The Wyandot pioneer. (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1853-1868, 1867-08-01
From the CHM. Times.
DEAD BROKE.
BY THE "FAT CONTRIBUTOR"

81 .i BIZ THE FAT CONTRIBUTOR.
We found a man seated on a curb
stone, near the Postoffice, last night,
muttering to himself apparently, as
there was no one else to mutter to
We felt constrained to ask him what
he was doing there?
"Hain't doin' nothin'," was the
reply"
Where do you belong? ?"
Don't belong nowhere, and no
where don't belong to me'
"Who are your
''Pm Broke"
''Well, suppose you are broke
you've got name haven't you p
What is it p
81 tell you I'm broke-Dead
Broke-that's my name and that's
my natur'. My father was broke
before me. If he hadn't been
wouldn't be broke now-at least moi
so bad My mother was a Peasley
but she wanted a husband, and she
got Broke, that's my dad, and he got
me- I've been Broke ever since''
For few moments the unhappy
d. Broke buried his face in his hands
End seemed lost in the most doleful
reflections. Then, raising his head
he exclaimed bitterly:
''I wish / had been born colt.
why do YOU wish you had been
born a colt p
Because a colt amt broke until
he is two Or three years old. / was
Broke the moment l saw the light
and | never got over it. It is hard
to be broke so young"
"How did your parents come tC
call you Dead Broke ?'''
"Well, We see, as soon as I was
born something seemed to tell me
that l had got to be Broke all my
| life, unless / could get my name
changed by act of Legislature, and
that, you know, would be an impos-
sihility.''
How an impossibility ?"
"Are YOU such blockhead as to
suppose that man can get anything
through the Legislature when he is
Broke ?''
"You are right, Go on"
''When the conviction forced it
self upon my infant brain, confused
as it was by recent experiences, thai
must be Broke all my life, / felt
that there was nothing left to live
for, and lost all consciousness al
once. I have found only part of il
since
He is dead" cried my mother
wringing her hands.
Yes" groaned my father, 'dead
Broke p
Il revived, alas. bnt Dead Broke
became my name, and | have beer
dead broke ever since"
MY name has been fatal to me
all through life. The smallest bo,
in school always broke me in play
ing marbles. ] broke more win
dows than any other boy in base
| ball. | always broke down at reci
tations, and had my head broke ev-
cry day by the schoolmaster. Wher
left school I went to clerk It for 8
broker. One day there was heavy
deficit in the accounts. l was afraif
he might think / had something tc
do with it-so Ii broke They
caught me though, and put me il
| Jail, but I broke out.
"Out of jail p
NO, d-n it, broke out with the
small poxr'
What did you do next 90
''After the court had disposed o
my case, was allowed to go into
the brokerage business again.
''How was that -
II broke stone in the Penitentiarv
dog on it. After got out I brok'
everything. | broke my promise
broke the Sabbath, and broke th,
pledge
"Was you ever married ?"
Yes, (sighing deeply matrimon,
broke me up worse than anything
else. My wife was a regular ripper
She broke up my furniture and th,
dishes, nearly broke my back with
flat-iron, and finally broke my heart
"By running away?''
"No, indeed; by sticking to me.
| you have had a hard time of it.
Cali owing to my name But baC
as | dislike it, it's mine; T came b,
it honestly. You wouldn't thinl
anybody else would want to be il
my place, would ye? but there ar;
thousands Of imposters all over tn,
country trying to pass themselve
off for me-
"In what way p
"When they tell their creditors
that they are Dead Broke -
There was another pause, during
which the unhappy possessor OF al
unfortunate name could be heard t.
sob. AT length he broke out
1T will be simple and fitting in
scription for my tombstone, though
"What %