The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-08-28
SPICE
THE MILE STONE.

Along a road two Irish lads
One Summers day were walking,
And all the while with laugh and shOus,
In lively strain were talking
About the fair, about the girls,
| And who were best at dancing;
While at each pretty face they met
Their eyes were brightly glancing.
And as they strode for many mile ,
! They grew in time quite friSky,-
And now and then, from lip to lip,
They passed the darling whisky.
At length, before them in the hedge, .,
The roadside view commanding,
/ They saw, its white sides lettered DER,
A milestone lonely standing.
I They read and quickly dotted their hats,
With sorrow in their faces;
Then, turning with reverential awe,
They stepped back several PAGES.
Speak low, we're near the dead, said
one,
"His grave we'll not be troublin';
An old man sure! 100, and
/" His name is Miles from Dublin!"
+ John tells story of Thompson and
Rogers, two married bucks of New York.
who wandering home late one night,
stopped at what Thompson supposed was
his residence, but which his companion
insisted was his own house. Thompson
rang the bell Justify, when window
was opened, and lady inquired what
was wanted.
Madam" inquired Mr. T., "isn't this
Mr.. T-Thonpson's house,
mo, replied the lady, "this is the
residence of Mr.. Rogers.
well" exclaimed Thompson, *Mrs.
TT -Thompson-5ey your pardon-Mrs.
| Rogers, won't you just step down to the
door and pick oct Rogers, for Thomp-
! son wants to 60 home"
/ An old poet gives the following ins
,structions as to how men should trea.
/ women !: -
"When thou art married, seek, to
please thy wife ); but listen not to all she
says. FROM mans right side a rib was
taken to form the woman; and never was
there seen rib quite straight. And
lwouldst thou straighten it? 1t breaks,
but bends not. Since, thea, 'tis plain
that crooked is woman temper, forgive
her faults, and blame her not; nor let
her anger thee, nor coercion 5use, as all
is vain to straightcn what is curved"
During the recent session Of the Equal
Rights conventions a. -strongminded fc-
male entereda street railroad car. An
old gent rose to give her a seat, but
asked - =;
"Be yeu one Of those women's right
ers?"
II be-"
"You believe woman SHOULD have all
the rights of e uran ?"
+ eyes, I do"
"Fhen stand up and enjoy them like a
man ;" and stand up she did.
''Ame!ia, for thee-ycs, at thy com
! maud, Id tear this eternal armament
into thousand fragments-I'd gather
the stars, one by one, as they tumbled
from the regions of ETHEREAL space, and
put them in my trowsers pockets; I'd
pluck the sun-that oriental god of day,
that traverses the blue arch Of heaven in
such majestic splendor-l'd tear him
form the sky and quench his bright
efulgenee in ahe,fountain Of my eternal
love for thee!" T,
Amelia-"Don't, Henry, ii would be-
so very dark" r.. .-, &. :
"My wife tells the truth three times a
day." remarked a jocose old fellow, at
the same time casting a mischievous
glance at her. Before rising in the
morning she says: oh, dear, must get
up, but l don't want to p After break
fast she adds: We'll, suppose I must
60 to work, but I don't want to- and
she goes to bed, saying: There, have
been working all day, and haven't done
anything"
He who weds belle must lookout for
the clapper--this never is seen until
after the ring. Be sure to ascertain
whether the young lady is "sound" on
such things as pie-making, else your
house will be all pi at a time when it
will be impossible 10 "set 'em up again.
The Colorado Times says that there
are three things which woman cannot
do. She cannot sharpen a lead pencil,
cannot do up bundle, and cannot carry =,
an umbrella.
Mrs. Partington says she did not marry
her second husband because she loved
the male sex but just because he was
the size of her first protector, ard could
wear out his old clothes.
'Now, children" said a school inspec-
tor, ''who loves all men ?" A little girl
not four years old, and evidently not
posted in the catechism, answered quick
ly, "All women"
"shc only wore a single rose," accord
ing to the song. Rather light costume.
The wind wasn't probably East that day.
"Will you lend father your newspaper,
sir he only wants to read it" "4es
my boy, and ask him to lend me his
dinner, only want to eat it."
If the ant gives an example Of indus
Try, it is much more than good many
lncles do.