The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1867-04-20
BUDGET oFFuN,

Prentice says that Mrs JEFF 'Davis shared her
husbands confinement at Fort Monroe, and has
since been confined outside of it, f-
The number of papers now published, recalls
to mind the old anecdote in regard to Franklin's
mother-in-law, VINO objected TO her daughters
marrying printer because there were two news
papers in the country, and she could not see how
Benjamin could make living!
A short time since surgeon was called as
witness for the purpose of proving damage upon
an action of assault He deposed that he had
bed the plaintiff, and being asked if bleeding
had been necessary, c;ndidly answered: eve
always find it necessary to do something when
sent for
There is an old story that Jew, while iniulg-
ing in morsel of forbidden food was oyertaken
by terrific thunder storm, and that as the
thunderroared and lightning flashed around him,
he exclaimed: "Plcsh my SOUL vot pother
about aileetle pit of porkr' @~fhu
The Memphis appeal is an immense paper, and
Albert Pike is the editor. He writes editorials
three columns long, and continues them from
week to week. A Confederate soldier says they
are harder to swallow than ancient army biscuit
after long march, more heavy than shell from
a ffteen-inch Columbian, and more deadly in
their effect than quarter-master whisky.
A piquant correspondence has just passed be-
tween two clergymen in city where considerable
religious awakening has taken place. In sub
stance the correspondence ran ~ follows:
Baptist to Methodist C2ergynsan.-De Brother:
/ shall baptize some converts tomorrow, If any
of your converts prefer to be baptized in our mode,
l shall be happy to baptize them as candidates
for your church.
MetlDdist TO Baptist Cleryyman.-Dear Brother
Yours received. prefer to wash my own sheep.
A mother trying to get her little daughter Of
three years to sleep one night, said to her:
"Anna, why don't you try too go to sleep!"
Il am trying" she replied
'But you haven't shut your eyes"
"Well, can't help it, 'um's come unbutton.
cdr
A good story is told of q hard-shell Baptist
missionary in Medina, who became mixed mp in
land speculation. On entering his pulpit recently
he announced to his congregation, at the open.
ing of diving service, that the text would be
found in st. Psul's epistle 10 the Minnesotians,
section 4, range west.
Never profess much, for if you get it right, no
one will remember it /; and il you are wrong, nc
one win forget it.
When have married people passed through the
alphabet Of love3 When they reach the babe.
Give strict attention to your own affairs, and
consider your wife one of them.
"False indeed thou art to me, fair maiden" Al
the dog said when he inserted his teeth into q
pair of saw dust calves.
Why is the present Congress called the RumI
Congress- Because it is the last of the Repub
lican party.
An Iowa editor refused to speak to the toas
''Woman." on the round that woman was abb
TO speak for herself and any one who undertook
to do it for her would get into trouble.
The following was found posted on the wall o
country post Office "lost, red kat. He had
spot on Of his behind leggs. He was She kat
will give three shillins to everibodd to bring
him HON"
A gentleman in Indiana advertises for wifi
'.who wears her own hair herown teeth. her OWL
cheeks, her own "buzzum," and her own calves
without having went and gone and paid fo
them"
A Prussian Mayor, when required to draw
list Of all the men in his village who had attanet
the age Of twenty-five. replied there was only on
man exactly twenty-five, and that all the other
we're either older or younger.
81 wish you would pay little attention Il
what l am saying, sir" roared an irate lawyer Il
an exasperated witness. well am paying Al
little as l can" was the calm reply.
Orrnrt rrn