davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29


The President and the Secretary of State
propose to visit Chicago ere long for the mr..
pose of doing honor to the memory of Stephcn
A. Douglas. Mr. johnson, when the late Mr.
Douglas was his contemporary, believed in the
breckenridge doctrine, and Mr.. Seward at the
same time was q radical opponent of popular
or squatter sovereignty. Now it is coming to
pass that both these gentlemen are going to
lay tribute wreath on the tomb of their old
enemy. Mr.. johnson will throw down his
Breckenridge theories as modified by his war
record during the Rebellion, and as subsequent
ly resurrected and reconstructed into Estate
Rights: Mr.. Seward, having turned his radi-
loltlly on the base Of the Douglas monument
There are intimate friends Of "the Little Giant;
to whom such performance will be ANYTHING
but pleasant-Gen. Jno. A. Logan, for in,
stance.
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29
POETRY
CELIBATE'S S0LILo0UY.

10 'oed, or not to wedl That is the "onest;on" "
Whether it's well for bach. to suffer
The pecuIiarities of single life,
VI take loving damsel to the parsons
And stand the consequences To eat, to sleep,
No more? Aye, there is much more!
Even thousand unnatural "bonnets,"
Besides all the responsibilities"
That flesh is heir to. IT'S a consummation
Which won't pay expenses. To eat, to sleen-.
10 sleep: ferchance to wake-aye, there's the rubl
70 In that "sleep, "socaed, what SQUALLS NAV co,no
when we have shuffled off our pantaIoons.
10 get up IN the cold! "That's what's the mattern
" nat makes US leave Interesting widows.n
For who would bear an old bachelors woes
N, ma'denly revenge (thO eOquette's deviltry),
Inc Pangs of desPised love, "your owns" deloy
certain hints from the old folks, and the spurns
inat pdtienf merit at last gets-from the girl,-
when he might his-stOrekeeper please
by gcuing married? Who would bcpet "ioks."
And nothing else"-by ''single. .distrss..Jno.,
but that the dread of something-or other
IN the state OF matrimony (from whose bourne
mo bachelor returns) ties the tongue.
ana makes us rather bear the ills we have
nan ny 70 others that we know not of"
Thus "conscience' doth make us bacbelo.s al L.-.
AND thus the native hue-of greenness
RlPens to the golden lustre of rich tbouobt
And Hlrtations of"great pith" in the single
barrel OF life "go down." and thence mav "pon"-
But Heoer touch "the question"
-BLUNDERBUss.
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

The EXTRA Bounty There appears to ba
great trouble at Washington about the eYtro
bounty recently voted to the soldiers bv Con.
gresS. The Paymaster- General reports that
ne receives fifteen hundred applications for this
bounty, per day, but is unable to do anything
more than file them away for future reference,
as there are not any funds in the Treasury NOT
already appropriated, and the Special Commits
sion having the subject of the payment of the
extra bounty under consideration, have not vet
reported. 1t is the opinion in the Paymaster
Generals Department that these claims cannot
be adjusted for some months yet, and, in fact,
no form of application has been devised by the
Department. This being the case soldiers can
gam nothing by haste, but when the exact ope-
ratlon OF the law is ascertained by the Commits
sion having the matter in charge, and Announce
ed to the public, as it no doubt will be, thew
can act more intelligently than now upon the
subject ct-Ledger.
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29
The Work of Congre~s

