The Daily empire. (Dayton, Ohio) 1865-1867, 1866-02-03
WIT AND WISDOM.
Tho Negro Jubiiec II whar,s de
TickeLsgg az

| De glory oblde Tisipday, -r
| on lSinky ininky, stinky oh 8 aI as..H Q u
| ~ ais amt glory toll me SO"
| There IS a great deal of theology In tho
idea OF the little girl who wished that she
could be good without 0beying her grand
mother. She said IL was easy enough to.
read good books and TO pray. but Il was
pretty hard to mind grandmother. 3
You have plenty Of veal in your place,
said an illiterate butcher to Che owner,
who was standing in the yard with a lot OF
calves. Yes and woe too, said the poor
man, Misunderstanding his meanmg,thav-
ing lost his wife and one child the day be-
fores .ig7v .rae -, -.
I"Apu can't deaigJ that we have, mustered
somcgf the finest armies ever seen on this
gloheift ftbauglaiiy said tho rebel Generalt
Wade Hampton 10 killpatrick, during the
lnegotiation of Jolnaon's surrender to Sher-
man. Yes" quictly-replied the dashing
cRvalrynnnn,"you mustered 'ein and we pep
perea 'emn ~ rf,' ''1g
Why isa stock gambler like a railroad
traiHI Because he may be expected to-
smasiup AZ any moment. tru
/ [ "uiq age Is coming upon me rapidly" as
tle nfelin said when he was stealing apples
ifoul an old mans garden, and saw the
qwnerconling, cowiide in hand.
What is tic difference between mos
quito bar and o har-rOom? One Is closed
tightly TO Keep suckers out, the other isl
Repb open.to draw suckers in.
feel thick, said leshy, lispiug damsel
toherlnndlerd, after eating allearty dinner.
J esi said lie, YOU look quite fat after the
mead. Oh tliir you mithtakc i thaid 1 feel
tIieb at the stomach. Yes. said lie, i un-
derstand, thick around the waist. She arose
and fed in disgust ANtAt
4 girl who had become tired of single
bles4edness thus wroie To her intended hiis-
baud "Dcar Bill, come rite or ii you're
comm at all. Edward Kelderman is insist
IN that shall have him, and he hugs and
kisses Dle SO continually thatl can't hold
out much longBP.opis aassstE
i"My dear Polly, AM surprised at your
tasde In wearing another woman's hair on
MOAN, shead, said Mr.. Smith to his wife,
ma. dear JoS I am equally astonished that
youfpersistin in wearing anotller sheep's wool
on your back
Hi6PISG 10 pUT A Man ORE THE CARs.-
What Is the matter with You, you scraw-
ney little wretch, said vixen of a
wife ~ herp0or hcn-pecked husband as he
came mat the gate with scratched aud
bloody hceau Why, why, said the poor
EdeYilAtremblipg from head to foot, |, just
h}Ielpcd TO pat a man ont of the cars. You
did, ha ! she fairly screamed, why any kind
of n man could hurl You head foremost
through the pannels of the window. Iess
Jest so, said the little wretch, that IL the
way went; ! found / had to go, So as the
man pitched j sprangWith it, thinking the
faster | went through the less Id be
scratched. The vixen led him into the
mouse py rle lose af oa 90 .tl. .. roasT
"IIow2do yodTike thh character. ofst
Pmt?" asked person Of his Itntllady ono
day during conversation about the old
Saints and tbc apostles, ''AhY he was a
said, you know, thar Wa must eat what is
set before as aud OSls no questions for con-
SCIENCES sake. ! always thought | should
like him fora boardft.' ...I
PROVED TOO MUcH.-A story is related
of n Judge of one of Che New York Courts,
who is not remagkahle for the excellence of
his morals. or the correctness of his de-
pertinent lie was trying case, not long
since, in which suit had been brought
against woman for keeping n house of ill
repntc, aud Que of the witnesses. ahabitue
Of tue place, was asked what he had seen
in the establishment, The witness declined
TO answer. The Judge Insisted, and finally
threatened the man with incarceration un-
less he made immediate response.
'"well, &c must must, said the wit
ness Ile last time ! Vas .thcre, Iremem-
her distinctly AiaS the Court was there
also, ,alnl very drunk, aud the proprietress
Of the concern wins busily engaged IN put
ting him out.h iaa ~ 1hUl lG. .E4 Z.
stop! stopm cried The Judge, at this
stage of the proceedings. eve wish TO
hear nothing more from that most untrust-
worthy witness" .s. a t'