The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-12-06
Our an Snrts.

Semmes has three lectures on the Alaba.
ma-one ON her outfit, and two on how she
fit after she Was out.
How to take census OF the children OF
the neighborhood. Employ an organ grind
er five minutes.
What par Of dog should be named to
describe n certain condition OF winter
weather? Its nose.
WHY should n man with a termagaht
wifi. be considered smart fellow? Because
he's shrcwd individual.
A lady mus, think she has something val
liable in her head, il we may judge from
,b. number OF locks she keeps on her back
hair.
WIN, i the difference between your
rranary and your granny One is
YOUR cou,.bin, while the other is your
borp-kin.
A Young eccelsiasiic having asked OF his
bishop permission to preach. the latter re-
piled, IL do not Forbid you to do so hut ma
tiire does"
When John Kemble retired from the
stncc he distributed his costume Of Caroli-
nus amongst his brethren. To Mathews he
gave his sandals upon which the comedi
an exclaimed, "I'm glad I've got his san
dals, for I'm sure could not tread in his
shoes"
Fun represents a six-year-old in Knick-
erbockers seated in BARRIERS chair, and to
tn him the hartlresser says "well, my liz.
tie gentleman, and how would you like
Your hair cut ~ "Oh, like papa's. please,
with u little round hole ut the top"
A company Of farmers were discussing
the relative merits Of rival thrcshing ma.
chimes, when they were astonished BY the
vile Of the one at whose house they were,
exclaining e,npha,ically that the hest ,hresh-
ing machine she knew anything about was
n broouistick.
..whcro was John Rogers burned to
DEATH" asked teacher in commanding
voice. "Joshua knows" said little girl
at tho foot Of the class. SWELL" said the
teacher, .if Joshua knows. he may tell"
"ln the fire." sail Joshua, looking very
grave and wise.
Montesquieu was discussing n question
with a counsellor Of the Parliament. OF
Bordeaux, who was witty but rather hot
headed. The latter concluding some very
fiery remarks, said, "Mr. President, IL this
Is not Us tell you, will give you my
head" al accept IT," replied Montesquien,
coolly. "Small presents keep up friend
ship"
An Irish Judge tried two most notorious
fellows for highway robbery. To the as
constituent Of the Court as well as OF the
prisoners themselves, they were found not
guilty. As they were being removed from
the bar, the Judge, addressing the jailer..
said, sMr. Murphy, you would greatly
ease my mind you would keep these two
respectable gentlemen until seven. or half
mast seven o'clock, for I mean to set out
for Dublin M five, and 1 should like to
b,v. n, lens, TWO hours star, ofthem."
. ;.,... ,v.,v., tool IN his .m-
,,,.v.s. , n;..s or cloth h. hal ina, finish.
- U,.n .,,m;,,,;o, ,wo holes Inn, half
a, inch ,,,,, wer discovered. for which n
fine Of two sbiinys was demanded. "Do
you charge the same for small as for large
holes ?" asked the workman. eyes, a
shilling for every hole, big or little"
Whcrcupon the workman immediately tore
the two holes into one, eSclaiming, "Tha,'ll
say, n shilling, ANYHOW" Ills employer
WIS 20 well pleased with his wi, that he re.
,,i,,ed III, Who'll. fine at once.
T., ,,, ,r -, ,u.,;.,, soldier who
.,;,,, , h,,,,o, !, h;s ,h;,h w,s ,,ls,
.,;.,,or .,d wa. .,r, n the bos,;,,I. lie
-, :, ,.1 s0o., d,vs .,,;,, ,,,,,.
I ,,.;,,,;,. a.. h.s,, ,;,. A, ,.,.,h
:. ,.-...;,Ia..I ,...s.,,y no IN. pr,s.,,,
.v,u,;,. On. ,,o,,d s,r IA.
W., go, a.. >, .,.,,;,.a
an. .olj;,r. .lookipr for the bullet" was
,,. r.,,v .,yh,, with ,bos. horrible in
s,rum.n,,r .J,,s, So" Then don, pu,
IT,, ;,,,,, ,,,v 6..h I'm, INN INV ,ocket.
49,. v,, ,,;,, find IN, bullc, I pulled OIL,
ia. a. I cam. into mi. ,l,c,"
- 80. 49,. -. ,.,.. r.
,y. -. . 80. :, ;n.,,;,.
"'''' .'ii" 80,
h'S "'' LUG "o''"' W "o