Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1867-07-30
MISCELLANEOUS.


VOLUNTEER DRILL FOR SINGLE MEN,
Fall an love with some good and industrious
woman. Attention pay to her faithfully and
respectfully Right face in popping the
question, like man. Quick march to her
parents, and ask their consent. File Right
with her To church, and go through the SER
vice OF matrimOny. Halt aud reflect serious
y upon the new duties which you have as
sumed, and then perform them. Right about
face from the, haunts which you freouented
when single, and prefer your own home
Advance GrmF to your own wife when out
walking With her. and never leave her to
trail behl2 Break OF staying out at night.
and 9t5s habits, ii you wish to have a
eysPaper correspondent, writing
ern city, says: In the old flush
niger on river boat accosted
10y with an inquiry usual at that
gu belong to 2"
sir" answered the boy.
you know ?"
me aboard b'longs to Massa
ht last night he went me on
par, an de clerk on de boat he win
sa kunnel Sniff he beat de clerk on
an he had me last so dunno mas
biShg to till the game closes"
Pston journal says that a gentleman
az pwn buried his sixth wife last
efter the funeral he met the
hciated, and offered him
lnback.
hlsts<declined to take it, saying he
accustomed to accept pay for such
gentleman coolly replied: ssJust as
but that's what I've been in the
pying."
What do you call this?" said Mr.
Smith, gently tapping his breakfast
Call it 2? p, snarled the landlady, ''what do
well, really, said Smith, reflectively, 81
don't know, There is hardly enough hair in
it for mortar, but there is entirely too much
If it is intended fSr hash"
"A young lady the other dav, in the
course of lecture, said Get married.
young man, and be quick about it too Don't
wait Tor the Millennium, hoping that the girls
may turn to angels before you trust Yourself
win one OF them. A pretty thing you'd be
along side an anSel, wouldn't you-you brute?"
"A cOuutryman, not long since, on his
thought it was the devil on Wheels" s.Faitb
an ye're worse than myself" said an Irish
by-stander, ''fOr the first time saw the cray
thur, thought it was shame boat hunting
for wather"
The editor in Missouri who announced
one week that the wife crop in his county
had reached 1900 gals, the next week cor
rected his statement by saying, for "wife"
read swine" the gals being an abbreviation
of gallons.
Our light is like candle; every wind
OF vain doctrine blows it out, or spends the
wax, or makes the light tremulous; but the
lights OF heaven are fixed, and bright, and
shine forever.
- A tender conscience is an estimable
blessing; that is, a conscience not only 0uick
to discern W hat is evil. but instantly to shun
1t as the eyelid closes itself against a mote.
Take ticket, sir, for the benefit of the
widows and orphans fund society ?" well
yes, don't go so much for the orphans. but
go 1t strong for the widows"
The great tabernacle of the saints ut
Salt Lake City Is now finished. It is $50
feet wide. and furnishes comfortable sitting
room for 10000 people.
HI oIedch OF promise suit at San Fran
cisco, one OF the witnesses testified 81 live
with my husband when he is at home, but he
never is at home
Question to a working gardener: ssOf
all your trees, which yields the most fruit ?"
Says he, ''Sir, the best fruit comes from nv
LRdWStrcc"
- The man who has nothing to boast of
but his illustriOus ancestry is like a potato,
the on y good belonging to him is under the
ground.
Why are young ladies generally bad
grammarians? Because few of them are able
to decline matrimony.
Don't you mean to marry. nv dear
SIR! $40 my dear widow, I'd rather lose
all the ribs I've got, than take another one.''
= Human glory is not always glorious
The best men have have had their calumnia-
tors, the worst their pancgyrists.
Our sorrows are like thunder clouds.
which seem very black in the distance, but
grow lighter as they approach.
A man loves when his Judgment ap-
proves; wOman's Judgment approves when
she loves.
Vows made in storms are forgotten in
Gains.
Who keeps company with wolf will
learn to howl.
Without duty, and its idea, there is 20
sOIidity in virtue.
Good impulses are naught unless they
become actions.