Smyrna times., 1867-09-18


rally, as a lady should. With no "grow of
at the solitude OF her couch,
either No, Ill warrant you that her last
thought is silent prayer for those who are
near and dear to her.
Dear, kind hearted, unselfish old maids
ALWAYS ready to risk their lives for the good of
the church or the people.
The church Bless me what would the
church do without the old maids? If there is
money to be collected by subscription, if new
carpet is to be made and put down, a picnic
to be given for the Sunday school children, or
a fair for the good of the church generally, or
anything else to be done which requires pa
tience, perseverance or hard work, the young
girls being too flighty and inexperienced, and
it being pity to add to the already weighty
burden resting upon the backs of the married
women, all the double, double toll and trou-
BILE" develops upon the shoulders Of the dear,
blessed old maids.
They do all the work and have the satisfac-
ton of knowing, alas, for human nature that
they receive no credit for anything, but " fus-
tiness."
And then, what capital ministers wives they
make Indeed, don't know what the old
bachelor and widower ministers would do for
wives it there were no patient, pleasant, plOus
old maids to choose from.
What capital wives they make anyhow The
old maid wife is never seen jerking tail of
back hair into a coil over the pan of fish she
is frying.
Never goes slipshod or coarless, never wears
greasy aprons or torn stockings, generally be.
longs to church, therefore, does not often swear
when she gets mad. In fact, she seldom al
lows her temper to get The better Of her.
Accustomed to being Sighted and snubbed
as an old maid, the thousand and one little at
tuifh oh hus sh,nl
wife's heart sing for joy, but which, more the
pity, wife seldom gets, are received by the
old maid wife with a pleased gratetullness Of
heart, very beautiful to witness. In short, if
a man is seeking for perfection in a vile, let
him court and marry an old maid.
FANNIE CAMERON.
A LIVELY SCARE.-Two whisky drinking
friends, who had been or a prolonged spree,
wandered into a livery stable the other night,
and were allowed by the man in charge. who
knew them. to lie down in bed in the office,
to sleep off the fumes of accumul ,ted alcohol.
Now it happened that there was young pup
py under the bed, in basket covered up with
a blanket Suddenly one of the men woke up
and heard succession of smOthered barks com
ing from some direction, he KIN not where
Waking up his cOmpanion he said
Jim, do you hear that dog barking?'
Jim Qlun I, OF course, because the dog had
stopped barking. lie listened, and hearing
nothing, told his friend it was nothing but fan
cy-th re was no dog barking-he had better
GO to sleep again.
Didn't you hear the dog, though p urged
the other, growing suddenly excited, the sweat
starting out Of him.
No, you fool, said the other.
"Then. Jim, have got the tremenS y he
shrieked, and attempted to leap out of bed
But Jim clung to him. and finally, by sooth
ing conversation prevailed upon him to lie still
and after little the frightened hummer went
to sleep. Jim didn't however He was wake
ful from nervous reaction. and the gnawing o
rcmorseful conscience which a man feel
when he is coming out of a debauch Sudden
y the puppy under the bed began to bari
again. 1t was low, mufled sound, tha
seemed to come from the air, and then ther
was something so mysterious and weird in
that Jim, who sat bolt upright in he'd, Shiver
ed in every FIBRE He listened with strainin
ears and protruding eyeballs, and when h
caught the sound once more, THAT stretche
his father on a bloody bier" THAT'S what
the matter, the bloody beer, he clutched hi
sleeping companion with frantic energy, an
shook him until his teeth ratified, and shrek
ed =
I've got EN-, too, Bill I've got EN-"
'' Got what, Jim?'
"TREMENs ~
: Tho hosters were alarmed, and came rur
| ming in, when an explanation ensued and tn
puppy who had caused so great agitation wa
5 found Jim and Bill got sober at length, an
: they haven't been on spree since.