The Iowa transcript. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1858-1866, 1866-05-16

We are indebted to the "drawer" OF
Harpers Magasiue for. the following bits of

we are lnuoDLeQ 70 Inc = drawer OF
Harper's Magazine forsthe following bits d
humor:
"Do not take that egg. The hen will not
lay without you leave one egg in the nest"
said mother to child five years old.
"Do they keep the egg for pattern,
mother ?" asked the child.
II heard once Of an editor in the goodly
city Of Louisville that isn't bad. In coming
nome he was met at Cincinnati by one or
two persistent newsboys, screaming in his
ears, " Here's your Louisville Democrat,
Journal, and Courier take a paper, sir |!
take q paper!" until they annoyed him,
and he said, "Go away! l make them
things!" meaning the newspapers. "Come
along, Bill! !" shouted the impertinent news
boy, at the top Of his voice, to his COM
panion; "that's the reason We can't sell
'em!" W Fls
4 I'm q small town in northern Indiana
an attorney by the name Of H was ar
guing question before Judge c., after
the court had plainly intimated its view Of
the matter. H persisted in his re-
marks, and the judge, who was in hurry
at the time, eaid:
"The court has made up its mind on that
subject; if you don't think it is right, you
can take it up to the court Of errors and
have the decision reversed"
elf ehis is not court of errors" was the
reply, II would like to know where you
would find it,
MIR. VIM. Randolph, one Of the lawyers
in the celebrated Gaines case, returned
home from journey. and had purchased
some trinkets and toys for little Fan-among
others, one Of these patent automaton rats
that run by clock work all around the room.
As it happened, brilliant little spark of
femninity, the child of friend, was unex-
pectedly present when the magic rat began
| its peregrinations. There was q little fash
Of envy in her eyes, little pout ON her lip,
IS she pettishly said: ss'Tisn't much
we've plenty Of rats at our house and you
don't have to wind 'em up either!"
| Poor, eloquent Tom Marshall! Poor
| Toms cold now; but in his life he repre-
sensed at once the genius, passion. wit, and
worst follies and weaknesses of Kentucky.
In his latter days he did not belong TO more
than two or three temperance societies at a
time; and once, in wild fever of dissipa-
| ton, was taken to room in the Mansion
house at Lexington by q friend. When
there he found the old SCHOOL, boy warning
that What goes up must oOme down - en-
tirely reversed, and his friend, hearing the
upheavings from the vastly deep, said:
"Are you unwell, Mr. Marshall?"
ooh no." was the reply; only throwing
up for fun!"
| An old fellow, who is original in ell
things, especially in exec sive egotism and
profanity, and who took part in the late
great rebellion, was one day blowing in the
village tavern to crowd Of admiring list
eners, and boasting Of his many bloody ex-
PLOTS, when he was interrupted by the
I question:
:. say, old Joe, how many rebs did you
kill during the war
"How many did I kill, sir how many
rebs did l kill? Well, don't know just
'zactly how>many; but know this much
killed as many o them as they did o me .
Judge P, of Syracuse, N. T., 81.
though devoted to what many call . dry
profession, nevertheless has high appre.
citation of a joke, and tells one well. The
judge is an accomplished scholar and an
able mathematician. On q recent occasion
he was endeavoring to perform that impos-
sibility Of misunderstanding the circle. OF
course he soon relinquished SO hopeless O
task; but his friends. willing to vex him by
recalling the visionary scheme, were con-
stanfy asking the question:
"Judge, have you squared tha circle
yet 2"
At last he surprised one of them by an
swering, 'Yes."
"Why. Low, judges'
81 drove a four-inch scantling through q
knot-hole -
Judge H, Of northwestern Illinois,
tells the following story Of his early prac-
tice:
Soon after I commenced the practice Of
law was engaged in trying small matter
Of accounts before justice Of the peace, an
other young lawyer being employed on the
other side. There was not much to be said,
it is true; and about the time we got
through with the testimony l noticed the
justice figuring on o piece Of paper and
writing iu the docket. As soon as the last
witness was through got up to argue my
side of the case. The court, VINO was Of a
thirsty temperament. got up, and rs he LET,
the bench said, coolly: Young men, you can
60 on with your arguments; l will be in
pretty soon. The judgment is SOL" We
didn't proceed.
Il was in Grants army writes a soldier),
operating against vicksburg. Mcpherson
| had already crossed the river near Grand
| gulf, and in action with the enemy had
taken quite number Of prisoners. As
they were being sent to Old camp, at
Young's point, they passed our division.
One of the prisoners was great rawboned,
| giant sort Of fellow, and attracted the
notice of all us !" Yanks." Many were the
remarks made to him of both pleasant and
an insulting nature, but he seemed inditfer-
ent to all When just opposite where was
standing the prisoners were halted, and
| feeling full Of fun I thought would have
some sport with the fellow above mentioned.
Stepping up to him, followed BY quite Z
number Of my comrades, said:
"How are you, Johnny Whore you
goings"
up north, you old fool, where all south
ern gentlemen 60 for their health and plea
sure in the summer time /"
The "laff - was on me.
You don't know young Mr.. Robert
Breckenridge perhaps. He stands very
high in the medical profession, having filled
various responsible positions in college ia
culties and hospitals. heard pass be-
tween. him and poor Phil Poindexter, the
lawyer-God bless him he is lying under
the daisies in his own sunny south now
that is worth preserving. We were at sup.
| per at Sam Gwyn's. aud over 1.-THE walnuts
and the wine" were chatting socially, when
! DR.. Breckenridge casually remarked, speak.
ing of his profession:
"You know the fool Of the family is al
WAYS made a doctor"