The Van Buren press., 1866-05-12

other day in the story of a couple of rafts-
men. The event occurred during the big
blow on the Mississippi, a. which time 50
many RATS were swamped, and so many
steamboats, los: their sky-liggins. A raft
was just emerging from Lake Pepin as the
squall came. In an instant thcer raft was
pitching and writing as it suddenly drop
ped into Chary while the waves broke
over with tremendous uproar, and expect
ing instant destruction, the raitsman drop
ped on his knees and commenced praying
with vim equal to the emergency. Hap
pening to open his eyes an instant, he OBJ
served his companion not engaged in
prayer, but pushing pole into the water
by the side of the raft. What's that
yer doing, Mike ?" said he. "get down on
your knees, now, for there isn't a mint be-
tween us on Purgatory." "Be aisy, Pal"
said the other, as he coolly continued to
punch the water with the pole, I" be aisy,
now, what's the use Of praying when a
fellow can tech bottom with pole?' Mike
is pretty good specimen Of large class
of Christians. who prefer to omit prayer,
as long as they can tech bottom" ~
Last summer, Henry, n contraband
paid visit to the city of Philadelphia,
and on his return to the army was in the
habit of giving daily account of the Won
ders he had seen in that place. One NOR
ming his master happened to ask him if he
had been to the theatre during his absence.
"Oh, yes, sah," was the reply :" lse
been to the theatre good many times.
Still l don't like the theatre rs well as the
opera"
This was said with o sentimental air
that reflected infinite credit on the speaker.
~"Do you admire the opera very much :?
said the lieutenant
"Very much, indeed" answered Henry.
II goes every night when lpossibly can. y
(Which sort Of pieces do you like best,
the German or the Italian 2" was the next
HDon't know, sah," was the answer ;
"but l always likes that kind of pieces
where de young lady jumps through de
hoops" e.,
1t was evident from this, that Henry
had confounded the circus with the opera
"A Weardale doctor was recently
summoned to a cottage at Harwood, in
Tcasdalc, England and found boy patient
in need Of his services.
"Put out your tongue" said the doc
The boy stared like an owl.
"My good boy repeated the doctor
"let me see your tongue.
"Talk English, DOCTOR" said the mo-
ther and then turning to her son, I" she
"Hopen thy gobbler, and push out thy
loliker,"'Jy re-s,a,. 4-.r .,.t
The lad rolled out his tongue instantly
a---- "Widow mournful, what on airtl
are you thinking about ?" ~
"Nothing else in the world but my
dead husband lie was such devoted
man,-always bringing home his little
kindness to me. ! couldn't help thinking
lust now, when heard Mrs. Browns sas-
sigcs Sizing, about what poor Mr.. Mourn
fhlused to bring me. He knowd l was
fond Of sassiges, and he hardly eversom-
enyer came home in his life without fetch.
ing me sassigc in his pocket lie was
very fond Of eggs himself, and would oc-
kasionally fetch few Of them for himself
But he was always sure TO lay q sassige on
the table, Never laid his eggs there--ney.
never'd think Of em and sometimes IL
ask, "Simon, where's your cggs?" JUS
as like as not he'd been settin' ON EN-