Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1867-07-11

a little nonsense now and then,
L. rclishod by The best Of men."
Man is a mister, and woman a mys-

u deer MIS- many nOlllc, ana bht
bottle many a bier.
Live within your means, if you
would have means within which tolive.
Wait for others TO advance your in
terests, and you will wait until they
arc not worth advancing
Red noses arc lighthouses to warn
voyagers on the sea Of lifo off the coast
OF Malaga, jamaica, Santa Cruz, and
Holland.
A oonscript, being told that it was
sweet TO die for bis country, excused
himself on the ground that he never
did like sweet things.
"Son," said a careful Quaker to a
spendthrift son, "thou art sad rake"
"Nay, father" replied the promising
youth, "thou art the rake, and am
the spreader"
"a Distressed Mother" writes to the
] Allentown Democrat for advice, which
she gets-thusly: "The only way to
cure your son Of staying out late O.
nights is to break his legs, or else get
the calico he runs with to do your
house-work"
! A Scotchman went TO a lawyer once
for advice, and detailed the circum-
stances Of the case. "Have you told
me the facts precisely as they occur
red p said the lawyer ooh, ay, sir"
reioined he, II thoct it best to tell We
plain truth ye can put the lies in
yourself"
A wee bit of boy having been
slightly chastised by his mother, sat
very quietly in bis chair for some min
utes afterward, no doubt thinking
very profoundly. At last he spoke
out thus: "Muzzer, | wish dad would
get anuzzer housekceper-Ive got
tired O scoin you round"
A clerk in Iowa City says "A veg
pretty and nobby young lady called
in the store the other day andrequest-
ed to see our lavender kid gloves,
whereupon she was shown several diff
ferent shades of that color Being a
little overcome with so great a varie-
ty, she asked: (Which Of these pairs
are tho lavondvrvst 20
A gentleman once asked a little girl,
an only child, how many sisters she
had, and was told "three or four.
Her mother asked Mary, when they
were alone, what had induced her to
tell such an untruth. "Why, mamma
cried Mary, 81 didn't want him TO
think you were so poor that you had
but one. Wouldn't he thought we
were drefful poorY"
Tho young lady who left tho table
because the salad was not dressed en-.
! tered into copartnershipa amonth
ago, and all went smoothly as a mar
riage bell, until Tuesday night last.
when a quarrel disturbed the seven
tenor of their way" in reference TO
pair Of slippers, she declined to sleep
in the same room with them, as they
were fellows.
Maine sends a man TO Congress
who has the brass TO call Ben. Wade
who in a printed pamphlet, accused
Lincoln Of being usurper-a scala
wag. Sherman calls the Massachu-
setts hero and champion of miscege-
nation, Sumner, a liar. Butler-whom
all human beings loathc, and TO whom
all infamy attaches-calls Bingham q
murderer These parties know each
other, and we believe tell the truth
about each other.
AN HONEST ANswER.-Reoently a
clergyman was preaching in Belfast
when young man in the c0ngrega-
ton, getting weary OF the sermon,
looked at his watch. Just as he was
in the act OF examining his timo-piece
for the fourth or fifth time, the pas
tor with great earnostness, was urg-
ing tho truth upon the conciencos of
his hearers. "Young man. said he,
chow is it with youT Whcreupon
the young man with tho gold repeat
er bawled out, in hearing Of nearly
the whole congregation, "a quarter
past eight" As may be supposed, the
gravity of the assembly was much dis
turbod for time.
In this wide-awako age nearly all
tho prominent rocks, board fences,
and other available places in proSilni-
ty 10, and on the throughfarc leading
TO the principal marts OF the country
arc filled with advertisements Of Quacll
medicines, gift enterprises, and gene
, raj notices, call and singular" Bati-
more is a focus for a full share OF
these inscriptions, and among them
on the turnpike from the city to the
county seat Of Towsontown, may be
seen on board fence, well adapted
J to the purpose, the imperative com
mand, "T'ake ayers Pills :" Some
zoalour colporteur had appropriated
a rail Immediately underneath for the
admontion, "Prcpare TO meet yoW5
Godw A wag, taking advantage OF
tho "situation,' connected the two in.
scriptions with a conspicuous "Aad,'
Z and thus left il. Whether DR. Ayers
has sold more pills in consequence oi
that advertisement, the writer know
eth not
It is said that Horace Greeley hai
written a letter to John c. Breckin.
ridge, requesting him to return hom'
aud aid in demonstrating" the coun
try, regardless of what may be saiI
about him by "narrow-minded block
heads"
Charles Woodman, the sexton o
the Rev. DR. Garretts church, in Bos
5 on, was arrested on the 2lst ult.
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