The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-12-04

copied from a monument in Horsley
Down Church, Cumberland, England.
What q character does it exhibit Let
your light so shine, good wives and
mothers, that no such patchwork" may
be put together for you -: 35.s.s..s;; :,
-, Here lie the bodies Of - =.
Thomas Bond and Mary, his wife.
She was temperate. chaste and, charitable
~ 7.@i ~ = But -: So -. - ( =
She was proud, peeyish and passionate.
= She was an affectionate wife and a tender
-: : * Mother; - ''a = ' ;,
~ ~ -, z, ,7f, = But -. S$Hr.-.sc,
Her husband and child, whom She loved, SET.
dom saw her eountenance without
<scs;. : disgusting frown. y 3
Whilst she received visitors, whom she de-
spised, with en- endearing smile. :.
Her behavior was discreet towards strangers;
Imprudent in her family. -es5
: Abroad her conduct was Influenced by
So ,-2,Lz5 good breeding; =: -: :
-. - sls.s,,,,SsRut = =: s-,s-sS * -
- At home BY ill temper. e; -
She was professed enemy to fattery, and
= .,-ss-.t ~. -Bnt =
The talents in which she principally excelled
; Were difference of opinion and discover. Z
80. 80 ing flaws and < -s'ss sss. Z. =,
Imperfections. = -
She was IN admirable economist,
=. And, without prodigalify, : ..
Dispensed plenty to every person in her
-. - 80 family; =.
- - But =. So Z
p, Would sacrifice their eyes to q farthing
-: g. ~ -, candle. :, y, =. 81.
She sometimes made her husband :. -
,,~ Happy with her good qualities;
~ s, -, But q, ~Sa'zss :. :.
= Much more frequently miserable with her
= - Many failings- ~. - !
Inasmuch that, in thirty years cohabi> ).
..5.sy. - ~ tation, =
- -, He often lamented that,
Maugre all her virtues -
- He had not, on the whole, enjoyed two
(. Years of matrimonial comfort.
: At length, ::.-..s ~
Finding she had lost the affection of her
husband, ss well as the regard Of her, :,
neighbors,, disputes having been -,
- .ldivuIged by servants =
- She died Of Texation, July 20, 175S,
~ Z, 49, Aged 48 years, X. -, s-,f,s
: y mon tbs and two days, and departed
. ;, 80 .. : this life * = TX, &
.s,ge....a p November, %, 1755. .s~;.. ~
In the 54th year Of his age.
Z William Bond, brother to the deceased, :,
res-=z, -, Erected this stone as q, ~ srsSs..
Weekly monitor 10 the wives of this parish,
That they may avoid the infamy of having
: Theirmemories banded down to posterityz
- With apatchwork character.
Farmer t. employed q green EN-,
GRADER aud ordered him to give: the mule
some corn in the ear. On his coming i'm
the farmer asked: = -. -
9. Pat, did yyon give the mule the corr Z
EtTo:be sureI did. :, = - :
How did you give its 9 = -
=. Like ye2 2towid me, in the ear, =
= Bat how much did you give? ?'&.1 so -
: .OsI ye see! the crather wouldn't
how'd still, and kept switching bis ears
about SO Ididn't git but about list full
IN poth ears! s
s Woman !, the. morning star of eur
youth; the day star Of, our manhood the
evening star of our age. Heaven bless
our stars! For argument sake however,
we ask:
Why are women like churches? First
ly, because there is no living without
one secondly, because there is many
aspire to them thirdly, because they
are objects of alteration, and, lastly, but
by no means leastly, because they have
a loud clapper in their upper-story.
In the next We are advised to keep
away from them a hopeful father says
to Jeemes, his son keep away from the
gals, when you see one coming, dodge.
just such creature as that young 'un
cleaning the door steps on t'other side of
therstreet fooled your poor old dad, Jem.
my Don't cast your eyes that. way and
wink. Ifit hadn't been for her, you and
your dad might have been in Brazil,
hunting -dimunds, my son."
The couple mentioned below made a
good beginning ana VIII no oCuoe get
along in the world. The ,matrimonially
inclined reader is respectfully asked not
to follow suit, and particularly to remem-
Der to give the printer his fee for mar
riage notice:
A couple waited on clergyman to be
married, for whose services the bride
groom gave him counterfeit bill, and
then stole the minister's umbrella as he
passed out through the hall.
Sister" said one Of the brethren at
love.feast, "are you happy?" Eyes, dea-
con, I feel as though I was in Belzebub's
bosom. mot in Belzebub's BOSOM"
"Well, some of the patriarchs, I don't
care which,"