The Charleston daily news. [volume] (Charleston, S.C.) 1865-1873, 1866-11-12
ARTEMUS WARD IN LONDON.

Mn. Puscu, NY DEAR srn:-:I was a little dis
apiptcd i'm not recevin invitation to jino in the
meetins Of the Social Science Congress.
don't exacky sec how they got on without
II hope It wasn't the intentions of tho Scioncers
to exciood mo from their celebrations.
Let it pars. 1 Ito not repino. Let us remember
HHos AH%sr tho o"ip pS Mr. Mr. Homer ooadn % have got
trusted for sandwich and glass or bitter boor,
or words to that effeck.
been hosspitably reed in this country. HospaI atty
has been rored all over me. At Liverpool was
asked to walk over the docks, which are nine miles
long; and don't remember instance since my
rival in London of my gettin into cab without
a Briton comm and peritey shut in tho door for
me, and then extendfn his open hand to'ards me,
by this simple yit tuehin gesture, weleum me to
England Doesn't hep Oh, yes-I guess he
doesn't lie. Aud it's quite right among two great
cept as regards H's. And I've been allowed to
walk round all the streets. Even at Buckingham
Pallis told a guard wanted to walk round there,
tained subsequent that he referd to the sidewalk
ins!d OF the Pallis-but couldn't doubt his hoss-
PIP prepared Essy on Animals to read before the
Social Science meetins. 1t is a subjeck I may
troothfuly say have successfully wrastied with.
tackled it when only nineteen years old. At that
titled, 'Is Cats to be Trusted 2" or the merits of
that Essy it doesn't beoum me to speak, but may
be excoos d for mentionln that the Institoot
parsed g. resolution that "whether we look upon
the length of this ossy, or the manner in which it
ia written we feel that will not express any
opinion OF it, and we hope it will be read in other
towns"
or course the essy writ for the Social Science
Society is more inisheder production than the
one on Cats, which was wroten when my mind
was crood and afure had mastered a graceful
and ellygant stile of composition. could not
even punctooate my sentences proper at that
time, and observe with pane, on ioohin over this
effort Of my y0oth, that it's beauty is in two
instances mnr'd by ingrammatcisms. This was
unexcusable, and I'm surprised I did it. A writer
who can't wrtein a grammerly manner better
You shall hear this Essy on Animals. Some
day when you have four hours to spare I'd read it
to you. 1 thuik you'll enjoy it. Or, what will be
next weeks Punch, and do not lot. your contribu-
tors write anything whatever, tlet them have
holiday; they can 60 to the British Mooseum;)
and publish my Essy entire. It will fill all your
coumes full and create comment. Does this pro-
position strike you? Is it a go?
Iu case I had read the Essy to the Social
Scencers, I had intended it should be the clos e
attraction. had Intended it should fiuish the
prOceedins. think it would have flushed them.
understand animals better than any other class
of human creatures. have very animal mind,
and I've been identified with em doorin my en-
tira professional career as a Snowman; more es-
peoiaI bears wolves, loopards and serpunts.
The leopard is as lively animal as ever came
into contack with. 1t is troo he cannot change
his epots, but you can change 'em for him with q
paint brush, as once did in the case OF a leopard
who wasn't naturally spotted in q attractive man.
his cage with o protracted pole, and for the pur-
puss Of maxim him yell and kick up in a Jeopardy
manner, I used to 'casonally wbaok him over the
head. This would make the children inside the
booth scream with fright, which would make
fathers of families outside the booth very anxious
to come in because there is largo class of
parents who have uncomfortable passion for
takin their children to places where they will stand
chance OF being frightened to death.
One day whncked this leopard more than
usual. which elissiied remonstrsnce from tall
gentleman in spectacles. who said: 'My good
man, do not beat the poor Gagged animal. Rather
fondle him."
"I'll f0ndle him with O club" anserd hitting
him another whack.
'I prithy deslst," said the gentleman; ssstand
asde and see the ef.ck of kindness. understand
The idinsyncracles of these creeturs better than
you do" With that ho went up to the cage, and
thrustin his face in between the iron bars he
said, soothiny, "Come hi,her, pretty creetur."
The pretty creetur cOme-hithered rather speedily
and seized tho gentleman by the whiskers, which
he tore OF about cnuff to stuff small cushion
with.
He eail, "You vagabone, I'll have you indi,ted
for eXhibltln dangerous and immoral animals"
Ireplied, "Gentle sir, there isn't O animal here
that hasn't beautiful marat, but you mustn't fon-
dlo 'em. Ypu mustn't meddle with their idiotsyn-
craces."
The gentleman was dramatic cricket, and he
rote article for paper, in which he said my en-
tcrtainment was decided failure
cstin things, but they're Unreliable. I had very
large grizzly bear once, who would dance, and
larf, and lay down. aud bow his head in grief, and
give mournful vale, etsetry. But he often
uoyCd me. It will be remembered that on the oc-
casion OF tho first battle OF Bull Run, 1t suddenly
occurred to the fedral soldiers that they had
business in Washington which ought not to be
neglected, and they all started for that beautiful
and romantic city, maintainin q rate Of speed
durin the entire distance that would have done
credit to Ill. celebrated French steed. Gladiateur.
Very naturally our govme was deeply grieVed at
This defeat; and said to my Bear, shortly after,
asI was givin a exhibition in Ohio-I said, "Brew-
in. are You not sorry the national arms has aus
tanned Il defeat2" His business was to wall dis
NAL, and bow his head dowp, the band a. barrel
origin and wiolin) playing Glow and m melsncholiy
moosic What did the grizzly old cuss do, how
over, hut commence dancin and larhn in the most
joyous manner. had n narrer escape from being
lmpl isonetl for disloyalty. will relate another
incident i'll tho career OF this retchid Bear.
used to pr sent what I called in the bis Boau-
tiful living Pictur-showing the Bears fonduess
for his Master; in which I'd lay down on piece of
carpetng, and tho Bear would come and lay own
beside me, resting his right paw on my brest, the
Band playing Home, Sweet Home" very soft and
slow. Ahho' say it, it was q tuchin thing to see.
I've seen Tax Collectors weep over that perform
ance
Well, emo day I said, ''Ladies and gentlemen, We
will now chow you the bears fondness for his mas
ter" and went and laid down. thot observ-
clumcly to'ards me, but didn't dream Of the
scene which followed. He laid down and put his
paw on my breast. affection Of the bear for his
master" repeated. "You see the monarch of
as these animals natrafiy are, we now SEQ that
ihey have hearts, and can love. This boar, the
largest in the world, and moasurin seventeen feet
I0hiHi ING 'di loves me Hs q mer-ther loves her
grizzly and inIamus bear threw his other paw
under mo, and riz with me to hfs feet. Then cfas-