Delaware State journal and statesman., 1867-03-12
WIT AND HUmOR.

One day last year Mr. Greeley wrote an edi.
tOrlal entitled "william H. Seward" Imagine
bis rage when II came to him In proof headed
"Richard the Third I" Yet anybody familiar
with his chirOgraphy, If his ink jerks can be SC
designated, will readily See, not only how such
a mistake could be made, but how il probably
would be. Again he wrote about "three men In
buckram," and the prOsaie type setter got II
"ihree men in backroom." And this, notwith-
standing the fact that two composiiors Of saga
city and experience are hired at an extra salary
because they can read his copy
But George Ripley has been the victim Of the
grossest outrages in this line In one Of his
book notices he took the liberty of quoting from
Shakespeare "'ris true, tits pity; and pity It's,
lis tue" And the wretched buneler aot II
"tis two, It's fifty; tis ffty-'tis 6fty-two n,
That is some worse than James F. Babcock's
martyrdom, when he wrote "Is there no balm in
GileadY" and read next morning, to his con.
sternation, "Is there no barn in Guilford9n
Mr.. Crawford, member of ParIiament, re.
Gently sent to India the message 'the news
from America favors the holders" and 1t arrived
there with the information, that "the news from
America savors Of soldiers |"
playful Hibernau, just arrived in London,
and wandering about, perceived a blanket ct
shop door with this inscription on il: "This
superior blanket for half price" Pat walked
IN and demanded the price, "Juat five shillings,' 2,
replied the smooth and polished shopkeeper
"By my sowl, an that's chape enough /" and 80,
folding the blanket up and putting II under his
arm, he laid down two shllings and sixpence
and was walking of. The shopkeeper inter
cepted him and demanded the other two shillines
and sixpence. "An didn't you say, you spal-
peen, that the price Of the blanket was five shill
ings, an sure, haven't given you the half Of
it?" A scuifie enssed. and Pat was taken to
Bow street. but when there he pleaded his cause
50 we'll that the magistrate dismissed the COM
PLANT, and advised the shopkeepsr never again
to ticket bis goods with "half price"
| A Comedian, who had been almost lifted from
bis feet by the pressure at the funeral Of cels-
brated trsgediau, ultimately reached the church
door. Having recovered bis breath, which had
been suspended in the effort, he exoaimed,-
Aud so this is the last we shall ever see Of
him. Poor fellow he has drawn full house,
to the end
baby about four weeks old was found on q
doorstep in waterproof, Conn, on Tuesday even.
ing. The following directions we're found in the
cradle; -
Give him cows milk, one half water, aud q
teOspoonful Of brandy to one gill of food.'
With him was a lot Of handsome clothing, q
bottle Of brandy, some medicine and pail Of
sugar.
young widow, on being asked Why she was
going to get married SO soon after the death Of
her first husband, replied
4 do it to prevent fretting myself to death on
account Of dear Tom.'
Come, Bob, get up, said an Indignant father
to his hopeful SOD, the other morning, 'remsm.
Der the early bird catches the worm.'
'What do care for worms p replied the young
hopeful, mother won't let me 60 fishing
grocer, when q customer, buying gallon
Of mOlasses, Observed that : great deal remained
In the measure after 1t was termed, said There
was some in the measure before drew your
gallon
A little girl, four years old, was recently call
ed as witness in police court aud in answer
to the question as to what became Of little girls
who told fAlsehoods, she innoeently replied thai
they we're sent to bed.'
A gentleman, having bought pair OF geese,
asked the seller why he was so unwilling to dis
pose of one alone. why, sir said he they
have been constant companions for come years,
and had not the heart to part them
A little girl in school being asked what cat
araot or waterfall was, replied that it Was shair
wrapped around her old dads stocking The
teacher and scholars we're considerably eniight-
ened.
There's always one consolation, whatever our
misfOrtune-it might be worse. We're life hang
ing on a thread it would be a comfort to think
that it was not hanging on a rope.
A sentimental young man thus fsellugly ez-
presses himself; Even as nature benevolenily
guards the rose with thOrns, SO does she endoW
women with pins.
An advertisement in the Birmingham [Eng-
laud) Post reads:-'A lady, unable to get daily
teaching, desires daily cooking, washing and
s,rubbing.'
'How different you soldiers are from u.s. said
Arabella to the captain. with US a conquest
only begins, while with you il ends, the engage
ment.'
An Irishman, by way Of illustrating the horrors
Of solitary confinement, stated that out Of one
hundred persons sentenced to endure thispunish'
ment for life, only fifteen survived 1t.
woman about to marry was warned thai
her intended was very eccentric. 'Well.' sh'
said If he is very unlike other men, he is more
likely to be good husband
A poor fellow who has been driven almost Il
distraction by the number and length Of the fre
contributions of street organists says that he ha
had enough Of Handel music,
: Don't stretch your mouth any WIDER said
: dentist to man who was extending his jay
alarmingly. 4 intend to stand outside to draV
your TOOTH
There is a divinity that shapes our ends,' o
the pig remarked when contemplating the kinl
In his tail.
A fine sonnet Of Lambs (rhs Gipsy Madison
being refused publication, he exclaimed, Han
a the age I will write for antiquity
e An honest Irshman, observing the bearers O
=. his wife's oOiiu beginning to tro, reproVed ther
. by calling out: 'Aisy, aisy, ye thAives O. th
world why are ye making toll Of pleasure
wltness-'This ere fellsr broke our winds
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