davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12
NO. l6:
An Original Income Tax.

The following is copyo a return for
warded to an Assistant Assessor in the
Seventh United States Internal Revenue
District of Massachusetts,:
"Deur SIR In acknowledging the re-
ccipt Of The blanks which you were 10 kind
that, however much may regret the fact,
it is nevertheless true, that my financial
standing docs not, and from all appearances
will not allow me to assist in lubricating the
wheels of the government. l cannot re
irain, however, from filling the blanks as
requested.
u have some little property, and although
not enumerated in the printed sheet, will
you allow me, if for nothing else than my
own qualification, to place them in my
assets:
''One little bay mare named -, (sound
and kind in all harness, stands without tying
and eats anything, and of but little value.
"A buggy, not yet paid for though good
| i9r several years (Itis now repairing)
~'l have also dog, five cats, and two
pigs, and thc6 6exes of the latter are equally
represented
Judging from the past, am free TO say
that if | keep the pigs through the sum-
mer, shall be obliged to call upon the
United States to assist me. do not know
how in the world | do get along, and am
happy only when | know that rich man
cannot enter the kingdom Of Heaven.
"Niy clothes are all second hand, and my
boots are about gone. No tailor has made
me suit for years; and since the publish.
ing of Income Returns was commenced, my
credit has been sadly shaken. Bu. being
poor, get hope and strive and work, and
wish, and, better than all, l am happy.
Find the man who pays his twenty thous-
and income, then como and visit me, and
judge yourself Of life among the lowly,'
and which is the happier.
when my boy grows up, | hope he may
excel his father in financial ability, ofwhich
no one who knows me doubts, and that you,
Mr., may live long enough to visit him
for many years to collect his income tax.
Yours, &c,
(Signcll - -
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12


ANY PRINTER CAN READ THls.-Wc
Ice saw young man gazingat the Try heav-
ems with I in ! cG.9H and - of pistols
in the other. We Ndeavored . attract his
attention by pointing "a 4 in paper We
held in our DEsap, relating young man in
that of the country, who had left home in
state Of mental Orange Mt. Hedropped
the + S pistol from his es8" 3d. with the
7 SIT is | OF whom U read. I left home
b4 my friends NJ Of my design. | had 50
the 1ss' of girl who refused 2 lisl0 . me,
but smiled b9ly on another. I--edmad-
" from the house, uttering wild . the
God of love, Il without replying . the?? Of
my friends, came here with the I s. - of
pistols, 2put a. my Xisl0cc.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12
Gen. Zee and the Sl,ern Va ~.

1t was stated II few weeks since that Gen
eral Lee had written letter iayoring rati
tica,on Of the Sherman requirements. i
appears now that he has written no such
letter. 1t has since been stated by letter
writer to the New York HeyaH and Cincin
natti CommcrciW that General Lee, in d
conversation with the writer regretted that
his views had been made public, but that he
had no hesitation in saying to his friend,
Yankee writcr?) that he recommend
I'll speedy restoration on the basis Of the
Military Law.
Unfortunately for those who were willing
to drag General Lee from his dignicd re.
tlrement, in order TO obtain the weight oi
his great name upon mere partisan Qucs-
ton, ii turns out that the reported letter
and conversations haze been manufactured
out Of whole cloth. The Richmond En-
QNicr has authority for declaring that
General Lee neither spoke nor wrote the
sentiments attributed to him, and, as a
matter Of course, the individual who started
the report in such an emphatic manner has
invented romance without foundation in
fact. 1t matters not what Gen. Lees views
arc he prefers TO keep them from the
world, and this attempt to drag him out is
an exhibition Of diplomacy suitable to the
spirit Of this tricky era, but unkind and
offensive beyond comparison-
The EaQairer, having branded the i'm,
posture concluded thus:
1--WE think General Lee is entitled to
have his wishes respected in reference to
such publications; and we think further,
that the -rcticeucc which he has imposed
upon hmse'i,-under all the circumstances
of his position, and from the dedication
of himself to duties aud pursuits the least
congenial with politics is digniiied, becom-
Ing and wise. We hope no journalist will
hereafter, under any stress Of difficulty in
maintaining himself, undertake to drag out
General Lee, and either knowingly or, as in
the late case, uuknowingly, declare lis
opinion
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

n- Mother" asked d tall gawky,
"what did you and dad used to do when he
came courting you? "Good airth and seas,
what put that into the boys head ? what do
you mean, Jebadiah2 "Well, I went over
to see Peggy lIaskins t'o,her night, and
she told me l didn't know how to COURT
l asked her to show ME, ani says she AK
your marM.' What did you do, mother?
la, SUI! why, Jcb we used to sit in the
corner and eat roast turkey" Good gra-
cious, times aint rs they used to be, mother,
sartin--thc only thing Peggy gin mo was n
raw pickle!
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

