The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-10-04
Our All Snrts.


der. hearted that she can't be induced TO
strike light.
Who 70 the greatest poulterer in Shakes
pear? Claudius, King Of Denmark, because
nc murdered most foul"
The two parties on the female suffrage
question IN Kansas are called .antis" and
''aunties."
An English scboolmaster asked pupil
the origin oftho wori appetite. Tie rcpli.
ell that when he was eatin' ho was Apply
and when no was full he was tight.
Jed'lo. the capital Of japan. is the largest
and most populous city in the world. II
contains 10000 dwellings. and 5000, 900
human souls. Many Of the streets arc
twenty two English miles long.
We arc curious TO know how many feet
in female arithmetic 20 to a mile, because
we never met with lady's foot yet whose
shoe was not. to say the very least, "A mile
too big for her."
An old lady announced in Court ut At
lania, that she chad no counsel, that '.God
was her lawyer" my dear madam" re-
piled the Judge. "Iie does not practise in
This Court
Mark Twain thinks the man ought 20 die
a violent death who put IL into peoples
heads to try to make cherished, beloved.
sacred homes out Of such cold, ghos,ly,
unfceliDg stuff rs marble-a material which
God intended only for gravestones.
An usher in an English school, seeing
one ofthe boys with thick lump in one Of
his cheeks, asked "Quid est hoc3" To
which the lad, SCATTERING out large niece
ofchcwing Tobacco, replied .tioc est quid,"
for which repartee the master foryaye him.
norno.e CRIME Is reported from me
evening. with nothing TO proyoke or ex,en.
male such crime, n ballet Girl retired To
her own room, and executed her rrand
pas. The coroner has not been notified.
Two gent'emen' one named Woodcock'
mo other ruiier, waking together, hapIen.
ing to sec nm owl, the last said That bird
Is very much like woodcock, You are
in The beaJ filler In the ewes anil fnllsr
nil over,
When founder has cast his bell, he does
not presently fix IL in tho s,eeple. but tries
u with his hammer. and beats u on every
side, to see ifthere be any flaw in 10. Christ
does not, presently after he has converted
man. convey him to heaven but suffers
and then .IaIt, him 70 M, CROWN.
=,
Two school teachers IN Indiana Tell our
and had hight. A great crowd was OF
course the necessary consequence. a ner
No"s individual came up IN GREATNESS eA'
citement, anu inquired OF wag the cause.
why said he, "they tell out about
spenhg ,hs worn oaIu. onc sa'u was
imitators Tor the most part are shams. u
there '.n strength enough IN a man 10 oe
orginai ana niInseli' ms snow in coun'e,'
ie'i shape whi % poor anu pa'uy inueca'
Men are nad 'mitaton; women Worso sun.
Men have more face' women more arr our
rs lace on man Is more powerful than an
IN woman the former SUCCEEDS o''eher 'nan
~
else knowed many church to die caus
u didn I gib enough, but i neoocr knowed
church to die cause u go 10 much III
you do, pest let me KNOW anu III make
pilgrimage TO dat church, ana u cumo up
ny the son hght oo 40 moon 70 US n nsoss-
covered rooi' ana u stand ua, anu hn up
my hnndsto neooen anu say o'cA'ea aie
dc ded dat lie IN de Loru.
Among Lord EIdon', humorous answers
to applications for preierment should be re-
membered his letter to Dr. Fisher, OF the
Charierhouse on Que side OF sheet OF pa
per. -Dear Fisher, ! cannot to-day give
YOU the preierneni for which you ask. !
remain your sincere friend, Eidon. Turn
over" and ON the other side, ~ gave u to
you yesterday"
Look b,r,-vo, mr., Ambitious. mr.. YOU ,
Won wan, 10 GET nm in the world, do YOU (?
We'll Jont try il by wondering how other
people not half so active as yourself have
done n-out watch your chances keep your
eyes opsn' ana wncn 20" nnu emp s.rep
mg on the road 10 ianc, husue MN OH ih-
10 tie ditch and 90 abead-never waii' buf
like perpetual NOTION Keep moving
An oil f,lIov who took mar, In the great
r.b.lI;on. was ON, day boasiinr nj the Wiz
las, tavern TO n crowd of ndmirinr listeners
oC his many bloody exploits, when he was
in,err,p,ed by the question:
81 xay. old Joe, how MANY rcbs did YOU
xii, during the war ,"
uow many a,u , NIL, sn no" many
,m km wsu oon SNOW ~" haT"
now many 1 NOV ."I 'o nj ~. =, N''o'
40 ''""' " '''"' =. "'e' VIZ
Out in Illinois Justice OF the Peace was
recently elected Who Is not particularly not |
ed for legal attainmentS Wishing TO have
u little fun. q friend asked him what he
would do were case Of mayhem brought
before him Cor trial. The square" looked
n litilc puzzled nj first, but soon began to
look wise, and said 81 had case Of that
Kind when WINS .Souare' before, % just