The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1867-12-04
a. Remarkable Adventure.

a. Remarkable Adventure.
S Tie following story, incredible as it may
appear, snd- doubtful as it may be regard
ed by some people, is related il a North
ern paper with circumstantlality TThich
is well calculated to impress certain clas7
Of feadcrs with conviction of its truth !:
WAS travelling in africa, says the hero,
and one morning, :rined with my gun, /
entered q forest, thinking to shoot somo
game for breakfast.
Suddenly | beheld an elephant approach
ing, and SO terrified was / by the sight
that dropped my gun and stood trans
fixed to the spot. While shivering with
fear, the elephant advanced rapidly and
with his mouth seized my right leg at
the same instant ferocious lion bounded
toward me, and did the same office to my
left leg. Then a tiger leaped upon the
elephants back and closed his teeth like a
vice upon my right elbow, while yulture
simultaneously alighted upon my left hand
and seized me by the wrist.
Just as tile combined strength of the
elephant and the lion were exerted to raise
me from the ground, a huge boa constric-
tor made its appearance on the ground be-
fore my fright-distenGed eyes, and in a
moment thereafter had coiled itself about
my body.
My position, was horrible, and / at
length came to about the most desperate
resolution that ever entered the mind of
man L resoluedto sneeze
Yes, reader, to put in motion that Won
derful magnetic influence which runs
throughout animated nature, and binds all
created beings in one chain of mysterious
sympathy.
Such is sneezing
It's symptoms are of a highly magnetic
character. A fearful convulsion, shaking
the entire frame like an earthquake, darting
with the speed of telegraphic message,
from the extreme top of the nose all down
the backbone, even to the top of the feet,
and, above all, communicating sucha pow
erful sympathetic shock to all hearers,
that they are for the moment startled, and
frequently jump clean out of their seats.
Can. such an effect as this be produced
by other than magnetic influences? Ger
tainly not, and as came to this conclu-
sion resolved to test the efficacy of this
wonderful power to rescue me from my
complicated dangers
Accordingly, gathering together all the
strength that reposed in the various por-
tions of my elegantly. carved frame, ] sud-
denly sneczed with that terrific power and
artistic finish for which my family have
been distinguished from time immcmorial.
The effect was instantancous-mag
The forest shook with the portentous
sound, a violent CONFUSION seized every
one of my enemies and they all looscncd
their hold of me simultaneously. The
lion fell back with chattcring teeth, the
elephant likewise recoiled, as if struck by
cannon ball; the tiger fell off the ele-
plants back in strong conyulsions the
boa-constrictor shivered so fearfully as to
shuttle off the mortal coil he had wound
round me; and lastly, the vulture fiuttcr-
ed, with wild shrek, to the ground.
All this occurred in, as near as could
calculate, the fifteenth part OF second /;
/ failed not to take advantage of the panic,
and my various supports being thus re.
moved, fell to the ground and made off
with marvellous rapidity, breathing an in
ward blessing on the man who first invent
ed sncczing.
The consequences were just as I had
calculated None of the animals attempt
ed to follow me, as the whole of them
were for the moment completely paralyzed;
and when they recovered they became SO
mutually cnragcd at the escape of their
prey, that they began attacking each other
with great ferocity.
The vulture flew at the snake, who
wound himself round the elephant, who
crushed the tiger under foot; willie the
lion attacking all indiscriminately, struck
out right and left for dear life and cxpen-
siyc death.
Which of them first s'tapped the claret,'' y
and which hwas the last to survive, it is i'm
possible to say; but, according to the in
dications presented on the spot the next
morning, the elephant must have swallow
ed the vuturc and part of the boa-con-
stuctor, several coils Of which were twist
ed round the lion, and occasioned the
death of that regal quadruped, who had
bitten the tigers head off before depart
ing in peace. 1t was the most confusing
conglomeration of anatomy that l had
ever witnessed.
AN EDITOR SUED.-The editor of the
Muscatino Qowa) Courier was sued the
other day. Ho took it philosophically:
The dim rccesses of our dark sanctum,
says he, were Illuminated yesterday by
the rubicund viare of our friend Consta-