Lewistown gazette. [volume] (Lewistown, Pa.) 1843-1944, 1866-09-19
Vol. LVI. No. 81.
~ III 'fea'age, and keep the whole of
a Chapter ~ Enn.


ssa~ Sentimental Youth" Will you
share my lot of life p Practical Girl.
-" How many acres are there in your
lot, sir?"
4 Brute. One asked his friend why
I he married so little wife p" Why"
said he, Il thought you had known
that Of all evils we should choose the
leaStr'
a@- An Illinois chap, in describinga
gale Of wind, says: GA white dog,
while attempting to weather the gale,
was caught with his mouth open, and
turned completely inside out.
peA- " Ny friend has great rever-
ence for truth, y said one gentleman to
another. SO have Observed" re-
Phed the other, " for he always keeps
a respectable distance from it."
ReA- 81 OF what use are forms ?" ex-
claimed a petulent legislator to DR..
Franklin; you cannot denYth that they
are often empty things~ % Well, my
friend, and so are barrels, but never
| theless they have their use," quietly
replied the Doctor.
/ gEap ION mamma, mamma" said a
tow-headed little urchin in tone of
mingled fright and penitence, "Ohl
mamma, I've been thwearing ~ "Been
swearing, my child! What did you
say p "Oh T.! mamma" beginning to
sob,) 81 thed Old Dan Tucker.
Bes@ Bassompierre, the French Am
bassador to Spain, was telling Henri
Quatre how he entered Madrid. at
was mounted on the smallest mule in
| the world" "Ah," said Henri, "what
an amusing sight-the biggest ass on
! the smallest mule !" " was your ma
jesty's representative ?" was the re-
joinder.
BaS@ A quaint writer says ID have
seen women so delicate that they were
afraid to ride for fear of the horse rum
ming away; afraid to sail, for fear the
boat might upset; afraid to walk, for
fear the dew might fall but 1 never
saw one afraid to be married, which is
far more riskful than all three put to-
! gether
Bea- An " "emigrant," who had been
somewhat roughly dealt with by the
wildcat" gentry of Virginia City,
thus expresses his opinion of that live
ly town: "If Gabriel happens to light
at Virginia City, there'll be no resur-
rection, for they'll swindle him out of
his horn before he can make a single
| hoot-a-toot."
BN- A printer not long since, having
been " flung" by his sweetheart, went
to the Office to commit suicide with the
" shooting stick" The thing wouldn't
go off. The " devil" wishing to paci-
/ fy him, told him to go into the sane
tum, where the editor was writing
! duns to delinquent subscribers. He
says that picture of despair reconciled
him to his fate.
seA- A plain-spoken Western preach
er delivered the following from his
! desk 81 would announce to the con.
! gregation that probably by mistake,
/ there was left at this meeting house,
this morning, a small cotton umbrella,
much damaged by time and tear, and
/ Of exceeding pale blue color, in the
place whereof was taken very large
black silk umbrella, and of great beau
ty. Blunders of this sort, brethren
and sisters, are getting little too
common"
s@- Daddy" said hopeful urchin
to his paternal relative, @'why don't
our schoolmaster send the editor of the
newspaper an account of the liokings
he gives the boys?"
"I don't know, my son." replied the
fond parent "but why do you ask
such a question 2"
why, this paper says that Mr.. B.
has tanned three thousand hides at his
establishment during the past year,
and | know old Grimes has tanned our
hides morn twice that oftenw
Hard on Parkers5urg editor of
the Wheeling Intelligencer was told
the following story few days ago by
gentleman who had just returned
from Parkersburg: He had hardly got
to sleep when he was awakened by
bite" Upon lighting a match he
found a bedbug about half an inch in
diameter. He threw the bug with the
match, into basin of water which
stood at the head of the bed. This
process was repeated several times
At last he was awakened from a sound
sleep by what he thought was sonne
person singing. He threw up his win
dow but could not find the course of
the sweet sounds, but at last he hap
pened to look in the basin, when no
found that the bugs had constructed q
raft out of the matches he had thrown
in, and were towing it around the ba-
sin, singing
Life on the ocean wave,
A home on the rolling deep" DC.