davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

RULES FOR HEALTH-DR. HALL S
STYLE.-Never go to bed with your feet
sticking out of the window, particularly
when it is freezing.
More than three pigs feet and half a
mince pie will not generally cause the
consumer to dream of houris, paradise,
accommodating bankers and other good
things; at least they are not apt to do
SO. sf74
Never stand in the rain barrel all
night; it checks respiration and spoils
rain water for washing purposes.
Never spank your children with a
handsaw or box their ears with the sharp
edge of a hatchet, as it is apt to affect
the brain. 1a
To enlarge the muscles of the arms
and legs. climbing up and down the
chimney Especially if the house is a
four story one) three or four times be-
fore breakfast, is cheap exercise and
gives voracious appetite.
Ear-ache in children is common and
vexatious complaint, To cure it at once
bore hole in the tympanum with a
gimlet, and pour in oil and things If
the child keeps on crying, bore all the
way to the other ear.
Corns may easily be cured. The most
torturing corn can at once be extirpated
as follows: Take sharp knife and find
the joint of the toe whereupon the corn
resides insert the knife in the articu-
lation, pry off the toe and throw it
away. 1t will never return to you
again. Ge
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

DIR. JULIEN PERRAULT, Doctor of Medicine
of the Faculty of Paris Graduate of the
University Queens College. and Physician of
the St, John Baptiste Society Of San Fran
cisco. - t
DR.. PERRAULT has pleasure to inform pa
tients. and others seeking confidential medi-
cal advice, that he can be consulted daily at
his office, Armory Hall Building, Northeast
corner Montgomery and Sacramento streets,
San Francisco. Rooms No. 9. 10, IL, first
floor: up stairs. entrance on either Montgom-
cry or Sacramento streets. sE
DR.: PERRAULT's studies have been almost
exclusively devoted to the cure of the vari-
-ous forms of Nervous and Physical Debility,
the results of injurious habits acquired in
youth, which usually terminate in impotence
and sterility, and permanently induce all the
concomitants of old age. Where secret in
trinity exists involving the happiness of a
life and that of Others, reason and morality
dictate the necessity of its removal, for it is
a fact that premature decline of the vigor of
manhood, matrimonial unhappiness, compul-
sorry single life, ETC., have their sources in
causes, the germ of which is planted in early
life, and the bitter fruit tasted long afterward
patients laboring under this complaint, will
complain of one or more of the following
symptoms: Nocturnal Emissions. Pains in
the Back and Head. Weakness of Memory and
Sight, Discharge from the Urethra on going
to stool or making water, the Intellectual
faculties are Weakened, Loss of Memory en-
sues, Ideas are clouded, and there is a disin-
clination to attend to business, or even to
reading, writing or the society of friends
etc. The patient will probably complain of
Dizziness, Vertigo, and that Sight and Hear
ing are Weakened and sleep disturbed by
dreams. melancholy, signing, palpitations
Paintings. coughs and slow fever while some
have external rheumatic pain, and numbness
of the body. Some of the most common symp-
toms are pimples in the face, and aching in
different parts of the body. Patients suffering
from this deasese, should apply Immediately
to DIR. PERRAUI.T, either in person or by let
ter, as he will guarantee a cure of Seminal
Emissions and Impotence in six to eight
weeks.
Patients suffering from veneral diseases in
any stage Gonorrhca. Gleet, Structures Bubo
Ulcers Cutaneous Eruptions, etc., will be
treated successfully. All Syphalitic and
Mercurial Paint entirely removed from the
system.
DIR PERRAULT's diplomas are in his office,
where patients can see for themselves that
they are under the care of regularly edu-
Gated practitioner. The best references given
if required.
Patients suffering under chronic diseases,
can call and examine for themselves. We
invite investigation claim not to know eve
rything nor to cure everybody, but we do
claim that in all cases taken under treatment
we fulfill our promises. We particularly re-
quest those who have tried this boasted doc
tor, and that advertised physician. till worn
out and discouraged, to callupon us.
Low charges and quick cures. Tifr-
Ladies suffering from any complaint Incl
dental to their sex, can consult the doctor
with the assurance of relief.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

