Delaware State journal and statesman. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1855-1870, 1867-04-16
WIT AND HumoR.


WIT AND HUmOR.
Doc Poetry. certain bashful young man, |
mot having the necessary courage to pop the i'm
portant question to his lady love, and being very
desirous 10 ascertain her feelings in regard to
himself, indicted and sent the following miaslve
to her:
If you we're dog and were hog,
Roofing away in the yard
If your father should soy,
Drive the hog away"
Would you worry or bite very hsrdf
A sentiment 30 sublime as the above demand
ed an answer, and the young lady replied in the
following terms:
When am a dog and you are hog,
Wandering from the stye;
I'll not breathe nor bark,
But simply remark
''Go II porkie--root hog or die !"
OF the hundreds of Juvenile smart things, the
suLjoined, from Exeter, New Hampshire, is the
| best of the April crop: At the time there was
60 much excitement about iron-clad vessels, my
brother happened one day to be at dinner, and
was carving piece Of mutton. Said he: "This
mutton seems to be very tough" Little Walter,
q six year old, looked up, and said; "Father, l
guess II came off our iron clad ramp Referred
to the COMMITTEES on Naval Affairs
There appeared in late number of Harper
Christmas story entitled 'What Hope Bel
Found in Her Stocking" Thinking to amus'
the little ones who were turning their leavei
with me- l suggested to the children assembled
that we guess in turn what the contents of sait
stockings might be. But jamie, the youngest
not yet four, pnt an end to all surmising b,
saving, "She found her leg what do yol
spOse ?"
An unmitigated wretch complies the following
memoranda for young ladies: "Have goo
piano or none. Be sure to have 'dreadfu
cold when aSked to favor the company Or
8 at spider. Never leave your curl papers i
8 the drawing room. Drop your handkerchit
when you are going to faint. Mind you ar
engaged if you don't like your partner. AT
lure rluelets on wet day. Never faint unlef
it is convenient to fall.
a A friend Of ours visiting nelghbors foun
him disabled from having horse step upon b
foot. Hobbling out Of the stable, the suffer-
explained how it happened. 81 was standir
here" said he, "and the horse brought his fo
right down on mine" Our friend looked at Il
injured member, which was of the No. Is patter
said, very quietly, "well, the horse must st'
somewhere"
Bishop Burnet once preaching before Charl
IL, was much warmed by his subject, and utte
ing religious truth in very earnest manns
with great vehemence struck his fist upon 4
,u, desk, and cried out in loud voice, "Who da
deny this 2" "Faith," observed the king, in
kew not quite go loud as the preacher, "nobo
that ia within the reach Of that great fist
yours"
A clerk in Iowa City says: A very pref
>. and nobby young lady called in the store
K other day and requested to see our lavender
n. mo gloves, wherespon she was shown several
ferent shades Of that color. Being little ov
come with so great variety, she asked; ''Wh
of those pair are the lavendsrest."
ON wee bit of boy having been sligh
chastised by his mother, sat quietly in his oh
for some minutes afterward, no doubt think
very profoundly. at last he spoke out th
/. "Muzzer, wish dad would get anuzzer hot
keeper--Ivs got tired O. seein you round"
"Do you see that fellow lOunging there dc
nothing 2" said Owens TO Jenkins. "How d
IS he live by his wits2' "oh, no ! he's cal
bal.n "a cannibalf" ayes, q cannibal, he
dur on other people"
sAss Sharp-Rather. First Boy; say, Bill
eS, sSs "a yer got in that wallet Second Boy;
he he dyer know my name was Bill First b
acre. Oh, guessed it. Second Boy; Then yer
'@ or guesa what's in this ERE wallet
WITH WITH Many girl thinks she can do nothing
ness out husband, and when she gets one hndf
Gates can do nothing with him.
phos. A native Of Africa who had visited Engla
" few years ago, when asked what ice was, 8
Him be water fast eslesp."
b., The Scripture says "the glory Of won
her hair" but ii no where says that The
w w Of any woman is any other Womans hair.
'Ss' Which ia the oldest, Miss Ann Tquity
Anuty Deluvian, Miss Ann Terror, Miss
cestor, Miss Ann T. Mundane, or Miss Al
- Cedenti
u urSE, .r A yOungster perusing chapter of q
&c., turned to his mother and inquired if peo
fAA those days used to do sums on the ground
had been reading the passage; "And tn
of men multiplied upon the face Of the ea
The evening before battle an officer
Marshal TOria for permission to go and
father, who was at the point Of death.
,,,,. said the Marshal, who saw through bis pI
.honor thy father and thy mother that th
ARPEr may be long in the land"
,sspeet. A Western shoemaker advertises for "a
. who has knowledge of fitting boots
I. g. good moral character"