Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1867-11-30
aTiOus Items.

sess lie magic secret Of being conIenlej
under any circumstances. Rich or poor.
high or low, II makes no difference the
bright little fountain ofjuy bubbles up just
as musicslly in their hears.
II lady put on her stocking wrong
side outward, it is a sign of good luck
ii she does il uninIeniionslly. II she does
il on purpose, it is sign the stockings
are not as white as snow
What are you doingr said father TO
his son. who was tinkering on an old
watch. Improving my time was the
witty rejoinder.
We know fond mother who is so ex-
erc;sed between love and duty. that she
give her boy chlOrOlorm before spanking
him.
The man that forgels good deal that
has happened, has better memory than
lie who remember: great deal that new
er happened.
\ machine fer removing tie stones
from cherries, at the rate Of one hundred
minute, is noticed as recent invention.
The New York Euming Post. con-
menling on this, says that machine lor
boning shaJ would also be popular. and
hopes soon 10 hear Of one.
A young lady went out with a rather
iimd beau seighing one evening, and
complacently remarked to him that she
seldom went out sleighing but what she
got chaps on The lips. The young man
took the hint ard chaPPed.
Somebody says the fret Thing lhHt
turned lis attention TO marimony was
the neat and skllful manner in which .
pretty girl handled broom. Yes, says
the Printers Devil. he may see the time
when the manner in which that broom is
handled will not afford him so mush sat-
s(action.
Jonathan presented himself and intend
ed 20 the minister for the purpose Of being
married. Being questioned if they had
been published, jonathan replied, oh, !
guess so, for told it TO Uncle Ben. and
lie told his wife more'n q week ago.
A feeling article was lately published
in South Carolina paper, under the cap
ton Cotton is gay deceiver."
What do you mean By a caland-dug
life ? said husband 10 his angry wife.
Look at Carlo and Kitty asleep on The
rug together ; wish men lived bali as
peaceable with their wives Stop
said the lady: cite them together and
see how they will agree :"
"Do you propose TO put Ike in a store,
Mrs. ParlDgloD p "Yes, replied the
old lady, "but I'm pestlerous TO know
which. Some tell me the Wholesome
trade is The best, but believe the rng'oIl
will be the most benefcious 10 him"
The Press, the Pulpit and the Peun-
coat. The first spreads the news, the
second the Gospel. and the last spreads
all over the sidewalk.
Why is minister like a locomotive
We have 10 look for him when the bell
rings.
A firt is the dipper Of the public pump
which all may drink Of, but none carry
away.
Unsocisl old Snarl says that love is q
combination Of dseases-an affection OF
the heart and an inflammation OF the brain.
The dansel who is accused OF breaking
a young mans heart has been bound over
in the bonds Of matrimony TO keep the
pieces.
Gen. Wood says, in writing from Bra.
zil, that The ladies on being Introduced TO
a stranger, insist upon being embraced,
"heari throbbng against her heart" 10
for Brazil
"Whsi sort Of sermon do you like :"
said DR.. Ruth 10 Robert Morris. one
day. II like sir." replied Mr.. Morris,
"Ihst kind Of preaching which drives
man into the corner OF his pew, and
makes him think the devil is after him.
If a lady yswns half a dozen times in
succession, you may get your bat, young
man.
Why are ladies' dresses abou, tie
waist, Ike general meeting Because
there is gathering there.
Il is said 10 be dangerous 10 be working
with a sewing machine near a window
when there is thunder storm. It's slso
dangerous 10 working near some sewing
machines THAT wear gsilers) when there
in no thunder.
Continual GrooPPing of water will
wear away a stone" That must be tie
reason some people "drop" so much
whisky-lhey fear being worn away.
Why is "lilring skirI" Ike slsugh.
ter pen Because lean and lal calves are
seen 10 IT,.
The California girls have the finest
complexions in tie world.
A despsiriOg swain in fl Of despers-
ton recently declared to lis uorelenring
lady love lbs, it was bis firm determine
ton 10 drown himself or perish in The al
tempt.
Between Memphis and Nashville is
the following inscription on sign board,