The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1866-11-01
Straps, caarts and saanties.


ground, ike yonng pick-pocket2 Be-
cause it is little sharper
Why are bankrupts more to be pitiesd
than idiots2 Because bankrupts are brok-
en-, while idiots are only cracked.
- What is patriot ? A fellow, who
loves his country and wants to make as
much out of it as possible.
= It costs us more to be miserable than
would makes US perfectly happy; how
cheap and easy is the service Of virtue !;
and how dear do we pay for our vices.
= It is said that doctors can mitigate
the pains of sickness; certainly good
many of them make dying very easy
shing.
The latest style Of collar for men has
turned down corners, on which appear
dogs and horses heads. ASS ears are
worn little high up.
"A man who was thrown from q ran.
road track by cowcatcher, said be dia
not care about Fighting it out on that
line"
Prentice says an Irish cotemporary
speaks of a family that were poisoned,
and. latter vomiting themselves TO death,
recovered.
hrute to his wife, "when / beat you l beat
half of myself" "Well," said his wife,
athen beat your own half, not mine"
Have not all the thrones of the earth
been founded upon might, and have they
not each to give way to one founded on
? A woman in Louisville lately gave
birth to twins, and shortly afterwards
sold them to two neighbors--the boy for
two dollars and the girl for two pairs OF
childrens' shoes.
aCharles, dear, now that we are mar
ried, you know, we must have no secrets.
So. do, like o dove, hand me that bottle
of hairdye; you will find it in my dres-
sing-case."
How came such greasy mess in the
oven ? said fdgety spinster to her maid
of all work. Why replied the girl, the
candles fell into the water, and I put them
In the oven to dry. :. i,
"A man about town was lately invited
to a sewing party. The next day a
friend asked him how the entertainment
came off. "Oh, it was very amusing" ne
replied, athe ladies hemmed and hawed.N
- A Western editor thus "cusses" an
opponent: "May his cow give sour milk.
and his hens lay bad eggs;' in short
may his daughter marry one-eeyed edit
or, his business 60 to ruin, and ne so to
Congress"
= You can't get along in the world
with a homely wife. She'll spend half her
time in looking in the glass and turn, and
twist, and brush, and fix, till she gets
completely vexed with her own ugliness,
and she'll 90 right off and spank the baby.
= The Mayor of a town in France,
with zeal unmixed with knowledge, in
his anxiety to be ready for the cholera,
had graves dug in advance enough to ac-
eommodate the entire population OF his
municipality.
The remarkable difference between
printing and publishing was clearly ex-
planned by a young lady, OF Hoboken, to
aesy srinter boy. She said, "you could
easily print kiss on my cheek, but you
should not publish it,"
"A dispute arising as to the best
mode of dressing a beefsteak, the contro-
versy was determined by one of the dis
putants giving Shakespeare as an authori-
ty-ssIf, when done, 'twere well done,
then 2twere we'll it were done quickly"
"A little boy, about siS years old,
was using his. slate and pencil on the
Sunday, when his father, who was mill
ister, entered and said: "My son, 1 prefer
that you, should not use your slate on the
Lords day" ~ am drawing meeting
houses, father" was the prompt reply.
aGrandpa, did you know that the
United States have been In the habit OF
encouraging and acknowledging tories =, =,
"Certainly not; what kind of tories q
sTerritories. Now give me some peanuts,
or@I'll catch the measles, and make you
pay for 'em."
A man in Richmond, Ind, has a re-
ligious hen. She believes in observing
the Sabbath, and illustrates her faith by
hen.practice She regularly lays her dai-
ly egg every day of the week until Sat
urday, when she lays two, and then holds
until Monday.
- Brigham Young's daughter, Fannie,
being strongly pressed to give herself to
aswealthy friend, she said she would con-
sent son the condition that she should
have as many husbands as her liege lord
had wives" They didn't push that suit
much.
.-"Why, Bridget, said lady, who wish
ed to rally her servant girl, for the
amusement of the company, upon the
fantastic ornamenting of huge pie, "did
you do this ?" You are quite an artist.
aPray, how did you do it?" "Indeed,
mum, it was myself that did it, replied
Bridget "Isn't it pretty? / did it with
your old false-teeth, this morning mum /"
ABAppY WoMAN.--Is she not the very
sparklo and sunshine of life? A woman