The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-07-04
How to Enjoy pic.Nics.

Cory O'Lanus, of the Bro oklyn Eagle,
has an article on pic-nics. Some of his il
lustrations will answer for any meridian,
and we take a slice of his entertaining
dish:
Get packed in a car like a box of oran ses,
and smothered in white muslin until you
get to the grove, where you will arrive in
a state of perspiraton and bliss.
Don't be particular about your own bas-
ket. Baskets usually get mixed. Take
the biggest one you can get. The ladies
always fill their baskets. When you get
into the grove, you are expected to declare
it is the delightfulest spot that you ever
saw.
Select a pretty teacher, and explore
the shadiest recesses, and pour out your
whole soul. When it is all poured out,
ask the young lady if she won't take a
swing.
She will.
Sawyer has sung of "Swinging in the
Lane" but l don't think he ever tried
swinging in a grove. l was kept at it
three hours and a quarter, swinging all the
girls that came along. 1t is splendid ex-
crcise; beats Barnum S gymnasium, double
trapeze and all. l haven't got entirely over
it yet.
An old woman then proposed that l
should climb tree to eXtricate her John
ey, who had got his trowsers involved in
branch about thirty feet up, and was hung
up like sign of the golden fleece. Told
the old lady to wait till he got ripe, and
he'd drop Of his own accord. Old lady
caiI | "a hr,,fn npI hol,'k {hn al
ings of mother. She went for the man
brought ladder and restored the aspiring
youth to the fond embrace of his maternal
relative. Whereupon she spanked him for
tearing his trowseIs.
Which served him right.
We then took dinner.
Pretty teacher spread her pocket hand
kerchief for table cloth, and unpacked
tho rations. The rations had rot some
what mixed. The sardnc box had busted
and "struck ile.n The blackberry pie
had amalgamatcd with the pickles, and the
cherries hid resolved themselves into a
jam.
But was 50 charming to cat your dinner
on the grass beneath the outrageous shade
of the noble trees. So the pretty teacher
observed, as was squeezing the lemons in
Il dinner kettle to make the festive bever-
age which neither cheers nor inebriates,
but frequently stomach aches.
l was startled by piercing shrek from
the pretty teacher, and l dropped half
lemon partly squeezed, and flew to the res
cue. A ''iorrid bug" descending from
the umbraeeous foliage, had ali GIFTED on
her alabaster neck. despatched the crea-
turc, and we concluded to despatch our re-
past.
But insect horrors thickened.
chronological specimens of many vari-
eties intruded upon our banquet; got in
volved i'll the pie and met a watery grave
in the lemonade.
Pretty teacher turned pale, and lost her
appetite. | grew desperate. AS the reck-
less insects wouldn't get out of the way, l
left them to their fate. l ate several indis-
cribable specimens with my sandwiches,
and drank a spider in glass of lemonade.
l survived it. don't know how it agreed
with the spider.
After dinner We resumed our festive
sports. We played Copenhagen, which is
very hilarious sport. 1t consists of chasing
girls under rope, tearing their clothes,
and kissing them.
The girls appear to like it.
The domino, who had been surveying
our sports with benign satisfaction, pro-
posed to improve the occasion to oratory.
just as he was about to hold forth,
proyidental thunder shower extinguished
him, and saved us the infiiction.
We took refuge under seven-by-nine
shed, wisely provided for such contingent
ces, and Cyerhowed the refreshment shan
ty until the shower dried up.
Groves are not Immediately improved by
showers, our festivities were dampened
We began to experience the remorse which
follows dissipation.
Pretty teacher was in tears. She had
ruined her dress by accidentally sitting
down in currant pie. The ice-cream had
all melted, the Strawberries were gone.-
We started in wilted procession for the
cars.
The conductor, being liberal man, gave
us larger lease Of pleasure than we bar
gained for and kept us waiting an hour.
l went to bed early, and dreamed all
night that l was struggling desperately
with gigantic spider, who had carried off
the pretty teacher, and hung her up by
her waterfall on the topmost limb of a big
tree.
Some people like pic-aics, others like
strawberry festivals-but for my part
give me liberty or give death. Yours per-
spiringly.