Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-06-21
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TINS two most prominent names in ancient
history-Ann 0 Mundi and Ann o Domini.
Az old bachelor seeing the words "Fami-
lies supplied, over the door Of shop, step
ped 10 and said he would take wife and two
children.
aTr is a shame, husband, that ! have to sit
here mendIng your old cIorhyol" Don't say
a word about it, wife; the least said, the soon
er mended
STORY is told of young man who was
crossed in love and attempted suicide by tax
ing dose of yeast powder. He Immediately
rose above his troubles.
Ar "a recent railroad celebration the follow
lowing sentiment was given:--"Our mothers
the only faithful tenders who never mis-
placed a switch"
"Do you like Goldfish balls, Mr.. Wiggins?'
~ really don't know, said Wiggins, mu-
sugly; 1 don't recollect of ever attending
one
"wlrr, said a hen pecked husband, go
to bed.
Il wont.
"Well, then, sit up viii be obeyed. 2
A FELLOW once pretended to have seen q
ghost, aud was asked what the apparition
said to him How should know?'' he re-
Piled, II am not skilled in the dead lau-
guagesi
A DocroR S wife attempted to move him by
tears. "Ann, said he, clears are useless.
have analysed them. They contain little
phosphate Of lime, some chlorate Of sodium
and water, nothing more.
''How long will your people listen with IN
terest? said strange preacher to pastor.
81 have never tried them, and would advise
you not to, was the reply. If your sermon
is good, don't spoil it by oyergorging Ifit is
poor, they viii want less of it.
A YOUNG gentleman who was at one time
very much smitten with a pretty little Friend
said that in his travels tn. ough the West In
dies he often felt some very severe shocks
from earthquakes, but they we're not a cir
cumstauce when compared with those expe-
rieneed from this little earth quaker
-
Va, which was christened Andrew. Jackson
Gordon-James- Buchanan Raise The Flag and
Fire The Cannon Dobbyns.
There is another in Charlotte county, nam
ed Mary Ann Rebecca- Molly Polly TODD
Yankee Doodle Yahoo- Bonaparte Kelso.
"Is there any person whom you would par.
ticularly wish me to marry" said widow ex-
pectant to her dying spous e, who had been
somewhat Of tyrant in his day. MARRY the
devil, if you like" was the gruff reply. "oh,
no, my dear; you know it is not law to marry
two brothers.
A GENTLEMAN, in the spring time Of life
when walking with lady, stumbled and fell
On his resuming his perpendicular the lady
remarked, ''She was sorry for his unfortu
nate taur paus II didn't hurt my fore
paws, said he, Il only scraped my knee
"Boss, want twenty-five cents, said
jour. printer recently to his employer
Twenty-Five centsl how soon do you want it,
John ?" Next Tuesday week. As soon as
that? You can't have it, I've told you so
often that whea you are in want of so large a
sum of money you must give me at least four
weeks notice.
"AHD ye have taken the teetotal pledge,
have ye?n said somebody to an Irishman.
''Indade have, and am not ashamed of it
aither"
''And did not Paul tell Timothy to take a
little wine for his stomach's sake?" Sure
he did, but my name is not Timothy and
there's nothing the matter with my stomach
Mn. JOKES met Mr.. Smith, as be was going
on board steamer on the Mississippi, and
asked, (Which way, Smith, up or down."
''That depends upon circumstance re-
marked the latter; "If 1 geta berth over the
boiler, I shall probably go up--if in the cabin,
down"
A GENTLEMANl.y- agent Of certain oity vros
collecting fares from the passengers of very
full bus one morning. All paid promptly ex-
cept one fat old lady, who sat next the door,
and who seemed to be reaching down as if to
get something she had dropped on the floor.
When her time came to pay she raised her
head and thus addressed the bIushing youth:
Il alters, when ! travels, carry my money in
my stockin, for you sees, nothing can git it
thar, and I'D thank you, young man, iist to
retch it for me as I'm so iamrued IN tho, I