davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18
Old Fun.

Three hundred aud fifty years ago, Wynkyn de Worde, who had his office in Fleet Street, London, tat sygne of the Swannc," published his "Dcmaun }es Joyous" which will show the no- tions of fun which prevailed at that time.
 Ques.-W What bare the best burden that ever was born? Ans.-The ass Shat carried our lady when she fled in- to Egypt with om"Lortl.
 Q.--What became of that ass? A Adams mother ate her.
 Q.-Who was Adam mother? A The earth.
 Q.-How many cows tails would it take to reach from the earth to tho sky A.--No moro than one if it be long enough.
 Q.-What is the distance from the surface of the sea to the deepest part thereof? A.--Only q stones throw. Q.-When Antichrist appears in the world. what. will be the hardest thing for him to understand? A.-A hand- barrow for of that he shall not know which end ought to go foremost.
 Q.-What is it that never was and be never will? A "A mouse's nest in cats car.
 Q.-Why do men make an oven in a town?. A.--Becausc they cannot make Il town i'll an oven. Q.--IIow may man discern COW in a flock of sheep? Ally his eye sight.
 Q.-Wliy doth . COW lie down? A. -Because she cannot sit. Q.--What isfit that never frcezcth A.--Boiling water.
 Q.--Which was the first, the hen or the egg? A.-The hen, at the crea- ton.
 Q.--Ilew many straws go to q goose's nest A.-Not one; for, straws not having feet. cannot go anywhere.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18

A LITTLE PHiLosorHER-Af few Sab baths since Eda was, at her own re- quest, allowed to go to Sabbath-school Tor the first time, and there she leained the startling intelligence she was made of dnst. Little Eda's mind was fully impressed with the importance of the great truth, as was evinced by her fre- Guent reference to the subject in the shape of questions nnanswerabie.
 The other morning, however, she propoundcd sTUNNER which brought down the house. 1ntently. watching her mother sweeping, as if to learn the art she must finally practice, saying not a word, her eyes rested on the little pile of dirt accumulated by the moth- CTS broom. Just as the dirt was to be swept into the street, the little philoso- phcr burst forth with, 'sMa. ma! why don't you save the dust to make some more little girls F
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18
. T6ohnioal Words.

In reading wctreqncntly come acsoss tcchnicals with which VIC are unac- quaintcd, the understanding of which is necessary to give us . correct idea of the subject. To ohviatc this diiiiculy we give a definition of some of the most common:
 A firkin of butter, 56 pounds.
 A sack of coal, 224 pounds.
 A truss of straw, 56 pounds.
 A slave of lepip, B pounds.
 A sack of flour, 2So pounds.
 A piggot Of steel, l20 pounds.
 A quinial, loo pounds.
 A truss of hay, 5d pounds.
 X bash, so bushels.
 A kilderkin. IS gallons.
 A barrel, 36 gallons.
 A hogshcad, 5i gallons.
 A puneheon, St gallons.
 English priecs-currcnt often speak oi the prices of wheat per quarter. To reduce this to barrels, multiply the price by ' and divide by P, and 1t will give the price, at the same rate by tho barrel. Thus, if wheat is quoted at 5G shillings quarter, multiply 56 by [, and divide by l2, and il gives thepricc, B shilliiigs pence barrel.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18
The Coniugating Dutehman.


