South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1866-10-05
W.T. AND IIVJNror


gro IN market who had been called on by a.
mother negro to know ifa fifty cent note he
had just taken wasgood. After closely OK.
aiming the note, aud turning it over two
or three times, he informed him that the
note was counterfeit, but not yrnc.c. rine
counterfeit.
1S"1sn't it pleasant to be surrounded
by such n crowd of ladies' ?" said a pretty
woman to popular lecturer eyes," said
be, "but it would be plcasantcr to be sur
rounded by one"
b@- You would not take mc for twcntyy,
said a nice girl to her partner while dane
ing few evenings ago; "what would you
take me for?" "For better, or for worse"
replied he.
b@-Tears arc natures lotion for the eyes.
The eyes sec better for being washed with
them.
sS-"A little more animation, my dear"
whispered lady B, to the gentle Susan,
who was walking through quadrillc. ado
l""vc me To manage mA own business, man.
ma replied the proviIcnt damscl al
shall not dance my ringlcts out of curl for
married man." "Of course not, my love,
but was not aware who your partner was"
Bd0Onc Of those dcvotccs to mammon, a
worthless millionaire, once received lesson
from an humble man, who did not seem to
pay him sufficient homage. lie said: ado
kppru that Al. -
pounds" eyes," said the irritatcd, but
not brokcn.spiritcd respondent, 81 do; and
know that is dN you rnrth.'
@-A povcrty stricken Frcncl,man being
aroused by his wife one night with the cry:
acct ur, Jacques, there's r"bbcr in the
house," calmly answered: "IIush don't
let us disturb him. Let him ransack the
house, & if he finds anything of value, we'll
then get up and take it away from him"
Ea-A little boy some six years old was
using his slate and pencil on Sunday,
when his father, who was 4 minister, enter
cd and said "My son, prefer that you
should not uso your slate on the Lords
day" 81 am drawing meeting houses, IA
thcr," was the prompt reply.
1as"A young lady writes, Indignantly, to
us to "know when We arc going to let hoops
alone 7" We assure our fair correspondent
that we never trouble oursclf about hoops
unless there is woman in them
DRUNK AS TO THE LEGs.-Robert Viii
son was brought before Justice Milikcn re-
Gently charged with intoxication. lie plead
cd "half-guilty," stating that he could drink
good deal, and be perfectly sensible
His head always remained clear, but his
knees went off too freely, and he became
drunk below his hips.
The officer found him on door step, at
an early hour in the morning. Leaning
back little he was striking at his legs, and
was abusing them in the fcrccst manner for
their base and contemplate conduct
81 have lived with you for nearly thirty
years; I have fed and clothed you; have
got you good and nice pantaloons, and COM
Portable drawers. And now, at this hour
Of the night, when it is wet, and I want to
go home, you 60 back on mc, and leave me
in this place. Now, aren't you ashamed of
yourselves pretty pair that you arc?-
From this time on, I'm going to treat you
differently. I believe I'll begin now, con-
found you-you shall have wctting.'
With that no began to take off his panta-
looms, but the scandalzcd officer arrested
him. He was fined SO and departed, muir
muring vengeance against his cxtremitics:
-Chicogo Republican.
16-Why is the "iSo"M Branch MtcNi-
genccr" like "BHowN's well stocked (ou-
.Eectiona,y?" Because it is filled with ma
ny good things.
I0~A sailor observing tailor at work
whose waistcoat was patched over with an
endless variety of different pieces of cloth,
cried out to his mate:
"Look yc, Jack-did you ever sec so ma.
ny sorts of cabbage growing on one stump"
I@-A pretty young Amcricancss, whose
christian name is Anna, on receiving cigar
from young gentleman who had not pluck
enough to say he wished to marry her,
twirled it playfully beneath her nose, and,
looking archly at him, popped the question
thus: "Havc-Anna"
I6y~Thc RAIDS call President johnson
1.-THE Great Usurpcr," whcrcupon friend
remarks that he will be found the great use
upper of the Radicals