Delaware State journal and statesman., 1866-12-14
WIT AND HUmoR.

A SHARPER OUTwITTED.-A little way
up the Hudson river from New York lives a
Dutchman. He keeps place of resort for
amateur sportsmen. Like a white man
down South, he is very uncertain and will
bear watching. A company of New York
bloods, on tramp called at his house for re-
freshmenis. One of them had huge duck
gun, heavy loaded. The gun was set down
in the hall, and while the party were drink
ing the Dutchman drew tho charge from
the gun. When the company came out he
asked them where they we're going. The
answer was "a hunting" He offered the
man with the big duck gun chance to
shoot at his turkeys il he would give him
three dollars. He accepted tho offer on con-
dition that he should place the turkeys as
he pleased and have all he killed. By the
aid of some corn he placed the turkeys in
line, and blazed away. There were about
twenty turkeys in the line, and he knocked
over nearly the whole OF Them. The con-
sternatlon Of the poor Dutchman was terri.
BILE. "Ohl Lordyl Obi Lordyr' he cried,
what could have done il? II must have
been the gravel" He vowed that he would
never allow New Yorker to fire at his tur.
keys again, even with an empty gun. The
fact was the sportsman knew how tricky
the old Dutchman was, owed him one 30 he
put two charges in his gun, expecting that
the old fellow would draw one, for he had
played that trick on other parties. He
fairly howled with anguish as his fat tur-
keys were packed up and borne away by
the sportsman.
A mean rich man mentioned In a law case
that he had given poor family some money
In charity, on cross examination said that
he took receipt This confession drew
from General Butler, one Of the counsel, the
following sally, in his address to tho jury:
Gentlemen, the Christian grace of charity
has always won my affections. When q
child at my mothers knee, l learned from
the great Apostle to the Gentiles that
charity suifereth long, and is kind; charity
envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is
not pulled up, doth not behave itself un-
seemly, seeketh not her own. By the same
high authority my young mind was taught
that charity beareth all things, believeth all
things, endureth all things, hopeth all
things But, gentlemen Of the jury, this is
the first time in all my life that have ever
known charity to take receipt.
We saw Jake mailing upa box the other
day, containing some articles which he in
tended sending by express. From the ma
ture of the contents we knew ii was essen
tial that the box should not be inverted on
the passage. So we ventured the suggestion
to Jake to place the much abused "This
side up" ETC., conspiciously upon the cover.
A few days after we saw Jake. Heard
from your goods, Jake2 Did they get there
safelyi" "Every one broke, " replied Jake,
sullenly, Lost the hull lot. Hang the
Express Company" Did you put on This
side up as we told youP' eyes, did; and
for fear they shouldn't see II on the kiver,
put it on the bottom, too-conlound 'em"
The French artist Cham pays his respects
to American cashiers, in the Universe Illus
tire as follows: An applicant presents him
self at bankers-'I have been cashier IN
America. "Very well. You ran away
with the cash box, and consequently you
cannot return there. 1t is safeguard, and
will employ you"
A Galway bailiff having been questioned
as to whether he had spoken to any of the
locked up jurors during the night, grayey
answered, "No, my lord; they kept calling
out for nc to bring them whiskey, but l
always said, Gentlemen of the jury, it is
my duty to tell you that am sworn not to
speak to you"
An old woman on a steamboat observed
two men pumping up water to wash the
deck and the Captain being near by, she ac-
costed him as follows: "Mell Captain, got a
well aboard, eh?" "Yes, ma am, always car
ry one," said the polite Captain. "Well,
that's clever. always did dislike the nasty
river water, especially in dog days"
The Bishop of Carlisle, who thinks that
every boy and girl should learn to repeat
the Thirty.nine Articles. NO" said the
boy, "but have read the Forty Thieves. "
"You may stand, sir, said the Bishop.
A man in Wisconsin, while bathing in the
river recently, discovered after an industrious
scrub OF his person for about five minutes, a
pair of drawers which he had lost about two
years before.
We do not believe in spirltualism or magic
but the other day a veracious witness actu
ally saw a young man turn into a public
house.
Fenian ssterhoods, says a writer, are
much nicer things than brotherhoods. and
far better armed for conquest.
The key to tho mothers heart is the baby
Keep that well oiled with praise, and you cat
unlock all the pantries in the house