The Vinton record. [volume] (M'arthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1866-1891, 1866-01-18
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HIS that can kepp his temper Is better than
be that can keep q carrisge.
BIsssEp is the bald healed man for lis
vie canno, pull his hair.
THE gentleman who was overtahen by q
train OF reflection was so completely carried
way that be has mol yet got back.
WHAT is the difference between en- &C.
eepted and rejected lover? One kisses
bis miss, and The other misseshis kiss.
WIEN q Baltimore lody is Kissed, she
says she feels as though she was taking
ChlorOloTm, and remains insenslble as long
ss the operation lasts
WHAT is the difference be.u cen school.
master and a railroad conductor Onr
trains the mid anil the other minds the
train.
WHAT is the difference between bad
boy and a postage Samp7 Give 1t up.
One you lick With a stick aad the other you
stick with lick.
drunkard leaning against church rail.
ing replied, in answer to question from
Tue sexton, that he didn't exactly belong to
that church, bu! be, was leaning that way
SPEAKISo OF Beautiful brunette bile Of
all Illinois city, our friend accounts for the
brownness Of her complexion by the fact
that she has been SO often tOusLed
AT church collection for missions, the
preacher said. "My christian brethren, let
me caution those Of you who put in buttons
not to break of the eyes. 1t SPOTS them
for use, and they will not Pass among the
,heathens for coins"
THERE is boy down east who is accus-
toned 10 60 out on railroad track and
initiate the steam whistle SO perfectly as TO
deceive the officer at the station. His last
attempt proved eminently successful the
depot master came out and switched him
off,"
Mr.. PARAS STEvrgs has purchased two
acres and half Of land adjoining his res
idence in New Port, Rhode Island, for thir-
teen thousand seven hundred and ten dol.
lars, Tor COW plsture. 1t wil DO well il
!: pastures three COWS: what. then, will be
The price of Mr.. Stevens mik?' asks a
Boston editor.
A punctual man is rarely poor man and
never a man Of doubtful credit. His small
accounts are frequently settled, and he never
meets with difficulty in raising money TO
pay large demands. Small debts neglected
ruin credit, and when man has lost that,
he will. find himself at the bottom of hill
he cannot ascend.
liz New York;you may lire next door to
another family for twenty five yeas. and
never know their name. In Paris your own
brother might occupy rooms under the very
same roof, and you might never meet each
other, might live and die there, and never
guess the neghborhood Of kinsman. For
, hose who desire it, It is the lone.iest place
the world.
"WHFN are you going 10 commence the
pork business p asked person of another
who had sty on his eye.
"Explan yourself, sir" said the aiflictel
gentle nan.
"Why, | see that you haveyoar sly quite
re ady.
True" was the reply, "and I've one hog
in my eye nOw,"
SAKE, the jokerand poet, was once taking
trip on a steamer, when he fell in with a
lively young lady, 10 whom he made him.
sell very agreeable. or course he made all
impression upon the damsel, who said, al
parting, "GOod,by, Mr.. Sake, but fear
you'll soon be forgetting me-" "Ah, miss"
said the inveterate punster, all | was not d
married man already. you may be sure I'd
be for getting you"
PnorEssoR W, Of - University. is
something Of wog, and the boys seldom
get the start of him in the way of practical
jokes. One day, on going into the recita-
tou room, Freshman class present, he found
a sheep sitting in chair. His sole remark,
addressed politely to the sheep. "Eow are
you Freshman ?" rather turned the joke on
the boys. Similarly, when at another time,
opening his desk, goose flew out, "hh,
gentlemen, another classmste, see r.
:.GRAHIs DHEY JoKE--Thc only joke that
LieuteBantlG General Giant was ever known
to perpetrate, was one day during his cam
paign IN Mississippi, when the rebel Gene.
raj Winter was coming up TO attack one Of
the wings Of his army,'where the commander
in.chief happened TO be himself present.
Gentlemen" said Grant, quietly knocking
the ashes from his cigar, end looking
around at the officers near hiaI, "You see
severe Winter approaching, and advise
you 10 have the bo7s keep up good fire =
A PREAcHER's JOxE.-When preachers do
indulge in jokes, they generally let of good
Guns" Here is the last Away down east,
a clergyman was recently charged with hav.
ing violently dragged his wife from revival
meeting, and compelled her to go home with
him. The clergyman let the story run
ahead til he had fair opportunity to give
1t a broudside. Upon being charged with
the offence, he replied as follows:
"In the first pioce, never attempted 10
influence my wife in her views, nor her
choice Of q meeting. Secondly, my wife
mas not attended any nf the revival meet.
ings at Lowell. In the third place, | have
not attended any Of the meetings for any
purpose Whatever. To conclude, neither
my wife nor myself have any inclination to
90 to those meetings. Finally, never had
awife."
MRs. pARTIYcTos on "PRocLvITIEs. -
"Where is your little boy tending !" asked
the good man, as he was inqui.ing of Mrs