The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1866-07-07

The attempt to make omelets out Of egg /
coal has been abandoned.
Doctor-A man who kills you to-day, to
save you from dying tomorrow.
It is not the false teeth which should be
objected to- but the false tongue behind |
them.
Dentist-A person who finds work for
his own teeth by taking out those Of other
people.
Lawyer-A learned gentleman, who
rescues your estate from your enemies and !
keeps it himself
The small bonnets and hats are attributed
to the fact that the rats have gnaWed off the /
borders and brims.
Snifleins says that Jack is mean and
impudent fellow, always cutting his best
friends. SniHkins means Jack-lnife.
"Hold your tongue for fool said an
Irishman to his wife. "Then you'll be after
speaking? was the cutting reply.
An old lady being asked to subscribe for
anewspaper, declined on the ground that
when she wanted news she manufactured it
herself
TAe Last T0ast-The ladies May their
virtues exceed even the magnitude Of their
skirts, while their faults are still smaller
than their bonnets
Tho man who imagined himself wise
because ne detected some typographical
errors in a newspaper, has gone east to get
perpendicular view Of the rainbow.
A person out west is offering for sale
grass-seed gathered from the path Of recti-
tude. A religious cotemporary fears that
the path must be sadly oVergrOWn with
grass, as it is so little travelled nowadays.
The man who made shoe for the foot
Of a mountain is now engaged on hat for
the head of discourse-after which he
will manufacture plume for Gen. Intelli-
gence.
Many people, when they experience the
slightest tinge of, illness, betake themselves
to bed. They most probably think they
will alleviate their pain by using counter
pane.
The editor of the Jaynesville Times says
the shape Of a kiss is elHptcal. This must
be derived from the sensation one expert
ences when enjoying the luxury, for it is
certainly ZIP tickle.
Tom, / hear you are going South to
reside" Yes going to Florida. Well,
l advise you to get into a town where there
are no buckets, for when was in that region
every other man was kicking the bucket"
If you love others they will love you. If
you speak kindly to them they viii speak
kindly, Love is repaid with love, and
hatred with hatred Would you hear a
sweet and pleasant echo, speak sweetly and
pleasantly yourself
"SHe ARRAYS n,ade Home HaDpH-Such
was the brief but impressive sentiment
which friend wished us to add to an obitu-
airy notice Of lone who had gone before.
What better tribute could be offered to the
momory Of the loved and lost? Eloquence,
with her loftiest eulogy, poetry with her
most thrilling dirge, could afford nothing so
sweet, so touching, so suggestive Of the
virtues of the dead, as those simple words
-" She always made home happy"
The Washington correspondent of the
London Times, describing the prayers of
the chaplain of the u. S. House of Repre-
sentatives says: sometimes he startles his
hearers by some such passage as this, which
he delivered IL prayer n few weeks ago
O Lord, Thou has governed the world six
thousand years, and we believe Thou has
governed it we'll Such an endorsement Of
God is in perfect character with the impiety
and blasphemy prevailing in the Rump.'
Life-Men rejoice when the sun is risen ;;
they rejoice when it goes down; while they
are unconscious of the decay of their own
lives Men rejoice at seeing the face Of a
new season, as the arrival Of one greatly
desired. Nevertheless the revolution of the
seasons is the decay Of human life Frag-
ments of drift-woOd meetingin the wide ocean
continue together a little space thus pa
rents, wives, children, relatives, friends and
riches remain with us but short time
then separate, and the separation Is inevita-
bic. No mortal man can escape the common
lot; he who mourns for departed relatives
has no power to make them return. Know
ing that the end of life is death, every right
minded man ought to pursue that which is
connected with ultimate bliss.
The vie Ha6it Of S,,eering-When we
overvalue ourselves we undervalue our neigh
bors Selfconceit, therefore, Is the source
of thatpharisaical weakness called contempt
The man who prides himself on his descent
sneers ut the man W no relies upon himself
and cares not who was has great grandfather
the selEsuificient purist says to the scape-
grace, Go to, wretch, ! am holier than
thou ;" and the millionaire who regards
money not as n means but as an end, looks
with scorn upon the plodder who Is content
with a moderate competence. There are
few things in this world so utterly contempt
BILE as unreasonable contempt 1t IS the
vice of vanity and is sensation unknown
to true greatness.
The ashes Of Cohmbus-A Cathedral in
Havana claims the honor Of sheltering the
remains of the navigator. A recent traveller
thus describes the place.
A mural tablet in the choir, on which is
bust of the illustrious Genoese in alto re
lief informs the public that all that is NOR
tai of him reposes there; that whilst he has
left the country he discovered, to be the
home of prosperous Millions ne has made a
voyage to a still more distant land, from
which no traveller returns. One Of the Of
icers, who had an eye to business, during
the service, presented me with card, telling
the story of the hegira of these illustrious
bones. Though Columbus died at Vallado-
lid in Spain, his remains were not permitted
to remain They were first transported to q
Caroif6sian monastery, ut Seville; next they
were removed across the seas to St Domingo
and finally they were disinterred and
Irnr,rht 70 Uavann Here in the Anlilles