The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-03-28
THE CAUDLE CURTAIN LEcTURE-.
Mrs. CaudIe ThinLs SIT would look
well 10 keep their MeIdlng-dhX.,, r

Mrs: CauHIe AZ 1L CnInGs Ut wOuld look
"Caudle, love, do you know what
next Sunday is? No! you don't ;
Well, was there ever such strange
man! Can't you guess, darlingi Next
Sunday, dear? Think, love, a minute
Just think. What! and you don't
kRotD nous Hal If I hadn't better
memory than you 1 don't know how
we should ever get on. Well, then, pet
shall tell you what next Sunday is !?
Why, then, it's our wedding day
What are you groaning at, Mr.. Caudle? :?
don't see anything to SgroRn at. If
anybody should groan, I'm sure it isn't
you: No; L rather think it's L. who
"oh, dear! That's fourteen years
ago. You were very different man
then, Mr.. Caudle. What do you say !?
And tpdS Uely different IHOmGn? ?
Not at all--just the same. Oh, you
needn't roll your head about on the
pillow in that way: say just the same.
Well, then, if I'm altered, whose fault
is it1 Not miue,iI'm sure-certainly
not. Don't tell me that couldn'; talk
at all then-I could talk just as well
then as can now; only then 1 hadn't
the same cause. It's you who have
made me talk. What do you
Caudle, you do nothing but insult me.
"Ha! You were a aGood-tempered, nice
creature fourteen years ago, and would
have done anything for me. Yes, yes,
if a woman would be always cared for
she should never marry. There's quite
an end of the charm when she goes to
church! We're all angels while you're
courting us; but once married, how
soon you pull our wings Off No, Mr..
Caudle, I'm not talking nonsense; but
the truth is, you like TO hear nobody
talk but yourself. Nobody ever tells
me that talk nonsense but you. Now,
it's no use your turning and turning
about in that way; it's not a bit Of
what do you say? YOItW getlp? No,
you won't, Caudle; you'll not serve me
that trick again; for I've locked the
door and hid the key. There's no get
ting hold of you in day time-but here
you can't leave me. You needn't groan
again, Mr.. Caudle.
''Now, Caudle, dear, do let us talk
comfortably. After all, love, there's IA
good many. folks who don't get on half
so we'll as we've done. We've both our
little tempers, perhaps, but you are ag-
gravating; you must own that, Caudle.
Well, never mind, we won't talk of it;
l won't scold you now. Well talk of
next Sunday, love. We never have
kept our wedding day, and think it
would be II nice day TO have our friends.
What do you say? They'd think IL hy-
POcTfSy. No hypocrisy at all. Pm
sure L try to be comfortable; and if
a man was happy, .yott ought to be.
No, Caudle, no; it isn't nonsense to
keep wedding days: it isn't II deception
on the world; and ifitis, how many peo-
pie do il? I'm sure it's only compile
ment that man owes to his wife.
Look at the WinkIes-don't they give
dinner every year? Well, / know, and
if they do fight little in the course of
the twelvemonth, that's nothing to do
with II FThaU I-naR fhair
and their acquaintances have nothing
to do with anything else.
"As say, Caudle, it's only proper
compliment man owes 10 his wife to
keep his weddinE-daY. 1t is as much
as to say to the whole world, There, If
had to marry again, my blessed wife's
the only woman I'd choOsen Well!
see nothing to groan at, Mr.. Caudle-
no, nor to sigh at, either; but l know
what you mean; Pm sure, what would
have become of you, if you hadn't mar
ried as You have done-why, you'd
have been lost creature! know it:
l know your habits, Caud1e; and-I
don't like to say it-but you'd have
been little better than a ragamuffin
Nice scrapes you'd have got into, 1
know, if you hadn'thad me for wife.
The trouble I've had to keep you re-
spectable-and what's my thanks?
Ha! 1 only wish you'd had some
"But we won't quarrel, CaudIe. No;
you don't mean anything, l know.
Wen have this little dinner, eh? Just
a few friends? Now don't say you
don't care-that isn't the way to speak
to wife; especially the wife I've been
to you, Caudle. Well, you agree to the
dinner, eh? Now don't grunt, Mr..
Caudle, but speak out. You'll keep
your wedding-day? What? If ri
let you 90 to sleep? Ha! that's unman-
ly, Caudle; can'tyou say Yes ?'-There,
bless you! knew you would.
"And now, Caudle, what shall we
have for dinner? Move won't talk of
it tomorrow; We'll talk of it now, and
then it will be off my mind. IIshould
like something particular-somethin
out of the way-just to show that we
thought the day something. 1 should
lke-Mr. Caudle, you're not asleep?
What do 1 tOamtF Why, you know 1
want to settle about the dinner. Huve
iohdt I like? No; as it is your fancy TO
keep the day, It's only right that L
should try to please you. We never
had one, Caudle; SO what do you think
of haunch OF venison? What do you
say? Mutton lUiu do? Ha! that shows
what you think of your wife; 1 dare
say If 1t was with any of your club
friends-any of your pot-house COM
panions-you'd have no objection to
venison. 1 say if-what do you NUT
ter? Let IL be Uenison? Very well. And
now about the fish? What do you think
of nice turbot? No, Mr.. Caudle, brill
won't do-it shall be turbot, or there
mean man you are, Caudle! Shall it
be turbot? IT ShdUF And now about
the soup-now, Caudle, don't swear at
the soup in that manner; you know
there must be soup. Well, once in a way,
and just to show our friends how hap
py we've been, Well have some
real turtle. No you IOOH't; yOu'H hare
HOthing but mock? Then, Mr.. Caudle,
you may sit at the table by yourself.
Mock turtle on a wedding day! Was
there ever such an insult? What do
you say? Let ii be real then, for OnceS
Ha, Caudlel as / say, you were very
different person fourteen years ago.
"And, Caudle, you'll look after the
venison? There's a place know,
somewhere IN the city, where you'll
get it beautiful. You'll look at il?
You aOiLIS Very we'll.
And now who shall we invite? Who
tikeS Now, you know, Caudle, that's
nonsense; because 1 only like whom
you like. 1 suppose the Prettymans
must come. But understand, Caudle,
don't have Miss Prettyman; Pin not
going to have my peace of mind de-
stroyed under my own roof; If she
What do you say? Very tseLtf Very
we'll be it, then.
"And now Caudle, you'll not forget
the yenison? In the city, my dear?
You'll not forget the venison? A
haunch, yon know; nice haunch.
And you'll not forget the veniEon?"
"Three times did fall asleep" says
Caudle, land three times did my wife
nudge me with her elbow, exclaiming
You'll not forget the VeniSon?' At