Weekly New Oregon plain dealer. (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1866-1867, 1867-05-03
MISCELLANEOUS.

W lille the Woman $ Rights Con-
vention was in session at Albany, a
horse car was crowded. There en-
tered o severe looking female. An
old gent rose to give her seat,
Be you one Of those woman-right-
ers?" he asked. Il be- replied
the ancient. You believe a wom-
an should have all the rights of a
man do you:' he inquired. Yes l
do was the emphatic answer
Them said the man "stand up and
enjoy them like man. and she had
to stand up.
MoNEY.-Men work for it, fight
for it, beg for it. steal for it, and die
for it, and all the while, from the
cradle to the grave nature and God
are laundering in our ears, the SOL
emn question-'what shall it profit
man if he gain the whole world and
lose his own soul
What is the difference between a
spendthrift and a feather bed! One
is hard up and the other is soft down.
''Look here boy" said a nervous
gentleman to an urchin who was
munching sugar candy at lecture,
"you are annoying me very much. "
No, | amt neither, said the urchin,
Il m gnawing this ere candy"
Sour mothers; Industrious tend
ers, though they often misplace the
switch,' was a toast given at a
recent railway dinner.
Ladies, let your hair, teeth and
complexion be false, if necessary,
but let not your hoods be false:
falsehoods are inexcusable.
At printers festival lately the
following toast was offered: Woman
second only to the press in the
dissemination of news
A gentleman who recently trav-
eled over a Western railroad, de-
clared that it is the safest road in
the country, as the superintendent
keeps boy running ahead Of the
train to drive off the cows and sheen.
\ dog lying on the hearth-rug
with his nose to his tail is an en-
blcm Of economy. He makes both
ends meet.
What is better than a promising
young man: \ paying one.
QUANTITY AND QuALITY.-A
marquis said to a financier-''I would
have YOU to know that I am a man
Of quality" And l, - replied the
fnancicr, ''am a man Of quantity.'
Filters are like tattlers- reveal
many things that ought to be kept
secret.
ORIGIN OF TALK.-The ancicnts
tell us, that during the sojournment
in Paradise, heaven sent down twelve
baskets Of talk; and when Adam was
eating three of them, Eve snatched
up the other nine.
Knowing FRENcH.-"Tom do
you know French?' Yes, very we'll
by sight, but have no speaking &C
qualntance with it,
CoNsIDERATE.-A Irishman re-
ceived challenge to fight a duel,
but declined. On being asked the
reason-''Och, said Mike, would
you have me leave his mother an
orphan.'
A garrulous barber happening to
be called tie shave Secretary Seward,
asked him, "How shall | shave you
sir!' I'm silence, was the reply
A doctor up town recently gave
the following prescription for lady:
"A new bonnet, a cashmere shawl,
and new pair of CATER boots. -
The lady, it is needless to say, has
entirely recovered.
UNLUcKY NUMBERS DR.. Francis
was once at dinner when thirteen
, people were present, which some
body gravely said was an unlucky
number. 81 admit said he, "that
.. it is unlucky in one case?' "What
case is that" when there is only
dinner enous for twelve
The proposed London Aqueduct
: to bring water from the Westmorlanc
, Lakes, as estimeted, will be 1875
t miles long, deliver So, 900, 600 gal
Ions a day, and cost over So,
: 900.
! A SNoB's CoNuNDRuM.-Why i
y a hair cutter like sheep? Becaus
he is a bah-bah (barber).
: THE LAP OF LUxURY.-A cat en-
s joying her milk.
u A MAIDEN SPEEcu.--Ask papa
l. HELMBoLD's FLUID EXTRACT BUCHU
s. pleasant in taste and odor, free from all il
|, furious properties, and immediate in il
action