The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1866-05-24
Wit and Wisdom,

The only pain that We make light Of
A Window pane.
What workman never turns to tho
left: A wheel-right.
The heigth OF absurdity--a vegtina-
rian attending cattle show!
Even pig ION the spit has the con-
ISOLATION Of thinking that things may
turn.
What sort of throat Is best for sing
er to reach the high notes with ? a
soar throat.
Don't have too many friends. He
who can't count his friends can't count
upon them.
As a general rule age makes the good
better, and bad worse.
A mean tidler Is always getting into
bad scrapes.
Ifa writer does not make his book
concise, the reader can do IL for him.
self.
Punch's catuion to ladies-A silk
dress should never be satin.
More than half Of mankind should not
open their mouths except to put their
victuais In.
lie who can weather the storm need
not storm ut the weather.
A man may have n great deal Of man.
ner and no manners.
Balloons are like vagrants. When up
they have no visible means OF support.
The way to get good wife-get
good girl and go to the parson.
Maxim Of an incorigiblc-It Is very
dangerous to leave Off habits in cold
weather.
The birds are the most successful Of
agriculturalsts, rs their crops never
fail.
Keep carefully out of quarrclsomo
persons way and still more carefully out
of his ways.
"How fast wicked men can go on In
their sins!' exclaimed Il good but unso-
phisticated old lady; "it only takes two
seconds to fight duel"
1t IL strange that so much Is said about
"our common country when every
body knows that 1t Is most uncommon
one.
If a mans opinions and arguments
can be disprovcd and rcfuted, heis in no
danger of being prosecuted on account Of
them.
If a man keeps too many mastifis,
hounds, pointers, settlers, terriers, his
earnings will all go to the dogs.
Surely the most painful recollection
Oh earth il that Of having had it In our
power to do good, and neglected to do 1t.
When gentleman stares at young
lady, and she starcs at him, they are apt
to mount to the region Of love by pair
Of starcs.
The man "down East" who hung
himself with chord Of music, has been
cut down by sharp east wind.
| People perform the greater part tho
voyage OF life before taking on their bal
last hence SO many shipwrecks.
A brave man in battle dies with his
feet to the foe. A man who kicks his
enemy lives with his feet to the foe.
Let us always go beyond the duties
that are marked out, and keep within
the pleasures permitted.
Many who think great deal Of tho
maxim that truth shouldcn't be told
ut all times" can't be made to under
stand that falsenood nevcrshould.
A fool in high station is like n man
IN a balloon-everybody appears little to
him and he appears little to everybody.
A young girl Is fishing-rod, the eyes
are the hook, the smile the bait, the low
er the gudgeon, and marriage the butter
in which he is fried.
A certain writer boasts that he directs
all his shots at error. 1t is all that he
gun-shot Of truth.
There Is SO omething consoling for ev-
cry i'll in this this life. For instance, ifa
man Is bald-headed his wife can't pull
his hair.
Many husband and father, who
would kill fellow-man for lacerating
the feelinge Of his family, lacerates them
more himself than all the world be-
sides.
More than Million new-laid eggs a
day are imported from France into
! England. Thus it is said that England
Is being brought under the French yolk.
"Pa, know why that old-fashioned
pistol of your'n that granmother TIT
with in the Revolution is called a horse
pistol" "Why, SOM" "Becase 1t kicks
| SO!
"Well, Miss" said knight Of the
birch, "can you decline a kiss:' "Ies,
sir, said the girl, dropping perplexed
courtesy, " can-but hate to, most
plaguily."
A would-be-prophet, down South, late
ly said, in one Of his sermons, that "he