The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1866-12-27
WIT AND HUMop.

ItNa f-''C a." NV AeiA NVhcs " Hos
"Well, finish It then, my dear.T
Why is a sohoolmastor like an snz
gine driyer2 One trains the mind.
the other minds the train.
Z" 'Tis false, as the girl raid when
her lover told her she had beautfal
hair.
Even Brigham Youhg's wives arc
affected with the military Spirit
They call their husband Briggy. dear.
A grocer advcrtises thus: "Hams
and cigars, smoked and unsmoked--
by Jonathan Brown"
Soft soap in some shape pieascs all;
and generally speaking, the more lye
you put into il the better
When mast marine suffer most
from unroquitcd afTection2 When he
is attached to a vessel that IS attach-
ed to a wharf
He who crcols perpendicular line
upon horizontal one, makes right
angle; he who fishes for trout with a
naked hook, makes a wrong angle.
"There, Johu, that's twice you've
come homo and forgotten that Lard"
ala, motheU, it was so greasy that it
slipped my mind"
Why is the suspension of the ha-
beas corpus act in Ireland beneficial
to the Fenians2 Because it quiekens
their apprehonsions.
Ina country ehUrchyard this cpl
taph may be seen: "Here lies tho
body of John Robson, and Ruth, his
wiic.' Undor meath is the mottos
"Thor warfare IS ended"
There's no place like home, says
tho poet. Right unless it's tho
house of the young. woman you're af-
ter. This is an exception, of course.
A man one night was climbing an
ovcrshot wheel. He said he was try
ing to get up to bed, but somehow
or other the stairs would not stand
still,
An old bachelor, being laughed 40
by party Of pretty girls, told them
they were "smoll potatoes" eve
maybe small potatoes" cried one,
"but We are sweet ones,
A smart young lawyers clerk,
hearing it stated by lecturer that n
"man is merely a machine, y remark
ked, "Then suppose an attorney
may be said to be merely suing ma
chine"
The printers out West must live
we'll. The editor ola Western paper
says: "The printer wants grain,
pork, tallow, candles, whisky, bSs-
wax, wood, and anything else that car
be eat.
A class of young girls being exam.
ined in political economy, we're asked
How is Congress divided =? " With
an air Of confidence, a sweet sixteen
replied "0ivilizod, half civilized
and savage"
A tipsy loafer mistOok a globe
lamp with letters on it for the queen
of night. ~ am blessed, said he,
"if somebody hain't stuck an adver-
tisement on the moon"
A lady seeing drunken man in
gutter, said she was afraid he was
dead. Pat, who had been near enough
to smell his breath, exclaimed, Faith
aud L wish | had half his disease"
When We picture the hundred or
moro trunks that ladies travel with,
says Punch, wO cannot help rejecting
how happy is the elephant, whose
wife when on journey, only has one
trunk
An American was asked what he
tho't of the famous statue Of Venus
de Medici, and he replied; 'Waal,
stranger, guess don't care much
for those stone.gals."
A writer, dwelling upon the imPor-
lance of small things, says "that he
always takes notice even of q straw,
especially If there happens to bo
sherry cobbler at one end Of it"
!. "What is the reason that your
Ewife and you always disagreed" Ask
cd one Irishman of another. ''Be-
cause We are both of one mind. She
wants to be master and so do IT,
An oVer-excited down east editor,
Who sends US his paper regularly ey--
cry week, relieves himself Of the fol-
, lowing beautiful comparisons. aThs
gorgeous strings Of glass beads slist-@
: sned on tho heaying bosons Of the
village bellies, ike polished rubies
resting on the surface Of warm appla
dumplings," just so
Z" Bob, that's a iine horse you have
I there how much is he worth q"
"Throe hundred and iity dollars.p
/ "No, notsO much as that Z"
q 4Yes, every ceut ofits and another
atty on the top Of il.
"Are you sures"
eYss, I'll swear to its
@All right s
eWhy aps you 90 d-----a iDquisi.-