Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1866-03-09
HUMOROUS.

now?" while the old lady is down in
the kitchen polishing up the rusty old
stove or splitting wood to cook break
fast.
RYAN editor having read in another
paper that the use of tobacco, which, it
n man smokes or chews, will make him
forget that he owes dollar in the
world, innocently concludes that mVy
of his subscribers have been furnished
with the article. @ nHn
EE A correspondent asks why papers
charge for insertion of marriage and
death notices. For the very best of
reasons, inasmuch as one is an advertise
ment of partnership aud the other of
dissolution Business is business in this
world. ~
EE- There is boy down East who is
accustomed to 60 out on q railroad track
and innate the steam whistle so perfectly
as 70 deceive the officer at the station.
His last attempt proved eminently sue
cessful; the depot master came out and
"sw tched him Of y
EE- Hal" exclaimed Mr. John
Thomas, standing with his coat-tals
drawn forwards and his back to the
kitchen fire, g I've herd a good deal
about the cattle complaint, but am 'appy
to say it 'avent yet attacked my calves
EFT The Bangor Wing says:-A
letter was mailed in one of our post
Offices, the other day, that had no postage
stamp on it, but il place of the stamp
had the following written on one corner
Of the envelope: Mr.. Postmaster,
don't charge no postage on this; the
stamp wouldn't stick, SO tore the thing
up" .iA
EE Washington Irving once said:
:" liza putchnan gets rich keeping cor
ner grocery, nobody sees anything out
of the way in it but if a literary man
gets anything beyond his bread and
cheese, CAD, sir, they put it the news
paper--it's more wonderful than the
great turnip!'
EE-A countryman sowing his ground,
two smart fellows Kidding that way, one
Of them called to him with an insolent
air, Well, honest fellow" said he,
= It's your business to sow, but we reap
the fruits of your labor" To which the
countrynan replied, Its very likely
you may. for | am sowing hemp"
re- Il don't miss my church so
much as you suppose" said lady to her
minister, who had called upon her dur
ing her illness, g for l make Betty sit
at the window as soon as the bell begins
to chime, aud tell me who are going to
chuch, and whether they have got any,
thing new" ~ MA
:, ET In Peoria, Illinois, noted
whiskey manufacturing region, they test
the quality of the liquor by the distance
aman can walk after tasting it. "Tangle-
legs" is said to be made out of diluted
alcohol, nitric acid, boot legs and tobac.
co, and will upset man at the distance
Of four hundred yards from the deni-
john. 1@1~
EE A drunken lawyer, going into
church, was observed by the minister.
who said to him: Sir, | will bear
witness against you at the day of iudg
ment." The lawyer. shaking his head
with drunken gravity, replied 81 have
praised law twenty five years at the bar,
and always found the greatest rascal the
first to turn States evidence"
ES A temperance lecturer. descant.
ing on the essential purifying qualities
of water, remarked, as a Suock down
argument: When the world had be-
come so corrupt that the Lord could do
nothing with it, he was obliged to. give
it thorough sousing in cold water y
I" Yes" replied a topper. I" but it killed
every darned critter on the face OF the
airth.'
ES An old negro, returning on,
night from dancing frnlic, when cross
ing the river lost both oars, aud cam,
near being swamped. He dropped OIL
his knees and exclaimed, 80, Mass
Lord, if cher gwine to help Old Ira
now,s dc time y
DC That is similar to the case of the whit
man who tell from bridge across
river, and just as he found he must 90
~ "StP lOt ". bdWleu out at the t0l
othls voice. :" Lord have mercy on me
aud quick, too."
TuANKFuLNBss. - TheslAt. was passed
around in a certain congregations for tn,
purpose of taking up collection. Al teI
1t had made the circuit of the church il
was handed to the minister. who, by tn,
way had exchanged pulpits with til,
regular preacher, and he found not
penny in it. He inverted the hat owe,
the pulpit cushion and shook it, that Is
emptiness might be known, then r,;s;n,
his eyes toward the ceiling. he excl.;n,s
ed. with great fervor, II thank Go,
that got back my hat from this con
Ygregation J"
ES- A very celebrated LAWYER wa
odd Squire Johns Being man q
great influence, and withal very test,
old gentleman. when aroused he general
" did and said as he pleased 10 court
He was once trying case. the opposin,
counsel being smart young lawyer
named Davis, who so worried the oil
gentleman that he commenced eursin
and swearing most outrageously in cour,
Such contempt could not be overlooke
by the court, but Squire John was