New Orleans daily crescent., 1866-11-12
Artemus ward In Lonion.


two countries friendly to'ards each other rather
than statesmen.
look at your last Parliament, and can't see
that single speech was encored during the entire
session.
Look at Congress-but no, I'd rather not look
at Congress.
Entertainn this great regard for commerce,
whose sails whiten every sea- as everybody
| happily observes every chance he gets, learn
with disgust and surprise that a British subjecB
t bot barril of apple sass in America recently
and when he arrow at home he found under a few
delusive layers of sass, nothing bat sawdust.
| should have instantly gone into the city and called
meetin of the leadin commercial men to con-
demn and repudiate, as a American, this gross
| trawd if hadn't learnt at the time that the
draft given by the British subjeck in payment for
| this frawdylent sass was drawd on bankin house
in London which doesn't have existence, but far
otherwise and never did.
/ There is those who 1rt at these things, but to
me they merit rebooks aud frOwns.
With the exception OF my Uncle Wiyim-who,
as I've before statld, is an uncle by marriage
/ only who is a low cuss and filled his coat pockets
/ with pies and billed eggs at his weddn breakfast,
given to him by my father, and made the clergy
man united him present of my fathers new
| oyercoat and when my father on discovern itgot
into rage and denounced him, Uncle Wilyim said
the old man (neann my parent) hadn't any idea
of first-class humor with the exception Of this
wretched uncle, the escutcheon of my family has
never been stained by games. The little harmless
deceptions l resort to in my perfeshion do not
call games. They are sacrifices to art.
4 | come of a very clever family.
The Wards is very clever family indeed.
l believe we are descended from the Puritans,
who nObly fed from a land of despitsm to a land
Of treedm, where they could not only enjoy their
own religion, but prevent everybody else from en-
j0yen his.
AS said before, we are very clever family.
was strollin up Regent street the other day
thinkin what a clever family I come of, and
and lookin at the gay STOP windows. I've got
some new close since you last saw me- I saw
rlInl, 9TH lflUff In 0vri1 n1-
server tho far back into the dim yister of the past
and gave EN- to orphan asylum. The close
wear now bot of Mr.. Moses, in the Commercial
Road. They were expressly made, Mr. Moses in
formed me, for nobleman, but as they fitted him
too MuGhIy, partiC ly the trows'rs (Which is blue
with large red and white checks,) he had said,
| " my dear feller, make me some more, only mind
be sure YOU sell these to some genteel old teer' -
like to saunter thro' Regent street. The shops
are pretty, and it does the old mans heart good
: to see the troops Of fine healty girls which one
may always see there at certain hours in the after
9 noon, who don't spiie their beauty by dev0urin'
cakes and sugar things, as too many of the Ameri-
Il can French asses do. Its mistake about every
body being out OF town, guess. Regent street is
e full. I'm here; and, as said before come Of a
J very clever family
It AS was waIkin' along amoosin myselfby stickin
If my penknite into the calves Of the footmen who
l. stood waiiin' by the swell.CoaChes mot one oi
e whom howlea with anguish | was accosted by q
e man about thirtF-tive summers, who said, " have
|, | seen that face somewheres afore.h
e He was q little shabby in his wearin' apparil
it His coat was one of those black, shiny garments
G which You can always tell have been FURNISHED BY
J. adversely; but he was very geutlemanly.
o :" Was it i'll the CFimea, comrade? Yes it was
IS 1t was at the stormR OF SebastOpol, where had
e a narrow escape from death, that we met!''
J. said, . No. wasn't at Sebast0pol. / escaped
:, fatal wound by not being there. TWAS healthy
II old fortress l added.
i 'sIt was. But it fell. 1t came down with
Il crash"
i And plucky boys they was who brought hel
VI down. l added; and hurrah for 'em"
0 The man graspt me warmly by the hand, ant
n said he had been in America, Upper Canada
it Africa, Asia Minor, and other towns and he't
e never met man he liked as much as he did me
j. Let us, he added let US to the shrine of Bac
n Ghus Il. And ne dragged me into public house
d | was determined to pay, so said % Mr.. Bacchus
+ give this gen'lman what he calls for.n
IS We conversed there in very pleasant manner
II till my dinner time arrove, when the agree BIZ
y gentleman insisted that should dine with him
t, We'll have banquet, sir, fit for the gods.''
J. l told him good plain vittles would SCOT me. I
e the, gods wanted to have the dispepsy they wa
if welcome to it.
/ We had soop and fish, and a hot jint, ant
a growsis and wines of rare and costly vintage
If We had ices, and we had froots from Greenland
al icy mountains and Injys coral strands and whe
'e the sumptuous repast was over the agree ma
on the marble center-table. But, by Jove y h
It, said : 1t was feast fit for the gods"
n | said, Oh, never mind, and drew out m
$, puss; tho inardy wished the gods, as the diI
ut ner was fit for 'em, was there to pay for it.
N ! come OF a very clever family.
II The agree bic gentleman then said, "Now I wi
d show you our club. 1t dates back to the time o
n William the Conqueror.n
tt Did Bill belong to it ?" inquired
d .WajI, said, off Billy was one of ,crn I Inae,
10 no other Endorsement as to its respectfuness an
ie Ill go with you, my gay trooper-boy!' And W
e. went off, arm-in-aIIn.
1t On the way, the agreeable man told me that tn
lie club was called the ooshers. He Bed | woult
notice that none OF them appeared in eYenin dress
re He sed it was again the roofs of the club Infack
S, if any member appeared there in evenin dres
es he'd be instantly expelled. ''And w.t." he added
is there's geneyus there, and lofty emotious an
n ntelieck You'll be surprised at the quantities
b. ntelieck y0ulls there.n
Of We reached the Sloshers in due time, and
Of must say they was shaky lookn lot, and til
public house where they convened was certanl
Id none of the best.
ld welcome. " What beautiful breastpin you haV
he got" said one of EN-. :" Permitme, u and he too
ny it out Of my neckercher. Isn'tit luVly' he SAT-
e. parsin it to another, who parsed it to another
III was given me by my aunt, on my promisin her I
never swear prOtanely; and never have, exceI
on very special occasions. l see that beautif1
a boosem pin parsin from one Slosher to anothe
" and I'W reminded Of them sad words of the poi
''parsiu away parsin away!" I'never saw it I
se more. Then in comes athletic female, who L
70, sooner sees me than she utters loud yell ar
elk cries:
It I" At larst! at larst! Ny Wilyim from I'll
ial seas! y
ity l said ''Not at all, mafam. Not on no accoun
", | have heard boatswain pipe to quarters-but
IS. voice in my heart did not whisper Seuzan! I'1
ed behaved the marlinspikes the upper jibpool
ed but Seuzan's eyes wasn't on me much. YouD
of woman am not your saler boy. Far different
rat Oh, yes, you are u she howled, sezin me ronr
EST the neck. 'sOh, how I've Iookt forwards to til
meeting" +"
he ''And you'll presently I said, have o oppo