Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-08-14
How O.d Jake won the Cheese

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One day vessel came in, consigned Ia
the house, having on board large lot OF
cheese from New York. During the voy-
age some Of them had become damaged
by bilge water (the ship had become leaky);
consequently the owners refused to receive
them. They were, therefore, sent to the
ccnsigncrs Of the ship, to be slowed until
! the case could be adjusted. discovered, Il
few days afterwards, that as to perfume
they were decidedly too fragrant to remain
in the warehouse in the middle Of June, aud
reported the same to my employers, from
whom received orders to have them over
hauled and send all that were passable to
Ccard and Calhoun's auction mart then in
the old Camp Street Thcatre), to be dispos.
ed of for the benefit of the underwriters,
and the rest to the swamp. l gotta gang OF
black boys to work on them, and when they
stirred en- up, be the bones Of Moll Kcl-
ley's quart pot but the smell was illisant
intirely. | kept respectable distance, bc-
lieve me, for strong niggers and strongchecsc
on hot day in June, just bangs all common
essence, including certain "varmint" We
read about.
Presently the boys turned out IN immense
fellow abou, three feet six inches across the
stump" from which the box hal rotted. in
the ceater space about ten inches was
very much dccaycd, and appeared to be
about the consistency Of mush, Of blush
tint-caused by the bi!ge water. The boys
had lust Sc. it up on its edge on bale OF
gunny-bags, when noticed over the way Il
big darkcy (thcn on sale) from Charleston
s. c., who was notorious for his hut,ing
propcnsities, having given most Of the mig
gers in that vicinity taste Of his qualify in
that line. I had seen him and another iel-
low, the night previous, practicing they
would stand one On each side of hydrant
some ten yards distant, and run at each
other with their heads lowered, and clapping
their hands upon the hydrant they would
butt like veteran rams. A thought struck
me that might cure him Of his Dragging
and butting, and at the same time have
some fun, SO [ told the boys to keep dark,
and l called old Jake over.
"They tell me you are great fellow for
butting, Jake"
Il is sum, Massa, dat a fac done butt
dc wool 'lirely orr OBJ ole Peters head lass
night, and Nassa Nichols was gwine to Glib
me goss. kin jst bang the head OFF any
uigger in desc parts, myself Xii"
well, Jake, I've got little job in that
line for you, when you haven't anything
else TO dc. "
us on hand for all dem Kin Oh Jobs, my
self, is
"Wcll, ycu see that large cheese back
lhcre"
''I dus dat ! | dus myself"
"Now, if you can but dent in it you
shall have it.
"Golly Nasal you foolin' dis mig
ger ~
mo, I'm not, Jakc--just you try me-
"Wot? you glib Inc hull OBJ dat cheese if
l butt d!nt in UNI q
yes"
'De Lor? I'll bust en- wide open, l
will, myself. jess, stan back dar, you old
Orleans niggcis, and clear de track for Ole
Sourf Carolina, case Isc comm myself!
is"
And Old Jake started back some fifty feet,
and went it at a good, quick run, and the
next instant heard dull, heavy sound, a
kind of squash, and old Jake's head d;sap-
pcarcl from sight, with the top just visible
on the other side, us he arose with his new
fashioned necklace, the soft, rotten cheese
oozns down all around him as it settled
down so that just his eyes were visible. -
From the centre of it Jakc's voice was
scarcely audible and half smo,hcred, as he
vainly tried 10 remove the immense cheese.
10000! ei dc Lori Mass-took EN-
orr. O-o-o-o! bress de Lor !-Lif 'um up!
Cor Almighty! /"
Meanwhile, | was nearly dead, myself,
having laid back on q cotton bale holding
myself together to keep from bursting while
the boys stood round old Jake paying him
of.
"Dc Lor! how de niggers brof smell !.
You doesn't clean your ,cei, old Jake ~
II say, you dint make more dan four
times dat han, did YOU, old hoss )"
well, you is a nasty niger, dat a fac !"
"Well, you is de biggest kline OBJ Welsh
Rabbit you is !"
"Whar you get your bar-greasc p
And thus the boys run old Jake--now
half smothered-w l took compassion
on him, and told them to take it off. Jake
didn't stay to claim his prize, but put out
growing.
'Gor.amighty done got sole dat time.
Use a case OBJ yellow fever-l is myself!
Old Jake was never known to do any
more butting in that vicinity after that.
pa~ Old DR.. A, was quack, and a
very ignorant one. On one occasion he was
called by mistake, to attend a council Of
physicians in critical case. After consider
able discussion, the opinion wss expressed