davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
NO.. 48.
AN EDITORS LIFE.

An editors work is never done. He
is called upon to furnish others not only
with IDEAS but brains as well. He has
every one to please, and struggles hard
to accomplish this end. Yet the difi.
cu'tles are so grea, he rarely succeeds.
The editor Of the Ohio State Journal 10
thoroughly sound on this point, and
discussing it says with truth. Some.
body will always be found to find fault
with him, either for what he publishes
or else for what he leaves out. 1t isa
singular fact that the articles writer
considers his best are frequently passed
over by the reader without notice, while
another which costs little and is consid.
cred OF little consequence, is extensively
reprinted. The editor must never fol,
low his own taste ifhe does, he pleasss
himself alone. He may feel an intense
disgust for horrible accidents "a large
share OF his readers crave them as q
person with disordered stomach does
unwholesome food. He may bs nauseat,
ed by marvellous stories-- many OF his
readers will leave his profoundest dis
cusslons OF political principles Tor want
OF principle) unread, for story OF soma
monstrosity. The politician wonders
why he has no exhaustive leader on tho
taxation of townopumps if he has q
stunning article on that subject eyery>
body else wonders why so unininteres>
ting matter was allowed to occupy 40
much valuable space. Young gentlemen
Just beginning to discover the shadow Of
coming event on the upper lip, think
it 'doosid boah that there Is not more
nice poetry ladies would like to SEQ
something about the newest and sweetest
th'ngln bonnets; old Csntpercent wants
to know the state of the markets, as also
does our friend Dandie Dnmont, who
has cattle for sale. The Rev. Mr.. Sleek
thinks We are running the morals of tho
rising generation by publishing accounts
OF horse races, base,balls, and other
wckedness; old Miss Prim wants to
hear some lovely scandal, eIopemsu,
or suicide; Farmer Broadacres want to
know the best breed Of sheep; and the
farmers wife and pretty daughters want
to read moe story. All these different
tastes and thousand others haye to be
gratiied. Everybody may got ths par.
tlcnlar thing he wants, yet he is dissatis,
lied and distressed, because there il
something in the paper he don't wan,
never dreaming that the something in
the very thing another will read with
delight.
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
co@NDRUMs.

A late number of The Galdry contains
an exhaustive article on the subject OF
conundrums. 1t might be called digest
OF the art. The following will show it
to be very simple art:
We " ill use the dictionary once more.
Turn to s; and discover which words
there are which will furnish pun by
omtting the $; for instance, school /;
take off and you have cool. Now
proceed thus; WIZ is man who does
not lose his temper liks schoolmaster
Because he (keeps schooD. When does
a man entertain hls horse aud guest
alke7 When they both feed at his
table (his stable). Why is man who
goes up town after beer like the goods
in an auctioneer's storel Because he Is
up for g ale (up for sale). Why is sper-
maceti like busybody? Because it
makes scandals. There are others made
on the same principle, but for which the
dictionary affords but little help, as
when we say that an old dog is like an
inclined plane, because he's slow pup
(slope upl; or that hens cannot see i'm
mortality, because they get their necks
twirled (next world) in this One of the
worst of this kind was DR.. Holmes:
Why is an onion like piano =? Because
its smells odious. A pun can also be
made sometimes, by drawing or lengths
ening out the pronunciation offs word,
as when we say that the kind Of monkeys
that grow on grape vines are gra-apes.
A style Of conundrum has become
very frequent and popular which is foun>
ded on transportation of letters or
words, givinga new aud surprising
sense. have opened one package OF
this class. The first one is as follows /:
What is the difference between stabbing
a man and killing swine 7 One is as
sault with intent to kill, the other is
killing with intent to salt. So it is dis
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
DEMOCRACY'S NEW BE RN LOVE.
AIR-''Hep as Cassius,

