Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1866-09-08
HUMOROUS
WIT AND HUnOa.


Office.
When is guinea not guinea?-
When it is one pound won--at whistl
Why are railroad accidents like ir-
regular suppers? Because they are cas-
ual-teas.
What is the difference between an
editor and wife? One sets articles to
rights and the other writes articles to
set. $685.
When mays loaf of bread be said to
be inhabited? When it has little In-
dian in it.
What is the difference between a
tunnel and a speaking trumpet? One
is followed out, and the otheris hollow
ed in.
What is the difference between r
summer dress in winter, and an ex-
tracted tooth !? One is too thin and the
other is tooth Outl
To DRAIN LANDS. Drink whiskey,
and spend all your time at the village
tavern. This will drain you of all your
lands In a short time.
To MAKE STONE FENcE-Equal parts
of whiskey and cider. This is the re-
ciprocal stone fence; the more you lay
of it the more it will clay" you.
Easy WAY TO DRAW SAW LOGS. -
Draw them on o piece of paper with a
crayon pencil. After a little practice
you will be able to "draw" the largest
kind of saw-logs with ease.
PoRK.-Packing thread is of no use
in packing pork. In curing hams the
time varies. Hams that have got trich-
inie can't be cured at all.
Mrs. Jenkins complained in the
evening that the turkey she had eaten
did not set well. probably" said said
Jenkins, sit was not a hen-turkey." He
got glass of water in the face.
"A clergyman lately travelling in the
oil region saw child stumbling and
falling. He kindly picked her up. say
ing: Poor little dear, are you hurt ?"
when she cried out, 81 amt poor, dad
has done struck Ilep'
AT an assemblage of few friends,
one evening, the absence of a lady was
which was apologized for by
an acquaintance, who stated that she
was detained by an interesting little in
cident. "Ah, yes" exclaimed Mrs.
John Smith, land beautiful incident
it was too weighing just nine pounds
and halfl''
THE BEST TIME TO PUT IN RYE
asked All old farmer once the best time
to put in rye. He looked at his watch
and replied:
This is about my hour. :"
The rye was Immediately put in.
All seasons are the same for putting
in rye.
"A Cincinnatian says: ''Talk about
filters! Just eat a quart of Ohio river
water, and stand in the sun for five
and you will find the aforesaid
water coming out at every pore, beauti-
fully filtered, while your stomach be-
converted into sand bag, and
you can hear the gravel rattle as you
walk. 20
FENCES AND FARMING. fencing
is essential ON a farm. Get good
"fencing master" to teach you. A rail
fence is better than an imaginary one.
You can't repair aUO1Da fence by taking
vermifuge. Neither can You cut good
whitewash brushes out of brush fences.
To MAKE Your STABLES WARM IN
WINTER. Set fire to them.
"A day or since, two ladies from the
country, on a shopping excursion TO the
city, dropped into a hardware store
where agricultural implements are sold.
They had read Johns advertisements.
and therefore innOcently inquired for
"cradles The storekeeper said it
was rather late in the season for the
article, and he had sold all he purehas-
ed. The ladies looked at each other
wonderingly aud whispered laughingly,
and one, turning to the blushing John,
remarked: ''Out of season! 1 thought
babies were always in season."
"A 'reb, >" who had long languished
ON the sweets of forced idleness, con-
sequent upon his occupation having
terminated with Lees surrender, began
to look about him for something to be,
to do, or to suffer. Thinking himself
sufficiently reconstructed, he applied
for work at one of the Departments,
presided over by a Federal officer.
bIdN6 you DG6n III TIC EcDel StENICos
he was asked.
eyes, sir, was the reply.
Gin any battles?"
"About eighteen pitched battles, sir. T"
ever killed any Yankees?"
''No sir; never killed any"
"How do you know that?..'
"Well, / couldn't kill any of henal"
"Why was thatl''
Because they were all in the rear
specializing; but guess Stayed about
thousand Dutch and Irish.
Young lady sweeping the street
with trail two yards long. A young
man stepped upon it, partly tearing it
from the waist. She turned slowly up
on him and said:
''Sir, you are rowdy."
He retorted, Madam, you are a
dowdy."
eff you were man, L would thrash
you," said she.
eff you were pretty, would kiss
you " SAID he.
''This is insufferable," said the lady,
gathering up her calico and turning
away.
''That is true" he replied, "whether
your remark applies to yourself, your
dress or the weather"