davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28
MARRIAGE AND LONGEVITY.

Bachelors die earlier than other men.
This is confirmed by DR.. Stark of the Reg
ister's office in Scotland, who finds that the
average age of married men over twenty
years is over fifty-nine years that is, mar
riage adds nearly one-third to the length of
life, as a general rule, BECAUSE
lst. Bachelors are always in state of
unrest, they feel unsettled.
I'd. If indoors after supper there is a
sense of solitarincss inducing a sadness, not
actual melancholy, with all their depressing
influence; and many, many hours in the
course of the year are Spent in gloomy mac,
tivity, which is adverse to a good digestion
and vigorous and healtbiful circulation.
Sd. His own chamber or house being so
uuinviting the bachelor is inclined to seek
diversion outside, in suppers with friends
in clubs which are introductories to intem-
perance and RIGHTEOUSNESS, or to those more
unblushing associations which, under the
cover of darkness, lead to speedy ruin OF
health and morals; and when these are gone
the way downward to an untimely grave ia
rapid and certain.
On the other hand. marriage lengthens q
mans life,
1st. By its making home inviting.
2nd. By the softening influences which il
has upon the character and the affections.
Sd. BY the cultivation of all the better
feelings of our nature, and in that proper
ton saving from vice and crime.
4th. There can be no healthful develop
ment of the physical functions of our nature
without marriage---it is necessary to the
perfect man for Divinity has announced
that it was "not good for man TO be alone,
5th Marriage gives laudible and hap.
pyfying object in life, the provision for wife
and childron, their present comfort and fu-
ture welfare, the enjoyment in witnessing
their happiness and the daily and hourly
participations 10 affectionate interchange ol
thought and sentiments and sympathy; these
are the considerations which .ntagonize
sorrow and Tighten the burdens of life, thu:
strewing flowers and casting sunshine al
along its pathway,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28
A TOUCHING PASSAGE.

How eloquently does Chateaubriand re-
ply to the inquiry, SIS there God 2"
"There is God The herbs of the val
ley, the cedars of the mountain bless Him;
the insects sport in His beams the ele-
phant salutes Him with the rising orbs of
day; the thunder proclaims Him in the
Heavens the ocean declares His immensi.
ty man alone has said, there is no God ?
Unite in thought at the same Infant the
most beautiful objects in nature: suppose
that you see at once all the hours Of the
and all the seasons of the year a morning
of spring and morning of autumn a
night bespangled with stars and a night
covered with clouds; meadows enameled
with flowers and hoary with snow fields
gilded by tints of autumn then alone you
will have just conception of the universe.
While you are gazing upon that sun which
is plugging under the vault of the West,
another observer admires him emerging
from the gilded gates of the East. By
what inconceivable magic does that aged
star which is sinking fatigued and burning
in the shade of the evening, reappear at the
same instant, fresh and humid with the ro-
sy dew of the morningl At every instant
of the day the glorious orb is at once ris-
ing, resplendant at MONDAY, and setting
in the West or rather our senses deceive
US, and there is, properly speaking, no East
West, North, or South in the world. Ev-
erything reduces itself to single point,
from whence the King of Day sends forth
at once a triple light in one substance.
The bright slleudor is perhaps that which
nature can present that is most beautiful
for while it gives us an idea of the perpet.
ual magnifcence and resistless power of
God, it exhibits at the same time shining
image of the.glorious Trinity
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

As one of the Dover, (England) volunteers
was passing along, rife in hand, he was ac.
costed by precocious urchrn who cried out /;
"Who shot the dog Z"
This saying our friend appeared by no
means to relish, So turning he said: a'
"If you are not Off very soon, I'll shoot
donkey" E'.' ---
Whereupon the boy, calling out to one OF
bis companions, ,reioined: l1
II say, Bill, look here this fellow 10 going
to commit suicide" '
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28
Nnehu,
A SNAKE IN THE GLASS.

