The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-03-30
THE CAuDLE CURrAIN LECTURES
Mr.. CaudIe has not Acted s.Ltkea Hus.
band,' AT the Wedding Dinner.

| Little did think, Mr.. Caudle, when
you brought me home from church,
your lawful, welded wifs-little, say,
did think that L should keep my we'd
ding-dinner- in the manner i have
done to-day. Fourteen years ago! Yes,
l see you now in your blue coat, with
your bright buttons, and your white
wRtered satin wRisteoat, and a moss
rosebud in your button-hole, which
you said was like me. What3 You
1lerer talked such EloRSeHseS Hal Mr..
I CaudIe, you don't know what YOU talk
ed that day-but do. Yes; and YOU
l then sat at the table as If your face. as
may say, was buttered with happi-
ness, Rnd-WhRt2 No, Mr.. Caudie.
don't say that; have not wiped the
butter of-uot L. II you. above all
men, are not happy, you ought TO be,
{ gracious knows?
Yes, 1 IDiH talk of fourteen wears
] ago. Ha! You sat beside me then, and
I picked out all sorts of nice things for
I me. You'd have given me pearls and
diamonds TO eat If could have swallow
/ ed 'em. Yes, 1 say, you sat beside me-
and-What do you talk about? Yon
couldn't sit beside me to-dGys That's
I nothing all 10 do with it. But its so
I like you L can't speak but you fiy of
I to something else. Ha! and when the
health OF the young couple was drunk,
/ what speech you made then! It was
q
/ cry, as If their hearts were breaking;
and recollect as IL il were yesterday,
] how the tears ran down dear fathers
| nose, and how dear mother nearly went
into fu Dear souls! They little
/ thought, with all your fine talk, how
you'd use me! Hotr hare you used Hles
/ o Mr. Caudle, how can YOU ask thai
question? It's well for you can't see
You blush. HOLV have you used me!
Wei, that the same tongue could
make speech like that, and talk as il
did to-dayi HoI0 did you tdIkS Why,
lshsmefullyi What did Won saw about
your welded happiness? Why, moth
ing. What did you say about your
wife Worse than nothing; lust as If
she were bargain you were sorry for,
but were obliged 10 make the best Of
/ What do you say? And bdd's the beStS
If you say that again. CaudIe, I'll rise
[ from my bed. You didn't say itS What
then, did you say7 Something very
like it, know. Yes a pretty speech Of
thanks for a husband! And every
body could see that you didn't care a
pin for me; and thats's why you had
10 insult me to their faces. What? 1
made you inVite 'eDf o, Caudle, what
/ an 2ggraVating man you are.
II suppose you'll say next / made
| you invite Miss Prettyman? Oh, yes;
| don't tell me her. brother brought her
"lInOuI your knowing II. What
Didn't hear him say Sos OF course 1
did but do you suppose I'm quite a
| fool? Do you think 1 don't know that
I that was all settled between you? And
she must be a nice person TO come un-
asked to woman's housed But 1
know why she came. She came to look
about her. What do HleGRS Oh, the
! meanings plain enough. She came to
see how she should like the rooms
how she should like my seat at the fire.
place; how she-and II it isn't enough
TO break mothers heart to be treated
so!-how she should like my dear chill
dren.
Now, it's no use your bouncing
about at-but of course that's it; can't
mention Miss Pretty yman but you fling
about as If you were in q lit. OF course
that shows there's something in il,
Otherwise, why should you disturb
yourself? Do you think 1 didn't see
ber looking at the ciphers on the
spoons as if she already saw mine
scratched out and hers there? No, 1
shan't drive you mad, Mr.. CaUdle; and
II do It's your own fault No other
man would treat the wife of his bosom
NV hat do you say? You might as
t0en hare married a hed0ehogs Well,
now ITS come 70 something! But it's
always the easel Whenever you've
seen that Miss Prettyman, I'm sure to
be abused. A hedgehogi A pretty
tAAuB iOI MOuAu 70 De caIleu Dy fer
husband! Now you don't think I'll lie /
quietly in bed, and be called hedge
hog-do you, Mr.. CaudleP
''Well, only hope Miss Prettyman
had good dinner, that's all. / had |
none! You know / had none-how /
was TO get any2 You know that the 4
only part of the turkev care for is the 1
merry thought. And that, OF course.
went to Miss Prettyman. Oh, saw
You laugh when you put IL on her platei |
And you don't suppose, after such an |
insult as that, I'd taste another thing |
upon the table? No, should hope / 4
have more spirit than that. Yes; and |
you took wine with her four times.
What do you say? Only. tlSieeS oh, 1
you were so tost-fascinated. Mr..
Caudle; yes, fascinated-that you didn't
know what you did. However, I do /
think while I'm alive might be treated
with respect At my own table. I saw
while Pm alive, for 1 know I shan't
last long, and then Miss Prettyman
may come and take it all. I'm wasting
daily, and no wonder. l never say
anything about if, but every week my
gowns are taken in.
I've lived to learn something, TO be
sure Miss Prettyman turned up her
nose at my custRrds- It isn't sufficient
that you're always finding fault YOUR
self. but you must bring women home
to sneer at me at my own table. What
do you say She didn't turn Up her
noses know she did, not bat that it's
needless-Proyidence has turned it up
quite enough for her already. And she
must give herself airs over my GUS
tards ! Oh, saw her mincinE with the
spoon as II she was chewing sand,
What do you say? She praised my
plum puddin19 Who asked her TO
praise it7 Like her impudence, I
thinkI
''Yes, pretty day I've passed,
shall not forget this wedding-day, /
think! And Es / say, pretty speech
you made in the way OF thanks. No.
Caudle, If / was to live q hundred
years-you needn't groan, Mr.. CaudIe,
shall not trouble you half that time
II was TO live hundred years, I
should never forget il. Never! You
didn't even SO much as bring one >of
your children into your speech And
dear creatures what have they done
to offend you? No; I shall not drive You
mad It's you, Mr.. Candle, who'll
drive me mad. Everybody says so.
And you suppose didn't see how it
vas managed, that you and that Miss
Rrettyman were always partners at
whist? Rou5 tOGs It BtdHd0edP Why,
plain enough.. OF course you packed
the cards, and could cut what YOU
liked You'd settled that between YOU.
Yes; and when she took trick instead
of leading OF trump-sHe play whist,
indeed what did you say 10 her, when
impossible that her heart should mis-
taket And this, Mr.. Caudle, before
Peopie-Wttlh your Own wife in the
"And Miss Prettyman-I won't hold
my tongue. 1 ICiu talk of Miss Pretty
man; who's she, indeed, that
shouldn't talk of her? I suppose she
( a n r keae eli