The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-05-24
Mistetlantous.
PHILLIPS FIRST BABY.

MRS. PHILLIPS was on the very pinna-
Gle of felicity. She was the mother of
Il boy which weighed eleven pounds.
He, Phillips, bid fair to lose his mind
entirely. He danced ana sang, and
fired guns from the top of his corn
house, whistled Yankee Doodle while
eating his breakfast, and wrung the
necks of all the fowls on the place, to
make a chicken pie for the celebration.
This worthy couple had been married
ten years, and this was their first child.
People had laughed at them ten years
on account of their luck people who
We're overrun with children, and whose
lives were made miserable by the scOld-
ings and spankings they found it neces-
sary to inflict upon their wretched little
olive plants.
Now, Mrs. Phillips said, she guessed
they'd laugh out the other side. There
had never been 50 large baby born in
Smithfeld before. Mrs. Jones' only
weighed nine pounds and had a pug
nose. Mrs. Sawyers' was red-haired,
and had mole on his right foot-a sure
sign that it would come to bad end
and it only weighed seven pounds and
fourteen ounces She guessed folks had
better look at home before they laughed.
Baby proved 20 be Tartar. lie had
a temper like II windmill, and seemed
determined to develop his feet and lungs
to the utmost while he had leisure, for
he screamed and kicked twonty-three
out of the twenty-fOur hours.
But his mother declared he was an
angel. We never can imagine an angel
with puffy red cheeks, heels elevated in
the air, sucking a sugar teat, and being
bounced about in Il pillow cradle to the
tune of "IIigh diddle dee! !" but then
our Imagination is not by any means so
vivid as it might be.
From the hour in which he was born,
he was the Autocrat of the household;
everything had to bow to his nod.
The scullery door creaked; it was ta-
ken off the hinges, and the servant was
in the draft all the time, because she
might disturb the baby. For the same
reason the coffee mill was moved into
the woodshed ,thedishes must be washed
out of dOors-thc clatter of the plates
made the baby scream; the washing
was done in the barn all the clocks in
the house were stopped the dog was
muzzled, and the cat choked-all from
the fear of disturbing the baby.
Mr.. Phillips paid Il blacksmith, who
was located within quarter of mile,
one hundred dollars to move his shop,
aud Biddy was moved to the cock lott
of the woodshed on account of snoring
The child's diseases were legion. 1t
was a wonder that it could draw its
breath with so many terrible ailments
clinging to it. Mrs. Phillips was con
tinually on the watch for some new
demonstration.
"Charlcs !" cried she, waking hei
husband from slumber one cold winter
night, ait seems to me the baby don't
DrCulllc JUST liSht'
Mr.. Phillips sprang up and listened
"Good gracious, he's got the snuiiieS
amt he?"
"Oh, dear, what shall we do ifbaby l.
going to be sick ?"
Mr.. Phillips got light, and the anN
ious parents brought it to bear on th'
face of their child.
"Oh, heavens" !" cried his mother
"his face is actually purple! he's goinG
to have the scarlet fever. See that rec
spot on his elbow"
at may be where he's laid ON it, re
marked Mr.. Phillips.
Laid ON it, eh you unfeeling man
YOU unnatural father! And there, IT.
sucking its thumb; I've known it IRON
the first it wouldn't live; it sucked 1T
thumb so much"
"Seems to me that PVe heard my
mother say that it was the sign OF
healthy child to suck its thumb, but
won't he certain. Any way, 1t Is
good sign or a bad one; forget which
"Run, Charles, run for the doctor
It's going to die-I know it Is! ON
don't stop to'dress-don't! 1t may di
while YOU are waiting. Call for gram.
Bates, and tell her to bring some catnil
and saffron, and peppermint-tell ne
to bring all the herbs she's got and d
, hurry, Charles, do! Mercy on us! II