Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1867-09-27
5(pl Wt4ns.

~ L. Tribune.
a]lll Ior0lls.
RnApEn did you ever enjoy the ecstatie
bliss Of eourting2 You didn't then you
had better get little Gal-au-try.
..WuIcu way do you travel from ?" asked a
wog Of crooked. back gentleman. 81 came
straight from Wheeling" was the reply.
.Did you?n said the other ''then you must
have been shockingly warped by the railroad. 5"
''You would be pretty, indeed, said a
gentleman, patrouizingly, to young lady,
''if your eyes were only little larger
''Ny eyes may be small, sir, but such people
as you don't fill them"
THE following is the true copy Of sign
upou an academy for teaching in one Of the
far western states: Freedman and Huggs
school teachers Freedman teaches the boys
and Huggs the girls,
An exchange, in speaking of the magical
strains of hand organ, says When he
played Old Dog Tray, we noticed eleven pups
sitting in front Of the machine on their
launches, brushing away the tears from their
eyes with their fore paws"
TINS Pella Blade says: "a Chicago Run
ner' recently left shirt at one of the Oska-
/ loosa Hotels, and wrote to the chambermaid
to forward it to him at this place, upon which
she wrote to him the following replyi / hope
dear sir you'll not feel hurt, III frankly tell
you all about it; I've made a shift with your
old shirt aud you must make shift without
| it,
JoxArnAN presented himself and his in
tended to the minister for the purpose Of
being married. Being questioned if they had
been published, ''Oh, l guess so, for told il
to Uncle Ben, and he told his wife moren a
week ago."
UNDER the head positively the last of the
Long Skirts this Season., Punch gives the
following: 'Hostess-'Oh, how tiresomel ]
Somebody must be standing on my dress
Would you just run down stairs, and sac who
il is, Mr.. Brown?'
A FOUR year old urchin at South Hadley
Falls, greeted cousin who had come from
New York to observe the country through the
medium of pair of eyeglasses, with the re-
mark, cousin VIII, your speetacles haven't
got any shafts to them.
DURISG the war, lady passing from cot to
through the wards Of hospital, was shocked
to hear one fellow laugh at her. She stop
ped to reproye the wretched patient. "Whg
madam, says he, ''you have given me tract
on the sin of dancing, when have got both
| legs shot off. "
SOMEBODY says that the best way to get
rid Of weeds is to al ays put your cigar case
and It's contents at til service ofyour friends.
| Jones says that the most effective means he
ever tried was by squeezing the hand of o
plump young bereayed in black. The next
day she was in half mourning, and a second
kindly pressure resulted in pink bonnet.
| Farmers please notice.
a traveller stepping in at an inn down East,
was asked how the business men in New York
were getting along.
"Oh," answered the traveller, "many Of
them have got upon their legs again"
''How so; has trade got brisk?''
"Oh, no; but many who rode in their
coaches have been obliged to learn to walk.
| a GEyrLEuAx VINO entered a barber's shop
to get shaved, was recommended by the ope-
/ -. 4 - - - .-,,-4,,L, glTt 1s s.i,,,,r-ai-
ble," replied the gentleman. "0h, no, in
sisted the tonsorial artist-"Ob, no! l am
certain, sir, you could raise moustache-a
/ light Summer moustache :"
SAY, sAuBo, can you answer this couun-
derfrum? Supposin' gib you a bottle oh
whiskey corked shut with cork; how would
you get the whiskey out without pullin' de
dork or breakin de bottle?' ~ gibs dat up."
''Why push de cork in. Yah, yah y
A ScoTcHNAH put crown piece into ''the
plate in an Edinburg church on late Sun
day morning instead of a penny, aud asked
to have it back, but was refused. ''In once,
in forever. ''Aweel," grunted he, 'Tll get
credit for it in heaven. tina, ma, - said the
door keeper, "ye'n get credit only for the
penny you meant to gi'."
a School Boy being asked to define the
word admission, said it meant twenty FIVE
cents. twenty-five cents? echoed the
schoolmatser, "what sort of a definition do
you call that ~ "I don't know" sulkily re-
piled the boy, ''but m sure it says SO on the
advertisement down there at the show.
''Yes, said another boy, "and children hall
price"
IDURBoRRow & LUTz,
ATTORNEY S-AT-LAW
AND
REAL ESTATE AGENTS,
BEDFORD, PENN'A.
Those who desire to sell or buy land or lands
viii find this agency excellent medium through
/ which to accomplish their object. All lands Of
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pications to buy and those who desire to sell and
those who desire to purchase are brought together
with comparatively little delay, trouble or expens
Persons desiring to use this agency can apply
to US personally or by letter. july Is.
ToR SALE.
l. We take pleasure in Offering to the public the
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reasonable prices. Persons wishing to buy will