The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-03-27
THE b o Y
RY GEORGE MARTIAL.


Jas, such eyes, and hair, and features, and
manners, l haven't seen, at least.
I must confess that / never saw any
thing particular in other babies, unless it
was that they were curiously mouthed
and fat nosed, and made such dreadful
faces. But William George Arthur God
frey hadn't been in this miserable world
of ours day, before discovered that he
was prodigy. Such an astonishing like
ness to his grandfather-and the Godfrey
nose; and then he commenced to develop
at such very early age.
| Why, he don't even cry like other
children, and the way he walks and talks,
and such legs as be has, and-well |
might exhaust myself and the dictionary,
and still give you no idea of him; but l
can assure you he is worth fortune, lit
erally-for he has cost US one.
The way of it, perhaps my uncle Bob's
diary will explain, which l here append,
without making any remarks on the as
tonishing malignity and pOrverseness of
human nature in general, and old bache-
lor nature in particular.
MY UNCLE BoB's DIARY.
"During period of twenty years, l
have never omitted the entry of each
day S occurrences, under its proper head
ing and date, but the severe illness which
ensued as the consequence of the distress
sing events | am about to record. has
broken in on the regularity that all else
failed to shake, and probably gone far
towards hurrying me to an early grave.
{ He was sixty then, reader.
.In an evil hour, six weeks ago, re-
solved to visit my nephew, George Cod
frey, whom | have always regarded as an
inoffensive man, not overwise, or he
wouldu't have taken to himself a wife
but then he was rather to be pitied than
blamed for that.
81 had several reasons. In the first
place. | was tired Of the hotel, its cook
cry, its walters, and its noise, and wanted
change. In the second place, there
was widow who had made such'a dead
set at ne, that |, being prudent man,
felt that my only safety lay in fight
Thirdly, | was tired of running over
children In the halls, and having their
soup spilled in my lap at dinner. | hate
children; | suppose l was one once my
self, but how | could have been anything
so disagreeable, l can't imagine; but as
my neither insists that tits fact, | have
been obliged to concede the fact, though
why on earth sensible people should use
that as an argument to persuade me to
let the little wretches tread on my toes
pull my hair, and daub me with ginger
bread, [ am at loss to conceive. Mel
ther can understand why there is always
baby next to me in the omnibus, why
I always have to give up my seat in the
cars to a baby, and that no less hateful
Iappendage-a nurse-or why, above all
things in the world, my nephew George
who never offended me in his life, should
Iof all men in the world, have baby,
II heard it cry as drove up, and my
better angel warned me to fly; but, driver
| by fate, l refused to believe the evidence
4 of my senses-I settled it that that SOUND
came from the next house (for which
sincerely ask the houses pardon,) and
rushed into my nephew embrace, to be
Icoufronted with--a baby.
! "'Here's the boy,uncle. said my neph
lew, suacking his lips as though he were
lconYeying an agreeable piece of intelli-
Igence; isn't he fine fellow? Look al
those legs and that eye! Did you evel
see such an eyer
~ caught glimpse of pair of thick
Ired legs and white head; but befereI
could open my mouth, the boy made :
I dart at me, and had the rufle of my shirt
i II always wear rufled shirts) bedaubed
with moIasses quicke. than can tell it.
/ "'Just see shat, uow! erowed my
nephew. How spry he is, and what no.
tice he takesl He has an eye for fneryl
1 "<Deah, little pootsy tootsy, cackled
his wife. dit it like uncle-kiss he un-
Gle, tweet, now.
Il recoiled in horror. l am happy to
say the baby did the same. tits the only
Iredeemiug trait in his character, and
recall it with pleasure. Not all the coax
ling aud threatening, nor promises ofsu
gar or slaps could induce him to advance
even for an Instant, his pulling, beslob
bered, cheese-like face, toward mine; anf
no little delighted at escaping SO easily,
sat down to dinner. @
my nephew, who was not altogether
without sense before he married, sugges
ted the removal of The Boy, as he called
it, to the nursery, but the moment tho
nurse appeared, the interesting infant be
gan to war. Instantly all was confusion
and terror. My nephew left the soup tt
cool on the table, his wife snafched th'
sugar bowl from the side table, whilo
held myself down by the arms of th'
. chair, to restrain the growing inclination
felt to go to their assistance with m,
cane.
"Politeness conquered, and SO did tn
baby. after ten minutes of squirming
kicking and howling; and having been tri
umphantly installed in a high chair mex
me, the soup was served out.
: "sHe's such spirited little fellow!
said my nephew's wife.
Q "sPlenty of pluck he has, chinied in M
!, nephew. Hell make his way througl
o the world-he's a true Godfrey. Do yo,
9 know, uncle, we think he strongly resen
bles your 3' 7' 9
s '.If / could have believed such thin
possible, as that at any time Of my life
could eycl have borne the faintest shade,
Of resemblance to that mealy, leering ba
by, I would at once have ordered M