The Iowa transcript. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1858-1866, 1866-05-02
Talc Of Horror.
FART riRsr.

A Talc OF Horror.
PART FIRST.
Jane Am Pilkinhorn was the only dartcr
Of poer bnt hohist parents. They had no
other child but her. She was their all, aud
besides their dor Trowzery who was dog
and warNt partikerly overbardened with
branes,) she was tho only human being they
had to luv. That, howsumdsver, was their
misforiin and not their fault Her lie
shone like = new brass kettle, and her
cheeks were As red MS temperance leckter's'
nose. Her hare was tho color Of saffron
tea, and her form was as graceful as
hound pup. So much for Jane Ann Pilkin.
horn.
PART SECOND.
Jethro Snodgrass was an adopted son Of
the Rev. Mordecai Mumblechops, tho vii.
lage parsOn. He was fair and kumly
YOUTH as the poet seq, and stood six feet in
his stockins THAT IL 10 Winter. In sun.
mcr he don't wear stockins.) His com
pleckshun was M clear AZ he compleckshun
Of taller candle, and his hare curled as
material as the tail Of q yeipiu cur when
get,in bastin from his master. But Je-
thro had one falein. Althow adopted, he
was in every respekt a minister's son. lie
driv fast hoss, and was pertiklerly fond
Of femail society. lie smoked segar. and
drinked beer. and was very much inklined
for society Of wimnin. lie played keerdS
and pitched quates for shillin game. and
was constantly running arter the gals. lie
liked to danse all mite to the feeriul raspin
Of the country fiddle, but his topmost pas
sion was hankering arter the opposite sect.
Otherwise he wouldn' have been minister's
son; And there's where the laf comes in.
So much for Jethro Snodgrass.
PART THIRD.
1beleeve that have previously intimated
that Jethro Snodgrass was fond Of wimmin
of the femail sect. But of all the wimmin
in town, Jane Ann Pilkinhorn was his f,is,
choice and his best holt. He luved he,
very muchly, and she dittoed him full as
muchly if not muchlier. Their too luves
blended together like bordin house blankets
(Which cant be pulled apart without using
the pinchers and claw hammer.) Aud can
it be possible that too fond hearts like
theirn must be forcibly ripped assunder?
Yes, gentle reader, it is possible, and good
deal possibler.
PART FOURTH.
1t was cold mite in the month Of Janne-
wary. Jerusalem how cold it was! l,
was cold enuf to freeze the nose on a craven
immidge 1t was eenymost as cold as rich
relations greetin. Jane Ann Pillkinhorn
and Jethro Snodgrass werc "trippin the
light fantastic hoof," Gas Spurgcon sez,) in
the dancin hall Of Bill Bakers tavern.
3" The taller candles shone Ger fair wimmiI
and brave men, and all went jolly as din
ner bell. But bark! what sound is that
That feerful sound kawses the dancers to dr.,
up on their dancin, ana even the fiddler I,
cease his. onairthly strsins! Jane Am,
has tainted and tumbled kcr.
chunk onto the bare foori,
water! waterl" shouts J4thro Snod
grass, frantically. al ada
Reemarkin ~ how It was the fust time il
ten years that he'd heard young Snodgras.
call for water, and that he didn't keep III.
stuff in the house. Bill Baxter 1.-THE tavern
keeper) run to the bar and fetched up de
oantsr Of earthquake jim, which he throweo
into Jane AIMS face. Jane Ann immejitl
rckivered. Jtthro SnoIgrass took her int.
his arms, and toted her into the parlor
She put her arms clean round his neck, ex
claimiu:
MY preserver my preserver!
"Not by y darned site !" ser Bill Baxter
who was stsndin by. and who had sneakiI
noshun arter Jane Ann himself, (bein /:
bachelor, and onmarried,) and wa. there
jelus-"n by a darned cite! You'd neve,
come to If hadn't slung thirty seven cent.
worth of jim in your face, and now Snodxrass
Is gittin the credit Of it."
Bewarei" SEE snodgrass "Bewar,
how you provoke my rath, or I'll smasl
your jaw!,,
Bill Baxter, not bein ftein man immejit
ly retreetid, vowin venjance onto Jethro
And he had it speedily.
Ten minutes arterward. Jethro Hnodpras.
entered the bar room. and throwing tire,
cents on the counter, exclaimed in voice o.
thunder and litenin:
Give me glass Of your best jim"
Bill Baxter, with leer in his sore eyes
such a. only fieud incarnit Good immyfait
tot out the bottle. Jethro took swig arte,
swig, and in q few hours was ded dog /,
the bag.
Baxter. the tavern keeper, was arrested
and tried for highboggery ia third perso,
singular, but on ackount Of the manufacture,
Of the jim that Bill sold bein foreman on th.
jury, the jury coodent agree, and Bill was
A few months afterwards, h.
PAS smashed to deth under : pile driver.
and vas obliged to 60 south for his health
SIGH 10 life.
MoRRfL-Dont drink earthquake jim.