The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1867-02-28
Proclamation Extraordinary.
The FOOl.Kiiler Abroad.
FEBRUARY 81, 1867.

To Uhom it may Concern:
WHEREAS, 1t has long been admitted
by wise and discerning men, that ther'
is necessity to kill a great number o
fools every seven years, to the end thai
the life of the nation may be saved
and WHEREAS, this work Of salvation
was unwisely omitted at the last sep
tenniad in 1860, in consequence o
which omission the Republican party
obtained power to whelm the Who'll.
country in the dolor of bloodshed and
bankruptcy; and WHEREAS, because tht
fools were spared, in the year aforesaid
they (being q prolific race) have multi
piled beyond precedent, until they have
become countless as were the mice
which carried off the wheat in the
Welch fable! This is therefore to
give notice to whom il may concern
that will begin the killing with the
date thereof, and continue the work
from day to day thereafter until the
sacred duty is fully performed. The
following prescribed persons and classes
will please procure ascension robes, as
will surely kill them within n short
time, and in the order indicated:
l. The Doddridge county hotytote OF
the E. Campus Wits, who would have
been killed seven years ago If l had
been around. Knowing "what he is by
natur," and foreseeing "what he must
become by practice" propose to relieve
the public of an emphatic nuisance and
drivelling old donkey. He will please
issue invitation tickets to the turkey
buzzards, as the carcass will certainly
he prepared for their entertainment.
9. Military Commission Harris, who
has already been consigned to living
Judgment for his follies and iniquities.
He has received partial retribntion
for his course by having his charcter
photographed in his face. AS conse-
ouence he is the abonination of uglness,
a disgusting libel upon humanity, and q
perpetual terror to young children.
For his presumption in appearing in
public, and in order to protect the little
innocents, / must compel him to "pass
in his chips" ,..
3. The third victim Of stern and un-
pitying justice will be AsmOdeus.l. Bore
man, of Executive mansion infamy.
He is fool enough to think that / will
spare enough of his kind to elect him
to the u. S. Senate next winter; also,
that because man deserves to be hung
for his rascality he cannot be killed for
his folly. / will convince him OF the fall
lacy of both propositions. have not
decided what use to make OF his car
cass, but as he is pretty thoroughly rot
ted, l think | shall use him as fer
tilizer.
4. The next object of unrelenting ven
Geance will be the "immortal j. N" No.
8, of FairmOnt celebrity. No man who
advocates negro suffrage, insults every
decent woman with whom he may be
alone, peddles cheap principles to rail
road companies, and wears his hair be-
hind his ears as sign of early piety,
can exist in my bailiwick. Out of re.
,pect to the public nostrils, / shall Kill
him in the country.
). FarnswOrth, Furguson, Mann, Pin
nell, Wheat and Young, of the Legisla-
ture will be killed filthy, unless meet
them sooner, in which case l will not
hesitate to kill them ont of their proper
order. Some of these come more prop
erly within the sphere of the thief
killer, but as he is compelled attend the
sessions of Congress, / have agreed,
when our claims conflict, to perform his
duties as well as my own.
This much as to individuals, to whom
notice is hereby given, in order that
they may have the robes aforesaid, to-
rether with good substantial black
walnut coffin prepared for each, and IN
readiness for the "change."
CLASSES.
Those who may be cOmprehended in
classes, and whom will certainly kill,
are indicated below:
l. UNMIrIGATED FooLs.-All who be-
lieve that patriot of the anteeedents
of Andrew johnson, together with Su-
preme Court, composed with one ex-
ception) of men picked for their learn
ing and purity of character, and who,
by the tenure of their appointment are
aloof from temptations to be sycophants
to the President, or demagogues to the
people; all, say, who believe that these
men, sustained by every lawyer of note
in the whole country, are ignorant OF
their duty, or unfaithful in its perform
ance; and that boisterOus, frantic,
frothy, scummy mob of country attor-
neys, revival preachers, shoddy swind-
lers, ''oily gammons" and "bores," call
ed a Rump Congress. compose the Wis
dom and "loyalty" of the land-all
these (being of the unmitigated class of
fools) / will kill without any mitigation
of the pains of death, either by chloro-
form. or other allcviating appliances.
9. Poor FOOLs.-Under this class
comprehend all who believe that the
country is better off by the war; that
liberty is more firmly assured; that the
nation is more powerful or more honor
ed in consequence of the great massacre.
In a word, all who do not know that
Radical rnle is usurpation and o
tyranny; that the nation is bnrdened
with a debt il cannot pay; that the peo-
ple are impoverished; and that no ma
tion ever before fell from the height OF
greatness, happiness and renown, TO
the depths Of woand humiliation, IN
the same space of time, or in hundred
times the number of years, as ours has
done, since the fatal 4th of March, 1861.
3. DANpHooIs.-This is compre-
hensive designation, and such Is the
facility of it's construction, that 1t may
be made to embrace all Others whom 1t
is my duty to kill. >.
At any rate, if all to whom it applies
be slain, as they certainly shall be, it
will be necessary to hold Immediately a
new election for State officers, i'll West
Virginia, and also totselect an entirely
new class of men to represent the Radi-
cal party in the next Legislature.
| look forward with high anticipation
to the completion Of my task; II 1
maie'the progress that, / should, West
Virginia will be s'regenerated, Olsen
thralied, redeemed" and If other States
shall follow her example and extirpate
the unmitigated fools, tire poor fools,
and the damphools, Democracy will
reign throughout the country, forever
and ever. Amen.
| THE Fool KILLER.
Last week Surratt was visited in
Jail by his sister Anna, who was accom-
panied by Mr.. J. H. Bradley, Jr., one Of
his counsel. The guards thinking il
better to prepare the prisoner for the
I visit one of them informed him thai