The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1866-03-29

Why isa husband like Mississippi
steamboat? Because he never knowi
when he may get blowing up.
Why was the giant Goliath very
much astonished when David hit him
with q stone2--Snch thing mover
entered his head before.
cy9"
"Ob, she has sort Of hesitation in
her speech, 80 /. left herr
"a hesitation in her speechl | new
er heard Of that before. Are you not
mistaken2n
mo, not at all; for when saked
her ifshe would have me, she hesita-
ted to say yes, and SO I left.her for an
other girl
CHARLIE. my dear, won't you have
some beans?'
No was the ill-mannered reply Of
the petulant cherub.
Mol exclaimed the astonished moth
or. No what?'
No beans, said the child.
Thad. Stevens is reported to have
buried the hatchet. Boston Post.
Yes, but he has taken up cleayer
instead. - Dayton. Journal.
"a man who'll maliciously set fire TO
q barn" said Mr.. Slow, ''and burn up
twenty cows, ought to be kicked to
death BY a Jackass, and Id like to do
it"
An old colored preacher at Port Glib
son, Mississippi, recently baptized thir-
W colored converts and charged them
a dollar a piece. On the following
Sunday he only succeeded in inducing
two to present themselves who were
willing to pay. Becoming indignant
at the parsimony of his congregation,
he refused to baptize the two candi-
dates for glory, saying che warn't t
going to slosh hissef up for two dollars
A Richmond paper record the des-
porate threat OF o man there who de-
clared be would have money-ifhe had
to work for it.
lT "My son, hold up your hand
and tell me who was the strongest
man ?"
Jonah"
why so ?"
"Cause the whale couldn't hold him
after he got him down"
n@- Latest style of ordering dozen
raw oysters:
Waiter, be kind enough 10 produce
the bipartition Of = duodeuple aggre.
cation of ftestaceous bivalves Of Shrews
bury nativity in circums tances of cru
dity."
A coroner'sjury in country village
in Duchess County, New York, recent.
.ly returned verdict in case, "they
had set on" that "the deceased came
to his death by his own hand, and that
he inflicted the suicidal doom upon
himself by hanging-around the tav-
ern !"
BA- The new State capitol which it
is proposed to build at Albany. New
York, will cost six millions of dol.
lars.
The Reciprocity Treaty between the
United States and the British Prov
inces expired Saturday, March 18th, at
midnight.
The Paymaster General has decided
that continued service of two years
is requisite to entitle volunteers TO the
500 bounty.
American papers containing Ban,
croft's Grafton were seized in France
by order Of the Government.
Chicago packed sol ,462 hogs during
the season just closed-a falling off Of
24S,695 from the preceding year.
A new factory now being built at
Norwich, Conn, will be, when com.
pleted, the largest in the world. Its
lengths 1900 feet.
Tho latest developments indicate an
improved position of affairs between
our Government and France in regard
to the Mexican question. 1t is
thought there will be an amicable ad.
justmont.
Eldad Granger, Of Alstead, N. III :,
died on the I'd inst, at the age of 100
years, lacking fifteen days. Ho had
voted for every President from George
Washington to Abraham Lincoln. He
had had is children and 33 grandchil.
dren.
The Saturday Press has heard of q
courteous wag who, in the excess oi
his politeness, never swallowed an
oyster without saying, "Good bye
valve" and the Washington Republic.
an says its 'fondncss for oysters at this
time amounts to q few raw,
A family Of five persons resided
upon farm in Derry, N. H., for a pc
riod of fitty.three years, during which
time there was neither birth, death
or marriage in the family. Neither
did they during the time put a letter
into the postoffice, take one out, or
take a newspaper.
Dan. Duncan, landlord in India
napolis, called on poor tenant to col
lect his rent, He found the poor wo'
man toiling at the washtub, with the
evidences Of dsstitution all around her
Duncan took a look around, and con,
nludad that ha did M wa M 7, IN colIaci