The Van Buren press., 1867-05-17

OF the Havcrsack" The following are
specimens: W0. ... |."
Hugh Nc, a son Of the Emeral Isle,
who had volunteered from Fairfield dis.
'aRt, $. c., in the 9th regiment of infantry,
was stationed on the beach of Sullivans
Island with strict orders to walk between
two points and to let no one pass him
without the countersign, and that to be
communicated, only in whisper, Two
hours aiterward, the corporal with the re-
lief discovered, by the moonlight, Hugh up
to his waist in water, the tide having set
IN since he had been postol -.Tr-
"Wlfogo there ?"
Relief ...,..... ........
Halt, relief: advance, corporal, and
give the countorsign.'
Corporal /" am not going in there to be
drowned come out here, and let me relieve
YOU"
Hugh " Devil a bit of it the Leftenant
tould me not to lave me post"
Corporal Well, then, I'll leave you in
the water all night" (Going away as he
sp9ko) l,lmf. ...l
' Hugh " Halt! I'll put hole in ye, if
ye pass without the. eounterSign. Them's
me orders from the Leftenant." Cooking
and leveling his gun % ~.
Corporal "Conlound you everybody will
hear it, if I brawl out to you"
Hugh Ies, me darlin, and the Ieiten-
ant said it must be given in whasper.-
lnwith ye, me fngur's on the trigger. and
lie gun may so off.
The corporal had to yield to the force of
the argument, and wade in to the faithful
sentinel, whoremarkel that
. "The bloody tide has most drowned
me-"
Col, r. spent The winter in Loxing-
ton, Ky. a friend Of his went out to visit
him. "Come Sunday says the Colonel;
81 want you to hearken to our church bells
here. There's four of 'em. Each of EN-
sounds out It's own UNCONVENTIONAL call.
There's the Episcopal. That is a
heavy, deep-toncd, sonorous bell Now
you see if that don't ring out-'Postolic
succession !! 'PoStolic succession 2 r.
Then the old Presbyterian-that's
most. as deep sounding, and that says
Eternal dam mna-tion. nd
"The Baptist is qucker-a sharp, snap
py bell and that says rapid-Come up and
be dipped Come up and be dipped |!
Come up and be dipped Come up and be
dipped
"But the Methodst-that's crowner :;
it talks right out-,Room- --for-all Room
--for-all Room-for-all
There is something very sensible in
the impromptu remark OF a little girl 4" If
our Maker thought it wrong for Adam to
live single, when there was not a woman
on earth, how criminally guilty are the old
bachelors, with a world full of pretty
girls. rmaasr r...rE-w
-Somebody advertscs for agents to
retail work entitled Hymeneal lnstruc-
tor. a contemporary adds, ",he best
hymenca' Instructor we know of is a Young
widow. What she don't know there is no
use. in learning."~ tIir...t- 700
,-----Several years ago political con
vcntion in neighhoring State nominated
aquiet, well-to-do farmer for the office of
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. The nominee graci-
Gus received the committee appointed to
wait upon him at his residence, and after
expressing his thanks for the honor con-
ierIcd upon him, Informed the committee
that he had peculiar qualifications for
Lieutenant Governor, "tor, gentlemen
said he, that is just the office | have held
in my housef for thcpaSt twenty five years
--Georgc Francis Tram SAYS ou,
modern marriage service should read thus
Nlergyman-Will you take this brown
stone front, this carriage and span, these
diamonds, for thy welded husband? Yes.
Viii you take this unpaid millners BILL
this high waterfall Of foreign hair, these
ailectation accomplishments and feeble
constitution, for thy welded wife Yes
Then, what man has Joined together let the
next bcst man run away with, 50 that the
first Divorce Coeit may tear them asunacr.
"A Hordshell Baptist preached in
Washington City lately, and took for his
text, God made him in his own image"
lie then commenced. "an honest man is the
noblest work of God" Then he made a
long pause, and looked searchingly about
the audience, and then exclaimed, but God
Almighty hasn't had a job in this city for
nigh on to fifteen years.
"A wag says Of a woman: "To
her virtue we give love to her beauty ad,
mlralion and to her hoops, the whole
pavement"
a lovc.crossei German barber AT
indianapolis, recently ended his disappoint-
ment by swallowing half q pint Of hair
dye.
The fact Of next year being n I" lem
year has added fl3,000 to the estimates
for the British army. That is ono DAYS
pay for the forces. -