Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1867-03-13

kin no account Nv our expenditoor,
they overturned it; we then histed a
sign-board bearin this legend, THE
whiskey is gone and the greenback
also" signed by the Board, but one
half Nv the citizens Nv that lokality
don't read and tother didn't hev the
nessary confidence in the t~ruthfulness
Nv the Board to prevent EN- from going
for the artikles, tho the very knowl-
edge Nv us which brought about this
state Nv disbelief, shood, one wood sup
pose, hev taught EN- that the green
back and ikker coodnt possibly be
thereafter SO long a periez he'd ensood.
So ez a last resort we stuck two posts
IN The ground and drawd ar iron chain
over it. That got EN-. Force is about
the only thing Nv any account in this
country.
The Board met last mite at the Post
Offs, wich ontil we git the Institoot
built, will be the headquarters NV the
Trustees, to consider the propriety NV
publishin a series NV skool-books adap-
It'd especially to the Southern inlel-
leck and calculated psrtikelerly to
keep alive in the minds Nv the buddin
yooths Nv the late Confedracy, witch is
unfortnitly deceest a lively opinion
Nv themselves and a correspondent ha-
tired Nv Moo England and the North
generally. We hev he'd serious doubts
whether proper ideas Good be instilled
into a yooth from a book written by q
Boston man, printed in Cincinnati,
onto paper made in Moo York.
,I-,.A4zl A. IL D.. ---
for a new Arithmetic, 20 wit:
A Yankee sent a substitoot into the
Federal army at a cost Nv $1,000, pas.
sin off onto him two counterfeit ten
dollar notes. To make up the expen-
ditoor, he to wunst sWindles a inno-
cent Kentuckian out ov 500 in a pat
ent rite, a Albanian out NV $500 in a
Western land trade, and the balance
he makes up by sellin wooden nut
megs, witch he turns out Nv Eastwood
at a profit Nv / cents per one. The
CRATE moral question is, how many nut
! megs must this ingenious but unpriuci-
pied cuss manufaktur and how long
does it take him with the improved
machinery they hey to do it ?
The Southern soljers at the battle Nv
the first Bull Run captured Is FEEDER
ais, one Nv whom he'd upon his person
So in greenbax and tothers IS each
How many Nv Johnson's postmasters
Good be bought with the proceeds Nv
the capcher?
Deekin Pogram approved Nv these
examples, but he kept insistin that
there wuznt enuff in EN- to fire the
Southern heart. The Southern heart
Wuz a perpetooal funeral pile witch
needed continyooal frin. Onless fired
it wuz a gloomy mass nv very onsightly
forthcomin book shood be coal oil on
the slumberin embers Nv the youthful
Southern heart. He he'd q example:
The battle Nv Chicamauga wuz fought
u certain number Nv miles from Chat
tanooga. One regiment Nv Confedrit
soljers druY a division NV Federal, ez
well ez Confederit, he'd two legs, how
many more steps did the Fedrals take
to git EN- into Chattanooga, where they
wuz comparatively safe from Confed-
rits to drive en- Their?
Bascom remarkt that he he'd one
wich he felt it his dooty to perpose:
A strikly conscienshus grosery keep |
starts in bizinis worth four hundred
dollars in clean cash. He pays for his
whiskey two dollars per gallon in Loois.
vile, and hez for a regular customer a
Postmaster, wich drinks forty or sixty
times per day, and alluz tells him to
list chalk it down." Required, the
Nv times nessary to burst under
them affiictin CIRCUMSTANCES.
Bascom remarkt that long before the
book appears in print, he wood be able
to furnish the anser to that little prob
lem. Considerin the example a dig at
me, l wuZ NV a noshen to retort, but
ther wuz SIGH a look Nv iDjerd inno-
sense onto Bsseom's oountenance that
RELY 1 ccodent. Suthin must be done
for Bascom-I hev lived onter him too
long. The next contribushen l reserve
friends North, shell be devoted to
in part, the debt / owe him.
Good bust him, by not givin him at
least cost for his likker, but wat follows?
the rub. Wood he WHO come
after give me credit? Better bear the
lis we heV than fly to them to witch
We hevnt binn intsrdoost.
Joe Bigler, the drunken Confederit
happened in, and heard the last
.wO examples, and remsIkt that he
,ood furnish US any number nv exam
pies at site. We never stop Joseph in
anything he proposes to do, for he hez
! habit Nv carryin a navy revolver slung
him, and he shoots. Joseph wuz,
therefore, permitted to perceed.
Eff q Southern man pants for his rites
Ind flies four years for EN-, gittin lick
ID like the devil, how long after is it
advisable for him to continyoo to pant,
1erVided he didn't know at the begin
lin wat his rites wuz?
Ivencherd to remark that a solushen
w that problem wuz impossible, ther
'ein nc pint to work a departure from, .
wich Joseph remarkt that perhaps
t WIZ faulty in that partikler, but he
led others: :
Eff n Southern soljer kin whip five
Northern %soljers. why in bloody thun-
Ter, they hevin he'd a s~uffishency Nv
'pportoonities NV doin it, didn't the ]
south gain her independence? 5
Efftin for four years, and losin every
ioggoned cents worth Nv property a
nan he'd wuz profitable biznis, how -,
many struggles for independence wood {
man Nv modrit means be justified in 4
,oin thru with? +
Eff two gallons and a half Nv Ken
lucky whisky kin be gotfrom a bushel
" corn, how many Democratic voters,
akin young men ez they run, kin be
nanufaktered from the produck NV a
ker Nv good land in a modrit year for
{
A high-toned shiYelrous ViIginian, ;
wenty years ago, he'd a female slave {
lich wnz ez black ez a CROW. and worth J