Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1866-03-16
How to Keep a Hotel.

First don't call it tavern, or an inn,
or hotel even
Call it a House, and name it after
some great capitalist, big Indian, or
Saint -"Morton Peto House." or
"Whoop-de-Doodle House" or "St.
Bob-o-Link House," that sounds well
and takes the travellers ear.
Be sure to establish an immense bar
ber's shop on the ground floor.
1t causes a grateful odor of the
Balm Of a Thousand Flowers and
Night Blooming Cereus to pervade the
atmosphere, and effectually subdues
and OvercomeS other and less agree
able smells, as for instance cockroaches
and cookery.
If you can hire an Irishman cheap
enough let one man do nothing but
swab tn e marble hall with greasy
water all day long; it conveys an idea
of cleanliness to the guests; at night,
when few are about, it is OF little con-
sequence.
[ said guests and here is point
YOU should by no means neglect.
Be careful i'll speaking of your lodg-
ers, in printed notices and the like, 10
use that term.
1t is refined, and puts them on their
good behavior at once.
Procure well dressed clerk with
curly black hair, if possible. to stand
at the desk, and by ali means insist on
MS wearing diamonds.
Seedy visitors will take no liberties
with such a man.
When a traveller comes in, he is not
to notice him for the space of five
minutes at least; it puts the obliga-
ton at once where it belongs.
You take him in, not he you.
1t is an excellent device to have the
numbers of your chambers reversed
from the old plan, i. e., let them begin
to count from the roof.
Thus when a guest sees the clerk
put No. 10" for instance, opposite
his name on the register, he departs
satisfied, and is too much exhausted
, and cowed by the time he discovers
its whereabouts to make any COM
plant.
Instruct your clerk that it is not his
business to know anything about de-
parting trains and steamboats,.
: When guest has paid his bill and
: is about to depart, let the clerk ask
: cheerfully-"Which way do you go,
y Mr. Robinson p
Some persons are so easily imposed
= upon that the extraordinary fact of a
y y highly bedizcned clerks knowing their
- names two minutes after reading them
" on the register, tickles them tremen-
-. dously.
:" =, 1t will scarcely be necessary to
: make any suggestions in regard to eX-
ira charges in the bills, as they will
= naturally occur to the feeblest of land
lords.
:: You should always, however charge
- for fire in winter in every room that
! mas cOnyenienceS for it, and if remOns
: trated with, reply that it is a ''rule of
the House, and the guest might have
le- had it.
adj This phrase you will find of i'm
ho mense service on all sorts of occasions
H. Procure the largest Chinese gone
all YOU can find, to awaken your guests ii
he the morning and call them to meals.
nd They will conclude that your HOuS
en- is stunning affair.
on A negro will probably beat it NOR
ey. thoroughly than a white man.
fhe Also, on the counter in the office
Ii ,eep an immense hammer-bell.
till y A.juiicious clerk will produce
vas very humbling effect upon d modes
50 guest by striking it rapidly four 0
,at i've time. when he is asked absur
cir questions.
ed Follow these suggestions oarefull
nee aud YOU will go far to prove the trut
lid. ii Emtrson'S aphoriSm that travel
nes the fools paradise Saturday Pres