Clarksville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1865-1867, 1866-04-06
BnECnER AND HIS AUCTIONS.

BEECHER AND HIS AUCTIONS.
Once a year the Brooklyn searchers af
ter things spiritual attend the great cheap
Jack institution presided over by ono
Henry whose other name is Ward Beech
err, and vie with each other in bidding for
font seats, side seats, cushioned seats,
and standing places in Plymouth Theatre.
A poor man has no show of getting
ticket for glory from the great Beecher,
Unlike Christ, there is price, anda d.
ickens of price, to his christianity. 1t
costs money to get to heaven via Brook
Ign. Poor folks that is poor white folks,
never will have their heavenly baggage
checked from Beecher's station. Home
spun, sleeps grey and plain calico are not
the apparel for Brooklyn. Beecher has
ten thousand dollars year for conduct
ing his opera. It is the only theatre or
\ niger show in the country which pays
mo license and stock therein must pay
large earthly, if not 30 much of king
Rom come dividend.
The seats are sold there each year to
De- highest bidders, and the chief bidders
x4le those who have no time to pray and
their worship by contract or by past
Big copy Of the Lords prayer on the
cad board, writing "them's my senti-
nents'' underneath, and after nod in
that direction, pop into bed as a frog goes
Into pond when a boy sings rocks at
/ the head of the watery ''greenback."
|, The auctioneer arrives, fresh from the
Club Rooms, and at once begins:
"Now ladies. and gents, what am Of
! fered for choice of pews in this temple Of
!. Christianity? Talk fast for time is cash.
Choice of pews, remember. Select which
l. one you please. Am offered two thous
hundred-eighteen hun
n dfed-seventeen hundred dollars year
FOR the choice of pews to hear the god
like Beecher, once week for 6'ty two
weeks? Remember gents that he spouts
fk'timate and penultimate religion. That
NE Niscourses on Bible, niger, the twelve
cspostles including old John Brown, states
n manship, baptism, repentance, loyalty
\, that he denounces the devil, copperhead-
ism, poverty and all such crimes Six
teen hundred will you make it for choice
pf pows. Too bad, gentlemen Not even
sixteen humid, ed dollars a year Why,
fellow christians if you own pew here
I you can go to theatres, operas, horse races,
pretty waiter girl saloons, faro banks and
perhaps the devil And you can buy
and sell gold, and stocks, and contraband
cotton. You can keep handsome hired
girl, indulge in wine suppers and enjoy
christianity hugely. Will you say fifteen
hundred fourteen = thirteen = twelve
hundred-and down she goes to Deacon
Z Goldfish for twelve hundred. Brethren
let us pray. a."t ..s ....
4 "Now gents what do / hear for the Sec
ond choice just as good seat as the
6rstI Take your pick Who'll give two
Tthousand2 Remember that, whatsoever
gives to the poor lends to the Lord! Will
you make it nineteen hundred eighteen
shundred--and no poor people allowed in
The pew--experienced sexton--knows his
business. You want a choice pew to ex-
hibit your patent feathers, your frs, your
broad cloth, silks and satins of your wife
and plaids of your children. Come gents
choice of seats to Beecher's bazaar-wil
you make it seventeen--sixteen - fiecr
4 hundred dollars? Come to the centre, yor
sold Spectators, oil dealers, stock brokers
cotton thieves, Office holders, loyal people
and nabobsl Bid lively. keep out the
poor, for Beechers heaven is n peculiar
institution, where angels wear white silk
/ garments with fesh-colored stockings, low
necked dresses and frizzled hair. AL
right--sold at fifteen hundred.
Niger churshs at the FIVE pc mt, will dc
for poor pcople-this is for the rich anc
loyal exclusively. There was time wher
people worshipped God--not the man
WArn they prayed from their hearts, no
with lying lips! When the professors o
Z religion lived lives of goodness and not o
\ dissipation, extravaganza and reckcssness
When tho dim old aisles of the fores
Z rang with the anthoms" of those who DO
lioved in God and the Redoemer as
means Of grace rather than cloak fo'
deviitry. There was time when Christi
anity meant something-when the law
weye honOred--when extravaganza did no
sv take the rites of burial in its clink.
gr&lp-when religion was devotion in
st<xA of an art. We believe in that reli
ficn watch seeks God in lowliness of spir
TX nd not in that brats mounted, silver
D MA&6d style which draws to the ehurc'
| {o9F with a niger and keeps privat
d Htss as billiard player does his cue, t,
B3 - tho sacrament from. If Christ shoul
sSS6e IN again, not one out Of ten Of thes
Y ~ Asstooratc professors Of religion
NA,Xppp GALLON His mother during her sta
s<tiH dhe stable where the infant Jesus firs
\ sAw'qight, for fear Of loosing o'ste. w
f1jif.belfve in religion, but not in this pom
N and 'Ghtter--th auction Goldfish aristocrs
isyey style La Crosse Democrat.
earn Lord SALISBURY, on one occasion