The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-10-30
a Soldiers Misfortune.

tor that befell him, while he was play
ing commandant of military post dur
ing the lato war:
In 1863, l was ordered to the town
of A, in Mississippi, as post com,
mandant. / had often heard of the
place as being a gay, dressy town, with
q more than S usual number of young
ladies, Now, asI, had been on field
duty for seven OF eight months, with
out having even bowed to member
of the "femalo persuasion," L very
naturally felt considerable anxiety as
to the state ofmy wardrobe, which, to
tell the truth, was in a deplorably
d1apidated condition. Upon exami-
nation, found that my best coat was
a jacket lis that "bull 3") and my
lest pants had seen service until tliey
were dangerously thread -baro in cor.
tain places. However, they were the
best | had, and after carefully brush
ing, [ rollod them up for dress occa-
sions. reached by post on SATURDAY y
evening, and having no acquaintan ccs.
L concluded on Sunday morning to
attend Divine service. It did not
take me long to dress, and my Jacket
and trowsors were soon on duty, and
ting u sash, slightly tho worse for
wear, about my waist as a finish, T
considered myself, for the times, pre-
scntable. / soonroached the church.
and found it filed, with the exception
Of one pow, which boing under q win
dow, ! imagined had been avoided on
account of the sun, which shono full
upon it. With an old soldiers indif-
ference to trifes, I boldly entered the
vacant pew and sat mo down. AS T
did so, [ IthoughcI I detected a merry
twinkle in the eyes and a nervous
twitrhing of the laughing muscles of
some rosy-chceked misses who occupi-
cd the scat in rear of ne. After beino
seated few moments, tho openin9
hymn was read, and as tho conerepa,
tion arose, Imade an effort to Get
upon my feet, but was mortified to find
myself glued to the bench Tho
young ladies' in the rear smiled audi
bly,, which I cannot say added to nv
comfort. Another effort, followed by
noise, as Of cloth being torn, and =
smotherodt !" te. he !t3-he /" from the
young ladies. Thought I, "Herc's a
fix for first appearance All this
time, had kept "eyos front :" but
now taking q sly glance out Of the
corner of my right, Isaw the situa-
tion at once. The confoundcd bench
was made Of 'tfat" pine, with onlv one
coat of paint. The heat of the sun
had drawn the crude turpontino to the
surface, makinga soft coating of at
least fourth of an inch in thickness.
There l sat, "the observed of all
Observers" with face like red
cabbage-regularly sslimed !'' The
sermon seemed interminable. + dar-
cd not look at any one, and upon the
slightest movement the Internal trow-
sers would tear with noise that was
exceedingly embarrassing I'm afraid
my mind was two intent on planning
an oscapowhen the service should close,
10 enJoy@the PARSONS cloquence, and
regret to say that I Ihave never boen
to remember his text, felt that eyery
man, woman and child in tho house,
new my predlckament. If I only had
n long.tailed coat instead of this deuced
jacket" thought r. Finally, with a
feeling OF desperation, + determined to
make a break for it, and while the lasr
songswas being sung, took advantage
OF The higher notes to. tear myself loose
which l accomplished last as the song
was hnlsAhNed shed Intensely relieved to find
myself free, / arose for tie benediction,
holding with. careful carelessness nv
slouched hat behind me 10 conceal dam
ages. But lwas hardly erect upon nv
1eet before J perceived 4 the eyes Of nv
lair tellow.worshippers drecIed TO th ,
place had just vacated and every {oce
'onvulsed with ,repressed laughter. I
wh'rled and gave one glance, ana Oh |
M'rab'Iesdsctu there, stnck tight to the
bench, was the whole seat of my unfor-
tnnato breeches--at least enough TO
"botom chair!" hs'
How | got out or reached INV room
leave you to guess, for I have no
distinct recollection Of the order Of m
going" / was informed afterwards, W
those who me- me on the street, tia. !
seemed ITO be in II hurry, and that,
although tho sun was hot / enough to
meltthe bricks in the pavement,I CARR
ed.myi hat in my hand. and my hand
behind me. Result was That [ imn,e.
d'ateeely conceived Q great fondness for
long.tailed coats. I. 4.
IDS igsI-4-.--4- 49, s,.s. s-s--3 J. ss54
We undert' ke to say that the million
of souls il the city of New York have
produced within the last twelve months
moro acts oftnagranta crime than the
entire population OF ,ahe "a Southern
States; and we challenge The Tribune to
comparison Of the contents ofits owl,
files in confirmation Of what we say. i
its premises be correct military 8deApo.
tism should 9be introduced INTO New
York, rather than Virginia aud Geor:
pia. - National 1,tel1j0encer