The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1867-06-08
Bubget of :fn,l.


Is the property of a barber forfeited to the
State" when he dyes and leaves no hairs!
Is hardware dealer defaultcr if he sell his
customers iron and bolts
1t is exceedingly bad husbandry to harrow up
the feelings of your wife.
waterfall
Why is prosy preacher like the middle of
wheel: Because the fellows around him are
tired.
A waggish editor says that the streets of one
Of the Western cities are to be lighted with red.
headed girls. Wed like to hug the lamp posts,
Why are old maids and doubtful propositions
alike? Because they are neither of them a par
ent (apparent to anybody. Oh.
s'The greatest organ in the world" some wick.
ed old bachelor says, lis the organ of speech in
woman, because it is an organ without stops"
"Don't You mean to marry, my dear sir ~
mo, my dear widow; I'd rather lose al the ribs
I've got than take another.
A gentleman in Albany has hsd his life insur-
ed for sl4O,VoV Now is the time for the next
of kin to give him strychnine.
Ladies, let your hair, teeth and complex.
ion be be false, if necessary, but let not your
hoods be false; falsehoods are inexcusable.
An Idaho paper says man recently poked his
head out from behind The times in that fast
country, when it was taken off by passing
event"
A thief was lately caught breaking into
song. He had already got through the first two
bars when apoliceman came up and hit him with
staye.
Philosophy says that shutting the eyes makes
the sense % hearing more acute. A wag suggests
that this accounts for the many closed eyes
which are seen in our churches every Sunday.
A writer called at his printers and accused
the compositor Of not having punctuated his po-
EN-, when the typo earnestly)replied I'm not
Fointer-Tm setter"
We hear great deal about Great Britain's
poor laws but We fear that there are great
many laws quite as poor in our own country.
A country boy having heard of sailors heaving
mp anchors, wanted to know iii was sea-sickness
that made them do ii. lrA
Honolulu dispatches announces the death Of
the famous Colonel Cesar MISUNDERSTANDING
Observation-Disclosures. Con.
tinued in our next.
DIR. Johnson, being once asked whether he was
laconically replied, ''naythur" rr+
Men dying make their wills, but wives
Escape a work 50 sad;
Why should they make what all their lives
The gentle danes have had
Fanny Fern gives sermon on insanity in the
following sentence: The craziest people in the
world, are they who are never suspected Of being
A chap a1vertises in Boston for board to be
paid for in tirst-class dentistry" He wants to
insert his own teeth. and pull out the teeth Of
somebody else.
The aristocratic colored ladies Of the South do
not condescend to speak the word white now
They say, "Was she colored or plain"
Connecticut paper says that man down
there 'blew out his brains after bidding his wife
good-by with shot gun"
The celebrated Doctor Smith on an occasion
preached before the corporation Of tailors. He
took for his text the appropriate words-"A rem
nant shall be saved"
A slave in Brazil has carved statute of Gu.
pid. for which he has won the national medal for
the best work of sculpture and received his lib
erty. This is the first instance that we ever
knew OF the God Of Love getting fellow out Of
trouble.
Would you like me TO give youa sovereign 2"
asked little boy Of gentleman he met in the
street. ITO be sure / should" was the reply
Very well, then" said the boy. do unto Others
as you would others should do unto YOU"
soldier on trial for habitual drunkenness
was addressed by the magistrate; Prisoner,
you have heard the charge Of habitual drunken
ness what have you to cay in defense z" Moth.
ing, please your honor, but habitual thirst"
A young lady riding in the rear car of long
train remarked to her companion that the train
seemed 10 move very slowly; and amoment after
added with almost Parsingtonan unconscious.
ness, "But perhaps it is because are in the last
car" t4-..h t' t''FR
"You would be pretty, indeed" said gentle
man patronizingy to young lady, eff your
eyes were only little larger" my eyes NAV
jul mem.' I'd -
A. B. c.
L0dy-What are you teaching her, nurse?
Nsrse-Letter A. mum.
Lrdy-Then let-her-be.
-Nurse-If she doesn't learn it, I'll let-her see.
Ayoung lady being engaged to be married,
and getting sick of the bargain, applied to friend
to help her unite the knot before it was too late
"'Oh, certainly" he replied. ats very easy to
unite it now while it's beau"
"Does the Court understand YOU to saw. Mr..
Jones, that you saw the editor Of the Argus of
Freedom intoxicated ~ "Not at all, sir. I
merely said that had seen him frequently so
Hurried in his mind that he would undertake to
cut out copy with cnuffers, III ats all" s. '-l
'"My FRIEND" said the Rev. Sidnc Smith to a
W uyQo u q