The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1867-09-04

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Emerson finely says: THE poor are only
they who feel poor, and poverty consists only
in feeling poor
An exchange tells how to remove suckers
from corn. Can it tell how to remove them
from the juice OF Ito Crosse Democrat.
On reading that the milk Of an irritated
COW soon gets sour, Quilp remarked that his
landlady's COW must be in continual passion.
A firm faith is the best theology; good
life the best philosophy clear conscience
the best law honesty the best policy; and
temperance the best physic
How we'll he plays for one so young!
said Mrs. Partington as the organ-boy per-
formed with monkey near the door 'and
how much his little brother looks like him,
to be sure ?
Blushing is a sign that something of the
angel is lift ia woman, beautiful to the eye
and bespeaking the inward purity Of the heart.
When woman ceases to blush she has lost
her greatest charm.
You have played the duce with my heart,
said gentleman to a lady who was his part.
ner IN game Of whist We'll, replied the
lady with an arch smile, 'itwas because you
played the knaye.'
"Johnny," said little three year old sister
to an elder brother Of six-"J ohnny, why
can't We sec the sun go back where it rises 7"
"Why, sis, you little goosey, because it would
be. ashamed to be seen going down east"
Why do you show favors to your enemies
instead Of destroying them p said chieftain
to the Emperor Sigismund. DO I not des-
troy my enemies by making themmy friends?
was the EmperorTs noble reply.
A suspicious clink was heard from the
garments of suspicious female at a recent
pic mic near Gotham, and on investigation by
q blushing Fenian. it was found that she had
been stealing lager beer glasses. She had
them strung round her garters.
Ladies walk on their toes at seventeen,
their heels at thirty and on their whole foot
ut forty Eve. At each period they exhibit a
uniform capacity to walk into somebody s
nurse for support. So says the rascally Hob
bes.
"See here !" exclaimed a returned IRISH SOL
dicr to a gaping crowd as he exhibited with
some pride his tall hat with a bullet hole in
it. '.Look at that hole, will you? You see
if it had been low crowned hat L should
have been killed outright"
A travelling English marquis, in the course
of the agrand tour" arrived at Berlin, weary
of lionizing. When he went to bed at the
close of his first days residence he exclaimed,
"Thank Heaven, [ have come toaplace where
there is nothing worth seeing"
Under the head of Positively the last Of
the Long Skirts this Season. Punch gives
the following:
,itHostess: Oh, how tiresome Somebody
must be standing on my dress Would you
just run down and see who it is, Mr.. Brown z"
A abig sister" teaching her little brother
mental arithmetic, said "Now, Charles, sup
pose YOU have twenty sugar plums, and you
want to divide them into four parts. You
give baby FIVE and me FIVE, what would you
do with the other ten? Suck EN-, was the
reply.
aSometime since," says DR.. Payson in a
letter to young clergyman, 81 took up lit
tic work purporting to be the lives Of sun
dry characters as related by themselves. Two
of those characters agreed in rcmarkiug that
t:ey were never happy until they ceased striy-
i1g to be great men,"
A fellow that thought himself very clever,
one day showing off walking stick that he
had made, was asked whether he had made
it himself, when he answered, eyes. and out
Of my own head, too" Upon which a wag
replied, Eyes, and got wood enough to make
another.
There were some amusing scenes at the
polls in Nashville on election day. One new
born freedman presented his marriage license
instead of registration certificate. Another
brought his wife with him to the ballot-box.
She can't VOTE" said he. 'sbut Dress God,
fotch her along to see that l kin, by golly."
Little Alice found out an ingenious way Of
getting to bed in hurry The crib in which
shc slept was so low that, by placing one foot
on the inside, and taking hold of the post,
she could easily spring in. Mama, said
she to her mother, one evening, do you
know how [ get to bed quick ? NO. was the
reply We'll, said she in great glee. 4
step one foot over the crib, then say rats,
and scare myself right in
The venerable DIR. Strong, Of Hartford
presiding for one year in the general associa-
ton of Connecticut, called ppon ministe-
rial brother as follows:
"Brother Cotton, of Bolton, will you step
this way and pray p
Brother Cotton rose to his feet and very sol
enniy replied:
asly dear brother Strong, you do very
wrong 10 be making rhyme at this solemn
time"