The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1867-01-17
Ghe gallaa;a''s.
RICHMOND. md, IAN. t7th, 1867



She wasn't : tall, dark Ecdsns;den, with
clear transparent skin, and iips Ike cher
ries, and checks sufFused with bushes.
She didn't have glossy black hair, sweep
ing back in wavy trcsses fron, her queen
" brow, and her form wasn't bit like
Hebe's. No, there were none OF these
things--on the contrary. she was short
and thin, and liad red hair and freckles.
and she also sported snaggie teeth and
wore pads, bur still che was right nice
girl, and there was young man who fell
In love with her, and his name was Bill.
although his friends called him William
when they wanted to-hart his feelings,
for he didn't like it much He WASH,
1ne looking, and had neither curly brown
hair nor q moustache. Hot much. Bill
laid himself out on soap locks, and wore
. goatee that he had dyed twice week
Now this Bill, he was in love with
Mary, but did he 60 and make delibe-
rate ass Of himself? Did he, say. go in
70 . grove with her. and in the soft moon
light, by the streaMlet that murmured
sweetly by, and With the tender zephyrs
sighing through the foliage, fall down on
his knees, sieze her jeweled hand, and
breathe his deep affection in the tender
accents OF fond attachment, and swear
.'by yon brfght'orb above us. always to
be thinner" Did be, ! say?. You can
just bet be didn't; You can lay ont your
whole revenue salety on that. William
knew too much about the price of pants
to 60 hopping around on the wet grass
with his good clothes on; besides, he
never cared anything about streamlets or
any kind OF cold water, except to mix
with his gin. No, sir; it was exceeding
II strange, but this infatuated William
met her at the alley gate, and he stood
right up on his old legs and says: Say,
Mollv -ead gal. sposen we get hitched?''
But how did Mary behaye? Did she
90 dropping to slsep over on the bricks
in dead faint, or did she hide her zen
tie head on his shirt bosom to conceal
her bushes? No, she didn't, and she
didn't say II am ever thine, my own love,
dear William" Oh, my, no. She look
cd right in his yellow eyes and says,
I'm in, Billy; I'm tho gal for these sort
of things. Go i'm And instead of re
ferring him to her father, she only said,
Won't the old man bust right out when
you tell him? Ha! Hal' and she
laughed. But she didn't ask William to
try to modify her fond father No, no.
She very wickedly advised to sspoke the
old man ia the nose if he gave him any of
his lip" She was q funny girl, this
Mary. at
Now, the old man wasn't wealthy, for
he sold soap-ia for . living, and so he
didn't think Bill was nosing around after
his stamps; SO, when Bill asked him, he
neither ordered him ficrcely away, nor
did the dewy moisture gather in his
eagle eye % he passed his hem stitched up
there and said, "Bless you, my children,
bless your Oh. no, nothing Of the sort.
He just blew his old red nose on his
bandana and told Bill to take her along.
for he was glad To get rid Of her, he was,
and William would be the same way
mighty soon, for she was awful rough on
victuals, and always broke dishes when
she got mad.
So, you see, there really was no neces-
sity for William TO come at midnight s
solemn hour, in 6 cab, and throw q rome
ladder up to her window, and whistle
three times on his fingers, and then go
up. hand over hand, and bring her down
in one hand and her trunk in the other.
and band box and an umbrella under
each arm, and whole lot of bundles.
and then get in the cab and fiy to some
distant shore. That's the way it would
have been in a novel; but Bill said he
wasn't on that lay. so he just went out in
the yard, and. out of pure JOY, he skin
ned the cat three or four times on the
grape vine arbor, and then went and rot
his butcher cart. and drove Mary right
down to the magistrate, to get the lob
done for qusrter-for he said he was
some on the low price. he was.
But the very queerest thing of all was,
that Bill had no tall, dark. rufiianlv
rival. with scowling visage and black
whiskers. who dew at him with drawn
dagger and horse pistol in each hand.
and . muttered curse upon his lips. and
cried wildly for Revenge. Ha! ha,
and said. "Sdeathv' and "Villain. ttou
diestr' Not any. There was another
fellow in love with Mollie. to be sure. but
he was . weak eyed young man. who
had sandy hair and wore spectacles and
. choker collar, and always looked scar
cd when you hollered at him. So, when
he saw that Bill had the best of the girls
affections, ne looked all serene, and said.
'sGo In. Billy, if you banker for herr
and as Billy was : tribe on the banker.
he sailed right in.
So William, you see. had NO trouble
at all--and you couldn't get up an aeon-
izing novel about him, if you tried He
didn't have any urgent business that cali
cd nim 10 foreign land, and SO he had
to bid her fond good bye, and swear
always to be true, and then go away ard
forget her and fall in love with a dark.
eyed italian girl picking grapes in a
vineyard, with . square towel folded on
her head, while his forgotten and forsak-
en- Vary gradually faded and pinned awav.
and bafhed the physicians skill and
grew paler. and st last. when the June
roses were in bloom. lying gently down
70 die. while through the open window
hoaaed in the balmy odor of jessamine
and honeysuckle. And William didn,t
come home ct last. and, 6lled with death.
less remorse, 60 daily to the sweet cemc-
terry and etrew nowers on her grave, aud
teach his chlldren to lisp her name. No,
at al. That8s the wsy Mrs E. d. e. n.
SouthwortA would have done it, but she
wasn't rouhd. Billy was a butcher who
wore white shirt and shiny hat and
A. - In