Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-06-07

the names of soma of your best friends? IN
quired gentleman of lady.
Certainly, she replied, 81 don't know
what my own may be year hence"
! A Colonel of volunteers repeatedly insist
ed as condition of his offer Of service,
Mind, we are not to go out of the country,
Mr.. Pitt! we are not to go out of the coun-
try,
Except suppose, said the minister,
coldly, Sin the case of actual INVASION
W1GGlNs was one day with friend, when
he observed poor dog that had been killed,
lying in the gutter. Virgins paused gazed
al the dead animal, and at last said; Here
is another shipwreck."
'.shipwreck, where" ="
why here's a bark that's lost forever" >"
His companion growled and passed on.
STRAY coutraband down South was late
ly Inspecting horse power in operation, when
be broke out thus
Mister, have seen heaps Of things in my
life, but / never saw anything where horse
could do his own work andride himself too.
AK old miser, who was notorious for self
denial, was one day asked why he was SO
thin.
do not know, said the miser, 81 have
tried various means for getting fatter, but
without success
Have you tried victuals?' inquired the
friend,
A SCHOLAR, a bald mau, and barber who
we're travelling together, agreed each to watch
four hours at night, in turn, for the sake Of
security. The barber's lot came first, who
shaved the scholars head when asleep, then
walked him when his turn came. The scholar
scratching his head, and feeling it bald, ex
claimed: ''You wretch of barber, you have
walked the bald man instead of me-
A LADY in Nashville, on mercy bent, was
making a visit to the penitentisry, and was
permitted to lock through the various wards,
In one room she saw three women engaged
in sewing, and turning to the keeper, who was
showing her about, said to him in an under
tones
''Dear me the viciousest looking women
I ever saw in my life What are they put
here for2'
''They are here, he replied, because
am here; they are my wife and daughters,
madam
But the madam was travelling out as fast as
possible.
A TEXAS paper tells of young couple who
eloped on horseback accompanied by clergy
man who was to marry them. The lady father
gave chase, and was over taking the party when
the maiden called ont to her clerical friend.
"Can you marry US as we run?'' The idea
took and he commenced the ritual, and Just
as the brides father cIutehed her bride rein,
the clergyman pronounced the lovers man
and wife. The father was so pleased with
the dashing action that, as the story goes,
be gave them his blessing.
The HEAD TURNED RoUND.-A crazy man
was found at a grindstone sharpening large
butcher knife, and now and then examining
the edge to see lift was keen.
"What are you doing here?"
Don't you see? sharpening this big knife
''Yes, but what are you going to do with it
when sharpened?'
"Cut old Ben Brown head off, to be sure
"Whatl you won't kill him, will your
tOh, no! | only cut his head off and stick
it right on again, hind side before, just to ct
the old fellow look back on his past life 1t
would take him all the rest of his life to re.
view it."
What queer idea the lunatie had in his
mind. And what if It were so, that every man
when he reached certain age had his face
turned around, and was obliged to spend the
rest Of his days in looking over his past life
Woulda't there be strange sights. Sunday
School Times.
How TO MAKE A WATERFALL
Take four pounds of rags and bunch of
shayings,
An old tin pan and bunch of straw;
Then steal an old hat of somebody's leaving
And swear it's your own to get clear of the
law.
Next get an old stocking and stuff ii with pa
per,
And, if it's possible, put in mole;
Then get some old china and nutmeg gra
ter,
Then make them all up in rice little roll |
Put all these things in net of red,
And glistening beads must cover them all; |
Then fasten it on the back of your head,
And you have love of a waterfall"
~ LOBE WOOLEN FACToRY.-20,O 900 LBS. |
Y OF W00T. WANTED