The Evansville journal. [volume] (Evansville, Ind.) 1866-1870, 1866-11-19
HUM O r o U S

A wag says Of woman: "To her
virtue we give love; TO her beauty, adj
miration; and TO her hoops, the
whole pavement"
What is the difference between a
summer dress in winter and an ex-
tracted tooth? One is too thin and
the other tooth out
Why is a policeman like a good CO
nundrum? Because you must look
sharp 10 find him out.
Mike" said bricklayer to his
hoffman, if yon meet Patrick, tell
him TO make haste, as we are waiting
for him" Sure and | will, " replied
Mike, !" but what will ! tell him if |
don't mate him.
BAD News FOR UNMARRIED LADIES.
Among the new inventions is but
ton which is fastened 10 cloth without
thread. 1t is said to consist solely of
button with a wire to be inserted
into the cloth like a cork-screw, and
then pressed down fat, 80 as to form a
ring to hold the button to its place.
AS this invention will enable men to
keep the buttons on their shirts, it is
calculated TO do away with wives
altogether.
A PROMPT MAN" Aunty," said a
sentimental nece TO a bereaved wild
ow, now you're prosperous and
welI-to-do, let us get some pretty
| tombstones for good Uncle Daniels
you know he has none at his grave. =
Aunt Keziah lifted up her hands and
emphasized this touching expression
Jane, if they want anything OF Dam
iel at the Judgment, they can find
him without guideboard tell
you he'll be there in timel
RATHER DIFFERENT.-A Russian
serf goes TO confess. All! dear
father" he says, l have stolen some
pigeons
Pigeons! and what did you do
with them? Where are they"
"They are lying in that corner"
" Let them lie there, and the con;
lessor lays penancc on him and
confscates the pigeons. And the
next time the peasant confesses:
Il love pretty girl, and she has
not proved unkind to me-
What pretty grill What is hel
name? Where is she
"Oh, no, dear father; that is mo-
like the pigeons" a
An Ohio stumper, while making |
} speech, paused in the midst OF it, anC
exclaimed: aa
Now gentlemen, what do yo'
think?"
Instantly man rose in the assem-
bly,. and, with one eye partially closed
modestly replied:
, 81 think, sir, | do, indeed, sir,
think if you and | were to stump thu
country together, we would tell mor'
lies than any other two men in tn
country, sir, and I'd not say wore
{ myself during the whole time, sir. !"
: The principal Of public schoo
has been sending circulars to the par
, ents, asking for written authority {,
: infict such punishment, corporal o
!, otherwise, as may in his Judgment b
9 proper" The following answe
: proves that one of the parents, a
! least. was pleased with the idea;
Il Dear Sir-Y our fogging cirklar
? duly received. / hopes, as to my SUI
John. you will fog him jus so ofte
d ms YOU like. Hees bad boy is join
i Although I've been in the habit @
teaching him miself, It seems to m
a he will never larn anithink-h his spell
: lin is specially ottragusly defieien
WalIup him well, sur, and you will re
ceave my hearty thanks.-Y ours
Moses Walker. p. Swat account
y for j ohm being SIGH bad secular
. that he's my sun by my wife's firt
a husband"
: A CAROLINA DEMONSTRATION fc
I, work and labor done in cutting a ditto
% on defendants land. Plea paymcr
); and set-off, in bacon and corn meal.
Is Plaintiffs son on the stand, reco
n y lects the ditching perfectly, but seen
l. to forget all about the bacon. y l'ln
"You say your daddy did all tn
a ditching?, Do you know what he g
= for it? inquired the attorney for ii
A. defendant. soU6l a8I 1si 4. u
es HE got nothing for it, as / eve
y heard of, that's what he never got
to answered the witness. a8H va n
Didn't your daddy get corn az
a. bacon from defendant in pay f
=, ditching2p a .s. ~
Re Re "Never heard Of his getting no col
@ nor bacon .s-..-4,,.
1e e"What did your daddy and faml
- live on last summer
"Vittles mostly" sd
ny "What sort of victualsY
g swell, meat and bread, and son
IL whisky" ah5
70 Where did you get that meat al
Is is bread?"
g "Well, just from one and then fro
the other"
- Didn't he get some of it from d
,H. fendant?"
3. ale mought." -,
II know he mought; but did h
> thot'u the nuestion !"