The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1866-12-31
WARRINGTON.
Our, ChrIStmRS-..PrOSIden CandI.
dAteS..SPcnIGCr COITRx..Fem0IeT Urea
Hury .IschInd tho Scencs..-
The AugCRn Stables. Facts.

nolhlIy on tho duties OF the hour
But an anniversary so thoroughly cos
mopolitnn, and to the peculiar and con-
VCntionnl pleasures OF which the whole
civilized world has been welded for
centuries as tennciOusly MS II poet to II
fresh and fHvorite dream, cannot be
passed over without tho simple tribute
OF brief paragraph.
y Scottish songster hath sung:
cap on more wood the wind blows chill:
But let II whistle RS II Will,
Wen keep our Christmas merry still"
And dOubtnOt millions of glad hearts,
in bodies seated around festive boards,
will prompt the Eleeful singing of that
joyous ballad, before the coming of the
"wcc sma' hours" which begins:
Happy are we tonight, boys!
Happy. happy aro wG!'
TO all those who peruse my OCCASION
al jottings by lies ieverish wayside,
let me say in tho IullneSS OF nv good
will to man. Merry Christmas
Washington has the proVcrbial repu-
tHtiOn, from time immGmoriNl, of never
failing to get on
\ BENDER
during the holidays. In saving Wash
ington in this connection, l do not refer
to "that good old man." q. Washing
ton, nor to any Of his lineal descend
ants, but to this motley village which
bears tho nnmo OF our country's pnter-
nal relative. l said on "bender."
Consult your Good Templar's glossary
for definition of this idiom. Eggnogg,
hot toddy, whisky cocktail, punch,
"rhomns-and-Jerem ." old rye, the
"clear Doodle" and last, but not least
the sparkling, glorious efIervescing
Champagne, which l would defy the
most stoical tee-totaler to pass, with
out laundering after "forty Drops" We
have a superabundnnco of jollity: then
prevailing headache; followed by
an abundance of stupidity. The
JUVENILE
division OF our grand army" are more
demonstrRtive in their cnjoymcnts of
the feStiVitieS-nt least more noisy; and
II they do not crack as many jokes ms
their sAger sires, they certainly lead us
in cracking fire crackers. To them the
resounding artillery lof exploding
blank cartridge and fire. crackcr) is AS
null OF Awe-lnSpiring music, as the deaf
ening explosion ofu hundred hundred
Founders would be to Grant or Far
raSut, or rs heavens artillery is to
Jove! So be it! future rulers of this
great world! Be happy, while you
may, for you know not what hidden
sorrow lies in wait for you in the dim
distance of life. BE happy, and sing
the song:
Well be Jolly and gay to day
Gay and happy-gay and festive,
we'lIb gay aud Jolly 10. day
Jumping from the contemplation of
scenes of mirth to more solid substance,
let me give you scintillation from the
brilliant orb of Washington.
POLITICAL GOSSIP.
Each New England and Middle State
has a ''probable" Republican candidate
for the next Presidency. The Buckeve
State has ut least Judge Chase, Ben.
Wade. and one or two more, if Madame
rumor is to be credited ms re-Iie-able,-
Proceeding westward-alonC with the
stellar ornament of Empire-we find n
second Presidential candidate looming
up in HOoSierdOm. The friends OF Gov
ernOr Morton have long kept him '.be-
fore the people" as standing candi-
date for that little office. II he should
recuperate lost health sufficiently, he
would not only stand probably II fair
chance for the nomination, but If
nominated, would run IA swift and
surely triumphal race against any
Comprehend in the land. But Indiana
has competitor for the honoTs of
the probabilities" in the person of
SPEAKER CoLFAX,
Of whom Mai. Ben. Perley Poore, cor
respondent OF the Boston Journal saws:
a quiet but well-orgauiZed movement
Is being made to bring out Mr.. ColfHX
rs candidate Tor President" in ls6S:
to which the Springfield Ull.) Journal
responds as follows:
We shall certainly be entirely sat
ished II statesman so capable and so
reliable as Mr.. ColfaX should be our
standard bearer in the next Presiden-
tial campaign"
One thing is patent. that no single
man has been named in that connection.
whether from North or South. Repub-
(F1nnaFHnul Tp.I
not in that high office make the bufToon
incumbent appear in an Increased ash
nine attitude, by contrast with II gem
tleInan.
We have considerable local excite
meut over rumor (Which got into the
city papers, that Secretary McCuIloch
Intended discharging all the
FEMALE CLERKS
in the Treasury department. Such n
catastrophe would be practical joke
on about five hundred Congressional
male friends of an equal mum Der of fe-
male clerks; and about two hundred
ylrtuous, deserving, meritorious, in
dustrious lady employees would, by
such wholesale and impolilic dis.
nissal, be thrown upon an uncharita-
bic world without employment. That
UOutdnt be jOke-tO them. | have
been "behind the scenes ut the Treas
ury department. People labor under
-prnbably not IL mistak en-idea that "A
newspaper correspondent knOlCS about
all there is worth knowing. Conun-
drum: why? Because his nose is pen
Grating always the hidden mysteries.
Out West, our nasal appendage is made
useful principally in detecting the
quality of whisky and tobacco,
and distinguishing the dinner hour
ia good substitute for chro-
nometcr. The elephant uses his
proboscis for many purposes
too numerous to MENTION" But here
a newspaper man must needs find more
fertile fields for the usefulness of that
| too Vften lin mid winter) blooming orna-
ment of his facial loneliness, even if it
be totget Mt the bottom of this intricate
female clerk question. And in doing
so, he runs afoul of Il foul state of facts
involving Congressman and their DrO-
tegcS, the female clerks, as well ms the
rest OF mankind. Two outside parties
enter materially into this whole female
clerk business; viz: male Congressman
and other males. 1.-The cohesive mower
of public plumber" was said to be. in
the jolly old days of "modern Democ-
racy," an element of strength stronger
Than bands of steel; and the laconism
can be moderniZed by modifying it TO
read, 'the cohesive power of female
plunder." What can you mean" you
ask. Let me explain. The Treasury
Department EMPLOYS nearly one thou
sand female women" Hundreds of
them are
a dream OF poetry that may not be
Written or tOld-exceedingly beautiful:
young lnsses with ruby lips, rosv
cheeks, jet black eyes and raven tresses,'
or azure orbs and golden curls.' Hun
dreds more are grass 'Widders'-n few
are relics of the fallen braves-OnLy a