The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1867-09-07
A Pen Picture Or Congress.

letter, gives the following picture Of our
virtuous Rump Congress:
my head drops upon my hand and I
glide away in reyerie which. catching
its tiuge from surrounding objects, is dark
dark as ebony. when the sudden slamming
of door watts a more than usually frag-
rant puff Of air to my nostrils, and revives
me just as harsh, hoarse growl begins to
rise from the floor below, and the won
dering youngstcr at my side inquiries,
who is that, Mr.. Bell?' THAT cloven-
hoofed creature, Johnnie, that venerable
fake of boiled-over scum from the kettle
Of perdition, is the Honorable Thaddeus
Stevens, of Ironworks, Pennsylvania.
Note his hard, forbiddipg features, the
smirk Of villainous complacency, that
mingles perpetually with a scroyl in the
wrinkles about his malignant old swapping
turtle mouth. Note his dark red wig, fit
covering for the Iurid fires that aame be-
meath it, and his hobbliBg distorted car
cass, cmblcmatic Of the hideoua old soul
that burns within it. Mark him well,
my boy, aud remember tkat, if through a
life Of nearly eighty years, you never cher
ish one generous, pure, forgiying thought /;
if for four score years your bosom glows
with the Kissing flames Of the Internal pit
until your whole nature becomes one dark,
eharred mass Of fury, hate, revenge and
lust; if for eighty long years you scorn
10 feel one human impulse, one tender
emotion, and give yourself up as dwell
ing place for scorpions and asps, the sew
enty times seven such devils as drove the
ferocious maniac Of old to grovel among
the tombs Of Of the Gadarencs If whilst
your withered, rage.scorched old form il
tottering on the brink of the grave, you
are ever ready to howl for vengcnce, de.
struction and slaughter-ever ready like
8 foul jackal to gnash your shiny fangs
over the bones Of the dead, and. in addi-
tion, can boast molasses candy-colored
family, you may, possibly, become The
Nestor Of the house, And who II that
just behind him, Mr Belly That bloa.
ted mass Of stencil emitting carrion, with
the face SO cruel, so obscure. SO devilish
that you involuntarily look for the horns,
the claws, the scales and forked tail. is the
tar-famed hero of Big Bethel, Fort Fisher
and New Orleans, boy; the foaming Sc.
cessionist Of the Charleston Convention
the ffty-two times voter for JEFF. Davis
the lying braggart, thief. the murderer
the debauchec, the foulest fend, save
John Mcneil, the butcher of Palmyra
that roams outside of the pit of the damn
ed the Radical saint of Lowell. where
he Is convenient as LII. D., Professor o.
Virtue aud Moral Science to thousands q
the poor New England factory girls
Look at him; laugh, ye gods Can helPi
chief cook, as he sticks fresh fat sinner
on his toasting fork, grind out a NOR,
frightful chuckle, q more leering, horri
bic grin I? That, my boy, is Spoon, Corl
Bottle, Beast Butler Learn TO lie, t,
steal, to murder, to commit every Grim,
too shocking to be contemplated, too fou
to be named, run the whole gamut of tn,
record books of damnation, and, boy, go,
may some day represent his pious Massa
chusetts district in Congress, as he vii
then represent this Congress in his nativ,
hell" oh Mr. Bell, don't talk SO loud
but who is that with the carrot-coloreC
side whiskers, up yonder near the Speak
er's desk? That, Johnnie, is Bingham
the Ohio iComan murderer Whereyel
he walks in the light Of Gods sun o.
moon, the shadow of galloWs and an in
nocent widow victim is said to fall. Near
| ly opposite to him, over there on the lef
Of the Speaker, sits, 'Stonewall Jackson
Commissary,' the demonstrating, fuga
cious hero of Red River, Goldfish Banks O
Massachusetts,. Plat bushy-headed BIZ
ped in the back row of seats is Buckley,
Impeacher Ashley. He only lacks tai
to convert him into an African ouranI
outang, and | am happy to hear from hi
family physician that this important arti
Gle of supplementary anatomy is alread,
sprouting; so that if Professor Agassiz'
theory is correct, he may yet hope t
number among his descendants some un
adulterated specimens of the man an,
brother that can't change his cuticulc
nor the leopard his spots That insig
nifcant thing with the glossy black hal
and beard and heart, away across nea
Stevens and Butler, is little Pettifog vii
liams. No one seems to know what Stat
it halls from, nor anything about it excep
that it sits next to Thad. and made il
frstspeechifying effort against restoring I
the perishing women and children of th
South small fraction of what its nea
neighbors stole from them. That would
be military looking parsonage with th
oily locks and heavy moustache, who sit
there near the centre of the hall, is knowl
in his own State as Dirty Work Logan,
Six years ago he was o rabid Secessionist
swore that if the rights of any State wer
trampled upon, his sword would be til
first to leap from its soabbard, and he tn
first to rush to tho roscue!' He recruit
cd men for the Confederate army, an,
paid the expenses of some of them out Q
his own pocket. The Southern Confed
!, eraoy didn't give him Major-Generalshil
the Yankee Empire did; and aoac he
one of the loudest shriekers for the exteI
mination Of the whole population of thos
States to whose rescue he was then &C
ling to rush SO terrifcally But we hav
no time, just now, to notice any more G
these rara aves.' This, Johnnie, is tn
Lo,oer House, and represents the grea
masses, the common herd
There is yet another body, far NOR
august, to which each State can send bu
two members. They may be considers
the very top-skimmings of our publ
creme dc Ia crenaa, the choicest of our na
tional jewels. They meet in the othe
wing. Keep your hand on your pocket
book, and come with me there. We en-