Daily union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1865-1866, 1866-07-21
THE MONKEYS IN CONGRESS. AND
HOW THEY TAKE THEIR FOOD
DEBATE ON THE TARIFF BILL.

correspondence OF the chicago Irlbumc.l
WASHINGTON, July Your readers,
oubtless, remember FONBLANQUE's story Of
le monkeys in the old Geological Gardens
T London, which runs thus: The
lonkeys in Exeter Change used 10 be con-
ned in a row Of narrow cages, each Of which
ad a pan in the centre Of Its front for the
snants eood. When all the monkeys were
applied with their messes il was observable
hat scarcely any one Of them ate out Of his
,Wn PAN Each thrusting his arm through
he bars, and robbed his right or left hand
leighbor Half what was so seized was
piled and lost in the conveyance; and
While one monkey was so unprofitably en-
ragged in plundering, his own pan was ex-
posed 10 similar depredations The mingled
znavery and absurdity was shockingly hu-
man."
During the greater part Of this week,
while the tariff bill was in Committee Of the
Whole, an exhibition Of this kind was going
on in the House. To recount all the scuf-
hes that took place in imitation Of the
monkeys Of Exeter Change, would make
this letter 30 long. ] will select a few Of the
more noticeable jousts, where pans were up
set ard food plundered and spilled. Mr..
MORRILL,, Of Vermont, Mr.. KELLEY, Of
Pennsylvania, Mr.. PIKE, Of Maine, Mr..
DBIGGs, Of Michigan, Mr.. THOMPSON, Of
Maryland, and a few others, having their
messes before them, proceeded 10 dine out of
each others pans. Mr.. MORRILL, is the tai
lest one in the menagerie, and has the long
EFT arms He is a perfectly honest speci-
men. He believes that stealing out Of your
neighbours pan is the proper mode Of taking
ones food. He wouldn't take his any other
way Being The patriarch Of the monkey
establishment IL Il his business 10 see that
each one gets his fair proportion out Of his
fellows mess, and spills the proper quantity
in conveying Il to his pouch.
Mr. MORRuL decided that fifty cents per
ton on coal was enough for Mr.. KELLEY, Of
Pennsylvania, and Mr.. THOMAS, Of Mary
land, 10 steal out Of the pan Of Mr.. BoUr-
WELL, Of Massachusetts, But Mr.. KEEL
LEY had got his claws on n dollar and a.
halfa ton; 30 he called the whole menagrie
10 HE assistance, and appealed TO them 10
stand By the old principle Of grabbing all
you can out Of the whole row Of pans, and
they voted by fifty-one 10 fifty, that he
should have his dollar and and a-halE But
IN the scrimmage with Mr.. boutwell,, half
the p,under was lost and trampled in the
Nova Scotia for, say, s. per ton. Mr.. KEEL
LEY and Mr.. THOMAS make him buy Of
Pennsylvania and Maryland, at $3.50. But
ID costs Pennsylvania and Maryland 1910 TO
mine and transport il to Massachusetts. So
Mr.. KELLEY's constituents have robbed Mr..
BOUTwELL's constituents out Of $3.50 per
ton, but have got only IS cents in their
own maws. The other 70 cents is lost to the
monkey community; bat they have saved
great principie-the right Of each monkey
10 steal out Of his neighbors pan. Mr..
boutwell, all the while declined the prin-
ciple, but was opposed to the application OF
I'll
While the robbery was going on, Mr..
PIKE, Of Maine, who wanted 20 help himself
TO Gay cents barrel on herring, out Of the
several pans in the garden, discovered that
somebody was taking three cents a pound
out Of his mess, on chain-cables, and made
a great outcry about il. The thief had dis
appeared likewise the plumber and no.
body could tell who or where he was. Mr..
PIKE protested having 10 pay three cents a
pound extra for Chain-Cablos; he was will
ing 20 pay two cents, because he was accus-
toned 30 il, but three cents was a gOuge
He didn't believe there was a monkey in the
whole lot who would be benefited by it.
Nj MORRILL, was sure there was some one
He might be in Maine, or in
New York, or he might be in some other
State. II there was none, there ought 90 be
me, and Mr.. PIXIES pan ought 10 be robbed
or the purpose Of starting a new one in bust
hess.
These views are received with such favor
that Mr.. PIKE did not even call for di-
vision ou the question. His constituents are
10 pay three cents n pound extra for chain
cables 10 hold their ships while they are out
Tor herring, in hopes Of getting il back by
robhing the rest Of the community fifty cents
a barrel on what they catch IL is agreed
ON all hands that nobody is 10 get the three
cents which Mr.. PrKE's constituents lose.
until some one can be dummed up TO take
It. Meanwhile the rest Of the monkeys are
20 lose fifty cents on their herring. Mr..
PIKE's constituents win not gain Il. because.
while they have 20 suffer loss Of three
cents on their cables and a dollar and a half
ON their coal, trey cannot afford 20 catch
herring for less.
Mr. THOMAS Of Maryland, having done
a good thing in company with Mr.. KELLY,
Of Pennsylvania, in getting Of with a dollar
and a half a ton for coal. kept a good watch
on his own plan, and when he found Mr..
DmGGs, of Michigan, making a drive for
twenty per cent ON copper ore he fought
quite furiOusly. Mr.. THOMAS constituents
use a vast deal Of copper ore, and they want
% get Il as cheap rs they can. But Mr..
DmCUs constituents, being disposed to a
good deal Of plundering in the clothes they
weir and the tools they work with, cannot
afford 90 mine copper unless they are al
loved 30 rob their proportion. Mr. NOR
Ru.L decided that their fair share was fifteen
per cent, and when Mr.. Thomas demurred
and said that Eve per cent. was enough, he
was reminded BY the former gentleman that
liler getting a dollar and a half ton on
coal, he had better hold his tongue; and this
was the opinion Of the majority of the ma
nagerie. So Mr.. THOMAS constituents and
their customers are robbed of fifteen per
cent. Of their copper. Mr.. DRlGGs' constitu-
ents do not get more than five per cent. Of il
into their mouths, because they are 50 un-
mercilully robbed themselves that they can
not afford 10 mine copper FOR what il is
worth.
An Iowa member said that he had been
accustomed 20 feed in The old-fashioned wav.
out Of his neighbor's pans, though he had
both as % the economical advau-
tages AID the good manners Of the system,
His own pan having been exposed TO heavy
ON all sides, he must insist on
taxing forty cents bushei on tlaXseed a.
part oompensa, On FOR his losses and even
then his constituents would not be made
whole by long way. IL he were not allow
cd e. DO this, he should 60 Tor a new system
that Of each one feeding out Of his own
pan. Mr.. MORRILL, said he had no doubt
whatever Of the general oxpediency Of feed
inc out Of your neighbors pans, bat that
on she question of Aaxseed he differed IA
80 from the gentleman from Iowa. Nobody
should feed ont Of his pan that way, OF TO
that extent The suggestion Of the Iowa
member, that be might possibly abandon the
Did method Of taking food, was looked upon
n the light Of an insurrectionary movement
AID Mr.. MORRIIL was consequently sustain
"a By q large majority.
And 80 the game went on. Occasionally
! knot Of monkeys would agree to break out
Of their cage and make a raid on ali the
pans 10 the garden. Now and then a voice
vas heard suggesting that, inasmHch as there
was a given amount of food for all, each
should feed out Of his own pan, and lee his
aCighbcr's alone bui these Radicals, who
we're mostly from the West were put down
Mr. MORRILL, would defend the
principle d dining out Of one another's pans