Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-11-12
Correspondence of the New York Tribune.]
MARK TWAIN ORIENT
He Exposes the Poelical Humbuggery
q. !. of the TurkIsh 1aIh


of the Turkish Hath. -
sazal s. CoNsTANTINoPLE, August 81, 1867.
sa33' When think how 1 have been swindled
: by books of Oriental travel, want tour
list tor breakfast. For years and years
have dreamed ofthe wonders OF the Turk
{, ish bath; for years and years have prom
bsised myself that would yet enjoy one.-
Many and many time, in fancy, I have
lain in the marble bath, and breathed the
slumbrous fragrance of Eastern spices that
: filled the air; then passed through weird
and complicated system of pulling and
hanling and ,drenching and scrubbing by
: gang of naked savages who doomed vast
and vaguely through the steaming mists
like demons; then rested for while on a
divan fit for a king; then passed through
another complex ordeal. and one
more fearful than the first; and finally,
swathed in soft fabrics, was conveyed to a
prineely saloon and laid on q bed of elder
down, where eunuchs, gorgeous of cos
tune, famed me while l drowsed and
dreamed, or contentedly gazed at the rich
shangings of the apartment, the soft car
pets, the sumptuous furniture. the pictures;
and drank delicious coffee, smoked the
soothing narghili, and dropped, at elast,
into tranquil repese. lulled by sensuous
odors from unseen censers, by the gentle
Influence OF the narghili's Persian tobacco,
and by the music of fountains that coun-
-terieited the pattering OF summer rain.sas
q That was the picture, just as / got it from
incendiary books of travel. 1t was poor,
miserable fraud. The reality is no more
like it than the Five Points are like the
Garden OF Eden. They received me in
great court, paved with marble slabs;
around it were broad galleries, one above
another, carpeted with seedy mating, rail-
cd with unpainted balustrades, and furn-
ished with huge, rickety chairs, cushioned
with rusty old mattresses indented with
. loff i,u = fho nf nj
cessive generations of men who had re-
posed upon them. The place was vast,
naked. dreary ); its court barn, its galle-
-ries stalls for human horses. The cadaver-
Gus, half-nude varlets that served in the
establishment had nothing of poetry in
their appearance, nothing of romance.
nothing or oriental splendor. They shed
no enhancing odors-just the contrary.
Their hungry eyes and their lank forms
continually suggested one glaring, unsen-
timental fact-they wanted square
meal" 5sisl .,.ssi. y Il :isrsEt
went up into one of the racks and un-
dressed. An unclean starveling wrapped
a gaudy, table-eloth about my loins, and
hung a white rag over my shoulders. If !
had had tub then. iC would have come
natural to me to take in washing. I was
then conducted down stairs into the wet,
slippery court, and the first thing that at
.tracted my attention was my heels. My
fail excited no comment. They expected
if, ro doubt. 1t belonged in the list of
softening. sensuous influences peculiar to
this home. of Eastern luxury: It was
softening enough, certainly, but its appli-
cation was not happy. They now gave
me a pair Of wooden clogs-benches in
miniature, with leather straps over them
TO contine my feet (Which they would
have done, only do dot wear No. 13s.> y
These things rdaDgled Cuneomfortahly by
the straps when I lifted up my feet, AMI
in ox1yl- ard nd NJ tol
places when / put them on the floor again.
and sometimes turned sideways and
wrenched my ankles out of joint. How
ever, it was all Oriental luxury, and 1 did
what could to enjoy it. =. ~ s
They put me in another part of the barn
and laid, me on stuffy sort of pallet,
which was not made of cloth or gold, or
Persian shawls, but was merely the unpre-
tending sort of thing have seen in the
negro quarters of Arkansas. There was
nothing whatever III this dim marble pris-
on but five more of these biers.- 1t was a
very solemn place. expected that the
spiced odors OF ARABIA were going to steal
over my senses now, but they didn't. A
copper-colored skeleton, with a rag around
him. brought me glass decanter of water,
with a lighted tobacco pipe in the top of
it, and plant stem yard long, with a
brass mouth-piece to it. gd9i Q taiT7I'A
1t was the famous 'snsrghili" of the East
the thing the Grand Turk smokes in the
pictures. InlS Degan TO look like luxury.
/ took one blast att, and It was sufficient.
The smoke all went down my throat. 1t
came back in cOnvulsve snorts through my
nose. 1t had vile taste, and the taste of a
Thousand infdel tongnes that remained on
the brass mouth-piece was yiler still. II
was getting discouraged. Whenever, here
after, I see the cross-legged Grand Turk
smoking his nargbili, in prete nded bliss
on the qoutside of a paper of Connecticut
tobacco, L shall know him for the shame-
less humbug he is. sgz h j
The prison was filled with hot air.
When / had got. warmed up sufficiently to
prepare me fora still warmer temperature,
they took me where it was-intoa a marble
room, wet, slippery and steamy, and laid
ME on a raised platform in the center. 1t
was very warm.o Presently my mans sat me
dewn.b a tank Of hot water, drenched me
we'll, gloyed his hand with a coarse mitten,f
aud began toipOlish me all over with it,
began TO smell 'disagreeably The more he
polished, the worse :smelt. 1t was alarm
ings Isaidetohim: Il perceive that 1 am
pretty far gone. 1t is plain that / ought to
be buried without any unnecessary delay.
.E02JIW q j is93iA