The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1866-11-27

how repelng Is the GTumblerl
His vile never yet prepared q dinner that he
liked. one day She prepares a dish that she
thinks will particularly please him. He comes
in the froRt door, and says, "Whew whew
what haze you got IN the house? Now, my dear,
you know that l never did like goldfish"
Naughter) Some evening, resolving to be
especially gracious, he starts with his family TO
a place OF amusement. He soods the most of
the way. he cannot afford the time or the
money, and he does not believe the entertain
ment will be much, after all. The music begins.
The audience are thrilled. Tue orchestra, WITH
polished instruments, warble and weep, and
thunder and pray and all the sweet souhus ol
the world Towering upon the strings OF the oase
viol, and wreathing the Hageolets, ana breath
ing from the lips of the cornet, ana shaklng
tbelr nower9ells upon tne ne goes
home saying, ''Dld you see tnat Iat musician
that got so red blowing that French hornS He
looked like stuffed t9SS; 9o Did y9H ever % hear
perfect squawk The evening was wasted and
his companion says, "Wby, my dearp There,
you needn't tell meG You are pleased with
everything. But never ask me to go again !"
He goes to church. Perhaps the sermon is
didactic and areumentative. He yawns. He
gapes. He twists himself in the pew and pre-
tends he Is asleep, and says, II could not keep
Can these dry bones liveY Next Sabbath he
enters church where the minister is much
given to illustration. He is still more dis
e plesseo. ne says LOW uare tnat man orlng
ought 10 have brought his illustrations from
the cedar of Lebanon and the fr-tree, instead
OF the hickory ana sassatras. He ought to have
spoken of the Euphrates and the Jordan, aud
not of the Kennebeck and Schuylkill. He
ought to have mentioned Mount Gerazim
instead of the Catskils. Why, he ought to be
disciplined. Why, IL is rtdtculOuSn Perhaps
afteTwhile he joins the church. Then the
church will have its hands full. He growls
and groans and whnes and sniff1es all the way
up towards the gate of heaven. He wishes that
the choir would sing differently, that the min
would pray differently. In the morning. he
said 1.-The church was as cold as Greenland" in
the evening, sit was hot as blazes." Uaughter.)
They painted the church; he didn't like the
color. They carpeted the aisles; he didn't like
the figure. They put in a new furnace; he
didn'tAhke the patent. He wriggles and squirms
and irets and stews, and worries himself. He
is like horse that prancing and uneasy to the
bit, worries himself into lather of foam, while
the horse hitched beside him just pulls straight
ahead, makes no fuss, and comes TO mis- oats in
peace. Like hedgehog, he is all quills.
UauRhter.) Like crab, that, you kno always
goes the other way, and moves backward in
order 10 go forward, and turns in four directions
all at once, and the first you know of his where
abouts you have missed him, and when he is
completely lost he has gone by the heel-so that
the first thing you know you don't know any
thine-(renewed laughter)-and while you ex.
pected to catch the crab the crab catches you
Naughter.)
obstinacy and opposition. do not see how he
is to get into heaven unless he goes in back
wards and then there will be danger that at
the gate he will try to pick xuarrel with st.
Peter. Once in, fear he will not like the music,
and the services will be too long, and that he
Will spend the first two or three years in trying
to find out ghether the wall OF heaven is exactly
plumb. Let us stand of from. such tendencies,
Listen for sweet notes rather than for dscords,
picking up margolds and harebells in preference
TO thistles and coloquntlda, culturing thyme
aud anenones rather than nightsnade. And in
a world where God hath put exquisite tinge upon
the shell washed in the surf and planted u para
disc of bloom in chld's cheek and adorned the
pillars OF the rock by hanging tapestry ofmorn-
ing mist, the lark saying, 81 will sing soprano"
and the cascade replying, Il will carry, the
base, let US leave il to the owl to hoot, and the
frog to croak, and the bear to groWI and the
grum bier to find fault.
The lecturer recommended outdoor exercise
for the purpose of cultivating cheerful spirit.
Do you own horse? Have him well groomed,
till every hair gltstens and the long name rip
pies over his neck; and from nostril down over
the launches unto the fetlock, be he bay black
dun chestnut or sorrel, there is nothing want
ing. Have him brought out; put the bucket to
his mouth and hear the water rattle down his
throat in great swallows. Give him a gentle
patting on the shoulder, call him by pet name,
and then putting your left foot into the stirrup
vault into the saddle. Now sail ahead. Let
him leap and pranee, and champ his bit and
snort with pride as he careers along the high
way. Your blood will tingle you will feel as
if you were flying. Health will come with
every bounce. Let him trot, amble and gallop
everything on the turnpike, and with the keen
est appetite you ever had, come to supper.
There is something wrong in that mans heart
who does not admire the horse.
Do you own pair OF skates? Wrap yourself
warm, start for the pond sit down on the bank.
strap on the skates so that they cannot turn,
then strike out. Carve all the hieroglyphics Of
sport with your heel on the ice. Wheel round,
mo- nFaaf Foot NOV nT n mQ r1
forward, like swallow skimming the brook;
like a deer chased across the snow by Lap
lander; swift as the hare with lugs fiat back on
Marlborough downs; as an antelope over the
plain; voices calling, pond resounding, steel
skates ringing, hands clapping, hills echoing.
Sportfulness is queen who often sits in
palace of ice. with sceptre of iclcle and orchestra
In which northern blasts sound their horns, and
such come nearest her throne who approach
with skates, tippet, and sandals of clattering
steel. You will have to give up your prejudices
and let even the ladies skate. Be not among
those who suppose that God sent woman into
the world equipped only for the sublime mission
OF darning stockings and sewing on shirt but
TONS (Laughter) You have no monopoly Of
the ice. You must let the ladies skate.
But do not know any array of horrors that
can Withstand an attack from regiment with
balls and bats From the ball that the boy of
four years rolls across the carpet to that which
is flung up by the muscular arm of the sports
man, in the sight of five thousand people come
out In the suburbs to see the carnival, there is
something bewitching about its bounce and
flight: Every Roman villa had its place for this
exercise. France had houses built especially
for ball-playing. Henry VII and Macmillan, of
olden time, engaged In this sport. German pro-
fessors, weary OF making dictionaries, came out
to joininlt and welal at school, used to take the
bat, put spitle on one side of it, and then throw
1t up to see who should have first stroke, and
have had many sharp sting from the ball that
struck us before we got to the hunk" People
who have spent fortunes at Saratoga and Sui
phur Springs and Baden-Badens to get away