The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1866-07-25
HUMOROUS.

Ln6g .OOuIeQGTdLe aIluy was pdooth5 t1ho"0o
Chambersburg, many ladies gathered ABOUT
the doors and windows, around the gates,
and upon the Verandahs, most Of whom were
decorated with Union flags about their per-
sons. One young lady who stood near
the street had tremendous one stretched
across her bosom. One of Hoods Texans
saw it, stopped, and leaning his chin upon
the muzzle of his gun, eyed it for few mo-
ments, and then said:
"Miss, advise you to take down that
flag"
9Why, sir?"
Because these are Hoods men here, and
they are terrible fellows to charge Yankee
breastworkS, especially when they are sur~
mounted by U. S. flag" The young lady
vanished.
The TRAY FOR LoW.-Some boys were
playing cards recently, in hay NOV, IN the
country, during a terrible storm Of wind,
lain and thunder. When the war Of the eIe~
ments was at its height. tree, near the old
barn, was struck by lightning, and, at the
same moment, severe blast of wind upset
the upper story of the barn, and tumbIed the
card players to the ground, amid perfect
wreck OF boards, beams and rafterS. The
first thing that was heard above the din OF
tempest was the voice of one Of the boys, as
he crawled out Of the debris, holding fast to
the cards, Remember, boys, played the
tray for low" That chap will be Lleuten-
ant General, if we ever have another war.
[Richmond (End.) Telegram.
A TRUE SToRY.-It is seldom we meet
with true story in the newspapers, and,
when We do, we seize upon it eagerly.
The following, which carries conviction
of its truth to the heart of the reader,
We paesent to the public A late Wis
consin paper tells Of farmer who, in
the recent freshet, had eighty rods ofline
fence, running east and west, swung
around by the water, carried a quarter
of mile from it's original position, and
left in an exact line north and south,
and on the identical spot where he pro-
posed building fence, and all this with
out displacing a rail from its original 20
siton.
A good story is told of Wigfan, who, at
the collapse of the rebellion, fell into the
vicinity of "a party of Union soldiers in rex
as. Being well disguised; he entered free>
ly into conversation, with the soldiers OF the
guard, and, in the course. Of the conVerSa-
tion, asked what they would DO with 0'u
WigfalI if they were to catch him. Oh
we would hang him CERTAIN was the reply;
And you would serve him right, replied
Wigfall, IF should be with you L nave
no doubt should be pulling: at' the eQf OF
the rope myself? The double extendre
was not suspected, aud its wit was there
fore lost, but it is worth publishing now
A party of NewOrleans youths, just burst
| ing into manhood, ,Wentup town few nights
ago to compliment lady friend OF one OF
| the young gentlemen by a serenade: 1hey
| had barely time to execute one plalntlVe
air, when window opened and q mascu-
line voice good naturedly inquired how
many of you are there? -Four, returned
the serenaders, thinking the inquiry nao
probable reference to refreshments. DIVIDE
That among vou then,' returned the individ>
ual at the window, as he emptled the nuld
contents of water pail over the heads just
then masSed together. -. ..-.@..
A little, keen, bright-eyed girl Of four
wears, on a visit one evening, was being
helped to the knee of a gentleman friend,
and on being told by her mother that
she was too large babyto hold, retorted
almost Immediately, accompanying her
words with an emphatic gesture, "Why
Girls nineteen years old sit on laps, and
You wouldn't call them babies, would
you?"
An old man by the name Of Hopkins,
living in Adrian, Michigan, has just been
made, the happy father Of ''trip plets," all
girls. A young lady commenting on the
wonderful prosperity cfthis family, says
she knows many young married men
who are not one third as smart as old
Mr.. Hopkins.
QUESTION FOR BAcHELoRs.-"Can you
tell" asked blooming lass of suitor
once, "what ship carries more passengers
than the Great Eastern?" "Well, miss,
really don't think can. why, it is
court-sbip," replied the maiden with
conscious blush. -
Lord Norbury having been asked to
contribute a shilling to help>bury an at
torncy who had died poor, exclaimed.
"Only shilling to bury an attorney
Here's guinea; go and bury twenty OF
them % ........
At Adrian, Mich, a lady saW an en-
CINE house with steeple, and iunocently
asked gentleman attendant, "W hat
church is that ?" the gentleman after
reading the sign "Deluge No: 8, "Teplled ::
II guess it must be the third Baptist.
The defence of man in Pennsylvania,
sued for s25, 900 for breach Of promise,
is that the young lady weighs 200 pounds
and it is coming warm weather.
A boy at Anoka, Mimi, recently filed
musket with sand and gunpowder and tlred
il over his head. He will never do 1t again;
his head was blown OIL.
IF q girl is unfortunately stoneblind let
her Get married-if that doesn't open her
eyes nothing will.