The Van Buren press., 1866-02-17

Lilly WATERS.
Rt,- May not bird who sleeps upon the
wing be said to occupy feather bed?
Warm blood by the tumberful is given
to consumptives in France. The slaught-
er-houscS furnish an excellent article.
The following inscription is to be
seen over a soldiers grave in the Alexan-
dria military cemetery:
Unknown" is all thy spitaph can tell
If Jesus knew thee, all ia we'll
-Oftcntimes girl says "no" to an
offer when it is as plain as the nose on her
face that she means eyes The best
way to Judge whether she is in earnest or
not, is to look straight into her eyes, and
never mind her nose
"A parson once prefaced his sermon
with, My friends let us say few words
before we begin This is about equal to
the man who took a short nap before he
went to sleep.
-" IL is well to leave something for
those that come after u.s." as the fellow
said who threw barrel in the way of a
constable who was chasing him.
--"1 gave the fellow a shilling" said
Sir Walter Scott, on some occasion when
sixpcnce was the fee, and added, "emem-
her you owe me sxpence, Pat" "M May
your honor live till pay you.
"A German usher, who took per cent.
interest instead of 6, the legal rate, was
asked if he ever thought of what God
would say to his extortion "Oh, yes ;
but when God looks down from Heaven,
the 8 will look like u 6. o...f ...
1t was the custom of an old lady
who formerly entertained travellers, before
her guests commenced meal, to ask a
blessing, which she generally concluded in
this wise Make us truly thankful for
the food before us Nancy hand around
the corn bread first, then the biscuit after
wards, Amen
- Time works wonders as the lady
said when she got married after m eight
years courtship. a. .....~
"A lady who was very sick, was re-
emily cured by the use of the following
prescription: A new bonnet, a cashmere
hawl and anew pair gater boots.
Where do you live now . asked a
ady of her former maid. L don't live
ny where now I'm married. was the
eply. .t..a
A farmer going to get his grist ground
t mill, borrowed bag of one of his
eighbors. The poor man was knocked
nder the water-whcel, and the bag with
nm he was drowned When the mel
ncholy news was brought to his wife, she
reclaimed: My gracious, what a fuss
here'll be about that bag!N
--Jeanie, said Cameronian to his
,aughter, who was asking his permission
accompany her urgent suitor to the alter
-,leanie, it's a solemn thing to get mar
led. / know it father, replied the sensi.
lie damsel, but it's great deal solemner
,ot to-
An exchange has the following sonti-
lent embodied in the form of a conundrum !:
Why will the emblems of America outlive
hose of England, France, Ireland or Scot
and ? Because the Rose will fade, the
ally will droop, the Shamrock will with
r, and the Thistle will die, but the Stars
lre Eternal.
Babies resembles wheat in many re-
poets. Firstly, neither are good for much
i'll they arrive at maturity secondly, both
IRE bred in the house, and are also the flow
r of the family thirdly. both have to be
radled fourthly, both are generally we'll
hrashed before they are done with
Charles Lamb, when little boy
Walking with his sister in church-yard
md reading the epitaphs, said to her
Where are all the naughty people buried .
"A Democratic cotemporary urging the
Democracy not to be discouraged because
'ur party was swallowed up as Republic.
;ans express it, in the last election. says
Remember the whale swallowed JONAH
Jonah was heard of afterwards, the whale
lever.'
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