rs the Democratic organs throughout tbe
country are labOrlng to create the immersion
Illat some vast work of mischief was wrnm,,bt
Dy Congress at It's last session, we wish to nmt
on ~ record In brief what it really did r''
inns Republican Congress reduced the do
ireStlc taxes to the extent of seventy-ive mil
mons OF dollars per annum.
IL provided for the gradual reduction of tbe
great volume OF paper currency, at q certain
HAeu raCe, SO that huanclcrs and business men
Hight Know how to calculate the future and b,.
IoAeVeu vi al danger OF commercial crash
oi account OF the contraction of the currency.
1t provided for the protection of tb, reveSno
IRON foreign imports, by more stringent enact
ments to guard against systematic undervalna-
ton, through which the Treasury has been do
trauded OF countless millions of dollars.
:. IL secured equality before the law to all
citizens OF the United States of every race and
coior' under the protection Of the national 0ov
erniheht and made every native born adult a
national citizen. "'' .
II furnished ample protection for the freed
men against their late masters and their assooi
aCes, In the enjoyment of all their rights
secured homestead to all settler, ON the
public lands in the Gulf States under the no.
tOnal laws, and SO provided tor the moor whites
ana blacks OF the South future of their own
hoped for. ''0 0''0i"'Se
1t reduced the number of Supreme Court
judges by gradual process.
1t secured the e lection of United States SEN
atOrs against the future action of factions mi
nOrities ''iOu' MI
IL admitted the reconstructed State of Ten
hessee I, under circumstances which point out
the way in which other reconstructed states
may return to their old places in Congress.
=, IL restricted the standing army to not moro
than nifty thousand men, against the urgent
= appeals OF all who wanted force of one 6nn.
urea and seventy-seven thousand.
doubtless it has done some things which
might Judlci9usly have been let alone. for ali
Jtongresses otale do that; but for what is stated
aeoYe az M i deserves and will receive the thanks
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

while in the hands of an adept If has oaonor
exceeded sixteen shots per minnie In tbo 10
port Just received Of a recent trial in EnrlonS
IL i, IS stated that = the Remington gun was fred
81 & uines In less than three minutes, while tho
spencer gun was fired only 26 times in the
SAINT Sane space OF time" Moreover, it is to he
Cl,aC !ne use OF the Remington gun is not
os oss'enueu Win the dangers and DISADVANTAGES
70 81 hniaSazlhe In the breech, which is necesSa
1nan all hitherto, is the last news from aWst~;, taO
Inc lenna correspondent ofthe London TTr,es
says: Lndner Remington will have the honor
vi seeing their system tried in actual combat"
dnu nucn more, to the effect, that Austria 9
ucclSlon Is not doubtful; also that ''alI the re.
soulGeS OF private and public works are to he
20 oS1Su ior the supply of these new descriptions
OF nre-arms, COnfrmatory of the abovp w"
learn lea: that Messrs. +. Remington E. Sans "G "f
lhon' nave just received u dispatch bv the A.
ia'ltlc Ia cable, saying Austria has adonted the
nenllilSt0n arm, France impatient for the mr..
!t ItEal ot the same guns ordered Apropos to
thls' we learn that the samples for France have
pooaoiy py thIS time Just reached their desti
T, TIaIl3n, %hlle the additional guns ordered by
WWHisianu Wi are also ready for shipment. The
au,IiSlcr OF war OF Belgium has applied for
authorIty to manufacture Arms in that conn
Try under the Remington Patent Tins ali bn-
tokens the eventual adoption of this rmn astbr
Stdntdrd arm Of the world.
The peculiar feature of novelty in this inven-
ton consists i'll the application Of swinging
PreeGh ! piece, pierced by firing pin, to a 6ar
bored through and through, - aud acting in
combination with tumbler attached to tbn
l hammer, 50 that the curved edges of the tnm-
pier and the breech piece will correspond and
!hterlock to brace against the recoi Thus il
Is adapted to any style Of barrel and can he
% USED IN the pistol carbine or sporting gun, as
There being large quantity of superior
springfield rifles in the various arsenals of this
'ouasry' - M al economical method ofaltering them
y ellectIvG breech leaders, has also been devils
a by the MeSsrs. Remington, which mau nI
nate for time the expense Of mannfn"tur;m', Nv
a;ntirey new arms, Of the improved pattern -
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

