Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1867-04-25
srit and 9amur.

At Dutitr uncu 70 uos -TohhhOfs
Transported for life-the man that
marries happily.
What is the legal relation in which
tenant stands to his landlord ? In
loco pay-rent-is.
A man must have very bad opin-
ino of himself not to be willing to ap-
pear what he really is.
"None but the bravo deserve the
fair" No, and none but the brave
can live with some of them.
A country paper speaks of man
who ''died without the aid of ply
sicion." Such instances of death are
very rare.
Which is cheaper, bride or BRIDE
groom The bride; she is always Civ
en- away, the bridegroom is some
times sold.
Some irreverent person has discov-
cred that bald head is like heaven,
because there will be no more parting
or dying there.
The following is probably the worst
conundrum ever perpetrated: "Why
is a dogs tail like an old man? Be
cause il is in-frm."
A lady, playfully condemning the
wearing Of whiskers and moustaches,
declared: at is one of the fashions j
invariably set my face against"
What is the difference between No
abs ark and an archbishop? Noah's
ark was a very high ark, but an arch
bishop is hierarch (higher ark.)
"Young man, do you believe in
future state p "In coarse l duz; and
what's more, intend TO enter it as
soon as Betsy gifts her things reddy."
A shrewd little fellow, who had just
begun TO read Latin, astonishcd the
master by the following translations !:
Vir, a man gina trap. Vrgin, man
trap.
Which measures the most, the exact
distance of a statement that is "be-
yond belief" or the precise elevation
of the gentleman who was "above tel
ling lie 7"
"Charles, dear, now that we are
married, you know that we must have
no secrets so do, like a dove, hand
me that bottle of hair die; you will
find il in my dressing case"
Anunwashed street boy being asked
what made him so dirty, his reply
was: ~ was made, as they tell me,
of the dust of the ground, and | reck-
on it is just now working out"
A rural contributor says he has en-
larged his establishment, and keeps
head of oxen, head of hen, and
several head of cabbage, while he is
also trying TO keep ahead Of the
times.
"Pompey," said a good-natured gen.
tleman to his colored man, '1 did not
know till to-day that you had been
whipped last week" "Didn't you,
massa 7" replied Pompcy; I-Iknow-
cd it all de while"
A negro about dying, was told by
the minister that he must forgive q
certain darkey towards whom he seem
cd TO entertain very bitter feelings.
ayes sah," he replied, "but if l gifts
well, dat mig must take care"
The editor of an Eastern paper, a
cross old bachelor, says: "The reason
why women do not cut themselves in
two by tight laeing is because they
lace around the heart, and that is so
hard they cannot affect it.
A young dead-head the other day
asked the door-keeper of the "Panora-
ma of Bunyan's Pilgrims Progress, !"
if Bunyan was in. The door-keeper
refused to let him pass, as he couldn't
find his name on the free list.
"Why do you not admire my love-
ly daughter p said proud mother TO
q gentleman. "Because," he replied,
81 am no Judge of paintings" "But
surely" replied the lady, not in the
least Disconnected by this rude rehec-
ton, "you never saw an angel that
was not painted"
A wag after hearing a very insipid
dialogue between two noodles, ex-
claimed:
"As Dolly and DoEor were walking one day,
Says Dolly to Do1er, why, Doscr / say.
Well Dolly, what have you 10 say unto DoEerr
why, troth, said Dolly, 4 really don't know sir. .
Which is the amount of a good
many conversations.
Willow Grove, Montgomery coun-
ty "lady," thinking she had occasion
to thrash certain lawyer proceeded
to do so. By lucky chance for the
lawyer, the fair one made a mistake
and .hrashed a champion of the legal
gentleman. As a stick of wood was
used, the "companion" doesn't think
he was honored by the damsel's choice.
AT a religious meeting among the
blacks, colored preacher requested
that some one should pray. There
upon balf.witted Moses commenced a
string of words entirely without mean.
ing. AT this the pastor raised his
head and inquired Who's dat pray.
inf Dat you brudder Nose : Jest
hold on, brudder Nose, you let some.
body pray dat's better acquainted
wild de Lord"
b LOOK BEFORE You LEAP.-Mlddle
, Aged Uncle: "Not proposed to hei
! yet Why, what a shilly-shallying
: fellow you are, George. You'll have
that little widow snapped up from un
: der your nose, as sure as you're born
= Pretty gal ike that-nice little prop