The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-09-05
HUMOROUS,

- - = Assn ~ -NNAS,
| An Irish, absentee lis said, to- have
sent this comforting message to- his
| steward; Tell the tenants that no
threats to. shoot .youowil terrify me n
st.Mra Jones, why'd you wear, that
bad hate 'syEs Because my dear sir.
Mrs. Jones vows she viii not *, . out
of the house uutilaI get new one -
a studentswas called upon. to ode-
scribe theIpeeuliar characteristics of
the shark-t lie was a. fluent speaker.
and answered at some lengthgo OF bai
g. IncorreetJo said the ProfessonT
Unwilling to acknowledge his igi
norance the student tried again .b9onsr
~ lncorreet5mo3lsw 9dJ gnigoIIof q
I" Well, to tell he)truth. Professor,
III don know anything aboutit3 'ed
> Correct.lioinnH mo to 1giigfuss3
One of the fair sojourners at Long
Branch, on being introduced to Gen.
Grant, 1graciously bowed her. head
and kissed his extended hand upon
which one of the bystanders playfully
inquired why he did not reciprocate
the obsequious salutatIon.? :" Oh"
promptly responded the imperturable
hero, never stoop to conquerP -
Wear your learning, like your
watch, in a private pocket, and don't
pull it out to show that you have one;
but if you are asked what o'clock it
lss tell IT., 7ssts .ton li.R -aa.-ardeIo
Afshafp taking lady was reproved
by her hus band, who requested her to
keep heritengue in her mouth. My
dear" responded the wife, cit IS
against the law to carry concealed
weapons" ms sin' 1'if, sS-'ls "a !,
A. man named Tease has married q
Miss Cross. in st. Louis 4 He leased
her till she agreed she wouldn't be-
Cross any more.ns'5o is0mls u b9sua
A Jerseyman gathering mushrooms
was told they were poisonous: Thank
you," he replied, q am not going to
eat hemymyse III SELL them at the
hoteln .Tobn9lgS iGnIe1z1 ;os2DHt
} aI would not marry Western man man,
if r had to live an. old maid all, the
days of my life," exclaimed a. buxom
country lass. -. Why not ?'s demanded
her astonished4 companions. Be-
cause every paper you pick up con-
"a ~ az oOSoo "a 'Aic5 iailu AC VI utftC
estern HALLS mis- I'd
As an Englishman and an Irishma,
was passing by a gallows. the former
asked: 5a.Pat; if that gallows had its
dues, pray where would you .be?n
/" Och faith, and I'd be riding to town
all alone. was the quick reply. laHn'5qI
TIME. p. Mamma said Eddie.
while looking out of the window one !,
evening during a. thunder Storm
Z" Mamma. isn't it time for me to go to
sleep? hear God pulling out his
trundle bed for the little angles to
sleep In. "A
The poet intended to say, seeing
the pale martyr in a sheet of fire.
instead of which the printer made |
him say" See the pale martyr with
his shirt on fire." SIT = 9-1I9 4
Here is an amended quotation, by |
married man who has been waiting
for his wife 8 to put her things on"
Hope springs eternal in the husbands
Wives never are. but always to be dressed.
A friend says, in allusion to the !
practice of buying and selling wives
III Egypt, tudt luOugH us wire ulun |
cost him cent he was cheated In the |
bargain. ;e!iT1.t, ele''H' .. Il.e. = !.
s A Western editor provokes sus-
picion regarding his own domestic
by placing above the mar
riage notices in his paper: 4 cut repre-
sentlng trap sprung.os - ssiieioy edT
INA, if you will give me peach 1
will be a good boy oilAH u Dl>' 80 ia
mo, my child, you must not be good
for pay; that is not right"
You don't want me to be good for