The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-06-20
HUMOROUS.

advised him to take little gentle
exercise on an empty stomach.
Upon whoseY said he.
Why is the country winter like the
Black Crook? Because there are so
many bare limbs to be seen.
An old bachelor says the most diff
cult part of surgery is to take the jaw
out of woman. g
He who pokes his nose everywhere
will sometimes poke it between a
thumb and forefnger.
Greeley says the man who pays more
for shop rent than advertising, don't
know his business.
In Missouri the laws allow married
women to make wills of their own.
They have them ready made here.
An Irishman being asked in court
for his certificate of marriage, showed
big scar on his head, about the shape
of shovel, which was salts actory
At an agricultural dinner the fol-
lowing toast was given: 1.-The game
of fortune. Shuttle the cards as you
will, spades must win.
A man in Main was recently asked
to subscribe for chandelier, for the
church. Now" said he,' what's
the use of chandelier? After you
get it., you can't get any Que to play
on it. za
An exchange says In one of our
Sunday Schools, recently, careless
youngster while reading Scripture
lesson, came to a passage: And
Aaron made atonement for the sins
of the people" In his haste he read
it as follows: And Aaron made an
ointment for the shins of the people. "
why do you show favor to your
enemies instead of destroying them?"
said chieftain to Sigismund. " Do
not destroy my enemies by making
| them my friends?" was the Emper-
or's noble reply.
Represent me in my portait,
said gentleman to his painter, with
book in. my hand, reading aloud.
| Paint my servant. also, in a corner
! where he cannot be seen, but in.such
a manner that he may hear me when
[ call him.
/ A good story is told of a rustic
youth and lively, buxom country
girl, who sat facing each other at a
husking party. The youth, smitten
with the charms of the beautiful
maiden, only ventured sly look, and
now and then touching Patty's foot
under the table The girl, deter
mined to make the youth express
what he appeared so warmly to feel,
bore with these advances awhile in
silence, when she cried out, Look
here! if you love me, why don't you
say SO; but don't dirty my stockings"
The YANKEE PEDLER.-There is
sheriff residing in Illinois, who was
taken in and done for on one occa-
sion. He made it a prominent part
of his business to ferret cut and pun
ish peddlers for travelling through the
State without license, but one morn
ing he met bis match in the person of
genuine Yankee peddler.
What have you got to sell-any
/, thing? asked the sheriff
Yaas, sartin; what dye want? Got
razors, first, that's an article you need,
squire, | should say, by the look of
your baird. Got good blacin'; twill
make them old boots of yourn shine
soft you can shavetin em e'amost.
Balm of Columby, too, only dollar a
bottle; good for the haar, and assist
In poor human natur, as the poet
says.
And so he ratified on At length
the sheriff bought a bottle of the
balm of Columbia, and In reply to the
question whether be wanted anything
else, that functionary said he did-he
wanted to see the Yankees license for
peddling In Illinois, that being his
duty as sheriff.
The Yank showed him a document
fixed up good and strong, in black
aud white. The sheriff looked at it
and pronounced it all right. Then
handing back the bottle to the ped
dler, he said:
Il Il don't think now that I've
bought this stuff, shall ever want it..
| reckon | might as we'll sell it back
; to you. What will you give for it?'
%, the darn stuff is no use to me,
but seein' it's you, sheriff, I'll give
you twenty-five cents for it if you
really don wantit.
The sheriff handed over the bottle
at the large discount from his own
purchase, and received his change.
Now" said the peddler, I've got
question to ask you. Have you got
! any peddlers' licenses about your
trowsers anywhere?" g rz
+" Ne; havn't any use for the arti-
Gle myself" replied the sheriff.
"Hain't, Ell? Wal, I guess we'll
see about that poorly soon. Eff I'M
: derstand the law, it is clear case that
you have been tradin' with me-hawk-