Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1866-08-04
HUMOROUS.
WIT AND HUHOR.

because MS neal prevents HIM iron
, going too far.
Why is the toothache good for
woman? Because it makes her hol,
her jaw.
ga pair of pretty eyes" said Cox
comb, ''are the best mirrors to shaw,
. by"
"Yes," replied old Hunk. thebach
elor, 81 have known many a mai
shaved by them"
"A topper gave as reason for getting
married, that his acquaintance though
be drank too much for a single man.
Said little four year old, '.Moth
er! Father won't be in Heaven with us
will hep" 'Why, my child?' ''Be-
cause ne can't leave the store.
Why is clock the most modest
piece of furniture? Because it covers
ITS face with its hands, and runs down
its works.
Why is a thief your only true
philosopher? Because he regards ev-
erything from an abstract point OF
view, is opposed 10 all notions of pro
tCS1iOh anu 10 VI Ch w COuflCbloH'
The lass case of Incidence is related
in one of our exchanges; it is of man
named John Hole, who was so lazy,
that in writing his name, he simply
used the letter j., and then punched d
hole though the paper.
"A widOwer who was accused of never
having shed tear on the occasion of
his wife's death and burial, defended his
conduct on the ground that she had
caused him TO shed so many before her
death that the briDy fountain was ut
terly dry.
The most extraordinary instance of
| patience on record, III modern times, is
that of an Illinois Judge, who listened
silently for two days while couple of
wOrdy attorneys contended about the
construction of an act of the Legislature
and then ended the controversy by qui-
city remarkiug: Gentlemen the law
is repealed.
An incident in Railway Car
W0nSter-I am afraid I'm sitting on
your crinoline, ma'am.
1fdbLe Young L0dy-Oh, never mind,
sir, It's of no consequence; you can't
hurt it,
Moaster-No, ma'am, it's not that;
but the COMPOUNDED thing hurts me.
Boy, with ragged trowsers aud rim
less chip hat. runs INTO the drug store
with dipper In his hand. Doctor,
mother sent me to the shoticary pop
quickerin blazes, eos bulbs sick with
the picken chox, and she wants a thin
bleful of polly Collie III this din Upper,
cos we hadn't bot a gottle, and the KNIT
pups got the bine Writer'S in't-Iot
any?"
An impatient Welshman called to
his wife, "Come, come, isn't breakfast
ready? I've had nothing since yester-
day, aud tomorrow will he the third
day." This is equal to the call of the
stirring housewife, who aroused her
maid at four o'clock with, 'Come Bird
get, get up! Here tbs Monday morning.
tomorrow is Tuesday, the next days
Wednesday-ha the week gone and
nothing done YETI
"A laughable story is told of ma
tive of the ''green Isle of Erin," who,
with a neighbor, had Just landed from
button on the sidewalk, he picked il up,
and turning to the other, exclaimed,
''See here, jamie; what a fine country
this, to be sure, when you git guineas
wild handles to 'em!"
-"WelI, my child, ;" said stern ia
ther to his little daughter, after church,
''what do you remember of all the
preacher said?' Nothing, sir, was
the timid reply. ''Nothing?" said he
severely; ''now, remember, the next
time, you tell me something he says, or
you must stay away from church. =
The next Sunday she came home, her
eyes all excitement. 81 remember
something" said she. "Ah, very glad
of it, ;" replied the father, "what did he
say?" s'He said, Pa" cried she, de-
hghtedly, ga collection will now be
taken up"
"A Texan Judge concluded SEN
tence for murder as follows. The
fact is, Jones, that the Court did not
| intend TO order you to be executed be-
fore next spring, but the weather is
verY~cOld, and our jail unfortunately, Is
| in very bad condition; much of the
GLASS in the windows is broken; the
chimneys are IN such dilapidated state
that no fire can be made to render your
apartments comfortable; besides owing
to the great number of prisoners, not
more than one blanket can be allowed
to each; to sleep sound and comforta-
BILE, therefore, is ont of the question.
In consideration of these circumstan-
ces, and wishing to lessen Your suffer
ings as much as possible, the Court, IN
the exercise of its humane compassion,
hereby orders you to be executed to-
morrow morning, as soon after break
fast as may be convenient to the Sheriff,
and agreeable to you
| -"Crocus, "the facetious correspond
emf OF the Pithole Record, writes to
| that paper from Richmond, Va, and
| thus describes the medium of transport
alton: eve came by way of the Orange,
Lemon and Alexandria railroad, and
would say to persons who are tired OF
life and are in hurry TO get through,
try this line. You leave Washin 0tOn II
the evening, and as a general t ing
will arrive In heaven or hIchmond the
next day. Each train is provided with
a surgeon, undertaken, amputatiDg ia
BILE. and other luxuries; besides these
it has some of the finest collins i eyel
expected to see, Hospitals are estab
lished along the entire route, and IL
case OF fatal accident the bodies o
strangers are Immediately embalmed
The arrangements are so perfect, anC