davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
lV

The very next day, Mr.. Chouseman took ad.
yauage of an errand IN the neiphborbood and
rode over TO sec Miss Phaeton.
Mr. Chouseman was a highly respectable
solicitor, who had obtained the position of
trust and confidence he occupied, by riding
around the country on convenient efrands, and
inducing young lady acquaintances into the
secrets of his clients.
So the very next day he rode over 10 Miss
Phaeton. and told her she was in luck.
"Howln queried she.
"TWO young men are going to tight a duel to
the death for you"
"Liflith and Georgen she carelessly asked
cracking a hickory nut with her white and deli
cate teeth.
"Ay; and both have made their wills in your
favor So if either be killed"
"And if both?n said Miss Phaeton, with the
old dreaMy look in her eyes.
You have too estates," said Chouseman,
rubbing his hands.
"But not one husband, !" remarked Miss Phae-
ton thouGhtfully. 'Tell them TO saddle the
piebald charger she Immediately cried, turn
ing to an attendant
The two combatants were on the ground, ear
nestly wishing that some peace officer would
come in and arrest an affair which had already
gone quite far enough to be pleasant Two
shots had been EXCHANGED, to the imminent peri
of the seconds, who had both posted themselve:
behind trees while giving the word for the thirC
fire.
Are you ready?r
"Yes.n
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
LIFFITH LANKi OR, LUNACY.
TALE THAI HE VINO RUNS MAY READl
CHAPTER I

CHAPTER |,
"SayI, then, that losel shall never blocken my
boots again !"
SAY |, then, they are my boots, and not
yours, and that faithful serving-man shall
brighten them whenever he will" 49,
The gentleman and lady who INDUCED In tins
little interchange of compliments before break
fast were man and WIFE, and had loved eacn
other a Little but not Long. Scant the eneour
agement to matrimony which my opening epl-
sode affords, but the Great Artists duty is ln-
perative-e ct UitGm jnpendee UerO|
Here little explanation is necessary-not OF
nv Latin for that will be found among the
"Words, Phrases, and Quotations from Foreign
Languages" i'm the appendices OF all modern
dictionaries but of my plan. In medic tttis
SINUS lJus: Safety lies in the middle, both in
parting hair and beginning stories. On that
hint | have acted. To begin now with the be-
ginnlng;-
Miss Katrine Phaeton was young lady Of
Cucumberland, born of rich but respectable
parents. Her hair was golden, her eyes grey.
She had a fashion of doing up the former that
puzzled her rivals, aud of using the latter that
be Wildered her victims The secret of chignOn
was known to none. As tor her eyes, she had a
way OF turning them on slowly, as careful house
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
By Way of Explanation.

For the leading idea of this little story, let
me frankly confess that am indebted to Mr..
Charles Reade. LIfith Lank is in great mea-
sure the legitimate offspring, or rather of.
shoot, of "Gritfith Gaunt," which will account
for any similarity that there may be between
the two ramidcations For the general style
also indebted to Mr.. Reade; but, having said
thus much, all is said. For the illustrations
am only indebted to Eytinge-not having vet
paid that eminent, excellent and patient artist
for his labors. Originally published IN
the New York Times, / was persuaded to con.
sent to the republication of the travestie in its
present form. And l will take this occasion to
say that l am ready and, in fact, eager, to be
persuaded to consent to the republication of
anything have ever written-provided some
one else can pe iound to incur the expense and
shall be pleased; If it pays, shall be more than
"My soul is not palace of the past
Where priest worn creeds, like Rome's grew Sonata
quake,
Hearing afar the Vandal's trumpet hoarse.
The time is ripe and rotten ripe for GRANGE
Then let 1t comeV
C.H.W,
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19


