American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1867-10-30
NUMBER 45
WIT AND wrspoM5
Why is tired man like an umbrcl.
!! Because ha ia ,isad ~ g

~. f - eNe uve 5tcfH nave moral
excellences, butsdon't bIistls with them.ss
When is. a wagoner like. the moon M x, z. -
p" hen he is- on the waip,r 'iia
Those who have the excellent fac..>
uity = Of nsing all they know dah never
know too much. As
Ii the Doge of Venice was to lose
ms slght what useful article would he be
converted to /? A Venetian blind.
- have passed through great hard
ships, as the schooner said after saline =
through fleet of iron -clads. ~
:. Why might carpenters really be-.
lleve there is no such thing as stone r !,
Because they never saw it. = g 99A9halsiu
--"A Nine Days Wonder"-Tbat Of
the kitten, which wonders when it's go.s9
ing to see. ila. ms8, eeTi,l
"A laundering lie is now rendered.
Illuminating enlargement of elongated
veracity. aH e ,Si7is,Q s,na y S5Il39
He is choice friend who concsals
my faults from Others, and discovers then,
TO myself fsulfa b5UQ b ss-sg eaosss
VAIN SHow,-A bag of wind mar he .
mistaken for : sack of corn till it is liz,
ted or opened,
The best cure for the head ache is
to take another suffering with precisely
the same complaint Two positives make.
a negative tI5a5 sai
---Precocious girl that, who tool, as the
theme Of her graduating essay at a fash.
i"nable seminary, "The education Of our
boys."saI r5aoN e3 1s8nt. q ,i.iv
---"Oapital weather, Mr.. Jones' oeau;1Y
tai weather.. My wife's got such a bad
cold she cant speak. ! like such wsath>.
er." -
81 10 nat say that man will steal ~
said a witness on a trial, "bus if I was
chicken I'd roost high when he was
around" sGvl{ go.ia Il ssTl3
Chicago is an Indian word meaning
"mueh 1ind.". The aboriginal linguistsf
says an exchange, deserve to rank. among
the prophets. ~
The sizo of the head doesn't indi-,
cate the quality Of the brain any more
than does the stove pipe tile which be-
strides it, fIAs'#- &. ,se ~
For drunkenness. drink cold water:
for health, rise early to be happy be-
honest; to please all, mind your own,
business. Nt
There was o great deal Of human
nature in the remark Of q lady. who.
holding glass of water in her haud,
sald, "Oh, it it were only wicked to drink
this, how nice it would be p -
Miss Smith, wish to speak to YOU
in private. Permit me take you apart
for few nnomehtsn Miss Smith (who
wasn't At all frightened )---s' Certainly,sir,
u you y Promise to pu: me together
-"My DEAR" said O smiling spouse
to her other hall, I'm going a shopping
ta-dsy and want slittle change. :" "Pooh!S
responded the savage, "that ,wouldsbo no
change at all you 60 a shopping every
day" ,...>1.,..f,'
whats that ar picture on Z" asked
q countryman in print store the other
day Of the proprietor, who was ttufDisg
some engravings "Tha., sir, is Joshua
commanding the sun to stand stillp-
"Du tell Which is Josh and which
is his son ?" ...r.l.s....-s...,.
-"Sarah," said young man the 9TH
er day, "why don't you wear ear rings Z"
because | haven't had my ears pier
ced." .csslf'rt Brsrv
81 will bore them for you.p o
"Thank you, you have done that
enough"
-"You can do anything If you only
have patience to wait," said an old fosy
to his son : "Water may be carried in
seive if you can wait"9,iv -eae.f9
"How long 7" inquired the son, an i'm,
pudent young America, who could hardly
wait for the fathers obituary. eTill it
freezes" .~rf3 a.!
| "A good lady who had two children
sick with the measles, wrote to a friend
for the best remedy. The friend had
just received note from mother
lady, ihquiring the way to make pickles.
In the confusion, the lady who had in
quired about the pickles received the
remedy for tho measles, and the snxious
mother of the sick children read yith
horror the following "Scald theul three
or four times in very hot vinegar, and
sprinkle them With salt, and in ftw days
they will be cured" zsa 20
THF LAWYER FLooRED. A way of
the incorrigible school-a regular class in
fact---was sitting in accompany Of gentle
men, one of whome was lawyer OF no
mean reputation. The swag talking to
another individul, but for the ear Of the
lawyer oyorsaid Stated that he desired the
services of a good lawyer; that, he had
an important case, out of which, if sue.
cessful, as he could not fail to be, If tho
case be properly managed agood fee made
to the lawyer. hes
At this point the legal gentleman Fn
question put in:
What's that you say--in need of a
lawyer, good case-paying fee i::'rhe law
is my profession--state yaur case"
Wag-"My case is undoubtedly an
excellent one, and | am willing to pay
most liberal contingent feel can't afford
fec certain.-I win give one half Of
the amount If you succeed-which is Eve
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