Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-03-29
l8lnGfqll9.

4 aeaeHAsr's advice IN selecting wife
was, Set hold Of piece Of calico that viii
rash.
| Iy some places out west the grass heppers
have destroyed everything but grass widows.
.YoryG man. do yon believe in future
state 2'' s.Tn course | tiuz and what's more,
I intend to enter 1t as soon as Betsey gets her
things ready
| KHEs you see man on corner on a
moonlight night, trying 10 convince his owu
shadow that it is improper 10 follow gentIe-
man, You may set him down as sign for a
vhiskey shop.
A ToCxG lady says: IF our Maker thought
It wrong FOR Adam 10 live single when there
was not a woman on earth how eriminally
guilty are bachelors. with the world full Of
pretty girls
4 xIsEElr ola farmer nho bad lost one Of
I his best hands in the midst Of hsymaking, re-
marked to the sexton az he was filing up the
grave: "It'= sad thing TO lose a good NOW
| er at time like this bat after all poor Tom
was a great eater.
A LITTLE Swedish girl was walking with
her father one night, under the starry sky,
iutently meditafing upon the glories Of Heay-
en-. At last. looking up 70 the sky, she said :
Father, have been thinking if The wrong
side Of Heaven is so beautiful, what will the
right side be r
DvsIyG the recent session Of the equal
rights convention, a strong minded female en-
tered a street railroad car. An old gent rose
to give her a seat but asked, tsBe you one
Of those women's Fighters p Il be ''You
believe a woman should have ali the rights Of
man - ayes l do Then stand up and
enjoy them Ike man. and stand mp she
did
a Hale girl, who had received tbe pater
nal injunction to remember what the minis
ter said, returned from the church delighted.
i remember something, she said.
All, very glad Of 1t, replied the father
what did he say 2''
He said, she cried, "a collection viii
now be taken mp
ANDERSON the wizard, met with Yankee,
who stole a march On him one day, after the
following pattern:
Il say, are yon Professor Anderson -
YES. sir, at your service.
'-Wa'all your a tarnation smart man aud
I'm something at a trick, too, kinder cute,
deu ye know.
"Ah, indeed, what trick are you mp to
asked the Professor, amused at the simple
fellow
'.Wa'all, can take a rtd cent and change
il into ten dollar gold niece =
Oh. that's a mere slight Of hand trick /
can do that too"
No you can't; I'd like 10 see you try.
''Wen, hold ont your paw with cent lying
in It. This is your cent, is it, sure ?''
Its nothing else.
Hold on 10 it tight-presto,-change.
Now open your hand
/ Yankee opened his fst, and there was a
gold eagle shining on his palm.
''Fa'all, you did it, declare much oble-
ged to you, and Jonathan turned to 90 out.
'siay, said the Professor. you may leave
my ten dollars.
''Yours!" war't it my cent; and didn't yoa
turn It into that yaIler thing, eh q Good
bye T. and as he left the room he was heard
to say, Il guess there amt anything green
about this child.
ACCIDENTS OF SPEECH.
Pat has long labored under the imputation
Of making more accidents with the tongue
than any Of his fellow mortals, bat it can Be
very readily shown that the bull is not nee
essarily indigenous to Irish soil.
A Frenchman named Gallon, who died in
| Paris not many years ago, was remarkable
for bovine tendency. There is a letter Of
his in existence as follows "My deares,
friend left my knife at your lodgings yes
terday. Pray send il to me if You find il.
Yours, CAIox. P. s.-Never mind sending
the knife have found it,
There is note to his wife, which be sent
home with basket Of provisions, the post
script TO which read: 'sYou will find my let.
ter at the bottom of the basket. If you should
fail to do SO, let me know as soon as posi-.
bic.
It is said Of this same character that on one
occasion be took lighted taper to find his
way down stairs without accident and after
getting down brought II back with thanks,
leaving himself at the top Of the stairs in the
dark as at first
1t vas Scotch woman who said that the
butcher Of her town only killed q half beast
at time
i was Dutchman who said pig had no
ear marks except short tail aud it was a
British magistrate who, being told by vaga-
bond that he was not married, responded,
"that's good thing for your wife .
AT prayer meeting in New Hampshire a
worthy laynnan spoke of poor boy whose
father was drunkard and whose mother was
a widow.
Alta Negro ball, Of not transferable on
| the tickets, notice was posted over the door
IN 0 gentleman admitted unless he comes
hisseIf
An American lecturer of note solemnly said
one evening, Parents, soa may have chill
dren, or, if you have not, your daughters
may have
\ Western editor once wrote "a CORES
pondeDt asks whether the battle Of Waterloo
occurred before or after the commencement
OF the Christian era. We answer it did. .