Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-02-22
COMECAE.

quack said when saving off poor fellows
leg to cure him of the rhematism.
...What is the difference between ho-
neycomb and honeymoon? A honeycomb
consists of number of small cells" and
a honeymoon consists of one "great sell. ;"
......A young man was fined the other day
twenty dollars for kissing pretty girl
when she didn't want him to- 1t often costs
ten times as much when they do want
him to.
......t How is your husband, dear 2"
asked one lady of another. sob he is in
very bad state,' was the reply. "And,
pray, what kind of a state is he in ?" per-
sisted the other. 'In State Prison"
1.-The following question is now before
the Sand Lake Debating Society:
(Which do women love the best--to be
Rugged in polka, or squeezed in a
sleigh"
We shall issue the decision in an extra.
......A man buying furs in Arkansas, while
conversing with woman at whose house he
had called, asked, g If there were any Pres
byterians around there?" She hesitated q
little, and said, "She guessed not her hus-
band hadn't killed any since they had been
there.
..,...A waiter at recent "grand party"
in Washington, in carrying tray through
the crowd of guests, aocidently hit lady
severe blow with it on the elbow "The
deuce take the tray!" petulantly exclaimed
the lady. Madam said a senator, noted
for his whist playing, who was standing
near, MADAM, the deuce can't take the
treyt
.."There is difference in time, you
know, between this country and Europe"
said a gentleman in New York to q newly
arrived Irishman. For instance, your
friends in Cork are in bed and fast asleep by
this time, while we are enjoying ourselves in
the early evening"
s'That's always the way" exclaimed Pat,
could ireland, never had justice yit."
......There is certain law book whose
index contains the following reference to
Mr.. Justice Best:
Best-Mr. Justice-his great mind.
Surprised that anything great should be
imputed to that irascible judge, the inquirer
looked down letter B of index, and found:
&c Mr. Justice Best said that he had
great mind to commit the witness for pre-
varication."
......DUBUoUE RETAIL MARKET.-Butter,
Sc lick; lard, 10c taste; apples, 8 rotten
ones for sc; coal oil, 10c drop; cider, sc
smell chestnuts, SC pinch; overcoats cost
like ($60); boots down at the heel; eggs.
loo for looking at fresh dozen; jewelry,
ST. grab; dishcloths, 25c each; old ropes,
&c a pound; rags, plenty and cheap; lem
ons, &c taste; waterfalls, So dozen;
house rent, 10c q minute; knock downs, SIS
and costs; dog fights, free clean shirts,
Csc; hot swill, 10c barrel: pork steak, SC
for enough to grease griddle. Herald.
...... The "local" of the Troy Press, takes
the loss of his overcoat coolly. He says:
The chap who stole our overcoat on Wednes-
day night is informed that he is welcome to
it, until we find him out But our wallet In
the left side docket, containing So, 300 in
Washington, including one from President
johnson, urging upon US to accept q foreign
mission, and asking our opinion about his
plan of reconstruction, &C., &c.-the
chief will please return to this Office. No
questions asked. If we are not in leave them
with the boy.
......Not long since, our friend Brown was
on visit to Lookout Mountain, Georgia,
and was much struck with the fact that
fine jet of water was thrown up, above the
top of an eminence ON which the hotel
stands. Walking around the jet admiringly
he accosted plain countryman with:
My friend, is this water forced up by
ram? J" meaning, of course, the hydraulic
cOntriVance so named.
GA ram ?" exclaimed the eountlyman.
eyes, ram, say"
"What on earth-no, SIR it's darned
big mule and it's tremendous hard work
for him. Come here, and will show him
to you"
Brown saw the mule, and left.
......A PATENT PULPIT. Some years ago,
according to the London Punch, benevo-
lent and ingenious Englishman contrived an
excellent article in this line. 1t is to be
into this country:
ssIt was proposed that the patent pulpit
be built in the usual style, but suspended
over the preachers head was to be an appa-
ratus something in shape like candle ex-
tinguisher. This was to descend so as, in
exactly Is minutes, to completely extinguish
the Clergyman, and of course his sermon
could never exceed that period IN duration.
Eight minutes after the sermon had COM
menced loud premature snap or click was
to announce the commencement of the ex-
descent; and it is stated that
upon several private trials no clergy could
be found who had the nerve to continue his
sermon, after hearing this snap or click,
over three minutes longer, such was the
fear in his mind that his light would be hid
den under the suspended bushel."
...." What do the Arabs of the desert
live on, pa? ;" asked roguish girl of her
father.
s'Fudge, Nelly, that's an old conundrum.
They live on the sand which IS (sandwiches)
there"
Yes, but, pa, how do they getem?"
"Well, really, Nelly, you have me there,
l give it up"
"Why, pa, don't you know that the sons
Of Ham are bread and mustered in the will
derness ?"
"Come, come, my daughter, that is too
killing don't say another word"
go, yes, do tell me what they eat on their
?"
"Eat on EN-; why, what do they eat on
'em 2"
Butter to be sure"
Butter how do they get their butter?"
"Why, you know, pa, that when Lots
wife was turned into pillar of salt. all the
family but Ter ran into the wilderness
.PoRTIcAL.--We hasten, says the Chi
cago Tribune, to print the following poetic
gem. 1t is genuine moreeou, distinguished
even among its fellows, scores of which
come to our table daily The writer evil
IDENTIFY possesses that rare modesty which is
- :. ,,,uon+ ~norI> ~ 4r,,o ,an;va Tn h;o do