davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1867-08-28
GOOD NEWS FOR THE
AFTETCTED!


VIII be sent to all who in delicate health, and
whose infrmities and impotence prevent them from
getting married. One for the LADIES, and one for
the GENTLEMEN-say which one you want, or send
six cent stamps for the two books. His Circular
about getting rich and eminent, winning the afec-
tons Of the opposite sex, ending with speedy and
happy marriage, will be sent gratis at the same time
Address all letters as follows: DIR. Raphael
Post Office Box 6273, Chicago, illinois,
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15

A WooD-CHoPPER PREsIDENT.-The
recent election of Senator Wade as
President of the United States Senate,
by which he becomes Vice President
of the United States, reminds me of g
little story" (as our late President used
to say,) Of the times when we were boy;
together, over in the wooden county o.
Ashtabula.
Once upon time, Frank Wade and
Tim Waters, had a job of choppine
wood, over in the township of Andover;
they boarded with very pious lady by
the name of Adams, who was more
given to prayer meetings than to good
house keeping. Upon certain even
ing, young Wade and his companion
attended the prayer meeting, where
Mrs. Adams delivered an earnest ex-
hortation, and closed with humble
confession of her own shortcomings,
saving that she was miserable sinner
and poor critter, and unworthy of any
mercy, DC. When Mrs. Adams took
her seat, Wade nudged his companion
to say something. Waters arose and
said very solemnly that he could beal
testimony to the truth of what Mrs.
Adams had been saying, as be and his
friend were boarding at her house
The meeting was speedily closed, and
the next day the two young men were
notified to look up a new boarding place,
as they could be no longer aecommoda
ted under Mrs. Adams root. S. D. IL
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15
GhiIdren,s Etiquette.

l.. Always say, Yes sir; yes, papa
no, papa; thank you; no, thank you
good night; good morning. Never say,
How or which, for what. Use no slang
terms. Remember, that good spelling,
reading, writing, and grammar, are the
basis of all education.
2. Clean faces, clean clothes, clean
shoes and clean fuger-nails, indicate
good breeding. Never leave your clothes
about the room. Have place for every
thing, and everything in its place.
s. Rap before entering a room, and
never leave it with your back to the
company. Never enter private room
or public place with your hat on.
4. Always offer your seat to a lady or
old gentleman. Let your companion
enter the room or carriage first.
5. AT the table, eat with your fork
sit up straight; never use your toothpick
(although the Europeans do, at table,
and when leaving, ask to be excused.
6. Never put your feet on the cush-
ions, chairs or tables.
Z. Never overlook any one when read
ing or writing, or talk or read aloud
while others are reading. When COM
versing, listen attentively, and do not
interrupt or reply till the other is fin
ished.
8. Never talk or whisper aloud in 8
private room where any one is singing
or reply till the other is finished.
o. Loud coughing, hawking, yawn-
ing and sneezing are ill-maunered. In
every case cover your face with your
handkerchief, which never examine;
nothing is so vulgar except splitting on
be floor.
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15
Operations of Conscience.

When the nervous energy is depress-
ed by any bodily cause, or exhausted bv
over-workiug, there follow effects which
have often been ministerpreted bv NOR
alists, and especially the theologians.
The conscience itself becomes neuraIgic,
sometimes actually inflamed, so that the
least touch is agony. Of all liars and
false accusers, a sick conscience is the
most inventive and indefat;gable. The
devoted daughter, wife, mother. whose
life has been given to uuselfsh labors,
who has filled place which it seems to
others only an angel would make good.
reproaches herself with incompetence
and neglect of duty. The humble Chris
tian, who has been a model to Others.
calls himself worm of the dust on one
page of his diary, and arraigns himself
ON the next for coming short of the per-
feetion of an archangel
Conscience itself requires a conscience.
or nothing can be more unscrupulous.
1t told Saul that he viii die well in per-
scouting the Christians. 1t has eoaded
countless mnltitudes of various creeds 10
endless forms of fselftorture. The cities
of India are full of cripples It has made.
The hill sides of Syria are riddled with
holes, where miserable hermits, whose
lives it had palsied, lived and died ike
the vermin they harbored. Oar libra.
ries are crammed with books written by
spiritual hypOphoudriscs who inspected
all their moral secretions dozen times
a day. They are full of interest, but
they should be transferred from tba
shelf Of Che theologian to that Of the
medical man who makes study of in,
sauity.-Ss Profsssor's Story.
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15
fqr TIE 8ittIe faIks.
star Dollars.

