The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1866-08-15


/ have hard struggle before me, but
with your encouragement and love, L
think can come out of the contest
with success. Will you be my wife,
Nellie?"
/ had sunk down on rock, for
could go no farther. My limbs refused
to sustain me, and it seemed that my
heart would break. | covered my
face with my hands, and stroye fercely
to control my emotions. All my love
for Walter rushed upon me in strong
and mighty torrent, which well nigh
swept away the barriers of my sinful
resolution. How grand and noble he
looked, as be laid his heart before me
in all its simple truthfulness, and how
false and foul | was, as | shrank be-
fore his avowal in my criminal weak
nessl | wish | had died then; it
would have been better for me. |
said nothing. for | could not trust my
voice, and Walter spoke again.
" | want you to decide with view
to your own happiness. If you do
not love me enough to be my wife,
you might learn to do So But if it
would make you happier to reject me,
do not hesitate to do so.
Happier?" / asked, bitterly.
He had been gazing out upon the
sea, and turned suddenly at the sound
of my voice. 1t was so full of bitter
ness that it startled even him.
Are you sick, Nellie?" he asked
anxiously.
No" | answered, with forced
calmness-" only cannot talk to you
about this now, Walter. [ cannot
now. At some other time"
/" have been too hasty," he said,
tenderly. Poor child, your grief has
not grown calm enough for you to
think of anything but your mother
[ can wait, Nellie. l could wait a
lifetime on you
A sharp pain shot through my
heart, and it was with difficulty that [
depressed a sigh of anguish. My
heart was wrung with terrible tor
ture, and [ felt that | could endure
Walters presence no longer. wanted
to be alone. I asked him to go back
by himself and leave me, as | wanted
to be alone He seemed surprised at
first, but when | repeated my request,
he turned to go away. | sprang up
and caught his hand
" Walter"
Nelliep
:" If anything should happen to give
you cause to hate me, would you do
SOP"
Hate you, Nellie? do not think
[ could hate you"
Z" Not even though l should give
you cause to do SOP" | asked, scarcely
knowing what | said.
Not even then, Nellie. I would,
in such case, feel great sorrow, but
no unkindness. But what makes you
ask me?" He looked at me anxiOusly
as he spoke.
Nothing" l replied. go, leave
me now. [ am weak and nervous"
He turned off with sigh, and as
he went he seemed to carry all the
light of my existence with him. I
sank down upon the rock and gave
way to my feelings. | suffered in
| tensely, and my self-hatred became
almost uncomfortable; but still | grew
frmer in my resolution That out
burst enabled me to go through the
rest with more calmness. It was dark
when | went back home, and by that
time | had conquered my heart
Among my friends was a gentleman
whom | had known from my child
hood. He was fifty, at least, and I
visit from him few days after my in
terview with Walter, and before he
left he made me an offer of his hand.
He told me he had loved me for long
time, but had feared to speak before,
as he was much older, that he feared
| could not love him; but now that l
was alone in the world, he felt that he
had right to tell me of his love.
These were almost the very words
Walter had spoken to me, and they
fell with cold chill on my heart. I
asked him time to reflect on the offer
he had made, and was given az long a
period as [ desired.
1t seemed to me that some hidden
power was holding out this offer to
me to tempt me to my fate. Here was
man, of pure and noble heart, who
wished to make me his wife, He was
wealthy, and my position would be even
better than at present; but | did not
love him. Yet | had resolved upon
rich marriage, and | had no better
prospect than this. Should [ accept
him? Oh, the torture, the agony of
those thoughts! | felt that [ knew
what my course would be. 1t would
be to deceive true, good man, who
trusted me, and prove false to my own
| heart.
/ avoided Walter, but could not
help seeing him sometimes. He never
said anything more with regard to the
offer he had made me, but I perceived
that he was anxiously awaiting nv
answer. Little did he dream how
much suffering those interviews cost
me. | would have given my life to
have knelt at his feet and laid my
heart bare before him, to have asked