Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1866-11-07
Miscellaneous Hcms,

~'N~NfSff 90 +CNf@-ANA RAN6 -
human boarding is simply animal
What did Lot do when his wife
turned TO salt? Got fresh one.
Tea kettles are decidedly Yankee in
their melody; they sing through their
noses.
If b gamist were sentenced to live
with bis two wives in the same house,
tho erirao would e0Ou bvcUme extinct.
An Irishman, having been told that
the price Of bread had fallen, exclaimed:
"rhis is the Arst time / ever reioiced
at the fall Of my best friend"
One of the oldest papers in the
world, the Postseitung. Of Frankfort,
established in I6l6, has Just disap.
peared-suppressed by Bismarck
IF your sister, while engaged with
sweetheart, asks you to bring a glass
Of water from an adjoining room. start
on the errand, but you need not re-
turn. You will not be missed. Don't
forget this, litt!, = ~sss<S~-
Miss Smith asked "the pleasure of
Captain Jones's company to tea" At
the time appointed the Captain, being
in command of the = Rifles, made his
appearance with the whole of his
company in parade dress.
Speaking of shaving, said pretty
girl to an obdurate old bachelor, 'I
should think that pair of handsome
eyes would be the best mirror to shave
by" "Ycs, many a poor fellow has
been shaved by them
Squabbes, an old bachelor, show
his stockings, which be has Just darned,
10 a maiden lady, who contemptuOnsly
remarks, Pretty good for man darn
er. Whereupon Squabbles reioins,
''Good enough for a woman, darn her"
I A would-be agreeable, taking his
seat between Madam de Stael and the
reigning beauty of the day, said, How
happy ! am to be thus seated between
a wit and beauty "Yes, replied
Madame dc Stael, "and without pos
sessing either"
A squaw in Central Michigan had a
pappoose on her arm, exceedingly
white for a member of its race, which
fact induced gentleman TO ask if it
was not a half-breedy Whereupon
she said: "No, not a drop of white
blood about it-half Ingin aEd half
missionary"
81 wish ! could prevail on neighbor
Binder to keep the Sabbath" said
good Mr. Johnson. "Ill tell yon how
TO do it, exclaimed incisive young
Smith; "get somebody to lend it to
him, and III be bound that he'll keep
it. He was never yet known toretun
anything that he borrowed.
ri O'Connell, in addressing a jury,
having exhausted every ordinary cpl
f thet Of abuse, stopped for word, and
then added, this nan-frageous rufiian.'
When afterward asked by bis friends
the meaning of the word, he confessed
he did not know, but said, "he thought
, il sounded we'll"
f At an assemblage of a few friends,
one evening, the absence of lady
was noticed, which was apologized
for by an acquaintance, who stated
that She was detained by an interesting
!, little incident "Ah, yes" exclaimed
! Mrs. John Smith, "and beautiful
little incident it was too-weighing
: Just nine pounds and a half"
A physician passinga stonemason's 5
= shop called out: "GOod morning, Mr..
lD.-hard at work ] see You finish
n your grave-stones rs far as "In the
! memory of" and then wait suppose,
u to see who want a monument next y
\ l"Why, yes" replied the old man,
. "unless somebody's sick and you are
= doctoring him, then keep on"
e A yeung exquisite, innocent of any
: hair upon his face, went into Phalon'S
!" last week. and seating himself in one
of the chairs, told the operator to
e shave him. Tho barber lathorcd his
& face and then sat doyn on another
II chair and began to read the Tribune
|. "Hallo, fellow says the dandy
it "what arc you waiting for = al have
n done all can. sir" replied the other
V Il am now waiting for your beard (
ir grow"
1t has tTanspircd that the Paymas
-, ter who ombczzlcd several thousanC
- dollars of the Government money BY
h cutting from the Soven-thirty bond
!; in his possession the material cupons
N and appropriating lho proceeds to hi
4. own use is Lieutenant Colonel Thom
n rs T. Winston, Chief Paymaster CT tn,
!, Pay District of the Gulf Of New Or
"a leans.
is THE MErE0RIC DIspIAv.--The me
k- toorio shower promised by the astron
IN omers about the middle OF Noycmbe
n is. it appears, preceded by prolimipar.
In exhibitions. It is stated in tn
a. Philadelphia ledger that for sorera