The day book. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 1857-1867, 1866-10-19
VARIETIES

Mr.. Green sued a lady for breach OF prom
Use. Her friends offered to settle it for two
hundred dollars. "What" cried Green, "two
huAdred dollars for ruined hopes, shattered
mind, blasted life and bleeding heart
Two hundred dollars for all this! Never,
never, never. Make it three hundred and
its a bargan!"
"The top of the mornin to ye, Mr. O.
Flagherty" "The heel of the evenin to ye
Mrs. Hughes. How is all wild ye this NOR
nin?" "Och, bad enough, Mr. O'Flagherty;
Patrick has bin lyin at the pint of sickness
for siveral days expectin every mint to be
his next"
II idleness be the root of all evil, then is
matrimony good for something, for it sets
many a poor woman to work.
"Give the devil his due reads well enuif in
o proyerb, but, mi friend, what will become
NV me and you if this arrangement IL carried
OUT Josh Billings.
e They have an entertainment in Deppe
called "Lucifer in the jaws of hell" A side
show is exhibiting in this country.
Sir Peter Lely made it rule never to look
at bad picture, having found by experience
hint from it. Apply this to bad books and
bad company.
One of the oldest papers in the world, the
Post Zsitung, of Frankfort, established in
1916, has just ppeared-suppress by
Bismarck.
Trying to the feelings--to tie pretty
girls bonnet, without tasting her lips.
John asked Julia if she would have him.
mo" she said at once, I'm not have you"
but before John could recover from his sur
prise she archly put in, "But you may have
mel"
There is a story of an iliterate Western
lawyer who asserted vehemently that all the
actions of his client had been "su5 rosa and
above board"
An Irishman was once INDUCING in the
very intellectual occupation of sucking eggs
raw, and reading newspaper. By some mis-
cLauce he contrived to bolt chicken. The
bird chirruped as it went down his throat,
and he very politely observed: "Be the
powers, my friend, you spoke little too late.''
The following has been translated for the
New Haven Register. ..+
A European friend of mine related the
following story: I married widow who had
a grown up daughter. Ny father visited our
house very often, fell in love with my step
daughter, and married her. So my father
became my son-in-law, and my step daughter
my mother, because she was my fathers wife
Some time afterwards my wife got a son-he
was nv fathers brother in-law and my
uncle, for he was the brother of my STEP
mother. 5
My fathers wife, i. e. my step-daughter had
also son, he was of course my brother, and
in the meantime my grandchild, for he was
the son of my daughter, .f,
My wife was my grandmother, because she
was my mothers mother. l was my wiie's
husband and grand-child at the same time
And as tie husband of persons grand
mother in his grandfather, | wasmy own
grandfather
vessel advertised for Bombay, and lying
at Antwerp, was applied to recently to re-
ceive on board boxes containing laces and
other precious objects worth $4,000. The
captain was not ready to take them; they lay
on the wharf and took fire. They were
opened, and found to contain no vauables,
but substances sure to enter spontaneously
into combustion. The wretch had insured
them for $4,000 and reckoned on the vessel
taking fire at sea and being utterly destroyed.
An Enghshman being asked how he spell
ed saloon, replied: with a hess. a hay
hell, two hoes, and hen"
A good deal of the consolation offered in
this world is about as solacing as the assur-
ance of the man to his wife when she fell into
the river, you'll find ground at the bottom,
my dear" ..-
If we would have powerful minds we must
think; if we would have faithful hearts we
must love; if we would have muscles we must
labor; and these three, thought love and la
Dor, include all that is valuable in life