Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1867-09-05
THE BACHELORS ESCAPE.

AAA 4AOAAAVAs " AHVAA 1e
If ever there was a foreordain
: led bachelor that man was Majo
Teller. Some men are born tt
, old bachelorhood-others hav,
r old bachelorhood thrust upol
them; and to the former clas
belonged our Major. You coult
! have picked him outin a multitude
if he had been labeled, like ar
antediluvian fossil, or driel
specimen of entomology, there
couldn't have been more certainty
In the matter.
i He was a dapper, thin little
man, something under five feet in
height, with a glossy black wig,
closely trimmed side whiskers,
and costume SO daintily neat that
he reminded you of a shining
black cat! He took Turkish
bath in the morning, and a Rus
sian bath in the evening; he came
home to dinner at twelve precisely,
and went to bed at eleven at night,
with his boots standing at the
foot of his bed, and his stockings
at the head, and his wig elevated
on the gas fixture; and every
chair in the room standing at right
angles with the wall.
1t was high noon on a sparkling,
windy March day when Major Tel
Ter came home to the antique
downtown boarding house, where
he had vegetated for the last twen-
ty years, and went to his own
room to brush his wig for the mid
day meal. Opening the door he
stumbled over an obstacle in the
way.
ooh, 1 beg your pardon, I'm
sure," said the Major, turning
very red, and recovering his foot
ing with difficulty.
1t was Miss Patience Pettigrew,
on her hands and knees, cleaning
off the oil-cloth at the door!
Now the Major was afraid of
Patience-afraid of her as the
plump lamb fears the gaunt wolf,
or the unofending robin the dire
serpent. Miss Patience was tall
and lean and sallow, but she curl
ed her hair, and wore an artificial
rose over her left ear, and sang
little whistling tunes to a little
spindle legged piano, and firmly
believed that if she only waited a
little longer she should get mar
ried to somebody! And because
the Major sat opposite her at the
table-Miss Patience helped her
widowed sister "keep house" and
served out the gravy and sauces
.and regarded her artificial rose
and bears greasy curls with q
sort of fearful fascination, Miss |
Patience somehow opined that |
she should one day, Cupid willing, |
become Mrs. Major Teller!
"It's of no consequence, Major"
said Miss Patience, recovering her |
piece of soap, which had skirmish- |
ed out to the middle of the car
pet. 81 hope your fire isn't outg'
"Thank you, ma'am: it's very |
good"
81 do wonder, Major" said Miss
Patience, with a premonitory gig |
gle, "why you never got married."
The Major retired precipitately
behind the coal shuttle, and made
40 reply.
"You'd be SO much more COM
'ortable, you know" added Miss
Patience, wringing out her wool.
N cloth, and looking so lovingly
IN the Major that he retired still
arther into his wardrobe, where,
lmong the swinging efigies of
,oats and trowsers he felt compar-
ltively safe.
Miss Patience hesitated a mo-
nent, and in that moment the
Major felt all the anticipatory
lgonies of being pursued, captured,
forth, and possibly mar
led before he could get breath to
emonstratel But she finally
ook up her pail and vanished.
"Dear me, that was a narrow
thought our hero, emer-
ing from his sanctuary, "Some
Law she'll be too much for me.
Perhaps I had better change my
place. Yes-that will
,e the only safety. ] suppose /
ouldn't very well have her sworn
,yer to keep the peace, and, real J