The Shasta courier., 1867-04-27
" Mark Twainy on Female suffrage.

"Mlrk Twain, OH Female Suffrage.
In the following letter to the Missouri
Democrat, Mark" expresses his views on
this question:
have read the long list of lady petitioners
in favor of female suffrage, and, as hus-
band and a father, | want to protest against
the whole business. 1t will never do to
allow women to vote. 1t will never do to
allow them to hold Office. You know, and |
know, that if they were granted these priv
iIeses, there would be no more peace on earth.
They would swamp the country with debt.
They like to hold Office too well. They like to
he Mrs President, of the Dorcas Society, or
Mrs. Secretary Jones, of the Hlndoo Aid
Association, or Mrs Treasurer of something
or other. They are fond of the distinction
of the thing, you know they revel in the
sweet jingle of the title They are always
setting up sanctifed confederation of all
kinds, and then running for President of
them They are even so fond of Office that
they are willing to serve without pay. But
YOU allow them to vote, and 60 to the Legis-
lature once. and then see how it will be-
They will 90 to work and start thousand
more societies, and cram them full of salaried
Offices You will see state Of things then
that will stir your feelings to the bottom of
your pockets The first fee bill would exas-
perate you some. Instead of the usual
schedule for Judges, State Printers, Su-
preme Court Clerks, etc., the list will read
something like this:
OFFICERS AND SALARIES.
President Dorcas Society y.................S 1900
Subordinate Officers of same, each 1000
President Ladies' Union Prayer Meeting. 1000
President pawnee Educational Society. 1900
T Iii f.r
nation of Bellies Lettres among the
Shoshones .................. 5,O0O
State Crnoline Directress.... 10, 600
State Superintendent of Waterfals........ 10, 600
State Hair Oil 1nspectress. 10000
State Milliner 10000
You know what state Of anarchy and
social chaos that fee bill would create
Every woman in the Commonwealth of Mis-
souri, would let go everything and run for
State Millner. And instead of yentilating
each others political antecedents, as men do,
they would go straight after each others
private moral character. | know them
they are like my wife, Before the canvass
was three days old it would be an establish
ed proposition that every woman in the State
was no better than she ought to e.
Only think how it would lacerate me to have
an opposition candidate say that about my
wife. That is the idea, you know-havipg
other people say these hard things. Now,
l know that my wife isn't any better than
she ought to be. poor devil-in fact, in mat
tiers of orthodox doctrine, she is particular
" shaky-but still | would not like these
things aired in political contest. | don't
really suppose that that woman will stand
any more show hereafter tban-however, she
may improve-she may even become bea
con light for the saving of others-but if
she does, she will burn rather dim and she
will flicker good deal, too. But, as | was
saying, female political canvass would be
IN outrageous thing.
Think of the torch light professions that
would distress our eyes. Think of the Gu
rious legends on the transparencies
" Robbins forever Vote for Sallie Rob
bins, the only yirtuous candidate in the
field p
And this:
"Chastity, modesty, patriotism Let the
great peopie stand by Maria Sanders, the
champion of morality and progress, and the
only candidate with stainless reputation !"
And this g Vote for Judy McGinniss,
the incorruptble Nine children-one at
the breastw
In that day man shall say to his servant.
.sWhat is the matter with the baby ?" And
the servant shall reply, " 1t has been sick
for hours" And where is its mother ?''-
'She is out electioneering for Salie Rob-
bins" And such conversations as these
shall transpire between ladies and servants
applying for situations +" Can you cook ?''
Yes" "Wash?" 'Yes.n q Do general
housework ?'' Yes" All right; who
is your choice for State Millner ?''A
"Judy McGinniss." We'll, you can
tramp" And women shall talk politics
instead of discussing the fashions and they
shall neglect the duties of the household to
go out and take a drink with candidates
and men shall nurse the baby while their
wives travel to the polls to vote And also
in that day the man who hath beautiful
whiskers shall beat the homely man of wis
dom forGovernor, and the youth who watzes
with exquisite grace shall be Chief of Po-
lice, in preference to the man of practiced
sagacity and determined energy
Every man, take it, has selfish end in
view when he pours out eloquence in behalf
of the public good in the newspapers. and
such is the case with me. | do not want the
privilege of women extended, because nv
wife already holds office in nineteen differ
ent internal female associations, and have
to do all her clerking Ifyou give the women
full sweep with the men in political affairs.
she will proceed to run for every confounded
Office under the new disreusation. That
will finish me. 1t is bound to finish me-
She would not have time to do anything at
all then. and the one solitary thing have
shirked up to the present time, would fall on
me, and my family would go to destruction
for | am not qualified for wet nurse.