Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1867-03-29
OFFICES AND SALARIES.


ocial chaos that fee bill would create.
every woman in the commonwealth would
ct go everything and run for State Milli-
ter. And instead of ventilating each 9TH
RS political antecedents, as men do, they
would go straight after each others pri-
vate moral character. (Iknow them-they
are all like my wite.) Before the canvass
was three days old it would be an estab-
lished proposition that every woman in
the State was mo better than she ought to
be.D Only think how it would lacerate me
to have an opposition candidate say that
about my wife. That is the idea, you know
having other people say these hard
things. Now, 1 know that my wife isn't
any better than she ought to be, poor devil
lin fact, in matters of orthodox doctrine,
she is particularly shaky-but still would
not like these things aired in political
contest. 1 don't really suppose that that
woman will standany more show hereafter
than-howeVer. she may improve - she
may even become a. beacon light for the
saving of others-but if she does, she will
burn rather dim, and she will flicker good
deal, too. But, as l was saying, female
political canvass would be an outrageous
thing. ~
Think of the torch-light professions that
would distress our eyes. Think of the Gu
rious legends on the transparencies
q ''Robbins foreverl Vote for Sallie Rob-
bins, the only yirtuOus candidate in the
field"
And this:
''Chastity, modesty, patriotism! Let the
great people stand by Maria Sanders, the
champion of morality and progress, and
the only candidate with stainless reputa-
tion!n e F,a
And this: rsa-r
''Vote for Judy McGinniss, the incor-
ruptiblel Nine ehildren-one at the
breasti"
In that day man shall say to his servant,
'sWhat is the matter with the baby ?" And
the servant shall reply. sit has been sick
for hours" g And where is its mother?'
''She is out electioneering for Sallie Rob-
bins" And such conversations as these
shall transpire between ladies and servants
applying for situations: "Can you cook ? .
"Yes." "Wash ?" 'tYes." ''All right
who is your choice fer State Milliner? |;
"Judy McGinnis." "Well, you can tramp
And women will talk politics instead Of
discussing the fashions; and they shall ne
gleet the duties of the household to 90 out
and take a drink with candidates and mel
shall nurse the baby while their wives trav-
ell to the polls to vote. And also in that
day the man who hath beautiful whiskers
shall beat the homely man of wisdom fol
Governor, and the youth who waltzes with
exquisite grace shall be Chief of Police, ii
preference to the man of practiced sa agacity
and determined energy.
= ..i4* sa.
Every man, I take it, has selfish end il
view when he pours out eloquehce in be.
half of the public good in the newspapers
and such is the case with me. l 90 no
want the privileges of women extended
because my wife already holds Office in
nineteen different Internal female associa-
tions, and j have to do all her clerking. i
you give the women full sweep with the
men in political affairs, she will proceed tC
run for every confounded Office under the
new dispensation. Thatiwill finish me. Il
is bound to finish me. She would not have
time to do anything at all then, and the one
solitary thing | have shirked up to the
present time would fall on me and my fam.
lily would go to destruction; for am no
qualified for a wet nurse.
/ ...r M ARK TwA1N