Weekly Trinity journal., 1867-10-19
The "TIand book" Extra.

since then We have had a sauint ut his mun
body The flourish of trumpets which heralied
mis- appearance led W. 10 expect something
traordnmry in the way Of m matrimony. Our GU
riosiy is now gr"tihed, and We acknowledge
the corn that We have been badly sold. Our
only consolation is that we have been - bilked !"
in great deal better company than we usually
keep, for we venture TO say that every maid and
widow in the county from fifteen to fifty were on
nettles for week 10 find out what sort of a lay
ont the doughty - Jack had in store for Them.
Jack, TO start with, modestly hints that per-
haps he is making himself little ridiculous.
Jack might have saved himself this trouble,
as his renders would quickly have discovered it
without his aid. He however adds, 9 that it is
Of no consequence, as that is an every day
currence with him. AS Jack +" believes that
there can be 800 much Of good thing he
only designs to Introduce himself partially in the
first scene. Like hog upon ice, or Fred. Wal
ter after Office, he is perfectly independent, and
tells US TINT if we fail to read, or do not nppre-
ciate his remarks "it will not derract one iota
from his stock Of knowledge" This we believe
as hrmly rs we believe that aye Gamma tax the
breeks alt Eirlandman,' - squeeze blood
from IA turnp." He then says, - intend writ
ing for my amusement" and we hope that
he succeeded, for we nre certain that h. succeed
ed in amusing n"boiy else :. Jack " next in
forms us that he is descended from an ancient
bni not me finn |. OF he name o. Gre .nwo ,I
W. think ih.tt ~c ha,.. he RI II r..m before and
i"coi'"ct "nr in ptriict's sr. who's. Chri.'ian
name was Will ani VII" IS n some y cnn
necied with that fn- Old honest Engi,h gent G.
man. Robin Hood. Jack - was introduced t.,
the world the world no doubt felt highly de-
lighted 10 m AXE his acqnaiutancel - 1T thrifty
farm cottage the ea-braien shore of the
south coast of England" Somewhere 'twixt
Lizard Point AMI Beachy H-md prob bly, mid
way be;wixt the two, where Avon's walters kiss
the se',-for Avon does turn out prodigy once
IN dog ) age. He informs that the family is
honest and industrious. Although there are
few " honorables - connected witt, it. Jack "
need not feel the least ashamed about that, for
people expect TO fud drones in every hive
Decay pervades the Universe and
" Jacks" family is exception TO the rule
What the rinderpest effected mongst the Dnr-
hams and Devons, the pest Of bacheorism ac-
complished for the Greenwood family The
word bachelor - has the same effect upon
jack - water has upon dog Athlete cd with
the rnbhes. " Wild wildly beats my heart
and the hot blood goes coursing through my
veins ~ If that does not fill the bill of lin
fine frenzy rolling" we'll quit chewing tobacco
and apply for the leadership of IL casS-meeting.
jacks" memory next rererts to the many
q fine mnsculinrs which fifty years ago the
Greenwood family could show" and he then
deplores tho fatality which has ihinncd them
down to three BALI bachelor uncles the
oldest of whom is -ixtv-thr"e and the vnnn grst-
and that's what heats ns--is OILY for'y-sev-n.
This uncle. although the youngest of the lot. Is
evidently ,lw-ronci' rs he h,s. ar he lea~;
calculation. drnpp, d behind three years in h"
last half century.
Jack " grows po-iical again. an ! compares
himself tn the :. last rose rf summer in the
bloom of its manhooi." Nothing sny> he.
Il has so great tendency To ruf1le my dsro>i-
tion as the Remembrance o. my condition" A
dose Of Sherilan's Cavalry Condition Powders
might do yon gooi Jack
lie next likens "Ihe swift passing ages" to
" the crack Of unerring rih".' and him
self TO " grouse on the limb of a forest tree.
We have no fauli to find with this illustration,
nor indeed, would we quarrel with him if he
likens himself in his next epis,le to goose
common.
We next find Jack" (whose ambition scars
higher than the mere writing Of ." hefty" orig
inals) undertaking to parody and improve upon
one of the finest SMILES of the Bard of Avon
"Th-re is a tide n the affairs of
Which. taken at the ho,d leads on to fortune.
He renders it into hotch-po'ch of milk-and-
water mouthings which would make n well man
sick, and sick man scker.
.'Once an Engshman, always an English
man" is and trte saying, and We accord
iagly find :. Jack (who came from the sonth
coast of England where every trade has a
" strike at least once in a twelvemonth) We
hemeuily declaring that it is high time TO
" strike for the perpetuaiion of his fnst-going
family" If Jack " would strike first, aud
not gas " about it, he might get in blow
while the iron is hot"
We now come to the cream of this singular
Autographed epistie. For, although il is
nothing uncommon for persons father to be
bachelor, it is not every man who cares TO in
form the puhiic of that fact, through the col
umns OF = newspaper. JACK" does moi, how.
eYrr. for be distinctly tells US that ba,b,lor;sm
is hereditary in his family He tells NOR, ,ox.r
that there is n tide to matrimouy, aud as a mt
ural sequence tide-abe also. THIS is uruh.
ably an English institution, as we never heard
of it in America. We quote again, Blu, INV
ancestors never consulted the tide-table Per-
haps they could not read figures. The next para.
graph which treats of inundated ancestors. of
the ebh and How of the tides, of embarkations
and procrastinations, We leave to some expert
enced navigator to decipher, for it absolutely
passe,h our understanding. Speaking Of bach
elorism being hereditary in his family he says
my correspondence with friends shows certain
evidence Of its symptoms" If "Jack' will only
cultivate chastity. We congratulate the coming
generation on such being the case, for they will
be spared the iufliction of reading such egotist-
ical riqmaroles as the one before rs. He goes
on 10 tell us, i" that when he has written a letter
to friend and sent II off, it he happens think
over its contents il makes him feel discouraged. y