Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-11-26


an irascible old bachelor roosts in all the
beatitude of single blessedness. In the
third story of large building he smokes
and meditates, pitying the unfortunate fell
lows who are incapable or unable to enjoy
tie cream of existence by living quiet,
cozy bachelor life. The old fellow is
Teuton, and has strange habit of rising
early in the morning, long before daylight.
Now we don't pretend to say sohy it is that
old bachelors are disposed to leave a cozy
bed sooner than married men. Perhaps
there is not the same inducement for bach
elors to remain there. Parhaps, bachelors
have no loving hearts to make fire on
chilly morning. Perhaps the old bach
times himself by neighboring rooster
If this conjecture be true, the mystery is
solved, for everyone knows that DR.. Sum-
mers' rooster is non compos nsentis, and al
ways disturbs, as well as deceives, snoozing
humanity-that the bachelor arose at the
unreasonable hour aforesaid, and commence
ed vigorous splitting of wood for kind
ling. The noise more loud than pleasant,
awoke another bachelor who habitates i'm
mediately beneath the Teuton. This latter
gentleman deals in real estate, and as he
pulled on his never. to- be -mentionables.
prayers escaped his lips to the effect that
he would willingly devote the Teuton a
sic byten lot of his best land in order to stop
the Internal racket.
In other words he hoped the disturber of
h' repose would soon sleep that sleep
W itch knows no waking or splitting OF
ki ldling either. The real estate bach
m united the stairs, and demanded of the
Te lton that the noise should cease then and
tn IRE, If not sooner. The Teuton threw
himself upon the reserved rights of bache-
lorhood. and claimed the privilege of senior
| ity in the building and the necessity of
splitting kindling. The dialogue was very
emphatic and interesting, but as we deal
in facts, we need only relate the results
thereof. 1t was evident there would be a
striking argument used by the parties; it
was only question of time So; we waited.
The Real estate man enforced one of his
FObjections by vigorously punching the
| Teuton on the smeller. The latter evident
ly feeling the force of the argument thus
| presented, struck out with his left, attempt
ing to counter on his adversary. Real
| Estate was firm, and warding off the hos
| tile arm struck the Teuton foul blow in
the abdominal regions. This decided the
eventful fray or rather would have decided
it had not the Teuton strengthened his
position by art, or rather by an article
more useful than ornamental in domestic
economy. The Teuton had been doubled
up considerably by the aforesaid foul blow
and while in this position his eye caught a
glimpse of an article which necessity sug
gested the use of. Immediately the valiant
Teuton seized the offensive and defensive
weapon and advanced upon the position OF
the Real estate man. When the Bachelor OF
acres saw the deadly weapon in the grasp
of his adversary, he turned aud fled rapidly
down the stairs. But it seems he did not
take proper precaution in conducting his
retreat, what accident he met with becomes
us not to say-the latest information from
the vanquished party assures us that he
was in the vicinity of a Drugstore beseech-
ing the apothecary "for an ounce of civit'
to perfume his garments.
DIVIDING THE SPOILs.-Some of the farm
ers in this county never allow hunter to
plant his artillery on the sacred soil of their
farms. They claim that many hunters
can't distinguish between chicken and a
quail, and hence veto the sport entirely
A hunter was hailed on one of the
prohibited farms last Saturday and en-