Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1866-09-04


PREFACE. great anxiety of the peo-
pie of Jefferson to learn something about the
leading candidate for the Office of Commons
wealth's Attorney has induced the author to
undertake towrite the life of the distinguished
Stuggs. The public will appreciate the many
difficulties surrounding the author, and will
pardon all faults in the style in which his
work has been done.
PART I.
STUG6s was born, and was very young at
the time. Some authorities assert that be is
selfmade man, but they are clearly mis-
taken. We have positive testimony for say
ing that he was born. Shortly after he was
born he beloved Justify, and would not be
comtorted until a generous supply of the lac
teous fluid was given him. To the course of
time, and by constant exercise of the sucker
qualities which were largely developed in
him, young Stuggs grew apaoe, and was, quite
early in life, enabled to roll upon the floor,
squeel, kick up his heels. bump his head, and
do many other remarkable things. He was
no ordinary baby-indeed, notwithstanding
the fact that he was born, it has been much
doubted whether he was ever baby; certain
it is, that he stopped being baby Just as
soon as he possibly could, got out of his in
tantlle duds, became boy and went to school,
got dogged, kept in, set on STOOL stood in a
corner and made to spell Baker backwards
and forwards until his tongue refused longer
to wag. He had during this eventful time
many sweethearts, but it was we'll known that
he cared more for Coke than Mary Ann
We do not mean to be understood as intima-
ting that he did not love his Mary Ann, but
simply that he loved old Coke much better.
The school boy was the embryo lawyer. 1t
is said, by his nurse, that he used to poke his
big toe in his mouth, and pull at it with won.
dertu! vlgor, as if he was trying to worm some
legal lore out of that most important member
of his body; and, also, that, somewhat later
in life, he used to tie himself up in a double
bow knot and look as much like old Judge
B. as possible. From these incidents we
have reason to infer that Stuggs was not only
born, but born with legal turn of mind. and
an especial love of presentments and indict-
ments, but an utter haired of habeas corpuses
In exactly two hundred and fifty-two months
after Stuggs was born he arrived at the age
of twenty one years. At this period he be-
gan to show what he was He studied the
law-looked the lawyer, and aspired to the
highest rauks in the profession; and it was
at this time that we have the only accurate
description OF his personal appearance. That
sweetest of ali poetesses, Minny Minstrel. his
intimate friend and, companion, wrote of him:
81, Eddy Stuggs is tall and slim,
He has foot for every limb
This delightful little poem has world
wide repute, not only ON account of it's in
trinsic merits, but of its distinguished sub
ject; and it is now sung by all the Thad glee
clubs, from the Potomac to the Shenandoah.
to the much admired tune of My son Teddy"
Well, after Stuggs performed the above men
toned wonderful feat of getting twenty-en
years on top of himself, he came to Jefferson
and settled at the ancient town of Shepherds;
bat where he came from, ali of our researches
have not enabled US to state. That is small
matter however. He came, he saw. and he
is going to conquer. He is going to be pros
ecuting attorney for Jefferson county. He
is going to take the place of our dedicatee-
He is going to fulfil the brightest dreams of
his babyhood and his boyhood, and dive into
the mysteries of murder. larceny, and all
other high crimes and misdemeanors. The
eye of the public will be on him. but he need
not fear. He is fully equal to the emergen>
cy of prosecuting all criminals that Judge
Curtis and the Supreme Court will leave in
Jefferson county, West Virginia
The author, before parting with this, his
labor of love. would advise the coming prose-
cutor to indict Foreman for stealing this
county, and prosecute him with all energy.
1t will be feather in his legal cap that will
float as long as the hair on his head needs a
comb.
This veracious memoir now closes-not so
the life of Stuggs. That latter is really just
beginning. 1t is useless to speculate upon
the certain splendors of his future career. but
we must say, that although we have been ut
terly unable to tell where Stuggs came from,
we are still more unable to tell where Stuggs
will go when his life's fitful fever is Ger.