Columbia democrat and star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1867, 1867-02-06
Rules for COurttng.
Ely JOHN QUILL.

the guidance of my young friends You
see, had good many unsuccessful courts
before [ met my present wife-the females
whom [ loved having gone emphatically
back on me- But bless you, did it harm
me? No, it didn't; | was benefited there
by, and when l met my present love, /
knew the ropes, and gathering up my affec-
tions, made one fell swoop on Sally S heart,
and the door thereof banged wide open and
let me in. l will give you the rules, and
shed the sunny light of Illustration upon
them from my own life.
Ist. Never go counting the girl parents
You'd better edge up to the charmer her
self at once, for you can marry her, if you
try, unless she wants you, and you may be
able to even if the old folks are hard on
you.
This is the policy pursued by myself in
my last attempt.
I'd. By all means get the girls ma as
much down on you as you can. If the old
lady is always blowing against you, the little
dear begins to take your part, and can t
help loving you.
did this way, and my present mother
in-law used to throw brooms and wash
boards at me, and teach the dogs to bite
me- n. B-She's got over it now. and
lives at my house without paying board
If remorse fosters in her soul in consc-
quenee of her conduct, however, l haven't
noticed it yet.
81. If you see any other fellows prowl
ing around always euchre them if you can.
If you see one Of them buying tickets for
the opera, go right up and make an engage
ment with the girl, and get yours afterwards.
And when they visit the house always act
as if you were at home and they were only
visitors, and neUer leave first.
[ always did this, and have frequently
sat until day break, while the fair one snor-
ed away on the sofa. You can't bluff me.
No, sir. Ha ha guess not. l would
have been there yet if the fellows had
staid.
4th If the old man has worldly wealth,
express a dislike of greenbacks and hank
ering after love in small house.
5th. IF you are alone in the parlor you
may sometimes try whether yoGr arm fits
we'll her waist.
[ tried this once and called forth a pierc
ing scream, which induced her father and
two brothers to chuck me down the front
steps. So Be careful.
9th. When you inquire whether she viii
have you, don't fall en- your knees-it's III
diculous, besides being rough on trowsers.
just take her hand and speak out ike
man.
l behaved similar to this to female and
said 'Will you be mine p She replied,
rather abruptly, 'Not much, won't" 1t
is likely she would have been, little but
l didn't care about pursuing the subject
further
9TH. When you are engaged, don't go of
like an old jackass, and begin buying tea
spoons, and wash boilers, and cradles
Why, l recolect, L was so glad that /
went right off and purchased baby jumper
and gum ring. 1t was a long while ere
these things were necessary, and then the
baby jumper had shrunk so that when we
put the first of the little Quills into it, it
suddenly ierked up, and came frightfully
near battering the devoted child brains out
against the ceiling; while the gum ring,
having been kept in box with cockroach
poison, threw the baby irto fits, and he had
spasms in the crib for four days. 1t was
dreadful
Sth. If girl refuses you, don't give it
up, but try again. Because two negatives
make an affirmative in grammar however,
don't consider yourself accepted when
girl jilts you twice.
asked one female ferty-cne times, and at
last she got to expect it whenever l came.
and sometimes would holler out, No -
from the top of the stairs before got fairly
in the house. This is unusual, however.
let ne here remark
9Th. Kiss Ill the little children in the
house, even if they are dirty, and do smear
molasses candy through your hair. Let
the boys play horse with you, and make
fool of yourself generally. This always
works. It's a trump card If you play it
right.
10th. and finally IF there are two sis
t r., and the old one is jealous, get some of
your friends to choke her off, while you go
in for the younger.
I did that once, and used to get my
friends to ask the senior girl out every
evening, but she found me out, and used to
arrange hair pins in The sofa cushions be-
fore she went out, so that it was extremely
uncomfortable.
Thus it is to be seen that when courting
is alluded to, am right there, and if any
further information is wanted, send me
letter, enclosing stamp fifty cents, and 1
ILL al IL 10 - c.rn+;