Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-01-29

it was afar off-for they believed him to be the
ghost of some soldier starved on half rations,
in search of decent grave. He was asked by
the fat keeper of restaurant if he would have
anything to eat; and he answered with hol-
low voice-'Y Yes-grave-yard worms!
'In the mean while the phrenologist was not
idle !; he applied his remedies to the wounded
head; the fracture became healed and the brain
was relieved of the maddening pressure of the
cranium In about week the soldier was re-
lieved Of his ghastly capiut, and rejoiced in his
old one, much to his qualification and the relief
of the good citizens of the capital
sWhat is most astonishing of all, gentlemen,
he never quoted poetry afterwards; but his
mind went back to its original uncultivated
state he became just what he was before he
received the wound.
s'sBravo! Major, exclaimed Smilax, the
company are much indebted to you for a new
mode of laying aside the vital principle. Time
was when man minus his head lost the powers
of intellect, but, [ pefceive we have all along
been living In darkness and it may be true
that Lord LoreN palfed and talied-a halt
an hour after has head a0as cat off,
Sir, replied the Major rather indignant
ly, it is recorded in the history of the bloody
French revolution, that decapitated people have
spoken -
What the head or the body? asked the
captain.
g The head, of course, was the reply; I
once heard story of an Irish patriot which
will relate to you to confirm my theory of the
mind and body
''This patriot was excessively fond of the game
of nine pins, and was, at bowling, considered
the champion Of the Emerald isle. He was
tried and condemned for high treason, and sem
fenced to be beheaded His last request to the
sheriff, whose duty it was to carry out the SEN
AZ 1,o,
nine pins-only game or two before he died.
The humane officer granted him thirty minutes,
and stood by with his keen sword ready to do
his duty. The novelty of the scene drew to-
gether vast concourse of people, curious to
witness the last game of bowls of the brave pa
triot.
HE took off his coat rolled up his shirt
sleeves, and barred his neck, ready for the game
He rolled for some time, but failed to make a
full strike, until becoming yexed, he projected
the balls wildly and swore that he would play
until all the pins fell The sheriff became I'M
patient--still the doomed man rolled on with
his usual. bad luck. At length the sheriff
watching his opportunity, when the culprit was
about taking up ball, by a We-aimed blow
with his sabre severed the head from the body
it fell into the open hands, was rolled fercely
down the alley prostrating all the pins! a
8 Is it possible!' exclaimed Smilax. Yes,
continued the Major, and what is stranger,
the head exclaimed when the pins fell-'a
nine strike, by St. Patrick /
)" We'll, you astonish me-, said the Captain,
with mock wonder and credulity If any one
| else had told me that story [ would have ex-
pressed a doubt
Science is yet in its infancy replied the
Major, replenishing his pipe and resuming his
horizontal position; there are things common
to nature which are yet to be accounted for. x
With this remark, he subsided into state Of
semi-oblivion.
'sWe had been on short rations for a.week or
so, and there was much discomfort among the
men. The Commissary's department received
many hearty blessings from the rank and file; !;
but our mess fared comparatively, well, we
having enlisted into our service an intelligent
contraband, who knew every farm yard within
ten miles of the camp, and who was not partic-
ular as to whom he levied on-Union or Secesh,
it was all the same to him. The unfortunate
shoat that happened to protrude more than half
his carcass beyond the domains of his rghtful
owner, was considered fair game for his strate
gy, and became lawful capture. Muckton
whose appetite was always keen, never lost his
loyalty except when the army was on short ra-
tions; deprive him Of his ''hog and hominy"
and he was suky and even indicative against
the government and all of its officials.
Look at me, fellers, exclaimed he one day,
after scanty NEAL Il am getting as lean as
them fiy-up- the-creeks | saw down In Skunk S
Hollow; they were SO paguey thin that they
had no shadow; Jehosaphat! man can feed
on air, and do fighting duty; I'll throw up my
commission and make tracks for some place
where can get something to eat.
g 'Pshaw! Ben, said Duncan, as he picked
the maggots out of mouldy biscuit, "a true
soldier would not grl,mble at hard fare You
must take things as they come; ours is a rough
and-tumble life, though do not agree with the
poet who sings
ga soldiers life is always gay"
There is a way to live under all circumstances.
| once studied economy as a science, and prac
tlsed 1t as an art. | do not mean that economy
which saves at the spiggot and lets out at the
bung- g-hole,' for some people are over nice in
their calculations, and in their zeal to fight shy
during hard times, are like man IN quag-
mlre, who, IN pulling one foot out, drives the
other deeper in. | was called an economical
man, for one very excellent reason: | had moth
ing to spend; my income was trife compared
with that of lawyer who could pocket thou
sands for opening his mouth three times, or a
physician who counted dollars by the beat Of
his patients pulse: Yet, [ managed to live,
and live well too, in my own way. Ii you want
to live, you must starve the body and fatten the
purse by following these rules mind you, l
speak of living economically in a populous city.
Hire no lodgings, for there are plenty OF pub
lie places not infested with house vermln, such
as the market houses church porticoes, bridges,
ct cetera; under them cheap lodging can be OBJ
tained and though your couch may be rather
hard, yet, console yourself with the thought
that many better man than yourself has often
had cause to search for the soft side Of a deal
board. If ont door lodgings do not agree with
you hire room in the attic story of some OBJ
scure building for dime week you will then
be a6oce the world, and be troubled by few vis-
itors for there are but few persons who would
not forego the pleasure Of seeing you, rath-
er than jeopardise their necks in endeavoring
to reach your exalted domicll.
"For breakfast, grind up burnt peas, boil them
in water, and imagine the decoction to be cof-
fee, cracker and the fin of a scotch herring
might answer for relish.
'sWhen hotels serve up free lunches at eleven
o'clock, be sure to patronlze them. Strut III
boldly with other gentlemen, swagger for mo-
ment round the room, drink a glass of water
with an air of independence, stating at the same
time that your stomach is very much out Of or
der, and that you can drink nothing strong,
though, if a friend should ask you, reluctantly
consent, and lay the consequences on his shoul-
ders; then carelessly walk to the table, nibble
little-and pocket some unobserved-
when you have satisfied the cravings of nature,
be off in a tangent
''Good soup may be made out of shin bone,
which you may snatch from the mouth of any
| dog arOund the market places. Fried bits of