The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1867-07-18
Josh Billings.

Josh Billings.
Joshua Billings, Esq is quite stran
ger of late, '.Nasby" having almost en-
tirely controlled the newspapers the past
year Josh, however, has turned up in
the New York Weekly, with the follow
ing "monograffs
The Jealous Man il alwuz hunting.
He IL alwuz hunting for sumthing he
don't expeckt tew find, and after he haz
found it, then he il mad bekause he haz.
Theze fellers don't beleave in spooks,
and yet they are about the only folks who
ever see emmy. A jealous man liz al
ways happy, jist in proportion ez he iz
mizerahle. z4
Jelosy il q dizeaze, and it liz a good
deal like sea sickness-dredful sick aud
kant vomit
The Anonymous Man boards at red
tavern, and pays for hiz board bi tend
ing bar occasionally. He hain't got en-
ny more karakter than the jack ov
spades haz when it aint trumps.
He il loafer bi profession, without
emmy vices. go
He rides on the box once in a while
with the driver, and nobody thinks ov
asking for his stage fare.
He sprung from respectable family;
hiz great grandfather wuz a justiss ov
the peace; but he haz not got vanity
enuff tew brag on it. 6a 4f
He amt necessarily phool, enay
more than bulls eye watch IL; il en-
ny boldly will wind him up, he will eett
still, and run quietly down.
The Stiff Man looks down when he
walks, upon folks. He don't seem tew
have but one timber jint in him and that
il lokated in hiz noze.
He IL kind of masculine turkey, on
parade, in barn yard.
He il generally loaded with wisdom
clear up to. the muzzle. and when he
goes oph, makes a noize like a cannon,
but don't dew emmy damage.
I have seen him fire into q crowd and
miss every man. 4 4s
This kind of stiff man il very handy
tew fatter. They seem tew know they
amt entitled to good article, and,
therefore, are satisfied with very hard
soap.
There amt but tn men who git stiff on
wha. they acktually know but most aul
ov them git stiff on what they acktually
feel
Still men are called aristokrats, but
ain t so. There amt no sich thing as
aristokrats in this country. =.
The. country ain long enuff yet. unless
man has go: some Indian in him.
Az gen'ral thing, stiff men git mad
dredful easy, bekause folks amt apt tew
git a big skare at what they amt afraid
ov. 4arT f se.
Stiff man had grandfather once who
went tew Congress from our distrikt, and
there amt one in the whole family tha
hav been able tew get Timber sinse.
The Molel man never disturbs hen
when she is setting; never speaks cross
tew lost dorg always puts five cent
shinplastcr in his vest pocket late Satur-
day night, tew hav it ready Sunday
morning for the church platter; rizes
whenever lady enters the street kars
remembers yure unkle plainly, and asks
after awl the family. II he steps on q
kat's tail iz sure to do it Eight, and imme
diately asks her pardon; reads the Plum
ny Phellow, and laffs, bekause he kant
help it; hooks up his wife's dress and
and plays hoss with the children Never
NEEDLES with the cream in the milk pan
goes eazily ov errands and Gums back in
seazon attends everyboy's phuneral
kan alwuz tell when the moon changes;
thinks just az yu do, or the other way, if
yu want him to; follows evry body's ad-
vice but his own; praktices most ov the
virtews without knowing it; leads the
life of sholn lamb; gifts sick after a
while, and dies az soon az he kan. to
save making further trnbble.
The model mans vices are not feared.
nor his virtews respekted. He lives in
the memory ov the world just about az
long az pleasant day duz.
He may be called "clever feller,"
and that il only libel; but he will get
hiz reward hereafter.
LAYING UP TREASURES IN HEAVEN -
We witnessed practical illustration of
this rcriptural Injunction few morn