davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04
Things Wise and Other wise.

Things Wise and 0thel wise.
AN exchange calls bakers regular
loafers.' What an ill-broad fol-
low
What liquid would lover be7
Bosidcr hor.
Why is an onion liko piano? Be-
cause it smell. .olious.
Why is an old mans hat like an In
dian matron Because it keeps tho
wig warm.
Society is like glass of alc-tho
dregs 90 to the bottom, the froth and
scum to the surface, and the substance
of the better proportion oft remains
about the centre.
An unwashod street boy, being ask
ed what made him so dirty, replied,
"l was made, they tell me, of the
ground, and recon it's working out"
eff woman wants to keep her hus~
band at home, let her sond him to tho
top of the house. and then take away
the ladder" If man wants to keep
his wife at home, let him hide her wa.
tcrfall.
An editor became martial, and was
created captain. On parade, instead
of 'two PAGES in front advance 7" he
unconscionsly bawled out, "Cash--
three dollars a ycar-advance -
Hobbies says the Minister WHO boast
cd of preaching without notes, didn't
mean to be understood to refer to
greenbacks. None of the brethren
arc above the "root of all evil"
A poor scamp left his wife in
great rage, declaring that she should
never 500 his face again till he was
rich enough to como IN carriage.
He kept his word, for in two hours af-
tcrward he was brought homo drunk
in whcclbarrow.
In a mixed company, gentleman
thought proper to make some rcmaks
to the lady next to him (who happen
cd to be drinking toast and water,) so
as to induce tho affronted damsel to
take out the toast and throw it in his
face. Hc very cody took it up and
threw it in the face of the person on the
other side of him, saying, "Let the
toast 60 around"
If four cats with sixteen legs can
catch fourteen rats with forty-two
legs, while q woman with two tongues
is saying Jack Robinson, how many
legs must eight rats have to got away
from the same number of cats in two
minutes, due allowances being made
for tare and trct
Pun represents a six year old in
hnicherbochcy, seated in BARRIERS
chair, and to him the hair dresser
"Wcll, my little gentleman, and how
would you like your hair cut Z" Char
lic-"Oh, like papa's plcasc-with
little round hold at the top"
Somebody says the best way to get
rid of weeds is to always put your ci-
gar case and it's contents at the SER
vice of your friends. Jones says that
the most effective means he ever tried
was by squeezing tho hand Of a plump
young lady lcrcavcd in black. The
next day she was in half mourning,
and second kindly pressure resulted
in pink gown with white bonnet.
Farmers, please notice.
A schoolboy being asked TO define
the word "admission," said it meant
twenty-five cents. Twenty live cents!"
echoed tho schoolmastcr. "What
sort of definition do you call that %
81 don't know" sullsily replied the
boy. "but L am sure it says so ia the
advertisement down there 1T the
show" eyes," said another boy,
''and children half price"
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04
Ancient Civilization of America
AN ANTIoUARIAN DlsCovEnY

AN ANTIQUARIAN DISCOVERY.
The Fon duLac Commonwealth Of a
late date says:
DR. Whittier Of this city, yesterday
showed us some ancient relics which,
together with the location in which thoy
were discovered, will be OF great inter.
est to the scientific and antiquarian
world. Discoveries llavesrecently been
made at Nashville which have led to tho
belief that at some day this country has
been inhabited by race further advan
ced in the arts Of civilization than the
Indian. AMI this discovery, away out Of
the plains Of Kansas, will add another
INK 10 the chain Of that belief. The
doctor has been spending some months
IN Kansas, and among other places visit
ed Bullcr county, which lies in the
Southwestern part of he State.
The county has not been very cxten
slTrly settled IN, at present containing
only about one thousand Inhabitants.
" hlLcwator river runs through this
county, and Willing along its banks, the
Doctor discovered near The waters edge
what appeared to be bones. Imprlled
by a natural curiosity, he investigated
the subject, and was rewarded by find.
ing that his surmiscs were correct. lie
found quite Il number OF bones, some OF
which lie thought were htimar, but as
they were all more or less decomposcd
it was hard TO decide whether they had
belonged to human beings or animals
llo found one, however, which was from
Tour TO five feet in length, and about
fifteen inches in circumference. This
bones had been broken of, and had some
day belonged to an animal larger than
now known on This continent. Stimu-
lated by these discoveries, he pursued
his researches further, and commenced
TO cxcavatc the bank of tho river, where
the bones were first discovered protrr,.
ding out, as If the cncroachmcnLs Of the
river had cxhnmcd them from their bu
ria place. lie dug into the bank whor,
he found an apartment about three feet
wide, and five feet deep, thirteen fee
below the surface, the walls or Cd e 0
winch were ola hard clay substance
evidently the work of human hands. -
In this apartment he found sevcra
urns
Each urn was provided with two
! handles. had evidently been made o
hard clay, and was filled with a sub
stance which looked like ashes. Tn,
vessels were somewhat broken, but one
OF them was about two feet. high, tho
| balance smaller. The Doctor shove,
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

