The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-06-27
HUMOROUS.

To prevent your hair coming out
never let your wife catch you kissing
the servant girl.
"What would you be dearest"
said Walter to his sweetheart, " if |
were to press the seal of love upon
those sealing wax lipsY l should
be stationery, ~
A young lady of Montgomery, who
gave it as her reason for the act,
. that it made it smell as though there
was a man around. f,.e.--r
A farmer wrote as follows to dis
tinguished scientific agriculturist to
whom he felt under obligations for
introducing variety of Swine:
Respected Sir: [ went yesterday
to the cattle show. [ found several
pigs of your species. There was
great variety of hogs, and l was as
tonished at not seeing you there"
Chief Justice Story was once guest
at public dinner in Boston, at
which Edward Everett was present.
Wishing to pay delicate compliment
to the latter. the learned Judge pro-
posed, as a volunteer toast, Fame
follows merit where Everett goes.
The brilliant scholar and consum-
mate orator, not at all disconnected,
rose, and, tossing up his wine glass,
responded ITO whatever nights
judicial learning may attain in this
country, it will never rise above one
Story.
Josh Billings.
Joshua Billings. Esq, is quite a
stranger of late, . Nasty" having al
most entirely controlled the newspa-
pers the past year. Josh, however,
has turned up in the New York
| Weekly, with the following mono
gratis:
Jealous Nan liz alwuz hunting.
He IL alwuz hunting for sumthing
that he don't expeckt tew find, and
after he haz found it, then he IL
mad bekause he haz. Theze fellers
don't beleav in spooks, and yet they
are about the only folks who ever see
emmy. A jealous man il alwuz happy,
jist in proporshun ez he il mizerable.
Jelosy IL diseaze, and it IL a good
deal like sea sickness-dredful sick
and kant womit. a le
The Anonymous Man boards at a
red tavern, and pays hiz board bi
tending bar occasionally. He haint
got emmy more karakter than the jack
ov spades haz when it amt trumps.
He il loafer bi profession, with
out emmy vices.
He rides on the box once in a
while, with the driver, and nobody
thinks ,ov asking for his stage fare.
He sprung from respectable fami-
| ly; hiz great grandfather wuz justiss
ov the peace; but he has not got
vanity enuff tew brag on it.
He amt necessarily a phool, emmy
more than bulls watch IL; if emmy
boldly will wind him up, he will sett
still, and run quietly down.
The Stiff Han looks down, when
he walks, upon folks. He don't seem
to have but one timber jinte in him
and that IL lokated in his nose.
He IL kind of masculine turkey
on parade, in barn yard.
He liz generally loaded with wisdom
clear up tew to the muzzell, and
when he goes oph makes a noise like
cannon, but don't dew emmy dam
mage.
| | have seen him fire into a crowd
and miss every man.
This kind of stiff man IL very ham
dy tew fatter. They seem tew know
they amt entitled to good article,
and, therefore, are satisfied with very
hard soap.
Thare amt but tn men who git stiff
on what they actually know, but most
aul ov them git stiff on what they ac-
tually feel.
| Stiff men are called aristokrats, but
this Amt SO. Thare amt no such
thing as aristokrats in this country
| The country amt long enuff yet,
unless man has got some Indian in
him.
Az gen'ral thing, stiff men get
mad dredful easy, and hev tew git
over it dredful easy, bekause folks
amt apt tew git big skare at what
they amt afraid ov.
Stiff Nan had grandfather once
who went to Congress from our dis
trio, and there amt one in the whole
family that hev been able tew git linn
Der since.
The Model Man never disturbs a
hen when she is setting; never speaks
cross tew lost dorg; alwuz puts a
FIVE cent shin plaster in his west
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