Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1866-07-07
HUMOROUS.
WIT AND HUHOR.

"A cruel Wdg turned Dalu- leaQe0
friend into an enemy by advising him
to have his head frescoed.
"A pert little girl boosted to one OF
her young friends that her ''father kept
carriage" "Ah, but" was the tri-
umphant reply, ''my father drives an
omnibus.
Ct am much afraid of lightning y
said pretty lady. "And well yen may
be-" replied despairing lover, Gas
your heart is made of steel -
Lord Norburv having been asked
to contribute a shilling to b4ry an at
torney who had died poor, exclaimed,
"Unly shilling to bury an attorney
Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty OF
themp 81.
Mrs. Darlington wants to know if it is
not inhuman and contrary to the Maine
Liquor Law for the Allies to insist on
the Gear taking four pintS? "Only
think the poor man has to take two
quarts at once. don't wonder he has
resisted, and fit so'lOng about it.
"A loafer called at one of the ele-
CANT residences at the South End, few
days ago, and asked for money. ''We
haven't cent" he was told "Ahi is
that sop said he, putting his hand in
his pocket, ''oblige me by accepting
this thFee-cent bit.
-'Does your officiating clergyman
preach the gospel, and is his converse
ton and carriage CONSTANT therewith?"
was a circular from a bishop to a
church-warden of his diocese. A vete-
ran near replied, ''He breaches the
gospel. but does not keep a carriage .
A Kentuckian becoming incensed
at the boastfulness of an Englishman in
the train of Sir Morton Peto, as to the
superiority of British inventions, ex-
claimed, "Pshaw! they are no account.
Why, a house painter in my neighbor-
hood grained door so exactly in imita-
ton of oak, that last year it put forth
leaves and grew an excellent crops OF
acorns." Il,
The other day Duchman in Gin
cinnati was severely thrashed by his
wife, and while smarting under
the affection, he complained to the
Mayor, and had his better-half arrested
for the outrage, whereupon she was
fined three dollars and the costs; but
she not having the money, her husband
was called upon to fork over, upon
which he opened his eyes in great sur
prise, exclaiming: ''Vot for i pay
She yip me-" The statute was explained
to him and he paid, but announced that
hereafter his wife might thrash him as
much as she pleased, but he would
never again take steps to uphold the
majesty of the law" an. RI
in war carried on by one of the
Popes a general engagement became,
from the position of the two armies,
unavoidable. A cardinal went through
the ranks exorting the papal troops to
exertion, for the honor of the states OF
the Holy See, following this up with
a complete remission of all their sins,
and concluding with an assurance that
such of them as died that day would
dine with the angels in heaven. After
this seasonable harangue, His Emf
hence was retiring, which soldier OBJ
serAing, said to him;
"And you, my Lord Cardinal, won't
you remain with us, and go and dine In
Paradise?'' 'My friend" replied the
Cardinal, 81 should gladly be of the
party, but my dinner hour has not yet
come; for have no appetite.
Am amusing incident occurred al
one of the polls in the rural districts III
Pike county, Mo. BY the New Regis
| tration Law every man must sign his
name to an oath. Among other candi-
dates late rebel captain of the confed
crate service presented himself, and
being unable to write, he made bis
mark, whereupon the registry man call.
ed in couple of niggers as witnesses,
who both wrote their names in legiblt
hand. ''No you don't" said the cap
tain, Give got scruples agin taking
that oath, there is too much niggel
about it.
"A good story is told of Wigfall, who
at the collapse of the rebellion, fell into
the vicinity of party of Union soldier:
in Texas. Being well disguised, he en-
tered freely into conversation with the
soldiers of the guard, and in the course
of the conversation asked what they
would do with old Wigfsll if they were
to catch him. ''Oh. we would hang
| him, certain" was the reply. Sand you
would serve him right, " replied Wigfall
eff / should be with you / have ne
doubt / should be pulling al the end Of tn
rope myself" The double eate,sdb wa
not suspected, and its wit was therefor'
lost. but it is worth producing now.