davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09
A Good story OF an Honest
Eputclsnhsan.

One of our exchanges has the fol-
lowing story:
l can't help it, so I will tell you
the tale as twas told to me.
1t was, it is simply tael, and tells
of the mistakes of life as it 'twere.
The Germans tell their troubles to
me as chloroform is poured on a
handkerchief to revive the patient.
One day while standing patting
tie neck of "Kitty," my running
mare, an honest Teuton who had
seen service in the war, came up
and said
"Ah, mynhcer McElroy, you
here?"
"Yaw, mynhccr, Schwipes, l
here"
$500. You busy dis morning."
"No, Jacob, I'm never busy un-
less when | am busy"
"Well, den, mynheer McElroy,
you shust make tic that horse loose
so he can make herself play around
,nit herself in ter yard d little, und
[ sits down on mine--minc--l mean
your saw horse and tells you some
dings."
We sat. Then said the man:
CHOW, you see, Mr.. McElroy, |
no makes myself like tho way You
talk about my cousins Snicksnack-
er. He be SO goot man as never
be's any vcres. He shust like me,
He gooms to dis free country to
help live here. Und ven de war
gooms ] shoulder my fife und mine
trummel, und l goes out to get re-
groots. Und purity soon, blmeby,
ven de pig bountfes get so big as a
hole hog, Mr.. McElroy | kiss mine
yrow und dakcs ten hundred tollars
bounty und l 60 to ter war. Ond
[ tell mine frow she no make water
nit her eyes for I go long nit Sben-
eral Shirts, and of coorse | coomes
back. You see Mr.. Mclllroy [
knows who to 90 nit You would
go NIT sicgel, but siegel gets his
back up too much, and is not care
full who he don't fight nit. Und [
would 60 nit Butler, bnt my share
Of de silver would be Sherman sill
yer, and dat is not so goot. SO J.
goes nit Shirts, for he never gets
hurt in any country, und l knows
we're Shirts is that it is vat you call
where you put money--safc.
"Vell, | gets mine bounties so l
have someding to pay my tax nit
till l makes dead, then l 60 as COR
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09
The Reconstruction Ect,

Chief Justice Chase, in his New
bern speech, gave as an excuse why
he had not previously held the Cir
cult Comt in his circuit, that he
could not consistently with his ideas
of judicial dignity, hold conrt in any
State where military tribunals wcr,
superior to the civil authorities. -
The 9th section of the reconstruc.
tion act passed few days since, is
as follows:
SEC. 8. That no district commander Oh
member of the Board of Registration, OF
any officers or appointccs acting undcl
them, shall be bound in his action by any
opinion of any civil officer of the United
States.
AS long, therefore, as this act is
in force, Judge Chase, or any other
United States Judge holding the
same opinions Of the dignity of his
Office, cannot hold court in any of
the States affected by this act
Judge Chase dare not preside at the
trial of jeff. Davis; and in October
next, when Davis appears under his
recognizance and demands a trial,
Mr. Chase will throw himself en- his
judicial dignity again, and Davis
will be under the necessity Of call
ing on his Radical friends to renew
his bonds,
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09
A Glorious G;esNc--NOtssf tn
standing.

I m, - ~ ', ~
The following eolloquy ara no'
occur IN El'hifa' ou' m,gh' na!'
napPoncu mere us. 's easy 10 !:
between an eh'huslas''c 1on1'fer an'
player OIL the game oaSe pail ana
gentlemen VINO ''ad 50 much rcsat'
lor hls personal co,nlof' "s 10 rclf"''
iFo'h Wl, ,,aS, o:'', .t anu uaso oA:II''u. ;.L
w, w '''' l" 'A' 'ii"'''i "i'n y'o'
niger: g.,
:'!ucA WIN pali anu ~, ur''o uP'
pu' II Is ''o''e sanie' was '"'
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

