Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1867-08-21
L.ora MIthoat Nonssnse.

called her Mol for short. She wasn't
. tall, dark.eyed maiden, with clear,
transparent skin, and lips like cherries, 1
and cheeks sutused with bushes
She didn't have glossy black han,
sweeping back IN wavy tFeasea from her
queenly brow, and her form wasn't
bit like Hebs'S No, thsre was none of
those things, on the contrary, she was
short and thin, and had red hair and
| freckles, and she also sported snsggle
teeth and wore pads, but still she Was
right nice girl. And there was a
young man who fell in love with her,
and his name was Bill, although his
friends called him William when they
wanted to hurt his feelings, for he
| didn't like ID much. He wasn't hne
looking, and had neither curly brown
hair nor mustache Not much. Bill
laid himself out on soap locks, and wore
q goatee that he had dyed twice 8
week. 4
Now this Bill, he was in love with
Mary, but did he go and make delib-
crate ass of himself? Did he, say,
90 into . grove with her, and in the
soft moonlight, by the streamlet that
murmured sweetly by, and with the
tender zephyrs signing through, the
foliage. fall down on his knees, seize
her jeweled hand, and breathe his deep
affection in the tender accents of fond
attachment, and swear "by yon bright
orb above US, always to be thine!"-
Did he, / say! You can Just bet he
didn't. You can safely lay out your
whole revenue on that. William knew
too much about the price of pants to
go Topping around on the wet grass
with his good clothes on; besides, he
neYer cared anything about streamlets,
or any kind of cold water, except to
mix with his gin. No, sir; il was ex-
ceedingly strange; bat this infatuated
William met her at the alley gate, and
he stood right up On his old legs, and
says; Say, old gal, s'posen we get
hitchedf" "a,
But how did Moll behaved Did she
90 dropping to sleep over on the bricks
in dead faint, or did she hide her
gentle head on his shirt bosom to con-
! ceal her blushesl No, abe didn't; and
she didn't say, 81 am ever thine my
Flown love dear William !" Oh my,
: no. She locked right in his yellow
u eyes, and says, '.I'm in, Billy ! Pm the
! gal for these sort Of things. Gs in %
} And instead Of referring him 70 her
| father she only said, AWon't ths- old
y man bust right out when you tall him?
) Ha / hap and she laughed. But abe
|: ldiln't ask William to tnollify her fond
/ father. No, no. She very Eickedly
Z advised him to poke the old man IN
, the nose if he gave him any of mis-
: lip" She was funny girl. that Mary.
Now, the old man. wasn't wealthy,
flor he sold soap fat for a living, and 80
he didn't think Bill was nosing around
after his stamps % when Bill asked
him he neither ordered him fercsly
away nor did the dewy moisture gath
fer in his eagle eyes as he passed his
! homsstitched up there, and said 3
! ssBlessy0u my children, bless youp
Il Oh, no; nothing of the sort. he Just
blew his old red nose on his bandans,
and told Bill to take her along, for he
4 was glad to get rid Of her, 50 he was,
and William would be the same way
soon, for she was awful rough on yiet-
uals, and always broke plates when she
| got mad.
j So, you see, there really was no ne
eessity- for William to come ct mid
nights solemn hour in acab, and whis-
il tie three times on his fingers, and then
60 up, hand over hand, and bring her
down in one hand aud her trunk in
the other, and band box and an UNI
brella under each arm, and whole lot
Of bundles, and then get into cab
and fy to some distant shore. That's
i the way it would. have been ina novel;
but Bill said he wasn't on that lay; SO
he Just went out in the yard and, out
4 of pure joy, he skinned the cat three
or four times on the grape-yine arbor,
and then went and got his butcher cart
and drove Mary right down to the
magistrate, to get the, job done for q
quarter-foFhe said he was some on the
} low price, he was.
i But the queerest thing Of all was
that Bill had no tall, dark, 'rufianly
rival, with q sco1ling vissge and black
whiskers, who few at him with dag
ger and horse pistol IN each hand,
and q muttered curse upon his lips,
and cried wildly for Revenge. Hai
ha !" and said 'Sdeath 20 and ''Yillain,
thou diestp p Not any. There was
another fellow in love with Mollie, to
be sure, but he was 3 weak-eyed young
man, who had sandy hair aud wore
, spectacles and choker, and always
looked scared when yoa hoilered at
him. So, when he saw that Bill had
the best of the girls Affections. he
looked on serene, and said, go in
Billy, il you. banker for her - aud as
Billy was q trihe on the banker, he
sailed right in. fEL 4
So William, you see, had no trouble
. at all--and you couldn't get up an ago
nizing novel about him Il you tried
] He didn't have any urgent business
that called him to q foreign land 30 he
had to bid her fond goodbye, and
! swear always to be true aud then 60
away and forget her. aad, fall in love
with . dark-eyed Italian girl, picking
; grapes in q vineyard, with square
towel folded on her head, while his
forgotten and fersaken Mary gradually
faded and pined away, and bafned the
the physicians skill, aud grew palsF,
and at last. when the June roses wsre
in bloom, lying gently down to die,
while through the open window Aoat-
ed in the balmy odor Of iesssmiHe and
honey-suckle. And William didn't
come home at last, and, filed with
, deathless remorse, 20 daily to the
sweet eemetry and StreW flowers on
her grave, and teach his children TO
lisp her name. Not at all. That i the
way Mrs. Z. d. E. N. Southwcrth
!, would have done it, but she wasn't
around. Billy was butcher who wore
9 white shirt and 3 shiny hat. and he
stayed at home and killed beef and
sold it at Q big price, and he stuck to
Mary, and she kept healthy and Wasn't
much on the pine or the tada, while if
any fellows got 10 lurking around VIII
liam went right out and battsds them
in thoeye. He did urrJ -sI
Il And then, at last, when all was over,
Mary didn't sit in the room Rhile they
dressed her in white, and mixed orange
blossoms in her waterfall, and then
gently wentdownstsirs with six brides
maids at her heels, and stand up with
her William, and weep gently while
she Wss being married BY the minister,
and then get lots Of presents. ana then
20 to their new house, and live through
all the happy yeaFs with Billy. and
never know trouble or sorfoW any
more. Why. Of course, she didnit, for
liz wasn't her style, Jon Sec adI IA
i She Just rushed up stziFs and put on
II her mink muslin and her suu bonnet