Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1866-06-05
Wit and HlG71lO2'.


Wit and HaC31lO2'.
A man on the edge of battle is apt to get cut.
Those who can admire only the dead should be
with them.
The largest room in the world-the room for
improvement.
When is a baby not baby Whenits teeth
ing [tea-thing.]
What we call content is often but the conceal
ment of discomfort.
Can man keep his feet dry when he has q
creak in his boots?
An auction is a sale of effects, and sea-sickness
is the effect OF SAIL
Why is a seamstress like pickpocket9 Be-
cause she cuts and runs.
The right man in the right place-A husband
at home III the evening.
Wanted-A plummet line long enough to sound
the depths of human misery.
Why is worn out shoe like ancient Greece :?
Because it once had Scion.
In the game of life, men frequently play the
knave, and women the deuce.
Why was the Deluge like the French Revolu-
ton? Because it was rain of terror
One of the commonest cases of transformation
is for topper to turn into grog shop.
When the times are out of joint, Congress
should mend them by joint resolution.
When may man be said to breakfast before
he gets up?-When he takes roll in bed.
Many persons refuse to pay or give anything in
life, but in death they IL down with their dust.
Old Mugs says that the talk of women is usu-
ally about men; even their laugh is he! he he !
The first part of married life is the shine of the
honeymoon the rest, too often, common moon
shine
If girl is unfortunately stone-blind, let her
get married-if that doesn't open her eyes, moth
ing WILL
Why is man lifting a side of bacon off hook
to be pitied? Because he is poor creature (pork
reacher)
To the charitable-A barrel of sugar is wanted
to sweeten a gentleman who has been 'soured by
misfortune
nursery business A new way, perhaps, of adj
vertising for a WIFE
A distinguished female writer says that ''the
men are fast" Well, they must be exceedingly
so to catch the women.
A letter writer says that old Mr. Thad Stevens
''has not long lease of life" His end. and a
ropes should come together.
A luxury that we have a right to indulge in
our houses as much as we please is neatness 1t
takes nothing from the poor.
The Memphis Argus says: eve wish to God
that the nlggers were back in Africa in hell, or
or any other. seaport toWn-meaning Boston,
An exchange says that ''in the absence of both
editors, the publisher had succeeded in securing
the services of gentleman to edit the paper that
week"
OF all the men in the world, daguerreotypists
should be the most fond Of children, for they uni
versally find it very difficult to get along without
little SUM-
''Would I were a man!'' exclaimed a strong
minded woman, in her husbands hearing. Il
wish you WERE" was his remark, for then I
should never have been married to you"
A stranger, looking for a restaurant on Fulton
street, New York, the other day, was referred to
corset shop near by by wag, who told him he
could get something there to stay his stomach"
1,orDr 1ad in California brOLa bor mock in
resisting the attempt of young man to kiss her.
This shows the great danger Of resistance under
such circumstances and should serve as an awful
warning.
girl from his own kitchen, said the union was
attended with a double advantage-it saved him
not only the expense of wife, but the taxes on a
servant"
An honest Hiberian, trundling along hand
cart containing all his valuables, was accosted
thus: ''Well, Patrick, you are moving I see?'
Faith [ am" he replied, for the times are so
hard it's adale cheaper hiring handcarts than
paying rents"
At recent railroad dinner, in compliment to
the fraternity the toast given; AN honest
LAWYER the noblest work Of God" But an old
farmer in the back part of the hail. ratherspoiled
the effect by adding in loud voice, land about
the scarcest."
Some poetical genius in burst of enthusiasm,
asks, ''Who has not seen and felt the beauty of a
woman S arm p? We don't know about seeing
the beauty OF q woman S arm; out we can speak
from experience when we say that we have felt
its strength in very striking manner.
A Tennesseean, in London, being asked about
the fertility of the soil of his State declared that
they raised corn enough there to make whisky
for all the world, besides what is wasted in ma
king bread; and that the pumpkins grew so large
it was customary to split full sized one in the
middle and scoop out either side for a fat-boat ;
while the little ones made admirable Canoes.
A critic ungallant enough to tell the truth,
saws that the most awkward spectacle in, or out
Of all creation, is the endeavor of woman to
run: They can't do it, They are not q running
institution-save with their tongues. If there are
two arrangements in the world that were never
made for feetness on the pedal, they are aoonsen
and ducks.
The following illustration of some revivals of
religion and of the piety of some people, as given
several years ago by colOred preacher IN Mont
Alas must it be so? 'Byemby 'vivals gone-an
dare dey lie til noder 'vival,''
''NIy bredren,' said he, God bless your souls,
:ligion is like de Alabamal In Spring it comes
fresh an bring in all de ole logs, slabs sticks,
dat hab been lyin on de bank, an carry dem down
in de current. Bymeby de water go down-den
q log cotch here on dis island, den slab gifts
cotched on de shore, an de sticks on de bushes
an dere dey lie, wthrin' an dyin' til come nod
err fresh. Just so dere come 'vival of 'ligion-dis
ole sinner brought in, dat ole backslider brought
back, an de ole folks seem comin', an mighty
good times But, bredren God bless your souls,
bymeby 'vivars gone-den dis ole sinner is stuck
on his own sin, dat ole backsllder is cotched whar
he was afore, on Just such rock; den one after
noder dat had got 'ligion lies all along de shore,
n 1oy- Hat Oo1a Rp1nhp6