Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1866-01-03
COMPLETE SATISFACTION

General Lee has asked the Virginia
Legislature for an appropriation to aid
in establishing five additional profess
sors in the college of which he is Presi-
dent.
A ''down east" debating club is argu-
ing the question: (which is the most eff
fective agent in the reduction of the pop
ulation of civilized countries; war, chol-
era, or railroad switchmen?
Two young gentlemen, rivals, called
the same evening on the object of their
affections. "John," said the one who
came in last, and who had an UNI
brella in his hand, eff come here again
and find you here, I'll run this umbrella
through you-and spread it."
Two sons Of Erin were standing by a
hydraulic press superintended by friend
of mine, when one called out to the 9TH
err: Jim, I'd ike to put you under and
squeeze the devil out o'ye." Would you,
indade, my boy?" was the answer
Squeeze the devil out of you an there'd
be nothing left !"
The late Rev. Daniel Isaac was both a
great wag and great smoker. "Ah,
there you are," cried lIdy, who surpris-
ed him one day, enjoying his pipe, "at
your idol again." "Yes, my dear mad
am" he replied coolIy, 81 hope you do
not find fault with me, for ought'to be
commended as you see Pm burning it,"
DR.. Letsom, famous physician of the
last century, used TO sign his prescrip-
tions, 81. Letsom, which gave rise to the
following epigram:
when any patient calls in haste
I physics, bleeds and sweats 'em;
If after that they choose to die,
Why then, of course, 1. LETS EN-"
During the fight at Fishers Hill, at
which the Federal troops were victorious.
the rebel General Jubal Early, in riding
to the front, met a man pitching towards
the rear. Farley accosted him thus:
who are you, and where are you going p
81 am Chaplain, going to the rear"
Eyes, curse you, you've been wanting to
60 to heaven for some time and now
you've got chance you run away"
bob, Harry Smith has one of the
greatest curiosities you ever saw" Don't
say so! What is it?" ga tree that new
er sprouts, and becomes smaller the old
er it grows" "Well, that is a curiosity,
Where did he get it?" From California;
"What is the name of i'll" sAxeltree-
it once belonged to a California omnibus"
You like plenty of nice things, don't
you, Johnny? How many cakes did Won
have at the pastry cooks yesterday ?''-
Five: first a sponge cake, then an al
mond cake, then currant cake, then a
sweet cake, and then a stoma-cakel"
A little boy, five years old, while with
ing under the. tortures of the ague, was
told by his mother to rise up, and take
powder she had prepared for him. "Pow-
der, powderl" said he, rising upon his
elbow, and putting on a roguish smile,
g mother, 1 amt gunl"
Baron Rothschild once complained to
Lord Brougham of The hardship of not
being allowed to take his seat in Parlia-
ment. You know" said he, 81 was
the choice of the people" To which the
ex Chancellor, with his usual causticity,
replied, 81 So was Barabbas"
An old gentleman who, many years ago.
used to frequent one of the coffee-houses
where physicians most did congregate.
being unwel, thought he might make so
free as to steal an opinion concerning his
case; accordingly, he one day took an
opportunity of asking DR.. Mott, who sat
in the same box with him, what he should
take for such complaint. "I'n tell you"
said the doctor, sarcastically, "you should
take advice"
Receipts from the internal revenue
since July have been Sl70,0O0OOO.