The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1867-12-14
Unpopular Lectures.
BY UBA DAM.

YoUNG MEN suppose that no man
who has arrived at the years of under
standing can look back upon his days of
puppyhood without shudder. They
constitute green spot in memory's waste
which we would fain forget. The mas
culine human in his turning state is
sight sickening TO behold. But there is
a stage Of existence extending over
space Of two OF three years, between the
outer stages Of boyhood and the first sta
ges of manhood, which masculine has
to travel nolens Uotens. It is out of the
benighted souls in this probationary state
that now propose to speak.
I therefore assert it as an incontrovert-
able fact that the most disgusting creature
in the animal kingdom is bobtailed spec
linen Of humanity after he sheds the tail
of pollywogism, and before he attains the
legs of frog-hood Yet is he as uncon-
scious Of "what ails him" az is sucking
babe Of infant damnation.
Puppyhood is obtrusive, noisy, and
given to extreme opinions which 1t vol
unteers on all occasions. It peryades all
circles of society, but never loses its iden.
tity.
The fast young man is the most
common type Of this nuisance. He fire.
qucnts billiard and drinking saloons, and
is readily recognized by his taiIless coat,
and the various noises he makes. He
claims to be posted on all subjects, and
on all horse questions he is ready to back
his opinions with his money. When he
il not whistling he will be heard swear
ing loudly and awkwardly. He patron
izes the drama and is audible, but not al
ways classic or chaste in his criticisms
He knows exactly where an actress is
padded and exactly how much. He is
terror to supernumeraries and sets up
frantic cries Of "soup" whenever they
appear. He INDUCES in practical jokes
upon the apple boys, and rudely stares at
the ladies' before scattering their dresses
with tobacco juice. He regards tobacco
in all its forms as great developing
agent of manhood. He takes kindly to
strong drink, and considers having been
"drunk as the deyip the night before
matter fit to boast Of In the circles of his
admirers,
You may take any twenty of this style
Of swell.head, and in that number you
will not be able to find two that could
start even with the world and support
himself honorably for one year.
The moral puppy is not SO wicked per-
haps, yet he is dose. In dry goods
stores and other places where eloqnence
combined with good looks are most effec-
tive, he commonly wiclds his scepter-
Although selling goods may be his osten-
sible aim, marrying fortune is the great
object of his life Consequently he keeps
sharp lookout for an eligible candidate,
whom, being found, trust him for the
balance In order to keep his subjuga.
ting powers in effective order, he does not
scruple to practice his arts upon aldoles-
cent damsels who drop in to cheaper dry
goods While extolling the excellence of
the fabric with his deluding tongue, his
eyes are darting pythian glances into the
bosom of the fascinated maiden across the
counter.
He is a power at Sabbath schools and
bible classes He not unfrequently aston
ishes the elders By his novel expositions
of abstruse and hitherto doubtful passa-
ges of scripture His commentaries up
on the writings of st. Paul would make
that chief of Saints, could he hear them,
again exclaim:
II am debtor both to the Greeks and to
the Barbarians; both to the wise and to
the unwise !"
At small social parties our moral pup
py is in his glory, and is invaluable to the
reigning belle as genteel servant and .
target for her stock of witticisms. But if
you would see and hear him in his might,
you must get him up in debating socie-
lty. No other farce can compare with
that. But it has one drawback. It takes
you back to your own days of puppYhood
and suggests suicide.-LoaisUiale Coar=
ier. 33l