Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1867-09-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

g Lovers, like armies generally get along
quiet enough until they are engaged
You may we'll despair of pairing a pear
with pair Of scissors.
Prentice says thatin his city stufing i'm
proves the fair as well as the fowl.
Troubles are like babies they grow big
ger by nursing. But babies are not, there
fore, always troubles.
Reader (! did you ever enjoy the ecstatic
bliss of counting? You didn't? Then you
had better get little gal-an-try.
MAY your whole family be damned in.
to one coffin" is an expressive Chinese
oath.
A woman who tickles mans palate,
has stronger hold on him than the wo-
man who merely touches his heart.
MATRIMONIAL bargain of which both
parties are soon tired, without ever con-
Tossing it.
RELIGION. Occupying pew in a gen
teel church, without paying the rent, and
abusing all other denominations.
When Tennessee girl is kissed, she
frowns and says: Put that article right
back, sir, where you took it fro NJ
Recipes for killing mosquitoes are nu-
merous. That which we have found to be
cheapest and most effectual is the sole Of
slipper.
"Mynheer, do you know what for we
call our boy Hans p s'Do not, really p
"Fell, [ will tell you, Der reason we call
our boy Hans is, it ish his name''
A radical editor cries aloud, draw the
lines "Well, Rad, pass one around your
neck, we'll draw it," says the cheerful
Prentice.
-'"Thou rainest in this BOSOM" as the
chap said, when basin of water was
thrown over him by the lady be was SER
enading.
ECONOMY. Buying something you don't
want, and can make no possible use of, in
order to appear fashionable, and stinting
yourself and family in the necessares of
life
Young limb of the Jaw lately married to
his wife Ny dear, here is to-night's pa
per [ am tired, if there is any news,
please read it. Wife-An exchange pa
per says: "The girls in some parts of
Pennsylvania are so hard up for husbands
that they sometimes take up with printers
and lawyers"
Little -"Oh, Buddy, I'm a-goin' to
have hoped dress, an oyster she'll bon
net, pair of eardrops, and a le-et-tl-e
baby p
Little Bub-s'The thunder you is I'm
goill to have pair Of tight pants, churn
hat a shanghai coat, shaved head, a
crooked cane and pistol p
''Sure," said Patrick, rubbing his head
with delight at the prospect of present
from his employer, Il always name to dc
my duty Il believe you," replied his
employer, ssand therefore [ shall make you
a present Of all you have stolen from me
during the year" Il thank your honor,
replied Pat; land may all your friends
and ACC uaintances trate you as literally 7
my son." said new Brunswick school
master to his son Bob one day, why dc
you stand there against that rickety Ole
gate while you study your multiplication
table p Because, sir, the Bible tells u
to prop gate and multiply, and I near
always to do what it says Quite right
Robert" said his father ..but it seems tt
me you are beginning early
The Bishop of Wurtzburg once asked
sprightly shepherd boy: "What are you
doing here, my lad y Tending swine.
How much do you get p Zone foril
week" II, also, am shepherd con
tinued the bishop, 'but have mucl
better salary THAT may be but then
| suppose, you have more swine under you
care,o innocently replied the boy.
What a queer fellow the Frenchma1
must have been, who for twenty years low
ed lady and never missed passing hi
evenings at her house. She became wild
ow. Il wish you joy !" cried his friend
'.youmay now marry the woman you hav
so long adored.'' 'Alas r said the poo
Frenchman, profoundly detected /; IAN
ifso, whore shall ! spend my evenings e