The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-03-16
THE SEVENTEENTH LECTURE.

CAUDLE, IN THE COURSE OF THE DAY, HAS VEN
TURED TO QUESTION THE ECONOMY OF "wAsHING
AT HoMEn
ga pretty temper you come to bed in, Mr.
Caudle, can seal Oh, don't deny it-I think
l ought to know by this time. But it's always
the way; whenever get up few things, the
house can hardly hold you Nobody cries out
more about clean linen than you do-and
nobody leads poor woman so miserable a
a life when she tries to make her husband
comfortable. Yes, Mr. Caudle-comfortable
You needn't keep chewing the word as if you
couldn't swallow it. Vas there ecer such
aOoman? No, Caudle, l hope not. should
hope no other wife was ever put upon as |
am It's all very well for you. | can't have
a little wash at home like anybody else, but
you must go about the house swearing to
yourself, and looking at your wife as if she
was your bitterest enemy. But | suppose
you'd rather we didn't wash at all. Yes; then
you'd be happy! To be sure you would
you'd like to have all the children in their
dirt like potatoes; anything, so that it didn't
disturb you. | wish you'd a wife who'd never
wash'd-she'd have suited you, she would.
Yes fine lady, who'd have let your children
go that you might have scraped 'em. She'd
have been much better cared for
than | am. only wish could let all of you
go without clean linen at all--yes, all of you.
| wish l could! And if l wasn't slave to my
family, unlike anybody else, l should.
''No, Mr.. Caudle; the house isn't tossed
about in water as if it was Noah's Ark! And
you ought to be ashamed of yourself to talk of
NOah's Ark in that loose manner. Pm sure |
don't know what Pve done to be married to a
man of such principles. No; and the whole
house doesn't taste of soapsuds either; and if it
did, any other man but yourself would be
above naming it. suppose don't like wash
i,,r1 dow hon sa1f hat do
you say Yes / do? Ha you're wrong there,
Mr.. Caudle. No; l don't like it because it
makes everybody else uncomfortable No;
and | ought not to have been born mermaid,
that | might always have been in the water.
A mermaid, indeed What next will you call
me2 But no man, Mr.. Caudle, says such
things to his wife as you. However, as Pve
said before, it can't last long, that's one COM
fort. What do you say? You're glad Of ii?
You're a brute, Mr.. Caudle No, you didn't
mean washing | know what you meant.
pretty speech to a woman who's been the wife
to you l have You'll repent when it's too
late; yes, | wouldn't have your feelings when
Pm gone, Caudle-nO. not for the Bank of
England
"And when we only wash once fortnight
Ha! ha | only wish you had some wives:
they'd wash once a week Besides, if once
fortnight's too much for you, why don't you
give me money that we may have things to go
month? Is it my fault, if we're short
What do you say ? My 'oace a tortaighf lasts
three days? No, it doesn't; never; well, very
! seldom, and that's the same thing. Can |
help it, if the blacks will fly, and the things
must be rinsed again! Don't say that: Pm
not'made happy by the blacks, and they don't
prolong my enjoyment and, more than that,
you're an unfeeling man to say so. You're
| enough to make q wOmad wish herself in her
grave-yOu are, Caudle.
"And a pretty example you set to your
sons Because we'd a little wash to-day, and
! there wasn't a hot dinner-and who thinks of
| getting anything hot for washerwomen p
because you hadn't everything as you always
j have it, you must swear at the cold mutton
| and you don't know what that mutton cost a
i pound, dare Say-yOu must swear at q sweet,
I wholesome joint like a lord. What! You
! didn't areer? Yes; it's very well for you to
| say 81; but / know when you're swearing;
/ and yOu year when you little think it, and
say you mast go on swearing as you did, and
seize your hat like a savage, and rush out of
the house and go and take your dinner at a
| tavern a pretty wife people must think you
have, when they find you dining at public
| house. nice home they must think you
have, Mr.. Candle What YouH do so
egay t'ae I raSh? Very well, Mr.. Caudle-
very well. Wen soon see who's tired of that;
first; for l'll wash a stocking a day if that's
ellli SNOAol IMAM JOll SllOulu nave everything
as you like. Ha that's so like you; you'd
trample everybody under foot, if you could
you know you would, Caudle, so don't
deny it.
'Now, if you begin to shout in that man
ner, I'll leave the bed. It's very hard that |
can't say single word to you, but you must
almost raise the place. You didn't shout? |
don't know what you call shouting, then
I'm sure the people must hesf you in the
next house. Not won't do to call me soft
names now, Caudle: Pm not the fool that |
was when was first married. know better
now. You're to treat me in the manner ven
have, all day; and then at night, the only time
and place when can get a word in, YOU want
! to go to sleep. How can you be SO mean,
/ Caudle
"What Why can't put the ,cashinq ont
Now, you have asked that a thousand times
but it's no use, Caudle so don't ask it again
won't put it out. What do YOU say2 Mrs
9 Prettgman says IT'S quite as cheap? Pray, what
a Mrs. Prettyman to mel should think, Mr.
Caudle, that ] know very we'll how to TAX
4 care of my family, without Mrs. Prettyman's
4. advice. Mrs. Prettyman, indeed / onl,
4 wish she'd come here that | might tell he
I so Mrs Prettymanl But perhaps she',
? better come and take care of your house 70