Clayton herald. (Clayton, Del.) 1867-1870, 1867-08-17
9nm,uraa$.

-Old DR.. A. was quack, and
very ignorant one. On one occasion he
was called by mistake to attend coun-
Gil of physicians in critical case. After
considerable discussion, the opinion was
expressed by one that the patient was
convalescett. When it came to Doctor
As turn to speak: "ConUolescent %
said he; "why that's nothing serious;
l have cured conValesccace in twenty
four hoursp
"A gentleman was describing TO
Douglas Jerrold the story of his court
ship and marriage.-how his wife had
been brought up in a convent, and was
on the point of taking the veil, when his
presence burst upon her enraptured
sight, and she accepted him as her hus-
band. Jerrold listened to the end OF the
story, and then quietly remarked, "She
simply thought you better than nun."
AN impatient Welshman called to
his wife--"Come, come, isn't breakfast
ready2 I've had nothing since yester-
day, and tomorrow will be the third
dayp This is equal to the call of tho
stirring housewife, who reused her maid
with, "Come, Bridget, get upi Here
it's Monday morning, to morrow is
Tuesday, the next days Wednesday,
half the week gone and nothing done
yetr' ,'v u'.
AN Irishman who had left his native
country, and sought an asylum in Amer
lea because it was land of liberty, was
attacked on his first arrival, in December,
by q furious mastiff. He stopped to
pick up stone 10 defend himself, but
the stone was frozen fast. 'By my SOUL"
says Pat, "what a swate country, where
the dogs are all let loose and the stones
tied fast. ,,s-.stri
Two good-natured Irishmen, on q
certain occasion, occupied the same bed.
In the morning one of them inquired OF
the other, "Dennis, did you hear the
thunder last night ?" "No, Pat; did it
rally thunder 2'' "Yes, il thundered as
if hiven and airth would come togither.n
"Why, thin, didn't ye wake me for
you know can't slape whin ii thunters.n
"A schoolboy being asked by his,
teacher, "0f what is the German Diet
!constituted2" replied, "Sour krout,
schnapps, lager beer and nix cum rous."
This lad must have been cousin-german
to the boy who, ON being shown q pic
ture of "Luther and the Diet of Worms"
said, "Papa, see Luther, but where arc
the worms that he is going to eat?"
Two old friends met, not long SINCE.
after separation of thirty-five years..
"Well, Tom," said one, show has the
world gone with you, old boy? married
yet?" eyes, and I've got family you.
can't match-seven boys and one girl.'
" I can match it exactly" was the reply
"for have seven girls and one boy"
DIR. Dosey was i'll: his friend, Rev.
Peter Quick, applied to the patron for
the next presentation but the doctor
recovered, and upbraided the Rev. Peter
for such breach of friendship, saying,
"You looked for my DEATH" "No, no,'
DOCTOR" said Peter, ''you quite mistake;
it was your living 1 looked for"
The compliment of a Western Cler-
gyman to his female worshippers is
worth remembering: "Be not proud
that the blessed Lord paid your sex the
distinguished compliment of appearing
first to a female after the resurrection,
for it was only done that the glad tidings
might spread the sooner"
"A young man recently wrote TO his
sweetheart, saying, 'There is not glo-
bule of blood in my heart which does
not bear your photograph" He had it
very bad, hadn't he?
AN exchange says that such men as
johnson and Seward are the cream of
the country. If they are, the sooner the
country is skinned the better for it.
Mr.. Links went to Washington a
few days ago, but soon returned in high
dudgeon, because, while on a small
spree, he had been mistaken for Andrew
Johnson.
Pre- ntice says the muddy streets of
louisville are proof that the Inhabitants
are not transgressors for the way OF
transgressors is hard.
THE ladies promise that if they are
allowed TO vote they will elect their can
didate by Handsome" as wellas sweep
ing' naajerities.
: