The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-07-30
HELPING TO EDIT.
A Stranger Wants TO Work His Way-He
Tries His Hand on the Weather-The
II

Result,
BY "GRIs."
A stranger came into our sanctum this
morning, a well-meaning, innocent looking in
dividual, who stated that he was detained in
town a few hours, and wanted to while away
his time by reading the newspapers. He said,
although he was poor, he didn't believe in
getting something for nothing. "I can't pay
money" he said, with touching melancholy,
Gin return for discommoding you and for the
privilege of looking over your exchanges; but
if there is any way in which can recOmpense
you-work my way, as it were-I will cheer
fully do it."
We told him he was welcome to read the
papers; but he sturdily insisted upon doing
something for us in return, and said unless
he could do it, he should be reluctantly COM
PEELED to bid us very good morning.
"Now," said this singular stranger, 'if l
could sweep out your Office or split kindling
wood for you, or help you edit --'
A thought struck us. We were short
handed, and the weather had produced its
naturally languid effect upon us, so that we
felt repugnance to labor-besides, here was
independence in poverty, which we admired.
We then told him he might assist us in ''edit-
ing" and suggested that he give us an article
upon the present hot weather. His face
frightened up at once, and borrowing lead
pencil of us (his landlord, he said, had taken
his for his board), he sat down to the task.
We advised him lay off his coat, which was
buttoned up to the throat, and woollen, in
tended originally for the winter months;
although thin enough for the equator-at the
ebows-but he declined with such precipita-
ton that we fear the poor fellow hadn't any
shirt on. He said he never "edited' before,
but he knew he could do it.
After several hours of sweltering toll, dur
ing which he tainted number of times from
the heat, and was revived by the Office boy
(who believed him to be an impostOr) going
to the head of the concern and "blowing'' on
him, he produced the following article on the
weather. We give it as he wrote it, merely
taking the liberty of inserting few explana-
tory sentences in parenthess:-
HOT WEATHER.
Hot weather is owing in measure to the
great number of thermometers that are manu-
tactured at this season of the year. If we
didn't have so many thermometers it wouldn't
be so hot, leastwise we wouldn't notice it so
much. | know a man who thought the
weather was cool and salubrious until, in an
evil hour he listened to the solicitations of his
daughters, who were getting stuck up, and
wanted thermometer, and so he bought
one. The next day he had sunstroke.
Thermometers ought to be abolished by act of
Congress. Look at the Arctic regions The
Arctics don't have any thermometers
What's the consequence They don't have
any hot weather. (Drowsy with the heat, the
able writer had to be aroused with heavy
blow from FAM
Hot weather occurs in the summer for the
most part, except in sections where they don't
have any, and then it comes in the winter. Its
principal productions are Fourth of July,
wilted collars, lemonade, sunstroke, ice-cream,
| bowel complaint, watermelons awnings, linen
coats, hydrophobia, bathing-tu straw hats,
! perspiration, watering places, sun umbrellas,
mint iuleps, steamboat excursions, long days,
| hot nights, street sprinklers, beer gardens,
dullness in trade, heavy washing bills, low
water, depression of spirits, mosquitoes, and
the closing of the schools. Gle went to sleep
again, but was revived by drenching him with
several buckets of water. Arousing himself
with a tremendous effort, he began once
more):-
Hot weather is a very old institution, old as
| the world, nearly. Adam and Eve stayed in
the Garden of Eden until it got too hot to
hold them, and they were dressed for warm
latitude, too, according to all reports. Eve
gets the credit for it. Many wives seem to in
herit that unhappy temperament, and make
their homes too hot to hold their lords. eve
suspect that the unhappy stranger is suffering
from ''hot weather. at home, hence his wan
derings. We order an application of warm
ice to his head, and he proceeds.)
1t is easy enough to write about hot weather
when there are others to whom these things of
which the heat at the same time. (The ex-
cessive heat is affecting his reason. He must
wind up sOon.) How singular it is that folks
don't keep cool What is winter for except
to allow people to get cool, but with the i'm
providence of the race they won't keep 1t.
am like all the rest. There has been a GOODNESS
existing between myself and all my relations
for months, but it's no use here. l find il
oozing out in perspiration-I feel as if was
standing on thermometers sixty feet high
hot weather, as l said before-rm baking
oh, that l was a NATURALIZATION l say
that hot weather, of which-I'm broiled-
Pm almost cooked-hot wea- -pn
| done ~
The rash and unfortunate stranger, who's
: honorable instincts would not permit him Il
= receive something for nothing, and VIII
t wanted to "work his way" and who rashl,
attempted to write an article on hot weather
; with the thermometer at its present higl
. standing in society, became utterly PROSTATE,
. at this point, and was laid away in a bacl
o room until he RECEIVERS and is identified. An,
e friends of his can have him by calling at thi
y office, proving property and paying for thi
notice. Cincinnati Times.
q HOTEL CHARGES IN PARIs.-The Paris cor
e respondent of the London Post SAYS