davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
Rather Dull.

The stagnation of trade has been Sc
verely felt by all business men, and ev-
en- that enterprising class of our fellow
creatures known as 'drummers, or trav-
cling statesmen, despite their almost in
exhaustible invention and resources,
have been obliged occasionally to yield
to the pressure of the times.
One of these gentlemen, who has re-
Gently returned from trip for Thistle
Bros. & Co., of this city, did not show
very large exhibit of orders to bal
ance the liberal expense account allow
ed him by the firm, and Mr.. Thistle,
after looking over his returns, said,
"Mr. Rataplan, am afraid you do
not approach the dealers in the right
way; used to be very successful in
this line. Now just suppose me to be
MIR. Bigher, of Sellout, Illinois, and
show me the way you introduce the
house."
Accordingly Rataplan stepped out of
the counting-room, and re-entered, hat
in hand, inquiring, "Is Mr.. Bigher
in ?"
"That is my name," said Thistle, ur-
banely.
"My name is Rataplan, sir. I repre-
sent the house of Thistle, Bros & Co.,
of Boston" (Thistle, in his character
of Western merchant here rose, offered
the salesman chair, and expressed his
pleasure at seeing him
81 am stopping with Overcharge, at
the Stickem house, and have a fine un-
broken lot of samples which | would
like to show you think we can offer
you some special advantages" etc. And
Rataplan delivered himself of neat
speech in professional style.
every well, very WE'LL" said This
tie; 81 don't see but you understand
the way to get a customer"
"Excuse me, Mr.. Thistle" said Rat
aplan; 81 am afraid you do not under
stand the style of Western merchants
just now; suppose you exchange places
with me and we repeat this rehearsal
"Certainly," said Thistle, and pick
ing up his hat he stepped out Re-
turning, he found Rataplan with his
chair tilted back, hat cooked fercely
over his right eye, his heels planted on
Thistle's polished desk, and a. lighted
cigar between his teeth.
Thistle looked little staggered, but
nevertheless he commenced.
SIS Mr. Bigher n?'
eyes, he is" responded Rataplan,
blowing cloud of pure Connecticut
into Thistle's eyes. "Who in h are
you?''
81 represent the house of Thistle
Bros. & Co." said the astonished en-
ployer, coughing about quart of smoke
from his throat.
"The blazes you do; are you one of
that concern p
"No, sir, I am not" said Thistle.
"Well, it's id lucky for you that
you are not, for I've had two drummers
to one customer for the last two months
and if | could get hold of the blamed
fools that send 'em out here at this time
I'm burned if | wouldn't boot EN- clean
out of the town of Sellout.'
"That'll do, that'll do, Mr.. Rata
plan," said Thistle; "I've no doubt
you did the best you could for the in
terest of the house. Trade is little
dull.-Boston Com. BM.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
A PICTURE FROM MEMORY.

Among the beautiful pictures
That hang on memory's wall
Is one of dim old forest,
That seemeth best of all;
Not for its gnarled oaks olden,
Dark with the mistletoe;
Not for the yiolets golden
That sprinkle tie vale below;
Not for the milk white lilies
That lean from the fragrant hedge,
Coquetting all day with the sunbeams
And stealing their golden edge;
Not for the vines on the upland
Where the bright red berries rest,
Nor the pinks, nor the pale sweet cowslip
1t seemeth to me the best.
1 once had little brother,
With eyes that were dark and deep
In the lap of that dim old forest
He lieth in peace asleep;
Light as the down of the thistle,
Free as the winds that blow,
We roamed there the beautiful Summers,
The Summers of long ago;
But his feet on the hills grew weary,
And, one of the Autumn ewes,
made for my little brother
A bed of the yellow leaves.
Sweetly his pale arms folded
My neck in meek embrace,
AS the light of immortal beauty
Silently covered his face;
And when the arrows of sunset
Lodged in the tree-tops bright,
He fell, in his saint-like beauty,
Asleep by the gates of light.
Therefore, of all the pictures
That hang on memory's wall,
The one of the dim old forest
Seemeth the best Of all.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
JOB PRINTIN e.
All kinds of JOB WORK executed with
neatness and dispatch, and on moderate term

re- From and after this date all Sherih's
Constables' and other legal sales. advertised,
in the CHRONICLE, must be paid for on the
day Of sale, punctually. We hold none but
the officers responsible for their payment.
@ Transient advertisements must be paid
In advance. Job-work paid on delivery, in
pariably.
~A All regular advertisers will be requi-
red to settle on the first of every month. Our
city advertisers will be required to pay up
every three months.
~ Advertisements will becontinued until
ordered out and collection enforced. All ad-
vertisements should have marked upon them
the number of insertions required.
va There will be no deviation from the
above established terms and rules OF business
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

