davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1866-04-05
down, sir, and just take sup of this !

1t was small flask bottle that the pirate
produced, and so accustomed was he to
serve himself first, that instead of handing
it to the young officer, he placed it to his
own lips and nearly emptied it.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
Application of knowledge.

A very valuable pocketknife was once
dropped into twenty, feet well, half full
of water, How shall we get it out? =
Shall we have to draw the water from the
well?" The writer proposed to use a
strong horse shoe magnet, near by, sus-
pended by a cord. But we cant see
where to lower the magnet so as to touch
the knife" "Throw the suns rays down
on the bottom of the we'll by looking
glass" was the second answer. 1t was
done, the knife rendered visible from the
top of the well, the magnet came into
contact and the knife brought up = all
being accomplished in a minute of time.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
Profit and Loss.

A Western candidate for Congress.
who had large and well-stocked farm,
was annoyed at the almost nightly dis,
appearance from his premises of a num-
ber OF hogs. A vigilant watch enabled
HIM to detect the thief, who proved to be
neiShbor, and a warm political friend
OF the candidate-one, in fact, upon whose
assistance he greatly relied in the coming
canvass He disliked to lose his support,
and he disliked more the idea of losing
his hogs; so made up his mind 10 be
frank with the thief, and try to save in
more senses than one, his bacon. He
went at once to his neighbor, told him
what he had ascertained; expressed his
desire not to make public exposure. and
said: +" Now | make this proposition-if
you will let my hogs alone in future, |
will not only say nothing of the past, but
when l kill in the fall, I'll put into your
cellar five barrels ofas good pork as I make"
The fellow reflected moment, replied:
'' Well, Squire, that's fair proposition,
any how and seeing as it's you, I'll DO it;
but [ VOW believe that l shall lose pork
by the operation"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
Questions for Baseball Men to Answe,

A conscientious reader" OF the Troy
Tones, having been invited to join base
ball club, and wishing to fully understand
the situation before going into the same,
propounds the following pertinent ques-
tons. Players of good moral character
are expected to answer:
Is it right for one person to make
"base' proposal to another?
If fellow gets hit in the centre"
with a swift ball, is his breath allowed to
take short stop?"
If fellow expects his dulcinea pres
cnt, and she doesn't come, can the poor
fellow be "put out" about it?
In the case Of free fight, would play
er be allowed to use brick bat?"
How much beer will the pitcher" of
Il baseball club hold?
If player has g struck ont" for home
with the girls, does the scorer put it down
on the slate?
Suppose player aecidently hits one of
the . dear little ducks" who witness the
game, would it not be = fowl BALI"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
The Idler.

The idle man is an annoyance a nui-
sance. He is of benefit to nobody. He
is an intruder in the busy thoroughfare
of every day life. He stands in our path,
and we push him contemptuously aside !?
He is Of no advantage to any body. He
annoys busy men. He makes them un-
happy. He is cipher in society. He
may have an income to support him in
idleuess, or he may sponge" on his
good nature1 friends. But in either case
he is despised. Young man do some
thing in this busy, bustling wide-awake
world! Move about for the benefit of
mankind, if not for yourself. Do not be
idle. Minutes are too precious to be
squandered thoughtlessly. Every man
and every woman, however exalted or
however humble, can do good in this
short life, if so inclined; therefore do not
be idle.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
The Ak.


The other day was holding a man by
the hand-a hand as firm in its outer tex
ture as leather, aud his sunburnt face as
inhexible as parchment; he was pouring
forth TRADE Of contempt on those who
complain that they can get nothing to do,
as an excuse for becoming idle loafers.
Said | "Jeff, what do you work at,
you look hearty and happy what do you
do?"
"Why," said he, 81 bought me an AK
three years ago that cost me two dollars.
That was all the money l had. / went
to chopping wood by the cord, | have
done nothing else, and have earned more
than $500; drank no grog, paid no doc
tor, and have bought me little farm in
the Hoosier State, and shall be married
next week to girl who has earned $500
since she was eighteen. My old ak shall
keep in the drawer, and buy me new
one to cut my wood with"
After L left him | thought to myself
that "ax and no grog /" They are two
things that make man in this world
How. small capital that ax-how sure
of success with the motto "no grog' And
then farm, and a wife the best Of ALL
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
A Lesson of Trpst.r

