Clarksville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1865-1867, 1866-10-12
OLD DIRTY SOCKS,

"Hsftiesf Chapter Of the Season. Brounlou
gets Dose Of Mercury With a Mustaro
Plaster from Brick Pomeroy.
The Philadelphia Mercury, speaking of ,b,
parade of the Southern miscegens in tha
city, says:
The most disgusting feature of the dis
union procession was the profane old scoun
drel, Brownlow, from Tennessee. He passed
our Office in an open carriage, stretched ou
at full length, with his feet hanging over thu
side, and exhibited the dirtiest pair of stock.
ings we ever saw on a white man. Now
here was no excuse for this; there is plenty
of water here, and he should at least have
| some respect for the people of Philadelphia, Il
he has none for himself. Parson, have your
stockings washed before you go home.
Upon the above "Brick" Ofmeroy com.
ments as follows:
1t would be no use, Mr.. Mercmy-all the
water in the Fairmount Water Works would
not clense the foul and reeking carcass of the
nastiest devil out OF hells polluted shades
II lightning machine was invented TO striI
the stockings, shirts and clothing from of
his hide at the rate of $50 per hour, it would
be found that every suit was so thoroughly
and horribly impregnated with filth as TO fall
in fragments from utter rotteuness. lie
moves upon earth surrounded by an atmos-
phere of uncleanuess--an offense TO all hu-
mamty-a walking pestilence-a moral
cholera-an Intellectual disease.
His rantings and rawlings are all symptoms
OF his terrible distemper; his blasphemy and
profanity the safety-valves which preve mt an
explosion of the decomposing and decaying
matter Of which Brownlow is Composed
By day he oozes and reeks with foulnesS by
night he is surrounded by ghastly glimmer
like that which covers rotten fish or a
decaying stump! Pity him; pray for him!
his fate is more horrible than that of the
fabled Wandering Jew!" He lives to prove
what foul and monstrous demon can take
the form Of man and preach and act the
gospel of Rump treason.
Clean him-oh, no, Philadelphia Mercury,
it cannot be done--many things are possible,
but the cleansing of Brownlow, like the in
vention Of perpetual motion, can never be
realized by weak humanity.
Somewhere we have read that on apart
ment in the chateau Of the Empress jose
phine still retains in all its strength, her ia
vorite perfume. Brownlow once lectured in
a Methodist church we know of in the early
stages of his decomposition. The church
was closed after his harangue until the next
Sunday. The sexton came to build fire,
opened the door--a blast worse than the
simeon, more horrible than the combined
odors of a thousand sewers and ten thousand
ceSspools smote his sense of smell. He was
defunt Methodist instanter, Two weeks
from that day, the horrible tincture of
Brownlow had so exhausted its power that a
dozen New Yos& scavengers could remove
the pulpit, but still the fragrance fingered
Ministers came by dozens under promise Of
large salary to fill the pulIst, but they
withered, wasted, and sickened. Some be-
came idiotic, others blasphemers a few con-
firmed invalids. Finally the Board of Health
burned the sanctuary for the public good
Months have passed since then, but on dark
nights masmatic light like that playing
in the form of "will-o the-wisp' over a
swamp, is seen right over the spot once oc-
cupied by the pulpit, and a scent as Of two
hundred festive polecats and fifty aromatic
Africans floats ON "the calm, IT'LL, summer
air" Clean him; give him up, Mercury, like
a tough conundrum.