The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-03-15
THE CAUDLE LECrURTs.
mr.. CaudIe has been Called from his
Bed 10 Ball MT. PreItyman from the

Bed To Ball Mr. PreItyman from the
WaIeh-hOuse-
Yes, Mr.. CaQdle, knew it would
come to this. l said it would, when
you Joined those precious SkyIarks.
People being called out of their beds at
all hours of the night, 10 bail a set of
t fellows who are never SO happy as when
I they're leading sober men TO destruc-
] ton. l should like TO know what the
neighbors will think of you, with peo-
PIE from the police knocking at the
door at two in the morning. Don't tell
me that the man has been ill-used;
I he's not the man TO be ill-used. And
you must go and bail him, know the
end of that; he'll run away, and you'll
have to pay the money. 1 should like
to know what's the use of my working
and Shaving to save a farthing. when
you throw away pounds upon your
precious sSkylarEs. a pretty cold you'll
EaEe Tomorrow morning, being called
out OF yours warm bed this weather:
but don't you think I'll nurse you
not 1; not drop of cruel do you get
I'm sure you've plenty of WAYS of
spending your money-not throwing il
away upon a set of disSOlute peace
breakers. It's all very well for you to
say you haven't thrown away your
money, but you will. He'u be certain
TO run Of; II isn't likely he'll go upon
his trial. and you'll be fixed with the
pail. Don't tell me there's no trial in
the matter, because know there is: it's
for something more than quarrelling
with the policeman that he was locked
mp. People ar'n't locked up for that
No, it's tor robbery, or something
worse, perhaps.
And as you've bailed him, people
viii think you as bad as he is. Don't
tel me you couldn't help bailing him;
you should have shown yourself a re-
spectacle man, and let him been sent
TO prison.
Now people know you're the friend
OF drunken and disorderly persons
you'll never have a nights sleep on
your bed. Not that it would matter
what fell upon you, if it wasn't your
poor wife who suffered. OF course all
the business will be in the newspapers.
and your name with it. 1 shouldn't
wonder, too, ii they give your picture
as they do the other folks of the Old
Bailey. \ pretty thing that, To go down
to yonr children. I'm sure il will be
enough ts make them change their
name. No, shall not go to sleep: IT'S
all very well for you to saw, Go to sleep;
after such a disturbance. But l shall
not.''
Her Will, have no doubt" saws
Candle, was strong; but Nature was
indicting upon me remarkably short
lecture"
hr. Candle has Remained DOUn-staIrs
till past One with a Friend.
Pretty time of night TO come to bed,
Mr.. Caudle- Ugh! As cold, too, as any
ice Enough TO give any woman her
death, I'm sure What! I SHOULDN'T
hare locked up The coaEsF If hadn't.
I've no doubt the fellow would have
stayed all night. II's all very well for
you Mr.. Caudle, to bring people home
but l wish you'd think first what's
for supper. The beautiful leg of porII
would haves served for our dinner to-
'norrow-nnd now it's gone. Ican't
keep the house upon the money, and /
won't pretend 10 do II, il YOU bring a
mob of people every night 10 clear out
the cupboard
81 wonder who'll be so ready to give
you supper when you want one: for
want one you will, unless you change I,
your plans. Don't tell me! l know.
I'm right. You'll first be eaten up. {
and then Sou'l be laughed at Iknow
the world. No, indeed, Mr.. CaudIe, 1 I
don'tthink i'll OF every body; don't saw
that. But can't see a leg Of pork eaten
up In that way, without asking myself
what it's all TO end in IL such things 20 1
on And then he must have pickles, ]
too! Couldn't be content with nv ca b. /
oage-no, Mr.. Caudle, won't let you
go to Sleep It's Terv well for Won To |
say let you go TO sleep after You've (
Kept me awake till this time. WIN did
Keep dlcIke' How do you suppose 1 !
could go to sleep, when 1 knew that
man was below drinking up your sub
stance in brandy-aud-w water? for Lei
couldn't be content upon decent whole
some GIN Upon my word you ought
to be rich man, Mr.. Caudle. You
have such very fine friends. ! wonder
who gives you brandy when. you go outs
NO, indeed, he couldn't be content
with my picked cabbage-and should
like TO know who makes better-but he
must have walnuts. And you, too, like
a fool-uow, don't you think TO stop
me, MI Caudle; a poor woman may be
trampled TO death, and never saw a
word-you, too, like a fOol-I wonder
who'd do II for you-to insist upon the
girl going out for picked walnuts.
upon the ground Yes; you're a man
of hne feelings, You are, ATr. CaudIe:
but the world doesn't know you as /
know you-tine feelings, indeed! to
send the poor girl out, when told YOU,
and told your friend, too-a pretty
brute he Is, I'm sure-that the poor girl
had got cold, and dare say chill
blalns on her toes. But / know what
VIII be the end OF that; she'll be laid
up, and we shall have q nice doctors
for won't
=. I5otf 'O6sh you lgere out of the .oorld.
On! yes that's all very easy. I'm sure
might wish it. Don't swear IN that
dreadful way. Ar'n't you afraid thai
the bed VIII open and swallow Won?
And don't swing about in that way-
That will do no good. That won't bring
back the leg of pork, and the brandy
you've poured down both of your
Ihroats- Oh, 1 know il. I'm sure OF II.
only recollected IL when I'd got into
Ded-aud ifit hadn't been so cold, you'd
have seen me down stairs again, can
tell you; / recollected it-and a pretty
two hours I've passed-that l left the
key in the cupboard-snd I know it
u could see by the manner of YOU
when you came into the room-I know
you've got at the other bottle. How
ever, there's one comfort: YOU told me
10 send for the best brandy-the yery
best-for your other friend, who called
last Wednesday. Ha! heI It was British
the cheapest British-and nice andil
hope the pair of you will be to-mor-
There's only the bare bone of the
leg OF pork; but you'll get nothing else
for dinner, 1 can tell you. us a dread
iul thing that the poor children should 9
go withoHt-but, If they have such a
father, they, poor things, must suffer
Nearly whole leg of pork and
pint OF brandy! 4 pint OF brandy, and
a leg of pork a leg of-leg-leg-i
pint
And mumbling the syIIabies,' :, says
Mr.. Caudie's MS, ''she went TO sleep"
JOIN STUART Mills appearance
IL. II