The Iowa transcript. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1858-1866, 1866-04-04

house with good lawyer TO back him. The
motto in this case is never to arbytrate
no.hin' but a bad case, and take good law
yer's advice and pay him for it before you dc
that.
But got Fretman-I didn't, but my law
yer Marks did. Fretman was askool teach.
er, who had gone round my naborhood with
his skool articles, and put down for Trour
and Calhoun to 60, and intended to send
seven or eight more if he proved himself
right. soon found that the little nulliier
wasent believin' in anything and on inquiry
| found that Nutmeg was givin' powerful
long recesses, and was employin' his time
chiefly IN carryin' on with tolerablc-s lied
femail gal that was goin' to him. Troup
said he heard the gal squeel Aissclf one day,
and he kn0wed Fretman was squeezin' Of
her. l dident mind our boys squeezin'
Of the Yankey gals, but III be blamed if the
Yankeys shall be squeezin' Of ours. So
got mad and took the children away. AT
the end of the term, Fretman sued me for
eighteen dollars, and hired cheap lawyer
to collect it.
Before this time, had learned some sense
about lawyer, SO hired good one, and
spread my pockct-book down before him and
told him to take what would satisfy him.
AHu HC luhs Olu O8Vy Wd6 luc JUSTICE.
Marks made the opening speech, TO the
be able to illustrate his trade, and he there
fore proposed to put Mr.. Fretman on the
stand and spell him. This motion was fout
hard, but it agreed with old Phips notion of
"high justice" and "sense Of right" and
says he: Mr.. Fretman, you will have to
spell" Marks then swore him, that he would
give true evidence in this case, and that he
would spell every word in Daniel Webster
spellin' book correctly, to the best--of his
knowledge and belief, 80 help him, S.. i
saw that he was tremblin' all over like a
cold wet dog.
Says Marks, "Nr. Fretman, spell 'tis-
ick;'" well, he spelt it, putting ph, and a
tn, and gh, and q zh, and don't know
what all, and thought he was gone up the
first pop, but Marks said it was right. He
then spelt him right straight along on all
sorts of big words and little words, and long
words and short words, and afterwards, and
he knowed 'em ALL till finally Marks says !:
Now, sur, spell 'ompompynusuk.' Fret
man drawed o long breath, and said it was
not in the book. Marks proved it was BY an
old preacher who was sitting by, and old
Phil spoke up with power, and says: "Mr
Fretman, you must spell it, sur" Fretman
was sweatin' like a run down filly. He
took one pass at it, and failed.
"You can come down, sur" said Marks,
"you've lost your case" and shure enough,
old Phil gave verdict against him, like
darn. ,t@
Marks was whale in his way. And at
that same court he was about to nonsuit
doctor because he didn't have his diplomy,
and the doctor begged the court for time to
60 home after it. He rode several miles AMI
back as hard as he could lick it, and when
he handed it over to Marks very triumphant
ly. Marks says: "Now, sur, you will take
the stand and translate this Latin into Eng
lish, so that the court may understand it."
Well, he just caved, for he couldent do it..
He lost his case in two minets, for the old
squire said that doctor who couldn't read
his own diplomy, had no more right to prac-
tice than magistrate who couldn't read the
license had to join two couple together.
This is warnin' to all professional men to
understand their bizness, and the moral Of
the case is, that . man ought not to be
squeezin' the gals when anybody can see
him. But don't want it understood that
I'm agin it on proper occasions and in
proper manner. There amt no squeezin'
necessary.
But must close this brief epistlc,
Yours truly, BILL ARP.