The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1866-01-25

ion sentiment prevailing in his
ranks, especially among the con.
scripts, none of whom have ever
been jiltod, pleasure General Ce.
libacy experiences mouthly-,hc
main body, twenty lines deep, led
hy myself, General Balmoral, the
" torlorn hope" Of Ancient vii.
ows, in full battle rcgali0, with ban.
ners AMI bonnets high advanced d,
hoops expanded, plumcs flying
English gaitcrs displayed, ribbons
fluttering, silk rustling, sotins shi
mig, perfumes floating, lips pou.
ting, bosoms swelling, nccks arch.
ing, eyes sparkling, teeth entran-
cling, fairy forms dancing, sweet
voices, regimcntal volleys pouring
gu tars and pianos sounding, Lilly
White and Rouge and Sozodon'
/
cntrapping ring'cts waving, hands
OF snow extending, rounded arms
in laces Il s,eniny, cyelids droop
ing, and the who'c of our myst {
machinery of coquc;ting AMI mos
formidable batteries of natura an,
artificial charms in inll play-w
viii certainly utterly discomft,
overwhrlm, route and cXtcrminate
this contumacious, vain. glorious
and arrogant foe, even were he led
by an old sour.hoarted widpwcr H.
st al Of Lieutenant General Nal,
Flirt, who signs himself, by neces
si.y, -clibacy,
VII. 1t is especially enioined
upon all commanders, as n ma,tti
If vital prccaution, that all babies
be kept scrupu ously out Of sight
aud hearing of the enemy, for
should he suspect the existence OF
one of those dear little crcatur s-
sweet sugar plums Of mortality
he will fly t. the uttcrmost parts
nf the carh, barhatonsly pre!crrin2
rhe snci ty of himself and other
bears to that of innocent babies
the VI, tch ".I. ..|.H.H
VIII. The main army Of bache.
lors being thus entirely rontcd. il
will dcvolvc II on the antique vet.
Grams of our arms-our younger
soldiers b i " far more available
for clusc tishting-to pursue ali
caippled bachelors, and to capture
them by means of any resource
that may lay in their power, the
laws Of this war ermittini any
and every species of attack. dc
fence. or ambush that hath been
or may be invited for the use oiwo.
nankini, 10y tailors, tailorcsses,
man-miliners, milliners, dress ma
kers, doctors, wig makers or hom
manufacturers. .I
IN. Noprisoners will bo paroled
for the annals ofhistory prove that
a bachelors oath is nevtr to be
held ofanv valuc when given to o
bar.keeper or a ",s""n, DC she
:. .,sow or spinstcr. Therefore, all
prisoners, rs soon as captured, will
be led in penitential weddinS { suits
to our exechtioner, the parson, and
'he.l and there nIontineutly put to
death. that is married.
Y: All spoils, which will be
found, as we well know. to consist
chiefly Of talors' and BARRIERS ex-
trayagance, hair oils and cI9ar ca
ses, empty heads and vacuous pur.
ses, large rolls Of Confederate mo
ney and little greasy wads Of green
backs, few tooth. picks and some
false teeth, padd, d vests, and high
heel boots, will at once be coniis-
Gated for the use of our babies,
WHO, when the battle is won, shall
be triumlhantly brought to the
front ff
XII. AS the widows are thus fai
neutral, let their rights be respec-
ted and II mutual alliance be made
cxred,ent oiH.5 .brL j
XII. 1t is known that our enc.
ntes are aided and abetted by sun,
Try old reneg do widowers, wear.
ny baeheE,rb uniforms. w hen any
II these nlisereahis are captured
hey will lie furnished with Mrs.
Soothing Syrup, and
ross babies at the public expense
or life. oqmi hHa ogTal ygs1 10 sol
! .dtaiw 70 ssp Il .lniiduoa Il u soJl
; IN CONCLUSION, your commanderI