The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1866-02-21

-. =, e,,..,,, an, ,o,f5 Jstsis and infancy and
that ne nirrerss name wuSent w, ou easr "a
Tho old squire WINS e., pG ~. after the lawyer
nated sne shhrnagh his speech and finished mp
na Sa ss ~, from 4 book called Greenleaf,
s,.sa s,rwnrSi TO en- attitood. Stretehin iortn
mn arm, ses I, ESQUIRE Mcdinhln, wo o,,r
sesikted country when Federal law books
shonld be admitted In q Southern patriots
court Haven't we eeeceeded LOT ever from
their foul domination Don't our nag wave
over Fort Sumter. and what, sur, have we got
10 do with Northern laws On the very hrst
page OF the gentleman's book seed the name
of the city of Bosting. Yis, sur, IL was writ.
ten In Bosting, published In Bosting, ana soid
in Boosting, where they don't KNOW no more
about the hire of q Niger than IN OK knows
the man who will tan his hide" sed some
more things that was pinted and patriotk,
and closed my argument by handin the pook W
the squire. He put on his spektakies, anu
after lookin AZ the book about mlne.' seq Iei
hone that from henceforth and Tor ever no
LAWYER will persoom to come before this nonor-
able court with pisen documents to prove his
case. If he do, this court VIII take IL rs ah
look upon the case as warnin 10 all foiks
who gamble in law 10 hold a-good hand ana
play it well. High jestice and PATRIOTISM are
winnin trumps.
-, u
by the name of Kohen, and thought
wouldn't go to law, but would arbitate
had bought Tom Swillins' wheat at dollar
bushel, If he couldn't do any better, ana ii ne
could do any better ne was TO cum PACK a and
sold the wheat 10 Kohen for q dollar and five
cents, and Kohen knowd all about his con-
trackt with me. Me and him like TO nave III,
and perhaps would if ! hadn't been puny put
we finally left 1t all to Josh Billings TO arby-
trate. Old Josh deliberated on the thing Tor
three DAYS and nights, and finally brot In
award that Kohen should have the Wheat anu
n should hare the preference. haint suollil.eu
no more cases to arbitration since, and my
advice to all peopul is to arbytrate nutnln II
your case Is honest, for there amt no JUDGE
there to keep one man from trikin Inc otner.
IN honest man don't stand no chance nowhere,
exceppin in q court with q good lawyer 10
hack him The motto of this case Is, never
10 arbitrate nuthin but a bad case, and take
good lawyers advice, and pay him Tor IL De-
fore YOU do that.
Rut got Fretman-I dident, but my lawyer
Marks did. Fretman was nutmeg scnooi,
teacher who had gone round my naoorhood
with his skool articles, and put down lot
send seven or eight more If he provd himself
right / soon found that the little nulllneT
wasent belevin in anything, and on inquiry
found that Nutmeg was giy1n poWerI III long
recesses and was employin his time chleIy In
carryin on with a tolerabul slid female gal
that was goin to. him. Troup SEQ ne heara
the gal so1eel herself one day, and he knowd
Fretman was a squeeZin of her. don't mlno
our boys squeeZin OF the anKee gas, Duo II
be blamed if the Yankees shall be squeeZin
ourn So I got mad and took the children
away At the end of the term, FREEMAN sueo
me for eighteen dollars, and hlred cheap
LAWYER to collekt it. Before this time had
Termed some sense about a lawyer, SO hlreu
a good one, and spred my pocket book down
before him. and told him TO take Wnat Wouio
satisfy him. And he TUX. Old fhll DAVIS
MOI he aH ODpDln SDeecn
to the effeck that every professional man ought
to be able 10 illustrate his trade, and he there,
fore proposed TO put Mr.. Fretman on the stana
and spell him. This motion was tout marc,
but it agreed with old Pills notions of high
iestice.'' and saws he, " Mr.. Fretman you Will
have to spell, sur Marks then swore him
that he would give true evidence In TINS case,
and that he would spell every word IN Danel
of his knowledge and belief, so help him, &c.
saw then that he wer trembln all ove r like
cold wet dog. Says Mark, Mr.. Ere tman,
spell /" tisick;'' well he spelt it, putin in ph
and tn and OH and n zh and don't know
what all, and / thought he was gone up the
first pop, but Marks said it was right. He
then spelt him right strait along on all sorts OF
big words, and little words, and long WORDS,
and short words, and Afterwards, and he
knowd EN- all, till FINELY Marks ses, g NOW
sur, spell Ompompyausuk.' Fretman drawd a
long breth and said it wasent in the book.
Marks proved it was by an old preacher VINO
| power, ses, " Mr.. Fretman you must spell it,
1 sur" Fretman was sweatin Like run down
! FLY. He TUX one pass at it and missed.
You can come down, sur says sEnro M ennf
| old Phil, give a verdick aginst like a darn.
| Marks was while in his way. AT that
same court he was about TO nonsuit Il doktor
because he dident have his diplomy, and the
doktor beg'd the court for time to go home
after it, He rode seven miles and back MS
hard as he could lick it, and when he handed II
over TO Marks very triumfantly, Marks ses,
Snow, sur, you will take the stand and trans
late this Latin into English, so that the court
may underS tand it. Wen, ne jest caNeu, lor
he couldn't do it,
He lost his case in too minets, for the old
squire said that q do6tor who couldn't read his
diplomey had no more right TO praktis than a
magistrate who couldn't read the license That
| to iine two couple together. This is warnin
! to all professional men to understand their
| business, and the moral OF the case Is, that q
| man oughtent to be sqeezn the gals when any
| BODY can see him. But don't want 1t under
stood that I'm agin it on proper okkashions
and in tender manner. There is no squeelin
necessary. ....
But / must close this brief epistle.
Yours, truly, BILL ARP.
| PSI forgot to mention that the Freed
mans Buro have had me up because Mrs.
| Arp turned off her nurse for not talking baby
talk TO her chile. She said that my wife
throwd cheer at her head. The lying hussy
shawl that she'd stole. pinted EN- out TO the
Buro, and left in defiant disgust. The moral
of this is stand your grown or nurse your
babies yourself.
A RUNAWAY MATCH AND A DESERTED HIS
BANDA very amusing scene occurred on
Front street on Saturday last, which, to the
uninitated, had rather u mysterious appear
ance. A man was seen suddenly 10 seize
woman, Jump into q cutter, and, amid her
md ct