Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1866-12-21
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Z GrOuuets Is Nflckeb Oh tUe lSdrtQ.
! Should one see a naked Moor, one would
naturally be reminded Of fundressed Morocco.
BEeLAND has witty poet, in Hood but
Ameries has one W(h)ittier.
1oss, are like Joe Miller. because they fur
nish 1ragss with their tails.
Ira pig could talk Latin, what would he
say? Why doubtless, "Porka Uer6af'
WHEN is the best time to read the book of
nature When aatumn turns the leace8.
/ WHAr is the relation of the door.mat to
the scraper? It is a step-farther.
Why is a thiefcalIsd a jail bird +? Because
he has been Robin.
We are never satisfied that lady under
stands kiss unless we have it from her own
mouth.
| ALL our laws would seem TO be bankrupt
laws; they are broken every day
! Iprighteous men are the sails of the earth,
why are not girls its sugar Because they
are its 'lasses.
IL London, a coalshipper testified that he
and his wife Lad quarreled and parted forerer
more than tce,rfy times
WHY is a lady's bonnet like eupalo p
Because it covers the belle, the former is
supposed to cover.
SOLOMON advises the sIuggard to 60 the
aunt, but the shiftless ia our days generally
go to their uncle
A WIT and fool in company are ike a
crab and an oyster-one watches till the 9TH
er opens its mouth that he may catch him up.
'Yor should be ashamed husband, to snore
so !! oh, it is entirely unintentional |
never dc it with my eyes open.
IT is very easy to get up a meteoric display
on a dark night by running your nose violent
ly against lamp post.
4 THINK / have seen you before, sir are
you not Owen Smith p 'Oh yes; I'm OWN
Smith, and OWN Jones, and owin' Brown,
and OWN everybody
The crier of a court in Ireland endeavored
to suppress the crowd by exclaiming: "AI
ye blackguards that isin't lawyers, lave the
coort.
A MAN being asked, as he lay summing him
self on the grass, what was the height of his
ambition, replied, ''To marry rich widow
with bad cough"
'WHAT makes you look so grim, Tom :?
| 'Ob ] had to endure sad trial tony feelings.
| what on earth was it p why had to tie
on pretty girls bonnet while her mother
was looking on.
SUBJECTS for oonundrums being nearly ex-
hausted, our desperate joker has gone back
to our first parents, and inquiries "Why was
Eve not afraid ofthe measles Because she'd
Adam.
A gentleman was one day arranging music
for young lady, to whom he was paying his
attentions. .'Pray, Miss jessie Ann, said he
what time do you prefer p She replied
cal eruIIy, any time viii do-but the quicker
| the better
.1ry nIend has a great reverence Tor Ine
truth, said a Baronet 10 a gentleman. so I
perceive was the reply, for he always keeps
at a respectable distance from it.
A GENTLEMAN was speaking the other day
of he kindness of his friends in visiting
him. One old aunt in particular visited him
twicea year and staid six months each time.
A Lay was asked to join one of the divis-
ions Of be Daughters of Temperance. She
replied Nt''This is unnecessary, as it is NY
intention tdjoin one ofthe Sons in the course
} of 9few weeks
fWHAr ablessin' whiskey punch would be
y the human family, if there never want no
Tomorrow mornin' ! - said an old topper, who
was enjoying his customary Headache after
nights debaueh.
"CATo, what DO you suppose is the reason
that the sun goes to the south in the winter?''
swell, don't know, massa, unless he no
stand de clemency OBJ de norf, an SO am obi
ged to got to de souf, where he speriences
--,rs.44ss long lmtrude-
ALEXANDER DUMAS, the elder, returning
from days sport at the country-seat of a
friend with perfectly empty game bag, was
asked "Well Dumas what have you killed?''
Thine, . was the quiet reply.
A PRETTY girl says our Maker thought
it wrong for Adam to live single, when there
was not a woman on theearth, how criminally
guilty are the old bachelors, with the world
full cf pretty girls.
a BosToy Judge recently lyrefused to divorce
a husband and wife, whose complaints Of i'll
temper and incompatibiIity were mutual on
the ground that it would never answer to al
low such uncomfortable persons a chance to
get others into such scrape as marrying
th EN- would involve
An 'emigrant,' who had been somewhat
rnnghly dealt with by the .wild-cat gentry of
Virginia City, thus expresses his opinion of
that lively town 'Tf Gabriel happened to
light at Virginia City, therell be no resur-
rection for they'll swindle him out Of his
horn before he can make a single toot a toot.,
''sTUTrERHG Ben, who was toasting his
shins, observing that the oil merchant was
cheating customer in some oil, called out
to him.
AJim, l can tell you how to s-sell t.twice as
much oil as you do now.
'Wel, how?' groaned JIM
Fill your measure.
LITTLE Mamie sfather is generally too bu
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