Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1866-01-03
From the American Union.
PILLsBuRY RUNS FOR OFFICE,

Mister Editur:--Sense last writ you
I've ben and made burned fool of my
self. And here let me remark by way of
apology, that in my humble and candid
opiyun there aint nobody on the face of
the earth but what at some time or other
goes and makes darned fool of their
selves. Anyhow, Mister Edytur, SIGH is
my ecksperyence ;-"Can you look me in
the Ease and say the same, Jenno ?" as the
old song sez?
"a hoDist confesshun is good for the
SOLE" (once sed Captin Kidd to a we'll
known Boston pollytishun. when the cap
tin was tryin to git the aforesed pollytis-
shun to confess that he was the wusser pi-
rit of the two D-and | am therefore 20.
in to make a clean brest eff it. and stait
wearein and how muchly I've ben a fool.
| haint gone to drinkin tavern wbiskey
! i haint ben maxim love to another mans
wife Il haint ben bettin on dorg. fte
or hoss-trot Il haint bort lottery tick.
ct nor share in any lie company IL
haint gone into the noosepaper biznis.with
the cal'lation of maxim my fortin thereby
i haint joined no mcetn- house IL
haint subscribed for the N. Y. Herruld
-haint ben runnin arter widders nor
milliners nor haint ben patronizin law
yers and poor-houses, nor dokters and Sec
tons but, Notwithstanding the above, |
have made darned fool of myself. I've
undertook 60 it alone, and got ukered.
GENTLE reeder, shalt tell thou what I've
gone and ben and did ? Listen then. I've
ben runnin for offs But my legs warent
long enough, and my wind warnt good.
Therefore the tother feller got the best of
me, and this is how it all come about.
Arter l writ you my lasl, thort I'd
run up home to Canaan, Vermont, and
see how matters and things was Citing
along, and spend few days in visitin, sell
a few pills, and make myself jinerally
useful
When | got there l diskivered that the
whole town was in an uproar. They was
going to choose new board of Selickmen
in about weeks, and they was pullin
and haulin to see who it was best to nom
mate. They agreed pretty we'll as fur as
the tail end of the ticket was concerned,
but they was skwabblin about who shood
head the ticket The orthodox folks wan.
It'd Deekon pilkinhorn, and the fint-lock
Baptists wantid Dokter Amariah Pettin.
gill. Pollyticks warn't nowhere the
meetin-houses had took the thing into
their own hands, and the way they fit
and jawed wood have done kredit to cat
tite. The parties was about ekally divid-
ed, and there didn't seem to be no more
prospect of their agreeing than there was
of their bein struck by litenin. But when
got to town, they was holding cawcus
in the skule-house, so | went in to see the
fun. The mint they sot ise on me, there
was profound sensashun" as the report
ers say. Deekon Pilkinhorn invited me
up to take sect in the desk with him
and the orthodox minister, and Abijer
Snodgrass hollered out, Three cheers for
our beloved Pillsbery p which cheers was
gin with tremenjus effekt, jarrin half the
plasterin down onto the heds of the cav
eus.
Miss Square Baxter got up at onct, and
sez she, Sisters and Burrethering, we
have now ben in seshun uppards OF three
daze, and altho we've argi6ed and explat-
terated this great queshun with all the
powers God has gin us, we are no nearer
a settlement than when we fust began for
man is a Gurus critter AMI desputly wikkid
and will not be led nor taut, but is rebel
lous and stiff-necked and goeth his own
way even like his counterpart.the swine
propose that we compromise. Let Deekin
Pilkinhorn and Doktur Pettingill with
draw their names, and let us nominate
and unite upon our old feller townsman,
Jabez Pillsberry, Esquare, for fust Selick,
man."
81 agree" sez Deckon Plkinhorn.
Dokter Pettingill then got up, and sez
he, .-
my friends, this is kase of konshense.
(The idee of dockter's having a kon-
shense J II will konsent to withdraw
in favor of eny honist, respectable man,
but | cant withdraw in favor of Mister
Pillsbury. He is engaged in the manu-
fakter and sale of vile and worthless
kgack meddysin, which is feerfully de-
moralilin to the bowels Of the human rase
and which interferes with the legitymate
biznis of eddicated fzzyshuns, and fre-
quently brings the profeshun into con-
tempt. And, besides this, Mister Pills.
berry don't belong to our meetin.house.
Therefore this is kase Of konshense, and
cant consent to withdraw"
The Dokter sot down. ..
Mister Edditer, I'm materially peese-
man, and haint got waspish disposition,
but that speech was more than Good stan.
Under any other sarkumstansis | shood
have deklined to run, but was determined
to give that doktur SWEET. So got up
and sez,-- ...