The Ebensburg Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1865-1871, 1866-08-30
CockaIoruln Aamns.oh.

which was an ahtipathy to seeing woman
eat, fondness FOR having Noel prefxed
to his name, because his initials thereby
became N. B. and, as he said, they were
the initials Of only two men in all he
world, himself and Napoleon Bonaparte
Had Byron and Napoleon continued ia
existence to our day, they would both have
cast aside N. b., as standing FOR Nota
0ena, Take Notice, and assumed those of
G. l.. Co, c-k-a-lo-r-u-m m L-a-ff-i-n-s-t-o k
johnson, the giant of literature, had also
singular peculiarities. He it was, if We
mistake not, who could not abide cat.
Another celebrity would never go into
room or house without putting his right
foot foremost. Another noted character
was accustomed to imagine himself fol
lowed by blue dog, and another that he
was made of glass, and If touched would
fall to pieces. We had once among our
acquaintauces a man who would never
leave his home for bis place of business
on Monday mornings until the clock bad
struck nine, for fear he would meet
red-heade6 woman. He ascribed as a
reason for his idiosyncrasy that to meet
red-headed woman before nine cn a Mon
day morning was a sure precursor of bad
luck throughout the week. Another
peculiarity of Byron was that Of expressing
himself very freely in regard to others
This last peculiarity (singular coinci-
dence y seems to have been even less engraf-
ted upon Byron than upon Cockalorum.-
These Introductory remarks made, we will
now proceed to give the Beauties of
Cockalorum" somewhat after the manner
of the Beauties of Sterne." We might
also state that very eminent authorities
have stuhbornly held that in the same
ratio in which any people advanced in
civilization and refinement, they also
soughtto to soften, improve, and purify their
language. Hence the character of peo
pie or OF individuals may be judged by
their language. So judge of Cockalorutn,
and answer to yourself whether or not
he is worthy TO be descended from dis
tinguished ancestors and to have in his
veins the pure Lafinstok bleed we
think he is.
CoCKALoRUM's CANDoR.
"The AHeghnnan Office is trump this
week Next week we shall e1ctrc them !"
So says Lafhnstok in his last weeks issue.
If any OF our readers should not compre-
hend the full meaning of the terms we
| have italieised, they must consider that
| they have not moved in the same circle as
our distinguished friend and fellow-citizen
Cockal0rum Lafinstok. We are under a
vague impression, however, that any high
bred gen:lem an, especially of Laffn>tok
lineage, who has spent his leiscre hours
in what PLAIN, unsophisticated people call
gambling, can tell them. Any very anx-
ious person might call on CockaloTum.
a CHOICE EXTRACT
Says this scion Of the Lafinstoks
"Agents wanted to canvass for the life and
of Congress from the 18th Congressional Dis
trict, Proprietor OF the AUegh0niGn Office
owner ofshook shops and White Slaves, 4 gent
for the sale of Sellers Worm Vermiiuge
Comptroller of Niue Teams, and Boss of Mules
Written by Jaytod, High Priest and Business
Manager Of a blue-bellied Yankee from the
State of Maine. This is = desirable publica-
ton, and should be in every family. His
speeches are noted for streams of eloque ace :;
while his public services are rendered impress
sive by Jaytod in such a beautiful manner
that the most illiterate person can appreciate
them. Agents are now making from ten to
twenty cents per day, canvassing for the sale
of this valuable wo-k. Send for circular,
or remit five cents to Jaytod and receive a
copy of the work. Al orders must be accom-
panied by the cash.
You see, reader, that extraordinary
origin does not prevent one like Laffinstok
from having the fullest sympathy with
those whose origin is humble and whose
lot compels them TO daily toll. If, per
chance, you are working man, we bid you
appreciate the sympathy that denominales
you 'wiite slave" Feel no anger in your
hear: because of your new name. Re
member that Cockalorum pities you be-
cause of your condition. It is through
sympathy for you, 20 doubt, that he calls
you "mulcs," for the Lafinstoks are men
of unbounded hearts. This high man
who has come among US intimating some
thing about "color" in his blood, ID a
man Of close discrimination, and gives
"mule teams" Controller" and "mules"