Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-05-31
Anmorons.


.-TElL .he truth and shame the devil I
know lots Of people who can shame the devil
easy enutf, but other thing bothers en-.
A VAx writes from Pixies Peak that the
miners are aearIy discouraged. They are Oh
liged TO dig through a vein of solid silver four
feet thick before coming to the gold
WHcn measures the most, the exact dis
lance Of statement that is beyond belief,
or the precise elevation Of the gentleman who
was above telling lie?'
A Lazy playfuliy condemning the wearing
Of whiskers and moustaches, declared; 1T is
one Of the fashions invariably set my face
against
..TouVE. my son, said fond mother, .'do
you say your prayers night and morning."
Yes that is, nights: but any smart boy eau
take care Of himseifin the daytime.
a SGs author asked an editor his opinion
ofhis books. The answer was, Il have found
great deal Of good and original matter in
them: but hat was good was not original and
what was original was not good
Mas PAarNeroS says the only way to pre-
vent steamboat explosions is to make the en-
giBeers bile the water on shore. It's her
opinion ali Dustin is done by cooking the
steam on board.
AN unwa=hed street boy being asked what
made him so dirty. his reply was i vas
made as they tell me, of the dust Of the
ground, and I reckon It IS just now working
out
MzS are ike bngles; the more brass they
contain the more noise they make. and the
further yog can hear them. Ladies are like
violets: the more modest and retiring they
appear the better you ike them.
LOOK here, boy" said nervous gentle
man 10 an urchin who was munching candy
at lecture, you are annoying ne very
much. No, l amt neither, said the ur-
chin, I'm gnawing this ere candy"
Az insurance agent urging citizen 70 get
his life insured, said: SECT your life insured
for ten thousand dollars, and then if you die
next week, the Widows heart viii sing for
Joy
mos, then, my hearties,' said a gallant
captain. you have tough battle before Jon.
Fight ike heroes till your powders gone,
then-run. I'm little lame and IN start
now
-'GEoEsE. asked minister of one Of his
parisAioner-s little boys, .'where Is your sis
ter Iiunie2'' 'Gone to heaven, SIR. what
is she-deade-' "Oh. no, cir; she went to bay
q box Of matches" ''WeIl, you said last
Sunday that matches we're made in heaven,
50 1 thought she went there"
WHAT city IN France is man about to visit
when he goes to get married? He is going TO
Havre haze her, An old bachelor being
asked the question: promptly replied: TO
Rouen raia. And young bachelor who
vas eourting a young lady named Anna. re-
piled that be vas not only going to HARE,
but also TO Havana (hars A1fna}.
All SoETs or DAWsELs.-A quarrelsome
young gdamsel-Ann-tagonisu1.
4 proud one-Sue-perb.
4 common, sensible girl-Matt- erialism.
j fighty young lady-Fan-cy.
a handsome young lady-Ella-gant
i dainty young creature-DeH-cate
A delightful young lady-E-Liz-iau.
A Transporting young lady-Carry.
4 girl great on bonnets '-Hatty.
A girl who twines around one-Cord-
A lady who is burnt out--Lu-Cinder.
a daughter in IsrseI-Jew-lia
a very slender young lady-Ann- -atomy.
A girl in pickle-Corn-elia.
A dealer in shellbarks-Nut-M Meg.
4 girl fond Of Apples-Core- ale.
a girl who has a tonge-Belie.
A lady married-Anne-ma.ed
a lady and gentleman in one-Henry- Eta.
4 regular Confederate-Reb-e ecea.
THE MoEM MARKEr.-The following re.
port of matters in the moral market has
been made. We hope it is not entirely cor
rect:
Honor-S-arce Old stock exhausted and
the new viii be a complete failure.
Virtue - Old growth nearly consumed.
Young growlh-prospects very unpromisiug.
Honesty in market
PatHOtisn-First quality scarce; none to
be disposed Of Second quality easily bought
on speculation at 100 per cent discount,
Prudeuee--An in the hands OF old stock
holders,
Modesty-StOck badly damaged. None for
sale
Vice Market oyerstockcd.
Market glutted.
Politeness Holders unwilling. to
dispose Of stock at present rates.
Scandal None genuine on hand. Stock
generally adHlterated. Very few investments
Love Noueoffered, except for greenbaeks. !
Talent-Searce article. Sold exclusively
Tor cash.
consistency-out of fashion.