The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1866-10-27
'Fhe Deyii-> E'utty and Sarnisi,.

When = man Gums Il the konklusion that he
would like ,ew kill sum boldly nj thirty PAGES. he
imagineS that he huz bin wrunged. and sends hlz
b-st friend a cEailcnge tew tte a dewelI tina
meet. and an elegant murder IL committed; the
cracks in this translation are puttved up and.
then vanished over, III being kalied "an affair
ov honor When a man rohS a saving bank, or
goes tew uropc on the last steamer. with the sto-
len rcseipts ~ a sanitary kouImItTee IN ms pocket,
4 kommiitee oy iu~vesigl>hUn are got together
tew examine the staff ov affairs. and unanimously
report "a ci~krcTanSv IA his akuunts. 2yunS
men hire 4 hosS and buggy 1T 4 lvrI stable. anu
20 into the kuntry On Suuda. Iha stop At the
tuSt tavern tia meet. and invest m some ardent
spceritS. Tie more th.y hI>te IN. the more tia
drive. till hi aud ri "a ccyiiish bridge tiPS them
over into a deyIlI>h gutter that sumboddy haz
lcf hi the side Ov the road, and they are n. killed.
including the hos> and the buggy. This Is called
A =. Fatal acksident." \ man and hs wife are
living in the middle of joy and consJiashun, tina
are surrounded ON aw! sides ~ 4 yung and inter
eStiug E~,milee, their bread IL cut thin. and but
tered on both sides and the edges. but the &c
strcycr enters the family. the wife wants j nu silk
gown. the man SCI he - be Id il she duZ. and
she =. b. ID If size DON'T One word brings
on another tell tina fife. both of them lose awl the
hair IN their heds. and - full sets of false teeth,
the thing ends IN u divorce. the man runs ava
tew Australia hi tie overland route, the woman
marry'S 4 cirkus rider ut 40 Dollars a month. the
children are adopted III sum Suuda school. and
axe brought up CA Homeopathy. This furnishes Il
collum and a half in the newspaper, under the
he'd ov E. Disturbance ov the married relation
4 youth of 81 summers begins life with ST thou
sand dollars. Several HOSES belong tew him.
there i several fast wimmin that he belongs tew,
awl the tavern keepers are hiz patrons, faro
banks are bit for hiz amusement, consolidated
lotterys are chartered on purVus tew make him
happee nothing IL left undun few make him
feel good. lie wakes up about the 18th nv next
May, without a dollar in his pocket. and a host
ov warm friends on hiz hands. without emmy vsi-
BILE means ov supporting them. lie takes an
akountov stock, lac buys Il pint ov rum and +
wards ov bed kord. the one makes him Timber,
while the other makes him stiff. The putty and
yarai-h in this ka>e IL. Driven tcw desperaShun
on aknunt ov fnansilul PRESSURE" y rale rode
trane stands snorting in front Ov the depoe, the
last bel IL ringing, the kars are full uv souls that
belong tew different Individuals, the konducktor
il full ~ Bourbon. that belongs tew the devil,
the engineer labors under an attack ov Jamaka
for the brOketis. the switchmen likes a leetle good
old rye, the kars diskount 45 miles Il hour. .
trains tri tew pass each other on the same track
it kant he did successfully the mangled and
ded are kountHd III skoreS, II searching inveStiga-
>hum takes phase. the community IL satisfied. be-
kause il was IAN unavoidable kataStrophe.'
The devil furnishes putty and varnish. free ov ex-
pense, tew hide the frauds and guilt of men.
All of which IL respectfully committed bi
ARrEMUs WARD.