Litchfield enquirer., 1867-05-30

MTS. dShS very if bills before Congress are not counterfeit, why there should be so much difficulty in passing them.
 There is clergyman in East Boston who does not want any salary. His society has forced Sl ,500 upon him, but he manages to giveit back in different ways. Every seat in his church is taken. The Hon. Senator D. made bet of $10 with the Hon. Judge l.. that he could not repeat the Lords Prayer. L. accepted the bet, and began thus:
 'Now lay me down to sleep,
 pray the Lord my soul to keep;
 If should die before l wake
 ipray the Lord my soul to take."
 Hanged if I thought you knew it," said the senator as he handed the triumphant judge the Sl0.
 MODERN DEFI,ITIoNs. .-Water-A clear fluid once used as drink.
 Dentist-one who finds work for his own teeth by taking out those cf other pee pie.
 My Dear-An expression used Dy raan and wife at the comrcEcerleut of 8 Guar- rel
 Policeman-A man employed ny inc cor poration to sleep in tic open air.
 Doctor-A man who kills you to-day 10 save you from dying tomorrow
 Author-A dealer in words, who often gets paid in his own coin.
 A schcolnlaster tells tue following good one: II was teaching in a quiet country village. The second morning after my session, 1 had time 70 survey my surround lngs, and arIong the scanty furniture 1 es- ped threc-IeeSod stool. ''Is this the dunce L!ock:" asked g little girl of five The dark eyes sraIklcd, tie curls nodded assem-, and the lps rippled out, II guess so; tke teacher always sits on 1t.
 A call has been issued for state conven- ton of the Republican party of New Jer- sey, to be held at Trenton on Tuesday, June 4, for the purpose of discussing inn partial suffrage, and the duty of the party in relation thereto. Mass meetings in ia vor of universal suffrage are being held in various parts of the State.
 George Francis Train telegraphs from Platte Valley, in the far west, that he Is shooting at antelopes and wolves from a car window, going at forty miles an hour. :"
 We were ushered into a pew on Good Friday, in one of our uptown "high churches, and, taking from the rack Q book of Common Prayer" we opened it, and, to our great surprise, found inserted on the inner side of the cover, looking glass! This arrangement, we presume, en- ables the fair owner to admire herself, and adjust her chignon, during the service- Home JoundL
 Different nations employ different styles of courtship. The following is an Irish example:
 Patrick Biddy, darling, would yeez like new house, COW, pig, and meself Tn the bargain?'
 Bndget-"O Och, Paddy, don't be taxing me! lis the praste we're after wanting. :" The ex-Confederate soldiers and mariners elected as officers of the new Baltimore City Court have been sworn in under the new oath passed by the last Legislature, in defiance of the Constitution of the State. which omits all reference to sympathy with and aid and comfort afforded those in armed rebellion against the United States
 itro-glycerine Is cutting the Pacific railroad tunnel through the summit of the Sierra Nevada at the rate of fifty feet per week, and by midsummer fifty miles of road will be added to the ninety-four al ready m operation st the California end.
 A late arrival from Europe brings us in- tellgence of tie illness of Lord BrouCLam That venerable gentleman Is now in his elghty-nlnth year, and cannot, in the course ot natUFe be expected to remain much lop- ger among the living. He has, unfortnn- &tely, already lived long enough to Survive the honest and liberal Harry Brougham of other years.
 The falling of of incomes in New York is remarkable. Many who last year returned incomes ranging from 5000 to 5000 OOO this year return almost nothing. MT. Cla- fin whose income last year was something over half million, this year returned twenty-five dollars! Mir. Stewart, who gen. erzliy passes for a wealthy man, is still worse of. having no income at all.
 Two stories of Indian atrocities are ex- Plcded by last weeks telegrams. There has been no massacre at Fort Buford, and the steamer Miner has lot been captured. The painted savages are not always as bad they are painted.
 Santa Anna is living quietly al Staten Is- land He has cool nI!-ion n cash 10 con- sole him
 LSS O1SASHS IS FIctEi1iLE 2p eGtlTely new edition of all his works, which Is to be published thronGh Lis London publishers, Chapman & Hail, and is to be called the The Charles Dickens Edition
 Beecher gets 9, eco for Lis novel.
 Deacon Jonathan kingsoury, of Livonia station, Livingston county, has in his possession the identical sword carried by osneral Putnam through the revolutionary
 An Indiana correspondent writes that the N0nnecucat elections awake no sinple echo that State In every city where the issue "as purely political the Republican party maintains its position substantially,
 A Louisville editor attended a masoror ale snd his wife fell in love with b;n, When he removed his mask she was cnraJ The comments of The Brooklya Union on Ar. Beechers novel include the following: -'tNorwood falls bslJw h Beecher st: nd, ard, AOrwood one think Mir. Beecusr wrute 1t '"
 Edmund Currant, Of Southport, has with