The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1867-02-22
A Little Nonsense. .

The Teetotsler's Paradise-The Tenn
perate Zone. ..-...-...., .......-...
An eloquent speaker is like river
greatest at the mouth. ra
/, When is a tired man like a theft
When he needs arrestiRg.
Why are seeds and gate-posts put in,
the ground To prop-a7gute. .I
Motto for Smoking Philosopher
A short pipe and a merry one.
Why is caterpillar ike hot biscuit
Because it makes the butterfly.
Why is lead-pencil like poor human
naturel Because it never does right of
ITSELF
Why is kiss ike some sermons =
Because it has two heads and an .oppli-
cation.
In what circumstances is a woman
that wears stays Straitened cifcum-
stances. sriiegrae
Why is a cat going up three flights
of stairs like big hill Because she is
nsountin'. q. s-iT- fa's'i q
6 Why are two lovers like company of
fishermen' Because they frequently go
of IN smacks. e
Some wives are so jealous that they
don't like their spouses to embrace a
fair opportunity.
1t is funny to see young lady with
both hands in soft dough and mos
quito on the end of her nose
Why are authors of works on Physi-
ognomy like an army of soldiers. Be-
cause they 'right about face"
Why are pen-makers like inciters to
evil doingl Because they make people
steel pens and say they do Vrite.
Artemus Ward says, brigham Young
has 200 wives" he loves not wisely
but two hundred well" The pretty girls
in Utah mostly marry Young, .s5
FIowery. "What flower of beaut-
shall l marryl" asked spendthrift of
his misery go, ernor. To which the
governor replied, with a CRIME smile,
"Marigold." ~
The Illinois fat girl, weighing six
hundred pounds, has been bound over
for stealing small sum of money. The
amount of cord required to bind her
over with is not stated.
Paddy's description of fiddle cannot
be beat: at was the shape of turkey
and the size of goose; he turned it
over on its belly and rubbed its back
bone with stick, and och by St. Pat
rick, how it did squale~
Why is a horse like the letter o.
Because g makes it 90. And what is
the difference between this conundrum
and my aunt who squintsi One is a
query with an answer; the other is an
aunt, SIR, with queer eye.
That was not bad reply of the Eng
tlish painter of 'The Israelites in Egypt" !"
who, on Pharaoh and his host being in
quired for by his impatient patron,
pointed to an expsnse of water-"The
Red Sea, my lord; they are all there" !"
By queer mistake a package was
lately received at the Quarter-master's
store, at Salt Lake, which was intended
for another destination. On being OPEN
ed, it was found to contain pair Of Ia
dy's CATERS, addressed 10 "Mrs. Brigham
Young the twentieth"
Cincinnati viii be Cincinnati. Anex
change says that some admirers of
Ristori in that city recently got so frantic
in their appreciation of her fine acting,
that they presented her with six large
hogs as an evidence of their affection
and regard. So say; the Philadelphia
Ledger.
How to get up a quarrel with a wife.
Wait until she is at her toilet prepare
| tory to going out. She win be sure to
ask you if her bonnet is straight. Re
mark that the lives of nine-tenths of the
women are passed in thinking whether
their bonnets are straight, and wind up
with the remark that you never knew
but one who had common sense about
her. Wife will ask you who that was
You, with sigh, reply, "Ah! never
mind" Wife will ask you why you did
not marry her. You say, abstractedly,
"Ah! why, indeedG" The climax is
reached by this time, and regular row
is sure to follow.