The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1867-04-06
H q M OR 0 U s
Cousin Sally billiard.
BY HAMILTON C. JONES.
[PuIAshca Ly ReQucst.l

a bcardlcss disciple of Thcms rises and thus
addresses the Court "May it please your
Worships, andyou, gentlemen of the jury since
it has become my fortune (good or bad will
not say.) to exercise myself in legal dsquistion,
it has never bcGalcn me to be obliged to prose-
cute so drciully marked ASSAULT more wilful,
violent, and dangerous battery, and finally
more dabolical breach of tho peace, has seldom
happened in civilized country; and dare
say it seldom has been your duty to pass upon
one SO shocking to benevolent feelings, ms this
which took place over at Captain Rcc's in
in this county; but you will hear from tho
witnesses"
The witnesses being sworn, two or three
were examined mud dcposed One said that he
heard the noise but did not sec the fight; an
o;i'cr chat he saw the row, but did not know
vino struck first and another that he was very
drunk and couldn't tell much about the skrim
marc. .
Lawyer Chops-I am sorry, gentlemen, to
have occupied your time with the stupidity of
the witnesses examined. 1t arises, gentle
ncn. from misarprchcnsion on my part. Had
l known, as now do, that had witness who
was acquainted with al the circumstances Of
the case, and who was able to make himself
clearly understood to the court and iury.
should net have trcspasscd so long on your pa
,icncc. Come forward, Mr. Harris, and be
sworn
So forward comes the witness a fat. chuffy
old man, a '.lcctlc" corncd, and took his oati
with an air :
Chops-lIarris, we wish you to tell about
the riot that happened the other day at Captain
Riccs, and as good deal of time has already
been wasted i'll crcuInlocutien, we wish you, TO
be compcndious, ut the same time ,s explicit
as possible.
Harris -Adzakly (giving the laSyor know
ing wink. at the same time clearing his throat),
Captain Rice he gin treat, cousin Sally Dill
lard she come to our house and axcd me if my
wife, she nontn't 90 told cousin Sally Dill
lard that my wife Wa; poorly, being as how she
had touch Of the rhcumatis in the hip, and
| the big swamp Was up ii, the road, there havin'
been great deal of rain lately, but howsocycr
is ii was she, cousin Sally Dillarl, my wife
axel .lse if Nose he moutn't 90 I told cousin
billiard that lie was foreman Of the crap, and
the crap Was smartly in the grass; but, how
somcvcr, it was she, cousin Sally Dillard
Nose he mout 90
Nhops-In the name of common scnse
Mr.. Harris, what do you mean by this rigma-
role?
WiincsS-Captain Rice he gin treat. and
cousin Sally Dillard She come over to my house
and axcd me if my wife She moutn't 20, and 1
told cousin Sally Dillard-
Chols-Stop. sir, if you please, We don't
want to hear about your cousin Sally billiard
or your wife; tell us about the fight at Ricc's.
Witncss-Wcll, will sir, if you will let
Chops-Wcll, sir 20 on.
Witncss-Wcll, sir, Captain Rice he gin
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she come over
to my house, and axcd me if my wife she mout
90.
Chors-hcrc it isagain. Witness please do
stop.
Witncss-Wcll, sir, what do you want
Chops-Wc want to know about the fight.
and you must not proceed with this impcrti-
ncnt story Do you know anything about the
matter before the Court?
Witncss-To be sure do
Chops-Wcl, go on then, and tell it, and
nothing else.
Witncss-Wcll, Captain Rice, he gin a
treat
Chops-This is intocrabc May it please
the Court, ! move that the witness be commit
ted for contempt. He seems to be triAing
with this Court.
Cour-W Witness you arc before the court Of
justice, and unless you behave yourself in a
more becoming manner, you will be sent to Jail !;
50 begin, and tell what youknow about the fight
ut Rcc's
Witness somewhat aarmcd) Well gentle
men, Captain Rice he gin treat, and Cousin
Sally Dillard-
Court-(after dclbcrating)Mr. Attorney,
the Court is of the opinion that We may save
by letting the witness so on in his own way.
Proceed, Mr. Harris, with your story, but
stick to the point.
t,\V;.,oc. VI, ,ro,t1o,ron W,I N,,t,;,