Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1867-05-01

In tins beautiful iand tneres naught OF night
To darken the sunbeam's simmer:
The glistening robes Of spotless white
Like sparkling dew drops glimmer.
:. And there. on the shadowy further side,
Stands a babe and the mother with h er,
And they beckon me plunge in the wavy tide
, That beyond me may live together.
I lzEzlzzs=zEz1
AWhOIe City on a Bender.
Our readers will remember the recent
whiskeyfying of the water in the Gin.
cinnatti reservoir by the burning of the
Deer creek distilleries. The Fat Con-
tributor" shows up the results in the
following piece of extravagant humor
The decentralization which has result.
: ed to this community from the ming.
3 ling of that Deer creek whiskey with
8 the hydrant water is almost beyond cal.
t culation. 1t was not known for some
I! ! time why boozy atmosphere seemed
: to hedge us all about. Men who never
; drank liquor in their lives, knowingly
t went home for several days in success
5 sion so bloated that they were hardly
to be recognized, although they assured
/ eirweeping wives as they helped them
: off to bed-''hain't touched (hicl drop
+ to-day ma'am hope't def have. -
: Then waking up in the morning with
; throbbing temples and bewildered
, brain, they tried in vain to recall any
occasion during the previous day when
they had wandered away from the es-
tablished- principles of a lifetime and
taken to9the bowl-''what drugs, what
charms, what coDjurations, and what
almighty magic" had got them on a
"bum?"
One aged and highly respectable cit
izen, who never tasted liquor in his
life, and consequently could belong to
a temperance society with impunity,
was seen winding his way homeward
the other iay, with his hat jammed
down on tEe back of his head and his
face redolent and jolly, while he was
singing:
| Lan'ord, fills howin bowl
Foo bali. foo (hic) ball.
/ Old Uncle Johnny's marchin' home."
His wife didn't know him at first, as
he entered the house, his countenance
was so changed, and then the ends of
that white cravat, which she always tied
herself every morning with SO much
care, were flying in the most outlan-
dish manner about his left ear; his
clothes were disorderd and soiled, and
that hatl-she had never seen such a
sight in all her born or married days.
He pulled it off, swung it wildly
around his head with ''whopeel" and
then SHE'D it with scientific exactness
upon the bust of Douglass, giving a
horrible grotesque leer to that distil-
guished statesman as it dropped over
his left eye. He offered to bet two dol
lars and half that "he knew who he
was, and could whip any man that
wasn't; then looking round upon his
weeping family with a slight gleam of
returning reason, he yelled: 80, Pm a
wreck % and bursting into tears, be-
sought the oldest girl to bring in a gut
ter for him to "wallow" in. He felt
that he must wallow. He was lugged
up stairs to bed, insanely shouting,
''gutters for one."
1t fortunately came out in the pa
pers the next day, lit would have ap-
peared before, but the editors, who it
is known embibed extravagant quanti- |
ties of water, were discapacitated for |
work themselves) that great quantities |
of whiskey had become mingled with |
the hydrant water. 1t had foated |
down Deer creek from burning dis
tillery to the river, where the city have |
the most complete and effective ar
rangements possible for stopping any
thing of a damnable order that finds /
its way down the creek, and pumping /
it into the reservoir.
The excellent old gentleman above
alluded to had determined to put an |
end TO his worthless existence when he |
came to full realization of what he had |
done, but lookingoVer a morning paper |
to see if it was going to be very good |
day for suicides, any how, he read /
about the Deer creek whiskey. That /
explained the whole business at once,
and gave him renewal of life He
danced wildly around the room en-
braced his family with estatic joy, and
invited them to join him in a glass of
water all round.
Since it has become generally known
that there is whiskey in the hydrant
water, there has been a wonderful in
crease in water drinking. People
drink it now who haven't tasted it be-
fore in years. They get up in the
night to drink it. At bars they call for
"Deercreek straight" The water
works have been compelled to keep
all their engines at work pumping day
and night to supply the demand. The
old play says "wine works wonders"
but it has recently been demonstrated
that water works wonders also. Ask
the water works if it don't. Men have
been caught filling their flask with it
to take along on a journey.
The effect among the female portion
of the community was scarcely less ter
rible than among the men. What do
you think of company of nice old la
dies getting hilarious at tea party
the deer inocent creatures unconsci-
ously putting themselves outside of a
glass of hot whiskey in every cup t,
The hostess glows rubicond, hospitable,
and presses her guests to "try another
cup" which they can't refuse, sit is ,
such a b-e-a-u-t-iful tea, where did ,
you get it. Is it the Long Arm Chop?
One old lady remarked that she ,
"haden't tasted such (hic) 'licious team ;
f-o-r-t-y years. Hat cup II please" !
Then, as the evening wore on, they had ,
toasts with their tea, and songs, keep :
ing time with the tea cups, thump- ]
ingly on the table. 1t was a jolly old ,
party. And then, when the carriages !
come to take them home, they send }
word to the "old man" that they won't ,
go home till morn'n;" and finally wind 7
up by smashing all the tea things !
Terrible thing, wasn't it ? and the dear a
old creatures not knowing that barrels :
on barrels of whiskey had been pumped
into the hydrants.
Kitchen girls were great sufferers
from the fumes of boiling water
Washer women all over the city, bend t
ing over their washtubs, which were J,
nothing less than great wooden bowls 3
Of hot whiskey punch, dropped down \
IN helpless state of intoxication, and |
lad to be put to bed and dosed with Il
"a lerian and asiafnatda Dilla G