Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1867-05-09
in wich leave their watry lairs to feed
on turnips which grow above the Goth


at won't do" sed the President.
think NV" retorted the Secretary
with a quicknis NV intelleck remark
able "Think Nv gittin rid nv the
Blairs forever"
"Will the Abilishn SENT ratify the
treaty 7" askt johnson eagerly.
81 converst with many on the sub
jick, and they sed eff we Good promise
that the Blairs wood accept posishens
there, they wood do it cheerfully.-
For sich purpose, sed one Nv them
to me, $7,000,0 900 is mere bagteiie."
"rll do it," sed Johnson. 81 agred
with the Senators for once. Rather
than hev it fail I'd pay it oat NV Mrs.
Cobb's share NV our jint specuIatlons::
Freedom from the Blair family Good
Hevings kin one man be so blest!--
Is ther sich in store for me? $1,000
000l Pish p
My opinyun bein askt, | Civ it. Ez
hefty ez the vencher is from com
mershal stan-pint, in politikle pint
Nv view the advantage will be still
heftier. The Rooshn territory will
finally be the chosen home Nv the
Dimocrisy. Their is a populashen
ther already adapted to us, who kin
be manipulated without trouble, and
the climate is favorable to a strickly
Democratic populashen. The trouble
with us here is, the amount NV llk-
ker necessary to the manufactur NV
a Democrat kills him before he hez
an opportoonity to vote many times,
wich keeps US in a perpetooal minor
ity. Our strength is, for climatic
reasons, our week.-Mrs.. Far different
is it in Roosha. Their the happy
native may drink his quart per day
the bracin atmosphere maxim it abb
slootly necessary for him. Ther Is
the troo Dimocratic paradise. How
often hev sighed for sich country.
Then, agin, ther are posishens Nv
profit. The delegates to Congriss
will, eff l hev figured it ritely, draw
about SIS, 900 per session mileage,
witch is $4,000 year, 100000 per
term. He Good afford to serve with
out the paltry $1,000, wich wood be
cheap Legislation indeed.
And so it was agreed upon, and
the treaty wuz made by telegraph at
an expense uy-I forgit eggsackly-
but think it wuz somewher in the
neighborhood NV $4,000. Before it
wuz finally conclooded, some other
incidentals wuz included by the Ear,
wich run the price up to $l0,200,0OO,
but that wuz nothin for us. Seward
went at his work with great energy.
The purchis wuz divided up into six
territories-(fo the number Nv dele
gates to our convenshun wuz large
and they all he'd to be provided for,)
wich wuz named respectively, john
son, Seward, Cowan, Dolittle, Kah-
dali, and Welles. For the one in the
extreme North, the furtherst off, Frank
Blair wuz appinted Governor for
the next Montgomery, and the next,
the old man, and the other three wuz
hold in reserve for the pure butun-
fortunate patriots wich might be
hereafter rejected for the Austrian
mission. A list wuz prokoored NV
the delegates to our various conven-
shuns and them ez he'd bin martyred
by the SENT, ther names wuz put III
to a wheel ez at gift enterprises, and
the Judgeships, Marshalships, Clerk
ships, ct settry, wuz drawed by lot.
This ice wuz sejested by Postmaster
General Randall, ez bein the easiest
way Nv doin it. He statid that the
appointments from his department he'd
alluz bin in this manner, ez it saved
time in eggsaminin petitions, cirtiti-
kets, testimonials and sich. In this
way about ez near ez kin estimate,
two per cent NV those claimin posish
ems at our hands hev bin provided
for.
The idea is capable Nv unlimited
extension. The administration, feel
in the relief it hez experienced, are
already negotiatin for the British
Provinces. This territory kin, by
maxim Nv them a little smaller, be d.
vided up into, say forty, wich, by
maxim few more offises for each,
and bein liberal nv explorin eXpcdi-
tions and sich, will be sufficient to
give places to all who really have
claims upon US and who are pushin
US.
The President breathes easier, and
the Secretary is placid ez summer
mornin. He hes cut the Gordian
knot he hez relieved hisself Nv the
boa constrikter wich wuz crushin him
in its folds. Happiness prevades the
White House.
PETROLEUM Y. NAsBY, ?. NJ.
(Wich is Postmaster) and likewise Professor
Nv Biblikle Politicks in the Southern Clas-
sikle and Military Institoot.