Smyrna times., 1867-08-28
MIS- SCELLAN EOUS.
How Ben Purtle Got His Wife.

HOW pen furJl6 G0L his WIG.
The very climax of ugliness was Ben Purtle
He was red haired and each hair stood as If
it cherished the Supremest contempt tor its
next neighbor. His face was freckled as the
most bcspOtted turkey egg. His nose suppOr-
ted at the bridge huge lamp, while the end
turned viciousy to one side. His mouth had
every shape but pretty shape. His form
was ugly. The very climax of uglness was
Ben Purtle. What was still more strange,
Ben had a handsome, bouncing, blooming
wife-such as can only be grown upon coun-
try farm.
:" low in the deuce" said to Ben one day,
" did you ever get such wife, you uncouth,
misshapen quietnessence of mOnstrosityY"
Ben was not at all offended at the imperti-
nence of my question, and forthwith proceeded
to solve the mystery thus
"Wel now, gals what S sensible ain cotch-
ed by none of your purity and hltalutln alrs;-
I've seen that tried NOR than once. You
know Kate was always considered the purtlest
gal in these parts, and all the young teliers In
the neighborhood used to try to catch her
Well, used to go over to old Sammy's too,
Just to kinder look on, you know, and cast
sleeps eyes at Kate. But la sakes had no
more thought that could get Kate than a Je-
rusalem cricket could hide in the hair that
wasn't on Sammy's bald head-no stree. But
still | couldn't help going on. My heart
would kinder futter, and my ears would burn
all over, whenever | d 60 to talk to Kate
| And one day when Kate made fun of me like,
! it almost killed me sure. went home with
something like rock jostling ABOUT my breast,
and swore I'd hang myself with the first plow-
line found.
did you hang yoursef?" l asked.
NO daddy blazcd out at me for not tax
ing Ball to the pasture in the morning, and
scared me so bad forgot it.
"Well, one Sunday morning I | reckon IT
was about a year after the hanging ldea) |
got up and scraped my face with daddys old
razor, and put on my copprus brltches, and
a new linSey coat nanny had dyed with sas
safras bark, and other 6xens, and went over tc
Uncle Sammys. Now, I'd got to loving Katy
like all creation, but I'd never cheeped to any
body about my feelings. But | knowed L wa:
on the right side of the old folks.
well now, amt it quar-" continued Ben
after short pause, during which he rolled hi
quid to a more convenient place in his mouth
how a fcler will feel sometimes Something
seemed to say as went along, Ben Purtle
this is a great day for you, and then my hear
jumped and tluttered like a jay bird IN trap
And when | got thar and seed Kate with he
new checked humspun frock on, L rally though
j should take the blind staggers:
"Well, | found the order of the day was t
| 90 muscadine hunting. Joe Sharp and hi
. two sisters and Jim Bol0s was thar. d know
I ed for long time that Joe Sharp was ngh
a after Kate, and hated him wus than no
: hates to find his way out of taterpatch; bu
| didn't let on. Sharp had on his whit
! britches and fine shoes, and broad cloth coat
! He walked with Kate and you ought to hav
i seen the airs he put 1t was Miss Katy this
and Miss Katy that-and all such nonsense
, flor a Tuh we W
I, y had to cross on a log, and I'd notion to pltc
:, the sassy, good for nothing into the water
"Stop, never mind" said Ben, giving me
v nudge :" Providence done that all up brown
h Nothing would do but that Joe Sharp mus
e lead Miss Kate across first. He jumped o
r. the log in high glee, and took Katc'S hanC
st and off they went. just as they got hali-wa
'e across tarnation big bull-frog jumped oft lnt
d, the water. You know how they hollcr-
'e Snake i screamed the blasted fool, and juml
r; ed back and knocked Kate off up to her wal
ID in the nasty, muddy, black water. And VIII
le do you think he done? Why, he run bacl
1e wards and forwards hollern tor a pole to he
=. Kate out of the water with. Kate looked
or me, and could stand it no longer Curchu
q lit ten feet from the bank the first jump, al
CT had Kate out of thar in no time. And thin
Is if the scamp didn't come up after we had 6
out and said: -. .,
Are YOU 0urC, MISS Nh(y
m "My dander was up-l couldn't stand it
| told him to 60 and look for that snake. n
tx and Kate dut out for the house. When '
ii. started off Kate said:
lti 90 Ben, Just let me hold on to your arm, \
ng knees feel sOrter weak.
mt "Great jimminy felt so quar- when s.
,r- tuck hold. | tried to say something nice, b
lst my drotted mouth wouldn't go off any how;
We But felt as strong as an elephant, and hel
of ed Kate along. Bimeby Kate said
=, GO Ben, that Joe Sharp is good -for-not
nd ing, sneaking, cowardly nobody, and if he ev
to puts his head inside our house again, "
en- souse him with dish water, sure.
ng {" / tried to say something again, but CT
sct the luck, ! couldn't say nothing but squee
m Kate hand and sigk like cracky bellus
tx 1--WE had got clean out of sight of the ot
rto ers, and Kate says to me:
'ri- "' Ben, feel that you are my protect
I'VE and believe daddy right when he says you
'ed worth all the rest Of the boys in the neighb
ara hood
cry Ben Purtle, says I, this is great
hat for you, and made a tremendous effort
oW get my mouth off again, and out it popI
sure enough.
GO Kate, says l, trembling all over, l l.
'er- you to distraction, and no mistake. I've ]
res, ed you long and hard. My heart has been
ken most broke for two years. and now | want
to say right straight up and down whether