Des Arc citizen., 1866-04-07
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

arrested fer stealing lumber.
 ' Did you say that my brother Jim didn't know as much as Smiths yellow dog? "No; l aaid that Smiths yellow dog know more than your brother Jim"
 -ssHow late is itg'v sLook at tho boss and see if he's drunk yet fine isn't it can't be very much after eleven.o "Does he keep good time?'' .ssplendidl they regulate the town clock by his nose" .is gu1sf sl-psa
 --An advertisement in q Philidelphia paper read as folows:-- as -" "Stolen q watch worth hondred dol lars If the thief will return it, he shall be informed, gratis, where lie may steal one worth two ofit, md no questions asked.'
 Mrs. Smith, herring strange sounds, inquired of her new servant if she snored in her sleep. a Na
 q don't know, mar.n, replied Becley quite innocently,s Inever lays awake long enough to discoyer"' sa
 -They manage things funnily in Ca1ifor nia--military funerals for instance After burying the deceased husband, the band comes back and serenades the widow. ..a
 -Littlc three year old Jennie was playing very roughly with the kitten earring it by the tail. Her mother told her that she would hurt pussy. "Why, noI won't,'' said she; ''Fm carrying il by the handler" ess
 If the Atlantic telegraph were success ful, how could intelligence through so salt U channel be frosh2 M M8a s sgsia v. q.s'l'm attached to you, and yet wish myself away, as the overloaded donkey said to the cart
 Itis right to take pains, but wrongto break windows
 Put terrier into Q room with rats and he will make a dead set at them, and dead set of them.
 "A new mode of dispensing mob has been dscovered-said to supercede the neces- sity of a military force. It is to pass rounda contribution box m
 -----"Alay I leave Q few tracts?" asked . medical missionary of lady, who responded to his knock. ssLeave some tracks--c certainly you may" said she, looking at him most benie- nly over her specs: s1eave them with the hee,' towards the house, if you please. Twenty-Five men have died during the year over 100 years old, aud the same number of females. slave woman in Virginia attain ed the age of 127 another in Louisiana PA, and one 20.
 -An Irishman, in the time of reviyals, had joined the Church. Sometime afterwards, . piously inclined person was exhorting him on the subject of religion, when Paddy indig- nately answered: Sure, an didn't iine the Methodist? Faith, an did joined for six months an behaved 50 well they let me off with three.
 ----some papor says that we should only elect tried men to office; to which the Albany Knickerbocker replies, sthat is being done in this county. One of the candidates for the Assembly has been tried four times-three times for swindling, and once for bigamy.'
 "F Fred" the prince of wags, was getting home rather late, and little happy; when passing by a dark alley, q large, two-fsted fellow stepped out, seized him by the collar, and demanded his money. ssMoncy! said Fred, money, I have none; but if you. will hold on moment, I will give you my note at thirty days"
 "A tailor while travelling on the lakes, was lately asked by Yankee where he lived, and what his buisness was &c., to which he replied, that he lived in Toledo, and that his profession was '.sitting on tho right side of poverty, and jerking out tho cords of afliction."
 Two gentlemen were lately examining the breast of plough, on a stall in market place. sI'll bet youa crown" said one, ssyou don't know what lis for, Done, said the other, ssit is for sale" The bet was paid
 --A humorous fellow, subpGned as n witness on q trial for an assault, one ofthe counsel who was notorious for brow-beating witnesses, asked him what distance lie was from the parties when the assault happened. He answered; "Just four feet five inches and a half?' s'How came you to be so exact?'' said the counsel Because expected some fool or other would ask me, and measured it''
 A NOBLE SENTInENT.--Some true heart has given expression to it's generous nature, in tie following beautiful, noble sentiment: . Never desert friend, when enemies gather around him when sickness falls on the heart when the world is dark and cheerless-is the time to Fly n true friend. They who turn from tbe scene of distress betfay, their hypoc- ris. 7, and prove that interest only moves them If you have friend who loves you and studies, your interest and happm mess, be sure to sustain him in diversity | ct him feelthat his former Kindness is appreciated, and that his love IS not thrown away. Real fidelity may be rare; but it exists in the heart. Who has not seen and felt it's power? They deny its worth and
 a,,-o, who have never loved a friend orlabored L T l