A RAcY DEsoRIpTloN.-From the
treatise on races by Griswold, (the Fat
Contributor,) we quote paragraph or
so: ~ .ie4rs.r, ,.,-a a, -r
1 fatter myself that I know something
about the horse race. had passion
for horse racing when lad, and used
to run horses with neighbor's boy in
Tomkins' lane. How wildly do I re-
call my last race I rode the Govern
or's grass fed mare, sorrel roam, if I
remember correctly, with two white feet
in the forehead. She was little foun-
dered in one eye; but with the excep-
tion of something like waterfall on
each knee. her intellect was unimpaired
She was sired by Canal horse and id
by every one who drove her. Neigh
boris boy rode cream -colored chesnut,
with spring-halt to harness. On. the
the home-stretch l was a neck and q
half a shoulder blade behind, gently en-
couraging the old mare to do her level
best by the application Of corn cutter
to her aged ribs. The limp which she
had in her eye prevented her taking
clear view Of heap of cobble stones in
the land, and when she struck them
there was a stumble, clatter of horse
shoes and old bones, aud the old mare
was wrecked and no insurance. was
picked up bleeding and insensible, and
made the remainder of the homestretch
on stretcher, coming in under one
blanket. The race was decided in my
favor. The judge allowed, although I
was neck behind Ewhen the old mare
stumbled, but as I escaped without my
neck being broken, I came out neck
ahead. .,f-.,a.eas .fo.f
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25
before the mirror into a feudish look of

passion. aon 10 - e''a4f t5s.
sLandlord % said 1, with a fendish
gesture, 81 have been robbed in your
house-robbed sir, robbed! My pauta.
looms and purse containing three fifty
dollar notes are goue.s This is a pretty
hotel! Is this the way you fulfill the
injunctions of scripture2. lam strang-
er and have been taken with vengeance.
l will expose you at once if I am not
recompensed- si5lay.. ..qs - -s.
s'Pray, keep your temper" replied
the publican; 81 have just opened this
house, and it is getting good run
Would you ruin its reputation by an
accident? / will find out the villain who
robbed you, and 1 will send tailor to
measure you for your missing garments
Your money shall be refunded. Don't
you see your anger is useless p
"My dear sir,' l replied, "I thank
you for your kindness; I did not mean
to reproach you. If those trousers can
be done to-day, l shall be satisfied !;
time is more precious than money You
may keep the others if you find them,
and in exchange for the one hundred
and fifty dollars which you give me,
their contents are yours" 4a5 lai"
The next evening, with new mex
pressibles aud one hundred and fifty
dollars in my pocket, L called on my
guardian in Philadelphia for sixty dol
lars. He gave it with a lecture on col
legiate dissipation that 1 shall not soon
forget. enclosed the money back to
my honorable landlord by, the first post,
settled my other bill at old Crusty' $ and
got my trunk by rail. ui5s
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25
cHARoN.
BY THE LATE PROFESSOR AYrouN.

Why look the distant mountains
So gloomy and SO drear.
Are rain clouds passing over them,
Or is the tempest near.
No shadow of the tempest f,
Is there, no wind nor rain nj -l,a
lis Charon that is passing by .a7
With all his gloomy tram. o e..
The young men march before him,
In all their strength and pride; r
The tender little infants, 1r.l lr
They totter by his side !;
The old men walk behind him, goo A
And earnestly they pray 16r tn.
Both old and young implore him,
To grant some brief delay. #io-zi
80. Charon! halt, we pray thee. a.
By yonder little town,
Or near that sparkling fountain
Where the waters wimple down!
The old will drink and be refreshed,
The young the disk will fling,
And tie tender little children t.,. ..t
II will not stay my journey,
Nor halt by any town,
Nor any sparkling fountain
Where the waters wimple down;
The mothers coming to the well
Would know the babes they bore;
The wives would clasp thier husbands
Nor could I part them more"
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

MEN One WOULD MUCH RATHER
NOT MEET. Men who mix salad bet
ter than any other men.
Men who ask you to listen while they
read out aloud something they have
written themselves. ura =
Men who tell stories that run into
one another, SO that you find it very
difficult to get at the end of any of
them. .y.a .,s ,ss.s.t4
Hero worshippers.
Men who have quarreled with all their
relations. ....,
Men who have been betrayed and
abandoned in the most heartless manner
by all their friends.
Men who have been prosecuted and
swindled by a general conspiracy of ev-
erybody.
Men who initiate popular actors.
Men who are always asking "Don't
you think so?" '''
Men who are always putting a case ,
. Men who agree with you too much
Men who ''feel lmpelled to JOIN issue
with you there"
Men who are technically enthusiastic
on the subject of art without having
any practical knowledge of it whatever.
Men who go on drinking the best
wine you can set before them, and when
asked how they like it, reply 30, pretty
well; but the fact is, you know, it is
perfectly immaterial to me what I
drink" e.~et.
Men who have received atestimonial.
Men who quote Shakespeare. asa
Men who quote Byron.
Men who quote Artemus Ward.
Men who quote anybody. e
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25
One Hundred Years Ago.

