Abbeville press. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1860-1869, 1866-03-23
W1LLARD's HOTEL, February I6 1876,
LIVE WIVES AND DEAD HUSBANDS


might drive nails into his temples, and ho
wouldn't know it. Look at him I,eps nm
Head thrown back. The inevitable and ompi.
present pipe in his mouth the very picture of
absorbed enjoyment: Three papers he has
nene me W, reGd every one erss-eross
he has CLEANED every particle of news. One
good hour he has been at it. Now if I saw to
him, "John, what is the news this morn;no q,
that man will reply, "Oh, none--nothinr in
particular; there they are; take 'cn if you
Now nobody in his senses believes That John
has been employed one good hour reading
nothing. He is just too lazy to tell what he
mas read, that's the amount oft. Now hod
much rnther read those papers than mend this
coat OF his. II is really too bad in John; he
might have given me something to think about
while was doing it. An ideas Suppose trv
TINS y, lazy system on him. Now if there's any.
thing men like, when their wives come home
win budget Of news it is to have them cit
down and entertain them with it.. Not about
troubles OF servants and broken crockerv. of
course; but spicy little bits of gossip: about
.ne'r friend Jones wife, and what the witty
Mrs.---snid on such an OCCASION. and how
the pretty and saucy Miss said if she were
Smith's wife she would. Oh, don't thew
like to hear all about il! and don't they like to
question Them as to how women think and feel
on euch and such subjects. which information
they can only obtain by their wives turning
states-evidencet OF course they do; and when
bright little woman has chattered to them
On hour or more, and told them more funny
ana an amusing things than You could count, and
do they make9 Why they just stretch their
length on the sofa and 60 to sleep. Now 1
tell you what Il for one have borne this
state OF Things long enoughi 1t is all owing
to that vile lethargic tobacco. Before long
we women VIII DO expected TO cut up their
vletuals and feed them; they will be too lazy
even to eat. Now III tell you what I mean
TO do. ain going to stop giving out. and cut
OF suPpiies. till get something back. I'll
just try the monosylabic system on John. He
will say to night, swell, Mary, where have
you been pee to'daya and what have you seen Z"
"oh, went round little. and 1 didn't see
anything in particular" Then John will take
scrutinizing look at me. and ask if / have
the headache; and shall answer sweetly,
NO. dear" Then John will try again: Well,
Mary, did you go shopFing3" "Ia no-oh, no,
dear. didn't go shopping to-day" Another
look l.9 at me. and another period of reflection.
Have you heard any bad news, MaryI"
"No, John. I hope not" "Wsil-whas the
mischief makes you so silent9 You generally
have 80 much to tell me, and you sometimes
get of a very bright thing, if You did but
know it. Something is the matter with you
what is its" and John will come round and
peep into my face. ''Ohl pshaw-I know:
you are paying me off for not talking" he W iii
say. half vexsd, half repentant.
:, ihen shall get mp on chair, in the mid
die of the room and hold forth. Yes Jokn-
That's just it You haven't the ghost of an
idea how horrid stupid you've grown. Don't
hate that lethargic tobaccol It is going to
revolutonize society. let me tell you. We
women are squirrellike creatures and can't
stand it. No wonder all these " full trials fill
the papers. You needn't laugh. tell you it
takes too to make home bright. Don't you
suppose. You lazy thing, chat woman is as
much perplexed and worried and sick of the
practical, at the end of the day, as man can
bel: Do you suppose she always feels like
giving out:the last remnant Of her vitality to
amuse q statuef ! tell you she wants res
.ponse; and she wou'd d nave it, too, if, a mans
soul and body were not so tobacco steeped.
that sxery sense and feeling IA merged in the
one drowsy desire to let tho world and eve
rything- in il, including its wives, 60 to the
dogs. And they are goirr.5Johni Now, last.
~ and finally, tell jnu and all other Johns
who may read this, that it isthe worst possible
policy on your part. as you'd see if you ever
sides, which you don't. You can wonder how
Smiths wife, or how! Jones' wife, could ever
have done thus and so ;but it never enters
your Glow heads to ask if the homes Of these
wives were silent and cherries, ond IL their
husbands took all their attempts TO enliven
them as matters OF course, and gave no echo
back; aud that being the scase, whether the
bright sunbesms outside. might not glitter TOO
their weariness.n And hereI
shall jump down from the chair, and, looking
st John. shall see--that ne is tast asleep.
- >ia-: :. -. - Fanny FERN.
+, g. = . .