The Daily empire. (Dayton, Ohio) 1865-1867, 1866-11-06
Artemus Ward at the Tower of
London.

AIVNhluS WARE at inc 1OWer Oi
LONDON. ttt4f
skarcolY need inform you that your ex-
cellcnt Tower Is very poplar with people
from the agricultooral districks, aud il was
chiefly them class which found waitin at
the gates the other mornlh. 7n
! saw at once that the Tower was estab-
lished on a firm basis. In the entire history
of firm basiss, | don't find basis more
firm thar this one.
You have no Tower in America" said
man in the crowd who had somehow de-
tected my denomination. .
"Alars no. aliscrcd; eve boste Of our
enterprise and Improvements, anil yit we
are devoid ot Tower. America, Oh my
.9nnhappy country, thou has got no Tower
It's q sweet Boon"
The gates vas opened dItcr awhile. and
we all purchist tickets and went into
wNitin room. m I... afoI
"Aly frens," said u palc-faccd little man,
in black close, THIS is a sad day"
"lnasmuch NJ "a howg" said. '''
~ mean it is sad to think that So many
people have been killed within these
gloomy walls My freps, let Us drop II
NO" said, ~ycu must excuse me.
Others may drop one il they feel like il;
but rs for me, decline. The early mama
gers of this iustitootion were II bad lot, and
their crimes was trooly orttil; but / can't
sob for those whodied four or FIVE hundred
years ago If they WAS my own relations
| couldn't It's absurd TO she'd sobs over
things Which occurd durin the rain of
Henry the Three. Let MS be cheerful" 1
continued. "Looklab the festiv WardeIs, in
their red tlannil jackets Theya are cheer
f,il. and why should itnotbe thusly with
us p" '' .' .'
~ Warder now took us IN charge and
showed us the Traters Gute, tile armers
and things. The Trater's Gate is wide
cnutl' to admit about twenty traters abresl.
should ledge; but beyond this. couldnt
see that il was superior to gates in gcn'ral.
Traters. ! win here remark, are Onfort-
nit class of people. u they wasn't they
wouldn't be tratcrs. They conspire to bust
up country--they fdil and they're
tiaters. They bust her, and they become
statesmen and herocsu . ..l ua.
Take the ease of Glostcr, ntterwardsUld
Dick the Three who may be seen at the
Tower. on horseback, in Il heavy tin over
coat--lake Mir. Glostcl's case. Mr.. G. was
% conspirItor of the bnsist dye and if he'd
failed, hc would have becu hung on a sour
apple tree. But Mr.. G. succeeded, and be-
came great. lie4wos slewd by Col. Rich
mond. hut he lives ia histry, and his cques-
rian iggrr may be seep daily Tor six
pence, iu conjunction with other eni'nem
persons. aud no extra charge for the War
Icr's ahle and bnotliul lcctltr.
There's one king in this room who Is
mounted onto a iOamm steed his right
haud graspin BARRIERS pole. | didn't
learn his name. l..+.
The room where the ,laggers amd pistiis
and other Weppins is krpt Is intcrestin.
among This collection oi choice CUTLERY
norist the bow ;ud arrcr " hich these hot
heded old chaps used to conduct battles
with. ltis quip like the bow AMI arrer
used at this day by certain tribesOi Anleri4
can lniunS, alid they shoot 'em oil with
such a aoNtrllcm precision that almost
sigh'd tu he u lniup, when was In llic
Roghy louutiu regiu. They are pleasant
lot. tiiciu luiuns. MIR, Cooper and DIR. Cat
lin have told Us of the red mans wonderful
cloqueHcc, and found il So. our prrty
W.f- stUpt ON the plains of Utah by a band
of Nhushuues whose chief said. "Brothers
the pale face is welcome. Brothers the,
sun is sinki in The west and Wa-na-bucky-
She will soon cease speal,in Brothers, lie
poor red man belongs to u race which &
fast hecOmin eXtink.' lie then whoOped
in Il shrill manner, stole all our blankets
and whisky, aud fed to the primeval forest
TO conceal his emotions.
| will remark here. while on the subirck
Of lnjuus, that they are in the main very
siaky set, with even less sense than the
tenians, and when hear philanthropists
= y
the noble red man nearer the settin sun"
simply have TO say lm glad of il, tho It
is rough OH the settin sun, They call Won
hy the sweet naMe of Brother one mint
and they scalp yottwith their Tomasliawlis.
But wander Let us return To the Tower.
Al one end of the room where the wep-
pins is kept, Is WAX lgger of Queen
Elizabeth, mounted on a fiery stuffed hos.
whose glass eye flashes with pride, and
Whose red nlnrOCker nostril diates hawti-
ly, rs if conscious OF the royal burden he
bears have associated Elizabeth with
the Spanish Armady, She mixed upWith
itat ihc Surry Thtater where 7y0n 10 ne
CoFfis bein in,rrd, and IA which flllb
core is iutroioocod on hoard the Spanish
Admiral ship, giyin the andirns the idee
ilat he intends oponiR nOosic hall ia Ply
mouth the moment he conkcrs that town.
Bat very Interesting drammcr h TToo 10
the Care, notwithstanding the eccentric
eonducl of the Spanish Admiiul; and very
nice il Is nQuecu Elizabeth TO make MafS
Tin VrucgOidu baTonet.
The Narder showsus some nstrooments
OF ioltur, such a. Thumb screws, throat col
lars, etc, Stain that these We're ronkered'
from the Spanish Armady, and addin what
. crooil pcpc the Spaniards was in them
days which clissited from q bright-eyed
little girl OF about twelve summers the re-
mark that she tho't Il a1dS rich 10 talk abdut
screws. when We was Ia a Tower where SO
many poor peoples heads had been cut of.
This made the Nardcr stammer and nirn
rcd. t...Hf I|il
was so pleased with the little girls
brightness that could have kissed the dear
child, and would If she'd been six wears
older ~ T0aH
think my companions intended maxim
a day OF II, for they all had sandwiches, r
sassigcs etc The sad lookin man who had
wanted rs 70 drop tear ainre we started fo
90 round, ning'd such quantities Of sassIpe
into his mouth that ! expected 10 see. him
choke hisself TO death, lac said to me. in th,,
BeaUchamp Tower where the poor prisons
ers writ their unhappy names on the coid'ii
walls "lhis Is z SD sight 7a
"tt is, inderd,' | ausered. ''Aou're black
ia the face. Nou shouldnt eat sassige In
public withoutsome rrllearsals befoiVhand. s.
You mauage III orkwarlly." .Ia.H. lIq
"No," lac said, ~ mean this sad lo6n % ''i
Indeed he was quite right. Tho SO hong
ago all these drehpl things happened. 4
was very glad to git away from this
gloomy room and 80 whore the rich and
sparklm Crown DEVILS Is kept 1 was 81
pleased with the Queens Crown, that IL
ocCurd % mV what agree'ble surprise IL
would I've tO send "A giint tlar oup hnn,t, IA ~,