Daily union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1865-1866, 1866-06-29
aaiun and Smerieau.
SOMETHING no LAUGH eys:R.


STEAMER LOUISE MAY 1, 1866 Editors
AduegFsser and Reqisteg-Mein Herr. Cantin
and found Radical to-day, and as the
adventure has somewhat dilapidaied my good
looks and stove hole in Cantin's side, must
tell you how il came about. Having learned
from the oraculer Memphis journal that the
animals called Radicals were terrible in
situations, and having learned to cuss'em
satisfactorily, ! took advantage Of every OPP
portunity to amniadvert on them. Imagine
my amazement, when my diminutiye self
was suddenly confronted by a whale Of
fellow, who proclaimed himself a Radical,
nd insisted that / should retract what had
said about him and his fellows. told him
that my optics had taken Kim surely not fol- a
Radical, but for ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
Whereupon he became very boistrous, and
demanded satisfaction. To express my
contempt for his chivalrv, | turned away
and was getting rapidly 10 another portion
Of the boat, having urgent business there.
Suddenly, my career was arrested by Gu
rious sensation. Upon investigating the
cause, was very much surprised TO dis
cover that the Radical had mistaken the
splits between the skirts Of my swallow
tailed coat, for a boojack
When turned TO gaze on the Radical he
made thrust at me with his hand doubled
up, and one Of my OPTICS whilst trying TO
stop the tremendous momentum of the indi-
vidual, succeeded in doing so, but II has
been subject 10 illusory scenes ever since.
These consist Of seeing stars and rainbows,
and glittering notes, which upon close In
vestigation, prove 30 not have an actual ex-
istence Not seeing very clearly into the
Radicals argument, i cast myself ON the
ground, and by the action, invited him TO
farther striking illustrations. Being indis-
posed TO split hairs with him, / offered him
a handful, which he proceeded to Irvine be-
tween his fingers. The proceedings hurt
me somewhat, but / was amiably disposed
and anxious 10 learn what he would do with
them, therefore, submitted TO the manipula-
ton with much grace. Introducing my left
optic 10 the Radicals thumb, he was appa-
rently so much pleased that he enthusiast
cally set about making an impression on the
visual organ, whereupon, in a meek voice
and with much mildness-not wishing 10
hurt his feelings ] suggested that his greet
ing was uncomiortably pressing, really 10
the extent of being painful. He echoed
damphool. Not being well versed in echoes,
/ paid no farther attention TO the pleasantly.
Ny visual optic having slipped back into
closed hands on the facial projections of my
beautiful features, but as the eXertion was
made with a power equal TO the fal! Of
thousand weight on my head, was induced
to beg him 70 forego the pleasure of his I'll
tsnic caresses. Thereupon he became lit
tie excited and used some boisterous and in
comprehensive language at which / was
much astonished. He exhibited further his
affection for me, by taking my nose severely
between his thumb and finger. Anxious to
accommodate him with thorough investi-
cation of its peculiar formation, beauty, use,
etc, / invited him 10 examine il more care
fully, 20 taste it, etc, and assisted him, by
inserting It's beautiful proportions between
his teeth. Closing his vice-like dentals on
that organ, he seemed 10 abandon himself
30 perfec; ecstasy. He shook it, and bit
il very hard, and pulled il. j tried TO per-
suade him that his pleasure was my pain,
but he seemed 10 be enjoying a luxury, and
10 be laboring under the misapprehension
that liked il too, and he held the more
tightly, notwithstanding all my earnest re-
presentations that the proceeding was pain
fully ridiculous to me.
He paid no attention TO my demand, and
forced me TO the alternative of tearing my
self away from his enthusiastic embrace.
He made clTsory remark that made me
supect him Of joking with me. Then lost
my amiability and Christian temper Yet
being kindly disposed, ! offered to pick out,
with my knife, that portion of my nose which
had become fastened in his teeth.
Being in an unusual hurry 10 accommodate
him, / made the small mistake of inserting
the point between his third and fourth ribs,
and when found out the accident, in my
hurried efforts 10 withdraw the instrument
and make amends, it penetrated to place
under his belt, where he had slowed an i'm
mense quantity Of lager beer 1t proved a
valuable beer mine. In my anxiety to save
the beer and start a saloon, or brewery, |
made strenuous efforts 10 roll him to safe
place, but in the hurry Of the moment he
rolled overheard, and is doubtless now luxu-
rating in instalments in the digestive APP
paratus Of the denizens of Mobile Bay.
COUSIN NoURMA.