davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

neS- A merchant having sent, in obe-
dience to an order, fifty barrels of -four
to u grocer in the Provinces, recently
received another order which he thinks
has malice in it, or else the man did
not get what he expected, viz: "Send
down fifty hogs to eat up that -four"
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

j. A~LExANDER's DRUG SroRE is still we'll
supplied with a large stock Of drugs, medicines,
wall paper, patent medicines, paints and dye
siufrs aud all articles pertaining to the Drug
trade;
Call ana get Rings Unrivallcd Hair Resto,
ratiye.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28
rIEETINGs.

Meetings for the discussion Of the
Political issues of the day will be held
as follows:
DeavcrtONn, Friday, Oct. 9th.
at 4 O'Clock Il. w.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

BeSNA few kits Of new mackerel, caught
last month, just received at The Grocery Store
old. n. MORLEY.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28
MA RIED.

BGILEYLMeoNNEDIAOn the 26th inst,
at the residence Of the brides mother, by Row.
John Kelly, Mr.. Willis Bailey, Of Evansville,
TO Miss Caroline A.. Mcconnell, youngest
daughter Of the late Alexander Mcconnell.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

nay Go to SHEPARD 8 Sons to buy
Silks, Laces, Ribbons, Muslins, Prints,
Cloths, Cassimeres and Skirts.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

New GooDs.-They have just re-
ceived II large and well-sclected stock
of NEW GOODS at HALLS Cheap
Store in Malta, which they are pre-
pared to sell as cheap as the cheapest.
The public will find it to their advan-
tage to give them a call, as they are
determined not TO be undersold.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

b@-"Gentleman, am ashamed Of yOui go
home and be ashamed Of yourselves"
The above was the language of General
Grant to the crowd who9 insultel President
johnson at Indianspolls'-Seymour (Indiana)
Union.
AT Cincinnati he told the Jacobins that he
was greOtly annoyed ate their pretended hom'
age, aud would have none Of II. At Wash
ngton he refused p~eremptorily TO atteud' the
meeting Of such soldiers and sailors as could
be got together at Pittsburg to assail the Ad-
uinistration. and wrote brief letter to that
effect. In December last he made an official
report that every thing was right at the
SQufh-Ihe people were loyal and we'll dis
posed TO Government, and we're qualified
to resume their relations with it. Thus the
head OF the army stands by the Presi dent.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

last week a young bull was picked up at
sea, of Chebeague Island, coast of Maine.
The animal was Eve miles from the main
land where he was overhauled aud was hard
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

BAnGAINs-NoTT a. Cochran have
just opened a new Clothing Store
ono door east of II. Spencc's hat store,
and selling low for cash, their motto
being quick sales and small profits"
Gentleman in want of anything in the
clothing line viii DO well to call and
examine their stock.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28
Office sOulb,w ives corner Of Public Square.

"AND THE BLIND SHALL SEE' by calling
on TT NorT, at Morris Hardware Store,
who, i is generally known, has been afflicted
With sore eyes for twenty-five years, and hav-
ing been cured BY The use Of j. ". Ha.dy's
bye Balm takes pleasure in supplying ndy in
need OF O cure. -
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

sErD wnyAr for sole by j. f. soSSAs.
srfSE, McConnelsviIle.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

Ssy- Bacon, pork hams and lard Tor sale ut
MoRTLEY's.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

Tho Trustees Of the several townships in said
county are required TO return the following
number Of Jurors from their respective town
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28
KNOW THY DESTINY

MADAME E. F. THORNTON, the great
English Astrologist, Clairvoyant and Psychom-
etrieian, who has astonished the scientific
classes of the Old Word, has now located her
self at Hudson, ~. Y. Madame Thornton pos
scsscs such wonderful powers Of second sight,
us to enable her to impart knowledge OF the
greatest importance TO the single or married of
either sex. While in q state Of trance she de-
lineates the very features Of the person you are
to marry, and by the aid Of on instrument of
intense power, known rs the P~sychomotrope,
guarantees TO produce a life -like picture Of the
future husband or wife of the applicant, to-
gether with date Of marriage, position in life,
leading traits Of character, &c. This isno hum
bug, us thousands Of testimonials can assert.
She will send, when desired, . certified certia-
cate or written guarantee that the pictures Is
what Il purports 10 be. BY enclosing o small
lock Of hair and stating place of birth, age, dis
position and complexion, and enclosing so
cents and stamped envelope addressed TO your
self, you will receive the picture and desired
information by return mail. All c%ommunica-
tions saeredly confidential. Address, in conf
dencc, Madame E.. +. Thornton, r. o. Box 223'
Hudson, N. Y. se2s-5m
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28
-Gbt CONSERVATIVE.

