davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

THE English lawyers have perhaps
had the best talent for not knowing
anything sutsideof their own dry arena.
As long ago as when Erasmus visited
England, in the days of Henry VIII,
and Sir Thomas Moore, he described
the English lawyers as "a most learn.
cd species of profoundly ignorant men,"
And in latter times, the famous Lord
Kenyon had not only an Ignorance
that would have astounded Erasmus
but genius for showing it in public
altogether without a parallel. De
scribing a number of eminent Chris
tians to the jury one day he capped
his climax thus: "Above all gentle
men of the jury, might l name to you
the Emperor Julian so celebrated fol
the exercise of every Christian virtue
that he was called Julian the Apos'
tie"
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31
opening and with single jerk Bill
had torn up a portion Of the flooring.

opening anu Win d shSio J'i
had torn up portion Of the flooring.
What do you suppose we saw?
There lay the three rebs, dressed in
dirty home-spun, huddled together at
the bottom of wide hole they had
dug beneath the centre of the house.
Bill was powerful fellow. He
seized one of the rebels by the nape of
the neck, and not only pulled him
out, but pitched him to the other end
of the room. One of our boys instant,
ly covered him with his revolver. -
Without waiting to rest, Bill served
the Others in the same way.
You ought to have seen him as he
turned to the women.
Well old sixpense, you're Union,
you ar and the old man; and alters
has bin? And you never seen a reb,
YOU never did, Miss Brass? Nor you
nuther, on your word and honor, Miss
Secesh ?"
They hung down their heads, blush
ed up to the eyes and left the room
without a word.
1--WE disarmed the rebels and led
them to the General. But it was hard
work. never saw men so exasperat-
ed. They wanted to lynch these assas-
sins. If our wounded man had died l
don't believe the General would have
succeeded in holding them back.
Next day we had orders to return to
Harpers Ferry. The three rebels
were lariated to the bows of saddles
and forced to Keep up with us all day
long on foot. Their shoes were taken
from them, and they had "hard road
to travel, 1 believe" that day. Thai
was all the punishment ever inflicted
upon them for the attempted assassi-
nation of our men.
"This," added the surgeon, "was ii
the days when we made war upor
peace principles, and it would not hav'
done then to have hanged thos'
wretchcs. 1t might exasperated tn
South, you know. So, as | said before
all we did to them was to force then
for one day to keep step to the musi
of Union cavalry hoofs.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31
LOOKING Ar THE BRIGHT SIDE.

Here is letter from wife in Mas
sachusetts to her husband in California.
She don't intend going through the
world with the blues
My Dear Husband-As it is now
some time since you left for California,
I suppose you would be glad to hear
how we are getting along in your alb
sence. l am happy to say we are en-
joying very good health on the whole.
Just at present two of the boys have
got the smallpox Amanda Jane has
got the typhus fever Samuel got
hooked by COW the other day, and
and little Peter has just chopped of
three of his fingers with a hatchet. II
is mercy he didn't chop them all off.
With these trihing exceptions, we are
all well and getting along nicely.
You needn't be at all anxious about
us. l almost forgot to say that Sarah
Matilda eloped last week with a tir
pedlar. Poor girl |! She's been wait
ing for a chance, and Pm glad she'
married at last. She needn't hav'
taken the trouble to elope though, fol
Pm sure | was glad enough to hav'
her go. She was a great eater, and
find baked beans don't 60 off near St
fast as they did. The way the cir
could dip into pork and beans was
caution to the rest of the family. Th
COW took it into her head to run away
which was very fortunate, am sure
for the barn caught fire last night AM
was consumed. was in hopes tina
the house would go, too, for it's incon
venient but The wind was the wron
way, so it did not receive much injury
Some boys broke into the orchard tn
other day and stripped all the fruit
trees. l am very glad of it, for if the
hadn't l presume the children woul
nave made themselves ill.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

