The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1867-10-19
[from Artemus Wards own Book.l
Joy I'm the House of Ward.
DEAR SINS

two year old steer, and in the fnter them
boys which sez to me Ego up, old Bawld
he'd, will do so at the peril Of their haz.
ard, individually I'm very happy. Ny
house is full Of JOY, and have to git up
nights and larfl Sumtimes ax myself
us it not dream?" & suthin withinto
me seq sit air." butwhen / look at them
sweet little critters and hear 'em squawk
know it isa reality-2realitys may say
and ! feel gay.
/ returned from the Summer Campane
with my unparaeld show of wax works and
livin wild Bcests Of Pray in the early part
of this muuth. The pcple Of BaldinsviIIc
met me coTdully aud immejitly commcnst
restin myself with my famerly. The 9th.
er mite while was down 10 the tayurn tos-
tin my shins agin tho bar room FIRE 4
amuzin the krowd with sum Of my adyen.
turs, who shood cum 10 bare hedcd Il terri
bic excited bat Bill Stokes, who sez. he,
"Old Ward, there's CRATE doius up TO your
house"
SEE /, William, how so %
Sez he, "Bust my gizzud, but its CRATE
doins," & then he laried as if heed kill
hisselR.
See risin and putin on austeer look.
rWilliam, woodunt be fool if l had
common cents"
But he kept on larfin I'LL he was black
in the face, when he fell over on TO the
bunk where the hostler sleeps, and in a
still small voice sed, "Twins !n I assure
you gents that tho grass didn't grow under
mi feet on mi way hum, Il wus follcred
By enthusiastic throng of my fellcr sit
terzcns, who hurrard for Old Ward at the
top Of their voises. / found the house
chock full of peple. Thar was Mis- Square
Baxter and her three grown up dariers,
lawyer Perkinses wife, Taberthy Ripley,
young Ebcn Parsums, Deakun Simmuns
folks, the Skoolmas:er, Doctor Jordin, et-
setery eisetery. Mis- Ward was in the west
room which jincs the kitchin. Mis- Square
Baxter was mixin suthin in diper befor
the kitchin fire, & a small army Of female
wimen were rushin wildly round the house
with bottles of eamGre, poaces of flannel,
&c. never seed such hnbbub in my
natral born dasc. Good not stay in the
west room only mint, 80 strung mp was
my feelins, 20 / rusht out and ceased ny
dubbeI barrild gun.
"What upon airth alcs the man 2" see
Taberthy Ripley. "Sakcs alive. what air
you doin y 4 she grabbed me BY the coat
tales. What's the matter with you she
continerd.
Twins, marm," seq /, twins
~ know il" sez she, covcrip her pretty
Ease with her apun.
"WalI, seq /, "that's what's the matter
with me !" t'f
"Wali put down that air gun, you pesky
old fool, sod she.
"No, marm," sed /, ''this is Nashunal
day. The glory of this here day isn't con.
fined to Baldinsville BY darn site. On
yonder woodshed," sod I, drawin myself
up TO my full hite and speakin in a show
actin voice, twill fire Nashuual salootl"
sayin which | tared miself from her grasp
and rusht to the top of the shed WHARF
blazcd away until Square Baxter's hired
man and my son Artemus Juneycr cum Il
tux me down bi name forse.
On returnin TO the kitchin found quite
a lot of peple seated bel the FIRE talkin
the event over They made room for me
& sot down. "Quitc eppisode," sed
Doctor Jordin, litin his pipe with q red hot
coal.
YES" seq l, 80 eppisodcs, waying about
is pounds jintly"
"a perfeek coop de tat" said the skool-
master.
az pluribus unum, in proprietor per-
sony" sod |, thinkin I'd let him know
understood furrin IangEidges as well as he
did, If wasn't skoolmaster.
cit il indeed momentious event." sed
young Ehen Pasuns, who has been 2 quar-
ters to the Academy.
fI never heard twins called by that
name before, sed /, bu: sposo its all
rite"
eve shall soon have Wards enuff, u sed
the editur of the Baldinsville Bugal of
LiJerti, who was lookin over bundle Of
exchange papers in the corner, "to ap-
ply to the legislature for City Char
ter ?"
"Good for you old man r sed /, "giv
that air conspickius place in the next
Bagte"
"How redicklus," sed pretty Susun
Fletcher, coverin her face with her knit
in work & larfn like all possest.
"Wall, for my part, scd Jane Maria
Peasley who is the crossest old made in
the world, "I think you all act like pack
Of FOOLS"
See /, aMiss Peasley, air you parent" ?"
Sez she, ''No | amt"
Sez |, "Miss Peasly, you never will be. !"
She left.
We sot thare talkin & larfn until ''the
witchin hour of mite, when grave yards
yawn & Josts troop 4th, as old Bill Shak-
spire aptloe obsarvs in his dramy of John
Sheppard, ESQ.,, or the Moral house Break
er, when we broke up and disbursed.
Muther Il children is doin we'll &
as Resolushuns is the order of the day I
will feel obleeged if you'llinsurt the fol-
Ierin, ,ii'i a's.s t.tss
Whereas, two Eppisodes has happined
up to The undersined's house, which is
Twins !; 4 Whereas | like this stile,e sade
twiusbein Of the male perswashun & both
boys; thar4 Be it,
Res6lved, that to them .nabers who did
the fare thing by sade Eppisodes my hart
felt thanks is doc.
Resolved, that / do most hartily thank
Engine Ko. No. il who, under the in-
preshun from. the fus at mi house on that
auspichus mite that thar was konHagra-