One hundred years ago there was
not, single white man in Ohio, Ken
lucky, Indiana or Illinois Territory
Then, what is known now as the most
lfourishiug part of America, was as
little known as the mountains Of the
moon.
| 1t was not until 1896 that the hunter
of Kentucky, the gallant and adventur:
Gus Boone, left his home in North Car
olina to become the first settler Of Ken
ttucky. -''iH =" a'
The first pioneer of Ohio did not set
tie till at least twenty years afterwards.
A hundred years ago Canada belong
ed to France, and the whole population
of the United States did not exceed
million and half. 10 rHea 'S slirass' a
| A hundred years ago the great Fred
erick of Prussia was performing those
exploits which have made him immortal
in military annals, and with his little
monarchy was waging single-handed
contest with Russia, Austria and France
the three great powers of Europe COM
bined. 5sy z s7s- "a, 8 .is.5t--. -rr
A hundred years ago the United
States were the most loyal people of the
British Empire and on the political ho-
rizou no speck indicated the struggle
which, within score of years thereaf-
ter, established the great Republic of
the world. ..-
A hundred years ago there were but
four newspapers in America, with
combined circulation Of not 2,000.-
Steam engines and cylinder presses had
not been imagined, and railroads and
telegraphs had not entered the remotest
conception Of man. >
When we come to look back on it
through the vista Of history, we find
that the century which has passed has
been allotted to more important events
in their bearing upon the happiness of
the world, than almost any other since
the creation. Ai9h ID IS 30 sssr
| A hundred years hence who can fore.
tell our development and national great
ness. 2isF.a BTiis 3 rfP II 81 q
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25
Lovers in a Fix.-The Dangers of Pitch.
The Memphis Argus, of July I'd, re-

The Memphis Argus, of July I'd, re-
lates the following:
Night before last. as the moon rose over
the hills and tree tops, gliding the spires
of our beautiful city with her silvery
rays, there might have been seen upon
the roof Of an Egyptian cottage, which
is fiat and covered with pure white gray-
Ell and pitch, couple of lovers, seated
and enjoying the beauty of the scene,
and
.' Though few the hours, the happy moments few,
So warm with heart, so rich with love they few,
That their full souls forgot the will to roam,
And rested there as in a dream at home J"
The sun during the day had been
very warm, and thus they met to spend
the feeting hours of twilight, enjoying
the pleasant breeze that foated up from
the magnolia garden beneath, and in
terchanging those soul-longings and
warm affections for each other, the low
ers sat; with one arm he encircled the
waist of the beautiful creature at his
side. - eo9 .1 a2
g Her little hand lay trustingly, confdingly in his
and all passed quietly and lovingly un-
til the bell tolled the midnight hour.
;s None but the loving aLd beloved %. sH
Should be awake at this sweet hour"
The tolling ofthe bell reminded them
that =
s'Tirsd natures sweet restorer, palmy Sleep"
was requisite for lovers as well as 9th
ers. Still seated near each other, the
plighted vows were again exchanged
and sealed with kisses, like
s'Linked sweetness long drawn out''
At length, after many attempts to
sever these pleasant pleasures, the trans.
ported lovers found they were bound to
each other by more sticking bonds than
lovers VOWS. The hot sun had melted
the pitch, and the night air having
cooled the resinous matter, they found
they were "stuck fast" The young
gentleman first attempted to disengage
himself, but found, like Auut J Jemima's
plaster, 'the more you try to pull it off
the tighter it sticks the faster.'' The
young lady then attempted to get up
which she did minus the skirt of her
dress, and all her underclothes, as far
the "tilters.' In this plight she at.
tempted to relieve her disconsolate part
ner, but it was no use-he couldn't
come. After some parley, he came to
the conclusion he could manage it by
slipping out Of his pants. Accordingly
be asked of his companion if she could
lend him pair of pants until he could
go home. She thought her pas would
do if they were not too long. With
this information he slipped off his boots
and loosing his suspeniers, drew him
self out of his pants as easily as possible,
and the disconsolate couple took them
selves down stairs in very blushing
manner. The lady procured as quickly
as possible pair of her fathers pants,
which were run into pretty quick, and
the Adonis decamped with his pants
rolled up about six inches. The joke
was too good to be kept by little and
little it leaked out until the truth had
to come to exculpate the happy inno-
cents. rl ais ss 80 ..r.-z a Gans
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

