The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1866-09-13
dnbsrsolr yllteQigenter,
Scraps. Facts and Fancies.

GW0- -QfSeNSeS-SGuHluS anu 1feItinS.
When is lady's neck not lady's
neck? Wheu it is little bare (bear)
When man makes up his mind he
might we'll feel mortified at the smallncss
of his package.
: If exercise promotes health, those
who collect old bills for editors should be
the longest lived people on earth.
A lady was asked the other day why
she choose to live single life. She re-
piled, "Because I am unable to support
a husband"
Good morning, Mr.. Jenkins; where
havs you kept yourself this long timc%
s:Kept myself" said Jenkins; 81 don't
Keep myself, I live on credit"
"My. wife," said wag the other day
'.came near calling me honey last night"
aIndeed, how was.that~ "Why she call
cd me old beeswax.' -.
--aWhat makes your cows so cross p
said an old lady to the milkman the other
day. across, madam? they are the gent
lest things in the world" "Well, the
milk is always sour p tho matron rcpliod
-aThat's laundering big liew said
Sam. "No, it is only Eliminating en-
largement of elongated vcracity }" replied
Dick. Harry took off his hat, elevated
his eyes and held his tongue.
"Times are so hard / can hardly
manage to keep my nose above water"
said a husband the other night to his wife,
who was importuning him for q new
dress. aNo," she replied with some as
perity, "but you manage to keep it above
brandy. and water easy enoughp'
''-.- doctor, kin you tell me what's the
matter with my child's nose ?-she keeps
picken' of it."
eyes, marin; it is probably an irrita-
ton of the pathetic titilation Of tho opli-
um of the ch@rian."
"ThsHe, now, that's just what told
Becky, but she lowed it was worrums."
1t is estimated that the Government
loss is at least sS,0OO,OOO, per anum, by
the nonpayment or evasion OF the Internal
revenue tax.
"A little boy being asked, "What is
the chief end of man~ replied: "The end
what's got the head on"
How is it that the trees can put on
anew dress without opening their trunks?
1t is because they leave out their summer
- ai shall be athome sunday" remark
ed young lady, as she followed to the
door her beau, who seemed to be waver-
-inc. in his attachment. $50 shall I, !" was
the brute's reply.
- A Frenohman who had been in In
dia, speaking OF tiger hunts remarked:
-. aWhen ze Frenchman hunt re tigare,
ali! ze sport is grand, magnifque butwen
.sestigare hunt re Frenchman, out zero is
ze very devil to pay p
g - A gentleman, walking with two Ia
dies, stepped on a hogshead hoop that
Aew up and struck him in the face "Good
gracious |" said he, (which of you dropped
that ?" .
3 : The girls in Michigan arc taking do
cisive measures with the undecided young
men. A girl asked a young man when
he intended TO marry her. Tho young
man said he was not on the marry, and
the girl broke teapot filed with hot wa
ter. over his head.
aWell, Patrick" asked the doctor,
chow do you do to-day?" 80, dear doc
tor, I enjoy very bad health intirely.
gThiis rhumetis is very distressing indade.
rWhin I 60 to sleep lay awake all night
and nv toe is swelled up as big as a goose's
hens egg, so whin I stand up fall down
directly, and SO I do"
-"My dear Ellen" said young man,
uI have long wished for this sweet oppor-'
tunity, butt hardly dare trust myself to
speak the deep emotions ofmy heart; but
Ideclare to you, dear Ellen, that love
you most tenderly; your smiles would
-shed-would she'd" "Never mind the
swoodshed," said Ellen, ego on with your
pretty talk" .,
- = Chow many rods make an acre {" q
father asked his son, a fast urchin, as he
came home one night from the town
school. "Well, I don't know, governor"
was the reply of the young hopeful, "but
4 guess you'd think one rod made an acre,
if YOU'D get such tanning as did from
old vinegar face this afternoon"
a lady made her husband a present,
q silver cup with an angel at the bottom;
and when she filed for him he used to
drink to the bottom, when she asked him
why he drank every drop? "Becauso,"
ducky, he said, ssI long to sec the dear
little angel" Upon which she had devil
engraved OF the bottom, and he drank
She same, and she again asked the ques,
sion. ssWhy," he replied, "because
v,on'h leave The old devila drop"
;. .. aMother Goose" when she wrote
her famous, 'smelodies," foretold with the
certainty of one inspired with prophesy
the conduct of certain New England
general, when she penned the line:
"And the Butler ran away with the
spoons"
New York. The man who occupied it