Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-04-16
PEOaC Points.

Money brings friends; want Of it-trenzy
The first bow mentioned in the bible is chap l.
A shade tree is like BORE inasmuch as we
like it best when it leaves
Whv is an offer to pay debt like young
girl? Because it is tender made.
Barnum has museum in New ork-but he
has no show at all In Connecticut.
What shall it profit man if he publisheth
paper whole year and loseth his subscription
Punch humaney hopes it will not be neces-
sary to suspend the corpus as well as the haDeas
in Ireland.
There is many slip between the cup and the
lip, but more slips after the cup has been emp
tied by the lips.
Some women paint their faces, and then weep
because it doesn't make them beautiful. They
raise hue-and cry.
By examining the tongue Of the patient,
physicians find out the diseases OF the body,
and philosophers the diseases Of the mind.
II hate to hear people talking behind ones
back as the robber said, when the constable
was chasing him, and crying, Stop theft
We think this extract from Medical adver-
tisement is entirely correct: "Consumptlyes,
cough while you can for after you have taken
one bottle Of my mixture you can't.
An old Bachelor would like to know wheth-
er it was broom from the Churchvllle Factory
the young lady used when she swept back the
raven ringlets from her classic brow.
An exchange says: General Butler, in at
tempting to sneeze the other day, fetched UP
set Of tea spoons. It is uncertain whether he
he took them in his snuff or drank them in his
whisky.
A clergyman was one day talking with his
landlord, Universalist, on the personality of
the Devil. A little increduous, the gentleman
remarked, Il should like to see the Devil. y
Cant you wait 2 was the quiet reply.
Some wags took drunken fellow, placed him
in graveyard, and waited to see the effect
After a short time the fumes of the liquor left
him. and his position being rather confined, he
sat upright and after looking around exclaimed,
well, IL the first that riz, or else I'm con-
foundedly belated"
An old lady, being asked to subscribe to
newspaper, declined On the ground that when
she wanted news she manufactured it. A par
aeraph OF her own manufacture is this.
Mrs. .Jaspar told me that she heard Great
Wood wife say that John Hardstone's aunt
mentioned to her that Mrs. Trusty was present
when the widow Barman said that Captain ia
cob Hertell's cousin thought Hez Doolittles
that Sam Trife's better half had told Mrs
Spaulding that she heard John Rhein woman
say that her mother told her that Mrs. Baga-
telle had two husbands"
"Too Much Ditto"
In small village in New England lived an
old chap, who though very wealthy, did not
possess a good education, as also did not his
wife. He purchased much Of his household
goods at dry-goods and grocery store in the
village, and at the end Of the year the bill was
presented for payment. On one occasion in
looking it over, he observed that the word dit
to- occurred frequently. On reaching home, he
said said to his wife
wv hat have you been doing with so much
ditto this year?'' showing her how it stood on
the bill. Il haven't bought any, and what
have you been doing with SO much p
II haven't had a bit she replied
You must have had it, he returned; for
X. always deals honestly by me, and here it is
on the bill. You can see it for yourself"
L don't care if it is; [ haven't had any, and
X. has cheated you; always said he would"
We'll, then, l must see about it, he re-
piled.
So he trudged back to the store
Look here, y, what do you mean charging
me with SO much ditto? haven had any, and
my wife says she hasn't"
X. bit his lip and politely explained
When the old gentleman returned home, his
wife inquired if he had found out about that
'tditto'
YES" he replied II have found out that
was great fool, and you were ''dittol"
A Bad Speculation.
A young medical student from Michigan, who
has been attending lectures in New York for
some time, and who considered himself exceed
ingly good-looking and fascinating, made ire
mendous onslaught On the heart and fortune of
a blooming young lady in the same family with
him. After prolonged siege the lady surren-
dered. They were married on Wednesday, in
the morning. The same afternoon the young
wife sent for and exhibited to the astonished
student beautiful little daughter aged three
years and a half
Good heavens! then you were a widow ?'
exclaimed the student
I