Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-04-19

government lahu, plOWeu Dy government
horses, titled by government laborers, plant
ed by government seeds. and the products
what becomes thereof? That's the ques-
ton. Nice pea vines grow and produce
abundantly; beans climb up the polished
poles and are freighted with pregnant pods !;
sweet corn waves in the May morning ze-
phyrg. and ripens to delicious roasting ears
under the warm spring sun; beautiful roses
bloom their tender petals opening their IN
nocent eyes from dewy slumber at the first
blush Of June aurora, and emit their, rich,
| fresh'fragrance; melons swell up to plethora
with their red, luscious pulp, and mature
before the first premonition of autumnal
| frosts-yet have we any "record of one
pea, a single bean, or an ear OF maize,
rose bud, a melon or a melon seed, being
added to the 6. stock in trade" of the de-
partment Of agriculture No, not one; FOR
the only item showing source Of revenue
to the department is one speaking Of the
sale Of forty nine bushels of damaged wheat,
| for SOB 30 1t is said that the white house
is never forgotten when the good things of
this Uncle Sam farm are in season. 1t is
said, land it is not my province to comment
on the veracity of the " reporter" but to
simply confne myself to evident facts that
the splendid water melons of that renowned
" truck patch " go to the palates of the pale
occupants of the palatial executive mansion,
and to the cool cellars and iced larders OF
the sage cabinet ministers, who are not con-
stituiionaly opposed to such good things OF
this mundane spherold.
3. Now we come to little bill Of Sl3,-
301 05 paid for experimenting in truck
patch No. 2. People of good, common horse
sense will think | am joking, and that this
is hoax as egregious as the moon hoax !;
but 'tisn't. 1t is a literal reality. field
of probably ten acres-from which not a
pea or bean or 'yerb or a japonica or
cantelope has been raised-a field has
been plowed and narrowed and measured
with red tape, all for the small pittance Of
thirteen thousand dollars We have been
laboring under melancholy hallucination
out West concerning our mode OF practical
agriculture and its results, and have been
Boosting Of our great pecuniary success. In
these crude conclusions we have been happy.
When ignorance is bliss, it's folly to be wise,
it is said, but let us enlightef little, and
ascertain what effect it will have on our OPP
teal organs and our calculations Here, in
the District of Columbia, Sir Isaac Newton
can pay $4,000 for preparing o field Of
ten acres for planting. and yet stand bril-
liant chance make a fortune This
proves how we are in our notions of
Western farming. Who could do so out
there ? / say it, and | say it boldly, that
all 'syou 'uns" who want to know how to
do it must come and experiment on the
truck patches of the United States govern
ment. What you can't learn how to pro-
duce, probably you can learn how to pocket,
and that is practical science!
But hasten TO glance at another item.
The cute infantile amount which has been
paid for horse feed, hire and STIMULATION
looms u to the gigantic proportion of
S4,067. Sir Isaac owns gray mare, Nag
gle, which carts his lovely carcass hilher
and yon. For the hire thereof he debited
Uncle Sam, $50 per month, and in her seri-
Gus cereal support he went "snooks," for
the sums paid for keep" of horses would
keep a fourishing livery in sleek condition,
and leave comfortable balance for whisky
punches and refreshments concomitant. |
might analyze further. | forbear.
COMMENTS.
"a fool and his greenbacks parted"
Personally | have no cause to complain
of Sir Isaac Newton. He used to sell me
when l was a friendless sojourner in the
city of Friends, cheap dish of ice cream
1t was white and sweet Of pure home made
tactical secretions, fresh from his own real
estate and the nearest hydrant. Then he
had cakes,-genuine gingerbread Ito sell,
as all great minds, ever burdened with the
taxing studies of scientific pursuits, must
have as recreation" Isaac never spoke
unkindly to me during the tenure of his
earthly career to data. Nor did he ever
write me wicked line. The fact is, we are
Z" brothers." and with him | am at calmest
peace. | have no reason 10 doubt his dis
interested love for me, as for all mankind,
and his readiness at any moment to appoint
me his chief clerk or executor. True, |
don't know him personally ,-but am sorry
to find that all that numerous class of mend
icants who never ate dish of his celebrated
ice creams in Philadelphia, or any of that
golden butter from his spring house, or
melons from his National truck-patch, or
shifted near or afar off the perfumes of his
roses, or tasted the sweets of his numerous
subordinate elerkships,-al other vaga-
bonds Of the land think Sir Isaac Newton
4" a GORGEOUS ass"
The universal opinion of him may be ina
gined from the fact that Agricultural State
Boards of all the New England States, of
Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, Michigan,
and Minnesota, have appealed to the Presi-
dent for his immediate displacement by the
substitution of a man who can, at least,
show knowledge of commonest English or
biography, and who can write at least one
sentence dramatically.
That he is a consummate fool, no one
doubts. He sent 8 special envoy to China
for the purpose of ascertaining the mode the
Chinese had of making sugar and syrup
from the Chinese or sorghum cane. He
writes back: Strange as it may appear,
can not find in their agricultural works, or
in actual practice, the slightest evidence that
the Chinese cultivate sorgho for any other
purpose whatever than for chewing or suck
ing the stalks. The plant is not considered
a valuable product by the Chinese,
for do not believe there are twenty acres
on the whole island nea Shanghai"
Every agricultural newspaper in the land
demands his removal and the star of Beth
lehem has arisen, for the President has
stated TO the Secretary of the New England
Society Hon. Daniel Needham) his determ-
ination TO put competent man in his stead.
Yet, midst all, Sir Icaac sits in his chair of
State, famous and contented.
UAlF AN INDICATION OF GHARACTER.-UD-
serving persons move slow, their heads move
alternately from side TO side. while they oc-
casionally stop and turn around Careful
people lit their feet high and place them
down fiat and firm. Sometimes they stoop
down, pick up some little obstruction and
place it quietly by the side of the way
Calculating persons generally walk with
their hands in their pockets and their heads
slightly inclined. Modest persons general
~ step softly, for fear of being observed
Timid persons often step off from a side
walk on meeting another, and always go