davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Tennessee staatszeitung. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1866-187?, 1866-12-28
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The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
Caught in his Own Trap.

A girl, young and pretty, and above all
gifted with an air of admirable candor, la
tely presented herself before Partisan
lawyer.
Monsieur, have come to consult you
upon grave affair. 1 want you to oblige
man | love to marry me in spite of him
self How shall | proceed p
The gentleman of the bar had, of course
sufficient elastic conscience He reflect
ed moment, and then, being sure that nc
third person overheard him, he replied.
'MademOiselle, according to our law,
you always possess the means of forcing a
man to marry you. You must remain on
three occasions alone with him you can
then so before judge, and swear that
he is your lover
And will that suffice. Monsieur p
Yes, with one further condition.
WELL?
'Then you will produce witnesses who
will make oath to having seen you remain
good quater of an hour with the person
said to have trifed with your affections
Very well, Monsieur, will retain you
as counsel in the management Of this af
fair. Good day
A few days after the young lady re-
turned. She was mystcriously received
by the lawyer, who scarcely giving her
time to seat herself, questioned her with
the most lively curiosity.
Capital, capital
'Persevere in your design, Mademoi-
sole; but mind, the next time you come
to consult me give me the name of the
young man you are going to make so hap
Ply in spite of himself
4 fortnight afterward, the young lady
again knocked at the door Of the coun-
sells room. No sooner was she within,
she flung herself into chair, saying
that the walk had made her breathless-
Her counsel endeavored to reassure her,
inhale salts, and even proposed to unloose
her garments.
1T is useless, Monsieur she said, Il
am much better
well now, tell me the name Of the for
tunate mortal
We'll, then, the fortunate mortal, be it
known to you, is-yourselfp said the
young beauty, bursting into laugh, Il
love you; l have deem here three times
tete-a-tete with you, and my four wit
nessess are below ready and willing to ac-
company me to magistrate, gravely con-
tinued, the narrator.
The lawyer, thus caught, had the good
sense not to get angry. The most sing
ular fact of all is that he adores his young
wife, who by the way, makes an excellent
housekeeper.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
NO.. SO.
Learning a Trade.

1t was wise law of the ancient Jews,
that the sons of even the wealthiest men
should be made to serve an apprentices
ship to some useful occupation, so that in
case of reverse of fortune, they might
have something to "fall back upon" Tho
same still exists in Turkey, where every
man, even the Sultan himself, must learn
trade. How fortunate would it be now,
had it been law in this country
I"Would to God / had trado p' is the
cry ofthousands ofreturned soldiers, North
and South, who find themselves ruined
in pocket with no immediate prospect of
gaining q livelihood. 1t should teach
parents that whatever else they may give
their sons, they should give them trade
So far as the education Of their child.
rem in the science of keeping proper ac-
counts in concerned, the idea is good
one, as every young man should have q
sufficient knowledge to manage his own
books, should he ever embark in business;
but to make book-keepers and clerks of
all our boys is a grand mistake Better
place them in work shop, mill, or foun-
dry, where they can learn independent
trades, which, at all times, will secure for
them employment at any time, and the
pecuniary compensation for which will be
at least as much, if not more, than the
business Of accounts. We earnestly ad-
wise all parents to teach their sons trades,
no matter what, so that it is an indus
trious pursuit; and let US in future be
spared the pain Of seeing so many stout,
able bodied young men out of employ
ment, and seeking situations where the;
pen only can be used.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
Making Explanations to st. Peter.

L. d. Mansfield, in an article pub
lished by the Central Herald, on the re-
ligion Of public men, tells an anecdote
respecting the late Governor Corwin:
"Corwin 1 should like to know, if you
have no objections, what are your rei-
gious views?" Certainly" said he, {"
believe in the doctrine ofwhat is called the
orthodox churches. L have no objection
to them. | Was brought up Baptist,
and so far as they have peculiar views, [
am Baptist. But, s., there is one
thing in which your churches are wrong.
You say too much and do too little =
Some of your members when they 90 to
the gate of heaven, and ask St. Peter to
let them in, will have to make good ma
ny explanations. Now there are two mem
bers of your church that will illustrate
what mean. There is old l.. He
is il good standing, and orthodox; but
l. lends money at t,celUe per cent. IN
terest. Now, when L goes to heav-
en-, and ST. Peter asks who he is, and be
says l., you may depend he will have
to made good many explanations. |
don't say he won't be let in; but he will
have to explain. Now there is another
man in your church you know him =
Judge c.. The other day I saw his
team in town with a good load of wood.
Several persons came around to buy it
No. said the driver, it is engaged =
A little while after, as was going down
street, at widow WIS house l saw the
same team unloading the wood. I thought
it strange, for widow W. is poor, and wood
is high. So stepped in and said, Mrs.
W., how much do you pay for wood p
80! Mr.. Corwin, l don't pay anything
for wood, can't afford to buy it. Judge
c. sent this wood; and whenever [ am
out Of wood, somehow he sends me load,
and sometimes he sends a sack of -four
Now s., when G. goes up to the gate
of heaven it will fly wide open. St. Pc
ter wants no explanations!'
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
A Beautiful Woman.

