The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1866-04-20
SPARE LINES.

summer morning? Because their little bills
are all over dew.
Why are gentlemen's love letters liable to e
astray? Because they are generally miss'di'
rected.
When was the largest amount OF beef.tea
consumed in England2 When Henry VIII.
dissolved the Pope's bull.
A man read tho Bible with moro affection
than devotion, speaking Of q railroad in Mis-
souri,, said sit belonged to the order of Melchise.
dec-it had no connections in this world"
A carpenter was employed by farmer and
rendered the following curious bill :-"Io
hanging two barn doors, and myself seven hours
one dollar and half"
"Aw, how dnth you like my mustathc, Mith
Laura2" lisped dandy to q merry girl. "oli'
very much-it looks like the iuzz on the back
.oI a caterpillar"
A correspondent in Havana writes that II nc
wanted to describe the Island OF Cuba in u aln'
Gle line he should call it, "Tho land OF the hca
and tho home of the slave
Virtue must be sought at any pricc and with
carnestncss and prosperity, modesty and with
recognition. To ask is to receive, when we ask
for real blessings.
NAPOLEON, in his solitude, is said to have
used the expression.
cable was I, ere saw Elba;"
which is the same spelled backward.
lie ia great simpeton who imagines that
the chief power OF wealth is to supply wants.
In ninety nine cases out of u hundred 1t creates
more wants than it supplies.
G. Hosaphat has plan for paying oft tile
National debt. Ills proposition is to convert
the entire Indebtedness into grecnbacks end
keep them in circulation until they naturally
wear out.
Bad luck Is frequently n man with his hands
in his breechcs pocket and pipe in his mouth,
looking to sce how it will come out. Good
luck is man of pluck to meet dillicnltics, his
sleeves rolled up, working to make it comc out
right.
A poor drunken loafer was picked up in the
street, by tho wutchrnan, when tho following
decision was made: There IL no scnSe in his
head, no cents in his pocket, but powerful
scent in his breath he was OF course sent to the
wa,chhouse.
Some papers having made tho statement that
butter should not be kept in room with kero'
sene oil, az tho kerosene would spoil the butter
.--riyinc it n peculiar Aavor-tlc Elnira Ad-
ycrtiser remarks that some of the huttcr-now-
a.dnys is enough to spoil kerosene!
A witty clergyman, accosted by nm old ac.
ouain,ance by the name Of Cobb, replied :-"l
don't know you sir" "AIy name Is Cobb"
reioined the man, who was about half seas-over
"Ah, sr," replied the clergyman, ''you have
80 much of the corn on you that | did not Bee
the eob.'
Two country attorneys, overtaking n wagon
er, with two span OF horses, and, thinking to
be witty Mt his expense. asked him, GLOW it
happened that his fortrdrd horses were SO lat,
and the rear oncs SD lean?' The WAGNER.
knowing them, answered, "rhat his fore span
were lawyers, and the other--clients.
A farmer wrote rs follows to distinguished
scientific agriculturist. to whom ho ielt under
obligations for introducing variety OF swine:
"Rtspcctcd Sir--I went yesterday to the cattle
show. found several pigs of your spccies.
There were great variety Of hogs, and was as-
tonshed at not seeing you there
During the examination OF witness as to
the locality Of the stairs in a house, the coun-
sci asked him (which way did the stairs
run" The witness replied: "Ono way they
run up stairs, hut the other way theyran down
stairs" The learned counsel winked his eyes,
and then took n look ut the ceiling.
New dictionary: - Greenbacks - United
States Treasury notes.
Graybacks-SOldiers in tho rebel service.
Observation-Disclosures drawing pay for hang
ing round hotels.
Gumbacks-United States postage stamps.
Comebacks-The counterfeit fifty cent notes
Thcopilus Cbber, who was very cxtravasant,
one day asked his father for u hundred pounds.
"Zounds, SIR" said Colly, "can't you liv upon
your salary? When was your age, never
spent iarthing of my fathers money. "But
you have spent great deal OF NV fathcr's,"
replied Thcopolus. The retort had the desired
effect.
A gallant old gentleman, by the name OF
Page, who was something OF rhymster, tind'
ing udy's glove ut u watering place, present.
cd it to her, with the following lines:
"If from your r,oye-you take the letter 2,
Your glove Is iOyc--whieh devote TO thee"
To which the lady returned the following
answer:
"If from your page-you take the letter y,
Your rage Is are-api that won't do for me-
In tho height Of mosquito time the little ras-
calls practiced their songs nightly. Ia the an
noyance of every one. While little girl, Et-
tic, about five years old, was bcins put to bed,
her mother said to her, "Ettic. you must nj
ways be good girl, and then at night, when
you are asleep, the angels will come and sing
and watch round your bed" "Oh, yes, ina.
said Ettie, ~ know that: heard them sing
ing all around my head last night, and scme OF
them bit me, too"
An auctioncer was ceiling library Mt nuc'
ton. lie was not very well read in books, but
he scanned the titles, trusted to luck, and went
ahead "Ilero you havc," he said. Bunyans
Pilgrims Progress how much IN offered for
il? How much do hear for the Pilgrims
Progress, by John Bunyan? 'ris u first rate
book, gentlemen, with six superior illustrations;
how mnch do hear? All about the Pilgrims,
hy John Bunyan! Tells where they come
from. an where they landed, an what they
done after they landed Here's ricter OF
one OF 'cm goirg about Plymouth peddlin', uih
a pack on his back"
TnE WICKED WoRLp.-rhe world is good
enough if those who nhabit it would make the
best OF it. Yet how many nro groanng and
signing through it, rs though twcrc but
lcaky, wrc,chci tenant place, which the soon.
or one were out of the better Not 80 do we