Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1867-05-04

7 -. Lead after Him.
Railway ajams" are anything but pre-
Fserves.
WHAT'S better than a promising young
man ? A paying one, y'@,,.l. - ~ d,
Why are good husbands like dough |? !,
Because woman need them. .,...-. -
Be temperate in diet. Our first pa
rents ate themselves out of house and
home.
A calm man is like a schoolmaster be-
cause he keeps cool.
A Richmond thief lately stole eight
thousand dollars in confederate money.
1t was the pettiest kind of larceny.
New married people who advertise,
"No Cards" may be sure to have played
all their cards before marriage. s'Rai'lsiai
Widows have been compared to green
wood, which, while it is burning on one
side, is weeping on the other. @ 5iae94
A leyeler, preceiving two crows fying
side by side; SAY, that is just how It r
should be-: / hate to see one crow ever
another" H se eaiiJ-lI rokao.i
The following is probably the worst.
conundrum ever perpetrated: "Why is
a dogs tail like an old man.? Because it
is in-firm. ssfs .--..a-..l. ..f ..s,f.
'None but the brave deserve the fairn
No and none but the brave can live with
some of them. ,,,-.-
Which measures the most, the exact
distance of a statement that is ssbeyond
belief" or the precise elevation of the
gentleman who was above telling lie?
A lady, playfully condeming the wear
ing of whiskers and moustach9s, declared
at is one of the fashions / invariably set
my face against"
An nnwashed street boy being asked
what made him so dirty, his reply was
~ was made, as they tell me, Of the dust
of the ground, and l recon it is just now
working out" -'i "'f-
A laundering or willful compositor and
proof reader on the Davenport Howa)
Gazette recently caused that journal to-
appear with the following dispatch:
"The Committee of Ways and Means
have decided to put Chase and Butler on
the free list" 1t should have read:s
"Cheese and butter. nae a4sis e5s3o
"Let me aloue you good for nothing fel-a
loww exclaimed a bright girl seated by
the side of dull lover. 11y@ o.. 5st ,3faaIilir
bsiatsWhy, aint touching you,' protes-
ted the astonished youth. b., De- sa-.aai 3 rs
"Why don't you then ?''aarh baa itei..i
During the recent session of the Equal
Rights Convention, a strong minded fe-
male entered crowded street railroad
car. O. An old gent rose to give her seat,
but asked, ''be you one OF those women's
| - h.
man should have all the rights OF man?'
eyes, ] do" ''Then stand mp and enjoy
them like man." And stand up she
did, q -. ..,. .a,.... -.
IAN actress, connected with one Of the;
theatres, a great fayorite, was. compli-I
mented upon the darkness of her hair. -
t"Why, it's dyed,' she replied, with
the amiabie irankness of true artist. -
'Dyed," replied the other speaker, why
fayorite as you are, YOU are not fiye-and-
twenty" 49,. 50 ~.
mo" said the lady; but you know
whom the gods love, dye young" - '..f'
When DIR. Dodge, an electric physician
was lecturing through this state on the
evil of tea and coffee, he happened to meet
one morniug at the breakfast table q wit
ty Son of Erin OF, the better class. Com
versation turnedte the Doctors fayorite
subject, and he addressed our friend as
follOws: h9msn as.l Fl. p oEI b5Ni9s osiG
q if'W ell,n said the Doctor, @ifI convince
you that they are injurious to your health,
win you abstain from their use % i1sq a1s
'Sure, and l will, Sir.'' aaa s,5.s asfr
ait'How often do you use coffee anatea2"
asked the doctor. ,i....,.,s sifs,f .7s,,,,rs
,ssSNIorping and night, sir."' no syes. ,,r,
SWELL" said the Doctor, s@do you, ever
experience a slight dizziness of the brain
upon going to bed % sgia, -,
eyes, indeed do" replied Erin.
90 And sharp pain through the tenn
pies, in and about the eyes, In the morn
ing ?" asked the Doctor.
s.Troth, do, so.
""WelP" said the doctor, with an air Of
confidence and assurance in his manner,
F@that is the tea and coffee" A' 20 ''nos
.' 'sIs it, indeed ? faith, and / always
| thought it was the whisky / drank n'11
The company roared with laughter,
and the doctor quietly retired. nosas1sssi
4 -er1l ssN -,g.t4y.f4 fti sss.i.s.ss.r .--,aotsa