East Saginaw courier., 1866-08-16

it.
Bidding off pools for the horses, ,
was the reply I received, when 1 in
quired the meaning of an auction
scene on the course.
Iinnocently inquired If those pools
were horse ponds, but he only gave
me look of silent contempt. / finally
dropped fifty dollar note in one Of
those pools. No more pool for me.
Foot races are not as popular as
they once were. People are too lazy
to run now, unless they run for Office.
/ ran for prize once in foot race.
1 was not quite so fat as am now.
l weighed only four hundred and for
ty-seven pounds. 1t happened thus:
l was attending the county fair. They
got up prize for the fastest runner.
In those days this was before the on
erous tax on whisky i fused to indulge
occasionally in that cup that makes us
cheer and be an inebriate, as Cowper
hath it. In playful moment I asked
the boys to get me tight and have fun
with me, and they took me at my
word. The bar-keeper assisted them
by putting liquor in my gin-cocktail,
while my head was turned, adding al
coholic stimulant to my whisky, and
pouring decoctions of malt into my
beer. I have since suspected that to-
bacco was mingled with my cigars,
but on that point / am not quite clear.
Although it exhausted the contents
of nearly every bar on the ground to
do it, yet l got full, and the fumes
of the liquor rose from my stomach
to my brain, as from an immense caul-
dron, causing me to behave in the
most ridiculous and insane manner. I
felt as ETHEREAL as sylph, and actual
ly went half through with fip-fap,
landing on my back. attempted to
throw back summersault thrugh a
balloon, resulting in the total annihi-
lation of a confectionery stand, into
which / dove head first. / ruthlessly
seized the ''Fat Woman" in her tent,
and whirled her around in waltz
until she shrieked. 1 offered to per-
NIT the "Living Skeleton" to hold me
out at arms length sitting on his
palm. My absurdities drew a crowd
Of delighted spectators, and when it
was suggested that l should compete
for the prize at the foot race, fool that
was l eagerly jumped at the offer.
No Athenian athlete ever entered
he arena amid such tumultuous ap-
olause as greeted my appearance up
IN the course, peeled for the race -
Talk about the Grecian games they
lfforded no such "game" as / did that
lay. There 1 stood among the other
contestants pants secured round tho
waist with several pairs of borrowed
shirt collar unbuttoned,
md bald head shining in the sun like
polished snuff-bladder, or q ten cent
he course. Anorna.ra1-ua]lad- One
.un around. / had better black my
ace and try q "walk around" I
hink he was a minstrel.
you run foot racer said a butch
,r, derisively, taking in my size and
atness with a professional eye
There is only one thing you are fit
o run"
"What is that?" said 1.
sRun candies
Frenzied by the insult and the yell
IF laughter which went up from the
crowd, rushed at my tormentor, who
.urned and fed. As l pursued him,
devastation followed ON my track. 1
overturned threshing machines, got
among cultivators, upset
bee hives, crumbled patent fences
like glass in getting over them, dash
ed through the floral department,
amid the shrieks of the women, as
went tumbling to the
ground, and, finally, in my blind fren-
zy, stumbled headlong into vat of
crude. petroleum. A huge dredging
machine, for use in our harbours, be-
ing on the grounds was brought into
and l was scooped up
and left high in the air to dream. IL
had had any itching to be in oil
before, that experience satisfied me.
Thus ended my first and last foot
race.