Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1867-11-28
q AFFLICTED BY A FAT
1.d'o 20 WOMAN. A
BY JOHN QUILL.

.rtrt..l-- -s.Hr
o l am at the seashore, trying tt
!. get a little recreation and to improv
my health instead of that, / am a
: likely to lose what little creation
have, and ruin my constitution
= Apipose female is my complaint
and I've goteit sos bad that some
times eFiouslyethink ofthrowins
myself in the undertow and floating
out to become food for clans.
This is the way it occurs; yol
see there is a maiden here whost
father is acquainted with my father
{ and whose robust pocket book cor
responds, comparatively, with the
size Of his daughter. .4uy,
She, forsooth, is a maiden who
assumes to have seen but twenty
summers, but she has put in the
time so well that she has collected
more beef and tissue, and so on, on
her skeleton than would serve six
ordinary women. I'.tjl s.i
Well, you see this heavy father
has his equally heavy daughter on
hands, and he comes down here to
throw her over into matrimony with
some unsuspecting man In an evil
hour l was induced to borrow mon
ey from him, and now he threatens
me with the sheriff or else his
daughter, whichever 1 choose. Of
course l prefer the sheriff, but |
worry along with the fat woman
until | see a chance to bolt,
| You have no idea how trying it
is. Her name is Maria and she is
always wanting, to 60 to bathe. ] So
we 90 down to the breach I walk
in her shadow toget out Of the heat.
When she comes ,toithe bath house,
ten chances to one that she nearly
rips the clothes oft'of her iii trying
to get through. the door, and then.
just as like as/not,-Ive got to walk
back and get "a carpenter to come
down and take out four OF. five
lplanks so as to get her in,l and then
when she is in, it is necessary for
I9me t6tstand- there ana hold theloose
IPlIa41ks, lipd place while, she takes of
her enyelQp6sr sals & u ,sltis aldpia
Then she comes out and tries to
"trip tightly over the Sands. Did
you ever eseeeang elephant daneelat.a a
circus?. Welly that'sidher, She
Hooks more like d fn6lasses cask on
two legs than anything else, and
Hshe's a bout sasigracefulas an OK, /
And she wanted meato teach her
to swim. Wouldn't l hold her by
the waist RAile she sawif-she could
float? Waist! Talk about putting a
girdle around the earth, the equator
or therings of Saturn Why, / tell
youyod mightas we'll tfyto embrace
the dome Of the, Capitol at Wash
81 No, I would grab fora
hold anywhere else, but she must
not expect me to take her by the
waist !; I would rather 60 and give
myself up to the sheriff at once than
do that Ia ela no ,lr sa.i'aeff4I lp
got hold of her, and she laid
over on her back to such an extent
that it caused the flood tide, and
then her head went under; and she
came up blowing like an organ bel
1ous }tlJ ffNa2 u
'aTihe," said |, aboyy comes les up
.UBHtsho cdGlaa'3 appreciate 'inho-
cent amusement, and said if / tried
to .drpMnd heflshed. fell her pa.
Blast your pa, a wateEy grave jis
just what she lis suffering for I I
70 Why didn't hold her up she
said. l wasn't aSams6n, l replied.
Thad never taken q prize at a gym
nasipm for lifting twelve hundred
pounds. What.did she take me for?
So she laid over again, and Just
then a breaker, eame; 50 shat she
lost her balance, and one Of her legs
wentupsoi that she kicked me on
the nose. Ill don't see how she ev-
er did'it. IT Seems impossible, "a,
A But sheo did not, care anything
about my agony Indeed, / think |
she was proud Of having drawnlthe
first blood, but she, didn't say any,
thing, except that shewanted to try |
floating aggin9 but 4 believe ] !
#ouldh't go fof another ehaheei l |
was. afraid she might roll over on
ME and flatten me oatG N'l
Then she said she. didn't believe
I loved hef, and iftold her that as a
guesser /, never saw hef equal
Would / swim out to sayeher ifshe
was drowning I she asked / tho't
not, as | hadn't my life insured, and
had no horse power about me. a !
When she came out you ought I
to have seen her. She left the bar
high and dry all along the;coast,
and in her,eI0thes there was water
epeugh to float an iron -cla a. .e''
&fhen You ought to see her at the
l1op!s She has an idea that she can
dance, and when she expressed her