The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1866-08-21
HnmOrOus Items,

-stMy dear" said an affectionate
spouse to her husband, tam not your
only treasurer" "OhI yes," was the
cool reply, "and I would willingly lay
it up in Heaven"
"A man who is advertising lodgings
"to let for early risers," at Dan6ury,
Conn.,, adds: "Cochin China fowls OF
unusual vocal powers are kept on the
adjoining premises"
AS practical Joke a petition nu-
merously signed was addressed to
boarder at one of the hotels in Saratoga
Ia hard water-drinke ker-requestin him
TO leave the place, as he, was exhaust
ing the spring. His capacity is prodi-
gious. 1a7-l l1 aat FJ3G
That gay and volatile creature, the
Princess Metternich, the leader of the
ton in Paris, is in mourning for the loss
OF a brother at Sadowa. She is discon-
solate in her suffering, and needless in
hergarb. To her friends she saws she
is dying of Prussia" -
=-tWhat is the reason that men never
kiss each other, while the ladies waste
q world of kisses on the feminine
faces?" said foolish gent to lively
girl the other day. The young lady an
swereu, "Because the men have some
thing better to kiss, and the women
haven't" The gent s'saw 1t" imme-
diately.
IA clergyman in Brooklyn repeated
one of his sermons, and gave MS rea-
son, that "a majority of his conRrega-
ton being in delicate health, were de-
tanned at home by unfaYorable weather
on the occasion of its first delIvery.''
-of course none other but a Western
paper could have given us the follow
ing in the notice on the death of a
prominent citizen: HE was the father
Of eleven sons, five of whom married
five sisters He had one hundred and
eighty-nine grandchildren and at his
funeral, two weeks ago Last Sabbath,
two horses were stung to death by
1eeSi ana another came very near losing
his life by the same" ,6.s.,.I.-
,-TA. little girl after having been to
church, was very fond of preaching to
her dolls. Her mother overheard her
wicked. ooh, You naughty sfnfni
child, she said, shaking its waxen
limbs, ttyoull just go to that place of
birthstone and GLASSES, and you won't
burn up-youll just sizzle." ~
1T is told of the late Miss Milford
that She once bought aturban on her
way to an evening party and put it on
in the carriage before her arrival; but
the delight of the guests knew no
bounds when she appeared in the draw
ing room still carrying on her head the
shop ticket, which describ bed her as very
chaste ste4only 33s. sd, !" e
GRRArWAsTEoFVY oFVYATER.-An entl1u-
sfastic old gentleman and his good wife,
from some rural district, worshipped
the falls All day yesterday, from the
piazza In front oftheir room,J andr
tired talking over its wonders at night,
AT an early hour this morning the old
gentleman was on the qua VfVe, and as
soon e as a ne saw the falls again he sung
out: wife! wife! I'll be burned If the
the wafer amt still going over that
dami' Niagara -E'GLts Letter. .,57si
Mr.. AYtoun, the laird of KinaIdie,
was particularly y ind ihefent respecting
his attire, but was noted forhis powers
both of oomp1i and banter Walk
ing one fine morning ON the SeOres
promenade at ST Andrews, he met a
lady acquaintance, whom he saIuted
with his usual courtesy, "Caood morn
ing, madam; how we'll Won are looking
to-day I'M sorry can't return the
comp pltnlentS responded the lady ad-
veringly, to the plainness of the appa-
rels stRoh,n said Mr.. Ayt0un, Iyou
might have lied as I did - - =
PETHR APpIE, OF Oakland, Marion
county, Indiana, was recruited for the
Eleventh regiment of that State, and
took part In the attempt to storm one Of
the y tcllsb burg batteries. Therebel fire
was 50 destructive that the Union forces
Eeeolled. Apple, the s.raW recruit, p
didn't seea the backward movement,
and kept going ahead, until he came
right mp to one OF the rebel guns, caught
Q gunner by the collar, and 7brought
him within our lines, saying: Boys;
why didn,e You come onP Every fellow
might hagegot one. ~ frank aEO0resi
DE ~. rs, r. :
s.iifisfsgs ae--=--lf. 'i. IN,
many will make az DitcheF3 NJ one
tWinge OF pain make an ache, how
I mapyl VIII make an acre2 And ffIft
sake aeur. men .SI' i two days to eat ham