Sugar planter. [volume] (West Baton Rouge [i.e. Port Allen, West Baton Rouge Parish, La.]) 1856-1925, 1866-09-01
THE FIRST BABY.

The FIRST BABY.
l have one of these interesting animals
at my house. 1t came when it rained
like b:azes, dark as pitch, and my UNI
trella at the store, nc cars running. The
doctor lived FIVE miles due west, and six
milessdue east ; and when l got home to
Vie bosom of my family the condensed
milkman was at the next door. It's q
funny little chap, that baby ; Solferino
color, aud the length Of q Bologna saus'
age. Cross !? guess not. I'm, UNI ;
it commenced chasing me down the path
way Of life just when, linen and white
flannel and muslin were the highest they
had been since Adam built the hen-house
for EYES chickens. Doctors charge two
dollars a squirt, four dollars a grunt,
and ON the scarcity Of rain in the coun-
try, takes what's left in a mans pocket,
no discount for cash, and send bill for
balance January LIST. A queer little thing
is that baby /; speck Of a nose like a
wart !; head as bald as a squash, and nc
place to hitch a waterfall 4; a mouth just
suited to come the gum game and chew
milk. Ocrackee | you should hear he1
sing. 's..'. +t.'''
i have bumped it, stuffed my fur CAP
down its throat, given" it the. smoothing
irons to play with, but that little red
lump. that looks as if it couldn't hold
blood enough to keep a musquito from
fainting persist in yelling like thunder
1t shows q great desire to swallow its
fists, and the other day they dropped
down its throat, and all that prevented
their going clean through, was the crook
in the elbows. It stopped its music and
aDdjIswas happy for one and q half min
ntes. It's a pleasant thing to leave
baby in the house-one of your colickJ
kind. Think of the pleasures Of a father
IL his dishabille, trembling IN the mid
night hour, with his feet upon
squartsI yard of cold oil cloth, dropping
paregoric in q teaspoon. by moonlight
humping en- the door, wife Of your hos
ON shouting hurry, and the baby yelling
till the fresco drops from the ceiling. ltt
a nice time to think Of dress coats, pants
ties. and white kids. Shades Of depart
ed cocktails | what comfort, what a pic
ture for an article in plaster Of Paris.
Its mother says the darling is troubled
with wind on the stomach it beats al
the wind instrument'eyou eve heard Of
I have to get up in the cold and shive'
while the milk warns I; it uses the bottle
l have a cradle with the representation
of miraculous soothing syrup on the
dash board. I tried 10 stop it's breath
the other night, it was no GO 1 rocked
st so hard / missed stays, and sent il
clear across the room, upsetting a ia,
Of preserves. II didn't make any noise
then ! Oh ! no, it's mother says only wait
till it gets bleached, OTIS been vaccinat.
sd).. and old enough to crawl about and
feed on pins. Yes, l am going to wait
Wont it be delightful? John run for the
doctor, sin has fell in a slop pail and is
choking with a potato skin ; sis has fell
down stairs ; sic has swallowed the tack.
hammer T; shows signs Of mamps measles,
Group, hooping-cough, s%mall-pocks, colo,
~dysentary, cholera, infantum. or some
other darn thing, to let the doctor take
all the money laid by for my winters
corn beef and all this comes Of ny shan
pooning and curling my hair. wearing
nice clothes and looking handsome, go
ing . counting and making my wife fall
in love with me. ''l'1@'