Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-11-19
commandments.

The bootmaker 8 last-all tor the best.
Ground Tumbling. An embankment falling
in.
The man who would try to stab ghost would
stick at nothing.
When was Noah in America? When he was
on the Ark and saw.
A rainy day is damp" but when young
lady refuses you it's 'damper
Why is smile invariably behind the time !?
Because it is little laughter, little after)
A late traveller says it is so cold in the north
ern part of Greenland, that it freezes the hre
out.
What is the difference between man of his
word and topper? One fulfls and the other
fills full.
Necessity is the mother of invention" but
it has never been accurately ascertained who is
the father
What is the difference between truth and
eggs? Truth crushed to earth will rise again
eggs won't.
The greatest piece of absurdity we have heard
of for sometime is that of the artist who tried
to tickle his palate
Is it hospitable when you ask stout friend
to come and see you, to tell him that you will
give him spare bed?
A dismal man says that, if the rebels do not
actually capture the Chinese capital, they are
at least going to peek In.
Dickens in speaking of friend, says he was
SO long in the legs that he looked like the after
noon shadow of somebody else.
Mrs. Darlington says there must be some sort
of kin between poets and pullets, for they are
both always chanting for their lays.
What is the difference between storekeeper
who advances his prices and Chinaman? One
raises his price and the other praises his rice.
A COW in Cincinnati, in a mistake the other
day, took feed of pine saw-dust instead of bran.
In the evening she gave turpentine instead of
milk
In order to keep up with the progress of the
age, Time has abandoned the scythe and hour
glass and purchased moving machine and a
watch.
Isn't it very affecting to behold at wedding
a sorrow stricken air of parent as he gives the
bride away, when you know that for the last
ten years he has been trying to get her off his
hands
do you chew tobacco?" asked lady of a
young man In street car by whose side she
am, was the reply, but can get you a chaw
if you like
A black servant being examined in the Cate
chlsm by the minister of the Parish, was asked,
What are you made of?'' Cato answered ''of
mud Massa." On being told he should say of
dust, he replied, mo, massa, it no do-no stick
togedder."
The following notice is posted in two places
Nov, Hnr Il IT, Al.
| Sudge Lyman of Lawful age did hear Martin
Wilcox tell his Boys to Stone my Rooster off
his grounds, they Stoned the Noble Bird like
Stephen of Old Times, Even uLto Death and
lies In my Compost Heap, Somebody must pay
the damage.
Some editor says that the destiny of the world
often hangs on the smallest trifes. A little
milf between Charles Bonaparte and his love,
Lettla, might have broken off a marriage which
gave birth to Napoleon and the battle of Wa
terloo.
To which cotemporary adds:
Yes, that is a fact. Suppose little milf
had taken place between Adam and Eve!
Two Irishmen were going to fire off cannon
just for fun ; but being of a rather economical
turn OF mind, they did not wish to lose the ball.
So one of them took an iron kettle in his hands
to catch it in and stationing himself in front
VI VIC iOduou pIcCt He oAClalueu To the OCnoI
who stood behind it, holding lighted torch,
'Touch it off aisy, Tommy" That's all.
A band of Indians made sudden attack on
detachment of our soldiers in the mountains
The soldiers had mountain howitzer mounted
on mule Not having time to take it off and
get it in position, they backed up the mule and
let drive at the Indians The load was so heavy
that mule and all went tumbling down the hill
toward the savages, who, not understanding
that kind of warfare, fed like deer. After
ward one of them was captured, and when
asked why they ran so, replied: me big In
jun, not afraid of big guns or little guns, but
when pale face load up and fire whole jackass
at Iniun, me don't know what to do