One day last winter, boy from the
South, who was on a visit to the city,
was taking his first lesson in the art of
"slidiug down hill, when he suddenly
found his feet in rather lose contact with
a lady's silk dress. Surprised, mortified,
and confused, he sprang from his sled,
and, cap in hand, commenced an earnest
apology Il beg your pardon, ma'am L
am very sorry"
"Never mind" exclaimed the lady
"there is no great harm done, and you
feel worse about it than | do"
"But, dear madam" said the boy, as
his eyes filled with tears, "your dress is
ruined l thought you would be very an
CRY with me for being so careless ]!
mo, no." replied the lady, "better have
soiled dress than ruffied temper"
''Oh, isn't she beauty" exclaimed
the lad, as the lady, passed on.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
Taking the Oath once too Often.

Says the Baton Rouge Adoocate x
was one of the tightest men in the neigh
borhood. During the war he fought with
his tongue On both sides, and never gave
as much as sweet potato to Confederate
soldier. One morning he was visited by
a large crowd of cavalry who were dressed
in all kinds of patchwork-had their gun,
locks tied on with strings, etc. Now, ar
though X-had never seen such an i'll
assorted lot among the Confederates, he
was sure they were not Yankees, and al
though he had taken the oath so often
that his nose looked like one of the streaks
in the American Flag, he began to talk
patriotic:
"Gentlcmen," said he, "dismount and
take some water; the develish Yanks
have toted all my feed away, but 1 am
getting even with them. generally kill
one out on the road every morning before
breakfast, and have an early fast, too."
"Will you swear to that % said the
commander.
Certainly" replied X,-who accord
ingly swore.
He swore worse than that before the
Provost Marshal in Baton Rouge, where
he was carried by his Federal Captors, in
about four hours afterwards His visitors
were Federals in disguise, and x took
long trip at Government expense.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
Politeness in Business.

Politeness in business is large addi-
ton to your capital already invested. 1t
keeps your customers in good humor and
gains new ones for your every day. 1t is
the charm that smoothes and softens the
rough paths of business. 1t is the phi
losopher's stone which turns everything
you touch into gold. 1t invests CONNER
ical life with most Of the poetry which
ever adorns lit makes men like you,
and love to deal with you. 1t gains you
the kind words and good Offices Of those
with whom you come in contact. 1t has
been humorously and truly said by one,
that he preferred making his yearly deal
ings with polite merchant who would
cheat him little, than with rude,
rough, and habitual impolite one who
would honor him great deal Honesty
and honor are commendable and shining
qualities, it is true, but they never look
better than when found in a setting OF
genuine politeness and good breeding.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
"The Dllligent Woman"

She riseth in the morning betimes, and
as the lark singeth to his mate, so she
maketh joyful noise in all her house.
She shaketh up her bed, and beateth
the pillows thereof, and like as an eagle
strreth up her nest, SO she stirreth up
the feathers, and spreadeth out the sheets,
and layeth the blankets apart.
She layeth her hands to the wash tub
and rubbeth upon the board, making cleau
the fine linen her hands take fast hold
of the wringer, and by turing the crank
the water thereof is pressed out.
She clotheth her family with pure gar
ments, wnen she has made them smooth
with hot iron, and by reason thereof her
husband is made comely when be sltteth
among the chief men, or walketh IN the
market places.
She kneadeth up her dough, and bak
eth goodly cake for her household, and
to every one she giveth a piece of bread
and butter of kline.
She provideth her dinner in due sea
son, and supper faileth not, when the good
man returneth at the end of the day
weary with his labors and the strife o
men.
She looketh well to the ways OF he
household, aud scorneth the idle woman
with her delicate hands, who lieth IN bet
and calleth a servant.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22

trust IN Heaven when DER the path,
clouds and tempests come i'm wrath;
When thy grief oppresseth thee,
When obscured thy prospects be,
When around thee mists are driven,
Heed them not, but trust in Heaven!
Trust In Heaven when morning lifts
Up her head, and casts her gifts,
Light and dew, upon the earth;
When she brings the blossoms forth,
Till shall shine the stars of even,
For safeguard, trust in Heaven!
Trust In Heaven !-when there afar
Burneth many glorious star;
Canst thou doubt, when thus their light
Cleans unshadowed through the night,
That protection may be given
To thy pillow !-trust in Heaven!
Trust in Heaven when from its way
Those thou lowest go astray;
Strive, still strive to bring them back
To its straight and thornless track;
And that truth may soon be given
To their spirits, trust in Heaven
Trust in Heaven 1T shall not fail,
When the darkest griefs prevail!
And when Death at length shall come,
When around thee spreads his gloom,
Pray that thou mayst be forgiven
Place thy dearest trust in Heaven!
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
Auction of Women.

