Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1866-07-31
Sense and Nonsense.

OF lawn.
Sense and Nonsense.
~~~---~~-~~---~~~~--~-
lover is a suer-an heiress-hunter purse-su-
fitting hoops are only "new revelations of Na-
lures hidden beauties
Prentice wonders why the planets don't cut off
% the tails OF comet when 1t passes among them,
they all having axis. '+ 5-@~
The Pottsville Journal says it wants q nurse to
take care of basket Of children left at this Office
short time since. .:....s.l.
An Irish girl at play, on Sunday, was aceosted
by the priest, Good morning, daughter of the
father"
A little boy had wooden horse, and in course
of time its tail and ears and legs got knocked off.
and the toy presented rathera ragged appearance.
sa oh es aay G9d ss he
he'll laugh then, when he sees this horse" -
Jenkins youngest daughter adopted the fash
ION OF expansive skirts at dangerous season. A
violent cold was, of course the result. Mrs. Jen-
Kin klns says my dear aren't You afraid that Jane
said, ''it's nothing but the hopping cough"
II suppose" said a quack while feeling the
pulse of patient who had reluctantly submitted
to solicit his advice, u suppose you think me
sick man, ST was not aware until now that you
could SO readily discover mans thoughts by
feeling his pulse.''
A horticulturist advertised that he would sup
ply all sorts of fruit trees and plants especially
pie-plants of all kinds A gentleman thereupoTl
sent him an order for one package of custard-pie
Seed and dozen mince-pe plants. The gentle
man promptly filed the order by sending him
four goose eggs and lop-eared pup.
Bassompierre, French Ambassador to Spain,
was once telling Henri Quatre how he entered
Madrid. Il was mounted on the smallest mule
in the world
"Ah," said Henri. 'what an amusing sight
the biggest ass on the smallest mule"
Il was your Majesty representative" was the
rejoinder.
AT spiritual CIRCLE the other evening vim
egary lady asked, sis the spirit of my husband
present p when an answer came, He is" She
asked, John, are you happy without me? Pr
VERY happy" here are you, Johnr' I'm
hel.'' 1t is related that the vinegary lady threw
a lamp at the mediums head which had the eff
feet of solving the problem of squaring the circle.
writer, expatiating on the fertilizng proper
ties of guano, gives veracious account of Kan
sas soil in the following: few hours after plant
ing cucumber seeds the dirt began to fly, and the
vines came up like streak, and although he run
covered him; and on taking out his knife to cut
the thing, he found large cucumber goneto seed
in his pocket.
A colored firm in Newark, N. j. having suf-
fered some pecuniary embarrassments recently
closed business, and the senior member gave to
the public the following notice:
"De dissolution of compassnips heretofore re-
sisting betwixt me and moss Jones in de barber
perfesbus, am heretofore resolved. Pussuns who
ose must pay to de scriber. Dem what de firm
ose must call on Jones, as de firm is insolved."
A MIRAcLE.-A clergyman was endeavoring
to instruct one of his Sunday school scholars on
the nature Of a miracle. Thinking he had made
it plain,-:"Now, my boy, suppose You should see
the sun rise il t. the mdals of the night, What
but suppose you knew it was not the moon, but
the sum- and that you saw it actually rise in the
middle of the night what should you think Pr
II should think it was time to get up, sir"
An Irish laborer, who was in the employment
of an English gentleman, residing in Ireland,
was on one occasion about going to fair, held
ter endeavored to dissuade him from his design
"You always come home with a broken head
now stay at home to-day, Darby, and I'll give
'Tm forever and all obliged to your honor"
replied Darby, "but does it stand to rason," adj
ded he, fourishing his shellelah over his head,
'does it stand to rason that I'd take five shilings
for the glorious batin' m to get to-day7'
for the use of families and others whom they may
concern Having been collected from the most
reliable sources and experienced authors, implic-
it confidence may be reposed in that they are as
represented:
To make mess-pour quart of molasses into
your wife's bonnet. If not satisfied with this,
then put the bonnet on your wife's head. You
will probably have no desire to repeat the opera
ton.
To keep fish from smellng-cut off their noses.
To make blackberry jam-put y blackberries
into goose quill. -
To make cord of wood 60 great way-leave
it out of doors It has been known to go mile.
To cure felon-suspend by the neck about
thirty minutes.
AN INCIDENTAL "reb," who had long Ian
guished on the sweets of a forced idleness, con-
seauent upon his occupation having terminated
with Lees surrender, began to look about him
for something to be- to do, or to suffer. Thinking
himself sufficiently reconstructed, he applied for
work at one ofthe departments, presided over by
a Yankee officer.
''Have you been in the rebel service" he was
asked.
"Yes, sir" was the reply.
.In any battles ~
"About eighteen. reckon"
Ever kill any Yankees?'
mo"
''How do you know that?'
'Well, couldn't kill any of them"
"Why was thatP'
Because they were in the rear specializing;
but guess Stayed about thousand Dutch and
Irish.
We did not learn whether the candor of this
reb secured him place or not, but it was GER
family deserving of some recogntlon.-No7
F4rotH'at