Quo roLIrlcs.-The Republicans OF
Ohio have been hunting all over the State
for candidate for Governor, and have had
no little trouble to find man willing to run
on their negro suffrage and negro equality
platform. They have at last succeeded in
inducing General II. d. Hayes, Of Cincin-
natti, to concent to be beaten. The Dem
ocrats Of that State are in high hopes, and
are organizing for grand struggle. They
xpcct to redeem tho Buckley State.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12
JOHN w. GEARY.
PREVIOUS I'are!OnS.

When Geary was inauguratcl Governor
he endeavorcd to attract attention by making
Il grand flourish about the pardoning power.
With much parade he announced certain
rules by which he said he intended to be
governed in all cases Of the kind. Whether
this was done to deceive the public as to
his real intentions is not definitely known,
but his conduct would lead to the supposi-
ton that it was. Since he has been govern
or he has made most reckless use Of the
pardoning power, not refusing in any in
stance to pardon numerous applicants Of the
Radical persuasion. In . number of coun
ties Radical offenders arraigned for crimes
and misdemeanors have produced previous
and been discharged upon them. AT the
last criminal sessions for York county no less
than four such pardons were exhibited and
the accused thus sheltered from the punish
mcnt they deserved. One of the rules vol
unterily laid down for himself by Geary, il
observed, would have prevented his grant.
ing any previous pardons. We argrec with
the Age in expressing hope that full
history Of all Of that character will be given
to the public, to show how Gcay sprcahoine
and practice differ. -Luncasier hiciHScncer.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12
For the Democrat
lyrics 6 { She SasGgICl,GEItl 10. IN.
DEATH or JAMES BRADY, CONTINUED.


Poor Brady Ill manslcl and covered with
gore,
Succeeded in reaching the Old cabin door,
An old man, who, hid himself during the
fight, -.
Here found the young captain in horrible
plight.
This old man was known Ly the name Of
Nancss,
lie tcndcrly cared for the young mans
distress,
IIo bound up lis wounds in the best way he
could,
Ye, hopeless that all would DO any good.
Now leave me, said Brady, It's useless to stay,
My He you can tSlYe, andmay throw yours
away,
For the blood-tlirsty redskins will surely
The crops to destroy and the cabin to burn
The o'd man cast on him one plying look.
And his white locks with meaning he
gently shook,
"Ill fight o'er your body and die BY your
BU.noycr will leave you" he nobly replied.
Then take me, said Brady, but thanks to
you first,
I'm raging with fever, Tn burning with
thirst,
The river S near by, take nc down to it's
brink,
Then bring me a cup of cool water to drink
The old man assisted him down to the bank,
Where large draughts Of water he hastily
drunk -
Zone favor ask yet, and then am done
Now go to the cabin and bring me
your gun.
"And see tha. i; IS loaded with powder and
lead,
| may yet shoot an Indian, before I a.n
dead,
LII fight with the redskins while God gives
me breath,
Ani may, in some measure, avango my
own death.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12
TO MY OLD UMBRELLA.

When angry lightnings crossed the sky,
And floods Of rain fell turiously,
Twas thee that kept me snug and dry,
My new Umbrella.
But, all too soon wire was snapped,
The cover fell and idly tapped,
The climax Of my pain was capped.
lll-stared umbrella
And in an elemental rout,
Thou vert, alas turned Inside out,
While idle boys set up Il shout,
AT thee, umbrella.
And now thou rcst in attic loft,
Thy whalebonc ribs are limp and soft,
Thy handles gone, thy beauty lost,
My old umbrella.
a should Il new one some day come,
I'll think Of thee resting at home,
And prize thee for thy service done,
Faithful umbrella.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

Isg' George Francis Train says our
modern marriage service should read thus
Clergyman Will you take this brown stone,
this carriage and span, these diamonds, fol
thy welded husband? Yes. VIII you
take unpaid milliner's bill, this high water
fall Of foreign hair, these ailectation accom-.
plishments and feeble constitution for thy
welded wife? Yes. Then, what man has
put together let the next best man run away
with, SO that the divorce court may teal
them asunder.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

