Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-06-21
Mark Twain at Honolulu.

with an eccentric steed, which had been
furnished him by the landlord Of the
American Hotel. Honolulu. The party Of
which /" Mark was to have made one, had
started considerably in advance, on an ex-
cursion to Diamonds Head:
The landlord Of the American said the
party had been gone nearly an hour, but
that he could give me choice Of seven
horses that could easily overtake them. L
said, never mind preferred a safe horse
TO a fast one-I would ike to have an eX-
cessively gentle horse-a horse with no
spirit whateyer-a lame one, If ne had such
a thint. Inside of five minutes | was
mounted, and perfectly satisfied with my
outfit | had no time 10 label him, {. This is
horse" and so, if the public took him for
sheep, cannot help it. | was satisfied,
and that V A. the main thing. | could see
that be had as many file points az any man s
horse, and just hung my hat on one of
them, behind the saddle, and swabbed the
per piration from nay face, end started. |
named him after this island Oahu" (pro-
nOunced 0Awaw hoo). The first gate he
came to he started in; / had neither whip
nor spur, and so | argued the case with him.
He firmly resisted arguments but ultimately
yielded to insult and abuse. He backed out
Of that gate and started for another one on
the other side of the street l triumphed
by my former process. Within the next six
hundred yards, he crossed the street fourteen
times, and attempted thirteen gates, and, in
the meantime, the tropical sun was beating
down and threatening TO cave the top of my
head in, and | was literally dripping with
perspiration and profanity. Il am only
human, and | was sorely aggravated; |
shall behave Better next time) He quit the
gate business after that, end went along
peaceably enough. but absorbed in medita-
ton l noticed this latter circumstance,
and it soon began TO fill me with the grayest
apprehension. / said to myself, this malig-
nant brute is planning some new outrage
some fresh deviltry or other; no horse. ever
thought over a subject so profoundly as this
one is doing, just for nothing The more
this thing preyed upon my mind. the more
uneasy | became, until at last the suspense
became unbearable, and dismounted to see
if there was anything wild in his eye-for |
had heard that the eye Of this noblest of
our domestic animals is very expressive.
cannot describe what load of anxiety was
lifted from my mind when found that he
was only asleep. / woke him up and start
born villainy of his nature came out again.
He tried to climb over stone wall, or 3
feet high. / saw that must apply force to
this horse, and that | might as well begin at
drst as last. | plucked stout switch from
tamarind tree, and the moment he saw it
he gave in. He broke into convulsive sor'
of a canter, which had three short steps in
it and a long one, and reminded me alter
nately of the gathering shake of the great
earthquake, and the sweeping, plunging of
the jax in storm.
If you get into conversation with stran-
ger in Honolulu, and experience that natural
desire to know what sort Of ground you are
treading on, by finding out what manner of
man your stranger is, strike out boldly, and
address him as Captain" Watch him
narrowly, and if you see by his countenance
that you are on the wrong track, ask him
where he breaches. It is a safe bet that he
is either missionary or captain of whaler.
am now personally acquainted with seven
ty-two captains, and ninety six missionaries
The captains and ministers form half the
population the third fourth is composed of
common Kanakas and mercantile foreigners
and their families, and the final fourth is
made up of high officers of the Hawaiian
Government. And there are just about cats
enough for three apiece all around.
solemn stranger met me in the suburbs
yesterday, and said
"Good morning, your reverence. Preach
in the stone church yonder, no doubt?'
"No, don't. Pm not a preacher"
Really, | beg your pardon, captain. l
trust you had a good season. How much
oil -"
COL? Why, what do you take me for
Pm not acwhaler."
.'Oh, beg thousand pardons, your Ex-
cellency Major General in the household
troops, no doubt. Minister of the Interior,
likely Secretary of War? First Gentle
man of the Bed-chamber ? Commissioner
Of the Royal -4-'f 1G cd or ogC4 5000
"Stuff 5 man. I'm no official. Pm not
connected in any way with the Govern
ment." ,-.....,.
Bless my lifel Then, who the mischief
are you? what the mischief are you? and
how the mischief did you get here, and
where in thunder did you come from ?''
g I'm only private personage-an un-
assuming stranger - lately arrived from
America"
mo? Not missionary not whaler
not member of his Majesty's Govern
ment not even Secretary of the Navy !
All, Heaven it is too biissful to be true ;
alas, do but dream. And yet, that noble,
honest countenance-those oblique, lngenu-
Gus eyes-that massive head, incapable of
~-Of-anything; your hand give me your
hand, bright waif Excuse these tears. For
sixteen weary years | have yearned for a
moment like this, and -"
Here his feelings were TOO much for him,
and he swooned away. l pitied the poor
creature from the bottom of my heart l
was deeply moved. L shed a few tears on
him, and kissed him for his mother. then
took what small change he had, and
" shoved.Ps .ar - ,rg r. f.,- tq.-.-l4 ~.