Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-12-17
OcyrrhOdine.

When is a child not child? When it, bed.
Salad for the solitary-Let US (lettuce) alone
A shadow without substance-The shadow
Of doubt. :.
Whv is anirror like slanderer? Because 1t
casts reflections.
Why are good resolutions like fainting ladies
They want carrying out.
When did fruit begin to swear? When the
apple damned the pair.
People who travel in cannibal countries are
ant to be turned into Indian meal.
WHY are old maids the most charming OF
peopie? Because they are matchless.
Whv is a noney-loaner like man rowing a
boat? Because he relies upon his overs
Wbv is the letter ? like person attempting
to strike an Irishman? 1t makes at Pat.
IF bottle of ginger pop weighs a pound and
a half, how much will your grandpop weigh!
Why is landlords wife calling to her spouse
like bill of goods? Because it's an lnn-Volce.
Brigham Youngs benedictions are five min
utes long-not SO lengthy as his maedictions
WHY is fanciful idea entertained by negro
like certain avocation? Because it is black
myth.
A correspondent writes to know where axle
trees grow. We have seen them groan under
a wagon
An architect proposes to build ''batchelor' S
hall'' which will differ from most houses in hay
ing no caves.
A lady asked a gentleman how old he was ?
He answered, "my age is what you do in ev-
erything (xD.
Woman is composed of 243 bones, 100 mus
cles, and 396 pins. Fearfuly and wonderfully
made, and to be handled with care to avoid
scratches.
fMassa, [ know young lady dat wants to
make your acquaintance very much Z" What
does the young lady want to make my acquain-
tance for?' cause she links you make fust
rate playmate for her poodle dog
A sharp youth borrowed stick of candy from
a little comrade, to show him that he could pull
it out of his ear. He swaed it, and then turn
ed himself into various ways to extract it, but
at length informed his companion that he had
forgotten that part of the trick.
Two dutchmen lived very close together and
they had been fast friends but they fell out and
hated each other like Indians. One of them
got sick and sent for his neighbor, and said :
Hans, am going for to die-wil you forgive
me?' eff you die [ will, - said Hans, if you
get well again the old debt will stand goot'
A little urchin, begging in the city the other
day, was asked by lady who filled his basket,
if his parents were living? only dad, marin, -
said the boy ''Then you have enough in your
said the lady. "Oh, no, haven't neither, y
said the lad "for dad and me keeps five board
ers-he does the housework, and do the mar
keting."
A very corpulent gentleman travelingIn Min
nesota. was walking backwards and forwards in
front of tavern, while the horses were chang
ing. One of the gapers, an inhabirant of the
place, had mind to be witty. Viewing the
gentleman person, he accosted him with: Il
see, sir, you carry your portmanteau before you.
Certainly" said he, Il always think it req
uisite to have it under my eye when passing
through suspicious looking place. -
The woman who yesterday called the atten-
ton of another to the dilapidated condition of
our breaches, whereat they both laughed SC
heartily, is informed that we will purchase a
new rig when her husband S little bill is settled
it has been due over year. Notes., When
you speak disparagingly of a passer-by, and dc
not wish to be over heard, talk low. 2, Don't
crltclSe the printer dress too closely while
wearing silks purchased with money due to him
3. Tell your husband to send us $lS at once
and save the cost of an entire suit
An old topper, after indulging quite freely in
his accustomed beverage, amused himself by
teasing gmettlesome horse. The animal NOT
fancying his familiarity, suddenly~~eleva his
heels, and the disciple of Bacchus found himself
sprawling in an adjacent mud puddle. Gather
ing himself up as quickly as possible, he shout
ed to his son, who was stahdingb by:
''John, did you see me kick that hoss?"
why, no, dad the boss kicked you'll
Reckon not, John One or t'other of us
got badly h'isted. faint me, John, for am