The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1866-01-26
The Sorrows of a Lecturer,

The Sorrows of a Lecturer.
For the benefit of a numerous class Of
ambitious men who aspire 20 become
popular lecturers, | send you few items
of my experience. l went to Southern
Illinois to &c: started as a lecturer. I
told my hotel-keeper that it was my first
effort in the lecture line, tha, | did not
care for money if ] could only get started
| was unfortunate on that occasion either
in my subject or my audience My sub
ject was, The urgent necessity for the
immediate revival and thorough reorgani-
cation Of the Know Nothing party" Nv
audience were all Irish. got started.
Being advertised by the nom de-plume
Of the " Fat Contributor" my audience is
sometimes disappointed in the size of the
lecturer. Such was the case in a town |
visited in Minnesota last summer Nv
audience was small, owing to the public
being suddenly and severely indisposed -
they were indisposed to come to the lee,
ture. My audience, in fact, consisted of
but one people. He was a gentleman
| began my discourse, Gentlemen and
Ladies'" but changed quickly to Re
spected STRIP Before could proceed
any further my audience arose Indignantly
to lis feet as one man
enquiTed the cause Of the interruption
Sir he said, ";he audience is disap-
pointed in the size of the lecturer"
Well, my dear Sir" said |, ",he
lecturer is disappointed in the SIZE Of the
audience. and if YOU will DOT say anything
about SIZE, won't"
He allowed me 10 proceed, and at the
conclusion was so we'll pleased that he
urged me to stay another night, when he
promised u.e a much larger audience
lie could rot come himself, but would
send his wife, who weighed two hundred
and sixty-five pounds. | didn't stay.
| have had good deal of monev in my
houses Al one time aud another general,
in the pockets Of some eaIIhy man in The
audience. always come home with
money, however; borrow some to come
home with.
have had some large houses. The
largest house | had was at Louisville, X
That house must have been two hundred
feet lorg, ninety feet wide, while in Leigh,
it came pretty high-took all the receipts
to pay rent. A Louisville editor said a
good thing about me- He said: THE
Fat Contributor" lectured last night to 4
small house. His style resembles Ar,emu>
Wards, but he has M, the ease aud
grace Of Aremus before All audience -
As though a lecturer could be at his ease
before an audience, when the audience
would not pay expenses. As grace
accompanies meat, and there WASN'T pref,
enough in the house to buy meat, wAe!e's
your grace
He said, in conclusion that I would
Improve with practice, if had capita
enough 10 continue the practice Aud
this in the face Of The acknowledged facl
that had capital lecture
The fullest house | have had was al
pithoIe Citg, in the Oil Regions Every
man who came was full of beer Tie
lecture went off well, notwithstanding
1t didn't 90 off so well as my doorkeeper
did-he went off with The receipts.
gave Two consecutive lectures at Oil
City. A. the conclusion Of the second
lecture, one Of the first citizen (the second
citizen had not yet arrived) arose and
assured me that had delighted them
greatly. He said they hadn't eDioyed
themselves SO much since the Thayers
were hung. He added that it was the
request Of the audience en- masse altogether
that | should stay another night. The
landlord Of tie inn where was stopping.
arose somewhat hastily, and stated that |
couldn't stay another night with him,
unless my bill was secured. Such is
sometimes the encouragement that genius
receives at the hands of the mercenary.
A little town on the Allegheny turned
out we'll The principal occupation of the
inhabitants was to haul oil. That being
the on' ~ hall they had, lec!ured in a
grocery. The people TUNED out in the
most unexpected manner, they turned
ont the Ii ghts- then they turned out the
lecturer-because be wasn't ia; enough
They gave me twenty minutes to leave
town. | told them if they'd make it
twenty dollars I'd go. ..-...
tes felt something come against me very
rapidly from behiLd. My first preston
was that it was an old fashioned leather
vaise Subsequent reflection has con-
WINGED me that it was boot. | shook
hands with them all with much feeling.
| told them they must excuse me, for
felt that | bad got 20 go! Leaving some
what hastily | caught the sound of cherub
voices in tt at grocery, singing in tones Of
the most pathetic inquiry -.
Shall we never more behold thee,
Never hear that winning voice again?"
| yelled back that ibey- woudn'l-not If |
could help it. THAT winning voice"
oidn't seem to win in that peigbborhood.
A freud advised me to 20 twice TO the
same place. He said although | might
only make expenses the first time, the
next time i. would lie different. /, was,