Here is passage from an epistle that will
make the reader laugh "somedele, f" or we are
greatly mistaken:
:. some ten years ago, having received nv
diploma from the Philadelphia Medical School,
l started OF, and In few weeks had set up,
IN the northern part of Georgia. a shingle'
whereby rendered my services as physician
and surgeon.
" A few days after, as | was engaged in the
preparation of divers medicines, the door of
my office was opened, and a tall brAvny
specimen of the genue homo entered.
Apparently quite at his ease, he pulled off
MS battered castor, and, stepping up to small
mirror, passed his hand over an enormous mass
OF hery, hair, and complacently remarked;
There head O har for you; what do
you think of that2'
Having expressed my admiration thereof
he removed his coat, and, ensconcing himself
IN my armchair, said
Well, stranger, you can jjist go to work
and NOW Oft couple O pounds It's comm
on hot now, and the swamps is mighty pesky
place for breedin' the critters
blandly replied that | was exceedingly
sorry, but that really | could hardly enumerate
halr-cutting among my accomplishments.
~ >" What 7 said he, regarding me with a look
OF huge contempt, what let ON to be a sur
gin, and can't cut har H-nr
And So. resuming his hat and coat. he
strobe dlsdainfully away. Not long after, lust
as was congratulating myself on being SO we'll
md of him, the door opened again, and INV Gus.
toner reappeared with visage highly inAam-
ed with alcoholic beverages
Look here, stranger' said he fercely,
, may be you hold yourself too good to cut NV
immediately and eagerly discaimcd anv
such feeling, and he soon denarfed' aifer boTy.
ing remarked, while gently tapping the horn
:, I'm cussed eff it amt we'll you don't. or
perhaps might have done little cuttin' INV.
II he had come again, l should have cut
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

How IT FEELS TO DIE.-One day last week
young man who was in Hamilton, Ohio. was
run over by locomotive and so badly mon%I' "Jo
ed that he died in few hours. The noor I~ Isl
low was carried into house near the road % aud ,
physician was brought to him in a yerv sbnrt %"t
ttime; but it was evident that he was bcronJ
human help lie convcrsed chccrIulIv with With
In ms eafIualntancGs who came in to see him, and
nc lelt very we'll. Soon afterwards, he turn
my Ing 70 the physician, he asked, Did you give
TL TIe something to put me to sleep, doctor ?''-
rar rnc 9oclor replied that he did not "Then
l III uyinS exclaimed the poor fellow, with
surprising energy, and after giving brief di
notified of his DEATH he expired
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

DULL BOYS.-Sir Isaac Newton, when at
school stood at the bottom of the lowcrmost
form but one: Barrow the great English di-
vine and mathematician, when a boy at the
.G3harterhouse School, was notorious for his
ldIeness and Indifference to study. Adam
CLARK, in his boyhood, was proclaimed by his
father to be a grievious Ounce. Even Dean
swift made disastrous failure at the Univer-
slty. Sheridan was presented by his mother
to tutor as an incorrigible Ounce. Walter
Scott was dull boy at his lessons, and while
Student at Edinburg University received his
sentence from Professor Dalzell, the celebrat.
ed Greek scholar, that "dunce he was, and
Ounce he would remain" Chatterton was re-
turned on his mothers hands, as "a fool of
whom nothing could be made Wellington
never gave any indications of talent until he
was brought into the field of practical effort,
and was described by his strong minded moth
er, who thought him little better than an IDIOT
as fit only to be " food for powder. ,-Sctentifc
Amertcdu. ''''''
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

WHAT CONSTITUTES A WHITE MAN-Tbc
Supreme Court of Michigan has been consider,
ing the question OF illegal voting at the cleo
that of VIM. Dean, who was convicted Of % ;IIas
gal voting in a lower Court. The illecaI;tv
charged was, that Dean was not a "wh;te mais
citizen, as is required by the laws of STcI; i1o
gan as qualification of a voter, he havin@ r ona
sixteenth negro blood in his veins. The y%o s."
preme Court, however, declared him leoaII,,
entitled to vote, and laid down the nrnc;nic
that man with one-fourth negro blood sbnmij
be regarded! as white. Mr.. Jefferson. n h;a
Note, on Virginia, has made an elaborate To ox o,IS
animation n OF this subject, and demonstrotto%J t%
that IN virginia, person of Ono-eightL ne%rn
blood should DO regarded as white. Tbe Togr, osro
IN Michigan, however, seems to have gonn ~~uts :
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29
NJ | 5 G Z LII A NEOUS
Magazines,
.BLUNDERBUss,

