The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1867-12-13
@nr an Sorts.


vantea
Why was Eve no, afraid Of the measles
Because she'd Adam lhad 'sm.)
Keep yourself from opportunities and
God will keep you from sins.
Il has been ascerained that the man who
..held ON to the last" was shoemaker.
Why is a lady's belt like a scavenger
Because !, goes round and gathers up The
waist.
Quilps thinks swimming cheerful eser'
else, but says that Mrs o.seyes swimming
in team arc anything but cheerful to him.
How were Adam and Eve prevented
from gambling' Their pair'o dice was
taken away from them.
What stone should have been placed al
the Garden Of Eden ai,er the expulsion
Adam amt In tAdaman,ine.)
, A little girl once hearing the remark that
all people had once been children, artless.
" inquired, "who took care Of the ba-
biesf"
II is reported that Bonner has written to
Gen. Grant, asking him to contribute to the
L<dru. US. G. offers the free use Of his
speeches.
An obituary notice tells Of the subject as
having been an "ex,cnsive Democrat
lie must have been one who voted early
and often.
An Iowa paper is credited with qualify
ing an obituary notice Of Fitz Greene Hal
Ieck by saying tina, though no was fine
poet, he was no great shakes Of military
man.
"Are you aslecp?" said lady to her sur.
" husband, aftcr getting his breakfast ready.
"Bs OF and don't bother me-" said the
gallant citizen. -lf lwere asleep, ! would
not tell you"
Tcnnyson, the English laureate, has a
street named after him in Boston. Holmes,
the Massachusetts laureate, has hole
named after him; j, is called "Holmes's
Hole"
When the Chinese have street row, the
consequences are direill. The other day
two men had n mitf. and before they were
rcconciled. cish, hundred cues belonging to
dead Cinnamon were picked up.
A Paris paper apologies to its readers
for being compelled to make an ardfam, II
having placed four marriages under the
mercantile heading Of declarations Of fail.
ure."
An English clergyman, misled by the
prevalent printing Of certain scriptura'
words in italic, read in sonorous voice,
with undue emphasis, "And he spake unto
his sons. saying. Saddle me an ass And
they ssddled him."
The following epitaph conveys rather an
cquivocal compliment to the deceased's
lord and master: "Maria Brown. wife OF
Timothy Brown, aged eighty years. She
lived with her husband fly years, and died
in the confding hope Of a better life.
A, a county fair in New Jersey, little
boy who was wildly running about and
bawling loudly, was inquired why he wePt,
The following reply touched all hearts
81 wan, nv nanny that's what's the
matter; I told tho darned thing she'd lose
me-"
A country grocer Of philosophic bent.
determined to observe what articles he sold
most generally during severe storm, and
thus determine what are the necessaries OF
life. The result was discovery thar yellow
snuff and rum led all the rest
A new idea with regard to weddings has
been invented in Connecticut. A citizen
Of that State announces that his golden
wedding will come of just thirty years
from now. AMI offers liberal discount on
any presents his friends then design to make
him.
81 remember" says Lord Biden, "sir.
Justice Gould trying case at New York,
and when he had proceeded for about two
hours, he observed, Here are only eleven
,urymcn IN the box, where is the twelfth ?
'Plcase you, my lord said one Of the e'ev-
en-, he has gone away about some other
husiness-but he has kR has verdict rih
me ."
A broker, when escorting home fair
damsel, asked what sort Of money she liked
best. or course the blushing beauty in
stantly suggested ma,rimoney. "what in.
terest does il bhhg'" inquired the note
shaver. "lf properly invested" faltercd
the fair charmer. "if properly invested, il,
viii double the original stock every three
years"
Dickens, in his farewell dinner speech
in London, said that he never allowed his
calling to he pa,ronizcd in his person. This
SIMPLE announcement created quite sen
sa,ion among his hearers. Il 10 understood
To- refer tn an invitation to act theatrical
par at the palace in Windsor, to which re-
turned the simple answer: "Mr. Dickens
declines to appear as an artist in any place
where he could not appear as a man."
An anec,lo,e Of the Duke Of Cambridge
is "going the rounds" This prineely car.
pet warrior is commandcr.in-chicfo Of the
British army, and in his military character
is somewha. prone to blasphemy. A wag.
gish colonel who had been the object Of
several emphatic espls,ives, who asked II
the Duke had arrived 10 take tho command