 Two English gentlemen stepped into a coffee house in Paris, when they ob- served tall, old looking man,who ap- tpcared not to be a native, sitting at a table, and looking around with stone Hike gravity of countcnance upon every object. Soon after the two Fnglish- men entered, one of them told the oth- CT celebrated dwarf had arrived in Paris. At this tho grave looking per- -onagc above mentioned opened his mouth and spoke:
 T arrive, said he, "thou arrivcst, he arrives; we arrive, youarrivc, they ar rive"
 The Englishman, whose remark seemed to have suggested this myste- rious speech, stepped up to the stranger and asked:
 Did you speak to me, sir?'
 q speak" replied the stranger, "thou spcakest, he speaks; we speak, you speak, they speak
 "How is tlis?r said the indignant EngiisIlman, do you mean to insult me?v
 The other replied, T insult, thou in- sultest, he insults, we insult, you insult, they insult.'
 "This is too much,n said the English man, Il will have satisfaction. If you have any spirit with your rudcncss sir. come with ne.
 To this defiance the impurturblc stranger rcplied:
 Il come, thou comcss, lie comes, we come. you come. they come.' And he thcrcupon rose and followed the Eng iishlnan.
 In those days, when every gentleman wore q sword, ducls were speedily dis patched. They went into neighbor- ing alley, and the challenger. tnsheath- ing lis weapon. said to lis antago- 'aist:
 Now, sir, you have got 10 fight me.
 q fight" replied the other, sthou fightest. hc fights, we fight, (hcrc he madea tllrust,) you fight. they fight, and here lie succeeded in disarniing his antagonist.
 "Wcll,a said the Englisffnan, s'you have the best of il, and hope you are satisfied"
 .'f am satisfied" replied inc original, s'thou art satisfied, he is satisfied, we are satisfied, you arc satisfied, they are satisfied.
 T am glad everybody is satisfied" said the EDglishman, but pray, leave off qnizzing me in this strange manner, and tell me what is yonr object in do- ing it.@
 The grave gentleman now. fer the first time, became ineligible.
 II am Dutchman,' said he, sand am learning your language l find it very difficult to remember tho peculiarities of the verbs, and my tutor has advised me, in order to fix them in my mind, to .conjugate every. English verb that I hear spoken. don't like to have my plans broken in upon while they are in operation, or would have told you of it before
 The Englishman laughed heartily at this explanation, and invited the con- jugating Dutchman ts go and dinewith him.
 Il will dine, replied he, s'thou wilt dine, he will dine, we will dine, they will dine--we will all dine together
 This they accordingly did, and it is difficult 10 say whether the Dutchman eat or conjugatcd with most porsevcr- ancc.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18


 ssS~The St. Louis Times sRys: Sour new military Governors are, as Mrs. Toodles would observe, tlic haudiest things a nation can have about the house. They regulate everything. from tho sentiments of a newspaper, down 10 tho color Of ribbon. Tn Charleston, Gen. sickIes. suspends the State laws, arrangcs q iiremcns process sion, regulates tho strcct-cars, supervi- sos the banks, and rcrreshes the lagging spirits of thcloyal Gen. Sheridan cuts moro capers in office than he ever did on horseback, never seeming to tire in making himself obnoxious. He vacates a dozen offices at time, appoints half his soldiers policemen, making. the city pay for it-craeks his whip around the newspapers in evidence of what he will do if they do not subside into in- difference to or praise his mcteoric proceedings. The only person who has yet objected to any of these high handed outrages is Secretary McCul- loch. He does not relish General Siclles interference with the banks, and q telegram informs us his action will be revoked. He can imprison a half dozen citizens--suspcnd a newspa- per for speaking it's sentiments, or vio- iarc the Constitution in any way he chooses with impunity, but he must net run counter to one of the Seereta- rvs regulations.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18

Esy~I have lost flesh, said toper to his companion. No great loss, said the other since you have made it up in spirits.'
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18

VISITING AN Eplroa.--Re sure and make it your daily business to walk up and sec the editor. and don't fail to go in wllistling very loud aud mourniully. Ask the editor 10 show you parlicu- lar paper of his exchanges. Take your seat at the table and hurriediy eom- mence to tear open the exchanges, and scatter thom around as much as possi- ble. You are helping the editor along immensely by this great kindness. and if you will keep it up with religious regularity for a year Or two, some big editor will present you with q pair of boots, CT at least one boot. .Therc are many other ways in which you can be of great assistance in editing newspa- per. "A little .'warhling" now aud then is very agreeable .-FCairo Democrat.
 rsrA true philanthropist and . well trained horse always stop at the sound of wo.
 ssg-The lady who tcok cyerybody's eye, must have quite lot of them.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18

