Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1867-11-29
NUMBER r. 81.
,rhing. wise s. otherwise.

Things wise sk Otherwise.
The best capital to begin life with is
a capit.tf wife. If the cspital don't In
crease the family will. eiia = lehl
John IL. Cough and Wendell Phillips
confess that they have never uverconie
their first timidity on rising to Gtidress
an audience. ~. ", ~afg ets.s
+ Am not little pale ~ iinqairedta
crusty did Bachelor. % You look more
like q big tub, "was the reply. sa'la'
In one or Josh Billings late papers,
he says: s1rhe SUN was a-going to bed
and the hevins fur and near were
blushin at the performance
yaAn old man in Maryland, who had
reached the age Of l02. was married a
seventy-flve years OF age. Immediate.
BY after the ceremony the happy but
kdecrepit couple started ON bridal tour.
"A man, now q member OF Congress.
being clerk inla western country store
once on time, was asked by q woman
Ii he had any ladies hose. "Yes."
said he, aud he ran 10. the warehouse,
and brought her a small sized hoe.
| A schoolboy, being asked to define
the word s'admission," said 10 meant
twenty five cents. "Twenty Ave cts,''
echoed the schoolnaster. What sort
of definition do You call that ~ 1
don't know, !" sulkily replied the boy,
s.but Pm sure il saws 50 I'm the adver.
tisemeht down there at the show ''-A
Yes,n said another boy, 'and ckila
dren half price,
The editor of the Albany Knicker-
booker, now I'm Europe, writes that
Admiral Farragut was almost 'smoth-
cred with kissesn by the ladies of tile
Court of the Queen of Sweden. His
officers seem to have been less lucky,
as their hair Is only treasured as
souvenirs and laid away in gold lockcts
by many of the most elegant ladies OF
Stockholm a4fEsa
An editor In illinois having engaged
q new reporter, received the following
as his first effort: We are informed
that the gentleman hoo stood on his
head under n spile-driver for the purpos
ov havin q tlte pair ov butes druv on,
shortly afterward found himself In
Cbiny perfectly fiakdd without a cent
In his pocket. He rites that 1t Is Ills
intenshun ov returning home by the
way ov the Paris Exposition.
Miss Margaret Conover, of Dayton,
lOhio, who, owing TO stiff knee Joint,
has been q cripple for seventeen years,
missed a chair In attempting to sic
down, a few days ago, and fell heavily
to tho floor. Her weight came on tho
crooked knee, swapping some muscles,
and curing the limb. II may be proper
to suggest, however, that this sort Of
surgery should not be too freely intro
duced by practical philanthropists.
John tells story ~ Thompson and
Rogers, two married ducks of New
York, who, wandering home one night
stopped at what Thompson supposed to
be his residence, but which Ills COM
panion insisted was bis owti house.
/ Thompson rang the bell Justify when
window was opened and a lady enquir-
ed what was wanted.
Madam, y enquired Mr., IT,. "isn't
this Mr.. T-Thompson,s housc?n -
"No," replied the lady, ''this Is tho
residence Of Mr.. Rogers.''
Well, exclaimed Thompson
your pnrdon-Mrs. Rogers, wont you
just step down to the door and pick out
Rogers, for Thompson wants to 60
home"
A small boy out West was assisting
/ bis iuthtI W shStp buittt
and brush. The father would catch n
sheep and say to the boy " Mark that
After the job was done the boy started
for his home, WHICH was at soma dis4
tance, and was overtaketi by n minister
on horseback, who seeing the boy bare
| footed, invited him to ride behind him.
After the boy was seated he began to
catechise him thus:
my lad, do you attend the Sabbath
School ?u
| "No, SIR"
You should attend the Sabbath
School, mark that. All good children
should attend both church and Sabbath
School. mark that ~
After many more remarks of this
Kind the boy REPLIED
~ have marked your back all over
now, and it looks like thunder i
The reverend gentleman was some
what astonished when he examined his
coat.
~