The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-05-24
NAsBY.


Johnson, Secretary Seward, Senators
Doolittle and Lane, etc, perhaps un =.
Justly SO. But tits too juicy produc,
ton to be kept from our readers.
NIr. Nasty Dreams a Dream or
the Steps OF the White House.
CpNFEDRT X ROADS, (wich
is in the Stait OF Kentucky)
April 30, 1866
I've bin to Washington. That Abb
lishun Postmaster at the Corners he'd
become to me o nitemaro. Day after
day seed him handIin guvment mon
ey, drawin his salery promptly and
taken his drinks reglefly, while |, n
Constooshnef Dimekrat, a supporter
NV our great and good President, wus
forced to the humilashun Nv waitin till
| wuz treated. ceptin when new gro
Gerry keeper cum in, which gave me a
chance to establish credit for short
time. / felt that sumthin must be
done, and, therefore, l went to Wash
ington.
KNOWN that for men Nv my pro
found coEvicksbins, holdin my views
ez to consiliashen, and sish, / he'd no
call to 20 to the Postmaster General
who is a Ablishnist. went dreckly
to the Second Jaxor hisself. | sue.
ceeded in gettin oidiance late in the
afternoon. Our patron saint wuz a
sittin alta table egsaustcd with receiv>
in delegashens and sich.
"Well p. .sed be.
"Honerd and spected sir" said I, II
am a applicant for the post orfs at
Confedrit X Roads, wich is at present
held by a Ablishnist who does not be.
lecvc in your policy, wich I do believe
in solcmnly. Spected and honerd sir, !"
scd |, "ef | shood have twins born to
me this mite l shood name EN- both
Policy"
(Which State are you from?' sed he
half asleep.
"From Kentucky, honerd and spec
ted sir" sed l.
"Well," sed he, yawnin feerfully,
and turnin to clerk, "FILI OUT PAR
DON AND GIVE HIM A COMMISSION -
"lIonerd and spected sir" sed l,
in fit oc loonacy Tor which l can't ac-
count, "I don't need a pardon. l wuz
never in the late amented Confedrit
servis."
"What'n thunder then 700 here for
begin post orfs? Git out, 700 i'm
poster" and | wuz too wunst ingomin-
iously showed to the door. l didn't
quite understand the lay NV the land
around tho white House.
In vane tried to get back that /
might convince him l did ez much for
the Confederasy and needed consillia,
tin ez badly ez anybody. Then hart
broke and dead broke, not heving the
wherewith to prokoor moro sootable
lodgin, 1 lay me down on the cold stun
steps and sought refuge from my
troubles in sleep.
dreamed dream. Methawt wuz
in room in the White House
Stretched out on one side NV the room
wuz the corpse Nv q giant, monster
in size and strength, but withal Nv a
pcasin presence and fair to look upon.
Onto its head was liberty cap, and
by its side wuz a sword considerably
dinted, and with all the gildn knock
ed off.
"Wat is these,' sed l, pointin to the
corpse, Nv sort NV attendant
"Them," replied be, sis the defunci
carcass NV Rcpubikinism. He was a
hefty yooth in his day, but he died
this mornin. Look the mourners are
q comm to divide his clothes"
And shoor enutf they camc in. At
the head wuz the second Jaxon, which
the Ablishnists derisively call Moses,
who appeared to be angry; and clost
behind him wuz Seward a weepin out
NV one eye and smilin out Nv tother,
and Jim Lane who he'd handkerchief
wich he occasionally put to his eyes,
but wch notist wuz ez dry ez lime
kiln, and Doolttlo and Lee and Ray
mond and Boregard and Corwin and
Stevens and Thurlow Weed and Val
landigham and Gov. Sbarkey and
host Nv others, all NV wich ranged
themselves around the bier
"Ho wuz a promisin yooth," sed
Seward, a putin his handkerchief to
his eyes, "but the atmosphere NV the
White House wuz too much for him.
| insist however" sed he, q pocketin
the handkerchief and takin hold Nv a
trinkct the corpse held in his hand
labelled presidency, 1865, from witch
hung morn q million NV smaller trink-
cts, "that ez twas me that piSened
him, this is NINE" .as $. ..,
mary" scd Johnson, al did the
biziness for him and it's mine"
"Settle it cz 700 please" sed Ray,
mond, gently, but whoever gifts it must
remomber that this Secretaryship is
mine" ... st..,..
"And:I," sed Doolittlc, "must hev
for my assistance, this little affair
marked St. James, for my seat in the
SENT is goner." ....,-.
"For my part" ted Jim Lane, "iho
western appointments is mine. Its
worth EN- all to wear this collar"
"My friends" sed Stephens, II find
no amnesty about the corpse! There
must be one manufactured and stuck
in his pocket to bo prodOost at the iu.
neral" ''.' a.i "'
Thurlow Weed sed nothin, but look
ed on with a sardonic smile, KNOWN
perfeckly we'll that whoever took the