The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1867-07-08


witch Is in the Stalt Nv Aassaehooestts,l
June =, ls5T-
hev alIuz he'd an incorrect idea Nv
Boston spozsd Boston TO be strate-i
laced, moral 10 a degree not to be under
stood BY a Dimocrat, and Puritanicle-
per cent nv men in whom His Eggsien-
cy aud kin take delite ez Their Is in any
city in the country, ez the following IN
cidents, witch came under my notice.
Will shcw;
Eve wuz going through Franklin
street a man stepped III 70 the CaiEiHSe
rather hesitatinly-
''Mr. President sed he.
"weIi," sed His Eggslency, turnin
The ste nv the nose nv the Step
Father nv his Country reasnured hlul.
I'Mr. President, wood 700 ike some
Pu aiPnnchI Certainly. But havn't 700
suthin stronger TO lay the foundation
with ?" -
nv brandy from his right hind pocket
and the great man took an observashen
NV the sky thro the bottom Nv Il, wien
lastid a mint. l never agin viii doubt
that the material to make Dimocrtsy
Nv exists in country wher they come
at VOC with punch, and bev brandy bot
ties in their coat pockets.
old gentleman, who sot two hours in a
chair waitiu to present Us with his
finally histed il at US. The fact that
there wus nCte in II askin for po-|
sishen for the genrous giver, don't de-
tract anything from the valyoo NV the
gin. When we got TO the END NV our
trip Their wuZ dTay load Nv bokays in
our carriage, and in all but three NV EN-
wuz tied up Recommendation for the
2iyers for places. It's better to hev sich
missiyes enveloped in roses, though the
most thoFns we git amt got roses rounu
'em.
number nv babies wehed to kiss. The
mothers pressed TO our carriage steps 10
present their Offsprings. MisIaBin me
FOR the President, kisst half Nv 'eu.
The rapcherus exPreshun on the up
turned faces nv the anxshus moihers
affected the President to teers, shown,
ez it did, the confidence reposed in him.
whist! Teddy !" sed one NV em,
"and how'd yer mug up fer the man TO
kiss who doesn't kiss the dirlhy ma
gursl"
"Musha, Phelim, be still. The Prisi-
dent, bless his sowl, won't bite vel"
LIND me yer apurp, Peggy, TO wipe
Terry's face wild. The President mustn't
kiss the darlin. faint every President
would 90 the loike."
And the President kissed, and kiss
ed till our lips Wuz sore.
Sich is postshun!
That mite 1 received Il letter fro IN
Deekin,Pogram in witch he desired me 10
ascertain whether or no Their wuz emmy
bottom to the Northern Dimocrisy.
Capt. McPelter sed the Northern Di-
mocrisy wuz strong enuh TO carry US
nv Kentucky throo, while Pollock, the
Illinoyer, swors the Northern Dimocri-
sy he'd a considerable more to do to
carry themselves than they he'd bin
able to accomplish for some time-that
in pullin match corpse wuz'nt NV
much akkount ef it wuz big one.
With this letter in my hand L fell
asleep, and while asleep dreemed.
AIethAwt / wuZ in Moo Orleans at a
gathrin NV the Faithful, who wuz
called together for the purpose of con-
sidrin wat to do. Sum few-Long
street, Gov. Brown, and JEFF. Thomp-
son-Huz in favor NV submission, and
he'd got the majority ov the Southern
people to agree with 'em that that there
was no yoose Nv further Resistance, and
they wuZ jist about to SO declare, when
Vailandigham, Ben. Wood, Toucey,
Morrissey, Voorhees,, and a score or
two more nv that kind, rushed in and
begged NV 'em to hold Out. "Why
SUBMIT" sed YRllandigham, "We'lI
sustain 700. The Northern Dimocrisy
is a giant witch kin yet perfect you.
He's in his prime and strong enuH yit
to carry 700 throo twice the troubles
witch threatens 700. Depend onto us
well carry yoo."
Aud the Southerners whopped over
| to their side and yelled tiercely, mo
submission !" and immejitly the entire
biIin NV 'em startid North with these
men to ascertain the strength and car
| ryin capacity NV the Northern Dimoc-
| risy. Methawt the party Travelled and
travelled, until finally they come to a
vast plain in kentucky, onto WITCH wuz
| extendid PROSTATE the form NV a Giant.
1t wuz II Giant immense in statoo, but
emHciated to the last degree. His limb
he'd bin strong, his teeth. terrible, and
his trunk massive, but it wuz plain to
see that he wuz pegged out aud look
at its face showed why 1t wuz SO. Dis
! slpation he'd redoost him to helplessuis.
/ His face wnz bloatid and bloc, his eyes
wuz sot and CHASTITY, his chest wuz hol-
Ter and sunken, his legs like pipe stems,
and ulcers, boils, sores, broOses and
contooshens kiVered him from he'd TO
foot, and he drawed his breath with a
effort.
He lay groanin and a groanin.
Randall wuz tenderly feedin him out
Nv a huge bottle labeled Appoint
ments," which appeared to give 1t tenn
porary strength, but the effect Nv that
wuz lost, by President Johnson's dosin
him with an offensive smeIlin mixture
| labelled POLICY" every swaller nv
witch wood throw him einto u spasm.
Gov. English was rubin one arm with
liniment Randall gave him, and he
succeeded in gittin mp little circula-
tion in II.
Nwat is this 7n askt the southerners.
"Northern Dimociisyi" sed English,
rubbin away vigorously.
els this the Giant which is to carry
usf" said the Southern gentlemen,
| viewin the disgustin objick doubtIulIy,
| "CertaInIyl" said Johnson Nov
can't you git up?" said he, TO the pros.
trate bein, given 1t very large swalIer
out NV his bottle. The giant made an
effort, but Topped down again like a
dish rag.
"GentIemen ~ sed vallaudighan,
tive shell hev to call upon 700 TO assist
in settin him onto his feet, and then
way afore."
Accordingly, the Southerners gather
ed around him to lin him up. His
arms, notist, wuz marked respectively
Connecticut and Delaware, and his legs
Maryland and Kentucky, and in them
Their wuz strength, for ez soon ezsthe in
nOcent Sontherners got near enuff he
wrapped them limbs around 'em, and
/ sed- s'E
"LiftP'
ave can't, F." sed they.
"Yoo must" sed he. "I got into this
condishen fightin yoor battles and doin
yoor work. was strong and Vigorous
until l got 20 runnin after yoor harlots,
and for yoor sake wuz druv out OF
my native State into this accussid re-
gion. Yoo must carry me wat time 1
| hev yet TO live. Hist mel Hist mel
Those caught coodent get away and
| the others generously come to Their aid,
and malSin a terrible effort they raised
| the half dead bein onto their shoulders,