The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1867-04-24
From the StLouis Republican.
AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL THE
HOTELS in MISSOURI.
By Sandy O'CalIighan who has
been there.

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giant letthers BY famous gitlemen to their con-
shtuents, which they call open letthers, and
by me sowl think they are very wide open
indade. some of them, though | wouldn't wish
to shpake disrespectful of their honors at all,
by no means. But ! was Just after saying
| that was reminded by them, by which l
| name the open letthers, that ] have large
constituency meself, bein a hummer, extern
ding from COMMENSURATE they have
no hotel at all, and niver a miskitta bar in all
the town-to Rockport, where they kape the
manest whiskey intirely, aud sell shwate ap-
plies, six for tin cents. II deem it proper"
if | may with reverence be allowed to use
| the language of the famous gintlemen men
shioned above, to address you, the great Pub
lican party of Missouri, a bit of advice, to
| which l .sud turn your ~ 4shun, by raison
of which we-nay be able TO make clane
shwape OF all the Offices, and some of the
same are very much in made of "a clane
shwape indade, not having faade the acquin-
lance of a broom since before the war, a.
am informed by the ouldest inhabitants, tho
is dacent man, and lives in abriekdsouse-
vidy, Parker House at Sedalia, which consh
tituent l coud advise, in friendly way, to
leave the ranks of our party, atlasgoit to max
| ing soap, which is an honest thrade, and
move on level with his jaynus, and ship a
box as soon as convanynunt to alch OF the
hotels in Plaisaut Hill, G. o. D..
Friends you must organize, and be pre-
pared to meet the foe, with invinclbie rules
of the house." Remember that all men are
| YOUR foes except the bummers, the raison of
which is because you always give them the
| highest rooms in the house, where there is
no stove, and niver any charge for FIRE, except
at the bar. And they pay three dollars day
| and perquisits, or four dollars and half, as
/ the case may be at the Herndon House,
| Omaha-who is not member of our party
to be sure, but a sympathiser-and they get
waited ON as soon as convaynunt, and some
| times Immediately after the boarders, who
ate at separate table, not bein allowed to
| come near us, and occupy the sorry rooms
! near the ground, as is reasonable, because
they pay siven dollars livery blessed wake.
| Which layes an Elegant impresshun ON the
bummers, and whin their frinds ask them
| where to 90, they always tell them to go til
| your hotel if there is no other hotel in the
place.
And now, by your lave, would ask your
attention to the following rules and illustra
shuns:
| LIST. Instruct aich waiter to stick to his OWL
table, and if there is nobody there, till him &c
lane agin the wall, and let nine men who are
waiting at another table for bit climate and
pratie, take a view ofhis purity proportions
vidy, the man who kapes all the hotels in Chi
licothe, there bein such family resimblene,
betwane them as to lave no doubt on m,
mind that they are kept by the same man.
End. Procure some of the good ould blood
ed stock perennial bed bugs, that never
Shape summer nor winter, and are piously in
clined, bein willin to 60 to mass wild Teller OF
Sunday, which may be had at the brick no
tel in Cfarksville, and now and thin a littl
r haste of undoubted pedigree at the big hote
in Atehison.
Sd. Whin fire is ordered, charge a dolla
for putting it in, and if it winks out, light i
next day, and charge the mkt man dollar
7 Three sticks will last a wake. And if tn
stove shmokes, tell him there are plenty o
other stoves In the house that don't smoke
but they are in the boarder's rooms.
Widout the bother fony more particulars
| wud call your attenshun to the common
law on the subject, as expoounded at the Pa
ci6c House in ST. Joe, wild dale of illoquen
? illustrashun, which I'm thinkin will give al
necessary instrucshun to the stupidest spal
peen that liver hoisted our banner of "Enter
tainment for Man and Baste" Get their re
safe for making hash-so cool and shloshy-
and ask them where. they catch their mack
e eral-.he shwate little fishes, wild taste c
s the beautiful briny say, strong upon them.
O 9th. Which is important, and l forgot t
menshun it above-remember that catfs
Is ''baked trout" as soon as liver it has passe,
over the gridiron or swan through skilie
of hot grease.
In the way of giniral remarks, I'm think
in it's aisy for body to see how thing ough
to be done, but not so aisy to do it that sam
E way. Which is how so many of us come t
, be operating in the other sphere instead q
, the right one. It's the natest thing intirel
l whin body comp-ehinds what he is born 70
}. and does likewise.
RI Whinever you have it in mind to kape
: hotel, bethink you whittier you was born wit
a jaynus that way, and thin consider if you
wife has a jaynus for it, and if you hay
none, and your wife has none, don't kap
.4A t,5s