Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-04-02
How I Came tc be Married.

L may be funny, but I've done it. I've got
rib and baby Shadows departed-oyster
stews, brandy juleps cigar boxes, boot-jacks,
absconding shirt buttons, whist and dominoes
Shadows present-hoop skirts, band boxes, gal
ters long stockings, juvenile dresses, little will
low chairs, cradles pap, sugar teats, paragoric,
hive syrup, SIENNA, salts, squllls, and doctor S
bills. Shadows future-more blessed babies,
hive syrup, etc. I'll just tell you how got
caught
was always the darndest, most tea-custard
bashful fellow you ever did see; it was kinder
in my line to be taken with the shakes every
time L saw pretty gal approaching me, and
Id cross the street any time rather than face
one "Twasn't because [ didn't like the crit
tiers, for if [ was behind fence, looking thro'
a knot hole, could look at one long enough.
Well my sister Lib gave party one night,
and | stayed away from home because l was too
bashful to face the music. [ hung around the
house, whistling ''Old Dan Tucker" dancing
to keep my feet warm, and watching the heads
bobblng up and down behind the window cur
tains, and wishing the laundering party would
break up, so [ could get to my room. I smo-
ked up a bunch of cigars, and it was getting
late and nightly uncomfortable. [ concluded
to shin up the door-post No sooner said than
done, and | quickly found myself snug in bed.
Now says l. ''let her rip! dance till your
wind gives out y and cuddling under the quilts,
Morpheus grabbed me-
| was dreaming of soft-shell crabs and stewed
tripe, and was having good time, when some
body knocked at the door and walked NE up
Raped again. | laid low Rap, rap. rap
Then [ heard whispering, and knew there
was a whole raft of girls outside
Rap, rap.
Then Lib sings out:
Jack are you in there?'
eyes, says [.
Then came roar of laughter.
LET US in,' says She
Il won't" says /; cant you let a fellow
alone?''
Are YOU abed p says she.
Il am, says l..
Get up says she.
Il won't" says |. Then came another laf
By thunder! began to get riled.
Get out, you petticoated scarecrows u |
cried.
Cant you get beau without hauling fel-
low out Of bed [ won t go home with you'll
won't-so you may clear Quit
Then throwing boot at the door, felt bet
ter. But, presently, oh mortal buttons I
heard still. smaller voice, very much like sis
ter Lbs, and it said
Jack, you will have to get up, for all the
girls things are in there"
OH,I4O Wldl d Inluk VI III Ucu,
all covered with shawls, muffs, bonnets and
cloaks, and twenty girls outside waiting to get
in If had stopped to think, [ would have
tainted on the spot. As it was, [ rolled out
among the bonnet wire and ribbons in hurry
Smash went the millinery in every direction
I had to dress in the dark-for there was lit
tie crack in the door, and the girls will peep
and the way [ fumbled about was death on
straw hats The critical moment came. [
opened the door and found myself right among
the women.
''Oh, my leghorn!'' cries one ''my dear.
darling winter velvet, cries another, and they
pitched in-they pulled me this way and that,
boxed my ears, and one bright-eyed little piece
Sal was her name-put her arms light around
my neck, and kissed me right on my lips. HUI
man nature couldn't stand that, and | gave her
as good as she sent. 1t was the first ever cot
taste, and it was powerfully good. I believe
| could have kissed that gal from Julius Caesar
till the Fourth of July
"Jack, says she, I'VE are sorry TO disturb
you, but won't you see me home p
eyes said I, II WILL afHf,
[ did do it, and had another smack at the
gate, too.
After that, We took a turtle-doving after each
other, and both of US sighed like barrel of new
cider when we were away from each other
The account then proceeds to tellhow in the
course of time the twain were made one, and
that's show he came to be married, inland
that's all.