The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-10-23

AsS
-"come down quickW
"Not 1! 1 amt SO green as to trust
my old body to "a supernatural ghost |"
and down went the window with a
bang. Phillips pounded at the door
until he was tired, and then made
tracks for his home.
"Dr. Gray had just arrived. Mrs.
Phillips was preparing to go into
Mysteries as soon as she heard his opin-
ion.
Baby was much worse; it was not
only sucking its thumbs, but wiggled
its toes. 1t could not continue long.
The doctor, with a grave face, entered
the sick room. Biddy rubbed her
mistress with camphor. Mr.. Phillips
stood by, wiping his eyes, with the
drapery of his scant attire.
"Oh, doctor! doctor will it die
Only save it doctor, and you may take
all l havew cried Mrs. Phillips,
wringing her hands. m'll get down
on my knees to you and thank you
forever.
"Keep your sitting, marm, keep
your sitting" said the doctor, taking
a large pinch of snuff.
Don't keep me in suspense! Only
look at its precious little arm! What
is it! For the love of heaven tell
me--let me know the worst"
"Wcll, marin, if l speak out, you
promise not to blame me-" asked the
doctor gravely.
"No, mol"
"Marm," said he, with his long face
still more fearfully elongated, at is
my opinion as a man and physician
that the child has been bitten by foul
bed bugs, or else he has been bitten in
four places by one insect of that de-
scription."
"Dr. Gray" cried the father, "dc
you mean to insult u.s."
"By no means, sir; repeat, sir, that
| think
"No, You don't" yelled Mrs. p
It's enough to insinuate that | have
bed bugs, to say nothing of the libel
on that little angel cherub. Get out
of this house this instant, you mean
cheating, insulting old vagabond!" and
scizing the butter ladle from the table,
where Biddy had laid it full of hot
pepper tea, she flung it at him. The
doctor knew enough about women to
realize that in flight lay safety, with q
hasty bow he backed off the step and
started for his gig. The ground was
inclined; and quite ley. His heels
flew up, his head went down, and his
whole body spun down the hill like q
steel shod cutter. Mrs. p, nothing
daunted, rushed after him, and shared
the same fate. The two brought up
together at the foot of the hill, in a
watering trough, but no words of SYM
pathy were exchanged. The doctor
got up as quick as he could, and gal
loped home, and Mrs. Phillips follow
ed his example.
The baby lived and throve. As il
grew older, its dictatorship became
more and more absolute. Phillips
was down on all fours the greater part
of his time. that the baby might ride
on his back; and Mrs. Phillips went
without cYinoline, and left her arms
bare in the coolest weather because the
steel springs and her dress sleeves hurt
the baby.
Baby made a complete wreck of all
the crockery in the house-pounded it
with hammer; he kicked his heels
through the looking glasses, and tore
the inwards out of pas gold watch
unmolcsted. 1t pleased the deary,
weary, scary, baby, his mother said
the little nifty sugar plummy boy.
One day, when the wonderful boy
was year old, the village inhabitants
were startled by the disbelieved appa-
rition of Mrs. Phillips-barc headed,
and wearing a wild expression of
countenance-hurrying at a frantic
rate to the joiner's shop, where her
husband worked; and instantly re-
appeared, followed by Mr.. Phillips at
a dog trot.
Old Squire Smith saw them, and
being a man who lived in constant
dread of fire, he thought it must be
the residence of Mr.. Phillips was in
flames. The old gentleman was per-
fectly insane on the subject of conia-
grafton, and at the top of bis lungs
raised the cry:
"Fire! fire firew
"Wherc? where? cried a score of
voices.
"Charles Phillips house" said the
old gentleman.
The fire company gathered, got out
the engine, and ran with all speed to
the fatal house. But to their aston
ishment they did not as much as smell
a puff of smoke in the region.
The head fireman, who was some
thing ola wag, knocked at the door.
Mrs. Phillips appeared, absolutely ra-
diant.
"Is this the house, allow me to in
quire ma'am, that we are expected to
squirt on?" said the fireman.
II do not understand YOU" said
Mrs. p, "but baby has walked two
steps-two steps ap his own feet,
alone
"Sold! by Jupiter p cried the Gre
man "and now boys, here's three
times three to the baby ths+ walked
three steps! Hearty; men,"
Aud they gave three cheers--4sSnk