The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1866-09-20
99(a6ersolt yntellgeltttr*
scrans. Facts and Fancies.

Scraps, Facts and Fancies.
Loving times-When everything is
about as dear as it can be. =,
- Benefits please, like flowers, whilc
they are fresh.
- What is the only pain that wo mako
light of? A window pane.
p Why did Job sleep coldS kase he
had poor comforters.
Some hearts, like the evening prlns'
roses, open most bcausis''l N the shadows
of life.
-How q man may be known from .
fatigued dog. One wears u sh'rt' the
other pants. ,....
-@Wcll, my boy" said y schoolmastor
to pupil, scan YOU tell mo what synta,X,, =,
is p Yes, sir: It is tho duty on spirits p
d say, Pat, arc you digging ont a
hole in that onion bcd?" NO" says Pat,
81 am digging out tho earth and leaving
hole"
"The smiles of home are exceeding
pleasant" but there are many people, VINO
have good homes who prefer smiling
with friend outside.
- Prentice wonders why the planets
don't cut off the tails of comet when 1t
passes among them, they all have axis.
- The press and petticoats-the ruling
mowers of the day. The first spreads
morals, and the last spreads every con-
siderably"
- Circumstances alter cases. Red
paint, which is great improvement on
the looks of old houses, is but an injury
%o tho ohaelys of vounp ladies'
- A firm faith is the best theology; a
good life the best philosophy; clear con-
science the best law; honesty the best
policy; and temperance the best physic
An afflicted husband was returning
from the funeral of his wife, when afriend
asked him how he was.
"Well," said he, pathetically, 81 think
feel the better for that little walk"
= Some men are like cats. You may
stroke the fur the right way for years,
and hear nothing but purring; but acci-
dentally tread on tho tail, and all memory
of former kindness is obliteratcd.
: Young man--Are you waiting tor
>somo door to open into broad and useful
future? Don't wait. Select the door
AID pry it open, oven though you get
your fingers pinched.
- What is the most striking instance
on record of tho evil of intcmperance in
diet? That of our first parents, Adam
and Eve. who ate themselves Out of house
and homo.
- Well, boys, what does hair spell ?
Boy-I don't know. What have you got
on your head Boy-(scratching)-I
guess it's musl1oeter bite, for it itches
like thunder.
"A men in Jackson, Mississippi, re-
Gently snatched hat from blind mans
head and ran off with it. The blind man
thinks he could recognize him if he should
see him.
"A reporter, in describing q total alb
stinence meeting, says that "they had
most harmonious and profitable session,
and retired from the hall full of the best
spirits" So,
Lord Dundreary has expressed him
self favorable to marriage with deceased
wife's sister, on this ground: "It is eco
nomical because whom q man marrles his
deceased wife's sister ho has only one
mother-in-law."
"My friend" said a doctor to an
Irish patient, "bo composed ; we must all
die once"
can it's that vexes me-" replied Pat;
hif it wor NOR than onc't I'd be aisy in
1t is very rare to find ground which
produces nothing; if it is not covered with
flowers, with fruit trees and grains it pro-
dnces briars and pine. It is tho same
with man, if he is not virtuous, ne becomes
vicious.
Lord Bury, having been asked to
contribute shilling to help bury an at
torney who had died poor, exclaimed
"Only shilling to bury an attorney !?
Here's guinea; go and bury twenty OF
them"
The reason why women so seldom
stammer is because they talk so fast q
stammer has got no chance to get in.
People stutter because they hesitate
But ever knew woman to hesitate
about anything?
= There has been q shocmakors' strike
at EImira, New York, recently. One
shoemaker there mistooS another's head
for lap-stone and used his hammer up
on It, All work was suspended while the
"striko" was going on.
Love is as necessary to o womans
heart as q fashionable bonnet to her head.
Indeed, we think, rather moro so; for
nothing less than q large measure will
content her; whereas the recent fashion
has shown that she can be satisfied with
o very little bonnet.
"A Scotchman went to lawyer once
for advice, and detailed the circumstances
of the case. "Have you told me she facts
precisely as they occurred" 7" said the law
yer 30, ay, sir" rejoined he, 81 thought
It best to tell we the truth; you can put
Il, l;ac into Il rnnrSnlfY,