The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1866-12-08
honolulu. -occ
DIN, GT,, IN &c 90

MAUI, DcC- ., IcOO--
To ME "CAUsTIc" FRIND :-Arrah, now, be
aisy. Pat, till | apply n more caustic rimidy to yer
grammatical gangrenes than We are able to furnish
yer stultifed self. for its mcself that has graduated
at the rare door of the Queens College, and sat on
the neither end of the Queens bench. Ie start out
in yer blathorskin gibberish, in the Royal Gayaife,
when We spake of the :" curiositics of literature !"
yerself has discovered. Fax! if there ever was a
curiosity Of EercuHure that apparel i'll this capital
of the Isles of the Ergit says, it was that same pro
duction of ycrs.
Ye remind me of a s~palpeen of a village school
master. described be one Olive Goldsmith, of the
ould country. This same pedagogue was the
prodigy of the sheLeen shops. and, like yerself, his
"words Of learned length and laundering sound,
Amazed the gazing TuStics standing round,
And still they gazed, and still the wonder grew,
How one small head could carry all lac knew"
And bedad, "Caustic,' its yersclf that initiates
him but It's me hope, at Taste for the poets honor,
in mintioning him at all. that he jumbled his big
and larned words together in a better style than
yAself has done in yer long-sintinced terade
against the -Adcertiser. Words SIGH as they are,
and big ones, are plinty but as destitute of ideas
as the dominions of his Satinic Majesty are of
Saints.
Now, sir, jist glance wild me over yer chaf of
words. which, in me own country. we call Ja3der-
NNf '- 49, '""'1 'g''''N 'N = "A NA
yer blGnders thick as barnacles on an ouid junk.
The very furst wurd that sthrikes one as paycu-
liar is "hebdominally.' Turn to your classical
Webster. sir, and, bcdad. yen find that approxi-
mates the unknown tongue" that yer honor was
limiting at. And | state it on the veracity of an
Enniskillener. that if ye would immigrate to Brig
hams City of the Saints, ye would be placed in
the highest niche of the consecrated for spanking the
unknown tongue so glibly. But, l suppose. think
ing yerself u CRATE man. We can coin new words
like the immortal Shakespeare.
And thin, in trying to be polished like a French
man, We spell the word dcrHier with an Irish accent.
thus splitting yourself on the horn of a bull of me
countrymen, without q" falling back " on any men
dacious mode of fence" None but one Of me
own countrymcn, born i'll France. would liver COM
nit sich an oncon saveable blundcr. 1t reminds
me of the Frinch of a cOunthryman of mine who.
in spanking of the first appearance of his frind in
Parliament, said. d" he arose and made his debut.
and thought he would gain great ecat, but he made
n perfect Jnm pas of himself" pronouncing the Jot,
the c{dt and the for pass with a rim, the IS in
cludcd.
Aud. then, be jabbers, yer hermophrodite at
tcmpts at ideas, exhibit no conception of giader.
From the beginning of yer schribbling to where We
straddle the fence, We spake of IT, the paper, the
Adrertiser. which fell back on its favorite mode
of fence" and then say he finds himScf unable"
&c. Out upon ye, forsooth, for sich s~palpeen
blundcrs and sich collective grammar" None
but n " literary cuss would fall into sich a bog
mire. What a convirtable paper, indade. is the
AdrertSer-it. he. himself. To what ginder does
it belong, pray? 1t is simply &c re- not ridiculous.
There is a &" want of cohaysiveness in yer long
sintinccs, il which ye Try to initiate " the clumsy
platitudes and crudities - Of more talented bun
glcrs.
And thin. aGin, the bogus Frinchman sticks out.
when We chivalrously take up the gauntlet and
/" rccklcssly doth accept the challenge to
enter the arena in a grammatical tournament, -
dcfnd the absurditics of yer official clients.
Och! Bad cess to We. Mr.. CaUstic; and did yer not
name n grand d~rdH-matical turn out? Sich would
Yer complexion better and besides, drawing
a cork is more suited 10 your gauius than stirring
ing together words diStatutc of ideas or naming.
Take me advice fling away ambition "-cx
,hangc yer head for Il shapes. aud take to grazing,
ike Nchuchadnczzr and mind me, if ye don't
follow it. its a poltroon yc are. indadc.
LUN,-cduStic. Barristcr-atlaw
And Member of the Queens Bench"