Some time ago boy was discovered in
the street, evidently bright and ntelli-
gent, but sick. A man, who had the feel
ing of kindness strongly developed, went
to ask him what he was doing there.
Waiting for God to come for me-" he
said.
"What do you mean ?" said the gentle.
man, touched by the pathetic tone of the
answer, and the condition of the boy, in
whose eye and flushed face he saw the
evidence Of fever.
"God sent for mother, and father, and
little brother" said he, sand took them
away up in the sky and mother told me
when she sick, that God would care for
me. l have no home, nobody to give me
anything, and so I came out here, and
have been looking so long in the sky for
God to come and take care Of me, as moth
or said he would. He will come, won't t
he? Mother never told lie"
ayes, my lad" said the gentleman,
overcome with emotion. "He has sent
me to take care of you"
You should have seen his eyes flash,
and the smile of triumph break over his
face, as he said
"Mother never told lie, sir; but you
have been so long on the way"
What a lesson Of trust, and how this
incident shows the effect of never deciev-
ing children with tales.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
Hindoo Loom.

Nothing can be more rude, or, in ap-
pearance, less calculated for delicate man
ufacture, than the loom of the Hindoo
weaver, which he sets up in the morning
under tree, before his door, and takes
down at sunset. It consists merely of
two rollers, resting on four stakes driven
into ground, and sticks which cross the
warp. These are supported at each end,
the one by cross ties to the tree, under
the shade of which the loom is erected /;
and the other by two cords fastened to
the foot of the weaver; thus enable him
to separate the threads of the warp, for
the purpose of crossing it with the wool.
For the greater convenience, he digs
a hole in the ground to put his legs in
He uses piece of wood or stick, or al
most anything that comes to hand, for a
shuttle; and yet with such rude instru-
ments as these, the Hindoo weaver pro-
duces stuffs so fine, that when spread on
the grass, they intercept none of its col
ors.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
Advice to Young Men.
a cotemporary says:

A young lady, the other day, in the
course of a lecture CATER the manner of
Miss Ansa a. Dickinson), said: get
married young men, and be quick about
it too. Don't wait for the millennium,
hoping that the girls may turn to angels,
before you trust yourself with one of
them. y pretty thing you'd be along
side an angel, wouldn't you-you brute
Don't wait another day, but right now,
this very night, ask some nice, industri-
Gus girl to go into partnership with you,
to clear your pathway of thorns, and plant
it with flowers"
To which cool l-headed philosopher
responds:
Don't do it, young men, until you
know whether the flowers will be natural
posies or artificial parodies, made By
milliner, and fastened upon the love of
bonnet for which, as well as for the flow
ers, modest little bill will be sent to
you.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
A Race for a Husband

About the fourth of a century ago there
lived in Gloucester county, New Jersey
an old widower, named Peter, who was
an odd compound of whim and caprice
his circumstances were not affluent. mol
yet INDECENT, but was considered "com
Portable" At no great distance from hi.
farm resided buxom widow, about four
feet in height, and it was said that her al
ttude was the true guage of the circum-
ference Of her waist.
In the same direction, though farther
from the residence of Peter, lived another
widow, named Amery. These ladies we're
competitors for the favored regard of the
widower. Peters mind was long unde-
cided which of the two widows should
have the preference Amey was beyond
doubt the most beautiful, but then Chris
tiana was corpulent, and of course there
was "more of her."
He at last hit upon an expedient to
bring the affair to conclusion-he wrote
billet to each, purporting that be had
also sent for her competitor, and was re-
solved to marry the one who should first
arrive at his house a lad was despatch
ed with the pair Of billets, aud first de-
livered the one to Amey, whose residence
was most remote from that of the love-
sick swain. She Immediately ordered
her heetest horse to be saddied, while she
arrayed herself in her best attire. BY
lucky chance horse stood saddled at the
gate of Christiana, who was ready dressed
to pay visit to neighber, when the
messenger delivered Peters billet she
quickly mounted her courser, but no soon
er had she got into the road that led to
Peters house, and cast her eyes in di-
rection toward Amey S residence, than she
saw her rival rushing after with the swift
ness of the wind and away went Chris
tiana and Amey, whipping for dear life,
with their bounnets gracefully hanging
on their backs. Both ladies being eqaul-
ly mounted, Christiana preserved the
lead, and after race Of mile and quar-
ter, she bounced into Peters door, ex-
claiming =
"Well, here 1 am, Peter-I got here
first p'
The old gentleman expressed his hap
piness by phlegmatic, "Alas, day w
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
Not Fast Enough.

