The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1866-10-11
srraps, Aatts and danfies.

: Srraps, Stats and 1aafles.
When lovers put their lips together
for kiss, they are presenting each other
with. bills of exchange.
= Tears are natures lotion Tor the
eyes. The eyes see better for being
washed with them.
How to keep on good terms with
creditors-pay them.
- Truth is the only lasting foundation
FOR friendship.
- Lady-An essay on grace, IN one
volume, elegantly bound.
Gentleman.-A manual of good man
ners, bound in cloth.
= -"You cruel mani w exclaimed Mrs.
Jones; 'my tears have no effect on you!
at ALL" "Well, drop them, my dear"
said Jones.
"Why is there difference 'twixt a
, watch and fedder-bed, Sam ?" "Dunno
gin it up." Because de tickin' oh de watch
is on de inside, and de ticken OBJ de fed
der-bed is on de outside"
- If there is anybody undcr the canis-
ter of heaven that l have in utter excres-
ence, says Mrs. Partington, it is the SIAN
der, going about like Boy constructor,
circulating his calomel upon honest folks.
- An illinois brriser, in describing a
gale of wind, said that white dog, while
attempting to breast the storm, was
caught with his mouth wide open, and
turned completely inside out
:, - Fashions continue to change with
unchanging changeability. For the cur
rent week the ladies are wearing their
dolls bonnets and other peoples hair
Next week it may be their dolls hair and
other folks bonnets,
- If we would have powerful minds
we must think; if we would have faithful
hearts, we must love; if we would have
muscles, we must labor; and these three
thought, love and labor-include all that
is valuable in life.
aI never 90 to church," said coun-
try tradesman to his parish clergyman; Il
always spend Sunday in settling accounts" !"
The minister Immediately replied: "You
will find the Day of Judgment will be
spent in the same way"
- 'sNow, gentlemen" said Sheridan
60 his guests, as the ladies left the room,
sitet us understand each other. Are we
to drink like men or beasts?" Somewhat
indignant, the guests exclaimed; Like Like
men, of course" "Then," he replied, "we
arc going to get jolly drunk, for brutes
never drink more than they want"
A gentleman praising the personal
charms Of o very plain woman in the pres
ence of Foote, the latter said, "And why
don't you lay claims to such an accom-
plishei beauty?" "What right have 1 to
her 2" exclaimed the gentleman. "Every
right, by the law of nations" replied
Foote; s'every right, as the first discover
en-"
"A gentleman who took young lady
to Niagara was obliged to bring her home
Immediately, because she was jealous OF
Niagara's waterfall.
When Daniel Webster was young
man. about commencing the study law,
lac was advised not to enter the legal pro
fession, for it was already crowded. His
reply was, "There is room enough at the
"A young lady once asked a member
of her class who made him. Upon his
confession of ignorance on that subject,
she tried to shame him by pointing to
very small boy who was aufait ON the ru-
diments, but was taken aback when he re-
Piled: "Think he oughter; he don't look
ike he's been made more than three
weeks, and hain't had time to forget
where he come from"
- a few days since o gentleman called
npon some lady friends, and shown into
Aba ,,arlor hy a servant girl. She asked
him what name she should announce, and
he, wishing to take thcm by surprise, re-
piled, "Amicus," CA friendly The girl
seemed first little puzzled, but quickly
regained her composure, and, in the bland
est manner possible, observed, "What
kind ofa cuss did you say, sir2"
- That. was an affectionate daughter
who. when purchasing some mourning
goods was asked if there had been death
in the family, and replied, "No, not ex-
actly, but 1 expect the old lady will &c
under in about a week, and l thought ]
would have my mourning ready"
An inquisitive genius wants to know
whether Brigham Young, on losing one
of his wives, can be considered widower
: and if so, to what extent.
A little girl of three years, very fond
of her boy playmates, was repeating hel
prayers after her aunt. When she came
to the close she exclaimed: "Auntie
don't say 'A-men,' say 'A-boys!"
FREAKS OF THE Cows.-The Cincinnati
Herald tells the following, which is doubt