The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-09-20
FACETIE.

"A htSe TOUR year Old girl IN Lowell went
up to her little companion the other day, and
throwing her arms around his neck, exclaimed
in mourntul tones:--"O, Rddy, | am going
away from you-away down East What
will you do without me l'' The little bow.
looking as grave as judge, replied with
slgh;-"Wel, don't know, unless | Jump
over the moon." This was beginning life early,
decidedly.
Young Idea Crying to shoot at the favorite
mark of the sex)-"Grandma, do they make
men like they do stockings l'
Grandma-Why, no, child What alb
surd questions you ask 20
Young Idea-"WeH, what made you say
this morning that Major Skittles was such a
well-knit mani"
Willie he sits in his little chair,
BY the freside, musing with brow of care;
WHAT'S he dreaming of. idle boy
Lesson or play, or cake or toy2
Willie has eyes that are bright and blue,
Lips like q rose in the morning dew
Sunbeams that glitter around his face,
Feet that are music about the place.
Sorrow and Willie walk wide apart
Life hath no sadness to touch his heart;
Nothing but pleasure his thoughts to hil;
What are you dreaming of, tell me, VIII?
"Father, o Fatherl wonder sore
Why Lizzie comes back to you no more;
Sister Lizzie they carried away,
over the hills that snowy day"
Mamma - "Charlie, l was very much
shocked to hear you singing Pop Goes the
Weasel in church,
Charlie-"Well, mamma, 1 saw everybody
was singing, and it was the only tune knew"
"A Frenchman, a stranger in New York,
stopped lad in the street, and politely said-
"Mon friend, watts re name of zis street Z"
"Well, who said it wasntl" replied the boy.
"What you call zis streetW
''0f course we do.'
''Pardonnes! have not re name; what's
you call him Y''
eyes. Watts, we call it,"
'Zis street Y''
'Watts street, old fellow; and don't you try
to make game OF me-"
"Sacre nom de Dieu! l ask you one, two,
tree, several times, often, will you tell me ze
name of re street, eh 2'
"Watts street, tell you. You're drunk,
amt you 2'
''Mon little fren, we're you live, eh '''
"ln Vandam street."
'Eh, Bieni You live Won dam street. and
you is Won - fool ~
And they parted, entertaining high opinion
of each others politeness.
The first day little boy went to school
the teacher asked him if he could spell.
''Yes, SIR"
"Well, how do you spell boy ?''
ooh, just as other folks do''
"A Milwaukee orator declared in a recent
speech that there were one hundred young law
students in that city who hadn't brains enough
to trundle wheelbarrow.
Ills the gorilla to be seen hereH eyes,
sir.'' 81 want to see him. every well, sir.''
''It is fifty cents, isn't it?'' Gone dollar, sir;
fifty cents for serUants." "Well, Pm a ser
vant." "Yoq a servant ?" eyes, SIR"
"Whose ?" Yours, sir-your humble SER
want" "Walk in and take seat; the joke is
worth the price of admission"
One exceedingly warm day in June a
neighbor met an old man. and remarked that
it was very hot. "Yes," said Joe, elf it
wasn't for one thing l should say we were
going to have thaw.n "What is that ~ in
quired his friend. ''There's nothing froze,"
says Joe. The man went on his way.
The national game of base ball is generally
supposed to be modern pastime, but Shake
speare would seem to indicate more remote
origin, for instance
7You base (foot) ball players" ."-Ledr.
s'Why, these balls bound. .''-Merry WiyeS.
-'iNow, let's have a catch. ."-I,Cetfth Night.
81 will run no base. .'-Merry WiUeS.
"And so shall catch the fiy.'-Henry Y.
"Hector shall have great catch. ."-1roH.
and CreSS.
0More like to run the country base."-Cym-
beline.
"As swift in motion as a ball."-ROmeo and
Juliet.
'Ne'er leave striking in the eld."-Henry
".
HAfter the scores '-AWs We'll.
"Ajax goes up and down the held."-1ro"'
and CreSS. 90
"Have you scored me 7"-OhelIo.
'He proved best man i the feld."- Corio-
ldnus
'The word is, pitch and pay.n-Hemy v.
''However men do catch. king John.
''What foul play had we r'-1emPest
''Unprovided of pair of bases. Titus An
dronicuS.
''No other books but the score. ."-Henry ".
''These nine in buckram. ."-Henrg ".
"His confounded base. Henry ".
81 will fear to ch.''-Timon.
'rWhat works, my countrymen, in hand
Where 60 you with bats and clubs H"-COrio-
LanUS.
''Let us see you in the feld."-TrOH. and
CreSS.
''The very way to catch them. - CoriolGnus.
MEN ONE WOULD RATHER Nor MERT.-Men
who tell stories that run into one another, so
that you find it difficult to get away at the end
of any of them.
Men who have quarrelled with all their rela-
tions.
Men who have been betrayed and abandoned
in the most heartless manner by all of their
friends.
Men who have been prosecuted and swindled
bya general conspiracy of everybody.