The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1866-10-04
9naersoll yyttelligerftr,
Scraps. Facts and Tancies.


Most men. who complain that they
lave nothing to do, are just about equa
to the task.
= aSoit seems" as the young lady OBJ
served to the sewing machine when she
put work before it.-Ponch.
When sorrow "has left it's s-traces,
what becomes of the balance of the har-
ness?
= "Oh, Aunty, make Freddy behave
himself Every time 1 hit him on the
head with the mallet, he bursts right out
eryingw
SWell, my boy" said schoolmas-
ter to pupil, "can you tell me what syn
tax 7isr s. ''Yes, sir; it's the duty on
spiritsv'
y It is singular that the more you
damp the ardor ola troublesome :. taiker,
by throwing cold water on his eftusions,
the sooner he dries up. on
At last advices the citizens of Evans
vile, Indiana, were burying their silver
spoons and other valuables. Beast Butler
visits that place in few days:
49, A merchant having sent, in obedi-
ence to an order, fifty barrels of -four to
grocer in the provinces, recently received
smother order, which he thinks has NAL
ice in it: "Send down fifty pigs to eat
up that -four"
Nobody likes to benobody but ev-
erybody is pleased to think himselfso some
Body. And everybody is somebody but
when anybody thinks himself to be some
body, he generally thinks everybody else
to be nobody
- Squabbles, IN old bachelor, shows
his stockings which he has just darned to
o maiden lady, who contemptuously re,
marks: "Pretty good tor mandarner;'
whereupon Squabbles rejoins, "Good
enough for woman darn her.
A lucifer matchmaking firm claim
for their matches that they will "ignite
only on the box" An acquaintance OF
ours says that he has purchased safer
matches even than these. He has bought
lucifer matches that won't ignite at all.
- Tho Secretary of the Treasury re-
Gently received letter signed B. F. b.,
containing five dollars conscience money.
The Philadelphia Age thinks it was But
Ter. But it wasn't. Not enough money
and too much conscience.-N. Y Watch-
mar.
v---eSir Philip says, "Whcn it shall
please God to bring thee toman's estate,
use great providence and circumspection
in choosing thy wife. For from thence
will spring thy future good or evil and
tits an action of life, like unto stratagem
of war; wherein man can err but once"
A West Virginia editor lets down on
adelinouent, in this wise: eve could
take the little end of nothing, whittle it
down to a point, punch out the pith OF a
horse hair, put in forty thousand such
souls as. his, shake them up, and they
would rattle y
A coarse, ill-natured fellow died one
day, and his friends assembled at his tu-
neral, but no one had good word to say
about the deceased. Even at the grave
all were silent. At length good-na7
tured German, as he turned to go home,
said, 0Vell, he was good schmoker."
IA mani in Texas says he once saw his
obituary notice published, and was able to
read it with pleasure. The only regret
he had was the fear that when he did die
he would not have as many good things
said about him, for he was very young
then, and-innocent.
"What is the reason that men never
Kiss each other, while the ladies waste q
world of kisses on the feminine faces z"
said foolish gent to-a lively girl the 9th
er day. The young lady answered: "Be-
cause the men have something better to
kiss, and the women haven't"
In the Eastern Express office in
Portland. Me-, the head accidently falling
out of one of the barrels of peas sent from
Iowell Mass, marked free, for the desti-
tute ofthe sufferers blythe late fire, note
also fell out, saying to the consignee ::
'Sell for the most you can get and for
ward the proceeds"
"A City contemporary says that letters
addressed to- the editor, if they contain
sscuss Words" twill be returned unopen-
ed"
The above has decided smack of Tip
perary. How could the editor know the
letters contained "cuss words" if he re-
turned them unopened? How could they
be returned" if they were not examined
TO see who wrote them?-N O. Crescent
~ - a lady in Lafayette, Indiana, recent
ly, in preparing her Sunday dinner, put
some beans in pot to bake. In hurry
TO get to church, she inadvertently put
hsr hymn-book in the pot and wrapped q
piece of pork in her pocket handkerchief
and took it to church with her. Her NOR
tifcation was intense upon discovering
her mistake during service; SO was her
hnshanf's at the sinrnlarlv Mons comDO-
sition of hisrepast.
= One day during the hard winter of
1868, Miss Arnold applied to Gen. Mil
roy, then in command at Winchester, for
q permit to forage for her cow, whose
milk was the chief support of the family.
care Won loYal z" asked the general.