The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1866-02-22
Mr.. Nasty Enjoys a Vision Of the
#a >tl.}y-N Next World s@saanS s

CONrFDRTT x ROADS lwich Is fntNeSfnit Ny
..rst gar uy Kentucky, February 8, 1860. :
\ Last mite I retired to my virtoous
couch at precisely half-past eleven, after
catin a rather light supper, for that time
Nv night. alluz make ii pint to eat
light in the evenin, for I'm gittin old
and my digestive faculties amt what
they was when wuz young. Alas! We
who hev lived out the best part uv our
days, wat wood we give to be set back to
tie time when, with our faculties unim-
paired, we Good consoom good square
meal without fear NV consekenscs. But
Them happy days is fled
And never Will Gturn." F.
I paid my respccks to mince pics, q
pair Nv pigs feet, some cold tongue anda
plate NV tripc, follered by a'half dozen
dough nuts and couple or more NV
glasses NV hot whisky punch, and singler
ez it may seem it didn't set well.
dreamed at night, and my dreams wuzn't
at all pleasant. Methawt he'd deceost
and wuz in the next world. 1t was a
singlcr site that met my vision. The
divided line atween this world and the
next WIZ a swift stream NV water, and
every deceest spirit he'd to cross 1t. The
water was suthin likt that Nv tho Dead
Sea. a man unencnmbered With any
thing Good walk on it, but they sunk
down in it if they WIZ loaded, accordin
to what they he'd to carry. On the 10th
cr side NV this Jordan wuz hcavcn-tl,c
dominions NV his majesty Satan the 1st
wuz below, and to tia strong under cur
rent flowed, which took all them ez wuz
too heavy loaded to keep their chins
above water. 5'''., 4s.4.i 3'A :"
On the bank stood more than two mill
ions Nv little devils, who flung onto the
shoulders NV them trying to.cross, their
f:,iiins, and weaknesses, and iniqnities
Breckenridge wuz the first that saw
enter tho flood. He he'd on life pre-
server labelled States Rights, but pecit
little devil stuck Il pin into it, and ii col
lapscd, the gas with wich it wuz filed
smellin horribly. Down he went, and
eZ he sunk thoy commenced peltin him
with packages labelled Treason, ,"''Pcr-
jury" and Murder" and John {. went
under. .,.0 .-.
Old james Buckanon went next. The
old gentleman didn't keep above water
as long ez a able bodied man could hold
Il bar NV red hot iron in his hand. Ic
made one splash, when Il weight labeled
Treason" struck him and down he
went The gentlcmanly and urbanc
devil who had him in charge, had big
pile more Nv ammunition to discharge at
him, bat that one wuZ sufficient.
Nailandigham come next. ! wuz sur
prised to sec no one make a motion at
him, but he sunk all the same. owe
never waste annunition,p sed Satan to
me; she carries enough natural cussed-
ness about him all the time to sink him,
without putin anything onto him that
he did ten days ago"
Frank Pierce made his appearance,
but declined'to enter. He wuz immcdi-
ately seezcd and on each leg wuz tied a
weight labelled Kansas and thew
flung him in. He went down like ii
shot, and that's the last | seed Nv him.
Garret Davis went in and to my sur
prise passed over safely. Nothing wuz
flung at him, for which asked the rea-
son.
Why said Satan, 'the poor old man
isn't accountable. He Commenced to
talk many years ago and keeps on talk
IN because he really don't know when
to stop. | could hey sunk him, but tie
fact is wooden't t endoor what the SENT
NV the Yconited States hez he'd to for the
past few years, for dozen of Tomb's
lawyers. Besides this Pm gettin more
from Kentucky now than I'm really en-
titled too. I've a mortgage on two-thirGs
NV that State" S-.=sa=s
Fernanly and Ben Wood come up
rather bold and entered the flood ez tho
they were sure Of goin through all right.
! With inimitable chuckle Satan no.
toned away the inexperienced devils
and said, .leave en- toslne," and at Ben
lie hurled a package Nv the New Yoik
News, which swashed him down instant.
cr. jest ez Fernandy wuz beginnin to
reach the other shore he flung onto hin,
an assortment Nv weights labelled "I,ot.
teries," Riots which took him dow,
to the arlnpits, and finished by tumblil
onto him a mass onto wich wuz written
"Mayoraltyp and down he went, a,
which His Majesty drew. sigh Nv relief
Seem the style Nv men who sunk.
| remarked unto him. xa