American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1867-08-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

SIGNAL FOR A BARK-Pulling dogs tail.
ssy-We see in a recent statement, that
the Census embraces seven millions of wo>
men. Who wouldn't be Census
.Iss- Preiudices are like rats, and, man IS
mind like trap; they get in easily, and
then perhaps can't git out at all
Res~'' How came such greasy mess in
the oven p said fdgety old spinster to
her maid of,all. work. :" Why" replied
the girl, " the candles fell into the water,
D9-A gentlemen once asked, What is
woman? 2" when a married man replied !;
She is an essay on grace, in one volume
elegantly bound. Although it may be dear
every man should have n copy of it,"
nay What n fine head your boy has p
said an admiring friend. Yes, yes, said
the fond father, he's chip OF the old
block, 'aint you soRnY?' 81 guess 50 dad
dy, cause teacher said l was young
block head
Bsy-'' say, Jones, how is it that your
wife dresses 50 magnifceutly, and you all
ways appear out at the elbow W Jones, Tins
pressiveIy AMI Significantly You see,
| Thompson, my wife dresses according to the
Gazets Of Fashion, and dress according
to my Ledger"
BagH"Sir," said an indignant husband to
a restless friend, "you have abused my hos
pitality, you have kicked me down stairs,
and you have kissed my wife before my
face. Beware, sirl A few more such out
RACES, and by Jove, you'll rouse the lion"
Ha5-'lhe times are so hard | can scarce
| ly keep my head above water" said hus-
baud the other night to his wife, who was
| importuning him for a new dress. "No."
she replied with some asperity, "but you
can keep it above brandy and water easy
enough
gaS~A clergyman, who was consoling
young widow upon the death of her hus,
band, spoke in ii very serious tone, remark
ing that "Ile was one of the few. You
cannot find his equal, you know" To
which the sobbing fair one replied, with IN
almost broken heart, 81 don't know, but
I'll try.
BJ~A venerable lady of celebrated
phy5cian, one day casting her eye out of
the window, observed her husband in the
funeral procession of one of his patients, at
which she exclaimed 81 do wish my hus,
band would keep away from such professions
lit appeSrs too much like tailor carrying
home his work.
Ezg~ x lady found occasion to call upcn
dentist TO have her teeth filled. Among
those filed were two front ones and when
in pleasant mood, the lady's face shone
with Smiles whose polished gold gil
from the upper iucisors. Those were obsrv
ed with admiration by her little niece, who,
by and by seriously marked:-Aunt Mary,
| wish hal copper toed teeth, like yours"
FSS~rhe proprietor off cotton factory
put this notice on his gate: " No cigars or
good looking men admitted" In explana-
nation he said: :" The one will set flame
aguing among my cotton, and the other
among my girls. | won admit such dnn>
gerous things into my establishment The
risks are too great.
The VIcTlM Of FASHION. -(Jones has
been telling Robinson one of his splitting
stories). Robinsnn-"Ya,as,i its very fun.
ny!" Jones -" Then why the deuce don't
Won laugh ?H Robinson" Why, my dear
fellah, | would with pleasure, but darn't
dis play nv emotion-these trowsers are SO
tremendously tight" E.-.........- .'
d. Gag-' John, my son." said doting faith
er, VINO was about taking his son into bu-
siness, what shall be the style of the new
firm /? g Well, Governor" said the one>and
swgnty yyau,, iooSI .sI ,n'o tuo heavens h., 70
Llnu an dnsmeri hra t,hn uo" SnIn %nJwmSu' sup
PVS, We ~, nav f, oonn - - oanp plns an ~
er: me oir governor was 'ii'n SUES "s 1ne
OF s'hal''y o' Tue iu7'' pu' oou'u n' "uop'
IT, nj, IN c
bsg biuh', wealthy farmer had SIX
uausntersi young man ol equaI lflnkness
come 70 MN anu "skeH srL MN I[eni'ssioi 70
auuress a. ONE VI .nem. ine iarno' ieptleu,
uo you WISH " ,iarIy in VI out, siti rr On II
hold" :" wish TO marry out sir' was
the reply" Then take one, saul he but