The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-01-08
Chambermaids.
AN ESSAY BY MARK TWAIN.

AN ESSAY BY MARK TWAIN.
Against all chambermaids, of what |
soever age or nationality, [ launch the
curse of bachelordom!
Because
They always put the pillows at the
opposite end of the bed from the gas
burner, so that while you read and
smoke before sleeping Gas is the an
Gent and honored custom of bache
lors), you have to hold your book
aloft, IN an uncomfortable position, to
keep the light from dazzling your
eyes.
When they find the pillow removed
to the other end of the bed in the
morning, they receivenot the sugges-
ton in. friendly spirit, but, glorying
in their absolute sovereignty, and I'M
plying your helplessness, they make
the bed just as it was originally, and
gloat in secret over the pang your
tyranny will cause you. @s
Always after that, when they find
YOU have transported the pillows, they
undo your work, and thus defy you
and seek to imbitter the hte that God
If they eannot get the light in All
inconveDient position any other way,
they move the bed. saT se sas
IF you pull your trunk out six
inches from the wall. so that the lid
will stay up when you open it, they
always shove that trunk back again.
They do it on purpose.
IF you want the spittoon in GER
tain spot, where it will be handy, they
don't. And so they move it.
! They always put your other boots
into inaccessible places. They chiefly
enjoy depositing them as far under
the bed as the wall permits. 1t is
because this compells you to get down
in an undignifed position and make
wild sweeps for them with the boot
| Jack, and swear.
They always put the match box in
some other place. They hunt up a
new place for it every day, and put a
bottle or other perishable glass thing,
where the box stood before. This Is
to cause you to break that glass thing,
grouping in the dark, and get yourself
into trouble.
They are forever and ever moving
the furniture. When you come IN
in the night, you can calculate on
finding the bureau where the ward
robe was in the morning. And if you
!. 60 out in the morning, if you leave
the slop- bucket by the door and the
rockingham by the window, wher
i you come home at midnight, or there
about, you will fall over the rocking
chair, and you will proceed towarC
the window and sit down in that slop
tub. This will disgust you. The.
like that.
0 No matter where you put anything
: they are not going to let it stay there
: They will take it and move it the frs
chance they get 1t is their nature
And, besides, it gives them pleasur
= to be mean and contrary this way
They would die if they couldn't b
Williams.
h They always save up all the oil
scraps of printed rubbish you thro
= on the floor, and stack them up care
? fully on the table, and then start tn
" fire with your valuable manuscript
80 IF there is any one particular old scra
that YOU are more down on than al
other. and which you are gradual
Z wearing your life out trying to get r
s, of, you may take all pains you poss
D. bly, can in that direction, but it won
!. be of any use, because they will a
r. ways fetch that old scrap back an
re put it in the same old place aga
JUS Jus every time. 1t does them good.
les And they use more hair oil TIL
. any six men. If charged with pu
ne he Joining the same, they lie about
tiy What do they care about hereafte
,es Absolutely nothing. go
!. If you leave your key in the dc