The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1867-03-20
TFrom London Punch.l
The Chignon Horror-A Secret Thin
in GreYarines.

The Chignon Horror-A Secret Thing
i'm GreXarines.
Uncle Tea.le. Fanny.
Uncle-Now, my dear Fanny, it isyour
birth-da Let me see, how old are
you'll Not yet arrived at years Of dis
erection, ehi Well, my dear, here is a
little present for you--a little scientific
instrument. Science.is fashionable now,
Won know. Here is microscope, to
study minute botany with-and ento-
molOgy.
Fanny-Oh, thank you, Uncle
Uncle-Entomology: science of insects
YOU know. Minute entomology, Of in
sects not visible to the naked eye. Mites
in cheese, for instance.
Fanny-Nasty, horrid things!
Uncle-Well, if you like better, d.
minutive water insects; the water flea
and the cyclops-and such. But / sup.
pose you would wish to eschew mites
mean not eat them.
Fanny-Oh, yes, Uncle.
Uncle-Then you should examine your
cheese. With this you can. There is
cheese-and there are chignons.
Fanny-"Chignons" and "cheese"
sounds funny.
Uncle-Yes, my dear. ALTERATION.
But cheese and cbignons have more in
common that Oh. However, you think
chignons are "the cheese" eh'
Fanny-Thcy are the fashion, Uncle,
dear.
Uncle-Yes, they are the fashion. So
were "fronts" in my young days. Both
false hair. Wise ladies then wore it be-
fore; now they wear it behind. The
handles of the day used, as they said, to
quiz it.
Fanny-Quiz!
Uncle-Yes. 1t was one Of their slang
words-derived from looking through
an eye-glass called quizzing-glass.
Meant to inspect, rs it were, and ridl-
Guile. Now, their successors, the swells,
oniz chignons. But you can quiz your
chignon yourself-with your micro
scope.
Fanny-Why should, Cncle'
Uncle-To see if it contains any gre
garines.
Fanny-Gregarines! Law, l should
think they were pretty.
Uncle-No, my dear, they are para
sites. Parasites of parasites.
Fanny-Now, nonsense, Uncle.
know whatiparasite is; zone who fire.
quents rich tables, and earns his well
come by flattery."-[Dr. johnson.
Uncle-"The little fleas have other
fleas, and smaller fleas to bite 'em.
Those smaller feas have lesser feas; and
so ad infnitum." Fleas are parasites.
But gregarines are not fleas.
FANNY should hope not. But what
are they, then!
Uncle-"Little dark brown knots
nv love, which "are seen at the free
end of the hair, and may even be dis
tinguished by tho naked eye. These
are gregarines:" They are the discov-
cry of ". Linkemnn, Russian pro-
fessor, whose country has doubtless at
forded him fine field for observation
in this branch of zoology.
Fanny-Zoology. Uncle?
Uncle-Yes, my dear. These little
dark brown knots are not inanimate OBJ
jects.
Fanny-Ugh!
Uncle.They shave most iguoble
ancestry and habitation, being found in
the interior Of
Fanny-What
Uncle-Never mind. They are, as !
said, parasites of parasites. "They are
not easily destroyed. They resist the
effects of drying and even boiling"
Nothing, in short, but corrosive things
that injure the hair, will kill them.
Fanny-Oh, the horrid things! oh,
the abominable, dreadful, disgusting
creatures!
Understanding to NJ. Lindemann,
seventy.six per cent. of the false hair
used for Chignons in Russia is infested
with them.
Fanny-That's enough, Uncle.
Uncle-In the conditions of ball
room, he says, they grow and multiply;
fly about in millions, get inhaled, drop
on the refreshments-in fact
Fanny.-Oh, Uncle, don't say any
more, please. Stand ont of the way
from the CRATE do. l wont wear the
thing another moment. (Tsars of her
chignon.)
Uncle-Stay; wouldn't You like to ex-
anime it' r. -.
Fanny-No! There! Filings 1t into
the fire. There's an end of it!
kUncle-And its inhabitants. Well
done, Fanny! Let it blaze-with them.
And now, by way of substitute for
the chignon at your poll. to wear a
chaplet, circlet, or whatever You call it,
on your crown; here, take this bank
note. Now you will show that You
have taste of your own, and leave gre
garious young ladies to wear chignoas
with gregarines.
Scene closes.
The New Regulations,
Soon to be issued to Postmasters, con-