American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1867-11-20
UMBER 48
WITT AND wrgDoM

that plnos humanity to Heaven.
Prayer should be the key of the day.
and the lock of the night.
When you want friends is the time
to lind out if you have any.
In the child, says Jean Paul, bapni.
ness dances in the man, at most, it only
smiles ''.S'
An Irishman objected to paw the dog
tax on the ground that the dog was not
naturalized
The guilt of eulogizing or apolopis>
ing for wicked actions is second oply 10
that of committing them,
Nothing is more odious than the face
that smiles abroad but flashes fury amidst
the caresses Of tender wife and chill
drea.
Why is fir, like dipper attached
to hydrant2 Because everybody Is at
liberty to drink from it, but nobody de-
sires to take it away.
A knavish attorney asked a ysrv
worthy gentleman what was honesty p
" What is that to your meddls with
those things which concern you," was the
instant reply.
Tho most difficult operation in the
practice OF surgery is said to be "takine
the jaw out of woman" The fellow
that said that must be an old bachelor Of
the large blue sort.
Sam Slick tells us that if he were
asked what death he preferred, as being
most independent, he would answer ffeez.
ing, because he would then 20 off with
" stiff upper lip"
"A Brides Advertisement-A ladv
advertises for sale, in Southern paper.
one babboon, three tabby cats, and a
parrot" She states, that, being mar,
ried, she has no further use for them.
The useful encourages itself for the
multitude produce it, and no one can dis.
pense with it; the beautiful must be en-,
couraged, for few can set it forth, and
many need it.
How boldly do we Judge of what is
right and wrong in the conduct of others
How boldly do we censure and condemn
very often when we are doing them tho
bitterest Injustice.
"A preacher named Opie reproved
one of his elders for falling asleep dur
ing service, whereupon the latter retorted
that ho " couldn't help it, while under
the influence of 0pie ate.
"A person holding an argument with
grocer concerning matters Of trade, tbs
grocsr's wife bid him give over arguing,
for she was sure her husband could show
thousand reasons (raisins) to his one.
-An advsnturer, given to evil.speak>
ing and to dining out, was one day sian,
derlng an acquaintance, when a gent, :.
man present silenced him BY exclaimiug,
" You never open your mouth except at
the expense of your friends.
A gallant was lately sitting beside
his beloved, and being unable to think OF
anything to say, asked her why she was
like tailor. " L don't know" said she,
with pouting lip, unless it is because
I'm sitting beside a goose"
An alderman was heard the other
day getting off the following specimen Of
what may be called Corporation" logic:
" All human things are hollow; I'm q
human thing, therefore I'm hollow. 1t
is contemplate to be hollow, therefore
Iii stuff myself as full as I'm able"
-Grattiu being asked his opinion Of
the valor of certain captain, who from
excess of feeling put up with a severe
castigation, replied, that he thought it
odd, for to his knowledge the captain
had fought Who, who?" cried his
informant. Shy" said the witty bar.
rister.
"A young man walking along Fourth
Street, espied house shut up, with q
bill over the door, showing that the house
and shop were to be let He asked q
person at the next door, if the shop might
be let alone? eyes," replied the other,
" you may let Il alone, for any thing |
know"
The celebrated wits, Foote and Quin,
had quarrel, but were finally reconciled
by their friends, Footc, being still
little sore, said to Quin: Jenny. you
shouldn't have said that l always lie abed
while my only shirt is being washed."--
To which Quin replied: "Sammy, new.
er could have said that, for l never gave
you credit for having shirt at ALL"
"A very corpulent gentleman travel,
ing in Minnesota was walking backwards
and forwards in front of tavsrn, while
the horses were changing. One of the
gapers, an inhabitant Of the place, had 3
mind to be witty; viewing the gentle,
mans person, he accosted hiz with-"I
see, sir, you carry your rortmantsau be,
fore you" Certainly" said he, ~ al,
ways think it requisite to isvs it under
my eye, when passing through suspi>
cious-lookiug place." al. nj
Why spend ones life in fretting
over the inevitable? If man or wo~
man be plain, why not accept the fact,
and go their ways attending to the pleas
ures AMI business sf life just the same,
cultivating other means Of agreeaDlepess.
The pla'nest men and women have been
the best beloved and honorSd, while the
handsomest of both sexes havs heen
obliged to stand aside for them. Be-