Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1867-06-18
ChignOns.

Claig2sOns.
Wanted-A nut cracker suitable for cracking
jokes. p as s-.a.
1t is exceedingly bad husbandry to harrow up
your wife's feelings.
The boy who undertook to ride horse-rad-
ish is now practising on saddle OF mutton.
A man recently died in London from the eff
feet of game of poker-his own wife held the
poker!
A boy in Montreal put two fre-crackers into
his nostrils and fired them to see the eject
He now knows he has no nose.
''Now, then, fust boy, in 'rithmetic, how
many white beans are there In ten black ones!
''Ten, sir, if you skin EN-, was the reply.
A Connecticut paper publishes marriages,
births and deaths under the head OF 'Confi-
dences, Adventures" and "Certainties.
A young lady who was recently caught smo-
king cigar, gave as her reason for the act
s'That it made it smell as though there was
man around
A country editor describing the bonnets now
in fashion says "They have a downward slant
that reminds one of a vicious cow with board
across her eyes. y 49, -.sa -s- t5e7.a =
The fellow who tried to get up concert with
the band of his hat, is the same genius, who
few weeks since played upon the affections OF
an uptown lady.
It takes three editors to start paper in New
Orleans-one to get killed in duel, one to die
with the yellow fever, and one to write an oblt-
uary of the defunct two.
A dancing master, on being cast away on
desert island lived six months without any 9th
er food than that which he derived from cut
ting pigeon WINGS and stewing Them
An inouisitive urchin at Pittsfeld, Mass,
while reciting a lesson the other day from the
sermon on the mount, broke out Mother did
Jesus Christ get two thousand dollars year
for preaching?' Hae..t s.frt- ~
ssThere' our Jeremiah, said Mr.. S., she
went off to get his living by his wits. - ''Well,
did he succeed?' inquired his friend. ''No, :"
said the old man tapping his forehead. The
failed for want OF capital.
The day is coming, says the London Star,
when throughout the whole country, women
shall be clothed with the elective franchise
Rather a thin costume! and hard on dry goods
dealers and hoop skirt manufacturers
The New York Herald is bowling for the
blood of Jeff Davis The bowling of a dog,
says Prentice, is said to be sign that somebody
will die, but we don't think that in this case 1t
will be JEFF. Perhaps it will be the dog.
A radical candidate in Georgia promises forty
acres of land to every negro who shall vote for
him. The devil once made equally brilliant
promises. but as in the Georgia case, the 'old
boy didn own foot OF land In the universe.
A wise man once said ''There are three
things which will surprise us when we get to
Heaven First, to find many there whom. we
did not expect. Second, not to find many whom
we did expect Third, the greatest wonder will
be to find ourselves there. +"
An old Irish officer, after battle, ordered
the dead and dying to be buried pe-melL. Be
ing told that some were alive and might yet be
saved ooh, bedad, )" said he. eff you were to
pay any attention to what theyssay. not one of
them would allow that he was dead"
A gentleman being asked by clergyman why
he did not attend the evening prayer meeting
said he could not leave the children. ''Wh hat,
have you no servants? ' Eyes he replied
1--WE have two servants who keep the house and
board US, but We are allowed few privileges"
An Indian passing up the streets of Natchez
few days since, was asked the relative position
of white man, Indian and mig. Giving usual
ugh ~ he said: Fore de war, fust cum white
man. den injin, den dog den niger; now cum
niger, den dog, den injin, and white man last.
There was a 'Topsy'' recently in the police
court in Detroit, in the shape Of colored girl
who was called to take the witness box a few
moments and after mounting the highest por-
ton of it that she could find, directed the court
to ''go ahead wild de sale supposing that she
was to be sold.
A young lady at a temperance meeting said
Brethren and sisters-Cider is a necessity to
me and [ must have it. IF it is decided that
we are not to drink cider, [ shall eat apples and
get some fine young man to squeeze me for |
tell you that [ can't live without that delight
full nectar. the Juice of the annie ~
Sally" said green youth, in venerable
white hat and gray pants, through which his
legs projected half foot, 'Sally, before we go
into this museum to see the happy family, |
want to ask you sumthin.' well, Ichabod,
is gwine to cost a hull quarter apiece, and |
can't afford to spend SO much for nothin =
Now, if you II say you'll heV me, darned eff [
don't pay the hull ont myself
The funny man on the New York Express
remorsely perpetrates the following on the ia
panese Jugglers:
When the curtain rises at the Academy the
first thing seen is a 'Jap-on-knees -
The way the Japanese knock their foreheads
on the floor, shows what brow beaten people
they are
Manadawgawa Hami kari Sadekitchi encour-
ages his little boy to ascend tall poles, because
he wishes to see his sonny climb once more.
The reason little All Right is SO much at
home, when he gets up to the top of the Acad-
envy, is because it has an aisy-attic air.
Spoakshave
Can the Native hue of resolution be imi-
tated with paint?
Would 'dorg' look well with a twice-told
tale?
When ''grim-visaged war smoothed his wrin