How THE PARsoN Cor EXCITED.
A few years since, near the City of
N, in Connecticut, lived and preach
ed old Parson B. who was bit excita-
Bile and near sighted. One day he had
been the city with his horse, and among
his purchases was barrel of flour, tie
head Of which was partially out.
On the way home the old man was
overtaken and passed by fast young
man, driving fast horse and putting on
much'' airs. Now, the parson s
horse was usually quiet, steady ami
NAL enough, Tut he couldn stand that
sort Of thing so he started after him
of the fast order in 2:40 good earnest
The jolting of the wagon at length jar
red the head completely off the barrel,
and the strong wind which was blowing
directly after the parson, blew the -four
all over him and the horse. At last the
fast young man was left and the village
reached, but the speed of the horse was
not checked. In driving through a
street to reach his home, he came in
contact with one of his deacons, who
was naturally surprised to- see his min
inster drive at such pace, and signal
ed him to stop. 'Why, Parson B.,''
"what on earth is the matter? You ap-
pear greatly excited" "Ex ited," yell
ed the old man, excited! Who wouldn' t
be excited-snow storm in July Get
up Dobbin !" The Deacon smiled, but
was silent. t-.i
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25
Female Monthly Pills.

DR.. PERRAULT is the only agent in Califor-
mia for DR.. BRIoT's Female Monthly Pills.
Their immense sale has established their rep
utation, as female remedy, unapproached,
and far in advance of every other remedy
forssuppressions and irregularities, and other
distractions in females. On the receipt of
five dollars, these Pills will be sent by mail
or express to any part of the world, secure
from curiosity or damage,
Persons at distance can be cured at home
by addressing a letter to DR.. PERRAULT, cor
ner of Montgomery and Sacramento streets,
Rooms. 10 and IL, or Box 973, P. o. San
Francisco, stating the case as infinitely as
possible. general habits of living, occupation
ETC., etc. a.-
All communications confidential.
je23:1y.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25


A NATURAL MIsTAKE.-A few days
since, young, fashionably attired, lady,
while standing in front of a store in
Broadway, dry,goods clerk who hap
pened to be passing at the same time,
with the curiosity natural to his calling
stopped to admire the fabrics exposed
in the window. While thus engaged,
he raised the lady's dress to examine
the material more closely. The lady
became alarmed, and called for police
man, whereupon the young man, in the
greatest possible confusion, explained
that he thought "that she was merely a
show-6gure, dressed up by the owners
of the store" Under such circumstan-
ces, an apology was deemed sufficient
atonement for the injury done,
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

WHAT A WRETcH.-The hoop skirt
peddler in Iowa, who SO nicely fitted the
article to the fair forms of her custom
ers, turned out to be a masculine id
feminine apparel! He ought to be con-
demned to wear hoop'skirt for the re-
mainder of his life. r ss'
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

"WHo's there?" said Robinson, one
cold winter night, disturbed in his re-
pose by some one knocking at the street
door. , i,e-.sf
ga friend" was the answer.
"What do you want?''
"Want to stay here all night"
"Queer taste of yours, amt it? But
stay there by all MEANS" was the be-
nevolent reply
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

GEN. SHERIDAN has been recently
pleased by the repartee of Texas pa
per, which quoted his jest that eff he
owned Texas and Tophet, he, would
rent the former and live in the other
place" and curtly added, 'sD-n man
that wouldn't stand up for his own
country"
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

The recklessness which frequently
possesses men while in battle is well H.
lustrated by soldier, who, loading and
firing with all his might, while his fel-
lows were falling around him, exclaimed
"Boys, ain't this hi! amt it bull
ly J" A certain German took a differ
ent view on another occasion After a
series of hardships and reverses, and
while the battle was still in hot progress
he belched forth, 'sGot tam Christopher
Columbus, he discover Amerikee j"
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

INDIANAPOLIS is determined to hear
both sides. Among the lecturers an
nounced for next seasons course, are
Alexander H. Stephens, Fred. Doug
las, Horatio Seymour, Wendell Phil
lips, john B. Cough and P. T. Bar
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

The English Society for promoting
Christian knowledge are advertising
"Hymns for use during the cattle
plague, with music" A reprobate
suggests that they are probably to be
sung to the "tune that the old COW died
on" ---------
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

: "YoUR house is on fire, sir" said a.
stranger, rushing into the parlor Of q
oon1t clsiIep- sir 10 ss1aslt- sI,t ssssi
"Well, SIR, was. the answer of the
latter, "tos what cause am dindebted
for the extraordinary interest whicb
you take iu the affairs of my house -
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25


