The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1867-02-20


From the new edition, before referred to, OF
Jerrold's famous "Caudle Lectures" we make
another extract: aii3 y 'I3u95f'hL
MIR. CAULpLE HAS NOT ACTED like HUs-
BAND AT THE wEDDING-DINNER
s.Ah me! It's no use Westinghouse at all:
but do wish that yesterday fourteen years
could come back again. Little did think
Mr.. Caudle, when you brought me home from
church, your lawful welded wiie-little. saw.
did | think that should keep my wedding
dinner in the manner have done to-day.
Fourteen years ago! Yes, see you now in
your blue coat with bright buttons. and your
white watered satin waistcoat, and moss
rosebud in your button-bole, which you said
was like me. What? You neper talked such
n0nsenses Ha! Mr.. Caudle you don't know
what yon talked that day-but do. Yes;
and you then sat at the table as if your face,
as | may say, was buttered with happiness,
and-What? No. Mr.. Caude, don't say that
L have not wiped the butter ofi;-not r. If you
above all men, are not happy, you ought to be-
gracious knows. 4 -l. ..
eyes, L will talk OF fourteen years ago. Ha
you sat beside me then, and picked out all
sorts of nice things for me. You'd have given
me pearls and diamonds to eat if could have
swallowed EN-. Yes, say, you sat beside me,
and-What do you talk about? You couldn't
sit beside me to-day? That's nothing at all 10
do with it. But it's SO like you. can tspeak
but you fly Off to something else. Ha! and
when the health of the Young couple was
drunk, what speech you made then! twas
delicious How you made everybody cry as
If their hearts were breaking; and recolleQt
1t as II 1t was yesterday, how the tears run
down dear fathers nose, and how dear moth
er nearly Went into fit! Dear souls They
little thought, with all your fine talk, how
you d use me Hon. hare you used me?
Mr. Caudle. how can you ask that question
It's well ior you l can't see you blush Hoc
have you used me! 3 s-z5it9 Hgal
Well, that the same topo,le could make a
speech like that, and then talk rs it did to-day!
Ho,u did yOu talk? Why slamefuly! What
Old you say about your wedde happiness p
Why, nothing. What dia -ns say about your
wife? Worse than nOthin~i just as if she
We re a bargain you Were sorry for, but were
obliged to make the best ii What do YOU
say? And 6dd,s the bests IF you say that
again, Caudle, I'll rise froaa my bed. Y0u
didn't sag itF What, then. lid you say?-
Something very like it, know. Yes, pretty
speech OF thanks Tor a hlIsDAndi And every-
body could see that you didn't care a pin for
me; al that's why you invited 'em, to insult |
me TO their faces. What? made you inuite |
'em' , Caudle, what an aggravating man
you are! ifsi
Il suppose you'll say next made you invite |
Miss Pretoyman? Oh, yes; don't tell me-, her
brother brought her without your knowing it. 1
What? Didn't L hear him sag SOP OF e. nrse 4
l did but do you suppose I'm quite fool ? 1
DO you think don't know that that was all 4
settled between you? And she must be nice
person TO come unasked to a woman's house
But know why she came. Oh, yes, she
came t. look about her. What do Imean9-
Oh the meanings plain enough. She came to
see how she should like the rooms-how she
should like my seat at the fireplace; how she
and 1t 1t isn't enough to break mothers
heart to be treated oLhow she should like
my dear children.
NOW, It's no use your bouncing about
but OF course that's it; can't mention Miss
Prettyman, but you fling about as ifyou were
IN Ill. vi course that shows there's some
thing IL 1t. Otherwise, why should YOU dis
turD yourself? Do you think didn't see her
looking at the ciphers on the spoons as if she
already saw mine scratched out and hers
there? No, shant drive you mad, MIR. eau
die; and II l do it's Your own fault No other
man would treat the wife OF his bosom in
What do you say? You might as aveII hnpe
married hedyehOgS Well now it's come to-
something! But it's always the case! When
ever you We seen that Miss Prettymap, I'm
sure 10 he abused. A hedgehog! A pretty
thing for woman to be called by her hus-
band! Now you don't think I'll lie quietly in
ped, and be called a hedgehog-do you, Mr.
Caudie? at - = -
We'll, only hope Miss Prettyman had a
good DINNER, that's all. L had none! You
Know had none-how was to get any?-
GU know the only part or the turkey | care
Tor is the merry-thought. And that. OF course
went TO Miss Prettyman. Oh, saw Won
laugh when you put it ON her plate! And
you don't suppose after such an insult as that |
d taste another thing upon the table? No
l should hope have more spirit than that |
Yes, and you took wine with her four times. |
Wat do you say9 Only tnice2 Oh. YOU
were SO st-fascinated, Mr.. Caudle; YES, las
emated-that you didn't know what YOU
DID However, 1 do think while am alive 1 |
might be treated with respect at my own table |
l say, while L am alive; for know sban't |
last long, and then Miss Prett,man NAV |
came and take it all. I'm wasting daily, and |
no wonder. / never never saw ANYTHING |
about it, but every week my gowns are taken |
in.
I've lived to learn something to be sure |
Miss Prettyman turned up her nose at NV
cuStards. 1t isn't sufficient that you're ALWAYS
nndlng fault yourself, but you must bring
women nome to sheer at me at my own table.
what do you sayp She didn't tay,n up her
1osef L know she did not but what it's need
o lessuLrovidence has turned it up quite
enough tor her already. And she must give
herself airs over my custards! Oh, saw her
minclng with the spoon as il she was chewing
sand. What do you say? She praised nv
Rtana,pudding9 Who asked her to praise ii?
Like her impudence, think2
es, pretty day Pve passed. 1 shall NOT
forget this wedding-day,I think! And as 1
say pretty speech you made in the way of
thanks. No, Caudle, if l was to live a hun
pred years-you needn't groan, Mr.. Caudle, I
snail not trouble you bali that time--if 1 was
to live hundred years | should never forget
It. Never! You didn't even SO much AS
Dring one Of your children into your speecb.
Andmdear creatures what have then done
W onend you? No, shall not drive you mad
E,y you, Mr. Caudle, who'll drive me mad.
Everybody says So
managed that you and that Miss Prettyman
were always partners at whist? HOw acas II
mdndgedY Why, plain enough, az conrse
you packed the cards. and could emf what un',
liked. You'd settled that between Won, Yes.
anT when she took trick instead of Ieadin9
oH trump-she play whist, indeed ,-wba33
no you say TO her when she found it was
hould mistake! And this, Mr. Caudle. he.
ore people-with your own wife in the
DOM WV
And Miss Prettyman-f won't hold rsU
ongue aciH talk of Miss Prettyman! WHO
he, indeed, that l shouldn't talk of her? I |
oppose she thinks she sings. What do you
ayr She sings like a mermaid /? Yes, very, |
cry IKE mermaid; for she never SIMS but {
he exposes herself She might, think, have
aoSeh another song. Il love somebody in {
y, veu az II did not know who was meant
= .nn. somebody and all the room knew it.
nothing else. a' II was oohe lor
- MI. Caudle, as nv mind,s M ado |
p, shall say no more about tb a' rno.s MADE
light, but try to 60 to sleen. 'ie matter, to-
"And to my aston;.Lr .l .