There are questions at issue tC
be decided by the votes of tic peo,
pie in the several States that rise
above mere patty questions in or.
dinary times. These questions i'll
yolve the principles on which oul
system Of government is founded,
and the popular verdict given at
the State elections this summer
and fall, will determine whether or
not that system shall be maintain.
ed. One of these questions upon
which the people have TO pass judg,
ment, and one Of momentous conse-
Guence to the present and future
welfare Of the country, is,. whether
the will Of the majority is absolute,
or in other words, whether it is ON,
nipotent and above all Constitutions
and all laws.
The affirmative of this question is
held by the extreme men in the dom
inant party, and is practically, il
not in thcory, sanctioned by the
more moderate adhercnts OF
the same party. We may, there
fore, say, without fear Of contradic.
tion from any one, save q prejudiced
partisan, that the ruling party Oh
faction, known as Republican OF
Radical, is wholly admitted to the
doctrine of absolutism; not. it is
true, in one man, but in O majority.
1t establishes an absolute despotism
and centralizes it, not in one ty.
rant, but in two or three hundred,
whom it calls the Congress.
This assertion startling as it may
seem, is fully and undeniably prov
cd by the proceedings Of this body
styling itself the Fortieth Congress.
It has, since its organization, On
the fourth of March last, placed one
third Of the Union in territorial
extent and population, under the
absolute domination Of five militia
ry commanders, and swept away ali
other authority, constitutional or
legal; legislative, executive or ju-
dicial. This action of the socalled
congress cannot be justified on con-
stitutional grounds, and is in fact
admitted on all hands to be wholly
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09
CRESCO HOWARD CO, IOWA, AUGUST g. 1867

unconstitutional. It's defenders
would as soon think of going to the
Koran, as to the Federal Constitl,
tion for authority for what arc
styled DEMONSTRATION acts"
One Of the alarming symptoms of
the day, is. that these are found in
the Republican ranks, men, other
wise Intelligent and moderate in
their views, who openly declare
that they regard this tlagrant viola
tion Of the Constitution as of little
consequence; that we are still in a
state of war, or of revolution rath-
er, and that before this trial of our
institutions, constitutional powers
and limitations of power avail less
than nothing as checks and res
traints upon the popular will.
1t certainly must appear to the
sober and rejecting that men who
talk thus, however wise and sagac-
ious they may be on other subjects,
have laid aside their common sense
in the discussion of this topic so
vital to the welfare Of our country
for all time to come. The govern
mcnt which our fathers instituted,
limiting ard restraining the action
of the majority by a written consti-
tuition as the supreme law is not
now on trial. 1t was on trial for
upward of seventy years, and the
result Of the experiment was most
successful 1t conduced to nation
al prosperity and greatness far be-
yond the most sanguinc hopes of it's
fouulcrs. 1t is, as we said, not
now on trial; but the attempt is
now being made 10y the leaders of a
dominant party, emboldened by sue
cess, to substitute for that system
of constitutional government under
which our fathers lived and pros
pered, a system in which the uncon-
trollcd and unchecked will of a ma
jority, or of a faction a portion Of
the Union that has got the power
into it's hands, shall be supreme
above all institutions and all laws,
and have its edicts registered and
issued by a majority in body
styled the Congress.
It is impossible for any man of
common prudence ans. foresight not
to see the fearful perils that beset
our people. This absolutism will
never restore the Union once our
boast a:nd pride. 1t will have the
direct contrary effect. 1t will des-
troy what yet remains Of that I'm
ion. Our government will cease
TO DC one OF constitution ana law,
and become OF factions
backed by military forcc-of con-
flicting sections and Statcs--in
which anarchy, oppression and
bloodshed will prevail, as in Mexico
and the South American States.
IF our people desire to escape this
dreadful alternative, they must
hurl from power the party leaders
that are seeking to bring it about.
1t must be done now, or it will for
ever be too late.-Cleveland Plain
dealer.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09
WHOLE NO 392

