The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-02-22
SPARE LINES.


Mr.. johnson is the only public man who
rivaled da,seuse in standing on one toe
the Veto.
al am happy to be virgin" said maid
en- lady to bride, who retorte'l, eyes
vergin' on fhy!"
Upon a sign in Richmond tho following
worls appear in painted, solemn earnest;
Presidents Policy - Whisky, Porter, Ale
and Cigars
A man who was thrown through win.
dow, sash, glass and all. remarked after
wards that he had never experienced such
piercing panes before.
AZ n Prsyermeeting in New Hampshire,
worthy layman spoke Of poor boy
whose father WINS drunkarl and whose
mother was widow.
A bashfhl printer refused n situation in a
printing Office where, female compositon
were employed, saying he never set up with
a girl in his life.
A conseript, being told that il was sweet
to die Tor ones country, excused himself
on the ground that he never did like sweet
things
A clergyman gave toast Tint wns not
very gallant, ut late fircmen's celebration:
"Our fire engines-may they he like old
Whatsoever ready, but never wanted"
A preacher in Bcrks county, discoursing
about Daniel in the lions den, said: "An
thar he sot nll night long, a lookin at the
show for nothin, and il didn't cost him
nary cent.
What is the earliest mention OF bank
ing transaction? When Pharaoh received
a check tchequc) on the Bank Of the Red
Sen, which was crossed by Moses and Aar-
on.
A sailor being asked how he liked his
wife, replied, @why, dye see, took her
to he only half Of me, rs the pason said,
but dash me, if she isn't twice as much rs
!. I'm only n tar, and she is Tartar"
A gentleman gave rs toast ut dinner,
"Thc ladics-Dividc our sorrows, double
our Joys, and treble our expenses" when a
lady gave, ~Thc genilcmen-Dividc our
time. double our cares, AMI treble our trou.
bles."
The school-books published at the South
arc great curiositics. Here is an example
in mental arithmetic, copied from one Of
them: aSeven Confederate soldiers cap
turcd tweniy-onc Yankees and divided them
equally between them; how many did cach
havc?"
A young man out West was entrusted
with tho money to bring his father home
good family sewing machine. lie carried
or ncighbor's daughter to Chicago, mar
ricd her and brought her home, declaring
She was the best family sewing machine he
could procure.
A daily newspaper man, who has Just
gone out Of the traces, says he is becoming
quite well acquainted with his family. He
discovered. to his surprise, that his daugh-
ter could play quite well upon the piano.
He never had time to discover the fact be.
fore.
While ten men watch for chances one
man makes chances, and while ten wait for
something to turn up, one turns something
up; so while ten fail, one succeeds and is
called man Of luck, the favonte Of for
tune. There is no luck like pluck, and for
tune most favors those who arc most indif-
fcrcnt to fortune.
The New York Commercial Advcr-
tiscr says: A wretch came into this office
this morning, in the midst Of the storm,
and perpetraied tho following conundrum,
which is fcarfully and wonderfully made,
but which, considering the weather. we
characterize Us s'no joke. 1t is thusly -
Suppose a Queen resolves to pare her
thumb nail only once in seven years, why
L. that year like the said Queens robes Of
Officer ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS IL is her pare
ofT:hcr.nail-yeor. A patent is applied for.
A Richmond paper thinks that if the
present generation OF New England men
had been more soundly logged when they
were schoolboys, they would probably
have been better men. To which the
Springfield Republican rctoris: "if the
present rice Of the Southern leaders had
been floggcd at all in their boyhoo.l, instead
Of amusing themselves by fiogging young
darkies, we should not have been under
the painful necessity of hogging them in
their old age, and we fear the job is not yet
half DONE"
A merchant once made a bargain with
country lady tor two chickens. On carry
ing them to his store, he bcing busy, she
placed them on the end Of the counter.
Our young friend didn't think That tho
proper place for them, but didn'nt like to
my so plainly, 80 he remarked, ns the
chickens were trying to jump about. They
won't lay there, viii theyH" meaning that
they would jump of the counter. His as
constituent may be imagined when the Ia
dy replied, .Of course they won't; they're
ROSTERS"
A gentleman Of Trinity College, Dublin,
had written poem Of very considerable
merit, which he had called -Thc Discm-
bodied" The poem was. however, 50 full
Of metaphysical points, aud bad such
metaphysical tendency, that il was not gen.
orally appreciated, and hence tho circula-
"a