The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1867-12-23
The Hog Nuisance.

ing from three days trip to Mt. Carroll,
whittier had been invite to assist at the or
ganization of a horticultural Society exclu-
sively for Northern Illinois, (iust as that
very useful institution, the Southern Fruit
growers Association, is exclusively confined
to Southern Illinois, and also to deliver a
lecture upon my friends, the little SIX-LEGGED
BUGS, to the assembled Horticultural wisdom
of this section of country. On taking up your
paper of Wednesday Dec. 18th | find that
BIG Two-LEGGED BUG has, during my alb
sence been flying round my premises and
making himself generally very offensive and
disagreeable to the good citizens ofthe Low
err Ward. / therefore as in duty bound,
proceed TO catch this Big Bug, and having
first stuck long pin through him, to pre-
vent him from escaping and annoying the
good folks at the Lower ED of town, any
further, / take this opportunity to deliver a
Lecture upon the habits, and Natural Histo
ry of the animal.
Ladies and gentlemen, this species Is clas-
SIZED by the most learned Etomologists as Big
| buggns hnmbaggus. His chief peculiarly is,
that he keeps all the time buzzing and squirm-
ing and wriggling, but that, just like the
Drones in a Hive of Honey-bees, he never
does anything for his Living. AS with al
most all Office holders, the great aim of his
existence is, Glow NOT to do it." After the
lecture is concluded, ladies and gentlemen,
such of you as have bad colds or whose nos
es are not offended by foul odor, can, if you
please, stay and see me prepare the Crea-
ture for my chronological Cabinet. Small
bugs are always put away in the cabinet
without any further preparation than simply
drying them; but these large Bugs, and
H. l.
abdomens, we usually find it necessary to
embalm. In performing this very nasty and
disagreeable proeess-to which nothing but
the imperative calls of Science could recon
Gle us-we find it essential to take out all
the insides of the creature, and fill up the
ter being prc Ptap a Sse d dhs tss &c
served without spelling for a thousand years;
but TO stife the offensive smell which still
keeps perpetually rising from the dried body.
We always keep large lump Of Camphor in
the glazed Drawer in which the specimen is
placed.
Ladies and gentlemen, observe how this
offensive BigLuggus humbuggus is now, I'M
der your very eyes, wriggling and squirming
on the pin on which he is impaled. Let US
catalogue scientifically his squirms; and let
me explain to you the very peculiar habits of
tllS curious creature.
SeBIRM LIST. He pretends that l complain
only of a single pig, on one particular occa
sion, squeezing under my garden gate, and
making an irruption on my wifes flower
garden. distinctly stated that not only
myself but all the citizens of the Lower
Ward, were and have been, for time imme-
morial annoyed by pigs, shoats and hogs
straving at large there, contrary to the City
I'D, tbaf 70 a1 ~ chs
Big Bug for enforcing the City Ordinances !;
and that, instead of doing so, be allows those
Ordinances to become to a very great extent
dead letter. At this present moment and
any time for the last six weeks, there has
been q gang of shoats constantly round my
premises, breaking my picket-fences in all
directions, and walking up to the BACHELORS
of my tenants in the most free-and easy
manner. / am not the only one who has
conn planned to this Big Hum hug of the Hog
nuisance Plenty more have done so; but
he always squrms out OF it with one of his
beautiful wriggles. A neighbor has Just in
formed me that he has repeatedly complain
ed to this Hum-b of the Hogs and their
operations; that these hateful grunters have
broken into his garden through the picket
fence, and completely rooted up and destroy
ed whole bed of valuable strawberries, be-
sides other damage, and besides the nu
isance of never being able to leave a door
open for one moment. Yet he can get no sat
isfaction from this useless Bug-to feed
whom he has to put his hand into his pock
ct every year-nothing but Squirlns and ex-
cuses and promises only made to be broken.
Squirm End, He asserts that there is no
City Pound to put the captured porkers in.
Yet in the same breath he allows that he,
Il 49, nf
Committee of Two to build such a pound,
for which the City had purchased
piece of ground. The peculiar
suuirm here is, that the piece
of ground was under water. Does not every
a pen to hold hogs must necessarily have a
board floor, or the hogs will alwaysr root out I'M
der the wall? How much extra would have
cost to build the hog pound upo" posts, above
the level of the water? And would not all
the filth of these impure animals
have then descended blandly through
the cracks of the boarded floor into
the waters of the slough at the "Flat-iron?"
and been gently waited down by the current
into that universal receptacle for the impuri |
ties of the city and that universal gravel pit |
for all the other wards-the poor, unfortu. |
nate, neglected and despised First Ward?- |
But the great Humbug did not want |
the pen built His object was How |
not to do it." He wanted to catch |
the votes of parcel of miserable oafers, who |
are too lazy to work to buy corn to feed their
half-starved porkers and so turn
hem loose to prey upon their neighbors,
and do hundred dollars worth of damage |
for every peck of corn that is saved. Con-
Bigbuggus squirms and wriggles
out of the city hog-pound through the Uater.
SoUIRM 3rd. This corpulent Humbug, la
dies and gentlemen, as you will observe,
coolly remarks that, by permission of the
My Council, he has been making all he
easSeut of the hog business" don't doubt
~ Paddy, you vote for me next election,
am. ana will let your hogs run the Streets"
10. lou scratch my back, and | will
Tickle yoff elbow" "You Mike, darn
you, you ai'Ays vote wrong every election.
l 1ook up yorshogs yesterday and sold them
and put the money in my private pocket
Now you go wiistle, Mike, and get your
redress re-, out OF the NY council, if you cam
I'll prove to the I'D Bug-catcbern mighty
quick, that "a good many hogs have baar
driven up from the First Ward and ;,nnonnd.
ed and sold.'
SouIRM 4th. He says he has "often baen in
the First Ward" / am sure never sov
him there, except when he was snac;aIlv
paid for going there. The place 70, end this
n Il - i