Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1866-02-14

Keith, With dignity, "whatcan do lory you p
x Nothing, guess. Marm sent me over
to see if you-that is--it the mistress OF the
house wouldetake care of the baby while she
goes shopping,"
to fry.",
The boy put his thumb to his nose, and
Mr.. Keith after slamming the dsor-as, men
always do when, they are out of temper-re.
turned to the kitchen. The fire was out, and
the room decidedly smoky. ..----,-- ,---,--;-
"Tll 90 down, cellar and bring up some
coal, said he, and started briskly down the
stairs. Onthe second aep he put his foot
through q rip in his dress skirt-stumbled and
fellto the bottom of the cellar-smashing q
basket of eggs, and knocking over shelf
loaded with pans Of milk.
-" Deuce take it," exclaimed he, scrambling
to his feoty and rsbbingshis' head, "how do
the Womon manage with these internal long
dresses shall break my neck Eith this sct!'
The fire madeagain, Mr. Keith bethoust.t
him of, dinner. He looked at his time piece;
it WIS one o'clock. t;lmcst time for callers.
Ehst.should he have for dinner? .Hehud
heapd.his wife say that's rice Pudding and
boiled pststoes, and breiled steak,
He filled the basin with rice, stirred in a
little sugar, dropped in an egg, and set the
vessel into the oven. The potatoes be washed
in soapsuds, that they certainly might be
clean, and put them into the teskettle, be-
cause they would boil quicker.
The steam was friz4ing in the fryiugpan,
and he was proceeding to sst the table, when
the bell rang. ..4, -.
lie caught up the pan from the fre-to
keep it from burning-aad made haste to the
front door, Then he remembered it would
not be just the thing to goto the door with a
frying pan in his hand, so>he deposited it on
the parlor sofa, and ansBered the ring.
Mrs. DR.. Nudge was on the steps, dressed
in her best.
p "Yes-I, dare say," stammercd Keith,
"my wife is absent and lam playing Bridg-
ct. Walk in"
Mrs. Nudge sailed into the parlor, which
wss dsrkened to exclude the sun, and without
stopping 10 leok at her seat, sunk into the
frying pan On thessfa.
:" Jupiter" cried Mr.. Ksi!h, "you have
done it, now !"
Mrs. Nudge eprang up;. tho grease drip
ping from the rich silk on the carpet. Her
face grew dark. She was tempted to-say
something cutting, but managed to control
herself; bowed haughtily, and swept out OF
the house.
Keith returned to the kitchen little crest
fallen, for Mrs. Nudge was lady before
whom he desired to appear particularly we'll.
There was tremendous. cracking in the
oven. He thought of his pudding, and looked
in. Tie burnt rice bad hoped all over the
oven; the basin had melted apatt, and the
pudding was not done. He shut the door
upon the ruins in disgust, aad looked after
the potatoes only to 1iud them boiled to 8
perfect jelly.
And Just as he made tue discoyeEy there
was q sharp peal at the door bell. II
"Crea.ionl there's that aboninablc bell
again. yish folks would stay at homel I'll
lock oil the doors, and cut all the bell wires,
after today,
At the door be found Mr.. apd Mrs. Fidget
ard their children:
"My dear Mr.. Keith how do you do?"
cried Mrs. Fidget. "We were in town, and
thought we'd just step into dinner. Where
is Mrs. iAclth {!
"Shcs gone away" said Keith, ruefuly,
wondering what he should feed on; walk
10 do. Lam the bousekecpe today"
eyes sofT should Judge. But of courre
you make splendid one. remember you
used to be frequently telling Mrs. Keith and
myself how very easy housekeeping must be.
1t must be nero play to yeu. Don't put
yourself out, beg
"Put myself, indeed" cried Keith, retreat.
ing to the kitchen. "Good gracious whas
shall do? "a give hundred dollars if
Mary was only here Where shall begin 2"
): IIe drew out the table and set 1t without
any clolh then took of the plates and put
OH q cloth, the very one he had wiped the
dishes on The task completed, he put. on
some more potatoes and some more steak !;
buried the steak to cindcr; took Of his
potatoes when he did bis meat, and put all
upon the table. There was = loaf Of bakers
bread in the cupboard he paraded that, and
called his g1ss.e-to dinner.
A. A.quizzical smile spread over Mrs. Fid-
gets face at-the tsight-of tho repast. Keith
was in a cold -perspration.
ana, my plates all greasy, aud sos my
knife. Lcan't eat on dirty dishes, ";cricd lit
tie Johnny Fidget. Z. ~
"And my fork, is wet all over With water
that's dropping eff the table. cloth and my
tater ain't half billed" cried little Jane Fidget
A slight noise in the Kitchen drew the OF
teutionof Mr.. Keith.
"Jupitsrl" Dried he, g if Mrs O'Flaherty's
dog amt neking Of with my steakl"
{ BE Jumped frsn,the table and. started in
Lot pursuit.. The dog made the best of it; /;
Keith's usaccsstomcd attire vas a sad draw
back, ard he made but little headway.
y" Kill him." he yelled to the crowd that
joined in the pursuit; "I'll give fifteen dol
lars for his, s,hide,D. r{<
sIfrs. 9'Flaherty herself appeared on the
scene with skillet Of hot water.
isTech him-if yer dare T. abe cried. NI'll
break the, bones Of cvery mothers son Of
.yees.. Stand from fornius!, or yell rue the
day." s 81
Keith took astep forward, stepped on his
skirt. and pitched head first into wine eel
lar, where half dozen men we're playing
cards. .. 3rs-~s
iaThc devil in petticoats r exclaimed one
ga,ncster, and the place emptied quicker than
a wink. ~ -"
The police picked up Ae. Keith, consider
ably bruised, and carried him hene. Els
company had taken their departure, and
scinebodyfnoth having 4he fear ofthe law upon
them, had entered asd stolen a hRndred dol
lars, worth Of property. ,..4
Mr. Keith sent the following note to, his
wife by the evening mail: o,c.,.
r Dcta MAsf :-Uoma, home ] give up
beat. A .weniaa does hare = grsrt deal to do.
I confess myself iacempeteat to manage.
Co1ae bome,- and you ishnlf have, a'aew silk
dress, and q daughter of Erin.to divide your
labers Yours, disconaolatcly,
= ''s H. KEITH.