Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1867-05-09
ARTEMUa WARD.
The Original and the Copy--Incidsnts In
the Career OF the Former.

the Career OF the Former.
From the Mac-a-Cheek Press.l
Our readers are probably not aware
that this celebrated jester took the name
he made world-famOus from real living
Snowman, as original and humorous in
character as was the irnitator In jokes
Many Cincinnatians will remember the
man we refer to. He lived in the Queen
City OF the West for some years, a sort
OF man -about-town, attached to law
office. He was short and plump, but
very erect, and looked at the world from
behind Immaculate ruffied shirt bosoms.
that were ever without spot or blemish.
We first made his acquaintance on
board of a Pittsburgh stern-wheel stamer.
that kicked its way up the Ohio river,
then at its lowest. Major Ward, as he
styled himself, volunteered AN introduc-
tion: He knew, or pretended to know,
all the prominent men Of the day, and
dished them up in graphic and enter
tanning way. He had read all the popu-
lar books, and had his views, that were
as original as his anecdotes. He had
served, according to his own story, in
every war that had agitated the earth for
twenty years previous and was as enter
tanning on Pittsburgh kick-up-behind
as Beadle dime novel in camp-the sort
of q man one would cultivate on such a
trip, and cut dead the moment of landing
Our first interview was limited to one
day. AT night we retired to that instru-
ment of torture called berth, and half
fatigued ourself into doze, fighting mos
quitoes and bugs when we were awaken
ed by a row in the cabin. We looked
out and saw the Major assailed by num-
ber OF the passengers with shouts ofcheat,
scoundrel and thief-and we learned SUBJ
sequently that in little game of brag,
the Major had extracted divers and sum
dry sums from the innocent way-farers by
means Of an extra assortment ofcards that
he carried in his sleeves and top-boots.
The Major acted with becoming cool
ness. He retreated face to the foe, after
pocketing the pile and producing two
revolvers that he fiourished with unpleas-
ant ,rapidity, while the enemy hurled
chairs and epithets at his devoted head.
Gaining the gang-way he fled down it,
over the plank to the bank-for fortu-
nately the boat was tied up at the mo-
ment, receiving freight. On the bank he
turned and fired volley promiscuously
into the boat, after which he retired un-
der cover of the night into the interior of
Kentucky. We suppose the Major
would have been content with this, but
one of the victims having secured q
double barreled shot gun, returned the
fire from belinda wood pile. Not know
ing but what stray shot might wound
or kill gentleman not given to brag and
revolvers, we retired to our berth and
made barricade on the exposed side
with our mattrass, for Colts revolver
will send its bullets through Pittsburgh
K. b. as if it were so much brown paper.
An irregular discharge was keptup until
the Captain, who all the while stood
coolly on the hurricane deck, giving his
orders, without paying the slightest at
tention to the battle, ordered in the plank
and steamed up the river, leaving Major
Ward in possession of the battle ground
and spoils.
When we again saw the Major, he ap-
peared in our office with client. The
little gentleman never accompanied his
clients into court. He claimed that his
temper was SO uncomfortable that he
could not trust himself to try CASE
Hunting up the client he gave him ex-
cellent advice for reasonable compensa-
ton, and then found him an able advo-
cate.
"This," said the Major, ais a peculiar
case. may say that it is delicate case,
involving nice points of law, and l have
sought for my client one of the most elo-
quent and ingenious advocates at the
bar. This is an innocent and inoffensive
gentleman of agricultural proclivities,
who is charged with possessing himself
with another mans horse. tell him
that it is a l1riDa0 .fdcid case. He was
seen to take the horse; the horse was
found in his possession, and in an un-
guarded moment he admitted that he
took the aged quadruped for heir loom
in his family. 1t is a case, sir, when the
plea of insanity is tenable. Firstly, the
old horse is worthless; secondly, he had
never been seen by our client before he
took him !. thirdly, he could be of no
earthly use to man Of sound and dis
posing mind. / suggest the plea Of in
sanity. II this does not meet with your
legal appreciation, we can fall back on
the very respectable straw bail we have
put in, and our client can retire until
popular indignation has subsidized. He is
worthy our utmost care, for he has placed
in my hands very reasonable fee, which
proves to my entire satisfaction that he
is an innocent man." "H. -,-
This was uttered with the utmost grav-
ity, and one not knowing the Major
might for moment believe that he was
serious in his absurdity. The bewildered
horse thief certainly had faith. '.,i g
For months at a time the little Major
would disappear from public view about
Cincinnati, and his disappearance was a
mystery, untii Oilc udN AL Olu dctluoiilG-
ance ran against him in Indiana, where
he was exhibiting as a slight-ofhand-
juggler and ventriloquist. From Cinein-
natl he removed to Yipsilanti, Michigan,
where, as he wrote us, he "engaged in
the pleasing pursuit of lending other
peoples money, commonly called bank
ing.n 1t seems he committed matri-
mony, for the last we heard of him, he
and wife were found snothered to death
by an escape Of gas from defective pipe.
Both original Jester and the imitator are
gone, to be remembered as the lighter
foam ON the solemn depths of life.
THE New York Tribune urges every
body to buy piece of land. Every citi-
zen, it thinks, should have stake in the
soil. 1t says: l' -'''I.
IN ever before on earth was II so easy
for the, poor to get land as it is in this
country to-day. Any young, single man
who will do faithful work for fair wages,
can save in a year enough to pay for at
least eighty acres of Public Land. the
Government charge for which is but 500,
I;1a II ,nax ha hni,uhf with AUripIl-