The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-08-02
DEAD Broke.
BY THE "FAT CONTRIBUTOR.


We found a man seated on a curb
stone, near the Post Office, last night,
muttertng to himself apparently, as
there was no one else to mutter to. We
felt constrained to ask him what he was
doing there?
"Haint doln' nothin'," was the reply.
o" Where do you belong"
"Don't b'long nowhere, and nowhere
don't blong to me"
" Who are you ?"
"Im Broke"
"Well, suppose you are broke, you've
got a name, haven't you'll What is II ~
{" 1 tell you, I'm Broke-Dead Broke
that's my name, and that's my natur'.
NV father was broke afore me. II he
hadn't been, 1 wouldn't be Broke now
at least, not so bad. Ny mother was
a Peasley, but she wanted 81 husband,
and she got Broke-that's my dad-and
Broke got me. I've been broke ever
since"
For few moments the unhappy D.
Broke buried his face in his hands, and
seemed lost in the most doleful retiec-
tions. Then, raising his hands, he ex :
claimed bitterly:
81 wish l had been born colt"
'Why do you wish you had been born
a colt 2"
"Because colt amt broke until he is
two or three years old. was Broke
got over it. 1t is hard to be broke so
young"
"How did your parents come 10 call
you Dead Broker"
"well, ye see, as soon as was born,
something seemed TO tell me that had
got to be Broke all my life, unless
could get my name changed by act Of
Legislature, and that, you know, wonld
be an impossibility."
HHow an impossibllity ?"
care you such blocEhead as to sup
pose that h man can get anything
through the Legislature when he is
Broke ?"
"When the conviction forced itself
upon my infant brain, confused as it
was by recent experiences that must
be Broke all my lie, felt that there
was nothing to live for, and lost all con-
sciousness at once. have found only
part of it sincel."
"He is dead" cried my mothers
wringing her hands.
"Yes." groaned my father, "dead
Broken
''I revived, alas but Dead Broke be-
came my name, aud L have been dead
broke ever since"
NY name has been fatal to me all
through life. The smallest boy in
school always broke me in playing mar
bIes, broke more windows than any
other boy in base ball. l always broke
down at recitatious, and had my head
broke every day by the school-master.
When left school L went to clerk 1t for
broker. One day there was heavy
deficit in the accounts. l was afraid
he might think that had something to
do with it-so / -, broke. They
caught me though, and put me in jail,
but broke out"
"Out OF jail 2"
"No, hang it, broke out i1ith the small
poG!"
"What did you do next?"
"After the court had disposed of my
case, WAS allowed 10 go into the bro
kerage business again"
"How was that?"
81 broke stone in the Penitentiary, dog
on il. After l got out broke every
thing. broke my promise, broke the
Sabbath, and broke the pledge"
"Was you ever married?"
eyes, (sighing deeply,) matrimony
broke me up worse than anything else.
My wife was regular ripper. She
broke up my furniture and the dishes,
nearly broke my back with fiat-iron-
and finally broke my heart"
"By running away?"
"No. indeed, by sticking to me-
"You have had hard time of it,"
"All owing TO my name. But bad ms
dislike 1t, it's mine; came by II hon
estiy. You wouldn't think anybody
else would like to be in my place, would
We? butthere are thousands of impos-
iers all over the country trying to pass
themselves off for me-"
"In what wayR"
"When they tell their creditors they
are Dead Broke"
There WAS another pause, during
which the unhappy possessor of an I'M
fortunate name could be heard to sob.
AT length he broke out
''It will be simple and fitting in
scription for my tombstone. though"
"What?"
"DEAD BROKE"