The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-11-08
FACETIE.

IT is q curious fact that the more
cheek q man has the less he bushes.
WHY is life the riddle of riddles Be-
cause we must give it up.
"HAvE you read my last speechr
said member of Congress to a friend,
al hope so, was the reply.
A PHILOSOPHER says that "a man
without money is poor, bur a man with
nothing but money is still poorer.
An old bachelor-blast his impudence
says that the talk of women is gener-
ally about men. He is mistaken-it Is
dry goods.
AN exchange paper says Governor An
drew's Washington Territory girls are to
be sold by liquid measure-so much per
gal, like other 'lasses.
IL ladies appreciated the beauty OF
their feet, as their necks, shoulders, etc.
they would probably go to balls bare
footed.
Taking them one with another, be-
lieve nv congregation to be the most
exemplary observers of the religious or
dinances; for the poor keep all tine
fasts, and the rich keep all the feasts.-
Sidney Smith.
"vEGITABLE pillsw exclaimed an old
lady, "Don't talk to me of such stun
The best Vegetable pill ever made is an
annie dumping. For destroying a
knawing of the stomach there is moth
ing like it,"
A PRETTY girl says: off our Maker
Thought it wrong for Adam to live SIN
gle when there is woman upon earth
how criminally guilty are old bache'
lors. with the world full of pretty
girls.
"Six feet in his bootsw exclaimed
Mrs. Parington. "What will the I'M
portapce of this world come to, won
der! Why, they might as well tell me
that he had six heads in his hat"
A REToRr-A gentleman one evening
said to ~ lady, near whom he was seat,
ed, "Why is woman unlike mirror !
She ''gave it up" Because" said the
rude fellow, ga mirror reflects without
speaking; a woman speaks without re-
flecting." every good,' said she. "Now
answer me. ''Why is n man unlike
mirror II cannot tell you." BE
cause the mirror is polished, and thu
man is not"
THE tendency of the people to carry
quotations too far, was illustrated in
New Haven prayer meeting the Other
day by brother who exclaimed Ill an
agony of piety-"0 Lord have mercy
upon us poor miserable sinners, of which
am the chief among ten thousand, and
one altogether lovely"
"Ir Won over marry" said Roman
consul to his son, "let it be woman
who has sense enough to superintend
tho setting of meal of victuals, taste
enough to wash herself, pride enough
enough y. before breakfast, and sense
potbino IN say. w. Tongue when she has
THERE is an elderly female in Win
chester who has talked herself away
There remains not vestige of her a
this time except the tip end of he
tongue and the faint echo of her gossip
What is remarkable, the tip continues
to wag.
THE Paris Charivari represents ;
Prussian general sitting on marble
bench in the public garden smoking ;
cigar. A pretty little girl whom he has
been noticing says to him:
General, my papa likes you very
much"
What is your papa's business, my
DEAR"
"He makes wooden legs"
A TRAVELLER in q steamboat, not par.
ticuiarly celebrated for its celebrity, in
quired of a gentleman who stood next
him, what the boat was called, upon
wi,,eh tho latter replisd;
think. sir, 1t is called the Reguia'
tor, for observe all the other boats SO
by it,"
II come for the saw sir"
what sauser"
"Why, the saw, sir, that you bar
rowed."
II borrowed no saucer"
"Sure you did, sir !; you narrowed 9
saw, sir"
81 never saw your saucer"
"But you did; there's the saw now
sir"
ooh, You want the saw, why didn'
yon say so.'
Two drunken fellows were walking
in the rain. The one then asked:
"Dick (hic) does er rain (hic)"
'In course it rains" said Dick.
The answer was satisfactory, an(
they proceeded several rods further
when the question was again PROFOUND
ed by the anxious searcher under diff
culties.
"Dick, say D (hic) tell Inc, does e1
rain :"
"Johnny," said Dick solemnly, "Tn
afraid yer drunk; in course its raining
In very few minutes Johnny was
again troubled with doubts, and sought
to solve them.
"Dick, seems-er-me (hic) ser going
(hic) er-rain (hic")
Dick exasperatea-"Johnny, yer foo,
Don't yer see it's rainingi Can't vel
feel it rainin, johnny
Johnny-"Scuse ne ID (hic.) 1 amt
much 'quainted in this town (hic.")