Des Arc citizen., 1866-04-14
The First Baby.

By the Rev. Mr.-----. MT. '3J. w, C. to Miss c. E. G., only daughter, etc.,.''No cards " We didn't say no baby I have one of those interesting animals at my house. It came when it rained like blazes, dark as pitch, and my umbrella at the store no cars running The doctor hyedfye miles due west, and the nurse five miles due east; and, when l got home to the bosom ofmy family, the condensed milk-man was atthe next door. Its funny little chip, that baby solferino color, and the length ofa Bologna sausage Cross? guess not. Um, um it commenced chasing me down the pathway flife just when muslin, linen, and white flannel were the highest they they been since. Adam built a hen-house for Mrs. Eves chickens. Doctors charge two dollars squint four dollars grunt, and account of the scarcity of rain in the country, take what is left in mans pocket, no discount for cash, and send bill for balance, January first. A queer little thing is that baby--a speck of a nose like wart; head as bald as squash, and no place to hitch a waterfall <; a mouth just suited to comethe gum game and chew milk. O,.craekee .,you should hear her sing
 have bumped it, stuffed my fur cap down it's throat, given it the smoothing irons to play with, but that ltle red lump that looks as if it couldn't hold blood enough to keep mus
 quito from fainting persists in yelling like thunder. It shows a great desire to swallow it's fist, and the other day they dropped down its throat and all that prevented their going clear through was the crook inits elbows. It
 stopped it's music, and I was happy for one and half minutes It's pleasant thing to have a baby in the house--one of your colicky kind. Think ofthe pleasures of a father, in dishabille trembling in the midnight hour, with his warm feet upon square yard of cold oil cloth, dropping paregoric in a teaspoon, by moonlight, thenurse thumpirgon the door, wife of your bosom shot ting hurry, and the baby yelling till the fresco drops from the ceiling It's a nice time to think of dress-coats, pants. ties, and white kids Shades of departed cocktails what comfort, what a picture for an article in Plaster Paris Its mother says the darling is troubled with wind on the stomach 1! it beats all the wind instruments you ever heard of. have to get up in the cold and 1 shiyer while the milk warns: it uses the bot 1 tle have cradle with a representation of miraculous soothing syrup bottle on the dash board. tried to stop it's breath the other night, it was no go; Irockod it so hard 1 missed stays. and sent it slap clear across the room, upsetting a jar of preserves. It didn't make any noise then Oh no, it's moth . CT says only wait till it gets bleached, tits been vaccinated) and old enough to crawl about and feed on pins. Yes, am going to wait Won't it be delightful? John, run for the doctor, sis has fell in the slop-pail and is choking with potato-skin sis has fell down
 stairs sis has swallowed the tack hammer {; shows signs of the humps, measles, croup,
 whooping-cough, smallpox, collie, dysentery. cholera infantum, or some darn thing to let the doctor take all the money laid by for my win- ter's corn beef, and all this comes of my sham booming and curling my hair, wearing nice clothes and locking handsome, goinga ceurting and making my wife fallin love and marry me.