The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-05-01


IL is one OF the penalties of the most exalted
rank, that they who occupy It must, to GER
tam extent, put restraint upon their natural
desne Tor privacy. In her gradual approach to
her former life let us deal gently and lovingly
with our Queen, as a child would towards
parent, that che may know that we understand
aud can appreciate the great sacrifice she is
making Of herself for the public good and that
we are fully sensible that human nature is the
same in all-that the stricken heart OF both rich
and, poor alike need repose and time TO recover
There is, however, one aspect of this subject
the expression OF griel-with which we con.
iess 10 have very little patience We
many instances, are followed to an absurd
extent. There are some persons in the world
VINO cannot exist without satisfying themselves
that all they do Is en- regte. We have known in
stances in which when the death of a relation
has been announced, for whom the survivors
had no feeling but that ofdislike, that they
think 1t necessary to shut themselves up in
their rooms, as II they were overwhelmed with
atficton. They go through the farce of pre-
tending to sorrow which all the world knows
they do not feel. Heirs who never cared for
those from whom they inherit, think it neces
cary TO go, through certain formalities A
brother who has supplanted us in
our birthright, or in the affections of
some one on whom we were dependent and
who has plotted against us 10 his own adyan-
tage and our injury; child, whose disobedi-
ence and want OF affection has been the trial
ana torment ot our lives; a mother, who has
who has been the bane of her home cannot
cause the same sorrow and regret as those whose
ialthiulness, tender care, dutllulness, unselesh-
ness, land uprghtness have endeared them
to all who have been associated with them.
And yet no distintion is made the same eti-
quettes are observed, the same retirement from
the world, the same expressions, the same Ian
guage IS adopted in both instances. We do not of
course, refer TO the custom of wearing mourn
ing, which is a rule which cannot be dispensed
with; and, SO far, etiquette may serve us in
good stead when 1t prevents our proclaimIug
too plainly to the world the estimation in which
we have held our deceased relatives and friends
1t is said that "blood is thicker than water that
ties of relationship bind more strongly than
other ties. 1t may be so where the mutual
obligations of relationship are cheerfully full
filed, but certainly not where those obligations
have been neglected, set at nought, and contra
diCted through life.
ITO be wrolh with one we love,
Doth work madness in the brain;"
and ties of relationship are worse than without
force, when all the affection, kindness, and con-
slderation which they are supposed to repre-
sent, are not only wanting but reversed.
Two rather absurd and amusing instances
occur to us connected with the subject of ETH
quettes of griet. One was that of parish clerk,
who was called upon to take part in the funeral
obsequies of one of our country magnates.
The clergyman, having been somewhat dis.
concerted by the apparent backwardness of
the clerk to make the responses, which, when
he did make them, were not in his usual
were suffering from severe cold, IN
quired, after the service was over, whether he
was i'll. The clerk both looked and expressed
astcnishment at being so interrogated. The
clergyman explained, and added that he was
AFRAID he was suffering from severe cold. The
clerk instantly drew down the corners of his
mouth, and said, in the same snuf1ing, lachry-
NOSE tone, that be was not i'll, but that he
thought 1t his duty to appear affected. The
other was that OF a lady who had recently be-
come widow. She had not been conspicuous
for fidelity or conjugal affection, and when she
saw some OF her husbands relatives for the first
time after his death, and observed or thought she
| observed them scanning, with looks OF disappro-
| baton, her uncovered head, torestalled all re-
| monstrance by saying, with sigh, that dear
Tom" had made her promise she would not dis
| figure herself by wearing that hideOus head
| dress called widows cap; dear Tom," she
| well knew, was not man to know or trouble
| himself about any woman's dress when he was
| alive, and ii was net likely that his rest would
| be disturbed by the thought that his lovely
| widow might be dishguring herself by wearing
| the sign OF her widowhood.
II continually happens, during a London
| season, that a whole family is shut out from
| society by the death of a relative for whom
they never cared, and whom some of them
never beheld. The rule of etiquette has en-
acted that no one shall mix in society till after
| a certain time has elapsed after the death of a
| relative, and kind OF graduated scale has been
| fixed, varying according TO the degrees OF rela
| tiOnship. ANY infringement OF this rule is
| severely commented upon, and the transgres-
| sors are denounced as unieelng, indecent,
! heartless, and many other things besides. A
| mother who has several daughters to dispose of
! or perhaps it may be only one, but that one
| on the apparent verge of a proposal from
| most eligible pd1tj-is sometimes suddenly shut
| out from society by an etiquette which demands
| OF her retirement from the world for q
| season, on account of the death OF relation
| for whom none of them ever cared, or had any
reason TO regret, and she has perhaps to bear,
IN addition, the uncertainty whether, the
AN X1ously expected marriage will ever 'come
OIL, the course OF true love having been inter-
| rupted at a critical moment. Instances might
| be multiplied dd ,ntjnttun1, exposing both the
| lnconVenlences ana absurdities which result
| from a compliance with the rigorous laws of
| etiquette. There are people who think it in
| decorous, at such times, to meet the different
members OF their family at dinner, but manage
| TO get over their grief at tea time, and have
| little coteries in their bedroom or sltting-room:
or who think it honoring the dead TO darken
one OF their windows for a twelve-month with
a huge unslghtly hatchment; and who consider
| mutes, and an assemblage of mourning coaches
| and private carriages, indispensable appendages
OF grief. The custom OF people sending their
| private carriages closed, as their representa-
tlyes, to follow in the train of funeral process
sion, is certainly one of the strangest imaglna-
bic. In fact, all funerals in this country have
! somewhat pagan aspect, owing to the power OF
etiquette, which has prescribed what shall or
shall not be done, and which scarcely any one
daTes to resist. When the heart Is bowed down
with grief, and silently pleads to be let alone,
the undertaken has 1t all hls own way and
hatbands and scarts OF silk and Grape swell the
amount OF his bill, and help to make the solemn
ceremony proat TO himself. The clerk gets
another breadth for his wie's Sunday gown.
and the clergymans wife or daughter a new
silk apron.
The tTadesman complies with etiquette and
puts up shutterln honor of deceased patron
| ag on or nNnn nkipaur - a..