Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-11-15


80 wrapped up in her baby that she wouldn't
have taken SIX hundred thousand dollars for
it.
\ PRovINcE boy, five years of age, having
stolen can of milk, his mother took HIM to
task, with moral suasion, and wound up her
discourse by exclaiming ''What in theworld
were you going to do with the milk anyhow
g was going to steal little dog to drink It, "
was the crushing reply.
A HANDSOME young widow applied 70
physician to deliver her of three distressing
complaints.
IN the first place, said she, - have little
or no appetite; what shall take for that ~
. Air and exercise, madam.
And, Doctor, am quite idgety at night
time, and afraid to be abed alone what shall
take for that?"
"a husband, madam"
:. Fie! Doctor But have the blues ter
ribly what shall / take for that p
Take a newspaper, madam" replied the
Doctor.
A WAC entered a grocer's shop some years
ago, which had for its sign The Two Ba-
boons.n and, addressing himself to the pro-
prietor, said, 81 wish to see your partner
q have no partner, sir" g / beg your
pardon, sir, and hope you win excuse the
mistake 80, there no harm done but
what made you think there we're two Of US r.
% Your sign he replied, go The Two Ba-
boons.
CoRREcr OLD LADY" When goes a
/ shoppin'." said an old lady, alters ask
for what l wants, and if they have it, and it's
suitable, and feel inclined to buy it, and it's
cheap, aud can't be got for less, most alters
takes it without chapperirg about it all day,
as some people do"
A GENTLEMAN, giving lecture to some boys
was explaining how no one could live without
air. He then said, You have all heard of
a man drowning-how does that happen ?''
| The ready answer was, cause he can't
swim
AN AUNr-1c11MAx. - Husband - Well,
Mary, your aunt Tabitha's gone at last, poor
soul. .''-Wife-' Poor thing of course you IL
90 to the funeral George, as a mark of re,
speet, besides, the scarf and hat-band win
make up for baby.
RABBI Joshua once met boy who carried
something in a covered vessel. Ny boy, .
said the Rabbi, "what have you in your COW
cred vessel?' 4" 1t was intended for you to
know, replied the boy, "it would not be
covered.
| A CORRESPONDENT writes to ask if the brow
ofa hill ever becomes wrinkled? The only
information we can give him on that point is,
that we have often seen it furrowed.
JOKE by a gentleman recently from Nine
veh The greatest country in the world for
ninnies is Africa. There you take your pick
O. ninnies.
| THERE is an old Oxford story about Uni
versity official who had attended the Universi-
ty sermons for forty years, and who used to
thank God that he remained a Christian still.
WHEx Haddock's wife kicked him out of
bed, said he, Look here now you had bet.
ter not do that again; if you do it viii cause
a eoIdness in the family"
Why was Desdemona the most discomfort
ed Of all women2 Because the moor she had
the moor she wanted.
CoN.-Why was the whal that swallowed
Jonah ike retired milIman? Because he
got profit (prophetl out of the water.
The first day little boy went to school the
teacher asked him if he could spell. Eyes,
sir" "Well, how do you spell boy ~ "oh,
just as other folks do.
BRIGHAM calls it "blaphemous twaddler if
any of his wives suggest there are too many of
them.
II a man makes you keep your distance, the
comfort is, he keeps his at the same time.
ADAxGERoUs cbaracter-A man who ''takes
life " eheerfplly.
; WHY is iron some times ike band of rob
bers? Because it is united to steel.
WHEN sportsman fires into a covey Of
: partridges be makes them all quail.
WHICH is the Oldest tree in the world? The
elder, Of course
The most difficult feature, to the sketcher
, in penciling Rebekah at the well, ia drawing
water.
We see" said Swift in one of his most
} sarcastic moods, "How little God thinks of
riches by The people he gives them to-
WHAT is that from which if you take the
whole away, there viii be some left? Whole
some.
T R. sPEER, NJ D., and
u A. NJ. sPEEB, NJ. D.,
Having associated themselves together in the
practice Of Medicine and Surgery, respeetfuIIv
offer their services 10 the public; the former in
the various branches of the profession; the latter
more particularly in the treatment Of the
DISEASES OF THE EYE AND EAR.
DR.. A. M. SPEER having availed himselfdur
ing the last fifteen years Of the advantages afford
e Cd hu he karA IL