The New era. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1865-1871, 1866-03-01

The First Eu6u.

by the Rev. Mr.---J. w. Z. to c. E.
G., only daughter, etc. No cards. y
We didn't say no baby: | have one of
those interesting animals at my house.
1t came when it rained like blazes, dark
us pitch, and my umbrella at the store,
no cars running. The doctor lived five
miles due west, and the nurse vemiles
due east; and, when | got home to the
bosom Of my family, the condensed
funny little chip, that baby; Solferino
color, and the length cf a Bologna sau-
sage. Cross: / guess not. I'm, I'm !;
it commenced chasing me down the
pathway of life just when muslin, linen
and white flannel were the highest they
had been since Adam built a hen-house
for Mrs. Ewes chickens. Doctors charge
two dollars a squint. four dollars d grunt,
and, on account of the scarcity OF rain in
the country, take what is left in q mans
pocket, no discount COR cash, and send
bill for balance, January first. A queer
little thing is that baby-a spee!l of a
nose like a Wart; head as bald as :,
squash, and no place to hitch q Water-
fall; q mouth just suited 10 come the
gum game and chew milk. O, crackee.
YOU should hear her sing. | have
bumped it, stuffed my fur cap down its
throat, given it the smpothing-irons to
p,ags with, but that little red lump that
looks rs if it couldn't hold blood enough
to keep a mosquito from iainting pgY-
sists i'll yelling like thunder. i, SHOWS
d great desire to swallow It's lists, and
the other day they dropped down is
throat, and All that prevented their &c
ing clean through was the efook in its
elbows. 1t stopped It's music, and Was
fer. a II 24Ait
a pleasant thing to have a baby in tire
house-one of your coliclv kind. Think
OF the pleasures Of Il father, in disha-
bile trembling in jlle midnight helff,
VITA MS warm feet upon a square yard
OF cold Oh cloth, dropping paregesie "A
4 teaspoon, by moonlight, the lt5lse
thumaing on the door, wife OF yoaI boz
som shouting hurry, anG the bahg yell
ing tiii the ireseo drops from the ceiling.
It's a nice time 10 tilinl4 oT dreaszcoats,
pants, ties, and white kids Shades OF
departed eocktaiisao what comfort, Mat
g picture fer an article in Plaster Paris
Its mother says the darling is troubled
With wind on the stomach il beats all
the wind instruments YOU ever heard Of.
| have to get up in the cold and shiver
While the milk warns; it uses the bot
tie. have cradle With q representa-
ton OF a miraculous soothing syrup bot
tie Oh The dashboard. | tried to stop IFS
breath the other night, II was no 60: |
rocked it SO hard | missed stays, and
sent it slap clear across die room, up
setting a jar OF preserves. t didn't
make anS noise then. Oh 10, is
mother says only wait till it gets
hleached, dts been vaccinated, and cid
enough 10 crawl about and feed on pins
YES. am going to wait. Won't It ba
delightfuls John, run for the doctor,
SIS has fell in the slop-pail and is cholz-
ing with Il posato-skin; sis has fell down
stairs; sis has swallowed the tack ham
mer;, shows signs of the mumps,
measles, Group, hooping-cough, small
pox, collie, dysentery, cholera inlisntum,
or some other darn thing to lei the doe
tor take ali the money laid by for my
winters corn beet, and all this comes of
my shampooing and curling my hair,
wearing nice clothes and looking hand
some, going counting and making my
wife fall in love and marry me.