Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1867-02-28
Wit and HsaBsaOr.

~ ~ f. What is the shape of kiss? Flip
tical1 iptiekle).
Who was the biggest liar in sacred
history Go-liah.
when is vessel in love? When
shelis attached to buoy.
WHAT day in the year is an injunc-
ton to go forward? March 4th.
WHY is prolix clergyman like an
aged person? Because they both di-late.
When is Mary not dis-syllable?
When you change it to a Polly-sylable.
When may ship be said to be in
love? When she is tenderto man of:war.
WHY is making honey like whip
ping? Because it is bee-laborfng business.
What is better than presence of
mind in RAILROAD accident? Absence of body. 4
What Kind of essence does a young
maaliae when he pops the question Acquies-
Why. are eats like unskilful sur
geons! Because they new -till-late and destroy
patients, 1890, t.t,tgV sr -
'' &, = Why are the Mary's the most ami
able of their sex? Because they can always be
4 WHAT word is that of five letters
from which, ifyou take two of them, only one is
left? Stone. i9Hf" = i7.'es.
v---1H Which are the patients who should
be placed in the highest part ofthe hospital? The
room-attics.
A schoolmaster in Ohio advertises
that he will keep Sunday School twice weekr-on
Tuesdays and Saturdays.
!. A lazy fellow, lying down on the
grass said: 'sOh, how do wish this was called
work, and was well paid for faofh st-'' S."i
ai The following is probably the worst
conundrum ever perpetrated: Why is dogs tail
like an old Inan?' Because it is in-firm.
Tho fo1I01,y;,,rr n t,.,,o oo,1,r :,
note received by a schoolmaster: @ss Sur, as You
are man OF noledge, intend to inter my son in
your skull.''a esoed 1"a s7Fi' iat. !ttt' fs7
80 Why is a benevolent landlord who
lowers his tenants a, rent like man who draws up
to assist him "a SYSTEM. il9. f.,ttff .s.a..tf
z ---T'lie proprietor. of a forge, not re-
niarkable for correctness of language but who bv
honest Industry had realized q comfortable indie
pendence, being. called upon at 4 social meeting
Tor toast, gave: success to forgery
,,i---- IS Sir.mml said an indignant husband to
his reckless friend, you have abused my hospi-
talty, you have kicked me down stairs, and YOU
have kissed my wife before my facea Beware, sir
A few NOR such outrages and, bynJoye, you'll
rouse the British lionn Pa at}a edt .statef ~ .
e A windy orator in the New York
Legislature after a lengthy effort stopped for
drink of water. ~ rise, said Bloss, to q, point
of order ef EVERYBODY s2ed wondering what the
to go by water Ext VT -
I. "A drunken fellow had wandered
into a Sunday School, and took seat anon.
primer scholars. when the teacher accosted himwith
iWhy james, do you know what condition you
are my Yes, MN, in the gall of bit'ness, N
quesh MS" rssI ..ss,.4.sf .stf5
An old Scotch lady had an evening
party, where young man was present, who was
ABOUT TO leave for an appointment in China. AS
he was exceedingly iextravagant in his conyersa-
ton abont himself the old lady said when she was
leaving, TAX guide care O. yourself when we are
awa for mind ye, they eat puppies in China, +.
r A man advertised lately to forward,
on receipt of postage stamps ''sound practical adj
vice, that would be applicable at any time and to
oil persons and conditions of life'' On receipt of
the stamps he sent his victim the following
"Never give boy penny to watch your shadow
while you climb tree to look into the middle of
next week. tfiHf -. bir- s5' lau>t . fsG4H"t I
E . g q If a girl refuses you" says a re-
jected lover, don't give it up, but try it again.
grammar, however, don't consider yourself accent
ed when girl jilts you twice.. asked one female
forty-one times, and at last she got to expect it
whenever came, and sometimes would halloo out
mol ~ from the top of the stairs before got fairly
In the house. This is unusual let me here remark
"A German boarding house keeperiin
Cincinnati had roast pig for dinner on Sunday.
The animal "a small one) was served up whole,
and as it was placed on the table sent forth an APP
petizing and savory smell that pervaded the dining
room and made every occupant wish for q slice !;
but to the astonishment of every guest great,
burly, hlrsute Teutonic pork dealer from the conn
try sat down opposite the dish and ncontinently
appropriated the entire roast. The landlord hap
pened to be absent, and good breeding prevented
any of the guests from entering protest; so Hans
made such havoc of the dish, and wiped his lips
with such evident relish that one of the walters,
with keener sense of the fun, approached him
and inquired If he would have anything else.
Hans beaming face frightened in moment and
he asked in reply " Got any more ov dem leetle
hogs?"t e'it r. q ri ~ q 'e'a ~ -t4 I.
Some years ago, at Burns festival
in Cincinnati it was declared that the best pun
ever made was made by President Monroe. Some
surprise was expressed that Mr.. Monroe should
have been a facetious man. The story runs some
thing thus: A Scotch servant, employed about
the Executive mansion, who had a broad accent,
and good fund of cold humor, had been charged,
by certain persons who had projected monument
IN honor OF something or somebody, with mes
sage to an appropriate official, who, it seems, was
not the President. But old Sandy sought the Chief
Magistrate, in whose personal service he was, and
conveyed the communication to him. Mr. Monroe
instructed him to address the message elsewhere,
and thereupon Sandy, persisting like a Scotchman,
Sven 0n4d d II dGo onro she h
self up erect and symmetrical ''don't you see,
am not the mon you nseGnt.'
.4 Lord Dundreary attempted to get off
a conundrlm once, and was rather unfortunate
IN had he sne a any ynn 9
theft for thome time tho couldn't give her any
vewy gweat novelty, but fwiend of mine made
one latht theathon which l thought wather neat,
tho affixed her: i7. af
iia 'sWhen it'll a jar not jar?'' .e .
.'Thingulary enough, the moment thye heard
thith widdle thye burtht out laughing behind her
pocketh andkerchief
. Good sGwathiouthI what 18th. che fnatter?''
thaidI "have you ever heard it beforeY'A II (
Never" thye thaid, emphatcaliy, &C in that
form. Do, pleathe, tell me the anthwer.''
Tho told her, when it it'll doori"
q Upon which thye-thye went off again into
hythewicks.- LII never did thee thuch a CIVIL
for laughing. j know it 18th good widdle but