GREAT WHITE GELDING POINTS.
glided into DogwoOd Undermore. The hunts.
men and hounds were at this time so far in
arrears that they mi9took the great white geld
ing for the fox, and the back-hai OF the dreamy
virgin for his brush.
Sat Miss Phaeton so long and still upon her
horse at the corner of the underwood, that she
fell into deep revere, and did not see the fox,
when he stole out, though her eyes were bent
in that direction. Phe fox thought she was
looking at him, but here the popularity of those
grand and beautiful orbs made itself apparent
she was overlooking him. Huntsmen and
hounds were swearing and tearing in all direc-
hons, but Miss PhaetOn sat quietly and turned
over in her head a plan for converting all the
world to Roman Catholicism. Not so her horse.
He plunged and then didn't, and then trembled
all over and planted his forefeet together at this
angle \ At the same moment he slanted his
hind-legs thus =. The following was then the
position: 7 Y. 1t may be mathematically stated
thus, mo.
SO bTaced he could not move a peg; a horse
divided against himself can not stir-qUOd erdt
deDlonStrdnduan. But he looked a deal more
statuesque than any three statues in England
the gentlemen who carve horses In our native
picture-book?
The whipper-in came up and was somewhat
surprised at the attitudes of both horse and
rider. From that of the former he Thought that
the fox had popped out; from that of the latter
that Liffith Lank, who was in the neigh borhood
had either popped or was expected to- It never
occurred to his simple soul that a meeting OF
the hounds could be converted into meetiug
of the CongregdttO de Propaganda Eide. Z
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
Illustrations.
G. H. W.

PoRTRAIT OF KATE In this cut the cross.cnt
gwen to the eyes by the artist, is particularly
culated to overlook things about q house~or n
hedge.
The DUKL.-lllustratiye of what woman can do.
If she chooses and can manage to borrow pie.
bald charger.
THR DEoLARATIoE. .-Lifhth leaning against the
turret and establishing a life.lien on Kate
TEE LADX's MAID Mrs Ryder dressing her mis-
tress' hair-combinR 1t rather strong
The MODERN CRADLE. Mercy points to it-IifBth
sees the point but docs not Ike the game
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
CHAPTER III

Civilization has many meters. sometimes
these meters imbrue their hands in each others
blood-and all for the, want of an AM interna- TGl
Ssaa SHa st S4tpyFge n ggeer But for information on this
Eighth Commandment. In the presept one
my Masterpiece intend to treat oDiv oF the
Seventh and It's infractions, 'H'y Vi 'AN
The reader VIII readily infer that this is not
is not boattul OF pap, and paps should he care
9nOnitlIs pTGnUnitus wv
Nice the row when George Neveriu rode into
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19

the yard of the Roebuck on Miss Phaeton's
great white geldIng.
"You are a iiar and q sCoundrelW cried Lif-
fifth, stridiug up TO b m.
It was hard to be worsted in n horse-trade
and then accosted in this abrupt way by rival.
George Neverill ground his teetb-as though he
would make meal of his adversary. The rivals
measured each other from head to foot with
small tape-line which was kindly furnished by
one OF the walte1s), and Liflitb, finding himself
a half inch the taller, hcsitated no longer, but
struck straight out from the shoulder.
Amid the darkness which oyershadoWed
Neverill's vision this glittered.-
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
0 THE SEX !

Slowly they galloped along together, the white
gelding leading. For, in this instance, Lifiith's
gray mare was not the better horse.
skate" spoke Lifith, GIVE been counting
you nigh upon three years, and now there's an
other lad come into court. Mayhap you think
me ladder. 1t is time you said me yes or no.
love you, Kate, and how could you be so cruel
as love any other man 4? There, let me get off
my horse and lie down gu the stubble and you
ride over me. ! would rather have you trample
on my RIBS than below the belt; but choose
your own turnpike, Dearest-and any way, I've
policy OF insurance against accidents ia my
pocket Wilt have me, Kate?"
(That was the way they made love on horse.
back in the middle ages, before the invention of
parlors and easy-cbairs and bay-windows and
turbine water-wheels.)
Miss Phaeton turned her glorious eyes upon
her lover ''What think you, Liilith, of the
Doctrine or Transubstantiation ~ said she soltly
looking him dreamily in the face.
Lithth muttered word which, under the cir
cumstances, might be called an allowable
rhyme, and dashing the spurs into his horse
rode fercely away. casual observer might
have thought Miss Phaeton was looking after
him. Not so; the popularity of those grand
and beautiful orbs again came in; she saw but
the moon
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19