Ihe atlantic Monthly for September hos =
choice variety of valuable and entertain;o% ID q
ucies The Surgeons Assistant" is an ;ntar
Gsting and thoughtful story turning unon inc;
dents ctm OF the war. NJ. Longfellow' Sonnnt
On 1ranslating the Divine Commod;o" :
very noble; "Women's Work in the M;ddIo /,
ages Will attract lady-readers by its accounts
OF lace making, embroidery, illumination anJ
medieval authorship. 1.-The BobolinEs'' S"u !" =
deIlclouSly light and sparkling poem bv Chi
toPher PeaSe Cranch. The interest Of EGr;f
mn Uaunt grows more and more intense and
tne lofty moral of the story is impressively de-.
Vel9ped. The johnson Party" is polished
ana Veryeaustlc discussion of the political situa-
TOn 1IOni Lake Ehamglain" is poem by H. I.
feucEerman. Mrs. Stowe promulgates some
ttgSn EL laeas @ concerning popular amusements in
Publishers. 81. NleiuS'
e.I ITcCtty c lot september. presents us with the
lall Iashions IN Ia his usual elegant variety. The
steel plate " Resting at the We'll, (" Is a sunerb
picture. The story of Rizpasb's fJaIS ISuPGrD r..
Marlan Hariand is continued Mary W. jan
vrin contributes an amusing story Kato "t
Leonard, Great March by S. Annie Frost ~
Aunt Sophie's Golden Wedding" bv the
iate Lucy n. Godfrey, make up the number
for the first autumn month. o'
RtersOn for September is an attractive num.
per- The steel plate, The School at Plav"
Is Is an amusing sketch. Young America is
9 showing off with pipes and tobacco when the
peuagogue makes his appearance, cane in hand
on the scene. The colorcd double fashion % nIate
contains e five figures and is very handsome
Quite number Of love stories and other mis-
!. articles, poetry, music, ETC., make
II pleasant and entertaining number,
r..,7 Mg7rper's Monthly for September contains as
usual large amount of very interesting read
ing matter, in the shape of tales essavs nani reaa
ryi reviews, and sketches of various kp9s pc
PERSONAL ; RecOlections of the War is live.
~ 5mbar 5OuTna OF af army life and is accompanied by
- -, Army Life on the Border is another We'll
illustrated article, descriptive of the country n
Indian Tribes, and military hardships along the
5 hed RIVER route through Texas Heroic
deeds of Heroic Men," also illustrated, is con.
tln3ed in this number. Published by Harper
q Brothers, New York. $3.
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

