The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1867-04-20
Some persons who "can't C it," C.

tCOtut peTSOHS VINO Gail / - IL, Csiu OltSl
D it very strong.
A few days since two gentlemen of Chi
cago came near fighting duel because one
OF them paid the fare of the others wife on
street car.
Of six hundred and twelve young ladies
whe tainted last year, more than half ofthem
| fell in the arms of gentlemen. Only three
had the misfortune to fall on the floor.
a teacher in public school gave sen
tence to be written and properly punctuated
The boy gave the following as the result o.
his effort:
The quality of mercy says, shakespeare
is not strained"
A constable in Kentucky, in publishing
some personal property for sale, put up no
tice with the following clause L wyll Xpoo.
Sc fir sail the da 1866 NV Jan won lytle rome
horse, or so much thorof as ma be nesary to
satisf sed gugment."
The following story of lazy school-boy,
who spelled Andrew Jackson &dru Jaxn, has
been overshadowed by a genious dnwn east
who wished to mark half dozen new shirts.
He marked the first John Jones, and the
rest ditto,
"Papa," said little boy to his father the
other day, when one fellow strikes another,
hain't he got right to strike him back p
|''Certainly he has, replied the father, the
law of self defence sanctions it well, I'll
tell you what it is" replied the boy, 1.-The
next time you box my ears, III hut you a
devil of a crack on the smeller."
An eastern farmer being obliged to sell a
yoke Of oxen to pay his hired man, told him
he could not keep him any longer. Why
said the man, "I'll stay and take some of your
| cows in the place of money" ''But what
| shall do' said the farmer, when my COWS
| and oxen are all gone ?" "Why, you can then
| work for me and get them back
Railway 'ams" are anything but preserves
| What is better than q promising young
man? a paying one.
| Why are good husbands like dough? Be
| canse women need them.
| Be temperate in diet. Our first parents
ate themselves out of house and home.
A calm man is like a schoolmaster, be
cause he keeps cool.
| waggish Journalist, who is often merry
over his personal plainness, tells this story
of himself: Invent to drug store early the
other morning for a dose of morphine for
| sick friend. The night clerk objected t
giving it to me without a prescription, evi
| IDENTITY fearing l meant to destroy myself
| "Pshaw," said ''do look like man whc
would kill himself?" Gazing at me steadil,
for half minute, he replied: II don't know
Seems to me if looked like Won / should b.
greatly tempted to kill myself"
Good food, dainties and want of exercise
are the destruction OF parlor dogs. They be
come fat with increasing age, and contrac
various diseases. At last the day come
when dose of prussic acid must finish tn
business, or that medical practitioners mus
be called in who will, by severe regimen
restore the dogs health and appetite. Al
ex-kennel man in our neighborhood made
very comfortable income by this pecul..r lin
of practice. He divulged the secret of hi
system few days since to the estimabe Glen
gyman of the parish. 81 always tied 'em,
said the canine Aberneth, ''to a crab tree a
the end of my garden for a week, and CAV
'em nothing but water. When | fetche
them from their mistress they refused to ca
what | should have been glad to get, an
when they went back they would eat what
couldn't have touched. I've had some dog
twice or even three times year, but alway
cured 'em at last. One of them was as goo
as three pounds year to me. l was terri
/ bly, fond of him, but he never took to me
and when he saw me coming for him to brin
down his fat, he would waddle away, an
howl enough to wake the dead. Dogs hay
emit got no gratitude"