The night is dark and doleiul too,
Each moment rings us troubles new;
We 'remhlc on perdiion's brink,
o help us, niger, or sink!
0 darkies dear we never meant
To have "wlile mans Government"
And though we used to say you stink
Yet, help us, niggers, or we sink
Trust no: for freedom TO the Yanks.
But let us buss on Dixics banks,
Buss dine and sup on Dixle's brink
o help us, niggers, or We sink!
We swear We love your color well,
Wen paint ourselves MS black as hell,
Wen hug you tight and never blink,
o help us, nlggers 0. we sink
Upon the street we'll give you greetings
And make you chairman Of our meetings;
And treat and pay for every drink
Ohelp US. niggers, or we sink!
Our peck of dirt we'll gladly cat
Until Republicans we defeat;
Then, by the Lord we'll turn our coat
And hold you niggers by the throat!
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
GIVE HIM THE MlTTEN

'Ah, mon dreu + said Monsieur Mel,
mots to hit friend Shifting, my sweet.
heart give me the mitten.'
lndeed--how did that happen =
We'll, 1 fought l must 60 to make
her Won leetle vuiset before leave town.
so step in de side room, and dare /
behold her beautiful person stretched
out on Won lazy
"A lounge you mean
'Ay yes-von lounge. And den I
make Won very polite branch and
'You mean polite bow
'Ay, yes-von bough. And den I
say l was very sure she would be rotten.
if l did not come to see her before L.
'You said whati'
4 said she would be rotten if
chats enough. You have put You,
toot in it, sure.'
No, sars. Iput my foot out of il,
Tor she says she would call der sacre bis
brother and kick me out, be gar! Ihad
intended to say mortified, but could
not think OF de same as Won in my dic.
tionalre.
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08

and will permit me to continue, as here.
tofore, TO manifest it on all proper oc-
casons You are now Washington's
Legitimate successor and occupy po-
s'tion of almost dangerous elevation. --
But 1t you continue, as heretofore, TO be
yourself, simple honest and unpretend-
ing, you will enj y through lite the re,
spect and love of friends, and the hom-
age of millions of human beings that
will award YOU large share in securing
to them and their descendants a govern
ment of law aud stability. l repeat
you do General Mcpherson and myself
too much honor AT Belmont you man-
Tested your traits, neither of us being
near, AT Fort Donaldson, also, you
illustrated your whole character. l was
not near and General Mel cl'herson, in too
subordinate capacity to influence you
Unit you had won Donaldson l confess
l was almost cowed by the terrible array
of anarchial clements that presented
themselves at every point nut that ad-
mitted the ray of light which I have
followed since. l believe you are as
brave, patriotic and just as the great
prototype, Washington as unseltisb,
kindhearted and honest as man should
be; but your chief characteristic is the
simple faith in success you have always
manifested, which l can liken to
nothing else than the faith Chris
tan has in a Saviour. This faith gave
You victory at Shiloh and Vicksburg.-
Also, when you have completed your
best preparations you 60 into battle
without hesitation, as at Chattanooga
20 doubts, no reserves; and | tell you it
was tEis that made us act with conf.
dence. knew, wherever | was, that
YOU thought of me, and If l got IN
tight place, you would come If alive
My only points OF doubt were In Your
knowledge OF grand stategy and of
books OF science and history but con-
tess your common sense seems to have
supplied all these Now. as to the fu-
ture. Don't stay in Washington. Hal,
leck is better qualified than you to stand
the Bullets Of intrigue and policy Come
West. Take to yourself the whole Mis-
slssippl Valley Let us makelt dead
snre. and | tell you the Atlantic slopes
and Pacific shores will follow its destiny
as sure as the limbs of a tree live or die
with the main trunk. We have done
much, but still much remains Times
influences are with us. We could almost
afford to at still and let these influences
work. Even in the seeded States your
word would now 60 farther than
Presidents proclamation or all act of
Congress. For Gods sake, and your
country's sake.come out Of Washington.
for, told to General Halleck, before he
left Corinth, the inevitable result and
now txhort you to come out Vest
Here lies the seat of the coming empire.
and from the West, when our task Is
done. we will make short work of
Charleston and Richmond, aud the i'm
poyeriShed coast of the Atlantic.
Your sincere friend, w. T. SHERMAN.
General Grant.
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08

