Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1866-06-28


shall break my neck with this SET"
The fire made sgain, Mr.. Keith besliodght
him of dinner. lie looked at his time-pcce
it was one o'clock. Almost time for callers
What shoald he have for dinner? He had
heard his wife say that rice pudding and boiled
potatoes and 5roied steak
He filed the basin with rice, stirred in lit
tie sugar, dropped in an egg and set the vesse!
intothe oven. The potatoes he washed in soap
suds that they certainly might be clean, and
put them into the teakettle that they might
boil quicker.
The steam was frizzling in the frying-pan,
and he was proceeding to set the table when
the bell rang.
He caught up the pan from the fire to keep
it from burning-and made haste to the front
door. Then he remembered it would not be
Just the thing to go to the front door with a
frying-pan in his hand, so ne deposited it on the
parlor sofa, and answered the ring.
Mrs. Nudge was on the steps, dressed in her
best.
Yes, dare say stammered Keith, "my
wife is absent, and / am playing Bridgit.-
Walk in"
Mrs Nudge sailed into the parlor, which was
darkened to exclude the sun, and without
stopping to look at her seat, sunk into the fry
ing-pan Oh the sofa.
jupiter !" cried Mr.. keath, you have
done it now!'
Mrs. Nudge sprans up; the grease dripping
from the silk on the carpet Her face grew
dark. She was tempted to say something cut
ting, but managed to control herself; bowed
haughtily, and swept out of the house.
Keith returned to the kitchen little crest
fallen, for Mrs. Nudge was lady before whom
ho desired to appear particularly well.
There was tremendous cracking in the
oven. He thought of his pudding and looked
in. The burnt rice had hoped all over the
oven; the basin had melted apart, and the
pudding was not done lie shut the doorupon
the ruins in disgust, and looked after his pota-
toes only to find them boiled to perfect jelly.
And Just as he made the discovery there was
a sharp peal at thu door bell.
"Creation there's that abominable bell a.
gain. wish folks would stay at home. I'll
lock all the doors and cut all the bell-wircs af-
ter to-day" AT the door he found Mr.. and Mrs.
Fidget and their children.
H.. NJ Iyo;4l, hon, i ,-a,t do on
cried Mrs Fidget. eve were in town, and
thought we'd just step in to dinner. Where is
Mrs Keith?"
"she's gone away" said Keith rucfully,
wondering what he should feed on walk in,
do, am the housekeeper to-day"
Yes, so should Judge. But Of course you
make splendid one. remember you used
to be telling Mrs. Keith and myself how very
easy housekeeping must be. It.must be mere
play to YOU. Don't put yourself out, l beg" +"
"Put myself out indeed" cried Keith, re-
treating to the Kitchen. "Good gracious,
what shall do Id give hundred dollars if
Mary was only here. Where shall begin p
cloth then took off the plates and put on a
cloth, and the very one he had wiped the dish
es on. The task completed, he put on some
more potatoes and some more steak-burned
the steak to undertook off his potatoes
when he did his meat, and put all upon the
table, There was loaf Of bakers bread in the
cupboard; he paraded that and called his
guests to dinner.
4 quisical smile spread over Mrs. Fidget's
face at the sight ofthe rcpast Keith was in
cold perspiration.
"Ma, my plates all greasy, and SOS my knife.
| can't eat on dirty dishes" cried little Johnny
Fidget.
"And my fork is wet all over with water
that's dropping off the table cloth ; and my Ia
ter amt half billed, cried little Jane Fidget.-
A slight noise in the kitchen drew the attcn-
ZION of Mr.. Keith
Jupiter cried he, if Mrs. OTlaherty's
dog amt making off with my steak"
He Jumped from the table and started in hot
pursuit. The dog made the best Of it; Keith's
unaccustomed attire was sad drawback, and
he made but little headway
"Kill him. he yelled to the crowd that
joined in the pursuit; "I'll give fifteen dollars
for his hide"
Mrs. OFlaherty herself appeared on the
scene with skillet of hot water.
"Tech him if yer dare% she cried. an
break the bones Of every mothers son Of yees.
Stand from forninst or yen rue the day
Keith took step forward, stepped on his
skirt and pitched head first into wine cellar,
where half dozen men were playing cards
"The devil in petticOats," exclaimed one
gamester, and the place empticd quicker than
wink.
The police picked up Dir. Keith, oonsidera-
bIv bruised, and carried him home. His COM
psnv had taken their departure, and somebody,
not having the fear of the law upon them, had
entered and stolen hundred dollars worth OF