The Shasta courier., 1867-01-19
The Christmas Fireside.
BY GRANDFATHER TWAIN.

always called James in your Sunday-school
books 1t was very strange, but still II was
true, that this one was called jim.
He didn't have any sick mother, either
q sick mother who was pious and had the
consumption, and would be glad to lie down
in the grave and be at rest, but for the strong
love she bore her boy, and the anxiety she
felt that the world would be harsh and cold
towards him when she was gone. Most bad
boys in the Sunday books are named James,
and have sick mothers who teach them to
say, Now, | lay me down." ETC., and sing
them to sleep with sweet plaintiye voice,
and then kiss them goodnight, and kneel
down by the bedside and weep. But 1t was
different with this fellow. He was named
jim and there wasn't anything the matter
with his mother-no consumption, or-any
thing of that kind She was rather stout
than otherwise, and she was not anxious on
Jim's account; she said if he were TO break
his neck, it wouldn't be much loss she
always spanked Jim to sleep, and she never
kissed him good night; on the contrary, she
boxed his ears when she was ready to leave
him.
Once, this little bad boy stole the key of
the pantry, and slipped in there and helped
himself to some jam and filled up the vessel
with tar, 80 that his mother would never
know the difference but all at once a terri.
BILE feeling didn't come over, and mething
didn't seem to whisper to him, Is it right
to disobey my mother? Isn't it sinful to do
this? Where do bad little boys 90 who
gobble up their good kind mothers am ?''
and then he didn't kneel down all alone and
promise never to 5e wicked any more, and
rise up with light, happy heart, and go
tell his mother all about it and beg her for
giveness, and be blessed by her with tears
of pride and thankfulness in her eyes,
No; that is the way with all other bad boys
in the hooks, but it happened otherwise with
this Jim, strangely enough, lie ate that
jam, and said it was bully, in his sinful
vulgar way !; and he put in the tar, and said
that was bully also, and laughed and OBJ
served that, the old woman would get up
and snort" when she found it out; and when
she did find it out he denied knowing any
thing about it, and she whipped him severe
ly. and he did the crying himself. Every
thing about this boy was cnrious-eyery-
thing turned out differently with him from
the way it does to the bad Jameses in the
books.
Once he climbed up in Farmer Acorn s
apple tree to steal apples, and the limb
didn't break, and he didn't fall and break
his arm, and get torn by the farmers great
dog. and then languish on a sick bed for
weeks and repent and become good. Oh, no,
he stole as many apples as he wanted, and
came down all right, and be was all ready
for the dog, too, and knocked him endways
with a rock when he came to tear him. 1t
was very strange-nothing like it ever hap
pened in those mild little books with mar.
bled backs, and with pictures in them Of
men with swallow tailed coats and bell
crowned hats and pantaloons that are short
in the legs, and women with the waists of
their dresses under their arms and no hoops
on. Nothing like it in any of the Sunday
school books.
Once he stole the teachers penknife, and
when ne was afraid it would be found out
and he would get whipped, he slipped it
into George Wilson's cap-poor Widow
Wilson's son, tie moral boy, the good little
boy of the village, who always obeved his
mother, and never told an untruth, and was
fond of his lessons and infatuated with Sun
day school. And when the knife dror ped
from the cap and poor George hung his
head and blushed, as if in conscious guilt.
and the grieyed teacher charged the theft
upon him. and was just in the very act of
bringing the switch down upon his trembling
shoulders, white haired improbable justice
of the peace did not suddenly appear in
their midst and strike an attitude and say,
"Spare this noble boy-there stands the
covering eulpritl | was passing the school
door at recess, and unseen myself. | saw the
theft committed ~ And then Jim didn't
get whaled, and the venerable u tice didn't t
read the fearful school a homily, and take
George by the hand and say such boy de-
served to be exalted, and then tell him to
come and make his home with him, and
sweep out the Office, and make fires, and run
errands. and chop wood, and study law, and
help his wife to do household lahors, and
have all tue balance Of the time to play, and
get forty cents month, and be happy. No,
it would have happened that way in the
books, but it didn't happen that way to jim.
No meddling cid clam of justice dropped
in to make trouble, and so the model boy
George got thrashed, and Jim was glad of it.
Because, you know, Jim hated moral boys,
Jim said he was down, on them milk
sops." Such was the coarse language Of
this bad, neglected boy.
But the strangest things that ever happen
ed 10 Jim was the time he went boating on
Sunday and didn't get drowned, and that
other time he got caught out in the storm
VIII. n he was fishing on Sunday, and didn't
get struck by lightning. Why, you might
look. and look, an / look through tbe Sun
day school books, from now till next Christ
mas. and you would never come across any
thing like this Oh, no-you would find
that all the bad boys who go boating on
Sunday invariably get drowned, and all the
bad boys who get caught out IN storms
when they are fishing on Sunday, infalllbly
get struck by lightning. Boats with bad
boys in them always upset on Sunday, ana
it always storms when bad boys 60 fishing on
the Sabbath. How this Jim ever escaped ls
a mystery to me.
his Jim bore charmed life-that must
have been the way of it. Nothing could
hut him: He even gave the elephant In the
menagerie plug of tobacco. and the eie
phant didn't knock the top of his head on
with his trunk. He browsed around the
cupboard after essence of pepperment, ana
didn't make mistake and drink aqua iorts'
He stole his fathers gun and went hunting
on the Sabbath, and didn't shoot three OF
four of his fingers off He struck his little
sister ON the temple with his fist when he
was angry. and she didn't linger in pain
through long summer days and die with