,-s .ave in connection with our LAW mn ATiyE0UT-D0oR COLLECTING , sCY. siaims entrusted 10 us will be- e,tly attended to, and if not immediately #ea will be at once secured if possible. '.aaainst the Government for property e U. $ forces {whother reeeipted sBouSTiss PENSIONS, AaRAAEs of .emptly attended to.
 HlcKsA& FIELDING.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18
Mild Confscation.u

! This sweet circumlocution of the greatest infamy ever designed by any ipolitical schooner is Thad Stevens own.
 He uses it in a letter. published in our telegraph columns, wherein he assails his colleague, Wilson, who, on his radi- cal temperance and abolition spree in Virginia, promises admission of their presentativcs and general amnesty to the iahabitantsof every state who shall elect radicals and temperance fanatics as delegates to their conventions Who Is authorized 10 travel over this country and peddlc out alnnesty? l would say the most guilty expect pun ishmcnt and then quietudc. But first ! MILD coNFIscAT1ox to pay those who have been robbed by. disloyal mem says he immediately after his recovery from severe illness. Ii seems that he. has contracted new case w;fh the devil, under the condition that for the balance of his life he shall out-dcyil Iucifer. To introduce coniiscation in our politics is q monstrosity. Yet, horrid, IS it is, men before him have advocated it in other countries. But, rarsack history, rnnimage all the re- cords medieval torture, one willno discover q parallel to this American radicals MILD coSFIscATioN. It is . ioaslin q cream saucer. It reminds US Of the carpet sn which Inc Russian nos bleinen arc laid, when. for an injurious expression against the czar. they are treated to the bastiGado. II issa capital sentence, pronounced by smiling lips. Eight or ten years ago. somewhere in Illinois, juvenile murderer was to be hung. A stupid editor of a country naper, who was present at the cxecu- ton, entertained his readers with de- scription Of if. He spoke of the NEW IT decorated little carriage, in which the culprit was brought 10 the place ofcx- ecuiioa; Of the NICE white little cap which the ladies had prepared for him. He could not find the end Of all the SIcETIEs of tlic cxeeutiou. Sweet Ste yens is n match for that nice editorial ltoosier. The man who in Inc same breath can speak of naildncss and con iscation exceis even inc atlmiecr of the nice white little caps. He should take en: a patent on the invention of MILD coxFIscAVioS. Ellsworth millions. and eternal dainnasion bcsidcs.--[st. Louis Republican.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18

nsr X calm man is like school. master, because he keeps cool.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
 A. C. PICKETT. T., NJ RAMsAuh'
 P1cKETr. 1Ss xsArIsAURs ATTORNEYS AT LAW,

W,l.r practice in the counties of Woodrun' Jaclson. White and Craighead. Special at tentioa given to collections of all claims en- tr,,stsd fo thcir care apr6-ly
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18

ss-A true philanthropist and . well trained horse always stop at the sound
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18

ESg-The lady who took cverybody's eye, must have quite 2 lot of them.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18
soasos $ MOORE.

J. c. J0NSON, Ofice--West Point, Arkansas, JNO. N. MOORE. Offce-Searcy, Arkansas.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-18

serIn a parish school tho master was examining q class in orthography.- Spell and define flowcrct," said he' "F To CT re.t, floweret, little flow CT" "Wavclet." sWavelct, wave let, a little wave" Bullet "B II l . t., | little bull,' shouted urchin No. three.
Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-09-05
DR. TUcKER'S EXTRA VISIT,

HnR. TUCKER WOULD SAX TO HI
copsuitsd stt6e GOODALE HOUSE dGOlqmSas,
daily till the first Of April.
Df. Tucker Bas nov visited go!ambus IfsesIssly
he is reliable and Successful. The great ~
his practice requifes this extra visit to accon o,
enumerate the 9ni ~ 'sDHtol4 guy n7f,st ~
] ENuRE LIST OF CHRONIC DIsEAsEsyue,
but win merely say my speciality Is YHE WHOLE
4 mch90-tk .HgifHT bal
Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-09-05
= " = -
TO LADIES.


