The tri-weekly standard., 1867-04-23

A letter marked "Free-Alex. W. Randell,
Pm G." I knowd it wuz offishe TO Wunst
that blessid signatoor is on my commls-
shun, and I've contemplated it too often to
be mistakin in it, Its contents wuz brlef,
and run thus:
"To all Postmasters in the Southern
States The niggers hev votes-conslllashen
is our best holt. See to it."
This breef tho not hard to he understood
order wuz seeled with the offishel seel Nv the
Post Offs Department stampt into putty IN
std nv wax, to wit loaf of bread, under
n roll NV butter, with ten hands a grabbln at
it, comprehended the situation at site, and
set about doin my dooty with both Roman
and Spartan frmness. "Deekln," sez L,
tearin up the notises, " these nlggers we new
misunderstood They are not lnterlorrace
they Are not descendants NV Ham and
Hager-it wuzn't Paul's idea in sendin back
Onesimus to condemn him to servitude-we
hev misunderstood the situashiOn, and must
make amends"
"The nigger is devoid Nv smell, and is
trooly man and a brother. y
"Wat p said the Deekin, tippin back In
amazement.
jest wat I say" sez I, "read that" and
flung him to the letter.
The upshot Nv the conference wich foller-
ed wuz the calm NV meeting the next mite.
at wich all the Ethiopians Nv the corners
wuz invite,l and urged to be present.
The trouble wuz to git the niggers to at
tend the meetin. The fust one l spoke to
lafft in my face, and askt me how long 1t
wuz scnce he'd helpt hang couple NV mig
gers, by way NV tinishin off a celebrashen.-
Pollock the Illinois store keeper. got hold
Nv it, and told Joe Bigler and Joe swore
IL. IL, .l,,s%
than we give EN- credit for, in sposn we
Good hambOOZle en- so cheep, he shoOd go
back to the old belief, to wit : that they wuz
only a soOperior race NV monkeys. after all
and by mite every nigger in the visinity, WIZ
Dostid thoroughly, and out Nv all NV EN- I
Good only Git four who would promise to at
tend. and them the Dcekin he'd to pay So
apiece to. To give it eclaw l promised one
NV en- 81 Ito be paid at the close NV the
meetin) to sit on the stand with me, wich
bein a very poor man, and hevin a sick wife
in shanty near by, who wuZ sutferin for
medicine (wich he coodent git without
money! he accepted.
At this pint an idee struck me. I re-
membered Philadclfy, and determined to
hev scene rivalin the Couch and Orr biznis
"Anothcr thing. Cuff understand that its a
part NV the bargin that when in nv speech
turn to 700 and stomp, 700 must rise and
embrace me-
Wat z" sez he.
Fall into my arms, lovin-like-you I'M
dcrstand-jiSt as tho we wuz long lost broth
ere -
"-Scuse me-" sed he. Use nifty low Mig
ger and wains to buy de old woman some
quinine. and wood do most anything foah
dat. but, golly dat's too much -
bt cent - Sp6 7 STORMY aSSoop,ir, INV
most piercinest gaze, unless this is inclu-
ded -
WELL" returned he, sulkily, "ef must,
I speck | must, but, golly-"
The mite arrived and the meetin- house
wuZ full. We thot fust Nv holding it in the
chapel Nv the College, but give up the idea
ez impracticable, ez, OWN to the ,lIllvtorinis
Nv our Northern friends in forwardn sich
subscripshens ez they hev raised, we heven't
got no further with the buildin than lavin
the coruer-stun. In the front wuz the four
niggers, all in clean shirts, and on the stand
wuz the nigger I he'd engaged. Over the
platform, wuz the follcrin notices:
In Yoonion thcr is strengtll-For Prcsi-
dent in 1868, Fernando Wood. For Vice
President, Fredrick Duglis."
In the nIgger, strengthen the Caucash-
en-, beauty-In the mulatter, who is troolv
In addishen to these, we dug up all the old
notices wich Jefferson writ, about yooniver-
sci liberty and sich wich hcdn't bin quoted
in Kentucky for twenty years, and postid EN-
up in brief, he'd Wendell Phillips's blessed
sperit bin hoyerin over that meetin-hou
it wood hev smiled approvingly.
spoke to EN- elokently on the yooniver-
sci brotherhood Nv mankind, holdin that
whatever else Good be sed, Adam wuz the
father Nv all mankind, and that the only
difference between white man and Mig
ger wuz the nigger wuz sun burnt. The
nigger, remarkt, wuZ undoubtedly, origer-
ally white, but hcvin bin sence his arrival
In this country, addicted to agricultural per-
scots, he he'd become tanned to degree
wich, tho it marred his physikle beauty, did
not interfere with his sterlin goodnis NV heart.
Their he'd bin differences between the races
at times ther he'd bin onpleasantnises wich
no one regretted more than l. The whites
NV the Corners he'd not alluz bin ez considrit
ez Good hev wished. They he'd floyd sew
NV EN-, and hung many more, and in times
past he'd held EN- in slavery and sich, but
that shool not be thot Nv at this happy time.
1t wuz constooshnel to do these things then,
and Kentucky wuz eminently a law-abidin
State. Here" sez I, ION this platform,
"ioii eiiS nag NV Oul COlllluOu country over
me, declare eternal friendship to the color
ed man, and to seel the declaration thus
embrace"
The obstinit niger didn't STIR step.
Come up and fling your arms around me,
yoo black cuss," sed I, in stage whisper.
Come up!"
"No you don't boss !" sed the nigger, in
loud voice, wich wuz audible all over the
church, and holdin out his hand. q can't
trust yoo blessed mint Glib me de SIS
tust. Yoo owe dis chile foah dollars now
fo' sawin wood fo' yoah post offs, an ct we's
a gwine to hab our rites, de fust use shell
put mine to be will be getin dat money.
Pay up, fust, an de brace afterward. can't
do sich disgreeable ting widout de cash in
advance"
This ruther destroyed the effect. The uni
ties wuzn't preserved The niggers in front
bust out in torturing laff, and Pollock and
Bigler rolled in convushuns of lafture, in
Wlch half NV onr people jined. Me standin
petrified, in the attitood Nv embracin, and
that cussed niger standin with his hand ex-
tended for the money with Deekin and Bas-
com horror-strck jist behind, formed taboo
wich wuz more strikin than pleasant.
The meetin wuz to wunst adjourned, for
it wuz evident to the dullest comprehension
that nothin more coodent be done that mite.