The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1866-07-05
VOLUME 27.1.


macy.
On the 31st of December last Mr. Ingot
Beardmore found himself, as usual, at The
Paddington Station, looking for an empty
compartment, for his own company had got
to be very pleasing to him. Having at
tanned his object, and relied himself up in
the corner of the carriage in several great
coats, with his feet upon hot tin, and his
hands clothed in thick mittens, and looking
altogether like a polar bear who liked tc
make himself comforta ble--when everything
was arranged, | say, to the old gentleman's
complete satisfaction, who should invade
his privacy, just as the train was about tc
start, and the whistle had sounded, but one
of the most bewitching young ladies you
ever set your eyes on!
Madam, this carriage is engaged, growl
ed he, pointing to the umbrella, carpet bag
and books, which he had distributed upon
all the seats, in order to give it that APP
pearance.
Only engaged to you, l think sir, replied
the charmer, flippantly. Happy carriage
| wish | was. Isn't that pretty.
Mr.. Beardmore had never had anything
half so shocking said to him in all his life,
and if the train had not already been set in
motion, he would have called upon the
guard for help, and left the carriage forth
WITH. AS it was, he could only look at
this shameless young person with an ex-
preston of the severest reprobation. At the
same time his heart sank within him at the
reflection, that the train was not to stop till
he reached his Reading.
What indignities might he not have to suf-
fer before he could obtain protection She
was a modest looking young lady, too,
very simply dressed, and her voice was par
ticuiarly sweet and prepossessing. notwith
standing the very dreadful remarks in
which she had INDUCED Perhaps she was
out of her mind-and at this idea Mr.. Ingot
Beardmore broke out, Notwithstanding the
low temperature, into very profuse per
spiration.
Now, what will you give me for a kiss,
you old-you old polar bear p asked the
fair stranger, playfully as the train flew by
| Eating.
Nothing, madam, nothing am aston
ished at you,' answered Mr.. Beardmore,
looking anxiously round the carriage in the
desperate hope of finding one of those newly
patented inventions for affording communi
cation with the guard.
We'll, then, I'll take one, and leave it to
your HONOR continued the young lady, with
a peal of silver laughter and with that she
lightly rose, and before the old gentleman
could free himself from his wraps or ward
her off with his muffetees, she had imprint
ed kiss upon his horny cheek. Mr.. Beard
more's breath was SO utterly taken away by
this assault, that he remained speechIess,
but his countenance was probably more
full of expression than it had ever been in
his life. oh, no, l am not mad, laughed
she in reply to it; although have taken
fancy to such wonderful old creature
Now, come, if kiss you again, what will
you give me !?
4 shall give you in charge to the police,
madam, the instant that arrive at Read
ing
Give me in charge! What for you Gu
rious piece of antiquity.
For an assault, madam yes, for an as
sault. Don't you know that you have no
right to kiss people without their consent i'll
this manner !?
Here the young lady laughed so violently
that the tears came into her eyes
DO you suppose, you poor old doting
creature, that any body will ever believe
such story as that? Do you ever use
such thing as looking glass, you poor
dear? Are you aware how very unprepos-
sessing your appearance is even when you
don't frown,-as you are doing now in a
manner that is enough to frighten any one?
You have, of course perfect right to your
own opinion, but if you suppose the police
will agree with you, you will find yourself
much mistaken. The idea of anybody
wanting to kiss you will reasonably enough
appear to them preposterous.
What is it you require of me, you wick
ed creature? cried the old bachelor, in an
agony of shame and rage.
| 4 want payment for my kiss. To gen
tleman at your time of life, who scarcely
could expect to be so favored, surely it is
worth-what shall | say Five pounds
What Not so much Well, then, here's
another for your other cheek Like a flash
of lightning, she suited the action to he1
words. There, then, five pounds for two,
and won't take q shilling less. You will
have to give it to the poor's box at the DO
lice station, if not to me. For | intend il
case you are obstinate, to complain of your
disgraceful conduct to the guard at the first
opportunity. shall give you into custody
sir, as sure as you are alive. You will be
put upon your oath, you know, and all yor
will dare to say will be that l kissed you
and not you me. What roars of laughter
there will be in court, and how funny it will
all look in the papers, Here the young
lady began to laugh again, as though she
had already read it there. Mr.. Beardmores
grim sense of humor was, as usual, accom-
panied by keen dislike of appearing ride.
ulous. True, lie hated to be imposed upon
still, of the two evils, was it not better tt
pay five pounds than to be made the laugh
ing-stock of his bachelor friends, who are
not the sort of people to commiserate one il
misfortune of this kind
In short, Mr.. Ingot Beardmore paid the
money. Mr.. Thomas Whaffles found hi.
guest that evening anything but laxative
There was select party of the male Sc,
invited to meet him, by whom the rich ole
drysalter was accustomed to be regarded al
an oracle but upon this occasion he haC
nothing to say; the consciousness of having
been done oppressed him. His lips wer
tightly sealed his cheeks were still glow
ing from the audacious insult that hat
been put upon them his fingers clutche,
the pocket book in which there was fv
pound note less than there ought to be-
But when his host and himself was let
, alone that night, seeing the old year Out
and the new year in his heart began t
thaw under the genial influences of friend
ship and gin punch, and he told his late ad
venture to Tom Whaffles, not withou
much enjoyment of his own mischance
4 could really almost forgive the jade
5 said he, for having taken me in SO cIevery
y l dare say, however, she makes quite
profession of it; and that half score
e old gentlemen have been coerced before no,
4 into ransoming their good names as die
, And yet she was as modest and ladylik
h looking girl as ever you saw.
n Was she anything like this . inquire
y Mr.. Whafles, producing photogr rph.
d Why, that's the very girl = exclaime
IS the guest. 'Ha, ha ! Tom so you, to,
1t have been one of her victims, have bee