The complete returns OF the Mary,
land election arc now reported, and are
for Governor: Bowie, Democrat, G3.-
COZ votes; Bond, Republican,, q, 800.
Democrat majority, HIP votes, in a
total vote Of s. ,i92. At the MARYLAND
lection, in SGG, the total vote for State
Comptroller, the highest Office
voted for, was, Regular Democrat 49,
26 votes; inlcpandont Democrat, L.
5GS votes; Republican, 27,35l votes
Democratic majority OF 1898 votes in
a total vote Of 60, lS3.
y Washington special to the Boston
Post says cit is understood there
will boa meeting held in Now York,
December l0th, at which promincnt {
Democrats will Interchange viows in
relation to the candidacy for the next
President, Mc%srs. pcndlcton, Of Ohio;
MARSHALL, of illinois Seymour, of
Now York; Blair, Of Missouri Trim
bic, of Kentucky, and others arc cx-
pcctcl to attend"
The official vote for Governor of
Minnesota, foots up: Marshall (Rali-
ca s,ls9 tnndcan, (Dcmocrat) 81
9ll. MarshuIl's majority 4,2iS net
Democratic gain, 6,l69. Negro suf-
fragc defeated by over $4,000.
The Tribune made $1,000 out of it's
party last campaign as pay for pub
lishing meetings. Quite n moderate
price for Radical patriotism.
Three thousand men have got up q
revolution IN Venezuela, and the Gov.
,ernmcnt, with 1000, has thus boon
beaten. s,Fy's>f
The New York Tribune SAYS the
Democratic. majority in New York will,
be little over 10000.
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04
A Touching Soono in Vienna,

On the goth of October the Emperor
OF Austria unveiled an equestrian statute
OF tho Prince Schwarzcnburg at Vienna.
The Prince commanded the allied ar
mics at tho battle of Lcipsic. The Aus
TRAN nobility and army were fully repre-
sented at the ceremony. But tho chief
interest OF the day attached to the two
SOLID squares composed Of tic veterans
OF Lepsic, Wigram. Briennc and tho
Occupation. Hardly one of tho whole
number was less than scvcuty-two years
old, while several of them were over
ninety five.
~ correspondent Of the London Iclc-
graPh writes Of them
"a strange and motley crew, indeed,
every Individual, although dressed in
h's best and brushed up to extreme neat.
ness, was clothed after his own fancy,
or rather according t. his own means.
One or two Hungarian or Slovacks by
birth, were huddlcd up in skin coats,
edged with rough wool, or in the every
day garments OF prosp arous Sheep
Others were enough, but scrupulously
clean. A large proportion of The whole
was bearded after the patriarchal man
ncr. Chairs had to be set 70, few,
and one old boy (who might havo been
any age you please over a hundred, J
terribly inlirm and contracted in shape,
had TO be set down on tho ground and
proppcd up against one of the tribunes
for he could not keep himself together
on char. Before turning to other
matters connected with the occa.
sion, | must not omit to state that the
Emperor completely won my heart by
a little action, full Of kindness and natu-
raj grace, OF which this shattered war
r,or was the object. After inspecting
the two squares above mentioned, and
chatting pleasantly with few of the
veterans, his Majesty's eye caught tho
pitltul spectacle presented by the ancient
cripple crouching on terra iirma; he
he stepped towards the tribune, bent
over the bowed and wastrd form, and
pattcd It on tho shoulder, the old soldier,
looking up hastily pulled of his hat. and
tried to sit upright. The Emperor beg.
Scd him to cover himself, and, as he hesi
latcd to obey, took his battered hat gen
tly from his trembling hand and himsel
set it on bis head. His Majesty then spoke
a lew more cheering words to him, pat
ted HIM again OF the shoulder, and with.
drew, touching his plumod hal to the
crippled hero as he retired saw tho
old man tumble for his blue cotton hand
kcfchei and press it hard to his eyes
| perhaDs IN biS own atnnt l,o,rt l,n ~, :,
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04
From the New York Exprcss.1
Questions and Answers.

