Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1867-07-25
VIII and HunSr.

Advice is the only sort cf vice that
some people don't follow.
If horse says neigh when you offer
HIM oats, he don't mean 1t.
Were our first parents sugar planters?
Yes, they raised Cain.
Why is calm man like school mas
ter ? Because he keeps cool.
There is a man in the moon and
man and woman in the honeymoon.
The New York yacht rambler, Capt.
Francis Skiddy, is on cruise along the
coast of Boston.
Kisses between women are like two
handsome unmatched gloves-cha7ming
things with their proper mates, but good
ibr nothing in that way.
Papa, said John Smiths youngest
sen, last Thursday, can | 60 to the cir
cus o.
'tNo, my boy atfectionately replied
Mr., Smith ''if You are a good boy, |
VIII take you to see your grandmother's
grave this evening"
1t was an apt answer of young lady
who, being asked where was her native
place replied: have none | am the
daughter of Methodist minister"
The late well known Daniel O'Con-
nell once met conceited literary friend
and exclaimed, " l saw capital thing in
your last pamphlet" Did you 2 eagerly
inquired his delighted listener; "what was
it ?'' " A pound of butter p
Some poor fellow who has keen tilted,
we should Judge, and brought to grief by
some fair one, thus revenges his wrongs
GIVE did not know as much as her daugh-
ter CT the present day: Had they been
in her place, instead of being deceived,
they would have deceived the devil
Miss Buchanan once..rallying her cousin
and officer, on his courage, said, " Now,
Mr.. Harry. do you really mean to :ell me
you,can walk up to cannon's mouth
without fear 2" eyes" was the prompt
reply, cor Buchanan's either And
he did.
They have steam gong in Fall Rv-
er, the sound of which is heard seventeen
miles distance from that city. The sound
of one of these instruments, two miles off
of an early morning, has never appeared
to many in the west part of this ony to be
very cheerful music.
While Samuel Gregory, Delaware
Co. pa, farmer was mending a fence the
other day, his old SOW was chewing ST.
700 of his greenbacks, which were in the
pocket of his vest hanging on a bush
near by. The latter job was, efectually
and hopefully done.
The junction (Kansas} Union claim
that the white limestone Of that region
has its peculiar advantages. A citizen in
habiting a house of this material wanted
an additional door. " A hole was
punched through, a cross-cut saw was IN
serted, and door made Just as a car
penter would through pine siding"
-NEvER COMPLAIN" Do you think
that raw oysters are healthy ?" asked a
lady of her physician. eyes he replied,
81 never knew one to complain Of being
out of health in my life"
-" What brought you to prison, my
colored friend. "Two constables, sah.''
" Yes, but mean had intemperance any
thing to do with it ?" eyes sab, dev
was bof of 'em drunk"
The Duke of Norfolk (Sheridan's
friend) was much attached to the bottle.
On masquerade night he asked Foote
"what new character he should 90 in ?''
Go SOBER" said Foote.
-"Why does father call mother honey?''
asked little boy of his older brother.
Can't tell, 'cept it's because she has
got large comb in her head"
-" Now, children, asked school in
spector, who loves all men 2"
A little girl not four years, evidently
not well up in the Catechism, answered
quickly:
" All women"
"A wag says it is "folly to expect a
girl to love man whom every body speaks
well Of Get up persecution, and her
affections will cling so fast that a dozen
guardians can't begin to remove them.''
AN afflicted editor, who is troubled
with hand-organs under his window, longs
for the "evil days" mentioned in Ecclesi-
astes, when "the grinders shall cease be-
cause they are few" and {" the sound of
the grinding" shall be Slow
"A man in Brooklyn advertises =:
Wanted-a boarding place, where the
terms are not moderate, and where none Of
the comforts of home are guaranteed
A pious family not preferred"
| An old gentleman was presented
with doctors bill. After looking over
/ the contents he desired the collector IN