The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-11-09
! 7FACETIE.

4 49, .
ell sli Erl hgE r.---- ----sgr r-sG -.
WHEN is the best time to read the
book of nature When autumn tarns
E IgSflsasY TsIW.
WHEN was beefsteak the highest
When the COW jumped over the meon.a
A GOLDFISH breakfast and an India
rubber coat, will keep . man dry all
r day' dyil
nj aAN arch young lady should be an
archer, for she can bend her beau as she
, pleases. -.
d = EVERY Woman is in the wrong until
she cries--and then she is in the right
instantly. .saaei ,rois - D. ~ '
aMy WIFE, Siife,+ said '~ag the tt1ittli 1Gittlisr day,
"came near calling me honey last
!. night "a TIndeed, =. how \, was thatp
"Why she called me old bees WAX a,
WHY are young ladies kissing each
other like an emblem of Christianity
Because they are doing INTO each 9th
er as they would men dc, unto them.
Il Ak editor out West says: "If we
brilliant course. of our public career,
Flet him send hs q new hat and say moth
ing about it." Very cool indeed. h''
4 I'I WONDER where those clouds are
goingiy sighed Flora, peDsively, as she
pointed with her delicate finger to the
heavy masses that foated in the sky.
III think they are going to thunder! y
.
Two Irishmen were in prison, one for
stealing watch and theother for steal
ing COW. "Mike,n said the cow
stealer one day. Hwhat time is itp
|" Och, said Pat, al havn't my watch
handy, but think it's about milking
timen Bf7R F,3fE3IpT
J. AFAsT Irishmap, in time of revival,
ljoined the church, but was found sim
ming grievously, not long afterwards.
"Didnt You join the Methodists y in
quired o piously disposed person. "Faix
an did, I jined for six months, and II
behaved 30 well that they let me off
with three" 90. '-'T'
A LADY, teaching her little daughter,
four years old, pointed to something in
the book, and asked, aaWhat is that, my
dear ~ .sWhy, don't you knowr' in
ouired the child. "Yes," said the moth.
or. "but wish to lind out if yon kn9w.ieD AZ 20
"Well ;" resp9pdssed, dee, the sssn, II you please"
knSSSTyb STybe lady. "Why, no. insisted the
little one, with an arch look, .you
know what it is, and know what 1T is,
and there is no need of saying anything
more about it,"
| a WHAT, BRASCH.-A certain Georgia
countryman, not having beensp splendidly
educated, and who was very successful
as q "money maker" determined to send
his son off, for refinement and culture,
to the good sold North State" When
the Young man arrived at the destined
noint. the President of the institution,
wanted to know what line of studies he
would. .pursue, and failing to elicit the
information from the boy, interrogatcd
the old man, by letter, as follows: ..fioI
My DEAR SIR:-Your son has arrived,
&c. What branch shall put him in
Respectfully, -
This was a poser, and bothered the
"old gent" nightly. In his musings he
could arrive at nothing satisfactory, but
was suddenly reminded of his sons i'm
pending danger, and the necessity OF
doing Something to save him. After
"rummaging" awhile for pen, ink, and
paper, he produced the following de-
mOralized effusion:
"SIR IF the. boy , must 60 into a
branch, select one yourself, but for his
mothers sake, don't put him in Tar
Riyer.-Southern Georgian.
A GENTLEMAN lying on his death-bed,
called his coachman, who had been al
old servant and said: "Ah Tom, am
going a long and rugged journey, worse
thau you ever drove me-, ron, dear
sir" replied the fellow Che having been
an indifferent MASTER "neyer let that
discourage you, for it is all down hiil.'
IAN Irish woman applying for relief
the other day, as one of the sufferers by
theo ffre, was Tquestioned as to her
family by the lady to whom she ap-
piled. Hit# 1pD1% -.
GLOW many children have your ,v'i
"Six.n u tr1HA y
GLOW old is your youngestr
,''Me youngest Is dead, and I've had
another since" , 4
A PRoMrsING youth of six summers
returned from. church with sad coun-
ttefia,iee and heavy heart. His parents
anxiously inquired what was the mat
ter. to which the lad replied: "The
Preacher said we must be born again,
/ and + don't want to, 'fraid I'll be a gal
next time" 'hFE "h7 .
WHEN Doctor Dodge, an electric ply
sician, was lecturing through this State
on the evils of tea and coffee, he hap
pened TO meet, one morning, at the
breakfast table, n witty son OF Erin OF
the better class. Conversation turned
OH the Doctors favorite subject, and he
addressed our friend as follows:
81 don't know" said Erin "but I'd
like to be there when you do it," .r
"Well,r said the Doctor, eff | convince
YOU that they are injurious to yonr
health, will You abstain from their use'"
tli"Sure. and win, sir"
"How often do you use coffee and tear
asked the Doctor.
Morning and night, sirF soa@ ''
"well," said~the Doctor "do you ever
experience aslight dizziness 1.-THE brain
on going to bed~ "i
II do, indeed / do" replied Erin.
"And q sharp pain thrUugh the tenn
Piles, in and about the eyes IN the morn-.
mgr aiH'
"Troth LIDO So" dqgaw ~.
"well," said the Doctor with an air OF
confidence and assurance in his manner,
"that is the tea and coffee" .ms
"Is it, indeedi Faith, and always
Thought Il was the whiskey l drank. ~
The company roared with laughter,
and the Doctor quietly retired. -.
4
A MIsER recently died in Paris, and
his ways Of living were certainly novel
in the extreme. He boasted that his
breakfast never cost him more thana
half.penny, and chat It always consist
: ed of bread and butter, or bread and fruit.
This was his economic plan: ~.
Every morning he bought sour roll
) hof bread. With this he, went to the
, markets, ald if it was winter, he began
! by tasting the country voman's butter
! A bit of this was put in his mouth,
! witha bit of bread previously deposit