The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1866-10-31

sternly Il thought when saw you III tiie
meetin'. house that you looked like PED
Ter who passed off pewter half-doilar on
me three weeks ago, and so l determined
to keep an eye on you. Brother John mas
got home now, and says if he catches the
fellow he'll wiring his neck for him; ana |
amt sure but you're the good-for-nothihs
rascal, after all !" ..'s ar.t0.
Two lawyers, one of whom had gray
hair, and the other, though just as ola man
as his learned friend, had hair when looked
suspiciously black, had some altercation
about some question Of practice, in which
the gentleman with the dark hair remarked
to his opponent, at the same time looking
at the barrister's gray head "A person
at your time of life, sir, ought to have had
long enough experience to know what IS
customary in such cases." Yes, sir"
was the reply; "you may stare at my gray
hair if YOU like. My hair will be gray as
long as l live, and yours will be black as
long as you dye."
A very valuable pocket-knife was drop
ped into twcnty-iour-fp foot well, half full
of water. elbow shall we get it out
Shall We havcto draw the water from the
well?" The writer proposed to use a
strong horseshoe magnet near by, suspend
ed by cord. "But we can't see where
to lower the magnet so as to touch the
knife" "Throw the suns rays down the
bottom of the well by q looking-glass was
the second answer. 1t was done, the
knife rendered visible from the top OF the
well, the magnet came into contact, ana
the knife brought up-all being accom-
plished in q minute Of time.
In September, 1860, the electors for Ten
ncssec were addressing mass meeting at
Nashville in favor Of the Presidential can
didates. Governor Ncill S. Brown de-
livered one of his most flowery speeches.
Colonel P was next called. He
stepped upon the platform, raised his hands
to an angle of forty-five degrees, and said {:
" Now, gentlemen, l will show you my po-
sition on this great national question"
And taking step back, seemingly to get
room to spread himself, he went over fiat
on the ground. Shouting is no name for
the applause. .. a..
On a trial for an assault which took place
at the assizes some years since, medical
witness, in giving his evidence, informed the
court that, on examining the prosecutor,
he found him suffering from a severe con-
fusion of the integuments under the left
orbit, with great eXtravasation Of blood
and ecchymosis in the surrounding cellular
tissue, which was in tumefed state.
There was also considerable abrasion Of the
cuticle. Judge: "You mean, suppose,
that the man had black eye p Witness
IL" Yes" "Then why not say so at once -
"Say, Billy, what you done with that
air sorril mare of yourn2"
"Sold her." said William, with smile
of satisfaction.
"Wot'd you get 7"
"Hund'd an fifty dollars, cash down."
elbow! Hund'd an fifty dollars for that
old kickin', spravin critter? Who'd you
sell her TOT" ..,.
"Sold her to mother" ...
A young fellow entered church and
took his seat with his hat on. An elder
noticing it, stepped up and requested him
to take it off. His request not being CON-
piled with, he came to the young man q
second time, and seeing he still hesitated,
the elder gently lifted it of, when, to his
chagrin, out rolled quart of hickory nuts,
making more noise than was consistent
with decorum. "Man," quietly said the
youth, "See what you have done %
A Turkish ambassador was at q public
dinner in London in company with some
of the magnates Of the land. The chair
man gavc as o toast, in compliment to his
Excellency: "The Sublime Porte and the
Turkish Ambassador" The waiter echoed
it down the table: "a supply of port for
the Turkish Ambassador" 1tl ~ y
An enraged parent had jerked his pro-
voking son across his knee, and was ope-
rating on the exposed portion Of the urchin's
person with great yehemence, when the
young one dug into the parental legs with
his venemous little teeth.
"Blazes! what are you biting me for ?"
"Well, dad, you beginned this here
war;"
From oil we can learn, the hog crop in
this section will be somewhat short. Many
of the farmers are buying for their own
use, and we arc informed that they find it
difficult to procure hogs at any price,
Paducah Herald, ed. l.az
"Now, boys, this is whale. Can you
tell me what the whale does with all the
water he swallowsf" Smart boy, whose
father is pawnbroker Please, sir, he
spOuts it."
What is the difference between tunnel
and speaking trumpet One Is followed
out, and the other followed in.
Why is q stagnant pool Of water like q
leaden image Of Satanf Because one is q
dead level and the other is lead devil.
Why should marriage be spoken Of as
tender tie, when nothing but death can
cut itf -, -
Tea-kettles arc decidedly Yankee In
their melody-they sing through their
noses. 49,
The speaker who was "drawn ont"
eighteen inches moro than be-