Buchanan County bulletin and guardian. (Independence, Iowa) 1866-1869, 1867-01-01
NV Schools aud sch0olmasters

whilc at other times i, assumes s,.cl.
a grotesque aud lndicrous character
that it would excite the mefsimoglt Of
ola Ccrberus himself.
A cer.ain "Kuight Of TIC Drclcn
Rod" wishing to obtain certificate
Us a schoolteacilcr, as required by
the General Statutes OF Missouri,
called upon the Superintendent Of
Public Schools, in = county in south
csh Missouri, not long since, when
the following dial CUE took place:
GOOD morning, MIR; onperintend-
ent."
Good morning. sir; take chair"
"All right, sir; take chair"
"You see, Mr.. I'm a schoolin'i it out
in my settlement, and have been fur
i'isin' 6iteeu year, and | want a stiff.
ticate to'kcep a doin'."
"Al! right, Sir, | am ready to grant
the certificate, but before doing SO
| muat examine YOU as to your com
potency"
"Now look here, 'taint no use FOR
to examine me, fur rs | said atore,
I've been schoolin' it risin' fifteen
year"
Never mind the certificates you
must Be examined as to your qualiii-
cations, or the certificate cannot be
issued
Well-but It's nary bit Of use.
| have been
Never mind that; what brar ches
do YOU teach in your schoolr'
20, readin', spcllln', writin' and
some tiggcring."
"Is that sil:'
i" Yes the folks ont thar don't want
anything else. They're all down on
high schooling"
''Don't you teach grammar %
O, no: the folks are down on grain-
mar larnin''
Don't noae Of your scholars want
TO study grammar"
"Nary one. But FIVE years ago
one Of old man He,nphill's gals tack
a notion to study grammar. but in
about two weeks She gin i up"
"Well it is necessary that you as o
teacher. should have some knowledge
Of grammar, and l shall have TO cx.
anime you in that branch
" w ell, now, that's no use--tolks
don't want that kind of larniil'."
"Neiy likely. But can you tell M
how many parts Of speech there are Z"
"Well, now; let me see | declare
it has slipped my memory, ] don't
iestre-colivct. But anyhow, grammar
is superJ'@ic-ons.
Cant ). u give guess"
"W ell | should say about two"
"Ihat won't do; guess again"
Wen, At tnrdrcst, should say
four"
. Are you surc?"
Well. as near as can re-collect.
II monght be, aud it mou.htent."
"Now, sir, tell me, what is Eng
li.h grammar
"a near as I can re-col,ect. it's a
smalli-h book, bout Sc long, [mcasnr-
ing with his handl and bout half a
inch thick"
Did you ever see kirhham Or
Brown -
"No, sir; they never lived in our
settlement"
DO you know anyt ing about Bal
lion Or finneo:-
"Oh, yes I've hcarn tell heap
of odd BniIion, but | have never
saw him voted far him onct, but
he took the Abolition chute after
wards, and l was powerful sorry |
voted tax him. As fur Smith, he lives
across the run, bout two miles from
my house. His boys so 70 school to
me-
"Very well. What is Geography"
Don't use any in my school, but
if | don't disremember, | seed some
in town, and .hcy're about the size Of
q chunk Of single"
(which is the largest river in the
world %
"The Mississippi, Of COURSE"
"What is the shape Of the earth :"
Well, in our region its right
smart hi!ly, but f.rther down its fiat
and swanpish."
(which is the highest mountain
in the world -
Pilot Knob"
"Nery well. Now, sir; you say
that in your school yog only teach
spelling. reading, writing and ari,h-
me,ic.'
NO, sir; | di,lu't say I learned
EN- reihmetic; | only learns 'em
readin', spellin', within and tigger-
ia"
Exactly. Now after your schol-
ars have gone through the spelling
books and readers, what dc you do
then"
g turns 'em back
e So you keep them 1T the same
books all the time -
"Yes. sir: there's notlin' ike lay
Ia the foundation well, and turns 'em
back till they finishes their schoolin'."
just SO. Now, sir; it seems to
NE 10 me tH;li YOU are lltt.c rusty
in some of the branches, anl before
! can give ycu a certificate you must
study . little, aal become better pos
ted"
'Now | don't as how can, fur
I've got power of work on hand.
and the cid woman has 4 risin' on
her finger, and John has bile on his
left foot, which gives me more'n |
can see to. BESIDES, the people don't
want that kind ot tcachin', ana it
would be mighty pity to keep the
children ont OF school now, fur
they're most uncommon bad off fur
schoolin.
Every wen, | will take the mat
ter under adyisement, and you can
cali again in ten days.
SO the native educator departed,
not altogether liseonSolate. The or
iginality Of the answers of this pcda-
gogue eclipse Shakspears's celehya-