The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1867-03-19
TWENTYuRST LECTURE.
MIR. cAUD1E HAS NOT ACTED "LIKE A HUSBAND"
AT THE wEDDING-DINNER.

AT THE DING-DINNER.
"Ah me It's no use Westinghouse at all:
but do wish that yesterday fourteen years
could come back again. Little did | think,
Mr.. Caudle, when you brought me home from
church, your lawful welded wiie-httle, l
say did think that should keep my we'd
ding dinner in the manner | have done to-day.
Fourteen years ago Yes, see you now in
your blue coat with bright buttons, and your
white watered. satin waistcoat, and moss rose
bud in your button-hole, which you said was
like me. What? You ueuer talked such non
sense? Hal Mr.. Caudle, you don't know what
you talked that day--but do Yes; and you
then sat at the table as if your face, as may
say, was buttered with happiness, and
What2 No. Mr.. Caudle don't say that /
have not wiped the butter of-not |. II you,
above all men, are not happy, you ought to
be, gracious knows
''Yes, l ,rW talk of fourteen years ago.
Ha you sat beside me then, and picked out
all sorts OF nice things for me. You'd have
given me pearls and diamonds to eat if could
have swallowed 'em. Yes, ! say, you sat
beside me- and-What do you talk about?
lou couLdnt SIT beside me to-day? That's
nothing at all to do with it. But it's 80 like
you. | can't speak but you fly off to some
thing else. Ha and when the health of the
young couple was drunk, what a speech you
made then 1t was delicious How you made
everybody cry, as if their hearts were breaking;
and recolect il as if it were yesterday, how
the tears ran down dear fathers nose, and
how dear mother nearly went into a fit Dear
souls! They little thought with all your fine
talk, how you'd use mel HoW hare yOu used
me? Mr.. Caudle, how can you ask that
question? It's well for you can't see you
blush. Hon. have you used mel
"Well, that the same tongue could make a
speech like that, and then talk as it did
to-day Hoor did you talk? Why, shamefully
What did you say about your welded happi-
ness? Why. nothing. What did you say
about your wife? Worse than nothing Just
as if she were a bargain you were sorry for,
but were obliged to make the best of. What
do you say? And bats the best? If you say
that again, Caudle, I'll rise from my bed.
You didn't sag It? What, then, did you say?
Something very like it, l know. Yes, pretty
speech of thanks for husband! And every
body could see that you didn't care a pin for
me; and that's why you had 'em here; that's
why you invited 'em, to insult me to their
faces What? / made yoU invite 'em2 o
Caudle, what an aggravating man you are!
IL suppose yOu'll say next made you invite
Miss Prettyman Oh, yes don't tell me her
brother brought her without your knowing it.
What Didn't / hear him sag so OF course |
did; but do you suppose Pm quite fool
Do you think don't know that that was all
settled between you And she must be a
nice person to come unasked to a womans
house But | know why she came. She
came to look about her. What do mean
Oh, the meanings plain enough. She came to
see how She should like the rooms-how she
should like my seat at the fireplace; how she
and if it isn't enough to break mothers
heart to be treated so how she should like
my dear children.
''Now, it's no use your bouncing about at
but of course that's it; l can't mention Miss
Prettyman but you fling about as if you were
in a fit. OF course that shows there's some
thing in it. Otherwise why should you dis
turb yourself? Do you think didn't see her
looking at the ciphers on the spoons as if she
already saw mine scratched out and hers
there? No, l shan't drive you mad, Mr..
Caudle; and if | do it's your own fault. No
other man would treat the wife of his bosom
in--What do you say? You might as ooeH hare
married hedgehog? Well, now it's come to
something But it's always the case When
ever you've seen that Miss Prettyman, Pm
sure to be abused. hedgehog A pretty
thing t0l q woman to be called by her hus-
| and Now you don't think Ill lie quietly in
bed, and be called hedgehOg-do you, Mr..
Cauale?
"W2ll only Lle Miss Prettyman had a
gool dinner, that's all. / had none! You
know had none-h,w was | to get any
L
care .CT = the ner1y-thOught. and that, of
course, went to Miss Prettyman. Oh, saw
you l9ngh when you put it on her plate And
you don't suppose, after such an insult as
that, I'd taste another thing upon the table
No, lshOuld hope | have more spirit than
that. Yes; and you took wine with her
four times What do you say? Only tlcice?
Oh, you were so lost-fascinated, Mr. Caudle:
yes, tascinated-.,Aa you didn't know what
you did. Howevrr, | do think while Pm
alike might be treated with respect at my
own table. | say, while Pm alive; for know
l sha'n't last long, and then Miss Prettyman
may come and take it all. Pm wasting daily,
and no wonder. never say anything about
1t, but every week my gowns are taken in.
| i've lived to learn something, to be sure!
| Miss Prettyman turned up her nose at my
custards 1t isn't sufficient that you're
| always finding fault yourself, but you must
bring women home to sneer at me at my own
| table. What do you say She didn't turn up
her nose know she did, not but that it's
needless-Providence has turned it up quite
! enough for her already. And she must give
herself airs over my custards Oh, | saw her
mincing with the spoon as if she was chewing
sand What do you say! She praised ma
| ptum-puddng! Who asked her to praise it
| Like her impudence, | think
| Yes, pretty day I've passed. | shall not
forget this wedding-day, | think And as
| say, pretty speech you made in the way of
thanks No, Caudle, if was to live a hundred
! years-you needn't groan, Mr.. Caudle. | shall
not trouble you half that time-if was to live
hundred years, / should never forget il.
| Never You didn't even so much as BRING
one Of your children into your speech. And
dear creatures what have then done TO offend
you y No; shall not drive you mad. It's Won,
Mr.. Caudle, who'll drive me mad. Everybody