Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1866-10-24
wit N HumOr.

Is there any connection at all between
killing time and instant execution?
In what color should a secret be keptH
"In violet"
If a small boy is called lad, is it prop
er to call a big boy a ladder?
Betting is immortal; but how can a
man who bets be worse than one who is
no better?
1t is a great waste of raw material to
put five dollars worth of beaver on ten
cents worth of brains.
Why is a selfish friend like the letter
Pr Because, though first in pity, it is the
last in help.
1t is so billy in some parts of New
Hampshire, that the people look up their
chimneys to see when the COWS come
home.
Never lend money to a man only four
feet high, with the least expectation that
he will pay you. He is always short.
A fat candidate for office in Alabama,
who is said to weigh 372 pounds, asks
the people of his district to try him.
81 have passed through great hard
ships" as the schooner said, after sailing
through a feet of iron-clads.
An irish sailor once visited a city where,
he said, they copper-bottomed the tops
of their houses with sheet Lead
Il have not loved lightly as the man
said when he married a widow weighing
three hundred pounds.
An Irishman who was engaged to cut
ice, when handed a cross cut saw with
which to commence operations, pulled
out a copper, and turning to his comrade,
exclaimed, Now, Pat-fair play head or
tail, OhO goes 6eLOD.'
Madame" said a gentleman to his
wife, who was vainly importuning him
for money to go shopping with, "let me
tell you facts are stubborn things" You
don't say So quoth the lady, why, what
a fact you must bep
Jet beads are very fashionable in Paris
at present. Indeed, says a letter to the
North American, "the other evening al
the Italian Opera, nothing else was to be
seen on the most fashionable ladies pres
emit" A cool opera costume, we should
say.
The more i'll a mans luck is, the les,
likely it is to die.
An eloquent speaker is like a river
great at the mouth.
All diseases speak to US eloquently and
solemnly-except the dumb sgue.
An arch young lady should be an arch.
ar fOp oha ao- BOD H., Ioo,, -
pleases.
Large men are less quarrelsome thar
little ones. The greatest of oceans is the
Pacific.
A public speaker, like a hunting dog
should give careful attention to hi:
points.
Tennyson should have excepted the
Dead Sea when he said "every sea is full
of life."
1t should not be naturally inferred that
Rome was built in the night because i
was not built in a day.
A crowbar often opens but never shuts
Love, the-toothache, smoke, a cough
and a tight boot are things which cannot
IPOooASJ ASPH NSAOh Wy AOAE
Every woman is in the wrong until sh,
cries-anG then she is in the right in
stantly.
If a bigamist were sentenced to liv,
with his two wives in the same house, thu
crime would SOON become extinct.
Stupid people may eat, but shouldn'
talk. Their mouths will do well enougl
as banks of deposit, but not. of issue.
1t is said that doctors can mitigate tn
pains of sickness certainly a good man.
of them make dying a very easy thing.
A man only gets into hot water by at
tempting to throw cold upon the darling
schemes of his wife.
The ladies sometimes get up bonnets o
diminished size, but never of diminished
cost.
A competency may be defined as a little
more than you have.