The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1867-07-27
Buoget Of finn.


Somebody says the ladies pet animals are West
'Ointers.
A "great brute of husband" advertises in the
forming papers for stout, ablebodied man to
old his wife's tongue.
A writer IN one of our local papers speaks of
friend of his that has always been accustomed
the penis the friend an author or a goose
sheep.
Why are radishes like Geographic dispatches ?
he most natural reply is, because they are rela d.
he real answer, however, is because both must
e taken cum grdii0 salts.
"What is the difference twixt a watch and q
edder bed, Sam" 'Dunno-gin it up" BE
ause de tickin of de the watch is on de inside
nd de tickin OF de bed is on de outside"
Jones and Brown met at the post Office Jones
1mplains of bad smell about the office and
SKIS Brown what it can be. Brown dosen't know
Mess it may be the large number of dead ltters.
An afflicted editor, who is troubled with hand
rgans under his window, longs for the "eyil
avs mentioned in Ecclesiastes. when the
grinders shall cease because they are few" and
he 'sound of the grinding shall be "low."
81 believe that mine will be the fate of Abel"
40 wife to her husband one day "Why so."
iquired the husband. Because Abel was kill
by club, and your club will kill me if YOU
>ntinue to go to it every night
A horrible crime is reported from the east side
town. In the calm of the evening-with moth
.g to provoke or extenuate such crime-a bal
't-glrl retired to her own room and executed
er grant pas. The coroner has not been mott
ed.
A countryman going to market with a load of
ork, was met by young girl who very genteel-
made him low courtesy, when he exclaimed:
what. do you make courtesy 10 dead hogs.r
"No, sir, answered the girl, "to a live one-
AT council Of Generals, early in the war; one
marked that Major - was wounded, and
ould not be able 20 perform duty that was
signed him. "Wounded.' said Stonewall Jack
IN ''if it really is so, think it must have been
y the accidental discharge of his duty"
Jones has been telling Robinson one Of his
hitting stories.) Rodinson--"Ya-as, it's very
inny Jones-Then, why the deuce don't you
ugh Z" Rojtnon-"My dear fcllah, l would
it'll pleasure, but daren'. display any emotion
these trousers are so tremendous tight !"
Two old friends met, not long since. after
paration of thirty-fve years. well Tom" said
ne, show has the world gone with you, old bow
arried YETI "Yes, and I've got family you
mt match-seven boys and one girl II can
stch it exactly was the reply, "for have sew.
i girls and one boy"
A lover who was sighted by the females, very
obesity asked a young lady if she would let
m spend the evening with her
NO. she angrily replied; 'that's what I
ont"
why replied he, "you needn't be so fussy
didn't mean this evening, but some stormy one
hen can't go anywhere else
In school recently teacher took occasion 70
late an anecdotc Of the little girl who tried TO
overcome evil with good" by giving a new Tes-
.ment TO a boy who had ill.treated her. The
DRY was appreciated, for few minutes after
ards one boy struck another. and being asked
re reason. said he was trying to get a Tesla
ent. This was practical bearing altogether
Unexpected.
Brooklyn Presbyterian, who has ereat faith
Catechism aud teaches it with pertinacity
at would challenge The elimination Of Luther
/ Calvin, was putting the youngest Of. four
rough course one day, when the question
me up, who tempted Eve?- The little fell.
", after few moments thought with an air
confidence exclaimed, "It's the gentleman who
res in hell; I've forgptsen his name IF1 t'TEa|
When the cholera was in the south of England.
native Of Hungary heard that in a certain viii
ge it attacked Gully men. Hoping to escape
e disease, he disguised himself as female with
e utmost care and secrcsy, and went to live in
e favored village. Soon after his arrival, he
as, however, attacked with the worst symptoms
the disorder, and in his agony exclaimed,
Alas, alas whe could have betrayed my sex -
An Irish workman on the Hoosac tunnel. in
,nversation the other day with curious Clergy.
an who had penetrated to the end of the great
pre-, advanced an argument for the enterprise
lat had been quite overlooked by its friends:
Patrick, do you think this tunnel will ever be 1
nished z" 'Sure, your honor, sure if there's
,wder enough TO blow it through" "But it's
'ng way to go'5 ayes, your honor, but we've
ot mile already. SIR III you do get through,
. you think it will ever pay y PAY no, to be
Ire. twill not pay, but twill be a great orna.
tent to society, sir ~ .,y7ay ,,aosDgr Z .,. .,sa
How THEY DO IT IN BosroN.-lThe1c state
Unstable runs all the hotels in Boston," sturdily
,served the keeper of house in that city the
her day. "a ~
"But if you want anything to drink" he added
dressing thirsty, traveller, "sit down at the
,ble yonder, and order what you please"
This is the way the Yankee gets his liquor
o public bar is'permitted. and the price of a
inner is added to the cost Of a drink"
DEcAYED TEETH are indicative of disorder
l stomach. Acidity of the stomach has very
eleterious effect ON the teeth. Co.'s DYSPEPSIA
'URE neutralizes immediately. 1t is the most
owerful corrector FOX the stomach known.