Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1867-09-05
WIT AND HUWOR.

CHedp-OoOu duflCe, up salFe anu
promises.
Generally Observed Fitting skirts, wa
ter-falls and other peoples business.
When young lady marries rake, she
must not be surprised if she has her feel
ings frequently narrowed.
81 thought you told me, Doctor, that
Smiths fever had gone off p ooh, yes,
but it and Smith went off together"
The ladies say new cocoanut waterfalls
are just the thing to wear with a gourd-
dress.
A schoolboy, having good naturally
helped another in difficult ciphering less
on, was angrily questioned by his master:
"To lesson his work" replied the youngs-
ter.
A distressed mother, writes for advice,
which she gets, thusly 1.-The only way
to cure your son of staying out late Of
nights, is to break his legs, or else get the
calico he runs with to do your housework."
A drunken loafer was picked up in the
street. There was no sense in his head,
no cents in his pocket, a powerful scent in
his breath, and he was sent to the watch
house.
In ancient days the precept was Know
sthyself.' In modern times it has been sup
planted by the far more fashionable
maxim, "Know thy neighbor, and every
thing about him."
'4Do you see that fellow lounging there
doing nothing p said Owens to Jenkins.
"How does he live ? by his wits % ''Oh,
no, he's cannibal." GA cannibal p
Eyes, cannibal, he lives on other people"
Two knights of the rod and lines having
sought the shelter Of sorry alehouse for
the night, one questioned the other the
next morning as to how he had slept, OBJ
serving that, for his part, she had slept
like top" $50 did l." replied his com
panion, for was turning round all nj ght."
A young lady possessing more vanity
than personal charms, remarked in Jest
ing tone, bat with an earnest glance, that
she travelled on her good looks A man re-
marked, he ''could now account for the
young lady never having been far from
home"
A concentrated neatral solution of tung-
estate Of soda, diluted with water to % de-
grees, and then mixed with three per cent.
of phosphate of soda, will effectually pro-
tect muslin against fire. 1t can be used
in the laundry and will not prove injurious
80 the texture.
Josh Billings says: Il could never find
the meaning of the word "colide" in Web
-ster; but riding the other day on the New
York Central Railway, I saw it all: It is
the attempt of two trains to pass each 9TH
er on single tract. If [ remember cor
rectly, it was shocking failure
Married-At the residence of the BRIDES
father, in Simmer county on the 3nd of
July, Mr.. Ebenezer Sweet to Miss Jane
Lemon.
elbow happily extremes do meet,
In Jane and Ebenezer,
She is no longer sour but sweet.
And he's a Lemon squeezer."
An old clergyman, who had been an
army chaplain, and was teaching female
seminary, in the course of conversation,
said II have been under civil govern
ment, ecclesiastical government, military
government, and petticoat government
and I like petticoat government the best"
A noble lord asked clergyman once, at
the bottom of his table, ''Why the goose.
if there was one, was always placed next
the parson p
.sReally." said he, 81 can give no reas-
on for it but your question is SO odd that
I shall never see goose, for the future,
without thinking of your lordship."
Rev. John Newton once said "a good
old woman. dear friend of mine, was
asked upon her death bed, if she was COM
Portable in her mind Every far from it, !"
she answered 'Then you are not willing
to die p s'Quite wiling" said she. IF
my Father chooses to put me to bed iH the
dark, can trust Him."