Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1866-07-28
TALES & SKETCHES.
A Jersey Atonement.
BY BRICK PoMERoY.

- .I ID '.fIHIHI .
I'm like rosebud subdrowned IN honey
Yea. In your paper mine optics beheld
| lines saying, black ink on white paper, a
contrast like snow flakes on a nigger, that
| A WIDOW OF GENTLE DISPOSITION WANTS
| IA some one to love-wants to marry a congenal
gentleman not sixty, with desire to improve
| ment. Address, &c. |-t .sf.. .I
| Just my age to ducks foot Rather
ambiguous, but means well, sayeth to 1.
Desire to improvement was good. Slow
| work for man of sixty to greatly improve
a woman, unless she be we'll dowr the steel
yards of years. went. Quiet home charming
widow-had seen forty winters somewheres
per with the delicious advertisement therein,
| like raisin in q kettle of beans. She wi.
dowed. She smiled over her fan. She
scooched her head gently, thus. She gently
bit her upper lip and prayed, that is, she
prayed me to be seated. l was fresh from
the districts of ruralism. / had hoed the
calves, MIXED the bees fed the growing po-
tatoes, built sweet Cider and quenched my
thirst with rail fences, and was just the
! rooster for the blooming widows perch.
/ sat in the spontaneous deliciousness of
the affectionate intercourse of that enthusi-
astic explorer of masculine hearts five hours
that night. ] was like humming bird in
a tanning mill. l squozed the widow--the
widow squizzened me. leaned my thinking
box against.her maternal instincts, and look
ed into her eyes as burglar looks around
corner. And all saw was love. Says l.
''shall we2" Says she 'shan't we2" We
went to minister-five dollars and all was
over.
How 1 reveled. Sixty years of bachelor
days in New Jersey had fleetened over my
head and things. l was a freshman. was
icicle, only waiting for the sun of love to
thaw me out. She thawe6 me We began
to live. tried to improve the widow. l
spent all my evenings in improving her
She improved. We were welded in April.
April the onest. With the vigor of spring
chanticleer did l prove my devotion. Like
the first violet of vernal did l watch our &C.,
increase. One day when l came home to
our cot in the mill, l saw spread out on the
floor fourteen year old lump of ragged
boy. Twas ragged Pete, of the Newsboy
slashing about and had become hilarious.
He showed surface indications of being
drunk. l wanted to know why he earnest
thus upon US. He said he wanted the old
woman to give him half horse. That was
Pete's idea of S. bill. That cherubim was
the child of my adored. gave him the lu-
ere. He went i wanted to caress him with
the toe of my boot, bat he looked too detri-
mental. Ispoke gently to my wife about
Pete. She said she meant to, but forgot
when she saw me, l was so enticing she for
got it. She said l made her forget it. Pretty
compliment, wasn't it? told her that her
Peter mustn't lie re-peter or I'd peter. She
said five dollars week would keep him
away. | told her was just in from the
country, &C., but she did me five dollars,
and / saw no more of Peter She said she
had atoned for all that-who could doubt
her-we went Oh smoothly. ....-
One day when came home, two half
breeds were on the family bed, playing with
a shaggy. eyed dog The halfbreeds were
brothers. They were twins. They were of
eleven years of duration so far. They were
in the boot-black business at the Eastern
Market, and lived in Cry goods box there.
They had dark features, and peculiar kink
to their capillary. They call my consort
"mother." She had bore them. They bored
me- Words failed to relieve me. spoke
of Pete. She said these were her atone
ments l asked if these had been atoned
for She said no. l felt better, for if they
had l should have looked for four of an age,
lars week on the young Washingtons, and
was again happy.
This is the second of June. I've been
father for a week. Says /, bully for New
Jersey. Was married April first. Never
knew an instance where improvement went
ON so rapidly. Age tells blood is nothing.
And such baby. Will be man if it
uroyc mn woc lilo nnucnopnr ~ ot ic
well read. 1t has the strabismus. 1t has
red hair. have written to my father to
know if had red hair. Mine is like the
driven over snow. Have written to my
original doctor, who used to term a cow
catcher, to know if l had the cross-eyed when
first borned. Am waiting for reply. Wife
says it is because we live at the forks of the
road, opposite red barn. She may be
right / hope she is right. If had heen
ninety years old we should have had this
help to our census month ago. That is on
this principle. / have given up business.
The loving disposition is proving too much
for me. / sold my steers, corn stalks, and
COW pasture to come to New York to live.
l sold them that might be here continually
and improve the widow.
Now look at me. I'm clad in peagreen
dressing-gown. 1t is four o'clock in the
morning. l have been walking the floor
three hours. This thing now asleep in my
arms is our baby. Our first baby. That is
to say, on my part. 1t is our last atonement.
like baby. It's better than lobster salad
It's avigorous baby. 1t never sleeps. Ifeed
it on paregoric and such stimulants. l am
its nurse. 1t eats from bottle. Iwalk the
floor with it. 1t don't seem to like me. II
yells as if its father had been an auctioneer.
never auctioneered. 1t kicks as if its pa
ternal derivative had at some time of life been
yackass. Inever was a yackass. 1t squalls
as if its philoprogenitor had been storm at
sea- / never was one of them. Its mother
! is of loving, gentle disposition. She loves
gin, and after drinking two bottles full, or
empty, becomes gentle. She is gentle now |!
have tied the cherub's legs together with a
piece of wire SO he can't kick. I've put a
court plaster over his mouth SO he can't
squall. I've tied piece of paling to his
back so he can't squirm, and sit down to
write how this affair is eliminating. I've
got Pete and the two "atonements'' out oil
| the way. I've got sure thing on the wi
dow, while the gin holds out. And Eve
got tight thing on our cherub, if the
court plaster don't burst. So now I'LL let
him sleep in my arms, lying like an infant
on its fathers lap, while write. Egad !
| I've cot 'em all tight and cow to my letter.