Abbeville press. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1860-1869, 1866-03-23
MALE HOUSEKEEPING.

1t is funny what mess men make of
it, when they undertake to legislate house,
hould matters; and funnier to everybody,
save the wife who trusts them, the upset.
ting Of their magnificent but impossible
theories, when they come in collision with
the granite Of immoveabls facts.
Up jumps Smith jubilant MY dear,
I've plan which will solve at once the
vexed problem Of domestic service. Listen
Down sits Mrs. Smith at the feet !of
Wisdom, with crossed hands, up raised
eyes and expectant ears.
"Yeu see," begins Smith, patronizingly
and pityingly, you women mean we'll
enough, but you are not practical. There's
screw loose in your minds somehow
You can't legislate we'll, even in your own
peculiar province of housekeeping
You've somehow none of the clear>headed.
ness that men have; you are dear creatures
in your way (no pun intended), but always
out at sea. Now look here, Mary instead
of having great house to keep in order,
and worry over, if brides and bridegrooms
would only take pleasant suite of rooms,
including kitchen, and while the artist
husband in one Of these rooms would be
perfecting his beautiful pctures-"-
"But all husbands are not artists" replied
his wife, " nor is their business at home"
"Dont interrupt !" exclaims Smith-"while
the artist husband designs his pictures, bis
little wife, in her neat kitchen, is fitting
about in her. little silk apron, preparing
some savory article Of food, which seems
like pastime, so pleasantly docs tho time
pass" "But silk apron would be apt to
get spoiled while frying potatoes" says Ma.
~. "Dont be absurd" says Smith, with a
majestic wave of his legislative hand.-
"Strip life of romance, and what is it, nv
duck 2 Can't you see, 10 people of small
means and refined tastes this Limitation of
oficious and wasteful servants, is the very
thing required :" "Twins every Friday 2"
asked Mary, "and who is to wear the silk
apron then 2' "How you women do love
10 hatch up difficulties |" says Smith,
"Well, as was saying, there should be a
great many suites Of rooms in this house,
occupied by agreeable and refaed people {;
one servant would answer to wash dishes
and do the drudgery of all" "But John"
says his wife. "don't you know that even in
ones ow" house it is impossible to keep
track of the servants You send the
chambermaid up, to right your room, and
she spends the time loling on her elbows out
the window; or perhaps lies down on your
osd to take nap, while. you are waiting
down stairs till the chamber is put to rights.
How would it be if she bad dozen women
to wait on instead of one Land il in addi-
ton you were obliged to invade Mrs.
Jones' room with a search warrant for Bid
dy, at the risk Of being called by that lady
AN impertinent' creature Aud thep,-
whose. dishes are to have the right of pre-
cedence to cleansing soap and water q
There's Mrs. Smith will declare she has
been waiting to 60 out whole hour, while
Mrs, Jones kept that girl. And Mrs. Hill
will aver that she is not going to wait till
all tho ladies' in the house have their tea
cups polished, before she can get away to
the theatre" "oh, pshaw Mary" says
Smith, "of course, there are some women
whe are never contented without they are
making a row ; I'm speaking of civilized
beings all your objections seem ..to me
frivolous. shew," pursnes Smith, .the lit
tie wife can put on her little hat, and trip
to market in the moraipg, and buy the
dinner. Won't that be delightful trip,
after breakAst2"I II suppose" said Mary,
''heriittfe husband will Of course wish to
share this .matutinal delight With her, and
viii she wear, that silk apron TO The bloody
butoher'ss" 49,. -. x, .eI..,.! -.
aDon'tbe a, little fooln says Smith,
Don't you see that her husband will be
drawing his beautiful pictures to find mon
eyt to pay the butcher Bill, little goose ~,
4Oh, yes-I see," says Mary .but some
how, It reminds me of the, story Of the
white man and the Indian, when they were
dividing the spoilsef shnnting expedition /.
t The white eman said to. tie Indian, Nov
you msy hays The 'bnzzafd, and ipa AKA
I6e:t1yk 4lL tsfs iufkSy And YOU :vs
may have 4ha sbrxzafei INIT; vhioh ;.,ar1,