The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1866-05-05
WIT AND WISDOM.

u A-ND
SELF-coScEIT il about AZ uncomfortable
seat as man can have Gor a steady thing
/ AN old bachelor says the most dit auit
surgical operation is to take the jaw out "
a woman.
Ir Is said that one Of the proofs " the III
surrection Of Jamaca was, that a great Iaany
negroes were ''riding around the county
looking black"
"PA," said lad to his father, II oftau
read Of people poor but honest; why don't
they say rich but honest?n
Tut, tut, my son." said the father, "no-
body would believe them"
4 A MERCHANT being asked 10 define the
meaning Of experimental aud natural phiias-
ophy, said lie considered the first To be ask
ing man to discount bill at q long date,
and the second his refusing to do il.
WHEN you eat an orange i'll the street put
the peel in your pocket; It has an agreeable
smell, and when dry viii light a fre. Nv
this use Of the orange peel, il will never
cause a fall OF break limb.
THE question, does getting drunk ever ai
vance ones happiness would seem 20 De
put 20 rest BY the Irishman who went court
| ing when drunk, and was asked what pleas
ure he found in whisky 20, Nelly, fs
trste intIrely to see two Of your swate purity
faces instead Of one"
Fellow having imbibed rather freely.
took it into his head that lie coul liz. and,
Y yet good position, ascended sign post
and started. liz was asked nes day ~ w
hoy he liked flying. 90 said he, fits
nothing to hy, the lighting y the hardest
part OF the operation"
\ a GENTLEMAN ct the opera, the other night.
m sounding the praises Of a new opera glass
which ne had just purchased, said, "Mhy,
bless your soul, it brings the ladies' WI TIC
/ opposite side of the house 50 near that can
smell the musk Oil their -handker-
chiefs, and hear the beating Of their dear liz
tle hearts,
A LiTTLt keen, bright-eyed girl W four
years, On a visit one evening. was beiu.
helped % the knee Of a gentleman friend.
and on being told by her mother that she
was too large baby to hold, retcrtcd vi
most Immediately, accompanying her words
with an emphatic gesture, "Mhy, girls nine
teen years old lit On laps, ana you wouldn't
call them babicS, would YOU Z"
hN orator w appealing IVY the "bone rud
sinew," said :-"My fricnds-l am proud %
See around ne to-night the hardy vgornsury
toi the land, for love the agricultural ~
terests of the country and Well may love
them, fellow citizens, for | wa born 4
farmer the happiest davs Of my youth were
spent In the peaceful avocations oF thv son w
the soil Ii may be allowed 10 use
hEuratiye expression, my friends may saY
l vas raised between two rows w c1ra.'
"A pumpkin, by thunder D" excamed an
inebrated chap, just IN front ~ the stag.
/ SIGNIFICANT The tailors Of London and
England are on a strike for higher wlges.
The employers sent to France, Germany and
Belgium fyI women to take the places WI thc
old hands. But in every town on tue con-
unent VI Europe the employers agents were
confronted with associations that synpa-
thised with the London iourneymen, and
not man would be found to take the eNorbI-
tant wages offered by the employers, tempo
rarily, " break down their men.
We commend this fact and the lesson Il
teaches to the thoughtful considerau Ju of
the whole body Of American workmen
Tue naval feet Of the Spauiaris have
bombarded the important Chilian seaport "
Valparaiso, destroying from $l2, ,OO0,0 to
$20,UUJ,U0O worth Of buildings and other
property, much of which belonged to British,
American and other foreign residents The
city had no means of defense, not gun nor
a vessel The Spanish war ships poured
their missiles into the very heart of THE de-
fenceiess city for over three hours Ii VAS
wanton and barbarous assault upon de-
fenceleSs town. There were British, United
States and French war vessels there, hut
they refused to interfere, though those u the
I United States and France would have done
70 II he British Admiral had jo.ued them,
which no declined 10 do
FACT WoRTH PRINrISa.-At second
class hotel in Frankford, Ky, few DAYS
since, little girl entered the bar-room. Mid
IN pitiful tones, told the bar-keeper that
her mother had sent her there to get eight
cents.
Slight cents" said the bar-keeper.
ssYes, sir" said the child.
''What does your mother want with eight
cents don't owe her anything"
"Well," said the child, ''father spends All
his money here for rum, and we have moth
ing TO eat to-day. Mother wants To buy
loaf of bread"
loafer suggested to the bar-keeper to
kick the brat out.
'sNo," said the bar-keeper, '1'll give her
mother the money and II her father ever
comes back here again I'll kick him OUT
Such o circumstance never happened be-
fore and may never happen again.--Ilu-
manity owes that bar-keeper, q vote Of
thanks.
An OLD Mans ADVIcE.-Never attempt to
strike the guilty where, by the misdrected
or too hasty blow, the innocent, the gallant,
and the good may suffer. Never attempt to
expose villain If your eforts in 30 doing
are likely to injure those who have been the
unsuspecting dupes Of his artifce. Never
wager more than you carry in your pocket.
Never shake hands witha man il YOU are
not really glad to seehim. Neser forgeI,
when you meet, to recognize your friends,
and be even more careful to offer your sAln-
taticns to those that are poor. Never run
extrayagantly into debt, for it is the by path
which leads to moral destruction Never
quarrel without a sufficient cause, but If il
be necessary that you do take up quarrel,
tnen see that you quarrel firmly TO AID end.
Nefer betfay the condolences Of any one, but
particularly that Of woman.