Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1866-09-15
KIU MORODS
WIT AND nUH0R.

When are soldiers like good fan.
nels? When they don't shrink.
Why is a neat housekeeper like the
sea? Because she is tide-y.
What is the best way to keep a
gentleman's affections? Not to return
them.
One ought to have dates at ones
fingerends, seeing they grow upon the
palm.
Time is said to be money. Ger
tainly, not few use it in paying their
debts.
"A pin has as much head as good
many authors, and good deal more
point.
my DEAR" said husband to his
affectionate better half, after little
sduabble, "ranll certainly never be
permitted to go to heaven. "Why
not?" Because you are wanted as
tormenter below"
1t was a very miserly old woman,
who, with her last breath. blew out an
inch of candle, Because" said she, 81
can see 10 ule III tic ddfh 3t-
A wag having married a girl named
Church, says he has experienced more
happiness since he Joined the Church
than he ever did before.
"A Texas editor has been presented
with an onion foot and half In cir
conference. A strong demonstration
of favor that.
"A couple of women got into San
ENHANCEMENT" at Madison, Ind, a day
or two ago, and one of them fractured
the skull of the other by blow with a
stone. Young men intending TO marry
Hoosier girls, will make note of this
''straw, and have their heads iron-clad
before slipping it into the moose.
"A clergyman recently addressed his
female auditory as follows: "Be not
proud that the blessed Lord paid your
sex the distinguished compliment of
appearing first to female after the
for it was only done that
the glad tidings might spread the soon
ell"
"A clergyman was once told by one
of his Pensioners of a story tO his dis
which was in circulation. -
"Ah," says he, "dO they say SO much
about me ? Ii they knew me half as
we'll as / know myself, they might tell
things much worse than that with more
truth.
The Fat Contributor" stopped off
at Xenia, o., on the Mittle Miami road,
for dinner one day; but this is the way
he relates IT:
Twenty minutes for dinner" shout
ed the brakeman, as we approached
Xenia. Arriving there 1 entered the
dining room and inquired OF waiter
''What have you got for dinner?'
Twenty minutes" was the hurried
reply.
/ told him would try half a dozen
minutes now just to see how they went.
He looked confused, scratched his
head, and walked of.
/ approached the man who took the
money.
What have you got for dinner?',
said /.
sHalf dollar" said he.
told him 1 would take have dol
lar, well done. Asked him if he couldn't
send me in addition a boiled pocket
book stuffed with greenbacks and gar
nished with United States bonds. -
Postal currency wasn't bad as a side
dish, and stamps would do as a des sert.
1 would like to wash my dinner down
with National Bank notes on draft.
AT a very excellent hotel, favorite
resort for summer tourists, they were
one day short of waiter, when a new
ly arrived Hibernian was hastily made
to supply the place of more expert
hand.
'Now Barney, said mine host, ''mind
you serve every man with soup the first
thing-serve soup first"
''Bedad, I'll do that same" said the
alert Barney.
Soup comes on, aud Barney, after
helping all but one guest, came up to
the last one.
"Soup, sir?" said Barney.
''No sOup for me, said the man.
"But you must have tit is the rule
of the house"
Chang the rules of the housed" ex-
claimed the guest. 'When L don't
want sonp 1 won't eat it.
'Well,' said Barney, with all due So
lemnity, call L eau say is just this, its
the regulations of the house, and divil
the drop else will We get till yes have
finished the soupp
The traveller gave in and the soup
was gobbled.