Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1867-02-07
Odds and Ends

Odds and Ends,
A country Dentist advsrtisex h.
"spares no pains" to render his On
erations satisfactory.
Tom, tell me the biggest lie ven
ever told, and l will give yeu 3 glass
OF beer "a lie! ] never told a lie
in my life" "Draw the beer bow"
What is the difference between a
summer dress in winter, and an ex-
tracted tooth? One is too thin and
the ether is tooth out.
A western editor, in describing
the debut of young actor, says, che
broke the ice feliciously with MS
opening sentence, and was immedi-
ately drowned with applause"
Why is lawyer tAe most ill-used
man in our social system2 Because,
though he may drive in his own car
riage, he must draw the conveyances
of other people.
What is it that goes up the hill and
down the hill, and yet never moves?
The road
"What is the difference" gravely
propeunded young wretch, "be-
tween this ere novel of Mr.. Dickens,
and hiring q young woman as wet
nurse2 Do you give it up? Why,
one is Tale of Two Cities, and the
other is the sale of two -"
a youngster, pursuing q chapter
OF Geneses, turned to his neither and
inquired if the people in those days
used to do sums on the ground. He
had been reading the passage: 'And
the sons of man multiplied upon the
face of the earth"
"Why do you continue to retail
spirituous liquor2" eff 1 did not
sell, these drinking fellows would
not come to my shop, and I should
have ne chance to give them good
advice"
A poor man once went to a miser
and said, 81 have favor to ask
$50 have l." said the miser, ''grant
NINE first" "Agreedr' "My re-
quest is" said the miser, ''that you
ask me fer nothing"
Madame Geo. Sand asked the
question: (Which Of the tive is
guilty of the greatest stupidity, an
old man who marries a young wife,
or an old woman who marries q
young husband?" NJ Alex. Dumas,
Jr., replied: "Hheu an old man takes
a young wife, he must expect every
thing; but when an old woman takes
a young husband, she ought to ex-
pect nothing"
josh Billings says: My yung frensr
when you marry be kereful that youe
wife has no relashuns that has NOR,
of this worlds goods than yourself
for if tina hav it will be a kontinual
knawin at your vitals, an if tina don't
make fool nv you tina will of them
selves.
The Press, the Pulpit and the Pet
tiesats-thres ruling powers of the
day. The first spreads knowledge,
the second spreads morals, and the
third spreads considerably.
"And ye have taken the tetotal
pledge, have ye?" said somebody to
an Irishman.
''Indeed l have, and am not asham-
ed of it aither."
"And did not Paul tell Timothy to
take little wine for his stomach's
sake?" "Sure he did, but my name is
not Thimothy and there's nothing
the matter with my stomach"
Thunder-Wiggins is a teacher,
and one night drank too much
lemonade or something else. He
came into the room among his wife
and daughters, and tumhled over the
cradle and fell whop on the floor
After while he rose and said:
"Wife. are you hurt?"
"No."
daughters, are yeu Aurt!
"No."
Terrible clap, wasn't it?"
SITUATION WANrBD.-The follow
ing well turned paragraph appears
in Wisconsin paper:
Wanted, by q young lady, aged
nineteen, of pleasing ceuntenance,
good figure. agreeable manpers,
General ? information, and varioas ac-
mpIishments, who has studied eve
rything, from the creation to the
crotchet, situation in the family ofa
gentleman. She will take the head of
his, table manage his household, ,scold
his servants, nurse his babies, when
they arrive; check bis tradesmen's
bills, accompany him to the theatre,
or in walking or riding, cut the leay-
es of his new books; sew on his but
tons, warm his slippers, and general
" make his miserable life happy
Apply in the first place, by letter, 20
Louisa Caroline, Pleasant Grove, and
afterwards to papa npon the premi-
ses. fs
N. B.-The wedding finger Is Hum-
<--on