Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-11-01

5lnnlQrQll9.
A new way to pay old debts Settle them.
A maiden speech-Ask papa.
Tnloa's Revengo-Giving customer fits.
..s9rus Of the ocean -Nidshipmen.
Tnu lap Of luzury-A cat enjoying her
mills.
A ogE-legged miller is at once miller and
hopper.
QuEEr.-Does a Canadian go barefoot when
he has snow shoes2
WHAT is the difference between hungry
man and gIutton2 One longs to eat and
the other eats too long.
"NoYG but the brave deserve the fair No,
aud none but the brave can live with some Of
them.
TN going to raise your rent, said land
lord to bis tenant. ''I'hank you, repliedthe
tenant for I'm blessed if ] can raise it my
self
IDEAS, says Yoltaire, are like beards-men
get them when they grow up, women never
have any.
4 father said to his wife, when his dissipa
ted boy had come home: "Wife kill the
prodigal, the calls returned.
TuoUGH wavelet be little wave, and a
aowret little flower, yet bullet is not a lit.
tie bull, nor hamlet little ham,
4 wicked wretch was asked why he married
so little wife? "Why," said he, ''the best
way among all evils is to choose the least. :"
Is one of Josh Billings late papers he says;
''The sun was a going to bed and the beyins
far and near were a blushing at the perform
ance
WHAT is the difference between a spider
AMI a duck? One has its feet perpetuaIly ON
a web, and the other web perpeually on
its feet
'HEL. wife, you can't say ] ever contract
ed bad habits" mo, sir; you generally ex-
pauded them
SAID q young fellow Indignantly when call
ed boy: 'Don't call me boy; I've ehewed
tobacco these six years"
Il wonder where The clouds are going?'
sighed Flora, pensively, as she pointed with
her delicate finger to the heavy masses that
hoated in the sky. u think they are going to
thunder said her brother.
50 you are going to keep a school, said
yoang lady to her aunt, ''well, for my part
sooner than to do that, I would marry a
~idower with nine children.
Il should prefer that myself, was the
quiet reply, "but where is the widower?''
A young lady refused to go into the Water
viiet arsenal the other day, because she had
heard that some Of the muskets were without
breeches. She viewed the arsenal from
distance.
GoISG AuEAD.-An Englishman and a
Yankee were disputiug, when the former
sueeriHgly remarked
Fortunately the Americans can 60 no far
ther than the Pacific shore
The Yankee scratched his polite head for
an instant, and thus replied
''Why, good gracious They ere already
leveling the Rocky Mountains and carting the
dirt out West. ] had letter last week from
my cousin, who is living two hundred miles
west Of the Pacific shore, on made land ?''
A Coon Reason FOR LAuGHrER.-M. de
Balzac was once lying awake in bed, when he
saw a man enter his room cautiously, and at
tempt to PICK the lock of his writing desk.
The rogue was not little disconnected at
hearing loud laugh from the occupant Of
the apartment, whom he supposed asleep
"Why do you laugh?" asked the thief Il
am laughing my good fellow said NJ de
Balzac, "to think what pains you are taking,
and what risk .,ou run, in hope of finding
money by nigbtin desk where the lawful
owner can never find any by day The thief
evacuated Flanders" at once.
A LoNG KIcE.-Two Irishmen engaged in
peddling linen, bought an old mule to aid in
carrying the burden One would ride for
while, then the other, carrying the bales of
linen on the mule. One day, the Irishmar
who was on foot got close on his mules hip,
when he received a kick on one Of his shins.
To be reyenged, he picked up a stone and
hurled it at the mule, but by accident struck
his companion on the back ofthe head. See.
ing what he had done, he stopped down and
began to gFoan and rub his shin. The one on
the mule turned and asked what was the mat.
ter.
''The cratur's kicked me, was the reply.
''Be jabers," said the other, ''he's did the
same thing to me on the back of the head ~
T R. sPEER, NJ D., and
-. A. N. sPEER, NJ D..
Having associated themselves together in the