How Much MAKES A MAN RICH-"Tob h
rich, said Mr.. Marcy formerly Secretary q
State, requires only satisfactory conditio,
OF mind; One man may be rich with a hun
dred dollars, while another in the possession O
millions, may think himself poor; and if tn
necessities OF life are enjoyed by each, it is evi
dent that the man who is best satisfied will
his possession is the richest
10 illustrate this idea, Mr.. Marcy relatec
the following anecdote While was Govern
or, of the State Of New York, said he, | wa
called upon one morning at my office, by :
rough specimen of backwoOdsman, who stalk
ed IN and commenced conversation by inouir
ing " if this was Mr.. Marcy 2"
! l replied that was my name.
Bill Marcy?' said he
nodded assent
Used to live in Southport, didn't ve?"
L answered IN the affirmative and began to
lcel little curious to know who my visitor
was, and what he was driving at.
hat what told 'em, cried the back
woodSman, bringing his hand down on his
thigh with tremendous force. . L told 'em
you was the same Bill Marcy who used to live
In Southport; but they wouldn't believe it,
ana promised the next time came to ALBANY
to to, come and see you and find out for sartin.S
why, you know me, don't you, Bill?'
dldn exactly like to ignore his acduatnt-
ahce altogether, but tOrthe life of me, c0uldn t
rGcoilect having seen him before and so | re-
Piled that he had familiar countenance. but
that ! was not able to call him by name.
My name is Jack Smith," answered thc
backWoodsman, and We used to 20 to school
together, thirty years ago, in the little red
school house in old Southport. Well. times
have changed since then, and you have become
a great man, and got rich, | suppose"
;. ! shook my head, and was going to contra
ulct that impression, when he broke ont in
On yes you are, / know you are rich; no
use denying it. You was comptroller for-for
long time and the next time We heard of
YOU you were Governor. You must have had
heap OF money, and am glad of it-glad to
see you getting along 50 smart You was al,
ways smart lad at school, and | knew that
you would come to something"
thanked him for his good wishes and Opin-
lon' but told him that political life did not pay
So well as he imagined
suppose, said |, fortune has smiled
upon you since you left Southport? ?''
Oh, yes, said he, : hain't got nothing
TO complain OF. | must say haye got along
right smart. You see, shortly after YOU left
Southport, our family moved up into Yer
mont and put right into the woods, and ! reckon
our lahilly cut down more trees and cleared
more land than any other in the State"
IT And SO you have made good thing of it.
How much do you consider yourself worth?'
| asked, feeling little curious to know what
ne considered fortune, as he seemed to be 50
we'll satisfied with his.
Well, he replied, 81 don't exactly know
how much am worth; but think (straight-
enng himself up) if all my debts were paid, |
should be worth three hundred dollars clear
cash = lie was rich, for he was satisfied.
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29
Breech- Loading Guns.

revolution in the manufacture of infantry
nre-arms has fairly begun Like other great
changes, 1t has required time for its inception :
put 1t Is now actually started, and promises to
be sweeping and thorough. Governments are
proverblally sluggish in the adoption of inno-
Vatlons. But prejudice has been at last over
come, and only the recent achievements at
kOmggratz was needed to rouse all Eurone
from Its lethargy, and open the eyes of the
world 10 full appreciation of the last great
improvement in firearms.
Though Prussia has been the first to otfoot
an entire radical change in her small arms and
10 demonstrate to the world its advantage vet
it is due our;Own Government to have the credit
of fostering that special improvement, which
secures the consummatiOn CT success in this di-
rectiOn. More than year ago, our Govern
ment organized commission to investigate the
subject of breech-lOading arms, and report
upon the merits of such specimens as might be
presented for examination. The experiments
were continued for many months, with great
variety of guns The report of the delibera-
tiOns of that Commission has not yet been made
public, but it cannot be doubted by those who
are acquainted with the trials made, that the
new Remington breech-lOading rifle will be APP
proved as the most effective weapon of the
kind that has yet been produced.
Since that time, as fast as samples could be
procured, similar trials of this gun have been
IN progress in several of the countries of Eu-
rope; thus far with but one result-the most
favorable
In these trials, the desiderate are, Of course,
extent OF range, portability, durability, accura-
cy, safety and convenience of handling in ac-
ton, simplicity and cheapness of construction,
and hnally, capacity for the most rapid firing
The superiority in other respects, being easily
established, and in most cases readily conced-
ed, competition has been ATTEMPTED almost
solely In respect to the rapidity offring. And
here again, the success Is most triumphant
In none OF the public trials is its rate of firing
quoted at less than thirteen shots per minute,
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

The ORIGIN OF SOAP.-A French journal
mas learned article upon the subject Of the
origin Of soap, in which the popular idea that
it was first manufactured in Italy during the
fifteenth century is controverted. The journal
in question states that the ancient Gauls used
soap, and that the Romans also did so, there
being evidence of its manufacture at Pompeii
The ancients are said to have made it Of olive
oil and wood ashes. There is, however, as
great mystery hanging over the origin of soan n,
as there is over the first appearance of monp
other articles in common use. '
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

