The Vinton record. [volume] (M'arthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1866-1891, 1867-04-11
FAUETIOUs LETTERS
A Berlts County Postmaster a
. His Opinions! |

GU snOrC llme since by the lost
master at Host p. o., Berks county,
Pa, from a Commercial Agency in
this city: 1907 - '.f lo.
Dear Sir-Will you be so kind
as to give me the names of the bus
iness concerns in your place, with
the kind of business they carry on,
on the back of this? =
If you will do me this favor
will most cheerfully serve you here,
whenever you may find it conven-
lent to call upon me. '..a I.,...
Very respectfully yours,
J--... .J
Host Postoffice, Berks Co., Pa.
To which the. .facetious PM. gave
the following answer: oa
Mr.. J--:-Dear Sri acci-
dentally came across your request
at late date. We have no busi-
ness concerns in our neigborhood,
we live in the country; are all farm
ers, or independent squires; we all
have lots of money, and don't think
business, just now, a ahealthy avoca-
ton. We are all good church mem
bers, with not a particle of puritan
faith; say our prayers before going
to bed, i. e.. if we are not out too
late playing ''poker," which is on
ly occasional, always for pastime,
and never for the purpose OF accum-
ulating money.
Our political faith isin opposition
alike to Yankee or Southren seces-
sion. We believe in God and hate
the devil in any shape or form. We
think the Bible and the Constitu-
ton, as our forefathers made them,
about the two best books in exis-
tence. We revere the wisdom and
purity of our good and great men
of all parties and all sections, and
hate and despiSe the charlatans.
North or South, East or West, who
seek to destroy any Government
for self aggrandizement. We love
ourselves more then we do the me-
grOes. Yet the love we have for
them is sincere. If they pass our,
way we give them food, shelter and
raiment, provided they don't steal,
lie, want to vote, or marry our
daughters. We all think Artemus
Ward a greater Snowman than Bar
mum, and his "wax figgers" the
greatest living curiosity in the
world. We think George Francis
Train the greatest train we ever
saw without engine, tender or cow
catcher. We believe Thad. Stevens
and Morrissey to be fair representa-
tives of the next Congress-one be-
ing a reformed gambler, the other
a practical miscegenator. We don't
believe in your city lotteries, gift
enterprises, Soldiers Home charities
picture gallery distributions, &c.
They are generally intended for the
benefit of the ''getter up" who is
always sure to build a brown-stone
palace after the thing is over. 1t
is true we ourselves indulge some
times in poker, sevenup, eucre, &c;
but those are square games. We
fear the Lord, and do not wich a
brown stone palace built on sand.
We donot steal nor rob We think |
"coal oil' good illuminator, but
despise it as a fertilizer for soil,
brain or pocket. We have large |
horses, with big tails and long
names, and think they can go just
about as fast as any of your "clip-
ped" city nags. We think we have
about the best whisky in the coun-
try, j. g., we can drink it with a
clear conscience, for we know the
tax is paid on it. Our principle is
to support the Government with
deeds, not with "gas."
Finally, we have a rich farming
country, lots of limestone, little
gold in the soil, but plenty In our
pockets; raise lots of cereals (no
pumpkins, we are opposed to them,
they are of Puritan origin, have
fine cows, and make good butter.
Our hams are real, and we use
no horse-fesh in making sausages.
Our cocks can crow as loud as any
body's our turkies weigh twenty
five pounds each about Christmas
time, our babies are all cheerful
and healthy, our women are all
pretty, and when we die we all ex.
pect to goto Heaven.
l myself am in the mercantile
business, not for gain, merely for
the accommodation of the neigh
borhood. Albert Yost is a wooden
manufacturer, which he carries on
under the same benevolent princip-
les. There are no other business
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