The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1867-05-14
The second Baby.

! -
! An affectionate father, blessed with a
second baby, thus announced the fact to
| the world: azl
| By gosh, we've got another baby, just
like t'other, they'd been twins, only one
come along two years ahead. It's got the
same old squall, yclls like blue blazes,
and keeps splitting milk. I held it the
other night while the ssnuss was hunting
|up the ''lixer pro-" Well, 20 matter, but
| I wont trot it again soon, if I do. my
I"wardrobe" may bo aspiled," it sung
sweetly all the while until | gave it a
lslight dig in the back which made her
collapse, and if you'd have seen this. J /.
lW. B., you'd have thoughtit was aleyely
Icollapse, too. aExperience is q wise
schoolmaster.n I've laid IN stock Of
wet goods for ii, seventy stlsee bottles Of
teething syrup, three quarts Of patent
suicide laudanum, two dozen bottles of
IGodfrey's cordial, so as to treat her COR
daily, barrel and three pints of pare
lgoric. 1 got the three pints, SO if the
barrel gives out some dark night, in the
middle of thunder storm, I'll be sure to
have one dose left. I was brought up to
believe mans house was his castle, but
I'm darned if I aint mighty small pota-
toes in the new baby season; the ''nuss"
is boss, and carries the keys of the castle
gate, and she amuses herself by trying to
see that don't have laundering bit Of
comfort, she keeps me in the kitchen
Watching to see the "gruel bile" or
"daubing" mustard on square bits of
cloth with the handle of spoon marked
l"J. W. B." I can't drink the baby's
paregoric without the "nuss" smelling il, !,
and telling my better or worse that I've
been drinking whisky, and am drunken
brute. Then I'm summoned to her bed
side, and told that ssif she should die I'd
remember this, and ''nussp will say poor
thing, and next day tell all my neighbors
how my brutal treatment is killing my
wife, and how the poor, dear thing ssbs
herself to sleep every night, and I feel as
sheepish as though I'd been indicted for
stealing kindling wood from graveyard.
The baby's breath is as sour as ten-day
old buttermilk; its mouth vhen shat ain Il
bigger than a worm hole in hickory
nut; it's generally open, and as big as a
stove pipe hole. When she was two days
old I gave her real bone toothpick, to-
get the ''chunks' of curdled milk out of
her teeth, who laughed at me, and I look
ed and found that she was deformed. for
she was born with nothing to chew with.
1t wss coming regular gun, game on me;
but / had to put up with it. She has a
tongue just about as big as my palate,
and all stained white; it will swallow a
quart bowl talgof milk and then You can.
put baby, milk and all, into the bowl and
not half I'LL it.
1t amt got but three hairs, and wife
prefers combing them straight to curling.
Its complexion is the color of a mahoga
ny wash stand, and its body the shape of
a peanut. She has good voice for tenor
eleven o'clock nights, bat I've got an or
thodox way of shutting her up, take
her by the bottom Of her long white
dress, let her head hang down, and swing
her gently backward and forward, keeping
time with the pendulum of the clock, if
she is gerry noisy, let her head rub on
the Brussels carpet; then let up little,
and as see her breath coming back, |
throw in little more swing; by way Of
dessert, 1 puff little killikinick tobacco
smoke down her throat, which makes her
as mad as the deuce, and it makes her
squirm, too; but tell wife it's good for
] worms, and / should think it ought to be-,
if it aint; she is mighty independent, and
don't care any more for the memory of
George Washington than she does for the
backbone of catfish, and thinks more
of sugar-teat than of Andy Johnson
or any other man; she is so partial to
yeH.ow, I think she viii make good ab-
olitienist. Doc. says there is no use buy
ling flannel in small quantities every two
years, and that | had better lay it by in
the case. I limited l hoped butter would
come down, as my children were so well
bred they would require large doses; he
told me that must not think Of the ex-
lpenses, only to think what help they
would be to me. I sighed, and asked
when? And when thought aohat soas IN
store for me in the future, I thought it
would take mighty big store to supply
them. We are going to have that yoang
dumping christened just assoon as she'l Il
make bundle big enough to carry out,
and drop Of water wont drown her
We've hunted over all the gal lie, sacks
ON, sell tick, and greasy enn names, but
have concluded to wait until wife and me
both dream one name the same night
| We want something IDEAL. for what we
have of her now is all real I guess
you'd think SO to see me gliding around
| the room On tiptoe in the still hour Of
midnight, shivering with cold, and hold
ing little tin sauce pan over the gas.
Hight, swearing clear down in my stom-
ach, waiting for the milk to sbile, it takes
longer to ''bile" two sills of milk for yell
Hing baby than it does to get up steam on
an ocean steamer. l can ''bile over doz-
en- times before the milk will once; then
Ifor sleepy head Of the family tits delight
full exercise to "by- baby" around the
room sticking stray pins IN your feet, t,and
swinging a cross baby to and fro; darn it,
/ always feel like giving them quart
measure ofcarpet tacks;she was four hours
/ the other day swallowing half salt spoon
/ full OF hash, and the mother gave me rats
| for feeding her and sent for doc, he came,
put his ear on her chest, shook his head
i ordered tenth of drop of castor oil
I'll IL = 4