The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1867-07-01
From our Special Reporter.
celebration of the University Ugly
Club"
UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA, !
.Jpne 2S. 1867. {

A. NJ J large crowd assembled on the
dawn To honor the exhibition of their ugil-
nesses. The grave professor, the divine,
the man of. business, the gray haired
father, the blushing maiden, the matron,
the young man, and the small boy we're all
there, eager for the exercises to begin.
The President Of the Club, Mr.. ". II.
Chambers, very gracefully introduced the
exercises, and announced the speakers.
Mr.. Thomas Williamson, Of Lexington, as
being lin the Judgment Of the Club the
meet uQliest, presented the boots to Mr..
William Wallace Scott, Of Orange county,
Va, "the ugly man" for the session OF
ls66'G7.
Alter an appropriate introduction, Mr..
Williamson sail "Io the outset ] owe
Won an explanation, in case Our represent
alive should not be- considered ugly
cnourh. which is the simple statement
that he is onlyto DC considered the uglieat
man among the .SiudcutS Of the University;
that at the time Of his selection the pro-
fcssors Of this time -honorcd institution
were not members of our organization.
We natter ourselves, however, that Mr..
William Wallace Scott, Of the county OF
Orange, in the State now known as !" Bis
trict No. l." is ugly enough in al! con
science to satisfy the most tastdious taste.
In fact, were he arraigned for life on a
charge Of even a little beauty, nc would
here, before this august assembly, be &C
Quilted without single dissenting voice,
and be allowed to go Scott free"
The speaker then made all ingenious
defence Of uglincss IN man-though he
could say, as there were mono but
pretty women present, "an ugly woman IS
A perfectly useless piece OF furniture
bnt assured the ladies that they should not
trust one as ugly as Scott or as pretty as
Hampstead, but should rather put their
confidence in one Just about rs uyly a5ht"'-
ser. He then referred to the rivalry
which had existed between himself and
Mr.. Scott for the first honor Of the club
expressed himself as yielding gracefully to
Mr.. Scott, whose supreme uglineSs he then
proceeded to culogizc. He presented the
: boots to Mr.. Scott with the parting wish
"May your future be marked by pros
peritv may your wife be pretticr as j
woman than you arc as man :" The
boots arc very handsome, and one might
be willing to be ugly TO bear oil such
honorS.
Mr.. Scott (wlo, by the way, has just
graduated OH law, and is really not 50 nglj
as to trighten any clients that may give
him a call) begun his response by speak
ing Of the brilliant asscmblagc there met
10 do h0m0qe to ugliaeSS, and Of his pride
in wearing the boots, and thus bearing OIL
the first honor Of the club. lie doubted
not that there were many ladies who would
say that his boots were better than huS-
bands, and mary a hen pcckcd husband
who would swap his wife for the boots.
But he was in negotiation with number
of fair oues, vino were offering him high
prices for his boots, provided lie would go
along and wear them and he wanted ii
understood that they were up to the high
est lady bidder in proportion 10 age, good
looks, &c. lie then passed TO pay q tri-
butte to Mr.. Williamson, who presented
him with the boots: " He tells sou III the
outset Of his remarks he 'fee!s cmbar-
raised becU,Se tie iadiCS are 50 pretty.
Ave. he felt embarrassed at the boot ciec-
lion because Tom Williamson 1roS So r9ly.
In soothc, he is 4 very modest man-so
modest that when the election for these
honors was held, although he was loudly
called for, he was too sliamc-iaocd, or
>hnmetuNy faced, rather, to mount the los
trum, exhibit his horrd visage, and insure
his election. Ola no his modesty (aud
1ne,il IS ditr0tS modest you know caused
him 10 hide his hideous features III the
crowd, and thus escape the certain and de-
served fate Which awaited him. lnspcak-
ing OF him, ladies' and gentlemen, his n0St
shall be the foundation on Which my re.
marks shall rest: but fear not that my
speech shall bc as long as that is. IT'S Il
handle that think can hold him by, and
for that reason select it,
If ShakSpearc's definition Of jealousy
green. cyed monster BE correct one,
then, he thought, the gentleman must be
Jealous of him. AS for the gcntlcman's
baby talk, he could never have realized
that such a nose could ever have belonged
to baby had he not recently seen at
mcnageric the 1oby elephant.
The speaker then paid his respects, IN
the same style, to his other rivals for his
honor, one of whom had gotten such q
realizing sense of his supreme uglincSs
that he had fled to Europe. But IAN
exile cannot flee from HIMSELF as we
know, and | understand that the Pari:
papers have already announced his com
ing in sixteen different languages, herald
ing him as the ugliest man known to the
civilized world-the living wonder OF the
American continent, and the greatest ma
tura! curiosity at the Paris exhibition"
After some admirable verses TO another
OF his rivals, Mr.. Scott concluded thus
"Mr. President and brothers, may i
please your dcformitcS, | accept these
boots--truly fine pair, with high heels
with due appreciation of their value, (t'
wit, nineteen doAarS and no cents,) and a
becomes 4 modest and an ngly man,
shall return to my home
Brushing meath The honors which wear.
These sweet consultations have | il
taking them--lirSt, that in the tar-oi
homes of Louisiana and Missouri, or tn,
nearer ones Of Lexington, Portsmouth,
Buckingham, and Fauquicr for from these
places do MY rivals haiD, some fond pa
rents hearts will beat happier at knowing
that there is one uglier living man than
their Sons-a fact which they could never
have believed before; and, secondly, that
many mind that has hitherto been
barren of witticism will stu,t!e HSe}f at
its own hrilliancy in calling me Boots"
But you have grown tired Of ugineSS,
and | must needs say farewell 10 these
friends Of my sole Soul.
Farewell word which must be and hath
been
y so"nd which! makes us linser--yet farewell,
Ie who have Known the student TO The scene
which Is his last, II In your memories dwell
a though! which once was his, II on h:m
dwrliS
single recollection, not in vain
lie II Wear these boots. My ugly friends fare
well!
have given the above as a specimen OF
the character of the speeches, and have
only space now for bare notice Of the