The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1866-01-04

and pianos sounding, Lilly White and Rouge,
and Sozodont entrapping ringets waving, hands
OF snow extending, rounded arms in laces ghs-
fenlng eyelids dropping and the whole Of our
-ovsuc machinery OF coquetng and most lorm;-
.5.al hatterits OF nat ural and artificial charms
S S,il ,lav,y'a will Ger ainly utterly discomdt
oyerwhelm, route, and ext, rmluate TINS contl-
maciOus. vainglorious, and arrogant zoe even
were he lead by an old sour-Eearted w,ooWer
instead of LieutenantGeneral Male FHrt Whp
signs himself by necessity, Celibacy.
VII. 1t is especially enloined upon oil com
monders, as a matter OF vital precautlon, tnat
all babies be kept scrupulously out OF sight and
hearing OF the enemy, for should he suspect the
existence of one of these dear little creatuIes--
sweet sugar.plums of mortality-he VIII hy 70
the uttermost parts OF the earth, harbarously
prefefrinp the society OF himsel. and other bears
to that of innocent babies--the wretch
VIII. The main army of bachelors being thus
entirely routed, it will devolve upon the antique
veterans of our arms--our younger soldiers
being far more available for close iighting--to
pursue all crippled bachelors, and TO capture
them by means Of any resource that may lay IN
their power the laws Of this war permitting the
use of any and every species of attack, defense
or ambush that hath been or may be lnvlted for
the use of womankind, by tailors, tailoresses
man-milliners, dressmakers, doctors, dentists,
wig-maSers, or home manulacturers.
TX. No prisoners will be paroled, Tor the
annals of history prove that bachelors oath is
never to be held of any value when given to a
ster. Therefore, all prisoners, as soon as cap
tured will be led in penltential wedding suits
70 our eXecutioneT, the parson, and then and
there incontinently put to death that IS, married.
X. All spoils, which Will be found, as we well
know to consist chiefly of tailoTs' and BARRIERS
extrayagances, hair oils and cigar cases, empty
heads and yacuous purses, large rolls OF Con-
fcderate money and little greasy wads OF green
backs, q few tOothpiCks, and some atalse teeth,
padded vests and bigh-heei boots, will at once
be confscated to the use of our babies, who,
when the battle is won, shall be triumphanty
brought to the 'front.'
XI. As the WIDOWS are thus far neutral, let
their rights be respected, and mutual alliance
be made whenever eXpcdient
XII. II is known that our enemies are aided
and abetted by sundry old renegade widO Vers,
wearing bachelor uniforms. When any of these
miscreants are captured they will be furnished
with Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup, and cross
babies at the public expense, for life.
In conclusion, your commander counselS you
to perseverance, seltdenal, and dry.gOods stores.
BE true to yourselves and prove worthy OF your
tolmer and once dear departed. Remember that
a husband well managed is a handy thing to
have about the house, especially II you have
babies. Be not cast down ii you fail once again,
but try again and you will assuredly be victo-
rious; but should you, any Of you, be so untor'
Cunate as to fail to secure q bachelor husband,
console yourselves with the reflection that we
have the widowers to fall back upon; and that
failing, we have seen some husbands who were
created TO curse womankind, and congratulate
yourselves that you, individually, viii nave no
cradles to buy for such husbands to rock.
BY command Of
LADY IIEUTENANV-GENERA BALMoRAL.
A. YANDYKE, A, A. and |. General