Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1867-09-06
The .Bosla Billings Papers.

9nO Osum ADVISE. q
Mi yung friend. yu are about tew begin
life, and although it may seem dredful i'm
possible tew yu, nevertheless yu will be
liable tew make some mistakes while
yu are scoring, or during the fust mile or
two. 1g<kF s wW
/ Let me mix up little advise for yu tew
take till yu git tew trotting stiddy.
/ Yu will observe the advise IL designed
for young gentlemen who show sum sighns
ov speed, and also thati reazon right from
the shoulder ~stfte aei 4na 2Tai} E g 49,
1. Treat the old man and the old woman
az yure equals smile when they exhort,
and laff when they intreat, for no yung
man kan hope for suckcess in the orna-
mental walks Nv life who don't wear the
belt at home H. Pm II'II III Z
2. If yu kant raze a mustash, commit
suicide at once and begin agin.; for it is
better tew die than tn suffer disgrace.
3. Cultivate impudense-impudense IL
good substitute for bravery-only be lit
tie keerful tew pick yure customers when
yu try it. .I3I}{9 1fkTII
T. Keep trotter and fiteing rooster.
Theze animals will let yu into the konfi-
dense ov men who will watch over yure
morals and nuss yure genius.
g. Avoid the old fogys; they are mis-
erabel set ov coWardly croakers, who, like
a third rate dorg, have larnt what little
they kno about virtew hi simply being
overmatched in fair fight, an
6. Suspekt aul femail virtew. This will
Civ WI an eazy flow of ambiguous languag
while in the sosity of the ladys, and enabel
yu tew awaken combustion, which yu kan
kali sumthing else. F@NA "a # q
7.eIfyu git desprit, and must marry,
marry for ducats-marrying for blud or for
luv il too sloppy for man of spirits Luv
IL low pashun, and iz designed for 2 story
houses on one ov the back streest, not for
abrown stun 'front.' sai Sa'iiot = @}'3' s'5 {
8! Ri all means learn tn sware, and
smoke freely, and don't ever mistake rain
water for milk punch, unless yu want
soft thing.
9. Ca1l religion q stock iobber's pigeon
to ketch flats with say that virtew liz only
the galvanized impotence ov towards; that
Wisdum IL but an egg that IL added; ,laf at
aul things that are sollem, and sware that
Backus and Venus are the only two gods
fit tew be worshiped.
FYung man, cultivate all the above
graces, and add to them what the ardor of
you're genius may inspire, and if the boss
jockeys and pimps generally don't say
you are cuss of the brightest hew, and if
the devil don't make yu some fattermg
proposals, the days of chivalry are posi-
lively over, and pudding and milk has got
more glory into it than a brandy smash,
rum sour, or even thomas and jerry. .
la X X x 4 x
"a Yung man "a flu words with yu in pri-
vate), let these cheerful remarks settle
down into yu when yu git to rehekting at
10 o'clock snm rainy mite -,y,,
Z Don't makea fool of yurself by trieing
to jump 65 feet at the jump and land
among the Bernoys at onst, but examine
yure bid clussly and see if yu amt better
akon strukted for sumthing honest.
But if yu find yu must go to dispair, then
put on aul the steam yu can carry, and
either bust or git thare az soon az possibeL.
P. S.-When yu git thare and hav had
enuf ov it, just drop me a.line and will
see what ken be did for yu, But don't for
git one thing--that the road back is three
times az fur, and is all the way up hill be-
SlQoS.t n H(i .t< siit't< 4tifi if''t.'