The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1867-10-16
Nll,lturotts AeaaiuJ,
From the Brandon (lGss. Republican.
Hard Shell Sermon.
".lnd When they Riz up Early in the Morning
Behold They was all Dead Corpuses."

benOlu Ihey was AL Deau COfplSeS.
My friends and hearers, I will preach
onto you this day-win and weatherper
mittill-from the thirty -sevingth chapter
NV Isaisy, thirty-sixth verse. can the
destroyinangel smoto in the camp Nv the
Syrecians hundred and forcscore and
five thousand men-ah. and whcn they rig
up early in the morning, behold they acas
all deal co'puses F' An thus it is, my un-
converted trens and hearers, that the
destroying angel stalks abroad with his
meat axe, ready to sen us to the boncyard
before we kin set down to breal.Gast-ah.
An it is said, my trens, that roses are red
and violets arc blue-ah, but it's no use of
tryn to honey-fngglc round the angel Ga
briel when he toots his horn for you to
tuck 20 tails and git under dirt-ah.
''An when they riz up carly in the
mornin, behold they was all dead corpu-
ses"
My wrctched brcthring and sistring, cs
I was a riding along the road one day, l
seen man IL scttin on the top Nv his
fence, with doubled-barrcl shot gun on
his lap.ah, an a swettn an Il swettin and
Il fannin NV hisself with a noble straw hat:
an q cussn NV the forthe Nv July, an North
Amerilly, an the Constitution, an the Su-
preme Court, an the bird Nv liberty, an
the President nv the United States-ah, an
when hearn that man cussin an seen
that big shot gun, thinks l to myself, in
the words Of the tex-ah:
can when they riz up early in the morn
ing, behold they was all dead corpuses."
An l tolc old Roam tn wo, and ses I,
my ungodly fren, if you swear in that air
way YOU will forever end etcrnally ruinate
yo immortal soul-ah, and never get nib
BILE when you 60 u tishin-ah;" and ses he,
"You go too hell, you dam'd old mis-
shapen, misbegotten, mistake ov creation
ah. Eff you had to git the grass out Nv
cotting crap with free niggers, you'd git
upon IL stump and cuss yourself out Nv yo
dam'd old yaller hide, an go to hell for yo
health-ah'' And sez I, ''A1y erin fren,
it cuts me to the marrer to see you strug-
glin in the bondage ov sin-ah." And sez
he, "My punkin faced customer, cf you
kin Cline that air tall red oak tree thar
and see anything in this here miserable Ian
but bondage and crab grass, you kin take
l.,
':My hard swcarin frcn, am afearcd you
will never register 20 name in The book
Nv eternal litc-ah" An scz he, II went
to town last Monday to register and /
couldn't git sight Nv the book for the
dam greasy niggers-ah." eOh, mistaken
human" sez 1, II trimblc fur yo future,
fur you are on the road 4 leadn TOO per
dition-ah." An sez he, "You arc damd
ole liar, for I'm on the road leadn to
Benton.ah." heaved Il groan, my hear
ers, an sez
can when they riz up early in the morn
in, behold they was all dead corpuses."
An scz he, "Lct EN- riz an be dam'd to
en- allah" "Oh, my sufferin feler cree
tur," sez /. "ef you would but sue fur
grace you mightcum to jne that heavenly
quire, an be mancipatcd frum the shaclsles
NV sin-ah." Ar he cooked his gun, and
sez he, II had twcnty-six likely niggers
mancipated on my hans wonst, and cf you
open yo jaw bout Emancipation to me agin,
I'll make buzzard vittles out NV 20 dam'd
ole swiveed up carlsass before hell could
cripple gnat-;.h." My constant frens
an hearers, when seen that wicked man
cockn Nv his gun-ah, l begun to feel
exceeding jubous, an the words wv the tex
smoted upon my car-ab-
can when they liz up early in the morn
in, behold they was all dead corpuscs."
But, my Christian hearers, I felt called
upon to try my han one more time on this
objurit man; an ses ], "My blasphemous
fren, you are continentally and forever
dam'd-ah, eff you don't immejitly git down
ofncr that air tcnce-ah, and 60 to some
scquestercd spot an pray fur your souls
redemption-ah" An he jumped down
DINER OF the fence shore enuf, but he
didn't go to no sequestered spot-ah; but.
my unconscious hearers, he stuck that big
ole double barrel shotgun close up to my
reverend head-ah, an sez he, "I'vc hearn
a scquestor was the next thing to con-
fscator, an eff that's yo business in this
here settlement you had better begin to
grow nifty dam small and beautifully
less-ah." And, my hearers, it looked to
me as eff {. drove NV mules could g trotted
down the barrels uv that air ole shotgun
ah. an put spurs to ole Roam, an gal
lupcd through the Wilderness fur 70 and
twenty hours-ah an thinks |, my hear
crs, eff that air man don't pull up soon
he'll git to the end Nv his ropc-ah
aAnd when they riz up early in the
mornin, behold they were all dead corpu-
scs."
And sure enuf, my patient hearers, in
about three days that proffanatcd man
was TUX up by the freedmans buro an tried
by millingtary commission an hung fur
a KILN Nv Il niggcr-al an my llsnen
trcns and hearers, when seen him q
stanin on the great cmensity Nv space an
lxicllin at the foth district, sez too my
self in the language Nv the inspired him
istcr-ah,
One more sinner is dead and gone,
A silver spade to dig his grave,
4 golden chain too Let him down,