The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1867-08-01
The Russian YapOr Bath-Mark
TWain.S Experience therein,

l only got over a cal2mltous cold IN
the head yesterday, and to day | felt
like the breaking up of a hard Win
ter. [ had the blues, and a ceaseless
drumming and ringing IN the cars,
and a d~eadenlng oppression on the
brain, and a horrible sense of suffo-
cation. The weather was cold, and
the gasses from the villainous coal
fire were sitting. Beside all these
little inconvenience, my thoughts
persistently ran on funerals and sui
eide. [ was in a fit frame of mind for
any desperate enterprise, and with a
recklessness that even stirred a sort
of dull admiration within me, | re-
solved to go and take atbath. In FIVE
minutes l was breasting the frosty
wind and ploughing through the soft
new snow, and in fifteen [ stumbled
upon the place where they keep the
monster they call the Russian bath.
This was rather more than [ bargain
ed for, but l hesitated only a moment
and went in. | went up stairs in the
stylish building, and along a
carpeted hall, and entered a
large and sumptuously furnished
and decorated drawing room, with
pictures hung round the walls, and a
general air of comfort and luxury
visible all about the place that could
not be otherwise than exasperating to
a man in my frame of mind. A very
polite man entered my name in a
book, taxed me a dollar and aquarter,
took charge of my watch and port
monaie, gave me a ticket and turned
me over tt an attendant, who on
Quoted me into another part of the
house and gave me a neat stateroom
wherein to undress.
When [ came out of there, a fine
healthy young descendant of Adam [
think he was a descendant of Adam
because he hadn't anything on but a
fig leaf made of a rag) took me into a
large apartment that was as hot as
sin, and gave me a basin ofcold water
to wash my face in, and a cup of ice
water to drink, and then left me. The
place had a l~atticed floor, and a great
plunge bath in the middle OF it, and
two long rows of high, broad marble
benches, running down the sides-a
sort of stairways that reached halfway
up to the ceiling. The room began
to fill with steam, and | began to
sweat. | oozed drops of water from
every pore as large as marbles--marbles
of the small kind. | climbed up on
| the bench, and then on the next and
| finally to the third-and the higher l
went the hotter it got. The fog grew
thicker and thicker, till the gas lights
were only faint blurs in the mist. |
could not breathe through my nose
any more, because the steam was so
thick; [ had to inhale it through my
mouth-and if [ hadn't had a mouth
like a ships hatchway [ must have
sufocated anyhow. | was a little
scared, thinking about steamboat ex-
blossoms and things, because l knew
[ was carrying about sixty pounds of
steam to the square inch, and if [ ever
shut down nv throttlevalve for d sin
gle moment | was bound to collapse a
hue. But it was a comfort to me to
know that | had such a head on by
this time that if [ did let go | would
be likely to blow the most of that
bath house over into Jersey some
where.
At this critical period, Adam APP
peared, and | was uncommon glad to
see him, Notwithstanding he doomed so
vaguely through the shrouding mist
that | could not swear saw him at all.
He put me under a cold shower bath
and turned a deluge loose on me.
But it felt good. Next he laid me
on a marble bench and soaped me
and scrubbed me all over with an in
plement that was rough for a brush,
but soft for a curry comb. [ got an
other shower bath after this, and
then the outcast stood me up and
shot me IN the back with a spray of
hot water hat made me face around
we'll, as quick as you might say
and instantly shot me with a spray of
ice water-aud when | whirled again
| caught a blast of hot air above, a
spray OF hot water below, and a jet OF
ice-water like a thousand needles 10
the middle. The operation makes a
man get round a. spry as anything |
know of. But it is exquisite torture.
Then this inhuman Russian posted
me in a corner and discharged a vol
ley OF boiling hot and ice cold stream
of water against every part of my
body. To say that this makes a man
frisky. is to use language of u~nspeaka-
BILE tameness. Then [ was told to
jump into the plunge bath. [ said,
with some irony, hat if [ was to &c
into a furnace next, and afterwards
into an ice chest, and then suffer an