The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1866-05-31
Scraps, Facts and Fancies.

Scraps, Facts and Fancies.
= Second thoughts are the adopted
children of experience.
Why cannot deaf man be legally
convicted of crime Because it is not
lawful to condemn man without hear
ing.
- The name of man in Vermont who
feeds his geese on iron filings, and gathers
steel pens from their wings, is Sharp.
- Nearly all the postofices in Texas
are in charge of females. 1t works SO
we'll that the males now arrive and de-
part every hour in the day.
-"Poor old General Debility" ex-
claimed Mrs. Partington; "it is surpris-
ing how long he lives and what excite
ment he creates. Tho papers are full OF
remedies for him."
They say that Thad Stevens is get
ting very old We hope that he won't
ego to seed" There's enough of the
breed already.
- Slander not others because they
have slandered you. Bite not a reptile
because you have been bitten by him.
= 1t is well remarked, that it was bet
ter to be born with disposition to see
things on the favorable side, than to an
estate of ten thousand year.
|
= Happiness, it has been finely OBJ
served, is in tho proportion of the num-
Der of things we love, and the number OF
things that love us as we'll.
= "Why do you continue to retail
spiritous liquor?" off I did not sell, these
drinking fellows would not come to my
shop, and I should have no chance to give
them good advice"
= The last sword will be broken by the
fall of pen upon it; but the last pen
III --l,--L--Al---1- -1---A--->-- -
ready to disappear.
"A person asked an Irishman why he
wore his stockings wrongsde outward
Because said he, "thoro's hole on the
other side." w
To enjoy life you should be little
miserable occasionally. Trouble, like
cayenne, is not very agreeable in itself,
but gives great zest to other things.
"A man in Cincinnati recently cut his
throat, because he lived next door to an
amateur trombone player. The coroner
held an inquest and returned verdict of
'justifable homicide"
= Milton was asked: "How is it that
in some countries king is allowed to
takc his place on the throne at IA years
of ago, but may not marry until ne is 1S?
because" said the poet, cit is easier to
govern q kingdom than woman"
- Tho following is the answer to let
ter sent to one of those advertising swim
dlers of New York, offering, for frac-
tional currency, to send Certain and
quick mode of getting rich:"
"Work like the ID, anddon't spend a
cent"
- An editor in California lately re-
ceived long document which ho was re-
quested to insert gratis under his editorial
head. He placed it under his pillow that
night, and expressed his willingness to
insert similar communications in the same
way, and on similar terms.
-" "Frank," said an affectionate mother
the other day to q promising boy, ''if you
don't stop smoking and reading SO much,
you wont care anything about work"
"Mother," replied the hopeful, leisurely
removing very long cigar, and turning
another leaf, ~ have got so now"
A drunken lawyer, going into church,
was observed by the minister, who said
to him: ''Sir I will bear witness against
you at the day of judgment" The law
yer, shaking his head with drunken
gravity, replied, 81 have practiced law
twenty-five years at the bar, and always
found the greatest rascals the first to
turn States evidence"
"A little newsboy, in Nashville, was
watching Federal procession pass. After
regarding them very vindictively for
some little time, he shouted with all his
lungs:
"Hurrah for Jeff. Davis"
"Pshaw," said the blue coated officer.
Hurrah for the devil you mean"
"Yory WE'LL" replied the urchin, "you
shout for your captain-Il shout for
mine"
= A man has been sentenced in Scot