The Van Buren press., 1866-09-07
Who bese desc Local Editors I!


street, over the canal. who was iaboring
under considerable excitement. Regoniz
ing Hazen. he stepped up to him with the
exclamation
"Who pese desc what you call local ed,
tors
"Dey pick up items,' said the officer,
" deadhead into shows. DC
"Dey pick items l 'ink so. Is gold
watch items Is sixty tollar items =?
Hey p
lie was asked to explain what he meant
which he did as follows
"Ds morning, as was drinking lager
nit mine vricnds all tho vile in mine sN-
loon, und in gomos a young man--py tam
he was another such nice young man wot
dcrc never vas already--and he pulls out
a little shcepSkir book and a leal pencil,
and he says he besc local editors, and he
wants me TO tell him all vot there wos pout
the ,ow nit mine beer saloon last night !
asks hlm what kind o business hc Wos to
,a,t row, py tam. wot kind Of light?'
Und he says he reports um il 4e pa
pcrs'
$50 tells him all vot | don't know
poul the rows wot Some tam rowdieS tried
TO kick out of mine saloon last night
Uni mine poarlers gets around uud dey
dell % ore tings vot retoiiects, and de
nice Young maa he sticks rm down in his
sheep skin pook m. his lead beuol. Der
he drinks glass lager, which he don't let
himself pay for, ~ tam-I felt sure as
never was, he was one little newspaper fell
low, when he didn't pay nit mine lager,
but ia; makes noting Inference. Dere' S
noprincipIe in dat--and den he goes out,
and oont sees him agin all de while
Den, one of mine poarders he finds
himself stolen away from his fine gold
watch, by tam. Und my ncighbor Schmidt
he found sixty tollar wot he hadn't GOT
F." The nice young man, who pretended to
be = local editor, was pickpockct," said
Hazeu, who took that means to carry on
his trade, md he succeeded pretty well if
he got a gold watch and sixty dollars
g" | tiuks he succeeded pretty well mine
got DE next time man comes in my
saloon nit his tam shecpskn pencil and
lead book, and says he is local editors, py
tam he don't comes in :
CoNUYpRuMs.-Why is a colored wait
or at one Of our dining saloons Ike what
Jones wife gave him, when he retuned in
toxicated from the club because he's a
right small Cuff.
Why is sailor taking soundngs Ike
man moulding bullets Because he's
casting tho lead.
Why is a popular actor like an earth
quake Because he brings down the
house.
Why is man with the itch ike pluckv
prize fighter? Because he's ready for the
scratch.
Why is mcnding stockings like blasphc-
my? Because 1t is darning what is holy.
Why is a frozenin canal boat like Ab-
solem? Because it's caught in the ocks.
Why is man who has struck oil Ike O
prophet? Because he has angulel we'll.
Why is seamstress like pick pocket
Because she cuts and runs.
Why is life like a paii Of plaid panta.
looms Because 1t is chequerej
- Boy with ragged trowsels and rim.
less chip hat, runs into DR.. Fnller's drug
store with dippcr in hand:
" Doctor, mother sent to tho shottl cary
pop quieker'n blazes, cos buo's sick with
the picken chox. and she wants a thimble.
iui OF polIysolic in this tn dipper, cos we
hadn't bot gottle, ond the kint pups got
the blne Writers in it--got any ?"
-" Sam why don't you talk to mas
so and tell him to lay up treasures in
heaven p "What de use OBJ laying treas.
u'eS dar, when he ncber see um ag;n?'
- An Old bachelor says of all the so.
lem hours he ever saw, that occupied in
gong bone one dark night from the i'd
ow Beans, after being told by her daught-
tr reauy that he needn't come again,
was the most solemn.
- Mitouwas asked Glow is it that
IN some countries king is allowed to take
ms placa on The throne at fourteen wears
but may no; marry until he is eighteen
Because" said the poet 1t is easier 10
mahaG government than a woman.
- A young lawyer calls his mag1aee
Certificate "a writ OF attaind her.
- When man is saddled with bad
wife. there arc sure to &c stir aps in til,
;smiy
--- Lots wife must have been seisl
woman, for she aidu't want any one tC
share her Lot with her.
--- At what hour did the devil maxi
his appearance in the garden Of Eden
Some pirc during the night. lie certain
ly came sfte. Eve.