Why is lady's dress like a roast gooses Because it has been pasted.
 16- The greatest organ in the world is the organ of speech in weman-it's an organ without stops.
 Bss- A lady who saw shade on the brow of her lover, surmised that he had taken umbrage at something that she had said.
 nsg- A woman who abuses her hus- band won't let anybody else do it. It is too great luxury to be shared with another.
 R9- Which is the oldest, Miss Ann Tiquity, old Aunty Deluvion, Miss Ann Terior, Miss Ann Cestor, Miss Ann T. Mundane, or Miss Ann T. Ce- dent?
 rF Who were the first newspaper subscribers of whom we have any ac- count? Cain, who took A-Bell's Life and Joshua who ordered the sun to be stopped.
 sas- It docs not follow that two per- sons arc fit to marry because both are good. Milk is good and mustard is good, but they are not good for each other.
 sG- Courting is an irregular active transitive verb, indicative mood, pres- ent tense, third person, singular num- Der, and agrees with all the girls don't it2
 pT- The way they weigh hogs in Kansas is as follows: They first tie the hog to one end of a rail balance the rail on fence with rocks tied to the other end, and then guess how much the rocks weigh.
 BsE Where are you going so fast, MT. Smith?" demanded Mir. Jones. ''Home, sir, home; don't detain me, have just bought my wife new bon net, and I must deliver it before the fashion changes"
 D5g" There are three things woman cannot do--to pass bonnet shop with- out looking in, to see baby without kissing it, and to admire piece of lace without inquiring how much it was per yard.
 B- Don't wait for fortune to come. Hunt her up. Take off your gloves, yoar coat, and as wrestler, warm for the contest, engage in the strife for success, and you will find many who will acknowledge your claims, and who will find it to their interest to promote yours.
 The last man in Tennessee who sold negro slave at auction and took in pay ment therefor Confederate money is now one of the Radical candidates for Con- gress It is to work up just such ma. ter,al that the Jacobins passed the recon siruction act.
 nsy-It is proof that England, after thirty years wretched experience with negro suffrage in Jamaica, has come to its senses, and withdrawn that suffrage. The experiment of negro voting has satis- fled the government of England that the thing is not practicable.
 reAsSecretary Seward announces that ,'he will retire from public life as soon as the Southern States are represented in Congress" If that be the contingency of Stewards retirement, it will be long time, judging from present appearances, before he lays down his portfolio.
 p9-It is estimated that in the counties of Halifax, Spottsylvania, Franklin and Henry, Virginia, and Rockingham and Casswell, North Carolina, the tobacco now on hand is worth twelve million dollars. The crop of Spottsylvania alone is placed at three millions.
 HER FIIsT.-A lady says the first time she was kissed she felt like a tub of roses swimming in honey, cologne, and cranbcrries. She also felt as if something was running through her nerves on feet of diamonds, escorted by several little cupids in chariots drawn by angels, shaded by honey suckles, and the whole spread with melted rainbcws.
 eeg- A friend of ours, says an ex- change, visiting neighbor, found him disabled from having horse step upon his foot. Hobbling out of the stable, the sufferer explained how it happen ed: q was standing herc," said he, '.and the horse brought his foot right down on mine." Our friend looked at the injured member, which was of the No. 14 pattern, and said, very quietly, ''Well, the horse must step some where.'
 PosT-OFFIoE EEvELoPEs.-B Business men are quite familiar with the printed indorsemcnt on the envelopes of busi- ness letters, requesting the postmaster, if the letter is not called for in ten days to return it. A Schenectady merchant has got up an improvement on this,