@a- All business pertaining to the coNsER-
vkFiyn onice during our absenee) can be trans
acted with r. u. MooRE.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28
ADMINISTRATORS NOTICE.

THE undersigned has been duly appointed
Il Administrator of the estate, with the will
annexed, of William Hottie, deceased, late Of
Morgan county, Ohio.
se2l-1966 JOHN @. FORD,
ADMINISTRATORS NOTICE.
UHE undersigned has been appointed Admin.
i strator Of the estate Of James e. Stewart,
deceased, late Of Morgan county, Ohio.
stll-lsco JAMES y. STEWART.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

ssg-Ez,'a susars cured dried beef Tor sale
~ MoarLEr's,
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28
NJ. An arecont nublic nn elo

R9~ At arecent publicmeeting an elo-
quent advocate of popular education
TINS delivered himself:
"Mr. President rise to get up, and
am not backward to come forward in
the cause Of education, for had not
been for education, l shoulA, beas ig-
norant as you are, Mr.. President.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

l of which notice is given pursuant to law.
ll-3w j.. G. MURDOCH, Sheriff.
The Conservative. (M'connelsville, Ohio) 1866-1871, 1866-09-28

a MAN hanging is better than q yegabond-
10 has a visible means OF supports
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01
Singular Bridal story.

A strange story is told Of two sisters
at Berlin. About three years ago one
of these young ladies was engaged to
be married, but on the bridal morning
became so i'll that she could not posi-
bly, 20 to the church. The bridegroom
was a desirable enc, and he was fish
who, it seems, had not easily been
hooked. There was, therefore, great
danger in delay, SO instead of fpostpon
ing the marriage, the second sister,
covering herself up in a long veil, per.
sonated the first, and duly went through
the ceremony. The moment it. was
over she transferred the bridal dress
and ornaments to her sister, who was
thus considered TO have all proper
claim to this husband she married by
proxy 1t is only recently that q dis
covery has been made of the real facts,
and proceedings are about to be taken
not only in the civil but also in the
criminal courts of Berlin.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01
Josh BIIIInss on Americans.

Americans love caustick things;
they would prefer terpentine to CO.
lone water, if they had to drink ei-
ther.
So with their relish for humor; they
must have it on the half shell with cay
cnne.
An Englishman wants his fun smoth-
cred deep in mint paeee, and he is
willing 10 wait till next day before he
tastes it. .--t r~
II you tickle or convince an Ameri-
can you have got 10 do it quick.
An American loves tn laff, but no
don't luv to make q bizness Wv It;
he works, eats, and haw-haws on can
ter. .....-...-, .t.. ra.
l guess tho English have more wit,
and the Americans more humor.
We havn't had time yet TO bile
down our humor ard git the wit out Nv
it. la- lecd 3a8, ot.i
There il one thing hay noticed
everybody that writes expects to be
.wize or witty-so duz everybody cx-
poets to be saved when they 'dy; but
tbare is good reason tew believe that
the goats hereafter will be in the ma
jority just as the sheep are here.
\. Don't forget one thing, yu hav got
tcw be we before yu kan be witty;
aud don't forgit tno things, a single
paragraff has made snm men immor-
tai, while volume has bin wuss than
pile-driver tew others-but what,
would Americans dew if it want for
their sensations.
Sumthing new, something startling,
is necessary for us as q people, and II
don't make mutch matter what it is
"a huge defalkshun-a red elephant
or Jersee clans with pearls in them,
will answer, if nothing better offers.-
Saturday Press.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01

