Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1867-10-07
A Hard Shell Sermon.

Ny frens and hearers, / will preach
onto you this day-win and weather per-
mitten--from the thirty-sevingth chapter
NV Isaisy, thirtysixth verse. An the
destroyin angel smote in the camp NV
the Syteenians hundred and toscore
and five thousing men-ah. And when
they riz up early in the mornin, behold
they was all dead corpuses An thus it
is, my unconverted frens and hearers,
that the destroyin angel stalks abroad
with his meat.ax, ready to sen us to the
boneyard before we kin set down to
breakfast-ah. And it is said, my frens,
that roses are red and violets are blue ah,
but its no use trying to honeyfuggle
round the angel Gabriel when he toots
his horn fur you to tuck yor tails and git
under dirtah.
"And when they riz up early in the
mornin, behold they was all dead cor
puses.
Ny wretched brethring and sistring es
l was riding along the road one day, |
seen man q settin on the top Nv his
fence, with doublebarrel shotgun on
his lap ah, an a swettin an fannin Nv
hisself with an old straw hat, and Gus.
sin NV the forth NV July, and North
Ameriky, an the Constitution, an the
Supreme Court, an the bird of liberty,
an the President Nv the United States ah,
an when hearn that man a cussin an
seen that big shotgun, thinks to myself,
in the words of the tex-ah
"An when they riz up early in the
mornin, behold they was all dead cor.
puses.
An | tole old Roam too wo, and sez |,
my ungody fren, if you swear in that
air way you will forever and eternally
ruinate yo immortal soul-ah, and never
git nbbe when you go fshin-ah; and
sez he, " You 90 too hell, you dam'd d ole
misshappen, misbegotten, mistake nv
creation ah, eff you had to git the grass
out of a cotting crap with free niggers,
you'd git upon a stump an cuss yoself
out Nv 70 dam'd ole yaller hide, an 90 to
hell for yo health-ah." An sez |, My
erin fren, it cuts me to the marrer TO
see you struggle in, the bondag NV sin
ah. An sez he, My punkin faced
customer, efyou kin cline that air tall
red oak tree thar an see anything in this
here miserable Ian but bondig and crab
grass you kin take my old hat for hen.
MESSIAH" And sez l, My hard swearin
fren, | am afeared you will never register
yo name in the book Nv eternal life ah. "
| And sez he, / went to town last Mon.
day to register an l could not git sight
Nv the book for the dam greasy niggers-
ah. "0h, mistaken human" sez /,
II trimble fur yo futur, fur you're on the
road leading too perdition ah. An
sez he, lyon air a dam'd ole liar, for
I'm on the road leadin to Benton-ah" /"
| heaved groan, my hearers, and sez |:
"Anwhen they riz up early in the morn
in, behold they was all dead corpuses.
And sez he, "Let EN- riz an be dam d
to allah" "Oh, my suffern' creetur,
sez /, "ef you would but sue fur grace
you might cum TO !jine thai heveniy quire,
and be 'mancipated frum the shackes NV
sin.ab.n An he cooked NV his gun and
sez he, " / had twenty.six likely niggers
mancipated on my hans wonst, and el
you open yo jaw bout Emancipation o me
agin I'll make buzzard vittles out NV
70 dam'd d ole swiveled up ciarkass befo
hell could cripple Nv gnat-ah, My
constant frens and hearers, when | seen
that wicked man a cockin Nv his gun-ab,
| begun to feel exceeding jubous, an the
words Nv the tex smoted upon my ear ah-
San when they riz up early in the
mornin, behold they was all dead
corpuses J."
But, my christian hearers, felt called
upon to try my han one more time on
! this obiurit man-ah; an seZ |, p" My
| 1 4 l. llxY
an forever dam dab, if you don't imme-
ietly git down ofner that air fence ah,
an 20 to sum, sc sequestered spot an pray
for your souls redemption-ah. " Aa' he
Jumped down ofner the fence, sare enuf,
but he didn't go to no sequestered spot
all but, my unconscious hearers, he
stuck that big ole dubble'barrel shotgun
close up to my reverend head ah, an sez
he, I've hearn a sequester was the next
thing to a conhscator, an eff that's yo
business in this here settlement you had
better begin to grow nifty dam small
an beautifully less ah An my hear
ers, it looked to me as ef a drove NV
mules could have trotted down the bar
rels NV that ole shotgun.sh, an | put
spurs to ole Roam, an ! gallupped
through the wilderness fur 70 an twenty
hours alb, an thinks l, my hearers, eff that
air man don't pull up soon, he'll get to
the end of his rope ah.
IAN when they riz up early in the
mornia, behold they was all dead
corpuses."
An shore enough, my patient hearers,
about three days that profanated man
was TUX up by the freedmans buro and
tried by a millingtary commission an
hung fur killing Nv a niger ah an
my lisnen frens and hearers, when | seen
him a standin on the great emensity NV
space and a kicken at the foth district,
sez too myself, in the languig NV the
inspired himister-ab,
One more sinner is dead and gone,
silver spade too dig grave,
A golden chain too let him down.,
A bugle horn too blow MIN on-ah.
/" An when they riz up early in the
morniu, behold they was all dead