The Vermont transcript. [volume] (St. Albans, Vt.) 1864-1870, 1867-04-12
A Pair Of April Fools.
By MARY KYLE DALLAS.

MIR Softhcart had always been rO-
mantle young man, from the earliest
years at which it was possible for him
to claim the title man, and he was still
now that the title young was only nc
corded to him because of his bachelor
hood.
Mr.. Softheart had never desired to
be a bachelor. He admired the other
sex too much, but, although he had
been in love with four blondes three
brunettes, and five young ladies who
were neither one nor the other, he had
never been able to pop the question
point blank, but delicatcly insinuatcd
it i'll such a way, that his meaning
would have been riddle to the
Sphynx, and was naturally enough
never successful.
Now, at forty, and growing extreme
~ stout, he was as romantic rs ever,
and moreover, was desperately in love
with new idol-a young lady who
smiled when he appeared, gave him
soft glances, called his bOquets Glove
~, and preserved them in water, and
accepted his invitations, Che always
asked her mamma or a sister to re-
company them, as people do accept
invitations from persons they like.
The fact is, that Mr. Soitheart was
very well off and not Unlocking, and
that Miss Belinda had made up her
mind to accept his hand whenever it
was offered despite the persistent at
tentions Of young Spooncy, who,
though by no means Unlocking, and
jpst six and twenty, was only Gin a
store, and by no means as eligible n
match IN consequence.
For six months Belinda Bellows had
been waiting for Mr. Sof,heart to pro
pose, and growing every day more
certain that he positively intended to
place his brown stone mansion and
bank account at her disposal.
But though Mrs. Bellows was kind
enough to allow the cook to summon
her to consultations when Mr. Soft
heart called, and SO leave the pair tetc-
a-tete and, although Miss Angelina
was equally considerate, and invariably
remembered that something she want
ed very particularly was up stairs,
; when her mother went to speak to the
i cook, poor Mr. Softheart never could
| bring himself to the point of saying,
, "Will you have me r it would, he
argued, confuse the young lady and
himself, and if she should say M,
: whereas the floor never opened on
j such awful occasions to receive reject
: ed lovers where should he hide him
self?
IN do it by letter, he said to him
self, after long consideration. "No-
/ men, SO far, have misunderstood me.
q I'll do it IN black and white now--say,
! VIII you marry me in so many
words, and decide my fate.
And so on the last day of March
Mr. Softheart wrote, on pink-tintcd
paper. pelfumed with violets and
6 edged with god, an offer Of his hand
and heart. as plainly to be understood
as bill from one butcher, and, feel
; ing that he had done a safe, though a
coarse thing, enveloped, sealed it aud
e. put it in his pocket, before he made
his evening call on his beloved Behu-
y, da
Now it so happened that that very
= evening Belinda herself had come to-
= resolution Her twenty-tifth birthday
Y was approaching, and she could not
+, afford to waste time.
If Mr.. Softheart meant anything he
should say it. If he did not she woulo
+ accept young Spooney. She had
a heard, Of late, that Mr. Softheart was
"a firt." Unhappy man, he alway'
G proposed in his own mysterious way
1t was not has fault that when he told
i Miss Bluebird that "he did not care
h for an aviary-one bird in cage wa.
;, enough for him, she did not say, "Oh.
@ Mr.. Softheart, this is 50 unexpected; !
or that, Lily Bloom being the Object
of his affections, she heard him say
Let me only have q lily, and | neeC
no other flower" with a faint idea tha
n MIR. Softheart seemed to mean some
=, thing pretty" bona fide offers were in
9 tended.
y Once he had proposed by underlin
> ing verse in book of poems which
:, he presented to the damsel at tina
moment in the ascendancy, and once
:, by serenado. But lady number ont
- never read the verse, and lady number
: two slumbered SO soundly that sh,
n only dreamt of giving man with (
I hand-organ a penny to go away, anC
~ Mr. Soitheart considered himself re
!, fused by both Yet n faint doubt tina
he might have succeeded better lin
y, gered IN his heart, and he felt that h
y had done the right thing after all il
putting ii in black and white
!; When Mr., Softheart rung the bel
= he found the field quite clear ut tn
!, Bellows. Miss Belinda had artfull
u contrved that it should be SO Tha
perfdious young person had actual
purchased tickets for concert; re
quested young Spooney, who was hal
II mad with Joy at the idea, TO accompan
e. Angelina and herself; and, on tn
to evening in question, was smitten wit
4 terrible attack of neuralgia. Reclin
m ing in chair, with lace kerchief he'll
a to her face, she regretted her inabilit
IN to go; but, after all, Mr. SpooEey mus
d, not have his trouble for nothing
is mamma and Angelina would go Sh
e. had rather be alone, she was 50 eros
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