American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1866-12-19
W.T. AND WISDOM.

WIZ AND WISDOM.
An exchange says: +" Lovers, like
armies, generally get along quietly until
they are engaged"
=" Isn't there an awful strong smell
of pigs in the air ?" asked Smith Of
Jones. Yes" replied Jones, " that's
because the wind is from the SOW west"
The following STARTLING threa. was
made use Of the other day, by an excited
pugilist: "Pll twist you round your own
neck and ram you down your own throat,
until there is nothing left Of you but the
extreme ends of your shirt collar stick
ing out of your eyes" His opponent
left.
=" Pa, has the world a tail ?" asked
an urchin of his father " No, cEild, re-
piled he, chow could it have one when it
is round Z" " Well, persisted the. heir,
why do the papers say $50 wags the
world" if it has no tail to wag ?" "Your
ma wants you," replied the nonplussed
daddy.
"A few days since the teacher in one
Of our public schools iuterrogatod the
pupils as to the stiffness of the ocean -
One little girl was conf lent she could
tell, and the question va. put; ''Well
what is it thlt causes The sal'uess of the
wn,er in the oeeuu ?' The codf.h p
replied ih' 0'la original
The letter w -boul he in favor
with fhe male sox from the fact that it
is the initial of words representing the
things and qualities in which men take
the most delight For instance: Wealth,
wit. wisdom, ar, wine and women, in
Guiding wives widows, and--in the Ian
euage ofthe waggish Weller virgins"
An application was recently made to
the Land Department Of the Illinois
Central Railroad Company. by gente>
man from the interior Of the state. for
half an acre of ground for school pur-
poses. The terms were promptly given,
am were accepted in the fol)wing form:
E" Whc the directors of this dishck are
willing to except your ofuier Cor said
peace Of land for seholhouse site" This
was considered a sufficient guarantee that
a schoolhouse was needed in that vicinity.
"A good story is told of rustic youth
and buxom country girl, who sat facing
each other at a husking party. The
youth smitten with the charms of the
beautiful maiden, only ventured sly
look, and now and then touching Patty's
foot under the table. The girl determ
med to make the youth express what he
appeared so warmly to feel, bore with
these advances little while in silence.
when she cried out " Look here, if you
love me, why don't you say SO, but don't
dirty my stockings"
IMpUDENr QUESTIONS To ask an un
married lady how old she is.
To ask lawyer if he ever told lie
To ask doctor how many persons he
has killed.
To ask minister if he ever did any>
thing wrong.
To ask merchant if he ever cheated
a customer.
To ask young lady whether she would
like to have beau.
To ask an editor the name of any of
his correspondents.
A hungry Irishman, not long since;
in London. mistaking a BARRIERS shop for
an eating saloon, bolted in and begged to
be served The barber, suppo.ing from
the length of his beard that he wished to
be shaved, knocked up basin Of suds,
and placed it before him, with wash
ball ia it, went backward to get Il Q razor
Pat. without Whiting foe grace. supped in
tbe suds. and swallowed the wash ball
aud on the BARRIERS returning with tie
razor 60 Is observed, There's no occa
si6n fot knife honey yoprsoup is very
good. but the turpip was not quite boiled
enough 50, paying his money, be bade
he astonished barber adieu.