Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1867-05-30
wit and Humor.

II SHVtAooe'
- The man is not always a thief who
steals march.
| Why is kissing like a victory. It's
easy to grant (GranD.
Why is life the riddle of all riddles ?
Because we must give it up.
Why is the hedgehog of vegetable
origin ? Because he is the offspring of a
prickly pair (pear).
Some minds are like rivers they
need an embankment to make them keep
the channel, and render the stream nav
igable.
Hood speaks of bird building its
nest on the ledge over the door of a doc
tors office as an attempt to rear its young
in the very jaws of death
"A vagabond poet says ''The easiest
way TO get living is to sit on gate and
wait for good luck. In case good luck
don't come you are no worse off than you
were before"
"A man has applied for a divorce
from his wife on the ground of extreme
cruelty. She has "walloped" him regu-
larly for nineteen years, until, having the
spirit of a man, he won't stand it any
longer.
Gam l not a little pale ?" inquired a
lady, who was short and corpulent, of a
crusty old bachelor "You look more
like big tub" was the blunt reply.
-Quilp thinks it rather remarkable
that while several thousand feet are re-
quired to make one rood, a single foot
properly applied is often sufficient to
make one civil.
"A swarm of locusts has again settled
over the island of Sardinia, so that this
years crops will probably be destroyed
as were those of last year
Cairo, Illinois, is overrun with house
breakers. They are of the boldest and
most daring class, and the papers recon-
mend vigilance committee.
An Irishman applying for a license to
sell spirits, being questioned as to his
moral character and fitness for the trust,
replied "Och, an its there ye are sure
an It's not much of a character man
nades to sell wbiskyw
Babies resemble wheat in many res
poets. FlrstIy-neither good for much
till they arrive at maturity secondly both
are bred in the house, and also the flower
of the family thirdIy-both have to be
Graded; fourthly-both are generally
we'll thrashed before they are done with.
Why Is Bngen, in Germany, like a
pigs bristles ? 1t is on the Rhine.
-"Can you tell me how old the devil
IS 2" asked an irrevelant fellow of cIer
gyman. "My friend, you must keep your
own family record" was the reply.
"A country paper says that the Leg
lslatnre of Wisconsin " adjourned non
comp08." This is about as bad as the
statement made by the chairman of a
meeting held in Chapman Hall in Toledo
about sixteen years ago, declaring a GER
tain resolution ''passed Grim. CON-"
Here is the testimony of one of the
police officers at the trial of the Bowdon-
ham (Maine) bank robbers olive in
Bowdolnham; was at the depot between
10 and IL o'clock on the night of the rob
berry saw man about the depot fol.
lowed him and put my hand on his shout
der, and told him | had got him he
grabbed me by the throat, but es-
| capped :"
ToUGH STORIES. - correspondent
sends us the following tough stories
civilian B Of Gambia, before the
days of railroads, teamed to Boston. If
we may credit bis story, he drew some
heavy loads. One time in particular his
load was well behind, and in going over
Charles river bridge the hind wheels cut
off every plank as he drove along. He
often spoke Of his travels in Vermont, and
one time he came to place where men
were shooting up a very steep hill. On
inquiring what they found to fire at, he
was told that they were shooting in rye,
as that was the way they had to do on
their side hills too steep to pillow.
AS an illustration of the great speed of
the trains on the P. g. c. road, running
near his place, he had dog that had the
bad trick of barking at anything passing,
At first he ran out to bark at the passing
trains, but before he could get out single
bow-wow the cars would be out of sight.
And afterwards, whenever he made the
attempt, he generally went back into the
house with his tail between his legs, and
soon gave it up.
All the foregoing may be reliable, but
his story of killing bear in snow drift
when he was out hoeing corn shows that
they must have had big drifts or a very
early kind of corn"
SPEAKING Our IN KIRK.-A minister.