The Greene County Republican. [volume] (Waynesburg, Pa.) 185?-1867, 1866-05-09
THE FIRST BABY.

G and G. L. g., only daughter, &C.
"No cards."
We didn't say no baby! Ihave one
of those interesting ANIMALS at my house
1t came when it rained like the devil,
dark as pitch, and my umbrella at the
store, no cars running. The doctor
lived five miles due West, and the nurse
six miles due East and when got
home to the bosom of my family, the
condensed milkman was at the next
door. It's funny little chap, that baby,
Solferino color, and the length of a
Bologna sausage. Cross' Iguess not
Um, um, it commenced chasing me
down the pathway of life just when
maslin, linen, and white flannel were
the highest they had been since Adam
built hen house for Mrs. EYES chick
ems. The doctors charge two dollars a
squint, four dollars a grunt, and on ac-
count Of the scarcity of rain IL the
country, take what is left in a mans
pocket, no discount for cash, and send
bill for balance January lst. A queer
little thing, is that baby speck OF a
nose like wart, head as bald as a
squash, and no place to hitch water
fall /; a mouth just suited to come the
gum game and chew milk. Oh, crackec! !!
you should hear her sing, have bumped
it, stated my fur cap down its throat
given it the smoothing iron to play with,
but that little red lump that looks as if
il couldn't hold blood enough TO keep a
misquito from fainting, persists in swal-
lowing its fists, and the other day drop
ped down its throat, and what prevented
their going through was the crook in
the elbows. 1t stopped its music, and
was happy for one and half minutes
It's a pleasant thing to have baby
IN the housc-one of your belly ache
kind. Think of the pleasures of faith
er IN dishabille, trembling In the mid
night hour, with his warm feet upon a
square yard of cold oil,cloth, dropping
parygoric in teaspoon by moonlight,
the nurse humping on the door, the
wife OF your bosom shouting "hurry,'
and the baby yelling till the trescoe
drops from the ceiling. Itsa nice time
to think of dress coats, pant, ties and
white kids Shades Of departed cock-
tails, what comforts, what picture for
an ar icle in Plaster Paris It's mother
says the darling is troubled with wind
on the stomach it beats all the wind
instruments you ever heard of. have
to get up in the cold and shiver while
the milk warns it uses the battle. ]
have a cradle with the representation Of
miraculous soothing syrup bottle Oh
the dash board. l tried to stop its
breath the other night it was no go
| rocked 80 hard | missed stays, and
sent it slap clear across the room, up
setting a jar of preserves | didn'
make any noise, then! Oh, no! 1t,
mother says, only wait till it gets
bleached, Gts been vaccinated,) and ole
enough to crawl about and feed Oh pms
Yes, am going to wait. Won't 1t bc
delightful 4? John, run for the doctor
it's fell in slop.pail and is choking will
potato skin; sis has fell down stairs
sis swallowed the tack hammer show
signs OF mumps, Group, whoopins
cough, small pox, collie, dysentery, chol
era intantum, or some other darne'
thing to let the doctor take the mono.
laid by tor my winters corn beef; ant
all this comes Of my shsmpooning AM
curling my hair, wearing nice clothe
and looking handsome, going a court
ing and making my vile fall in love ant
marry me-