Daily union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1865-1866, 1866-11-07
stmiun and Smrritau.
ARTEMUS WARD.
IA Chapter of His Experience
as a Snowman.
SOMETHING SENSATIONAL.

From a recent letter to the London Punch
understand animals better than any 9TH
or class Of human creatures. / have 4 very
animal mind, and I've been identified with
'em doorin my entire Professional career as
Snowman, more especial bears, wolves, leo
pards, and serpunts.
The leopard is as lively animal as ! ever
came into contack with. Ii is troo he can
not change his spots, but you can change
'em for him with a paint-erush, as / once
did in the case Of a leopard who wasn't nat
rally spotted in an attractive manner. In
exhibitin him used to stir him up in his
cage with protracted pole, and for the pur-
puss Of making him yell and kick up in a
ieopardy manner, / used to 'casionally whack
him over the head. This would make the
children inside the booth scream. with fright,
which would make fathers of families out
side the booth very anxious TO come in-be-
cause there is a large class Of parents who
have an uncomfortable passion for takin
their children 10 places where they will
stand chance Of being frightened to death.
One day l whacked the leopard more than
usual, which elissited remOnstrance from a
tall gentleman in spectacles, who said, "My
GOOD man, do not beat the poor Gagged animal.
Rather fondle him."
"PlI fOndle him with club" / anserd,
hitting him another whack.
" / prithy desist," said the gentleman
stand aside and see the eheck Of kindness.
understand the idiosyncracies ofthese Gre
turs better than YOU do" With that he went
up TO the cage, and thrusting his face in be-
tween the iron bars he said soothingIy
come hither, pretty ereetur," The pretty
creeter come-hithered rayther speedy, and
seized the gentleman by the whiskers, which
he tore of about enuf 10 stuff small cush
ion with.
He said, ''You vagabone, Pll have you
indicted for exhibitin dangerous and i'm
moral animals"
l replied, "Gentle Sir, there isn't animal
here that hasn't beautiful moral, but you
mustn't fondle 'em. You mustn't NEEDLE
with their idiosincracies."
The gentleman was 4 dramatic cricket,
and he wrote a article for paper, in which
he said my Entertainment was a decided
failure.
As regards Bears, you can teach 'em to do
interestin things, but they're unreliable.
had very large grizzly bear once, who
would dance, and larf, and lay down, and
bow his head in grief, and give a mournful
vale, etsetry. But he often annoyed me. 1t
will be remembered that on the occasion of
she first ba' lie Of Bull Run, it suddenly &C.
curd 10 the Fed'ral soldiers that they had
business in Washington which ought not 10
be neglected, and they all started for that
beautiful and romantic city, maintainin
rate Of speed durin the entire distance that
would have done credit 10 the celebrated
French steed, Glddidteur. Very naturally
our Government was deeply grieved at this
defeat; and said to my Bear shortly after,
as / was given a exhibition in Ohio-I said,
'Brewin, are you not sorry the National
arms has sustained defeat /" His business
was 10 vale dismal, and bow his head down,
the band "a barrel origin and wiolin) play
ing slow and melancholy moosic. What
did the grizzly old cuss do, however, but
commence darncing and lariin in the most
joyous manner. ] had narrer escape from
being Imprisoned for disloyalty. / will re-
late another incident in the career Of this
retchid Bear. l used to present what call
ed in the bills A Beautiful living Pictur-
showing the Bears fondness for bis Master
in which I'd lay down on piece Of carpet
ing, and the Bear would come and lay down
beside me, restin his right paw on my brest,
the Band playing Home Street Home very
soft and slow. Altho' l say it, it was a
tuCulu Lhitg bObte. i We seen laA-1OlicCJOTs
weep ever that performance.
Wen, one day / said, Ladies and Cen
tlemen, we will now show you the Bears
fondness for his MASTER" and 1 went and
laid down. tho't l observed a pecoolior
into his eyes, as he rolled clum-
silly to'ards me, but / didn't dream Of the
scene which follerd. He laid down and put
his paw on my brest Affection of the
Bear for his Master" repeated. "You see
the Monarch Of the Western Wilds in n sub
jugated state. Fierce as these animals natu-
rally are, we now see that they have hearts,
and can love. This Bear the largest in the
world, and measurin' seventeen feet round |
the body, loves me as a mer-ther loves her
che-ild~ But what was my horror when |
the grizzly and infamus Bear threw his other |
paw under me, and riz with me TO his feet. |
Then claspin me in a close embrace he |
waltzed up and down the platform in a
frightful manner. l yellin with fear and |
anguish. To make matters wuss, n low sour |
rilus young man in the audiens hollered |
out, 'Playfulness Of the Bear Quick
moosicp jest escaped with my life. The
Bear met with a violent death the next day,
by being in the way when heyily load gun
was fired of by one Of my men.