A SNAKE IN THE GLASS.
BY JOHN G. SAKE.
Come. listen while to me, my lad,
Come listen TO me spell !
Let that terrible drum,
For O moment be dumb,
For your uncle is going o toll
What befel
A youth that loved liquor too we'll.
A clever young man was he, my lad,
And with beauty uDcommonly blessed,
Ere with brandy and wiR0
He began to decline,
And behave like person possessed,
1 protest
The temperance plan is the beet.
One evening he went to the tavern, my lad,
He went to the tavern one night,
And drinking too much
Rum, brandy and such,
The chap got exceedingly tight"
And was quite
What your aunt would entitle q "fright."
The fellow fell into a snooze, my lad,
IT'S horrible slumber he take--
He trembles with fear,
And acts very queer;
Ny eyes how he shivers and shakes
When he wakes,
And raves about great horrid snakes
IT'S q warning to you and me my lad,
A parti cular caution to all
Though no one can SEQ
The viper but he
To hear the poor lunat ic howl,
How they crawl
All over the foe and the wall !"
The next morning he took to his bed, my lad,
Next morning he took To his bed,
And he never got up
To dine or to sup,
Though properly ph ysiced and bledi
And read,
Next day the poor fellow was dead.
You have hearL oft { snake in the grass, my lad
Of tie viper concealed in the grass,
But you NIT know
Mans deadiiest foe
Is snake Of different class
Alas
IT'S the viper that turks in the glass!
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

When Wisconsin gal is kissed she looks
surprised, and says; ....... ...-t,
elbow could you %
To which the swain replies
st will give me great pleasure to show
you," and proceeds to give her duplicate.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

There lie hoax going the rounds Of the
press, that a negro in Virginia is gradually
turning white, which seems to amaze every
bedy. BIT thousands of white men have
turned niggers within the last few years
without surprising anybody.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

AT Fourth Of July celebration in Marion
county; ILL.,, young lady offered the follow
ing toast 1.-THE young men of America. -
Their arms our support our arms their re>
ward" Fall in, men-fall in.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

Here's the.bannisters, but where in the
deuce kre the stairs-as the drunken fellow
said while cropping his way around the bed>
stead in the dark.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

A country editor thinks that Columbus Ia
not entitled to much credit for discovering
America, as the country is 60 large he could
not we'll have missed il.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

An Irishman had left his native country
and sought an asylum in America because it
was q land of liberty, was attaked on his ar
rival, in December, by furious mastif. He
stopped to pick up stone to defend himself,
but the stone was frozen fast. "By my soul, J"
says Pat, "what swate country, where tn,
dogs are let loose and the stones tied FAST"
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

II your mothers mother was my mothers
aunt, what relation would your great grand
fathers nephew be to my eldest Brothers
son law.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

"What did you used to do, mamma, be-
fore YOU were married I" asked cherubie
four years old. "Well, my dear, had
very good time" "Ag good timeP he ex'
claimed, indignantly---"what, without me p
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

Never fret about what You can't help, be-
cause it won't do you any good. Never fret
about what you can't help; because ifyou
can help it, do 80. .'.'.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

A young lady, not at all addicted to affec-
tatiou, hearing gentleman remark in com.
pany, that all pretty girls who lisped liked to
be kissed, instantly answered, Tho rre
heard thay?
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

An old bachelors definition Of love: A
little sghing, little crying, little dying
and good deal of lying.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

Snibbs wan to know if doctors, by looking
at the tongue of wagon, can tell what ails
it. ss.- r.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

Longfellow's beautiful phrase, "suffer and
be strong" is now familiarly rendered, "grin
and bear it,.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

An Irishman remarked of lady who had
been very kind to him-"Bedad she's per-
feet gentleman" 80
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

A fine woman like locomotive, draws O
train after her, scatters the sparks, and trans,
ports the mails.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

Those ladies who have passion for tea
parties should remember that tattle begins
with T,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

scoldiug, says good for nothing old bach
elOr, is the pepper of matrimony and the Ia.
dies are the pepper boxes.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

Why are mikmen like Pharaoh's daugh-
ter Because they find little profit in the
water.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

What kind Of essence does young man
like when he pops the question: Acq uies>
cence,
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

The boy who lost his balance on the roof
found it on the ground shortly afterwards.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

The individual who was accidentally injur-
ed by the discharge Of his duty is still very
low. ..
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

A lady trampled on q dogs tail the other
day, and the animal bit her leg. Tie blood
did not fow, however only sawdust.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

A Cockney, seeing an urchin lying across .
leather, remarked that the boy could not zee
straish. because be was cross hide.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28
Wiss ami qtbermise.
The pleasure Of doing good is the only one
that never wears out, -.. .....s .......
Speech 10 silver, but silence 10 gold. Hence
the expression, hush money.

