The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1867-05-30

staNe. CeNefaI notes were found upon nm.
care them bibles ?" asked countryman the
other day in the registers Office, pointing to
The big volumes of Wills upon the shelves.
mo, sir answered one of the clerks, ''thOse |
are testaments.n
Mark Twain" says, in his programme of
his lecture on ''Kanakadom," that "some lit |
tie pathos will be infused into this lecture, |
and persons who are overcome bV il NAV 90 |
out for few minutes"
A little girl, just past her fifth year, while
chatting about the beauX that visited two oft
the sex in the same house, of more mature age,
being asked, ''What do you mean by beaux,
Annie = She replied ''Why, men that have
not got much sense"
farmer with a family of three sons and five
daughters was asked how many children he
had. The answer was, II have three sons and
they each have sisterS.' 'Mercy Z" exclaimed
| the interrogation, what a family We maun
have"
IF YOU WANT KISS TAKE IT.
There's jolly Saxon proverb
That is pretty much like this,
| That man is half IN heaven
When he has W0mdn's kiss:
| But there Is danger in delaying
| And the sweetness may forSake it;
| So tel you, bashful lover
| lfyOu want a kiss, why take it.
Never let another fellow
| Steal march on Won in this
| Never let TAU hing maiden
| See you spelling for kiss
| There's roval way to kissing,
| And the jolly ones who make il
| Have motto that is winning
Hyou want a kiss, why take it.
Any fool may face a cannon
| anybody wear crown.
| But man must win woman.
| - fhe'd have her for his own
| Would you have the golden apple.
| You must find the tree and shake it,
II the thing Is worth the having
| And you want kiss, why take it.
Who would burn upon desert,
| With forest smiling by?
| Who would give his sunny Summer
| For bleak and winry sky?
| - Oh | Tell you there is magic.
And you cannot cannot break it,
For the sweetest part OF loving
| Is to want Il kiss, and take it.
A stray c0ntraband from down south was
lately inspecting horsepower in operation
when he broke out thus Mister | have
seen heaps of things in my life, but I never
saw anything whar boss could do his own
work and ride himself, too"
Listen to Johnnie four years old. sitting on
his mammals lap the other evening He said:
'What made de Mary who was sitting on de
stye by side by side, die? and did she have q
doctorY'
He was thinking of
/ I'm sitting on the style Mary,
| Where we sat side by side.''
A man actually rendered a silver half dollar
in the SGOan'adh AelCS and Herald office last
Thursday, in payment for a copy of the morn
ing edition. He was about six feet high, dan k
complexion, with a cane and briar-root pipe.
He was apparently sane.
POOR ECONOMY.
Many man for love of self
! To stuff his Golfers. starves himself;
Labors. accumulates and spares,
To lay up treasures for his heirs;
Grudges the poor their scanty dole;
Saves everything-eXcept his soul!''
| When Lille was a very little girl, her father
found her hands full of the blossoms of a
choice tea rose on which he had bestowed
great care.
''My dear, didn't tell you" said he. enot
to pick one of these flowers without leave ~
YES, papa, said Lille, innocently, 'but
these had leaves.'
AT recent convivial party, somewhere in
the eastern country, the following toast was
proposed:
Vermont-Her men, horses, women and ma
pie sugar The first are strong, the second are
fleet, the third and fourth are remarkably
sweet, and all are uncommOnly hard to beat .
Q )! weave no wedding wreath for me,
But make good strong cup of tea.
| COnuUbial joys all 100 light:
In these could take no delight
An easy. chair. book to read,
poodle white is all ! need.
Then weave no wedding wreath for me
But put the kettle on for tea.
/ OLD MAID.
A California story tells of man who re-
solved to quit drinking, and went to a notary
to get him to draw up an affidavit to that Ell
feet. The document was drawn read and
proved; the party held up his hand and muir
INJURED the usual ''s'elp me-" 1t was proper
ly sealed and delivered. whats to nav ?''
asked the pledger. ITO pay-pay?" exclaim-
ca the notary; "nothing, of course-that is a
labor OF love-" Nothing to pay?' returned
the grateful but very forgetful atiiant, You're
a brick Let's take drink -
PRACTICAL REc1PEs.-FIy time is approach
ing, and with it will doubtless come the usual
myriads of insects, etc. TO poster and annov
u.s. We have selected a few recipes, which we
can recommend. Try them:
| To kill roaehes-Put your reaches in a bar
rel, put on pair of heavy boots and get in
and dance.
To render mosquitoes harmless-Pull ont
their bills with pair of longs
For tlcas-Tie them to the bed post with
! log chains, and let the dogs finish tn M
To kill mice-Flatten their heads with
| lemOn-squee
To kill rats-This recipe is cheap, and never
fails: When you retire for the night place a
small bit of cheese in your mouth. Care
should be taken to keep the mouth well open
and when the rats whiskers tickle your throat
bi e.
HINTS TO FARSIERs.-In breaking up the
ground III the spring always use IL ploW. A
hammer will not answer. See hat yourho
es are hitched to the right end of the pillow. or
In sowing oats he careful that your bows do
not use the wild" variety Thy will come to |
a head the soonest but the crop is not profit |
able. We never knew one of the sort TO nav
expenses. ~
Flat land is not best for corn. It slonld he
planted in "hills." The farmers who neglect
this caution will have hard row to hoe
-Four grains (avoirdupois weight) to the hin is
the rule for planting. Corn in the ear is bet
ter than corn on the toe. We have tried them
both.
Plart your potatoes with the eyes down
ward. This caution is particularly necessary
when 'women's rights" are employed to hoe
the earth over them
To prevent the pigs from getting at the
planted corn, ling their noses To prevent
hens from doing the same, wiring their necks.
A clotheS-wringer will do the work.
For getting wheat properly in the ground a
sowing machine Is indispensable-the Wheeler
81 Wilson.
Rye should be put in early-say the first
thing on getting up in the morning But this
fact is so well understood by farmers that but
few VIII require instruction thereon. Old rye
is best.
An exch nge in speaking of the magical
strains Of hand organ. says:"Wben he
played Old Dog Tray" we noticed eleven
pups sitting in front of the machine on their
Launches brushing the tears from their ewes
with their fore paws
Incomes Of New York Editors and Publish
eTs.
BY the following published incomes it will
be seen that the editorial and publishing fra
bernity are getting along very comfortably
Horace Greeley Tribune, S87, 900; H. j. Ray
mond, INES, $4,000, Erastus Brooks, E.c-
press, $4,000; VIM. G. Bryant, Post, $8l, 600 p
G. Nordhof, Post Sc, 100 T'hurlow Weed Con,
nerci4,, S62, go; Robert Bonner. Ledger 800
700 Frank Leslie, 1911 900 John r. Yousat
Tribune $23, 100; VIM. SwintoH, $lS,O0O;0
Journal Of Commerce, 562, 600; james Gordon
5ennet, S292, COO; James Gordon Bennett, Jr