Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1866-01-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

The radicals wish 10 smo Ike out Mr.. Segar of
Virginia.
How long did Cain hate his brother AS long
ss he was Abel.
When are sold iers like good aannels7 When
they won't shrink.
lfa loafet and gallon of whisky are sitting
side by side, which will be drunk first?
ssI hate doctors biils,''' as The man said when
be caught the family physician kissing bis wife
Why is warIike ncursion like lady in full
dress? Because it is raid [arrayed] for Gen.
quest.
Lip,serTics is considered discreditable to
christian, but it is delightful thing between tw o
lovers.
a Yankee has just taught ducks to swim in
hot water with such success that they lay boil ed
eggs.
Why was Herod's wife like Fenian organza-
ton? Because she had head sent her, (Head
Centre.)
French newspaper says only three fits sub
scribers are bald, and they in arrears for
subscription.
s'Thrift follows fawnng,'' as the hunter said
when he killed six fawEs and sold them for
handsome sum.
The first cane ever cut. Cain the son of Ad-
am. Everybody sscut'' him after he had killed
his brother.
w ny 10 4" HAL Will d CuIVeu SPiHc Ike u mouse
with rear piazza2 Because he has back
stoop.
Why is o tobacco chewer like man who ha s
the lowest trump at whist Because he holds
the juice and plays it.
"I'm on the trail of DEAR as the fellow said
when he stepped on the dress ola beauty in the
street.
s.How long did Adam remain in Paradise be-
fore he sinned 90 said an amiable spouse to her
husband. ssTill he got wife, was the calm
reply.
nCaught in her own net,'' as man said when
he saw one of the fair sex hitched in her crno.
line.
Why is hus band like Mississippi steamboat?
Because he never knows when he may get blow
Ing up.
A gentleman complaining of the various i'm
posts and taxes, says be carnot put on his boots
in the morning without stamp.
Sho1ge, why is the James River like keg o
lager beer Because they both flow into the
Dutch Gap Canal.
Tha character of an upright man is like pair
of boots. The more you black it the more it
shines.
A newspaper correspondent tells of meeting
woman in Georgia with seven children and
pipe in her mouth. She must have had very
spry mouth.
sThrice is he armed who hath his quarrel Just ;
Nevertheless, in a conflict with highwayman
ten b arrelled revolver makes the result rather
more certain.
An adjutant of a volunteer corps, being doubt-
full whether he had distributed muskets to all of
the men, cried: ssAll of you that are without
arms hold up your hands"
On the door of parish church not hundred
miles from Pende Hill. was recently affixed the
following notice: ssThe church-wardens will
b old their quarterly meetings every six months,
Instead of half a year, foImery.'
Mrs. Darlington says that Ike, having become
very much enamelled Of siren of 30 ston, has
led her to the mental halter. H. didn't appear
the leas t decomposed On the back of his we'd
ding cards were little Cubebs with wings.
The young lady who con Id read the follow g
and not s'pity the sorrows of pooryoung man, -
deserves to live and die old girl
81 wish I ere turkey dove,
A setting on your knee,
I'D HI IS vOnr smilin' lips, love.
To all e-ter-ni tee.''
Two Dutchmen once got into dispute about
the English language, each one contendug that
he could command the best. They made ct
at length, and appointed Judge to decide b e.
tween them, and accordingly they began: ssVeli.
Shorge, said he first. ssdid it rain to 90
al shall tipk it vash,'' said Shorge. Wasn't
that judge IN n qusndary?