If you require reliable remedy to restore you,
and remove Irregularitie DISTINCTIONS, why not
use the best ftr.l .C.LfE ii lEl- I'D Itl
Every lady knows the slightest irregularity of ma
ture is liable to bring on Headache, Gddiness, Low
Spuits, Painting Mysteries. &c. then the bloom of
health fades, the appetite fails, and other symptoms
more distressing commence, as Weakness, Spinal
Complaint, the Whites, Prolapsus. &C., &c, A
never failing remedy will be found in tt9 '-.'
DIR. HARVEY'S FEMALE PILLS. s
The experience Of thir years has proved they
have no equal for Removing Distractions and Ir
regularities. NO MATTER FROM WHAT CAUSE THEY
ARISE. Thes are safe and sure in every case. Up
wards of $4,000 boxes are sold annually and no com
plant of their efficacy is ever heard, for they ac-
complish what they are represented to do.
Sold in boxes OOntdiniR1 Siety PiAs. Price One
Dollar. .-....-..-,. ..--.,.7 .-r ...--! -..g e
DIR. HARVEY,S GOLDEN PILLS
is q remedy four degrees stronger ii an the above
and intended for special cases of long standing. "a
'- Price Five Dollars per Box.
If you cannot purchase the Pills of your Drug
gist. they will be sent by mail post paid, secure
from observation, on receipt of the money, by DR..
JAMES BRYAN, Consulting Physician. Sls Broad
way. New York. For sale BY Druggists generally. ,
Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-09-05

A. NJ Will stop at Delaware, CArdington.. .Gilead,s
Gallon. Crestline, Shelby, New London, WeIling-
ton, Grafton and Berea. arriving at Cleveland ss5
Sund., nsSs b1t p6t 80 M train
NO. iACCQMM0DATlUN-L Coluubnsi /
at 500 A. M: Will stop at all way stations. This
NV YORK EXPREsS-Lee1s. 1sH Columbus At.
ll:1O A. M. will stop at Delaware. .Cardington GAL
ieo, Crestline. Shelby, New London. Weliinston. =
sna next as9 SIS .,
MAIL AND EXPRESS- Leaves Columbus ut AIS
P. iN.cWill stop at Worthibgton, Lewis Center
New LandOn. WeinstoE, Grafton H and BeIes aS AT:
SPRINGFIELD ACCOMMODATION VIA DEL
stop at ali stations between Columbus and Sprina-
field. arriving at Delaware at 4:5O P. NJ, Springfed
I:s5 NJ. This train leaves Springfield at tbs A.
Ma M s1riysss At Delaware at s55 A. A.; Colunbus
Patent SIeepingC Cars are run ON aIl4
Night Trains TO Chicago,
/ ,-g New York and ..-.....r
~ '1''N BOsIOm. i"-i' r'i4- sii-
/ -f-i+5 1aIl-f. fgssa l--a--Hs17s sd5 itn1 ls.507
~ Baggage checked through to Nov York and, !;
Sostop, via Cleyeland alse, to, Philadelphis and
7 - - NV RETURNING: -i5c IN -.,
Night Express arrives at Columbus at E05 A. NJ.
Cincinnati Express arrives at Columbus at l2.o0 I
Mail Train arrives at Columbus at $50 NJ. D1s
SPTingheld Accommodation arrives at Columbus 2
at JOSS \. M. -
Fare as Low as BY any Other RoItsso >
Ask for Tickets via CrestIine or Cleveland. If 10
E. 8. FLINT, .au.31i.s
Superintendent, Cleveland, Ohio.
so -- -oITAff '-f JAMES PATTERSON.
Columbus. April 20, 1867 Ss'n'' e0ienO 'ohi'' 2i
Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-09-05
ASTROLOGY..a,.'n .'ai nj
THE WORLD AS7OgIsHED
AT THE WONDERFUL REVELATIONS -..-
MADE BY THE GREAT PSYCHOLOGIST
Madame HI. A. PERRIGO.