poral nit Shirtsund I go to ter,
war, and ] do shust like oddcr fcl.
lcIs--l sers tings---und | makes
monish-and | COON home shust as
coot as | vent away, Mr.. McElroy.
IND [ gets Welcomed back 50 coot.
Mine vrow she bees so glad to sec
me as never wash. Und ter folks
was glad to see nc. / goes down
TO get some lager beer, and ven
goes home, Deacon Greene is at
mine house to see me. Und ] goes
out NIT Deacon Greene, to show
him home, and ven ! coomes back
Deacon Brown is der to see me und
tells me he is glad [ makes myself
COON back and l 60 to be polite to
Deacon Brown und to show him
home, and when L goom back, /
find der postmaster at mine house to
see me. Und goes to be polite to
to the postmaster man. und when
gets back, der is der dax collector
to see me, und [ asks him how
much | must pay him, und be says.
'Oh, nothing, Jacob-seein' its
you!' So I goes to see him home,
und den makes myself goom home
to sleep, so nice as never wash.
"Und every night when I comes
home [ Wind some of desc goot pat
riotic men who have done SO much
for their country, at my house to
see nc. Und, Mr.. McElrcy, one
night ven ] goes homo [ hears noise
in minc bedroom. Und | golls for
mine WOW und she no hear HE, SO I
60 in and finds her ashlcep. Und
Winds nico pair of boots in ter
bedroom, shust worn so much as
dey will not hurt my feet, unl
makes my head 60 under der win
dow to sec what makes noise, und I
sees one of the patriots who geeps
the gopperhcads away from mine
wow vile | be goHc from ter war,
chasing horse into ter woods. Oh
Mr.. McElcoy, 7 tell you tits nice to
60 to be a soldier man, und to goom
homc und find such goot friends
among such soot men, and to have
such men give me nice DUTCm
PHILOpENES''
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09
(From the Madison Union.)
The Secret Scheme Os Radi-
C:afasms.

C:afisms.
To any one posted, OR who posts
himself, in political matters, the
scheme of negro suffrage upon the
South, and the disfranchiscment
of the white population, ought tt
be apparent. The Western States,
from Ohio to the Pacific, have 81
members Of Congress; and the ex.
cluded Southern States have the
same number. The mortal fear OF
New Eng land is, and has been, that
the West and South, peopled by
consumers, will not much longer
stand tariff laws, which exclude
competition in the markets of the
world, and give them from so to
geo per cent. profits from the in
dustry of the industry of the coun-
try, without some equivalent re-
turn. AS they also hold most of
the bonds of the nation, and have
secured their exemption from taxa
ton, placing that extra burthen on
the shoulders Of western and south
crn farmers, they arc in great drcad d
OF some move to secure EQUALITY
OF TAXATION, and hence resort to
the most natural scheme to secure
control Of the government in their
own hands.
BY voting the southern negro,
they expect to carry at least 80 ad-
ditional members of Congress, and
NULLIFY THE POWER OF THE WEST
BY THE NEGRO OF THE South. That
is the secret scheme that controls
such men as Stevens and Sumner.
They care nothing who represents
the south so that they own him.
The more ignorant, the more plastic
in their hands. When Mr.. Summer
recently announced that he expect
ed soon to welcome negro Senators in
the U. S. Senate, it was simply to
predict that the scheme would
work. All that class of men seek,
is more tariff, and larger exemption
of capital from paying it's share to
support the government. The ne
gro vote is their tool and bludgeon.
The rejection of Mr. Greeley's plan
Of universal suffrage, for univer-
sal amnesty was their work. If
southern whites arc allowed to vote,
the interests of the West will pre-
dominate-and they can no longer
eat our bread without paying for it.
Hence, the new negro power is to
Was ever any thing so shallow,
as western men allowing themselves
to be completely foole4. in the trio X
that lies under the southern darkey!
Does any one credit that New Eng
land, whose slave ships originally
filled the southern markets, has
noting but "God and humanity'
in its composition? And our west
crn congressmen-whcrc is their
evidence of intellect! They tame,
ly stand by, or help rivet the fetters
upon the men of the West. In the
interest of monopoly they coolly as
sist i'll their own degradation. When
the first negro, or the tool sent by
the negro, enters Congress, the po-
litical power of the West is broken,
and henceforth VIC become mere
provinces, to raise crops and earn
money for eastern monOpolists,-
and to take such legislation as they
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09
During the trial of q ,s,it in

During the trial of a salt in
Western court, counsel took excep-
tions to the ruling on certain point,
and a dispute arose. "'If the Cour3
please, [ wish to refer to this book
a moment" said the counsel. pick
ing up a large volume. "i.erc's
10 use in your picking up any books, -
exclaimed the judge, angri!y, q
have decided this point II know
that was the rejoindcr, | am salts
fled OF that, but tins is 4 Volume Of
Blackstonc-lm certain he differs
"i"'f ,""' irv'.'r, -"r,,t r uufy ,~tr,ro-. t,-
show YOU what u ID old fool
Blackstone was!" Al! that in
deed - exclaimed the court sm;'ir :
all over, ''you begin now to talk. -
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

