The weekly Ottumwa courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1857-1872, 1867-10-10
THE JOSH BILLINGS fAPERS
SUM vEaATABEL HISTORY.

q SUM vEaATABEL HISTORY.
The strawberry IL one ov natur's
sweet pets. s Z ~
The makes them worsh fifty cents,
the fust she makes. and never allows
them to be sold asa mean price.
The cutler ov the strawberry IL
like the settin sun under thin cloud,
with a delicate dash ov the rain DO it;
its fragrance IL like the breath ov a
baby when it first begins tew eat
wintergrecn lossingers;- its flavor IL
like the nektar which an old-fashion-
ed goddess used tew leave in the bot
tom ou her tumblsr when Jupiter
stood treat on mount ida.
There ez menyI breeds ov this de.
lightful vegetable but not q mean
one in the whole lot.
l think hev stole them, laying
around loose, without ennv pedigree,
in sumbody's tall grass, when | waz
alazy schoolboy, that eat dredful easy
without any white sugar on them,
and even bug occasionally mixed
with them in the hurry ov the mo-
ment. Cherrys are good, but they
arc too much like sucking marble.
with handle few it. Peaches are
good, if yu don't get emmy Of the pin
feathers into yure lips. Watcrmelons
will suit emmy boldly who IL satisfied
with half.swcetcned drink but the
man what kan eat strawberrys, he.
sprinkled with crusned shuggah, and
.bespattered with sweet kreem at
sumboddy eisc's expense), and not
lay his hand on hiz stummuk and
thank the author ov strawberrys and
stummuks, and the phellow who pays
for the strawberrys, IL man with a
worn out conscience--a man whose
mouth tastes Ikea hole in the ground.
that don't care what goes down it.
HG* X y
Kokernutts grow up in the air, IN
a hot climate way over the ocean,
about eighty feet from the gronnd-
on the top Ov tree.
They are generally picked bi the
monkeys in that naborhood, who
throw them at the natives, in ex :
change for the stones that the ma
tives heave at the monkeys.
They grow ez ncgros head duz,
with u good deai NV skull tcw them.
ssrroT CIas Vii sKarpI,
resembles an old tcn-pin ball, only a
little more round one way than tuth-
er.
On the end oy the nut toward you
IL 2 eyes, fast asleep. The kokernutt
il opened bi breaking the skull, and
this brings 'em tew their milk.
The milk in the kokernutt haz
never been explained yet-and the
! reason IL, becauz5 nobody has ever
asked me to do it.
Wheneverthe philosophers "give it
up shall reply to the konumdrum.
Az an artikle ov diet, the kokcr IL
about on a level with the french raw
turnip, and IL az hard to digest az
one ov Sokretary Stewards letters ov
State.
Billed koker might possiblebe good
if it warnt a CRATE deal better when
lit waz raw; and raw kokernutts cz
only good for children and young
grey hounds tcw eat, whose stun
muks are like nutmeg crater.
The only real good thing about this
forrin mutt IL its skull, they can be
cut into 2; and made into drinking
kups, and must confess, they do look
kind. when laid on clean, fiat ston
bi the side ov meadow spring, but /
kant drink out ov them miself with
out thinking. that if they hadn't been
cut in 2, what a kapital thing they
would be- tew bid young darkey
to.
But thiz Only phoolish noshun
ov mine, and probably it couldn't be
did emmy how.
Y X
Itiz now about 8 or eleven years
since folk began tcw banker utter
the Tomato. About that time sum
doktor Nv pills dfssektcd one ov
these vagrant vegetables. aud dis
kOvered sumdoktor's stuff in them.
AZ soon az folks found out thay
waz fisick they begun tew be very
sweet on the tOmarter.
At that time thay wuz in rsbit cv
growing in sly places, WHARF they
want afradc, over behind stone walls
among broken jugs, ded rats, and old
injun rubber boots. for people would
not let them grow in gardins emmy
more than thay would kannady
thissel.
They were vagabond weeds, and
even . woods hogg wouldn't eat one
ov the berrys that grew on them
emmy quicker than he would bawl
jov red stocking yarn.
But it wuz decided there waz sum
pills in them, and thay pus tew nuss
in pots and vases, and lived on the
phatt ov the land. in hot houses,
along side OK tiger lilys and roses ov
Sharon.
1t took most fou4ks Is months ov
perseverance, and sea sickness tew
git the tomatoze to go quietly down,
and now, from vile weed, more
smelly than deceased klam, the to-
matow haz alxtually got to be more
honorable than a buckwhcat slap
jack or even pumpkin pi.
This shows what love and affeck-
shun will do.