ACCORDING to Nashville paper the
valise of one of the Louisville editors
recently fell from a cab in that city,
burst open, and the following contents
were found laying about loose on the
pavement where he had been spilled,
viz: 2 clean shirts dirty do; l dir
ty pair of drawers; l hymn book; 2
packs playing cards; bootle whisky;
l prayer book; l boot jack; l brace of
pistols; scraps of candles; l pocket
testament; l razor and strop; l shaw
ing brush; l cake soap; l vial sweet
oppoponix l photograph of colored
girl and lock of kinky hair, and cop
les of the "Right of Way"
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

THE BAKERS HoRsE.-Some years
ago, a baker in London purchased
horse, on which he rode when supply
ing his customers with hot rolls and
cakes. One day he passed the gate at
Hyde Park at the moment when the
trumpet was sounding for the regiment
of Life Guards to fall in.
No sooner did the sound assail the
ears of the horse, than he darted
through the park, with the bewildered
baker on his back, into the midst of
the squadron. The poor baker, morti-
fed at being in military line, in the
front rank of the Life Guards, began to
whip and scold, but all to no purpose.
His old charger was so aroused at the
sound of the trumpet, that to move him
from his station was impossible. The
soldiers were exceedingly amused at the
grotesque appearance of the baker, and
the department of his steed, and were
expressing their astopishment, when an
old comrade recognized the animal, and
informed the corps that the horse once
belonged to the regiment, but had been
sold, on account of some infrmity, a
few years before.
Several of the officers kindly greeted
their old companion and the colonel,
delighted at the circumstance, gave
the signal to advance in line, when the
baker finding all resistance useless,
calmly resigned himself to the situation.
The trumpet then sounded the charge,
when the rider was instantly carried,
between his two panniers, with the rap
idity of the wind, to great distance.
Various evolutions were then performed
in which the animal displayed wonder
full skill. At length the sound of re-
treat was proclaimed, when off went the
sagacious creature with his rider Hav.
ing enjoyed his exercise in the field, he
was content to esign himself to the
guidance of the bakers bride.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

CoMING.-"Johnny," said a mother
to son nine years old, "go and wash
your face. | am ashamed to see you
coming to dinner with so dirty mouth. :"
81 did wash it, mother" said he, and,
feeling his upper lip, added gravely,
81 think it must be moustache COM
ing"
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

THE SNOW STORM.
Unwarned by any sunset light.
The gray day darkened into night,
A night made hoary with the swarm
And whirl dance of the binding storm,
As zigzag wavering to and fro
Crossed and recrossed the winged snow;
And ere the early bed time came,
The white drift piled the window frame,
And through the glass the clothes line
posts
Looked in like tall and sheeted ghosts.
Whittier.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

lst.--Its simplicity and great
range of work.
2nd,--The reversible feed motion
3d.--The perfect finish and sfn5-
stantial manner in which the
machine is made.
4th.--The rapidity Of its wOkingr
and the quality of work done.
6th.-The seIf-adjusting tension.
The Florence" was awarded the First
and Highest Premium at the State Fair of
California, the only Fair on the Pacific Coast
at which any two double thread Sewing Ma
chimes were exhibited in competition in 1865.
The Florence received the only premium
awarded, by the Mechanics Institute of San
Francisco. in 1864 and 1865, to any Sewing
Machine, Sewing Machine Co., or Agent The
claim of competitor to a medal is without
any foundation whatever.
Wherever the FLORENCE has been brought
in competition with other Sewing Machines
it has always been declared the best. 1t is
the most simple, the most substantial, the
most efficient, and its use is easily learned.
Every Machine sold is guaranteed in the full
sense of the word.
SEND FOR CIRCULARS AND SAMPLES
OF WORK.
SAMUEL HILL. General Agent.
Ill Montgomery St., San Francisco.
C, SCHLU Nd,
Agent, MOk. il
San Francisco, March 24tn, 1866.
(mar24-1y1
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

A BARGAIN.-A Yankee named
Sands threatened to sue for damages in
case of breach of promise of marriage.
He was offered two hundred dollars to
heal his broken heart. "Two hundred!
he exclaimed, "Two hundred dollars for
ruined hopes, blasted life Two hun
dred dollars for all this Never! But
make it three hundred, and it's a bar
gain"
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

