The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-04-27

sion SO bloated that they we're hardly to
be recognized, although they assured
their weeping wives ashley helped them
/ of to ;bed-"hain't touched (hio) drop
to-day, ma'am hope't def have. .U Then
waking up in the morning with throb-
Ebing temples and bewiIdered brain,
they tried in vain to recall any occa-
sion during the previous day when they
had wandered away from the establish
ed principles Of life time and taken
to the boWl-HWhat drugs. what
i lcharnls, what conjurations, and what
yatR!0hty magic, u had got them on a
"bumT .fss4-i 7-rtn si-i
! One aged and highly respectable citi.
zen, who never tasted liquor in his life,
and consequently could belong to "a
temperance society with impunity, was
seen winding his way hOmeward the
other day, with his hat jammed down
Onlthe back of his head and his face
redolent and jolly, while he was sling.
ing: 5Sad ss9 = - i.6..al NJ - .''i,z :
u"Lanord, fill'F flowin' bowl, $50 81
~ Foo balls, foo (hicl balls, z
/ 7i And Uncle Johnny s inRrchlni home. a.
| His wife didn't know him at frat. as
he entered the house. his ,countenance
was SO changed, and then the ends OF
that white cravat, which she always
tied, were flying in the emost outlandish
manner about his LEFT ear; his clothes
i were disordered and soiled, and that
hat t!-she had never seen such u sight in
all her born or married days. i.i
He pulled 1t off, swung 1t wildly
around his head with a"whopee 7" and
! then shied It with scientific exactness
upon the bust OF Douglas, giving a hor-
rible gfotesque leer to the distinguished
statesman as It dropped over bis eve.
DE offered to bet two dollars and q. hall
that She knew whOIhe was, and could
I whip any man that wasn't;'t then look
Ing round upon his weeping family with
a slight gleRm of returning reason, he
yelled: 40, Pm a wreck !i' and. burst
ing into tears, besougbt his Oldest girl
to bring in gutter for him to 'sWalIew''
gtn.5 He felt that he must wallow. He
wuslugged up stairs to bed, insanely
shouting, "gutters for one"
1t fortunately came ont iu'the papers
the next day, lit would have appeared
before, but the editors, who it is known
imbibeextraVAgant Quantities OF water,
were tncapacitated for work them
selves that great quantities Of whisky
had become mingled with the hydrant
water.1 1t had hoateddown Deer Creek
from a burning distillery to the river,
where the city have the most complete
and effective arrangements possible'for
stopping anything ofa ddmnable order
that finds its way down the creek, and
pumping it into the reservoir.
The excellent old gentleman above
alluded to had determined TO putan
end to his worthless existence when he
came toa full realiz ition of what he had
done, but looking over a morning pa
| per to see If it was going to be a very
good day. 'Or suicides, any, how. he
read about the Deer creek whisky,
That explained the whole business at
once, and gave him a renewal OF life.
He, danced wildly around ,therr
embraced his family with ecstatic ioy,
and invited them to Join him in "a glass
of water all round.
? Since it has become generally known
that there is whisky in the hydrant
water, there has been a wondeFtulFin-
crease in water drinking. People drink
1t now who haven't tasted It before in
years. They get up in the night to
drink it. AT bars they call for deer
creek straight" The water works have
been compelled to keep all their en-
gtnes at work pumping day and night
10 supply the demand. The old play
says "wine works wonders" but ii has
recently been demonstrated that water
works wonders also. Ask the water
works ifit don't. Men have been caught
filling their TASKS with IL to take along
on journey. 1
The effect among the female portion
OF the community was scarcely less ter
rtble than among the men. What do
you think of a company of nice old
ladies getting hilarious at aitea party
the dear, innocent creatures uncon.
sciously putting themselves outside of
q glass OF hot whisky in every cup.
The hostess glows ru bicund,l hospita-
BILE, and presses her guests to "try lust
another cup" which they can't refuse,
''it is such b-e-a-u!tifnl tea, where did
you get it. Is 1.-THE Long Arm Chob2T
h1 One old lady remarked that she
"hadn't tasted such (hic) 'licious team
t-o-r-t+y years. Hal cup II please" !"
Then, as the evening wore on, thew had
toasts with their Tea, and songs, keep
Ing time with the tea cups, thumpingiy
on the table. 1t was Jolly old party,
And then, when the carriages come 10
take them home, they send word to the
"old man" that they Won't go home
Till morning" and finally wind mp by
smashing all the tea things. Terrible
thing, wasn't iIf and the dear old crea-
lures not knowing that barrels on bar
rsls ofswhisky had been pumped into
the hydrants. .G5laAe . %
Kitchen girls were great sufferers
] from the fumes of boiling water.
Washerwomen all over the city, bend
ing over their washtubs, which were
nothing less than great wooden bowls
of hot whisky punch, dropped down
into helpless slate of fintoxication, and
had to be put to bed and dosedWith va
lerian and assaIoetida pills. - MN
Temperance folks are dismayed. A
lodge OF those worthy people attempted
70 bold their regular meeting the other
night, not having heard. as yet of the
Deer Creek calamity. The meeting very
nearly broke up in a rows each brother
clamorously accusing some one else of
coming there sin state of (hicl intoxi-
cation" One influential member offer
ed resolution to 'Ehte) 'spel every one
OF us N aI - -
II was most unacc0uutable state of
affairs, but they settled it at length by
| agreeing to forgive. each other, II they
wouldn't do it again. They initiated a
new member, pledging him several
times in bumpers OF Deer creek. BE
| was hnally moved to make a speech.
Sald ne. .Cietl tlemen, -I'm (hic) d d'liRhted, /,
I'm I'm nap'ly dis fhic) p,inted. Folks said
,k,,1;IJ meg meg Sons couldn't have no Fun.
81 g Ss y, NE enjoyed self'sl much in
! gay ever 'sPeraneed. give toast :
i King Aikali pr - - - ETifI1
The toast was drank In objsts ~ va
ter standing. ..except,in the caSe Of some
who couidn!1 stand any more, who h.fI
retired. They then dispersed Fier
singing: H9ara
.Col' Wa'er, coli Wa'er. hi JFSa'er for me.
4 And wine Iorser ITetnhtln' Uebdrnhsk ksa;ii
The Government Inspector Of whis-
| ky Is about today leYyiDg the usual
two dollars tax on, ali hydrant water.
Tm MOTHERS RIGHF.-SOon after
the fist Napoleon became Emperor, he
Iappenedlt to meet his mother IN the gar;