The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1867-05-22

PEPPER Box.-The capillary sub
stance on the top Of our cranium being
somewhat in danger of pulling, we
omit the spice for ladies for season, till
the storm subsidies, and instead give a
sprinkle from the pepper box, for gentle
men.
The first is a poor fellow, and a tolcT-
able poet who wants a wife; We hope he
may soon be out Of his present misery
want a wife
To cheer my life;
I care not what she lacks in beauty,
So but find
That she is kind,
And knows and practices her duty.
want a wife
Who through her life
Was never known 70 be a firt;
Who'll bring to me
A recipe
To keep the buttons on shirt.
If such a one
Dweils meath the sun,
And dom 'tmind leaving friends behind her,
With the author of this
She'll find true bliss,
BY informing him where he may find her.
The second j. the snarl of an old vete-
ran who has been through the mill OF
matrimony, and sea of other troubles +;
he needs lecoAstructing.
What is the use Of living? We are
aogged for crying when we are babies !;
hoggcd because the schoolmaster is cross,
when we arc boys; obliged to toll, sick
or well, or starvc, when We are men; to
work still harder (and suffer something
worseD when VIC arc, husbands; {; and,
after eXhauSting life and strength in the
service OF other people, die, and leave
our children to quarrel about the pos
session Of our watch; and our wife-to
catch somebody else"
In case number three matrimony
seems at discount, and connubial bliss
not much If any at all Our lady friends
will echo the sentiment that the Husbands
in this case must be to blame, aod should
be both booted"
A singular Law suit is now on trial at
Albany. Two young men, each married
but few weeks, got sick Of their wives
and proposed to "swoP," and very singu-
larly the women consented. But the
husband OF the homIiest cne promised to
pay $50 Ito boot" and as he has neg.
!ccted to hand over, the suit is brought
to recover the money.
What will not drink do? Here's a
case of a drunken gandcr who fancied
himself a goose:
A man came home drunk on a cold
night and vomited in basket contain
Ing goslings, which his wife had placed
before the fire, upon seeing which he cx-
claimed: "Mv God, wife, when did l
swallow them ttings?"
The same fellow after getting over his
drunk lets off on his empty bottle, thus
wise:
"Tis very strange that you and
Together cannot pull a
For YOU are full when | am dry,
And dry when am full.
Jones, Smith and White mentioned
below should be killed by love; man
born of woman should die Of woman.
Jones has just lost wife, and says to
neighbvi, as the coffin is lowered into
the grave:
II have lost COWS, I've lost sheep,
I've lost horses, and I've lost calves, but
this is the wust of the whole loss"
And Smith on being intecrogated by
friend as ITO where he was going so last,'
says:
"Home, sir, home; don't detain me.
l have just bought my wife new bon
net, and | must deliver it before the
fashion goes out"
While White on being told that his
wife had lost her temper, said he was
"glad oft, for it was very bad one"
Human depravity can 60 no further.
The last new invention is the "veni vidi
Eichy bonnet. Great Caesar himself is
pressed into the service of fashions.