The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-11-30
Cur All gurts.


battery.
Clever pickpockets are aid to DO the best
men to di-porss crowd.
A counter.rcvolu,ion-Strike among the
dry goods clerks.
Voltage thinks Z" The Cradle Of Liberty"
ought to be situated in Rccksbary.
When man is knocked down il IS natu'
raj he should he Oft ended.
The organ.grinders have nearly ceased to
grind, and there Was never an organ "stop
that was moro welcome.
Some one says that going to LAWS mighty
cold business; for oil you ever get 10 but
justice, and sometime, you don't set that.
There arc multitudes Of persons who
destroy themselves through irresolution.
They arc e,ernally telling about what they
mean to do, but they never do il.
The following scene is laid in 6rst-class
hotel, I rareier-I desire TO be called ut six
o'clock. Clerk with gold chainHlf you
will ring the bell at that hour one Of the
boys will attend to your case.
Punch reports the speech Of an Irish
Member Of Parliament who thought Ire
land over-taSed: take tenth Of our in
como. sir? Ay. they do, and they'd take a
twentieth IL they dared"
els il not astonishing" said wealthy
individual, 'tha, large fortune was left me
by person who had only seen me once p
alt would have been still more astonishing"
said a wag, "lf no had LEFT il to you after
seeing you twice."
A man over ninety Is a great comfort TO
oil his elderly neighbors, says Holmes; he is
q picket guard at the extreme outpost. and
young folks Of Aixty and seventy feel that
the enemy must get by him before he can
come near their camp.
A clergyman asked some children, "why
do we say in the Lords Prayer, 'Who art
in hcarsn,' since God is cverywhcrc?' lilo
saw a little drummer who looked rs if he
could give an answer, and turned to him
for il: "Well, little soldier, what say you y
because it's b headquarters"
But,on-collccting is the latest mania af.
flicting young ladies'. An enthusiastic col
lector recently remarked that if she could
ret together nine hundred and ninety nine
buttons. all Of different styles, she thought
she would be perfectly happy! Raids on
family button bags are now the rage.
A man named Stone exclaimed In tav-
ern, "ITi bet q sovereign have the hard
es, name in the company" "Donc," said
one Of the company "what's your name ?"
.'Srone," cried the first. "Hand me the
money" said the other. any name Is
Harder"
List to these imaginative lines on the
Tail Of Pups"
.Oh the pup, tho beautiful pup,
Drinking his milk IRON = beautiful cup,
Gambolling around 50 risky and free,
First gnauing bone, then biting . nee.
Jumping.
beautiful pup, you will soon 30 a bologna"
Brigham Young, Of Utah, has recently in
str,,cted the young ,nen Of his faith to mar
~ fright of" NIL tho unmarried girls. and
no, allow themselves to be guided by love,
hut marry rs they eoms. Love, he pro-.
nounced humbug, and winds up with
saving that if after certain time any girls
care left over" he will marry them.
The most agreeable OF all companions is
simple, frank man, without any protein
.ions to an oppressive greatness; one who
loves Iife and understands the use Of il ;
oblicing alike a, all hours; above all, Of a
golden temper and steadias, Us an anchor.
For such an one wo gladly exchange the
greatest genius. the most brilliant wit. the
proioundest thinker
An application was made to a cashier TOR
stocks "what kind do you wnnt-seven-
,biriss ?" We'll, ] want good desirable
stock the right length for my neck" An
other who knew what stocks he wanted
was inquired what denomination he would
prefer, and replied that hc was Freewill
Baptist and he guessed he'd take the heft
of them in that denomination.
The Manchester .imerican says that gen.
tleman engaged in trade in that city, came
into the printing Office and ordered the print.
ing of labels for his boxes and drawers.
Among Others was one marked I'll. Pep
per-" Said tho printer, What is this for?'
"whole Pepper" said the trader; "any
boy who has been to school ought to know
that"
An incidcn, is mentioned by n coucsPon-
dent, who was desired by his mother to TO
to neighbour Shaw's and see if he had any
straw suitable for filling beds. "Mr.
Shaw" says our correspondent, "was bless.
ell with goodly number Of Misses Shaw,
and therefore iel, little timid at encoun-
tcring them, and to make the matter worse.
arrived just rs the family were seated at
dinner. Stepping in the doorway, hat in
hand. I stnmmered out, "Mr. Straw, can
you spare enough Shaw to fill a couple Of
beds3" aWell," replied tho old gentle
man. glancing around at his large family,
and enjoying my mistake, IL don't know
ban, can; how many will you need'"
Before could recover, those hateful Shaw
girls hurst into chorus Of laughter, aud !
made hasiy exit.