which she was subject of old. cart there p,
said she. "Speak, dearest"
STRENGTHENING himself up against the turret,
honest Lith nth RiSGoughed RcG ~ hio) lhie) love
The thing was done, and Kate was captiyated.
Wrong in the quarrel, poor as a crow drunk as
a beast, and everybody urging her to marry
somebody else, her affections at once centred
on Lifith.
So the next morning Neverin got note, the
contents Of which ran much as follows-
at having suddenly occurred to me that you
would ike TO marry me, have consulted Lifnth-tO
end he thinks you would. Brother Leonard sees
nothing wrong in IL, inolininR to view il as auda-
be ambitions but Lihith and Father Francs'vew
the matter In different light For my part, 1 am
very much surpri;ed, for 1 have done nothing to
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19

DRAGGING THE MEBE.--A mere fancy sketch, exc
cuted by EytingC in pensive and retrospective
hour.
IHE APoTHRoFIs Showing what a man may
achieve If he has the industry to marry two
wives, and some one to right him up alter
ward especia ly designed for the example and
announcement oil Oung men.
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
81 lone Kdte -

ana sWalloWed y. ms act OF gailantrY, and
in the quarrel, moved Kate in his favor.
"HoW sweet !" she cried.
SAY, sugar of Lead" muttered the Scotch
surgeon who happened to be none other than
our old acquaintance IN the hard cash times,
DR.. Sampson.
Neverill didn't make much out of the ball
but he swopped horses again, and got back the
piebald charger.
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
TO THE

Hon. Henry j. Raymond,
WHO FIRST PUBLISHED THIS TRAvReTIE IN THE
NEW YORK TIMES, AND WHO HAS CUT OUT MORE
PRINTED LESS OF, AND UNIFORMLY PAID
BETTER PRICES FOR MY CONTRIBUTIONS
THAN ANY OTHER RDIToR LIVING,
THIS LITTLE VOLUME Is RE-
sPECTFULLY DEDICATED.
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
A JEWEL OF A GIRL, DOING THE POLITE AT DUEL

At this moment the piebald charger stepped
quietly in and stood between the levelled pistols.
There were two simultaneous reports. Miss
Phaeton, who never believed reports, paid no
attention to either, but caught the bullets grace
fully, one in each hand, and returned them with
her compliments to the two duellists.
Liffith upon his scratched these words:-
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
CHAPTER VII,

Liffith might have shown his gratitude to
Mercy in better way than marrying her, when
he knew very well that he had wife and child
in the next county.
1t was scarcely the right thing to do for there
is popular prejudice against man having two
wives, and one should always endeavor to con-
form to the customs of society. But | am
writing of period with which Fielding dealt,
and cannot forget my double character of
moralist and artist. "Liffith Lank" is no worse
than ''Tom Jones" or Ferdinand Count
Fathom," So, while all these fellows are bat.
ting at me, why do they not do little Fielding?
This tale hath foated the "Argosy,r and sus-
tanned the atlantic" The reader will remark
that have foated the foater. In Difference to
the absurd prejudices of society have already
omitted great deal that would have added
TO the interest of the story and its sHccess
among the masses : ereTlpll grdtid, the Mrs.
PouphaT business between Ryder and Liffith.
All this intend to publish in sequel, If
the matter can be satisfactorily arranged with
my publishers. And 1t can be- without doubt.
For it is mistake to suppose that consult
them or any one else regarding the morality of
what / write. The only thing discuss with
them is bulk and pTice-principally bulk. For
am an artist as well as moralist, and-Grs
tonga, etc.-my art chiefly displays itself in the
length of my stories. VerbuDl sap.
To return to my story. Matters did not 90 on
very thriVingly at the "Paokhorse" after the
marriage. Theprudent parents, who had thought
bring purses home occasionally, found to their
great disappointment that he was a gentleman,
and exceedingly awkward behind the bar.
Moreover, he drank like fish; nay he drank
not like a fish, for fish drinks but water, and
little of that drank Liffith. 1t was ale and sack
and sherry possets, until everything was empty.
! He drank them out Of house and home, and
creditors threatened to sell out the "Packhorsen
Reproached by Mr.. Vintner, Lifith requested
the old man to cease his taunts, and proposed
to buy him out To this a ready agreement was
made, for the "Packhorsen was old, and the
sign needed new painting, and the custom was
poor. The best customer was Lifhth, but he
did not even charge himself with what he drank.
of bulk had already been disposed of, for it was
in bulk that the inn was bought, aud the only
thing that remained was payment. 1t became
q oupstiOn Of cash
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19

