Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1866-09-18
For the Grant County Herald.
The Randallpest.

Mr., COVER.
President Johnsons decapita-
ting sabre having been made bare 10
this quiet city the caput of this hum
BILE individual has rolled into the bas
kct, So thinking You might like to
| know how man fools without such
/. an important appendage | hasten to
give you my experience.
| don't know, of course, how it af-
fecls others, but it don't seem to
j hurt me bit. Indeed | think the
sensation is rather more pleasurable
that otherwise. | have for some
time felt sort OF choking at the
throat of my manhood, caused by
indignation and disgust, and fear
that the faint of that moral and pc.
litical lerr sy, known as the Ran.
/ dalpeSt, which prevails so extensive
| ~ at the White House and through
out the departments at Washington,
might communicate itself to me, and
blast my reputation as patriot, ruin
my standing in the Republican par
{ W and destroy the confidence now
proposed in me by the noble men who
have fought our battles for freedom
which | swear to you, brother Cover,
L would not forfeit for all the offices
the President has at his disposal,
But Richard is himself again. De-
temptation set me all right, and | now
enter the fight against Moses John
son and his traitorous cohorts with
"a Joy and a courage and determi~
nation that is unspeakable, But it
is time to drop those personal pro
nouns, or Andy will have me back
into the Postoffice again.
Has that lothesomc and malignant
disease known as the RandaHpcSt
yet made its appearance in your sec
ton That you may know what |
mean permit me to give you its dag
norris. / believe that's the term
It's Iprcmonitory symptom is first q
sort of dislike towards office holders,
such as Postmasters, Assessors, Col
Iectors, &c, and an apparent dosire
to have them removed. Then they
are taken with q running at the
mouth a bcsIobhering of Andy John
son, Dooittle, Alex Randall, and
men Of that ilk, with fulsome praise
and laudation, accompanied with
plaintiff wall, as of sick JVhanq-
Doodle After this the victim is seen
to be found in confab with little
knots of Copperheads and Rebel
>ympathisers, gesticulating some
what energetically and altering such
;ncohercncies as :" damn Congress
" no dead States " johnson Lincoln
policy y" southern brethren ""great
speech of Doolittlc " " Stand on the
Baltimore platform" " miserable
radicals" Johnson sound" "rcv-
dictionary body" point of the bay
onet," &c, &c, the whole being at
terded by an inordinatc hankering
for office.
Whethcr this disease is an epidem-
ic, or simply contagious, is not clear
ly determined, but there is one no
ticcable fact connected with it; it
docs lot rage to any alarming eX-
tent in the several districts, but is
confined mostly to towns and cities
and its virulence is just in proper
ton to the number and magnitude of
the federal offices in the locality.
There have been but few cases with
us. Tie worst was certain NJ. d.
that you wrote of, he had it pretty
bad, but since Doolittle and Ran
dali cheated him out Of the Post
Office here, | am informed he has
shown symptoms of recovery
As to the proper remedy there is
some disagreement from the fact
that the cause is not yet fully agreed
upon. One Moses Johnson or some
call him Andy Johnson, of Washing
ton, pretcnds to know all about the
disease, and claims to have a "plas
ter co-extonsive with tho wound,
which is intalIible, and calls most
Justify, patheticolly and vehemently
and every other way upon the peo-
pie to accept it. He is ever itinera-
ting through the country, lecturing
upon its merits and peddling his
p]asters. But this Andy, or Moses,
is . quack and liar, ignorant alike
OF the nature of the disease and Of
the proper remedy. He does not
know whether it is in the back or
the belly, whether it is in the cholic
or the rhpmatics, and is as likely to
apply his remedy, or "plaster as
he calls it, to the wrong part as to
the right. He is said to threaten