North Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1867-current, 1867-07-10
What . Little BOY Tho't about Things.

What a Little BOY Tho't about Things.
Iam little boy about SO many years
old, don't know whether I'm good little
boy, but I'm afraid not, for sometimes
do wicked things, and once cut sisters
kittens tail off with the chopin knife,
and told her big dog came along and bit
it off and swallowed it down before poor
kitty could say Jack Robinson, and sister
said she was sorry and it must have been a
very naughty dog, but my mother didn't
believe me, and said she was afraid had
told lie, and I'm afraid l had SO then
she asked me if knew where liars went
to and said yes that they went to New
York and wrote for the newspapers she
said no-that they went to the bad place
where was nothin' but lake of fire and
brimstun,' and she asked me if would
like to 90 there, and said No for did
MT think there'd be much skatin' and sill
din on that lake, and the boys couldn't
SNOWFALL each other on shore, and she
said it was more than that, just as though h
that wasn't bad enough, for l don't think
they can play base ball nuther then she
asked me if l wouldn' like to be nangel
and have harp, and said No! I'd ra-
ther be stage-driver and have big drum,
for couldn't play Oh t'other thing. So
shouldn't like to be nangel, for their
wings must be in the way when they 60
swimmin,' and play tag and leap-frog |;
and besides it must be hard to fly, when
one amt used to it. But it would be jolly
to be stage-driver, and have long whip
and touch up the leaders, and say G'lang
there, what are We doin on should like
that much better'n fyin'; and then mother
said that there was dreadful stage of sin,
and brother Bob hollered and said that he
guessed was on it, and then she whipt'd
us and sent us to bed without any supper,
but didn't care about supper, for they
hadn't nothin but bread and butter for
tea, and Bob and got up and he lifted
me in at the pantry window, and we got o
mince-pie and whole hat-full of dough-
nuts, and they thought it was the cook
stole 'em, and sent her away the next day,
and Bob said he was glad Of it for she did
MT make good pies, and the doughnuts
wasn't fried enough, and sometimes do
swear, for said by-golly the other day,
and sister heard me, and she told mother,
and mother said was bad boy and wo'
bring her grey hairs to the grave, and she
whipped me, but don't think it did her
grey hairs any good, and it hurt me, and
when got up stairs l said col darn it, but
l said it so she didn't hear me, and when
she asked me if didn't think was very
wicked said was afraid was, and |
was sorry for it, and wouldn't do so no
more, and then she said was good lit
| tie boy, and told me about George Wash
ington who cut down the apple tree, and
was caught at it, and owned mp and said
he did it with his little hatchet, Just as
though hadn't heard all about it before,
and didn't always think that he was big
stupid for cuttin' wood when they had a
hired man about the house, and dullin his
little hatchet, and besides it would have
been great deal jollier to let the tree be,
so he conld have stole apples of it in the
fall, and don't care if he was the Father
of the Country, he wasn't smart. and I'll
bet you that the boys of our school would
cheat him out of his eye-teeth swoppin'
jack and could lick him and not
hardly try, and don't think he was very
healthy either, for never saw good lit
tie boy that wasn't always sick and had the
mumps and the measles and the scarlet fe-
ver and wasn't a coughin' all the while
and hadn't to take castor oil, and tar-wa.
tei, and couldn't eat cherries, and didn't
have to have his head patted till all the
hair was rubbed off by everybody that
came to his mothers, and be asked how
old he was, and who died to save sinners,
and what he had been studdyin' at school,
and how far hed got, and lots of other con-
undrums, and have to soy his catechism,
mol shouldn't like to be good little boy,
I'd just as lief be nangel and have done
with it, but don't think ever shall be q
good little boy, and other people don't
think 50 too, for wasn't never called a
good little boy but once, and that was
when Uncle John asked me where stood
in my class, and told him was next to
the head, and he said that was right, and
he gave mo a quarter, and than he asked
me how many boys there was in the class,
and ! said there was only two, myself and
a little girl, and then he wanted me to give
him back the quarter, and wouldn't and
he run after me and stumbled over a chair
and broke his cane, and hurt himself, J. and
he's been lame ever since, and Pm glad OF
it, for he isn't my father, and hasn't got
| any TISHt W lCA 1uc, AOA 1 ScC oAouSu vi
that at home, and the quarter wasn't a
good one either. don't like Uncle John,
and guess he knows it for he says ! ain't
like any Of the family, and he expects Ill
20 to sea and be a pirate instead of re-
spectacle member of society, and should
mt wonder, for I'd rather be pirate than
a soap-boiler like him, and don't care il
he is rich, it's nasty business, and !
shan't have to be pifste either, for one
can make lots of money without that, and
they're always talkin' to me about bein'
rich, and respectable, and goin' to Con-
gress and bein' President and all that sort
of thing, but don't want to be President,
there's tLincoln, he was president, and !
guess he's sorry for it now, and there's
Andy johnson, guess he doesn't like il
much either, and feller doesn't have to
be respectable to be q congressman, there s
John Morrissey, he's made money, and
he's gone to Congress, and he has nice cur
ly hair and nice clothes, and he don't do
any work cit;.er, shouldn't like to be a
fighter like he is, for shouldn't like to
have my nose smashed as his is, for it
looks just like mothers big squash did
after the COW bit chunk out OF it, but