One cold night recently a married
man, who lives not ten miles from this
place, was disrobing, preparatory to re-
firing for the night, while removing tho
garments usually upheld by suspenders,
his foot slipped and he fell backward.
seating himself squarely upon the hot
shovel. He was not slow in rising, and
knowing that his wife, who was asleep
in the adjoining room, would know some
remedy for burns, he called to her.
'Wite vito have burned me + His
wife, partially awakened, not knowiur
the extent of bis injury replied, Spit on
it ! Why don't you spit on iti' The
response to the question was more en-.
phatio than polite.
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08

fer it wuz evident to the dnlest compre>
hen>len that noihin more coodent be
done that mite. Ez yoosual f,iIe Ton
want Nv capital, He'd l bin po.sest NV
the paltry sum OF five dollars how differ.
ent wood hrv been the result! Per.
chance we may, thro that defshency,
lose Kentucky 1t must meyer occur
agin-my salary must be raised. cant
mako brix wlthouLstlaw.
Joe Bigler met me next mornin and
remarkt that he regretted the occurrence,
ez he ardently desired to see the two ra-
ces pulin together. The fault, Per-
tesser,' sed he, 'wuz in not mauagin
properly. The ~ xt time 700 want a
spectacle niger to sit on the platform
with 700 and the Deekin, or kiss or en-
brace yoo-git him drunk. He'll do 1t
then, probably-I know he will Efhe's
drunk enuff he'll hurrah for Johnson, and
it's possible to ge, EN- down to the pint
Nv votin with you. Lord how whisky
drags man down, See wat it's brot
yoo to and the insultin wretch rolled
off latin boisterously. Get cm drunk,
Perfesser,' he yelled ez long ez he Good
see me-
We don't intend to give it up. Big
lers advice wuz given in jest, but, never-
theless, | shall act upon it. Whisky is
wat brings white men to us, and eff a
white man kin be thus capchered, why
not niger The African. hezn't got ez
far to fall to g,t down to our level, and
it'll take less to bring him, Bascom Or
dered five barrels to- day, wich l spose
the administrator will pay for. We
have yet the Moo York Custom House,
ard more Nv the pcrkesits must be yoos-
ed for politik!e purposes.
PErRoLEuM V. NAsBY, p NJ.
(Wich is Postmaster) and likewise Pro,
fessor of Biblikle Poiticks In the
Southern Classlkle and Military Ins,i-
toot.
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
GPriyate.]

NASHVILLE. Tenn, March 4, 1861
DEAK SHERMAN-The bill reviving the
grade OF Lieutenant General IN the army
has become n law, and my name has
been sent to the Senate for the place.
now receive orders TO report to Wash~
iuglon inmrdIa ely 10 person, viii, b
indicates either II confirmation or ike
hood of confirmation | start in ihp
morning to comply with the order, but
shall say very distinctly on my arrival
there that | ACCEPT no appointment which
will require me to make that city my
headquarters. This, however, is moi
what | started out to write about.
While | have been eminently successful
in this war, in at least the confidence OF
the public, no one feels more than me
how much of this success is due to the
energy, skill, aud harmonious putting
forth OF that energy and skill, Of those
whom ii Is has been my good fortune to
have occupy q subordinate position
under me. There are many officers to
whom these remarks are applicable to a
greater or less degree, proportonate to
their ability as soldiers. But what /
want is to express my thanks to you and
Mcpherson, as the men to whom, above
all others l feel indebted for whatever
| have lad of success. How far your
advice aud suggestions have been of as
sstance you>know. How far your exc.
cuton Of whatever has been given you
to do entities you TO the reward | am
receiving, you cannot know as well as
l. feel all the & rattude this letter
would express, giving it the most tlatter-
ing construction. The word you tuse
in the plural, intending it for Mcpherson
also. l shall write to him, and will
some day but, starting in the morning
| do not know that will find time just
now. Your friend,
U. S. GRANT, Major General.
Private and confidential
NEAR MEMpuIs, March 10, 1864.
DEAR GENERAL-I have your more
than kind and characteristic letter of the
4th. ! will send copy to General
Mcpherson at once You do yourself
injustice, and us too much honor, in as
signing to us SO large a share OF the
merits which have led to your high ad-
vancement. know you approve the
friendship I have ever confessed to you,
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08

