Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1867-04-11
wit and HunaOr.

Butchers "dress to kill"
WHAT is the gentlest kind Of spur
whisper.
Without the deer ladies we should
be but stag-nation.
- What kind of paper resembles a
sneezes Tissue paper. sN
A colporteur says he could always
find sinners because he tract 'em.
when does woman's tongue go
quickestS When It's ona railroad.
What two letters would destroy all
the others, if allowed to do SOL? D K. rTT 3
WHY is the freight of ship like a
locomotive? Because it makes the cargo.
- Why is the letter S like thunder ?
Because it makes our cream sour cream.
When is Echo like a visiting &C
quaintance? When she returns your call.
A woman begins to have great an.
tpathy to dates when she finds herself out of date.
Little girls believe in the man in the
moon-big girls believer a man in the honey
-" What did you give for that horse,
neighbour" "My note" "Well, that was
cheap"
The great secret of success in bust
ness, Is to get 1.-THE ring of the true netal-Prin-
ter'S Zinc.'' rt--
WHY is an offering like a matrimo-
NAL engagement? Because 1t begins with an offer
1t Is surely time that the idea of
Bacon having written Shakspeare's works was
played out. 1t is all CANNON.
Excited Frenchman at Niagara Falls ::
" All dis is de grand spectakell Supaarbl Mag
nefque By gar he is come down first rate /"
The man who has got into the
habit OF bowling to nearly everybody he
meets may be pretty safely set down as nod fet
t0aO.
- Ladies are like watches - pretty
enough to look at-sweet faces and delicate hands,
butsomewhat difficult to regulate when once set
"agoing'' y
-" My opinion u.s." said philosophi-
cal old lady of much experience and observation,
g that any man as dies upon washing day does it
out of pnre Spite"
A footman proud of his grammar,
ushered into the drawing Mr.. Foot and his two
daughters, with this introduction, g. Mr. Foot and
the two Misses Feet"
When Hamlet spoke of making his
quietus with bare bodzin, 1t is evident he meant
to try the qaolopathic mode of getting rid of the
many ills his flesh was heir to.
"A lady who is opposed to having
whist played in her house recently sent invita-
lions for social party, and, lest there should be
some mistake, she added, mo cards.
THE WEATHER.
/ think (said Isabel) the fearful sky Z
Is weeping sadly, only hearit sight
Donot (said Quilp) commiserate its woes;
1t does not weep it only blows it's SHOWS.
There is boy down East, who is
accustomed to go out on railroad track and imi-
tate the steam whistle perfectly as to deceive the
officer at the station. His last attempt proved en-
inently successful: the depot master came out and
switched y him off. .... ,... -, n
A good story is told of French
man, who went into lawyers office one day and
told clerk that he wanted to look at 'sshall."
" SHALL said the astonished auditor; ga shall,
oh, will, you mean "Eh, bien-it is all the
same, will or SHALL" pG
-" When are you going to commence
the pork business?" asked one person of another
said the afflicted gentleman. why, / see that
you have your sty quite ready True was the
reply, "and I've one hog in my eye now"
POOR ECONOMY '-e i-s
g Many man, for love of SELF
To stuff his Golfers, starves himself;
Labors, accumulates and spares,
To lay up ruin for his heirs;
Grudges the poor their scanty dole;
Saves everything-except his soul "
THE DOCTOR.
doctor well-skilled IN the medical art, FE
Mongst, others, for Europe resolved to depart,
i And leave his domestic concerns.
" But what will become of the patients, the while "
ooh fear not neighbor replied, with smile
''They will live-'till the doctor returns!"
A famous judge came late to court
One day in busy season;
Whereat his clerk, in great surprise,
inquired of him the reason.
"a child was BORN his honor said,
Anu Ill Tue Hdppy sire.
IAN infant Judge p ''Oh, no. eaid he
LAS yet he's butt crier.'' .5'.f'
-" Sure" said Patrick, rubbing his
head with delight at the prospect of present from
his employer, L always name to do my duty. II
believe you,'' replied his employer, 'and there
fore shall make you present of all you have sto-
len from me during the year, 'sf thank your
honor" replied Pat: land may all your friends
and acquaintance trate you as literally"
"A young musical prodigy (not a
thousand miles from Cleveland), whose fathers
was called upon by him, one evening, to seat him.
self at the piano and compose and play an air i'm
proanptu, for the edifcation of the company. For
a time the youthful prodigy got on pretty WELL
he exclaimed, "Father, have forgotten the
restl"
- Bubb Doddington was very lethar-
gic Falling asleep day. after dinner with Sir
Richard Temple and Lord Gotham, the General re-
preached Doddington with his drowsiness. Dod-
that he had not, offered to repeat all that Lord
Gotham had been saying Gotham challenged
him to do So Doddington repeated story, and
Lord Gotham owned that he had been telling It.
," And yet" said Doddington, u dld not near a
word of it; but knew that at about this time OF
the day you would tell that story.
Two Irishmen, engaged in selling
packages of linen, bought an old mule to aid in
Carving the burdens. One would ride awhile, then
the other carrying the bales of linen on the mule
One day. the Irishman who was on foot got close
up to the heels Of his muleshiP, when he received
nicked mn a stone. and hurled it at the mule, but
struck his companion on the back of the head.
Seeing what he had done, he stopped, and began
to eroan and rub his shin. The one on the mule
tnrnefi. and asked what was the matter. s.sl f
aThe brutal crathur kicked me-" was the reply.
s. BE iabers he did the same thing to me on the