Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-01-04
MADAM SCANDAL.

| the time when Ola FarSon HerIOt had uni
ted them III the holy bonds Of wedlock,
twenty-five years before. So well was the
fact of their conjugal happiness known
that they were spoken of far and near as
the happiest pair in England. Now the
Devil (excuse the abrupt mention Of his
name) had been trying for twenty years
to create what is called a fuss in the
family" between these old companions
But, much to his modification, he had not
been able to induce the old gentleman to
grumble about breakfast being too late OF
the old woman to give single curtain lee
| ture
After repeated efforts, the devil became
discouraged, and had he not been person
of great determination, he would doubtless
have given the work up in despair. One
day as he walked along in a very surly
mood after another attempt to get the old
| lady to quarrel about the pigs getting into
| the yard, he met an old lady, a neghbor of
the aged couple As Mr. Devil and the
neighbor were very particular friends, they
must needs stop on the way and chat lit
! tie
Good morning, sir" said She and
pray what on earth makes you look so bad
this morning Isn't the controversy be-
tween the churches doing service 2"
Yes"
"Isn't Deacon W. making plenty of bad
whisky ?"
Yes
Well, what is the matter my highly
! honored master p
! Everything is going on well enough"
replied the devil, but (and he looked as
! sour as monkey on crab apple tree old
Blueford and his wife over here are injur-
ing the cause terribly by their bad example;
and after trying for years to induce them
to do right, | must say | consider them
hopeless"
The hag stood a moment i'll deep thought
Are you sure that you have tried every
way 2"
Every way | can think Of"
Are you certain"
Yes"
Well" replied she, if you will prom
ise to make me present of a new pair of
shoes, III case | succeed, | will make the
attempt myself, and see if can raise a
quarrel between them"
To this reasonable request the devil
gladly assented The old hag went her
way to old Blueford's house, and found
Mrs Blueford busily engaged in getting
things ready for her husbands comfort Oh
his return from work After the usual
compliments had passed, the following d.
alogue took place:
well, friend B., you and Mr. B. have
lived long time together ?"
Five and twenty years, come Novem-
ber," replied Mrs B.
And all this time you have never had a
quarrel r
" Not one"
Il ain truly gIad-to hear it," continued
the hag. 8" consider it my duty to warn
you though this is the case, you must not
expect it to be always. Have you not ob-
served that of late Mr. B. has grown peev-
ish and sulIen at times 2"
A very little So" observed Mrs Blue
ford.
4" | knew it, continued the hag and
let me warn you to be on your guard"
Mrs. B. did think she had better do So.
and asked advice as how she should man
age the case
Have you not noticed" said the hag,
" that your husband has bunch of long,
harsh hair growing under the chin, side
of his throat p
Yes"
These are the cause of the trouble, and
as long as they remain, you had better
look out. Now, as friend, | would ad-
wise You to cut them off the first time YOU
get chance, and thus end the trouble, and
as long as they remain you had better look
out"
Soon after this the hag started for home,
and made it convenient to meet Mr. B. Oh
the way. Much the same talk in relation
to his domestic happiness passed between
him and the old womau
But, friend Bluetord, ," said she, e think
it my duty as christian to warn you to
be on your guard for tell y0u your wife
intends your ruin
Old Mr.. B. was very much astonished,
yet he could not wholly discredit her words.
When he reached home he threw himself
on bed in perplcxity and feigning himself
asleep, studied the matter over in his mind.
His wife thinking this good opportunity
for cutting off the obnoxious hair, took her
husbands razor and crept softly to his side.
Now, the old lady was much frightened at
holding a razor so close to her husbands
neck, and her hand was not so steady as it
once was ; 50 between the two, she went
to work very awkwardly, and pulled the
hairs, instead of cutting them of. Blue
ford opened his eyes, and there stood his
wife with razor at his throat After what
had been told him and seeing this, he could
not doubt but that she intended to murder
him. He sprang from the bed i'll horror,
and no explanation or entreaty could con-
vince him to the contrary. So from that
time there was jaw, jaw, quareling and
wrangling all the time.
With delight the devil heard of the sue
cess OF the faithful emissary, and sent her
word if she would meet him at the end of
the lane, at a certain time, he would pay
her the shoes. At the appointed time she
repaired to the spot, and found the devil at
the place. He put the shoes on pole, and
standing on the opposite side of the fence,
handed them over to her. She was much
pleased with thcm-thcy were exactly the
article.
" But there is one thing, Mr. Devil,
would like to have explained that is, why
YOU hand them to me on a stick ?"
"Very easy TO explain" replied he, "any
one who has the cunning and meanness to
do as you have done, don't get nearer than
twenty feet of me" So saying, he fled in
terror
After a while tha old woman dird and