The Van Buren press., 1866-11-30
ssdstt Of seis,oii,ssI'

Big rig little pig. -IIts II
Roo; hog. or die. p n
>A$ II
"A boy. whose honesty is to be more
commended than his ingenuity. once ca.
ried some butter TO merchant in country
village to exchange for goods. The but.
to lpsing avery beautiful appssrsncc, and
the merchant being desirous Of procuring
such for his own use, invited the boy to
bring him all the butter his mother had to
spare "lihink,p said the toy,'' she can't
spAc any more, for she sAid she would noi
have spared this, only rat fell INTO tn
cream, and she did not like 10 use it her
'seii' .s SnA92 el1 1W l.a.aY !
--"sladame," said vcry polite trav.
eler to tasty old landisiy. . 4if I see
proper to help myself to this milk is there
any .impropriety in it? ~ -
81 don't know what you mesn but if
you mean to insinuate that there is any
thing nasty in that milk. Til give you to
understand you've struck the wrong housel
There amt first hair in it, for as soon as
Aarthy Ann told me the cat was drowned
in the milk, I went right straish, and
strained it over"
The young man tainted. 4
"A fellow who has had the 'uitten"
more than dozen times, says that the Gus
tom OF joining hands in mstrimony is said
to be taken from the practice OF pugilists
shaking hands before they begin to fight
An Irishman asked in a store for
par OF silk gloves. and was told that the
kind he wanted would come to one dollar.
Och. by my soul, thin," replied he, "Td
sooner my hands would go barefoot all the
days Of my life, than give ye that for EN-. .
''psps, what does the editor lick
his Price Current WITH"
"Mhipit' He don't whip il, my child"
"Then he lies, pa"
Hush Tom, that's a very naughty
word" y
We'll, by George. this ere paper says,
Price Current carefully corrected-aai
guess when gets corrected, gets licked
hey don't II" lzIra !
"Nuff sod-my son."
We should learn that in youth
which we practice in age.
We pass our lives in rcsre!tinQ the
pest, complaining Of the present, and in
dulglng false hopes for the future.
-"Sir," said fierce lawyer. edo you
on your solemn oath, declare this is not
your hsndwriting?" Fa PJa :
Il reckon not. was the cool reply
Does 1t resemble your handwritpla?"
les, SIR, think il dont.'
do you swear that it don't rssemble
your writing"
well fdo, old head ~ et.l~t
y on take your solemn oath that this
writing does not resemble yours in sin.
gle letter. ~
g.. ''Y-e.s-s, sir"
Now how do you know!"
cause can't write!" b}
-AMrs. Keenan,. Of Lowell, was di.
vorced at 10 on Saturday morning last.
end married Jones at in the afternoon.
a coronsr's jury in England gave i
verdict for damages against a locomotive
for scrseching toe loodly
----"Female infuence" is power in
Washington, and the faces Of some ''lades'
srs as we'll known in political circles as the
the statute of Andrew Jackson.
-"All the ducks of Petcrsbnr, arc
dying. dead. ducks are as eorhmon
there as in mordh0rshsrn cities. mT
Ts--Wc admire thunder, bat as 70,
lighting we were never struck by it. wei
Who was Jonahs tutor? The
whale who brought him up.
How to make the hours 90 fast
Use the "spu ofthe moment"
Why should there be no free seats in
church? Because you ought not to be
made good for nothing. Il 7 z7A1
1t is said that doctors can mitigate
the pains Of sickness; certainly 4 good
many OF them make dying very easy
thing. IA
Your book is upside down." oh
served clergyman to one of his congrega-
tion. "Oh, sir exclaimed the pious lady.
II am left handed" h3Nsa-
The following is ono Of Josh Bill
lings's best sayings: "a man running for
Office puts me in mind Of dog that's lost;
be smellS Of everybody he meets. and wags
himself oil over. .t
Jrsr So.--some insinuating chap 70.
marks that about the only politicians who
can be fully relied on never to betray 4 con.
6dence are those who never have j, reposed
in them. s~a*7op