0tcf, t'HHJ W We CoHShHnttW us
TIC MpWrcchcd mariner cttngs to the last
pIanh eohcm m'yM md the t>"Ipsst closes
oround htm." DANIEL W EBsTER.
ur,, l .;, ,,;a
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,I,cc H,;,,, ~ H., rh,n,;nns t,r
,hcm IN, ,lrir l,,r,s il r.s, r,r ~,
ch,rmc sound The ,,uu,,, and o.,
say, the ,uh,s," Hr,rL,r ~ Nru
York
Who nrcs,n,.l :, nc,i,;o, rr,,, ,.;,;
zrns Of Massachusetts ~ Conrr.s, :,
ai.Soly, ,Lc l;n;,,2 R,J;,..L H,n,,Ii
cans
Who closcl nr;n,;ur on;cc, ord ON,
nirrss,l ncwsn,nrrs u,,,r III. h;ohn
. - doctrine E,Iic,l R.nnhl;,,n
Who denied \ vLiIr m,n rrrrInn :,
sprcch in Boston. m,l,h..l h,r anil I'M
nlm in prison IN 1862 for ,l;,p,r,inn I,
answer Clas. Sumner ((,, f. Tr,,n)
Radical Rrpubicans,
WHO declined ,n send sol,icrs 10 ,l
war unless the freedom Of The sI,v,
was proclaimed \ Radical Govern
or Andrews
Who had 900 600 mon r,ody conl;
toned that The slaves should hr jr,rI
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

a clergyman, who was consoling a
young widow upon the death of her
husband, spoke in q vory serious tone,
remarking lhat--"hc was one OF tho
few. You cannot find his equal you
know" 10 which tho sobbing fair one
replied with almost broken heart, 81
don't know, but I'll try"
A forage dealer in Paris, whose
premises were infested with rats, which
neither cats nor dogs could extirpatc,
recently adopted novel mode of Dip
ping live rat in red pant and turning
1t loose. The vermin have entirely
disappeared from his premises.
A philosopher has discovered that
mon don't object to being oycr-rated, :,
except by the assessors.
Homer calls the sorrow of death "a
dark rushing cloud.'
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

When the troops, under General
Mcclellan, penetrated the mountain
region of West Virginia, in MAY,
1856 |, they encountered in quiet nook
on tho side of the Laurel Ridge, a.
venerable matron standing in door
of log cabin. One of the men ac,
costed her with
"Well, old lady, where's your
flag %
81 hain't got no flag" was tho
prompt reply.
"Well, thon, which side arc you
for %
81 don't know what you mcan," she
answered in astonishment.
care you seccsh % asked tho man
amused at her ignorance.
emo l hain't, she rejoined, emphati-
cally.
care you Union Z"
''No, tell you"
"Wcll, what are you 7"
"l'm good, plain Baptist-that's
what l am"
The men laughed heartily, and at
last ono of them said
"You'll not refuse to hurraJl frn
'Old Abe,' will you cid lady o. 'assss
"Who is 'Old Abe . asked tho
dame growing more astonished every
minute.
"Abrallam Lincoln, the President
Of the Unitod States.'
"Why, hain't Gin'ral Washington
President ~
"No, hos been doad for moro than
sixty years"
"Gin'ral Washington dead /" she
fairly screamed. Thcn rushing into
cabin she called, "Sam Sam p'
"Wcll, what is it, mothor p said O,
voice within.
In a moment she rcappeared Mt tho
door with veteran of fifty, who tho
men afterwards learned was her son.
"Why, only think, Sam" she Dried,
exoltcdly, "Gin'ral Washington's.
dead. Sakes alive! Iwonder what's
going to happen next p
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

