The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1867-02-21
NY SCHOOLS AND SCHOLARSHIPS
Sir Hugh Evans 0utdone--Dogberry
Distsnosd, e..
Prom tIe St. Geneyieve, Mo-. Representative.

Distaneed. II
Prom tRe St. Genevieve, No. Representative.
The rural districts develop some odd and
rare characters Profound ignogaoce Is |
sometimes to be pited. while at other times
il assumes such a grotesque and ludicrous
character that it would excite the merrl-
ment of old Cerebus himself.
We have lately come into possession OF
the facts of case which trrnspifed some
where in Southeast Missouri that ;AEe TOO
good to 20 unchrouicled.
A certain ''knigut Of the Birchen Rod,
wishing TO obtain certificate as school
teacher, as required by the General Statutes
Of Missouri, called upon the Superintendent
Of Public Schools, not long since, wbap the |
following dialogue took place
Morning Mr.. superintendent.
Good morning, sir take chair.
''You see, Mister, Pm sclIoolin' it out
in my settlement. and have beeu fur risIn' i
fifteen year, and want g stificate to keep
: a doin'.'
''An right, sir; am ready to grant the
certificate, bat before doing so | must ex-
anime you as to your competency
''Now look here, faint no use fur to
famine me, fur as said afore, Ive been
schoolin' it risin fifteen years
Yes, sir that may all be, but the law
requires me to examine you before Issuing
the certificate, aud must do my duty"
''Taint no use--I never WAS zamined in
this way and have heap of stitiicates,
and can fetch them in to you"
Never mind the certificates you must
be examined as to your qualifications, or
the certificate cannot issue"
''Wel--but its nary bit of use. | have
i been
Never mind that what branches do
you teach in your school p
4 80, readin, spelin', writin' and figger-
in'
lis that all 2''
Yes the folks out thar don't want any
thing else. They're down on high school
in"
Don't you teach grammar ?''
80. no the folks are down on grammar
larniu'"
Don't some of your scholars want to
study grammar p
: Nary one But five year ago one Of
Q old man Beinhill's gals tuck notion to
! study grammar but in bout two weeks she
gin it up"
''Well, il is neccssary that YOU, as 8
t teacher, should have some knowledge Of
. grammar, and must examine you il that
branch
: "Well, nov that's no uye-the folks
. don't want that kind Of i&ruiu'."
Very likely But can you tell ne how
many parts Of speech there are p
"Well, now let me ses I'll declare it
has slipped my memory, | dou't cot re col
: iect. But anyhow, grammar is super flew
J GUS"
S Cant you give guess %
: "Well | should say about two ,"
e That won't do; guess again. -
well, at turdest, should say four"
''Are you sure p
S ''Well, as near as | can re-colect, it
n .pought be and it moughtent"
+ Now, sir; tell me what is English
: grammar /"
Gas near as can recoiIect,ity .mallish
book, bout so long (measuring with his
hand aud bout half An inch thick
did you ever seek Kirkham or Pinney?'
''No, sir they never lived in our settle
, nlent."
q DO you know anything about Bullion or
: Smith p
e %, yes Eve hearn tell heap # "0ld
e Bullion but never saw him | voted for
4 him onct, but be took the Abolition chute
( afterwards, and | was pow erful sorry yo-
ted fur him AS fur Smith, hs lives across
: the run, bout two miles from my house.
HE boys go to school to me"
: Very well what is Geography p
: Don't use any in my school, but if
: don't disfenember, seed some in town.
and they're bout the size of CHUNK of q
e shingIe.'
e Which is the largest river in the
a world ?"
# "The mississippi, Of course
d what is the shape Of the earth ?"
o ''WeIl, III our region it's right smart bill
/ y, but further down It's dat aud swamp
(Which is the highest mountain in the
: world %
pilot knob
! Very we'll Now, sir you say chat in
= your school you only teach spelling reading,
4 writing aD,29A#ithmetic.
!, ''No, SIT didn't say learned 'em
u 'rsthmetic | only learns en- realm, spell
1 line writin' aud fggerin."
If ''Exactly, now, after your scholars ha We
$ goue through the spelling books and read
+, ers, what do you do then ~
/ Il turns em back"
0 SO you keep them at she same books all
, the time p u
), 'Yes, sir there's nothiu' like Iayiu' the
j. foundation well, aud turns 'en back till
Is they finishes their Schoolin'.'
e Just SO. Now, sir, it seems to me that
r. you are a little rusty in GONE of the
IS branches, aud before can give you a GER
Q tifcate you must study little aud become
! better posted
r Now don't see as | can, for I've got 9
power o. work on hand, and the old woman
has risin' on her finger, and John has a
! bealin' on his left foot which gives me
morn | can see to. Besides. the people
e don't want that kind of teachiu'y and il
:, would be a mighty pity to keep the chill
= dren out Of school now, for they re most
S uncommon bad off fur schoolin'
Very WE'LL will take the matter under
+ advisement, and you can call again in ten
: days
, So the native educator departed not al
together disconsoate. Tie Originality of
the answers Of this pedagogue eclipse
c SbasspcaFeE celebrated Sir Hugh Evans
who 'snet false Latin and oYertops the
e grandioqueut nonsense displayed IN the
C high court Of mir. Justice Dogberry.
Taxes on Banks.
The banks Of the United States paid into
the Treasury during the fiscal year ending
z /