Little things do much" said the lion, when
released from snare by an humble mouse.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28
READ AN HOUR DAY.

There was lad who, at fourteen, was
apprenticed to soap-boiler. One of his
resolutions was to read an hour day, or
at least at that rate, and he had an old sill
yer watch, left him by his uncle, which he
timed his reading by. He stayed seven
years with his master, and said when he
was twenty-one he knew a. much as the
young squire did.-Now, let US see how
much time he had to read in, in seven
years, at the rate Of an hour each day. 1t
would be 1855 hours, which, at the rate Of
eight readings hours per day, would be
equal to three hundred and ten days; equal
10 forty five week; equal to twelve months;
nearly years reading. That time spent
in trcasuring up useful knowledge would
pile up a very large store. I am sure it is
worth trying for. Try what you eau. Be-
gin now. In after years you will look back
upon the task as the most pleasant and pro-
fitable you ever performed.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

G 'ThegeYiEorgottosp ospaes!hislins.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

WouLD't Own UP Joe Stetson was a
wild rolicking fellow, WHO spent most of his
time in drinking and spreeing, while his wife,
Polly, was left at home to do the chors.--
Upon certain occasion, Joe, left home to
be back, as he said, that night. Night
came. but Joe did not. The neqt day pass
ed. but, about sunset Joe came up in the
worst condition imaginable--his cloths
dirty and torn, one ey in deep mourning,
and his face presented the appearance of a
peice of raw meat than anything else.
Polly met hlm at the door, and noticing his
appearance exclaimed:
"Why, Joe, what in the world is the mat
ter?" .....
"Polly," said Joe, "do you know Jim
Andrews! Well him and me had fight
"Who whipped, Joe ?" aSked Polly.
Polly, we had the hardest fight you
ever did see. hit him and he hit me,
and then we clinched, Polly; amt supper
most ready9 l aiu't had anything since
yesterday morning"
"But tell me who whipped, Joe," con
tinued Polly. .. ,.a
"Polly," replied Joe, 81 tell you, you
never did see such fight as me and him
had. When he clinched me ljorked loose
from him, and then gin him three or fouI
of the most sufficientest licks you evel
herd of, Polly, amt supper ready2 I'm
| nearly starved" -... ..,
"Joe, do tell me who whipped" contin
ued Polly.
"Polly, replied Joe, ''you don't know
nothing about fighting" tell you VI
fought like tigers; we rolled and tumbled-
first him on top, then me on top-then thu
boys would pat me on the shoulder, an,
holler. Oh my? Stetson. We gouged
and bit, and tore up the dirt in Seth Run
ners grocery yard worser nor two will
bulls. Polly, amt supper most ready
Tn monstrous hungry"
"Joe Stetson? exclaimed Polly In ton
bristling with anger, "will you tell me VIII
whipped q
| "Polly," said Joe, drawings long sigh
iW houeyed!a
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28
1llgoming 4emotrat,

A Democratic week ly
,aper, devoted to Poll
sics News, the Arts
Sud Sciences &c. Pub
lshed every We dnes-
isy, at Tunkhannock
Wyoming County,Pa
BY HARVEY SlCKLER.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

A Member of the bar once entered the
Court Appeals ofNew York while a coun-
sellor was arguing an important case.
"Who is that gentleman addressing the
Court - said he, speaking to Charles Coon
nor, who was sitting near him. THAT sir.
is Daniel Lord, Junior, and he puts on the
JUNIOR, so that he may not be mistaken for
the Lord Almighty" 1t may be inferred
that these two professionals resembled neith-
er Damon and Pythias, nor Jonathan and
and David, in their affection for each other.
Wyoming democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Wyoming Co., Pa.) 1867-1940, 1867-08-28

