Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1867-03-28
aFIt and Anmur.
"a little uonscnsc now and then
L. rulishcd by the best Of men,
ToPER's EXCUSE.

ToPER's ExcUsE.-
"Thcn 20 the Lord old Noah said,
The water now tastes very badi
because there has been drowned therein
All beasts and sinners in their sin
'Tis therefore, Lord, ever think
would prefer some other drink"
Take care when you buy, that you
are not sold.
The only shares that are sure TO
turn up all right--plowshares.
Punch says that resolutions are the
best proof Of governments irreso-
luton.
When is a young mans arm like the
Gospel When II makes glad tho
waist places.
An rrchin remarked that the chief
branch of education in his school was
the graceful birch branch.
What is the difference between a
tunnel and speaking trumpet ? One
is followed out and the other Is hol-
lowed in.
"Now, papa, what is humbugy" 1t
is" replied papa, "when mamma pre-
tends TO DO very fond Of me, and puts
no buttons on my shirt"
An old lady, reading an account of
q distinguished old lawyer, who was
said to be the father of the New York
bar, exclaimed: "Poor man ! be had q
dreadful set of children"
A man was asked what induced
him to make law student out Of his
son. "Oh, he was always a lying lit
tie cuss, and | thought it no more
than right to humor his leading pro-
pensity."
A Dutchman, few days ago, pick
ed up bound volume of documents,
on the back of which was stamped,
"Pub. Docs" Ter teyiul," said be,
vat kind of books will dey print next!
AS l lif, here ish one on pup togs."
"Charlie, my dear" said a loving
mother TO a hopeful son, just budded
into breeches, "Charlie, my dear, come
here and get some candy" 81 guess
won't mind it now, mother" replied
Charlie, "I've got in some tobacco"
Mrs. Paltington is in New York.
She came in from Boston as soon as
she learned by telegraph that gold
was falling rapidly in Wall street, but
after several unsuccessful attempts 10
get into the shower, is going back q
disappointed woman.
A man named Aaron Bc1bng re-
Gently applied 20 ihe Kentucky Leg
stature b have bus name changed.
He says his sweetheart, whose name
is Olivia, is unwilling he shall be call
ed A. Bedbug, she o. Bedbug, and tho
little ones, little Bedbugs.
"Jenoy,' said a venerable old man
to his daughter, who was asking his
consent to accompany her urgent and
favored suitor to the altar, Jenny, it
is very solemn thing to get mar
red." II know it, replied Jenny,
"but it's a heap solemner not to-"
81 say, milkman, you give your
cows too much salt y "How do you
know how much sal. ] give them p
a think l Judge from the appearance
of the milk you have brought us late
ly. Salt makes the cows dry, and
then they drink too much water-that
makes their milk thin, you know"
A lady went the other day, into a
dry goods establishment, and while
examining some articles, another lady
entered in search of don't blush la
dies, some undrcss muslin. Not wish
ing TO use this simple term, with sew
eral audible and diminutive hens, she
said 10 the attentive clerk, "Have you
any muslin that isn't up in the morn
ing p
A female freedman was brought be-
fore the Mayor the other day at Alb
erdeen for fighting. "This is your
first fight, is il not Peggy" asked the
Mayor. "Bress your soul, no, massa,"
was her energetic reply, "when we
used to blong to DIR. W, we fit
constant Dare want no police both.
ern folks business in dem times"
Going down street the other day
we overheard the following colloquy
between two american citizens OF
African DESCENT
"See heah Sam who's going to make
dc greltest stir in de new Congress p
dc greatest stir, Julius ! Why Gen.
eral Butler ! 'spects."
"Why so, Sam z"
"Why Julius, you see he's got do
spoons to do it with! 70
Too Coon TO DE- Losr-A day or
two since, two members of the West
Virginia Legislature were engaged in
conversation on the Lord 3 prayer,
when one offered TO bet the other FIVE
dollars that he did not know il. The
bet was accepted, and by agreement,
the Legislator was TO repeat it, He
commenced as follows:
"Nov lay me down to sleep,
pray the Lord my soul TO keep.
II l should die before ! wake,
pray the Lord my soul to take"
"Well, | declare replied the aston
ishcd Member, II did not think YOU
knew it, whereat he handed him the
Ave dollars.
Mrs. PARrIEGToS AND IKE -"For
PHYS sakes, what are you doin p said
Mrs Partington, us Ike came in, ele-
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