The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-05-15

'NS'N' E"' - ~ o"t'''' u I"cI were nn[
charming, lovrnble, 'AHinc, nothing ould
he sail Vt them. We cannot help it
therefore and here goes fq' aralhrr ,li>h,
the first ingredient Of which comes, too,
from lady:
sail wear il if please;
II ma, futIer in the hre. Ze,
I'm >nrc il dosen't show the knees,
And cah manage it with ease.
Graceful sweet, and pretty too, "
Mamma wears il and do;
Where's the harm III like 10 know,
Even though my ankles show?
Where's the use of having feet,
Ta,scllcd, elegant, pcTirc,
Light, elastic, auh complete,
But to make men say, How nca:!"
confess like to hear
Wha, meM >iy-it'S SO queer;
And they whisper in my ear;
1T looks sweefly-now, my dear"
Trnst me. COOL friends. can tell
When tic tilrer looks TOO WE'LL
Can manage every swell.
Don't abuse ne-yourS,
BELLE.
Some ugly, red-headcd, cross. gained
editor lets off the, following. lie. either
has wife that he cannot appreciate, or
IS Iabouri"g under tie "mitten." Hear
him.
Dip the Atlantic ocean dry with tea
spoon; twist your heel into the toe of
yonr boot make post masters perform
their promlSr$; and Subscribers pay the
printer; send up fishing hooks with bal
looms and fish for stars when the rain
comes dDNm like cataract G: Niagara, re-
member where you left your umbrella /;
choke n. a.mo>oucto with brick-hat; in
short, prove t,ll things hitherto eonsld-
cred impossible, but never attempt to
coax il WOMAN to say she "will" when
she has made up her mind to say she
won, t."
There arc not few Mrs. Wiliss!es'
and Mrs. " Nhisslrs' too. -
Mrs. WhiggleS expressed her tti$ap:
poin,mclt the othersdAy on taking mp
The paper thus: "I.nr" sakes there
aunt single living person dead that I
knnm 1t seems TO ME there AMT no
news in this ere paper"
a thing in every place, and a place
for every thing" Never was love OF
order better illustrate d.
4 woman who lived IN small snug
cottage in a village, WAS urtrrnnate
enough to lose her husband, and set
about preparing for the funeral obseqna
ries. A ncighho'ing Mrs. Candy, with
her .cloak and umbrella, called to see
things, to romtlnlr and % speculate. On
coming into the house she lonk ked around.
raised her Sprctaccs and her hood, and
sail: "Why. L"r' ire how nicely you
are fixed up for the funeral well Il"
declare, Lor' say! Dear me! why, do
you tell, YOU buried Mrs. NetSterS )
cheers, amt yer, and Mrs. S'nn's roses
nn the mantle piece, they look 'ish hit smart,
| declare and there's Il clock TOO, WHY
NHcEc oIi cai III A4I'' VA ESi C'"'p -"
to know 2" "Oh! no, my dear. (Ni'h q
<nlenn croar) that's not clock. it i my
poor, dear, departed husband, | Stnod
him up IN one corner 10 make more
room !"
ThiS must be read WITH due allowance,
and it would be very ungallant did We
endorse it as trhe:
4 celebrated French preacher, in a
sermon upon the tlnty Of wives. said {:
/ see in lhi~ rnncrega,ion. Il woman wh"
has hcen cnity OF the sin Of ii$:hc'licuce
10 her husband. and in order t" p"i"t
her ont. I will fling my hreviary at hes
head He lifted his book, aud every
female head durkcd. .
Take comfort indies! hug it to your
bosom di>consolate datnSels.~ Never say
die, for it has S.becn discovered that there
are 500. 600 more males than females in
the United States
\ cultivated smell! las this Young
lady:
\ Young lady Of Montgomery, who
was recently caught sm"l iuG. cigar,
gave il ~ her reason for tie at. "rhat
it made it smell as though there was a
man around"