davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

What King is most disliked by the ladies
Smo- king
What tune is most dsliked By the ladies'
Spittoon.
What would be likely to give the best re-
port ofa FIRE? A powder magaiine.
Wait for others to advance your interests.
and YOU will wait until they are not worth
advancing.
"Prsy, madam. why do you name YOUR
old hen Macdutf?"
Because, sir, want her to lay on
Il IS no faiery to give friend due
character; for commentator is as much
the duty OF friend as reprehension.
what is the difference twixt watch and
fedder bed, Sam?
"Dunno-gin itup.'
Because de tickin Of the watch is on de
inside, and de ticking Of de bed ON de oct
side
Why is man ascending yesuvius ike
an lrishman trying to kiss 3 pretty girl?
Because be wants TO get at the craters
mouth.
The kindness OF friend lies deep; and,
whenever present or absent, as occasion
serves, he is solicitons about our con.
Germs.
The man who has got into the habit Of
bowing to nearly everybody he meets may
be pretty safely set down as nodd fsi-
loic
II wonder" said Scotch maiden. "wbat
my brother John sees in the lasses that he
likes them sac weel. For my part, | wal
nae gie the company o one lad for twen,y
lasses.a
There are men who think themselves
shrewd, because they are able to overreach
other men in trade. Ii they could Ere
themselves as others see them. ,hev wenld
be shocked to see how nearly they are clsss.
go with pekpockets and olher rugue,. Who
ahly take q different. but not less ioaorab!s
means to obtain money.
1t is the almost universal Testimony
of the New York dairymen thai -:
~..s, or a cross oi the native and
foreign. are the best for dairy COWS.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02
Sgaheney Endorses Mason.

It will crafty Charles Mason, the
Copperhead candidate for Governor
of Iowa, when he learns that Dennis
Mahoney. the man Who ran the Du-
buque Herald through the war, he
thinks him emphatically q demo-
crat," that during the dark days of
the war he was a consistent. actice and
recognized democrat and that the
democracy have honored themselves
by his selection"
The people OF Iowa know what Ma
honey means by a :" democrat" They
can also understand what he means by
saying that Mason was a s consistent,
active, and recognized democrat" dur
ing the war Mahoney got himself
arrested for his consistent and ac-
tive" support of the traitors, and when
he reached Washington Mason was
his warmest sympathizer. When Ma
honey tells us that Mason was a 'srec.
oguized" democrat at that time he
means. and he knows, too, that Mason
was on the side of the rebels, and was
known and recognized by them as one
Of their consistent and active par
tizans. Tha: is exactly what Maho-
ney means. We do not know precise
~ What Mason did to demonstrate his
consistency aud activity. We know
much that he said and wrote about
that time and since. And we should
think it strange if man whose words
were so disloyal did not act out his
apparent purposes. Mahoney says he
was consistent" was active" and
recognized as democrat after the
manner of traitors. The fair presump-
tion is that Mason was in Washington
to give aid and comfort" to his re-
bellious friends, and that he did it
Burlington Haekeye.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

About forty years ago there lived
in Western PENNSYLVANIA two farmers
named Wood and Osborn, respect
lively. They we're near neighbors but
inveterate enemies; and it is said
they lived almost in sight of each 9TH
er for fourteen years without speak
ing to each other. Wood one dav
went out with mattock to dig up
half dozen stumYs. that had never
Yet been removed from his meadow,
but finding it pretty hard work, and.
moreover, not being very fond OF
work, he gave it up and returned TO
the house. On the way, it occurred
to him that, by a cunning device, he
mightinduce his unfrienely neigh5or to
uproot the little annoyances. Acting
on bright idea that occurred to him,
he entered his house, got his writing
materials, and, in disguised hand.
wrote:
s'MR. Woop: | am an old man.
fast approaching NY end. and l can
not go to my grave without revealing
to you secret. When | was a
Young man | help to rob your grand
father of "a large amount OF money.
| and my partner in crime buried
five thousand dollars of it under the
roots of a tree in the meadow that
now belongs to you. No doub, these
trees have been cut down bv this
tine, but the stumps may still remain.
He was soon after hanged for murder
he committed, and | was sent to pris-
on for highway robbery. l was but
lately released, and / wish, to do all
| can to atone for past misdeetls.
send this letter by person who SAYS
he knows where You live, and he will
throw il into your house.
"A RErENTaNr CEIMISAI.-
Mr.. Wood sealed this bit of fiction.
addressed it to himself. and, when
night came, creeped stealthilv to Os-
born's door, opened it a little way.
tossed ii in. and ran away as though
Satan were after him. On reaching
home he retired to rest. and reposed
sweetly till morning. When he rose
he cast a glance toward his mea low.
and, TO his satisfaction, discovered
that every stump in his meadow had
been dug up during the night and
pulled ont BY the roots. After break
fast he went coolly to work and rolled
them together in pile. in order to
burn them. And imagine Osborne's
bitterness Of heart as he passed BY on
his way to the village that morning,
saw Wood thus engaged, and knew
bow he had been duped by him.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

