Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1867-05-17

And liquors cold and hot:
Young Grimes, In short, was Just that sort
or man-old Grimes was not.
g4 -
Things Wise ~ Otherwise.
IL Is not what we eat, but what we
digest, that makes us fat
1t is not what we make, but what we
save, that makes us rich.
1t Is not what we read, but what we
remember, that makes us,wise.
Barnum has O fine museum I'm New
York but no show in Connecticut.
Little girls believe in the man in the
moon-big girls believe in a man in
the honeymoon.
The dialect of young ladies divides all
things into two classes-the horrid and
the splendid.
A newspaper recently contained the
following i'm its notices to corresponds
ents: Truth Is crowded out of our
columns this week."
tised for "a female who has knowl-
edge of fitting boots with good moral
character"
AT meeting of unmarried printers,
not long since, the following toast was
drunk in silence: Heaven
reward her, she Is always I'm favor Of
well-conducted press.
A teacher of vocal music asked an
old lady IL her grandson had any ear
for music. "Wa'al,r y said the old wo-
man, II raaly don't know; wont you
just take the candle and see?n
A clergyman gave toast that was
not very gallant, at a late firemen's cell
ebration: "Our fire engines-may
they be like old maids-ever ready, but
never wanted ~
On recent occasion, as q marriage
ceremony was about To be performed
In church I'm a neighborlng town,
when the clergyman desired the parties
wishing to be married to rise up,
large number of young ladies immedi-
ately arose.
A paper asks very innocently IL |. Is
any harm to sit in the lapse of ages
Another replies that IL all depends on
the kind of ages selected. Those from
eighteen TO twenty-five 1t puts down as
extra hazardous.
Young ladies who are accustomed to
read newspapers are always observed
to possess winning ways, most amiable
dispositions, invariably make good
wives, and always select good husbands
"a fact.
A very pretty and nobby young lady
called In the store the other day and
requested to see lavender kid gloves,
whereupon she was shown several diff
ferent shades of that color. Being
little overcome with so great variety,
she asked, (which of these pairs are
the lavendefest ?p
I'm suit in Georgia, In regard TO the
delivery of some corn, freedman gave
the following extensive evidence: II
know no MORN dis. DE pertracters,
de commanders and de allamandcrs
sent mo on for to anser to the corn.
delivered dc corn at Williams stable,
and dlsclaimed--Here's Maccovvey's
corn. Dey sent on de anser all right,
and dat's all de prefixes of the circum-
stances know'd by de drayman."
The intelligent husbandmon no lon-
ger considers himself as plodding I'm
an humble sphere; as devoted to an
occupation useful, indeed-as supply
ing the physical wants of man-but
disconnected with the exercise of his
intellectual powers his false shame
and Indifference to labor, fly before the
conviction that he ranks In society
with all that Is useful, honorable and
dignified.
A young man In Illinois was greatly
smitten with a neigllbor's daughter,
and wanted her for his wife. In order
to win her unsophisticated heart he
invited her to go with him to circus
that was showing i'm the vicinity. She
accepted the invitation, and as they
neared the ticket wagon the young
man rushed upon his fate by asking
her suddenly II she would marry him.
mo, i thank you" she replied. "You
won't, eh?" exclaimed the ardent
youth, "then buy your own ticket!n
She took his advice and enjoyed the
show greatly, but he didn't.
A beautiful girl stepped into shop
to buy pair of mits.
"How much are they"
"Why,n said the gallant but impu-
dent clerk, lost in gazing upon her
sparkling eyes and ruby lips, ''you
shall have them for kiss"
agreed" said the young lady,
pocketlng the mits, while her eyes
spoke daggers, "and as ! see you give
cIeuit ueIe, cuaIsc ~ oh your uoohs
and collect 1t the best way you can"
80 saying, she hastily tripped out.
A few years ago there dwelt an old
couple In dilapidated shanty in the
suburbs Of Richmond with no one To
wait upon them but a granddaughter
about eleven years of age. Upon one
Sunday the old woman went to church,
leaving tire old man and the child In
the shanty. Whilst engaged in her
devotions the little girl ran breathless
into the sanctuary, exclaiming, grand
ma, O, grandma the house has fallen
I'm and Killed grandpa. !" The old DANES
only remark was, 'sWhat! I'LL bet fif-
ty dollars my pipes broke.n
LOVE OF MARRIED. LIFE.-The af-
fectiou that 1infs tovafhar man anI