Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-09-17
Phag2l.

Phasgaa.
Light employment making candles.
What shape is a kiss? Eliptiea "a lip tickle.
Without the dear ladies we would be stag
nation.
Working for bare life-making clothes for q
new baby.
Why is copper like burnt offering? Because
it's in cents.
Wonderful transformation-when young
man turns into beer saloon.
Human existence hangs upon trihes. What
would beauty be without soap?
What bus has found room for the greater
number of people? Columbus.
Why is the letter L like giving sweetheart
away? Because it makes over a lover
The ladies say new cocoanut. waterfalls are
just the thing to wear with gored-dress.
Why is lovely young lady like hinge? p
Because she is something to adore Ia door,
Why is loyal member of Parliament like a.
shrimp? He has NJ. P. at the end of his name
A man is bad off if, in a hard winter, he has
chinks in his roof and no chinks in his pocket.
Why is ambition like weathercock? Be-
cause 1t Is vain and glittering thing to aspire
The Radicals down South raise campaign
money easily. Every mig contributes a scent.
The man who MAKES a business of raising
pork for market may be said to be living by his
pen, IL t.@''
A young man married girl rather than be
shot by her brother, thinking miss better than
hit
What is the difference between a barber and
mo1ner One has razors. tosshave and the
Other sstrayers to raise -
ITO see ourselves as others see u.s. would
not be half so disagreeable as to have others
see US as we really are.
Il thought you told me, Doctor that Smiths
fever had gone off," "Oh, yes, but it and
Smith went off together.
''Ah, Pat!" said disconnected bod carrier,
don't take up this mode of life. It has too
many ups and downs in it. -
The pickpockets are reported. to have done a
thriving business at a late camp meeting. They /
preyed while. the ministers preached,
The Southern freedmen saantfssr 49,
ness to, get homesteads q
#7,sss' "' some Of the poor
LAD to get bedsteads.
A mother wrote to her son: Come home,
John. rolling stone gathers no moss. ne
renlied: mo- mother, setting men heVei
grows fat.
ssWbat's that?' asked teacher of little
p;rl nointing to the letter X. why, that's
papa's name; I've seen him write 1t ever so
many times.
schoolmaster in neighboring town, while
on his morning walk, passed by the door OF a
neiphbor. who was excavating log tor pig
trough. u,t- g
s'Why," said the schoolmaster, Mr. 81
have you not fortune enough yet, that you work
so hard p
yes" said the man, enough for my own
family. but I expect to board the schoolmaster
this winter, and am making preparations.
A short time ago, at a school at Newark du-
ring lesson on the animal kingdom the teach
err put the following question:
Can any boy name to me an amman OF tne
order edentata-a front tooth tootnleSs animal
A boy whose face beamed with pleasure at
the prospect of good remark, replied:
Il can.
''Well, what is the animal? p
''My grandmother" replied the boy.
A certain negro was so convinced OF the low
illness of his race that he was Indifferent as to
his future state, believing that 'deyll make
niggers work chen in heaben!' A clergyman
tried to argue him out of this opinion by rep
resenting this not to be the case, as there was
no work in Heaven for him or any one else tC
do. His answer was, "You gwo way massa
/ know better. If dere's no work for culud
pussons up dar dey'll make UNI shub de clouds
along -
During the cross examination of witness al
the Tombs, District Attorney asked him where
his father was, to which the witness, with
melancholy air responded;
Dead, sir; dropped off very suddenly sir
How came he to drop off so suddeny?'' wa
the next question.
Foul play, sir; the sheriff imposed on hi
unconscious nature, sir, and getting him to q
up to a platform to look at select audience
suddenly he knocked trap door out from un
der him.
''Whar,' asked renowned stump orator
who was running for the Office of constable
''whar my enlightened friends of the sixty-sixtl
militia district was old Andrew jackson in thu
battle of New Orleans? Wur he thar? HI
war. He was riding up and down on a bob
tailed Arabian, wavin' of cracked sabre, W
to the armpits in blood and mud, and giveI
to the British thunder; the genius of his coun
try holdin' of her Mgis over his head, cottor
bales paveneerng In front to protect him from
every danger, and the American eagle with tn,
stars and stripes In its beak, soarin aoft in tn,
blue empyream, cryin', 'Hail Columbia u