The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1867-05-24

IL 10 pOSouoS VIZ, h"NC bOCH ~ sohs
accustomed to hearing the noise Of
infantry that they Immediately
re-cnlist into that arm of the serv-
ice.-Jackson County Banner.
You have it nearly right. 1t is
because they can furnish their own
artillery in the line Of
infantry without supplies from the
Government Sparta Democrat.
Not quito right. They become so
attached to the service, that upon
being discharged, they forthwith
proceed to raise an infantry squad"
Of their own. n.-Prison City Item.
We bave nothing to say after the
above witticisms. One practical
demonstration is worth more to man
or woman than u dozen theories.-
n. I. Times.
A gentleman who had built a
small house in sequestercd part of
his grounds for his private study.
showed it to a friend, remarking,
Here I sit reading from morning
till night, and nobody a bit the
wiser!"
The clergyman in a certain town.
as the custom is, having published
the bans Of matrimony between two
persons, was followed by the clerks
reading the hymn beginning with
these words, mistaken souls, who
dream of heaven!' ........
The wife of an excentric Western
judge complained to him that he was
always reading, and took no notice
of her, 81 wish," said she, "that
l was book, then ] should enjoy
more Of your company" eyes my
DEAR" replied the judge, II wish
you were book-but an almanac.
l mean-for then ] should change
you every year. "
A English traveller, by mistake,
left an under garment at country
inn, where he had passed nj ght.
He wrote to the landlady to forward
to him the missing article, where
upon he received the following reply:
"My gentle sir, pray don't feel hurt;
III frankly tell you all about it.
rvc made a shift of your old shirt,
And you must make shift without it.''
After the battle of New Orleans,
taveru-kcepcr of that city coma
planned to General Jackson, who
who happened to stop in his bar
room. that some Ct his officers had
threatened to cut his throat from
ear to ear unless he gave them credit
foSa all the liquor they might want.
''If they cut your throat, I'll have
the rascals Lansed in ten hours af-
forwards" said the General. ''Pd i
rather you'd have it done TEN MIN
UTEs BEFORE" said Boniface
whcreupon the General "smiled. "
DR.. Williams, very accomplished
and celebrated physician, who prac-
ticed for many years in the town Of
Clarksburg, was called, upon cer-
! OCCASION. to visit lady who con-
templated a speedy contribution to
the census returns. As she had been
a wife bnt seven months, her judi
cious mamma felt some solicitude
over the situation, and so expressed
herself to DR.. W. "Ycs, madam. "
said he in response to her ANXIOUS
inquiry, ''it often occurs in this way
with the first one, BUT he added
soothingly, 1T WILL NEyERuAPPHS
AGAIN" .. .s
"Why, Mary, my dear. how is
this; | fad you sitting here so COM
fortably with your husband? You
told me this morning you had quar-
relied, and he had gone for sailor F"
81 father. ! told nothing Of the
kind. " "Oh, nonsense! I am sure
you said you had some words togeth-
or" eyes father, SO we had. He
asked me what o'clock it was, l said
| didn't know, and 50 left the house.
saying he was going to SEE. That's
all L told you ....H..
This note came with a baby to tho
doorstep of house in San Francis
co: Dear Mrs. Chamberlain, I am
little motherless child. Ny father
is poor but honest. He has four
other children to support; but my
Heavenly Father has sent me unto
you, to be a daughter to you. I have
no name; therefore, please give me
what name you may choose. l bring
with me my bottle. Feed me only
oa one cows milk. Yours, aff, c.
ionately, BABY"
Some farmers sell two crops in the
winter. In the fore part it is hay.
in the latter part hides.
The farm products of California for
1866 were worth S34, ,000, ,0C0.
The cows in the State of New
York are equal in value to all the
hogs, sheep, mules, and horses.
From the crop Of sugar beets rails
ed at Chattsworth, Illinois, they
have made 100000 pounds of nice
sugar. They are plOwing now for
the next crop.
A clergyman gave toast that was
not very gallant at late freman's
cele bration '.Our fire cnrines-May