Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1867-11-01
Thing.. wi-c s. othcrwisc.

nin&H w ASc ~ NJNhSEwlscs
Somebody's cow caught such cold
that she yields nothing but Ice cream.
A Judge of 65, i'm Kentucky, shot
himself because a girl of I'D would not
have him.
A young lady being asked by poll
tican what party she preferred, replied
that she preferred a wedding party.
Tt Is said that cram,ilIng II handful Of
dirt into the mouth Of batilky horse
will cause him to "git up and git" In
stanter. Try 1t.
" I hate to hearpeople talking behind
ones back,n as the r0bbcr said when
the constable was chasing him and cry-
ing "stop thief"
A conscript being told that II was
himself un the ground that he never
did like sweet things.
Joe and Bill Benton went to New
Orleans with fiat boat of corn. Joe
wrote To his father thus:
New Awleens Gune lst.
Dear Dad Market Is duh and corn is
10 and Bills dcd also.
/ A chap I'm Pioua, Ohio, was married
last week, his father giving Invitations
| to n large number to attend the bridal
| feast. They had u scant allowance Of
beer and cheap cake, and the old gem
tleman charged his guests fifty ceiits
each for the supper"
With true wife the husbands faults
should be secret. A woman forgets
when she condescen,ls to that refuge of
weakness, a female contidant. A wife's
bosom should be the tomb of her hus-
bands failings, and his character far
more valuable In her estimation, than
life.
A Milwaukee orator recently stated
that there were In that city lone hun
dred young men studying law who had
not brains enough to wheel d wheel
barrow straight, nor common sense
sufficient TO know how to cross street
without getting into the deepest, mud
diest hole"
A "lovcly girl I'm Wisconsin recent
| ly recovered 81 900 damages i'm abreach
OF promise suit against q peffidious
lover. Her lawyer congratulated her
ON the amount, when she exclaimed,
with q fcrocious glance mt the mulcted
defendent, "I'd give every penny of IL
this minute, just to have one good pull
at his hairi"
The editor of tho Alabama drgus
shows Himself jolly under circuinstan-
ces which other people might consider
serious. He says: 1--WE sec that tile
sheriff, during Our absence. has adver-
tised the argus for sale. We hope the
bidders will have a merry time of 1t.
If the sheriff can sell IL, he will do more
than VIC could. Like damp percns-
sion cap, we think IL will fail to so off
/ would have inscribed on the cur
tains of your bed and the walls of your
chamber: If you do not rise early you
can never make progress I'm anything.
liz you do not set apart your hours for
reading, If you suffer yourself or any
one else to break In upon them, your
days will slip through your hands un-
profitably and frivolousIy, and really
unenjoyed by yourself.-Chdfhdn,.
Mai. Samuel T.. Rankin, our State
Treasurer, has already redeemed one
hundred and twenty thousand OF Iowa
State Bonds that will come due on tlle
LIST, of January, 1868, and Is prepared
To redeem the remaining eighty thou
sand whenever presented for payment.
Is there another state nj the Union
that can say, "Come up to the captains
cially, as well as politically. In the
language of the Chicago Tribune, Clio
rious Iowa!'-State Register.
A Clergyman who had n large farm,
as was generally the case In our fore
fathers days, went out to see one of
his laborers, who was plowing In tho
field, aud found him sitting on the plow
and resting his team. "John,n said he
1 hf IN att Il,
scythe here, and he hubhing few
bushes while the team Is resting?n---
John, with q countenance which might
have become the divine himself. In
stantly replied: I" Parson, would ii not
he well for you to have swinging
board i'm the pulpit, aud when they are
singing to swingle a little flax"
A handsome young widow applied to
physician to relieve her of three dis
tressing complaints with which she
was affected. In tho first place. said
) she, az have no appetite. What shall
take for that?"
For that, madam, you should take
air and exercise.n
: ..And, Doctor, am quite fdgcty mt
night, and afraid to be alone--wiat
: shall take for that?'
/" For that, madam, I can only recon-
mend that you take a husbaHd.'
"Fie, Doctor. But have the blue
: terribly. What shall take for that?''
"For that, madam. besides taking
air, exercise and husband, you have
TO take newspaper"
Somebody says, and it Is true, that
there are two kinds OF girls. One is the
kind that appears best abroad the girls
} that are good for parties, rides, visits,
ETC., and whose chief delight Is In such
! things. The other il the kind that mp.
: ipears best at home--the girls that arc
useful In the dining room, sick room
and all The precincts mt home. They
/ differ widely 10 character. One IL ofteh
, n torment at home, the other blessing
One Is n moth, consuming everything
, about; the other "a sunbeam, inspiring
| light and gladness NIL about her path
way. The right education will modify
, both little, and thus unite the good
, laualitics of both I'm one. PIE