The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-08-30
gnistelIaneons Selections,
DEAF WEE AND DEAF AUNT.

l had an aunt coming TO visit me for the
first time since my marriage, and l don't
know what evil genius it was that prompted
the wickedness that perpetrated upon my
wife and ancient relative.
"My DEAR said / to my wife, on the day
before my aunt's arrival, "you know Aunt
Mary is coming tomorrow well forgot to
n 'ention a very annoying Circumstance in
rees'td to her. She is very deaf, and,
although she can hear my voice, to which
She is accustomed, in its ordinary tones, yet
YOU will be obliged to speak extremely loud
in order TO be heard. 1t will be rather In
convenient, but l know you will do every
thing in your power TO make her stay agree
able.
as well as any person know OF; tGid MN
to be at my house. at six O'Clock the next
evening. and 1 felt comparatively happy.
| went to the railroad depot, with a
carriage the next night and on my way
home with my aunt, | said:
"My dear aunt there is one rather an
moving infirmity that Anna (my wife) has,
which | forgot TO mention before. She
verv deaf, and although she eau hear my
voice. TO which she is accustomed, in its
ordinary tones, yet you will have to speak
extremely loud in order to be heard. am
very sorry she is 50"
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her heart,
protested that she rather liked speaking
loud, aud to do so would giye her much
pleasure. Es
The carriage drove upon the steps was
nv wife-in the window was John =,
with face as solemn as though he had
buried all his relations that afternoon.
| l handed out my aunt-she assembled tue
steps. -,
INV wife. The policeman on the opposite
sidewalk started, and my aunt nearly fell
down the steps. M,
Kiss me, my dear, howled my aunt. The
hall lamp clattered, and the window shook
as with fever and ague. l looked at the
window-John had disappeared. | Foked
NV head into the carriage and went INTO
strong convulsons.
When went into the parlor, my wife was
helpine Aunt Mary take off her hat and
cape and there sat John with his long face
of woe.
/ Suddenly .,
"Did YOU have pleasant journey" went
off mg wife like a pistol, and John nearly
Jumped to his feet.
sRsther dusty" was the response in 9
J war hoop, and SO the conversation continued
The neighbors, for blocks around mus,
have heard IT, When l was in the thirc
story I heard every word plainly.
ii During the evening my aunt said to me
|tGHow loud your wife speaks-don't 1t hur
her?" A II ao.f noo,,ls sno,,
,onlI,. and that my wife being used TO II
tUuoiy, wos Sot affected by the exertion, and tina
%as 80 NJ IL was getting along hnely =,
| in WhlSDpr.
PRESENTLY fqud your aunt talks.
AI, " now very ~ :, all deaf people do. 1o'
i e, said 'eely; She hears ever.
word you say" did
And | rather think she st heino under
Elated at their success ,sr and tong.
stood, they went at it hamm &. 20 rattle
till everything on the mautlepI crox
again, and l was seriously afraid OF y. IN
collecting in front of the house. l.
end was near. My aunt being of an - =
vestigating turn of mind, was desirous
finding out whether the exertion of talkinl
SO loud was not injurious to my wife. So
Doesn't talking in so loud tone strain
your luDgs?" she asked in au unearthly
tone, for her voice was not as musical as
when she was young.
at is quite an exertion," shrieked my
wife
Then why do you do it?" was the an
Iswering scream.
"Because-because you can't hear if
don't"
''What?" My aunt fairly rivaled rail-
road whistle.
l began to think it time to evacuate the
premises and looking around aud seeing
John gone, stepped into the next room.
There he lay flat on his back, rolling from
side TO side, with fists, poked into his ribs,
and a most agonizing expression of cOun-
tenance, but not uttering a sound.
| Immediately and Involuntary assumed
a similar attitude, and l think that from the
relative position of our boots and heads and
our attempt to restrain our laughter,
apoplexy must have ensued, if horrible
groan from John, to which he gave vent in
his endeavors to suppress his visibility, had
not betrayed our hiding place.
In rushed my wife and my aunt who by
this time comprehended the joke, and such
a scoldiug as | then got never got before
and hope never to get again.
l know not what would have been the
end, if John, in his endeaYors 10 be respect
ful and sympathetic, had not given vent to
such diabolical noise, something between a
horse laugh and a groan, that all gravity
was upset, and we screamed in concert.
They have patriarch in Taunton
Mass, who says that he once raised a
flock of wild ducks from pond, when
he took aim at them with his gun and
fred. They few away with much clam
or, and, surprised to find that none of
} them dropped, he examined the field of
battle. He picked up four bushels OF
legs. There is touch of pathos in the
q LII mania ,,nina ns hn odds sI fred Ton