James Russell Lowell's house in
Cambridge is upwards of a century
Old. Il was used as hospital hv the
American army at the siege of Bos-
ton. The grounds embrace thirty or
forty acres. out on the edge of the
town, and are mostly "in grass as
the farmers say--that is, he cultivates
little else than hay. The house is a
square, old-fashioned, three-story
frame. with fat roof, and painted
yellow. You enter by broad hall
with low ceiling, from which as
cends . vide stairway with short step.
The parior is on the right-hand side
as you 90 in on the other side is the
reception-room, and back Of that the
poets study, ia gentleman friend.
Lowell will greet you with the re-
mark II can give you pipe or a
cigar, whichever you prefer For
himself. Lowell generally prefers a
pipe. Feis great smoker, and his
mec.sc. 1nm "colors beautifully" )"
This place which was worth probably
$50. 900 was Lowell's birthplace. and
where he has all his lite resided,
though he has travelled considerably
in foreign lands. "Why don't YOU
write more - friend asked him on
one occasion. ''rm to lazy" said
Lowell 81 don't care enough for
fame-I wish DID care more.
The New York Ecsning Gazette,
in some pleasant gossip about Mr..
Longfellow, tells fresh story Of the
way he treated the charges Of plagiar-
ism against his Indian poem, Hiawa-
tha. When they began to appear he
showed a profound indifference on the
subject, but before long his publisher
thought best to call his attention to
them, and suggested that reply from
The poet should be written. 'Well,
III think about it." said Mr.. Long
fellow, and there the matter was drop
ped. The press continued to still
echo and re-echo the charge; and
the publisher again called on the poet
saying. ''Really. Mr.. Longfellow,
think it is high time this charge was
answered" Again Longfellow said.
''I'll see about it," adding, quietly
" how is the book selling:" "Oh,
xonderfnlly WE'LL" said the publisher.
''Better than my other books ?" "Oh.
much BETTER" and he named the fig
ures. Shortly after this interview
tMr. Longfellow still keeping silence)
the Tribune came out with almost 3
page of broadside on this subject.
The publisher was now really excited.
He called on the poet again. 1T will
not do" he said, very decidedly, ito
let this thing go on any longer"
"How does the book sell - said
Longfellow. ''Amazingly-thc sale
is already equal to the combined sales
Of your other books" "Then," said
Longfellow. Il think We ought to be
thankful to these critics. Let them
talk. Seems to me they are giving
US large amount ofgratuitous adver-
tising. Better let them alone" And
let alone they were.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02
A strange telerraphic freak is r,

A strange telegraphic freak is re
ported from New York. About two
weeks ago a couple of wires on the
New York Central railroad began to
act very unreasonably. At ten O'Clock
in the morning they would "strike
work." and resume at four in the after
noon. A careful examination Of the
line produced no result. The superin-
tendent himself looked into matter,
and saw nothing. 1t was complete
puzzle. An old Albany operator, how
ever. was more successful. About six
ty miles west Of that city he found a
point where the wires pass over the
roof OF building almost touching it.
As the sun rose the wires fell, and at
twelve o'clock they lay snuggly to-
gether on the tin roof. As the sun
fell they cooled and rose. and by four
o'clock they were in their properposi-
tons. Of course the trouble was rec
tilted.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02
A farmer in the State Of Connect

A farmer in the State Of Connecti-
cut has pair of twin daughters. They
both attend the same school, and not
long since one Of them. who is rather
averse to studying. was called up
BY the aacher 10 reeite a lesson in
geography, which she had learned
very imperfec;ly-in fact, she could
not 90 on q, all. The teacher was
getting out of patience, when he was
called to another part of the room for
a moment. No sooner was his back
turned when the twin sister sprang to
the floor. unobserved, and pushed the
delinquent pupil to her seat. The
teacher returned and proceeded with
his questions. which were answered
With degree of promptness and ac-
curacy which at the close, drew from
him words of commentator. The
joke, however, was discovered next
day. but the teacher thought it too
good and successful to give occasion
for ofense.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

