Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-09-29
Adventure of a Corpse

NOT long since natlVe OF the Emer-
aid Isle, one of the victims OF the late
arsenal explosion, died in Washington,
and immediate preparations were made
to give him nice. genteel funeral. 1t
was first arranged that he should he
buried there. but some of his kindred
being buried in Parkersburg, West Vir-
ginia, it was finally determined that
what remained of poor Johnny NJ
should be sent to that place.
Accordingly, after the ''wake," Conc
of the good old sort, the remains were
accom- panied by his sorrowiug friends to
the depot to take the cars for the place
of burial. The funeral procession ar
rived at the depot some time before the
departure of the train in which the re
mains were to 90, and the mourners
spent the intervening time in assuagiDg
their sorrows at the neighboring bars,
so abundant in that vicinity, the corpse
meanwhile remaining on the platform,
ready to be placed on the 8 PM train,
which would connect at the Relay House
with the Western train
The party meanwhile drank so many
libations to the memory of the departed
that they returned to the station in a
very mellow condition, and the railr ad
officers being apprehensive that they
would be incapable of taking care of the
corpse telegraphed to the agent at the
Relay to see that the corpse was taken
care of at that point. Shortly before
the time of starting the corpse was plac-
ed on the train, and an attempt was
made to muster up the mourners, when
it was ascertained that one or two of
them had got so obfusticated as to have
taken the New York train.
The rest of the party, however, man.
aged to get aboard. and ere long Johnny
Ms body was again marching on.
At the Relay House the corpse Was
transferred to the Western train, but
two or three of the mourners were too
far gone to get out in time, and so pro-
Gee ed to Baltimore, while the balance
of the party with the corpse were hur-
ried on with extra speed Westward
At the points along the road where
the engine stopped "to water" the
mournels stopped "to wet" and not
being up to time, quite as invariably
brace or more were left behind at each
watering or wetting place, and by the
time Grafton was reached, where the
corpse was to change cars for Peters
burg, but few of the mourners remained
with it, these were so bewildered that
they failed to get it in the proper train,
and Johnny's corpse went on to Wheel
ing without them from thence by some
means, it was sent on to Columbus,
Ohio, the corpse thus having got into
the wrong S.ate and the mourners be
ing scattered through Maryland and
West Virginia, and along the line of
the Baltimore, Wilmington and Phila-
delphia, and Camden and Amboy Rail-
roads. BY this time the telegraph was
put into exciting operation, and various
messages were whisked over the wires
in various directions in regard to the
corpse and scattered mourners, making
confusion doubly confounded for awhile
From Grafton an anxious mourner
inquired, "Where in the devil is the
corpse p This inquiry was crossed on
the road by a loud inquiry from Colum-
bus as to the ownershipof stray corpse
arrived there unconsigned. A Balti-
more mourner telegraphed to postpone
the funeral till l get there, and squad
of scattered mourners by the New York
train were sending wildly confused mes.
sages to Parkersburg, R lay House,
Grafton and Washington, all bel ping to
intensity the prevailing muddle.
The corpse, meanwhile. had resumed
its travels, and, like poor Joe, not being
wanted in any locality, had kept move
ing on, until it arrived at Little Miami
depot, where 1t created no little excite
ment, being without any mark for iden-
tifcation, and foul play being at once
suspected. A coroner's inquest was
held without throwing any light upon
the'mystery, which was, however, clear
ed up by a telegraphic dispatch for the
missing corpse.
The railroad officials got the corpse
moving Eastward, and the mourners
headed Westward, and finally. after the
most eventful history of any corps, or
set of mourners on record, Johnnys
body was duly committed by them to
mother earth, where we trust it may
rest in peace.