She reveals secrets no mortal ever knew. She
restores to happiness those who from doefu events,
catastrophes in love. loss of relations and
friends loss of money. &c, have become despondent.
She brings together those long separated gives in
formation concerning absent friends or lovers,
stores lost ST len property, tells you the business
you best qualified to pursue and in what you will
be most successful causes speedy marriages and tells
you the very day will marry gives you the nameI
likeness and characteristics of the person. She
reads your very thoughts, and by her almost super
natural powors unveils the dark and hidden myste-
ries of the future. From the stars we see in the
frmament-the malefc stars thal overcome pre-
dominate in the coDfguraton-f the aspects and
positions of the planets and the fixed stars in the
heavens at the time Of birth. she deduces the flu
ture destiny of man. Fail not to consult the great
Astrologst earth. 1t costs but trie. and
you may never agaiG have SO favorable opportu-
sired information, 81. Parties living at distance
can consult the Madame by mail with equal safety
and satisfaction to themselves, as if in person.
full and explicit chart, written out, with
all inquiries answered and likeness nclosed. sent by
mail on receipt, of price above mentioned. The
strctest secresy will be maintained aud all cores
poDdence returned or destroyed. References of the
highest order furnished those desiring them. Write
plainly the day of the month and year in which you
were born, inclosing small lock of hair. .tr7
Address, MADAME H. A. PERRIG0,
Nt p. u. DRAWER 2s3, BUFFALO, N. Y.
mar25-dawly .-. . '.-s.f ..,a- g.. .....
Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-09-05
/ i YOUTHFUL INDIsCRET1ON.
Ell Is NECESSARY.
MORE VALUABLE THAN GOLD!
LIFE PILLS

REMovE HEADACaE, DIZZINESS, GIDDINEss
DRowsfNEss. UNPLEASANT DREAMS. DnM-
.eis NESS OF SIeHT, INDIGESTION, slI'Fs
CLEANSE THE STOMACH AND . t
u. tiht 9t BOWELS, SiIiif'!.' -..h-t so.
Insure NEW LIFE in the debilitated, and aG
Restore the Sick 10 Perfect Health.
PUREI VEGETABLE. ,- III .,-
Try them! Tn yonly cost IS cents, and If you
cannot get them Of your Druggist. send the money to
DIR. JANIS BRYAN. Consulting Physician. u.
S19 broadway New York, +,
And they will be sent by return OF mail. post paid
For sale by Druggists generally. dec2o-d&Wlyl .
Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-09-05
-o.rs AFFLICTED!g aa.
SUFFER NO MORE

When by the use of DIR. JOINVILLE'SE ELK
Err you can be cured permanently, and at q trifing
cost. "a : - -1-tF 3-I 1s4Ly: !
The astonishing success which has attended this
Invaluable medicine for Physical and Nervous
Weakness, General Debility and Prostitution, Loss
of Muscular Energy. lmpotency, any of the con-
sequences Of youthful indscretion, renders it the
most valuable preparation ever discovered. -
1t will remove all nervous Affections depression,
excitement incapaeity to study business loss of
memory, confusion, thoughts of self destruction.
fears of insanity &C. 1t will restore the appetite,
renew the health of those who have destroyed it by
sensual excess or evil practices.
Young Men. be humbnRged no more by "Quaek
Doctors" and Ignorant practitioners, but send
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to health and happiness. A Perfect cure is Guar
anteed in every instance Price, 81 or four bottles
to one address. g. prs fril
One bottle is sufficient to effect acure in all ordin-
ALSO. DR. JOINyILLE'S SPECIFIC PILLS,
for the speedy and permanent cure of Gonorrhea,
elect, Urethra DISCHARGES, Gravel. Structure, and
all affections of the Kidneys and Bladder, Cures
effected in from TO five days. They are prepared
from vegetable extracts that harmless on the
system. and never nauseate the stomach or impreg-
nate the breath. No change of diet is necessary
while using them, nor does their action in any
interfere with business pursuits. Price, 81 per
box. p E Ib q @tta :. 1..i1Ett -ir"llh
Either of the aforementioned articles will be
sent to any address, closely sealed and post paid
by mail express on receipt Of price. Address all
~ y BERGER, SHUTS L Co.. Chemists.
1nar25-daw1y -''1N -
Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-09-05

