Delaware State journal and statesman. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1855-1870, 1867-02-19
WIT AND HUmOR.


the yard full Of rain water.
'Impossiblel' said she.
'Wel,' said he, if you will go out with me,
I'll prove it to you"
They together went, and the lad jumped up
about foot, snlokering oil the while.
why. that isn't quarter as high as the hogs
head said the little girl.
WELL said the little boy, you may see il the
qoguhead can jump higher IL you have q mind
to. But don't believe tho hogshead can jump
as high ss can
what lovely woman Was the exclamation
of Lord ohsncsllor Eldon, upon passing a first
GLASS beauty, when pacing up and down West
Minister Han, with his friend the Master Of the
rolls, previous to the opening Of their respective
courts.
What an excellent judge = said the lady,
when her sensitive ear caught the hattering de-
cree Of the Lord Chancellor Of England.
sir Walter Scott meeting an Irish bsegAr, who
importuned him for slxpence, the great un.
known not having one, gave him shilling, add
Ing with laugh, Mind, now, air, you owe me
q sixpenoe."
Och, sure enough, said the beggar. and
heaven grant you may live till I pay you.'
Daniel 0'Connell once saved COW thief from
hanging, though the fellow was condemned 90
transportation. He afterwards returned to Ire
land and made himself kaoWu to o'Counell, aud
in requital for his services as counsel, said be
would impart valuable secret. II your honor
wants to steal a COW, 50 on . dark, rainy night
and take COW that stands out 10 the field, and
sure yell get good one. The weakly ones,
yer honor, always shelter under the hedge II the
weather is bad
A PosToRIPT. love to look upon young
man. There isa hidden potency concealed with
in his breast which charms and pains me-
The daughter Of a clergyman happening TO
nnd the above sentence at the close of piece
Of her fathers manuscript as he left it in his
study, sat down, added:
'Thems my sentiments exactly, papa except
ing the spains."
DR.. Frsnklin's celebrated receipt for cheap
sleigh-riding runs as follows: Sit in the hall in
your night clothes, with both doors open, go thai
you can get good draft, put your feet 10 pail
Of ice water, drop the front door key down your
back hold an icicle in one hand and ring the tea
bell with the other. He says you can't tell the
difference with your eyes shut, and it's gres
deal cheaper.
Sure, said Patrick, rubbing his head with de-
light at the prospects Of present from his EN-
ployer, Il always name 10 do my duty d be
lieye you,' replied his employer. 'snd, therefore
l shall make you a present Of all you have Stolei
from me during the year. .Thank your honor,
replied Pat; and may all your friends and &C
quaintances trate you as liberally'
81 would not be woman, for then could no
love her," said Montague. Lady Montagu
says, The only objection have to being ma
is that should then have to marry woman
A Western orator getting warmed with hi
subject exclaimed, There is not man, womal
or child in the house who has arrived at the Rg
Of fifty years, but what has felt the truth thun
deriug through their minds for centuries =
Bill came into the house the other day, an
asked eagerly, where does Charity begin
at home,' replied Tom, in the words Of th
proverb. Not bit Of IT, rejOInsd Bill; 4
begins at sea (c).
The follOwiog conundrumS are current jus
now:
Why is John MOrrissey like Daniel Webster
Because he is the Great Ex-Pouuder'
Why is John MOrrissey like lsmbf BsoauS
he CANDLES on the green.
Why ought John Morrisssy to be an inhuentii
member Of oOngresst Because he is heavy o
the eyes and nose.
sKARr Boy THAr.-'Tommy, my son. said
fond mother, do you say your prayers night an
morningr Yes, that 10. nights but any SINAI
boy can take care Of himself In the day time.
A good story Is told OF Baron P, VII,
when once visiting penal institution, lnspscte
the treadmill with the rest, and being praeties
ly disposed, the learned judge philanthropcall
trusted himself on the tresds, desiring II
warden to set It in motion. The machine vi
accordingly adjusted, and his lordshp began
,. lift his feet In few minutes, however, he ha
had quite enough Of il, and called to be relesAet
:. but this was not SO easy.
'Plesse my lord said the man, you can't q
:. OF. It's set for twenty minutes; thats II
shortest time we can make it CO.
So the judge was in durance, like signOr Ri
oabocca in the stocks, except that be Was obig'
to keep moving on until his term expired.
,e A starving OOrset-maker thus vented her mi
Of srable complaint: shame that l should
M without bread--I that have stayed the stomac
a. OF thousands
OF Does the court understand you to say, NJ
Il Jones, that you saw the editor Of the Argus
be Freedom intoxicatedP Not at sll, sir; mel
pi ly said that had seen him frequently so hurri
to in mind that he would undertake to cut cut 90
ot with the snuFers, that's ALL
n, a None but the brave deserve the fair \
to and none but the brave can live with some
TO- them.
1ft ---4s1es-S
Is How TO "FINIsH" DAUGHTER.-1. Be
1t waya falling har hov nrattv aha ia