Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1866-02-08
"The Happiest Day of my Life.' -


in not choosing Niobe for the Goddess of Mar
ragc. Hymen is by fir too jolly, he is all
srniIes-more of the hyena than the crocodile:
whilst Niebe is Just as she ought to be-all
tears. There never vet was marriage that
was nota perfect St Swithin affair. Noone
unless he has the soul of gutta percha, thor
oughly water proofEshould think Of going 10
a wedding with less than two pocket handker-
chiefs and even chen, sponge is better adap-
ted to the Joyful occasion" Men take wives
as they do pills, with plenty of water, except
ing, indeed, when the "little things are well
/ Gilt. Ifa kind of Matrimonial barometer were
kept in each family, and its daily indications
as TO the state of the weather at the fireside ac
tually registered, we have no doubt that on the
average being taken, the following results
would be arrived at:
7s BEFORE MABRIAGE...-............ Fair.
= During sMARRIAss Stormy.
81 AFTER MARRIAGE. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
MeteorologicalIy speaking, it would be highly
interesting could we arrive at knowledge Of
the exact amount of I" doc prevailing during
courtship Nobody can feel more truly wretch
ed than on the happiest day of his life. A
wedding is even more melancholy than a fune-
raj. The bride weeps for everything and
nothing. At first she is hcart-brokcn, because
she is about to leave her Ma and Pa; then be-
cause she hopes and trusts George will always
! love her: and, when no other excuse is left,
she bursts into tears because she is afraid he
will not bring the ring with him. Mamma,
too, is determined to cry for the least thing
Her dear, dear girl is going away, and she is
certain something dreadful is about to happen.
At church the wateris laid onat eye-service;
indeed the whole party look so wretched, no
one would imagine that there was "happy
pair among them. When papa gives away
his darling child, he does it withasmany sobs as
though he were handing her over to thefiercest
polygamist since Henry WILL. instead of be-
slowing her on one who loves his "1amb, = re-
gardless of the I" mint sauce that accompanies
her. The bridegroom sniyels, either because
crying is catching, or because he thinks he
ought for decencys sake. to appear deeply
moved; and the half dozen bridesmaids are
sure to he all weeping; because everybody eclse
weeps.1 When the party return home, how
ever the thoughts of the breakfast cheer them
NJ. a little :. and the bridesmaids in particular
feel quite resigned to their fate. Asif they
had grown hungry by crying, or the tears had
lcEetted their appetite, they drown their cares
for while in the white soup tureen, Q
. Then the father gets up, and after short
and pathetic eulogium upon the virtues of that
sweet girl" whom he loves as his own flesh
and blood thumps the table, and tells the COM
pany that any one who would not treat her
properly would be a scouadrd." Upon this
every one present turns round to look and frown
at the wretchcd villain of a bridegroom, and
then they all fall to weeping again. But 50
strongly has the feeling set in against the new
sonn--in-law, nj that it is only by a speech Of the
deepest pathos, that he can persuade the con-
pany that he has not the least thought Of mur-
dering or indeed even assaulting his wife AT
last the mother, bride, aud bridesmaids retire
to say, :sGood-bye," and have cry all togeth-
er up stairs. Then the blessing and tlieweep1
ing begin again with renewed yigor, The
bridesmaids cry till their noses are quite red,
and their hair is as straight as if they had been
bathing. And when the time comes for the
happy pair to leave, in order to catch the
train for Baltimore then the mother. father,
sisters, brothers, bride, bridegroom, brides
maids, and every soul in the house, all cry, even
down to the old cook, who knowed her ever
sirre. she were a baby in long clothes, '-as if
the young couple were about being " transpor-
ted Tor life - in the literal rather than the fgu-
-ratiye sense Of the term.
| To PERsoSs. ABOUT TO MARRY.-A Persian