The Van Buren press., 1866-09-28
How q Sexton Looks at it.

acquaintance that | had not seen for many
years. lie was sexton and dug graves for
those who died in tho village. 1t was a
seaport, and tho oldest son ofmy friend
was sail-maker, while the youngest son
kept a small hansss shop, mainly for the
purpose of accommodating few farmers
who traded in the village Jlnthc'course Of
the evening / inquired how The world had
used my Acquaintance, and whether he
managed to make both ends meet. .,4,..
It's hard work" he said " the Yard
has been doing nothing almost all sum.
mer. Inever knew healthier season. 1t
.wonld seem as if no more wtro going to
die. But then," he added we rub along
hopes of better times d .1.'a
The sailmaker remarked, f." all kinds of
business is. dul'; ! have not had much
more than half month, but I'm in hopes
the heavy blow of the last two or three
days, will send in some torn sGils."
just at this moment the harness maker
came in and told his father that Farmer
Stcl'b's horse had run away, and smashed
the ha n ,ss all to pieces.
That {. q Job for YOU" said /, ths old
man, with something like glec, and added,
" have you heard whether Squire Anderson
is likely to live ~ Tu.iA
1T Is thought replied the son, =" that
he cannot live beyond a day or two, at the
farthest,'' t.>,r --,.. .....
"Well," said the father 81 suppose we
all mnst die sometime The squire has
got a nice burial lot, only it's little hard
digging but his folks won't mind paying
a little extra ,'.s m.t
l only staid one night with this amiable
family. left by the first train in the NOR
ming, deeply impressed with the sentiment
of the old saw, I" It's an i'll wind" "&c.-
The Tramp. ." F.'i.a'
- a prying girl found herself in a
very tight place, on the occasion of grand
ball given at the Athenaum, Sunderland,
England, when all the youth, beauty and
fashion of the district were gathered to
gether. In the midst of the amuSements
of the night, when the enjoyment was at
its height, arlump Of plasie' fell from the
ceiling on the head of a young. lady who
was playing the "light fantastic toe" to
the music of the " Pest Horn Galop." A
scream-a swoon--a removal from the
marble l,all " threw the whole company
into CONSERVATION, which, snbsiding into
curiosity, the spectators looked up and be-
held lady's leg dangling down below the
ceiling All hands aoft, was the cry,
and soon it was discovered that the sundry
servant maids, coyeting sight Of tho bali,
had sealed the heights to crafty their de-
sire at a ventilator when one of them
"putting her foot in IT, made the awk-
ward exhibition alluded to. She was ex-
tricated from her predicament little, worse
for the display Of her " fantastic toe
- A little 6 irl, after having been to
church was very fond Of preaching to her
dolls. Her mother overheard her one day,
Ieproving. one for being SO wicked. doh,
You naughty, sinful child" She said, shak-
ing it's waxen' limbs You'll Just go to
that place of birthstone and molasses, and
you won't bum pp7-youll just sizzlc.
"A Justly celebrated Presbyterian minis
ter, who had shocked often times the sense
Of Propriety Of his congregation by, the re-
peatcd use Of exaggefating EXPRESSIONS 50
unnatural as to border on untruthfuness,
was araigned before the judicial tribunal
of the church, charged with language un-
becoming his profession. After much ex-
postulation with tho clergyman, they ro-
quired promises of amendment for the fn-
ture, and were taken com mpletcly by surprise
to hear the ministey .exclaipl in all sorrow
and sincerity .s. E,. l...
4" Bretheren, this great sin hos caused me
untold misery, and my utter inability
to control myself in its commission has
caused me to shed barrels of tears.
The bretheren gave him up in despair,
foregoing all hope Of curing him of this
diseased manner of expression
-" Sally said a fellow to girl.
who had red hair, keep away, or you'll
set mo on fire."
No danger of that you're too green
to burn replied sally. Fygg
- Pa" said little Charlie, to his pa.
ternal ancestor, holding upa Sunday school
picture hook. "What is that p
That, my son is Jacob wrestling with
the angel" hwaaa4sd ,sl.
-"And which licked y innocently inqui
red the young hopeful. .
--- Brewers languagc--lIe- brew.
- A bad household management
Mis-. management. ~
-- A Quaker loves tho ocean for its
broad.brim. el..a
- A race Of sculptors-the Chipaw'
Indians. M ts
When gamblers marry, they rare.
jy announce no cards"
- II you want to borrow money Of q
sick man address his cash.ear.