The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1866-12-22

Unnumbered volumes Of the raciest of
humor aud wit, and adventure and literary
goods are put away unreckoned with the
years files of local journalism. In the local
column Of Thursday Chicago Republican is
this little domestic episode:
For ten years, Mr.. n. Y. Potts has lived
in domestic felicity and nice house. Neith>
err melancholy nor policemen have ever
claimed him rs their own. He has good
cook, and his wife a good temper, things
very rare. But one thing was needed to com
plete their three stored Eden-chldren
Mr. P. and his wife had each framed mag
niicent theory for the education of children.
He rested on the firm foundation Of blue mass
pills. Hers foated beautifully on lake of
Winslow soothing syrup.
Day before yesterday he was blest. Twin
Potts were added to his household Twin
Potts in which the soul flowers would grow
and blossom.
He was in the parlor when told Of this by
the nurse.
He would go at once and see his wife and
the twins.
The nurse differed with him. Did he wish
20 kill his wife and twins2 Had he no feel
ines? Ii he behaved himself he might per
hans see them to- morrow. Until then he
had better stay in the cellar. He could re-
ioiee there and not be heard. The twins
we're girls, and that was enough for him to
know Did they resemble him? No. They
were darlinss.
Mr.. Potts felt sad What was the use OF
owning twins if one could not even see them.
Aud his wife would begin on them at once
with the accursed soothing syrup. de would
take walk.
AS the happy possessor Of twins, his walk
4 1 49, =
rood example He met his friend Carver
and told him of his exceeding happiness
Carver suggested the propriety of wettinf
them, as they were new articles. to christeI
them Potts saw the propriety thereof, anc
they went TO saloon.
The babes were christened with all liquid
except water That had to be left for the
clergyman. Not being used to such things
il took them some time. They chased at II
p. m.
They left the saloon and each started fo
home. On his way there Mr.. r. ponderet
over family matters He concluded the twin
should be called Rose and Lilly Potts. HI
would educate one, and his wife the other
Blue mass versus soothing syrup. Their ed
ucatiou should be eminenty masculine. NJ
"weaker vessels" they. Ali at once the pc
etc feeling awoke within him. He woul'
celebrate IN rhyme the advent OF the twins
He would write it seated on the snow-pur
like them. And in the snow, under lamp
post. he sat down, Pencil aud paper wer'
taken from his pocket. Gaiiy he plunged
into the RESIN of poetry, and wrote
Thou charming twins,
With soft white skins,
and fell asleep,
4 policeman woke him, and wished t.
know wha, he was doing there.
Mr.. Z. replied, with much dignity, that hs
was the owner of twins and must not be dis
turhed If be, the policeman, owned trip
lets, then he might talk to hum thus. 9th
erwise, not
The policeman observed that one brat at
time was enough for any decent man.
This angered Mr.. P, and he snowflake
the policeman. Naturally he went to th'
Armory.
Yesterday morning he told the justice tina
he was not in the habit Of being drunk. That
as Christian father, he had 70 christen th
twins He lad done wrong, he knew, {
snow ball the policeman, but let the twir
plead for him. They we're something rars
Babes were easy enough to win.
But one didn't get twins every day.
If the Justice wouldn't fine him he shoul
have the honor of being god father.
In consideration Of the twins he WAS 6net
Sio-S5 for each.