Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-03-22
alunlorpns.

itN II uhft u ciAeIiG 10 QWGll ins
IT was a maxim of Euripides either to
keep silence, or to speak something better
than silence
A HORSE dealer describing a used up
horse, said he looked ''as if he had been ed
iting country newspaper.
JosErn WiNEEilEYER, worth half million
of dollars, died in St. Louis on Tuesday He
left all his wealth to his wife, with the excep-
ton Of one dollar to each OF his six children
They viii care for mother now.
NAN met a big Indian on the plains few
weeks ago. The gentle savage had large
bundle of scalps, and the white man made
bold to ask him what he had been doing.
'Heugh 7! SAID the noble red man, "me been
skirmishing for waterfallsn'
A COUNTRY fellow came 20 the city to see
his intended wife, and for long time could
think of nothing to say. At last great snow
falling he took occasion to tell her that all his
fathers sheep would be undone.
''Well, said she, kindly taking him by the
hand, "Fll keep one of them.
SMITH as led Brown what the high price of
butter was owing to. "a considerable part Of
it is owing to my grocer" said Brown. "for
it's two months since Ipaid him.
A scHooIAlAsrER tells the following good
one II was teaching in quiet country vii
liage; the second morning of my session
had time to survey my surroundings aud
among the scanty furniture I espied a three
legged stool rs this the Ounce block ?'' 1
asked little girl of five. The dark eyes
sparkled- the eurls nodded ascent, and the
lips rippled out, II guess so the teacher al
ways sits on it
A PAPER gives the following reasons for net
publishing poetic eausion The rhythm
sounds like pumpkins rolling over barn
floor, while some lines appear to have been
measered with yard stick, and others with
ten foot pole.
\ LAND Spectator. in describing a lake on
an estate in Putnam county, New York, says
it is so clear and so deep, that by looking into
it you can see them making tea in China.
A LADY once asked the Able de Matiguon
how old he was ''Why, l am only thirty
two, said he, but | count myself thirty
three, because a little boy was born a year
before l was and died, evidently keeping me
back a whole year by accident.
An Irishman on hearing of friend hav-
ing a stone coliin made for himself, exelaim-
ed, BE me soul, and that's good idee.
Sure and stone coffin I'D last mans life
time
4 Doc, which had lost the whole Of her in
teresting family, was seen trying to poke
piece of Grape through the handle Of the
door Of a sausage shop in Rochester, the
other day
DRYDEN was 50 fond of reading that his
wife one day exclaimed: II wish we're a
book that might be in your society" Il
wish you were an almanac he replied, so
that could change every year.
Is joyial company, each one asked a
question. If it was answered he paid q for
felt or if he could not answer it himself, he
paid forfeit An Irishman's question was,
How does the little ground squirrel dig his
hole without showing any dirt about the en-
trance - When they gave it up Pat said
"Shure don't you see, he begins at the other
end Of the hole" One of the rest exclaim-
ed But how does he get there - "Ah"
said Pat, that your question-con YOU an
swer it yourself?''
A YOUNG man just from Auburn prison
says he has lost all admiration for auburn
locks.
PEER INTO THE FUrURE.-A cotemporary
turning his usage to the future and in the
misty distance of two hundred years, sees
and describes the following -
Sceue-House of citizen in New York.
Time-A. .. 20G5. A telegraph message has
been sent to a servant, who presents himself
at a window in a balloon.
Master-John go to South America, and
tell Mr.. johnson that I shall be happy to
have him sup with me this evening. Never
mind your coat, go right away.
In FIVE minutes John returns.
John-Mr johnson says he will come he
is obliged to 90 to the North Pole for mo-
ment, and will call here as he comes back. /
Master-Yery well John. Now you may
wind up the machine for setting the table,
and telegraph to my wife that Mr.. johnson
will be here presently. After that, John, you
may dust out the ballon | have an appoint
ment in London at ten O'Clock.
John disappears to execute these orders,
while his master steps down to the West In
dies to get fresh orange.
\ sharp ola gentleman travelling out West
got seat beside his wife in a crowded ear by
the young man who sat by her to
''please watch that woman while he went in
to another car, as she had fits !"
THEY tell Of an old farmer who while in
town one day was asked the best time to put
in rye. cts about the best time now, said
the old fellow, looking at his watch, "and if
you've got any postal currency about you I'll
go aud show yoa how tits done"
"CHARLIE, my dear, said loving mother
to a hopeful son. just budded into breeches,
"Charlie, my dear, come here and get some
candy " II Guess won't mind II nov moth /