The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-12-06
Misrellaneous.
THE HOTEL CLERK.

TIE lively amusement correspondent
of the Chicago Tribune gets off the fol-
lowing, which will be appreciated by
all who are in the habit of patronizing
the hotels of that or any other city:
| approach you in timid frame of
mind to-day, with few hesitating
words on the subject of hotel clerks.
And appeal to you, O, omniscience,
is there greater person on earth than
the hotel clerk ?
y / have come to the conclusion that
there is not.
Earthly potentates, philosophers, war
riors and poets dwarf in comparison.
My eyes are open TO the enormity of
my ignorance and / freely own that l
did wrong in asking that young man
with the nice hair and stunning vest,
| if he would give me room on the sec
ond floor. | do not blame him that he
looked at me through his eyeglasses,
with tooth-picl in his mouth, for ten
minutes; that he then said he would be
back in minute and went off to play
billiards; that he was gone half an hour
and came back and read half a dozen
notes from widows in the house that
he then looked up and asked me what I
wanted; and then he sent me to the
fifth story. All this I ought to have
Expected.
| But the look he gave me was cruel.
| The glance which commenced at the
top of my hat ard went to the toe of
my boot, was too much. Was it not
enough to evince his superiority by or
dcring me to the fifth story? Why ex-
pose mo to that chilling look? Iknow
that should have begged that nice
young mans pardon for speaking to
him, but one cannot always remember
hotel etiquette.
And | went up to my den in the fifth
story thoroughly convinced that | had
no rights Il hotel clerk was bound to re-
| spcct, and did not ca to look at him
after that, and paid my bill through
the proxy of II man and Il brother who
knew the hotel clerk better than | did.
| Next to being Khan of Tartary, or
| Tycoon of Japan, | would be hotel
| clerk. He is Il subject of interest only
second to Barnum's gorilla-a being so
far elevated above the petty strife5 and
cares Of the world that he can look
down from his altitude upon us all and
smilngly consign Us to the devil if it
50 please him-a compound of arro-
gaucc, selfconplacency, don't care-a-
cu-sativeness, and utter disregard of or
dinary human beings, so strongly COM
pounded that it becomes sublime.
Aud / always revere sublimity of this
description. When he sent me TO the
fifth story with ii carpet bag in each
| hand, did not complain. | kissed the
hand that smOte.
| All that he does is done with an all
Of superiority. DO you desire to asccr.
tain what time the train departs? lie
lrcfcrs you to the Office of the company
and don't know whore it is. DO you
want to know where Bangs ~ Co. dc
business? He waves you to the direc-
tory of some other city and replaces his
whole mind on his tooth-pick. Ask him
for some tickets to an evenings pcrlor-
nance at the theatre, and he will crush
you with II glance, rs much rs to say
do | look like man in bOX-Oilice?
lie is master Of all he surveys, abso
lutte in his sway, wonderful in his make
lup, express and admiral in his func
l tions. lie knows everybody, and has ,
front seat at the opera. When he put:
his whole mind on carpet bag he cal
tell alta glance whether it contains ,
shirt and II toothbrush or iirst-clas
trouascau, and he can grade men int
their rooms by their coat buttons will
the utmost ease.
Ordinary impudence usually get
-nubbed, but there doe; not live Il mar
with courage enough to snub the hote
clerk. His impudencc is allied to geni
us. 1t has taken him years to reach it
and the painful hours Of study he ha
given to the characteristics of the tooth
pick are something wonderful to thinl
of.
When | retire from the pomps an,
vanities of this world, o, Tribune, am
have no further interest in sublunar.
matters, hope to be II hotel clerk.
can conceive of no epitaph more i'm
lpresslvc than the touching words-"H
WAS II hotel clerk"