The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1866-10-18
Strags, Stats and 9anries.


- The man who lost his balance is said
to be studying dentistry-putting teeth in
the mouth of the Mississippi.
Physicians advise US to drink less at
our meals. Better advice-orink less be-
tween meals.
= The two neighbors who "fell out, "
have got in again. Both were somewhat
injured.
"A vessel made entirely of cork is at
Mobile. We suppose it is propelled by a
cork screw.
If you wish to satisfy yourself as to
a mans resources in an emergency, set a
dog on him.
- In battle the fire flashes and is gone,
the smoke rises into the air and vanishes-
the ashes repose beneath.
- What is it we all frequently say we
will do, and no One has yet ever done?-
Stop minute.
az think now see new lecture in
this ease," as the lawyer said when his
client informed him that he had plenty of
money.
- Women are the friezes and carvings
around the temple OF humanity-the sauce
which gives all it's sweetness to the dump
ling of life.
When rich man leaves his fortune
to charitable institutions he makes "each
particular heir to stand on end like quilts
upon the fretful porcupine."
- "Did the minister put stamp on
you when you were married, Mary?" GA
stamp, Charles! What for, pray?" "Why,
matches amt legal without stamp, you
know"
II have herd a CRATE deal ced about
@broken hartes," and thare may be flu
ov them, but my experience is that next
tn the gizzard, the harte is the tuffest
thing in the whole critter
= "I wonder where those clouds are
going?" sighed Flora, as she pointed with
her delicate finger to the heavy masses
that Aoated in the sky. II think they
are going to thunder!' said her brother.
= "What makes you look 80 grum,
Tom" sob, have to endure sad tri-
al to my feelings" "What on earth was
it?" "Why, I had to tie on pretty girls
bonnet while her ma was looking on"
- The latest fashion in dress skirts is
to have them 80 short that looping is un-
necessary. The effect, however, is not
that of short dresses, for the petticoats
are worn long and are ornamented to cor
respond with the dress.
- A little boy running along stubbed
bis toe and fell on the pavement. "Nev-
er mind, my little fellow" said bystand-
or; 'you won't feel the pain tomorrow"
WThen." answered the little boy, 81 won t
cry tomorrow"
A fellow out West on being asked
whether the liquor he was drinking was a
good article, said: "WaI, don't know,
I guess so, there is only one queer thing
about it, whenever I wipe my mouth l
burn hole in my coat sleeve"
= To an INDECENT person, who was per-
petuslly boasting of his ancestry, an in
: -dustrious, successful tradesman ofhumble
origin observed: "You, my friend, are
proud of your descent; 1 am proud of my
ascent"
AN artist invited a gentleman to crit
icise portrait Of Mr.. Smith, who was
somewhat addicted to drink. Putting
his hand towards it, the artist exclaimed,
"Don't touch it, it is not dry" "Then," :"
said he, cit cannot be like my friend
Smith"
-"Does whistling annoy your" asked
an individual who was addicted to it of
his friend. "No," was the reply, "provi-
ded you whistle the right tune" "What
is that" was the query. "Over the Hills
and far away" was the response, with
meaning.
= 4 gentleman crossing narrow
bridge, said to countryman whom ne met:
~ think this narrow causeway must
be very dangerous, my honest friend
pray, are not people lost here sometimesY'
aLost! no, sir, I never knew anybody
lost here in my life; there were several
drowned, but they were all found again.
A Manchester man with devoted
eye to the concrete, and who absolutely
ignores the abstract, was awoke by his
wife one fine spring morning with the re.
mark, "My dear the day is breaking p
when he turned over and replied. "Wel
well, let it break-let it break; it owes me
nothing"
DOMESTIC LlFE.-He cannot be a happy
man who has not the love and smile o.
woman to accompany him in every de-
partment of life., The world may be dark