~ -
Last view % Mr.. LInesln's Rsmalas.
Tho vault recently constructed at.
Oak Ridge Cemetery, near Springfield,
Illinois, under the direction Of tho Ma
tiohal Monument Association, aud Ia
which the remains Of the lato President
we're removed a short time since, wag
visited fcw days ago by q Committee
Of the Association, consisting OF Gov.
-Oglesby, Hon Newton Batoman, and
Ex. Secretary Hatch, when the casket
containing the sacred ashes was open.
cd. and for tho last time were the foa-
tures Of the lamcnted Lincoln viewed
by mortal eyes The visit Of the Com.
mittee was an official one, and mado
in pursuance Of u resolution of - tho
Board of Directors of the Association,
The object being to enable them TO ccr-
tify to the actual presence Of the body
id the cashct. The face was examined
through the glass covering which un-
deriies tho outer strata Of the case. by
the several gentlemen above named.
and identified by each of them as that
Of the martyred President. Thc sad
ceremony ended. the lid was again
sealed with the signet Of the Associa-
ton. The great stone or slab was sub
sequently rolled to the door Of the, &C.
pulchre, and fitted into its place, tho
finishing stroke given, and the solid
masonry was in like manner as the
casket impressed with the great seal of
the corporation. The remains will
now rest unJi%turbcd till tho National
Monument shall be completed, when
they will be deposited in their final
resting place. The features of the do.
ceased were scarcely discernibIe, tho
embalmment seeming to have offered
but little, ifany resistance to the en-
croach ncnts of corruption, and the
piece of clay that once lived, and NOV
ed. and talked, and was known as
Abraham Lincoln, is being fast dissolv-
cd, ,rafter from rafter, and beam from
beam, and the PARTICLES ofwhich 1t was
compounded, are rapidly re-
turning to their original elements.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01

bein the last, they were on the top NV
the pile.
"Any quantity nv yoOr party es-
cape me, Them felIcrs who are yet
votin for Jackson LII never git, and
the most Nv them ez alluz votes un-
scratched tickets will dodge me-
Their innocence protects EN-. i. takes
q moderitly smart man to be vishus
enuff TO come to me--he hez to hev
sense cnuf to distinguish between
good and evil. cussidncss enuR to dc.
libcrately choose the latter, and brains
enuf 10 do sumthin startIin in that
line. Dan Voorhees, Of Injeany, hcz
a these qualities developed to a'de-
gree wich excites my profound respect.
Between him and Fernandy Wood its
nip and tuck. Fernandy did wickid
things with more noatnis than Voor.
hecs. but for actooal love uv dcoin
en-. Voorhees, beeis the world. se1p
continued he, athat the war wasn't Nv
nin, i' yo'oe ~ me. repeat Tit wuz
damage. Aforc the war, / he'd my
own way pretty much in the Southern
States. For every octoroon | Good
eoun on at least Two planters, and un.
der the patriarklc system of African
savcry, } wich by the way was one Of
mi most brilliant tOnceptioRs) octo-
rooms multiplied with a rapidity pleas.
in TO behold But now. alas. the octo.
room bizness is done and mi best holt
is gone. l hev some little hope, how.
ever. The Dimocrisy are dispIayin
q viggcr | didn't think they possessed.
Ef they kin only git strength cnufr to
elect the next President and re.estab.
lish slaveryl The thought fills me
with unutterable joy. The redoosin
NV the nigger TO bondage agin wood
give me clean title to every last one
who helped to do it, and in ri ten en-
back into their normal condishun (by
the way that's another phrase Of mine)
therd be enuff slaughterin and mur-
deis 10 satisfy several sich Satans ez |
am. I'd help en- ef / knOw'd how, but
| cant improve on either their speek.
crs or writer's, and ez long ez men will
do my work gratis don't SEQ the
yoose Nv interterin."
At this pint q couple Nv smaul imps
undertook to push me into the stream,
and in tho struggle | aw3ke. Ny
drcem wuz Der but the impreshun re-
maincd.s "Kin it be" unused | PEN
sively, that VIC are doin the devils
work, and are we to be finally reward
cd in the manner | saw in my vision?
Ef so. hedn't | better quit and re-
pcnt?" e-
But thought agin, that however is
mite be for younger men. it wood bo
Nv no yoose for me. l had votid the
strait ticket for thirty years, and the
ten or twelve years | he'd to live wuz
too short time in which to repent
successfully Nv sich iniquity. So sank
into sleep again, this time drcemin
that had turned Fenian-hed elected
myself He'd Center for the Stait nv
Kentucky, and wuz just investin $751;
600 in u magnificent plantashun.
PETROLEUM Y. Massey,
Lait Pastor NV the Church Nv the Moo
Dispensashun.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01
SuperlRtiVes.


