Orleans independent standard. [volume] (Irasburgh, Vt.) 1856-1871, 1866-11-02
Artemus Ward in London.

IL 10 SeluiLH tIldG Tie COHllH6fCldI re-
latlons between Great Britin and the
United States is mar'd by Games.
tbs commerce, after all, which will
keep the two countries friendly cards
each other rather than statesmen.
look at your last parlyment, and
can't see that a single speech was
encored during the entire session.
Look at congress-but no, I'd rather
not look at congress.
Entertainin this great regard for
commerce, "WhoSe sales whiten every
sea-" as everybody happily observes
every chance he gifts, | learn with dis
gust and surprise that a British sub
Jeck bot a Barril Of Apple Sass in
America recently, and when he arrove
home he found under a few deloosiy
layers of sass nothin but saw dust
L should have instantly gone into the
City and called a meetin of the lead
In commercial men to cOndem and re-
pudlate, as an American, this gross
frawd, if | hadn't learned at the same
time that the draft given by the Brit
ish Subjeck in payment for this fraw-
dylent sass was drawed onto a Bank
in House in London which doesn't
have eXiStens, but far otherwise, and
never did.
There is those who larf at these
things, but to me they merit rebooks
and frOwns.
With the exception Of my Uncle
Wilyim-who, as Eve before stated, is
an uncle by marriage only, who is a
low cuss and filled his pockets with
pies and billed eggs at his weddin
breakfast given to him by my father,
and made the clergyman as united him
a present Of my fathers new overcoat,
and when my father on discoverin it
got in rage and denounced him, I'm
Gle Wilyim said the old nan (meanin
my parent) hadn't any idee of first
class Humer with the exception of
this wretched Uncle, the escutchin OF
my family has never been stained by
Games. The little harmless decep-
tiOns ! resort to i'll my perfeShin do
not call Games. They are sacrifSSe5
to Art.
come of very clever family,
The Wards is a very clever family,
indeed.
believe we are descended from the
Puritins, who nobly fed from land
of deBpotism to a land of freedim,
where they could not only enjoy their
own religion, but prevent everybody
else from enjoyin his.
As | said before, we are a very cley-
er family.
was strOllin up Regent street the
other day, thinkin what a clever family
| come off, and looking at the gay shop
winders. I've got some new close
since YOU last saw me. | saw them
others wouldn't do. They carrid the
observer too tar back into the dim
vister of the past, and | gave EN- to a
Orfun Asylum. The close | wear now
[ bought of Mr. Moses, in the CONNER
ciaI Road. They was expressly maid,
Mr.. Moses informed me, for a noble
man, but as they fitted him too much
ly, partic'ly the trowsis (Which is blue,
with large red and white checks he
had said, my dear feller. make me
some more, only mind-be Sure you
sell these to some genteel old feller" "
like to saunter thrO' Regent street.
The shops are pretty. and it does the
old mans heart good to see the troops
Of fine healthy girls which one may
always see there at certain hours in
the afternoon, who don't spile their
beauty by devourin cakes and sugar
things, as too many of the American
and French lasSes do. It's a mistake
about everybody out of town, | guess.
Regent street is full. I'm here; and
as | said before, | come of very clev-
er family.
As | was walkin along, amoosin
myself by stickin my penknife into the
calves of the footmen who stood
waitin bv the swell-coaches (not one
of whom howIed with angwish), | was
accosted by man of about thirty-tivt
summers, who said, Il have seen thai
face somewheres aforer'
He was a little shabby in his wearir
, apparil. His coat was one Of those
black, shiny garments, which You car
always tell have been FURNISHED b,
: adversely; but he was gentlemanly
"WaS it in the Crimea, cOmrade
r Yes, it was. 1t was at the stormil
e of Sebastopool, where | had a marrow
escape from death, that we met !!
| said, "No, | wasn't at Sebastopool
| escaped fatal wound by not bel
there. 1t was healthy old fortress,
| added.
at was. But it fell. 1t cam
n down with a crash
o "And plucky boys they was VIII
brought her down" added; "hurra
for emr'
l. The man grasped me warmly b
J. the hand, and said he had been i
e America, Upper Canada, Africa, Asi
is Minor, and other towns, and he'd ne
# er met a man he liked as much as l
d did me. LET us he added, "let |
e. to the shrine of Bacchus y And |
ID dragged me into public house.
Id was determined to pay, so | said, IN
" Bacchus, give this gen'l'man what
n. calls for"
in We conversed there in very plea
. ant manner till my dinner time arroy
ir when the agree e'ble- gentleman insist'
by that | should dine with him. ave
ar have banquet, Sir, fit for the gods
Itold him good plain vittles wou
xt SCOT me. If the gods wanted to ha
. the dyspepsy, they was welcome to