Brownlow's Knoxville Whig. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1866-1869, 1867-04-17
Che 8mazgilIe aEhia.
Knoxville, Tenn, April q. Issl
Nasty.

lnr. NdS6y'S Board Commence the Compute
ton Of Series Of School Books for IN
"InStitoot" and the South Generally Oh
are ThacaTted By the PerUerse Joe b'g'er,
PosT OTTTs, CoSFKDRIT x ROADS,
(Which is in the Stait nv kentneAs's
$50 e.. February 20, 1867.
The InstitOot is, / may say, suoG10D
Contributions flow in slowly but SnoG d. y
fast enuff indeed to give each nv tne DU IN
4 new sci nv close. and We, speshelly, W.
bev the 6rzt handlin Nv the money, $50 a..'..
otbor .o,nforts But that corner -svul..
troubles ms Sum hundreds NV PGop oIS So So
tb.t : hottie nv likker and greenpach wac :aa
danos;tod under II. and regleriy every hI1e
its bin overturned by pelslns - we bniIt
them relics At great .e A. POroo ol,e;n no ac-
orto Il a section NV wall, put hlaAein ~ az
onvo - . SS ,, expenditoor, they overturned
.Oun. = I'm bisted sign-board bearln TINS
49,. aTbe whisky is gone ana the
peenI oL also" signed by the Board, but
eIo0I lie nv the citizens Nv that lokalIty
9 I I'D and tother-d didn't hev the nessary
uOns in the truthfulness Nv the Board
- ,,revent EN- from going for the artikles,
tho the very knowledge NV us Whlcn
brought about this state nv disbelief shood,
one wood suppose, .heT Taught EN- that tne
greenback and likker coodnt possibly De
Their after so long period ez he'd ensood-
So ez a last resort we stuck two posts 10
the ground and drawd an iron chain over
it. That got en- Force is about the only
thing nv any account in this country.
The Board met lest mite at the Post Ofhs,
witch ontil we git the Institoot built, Will be
the Headquarters Nv the Trustees; to con-
slider the propriety w publishin series NV
skool-books adaptid especially to the South
ern intcIleck and calculated partikelerly to
keen alive in the minds NV the buddin
vooths Nv the late Confedracy, witch is IN
fortnitly deceest, lively opinion nv them
selves and correspondent hatred Nv Moo
England and the North generally. We
hev he'd serious doubts whether proper
ideas Good be instilled into yooth from a
book written by a Boston man, printed in
Cincinnati, onto paper made in New York
submitted to the board a example for a
new arithmetic, to-wit:
A Yankee sent a substitoot into the
Federal army at a cost Nv $1,000, passin of
orto him two counterfeit ton dollar notes
To mako up the expenditoor, be to wunst
swindles innocent Kentuckian out Nv 500
n
a Western land trade, and the balance he
makes up by sellin wooden nutmegs, WITCH
he turns out NV bass wood at profit NV
cents per one. The CRATE moral question
is, how many putmegs must this ingenious
but unprincipled cuss manufaktur, and how
long does it take him with the improved
machinery they hev to do it?
The Southern soliers at the battle Nv the
first Bull, Run captured Is Federals, one NV
whom he'd upon his person S12 IN greenbax
and tothers SS each. How many nv John
sons postmasters Good be bought with the
proceeds NV the capcher?
Deekin Pogram approved nv these OK
amplcs, but he kept insistin that there
wuznt enuf in EN- TO fire the Southern
heart. The Southern beart wu1 a perpe-
tooal faneral pile witch needed continyooal
frin. Onless fired it wuz a gloomy mass
NV worry onsightly black cinders. BE pro-
posed that the forthcomin book shood be
coal oil on the slumberin embers nv the
yoothfal Southern heart. he he'd a ex-
ample
The battle NV Chiczamauga wuZ fought a
certin number NV miles from Chattanooga.
One regiment nv Confedrit soljors druV a
town. Allowin that each Fedral, ez we'll ez
Confcdrit, he'd two legs, how many more
steps did the Fedrals take TO git en- into
Chattanooga, when they wuz comparative
ly safe from Confedrit rage and valor and
dasch, than it did the Confedrits TO drive
en- ther2
Bascom remarkt that he he'd one wich
he felt it his dooty to perpose:
A strikly conscienshus grosery keeper
starts in biznis worth four hundred dollars
in clean cash. He pays for his whiskey
two dollars per gallon in Louisville, aud hez
for regular customer a Postmaster, which
drinks forty to sixty times per day, and
aIluz tells him 10 "jist chalk it down" Re-
quired, the length NV time necessary to
bust under them afflictin circumstances
Bascom romarkt that long before the
book appears in print, he wood be able to
furnish the ansor 10 that little problem.
Considorin the example dug direct at me,
wuz NV a noshen TO retort but Their wuz
SIGH a look nv injcrd innosense onto Bas-
CONS countenance that RELY l coodent.
Suthin must be done for Bascom-I hev
lived onter him too long. The next con-
tribushen reseeve from trends north, shell
be devoted 20 liquidatin, in part, the bebt /
owe him. / Good bust him, by not givin at
least cost for his likker, but what follows
There's the rub Wood he who come after
give me credit? Better bear the ills We hev
than fly to them 10 witch we hevnt been in
terdoOst.
Joe Bigler, the drunken Coniederit solier.
happened in, and heard the last two exam
pies, and remarkt that he Good furnish us
any number NV examples at site. We never
stop Joseph in anything he proposes to do
for he hex habit NV carrying a navy
revolver slung TO him and he shoots. Jo-
seph wuE, therefore, permitted to perceed.
IF a Southern man pants for his rites, and
6tes four years for EN-, gittin licked like the
devil, how long after is il advisable for him
% continyoo TO pant, pervided he didn't
know at the beginnin wat his rites wuz?
venchered to remark that solushen
Nv that problem wuz impossible Their bein
no pint TO work departure from, to WITCH
Joseph remarkt that perhaps it was faulty
in that parsikeler, but he he'd others:
III one Southern solier kin whip five
Northern solers, why in bloody thunder
they hcvin he'd a sufiishency NV opportoon.
tiles NV doin it, didn't the South gain her
independence
Ef ftin four years, and losiD every dog
goued cents worth ov property man he'd
wrz profitable biSnis, how many struggles
for independence wood a man NV modrit
means be justified in goin thru writh7
III two gallons and a half nv Kentucky
whisky kin be Cos from a bushel nv corn.
how many Dimocratic voters takin vounC