Delaware State journal and statesman. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1855-1870, 1867-02-05

for his etomaohs cake 7" $50 he did but my
name ia not Timothy, and there's nothing the
matter with my stomach"
Whats the matter, Uncle Jerry p said Mr..
-, as old Jeremiah R. was passing by,
growing most ferociously. Matter = said the
old man, stopping short: why, here I've been
Juggling water all the morning for DIR. C-'s
wife to wash with, and what dye s'pOse got
for itr why, suppose about ten cents an
sWered Mr.. -. Ten cents She told me
the Doctor would pull tooth for me some time
young man from the city was seen in vii
lage at evening looking about attentiyely in the
gutter. What are you looking for y said the
man whose shop was Wis avis. Some pieces of
gold.' 'oh, will assist you,' and out he came
with lantern. The neighbors oil came with
lanterns, aud were buSily cropping in the gutter
al this news. After time, during which the
young man let them search by themselves, the
hrst spokesman said, Are you sure you lost the
gold pieces here2' Il said nothing about losing
any money; only wanted to find some-that Is
the difference He was careful to make him
self scarce after this practical joke.
scsne.-( (Clergyman's study. A countryman
standing before the Clergyman, with face full
Of solemn purpose.) Reverend Gent-'But you
really have no serious reason to wish to be part
ed from your wife. Rustic.-'weli, no, Sir
likes my wife we'll enough, but you see, she
don't please mother2'
'sambo, Wy am dat Niger down dsr in de
hole OBJ de boat like q chicken in de eggr Il
gives um up 'Bskase he couldn't get out il ii
wasn't for de hatch.'
The irresistible inclination which children
whether small or larger growth-have to do
what they are gratuitously told not to do, is
pretty we'll illustrated by the following anecdote,
whether it be a true one or not: "A young
married man being about to leave home, said to
his wife: 'Now. Julia, you may do anything
you please while am away, except ride JoWler.
the house.dog.' sRide JoEler what do you
mean p Never mind, only warn you not to
ride Jowler.' When the husband came home
Julia had black eye and an arm in sling
: why, Julia, what's the matterF p We'll, you
told me not to ride JoWler, and thought it
must be very nice, or you wouldn't have told
me not to do it, SO got on his back, and he
threw me down stsirs.''
mother admonishing her son lad Of seven
years of age told him he should never defer till
tomorrow what he could do to-dsy. The little
urchin replied-'then, mother, let's eat the rest
Of the plum pudding tonight
Down East paper has the following local
notice: "A child vas run over by wagon
three years old and crOas.eyed with pautaoons
, on which never spoke sfterward.'
, An honest Hibernian, trundng along hand.
cart containing all his valuables, was acoosted
thus We'll, Patrick, you are moving again, ]
see.' Faith, am he replied, for the times
are so hard, t's dale cheaper hiring handoarti
than paying rints.'
Young man, do you believe in a future state ?
'In course duz and, what's more, intend to
: enter it as soon as Betsy gets her things ready.
: The Illinois Journal asks If we can throw
any light on kissing. We don't want to, the
thing goes just as well in the dark.
A romantic young man says that a young
woman's heart is like the moon it tchanges con
4 tinually, but 1t always has a man in it.
'Husband-'Mary, nay love, this apple-dump
b. ling is not half done.' Wife.-'Wel, finish it
then, my DEAR
q am rejoiced, my dear wife, to see you il
such good health, said Edwin to his Julia
Health have had the plague ever since
4, was married. was Julia's response.
ID You can do anything If you only hay
IL patience to watt said an old fogy to his SOD
Water may be carried in q sieve II you cal
ID watt How long?' queried the son, an I'm
pudent Young America, who could hardly wal
for the fathers obituary. Till IL freeEes.'
A correspondent from the Rocky Mountain
region says that when an Idaho girl is kisse
she looks up surprised, and in angelic tonee. i
which regret and resentment are equally com
= mingled, exclaims, How could your To Ehic
a. the swain replies, and is expected to reply, j
~ will give me great pleasure to show you.'
An old dutchmsn whipped his son for swearin
:, at him. The whipped boy still cursed, and th
:. father whipped him again. The spunky littl
'" chap was silent, but looked as il the devil Wa
~ in him. Thereupon the old fellow applying th
w whip to his shoulders, exclaimed: You don
say nothing, but know you tink dam, and +
~. whip you for dat
A punster says, "My name is Somerset.
am miserable old bachelor / cannot marry
" for how could hope to prevail on young lad
possessed Of the slightest notion Of decacy,
| turn a Somerset
Did the minister put stamp on you WHIT
,s. you we're married, MaryH' "A stamp, Charii'
IAN What forr why matches amt legal without
,ot stamp you know
sp. Sally said fellow to girl who had r,
1T, hair, keep away from me, or you'll set me
10y fire. NO danger of that replied the girl, "
ore are to green too burnp i
INK You saved my life at the battle Of Waterloo
len said beggar to a captain. Saved your lif
'g- hOwr Il served under you, and when you r.
ald away-AI follOwsdp
DC Are those bells ringing for fire ? inquir
ing Simon Of Tiberias. mo, indeed, answer
re- Tibe, they have got plenty Of fire. the bells q
ap ringing for water
w facetious editor recommends persons v
IS want to commit suicide to save the price Of 90
bowl or dagger, to 60 to Missouri, where th
~. will be killed gratis.
was A witty editor who has just failed says he
sst 1t with all the hOnOrs Of war, and retired fir
ALI the field with oOlOrs hying--sheriff's flags fl
rad tering from two windows and the door, and
the white flag hung out from his person as a tOl
uith Of surrender
ari. A pretty girl and wild horse are liable