Wilmington journal., 1867-11-22
From the South LarOIinian.
A. Head On Marriage.
-"2 soles with but a single thort,

harts as bcets like II
Marriage is that conglOmeration Of the
sexes as is considered constitutional in all
countries; but it is more particularly one Of
the United States. When q man so fur
fergits himself as to git married, he bids
farewell to the Declaration of lndepou-
dence, and becomes at once an honorary
member of the rights of the garter, an on
der established by the Crusaders in thg
'' times that tried mems soles." MawiaGe,
dramatically speaking, is q compound con
junction, and shows the relation between
man and woman. Accordin' to arithmetic
I>don't see how people make out that mar
riage makes two folks one, for if you take
the cypher (0) woman, and add to the unit
~ man, it makes 10, unless figures lie,
figures won't lie in anything else unless it
is marriage
Different folkes have different reasons
for marryin', some marry for love, some
riches, some because they want to and
some because they can't help it When Il
man falls in love, he takes to readin' the
New York Ledger, and wearing lavender
colored kids and patent leather boots as
pinches his toes and putin "new mown
hay" onto his pocket handkerchief. Then
he fergits to put sugar into his coffee, and
makes mistakes in his accounts Then lU
,
syrup, and putting squills on his hair, auc
partin' the same in the middle of the top
Of his head. AS the time approaches for
him to be hitched to the adored of his
buzzum, he feels as if eel was crawling
down his back, and little cupids with wings
and without any clothes on was singing
the star spangled banner in the air all
around him. Then, like the prodigal sun,
he goes on from bad to wus, until he gifts
his name into the daily paper under the
proper headin', and tells the world he is
united in paddock, and that no cards is
played, and sends some gingerbread and
pop beer to the editur, who wishes the
happy pear long life and many OF EN-
Then Gums the hunny mune and a bridal
trip to Niagara or Mammoth cave, or tho
Bridge of Size. After this the hunny
moon is all moonshine, until l. still small
voice announces that theirs an CANCEL IL
the house - as the poit says; but it always
seemed to me more like the dikens in tho
house, when I hear 'em. After while
there is family jars, which jars ain't fit to
friendship, they--are "of the earth
earthy p
When Araminta an got married, after
courtship of some seventeen winters, du-
rim which "she never ted her love, but,
like a worm in the mud, led onto her dam
aged cheek, we had lots of presents OF tin
ware, short clothes, spoons, and other
wearin' apparel; but rather more spoons
than anything else. 1t was spOony time.
But the short clothes still lies in the bu-
reau drawers, q monument and mockery to
boyish dreams and disappointed ambition.
AS the Scorched poit Burns says:
"The best. laid schemes OF men and mice
Oft gangalee."
But Araminta and 1 are drawin' down
the veil of life together, still lovin', still
hopin' that the time will come when we
shall have to provide a extra spoon and
porringer. Trooly, hope is a sheet anchor
to the soc. Long may she wave
But marriage is divine institution, more
so than republican form of government
Or the democratic party. Adem eoudoht
i've without Mrs. Adem, snaiX or no snalX.
And beooz thay raised Cain after they was
it's no sine that other folks rase
cain in the married stait Becoz they eli
lp the best winter apples, It's no sine mar
led people should have each others AalE
come out before the usual time. Marriage
s mootual; and one can't git along without
/ child on the other end ont. Woman to
man is like the bob to q kite, the more
he's attached to man, the higher he can
Ii. Marry early, an marry o1en; am. anu
when you git good wife, stick to her llho
. shumakers wax to o hot stove or SpauI"
ling's glue to broken china.
Sich is the law and the profits.