The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1866-08-15
From the Sixpenny Magazine
THE IRON CROSS.
A Woman's Confession.

" believe that | ever looked like this
i, an old, sad woman, who looks
longingly to the time when the places
| have known shall know me no
more. And yet I, even I, was young
and lovely once. All mel how long
it seemsl Long ago, longer than to
most women, for the blight fell upon
me soon, and / count nearly all my
years by my sorrows.
l was born by the seashore, that
same everlasting flood upon whose
waters | can look out from my win
dows now, and to whose roar | listen
as write. My father was wealthy,
and | was raised in the lap of luxury.
He died when / was ten years old,
and most needed his care. | wish he
had lived. He might have made me
a better woman, and the story of my
life might have been different. He
died, L have said, when | most need
ed his care, and | was left alone with
my mother. She was not fit for the
charge conided to her. She was
weak and giddy, and she reared
me in her notions of fashion and
folly / do not blame her that my
life has been so sad for it was in
my power to change it, but | would
not. | grew up beautiful, fascinat-
ing, fashionable women, and was
greatly admired. You would not.
think it, know, look at me now; but
it is SO. When | was grown, I made
the discovery that my fathers li.--zss...
rious style of living had greatly di-
minished his fortune, and the persist
ency with which my mother elung to
her accustomed mode of life, made
fearful inroads upon the rest, A few
years at the farthest would exhaust it.
[ spoke of this to my mother, and she
acknowledged it, but declared her in
ability to help it. In less than year
she died; and oh, such fearful death!
/ shudder when | think of it, though
it was years ago, and [ seem to hear
her last words to me even yet
" Nellie, never marry a poor man.
Make rich match"
1t needed not my mothers wish to
confirm me in my desire to contract
rich marriage, for | had determined
to adopt the plan as the only means
by which | could escape from the
doom of poverty which | saw hanging
over me- / had not the moral courage
to face it, and / resolved to fly from
it; but / little dreamed of the struggle
that was in store for me.
When [ was child, my only play
mate was boy few years older than
myself. He was named Walter
Gwynne, and was the son of neigh
Dor. Walter and [ had been play
mates and schoolmates together. He
had carried me in his arms often, and
used to call me his little pet. As we
grew up, our childish affection
strengthened, and when we became
man and woman, we loved each other
with a love that could not die. We
were never pledged to each other, but
/ knew his heart and he knew mine.
When my mother died, Walter was
very good to me. 0, never had /
loved him so we'll as [ did thenl In
my gratitude gave him relic that
had belonged to my father, and begged
him to keep it for my sake Tt was a
small curiously worked cross of iron,
and bore this inscription in German,
Il gaze gold for iron, 1873" 1t was
one of the famous iron crosses that
were bestowed by the King of Prussia
in the war against Napoleon, and had
been conferred for merit on my grand
father. 1t had never been in unwor-
thy hands, and l gave it to Walter,
as he was the only one / knew who
merited it; but | did not think then
that my hand would indeed lay upon
him cross of iron never to be laid
down.
| was deeply attached to my mother,
and mourned for her sincerely; but
this was not my greatest sorrow. A
heavier grief came upon me-one for
which | alone was responsible, it is
true, but which was none the easier to
bear on that account
/ had resolved on marrying a rich
man, as my own fortune would not
last much longer, and / was firm in
my determination. I loved Walter
Gwynne with my whole heart, but he
was poor, and / knew would have a
hard struggle in life; and I had not
the courage to face the world with
him. / hated myself for my weak
ness, and would have given worlds to
have been his wife; but | had not the
moral strength to make the trial. It
was wicked, | know; but | have suf-
fered for it since, and if sorrow can
atone for sin, then have | paid the
utmost penalty.
A few weeks after my mothers
death, Walter walked with me down
to the rocks that lined the sea-shore.
1t was one of our favorite strolls, and
it was the first time since my bereave-
ment that we had been together for
more than a few minutes at time.
He spoke to me about my future life,
and asked me what [ would do. |
told him that | did not know; that
my future was shrouded in mystery
and doubt. a.Hea- iutT.. .i''f 70.
81 have thought of this great
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