Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1866-04-26
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The First Ice Cream.

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as ludicrousiy characteristic. It purporfs
to be .tAn account of Ethan Spikes, First
and Last Visit to Po.tls"d-:
Portland is the all firsdss place I ever
sssd 7 was going down there in 'S3, to see
q little about my goin' to the Legislator,
and suck time rs I had you never heer'd
tell on. Did I ever tell you about the ice
cream scrape I had?'
We answered in the negative, and he re-
sumed.
wall, I'd bin down thar two or three
days pokin' in every hole, an thot I'd seed
every thing that was to be seen. But one
day towars' sun down I was goip' BY shop
in Middle street that looked wonderful
sliek-there was all manner Of candy and
psppermints an what noss at the windows.
And then thar war signs with goold letters
onto them, hangin' round the door, tellin'
how they sold Soda, Mead, an Ice Cream
thar. I says to myself, have heern good
deal about this ERE ice cream, an now if l
don't see what they's made Of So puts
my hands into my pockets, an walked in
kinder careless, an says to a chap standin'
behiad the counter
do you keep any ice cream hereT
iYes sir, says he, show much ill you
hsvsf'
I considered mint, says la pint sir.
The young fellsr's face swelled out, but
srtsr q while he asked
Did you say pint SIR
tSartin,' says I, 'but p'raps you don't re.
tail, so don't mind takin' quart
Wall don't you think the feller snorted
right out. Tell yer what, it made me feel
sort pison, an I gave him look that
made him look sober in about mint an
when I clinch'd my fist, and looked 30 at
him, (here Mr.. Spike favored us with a
most dlabolical expression,) he hauled in
his horns about the quickest, an handed
me pint o the stuff as perlite as could be-.
Wall, I tasted mouthful of it, and found
it cool as the north side O. Bethel hill in
January. I'd half mind to spit out, but
Jest then I seed the confectioner chap grin
ing behind the door, which riz my spunk.
Gall smash it all, thinks I, I'll not let that
white liver'd monkey think I'm afeard-
I'll eat the plaguey stuff if it freezes my in
ards. tell yer what, I'D rather skinn'd a
bear or whip'd wild cat, but I went it.
/ eat the whole in about mint.
wall, in about quarter of an hour I
began to feel kinder gripy about here con-
tinued Ethan, pointing to the lower parts
of his stomach, 'an' kept on feelin' no bet.
ter fast, till at last it seemed as though I'd
got steam ingen sawin' shingles iu me-
I sot down on cheer, and bent myself up
like q nut cracker, thiDkin' I'd grin and
bear it; but couldn't set still twisted
and squirued about like an angle worm on
q hook, till at last the chap as gin me the
cream, who had been looking on sniokerin'
says be to me.
'Mister,' says he, what sils yer?'
sails me 'says l, chat eye stuff o your n
is freeziu' up my daylighss,' says 1.
You eat two much says be.
I tell yer 1 didn't screamed /; i
know what's a nuf an what's too much
without askin' you, an if you don't leave
off snickerin' I'll spile your face
he cottoned right down, and said be did
not mean any hnrt, and asked me if bad
not better take some gin. told him /
would. So I took pretty good horn and
left the shop.
'After got OUT continued Ethan, felt
better for mint or SO, but hadn't gone
fur afore the gripes took me agin; so I went
into another shop, aD' took some more gin
then I sot down on the State House steps,
an there sot an set, but didn't feel a
mite better. begun to think was agoin'
to kick the bucket, an then l thought OF
father an mother, and of old Spanker-
that's fathers, old hoss-and when I thought
that T should never see 'em again, I fairly
blubbered. But then 1 happened to look
up an see dozen boys GRIMM and larfn'
at me, tell yer what it riz my dandsr, that
had got down below aero-rite up again.
I sprung at 'em like wild cat, hollering
out I'd shake their tarnal gizzards out, an
ths.wsy the little devils scampered was a
caution to nobody. But after the 'citement
of the race was over, I felt wus again an
couldn't help groanin' and screechin' as l
went along.
At last I thought I'd 60 to the theatre,
but afore I got there the gripes got so strong
that had to 60 behind meetin' house and
lay down and holler. Arter while got
up and went into q shop and eat half a
dollars wuth of billed listers with four pick.
led coweumbers, and wound up with glass
of brandy. Then went into the theatre
and seed the plays, but I felt SO, that l
couldn't see any fun in 'em, for 1 don't
think the listers and the cowcumbers done
me any good. I sot down, laid down, and
stood up, but still it went gripe, gripe !
groan'd all the time, an once in while ]
was obliged to screech kinder easy. Every
body stared at me and somebody called
out sturn him out y once or twice But at
last, as the niger Otbello was goin' to pu,
the piller on his wifes face to smother her,
there cum such twing through me, that
l really thought l was burstin' up and l
yelled out, oh, dear 2 oh, scissors p SO loud
that the old theatre ruug again. Such a