The Portland daily press., 1867-01-14

h~~~'t
A certain "Knight of the Birchen Rod"
wishing to obtain a certificate as school teach
er, called upon the superintendent of public
schools, not long since, when the following di-
alogue took place.
"Morning, Mr. Superintendent"
Good morning; take chair"
"You see, sir, Pm schoolin' it out in nv
settlement and have been for risin' fifteen
year, and want stiffikit to keep doin'"
"All right, ,ssir, am ready to grant the GER
tihcate, but before doing SO L must examine
you as to your competency
"Now look here, faint no use fur to zam-
Inc me, far, as | said afore, I've been schoolin
it risin fifteen year."
"Yes, sir, that may all be, but the law re-
quires me to examine you before issuing the
Certificate, and must do my duty"
'IaInt no use-I never was zamined this
way, and have heap of stiffikits, and can
fetch 'em in toyou." 80
Never mind the certificates; you must be
examined as to your qualifications, or the GER
tihcaue cannot issue"
"Well-but it's nary bit of use 1 have
been"
"Never mind that; what branches do you
teach in your school?"
aOh, readin', spellin', writin' and figgerin'.o
"ls that all ?"
"Yes; the folks out there don't want any,
in"
Don't you teach grammar?"
"oh, no; the folks are down on grammer
larnin."
Don't some of your scholars want to study
grammar"
Mary one. But five years ago one of old
man Hamphiips gals tuck notion to study
grammer, but in about two weeks she gin It
up"
'EWell, it is necessary that YOU, as a teacher
should have some knowledge OF grammar,
and must examine you in that branch"
We'll now, that's no use-the folks don't
want that kind of larnin." ~.
very likely; but can you tell me how many
parts OF speech there are ?''
Wen, now; let me see; I'll declare it has
slipped my memory; l don't jest re-collect.
But, any how, grammer is super devious"
Can't you give guess?"
well, should say about twoo 8a
That won't do; guess again"
We'll at furdest, should say four.
Are you sure ?"
"Weli, as near as l can re-eollect, it mought
be and it moughtentn
Now, sir, tell me, what is English gram
mar?"
"As near as can re-collect, it's a smallish
book bout SO long, (measuring with his hand)
and bout a half inch thick"
did you ever see Klrkham or Pinney ?'r
mo, sir, they never lived in our settle
ment"
Smith ?"
oh, yes; have hearn tell heap of old
Bullion, but never have saw him. l voted
Tor him once, but he took the abolition chute
afterwards, and was powerful sorry voted
Ior MN. AS for Smith, he lives across the
run, bout two miles from my house. His
boys 20 to school to me-;
Very well; what is geography ?"
Dont use any in my school, but if l don't
dlsremember, l seed some in town, and they're
bout the size of chunk of shingle"
Which is the largest river in the world ?"
.'Ihe Mississippi, OF COURSE"
what is the shape OF the earth ?"
"Well, In our region it's right smart hilly.
but further down it's flat and swampish.0
Which is the highest mountain in the
world ?"
"Pilot Knob"
very well. Now, sir, you say that in your
school you only teach spelling, reading, writ
ing and arithmetic"
No, sir, didn't; Isay learned 'em readin', |
spellin', wlitin' and figgerin'."
Exactly; now, after your scholars have
gone through the spelling-book and reader,
what do you dop"
81 turns 'em back" a..
$50 you keep them at the same books all
the timer
Yes, sir, there is nothing like LAYING the
foundation well, and / turns em back till
they finish eheir schoolin''
Just SO. Now, sir, it seems to ne thai
you are little rusty in some of the branch,
es, and before can give you certificate. vol, |
must study little and become better |
posted"
NOW, don't see as l can, fur / have got a |
power OF work on hand, and the old woman |
mas rising on her finger, and John has a |
6eaiin' on his left foot, which gives me more'n |
can attend to, Besides the people don't |
want that kind of teaehin', and it would be |
mighty pity to keep the children out of school |
now, tor they are most uncommon bad off fur |
schoolin'n
Very well, will take the matter under ad- |
ylsement, and you can call again in ten |
days"
so the native educator departed, not alto
gether disconsolate. The originality of the
answers Of this pedagogue eclipse Shakspeare's
Celebrated Sir Hugh Evans, who "smeit false
Latin, and overtops the grandiloquent nom
sense displayed in the high court of Mr.. Jus
tice Dogberry.