Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1866-08-31
afit amd atisdon,.

Taking liberty-brcaking Jail.
Kiss--A receipt given on paying your
addresses. -
Forgiveness, after the heart is brok-
Ell, Is pardon after execution. -
Men who fight dueis have two see
onds to live after they are dead. .a
Why are some fortunes like ships?
Because they are built on stocks.
Moore had the petroleum fever when
he sung, go had l some bright little
isle of my own"
Why is bad spclcr like fast knit
ter? Answer. because he soon gets to
the foot.
Many run about after happiness, like
an ahsent-minded man hunting for his
hat while it is OIL his head.
"Ugh Him great man! Big brave!
Take many scalps!n said an Indian,
seeing Il window full of wigs.
'Tis always morning somewhere: and above,
The awakening con ntinents, from shore IN shore
Somewhere the birds are singing evermore.
-LonUe,lo,o.
'"The greatest organ i'm the world"
some wicked old bachelor says, "is the
organ of speech i'm women, because It's
an organ without stops"
The age of young lady Is now ex-
pressed according to the present style
Of skirts, by saying "eighteen springs
have passed over her head"
G. Hosephat has plan for paying off
the NATIONAL debt. His proposition is,
to convert the entire Indebtedness in
to greenbacks, and keep them In circu-
lation until they wear out. .
Some people are never contented
After having all their limbs broken,
their heads smashed, and their brains
knocked out in railroad accident,
they will actually go to law and try to
get further damages.
When has u lady moro water in her
system than when she has n cataract on
her eyes, a creek I'm her back, n water
fall on her poll, and her shoes high
tied? When she has notion IAN
ocean, In her head.
ADDITION TO MOTHER GoosE's MELoDIE3--
JEFF Davis was q warrior bold,
And vowed the YanEs should fall
And swore he'd rule them ali.
But when he saw the Yankees come p.
To hang him II they could
He jumped into petticoat,
And started for the wood.
--Boston Journal.
At dinner i'm compliment to tho fra
tcrnity, the toast was given: "An hon
est lawyer, the noblest work of God. H.
But an old farmer, In the back part OF
the ball, rather spoiled the effect by ad-
ding i'm u loud voice, "and about the
scarcest."
"When j have a cold in my head"
said gentleman in company, I" L am
always remarkably dull and stupid.n
: You are to be pitied then, SIR" replied
another, "for don't remember ever to
have seen you without u cold in your
head.n
An old lady who recently visited
Oneida, N. Y, was asked on her return
If the canal passed through that village.
She paused awhile and answered:
guess not; didn't see IL, and IL 1t did
it must have gone through in the night
when l was asleep.
A kiss on the forehead signifies admit
ration for intellect. On the cheek, for
Is an awkward fool. On the chin, that
he appreciates Paradise Lost.n On
the lips, love. A short kiss, that he is
scared, or don't like the article. A long
one, Paradise Regained."
A way has been discovered to stand
an egg on end, more satisfactory than
the method employed by Columbus
Nothing more is required than to shake
the egg very hard. until the white net
work which holds the yolk is broken.
when the yolk descend. into the large
end, the center OF gravity Is changed,
and the egg may be easily balanced.