Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-07-19


grew on as usual, and ell by means OF con-
slant stirring of the soil.-Rural NJ Porker.
a|ual0rplls.
'q'LL give that girl piece Of my mind, y
exclaimed certain young fellow.
''I wouldn't" replied his uncle, 'you have
none to spare"
WHEN Haddix's wife kicked him out of bed
on cold night, said he, 'Look here nowl
you better not do that again; if you do it will
cause GOODNESS in the family
81 HATE to hear people talking behind ones
back, p as the robber said when the constable
was chasing him and crying "stop thief"
A nor on 'the light fantastic toe" may be
pleasant but not when you hop on the light
fantastic toe of your neIghbor.
81 HAVE gone into silk business" said
man to his neighbor $50 l supposed, as |
saw you reeling home last NIGH"
A MOTHER wrote to her son: "COme
home, John, as a rolling stone gathers no
moss" He replied ''No mother, setting
hen never grows fet."
'sMY son." said man of doubtful morals,
putting his hand upon young urchin's shoul-
der, II believe Satan has got hold of YOU"
fI believe so too, was the prompt reply.
AN Irishman, ON being told that certain
kind of stoves would "save half the coal, "
said, "Then I'll take two Of them, and save
it ALL
''WHAr's that?'' asked a teacher of little
girl, pointing to the letter X. "Why, that's
papa's name; I've seen him write it ever so
many times"
A DISTRESSED mother writes to the Allen
town Democrat for advice, which she gets
thusly: "The only way of curing your son of
staying cut late o. nights is to break his
legs, or else get the calico he runs with to
do your housework."
A LADY took her little boy to church for
the first time. Upon hearing the organ he
was on his feet instanter. "Sit down." said
the mother. II won't he shouted, 81 want
to see the monkey.'
A LITTLE boy asked his mother what blood
relations meant. She explained that itmeant
near relatives, etc. After thinking amoment,
he said, Then mother, you must be the
bloodiest relation I've got"
AN Irish servant being asked whether his
mast er was within, replied, "No." 'When
viii he return?'' ''Oh, when master gives
orders to say that he is not at home, wenever
know when he will come in"
a GOOD story is told of the President in
Raleigh. While responding, in a feeling
manner, 10 the welcome given him, he used
the expression: MS, my friends, repair
the breaches and before he could adds
"made by the war;" an old lady exclaimed,
''Bless the dear man, he has come home
again to work at his trade.
A SHORT time ago, at a school in Newark,
during a lesson on the animal kingdom the
teacher put the following question:
'Can any boy name to me an animal ofthe
order edentata--a front tooth toothless ami
mal2'
A boy, whose face beamed with pleasure at
the prospect of good mark, replied,
II can"
''Well, what is the animal ?'
''My grandmother" replied the boy.
The following delicate specimen of juvenile
bravado is too good to be lost
One night Freddy had been put to his bed,
and mother and Johnny were in an adjoining
room. Presently Johnny cut up some caper,
on which his mother threatened to take him
him into another room and whip him.
Smother" said Freddy's voice under the
bed-clothes, 81 know where I'd take him."
"Where?" said the mother, whose curiosi-
ty was excited.
''I'd take him under the left ear
DURING the cross examination of false
witness at the Tombs the other day, the Dis
trict attorney asked him where his father was,
to which the witness, with melancholy air,
responded:
"Dead, sir dropt off very suddenly, sir -
''How came he to drop off so suddenly?''
was the next question.
''Foul play, sir; the sheriff imposed on his
unconscious nature, sir, and getting him to
go up on platform to look at select audi.
ence, suddenly knocked trap door out from
under him, sir.r
"WLL you have a Daily Sun, said news,
boy to Mrs. Partington.
"Will have daily son? Why you little
scapegrace How dare you insinuate against
| lone woman from home No, indeed
guess won't have daily sun My dear poor
man used to complain awfully when presen-
ted him with yearly son. A daily son in
deed. Begone, you little upstart imp p and
the old lady called for the old turkey fan to
keep her from swooning.
IMPORTANT TO BUILDERS.