davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16
NO. -.
"The School Master is In that Bed"

The following is one of the many incl
dents that befell boarding-round school
master:
had been teaching in Lewis county,
in the State of New York, and this term
was boarding round One evening after
school enc of my scholars stepped up to
me and said:
"Mr. Jones, father said you would
come home with me-"
every WE'LL" said I, and forthwith set
out for my patrons house, which was some
two miles distant. Now be it known that
James McHenry-for such was his name
had two daug ghters, the pride and en-
w of the whole community. / had heard
SO much about them that was anxious
to see them 1t seemed, however that
was to be disappointed.
When we arrived, I heard that the
girls had gone to party on the other
side of the creek SO [ went to bed exc
Grating the luck that deprived me of see-
ing them that night. The night had we'll
advanced when | heard one of the girls
come, and passing into an adjoining room,
warmed herself before some Goals which
were alive on the hearth. 1t seems that
the old gentleman and lady slept in the
same room, which | was not aware of then.
Having warmed herself, she turned to
leave the room, when the old man spoke
"Girl," said he, "the school-master is
in your bed"
"Very WE'LL" said Sarah, and passing
through the room [ slept in, went up
stairs.
An hour elapsed when 1 heard the 9TH
er come. She stood at the door long
time talking with her beau, then entered
softly.
Disrobing her feet, she entered the room
where l lay, in her stocking feet, care
fully undressing herself and coming to
the side of the bed preparing to get in.
[ lay in the middle, and turning back the
clothes, she gave me shake and said in
suppressed whisper:
''Lay over, Sarah"
rolled over, and whipped the corner
of the pillow into my mouth to keep from
laughing. In she bounced, but the bed
would squeak. The old man heard it and
called out:
Judy"
"Sir" was responded in faint voice
from the bed beside me.
''The school master is in that bed p'
With one loud yell, and 80 heavens"
she landed on the floor, and shot up starts.
She never heard the last of that, | can
tell you.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

A KEEN REToRT.-The postoffice in
our village was kept in the barroom of
the tavern-a great resort for loungers.--
An old chap, more remarkable for his
coarseness and infdelity than his good
manners, was sitting there one day with
a lot of boon companions, when the Meth
odist preacher, new conner in the vii
lage, entered and asked for his letters.
Old Swipes asked bluntly, Are you
the Methodist parson just come here to
preach?
:" 1 am" pleasantly replied the minis
ter.
WE'LL" said old Swipes, "will you tell
me how old the devil is? ?"
"Keep your own family record" quick
ly returned the preacher, and left the
room. amidst the roars of the company.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

WAY TO GET A SEAT-A few weeks
ago an old gentleman and his lady were
coming from Iowa City to Davenport,
when the cars were full. A young man
got up and gave the old lady a seat,
while his companion, another young gent,
remained steadfast, and let the old gen.
tleman stand This did not suit our old
friend, so he concluded to get seat some
way, and as quick as thought turned to
the young man sitting on the seat beside
his wife, and said: " Will you be so kind
as to watch that woman while l get seat
in the other car? She has fts" This
startled the young gent. He could not
bear the idea of taking care of fifty old
woman; so the old gentleman got seat,
and his wife was never known to take
fit afterwards.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

SAYINGS OF JOSH BILLINGs.-Early
impreshuns are the most lasting" The
fust kiss and the fust licking kun under
this he'd.
Reputasbun is good deal like bon
fre-you have to keep piling on the shaw
ings. If you don't the flames will soon
subdew.
was once asked if my fourfathers was
Englishmen. l told the illiterate cuss
who propagated the question that | didn't t
have but one father, and he was strickly
ov the Massachusetts perswashun.
Good wit is something like good luck
the more soon and unexpected is it, the
better.
They tell of feller in Injianna who
kant wear any stockings. His feet are
so big that he has to wear sock dollagers.
Them who make the most blow have
the least frangranse-it is jess SO with the
holler hauk
The best educashun a man receives in
this life he gifts just before he dies, and it
mostly consists in forgetting what he has
larnt before.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

