The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-11-02
FACETIE.

FRANCIS JosEPH's family is styled the
House of Mishapsburg.
"YoU seem to walk more erect than
usual, nay friend"
Eyes, have been Strengthened by cir
cumstances."
A YOUNG man ont west, who married
a woman twice his age, subsequently
ascertained that she had been his wet
nurse. o..
WHAT is the difference between a per.
son transfixed with amazement and q
leopard's tailf The one is rooted ia
the spot, tho other is spotted to the
root.
BoAsTING is sometimes out of place
| We once heard a man boast of being a
bachelor, as his father was before him.
"I GO through my work." as the
needle said to the idle boy. "But not
till you are hard pushed" as the idle
boy said to the needle.
A DANDY being told that he would
soon have to wear wig, as he was get
ting gray, exclaimed, Indignantly, NO,
sir, I'll dye first.
"I ALWAYS think" said q reverend
guest, chat certain quantity of wine
does man no harm after good din
nerI" sob, no, sir" replied the host,
sit is the uncertain quantity that does
the mischief"
WHAT kind of money is everywhere
legally rendered di-Matri-mony.
SHORT visits are the best, as the
fly said when he alighted OH the hot
stove.
WHY is book-keeper like n hen!
because he has got 10 scratch for a
living.
WHY is a piece of sterile ground like
a certain toilet article Because it's
bare soil (bear's Oil.)
"JoHN, am going to church, and il
with the umbrella for me; however you
need not come for me unless il should
rain downright" The gentleman went.
1t did rain; but John had gone TO the
other end of the town 10 see Mary. His
master came back with drenching gar
ments and look of implacable anger.
John" said he, "why didn't you bring
the umbrella 7" "Becanse, sir" said
John, 1T raincd slanting.'
"Can you do all kinds Of casting
here p said solemn looking chap at
the iron works the other day.
Yes" said Frank, preparing TO take
his order, "all sorts"
"Well, then,' returned the solemn en-
quirer, / should like to have you od't
q shador.'
MATRrMoSIGL.-A genius in the 0qua-
ka Gll.) PlaiRdedler Thus quotes the mat
rimonial market in his section: The
market has become "languid," and is
altogether without "tene,r only four IL
censes having been issued by the County
Clerk for the present month. The fall
ing of in receipts Of opportunities
for the girls to say eyes" has served as
check on the approaches TO the hymen-
ial altar. "Sweet sixteen" have been |
most active, going at previous figures"
but there Is no buoyancy in price or de-
mand. Misses "of age are weak, with |
q poor demand; unmarried aunts on the |
decline. Bachelors, in old-fashioned
Spruce bachelors Of thirty, steady. Ed |
itors firm. All in all there is a great |
dropping in all circles, and the ap-
preaching winter promises nothing bet |
ter.
Az exchange, recording the fall Of
deacon in the river says: at is won |
der he escaped with his life. A Prem |
tice says: wouldn't it have been q !
still greater wonder If he had escaped !
without itf"
SAMMY, my son, how many weeks |
belong to the yearf" ''Forty-siI sir"
"Why, Sammy, how do you make that
outi7 "The other six are Lent"
Mother, put this boy 10 bed. He is
going too forard-'
A WESTERN paper publishes the fol-
lowing notice: Lost OF strayed from
the seriber . sheep all over white-One
leg was black and half his body-aIl
persons shall receive five dollars to
bring him. He was she goat.
THE following rich scene is said 10
have lately occurred N one Of the courts
Of justice in New Orleans, between the
Judge and Dutch witness al the way
from Rotterdam:
Judge-@what's your native Ian
guagefD -
witness-T pc no native; Fse .
Dutehman.n -0
Judge-'sWhatis IN yourmother tongnef
Witness-"0h, father says she be al
tongue s Tt
Judge Gin an irritable tonel-sWhat
language did you frst learnf--what Ian
guage did yoa speak in the eradler asa
witness-eT It'd not speak no language