CHURCH ETIQUETrE.-Let the lady
advance one pace beyond the door of
the pew she wishes to enter, half about
face andsalute. The pew must then be
vacated by such gentlemen as are in it,
by flank movement. The squad should
rise simultaneously when the lady pre-
sents herself, and face by the right
flank, then deploy into the aisle, the
head man facing the lady, and the
rest walking to his right and rear, the
direction of his halt being changed by
right countermarch, and forming
again into line up and down the aisle,
still faced by the right flank. The
lady, when the coast is clear, completes
her salute, and advance to her position
in the pew. The gentlemen break of
by files from the rear, and resume theil
places. Great care should be taken, o.
course, by other parties, not to cnfel
the aisle when this evolution is in pro
gress until it is completed.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

TRACT distributing has its funny
incidents. During the war a lady
passing from cot to cot through the
wards Of an hospital, was shocked to
hear one fellow laugh at her. She
stopped to reprovethe wretched patient
-aWhy maam," says he, 'Iyou have
given me q tract on the sin Of dancing
when I have got boih legs shot on"
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31
THE NEW LAWS OF CONGRESS.

The following is full list ofthe
acts and joint resolutions which became
laws at the session of Congress just
closed: A bill to establish peace with
certain hostile Indian tribes. A bill
to carry into effect the convention
with the Republic of Venezuela for
the adjustment of claims Of citizens OF
the United States on the Government
of that Republic; A joint resolution
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

The PUBLIC FINANCEs.-The re-
ceipts and expenditures Of the Gov
ernment for the fiscal year which end
ed July l., are now made up at the
Treasury, and will present an exhibit
more favorable than was anticipated
some time since. The public debt
statement for July will also show .
reduction Of debt between two and
three millions of dollars.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

WHICHEVER way the election goes,
we shall have an elder for Supreme
Judge, ,Sharswood, the Democratic can.
didate, is an elder in the School
branch Of the Presbyterian Church,
and Judge Williams, the Republican
nominee, il an elder Of the New
School.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

AN Irish gentleman, parting with a
lazy servant woman, was asked, with
respect to her industry, whether she
was what was termed "afraid of work."
"Oh, not at ALL" said he, "not at all
she'll frequently lie down and fall
asleep by the side Of it."
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

"What did you use to do, mamma,
before you were married ?" Asked
cherubic four years old. "Well my
dear, I had a very good time" A
good time p he exclaimed, indignant
Iy-"what, without me J"
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

Edmond About says: Tnterpose
little-head in tin cup between the
world and you you will witness a
most beautiful phenomenon which as
tronomers have not yet studied-the
total eclipse Of the world"
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

A lady took her little boy to church
for the first time. Upon hearing the
organ he was on his feet instanter.
"Sit down." said the mother ''I won't,
he shouted, | want to see the monkey"
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

A crusty old doctor declined to pay
his PAYERS bill, saying "his pavement
had been spoiled and then covered up
with earth to hide the bad work."
"Doctor," was the reply, ''mine is not
the only bad work they put earth over"
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

"a quotation from the poets p
Do you like pork, II not you shall have
mutton.
Do you like pork ? II not you are no glutton.
Do you like pork did not ask your brother.
DO you like pork Pray, say without more
bother.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

Perhaps the best pun recorded was
that inscribed on tea-chesty viz
"7u doccs." These words are the Sec
ond words singular to the verb doceo,
to teach, and when literally translated
become, "Thou Tea-chest."
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

THE Athens (Ohio) Messenger says
that on account of the abundance Of
the peach crop in that region, it is not
likely that peaches will bring more
than fifty cents bushel.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31
9ostrv.
Published by Request
THE EXCHANGE.

