Columbia democrat and star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1867, 1866-09-12
aBrick" Pomeroy and the Dea-
cons Hexa.

! horse. a red barn, red fence, a red COW, red
window sash, an old fashioned red sleigh, a
red smoke house, red hogs little redeyes and
| a red nose the very picture OF a New England
puritan. He had wife who wore red petit
coat and had the readiest tongue a woman
| ever fired at us. He had some little ready
money, got by making slider brandy from sto-
len apples and taking toll from the copper
spattered contribution saucer he passed In
the red church in that settlement of Sunday
beans. week day onions and orthodox views
And he had a female child whose name
was Hexa Brightwater, and who was TWEEN
ty-nine years old wore red stockings, red
garters, metal tipped shoes, green spectacles,
and the prettiest red hair tho world ever set
eyes on or into. Hexa, true New England
gal, chewed wads of pine gum and sWeetend
her breath with onions. Hexa WASH tso much
handsomer than doll as to make the doll
faint, but she was intelligent. In fact, lntell-
gence was her best hold, but one; she was
great on making baby garments and had two
trunks full packed away that she might be
ready as willing when the evil hour drew
nigh, as she trusted it would from year to
year.
My father was a common sortof rooster,
and lived outside of the drippings OF New
England blessings He was taught that IN
of intelligence, and he sent me there to lind
loving lass, to court some intelligent beauty,
to WOO some refined nutn1eggeress and with
her return to my rural home to astonlsh the
barbarians with something beyond the ave-
rage of female loneliness.
l went to the land of steady habits. WANTED
to hand several ''Bricks" down to posterity,
and was told by father that with a New Eng
land girl for wife l could raise more chill
dren, grow more onions, skin more eels, sing
none psalms, know more of what was going
on in the neghborhood, hear more scandal
sleep less nights, have more relatives, eat
more beans, love myself and hate others more,
and get more out of dollar than with any
other sort of a woman in this happy country,
socalled.
Deacon Brightwater with his pright red
nose, was a cunning man. He was a New
England christian. He crowded nineteen
eggs under a fourteen egg hen, always bor-
rowing the five odd eggs! He smelt of peo-
pies brea.h to see if they had been drinking
liquor, and then made few stamps by in
forming ofthem. He didn't drink him HIM
self but got his nose tinted by holding 1t so
close TO the mouths of those who did he
split matches to make them last longer. He
pick up hens heads to boil them for the fat
thereon. He'd take claw hammer when he
went visiting to draw tacks from carpets when
unseen. He made cider brandy and made 1t
on shares. He was always trying to swap hor-
| ses, but never could find one that worked well
on his machiene, but he tried them all tall
noon and sent them home hungry He was a
careful prudnt, wholesouled, liberal, sponta-
neous edition of benevolence, who gave his
hogs tails and rams horns to the poor, and
made prayers longer than the sweed Of his
cider mill, but like that instrument always
pointep down.
Hexa Brightwater never had beau till
| visited her. She was too intelligent for
the common herd. She knew everything.
She could tell how long a wad of gum would
last, how much southernermade from anig-
ger, how many duck eggs wold hatch under
a two year old pullet, and when beans were
fit to bake. She was one Of those higher
sphere beings, who could do no wrong who
could not endure those who did.
How did spark Hexa Deacon Bright
water heard that | had wealth and he was
willing. He'd go to bed early. He'd play
snore so Hexa and would hurry up. Mrs.
Deacon Brightwater went to sleep too. She
crawled In beside the deacon-front side.
Their bed room door was always shut by
particular request of Hexa. She knew why
itshould be closed. | used to football on the
bed room floor. / mistrusted Hexa' mother
used to watch at the key hole. She could
see where Hexa and | sat to press each 9TH
er's hands, eat-candy and taste Of each 9th
er's lips | didn't like to have her do this.
So one night when l mistrusted, l slipped
up beside the door and jabbed wire into
the key hole. 1t was long wire. heard
somebody squeal inside The end of the
the wire was wet when / pulled it back. The
deacons wife lost something that night
And so did Hexa Her mother died before
morning from the effect ofthat playful, puri-
tanical jab! That wire cured the key hole
disease. 1t opened the old lady's eye The
deacon followed her to the grave. With true
New England affection he put up tomb
stone on which was
Hic jacket Hexa's Mother,
Orphan child without brother,
She went hence with single eye, &c,
Aud left | single 10 go forth
Tears cannot restore her
Therefore weep
As pile sod DER her
All IN a heap.
The deacon grew pale, all except his nose.
That wouldn't pale Itwas in better spirits.
The deacon married nigger lady from the
cotton country and was happier than ever.
Then Hexa and | had it all our way. We'd
sit in the parlor, | cross legged, Hexa with
one foot undzr her like a duck. She was
strong minded. She wanted heaps of hug
ging and you bet L was old industry as that
business. She used to begin our Sunday
night devotion, so called by singing:
'Arm me with jealous care!
| used to arm her, every time She liked
it. Then she would read a chapter about
how the waste places should be made glad.
| used to make her waist places glad, lots till
my arms got so tired couldn't. Then she'd
pillow her head on my manly chest, and I'd
pillow my head on her manly chest. And
we agreed that all had should be hern, and
all she had should be mine. She thought
mine was more than hern. But it want.
Her dad was rich
/ used to help her weed onions. That was
her strong game. Shed snatch an onion bed
bald headedin two minutes. Shenever missed
weed. She knew clover from onions just as
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