1t is we'll known that an aution Of un-
married women used to take place annu-
ally in Babylon. In every district" Z"
says the historian, they assembled on a
certain day of every year all the virgins
of marriageable age" The most beauti-
full were first put up, and the man who
bid the largest sum of money gained pos
session of her. The second in appearance
followed, and the bidders gratifed them
selves with handsome wives according to
the depth of their purses. But alas !! it
seems that there were in Babylon some
women for whom no money was likely to
be offered, yet these were also disposed
of = so provident were the Babyloniaus.
" When all the beautiful virgins" says
the historian, we're sold, the crier or
dered the most deformed to stand up;
and after he had openly demanded who
would marry her with a small sum, she
was at length adjudged to the man who
would be satisfied with the least; and in
this manner the money arising from the
sale of the handsome, served as portion
to those who were either Of disagreeable
looks or that had any other imperlection.
This custom prevailed about 500 years
before Christ
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
Antiuuity of Mankind.

The State Geological survey of Cali
fOrnia has recently made a discovery that
will attract attention all over the world +,
that will become notable fact in the his
tory of geology. Every person of intel
ligence is supposed to know that the age
Of the earth, according to the unanimous
opinins of geologists is not less than a
million of years; that there have been
successive epochs of animal and vegeta-
bic life, the remains of which are found
deep in the rocks; that the animals and
plants of the earlier epochs differ from
those now living on earth; and that un-
til very lately, nothing has been found to
show that man lived on our globe before
the beginning of the present era. a few
years since, however, some human bones
were found in England and France show
ing that man lived in these islands in
former epoch, contemporaneously with
the hyena, the rhinoceros, tho elephant,
and numerous other animals that disap-
peared from Europe long before the be-
ginning of our historical records. This
discovery made a great sensation in the
learned world, and was the basis of Lyell's $
great work on the Antiquity of Man
kind" The ancient human bones of Eu-
rope were found in the formation known
as the lias; but now human skull has
been found in California, in the pleio-
Gene, a much older formation. This
skull is, therefore, the remnant not only
Of the oldest known pioneer of the State,
but the oldest known human being
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22

A rather comical story is told in con-
nection with the early appearance of Dr.
Bethune, as officiating clergyman in a
church then located not far from the city
of Rochester. The edifce was placed in,
the center of large park, and it being
summer time, the open doors made the
green aisle carpet appear like continua-
ton of the grassy lawn on the outside. At
least SO the matter appeared to half doz-
en- geese, who quietly walked into the
church just as the preacher was closing
spleadid passage of eloquence, and was
quoting the lines:
"Who are those arrayed in white," &c.
A green, half: grown country boy, who
supposed the quotation so eloquently pro-,
pounded required an answer, at once re-
piled, in bashful lisp =" Then.-thens
there's geeth." The wings of the young
minister were thus abruptly clipped while
he was aaight, and the ones ''arrayed in
white" were the only dignifed individuals
in the audience.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
a Lovely Incident.

That parents on reading the annexed
extract, can fail to reflect on the lesson it
suggests ?-How important that, when
the parent has departed, the example left
behind them may be such as the child can be
thankful for. To watch for and train the
budding thoughts of an artless child, is
one Of the noblest offices that father or
mother can fill. Truly hath it been said,
that 'out of the mouth of babes and suck
lings' strength hath been ordained
What could give greater strength to the
widowed heart than such a scene with
her daughter
She knelt at the accustomed hour, to
thank God for the mercies of the day, and
pray for care through the coming night /;
then, as usual, came the earnest God
bless dear mother, and'-but the prayer
was stilled i! the little hands usclasped,
and look of agony and wonder net the
mothers eye, as the words of hopeless
sorrow burst from the lips of the kneel-
ing child-'I cannot pray for father any
more p' Since her little lips had been
able to form the dear name, she had pray
ed for blessing upon it; it had follow
ed close after mothers name for he had
said that must come first and now to say
the familiar prayer, and leave her father
out No wonder that the new thought
seemed to much for the childish mind to
receive
1 waited some moments, that she might
conquer her emotion, and then urged her
to go on. Her pleading eyes met mine,
and with voice that faltered too much
almost for utterance, she said-'O, moth
er, l cannot leave him all out, let me say,
thank God that L had dear father once !!
SO l can still go ON and keep him in my
prayers And so she always does, and
my stricken heart learned lesson from
the loying ingenuity of my child. Re-
member to thank God for mercies past,
as well as to ask for blessings for the fu-
ture.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
" The Gray Mare is the Better Horse"

