Tama County Republican. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1867-1872, 1867-01-11
resnorcus chppsngS.

III a sN "A
10 enc thing 81 timc--thats rule. When
#you hAve ass< slandering your neiehbor, be-
gin 70 cay your prayers.
Prentice says Of . rrbel editor who "smelt
rat" that II lie did, and the rat smelt him,
tue poor rat had the worst Of IL.
What il the difference between tho Prince of
wales and bomb she'll? One is heir to the
throne, the other thrown to the air.
e. Why are an ear Of corn and an oak similar
:. an origina Because they both spring from
acorn. -.
why are the ladies the biggest thieves in eS-
istence? Because they steel their petticoats,
bone their. stays, crib their babies and hook
their dresses.
!. Never look at the girls. They can't bear it;
they regard it as an insult. They wear their
feathers, furbelows and frlls merely to graft
fy their mammas that's all.
mo man can do anything against his will,
aaid metaphysician.
"Faix," said Pat, Il had brother who
went 10 prison against his will
We know boy who said he liked 81 good
rainy day--too rainy TO 60 to school, and JUST
rainy enough to go a-fshing.'
IL am happy to be still a virgin said the
old maid to the young bride. YES" said the
Young bride 10 the old maid, "a ycrgin on
atty, l should say Cruel,
John asked Julia If she would marry him
IN euir ho ~
fore John could recover from the shock she
srehly put in-"but you may have mc!'
is anybody waiting on your said a polite
dry goods clerk to a girl from the country
ayes. sir" said the blushins damsal, that
is my fellow outside; he won't come in
allow fast wicked men can 90 on in their |,
sins, exclaimed good but unsophisticatcd |
lady; "it only takes two seconds to fight q /
duel =
"Well, Annie, how did you set along with
That stupid lover OF yours. Did you succeed
in getting rid Of him.
oh, yes, got rid Of him easily enough
married him. and ha no lover now.s
An lrishman, on hearing Of friend having
stone coffin made for himself. exclaimed:
BY my sowl that's good idce. Sure and
stone coffin would last man life time
A man out West snys lie moved so often
during one year, that whenever Il covered
wagon stopped Ut the gate his chickens would |
fall on their backs and hold up their feet, in |
order TO have them tied and throw in.
III there is anybody under the canister Of
heaven that have in utter excresence,' says
AIRS. harrington, tit is the slanderer. going
snou, like hcy-cons,rctor. circulating his
eaion,cl on honest folks
smart young lawyers clerk hearing it
stated by lecturer thar man is merely ma
chine remarked; "Then suppose an attor-
ney may he said to be suing machine"
Pray. can you tell me what that man was
hanged for the other day. said an Irishnan
70 An acquaintance whom he happened TO meet.
Forgery, believe, was the answer
"rhc devil it was' returned Paddy, "why
Murphy told me it was suicide!H
A little boy running along. stuhhed his toe,
and fell OIL the pavement Never mind my
little fellow" said bystander, you won't
feel the pain tomorrow "Th.n," answered
the little boy, Il won't cry Tomorrow
Jones, while lately engaged in splitting
wood, struck false blew, causing the stick to
ny up, striking him on the jaw and knocked
cut a front tooth
.Ah, said Bill, meeting him soon after, 'yon
have had q dental operation performed, see"
"Yes, replied the other. x-dcntal.'
A Captain, who had sound sleeping mate,
caught an Irish boy in the middle watch, fry
ing some pork and eggs he had stolen from
the ships stores, to whom he called out "You
luther yo,,, III have meme Of that Faith
captain, I've got none sor ye, replied the boz.
WAS addressed by the magistrate: "l'rscncr,
you have heard the chargeof habitaal drunk
~nncss wha. hive you to say in defence -
Nothing, please your honor but habitual
thirst
At fancy dress ball in Paris recently, a
lady was seen in n very low-bodiedp dress,
while floating and waving an abundance OF
green gauze. he was politslysasked BY a
gentleman what she personate6.
"Tho sea. Monseur.,
AT low idle, thew, madame, was the rs:l
joinder ss'i
The lady blushed'snd the gentleman smiled
Atan examination il one Of our young ladies'
reminarics, the other day, the question was put
!, to class Of little ones: -
"Who makes the laws in our Govcrumcntj
.'tongross," was the ready reply. s.
'iiow is Congress divided WAS tho next
question. Eu, the little girl whom it was MT
failed to answer it. Another little girl in the
clars raised mp her hand indicating that she
could answer it.
Well said the examiner, "Miss Sallic
what do you say the division isl
Instantly, with an mir Of confidence, as we'll
"a triumph, the answer came:
"Civilzed, half-civilized aud SAVAGE
\ 'You have lost yomr babe, ! hear said
ono gentleman I another.