The Portland daily press., 1866-10-09
VARIETIES.

ators, and the ratification of the aran5rapt to
| the Constitution. ''''''' W
man stopping his paper, wrote to the ed
i'or: L tnink folks offend to spend their mum
ey lor paper: my dad didn't, and everybody
SEE ne was the lntelligyntist man in the coun-
try and he'd the smartest family of bows that
ever dugged taters."
The programme arranged for the readers
OF The Atlantic Monthly Magazine for next
year is remarkably brilliant one. The princi-
pal serial story for 1867 will be a new novel by
oliver Wendell Holiness called "The Guardi-
an Angel and it is safe always to predict tba
best for the author of "Ths Autocrat of tba
nreakiast Table" The novelties in prepara;-
ton for 1867 viii be duly announced in the
forthcoming number of the magazine.
| PRESIDENT Lincoln's humor was not all ex-
| pended in the telling of anecdotes. Many of
ms remarks are irresistibly amusing, and be-
tray keen sense of the ludicrous. Mr.. Car
penter relates that soon after his nomination in
1850, an ambitious halter having sent him a
new tile, he put it on and walking up to the
glass, said, as he glanced from the reflection To
Mrs. Lincoln, with peculiar twinkle of the
eye, "Well wife, there is one thing likely to
/
ing to have some ne,o clOthesi'
Mr. Henry Bergh, the President of the
society for the prevention of cruelty to animals,
has written letter to Prof Agassiz to know
whether in his opinion, turtles are endowed
with sensation enough to be the subjects of
cruelty The Professor says they do feel pain,
and are very sensitive to some injuries. and
adds that the treatment of animals before thew
are slaughtered affects the condition of the
meat and its nutritive qualities.
An article ON "Live Metaphors" in a re-
cent number of the Galaxy gives the following
amusing collection of verbal condolences:
other peculiar condolences of words are
mentioned, as the fact that Adam was ssnaked'
out OF the Garden of Eden; that Queen Mab's
chariot drawn BY gnats was the first instance
OF 'gnatty turn OUT that when Saul visited
the witch of Endor she raised Sam. that
george ~. reiened as long as he could reign,
and then he 'mizzled;' that spring il the time To-
whip little boys because it's 1ambing' time;
tnat the language OF the rose in June is We'll,
m oiowed; OF the asparagus in July, Cut
and come again. of peas in August, iShell
out; OF the apple tree in September, Go it, my
pippins'" u
Soon after Johnson's accession to the Pres
idency, he issued circular to the ofice-hold-
ers of New York, upon the eve of an imnor-
tant election, forbidding all assessments ON
them for political purposes Does he know
that contributions are now openly and shame
fuliy demanded as the only conditions upon
which office can be retained under his admin
istration?
"A New York Tribune reporter has seen
even such another spectacle as her aueust-
ness the Empress Pulcherin might have looked
upon from her purple throne in the sem-bar-
barous, semi Greek stadium, or hippodrome, in
the days when Chrysostom of the silver tongue
made the pulpits of Byzantium reverberate
with the mighty thunder-ron of his eloquence.'
What the fellow means to say is that he has
seen the horse-raains at
The Boston Transcript of Saturday saws:
!. Lake Cochituate is two and o half feet higher
to-day than it was on the same date last year.
The rain fall for the month upon the lake has
been nine inches, which, together with the wa
ter-shed, has equalled the evaporation and sup
ply to the city, besides adding four inches to
the height of the water over the whole extent
of the lake." Iof .. H7..I Y..ln .fa
"A man inquired at the postofice in Erie.
New York, the other day, for letter for "En-
ry Hogdon-" He was told there was none.
Look ere" he replied, little angrily, "you'ye
hexamined hodd letter for my name. 1t
don't commence with ahaitchl 1t begins with
no! Look in the ole that's got the ho'sr'
a. Lady Hamilton, the friend of Lord Nell
son, was once rowed ashore by one of Nelson's
sailors, whom she deemed deserving of some
courtesy at her hands. "wilI you have glass
Of rum, a mug Of beer, or tumbler of punoh?"
inquired the lady. "If you please, ma'am,"re-
sponded Jack, with his best bow, 81 win take
the rum noso, and toss off the mug of beer
while your ladyship is mixing the punch for
me-" The Tribune thinks General Dix must
have inherited something like Jacks compre
hensive appetite.
1T is announced that a new system of
prizes has been prepared for the Paris Exhibi
tion- The Imperial Commission have set
apart sum of $4,000, divided into ten awards
of $1,000 each, sin favor Of the persons, estaL
lishments or localities which, by special organ
'ization or special institutions, have deyeloped
a spirit of harmony among all those co-operat-
ing IN the same work, and have provided for
the material. moral and intellectual well-being
of the workmen." Besides these rewards.
there are twenty honorable mentions" and
one grand prize of 100000 francs in addition
may be awarded ito the person, establishment
or locality distinguished under this head by a
very exceptional superiority"
I'VE have received the first number of The
Church Visitor, weekly paper, published at
New Orleans, in the interests of the Protestant
Episcopal Church. 1t has the appearance of
being under able management, and promises
to supply the obvious want of some organ of
the kind in the South. .gilf.I.i 4.
"A gentleman, walking with two ladies.
stepped on hogshead hoop that few up and
struck him on the face. "Good graciousp' said
he, (which of you dropped that?"
"A punster says: my name is Somerset. 1
am a miserable old bachelor. Icannot marry;
for how could hope to prevail on young
lady possessed of the slightest notions of deli
cacy, to turn SOMERSET"
The Buffalo Commercial says that Ray
mond may well exclaim with Hamlet, 'The
Times is out of joint o, cursed spite, that 1
was ever born to set it right" aa
Geo. Francis Train is running as an inde-
dependent candidate for Congress, in Nebras-
ka. His announcement in The Omaha Herald
is in his usual style. He runs regardless of DO
litical issues-or anything else. There are two
regular tickets in the field.
"A new version of an old nursery rhyme
has gained newspaper circulation:
o., - Said Aaron to Moses,
Let's cut off our noses
And they went out West and did it.
Hon. Lewis A. Barker, of this State, was
compelled to leave the field in Pennsylvania,
on account of sickness in his family. The Phil
adelphia Press pays Mr.. Barker very hand
some compliment saying that he is zone of the
most forcible of public speakers and what
gives effect to his oratory is not simply his rare
personal advantages, his fine humor and his
excellent voice, but his manner which impress
es all his hearers with the fact that he is pro-
foundly convinced of the truth of what he
says
The memorial which Amherst college is
to erect to her alumni and students who fell in
the war is to be a group of bronze statuary,