The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1867-10-10
Cossias Sngsy EDigsarsg.


and as it has been some time since the
public have been called upon to LAUGH
over its exquisite ridioulousness, we will
give 1t a start again: ....
SCENE,-4 con5t Of Justice IN South
Cdro5jnq.
Il beardcss disciple of Thcmis rises
and thus addresses the Court; May it
please your worship and you gentlemen
of the jury, since it has been nv fortune
good or bad q will no. say) to exercise
myself in legal disquisition, it has never
befaiIon me to be obliged to prosecute
so dircfully marked an assault-a moro
wilful, violent and dangerous battery,
and finally more diabolical breach of
the peace has seldom happened in civ.
ilized country, and dare say it seldom
has been your duty TO pass upon one so
shocking to benevolent feelings, as this
which took place over at Captain Rice's
IN this county 6u: you will hear from
the witnesses.
The Witnesses being sworn, two or
three were examined aud deposod One
said that he heard the noise but did not
see the fight; another that he saw the
row, but did not know who struck first
and another that he was very drunk
and couldn't say much about the skrim.
mage.
Lawyer Chops-I am sorry, gentle
men, to have occupied your time with
the stupidity of the witnesses examined.
1t arises, gentlemen, from misappre,
hension on my part. Had I known, as
L now do, that had a witness who was
acquainted with all the circumstances of
the case, and who was able to make him
self clearly understood to the court and
jury, l should not have trespassad SO
long on your patience Come forward
Mr., Harris, and be sworn
So forward comes the witness, a fat,
chuify old man, leetle" cornad, and |
took his oath wit an air.
Chops-IIarris, we wish you TO tell |
about the riot that happened the other
day at Captain Rice's, and as good deal
OF time has already been wasted in cir.
oumiocution, we wish you to be compen.
dlous. a. the same fine &C ovnlioif as
possible.
Harris-Adzakly (giving the lawyer
a knowing wink, at the same time clear
ing his throat), Captain Rice he gin a
treat and cousin Sally Billiards she
come over to our house and axed me if
my wife she Youtn't 60 I told cousin
Sally billiard that my wife was poorly,
being as how she had touch of rheu.
MATES in the hip, and big swamp was
up in the road, there havin been great
deal Of rain lately, but howsomever as it
was she, cousin Sally billiard, said my
she mout go. Well, cousin Sally Dill
ard then axod me if Nose he moutent
go. told cousin Sally billiard that he
was foreman Of the crap, and the crap
was smartly in the grass; but howsom-
ever, as it was she, cousin Sally billiard,
Nose he mout go.
Chops--in the name Of common sense
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by this
rigmarole q?
Witnoss-Captain Rice he gin treat
and cousin Sally billiard she came over
to my house and axed me ifmy wife she
moutn't 60, and told cousin Sally Dill
ard -
Chops-Stop, sir, if you please we
don't want to hear about your cousin
Sally billiard or your wife, tell US about
the fight at Rices.
Wimes-Wcll, 1 will, sir, if you will
let me.
Chops-Well, sir, go on.
Witness-Well, sir, Captain Rice,
he gin a treat, and cousin Sally billiard
she came over to my house, and asked
me If my wife she mout go
Chops-Hero it is again, Witness
please 20 stop.
Witncss--Woll, sir, what do you
want?
Chops-We want to know about the
fight, and you must not proceed with
this impertinent story. Do you know
anything about the matter before the
court ?
Witness-To be sure I do.
Chops-Well go on, then, and tell it
and nothing else,
WItness-Wcll, Captain Rice, he gin
a treat
ChopS-Ihls IS lntolerahle May 1t
please the court, 1 move that the witness
be committed for contempt. He
seems to be trihing with this court
Court--Witness, you are before the
court of justice, and, uDless you behave
yourself in a more becoming manner,
you will be sent to Jail; so begin and
tol. me what you know about the fight
at Ree's.
Witness, somewhat alarmed Well,
gentlemen, Captain Rice he gin treat
aud cousin Sally Dillard-
Court-(after deiherating) Mr.. Ats
torpey, the court is OF the opinion that
we may save time by letting the witness
go on his own way, Proceed Mr.. Harris
with your story, but stick to the point.
Witness - Yes, gentlemen. Well,