Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-10-10

ilized country and 1 dare say it seldom
has been your duty to pass upon one so
shocking to benevolent feelings, as this
which took place over at Captain Rice's
in this county; but you will hear from
the witnesses"
The witnesses heing sworn, two or
three were examined and deposed One
said that he heard the noise but did not
see the fight; another that he saw the
row, but did not know who struck first
another that he was very drunk and
couldn't say much about the skrinmage.
Lawyer Chops-I am sorry, gentle
men, to have occupied your time with the
stupidity of the witnesses examined.
1t arises, gentlemen, altogether from a
misapprehension on my part. Had l
known as l do, that l had a witness who
was acquainted with all the circumstances
of the case, and who was able to make
himself clearly understood to the court
and jury, I should not have trespassed
so long on your patience. Come forward,
Mr.. Harris, be sworn.
So forward comes the witness, a fat,
chuffy old man, "ieetle" corned, and
took his oath with an air.
Chops-Harris, we wish you to tell
about the riot that happened the other
day at Captain Rises, and as good deal
of time has already been wasted in cir
cumlocution, We wish you to be com
pendous, at the same time as explicit as
possible.
Harris-Adzakly, (giving the lawyer
a knowing wink, at the same time clear
ing his throat.) Captain Rice he gin a
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she come
over to our house and axed me if my
wife she moutn't go ? told cousin Sal
ly billiard that my wife was poorly, be-
ing as how she had a touch of rheumat-
les in the hip, and the big swamp was up
in the road, there havin been deal of
rain lately, but howsOever, as it was she,
cousin Sally Dillard, my wife she mout
90. Well, cousin Sally billiard then ak
ed me if Nose he moutn't go? I told
cousin Sally billiard that be was the fore
man of the crap, and the crap was smart
ly in the grass but, hoWsoever, as it
was she, cousin Sally billiard, Nose he
mout 90.
Chops-In the name ofcommon sense,
Mr. Harris, what do you mean by this
Witness-Captain Rice he gin treat
and cousin Sally billiard she came over
to my house and asked me if my wife
she moutn't go ? and l told cousin Sally
Dilard-
Chops-stOp, sir, if you please; we
don't want to hear about your cousin
sally billiard or your wife; tell US about
the fight at Rice's.
Witness-Well will; sir, if you will |
let me-
Chops-well, sir, go on.
Witness-Well, sir, Captain Rice he
gin a treat and cousin Sally Diliard she
came over to my house and axed me if
my wife she moutn't 60.
Chops-Here it is again, Witness,
please to stop.
Witness-Well, sir, what do you want?
Chops-We want to know about the
light, and YOU must not proceed in this
mpertinent story. Do you know any
hing about the matter Eefore theeOurt
Witness-To be sure I do!
Chops-Well, go on, then, and tell it,
md nothing else.
Witness-Well, Captain Rice, he gin
treat
Chops-This is intolerabIe May it
,lease the court, I move that the witness
,e committed for contempt. He seems
0 be trihing with this court.
Witness, you are before the
ourt of justice, and unless you behave
-ourself in a more becoming manner you
7ill be sent to Jail so begin and tell me
that you know about the fight at Rice's.
Witness--Well, gentlemen, Captain
Rice, he gin a treat, and cousin Sally
)illard-
Court-(after deliberating.) Mr.. At
Oraey, the court is of an opinion that
,e may save time by letting the witness {
o on in his own way. Proceed, Mr..
Iarris, with your story, but stick to the
oint.
Witness-Yes, gentleman. Well, Cap >
ain Rice he gin treat, and cousin Sally 7
billiard come over to our house and {
xed me if my wife she moutn't go? L Z
DID cousin Sally billiard that my wife a
he was poorly, being as how she had the 7
heumatics in her hip, and the big =
Hamp was up howsoever, as it was she, /
ousin Sally billiard, my wife she mout Z
o. Well, cousin Sally billiard they ak
me if Nose he moutn't 60. l told E
ousin Sally billiard as how Nose was s
ne foreman Of the crap, and the crap
as smartly in the grass, but howsoeVer S
5 it was she, cousin Sally billiard, Nose 7
c mout 90. So they goes on together, .
lose, my wife and cousin Sally billiard, .
nd they comes to the big swamp, and it ?
as up, as was telling you; but being t
5 how there was log across the big
wamp, cousin Sally billiard and Nose
Ike genteel folks, they walked the log,
ut my wife, like a burned fool, hoisted
p her coats and waded through. l.
Chops-Heaven and earth this is too t
ad but go on. h
Witness-WeIL, that's ALI knoag about /
,e fight. L
Quaker Wedding Beautiful Bride and In i
teresting Ceremony. Il
4 CORRESPONDENT Of the Richmond '
,-r;+;rc. g-o,,, I ,,,1,r, oo-,F,r