Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1867-10-01
How Uncle Ben Lost His Hind Sites.

We find the following humorous and capi-
tai communication in the Columbus CGa.) La
guirer Read it
Editor Enquirer: The Southern Conied-
eracy is thing Of the past. She is dead, but
will live In the pantheon of nations. Nor was
she stricken down, as Austria was By the
prowess of her enemy, bat fell as Niagara
falls, sublimely by the gravitation of Proyi-
dence. To this it becomes US to bow our
heads Ieyerently. But to the everlasting ad-
vice from certain politicians to bow our necks
to the yoke of the conqueror, and keep quiet
under ruF manipulations, the only reply that
can in reason be made is, that the sheep.
though quiet and dumb under the hands of
the shearer, will struggle and bIeati if the shears
nip the skin.
We've been made to wade neck deep in
the waters of humiliation. With our hands
tied, we've been made to march up and down
and beat time TO the tune of 'sYa ankee Doodle"
with 4 white bayOnet on one side and a black
one on the other. We are denied represen-
tation, but taxed from cellar to garret, in our
incomes and our out comes. And vet, we
must keep cool. be quiet, 60 slow, and rely
ON the organic law of the land. How can we
keep down all excitement and go slow when
the North is in rage and breaking things to
pieces?
When was a boy, was boarded with old
Uncle Ben Bush, TO get the benefits Of
school that had sprung up in that neighbor-
hood. Uncle Ben was dignifed Christian
man and sensible, but was 4 little too fond of
piling up Precept upon precept. He would
say in his dignified way, Thad., my boy. you
can't do nOthin' right under excitement-
When the house is on fire you can't put it out,
ef you're excited. Keep cool, 20 slow, my
boy, and then you'll be i'll fix to out do fire.
ar sword ar wild beasts, ar what not" And
even when [ was relating some incident, and
my fancy would become somewhat excited by
the friction of the recital, he would say in his
short emphatic way, "Go slow" From the
old gentleman's precepts Of this kind, and
his dignifed dcmeanor, came, in time, to
look upon him as a philosopher. But one
day little incident made me forever sensi-
bis of the wide difference there is between a
philosopher precepts aud his example. The
way Of it was this: The old gedtleman had
n large old blue sow that we called '.Oid Blue
Dinah." One morning Uncle Ben says =
''Thad., my boy, l want you tO-help me mark
'OA Blue Dinah's' pigs" The sow and pigs
being in five-acrc lot, Uncle Ben told me TO
turn the sow out, pin the gate, and make the
dog catch the pigs which he would do with
out hurting them by holding them down with
his nose aud paws till | could come up and
take hold. But before we commenced, says
l: "Uncle Ben, old Blue Dinahs as strong
rs an elephant, and when she hears her pigs
squeal she'll get through that gate too =
Says he: 'Did you put the pin in 2" Say5
l: ''4es; but it's nothing but pine, AMI
she'll break it like pipe stem" Says he:
"GO slow" Well, the dog and had caught
the last pig,and Uncle Ben was coming leisure
ly up, knife in hand, when sure enough, the
pin broke and the old sow bore down upon US
like brigade with gongs. As had the pig,
| expected the infuriated beast to attack me,
but not so she made for Uncle Ben, and
Uuc!e Ben made for the fence. For a mo-
mcnt l stood stock still, almost paralyzed with
fear lest the SOW should overtake him. At
length, however, l thought of my own safety,
and made for the same friendly structure,
which | reached just in time to see Uncle
Ben still going it as if the sow had crossed
the fence when he did. Partly for mischief
and partly to let the old gentIhman know that
all danger was over, | shouted: "Uncle Ben,
go slow" At this, he pulled up, and making
towards the fence where l sat. said in tone
of voice very unusual with him '.Thad.,
you're fool, sitting on the fence holcring
go Slow instead of knocking that Internal
old brute on the head with lightwood knot,
and she tearin' my very hind sites off" l
made handsome apology to Uncle Ben, and
suggested that We might finish marking that
pig, but he excused himself and went off in
a sort of huff. As he turned to 60, discov-
cred that what he called his hind sites was
the seat Of his breeches, which the old SOW
had torn away just as he was clearing the
fence.
From the incidents of that day. which are
still fresh in my memory. have drawn the
following conclusions, applicable to our pre-
sent condition:
lst. 1t seems to me that the North is as
much infuriated as Old Blue Dinah was.
I'd. That the organic law we are told to
rely upon is about as reliable as an organic
pine pin.
Sd. That under certain trying circum-
stances, even q Christian gentleman is LA
BILE to lose his equaninity with the loss of
what Uncle Ben calls his hind sites.
THADEUs OF WARSAW BUSH.
FENCE PosTs.-A writer in the Gcnescc