Des Arc citizen., 1866-02-28

CT. to arbitrate nuthin but bad case, anC take good lawyers advice and pay hin for it before you do that.
 But got Fretman-I dident, but my lawyer Marks did. Frctman was a nutmeg skoolteachcr who had gone round my naborhood with his skool artikles, and l put down for Troup and Calhoun, to go, and intended to send seven or eight more if he proved himself right 1 soon found that the little nulifer wascnt beleeyin in anything, and on inquiry 1 found that Nut meg was giyin powerful long recesses, and was employin his time chiefly in carryin on with tolerabul szd female gal that was goin to him. Troup said he heard the gal sqeel herself one day, and he knowd Fret man was squeezin of her I don t mind our boys squeezin of the Yankee gals, but I'll be blamed if the Yankees shall be a squeezin ourn. So l got mad and tool, the children away. At the end of the term Fretnan sued me for eighteen dollars, and hired cheap lawyer to collckt it. Before this time had learned some sence about q lawyer, So I hired good one, and spred my pocket book down before him, and told him to take what would satisfy him. And he tuk. Old Phil Davis was the jestce Marks made the openin speech to the eff fck that every professional man ought to be able to illustrate his trade, and he there. fore proposed to put Mir. Fretman on the stand and spez hine.- This motion were fout hard, but it agreed with old Phil's notions of high jestice," and says he "Mr Fretman you willhave to spell surp Mark tllen swore him, that he would give true evdt nee in this case, and that he would spell every word in Dan'l Webster's spell lin book .correktly to the best ofhis knoWl- edge and belief, so help him, 6c. qaI. saw then that he wer tremblin all over like a cold wet dog. Says Mark, Mir Fretman spell tisik;' we'll he spelt it, putin in a .ph and th and a gh and @7, and don't know what all, and thought he was gone up the. first pop, but Marks said it was right He then spclt him right strait a. long on all sorts of big words, and little words. and long words, and short words and afterwords and he knowed cm all, till finally Marks ses' '>Now sur, spell Ompom- pynusak" Fretman dravd long breth and said it wasent in the book Marks proved it was by an old preacher who was scttinby and old Phil spoke up with pow CT, ses, "Mr. Fretman you must spell it, sur" Frotman was swettin like run down lilly. He tux one pass at it and Daissca.
 You can come down, sur" says Marks, 4you've lost your case z And shore enuf old Phil give verdik aginst him like a darn.
 Mafks was whale in his way Atthat same court he was about to nonsuit dok7 tor bekaus he dident have his diplpmy, and the dokror beg'd the court for time to go home after it. He rode seven miles and back as hard as he could lick il, and when he handed it over to marks very tri- umfantly, Marks ses, "Now, sur, you will take the stand and translate this Latin into English, so that the court may understand it." We'll, he jest caved, for he couldcnt dc it.
 He lost his case in two minets, for the old squire said that doktor who couldent read his diplomoy had no more right to praktis than magistrate who couldent read the license had to jine two couple to- gether This is warnin to all perfesslon- al men to understand their bisness, and the moral of the case is, that man oughtent to be sQueezin the gals when anybody can see him. But I don't want it understood that I'm agin it on proper okkasions and in tendermanner. There aint mo sqpeel- in necessary.
 But I must close this brief epistlo
 Yours truly, BILL ARP.
 P. S.-I forgot to mention that the Freedman s Euro have had me up because Mrs. Arp turned off her nurse for not talk in baby talk to her chile. She said that my wife throwd cheer at her head. The lyin hussy was there, wearin Mrs Arp's collar and shawl that she'd stole l pinted em out to the Euro, and left in defiant disgust. The moral of this fs ''to stand your grown" or nurse your babies your & 9n1I D 5ft self b. A.