Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1866-09-01
HUMOR Gus
WIT AND HUHOR.

| pcEIfTlBdbiOu.
An editor in San Francisco was
lately scrubbed smartly with hickory
towel An, there was the rubl
When lady makes you pair oil
slippers, she wants you to put your foot
In it.
What trees are those which, when
fire is applied to them, are exactly what
they were before?-Ashes.
Why ought a housemaid to have
more lives than cat? Because every
morning she returns to dust
"A little boy being asked, 'What is
the chief end of man?' replied: 'The
end what's got the head on
The only way some people can get
anything in their head is by taking q
drink or riding in sleeping cars.
"A soldier with artificial legs regent.
ly declared that he had much rather be
'on his last legs" than his new ones,
1T is underbread to speak of the
aristocracy as the upper crust of So
oiety.
-Punch's direction how to make
hole in your income is sound-pay
large rent
According to an English physician,
two children to each married couple is
now the average in all large cities.
A pro-rebel editor greatly admires
MIR. Wise, of Virginia. Wise is unwise,
and the editor likewise. - Louisville
Journal.
AT Springfield, Mass, lady sent
the following volunteer toast: "Spruce
old bachelors, the eVergreena OF So
ciety."
What is the difference between O.
mischievous mouse and q beautiful
young lady2 One harms the cheese,
aud the other charms the he's.
-"What are you looking after, daugh-
ter?" said an old man, at a Christmas
party. Looking after a sOn-in-law for
you, fatherr' was the reply.
How is your husband this after
noon, Mrs. Squiggs?" "Why, the doc
tor says as how ii he lives till mornin'
he shall have some hopes of him; but if
he don't he must give him up"
Why is an editors life like the Book
of Revelations? Because it is full of |
TYPES and shadows, and mighty voice |
like the sound of many waters, is ever
saying to him-aDrite.
"A chap being asked to explain the |
paradox of how it was possible for lazy |
man to attain so much education, an
swered: 81 didnt-attain-I just heard |
Observation-Disclosures was too lazy |
to forget"
In an old family Bible in Connect,
lieut., the record of birth is entered in |
this wise: elizabeth Jones, born on |
the Goth of November, 1887, according |
to the best of her recollectIonl"
Master Owen-"'Oh. Aunty, make !
Freddy behave himself; every time /
hit him on the head with mallet, he |
bursts right out crying"
A wicked Missourian says that |
there IS no. fear that the disloyal |
preachers in his neighborhood Will be |
arrested for preaching the gospel, for
they never do it.
"A lady pianist, on being called upon |
for a dead march, asked a satirical pro-
lessor of music what dead march she |
would play; to which he replied: "Any |
march that You will play will be a dead |
one, for you are sure to murder it,"
There is haunted house in Troy |
which is occupied by single man
Recently ghost, In the form of a wo-
man, walked into his bedroom, while |
he was in bed, and laid her hand upon |
his pillow. The bachelor was so shocked |
at the improperly that he vacated the |
premises on the instant.
Here is "reverse" from Punch:
When the defeated Austrian flies
Across the Alpine ridge,
Fair Venice, with her Bridge oSighs,
Will soon her signs abridge.
EPIGRAM ON Low NECK DRESS.
That ''the effects are the same from a similar |
Is enc of the famous SOcratian laws, [cause," |
Whose fallacy we may discover
For-quite in the letter OF the logic rule;
The style of apparel that keeps Emma cool,
just kindles flame in her lover SAKE.
"A merchant having cent in obedi-
ence to an order, fifty barrels of flour
to grocer In the provinces, recently
received another order, which he thinks
has malice in it-"Send down fifty pigs
to eat up that -four"
"A doctor who has been trying to
establish practise In Wisconsin, says
that the village is so extremely healthy
that man was murdered there on the
Fourth of Univ for the n1rnOqa of start
ing a graveyard.
"A sailor being asked how he liked
his wife. replied: "Why dye see took
her to be only half of me, as the parson
says, but dash me if she isn't twice as
much as 1, l am only tar, and she
is Tartar
-"Put down that picklep The
words are uttered harshly and hurriedly
by the Sergeant to an ungracious pri-
vate, who, carried away by his hungry
passions, has snatched pickle from
the barrel. 'An why should I put
down the pickle?" queries the private
mildly. "Put down that pickleI-that's
all want of you," returned the Ser
geant determinedly. ''Down it goes,
them" cried he and stuffing it into his
mouth it quickly disappeared.
"A little girl after having been to
church. was very fond of preaching to
her dolls. Her mother overheard her
ore day, reproving one for being so
wicked. "Oh you naughty and sinful
child" she said shaking its wazen limbs
you'll Just go to that place of birthstone