The Portland daily press., 1866-11-24
Nice Little Children,

If the first born of Egypt were lively chill
dren, with tendency to ask questions, I look
upon HerOd as a benevolently wise man. whose
acts have been misconstrued; and whose MEM
ory has been vilified A vast amount of nom
sensical interrogatives which would have both
| cred the patriarchs, and perhaps stopped the
wheels of that parental style of government he
spared that generation.
The other day, in an unguarded moment
accepted the charge and custody of Young
Charles III. hat and feather. His sponsors in
baptism had given him one name-circumstan-
ces another: His latter appellation, Buster"
His age, as he informed me, was 'going on T."
when ne made up his mind that we were to
be lett together, he eyed me inadvertently a
moment, and immediately commenced the fol-
lowing system of torture. l
What was my name and my brothers and
my fathers name, and why? Did I have any
little boys? Why didn't Ihave any little bows?
What was the reason, if didn't have any lit
tie boys, didn'thave any little girls? Ali this
put as one question, with no stops, and a grad
ual rising infection. %
Was them buttons gold in my sleeve, and,
why? How much did they cost? Did thew
cost one hundred and fifty -five dollars? IF they
didn't cost one hundred and fifty-fye dollars
what would be the price Of gold house with
gold furniture and gold staircase? Did ever
see house with these auriferous peculiarities?
No.
What then would be the cost of a silver car
riage and gold harness? What then would
be the cost of leaden carriage with iron har-
ness? And why?
Did know why the flies walked on the
ceiling? Could 1 walk on the ceiling? Not if
had one man to hold my head and another
my legs? Why couldn't 1? Couldn't I if I
was giant? Did ever see giant? Was
personally acquainted with any? Did ever
see them eat?
How far was it to New York? Was it mil
non OF miles? Fifty million of miles? If he
lDusGef) mad balloon, and should start of,
WouId ne get there tonight? Nor next night,
| nor another night, nor next week and w4y3
Isoon found out that this WHY was simple
form OF closing all Questions, like the usual note
of interrogation. ~
What was my business, and did I know anv
| stories? and WHY? "A'
This afforded plan of relief T;ns+on.,,
started into history of my previous Iife anSS
adventures invested all my relations and
| friends with supernatural attributes, and made
myself creation something between a Genie
and Robinson Crusoe made the most aston
lshng voyages and saw most remarkable oc-
cnrrences. l drew literally from the Arabian
| NignIs and Baron Munchausen. Whenever
saw tne open mouth address itself to motion,
as though 'twould speak," brought in Roc
OF denle or casket of diamonds and took
away the unhappy child's breath! In the
midst OF an animated description of my last
| voyage to the Hoarhound Islands. and adyen-
lures in the damp caves, where the candles
hung in long stalactites, the parents hapnilv
returned. I hurriedly received their thapLys
and left. But have the secret Satisfaction If
knowing that all that pent-up torrent of
questions burst on the unhappy father; and
! ity Of FLOATING Island" the "Blanc Mango
Archipelago" and "the Valley of Cream Cakes"
will be henceforth his dreadful lot to meet and
answer!