The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-08-07

Our sympathies are largely drawn up
on in behalf of the young lady, who is in
trouble; her verses will explain what the
trouble is, and we hope the fellow who
is ''bothering" her, will 60 at once and
task her mother" --.,- =, .
! You've told me many time and oft -,
That was fair and comeIy; e
! My eyes were bright-my tresses soft
| While other girls were homely.
Shes quite young to know her win"
| The folks say to each other;
But if you truly love me still
-. Why, go ask my mother.
Pm told there's care in married life
| That all the joys in courting;
When young men have secured q wife
They say their VOWS are sporting.
Iwon't believe what old maids say,
fyou won't choose another;
You've bothered me SO much to-day
Do, so and ask my mother.
f. Mfr. "Bunsly," one Of the newspaper
philosophers of the day, gives the follow
ing lucid account ofthe method by which
the revenues Of the Government are
raised. - :. -.
Nov you see, in the Grst place they
get the amount of a felIer's business.
That-is taxed. Then-they find out how
much he earns every month, and that's
taxed. Then they find out all about bis
profits, and on that they lay their tax.
Then they manage to git. some tax on
what he owes. Next comes what they
call income, and that's taxed Then if
anything is left, the preacher calls around
and gifts it to sustain the church aud
convert the heathen." H.
A fellow who:had robbed an editor of
his pocket book returned it next day
with the following note - -
"You mizerable skunk, here's year
pocket book. don't keep sicb. For a
man dressed as we'll as you was to 60
round with a wallet AID nothing in it.
but a lot of newspaper scraps, an ivory
tooth comb, two one sent stamps, a pass
for railroad conductor and counter.
felt so cent shiaplaster, is coutemptis
BE. imposition on the public: As I heerR
your o editor return your trash, / new.
er robs any only gentleman" ( = ,
A certain farmers wife, after having
her child baptized in church, waited in
the, vestry till service was over, to have
the registrars certificate endorsed in the
usual manner. The minister, not being
quite sure of the date, said, in an inter
rogatiye tone: -..,.: =.
"This is the twentieth, I think2" the
worthy matron, understanding the query
to refer to the number of her family,
very indignantly rctorted: Il thipk,
sir, ye're very impident, for its only the
thirteenth" -
! Mr.. Swinburue in his new book is al
ways talking of seorcbing. kisses, and
says, of one of bis peculiar heroines-z..
>;sT dare not always touch her lest the kiss
Leave my lips chared." -. =.
|, One Of bis critics suggests that there
isa parallel to- -thisin literature, in the
case. of the web known monkey who
+. Married the baboon's sister, v.
SFnacked his lips and then he kissed her,
Kissed. $50 hard he raisedss blister; -.
She set up yeilF' -, -.- >.
Sharp, promising fittfc boy, just learn
ing TO talk weli:s. -
Father are you going to see the race,
today" - ,''>
'.'Fssher, frightening upSs'What race
my 500 viii there be?" -, :. -,
THE human race: -; -
Husband to wifs-"MaFy Atnr that
hoy viii be an editors pet :,
WHe-God forbid u
"You can do any thing. If yeu, only
have patience to watt" said an old fogy
to his son: Water may be carried
in a sieve ifyou can wait" 'tHow longs"
queried the son, an iupuaent apd inpa-
tient Young-America, who could hardly
wait for tho old. mans obituary. It'll
it freezes" - ..-.
4 man who won't. take a paper be-.
cause. he can borrow one, should, invent
a machine with which he can cook IBIS
dinner by the smoke IF his neigltbor's
chimney. .. =
= To save your meat from spelling in
shmmer>it should be eaten in The spring.