Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1866-06-08
A fine coat NAV cover fool, but never

sausage for dollar. That's dog cheap!
A legal wag calls his marriage certif-
cate, strange to say, "a writ Of attained
her." sr f7
"Have you read my last speechi" said
vain orator TO a friend. "I hope so,"
was the reply: '-s a-rle
Why are poultry the most profitable
stock to keep? Because for every grain
they give apeck.
"Can you tell me, sir, how to find the
sheriff's ofice?" "Yes, sir; every time
you earn five dollars spend ten."
The Chicago Post says there is nothing
left of the Fenian navy but the stag of
war" between the several factions.
The habituaI conviction of the presence
of God is the sovereign remedy in temp
tations; it supports, it consoles, itcalms US.
"If you wish to appear agreeable in So
ciety," saws Talleyrand, ''you must consent
to be taught many things which you know
already" ot as'ee1 yfaar'
81 do not say" remarked Mr.. Brown,
'that Jones is a thief; but do say that if
his farm joined mine, would not try to
keep sheep"
The reason why the people know not
their duty on great occasions, is that they
will not take the trouble of doing their du-
ty on little occasions. .t
Scarcely anything in life is SO sweet as
the repose of Sunday-the soothing sug-
gestions of its devouter offices, its silence,
its calm, its immunities.
The best defence of lying that we ever
read, is the remark of Charles Lamb, re-
lated by Leigh Hunt, that 'truth was pre-
cious and not to be wasted on everybody"
An exchange says one of the chief en-
joyments of an editor is, to know that peo-
pie who do not pay for their papers are
the ones who find the most fault about
them. .,.... ...-..... -
81 should think these omnibus wheels
would be fatigued, after running all day."
observed John. "Well, yes, " replied Tom
my, taking a squint at them, 'they appear
to be tired" IL W
G.. Hosaphta has plan for paying off the
national debt. His plan is to convert the
entire indebtedness into greenbacks, and
and keep them in circulation till they nat
urally wear out. <'@.l3.. '..''
An old lady living in the country lately
refused to let her niece dance with young
graduate of Oxford, because she heard he
was 'bachelor of arts, whereby she un-
derstood him to be an artful bachelor.
A French Bishop in a sermon recently
administered philippe to crinoline wear
ers: "Let women beware p said he ''while
putting on their profusive and expensive
attire, how narrow are the gates of Para
disc" l....s..r,,
1t was rather a curious compliment
which Voltaire paid to Mademois de Livry,
when he said of her to friend: "She
was so beautiful that / raised my long
thin body and stood before her like point
of admiration"
If we would have powerful minds we
must think; if we would have, faithful
hearts we must love; if we would have
strong muscles, we must labor; and these
three-thought, love, labor-include all
that is valuable in life, %
An Irish emigrant hearing the sunset
gun at Portsmouth, asked sailor ssWhat
is that?" ''Why, that's sunset" was the
reply. 'Sun-setw exclaimed Pat, sand
does the sun go down in this country with
such bang as thstl"
The truest Christian polteness is cheer
fulness. 1t is graceful, and sits well on
old as well as young. 1t is the best of all
company, and adorns the wearer of it
more than rubies and diamonds set in gold.
1t costs nothing and yet is valuable.
A man whom DR.. johnson once reprov-
ed for following useless and demoraliz-
ing business, said in excuse, "Yeu know,
doctor must live" The brave old hater
eff everything mean and hateful, coolly re-
piled, 81 do not see the least necessity for
that" I-- orr --.,
When poor Curran, the great Irish or
ator and patriot, was in his last illness, the
doctor remarked one morning that he
seemed to cough with more difficulty
"That is rather surprising" the patient
gasped out, 'for I've been practicing all
night"
Py,,,vxrr,o0 'Rrv,r-rrrtp -u1,s r,,Dv ttAI,,
dear Mrs. B., how can a body prevent the
odious smell of cooking in ones houseT'
asked Mrs. A. 'The only way that l
know" replied Mrs. B, sis to have moth
for breakfast, and warm it over for din
ner and supper"
The question, does getting drunk ever
advance ones happinessl would seem to
be put to rest by the Irishman who went
courting when drunk, and was asked what
pleasure he found in whisky. "Ob, Bid
dy, it's trate intirely 10 see two of your
swate purity faces instead of oneF"
A soldier, who in going from Baltimore
to Rock Island, had met with four acci-
dents, was on the fifth occasion in a car
that completely turned over Making his
way through a window, and gaining an
upright position, he looked around him
and coolly inq quired: :"What station is this"
He thought this was a way they had of
stopping.
A doctor lately informed his friends, in
a large company, that he had been eight
days in the country. "Yes," said one of
the party, at has been announced IN the
Times" sAhw said the doctor, stretch
ing his neck importantly; ''pray, in what
terms9" "Well, as well as | can remem-
Der, in the following: There were last
week seventy-seven deaths less than the
week beforep"
Twocaptains agreed to share their prizes,
and met weekly to give an account of their
seven days work and signalize their luck.
On ono occasion CaDtain A. siOnalizad