In trial, at Buffalo, of an action brought
by livery stable keeper against man who
hired a horse and chaise Of him, and smash
ed up the latter most essentiallyan and the for
mer somewhat. Tom. EIallensack was call
cd as witness. .Do you know this horse,
Mr.. Wunessl" g Yes, sir: | owned him
formerly" "What's your business?" 81
am an undertaken" For what reason did
you sell himi' Why, the truth is, that
he was too slow for my business. and let
him 60 to livery stable mani"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06

Our little four-year old Carrie went
with her aunt to a revival meeting. The
preacher was very earnest in his delivery,
and she was very much interested. emo
ther," said she, when she came home,
f" have heard such smart minister =
he stamped and pounded aud made sach
noise and by -and-by he got so mad he
came out the pulpit aud shook his fists at
the folks, and there ,casnt anybody dared
to 90 mp and fight HIM"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
A FuPair.

A dandy is thing in pantaloons-with
a body and two arms, head without brains,
tight boots, cane aud white handker-
chief two brooches, and ring on his lit
tie finger. 4 coquctte is young lady
with more beauty than sense, more ac-
complishment than learning, with more
charms of person than graces ef mind,
more admirers than friends, and more
fools than wise men for her attendants.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06

walk into the room to be married, till we
got so we could walk as graceful as coup
le of Muscovite ducks.
We were married and my troubles
ended.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06

A newspaper correspondent, describing
the custume of belle at a recent ball. says:
{" Miss B, with that repugnance to os-
tentaton in dress which is so peculiar TO her
sex, was alfred IN simple white lace col
lar, fastened with u neat pearl button soli-
taire." A "simple ATTIRE" truly, if that was
all of it,
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
UNDERTAKING IN ALL IT'S BRAN
ches

Particular attention Will be given TO this
branch of the subscribers business. He will
always study to please and consult the
wants and wishes Of those who employ him.
From the number of years experience he has
had in this branch of business he cannot and
will not not be exceiied either in city or
country. Prices one-third less than is usual
ly charged, from 30 to 75 finished Collins al
ways on hand. Trimmings to suit the best
Hearse in the country. Funerals attended
at one hours notice. J. II. MCCARTHY.
May II, 1S66.-tf
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06

"Oh, aunty, make Freddy behave him
self Every time | happen to hit him on
the head with the mallet he bursts right
out crying and makes a noise, and won
stand it, SO | won't
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06
DR. A. REEVES JACKSON,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON.

Begs leave to announce that, in order to
prevent disappointment, he will hereafter de-
vote THURSDAY Y ana SATURDAY OF
each week exclusively 10 CONSULTATIONS
and SURGICAL OPERATIONS at his Office
Parties from distance who desire 10 con-
suit him, can do so, therefore, on those days.
Stroudsburg, May 81, Is66.-tf.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06

If you want to geta favor of a man,
feed him. A man, like horse, cannot be
managed until he has bit in his mouth.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06

What did Lot do when his wife was
turned into pillar of salt? Got fresh
one.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-12-06

II ECEIyED this day splendid assort-
Il y ment of HOUSEHOLD FURNITURE.
August 2, 1866.
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-09-20
ORGANIZE AND WORK.