A WIDOW lady, sitting by a cheerful
fire, in meditative mood, shortly after
her husbands decease, sighed out,
.Poor man-how be did like good
fire 1 hope be has gone where they
keep good fires"
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

ALBERT EDWARD, says the Court
Journal, is very fond of whist for pound
points. The day after the game one of
the gentlemen in waiting to the Prince
pays or receives the amount lost or
won.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

A YOUNG fellow, fond Of talking, re.
marked, 81 am no prophet" "True,"
replied a lady present; emo profit to
yourself or any one else"
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

To DRAIN LANDs.-Drink whisky
and spend all your time at the village
tavern. This will drain you Of all your
lands in short time.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

The man who undertook to call things
by their right names is now under
treatment at the hospital for contusions
on the head.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
SELECTIONS.

THE NIGHT WIND.
Alone and aloof,
Over the roof,
Hear the tempests swell and roar!
Though no foot is astir,
Though the cat and the cur
Lie doing along the kitchen floor,
There are feet of air
On every stair
Through every hall
Through each gusty door
There's jostle and hustle.
Like the meeting of guests at festival.
II. B. Read.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
WISHES.

wish that friends were always true
And motives always pure,
wish the good were not so few,
wish the bad were fewer;
wish that parsons ne'er forgot
To heed their pious teaching;
wish that practicing was not
So different from preaching.
Sake.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
A Parisian Cat Story,

The story of cat in one Of the con.
vents of the Rue de Sevres is the Paris
town talk just now The friar charged
with the kitchen had noticed for some
time past that dish always disappeared
at dinner time, just after he had divided
dinner into as many dishes as there
were brethren. He scarcely knew how
to account for it. In these days friars
are as skeptical about the Intervention
of Old Nick in the affairs of men as
Bishop Colenso or your Rev. Mr.. AL
geo. So the friar set to work to dis
cover the cause of this wonderful effect
because whatever freaks cheese at GER
tain stages may be guilty of, meat never
walks off from the table. The friar re-
manned in the kitchen one day until the
brethren came for their dishes and upon
the occasion not dish disappeared. He
determined to make this rule, as ie
was evident his presence kept the thief
at distance. But the following day,
while he was keeping watch and ward
over the dinner, the door bell rang and
as it was his duty to open it, he hasten
ed thither. Nobody but, on the other
hand, one dish had disappeared from
the table. The friar was greatly an
noyed; who would not be? A double
trick had been played upon him-a dish
had been stolen, his resolution to keep
watch had been discovered and broken.
Next day the door bell was heard at the
same time, but the friar instead of an
swering it hid in large press whose
door he left ajar that he might see ev-
erything which occurredin the kitchen.
A moment after the bell rang, the cat
of the convent bounced through the
window, leaped on the table, seized the
contents of dish and made out of the
window before the friar could calculate
devil of a cat or anything like Jack
Robinson. The thief was known, but
the friar wished to discover the imper-
tinent bell-ringer, who sent him on a
sleeveless errand to the door. At din
ner time the following day he posted
himself at window which commanded
a view of the door bell. At the proper
time the cat ran to the bell-rope, leaped
up to it, let it go almost as soon as it
clutched it, and scampered off to secure
the unguarded dish. The friar did not
fail to report the proceeding of the cat
to the Father, and it was at once noised
about among the brethren. They
amused themselves with the cats dex-
terity and cunning, and now invite
their friends to witness it. The friar's
cook takes care to prepare an additional
dish for the cats benefit.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
NO MORE.

NO MORE.
This is the Burden of the Heart,
The Burden that it always bore;
We live to love ; we meet to part;
And part to meet on earth no more;
We clasp each other to the heart,
And part to meet on earth no more.
-ForcYthe Wills.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
KEAN's SALOON i!
NEW GUNSMITH SHOP!

NEW GUNSWIIH SHOP!
n. G. HAMER,
WOULD RESPECTFULLY INFO R NJ
w the citizens of Mokelumne Hill and vi
cinity, that he has recently returned from
San Francisco with a complete assortment of
tools pertaining to the Gunsmithing business
and has opened shop on
Main Street, MOkelumne Hill,
Two doors above Lafayette, where he is at
times ready to repair
Guns, Pistols, Pumps, Locks etc.,
At short notice and the best manner.
% Give me a call and be convinced.
Fl. c. HAMER,
Mok. Hill. July 10th, 1866. iy2l:3m
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
UNION
Insurance Company
SAN FRANCISCO,

