The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-05-03
Selections.
3pl0ktudNtuI9 StltLllulto
MISS SUSAN.
THE STORY OF A woMAN's LIFE.

l sat in my little parlor one nightafter
school, and the name the children had
given me years before sounded oddly
enough. l said it over and over in an
unthinkipg, o., rather in a preoccupied
way, untilit lost all meaning, and Ilbe.
came little doubtful Of my own per-
sonality. The name did not seem to
fit mo at all, and. / felt quite, like ia
hypoerite for ever having answered to
ii. l thought / knew myself pretty
well, and fell to wondering whether /
bad right to be SO calm and mild and
patient, SO long-suffering, so unresist-
ing, SO tame as | was in the school
room. oairi4.lgy- s4 .rIfan5 ss,i d 10 .sii,I &,
Some teach naturally some by the
grace of God but as for me, l taught of
great and strong necessity, and rebelled,
my will keeping myself out iof sight
meanwhile. | am not I sure after all
but it was the very best discipline l
could have had, but l know l did not
think SO at the time. was then-but
it is no matter how old l was-not that
I was ever careful ofiny years, but peo-
pie measure them SO differently. 1 was
full forty-five in knowledge of suffer
ing, though my cheek was not wilted as
it is now, and my eyes had kind Of
slumbering fire in them that l never
liked to encounter in the glass. 1t
brought me too nesrmy own spirit, and
of that l was afraid. i.
But that night years ago, when. /
sat in my parlor alone, the children all
gone and the house filled with ghostly
silence, l was exultant, and gave an un-
checked rein to .mysel.. There was
such delight in acting what l felt; in
throwing off the abhorred Miss Susan,
who wore my garments day by. day
and reproved me at every turn, till she
became like the horrible monster that
haunted its remorseful maker to death.
l seemed to haze adual existence, each
life preying upon the other, and de-
manding rights thateould never be con-
ceded. Miss Susan believed in God /
doubted his mercy; Miss Susan had
faith in humanity; distrusted even my
little children; Miss Susan had a heart
to love and be loved ; l could live alone,
unloved and unloving. Yet Miss Susan
was not sentimental, nor was / cold.
The fact of existence was a joy to me.
The grass was a, delight to the senses,
even more than the flowers, because its
universally gave rest to both mental
and physical vision. The mountains
brought peace, the rivers exhilaration,
the skies exultation. Books were a
perpetual joy; thought afar off a greater.
But there was one line of thought that
haunted me everywhere, and that could
be thrown off only by strong and pre-
sistent effort of the will. Even then it
had its revenge, and crept into my
dreams when the will was asleep. =
What feared most of all was the
past. There had been time when l
was not Miss Susan, but daughter Su-
san, and sister Susie; and when I was
no longer daughter, the motherly ele-
ment entered into the sisterly, and l
lived my own childhood over again in
my little Emily. At first l hated the
child in my natural, unreasonable way,
because the motherdied that she might
live; and my infinite loss 1 thought
could never be made good by the little
atom that grasped SO helplessly at life
and clung as to the hem of its garment,
but would not be shaken of.
My father was strong man with
violent nature, which fell to my lot,
while Emily was gentle and reasonable,
like the mother. Forced to care for
her, was won by her innocent ways,
though my will held out long after my
heart succumbed.
Ny father bore the shock, of the sud
den death, as a tower bears the shock