American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1867-09-14

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

afflicted with? With felons on their
hands.
What kind of ship has two mates
and no captain! A courtship.
Why is the inside of everything
anintelligible 2 Because we can't
make it out.
Why is Il beautiful lady's bonnet
like cupola? Because it covers the
belle.
Why are most pieces OF villainy
like a candleg Because they are
brought to light.
What is that which has feet and
nails, but no legs, feet or claws A
yard stick.
Who was the smallest man men.
toned in the Bible! Knee-high -miah,
(Nehemiah.)
What workman never turns to the
left The wheel wright.
Why are skates like an apple
Because they have oc( asioned the fall
of man.
What should a man do when his
" inter- boots Leak Take TO his
pumps, of course.
Why is a seamstress like pick
pocket? Because she cuts and then
runs.
Why is a tired man like an um-
brella! Because he is used up
Why is swearing like n ragged
coat2 Il is a bad habit.
When is blow from q lady vel
come? When she strikes you agree
ably.
What are you always tomorrow, |
that you can't be to-day? Older.
Why is French franc of no value
compared to an American dollar? 1t |
is worthless.
What is the difference between a
corn doctor and butcher? Onecuts
the c0rIs; and the other corns the |
cuts.
Why is n fathers nose like a we'll.
trained child Because it is always
under a parents eye.
Why is an old fo9y like gum
tree? He is ever green.
Why would a rich old lady who is
fond of home prove false to her poor
nepheWs! Because she is not ty.uant.
A Lynchburg paper reports the
matrimonial market very dull. Sweet
sixteens have been the most active,
going at "previous figures" but
there is no buoyaney in price or de-
mand. Misses of "age'' are weak.
with a poor demand; widows on the !
decline; unmarried aunts dull; cid
maids very fiat.
An old gentleman who was living
with his sixth wife, and who had al \
ways been noted for the ease with
which he maudSosz hts opv,oco, on
being asked to communicate his ]
secret, replied: Its the simplest
thing in the world. If you want to
use woman up, just let her hare her
oacn 1cay in ere1ything. There never
was woman who could survive that
long"
MATRIMONIAL MATTERS. = There
is little story told by a French jour.
nal about lady, or rather she is
made to tell it herself
when | was first married, / was
on my knees before my husband
from morning till night. 1t was a
perpetual alteration, an incessant de,
lirium, an inexpressible bliss I show
cred caresses upon him; | could have
eaten him
And now p asked a friend.
Il am sorry | didn't
A man met a big Indian on the
Plains few weeks ago. The gentle
savage had large bundle of scalps.
and the white man made bold to ask
him what he had been doing.
"Heugh," said the noble red man ''me
been skirmishing for waterfalls =
A poor IriShman, seeing q crowd
of people approaching, asked what
was the matter. a man is going
to be buried" go" he replied, "rll
stay to see that, for we carry them
to be buried in our country"
"These birds make a horrible din"
says Jack to Dick, as they approach
ed pigeon nest. They do" re-
piled Dick; " suppose we shoot them
and make dinner"
"There are ties which should never
be severed" as the ill-used wife said
when she found her brute of a hus-
band hanging in the hay-loft.
A friend says in aIlusion to the
practice of buying and selling wives
in Egypt, that though his wife didn't
cost him a cent, he was cheated in
the bargain.
"Pa, have dogs got wings'"
"NO, child, don't you know better
than that p
"Why, pa, this paper says a big .,
dog few at him and bit him. SO
dogs do have wings" 7
"Can't pass, marm," said a stern F
sentinel Of the Navy Yard to an off
GERS lady. B
"But, Sir, must pass: I'm Cap ?,