Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-09-24
HsgI2a Tops.

aaaa 17aa I2agi2s Tops.
Dan Sickles should be sent to Key West.
Why is hotel ghost like State constable?
Because it is an inn-spectre. 50 a8
What shall the man say who is sitting on his
wifes best bonnet? I'm sitting on the style,
Mary. oea9
An author has easy times in the world when
ever he gets out of money all he has to do is to
write for me. fa ILE5I4H
IF a man reap whatsoever he soweth, what
harvest of coats and breeches the tailors will
have one of these days.
A lady fixed the following letters in the bot
tom of -four barrel and asked her husband to
read them: OIC U r NJ 7. .rse.3. r.
The advertisement of doctor who under
takes the cure of madness begins thus: "Wor
thy the attention of the insane. s.s.le1z =.
TheywEreseeNgOin Ginano RtHern LyDiRe
Observation-Disclosures 2Sth. THEmoOnwa snot
Su Observation-Disclosures
ssMy lord" said the foreman of Welch jul
nv, when giving in the verdict, I'VE find the
man who stole the mare not guilty.
A negro undergoing an examination as a
witness when asked if his master was Chris
tian, replied: "No, sir, he is a member of Con-
gress. eli ast
ibid you pull my nose in earnest, sir?'
Certainly | did, sir -
at is we'll you did, sir, for I do not put up
with jokes of that kind. /" 7m 5a
The steel of hoop skirt, fan, and grease
spot were found on the sidewalk of Main street
Saturday. 1t is supposed lady unfortunately
melted and these were her remains
An old topper was heard the other day to ad-
wise young man to get married, because
then, my boy, you'll have somebody to pull off
your boots when you go home drunk.
Young Winners says he wishes his Arabella
would not be forever singing Il wish l were
alone. 1t may be very pretty to her, but 1t
seems to him like an invitation to call tor his
title and leave.
We were amused at the remark of an old la
DIV who was admiring the beautiful picture called
Saved ats no wonder" said she, ''that the
poor child tainted, after pulling that great dog
out of the water. .
The editor of an Eastern paper, cross old
bachelor, says: 1.-The reason why women do not
cut themselves in two by tight lacing is because
they lace around the heart, and that is so hard
they cannot affect it.
n Oduduldu newspaper COuldIIlS Tic IOllOW-
ing plaintive advertisements
''Will the gentleman who stole my melons on
last Sabbath night be generous enough to re-
turn me few of the seeds, as the melons are
rare variety
A sick man, just recovering his appetite, ate
eighteen dumplings, and was about entering on
the nineteenth and last in the dish, when his
little son asked his father to give it to him.
why, my son, would you take the last one
from your poor sick father?' nra
Little Sis-"Oh, Buddy, I'm a-goin to have
hoped dress, an oyster shell bonnet, pair
of ear-drops and little baby p
Little Bub-''The thunder you is +! I'm goin
to have pair of tight pants, Shanghai coat,
a shaved head, crooked cane and a pistol y
An Irishman, writing from Philadelphia the
other day to his friend In the old country, con-
cludes as follows:
8 If liver til me fortune to live till l dy-and
God nose whether it is so-I'll visit ould Ire
land afore I lave Philadelfy.'
Ma, has your tongue got legs? Got what,
child? Got legs, ma? Certainly not; but
why DO you ask this silly question? Oh, moth
ing; only L heard pa say your tongue was run
ming from morning till night. and | was won
dering how it could run without legs-that' S all
ma
A Boston boy, five years of age, having sto-
len a can of milk, his mother took him to task
with moral suasion, and wound up her discourse
by exclaiming, what in the world was you go
ing to do with the milk anyhow II was 60
ing TO steal little dog to drink it!'' was the
crushing reply.
The following startling threat was made use
of at Mint Spring, by an excited official: 81 II
twist you round your own neck, and ram you
down your own throat, until there is nothing
left of you but the extreme ends of your shirt
collar sticking out of your eyes, His oppo-
nent left