The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1866-08-12
MISCELLANX
wnuted--A Minister.

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The first who came among us,
BY no means the worst,
But then we didn't think Of bin,
Because he.was the first;
It being quite the custom
10 sacrifice few
Before the church in earnest
Determined what to do.
There was smart young fellow
With serious, earnest way,
Who, but for one great blunder,
Had surely won the day,
Who left 80 good impression,
On Monday, one or two
Went round among the people
TO see if he would do.
The pious, godly portion
Had not fault to find;
His clear and searching preaching
They thought the very kind.
And all went smooth and pleasant
Until they heard the views
OF some influential sinners
Who rent the highest pews.
On these his pungent dealing
Made but sorry hit;
The coat Of Gospel teaching
Was quito too tight fit.
OF course his fate was settled;
Attend, ye parsons, all!
And preach to please the Sinnera,
II you would get call.
Next came spruce young dandy;
He wore his hair too long;
Another's coat was shabby,
And his voice not ovcr-strong;
And ono New Haven student
Was worse than all Of those;
We couldn't heed his sermon
For thinking of his nose.
Then. wearying of candidates,
We looked the country through,
Mid doctors and pr ofessors,
To find one that would do;
And after much discussion
On whom should bear the ark,
With tolerable agreement,
We fixed on DR.. Parkc.
Here, then, we thought it settled,
But were amazed to find
Our fattering invitation
Respectfully declined.
We turned to DR.. Hopkins
To help US in the lurch,
Who strangely thought that college
Had claims above our church.
Next we despatched committees
By twos and threes, to urge
The labors for Sabbath
or the Rev. Shallow Splurge
He came-a marked sensation,
So wonderful his style,
Followed the creaking Of his boots
AS he passed up the aisle.
His tones were so affecting,
His gestures so divine,
A lady tainted in the hymn
B.tore the second line;
And on that day he gave us,
In accents clcar and loud,
The greatest pray or ever addressed
To an enlightened crowd.
He preached double sermon,
And gave us angels food
On such lovely topic
''The joys OF solitude
All full of sweet descriptions
or flowers aud pearly streams,
or warblin2 birds, and moonlit groves
And golden SUNSET beams.
or faith and true repentance
He nothing had to say:
he rounded all the corners,
Aud smoothed the rugged way:
II lnaged with great adroitness
To cntci in and please,
A I'd leave Lne sinners conscience
Completely at its ease.
Six hundred is the salary
We gave III former days;
We thought it very liberal,
And found it hard to raise;
Bnt whom we took the paper
We had no need to urge
To raise cool two thousand
For the Rev. ALLOW Splurge.
In vain were all the eff,rts-
We had no chance ct all
We found ten city churches
Had given him call;
And he, in prayerful waiting,
Was keeping them all in tow;
Bnt where they paid the highest
1t was whispered he would go.
And now, good Christian brothers,
We ask yonr earnest prayers,
That God would send shepherd
To guide our church affairs,
With this clear understanding
a man to meet our views,
Must preach to please the sinners.
And fill the vacant pews.