South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1866-05-25
WIT AND HUNIoR-

-Don't care much about the bugs
said Nlr; Swink; "but the truth is, Pvc not
got tire blood to spare"
"A man came home drunk on 4 cold
night, YBmitcd in basket containing ros.
hngs, which his wife had placed before the
fire, upon seeing which, he exclaimed, "My
God, wife when did swallow them things?
"A little ragged urchin, begging in the
city: the other day, was asked by lady who
filled his basket, if his parents were living?
"Only dad, marm," said the boy.
''Then you'have enough in your basket
now to feed the family for some time" said
the lady.
"Ob, no, haven't neither" said the lad,
"for dad and me keeps FIVE boarders; he
does the house work, and do the mark
ct'n."
Mother" said little Ned, one morning
after having fallen out of bed, ~ think
know why fell out of bed last night. 1t
was because Tslcpt too near where got in"
Musing little while, as if in doubt whetl-
er he had given the right explanation, he
added, "No, that wasn't the reason; it was
because slept too near where fell out"
A Bilious landlord, at Boblcskill, n,
short time since, was complaining that h.'
sugar drawer was ovcrrun with anta. A
"settcr," ever present, proposed that if Boni-
face would treat, he would inform him how
| to get rid of the ants in very short time
The landlord accepted the proposition, when
the "sctter" coolly advised Boniface to "kiIl
an ant every time he took drink"
"A young fellow once offered to kiss a
Quakcrcss. "Fricnd," said she, "thee must
not do it." "Oh! by Jovc but must"
said the youth. Well, friend, as thee hast
sworn, thee may do it :; but thee must not
make practice oft"
Il fascinating sight is to see young
lady walking as though a flea was biting
her on each hip. She is almost match
! for the dandy who steps like an open-wing-
cd turkey travelling over a bed of hot ashes.
-"That's pretty bird, grandma" said
little boy. EYES," replied the old damc,
''hc never cries" "That's because he's
never washed" rejoincd the boy.
- Parson Brownlow made one of his
characteristic speeches at Knoxville, few
days since, in which he declared he "would
not start to Heaven with the Democratic
party" That is very likely. He is on the
high road with the radicals in the opposite
direction.
"A Paris correspondent tells of lady
riding i'll an open carriage in a crowded
street, and wearing n very small bonnet with
very large artificial vegetables upon it.
An ill-fcd horse behind, deceived by appear
anccs, stretched out his neck and nibblei.
The lady shricked and there were "shrccks
Of LATTER" from the hcartlcss pedestrians,
while the horse, hopeful and hungry, bit
deeper into the deceptive provendcr,> and f.
nally bit off all the back of the hcaI-of'
hair ard things-of the lady.
A REFORMED Man Old Billy Smith
kept a small store in one of the interior
towns of Massachusetts. 1t was the rendc-
vouz of all the loafers in the village. These
fellows used to be there every night, play
ing poker, generally with the old man s
clerk, and besides drinking the old man 8
liquor, spent his money, furnished by the
confidential clerk. Old Billy suspected
what was going on, and came down on them
suddenly one night; Ncmiall got "Jessie,"
but was forgiven, promising to sin no more.
"Ncmiab,' said Bill "ncver let soul in
after eight o'clock"
Nemiah promised obedience. Next ght
! the crowd was at work as usual, and Billy
thought he would GO down and see how
things went OIL.
Accordingly down he went, and Knocked
at the door
"Who's there ?" Grid Ncmah.
'1ts me, Mr., open the door"
"No; Billy told me never to let any one
in after eight o'clock, and l amt going to
I do it."
"But, Ncmiah, its mc-opcn the door in
! one moment"
mo, none of your CANNON; YOU sound
nightly like him, but it won't 90 down, so
travel, or dod rot your head if don't give
you shot with this old blundcrbus, you old
humbug."
Billy waited to hear no more, but started
off like the wind, confident that Ncmiah
was n reformed man, and the next day
doubled his salary.
"A school-boy being asked by his teach
! CT, OF what is the German Diet composed ??
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