Delaware State journal and statesman., 1867-04-09
WIT AND HUMoR.

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I've called you twice,
And yet you lie and snOre
Ipray you wake,
And sec your Jake,
And ope to him the door; or th
winder, don't care much which,
For
1t makes but little difference
To either you or l.
Big pig, little pig,
Root hog, or die.
traveller called at the Castle Tavern in q
certain town, and ordered them to get dinner
worth his money. The landlord, thinking he
would be profitable customer, set before him
a most excellent repast, consisting Of all the
delicaoies Of the season, to which the traveller
did ample justice. When he had finished, the
landlord presented bis little bill, and bis guest
rendered him ten cents 'How is this," replied
the host: "your dinner comes to four dollars. >
mot so," answered the other; III expressly
ordered dinner worth my money, and assure
you this ten cents is all the money have in the
world" The landlord, finding that he wac vic
timized, thought it was useless to argue the
matter any further, and consented to be the
loser on one condition-that the guest should 20
and cheat the landlord of the Red Lion (his enc
my OF dinner likewise. "My good man. -
said the other, 81 cheated him of breakfast
this morning, and he gave me dollar to pay
you visit |"
Several Of the papers have beon running a
parallel between George Washington and jeff.
Davis They waste much paper and columns
of type, without striking the true parallel.
Here is the idea advanced by Jack Parkinson in
regard to IL:
"George Washington-First in war, first in
peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen,
"Jef- Davis-First in rebellion, next in petit
coats, and last in the jail Of his countrymen.n
fellow at the race course was staggering
about the track with more liquor than he could
carry. "Halo, what's the matter now ?" said A
chap who had been run against. "Why. wby.
-hic-why, the fact is, lot of my friends have
been betting liquor on the race to day, and thew
have got me to hold the stakes for them.n
short time ago. during a lesson on the
animal kingdom, the teacher put the following
question "Oan any boy name to me an auimal
oil the order edentata-that is, a front tooth
toothless animal?" boy whose face beamed
with pleasure at the prospect of good mark.
replied, ~ can" "Well, what Is the animal ~
"My grandmother"
A windy orator in the New York Legislature,
after lengthy effort, stopped for a drink Of
water rise said BlOss, to point OF order.'
Everybody started, wondering what the point of
order was. what is it,, asked the Speaker. q
think sir said BlOss, 'it is out of order for
windmill to go by water
sliggins saw a note lying on The ground, but
knew that it was a counterfeit, and walked on
without picking it up. He told smithers The
story, when the latter said; "Do you know.
Sliggins, you have committed very grave Of
fence" "Why, what have done 2" "You
have passed counterfeit bilf knowing it to be
SUCH"
A miller had his neighbor arrested upon the
charge Of stealing wheat from his mill, but being
unable to substantiate the charge by proof, the
court adjudged that the miller should make an
apology to the accused. 'Well," says be, al
have had you arrested for stealing my Wheat--I
can't prove it-and am sorry for it,"
''As was going over the bridge the other
day, said a native Of Erin, 'I met Pat Hewips.
Hewins." says l, chow are you 2" "Pretty
well, thank you, Donnelly," says he. "Donnel
y," says ], 'that's not my name" "Faitb.
then, no more is mine Hewins." So at that we
looked at aich other sgin, an sure enough, it
was nayther Of us.
Are these pure canaries p asked a gentleman
Of bird dealer, with whom be was negotiating
for "a gift for his fair. YES, sir said the bird
dealer, confidently Il raised these ERE birds
from canary-seedl =
Il bequeath,' said an Irishman, in his will, TO
my beloved wife all my property without reserve,
and to my eldest son, Patrick, one half the re.
mander, and to Dennis, my youngest, the rest.
If anything is left 1t may 60 to Terrence Nc
Carly
young lady who was rebuked by her mother |
for kissing her intended justified herself by |
quoting the passage, Whatsoever ye would that |
men should do unto you, do ye even SO unto |
thom.'
Mr.. Dobbs says be has one Of the most obedi- |
ent boys in the world. He tells him to do as he |
pleases, and he does it without murmuriug.'
Are you the mate p said a passenger to the
Irish cook Of a vessel. No. answered Pat, but
I'm the boy that bOis the mattel
scotchman asked an Irishman, why were
half farthings coined in England p Pats an.
swer was "TO give seOtchmen an opportunity
of subscribing to charitable institutions
The following lines were sent with couple |
of ducks to patient by the late celebrated Mr..
Jenner;
I've dispatched, my dear Madam, this scrap Of a |
letter
To say that Miss Wilson is very much better;
A regular doctor no longer she lacks,
And therefore I've sent her couple of euAoKs.
q am certain, wife, that l am right, and that
you are wrong; I1lbet my ears on it,. Indeed.
husband, you shouldn't carry betting to such
extreme lengths
Pan was famous potter in Thrace and the
inventor of those domestic utensils known az
pan mugs. Being fond of rusticating on the
banks of rivers to Whet hia appetite, his Baggish
and satirioal friends used to style him the drip.
ping Pam"
An excited gentleman at FIRE headed line
Of fire buckets, and as fast as they were passed
to him, he threw buckets and all into the FIRE. |
crying out all the whie-'Pass on more buckets +
'Old age is coming upon me rapidly as the