Smyrna times., 1866-11-07
MIS- SCELLAN EOUS.
MRS. BULLWINKLE,
BY WILKIE COLLINS.

Ladies and gentlemen, give me five minutes
| sympathy and attention. l have something Sc
rlOuS to say to you.
am married man, with an income which
is too miserably limited to be worth mention
ing. About month since my wife advanced
me one step nearer to the Court for the Relief
OF lnsOlvent Debtors by presenting me with an
other child. On five previous occasions her
name had appeared in the list of British
Mothers which adorns the daily supplement Of
the Times newspaper. At each Of these try
ing periods Il speak entirely of myself when |
use the word trying" she was attended by
the same monthly nurse. On this last and
| sixth occasion we were not SO fortunate as to
| secure the services Of our regular functiOnary.
She was already engaged and new nurse
with excellent recommendations, was therefore
employed in her stead When | first heard of
her, and was told that her name was Bullwin
| kle, laughed 1t was then the beginning of
the month. 1t is now the end oft, and write
down that once cOmical name with 4 settled
gravity which nothing can disturb.
We all know Mrs Camp. My late monthly
nurse Is the exact antipOde Of her. Mrs. Bull
winkle is tall and digniied; her complexion is
fair; her Grecian nose is innocent of eonvva
col0ring; her figure is not more than agreeably
plump; her manners are icily composed; her
dress Is quiet and neat; her age cannot be more
than fve-and- thirty; her style of conversation,
when she talks, is flowing and grammatical
| upon the whole, she appears to be woman
who is much too lady like for her station in
life. When first met Mrs. Bullwinkle on the
stairs | felt inclined to apologize ior my wife S
presumption in engaging her services. Though
| checked this absurd impulse, | could not re-
slst answering the new nurse 5 magnificent curt
sey by expressing polite hope that she would
hnd her situation everything that she could
wish, under my roof
- am not accustomed to exact much. sir. y
said Mrs. Bullwinkle. 1.-The cook seemed 7
am reJoned to say, an intelligent and attentive
person. l have been giving her some little
hints ON the subject of my meals. have ven
tured to tell her that eat little and often: anC
l think she thoroughly understands me"
e L am ashamed to say was not so sharp a
:, the cook. | did not thoroughly understand
Mrs. Bullwinkle, until it became my duty
though my wife's S inability to manage our do
mestic business, to settle the weekly bills.
then became sensible of an alarming increas
in our household expenditures If Ihad give
two dinner parties in the course of the wee
the bills could not have been more exorbitant
the butcher, the baker and the grocer could nc
have taken me at heavier pecuniary disad
vantage; My heart sank as | thought Of m
miserable income. l looked up piteously froI
the bills to the cook for an explanation.
The cook looked back at NE compassionate
ly, shook her head and said:
r. Mrs. Bullwinkle'
l reckOned up additional Joints. addition;
chops, additional steaks, tillets, kidneys, or;
Id vy-beets. told off terrible supplement
the usual family consumption of bread. fou
in the cook again, and again the cook shook hC
te head, and said
Z" Mrs Bullwinkle"
My miserable income obliges me to look aft
sixpences as other men look after five-pouu
- notes. Ruth sat immOvable on the pile
weekly bills, and stared me sternly in the fac
| went up into my wife's room. The ne
nurse was not there The unhappy partner
my pecuniary embarrasments was reading
novel; My innocent infant was smiling in
Sleep | had taken the bills with me. Ru
followed them up stairs, and sat spectral on o.
side of the bed.
IS. Don't be alarmed, love, " said, eff "
hear the police in the house. Mrs Bullwink
has large family, and feeds them all out
" our provisions. A search shall be institute
and slumbering justice shall be aroused. Lo
at these joints, these chops, these steaks the
nllets, these kidneys, these gravy-beets!
= NY wife shook her head exactly as the co
llau shaken hers, and answered precisely as
cook had answered:
Mrs. Buwinkle."
'LL clo;nn9 but where does she hide it al?"
Per- my wlfe shut her eyes and shuddered.
.eip- .,.cS oonn nm she said, have privately O.
Am % RnIIw;utio rII DOCTOR; and the doctor says N
Dea. !" If the doctor had to nav these hills "I
torted savagely, "he would not i he "n;t,s "f, 90
ell. with his jokes" ''O' oe quite 50
,odo d ! ne Is ~ earnest, dear. He explaiped
lade M never knew before-that cow sneu ;s an .
NAL with many stomachs-.'' . "" % An
aa@ -. ..~.