A LESSON For DAD-An old gentle
man farmer, who had two or three very
pretty daughters, who was very anxious
OF his charge that he would not permit them
to keep the company of young men,
However, they adopted the following ex.
pedlent to enjoy the society of their low
ers. After the old man had retired to
rest, the girls would hang sheet out of
the window, which was quite a distance
from the ground, and the beau would
seize hold of it, and with the assistance
OF his lady-love who tugged Justify at the
end above, would thus gain entrauce.-
But it so happened that one evening the
girls hung out the sheet rather early
for the old gentleman by some i'll wind,
was blown around the corner, and spying
the bed covering, could not conjecture
the meaning OF its being there. He took
holdan endeayored to pull it down. The
girls, supposing it to be one of their
beaux, began to hoist, and did not dis
cover their mistake until the head of the
old man was level with the window-sil
when one of them exclaimed, 40 Lord,
it's dad y and letting go their hold, souse
came the old man on the hard stones and
ground below, dislocating one of his shoul-
ders, which convinced him that his eff
forts to make old maids of his daughters
was not matter so easily accom- plished,
and Withdrawing all opposition to their
keeping company, he was soon father
in law.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA, AUGUST Ie, 1866.

WHAT BECOMES OF THE PINS ?-This
question has often been asked, but we
have never yet met with satisfactory an
swer to it. Few persons are aware of
the enormous consumption of the useful
little instrument. The annual report of
the Secretary of the Treasury, ten years
ago, contained some interesting memoran-
da relative to manufactures, furnished by
Hon. Philip Allen, then Senator from
Rhode Island, in which, among other
things, he stated that the number of pins
made per annum in the United States was
two billions, six hundred and seven mil
lions, three hundred and sixty thousand.
Now the old question comes up for sou-
tion-what becomes the pins? The popu-
lation of the country was then twenty-six
millions. Does each individual-man,
woman and child-consume one hundred
pins year? for that would be the aver
age supply. But it is well known that it
is only one sex who use pins at all. Does
each example of the feminine gender con-
sumo two hundred pins year? From
babyhood to maturity, and from that to
the grave, the passion for pins it is ad-
mitted, is part of a woman's nature; but
we submit that this fact affords no salts
factory explanation of the disappearance
of twenty-six hundred and seven billions
of pins per annum. The question there
there remains-what does become of the
pins?
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

A BLESSED DAY.-W hat blessed day
is the Sabbath to man who necessarily
catches but brief glimpses of home dur
ing the toiling week, who is off in the
morning while little eyes are closed in
slumber, nor back at night till they are
again sealed with sleep. What would he
know of the very children for whom he
tolls were it not for the blessed breathing
respite of the Sabbath? What honest
working mans child will ever forget this
day, when clean and neat; it is his privi
lege to climb on fathers knee, and tell
him of all the news which goes to make
up his narrow little world. Narrow, -
did we say? We recall the word, for it
widens out into the boundless ocean of
eternity. Sabbath is for the working
mans children? So wod we have it-a
day hallowed by sweet, pure and home in
fuences! when the little band quite COM
plete, shall rest from labor, and love shall
write it down the blessed day of all the
seven.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

In the United States there are about
10000 common schools, which are sup
ported in part by the State Treasury, and
partly by school funds and school taxes
In England and Wales there are 56,042
public and private schools, attended by
2,144,3 ,37S scholars. In addition there are
1,545 evening schools, which provide for
39,7S3 children. The number of Sun
day-schools is 23,514, with 2,407, ,642
scholars. 1t is estimated that in England
there is scholar for every 8,36 persons /;
in Scotland about one seventh of the peo-
pie are at school; while in the United
States there is one scholar for every two
hundred persons receives instruction in
schools; so that while at nine o'clock on
every Monday morning there are 4,000,-
900 American boys and girls at school,
there are in Russia only 100, 900 enjoy
ing the benefit of instruction.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16
Mount Ararat,

