Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-11-30
SALMAGUNDI,


 sS- Man is mister, and woman a mystery.
 p% Woman is delusion; but men will hug delusions.
 1"Doctor, what will cure the fever of love?" "The chill ofwedlock, mad. emoiselle."
 ~Ifa man has nothing to say, heis sure to take much time and and use many words in saying it. N
 ~If truth really lies at the bottom of Q well, then the bottom of that we'll must have fallen out.
 [ h9rA young lady in Texas, who ad- vertises for husband, says she can talk philosophy as well as rock the cra- dle.
 1@-A lover has been pithily des- cribed as man who in his anxiety to gain possessson of another, has lost possession of himself.
 D@r Why-oh, why does a duck put her head under water, and why does she bring it upagain? For divers reasons, and for sun-dry causes.
 @Cufey said that he'd rather die in railroad smash-up than a steam boat burst-up, for this reason:
 eff you gifts off and smashed up, dar you is; but if you gifts blowed up on the boat, whar is you?"
 1r"Can you do all sorts of castings here?" said solemn-lo chap at the iron-works the other day.
 "Yes,' said Frank, preparing to take an order; ''all sorts."
 "Well, then," returned the solemn inquirer, "I would like to have you cast shadow"
 He was immediately cast out.
 What word is that in the marri- age service which if one letter of it were changed thousands of single per- sons would rush into matrimony, and thousands of married people become single? The word LIVE into LIKE, so that instead of agreeing to Hove. hon. or and obey" each other as long as they both do LIVE, it should be as long as they both do LIKE.
 s@-A friend once visiting an un- worldly philosopher, whose mind was his kingdom, expressed surprise at the smallness of the apartment.
 "Why, you have not room to swing cat!"
 "My friend," do not want to swing a cat"
 1@-A lady called at shop recently, and inquired ofa young clerk for "crew- el." Not willing to appear ignorant, nor exactly comprehending her, he handed down regular twisted cow skin.
 Why" said the lady, ."that is not what want"
 "Wcll," replied the boy, ''that is tho cruelist thing I know of."
 I@A preacher in the neighborhood of Hartford, Connecticut, not undeser-- vedly popular, had just finished an ex- hortation strongly recommending the support of a certain very meritorious institution. The congregation was nn- merous, and the chapel was crowded to excess. The discourse being fn- ished, the plate was about being hand- ed round to the respective pews, when the preacher made this short address to the congregation:
 s'From the sympathy have witness ed in your countenances, and the strict attention you have honored me with, there is one thing that am afraid of- that some of you may be inclined to give too much. Now, it is my duty to inform you that justice, though not so pleasant, should always be prior vir- tue to generosity; therefore, at you will all be immdiately waited upon in your respective pews, wish to have it thoroughly understood that no person shall think of putting anything into the plate who cannot pay his debts."
 We need not add that this produced most overfowing collection.
 A PLANTATION PREAcHER.-The fol- lowing is story told by the bishop of Tennessee, at the recent Church Con- gress, as showing the education of plantation preacher. He said:
 was visiting plantation, and the bell was rung, and the negroes, num- bering some five hundred, gathered in the parlor and piazzas of the house, be- unfortunately for himself, toa bachelor. After reading chapter to them preached, and said that would hold service the next day to baptize such as should be presented. Ibaptized between seventy and eighty, and, after a service, I fell into conversation with Uncle Tony plantation preacher. asked him about various Christian doc trines, and finally saidi
 And what about the Resurrection ?
 With a very solemn fiSe he replied:
 You see, master, 'ihtment is int ment.'
 Yes
 Well you see derc is sperituaI body, and dis body made of dus'.
 'Yes'
 Well, you sec, when the Angel Ga briel comes down from heaben, and goin' up and down de Riber Jordan, a blowing up his trumpet, and de birds ob Heaben singin', and the bells of Heahu rinpip, and do milt spd horev