North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1866-01-17
sOLILOQUY OF LOAFER.

Let's see, where am l! This is-coal
Pn lying on. Was coming up street
met wheelbarrow was drunk, comm
tother way-the wEeelbarrow fell over me,
or over the wheelbarrow, and one of US
fell into the cellar-don't know which now
guess it must ha' been me. I'm nice
young man yesI am-tight! tore !
drunk Well, / can't help it-'taint my
fault-wonder whose fault It's ?"Is 1t
Jones fault No. Is it my wife's fault =
" ell, it amt. 1t is the wheelbarrow's
fault ? No. It's whisky's fault. Who is
whisky /? Has he large family ? All poor,
I reckon. think won't own him any
more. I'll cut his acquaintance. I've had
that notion for about ten years, aud always
hate to do it for7fear of hurting his feelings,
T'Il do it now. / think liquor is is injurin'
me-it's spelling my temper. 49,.
Sometimes l get mad when I'm drunk
and abuse Bets and the boys it used to
be Lizzie and the children-that's some
time ago. I'd come home O. evenin's an
she put her arms around my neck an kiss
me. an call me her dear William. When
comes home now, she takes the pipe out
of her month an the hair out of her eyes,
an says somethin' like -"Bill, you drunk
en- brute, shut the door after you: we're
cold enough, havin' no fire, 'thout letting
the snow blow in that way" Yes, she's
Bets, an I'm Bill. now. L amt good
Bill, nuther; think I'm a counterfeit .
won't pass-a tavern without goin' in an
gettin' drunk. Don't know what bank
Pm on, Last Saturday l was on the river
bank---drunk.
stay out pretty late no, sometimes
I'm out all night fact is, I'm out pretty
much all over--out of friends, out of pock
ct, out at the elbows and knees, and always
outrageously dirty-so Bets says but then
she's no judge, for she's never clean her
self, | wonder why she doesn't wear good
clothes may be she hasn't got 'em -
whose faults that ?-isn't mine-must be
whisky's,
Sometimes I'm in, however I'm intox-
icated now and in somebody's coal cellar,
There's one principle | have got-I won't
get in debt never could do it. There,
one Of my coat tails is gone, got tore off,
| expect, when fell in here. I'll have to
get new suit soon. A fellow told me
'tother day that I'd make good sign for
paper mill. If he wasn't so big I'd kick
him. I've had this shirt on for nine days,
and I'm afraid it won't come off without
tearin. People ought to respect me
more'n they do, for I'm in holey orders
I hain't dandy. through my clothes are
pretty near Greasiea1 style. I guess ! tore
this window shutter in nv pants t'other
night, when I sat down on the wax in Ben
Riggs shop; I'll have to get it mended,or
I'll catch cold I amt very stout. As
the boys say, Pm fat as match and
healthy as the smallpox. My best hat is
standing guard for a window pane that
went out t'other morning at the invitation
of brick-bat. It's getting cold down
wonder if amt able to climb. II
I had drink I could think better Let's
see amt got three cents; if I was in a
tavern could sponge one. Whenever
anybody treats and says, "come fellars,"
always think nv names "fellars," and Eve
got too good manners to refuse. Well, |
must leave this, or they'll arrest me for an
attempt at burglary. amt come to that
yet. Anyhow, it was the wheelbarrow
that did the harm--not me.