Tama County Republican. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1867-1872, 1867-05-31
For the Republican.
The Sad Results Of Run, or Bill The Bar
Tender-and The Maid of Rock Greek.

The SAD Results OF Rum. or Bill Inc Bar
Tender-and The Maid Of Rock Greek.
NOT WRITTEN py cYLvAxus soBD---Bur ny
POTOMAC Esq.
CHAPTER ONE.
Susan Jane was a lovely gal whose fathers
domicil rested on the left bank of that romans
tic streamlet known as Rock Cresk-s'up in
Georgetown" There her foreparents lived for
several centuries. She lived there that long,
too but it agreed seriously with her constitu-
tion--and by-la@s. In her early youth filters
wouldn't have b,ung penny piece. In fact
she was frequently known to trade them off
for gingerbread and 'taAy." Chignons IVA
terfalls) never waved radiantly over her head
though she did sometimes use lilly White
Since her infancy she has took to wearin' yal-
Ter dresses trimmed in green shamrocks. This
was because she was Fenian. She was the
origional fenian-er she ,cas. She was the au
thor Of the beautiful poem entitled sleep Oh
sleep, Sweet Aingcl-but don't Sleep in the
Station House, Her it was who first said
asleep was Natures Sweet Restorer." Hence
if it had mt been for her efforts, the great 1tal-
ian female singist Rstori never would have
visited Americay. This maiden loved a youth
who tended Ticker saloon in Washington
City. He had been admitted to the bar. He
stood behind it, As barist lie was suck
cess. In early life he did mt drink, but he
soon knew the difference between cold water
wizard oil, Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup
and larger beer. As a drnkest he soon was
the grog shop as sign, SO the passers by
could see what they had to sell. This youth
loved Susan Jane. His name was Bill, but
when the boys in the Treasury Department
wanted him to trust EN- till pay day for whis-
ky and he would mt, they used to get mad and
call him William and such other offensive
names. This is the end Of this chapter!!
CHAPTER TWO.
Bill was expensive youth, he was known
to spend two (2) cents day on an average,
for whole month. In fact, his street car
to Georgetown used to amount to as high as
eighteen (1S) cents per week. For he did 60
to Georgetown. 1t was disease with him, he
had it as bad as the law would allow. He had
it every week day and twice on Sunday. He
was frequently known to wish the weeks had
faurteen (lI evenings in em so he could 60
oftener. Well! The plot thickens like new
mush. He loved her. He used to sit with
her in the clear moonlight on the messy banks
and looking MP to the moon-whch poets vul>
carly term Luna--and "swear by the bright
orb to love her rs long as the cars continued
to run between her domicil and hisn. On
Bonded nees he said, "Don't lavish in my OK.
halations of money? Didn't buy FIVE striped
sticks Of candy the other day and give you
two (2) of ,em? Don't pay your car fare
every day you want to visite your old grand
mother in Washinston?' For he was heavy
on the car fare system. 1t was his Joy and
pride
CHAPTER THREE.
But she soon didn't love him-not much -
put on the high tragic and told him in thunder
tones to leave her presence forever! He felt
bad--and to drown his sorrows, concluded to
drown himself. She married a temperance
youth who belonged to one of the total abstin-
ence societies "up in Georgetown" Thusly
did the temperance youth win her, for she was
indeed jewel. She was little idol (idle) II
But the cod corpse Of .Bill, the Bartender"
now lieth at the bottom of the canal near the
Smithsonian Institute. Rum was too much for
him. 1t brought him to grief, misery, woe,
want, and finally that Great Reaper whose
name is DEATH ended his earthly career. lie
invited dedth-it met him and was too much
for him. II came, 1t sa,c. it conquered