Mount Ararat is 5000 feet higher than
Etna, aud 1923 feet higher than Mount
Blanc-the latter the point of greatest
elevation in Europe. 1t is detached from
the other mountains Of Asia, and is divi-
ded into two conical peaks. Sir Robert
Porter paints in vivid colors the magnifi-
cence of the spectacle when he first came
in sight of Ararat, majestically rising
from widely extended green plain, fer
tilized by the clear waters of the Aras,
(the ancient Araxes,) and covered with
Armenian villages. In various points of
view, the summit has a striking resem-
blance to ship-a fact which has been re-
corded by all travellers to the spot, and
the whole country round is full of tradi-
tionary stories relative to Noahs ark and
the food.
tits a common belief among the Ameri-
cans and Persians, that the remains of
the ark still exist on the summit. Sew
eral attempts have been made to reach the
top of the mountain, but rarely have any
such attempts succeeded. Moving sands
which threaten to overwhelm the travel
Ter, finty roads which cut his shoes to
shreds, terrible precipices, with overhang-
ing rocks, and above all, nests OF snakes
have constantly struck terror into the
stoutest hearts, and nearly in all cases in
duced the abandonment of the enterprise.
At Erwin, the Americans show the spot
where Noah first planted the vine, and
the town of Nakhdjovan (place of descent)
is believed to mark the spot where the
patriarch first settled on quitting the ark
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

A SAD CAsE.-Acting Ensign VIM.
R. Cooper, OF the U. S. Army, lately on
duty in the Burean of Navigation at
Washington, was married on the morn
ing of the I'd inst, to Miss Julia Defrees,
niece of the Public Printer, an heiress,
and highly accomplished young lady
A few hours afterward he was arrested
as the person who had recently succeed
ed In swindling the government out OF
100000 by means of forged acquisitions
on the Navy Department All OF the
100000 with the exception of about 81
500, was recovered when Cooper was ar
rested.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

STATISTICS OF MILWAUKEE. = The
population of Milwaukee, Wis, in 1910,
was 1850 souls; in 1865 the inhabitants
numbered 55,640. During the season of
navigation last year the importation
amounted to $4,000 tons of Eastern mer-
chandise, principally sugar (mainly from
Portland, Maine), coffee, tea, sugar, oil
and salt The receipts of wheat amount
ed to 12,043,659 bushels, which is ahead
even of Chicago in this item of such i'm
mense magnitude. The shipments of
wheat from Milwaukee in 1865 amounted
to 10,479,777 bushels. In the port trade
last year 457 vessels were engaged in car
rying, and rates of freight are always re-
munerative.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16
Execution of an Elephant.

An American circus has been travell-
ing about Switzerland with great success
this summer, but at Friburg, last month,
the male elephant, over fatigued by the
constant marching, and irritated by the
rough treatment of his keeper, suddenly
seized his keeper and tossing him to a
great height, on his fall crushed his chest
with his foot before any assistance could
be afforded. AS it is generally understood
that after once killing man those ami
mails are dangerous, the director of the
circus decided upon having it killed, and
for that purpose applied so the authorities
of Friburg for piece of cannon. This
was granted, and the animal having been
enticed into favorable position, the gun
was fired, and the brute fell dead.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

THE MORAL MARKET.-The follow
ing report Of matters in the moral market
has been made. We hope it is not en-
tirely correct:
Honor-Scarce Old stock exhausted
and the new will be complete failure.
Virtue-Old growth nearly consumed.
Young growth-prospects very unprom-
ising.
Honesty-None ia market
Patriotism-First quality scarce; none
to be disposed of. Second quality easily
bought on speculation at 100 per cent.
discount.
Prudence-All in the hands of old
stockholders.
Modesty-Stock badly damaged. None
for sale.
Vice-Market overstocked
Pride-Market glutted.
Politeness Cheap. Holders unwil-
ling to dispose of stock at present rates.
Scandal-None at wholesale. Dealt in
chiefly by hawkers and peddlers at re-
tail
Religion-None genuine on hand
Stock generally adulterated. Very few
investments.
Love-None offered-except for green
backs
Talent-Scarce article. Sold exclsive-
ly for cash.
Consistency-Out of fashion.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

BY the late act to amend the postal
laws, it is provided that Postmasters shall
return to the writers, free of cost, all let
ters not delivered or called for, when re-
quested to do SO by the persons mailing
them. Persons mailing letters should
bear this in mind, and write on them a
request to the postmaster to return the
letters to them if not delivered in any
number of days they may choose to men
tom. BY this course much delay and
anxiety may often be avoided.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

