Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1866-11-07
Miscellaneous Heas,

human; boarding is simply animal,
What did Lot do when his wife
turned to salt? Got fresh one.
Tea kettles are decidedly Yankee in
their melody; they sing through their
noses.
If a b'gamist were sentenced to live
with bis two wives in the same house,
The crime >vosald s0On become extinct.
An Irishman, having been told that
the price Of bread had fallen, ,exclaimed;
"This is the first time ever rejoiced
at the fall Of my best friend"
One of the Oldest papers in the
world, the PostSeitung. of Frankfort,
established in IGl6, has just disap-
peared-suppressed by Bismarck.
fyour sister, while engaged with a
sweetheart, asks you to bring glass
Of water from an adjoining room, start
on the errand, but you need not re-
turn. You will not be missed. Don't
forget this, little boys.
Miss Smith asked 'the pleasure of
Captain Jones's company to tea" At
the time appointed the Captain, being
in command of the = Rifles, made his
appearance with the whole of his
company in parade dress.
speaking of shaving" said pretty
girl to an obdurate old bachelor, 81
should think that pair of handsome
eyes would be the best mirror to shave
by" "Ycs, many poor fellow has
been shaved by them"
Squabbles, an old bachelor, show
his stockings, which he has just darned,
TO a maiden lady, who contemptuously
remarks, pretty good for man darn
er. Whereupon Squabbles rejoins,
"Good enough for woman, darn her"
A would,be agreeable, taking his
seat between Madam de Stael aud the
reigning beauty Of the day, said, "How
happy am to be thus seated between
wit and beautyw "Yes," replied
Madame dc Stael, "and without pos
sessing either"
a squaw in Central Michigan had a
pappoose on her arm, exceedingly
white for a member of its race, which
fact induced a gentleman to ask if it
was not a half-breed? Whereupon
she said; "No, not a drop of white
blood about it-half Ingin and half
missionary"
81 wish ] could prevail on neighbor
Binder to keep the Sabbath" said
good Mr. johnson. pIll tell you how
to do it," exclaimed incisive young
Smith; "get somebody TO lend it to
him, and III be bound that he'll keep
it. He was never yet known toretuq
anything that he borrowed"
4 O'Connell, in addressing a jury,
having exhausted every ordinary cpl
thet Of abuse, stopped for word, and
then added, this nan-frageous ruffian.'
When afterward asked by his friends
the meaning of the word, he confessed
he did not know, but said, che thought
it sounded we'll"
At an assemblage of few friends,
one evening, the absence of lady
was noticed, which was apologized
for by an acquaintance, who stated
that she was detained by an interesting
little incident. "Ah, yes" exclaimed
Mrs John Smith. "and q beautiful
little incident it was too-weighing
just nine pounds and half"
A. physician passinga stone mason's s
shop called out: "Good morning, Mr..
lD.--hard at work see. You finish
, your grave-stoncs as far as "In the
memory of" and then wait l suppose,
I to see who want a monument next Z"
"Why, yes" replied the old man,
r "unless somebody's sick and you arc
! doctoring him, then | keep on"
e A young exquisite, innocent of any
hair upon his face, went into Phalon'S
. last week, and seating himself in one
of the chairs, told the operator to
, shave him. Tho barber lathered his
, face and then sat dogn on another
{ chair and began to read the Tribune.
"Hallo, fellow" says the dandy,
t "what are you waiting for y al have
d done all / can, SIR replied the other.
= Il am now waiting for your beard tl
r grow"
1t has transpircd that the Paymas
= ter who embozzlod several thousand
: dollars of the Government money by
cutting from the Soyen-thirty bond;
in his possession the material cupons
n and appropriating The proceeds to hi
!, own use is Lieutenant Colonel Thom
4 as f Winston, Chief Paymaster CT the
!, Pay District Of the Gulf eff New Or
4 leans.
5 THE METEoRIC DIsPLAy.--The me
: tcoric shower promised by the astron
n omers about the middle OF Novombel
b lis, it appears, preceded by prolimlpar.
n exhibitions. 1t is stated in tn
/ Philadelphia Ledger that for severn
. ] nfrlfc roct rpf.y 4 II Standing fhl