Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1866-05-29
WIT and HltDaOr.

Light Lterature-the books of gas company.
A trunk at the Lynchburg depot bore this in
scripton: ''Vorsicht ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Mrs Darlington complains of having roman
tic affection in her shoulder, the neurology IN her
head and the embargo in the lombardy region,
besides swelling of her jocular veins
J-e-romel screamed Mrs. Butterfeld the other
dav to her largest boy what are you throwing
to those pigeons?' Gold beads, mann, and the
darned fools are eating emi spect they think 1t $
corn
An editor at q dinner table being asked if he
would take some pudding, replied in fit OF alb
straction:
unable to find room for It,
A New Y ork man who had not been out of the
city for many years, tainted away in the pure air
of the country. Lie was only reconstructed by
putting a rotten herring under his nose when he
Immediately revived, exclaiming That's good
it smells like home
The following funny advertisement ola runa-
way wife was recently posted IN town In Or
thern New York: My nam dats Peter Knox
vile, my wifes nam dats Peter Knoxville too
He lev my house and no ak me- any man that
truss him on my name OATS loss tor YOU
Three boys went bathing in Oil Creek, Sup
posed to be near ChurchVille) and when, they
came out they were SO greasy that they could not
stay in their clothes. As fast they slipped them
on they would slip off again; and one OF them IN
a needless moment narrowly escaped. slipping
out of his skin. On reaching home, their parents
being exceedingly frugal, wrung them out and
extracted about fifteen gallons OF pure OIL from
the three boys.
There he goes again." said Mrs. Darlington,
In the Legislature, as member stood VI, for the
fifth time to speak on question. lhere he
goes like soda-fountain, and just as 1uldly as
water Now, Isaac, mind him, and see II you
can't become speaker of the house OF reprehen-
sibles sometime. declared continued she, as
a new burst of eloquence reached her ear, 1t does
seem as if the mantfeplece Of Daniel Webster had
fell onto him-he is SO bright
A man was brought into court on the charge OF
having stolen some ducks from farmer.
How do you know they are your ducks -
asked the defendants counsel.
'.Oh / should know them anywhere replied
the farmer who proceeded to describe their Pc
WHY said the prisoners counsel, they can't
be such a rare breed-I have some very like them
in my yard. :, ~, e
''as they are not the only ducks I've had stolen
lately"
The next witness was called.
A lady of our acquaintance, young, lovely and
Intelligent, called on celebrated physician to 90
something for rush of blood to her head.
1T have been doctoring myself, said the Ian
guild fair one, with SMILE to the bluff, though
Kind NJ. D., while he was feeling her pulse:
"Why [ have taken Brandeths pills, Parr
Mills Stranberg 5 pills, Sands sar.aparlla, used
Dr. Shermans lozenges and plaslers Jayne
expectorant, and
my Heavens, Madam, interrupted tno as-
tonished doctor, "all these do your complaint no
goodp 49,
mo! Then what shall take T. pettishly in
quired the patient
Take? exclaimed the doctor, cycling her from
head to foot; ''Take?' exclaimed he after mo-
,nent's reflection, ''why, take off your corsetsF
Gentlemen of the Jury:-Ca you for an in
slant suppose that my client here, a man who al
lers sustained high depreciation in society, a
man all on you suspect and esteem for his many
good qualities yes gentlemen, man what new
er drinks more nor quart of liquor day; can
YOU I say, for an instant suppose that TINS ere
man would be guilty of hookin box of percus-
eion cans? Rattlesnakes and coon skins forbid !
?icter to yourselves gentlemen, a Teller fast and
eolndly asleep in his log-cabin, with his innocent
wife an orphan children by his slde-aIl nature
hushed in deep repose, and nought to be heard
hut the nuttering of the silent thunder and the
bollerng of the bull-frogs; then imagine to your
selves a felar sneaking up to the door like des-
pcable demon, softly entering the dwelling OF
The peaeeful and happy family. and In the most
mendacious and dastardly manner, hooking a
. whole box of percussion caps Gentlemen, L
will not cannot. dwell upon the monstroclty OF
such scene! My feelings turn from such pic
ture of mortal turpentine, like big woodchuck
Iyonld turn from my dog Rose! l cannot for an
instant harbor the idea that any man In THESE Dig
gins. much less this ere man, could be guilty OF
Committing an act OF such rantankerous ana IN
exampled discretion, Andnow, gentlemen, after
this ere brief view Of the case let me retreat Of
YOU to make up your minds candidly and I'M
PARTIALLY and give us such a verdict as we might
reasonably suspect from such an enlightened and
intollerant body of our fellow ctizens-remem
bering that in the language OF Nlnroo, VINO Ien
innocent men should escape. rather than one
guilty enc should suffer-.