Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1866-07-24
Turning the Tables.

am ana his lady betorethey made the acquain-
tance of the serpent, was not to be mentioned
in the same breath.
They kissed each other between every cup
OF coffee, and made practice of embracing
at least twice-sometimes thrice-durine eye
cry meal. Just now, they were speaking of
disagreements. Some friends ,cf theirs had
fallen out and reiGSel to fall ii aSgain.
I'VE never will disagree, will We7 Phil,
dear Z" asked, Mrs. Fanny = = -
Disagree twill the heavens fall 7".returned
Phil, tragically.
Il sincerely hope not. 1t would be de-
cidedly disagreeable," laughed Fanny "but
II, thought we should ever quarrel, and have
thoughts towards each other, should be
tempted to terminate my existence /"
"NIy precious Fanny!" cried Phil, spring
ing up and upsetting the toast plate on the
carpet, of which he was entirely oblivious in
his eagerness to get his arms around Fanny
''NIy little foolish darling as if we should
ever be SO absurd Ga kiss.) May be drawn
| and quartered (another kiss) if ever I speak
one word that shall cause tear to fill the di-
vine eyes of my dearest "a third explosion)
Fanny !"
SO, how happy you make me, Phil I
shall try SO hard to be just the faithful, 10y
ing wife you deserve. Nov finish your break
fast, deary. The toast win be growing cold.
And oh, Phil did you notice Mrs, Smiths
horrid new bonnet last night?S I declare
it destroyed all my pleasure in the music l.
do wish people who will wear such untaste-
full bonnets would stay at home from those
| delightful concerts p
$50 do 1, Fanny noticed the uglything
the moment we entered the hall! Blue flow
ers and pink ribbons, and she dark as a
Creole !'
"No, my love, the flowers were green
green and blun lnolr 90 o1;bo L.,
light" .,.....-.-
II know they do. but noticed it SO par
tlcular that could not be deceived. Blue
especially. light blue-looks fearfully on
dark complexioned person V'.s.;,
$50 it does, Phil, / quite agree With you,
dear. But the flowers were not blue, they
were green. [ saw them at Mrs. Grays shop
before they were purchased"
"My dearest Fanny, of course you think
yourself right, my love, but 1 have a very
good eye for color, and noticed these flowers
with great attention. Blue anemones with
yellow centres"
:. Green hibiscus with white centres my
dear Phil. Very pretty for light skinned
woman, but horrid for brunette !'
",Why, Fanny how absurd AS if I
could not determine color when studied
! it half the eveuingp'
"But it was By, gas-light, my love. It
would look altogether different by daylight.
1t was such pale green."2
''It was such pale blue. T remember, I
thought of the sky before a Storm: : =,
"And I thought of the sea. It was nearly
a sea green !"
"Why, Fanny! ridiculous! 1t was sky
How you do contradict me my dear Phi
lemon. 1t was a very light green"
"And l insist it was blue "'
'Do you mean to tell me lie 2"
II mean to tell you you are mistaken !''
(Which amounts to the same thing w =
'You make the application, Mrs Hayes
"Mr. Philemon Hayes"
"Fanny P'. ..-r.-
81 say it was green, sir p ,i,,.
"And say it was blue, 50 there I"
.-,"You are a wretch, Phil a real mean,
hsartless wretchP' and Fanny pushed back
her plate angrily.
"And you are an opinionated, selfwilled
woman J" and Phil, in his agitation, upset
his coffee, scalding the cats back and himself
at the same time.
:. "The deuce!' cried he, rubbing his red
fingers with his handkerchief. 81 wish I'd
never seen a woman r'
whats that, sir?"
"Confound the women! They're curse
to the world !"
y IOu Drute! crleu Mrs. Hayes, now
thoroughly incensed-'take thatL'' and seizino
the plate of mullins she took aim at Phil's
head, but being a woman, her aim was not
SO accurate as it might have been,. and the
plate went through the window smashing in
the new tile of Fitz James Jones, who was
passing; and the mnf6ns were scattered in
wild confusion about the ROOM
Phil was indignant. He laid his hand on
the poker. "a
"lf l did not scorn to strike a woman"
he began. ~
'"Oh, striker exclaimed. Fanny, ssit will
only be IN peace with your other conduct
Don't let any notions of honor restrain YOU,
because you never had any,"
"Fanny, beware! you may try me too far"
'I'n go home to pa, that I will. You
lnhuman monster, you!"-"I'll be divorced
from you this very day. So therev and the
mullins. -.
Just at that moment, Pills Uncie John. q
shFewd old fellow, appeared on the scene:
be surveyed the group with an anxious
twinkle of the eye.
"Whats the matter, Fanny? ANYTHING
gone wrong?" he inquired. :,
s."Gore wreng!, matter enoughl Oh. Uncle
John, kes wretch, and he set out to strike
me with poker."..
"And she threw plate of mullins and the
ham at mel"
"He's monster, Uncle John. III be
divorced from him this very day. Hes
worse than savageP' ::
$50 he is" cried Uncle John, entering.
warmly into the spirit of the thing. $50 he.
ls-striPPing off his coat-sand .f4l settle
the matter at once. You stand back. Fannv.,
III give him such thrashing as he'll be
likely to remember. striking bis wife with
a,P9ker' a Indeed II reetify 1natters;" ana
Uncle John grasped the long handled feather
custer and hourished it threateningly around