That the defeat of the Copperheads, and
their "bread and butter' allies is to be uni
uersal and overwhelming is already cert
ainly indicated by the results inVermont and
Maine. But it should not be sufficient that
they are defeated at the polls. The situa-
tion of the Country demands that the popu-
lar voice should be significantly expressed.
Every thousand votes added to the ma jori-
ties against my policy" is of the greatest
consequence. 1t is not enough that Cover
nor and Congressman are elected who are
loyal and true. fAlpopular verdict is de-
manded against the usurpation and domi-
neering ipsolence of ANDREW JOHNSON, which
will signify that the course of the peoples
meet whit heir hearty appro
bation Vermont and Maine have already
spoken, Pennsylvania but waits the coming
second Tuesday of October, to add her re-
sponse. But the glorious voting in Maine
was not achieved without systematic effort
The State was thoroughly canvassed and
the result is seen IN an increased majority
of 10000. a.s 81. aa aj s.t vJaa
The Republicans of Bradford are expected
to contribute largely to the Republican ma
iority in Pennsylvania this fall. We can
give GEARY 5000 majority,if the unionlmer
of the County will thoroughly organize and
work with the day of election. The grea
effort to be made is for a full vote. Every
thing depends upon having the voters at th'
polls. An organization should be imme
diately effected in every election district
Committees should be formed in every schoo
district to make list of voters and arrang
ments for bringing every voter to the polls
ORGANIZATION and LABOR should be the watch
words. . f# u e. Ii
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-09-20
THE JOHNSON NOMINEE FOR CoNnppo,

Judge Elwell has been Nominated
Congress by conference that dons ''F
venture to give itself name. w. AC'
however, that the conference upa,,ir,.,' A"''
adopted the resolutions and address r,s! ara!
National Union Convention held At plg :re
delphia on the l4th Of August last "''
The committee appointed to wal, ~,
Judge EIwell returned with that ,eag ry'a
man, "who in few brief ana pertment
marks accepted the nomination"
What those "few brief rernark.n ,.,
we are not informed. We do NOT l,,.
how Judge Elwell will feel with the ro" NOV,
bread and butter mantle thrust upon ii,
but his friends are quite iuJilant !, %
hope that they can coax over, buy, steal
borrow enough votes to elect him r.
this they are doomed to disappoiptm.,.
There is nothing in the new cause No, !,
the man they have nominated. to win r.r
ular favor The Johnson cause is alre.i.
condemned by discriminating men Of Il
parties. The Cops give it only tacit nm.
port to carry personal ends this year sTl
they intend to leave johnson in hi, ,yr
mud, as soon as their wings, which -.
badly scorched in the Rebellion, alc new nv,
1edged Personally Judge EIwell is ale.
spectacle man, but has few Of those qg..
ties which make an influential Cogtrr..
man Judge Elwell has been successful =,
a lawyer his head is full Of reported
cases and legal technicalities, but il pgIi.
tics he has never risen above mcdjycriry
Those who have known him well for .wcuiy
years know that he has failed in almy,,
every political step which he has take,
He never rose to be political leader eve.
Of the few Democrats left il Bradford Al.
ter the Republican party was formed. Tie
stronger mind of Piolet always led tie
way and Elwell followed He has frequent
! ly been a respectable tool for unscrupula.,
men, and that is his position now. L.
will find that his pretended friends L4v.
proved his worst enemies by thrustins Lin
into position for which neither his turn
mind or habits Of life have fitted him.
| Sullivan Free Press
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-09-20
THE MEETING ON THE a2D.

The Republican Union Mass Meeting at
this place, on Saturday next, promises to
be one of the largest gatherings held here
since the days of 1856. Should the wealth
er prove favorable, thousands will unques-
tionably be present to greet and hear the
able and distinguished men who will be
present.
No man has fought the foul spirit of trea-
son with more unfinching courage, with
more persistent energy than JOHN W. For
NEY. He has made himself reputation in
the conflict of the age, which will endear
him forever to the friends of freedom and
human rights in all ages to come. A grace
full and eloquent orator, to hear him discus
traitors and treason will be rare treat
The presence of Governor CUKTIN, the
soldiers friend" as he has been aptly
named, will draw together all the "boys in
blue" who remember with gratitude, the
many favors they received from him while
in the field, and his tender care for them
while they were in the hospitals. We trust
that he will be welcomed to Bradford by
such demonstration as shall prove that
the soldiers and their friends are not un-
mindful Of his services, nor ungrateful for
his devotion to their interests.
JUDGE PTKIN, of New Orleans, who will
also be present and address the meeting, is
an able speaker, and one Of that band Of
loyalists which has upheld the flag of the
country, in the crescent city. A spectator
of the dreadful scenes of carnage recently
occurring in that city, he is well qualified
to speak Of the disloyalty and intolerance
of the reconstructed"
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-09-20
THE PRESIDENTIAL TOUR ENDED.

