Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1866-12-14
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WHAT did Jack Frost say when he wooed
the violet? WI thou.
Why is a seamstress like a pickpocket
Because she cuts and TlHS.
BETTING is immoral but how can man who
bets be worse than one who is no better?
GooD audience for an auctioneer-tuy
ISLANDERS.
Why is your nose in the middle Of your
face Because its ascenter.
NEVER confde secrets to your relatives
blood viii tell.
WHAT is better than presence Of mind in
railroad accident? Absence of body.
WHEN is literary work like smoke? When
comes in volumes.
WHEN may loaf Of bread saidto be inhab-
tied When it has little Indian it.
AFFEcroyArE times-when everything is
as dear as it can be.
IL what color should a secret be kept? "In
violet"
'IHAvE passed through great hardships,'
as the schooner said. after sailing through
feet of iron-c lads.
A WEsTFaN paper says that the grasshop-
pers have destroyed everything in the Deer
Lodge Valley except the ''grass-widows.'
A WlDowER who wishes to marry again
must get his departed wife beautiful mouu
ment. This succeeds invariably
II a bigamistwas sentenced to live with his
two wives in the same house, the crime
would soon become extinct.
Why do sbirds in their little nests agree?'
Because they'd fall out if they didn't.
SoME philosopher advises the girls not to
marry blacksmiths, because they all have
hardened rices.
PADDY, said a joker, "why don't you get
your ears cropped-they are entirely too long
for a man p ''And yours, replied Pat,
fought to be lengthened-tRey are too short
for an ass"
The best toast of the season was, we think,
given by a printer; viz, "Woman--the fairest
WORK in all creation. The edition is large,
and no man should be without a copy"
IT is thought dangerous thing to board
man of war: but we have known, says an
exchange, fifty soldiers, each man of war,
boarded by a single landlord-but he was a
host.
A coTENPoRARY says that if half the young
ladies of his acquaintance were to wipe their
faces in their han dkerchiefs, it is more than
likely their good looks would go to the wash
erwoman.
''WHAT is the difference twixt watch and
a fedder bed, Sam ?'' Dunno, gin it up
''Bekase de ticken oh de watch is in de in
side, and de ticken OBJ de fedderbed am on
de outside va! va
A FELLOW coming out of a tavern one fros-
ty morning, rather top heavy, fell the
door step, trying to regain his footing he re-
marked: 'Ifit be true that the wicked stand
on slippery ground, must belong to differ
ent class, for it's more than / can do
A MAN was saying in company that he had
seen juggler place ladder, in open ground,
upon one end, and mount it by passing
through the rounds and stand upon the top
erect. Another who was present, said he
had no doubt of it, as he had seen man
who had done the same thing, but with this
addition, that when he arrived at the top he
pulled the ladder after him.
BEHOLD, my Flora, how glorious Nature
looks in her bloom The trees are filed
with blossoms, the wood is dressed in its
green livery, and the plain is carpeted with
grass and flowers"
''Yes Charles, was thinking Of the same
thing. These flowers are dandelions, and
when they are gathered and put into po
, with piece Of good fat pork they make The
: best greens in the world.
WHILE the Rebel Gen. johnson was march
( ing with his men 10 Bristoe Station, in tbs
= fall of 1888, he perceived one of his men ur
persimmon tree, aud called out to him q
o say there, what are you doing up there VIII,
e amt you with your regiment?'' ''I'm get
d ting simmons / am, said the soldier
. sPersimmons thunder They are not ripe
y yet. They are not fit 10 cat ayes, bu
el General, persisted the Confed, II am tryin,
6 TO draw my stomach up 10 suit the size Of m,
IS radons. lit stays as it now shall starYe.
ay The General had nothing farther to say, bu
Of rode on