The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-08-09
Our an Snrts.

Marriage must be favorable to longevity;
an old maid never lives to DO moro than
thirty.
A man ceases to DO good fellow" the
moment hc refuses to do what other people
wish him to do.
The author ofsCary me back to Old
Virginia" has opened livery stable and is
carried hack in his own conveyance when.
ever be wants to be.
The one who asked, swho will care for
Mother nowf" has finally concluded to
take care Of tho old woman himself, as no
one else seems inclined to do 20.
The man who "Dcmpt dwelt' in Mar
bic Halls" has opened a marble quarry
there, and is doing a thriving business in get.
ting out grave stones
A newspaper. in noticing the prcsenta-
ton ola silver cup to contemporary, says:
tile needs no cup. He can drink from
any vessel that contains Representatives.
the neck Of a bottle, the mouth Of q demi-
john, the spile Of a keg, or the bunghole Of
barrel
A thick headed squire being wosted by
the Rev. Sydney Smith in an Argument,
took his revenge by exclaiming, Elf ] had a
son who was an IDIOT, would make him a
parson." "very probably" said Sidney |;
'but see your father had different opin-
ion." .....0
A poor lrishman who applied for a Ii
ccnse to sell ardent spirits in one Of the
provincial towns in England, being qucs.
toned by the Board OF Excise rs to moral
fitness for the trust. replied: "Och, an It's
there ye arc-sure an lbs not much Of a
character man needs TO sell whiskey."
A young and beautiful but poor widow
was looking after rich old widower. Her
friends wished to know what she wanted
To marry him for. Shclrcplied, For pure
love. love the ground (mcaning farm
probably on which he walks, and the very
house in which he lives" There 10 pla.
tonic love for you! #t.. |
At ladies' temperance meeting, not
long since, one Of the members remarked
that The temperance cause had been HESS
ing to her for" she added, Z" slept with
barrel of rum for ten years; but now"
she continued, her eyes Frightening. "sincc
my husband signed the pledge. / have 4
MANIC sleep with-thanks to God" Then
all The spinsicn laid their hands on their
hearts and said-A.men.
"Hans. where werc you bom7" "On
the llolpardarask." swbat alwaysr
Yaw, and before, too" elbow old are
YOU, thcn2" "When the old schoolhouse
Isl, built was two weeks moro as a year
what IL painted red rs you 20 home init
your back bchint you on der right side by
the old blacksmith shop what stands where
il was burnt down next year will DO Two
week"
A laundrcss, who was employed In the
family Of distinguished United States
Senator. said to him, with q sigh: aOnly
think, sir, how little money would make
me happy" SHOW little, madam" said
the old gentleman. "Oh! dear cir, one
hundred dollars would make mo perfectly
happy" eff that Is all, you shall have IT,"
and he Immediately gave Il To her. She
looked nj il with Joy and thankfulncss, and
before the old gentleman went out Of hear
ing, exclaimed, wish ] had said two
hundred"
Difficulty, struggle, progrcss,-this, re-
peat 10, is the law. by this we conquer !; by
this il is, that the spirit gradually obtains
the aseendency over the flesh by this ID is,
that the creatures Of earth and dust gradu-
ally begin Heaven Tor themselves here
by this il is that the slaves Of ignorance and
fenr und sin throw of the spirit Of bond.
age, and aspire to DO children Of God
''and if children, then heirs, heirs OF God,
and Joint heirs with Christ; ifso DO that We
suffer with Him that We may be glorified
together"