Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-08-06
P0ZIayaC0gs and -E121eatS.

What is the only pain we make light of? A
window pane
. When is wine like pigs tooth? When it is
in a hogshead
When is a crop likely to be deceptiye2 When
it is all in your rye.
What great man of rank is most popular with
the children? Sir Gus. -
IF you see a pig sick, what animal would you
name it? Porcupine (pork you plne.}
IA nine days wonder That of the kitten,
which wonders when it is going to see.
Why is a young lady pocket money like OPT
UNI? Because it comes from the poppy.
Why is dishonest bankrupt like an honest
Door man? Because both tdat to get rich.
How may man be known from fatigued
dog One wears shirt, the other pants.
What riches are those that certainly make
themselves riches and fly away? Ost-riches.
Why are the Mary's the most amiable of the
sex? Because they can always be Notified.
How does mother obtain the first impress
of her baby? By setting it up in small caps.
Where is money first mentioned in the bible :?
When the dove brought the green-back to No
ali. --r r--l.-f.-s II e
Why is the country winter like the Black
Crook? Because there are so many bare limbs
to be seen.
The position of an aeronaut must be a very
painful one, from constant tendency there IS
to make him sore
An exchange asserts that there is man in
Georgia so big that he fishes with railroad
line and smokes stove-plpe.
A young lady asked young gentleman which
h. Al If 4Io fuli
"Your ladyships two lips before all the roses in
the world"
A Gloucester paper says there is young la
dy in that town so modest that she will not al
low the Christian Observer to remain all night
In her room. a
''Aunty,' said a three-year one day, II
don't like my aprons to be starched so much
So much starchness makes the stiffness scratch
my bearness. "
1t is rather remarkable that while several
thousand feet are required to make one rood, a
single foot, properly applied, is often sufficient
to make one civil.
The first pair of buckskin breeches seen in
the South Sea Islands were so little understood
that the natives stuffed them with. seaweed, and
had them billed for dinner.
Who went in the lions den? asked Sunday
school teacher of little 'un. Little un did mt
know Teacher thought she would help him.
Don't you know what Dam spells?" Dan
Rice, said the youngster.
An afflicted editor, who is troubled with hand
organs under his window, longs for the sevil
days" mentioned in Ecclesiastes, when the
grinders shall cease because they are few, and
the sound of the grinding shall be low
One exceedingly warm day in July neigh
Dor met an old man, and remarked that it was
very hot. Eyes, says Joe, ''if it was mt for
a thaw" ''What is that?'' inquired his friend
There's nothing froze, says Joe.
In recent number of the Foxtown Fusilier
appears the following kind editorial note
1--WE stop the press with pleasure to announce
the decease of our cotemporary, Mr.. Snaggs,
editor Of the Foxtown Flash. He has gone to
another and better world Persons who have
taken the Flash will find the Fusilier a good
paper.
The following inscription was found on the
head board at a grave in the Sparta Diggins
California
In memory of John Smith, who met violent
death neer this spot Is hundred and 40 too.-
He was shot by his own pistil Itwas not one
of the new kind, but an old fasherned brass bar
rel, and Of such is the kingdom of heaven.
The sun is called masculine from its support
ing and sustaining the moon, and finding her
the wherewithal to shine always as she does of
a night and from his being obliged to keep
such family of stars. The moon is called
feminine, because she is constantly changing,
just like a ship blown about by every wind, and
time is masculine because he trihes with the Ia
dies.