As Darby saw the setting sun
He swung his scythe and home he run,
Drank off his nog Of beer and said
my work Is done, I'll 60 to bed"
"Your work Is done!" quoth Mistress Joan,
Your work Is done s your constant tone,
But hapless woman neer can say
Her work Is done till break Of day;
And il she goes to bed at all,
The rouso'Uss will awake and sauA,..
ssFirst In the moruing-though we feel
Like wretched drunkards when they reel
Nay, feel such pains in limbs and head
As would contine you men to bed
The cows we milch, the milk we strain,
Then hasten to the house again;
Which, when displayed by mornings light
We find Is In dismal plight.
with aching head we now essay
To put 1t in better way;
We ply the brush and WELD the broom
And make the beds-and air the room,
We put the house to rights and then
We get the breakfast for the men;
Long ere 'tis done, with yelpng cries
And bris.ling heads the children rise,
They must b, dress'd and dosed with rue
And this the busy wife must do.
"Tre milling with weakness, toll and pain
We now resume our work again,
But then there Is not wood enough,
And what there Is is hateful stuff,
All rotten, wet and smoky, too,
And so we know not what to do.
The breads to bake, the meats to fry,
And when we're tired enough to die,
The angry men rush in and say
'.Iust we be starved to death to-day"
At this old Darby scratched his head
And fast retreatcd to his bed.
Next morning ere bright Phoebus rose
Old Joan began her tale oil woes;
Then Darby cried, to end the strife
"Be you the man, I'll be the rife!
Take you the scythe and NOW, while
Will all your fancied needs supply"
agreed" says Joan, give me my stent"
SO Darby did, and out she went.
Sole monarch now. he seized the broom
And whrled the dirt about the room
. The sweeping done, he scarce knew how,
He hied to milk the brindle COW;
But biindle Grossly switched her tail
In masters eyes, and kicked the pail;
And while they smarted with the pain
He vowed he'd never milk again.
Now looking round in sad amaze
He saw his cottage in blaze;
For as he careless brushed the room
In awkward haste he fired the brocm;
He quenched the flame-and sorely vexed,
Prepared to get the breakfast next;
But, oh he knew not what to do,
The bread was spent, and butter too
With hands bedaubed in paste and flour
Old Darby labored full an hour,
But hapess wight! he could not make
His dough take shape of loaf nor cake.
Just while the dooi wide open stood,
In rushed the sop in quest of food,
And dashing forward-with her snout
Oer-turned the churn the cream ran out;
As Darby turned the swine to beat
The slippery cream betrayed his feet,
He caught the bread trough in his fall
And down came baker, trough and all.
The children wakened with the clatter,
Start up and whiae-"la, what's the matter
Old Jowler barked and Tabby mewed,
And luckless Darby bawled aloud
"Return my Joan as heretofore.
TNpldy the house pits part no more :"
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

ArzNs1BIE Virginian suggests that
marble monuments for Confederate
dead will not feed the starving Con-
fsderate widows and orphans.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

The Greenville Is. C.) Enterprise
comes to us with q 81 900 Confederate
Bond wrapped around it.-Houston
(1tsdO Easyraph. ~ .I...'.-
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

Emerson finally says: "The poor
are only they who feel poor, and Povsr-
ty consists only in feeling poos.,.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31

FAvoRrrE air of mammas having
marriagsable dsughters-m millionsirss'
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31
Terms OF Publication.

THE wAHNEsBuRa RkPuBiicAS, once In
sayers building, east of the Court House, Is pub
iished every Wednesday morning. at - per
annum, IN ADVANCES, or o. 80 II not paid with
In the year. All subscription accounts MUST
be settled annually. No paper will be sent
out Of the state unless paid for IN ADVANCE, and
all such subscriptions win invariably be discon-
tinued at the expiration Of the time for which
they are paid.
interest are respectfully solicited. To ensure
accompanied by the name of the author, not for
publication but as guaranty against imposition
All letters pertaining to business OF the Office
must be addressed to the Editor.
The Waynesburg Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 1867-18??, 1867-07-31
Leasizlg tAs Psisss

When SEVEN o'clock had struck, the
music Of the solemn procession was
Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1867-08-17
MISCELLANEOUS.