There cometh glad tidings of joy to all,
To young and to old, tb great and to small;
The beauty which once was 50 precious and rare
Is free for all. and all may be fair.
nv the use of tH7T9I ~ vi. tlli 30 4'i7
Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-09-05
YOUNG MEN

YOUNG MEN -----
The experience of the, past ten years has demon
strated the fact that tho utmost reliance may be
placed in the efficacy of 81 -
t-oL 5CBELL,S SPECIFIC PILLS, s9
for the speedy and permanent cure Of Seminal
Weakness, Emissions, Physical and Nervous De-
biity. Impotence or want of power, the result of
sexual excess, or
eds YOUTHFUL INDISCRET1ON, 1t'
which, neglected. ruins the happiness and units the
sufferer for Business, Social Society or Marriage.
and often terminates in an untimely grave. Make
no delay in seeking the remedy. Bells Specific
Pills be used without detection or interference
with business pursuits. Naf s.'iri-t - f-,'i til
NO CHANGEOF DIET Is NECESSARY.
They are entirely vegetable, and perfectly harm
less the SYSTEM Each box contains go pills, with
full directions and treatise on the consequences
and cure. Price One Dollar. Beware of counter
feits If you cannot procure them of your Drug
gist, send the money to Dr. JAMES BRYA AN, Consult
Ing Physician, Sl9 Broadway, New York, and they
will be sent by return OF mail. free from observa-
tion. For sale by druggists generany.rr..rt -'s5.
Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-09-05
0gIo Statesman,


Showing the arrival ana departure az trsins at &C.
ohnbos, Ohio. On and after Monday. April 10 1sS7
rains Will run IS followsslCifrsz 81 10 ~lIsR
CLEVELAND. Coluu hua n Csusef n. n.
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-06-28
Philadelphia Trads Rsport.

FRIDAY, June 2S-The Flour Market, although
quiet. is firmer. The demand is entirely from
the home consumers, who purchased q few
hundred barrels at sS@s'5O y bbl. for superfine;
S9@975 for extras; $1O@l2 for Northwestern
extra family; $IO@125O for Pennsylvania and
Ohio; and sl2@I450 for fancy brands, according
70 quality. The last sale of Rye Flour was az
T25. Nothing doing in Corn Meal. - : - =,
There is quite agood inquiry for prime Wheat
and prices are higher. Sales of 2lOO bushels
good and choice Pennsylvania red &C 828O@2y75
Rye has advanced. Sales of 400 bushels PENN
sylvania at Sl'55. Corn is scarce and higher
Sales OF 5000 bushels yellow, in store, at SI,l3@
Oats are unchanged Sales of Pennsyivania al
S@82c. No change to notice in either Barley
or Malt.
The sale Of small lot OF No. IIOuercitron
Bark was reported at $40 p ton.
Whisky-Held at SOC. . gallon. In bond.
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-06-28
The President at Trenton.

TRENTON. June 2s.-The Presidential party
occupied the same special car Of the Philadel-
phia, Wilmington and Baltimore RaIlroa
Company which brought hither last Friday
now, as then, under the safe conduct of Charlie
]. Apple. The crowd at the Jersey City depot
cheered the President on his departure.
A telegram has been sent TO Governor Swami,
OF Maryland, by the President, saying that he
would be governed by the arrangements already
made for visiting Annapolis this afternoon, to
meet by special invitation, the members of the
Constitutional Convention.
Trenton was reached about IL o'clock, and
here the President was greeted by those at the
danOt