Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-11-14
FACETIE

Woman is like ivy-the m ore you are
ruined the closer she clings to you. A
vile bachelor adds: "Ivy is like wo-
man-the more it clings to you the more
you are ruined" Poor rule that won't
work both ways.
When one of DIR. Chapman's patients
revolted at monstrous dose; of medi-
cine and said, "Why, doctor, you don't
mean such dose as this for gentlemen l''
the doctor replied, "Oh, no, but for work
ing men," - tr.
81 "What fine head your boy has !"
said an admiring friend. "Yes," said
the fondfather, she's chip off the old
block, amt you sonnyi?" II guess SO,
daddy, cause teacher said was young
blockhead." 4-
q "Ah, Jenny" said sympathizing
friend to man who was just too late
for the train, "you did not run fast
enough" "Yes I did," said Jenny !;
"but / didn't start soon enough"
Our devil says that when you see a
young man and woman walking down
the street leaning against each other
like a pair Of badly matched oxen. it is
pretty good sign they are bent on con-
solidation.
Voltaire said a physician is a man
who mixes drugs of which he knows
little, to pour into body of which he
knows less, to cure a disease of which
he knows nothing.
A colored lady in Memphis has pre-
scented four babies at one birth to the
fostering care of the Freedman's Bu-
reau. A literal fact.
The way some people work their way
into Office can not exactly be called
"civil engineering
Gold is the only idol that is wors! H.
ed iii all lands without temple, and Dy
all sects without hypocrisy.
Why are young ladies generally bad
grammarians ? Because few of them are
able to decline matrimony.
If Colts pistol has six barrels,
how many barrels ought horse pistol
to have?
What shape is kiss2 Elliptical "a
lip tickle)
The miner is happiest when his
triumphs are ore.
Vice stings even in pleasure, but vir-
tue consoles even in our pain.
If mans wife is well bred, he never
wants any but her.
The chief secret of comfort lies in not
suffering trifes to vex one, and in pru-
IDENTIFY cultivating an underground of
small pleasures, since very few great ones
are let on long leases.
Bismarck's sons, like those of many
other great men, are reported to be rath-
er dull of intellect.
The young lady who gave herself
away lost her self possession.
A firt is the dipper of the public
pump, which all may drink at, but none
carry away. .a.,o- e-,
Water isn't fashionable beverage
for drinking your friends health, but it's
a capital one for drinking your own.
Unsocial old Snarl says that love is a
combination of diseases-an affection cf
the heart, and an Inflammation of the
brain.
The damsel who is accused of break
ing a young mans heart has been bound
over in the bonds of matrimony to keep
the pieces.
II have not loved lightly" as the man
said when he married widow weigh
ing 300 pounds.
The way they weigh hogs in Kansas
is as follows: They first tie the hog to
one end Of rail, balance the rail on a
fence with rocks tied to the other end,
and then guess how much the rock
weighs.
A young lady said to her beau, as she
held pot Of hot water in her hand,
Promise to marry me or I'll scald you"
Throw the water" he replied, II had
rather be scalded once than every day in
my life."1 c. asls.se-a.l .i.-
What is the difference between bar
ber and mother ? One has razors to
shave, and the other has shavers to
raise. .saf-s ! .-.t
% ,ss .-.ggJ "a - .e.i.