Smyrna times., 1866-08-22
Gossip OF the Land Office.
AnlaSiR0 Anec10feS.


A Washington correspondent of the New
York EUenin9 Post writes the following.
A few years ago the Land Office contained
probably as many odd characters in its clerical
force OF one hundred or thereabOuts as ever
were brought together under the SUM- There
was venerable and impurtable D., nick
named " Patience on the Monument; the
draughtsman Mr.. s., "Old Alternate Sec
tion;' the courtly and erudite Colonel K,
"Old Theatre Thunder )" the eccentric Y,
man of pOnderous and incessant energy, a
steady drnkcr, prodigiOus worker instanta-
neOus IN repartee or in anger, who drove
through the Office from room to room, both
hands full OF papers, with ridiculous inpetu0si-
ty. y was deaf as post, and it is remark
able how many in that Bureau suffered with
the like infirmity
Many years ago man from the far West
having a valuable claim was in danger of being
dlspOssessed by neighbOr who, having seat
IN Congress, was thought to have influenced the
land officials of his district to refuse the SQUAT
ter hearing: lie appealed by letter to the
General Land Office, but getting no satisfaction,
came all the way to Washington to get hear
ing In person. He wore coOnskin cap, hunt
lng shirt, mOccasslns, &c, and was visibly COM
petent on all pioneer occasions. As he ascend
ed the steps of the Patent Office building. he
mlstook well-known simpleton who happened
to stand near the entrance for an usher or
doorkeeper. Getting no satisfaction from him,
and euppo,ing him to be deaf, he entered the
building with some trepiddtion, where the first
person he met was Mr. b, of the Interior
Department. Clerk Of Land Appeals, who is
very hard OF hearing but who kindly inQuiring,
understood from the strangers response about
MS appeal that he was himself the person
sought.
After some obscure conversation, Mr.. b
heard enough to Justify directing the stranger
to the Commissioner Of the General Land OF
nee, pointing out the room. The stranger mis-
takenly entered the room of the dlsbursing
clerk, Mr. DE X, who cannot hear a bras,
band. Looking at the papers, Mr. De K
saw they concerned land warrant location, and
directed the stranger, perplexed by meeting so
many deaf men, to the proper ROOM Into thi,
he came vlslbly agitated, and addressed himself
unobtruslyely to one Of the occupants, who
happened to be the deaf and impetuous Y.
No answer of course. He spoke louder
y still at his work, driving his pen head
long The l1Oosler was completely cOnfound-
ed. Louder and louder the unfortunate peti-
toner bawled, while clerks from all parts Of the
office came running. Z" cum all the way from
Otter Tail to git hearin, and find the hull
lAhuO CihCS uCI dc d uCdu lulln continuing
IN voice that would have shocked a grizzly
bear, Now, eff can't git a hearing I'll see
et | cant make sight -
Y, seeing huge angry fellow laying off
his coat, was not the man to question the case,
and, without hesitation, began the like prepa-
ration. Byotanders intertered, and taking the
stranger to the Commissioner, he began his
business to that grave decorOus official in a roar
that overwhelmed him with indignant aStonish-
ment. Not SO loud, sir am not deaf!'
Never mind me, sir, beloved the Hoosier.
came here for hearin, and I'll make sure
OF it before | 90" The Commissioner heard
him.
Colonel Jack Dade is not unknown to read
ers Of printed jokes He was from Old Vir-
glna, and his peculiar original manner of illus
tratng the social chivalry and dcctrinal ab.
stractions of the Old Dominion was much like
cunning burlesque. He was clerk in the
Land Office during the incumbency of the late
DIR. Fraley as chief clerk, an official of indetati-
gable industry and unsparing censure When
his stern, deep-toned voice was heard, clerks
would hasten to busy themselves, SO that he
seldom entered a room in which all were not
deeply engr0sSed
One warm day the old Colonel, having over
charged the julep of the hour, was sound
asleep at his desk when DR. Frailey entered
His nervous clutch aroused the happy sleeper
" hat branch Of the public business shall |
report Colonel Dade as prosecuting to-day,
r?' inquired the terrible intruder
Report me, sir, )" replied the portly Colo
mel, with great gravity and assurance, as
prosecuting the important public duties to
which | am sworn in my oath of Office
What are they?"
The Colonel lifted himself beside his feeble
and attenuated censor to his lottlest height,
and, with the most imperial dignity, said
L am supporting the Constitution of the
United States !"