The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1866-03-09
Madam Scandal.

land, there lved.a aged couple whose time hat
passed away since early youth, in the every day
| round of farm life, and who had never been
known TO have the least ill-teelng toward each
other, since the good old time when good old
Parson Heriot had united them in the holy bonds
of wedock, twenty-five years before. So vel
was the fact of their conjugal happiness known
that they were spoken of far and near as the hap.
pest pair in England. Now, the Devil (excuse
the abrupt mention of his name) had been trying
for twenty years to create what is called "a fuss
in the family between these old companions
But much to his modification, he had not been
able to induce the the old gentleman to grumbIe
about breakfast being too late or the old woman
to give a single curtain lecture.
After repeated efforts, the Devil became dis
couraged and had he not been person of great
determination, he would doubtless have given
up in despair. One day he walked along in
very surly mood, after another attempt to get
the old lady to quarrel about the pigs getting
into the yard, he met an old lady, neighbor OF
the aged couple. As Mr.. Devil and the neighbor
were particular friends, they must needs stop
Oh the way and chat little.
Good morning, SIR said she, land pray what
on earth makes you look so bad this morning p
Isn't the controversy between the churches doing
good service?'
Yes
''Isnt Deacon W. making plenty of bad whis-
ky?"
Eyes"
"Well what is the matter, my highly honored
master g
Everything is going on well enough, replied
the Devil, but land he looked sour mon
key on a crab apple tree) old Blueford and his
wife over here arc injuring the cause terribly by
their bad example; and after trying four years to
induce them to do right, / must say I consider
them hopeless"
The hag stood a moment in deep thought.
Are you sure you have tried every way!
Every way can think OF"
''Are you certain -
Yes"
"Wel, replied she, AZ you will promise to
make me present of new pair of shoes, in
case | succeed, / viii make the attempt myself,
and see if l can raise quarrel between them"
To this reasonable request the Devil gladly
sented. The old bag went her way to old Blue
ford's house, and found Mrs. Blueford busily en-
gagged in getting things ready for her husbands
comfort on his return from work After the
usual compliments had passed, the following dla-
logue took place;
We'll, friend b., you and Mr.. b. have lived
long time together"
Five and twenty years, come November re
piled Mrs. 3.
''And all this time Won have never had quar-
rel 81
"Not one"
Il am truly glad to hear it," continued the
bag. Il consider it my duty to warn you,
though this is the case, you must not expect it
to be always. Have you not observed that of
late Mr.. i. has grown peevish and salien ut
lines ?"
"a very little So observed Mrs Bluetord.
81 knew it," continued the nag land let me
warn you to be on your guard"
Mrs. Il. did think she had better DO SO, and
asked advice rs to how she should manage the
ease.
Have you not noticed" said the nag, that
your husband has bunch of long, harsh hair
growing under the chin the side of his
throat? ?"
YES"
'These the cause of the trouble, and as
ong as they remain, you had better look out. Now,
Is a friend, l would advise you to cut them off the
first time you get chance, and thus end the
rouble, and as long as they remain, you had bet
er look out"
Soon after this the hag started for home, and
made it convenient to meet Mr.. B. on the way
Much the same talk in relation to bis domestic
happiness passed between him and the old wo-
nan.
but, friend Blueford," said she, Il think it
my duuy christian to warn YOU to be on
7our guard for tell you your wife intends your
uin
Old Mr.. b. was very much astonished, yet he
Gould not wholly discredit her words When he
reached home he threw himself on a bed in 1er-
,lexity, and feigning himself asleep, studied the
natter over in his mind. His wife thinking this |
good opportunity for cutting off the obnoxious
lair, took her husbands and crept softly to
lis side. Now the old lady was much frigntened |
It holding razor so close to her husband |
leck, and her hand was not steady as it once |
vas; so, between the two, she went to work |
very awkwardiy and pulled the hairs, instead of |
cutting them off b. opened his eyes, and there !
tood his wife with razor at his throat After |
What had been told him and seeing this, he could
Tot doubt but that she intended to murder him. |
lie sprang from the bed in horror, and no ex- |
,ianation or entreaties could convince him to the
contrary. So from that time there was Jaw, |
aw, quarreling and wrangling all the time.
With delight the Devil heard of the faithful |
missary, and sent her word if she would meet |
lim at the end of the lane at certain time, he |
would pay her the shoes. At the appointed time |
he repaired to the spot, and found the Devil at /
he place. lie put the shoes on a pole and stand
ng on the opposite side of the fence handed |
hem over to her. She was very much pleased |
With them-they were exactly the article
''But there is one thing, Mr.. d. would like |
o have explained: that is, why you hand them
o me on stick 2"
VERY easy to EXPLAIN replied he "any one
Vho has the cunning and meanness to do as you
ave done, don't get nearer than twenty feet to
ne. 80 saying, he fled in terror.
Alter while the old woman died and when
ne applled Tor admittance to the lower regions
he Devil would not let her in, for fear she might
ethrone him, as she was so much his SUPERIOR
20 the OLD woman Is yet condemned to wander |
yer the world, creating quarrels and strife in |
eaceful families and neghborhoods
Would you know her name?
1t is Madam Scandal. When she died the
Dung scandals we're left orphans, but the Devil.