The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1867-06-20
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

| The best dowry to advance the mar
rage Of {. young lady is mildness i'll her
| countenance; wisdom in her speech mo-
| desty in her behavior, and virtue III her
life.
No tune, it is said, is so popular, yet
SO hard to catch, as fortune
Noah was probably the first person
who Went to sea for being drowned.
The man who ''couldn' stand it any
longer has taken a seat, anu NOW feels
quite comfortable.
We may safely affirm the great mass
ignorance OF the means Of happiness.
A Chinese thief having stolen a mis-
slonasy 5 watch, brought it back next
day to be shown how to wind it up
There is whole sermon in the saying
OF the ferslan Ia ali Qualrais leave
open the door OF reconciliation We
should never forget it.
katy, have you laid the table cloth
mem-everyth but the eggs; and ISL
that Biddy's work p
Gratitude for kindness shown. ack-
noWledgment Tor fav0rs received. are UNI
erring marks OF good breeding, and indi-
cations OF Christian character
Sincerity is to speak as we think, be-
ileVe as we pretend. act as we profess,
perform as We promise, and really be
what we would seem and appear tc be.
A student riding, being ieered on the
way Tor wearing but one spur, said that
II one side of his horse went on, it was
not likely tina the other would stay be-
hind
The people of North Andover. Mass,
dedicated a fine building they have just
erected for town hall and high school,
at an expense Of $4,000.
81 wonder" said Scotch maiden,
what my brother John sees in the lasses
that he likes them sac we'll; for my part
L wad nae gle the company o one lad for
twenty lasses.
A female school teacher, in her adver-
tlsement, stated she was complete mis-
tress of her own tongue" If that the
case, said a caustic old bachelor ''she
can t ask too much for her services"
''When was Rome built?'' inquired
school inspector. ''In the night, sir,
was the ready reply. I'm the night
said he, low do you make that out?''
why, sir, you know Rome wasn't built
in day e.
ssLook here, boy" said a nervous
gentleman to an urcllln who was MUNICH
ing candy at a lecture, you are annoying
me very much - mo, L am either.
cautiy.'
An old miser, who was notorious for
self denial, was one day asked why he
was so thin. II do not know said the
miser Il have tried various means for
getting tatter, but without success.
Have you tried vicJuas?' inquired the
friend.
\ butcher let a sailor have shoulder
OF mutton on trust, but finding a day or
two after that he had gone to foreign
land, said: MY word but if had
known he never intended paytag for is, |
would have charged d penny a pound
more for it I
Wedde1 burn once asked Sheridan how
he had got rid of his Irish brogue, as he
wished to get rid OF his Scoth accent.
Ny dear fellow, said Sheridan, don t
attempt such thing. The House lis
tens to You now, because they don un
derstand YOU; but if you become intel
ligible, they will be able to take your
measure.
As the afternoon way train was coming
from Baltimore, recently, the brakeman
calling out the names OF the way stations,
shouted out in explosive tones, 'Jessup's
Cut!' '.Was he hurt much p inquired
a demure-looking passenger; whereupon
there was a general laugh, and the brakes
man. opening another car, called out, in
a lower key, 'Jessup' Cut
\ recent English work on diamonds
and other precious stones says that but a
small portion of the gems sold and Worn
are genuine. The diamond mines of Col
conGa are giving out, and those OF India
are rapidly falling. The scarcity of real
gems has been met by the ingenuity OF
counterfelters, who manufacture spuri-
Gus gems chat frequently deceive
expert connoisseurs. Large quantities
of false gems are made in Birmingham
and Paris. aud shipped east, where the
orientals sell them to credulous European
travellers as the real article.
Do you keep matches? asked
would be wit, of a retailer. 'Oh, yes,
all kinds, was the reply. ''Well, then,
Il take . trottin@ match The retailer
Immediately handed box Of Brandreths
pills to him.
''Where are you going so fast, Mister
Smith :? demanded Mr. Jones. Home,
sir, home; don't dctain me; have just
bou sht ny wife new bonnet, and |
must deliver it before the fashion changes
Ion { detain me.
Nothing like love and hunger to drive
a man mad or make him happy. Next
TO ii feast upon a seventeen year old pair
Of sweet lips under grapeviner by moon
light, Is ioray upon a platter of cold
beans after fishing for suckers all
day. The one fills the poetic heart, and
the other an empty stomach.
4 political convention in New England
several years ago nominated quiet, Well
io-do farmer for the office of lieutenant
Governor. The nominee graclously re-
ceiyed the committee appointed to wait
upon him at his residence. and after eX-
pressing his thanks for the honor confer
red upon him, informed the committee
that he had peculiar qualifications for
gentlemen" said he, THAI is just the Of
flee have held in my house for the last
twenty live years.
A bishop, who was fond of shooting,
in one Of his excursions, met with a
friends game keeper, whom he sharply
reproved tor inattenton to his religious
duties, exhorting him strenuously to go
to church and read his Bible. . The