Terms-l copy year, lin advance) $500; il
not paid within six months, $3.50 viii be charged
NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all ar
Aragesre paid; unless at the option of publisher.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-11-22
"A Repository Of Fashion
Pleasure and Instruction."
HARPER'S BAZAAR

The Publishers will commences. on Nov
LIST, the issue Of llarpcr's Bazaar, Il Weekly
Illustrated Family Journal, devoted to
Fashion and Homo Literature. Their aim
is twotold: to supply the existing need of
Il Weekly Fashion Newspaper, and to COM
hinc Herewith first class literary iourn-
al, which will be indispensable to every
household.
Arrangements have been made, at an
immense cost, with the most celebrated of
Fashion Papers of Europe, especially with
the famous Bazaar of Berlin, which supplies
the fashions to the leading journals of
Paris, to furnish the same to them in ad
vance. so that hcncetorth the fashions will
appear in Harpcr,s Bazaar simultaneously
with their publication in Paris and Berlin
an advantages enjoyed by no other journ-
al i'll the country.
The patrons of Harper'S Bazaar will re-
ceivc every fortnight large pattern plates,
containing from forty to fifty full sized
patterns of ladies, misses and children 5
bonncts, cloaks, dresses, under-clothing.
and other articles, accompanied with the
necessary descriptions and directisns, and
occasionally an elegant Colorcd Fashion
Plate Of the size of liarper's Weekly.
larper>s Bazaar will contain Is folia pa
geS Of the size of lIarper's Weekly, printed
on superfnc calendcrcd paper, and will
be published weekly
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-11-22
Lyons Periodical! Drops!
THE GREAT FEMALE REMEDY FOR.
IRREGULARITIES,

Thes. drcpsa. sce ,iically compounded nup
preparation, AID better than any lls, Pow lers
Nostr ms Being could, their actio9 is direct and
p sltve rendering reliable, sp, edy and certain
specific FIR the cure Of all Instructions and sup
pressions natar:. Their popularity Is indicated
by the fact that 100, 900 bottles annually
80 d and consumed by the ladies of the United
States, every one whom speai in the strongest
terms of p al OF their great merits. They rap
id taking the place every other Female Remedy,
and considered by all no X ow aught of them,
as the surest, safest, and most infalbe preparation
in the world, 70" the Of all female complaints,
the emoval Of all distractions Of nature, and the
promotion of health, regularity and strength. Ex-
plcit directions stating when they may be used,
and explaining when and why they should not. nor
could not be used without producing effects contra
ry TO natures CHI sen laws will be found carefully
folded Ground each bottle with the written sigma
ture of JOHN L. LYON, without which none genu-
inc.
Prepare by JOHN L. LYON, 1o5 chan..,. Street,
New Haven, Conn, who can be consulted eith.l
personally or by mail. enclosing stamp : CONCERN
ing all private di.ca and fema...s weaknesses.
gold ~ druggists Everywhere.
g. CLARK, / CO.,
'l'oyil Gen'l AgentR for U. s. and Canadas.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-11-22
"EnqucSti0nab bly, the best Slls-
tanned work Of the kind
i'll the World"
HARPER'S
Kew Monthly Magazine,
CrlTlcAL NorIcas OF THE PRESS.

CElTlcAL NorICEs OF THE PRESS.
The most popular Monthly in the world.
New York Observer.
We must refer in terms of eulory to the
high ton" and varid cxccllences of liar-
per Magazinc--a journal with month
~ clrcultti-n of about 40 900 copics-in
whose pages are to be found some Of the
choicest light and general reading of the
day. We speak OF this work as an evil
dense Of the culture Of the American Peo-
pie; and the popularity it has acquired is
mcritcl. Each Number contains fully
ia pages of reading-matter, appropriated
~ illustrated with good wood-cuts; and it
combines in itself the rary monthly and
the more philosophical quarterly, blended
with the best features Of thu daily journal
II has great power in the dissemination Of
a love ct pure literature. Turner's Guide
to American Literature London.
We can account for its success only BY
the simple fact that it meets precisely the
popular taste. furnishing variety Of
pleasing and instructive reading for nil
Zion Herald, Boston,
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-11-22
A Gard to Sensible People.