Nor LAWYER ENoUGm TO ITURT.-
That modest reputation at tho bar is
not regarded in the West as an insur.
mountablo barrier to vital picty or
membership in tho Church, has been
definitely settled at Il, a city of
Illinois, whore an interesting revival
Of religion has hccn in progress under
the ministration of Presiding Elder
b, an able minister, and some
thing of a wit. That church was a
power in the city and country round
about. A young lawyer, Hiram
D, had been regular atton-
dant at tho meeting, had several times
gone forward to the anxious seat, yet
seemed to bc in no hurry to unite
with the church. The sickle had
been thrust umsparingly for several
weeks, and now they were gathering
tho shcavcs. Brother Hiram was
called to tell his experience and OK
plain the difficulties in tho way of
his "coming out" lie arose and said
he felt the necessity Of being chris
tian, but the fact was he was Just
starting in the world, had 10 way of
making living but to practice law,
and doubted whether man could be
u lawyer and Christian too At this
point Elder B cried out "Comc
along, Brother Hiram, you arc not
lawyer enough to hurt !"
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04
A Tape Worm Six Hundred Feet in
LENGTH

We sometimes read accounts Of tapc-
worms several feet and sometimes yards
in length, being taken from individuals
but if we had ever seen it avcrrcd that
one had been taken complcte and entire,
Two hundred yards IN length, unless We
had received very liberal pay for credit
ing it, we should have declined. DR..
Gum records it as an extraordinary
fact that he has seen one a hundred
feet in length and we believe it has
not generally been conceded by medical
authorities that the creature ever reach
rs greater length, or that it is possible
to remove such an one entire and unde
composed. BE that as it may, wo yes
terday saw one in tho Office OF Drs
Head & Dahlman, Of tho species tcchM.
cally known as 'rmnia La,ta, which is
believed to measure full two hundred
yards in length. Dt. Dahlman informs
us that ho measured hundred and fifty
lcr ghts Of tho table before him (about
three feet long) with fully one fourth Of
the varm,t still in tho bottle. It looks
very much like piece Of whitc tape
from one sixth to one fourth OF an inch
in Width. narrowcst at tho cXtremitcs.
1t was taken from son OF Mr.. Jacob
Slrauh. somo sixteen years Of age, living
two or three miles from town. Drs
lie; and Dahlman were two hours in
taking the worm from him. The boy
was very much cmaciated, having been
wasting away for year or more, but
is now doing well. The operation was
performed last Saturday. This rcmarka-
bic worm will be subjected to sccn.
tific analysis, and placed IN some mcdi-
cal museum. 1t will be an object Of
great interest and curiosity to the mcdi-
ca! fraternity.
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

Mark Foreman, negro highwayman
charged with stranglng aud robbing
Miss Annie Balance and Miss Love
Jarvis, near Norfolk, Va, last summer,
has been sentenced to the ponten,;ary
for eighteen years. Wo learn from the
Jounal that the occurrence took place
in broad daylight, on tho road loading
to Ferry Point and but few miles
from Norfolk. The ladies were taken
from tho buggy in which they were
seated, strangled and, altor being robbed
were thrown into the roadside ditch.
Tho circumstance raised storm of ex.
citcment at the time, and the pcrpetra-
tor was speedily apprehended. Eleven
OF tho jury that tried him were for hang.
ing, and one for eighteen years impris.
onmcnt in tho ponitentiary. Finally,
tho latter was agreed upon as his sen.
tcnce, and SO returned to the court.
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

The Norfolk papors note tho arrival;
there of cotton in large quantities.
Last as week the receipts averaged nearly.
1000 balaspor day.
The DomooMtio gain in tho State Of
Wisconsin onsa tho last election is little,
over 2ooo. They also make some,
gains in tho State, Legislature.
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

While the troops were lying along
the road, waiting for obstacles to be
removed in front, Virginia cavalry
man came jogging down the line on an
old flea bitten frame of horse. AS
he passed an infantryman greeted him
with 81 say, mistur, you look just
like brother of mine tho hogs alto
up" The cavahyman did not relax a
muscle, but, looking him straight in
the face, replied Wall my friend,
It's u monstrous pity tha hadn't finish
cd the family while tina war catin p'
and moved on amid shouts Of laugh
ter.
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

ORIGINAL NAME, Brick Pomcroy
says Rhode Island was founded by DR..
Woleand other African slave traders,
who made immense fortunes from the
business. 1t was originally known as
Providence Plantatioas, and was the
range Of SO many thieves, robbers, and
such outlaws that it was named Rogues
Island, and likely would have been thus
named to this day, had not the crgravcr
who made the first map Of for school
purposes changed it to Rhode Island for
some reason known to himself.
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

