The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1867-09-21
Bunget of Finn.

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The man who was hemmed in by a crowd
has been troubled with stitch in his side ever
since.
Why might carpenters really believe there is
no such thing as stone! Because they never saw
Ipecac Useless says that eating ground glass
gives one permanent pane in the stomach.
Why is young man reclining on the bosom
OF his wife like fellow indulging in a spree ?
Because he is on bust.
Why do ladies like to visit the sea.coasts Be-
cause it relates to marry-time.
As the steamer Oregon was passing, newly
arrived lrishman belonging to the celebrated
O'Regan family was heard to exclaim, sore.
g-o.n-O'Regan oh be jabers only four weeks
IN this country yet, and a steamboat christened
after me! !"
A lawyer, one day pleading before him, and
using several times the expression nv nfortu.
nate Client" Lord EllenborouYh suddenly in.
terrapted him" There, sir the court is with
you"
"Johnny," said little three year old sister TO
an elder brother Of six" Johnny, why can't we
see the sun go back where it rises!" "Why,
to be seen going down east"
How TOUcHING-"Y You have played the
deuce with my heart, said gentleman to la
dy who was his partner in game Of whist.
Well" replied the lady, with an arch smile,
sit was because you played the knave."
1t is related that the clerk of a rural church in
England recently made the following announce
ment to the congregation.
SsNn, red asrad 70 - A.
vestry, at four o'clock, to consider on the means
of eating the church and digest other matters"
A Scotch old maid who was asked to subscribe
to raise men for the king, during the Peninsular
war, answered
"Indeed, I'll do no such thing; l never could
raise man for myself and am not going to
raise men for King George
A Constable in Ohio lately testified in court as
follows:
"Iknow nothing of her but what hear the
neighbors say; and in my opinion, what woman
says of another, is not worthy Of belief"
A short time ago, at a school in Newark du.
ring lesson on the animal kingdom, the teacher
put the following question "Can any boy name
TO me AN animal Of the endenta-that is, front
beamed with pleasure at the prospect of good
mark replied IL cam well, what is it z"
Ny grandmother"
A young man, by the name of johnson, has
been arrested in Albany for perpetrating a new
dodge" He fastened bristles ON the tail Of
rat, and then sold him for squirrel. The pur-
chaser was gentleman from Germany.
An old lady combatted the idea of the moon
being inhabited, by remarking with emphasis,
that the idea was incredible.
Enr ~. . -l,a&b boz. 4
in the moon when there is nothing left of it but
little streak"
Georgia editor. speaki.g dolefully of the
hard times, expresses fear that the whole world
will suspend. We must distress him with the
painful information that the whole earth is al.
ready suspended-in space
IA impertinent editor in Massachusetts wants
to know when we " intend to pay the debt OF ma
ture." We are inclined to think that when ma.
ture gets her dues from him, it will be by AL
execution.
A friend remarked the other day that there
was storm brewing. What kind of storm
do you think it will be z" well, think all
storm"
A young ladies base ball club has been organ.
lied in Niles, Michigan. We suppose they are
now open to engagements for home match.
An old bachelor seeing the words, "Familes
supplied" over the door of shop, stepped in and
said he would take wife and two children.
A traveller describes New England as the great
est watering place in the country. He couldn't
get anything but water
If, as the poet says, Beauty draws us With
single hair then wha.-oh ! tell US what-must
be the effect of modern waterfall,
A young lady being asked where was her ma.
tive place, replied, ~ have none; am adaugh-
ter Of Methodist minister
A "grelt brute Of a husband" advsrtises in
the morning papers, for = stout, ablebodied man
to hold his wife's tongue. ~