The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-11-13
NUMBER 81
HUMOROUs ITEMS.

A country boy who had read of sail
ors heaying up anchors, wanted to know
liz it was sea-siekness that made them do
it.
| A Worthless MILLIoNAIRE.-One Of
these deyotees to mammon once receiy ed
lesson from humble follower, who did
not seem to pay him, the possessor of the
purse, sufficient homage. He said, DO
you know, sir, that ] am worth one hun
idred thousand pounds?n aYes," said the
irritated but not broken-spirited respon-
dent, 81 do, and know that is all you
are worth -. 50
"A quaint old Methodist preacher of
Texas, years ago, used to announce his
text thus You will find my textin the
eight chapter Of Isaiah, ninth verse;
And eff you don't find it thar, you will
find it, Of you hunt the Book thlD ugh
from Ginnesis to revelations; and eff you
don't find it then you will find great
many things which will do you power
of good.''
"Bcbby, why don't you go home and
have your mother sew up that hole. in
your trowsers?' "Ohi go along, old ,wo-
man, our folks are, at the sewing grcircle,
wor king for the heathen.' g,ss
+ Uncle Sam had neighbor who was in
the habit Of working on Sunday, but afs
ter while he joined a church.. One day
he met minister to whose church he
belonged. asa N ss3ss8 ssssfe
aWell Uncle SAM" said be ado you
see any difference in Mr.. p. since he
ljoined the church, 50
"Oh, yes,a said Uncle Sam, ,,agreat
difference. Before when he went out to
mend his fence on Sunday he carried his
ak on his shoulder, butsnow he carries it
under his oyercoat. akwK
A littls girl, after having been to
church, was very fond Of preaching to
her dolls Her mother overheard her
one day reproying one for being wicked.
"Oh, you naughty, sinful child, ? she said
shaking her waxen limbs, you'll just 60
to that place of birthstone and molasses
and you won't burn up-you'll just siz-
zle.n
| TIoHr LAoINa.-'Dr. do you think
that tight lacing is bad for consumption
Not at all-that is what it lives on.'r
| GENT.-"What is your name?''
! Darkey-"Sambo, Sar, is the Chris
ltlan name towhich I respon's.'
SWELL, Sambo is your master q Chris'
| ltian2''
iSambo-'sNo sar, he's member Of
Congressl"
An apprentice sailor boy.falling from
the "round top" to deck, stunned, but
little hurt, the captain exclaimed in sur
lprise:i'Why, where did you come from?"
"From the north of ireland, yer honor!'
was the prompt reply as the poor fellow
lgathered himself up.
| Dobbs says if marriages are made in
| heaven he is sorry for it-for that very
many alliances reflect ne great credit on
| the place. Dobbs was locked out, tho
other night, during "thatrain."
sSay, Billy, what you done with that
air sorril mare of yourn?"
sSOld her." said William, with smile
of satisfaction.
"Wod't you get2''
aHund'd an fifty dollars, cash down. y
r "Howl Hund'd and fifty dollars for
t that old kickin', spawn critter? Who'd
J, you sell hersa.to2m -
r "Sold her to mother
! "When goes shoppin, = said an ols
j lady, Il alters asks for what wants
and if they have it. and its suitable, ant
: / feel inclined to buy it, and it's CHEAP
! and can't be get for less, / most alters
: take itwithout chappering about it al
. day, as some people do"
If An effected singer at concert, thu
e other night, was told by a wag in the'au
. dience s'to come out from behind his nost
d and sing like other people, -
q isWhy is the indorser of note called
: surety2 Because he is almost sure Il
+. have to pay it.
J.. A Frenchs journal tells a. little stor
% about a lady:
Il "When | was first married was on %,
" knees before my husband from mornin
/ till night 1t was perfect adorat:o
and incessant delirium-an inexpressibl
bliss. | shoWered caresses upon him;
l. could have eaten him. "And now?
w asked friend. 81 am sorry didn't
40 Down ON HIM.-On one occasion Lol
= EMO Dow, while preaching, took the lii
70 !, erty Of denouncing a rich man in th
is i,s community, recently deceased. The n
:, suit was an arrest, a trial for slande
~ and Imprisonment in;the county jail
} After Lorenzo got out of his sslimbo" /
7, announced that, in spite of this. Gin m
- - opinion unjust punishment, he sheul
81 preach alta given time sermon abol
another rich man The populace wel
h greatly excited, and a crowded audient
re- greeted his appearance. With great s.
i lemnity he opened the bible and read
ba sAnd there was another rich man WI
. died and went to-" then stopped sho
na and seemed suddenly impressed. sBretl
q Iren, I shall not mention the place th
If rich man went to for fear he has sol
w relatives in this congregation who "
At sue me for defamation of character -
ge A down east editor says he has Sc
le. the contriyance which our lawyers U
when they swarm up with the subject
He says it is glass concern and hol
lei Eahnnt a mint