Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-04-26
FUN, FACTS AND FACETIE.

HooP-skirts, like gun-barrels, are not
dangerous unless they have something in them.
But when the former are charged-powdered,w wad-
ded, and waterfall caped-they should be handled
with the greatest caution. In many instances it
is dangerous to even look at them.
THOUGHT AT A WEDDING-BREAKFAsT.--T
bridal reign (bridle-rein) begins with bit in the
mouth.
s..-Bachel0r.-A dandy-lion run
to seed in a garden beautiful flowers The ingraf-
ted crab-tree of humanity.
Leter.-ConversatiO with the pen.
4i5otm.-A drawing-room man-trap set by young
ladies.
S,ugeom-A skillful workman who repairs the
damages made by the wear and tear OF the machl-
merry Of life
An ills that oft must be endured
When i'll are wanted TO be cured.
Woman.-An essay grace, in one volume, ell
egantly bound.
Ge,dl5mlan.-A manual of good manners boundin
cloth.
Old lad-A quiver full of arrows with no bow
(beau) attached.
Uu-WisdOm masqueradng.
Hedrt,-The best card IN the chance game of Mat
rimony; sometimes overcome by diamonds and
knaves often won by tricks and occasiOnlly
treated in a shuttiing manner, and then cut alto
gether.
EPTTAPH on 4 TOMBSTONE IN ENGLAND.
Our life is but q winters day.
Some only breakfast and away,
Others to dinner stay, and are full fed,
The oldest man but sups, and goes to bed
Large is his debt, who fingers out the day,
Who goes the soonest, has the least to pay.
An OPEN Question: Urchin. Ma, if
white peoples made of dust, amt colored people
made OF coal-dust"
"MA, I've struck ansoil spring r'exclaim-
ed young hopeful, the other day, as he dipped
slice OF bread into the gravy bowl.
a VERY worthy Minister, settled not
hundred miles from metropolis was one Sun
day morning descanting upon the Importance of
plain speaking. 'Why, my hearers" said he,
''St Paul never used any highfalutin expressions.
No; he always spoke plain Anglo-Saxon! y
Mrs. Partington asks, very Indignantly,
if the bills before Congress are not counterfeit,
why there should be so much difficulty in passing
them?
4 rather profane charch-goer of n. Y
city, one day asked his clergyman what the
meaning Of the passage in the Psalms, He clothed
himself with curses as with a garment 1.-The
meaning" replied the clergyman, lis plain enough;
l think that the man, like you, had habit of
swearing"
A TRUE picture of despair is pig reach
ing Though a hole in the fence to get cabbage
that lies few inches beyond his reach.
An Irishman lost his hat in well, and
was let down in a bucket to recover it the well
being Deep and extremely dark withal, his courage
! failed him before he reached the water. In vain
! did he call to those above to pull him up they
lent deaf ear to all he said til at last, quite in
! despair he beloved out: BE ST. Patrick, If you
don't draw me up, sure I'll cut the rope
A BOY was caught in the act of stealing
| L.. ;,,f fOfo he 9th
was locked up in dark closet by the grocer. Then
| the boy commenced begging most pathetically for
release and after using all the persuasons that his
young imagination could invent, proposed Now
| if you'll let me out and send for my daddy, he II
pay you for the berries, and HEX me besides Inns
appeal was too much for the grocery man to stand
! out against.
A country editor received a severe
'shoist" by treading on a fragment of an orange
peel in the CITY, and commenced series OF letters
to his journal, headed My trip on the Rhine"
A fashionable hut ignorant lady, desirous
of purchasing a watch was shown a very beautiful
one the shop-keeper remarking that it went thirty
six hours ''What in one day." she asked,
PEovERB1A1 EPIGRAM.
Pride, like a Wild unbroken colt,
Its rider overthrOws
But he who walks in humble suit
Securely onward goes
Western paper suggests as an I'M
provement in Bibles the preparation OF n leaf Oh
two in the 'family record for divorces.
The turkey burst its confinement while
roasting, and the stufng escaped to the terror Of
the Hibernian damsel left to watch ii, who ran tc
tell her mistress .Ma'aml" she screamed, come
down and see the turkey; It's browning nicely, but
, some of the consalements is Dustin out!
A disclosure which can only be made IL
words certainly "tending to breach OF peace
. One Irishman disclosing his religion to another.
If police officer is after you, the best
thing YOU can do is to lock the door and then Dol
,, yourself.
al don't miss my church so much as you
I suppose, said lady to her minister, who had
called upon her during her illness, for | make
Blddy sit at the window as soon as the bells oegil
to chime, and tell who are going to cn1reh anu
whether they have got any thing new on