The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1866-09-08
9Misrellat1ep1ls.
FOR A WIFE.
A Mail Agents story.

ADVERTISING FOR A WIFE.
A Mail Agents story. @
1t is now some two or three weeks since young
gentleman entered the Office of Special Agent
of the Post Office Department in one of our large
cities, and announced that he had serious case
of mail depredations to report which he would
like to have Investigated Immediately. Being re-
quested to give the particulars of the matter, ne
produced from his pocket letter addressed to
himself. and post marked with o small town in
the State of Pennsylvania. The envelope bore
unmistakable evidence of having been opened and
re-sealed and the address was in lady's hand
writing. ssg Mt4g
faThere, SIR" said he, carefully removing the
letter, and handing the envelope to the agent for
inspection, ''that ERE letters been robbed by
some post office thief Of twenty-six dollars Now
want you to catch him and put the screws to
him-give him ten years at least. i don't care
for the loss of the money tit is singular by the
way. how sublimely Indifferent to pecuniary con-
sderations most people are who prefer these COM
plants, but I'd like to see the rascal caught"
Now the Agent having had considerable previ-
Gus experience in the investigation OF cases OF
tsrifling,' was quite sensible that very necessa-
ry preliminary to such Investigations was
thorough knowledge of all the circumstances
connected with the affair, and after attentlvely
examining the envelope, which was literally be-
daubed with mucilage he observed:
''Well, sir, | will take the memorandum OF
your statement, and if it proves to be post
office thief as you say"
eff it does, sir Why who else can it be !?
Isn't the envelope to speak for itsef-hasn' it
evidently been torn open and gummed up AGAIN.
OF course it is post-office thief-any one can
see that"
probably, sir, but don't see it just yet
Re GOOD enough to let me know the name of the
writer of this letter. $50
The young man hesitated, and at once his man
ner became confused and nervous.
cpd rather not if it's all the same, sir it's
young lady, and there are peculiar circumstan-
ces about the case-and-in short, don't want
her name mixed up with it,
'sBut it will be absolutely necessary, in order
to make proper investigation, that should
know her name Without it, | cannot under
take to do anything in the natter
The gentleman still sought for some time to
avoid giving the name of his fair friend, but at
last announced it as Miss Emily Melville. Other
questions followed, as to the circumstances
which led to the enclosure of the money,
etc.. to which the complainant answered in an
evasive, shutting way-evidently trying to con-
ceal something of which he was secretly asham-
ed. Perceiving that the investigation was likely
to make but slow progress while conducted IN
this fashion, the agent observed ay!si
s'MY friend my time is too precious to waste
in drawing information from you with cork
screw, and you may as we'll make up your mind
either to OF We me clear and unreserved account OF
this transaction or to go elsewhere with your
grievance. Now, please tell me why Miss Mel
Vile sent YOU Cor tried to send to you) this
money "a
ssTo ray for some broadcloth for cloak. I'll.
(Which You were to purchase for her = :.
Eyes that is which had purchased for her !"
ooh, | see-the young lady was probably here
visiting, and being temporarily out offunds your
gallantry forced her to accept loan--eh =
"Weli, no, not exactly. The fact is, sent the
goods to her by express at her own request.
HAnd of course, being an old friend }r
'fNo, not an old friend, precisely"
IA relative then :? 4
mo"
ssAn, see, something nearer and dearer p
ssWell, yes, said the youth with shipper,
and nervously swinging his hat by the rim as ne
gazed modestly on the floor, were lov--engag-
ed, mean" ,,,o, o., ),
q No. sir-Pve had a letter from her since, and
she swears-I mean she's certaip--she put the
! money in" la.
Il Perhaps then, said the agent, striving to
express his suggestion in the least offensive way,
9. perhaps she omitted to inclose it.
stSir," exclaimed the fond lover, reused ny
| this insinuation, ," what do you mean There
is no doubt whatever, sir, that she sent the mon
ey. | would stake nay life on her honor:
I" Oh, very well, sir, excuse memo onence III.
tended, Pm sure But, you know | have NOT
| the pleasure Of the lady's acquaintance. by the
way, how long have you known her-a long Time
I presume" u .tsaiE =
The Young gentleman S embarrassment was Wis
ibly increased as he replied, About six months
4 Met her in Pennsylvania, ] suppose,
| t" Yes, that is, no. can say dld. 7aa
I" Where did you met her z
g Why, can't say exactly-dont kpo@ as
have met her at all, to tell the truth"
g Telling the truth seems to be work OF tlEae
with you.0 remarked the agent drily. '.NoW, II
Won will be good enough to give me light about
what you know Of this young lady whom you
| propose to marry, and upon whose honor you
are willing to stake your life, perhaps there may
be some prospect of getting at the facts OF the
| mysterious robbery, otherwise you need waste
| no more time in this peighborhood."
Well, ifyou must have II, here it is: You
see, about six months ago, Gust for fun, you
know advertised for wife, and this young lady
happened to advertise Cor a husband about the
same time, and we answered each others adver-
tisements. But then she was in earnest--all on
the square Oh, yes, continued he, observing
perhaps an incredulous smile on the countenance
of the agent, /" she was all right-wanted bus
band--wanted one bad. She was rather situat
ed in this way she hadn't got no father or
mother, and was under the charge of guardian
an old fellow about fifty, and she's worth about
twenty thousand dollars there his eyes glistened
covetously, J in her own right this guardian he
takes and puts her into boardingrschool, and
intends to force her into marrying him. She'd
rather have some young fellow, of course natu-
ral isn'tit? and so she takes and adyertises for
husband. So, as was saying answered her
advertisement, and she replied to my letter, and
so we got up correspondence. How, there ain t
no humbug about her can tell when girl Is
in earnest know she's all right the way she
writes. &c. about two weeks ago she says in a
postscript to one of her letters, wish You would
90 to Stewards and get me five yards of broad
cloath, and send it for a cloak, and will send
you the money just as soon as it comes, and don't
fail to let me know just how much it is, for
do not wish you to be at any expense for me. -
So went to Stewards and got the cloth, and
sent it by express and wrote to her and told her
it was twenty-six dollars, and then she put the
money into this letter, and some darned thiefin a
post office has gone and stole it that's all there
is about ii" zas losss sss Il
ooh, that'sall p said theagent, with difficulty
restraining the laughter which this piiful tale Of
love was calculated to provoke. " Well, sir,
there's no doubt that you are very much abused
individual and ifyou will call again in about
fortnight, think will be.able to giyeyou some
definite information in regardpto the matter. =
6 Thank you, sir only ~. that post-ofice
o,,1I IN cfnI