The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1866-10-19


MIR. PUNCH, MY DEAR SIR: I've been
lingerin by the tomb of the lamented
Shakespeare.
It Is Il success.
I do not hesitate to pronounce it as
such.
You may mako any use of this opin-
ion that you see fit. If you think its
iteratoOr, you may publfcate 1t.
l told my wife Betsey when left
home that 1 should go to the birthplace
ofthe orthur of OrtheLt0 and other plays.
She said that as long as 1 kept out of
Newgate she didn't care where went.
"But," I said; "dOn't you know he was
the greatest Poit that ever lived. Not
one of these common potts, like that
young idyiyit who writes verses to our
daughter, about the Roses that grOWses,
and the BreeSes MS blowses-but Boss
Poit-also philosopher, also man
who knew u great deal about every
thing"
She was packing my things at the
time, and tho only answer she made
both of my red flannel night cnps.
Yes. I've been to Stratford onto the
Avon, the birthplace of Shakespeare.
MIR. s. Is no more, He's been dead
over three hundred 5000 years. The
people of his native town nre justly
proud of him. They cherish his mem'ry
ana them as sells ptcturS of his birth
place, etc., make it profitable cherishin
1t. Almost everybody buys pictur to
put into their Albion.
As stood gazing on the spot where
Shakespeare is supposed to have fell
down on the leo nnd hurt himself when
II boy, (this spot cannot be bought-the
town authorities say it shall never be
taken from StratfOrd.) I wondered if
three hundred years hence pictures of
my birthplace will be in demand? Will
the people or my native town be proud
of mo in three hundred years? IguesS
they won't short of that time, because
they say the fat man weighin 1000
pounds which exhibited there was
which he said one very hot day in July,
"Oh bother, can't stand this" and
commenced pullin the pillers out from
under his weskit, and heavin 'em
at the audience. / never saw n man
lose flesh so fast in my life. The audi
ence said was pretty man to come
chtslin my own townsmen In that way.
snid, "D0 not be angry, fcller-citizens.
l exhibited him simply as work of
art. simply wished to show you that
man could grow fat without the aid of
cod-liver OIL" But they wouldn't lis
ten to me. They are n low and grovel-
in set of people, who excite feelin of
emotions and original idees have u
bidin place.
''And this" I said, as stood in the
old churchyard ut Stratford, beside n
tombstone, "this marks the spot where
lies William w. Shakespeare. Alars!
and this is the spot where"
You've got the wrong grave" said a
is buried inside the church,"
oh" said, ga boy told me this was
it." The boy larfed and put the shil-
ling I'd given him into his left eye in
an inglorious manner, and commenced
moving backwards towards the street.
l pursood and captered him, and
after talkin to him spell in skarcas-
tic style. L let him went.
William Shakespeare was born in
Stratford in 1864. All the commenta-
tors, Shakspearian scholars, etsetery,
are agreed on this, which is about the
only thing they are agreed on in regard
to him, except that his inantel hasn't
fallen onto any poet or dramntisL hard
enough to hurt said poet or dramatist
much. And there is no doubt if these
commentators and persons continner
investigutin Shakspeare's career, we
shall not, in doc time, know anything
about it at all. When n mere lad, little
William attended the Grammar School,
because, as he said, the Grammar School
wouldn't attend him. This remarkable
remark, comm from one so young and
inexperienced. set people to thinkin
there might be SOmethin in this lad. He
subsequently, wrote Hamlet and George
BdTHUeH, When his kind teacher went
to London TO accept position in the
office of the Metropolitan Railway, lit
tie William was chosen by his fellow
pupils to deliver a farewell address.
go on, SIR" he said, "in u glOrus ca
reer. BE like eagle, and soar, and the
soarer you get the more we shall all be
gratltedI That's So"
My young readers who wish to know
about Shakespeare, better get these val
lyable remarks framed.
1 returned to the hotel. Meetin n
young married couple, they asked me
If could direct them to the hotel
which Washington Irving used to keep.
"I've understood that he was onsuc-
cessful as n landlord" said the lady.
We've understood" said the young
man, THAT he busted up"
l told 'em was a stranger. and hur-.
ried away. They were from my coun-
try, and undoubtedly represented a
thrifty lie well somewhere in Pennsyl-
Vany. It's common thing, by the
way, for a old farmer in Pennsyfvany
to wake up some mOrnin and find lie
squirtin all around his back yard. He
sells out for 'normouS priceI and his
children put on gorgeous harness, and
start on tour to astonish people. They
succeed in dOin it. Meanwhile the lie
1t squirts, and Time rolls on. Let it
roll.
A very nice old town is Stratford,
and a capital inn is the Red Horse.
Every admirer of the great S. must 90
there once, certainly: and to say one
isn't admirer of him, is equivalent to
saying one has jest about brains enough
to become efficient tinkerl -
Some kind person has sent me Chaw-
ser's Poems. Mr.. g. has talent, but he
couldn't spell. No man has right to
be lit'rary man onless he knows how
to spell. It's pity that Chawser, who
had geneyus, was so unedicated. He's
the wuss speller know of.
guess I'm through, and SO Law
down the pen, which is more mightier
than the sword, but which I'm afraid
would stand rayther slim chance be-
side the needle-gun. .n.
Adoo! adooI ARTEMUs WARD.
--$O-S----- ...i a
ACCOMMODATING HI0rsBLFTo C1RCUM1
sTANCEs.-The Richmond correspons
dent of the Danville Register tells the
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