The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-03-09
MRS, CEUDLES CURTAIN LECTURES.
Continued from our last issue.
THE THIRD LECTURE.


"Well, if a woman hadn't better be in her
grave than be married That is, if she can't
be married to decent man. No; don't care
II you are tired, | Sbd'a't let you 90 to sleep.
No, and won't say what have to say in the
morning; I'll say it now. It's all very well
for you to come home at what time you like
it's now half-past twelve-and expect Pm to
hold my tongue and let you go to sleep. What
next, wonder A woman had better be sold
for slave at once.
"And so you've gone and Joined a club?
the Skylarks, indeed pretty skylarll you'll
make of yourself But | won't stay and be
ruined by you. No; Pm determined on that
Ill go and take the dear children, and you
may get who you like to keep your house.
That is, as long as you have house to keep
and that won't be long, know.
GLOW any decent man can 60 and spend his
nights in tavern oh yes, Mr.. Caudle; |
dare say you do 60 for rational conversation. l
should like to know how many of you would
care for what you call rational conversation. if
you had it without your filthy brandy-and-
water; yes, and your filthy tobacco-smolle
I'm sure the last time you came home, | had
the headache for week But | know who it
is who's taking you to destruction It's that
brute, Prettyman. He has broken his own
poor wifes heart, and now he wants to but
don't you think it, Mr. Caudle; I'll not have
my peace of mind destroyed by the best man
that ever trOd, Oh, yes | know you don't
care so long as you can appear well to all the
wOrld-but the world little thinks how YOU
behave to me. 1t shall know it, though-that
I'm determined.
GLOW any man can leave his own happy
tireside to go and sit and smoke and drink
and talk with people who wouldn't one of 'em
lift finger to save him from hangng-how
any man can leave his wife-and good wife,
too, though | say it-for parcel of pot-com-
panions-oh, it's disgraceful, Mr.. Caudle; it's
unfeeling. No man who had the least love for
his wife could do it.
"And suppose this is to be the case every
Saturday? But know what I'll do. | know
it's no use, Mr.. Caudle, your calling me a
good creature: Pm not such a fool to be coaXed
in that way. No; II you want to go to sleep,
you should come home in Christian time, not
at half-past twelve. There was a time when
you were as regular at your freside as the
kettle. That was when you were a decent
man. and didn't go amongst Heaven knows
who, drinking and smoking, and making what
you think your jokes. | never heard any good
come TO Il man who cared about Jokes. No
respectable tladesman does. But know what
pll do: ii scare away your Sllylarks. The
house serves liquor after twelve of a Saturday;
and if don't write to the magistrates, and
have the license taken away, | am not lying in
this bed this night Yes, you may call ME a
foolish woman; but no, Mr.. Caudle, no; it's
you who are the foolish man; or worse than Il
foolish man; you're Il wicked one. II You
Were to dio to-morTow--aLd people who go to
public houses do AL they can to shorten their
hves-l should like to know who would write
upon your tombstone. "A tender husband and
an afectionate father? I'D have no such
falseLoods told of you, can assure you.
'Going and spending your money, and
nonsense don't tell me-no, if you were ten
times to swear it, wouldn't believe that you
only spent eighteen pence on Saturday. You
can't be all those hours, and only spend eighteen
J pence. ! know better. Pm not quite a fool, Mr..
Caudle. A great deal you coall have fOreighteen
pencel And all the Club married men and
fathers of families. The more shame for 'em
Skylarl5s, indeed! They should call them
selves Nultures; for they can only do as they
do by eating up their innocent wives and chill
dren. Eighteen pence a week And if it was
only that---do You know what fifty-two eighteen
penccs come to in a year Do you ever think
of that, and see the gowns wear! Pm sure
can't out of the house-money, buy myself
pincushion; though rve wanted one these six
months. No-nOt so much as ball OF cotton.
But what do you care so you can get your
brandy -and-water There's the girls, too
the things they want They're never dressed
like other peoples children. But it's all the
same to their father. Oh, yes So he can so
with his Skylarks they may wear sackOloth for
pinafores, and paclltEread for garters.
'You'd better not let that Mr.. Prettyman
come here, that's ALL or, rather yOuu DeItef
bring him once. Yes, | should like to see him.
He wouldn't forget it. A man who, may say,
lives and moves only in a spittoon man
who has pipe in his mouth as constant as his
front teeth. A sort of tavern king, with lot
of fools, like you, to laugh at what he thinks
his Jokes, and give him consequence. No, Mr..
Caudle, no; it's no use your telling me to go
to sleep, for | won't. Go to sleep indeed
Pm sure it's almost time to get up. | hardly
know what's the use of coming to bed at all
now.
''The Skylarks, indeed l suppose you'll
be buying 'Little Warbler, and at your time
of life be trying to sing. The peacocks will
sing next. pretty name you'll get in the
neighborhood and, in very little time, nice
face you'll have. Your nose is getting reddel
already and you've just one of the noses that
No-I dare say not--but see it; see a great
many things you don't. And so you'll go on
In a little time, with your brandy y-and-water-
don't tell me that you only take two small
glasses: know what mems two small glasses
are; in little time you'll have a face all ovel
as if il was made of red-currant jam. And
should like to know who's to endure you then
won't and so don't think it. Don't come
TO me.
''Nice habits men learn at clubs There'
Joskins: he was decent creature once, anC
now Pm told he has more than once boxed hi
Wife's ears. He's Sl1ylark too. And sup
pose, some day, you'll be trying to box m
ears Don't attempt it, Mr.. Caudle; say
Don't attempt it. Yes-it's all very well TO
YOU to say you don't mean it-but only sa.
again. Don't attempt it. You'd rue 1t till tn
1o,y of xyo,7r daath Mr. Candle,