Worst played.out man in the nation
james Buchanan.
Worst played-out woman Lucy
Stone.
Worst playcd-out word in the ver-
nacular-"chivalry."
Worst piayed-out phrase-"Statc
rights"
Worst played-out title-"mastcr."
Worst played-out song" "Tramp.
Tramp, Tramp"
Worst played out place-Stcvenson,
Alabama.
Worst playcd-out ncwspaper-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer.
Greatest literary bore in the nation
the editor of the indianapolis Her
aid.
Greatest political bore in the nation
-Garret Davis.
Greatest military bore in the nation
-Halleck.
Greatest humbug in tho nation-has-
ty Restoration" '1l'751 t''
Greatest traitor IN tho natlon-Jeff.
Davis.
Greatest demagogue in the nation
--thc man that wants him pardoned as
O "conciliatory measure"
The greatest outrage in the nation
leaving Union men, in the South, to
the "tender mercics" of the Southern
rebels, without military protection.
Greatest fool in the nation-the man
that cant see it, largo Eethti-.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01

Day BEAN SoUP.-Takc quart Of
nice beans, and put them to boil by 8
o'clock. or 8 O'Clock at least, then wash
a Joint of pork, that is after mostof the
meat is used off; put it in at half.past
0 o'clock, and at IL o'clock add some
corn dumplings; don't forget to salt
them, and to add some red pepper
Boil until done, and you will have a
dinner ft for king. IT one of your
noighbors should happen to drop in
about dinner timc, ask him to stay,
and try your soup, for it don't cost
you much To make it.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01
CHEERFUL.

Artemus Ward, in describing his
journey from California, says: The
driver with whom l sat outside inform
ed me, as we slowly rolled down the
fearful mountain road which looks
down on either side into an appalling
ravine, that he has met with accidents
in his time and cost the California
Stage Company great deal of money,
because says he, .jurics is agin us on
principle, and every man who sues us
is sure to recover. But it will never
be so agin, not with me, you betr How
is that?' said. 1t was frightfully
dark 1t was showing withal. and,
notwithstanding the brakes were kept
bard do Tn, the coach slowed wildly,
often fairly touching tho brink of the
black precipice. How is that? 1
said. Why, you sce,' he replied, that
corpscs never sue tor damages, but
manned people do. And the next time
l have an Overturn, l shall go round
and keerfulIy examine the passengers,
Them as is dead | shall let alone; but
them as is mutilatcd 1 shall finish with
the king. bolt Dead folks don't sue.
They amt on it. Thus, with anoc-
dote, did this driver cheer me up" .
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01

To MAKE INDIAN PUnDING.-For q
family of six, take two quarts of boil'
ing milk, stir in two cupfuls ofIndian
meal, handful of flour, two teaspoon
fuls Of salt, one.half cup of molasses,
three pints sliced apples, and quarter
of pound Of fat pork. Bake threo,
hours. 1t is good enough for tho Pres
ident. Try it, all ye lovers Offarmer's
fare. .
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01

CURE FOR BuRNs.-Apply kerosene oil
to burn and it will take out the fro,
and prevent bl;stering if applied i'm
mediately. If the burn is bad, keep
cotton wool saturated with the oil on il,
until it's done smarting.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01

pN. The estate Of the latc Stephen
A. Douglas, which was largely insol-
vent at the time Of his death, has by
the appreciation ofreal estate, during
the war, sold for cnongh TO pay all his
debts and leave a handsome surplus
for his heirs.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01

less, upon deliberate consideration by
the people, il shall receive the sane.
ton OF an enlightened public judge
ment.
lSigncd] ANDREW JOHNSON.
Washington, February 10, 1866.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-01
"Learning by study mast lie won;
sTyas ne'er entailed from sire 10 son.

Learn now that DR.. D. II. SeoIye's
LIQUID CATARRH REMEDY viii
pcrmar emily cure the disease even in
its worst form. For sale by all drug
gists. as,
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-08
Died of Grief.

4 touching incident is related as having
occurred in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, lately.
About two years ago Mr. Strausburg pur-
chased for his child, six years of age, ma
med Willie, a young Newfoundland dog,
also called Willie. The two became We
ry much attached. About two months
ago the dog was run over by the team of
Mr.. S. and injured so seriously that it
was found necessary to kill him. The
grief Of the child was inexpressible. He
cried necessarily, and called continually
for his companion. The father to quiet
his grief, had the dogs hide stuffed, but
it satisfied the child only for a day. Ev-
cry effort was made to allay the little fel-
lows sorrow, but without avail, and in
about week he died from pure grief.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-08
Too Sharp.

