The tri-weekly standard. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1866-1868, 1867-05-28
Official Cop,
T. Holt, Judge-Advocate-Gene

Ell smo." April 18th, 14th.--Friday
+bo Ides. Until to-day nothing was
o,or thoucht of sacrificing to our country's
Irrnprs For six months we had worked to
c,ntnrc but our cause being almost lost,
something decisive and great must be done
Rnt its failure was owing to Others who did
not strike for their country with heart. l
struck boldly and not as the papers say l
walked with a firm step through thousand
of his friends and was stopped, hut pushed
ON, A colonel was at his side. L shouted
Sic temper" before 1 fired In Jumping l
broke nv lee. Ipassed all his plckets, and
rode so miles that night with the bone of
nv leo tearing the flesh at every jump. L
can never repent it, though we hated to kill.
Onr country owed all her trouble to him,
and God simply made me the instrument OF
his punishment. The country is not what
# was. This forced Union is not what l
have loved. care not what becomes of me.
have no desire to outlive my country. This
niuht. before the deed" | wrote long ar
ticle and left it for one of the editors of the
National Ipte!7igencer, in which [ fully set
forth our reasons for our proceedings. He
or the Government.
= =
dog through the swamps, woods, and last
night being chased by gunboats till was
forced to return wet, cold, and starving,
with every mans hand against me- am
here in despair. and why? Brutus was hon
ored for. what made Tell hero, and yet 1,
for striking down greater tyrant than they
ever knew, a looked upon ans common
cut throat. My action was purer than either
of theirs One hoped to be great, the other
had not only his country's, but his wrongs
to avenge l hoped for no gain. knew no
private wrong. struck for my country, and
that alone-a country that groaned beneath
his tyranny and prayed for this end, and
yet now behold the cold hand they extend
to me. God cannot pardon me if l have
done wrong; yet | cannot see my wrong, eX-
cept in serving a degenerate people. The
little, the very little l left behind to clear
my name, the Government will not allow to
he printed. So ends all. For my country
have given up all that makes life sweet
and holy, brought misery on my family, and
am sure there is no pardon in heaven for me.
since man condemns me so. I have only
heard of what has been done, except what I
did myself, and it fills me with horror. God
try and forgive me. and bless my mother
Tonight will once more try the river, with
the intent to cross, though I have greater
desire and almost a MIND to return to Wash
ington, and in a measure clear my name
which / feel l can do do not repent the
blow struck. 1 may before my God, but
not to man. I think [ have done well though
l am abandoned, with the curse of Cain up
on me, when, if the world knew my heart,
that one blow would have made me great,
though did not desire greatness Tonight
try to escape the bloodhounds once more
Who, who, can read his fate2 Gods will
be done. have too great a soul to die
like criminal. Oh ! may He, may He spare
me that and let me die bravely. L bless the
entire world. Have never hated or wronged
any one. This last was not a wrong unless
God deems it so, and it is with him to damn
or bless me. And for this brave boy with
me who often prays Yes before and since,
with a true and sincere heart. Was it crime
in him ? If so, why can he pray the same
I do not wish to shed drop of blood, but
[ must fight the course. IT'S all that's left
for me-"
Upon piece of paper found in the diary,
and supposed to have been torn from it, is
written the following:
"My Dea piece torn out) Forgive me,
but l have some little pride. l cannot
blame you for want of hospitality. You
know your own affairs. was sick, tired,
with broken limb, and in need of medical
advice, and could not have turned dog
from my door in such plight. However
you were kind enough to give US something
to eat, for which not only thank you, but
on account Of the rebuke and manner in
which to- (piece torn OUT it is not the
substance, but the way in which kindness is
extended that makes one happy in the ac-
ceptance thereof. The sauce to meat is cere-
inony. Meeting were base without it. Be
Knd enough to accept the inclosed five dol
Jars although hard to spare for what we
nave received: Most respectfully your ODE
dlent servant"