Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1867-01-12
WIT AND HUMOR.
when is vessel smaller than {
bonnet? When it is cap-sized.

When is vessel smaller than a
bonnet? When it is cap-sized.
"A patient is in bad way when his
disease is acute and his doctor isn't.
An exchange says lovers, like
armies, generally get along well enough
until they are engaged.
When is Echo like q visiting ac-
quaintance? When she returns your
call.
Why does a sculptor die harder
death than other men? Because he
makes faces and busts.
"A man being requested to define
hard drinking, said, sit was sitting on
rock and slipping cold water"
Why is Buckingham Palace the
cheapest ever erected? Because 1T was
built for one sovereign and finished for
another.
Why is young lady just from
boarding school like a building com
mittee? Because she is ready to re-
ceive proposals.
AN unsocial old Snarl says that
love is combination of diseases-an
affection of the heart and an infamma-
ton of the brain.
"A philosopher who had married a
vulgar but amiable girl, used to call her
"brown sugar." because, he said '.she
was sweet but unrefined.
-sIs it possible Miss, that you don Z
know the names of some of your best
friends ?" inquired a gentleman of a
lady. Certainly" she replied, 81
don't know what my own may be a
year hence"
"A tipsy loafer, who mistook globe
lamp with letters on it for the queen of
night, exclaimed: "I'll be blessed if
somebody hain't stuck an advertise
ment on the moon.
-"Were you guarded in your con-
duct while in New York ?" said father
to his son, who had just returned from
his visit to the city. "Yes, sir, part of
the time by two policemen.
The following advertisement ap.
pears in a Canadian paper:
"Will the gentleman who stole my
melons on last Sabbath night be gener-
Gus enough TO return me a few of the
seeds, as the melons are rare variety?"
The following is deceptiyely pro-
mulgated under the head OF "Zoolog-
ical information" The Black Tapir is
found in many districts of Summarize,
but the Red Taper chiefly in the Dis
trict of Columbia"
"A teacher said to little girl at
school, eff naughty girl should hurt
you, like a good little girl, you would
forgive her, wouldn't you?" Eyes,
marm," she replied, eff l couldn't
catch her -
-"Shall women have Yotes?" asked
stump speaker. Certainly" replied
strong minded woman in the audi
ence. sis woman made only to sew on
buttons? And, if she is, it is against
the law of nature to turn away the
needle from the poll.
-t'Is man and his wife one ?" ask,
ed wife of man in a state of stupe-
faction, as she was holding his aching
head in both hands. Eyes, / suppose
So" was the reply. swell, then, /
came home very drunk last night, " was
the reply, ''and / ought to be ashamed
of myself" Eyes, terrible thing in
woman" was his rejoinder.
--''Young man, what's the price of
this siIk?" asked a deaf old lady.
Seven dollars" was the reply.
Seventeen dollars 20 exclaimed she.
''Ill give you thirteen"
"Seven dollars, ma'am, is the price
of the silk" replied the honest shop
man.
''Oh, seven dollars - reioined the
lady, sharply; ''I'll give you five r.
"A bet was once made in London
that by a single question proposed to
an Englishman, Scotchman and an
Irishman, a characteristic reply would
he elected from each of them. Three
representative laborers were according
ly called in, and separately asked,
"What will you take to run round Rus
sell Square, stripped to the shirtP"-
While the Englishman uuhesitatingly
answered ga pint of porter" the hu-
morous response of the Irishman was,
GA mighty great cowldp The man of
the North, however, instead of condes
scending upon any definite consider
alton, cautiously replied, with an eye
to a good bargain, "What will your
honor gle me?"
Some years since a clergyman in
Litchfield county, CT, was reproving
an old Indian for his cruel and revenge
full conduct toward them that had often
ded him.
"You should love your enemies, +" OBJ
served the parson, "and preserve an
affection for those who hurt you.
81 do love my enemies, " retorted the
son of nature, ''and have a great affec-
ton for them that hurt me-
''No such thing" returned the cler-
gyman ''you don't love your enemies :"
81 do" 3ye.
"Who are the enemies you love %
"Rum and cider |"
The RIGHT OF RAILROAD TRAVELLERS
The right of railroad travellers to have
first-class cars on first-class tickets is IL
Illustrated in the following incident A
Mr w ID na1a of Nau Work bavipn m