The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1866-03-08
Thad. Stevens Yaller Gal ON tho
Rampage.

Aa@ReSScs
The editor of the Lancaster, Pa,
Intelligencer is in imminent danger.
Hear what he says:
Yesterday afternoon, we were
favored with visit from a slady of
high decree in this city. She
claims to stand high in social life,
and is of the fashionable hue-about
the color of q new saddle. She has
long presided over the household
affairs of that grim old Mephistoph-
clean septuagenarian who so admi-
| rably represents the sparse negro
population of Lancaster County, and
so completely misrepresents the
voters of this Congressional District,
by ignoring everything that seems to
have anything that seems to have
any relation to the white race.
We are proverbially polite, especi-
ally to the ladies. Being bachelor,
we have an amiable weakness that
way. Whether they may be maid,
widow or blooming matron, we are
always at their command. Recogniz-
ing the voice which accosted us from
behind as that of female, though it
was somewhat cracked, and little
harsh withal, we turned around with
our courtliest smile. Judge, reader,
| of our amazement when we saw be-
fore US a dingy termagant, laboring
under intense excitement, with eyes
that flashed a vengeful fire. A tor
rent OF accusing words issued from
| her lips. We were amazed, stunned,
stupefied. Before we could recover
our accustomed equanimity, the very
imposing form of the most corpulent
member of our firm appeared upon
the scene of action, when the follow
ing dialogue ensued:
Thad. Stevens housekeeper-Why
why did you publish me in your pa
per -?
Our corpulent partner-Qn pecu-
iarly bland tone of voice, for which
he is noted. Madame, when did we
publish you in the paper What do
you mean ??
Thad: Stevens housekeeper--Didn't
you call me Mr.. Stevens idol?
Our partner-(With roguish leer
In his eye. Are you his idol
Old Thad's housekeeper-Excited-
ly, and with O convulsive gasp that
threatened to choke her. )-No-no!
Our partner-(With one of his
broadest smiles. )-Why, then, ma
dame, do you apply it to yourself?
Mr.. Stevens housekeeper-(With
wonderfully self-important air. IL
have been waited upon by more than
dozen highly respectable white la
dies and gentlemen, all of whom have
insisted that I ought to come and de-
mand an apology.
Our partner-(With towering dig
nifty commensurate with the OCCASION.
Madame, we have no apology to make.
Hon. (?) Thaddeus Stevens house
keeper With the air of one who
would protect another You are al
ways abusing Mr. Stevens.
Our partner-(With glow of pa
trlotic excitement)-Mr. Stevens acts
are public property, and we have yet
to learn that we must consult you in
regard to what we shall say of them
or him. Are you his keeper?
Housekeeper Of our Congressman
Indignantly NO.! But I have
plenty of backing-lots of it-white
at that.
Our partner-(Savagely)-
didn't you send some Of your white
hackers here? We might have known
better how to deal with them.
Old Thad's housekeeper-In
fury)-If-if ever-if ever my name
appears in your paper again, + will
will-cow-hide the editor!
Exit the tan-colored termagant, in
a fury-slamming the door behind
her.
The yearly mortality of the globe
is 33, 333, 333 persons This is at the
rate of 91,554 per day, $3.50 per
hour, so per minute. So each pulsa-
ton Of orr heart marks the decease
of some human creature. The aver
age of human life is 33 years. Three
tenths of the population die at or
before the age of 4 years-one-half at
or before Al years. Among 1000
persons, one arrives at the age of 100
years, one in 100 att ains the age of
80, and one in 5 lives to the age Of
IS. Married men I've longer than
single ones. In 1000 persons, IS
marry, and more marriages occur in
June and December than in any other
months. Professions exercise great
influence on longevity. In 1000 in
dividuals who arrive at the age of 70
years, 40 are priests, orators or public
speakers; 40 are agriculturists, 33 are