Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1867-04-18


In the State Of Tennessee
None could swear as hard a. he;
While blaspheming nj a mark
Fate shifted out his vital spark
Probably he has gone towel
One would hardly like to tell
ON BESJANiN WADE.
Renowned for blasphemy and canting,
Wade in the balance and found wanting;
The odds are millions to pin
He's not an Upper Benjamin"
To remove stains from the charac
ter-get rich"
Barnum still has museum in New
York but he has no show in Con
necticut.
Donneybrook Fair is a good place L
take chances there the Irish all club
together.
A little child hearing the text giver
out at church, "And the child waxed
strong" asked Papa, bow did they
wax him 7"
"Why did Adam bite the apple p
said the school-master TO one of his
pupils. because he had no knife,
replied the urchin.
We lick the stamps that the tyrants
of the day impose upon us. Our
fathers licked the tyrants who sought
to impose stamps on them.
Never trust married man with a
secret who loves his wife, for he will
tell her, and she will tell her sister,
and her sister will tell everybody.
In history of plants the author
thus notices the virtue of hemp: "By
this cordage ships are guided, bells
are rung, and rogues are keptin awe
A chap advcrtises in Boston for
board, to be paid for in first class
dentistry" lie wants TO insert his
own teeth, and pull out the teeth of
somebody else.
In some parts of Maine il is report.
cd that the "Back Measles" prevail
with fearful mortality. The whole
country has had that sickness pretty
bad for several years.
A chap who was told by the col
porteur TO remember Lots wife"
replied that he had trouble enough
with his own wife, without rcmem-
bering other mems wives.
When Judge Russell, of Boston, ad-
dressed the School Ship boys, on Sun.
day, he asked where St. Patrick was
born, and one of the boys shouted at
once, ain a stable in Bethlehem"
A farmer in Montreal says no one
need tell him that advertising won Z
cause big rush, for he advertised ten
bushel of grapes for sale, and the next
morning the boys had stolen them all.
A member of fashionable church
electrified a music seller sometime
since by inquiring for "Solomon's
Song" saying his minister had spoken
Of it as production OF great genius,
and he wanted his daughter to sing it.
A laundering or willful eompositor
and proofreader on the Davenport
(Iowa) Gdsette recently caused that
journal to appear with the following
dispatch "The Committee of Ways
and Means have decided TO put Chase
and Butler on the free list" II should
have read cheese and butter.
A wee bit of a boy having been
slightly classified by his mother, sat
very quietly in his chair for few
minutes afterwards, no doubt thinking
very profoundly. At last he spoke
out thus: "Muzzer, | wish dad would
get anoEzer housekeeper-rve got
tired o. secin' you round"
A servant girl in Covington, living
in the family of a doctor, filed the
pepper castor with horse powders,
which the doctor had left lying around
loose. The unsuspecting sawbones is
much addicted to pepper, and used
largo quantity of the conditon-pow-
der at his next meal. The friend says
he is now in fine condition, has rented
stall in a livery stable, and talks of
running for mayor.
In the following manner does a Col
orado editor welcome the return of a
respectable citizen: "Our respected
townsman, Mr.. George Tritch, re-
turned from the East in last evenings
coach. lie has ON a suit of State
clothes, including q plug hat, and Is
the dogondist looking cuss we have
seen since jim Ford left. We are
glad to see him back again, however,
and hope he will now settle down and
behave himself"
"Sambo, can you tell me in what
building people are most likely to take
coldl
"Why, no; me strange in de town
and can't tell dat
"Well, willtell you-it is de bank. 4"
"How is dat -
"Bccanse dare are so many drafts
in t."
''Dat Is good; but can you tell me
what makes dare be 50 many drafts
10 it 7"
mo"
"Bccause so many 60 dare to raise