American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1867-09-04
NUMBER 81
WIT AND WISDOM.

BeA- There is nothing so difficult to hide
rs our follies.
Somebody says the ladies' pet ani-
mails are West Pointers.
| BsE~ "A great brute of a husbandr adver,
uses In the morning papers,for stout, abe-
bodied man to hold his wife's tongue.
psS~W may safely affirm the great mass
OF human misery to. have been caused by
ignorance OF the means Of happiness.
Gay the aim of an honest mans life is
hot The happiness which serves only him>
ser, but lhe virtue which is useful to others
BeS- Why are radishes like telegraphic
dispatches2 The most natural reply is. be-
cause they are re(a)1. The real answer,
however, Is because both must to taken cum
grano sails. I4ITs
p2E~ Jones and Brown met at the post
office Jones complains ofa bad smell about
the Office, and asks Brown what IL can DC.
Brown doesn't know, unless it may be tho
large number of dead letters
bsS-A dying West India planter groaned
out to his favorite negro servant "Ah,
Sambo, am going long, long journey ~
Never mind, Massa," said the negro, con-
solatorily, "him all down HILL"
Ba3~ Prefer solid sense to wit; never STUDY
to be diverling without being useful lot no
jest intrude upon your good manners, nor
say anything that may offend modesty or
heedlessly hurt the feelings of another
baS- The Machias Union tells of an ambi
tious biddy which has laid an egg with a
waterfall attached This attempt to follow
the fashion is evidence that biddy is subject
to the prevailing passion Of her sex.
IGy" An afflicted editor, swh, is troubled
with hand organs under his window, longs
for the 'evil days" mentioned in Etclesas-
ties, when the grinders shall csase because
they are few, and the "sound of grinding
shall be "low."
gsS~ As the steamboat Oregon was passing
few days since, a newly arrived Irisbmnn
belonging to the celebrated o Regain family.
was heard to exclaim 10 REGION
Regain oh, be jabers only four weeks in
this country yet, and n steamboat christened
| after me ~
| 9s5- A horrible crime is reported from the
! east side of the town. In the calm of the
evening-with nothing to provoke or extern
uate such crime "a balet-girl retired to
her own room and executed her grand pas
The coroner has not been notified,
Bs5@Une Of the boys in n New Orleans
| school was asked, alter various definitions
bad been gwen by others, mostly quite cor
rect, what was meant by the verb Co tantal-
ze. lie replied 'lt was to ask q great
man questions, and then to erticise the
| unswers.'
RES~ At council of Generals, early in tho
war, one remarked that Major - wns
wounded, and would not be able to perform
duty that was assigned him. "Woundedr'
said Stonewall Jackson "if it is really so,
think 1t must hnve been by the accidental
discharge OF his duty"
nely-''I believe that mino will be the fate
of Abel, said wife to her husband ono
day. why so?" inquired the husband.-
because Abel was killed by Club and
your club wil XIII me IT you continue to q
it every night"
Gs5n (Jnnes has been telling Robinson one
of his splitting stories. RoBINsov-"Ya-as
| it's very funny!' JoNEs-Then, why tho
deuce don't you laugh ~ RoBINsoNg"My
dear fellah, would with pleasure, but +
daren't Display any emotion--these trous,
ers are so tremendous tightp
5""Why don't you wheel that barrow
| of GOALS, Ned p sad learned minerao one
of his sons. st is not q very hard lob /;
there is an inclined plane to relieve .you.''
"Ah, replied Ned, who had more relish for
wit than work, ''The plane may be inclined
but hang me if am"
B1S- constable in Massachusetts, the
land Of education and grand moral ideas,
wrote the following notice:
II wyll xpose fir sail tho 5 day 1866 Of
Jan won lythe rome hors, or 80 much iharof
asma be necessary to satisfi sed eugmeut.r
lie was troubled with bal smell.
1.-TWO old friends met, after separa-
tion OF thirty-five years. "Well, Tom"
said one, show has the world gone with Won
old boy? Married YETI" ''Yes, and I've
anj one girl" II can match il exactly"
was the reply, "for have seven girls and
one boy
Gsy-A countryman going to market will,
load otpork, was met by young girl who
very genteely made him low courtesy,
when he exclaimed:
What do you made courtesy 10 dead
hogs ?'
"No, sir" answered the girl, "to live
one"
Bs5-A hymn sung by nm old negro wo
man down South runs thus:
'Ihears a rumblin' in do skies.
.c Jews, screws, de Fl dun
hears Iumblin' in the skies,
Jews, screws, de Fl dunn %
An inquiry elected the fact that the sec.
ord and fourth lines, which form a sort of
chorus, originally read, "Jews cruciied
him."
A DELICATE REoUEsT. A fellow went in
to the Clerks Office the ether day to geta
marriage certificate. After looking at the
instrument while he beckonod the clerk d.
sside. "Seeshere, mister" said be, conf
dentially, cant you date the thing back
about two months ~ The clerk assured him
that he could not.
"Well," said ne, 81 don't care ANYTHING
about it myself, but her folks rather insist
upon il"
T9UGH SToRY.---We overheard the fol-
lowing day or two since, which was con,
sitered by the listeners to be tough es-
pecally when il is known that the hero
could not be temple Ito lie." One gentle.
man was telling ola hens nest that he con-
structed with strap door" in the bottom,
which the weight of an egg would open
This being placed on barrel, " the biddie,"
afier laying one, looked fer it, and, finding
nothing, laid another, and so contiued to do
for several hours.
ss.0h that ia nothinO en- o sonr from, f-;anJ