S5" Capt. John G. Ryan, the 'mys-
tcrious prisoner" who was arrested and
confined in 1865 as the supposed John IL.
Suratt, is about to prosecute the Govern.
ment for false imprisonment,
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

ELOQUENT PASSAGE. The finest thing
Geo, y. Prentice ever wrote is this ininila-
BE passage
I'll cannot be that earth is mans only
abiding place. 1t cannot be that our life is
bubble cast up by the ocean Of eternity to
float moment upon its waves, and sink in
to nothiugness. Else why is its high and
glorious aspirations which leap ike angels
from the temple Of our hearts forever unsat.
isfcl? Why is it that the rainbow and
cloud come over Us with beauty that is not
of earth and then pass off to leave us to
muse On their lovlircss? Why is it that the
stars which hold their festival around the
midnight throne are set above the grasp Of
our limited faculties forever mocking us with
their unapproachsble glory? And finally,
why is it that the bright forms Of human
beauty are presented 10 our view and taken
from us, leaving the thousand streams Of
our affections to flow back in and Alpine
torrent upon our hearts? We are born for
higher destiny than that of earth. There
is realm where the rainbow never fades,
where the stars will be spread out before us
like the islands that slumher upon the ocean
and where the beautiful beings which pass
before us like shadows will stay forever in
our presence.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

Beg' MY dear young lady, exclaimed
gentleman, II am astonished at your senti-
ments. You actually make me start-on
my word you do" well, sir, replied the
damsel, "Ive been wanting you to start for
the last hour"
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12
Greeley Getting ELS ray.

The Ncnch author Of the play fiom
which we obtain ''tAo Serious Family and
the inmitabla Aminida5 Sleek has shown
that philanthropy is not always improbable,
but can be made, insome hands, exceedingly
remuneratiye. We perceive that the ln'-
juae has become the recipient Of the i'm
mense advertising patronage of our copper
head city Corr Grafton. This ''plWm' is
worth fifty or sixty thousand dollars a year
al the lowest calculation. The Corporation
is at the present indebted to the HERALD
to the amount Of over twenty-five thousand
dollars for past advertising; but although
the bill was contracted some time ago we
cannot get any money out Of them. 1t
seems tobc different with the Tribune. The
cOppclhcads Of the Corporation have been
entirely won over by Greoley's straw bail
bond for Jeff Davis, an old democrat and
rebel, and are pouring their advertisements
and patronage into his lap with profuso
iberality. The bail bond signed BY Greeley
for Jef Davis holds the former liable for
five thousand dollars If the chief of the
rebellion should run away and leave his nail
in the lurch, and if which is very unlikely,
Chief Justcc Chase should call upon him
to appear, Greeley would probably have to
pay five thousand dollars for his bond. The
fifty Or sixty thousand dollars bestowed upon
him by the admiring copperhcad Corpora
ton would well remuueratc him for his loss
&c. after all, Greeley has made good thing
ont Of his bail bond and his philanthropy.
lie has taken upon himself the very distant
chance OF being held liable for five thousand
dollars at some future day, and has secured
the substantial reward of fifty or sixty
thousand dollars in one year from the no
tolious Corporation of the city Of New
York. lie can we'll afford, on these terms,
to bully the marrow minded blockhcads"
of the indignant Union Loague.-Ac,o
York Herald.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

rSs5" A lady about to marry was warned
that her intended, although n good man,
was very eccentric. 'Wcll," she said, 'it
he is very unlike other men, he is more
likely to make Il good husband"
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

lsy- A LAWYERS ToAsr.-Belongins,
he said to the profession which had the rep
utation Of being fond Of fees, he would Of
fer:
Fee simple, and a simple fee,
And all tho fees in tail,
Are nothing, when compared 10 thee,
Thou best oil iees-ltmale
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

s63- 1t is stated that the Nench uvses
in Mexico will be SO delighted when 'Asas
ships arrive to take them hcme, that sAey
will unanimously so ia,o GaaseertA
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

TIE WILL OF 1HE DRUNKARp.-I die a
wretchcd sinner, and I leave to the world Il
worthless reputation, wicked example, and
a memory :only fit to perish.
l leave to my parents sorrow and bitter
ness Of soul all the days Of their lives.
| leave to my brothers and sisters shame,
and grief and reproach, Of their ac1uaint-
ances.
leave to my wife a widowed and broken
heart, and life Of lonely struggling, want
and suffering.
/ leave TO my children tainted name, q
ruined position; pitii'ul ignorance, and the
mortiiying recollection of father, who, by
lis life disgraced humanity, and at his pre-
mature death joined the great company Of
those who are never to enter the kingdom
Of God.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12
(Signcl)
our SnOlDs.

