Des Arc citizen., 1866-08-18
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

----When does q carpenter put the wind in debt? When he makes the wiad-ow. a
 Why is an andiron like a yardstick? Because it has three feet.
 If you have cough, don't go to church to disturb the rest of the congregation.
 ----The falls of Niagara pass 100, 100000 tons of water over their brink every hoursoar.
 "A witty fellow says that a hoop skirt hanging out of 0 door reminds him of the peel of bclle ~ 0 4
 There is young man in Vermont who feeds his geese on iron filings, and gathers steel pens from their wings. r4
 ---"Boy, did you let off that gum, ejacu- lated an enraged schoolmaster .sYes, sir.o sWell, what do you think I will do to you?n 'Why, let me off"
 "A learned coroner being asked how he accounted for the great mortality this year, exclaimed "I cannot tell; people seem to dic this year that never died before'' a
 - ssPoor old General Debility!" exclaimed Mrs. Burlington. ''it is surprising how long he lives, and what excitement he creates the papers are full ofremedies for him" ."aI4 io9
 ---ssWhere shall get panel?'' said tho sheriff tothe judge.
 "Why, suppose, sir, that you can get enough of panels out of doors." i@
 "A little boy seeing drunken man prostrate before the door of a groggery, opened the door, and putting in his head, said to the proprietor, ssSee here, sir your sign has fallen down!'' 4sae.,aestests
 If you are disquicted with anything. you should consider with yourself, is the tI,ot t | ! disturb myself, and lose my peace and tram quility?
 "A gentleman travelling on steamer one day. at dinner was making way with a large pudding close by, when he was told by n scr-s want that it was dessert. 'sIt matters not to me, said he, would eat it, if it were wildcr- ness. ffss fs qatr.9fy aIfs srf fea Gexfr
 The study of truth is perpetnally joined with the sincere love of virtue; for there is no virtue which derives not it's original from truth; as, on the contrary, there is no vice. which has not it's beginning in . falschood.t { Truth is the foundation of all knowledge and the cement of all societies. ian0a
 ---Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul; and the heart of man knoweth none moro fragrant. While it's oppo- nent, ingratitude, is deadly weed not only poisonous in itself, but impregnating tue very ! atmosphere in which it grows with fetid va DOTS. 8 H&aa a2
 WHAT NExr.--A young countryman lately took notion to get married After the cerc- mony was concluded Jonathan took quarter of dollar from his pocket, deliberately walked up to the parson and handed it to him, , saying, "Parson, keep the whole, you needn't give me backany change
 Dm....{ rpl. .r II ... . !. of pride is ignorance. Our pride feeds itself by dwelling upon the possession of some orr nament which we believe to be extraordinari- ly brilliant. But did we sec the precious jew els which adorn many others in like circuin- stances, we should shun to wear ours, and should meekly set ourselves to increase our store of grace.
 "A gentleman was always complaining to his father-in-law of his wife's temper. At last papa-in law, becomingyery weary of these endless gritnblings, and being bit of wag, replied, "Well, my dear fellow, ifI hear of her tormenting you any more, shall disin- herit her" The husband never again com plained. l1a R3
 -'sWhen goes shopping," said an old lady, s'I allers asks for, what wants and if they have it, and it's suitable, and feel in- clined to take it, and it's cheap, and it can't be got anywhere else forsless, almost alters take it, without chafering about it all day, IS some people do."
 "Ma, want some liquid generosity on my bread and butter G a3aem eg97.
 ''Some what, my childg" B.
 ''Some liquid generosity"
 s.What in the world does the boy mean by liquid gencrosity?" ''What is it my son" e
 ''Gosh man, don't you know? Why it's molasses, to be sure 70 s4 sa9 }H gg