However, a huntsman came up and made bold
to touch his bat, and ask her If she had seen
nothing of the tOB.
girdle, looked him dreamily in the face, aud
replied, "Yeso
He blew his own horn Justify, and asked which
way Pug had gone. Upon which Miss Phaeton
looked him dreamil7 IN the face again and made
answer that she did not know
bot didst not say thou eawst him ?r
mot So sweetheart said she laynp her
hand upon his arm softly and smiling sweatlv
"YOu asked had seen nothing of the fox, and
/ replied, yes-and L have seen nothing of the
foX.n
Thereupon the huntsman took a small but sim
Bile flask from his pocket, put it TO his lips and
wound another horn, for he now saw what the
dreamy virgin was at. He understood that she
had overlooked the fox.
Couple up and go home to supper ~ said
Miss PhaetOn, sublimely disregardful that Il was
not suppertime, and of the object which had
brought forty dogs and men and horses aud her
self to the field. ''The fox Is in his hole bv this
time" And touching spur to her horse, She
jumped over the astonshed buntsman's head,
and CHntered slowly home across country as
though nothing had happened.
Courage mes dnnSs ~ remarked the hunts
which the boof of the great white gelding had
grazed and damaged, thinking the while that
II was the Fall fashion, and had cost ten dol
laTs-"COurdge, mes dYpis, ie didbie est anorLp
Miss Phaeton had not ridden many miles
when Lffith Lank galloped up to her side In
expectation OF this event, she had been holding
In her impatient horse for the last half hour.
us 1t you, LitithY' she cried, with sudden
start of surprise: "who would have thought il !"
Mark you the woman there. Why, think you,
the grand and beautiful orbs overlooked the fox
when he broke cover at Dogwood Undermore ?
Why, think you, she broke up the hunt? Let
me whisper 1t to you in small type
The fox was not her little camel
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
1 A N * ;
OR,
LU n A Q Y.
W TN u
b Y Q. II. w EB b.

IL Illustrations BY SOL EYTINGE, JR.
QUOTATIONS BY VARIOUS AUTHORS
For in this world, to reckon everything,
Pleasure to man there is none co mparable
AS is to read with understanding
In books OF wisdom. They ben 20 delectab,e
Which sound to virtue, and ben profitable
TREvIsA.
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
"Nous Tevenons tOujOurs
A nos premiers amOurs, /"

And he saddled his great black hoNse and set
off to see the other Mrs. Lank. His tather-in-law,
who thought he was going out to the high road
to follow his old trade of "stand and deliver,n
bade him God-speed, but the dove eyed angel
sighed. For he might come to grief, thought
she, and it would not be pleasant to be widow
of man who was hanged.
Lfiith delayed two days upon the road, for he
began to feel he was riding on an awkward
erTand. Having turned over in his mind the
way he should conduct the disagreeable but
necessary business, he determined to conduct
it upon business principles only, and if collate
rails and an indorser were required, to get his
father-in-law to back his paper
Singularly enough he found his wife exactly
where he had left her. She was looking care
fully over the ground, in accordance with her
usual custom, to find the purse that had been
The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-01-19
VERY Hard OAaH.

