The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1867-06-27
Odds and Ends.
Smile and grow Corpulent.
lis.cnr.teons institution-The dog law.

Smile ana grow COfpulehL.
A Gis-cur.teous institution-The dog law.
The miner Is happiest when his "Triumphs are
ORE"
Russian America, we see win be rich in furs from
the bear" facts in the case
When is a storm like fish after a hook? When
it is going to abate.
What animals are admitted to the opera? Pup
pies and White kids.
When is lawyer like a donkey: When he's
drawing conveyance.
How does a COW become landed estate? By turn
ing her into a field
Question for actors-Cana man be said to work
when he pays2
It is supposed that the who left the house
was not able to take it with him.
What Would be likely to give the best report of
fire? powder agazine.
Why should people older than yourself make good
feed for cattle? Because they are past-yorrage.
The Kansas ladies are sure they will get the suf-
frage. The single would prefer to get husbands
Why are people who stutter not to be relied on?
because they are always breaking their word.
Speaking of Indians and scalping, an exchange
says: saints alive, what would thoroughbred
sayto a chignony'
A Gloucester paper says there is young lady in
that town so modest that she will not allow the
GtristidB Observer to remain in her room over
night.
When a dutch maid servant wishes to go to
lance and has no swain Of her own, she hires cav
Ilier for the occasion. A beau with an umbrella re-
,eiyes double pay.
Among the list of penalties for the regulation of
Queen Elizabeths household was the following
That none toy with the maidens, on pain of four
pence"
An exchange suggests that Henry Ward Beecher
literally following the advice of Artemus Ward to
worthless young man. DO something. said
Artemus,n do something. If you can't get to be a
clerk to manure wagon, why write for the
Le0Ger."
" yn't you wheel that barrow of Goals, Ned {?
said a learned miner to of his ITS not
very hard job, there is inclined plane to relieve
5ou" All replied Ned, who had more relish for
yit than work. the plane may be inclined, but hang
ne if am"
'That's a very stupid brute of yours, John" said
Scotch minister to his parishoner, the peat dealer
Who drove his merchandise from door to door in
mall cart drawn by a donkey; Il never you but
he creature is braying" "Ah sir said the peat.
ealer, "ye ken the hearts warm when friends
leet."
In a town in Northern Berkshire, bereaved wild.
Nver was presented with bill of 50 for digging his
ife's grave. What" says he, two dollars for
igging a grave in thot soft spot?'
JOSH BILLINGS.
The Jealous Na1 il alwuz hunting
He IL alwuz a hunting for sumthing that he
ont eXpeckt tew find, and after he has found
t, then he IL mad bekause he haz Theze
ellers don't beleav in spoolls, and yet they are
bout the only folks who ever see emmy. A
ealous man IL alwuz happy jist in proporshun
U he IL miZerable.
Jeousy IL diseaze, and it is a good deal
ike Observation-Disclosures sick and kant
yOmit.
The Anonymous Nan boards at a red tavern
md pays for hiZ board bi tending bar occa
iOnally. He haint got any more karakter
han the jack of spades haz when it amt
rumps.
He IL loafer bi profession, without emmy
ices.
He rides on the box once in a while with the
lriver and nobody thinks of asking him for
tare fare.
He sprung from a respectable family; hiz
great grandfather iustiss NV the peace;
jut he haz not got vanity enuf tew brag on it.
He amt necessarily phool, emmy more than
l bulls eye watch IL; if ennybody will wind
him up, he will set still and run quietly down
The Stiff Han looks down, when he walks
lpOn folks. He don't seem tew have but one
imber jinte in him and that IL lokated in hiz
lozC.
He IL a Kind Of maskeline turkey, on parade
a barn yard.
He is generally loaded with wisdom clear
Up few the muzzle, and when he goes Oph,
makes a noise like a cannon, but don't dew
ny damage.
/ hev seen him fire into q crowd and miss
very man.
This kind Nv Stiff Man il very handy tew
after. They seem tew know they amt en-
tiled to a good article and, therefore, are
ltisfed with very hard soap.
There amt but fu men who git stiff on
hat they actually know, but most aul NV
ZEN get stiff on what they actually feel.
Stiff men are called aristCerats, but this
MT so. There amt no such thing as aristo-
ats in this country.
The country amt long enuff vet unless a
Van has got some in him.
Az gen raj thing, stiff men get mad dred-
Il easy, and hey tew git over it dreadful cas-
3kauze folks amt apt tew git big scare at
hat they amt afraid ov.
Stiff man had grandfather once who went
W Congress from our distrikt, ana there amt
le in the whole family that hay bin able tew
timber slnSe
The Model UaH never disturbs a hen wheI
5e is setting; never speaks cross to lost dorg
wuz puts five cent shinplaster in hiz ves
Jcket late Saturday night, tew hav it ready
tnday morning for the Church platter; rizei
lenever a lady enters the street kars; re
embers your uncle plainly and asks aftel
ii the family. Ifhe steps On kat's tale h'
sure to do il light, and Immediately asks he
lrdon; reads the phunny phellow, and latf
kause he kant help it; hooks up hlz Wife
ess and plays boss with the children. NeYe
eddles with the cream in the milk pans goe
lilly Ov errands, and Gums back III season
tends eyerybody's phuneral; kan alwuz tel
hen the moon changes; thinks just az yu d.
the other way if yu want him to; follow
Try bOddy's advice but his own; praktlce
ost ov the yirtews without KNOWN:
leads the lif Of a shOrn lamb: gifts sick atte
while and dies az soon az he kan, to saw
aking emmy further trubble.
The model mans vices are not feared no
is virtews respekted. He lives in the mem
ry Of the word just about az long az pleas
MT day duz.
He NAV be called a "clever Teller, and tina
,oDly libel; but he viii git hiz reward here
fter-When the birds git theirs.