Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-02-15
FUN, FACTS AND FACETIE.

You've gentlemen who would prosper ill
love should gently. 1t is not fashionable tor
young ladies to take ardent spirits.
YoU have no business to have any busi-
ness with other peoples business but mind your
own business, and that is business.
THERE is SO much difference between good
poetry and fine verses. as between the smell of
flower garden and perfumers shop.
A DANDY is a chap who would be a lady
if he could but as he can't, does all he can to
show the world that he is not man.
The most intangible, and therefore the
worst kind of lie, is a half truth. This is the pc
culiar device OF a conscientious detractor.
AN ungrateful man is detested by all
everybody feels hurt by his conduct-t operates so
as to throw damp upon generosity.
a MAN should never be ashamed to own
that he has bee in the wrong, which is but saying
in other words that he is wiser to day than he was
yesterday.
AN eastern editor said that he had pair
of boots tight that they came very near making
him a Observation-Disclosures he received his pun
ishment as he went along.
a LADY Of rank complaining that her hus-
band was dead to fashionable amusements, he re-
piled. But then my dear You make me fully
alive to the expense
YOUTH, especially female youth, gives Il
poetic tinge and sottenedcoloring to its sorrows
thus the sea, when the morning shines upon it, is
covered, even in the storm, with rainbows.
NATURE and reason direct one thing, pas
sion and humor another. To follow the dictates of
the two latter is going into road that is both end
less and intricate. When wepurSue the other, our
passage is delightful and what aim at is easily
attained.
A CONTROVERSIAL minister travelling at
the West found himself obliged to continue his
journey on the Sabbath, in order to meet his ap-
pointment for preaching, He hestated about hir-
ing conveyance, but finally did So saying to him
self Il will compromise the matter by talking to
the driver, go aong,o the subject Of reliqi6n,"
\ Frenchman cannot pronounce "shp."
The word sounds sheep" in his mouth. Seeing
an iron-clad he sadto boy, 'Is this war-sheep2"
"No," answered the boy; lit is a ram.
DURING the search for female compositors
it is reported that the following dialogue too place
Good morning Mr. Henpeck Have Won any
daughters that would make good type-setters -
mo, but have wife that would make good
devil"
A LEARNED Coroner, the other day, being
asked how he accounted for the great mortality this
year exclaimed, Il cannot tell there are people
dying this year that never died before"
London tradesman told a youth in his
shop to write in large letters on sheet of paper
Wanted stout la | as light porter" The next
day he was astonished to the legend DISPLAYED.
Wanted, stout lad as likes porter
Poor WDOws-We do not think that
there is any thing amiss in poor widow being at
tached to any good looking man, during this cold
winter, if she be bound to him by cords Of cood as
n donation.
THE QUICKER THE BETTER "A gentleman
was one day arranging music for young lady, to
whom he was paying his attentions. ''Pray, Miss
D." said he 'what time do you prefer" She
piled carefully, ''any time will do,-b'h The quicker
the better"
"WHY are there so few covvicts in the
Michigan penitentiary this year," asked Sans
frien l. a day or two since Why" said Sam,
.thev send them by the Pontiac railroad and their
time expires before they get there"
HUMAN existence hangs upon trifes. What
is beauty without soap.
THE strongest love will feel, and then for
give the greatest faults against itself while the
repetition of many little offences against friendship
wound and fret deeply that often owe to
them disposition adverse to all mankind, that
upon trying occasions makes itself the mirror
where all are reflected.