All Losses Paid in Gold Coin.
DIRECTORS
J. Mora Moss, Benjamin Brewster,
James Otis, James H. Higgin,
VIM. E. Barron, Thomas Fl. Selby,
j. A. Donohoe, Nicholas Lunning,
James C. Conroy. John Parrot,
Peter II. Burnett, ]. Underhill,
Moses Hellor, NJ. D. Sweeny,
L. Maynard. Moses Ellis,
Jacob Scholle, James Phelan.
Charles L. Low. Gus. Touchard,
c. Christensen. Michael Castle,
Joseph Seller, Nicholas Lance.
l.. H. Allen, NG. Kittle.
Alfred Borel, VIM. C. Talbot.
7. 1. Emmet, Patrick McAron.
]. Y. Hallock, George C. johnson,
Caleb T. Fay. JIG. Kittle.
CALEB T. FAY, Pres't.
CHAs; {; HAVEN, Sec'y.
L. k. WILSON, Ag't Mok. Hill. Tdc2tf.
IOB PRINTING EXECI1TED WITH
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
PHENIX HOTEL.

PHENIX HOTEL.
Campo Seco, Calaveras County.
JOHN C.. SYMES. Proprietor.
"HIS OLD AND WELL KNOWN ES-
lishment is now open for the reception
Of guests. The best of Wines and Cigars,
constantly on hand.
A LIVERY STABLE
Isconneeted with the House, where the best
of horses and carriages can always be found
Campo Seco, November 18th, 1862. no l5t
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
THE LOST POCKET BOOK.

BY EMMA GARRISON JONES.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30

lob PRINTING EXECUTED WITH
u neatness and dispatch at this Office.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1867-03-30
REASONS.

HIGHEST PREMIUM. GOLD MEDAL.
The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-10-18
EVANSVILLE DAILY JOURNAL FRIDAY. OCTOBER 49, 1857

A clergyman was one talking
with his landlord, a Uniyersalist, on
| the personality of the devil. A little
incredulous the gentleman remarked
= | should like to see the devil !" -
CAM you wait, my good fellow"
was the quiet reply liz - .est;'ti
AN editor wrote leading article on
the fair sex, in the course Ofwhieh he
said: Girls. of seventeen or eighteen
are fond of beaus. When the paper
was issued, he was rather shocked to
discover; an unfortunate Topographic
cal error had made him say "Girls
of seventeen or eighteen are fond of
beonsf"
A COUPLE. of neighbors became so
inimical that they would not speak to
each other; but one having been con-
verified at a camp meeting, on seeing
his former en- envy, held cut his hand,
saying. How dye do, Kemp? / am
humble enough to shake hands with
a dog iiis'- - ia'- si E
SPEAKING Of home runs-that was
an earnest prayer offered by young
deacon, who, fresh from a game Of
base bal, stepped into the weekly
prayer meeting. He was called upon
to pray, and in winding up his inve-
cation, said no, Lord, as we start
for a home run to glory, don't let us
by the devil be caught on the fyP q
AS AN old woman was lately walk
ing through 9 one of the streets of
Paris, at midnight, a patrol called out:
Who's there?'
1T is |, PATROL" she replied, don't
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-07-20
For the Girls How to get aHusband.

Forthe Girls How to get a-Husband.
 From an excellent communication pub lishedin the Columbus Mississippi Index of June Sth, we copy the following "ex- pressly for the girls:
 Benig old and therefore allowed license for teasing tic gitis oh matrimonial sub jects, consult 'thdih about their future prospects often and find that opinion obtains with them, that the young men were never so slow in proposing as in these days; which we must admit gives them good, not to say, allpowerful reason for not taking a husband Now young ladies, the whole secret with nine tenths of you, of not being able to get off your parents hands, is simply this You can't work. You don't know to keep house. You can't make pair ofbreeches You can't tell for the life of you the diff ference between bran and shorts or which COW gives the buttermilk. The young men generally came out of the war with the skin Of :lieir teeth, with no fortune, I might say, but their wardrobes of gray and their canteens, and to marry with them now, rest assured, relates more to making living with the assistance of loving n- dustrious help mate than indulging in opera music, moonshine and poetry. Do you know what thcy say of one of your but terHy young ladies who has held them in the parlor engaged by the hour listening to the elegant nothingsy" Nineteen times out of twenty is this--Well she is all right for an evening entertain ment, but she will not make good wife 7
 There is no possible objection to the ac- complishments of music painting and the like, as such, but the idea is to be able to set these parlor amusements aside for the period when the stern duties of married life call for your practical knowledge Show the young men that you can do your part of double business; that you can cook a meals victuals on a pinch; that you can sweep up, and dust, and darn old stockings and save penny to@sra an accumulated pound; that you will not De dead expense to hfth through life. Believe me young friends, as many trde heroic hearts beat over Household duties as Autter beneath the soft light of porlor chandelier. Your kiss is just as sweet, your smiles just as bright, your heart us happy and tender after a days exertion in sphere worthy of true womanhood, as in places of dissipa- ton. frippery and silly amusement. Have an ambition to do your part in life; culti;. vate industrial habits, and let the parlor accomplishments go with the higher ac- cornplishments have rtughy cnumer- ated. Iris astonishing how soon domes- tic young lady is found out and apprecia- ted. R.is because she is such rare cx- ceptioh to the general rnh.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-07-20

