Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1866-03-15
How to Keep a Hotel.


First, don't call it a tavern, or an inn OF
a hotel, even.
Call it House, and name it after some
great capitalist, big Indian, or Saint
"Morton. Peto House," or "Whoop-de-Doo
die House, that sounds very we'll and
takes the travellers ear.
Nothing is so vulgar as to court bagmen's
and traders custom, as you will seem to dc
by naming your establishment Merchants +,
"City," or "Commercial."
These suggests second. class affair at once
Be sure and establish an immense barber
shop on the ground floor.
It causes a grateful odor of the Balm Of
a Thousand Flowers and Night. Blooming
Cereus to perVade the atmosphere, and eft,
fectually subdues and overcomes other and
less agreeable smells, as for instance, cock
roacher and cookery.
Ifyou can hire an Irishman cheap enough,
let one man do nothing but swab the mar
bic ball with grease water all day long il
conveys an idea of clealiness to the guests
at night, when few are about, it is of little
consequence.
said "guests," and here is point you
should, by no means neglect.
Be careful in speaking of your dodgers, in
printed notice and the like, to use that term
1t is refined, and puts them on their be-
havior at once.
Procure we'll dressed clerk, with curly,
black hair, if possible, to stand at the
desk, and by all means insist on his wear
ing diamonds.
Seedy visitors will take no liberties with
such man.
When traveller comes in he is not to no.
tice him for the space of five minutes, al
least; it puts the obligation at once where ii
belongs.
You take him in, not be you.
1t is an excellent device to have the nun
bers of your chambers reversed from the
old plan i. e., let them begin to count from
the roof.
Thus when the guests sees the clerk put
"No TO-" for instance, opposite his name
Oh the register, he departs satisfied, and is
too much exhausted and cowed by the time
he discovers it's whereabouts to make any
complaint
Instruct your clerk that it is not his bus
iness to know anything about departing
trains and steamboats,.
Also, if your house happens to be in a
country town, to add one dollar day in.
variably to all New Workers. bills.
They will not think much of your house
otherwise.
When guest has paid bis bill and is about
to depart, let the clerk ask cheerfully,-
(which way DO you 60, Mr.. Robinson?'
Some persons are SO easily imposed up
op, that the extraordinary fact of highly
bedizened clerks knowing their names two
minutes after reading them on the register
tickles them tremendously.
In regard to the dining room, you cannot
have too impudent an IrishmaD as head
waiter.
1t should be his duty when guest en-
ters the room, no matter how empty it may
be, to take him in convoy and make him
walk the entire length of it before assigning
him seat.
1t not only serves to impress the gran.
deur of the apartment upon him but inva-
riably disconcerts bashful men, so that they
devour their meals meekly and make no
troublesome requests.
Ladies should be served in the same way
for exactly contrary reasons
1t affords them fue opportunity to dis.
play their clothes, and puts them in good
humor.
Let the sexes be kept religiously apart
while feeding, unless in the case of husband
and wife,
Married men travelling alone will suffer
so much from the dearth of female society,
that the next time they will probably bring
their wives.
1t will scarcely be nessesary to make any
suggestions in regard to extra charges in
the bill, as. they will naturally occur to the
feeblest of landlords
You should always however charge for q
fire in winter in every room that has convent
ences for it., and if demonstrated with, re
ply that it is "rule of the house," and the
guest might have had it.
This phrase you will find of immense
service on all sorts of occasions.
Let all your employees be particular to
style the hotel omnibus, "coach," and a
gents wife, his "lady."
These little elegancies cost nothing, and
gild the surface Of life Immensely.
Procure the largest Chinese gong you
can fud to awaken your guests in the morn,
ing and call them to meals.
They will conclude that your house is a
stunning affair
A negro will probably beat it more thor.
oughly than white man.
Also, Oh the counter, in the Office, keep
an immese hammer bell.
A judcious clerk will produce very
humbling effect upon modest guest by
striking it rapidly four or five times when be
is asking absurd questions.
Follow these suggestions carefully, and
you will 60 far to prove the truth of Emer.
sons aphorism that "travel is the fools par
adise "-Ro6inson, IN the Neeo York Sat,
urday Press
nv. nonntru nnhonl taanhar nrana rinn