The COMING WHEAT CEop.-Tbs an.
counts from almost every section Of
Maryland, Virginia and North Carolina.
speak OF the prospect Of large crop Of
wheat. A Louisville paper says sos
only in Ohio and Kentucky, but in Ten.
uessee also, the wheat crop is more ex.
tensive than Is usually seen, and prani..
% au abundant yield
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
Posr OEFls, CoNrEDnlT X RoAps,)
(Wich is the Stait NV Kentucky,) :
March 2S. 1867.

POST OFFls, CoNFEDRlT y ROADS,
(Which is the Stait Nv Kentucky) :
March 2S, 1867.
/ hev had many sudden and rather
stordinary changes in poltix-some SC
very su den that the movement prodoos
onjestion Nv the conscience. | rekol
lect wunst Nv advocatin free trade and
high protective tariff, all within twelve
hours, Il made speech in agricul'
tural destrik NV New York in the tore
noon at 10 A. NJ, and in a manufacturin
town in Pennsylvany in the evenin our
platform bein so CONSTRUCTED that both
sides could tind a endorsement in it, and
hev performed many other teats Nv NOR
al gymnastics but this last change |
hev bin called upon to make is probably
the suldenest Last week, Toosday,
Deekin Pogram, Captain McPelter aud
I was engaged in riddn the Corners Nv
niggers We he'd endoored EN- ez long
ez we thot possible, and determined on
standln it no longer. Select'n three wch
we wuz satisfied he'd too much spellin
book into EN- to be enslaved agin, we
wuz preparn notises to be served onto
EN- orderin EN- to leave n twenty-four
hours, when | reserved in the Northern
mail letter marked 'Free-Alexand
w. Randell, 2. M g. | knoweh it
wuz oilishul to wunst-lhat blessld sig,
natoor ~ on my crmmishun, and I've
contemplated il to" item t. be mistaken
in It. lis contents wuz brief, and read
thus:
TO all PoslmaSters in the Southern
5 at,s: The niggers hev vo'es-consil-
lashen is our best holt. See to it,
This brief tho not hard to be under,
8 God order wuz sealed with the ot1isbel
seal Nv the Pos, Offs Department stampt
into putty instead NV wax, to wit A
loaf Nv bread under roll NV butter, with
ten hands grabbln at it. | compre>
hended the stuashen at site, and set
about doom my duty with both Roman
and Sparlen tirmness 'Deekin,' sez |,
,earin up the notises, these nlggers we
hev misunderstood. They are not u in>
ferior race--they are not descendants OF
Ham and Hager-it wuzn't PauPs idea
in sendin back Onesimus to condemn
him to servitood-we hey misunderstood
the situashen, and must make amends.
The nigger is devoid Nv smell, and is
trooly a man and brother!
Wat 2 said the Deekin, tippin back
in amazement.
Jest wat say sez |, read that and
! flung him the letter.
The upshot.uy the conference wich
follered wuz the calling Nv meetin the
next mite, at wch all the Ethlopians NV
the Corners wuz invited and urgedt to
be present
The trouble wuz to git the niggers to
attend the meet,n. The fust one l spoke
to lafft in my face, and asked me how
long it wuz seuce he'd helpt hang
couple Nv nlggers, by way OF flnishen
off celebrashen, Pollok, the Illinois
storekeeper, got hold of 1t, and told Joe
BigIer, and Joe swore that OF tho niggers
hedn't any more sense than we give EN-
credit for, IN sposn we Good bamboozle
Gun 80 sheep, he shood 60 back to the
Did beleet, to wit: that they wuz only
race Nv monkeys, after all
and by mite every nIgger in the vicinity
wuz posted thoroughly, and out Nv all
Nv EN- / Good only git four who would
promise to attend, and them the Deekip |!
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
WIN. Bailey
WATCHES AND JEWELRY.

