Delaware gazette. [volume] (Delaware, Ohio) 1855-1886, 1867-03-29


was uRealled for, and that il was un
natural for any husband to agree 8
uniformly with his wife. So I sprany
a trap for him BY asking him his Opin
ion on one particular point upon Whicl
/ [ had touched In my discourse.
/ guilty blush overspFead his bypocrit
/ leaI face as he BtammeTed out, 'I an
afraid, Pamela, didn't quite catel
what you have been saying" NY re
! ply was womanly and wifely, and {,
7 this effect : that next time he a0ouEC
/ catch II
Ifyou knew what a trial Penfeathel
! is to me In the marketing line He vii
insist upon going himself, and such /
/ mess as he makes of it, If the butch.
er pleads with him to buy the whole oi
a very superior sheep, he does It rath.
( er than spend time to tell him that
/ our family is small and hate mutton
Then the butcher, with professional
! keenness, 7. perceIvIn0 Penfeather' e
tatOes and apples upon him, and per
suaaes him to buy Cabbages, which
had rather 20 without till I die, than
smell while cooking. Then he pays
for high-prieed butter, and they send
I 4
him about it. he tosses his arms wildly
above his head, and begs me TO eat it,
for the love I bear him, and for the
sake of his Indian Chronicle article
the last agonizing sentence of which
he Is in pain with, and knows not She
hour Of delIyerance. Then. when,
with sweetness of disposition un-
paTalleled ia the annals Of Wifedon, I
-, - %.
livIousness Of my magnanimitY, will
ask me, before some visitor, at the
next meal, if / call that good butter
And when ] kick his stupid literary
leg under the table, aa / try to con-
verse with increased animation, he
says, Dear, Why did you kick my
foot n OF course / sWeetly but fatty
deny that did anything of the sort.
Whenever we talk to each other, we
always preface our remarks by saying.
Now, Pamela, or, Now, Penfeather, /
am talking article so don't steal it
weekly Gazette )" honor bright, now
no flching-this is 01y thunder This
gives spice to what would otherwise
degenerate into stupid matrimOnialit-
les. Sometimes Penfeather brings me
criticism, In which he has been
roughly handled. And never did that
dear man find me wanting, in that try
ing hour, in sympathy. True to my
sex, / allow nobody but myself to
scratch his eyes out. For me-Pame-
la-I have long since done crying salt
tears at the. bidding of any critic
shall be sorry to tell you my opinion
of critics, as a body, unless you particu-
aTlg insist upon it for my next article.
Renfeather and l have one peculiar
Ity in common ; we can neither of us
write on fish. And lest you should
misunderstood a piscatorial infrm-
ity that our cook grOWls over,
let me state that We cannot write after
eating fish. The fact is that every /
thing about -our. house is ruled in OF
ruled out by the family inkstand. /
Pork it proscribes with. more tbap
j JeWish severity. Strong coffee and |
tea it graciously smiles upon, Soggy
puddings, rich pastry, sal-anything IN 1
at the chamermaid's creak- |
ing brOgans, aud "cusses" when she /
huns tunes while sweeping the stairs. |
And when, with shameless honesty, /
she says to visitors that we are al home /
in disgust, while the moments of ID /
3piratiOn 60 by in unmeaning small /
talk, and with them, alas our hopes 1
Of future "yittels.
Butwhen that autocrat in kstand un-
lertakes to lay down rules as to hours 4
FOR retiring, singly or together, and
more than all when it insists that
friendly conversation shall be suspep-
led as soon as the gas is turned of,
est to morrow article" be damaged,
Why then I feel impelled emphaticalIy
70 remind Penfeather that though lit
srRrily we are two, matrimonially we
ire one.
You may like to know how we look
n case you should meet us. I heard
rag picker once remark Of me thatI
vas bully" whatever that may mean;
ny talented husband, PeBfeatheF,
ooks like a long-haired GsBt
A thought strikes me Peufeatherl
will be sure to read this in the THE
fALAxY. I know just what he will
ay. Aha Two can play at that
anne, viii write Pamela up. She
S a splendid subject. Ten women
oiled into one, with all their kinks,
oddities, and absurdities.
Nov, suppose 1 quietly knock that
title scheme of his ia the head, and
write myself up, Listen. Is
J0ye ! what it is to have a literary
rife. I thought when I married one
t would be so charming to have a
who could understand lit
rarY labor and its necessities. Never
7as a poor devil so mistaken. She in-
errupts me In my writing, on as trIVI-
/ pretences as if she herself were not
he authoress of half a dozen books.
funny story she has heard from
ONE woman, and wants to tell me-
greenback she has torn and wishes
ne to tinker together. A sharply .
'air Of boots she wishes me to admire.
\ cork of a bottle which she has brok-
n in her idiotic plunges to extract
An editorial In the morning paper she |
7ants TO read me, which she says won t
old water. Is not this extraordinary
Onduct IN writer who must know '
be value and necessity of peace and
uietness
This is not all. When my wife, Pa
lela, has done writing, her head is on
re, her cheeks burn, and she is wild
or the fresh air and a long walk to I
ool herself down. Now, when I have q
one writing I want to lie off and {
moke. The idea of exercising is s
disgusting. The more write
he more I want TO sit still and smoke;
q fact, I often smoke while am writ
1g. Now, Pamela Is persuaded, and I
RES to persuade me, that every puff
f smoke, under such circumstances,
J q nail In my coffin. / can't see IL. 8
he says that instead Of quietiDg me,
s I affirm, it only makes me irritable ]
nd intense, and that Walker and Web !
ter viii soon be unable to furnish me
lords to express my feelings on any !!
1bject. You, who are no doubt a
moker, can see the feminine himsi-
ess of such arguments. Besides, if a S
ian wants to smoke till he looks like !
n old parchment. why not Let her S
e satisfied with looking we'll herself.
Again, thought il would be 40 de-
ghtful to have a wife who had an {
pinion of her own on every subject,
lhO read and thought for herself, aud g
as not a mere echo. By Jove I I've I
.1nraZ voEnl ah.A -1s-k s-1 q g