Baton Rouge tri-weekly gazette & comet. [volume] (Baton Rouge, La.) 1865-18??, 1866-07-12
COUSIN SALLY DILLARD.
BY HAMILTON O. JONES.

| CCENE-A Goufb VI JustiCe Al DoutL
Carolina.
A beardless disciple of Themis rises
and thus addresses the court: "May
it please your worship and you gen
tlemen of the jury, since it has been
nv fortune (good or bad I will moi
say to exercise myself in legal dis
QUESTION, it has never befallen me te
be obliged to prosecute SO direfully
marked as assault. A more willful,
violent and dangerous battery, and
finally a more diabolical breach OF
the peace, has seldom happened in a
civilized country, and | dare say it
seldom has been your duty to pass
upon one SO shocking TO benevolent
feelings, as this which took place over
at Captain Rice's in this county !;
but you will hear from the witnesses. /"
The witnesses being sworn, two or
three were examined and deposed !:
One said that he heard the noise but
did not see the fight; another that be
saw the row, but did not know who
struck first, another that he was very
drunk and couldn't say much about
the skrimmage.
Lawyer Chops-I am sorry, gentle
men to have occupied your time with the
stupidity Of the witnesses examined.
1t arises, gentlemen, altogether from
misrepresentation on my part. Had
| known as I do that | had witness
who was acquainted with all the cir
cumstances of the case, and who was
able to make himself clearly under
stood to the court and jury, | should
not have trespassed SO long on your
patience. Come forward, Mr.. Harris,
and be sworn.
So forward comes the witness,
fat, chuffy old man, ''leetle" corned
and took his oath with an air.
Chops-Harris, we wish you to tell
about the riot that happened the
other day at captain Rice's and as
good deal of time has already been
wasted in circumlocution, we wish you
to be compendious, at the same time
as explicit as possible.
Enthusiastically, (giving the law
yer knowing wink, at the same time
clearing his throat). Captain Rice
he gin treat, and cousin Sally Dill.
lard she come over to our house and
axed me if my wife she lnoutn't go?
l told cousin Sally billiard that my
wife was poorly, being as how she
had touch of rheumatics In the hip,
and the big swamp was up 10 the
road, there having been a great deal
of rain lately, but howsoever as it was
she, cousin Sally billiard, my wife she
mout 60. Well, cousin Sally billiard
then axed me if Nose he moutn't 90 I?
l told cousin Sally billiard that he was
the foreman of the crap, and the crap
was smartly in the grass but, how
soever, as it was she, cousin Sally Dill.
lard, Nose he mout go.
Chops-In the name of common
sense, Mr.. Harris, what do you mean
by this rigmarole.
Wituess-Captaln Rice he gin a
treat and cousin Sally billiard she
came over to my house and asked me
if my wife she moutn't go? and [
told cousin Sally Billiard
Chops-stop, sir, if you please; we
don't want to hear about your cousin
Sally billiard or your wife !; tell us
about the fight at Rice's.
Witness-Well l will, sir, if you
will let me.
Chops-Well, sir, go on.
Witness-Wel!, sir, Captain Rice
he gin treat and cousin Sally Dill
lard she came over to my house and
asked me if my wife she moutn't 20.
Chops-Here it is again. Witness
please to stop.
Witness-Well, sir, what do you
want?
Chops-We want to know about |
the fight, and you must not proceed
in this impertinent story. Do you
know anything about the matter be-
fore the court :?
Witness-To be sure I do!
Chops-Well, go on, then, and tell |
it, and nothing else.
Witness-Well Captain Rice, he
gin treat
Chops-This is intolerable. May
it please the court, l move that the
witness be committed FIR contempt.
He seems to be trifing with this
court.
Witness, you are before the
court of justice. and unless you be.
have yourself in a more becoming