Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1866-03-01

Is III TIE solGlL cV
Feb. ), 1866.
Last mite retired to my vir.ocus couch at pre-
cisely hall-psst eleven after catin rather light
supper, FOR that time Wv mite. aluz make it
pint to eat light in the eyenin for I'm gittn old
and my digestive faculties ain't what they WIZ
when wuz young. Alas. We who hev lived out
the best part w our days, Wat would we give TO
be set back to the time when, with our faculties
unimpared, We Good consoom good square meal
without fear Nv consekenses. But
"Thom happy days IL fled,
And never viii return"
paid my respects to , nince pies, pair Nv
pigs feet, some cold tongue and plate w tripe,
follered half dozen dough nuts and couple
or more NV glasses NV hot whiskey punch, and
sngar ez it may seem it didn't set well dream
ed all night and my dreams wuznt at all pleasant.
Methawt had deecest and wuz in the next world.
Il was snger site that met my vision. The d.
vidid line atween this world and the next wuz a
swift stream water and every decsest spirit had
to cross it. The water was suthin like that of the
Dead Sea. A man unencumbered with anything
Good walk on it, but they sunk down in it il they
wuz loaded, accOrdin to what they he'd to carry
On the tother side of this Jordan wuz heaven-.the
d0Einions uv bis majesty Satan the lst wuz below,
and to it strong under current flowed, which
took all them ez WIZ too heavy loaded to keep
their chins above water.
On the bank stood more than .wo millions Nv
little DEVILS who flung onto the shoulders III en-
trying to cross. their tailins and weaknesses and
ipiquities.
Gen. Breckenridge wuz the first that saw enter
the food. He had on life preserver labelled
States Rights" but peert little devil stuck pin
in il, and il collapsed, the gas with which it Wuz
filed smelin horribly. Down he went, and ez he
sunk they commenced peltin' him with packages
labelled Treason" Perjury" and Murder
and John c. went under.
n4l IL
tlcman didn't keep above water ez long ez a able
bodied man could hold bar Nv red hot iron in his
hand lie made one splash, when a weight label
led Treason" struck him, and down went
The gentemanly and urbane devil who had him in
charge had big pile more NV ammunition to dis
charge, but tha. one wuz sufficient.
Vallandigham come next. | surprised to
see no one make motion at him, but he sunk all
the same. 1--WE never waste effort sed Satan to
me; che carries enough natural cussedness about
him to sink him, without putin anything onto him
that he did ten days ago"
Fronk Pierce made his appearance, but declined
to enter He wuz Immediately seezed aud Oh
each leg wuz tied weight labelled Kansas and
the7 aung him in. He went down Ike shot,
ard that's the last sed Nv him.
Garret Davis went in, and to my surprise passed
over safely. Mailing wuz flung at him, for wich
| asked the reasoh.
"Why," sed SATAN, "the poor old man isn't ac-
couctable. lie commenced to talk many years
ago, and keeps on talking because he really don't
know when 10 stop. | could hcv sunk him, but
the fact is woodeIt endoor what the SENT NV the
Yoonited States hez he'd for the past few years,
for dozen wv Tombs lawyers. Besides this I'm
getting more from Kentucky now than m really
entitled TO. fSe a mortgage on twoihirds Nv
that State"
FernaRdy and Ben Wood came up rather bold
and entered the flood though they sure NV
II - al. ,.,,.rt,l IL. II.
Satan motioncd away the inexperienced devils and
sed 'lea We EN- to me-" and Ben at he hurled pack
age NV The New York News, wich smashed him
in stanter. Jest w Ferdandy wuz beginnin to
reach the other shore he flung onto him assert
men. Nv weights labelled Lotteries" Riots"
which took him down to the arm pit, and finished
BY tumblin onto him a mass onto wich wuz written
"Msyoralty," and down he went, at Bich his maj
esty drew a sigh Nv relief
Sesin the style NV the men who sunk, remark
ed unto him:
"This war hez bin rather profitable thing for
you
"Nothin 10 speek wv sed he. "The leaders
Nv the Soutlerners were, sum OF 'em, honest, and
got through OH that account, and the rank and he
were ignorant wreches who amt accountable no
how. The leadin' copperheads the North were
mine anyhow, from the beginnin'. Any man who
Good sympathize with tn rebels in sich struggle,
must. YOU viii acknowledge, hev he'd long career
nv iUioaity to tit enrfor sich sin. Why" sed
he, edo you think l use all the sbet l hev? Not
any. Them you've seen piled on were because,
bein' the last, they on the top Nv the pile"
"Any quantity Nv yoor party escape me. Them
fellows who are vet votin for Jackson I'll never
git, and the most Wv them ez alluz votes the un-
scratched tickets will dodge me. Their innocence
protects EN-. 1t takes q modritly smart man 10 be
yishus enuff to come to me--he hez to hey sense
enuff to distinguish between good and evil, cuSsed
ness enuif to deliberately choose the latter, and
brains enufi to do someth startlin in that line
Dan Voorhees, ev IDjeany, hez all these qualities
developed to a degree which excites my profound
respect. Between him and Fernandy Wood its
nip and tuck. Fernandy did wicked things with
more neatnis than Voorhees,, but for n actual love
Nv doin EN-, Voorhees, beats the world 1 sed,"
continued he, "that the war wuznt NY much yoose
TO me. repeat it-it wuz damage. Afore the
war. he'd my own way pretty much in the South
ern States. For every octooroon, could count
on least two planters, and under the patriarkle
system Nv Afrikin slavery (Which by the way
wuz one of my most brilliant consepshuns, octoo-
rooms multiplied with rapidity pleasn to behold
But now alas. the octooYoon biznesS is done and
nv best bolt is gone. i hev some little hope
however. The Dimocrisy are dispayin vlgger
l didn't think they possest. Ef they kin only GIT
strength ennff to elect the next President and re-
establish slavery: The thought ms me with IN
utterable ioy. The redoosin of the niger to
bondage agin, wood give me clean title to evry
last one who helped to do it, and in gittin em back
into their normal condishun (by the way that's an
other phrase mine) ther'd be Cnuff slaughterin
and murders to satisfy several sich Satans ez
| I'd help EN- eff know how, but can't improve
on either their speakers writer's, and e. long