Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1867-11-30
Mark Twain's Last.

Twain in the New York Tribune. Ii
the six months absence of the "Quakel
City" it visited the shores of Europe
Asia and Africa. 1t landed its passen
gers at the Azores, at Paris, Cadiz, Lis
bon, Targier, and Naples; called at Ath
ems and Constantinople, at Smyrna and
Cyprus; and ended up with grand pill
grimage through the Holy Land. One
might naturally suppose that on such an
excursion, with four score passengers, all
of whom laid claim to culture and educa
ton, there could have been no lack Of
amusement. The vessel was provided
with every facility for enjoyment, vet, il
we take the word of the Iri61o,e's CORES
pondent, there was a very limited draft
made upon those facilities. 1t is possible
that Mark expected too much, or, at least,
something of n different kind. In that
case we cannot wonder at his disappoint-
ment. We let him speak for himself:
The pleasure ship was synagogue,
and the pleasure trip was a funeral excur-
sion without a corpse. There is nothing
exhilarating about funeral excursion
without corpse. A free, hearty laugh
was sound that was not heard oftener
than once in seven days about those
decks or in those cabins; and when it
was heard it met with precious little
sympathy. The excursionists danced, on
three separate evenings, long, long ago ut
seems an age,) quadrilles, Of single set,
made up of three ladies and five gentle
men (the latter with handkerchiefs around
their arms to signify their sex) who timed
their feet to the solemn wheeling of a
melodeon but even the melancholy
orgie was voted to be sinful and dancing
was discontinued.
The pilgrims played dcminoes when
too much of Josephus or Robinson's Holy
Land Researches, or book writing, made
recreation necessary-for dominoes is
about as mild and snless game as any
in the world perhaps, excepting always
the inelfably insipid diversion they call
playing at croquet, which is game
where you don't pocket any balls and
don't carom on anything of any conse-
quence, and when you are done nobody
has to pay, and there are no cigars or
drinks to saw off and, consequently, there
isn't any satisfaction whatever about it
they played dominocs till they were rest
ed, and they blackguarded each other
privately till prayer time. When they
were not seasick they were uncommonly
prompt when the dinner gong sounded.
Such was our daily life on board the ship
-solemnity, decorum, dinner, dOminoes,
PRAYERS, SANDER 1t was not lively
enough for pleasure trip; but if we had
only had corpse it would have made
gorgeous funeral excursion. 1t is all
over now but when | look back, the
idea of these venerable fossils skipping
forth on six months picnic, seems ex-
quisitely ludicrous. The advertised title
of the expedition-"The Grand Holy
Land Pleasure Excursion-w ghastly
mlsnomer. ''The Grand Holy Land Fun
eral Procession would have been better
much better.
AS advertised, the plymouth Collec-
tion of Hymns" was used on board. 1t
was frequently used. We had a prayer
meeting every night On this part Of
the subject l wish to touch very lightly.
could not quarrel-no one could quar-
rel-with the prayer meetings. We are
all taught to respect these things. |
merely mention them as being a unique
feature in pleasure excursions, and worthy
of imitation in future picnics. There
were those in the ships company who at
tributed the fact that we had a steady
siege of storms and head winds for five
mortal months solely to the prayer meet
ings. But l was not of that faction.-
There were those who were abandoned
enough to believe that some time or
other particularly aggravating and
long-drawn prayer meeting would bring
down storm that would sink the ship.
| was not of that party either. | said all
along that we hadn't prayer meetings
enough; we ought to have them before
breakfast, and between meals, and every
now and then, and pretty much all the
time. Those were my sentiments l do
not pray but those were certainly my
sentiments. The argument that they
prayed the same old prayers over again
every night was nothing to me. L knew
that if they only performed ottener and
held out long enough, they were bound
to start something fresh after while
There is nothing thaC gives startiihS
variety to picnic like prayer meetings.
Especially when the plymouth Collec-
tom is used, because as general thing
the tuEes are shade too complicated for
the excnrsionists, and so, when they are
properly tangled, they are exceedingly
lively"
BATs.-These little creatures, so gen
orally regarded with aversion, are entire
ly inoffensive to man, and highly useful,
as they subsist entirely on insects and re-
quire large amount OF food lney en-
and mosquitoes. Their young are born
two at a time, and cling 90 the mother
during her flights until old enough to fly
on there own account. They have small,
clear, beard-like eyes, and see tolerably
well, so that ''blind as a bat" is not so
blind as some suppose but their senses of