The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1866-12-05
THE NATURAL HISTORY OF BRIDES.

| beasts, OF lNc WOrlQ, DuJ no one
has yet cssayed the history Of that
indispensable creature, the bride.
We propose in this article to at
tempt to show how the vacuum
caused by the shortcomings ofau-
thors may be supplied by some en-
terprising Bohemian.
A bride is the elimination Of a
mothers anxiety and the COM
mencement Of husbands serious
reflections. A mother looks upon
her daughter, arrayed as a bride,
as an arrow shot from her house
hold culver at the butt Of female
archery, man and, if the arrow
has made a fair hit, is prone to
chuckle over the shot as showing
forth her superior matronly skill.
#, on the contrary, the success
is doubtful, then the mother like a
bad archer, blames the arrow, the
uck, anything, indeed, but her
own bad management.
Brides are divided into numcr-
Gus classes. For example; senti-
mental brides, who marry for love !;
speculative brides, who marry for
money; anxious brides, who marry
for the sake Of being married ; &C
commodating brides, who marry
because their lovers asked them to
marry; unresisting brides, who
marry because their friends desire
them to marry; inquisitive brides,
who marry for curiosity; and in
valid brides, who marry to restore
their health.
Sentimental brides are the most
numerous, but not the most happy
Of the orange-wreathed tribe.
They are generally young crea-
lures, who revei IN poetiraI dreams
connected with the wcarer of the
love Of a mustache, or the possess
or Of a handsome nose, or express
i've eye, or an animated doll, who
can make pretty little speeches,
graceful bows, or sing a pretty
little song. She takes great pride
unto herself because she married
Charlie for his own dear self, and
not for his surroundings-unaware
that q mans position in society,
his friends, and even his wealth or
poverty is as much part Of him
self total as the curl of his hair,
the song he sings, the strut he af-
fects, or even his education. She
generally finds, when the song is
less brilliantly sung, the moustache
requires Crhistadora, the head a
wig, and the poetieal speeches are
turned into matters oftact impcTa-
tives, that the varnish is rubbed
off; the gloss removed: and Char
lie is not the man he used to be.
The money bride has made her
selfan article Of merchandise, and
is to be valued according to the
prizes she obtains for herself: She
belongs to every condition Of So
ciety, from her who marries for
social position, horses and car
riages, diamonds, houses and bank
account, to the Work-girl who
marrics q one-room home, and the
privilege Of only haIf-starving On
her husbands petty weekly pit
tance. She generally reaches the
conclusion that she has sold herself
too cheap.
The health-seeking bride looks
on the marriage service as a medi-
cal prescription, the parson as a
doctor, and the husband as the
b0Lus administered for her ills-a
blue pill that must be swallowed,
however nauseous. She knows
that she is travelling on the road
to death, yet, yet clinging to life,
endeavors to throw her burden on
her lord! Flying from the en-
braces Of the worm, she is COM
PEELED to accept those Of the BRIDE
groom. She merely prefers an
earthly to an unearthly dwelling,
the marriage bed to the narrow
house appointed for all living.
The honeymoon shines through
apothccary bottles, and the epith
alamium is coughcd in whcezy
periods.
The purchasing bride is gene
rally an old maid or widow, who,
despairing Of being courted for
her own sake, seeks q husband