Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1866-11-20
Nasty.
The Rev Petroleum " Nasty Dreams a
Dream-A. Jo's on King.
From the Toledo Blaze,
Posi- OIFls, COSFI DIRT X ROADS
(Which is in the Stait If Kcutuckv1

J
Dreams is only vouchsafed to per,
sons Nv imaginative and speritooal
nacher, Nv whom | am which. There
amt anything gross or sensual about
me that | know Nv. Troo | eat pork.
but that is to offset the effex NV
whisky, witch, eff twasn't counteract-
cd, wood make me entirely too ethe-
rial for this grovclin world. | eat
pork to restrain my exuberant mag
inashun and enable me TO come down
to the dry detail ny ofish'l life-to
tit me for the proper discharge nv
my dooties ez Postmaster. Whis-
ky lifts me above my posishun-
pork brings me back agin. It's fat
and greasy like the pay and perquisites
nv the Postmaster-it comes from
the most nasty, senselcss and unclean
Nv animals, like our commishuns-in
short recommend all NV Johnson's
Postmasters to eat pork. It's Their
material diet.
Last mite | partook nv a pound or
so too much, and eZ q conscience
didn't sleep well. While | wuz eat
in, (moistnin my lips with Louisville
consolation, the while, | wuz a mu-
sin onto Stewards question whether
they wood hey Johnson President
or King, and while musin | fell in2
Nhe arms Of Mortus. My mind bust
loose from the body and sorcd Ez
/ sunk to slumber the narrow room
witch is at wunst my offs and dormi-
lGry, Tidened and enlarged, the hum
BILE chairs become suddenly uphol-
stored in gorgus style, taller the dip
became multiplied into thousands Nv
Gorgeous chandeliers, the portraits NV
His Highness the President, and 9th
er Democrats on the wall, became
alive. comprchended the situation
to wunst. AndroO Johnson had cut
the Gorjan knot with sumboddy's
sword, and he'd carried out his Poll
ey to its material conclusion. He
wuz King and wuz reignin under the
title NV Androo the |, and | wuz Gin
my dream Nv course) in his kingly
halls.
1t wuz, methawt, a reception mite.
His high mightincss wuz sittin on
to a elevated throne covered with
red velvet and studded with dla-
monds, and pearls, and onyXis and
other precious stones-OntO his head
wuz crown, and he wuz enveloped
into robe Nv black velvet, his nose
and the balance nv his face cleaning
out flash NV litenin from thunder
cloud. Lynn PROSTATE at the foot nv
the throne, dom the offs NV a foo
stool, wuz Charles Sumner, wunst
senator, witch wuz typikle nv the
complete triumph we he'd won over
our enemies, while doing other meni-
al offices about the halls wuz Wade,
Wilson, Fessenden, Sherman and 9th
ers who he'd opposed the change from
a republic to a kingdom. They wuz
clothed in a approprit costoom, knee
breeehes and sich, and presented 4
pekoolycrly imposin appearance.
Carriages containing the nobility
began to arrive and cz they entered,
the grand high lord chamberlin Nv
the pals, the Marks Won Randall
announced en-. Dock de Davis :"
wuz calculated, and Jeifson entered.
" Earl Won Toombs," Sir Joseph
T.. Johnston" Marks dc Boure-
garg," " Count de Pollard and so
forth.
Noticin that the titles / he'd hoerd
wuz mostly tackled to Southern men,
/ asked Giddy Welles, who wuz
standin by, why it WIZ thus, and he
sed that Northners wuzn't RELY fit
for IT, We wuz, lie said, n low grov-
lin race and coodent adapt ourselves
to the habits of nobility The South
was shiverus and Good do it. They
WV given to tournaments and SIGH
they he'd got accustomed to cirkus
clothes and Good wear 4 sword with
out its gettin awlIwardly between
the legs. Northern men, sich ez
were faithful, wuz allowed to barsk
in the smiles Nv royalty, but it wuz
in sich positions ca sootcd their ca
pacity lie, for instance, he'd charge
nv the royal poultry yard, a position
witch he blceved he filled to the entire
satisfaction nv his beloved and royal
master. lie he'd now -four hens q
settin, each on four eggs, and he
hoped in the course " two years, ei
there wuz no adverse circumstances,
to hev fresh eggs for the royal table
1t wus a position NV great response
bilitv. and one witch weighed upon
him. Seward wuz privy counselor
Doolittle wuz steward nv the house
hold, and TAurlow Weed wuz keeper
NV the kings revenue, and wuz 4 doir
well indeed.
BY this time the company assem-
bled. His highness was in 4 merry
mood and unbended hisselt. Therl
wuz q knot of the nobility gathered
in a corner and after earnest in
tcrview of a minute, Count Var
Cowan advanced TO the foot OF th(
throne. and on Bonded knee demand
ed boon.
What, my faithful servitor dost
thou most desire +" sed bis Highness
awe wood, Your Majesty, hey th'
prisoners of state brot in to thy pres
ence, that we may make merry over
EN-"
1" 1t shall be done" said his Males
tv. and forthwith Baron Won Steed
man who had command NV the