Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1866-11-09
A Little Nonsense.

Who was Jonah's tutor' The whale
who brought him up.
Why are your lips often at variance p
Because words are frequently passing be-
tween them.
Why is the assessor of taxes the best
man in the world9 Because he never un-
derrates anybody.
"Altbough you count yourself bright
er fellow than l am, yet can come around
you," as the earth said to the sun.
A lady fixed the following letters in the
bottom of -four barrel and asked her
husband to read them if he could: O-I-C-
U-R-M-T.
What is the difference between accep-
ted and rejected loversl The accepted
kisses the misses, and the rejected misses
the kisses.
Of SIX hundred and twelve young Ia
dies who tainted last year, more than one
half of them fell into the arms of gentle
men. Only three had the misfortune to
fall on the floor.
Two negro hearse drivers met in the
streets of Nashville, when one accosted
the other with the remark, "WelI, Jim,
how's biz to-dayi" The reply was, "Gol-
ly, Jake, amt we slingin' EN-"
A fellow out West being asked whether
liquor he was drinking was good article,
replied: ''Waal, l don't know; guess so.
There is only one queer thing about it:
whenever wipe my mouth, burn hole
in my shirt"
"How do you like Shakespeare" |" said
blue stocking young lady to an old river
captain. "Don't like her at all, madam;
she burns too much wood and carries too
little freight"
A boy down east is accustomed to go
out on a railroad track and initiate the
steam whistle so perfectly as to deceive
the officer at the station. He last attempt
proved eminently successful; the depot
master came out and Switched him off.
A dealer in musical instruments, in one
of his advertisements, declares that his
drums, among other articles which he has
for sale, "can't be beat" VIII be be kind
enough to tell US what they are good for,
thenl
Never chew your words. Open the |
mouth and let the voice come out. A
student once asked: "can virchue, forti-
chude, gratichude, or quiechude dwell |
with that man who is stranger to recti-
,hude"
DANIEL A DEAD-HEAD.-Speaking of
ions-that was an ''idea" of the hard shell |
preacher, who was discoursing of Daniel |
n the den Of lions:
"There he sat all night looking at the
how for nothing"
An honest Hibernian, trundIing along
landcart containing all his valuables, was
lccosted thus: ''Well, Patrick, you are
moving again, see." "Faith, l am," he
eplied, ''for the times are so hard it's a
lals cheaper hiring handcarts, that pay
NJ IlHtS' |
ACCOMMODATING HIMSELF TO CrRCUM-
Richmond correspondent
f the DaHville Register, tells the follow
ng anecdote about General "Alleghany"
ohnson, on the march to Bristoe Station
n the fall of 1868. The General was rid
ng along the road, and preceiving one Of
is men up a persimmon tree, halloed out
D him:
81 say there, what are you doing up
berea Why amt you with your regi-
1entp II
'Tm getting simmons, l am" replied
he soldier. II
"Persimmons, thunder they are not
pe yet. They are not fit to eat"
"Yes, but General" persisted the Con-
ID, "Pm trying to draw my stomach up t
} suit the size of my rations. If it stays
be way it is now shall starve"
The General had nothing further to say, {
ut rode on.