The Iowa transcript. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1858-1866, 1866-02-07
From the Saturday Press.
How to Keep a Hotel.

Having travelled considerably in my
time, have thought some brief suggestions,
short perhaps of perfect manual on the
subject, might be useful.
First, don't call it tavern, or IN inn, or
hotel even.
Call it Housr, aud name it after some
great capitalist, big Indian, or Saint
" Morton-Peto House," or Whoop-de-
Doodle House," or est. Bob o-Link Houses"
that sounds well, and will take the travel
lers car.
Nothing is SO vulgar as to court bagmcns
and traders custom, as you VIII seem to do
by naming your establishment !" Mer-
chants" or "City," or Commercial"
These suggest u second class affair ut
once.
BE sure and establish an immense bar
ber's shop on the ground aoort
II causes grateful odor of he Balm Of
Thousand Flowers and Night Blooming
Cereus to peryadc the atmosphere, and
eifectually subducs and overcomes other
and less agreeable smells, as for instance
cockroaches and cookery.
Ifyou can hire an lrishman cheap enough,
let one man do nothing but swab the mar
bic hall with greasy water all day long; 1t
conveys an idea of cleanliness to the guest %
at night, when few are about, it is Of little
consequence.
said "guests," and here is point you
should by no means neglect.
BE careful in speaking of your dodgers,
in printed notices and the like, to use that
term.
1t is refined, and puts them on their good
behavior at once
black hair. il possible, to stand at the desk,
and by all means insist on his wearing dia-
monds.
Scedy visitors will take no liberties with
such a man.
| When traveller comes in, he il not to
notice him for the space of five minutes at
least it puts the obligation at once where it
belongs
You may take him in, not he you.
1t is an excellent device to have the num-
bers of your chambers reversed from the
old plan, t. e., let them begin to count from
/ the roof
Thus when \ guest sees the clerk put
" No. 10, for instance, opposite his name
on the register, he departs satisfied, and is
too much exhausted and cowcd by the time
| he discovers its whereabouts to mako any
complaint.
Instruct your clerk that it is not his bust
ness to know anything about departing
trains and steamboats,.
Also, if your House happens to be in a
country town, to add ST day invariably to
all New Workers. bills.
They will not think much Of your House
otherwise
When a guest has paid his bill and is
| about to depart, let the clerk ask cheerily,
(which way do you 60, Mr.. Robinson -
Some persons are SO easily imposed upon,
that the extraordinary fact of highly be-
dizened clerks knowing their names two
minutes after reading them on the register
tickles them tremendously.
In regard to the dining-room, you cannot
have too impudent an lrishman as head
waiter.
1t should be his duty when guest enters
the room. no matter how empty it may be-
to take him in convoy and make him walk
the entire length Of it before assigning him
q seat.
1t not only serves to impress the grandeu,
Of the apartment upon him, but invariably
disconcerts bashful men, SO that they devoul
their meals meekly and make no trouble
some requests.
Ladies should be served in the same way
for exactly contrary reasons.
1t affords them good opportunity to dis
play their clothes. and puts them in goo,
humor.
Let the sexes be kept religiously apar
while feeding, unless in case of HUSBAND
and wife.
Married men travelling alone will suffe
so much from the dearth of female society
that next time they will probably bring
their wives.
1t will scarcely be necessary to make an,
suggestions in regard to extra charges il
the bills, as they will naturally occur to tn,
feeblest of landlords.
You should always, however, charge for
fire in winter in every room that has con
veniences for it, and if demonstrated with
rely that it is a "rule Of the House," an,
the guest might have had it.
This phrase you will find of immens
service on all sorts of occasions.
Let all your employees be particular i
style the hotel omnibus "coach," and
gents wife his ..lady."
These little elegancics cost nothing, an,
gild the surface of life immensely.
Procure the largest Chinese gong you Cal
find, TO awaken your guests in the morning
and call them to meals.
They will conclude that your House is
stunning affair.
A negro will probably beat it more thor
oughly than o white man.
Also, on the counter in the office, keep al
immense hammer-bell
judicious clerk will produce q yer,
humbling effect upon modest guest b,
striking it rapidly four or FIVE times whel
he is asking absurd questions.
Follow these suggestions carefully, An,
you will 60 far to prove the truth of Emer
sons aphorism that "trayel is the fool
paradise" ROBINSON.