Clarksville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1865-1867, 1867-05-24

countryman going 10 cnurch. lie
asked him:
"Where are you going?"
"To church, sir"
"What to do there ?"
ITO worship God"
"Pray, whether is your God great
or little God2"
"He is both, SIR"
Chow can he be both 2"
"He is SO great, sir, that the
Heaven of heavens cannot contain
Him, and so little that He can dwell
in my poor heart.
The Atheist declared that this
simple answer Of the countryman had
more effect upon his mind than all
the volumes the learned doctors had
written upon the subject.
A young man in Illinois was
greatly smitten with a neighbor's
daughter, and wanted her for q wife.
In order to win her unsophisticated
heart he invited her to 60 with him
to a circus that was showing in the
vicinity. She accepted the invita-
ton, and as they neared the ticket
wagon the young man rushed upon
his fate by asking her suddenly il
she would marry him. "No, l thank
you," she replied. "You won't eh
exclaimed tho ardent youth, "then
buy your own ticket" She took
his advice and enjoyed the show
greatly, but he didn't.
The Cairo Democrat says: We
heard "colored lady" berating her
"colored gentleman" something in
this style "Gest you 60 dar agin--
lemme see you dar once more, and
I'll tar every lock O. wool out NV dat
Sal Johnson's head. 1 amt gwine
to stood i'll No nasty trollop's gwine
to get off with q whole hide who
sashays in any SIGH a way wild my
husband l'--and what might have
followed we know not. Tears choked
the enraged creatures utterance, leav-
ing us to conjecture the thoughts un-
expressed by her.
"What's the use of living2" snarl-
ed veteran grumbler, the other day.
1--WE are logged for crying when we
are babies; logged because the
schoolmaster is cross, when we are
boys; obliged to toll, sick or we'll, or
starve, when We are men; to work
still harder (and suffer something
worse D when we are husbands and,
after exhausting life and strength in
the service Of other people, die, and
leave our children to quarrel about
the possession of our watch and our
wife-to catch somebody else."
"Why don't you get married." said
a young lady the other day to bach
elor friend. al have been trying for
the last ten years to find some one
who would be silly enough to have
me-" was the reply. ~ guess you
haven't been up our way" she smil-
ingly said.
A lawyer, neither young nor hand,
some, when examining young lady
witness in court, desired to perplex
her, said: "Miss, upon my word, you
are very pretty" The young lady
replied: ~ would return the compli.
ment, sir, were l not under OATH"
One Richmond gentleman, o few
days ago, challenged another, and the
challenge was accepted. There wa:
a Miss in the case. The parties shot
at each other, and there were two
misses in the case.
"Look here, boy" said a nervous
gentleman to an urcbin who was
munching candy at n lecture, "you
are annoying me very much" "No
l amt neither" said the urchin.-
"Im gnawing this ere candy"
An insurance agent, urging a citi.
zen to get his life insured, said: "Get
your life insured for ten thousand
dollars, and then if you die mex
week, the widows heart will sing fol
JOY"
A young gentleman named Harry
Turn recently married his cousin o.
the same name. When Intercepted
as to why he did so, he replied that il
had always been maxim Of his that
Zone good turn deserves another"
and he had acted accordingly.
"That's a pretty bird, grandma, u
said little boy, eyes" replied the
old dame, "and il never cries. -
That's because he's never washed"
replied the youngster.
Almost every young lady is public
spirited enough to have her father
house used as a courthouse.
"Good blood will always show il,
self, as the old lady said when she
was struck by the redness Of her
nose.
The last case of jealousy is that of
a lady who discarded her lover, a sea
captain, because he Rugged the shore.
An exchange says that lovers are
like armies. They get along we'll
enough until they are engaged,
Give strict attention to your own
affairs, and consider your wife one of
them.
II is well enough that men should