Registration Is to commence imme-
diately in South Carolina.
Money is abundant in Canada for
good paper at S91O per cent.
Yellow fever is beginning to attack
the natives in Cuba.
Sugars In Cuba are inactive but firm
at s41sI reals for No. 2.
The Indian Commission, in session
in st. Louis, VIII not let the reporters eomeln
No order for the removal of General
Sheridan had been issued on Sunday.
During the month of July, %, $40
immigrants arrived at Castle Garden.
The receipts of internal revenue for
last week were Sc, 7S9, 800.
Great preparations are being made
to celebrate the laying of the Cuban cable.
The receipts of internal Revenue
on Monday, were S1.436,OOO.
There were nine deaths from yellow
fever and eight from cholera in New Orleans
last week.
The Commissioner of Patents will
issue 227 certificates of patents for the week
ending August 18th. .
The army worm has made its appear
ance among tine cotton in several of the Sea
Islands between Charleston and Savannah.
The receipts OF internal revenue
Wednesday we're less than half million dol
lars.
The question of annexing ROxbury
to Boston will be settled in September by a
vote of the two cities.
The deaths In New York for the las'
week were 500, including only two from choi-
era.
The Atlantic cable of 1866 has again
broken suddenly. it was thought about fifty
miles from Hearts Content.
The official correspondence relating
to the arrest Of Gen. Santa Anna has been
printed.
Full returns from Tennessee not YET
in. Brownlow's msjority will be over forty
thousand
Seven carpenters were poisoned ~
Bergen, N. j., Monday. by drinking lasel
beer, and one has since died.
The freshet in the Ohitauket river
Conn.,, has destroyed several Thousand dol
lars worth of property.
The planters of southwestern Geor
gia will be prepared to pick their cotton mex
week. Accounts of the crop are favorable.
Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1867-08-17
Race Between Horse and Locomotive.

A Richmond correspondent writes
the Burlington (Vt.) Times, that on the
18th instant horse ran on to the rail-
road track at WillistOn Station. The
morning mail train nearly overlook it,
when the engineer blew his engine
whistle furiously, and the horse, ter.
ribly frightened, fed at its utmost
speed before the engine, which it SEEM
ed to conceive to be a terrible monster
pursuing, bowling and shrieking on its
track The brakeman turned his brake
and got the train under his control,
when the passengers put their heads
out of the windows to see the cause of
the screaming of the whistle. The
horse kept the middle of the track, and
with head high in the air, turning it to
the right and left SO as to see the en-
CINE, ran furiously the terrible race of
death before the pursuing monster.
Not knowing that the train was entire
ly under control Of the engineer, and
the dangerous uncertainties as to its
termination, made it very exciting to
the passengers, who were in full view
of the race.
The horse, running at the height of
its speed, regardless of danger, came to
an open culvert, of fifteen to twenty
feet IN width, over which stringers or
large timbers were laid, across which
were placed the ties. He furiously took
his last leap among the ties, his head
and forelegs passing through between
the ties, his body hanging across a tie.
1t seemed to passenger, who was look
ing on, that the impending fate of the
train was frightfully dangerous, but the
engineer stopped the train before
reaching the culvert without accident,
and twenty to thirty men ran to see II
anything could be done to extricate the
horse, but nothing could. The poor
brute struggled powerfully two or three
times, and then fell headforemost fif
teen to twenty feet on to the rocks
below, doubling his neck under his
shoulder, and apparently breaking it in
the fall
Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1867-08-17
Clippings.