Twelve hundred tons Of steel rails
has been laid, in place Of iron ones,
on the lsos ton and Providence Rail
road. AZ Roxbury, near tho repair
shop, they have been in uso upwards
OF u year, at point whore ono hun
drcd and twenty trains or locomotives
pass over them daily, and as yet there
IL no perccptiblc wearing away. Iron
ralls had to be rclaid seventeen times
a year at the same place. AS fast as
the iron rails wear out, on any portion
OF the route, the Company intend to
replace them with steel ones.
a farmer more noted for the care
he hctowcd upon his fine stock than
upon his mode Of expression, wrote to
the secretary Of an agricultural society
IN regard to ontcring his animals for
the premiums offered and added, by
way of postscript: sAlso enter me
for tho best jackass I'm sure of a
premium
1t has boon decided that, after the
election and conventions in tho South.
crn States have boon held, the num-
bcr of military posts shall be dimin.
ishod, and the troops consolidated at
central points, with view to economy
in the cost of transportation and sub
sistancc.
The Alabama Convention, by vote
OF % 10 S2, has adopted resolution
I - \
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

Before you speak of tho absent, asl,
yourself the three following ques-
tlons: Is it truo2 Is it usoful7 Is it
kinda -
When was Noah in Amorica 2
Dye give it up7 Of course. When
nc was on tho Ark-and.saw.
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1867-12-04

One man, in ono yoar, ifyou lonl him
Earth will food himself and nino 9th
ors"
Daily Davenport Democrat. [volume] (Davenport, Iowa) 1864-1874, 1867-04-19

oiecAeo, Apsil 10th.
A Cairo special to the Journal says The
negro woman. Sally lester. arrested on
suspicion Of the murder of . mula,,o girl.
whose corpse was found acme four miles
from Tire city. has confessed her crime
special from pes MONIES to the j. urn
a, says The hoon remsins nearly IS il
vas yesterday. The grea, damage done
Is By the back waters. which h.s flooded 4
large portion of the city on the East and
South sides Of the river. Tn. rest and
most populous parts Of the CITY not being
reached BY the water. Work on the levee
on the East side Of the river il still going
on, and il Is thoueht that the water win Do
kept under CONTROL The rsnaiaise bridges
are still in good ceadition. Il Il thought
the worst i. over. No lives bav. bsen Leaf.
The damage done is NOT ~ great a. a srsl
supposed.
Daily Davenport Democrat. [volume] (Davenport, Iowa) 1864-1874, 1867-04-19

COLUMBIA, 8. G. April IS The Governor
estimates there are 100. 900 persons in South
CAfolins who haze not tasted meat in Q
days.
The registration Of vctcrs win be com
menced 40 eo0n ~ sufficient number o.
se9aten report themselves who ere quail
ne1 IN act ~ registers. A few done % res
te9dey.
Nor helm -sivices received hero indienfa
considerable immisration Of lasmoe0 fto0
New Highland, New York and roaneyiv1aie.
Daily Davenport Democrat. [volume] (Davenport, Iowa) 1864-1874, 1867-04-19

ORIGINAL NOTICE.
STATE ATE OF oe, IOWA So.
In the District Court:
G. II. Mccormick & Bros.,
".
George W. Rogers, Elizabeth A Rogers,
Samuel Porter and Elizabeth Potter.
To George w. Rogers, Elizabeth A. Rogers,
Samuel Porter and Elizabeth Porter, Dee
fendants:
Yeu are hereby notified that on or before
he 2lsl day Of Novembes. 1856. . Petition
will b hled By said Plaiotifs y. H. McCor
mick L Bros. in the ONCE Of the Clerk Of
The District Court Of sa'd Scott County.
love, claiming Of you one thousand dollars
On swo notss execute BY Samuel Porter,
datsd Nay cath. 1065-one for e552, due
NsvsOber lst, 1865, and one for e472. due
November lot, 1866, with interest q 10 per
cent. per eonum also the fofe0l0sute Of :
osis claim deed or : mortgage exeeuted By
GsopKssW. Rogers and Elisabeth A. Rog>
ere . SECURE ssid notes With others; also I
writ Of tniueelio0. A. shst- unlo1b you
oepeas therseo and sdsoesd ksf6fe aqon q
t6s ssouad day q the nest Tern q ed
Ceust cpmnsncing 81 Davsupest % The Lot
Meaday Of February, 1857, Default will b
entered sgainst you and . decree @ PRAYED
IN said petition.
/ O. II. Mccormick 4 Bros, Plaiolif1s.
| STEWART I ARMSTRONG, Attorneys.
! Dated this 2lst day Of Nov. 1865.