Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1867-01-03
Sense and Nonsense.

Beer fills many bottle, the bottle
fills many bier.
-Punch's advice how to kill time
shoot every day.
WAY is John Morrissey like the Red
Sea? Because he is death on Faro
Times are so hard it is suggested
that pantaloons may as well be made without
pockets.
Queer thing is an insurance policy.
If can't sell it, cancel it, and if / cancel it.
can't sell it,
-Artemus Ward thinks the great year
ly fall of rain in England may be owing to the fact
that the country has monarchical form of govern
ment.
A hop on the eight fantastic toe"
may be pleasant, but not when you hop on the fam
tastic toe of your neighbor.
An unctious little paper published
in the petroleum regions has for its motto: prove
Oil things; hold fast that which is good"
a haunted house is a tenement of
any number of haunted stories to which is added
an extraordinary one, in the form of ghost story
ST stand upon the soil of freedom"
cried a stump orator. ''Nol' cried his shoemaker
you stand in pair of shoes that have been
paid for
An old miser, having listened to a
very eloquent discourse on charity, remarked
THAT sermon SO strongly proves the necessity Of
almsgiving that I've almost a mind to beg
-" Where are you going so fast, Mr..
smith?n demanded Mr. Jones' Home, sir, home :;
don't detain me; have just bought my wife a new
bonnet, and l must deliver it before the fashion
changes"
-" Sure" said a sanctimonious Irish
man of priest who was given to secular pursuits
on the Lords day, sure, an that mon is mighty
sinner is he-forits mesef that has seen him break
tie Sd660th eUe''y day Of has Hfe."
"A man was lately invited to dinner,
and dish of ice cream was placed before him. 1t
was new dish to him. He tasted it, then, beckon-
ing to the waiter, said audibly, that's very good
pudding, but do you know its froze?"
-" Seventy eight" New York Herald
Office, advertses for "a till clerk who is handsome
and a rapid penman; salary, $3.50 Address in own
hand writing. This gentleman evidently believes
that "a thing of beauty is JOY forever"
-" john" said careful father, "dont
give Cousin Williams horses too many oats-you
know they have hay.' Yes, sir, said John, NOV
ing toward the barn. ''And bark ye, JShn; don't
give them too much hay, you know they have
OATS
When the Irish priest rebuked his
parishioner for drunkenness and told him that
whenever he entered an alehouse to drink, his
guardian angel stood weeping at the door," "And
if he had siXpence he'd be in himself, was Pats
reply.
-" Charlie, my DEAR" said loving
mother to her hopeful son. just budded into
breeches, Charlie, my dear, come here and get
some candy 81 guess / wont mind it now,
mother replied Charlie; I've got in some to-
bacco.''
A correspondent of the London
Journal treats at some length on the best way to
prevent hydrophobia. Awag, in reply, suggests that
by getting on fourteen rail fence and staying until
the dog left.
Little Jimmie, only about ten years
old, standing the steps of his fathers store.
smoking cigar gentleman passing, asked MN m
smoke?'s .sOh' SAYS the child very coolly taking
his cigar between his fingers, when was little
feller"
A certain Judge was reprimanding
an attorney for bringing several small suits into
court, and remarked that it would have been much
better for all parties had he persuaded his cenls to
leave his cause to the arbitration of honest men.
6 Please your honor retorted the lawyer, I'VE did
not choose to trouble honest men with them The
judge tainted.
"A writer at Crab Orchard Springs
Kentucky, gives the following; Passing the draw,
ing room, last evening, my attention was attracted
to an exceedingly corpulent young lady visiting the
Springs for her health. She was seated at the piano.
and singing, they miss Me at Home? thought
they did-about meal time
Two students meeting on the road
with hostlcr, they fell to bantering him, and told
the fellow they would prove him to be horse or an
ass. ''Well,'' said the hostler can prove your
them. How can that be?'' :. Because said the
hostler, 1T is something between an ass and
horse
a Dutchman had two pigs-a large
one ana q small one. Inc smaller one OelD2 Iil6
elder, he was trying to explaing to customer and
he did it in this wise: 1.-THE little pig is the pig
gestn Upon which his wife, assuming to correct
him, said: You will excuse him: he no speak as
good English as me- he no mean that the little pig
is the biggest but the youngest pig is the Oldest"
a new way of keeping warm has
been put in practice. and with good effect. 1t is to
have buokwheat cake made large enough to cover
the bed. like a guilt, and spread over it piping
hot" about the time of retiring. When made Of
proper thickness, il retains the heat until mornn
and then. if person is too lazy to get up he can
make very good breakfast by eating off the edges
as ne lies.
a gentleman called ON a rich miser,
and found him at the table endeavorng to catch a
fly. Presently he succeeded in entrapping one,
shut down the cover. The gentleman asked for an
explanation of this singular sport = III tell YOU"
replied the miser, triumphant grin overspreading
his countenance as he spoke; II want to ascertain
if my servants steal the sugar"