The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1866-12-13
Patent Sermon,

= the same was puDll6heQ aDouG Ine GULL
mencement of the late war; but we re.
produce it, because of its innocent but
genuine humor. It was first published
in that excellent paper, the Edgehed AZ
veTtiser, sometime in tho year 1862. N o
originality is claimed for the words OF the
text, but for tho thoughts suggested by
the "te1t," we do claim originality, and
that it eulansted from the humorous brain
tof one of our own townsmen.-Ed. Lda-
lrensvilIe Herald.
| The last sermon I preached you, my
dear brethren was on the subject of sper-
rits In that discourse, told you of the
different kinds of sperrits, even the sper-
rits of just men made perfec. "For there
were nine of them all standin' round the
door, and the last one of them said they
would take sugar in their'n, and little
boy, only eight yeara old, says he, pap,
| I'll take little if itkills me-" :, :,
And in the present discourse l will tell
you of the use that is made of sperrlts. In
the first place my brethren here are the
candydates who don't use these gifts OF
Heaven in their purity, nor as mater ana
their own feelins dictate, but they are in
the habit of pouring out tangle-leg, buck
eye and strychnine whiskey in KILN doses,
and they are gulped down by the people in
summer and winter, in seed time and in
harvest, and athe last one of them say
they will take sugar in their'n, and the
little boy, only eight years old, says he,
pap, Plitake alittfe if it kills me- /:
Now, my brethren, do, you suppose
these candidates. keer ftrShe good Of the
people or their internal Somfort7g No,
my brethren, if they had ely chance,
and they thought they could makeoany-
thing by it, they would take Teller of by
hisself and treat him to apop-skull, bust
head or red-eye; and there might be nine
of them all standin' round the door, and
if they were axt, "the last one of them
would say they wonld take sugar in
their'n.1" No, my brethren, they only
use sperrits to git votes, and not for the
genuine love of the sperrits themselves,
as they ought to, ''for there. were nine of
them all standin' round the door, and
tie. last one of them said they would take
sugar in their'n and Ia little boy, only
eight years old, says he, pap, Eli take
little if it kills me-"
But, my brethren, there lis another
class of sperrit-rappers who are very diff
ferent from the first class. The objection
1 have to them is that they are too keer-
full. IF you keep your eyes skinned, you
can most any time see one of these fell
lows slip off to the sperrit land, by hisself,
and under the pretense of the mully-grubs
or some other ailment, he will take four
finger load for his stomic sake. l have
seen them slippin' away from their friends
when "there were nine of them all stand
in round the door, and the last one of
them said they .would take sugar in
their'n, and little boy, only eight years
old, says he pap, I'll take little if it kills
me-"
A many hard-shell Baptist, blue-bel-
lied Presbyterian, cavortin' Methodist,
and high-falutin' Piseopal, belongs to this
sect, and they are expectin' some day to
"play npon harp of thousand strings
sperrits of just men made pertec@ But
in that day they will be disappointed,
"for they will be standin' round the door,
and the last one of them will say they
will take sugar in their'n," but there will
be no sugar.
But, my brethren, there is still another
class of sperritual people who are always
standin' round the door. Sometime l
want to ask one of my brethren to take
a drink with me-a drink with sugar in
it-and I can't, "for there are nine of
thom all standin' round the door, and the
last one of them say they will take sugar
in their'n, and little boy, only eight
years old, says he, pap, I'll take little
if it kills me-" These fellows, my breeth-
rem, never buy any sperrits Of their own,
but they drink the sperrits of everybody
else. In tho election times they stick to
the candydates who treats the most, and
they may be always seed standin' round
the door; they never loose sight, much
less smell of the critter, and they arc not
particular about having sugar in their'n,
but they had something rather; "for there
were nine of them all standin' round the
door, and the last one of them say they
will take sugar III their'n, and little
boy, only eight years old, says he, pap,
I'll take little if it kills me-"
In conclusion, my dear brethren, be-
ware of the candydates, look with a wist-
full eye upon the brother who drinks by
hisself, and you should happen to be at
the Court House, on sale-days, or elec-
tion days, tarry not in all the plains, but
fly to the mountains, "for there are nine
of them standin' round the door, and the
last one of them say they will take sugar
in .their'n, and little boy, only eight
years old, says he, pap, I'll take a little if
lit kills me-" But when you go to drink
drink o good artickel, and never go in
without akin me or some other one of the
brethren, "for there are nine of them all
standin' round the door, and the last one
of them say they will takesugar in their,n'