Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1866-11-22
Sflistellaneous.
Artemus Ward in London

ArCenuS Waro III bOuuou.
Mr.. Punch, My Dear Sir Il was lit
tie disapinted in not receiviu invitation tt
line in the meetins of the Social Science
Congress.
don't exackly see how they got on with,
out me.
hope it wasn't the intentions of the
Sciencers to exclood me from their delibra.
tions.
Let it pars do not repine. Let u:
remember Homer. Twenty cities claim
Homer dead, thro' which the livin Mr. Ho
mer couldn't have got trusted for a sand,
wich and glass Of bitter beer, or words tc
that effeck.
But perhapsit was oversight. Certain
ly I have been Hospitality received in this
country. Hospitality has been pored al
over me. At Liverpool was asked to walk
over the docks, which are nire miles long
and l don't remember instance since my
rival in London of my gettin into cat
without Briten comm and perlitely shut
in the door for me, and then extendin hi:
open hand toards me, in the most freoly
manner possible. Does be not by this sim.
pie yit tuchin gesture, welcum me to Eng
land? Doesn't he? Oh, yes-I guess be
doesn't lie. And it's quite right among
two great countries which speak the same
lapgwidge, except as regards HIS And I've
been allowed to walk round all the streets
Even at Buckingham Pallis told gard
wanted to walk round there, and he said
could walk round there l ascertained sub
sequently that be referd to the sidewalk in.
std of the Pallis-but 1 couldn't doubt his
hospital feelins.
1 prepared a Essy on Animals to read
before the Social Science meetips 1t is 8
subjeck I may truthfully say have success.
fully wrastled with. tackled it when only
uiDeteen years old. At that tender age
writ Essy for lit'ry Instoot, entitled is
Seats to be Trusted p Of the merits OF
that Essy it doesn't becum me to speak,
but l may be excoosed for mentioniu that
the Instoot parsed a resolution that "wheth
er we look upon the length of this essy, oil
the manner in which it is written, We fee
that we will not express any opinion of it.
and we hope it will be read in other towns. y
OF course the essy l writ for the Social
Science Society is more fnisheder pro
ductiou than the one on Cats, which was
wroten when my mind was crood and afore
had mastereda graceful and ellygant stile
of composition. I could not even puuctoo
ate my sentences proper at that time, and
observe with pane, on lookin over this efor
of my yooth, that its beauty is in one or too
instances mard by ingrammaticismS. This
was uuexcusable, and I'm surprised l die
it. A writer who can't write in gram
merly manner better shut up shop.
You shall hear this Essy on Animals
Some day when you have four hours to spare
I'd read it to you l think you'll enjoy it
Or, what will be much better, if [ ma.
suggest-omit all the picturs in the mex
weeks Punch, and do not let your contrib
utors write anything whatever, Qet then
have a holiday; they can 60 to the British
Mooseum J and publish my Essy entire
1t will fill all your collumes full, and creat
comment. Does this proposition strlk
you? Is it a 60?
In case l had read the Essy to the So
cial Sciencers, l had intended it should b.
the closing attraction. l had intended i
should finish the proceedins [ think
would have finished them. [ understand
animals better than any other class of hu
man creatures. l have a very animal mind
and I've been identified with 'em docri
my entire professional career as Snowman
more especial bears, wolves, leapardS ant
serpunts.
The leopard is as lively animal as
ever came into contack with. 1t is troo h
cannot change his spots, but you can chang
'em for him with paint brush, as ono
did in the case of leopard who WASH
naturally spotted in attractive manner
To exhibitin him l used to stir him up II
bis cage with protracted pole, snd for th
uurpuss of maxim him yell and kick up ii
a Jeopardy manner, used to 'casionall. ].
whack him over the head. This woul'