The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-04-19
Directions to Husbands.
NOT TO BE READ By THE LADIES.

NOT TO BE READ By THE LADIES.
If your wife loves you, you need read
no farther, for these directions are not
intended for you. You need no direc-
tions. You can get drunk as often as
you please, be guilty of robbery assassi-
nation, battle, murder, sudden death
and privy conspiracy, and make your
wife believe, by means of a single kiss,
that you are one of the saints of the
earth. er- sF aas-
| For those husbands who only appar-
emily, not really, have the hearts oI
their wives, we lay down the following
directions: ii7ae h1
If on the wedding night you fail tr
pet drunk and break all your mother-in-
laws crockery, do something equally
Outrageous as soon as possible. You
will then always be able to scare youl
wife into submission by reminding hel
of what you have done and what you
may be provoked to do again. Fsa
/ If she is fond of entertainment, and
you are not, wait till, her fashionable
friends are assembled at the house, ano
then walk into the psrlor,with nothing
ION but your shirt and stockings. Ii
will doubtless have the effect of making
the ''company fly the roonl."
/ If you are fond of smoking pipe ant
pour wife complains Of your breath OIL
account of it, eat onions; it will maxi
her forget the pipe. 7''f.
/ If you have baby, groan as if you
last hour had come, whenever it Begin
, squalling at night. You will not thel
!. be called upon to walk it. .
!, As sick rooms are not pleasant, al
ways have some business that will keel
YOU down town the whole day, anc
]; half the night when your wife is sick.
j If your circumstances are such tha
you find it necessary to practice econ
omy, begin with your table, and dim
every day at a, restaurant.
! There are certain little things tina
must be done by one or the other o
every married couple. Impress upol
your wife that the performance of thes'
| is very distasteful to you, and force he
to attend to them herself. Amon|
them is the kindling of the fire in tn
morning. If you have no servant lie i
} bed and let your wife do it. Also wal
} for her to pour out the water for you +
: wash, brush your clothes, place you
slippers by chair before the fire
When all is prepared get out of bed an
dress yourself take care not to show b
5 word or look, that you appreciate tn
, little attentions that have been show
you. But if you find that any Of ther
/ have been overlooked, be very eros
and fretful during the rest of the morn
: ing.
| When you are asked to 60 out an
make an evening call, complain OF
very bad headache.
sf Make it point never to praise an
? dish on the table, especially the one yo
know your wife has given her persona
, attention. Such a course will suppref
any lurking vanity there may be j
!. her nature.
Y When you are in room togethe
e always occupy the most comfortabl
s seat, after having offered it to her
r such a way that she can't with an
propriety accept it. - l',- =.
d Give her the choice, of any dish yc
It are craving, after having repeatedly il
}, formed her what part you yourself pr
fer.
l. Keep her in perfect ignorance as
Q the condition Of yonl business, althOug