Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1867-09-20

lie WHO never changes any Of his
opinions, never corrects any of his mis-
takes.
A good kick out of doors is, to some,
better than all the rich uncles In the
world.
"A young lady, while on her way to bc
married, was run over and killed. A
confirmed old maid savagely remarked,
!" she had avoided more lingering aud
horrible destiny"
A little boy in Portland told his ia
ther he was fool. On being repri-
mandcd by his mother and required to
say he was sorry, he ran to the insulted
parent and exclaimed, Papa, I'm sor-
ry you's fool.
A certain cockney. overcome by his
sensibilities, tainted at the grave Of his
with him? asked perplexed friend
of his. !" Let him alone,n said wag-
gish -stander, "he'll soon rc-wive.n
A witness being called to give evil
dence In a court in Connecticut respect
ing the loss ofa shirt, gave the follow
q Mother said that Ruth said, that
Nell said, that Poll told her, that she
see man that see a boys shirt all
checker, checker, checker; and our
gals won't lie, for mother has whipped
them thousand times for lying
Senator Wilson of Massachusetts, re-
Gently made speech In Saratoga I'm
which he said: :" look upon Mr..
Johnson rs look upon Bull Run. IL
was great lesson to the country. An
drew Johnson stands right there, and
every time he undertakes to do any
thing against the cause of liberty and
justice the country rallies and goes
further than 1t ever would have gone
before.n
A lady who has recently returned
from a. Southern tour, reports the fol-
lowing incident of her personal exper-
ience:
Passing, one day, a negro sitting on a
post, In the broiling sun, with his legs
comfortably crossed, she accosted him
thus: "Well how arc you getting
along since you obtained your freedom"
"Oh, nicely" was the almost stimuli
taneous reply, What are you doing?"
she again asked, "Nottin' at do pres
period of time.n "Oh,n rejoined tho
negro. II don't speak for dc tong, I
speak for de present time"
A young man belonging in this city,
who took II trip to New York while
ago, accidentally exchanged valiscs
with clerical gentleman. who occupi-
ed the same seat with him, and the
minister disappeared before the fact was
discovered. For the purpose OF ascer-
tanning who he was, the young man
broke open the strange valise. He
found q variety of things, such as corn
salve, several pairs of shoes, bottle of
whiskey, aud last OF all two sermons,
but no name. Tho result of his explor
| ations was amusing Ii not satisfactory;
and the next day the minister, who
had gone through our friends valiso
with better luck for his Identification,
sought him out, returned his property
and blushingly carried awuy his own.
--Sprinattetd Republican.
Some time ago, Laura Keene, tho ac-
tress, who, will be remembered ran to-
the Presidents box Immediately after
Booths fatal shot, and supported Lin
coins head, went to Springfield, ILL.,,
and visited tho homestead. She carried
with her the very dress she wore on
that eventful night with the stains OF
the Presidents blood upon 1t, and cut
ting out q piece, presented 1t To Mrs.
House, In Its little glass frame, with
Laura Keene's autograph beneath it,
and the words, 1.-THE blood of tho mar
tyFcd Piesidentn above--a fragment of
! light lowered barege, discolored by the
fearful stain OF murder. VividIy indeed
do such sad relics--though really unim-
portant they may be--vividly do they
4 recall tho incidents of the never-to-be-
forgotten tragedy of that Good Friday
night of 1865.
Mr.. Chaplin, the most popular Uni-
versalist preacher OF his day, now re-
ceives salary only exceeded by one
preacher on tho continent. Henry
Ward Bcecher is paid $i2,500, while
Mr.. Chopin receives SO, 900. Thissum
Is very large one when IL Is viewed rs
the price of two showy sermons per
woek--whose only object seems to bo
the letting off ofa series of rhetorical
fireworks. Tn addition to this lordly
income Mr.. Chaplin clears several thou.
sand. dollars every season by lecturing.
Now, TO show the difference In tho lot
OF maHkind, we may point by way Of
contrast to the editorial class. These
men, each of whom does In q single day
as much work as the other man does
In three, and who have little or no vo-
cation, are paid In the most meagre
manner, and we know Of but one edi-
tor unless IL Is among those who are
also propIietors who receives half that
sum--and that man IL the controlling
mind Of the Herald.
Tho business of the court was draw
ing to close, when ono morning n
rough sort of customer was arraigned
on charge of stealing.
After the clerk had read the indict-
ment to him, he put the question,
Guilty, or not guilt?
Guilty, but drunk, your honor, ans,
wered the prisoner.
What's the plea? asked the Judge,
half dozing on the bench.
/ He pleads guilty, but says he was
drunk replied the clerk.
| What's the case?
May 10 please your honor, said tho
prosecuting attorney the man Is regu-
Iarly indicted for stealing large sum
i OF money, from Mr.. Christopher Stcr-
rett, OF the Columbus Hotel.
He is, heyl and pleads
| He pleads gully and drunk.
The Judge was now fully aroused.--
Guilty, but drunk-that Is n most ex-
traordinary plea. Young man, are you
certain you We're drunk9
Yes sir.
Where did you get the liquor?
/ At Sterrett's.
Did you get none any where else ?
Not drop.
You got drunk on his liquor, and thcn
stole the money?
Yes, sir.
Mr.. Prosooutor, said the Judge, do
me the favor TO enter in that mans
case noHe pr0oQclli That liquor at
Sterrett's Is Just enough TO make any
man rob his father. got drunk on it
myself the other day, and stole Ster-
rett's spoons. Mr.. Sheriff please r0-
lnnoa tta rriaaunr Adinuru fila