A FEMININE FREAK.-A week ago
last Monday morning, young person in
male attire and of feminine cast of coun-
tenance, took passage at Waterloo in the
Morris and Essex train for New York
The appearance of the passenger excited
suspicion that all was not right, and
gentleman of this town after a conversa-
ton with the ''fair wanderer" was salts
fed that the person by his side was girl
in boys clothes. He bluntly told the
young adventurer what he believed to be
the case and upon arriving at Newark,
she was placed by the Conductor in charge
of officer Burt, to be kept under arrest
until the up-train arrived, when she was
put aboard and sent to her home. She
made no opposition to returning, but de-
clared that she would run away again on
the first opportunity. She gave her name
as Fanny Drake but subsequent inquiry
showed this to be a ruse Her name is
Ellet, and her parents who are worthy
people reside, We believe, at or near Spar
ia in this county. A Newark officer ac-
companied the girl to her home.-Sus-
sec Register.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

The largest brick-yard in the world
is about to be established at Chicago. 1t
will be eight hundred feet long by four
hundred wide, and will contain machinery
adequate to the manufacture of two hun
dred thousand brick per day A canal
two thousand feet long, two hundred wide
and twenty deep, is to be dug, connecting
the yard with the south branch of the riv-
er, the earth exeavated to be used in the
manufacture of brick. The work is to be
commenced Immediately, and the kilns
will be burning this season.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

The following are the designs on the
backs of the several denominations Of ma
tional bank notes, viz: On 81, 900 notes,
Washington resigning his commission I;
$500 notes, surrender of Gen. Burgoyne !;
500 notes, Declaration of Independence I;
$50 notes, Embarkation Of the Pilgrims /;
$50 notes, Baptism of Pocahontas; $40
notes, De Soto Discovering the Mississip-
pi; SIS notes, Landing of Columbus, a.
92; 50 notes, Sir Walter Raleigh, 1885 /;
81 notes, Landing of the Pilgrims. All
national bank notes the back of which do
not correspond with the above, are bogus.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16
Lost and Found.

On the morning of July 26th. says the
Allentown Register, as Joseph Yeakel, a
son of Mr.. Benjamin Yeakel, of that place,
was going to his fathers farm in the coun-
try, he found well filed pocket book ly-
ing in the road. A short time after he
saw a man driving slowly along the road
looking carefully on each side, and ap-
parently in great distress of mind. An
ticipating the object of his search he ap-
preached him and learned that he was
looking for the lost pocket book. To the
great joy of the loser, Mr.. Yeakel pro-
duced it, and was informed by the owner,
named Henry j. Smith, that it contained
S17;300, the proceeds of the sale of his
saw mill property in Carbon county, and
portion of his wifes legacy which he
had just collected Smith rewarded
Yeakel by giving him sl00. A few days
after, Mr.. Yeakel received letter from
Smith enclosing S5, requesting him to
come to Philadelphia. Yeakel went down,
met him, was introduced to his wife, and
received an additional reward of $780,
Carbon Democrat.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16
CONNECTIONS.-Westward.

The MORNING TRAIN from New York
connects at MANUNKA CHUNK with the
train leaving Philadelphia (Kensington De-
pot) at 30 a. M, and Great Bend with the
through Mail Train on the Erie Railway,
with sleeping car attached, stopping at all
the principal stations on that road, and arri-
wing at Buffalo at 6 10 a. m.
The Esening Train from New York con.
meets at Manunka Chunk with The train lea
wing Philadelphia (Kensing DepoD at $50
p. M; arrives at Scranton at / 80, where ii
remains till 1925 next morning, when it
leaves, arriving at Great Bend at II. 55 D. M,
connecting with the day Express on the
Erie Railway.
Eastward.
The Morning Train from Great Bend co n
meets there with the Cincinnati Express on
the Erie Railway from the West at Manun.
ka Chunk with train for Philade!dhia a nd
intermediate stations, arriving in Philadel-
phia at $50 p. ~; and at New Hampton
with train for Easton, Bethlehem, Allen
town, Reading and Harrisburg, arriving at
Harrisburg at $50 p. m.
The Evening Train from Great Bend con-
meets there with the New York Express on
the Erie Railway from the West at Manun-
ka ChuEk with a train " hich runs TO Belvi-
dere, where it lies over until o'clock the
next morning and at New Hampton with an
Express Train for Easton, Bethlehem, AL
lentown, Reading and Harrisburg.
At Scranton, connections are made with
trains on the Lackawanna and Bioomsburg
Railroad to and from Pittston, Kingston,
Wikesbarre, Berwick. Bloomsbury, DanviIe
Northumberland, Harrisburg and interme-
date stations, and with trains on the Dela-
ware and Hudson Railroad TO and from Car
bondale and intermediate stations.
WATTS COOKE, Superintendent.
r. A. HENR Y, General Ticket Agent.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

