Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-01-11

mind to hear another express an intention t.
! give us 4 piece of his
AN old gentleman of great experienc,
says he is never satisfied that a lady understand.
KISS unless he has it from her own mouth
AT an agricultural dinner the following
toast was given ''The game of fortune shuttle
the cards as you will, spades must win.
They are trying to find young man in
Chicago who is heir to 500, 600 Several young
ladies' III other cities looking for one Just like
him.
SOME people are never abreast of the age
They dive into the stream of the past and don I
come up again their heads stick in the mud at the
bottom.
A farmers son, a few days since, asked
his father what man-of-war was like ''Why. "
sald his father, who had never seen one Its lust
like our threshing machine"
MANY persons have their best society in
their own hearts and souls-the purest memories
OF earth and the sweetest hopes of heaven their
loneliness Cannot be called solitude.
a gentleman has lately been placed under
restraint The first symptom he showed of mental
arrangement was fancying himself plant, and in
slsting on his gardener watering him
The following question is being argued
in the debating societies throughout the rural dis
trlcts (Which is the most destructive to life
war, cholera, or railroads" ?" At last accounts the
railroads are away ahead.
BAD men are never completely happy.
although possessed of everything that this world
can bestoW; and good men never completely
miserable, although deprived of everything that
the world can take away.
a LADY asked a minister whether per.
son might not be fond of dress and ornament
without being proud Madam said the minis
ter, when you see foxs tail peeping out of the
hole, you may be sure the fox is within"
LOOK here, ma" said a young lady who
had commenced taking lessons in painting of an
eminent artist. ''See nv painting can Won tell
what it is 2? Ma, after looking at it for some time
answered, "We, it is either a COW or rosebud.
am sure l can't tell which
IN the Limerick papers an Irish gentle
man, whose lady had absconded from him. thus
cautions the public against trusting her "Mv 7cife
has eloped from me without rtgn,e or reason and
desire no one to trust her on my account for an
not married to her"
ONE Sunday when the minister of Ulnev
entered the kirk he no less surprised than in
dignant to find that draft Jamie Fleming had taken
possession of the pulpit Come doom, Jamie g."
said his reverence. ''Come We up sir" answered
jamie, they're stiff nect and rebellious gener-
alton, sir, an it II tax us bath to manage them.
a gentleman, walking with two ladies.
stepped on a hogshead hoop, that flew up and
struck him in the face Good gracious :" said he
(which of you dropped that?"
A DRIVER of a coach in Texas. stopping
to get some water for the young ladies in the car
rage, being asked what he stopped for, rcplied
q am watering my flowers. A delicate compli-
ment.
IHE editor OF country paper in Pennsyl-
vania says that he felt called upon to publish Fa-
ther Lewis sermon on the Locality Of He'll" as
it was question in which nearly all our readers
We're interested
MILToN was asked "IIow is it that in
some countries a King is allowed to take his place
on the throne at fourteen years of age but may not
marry until he is eighteen" Because" " said the
poet lit is easier to govern kingdom than a wo-
man"
The young lady who could read the fol-
lowing and 'don't pity the SORROWS of poor Young
man. deserves to live and die an old girl =
Il wish / were a turkey-dove.
setting your knee,
I'd kiss your smilin lips, love,
To all e-ter-ni-tee.
MANAGE 70 len,, nv, boad obnt,o
iin g. III da L ~ ~ slu d nus
;,C 6i, Gov - +,,r '1 ~ "a9 ~
inS nm loi a new uieH9 No' Sne IePLIed' WIN
or"huS easy enough
AN old criminal was asked what was the
cause which led to his ruin, when he answered -
,r7 1heaI48 printer OUT OF TWO years subscriptions
W. " @ eit l 'oGM '"' SflP
COPPER stock sprcnIator in CLEVELAND
fell osI,en in church from which he was ,alad ~,
hv the nastor's reodino-,sSnraIv tbarn i . - GiP
for the silver and a mace for ta cold ubaro +baI,
lIl ma u. Jumping TO MS tTgt ne shook his book at
Sboran Silo Gyms ''N' n'e h'hireu
a dying nelghbor' who was a very unpopular man.
nv friend S % ves said the you G;n WING ,n 10 go
am glad ofthat. said the deacon, for9lI the neigh
bors are willing.
JOHN NEWTON saws "Wben oet to baav-
en- shall see the wonders there. The first Won
der VIII be to see 50 manypeople there whom did
NOT eSP1Gt n 20 see % ane second wonder viii be to
the tbir and Greatest wonder Of o viii be 70 anu nd
myself there -
WE Gao i rocordod +ho+ .aa,, oJl,..
wos recently canobt At sea dnrp P PI4oar' sto,
when he saved his life bytaking a cake of his soap
and washing himself ashore. This soap, the