The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-12-10
FACETIE.

Mems brains ought to work very
smootly now, they have 50 much oil on
them.
Female bosoms are more intlammabie
than ever, for they are cotton.
Fighting men are not always truth
full. 4 man may be true at the lannon's
mouth, and false ut his owl"
Many hypocrites talk sanctimonious-
" about the New JaruSalcm who would
be kicked out of the old one.
Women should attend to the mending
Of their stockings; they should not, like
Achilles, be exposed in the heel.
An Irish sailor once visited city
where, he said, "they copper-bottomed
the tops of their houses with sheet lead.
Alandlady who had very weak chick
en- broth for dinner, the other day, was
asked by one of the boardcrS ifShe could
not coax that chicken to wade through
the soup once more.
An old lady being asked to subscribe
for Il newspaper, declined on the ground
that when she wanted news she manu-
featured it herself.
An excellent old lady says the only
way to prevent steamboat explosions is
to make the engineers "bile their water
ashore. In her opinion, all the Dustin
is caused by Cooking the steam" Oh
board.
A gentleman, having occasion to call
| at in la
study. He remarked the great heat of
the apartment, and said it was "as hot
as an oven" $50 it ought to be-" re-
piled the author, "for it is here l make
my bread"
A passenger in railroad car was af-
fiicted with very bad cough. He an
noycd his fellow travellers, until one of
| them remarked, in tone of disple2sure:
''Sir, that is very bad cough of yours
True, sir" replied he, "but you will
excuse me, it's the best Eve got"
When Erskine, in 1860, was appointed
the latter offered him the loan of hi.
silk gown; "For the short time you'll
want it, you had better borrow mine
~ have no doubt" says Erskine, "that
your gown liz made to fit any party,
hut however short may be my term OF
office, it shall never be said that Henry
Erskine put on the abandoned habits
of his predecessor"
A person meeting with an acquant-
ance after long absence, told him he
was surprised to see him, for he had
heard that he was dead.
"But," Gays the other, "you find the
report false"
"'Tis hard to determine he replied,
''for the man who told me was one whose
word would sooner take than yours
To what city Isl man going when he
marriesi
| Answer by happy particles going to
Louvain.
Young lady-Oh, it's Nice.
Old maid-It's Hamburg.
Solid observation-disclosures.
lmpudent fellow-To Brest.
Bridget-ToDublin, sure.
Practical parent-He's going to Hayrc
Snarling old bachclor-He's going to
Rouen.
An lrlshman, being very fond OF cool
milk for his dinner his wife always kept
it in the spring in large bowl. One day
4 frog concluded TO take quarters in the
bowl, it being just deep enough to hide
him.
Dinner came on, and the old woman
placed the bowl before the old man, not
even dreaming of frog being in it.
The old man went on enjoying his
milk and bread az usual, until he drank
it so low as to make the frog visible,
when he exclaimed:
Faith and he jabers, old oman, what
this in me milki-
"Oh, nothing, John, but a mere bit of
a mote
"A mote" cries the enragrd Pat. "and
dye call thing sitting on all fours
and staring me in the face with his big
eyes a mote' By my soul I'd rather have
a beam in my eye than mote like that
| in my month"; o