The Iowa transcript. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1858-1866, 1866-10-05
Destruction Railroad.

The directors take pleasure in reassuring
their numerous friends and patrons that
the Road to Ruin is now in good order.
Within the last three months it has carried
more than three hundred thousand passengers
clear through from the town Of Temperance
to the city Of Destruction, while the num-
| Der of way-passengers is encouraging. An
enormous amount of freight, such as me-
chanics'; tools, household furniture, and
even whole farms have gone forward; and
the receipts Of the year have been so
large that the directors are resolved to de-
clare dividend Of five hundred per cent
The track has been much improved, and re-
laid with Messrs. Diabolus g. Co. g patent
rail The grades are reduced to dead
level, and the switches brought to such
perfection along the route as to jerk the
cars in moment from the main track, to
avoid collision with the Total Abstinence
engine and the Temperance trains, which
recently occasioned SO much trouble. In
short, we have spared no expense to make
it superior to my other Road to Ruin ever
established. It gives us great pleasure to
call the attention Of the public to the i'm
provements in our engines and cars. The
old favorite locomotive, Alcohol, has fire.
chamber Of double capacity, and patent
driving wheels after the fashion Of old Jug
gernaut. Our wine cars are models of lux
urious conveyance, after the fashion Of the
far-famed London gin palaces, where ladies
and gentlemen Of the first water can have
all attention. To keep up with the spirit
OF the times, our whisky, rum and brandy
cars have been greatly enlarged, and fare
reduced to half price. Our cider, porter
and beer cars are exciting great attention
among the children. Our experienced en-
gineer, Mr.. Belial, and our polite and gen.
tlemanly conductor, MIR. Mix, have been too
long known to the travelling public to need
any commentator. Indeed, SO swift and
sparkling are our trains that some have
called them 'tThe Flying Artillery of Death
let loose on Earth" Tickets must be OBJ
tanned Of Mr.. Mix, at the Drinkers Hotel,
where you may see the following extract
from our charter from Government:
Licensed to make strong man weak
.+ Licensed to Jay wise man low;
Licensed a wffss fond heart to break
And make her chiiren's teus to flow.
Licensed to do thy neighbors harm;
Licent ed to foster hate and sti fe;
Licensed to nerve the robbers arm;
Licensed to whet the murderer's knife.
Licensed where peace and quiet dwell
To bring disease and wan t, and woe:
Licensed to make this world 4 hell,
And Danish joy and peace below"
The down train leaves Ciderville at 6 A.
NJ, Porteryiile at A. NJ, Beertown, ga
M, Wineyille at "a. NJ, and Whiskey City
at IL A. NJ.
The speed Of the train will be greatly in
creased as it proceeds; stopping, however,
to land passengers at Poorhouseville, Hos
pitaltown, Prisonburgh, Gallowsville, etc.
On Sunday, cars will be ready as usual,
especially for way-passengers, until further
notice.
n. B.-All baggage at the risk Of the
owners; and widows and orphans are par
tlcularly requested not to inquire after per-
sons or property at Ruin depot, as in no
case shall the directors hold themselves lie
Bile for accidents to passengers.
WIN. WHOLESALE, President
ROBERT RETAIL, Vice-P President.