A young lady was being asked by
borirg politician which party she
was in favor of, replied that she pre-
ferred a wedding party.
Speaking Of cheap things-it costs
but a trihe to get a wife, but
doesn't she sometimes turn ont a
''littlc DEAR
10 remove stains from the char.
actcr-get rich.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

The telegraph cable between the
Florida coast and the Island of Gu
ba, will be laid and ready for bus
mess in about week. Telegraph
connection is already complete be-
tween New York and Key West,
Florida, and it is the intcntion Of
the company to extend this line
from Cnha thrnnsh the West Tn-
dies and thence to the African
vvust, anu intu ASH anu Europe.
Another company is also preparing
to connect South America with the
cable at Cuba. All parts of the
world will before another year be
united by telegraph.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

a drunken fellow sitting ON the
steps of church in Boston, the
cold wind blowing chillingly around
the corner, exclaimed: "If heaven
(hic) tcmpers the wind to the
shorn lamb, l wish the lamb (hic)
was on this corner
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09
homeopathy.

Take little wife.
Tho pretticr the better:
Pat her cheek, and when
She wants to kiss you--let her.
Keep her in the house
Th"Tc she'll cook your milton:
Darn Tcur i9clct too,
if she : worth button.
Never mind the lots
OF her aunts aud cousins,
Ask them to drop in;''
Dine them alI by dozens.
One Of these ola days,
iorli feel full one inch taller.
When You see her hug
a ChOpping little sulallar
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

Dan Rice, the other evening in
his circus, said that hc was not
going to deflc the fair record of
scNcnty-fiyc years as respectable
Snowman by becoming a member of
Congress.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

An lrishman, illustrating tile hor-
rors of solitary confincment, stated
that out Ct one hundred persons SEM
tonccd to endure this punishment for
life, only fifteen survived it.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

A dying West India planter
groancd out to his fayoritc negro
servant: "Ah, Sambo, Tn going
or very long Journey. "Nevcr
mind, massa," said the negro con-
solingly, .'him all down hill"
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

"Pa, | know why that old fash
ioncd pistol OF your'n that grandpa
fit with in the revolution, is called
a horse pistol:' "Why, my SOM"
"Bccausc it kicks So
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

"Young man, do you believe in a
future state?" ''in course I duz
and what's moro, / intend to enter
it as quick as Betsy gets the things
ready -
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

A little boy seeing a man pros
tratc before the door of groggery,
opened the door and said to the pro-
prietor: See here sir, your sign
has fallen DOWN.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

Why is a man ascending Vesuvi-
us like an lrishman trying to kiss
pretty girl? Because he wants to
get at the crater's mouth.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

\ clerical gentleman observes
that dancing has tendency to
"shriyel up mans dignity, and
reduce society to a nonentity." 1t
also effects shirt collars in warm
weather.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

The rage for divorces is so strong
in Chicago that u negro sued for i
separation fraai woman with whom
he lived, but'to whom he had never
been married.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

The man that forsets good deal
that has happennd, has bettor
memory than he who remembers
GOOD deal that never happened.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

The Republican leaders are pack
ing a Southern registry, excluding
nearly all the whites and register
Tug all the negroes, and then through
their Committee, ask for $1,000
to carry the election ! Having
packed the jury they now want to he
paid for the verdict. Utica Obscry-
Cr.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

An irish editor, in speaking of
the mscries Of Ireland, says: ,''Her
cup of misery has been for ages
overfiowlng, and it not yet fall
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

A San francisco editor says that
when he thinks of Irelands woes his
heart goes ''pity Pat.'
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09

Emerson. finely says: "The
poor are only they Who feel poor.
and poverty consists only Of feeling
poor.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-08-09
BAHasgEAM HHOUSE.
CREsCo Iowa.

This house is clgibly situated to busi-
ness, near the Depot of the McGregor
Western Railway. BY giving strict atten-
ton to the wants of the travelling public,
they hope to merit the confidence and re-
ceive II share ofpub)ic patronage. n3o
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-04-29
THE CITY PULPIT.
1HE END Of GOSPEL IElCPl lMG.