Once upon time there was little
girl whose father and mother were
dead; and she became 50 poor that she
had no roof to shelter herself under,
and no bed to sleep in; aud at last she
had nothing left but the clothes on her
back, and loaf Of bread IN her hand,
which compassionate body had given
to her. But she was good and pious
little girl, and when she found herself
forsaken by all the world, she went out
into the fields trusting on God. Soon
she met poor man, who said to her,
"give me something TO eat, for am so
hungry" She handed him the whole
loaf; and, with "God bless youT
walked on further. Next she met lit
tie girl crying very much, who said TO
her, ''pray give me something to cover
my head with, for it is so cold !" So
she took off her own bonnet, and gave
it away. And ina little while she met
another child who had no cloak, and
to her she gave her own cloak. Then
she met another who had no dress on,
and to this one she gave her own frock.
By that time it was growing dark, and
our little girl entered forest; and
presently she met fourth maiden, who
begged something, and to her she gave
her petticoat; for, thought our heroine,
'it is growing dark, and nobody will
see me, / can give away this" And
now she had scarcely anything left to
cover herself; and just then some ofthe
stars fell down in the form of silver dol
lars, and among them she found pet
ticoat of the finest inenl and in that
she collected the star-money, which
made her rich all the rest of her life
time,
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15
The Creditor,s strategem.

Four creditors started from Boston
in the same train of cars, for the pur-
pose of attaching the property of Ger
tain bebtor in Harrington, in the State
of Maine. He owed each one separ-
ately, and they each one were suspic-
ious of the other, but dared not say a
word about it. So they rode, acquain-
|tances all talking upon everything ex-
|cept that which they had most at heart.
When they arrived at the depot at Far
mingtoR which was three miles from
where the debtor did business, they
found nothing to ''put 'em over the
road;" but solitary cab, towards which
they all rushed. Three got in and re-
fused admittance to the fourth, and the
cab started. The fourth ran after, and
got up outside with the driver. He
asked the driver if he wanted to sell his
horse. He replied that he did not want
Ito-that he was not worth more than
fifteen dollars, but be would not sell
him for that Heasked him if he would
take one hundred dollars for him.
ayes, said lie. The fourth man quickly
paid over the money, took the reins,
and backed the cab up to bank, slip
ped it from the harness, and tipped it
up SO that the door could not be open
ed, and jumped upon the horses back
and rode of lickaty-switch, while the
insiders were looking out of the win
dows, feeling ike singed cats. He
rode to lawyers and got writ made
and served and his debt secured, and
got back to the hotel just as the ''in-
siders" came up putting and blowing.
The cabman soon bought back his horse
for fifty dollars. The ''sold" men offered
te pay that sum if-the fortunate one,
who found property sufficient to pay
his own debt would not tell of it in
Rost0n
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15
The Income Tax.

