Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1867-08-22
From the New Albany CONNER cial,
Indiana Rumor.
HOW BOB Virgins "BILKED" THE PATENT
TOOTH POWDER MAN.

HOW BOB virgins "BILKED" THE PATENT
TOOTH POWDER MAN.
A few years ago, an itinerant vender of
harmless compound of lilly white and
the essence of lavender, mounted a dry
goods box, on the corner of Pearl and
State street, and spreading out before him
an open valise stuffed with small bottles
done up in fancy papers, began to sell to
large and appreciative audience, that
miraculous white wash known to the
pearmacepia of the American quack as
Swindle & Humbug's celebrated Scandi-
navian Toothpowder, warranted TO polish
every description of ivory, down to the
molar teeth of super animated omnibus
horse, at the democratic sum of twenty
five cents per bottle. The vender OF this
truly wonderful gum soap was in fine
voice and spirits, sung several melfuous
ballads, played on the banjo, and the d.
lapidated fractional currency poured in
upon him like spring freshet.
He remarked a great many funny things
astonishing
The gaping rustics ranged around,
with words OF learned strength and thunder-
ing sound
And still they gazed, and still the wonder grew,
That one small head could carry all he knew.
"Feller citizens" he observed, ~ don't
look much like rich man, but l am
making more money than fifteen TWEEN
tleths of you put together. | was raised
TO this profession and understand it as
well, if possible, as l do the Ten Com
mandments, III bet any man in the crowd
ten dollars that can sell more of this be-
nlgn and miraculous tooth-w in ten
minutes than be can in fifteen.
"Pull up right there! I'll take that
bet." said voice in the crowd.
The sole proprietor of that melodious
voice was Bob Wigging, from Posey
county, who is up here to attend the "hoss
fair" Bob made his way through the
assembled yeomanry and mounted the box
by the side of the man of the tooth DOW
der, who looked as though he didn't ex-
sctly like the turn things had taken. But
the crowd laughed, as crowds always will
under such circumstances, and he lacked
the courage to back out. The "preimi-
narles" were soon arranged, and it was
agreed that the professor of the tooth-wash
should exhaust his ten minutes and then
let Virgins follow in CHS own way, with
out the slightest interruption from the
former.
Wlgglng descended from the box, and
the other threw off his coat, turned his
tongue loose and shot off his mouth like
revolutionary blunderbus, scattering far
and woe. He Kepteverybody in the best
sort OF humor, and at the expiration of his
ten minutes had sold five bottles of his
Incompatible whte-wash, and considered
the bet won. Virgins then mounted the
boX-hls first appearance on any stage as
retail dealer in patent medicines-and
proceeded to business without smile-as
solemn, IN fact, as if he had come to preach
the funeral of his grand mother.
u" In the language Of the Hon. Obediah
Perkins," said he, "Fellow citizens of the
United States of Indiana and Floyd
county have a preparation here which,
unlike poppeys and mandradora, and other
malicious and mischievous soft soaps of
the world, will restore the lost teeth of
your great grandmothers, and bring them
back to their original and pristine beauty
and usefulness. 1t is warranted by no
less responsible an individual than the in
tluental and highly respectable and re
sponslble gentleman whom [ have the
honor temporarily to succeed in this lu-
cratlve business. 1t will cure and clean
everything from a decayed tooth to a
wooden leg. | know it will accomplish
everything, for I've tried it myself and
have used it in my family for twenty-five
years. And now, gentlemen, l want to
sell you some Of this delicious preparation.
and here 1t is, limited supply on hand
and the demand constantly increasing. I
am the duly accredited agent of the
American Benevolent Association for the
amehoration Of the condition of the nm
washed portion of suffering humanity and
lam instructed to sell you this powder at
the unprecedently low price of five cents
per bottle, three bottles for ten cents. or
twenty-five cents per dozen"
"Hold on there master" exclaimed the
powder man, rushing frantically through