Delaware State journal and statesman., 1867-05-24
WIT AND HUmoR.

FL KEEP 'EM AwAKR.-Near Newark lived
pious family who had adopted an orpnau' w"o,
by the way, was rather under.wttel. lie hau
imbibed strict Vows on religious matters, how
ever, and once asked his adopted mother u sne
didn't think il wrong for The cd fMmers TO come
to church and fall asleep, pnyins no p't'er TO
gard to the service. She reple she dil' Ao'
cordingly before going to church The next sun
day, he filled his pocket with.apples One oa'u'
headed old man who invariably went 10 sleep
during the sermon, particularly attracted bis
attention Seeing him at last nooding, ana CIV
ing usual evidence Of being in the land OF
dreams, he took the astonished sleeper WAN
blow with an apple gu the top of his bald pate
The minister and aroused congregation nj once
turned round aud Indignantly gezed At ms ooy'
who merely said to the preacher, as be TOOK
another apple in his hand, with sober honest
expression Of counlenaaee, You rTeuehi ~
Keep EN- awake'
A SOUTHERN ScENB Wade Hampton grasp
itg full-blooded negro in both hands, MT
sambo. am delighted to see you THIS morning
looking SO we'll, how is yrur wife mud children
- Nule W bOHCll Nho thNOi - 49,
To lea this evening; You will he sure to come
Wont your sambo-'Tank you, Mass'r fIamp-
ton. tank you; | can't 70, cause Ice 'gaged TO
sup and sleep wild Mass'r Gordon dis berry night
}. b. was stiney old creature, eager FOR
money, but be was a EeRlOus member Of
church, and ostentatiOus in his religious exer-
eses. john said Catherine to her brother
what could have made that slingy old wretch "A
Christian Il can tell you, said John, he has
heard that the streets Of the New Jerusalem are
paved with gold, and he is Determined to get
there
Two very gallant sons OF Erin, being just dis
charged from service, were rejoicing over the
event with wee taste Of the oratur, when one
felt all the glory Of his own noble race, sudden
ly raised the pot above his head and enid; 'ArrAb,
Mike, here's to the gallant ould G9Ih-,ho last
IN the field and the frat TO lave it, tut, tut,
man, said Mike 'ys dou't name that You
maue and he raised his glass high, and looked
lovingly at IL, here's to the gallant 69,h-cQHe
10 nonel' And so they drank.
0ae Of our ex. Mayors, the other day, obseiV
Ing large stone lying near his gate ORDERED
bis servant with nn oath, to send II To Purga
tory IT, said the servant, Il were to throw
ii 10 heaven, it would be more out Of your honor
wayn
In the gardens Of certain noblaman's couu
iry house there happened 10 be fixed up Mt dit
irteut spots painted boards with this request
'iesse do not pick the Aowers without leave
Some wag got pAnt brush and added to III
last word.
Au old nicer, who was notorious for sci
denial, was one day nsked why be was SO thii
Il do not know, said the niser; have tri'
various means for getting fatter, but witho'
Success Have you ever ttied victuals = ii
CURED the friend
When Chang and Eng were FIRST exhibited
New York, curious inquirer went up to Il
cxh.blOr aud asked These tho Siamtse z We
sir brothers, presume" On the whole
thought they were.
We were amused with the remark Of an 0
lady who was admitting the beautiful pictu
called "Saved." ats no WONDER" said I'll
that the poor child tainted, after pulling tn
great dog out OF the water"
Quills are thiugs thnt are sometimes TAX
from the p;aions OF one goose to spread I
opinions Of another.
II is sad that the toothache may always
cured by holding in the hand certain root
that Of the tooth
What shall the man say who is sitting on
wite's best bonnet2 I'm sitting on the sly
Mary
What kind Of yarn shall we call Rather
Morn Holmes spun.
Why is fair Luna called the silver moon
eau e he is constantly changing quarters.
wi. is Nabob like a bpggar? Because b
On ludy gent.