Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1866-08-08
Advertising Adventures.

menu hep hany VI my yOuAB AI4OANS IL
the way of that celebrated Satanic per
idle hands to DO" sent five dollars to
some philosopher in Maine who. was will
ling to communicate method Of making
an easy livelihood to all young men of en-
terprising habits and possessed of "
Back came book by return of post. The
volume was labeled 'Typographia." On
opening it, a slip Of paper was inserted
between the title-page and the blank
leaves, and on the slip was written:
"You can be either type-setter, proof
reader, or foreman by reading this book.
1t contains all the necessary information.
You only require a little practice, which
you can gain by hiring yourself out for
a year or two to any resp ectable printer.
This was nearly as good as the advice
to seeker after fortune who sent mon
ey to an advertiser in Hartford, Connect
icut, and received the advice ''to peddle
cigars, half Havana and half homemade,
as 1 did, and be always ready to pick up
a stray chicken"
My curiosity was next exercised by an
advertisement setting forth that for one
dollar the likeness of my culture wife or
husband" would be sent. | consulted
with halfa-dozen bachelor friends on the
subject, and we unanimously resolved to
invest one dollar each for the immense
privilege of seeing the individuals who
were to be our partners in this "Wale OF
tears" and who were to double our bles-
sedness by sharing our singularities. 1t
was understood that each was to exhibit
the likeness of his predicted bride for the
inspection of the company, be she fair or
unfair. In due time ! received carte
de viste through the post Office. 1t bore
on its face the representation of q female
form, got up in the hight of the latest
fashion, regardless of expense. A splen-
did ostrich feather crowned what from its
magnifcence and in my ignorance l will
venture to designate an "empire hat. -
A velvet cloak trimmed with lace was or
namented with numerous devices that
might have found their origin in the brain
of kaleidoscope. A foot, or scarce half
a foot, peeped out from under white
skirt, revealed by the dress being slight
ly raised. One tiny tightly gloYed hand
was just visible. The face-but there was
the trouble, it was back View-and it
might as well have been taken from
drygoodnan's dummy" as from the hu-
man form divine, so far as the "ikeness"
conveyed any idea to my mind. Thls
was keeping the promise to the ear and
breaking it with q vengeance. felt IN
clined to tear the thing up, but, remem-
bering my promise to my friends, L fore
bore. l found afterwards that we were
all served alike. We have this -consola-
ton, however, that our wives are to be
dressed; that is, if the pres
ent fashion miraculously continues till we
are married.
l saw lately, a paragraph intimating
that to an anxious inquirer the adyerti-
ser of receipt for the prevention of the
freezing of cisterns or wells had answered
with this twenty-five cents worth of advice;
'Take your cistern and well idtO the
house on cold nights and keep up good
fire."
Cheeky enough, but no worse than the
advice l paid dollar for to an advertiser
who offered remedy for frost-bitten feet
and chapped hands, ard which advice
was embraced in three words, almost
Shakspearian-"Go to Cuba"
Both were excelled by the individual
who in late war times offered for five dol
lars to show any one "a certain and infal-
lible methed of escaping the draft" and
whose panacea was, Commit suicide"
1 need not say that, for the outlay of un-
told postage currency and postage stamps,
have received no advice Whatever-the
advertisers of important information nav
ing wisely considered that it was a need
less expense trying to enlighten me-and
that often have been invited to invest
in lotteries and petroleum companies,
and in the manufacturing of unhallowed
articles initiating against health and NOR
ais. Some of my house-hunting friends
inform me that they have been victimi-
zed in small sums by advertisers who have
offered information of leases for sale, and
by pretended real estate agents who have
demanded bonus in advance.
The following curious adventure will
serve as a caution, and will also do to
wind up with:
A friend of mine in some freak of idle
ness answered an advertisement which
required the small sum of three dollars
for information by which any one could
easily acquire fortune. My friend is a
simple-looking youth, and a very good
living illistration of the deceptiVeness of
appearances. Shortly after he had writ
ten the letter to the bestower of fortunes,
he was waited on at his lodgings by neat
Iy-dressed young man, who produced my
friends note, and asked if he had writ
ten it. Affirmatively answered, the stran-
ger began to look cautiously around the
room, and going to the door opened it
suddenly, looked into the hall, closed the
door, and then with knowing smile came
up to my friend and asked if he was a
good judge of money. ''Tolerable," was
the reply.
''Then look at these" said the stranger,
a lot of iftY-cent currency
stamps My friend examined them, and
Jaw nothing wrong. The stranger then
began his tale to unfold. He would fur
1ish any amount of ffty-cent stamps at
twenty five cents. Whewl The murder
vas out. My friend was startled. What
should he do? Call the police or kick the
ellow out?
To gain time for reflection, some ques-
ions were asked. Suddenly there were
footsteps in the hall, and slovenly dress
ID man rushed into the room, closed the
loor. and with a sardonic smile, seized
,he trembling vendor of counterfeit cur
-ency by the collar, and in a tragical
whisper hissed, Caught at last-your
Tanted!" and to my friend, 81 arrest you
IS an accOmpHce! L WOu4u give HuHuN0u
lollars if were in your place, to get out
IF this AFFAIR."" My friend was astonished.
In a moment, however, he regained his
Making bound for the
window, he opened it and shouted ''Po-
ice!" The strangers, on hearing that
alismanic word, made rush for the door
md the street. The rascals went, but no
police came. The queer" was left be-
hind, and proved to be mighty "queer."
It was so like the genuine that broker
declared it to be, and took it for, good
money, and my friend made some fifty
lollars by the operation. Still, that kind
# accident does not happen often enough
o make the answering of swindling ad-
profitable business.
A cockney at tea party, oVerhearing