We have feathered-be knights and pop
Inlay patricians among us who send the
measure of their didgits TO Paris in order
to have kid gloves that will fit without a
wrinkle, and who, if they ever ate anything
as vulgar as gingerbread, would insist on
having tight. Some Of our paledins OF the
Most Noble Order Of the Silver Spoon were
born with that article in their mouths, 9th
crs have had it thrust between their teeth
accidentally. OF the two classes, the latter
are often the most iptolerable; but from
contact with either, may every saint Of gen
tlcnarly instincts protect all true gentle
men.
OF these last, thank the gods there are
more than enough in every walk cf life in
this country to countcrbalance the fuss-and-
feather gents" We meet scores of them
on the streets every day, and they may be
found trapping beaver on the outer edge of
civilization. Many Of them cant dance and
are equally SLOW at slang and small talk.
They don't wear "nobly' hats, nor laven-
der kids, nor fancy coats, nor consolidate
their shirt fronts with diamonds nor pro
claim themselves the he!ots Of Foppery by
wearing huge gold chains, but on their
fronts is written nan, and their calm and
selI-posses5od bearing distinguishes them in
society from the tailor patteru-carls and
jewellers showcases, to whom only their
fellow-fools and fops accord the title gentle.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

Eay' An English doctor sent in his bill
to a disconsolate widow, "for curing her
husband till he died."
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12
Learning "a Trade.

II was wise law Of the ancient Jews,
that the sons of even the wealthicst men
should be made to serve an apprenticeship
at some useful occupation, SO that in case
of reverse Of fortune they might have
something to "itllli fall back Hi1orr. .ffIe same
law still exists in Turkey, where every man,
even the Sultan himself, must learn trade.
How fortunate would it be now had it been
a law in this country would to God
that had q trade :" is the cry Of thousands
OF returned soldiers North and South, who
find themselves ruined in pocket, with no
immediate prospect Of gaining livelihood.
II Should teach parcuts that whatever else
they may give ;l.cir sons, they should give
t!Ieu tlade.
So far as the e.ueation of their children
in TIE science Of keeping proper accounts i,
concerned, the idea is good one as every
man should have a sufficient knowledge "a
manage his own books, shoall hc ever en-
bark in business, but 10 make book keepers
and clerks of all our boys is grand mis-
take, Hc.tcr place them i'll a work shop,
mill, or foundry, where they can learn .nlo.
pendent trades, which, at all times will Sc.
cure for them employment at any time,
and the pecuniary compensation for which
will be at least us much, ii not more, thau
the business Of account.
We earnestly advise all parents TO teach
their SONS trades, no matter what, so that it
is an industrious pursuit, and let Us in lu
ture be saved the pain Of seeing SO many
stout able bodied young men cut Of EN-
ployment, and seeking situations where the
pen only can be usc,.
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12

rE- The Chicago Police last week found
adrunken man in the gutter, in whose pock-
cts, when he was searched at tho station
house, were letters from Wendell Phillips
and Others, recommending him as tenn
peranco lecturer. His name was A. II.
Davis, >-s'
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12
MACHINE AND REPAIR SHOP.

THE undersigned would most respectfully an
to the pubic generally, That he is prepared
to execute all kinds Of MACHINERY. mt JOSEPH
sHARPLESS' FOUNDRY, in Bloomsbury, where he
always be found ready to do all kinds OF repair
ing. including Ihreghng Ma hines, ani IN short; nj!
kind, OF Farming Utensils. Also, TURNING AND
FITTING UP or CASTING AND MACHINERY,
done on short notice. IN good worhn!aGiike man
ncr, upon the most reasonable terms.
Ills ouy experience in the business. as foreman In
the shop OF Lewis II. Mans OF lhis phase, ior
nine years. warrants him in saying that ne can give
en'ire satisfaction 10 all who may i.voT Ian with
tnci, work
GEORGE HAsSERT.
EuuUsbuTg, Nov. u, 1866,
Bloomsburg democrat. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1867-1869, 1867-06-12
orFICEns or COAsIMBiA 60.

