The weekly Butte record., 1867-09-14

WHERE WOULD THEY HAVE BEES-The ones
ton whether hanging should be abolished, was re-
Gently discussed by debating society in Michigan.
Sam Wood was adverse TO the suspensory process
as may be gathered from his peroration: "Mr.
President, talk of hanging for stealing! Why. sir
where have been where would YOU have BEEN
where would we all have been, if hanging were the
penalty for that oience! Let the codifers answer.
The Portland Press tells an affecting story of
a couple who got separated on their way from
Bangor to that city. After searching for each
other there in great distress of mind they met
on the street and rushed into each Others arms.
One of the parties Marshal Head of Bangor
and the other was prisoner whom he taking
to Boston for trial.
A LosT OPPoRTUNITY.-A CITY contemporary tells
story OF man in Cairo, who having run against
BARRIERS pole imagined that he had been assault
ed by robbers, threw down his pocket-book and
Hed. Considering the punning propensties of the
paper telling the story. we wonder that it did not
chronicle the incident enforced payment
polltax.
YOUNG ladies who give evening serenades should
be careful as to the manner of pouring out their
warbngs that they are not takeu or mistaken
for the utterance OF the feline species. Good inten
tons are sometimes very greatly marred by the
style in which they are accomplished.
"WHY don't you wheel that barrow of Goals.
Ned! said learned miner to one of his It's
not a very hard job. there is inclined plane to
relieve you" 'Ah,' replied Ned who had more
relish for wit than work, "the plane may be inclined,
but hang me if am
LITTLE boy in New York made kite of his
fathers sos. Government never went SO high he
fore. They will probably never so so high again
until they go up in balloon.
'Do you Keep matches?n asked would be wit
Of retailer. "Oh yes, all kinds was the reply.
''Well, then. I'll take trotting match" The retail
er Immediately handed box OF Brandreth's pills.
"WHAr do you by bringing me these
bones! orderd mutton chops:" well, sah in dis
establishment mutton chop is bone OBJ de sheep
from which all de meat has been chopped off,
''wHy don't you stand up there like a man."
asked magistrate OF a drunken fellow arragned
before him. II can stand up well enough, your
Honor; cant make my boots stand up
said hdgety old spnster to her maid of work
''Why. replied the girl, "the candles fell into the
water, and put them n the oven to dry"
SENSIBLE MANA chap down in Connecticut
after the conscripton act got married. He now
says If he can get divorce he will enlist if he
must fight he would rather do SO for his country.
"woN'r you take half of this poor applet" said
pretty damSel. No thank yon | would prefer
better half. Eliza bushed and referred him to
her papa
You may meet with twenty men in day who
stutter. but you rarely hear of a woman who has
an impeachment IN her speech.
TRUE ELooUeNcE-An Athen,an who wanted
eioquence, but was very brave, when another had,
in a long and brilliant speech, promised great
affairs got up and said, "Men of Athens all that
he has said, will do
HARD To PRoNouNcE.-The Germans complain
OF the difficulty they experience in pronouncing
the English language. They think it very hard
that the word Boz should be pronounced Dickens
LlKr.-Lawyer's months like turnpike gates.
open for pay.
should offer To show for three pence how he could
thrust red-hot poker into barrel of gunpowder,
and it should not take fire.
How is it possible to expect that mankind will
take advice, when they will not much AS take
warning
THE latter part of wise mans life is taken up
in curing the foeS, preudices, and false opinions
he had contracted in the former.
AroLLo was held the god of phvsic and sender
of disease. Both were originally the same trade.
and still continue.
THE power of fortune is confessed only bv the
miserable; for the happy impute all their success
to prudence and merit.
AMBITION often puts men upon doing the mean
est offices; so climbing is performed in the same
posture with creeping.
SMALL causes are sufficient to make man un
easy when great ones are not in the way; for want
OF a block he will stumble at straw.
WHEN pickpocket pulls at your watch, tell him
plainly that yeu have no time to spare.
"YUBA DAM says that the sight Of a low necked
dress. makes him wish he was syery lit,le) boy
again.
PsSFKcr integrity aud a properly cocied beef
steak are rare.
WHEN is blow from Young lady welcome,
When 1t strikes you agreeaby.
EVERY man desires to live long, but no man
would be old.
CosTLy.-A man was complaining lately that
beer very dear. He took two glasses which
cost him ten dollars and twenty cents. Twenty
cents went 10 the beer seller, and ten dollars to
judge.
MAY our blonde bcaEties he, looked on as form
ing portion Of the pale of society:
Young giIl once blew her lover ont Of doors,
and then kissed the candle.
YOUNG Indian wife. aged sixteen has presented
her husband. aged eighteen. with three bouncing
boys. Pretty good tor beginner.
New ORLgANs editor tells of counting one
hundred and seventy-three al,isaiors in sail of
six miles along bayou.
LOVE of fattery, in most men. proceeds from the
mean opinion they have of themselves: in woman,
from the contrary.
SrgAk none bat kind words to-day lest il should
be the last time you have the opportunity.
The worlds experience breaches in vain everv
msn. thinks himself an exception TO all general
rules.
QUESTION of tme-asking another's ace.
How many peas are there in pint Ouep.
The fastest thing soing-a hunting-watch.
liz q man makes you keep yonr distance, the
comfort is, be keeps his at the same time.