The GULF STREAM A ROUTE TO TIE POLE.
"A letter written by an eminent French geo
grapher, and read before the French Academy,
expresses the opinion that the Gulf Stream
keeps its identity as far north as Siberia, and
Is lost only when it reaches the Polar Basin
The writer states that the Gulf Stream always
melts path through seas of ice which it cross
es, and he contended that the Pole is not al
ways occupied by ice. From this he deduces
the theory that, in the prolongation of the
Gulf Stream between Spitzbergen and Nova
Iembla to the Polar Basin, navigators should
find the easiest route to reach the Arctic Pole.
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

SOLDIERS BOUNTIEs. 1t is announced that
Governor FentOn has authorized the New York
State Military Agency to collect the invalid
pensions and extra bounty of New York SOL
diers free of charge. This is an admirable ar
rangement, and one that can well be followed
by other States having military agences in
Washington.
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

"A newspaper correspondent, describing tba
costume il OF belle at recent ball, SAYS Miss
o., with that repugnance to ostcntation ;@
u5eSS winch Is so peculiar to her sex, was attr.
ca I'm! III simple white lace collar, fastened with
trn m'%' tp pudr nattpn solitaire. y simple at
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

,ol: At prayer meeting in Washington. on tho
morning after the assassination of pres;im '"T
I.lllGon colored man. PRAYING for vr,S'n,4r aun,
u" tlle murderer said, Now. Lord. less ";I,
~ 10 enl right smart, and don't bo SO m,rcilnI
Us You generally am ~ ~ ''''''''0'
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

A tourycar old went to church Sunday. md
when he got home his grandmother asked him
what the minister said Don't know" sniJ
me- he dldnt speak to me. - A good MANY
older people might answer tho same w,,.
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

do'L Trgcn Apples and buttermilk, eaten by tho
ut uccA hands OF steamer at st. Paul, Mime
Sotl1 ,i caused Seyera cases of cholera, and the
pubic would be wise to avoid that and all simi-
lar cholera mixtures. - 'N' ''' '''''''
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

!, At recent trial in Santa Fe, New Mexico
the defendant was an American The CHnr.
clerk and counsel for prisoner were ali Amer
cans and Protestants. The prosecuting law
yers were all Catholics, and respectfully horn
IN Prussia, France and Mexico. The Comrt
clerk and defendant spoke only English tbo
prosecuting witness spoke only French anJ
me Jury did dino not understand any language t L"t
Spanish. The case was decidedly interest,". "ut
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

As one of the results Of the war, it NAV h,
stated that there are at the present finn. :. j."
United States no less than twen,y-Gv, my, 'm'
factories Of artificial legs. "'0 III '''"
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

AT q recent lottery in Rome, Young c;rI
was offered as prize. The tickets wrr, m nlI
Iakcn' but the affair was considered So "I'
ouS that the police intcrlered to stnn il '''''''
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

Dear me, said Mrs. Grundy, "onl %
they have put telegraph poles all tho w,~ "u '' NJ
the ocean, ! shoullnt wonder If thev tr;'I vr"SS
pOntoon bridge next" =" '''0y trled
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

During the recent session OF the Teachers,
Institute in Rutland county, Vermont, Will \
professor was endeavoring to illustrate tb',
manner OF teaching arithmetic, he took nm '"o y
small globe standing upon the desk, and a>k'
How many units in the globe?''
AMSt0cr-" One
hat?" "''"S UNITS IN my
ASS'eer q SIs BY 1%a"ghty bog ~ the audince)
The professor was taken down.
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

iiar' conservatism rules in polito" H. ahat thus
fashion. 'ueS' irlEzielzation in
Smyrna times., 1866-08-29

1 What did the whale say to Jonah wb,u J.
little rascal. III ouI oil the wet, You
VIM lake ttn cures like. Sulphur come from Vesu
V'0'' therefore it is good for erurtons 's"'