The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1867-06-21

| rum MN MlfE WAS GETTING DIN
NER.-Ten O'Clock: The wife digging
potatoes; two children crying, and two
Others fighting. Husband not about.
HdJ past ten.-Wife returns from po-
tato patch; finds a pig in the kitchen
makes fire and goes after water.
quarter TO eteren.-Wife returns finds
all the children crying, and the dog in
the meal barrel. Fire out.
Eecen.-Renews the fire; puts on the
potatoes puts the bread on it, whips
the other young one, who had escaped
before by hiding in the closet.
Hay past eieren.-Wife goes for more
water; returns and finds the pig has up
set the potatoes from the stove, the dog
has eaten the bread, and the children
are crying and fighting alternately.
Whips pig first, dog next, then the chill
dren; then commences getting dinner
again.
Itretre.-Husband returns and finds
no dinner; swears few,.and whips a
young one. Wife gets mad, and makes
for broomstick.
Grand Id5ledu.-Wife beating hus-
band with n broomstick three children
holding on to their fathers coat, and
three to their mothers dress Hog run
ming in the distance with potato, and
dog in pursuit. Curtain falls.
BILLINGS PHILOSOPHY.-T want to
bet three dollars that no man ever
matched himself against the devil but
what he got beat.
Aim hi, if you strike low. The man
who undertakes to jump three hundred
and seventy-five feet ahead. will GER
tainlv make pOp1 trv
L never knu II man who was alwus
anXus tew repent of his sins, before he
had committed them, who didn't want
the sharpest kind NV watching.
never bet emmy stamps on the man
who is always telling what he would
have did if he had been thare. have
notised that this kind never get thare.
Faith don't appear to me to be any
thing more than tip-top good sense;
and the faith that is in this world now
won't keep q man from falling to the
bottom of well if he lets go of tho
curb to spit on his hands.
When | get to not having emmy good
luck, it does seem to me that | kan
have more of it than any man | over
knew, and not half try; | suppose 1t
seems just so tOyou, my friend, don't it?
| kant think of emmy talent now, that
is so apt to descend from father TO son,
untarnished, rs the gift of eXageration.
"I'LL MENTION IT TO HIM. 1.-Two
young lawyers, Archy Brown and Thos.
Jones, were fond of dropping into Mr..
Smith'r parlor and spending an hour
or two with his daughter, Mary. One
evening, when Brown and Mary had
discussed almost every topic, Brown
suddenlyand in his sweetest tones struck
out as follows:
do you think, Mary, you could leave
father and mother, this pleasant home,
all its ease and comforts, emigrate to
the far West with a young lawyer, who
has little besides his profession to de-
pend upon, and with him find II new
home, which it should be yourjoint du-
ty to beautify, and make beautiful and
happy like this?"
Dropping her head softly on his shoul-
der, she whispered:
81 think | could, Archie.n
"Well,n said he, "there is Tom Jones
who is going to emigrate, and wants to
sget a wife; I'll mention it to him." In
dignantly she replied, "you need not
trouble yourself"
ONE evening Il parent was hearing
his little Johnny recite his Sunday
school lesson. 1t was in the 10th chap
ter of Matthew, wherein il relates of
the malicious individual who went
about sowing tares, etc
"What is Il tare?" the parent inter-
rupted 20 inquire.
Johnny heSitated.
| "Tell me, my son, what tare is"
"YOu have had 'em," said Johnny,
casting down his eyes and wriggling his
| foot.
"Had 'em! !" said the astonished pa-
rent, opening his eyes rather wide,
"why, what do you mean johnny"
"When you didn't come home for
three days last week." said Johnny, "I
heard mother tell aunt Susan you WAS
off on tare." The Sunday school was
brought to an abrupt close, and johnny,
who knew too much altogether 10 Sit
up any later, was sent to bed.
THE Rev. Charles Siemon said: The
longer | live the more feel the import
ance of adhering to the following rules,
which l have laid down for myself in
relation TO such matters:
|. To hear as little as possible what is
to the prejudice of Others.
>. TO believe nothing of the kind un-
! til | am absolutely forced to.
| 3. Never to drink in the spirit of one
who circulates an i'll report.
! 4. Always to moderate rs far us ! can
the unkindness which is expressed to-
wards others.
! 8. Always to believe that If the other
side were heard,a very different account
would begiven.
THE oldest deaf and dumb asylum in
! the world-the grave.