St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1867-10-25
The Josh Billings Papers.
SIM NEGlTAELE HISTORY

She makes them worth fifty cents. the
iust she makes, and never allows them TO
be sold al 4 mean price.
The cutler ov the strawberry IL like
the setting sun under thin cloud, with
a delicate dash ov the rain TOO in If lis
fragrance IL Ike the breath ov habv
when it first begins few cal wintergreen
lossingers its flavor IL ike the nektar
which ali old-fashioned goddess used tew
leave in the bottom ov her tumbler when
Jupiter stood treat on mount ida.
. There ez mcnny breeds Oy this delight
tul vegetable, but not mean one in the
whole lot.
| think have stole them. LAYING
around loose, without emmy peligree, in
sumbody's tail grass. when waz 4 lazy
schoolboy, that eat dredful easy, without
any white sugar on them. and even a
bug occasionally mixed with them in the
hurry ov the moment Cherrys are good,
but they are too much ike sucking mar
ble, with handle few IT, Peaches arc
good. ii w don't git enny of the pin
feathers into yure lips Watermelons
VIII suit emmy bodily who Is satisfied with
laltsweetened drink but the man what
kan eat strawberrys, bcSprinklel with
crushed shuggah and despatched with
sweet Ncme lat sumboldy els's expensel.
and not lay hiz hand on hiz stummuk
and thank the author oy strawberrys
and >tummukS, and the phellow who
pays for the Strawberrys. IL a man with
Il wOrn-out cOnScious-a man whose
mouth tast> like a hole in the ground,
and don't care what goes down it.
kokernutts grow up in the air. in a
hot climate way over the ocean. about
eighty fee: from the ground-on the top
Of Il tree.
They arc generally picked bi the mon
keys in that naborlrood, who throw them
at the natives, in exchange for the stones
that the natives hcave At the monkeys
They grow az Il nc.rc's head duz.
with 4 @ooi deal OF skull tew them.
y kokernuit. after It has been skalpt,
resembles an Old ten-pin hall. only lit
lie more round one way than luther
On the end ov the nut toward YOU Il
, ewes. fast asleep The kokernutt IL
opened III breaking the ,kull. and this
brings ',m few their milk.
The milk in the koAernutt haz never
hecn explained yet-and the reason Il.
becauzc nobody has ever asked me 10 DO
il.
Whenever the philosophers give il
up. shall reply 10 the konumdrum.
AZ an article oy diet. the koker IL about
"m Il level with the french raw iurnip.
and Il AZ hard tcw digest ~ one oy Sex
rciarv Stewards letters ov State.
B;leI koker might possibly be good if
ii warri I great deal better when it was
raw AMI raw kukernuii> Il only good
Tor children and youn. greyhound> iew
e;it. whose stummukS are like Z nutmeg
rrI;rr.
Tie only real good thing about this
form mutt Il IL skull. they can be cut
INTO >. and made into drinking kups.
AMI must confess. they DO look kind.
when laid on clean. iiait ston Ii the
SIDE Il, a meadow spring. but | kant
drink out ov them miSelf without think
im.. that if they had not been cut in >.
what kapital thing they would be tew
hild 4 youn. darkey 10.
But this Il only phooliSh nc>hen of
mime, AMI probably it couldn't be did en-
ny how
1t IL now about : or eleven years since
folks began To hanker after the Tomato.
About that time sum dohtor Nv pills dis
>cktcl one ov these vagrani vegetables.
ami discovered some doktor's stuff In
them.
Az soon rs folks found ont they waz
fi>ic they begun tew be VERY sweet on
the tomartcr
-At ihat time they waz in the habit oy
growing in sly places. where they want
afraid. over behind stone walls, among
broken jugs. dei rats. AMI old iniun rub
ber boots, Tor people wouldn't let them
grow III gardins emmy more than They
would a k;In;Iday thiSsel.
They were vagabond weeds. and even
a woods hogg wouldn't eat one of the
hcrryS that grew on them emmy quicker
than he would bawl OF red stocking
yarn.
But ii was decided that there waz sum
pills in them, and they were put lew
nuss IN polS and vases, and lived on The
phatt Ov the land, in hot houses. along
side ov tiger lilys and rozes of Sharon.
Ii took most folks about IS months of
perseverance and sea sickness few cit the
tomatoze to 60 quietly down, and now.
from 4 vile weed, more smelly than de-
ceased klam. the tomatow haz aktually
cot 10 be more honorabel than buk-
wheat slappIack or even pumpkin pi.
This shows what love and afieckshun
will do.
| haven't emmy doubt that if Professor
Ratsbane would say Professionally that
wasps' nests waz good to make a mustash
! grow black. halt the men in the country
would GIT a wasp and 90 into the nest
F bizncss.
/ ! don't beleayc Il tomater viii keep a
man emmy more healthy than rel clover
will, but am Just like everybody else,
wanted TO get sum better than waz, and
i went to >kcol TO the tomato, and hav
got learnt how few cat them if they are
filed with salt and pepper and soaked
with good slider vinegar.
hav seen folks pick them opff from
the vines in the gardin and eat them rite
down alive, would az soon undertake
tew eat handful ov putty.
But tomatoze Lave worked ihemseli,
up into necessary, and am the last
man TO injure their reputation, for be-
leave an innocent humbugg IL Just az
mutch right few win Of they kan, as