Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1866-01-12
From the Metropolitan Record, N. VI
Bill Arp Addresses his Constituents.

From the Metropolitan Record, N. VI
Bill Arp Addresses his Constituents.
The Metropolitan Record, of New York,
has been SO fortunate as to engage that very
respectable and highly humorous Georgia
gentleman, Mr.. Bill Arp, as contributor to
that paper. The following is his first con-
trlbution:
Respectabul People:
address you on this okkashun with pro-
found admiration for the great consideration
and the nice discrimination which caused you
to honor me by your votes with a seat in the
Sinate Of Georgy For two momentus and
inspirin weeks the Legislature have been in
soem session, one Of whom am proud to be
which. For several days we were engaged
as skouts, making sorter Of rekonysance to
see whether Georgy were a State OF Injun
neutrality-suspicious. we were in the old
| un-lon, Or out Of it-whether me and my
foxes and you and your foxes were somebody
or nobody, and lastly, but By no means leastly,
whether our poor little innocent children, born
durin the war, were all illegal and had to be
born over again or not. This last pint are
much unsettled, but our women are advisd to
be kahn and screen.
My friends our aim hav honestly been to
git you all back into the folds Of the glory
Gus old Union. Like the prodygal son, we
had nuthin to live on, and feelin lonesome
and hungry have been bowin and scrapin
and making apologys for FIVE or six months.
We have been standing aflr off for weeks
o1,c b,,tl fEo do "
us. They know we've got nothin, for they
eat up our substance, and as for putting rings
on our fingers, we couldent expekt it until
they bring back the jewelry they carried
away. I cannot say, in the langwidge Of
the poet, that our labor hav been labor Of
love, for we've had monstrous poor encour-
agement to be shore; but we had all set our
heads towards the stars and stripes; and we
jintly determined that, come wool come wo,
sink or swim, survive or perish, thunder or
| litenin, we'd slip back, or sneak back, OR git
back somehow OF somehow else, or we'd stay
out forever and ever amen and be hanged to
EN-, so-called, golly.
Up to this time it hay been an up bill bus
mess. The team was good one and the
gear all sound and the wagin creased, but
the road are perhaps the ruffest, rottenest
corduroy in the world It's pull up and
sketch, and pull up and sketch, and ever and
anonymous the skotch slips out and the tung
cuts round and away we pinto the gully.
Andy Jonsin is the driver, and he says, g Go
Slow and he hollers {. Wo! wo." and loses
the road, and then we have to go back to the
fork and, wait till he blazes the way. He
seems to be dom his best, but then there is
Sumner and Satan and Steven and Davis and
other like gentlemen, who keep hollerin at
him and cracker his whip and confusin his
idees, so that sometimes we don't know
whether he's gee-in Or haw-in. My friends,
about them fellers, I don't know what ort
TO say If you do, or if anybody does, I
wish they would say it. I don't encourage
cussin in nobody, not atall, but if you know
Of man that can't be broke of it durin his
material life, it mout be well to hire him by
the year. If Their is in all history good ex~
lluse and a proper subiek, it is upon them
hairless, soulless, bowelless, gizzardless, frat
risidel suisidel, parasidel, sstersidel, abom-
inabul, contemptibul, disgustibul individuals.
I sometimes think Of EN- till my brain gifts
sorter added, and feel like becumin vol
unteer convikt Of the Lunatik Asylorum. -
Charity inclines me to the opinyun that old
Sumner are crazy. I think he has been git
ten worse ever since he took Brooks on the
brain, and it do seem like the disease have
proved contagus. If they are for Peace it
must be the Peace that passeth all under
standin, for we cant fathom it in these re-
gions. They fout us to free the poor niger,
but dident keer for the Union The West
ern boys fout us for the Union, but dident
keer for the niger. BY double tealning on
us they licked us and We gin it up, but now
the enc don't want our niggers and the other
don't want our Union, and its the hardest
skedule to please EN- both that poor van
/ ished peepul ever undertook It's the most
hardest war to wind up that history rekords.
Sumner, Satan and Company are still a fuss
in and fumin about the everlastin niger
want him to vote and make laws, and squat
on a jewry, and want to prohibit us Rebels
from dom the same thing for thirty years to
cum Jerusalem! where is the cussn man
They say its all right for niger not to vote
in Connecticut, bekaus there amt but few OF
EN- thar; and its all wrong for EN- not to
vote in Georgy bekaus there's a heap Of EN-
here, and they talk Logik and Retorik anaz-
in to prove how it is. Well | haint got a
whole passed. Of sense like sum, but as shore
as I'm two foot high niger is a niger ]
don't keer wbar you smell him, and vote is
; vote don't keer where you drap it.
golly they cant git over that.
The truth is, my Teller sitizens, some
times feel like we dident have no Govern
ment. felt that way sorter when Mr.. Glib
son appointed me a committee on the State
Of the Republik. When the Secretary read
out my name all mixed up with the Repub-
Xix, felt that I was obleeged to renig. Ris-
in magestikully to my feet, says |, g Mr..
President, / beg to be respectfully exkused
sur, if you please. If thar is any Republik
on this side Of Jordin, cant purseve it at
this time with these speks. Thar was place
in old Virginny called Port Republik, but
Mr. Rebel General Stonewall Jackson, wiped
out its contents generally in 1868, and |
IL