Des Arc citizen., 1866-05-05
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

sal5s4 si ---- ff1 ey
 --Josh Billings says when man's dog deserts him on akount of his property, he kant get cnny lower down inthis iworld-not bi land.gC E bge 3aa5goqmi tnf
 -----An editor's wife, during an evening walk, asked her husband to notice the moon.. He replied that hc could not do it under the usual ratcs of twenty cents line.
 ----ssWhat is that dog barking at?'' asked q flop, whose boots wero more polished than his ideas, ssWhy, replied a bystander,, 1be- cause he secs another puppyin your boots."
 ---sir Isaac Newton s nephew was clerss gynan. When he had performed the marri- age ceremony he always refused the fee, say- ing: eGo your ways poor wretches, have done you mischief enough already.'i a
 The printer is the master of all trades.l He beats the carpenter with his rule and tho mason in setting up columns, he surpasscs the Iawyerin attending to his case, and beats tho parscn in the management of the dscit.
 ---IIis Plutonic Majesty, the "Devil,'' latety scen in Nicholas county, Ky, has ssturncd up in Barton county, Mo Several parties have sworn to his presence, and one John Smart gives minute description of his person and apparel iAs
 ---- Beautiful waa the reply of n venerable man 10 the question, whether he was still in the land of the living; No, but nm almost thcrc.p Aa
 My is a dun like an unerpccto od favorsg IL is unsolicited. m ssa g
 To be shamed out of heaven is to be- shamcd into hell.
 - Why is taking the small pox like an heiress2 Itis catch.
 --Snigglefritz says the Fcnians havebceii boring for great while ewithoutytriking tile" He means the Emerald Islc
 What is the difference between pretty girl and a nght-cap! One is born to wed, and the other Is worn to bed. 2pW
 theatre iaJisus who is tired of ssBlack Eyed Susan,' wants to know how 2 new play called ..Bloody Nosed Nancy" would do. Too sanguinary.
 --- X fast man advice to his son--ssWhat- ever you do, do it aud wherever you go, go it."
 -Puget succeeded in adjusting the eye of flea 90 that by using microscope he was able to sec objects through 1t. It dimnished the size, but at the same time multiplied every object. For instance, scldier appeared like an army of pigmies.
 -sA gcntlcmanly young mildly, wishing to have the maintop light put out, hailed, aAfaiatop there., s.sir?a s.Extinguish that nocturnal luminaryi Y esir Extingulsh that nocturnal luminary. copfonnd youv -sSr ?i' came again from the pazzlca topman nIIere--lct me- !" said the boatswain, elbow-a ing the nidsnipman OH one side: "Maintop thcrc.', ssSir?v "Dowse the glin r s.Ay, ny, sir,'' was tho cheerful response. 0
 We have heard, recently, of n man who obtained bill of divorce on the ground that his wife was extravagart. "She used butter for shortening This is about equal to the man who complained of his daughters extrav- agance, because she persisted i'll buying wa terfall for her head when she had cataract in her eye. H. couldn't brook that.
 ------ Alr. Thompson as witness in m action for assault and battery, mixed things consid- erably in giving. his account ofthc affair Af- ter relating how Dennis came to him and struck him, he proceeded: r
 saSo, your honor, I just hawlcd-oH and wiped his jaw. Just then his dog came along and hit him again" ssIIt the dog? No, yer honor, hit Dennis. And then mp with stun end throwcd it at him. and it rolled him over and over" s.Threw a stone at Dennis C .sAt shc dog, yer honor. And he get up and hit me again" 1.-The dog9v s'No, Dennis. And wid dat he stuck his tail betwixt his legs and run off. v "Dcnns '" ssNo, the dog. And when lie came back at me, he got mo down aud pounded me. yer honor, and he isn't hurt any tt all. ssWho isn't hurt 2" 'sThc dog, yer honor'