Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1866-02-22

haS1 hlIc reblfcd TO my Virt00uS couch
at percscly halfpast eleven, after eat
rather light supper, for that time Nv nj
alluz make it Il pint to cat light in thu
eyenin, for I'm gittin old and my diges-
tive faculties amt what they was when /
wuz young. Alas! We who hev lived
out the best part NV our days, wat wood
! we give to be set back to the time when,
with our faculties unimpaired, we Good
I consoom good square, meal without fear
NV consakehses. But
..... ~, Them happy days is fled ...t
And never will return
I ] paid my respecks to 2 ninoe pies, q
pair NV pigs feet, some cold tongue and a
plate Nv trlpe, followed by a half dozen
dough nuts and couple or more Nv gias-
ses ny hot whiskey punch, and sinyler ez
it may seem ii didn't set well. dream
ed at night, and my dreams wuznt at all
pleasant. Methawt I he'd deccest and
wuz in the next world. 1t was a singler
site that met my vision, The diyidin
line atween this world and the next wuz
swift stream Nv water, and every dececst
spirit he'd to cross it. The water was
suthin like that Nv the Dead Sea. A
man unencumbered with anything Good
walk on it, but they sunk down in it if
they wuz loaded, accordin to what they
he'd to carry. On lhe tother side w this
Jordan Wuz heaven--the dominions NV
his majesty Satan the lst wuz below, and
to it strong under current flowed, which
took all them ez wuZ too heavy loaded to.
keep their chins above water. ...
On the bank stood more than two mil
ions Nv little devils, who flung onto the
shoulders NV them tryin to cross, their
tailins, and weaknesses, and iniQuities.
General Breckenridge wuz the first
that [ saw enter the food. He he'd on a
life preserver labelled States Rights, but
peert little devil stuck a pin into it, and
it collapsed, the gas with wich it wuz fill
led smellin horribly. Down he went, and
ez he sunk they commenced poltin him
with packages labelled Treason "Pcr-
jury" and Murder" and John G. went
under.
Old James Buckanon went next The
old gentleman didn't keep above water as
long ez a able bodied man could hold Il
bar NV red hot iron in his fhand. He
made one splash, when weight labelled
"Ireason" struck him and down he. went.
The gentlemanly and urbane devil who
had him in charge, had big pile more
Nv ammunition to discharge a! him, but
that one wuz sufficient. "A. r..
ValIandigham come next. [ wuz sur
prised to see no one make a motion at him,
but he sunk all the same. "We-never
waste efforts" sed Satan to me /; che car
rics enough natural cussedness about him
all the time to sink him, without putin
anything onto him that he did ten days
ago" ... .... .,.......igf .:...-
Frank Pierce made his appearance, bnt
declined to enter. He wuz Immediately
seezed and on each leg wuz tied weight
labelled "Kausas," and they flung him IN.
lie went down like shot, and that's the
last seen Nv him.
Garret Davis went in and to my sur
prise passed over safely Nothing wuz
flung at him, for which asked the rea-
| son.
"Why," sed Satan, ''tho poor old man
isn't accounta bic. He commenced to
talk many years ago and keeps on talkin
because he really don't know when to
stop. I could hey sunk him, but the
ts:ct tact IS IS 7 wooden't endoor what the SENT
w the Yoonited States hez had to for
} the past four years, for dozen Nv Tombs
lawyers. Besides this I'm gettin more
from Kentucky now than I'm really en-
titled to, I've mortgage OF two-thlIds Nv
that State" .r...... .,.:.-
} Fernandy and Ben Wood como up rath
er bold and entered the food ez though
they were sure wv goin through all right.
With inimitable chuckle Satan motion
ed away the inexperienced devils and
said ''leave EN- to me-" and at Ben ne
hurled package NV the New York News,
: which swashed him down instanter. Jest
ez Fernandy wuz beginnin to reach the
} other shore he flung onto him an assort-
ment uy weights labelled ''hotterles,' y
, "Riots," which took him down to the arm
pits, and finished by tumblin onto him a
! mass onto wich wuz written "Nayoralty,
and down he went, at which His Majesty
) drew sigh NV relief.
Seein the style NV the men who sunk,
remarked unto him.
''This war hez bin a rather profitable
thing for you"
"Nothin to speek wv sed he. "The
leaders Nv the Southernors were, sum Of
EN-, honest, and got through on that ac-
count and the rank and file were ignor,
ant wretches who amt accountable nc