An amusing incident is told of wo
man in England, whose husband, a
wealthy man, died suddenly, without
leaving any will. The widow, desrous OF
securing the whole of the property, con
cealed her husbands death, and pcrsuad
ed shoemaker to take his place while a
will could be made. Accordingly he was
closely muffied in bed, as if very sick, and
a lawyer was called in to write the will.
The shoemaker, in feeble voice be-
queathed half of all the property to the
widow "What shall be done with the
remainder 2" asked the lawyer "The
remainder" replied he, 81 give and be,
queath to the poor little shoemaker across
the street, who has always been a good
neighbor and deserving man. The
widow was .hunderstruck with the man $
audacous cunning, but did not dare ex-
pose the fraud, and SO two roSpes shared
the estate.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-08

The wife OF returned soldier gave
birth to three beautiful boys" recent
y, in Brooklyn. just think of it,-and
all doing well! Three beautiful boys =
Oh, happy mother Oh. more happy
father! oh, overjoyed brethren and Sis
ters if any there are. How they will
want to peep under the coverlet of the
bed to take look at the three tiny little
heads all laid in a row. How they will
want to look down into the six twinkling
little eyes-some blue, some black, per-
haps. And their sweet little mouths,
and dainty little noses - three noses,
three mouths and six earsl And their
little feet-six stumpy little feet, with
such wee bits Of little toes. And when
all are asleep, and some noisy rag man
comes along shouting r-a-g-s-r-ag 5! a
waking one, which cries and awakes an
other, and then the two crying awakes
the third, and then all crying together
won't the brothers and sisters have jolly
fun to hear them all crying together?-
Three beautiful little boys and all at
once!
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-08
Mrs. Partington on Fashion.

"There is one thing sure" said Mrs
Darlington, "the females of the present
regeneration are heap more independ
eut than they used to be. Why, l saw 9
gal go by to- day that know belongs tC
the historical class of society, with hei
dress all tucked up to her knee, her hail
all buzzled up like as if she hadn't had
time to comb it in a week, and one oI
her grandmother's caps, in an awfuI
crumpled condition, on her head. Why,
laws, honey, when | was gal if any oi
the fellows came along when | had my
clothes tucked up that way, and my head
kivered with an old white rag, | would
run for dear life, and hide out Of sight. :
Well, well, the gals were then innocent,
unconfscated creatures; now they are
what the French call blazes E"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-08
I'D gONSUMEsTEyES,

The advertiser, having been restored TO
health in a few weeks, by very simple rem
edy, after having suffered several years with
severe lung affection, and that dread di-
sease- Consumption-is anxious TO make
known to his fcllow-suferers the means OF
cure.
To all who desire it, he will send copy
of the prescription used Gree of charge, with
the directions for preparing and usRg the
same, which they Will find a sure cure for
COysUMPTIoN, ASTHMA, BRONCHITIS, COLDS,
CoUGHs, and all Throat and Lung Affec-
tions. The only object of the advertiser in
sending the Prescription is TO benefit the
afflicted, and spread information which he
conceives to be invaluable and he hopes
every sufferer will try his remedy, as it viii
cost them nothing, and may prove blessing.
Parties wishing the prescription will
please address
Rev. EDWARD 4. WILSON,
Williamsburgh,
Kings County,
New York
January 4, I666.-1y.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-08
Character.

y misstep may destroy life. One sin
may ruin your character Did YOU ever
reflect on the consequences of a single in
dulgence in vice? The best men have
fallen through the suggestions of another.
How careful should you be, while in the
freshness Of your days lest blight fall on
your character and ruin you forever. -
Abstain from the appearance of evil. IF
invited to places of resort, where it is diff
hcult to decide, take the safe course. STAY
away and save your reputation. This is
a jewel Of inestimable value-too precious
to be put in jeopardy. No man ever re-
grets that he kept aloof from temptation,
and to the close of life he expresses his
JOY that he was saved from a path of
shame by giving decided negative,
when the voice of pleasure beekoued him
on. BE DECIDED and you will be safe.
Yield and you may be lost. Watch with
diligence, and guard every avenue thro'
which sin may reach you. In no other
way will you be sure to overcome the
evil Of the world.