Delaware State journal and statesman., 1867-04-02


silk dresses than her children, and visits her
nursery no oftener than once day?
Has that woman call to be a wife who
sits reading the last novel while her husband
stands before the glass vainlY trying to pin
together buttonless shirt bosom?
Has that woman call to be wife who
cries for cashmere shawl when her hus-
bands notes are being protested?
Has that woman call to be a wife who
expects her husband to swallow diluted
coffee, soggy bread, smoky tea, and watery
potatoes, six days out of seven?
Has she call to be wife who lirts with
every man she meets, and reserves her
irowns for the home fireside?
Has she call to be a wife who comes
down to breakfast in abominable curl papers,
a soiled dressing gown and shoes down at
the heel?
Has she call TO be wife who bores her
husband, when he comes into the house,
with the history of broken teacup, or the
possible whereabouts Of a missing broom
handle?
Has she call to be wife whose hus-
bands love weighs naught in the balance
with her next door neighbor's damask cur
tain or velvet carpetP
PROVERBS OF JOSH BILLINGS. "Humin
natur is the same all over the world, 'cept in
: New England, and thar it is according to
circumstances.
"Rum is good in its place, and hell is the
: place for it.
''If had boy who didn't lie quite well
enough to suite me, would set him to tendin
. a retale dry goods store"
0fie wko can ware shurt whole week
and keep it clean, amt fit for anything else."
a "When feller gets gong down hill, 1t
u dus seem as tho everything had been creased
= for the okashun."
''I never knew fool who hadn't good
10 voice"
L "Thieves hunt in couples, but liar has
y no accomplice."
ssThere IL multitudes of folks who mean
" well enuff, but how like the devil they act."
HARD SHovE11Ne.-A writer to the Buff
10. falo Democrat complains of the orthography
In of the foreman of gang of laborers, who,
lie in making his daily returns, spet the word
bv ''shoyeling" fifteen different ways viz Scuf-
nd fling, shohing, shovelin, schouveling, shoV-
ed ling, shovlin, shovelling, schovelhng,
in schouvellng, shuvling, shuvllling, shuvel-
dy ing, shovaling, suvling, chivling.
They have queer way ofteaching school
in in some parts of Michigan. The following
XII is said to be copy of sign upon school
est house in the rural districts; FREEMAN o
md Huggs, select school. Freeman teaches the
be- boys and Huggs the girls.
1--WE shall know what are the necessaries
/ of of life, " said country storekeeper during
ged severe storm, ''as no one will venture forth
en- to-day except to procure them" In the
ork evening he found that most Of his sales were
hat yellow snuff and rum.
ID" BENJAMIN Franklin, once putting to press
10 a form of the Common Prayer, the letter I
l9th IN the following passage dropped out unper
lors ceived by him. 1--WE shall all be ehangee
ere in the twinkling of an eye" When TIT
book appeared, to the horror of the devou
mas worshippers, the passage read "We shall al
$50 be hanged in the twinkling of an eYe."
Why are fowls the most economical stool
for farmers to keep9 Because for ever,
:. grain of corn they give peck.
been The following witty comments on book
do,,, are from the Boston Commercial Bulletin:
and William Tell-Don't do it, William.
Dear Native Land-That's SO; gold 1885,
ding Ave Maria-Hi prefer Hemily.
.yi,h Sweet Flour-St. Louis brands.
4. Will Trust Thee-I wish you were m
and tailor
for They offered Me -What-butter?
If you are looking at picture, you try
ng.- give it the advantage of good light. !
dog courteous to your fellow-beings as you a
Go to picture.
thout Jack, eating skipperY cheese, did say:
Like Samson my thousands slay."
If his 81 vow," quoih Roger $50 you do,
slave And with the selfsame weapon, too"
3, and r.. -, ,,..rd oe tho 12oxvarv bov wi
20, 900 naNo ~ OSo-. ~ hard life NV n sore a
ease, which quickly brought HIM to deatl
IN al door, was informed by his physician Il
Apress medicine could do nothing for him. "Wha
lie Gay NV chances, doctorP" "Not worth spe
ing Off zone in twenty?" "oh, nj
az 'ne "In thirtyP" "No." "FihyS" 81 th
ot Ss not.n "a hundred?" swell, perha
Vi hei there may be one in hundred" VI
then, doctor" pulling him close down,
IN the whispering with feeble earnestness in
omen. an t,iost 20 in like all thunder on that
c TWO chance" The doctor ''went in, y and
patient recovered.
, roots An English lady at the Court of Ber
with whom an "imperial highness" dan
three times on the same evening, hatteret
a KILL, his attention, frankly expressed her gra
/ Mace cation at the compliment 81 did not
iasouri. tend it as a compliment" " was the ans
10 men "Then, " said the lady, your highness I
i same be very fond of dancing" 81 detest d
,ed met ing" was the unsatisfactory respon'
q her TO "What then, may ask can be your imp
d after highness's motive for dancings" ''Madt
claimed was the exalted personage's curt reply
he went dance to perspire."
others A person meeting with an acquaini
emoVlng after q long absence, told him that he
lrea ms surprised to see him, for he had heard
iect ana he was dead. But says the other,
ain ana find the report false" ""Tis hard to {
time the mine, y he replies, "ior the man that
onent TO me was one whose word would sooner
MS time, than yours"
detached
tbe hall HOW TO MAKE A WATERFALL.
,aoh ond Take four mounds of rags and bun