Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1867-02-14
SENSE ANED NONSENSE.


A few days since gentleman from
distance visited Columbus, o., on business, and
having leisure hour concluded to call on Miss
-, with whom he had some acquaintance. He
went, rang the bell, and when she made her. APP
pearance at the door he did not recognize her in
her kitchen attire. He asked if Miss was at
home. She very prudently accepted the situation,
and informed him that she ill., and after seating
him in the parlor retired, she observed, to iii
form her of his presence. She went to her dress
ingroom, and after thorough re-rigging, applica-
ton of paints powders, false curls, filters etc. she
| presented herself second time, when she was at
| once recognized by the gent. OF course pleasant
| hour was whiled away, during which she found oc-
casion to apologize for not making her appearance
sooner than she did
An old Pennsylvania farmer said
| when man travelled by stage-coach he picked up
much information at the numerous stopping places,
| but now he might journey to the Mississippi, and
come back as big a fool as he went. We take Eu-
rope in lightning flashes, and get about as distinct
an idea of it the Dutchman had, who at the Lake
of Geneva thinking of the Prisoner of Chion. ask
ed to the post to which old Byron was chained,
| because he would not shoot the apple from the
| Helena, where he was allowed TO speak to no one
| but his man Friday! We can make a visit better
by books than by such Swimming over sea and land
| "A story is told of a soldier, about
one hundred and fifty years ago. who was frozen in
Siberia. The last expression he made was: 1T is
| ex-." He then froze as stiff as marble. In the
summer of 1860 some French physicians found him.
| after having laid for hundred and fifty years.
They gradually thawed him, and upon animation
being restored, he concluded his sentence with
''ceedingly cold.'
Question for debating club: Sup
pose a woman's hoops to be of the ordinary dimen-
sons-say about six feet in diameter-the sidewalk
four feet wide, and the mud two feet deep, and
that you have on new pair of $14 boots, gliterng
with Mason polish, ought you to tip your hat to
the lady and step off into the mud, and then wade
out and pass on without getting mad?
in a recent case in Indiana Justice
complacently remarked, in summing up the testi-
mony: . Gentlemen of the jury, in this case the
nesses on both sides incredible, and the plain
tiff and defendant are both such bad characters,
that to me it is Indifferent which way you give your
verdict
-" The penalty for walking on a rail
road track in England is ten pounds" said one
while discussing the numerous fatal accidents on a
Pooh replied Uncle Jerry, is that all? The
penalty in this country is DEATH"
-" Why don't you get married?" said
young lady the other day to bachelor friend.
g have been trying for the last ten years to find
was the reply. II guess you haven't been up our
way, was the insinnating rejoinder.
- Witness" This here Teller broke
our winder with later, and hit our Isabeller on
Magi8trate-''T The conduct of the iprisona', and
his general characta renda tpropa that he should
no Tonga be a memba' of societa'.''
An old lady and her son, five years
OlQ, were gathering scraps OF iron on one OF our
back, streets, wherewith to procure their daily
bread. Old woman sat down on a rock to rest
Precious boy exeaims, NANNY, go to work. /
can't support the whole family"
49," Sammy, Sammy, my son, don't
stand there scratching your head-stir your stumps
father replied the hopeful 1--WE heard you say
that the OILY Fly to get along in this world was to
A gentleman was walked in the night,
and told that his wife was dead. He turned over,
drew the coverlid closer, pulled down his night
cap, and he muttered as he went to sleep again,
:" All how grieved l shall be in the morningi''
Cool-very y 81 81 wv
An exchange in speaking of the
magical STRAINS Of hand-organ, says = When he
played Old Dog Tray we noticed eleven purps
sitting in front of the machine on their launches
brushing the tears from their eyes with their fore
paws"
The lady who did not think it re-
spectoble to bring her children up to work, has
lately heard from her two sons: One of them is
bar-keeper on fiatboat, and the other is steward
of brick-yard.
7. SO Sal" said one girl to another, az
am SO glad I have no beau nowl'' 4 l8G
'Why so? ~ asked the other.
9 Oh. because / eat as many onions as /
please
-Snooks says the words No Cards"
are affixed to marriage notices because the
parties played all their cards before marriage.
This is new theory, and will be generally ac-
cepted
when Beau Brummel was asked
what made the gentleman, his quick reply
was, Starch, starch, my lord - This may
be true, but it takes great deal more to make
lady.
There is one single fact which one
may oppose to all the wit and argument 9finfdel-
ity, viz: That no man ever repented being Chris
tian on his death-bed.
There is bashful bachelor who
dares not meet ladies in the street. He says they
wear SO many buges on their dresses tn at he fears
oyertures from them.
---" Wouldn't you call this the calf of a
leg,'' asked Bob, pointing TO one Of his neither
limbs. mo, replied Pat, Il should say it was
the leg of q calf" fa@ slG ".
In an obituary notice of an old citi-
zen Ohio paper says: !" He was honest and in
dustrious, until enfeebled by disease and age.p iq
What celebrated convention would
you be reminded of on hearing young lady giving
advice to her uncle? Council OF Niece. ~ssi r9
An Ascending debtor who was sum
marily stopped from leaving town. says he is utter
ly opposed to writualism
Why is the washerwoman like Sat
urday? Because she brings in the clothes lclose)
of the week.
-The Graoe Diager is the title of a
new paper in New York. 1t sets all its readers a.
coughing.
The Mormon emisssaries make
far greater effort to get women than men to go to
Utah. qrrs s.sasg '-,.,a .
When a man Jokes, he is in a iocuIar
vein; when he cuts his throat, he is in jugular
vein. s So
I The tobacco-chewer is said to be
ike goose in a Dutch oven-always on the spit