The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1866-08-02
A Smsli Pox Speculation.

A SmsN Pex Speculation.
The Oregon correspondent of the st.
Paul Press recently met genius with
turn for specializing. After relating his
various futile attempts TO get rise in
the world, the disconsolate came TO the
following conclusions:
Says to myself. ses I, Hank, there's
no use fightin' agin luck any longer.
Everybody is bound to swindle we some
how, if they have to die for il.
So, while l was a settin' on wood
pile, and wondern' whether I hadn't
better go and drown myself and done
with it. the Mayor of the city come along,
and says he to me, ses he:
my good man, you look downhearted
as a tombstone"
"Wall, yes, royther!' says /, ''and
am born to work for dead men, wouldn't
be appropriate if I didn't look grape."
At that he LATED, and 'quired the par
ticulars; and then says he, "How would
you like good steady Job at five dollars
day."
''Fire dollars a days" says l.
'.How would you like it?'' says he.
''I'll do anything for them figures says
l. "Tll dig graves, sweep chimneys, or
turn lawyer" Then he laffcd agin, and
says he:
''Come with me to the office"
AFTER l had received my ointment,
says /, esquire, if it's all the same to
you, I'd like to know what 1 m goin into"
Says he to me:
''We've got few cases of small pox
in town, and We want a good trusty man
to take care Of the pest house, about five
miles up in the woods''
If he hadn't been lookir' me square
in the face, / do bleeye | should have
bleached clean eout just then; but jam
med down the crown of my hat, cooked
one eye, and says l to the Squire, says l,
"A bargains u bargain the world over,
but want my money in gold every Satur
day"
"All right" says he, 'svou can come
Ah'O eo"ii " SCi tiii uousc L IL Jiilb Out,
every Saturday. with a mule, and get
your money and provisions"
l went out to the woods ON Monday,
and had seven patients-the fust week.
For few days Ifelt pooty streakcd, but
Lord, fellow'd get used to anything
when his pockets dry 1 went into
town on Saturday, to the hour agreed
on, and there, sure 'nuH, found pile
of provisions, and my thirty five dollars
in gold,
Things is a loOkin' little lively"
says l to -myself, says L., .sand as there
hain't no business that Il pay any better'n
this, guess we'll keep this ere mill
grindin as long as the wheesll keep
turning
The next week had four more patients,
and 1 rugged up the old mule 1 had for
packing, and went into town for more
meat, flour, sugar, meal, nice preserves,
and more gold. The patients got along
fust rate, cos kept EN- on scant diet, so
l could sell the rest of the vittles in
Oregon City.
w ell, this thing run along for about
three months. / went into town every
Saturday and got my thirty five dollars,
and as much plumber AS 1 dare call fur;
and every Sunday streaked it up to
Oregon City, and got the cash for the
whole capoodle.
Finally, all my patients but one, got
well, and cleared ont. But this Teller.
bein' a good sort o chap, agreed to
stay and be sick while longer if I'd 60
haires with him on my wages. l agreed
to do this, aud he was con>sieSS for
about five weeks. Then he got kind o
lonely and ugly, and swore he wouldn't
be sick another day unless I'd fetch him
some liquor. Finally to quiet the Teller,
and keep the thing running along smooth,
went up to Oregon City and got a
bottle of this Saint Croy X that We see
advertised SO much in the new spapers,
and blast my buttons If he didn't get
drunk Oh it in less than two hours, and
put for Portland on 3 dead run.
There lie Nossed the whole. thing. and 1
haint done nothing at the pest house
business since. But didn't lose man
anyray; aud come out OF the business
with about Eve hundred dollars in gold.
which l reyther guess makes me about
square with Oregon and her dead men
I've been dealin' with"
Soup or Nothing.