Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1866-02-06
Why is a married manlike candle? Be-
ause he goes out at night when he ought not


is worth more than the body.
Ann Story was married to Bob Short. Al
very pleasant way of making story short. :: ::
If all the worlds a stage, and mon and
women merely players, where are the audience
and orchestra to come from?
1t seems that lawyer is something of
carpenter; he Can file bill. split hair, make
an entry, get up case, frame an indictment,
cmpanel u jury and put them in box, nail
witness, hammer judge, bore court, and
other like things.
She who makes her husband and children
happy, who reclaims the one from vice and
trains up the other to virtue, is much greater
character than ladies described in romance,
whose occupation is to murder mankind with
shafts from the culver of thcil eyes.
"A spanish gentleman studying English in
Bridgeport, Conn, being at the tea table and
desiring to be helped to some sliced tongue
in doubt as to the term, hesi,ated moment,
and then said: II will thank you, Miss, to
pass me the 6GnguGJe!"
A traveller stopped at an inn to breakfast,
and having drank u cup of what was given to
him. the servant asked ''What will you take,
sir, tea or coffee?" "That depends upon cir
cumstances," was the reply; if what you gave
me last was tea, want coffee; if it was coffee,
l want tea; 1 want change"
"A retiring Western editor says "that all
is vanity" From the hour he started his pa
per to the present time, he has been solicited
t. lie unon every given subject, and can't re-
member ever having told a wholesome truth
without diminishing his subscription list, or
making an enemy. Under these crcum>
stnces of trial, and having thorough con-
tempt for himself, he retires in order to recruit
his moral constitution"
An attorney-at-law who wished to show
his smartness by quizziug an old farmer from
the interior of New Jersey, began by asking
him if there were many girls in his neighbar-
hood
Yes" replied the old man, ''thcre's
| dreadful sight of 'em-So many that there
amt half enough respectable husbands for 'em
all and some of 'em are beginning to take up
with lawyers" The attorney didn't follow
up the subject.
The man every body likes is generally a
fool. The man nobody likes is generally a
knave. The man who has friends vino would
die for him, aud foes who would love to see
him broiled alive, is usually a man of some
worth and fnrce.
None of us are either so much praised or so
much censurcd as VIC think; and most men
would only rehearse their own funeral, and
walk abroad incognito after their supposed
| burial
The pebbles in our path weary us and make
us footsOre more than the rocks.
LosT.-A Re"ivalist, looking for recruits,
found large-sized African, and asked him:
''Have you found the Lord?'
ANSWER oily, masser, is de Lord lost!'
you stop crying and go to sleep? What 90
you wamt?'
give got the beller-ache-that's what
want"
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE-'Mary,' said a
grand daughter, ''what do YOU call that ugly
bunch that hangs down behind your head:''
''Why, grandmother, everybody knows it is a
waterfall "A waterfall, indeed! replied
the old lldy ''It looks for all TIE world like Il
'and slice "
NoBcDY Must GIVE VINO CAN'T PAY
HIS DEETs.-A shrewd peeacher, after an
o Iuent charity sermon, said to his hearers:
Il am atrid. from the sympathy di> pllyed In
your countenances, that some Of you may give
too much. caution You, therefore, that Y, u
should be just before you are generous; and
wish you to understand that | desire no one
who cannot pay his debts to put anything in
the plate" The collection was rare one.
DEF1NITIoNs-The publishers of that
''Great Unabridged" Iumbuy called Web
sters Dictionary have been adding new words
to 1t and among others this:
"COPPERUEAD.-AN Northern sympathizer
with rebellion"
Very good, Mr.. Yankee Sku!k. Here $
another lot that you can adj to YOUR Humbu":
LOYAL LEAGUE.-An association ofnorth-
ern skulks to support the business of stealing
negroes at the South.
PATRIOT AT HoME.-A man who is in
favor of the war, but sknks the draft by
draft on his neigbor's pocket.
MEMENToEs.-SiIk dresses and jewellery
stolen from seccsh women and sent home to
your wife.
TRoPuIEs.-Books captured from South
ern Preachers library and presented to North.
crn Preacher engaged in dving Divine Pro
violence on slavery LrGdnn Union.
THE THIEF's PLEA -"Well, SIR" said
police magistrate to prisoner charged with
stealing, lit appears to me that I've seen YOU
before. Your face looks very familiar Have
you been here bctore?"
eyes sir"
GLOW many times!?"
''Not over dozen"
"Ah! you old rogue. thought so. Weren't
you before me once for stealing shawl?"
''Ycs sir"
'And watch?"
81 remember something about it."
"And breast-pin?"
81 shouldn be surprised"
"And number of pairs of boots?"
81 do rccOllect that time"
Aud some pieces Of silk from linen-dra>
cr. if | am not mistaken"
"Well, you amt"
"And an old gentle'nan's portmantcau?"
81 hats so, your worship"
And on one occasion barrel of ale?"
"O"iy once"