The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1866-06-26
GALLUS.

Gals, things have been going on long enough,
it has got to be stopped. You are going too
fast L am already hiehed, but if you don't let
up little, iii start Bachelors Club that will
give you rats. III make every member swear
on a stair-rod that he won't 20 into the wedlock
business between the age of twelve and eighty
years. and | rather guess you or they won't be
good foI much after that time Itell you, gals,
ifyour great-grapdmothers should arise from
their graves aud take one sqdint at you, they
would be happy to think they died when they
did Some of you look like half closed um-
brellas, with brass tops; and there is just about
much size and vitality 10 the handle as there
is in your bodies What change in style since
fig leaves were in fashion! To support one Of
you critters now a. days requires an income OF
several millions! If one of them has TO stand
up five minutes in omnibus or ferry boat,
her face would look 80 sour it would make
good trademark for a vinegar maker Yet any
one Of them at ball will dance good stout
man into fits, and keep it up until the break.
fast bell rings. They have appropriated our
horn over coat buttons, wear little sack-coass,
aud carry their hands in their pockets just like
VIC vulgar men. And they have csbbaged the
pockets from our billiard tables to wear over
their waterfalls, stole our Monitor hats, aud the
only difference between o he and and o she, ia
the Autumn Of 1865, is in the waterfall. Ims-
took gal for fellow the other pight-asked
her TO take bourbon sour She got mad and
whirled round SO quick, her new style of hoop
few up.
They have chaiked necks, pencilled eye
brows, painted cheeks, waxed lips. They ape
| the manners of the men, and they will only
chew tobacco, they will possess all their accom-
plishments. 1t used to be "wise child that
knew its own father" I'll be shot if il isn's
now wise child that knows pa from ma. They
roll ter pins, drink punch, whistle, visit oyster
SALOONS, and the major part of them sport shoul-
der straps LIZ fellow wants to "better or
worse" and tae one of these dam-sels, to bis
bosom, he had better apply TO her dress maker
for letter Recommendation, just to find out
what she is made Of III bet country sausage
against Staten Island ferry boat, that gal at
9 A. NJ. and gal at 3 p. M, don't look any
more alike than cart wheel resembles the hind
leg OF an elephant. Once when fellow arrived
at the sweet age Of twenty, he would become
possessed with the insane idea that he must pay
double board; but now he is mighty apt to spend
all bis change cooling; and when Eliza thinks IL
is time Alfred should pop the question, there is
mary" pop; kase why, he hasn't the "spondu-
lix. (See Webster, vol xvii. page MDCC)
| tell you gals, l am fellow myself, (don't
turn up your noses and say you can do without
U.S. for 1 know you can't,) and know just how
fellow feels Youjust dispose of your water-
falls stufing, brass filings, paint, whitevash,
&c trust to good old'fashioned bushes to make
your checks rosy, be modest, and you will catch.
a husband SO bright you will have TO look at
biu. through smoked glass and have so many
children that when you go to church with them
. you will resemble North river steamboat with
. twenty barses in tow, aud hand in hand you
will travel Gown the crooked pathway Of life 40
happy as a pair Of newly christeaed swapping
turtles.
/ / expect you will be down on me, gals, but
! if there isn't sone truth 10 the above, III agree
that any one of you may wear out four cozan
corset laces over my back, scratch half dozen
| Pacific railroads on my cheeks, ard use my head
/ four weeks tor pin cushion.
| j. w. b.
/ We Imagine you are slightly 10 for it, j.. w
/ B., and will bave sn opportunity of judging
whether female women are .'made" of anything
or not. A speedy retirement from earthly
scenes may be your only salvation; and If the
gals go TO heave~as gals, you will be mighty
apt to exhibit, in that far of country, map .of
/ the Pacific railroad with oil its tnrneouts and
switches.