Columbia democrat and star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1867, 1866-06-06
A Political Generals soliloquy,

Whir-r-r-r
How Ike a rocket went up, terrifying
the innocent
Spati
How ike stick falling in the mud did I
come down
When the late rebellion began, did not
amount to enough to add up and give one to
carry / was. a sort of second-rate loafer,
begging tobacco, standing around saloons
and bar-rooms, waiting to be treated by lib
eral strangers ] had no clean stockings
no neat kome-no money sayed-no credit
no fine food, and but little coarse. ''But
suddenly star arose r. Brave men were
wanted-I had peddled whiskey at the polls
to elect men on the God-and morality, re-
trenchment-a -and-reform- could tell
bigger lie and stick to it closer than any
hungry politician in the country, and the
late administration-nobl administration
gave me rich reward. / was made cap
tain, and ike blue tailed bottle-fy strut
ted about my native town.
Guess 1 wasn't old style, in white gloves
and stripes up my legs Guess didn't sup
port the Government. Reckon didn t get
trusted to little things at stores, and when a
man wouldn't trust me, guess wouldn in
cite mobs on such Copperheads And Twas
put in command of a hundred men, Egad
that was joke Why, Lord bless you, l
didn't know as much about war as dog
knows Of. his great grandfather-but / had
political influence absorb vast guam
titles of whiskeg, and could steal Or like
John Brown Or like Butler Or like any
other house robber.
And [ went to war. and I hired cores
pondents TO mention my brave exploits in
Republican papers And l stole wines from
hospitals and treated my friends. And
read the army letters which 1 hired written
and which poor fools printed to political
friends. And [ kept out of the way of bull
let's and such--and 1 stole piles of household
goods, from rat-traps to pianos, from silk
elastic to linen intended for infants yet un-
born, and SO in the eyes of the late Admin
istration proved my fitness for high position.
And l was made a Brigadier-general Big
thing. Nearly every foAlin the army was
Brigadier-general. While brave menfought,
| stole spoons and such While other men
were at war, I was punishing Democrats, is
sriug petty orders, taking toll from Union
farmers, and sendingchairs, tables, beds and
bedding, pictures, books, spoons, knives and
forks, nut-crackers, glass ard silverware.
mirrors, sideboards, parlor ornaments, laces,
silks and ladies' underelothes stolen from
private drawers, trunks and bureaus, up
North at Government expense, to let people
know that | was saving my salary to beauti-
fy my home.
Cunning cuss
And [ denounced Democrats, thereby win
ming promotion and good opinions from Re
publican papers. And spent my salary
for whisky, except what went for=noth-
ing now, not much at first Aud I went on
raids, capturing imaginary bandscf eremies, |
reported by the papers as real. And being
an unscrupulous knave, intent only on mon
ey, was hired by the administration of the
late lamented to 90 up and down the land !
stumping the country for and in behalf of
Abolitionists par mobile fra
tr1tnt
And l sent Democrats to the front and
they were shot down like dogs, or dragged
back wounded to die in hospitals, or swear
allegiance to Abraham And | stuffed cleo
ton returns-and / stole cotton wherever it
could be found mules ditto corn ditto; ;
Government stores ditto, and other things |
ditto, till | became rich And what . lot of
men there were who believed we were fight
ing to slIbdue the rebellion. That was a good
joke. Twas merely pleasant little muir
derous crusade for cotton and 'negroes-the |
cotton for the rich, the negroes for the poor
taxpayers 30 support
The war was God send to me- 1t took
me from the gutter, or a stool in some sa-
loon, and made great man of me. 1t lift
ed me by TIE Wristbands right up alongside
of Wellington, Napoleon, Alexander, Wash !
ington, jackson, Grant, Sherman and other
great men. And didn't l strut f? And didn't |
| fall back on my dignity? And didn' t | |
snub those whose servant ] was-and win |
the contempt of every sensible man in the
land 2 And didn't negro wenches fall in
love with me And didn't keep abandon
ed women at headquarters, on money stole
from my bleeding country I? To be sure ] |
did. That was the acme of loyalty" That
was known as Lincoln patriotism. That
style was the style that paid. That style
made me popular with Abolitionistsa at home
And didn't / drive Southern roosters from
watching the nest? And didn't go into
hat business for them? And didn't go
nto the patent bleaching business on joint
account, half for myself and half for the
Government?
There were some good men in the army