The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1867-09-04

Wbv is a prosy preacher like the middle of
a wheel? Because the fellows around him
| are tired.
'Look well before you leap, is very good
advice in its way, but how can sickly looking
people follow it?
The young lady who was discharged from
a pickle factory because she was so sweet
that the vinegar would not act, has found
employment In a candy store.
At church collection for missions, the
preacher said: any christian brethren, let
me caution those Of you who put in buttons
not break off the eyes. Itspoils them for use,
and they will not pass among the heather for
coin.
We were amused with the remark OF an
old lady who was admiring the beautiful
picture. called, Saved. It's no wonder, y
said she, !" that the poor child tainted, after
pulling that great dog out of the water,
An exchange paper gives the following
reason for not publishing a poetic effusion ::
The rhythm sounds like PUMPKINS rolling
over barn floor. while some lines appear to
have been measured with yard stick, and
Others with ten foot pole. :"
A well known authoress was yesterday
asked whether she would prefer to be sick
of cholera or small-po She replied, "small-
pox, to be sure, for with me sympathy is
everything, and you are sure to be pttted ii
you have the smallpox. "
An old lady in Trenton, N. j., read an &C
count of the bursting of grindstone used
in saw factory, and became alarmed lest
the small grindstone standing in her cellar
should burst in similar manner, and blow
up the house. She had the dangerous
thing" removed Immediately.
A negro lately gave his idea of faith in
Gods promises IN the following words: "Dar
is brick wall, and de Lord he stand dar
and say to me: Now, | want you to go troo
dat. [ amt gwine to say, Lord, l can't.
got muffin to do bout dat. All L have to
do bout it is to butt agin it, and it's de
Lords business to put me troo.
The following is recommended as the best
kind of soft soap, for all occasions: Fo: a
lieutenant, call him captain for middle
aged lady, kiss her and say you mistook her
for her daughter; for young gentleman ris-
ing fifteen, ask his opinion respecting the
comparative merits of razors; for young
ladies, if you know their color to be but nat
ural, accuse them of painting.
At an infant Sabbath school, the teacher
gave bible story-the Prodigal Son.
When he came to the place where the poor
ragged son reached his former home, and
his father saw him, a great way off, he
inquired what the father probably did. One
of the smallest boys, with his fists clenched,
said, 81 dunno, butt guess he set the dog on
him. "
The Augusta Me- Journal says that as
workmen were applying mastic to the front
of a block Of stores in that city, a man &C
costed the owner with the question:
Are you intending to masticate all your
stores 2"
"Not Immediately" was the reply; as
my teeth are rather poor may not chew up
more than one of them now"
DR.. Crosby, of New Haven, is genius
He invented the celebrated pin machine,
which is now turning out millions of those
conveniences. He is now perfecting need
lie machine, which turns out a perfect needle,
sharp point and drilled eye, without touch of
human hands, save in tempering. The Amer
lean fish-hook company, of New Haven, of
which he is president, uses an invention of
his which drops hundred perfect fish-hooks
per minute into pail at one end from the
coil of wire at the other.