The Van Buren press., 1867-01-25
Josh Billings on Owls.

Josh Billings on Owls.
Burds is Gods choiristers.
lew, the lion he gave majesty, tew the
elephant strength, tew the fox cunning,
and tew the tiger deciet But too the
buds, his pets, he gave buty and song.
And none 50 9lest as. the osl. = r. T-~-
<sTle owls d-gsme bard; he can whip en-
ny thing that wears feathers, (after dark. J
lie sa'wise bdfd, and boots at most
things.
He is sollom burd, a cross between a
justice Nv the peace, and a country. super
visor.
us Yssiia gurl q and sets w as stiff as
an exchmaticu'p point y
lie is a luxurious burd, and feeds on
spring chickens.
lie lsa Ip. lived bur,l, and was never
known tew TAX, death natrally. ''' w.
He is hardy burd, and groze tuff by
bileing
He is an honest burd, and alwuz shows
an open conntenance. H Fs,H
lie isa prompt bdri, and satisfze at onst
his outstanding bill. ,., r, ..us,bi
He isa comfortable bnrd. and alwuz
sleeps in feathers. te
He is an attentive burd, and durin the
day car alwuz be found in tI|ltB
lie is festive burl, and don't come
home till morning. it'
Thus the owl. a mistaken emblem Auv
solitude and sadness. > If we dig into his
natm closely, is emphatically one uvgthe
boys, and belong tew Club. Yonkers
Gdzcae
An urchin leading small dog along
the streets a few days ago was accosted by
gentleman as follows: F""st
Well, my son, what's your dog name?'
'Haint got any name yet 'H
Well, wby,den't you name him? Give
him some good name. Call him Andy
Johnson? .f9a''7s ~f~-..
Il don't like 20 do that-'twould be dis
respectful to the President
We'll, then name him Ben. Butler9'
Il won't 90 thatsneither. for that would
he disrcspectful to the dog. 49,.
"a little boy, son CT minister, was
using his slate and pencil on a Sunday,
wheAvh;s father entered, and said "My
son, prefer that You should not use your
slate on the Lord day" II am drawing
meeting houses. papa" was the prompt
reply. .oq ..u..-
The Radicals arc, fierce for negro
suffrage, but they don't suffer any more
white folks to vote than, they can, help, un-
less they vote the r tickets. ''''0'
Two Dutchmcn, who built and used
in common a small bridge over stream
which ran through their farms. had dis
pute concerning some repairs which it re.
qpired, and one of them positively refused to
bear any portion OF the expense necessary
to the purchase Of a few planks. Finally,
the aggtievcd party went to a neighboring
lawyer, and, placing ten dollars in. his
hand, said: > IL - 81, -.-A- XXI
"rll give yon all dish money, if you'll
make Hans do justice nit de pridge''
"How much will it cost to repair i'll"
asked the honest lawyer Btf Il .H II
"No more ash five tollar,' replied the
Dutchman.' "'
Very well, said the lawyer, pocketipg
one ofthe notes and giving him the other |;
take this and go get the bridge repaired; /;
tits the best course you can take
"Yaas," said the Dutchman, slowly,
"yaas, dat ish more better as to quarrel nit
Hans;' but as he went along home, he
shook his head frequently, as if unable,
after all, to see quite clearly how he had
gained anything by going to law.
II bankrupt merchant returning
home one night, said to his noble wife:
My dear, am ruined; everything we have
is in the hands Of the sheriff '-.ypgsp
After a few moments silence the wife
looked calmly into his face and said:
will the sheriff sell you9 Oh, mol
'Will the sheriff sell me-? Oh, no! 'Will
the sheriff sell the children? Oh, mol
Then do not say we have lost everything.
All that is most valuable remains TO- us
manhood, womanhood, childhood We
have lost but the results Of our skill and
industry. We can make another fortune
flour hearts and hands are left us.
Nothing can be done well that is
done in a hurry" ,"s~oraeularly declared a
certain pompous politician Of New York,
one day lately, on the step, of the City
Hall.
''How abont catching Aeas?' asked a
wagat his elbow. The politician was
hooied. .O1 ..TIUN~ .eI
---l"My native city has treated NE bad.
" said q drunken vagabond, shut | love
her still. "Probably. her ,hH is all yoa
do love" replied ascntleman, ''' -.