Henry G. Gum of Missippi had Sc
cond wife who took more of fancy to a
son of his than to the old gentleman
They accordingly ran off together The
ungrateful SON Of gun (since both gum,
wcnt off together) has caused very sean-
dalous report.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16
Information Wanted.

Any one knowing the whereabouts of
William Purcell, who was member Of
Company &C." 109th Regiment Pa. Vols,
and whose testimony will add much to
the relief of the wife of deceased com
rade, will confer favor by informing
Chas, Albright, Attorney at Law, Mauch
Chunk, Pa.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

As an instance of the value of small
things, it is ascertained that eyelets cost
ing but IL or Is cents per thousand, are
consumed to the value of 81 ,000, 600 per
year, SO that over 100000 of these lit
tie conveniences are annually used in hoop
skirts, shoes, &c.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

A ragged old man, who was recently
arrested in st. Joseph, Mo, for vagrancy,
way found to have wrapped in rags on his
person 80 in coin, and S329 in cur
rency. He said that some Of the coin
had been in his possession for forty years.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

A man in Philadelphia has been sued
for S25, 900 for breach of promise. His
defense is-and it ought to clear him
that he was ready to marry her last Win
ter, but she kept putting it of, and as she
weighs 2S5 pounds he prefers not to mar
ry during the warm weather.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16
IN ALL IT'S BRAN

Particular attention will be given to this
branch of the subscribers business. He will
always study to please and consult the
wants and wishes of those who employ him.
From the number of years experience he has
had in this branch Of business he cannot and
will not not be excelled either in city or
country. Prices one-hird less than Is usual
ly charged, from 80 to - finished Collins al
ways on hand. Trimmings to suit the best
Hearse in the country. Funerals attended
at one hours notice. j. Ii. MCCARTHY.
Nav II, lS66-tf
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

A few evenings since young lady, In
fashionable attire, was observed in street
car in Washington, tenderly caressing
an ugly brown toad. which she held in
her hand, stroking its back fondly, aud
occasionally raising it to her lips for
salute. The creature (the toad we mean)
seemed to be thoroughly tanned and quite
at home.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16
THERE rs NO DEATH.

There is no death! The stars go down
To rise upon some fairer shore;
And bright in Heavens jeweled crown
They shine forever more.
There is no DEATH The dust we tread
Shall change beneath the summer showers
To golden rain or mellow fruit,
Or rainbow tinted flowers.
The granite rocks disorganize
To feed the hungry mass they bear:
The forest leaves drink daily life
From out the viewless air.
There is no death! The leaves may fall
The leaves may fall and fade away
They only wait, through wintry hours,
The coming Of the May.
There is no death! An angel form
Walks DER the earth with silent tread:
He bears our best loved things away,
And then we call them 50 dead"
He leaves our hearts all desolate-
He plucks our fairest, sweetest flowers:
Transpanted into bliss. they now
Adorn immortal bowers.
The bird like voice whose joyous tone
Made glad the scene of sin and strife,
Sings now in everlasting song
Amid the trees of life.
And where he seeSsd zsff,g.e so bright,
Or hearts too pure for taint or vice,
He bears it to that world of light
To dwell in Paradise.
Born into that undying life,
They leave it but 10 come again,
With joy we welcome them-the same:
Except in sin aud pain.
And ever near US, though unseen,
The dear immortal spirit tread;
For all the boundless universe
Is life--there is no death.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-08-16

A California editor, participating in a
debate as to the best method of building
a certain bridge, objected to Golfer da N
for making the pier. He said he early
formed prejudice against the thing; his
uncle once had a cow choked with tur.
nip, and long time it was thought she
would Golfer dam head off!