Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1867-05-29
From Rowell's Advertizing Gazette.
The Natural History of VarI-
nHR1AdKRrfiserR.

with great eagerEesS into the harVeSt-netQ
offered by advertisements, reaps a hand
ful or two of grain, and then rehres- He
is thoroughly convinced that advertising
is profitable and Indispensable; but he
thinks that when the public have been
made acquainted with his business, that
there is no use for further advertising till
a change of season or fashion, or the re-
moval of his place Of business, necessitstes
a further notice to the public. He carries
his advertisement to the newspaper-ofice
much on the same system that some people
carry an umbrella, because the almanac
announces q change of season and a pros
pect of fine trade weather. But Rs, accord
ing to Solomon, he who will not plough
because of the rain shall reap but q scanty
harvest, so he that will not advertise be-
cause of the lowering aspect of the fnan-
cial sky, shall often experience s Scanty
attendance of customers.
The SEingy Advertiser is the miser
among advertisers. He sees The evidences
of prosperity resulting from advertising
all around him, and he covets the prizes
won by this means by others. So he re-
solves to advertise ; but like the half-wit-
ted sportsman who thought that he would
OILY put u n eDOI III uAS IOh1iuS- DACCC
as the number Of birds he intended to kiln,
he determined TO be very economical in
his expenditures in shootin at that coy
bird the general public, and therefore
writes out the tiniest advertisement, with
the advertised articles so jumbled together
to save space, that no one cares to decipher
it. After consulting all the newspaper
offices for the lowest rates Of advertising;
the s. A. finds sheet that is published
for the sake of leyying blaekmail on
corporation or party, of which there are
only about enough printed to afford copies
for the parties pecuniarily interested in it,
and its rates being as moderate as lis in
huence or circulation, the S. A. leaves his
advertisement with it, and goes back to
his store in great haste, to hire additional
clerks, and to make preparations lest the
tide of custom should food on him before
he is ready for it. After he has waited q
day or two he is astonished that no new
customer appears. He reads and re-reads
his advertisement, sees that his name and
address are correct, and then sits down to
cogitate. Consulting q neighbor, he
learns that he has actually thrown away
what little money he expended on the ad-
vertisement. Chagrined, he resolves not
TO be duped again, and buttons up his
pocket when any n suggests to him to
advertise; but being again tempted by
seeing his advertising neighbors' stores
crowded, while his is empty, he proceeds
to the Office of q popular paper, and put
ting down his money with the air of the
Yankee who darned the expense of a
doughnut between himself and his Sarah
A.. ~. a Fs-HH.- l---I. a. L. G.
line notice shall appear at the top of the
most conspicuous column of the paper,
and that there shall be an editorial puff of
Al least q column and q half calling atten-
ton to it, and q hundred copies of the pa.
per sent free to his address. The quizzi-
cal clerk takes his money, and nodding
albright" puts the tiny document on file,
while he shoves his tongue in his cheek.
When the S. A. sees his tiny advertise
ment buried in q corner, he feels the truth
of the adage, "Nothing for nothing" and
despondingly gives up hope but ever a
single grain of wheat, planted though it
may be in 3 ~ffty-aere lot, will spring up
and bring forth, so the grain advertise
ment astonishes its parslmonious author BY
producing at least n customer.
The Dingdozg Advertiser believes an
keeping pegging away at all times and on
all occasions he views the great public
as q kind of flock of wild pigeons, at
which if one expends unlimited quantities
Of powder and shot, whether aim is taken
or not, n is sure of having a plentiful
return for his pains. The D. A. never
grudges tina cost of advertisements; he
knows that the bate is triAing in compar-
ison to the size of the fish to be caught
He1nsists on having the most conspicuous
part of the paper devoted to his notices.
and obtains It because he is willing to paw
Tor 1t Dull times do not terrify the ID.
a, for he Is aware that people then have
more time to read his illusions. He nat
ronlzes all the widely-read papers, so that
wherever tie public eye may turn, it is
sure TO meet with one of his notices. His
advertisements are served up in all styles,
from the plain declsritory notice of goods
Tor sale, to the fascinating paragraph COM
mencing with the account of a horrible
murder, or 8 piece of unctuous gossip, and
ending with his name, business, and ad-
dress. He actually hsunts the public. and
people are at last forced to buy from him
py MS ssslculty In following them every
Wnere and appearing to them in every
conceivable printed shape. Hi wares
may be even inferior to those in the same
line Of business as himself, but while they
are making q living only, he Is on the
high road to fortune.
The JUdieious Aduertiser is the graduate
OF advertising experience, and his educa-
ton has been obtained at immense expend-
iture of money and labor. The j. A.
would as soon try to live without food as
without advertising. but he is convinced
mat advertising pabulum can be used
economically, or literally wasted. He en-
deaVors TO be a caterer for the public, not
only directly as regards the articles in
which he deals, but also in the manner in.
which advertisements are served up The
j. A. knows that not only must he lever
allow the public to forget him, but that it
Is profitable that he should always appear
IN smiling form and attractive dress. To.
this end he employs . professional adver-
hsement-v writer, whose business It is 10 set
forth his patrons wares in a style that viii
not only catch the eye but persuade the
judgement. The j. A. knows the truth of
the adage. "many men, many minds"
n therefore addresses himself BY turns
TO all classes Of the community, and varies
MS notices from the mere matter-of-fact
statement of goods and prices, meant for
the information ofvulgar bargain hunters,
to the carefully prepared little essay full
OF historical and literary allnsions, and
occasionally appealing TO the conscience
and religious feelings through the use of
scrlptural Quotations, as well as of COM
polling the judgement by logical analogy.
The j. A. never crowds his advertise
ments; he knows that any advertisement
that Is painful or disagreeable to read is
seldom read, and fer this reason he prefers
having fifty words spread over a hundred
lines 10 crushing into fifty lines five hun
dred words. When business Slackenes.
the j. A. does not, like spasmodic adver.
tisers, stop advertising. He knows that
the fewer advertisements there are in the