Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-04-30
Sacred Bulls.


When the cherries are ripe, where do the
birds go? To Peckham.
''Sambo, whar did you suffer most in de warp
''In de. feat, to be shua. )"
A Young sailor who received blowing-up
from his sweetheart, called her wind-lass.
Why are fowls likely to have no hereafter ?
Because they have their necks twlrl d In this.
Why cannot you insure the life of the French
Emperor? No man can make out his policy.
IF YOU court young woman, and you are
won, and she is won, you will both be one.
WHY is the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland like
a man inquiring what o'clock it is? He is as
king for the time.
A young lady, whose father is improving the
family mansion, insists upon having 6eduWln
dow put in for her benefit.
Who were the first newspaper subscribers OF
whom we have any account? Gain, who. took
A-BelPs Life, and Joshua, who ordered the
Sun to be stopped.
IF the Southern people, who are now so COM
pletely at sea, would quit politics and go to
work in their corn fields, they would soon be
able to cry, Land Hoe!"
A little boy asked his mother what blood re-
lations meant She explained that it meant
near relatives, etc. After thinking moment
he said, 'Then, mother, you must be the blood
lest relation I've got.
''Why, DOCTOR said sick lady, "you are
giving me the same medicine that you are Civ
ing to my husband. Why is that?' "All
right" . replied the doctor, what is sauce for
the goose is sauce for the gander.
Papa" said Mr.. John Smiths youngest
son, last Thursday, can go to the circus?"
mo, my boy" affectionateIy replied Mr. Smith,
if you are good boy, | will take you to see
your grandmother's grave this evening".
ooh, pa, Mr.. Jones was here this morning,
and when ma told him that you would not be
home till late, he said her lips we're like honey,
and that he wished that he was a bee, and then
he kissed her. They gave me a stick of candy
not to tell any one but [ don't think they d
mind you, you are so well acquainted with ma. F"
my dear boy" said young lady to pre-
cocious youth of eighteen, docs your father
tricate path of profession, the straight and
narrow way of the ministry, or revel in the flow
cry fields Of literature p "No, marin; dad
says he's gwine to set me to work in the later
patch
A waggish journalist, who is often merry over
his personal plainness, tells this story of him
WIN w StolO Od1iy luC OGuCI
day for dose of morphine for sick friend
The night clerk objected to giving it to me with
out prescription, evidently fearing that [ in-
tended suicide. ''Pshaw - said [, .'do I look
like man who would kill himself?'' Gazing at
me steadily for moment, he replied: II don t
know. Seems to me if looked like you L
should be greatly tempted to kill myself
A MARRIED MANS SoIILooUY.-Ia am sit
ting by the freside tonight but not alone !;
there is one young one on my knee, three on
the floor, and two on the settee My wife is
in bed with the sideache Il wish she'd stay
there), and the children are all a-bawling, and
I've had nothing to eat since morning. Oh,
what life do lead [ don't get chance to
read, and all my clothes are going to seed. O,
my! That youngest babys taking the collie, and
forgot to send to-day for paragoric. Evaline
Of my younger days land my older days, too)
would that could drive you from my memory
Why ever follow me and scold me, like an
avenging spirit Willingly, oh yes, willingly
would / repair the wrong l did myself in mar
rying you. Is it strange, Evaline, that [ fed
from you yesterday, ''Iike startled fawn, y
when you were after me with broomstick p
Oh, what a mild creature you were before we
were married But, alas how changed Oh,
hear my wife coming down stairs I'll fix the
door SO that L can get out; and if [ can't, I'll
tear my hair and die!