Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1867-08-08
HIT .ss.D W.IsDOu.
All men can act well few can write
"a little nonsense now and then,
Is relished by the best of men. I"

they do so enjoy themselves.
Why are trout like poor base ball
playersY Because they are often
"caught out on a fy." ros ai
Why is a fly one of the talIest of
insects! Because he stands over six
feet, without shoes or stockings.
Quills are things that are sometimes
taken from the pinions of one goose
TO spread the opinions of another.
10 work our own contentment, we
should labor not so much to increase
our substance as to moderate our de-
sire. er.-.n q
That was an awkward mistake of
Wigsby, in attempting to remove an
artificial bug from lady's hair, and
bringing down all the e"twist" attached
to her head by that ornament.
An old miser having listened to
very eloquent discourse on charity,
remarked; "That sermon SO strongly
proves the necessity of almsgiving,
that | have almost mind to Jeg."
"Wbat is thats" said the Sunday.
school teacher, pointing to the letterO.
'Dunno," said the urchin.
"What do you say whom you stub
your toes p
"Darn it." was the precocious reply.
A John Bull, conversing with an
Indian, asked him if he know that the
sun never sets on the Queens domin-
ions. 'No," said the Indian. ado
you know the reason why?" asked
John. because God is afraid to trust
an Englishman in the dark" was the
savage's reply.
Some poor fellow-who has been
| Tilted, we should Judge, and brought
to grief by some fair one-thus re-
venges his wrongs: "Eve did not
know as much as her daughters of the
present day. Had they been in her
place, instead of being deceived, they
would have deceived the DEVIL sl
The wife of celebrated physician
one day, casting her eye out of the
window, observed her husband in the
funeral procession of one of his pa
tients, at which she exclaimed: "I'do
wish my husband would keep away
from such professions; il appears
too much like a tailor carrying home
his work.
One exceedingly hot day in July,
neighbor met an old man and re-
M marlsed tL~t :. --~- --.y I.g-s, ayvo,"
says Joe, off it wasn't for one thing,
should say we were going to have
thaw.p What is that Z? inquired his
friend. "There's nothing froze," says
Joe. The old man went on his way,
much enlightened VIZ"
Two school teachers in Indiana fell
out and had fight. A great crowd
was, of course, the necessary conse-
quoncA A nervous individual came
up in breathless excitement, and in
quired of wag the cause. "Why,"
said he, ''they fell out about spelling
the word bird One said il was
byrd, and the other contended that
il was 'burd.P
A Quaker gentleman, riding in a
carriage with a fashionable lady, |
decked with a profusion OF iewelry, |
heard her complain of the cold, Shiv-
ering in her lace bonnet and shawl, |
as light as cobwebs, she exclaimed;
"What shall l do to get warm p
81 really don't know" replied the
Quaker, solemnly, "unless thee should
put on another breast ping'
An exchange says truly that "you
may put q thousand excellent thinge
in newspaper, and never hear a |
word of appreciation from its readers
but Just let line or two not suited to |
their taste slip in, (though by acci-
dent and you viii be sure to hear of |
it," There is more trouble in keeping
newspaper free from Objectionable !
things, than in filling it twice over.
j. r. was a stingy old creature, eager
for money, but he was a jealous men,
ber of church, and ostentatious in
his religious exercises. "gohn," said
Catharine to her brother, "what could |
have made that old wretch a Christ
ianY al can tell you" said John
"he has heard that the streets of tho
New Jerusalem are paved with gold,
and he is determined to get there"
"Sir," said an old Scotch woman TO
her minister, 81 dinna ken part of
your sermon yesterday" "1ndeed
what was it" "You said tho Apostles
used the figure of circumlocution, and
| dinna ken what il means" '1s that
all? It's very plain. The figure Of
circumlocution is merely periphrastic
mode of diction." "Oh ah is that
allY" said the good woman, "what a
puir fool ! were not to understand
that {"
At Adams Express Office, in Phila.
delphia, on Tuesday, directed to the
United States Hotel, Atlantic City,
was box made of Lakewood, light
almost as pastboard, thus tenderly in.
scrbed.
"ro ruE EXPRESS AGENT.
"rhis package contains q duck of bonnet:
Exprcssman, pray you, place nothing upon Il.
'Tis made Of ribbon, straw aud feather,
The whole with postage stamp fastened together.
It's owner, damsc Is youthful aud fair,
Bot, like Flora Mcflimsy, has nothing to wear.
Beware, then, ESprcssman pray you take heed
ndforward this bonnet with care and with speed
AS one of the Dover, (England) vol
unteers was passing along, rifle in
hand, he was accostcd by a precocious
urchiu, who cried out:
"Who shot the dog y
This saying our friend appeared by
no means to relish. SO, turning, he
said: nni
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