Delaware State journal and statesman. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1855-1870, 1867-02-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

O small bridge over stream, which ran through
their farms, had dispute concerning some re-
pairs which II required; and one Of them posi-
lively refused to bear any portion Of the expen-
ses necessary to the purchase Of few planks'
Finally, the aggrieved party went to a neighbor-
ing lawyer, aud placing two We in his hand,
said, Il give you all dish moneys II you'll make
Hans do Justice nit der pridge.' How much
will cost to repair itH' asked the honest law
yer. Not more ash Eve dollars,' replied the
Dutchman. Very WE'LL said the lawyer, poek-
citing one Of the VS. and giving him the other;
take this and 60 get the bridge repaired; tits
the best course you can tske.' 'Yaas,' said the
Dutchman slowly, 'yaas, dat ish more better as
to quarrel nit Hans But ss he went along
home he shook his head frequently, as If unable,
after all, to see quite clearly how he had gained
anything by going to law.
Dryden ives so bound up in his books that his
wife one day exclaimed, Il wish were book
that might always be in your society Iwish
you were an almanac, so could change every
year. replied he.
A lady, writing upon the subject, says, when
rnen break their hearts, it is the same as when a
lobster breaks one Of his claws-anoiher sprout-
Ing Immediately and growing in its place.
little boy asked his mother what 'blOod re-
lations' meant. She explained that IL signihed
near relatives, etc. After thinking a moment
he said, Then. mother you must be the bloOdies
relation I've got
.wako up, here, and pay for your lodging,
said deacon, as he nudged sleepy worshippe
with the contribution box.
Il can not bear children said Mrs. Prim, dis
1 daipfully. Mrs Partngtou, looking over be
spectacles mildly replied, Perhaps, ifyou could
you would like them better
Pa observed young urchin Of tender year
to his fond parent, docs the Lord know every
thing?' yes, my son. replied the hopeful sir
but why do you ask that question: 'BecauI
our preacher, when he prays, is so long tellr
the Lord everything, 1 thought he wasn't posted
The parent reflected.
A clergyman, in recent sermon, said th
the path Of rectitude bad been travelled go lit
of late years, that it completely ran to grar
why amt hay cheaper, thenf soliloquiz
Digby.
A gentleman who left Philadelphia on 4
Camden and Amboy cars for New York, was mu
troubled with aea that bit him perseveringl
The conductor passed through the cars, lookil
narrowly under the seats and among the owe
r coats and valisss, as il he supposed some
was endeavoring to smuggle himself to
next station. Soon after he had collected far
the fea-persecuted man said to bis friend,
seem to have gotten rid Of that insect at lai
Il presumed you would was the reply; 4 kn
what become Of it. That conductor found
aud put 1t of the train because it didn't hav
ticket
The late Lord Palmerston once offered
wilberforcs, Bishop OF Oxford, seat In
broughman. The Bishop said he prefer
walking and set of. Presently ii began to rs
ina. and the brougham overlook him. Lord Palme
'hs ton, who was given to waggory, popped his hi
out of the window and cried out in the words
Is Tate and Brady, psalms: u.. y-
How blest the man who ne'er consents
BY all advice to walk
. 10 Whlon tne why pt''A'e ie'P'
whsro TUs s'Su"' snsn rrofsnelv ot ,slt. w
mi. a.. Ar,hh;sbor wha,eIv. beipu at
'0" T. ...,, 4, nrhl,n had bis attantion Ga
e,iar,v Iuasa IN n lady in a very low DIR
L ma ~, ar.r .ss snv,h;ng like that f'i az
~ -. ,.;,h r,or.l ;rd;grstion. .Nsyer a
,Ae y 80 49,, 49, ror,;sd wSa,slv.
80. .'.,ar1an sDoat;no NJ a friend
. ",'S S,sS..s no ,,inass romarksd that
Ok. Voc p'Oo.~'s s....r s,Doo Ma oonst;tutiop
bImo hc OVulu na 10 ~. ns,i,n,ion Ia ali 0one.'
o. eVas' a. ~, soo bo,v he ,,ves At
~ ''s -s.d ,ha wao sbs lives on the
ou' '''f'-N
A"e .nn,;oa,ion for iusur
- I rn,a,nr s,,ne,ad n a village where
W e-o osr;no ua vss asEed. what
. "@' ..,,.,.. ~ it -our v,l,soo sor ax,ineuishi
.. Sue 4wNu :. -o;.s oovoa,;ross., he rer
In nv a,'.n,,.;.r
"'ru T.sIs So; !. an amusing aueodote about
~ =. IL so;d ,bat soms wine. merchant