The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-12-07
FACETIE.

lAnS.-BecauSe ne5 USED up.
Heroines of novels are always wiring
ing their hands or handling their rings"
1t is a general remark that all classes
of persons are ready to give their opin-
ion. We think the lawyers must be ex-
cepted-they sell theirs.
Punch has written to Mr.. Darwin to
inquire if it is possible, under the theo-
ry of development, for bay horse to
become q sea horse.
| A romantic young man says that a
young woman's heart is like the moon;
it changes continually, but it always has
q man in it.
| A certain Irish attorney threatened to
prosecute Dublin printer for inserting
the death Of living person. The men,
ace concluded with the remark, that "no
printer should publish death unless
informed of the fact by the party de-
ceased"
Some one advised Alexander Logan, a
witty Scotch advocate, to read bonn
bastic book on good subject, saying,
"Don't you like to expatiate in that
feldp when he replied, 81 can't get over
the style"
A Young man and woman who sit low
ingly to each other in courtship are not
apt to reflect that sit to before mar
riage may be followed by set-to after
it.
The presiding mistress at boarding
house chopped the tea was good" Every
good, indeed, madam" was the general
reply, but Jones, between truth and
pOliteness, observed "that the tea was
excellent, but the water was smoky"
"Miss, what have you done to be
ashamed of, that you blush sof "Sir,
what have the roses, and the strawber-
ries, and the peaches done, that they
blush so'"
A man was lately invited to dinner,
and dish of ice cream was placed before
him. It was new dish to him. He
tasted it, then beckoned to the waiter
ard said, audibly, "That is very good
pudding, but do you know it's frozep
An honest dame, standing beside her
deceased husband, bewailing in piteous
tones his uDtimely departure, observed:
ats pity he's dead, for his teeth are as
good as ever they were."
One hiring lodging, said to the land
lady, 81 assure you, madam, am so
much liked that never left lodging
but my landlady shed tears" "Per-
haps," said she, ''you always went away
without paying"
"What a pity it is" said q lady to
Garrick, "yOu are not taller" "lshould
be happy, indeed, madam" replied Gar
rick, ITO be higher in your estimation"
A lady asked her gardener why the
weeds always ontgrew and covered up
the flowers. Madam" answered he,
''the soil is mother of the weeds, but
only step-mother of the flowers"
II will forfeit my head if you are not
wronc,n exclaimed dull and warm ora
tor, to the president Montesquien, in an
Fl accept it," replied the philosopher;
"any trifle among friends has value"
Lord Loughborough rallying physi-
clan on the efficacy of his prescriptions,
the doctor said he defed any of his pa
tients to find fault with him.
"That," answered the witty lord, sis
exactly what Jack Ketch says
A young man paying special atten-
ton to young lady, met with the fol-
lowing incident during one of his visits:
Being invited into the parlor to await
the lady's appearance, he entertained
himself as best he might for some time,
and was becoming weary, when little
girl, about five years of age, slipped in
and began to converse with him.
az can always tell" she said, "when
YOU are coming to our house."
"You cant" he replied, "and how do
you tell itp
"Why, when you are going to be here
sister begins to sing and get good, and
she gives me cake and pie, and any
thing want, and she sings so swcetly
when you are here, and when speak to
her she smiles sopleasantly. Iwish you
wonld stay here all the while, then l
would have good time. But when yon
90 off, sister is not good. She gets mad,
and if 1 ask her for anything she slaps
and bangs me about"
This was poser for the young man.
"Fools and children tell the truth"
quoted he, and taking his hat returned
no more