The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1866-11-07
E'Om tho 7b'oto RIadc.


Dreams is only VOuchsNftd to persons
uVR Imaginative and SpUritoOul nuUhcr,
NV whom am which. Their nint any
thing gross or sensual about mo that
know NV. TroO ! ont pork, but that Is
to offset the EtlcX NV whisky, witch, of
WASN'T COuntHrnCtCd, wood make mo
entirely too ETHEREAL for this HroVslin
world. eat pork to restrain my Cxu-
bNrNnt imNGinRshuu and enable mo to
come down to the dry detail NV oTlishl
iiS-to ut mo for the proper discharge
NV my dOoCioS OF Postmaster. WhiS-
KY lifts mo above tho pOsishun-pOrk
brings mo back 0gin. Its fat and greusy
like the pay and PerQuisites NV tho Post
mOStcr-tt comes from tho most nasty,
SGnsel0SS and unCleHn NV animals, like
our GonmiShunS-in short, l recon-
mSnu all NV JohusOn'S POstmNSters to
eat pork. Its their material diet.
Last nttC pNrtOOk NV \ pound or 30
too much, and eZ Conscience, diuin't
sleep we'll. While l wuz ORtin, [mOiSt-
min my lips with Louisville consolation,
the WHILE | WIZ muslin onto Sew
ards question whether they wood hev
Johnson President or King, and while
muslin fell in = tho arms of Morfus.
My mind bust loose from tho body and
sorod. EE l sunk to HlUmber the mar
row room which is ut (wunst my offs
and drOtnitOry, widened aud enlarged,
the humble chairs become suddenly up
hOlsterCd in gOrgus style, the taller dip
become multiplied into thousands Nv
gOrgus chandeliers, the pOrtrRtes of his
AighnCSS tho President, and the other
Democrats on the wall became alive.
COmprehendGd tho situation to wunSt.
Andrew Johnson had cut the GOrjNn
knot with somebody's sword, and he'd
carried out his Policy to its material con-
cloOsion. He wuZ reignin under the
title NV Androo the l, and wuz lin my
dreem of course in his kinEly halls.
II wuZ, methawt, reception mite.
His High MightinEss wuZ II SittiM onto
u elevated throne covered with red vel
vet and studded with diamonds, aud
pearls, and OuyXs and other precious
stOneS-OntO his head wuZ u crown, and
he WIZ SuVeloped into IL robe Wv black
velvet, his nose and the balance NV his
face gleamin out like IL flash NV liteniu
from u thunder cloud. Lynn PROSTATE
NV fOotstOOl, wuE Charles Sumner,
wunst Senator, witch wuZ typillle NV
the complete triumph we he'd won over
our enemies, while dOin other mental
offices about the halls, wuz Wade, Will
son, Fessenden, Sherman and others
who he'd opposed the change from Ro-
public to Kingdom. They wuz
clothed in Il approprit costoon, knee
brecches and SIGH, and presented Il
pekelyerly impOSin appearance.
Carriages containing the nobility be-
gan to arrive, and OF they entered, tho
Grand High Lord Chamberlin NV the
Pals, tho Marks Won Randall an
nounced en-. "DOok do Davis, wuz
e)ncke!Htld, and Jefferson entered
Earl lyon TOOms," "Sir Joseph +.
Johnson" "Markis dc Bourcgnrd,"
Count dc Pollard" and so forth.
Noticin that the titles l he'd heerd
wuZ mostly tackled to Southern men, l
asked Giddy Welles, who wuz standin
by, why it wuz thus, and he sed TINT
Northners wuzn't RELY fit for it. We
wuZ, he said, low, grovlin race and
coodent adapt ourselves to the habits
NV nobility. The South wuz shivelrus
and Good do it. They wuz given to
tournaments and sich-they he'd got nc
custOmed to circus clothes and Good
weHr sword without its gcttin nwk-
wardly between their legs Northern
men, SIGH ez were faithful, wuz allowed
to bask in the smiles NV royalty, but it
wuZ in SIGH positions e1 sOoted their ca
paclty. he for instance, he'd charge NV
che royal poultry yard, n position witch
he bleeVed he filled to the entire sntis-
faction NV his beloved and royal mas.
ter. He he'd now four hens IA scItin,
each on four eggs, and he hoped in the
course NV two years, ct there wuz no
adverse circumstances, to hev fresh
eggs for the royal table. 1t wuz Il posi-
ton NV great responsibility and one
wich weighed upon him. Seward wuz
privy COunsler, Doolittle wuz Steward
NV the household and Thurlow Weed
wuZ Keeper NV the Kings revenue, and
wuZ dom very well indeed.
by this time the company assembled.
his hlEhncSs wuZ in n merry mood and
unbendid hiSself. Their wuz knot nv
the nobility gathered in "A corner, and
after earnest interview NV a minuit,
mt go 4 4 i
NV the throne, and on Oendid knee de-
manded n boon.
''WhAt, my faithful servitOr, dost
thou most desire?" sed His HiChness.
I'VE would, Your Majesty, hev the
prisoners NV state brOt into the pres
ence that We may make merry over
EN-"
at shell be DONE" sed His Majesty.
and forthwith Baron Won Steedman,
who he'd command NV the Kings
Household Body Guard, was sent for
them. In n moment they wuz brot in,
They wuz miERblc looSin set. ForneY
and Wendell Phillips wuz chained TO-
gether, Fred. Douglass and Anna Dick
lnson, Dick Yates and Gov. Morton.
Ben Butler and Carl Shurz, Kelly and
COvode, while Chase was tied to HOris
Greedy, onto whose back wuZ n placard
inscribed, 1.-The last NV the Tribunes.'
at witch Raymond, who left the Radi-
kels and declared for the Empire mt pre-
ciSely the rite time, and wuz now edi.
tor OF the Court Journal, LATED immod-
ritly. Some one exclaimed, "Bring in
Thad. Stevens" Mt witch His Majesty
turned pale and his knees smOte tu0et6-
er, "DOn't, don't, SEE he, "he's strength
enough left to wag his tongue. Keen
him away keep him away!" and he
showed ez much fear ez men do in de-
lirium tremens when they see snakes.
Methawt made inquiries and found
that things wuZ wOrkin satisfactory.
Gen. Grant wuz in exile, and Gen.
Sheridan he'd bin decapilatid for refoo-
sin to acquiesCe in the new arrange
ment. The country he'd bin divided
into doOkdOmS and earldOms, and SIGH
over witch the nobility roOled with nm
dtspOoted authority. The principal men
NV tho North had been capchered and
subdooed, and wuz film mental posi-
tons in the palaces NV the nobility.
No Lord or Dock or Earl considered
himself well served unless he he'd a
halt dozen Northern Congressman in
his house, while the higher grade NV
nobility wuZn't content with anvthin
less than Guvners. The indebtednis
NV the South to the North he'd bin nd
justid. A decree he'd bin ishood to the
effect that Northern merchants who
shood press n claim agin IL Southerncr
Shood be beheaded and his goods CON
fistikated. The question Nv slavery
he'd bin settled forever, for the Dime
kratic ice NV one class to rooI and one
class to servo wuz fully established.
There wuz now three classes NV society.
the hereditary nobility, the untitled
officials, and the people; tho latter,
black and white, wuZ all serfS, and ali
attached to the soil. Biznis wuZ all
done by foreigners, the policy NV the
government bein to mako the native
born people purely agricultural peas
Rntry. Nobility desirin to make IL
easy tor en-, Civ em One-sixth NV the