In the depot is placard amour ching
" No Smoking posted over an oil lamp.
Two Irishmen appear, one smoking" Pat"
says the other, yer transgressin the rhules
Of the establishment, ye are" How's
that'' says the smoker. "Don't you see
there-no smoking?" "Yis, but can't ye
see We spalpcen, the remark Is addressed y
the lamp"
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

In Australia, April 9th, winter was
approaching. The crops were bount.
iful and all gathered. Grapes yielded
largely. and their apples promised to
keep well. In July comes the dead Of
winter.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

WHAr HE DIEp or-We overheard once
the following dialogue between an alderman
and an Irish shoplifter.
What's gone Of your husband, woman ??
whats gene of him, yer honor? Faith
an he's gone dead
All What did he die off,
"Die of yer honor? he died of FRIDAY. y
:. don't mean what day Of the week, but
what complaint ?"
"oh what complaint YER honor: faith
an it's himself that didn't get time to com.
plain"
"0h he died sudden p
Rather that way, yer honor"
Did be fall in fit. -
No answer.
. He fell down in ft perhaps g.
A fit, yer honor? Why no not exactly
that. He fell ont ,f a Windows, or through q
cellar door-l don't know what thev call it,
"Ay and broke his neck -
:. No no; quite that, yer worship"
"What then p
There was bit o string, or that like.
an it throttled poor Nike"
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02
The CINCINNATI HOME.
The Leadisg Fire lss. Go. Of
The Westl

CAPITAL. 100000. ASSETS 3sO.OOO.
Insures at fair rates. Dwellings, Farm Buiid
ings, Stores. Merchandise, Mills, Manufactures,
and property Of sll kinds.
THE HOME is emph atically Q Western In
stitution infused with Western energy owned
BY Western capital; controlled by Western men;
devoted to Western interests, and 10 destined 70
hl want. long felt in Western States. Of solid,
permanent and reliable Home lns. Co, With the
necessary capital, enterprise and ability.
This company il emnently reliable and secure.
The Stock holders, Officers, and Directors, are
among the first men in the community in point
Of wealth, stability and integrity. Their com
binsd wealth amounts to MILLIONS or DoLLAR 10.
Our rates are reasonable. Our motto, The best
is the Cheapest. We insure - low any hrst
class company We do a safe business. We
make dwelling and farm property q speciality.
Our adjustments Of losses are fair and liberal.
and are prompt and satisfactory.
Consult your own interest. and delay not 10
insure in the Cincinnati Home, by calling On our
agent, in Cafars Building. Independence.
MAJ W. -. MAYES, Agent.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

THIS SCIENCE OF FRANlNG SENTENCES
A man who was suddenly pressed into the
editorial harncss without being regularly
broken in. having 10 describe the unceremo-
aioas bsrial Of a iriendless woman. made a
dash at sarcasm thus. "She was buried
like dog with her clothes on Seeing
his mistake, he corrected it thus: "She
was buried with her clothes on like dog"
The third time, cxasperated with the pres
vious blunders. be had it thus; Like a
dog with her clothes on she was buried"
After the third trial be gave the dogond'
thing up State Register.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

TuE BEsf ToSic.-Caswell, Mack Co.,
Combination Of Iron. PHOSPHORUS and Calisaya
known ~ Ferro Phosphorated Elixir Of CAlisaya
The iron restores color to the blood; the Paos-
phorous renews waste Of the nerve tissue, and
the Calisays gives . natural healthfui tone to
the digestive organs One pint contains the
virtue Of one ounce Of Calisays and one teaspoon
full . grain Of Iron and PAosphorous. Manu-
ssetarsd BY oAswELL. MACK . Co., New York.
Ear asie by AZ druggists. e0-ly
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

In California the Yankees are rails
ing seeding oranges. They have pro-
duced one variety which stands nine
degrees of freezing, and it is sweet
and of superior flavor.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

The following enigma is said to have been
written by Mr.. Canning:
There is = word Of plural number,
A foe TO peace and human slumber,
Now, any word YOU chance to take
BY adding 5 you plura! make;
But il you add an $ to this,
How strange the metamorphosis!
Plural is plural then 10 more.
And sweet what bitter was before.
The word is cares, to which, by adding S
you have caress.
A woman will tolerate tobacco smoke in
a man she likcs-and even say she likes it,
and vet, curiously enough, how she dislikcs
it in . man she disikes
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

