Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1867-07-24
The story of a BadlLIttIe Roy
who Didn't Come 10 Grief
BY MARK TWAIN.

BY MARX TWAIN.
Once there was bad little boy whose
name was Jim-though if you will no.
tice, you will find that bad little boys
. are nearly always called James in your
Sunday School books. It was very
strange, bnt still it was true that this
one was called Jim.
/. He didn't have any sick mother,
either-a sick mother who was pious
and had the consumption, and would
be glad to lie down in the grave and
be at rest but for the strong love she
bore her boy, and the anxiety she felt
that the world would be harsh and
cold to him when she was gone. Most
bad boys in the Sunday School books
are named James, and have sick moth
ers who teach them to say. "Now l lay
me down." &C., and sing them to sleep
with sweet plaintive voices, and then
kiss them good night, and kneel down
by the bedside and weep. But it was
different with this fellow. He was
named Jim, and there wasn't anything
the matter with his mother-no con-
sumption, or anything of that kind
She was rather stout than otherwise,
and she was not pious; moreover, she
was not anxious on Jim's account
She said that if hs were to break his
neck, it wouldn't be much loss. She
always spanked him to sleep, and she
never kissed him good night; on the
contrary, she boxed his ears when she
was ready to leave him.
Once this little bad boy stole the
key of the pantry and slipped in there
and helped himself to some jam, and
filed up the vessel with tar, SO that
his mother would never know the diff
ference; but all at once terrible feel
ing didn't come over him, and some
thing didn't seem to whisper to him,
sis it right to .disobey my mother!-
Isn't it sinful to do thisi Where do
bad little boys go who gobble up their
good, kind mothers jamf" And then
he didn't kneel down all alone and
promise never to be wicked any more,
and rise mp with light, happy heart,
and go and tell his mother all about it,
and beg her forgiveness, and be blessed
by her with tears of pride and thank
fulness in her eyes. No; thin is the way
with all other bad boys in the books,
but it happened otherwise with this Jim
strangely enough. He ate that jam,
and said it was bully, in his sinful, vul-
gar way /; and he put in the tar, and
said that was bully also, and laughed
and observed that "the old woman
would get up and snort" when she
found it out; and when she did find
it out, he denied knowing anything
about it, and she whipped him severe
ly, and he did the crying himself
Everything about this boy was curious
everything turned out differently
with him from the way it does to the
bad Jameses in the books.
Once he climed up in farmer Acorn's
spple-tree to steal apples and the
limb didn't break, and he didn't fall
down and break his arm, and get torn !
by the farmers great dog, and then |
languish on q sick bed for weeks, and |
repent and become good. Oh no /;
he stole as many apples as he wanted,
and came down all right; and he was
all ready for the dog, too, and knock |
ed him endways with rock when he |
came to tear him. 1t was very strange
nothing like it ever happened in
those mild little books with marble
backs, and with pictures in them of
men with swallow-tailed coats and bell
crowned hats. and pantaloons that are
short in the legs, and women with the
waists of their dresses under their arms
and no hoops on. Nothing like it in
any of the Sunday school books.
Once he stole the teachers pen-knife
and when he was afraid it would be
found out, and he would get whipped,
he slipped it into George Wilson's cap
poor Widow Wilson's son, the moral
boy, the good little boy of the village,
who always obeyed his mother, and
never told an untruth, and was fond of
his lessons and infatuated with Sun
day school. And when the knife
dropped from the cap, and poor George
hung his head and blushed, as if in
conscious guilt, and the grieved teach
er charged the theft upon him, and
was Just in the very act of bringing the
switch down upon his trembling shoul-
ders, white-haired, improbable JUS
tice of the peace did not suddenly sp-
pear in their midst and strike an atti-
tude and say, 'spare this noble boy
there stands the covering culpritl I
was passing the school door at recess,
and, unseen myself, saw the theft
committed" And then Jim didn't
get whaled, and the venerable Justice
didn't read the fearful school homily
and take George by the hand and say
that such boy deserved to be exalted,
and then tell him to come and make
his home with him, and sweep out the
Office, and make fires, and run errands
and chop wood, and study law, and
help his wife to do household labors,
and have all the balance of the time to
play, and get forty cents a month, and
be happy No; it would have happen 4
ed that way in the books, but It didn't
happen that way to Jim. No med I
ding old clam of a justice dropped in I
to make trouble, and so the model boy I
George got thrashed, and Jim was glad !!
Of it because, you know, Jim hated !
moral boys. Jim said he was "down s
On them milksops." Such was the
coarse Language of this bad, neglected G
BOY. 9
But the strangest thing that ever :
to Jim was the time he went
boating on Sunday and didn't get Q
drowned. and that other time that he
got caught out in the storm when he
was fishing on Sunday and didn't get ?
struck by lightning. Why you might
ook, and look and look, through the
sunday school books from now till o
1ext Christmas, and you would never 2
,ome across anything like this. Oh .
10; you would find that all the bad 8
ooys who go boating on Sunday inVs- u
-iably get drowned; and all the bad
Joys who get caught out in storms, e
when they are fishing on Sunday, in
allibly get struck by lightning. Boats
With bad boys in them always upset on
sunday, and it, always storms when
,ad boys go fishing on the Sabbath :
How this Jim ever escaped is mys- =
cry to me. 9
This Jim bore q charmed life-that :
must have been the way of it. Moth =
ng could hurt him. He even gave the = :,
ELEPHANT in the menagerie plug of =
obacco, and the elephant didn't knock :"
he top of his head off with his trunk.
Ie browsed around the cupboard after :"
ssence of peppermint and didn't make =,
mistake and drink aqua fortis. He =
tole his fathers gun and went hunting :,