The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-11-07
EAcETIE.

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JOSH BILLINGS says: "Tbere is only
one advantage that can see in going
to the devil, and that is, the road is
easy, and you are sure to get there"
THE DIFFERESCE.-Only one ass ever
spoke like man; hundreds and thou
sands of men are daily talking like
asses. - ~ - ~ "a - -
THE boy who was caught looking in
to the future, has been arrested for try
ing to see the show without payment
Go TO strangers for charity, acquaint-
ances for advice, and relatives for moth
ing-and you will always have sup
ply.
WE don't believe, though we saw it
in print, that there Is man in Yer
mont who feeds his geese on iron filings,
and gathered steel pens from their
wings. t't"P |
A CONVICT who was about to be sent
to a house of correction was told that
they would set him to pick oaknm,
"Let ,um, try it, by gosh said he,
!. PH tear their darned oakum, all to
pieces zry1rss roo !
"Ill commit you yon're nt,isatsce ~
said Mr.. Justice to noisy feiiow IN
court. You can't sir; you say Tm |
nuisance, and nobody has a right to
commit nuisance-so defy you!'
A MAN in Branch county says no one
need tell him that advertising won't
cause big rush, for he advertised ten
bushels Of grapes for sale aud the next
morning there wasn't one left-boys
stole 'em all.
A MAN was saying in company that |
he had seen a juggler place lader, In !
open ground, upon one end, and mount
ed it by passing through the rounds and
stand upon the top erect. Another,
who was present, said he had no doubt
of it, as he had seen man who had |
done the same thing, but with this ad-
dition, that when he arrived at the top |
he pulled the ladder after him. Ii
DO YOU remember, asks the Paris cor
respondent of the Daily Telegraph, the |
child who said to his mother: MAN
ma, if am good shall go to Heaven,
shan't II" AYES, love-" "And who !,
will be there besidesp "Angels, dear,
beautiful, good angels" "Ah," hesita- !;
ted the boy, "all angels-all good, beau !
tiful angelsi Mamma, dear, do you
think if am very good they will let |
me have just little devil to play
with"
Invent to the Legislature last year,
said Georgian. Well, 1 went to Au-
gusta, and took dinner at tavern.
Right beside me at the table sat mem |
ber from one of the back towns that
had never before taken dinner
at tavern in his life. Before his plate
was dish of peppers, and he kept look
ing at them; finally, as the walters were
mighty slow bringing on things, he
up with fork and in less than no time
soused one in his mouth. Ashe brought
his grinders down upon it, the tears
came into his eyes. At last, splitting
the pepper into his hands, he laid it
down by the side of his plate, and with
a voice that set the whole table in
roar, exclaimed, Just lie thar and
COOL"
BRIEF EXPLANATION OF BANNING
Old Mr.. Lefevre, father of the former
Speaker of the House of Commons, and
the principal founder of Curries L. Co.,
illustrated the simple theory of banking |
to customer one day, in manner ri
valling the best treatises on that sub
iect. The customer in question was one
of those men who find it very conve-
nient to have bad memories, and very
tantalizing at times TO have good ones.
His account was almost always over
drawn, and whenever spoken to on the
hitch thus Occasioned, his answer was
the same-he really had forgotten how
it stood. At last Mr.. Lefevre caught
him one day at the counter, and said to
him:
"Mr. Y, you and must under
stand one another something better than
We now seem to. am afraid yon don't
know what banking really is; give me
leave to tell you. It's my business to
take care of your money, but find you
are always taking care of mine. Now.
that is not banking, Mr.. y; 1t must
be the other way. I'm the banker, not
you. You understand me now, Mr.. Y;
Pm sure you do.'
JOSH BILLINGS on OwLs.-Josh Bill
ings says of owls: III /
Bnrds is Gods choriesters.
Tew the lion he gave majesty, few the
elephant strength, tew the fox cunning,
and tew the tiger deceit. But to the
birds, his pets, he gave buty aud song.
And none so blest as the owl.
The owl is game bnrd; he can
whip anything that wears feathers-af-
ter dark.
He is n wise burd, and boots at most
things.
He is sollum burd, a cross between
a justice NV peace and county super
visor.
He is n stiff burd, and sets up as stiff
as n exclamation point. -.i1
He is luxurious burd, and feeds on I
spring chickens. ftr issf
He is long lived burd, and never was
known to take death natrally.
He is hardy burd, and groze tutf by
bileing. iaiF tHyiff CIlyt
He is an honest burd, and alwuz shows
an open c0untenanee. So
He is a prompt burd, and satisfze at
onst his outstanding bill
He is n comfortable burd, and alwuz
sleeps i'm feathers. 800
He is an attentive burd, and durin
the day can awluz be found in.
He is q festive burd, aud don't come
home till morning.
Thus the owl is q mistaken emblem
NV. solitude and sadness, if we dig into
his natur closely, is emphatically one Nv
the boys, and belongs to the club!