Smyrna times., 1866-05-23
WHOLE NO. GOT
A Drumhead War Sermon.

Gently preached sermon at Norfolk, Virginia,
which was fonygrafcally' reported by cor
respondent of the Yankee Blctde. Sergeant
Squash said:
Publicans, Copperheds and Sinners
Harken unto de wuds of Thaddyus, witch
hab extracted for my text dis salewbrus morn
in, for your speshal eddyfycashun:
"Jeems the bobalitionist, was phorty mites
an phorty days in the Dismal Swamp, clothed
in camomile 5 hair, wild ledder gridiron around
his neck, an his meat was locO-tocos and We'd
dersfeld inyOns.
Jeems, sirnamed Pedrath, wur wife man,
but, nebberdeless, under dat wife skin he had
a hart almOss as big as gemman darkey S.
He had brane too as big as OK S, and dat
brane an dat hart hab long worked in de CRATE
cause OBJ bringing de race OBJ Ham over de
lebel of dar interiors de wife race OBJ Sham
for know you, my belubbed Sleeps and lams,
dat Sham was de degencrator OBJ de wife race,
an Ham ob de brack race, and TOphet of de
vile injuns Oh dc wuds and praharies. Sham,
Ham and TOphCt, it am true, wur bruddCrS,
but no mo like one anOder dan Andy JOnsing
am to Hyperion Sumner Ham was de only
desunt son ole NOer had wen his ark ankercd
on dry Ian consckently he wur de farder ob dc
bess race OBJ people.
An ,JeemS de poSSle knowd desc tings, an
he went on a Pill-scrimmage Sout, wild his
pockits full ob doctor Airs Pills, wild bottle
or two Oh his Cherry Pictorial, to rhysic de
Shareholders, so dat dey wud be glad to glib up
dar bondmen Wal, arter dey foun' out wat
he was arter he wur berry much afraid, so he
had to cut-stihk, scratch-grabel, absquateriate,
until, finerly, he TUX to the wuds, and f0un'
he>et in de Dismal Smamp. And dar he was,
for phorty mites and phorty days, clothed in
camonile' ) hair, wild a ledder gridiron tied
roun his neck, and his meat was loco-tocos and
Weddersfcld inyOns.
Ifi should undertuk to tel You brudrin how
much Jeems suffered dar durin all dem long
| mites and long days you d tink was bigger
liar dan Barren Munchawson, or dc editor oba
! pcrlitycal nOOSepaper Suthze it to say he
hadn' drop OBJ wiSky to wet his wissle wild,
nor nary match to lite his pipe. He had no
place to take prommynard in widout victim
his bewts, no place to lay his head 'cept on a
r0tton log no place to dry his linen on, and no
clam bed on witch to Opyrate wild dc shubel an
de hoe An he wur phorty mites an phorty
days in de Dismal Swamp, clothed in CANON
ileS hair, wild lcdder gridiron roun' his neck,
and his meat was locOtOcos and Weddersfeld
inyOns.
don't speck none oh you niggers knows wot
am loco-focos. Wal loco-focos am berry much
like lucifer-matches but dars another speshy
oh loco-focOs dat use to inhabit dis Eedentry,
:. but one day de niggers rowcd dem all up salt
riber in dug-out but somehow or another
some ob dem turned up into de swamp
Witch kind OBJ loco-focOs refard to, am beyond
; dis niger apprehension {; but speck it wur
, de latter Mex time i see de possle lie ak him.
But how dem inyons cum dar ime not inform
ed, but speck dem bobbylitionists from Ker-
neticut muSS hab tranSplanted dem dar. 1t
ampt howcbcr no matter. 1t m enutf for US
to know wOt de pOsSe says And he was
phOrty mites and phOrty days in de Dismal
Swamp, clothed in camone ; hair, wild a led
der gridiron roun' his neck and his meat was
loco-t0cos and Weddersfeld inyons.
Now dar am delusion in de tex to ledder
gridiron | neber hab beheld one oh desc i'm
plemcnts Of cookin an dario am not sartin
wot am its use, an wot de poS>lc had it roun'
! his neck for, but speck it wur suntin like a
ledder medal, mo for Ornyment dan use. De
camomile' 5 hair spoken off am from an extnk
ancma OBJ berry odyriierus karacter an now
! in berry common use among wife ladies for dar
Il waterfalls, but how de poSsle Jccms got his
: clothes made out oh it, de po>sle Thaddeus duz
u not menshun; but it Is enutt for us TO know,
[ dat our dearly belubbed friend wild de unforty
h nate wife skin wur phorty mites and phOrty days
a in de Dismal Swamp, clothed wild camOmile's
hair, wild n ledder gridirOn roun his neck, an
: his meat was loco-tocos and Weddersfeld in
! yons. So mOught it be
To conclewd de sarbiceS a colleckshun will
be taken up for dc starbin widdcrs and little
! orfn children in de Kickapoo ileans, an for de
u sport OBJ dis pulpit. | appint Dekon Longface
! an sister Jetskin collectors ob de rebanew.
Brudder Bowers will cantate de tamus hym
ob Hey jim alang, jim alang JoSey," cum
: panyd by sO-lOw pom de banjo.
IS A. Ward attended a Fenian meeting recent.
e ly, aud stayed pretty late He got romantic
# and-but we Il let him tell it:
.e 1t was late when got home. The children
d and my wife was all abed. But . candle-a
N candle made from taller of our own raiSin =
,e cleaned in BetSpy room it cleaned for L
c. All was stili. The sweet silver moon was
siI!nin bright. and the beautiful stars was up
20 their usual doinS! | felt a scntymcntal
IF mood : still SO gently ore me SteaIln, and L
ID pawyed before BetSy's winder, and sung IN
a. kind of op ratio yOis as tollers, imprOmptoo,
nj to wit:
at "Wake, Betsy, wake,
OF My sweet gallo0tl
IF Rise up, tnr lady,
or While | tuch my lutte -
,ir The winder-I regret to say that the winder
a wont nm with vilent crash, and form robed
y in spotiess white, exclaimed, Gum INTO the
on honfc. YOU old fool To-morrer you Il be goin'
gh round compainin' about your liver
US boarler at one of our city boarding houses
g being asked how they lived there, replied,
he - that the hash was rather doubtful, but the
all beef was bully" This dubious endorsement
re failed to attract new bOaTder.
III A learned young lady, the other evening, as.
W tonished the company by asking for the loan Of
= a diminutivc argenteous, truncated cone, con-
d, yex on its summit, and semi-pertorated with
tn symmetrical indentatiOns. She wanted q
IS, thmble. -
he A Spanish gentleman, studying English, be-.
- inc Mt n tea marty and desiring to he halnad
t. some sliced tongue, in doubt as to the term,
hesitated q moment, and then said, will
IT. thank you, miss, to pass me that longuageP'
to M
elf A German writer says young girl is fish
ing rod the eyes are the hook, the smile the
bait, the loved the gudgeOn, and the marriage
i'd the batter in which he is fried. What will the
n girls say to the German?
hR -~~N~~-
There are now 1850 national banks.