Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-05-03
A Tale of Horror.
PART First.

PART FIRST.
Jane Ann Pilkinhorn was the only darter
of poor but honist parents. They had no
other child but her. She was their all, and
besides their dog Trowzer, (who was dog
and warn't partikerly overbHrdened with
branes, she was the only human being they
had to luv. That, howsumdever, was their
misfortin and not their fault. Her ize
shone like new brass kettle, and her
cheeks were as red as temperance leekters
nose. Her hare was the color of saffron
tea, and her form was as graceful as
hound pup. So much for Jane Ann Pilkin-
horn.
PART SECOND.
Jethro Snodgrass was an adopted son of
the Rev. Mcrdecai Mumbechops, the viii
lage parson. He was fair and kumly
his stockins. THAT is in Winter. In sum-
mer he don't wear stockins.) His COM
pleckshun was as clear as he compleckshun
of taller candle, and his hare curled as
material as the tail of yelpin cur when
gettin bastin from his master. But Je-
thro had one falein. Althow adopted, he
was in every respekt minister's son. He
driy fast hoss, and was pertiklerly fond
drinked beer, and was very much inklined
for society Of wimmin. He played keerds
and pitched quates for shillin game. and
was constantly running arter the gals. He
liked to danse ali rite to the feerful raspin
of the country fiddle, but his topmost pas
sion was hankering arter the opposite sect.
Otherwise he wouldn' have been minister's
son And there's where the laff comes in!
So much for Jethro Snedgrass.
PART THIRD.
believe that have previously intimated
that Jethro Snodgrass was fond of wimmin
of the femall sect. But Of all the wimmin
in town, Jane Ann Pilkinhorn was his fust
choice and his best holt. He luved her
very muchly, and she dittoed him full as
muchly if not muchlier. Their too luves
blended together like bordin- house blankets
(which can't be pulled apart without using
the pinchers and claw hammer.) And can
it be possible that too fond hearts like
theirn must be forcibly ripped assunder?
Yes, gentle reader, it is possible, and a good
deal possibler.
PART FOURTH.
II was cold mite in the mouth of JAIME
wary. Jerusalem how cold it was! Ii
WIS COlu 6uQu ~ lICCAS tAG AUSS On < lawn
immidge. 1t was eenymost as cold as rich
relations greetin. Jane Ann Pillkinhorp
and Jethro Snodgrass were "trippin the
light fantastic hoof," (as Sturgeon seq, IN
the dancn hall of Bill Baxters tavern.
g The taller candles shone Ger fair wimmiI
and brave men, and all went jolly as din
ner bell. Bat bark what sound is that !!
That feerful sound kawses the dancers to dry
up on their dancin, ana even the fiddler to
cease his onairthly strains! Jane Ann
Pillkinhorn has tainted and tumbled ker
chunk onto the bare floor
e.Water waterl" shouts Jethro Snod
grass, frantically.
Reemarkin as how 1t was the fust time in
ten years that he'd heard young Snodgrass
call for water, and that he didn't keep the
stuff in the house. Bill Baxter (the tavern
keeper) run to the bar and fetched up de
cantcr of earthquake jim, which he throwed
into Jane AIMS face. Jane Ann immejitly
rekivered. Jethro Snodgrass took her into
his arms, and toted her into the parlor
She put her arms clean round his neck, ex
claimin:
"My preserver my preserver!"
"Not by a darned site ~ seq Bill Baxter,
who was standin by. and who had sneakin
nOS0un arter Jane ann nlmSeiI, tpe1n
bachelor, and unmarried, and was there4
jelus-'' not by darned site! You'd never
come to if I hadn't slung thirtyseven cents
worth of jim in your face, and now Snodgrass
is gittin the credit Of it."
Beware!" seq Snodgrass. "Beware
how you provoke my rath, or I'll smash
your jaw!"
Bill Baxter, not bein fitein man immejit.
~ retreetid, vowin venjunce onto Jethro.
And he had it speedily.
Ten minutes arterward. Jethro Snodgrass
entered the bar room, and throwing three
cents on the counter exclaimed in voice OF
thunder and litenin:
"Give me glass of your best jim 70
Bill Baxter, with leer in his sore eyes,
such as only fend incarnit Good immytait,
sot out the bottle. Jethro took swig arter
swig, and in few hours was ded dog in
the bag.
Baxter, the tavern keeper, was arrested
and tried for highboggery in third person
singular, but on ackount of the manufacturer
of the jim that Bill sold bein foreman on the
jury, the jury coodent agree, and Bill was
discharged. A few months afterwards, he
was smashed to deth under a pile driver,
and was obliged to go south for his health.
SIGH is life.
MoRRrL-Don't drink earthquake jim.