Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1867-10-24
A paper down east, where they doa't.


his stomach and was soon followed by
death. I shall marry the doctor who SO
kindly attended my late husband: learn
ed then to trust him. Softly and lightly
rest the ashes Of the departed one, whose
wholesale liquor business I shall continue
at the old stand"
An editor wrote an article on the fair
sex, in the course of which he said: "Girls
of seventeen or eighteen are fond of
beaux.'' When the paper was issued he
was shocked to discover that an unfortu-
nate typographical error made him say
''Girls Of seventeen or eighteen are fond
of Jeans"
"What are you about, you black ras-
cal (? Twice have you reused me from my
sound sleep to tell me that breakfast is
ready, and now you've awoke me by at
tempting to pull off the bed clothes! What
the deuce do you mean 2" ''Why, massa,
if you amt gwiae TO git up, ] mas hab de
sheet anyhow, case deyre waitin' for de
table clofp'
Curran having violent argument with
a country schoolmaster on some classical
subject, the pedagogue, who had the
worst of it, said in . towering passion,
that he would lose no pnore time, and
must go bsskzto his scholars Do, my
dear doctor aid Curran, bdtdon't en-
dorse my SINS uponstheir backs"
A lady who has great horror of to-
bacco GOT into the carsathe other day and
had to take seat next to male passen-
ger She inquired of her neighbor, with
a look of solicitude, ''Do you chew tobac
co, sir o. 'No, man, don't was the
reply, "hut ! can get you chew if you
want one"
TheHollowing are charges for newspa-
per puffs, which we End in an old paper:
"For modest puff, three juleps; toler-
ably good one, a box Of cigars; very good
one, pair. of boots and vest; splendid
one, broadcloth coat; perfect sockdol-
ager, full suit.
A Scotch physician being asked the
meaning of metaphysics, explained it as
follows: "When the party who listens
doegna ken what the party who speaks
means, and the party who speaks doesna
ken what he means himself, that's meta
r.f11os7- 1.,e. -
what brought you to prison, my col
ored friend? p asked a sympathlsing gen.
tleman of an unfortunate darkie. 1.-TWO
constables, sah," replied Sanbo. eyes,
but mean, had intemperance anything to
do with it?' Eyes, sab, dey was bofe
of EN- drunk"
Sydney Smith said to the canons of st.
Paul's, when they wrote to him urging the
ACCESSIBILITY of wood pavement round the
churcbyard, ''Let them lay their heads
together, and it is doue."
An appreciatiye and public spirited edf-
tor announces that machine has been IN
vented for breaking fingers and stifening
Joints as effectively as base ball.
A man in Iowa has escaped from pun
shmont for adultery, because the learned
prosecuting attorney charged him with
''idolatry," which is not known as a crime
in Iowa.
There is volunteer" tomato plant as
Waldo, Florida, which has covered bed
eighteen feet square. 1t has produced
several bushes and is still bearing.
Prussia has fifteen times as much terri
tory, and more than one hundred and ten
times as great a population as she HAD two
centuries ago.
A man in Washington, who had been
suffering from lockjaW more than three
months, was cured by repeated applica-
tons of turpentine to his face and neck
''Why did Adam bite the apple 2" said
schoolmaster to country lad. Be
cause he had no knife to cut it" respond
ed young hopeful.
There is lady in Boston who has not
washed her face for twelve years. She
says water spoils the softness and beauty
of the skin.
IT wish I could be cured Of lying in bed
SO late in the morning" said lazy hus-
band" We'll will try the water cure,
said his wife, and she did.
An Aboriginal objects to marrying
Miss Tail, the daughter of Spotted Tail,
for fear he might get Caudal lectures.
A wealthy widow, advertising for al
agent, was overwhelmed with applications.
The printer had made it "gent."
The newest substitute for the words
ssdied of delirium tremens," are: she ex-
pired because of artificial excitement.
A woman in Petersburg has trained
four chickens to draw a carriage with a
rooster in it.