New-York tribune., 1867-08-02
THE DESTRUCTIOY or THE CROPS.

THE DESTRUCTION or THE CROPS.
A hideous plot has just been discovered in
Pennsylvania, having for its object the de-
structiOn of the crops throughout the country.
The band of midnight conspirators, who met in
Philadelphia, have long meditated sweeping
blow, by which all kinds of Food should be
forever annihilated. We have the full par
ticulars of this vile conspiracy, of which the
notorious Joe Flanagan was the chief Flan-
agan has long been known as one of the bitter
enemies of the great political parties from both
of which he has repeatedly been expelled, un-
der aggravating circumstances. Writing un-
der this disgrace, he resolved to ruin them both,
that his own small party might spring sud
denly into power. Various plans were sug-
gested throwing vast quantities of strychnine
into the lakes and rivers was thought OF, but
rejected as it was known that the Democrats
never drink water Then it was proposed to
put arsenic in the whisky, but this was
also abandoned as utterly harmless to the
Republicans, and because the immense
quantity of whisky consumed by the Demo-
cratic party would dilute, till it became power
less all the poison that could be obtained.
Other plans, costing to execute five, ten, and
thirty dollars each, were rejected as too OK
pensive. The plot was rapidly becoming what
the Philadelphia papers call an imbroeio'
when as Joseph was one day mingling his tears
with a plate of soup, it occurred to him that
the capabilities of soup as an engine OF natiohai
destruction had never been thoroughly devel-
oped. He thought with admiration OF the
superb scheme by which the Union-ConserVa-
tive Hunger Committee of New-iork lnteho
to turn Gen. Grant in n SOup-Ladle, ana now
he might initiate if not excel their effrontery.
Before the soup was finished, the plot was
matured.
Joseph contemplated nothing less than the
creation of a Famine throughout the land.
Five or six men equal i'm capacity to himself
might, he thought, speedily produce famine
if the opportunity were afforded. With this
end in view he made known his nefarious
scheme to one John Welsh, one Cosshall, one
SAWYER, and one Bevan. Dreadful oaths OF
secrcsy were sworn over bowl of soup, and
the conspirators in their midnight conclayes
practiced nightly, and tested their power OF
consumption. The result inspired them with
enthusiasm and confidence, and their long de-
privaton of office. formerly regretted. was now
looked upon as a Proyidental overTuling in
of this practice was followed by such an alarm
ing rise of the price of food in Phlladelphia
that the conspirators were obliged TO deslst Tor
want of funds, and compelled to strike the
blow. They left Philadelphia, where the price
of provisions Immediately fell and went to
Washington. where it Immediately rose.
Their scheme was to ask the President to
appoint them to office. That done, the fate of
the nation would be sealed. They had OBJ
tanned, by peeping through the key-holes of the
Agricultural Bureau, the knowledge that the
wheat crop would he 200,OOO,0O0 bushels the
Indian corn crop, 1000 900 bushels; the oat
CROP 100000 900 bushels; the rice, barley, rye,
and other crops, 500OOO,0OO bushels, and these
statistics filled them with gratitude to Provil
dence Joseph decided that each of the five
consprators should hold as many offices as he
could get; that the crops should be divided
into five rations, To he equally distributed, he
being responsible for the consumption of the
rye-baked or distilled, rs personal idosyncra-
sizes should determine. Everything being thus
settled, the five nspirtors-dsguising their
hunger lest il might reveal their plot--waited
upon the President and requested to be APP
pointed Postmasters But, fortunately for the
country, Mr. Johnson lnNltcu tntHl to uhhhci,
and after witnessing that performance with
astonishmcnt and fear, plainly told them
that in duty TO his own family he could
not grant their request. He could not
contemplate without weeping he said the spec
tacle of Minister Campbell crying for bread in
vain. of Steedman and Fullerton reduced to
the necessity of dev0uring each other, and ex-
piring Office holders everywhere reproaching
him with their untimely ends. No, gentlemen,
he said, firmly, | cannot permit you 10 reverse
the miracle 10y which u few fragments were
made 1900 loaves, and to turn l2,OO0,OOO,OOO,-
OOO,OOO 900 600, ,OOO, 900 100000 loaves into
few fragments. Hearing these terrible words.
the conspirators burst into tears, and retired,
resolving to extOrt from Gen. Grant his views
upon the impartial distribution of SOUP and of
fish balls as q reward of Spartan fidelity to the
Constitution. Such was the narrow escape of
the people of this country Had the archcon-
spirator Joseph and his myrmidons obtained
Office, the crops would have been devoured,
the Democracy and the Republicans annihi-
lated, and starvation would have stared the
nation in the face.
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The discrepancy between the statements OF
noo p,tlor onl Mr. Ould resnectinp the