wicked men have ruled and still rule !; and I believe Wicked 'fiich have been chosen to rule only because they have made political issues to foment popu- lar passions, and have suited their conduct and opinions to the popular passions so fomcnted.
 These 'fibtes are therefore given to the public, claiming no title to consid- erati5h, except that they are written, not to please that public, pttt to aid in arresting the furtherpfogress of rev. olution which has 'beah so prolific of ruin in thc past, and which is so fear fully Ipreghakt'of fiiih for the future. It 'fhay be that flo 'inan--no human po~cr- -can arrest this revolution. It may be that a change of government, through an ordeal of anarchy, is inevi- table; but this much eTery man can do--he can see to it that. if this de- struction must come, it shall not owe its coming to his consettt. 1.-the Con- stitution must be violated, it shall not be by him. If tho Government must be subvertcd, it shall be the work of others. This, therefore, patriotic read CT, is all the promise l exact-in ad- vance; that, whatever others may do, you will support the Constitution, and oppose whatcvcris contrary thereto :: for, mark this, whatever else people and rulers 'thay 'tt, Ylicy cannot sup port'br preserve the Government by violating it's fundamental law.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-07-20

Advertisers by the year will be restricted to their legitimate business. el
 Personal communications charged double.
 Legal advertisements will be charged, for one square or less. first insertion $1. and 7o cents per square for each hiditi2nal inserlcnl
 Advertisements not ordered for a specified time, will be inserted till forbidden, and charged for accordingly
 All advertising due sfIers second ipsertias.
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-07-20

AN INTOXICATING GLASS Who is that lovely girl ? observed the waggish Lord Norbury, riding in company with his friend. n ga.s,sl asss
 { Miss Glass, replied the barrister.
 Glass ? reiterated iacetious jadg6; by the love which man bears to woman, I should often bo intoxicated could I place such Glass to my Lips
Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-07-20
The Angel Gabriel,

My friend Major C., had an old dar- key to whom he Was much aNtachesf. One evening, at a party, Peter. from imbibing too freely ofvarious mixtures began dancing round with waiter containing some ice and cakes, and soon became uproarious. Observing his conduct, the Major publicly repri- handed him, and at once dismissed him from the post of waiter for the evening, and appointed another in his place. This last stroke was too much for old Peter. and he retired to his bed room in despair. That night Capt. K, jolly young officer in the room ad- joining Peters, hearing sobs and grdans in the next room, rose to inquire What was the matter. He opened the door of Peycrs room and retonnoitred.
 Peter was kheeling by window and pfaying.. Amid his loud cries the captain heard the following
 "Oh Lord, have pity Hponn yoir 1le sarvant. His massa, who he used 10 take upon his knees when hc was d Boy, is vcxed with his poor ole aarky, and don't ~aht to live any longer. 0, dear Lord, please send the angels for old Peter. Just send the angel Ga. bricl, this minute, down to take old Peter to Abraham B bosoYn, Please, Lord, this infinite am ready to go."
 Capt. K, eNcr ready for fun, imnic- ,liattiS seized upon white counter pahe, ehteioping himself in it, rappcd three times at Peters door
 "whos dar r eArlaiiAet pctef,
 "The angel Gabriel; Ssoihe to takS ole Peter to father Abrahati,s s bosom !" re- piled Capt. N, ih sepdlchral tone.
 ODe who, massa?s carefully asked the suppliant.
 "Old Peter!" sr ss, /.
 We'll, I'll just tell you, massa, dat niggcr don't live here. l don't know him at all ?'
 Capt. K. rushed back to the compa- ny convulscd with laughter, and old Peter relates to this day the wonderful ahswer to his prayer.