IIle Gray mare is tllo Better Horse.
The application of this proverb is well
known, but not so we'll the story on
which it is founded. A gentleman, who
had seen the world, one day gave his ell
dest son span of horses, a chariot, and a
basket of eggs. Do you," said he to
the boy, travel upon the high road un-
til you come to the first house in which
there is married couple. If you fud
that the husband is the master there, give
him one Of the horses. IF, on the con-
trary, the wife is the ruler, give her an
egg. Return at once if you part with a
horse, but do not come back so long as
you keep both horses, and there is an egg
remaining"
Away went the boy full of his mission,
and, just beyond the borders of his
fathers estate, 10! a modest cottage
He alighted from his chariot aud
knocked at the door. The good-wife
opened it for him and courtesied. Is
your husband at homew No." but
she would call him in from the hay field
In he came, wiping his brows. The young
man told them his efrand. "Why," says
the wife, bridling and rolling the corner
of her apron, l always do as John wants
me to do; he is my master, amt you
John?" "Then," said the boy, " l am
to give you horse; which will you take ?"
l think" said John, " as how that bay
geldling seems to be the one as would
suit NE the best" elf we have choice,
husband" said the wife, " think the
gray mare will suit US best" No." re-
piled John, +" the bay for me; he is the
more square in front, and his legs are
better" Now" said the wife, I" l don't
think so; the gray mare is the better
horse, and shall never be contented un-
less | get that one" Well," said John,
" if your mind is set on it, I'll give up;
we'll take the gray mare" "Thank
you," said the boy, "allow me to give
you an egg from this basket; it is a nice
fresh one, and you can boil it hard or soft,
as your wife will allow" The rest of
the story you may imagine; the young
man came home with both horses, but not
an egg remained in the basket.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
A Ponderous Youth.

The boy of seventeen years OF age
who is on exhibition at Ireland, is size
able and weighty youth. lie measures
thirty eight inches across the shoulders,
seventy. three inches around the waist,
thirtv.six around the thigh, thirty around
the calf Of the leg, and twenty-five around
the arm. He weighs now 5l2 pounds,
and when he gets his growth, having sew
eral years yet to increase his size, he will
be one of the wonders of the world.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
a Slight Mistake.

A dry goods merchantin Vermont adver.
tises as follows: The female who carried
off pair of black kid gloves from our
store took also, by mistake, doubtless,
half Of another pair. She is respectfully
requested to return the odd glove or come
to our store and get the one left, as sim
gle glove, like single individual, is poor
stock until mated"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22

The crop of wheat in California has
been remarkably good this year, both in
quality, and large shipments of wheat and
barley have been made from San Fran
cisco to Philadelphia, New York, and
Europe a firm on Broad street, Phila-
delphia, have shipped from San Francisco,
to come around Cape Horn, cargo of
wheat, on which they will clear, if it ar
rives safely ia Philadelphia, S5O,OOo.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22

a young man married to buxom Ir-
ish girl greatly to the horror Of his mo
ther and sister, made the following de-
fence: !" IF | married an American girl
| must have an Irish girl to take care OF
her, and | cannot afford to support both
Of them"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22

A Western editor lately married one of
his compositors, another compositor acting
as bridesmaid, the officiating cleagyman
being retired printer and the local edi-
tor giving away the bride.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22

A man a short distance out of the city
of New York says no one need tell him
that advertising won't cause big rush,
for he advertised ten bushels of fine grapes
for sale, and the next morning there
wasn't one left-the boys stole EN- all.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
TRUST IN HEAVEN.

This world is all a fleeting show,
For mans illusion given;
The smiles of joy, the tears of wo,
Deceitful shine, deceitful flow
There's nothing true but Heaven!
Moore.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22

A young wife, of Michigan, after a
honeymoon Of twenty. four hours, left her
husband, applied for divorce on the
ground that" her man was not as rleh as
she thought he was" and the Court gran
ted it.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22

WHY is a washerwoman the most cruel
person in the world because she daily
rings meu' 5 bosoms.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-11-22
TTNDERTAKING IN ALL IT'S BRAN

= ches.
Particular attention will be given to this
branch of the subscribers business. He wlll
always study to please and consult the
wants and wishes of those who employ him.
From the number of years experience he has
had in this branch of business he cannot and
will not not be excelled either in city or
country. Prices one-third less than IS usual
lv charged, from 80 to 70 finished Collins al
WAYS on hand. Trimmings to suit the best
aearse in the country. Funerals attended
at one hours notice. J. II. MCCARTHY.
Nav II, lS66.-tf.