At mention Of this, Lifith's face fell. For he
had spent all the money he took from the priest
at leaving, and what he had raised from selling
and pawning his other wifes jewels. Suddenly
a brilliant idea occurred to him. He would go
back to that other wife and borrow of her
enough money to set himself and this one up In
business. so it is the words Of the old song
came trne.
The New era. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1865-1871, 1867-02-28
REED ORGANS, &c.


The following remarks and suggestions rela-
fivn ia his inmpnselv nonul.r insfrumnnt will
doubtless interest and nrdtt very many Of our
readers; VIC commend the article totheir care
FIJI nprusal
4 hundred and one makers Of ORGANS. Cot
faee, Parler Cabinet. American. School Or
rams etc are each c]aim;no tn make the bes3
Instrument in the world Being compare
fiypfy \ new instrument as ii present con-
structed we are nvinced the pnblic are
much less CAPABLE of iudeinp of its merits. or
dement's Than of most other Instruments. If
tbepa i reall, ~, essential Inference in them
f there are some pxcellent and worthless ones
the m,hlie shonld bavesone criterion for iudo,
inc Of them some facts which will enliahten
Them We eheerfrIlv eoneede the snace for
tbis article Lnawine that thera i bard)v q
family. or church. or school in ali the land
are also aware of its being a great misfortune
= resi calamity Ia any Of tbem 10 n,,rebasaa AZ
inferior or worthless ORGAN rnindus Ia GOOD
PLAYING. and often a source Of much annoy
ance and vexation. We know this article to
=on1an,te from u candid md INTELLIGENT source
and Tins we giye f To onr ra.ters
The apestion is often asked Whit ara freed
ORGANS ~ We answer theyare In most cases
nothing in the yorla hnt The old ,nelodeon In
aisqnise Nany az tha sa.eallad araane h.ve
5laa same hollouss tbn so,na rnnds ND tba Same
aanora Internal arranaamant W;tb tho hal-
fo,Ts 4,,rnea an I'd ya Ia ga;n ran,, thov hoyo
sjnnlv nat on a more nretentieus exterior. and
= nor biab ssIinng Rnt IN or,an
Io be In reailty an asodn mnst have = w;nd
Ghost ar resoT,e tor a;, ea's,rate from tha
beloWs into wb;rb y;nd.obost ~ reads oven
and the tome hos raom 10 nxnand md nerfact
;tsalf inta The fl,ll ra,,na tnne similar r. tbe
Ate ~ ,;,1e saH frt' ~
nallo,r ND tbs tano fra,, roa5s nannnt he
obtained in any other wav known. Sntbine
~ annoys true orgaist ~ 10 have fbe yolnme
= -. -. NJ. -, i: ~ =
Win every ya1;af3an af farsa an me beilaws
,.bieb i s,.a,s tha oosa u,boro tbo roaas aen
diraet ;t tba baIlns ~ a;r,asparns ;nstpsd
The New era. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1865-1871, 1867-02-28
nR. y. w. JONES'
BOTANIC MEDICAL HOUSE
HAGERsToWN. ND..

