The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-10
NUMBER lg
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

uP. Decause, Salu the ruQe IelioW,fN
mirror reflects without speaking; a wo.
man speaks without rejecting. Very
good" said she. Now answer me.
Why is man unlike mirrof?'' Il can
not tell yea." Because the mirror is
polished, and the man is not.
aWhat is that2" said the Sunday school
teacher, pointing to the letter O.
'sDunno. " said the urchin.
"What do you say when you stub your
toe2"
"D-n it, . was the precocious reply.
aMy brethren said ! good old back
woods preacher, "I'm gwine to preach
you plain serment, that. even wimmen
can understand. You can find my text
in the five verses of the two eyed chapter
of one eyed Joha." It was sometime
before twas perceived that he meant I
John, chapter II.
The editor of a country paper says that
he felt called upon to publish father Lew.
is sermon on the Locality Of He'll, as
it was question in which nearly all of
his readers were deeply interested.
PUNoTUALIrY "A punctuaI man is
very rarely poor man, and never man
of doubtful credit. His small accounts
ere frequently settled, and he never meets
with difficulty in raising money to pay
large demands. Small debts neglected
ruin credit, and when man has lost that
he will 6nd himself at the bottom Of
hill he can not ascend. -
SENSIBLE ADvIcE.-If you would be
happy whenamong good men, open Jour
ears; when among bad men, shut them.
It is not worth while to hear what your
servants say when they are angry; what
your children say when they have slammed
tho door; what a beggar says whom you
have turned cut of doors; what your
neighbor says about your children; what
your rival says about your business or
your dress.
THE FATE OF ALL SUcH. .--Au editor Of
Western paper, while taking a snooze
after dark, travelling in railway carriage,
had his pocket picked. The thief next
day forwarded the pockst-book by express
to the editors Office, With the following
note:
'sYeou mizerabel skunk heres yer pock-
il book. | don't keep sich. For man
dressed as well as you was, to go round
with wallit and nothin in it but lot Of
noosepaper scraps, and an ivry tuth cumb,
too noosepaper stamps and pass from a
ralerode direktor, is contemplate i'm
persition on the publick. As I hear your
"a editur | returne yer trash-I never robs
any only gentlemen"
Montesquie was discussing aquestion
with counsellor of the Parliament of
Bordeaux, who was witty but rather bot.
headed. The latter concluding some very
fiery remarks. said:
s'Mr. President, if this is is not as /
tell you. will give you my head. =
81 accept it, replied Montesquie cool
ly. "Small presents keep up friendship
FREE AND EAsr.-O Old Parson NJ,
Of Torringford, was queer sort of
man. One time, when his congregation
had, most Of them, disposed themselves
for their afternoon nap, he startled them,
as well as their ideas Of propriety, by
asking, in his loudest tone: ...s.
sWhat's the price Of butterY'. -
At another .ime, some strangers com.
| ing to church with him, the congregation
paid more attention to them than they
did to him. Losing all patience, he stop
ped in his sermon, and said:
"Those folks in my pew are my cous-
ins from Fl, SO you needn't stare at
them any more.p
A little boy was sent to the mill one
day, and the miller said, aJohn, some
people say. you are a fool Now tel
me what you know and what you don'i
know" WELL" replied John, 81 know
the miller hogs are fat" Eyes, that's
WELL John!.. Now, what don't you know?s
laI don't know whose corn fats emil
aWell, Annie, how did you get along
with that stupid fool of a lover Of yours
Did you succeed in getting rid Of him2'
.Oh, yes, got rid of him easy enough
I married him, and have no lover now. !"
i Deacon j. found his hired bo,
cooking eggs late at night. "Tll hay'
none of this, says the Deacon. "There'
none for you, = says the boy.
A gay and festive Englishman, paying
visit to Washington Market. t.espied SON
water-melons. "Aw," said he, sscawn'
yeu grow larger apples than those in thi
country2n "Apples!" exclaimed the ven
der; ssthey amt apples; they are som
. . green peas I've been shelling
! The question, aDoes getting drunk eve
! advance ones happiness?" would seem :
be put to rest by the Irishmau who wen
courting when drunk, was asked wha
| pleasure he found in drinking whisky =
-laOh, Nelly, it's a trate intirely to see tw
9 Of your swate purity faces instead of one
. IA pair Of pretty eyes" said Coxcoml
9 ssare the best mirrors to shave by" Yes
replied old Hunk, the bachelor, Hand
r have known many man shaved by them
D@ When there is spanking breei
bad children should be put out to tai
: the air. ia
/, ADyERTIslNG.-A gentleman adverti
d ed for wife through the papers, and =
> ceived answers from eighteen hundre
! and ninety seven husbands, saying that
IS could have theirs. This is practical
: Illustration Of the value of advertisipgs