The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-10-09
Lament OF Rev. Mr.. F. Squirrel.


! IL tAAI y VA va - AsNNN 4N'A' -
necessary for the Rev. Mr.. Squirrel to
close the spiritual eyes and preach the
funeral sermon of Ichabod Beggs, VINO
had officiated as deacon OF "NIount
| Ziern" from his youth up. Whether
the report that Deacon Beggs' death
was superiuduced by the too copious
| imbibation of corn-essence, or what
other innocent accident, if any, might
have hurried him "to that barn, from
/ lUiich," &C., is certainly not now the
| business of this reporter to inquire.
| He has nothing TO consider but the
death and funeral of the good, pious
! deacon. The former Il. G., the DEATH
he presents as GU Jdit dccOmPli, or, to
| speak in legal parlance, JIulcthts IN
| oDicio, and the latter TO wit, the fu-
neral) as Penie'lte. But the
FUNERAL.
| And Annanias and Sophier they both
drapt down stone ded. Sich is my
rickerleXion NV the words in the Skrip-
| ter; tur lef my Bible ON Brother
Spinner's counter, and my remembry
hain't nun NV the heartest. Breathrin,
! cum here to preech Brother Beggses
/ funeral sarmant; fur he's ded, and we
all got to dy-the rich and the poor-ah
the larnt and the onlarnt- ah the hard
shells and the saftshells, and them as
hain't got no shells no more'n my sad
die stirups-ahI And Annauias and
Sophier both dropt down stone ded-ah
Yes [hawktshol, when your own dyin
akes phase you got to be right thar
whar it's gwine on, and see it dun-ah
You can't git no lief absence-ah!
When deth calls you, you got to
g'long, and thar amt no use NV putin
on brakes ur pullin' agin the bit-ah
You can't egskuse yurself by sayin'
NvnT1 va iaGf UnaFria1 "a traded
for "A track NV land, ur bought yoke
NV stears-ah! No, my sisters, when
that time Gums you've got to tuck up
yore close and wade into the river NV
deth like Brother Beggs has dun-ah
Brother Bsggs wus (hawk-sho) good
Christon man, and dide in the sarvise
NV the LOTd-lestwise, sich is my UT.
pinion; but that diddint hold his sper-
rit in this yeathly tabernickel-ah! And
yander seIs his poor widder weepin'
bekase he's gone, and 1 no how she
feels-ah! / no how it was wi ME and
my old dumurn when we only jest
thought we had lost our poor, deer,
creeter had strolleu of, and we
cuden't find him-ah; and we went
up TO nabor Browns, where he WAS
! in the habits NV plain long wi the lit
| tie uiggers and things, and we thought
| mabee we mout lind him thHr-ah, but
we diddent find him thar, and the rizen
we diddent wus bekaSe he warnt thar
| Hh land then we TUX down the tother
eeud NV the rode and sarChed FUR him
| round brother Spinner's orchard, whar
he sum times went pium-steelina ah
! But no, Inich warnt there-ah. And
| then we hunted in the field, what we
| call the wilderness field, whar he sot
! his traps and his tbings-ah, ANA from
! that we went TO the hOp-lOt, whHr he
| wuz III the habits NV plain long wi his
| mile, slicktaled poney colt give sew
| enteen dollars aud sevenly-hve cents
| fur the winter Hfore-ah: but no whar
| We diddent see no trHN nur trases NV
the poor litlle critter-ah. And us and
| our nnDors sarched and hunted all over
| the woods ontwel we me and the old
dumuTn we wus about 10 give up the
sarch and quit the drive-ah. We
thought our little daTlin lziclIu wus
ded-ah-destrOyed like JOziph by the
wild beasts of the foTest-nh. Oh, how
! bad we felt (cryingl at the thoughts of
that SEPARATION, fur what saith the
Skripter2 And AnnHuias aud SOphier
they both drapt stone ded-ah-thaL sip
GRAFTON that nuthin onthis yeath cud-
dent onsiperation-ah-l sich
wuZ my eroiuion-nh. We cride and
wep-ah, aud we aGernized III Sperrit-
ah. After Il while me and some on en-
happened to 20 down to little limesink
J
IZiCkn, with his feet wadded under him
like unto taller, when he's a.cuttin out
garment-ah, and thar all alone (cry-
ing furiously), wi no to look upun
him but ourn-HL, he sot-ah, a holdin in
his rite hand 81 mallet and n crackin
and eatin some roasted aigs he'd
got outer the pantry when his mann
my wRrut lOokiu-ah, and / bent
over him with all n daddy's love fur
his lost Benjanun-ah, and while the
briny tears wuZ Il Dozen outen both
my old iZe-ah, (Crying, slappiug
his hands and declaiming boisterous
siug-song) and l wuZ gazing down
upon the precius little seed NV my nat
rel body-ah, he turned his little face
and seed me-ah, and he opened his dAr-
lin little mouth, and he spoke and said
unto me, "What the - are you doin
here, ,old-ah-Snout-ah? ?" and I licked
him fur his supper. The Skripter seq
Annanias and Sophier the both drop
ped down sIone-ded-ah. uBruther, cut
close the sarvices by singing "The Ell
len-yard's n bustin," ur, "Hark frum
the tOoms doneful sound, mine years
a tender cry"-ah, ur sum of her erpro-
prit hymn. Exhausted by too great
luxury of high-pressure momentum,
the lugubrious "pussen' "drapped"
into his seat, having pinted his last
"Hh" with a heavy puff from his opened
wind-valye, which can only be imper-
fectly approximated by any comblna-
ton of letters, but which sounded some
what like hWheuuun,n with very
slight mixtry of whistle. l-.-i..Hf