The Daily empire. (Dayton, Ohio) 1865-1867, 1867-04-24
The DAILY EMPIRE.
Mourning Over the Corpse.

~ A11H
The RAIDS. have a State Executive Com
mittee. II has Its headquarters in this city,
and whenever a particularly unpleasant
piece of news Is heard they send out over
all the country round about and gather
together the faithful, who come up to the
help of Rush" against the mighty.
Tuesday they We're wanted. The Chair
man, Benlaman Rush Cowen, Adiutant
General, and would-be Governor of Ohio,
sent for them.
And they came.
Cowles came from Cleveland, and Locke,
or Nasty Nasty, from Toledo, and a. G.
Sands from Cincinnati, and Coates Kinney
from Xenia, and Sam. Galloway, the low
comedian of the Republican party, and
Brevet Brigadier General James NJ. Comfy,
the editor Of the high and low two cylin-
der, quarto form, metropolitan Journal,
were there, and many others of equal abil-
ity and style.
And they met in m%ournful procession.
with faces as long and expressionless as
jackasses, for there was woe in the house
of the faithful.
RConnecticut had gone for the Copper
heads. Selah!
And Cleveland. Selahl
And Marysvillc, and GAINESVILLE, and FIRE.
mont, and Chillicothe, and Piqua, and New
ark, and Sandusky City. Selahl
And they did shake hands as they met,
one with another, much after the manner
of a lazy boy on a summer morning at a
hard-moving pump handle.
And with one accord they did shake their
heads slowly, now to the right, Their to the
left, and did sigh and join in singing
Harkl from the East a doleful sound,
Mine ears attend the cry;
Black loving RAIDS, come view the ground
Where you must shortly lie.
Comfy tsolo)-But the Union gain was bO6i
Hark from the Nutmeg State n wall,
Another from our Own;
The fTisky mermaid flaps her tail,
And Balnum gives a groRn.
Comfy (solo)-But the Union gain was 60Oi
In Zanesville and in Cleveland, too,
The Buttcrnuts arise;
We're ruined quite-what can we do
But wipe our weeping eyesl
Comfy (solO)-But the Union gain was 50Bi
AS the Chairman lined out the above
hymn, which was sung to the air of"China,"
the scene was very impressive.
Brother Locke, author of the Petroleum
V. Nasty letters, was called upon to ad-
dress the brethren but he excused himself
on account of weakness. ~ am so weak,
my friends" he said, ''that l have not even
strength enough to order two drinks at a
time. The situation is appalling. Though
the people have wadedthrough acres of my
bad spelling and worse wit, they are refu-
sing to vote for u.s."
DO you mean that % asked the man
whose official Sands have run out, with an
exclamation point in each eye.
"Yea, verify | never was meaner in my
life" mournfully responded Locke.
Balm of a Thousand Flowers the Union
gain in Columbus was 506," put in the Brig
adler.
go to; you're an ass" replied the man
who (s)Cowles through the column of the
(IergIrD1 Lender.
THAT Is n well known and well estab-
lished fact" replied the Brigadier; ''but
did you make a Union gain of SOC in your
city? p
The Chairman rushed to his feet. "Gen-
tlemen," he said, Though l be a Cowan, l
am no coward. Iserved my country brave
ly l fit for the flag in the sacred walls of
the Adjutant Generals Office for four years,
and ] would like to fight for it again-in
the Governors office. If soldiers are not to
have the offices, who are? Am not l a SOL
dier? Am not 1 a Brigadier? Have | not
manfully grasped the pen during the long
rebellion, because "the pen is mightier
than the swOrd?" Have | not proclaimed
the Democratic party dead? Yet 10, being
dead, it klcketh up a wonderful smell, and
its ghost is carrying everything before it.
Its mad career must be stopped, or woe to
us; we shall no longer inhabit these pleas
ant places. If this thing continues it's not
Il G yIrlai. but a Judge will inhabit these
wan, aud he soft things we have known
shall know US no more" and he smole a
smile OF grief and apprehension as he sat
down.
Instantly Comfy stroked his beard and
said, but the Union gain was 506."
Then Coates Kinney rose and said, 1--WE
must have a convention For, be it known,
a convention is Coates best grip. ave must
have a convention, and our colored brethren
must sit with us in that convention and
that we may become used TO the perfume
of our newly discovered heroes, let's have
it in the balmy month of June, that our
colOred friends may mingle their perspira-
ton with ours, and then, in the language
of that slavG-driver, John Randolph, we
can stink and shine and shine and stink
like rotten mackerel by moonlight"
Comfy again popped up like a cork from
a soda bottle and inquired, "Who's John
Randolph? Did he know the Union gain
was 506?"
SO it was resolved to hold a Convention,
and to admit such negro delegates as had
so far lost their self-respect as to sit with
them, and they again m%ournfully shook
their hands and sorrowfully wagged their
heads end departed, each man TO his own
home. And as we passed him, Comfy had
a policeman by the button-hole, and was
informing him that the Union gain was
$685." They met in sorrow and departed in