The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1867-01-07
FACETIE.

Plumbago has been found in Western
New York. Lumbago is found every
where. We have little OF 1t IN our
back premises.
A rooster can't lay an egg, but, ac-
cording to an old superstition, he can,
by simply growing, lay ghost.
When an Irish priest rebuked his
parishioner for drunkenness, and told
| him that "whenever he entered an ale
house to drink his guardian angel stood
weeping at the door" "And If he had
sixpence he'd be in himself" was Pats
reply.
An Irishman was asked what was his
religious belief. "Is't me, bedad. ye'd
be asking aboutp said he. tits the
same as the widow Brady. owe her
twelve shillings, and she behaves III
never pay her, and faith that's my be-
lafe, too"
A clock is said to have the least self
esteem of any article of manufacture, as
it is constantly running itself down and
holding its hands before its face, how
ever good its works.
DRYDEN was so bound up in his books
that his wife one day exclaimed: 81
wish were book that might always
be in your society" II wish You were
an almanac, so | could change you ev-
cry year," replied lie.
Louis XIV, playing at backgammon.
had doubtful throw. dispute arose,
and the surrounding cOurtiers all re-
manned silent. The Count de Graminon,
| happening to come in that Instant,
decide the matter" said the King
tSire." said the Count, ''yOur Majesty
is in the wrong" Chow can you thu.
decide" asked the King, without
knowing the question: Because"
said tho Count, "had the matter been
doubtful, all these gentlemen present
would have given it for your Majesty
In an Episcopal church in the north
of Scotland porter employed during
| the week at the railway station does
duty on Sunday by blowing the bel
lows of the organ. The other Sunday
he fell sound asleep during the service,
and so remained when the pealing of
the organ was required. He was sud
Uellly dNdhehcu W "io''i "''
when apparently dreaming of an APP
preaching train, he started to his feet
and roarcd with all the force, shrillness
of stentorian lungs and habit, Change
here for Elgrin, Lossiemouth and Burg
head" The effect upon the congrega-
ton sitting in expectation of concord
of sweet sounds, may be imagined.
The Dayton Journal publishes the fol-
lowing story of Platt Evans, which,
though old, will do to read again:
The famous Platt Evans, of Cincin-
natl, had an original mode of selecting
fowls, which did him good service on
one occasion. Going to market one
morning, Platt's attention was caught
by pile of dressed geese i'll mar ket
wagon. Now, Platt was very fond of
geese, but liked them tender. He had
been deceived in his selections, and re-
solved not to be fooled again. Approach
ing the farmer, Platt asked the ''p-price
of Your geese"-for Platt stammered a
Httle. The farmer replied, when quoth
Platt: ~ see you've got just d-dozen.
k-keep b-boarlers, and they are the
greatest eaters you ever saw. Are these
geese though! / want some though
ones to feed my b-boarders." The farm
er said there were several young and
tender ones in the lot. "Wwcll," said
Platt, "y-you pick out the though ones
and lay them in Il p-pile." The farmer
obliged him, placing all the tough ones
together, when Platt suddenly reMark-
ed. OH t-take these three" Selling the
three young and tender fowls which had
been so carefully culled by the farmer.