The tri-weekly news. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1865-1876, 1866-03-15
FUN.

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In jolly party over a glass of cham.
payne, the following good one was told
by a jolly good fellow, and Federal
officer too. Raising his glass, he said,
"Gentlemen, 1 give you tho same toast
that sensible Dutch officer gaye in
New York. Being called on he said
ladies and shenteelmen, I give yon
Sheneral Putler - Here there was
great apparent indignation. Ladies'
and shelteelmenr I gives You Sheneral
Putler I Here the excitement incrcas.
cd. but the Dutchman stood his ground
and kept his countenapce.' Ladies' and
shehteolmen, ] give you Sheneral Put.
Ter, because. / have no use for him my.
self"
"A Western farmer who wished to in
vest the accumulation of bis industry in
United States securities, went to Jay
Cookies Office to procure the Treasury
notes. The clerk inquired what demon
nation he woald have them in. Having
never heard the word used except to
distinguish tho religious secta, he, after
deliberation, replied ."Well, you may.
give me part in Old Scho, Presbyterian.
10. please the old lady but give me the
heft ont in Free Will Baptist"
Essay ON Doas.-Josh Billings favors
the world with a brief essay ON dogs
Dogs in the lump" says Joshua, ''are
useful, but they are not alwas profitable.
The Nufonndlin dog is useful to save
children from drowning but you have
got to have pond of water, and child.
rem running about careless, or else the
dog aia't proftable. There ain't noth,
ing made boarding Nnfoundlin dog.
Rat tra,riers are useful to ke,ch rats |;
but the rats aint profitable after you've
ketched them. The shepherd dog is
useful to drive sheep; but II you have to
G, and buy flock Of sheep, ana pay
more than they are wuth, just to keep
the dog buizy, the dog aint profitable
not y uch, Lap dogs are very useful !;
but if you don't hold them in your lip
awl the time, they aint prc6table at ALL
The coach dog is one OF The most useful
ov dogs know oy; but yu have got to
haze a coach land that amt always
pleasantly or yoa can't realize from the
|sdog. Thus we see that, while dogs are
generally useful, there are times when
they ain't generally profitable" -, !
Every family in Mississippi out to be.
come as productive as possible. Aissts.
sippi Standard. aat ar ,g.u-
We bskeve everybody is doing their
''level best" over this way. and tile
prospects are tlattering. g.r-Brandon Re.
PUBLICAN. \ z" .''5
|, A little boy returning from Sunday
school, said to his mother : "Ms, amt
there kitty.chism for GtAh boys?
This catechism is too hard fos me- (,
A crusty old batchelor sends us the
following conundrum What is the
difference between lioneycomb and a
honeymoon 2 Ahoneycomb consists of
a number of smsll Cells" and a honey.
moon consists Of one great sell" 'ss,I>
II-.-.-> .ls-s s.--A------ is..
A pretty girls says "Ifour Maker.
thought it wrong for Adam to live sin.
gle, when there was not u woman upon
earth, how criminally guilty are the old
bachelors, with the world full of pretty
girls 2" ,es fe
A ee;emporary says "These is mai,
in onr county who always pays for his
papsain advance. He never had, 4 sick
day in his life---nevea had corns OF
tooth aehe---the frostneyer kills his corn
or beans--his babies never cry In the
night, and Ills wife never scolds.n I