| The bill amendatory of the Internal
Revenue Law, which, having been
lsigned by the President is now law,
makes some important changes in re-
gard to the assessment and collection
of the Income Tax. The time of assess
ment is changed from May to the 1st
of March-or. for the present year,
from the date of the act-and the final
day of payment is changed from
June to the 3Oth of April. The amount
of exemption is also changed from 5000
t. 1000, and the tax is made uniform
at five per cent.
The tax is to be assessed upon the
gains, profits, aud income for the year
ending on the 3lst of December next
preceding the assessment, and applies
to all sources of income whatsoever
whether from regular business or oc-
cupation or from special transactions.
The deductions allowed are the 1000
exemption, and also all National, State,
County and Municipal taxes paid during
the year, whether by owner, tenant, or
mortgagor; losses actually sustained
during the year from fires, shipwreck,
or incurred in trade; debts ascertained
| to be worthless, but excluding all esti-
mated depreciation of values and losses
within the year on sales Of real estate
purchased two years previous to the
year for which income is estimated; !;
amount actually paid for labor or in
terest by any person who rents land or
hires labor to cultivate land, or who
conducts any other business from which
income is actually derived; the amount
paid for rent of residence, and the
amount paid for usual ordinary repairs,
lus not money expended in new build
ings, permanent improvements or bet
terments made to increase the value Of
| the property. Only one deduction of
81, 600 shall be made for a family COM
posed of the parents and minor chill
dren. Persons in the employ of the
United States having more than 81 900
salary, will have the tax deducted when
their salaries are paid, except where the
compensation is partly by fees, when
the tax will be collected in the usual
manner
Taxes unpaid after ten days notice
and demand thereof by the Collector,
will be increased by the addition of five
per cent on the amount of tax, and in
terest at the rate of one per cent a
month from the time when the tax falls
due GeuelaHd Herald
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15
PeriIs Of Eastern Drummers.

The Boston Commercial Bulletin de-
.cribes the perils of Eastern drum
mers, In Illinois, as follows:
The stagnation of trade has been se-
verely felt by all business men, and even
that enterprising class of our fellow
creatures known as ''drummers," or trav-
cling sslesmen, despite their almost in
exhaustible invention and resources,
have been obliged occasionally to yield
to the pressure of the times.
One of these gentlemen, who has re-
Gently returned from trip for Thistle
Bros. & Co., of this city, did not show a
very large exhibit Of orders to balance
the liberal expense account allowed him
by the firm, and Mr.. Thistle, after look
ing over his return, said:
"Mr. Rataplan, am afraid you do
not approach the dealers in the right
way; l used to be very successful in
this line. Now just suppose me to be
Bigher, of Sellout, I'LL, and show me
the way you introduce the house"
Accordingly Rstaplan stepped out of
the counting-room and re-entered, hat
in hand, inquiring, sis Mr. Bigher in |"
"That is my name," said Thistle,
urbanely.
"My name is Rataplan, sir; Irepre-
sent the house of Thistle Bros. q Co., of
Boston. thistle, in his character of a
Western merchant, here rose, offered the
salesman a chair, and expressed his
pleasure at seeing him.
81 am stopping with Gvercharge at
the Stickem House, and have an un-
spoken lot of samples which l should
ike to show you; think We can offer
you some special advantages, etc. And
Rataplan delivered himself of neat
speech in professional style.
very we'll, very well," said Thistle;
"I don't see but you understand the
way to get at customers"
g Excuse me, Mr.. Thistle" said Rata
plan,"I am afraid you do not under
stand the style of Western merchants
just now; suppose you exchange places
with me, and repeat this rehearsal" :"
''Certaiuly," said Thistle, and pick
ing up his hat he stepped out Re-
turning, he found Ratsplan with his
chair tilted back, hat cooked fiercely over
his right eye, his heels planted on This
ties polished desk, and lighted cigar
planted between his teeth.
Thistle looked little staggered, but
nevertheless commenced: ~.
"Is MIR. Bighsr inlp pJ 81
"Yes, he is" responded Rataplan,
blowing a cloud of pure Connecticut
into Fhistle's eyes "Who in-are
youl"
:" represent the house of Thistle
Bros, & Co.," said the astonished en-
ployer, coughing out about quart of
smoke from his throat.
"The blazes you do. Are you one of
that concern!"
mo, sir, am moi" siid Thistle.
"Well its lucky for you that you are
not, for PYe had two drummerl to one
customer in my store for two months,
and if l should get hold of one of the
blasted fools that sen'tem out here at
this time, Pm darned If l wouldn't
boot him clean out Of the town of Sell
out"
"That'Il do, that'll do, Mr.. Rataplan,"
said Thistle; II have no doubt you did
the best you could for the interest of the
house. Trade is dull"
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15
The Handles ParIiament-