w IOIIEO AND 'T ="
MAIs STREET, OPPOSITE CoU HOUSE,
JIEEPS ON HANDS ALWAYS A choice
IN and select assortment of watches ana
jewelry. Repairing done at the lowest rates.
apl, ly
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
EXECUTORS NOTICE.

r FILTERS TESTAMENTARY on the
IL estate Of P. A. Myers, Sr. late of Greene
township, Greene county, decd, having been
granted to the undersigned, notice Is hereby
given to all persons indebted to said estate
to make Immediate payment and those hav.
ing claims TO present them Immediately, prop
perly authenticated for settlement.
m A. L. MYERS, f
Of Marion township,
JACOB REYMER,
s;l-sw OF Greene tp., Executors
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
W, III . III u II II vi "A N
lfEPnLIINI, TIILOR

MERCHANT TAILOR
ROOM IN BLAcHLEYs BUILDING, wAYNEsBuRa.
VXIORK made to order, in finest and best
w style, Cutting and Fitting done prompt
ly, and according to latest fashion Plates
Stool, on hand and for sale. May ., If
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
"SHEnMAN HOUSE" "
JUST OPENED BY

POSITIVELY the most complete Hotel in
our town, Everything combined to fur.
nish the best accommodation ever yet offered
to the public.
Meals furnished at all hours, table provid-
Cd with the best of the season.
Travellers and those dcsirous OF refreslmcnt
will do well to call, tom" still retains his od
reputation of an accommo ating gentleman,
an1 hospitable landlord. House, the one for
mery occupied bv the "Messengcr'' Office.
Mays. '66.-ly.
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
T. ON the Toledo Blade.
MASSEY.

THE NEGRO VorE-MR. Nasty IN IMITATION
OF WADE HAMpros. Tries TO CosCILIATE
THE ArmcAN-TuE RESULT OF THE VES-
TURF,
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
Robert UONgherty,
Carriage s Manufacturer

Carriage esg Manufacturer
WAYNEsBURG, Pa,
DESPECTFULLY gives notice that he has
II located in Wayneshorg, Pa, where he in
tends to manufacture
G. RIA G. E s
OF every description From his experience in
the business, he feels confident thai his WORK,
in STYLE finish and durability, will give entlre
satisfaction. It's his determination to purchase
the best material in market, and employ none
but competent workmen.
eyAll new work warrentcd for ono year.
Waynesburg, Feb. 81. 1860 I'll
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.
INTERESTING LETTERS NOT HEREToroRE PuB-
LISIiED.

The Joint Committee on the Conduct
of the War have just issued their report
in an immense volume. containing 10,
ports by Generals Sherman, Thomas,
Pope and other Generals. The volume
contains many documents never yet pub
lished, and among them the two follow.
ing letters:
The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1867-05-08
GEORGE 8. JEFFERY.

ealer in Books and Stationery, Magazines,
~ Daily Papers Fancy Articles, &C., Way
nesburg, Pa. apl, GG-ly.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1867-05-21

