Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-01-26

equals, if not surpasses anythink as was
ever heard of the baseness of the cele-
brated B naparie." ..r..s sa1-...r
Miss Whit, Miss Piff, and me, we
drored heavy breath, equal to saying
"We thought as mnch l'' Miss Whit
and Miss Piff seeming to object to my
droring mine along with theirs, drored
another to aggravate 'em. s -r.-s
"Shall be believed" says Our Mis-;
sis, with flashing eyes, "when l tell
you that no sooner had l set my foot
upon that treacherous shore ....
Here Sniff either busting out mad or
thinking aloud, says, in low voice:
Eject. Plural, you know m
The covering that came upon him
when he was spurned by all eyes, ad-
ded to his being beneath contempt, was
sufficient punishment fora cove SO grow
elling. In the midst of silence rem
dered more impressive by the turned-up
female noses with which it was perva-s
ded, Our Missis went on:
"Shall l be believed when I tell you
that no sooner had landed,' this word
with killing look at Sniff, "on that
treacherous shore, than | was ushered
into refreshment room where there.
were, l do not exaggerate, actually eat
able things to eat p
A groan burst from the ladies'.
not only did myself the honor of joining
but also of lengthening it out.
"Where there were," Our Missis ad-
ded, "not only eatable things to eat,
but also drinkable things to drink"
A murmur, swelling almost into
scream, ariz. Miss Piff, trembling with
indignation, called out "Name! !'
4 aoiU name,' said Our Missis There
was roast fowls, hot and cold there was
smoking roast veal, surrounded with
Drowned potatoes; there was hot soup
with (again | ask shall l be credited p
nothing bitter in it. and no flour to
choke off the consumer there was a
variety of cold dishes set off with jelly;
there was one salad; there was mark
me fresh pastry, and that of light
construction there was luscious show
of fruit There was decanters and bot
ties of sound small wine, of every size
and adapted to every pocket; the same
odious statement will apply to brandy;
and these we're set out upon the coun-
ter so that all could help themselves.
Our Missis's lips so quivered that
Mrs. Sniff, though scarcely less convul-
sed than she were, got up and held the
tumbler 20 them.
"This," proceeds Our Missis, "was
my first unconstitutional experience
Well would 1t have been, if it had been
my last and worst. But no. As I pro-
ceeded further in to that enslaved
and ignorant land, its aspect became
more hideous. | need not explain to
this assembly the ingredients and form
nation of the British Refreshemnt sand
wich ?"
Universal laughter = except from
Sniff, who, as sandwich cutter, shook
his head in state of the utmost dejec-
ton, as he stood with it agin the wall.
"Well,' said Our Missis, with dilat-
ed nostrils. "Take fresh crisp long
crusty penny loaf made of the whitest
and best -four Cut it lengthwise thro'
the middle. Insert nicely fitting slice
of ham Tie short piece of ribbon
around the middle of the whole to bind
it together Add at one end neat
wrapper of clean, white paper, by which
to hold it. And the universal French
sandwich busts on your disgusted Wis
ion.'
A cry of "Shame v' from all: except
Sniff, who rubbed his stomach with a
soothing hand.
81 need not," said Our Missis, "ex-
plain to this assembly the usual forma-
tion and fitting of the British Refresh.
ment Room" -.- .... .....-.
No, no, and laughter. Sniff agin,
shaking his head in low spirits agin the
WALL
well, said Our Missis, what would
you say to general decoration of every
think, to hangings sometimes elegant),
to easy velvet furniture, to abundance
of little tables, to abundance of little
seats, to brisk, bright walters, to great
convenience, to pervading cleanliness
and tastefulness, positively addressing
the public and making the beast think
ing itself worth the pains"
Contemptuous fury on the part of all
the ladies' Mrs. Sniff looked as if she
wanted somebody to hold her, and eve
rybody else looked as if they'd rather
not. .- .--,-.
"Three times" said Our Missis, work
ing herself into truly terrimenjious
state, ''three times did seethese shame
full things, only between tie coast and
Paris, and rot counting either: at Haz-
ebroucke, at Arras, at Amiens. But
worse remains. Tell me, what would
you call person who should propose in
England that there should be kept, say
at our own model Mugby Junction, pret-
ty baskets, each holding an assorted
cold lunch and dessert for one, each at
a certain fixed price, and each within
passengers power to take away to empty
in the carriage at perfect leisure, and
to return at another station, fifty or
hundred miles further on Z"
There was disagreement what such
person should be called-whether revo-
iutionist, atheist, Bright { I said him),
or Un-English. Miss Piff screeched
her shrill opinion last, in the words;
ga malignant maniac" ..a ..-
81 adopt" says Our Missis, "the
brand set upon such person by the