The Van Buren press., 1866-02-10
How Joe Won the Pencil.

Joe b is QuCStionabIy the hand
soonest married man of Cincinnati. Joe
sports wife, besides several other creature
comforts. Well, he and his wife, Harry
- and George and their wives all
board at the same house. \ day or two
ago, while they were at the table luxuriat-
ing on detached portions Of boiIded tur-
key, with oysters, the conversation turned
on christian names, when Mrs, Harry. CON
tended that she could name more dstin-
guished individuals who bore the name of
Harry than any gentleman could Of his
own name, and concluded 10y Offering a
gold pencil as a wager against a suitable
equivalent il she should win.
The trial commenced Harry start.
ed off with " Harry of the West" adding
dozen others
George now gathered up on Wash
ington, the four Georges OF England, Lord
George of france, etc.
"Now, Mr.. John, what have you to
say ?" asked the charming Mrs. Harry.
"Oh can give you Il hundred. The
two Adams, Lord John Russell, John Ty-
leg, John-John--brng me some water
John
"Stop, stop you cant win. Mr.. Jo-
seph, your turn comes nsw, " continued the
laughing little woman.
Now, if ever bashful man lived it is
friend Joe. He dared not look up, He
had been rackng his brain for an answer,
but to no purpoSe-and in dispair he made
one grand effort, ana, raising his head, re-
piled
MY dear madam, | have lost. can
not think of any rery distinguished man
who ever bore the name Of Joseph, except
the gentleman we read about in sacred
scrpture-he who was such iavorite of
Mrs. Potiphar-but | will not offer him,
for / think he wos He-est fool that / erer
did hear Of"
" Here's the pencil" said Mrs Harry,
tossing it over " him, as she and the other
ladies scud ont the door.
ES" A yankee lawyer who was pleading
the cause of littlc boy, took him up in
his arms and held him to the jury, sutiused
in tears This had great effect until the
opposite lawyer asked the boy ".What
makes you cry ?" A" He's pinching me, !"
said the boy.
re-" a western editor complains that his
poverty was nearly exposed to the world,
A pickpocket relieved him of his purse,
but unexpectedly and considerably refrain
ed from saying anything about its con-
tents.
Is- Arabella-" Now, Charley, dear, do
have little courage when have pow.
der to take don't like it any better than
you do but make up my mind to take it,
and do it,"
Charley" And %hen | have powder
to take, may up my mind that | won't
take it, ana DON'T
Esy" If the vile of a Japanese don't suit
him, he can send her back to her parents
and try again. That is to say, all wives
are warranted in Japan.
re- A fellow being awakened by the
clerk of a steamer, was told that he must
not occupy the berth with his boots on.
lie very CONSIDERABLY replied, "Oh, the
bugs won't hurt EN-, | guess they are an
old pair"
Es- Why was Herod's wife like Fe.
man organization a.? Because she had a
head sent her (head contre).
EF- The character of an upright man is
like pair Of boots, The more you black
it the more it shines
Ey" Prentice says bone Of contention
should be thrown away when there is nc
longer any meat on it,
Tss" Few secrets would ever escape if the
following rules were complied with Never
conhde in the young; new pals leak
Never tell your secrets to the aged ole
doors seldom shut close.
Ey" An editor a. dinner table being
asked if he would take some pudding, re-
piled in tit Of abstraction: "Owing tc
to the crowd Of other matter, we are una
bic to find room for it.