Dallas herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1849-1873, 1866-07-28

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tam individual, First, catch him,
make him flst, write the word "vr-
tue on the plate, slide il into tho
box, set the box on his bare skin,
and if hc has none the fluid will not
rise above tho 0; if he has q littlo
only, it will rise to, say, B; if he
has rs much ~ mankind will ave-
rage it will rise, perhaps, to 10; and
if he is exceedingly virtuous, it will
riseto 30, or 35, or thereabouts.
Tho same process gone through
with will indicate the amount Of
vice lie possesses, or any qualityyou
can name.
Questions may be answered in tho
same manner, provided you put
them in o shape that the answers
can be indicated by the degrees. 1t
would not do, for instance, to ask
this question "have you committed
murder ?" for the reply could not be
indicated on the scale; but put the
question in another form, and ask,
show many murders have you COM
mittcd?" Write this question on
the plate, insert it, and apply the
box to the surface. If the individ-
nal has committed no murder, the
fluid will not rise above zero. You
can then try him on manslaughter
in the same way. IF he has been
guilty of one murder, it will rise TO
/ ; iftwo, it will rise to 2, and so on.
BY the use of this invention all
characters whether male or female,
can be analyzed, provided always,
that they first be secured and rem
dered helpless while the testing pro-
cess is gong on, and in this way
everything can be known Of them
that the cause ofiustice may require.
Hence this invention. is bound to
supersede all trials by jury, trials
by ordeal, and trials by every other
means now in vogne 1t will revo-
lutionizc the present order of things
by developing character.
1t is impossible now to conceive
of the great changes that will be
made when this invention is brought
into general use,
BY this method all persons can
test themselves "Know thysclf.,
was command long since given but
never obcyed, for the simple reason
that until my day, there was no ma
chinery for finding out ones self
Saints and sinners have now no
longer any excuse for remaining in
ignorance Of themselves Parties
engaged to be married can now
have each other tested before the
connubial knot ia tied. In fact, a
marriage license should not be grant
ed until each party has submitted to
the test, and produce certificate to
this effect Applicants for situations
candidates for office, negroes ''tor
hire" married men who try to pass
themselves off as ''single men" sus-
pccted persons Of all kinds, militia
ry officers whose courage is !oubted
preachers whose morality is ques-
toned, doctors whose skill is some
what obscured, husbands who visit
"lodgcs' often, wives who are over
fond Of "change of air" criminals
of every kind and degree, and pre-
tenders of all sorts can, by this sim
pie means, be held up to the world
in their true light.
After had perfected the Analyt-
ical Thermometer, experimental
extensively, and with your permis-
sion, reader, ! will give the results
in few cases. My first subject was
A sTRoNG-MINDED WOMAN.
She was true blue descendant
from the Puritans, and anti every
thing in her notions and behaviour.
While being secured, she kicked
and tloundercd considerably, as all
females of this sort are apt to do
when opposed, but a little moral
suasion, rigidly enforced, brought
her to terms.
In her case it was found that the
love of notoriety was 40, the high
est degree in the scale; asccrbity,
80; intellect, 20; ambition, 81 ; de-
termined-to- speak my --minditive-
ness, 80; wish -I-was- man-ism. 80;
love Of -domcsti quietism, O; vir-
tue-there the fuid danced up and
down. and refused to stand at any
point, which led me to infer that it
declined answering the question,
and, therefore, did not press the
precalions matter; woman 5 proper
sphere ism, 0, and nothing more, or
less.
sEcoND-AN EXQUISITE.
Self conceit. 40; intellect, 4 prin-
ciple. 13; usefulness. 3; shallow
moss, 35
THIRD-A MISER.
Love of gain. 40; selfshncss, 3S;
milk of human kindness, 3; charity,
9; generosity, 0; bonevolence, u
public spirit, / patriotism.
EoURTH--A PROFESSIONAL POLITICIAN.
Love of country, 3; love of noto-
riety, 81 patriotism, 2; political hon
esty. 2; disintcrested motives, /;
public good at heart, 2.
At this stage of experiment
friend suggested that the A. I.
might be found equally useful and
reliable when applied TO iHdnimate
bodies. The suggestion was acted
upon, and strange TO relate, such
proved to be the case
As there had been a great hue
and cry about the impurity Of drugs
and medicines in market, j gave
them nv special attention. and, by