Delaware State journal and statesman., 1866-07-06
WIT AND HUmolt.

A man once had very troublesome neigh
bor; so he ALWAYS prayed that his neighbor
might move away. Finally his wish was
gratifed. But the second who came, proved
to be meaner than the first; the man then
prayed that this one might never move. "For
II this one leaves" says he, ''the next will
be the devil himself"
Not long ago a little girl, nine years DID,.
said, ma, l want Sarah (the servant) dis
charged Immediately" "What for, my
daughter2" "She told me had better keep
away from the sugar-barrel." ''That was
not sauciness to you at all, it was what she
ought to have told you" "There, Ma, is
where you and don't agee; and if Sarah is
not discharged Immediately, shall ledve,"
A poor tailor, dunning for an old debt the
other day, wrote as follows:-"Dear Jim,
this little account has been standing seven
years, and think it is high time it was paid
To which Jim replied on the same sheet of
paper, while Snip's boy swaiting;-"Dear
Sam, l don't; and may difference of opinion
never alter friendship" What a splendid
diplomatist Jim would have made.
A member of legislature who INDUCED
himself in afternoon maps, requested his
friend TO awake him when the lumber act
came up He omitted by forgetfulness, but
accidentally gave him jog as the house
was discussing bill to prevent fraud. Old
sleepyhead started, rubbed his eyes, and ex-
claimed, "Mr. Speaker, word or two on
that bill, for more than one-hali of my con.
stituents get their living in no other way"
One day at the table of the late DIR. Pease
Dean of Ely, just as the cloth was removed
the subject of discourse was that of an extra
ordinary mortality among lawyers awe
have lost, said gentleman, mot less thar
SIX eminent barristers in as many months
The deacon, who was quite deaf, rose as hi
friend finished his remarks and gave tn
company grace-"For this and every othe
mercy, the Lords name be praised"
A clergyman was once sent for in tn
middle of the night, by one of the ladies O
his congregation.
"Well, my good woman, said he, $50 yo
are very i'll, and require the consultations q
A religiong What can l do for your"
4 "No," replied the old lady, 81 am onl
o nervous and can't sleep"
e "How can help thatS" asked the parsou
!. 30, sir, you always put me to sleep g
q nicely when l go to church that thought
o you would only preach a little for mel"
e The parson 'made tracks"
/. The Chicago Republican CLEANS from ii
l. exchanges that during the past two week
\. Abraham Lincoln was shot in a row in Me-
q York, George Washington detected as
ID chicken thief in Boston, Andrew Jackso
N whipped his wife in Philadelphia, Benjami
. Franklin robbed bank in New Hampshire
T. and George B. Mcclellan died of the measlC
=. in New Jersey.
The Nashville Press and Times, alludin
III to the vaunt of Robert Toomba, at Havan,
H. that he had trampled upon eighteen Unio
e. flags at one time, thinks that Though Tooml
mt himself has passed away from among u
III the Toombs tone still remains"
mt 'Did any of you ever see an elephant
nd skin?n asked the master of an infants schoC
ch 81 have" said a six year old at the foot
of the class. "Where2" inquired the teache
amused by his earnestness. "0n The e
ny phaat" was the reply.