The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-11-20
NJ, c,,n-noy .eRridget, where's

i
the gridironin San sure ma'am, rs
Just after giving it to my sisters own
cousin, Bridget O'Flaherty; the thing Is
SO full of holes it is no good at all"
At R. there is debating society,
at which are decided all matters of pith
and moment. At one time an educa-
tional subject was on the floor. Con-
corning the irregular attendance at
school, one member held the following
views: "Many parents hare no children,
and don't know whether they are at
school or not"
A certain green customer, who was a
stranger to mirrors, and who stepped in
to the cabin of one of our ocean steam
ers. stepping in front of n large pier
glass which he took for a door, said:
81 say, mister, when does this boat
starti'
Getting no reply from the dumb re-
Election before him, he again repeated:
II say, mister, when does this here
boat start!'
Receiving no answer, he said:
$50 to thunder! you sassafras-colored
blockhead; you don't look is though you
knew mucn anyhow.
A good joke on L'Africaine is going
the rounds of the English press: Mile
Sass played Zelika, in the "Africaine' ut
the Paris Opera, and, as it was getting
late, she was afraid of not being able to
catch the last train for Enghien, where
she resides, SO she resolved not to I'M
dress, and threw cloak over her Indian
costume, and jumped into the train At
ST. Dems the train stopped, and man
entered the compartment where she was
sleeping, and the train had scarcely
started when this individual suddenly
pulled the alarm bell and vociferated as
loud as he could that he was shut up
with a wild woman. The train was
stopped, and the guard went into the
carriage and found Mile Sass quietly
sleeping in corner. Everything was
explained, and every one who heard of
the incident laughed heartily.
A tall, raw-boned Yankee was riding
dimunitive specimen Of the donkey
tribe through the muddy streets of Goth
am; and the animal being very stubborn,
Jonathan found it quite difficult TO i'll
duce him to accelerate his pace.
He used the persuasive eloquence of
hickory stick, however, and at each
blow he would drawl ont, sect up, Bo-
nypart; get up say
A little Frenchman, in passing, heard,
with rage, the name of his illustriOus |
countryman applied to the ugly beast,
and commenced heaping q vollcy of
abuse on the head of the offending Yam
kee.
"Sair,' shouted the Gaul, "vot for you
sail call dat ugly beast Napoleon Sair,
/ shall have re grande satisfactionp
"Git up, Bonypart!" was the only re-
sponse.
"Sacre. monsieur, sair, | say what
for you sail call dat vagabone horse Ma
poleon~
"Git up, Bonypart"
Here the Frenchman's rage boiled over,
and stamping his feet upon the pave
ment, he screamed:
"Oh, sail have &c grandc satisfaction.
| sail have Zerevenge. have one leetle
sheep dog ut my home; | go call him
Guillaume Washington"
MAHOGANY OFFER OF MAIRIAGE.-A
in Switzerland writes the fol-
lowing:
In one apartment of Il carriage were
only two people, Il man and woman. At
one of the stations Il hand was waved
from the window, and the bluShing face
IF the latter was seen with the signs of
rreat distress. The conductor answered
Ter signal and runs to the side of the
ar.
"Oh. the miserable fellow, to insult an
female. Would you believe
hat Monsieur had the impudence to say
o me"
Here a hurst of tears and sobs checked
Ter voice.
"Well, madam, what did he sayf BE
Iuiet, if yon please, for the train isready
o start"
ale said-he s-s-said that lie would
rive a mahogany bureau if ! would
gree to MN marry him. Oh, the vii
ain the r-r-rascal! Mon dieu' Non diea!
Won dieu"
"You can make n complaint against
lin if you WISH" said the guard, akinS
,ut his tablets and preparing to take
lown an elaborate description of persons
md places, when he was not little dis
,omiited to hear the fair traveller re-
mark, in an under tone, rs if speaking
TO herself:
.Oh, the brute! mahogany! If it had
only been rosewood, now Thereupon
the conductor shut up his papers and
left the plaintiff to finish her ease as
H. Ill