President JuJge--lIon. William Elwell.
Associate judges I'm Der,
proth'y and Cpk Of Courts--Jessc Coleman.
Register and Recorder G. Freeze.
Commissioners John +. Fowler,
Montgomery Cole.
Sherif-Samuel Snyder.
Treasurer--John j. Stiles
Daniel Snyder,
Auditors /. B Rupert,
John P. ilanon.
Commissioners Clerk-Wm. krioAbaum.
Commissioners Attorney--E Ii. Little.
Mercantile Appraser--Capt. Geo. W. Utt
County Surveyor A. Dewitt.
District Attrnncy- Milton NJ. Traugh.
Coroncr-William }. lkclcr.
County SUPERINTENDENT G. Rarkley,
Assessors Internal Rcyenue-R. I. Clark.
John Thomas,
.,.;.,,,, ,.,oo.,. s. b. Diemer,
1'''''''a' 'A''eSSo' j. II. keller,
j. s. Woods.
Collector Benjamin Il. Hartman.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1867-05-30

Mn EDrroR AS no one has given
solution to my problem, How 10 COM
Jnc finite factors SO as to proo1cc infa-
W ?-I presume The thing cahnot 'be
done mathematics. But does not the
popular'maxim, tor popuH roe Del in.
volvc the supposition that finite factors
may be so'combined as to produce infn.
ity? Men are like shecp-if enc goes
over the wall the rest will follow. II
five thousand people, Or five million, take
one man for their leader and oracle
they arc no more likoly'to be right than
he is. Bnt if they all exercise their
private Judgment and come to the same
conclusion, of course the probability is
proportionably greater that the opinion
in which SO many agree is correct.
In religion, and it was with special
rcfercaco TO this that l proposed the
problcm,-there are many who believe
that the Church. is mJaHiLle, though
every member is faHiJie. IF every
Christian were divinely inspired, in all
matters Of faith and duty, We should
have .thc infniIc factor, and of course
the infinite product. But if no one is
divincly inspired, the idea that the
whole church together is infalliblcin-
wolves the absurdity of supposing that
finite factors mgy be SO combined as to
produce inGnity; for iufallibility is an
attribute of The Inliuite Being
EVANG ELIST.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1867-05-30

creasing, and our taxes are growing
higher every year. Our local taxes are
no exception. The State taxi for this
Commonwealth amounts to S5,000,000
this year, against S3.7O0,o00 last year.
The rate of taxation in this city in the
same time has risen from S13 to 7 in
the thousand and the same is true of
all the cities and towns about US. The
remedy is in the hands Of the people,
a nd if they do not exercise it they have
ho right TO complain. But if they
think that we have enjoyed as much as
we can afford Of such luxuries, we call
upon them to kick over all platforms
built upon abstract dogmas, and choose
servants who will act for tbs best in
terests Of the country. We are on the
wrong track. Let us change our course
before the Ship of State is wrecked up
on the breakers dead ahead )"
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1867-05-30

SURRATT's TRIAL.--The trial of
John II. Surratt, on motion Of the gov
ernmcnt, was postponed until the 10th.
Of June, in order to afford time for the
procurement Of the attendance of several
important witnesses. United States
Attorney Carringten and Judge Pier
pont briefly argued in favor of postpone
ment. Several important witnesses were
absent. Efforts had been made to secure
them but without success. One was in
New York a second in Maryland a
third in Michigan ; a fourth an actor
who had gone to California. These
witnesses may possibly appear at any
day, New testimony and new facts
also had been recently discovered. New
developments had also been made in the
case. The prosecution would not like
to 50 to trial unless it was perfectly
ready and prepared. .
Judge Mcrrick replied, stating that
the counsel for defence had been dill.
gently engaged in bringing witnesses tC
Washington at heavy expense,-one
of them from Canada, another from the
extreme southern end of the Union. Ii
the case was further continued, or post
poned till next term, it would be impos.
sible to keep the witnesses here.
The court thought il would be well
to call the witnesses, in order to deter
mine whether some future day be sci
for the trial. .ag....
Judge'Pierpont moved that the case
be postponed until the 10th of June.
Mr.. Bradley opposed the motion, He
said the United States had had ample
time to have their witnesses for proseeu
ton here.
The court, after consideration, SAID
that the case would be postponed two
weeks from to-day, in order to affold
further time to procure the attendance
Of witnesses.