New TAxEs.-For each curl on a
lady's head, above ten, FIVE cents. -
For wearing low-necked dress, one
dollar.
For wearing hoops larger than eight
feet in diameter, eight cents for each
hoop a lr
For sleeping in church, ten dollars
For seeing lady home from church,
twenty cents la,ar hea
For every filtration, ten cents.
For kissing pretty girl, one dollar.
Each pretty lady to be taxed from
twenty-five cents to twenty five dol
lars, she to fix the estimate of her own
beauty. ''5a 50 -a ..'
Old bachelors over thirty are taxed
ten dollars, and sentenced to banishment
to Utah.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

FOUND Two Two worthy officials
of certain town, finding a drunken
man lying in a-secluded spot, approach
ed him. "Is not that Isaac?" remark
ed one. "No, tits Abraham" said the
other. The drunken man raised him
self on his elbow as best he could, and
said: 81 am (hic) neither Abra (hic)
ham, Isaac (hic) nor Jacob-but Saul,
the son of Kish, seeking (hic) my (hic)
fathers asses. Lo Pve found two of
them p .r te..r e,
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

MoTHER-"Now, George, you must
divide the cake honorably with your
brother Charlie.
George-"What is (" honorably,"a
mother p bas.ag.i. 81 ! .i4i1-tas ga.
"1t means that you must give him
the largest piece" sogl''., .a.. Is. 8
George -"Then, mother, I'd rather
Charlie should cnt it. /" ID ssa.ss 81.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

G5- From and after this date all Sherif7s
Constables' and other legal sales. advertised
in the CHRONICLE, must be paid for on the
day Of sale, punctually. We hold none but
The officers responsible for their payment.
@- Transient advertisements must be paid
IN advance. Job-work paid on delivery, in
uariably. l
S- All regular advertisers will be requi-
red to settle on the first of every month. Our
city advertisers will be required to pay up
every three months.
Ms- Advertisements will becontinued until
ordered out and collection enforced. All ad-
vertisements should have marked upon them
the number of insertions required.
w. There will be no deviation from the
above established terms and rules of business
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

WHERE 1T BEG1Ss.-Dr. Wing, be-.
ing asked where young lady's Waist.
began, replied, "At the altar. The mo-.
ment they have yen trapped, they come,
down upon your pocket book like hawk
upon May bug. After they are mar
ried they are all scaste." What q libel
GUS fellow! -. s.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

.A1rrrrE wrong done to another is 4
great injury to yourself.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25
JOB PRINTING.

All kinds of JOB WORK executed with
neatness and dispatch. and ON moderate term
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25
An Agent Wanted,

I'M THIS TOWN,
TOR HOWE'S CELEBRATED DOUBLE
i Thread Sewing Machines: also. the i'm
proved Bay State and New England Single
Thread Sewing Machines. Country Mer-
chants will please address or call on
.5-,.-. r.. DEMING & CUTTER.
No. 8 Montgomery Street San Francisco.
jy7:lm.
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25
United States Internal Revenue
WILLIAM f. COTTON,
Deputy Collector

FOR THE
THIRD DIVISION OF THE THIRD COL
LECTION DISTRICT IN THE STATE
OF CALIFORNIA,
Consisting of the county of Calaveras.
Office at the Court House, Mokelumne Hill.
Mok. Hill, March Oath, lS65.-1m
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25
Superintendent Of Public
Schools.

NTOT1CE IS HEREBY GIVEN THAT
all communications to the Superinten-
dent of Public Schools of Calaveras county
should be addressed F. o. BARSTOW,
Mokelumne Hill.
Nok. Hill, March 10, 1S66.-tf
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25
French Medical Office.

DR.. JULIEN PERRAULr Doctor Of Medicine
of the Faculty of Paris, Graduate of the
University Queens College. and Physician of
the St, John Baptiste Society Of San Fran
cisco. .. - Hc l'l
Weekly Calaveras chronicle., 1866-08-25

! A RAcY Description. From the
treatise on races by Griswold, (the Fat
Contributor,) we quote paragraph or
The New era. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1865-1871, 1866-09-06

WE take the following items from
the shepherdstown Register of last Sat-
urday:
1--WE are glad to learn that the Pres
ident has recently pardoned Hon. A.
r. Boteler, Of this place, who came UNI
der the excepted class, mentioned in
the Amnesty Proclamation, of having
been member of the Confederate Con-
gress. Mr.. B., it will be remembered,
had also been member Of the Both
Z. S. Congress.
The able Presbyterian Divine, Rev.
DIR. Stiles, has been preaching in the
Presbyterian Church in this place, ev-
cry morning and night, for the past
week. The congregations were very
large and much interest prevailed.