Smyrna times., 1867-04-24
SUITORS;
Different Methods of Counting.

Suitors are as varied in their views and as
poets. as members OF Congress on the tariff
question, but not whit more absurd.
The Bashtul Sultor is generally some callow
youth who has thought it necessary to make
love because it is a custom of the male sex. and
not on account of any ardent desire that he is
inspired with. He seems half afraid of the
young lady whom he has made up his mind to
court; he seats himself in a distant corner, and
hdgets nervousy when she comes too near
him. He will often repain dumb for an hour
at time, while the lady has to amuse herself
inthe best way she can. Visitors come and
go, rivals pop in and out, the feeting hours
pass, materfamilias firts into the room to see
1t Her daughter has company, but still the
young gentleman sits, uninteresting and unin-
terested, a sort of wooden Cupid, impressive
from its very impressability and dead weight.
lie Is quite an enigma to most young ladies'
They do not understand him, he appears so
odd and out Of place. Consequently, their Gu
rlOsity is excited, and, as natural consequence,
their interest. To the astonishment of men
who would have thought themselves disgraced
IN being considered his rivals, the Bashful
Sultor Is found to have won the belle of cir
Gle; though how the thing was done is one of
those mysteries that society and old ladies' can
never fully account Tor In gossipping discus
siOns; but they are, perhaps, no more astoun-
ded than the Bashful Suitor himself, who is
quite aware he is a stick, and finds himself
married he does not know how-though per-
haps the young lady's mamma could enlighten
him on the subject. After marriage he sud-
denly loses all his diffdence and becomes self
possessed. The veil of mystery that envelop-
ed the fair sex has been lifted, he has ceased
to be awed, and becomes the most gallant
man of his circle
The Conceited Suitor is the laughing-stoc
of the fair sex. His too manifest self-appre-
clation affords them immense amusement, and
his self-importance they delight, after increas-
ing, to suddenly annihilate with withering
No" When he hears the work of doom
pronounced, he cannot believe in the LADY
> sincerity; and consequently often has to have
. the sentence repeated by mamma. Still he is
not brought to his senses. Though you bray
tool In mortar, the old prover6 says, and
though the Conceited Suitor has been refus,
drive his folly from him. He IS generalIy
possessed of good looks and a glib tongue
which far outstrip histurtle like Judgment. He
has possessed himself of all the stupid and fun
ny little anecdotes of current literature, and
retails them by the peck. He generally ha.
d some small musical ability, which he display
on all occasions. After being snubbed or re
jected several times, he cannot perceive VIII,
stupid fellows who cannot play or sing, or tel
stories, or repeat stereotyped compliments arr
iaVorites OF the fairest young ladies, while h
Is looked on as drug and nuisance. At las
the Conceited Suitor becomes some old maid
or widow victim, who enlightens him by tn,
light of the honeymoon.
The Extravagant Suitor is not necessar;l,
rich !; yet he laYishes expenditures of none,
. ON the young lady as if she were likely to be
good pecunlary investment. He is generall,
youth OF little discretion, though sometime
q ne Is an Old bachelor, where Iong-represseC
= luxuriousness Is having its natural revenge
- lie is generally most unfortunate individual
He is impelled to ruin himself financially anC
morally by his insane desire to bind the ladv /,
him with gifts. For this purpose he ofteI
i. robs his employer, or commits forgery, or, a
all events, runs in debt. His efforts az max
ing presents are looked on with suspicion, an,
d sensible young ladies are apt to hesitate he
l. fore committing themselves with the Extrava
- CANT Suitor though mercenary girls look at hir
4 as harvest indeed the Extravagant Suite
y sometimes stands at the bar of Justice instea
! of the altar of Hymen.
The jealous Suitor is n ill-conditioned pei
son, who keeps up growing and grumbline
to the disgust of allIwho have anything TO
n with him. How young lady ever consents
wed him is, at first sight, mystery. Ths
= many-spring elliptic, the female mind, his p,
Z culiar and stratling method of action revea
a ing its secrets only when pressed against, ant
al when unexcited, appearing fiat and uninteres
ing. A lady, when she was warned by ht
friend against jealous suitor, replied that sh
felt hattered by the jealousy of her lover:
showed he was on the watch, and felt interes
n ed she would not have one of those tame me
III who did not care syhofl,rr ar no she firted ff
then there was no pleasure in coquetting; bl
to have quarrel, and slamming of the doc
and looks of defiance on meeting, and notes
,lapology, and the bliss Of reconciliation-the
na were pleasures indeed--it was like the delcio,
T. evening after q summer thunderstorm ri
- Jealous Suitor, after marriage, often astonisb
all his friends by proving the least Jealous
all husbands. IL would seem that, having on
just SO much Jealousy to expend, he had e
3 hausted his stock during courtship, and le
none to embitter the sweets Of matrimony. :