The Van Buren press., 1866-10-19
IN ---0he Of the professors of the most
noted university of the "0ld Dominion y


toriGrs as. beng not only the sparies,, but
'hcmcst pronismg young man in college,
was invited to deliver the 4th of July ora
tion on the occasion of the celebration of
that oyentiul day. o lie had proceeded in
his speech, much TO the qualification of his
auditors, and was IUgaling their fancy by
drawing largely upon their imaginatons by
dhatins upon the probable limits of this
the 4" best government tile world ever saw"
To illustrate ms idea The omniprcsent bird
was brought ihtorequisition, and was made
to view the Atlantic, fly majcstically by
the Pacific perch Itself on the frozen peaks
of the north, and sport amid the luxuriant
foliage of the south, at last to circle in
graceful gyrations over the National Capt.
tol. llonthe t'fighty' orator was lost in
tho mists of his own imagiuings, and the
poor eagle was left uncomfortably located
mid mir" waiting the pleasure of the ora
tor TO come down. He was however relic
we'd from his dilemma by one of his audi-
ence who Yelled, "-D-nit, take that bird
down and send up another ~ ~
- The metal most men have in them
is brass A't'+
-vThc song OF the ship caulkcr :.
" Come, 0a-kum with me !''
- When You cannot see both ends,
the middle is uncertain. s.
- \ jealous man poisons his own
banquet, and then partakes of it.
- Why is the letter y ike an ex-
travhgaat daughter ? Boceu8e it makes pa
pay. U'1at .u
When is man not man? When
he is little hot rise.
Folly is the queen of the w9ld; we
oil, morc'or less. wear her orders, and her
bells. ,..,.4. ......,... t...
a wave by which many n poor fell
low has been carried away. The wave of
handkerchief. r,l1 Dab
A =" breyet husband is tho titlo
now given to men who are not married but
ought to BE-
A householder, in describing a horse that
was pretty well used up, said he looked as
If he had been editing daily paper. .
Why is the tread mill like true con-
vert Because its turning is the result of
conviction.
A genius has been lecturing on Man
hood, without regard to either Of the
sexes" ~ .. .4H vo'
No man is happy without a dclusion of
some KIND. Decisions are as necessary to
onr happiness as realities, '''!.
The country is a sugar plum, which
should be taken when we want tho bitter
pill Of city HE to so down easily.
We pass our lives in regrettng the past,
complaining of the present, and induiging
false hopes OF the future. ..s
The cheapest excursion you cal. make is
into Che realms of fancy-no return tick
cts required, and collision won't Kill you.
Some wretch of punster says the re-
criminaious Of married people resemble
the sands ON the seashore- being the muf-
muis Of tide. r1#l .lo-
We'll, Mr., Tree, if you're about to
leave, ! shall inain your trunk - cxclaim-
ed an incensed lady to her lodgcr who was
slightly in arrears.
What bird is that which is absolutely
necessary that we should have for our din
ner, and yet neither need be cooked. nor
served up? a swallow.
"Will you not venture apon one ithesc
oranges ?" said lady to Leigh Hunt
Excuse me, madam" he replied, Il am
afraid ] should fall off" -
spodgers although holding ticket for
the moonlight excursion was very anxious
for q shower on Wednesday, so that he
might say :" it is laundering hot"
a bachelor Of thirty years writes to the
country gentlemen for receipt for bean
soup. Alaay correspondent replies, "Got
o wife that knows how to make it,
Thosewho are very difficult in choosing
wife seem asii they would take none of ma
turcs ready made works, but want wo-
man manufactured particularly to their Or
der.
G.. Rosaphat has a plan for paying off
the national debt. His proposition is to
convert the entire Indebtedness into green
backs and keep them in circulation until
they naturally wear out.
An impcrtincnt young fellow offered TO
be. the teacher OF q young ladies' gram.
mar school, who was boosting OF the bro.
fciency Of his pupils. that none of them
would decline husband
"Sam, said m other to one Of her eve.
ry obedicnt " sons, one. day, chow many
logs have you sawed to day. eh?'' "Why,
marin, when I gets this un and three 9th
erssawed,I'll have four" Ia ffl
Apoor lrishman who applied for q IL
censo to sell ardent spirits, being question
cd as to his moral fitncss for tho trust, re.
plicd An, sure, it's not mich Of char.
actcr d hiaA needs to sell vnm !"