Charles City intelligencer. [volume] (Charles City, Floyd County, Iowa) 1864-1866, 1866-03-08
THE CHEMIST.
RY CLARA AUGUSTA,


Mr.. Charles Drown was a chemist.
He spent his life in experiments. 1t
doubtful if he could have existed apart
from them. He boiled, and stewed,
and compounded, and triturated, and
evaporated constantly. He would have
distilled himself in some of his retorts
if by any means he could have been
apprised of the result after it was all
over.
To person who had any nerves it
was agony to be in his company.
Webster and Worcester combined new
er dreamed Of such string of fearful
words as he would manage to hitch to-
gether with which to entertain his un-
fortunate listeners.
Mrs. Ellen Pike, blooming young
widow Of thirty, was his landlady.
She had boarded him for five years,
and still lived which ought to be con-
vincing proof of the tenacity with
which life clings to us. ..
Nothing but the fact that Mr.. Drown
paid his boaad with regularity, aud
that he was bachelor, prevented Mrs.
Pike from giving him warning to seek
other quarters.
Everything in the house bid fair to
be ruined, on annihilatcd by his expe
riments. He had melted all the pew.
ter---turned the silver black-ana.
lyZed the tea-pots until one day the
bottom fell out of the best one when
the widow was pouring the tea, and
the hot water flew all over very Sc
lect company of guests--scalding Mr..
Drown scverely-frightening the wild
ow nearly out of her senses, and skin
ming the back of the cat so etfectually
that there was a light stripe there for
a year atterward.
Everything that was susceptible of
rust was rusted. He was continually
trying the strength of his acids and
the widows best china was fine car
color from the effect of alkalies. The
widow herself began 10 look yellow
under the chemical atmosphere that
filled the place.
Still Mr.. Drown persevered. The
cause of science was glorious one,
he said a mans life could not be bet.
ter spent than in devotion To such a
noble cause.
What mattercd it if his hair stood up
like bristles, and his face bore all the
colors Of the rainbow, and his coat re-
minded one of Joseph's, what matter
ed it if he could tell the specific gravi
ty of all known substances, and the
chemical equivalent for the same
Ever since Mr.. Drown had boarded
at the widows that lady lad had q
very constant visitor in Miss Sarah
Stelle, a lady of rather doubtful age
who, people lnaliciously said, was
seeking for a husband. But as Miss
Stelle was a very intimate friend o
Mrs. Pike, it is by no means singulaI
that she should take pleasure in visit
ing her frequently, and getting cul
of young hyson.
One afternoon, she came for a friend
ly visit, accompanied by a married ac
| quaintance--a Mrs. Kinks.
Dear me-" said Miss. Stelle to the
widow, chow | do wish | could sec
the inside of Mr.. browns laboratory
I've heard SO much of it, and am sucl
an admirer Of such things! Don't yo'
think he would let me?"
my dear Sarah," remarked Mrs
Kinks, who as an intimate friend ne,
er lost the opportunity of saying a disa
greeable thing" people say it is rath
er unsafe for women to visit chemi
cal laboratory
"Why, pray 2" inquired Miss Stell,
"Why, they say the gases Will b
sure to reveal the fact if one uses cos
mctics."
Miss Stelle blushed even througl
her rouge and pearl powder.
"Then yoa had better keep away !
she retorted spitefully.
Mrs. Kinks smiled-she knew til
shot told, and was happy. Wome
are such amiable, good-hearted ere;
lures, you know!
At supper, Mrs. Pike broached til
subject.
MIR. Drown" these ladies hay
heard SO much Of your laboratory tha
they would like peep at its myster
es."
"Oh, Mr.. Drown" said Miss Stel
with animation, g. am sure it woul
| be so nice perfectly dote on retort.
and cruciblcs, and such things 1t
such a charming pursuit! You mus
be perfectly happy !"
"Yes 'em. 1t is delightful /! | quit
agree with you! | am pleased to lin
, a person of your sex sensible enong
to express such an opinion No lady
education should be considered con
plete without thorough knowledge
chemistry. Why, chemistry, man,
the very e.sundation-corner stone I
cookery what would the world be wit
, out it? A waste-a desolate waste
D unfit for the habitation of man !! /"
: $50 You will let us go in, will you
: said Mrs. Kinks.
= "Of course To be sure |! sha
: feel honored am just making :
{ experiment with a detonating powde
|, something entirely new. 1t will asto
ish the world yet One of my own
It ventions Beautiful experiment Mi
u Stclle, ! know you will be charm