Des Arc citizen., 1866-08-11
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

&.s 5t AlFf3tlhff t liA ---A young man without money is like Q steamboat without fuel. He can't go ahead. Among the ladies he is like the moon of cloudy night--he don't shine. xitla gaa sa-4Why is the Ffeedmen's Bureau like well ground gun powder? Because it is fine thing--in horn.
 "What are you looking after, dangh. ter9" said an old man at christmas party.
 s.Looking after son-in law for you, father," was the reply.
 = Why is embracing your sweetheart like eating soup with fork? Because it takes long time to get enough of it. ,f sfE Y "A fellow was '.hauled up''s the other day for kissing lady in an olnnibns. His excuse was that shed been bussed from one end of the city to the other. 9e M We notice in one of our Indiana ex- changes the marriage of Dr. Thomas N.Lyon to Miss Molic Lamb Another scriptural prophecy in course of ful6llment. 1.-The lion and the lamb shall lie down together" and, after awhile, "a little child willie them" ------General Sheridan in refusing to allow monuments to be erected to the Confederate dead, erects monument to himselfs
 --s'Ilave you broken your horse" inquir- ed a horse jockey.
 "No, not exactly replied Simon butIvc broken two or three wagons" 1gf
 Josh Billings says, s.There is only one advantage that can. see in going tew the devil and that is the road is easy, andy are sure to get there" aafe 9slfE9a
 -"Jack," said Q man just entering his teens, ssyour fathers drowned.'' "Darn it." replied the young hopeful, "he's got my knife in his pocket." sAa ssas
 ----A jealous husband being absent From home went to clairvoyaut in London to know what his wife was doing. .- An, ,"'spried the clairuoyant, II see her she expectssome one; the door opens; he comes; she caresses him fondly he lays his head onsher lap, and husband mad with rager-sshe wags his tail" 1t was the dog The husband was calmed.
 ---A young lady having purchased an as- sortlnent of music store, on returhihgto her carriage, recollecteda piece she had neglect cd to buy. ..Sir.' said she, on entering the store, .therc is one4thing have forgotten, and which must now re iucst ycu to give mea' ssAnd what is thatg" asked the young music seller. .sIt is, sir, One Kind Kiss Be- fore we Part" The gay youth, yaulting sim ultaneously over the counter. saliitcd the fair stranger. He lost his heart and his situa- ton.
 -----'sMadam, your boy cannot pass at half fare; he is too large" said the conductor of . railway train, which had long been detained on the road by the snow.
 "IIe may De too large now, said the matron, '.but he was small enough when we started"
 The conductor gave in, and the boy passed for half fare. jsg8 ss4se
 ---A s'reb' who had languished on the sweets of forced likeness, consequent upon his occupation having terminated with Lees surrender, began to look about him for some thing to be, to do or to suffer. Thinking himself sufficiently reconstructed, he applied for work at one of the departments, presided over bysa Federal officer. A sa~
 ssHave you been in the rebel scrvice?" he was asked. sst s 9tfaH8
 s.Yes, sir" was thercply.
 "In any battles ?''
 sAbout eighteen pitched battles, sir"
 '.Ever killed any Yankeeg 84
 '.No sir, never killed any"
 'How do you know that2"
 sWell, I couldn't kill any of Mem.
 sWhy was that ?"
 "Bccause they were all to' tho rear specula- ting; butt reckon l slayed about. thousand Dutch and Irish" e~ sx
 We did not learn whether thecandor of this reb secured him place or not, but it certainly was deserving of some recognition.