The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1867-11-09
Bu0get Of JIM.

ffI OuOYEt u JIM.
An ancient rhyme divides female beauty into
four orders as follows:
Long and lazy,
Little and loud
Fair and foolish,
Dark and proud.
Among the patents granted lately, one was to
aJerseyman for improved composition for sau-
sages." We have heard Of a mixture of dog, red
flannel and turnips rs q composition for sausage.
but it is not likely that it was ever patented
What the improvement may be We are at loss
to imagine.
A SELF-EvIDENT PRoPosITIoN.-The Chica-
20 Post heads an article, IA man marries three
wives and-comes to grief"
What is the difference between the entrance to
a barn door and an over-talkative person I? One
is barn door and the other darn bore
printer in Texas whose first son happened to
DO q short, chubby little fellow, named him Bre-
vier Full-Face Jones.
They have railroad bridge at Champaign
city, of which it is said that while the ladies step
up the stairs the gentlemen stare up the steps.
An inebriate correspondent wishes to know if
young ladies who like to see their own reflections
in the mirror are properly described as being "a
little too fond of their glass;
An elopement of sweet sixteen in panta.
looms, with mature twenty-five in petticoats, Is
the Cleveland sensation Of the day.
fellow who is now in Jail in New York for
having three wives had the audacity to ask wife
No | to wash white vest for him to wear DUR
ing the ceremony with the third woman.
There are several clergymen in New York who
receive over $4,000 per year for marriage fees.
1t is an i'll wind, etc.
"Working for dear life. is defined to be max
ing clothes for new baby.
A little girl who had been visiting in the fam.
lily of a neighbor, hearing them speak Of her
father as a widower Oh her return home address
ed him thus
Spa are you widower:'
'ies, my child. Don't you know your moth
er is dead
"Why, yes, knew mother was dead: but you
Away, tod me you was New Yorker
4 thousand girls with azure eyes.
With coral lips and golden hair.
Are gathering hop, In Bethel, Nam,
thousand girs--diyinely fair.
Al day their nmblc fingers work
To guther in the eaiy crop;
And since | cannot be Turk,
how wish were hop,
It Is said 10 be almost as easy to get marriedin
indiana IS 70 get divorce.
Nne Of the wonderful children who are con-
tinualiv a-toni-hing their mothers--in prints
repre- u.eI by tie Boston J0lyaaS a. exglaiming,
"Mamma, where did they hatch the first hen =
The reporter came away before mamma made
rel--
D.. ", on ono occasion received no fee
for marrying parsmonious compile, and meeting
them .7l months after At q social gathering,
took up the baby and exclaimed:
Il believe hayoa mortgage on this child !"
Baby papa, rather than have an explana-
ton before the company, quietly handed over
aE.
a young lady recently died at Elgin, and, at
her funeral, when her relatives ani friends were
taking last look, Il young man t. whom she
had been engaged deliberately bent over the
corpse and too. from a finger a wedding ring
which he had placed upon it, when he and The
now dead girl had plighted their mu.ual faith.
81 saw a lady wrapped up in shawl that she
would not take six hundred dollavs for" said
Smith 10 Jones. = can beat that all hollow
retorted Jones. :" SOW o. lady who was 50 wrap
ed up in hol baby hat she wouldn't have taken
Fix hundred thousand dollars 4ls ~
Two dis;iugui,hel philosophers took shelter
under one tree during heavy shower. After
some time, one OF tAga conn .aiued that he felt
the rain. "Neyer miud,7 replied the other,
"there are plenty If trees; when this one is wet
through wc Will go b -ao.,er'
Tho opr grams ma.A-a @ cotemporary,
q strikur instance Why should vote.
Shes paid t.zos GA dor i.- .aa last ten years,
and now i ur-s ~ We, i.any longer
shell d ltr ,l'e o.. l,aa tls
An Iri-anaa, speaking , children, said {:
"TAov re oil 81. bug lie go, corn in this coun-