Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1867-10-24
Civ 8epnblifan.
A HARD SHELL .SERMON
NV beloved brethersn--I am an unlarped

Il
here To expOund the scripters aud pint on
the narrer way which leads from val
world TO the streets Of the New Jerusalem
and my text which shell choose fOr th
occashen, Is in the leds of the Bible, som
where between the "a Chronicles and tn
last Chspier of Timothy Titus, and whel
lyou find it you will find it in these words
And they shall knaw file and flee unit
the mountains of IIepsidam. whsr the liol
roareth and the whsng doodle mournetl
for its first born
Now, my brethren. as hsvc before tol,
you, am an uneaicated man and know
nothing about grammar ;slk and knowledg
lhighfalu,in, but am a plain and uprigh
lpreacher of the Gospel what's been for
ordained, and called to expound Scripter
to dyin' work., and prepare perver
generation for The day of wrath; for the,
shell knaw file and lice unto the noun
ta;ns of HcpSidam, whsr the lion roareti
and the whang doodle mourneth for lis frs
born.
My beluved brethering, the text say
they shell knaw file. 1t don't say they
may, but they shell. And now there
mOrs'n one kind of file. There's thu
hand-ssw file, rat-isil file, double file, anC
profile, but the kind OF file spoken of here
is none of them kind neither, because it:
figger Of speech my brethering. and j
means going it alone, and getting ukersd
for they shell knaw file and fee unto tlit
mountains of Hspsipam, whar TIE lior
rOsreth and the whang- doodle mournstl
for its first born.
And new there bc some here with fine
close on their hicks, brass rings on their
| fingers and lard on their hair, what goes ii
Willis thv'rc young; and thar he brothers
here what as long az their constitutions
and forty cent whiskey lasts goes II blind,
and thar be sisters here what, whsn they
gets sixteen years old cut their tiler ropes
and goes it with rush, but l say, dear
brsthering, take care YOU don't find when
Gabriel blens his last trump that you've al
went it alone and got ukered, for they shcl
knaw file and fee unto the mountains of
Hepsidam, whar the lion rOsrsth and the
whangiCOdle mourne;h for its first born.
And, my hrethering. there's more dams
besides Hcpsiism,- There's Amsterdam,
mill-dam, and don't care dam-the last
of which, my dear brethriGg is the worst
of all and reminds ne OF circumstance
once knsw in the State Of Illcnoy. There
was a man what built a mill on the cast
fork of Ausur Creek and il ground a site
of grain, but the man what built 1t was a
miserable sinner and never CUR nothing to
the church, and my breihering, one
night thar come dreadful storm of wind
and rain. and the foutalns Of the great deep
WAS broken up and the waters rushed
down and swept the mans miil-dam into
kingdom come, and 10, ard behold in the
morning. when he got up he found he was
not worth dam. Now, my dear brother
ing, when storms Of temptation oycrtaks
ye, take care you don fall from grace and
become like that mans mill-dam--not
worth dam: for they shcl knaw file and
flee unto the mountains of Hepsidam. whar
the lion roareth and the whangdoodls
mourneth for It's first born.
''Whar the lion roareti; and the whang
doodle mCuTncth-for its first born. This
part Of the text, my breihcring, is another
figger Of speech, and isn't 10 be taken as it
says. Ii don't moan the bowling wilder
ness whar John the hard-shell Baptis. WAS
fed on locus;s snd wild asses; but il means,
my brstherin, the city OF New Orleans, the
mother of harlots and hard lots -vhar corn
is worth six bits bushel one day NARY red
the next; whar the niggcrs are as thick as
black bugs in spoiled bacon ham, and
gamblers, thieves and pickpockets 90 ski
ting about the streets like weasels in barn
yard-whar they have cream colored horses
ses, gildcd carriages. marble saloons with
brandy and sugar in 'sn-whar honest men
arc scarccr than hens teeth. and strange
woman once Tux in your beloved preacher
and bamboozled him out OF two hundred
and twenty seven dollars in the twinkling
OF a sleeps tail; but she can't do It again,
Hallelujah. for, they shell kuaw file and
fee unto the mountains of Hepsidar, whar
the lion roareth and the whangdoodle
mourneth for lite first born.
Ny bretherirg,I am Captain OF that flat
boat you see tied up thar, and I've got
aboard of her, flour, bacon, and oats, and
potatoes, and apples, and as good Monon-
gahela whiskey as you ever drank. and I'm
mighty apt TO cit q big price for il all. But
what, oh my brcthering. would it be worth
il | hadn't religin? There's nothing like
religin my bretheriRg. It's better nor gold
and silver jimeracks, and you can no more
get to heaven without it than dog with
out tail
Thank the Lord, I an an unoiucatcd
man, my brethering, but I've searched the
Scriptures from Dan to Burshebee, and
found old Zion right side up. and Hard
Shell religin the best of all religins. And
lis not like Methodists what expects to get
into Heaven by hollerin hsll-fire, nor the
Univcrsalisi what gifts upon the broad-gage
and goes the whole hog, nor the United
Brethering what takes each other by the
seat of the trowsers and tries to lift their
selves into Heaven, nor the Catholics what
buys thru tickets from their Priests--but it
may be likened, my brethering. unto man
what had to cross a river, and whom he
got thar the boat had gone and he just
rolled up his breeches and wadcd over
hallclujsh, for they shall knsw a file and
fee unto the mountains of Hepsidam, whar
the lion roareth and the whangdoodle
monrneth for its first born.
Pass the hat, brother Flint, and let every
Hard Shell shell out. Amen.