Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1867-08-30
NUMBER %.

wA.Ts TO KNow.-+A irFarmer's
Boy" In Kentucky, adyertlses for
wife. He csays;a yaDn ..f0D
Hs sSa Ssns sss e knsg Hs s.sas sns sfS nssal m
And go g meeting WITHOUT q silk,
To make . "show and huttcr.'s
Hs,d IKE y knsy 4 y wepld hurt
ormakc pair Of bresciies
.f "A E---------<s-r<ee----+-- b8kE
Things Wise So Otherxvisc.
As the quickest way to make a for.
tune, cotemperary suggests marrying
fashionabie young lady and selling
her clothes. ,n,.-, acsu,,eI l0
It Is doubtful which of these great
forces oxerts the grentest influence up.
on seciety--the cartridge box, the bal
lot box, or the band box Hood.
Tommy, my son = 'saidI 4 FIND moth
morning pr sYes-tiatls ls nirIts: hut
any smart boy can take care Of himself
In the day time" f, nof
"Are you not afraid your wife will
get married again when you die 2" "I
hope she may, ns thore will be one man
in the world who win know how to
pity me" ,,.t.s- r1sea roz
"What ugly child Is that under tho
window, Susan ?'' "Why that is mine,"
replied Mrs. j.. tOh, call the dear,
beautiful, pretty little creature In, aud
let me kiss her." g,st
A woman will tolerate tobacco smoke
In man she likes-and even say she
- a. t.x,xs. -. -
how she dislikes IL In man she dis
likesl fpagG srn'eiftaFFTgs
On the doors Of tho White House
there should be posted this notice:
Wanted, for Office holders, some men
who have no character to lose, and who
are willing to do any dirty work for
No honest man need upply.D hls
At Plucerville q Methodist minister
went to TIN shop 10 buy a blowing
horn. Selecting one heasked the clerk
whether 1t would make q loud noise.---
"Oh yes, said the clerk, 80 I'll Of n
noise." We'll, ]" replied the munster,
don't think that kind OF noise will
suit, and walked of. -
A well known editor Of New Jersey,
about to start for Long Branch, request
ed his wife to put I'm his satchel what
articles were necessary for an absence
OF two or three days. He lodged at
Freehold, and in tho morning opened
the satchel to take out some clean linen
when he found IL to contain oiiiya bot.
tie Of whiskcy and bundle Of old
newspapers. yip IS o4t,4e
d The Pclla Blade eaaysa Chicago "run-
nerp recently left shirt 'at one nf the
Oskaloosa Hotels, and wrote to the
ehambermaid to forward It 70 him AZ
this place, upon which she wrote him
sir, you'll not feel hurt, IH frankly
tell you all about It.; I've made shift
with your old shirt, and you must
make shift without It." eH'a
In reviewing the Surrat trial, the
Chicago Rcpuotican says there is ono
impression deeply and painfully left;
that there IL reason tn believe that the
| plot to murder our late President was
more extensive, and included great
er number than has generally been
supposed. The principal actors In 10
may have been discovered, and brought
to Justice, but that others remain, who,
Iif not directly accessory, were at least
implicated In 1t, there is but little doubt
Madam" said q husband to his
young wife, In little alteicn
which will spring up I'm the best regu.
lated families, when q man aud his
wife have quarreled and each considers
the other az fault, which OF the two
ought to advance towards u reconcilia-
tion ~ "The best natured and wisest
of the two,n said the wife,. putting up
her month for q kiss, which was given
with junction.. She was the conqueror.
"whar," asked q renowned stump
orator, who was running for the office
Of constable, "whar, my enlightened
friends of the Sixty.sixth militia dis
| trict, was Andrew jackson in the battle
OF New Orleans? Wur he thar? He
wur. He wur d ridin' up am down ON
a bob-tAiled Arabian, q wavin' Of a
cracked sabre, up to tho. arm pits In
blood and mud, and givin' OF tho
British thunder; the genius OF his
country boldin' Of her @gis over his
head, cotton bales paneveering In front
70 protect him from every danger, and
the American eagle, with the stars and
stripes In Its beak, d soarin' aioft In the
blue empyrean, ciyin' Hail Colun-
.,.s.sf.8s,s -------~-~--------str fsy,
| Marriage In the mother Of the world
and preserves Kingdoms, and fills cit
les, and churches, heaven Itself. Co
libacy, like the fly I'm the heart OF an
apple, dwells In perpetual sweetness,
but sits alone, and is confined and dies
singularity but marriage, like the usc-
fui bee, builds n house, and gathers
sweetness from every flower, and labors
and unitrs into societies and republics,
and. sends out armies, aud feeds the
world with delicacies, and keeps order,
and promotes the interest OF mankind,
and In that state Of good things to
which God hath Designed the present
constitution OF the wprld. .--Jercny Toy
Tor.
A MysTERy Rev. Mr..
--------, OF Lawrence Mass., 10 q bachelor.
Noticing, early In the season, tint one
A - ,x.a,,,J.<r. n ~.s..A fnI.. wsvnn