Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-06-08
SALMAGUNDI,

' A golden no is often better received than brutal yes.
 The heart, like a watchman, should confne itself to it's regular beat Come here Tommy said a school
 master : do you know your A. B. C's,'
 Yes zur, 1 know bee sees'
 A KNOWING BoY-"You want
 fogging, that's what you do" said a pa-
 rent to his unruly son. "I know it, dad
 but I'll try and get along without it." re-
 turned the boy.
 A 'bnll somewhere: A country paper
 says: A COW was struck by lightning and
 instantly killed, belonging to the village
 physician, who had beautiful calf four days old.'
 Why are young ladies kissing each
 other like an emblem of Christianity
 Because they are doing unto each other
 as they would that men should do unto
 them!
 A man in neighboring city who had been fined several weeks in succession for .getting drunk, cooly proposed to the
 magistrate that he should take him by
 the year at reduced rate
 "I think" said fellow the other day,
 "1 should make good member of Con-
 gross for use their language. I re- ceived two bills short time since, with requests for immediate payment the one
 other to be read that day six months"
 A lady wrote with diamond on a pane of glass
 Man was at first made upright, but : he--"
 To which an impertinent gentleman added
 "Most surely had continued so, but she"
 A young lady reprimanded her shoe
 maker for not following her directions
 respecting pair of shoes she had or dered, and angrily insisted that Sey were not fellows. Crispin replied that he purposely made them to order to oblige, well knowing the modesty of her disposi- , ton, and that she was not fond of fellows. ], In jovial company each one asked a l question. If it was answered he paid n forfeit or if he could not answer 1t him. self he paid forfeit. An Irshmans $ question was : "How does the ground
 hog make his hole without showing any
 dirt about the entrance ?" When they all gave it up Pat said; Sure, don't you see, he begins at the other end of the
 hole" One ofthe rest exclaimed ''But how does he get there ?" Ahi" said Pat, "that's your question-can you an- swer it yourself!'
 r STRONG WRITING.-The Cincinnati , Commercial quotes the annexed sentence t from Albert Pike, as exhibiting an unui 5 sual command of language: Bankrupt ] cy, foreign war, internal hatreds, hell : of fire thinly crusted over, new dissen-
 sions, separations, .strifes, new rivers of . blood, repeated destinations, new light f nings of the red deserved wrath of God,
 the corroding stains of inocent blood upon , the soul, the insensible horrid lapse into a the most hidious of despotism, all the f Dantesque horrors of the internal regions h that the shades of dead nations, tortured, I inhabit-all these stare upon them out of " the grim silent darkness of the future , days,'
 :, A good story is told of an eccentric old 2 gentleman, who, although occasionally e addicted to the habit of swearing, was |, still punctillious in regard to saying grace |. at his table, and this he never omitted on e any occasion. The story runs, that on d a certain occasion the old gentleman in 3, vited sea captain, a jolly old weather 2 beatean tar of his acquaintance, to dine is with him. They sat down to dinner, and
 the old gentleman, according to custom,
 commenced saying grace but the captain, 2 whose attention had been diverted for the :, moment, hearing the old gentleman speak, - thought he was addressing him, and turn cd to him with
 s "What did you say, Squire 2" i, "Why, d-n it, man, I'm saying v grace"
 n THE TYpo AND THE EDIToR.-The ,. lawyer editor of country paper, who q wrote a very "blind hand" was frequent t ly annoyed by compositors' inquiries con- e corning words which they could not dis 1T cipher. One day a compositor as little ,- acquainted with the handwriting, entered t the sanctum, and holding copy before ]. his eyes, inquired what certain crooked fl mark stood for. The editor did not wish j. at that time to be interrupted an ex claimed, 'sGo to the devil" o Tie compositor retired, not to his Sa $ tanic Majesty, but to the composing room
 When the editor read his proofs he had
 the pleasure to see line in his leading e editorial read:
 !, "He, (Mr. Webster,) will, in all proba . bility go to the devil"
 q The copy was looked for, and tho crook