Des Arc weekly citizen., 1867-05-04
sALMAGUNDI.

| in front of the real ears, which are drawn back and concealed under the hair.
 SO-A celebrated wit was asked why ho did not marry young lady to whom he was so attached. I know not said he, except the regard we have for each other.
 Bay Old Bachelor Sheer would like. to know what kind of a broom the lady in the last novel used when she swept back the raven ringlets from her classic brow.
 geE- An Arkansas editor has recently had new shirt collar presented him, and he is now waiting for some one to give him shirt, so that he may put the the collar to use at present it is per- feet superfiuity.
 aM.Some fellow, enamorcd of young lady named Anna Bread, dropped the fol- lowing from his pocket-we expect:
 '.while bellies their lovely graces spread,
 Ana 1opS around them Hutter,
 I'll be content with Anna Bread,
 And not have any BUT HER" rea- Little Sallie was teaching her younger brother the Lords Prayer. They went on smoothly until they arrived at "give us our daily bread" "No sissy we want cake" And he refused to pro ceed until the desired amendment was made.
 BgA temperance lecturer having all eye to business, short time since, fin ished his discourse thus: And finally, my hearers, why should any of you drink ardent spirits? My son, Tom, has got as good cider as any in the country at sixpencc quart"
 GIRLS HEAR THIS IA Western pa- per says: "When you see girl so lazy that she can't sweep her own seven-by nine chamber and then goes to shin- dy and dances all night with the power of locomotive, make up your mind she is "got up on bad principles. The sooner you take your hat and depart, the better. Such sort of calico has been the ruin of many man."
 neA-An exchange is responsible for tho following slanderous insinuation. India rubber lips-what nexty "Some of the ladies wear false lips, made of pink India rubber, which are attached to thin lips ia manner which defes detection, and which gives pretty pouting appearance to the mouth. If any one suspects that the lips of his lady friend arc Artificial, he can prove the fact by the natural method"
 Bsg, An old joke illustrates this arti- cle: "My friend, said seedy individ ual to an acquaintance at the ferry, 'I wish you would loan mo two quarters to cross the ferry hain't got dollar in the world"
 "Well, would like to know" was the reply, "what difference it makes to a man who hasn't got dollar in the world, which side of the river he is on?o n. -
 ET J. B. was stingy old creature, eager fer money, but he was jealous member of church, and ostentatious in his religious exercises:
 "John," said Catharine to her broth CT, "what could have made that stingy al J urpotot n ch,;e{;o, ov
 q can tell you" said John, sshe has read that the streets of New Jerusalem are paved with gold, and he is deter mined to get there." m 6
 A PosTscRIpT.-sI love to look upon a young man. There is hidden poten- cy within his breast which charms and pains me-"
 The daughter of an old clergyman happening to find the above sentence at the close of her fathers manuscript, as he had left it in his study, sat down and added: e aq. o ~
 "Them's my sentiments exactly papa, excepting the 'pains.'"
 r6- A short time since the following appeared;
 Why is beard like common sense?
 Because no woman possesses it.
 At which lady correspondent "goes for itr in the following manner:
 Why is the author of the above like certain worn out instrument of mu- sic?
 Because hc is an abandoned tyre (liar.)
 seA. Punch illustrates "unbecoming lev ity," by presenting wood cut of the scene in church, wherein crowd of spectators are awaiting the arrival of wedding party. To the scene is append ed this dialogue by way of glossary:
 Fair Young Lady-I see somebody in the crowd outside waving handkerchief. l suppose the bride is approaching.
 Light Young Man--Handkerchiefg- g- White one? By love, perhaps, it's re- prieve
 b1-Persimmons says of his first sere- made: "It was the witching hour of 1 A. h., when church yards yawn. Every thing was hushed, and stiffness reigned profound. I commenced to sing, T Bring Little Flower to Thee Sophro- nia was hanging out of the window, and  it was through her solicitation that I en. deavored to warble this cussed piece; T Bring Little Flower to Thee Sophro- nia's nan sfYrck his knad out If fbo v,;n