A very romantic story. of which the fol-
lowing is an outline, is reps r,ed by the last
mail from Australia: 1t is stated that
many years since. young lady, the daugh-
ter OF an Austrian nobleman, left the home
of her parents in consequence Of disa-
greement with her father Years elapsed
without the bereaved father finding any clue
TO her Whereabouts, notwithstanding his
utmost researches, and as he advanced in
years, he determined upon using every etfor,
to discover the lost one. On the assumption
of the reins Of government By the Earl of
Derby with whom be was intimately ac-
quainted1. he besought that nobleman to
discover the whereabouts of his daughter,
to which his lordship respondeded by com.
municating to the different governments Of
the Australian colonies, 10 some Of which it
was deemed probable the Young LADY lad
gone. His Excellency Sir. Henry Manners
Sutton, Governor Of Victoria. was among
others, requested to interest himself in the
matter, whereupon His Excelency immedi.
a.ely communicated with the wariens of the
various gold fields. The result was that
Mr.. Warden r. of A.. on being ap-
Piled to. recollected that Mr.. c.. late clerk
of the local court of petty sessions, had
servant answering in every way the descrip>
tion furnished Of the lost one. After due
inquiry, the warden's surniises proved To be
correct. and the truant was found II APP
peared further that the Young lady had oniv
lately been married to well,o-do merchant
talso an Austran) residing in Arara;. who
now states his intention to return to his own
country. and exchange the tolls aud cares
Of business. for a position far more exalted
than his widest dreams had ever an,icipa-
ted.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

A dirt is like the dipper attached to by
drAnt--every one IS at liberty to drink
from il, but no one desires to carry It sway.
Buchanan County bulletin and guardian., 1867-08-02

Why is . mouse like load of hay, Be.
cause the cst'll eat it,
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1867-01-17
COMMUNICATED.
Notice.

The Committee on Lectures woul d ren
der an apology to the public, for the fail
ure of the first lecture Of the course
which was to have been delivered on
Tuesday evening last.
Owing to ProyideutiaI causes, however
the lecturer, Rev. Geo. T. Cain, was pre-
vented from fulfilling his engagement
and when the committee say that dornes.
tic affliction Of some nature appears tc
have been the cause of this contre-temps
they feel that the public will exone.
rate them from all blame, and will say
with them that all feelings of disappoint
ment at the failure, must be merged in
unfeigned sorrow for the cause, and in
heartfelt sympathy for the afflicted ones
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1867-01-17
The Indian Troubles.

Late dispatches from Fort Laramie
leave, unfortunately, little room for doubt
that the massacre Of United States troops
near Fort Philip Kearney In Dakota, was
full as horrible as it was first represented
Col. Fillerman, Capt. Brown, Lieut.. Gram
mond. aud Eighty-seven men were drawn
into an ambush by the savages, and every
one Of them was slaughtered. 1t is of little
avail now to wonder how an experinced
officer could lead his troops into such
trap when the hostile disposition of the
surrounding indians was well known ; il
the commander of this unfortunate de-
tachment was to blame, he is already pun
ished beyond his deserts. But the fire.
quency Of Indian outrages during the last
few months, and the fact that the distGr-
Dances are confined to no particular local
| ity, but extend over the whole region FROM
New Mexico to the northern border, and
| from the yesternmost settlements of Kan
sas to the frontier town of California, de-
mand Of US a very careful and intelligent
consideration. We expressed our convic-
ton some three months ago, that gen
eral Indian war was imminent, but many
people, deceived by the lying reports OF
those who find their profit in the wretchcd
system Of Indian misgoyernment which is
responsible for those horrors, made light OF
our rapprehensons. Now, we believe there
are few who will question that war is
inevitable, and that the only way to secure
the future safety of our Western settlers
and emigrants is to make that war short
sharp, and decisive A Fort Laramie
dispatch mentions rumor of coalition
of twelve tribes, umbering ii 900 war
riors, against the white settlers of Dakota
and Montana and few weeks ago We
had report Of similar confederation a
mong the Arapahoes, Cheyennes, and 9th
er savages of Southern Kansas. Every
mail brings US accounts Of raids and mas
sacres, now in Arizona, now in Idaho, now
in Kansas or New-Mexico. Supply train:
for the mining regions are cut of mail:
and telegraphs are interrupted, and EN-
igrantS who are fortunate enough not t(
leave their bodies rotting on the plain:
only get through to their destination by
sheer fighting.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1867-01-17
Gambling on a Large Scale.

