The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-03-18
sIRs. cAUDLE,s LECIuREs.
Mr.. CaudIe has LentFIve Pounds TO


[ Mr.. Candle has Lent Five Pounds TO n
Friend.
"You ought to be rich, Mr.. CaudIe.
1 wonder who'd lend you five pounds ?
But so it is; wife may work and
may slave! Ha, dear! the many
things that might have been done with
hve pounds As II people picked up
money in the street! But you always
were fool, Mr.. Caudlel Pve wanted n
black satin gown these three years, and
that five pounds would have entirely
bought it. But it Is no matter how L
go-Rot at all. Everybody says
don't dress as becomes your wife-aud
l DON'T bot what's that TO you, Mr..
Caudle? Nothing. Oh, MOI you can
have fine feelings for everybody but
those belonging to you. ! wish people
knew you as 1 do-that's all. You like
to be called liberal,-and your poor
family pays for it.
''All the girls want bonnets, and
where they're to come from 1 can't tell.
Half five pounds would have bought
'em; but now they must go without.
OF course, they belong to you; and
anybody but your own t1esh and blood,
Mr.. Caudle! -a-a arar
10 day but i should like to know how
people are to pay taxes who throw
away hve pounds 10 every fellow that
ask them?
"Perhaps you don't know that Jack,
this morning, knocked his shuttlecock
through the bedroom window. was
going to send for the gIazier to mend it !;
but after you lent that five pounds /
was sure we couldn't afford it. Oh, no!
the window must go as it is; And pretty
weather 1t is for dear child to sleep
with broken window. He's got a
cold already on his lungs, and I
shouldn't at all wonder if that broken
2 n a IN GEaNN led l.
dies, his death will be upon his fathers
head; for am sure we can't now pay
to mend windows. We might though,
and do good many more things, too,
II people didn't throw away their i've
pounds. H-....l .lll..
Next Tuesday the fire insurance Is
due. should like to know how it's TO
be paid? Why, il can't be paid at all!
That five pounds would have more-than
done it, and now, insurance is out OF
the question. And there were never
as many fires as there are now. shall
never close my eyes all night-but
what's that to yon, so people caA call
you liberal, Mr.. Caudie? Your wife
and children may all be burned alive
in their beds-as all of US to a certainty
shall be, for the insurance must drop.
And after we have insured for so many
years! But how, L should like to know,
are people TO insure, who are TO make
AANA9 anu hAdhG8 OA lhtAE A4Nh NAAAA4luss
II did think we might go TO Margate
( this summer. There's poor little Caro-
line, Pm sure she wants the sea. But
no, dear creature! she must stop at
home-all of US must stop ut home
she'll go into consumption, there's no
doubt of that, yes, sweet little angel
I've made up my mind to lose her, nor.
The child might have been saved; but
people can't save their children and
throw away their five pounds too.
wonder where poor little Mopsy
is? While you were lending that five
pounds, the dog ran out of the shop.
you Know never let IL go into the
street for fear it should be bit by some
mad dog, and come home and bite all
the children. 1t wouldn't now at all
astonish me if the animal was to come
back with the hydrorhobia, and give it
to all the family. However, what's
your ia mlIy toyou, so you can play the
liberal creature with five pounds?
do you hear that shutter, how IT'S
banging TO aud fro? Yes, I know what
il wants as well as you; it wants new
fastening. l was going to send for the
blacksmith today, but now its out of
I the question: notp II must bang of
nights, since you've thrown away five
pounds.
"Ha! there's the SCOT falling down
the chimney If 1 hate the smell of
anything, it's the smell of SCOT. And
gOu hhOW AZ OuN MndI are my IeellnRS
to you? StDeep the chimney! Yes, it's
all very fine TO say sweep the chimney;
but how are chimneys to be swept
how are they to be paid for by people
who don't take care of their five pounds?
do you hear the mice running about
the room? hear them. II they were
to drag only you out of bed il would
be no matter Set a trap for HeiRi Yes,
It's easy enough to say set trap for
'em. But how are people to afford mouse
traps. when every day they lose five
pounds7
"Hark! I'm sure there's a noise
downstairs. II wouldn't at all sur
prise me if there were thieves in the
house. Well, it may be the cat, but
thieves are pretty sure 10 come in some
night, There's a wretched fastening to
the back door; but these are not times
to afford bolts and bars when people
won't take care of their five pounds.
MARY Anne ought to have gone to the
dentists Tomorrow. She wants three
teeth taken out. Now il can't be done.
/ Three teeth that quite disfigure the
child's mouth. But there they must
stop, and spoil the sweetest face that
ever WAS mude- Otherwise, she'd have
( been wife for lord. Now, when she
( grows up, who'll have herr Nobody.
| We shall die and leave her alone and
unprotected in the world. But what do
! you care for that? NOthingi so you can
] sluhuueE AWAY uNe pOunOs.
/ And thus" comments Caudle, "ac-
cording TO my wife, she-dear soul!-
couldn't have a satin gown; girls
couldn't have new bonnets; the water
rate must stand over; Jack must get his
death through a broken window; our
I, fire insurance couldn't be paid, so that
we should all fall victims to the de-
! vouring element; We couldn't go TO
Margate, and Caroline would go to an
early grave; the dog would come home
and bite us all mad; the shutter would
go banging forever; the SCOT would al
ways fall the mice never let us have a
wink of sleep; thieves be always break
ing in the house; our dear Mary Anne
be forever left an unprotected maid
and with other evils falling upon us,
all, all because would go on lending
five pounds -
The Weather and the Fashions in New
YOrk--SOmeIhInEI 20 Commend and
Something 20 Condemn.