The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1867-04-25
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


but stdO-natlOn.
WHY are good husbands like dough
Because woman need them.
A colporteur says he could always FIND
sinners because he tract EN-.
What two letters would destroy all the
others if allowed to do SO? DIX.
| Why is the letter S like thunder? Be
cause it makes our cream sour cream
! When is Echo like visiting acquaint-
ance When she returns your call
Little girls believe in the man in the
moon-big girls believe in "a man in the
| honeymoon.
What did you give for that horse,
neighbor 2. My note. .'Well that
was cheap
The great secret of success in business,
IS to get the ring of the true n.etal-
Printer Zinc.
Whittier's last poem, ''The Tent on
the Beach, has already reached it's
nineteenth thousand.
Excited Frenchman at Niagara Falls:
All dis is de grand spectakcl! Supaarb!
Magnefuel By garl he is. come down
first rate'
Ladies are like watches pretty enough
TO look at-sweet faces and delicate
hands, but somewhat difficult to ''regu-
late" when once set agoing
A lady who is opposed to having whist
played IN her house recently sent out in
y1tatlons for social party, and, lest there
should be some mistake, she added, mo
cards. -
There is boy down East, who is ac-
customed to go out on a railroad track
and Initiate the steam whistle so per-
fectiy as to deceive the officers at the sta
ton. Ills last attempt proved eminently
successful: the depot master came out
and switched him off.
When are you going to commence the
pork business?" asked one person of
another who had sly on his eye. eek
plain yourself, sir, said the afflicted
gentleman. why, | see that you have
your sly quite ready" True was the
reply, and l have one hog in my eye now.
''Sure, said Patrick, rubbing his head
with delight at the prospect Of a present
from his employer. Il always name to
do my duty. II believe you, replied
his employer, and therefore shall make
you present Of all you have stolen from
me during the year 81 thank your
honor, p" replied Pat: t'and may all your
friends and acquaintance trate you as
literally"
Candor, in some people, may be COM
pared with lemon drops, in which the
acid predomInates over the sweetness.
Twenty years ago wooden rags were
worth twenty dollars ton, and used for
manure. They now sell Or two hundred
dollars pei, ton, and are made again into
shoddy cloth.
A clock is said to have the least self
esteem Of any article of manufacture, as
it is constantly running itself down and
holding its hands before its face, however
good its works.
GOING TO LAw.-Two Dutchmen who
built and used In common a small bridge |
over stream which run through their |
farms, had dispute concerning some re-
pairs which it required, and one of them
positively refused to bear any portion of |
the expense necessary to the purchase of
a few planks. Finally the aggrieyed par
ty went to neighboring lawyer, and
placing two five dollar notes in his hand, |
said
''I'll give you all dish monish if you II
make Hans do justice nit de pridge"
'How much will it cost to repair it,"
asked the honest lawyer.
Not more ash five tollar," said the |
Dutchman
Very well,'' said the lawyer, pocket |
ing enc Of the notes and giving him the |
other; take this and go get the bridge |
repaired; tbs the best course you can |
take
'Yaas, said the Dutchnan, slowly, |
dat ish more better as to quarrel init |
Hans" but as he went along home he |
shook his head frequently, as if unable,
after all, to see quite clearly how he had
gained anything by going to law. /
While the iron-clad Miantonomah lay off
a German gentleman came
on board early one evening and inquired
if the commander of United States
vessel had authority to marry people, and
if it was legal in all countries? Upon
being informed in the affirmative, he
stated that he wished to be married by
Protestant, which was difficult matter
in Spain, and asked Captain Beaumont
if he would otficiate. "Oh yes" said the
Captain, and immediately all hands went
to work dressing the wardroom with flags,
hanging lanterns around on deck, making
it as bright as day At eight o clock in
the evening, boats were sent on shore to
bring the victims off. As soon as they
arrived alongside, the ships band sta
toned on the top Of the turret, struc! up
an American air. Blue lights, sky-rock-
cts, ETC., We're fired, and the couple step
ped on board. and in few moments were
made one. They were a fine looking
couple. After the ceremony and congra-
tulations were over, a dance on the quar-
ter deck and a supper finished the per-
Torrance. This was an iron-clad wedding
and she was the bride of the Miantono-
NAH