The Van Buren press., 1866-05-26
An Unlucky Dutchman and his Troubles
"who's Pen Here Since / Pen Gone"

Hillhickor Snicksnaker, a Teutonic ven
der of sour krout, wooden combs, crude
cabbage, striped mittens, cotton suspend
els, and such " little dings," with true pa
triotic zeal, left his home in La Crosse, at
the commencement of the war, and enlist
ed a, slop-grocery keeper, behind the suit
ler's tent, on the Potomac When he went
away twas with the intention of making
moniSh, if it took all summer, and nobly
did he fight it out on his line. How he
did it is best told as he told it to us on his
return last week
You see, Mr.. Bumroy, der drum peets,
und der call comes to war nit arms. lse
pc patriotic so much as Sheneral Wasburn,
or Sheneral Curtis, or Sheneral Bangs, or
any dem Shcnerals Bangs, what lives to
comes home great fellers So l buys some
little dings, und get some bapers from der
War Kommittee, und goes nit ter poys
ter pc batrots, und sell some little dings,
and make some monish. | kiss mine vrow
five, nineteen times, und goes NIT der war.
l goes to Shambersburg, urd makes much
monish. Un day | poke mine window
out un mine head to hear der serenade und
dink of Something's, ven | see Shtonwall
Shackson, NIT his droops und der pig prass
pand coming down der street, playing like
der tyful on der prass pand
"Who's pin here sinceI pin gomez
"Dat Shtonewall Shackscn is der tuy-
full nit fighting, und butts my monish in
my booklet, und mine little papers in mine
pag, and goes so quick as never was to Get
tyspurg. Und dere | opens more sthore
and sells some more little dings. And un
day hears men under horsepaek riding
down dc sthreet like dunder, und den |
pokes der winder Under mine head und
looks out mineself up der sthreet, und dere
comes dat tuyful, Sheneral Shtonewall
Shackson, blaying dat same old tune as !
heard pefore, f8 stG
"Who's pin here since pin gone p
Den makes mine monish come inter
mine booklets, and makes mine pag come
into mine bapers, und put mine sign on
der pig store on der corner, so loose more
goods as had not got, and den / goes to
Wisconsin to see mine frow as | have no
seen in deesc two years, so long time as
never wash.
Den / comes home, and knocks on der
door, und my frow she makes talk, und
tell me /" who's dere ?" .,
Den say, "Hillihicker Snicksnacker,"
und she knows dat is my name, und she
makes herself come out of der house, und
give nine, seven times kiss on mine face
as good as never wash. 1tE
. Den, Mr.. Bumroy, / look nit mine eyes
und sees Something's Un / ask mine
vrow If she's been married since / go of
to pc batriot, and if she be no got mar
ried, why she make much grow when l be
gone NIT de wars p? Und l gets so mad as
ter tyful, and / dinks of dat dam Sheneral
Sthonewall Shackson, und his pig prass
pand, und l sings.
Who's pin here since pin gone"
Und now, Mr.. Bumroy, somepody make
trouble nit me for i was pen gone more as
two years, und knows Something's, and |
goes back nit der war, und / sings deI
Sthonewall Shackson song all der way.
- Keep your thoughts to yourself
let. your actions speak. BE not overwise,
lest your lack of knowledge betray you.
-"Is anybody waiting on you y
said dry.goods clerk to a girl from the
country.
EYES, sir" said the blushing damsel,
"that's my feller outside he wouldn't
come ln."
--"Kcep all thou hast-gct all thou
canst."
-" Mother, ! shouldn't be surprised
if our Susan gets chokcd some day"
Why, my son -
Because John Wipsy twisted his arms
around heI kneck the other night, and il
she hadn't kissed him to let her go, he