The President has swung round the en-
tire circle, and having deposited the Consti-
tuition at several hundred places, in the
hands of the people, has finally returned to
the White House, to the great relief of his
partizans. The Country, which has been
thoroughly shocked and disgusted by his
insane and Incorporate conduct, will be re-
lieved from daily accounts of the humiliat-
ing spectacle presented by the Great Ego
tist and the demented SEWARD. No sadder
incident has ever occurred in the history
of the nation than this electioneering tour
of President JOHNSON. Even that thorough
lick-spittle RAYMOND has been obliged to
apologize for the Presidents indecent con-
duct and Incorporate language.
The President can now settle down in the
White House, and prepare for the thunders
of popular disapprobation, which begun
in Vermont and Maine, will sweep across
the whole Continent, and would teach him
how low he has fallen in the nations esti-
nation, has he not become besotted in his
own self-conceit and bad passions
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-09-20

SOLDIERS, LOOK OUT FOR THE AssEssMENTs.-
There are large number of returned sol
diers who, during the four years of the war,
lost their assessments at their usual places
of residence Some of them secured the
right to vote under the article of the Con-
stitution allowing soldiers to vote but
many of them no doubt neglected to be
properly qualified last Fall To all such,
we would suggest that it is their duty to
watch the assessment lists which are re-
quired to be posted at various places in
their township in short time If they
should not find their names there, they
should be particular to attend the extra as
sessments and secure their rights. Once
assessed, and having paid their taxes, they
will be ready to vote in October, as it is
their privilege and duty to do as faithful
citizens
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-09-20
nAs The Mass Meeting to hear MONTGt

aeA- The Mass Meeting to hear MoNTGoM-
ERY BLAIR, was complete failure. Not
more than two hundred and fifty persons
were in attendance, including Republicans,
women and children. The Democratic lea
ders were thoroughly disgusted with his
harangues, and more forcible than compli-
mentary in their comments. He was in
troduced by the acting chairman of the
Democratic County Committee, but he be-
rated the Democracy and Mr. BUCHANAN
very soundly We trust the Democracy
will keep him travelling. The fruits of his
labors are so very apparant in Maine, that
we should be rejoiced to hear that he had
been engaged for the balance of the cam
paign in Pennsylvania. aa 7 ta#H
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-09-20

The EXTRA TWO THoUsAND-Mr JOHNSON,
while swinging round the circle, has taken
pains to frequently repeat-and he repeats
ad nauseam every idea which struggles to
his brain or is suggested to him by others
that Congress has voted $4,000 addition
al pay to each of its members. He has,
however, ommitted to state that the. .propo-
sition to increase the pay of Congress was
moved in the House by the "bitter Copper
head" Mr. N1BLAcK, of Indiana, and in the
Senate by the 'four.thirds rebel" RIDDLE, of
Delaware and that majority Of the Demo
Gratis of the House voted for the increase,
while majority of the Republicans opposed
it. .. -.- g.. .n.
Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-09-20

ner in which it is conducted is mncb :.
regretted. He does not apocar i"'n t 70 be
tage, and both the Office which h. S',,I h. ,SIoyal
the government which he renresart Y'4S and
IDENTIFY part with their prestige = in n'tu'a tI evi
ence Of such exhibitions "a Ln ' pres,
making of himself. He should has "as 'een
yelled only rs the President Of tbo ,'Ig ". ira
States, and maintained the simple dipn;.d r'ied
and comprehensive courtesy which bc3iang b3ing
to that unique station. He has, how@ms h,ons'
unfortunately chosen to present h;,n,.I, hr,,I
everywhere as the champion Of a ,,,l'se'i Yras. I
policy, in advocating which he apnaol ryvI4
the passions of the people, and bG.s bo,S1 |"
those who differ from him to the unbI;a biGs Up
probrium He will return to WasLin~o. W
We greatly fear, with less of the ,t; n,t; ''a' q,
respect and confidence than he had t,'I har1| )