The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-03-27


the founding and support Of an institu-
tiou for the benefit of INDECENT bachelors,
with strict orders that my name should
never be mentioned, and then at once put
an end to my life; but rejected the sup
position as too horrible, and then took G
mouthful of soup. 8
ANGELS and ministers of gracel I
sprang up, choking aud spluttering My
nephew's wife dashed thescontents of the
water pitcher over me-my nephew fol-
lowed with the vinegar cruet.
) "4sApoplexy! run for the doctor! what
is the matter, uncle? Are you dying?"
they exclaimed, both together.
"'If I'm not retorted savagely, 'it
is not his fault! pointing to the despica-
BILE baby, who sat staring and rolling up
his eyes at US. He has emptied the salt
celler into my soup.
my nephew, for moment, seemed re-
allv confounded; but his wife burst out
in the usual strain of admiration:
"'The dear little thing Was there
ever such an observing little creature?
He has seen me put salt in my soup!'
$50 he hasr chimed in papa, lighting
up Nothing escapes him. Come, un-
Gle, try some of the beef
"Shivering, bedaubed, and with smart
ing throat and mouth, | sat down once
more, determined not to be beaten by the
most disagreeable baby that ever squall-
ed; but found that I had miscalculated
the powers of my antagonist.
y'I have always made it point of con-
science to allow my powers of digestion
a chance to do their best | believe that
if the soul isn't positively in the stom-
ach, it is very near it; and | should like
to know how .manis to preserve his Sc
renity, or even his senses, with the dys-
pepsia. Te that end | makeita a point to
eat slowly, aud to avoid all exciting sub
jeets Of thought or conversation. new
er dream of such a thing as handing a Ia
dy in to dinner-the fuss of pouring out
her wine and picking up her handker-
chief would be too much for me. new
er go to dine with great talker, and con-
fine myself to monosyllables and brief
mods of the head. Judge. then, of my
suferings, obliged to maintain constant
watchfulness over my plate and wine, for
fear of seeing them landed in my lap;ma-
king darts aud springs to avoid the clutch
of his greasy hands, and exercising all
the self-control | had to keep from sha-
king him soundly.
Meanwhile my nephew and his wife
talked on, and still about the boy.
"'He's so determined, said the wife,
he wanted that terra Gotta pitcher this
morning, and nothing would satisfy him
till he got it, and in three minutes he had
it broken into pieces
"sAnd such lungs, rejoined my neph-
ew. Il heard him scream the other day
when | was coming home, three blocks
off. az fea a
"'What fancy he has taken to you,
exclaimed the mother admiringly dts
not often he takes much notice of stran-
gers, ss
1.-The boy emphasized her words by
dropping his bone into my eustard.
81 got up from the table. 's
"'Nephew,' l said solemnly, 4 find the
journey has been too much for me. 1
you please will go to my rooni.'
"Both sprang up to accompany me
The baby, who could walk, toddled after
us, contriving, just as / reached the door
to entangle himself between my legs
The consequence was, I fell heavily to the
floor. .g
a'How unfortunate, exclaimed my
nephew.
"Is he killed. screamed the mother
frantically, dragging up the little yelling
imp.
"'No, but | am, madamp I snapped
Il have sprained my ancle, and broke the
crystal of my watchl'
Lotions were sent for. was placed
on my back, and told that must not stil
on any account Ny nephew's wife care
fully closed all the windows, though i
was July, shut out all the lightshe could
and then persisted in going about my
room with creaking shoes and camphol
bottle-my TIVE pet abominatious.
groaned aloud and swore secretly. Fl
nally l fell into troubled doze, from
which | awoke with consciousness tha
something dreadful was happening.
YTMy nephew's wife had gone out, and
left me alone with ''The Boy, and thar
most miserable, most utterly abandoned
and unpfincipled baby had got hold O.
! my valise, and was rummagingit.
"What was to be done? | am ner
vously neat'man. Could lie there, anc
| behold the mos. cherished articles of my
toilette In the remerseless and bedaubed
hands of my tormentor? | tried to rise
but the pain was toe excruciating.
Il had heard of moral suasion. l re
solved to try it.
e"Come to its poor, sicky, miminy, PIN
| iny, old uncy,' Icommeuced in a tone a,
near like my nephew's wife as possible.- =
'Come ye 'ittle-you confounded brat!' a,
the boy, cycling me all the while, took my
best hair brush, and dipping it into ny
box of backing that had accidentally fal
len open, and began to brush its shoes.
81 thought l heard you talking, un
Gle, said my nephew's wife, entering a
that moment Are you any better?'
| "' Betterp I thundered Look there
madam Thatis my hair brush-my bes
one. These are my ruffied shirts, ant
that monster is what you call, believe
your baby, madam.
| "'The dear little preciousp squeake
1 the lady. hsWas there ever such power Q
imitation? He has seen his papa Black