The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1867-11-02
Bunget of Fun.

Miss Tucker says it is with bachelors as
with old wood; it is hard to get them started,
but when they do take flame they burn prodi-
giously.
One thousand girls with blue eyes, coral
lips and golden hair, are gathering hops in
Bethel, Maine. wish were a hop!
Friendship with all, ensangling alliances
with none" is as good motto for women as
for nations.
An aborigin objects to marrying Miss Tail.
the daughter of Spotted T., for fear he might
get Caudal lectures.
What is the best way to curb wild young
man? To bridal him.
Philosophers say that shutting the eyes makes
the sense OF hearing more acute. A way sug-
gests that this accounts for the many closed ewes
that are seen at church every Sunday.
One of the broadcast hints to pop the question
which u Is possible for young lady to give .
young gentleman, is to declare to him her inten.
ton of never marrying.
Every living member of the old wing State
Committee IN Connecticut is now in the ranks Of
the Democratic party, unfolding the ''Constitu.
ton and the Union"
a radical editor in Jackson county, Indiana,
was bit by polecat the other day. The edi.
tor recovered, but the cat died
The respectable old lady who raised the
rising hope" has gone III search of the black.
smith who "riveted the chain of friendship"
A Methodist brother recently had occasion
to preach discourse against the doctrine of
immersion, but couldn't find the text until.
with great shrewdness and good sense, he hit
upon this: Beware of divers and strange
doctrines"
During the Rack Hawk war one Maj P,
feeling not exactly posted respecting the enemy,
sought information of one of his brother officers
in this wise "Capen, which of the linens are
The most savage, the hostile ones or theaI that 20
on footl"
To CURE FEIoN-As soon as the parts be-
gin to swell, wrap the part affected with cloth
thoroughly saturated with the tincture Of lobe
liza, and the ielon is dead. An old physician says
he has known it to cure II scores of cases and
it never fails, if applied in season.
The strawberry il one ov naturs sweet pets.
She makes them worth fifty cents the fust she
makes, and never makes them to be sold at q
mean price.-Bilhngs.
One of the saloons in Nashville, Tenn, EN-.
pioys hack TO carry of its customers as fast az
they become intoxicated No fare is required,
aud the happy beings are insured againse the po.
lice aad the workhouse.
"Young ladies are like an arrow they cant
be got off without beau" Another reason
why they are like an arrow: When they get
into your heart they can't be got out It'll
death"
Wsmsn 10 formed Of brittle ware,
Then, wherefore r.shly seek t. know
v hat furce. nnbroken, shs will bear
And strike. perhaps, sNAr fatal blow'
Somebody says that young lady should al.
ways ask four questions before accepting the
hand OF any young man, ~ follows: Is he hon
ocableY Ia he kind OF heart? Can he support
me comfortably IL he paying subscriber for
hin county psperS eaesaarE
A noted politician was recently caught by
friend in the act Of perusng the Scriptures
Upon asking him what particular part of the
good book he had selected for examination, be
replied: II am reading the story about the
loaves and fishes" So
A novel mode OF operating" in -four has been
discovered in Lawrence, Mass Children are cent
round the streets begging little -four, and ~
coon as they have obtained bagful carry it to
headquarters where it is packed into barrels and
cold The business was managed by Italians.
1t is a singular fact that ladies who know
how to preserve anything else, can't preserve
their tempers. Yet it may easily be done on
the selfsealing principle 1t is only to keep
the mouth Of the vessel tightly closed.
A thoroughly loyal gentleman at the South
recently had new csrriaxe. the lining Of which
Was gray. He made Gull on sccesh relative.
The lady went to the door to look ut the vehicle,
and noticing the lining, said: II like that color"
YES" quietly remarked her kinsman, the ovn.
q, "it's ubd3ed color" " ,EATIGkJ
A DOMINION humor,st gets on the following:
"The man who left his name ~ NcGsorgehan
VFlaherty. from the Western Division, who is
sbout seven feet in length, and drunk according.
~, and who called ut our Office on Monday, &C.
Oompanied by IN ax.handle, TO ask if the editor
was in is respectfully, informed that the editor
is not in the city. and is not expected to return
within the memory OF the oldest inhsbitant"
A new style of hoop skirt is shortly to be
introduced which will enable ladies and gen.
tlemen to get into company; and in fact walk
together, should it become necessary or agree
able. A secret spring, operated quietly by
the wearer, opens section of the hoops, and
the gentleman can approach the lady. Inven.
tive age!
Mrs. Darlington. reading an account Of q rail.
road accident, WAS much surprised to learn that
the engine had been driven off the track BY one
Of the switches. II should not thought" she
said, that the great iron engine would mind
such little thing ~ a switch" Eyes, but YOU
must remember, mamma" said Ike, gravely, 1.-THE
locomotive has y tender behind"
WRntSv my ,1ear - so;1 n. c..ll