The weekly Butte record., 1867-04-06


OH wild as the accents of lovers farewell
the hearts which they bear and the tales which they
tell BYRON
TorAL DEPRAvIrY-A minister travelling about
in missionary capacity, several years ago, was
holding animated conversation with good old
lady on whom he had called in the course of which
no asked her what she thought Of the doctrine of
total depravity. oh she replied. 81 think it
very good doctrine, if people would only live up to
it." The minister groaned.
No JoB.-A hardshell Baptist preached in Wash
ington City lately, taking for his text, God made
man in his own image" He thus commenced -
IAN honest mans the nobest work of Cod Then
he made long pause and looked searchinnly about
the audience then exclaimed But God Almighty
hasn't had job in this city for fifty years.
MADAME DEMogEsr speaks feelingly of the ''elas-
tic which keeps the stocking up at the knee as
impeding the free circulation of the blood.
Why don't the old girl ease up on her garters if
they trouble her so-let the blood circulate regard
less Of style. We won't say anything.
Az APPROPRIATE ToAsT.-The proprietor of
forge, not remarkable for correctness of language,
but who by honest industry had realized cornfor
table Independence, being called upon at a social
meeting for toast, gave Success TO forgery"
PATIENcE.-A clergyman was one day talking
with his landlord, Universast, on the personality
Of the devil. little incredulous, the gentleman
remarked. II should like to see the devil Cant
you waltz was the quiet reply.
CHILBLAINs-The following discovery by DR..
William II. Weston, of Somervl. Mass. was never
known to fail as q. cure for chilbains: iaudanum
one part liquid acetate of lead two parts. Obtain
a small bottle full at any apothecarys.
CooL.-There is something exquisite in the Yam
KEGS reply to the European traveller who asked
him If he had just crossed the Alps. wal now
you call my attention 10 the fact, guess did pass
rising ground.
THE following is going the rounds as domestic
drama Scene Mother IN the celler splitting
wood. Scene daughter in the pa rlor singing to
Clarence FitZ Noodle the pathetic ballad of ..Who
Will Care for Mother Now -
THE poles that support the telegraph wires be
tween Aspinwall and Panama are encased in ce-
ment, wood being incapable of resisting the rayages
OF the worms and the natural decay.
YoUSG man being asked, he lay summing
himself on the grass. what the height of his
ambition, replied, Ito marry rich widow with a
bad cough"
YOUNG lady writing in defence of filters, says:
"As to the present ridiculous short coats only
say that they present to person at all beligereut
II temptation hardly TO be overlooked.
"BoBBY,' why don't you go home and have yonr
mother sew up that hole in your trowser,!'' .Oh
go along, old woman; folks are at the sewing
circle, sewing for the heather.
LIVERY improvement in society is brought about
by exertien and by the dilgent use of those means
which are best calculated to promote the end inten-
ded TO be accomplished.
THE man who considered himself wise because
he detected some typographical errors in a newspa-
per, has gone eastward to get perpendicular view
OF the rainbow.
HoT-EE MuCH.-It is said that when one of the
last Cinnamon was released, after having been bu-
red for forty eight hours under the snow he ex-
claimed, "too much ee hot"
SERIOUS REFLEcrfoS-Ph Philosophers have spec.
MATED AS TO whether most men become beasts after
death-but let us reflect how often before death they
MAKE beasts OF themselves.
GoLp.-Teeth are stopped with gold, and tongues
may lie so likewise. A man with a rich wife is
often silenced by her throwing her money in his
teeth.
ALwAYs.-ln winter it is sometimes difficult to
understand the clerk of the weather but when il
SHOWS violently, You can always see his drift.
BrRSr CosK-The wife of a New York minstrel
has SIS 900 worth OF diamonds the product of burnt
cork.
A BOTTLE of Egyptian perfume, two thousand
years old, is preserved at the Anwick Museum and
still retains its odor. So does mummy.
- AT printers festival, lately the following sen.
ument was offered: Woman-second only TO the
press IN the dissemination OF news.
WHENEVER we drink too deep of pleasure we find
sediment at the bottom which pollutes and embit-
tiers what We relish al first.
AT recent railway festival the following strik-
lnS sentiment was given : "0ur mothers-the only
faithful tenders who never misplaced the switch !"
pRrNkSS man who slipped down upon Bit of
Ice one night. wanted TO know why it was that wa
'er always froze with the slippery side up.
VINO is wise? He that learns from anv one
Who Is powerful! Ha that governs his passions
Who Is richg He that is content.
Bsrrrs TO be alone than in had COMPANY" is I,
truthful saying: but unfortunately, many persons
are never IN such bad company when alone
! CORRESPONDENT SAYS it will be found that ewes
VIII yield more mutton from ton of hay or grain
than Will any male sheep.
Tns Pangoia, Of Naples announces that seven
extensive petroleum springs have been discovered
IN the southern provinces.
Mr. E. r PARKER (colered) is announced a. q,
independent candidate for Mayor Of Areshany CITY,
Pennsylvania.
GlN CoNSrMgRS.-An eminent physician Of Lon.
don aitErns that threetouIths Of the gin consumed
In me sin shops Of that city, are drunk by women
iHE sverase height OF shooting stars At the mid.