Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-02-05
The Sugar BOaCL.

Filthy Lucre-A bank Of guano
A Lay Sermon-A curtain lecture
Wanted, by a confectioner, candid young
lady,
How much does fool weigh, generally? A
simple-ton.
I'm getting fat, as the loafer said when he
Was stealing lard.
A very unpopular officer with some OF the la
dies-General Housework.
Our fre-engines-May they be like old maids,
ever ready, but never wanted.
A scribbler says life is too short to drink poor
whisky or to make love to ugly women.
Some Maryland ladies have presented Thad
Stevens with dressing gown. What he needs
more is dressing down.
A coxcomb asked BARRIERS boy, did you
ever shave monkey?" ''No, sir, but If you /
be pleased to sit down, I'll t-t-try.
Ben Butler was soldier brave,
A soldier brave was he;
He had for silver spoons and SIGH
a par-tial-i-ty.
Before love comes in at the door" it would
be well for him to peep through the key hole
He might see something that would preyen
him from entering.
Goal is coal now, said coal merchant tx
a man who was demonstrating with him upor
It's high price Il am glad of that, . replied
the other, .'for the last lot you sold NE wa
half stone
4 rich man, who had been run over, and In
jured much, once said: 1T isn't the acciden
that [ mind; that isn't the thing; but the ide,
Of being run over by an internal little swi Lear
makes me mad
To Schoolmasters- To be sold, thrashine
machine, in good working order; has birch
cane. and strap oil accompanying it; warranted
TO thrash school of fifty boys In twenty min
utes distinguishing their offences into literary
moral and impertinent.
Bill went into hardware store. you sci
all sorts of nails here?" said he to the obligins
gentleman behind the counter Yes my LITTLE
man, all sorts of nails. - ''l'll take pound o
toe mails, if you please, says Billy Exit Bill
ly, followed by set of toe-nails, done up il
heavy boots.
Sure" said Patrick rubbing his head will
delight at the prospects OF a present from hi
employer, II always name to do my duty
Il believe you, replied his employer, and
therefore, shall make you a present of all you
have stolen from me during the year." 'Tn
W eCl 1OiOi, lCpliCO DIT
all your friends and acquaintance treat you a
literally"
4 young lady of extraordinary intellectual
capacities, recently addressed the following let
ter to her cousin, living in a country village:
Deer Cus>in the wether whar we is are colo
and [ suppose whar you is it air coler We aw
is well and mother is got the his Terics and m
brother Tom is got the Hupin Koff and Sister
susin is got baby an hoap these few lines vii
find III the same condishun rite sumo to yurt
apheckshunate Cussin till deth.''
The editor of an exchange, in making an ap
peal to his subscribers who are in arrears to pa,
up, says: I'VE hope they will settle withou
delay. Not that we want the money-oh no
Our.lnk IS given to US, we steal our paper, ant
We WIN our printer wages at seven up. So l
costs US nothing to carry on business. Never
theless, as matter OF accommodation, and t,
ease their consclences, we will take what the,
owe Us. if they will send it in Immediately"
''Why, Bill, what's the matter with YOU p
you look down in the mouth,
well, Pete, if YOU been through what
have, you d look bad, toe"
that the matter?''
We'll, you know Sarah Snivels don't you
Pete?"
Yes
Il discarded her last night
you did What for?''
swell, LII tell you. She said she wouldn
marry me, and LII discard any girl that would
treat me that way.