Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1867-09-18
STOCK TRANSACTIONS.
~tRr,osrxp DAILY BY n n. Lace. sAsxER
The josh Billings Papers

If yu want tew buy repentance at the
highest market price, invest in tite boots.
had rather boa receiver Of stolen
goods than the keeper Of other folks
sekrets.
Everybody ought tew be obliged tew
rite his own spitaf, and then if he filled
the bill while livin, have his tombstnn
indorsed with it after he wuz dead.
New York IL red hot awl the time for
the latest news. If Ball l. Black should
suspend, not business, but a pigs tail
in n Of their show windows, at least
fifty thousand would gaze at it the first
day, and long for one of the brussels
tew carry home and show tew their
wives.
Rats originally cum from Norway.
suppose this accounts for their FASHION
to knaw away so much.
l never knew a handsum woman en-
gagged in the "women's rights" BUSH
ness-they' can play the kards they al
reddy hold to better advantage.
True happiness seems tew consist in
being filled with wants and passions on
milk diet. Instinct tells the animals
now tew supply their wants, and that in
all reazon kan do for humans. When
day breaks the asset, are alwus light.
After awl the philosophy ! kan kram
up I sumtimes git Disguised with life
it seems tew be but an uncertain wick
tory over base passions that even n mule
don't have.
Men are perfektly delighted in being
cheated, until they discover the way the
thing IL did, and then they are disgust
ed, not with the fraud, but the loss nov
city.
1t is u, kurions fakt that with a
world full NV pleasure, our principal en-
joyment is in hope.
Thare IL only one modification THAT
| ken remember now in being rich, aud
that il you ar lattered before yure face
aud abused behind it.
have alwus konsidered abstract dogs
a good thing, but | never could fully
appreciate the utter necessity Of keep
ing u woodcock dog in II thickly settled
City exclusively on porter-house steak,
when there want II woodcock within
230 miles ov me but there is plenty ov
folks who ken, which shows how little
I know.
am loudly in favor of new things,
but | am opposed to eny man, even ov
our colored associates, thinking he has
discovered a new truth just bekauze he
haz, for the fust time in biz life, STUN
bled onto an old one.
should be ashamed OF miself tew soy
a harsh word against that noble animal,
the boss; but | haven't been able tew
see that it IL best tew let the breed ov
mankind run cut jist for the sake ov
getting q boss that can trot in 2:lG.
| have noticed that those persons who
have tho keenest sense nv misery have
also the brightest visions ov joy, bu,
there il sum folks whom wen molasses
handy won't make happy, o even mus.
keeterg worry.
don't think there il emmy more X.
cuse for keeping II Shanghie rooster
than thare IL for keeping a boss tina,
yu hav tew back up to u second story
window tew put the trooper on.
1t il astonishing how very small they
their p%antaloons in Broadway; bu,
notiss the pantaloons At plenty big
euuff,, for the leggs.
When | sec an old miser in the midst
ov his wealth, | consider him just abou,
as happy az . fly who has fell into a
quart howl ov molassis Ond kant gil
out.