The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1867-09-19
The Josh Billings Papers.
SUM ADVISE.


Nj yung friend, yu are about tew be-
gin life, and although it may seem dred
full impossible tew yu, nevertheless VI
will be liable tew make some mistakes
while you are scoring, or during the fus
mile or two.
Let me mix up little advise for VI
tew take till yu git tew trotting stiddy.
You will observe the advise IL design
ed for young gentlemen who show sun
sighns ov speed. and also that / reason
right from the shoulder.
l. Treat the old man and the old wo-
man az yure equals; smile when they ex
hort, and laff which they intreat, for nc
yung man kan hope. for suckcess in the
ornamental walks Nv life who don't weal
the belt at home.
?. II w kant raze a mustash, commit
suicide at once and begin agin for it is
better tew die than tn suffer disgrace.
3. Cultivate mpudense-impudense Is
goci substitute for bravery-ouly be a
little keerful tew pick your customers
when you try it.
4. Keep trotter and fighting rooster.
These animals will let yu into the konfi-
dense ov men who will match over yure
morals and nuss yure genius.
5. Avoid the old fogys; they are mis-
cradle set ov cowardly croakers, who, like
a third rate dorg. have larnt what little
they kno about yirtew bi simply being
overmatched in fair fight.
6. Suspekt aul femail virtew. This
will give yu an easy flow of ambiguous
languag while in the society of the Iadys,
and enable yu tew awaken confusion
which yu kan kali sumthing else.
J. Ii yu git desprit and must marry,
marry for ducats- marrying for blud or
for luv IL too sloppy for a man of spirits.
Luv IL a low pashun, and IL designed 70,
story houses on one OF the back streets,
net for brown stun front.
s. Ri aul means learn tn sware and
smoke freely, and don't ever mistake rain
water for milk punch, unless yu want a
soft thing.
g. Call religion stock .jobbers pigeon
to ketch flats with; say that virtew IL
only the galvanized impotence ov cow
ards; that Wlsdum IL but an egg that IL
added; laf at aul things that are solienl
and sware that Backus and Venus are
the only two gods tit tew be worshiped
Iung man, cultivate all the above
graces, and add to them what the ardor
OF you're genius may inspire, aud if the
boss jockeys and pimps generally don t
say you are cuss Of the brightest hew,
and if the devil don't make you some
hattering proposals, the days Of chivalry
are positively over, and pudding and
milk has got more glory into 1t than a
brandy smash. rum sour, OF even a
thomas and jerry.
Yung man Ia flu words with WI in pri-
waite, let these cheerful remarks settle
down into yu when yu git to rclekting al
III 0 clock su rainy mite.
Don't make fool of yurself by trieins
20 jump 65 feet at the jump and land
among the Bernoys at onst, but examine
yure bid ciussly and see if yu amt better
konstrukted for something honest
But if w find yu must go to despair
then put Oh aul the steam yu can carry
and either bust or git thare az fast "a.
possibel
L. S.-When va git thare and hav hac
onuh ov it, just drop me line and | vii
see what ken be did for yu. But don
forgit one thing-that the road back Is
three times as fur, and is all the way VI
hill besides