North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1867-06-12
WHOLE No. 556.


Babies. r..r.t.tt "A .r.."M.. g o..
This is not to be a philosophical treatise
on babies in general, but sort of family
article on mine in particular; in short, the
baby.
My name is Timothy Meek, and my
wife's name is Mrs. Meek; but you would
not have the remotest idea of it, were you
acquainted with her. She is one of those
slashing, strong ?)minded women, who
can scarcely credit the statement that man
was made before wOman-one who is fond
of wearing Dloomer costume, and of liter
ally as well as figuratively "assuming the
trousers" 1t is hardly quiet life that l
lead, for there is always the same constant
clatter; nothing but woman's rights from
morning to night. The right to vote and
the right to speak, but nothing at all
about that never-used right-the right to
keep still. do not know but have been
over bold, in thus confding to you my
name; but as she reads nothing but pol
itics, think am safe. dare not think
what my tale would he, should she ever
see this. ....
Exactly one week ago-the date is as
firmly fixed in my mind rs is the Goth of
April, the day l married her-a Woman's
Rights Convention wss held in Boston,
and my wife went, leaving me to ''tend ba-
by"
happened t. be unusually busy, having
an article to prepare for the Review, and
so determined, as far as possible, to let
baby take care of himself, supposing if he
declared, that he would be sufficiently an
gelic to keep out Of mischief.
Congratulating myself at having thus
disposed of him, l settled down to my
work, with pen, ink and paper, leaving
baby asleep in the other room. was
soon startled by loud noise, and, hasten
ng to ascertain its cause, found the cat
suspended from the bed by it's tail, with
Timothy Junior holding the further end.
The poor creature had look Of pathetic
appeal on its usually placid countenance |;
that is to say, on as much of the latter as
was visible, for the mouth occupied the
greater part, open, as it was, to its fullest
extent, while wells, melodious and loud,
proceeded therefrom. / endeavored to
quiet affairs rs well as l was able,
by shaking the child and kicking the cat,
and returned to my article.
My attention was soon called to de-
moniac chuckle issuing from the other
room. bv the very tone of which knew
something was up. Hurrying to the spot,
I found that ''little cherub'' busily engaged
in cutting to pieces my best pantaloons;
growing and chuckling as if such an op-
portunity occurred but once in a lifetime,
and he was determined to make the most
Of it. My temper is naturally mild, but
this was too much. There lay the panta-
looms, with one leg entirely amputated,
and the other hanging by piece about an
inch wide. resolved to follow the illus
trious example of the venerable old lady
who lived in shoe. Having neither
rest of the operation with double empha-
phasis and unprecedented effect. The
child's face underwent o complete meta
morrhosis. Where formerly were eyes,
there was now nothing to be seen but
wrinkles, and where once were nose and
cheeks, there was now nothing but mouth.
And then such scream! A scream that
said as plainly as words could, Sim not
going to stop, and you can't make mer'
And I couldn't, though tried every
known expedient. put him in the cradle,
and rocked him; placed him on my knees
and trotted him; chanted Old Hundred
in lively and cheerful manner; repea-
ted the affecting tale Of the unfortunate
frog; l called him "a little sweet;"
talked baby 1 asked him "if 90 didn' t
love papa, but "'oo'' didn't appear to
think he did, for he screamed all the louder.
At last, in sheer despair, carried him in
to the other room, set him, carefully down
on the sofa, with thump that made the
springs creak, and let him scream.
Looking round few minutes after, star
tied by the sudden stiffness, found him
busily engaged in pcrforating my hat with
the same scissors, which had forgotten
to take away from him. Ventilation is,
without doubt, very healthy and highly
important, but l certainly should have
preferred having my hat air-tight; espec'
tally as the holes were by no means as
regular as they were numerous. merely
muttered something that might have beer
sBless you'll it was'nt-and moved
him to a seat beside me. I had now reached
very knotty point in the metaphysical
lost in thought. was again interrupted
by scream from Timothy Junior. He
had already swallowed a good portion o.
my INK, anu was lASC ulSpOSliS VI VIC IcSe
l fortunately rscollected hearing that mill
would remove ink from linen, and seein.
no reason why it should not remove it from
him as we'll, forced some down his throat
1t produced rather astonishing effect
which was afterwards partially explained
by the fact that in my haste had taker
yeast for milk.
just at this moment my wife returned
She saw at once what was the trouble, and
Immediately applied the proper remedies
and the wrinkles in Timothy's face fas
faded away, till at last he began to hav'
that same plastic, expression-less look thai
all persist in saying he inherits from me
So the next time went out, instead of 30
ing to the undertaker's, rs ! had feared
might have to, merely went to the sta
toner's and replenished my supply Of ink
Reader, if you are not believer in tota
depryity, let me introduce you to my son
Timothy Junior.
i STATISTICS OF WILD COUNry.-Tht
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