In the House Of Commons in Lon
don, Oh the 9th of February, Mr.. Kav-
anaugh, the new member for Wexford
County, ireland, having neither hands
nor feet, was brought to the table in a
wheeled chair to be sworn. The hon
forsble member, after taking the oath,
signed the parliamentary roll by pla-
cling the pen between the ends of his
arms. He appeared to write with great
f1uency. Alter signing his name he
was in the usual form introduced to the
Speaker, to whom he bowed, and then,
by placing his arms in brass sockets and
turning some screws which operated
upon the wheels of his chair, he passed
out of the House. Considerable curl
osity was manifested, and several hon
orable members went to the table to in
sqect Mr.. Kavanaugh's signature. After
the House rose Sir D. LIE Marchant,
Captain Gosset and Colonel Forester
were engaged in finding suitable place
in the House for the honorable member
during the debates.
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15
4 Little Nonsense.

Why is sceech-owl like fiddlerl
Because he makes rile lingo (violin-
go.)
! Old fools are more foolish than young
ones; they have had much longer prsc-
Itice.
"My dear wife, l wish you would
try to keep your temper" "My dear
husband, | wish you would try and get
rid of yours"
The world should have its docket
called, and sluggsrds all defaulted, and
those should be the supper ten" whom
labor has exalted.
The saying that "there is more pleas
ure in giving than receiving" is sup
posed to apply chiefly to kicks, medi-
cine and advice"
George Bancroft, the historian, keeps
printer and press in his house, and
has his copy set before he gives it the
first carful correction.
He who openly tells his friends all
that he thinks of them, may expect
that they will secretly tell his enemies
much that they don't think of him.
Many persons think themselves per-
fectly virtuous because, being well fed,
they have no temptation to vice. They
don't distinguish between virtue and
victuals.
Jorum was told of a supper at which
goblets of ice, formed by evaporation,
were used, from which TO drink cham
paigne- Jorum heard the story through,
and then exclaimed-"Well, ice ware"
A grim old Judge, after hearing
horid discourse from a pretentious
young barrister, advised him to pluck
out the feathers from the wings of his
imagination and stick them into the taiI
of his judgment.
"My friend" said one gentleman to
another, "your hair is getting quite
gray" eyes" was the answer; "old
father Time has been sweeping up the
years around me and the dust has set
tied upon my head"
An impatient boy waiting for the
grist, said to the miller: 81 could eat
the meal as fast as the mill grinds it"
Show long could you do sol" inquired
the miller. "Till starved to DEATH"
was the sarcastic reply.
A druggist sent his Irish porter into
darkened cellar; soon after, hearings
noise he went to the opening and called
out-"Patrick, keep your eyes skinned"
"Och! duce an eye" roared Pat, "but
it's my nose that's skint entirely"
A learned young lady the other even
ing astonished the company BY asking
for the 'loan of diminutiye, argenti-
ferrous, truncated cone, convex on its
summit, and seHli-perforated with SYM
metrical indentations. She wanted
thimble.
Mother-'Here, Tommy, is some nice
casteroil, with orange juice in it"
Doetor-"Now don't give it all to
Tommy; leave some for me"
Tommy (who has tasted it before e)-
'Doctor's nice man, ma; give it all to
the doctorw
On one occasion, at dinner at the
Bishop of Chester's, Hannah Moore
urged DR.. johnson to take little wine.
He replied; 81 can't drink little,
child, and therefore l never touch it.
Abstinence is as easy to me as intemper-
ance would be difficult" Many have
the same infrmity, but are destitute of
the same courage, and therefore are
ruined.
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15
poetrp.
=. y ssaGO II ALONEs,s q = 80
Az JOHN G.. SAKE.