Where can be had the most certain, sat
speedy and permanent treatment in the world
for all Diseases of Private Nature, such ..
Gonorrhea elect. Structures, Seminal Weak
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Bladder Leins and Back, Nose and Throw
Nervousness and other EXtremities &c.
LIEF THE AFFLICTED BEAR TN
MIND
that Dr. Jones has cured in the last six Year,
past in Hagerstown, and many other places i
Maryland, such eases as were given over f
after all other means failed. DR.. Jones has
now completely improved his Medical Hous.
with Private Consulting Rooms, so patient
will see no one but the DR.. himself. and ali m.
tients that will remain in person under treat
ment, DR.. Jones will make written contract
with them for
The New era. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1865-1871, 1867-02-28
COST A RS
PICTORIAL
Cough Remedy,

For Coughs, Colds, Hoarseness, Sore Throat,
sumption, Bronchial Affections, and all Dis
eases of the Throat and Lungs
Bottles Is cts, so cts. and 81 sizes
Sold by all Druggists everywhere.
:, And by HENRY r. COSTAR, Depot 484
And by BY j. j.. L. W. BAKER, Maytias1u,g,
". Va
The New era. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1865-1871, 1867-02-28
DUMP MAKING and REPAIRING

The undersigned would inform the citizen.
OF berkeley and adjoining counties that rs
still carries on the
PUMP-MAKING AND REPAIRING;
BUSINESS,
and Is prepared to give prompt attention to All
orders in his line.
Nal can be found 1t ali times, whes
not absent On business, at my residence %
John street, Martinsburg, " In.
yl0 ly CHRISTI AN 5. LANTZ
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1867-07-18
THE. GAZETTE.
THURsDAY EVENING, JULY -

Another ssSoUTHERN OUTRAGE EXPO
!, pEp.-A correspondent of the Richmond Wing
writing from Fortress Monroe says ,! From no
point are the correspondents of the press. so
often in error as those that get up sensatl o.
here. Want Of proper information is d &c u
less the cause. FIX
Some weeks since 1t was printed far ana !, near,
particularly in the Northern papers, 81. tnat a
Mr.. Reuben III. Clarke: residing IN Eilzaoeth
City county, and near this post, nae commit
tad hrntal murder on soldier IN his store,
roam at Mill Greek. And a famous periodical
Of New York city, known Tor its bitter hatred
Of every Southern creature and thing, has ven
tured to draw a hideous picture OF the muir
derous deed, representing the actor. IN It as
giant in size. and strength, who had without
proyocation, sent a poor soldier into eternity
At an examining court very recently held, 1t
was developed by the evidence that an a1ttay
occurred at Mr.. Clarke's store between sol
der and mechanic, and that during the al
tercation, the wife Of the mechanic lntetposed,
when the soldier several times straeSi anu an
licked the mechanics wife Mr. Clarke
Jumped over bis counter, shamed the soldier
for striking helpless woman, rescued the wo-
man from bis grasp, and declared that no man
should in his house strike and beat woman.
The soldier abused Mr.. Clarke and struck him
blow, when Mr.. Clarke struck the soldier
back with tie open hand, and knocked him
several feet. The soldier fell against all iron
point and had his neck dislocated by the tall,
death OF course ensuing. There was no malice
It was sudden affray, commencing, on Mr.
Clarke's part, in the defence Of weak woman,
in repjv to blow actually inflicted on himself,
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1867-07-18
BY J. #. PARROTT-AUcTIoNEER

&EaS a THREE-STORY
sEs!a BRICK WAREHOUSE AT AUCTION.
On tn URSDAY, the 1st day Of August: 1867,
at - O. clock m in front Of the Mayors Office,
in the city Of Alexandria, Va, the undersign-
ed as Commissioners OF the Circuit Court of
Alexandria county. Va, under the authority OF
decree entered at the November term, 1866, of
said Court, in the cause Of Wilson, ct AL, vs..
Wilson, ct al, will offer for sale, a. publg auc,
ton, . three-story BRICK WAREHOUSE and
LOT, No. 20, so feet front by 80 feet depth, on
the north side Of King, between Union and
Water streets.
TERMS:-l0 per cent cash; the residue in
equal instalments, in six, twelve and eighteen
months, secured by the bonds of the purchaser,
with approved security. Title to be withheld
until the last payment is made:
GEO. WIN. BRENT.
LAW. 3. TAYLOR,
JOHN =. CHAPMAN,
T. L. SMITH,
ie 2l-lawts Commissioners.