The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1866-11-29
TIPToN, IOWA NOVEMBER %, 1866
DEACON BUNKER's PROPOSAL.


DEACON BUNKER'S PROPOSAL.
Did never tell We how dreadful nigh
l come to being married last winterf
Lawful heart! it kinder makes me trim.
BILE now to think of it. II only had
what should have been adding to-day
wonder? Darning stockings, and
patching trowsiz for them ten little Bun.
kers instid Of setting here, under the
shadder of my own vine and fig-tree,
making tatting for q night-cap.
You think lisa wonder never got
married in my young days, doye? How
old do you think am now, wonder.
Why, 1hain't half as old az I might be,
and everybody says look ten year
younger than be. It's nat'ral to the
Hansons to look young alters.
Now there was Grandmarm Hanson,
she Va eighty-nlne when she died, and
she HAD not gray spear Of hair on her
head-but she'd wore . wiz for sixteen
yeof, because her head w2sk-cOld And
there's Aunt Hammer. She's nigh onto
seventy, and hain't got decayed tooth
In the world! Had 'em all pulled out
severil year ago, and she's gummed it
ever sense. M#.rrs
Wonder never got married, do We?
Why, bless your heart! I've had more
chances to change my condition than
you could shake q stick at! used to be
crate favorite with the fcllers till thew
found out that didn't intend to marry
none of 'em, and then they kinder got
mad and left OF a-teasing Of me.
Deary me how dreadf,llly Johnny
Gray was in love with me. He used to
be over to our 'us the heft of the time.
We've burnt out more'n two dozen tai
ler dips a-settin up together. Marin
shed scold the master about wasting
candles so, and pa he said he meant to
charge John with the boards his hoss
gnawed off the fence while he was hitch
ed up awaiting for John to finish up his
cOurting. I've got two sugar hearts now.
tied together with a blue ribbon, that
John give me; and in the fire-room bu-
reau, there is buzzum pin with q pic-
ter OF Boston Statehouse into it, that he
puisented to me as New Years gift.
1t cost seventy-five cents, and he paid
for 1t in white beans. John was a
dreadful ginerous feller, dreadful! 1
dunno but what / shonld have had him
II his nose hadn't been a little grain one
sided, but / couldn't quite put up with
that. was afeard he might step out of
the straight path of moral rectitude if he
follered his nose.
Did he ever propose? Wall, no, not
in jest so many words, but he was a-dy-
Ing to for a. much as year. I'll hadn't
a-been go cool to him he would have
proposed forty times, but alters when
he began to hem and haw, as men will
afore they. pop the question, I'd
chickens, or the spotted turkey, and
that would throw him rite off the track.
He married my cousin, Mary Sullivan,
after he found 'twarn't no use to expect
nothing from me, and they have got
:" el'a children with read heads and
skew noses, aI,A Noodle dog Thanh
goodnes didn't have him. WA N
Oh, about last summer? Yes, to be
shure. That's what sot out to tell you
about. That was Deacon Bunker that
spanked me then. Mss Bunker had
been dead about six months. She was
as nice woman as We ever seed; died of
information OF the brains, in the forty
ninth year of her age, beloved by all
who knew her. None knew her but to
love her, none named her but to praise.
That's what's on her tombstone, but
then autigraphy on gravestones hain't
alters as nigh the truth as they might
be. And Miss Deacon Bunker, though
she was very nice woman, had tenn
per of her own, and more than once in
her life she'd chased the deacon round
the chimley with the broomstick, when
he didn't walk crack to suit her.
Arter she'd been dead about six
months, the Deacon took to coming over
to 'us. Twas just after march meeting
that he began to come, and he follered
it up powerful close. And every time
he come he brought little two-quart
baskit with him, but he never asked for
anytlhinS NIT hin liz Il, and ID by.nePXXa s bs0pnnfd
peoples eyes, SO that they needn't think
he was going accounting. So I never
asked him If he wanted anything In his
baskit as spose should have done If
it hadn't a-been for my suspicious.
Do you know the Deacon? He's
dreadful slow kind of . man; never
seems to bring anything to head:
He'd go all day in half bushei, and
never know but what he had room enuff.
He courted Miss Bunker fifteen year,
and then he nevere'd a-married her II
she hadn' a-told him that her wedding
gownd was getting SO yaller and old
fashioned that it wouldn't do to put it off
any longer; and upon that he spanked
up, and the knot was tied.
l pitied his lonely condition along
about the time he was A-visiitng me,
awfully. He'd set and talk about how
there wasn't nobody to make pickles and
mince-pies over to his house, and I'd
take some pains to have some nice Wit
ties for him whenever he'd come. And
he'd set and eat, and talk about Mics
Bunker, and taars would run do wn hie
nose, and he'd wipe 'em of with his
yaller bandannar, and take another
doughnut. My niece, Martha Jane
Remich, was a-staying with me that
summer, and she was continerly max
ing fun of the deacon. I used to keep
her out of the room all could, when he
was there. I was afea.d she would hurt
his feeling a-being so rude.
: Wall, he kept on comm all the sum-
mer, and late Into the fall. And every
time he come he brung that baskit, and
cried and told how master lonesome he
was. One night, the first Of December,
/ kinder thought I'd take pity on him
and help him along . little. So sot
down on the sofy by his side, and sez
L.
Deacon, pity your lonely situation
from the bottom of my heart! Why
don't you git merried ag'in, and have
somebody to cheer your dreary l0t?'