The weekly Butte record., 1866-10-20
Az AFTER DINNER YARN.


ed TO make ourselves snng for the evening. We
completed our arrangements. and sat in silence for
some minutes, my friend looking the day pa
per, until he suddenly exclaimed:
Jones is dead =
"By Jeve, that was quick work replied, s.for
met him in the city not week ago, though,
indeed, noticed, at the time how i'll lie looked
a He was married said Davis. laconically. as
if, in his estimation, that was sufficient to make
any ILL.,
Indeed !" said I, abe Is changed then; for be
used to say the incest girl in the world wouldn't
tempt him; for as mad dog breads water, 50 did
he women and Children
Changed in that he IS not,D replied Davis; ..but
III tell you the story. though | am bad hand at
spinning yarn.
Fire away, old fellow said /; ..but fist fill
your glasses
Complying with ny request. Ned began.
How Jones first met his future wife, said he,
cor proposed for her, can't say for the best of
all reasons, that ] don't know; bat the general
opinion is, that it was abe who proposed for him.
and am very much inclined 10 think So too But
however, that may be, be WAS to be married to
Miss Mary Graves. and everything was settled.
But the night before that happy day Jones had
dream, of the nature of Pharaoh's with this slight
difference, that he dreamt not of kline, but Of chill
dren; which, reminding of his hatred for infants,
all his former horrors returned iasomnoh that
the wedding day be started for church with a
black patch covering his left cheek, where be had
cut himself whilst shaving through shear nervous
ness. At last he stood before the altar, a melan-
choly man, and when the clergyman pat to him
the awful question that to seal his dooIn:''
Thomas, wilt thou have this woman to be thv
welded wife 2? etc. the wretched Thomas hurriedly
replied
"No.-
"what followed never exactly heard; but be-
lieve the bride was carried ont in a dead faint:
though, being a strong-miBded woman, she soon
Recovered and sent message requesting Mr.. Jones
would call upon her the following day. which he
accordingly did, in fear and trembling, expecting
he would either have to marry her. CT pay the
heavy damages of breach of promise case. But
he was agreeably disappointed. The lady received
him coldly. and stated that he had chosen to pub
licy insult her the day before, she would only con-
slider it gentlemanly OF lin to allow her TO return
the compliment
tom consented, glad to be let of SO easily;
another day was appointed; and when asked whe-
Their he would have the charming Mary, he replied
in the Affirmative, and waited 10 hear the word
which would rid him of her forever. Solemnly and
distinctly did the clergyman put the question:
MARY, wilt thou have this man 10 be thy welded
hnsband''' etc, and very audibly and clearly did
Miss Mary reply -
"I WILL
Davis paused to FIJI his glass, and then con
tinued.
Poor Jones his nerves received shock that
day from which they never recovered
Have you ever seen him and was lie happy -
l inquired,
"only since have seen him, replied Davis.
"and then he was nursing baby
With these words my friend finished his story
and his third bottle.
WurED.-During the election campaign IN New
York. last Fall, the following amusing incident oc.
CURED at a political meeting. much to the diseoul-
future of spread eagle orator. He spoke with
earnest gestculaton, as follows:
Mr.. President and fellow citizens: IwouId that
on the morning of the It'll of November next had
the wings of bird, would fly TO every county 10
every town, aye, to every village and 10 every
hamlet in this broad land, and proclaim to every
man, woman and child the success of the party.
AT this point small boy in the crowd called out:
DRY up! you old fool You'd get shot for
goose before you flew a mile
Stump speaker wilted, and small boy took the
floor.
CHILp's MEMoRY.-"weU, my cbd' said
stern father TO ht.le daughter, after church,
what do you remember Of all the preacher
said y
Nothing. sir was the tinid reply.
=, Nothing !" said he severely; now, remember
the next time you tell me something he SAYS. or
you must Stay away from church.
The next Sunday she came home, her eyes all
excitement:
remember something said She
All very glad of it, replied the father ''what
did he say p
He said. pa" said She, deligh,edly, "a collection
VIII now be taken up =
"FAILEp To CoNxEcr.'-A nice Young man. A
dry goods clerk in San Jose, planned an elopement,
to come of on Saturday, October 9th. with gush-
ing young maiden of some twelve or fourteen Sum
mers, also of San jose. They arrived at the depot
all unsupported and the young man had secured
his tickets for San Francisco, when the maiden,
repenting her rash act, wanted TO see her ma
In short. she backed cut-completely, failed to
connect and left the signing swain in amorous
despair.
FIRE IN THE REAR-A young lady riding in a car
en- the Susquehanna Railroad had her back hair
grasped violently from behiud. wrencAed from her
head and thrown cut of the window. Several pro-
longed shrieAs followed but she was finally inform
ed that spark from the locomotive had set her
head on fire. She was glad 10 have it put out
but was sorry to have it thrown out of tie win
dow
The following story is told OF captain Of Aus
TRAN artillery in Italy. His company was under a
tremendous fire, and at gun there was only
one man lei 10 work The captain wen, and help
ed him to serve the piece, and round after roand