Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1866-01-20
A Discharged Soldier Buys q WIFE I'm T.
Louis and Is Badly Taken io4u

Charles MotiiZ is an uhsophistcated
bachelor OF lhir'y-six. Having served q
full term in the army where be was sue
cessful n dodging the rebel bullets, he
considered himself equal to almost any
emergency, and concluded to take unit
himself wife. Although very bold 10
facing the enemy, Moritz ives bashful to
face pretty girl, and never could screw
his courage up 70 the popping point.
He bad saved bis bounty aud good
part Of bis psy, and knowing that money
makes the mare go, he thought it would
also make wife come.
Moritz therefore, called on his friend,
G Gorge Wather, who keeps D saloon on
the corner of Morgan and Twenty first
streets, and offered George fifty dollars to
get him good, plump, fat and docile
wife" George had no license as a mat
rimonal broker, but il being CbriStmas
time, he thought he would play little
joke at the expense of poor Charley He
acquainted several other friends with bis
intention, and they entered iu,o the con
spiracy with right good will -
Among the friends consulted by Wal
ther were.J Gottwald and Anton Jor.
gen. Joe. had bro her who was a
smoot hfaced, rosy checked boy, Fat and
plump as a heud Of cabbage, and fall of
mischief. J,e'S brothe. was dressed up in
The gorgeous array of a bride, with ample
skirts, puffed out by duplex elliptic hoop
skirt, aud with flowing veil, A xcolored
wa,er fall, and certain other articles of
female wear, be made very handsome
looking bride. A grave looking Hessian
was engaged 10 plIy the part of Jus,ic
of the Peace aud lie the nupial knot.
Mrriz was delighted with The appear
ance Of bis "bride." He considered that
he had obtained II great bargin, aud he
at once accepted her as his better half.
A room in Walther's house was nicely
scrubbed by Jorgen, aud there he marriage
cei emony was performed Mori,z was in
ex tacie,. A. s,on.as he moose was around
his neck, be gave the Squire" 1--WE dollars
for his trouble, presented FIVE dollars
JOrgeu for scrnbbrg the room, and
made young GottwaId u present Of fifteen
dollars as n bridal & IT,
The liberalily OF the happy man d not
stop here. lie sent out and invited a
number OF acqpaintances to the froli., and
spent seventy five dollars for wines Cakes
and cigars The spree was kept up uunl
a late hour, and when the wedding guess
at last took their departure. Moriz was
informed that the sister of his 'ide was
very sick, and desired Ms Mo-;tz 10 set
up with her that night; it would be tuken
as favor if he woulu remain at his old
quarters until morning. whtn he could
come and take his wife home.
Moriz z reluctantly agreed TO this ar
rangement, but fearing something might be
wrong, he demanded Of the Justice his
marriage certificate. He was handed
card containing the following words /: Re.
ward of Merit, presented to Louis Fcelter
by NJ. f Secor, teacher With this doc
ument in his pocket, M3ri'z re, ired TO bed
thanking his good fortune tha, he had at
last procured u young and bard,omc wife.
He slept but little, being fvverish with
anxiety, and fearful that be would wake up
aud iud it all dream.
Mori'z was not q sugga'd the next
morning, bu', blight aud early. he arc e
and hastened over TO Wal hers house TO
fetch his bride. He was Informed that
there was no surh person there, aud after
going nearly crazy, aud searching all over
the house, he was tod that he had been
made the victim Of a practical joke For
two days poor Mori'z was confined TO his
room, refusing to eat or drink, and di,dsin
ing oil offers of consolation Al ltnyth,
when on the point of starvation, glass Of
beer was placed before him he draak it,
aud was saved He now edtated revenge
and took the proper course to obtain it,
He called on the police force, and officers
Rosseau, Dickson aud Vouupe arrested
George Wallher, Anton Jorger aud Joe
Potwad on charge Of obtaining money
under fuse preteuces. The bogus Justice
could not be found, aud Joe's youngest
brother. the bride, was also missing The
three men were taken to the Gala boose, and
will be examined before the Recorder on q
charge of felony. They begin to realize
the fact that practical joke can be carried
100 far, and they will be lucky If they es.
cape without being 6led to twice the extent
Of their victim. ai 'I t,3. 'vFD
| Moriz looks like a broken hearted man.
He can hardly believe that The beautiful
aud blu>hing ftaulien who stood up and
promised TO be his better half through thick
and through thin, is a great booby of a
school-boy The dream of happiness that
visited him was too sweet to melt into air
SO suddenly, and he cherishes a lingering
hope that the joke consists 10 trying TO
convince him that bis wife is a boy. and he
is not fully satisfied that be is not a mar.
ried man after oil He told his story to
the City Attorney yesterday, and that
gentleman encouraged him by telling him
he could get another wife that would be of
the proper sex. -' .." H..f s-