The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1867-06-13
Miscellaneous.
A LITTLE TOO PUNCTUAL.

n LII Il LIE 4OO Il ON VI OAAs
The hour was approaching for the
departure of the New Haven steam
boat from her pier at New York, and
the usual crowd of passengers, and
friends Of passengers, newsboys, fruit
venders, cabmen, and dOck-Ioafers
were assembled on and about the boat.
We were gazing at the motley group
from the foot of the deck stairs, when
our attention was attracted by the sin
gular action ola tall, brown yankee,
in an immense brown hat, chocolate
cOlOred coat and pantalOons, and a
fancy vest. He stood near the star
board paddle-bOX, and scrutinized
sharply every female coming on board,
every now and then consulting an
enormous BULBS eye watch, which he
raised from the depths of a capacious
fob, by means of a powerful steel
chain. After mounting guard in this
manner, he dashed furiOusly down the
gang-plank and up the wharf, reap
pearing again on board almost in
simultaneously, expressing the most in
tense anxiety. This series of opera
tiOns he performed several times, after
which he rushed about the boat wildly,
and hOpelessly calculating:
"What's the time ofday? Wonder
if my repeater is fast? Whar's the
cap'n? Whar's the mate9 Whar's the
boss that owns this ship?''
"What's the matter, sir D.? we ventur-
ed to ask him, when he halted a mo-
ment for breath.
"Han't seen nothin of a gal ina blue
sun n-bOnnet, with a canton Grape shawl,
(cOst fifteen dOllars,) pink gown and
brown boots, hey?-cOme aboard while
I have been looking for the cap'n, at
the hind part of the ship-have Ye,
hey?"
'NO such person has come on board"
"TOrmented lightning!-she's my
Wife!' he screamed; "married her yes
terdayl All her trunks and mine are
aboard, under the pile of baggage as
tall as a Connecticut steeple The darn
black nigger says he won't leave my
baggage anyhow. My wife-only TO
think Of it-was to have come on
board at half past four, and here it is
most FIVE! What's become of her She
can't have e1opedi We havn't been
married long enough for that. YeOu
don't think she's been abdicated, do We,
mister? Speak, answer, won't ye?-I
Oh! Pm ravin' distracted. What areI
they ringing that bell for? Is the old
ship afre9"
at is the signal for departure-the
first bell ; the second bell will ring in
four minutes"
"Thunder! yeou don't say sol Whar's
the cap'n ?"
"That gentleman in the blue coat"
The Yankee darted to the captains
side.
"Cap'n, stop the ship for ten min
utes, will ye?"
"Can't do it, sir"
"But you must, I tell ye; I'll pay ye
for it. How much do you tax ?''
81 could not do it."
"Cap'n, I'll give yeou tew dollars"
gasped the Yankee.
The captain shook his head.
"I'l give yeou five dollars and
half-and a half-and half" he kept
and dancing about in agony,
like a worm on a hot plate.
"This boat starts at five, precisely"
said the captain, and turned away.
mOhl you stunny-hearted heathen"
murmured the Yankee, almost burst
ing into tears, "Partin' man and wife,
and we just one day marriedw
At this moment the huge paddle
wheels began to paw the water, and
the walking beam descended heavily,
shaking the huge fabric to the center.
All who were not going tONew Haven
went ashore. The hands began to
haul in the gang plank, the fasts were
already cut loose.
"Leggo that plank, i" roared the Yam
kee, coIaring one of the hands. "Drop
it like a hot potater, or Tn throw you
into the dock"
.CYO-yo ~ shouted the men in chorus,
IS they heaved on the gang-way.
"Shut up, yeOu brayin' donkeys,"
yelled the maddened Yankee, or
.here'l be all sorts of ugly work."