Des Arc citizen., 1866-06-02
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

- saa
 Why isla colt like an eggg Because it is not fit for use until it is broke.
 Why is rheumatism like glutton r. Because it attacks the joints.
 ----Ten newspaper office have been de- stroyed by fire within few weeks.
 --When was beef the highest? When the COW jumped over the moon. at
 The man who 'could'nt stand it any longer" has taken seat, and now feels quite comfortable.
 ---"Whatare you writing such big hand for, Pat ?" Why. you see, my grandmother is dafe, and am writing q loud letter to her."
 Some authors tell us that smuch is said about the tongus,o True, the thing is in eve-ybodie's mouth.
 TIE RULING PAssIoN-- A great financial rcformer is so devoted to figures that when he has nothing else do, he casts up his eyes.
 --s'I stand upon the soil of freedom, J cried stump orator. No p cried his shoe- maker, you stand in pair ofshoes that have never been paid for.'
 "A young gentlemen advertised for wife through the papers, and received eighteen hundred answers from husbands saying that he could have theirs.
 -Greenhorn desires to know why crock ery-ware dealers are unlike all other shop keepers, and adds, very innocently, "Because 1t won't do for them to crack up their goods,'
 An old lady lately refused to let her niece dance with young graduate, because she heard that he was bachelor of arts. where by she understood him to be an artful bachelor. s -A minister at camp-meeting said: 'lf the lady with the blue hat red hair and cross eyes, don't stop talking, she will be pointed out to the congregation"
 - A negro, once undergoing an examina- tion as witness, when asked ifhis old master was Chrrdain, replied No, sir; he was amember of Congress"
 TIE PEAL OF BELLE. After quoting from John Locke that blind man took his idea scarlet from the sound of trumpet, a witty fellow says that | hoop skirt hanging out of shop door reminds him of apeel of a bele ..as,
 ---A clergyman lately addressed his female auditory as follows: Be not proud that our blessed Lord paid your sex the distinguished honor of appearing first to female after the resurrection, forit was only done that the glad tidings might be spread the sooner.
 A man out West says he moved so often during one year that whenevcra covered wagon stopped at the gate his chickens would fall on on their backs and hold up their feet, in order to be tied and thrown in.
 Nor so srUpIp.--John was thought to be very stupid. He was sent to mill one day. and the miller said "John some people say you are . fool. Now, tell me what you know and what you don't know 'fWel,'' replied John, 'sl know mllers' hogs are fat! sYes, that's well, John. Now what don't you knows'' ''l don't know whose corn fats em 2"
 -'sir, , said little clustering man to religious opponent, ito what sect do you SUD- pose I belong ?' "Well, I don't exactly know" replied his opponent; ..but, to judge from your size, appearance and constant buzzing l should think you belong to the class generally called in-seot.'
 A formal fashionable visitor thus ad- dressed alittle girl How are you, my dear?' ''Very we'll, thank you,'' she replied. The visitor then added "Now, my dear, you should ask me how am-n The child simply and honestly replied: II don't want to know,''
 Too SooN TO PuncHasE.--A lady and gem tleman called at store few days since to make some purchases. The lady was talka- tive, and purchased one or two articles When, the twain were about to take their leave, the accommodating salesman asked the lady who had done the talking and paid the bill, if she would not purchase one or more of his tasteful hats for boys. The lady, assuming the dignity of Queen Elizabeth said, s.No, 1 have been married about, 20 minutes have no boys yet"
 FLEsn-coLoRED HosE.-An ebony-colored female of the African persuasion entered store on Broadway, and asked the clerk to show her ''some fiesh-coored hose" Takinga second glance at the shade, the young man went in search of the articles. returning with a lot of black stockings, whereat the sable customer frowned indignantly, turned sudden ly upon the ''middle ofher foot, 7, and sjerked'' herself out of the store, remarking, as she went that Che couldn't fool her wid dem ole black stockings; she wanted fesh-colored, or none at all.'
 -'sIIow much do you charge massa Wood, to marry me and Miss Dinah ?''- "Why Clem, I'll marry you for two dollars" .sTwo dollars? What you charge to marry white folks, massa P ssWe generally gharge them five dollars, Clem." Well, you marry us like white folks, and I'll give five dollars, too' ssWhy Glen, that is a curious notion, but as you desire it, will marry you like white folks for five dollars" The ceremony being over, Clem and Dinah being one, the magistrate asked for his fee. 'Oh no massa, you no kiss the bride" sGet out of my office, you black rascal"
 CIVIL WORTH OF THE SABBATH.--1. Foil needs ito wipe off the grime and sweat of