A sermon Delivered Yester'Aay Morning,
AZ the Arch street Meth osIist Iop,seopaI
church, by the Rev. Thomas M.
The New era. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1865-1871, 1867-03-06
DIOtkcy.
'.Motley is thine only wear. y

'sMotley is thine only wear.n-I.ear
Humbug rules the hour. Wonders
are wrought Senator Yates joins a
temperance sesiety, and Thaddeus Ste
vens has foresWorn faro and the tiger.
Beecher has preached sermon from
the Gospel of the Nazarine, and Sum-
ner has got married and quit whining.
The tariffrobbers in the Congressional
lobby begin to doubt the potency Of
greenbaclls, and a Niger has been APP
pointed TO a clerkship in the Treasury
Department, as an ebony monument of
honesty Seward talks of giving up his
grip upon office; Greedy lectures upon
humanity; Raymond almost consents to
endorse his principles; Ben. Wade has
decided to live eleanly. cease TO swear,
and become President OF the Senate;
Chase has not addressed Il negro meet.
ing lol- 4 week; they have elected ii
negro Mayor Of Georgetown; Philips
proposes to lecture on the lost art Of
telling the truth; Hoapers WeekLy has
become crazier and dirtier than ever;
Conover goes to the Penitentiary; Holt
proposes to take an OATH Chandler
wants to take a drink; Butler, will take
anything lying around loose; MeDougal
retires to his rancho; Sprague smiles
SWCtiS, lilV AOp$ 100 .
dies the death OF the wicked; the For
iieth Congress, in which seventeen
States will be uprepresented, s,ceaa.s 10
to the plumber, tie South Is wrestling
with starvation; Boston is collecting
aims for the Cretans; the Grand Army
of the Republic is preparing an assault
upon the Treasury; loyalty prevails,
and the country is going to the devil on
a steady dog trot. Moonshine in patri-
otism; hypocracy in religion; humbug
in politics; butchery in philanthropy;
madness in finance; stagnation in bust
ness; paralysis in industry; disorder in
the present, misery and anarchy in the
coming time-these constitute the order
of the day, are the promises of the pres
ent and the prospects Of the future.
When the wicked rule, the people mourn.
| -Columbus Ohio Crisis.
The New era. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1865-1871, 1867-03-06
General UpseftiMg Of Titles i5s the
South.

The view we took yesterday, says
the National Mtefzigencer, that the Shell
labarger amendment to the District
bill endangered all titles made IA the
South since the advent of the rebellion,
is endorsed by the New York Journal
of Commerce, as follows:
much as we desire to see once more
the harmony Of the executive and legis-
latlve departments Of the Government,
ard Injurious as their disagreement Is
to the business interests of the country,
we cannot believe it to be duty Of the
President to give sanction to this bill.
If it must assume the form Of law, let it
stand before the country as the law Of
Congress without the approval OF the
Executive department. 1t seems to us
impossible that it should ever receive
the sanction of the judiciary.
For the present Weshall do little more
than make few comments upon the
preamble to this bill. The preamble is
in these words:
Whereas no legal State governments
or adequate protection for life or prop
erty now exists in the rebel States of
Virginia, North Carolina, South Caro-
lima. Georgia, Alabama. Mississippi,
Louisiana, Florida, Texas, and Arkans-
as; and whereas it is necessary that
peace and good order should be enforc-
ed in said States until loyal ana repub-
lican State governments can be legally
established: therefore.
/. mo legal State governments exist
in the rebel States Of Virginia. &c. If
there be no legal State governments,
then everything done in the legislatures
or courts, or any other departments of
these governments, are void. Thejudg-
ments obtained in their courts are void;
the criminals confined in their prisons,
by sentence pronounced in the State
courts, are entitled to immediate dis
charge. There must be general Jail
delivery. These are the necessary con-
sequences of illegal Stnte Governments,
The New era. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1865-1871, 1867-03-06

Sailing BuTTER.-A. Raymond, an
n. H. correspondent of the Rlral Neao
Yorker, gives the following recipe for
sailing butter: Take two quarts of good
salt, one ounce of sugar, one ounce of
saltpetre. Use ore ounce of the cOmpO-
sitiOn for one pound ofbutter. Itshoud
be stamped and left to cool before put
ting in jars. Butter prepared in this
way should not be used for two Or three
weeks. You will find that your butter
will be very fine, as it will have no brit
tie or saltyslook or taste. By following
this course your butter will keep the
year through, in warm as we'll as cold
weather. i.