The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1867-02-06
Johu smi.n Ad,er.,.eth o his DOG.


John smith Advertiseth Q MS i,ss
The dog is a very useful nina O,co
a dog-black and tan terrier. ne A.
dog; used to look very ferocious anu ny
around the room when anyoouy -
rats" although | never knew h.af
catch any. But he was great ~ IA" pe1t'
In that respect / never saw his equai. III
answered so the name of slack" lsuP'
nose there must be several million Dog
rrvbo rejoice in the same corrupted cogno-
men. Jack strayed away a week OF w.
aoo. left the mama of my house lot 'it
aeesh-,,ots of some beguiling stranger,
sunpose. Missed him when ! came nome
house seemed empty without nun. III
bark wasn't g on the sea-" or in the par
lor. or in the second story front, or any,
where else. Children cried for him, wnlle
our Thomas cat no longer mounted nur
r;edIy on the chairs and tables as ne ap.
nroacbed, l was distressed. consnltec
with INV wife. advertised for him, offeree
five dollars reward. Advertisement ap'
peared in the morning papers. n
Ring at the door-bell about 0 a.. ~
Whole family in bed. Rose and put III.
head out of the window. Man Win Wv,
spotted dogs that looked as II they hae
inst recovered from o severe attack Oh tn'
measles. Fellow looked up and wanted u
know off either one Of them was MN:
Don't use profane language SO simply saie
"no.n and shut the window.
Door bell rang eighteen times within tn'
mex hour. Got mp at last ana dresseu
Began to eat my breakfast. Another THY
at the bell. Short man with SHINY nat
Wore what my oldest girl called mspi
~curls." Had a bull dog with a head IKE
cast-iron water spout and crooked legs
Said he'd found my dog. Told him tina
wasn't him. Said he knew it was, rathe'
savage. Dog began to growl, and looked
hard az me. Assumed a mild, persuasive
tone. and described my lost canine. Eel
low said, ANYHOW his wasa better dog thar
mine. and lie guessed he would leave
him. said / wouldn't have him undeI
any circumstances. Fellow pushed TN
dog. and said s-s-s-ketch 'em. Dog made
a dash at me. Springing inside, ant
shut the door in his face. Went IN TIT
parlor and watched him leave through
the front gate. Saw another man comm!
in. Had a ridiculous poodle with a Dras
collar around his neck. Threw up TN
window and told him that wasn't my dog
so he needn't bring him in. He eyed MT
with a sarcastic smile, and said, | couldn'
afford to W a dog like that. Told him
didn't want to, either. Said that dog hat
killed his nineteen rats in four minutes, he
had. Said | wouldn't believe him if he
crossed his breast to it. Fellow then dareC
me to come out. Said he would poke me
in the nose, or something Of that sort.
Ididn't go out.
Another ring at the bell. This time a
fellow in a fur cap, and a yellow mongreI
that had but one eye. Asked me if | had
lost a dog. Said yes. Fur cap said he had
found him, and wanted the reward. Told
him that wasn't my dog. Fur cap wanted
to know if my dog wasn't named Jack,
Said he was. He then called his bilious.
looking canine by that name. Dog tapped
his attenuated tail against the pavement
three or four times, and flung his undam-
aged optic around in a wild sort Of style.
Wasn't convinced however, and the fur
cap left after breaking the third command
ment in a most horrid manner.
Hadn't got fairly in the house before
there was another call. This time a chap
in tattered raiment, nothing purple about
him but his nose, and no fine linen on,
or coarse either, as far as | could see. Had
a big black and tan terrier with him. Dog
looked a good deal scared. Had a way OF
~putting his tail between his legs. My i'm
preston is that the fellow went out and
hunted up the dog to get the reward.
Didn't seem to take kindly to his educa-
ton. Syntax was defective. Said he had
" fetched back that dog Of yourn." Told
him that was not the one | had lost. Eel
low insisted that it was. Seemed rather
n-hearted because | wouldn't take
him. Asked me if | didn't observe how
glad the dumb beast was to see me. Said
hadn't observed it. Fellow said I'd re-
greet it if | let such q chance slip to get q
valuable beast. Said | guessed I'd have
to let her slip. Then he tho't awhile, and
asked me if | wouldn't lend him FIVE dol
lars anyhow, and take the dog as security.
ciscly from that standpoint. So he went
away, looking as if he felt hurt.
Then another man came with a fierce
looking hound with hairless tail. Hound
rushed right at me and commenced exer-
cising his olfactories up and down my
trousers. Looked as if he might bite with
very little provocation. Man said he'd
brought my dog. Told him rather sharp
that my dog was q terrier. Said so was
this one. Caught rats before his eyes
were open, and had been engaged in that
blood-thirsty occupation regularly ever
since. Told him | couldn't take him. Man
said he wouldn't leave without the five dol
lars. Said / would see him in the tomb OF
the CapuletS first. Fellow thought | was
swearing at him, and struck at me. Dog
took il up right of, flew at me, and tore
my trousers, besides tasting my flesh. !
escaped into the entry, shut the door, and
locked it. Determined not to answer any
more rings. Bell was pulled two hundred
seventv-tive times more. Didn't answer it,
Understood afterwards that several Of my
friends had been TO see me, and gone away
offended. About dinner time went up and
looked ont of the window. Found seven
ty-tive or eighty men there, all Of whom
had dogs. Bull terriers, spaniels, setter
pups, b~loodhounds, double-nosed pointers,
N~ewfoundlands, lap-dogs, whiilits, gray.
hounds, mastilIS, mongrels. Dogs with
straight tails, curly tails, bob tails, and nc
tails at all. Yellow, black, white, brown,
spotted, and hea-bitten. l suppose that
ever went on four legs, or three either,
were gathered in my front yard. Put the
sash up, and attempted to disperse the
crowd. Crowd commenced to talk all al
once. Dogs all howled, yelped, barked,
and snarled. COuld'nt hear my " voice,
and shut the window in disgust.
Haven't seen my dog yet. Don't eve
expect to see him. Don't want ever to see
him or any other dog. Have seen enough
of dogs to last me the balance of my natu.
raj life.
Horrible stories are in circulation con,