The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1866-02-16
SPARE LINES,

an lnc"NW" iHuuiry,-W ouId artificial
teeth enable q person to sing false.,cttoP
Could not tuning fork bo properly describ.
cd as pitch fork
What is the principle drncJdtk in coastins7 2
Pulling the sled up hill.
We often talk OF being settled in life; we
mightas well think Of casting anchor IN the
Atlantic Ocean, or talk ot the permanent
situation Of the stone that is rolling down
hill
A parsimonious sca captain answering the
complaints of his men that tho bread was bad,
exclaimed, "What! complain OF your bread
that is made from flour What do you think
of the apostles? They ate 'shcw bread, made
from old boots and shoes"
public dinner. Tho ordinary toasts were given
when Judge Story arose and said :-"Famc
follows wherever II (Everett) goes" Everett
replied :--"Ilerc's TO tho legal profession. 1t
has never got above the FIRST story (story)"
An odd Bit Of dialogueappears u novel now
publishing in French paper. "Whcre is
your husband?" asks u gentleman. "lle went
out to buy cigar" replies tho lady. "Has
he been gone long" "Eightcen years." "He
s quito right" remarks the gentleman, philo.
sophically "he wants to choose good ono."
Lille Is-with her brother, called at u
house on her way TO school, one cold morning
to warm. Some doubts were expressed as to
her brother being old enough to attend school.
"Oh. yes :" says Lille, she's six, and mother
says II no hadn't been sick, he would have been
as much as seren or eight.
The attention Of little glrl having been
called to u rOsebush, on whose topmost stem
tho oldest rose was fading, while below and
around it three beautiful crimson buds were
Just unfolding their charms, she at once and
artlessly exclaimed to her brother -" $500,
Willie, these little buds have just awakened in
time to kiss their mother before sho dies"
An anxious father had been lccturing his
dissolutc Son, and alter most pathetic appeal
to his feelings, discovering no sign Of cOntri
ton, no exclaimed: What, no relenting
emotion?-n not ono penitent toar?" "Ah,
father" replied the hardened hopeful. -" you
may as well leave of boring me; you will OBJ
tain no water, assure you"
Every morning wo enter upon now day
which carries a yet unknown future in its bo.
som. Thoughts may be born to-day which
may never expire hopes may be excited wich
may never be extinguishod: and acts may be
performed to-day, tho consequence of which
cannot be realized till that day when " tho SO.
crets OF all hearts shall be made known"
A lawyer, who rridOd himself upon his skill
in cross-cxamining q witness, had once an odd.
looking genius upon whom to operate. "You
say, sir, that tho prisoner is a thiei?" "Yes.
sir, because sho confessed it," "Aud you also
swear that she bound shoes for You subsequent
to the confession p al do, SIR" "Then,''
giving n sacacious look to tho court, "arc we
to understand that you employ dishonest per-
sons to work for you, even after their rascali-
ties arc known?'' "Of course: how else,
pray, could got assistance from lawycrT'
Tho witness was pcrcmptorily ordered to 'staud
down."
Paris has just lost nm admirable wit and Bo-
hominn in Alexander Bnuchct. Here is one sto
ry about him :-Perceiving ono day, after q
hoavy fall Of rain, well.drcssed young woman
standing at the edge of q sidewalk of a boulc.
yard. much perplexcd as to the best method Of
crossing the sca of mud before her, he gallant
" advanced, took her up in his arms and car
ried her across. On being set down tho lady
expressed no gratitude In tho following words:
--"You are an insolent fellow" Whereupon
NJ. Bouchet took her up again, carried her
back to tho spot whence ho brought her, and
having thus repaired the wrong, took leave Of
her with u profound salutation.
1t was on one Of tho river steamers, at din.
ncr, that IN able matronly lady remarked in
tho midst Of conversation with grave looking
gentleman. on tho subject Of tompurance -
"Oh, of all things in the world, dospisc whis.
key-drinkers =" Tho gentleman dropped his
knife and fork in tho ardor of his feelings, OK.
tended his hand and took hers within his own,
and with emotion that threatened tears over
the loss Of ruined sons, he replied with ialtcrng
words -" Madame, respect your sentiments
and the heart that dictates them. permit no
one to 20 beyond mo in despising whiskey.
drinking. hayc been dissused on this very
boat, and say it now before our captains face.
What, say, can bo moro disgusting than to
SEQ well-dressed. respectable and virtuous look.
ing young men step up to the bar Of this boat
and, without fear OF Observing eyes, boldly ask
for whiskey. when thcy know that there is in
that very bar tho best old Cognac Brandy"