Alabama has 10000 acres of sweet
potatoes.
The Prince of Wales is to be made a
Knight of the Thistle.
English ladies are adopting the fash
ion of wearing belts with small dag
ger attached.
GaribaIdi is at it again. His last
speech is: "Mark me well; without
Rome there is no Italy"
John @. Heenan, the "Benicia Boy"
is in trouble with the Association for
the Suppression of Gambling.
There are two hundred and fifty
Thousand bachelors west of the Missis-
sippi river. Where are the MERGERS?
The proprietors of the London
Times presented each of the members
of their numerous staff with a fort
nights salary to defray the expenses of
trip to Paris.
The quaint old wood-fronted house
near the palace of the Bishops of Here
ford, where "Nell Gwynne" was born
and lived, has been entirely swept
away.
The collection of gold plate at Wind
sor Castle is estimated at the value of
upwards of two millions of money;
most of it has been sent to BuckiDg-
ham Palace for the Sultan's use.
There were never so many empty
boarding houses in New York as at
present. Rooms are to let on all the
streets and avenues of the city. Many
who had rented houses, thinking to re-
let them to dodgers, have '-gone to
smash" philadelphia and Boston pa
pers please copy.
Members of the p. r. call the nose a
''bugle" Query-ls TennysOn pugil-
list ? In the Princess it is written
'Blow, bugle. blow. set the wild echoes flying"
And in Locksley Hall we read
s'Leave me here. and when you want me, sound
upon the bugle horn"
Craig, the well-knOwn Associated
Press telegraph man, has a beautiful
residence at Peekskill, where he resides
with his sOn-in-law. The house is ele-
gantly furnished throughout, and the
family is spending its summer there,
surrounded by all that art and wealth
can contribute to comfort.
Docs. - In England the dog tax
yields a good sum. Up to the end OF
June last, licenses were taken out for
G95, 624 dogs, against 394, 1897 on which
the tax was paid in the year ending
March, 1866. In Scotland the number
of dogs taxed has increased from SO,
365 to 80 060.
The Journal of Commerce calls at
tention TO the fact that steam is rap
idly displacing sailing vessels i'll the
transportation of emigrants across the
Atlantic. 1t says that in the year 1868
the proportion of those who emigrated
in steam vessels wss 40. So per cent. IN
1864 it increased to 53.55 per cent; in
1866 it was 70. so per cent; and in 1866
the percentage was S1.1G.
Bennett, of the Herald, has been
sued by Mr.. James +. Cummings, a
Southerner, who lays claims 60 the mod
es. sum of 100000 damages. Ben
nett printed an article accusing Cum
mings of swindling the rebel Govern
ment, and calling him delicious scamp
the best way you can fix him, and his
! answer is that he intends to prove it.
Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1867-08-17
Spurious Nickel Pieces.

1t would seem to be one of the evils
resulting from the issue of base coin
that it makes counterfeiting compare
lively easy. This is the case with re-
gard to the present five cent nickel
piece, of which large number of oOun-
terieits are in circulation, especially in
the south and west.
A gang of coiners were trapped the
other day in Cincinnati, with guam
tity of these spurious pieces in their
possession, as we'll as the dies and APP
paratus for their manufacture. But
there are, evidently, many more at
work successfully in other parts of the
southern country, since the papers con-
tain numerous c. mplaints OF such
swindliDg.
The horse.ca companies in New
Orleans have suffered loss to the extent
of many hundreds of dollars by cOun-
terfeits of this denomination, and the
Presidents of the roads have finally of
fered a reward of two hundred dollars
for the arrest and conviction of any
one passing or making this false money.
The New Orleans conductors aud
drivers must be less sharp than ours in
detecting cOunterfeits, as there has
been no special complaint of any such
swindling in our city railroads or other
public conveyances. Perhaps the gen.
nine nickel pieces are rather more
plentiful with us than with our south
ern brethren just NOW. L. EUeniag
Post. 80
Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1867-08-17

A Paris paper relates the following
anecdOte of Lord Gray, of Gray, VIII ose
death has caused so much regret in the
English society of that capital: Lord
Gray was one evening returning from
his club, when he perceived the loss of
his pocket book, containing forty bank
notes of 1,0OOf. each (e1, 600.) Lord
Gray searched the pockets of his great
coat, but 10 vain. He quietly returned
home. Next morning his servant went
to his room at an early hour, and in
formed him that a lady in deep mourn
ing wished TO speak to him. Lord
Gray desired that she should be shown
into his drawing room. ''My lord,
said his visitor, 'tyou dropped your
pocket book containing 100000; I
bring it back to you" The voice was
sweet and low, but so closely was the
lady yelled that it was impossible to
guess her age or appearance. ''Mad-
am" replied Lord Gray, ''you have
rendered me a service for which hear
tily thank you. Allow me to ask if /
may venture to offer you some remem-
brance of my gratitude" The lady
then hesitatingly confessed that she
had recently lost her husband, whose
death had left her the charge of three
little children, and that so utter was
her restitution she had actually been
tempted to keep the pOcket-boOk.
Lord Gray returned it to her, merely
saying, 'You are my creditor you or
your children will repay me later. -
Lord Gray received visitor five years
after this scene occurred, who appear
ed a total stranger to him. 1t was a
lady. She handed him velvet port
monnaie, on which his cypher and cor
onet were embroidered In gold; within
lay forty notes of 1,000f. each. "You
will allow me to retain the old purse in
memory of yOur munifcent generosity,
she remarked.