AY JOHN G. SAKE.
There's game in fashion, I think it's called
Though I've never played it for pleasure oil
lucre,
In which, when the cards are in certain con.
ditions,
The players appear to have changed theil
positions
And one of them cries in confident tone
a. think / might venture to gosit alonei'
While watching the game, It's a whiniof tbs
bards,
A moral to draw from the skirmish in cards
And 10 fancy he finds in the trivial strife.
Some excellent hints for the battle of Life
Where, whether the prize be ribbon o.
throne - ~
The winner is he that can ego it alonel
When great Galileo proclaimed that the worlc
In regular orbit was eeaselessly whirled.
And got not convert for all Of his pains,
But only derision, and prison and chains
ut moves, for all that, was his answering
tone,
For he knows, like the earth, he could "go i
alonel' Z w ff4f
When Kepler, with intellect piercing aiar,
Discovered the laws Of each plannet and star
Aud doctors, who thought to have .lauded
ssfh his name, Tt2
Derided his learning and blackened his fame
d can wait, " he replied, "till the truth yeu
shall 0wp;"
For he feltin his heart he could 'goit aionei'
Alas for the player who idly depends,
In the struggle of life, upon kindred and
tffiendsI a - A
Whatever the value of blessing like these,
They can never atone for iDglorious ease;
Now comfort the coward who finds with q
groau,
That his crutcbes have left him to go II
alone !"
There is something, no doubt, in the hand
you may hold a1f
Health, family, culture, wit, beauty and gold
The unfortunate owner may fairly regard,
As each in its way most excellent card
Yet the game may be lost with all these fol
your own.
Unless you have the courage to ''go it alonef'
In battle or business, whatever the game.
In law or in love, il is ever the same;
In tho struggle for power or scramble for pei
Let this be your motto: "Rely on YOURSELF
For whether the prize be ribbon or throne
The victor is he who can "go it alone -
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15

The little l have seen of the world,
and know Of the history Of mankind,
teaches me to look upon the errors of
others in sorrow, not ia anger. When
| take the history of one poor heart
that has sinned and suffered, and rep
resented to myself the struggles and
temptations it has passed through; the
brief pulsations of JOY, the feverish in
quietude of hope and fear; the pressure
Of want; the desertion of friends; the
scorn of the world threatening vices
within-health gone-happiness gone
even hope that remains the longest
gone--I would fain leave the erring
soul of my fellow man with Him from
whose hands it eame.-LongfeHosc.
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15

care you sure that the revelation was
from the Lord 7"
Eyes, we cannot be mistaken about it /"
"Does your power to raise this man
to life depend upon the particular ma
ture of his disease, or could you bring
any dead man to life3'' -
j at makes no difference to us; we
could bring any corpse to life."
swell, if this man had been killed and
one of his arms cut of, could you bring
him to life, and also restore him to his
armG"
t'Certainly; there is no limit to the
power given to US by the Lord. 1t would
make no difference even if both of his
arms and legs were cut of"
"Could you restore him if his head
been cut off"
hCertainly we could"
"Well," said the farmer, with quiet
smile upon his features, 81 do not doubt
the truth of what such holy men assert,
but | am desirous that my neighbors
here should be fully converted by hay-
ing the miracle performed in the COM
pletest manner possible; SO, by your
leave, if it makes no difference whatever,
| will proceed to cut off the head of this
corpse" s'1
HAccordingly he produced a huge
and well-sharpened broad axe from be-
meath his coat, which he swung above
his head, and was apparently about to
bring down on the neck of the corpse
when, 10 and behold to the amazement
of all present, the dead man started up
in great agitation, and declared that he
would not have his head cut off for any
consideration whatever. s.fs -
'The company Immediately seized
the Mormons, and soon made them con-
fess that the pretended dead man was 8
Mormon elder, and that they had sent
him to the farmers house with direc-
tons to die there at particular hour,
when they would drop in as if by acci-
dent, and would perform miracle that
would astonish everybody. The farmer,
after giving the imposter severe chas-
tisement, let them depart to practice
their imposition in some other quarter.
The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-03-15

WAS MrsTAKES.-A lively writer
has said, "1 was mistaksd are the three
hardest words to pronounce in the Eng
language" Yet it seems but acknowl-
edging that we are wiser than we wers
pefbre to see our error, and humber
than we were before to o,7n it. But so
it is; and Goldsmith observes, that
Frederick the Great did himself more
honor by his letter to his senate, stating
that he had just lost great battle BY
his own fault, than by all the victories
he had won. Perhaps our greatest per-
fection here is, to escape imperfections,
but to see and acknowledge, and la
ment and correct them.-Jcy.