The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-09-11
SPICE

. SpICE.- =.
= Not many days ago a young lady from
the country went into the store of mer-
chant not a thousand miles from Colum-
-bia, and asked if he wished to purchase
a couple of chickens, at the same time
throwing pair of live ones on the coun-
ter.
"Why, yes,' he replied; ''but will
they lay there" meaning would they re-
main n>the counter for a few moments.
Lay there - archly retorted the rus
tic beauty; No sir ?" they lay nowhere.
Them's roosters !"
|. A young man who attended church in
Minneapolis, Minn., last Sunday. went
to sleep during the service. and while
sleeping, suddenly arose TO his feet, and
with gestures exclaimed, 81 won't do it |!
am going to bed !" lie was prevented
from retiring in so public place by be-
ing awakened.
! a young and pretty girl stepped into
a linen-draper's shop, where a spruce
young man, who had long been. cram
.ored of her, but dared not speak, stood
behind the counter. In order to remain
as long as possible, she clrcapcned every
thing. At last she said, 81 believe you
think Lam cheating YOU" "Oh, nc"
said the young man, ITO me you are al
ways fair" 8WeN," whispered the lady,
blushing as she laid an emphasis on the
word, x would not stay so long bargain
ing, if you were not so dear!'
A lady asked n minister if she might
pay-attcntion to dress and fashion with
out being proud, Madame" replied the
minister, "whenever you see the tail of a
fox out of a hole, you may be sure the
fox is there ALSO
How do you aud your wife getalong?"
"Oh, rather badly; she gave me her
hand year ago, and thanked her; but
she gives it to me now every timeq dare
to speak, and I'd thank her not to-"
4 punster says: My name is Sum-
mcrset. am miserable old bachelor.
cannot marry; for how could hope to
prevail on young lady possessed of the
slightest notion Of delicacy to turn SUM-
merSet
Lucy Stone once said: There is cot
ton in the ears of man, and hope in the
bosom of woman. Lucy made mistake
and got the cotton in the wrong place.
The fellow who was told that the best
cure for the palpitation of the heart was
to stop hugging and kissing the girls,
said. If that is the only remedy which
can be proposed, say, let 'er palpitate.
SECOND LovE.-Do you believe in Sec
ond love, Mr.. Goahead?" 2" "Humph! if
a man buys pound of sugar, isn't it
sweet? and when it is gone, don't he
want another pound? and isn't that
sweet, too? Troth, Murphy, I believe
in second love-"
A young lady in San Antonia thinks
of going to California to get married, for
the reason that she has been told that in
that country the men folks ''rock the era
de-" Her heads right.
Woman is like ivy,-the more you are
ruined, the closer she clings toyou. A.
vile bachelor adds, "Ivy is like woman
the more it clings to you, the more you
are ruined" Poor rule that don't work
both ways.
A lover, writing, to his sweet heart,
says: =
"Delectable dear-you are 50 sweet
that honey would blush in your presence,
and molasses stand appalled,"
A young man in Texas, named Harry
Turn, recently married his cousin Of the
same name, on the principle that Zone
good turn deserves another"
Old bachelors over thirty are taxed
ten dollars, over forty, fifty dollars, over
fifty, sixty dollars, and sentenced to
banishmcnt in Utah.
My German friend, how long have
you been married? ?" Well, dis is ding
vot seldom don't like to talk apout,
but ven l does, it seems so long as never
was
"Won't you take half of this poor ap-
ple?" said pretty damsel. mo, thank
you; lwould prefer better half" Eliza
blushed, and referred him to her papa.
Olive Logan thinks women came from
angels and men from monkeys,