Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1867-07-26


monographs
The Jealous man is alwuz hunting.
He is alwuz a hunting for sumthing that
he don't expekt tew find, and after he haz
found it, he is mad bekause he haz. These
fellers don't beleav in spooks, and yet they
are about the only folks who ever see emmy.
A jealous man IL always happy jist in pro-
portion as he is mizerable. 81
Jealousy IL a disease, and it. is good
deal like sea-sickness-d dreadful sick and
kant vomit.
The Anonymous Man boards at red tav-
ern, and pays for biz board by tending bar
occasionally. He amt got nosaore karakter
than the jack ov spades haz when he amt
trumps. -
He is loafer bi professhuns without emmy
vices.
He rides on the box once i'm while with
the driver, and nobody thinks ov asking for
his stage fare.
He sprung from respectable family his
grandfather wus justiss ov the peace; but
he haz not got vanity enuff tew brag about
it.
He amt necessarily phool, emmy more
than bulTs-eye watch is if emmy body will
wind him up, he will sett still and run quiet
" down.
The Stiff Nan looks down when he walks
upon folks. He don seem teW have but
one timber jinte in him, and that is located
in hiz noze.
He il kind ov masculine turkey on pa
rade in barnyard.
He IL generally loaded with wisdum clear
up tew the muzzlc, and when he goes oph,
makes a noise like kannon, but don't dew
emmy dammage.
[ hav seen him fire into crowd and miss
evry man.
This kind ov stiff man IL very handy tew
hatter. They seem tew know they amt en-
titled tew good article, and therefore are
satisfied with very hard soap.
There amt but tn men who git stiff on
what they acktually pheel.
Stiff men are called aristokrats, but this
amt so. There amt no SIGH thing as aristo-
krats in this country.
The country amt long enuf yet, unless 8
man has got sum Indian in him.
Az a general thing stiff men git mad dred
full easy, and hav tew git over it dredfp
easy, bekause folks amt apt tew git a bis
skare at what they amt afraid ov
, Stiff Han had a grandfather once wh(
went to Kongress from our districkt, an(
there amt one in the whole family that ha.
been able tew cit timber sinse
; The Model INan never disturbs hen whel
she IL setting; never speaks cross tew los
1orU alWuz nuts q five cent shinnlaSter II
his vest pocket late Saturday mite tew hav i
ready Sunday morning for the church platter
rizes whenever lady enters the street kars
remembers yure uncle plainly, and asks afte
awl the family. II he steps on kat's tale
he IL sure tew 60 it light, and immediatel.
asks her pardun; reads the Phunny Phc5
zoacs, and lafs bekause he kant help it
hooks up hiz wife's dress, and plays hos
with the children Never NEEDLES with tn
milk in the milk pans; goes eazily ov er
; rands and Gums back in seazon; attends ev
cry boddy's phuneral; kan alwuz tell whe
the moon changes thinks jist az yu do, an
follows every boddy's advice but his own
pracktises most ov the virtews withou
knowing it; leads the life Of a shorn lamb
= gifts sick after while, and dies az soon a
he kan to save making emmy further trubble
! The model mans vices are not feared, no
: his virtews respeckted He lives in tn
: memory of the wurld jist about az long az
pleasant day duz.
. He may be called 'klever feller," an
4 that is only libel; but he will git his re
ward hereafter-when the birds git theirs
u