It is stated in letter from Washing
ton, apparently on good authority, that
Hon. Ben. Wood, of New York lottery
policy renowu, and Hon, John Morrisey,
ex pugilist, had grand trial of skill at
the scientific game of faro, at Morrisey's
rooms in Washington, on Wednesday
night of week before last. The two gam
blers played all night, and the result was
that Morrisey lost and Wood won about
sl40, 600 at this single sitting! Wood is
a New York Senator = Morrisey Con-
gresham elect-and both are Democrats
of the pure Copper persuasion, Nice law
makers, they are, to be sure
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1867-01-17
supday.school Convention.

The friends Of the Sunday school cause,
in Monroe and Pike counties, will meet
in joint convention, in the Dutch Reformed
Church at Bushkill, commencing Wed
ncsday, 23d Jan, at IL o'clock, A. NJ,
aud continuing through that and the fol-
lowing day and evening.
The object of the convention will be to
promote and advance the Sunday-school
interest in the two counties, by addresses,
discussions, conferences, and comparisons
Of views and plans, &c.
Active Sunday school men from abroad
have been invited to be present, to add
interest to the occasion.
Pastors, Superintendents, teachers and
all friends Of the cause, are cordially in
vited to be present. 1t is hoped that ev-
cry Sunday school in the two counties
will be represented. Entertainment, free
of charge, will be provided for all in at
tendance by the friends at Bushkill and
vicinity.
Rev.A. McWuLIAMs, A. G. HULL,
IL. LIFTS, JOHN DIMMIcK,
&C. d. VANALLEN, GEo. W. PETERS.
Committee Of Arrangements.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1867-01-17

During the year just closed there were
5oi fires in tho United States, against
35i IN 1868, will losses amounting to S66,-
10000, against S43, 10000. The ag-
sregate loss by fire during the last twelve
years is S2S0,9SS,000. The number OF
railroad accidents last years was S5 a
gainst 1873, the number of persons killed
by them ll5 against 335, and the num-
Der of wounded COZ against 1927. The
record for twelve years is l49S accidents
killing 23l9 and wounding 1868. Last
years steamboat accidents number %
against 81, with 638 killed against 1888.
and l56 wounded against 265. The twelve
last years list is BIZ accidents, 6OO6 kill
ed and 1885 wounded.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1867-01-17
A butcher in Milwaukee. upon killing

A butcher in Milwaukee, upon killing
COW for beef a few days since, discover
ed live mud turtle, measuring about six
inches across the back, in her stomach
The turtle could not, by any possibility
have got into the cows stomach, while il
was the size it was when discovered, anC
must been swallowed by the animal while
drinking some time since, and remained
in her stomach for months, if not fol
years. The turtle only lived about ten
hours after being taken out. Its shell
was very much eaten away by the acid.
of the stomach.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1867-01-17
Robbery of Hopes Express Wagon---0ver
$1,000 IN u. S. Bonds and Money Stolen

On the evening Of the 9th inst, about
$50 p. NJ, the wagon of Hopes Express
Company, while on its way from Kings
ton to this place, was stopped by six men
who, by holding the horses and placing
revolyers to the heads Of the men in
charge of the wagon, succeeded, in taking
possession of the Express bag and pack
ages The robbery occurred about hall
way be tween Kingston and this place
The bag contained one package of $l5;
| 900, IN 500 bonds, new issue, of the fol
lowing denominations: Is bonds Of 81,
600 each aud bonds Of $500 each, and
four money packages containing in the
aggregate $500, together with four small
parcels Of merchandise, one valued at SO
and the others of value unknown.
After becoming possessed of their plum
der the thieves took the road toward
Kingston for a short distance, when they
took to the fields, and at 4 distance OF
some forty or fifty rods from tho road
opened the bag and packages, and retain
ing the valuable ceutents, left the wrap
pears and bag in the field.
The representatives of the Express
Company are here, and are vigorously en-
gagged in ferreting out the parties to the
robbery. What information they possess
is know to none but themselves, as they
keep their own counsels
The payment of the bonds has been
stopped and they will be of no avail to the
thieves, as the Express Company have
notified the Treasury Department aud
bankers and brokers throughout the coun-
try of their denominations IPH;eS- Bar
re Union.