Daily union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1865-1866, 1866-06-30
Anipn and Smerifan.
SHOOTING FOLLY arr PLIES.
Wy First Adventure with a TiIter.

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Wy First Adventure with THtar.
A broad humorist makes the following
contribution to the st. Louis Republican
Can l forget (this is not sentimental
can Lean / forget that balmy afternoon
when / first beheld Miss FELICIA TuTA-
WAY, in her fitting garments. promenading,
pervading, and permeating Fourth street
II WIS not z want Of sufficient appreciation
Of her captivating appearance-not in token
ofdisrespect or any thing of that kind, that
the involuntary, explosive interrogation es-
capped my lips, upon beholding her, where
is the band ?" II ] was suddenly seized
with the congiction that a circus was
coming, let the erroneous impression be
attributed to my own dizziness Of compre-
hension, and to my limited knowledge of
circuses generally; bat not 10 any visible
excess Of inconsistency in the attire of the
lady aforesaid. Not for worlds!
She, IL ] may be allowed 20 give vent in
plain terms TO the outgGshings Of a sincere
heart, was the very ideal Of female mag
nifcence. She was immense. The Queen
Of Sheba, Cleopatra. or any other representa-
tive of the riches and splendor Of antiquity,
might not have gazed upon her without feel
ings Of envy. Solomon, in his glory, was
trihe compared with her; the Fenian inva-
sion of Canada was nota raid like her. She
was the incarnation and personifcation Of
all that is elegant, admirable and grand !;
red Morocco leather with gold tassels, rose
wood and parsmmons she was chain light
ming on wheels.
was introduced TO her; / basked in the
sunshine Of her delicious smiles was
enamored of her, / was in ecstacies, / was
demoralized. We strolled together abb
sorbed with sweet converse, and the appear
ance of the two Of us was like unto that Of
bean-stalk and pavilion--we were atrikingly
dissimilar.
We had proceeded but a short distance
when ] experienced a singing sensation in
the immediate neighborhood Of the top of
my left boot, as if some hard, sharp sub
stance had been thrust violently against me.
/ paused abruptly. When my companion
inquired what was the matter, / replied with
a very foolish smile, for didn't know, but
/ suspected that some mischievous scamp
had been pitching quoits at my legs. In a
few moments felt another twinge. / bowed,
blushed and stammered a request that /
might be permitted 10 walk on the opposite
side Miss TILTAwAY consented. per-
formed a voyage half around her, and depo-
sited myself about ten feet from the center,
hoping the amplitude of her dress would
shelter me i'm a measure from the missiles
which i was confident we're being hurled at
me from some heartless vagabond in the
vicinity. / was mistaken. In a few min
utes i experienced the same diabolical in
convenience that had annoyed me before ]
changed my base.
A horrible suspicion flashed athwart my
mind. Instantly i directed my attention
and my optics simultaneously toward the
neither border Of Madamoieselle's skirt. (She
was Of French extraction; for convenience
sake i speak Of her as a French extract
She followed suit. Her eyes followed mine,
and we gazed alternately toward the ground
and in each others faces. To the surround
ing multitude, il they observed us, i have
no doubt we were very interesting pair of
spectacles.
But my curiosity and anxiety were salts
fed. / now realized the cause Of my trials
and tribulations. Miss TILTAwAY's skirt,
at the mercy of every trihing gale was
swaying right and left like a ship in a temp
est, and with every gust the wires attacked
my shins with tenfold ferocity. Their ire
gilar oscillations were forcible illustration
ing orator "They wired In and wired OUT
and not only that, but they wired up and
they wired down, ana wired in all other con-
ceiyable directions. Perhaps it is fortunate
was not of a wiery disposition, or | might
have flown into passion. At first i was
willing TO be charitable, and 10 allow that
some accident had occurred to my lady's
robes, but was soon undeceived for almost
every lady we met was similarly situated.
Old and young good-looking and indif-
ierent, great and small, seem TO have been
seized with mania for perpetual fitting
There were stout, oleaginous ladies, evident
ly the wives Of petroleum merchants, whose
skirts tilted slowly and majestically, like
the ears Of an elepant Topping to the sol
emn time Of an East India pageant. Half
fedged boarding-school misses bounced along
on the sidewalk like India-rubber puppets,
while their immaculate little skirts tilted
this way and that way with a rippity-hip-
pippity -devilty. spiitsort Of motion not strict
ly in accordance with the moral precepts Of
most of modern academic institutions And
there were hundreds Of ladies embillowed in
silks of the most extravagant pattern-the
wives of rumsellers, one might suppose, for
their hOunces articulated distinctly with
every rustic "whiskyl' whisky ~ "whis-
kyP all alike however, in their DISPOSE
ton 10 eternal fitting. We struggled through
the promenade that afternoon, and after an
nointing my shins with mutton suet and
nightshade three times day regularly dur
ing one whole week, | began tc exhibit
symptoms of recovery MAY be I'll 90
with n fitting skirt again. |
think ! sec myself