Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-01-29
The T07. Bucket.


But where they paid the highest
1t was whispered he would go.
The Tn. Bucket.
TIA cigar makes man i'll, a cheroot will make
maniller.
What is the surest way to make hen lay +!
Cut her head OF.
OF the vowels is in bliss, in hell, and all
the others in purgatory.
WHY is sea-sick passenger like Whittier
Because he contributes to the Atlantic.
Why can you keep fruit better by canning 1t
than any other way? Because you can.
It often happens, when the husband fails to
he home TO dinner. that it is one OF his fast
days.
.sNope but the brave deserve the fair. No,
and none but the brace can live with some OF
them.
Little BOYS should be seen and not heard.
replied youngster when he didn't know MS
lesson.
What a striking countenance, said the Yam
kee 10 the elephant when he hit him clip With
his trunk.
What is the difference between gauze dress
and drawn tooth ? One is too thin and the
other tooth out
When girl is kissed by her lover what news
naners should she mention? No Spectator"
but as many Times as you please.
The young man in Freeport who recently
committed suicide by taking dose OF baking
powder is not expected to RISE from the dead
In Washington a woman shot man because
he did not marry her; in Cincinnati another
shot one because he did. w hat can a Dacne-
lor do to save his bacon?
. Farmer Gookins was inpatiently waiting for
his son to pass the mug, when the young hope
full said to him, Father, this cider IS SO hard
l cant bite it Off y
An old lady refused to let her niece dance
with Young graduate because she heard that
he was a bachelor of arts, whereby she under
stood that he was an artful bachelor.
A priest said to a peasant whom he consid-
cred rude You are better fed than taught. J"
''Should think was, replied the clodhopper,
s'as feeds myself, and you teaches me.
Somebody says baby laughing in its dreams
IS conversing with angels. Perhaps SO; but We
have seen them crying in their waking hours as
though they were having spat with the devil.
A New Bedford lady recently wrote to a Bos-
ton publishing house for copy Of 'sGelert, or
Trust in God. and received for reply There
is no Trust in Goo" to be found in Boston. .
When dressed for the evening, we girls, nova
days. l.t
Scarce an atom of dress on US leaye:r
None blame US: for what is an evening dress
But a dress that is suited for Ere?
''When am dat great race to come off dat
dar is so much talk about.
,"What great race, Glenn? haven't heard OF
any great race.
-''De human race, de great human race dat Is
to come off afore long.
ADutchman was relating his marvellous es-
cane from drowning, when thirteen of his COM
panions were lost by the upsetting of boat,
and he alone escaped.
And how did you escape thelrfa = asked
one of his hearers.
Il did not go in tie poat," was the Dutch
man. compliment answer.
A story is told of a man who completed eight
pair of large-sized boots every day. The editor
of New York paper says: 'lt would he con-
~sidered small doings in this city. There is a
lady's shoemaker down in the swamp, who, as
fast as he finishes boot throws it ever his
shoulder into box behind him. He keeps one
in the air all the time, and don't half try.
Mankind may be divided into three distin-
guished classes :-Superlatiyely honest men
confirmed scoundrels, and-no men at all.-N.
Y Wing.
10 WHICH Tie l. uliduelplId LILIES auUS LIE
following capital hit:
First person-We are
Second person-Ye or you are. sos
Third person-They (the women) are.
Sir" said an old Scotch woman to her min
lister, Il dinna ken part Of your sermon yes
terday"
You said the apostle used the figure Of cir
cumlocution, and dinna ken what it means.
Is that all Its very plain. The figure Of cir
cumlocution is merely a peripoastic mode Of
diction -
ooh all that's al?' said the good woman;
''what puir fool | was not to understand it. y
The Franklin Gozettegives the following lucid
explanation Of the failure of the star shooting
display that was advertised around so promis-
cuously few weeks ago. Read and ponder
When the melofygistic temperature of the hor-
lion is such as to caloricise the impurient in
dentaion of the hemisphere analogy, the cohe-
sion of the borax curbistis becomes surcharged
with infintesimals which are virtually deprived
of their fssural disquisitions. This effected, a
rapid charge is produced in the throamoumpar
of the gymnasticus palerim which causes a con-
vacular in the hexagonal antipathies of the ter
restrium aqua versula. Clouds then become a
mass of deodotomized specula of cerenocular
light, which can only be seen when it is visible.
This didn't happen, therefore the stars didn
shoot