The Placer herald., 1866-04-07
THE FIRST BABY.
By the Rev. Mr.. -, J. w. C. to G. E. c., onl
daughter, etc. mo cards."

By the Rev. Mr.. -,J W. G. to G. E. c., only
daughter, etc. mo cards."
We didu't say no baby! have one Of
those interesting animals at mv house. It
came when it rained like the devil, dark as
pitch and, my umbrella At the store; no cars
running. The doctor lived five miles due
west, and the nurse six miles due east; and
when got home to the bosom OF my family.
the condensed milkman was at tho next door.
It's funny little chap, that baby. Solferino
color. and the length Of Bologna sausage.
Cross! guess not. I'm, um! il com.
msuced chasing me down the pathway Of life
were the highest they bad been since Adam
built hen house for MIS- Ewes chickens.
The doctors charged two dollars q squint,
four dollars grunt, and on account Of the
scarcity Of rain in the country, take what 10
left in a mans pocket, and send bill for bal
ance Jan. lst. A queer little thing is that
baby; speck Of a nose like wart; head as
bald as squash, and no place to hitch a
waterfall; a mouth just suited to come the
gum. game and chew milk. Oh, crackee! you
should hear her sing. have bumped it,
stuffed my fur cap down its throat, given it
the smoothing irons to play With; but that
little red lump, that looks as if it couldn't
hold blood enough to keep musqui,o from
fainting. persists in yelling like thunder. I,
shows a great desire to swallow it's fists, and
the other day they dropped down its throat,
and all that prevented their going through
was the crook 10 i,s elbows. 1t stopped its
music and I was happy for one and a bali
minutes.
1t is pleasant thing to have baby in the
house-one Of your stomach. ache kind
Think of the pleasures Of father, in desha
billie, trembling in the midnight hour, will
bis warm feet upon a square yard Of coli
oil cloth, dropping paregoric in teaspoon
BY moonlight, the nurse humping on tb'
door, the wife Of your bosom shouting "bur
ry," and the baby yelling till the fresct
drops from the ceiling. Its nice time IL
think of dress coats, pants, ties and white
kids. Shades of departed cocktails, what
com fort! what a picture for an article in
Plaster Paris! Its mother says the darling
is troubled with wind on the stomach-it
beats all the wind instruments you ever
heard Of. l have to get up in the cold and
shver while the milk warns, it uses the
bottle. l have cradle with the representa-
ton of q miraculous soothing syrup bottle
on the dash board. tried 10 stop its breath
the OF her night: it was no 60; rocked it so
bard missed stays, and sent it slap clear
across the room, upsetting jar Of preserves.
It didn't make any noise, then! Oh, mol
Its mother says, only wait till it gets bleach
edits been vsccinated old enough to
crawl about and feed on pins. Yes, atm
going to wait. Won't it be delightfuIa-
John, run for the doctor, it's fell 10 the slop'
pail and is choking with potato skin; sis
has fell down stairs; sis has swallowed the
tack hammer; shows signs of the mumps,
Group, whoopiug cough, small pox, colo,
dysentery, cholera infautum. or some other
darn thing to let the doctor take The money
laid BY for my winters corn beef; and all this
comes Of my shampooiDg and curling my
hair, wearing nice clothes and looking hand
some, going counting aud making my wife
fall in love and marry me.
Maryland Union.