The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-02-13
HUMOROUS.
How Ben Purtle Got His Wife
A WESTERN STORY.

ana each lalr StOOQ as II cncfISNeC
the supremest contempt for its
neighbor. His face was freckled
as the most beSpotted turkey egg.
His nose supported at the bridge
a lump, while the end turned Wei
ously to one side. His mouth had
every shape but a pretty SHAPE.
His form vas as uncouth as his
face was ugly. The very climax
of ugliness was Ben Purtle. What
was more, still, Ben had q hand
some, bouncing, blooming wifc-
such as can only be grown upon
a country farm.
"How the Deuce" said I to Ben,
one day, "did you ever get such q
wife, you uncouth, mi5shappen:
quintessence Of monstrosity."
Ben was not al all offended by
the impertinence Of my question
and forthwith began to solve the
mystery thus
"WeI, now, gals what's sensi-
sible, amt cotched by none of
your purity and hifalutin airs. I've
seen that tried more'n once. You
know Kate was alters considered
the purtiest gal in these parts,
and all the young feIlers in the
naberhood used to try to cotch
her.-Well, I used to go over
to old Sammy,s too, just to kinder
look on, you know, and cast sheep
eyes at Kate. But mercy salleS !!
l had no more thought that |
could get Kate than a Jerusalem
cricket could hide in the hair that
wasn't on o11 Sammy's bald head
no sirea. But still, [ couldn't
help going, and my heart would
kinder lutter, and my eyes would
burn all over, when I'd go to walk
with Kate. And one day when
Kate Borrer made fun Of me like,
it almost killed me, sure; I went
home with something.like rock
jostling about in my breast, and
declared I'd hang myself with the
first plow line I found.
"Did you hang yourself?';
No daddy blazed out to me for
takin' old Ball to the paster in the
morning, and scared me so that I
forgot it,
$50 on" said /, seeing Ben pause
with apparent regret that he had
not executed his VOW. .r.
DWELL, soon on Sunday morning
Il reckon it was a year after that
langing scrape-I got up and
scraped my face with daddy's old
razor, and put on my new copper
as britches, and new insey coat
NANNY had dyed with sassafras
bark, and went over to uncle Sam
my's. Now, I'd got to loving Kate
like all creation, but I Inevercheaped
to any one about my feelings. But
l knowed I was on the right side
Of the old folks" ......
DWELL, now, amt it queer. con
tinued Ben, chow a fellow will
feel sometimes ? When I got there
ndseed Kate with her new homps-
pun frock on, I rally thought Id
take the blind staggers, anyhow"
Ben paused again to brush the
fog from his eyelids, and then con-
tinued -. a..
"We1, I found the order ofthe day
was to go museadine hunting. Joe
Shap and his two sisters, and Jim
Bowls was thar. I'd knowed a
long time that Shap Was rite after
Kate, and l hated him worse than
a hog hates to find road out Of a
'tate1' patch but I didn't let on.
Shap had on white britches and
fine shoes and broadcIoth ovcrcoat,
but everybody knowed he wasn't
worth a red cent He walked with
Kate, and you ought to have seen
the airs he put on. 1t was Miss
Kate this, and Miss Kate that
and all such H0nSence. After
awhile we came near slough we
had to cross on log, and I'd a
notion to pitch the sassy good for
nothing into the water"
"Why didn't you!" 1 asked.
"Stop, never mind,". said Ben,
giving a nudge. 'Providence done
all that up brown. Nothing must
do but Joe Shap must lead Miss
Kate across fust. He jumped
on the log in Ligh glee, ahd took
Kate's hand, and they put off