Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1867-10-11
Varieties.
However it may be on other days, bostol
will have its Phil on Monday next.


A Western paper says that the rituallstic
system of marrying, which occupies three
hours. will never do out there, as people
sometimes are married. divorced and married
again within less than that time.
An old lady lately refused to let her niece
dance with a Young graduate because she
b ard that be was bachelor OF arts, Where
by she misunderstood him to be an artiul
bachelor.
Alta recent railroad celebration, the iol-
lowing sentiment was given - Our moth
ers-the only faithful tenders who never
misplaced a switch"
In Europe they talk Of the woman S rights
movement in this country as - the insurTec-
ton of women IN America" They think 1t
is a serious matter.
Aman in Alton, Iowa, has escaped from
punishment for adultery because tie highly
educated prosecuting attorney had charged
him with " iiolatry,'' which is not known
as a crime IN Iowa.
Young men who worship the long earls.
and itch 10 get keepsake lock, should bear
in mind that about half the time they are
purchased at the hair store, and come oil IN
junk ct 10 P. NJ.
4 fellow went to Long Branch for his
health-to pick up a httle-and picked up
enough to send him to prison for three
years.
An unctuous little paper published in the
hos for - mOfRO saIr0Te
oil things hold fast to that which Is good.
a Young girl who married q New York
b'hoy. somewhat given to dissipation, said
in extenuation that as she had always heard
half q loaf was better than no bread, she
thought half q =. loaler' must be better than
no man.
The Italian advocate PanattOni was re-
Gently defending a man who had swindled
the Government Gentleman of the Jury
said he, - | have practiced my profession
honorably. | believe my client innocent
II you refuse to acquit him what influence
will have in pleading future cases p
Julius Caesar johnson, wha what an
you doing now, Julius ?'' " l'se in a new
busimness, now, Joshua, / Is. Lei dc old
wun. slap. Wasn't spectacle uuff for di'
nIggar, Joshua" " Well julius, what an
1t my boy?'' - Paper bisumuess-goOd
easy time--frce trade and all dat-uo bis
rent, Joshua. Use in de paper line-l's'
picks up de Loose stuff lay'n roun de streets
yah, yah, yah
4 cOlOrcd witness was examined in Wash
ington City Court to prove the identity 0
awhite man the other day.
Distriot Attorney" Did You see til,
man 20
4" Yes sir, seed him -
"Was be white man
Don't know, SIR
"Do you tell me you saw the man an,
can't say whether he was white or black!
81 Yes sir, seed him but dare's SO man.
white fellows calling demselves niggers roul
here, can't tell one from tOd'er."
Witness Observation-Disclosures satlsiac
tory.
If learning has its centre in the brain,
Tell me. why is it, in the teachers art.
That they, when greater progress they Woul
gain,
Apply incentives TO some other part?
"a To teach the young ideas to shoot
The school marms ply with lash and goadinC
As If each one, beyond dispute,
Believed the shooters to be all breech-loading
A gentleman remarked that -, VIII
used to be given to sharp practice, was get
ting more circumspect. YES reptile
Judge Hoar, Of Massachusetts,, "he ha
reached the superlatiye Of liie-he began b
seeking 10 get on, then he sought to e
honor, and now be is trying TO get honest.
Gail Hamilton deplores the fate of youn
woman she knows. who is to be married an
live in Chicago. Gail forgets the Chicag
probability that the bride will be divorce
and back home in less than three months.
A loyal gentleman at the South recent
had new carriage, the lining of which va
gray lie made a call on a secesh relatiy,
The lady went TO the door to look at II
vehicle. and, noticing the lining, said: "
like that color" YES" quickly reptile
the owner, cts su5dlled color.
The latest case of enforcing the dog law
told OF the constable Of Greenfield, Mas:
who carefully worked up case dgaist Il
proprietor Of a saw-mill, for keeping two u
licensed dogs, which be Afterwards learn,
much 10 his disgust, were not the quadr
peds referred to in the law, but the ''dog.
usually found IN a saw-mill as part Of 4
necessary machinery.
X Tie other day a young lady OF {
" beautiful, blushing type" went into
prominent dry goods store in New Bedtor
Mass, IN search of some undress muslin
Not wishing to use this awkward term. wi
several distinct and audible a. ahems - s
said TO The attentive clerk " Have YOU al
muslin that rs not up IN the morning? ~ Il
clerk tainted, and VAS relieved by the stout
hearted proprietor.
4 DISTINCTION WITHOUT a Difference
Young man in New Haven on Mond
rushed into a drug store, and, in great alar
asked the clerk if benzne was poiz5no,
"NO.' said the clerk, "why - .'Because
said the fellow, "father went 10 the closet
take down the gin bottle. ami by mista
took several swallows before he knew it
ale is all right, replied the clerk. " I
only difference between b-Hzine and mode
gin is in the smell.
gentleman who has been travelling
Vermont the past SUMMER. writes :-''
have been all over the State this summC
and have not seen in my travel, thus far,
except 1t was nowand then "a visitor from Ne
York or Boston. | fnd. m recover, tn
public opinion oyerywh,-, susiains the N
hibitory law, and am told ,tat it has be,
growing more unanimous ca year since d
law was first enacted. " y. Nation.
A passenger train on tire Morris aud Ess
K. II. OF y. j., ran into coal tram
Chatham, TUESDAY morning smashing I
engine and cars, but killing no one but
brakeman. The train WAS =. hagg-d'' ha
mile of The brakemen, train defective
and many Of the passenger saw the fagmal
but did not the engineer APPARENTLY.
DIcKENs' READINGS. - These entcrtUii
ments. Of which so much has been said
late, are no longer merely possible or pro-
able; they are positive. Mr. Dickens hi
telegraphed to his American publisher
Messrs. TIcknor & Fields, that be shall !
ready to begin his readings in America du
ing the first week in December TIE della
be makes in coming is no; account of b
health, which never was better but Is rel
dered necessary for the completion Of b
rlans for tho wears xrort ur.an bfs ,rc,LI-