The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1867-07-30

long | walked, and cried and prayed,
those fearful cries tearing into my heart
and making me sick and. faint. But the
awful deed was done. The ruin was
accomplished. For two weeks ! moved
about from place TO place a walking de
olation. For the first time it occurred to me
that my life insurance might he paid tn my
wife, suppo-in me drowned, and at last
subject her and my family to the adli
tionaI disgrace of being suspected OF com
plicity in wrong. | wanted them to be
pure and innocent as the light Of hcayon.
This | could not bear. | went TO my des-
oiate roum and wrote letter 20 my dis
tractcd family that | was alive, and rot
to take my money on my life insurance.
Oh God. what an hour was that!
began to realize as had not done before
the awful fall | had experienced, Oh,
held my poor throbbing temples in my
hands. l lay IN agony upon the floor.
| tried to pray When the letter was
once in the Off g felt an irdescri5able
relief Hut OH, the sadness of my poor
heart! What sleepless nights What
long weary, Jcsolate days! Oh my poor
Cordclla-the companion of my youth
IL Nv true an pure, and forgiying! Ny
poor chiIdrenl Foisaking all their
cIildi,h sports to mourn for one whom
they had loved and trusted with c.cilh
and purity of angels All these things
hung upon me AMI filed me with hor
ror OF darkness. How many times
asked myself the question. Is this true,
or is it a hidcous dream some horiid
nightmare, from which shall awake to
Iind mysc'f At my home safe and hnppyl
Hnt alas 1t i, too true. And now, how
can language give adequate expression TO
the thoughts and feelings Of such sad and
desolatc heart ms mine How have
wrongcd thcmI will not blame any
one but myself. will attempt no excuse
whatever. | alone am to blame. | ought
To have suffered on, if need be, till death.
Then there is the Chulh Of God for which
have worked 50 hard. How / have
injnrel and disgraccd her, How ! have
wounded AMI wron.cd the ministers
How have lnvcd and PRAYED for then
God knows did not intend to harm one
of them. Oh, the clmmnn ties whore
have lived ! How have wronecd them
all. And The whole public, how have
lnSult'd and woun!ed ii. Oh ! am a
poor dcSolate, helpless, ruined man |
come TO the church, to the ministers,
OF all denominations, TO the world. to the
people of Plattsburgh who have been so
distracted, bnt 50 forgiying AMI kind, AMI
r"i-e To you my weary longing owes.
and ask you 10 lorgive me. By all that
Is humane AMI ten ier, by all that i,jto he
hoped tor in hi, world, and by all that is
to be desired in the next. ask you to
forgive me "AS We would that men
should do unto you do We even so unto
them SIN as much as We have done
1t nn'o me-" Oh, think Of my long |
pnbIlc life without one STAN upon it, save
my debts. which God knows many of them /
could not help, and then finl it in your
hearts to forgive me Oh, think of my |
poor wife, noble, generous and pare -
think of my poor children, who in their
grlet have forgotten TO play, AMI for their
sake torgvie me, and extend friendly
hand to ME once more. If had ever
betrayed your trust befo re, / would not
ask 1t. But surely Won viii not refuse |
m' nov. Oh, think of your oyn happy .
homes, AMI mine all de soIatc and sad
THINK OF your own sweet children some
OF whom are in heavcn and then think
OF mine, and for their sake forgive me.
am prostrate in the Dust am helpless
and homclcss-l lifi up my poor trembling
hands and ask yon to forgive ahl help
me. Yours in penitcnce and sorrow.
5. NJ. NIFRR1LL.