Rational reader, if the aspect of the
weather was uncertain, you would not be
foolish enough to venture out without an
overcoat or an umbrella. Heve the fore
cast, then, to protect yourself at this dam
gerous season with something more impor-
tant than either of these articles. Strength
en- your stomach and nervous system, reg
ulate your liver and your bowels, tone all
your organs, and cheer your animal spir-
it's with that agreeable cordial. tonic and
alternative, HOStetter's StOmac h
BitterS. SO shall you surely escape the
disease which fastcn upon the feeble and
the debilitated "Sutfcr and be strongn
says the proverb; but "Be strong that YOU
may not suffer- is the wiser maxim.-::ud
of all STRENGTHENING preparations this is the
| sa1es:., the surest, the most genial. AS a
remedy, as we'll as an antidote, for dyspep-
Sid, fever and ague, and liver disease, there
is no combination of vegetable specifics at
present known which even approaches it
in efficacy.
ANTICIPATE THE ENEMY.
The elements of innumerable diseases
are aaoat in this raw, damp, mephitic sea-
son. Will you defend yourself against them
or not, good reader That is the question.
A bottle or two Of the great defensive med
icine of the age, HOSTETTER'S BIT
TIERS, will so strengthen and brace up
your bodily powers as to enable them to
''laugh a siege to scorn." The morbid mat.
ter which is exhaled in perspiration
through your pores in summer, finds nc
such free egress now. A powerful con.
tracing agent is therefore needed and you
have it in HOSTETTER'S BITTERS
The neutralize the MATERIEs MoRRI from
which disease originates, and regulates al
the seoretive organs. Nothing can be more
harmless or more Notwithstanding 81
potent to prevent or cure billiousness, dys
pcpsia, fever and ague, constipation ant
general debility, as this wonderful cor
receive.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-11-22
PRODUCE & PROVISl ONS
Corrected Weekly by II Eaunitin-
MISCELL
ORIGINAL NOTICE.

CHRISTIAN GROSS, Plaintiff.
against
CATHRISE Gross, Defendant.
In the Distrsct Court Of Heard County,
Iowa: tHh,' Term, 4. b. 1868.
To SAID DEFENDANT
You arc hereby notified, that on or be-
fore the 18th day of November \. d. 1867.
there will be on file in the office of the
Clerk Of the District Court of Howard Co.
Iowa, the petition of the plaintiff aforc-
said, claiming of You divorce from the
bonds Of matrimony for the reasons in said
petition set forth ant specified, to-wit !:
Wilful descrtion and adultery. You are
also notified, that unless you appear there
to and defend, before noon of the second
day Of the term of said District Court OF
Howard County, to be held on the 2nd
Monday after the Bird Monday in January
A. d. 1868, Il default will be entered
against you, and decree rendered there
on as prayed for in said petition.
GOODRICH g. MEAD,
Attorneys for Plff.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-11-22

The above stoc; will be disposed of on the POPULAR
ONE PRICE PLAN, giving every patron a fine gold or
solid silver watch for $40, without regard to value!
Wright Bro. Co, l6l Broadway, New York
wish to Immediately dispose ofthe above magnificent
stock Certificates, naming the articles, are placed
in sealed envelopes, and well mixed. Holders are
entitled to the articles named in their certificate
upon payment of Zen Dollars, whetherit be a watch
worth 81 900 or one worth less. The return of any
Of certificates entities you to the articles named
thereon, upon payment, irrespective OF it, worth and
as, no article valued less than $40 is named on any
certificate it will at be that this is no lot
terry, but straight forward legitimate transaction
which may be participated in even by the most fas-
tidiouS.
single certificate will be sent by mail, post paid
upon recsipt Of % cents five for 81, eleven for 81
thirty three and elegant premium for s., siyty-six
and more valuable premium for $40, one hundred
and a most superb watch for Sl5 To agents or
those wishing employment, this Is rare epportupi-
~. It. is legitimately conducted business, duly
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for collection delivery, that no dissatisfaction
| can possibly occur. Try US. Address
WRIGHT, BROTHER CO., Importers,
n49m3l l61 Broadway New York