Brownlow's Knoxville Whig. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1866-1869, 1867-04-10


that fscetious and original remark, Quaker meet
ing, young lady fixes her eyes on q susceptible
young man, and says, Adolphus, can you tell for
tunes ? In twitter Of excitement he replies NO,
4 Zuleikai can your She answers a little and
draws up to the table. She knows of rival to
whom Adolphus pays occasional visits. In dex-
frous tun Of the cards she make him in love with
her brunette rival The cards describe her person
accurately, and disclose some things new to Adolf
plus The rival has catarrh in her nose and has
false teeth she wears plumpers in her mouth, and
her heart is guarded by the same defenses as those
behind which Gen. Jackson so successfully repulsed
the assaults Of Packenbam at New Orleans Thus
The cards tell Of one who loves Adophas; and she
cards describe Zuleka. The fsfes leave to Adolphus
the privilege of choice between the two rivals IF
he marries the dissected, he is to have storms in
the morning and hurricanes at night, and die poor
and childless. If he marres The fortune-teller he
will be wershpped by her through life, he will ac-
emulate riches, and have nine children, THAT is the
magic number that all men aspire to- who will
i've TO bless his old age The trick of fortunes is
good thing if well followed up. Gamblers run
horses astronomers make almsnacs politicians pre-
dict elections and girls tell fortunes. Which is the
most uncertain?
have enumerated some of the accomplish
ments Of girls who are expected 10 move in good
society. Thar education teaches them deceit, Sc
ductiyenesG and vanity. The idea of their being a
help-meet is long discarded by society. This idea
must be generated by higher civilization than we
now enjoy. Women are, as a class, burdens on So
ciety. Their lives are devoted not to high purposes
or useful plrsuits but to creating comeliness Of
person in themselves which will entice men of in
fammatory feelings from the freedom of single-bles-
se6ness. We are amazed at the harems of the East
We do not reflect that there msy be hsrems with
only one woman in them. When Artemus Ward
in Utah, one of the elders died. and all his wives
Aocked around the wax-worl1s man, beseeching him
to marry them. He replied that they were pretty
enough, and individually he would not object to
marrying any of them, but that il was the muchness
of the thing. he objected TO. That is the difference
between our system and that of the East. What
baser prostitution than for woman TO marry man
for his MONEY when she had as lief take toad in
her bosom as to enfold her arms about him We
talk about the heathenism Of Oriental girls who
dance lasciviousy in the presence of the to in
fame their llists; but if the Asiatics should peep
over at their civilized antpodes they would see in
the fond embrace and laseivious round dances
much TO SHOCK their ideas of propriety.
/" have frequently attended balls and sat in OBJ
scure corners and indulged in philosophy but phi
losophy is trite and is little needed What specta-
Gle more huniating than to see young ladies sit
ting like "the four and twenty taors, all in row.
aeshsd in costly Jewels and rich laces eager as so
many roaring lions seeking whom they may destroy7
Their dressing makes them caricatures on humani-
ty. Fashion What folly and misery does not that
word invoke Paris leads the fashion in dress and
Eugennie leads the fashion in Paris. She is pasSe
therefore snail all Christendom wear large hoops
she has bald place on the crown of her head there
fore shall all shave tonsures on their heads. In the
time of the elder Ronaparte there great lack of
population owing TO the wars and all the energies
of society were devoted to supplying the deficiency.
1t was the fashion for women to appear matronly,
so they stuffed their waists to attain fashionable
proportions and look as interesting as possible
Now the women have propensity for being squeez-
ed in that loctlity-hence small waists What if our
grandmothers eeud walk out from their pictures on
the walls and appear in fashionable circles would
not all the young ladies smoker and say, Grand
mother, what makes your waist so big ? grand
mother, what makes your hair SO prime? grand
mother, what makes your back so straight 2 But
would not the old ladies be surprised in turn at the
dress of their reat-grand-daughters7 When they
saw the long trails, the fitting hoops the embrod
cred peticoat the laced waist the cotton busts the
red topped boots, the saw-dust legs, the rats and
mice and braids and crimps the Jet chains and friz
zles; but above all, when the old ladies saw the
wonderful waterfalls of our girls they would go
back into their pictures and giggle forever.
