The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-10-09
SPICE. A country batchelor thus ad
ynrtiSpS for hrttrr half.

And have warm cakes Tor tea.
She must be graceful as the bell
Upon the lily found;
And make such butter as will sell
For thirty cents pound.
If you do not laugh and enjoy this
story Of long, lean, lopsided yankee,
who 'jest smelt around" in drug store,
we giveit up:
"'Be you the drugger?'
"'Well, s'pose so; sell drugs
"'Wall, hev you got any of this here
scentin' stuff as the gals put on their
handke'chers?'
"'Oh, yes
"'Wall, our Sails gine TO be married,
and she gin me nincpence and told me to
invest the hull mount in sccntin' stuff,
SOS to make her sweet, if could find
some to suit; so, if you've mind, III
jest smell around
The G."."...,ce G""s smelled around without
being suited until the 'drugger' got tired
of him; and taking down bottle Of
hartshorn, said:
q
suit you. a single drop on handker-
cher will stay for weeks, and you can't
wash it out; but, to get the strength Of
it, you must take good big SMELL
"'Is that so, Mister? Wall, just hold
on a minute till get my breath; and
when say Meow, you put it under my
smcler.'
"Tne hartshorn Of course knocked the
Yankee down, as liquor has done many
a man. Do you suppose he got up and
smelt again, as the drunkard does? Not
he; but, rolling up his sleeves and doub-
ling up his fists, he said
"'You made me smell that tarnal
eveSlastin' stuff, Mister, and now III
make you smell fire and birthstone.
In vain we endeavor to classify the fol-
lowing notice by the afflicted widow and
disconsolate family Of the lamented Jones.
1t is rather "mixed," our readers will
decide whether it be an "obituary," a
"token of Affection" or "puff extra
ordinary"
"Died on the 1lth ultimo, at his shop
IN Fleet Street, Mr.. Edward Jones, much
respected by all who knew and dealt
with him. As man, he was amiable,
as halter upright and moderate. His
virtues were beyond all price, and his
beaver hats were only FL 4s. each. He
has left widow to deplore his loss, and
"a large stock to be sold cheap for the
benefit Of his family. He was snatched
uc the other world in the prime of his
! life, and just as lie had concluded an ex-
tcnSivc purchase Of felt, which he got
SO cheap that the widow can supply bats
at more moderate charge than any
other house in London. His di$conso-
late family will carry on the business
with pnnctaaljly."
! a touching incident is related of q
young minister whe went out to preach,
and observed during his discourse, lady
who seemed much affected. After meet
ing he concluded to pay her visit, and
see what the impressions CT her mind
| were.
He approached her thus:
"Well, madam, | see you was affected
much to day during preaching?"
La me" said the lady: "l'll tell you.
About six years ago, me and husband
moved to this place, and all the property
we had was donkey. Husband he died,
and me and the beast were left alone.
At last the beast died, and to tell you
the truth, your voice put me so much in
mind of that dear old critter, that |
couldn't help taking on and crying about
it right in meetng.'
The question propounded below is too
difficult for us to answer. How did he
get so much money?
The house Of the editor of the Abing-
! don Virginian was entered by burglars
few nights ago, and his watch and S. ia
money stolsp. The editor ofthe Lynch
burg News says he was served right
that he lad no business with money.
The question is chow did he gcts much
money z"
Another editor shows himself jolly
under circumstances tiat other people
might consider serious. He says:
"We see that the sheriff, during our
absence, has advertised the Argus for
sale We hope the bidders will have a
merry time of it. If the Sheriff can sell
it he can do more than we could. Like
a damp percussion cap, We think 1t will
fail to 60 off,"
An honest Outchman, in training up
his son in the way he should 80, FIRE
quently exercised him in Bible lessons.
On one Of these occasions he asked him:
Who vas dat who would not shleep
NIT Boliver's wife % "Shoseph." Oats
coot boy! Vel vat vas de reason he
would not shleep init her ?" "Don't
know, spose he wasn't shleepy."
They are trying out west a new way
Of spelling, as sample it is said if the
proper way of spelling tho is though
and DO 'beaux,' the proper way of SPELL
ing potatoes must be 'poughteighteaux.'
The new way of spelling softly is psough
tleigh.
Our flint is not struck with this style
and it is recommended that the old spell
ers still be used, of which Dufie & Chap
man have supply.
She couldn't help it poor little un-
sophisticated innocent She had "fel-
low and no doubt he was good fellow,
or she would not have said as much to
!. tother fellow:
"Is anybody waiting on you, Miss?"
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