The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-03-23
THE oAUDLE CURTAIN LECTURES

u SAADAAAa w hEA.
mr.. Candle has Again Stayed out Late
---Hrs Caudle, at First Injured and
Violent. MeIts.
perhaps, Mr.. CaudIe, you'll tell me
where this is to end? Though, good
ness knows, 1 needn't ask thar. The
end is plain enough. Out-out-out
Every night-eTery night! I'm sure,
men who can't come home at reasona-
bic hours have no business with wives;
they have no right TO destroy other peo-
pie, If they choose TO go to destruction
themselves. Ha, lord! Oh, dear!
only hope none of my girls will ever
maEry-I hope they'll none of 'em ever
be the slave their poor mother is; they
sha'n't, If can help it. What do you
say? Nothing Well, 1 don't wonder
at thai, Mr.. Caudle; you ought to be
ashamed to speak; don't wonder that
you can't open your mouth. I'm only
astOnished that at such hours you have
the confidence to knock at your own
door. Though I'm your wife, must
say 1t, i do sometimes wonder at YOUR
impudence. What do you say? Moth
tng Ha you are an aggravating
creature, Caudle; lying there like the
mummy of a man; and never as much
as opening your lips 10 one. just as if
your own wife wasn't worth answer
ing! Ii isn't so when you're out, I'm
CAr LIZ AlleAA NOu can Ldlk IdSL
enoughi here, there,iS no getting a word
from you But you treat your wife as
no other man does-and- you know it.
"Out-out every night What? You
hd rent been oilt thus LreeE befOTeS That's
nothing at all to do with it. You might
Just as well be ont all the week at once
just! And I should like to know
what could keep you out till these
hours? Business? +? oh, yes-I dare say!
Pretty business married man and the
father of family must have out of
doors at one IN the morning =? What!
I shalt d1-ire you mad! Oh, no; you
haven't feelings enough to 90 mad
you'd be better man, Caudie, If YOU
had. VtU I listen to you9 " hats the
use? OF course you've some story TO
put me off with-you can all do that,
and laugh at US afterwards.
No, Caudle, don't say that. Im not
always trying to find fault-not 1. It's
you. never speak but when there's
occasion; and what in my time I've put
up with, there isn't anybody in the
world that knows. WIH I hear your
StoTyS Oh, You may tell il if you
pleasei go on; only mind I shan't be-
Heve word OF 1t. I'm not such fool
as other women are, L can tell you.
There, now-don't begin to swear-but
-"And that's your story, is it?
That's your excuse for the hours you
keep! That's your apology for under
mining my health and running your
family! What do yOu think your
children willSay when they grow up
going and throwing away your money
upon good-for- nothing pOthOuse aC-
quaintance2 He's not a pOth0uSe Gc-
qudiHtGHces Who is he, then? Come,
you haven't told me that; but 1 know
it's that Prettyman! Yes, to be sure it
is! Upon my life! Well, if I've hardly
patience TO lie in the same bed! I've
wanted silver teapot these five years,
and you must go and throw away as
much money as-what2 You hdUeJl'L
ntroirJl ii dUGyS Haven't you! Then
my names not Margaret, that's all 1
know.
"a man gets arrested, and because
he's taken from his wife and family,
and locked up, you must go and trou-
BILE your head with il! And you must
be mixing yourself up with nasty sher-
IDS otlcers-pahl I'm sure you're not
mt to enter a decent house-and go
running from lawyer TO lawyer 10 get
bail and settle the business, as you call
it, a pretty settlement you'll make of
it-mark my words! Yes-and to mend
the matter, 10 finish it quite, you must
be one of the bail! That any man who
isn't born fool should do such thing
for anotheri Do you think anybody
would do as much Tor you? YcSS You
say yes? Well, / only wish-just to
show you that am right-I only wish
you were in condition to try 'em. I
should only like to see you arrested.
You'd tind the ditferenCe-thGt you
would.
Whats other peoples affairs to you?
II you were locked up, depend upon it
there's not a soul would come near YOU
Mo- it's all very fine now, when people
think there isn't chance of your, being
in trouble-but should only like to
see what they'd say TO You if you were
IN a sponging-house. Ses-I should
enjoy that just TO show You that I'm
always right. What do you sayT You
think better of the IroTldS Ha! that
would be very well If you could afford
il; but you're not in means, know, to
think SO We'll of people as all that
And, OF course, they only laugh at you.
'Caudie's an easy fool they cry-I
know il as well as if 1 heard them
'Candle's an easy fool; anybody may
lead him. Yes anybody but his own
wife:-and she-of course-is nobody.
And now everybody that's arrested
Will OF course send to you. Yes, Mr..
Caudle, you'll have your hands full
now, no doubt of it. You'll soon know
every sponging-hOuse and every sher-
III s officer in London. Your business
will have to take care of itself; you'll
have enough to do to run from lawyer
to lawyer after the business of other
people. Now, it's no use calling me a
dear soul-uot a bit! No; and / sha'nt
put 1t oh till to morrow. II isn't often
speak, but iCiLi speak now.
81 wish that Prettyman had been at
the bottom of the sea before-what
It isn't PrettyHldnS Ha!it's very well
just like him. He looks like man
that's always in debt-that's always in
a spOnging house. Anybody might
swear it. knew it from the very first
time youSbrougLt him here-from the
very night he put his nasty, dirty, wet
boots on my bright steel fender. Any
woman could see what the fellow was
IN minute. Prettyman! A pretty
gentleman, truly, to be robbing your
wife and family.
s'why couldn't you let him stop in
the sponging- Now don't call upon
quiet, for l won't. Why couldn't you
let him stop there? He got himself in;
he might have got himself out again.
And You must keep me awake, ruin my
Sleep my health, and, for what you
care, my peace of mind. Hal every
body but you can see how I'm break
ing. You can do all this while you're
talking with set of low bailiffs7 A
great deal you must think OF your chill
dren to go into a lawyers office.
"And then you must be bail-you
must be bound-for Mr.. PrettymanH
You may say, boundl Yes-you'ys
your hands nicely tied, now. How he
laughs at you-Rnd serves you right!
Why, in another week he'll be in the
East Indies; of course he will And
you'll have 10 pay his debts; yes, your
children may go in rags, SO that Mr..
Prettyrnan-what do you say? u isn't
PrettyBtan3 I know better. Well, il 1t
isn't Prettyman that's kept you ouL-if
II isn't Prettyman you're bail for-who
Is II then? ! ask, who is IL then1 What