" / have briefly alluded to the position and aspi-
ratIons of women who are above want The BRAIN |
less creatures who desire elevate themselves above
the rank of mortals and make themselves thelaugh
ing stock of devils. It is this class of wel-bred
fools who do not wish to take upon themselves the
burden Of thinking Their first business is to catch
husbands or If they have succeede their lives are
devoted TO playing the part namby-pambes. The /
mind demands some excitement, and for want Of
something to entertain themselves, women fly TO /
dissipation. Some put in their time reading novels
Others CAD around among their neighbors, and the
majority, like Mrs. Toodles, go to auction. These
little endearing freaks all we'll in handsome /
young lady, but when she gets old and her teeth |
rotten, and her skin tanned with dropscal affections,
her breath fetid, and her body unsymmetricsl such
nonsense becomes intolersble The subordinate po-
stion occupied by old women is not matter of
prise to me when / consider how they are reared.
1--WE laugh at women coneealing their ages. How
herocay they struggle to retain the only of
powe. left to them A woman looks into the glass
as she is wont to do TO smile at her loneliness
and oi she the faint lines of crows foot about
her eyes. She turns PALE A scklish feeling comes
over her. She throws herself on her bed and weeps
She has played the fairy all her life, and has indug
ed in the widest caprices of her bountful power.
Men have been her willing slaves; but her magic
wand is broken. Let not the world know that she
has crows feet around her eyes her power gone
forever. Heneeforth when she smiles it is grin of
the lips; horrid corpse laugh, which maintains
the eyes in q deadly plseidity. Gray hairs n
mans head are only the spring flowers of green
old age, but on womans head they are the waits
Of desert island towards which she is irresistbly
drifting; an island bleak and barren and lonely
The rounded form, the blooming cheek, the pearly
teeth, the laughing eyes, where are they?
"Gone gimm'ring through the dreams Of things that
were"
"Not for her the social converse, not for her the
power of intellect not for her the teachings of phi
oSOpnyj ene is q Oesnroneu quSehj VINO must toF-
aver weep in the darkness of 3 mental dungeon for
he kingdom she has lost. Her royal scepter has
been shivered and its fragments thrown into the
yreat reservoir of chaos where all things destruet-
Die go. When the beauty of one of those dolls has
aded she leads foreyernore an isolated and joyess
ife.
"0ld old, chilly and cold,
With the icy frost and gathering mold
On the heary head and the weary heart
So lonely and sad would fain depart
ol.1 -
IT'S weary, dreary thing to be old.
Old, old, wrinkled and gray,
lettering along on the time worn way
Marked by the graves Of the loved that are fed,
Strewn with The hopes that withered and dead.
Old, old, wrinked and gray,
Lonely and desoate passing away
Our Puritan ancestors did practical charity to
heir grandma theirs whun they hung them as
witches.
"Many a woman of genius whose heart beat high
with ambition, has exclaimed in agony of her sla-
very, Oh, that were man Many an old maid
whose hopes in life were bghted because she could
not catch man, has sat by her WINDOW at night
md looked out into the black vault of heaven at the
tars twinkling in the distance, and loEged to fly
away to another world, where she might be some
1ody What is more mournfu, than the plant Of
he old maids
Foursoore and four Of as,
Poor cid maids
Not penny in our purse
Poor cid maids
Dressed in yellow, pink and blue,
Poor old maids.
Nursing cats is all We do,
Poor old maids 70
They meet nothing but frowns from the world,
md they take these feline little creatures 10 their
oosoms"
Mr. Ncells speech. nils twelve columns OF the
Congressional Globe and is one Of the most exhaus-
i've Of the session. The lsdies OF Missouri should
vote him q wresth Of talips.
Tennessee Dlsh0n0red.
The New Orleans Crescent has the following
pnrhans The most disgusting spectacle of