Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1867-09-04
How Uncle Ben Lost his {" Hind sites.''

1 I1OW ChCle aOSt Ais &AAhN oNSSS'
We find the following humorous AID capi-
al communication in the Columbus Enquirer.
Read it:
Editor Enquirer: The Southern Confede-
racy is a thing of the past She is dead, bu'
viii live in tie pantheon Of nations. Nor was
she stricken down, as Austria was, by tie
prowcss OF her enemy, but fell as Niagara
fails, subilnely by the gravitation Of Prov
dcuce. To this it bccolaes US 10 bow our
leads revcrentiv. But to the everlasting ad
vice from certain politicians to bow our necks
to the yoke of the conqueror. aud keep quiet
under has ruff rnanipulations, the only reply
that can in reason be made is, that tho sheep,
though quiet aud dumb uader the hands o.!
the shearcr, will struggle and bleat If the
shears zip the skin
We've been made to wade neck deep in the
waters of humiliation. With our hands tied.
we've been made to march up and down and
beat tine to the tune OF" Yankee Doodle"
with u wutc bayonet on one side and a black
one on tic other We ale denied representa-
ion, hut taxed fro:n cellar 10 garre, in our
incomes and our out comes. And yet, we
must keep cool, be quiet go slow. and rely On
the organic law Of the land. How can we
keep down all excitement and 60 slow when
the North is in a.rage and breaking thiags 10
kpiec5s? .sy
When I was boy, was boarded with old
Uncle Ben Bush, 10 get the benefits Of
school that had sprung up in his ncghborhood.
U.ce Ben was diyniiied Christian m.n and
sensible, but was u little too fond Of piling MP
:rccept upon precept. He would say in his
digrlfied way, "1had., my boy. you can't do
.o;ha' right under excitement. When the
house is on fire you can't put it out, cf you're
excited. keep cool. 60 slow, my boy, and
then you'll be in fix 10 outGo fire, ar sword,
ar wild beasts, ur what rot" And even
when was relating some incident and my
fancy would become somewhat excited by the
friction OF the recital, he would say in his
short, emphatic way, Go slow" From the
old gtntleman's preoepts Of this kind, and his
| digulfed derncanor, came, in time, to look
upon him as u philosopher. But one day a
little incident made me forever sensible O!
the wide difference there is between philos
piers prccepts and his example. The way
Of it was this: The old gentleman had a
large blue sow that we called cold Blue Di-
nah" One TorEiug Uncle Ben says. TLac.,
my boy, want you to help me mark Old
Blue Dinah's' pigs" The SOW and pigs be-
ing in fve-acre LOT, Uncle Ben told me to
turn the SOW out, pin the gate and mako the
dog catch the pigs, which he would do with.
out hurting them by holding them down with
his nose AID paws till could come up and
take hold. But before We commenced, says
|: Uncle Ben, old Blue Dnah's as strong
as an elephant, and when she hears her pigs
soucai she'll be as mad as tiger, and shell
get through that gste too" Says be: Did
you put the pin in Z" Says i Yes; but
it's nothing but pine, and she'll break it like
pipe stem" Says he: $50 Slow" Well,
the dog and had caught the last pig and
Uncle Ben was coming leisurely up, knife in
hand, when, sure enous sb, the pin broke and
the old SOW bore down npon ua like a. brigade
with gongs. AS l had the pig, l expected
the infurlatcd beast to attack me, but not so
sue made for Uncle Ben, and Uncle Ben
made for the fence Fora moment l stood
stock still: almost paralyzed with fear lest
the SOW should oyertskc him. At length,
however, thought Of ny own safety, and
made Tor the same friendly structure, which |
reached Just in time to see Cncle Ben still
noing it as if the SOW had crossed the fence
| when he did. Partly for mischief, and parity
to let the old gentleman know that all DANCE.
was over. shouted: Uncle Ben, 60 sow.'
At this, he pulled up, aid, making toward,
the fence where / sat, sad in tone of voice
very unusual with him: Yha4, you're fool,
sitting on the fence hollering 60 sloT, instead
of knocking that internal old brute on the
head with lightwood knot, and she tearin
uy very bind sites OF" made handsome
apology to Uncle Ben, and suggested that We
might finish marking that pig, but he excused
himself aud went If in sort Of huff. As
he turnea to 60, discovered that what he
called lis hind sites was ;he seat of his
brecches, Vi hich the oi coy had torn away
Just as he was clearing the leaca.
From the incidents OF that day, which Are
still fresh in my memory. | have drawn the
following conclusions, applicable 10 our pres
ent condition.:
1st. 1t seeuis to me that the North is as
much inflriated as OLD Elre pinah was
I'd. That the organic law we ase tod 10 re.
ly upon is about as reliable as an organic
| pine pin.
Sd. That under certain trying circnmstau-
ceS, even Christian gentleman is liable to
lose lis equauimi'y with the loss Of what
Uncle Ben calls lis hiud sites.
TuADDEUs OF WARSAW Bush.
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