The Wyandot pioneer. (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1853-1868, 1867-07-18
Rules for Courting.
BY JOHN GULL, ESQ.

, ~. BY JOHN QUILL, ESQ.
Having had much experience in
the science of counting. I have de-
termined herewith to lay down some
definite rules for the guidance ofmy
friends. You see / had many un-
successful courts before | met my
present wife-the females whom I
loved having gone emphatically
back on me- But bless you did it
harm me? No; it didn't l was ben
eftted thereby, und when I met my
present wife I knew the ropes, and
gathering up my affections, made
one fell swoop on Sallie's heart, and
the door thereof hanged wide open
and let me in. l will give you the
rules and shed the bunny light OF
illustration upon them from my own
life.
1. Never go courting the girls
parents. You'd better edge to the
charmer herself at once; for you
can't marry her if you don't try, un-
less she wants you and you may be
able to even if the old folks are hard
on you.
This was the last policy pursued
by myself in my last successful at
tempt.
2. BY all means get the girls ma
down on you as much as possible.
If the old lady is always blowing
against you, the little, dear begins
to take your part, and cant help low
ing you.
I did this way, and my present
mother-in law used to throw brooms
and wash boards at me, and teach
the dogs to bite me in the trousers
as I climbed the fence.
n. B. She's got over it now and
lives at my house without paying
board, If remorse testers in hel
soul in consequence Of her conduct
however, / have not noticed it yet
3. If you see any other fellows
prowling about always euchre them
if you can. you see one of them
buy tickets for the opera, go right
up and make an engagement. with
the girl and get your ticket after
wards and when they visit the house
always act as if you were at home
and they were only visitors, and new
er leave first. Ea
/ always did this, and have fire.
quently sat until day break, while
the fair one snored away on the sofa
You can't bluff me. No, sir, ha
ha! / guess not would have beer
there yet if the fellow had stayed.
4. If the old man has worldly
wealth, express dislike to green
backs and a hankering after love il
small house. -
5. If rou are alone in the parlo
you may sometimes try whethel
your arm fits well on her waist.
I tried this once, and called fortl
a piercing scream, which induced
her heavy father and two brother
to chuck me down the front steps
So be careful.
6. When you inquire if she will
have you, don't fall on your knees
it's ridiculous besides being rougl
on trousers. Just take her han'
and speak out like man.
/ behaved similarly to this female
and said ''Will you be mine ? she re
piled rather abruptly, "Not much,
won'tp' Its likely she would -hav
been a little timid, didn't car
about pursuing the subject any ful
ther.
7. When you are engaged don
go off like an old Jackass, and be
gin buying teaspoons and wash b
lers, and candies. 1t is very unwis
and excites comment.
I Why, I recollect, I was so gla
that l went right off and purchase
a baby-jumper and gum-ring. ]
was long while ere those thing
were necessary, and the baby -jumpe
had shrunk so that when we put th
first little Quills into it, it suddenl
jerked up, and came frightfully nes
battering the devoted child's brain
out against the ceiling while th
gum-ring, having been kept in bo,
with cockroach poison, end he {
was boy) had spasms in the cri
for four days.
s. If a girl refuses you, don
give it up, but try it again. Becaus
two negatives make an affirmativ
in gramar, however don't conside
yourself accepted when a girl jill
you twice.
I asked one female forty-or
times, and at last she got to expe'
it whenever / came, and sometime
would holler out No! = from the to
of the stairs before I got fairly
the house-This usual let me he1
remark.
8. Kiss all the children in hous
even if they are dirty and smear M
lasses candy in your hair. Let tt
boys play horse with you and mah
a fool ofyou generally. This alwa.
works. It's a trump card, if ye
play it right.
I Did that once, and used to g
l my friends to ask the senior girl O
every evening but she found me OF
!! and used to arrange hair pins in tt
D sofa cushions before she went O
e so that it was extremely uncomfor
able.
30 ga 7Y-t