J the honor Of the borrower. This is all very
well far a. the parties themselves are concerned
but IL is clearly fraud on the Government which
ought TO get five cents every 500 of such loans
One Of These days in Of the panics which in
store, some careless bank may find its debtor this
stamp question AZ ehoctuai reply TO demand for
repayment Of = call loan
The Bank of Commerce in lie annual statement,
shows To ITS credit surplus fund OF S. O22 ia which
hl' been all realized money and this amount like
The capital stock 81 the Bank IL now yielding IN
;'-est income 10 the shareholders In addition, the
earnings Of the Bank represented under the items
ol Interest, Discount and Pr0his.' amount to
$)C'I4 collection of former debts written of ~ bad
100000 the aggregate of these reserves is $3GiSGS.
Estimating the Government securities held by the
Bank at present current market values the premium
ON then par vane entered Will not be less than
S@OOOO showing "a fair valuation tho capital and
surplus of the Bank 10 amount ut this tihe TO Sl1
cS%9 and equal to $40 GslOO for each share of its
stock
Attention is called to the Card of the Union Trust
Company. Il IL organized under y special charter,
and has a capital Of f2000O00 It's stockholders and
managers are among the active merchants Of the city
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1867-05-21
TIE MARKETs.

MoNDAY. NAV %, 1907
FLOUR AND MEAL-The market for Western and
state Flour less active, but with very limited arrivals
prices are stcader most holders decline 10 make tur
Their concession IN order to realize. and there Is e better
tone At the close the sales $500 hs al so 5OiSh 90
for SupeItue state; $40 0S4 70 for ENIa STATE 81. l30
SI3 10 r the low grades Oi Western Extra 81 tO0 SO 40
for Good TO choice Spring Wheat Extras; So 3j@fl4 %
for Slipping Ohio Oiutc; S14 d$lS ~ for Trade do.
vifhout change: White Wheat Extras sales Of
&l5 S00a7 25 for Trade and Family Extras. Rye Flour
IS hrmcr and fairly active the supply MOI IEc sue5 Vl
hbls at s. as 20 for common To choef Corn Meal IS
easier ara IS more plenty Saes EI IuV SoS, Wy ~
GRAlN-The Wheat market ls lower ana IS qucI lhe
offerings libcra tie inquiry Is coIpned 70 hHeIs
the sales arc GOO bush Common No he'y0 spitns
~ 81 90. and 22,J00 bush fair TO choice 70 MILWAUKEE,
40 81 6SaS2 IS Barley is more active p9rucuary Tor
bond. Barley Malt Is quiet ut 81 % 0S 80. oats are
excited and in active speculative demand. az higher
prices; the sales $1,000 hush ut 81 90e for western
the latter for choice state 1.-THE latter de
lvered Rye IS firm and IN fair demand; sales 5000 bush
Western I'm retail lots m 81 72a$l &C. Corn opened duh
absence az sales It's value is nominal hut New was freely
offered and higher the sales are Zoo bush at y Ter
and delveredthe outside price for small lots southern
is inactive and nominal
Pork to-day prices have improved ht iht m"rbt' ,"-,
rather weak for future delivery hear Of sales OF 800
buyer June at S23 t2 TIC sales, cash ana regular are
$3.50 bbls. at So for old Mess, and S25 200S IS for
New do. Beef is firm sales Of 10 hbls. at SJGsl
for Common to fair Plain Mess; S1a>u for GOOD 10
choice and S2l S25 for Extra DO. Fierce Beef quiet,
sales Of 81 az $50 80 Tor Unuspected India Mes Beef
Hams are dun Cut Meats quiet. and We hear Of only
sales % lI5 boxes at H. Gl1tc for = r. Lard dun and
rather heavy sales of 800 pkgs at l23 4l2c FOR No l. ~
a27c for city; 2} DISCO fOr fair to prime Steam, the
outside rate for small lots.
AFTERNOON PROVISION MARKET, OCLoCK.-Thcrc
has been activity in the market for Pork since
Change; prices have ruled quite firm, and close steady;
sales OF $50 bDlS. Mess al S %, cash ana regular