Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1867-05-31
ThinRs wise s. other.yisc.


To be merely surrounded by oner'
Things Wise 81 Otherwise.
Why is kissing like victoryp 1t ia 4
easy TO Grant. 80
When have married people passed
through the alphabet of love? Mhen
they reach the babe.
Assure mode Of preventing hen from
setting: tie her legs together and
hang her up.
A backwoodsman saw a woman nt n
piano, and sung ont, ''Jim, jlst come
here. Tarnation Ii here amt woman
pulling music out of a chest.' re
IT have tho best wife In the world,i'
said o long-suffering husband; .she al
ways strikes me with the soft end of
the broom.n
A story Is told of young man who
was crossed in love and attempted sui
eide recently by taking dose of yeast
powder. He Immediately rose above
his troubles. ata1
A lady took her little boy to church
for the first time. Upon hearing tho
organ he was on his feet instante,.
"Sit down." said the mother. III
won't" he shouted, II want to see the
monkey
The question, why printers do not
succeed as well as brewers? |? was thus
answered: Because printers work for
the head and brewers for the stomach,
and where twenty men have stomachs
but one has brains"
Owners of fast horses are giving them
N IF q. a L..
ladies. a iirst-class beauty and first
class race horse cost about the same
money.
Somebody, who writes more truthful
ly than POLITICALLY says.--"An angel
without money Is not Thought so much
OF now days as a devil with u bag full
of guineas.n ~ r
Why is an EDITORS office like the book
OF Revelations? Because it Is full OF
types and shadows, and q mighty
voice like the sound of many waters, Is
saying to hin--serite.
Wendell Phillips says he was welded
to truth and philosophy when boy.
whereupon the Boston Post remarks
that Wendell must have become wild.
over when quite young. ~
A gentleman one winters day. was
looking in at the window of a paint
shop, when he felt some one mt his
pocket. As there was only one by-
stander, he instantly turned round. and
looking him full i'm the face. said:
Your hand, sir, was In my pocket
WAS II, sir ?p the other very calmly
replied. II really beg your pardon III IL
was; but the weather Is SO very cold
one is glad to put ones hand any,
where.n aa
what is the reason that men never
kiss each other, while the ladies waste
q world OF KISSES on the femenine
faces?' said n foolish gentleman to u
lovely young girl, the other day. The
young LADY replied: Because the men
have something better to kiss, and the
women haven't
A Tennessee Dutchnian having
caught his son in wrong doing, deter
mined TO administer dose of hickory.
80 he trimmed a switch, and went to
look for the youngster, who inconti-
nently took TO his heels. After chasing
the boy around for while, the old man
thought to persuade him To stop and
take the licking. So he halted and
hailed the wary fugativei "Shon - said
he, ''Shon, shtopl I'm not so mad as
rat 4 cash ~
A gentleman writing from Omaha.
Nebraska, says In letter to Chicago
paper: IF pity rests within your heart,
or II you have any sympathy for suffer
ing humanity, do, ] beseech you, raise
your voice and warn the poor deluded
people from coming to this place. IL
you can stop the tremendous tide that
is rushing here, it will be most benev-
olent' act, for there are hundreds here
to-day thatwould give their old boots
to be back East again" ad
A California story tells Of q man who
resolved to quit drinking, and went toa
notary to get him TO draw up an afiida-
Wit to that effect. The document was
drawn, read, and proved; the party
held up his hand and murmured the
usual 's'elp me.u 1t was properly
sealedand delivered. Whats TO pay?f,
asked the p!edger. ITO pay--to pay?n
exclaimed the party nothing, of
course-this Ii n labor Of lover Moth
ing to pay?p returned the grateful but
very forgetful afiiant, you're a brick.
Let's take drink ~
The following IL told of Daniel Drew.
one of New York's millionaires: He
used Frequently, when In business, to
lock up his own safe, instead of leaving
IL TO be done by the cashier, and to keep
secretthe word which formed the COM
bination which unlocked the ''combi-
nation lock-" One morning, after so
locking the safe, Mr.. Drew failed to
make bis appearance, and, after much
waiting and some inquiry, 1t was found
that he was Iii and had remained at
home. The key was sent for, and the
magic word which would unlock the
safe demanded. .sBoots,u was the re-
ply. The key and name were given the
cashier, but neither would unlock the
safe. The cashier knew Of Mr.. Drew's
peculiarities in orthography, and tried
"butes" with equally Ill success. The
variations of "boOtes,u aud "bootecs,u
and and 'butes, ~ were tried but In vain.
Nothing was left but to tell Mr.. Drew
he had mistaken the name, and, repair
ing to his house, he so informed the in
valid. Not a bit OF II, said Mr.. Drew.
4Well, Mr.. Drew asked the cashier.
"how do you spell boots?u .sWhy.
'b1u-t-s,'n - he exclaimed; ..how else do
you spell it?'
A few days since lady residing I'm
the eastern part of the State, having.
just returned from on evenings enter
tainment, hearing noise on the back
seoop--a long and very marrow ONE
she stepped out to learn the cause. At
the further end she discovered the In
truder In the shape Of good sized hog.
She at once assumed q beligerant atti-
tude and commenced screaming Wheel!
Wheel The hog took the alarm and
made for the door, and discovering the
largest space between tile lady's two
feet pitched for that, and she instantly
assumed the horizontal position and
movement for the door. But to prevent
~ premature elopemcnt she caught hold