Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1866-12-06


goodclothes ~ "Feas, thedevil? Why, thatd, g
sleeps withme.7 'sYes, darn you, / know it {;
and that's whar he gets them
Welearn from a country paper that digger
was summoned to the police court for shying
some cracked dinner plates at Chinaman's
head. The defense ofthe accused was that Mr.
No Save had addressed him in broken English,
and that be bad merely answered him in bro
ken China. Case dismissed
A fast freshman, in time of revival, Joined
the church, but was found SHINING grieyously
not long afterwards "Didutyou Join the Me-
thodists p inquired apiously disposed pus N.
>''Faix an did. jned for sax months, and
bchavedso well that they let me off with three"
Two Irishmen were in prison, one for steal
ing a watch and the other for stealing a COW.
Mike" said the cow stealer one day, ''what
time is it?' "Och, said pat, " hayn't my
watch handy but think it's about milking
time"
\ promising youth Of six summers return
ed from church with a sad countenance and
heavy heart. His parents anxiousy inquired
what was the matter, to which the Lao replied:
"The preacher said we must be born again, and
I don'twantto, 'fraid I'll be a gal next time"
|
"Pa," said a little seven-year fellow. q
guess our man Ralph is a good Christian"
How 50, my boy?" queried the parent
"Why, pa read in the Bible that the wicked
shall not live out half their days; and Ralph
says he has lived out ever since he was boy"
My dear young lady, exclaimed a gentle
man, Il am astonishedatyour sentiments. You
actually make me start-upon my word YOU
do Wen, sir, replied the damsel, " I've
been wanting to start you for the last hour.
The little darling he didn't strike Mrs..
Smiths baby purpose, did he? twas mere
accident, wasn'tit, dear?" ''Yes, ma. to be sure
it was; and ifhe don't behave himself, III crack
it again"
There is a man in Colorado so thin that
when the Sheriff is after him he crawls into
his rifle and watches his adversary through the
touch hole.
y clergyman cousoling widow IN the death
of her husband remarked that she could not
find his equal. Il don't know about that" re-
marked the sobbiug fair one but III try
Why are young ladies kissing each other like
an emblem of Christianity? Because theyar,
doing unto each other as they would men dc
unto them.
A widow lady, sitting by cheerful fire in
meditatiye mood. shortly after her husband.
decease, sighed out: "Poor fcllow-how h,
did like good fire hope he has gone where
they keep good fires"
y down east editor says he has seen the con.
trivance our lawyers use when they "warm VI
with the subject He saysit is a glass concern
and holds about pint.
Thus says the Louisville Journal .slTany
who thj.k great deal of the maxim that .trutl
shouldn't be told at all times, can't be mad,
to understand that falsehood never should.
David Fender, popping the question, in q
letter, concluded thus: And should YOU sa,
yes, dear Mary, viii truly be your d. Ecu
der
\ young lady in San Antonio thinks ofgo-
ing % California to get married, for the reason
that She has been told that in that country the
men folks rock tho cradle" Herhead's right.
Josh Billings says: There is oulyore adj
vantage that l can see in going to thedevil and
that Is the road is easy, and you are sure to get
there.
Reader, did you ever enjoy the ecstatic bliss
Of courting' Ifyou d;dutthen get a little gal
an-try.
Why is kissing your sweetheart ike eating
soup with a fork p Because it takes a long
time to get enough 6f it.
Only one ass ever spoke like man; hundreds
and thousands Of men are daily talking like ass