The weekly Butte record., 1866-07-07
Hard on Regular Drinkers."

der the new Excise Law lately passed
by the Legislature of that State, man
who feels "a little faint about eleven
A. Nj. e., ga little dry"-is requir-
ed to furnish the landlord Of his favor
lite inn with testimonials as to habits,
moral character, ETC., etc.; and in the
event Of said testimonials not proving
satisfactory to the innkeeper, the
would-be customer is obliged to swal-
low his indignation instead Of his liq-
uor, and, if Of persevering turn, seek
an establishment where business is done
upon less conscientious principles.
The following is said to be fair sam
pie Of the way in which respectable
taverns now do business in Gotham:
SCENE, BAR-RooM OF HorEL.-
Enter Smyth, short young man !;
Jones, a heavy man; Robinson, a
red-faced man and Thompson; q
stability dressed man,
Smyth.-Come boys, what'll you
drink? Come, landlord, out with the
Otard, Bourbon, gin, etc. Pass the
rosy. Here, crowd round. All Bour-
bon-sour-know what's good.
Landlord-(eyeing the policeman
eutside). Young man, are you an ap-
prentice, or are you under eighteen
years Of age! If 60, we cannot with
due regard to duty and our interests
serve you.
Smyth indignantly - Prentice {!
eighteen! Curse your impudence,
am twenty-five, and the father of
twins.
Landlord-Beg pardon, sir. We
have to be very strict, you know,
Mr..
Smyth.--Smyth-John Smyth.
Landlord-Ah, Smith takes up a
memorandum:book and reads, Mrs.
Mary Ann Smith has formally forbid
den us to sell to John Smith, her hus-
band. ITO Smyth]. Is your wife's
name Mary Ann?
Smyth in towering passion TO
be sure it is; but what of that =?
There are more Smyths in New York
than me (; and more Mary Ann Smyths
than my wife. Besides, it could not
be my wife. She would never do such
thing. Hang it, man! l am no topper.
Landlord don't know. We don't
care to lose our license for the sake of
the price Of a glass Of liquor. Rather
not sell to you, sir.
Smyth obstinately You old fool,
you; out with the bottle, and no more
palaver. How is the Smith and the
Mary Ann spelt in your book
Landlord-S-m-i-t-h and Mary
Ann.
Landlord (relieved)- us that so,
gentlemen? Well, Mr.. Smyth, par
don me. You will stand to your word
if there's any trouble! But sir, turn
ing to Robinson, whose pimply face
beams like a newly polished copper
kettle, do you not imbibe more than the
law allows!
Robinson, whose visage is perfectly
apoplectic-looking now, from shame
and excitement. No jokes on travel
ers, Mr.. Landlord. My pimples are
constitutional. If you insinuate that
| am habitual drunkard, III pull
your nose for you.
Landlord-Better have my nose pull
led than have myself pulled before
court.
Thompson-O, Robinson is teeto-
taller, except in cholera-time. I'll
swear it on the book. You need not
stare, landlord. It's as true as my
names Jack Thompson. a
All-That's SO, Landlord. Hurry
with the Bourbon.
Landlord-J. Thompson! CONSUL
ting his book All, here it is! Warn
cd by J. Thompson, junior, not to give
liquor to his father.
Thompson-Confound it, landlord,
you are darned old fool. I'm an old
bachelor.
Landlord-that's nothing. Your
son has warned us against you. The
law says nothing about bachelors being
exempt from warning by their children.
Thompscn-Has your Thompson a
p?
Landlord-No.
Thompson-Then | have. Fill up
that tumbler, and quick, too for am
choking with thirst and anger.
Jones, who shutters in his speech, and
whose hand trembles from palsy
Hurry up, land-l-l-lord. Times is
Unchanged. No such go-goings on
when was b-boy. spills the liquor
as he is lifting it to his mouth.)
Landlord-Stop-stop! you are in
soxicated. o, my license. You inter-
nal old whisky-swiller, why did you
not tell me you were intoxicated !
There's that policeman been watching
you since you came in, and III be re-
ported before an hour.
All protest that Jones is descent
elderly citizen, member of the church,
and the very approximation of abste-
mlOuSneSS.