The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1867-08-22


Gen. Grant and Other. Individ.
uaIs are Mixed, with No Regard
Whatever for Time, Place or
Fitness.
PosT OFFS, CoNFEDRIT K ROADS, !
(Which is in the Stait Nv Kentucky) :
August 1, 1867.
Last mite there Wuz a convocashen Nv
the saints connected with the Institoot
(uv wich Deekin Pogram is the cheef-
est and loveliest among ten thousand)
to take sweet counsel together onto sew
raj matters connected with the institoo-
shen of learnin, the success NV which is
80 dear to all Nv us. The conversashen
happenin to turn upon the conferrin NV
honorary degrees, Deekin Pogram sed
that he had a suggestion to make. He
he'd notist that all the leadin colleges Nv
the country had a practis NV conferrin
titles, such ez "M. d." ga. b."
oil. d." and sich onto distinguished
men, tho he wuz free to say that he
didn't know wat in thunder they meant,
or wat they wuz good for. But he he'd
notist in noosepaper that no college
he'd yet conferred any sich onto Androo
Johnson. Considrin it a burnin shame,
he wood sejest that ez rebook to the
hide bound instooshens NV the North,
this college do to-wunst coDfer all NV
EN-, and ez many more ez ther is, onto
Mr.. Johnson Bascom remarkt that he
didn't know whether the President
wood feel complimentid. "Yoo know,
Deekin," sed he, "that this amt much
Nv college!"
"Troo," sed the blessid old peece NV
innosence, "too true, but then, to bal
ance that, Johnson amt much Nv a
President, 700 know"
And so the honrary degrees was con-
ferred, and notice thereof wuz sent him
immejitly,
From this the question nv the next
nominee NV the party for President
came up. Bascom, who isn't far-seein
man, asserted that it wood be necessary
to nominate Grant. The Deekin re-
markt that he tho't it would be safe,
but McPelter tho't different. He didn't
bleeve in the first place that it become a
Peace party, or at least party wich, eff
it dipped its hands in gore at all did it
mostly in Northern gore, to take up a
Northern General wich had dun its best
toward sendin many thousands OF
SouthnerS to their long homes, and be-
sides the General wouldn't take it,
Bascom wanted to know wat the con-
ference at Long Branch meanti Ef
General Grant wuz in the control NV
Weed, Raymond and the Moo York
Herald, wich was ekal to the World,
the Flesh and the Devil, he felt that he
he'd trooly found the broad Macadamiz-
ed road to Democrisy. lie began to
hev hopes NV him. Various opinions
wuz expressed by various persons,
when, without comm to any conclusion
we separated. I retired that mite ear
lier than usual, and my mind dwellin on
the chances NV my continuin in offs in
case NV Grants accession, / fell into q
troubled sleep, and dreamed dream.
Methawt gathered in front Nv the
White House wuz gallant array nv
our friends. There was Franklin
Peerce, and Bookanan, and Vallandi-
gum, and the Woods, and Magofin,
and Monroe, and Brite, and Breckin-
ridge, and the leaders Nv the Democri-
sy, all a standin ther lookin wishfully at
the White House, and wonderin how
and by what means they Good git in
johnson, blessins on his head, stood
onto the portico wavin to EN- to come :
but, alass! guardin the passage stood
a mighty host Nv Ablishnists, armed and
clad in armor, and in such force ez to
make the stormin NV it hopelis.
"How shall we get 4" sighed Bel
mont.
"Ah indeed, howl" ansered Henry
Clay Dean.
"That's the great moral question
howl ekoed Ben Wood.
"My frend!" sed Thurlow Weed,
otis easy enuff When you can't sore
like the eagle, crawl like the snake.
Sorein is preferable, but crawlin will do
at pinch. Esther not the Lion of tho
Republici Can't yoo get him out and
mount himi The Ablishnists hev a
regard for that same Lion, and will
never discharge ther arrers at 700
when yoor on his back, for fear Nv kill
ing him. Besides, yoor ridin him will
in some degree do away with the pre-
joodis they hev agin yoo."
"But how kin we mount himp said
they.
GTrust us for that" said Wood, and
him and Raymond trotted off to get
him.
They got the Lion out, but ez soon
ez he cast his eyes onto the crowd he