Clarksville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1865-1867, 1866-10-12
Wit AND mUMOR.

WIT AND nUMoR.
,
Butler says 'this war must be settled BY
those who fought" Agreed. This rules
out Ben. He only stole. - -a
An oid bachelor says the talk of women Is
usually about men; even their laugh 10 ho,
he, hei
A divine preached on Sunday morning
from thetext: aye are children OF tts~dev.
b" and in the afternoon, by funny eOlnci-
dence, "children, obey your parents" .
Why was Goliah the giant very much as.
tonshed when David hit him with stone
Such thing had never entered his head be-
fore.
! How is II that trees can put on new
dress without opening their trunks? II Is
because they Iedce out their summer clothing.
"EIave you much fish in your bag2" asked
person of a fishermam--"Yes there is q
good eel in it" was the reply.
A drunkard being told that the earth was
round, said that It accounted for his rolling
of 80 much.
A young poet out west in describing
Heaven saysi
at is a world Of bliss, fenced in with
girls" ~
Where's the man that won't repent now
Why is Tennessee the most degraded State
In the Unioh2 Because Its Governor Is foul,
FOrier.
An Englishman being asked how he spell.
led saloon, replied, "With hess, a hay, a
hell, two hoes and hen."
"when goes shoppin','' said an old
lady, "l alters asks for what wants, aud II
they have it, and its suitable, and feel in
clined to buy II, and its cheap and cant be
chappering about ii all day, as some people
do
"Wht is il, asked a Frcnchman Of q Swift
zer, "that you Swiss always fight for money,
while we French fight only for honorY' II
suppose said the Switser, "that each fights
for what they most lack"
| An old criminal was once asked what was
the first step that led him TO ruin when he
replied: ''rhe first step was cheating the
Ptn.ei ouso VI yoafS suosc'iP'Iou' Vhon
did that the devil got such hold On me
that could not snake MIN on"
A gentleman who recently put up at a log
tavern In Wisconsin, was awakened by
young man, who ccmmenceda sefenade thus
"Oh Sally Rice,
I've called you twice,
And yet you lie and snorei
pray YOU wake,
And ope 10 him the door; or
| the window, don't care much which, for
Il makes but little difference
To either you or T.
Big pig little pig,
Root, hog, Or die.
.strs,s,r MI,xs-Never tas,s m atom
when Won are not hungry. II "a suicidal -
Never hire sertsnts WIN go In rsirs M
sisters cousins, or ANYTHING eIse,
Never sneak of your fhther as sstb, ola
man.
Never repiv IN tho ru;t,,et of n drrrtsra.
Ne,er sneah conte,nntuo,,s,v nj ,roman.
kind
Never obusr one who was once vo,r bc.
som friend. however bitter now.
Never smile at the exnensr of vopr re,;o,
ION or your blDIe.
Never stand AT the corner of n s,pee,.
never insult poverty
There was very irascible gentleman WIN
formerly held the position of Justice of tho
Peace in one of our cities, Going down tbe
main street one day, one of the bows sprks
to him without coming up 10 His Uonor,
idea Oh deerenee. Young man, | hne you
20 10, consemp. OF court. ""hy Judge,
saIu t''e onehuer, you are not IN session.
inls ooutr responded the Judge, thor.
ousn,s n,.,u'eu, .,, rs mways ,h session, ana
1onsequenuy awaysah opJect OF contemptf
passed on.
e.,, .a'mei wehl WIN ms son ineo tue wheat
"o,S mc W SEC u ~ was reauy 'or the harVest.
,n'ne'' eAcia,mea .he Doy' now
sLaisns T, 'nese s,ems no'd up meir neaus.
hang. ,h.;s . oe ,n' oes' ones. inose una.
good for much"
The father plucked a stalk of each kind
an6 said, 'sSee here, foolish childl this stalk
that stood SO straight and high is light headed
and almost good for nothing, while this that
hung its head SO moiestly, is full of the most
beautiful grain. II man holds his head
s,n9,r . LIZ 'ou nhas 'e P'o't' sure ''a' " !"