Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1867-11-15
NUMBER 33. !

q ga NUMBER 33.
80 Woodbury., Ida Sac, PIymoutlr
b, Eugene Criss. ..ia ~ g.s.g,
Ioi WGIght. Hamilton, franklin,
| = Hancock--Joli IL. Hunter.
50 Webster, Pocahontas Calhoun,
Humboldt@-ssamuel Rces.* s. ae
SO Monona, Crawford, Carroll-Ssepli-
en- Tillson.
"a Greene, Guthrie, Audubon Henry
e5 RinssolRd, ifaylor--neonard 4. Mo.
ee Adair, cass. Montgomery +. y
81 Butler, Grundy-J. A. Guthrie. t
6S Adams. Union--N. w. RowelL fg F5
j. Republicans in Roman, az; Demo-
Gratis in Kalic, IL: Peoples in SMALL
CAPS, 5; Independent. =. 2.
Things Wise ~ Othcrvisc.
New York cracks 100000 egg each
day. t8 =
A good locality for hens. E
War and matrlmony are both pleas
ant In contemplation until they are 1
tried. f6 4sa~
What Is the difference between the
door of a barn and am over. r.talkative
person? One Is a barn door and the
other is darn bore.
"Marriagel", quoth Kate, "deiino it If
you can, sir?o
"The bachel,rs last follyp was
the answer. E 4s#s )
"Ah! Pat" said discontented hotI-
carrier, don't take up this mode of
life 1t has too many ups and downs in
| it.n ~
l. won't that boa constructor bite me?u
said n litue boy To a Snowman. "Oh
no, boy; he never bites, lis swallows
Ills whites whole" %ts ah
i Come. Tom, it Is ten O'Clock; l
think we had better he going, for it is
time honest folks were ut homer st a}
| "Weli, yes, was thereby, "but you
needn't go on that account" l.zt .r,
There is a very intelligent hen at /
| Wheeling, Va, which belongs TO tho /,
wife of an express agent The eggs I.
laid by the hen arc marked with raised
letters @. o. d." l M
Figure up your minister's expenses,
ana see how far the salary fall short of
the reckoning. II may he well 10 llg-
ure up your own, and put them side by
side, making allowance for the differ
ence In living. H t# @@.aT
AT a Fourth of July celebration I'm
Marion county, H., young lady of.
fsred the following toast: "The young
men OF America-their arRs our sup
port, our arms their reward, fall in, fall
in.n ~.
"I.ook here boy" said nervous
gentleman to an urchin who was
munching candy at d lecture, "you
are annoying me very much.u mo. [
amt neither" said the urcliin, 'I'm
gnawing this'ere candy"
"I'll teach sou to play pitch and toss.
I'll flog you for an hour, WILL ga
Father instantly replied the incor-
| rigible, as he balanced u penny OH his
thumb and finger, "I'll toss you to-
make IL two hours or nothing" Gr vi
81 say Jones, how is II that your wifo
dresses SCI magnificent, and You always
appear out ut the elbow!'' Jones (im-
pressively and significantly, "you sec
4 Thompson, my wife dresses according
to the Gazette of Fashion and accord
ing to my Ledger" esd aa
Irish citizen, In grief, Is alSed by his
friend, "What's the mattef?' MAT.
ter indade? Why, here, insured my
brothers life only two wakes ago, aud
yesterday he got kilt with derrick.
And when came TO tell these insur-'
ances they'd been after making some
mistake, the black'ards they to bribe
me off In the five hundred dollars, MS III
| was q haythen, to sell my brother'sa
blood" - 20 g3 Ha1 - Is nal1ar1
Not many years since, In West Ply
mouth, 10 used TO be the custom for the
Ischoolmaster to "board roundn among
the families of his pupils so as to save
expense. Sometimes, of course, the
days did not come out evenLthere
would be eight days and half at one
place and nine at another. One man,
who was notorious for his meanness,
just before the schoolmaster began his
dinner, said to him. "Mr. -, sup-.
pose by rights your time Is up Just
about half way through this dinner.
That's as near as L kin calculate, and
/ I've @ ] ulated pretty close. But Z
don't wish to be small about it, and you
kin eat just aboutas much rs you wo'd
do for ordinary. Hga asis say
! An instance Of connubial affection is
narrated rs occurring lately in New
Hampshire A couple had squarreled
during the whole long term OF their
married life. At last the husband was
taken i'll and evidently about TO die.
| MS WHe caHlc 10 iifs oeusfue where AZ
ter she had seen his condition, the fol-
lowing cologuy ensued:
i wy daddy, your feet are cold and
your hands are cold, and your nose il
cold?', 20 yad 81 fa-f #ff 4a..ff
A "Wa'al let um be cold?'' M
i IVY, daddy, you're goin to die?"
! "Wa'al, / guess know what Inn
about n9fe TEh f3W 8g
4 "Wy, daddy, watts to- become OF mo
Ii you die?o sfsafss
"Dunno,. and don't care! What I
want to know Ii tcdt Is 10 become Of
y n,e.n e}af 1i g sl E8 a81 sa8s
/ e ----ee e--+------ 8sI tAa8f
4 beecher OLA Mati.iInony.
Il Beecher preached recently sermon
on getting married, InaHy passages of
which produced a suppressed tittcr
4 among the ladies'. The following sum.