Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1866-02-06
Bill Arp Returns to the Eternal City and
Meets His Friend Big John.
Edat,tr MetterpOhtate ReI.ord

Edatur Metterpohtue Rekord:
Mr.. EDITUR, SUR hav not up to this time
made any remarks in publik about the trials and
tribulations the losses and crosses, the buzzards
and dead bosses seen on our journey home to
the eternal city. [ shall not allood to it now,
only to remark that our comm back were not SO
hasty as our leavin. 1t was in the dead OWN
ter through snow and through sleet, over creeks
without bridges and bridges without floors,
through deserted and desolate land where no
rooster was left to crow, no pig to squeal, no
dog to bark where the ruins of happy homes
adorned the way, and ghosty chimneys stood up
like Sherman sentinels a guardin the ruins ne
had made. A little one hos consern contalnd
the highth of my worldly possessions, consstln
of my numerous and lovely wife and children,
and shuck basket full of some second class
vittels. Countin our offspring there was about
ten of us in and about and around that Waggln,
thus iustratin what the poet has sed, ''One
glorious hour of crowded life is worth an age
without name" though the glory were hard
to purseeve on sick okkashuns Mrs. Arp are
of the opinyoun that her posterity were. never
as hungry before in their life as on that distress
! in Journey and she once remarked that there
want nary rod of the road that dident hear some
of EN- hoerin for vittels. My wife husband
is tlaobled bekaus they amt broke Of it yit, and
it do seem that the poorer [ git the more de
yourin they bekum. all Of which will eend In
sumthin or other if sul.ethln don't happen.
We finally arrived within TIE preslnkts OF our
lovely home The doors creaked Welcome on
their hinges, the hoppin-bug cherruped on the
hearth, and the whistlin wind was singln the
same old tune around the bedroom corner. We
were about as happy as we had been miserable,
and when [ remarked that General Vandiver,
who okkupied our house, must be gentleman
for not burnin it, Mrs. Arp replied
Il wonder what he done with my soing ma
sheen.
''He dident cut down our shade trees said /.
"My buroes and carpets and crockery are all
gone" sed she.
1T may be possibul," sed I, ''that the Gen
"And my barrel of SOAP" sed she.
"It may be possibul, sed ], that the Cen
rul moved off our things to take keer Of EN- for
us. [ reckon wei git EN- all back after while "
"Atter acllile," said Mrs Arp like an ekko,
and ever since then when [ allood to our Nor
them brethren she only replies, latter aolile.
By and by the shattered wanderers begun to
drop in under the welcum shades of our sorrow
full City. 1t wer delightful enjoyment to greet
EN- home and listen to the history of their suf-
rings and misfortunes. Misery loves company,
comfort in talkin it over and fxin up as big
tale as any body. wer standing one day upon
the banks of the injun river, a wonderin in my
mind who would come next to gladden. our
hearts, when | saw the shadder Of an objek a
darknin the sun-lit bank It wer not load of
hay nor an elefant, but shore enuf it wer my
friend Big John, movin slowly but surely, to
the dug out landing on the opposite side Ills
big round face assoomd more latltood when he
saw me, and without waiting for remarks he
sung out in a voice some two slaves deeper than
the Southern Harmony
''There came to the beech poor exile of Erin"
''Make him tast" said 7, "and you'll ELL the
BILL" Prouder to see him than monkey show,
I padded the dug out over in double quick and
bid him welcum in the name of the eternal city
and it's humble inhabitants l soon got him
ahoat in the little canoo, and before was aware
of it the water was sloshing over her gunnels at
every wabble Lay down, my friend, sed L,
and he laid, which was all that saved us from
watry grave, and the naboorin farms from mum
dation When safely landed | found HIM
wedged in so tight that he couldent rise, SO L
relieved him by prize with the eend OF the
paddle. As his foot touched the sakred soil ne
gently separated his countenance and sung with
teelin melody,
Home agan-home again-from furrin shore,
The Yanks may cum and the devil too but III
not run any mere
Recollektin some skraps of blank verse my
self, | said with much absent, '"Iell me thou
swift of foot-thou modern Asahel-Oh tell me
where is thy chariot and steer? Where didst
thou go when | did see thee driving like Jehu
as we did flee for life.
'I'I tell you all sed he, II want my trends
to know it. I'm now a man Of war, Bill, and
I'm glad of it. I've done the state some servis
and she knows it, I've handled guns-yes,
guns-weepins of deth. I've slept on my arms
T Oh gto,, IL r RI
on my arms with hundreds of deadly weepins
all around me- All Bill Patriotism is big
thing. When you once breake the ice, great
slulces of glory as big as your arm will jest
spring up like mushrooms in your buzzum and
make you feel like THROWN yourself clean away
for your country. Let me set down and L Il tell
you all know Bill, but as the Teller said in the
theater, when you in your letters these I'M
lucky deeds relate, speek Of me as [ am-noth-
ing expatiate.nor set down hot in malice.
jest so, sed |, ''cxackty so. Proseed, my
hero"
'Well you see night after you passed me, my
steer got away. Hang the deseevin beast! I
hunted smartly for him the next morning, but
[ hunted more forrerds than backwards. Leav-
in my waggun with a wilder woman, [ took it
afoot across the country by settlement road
they called the ''cut off Devil of cut off it
was to me. I broke down in sight Of little
log cabin, and never moved foot further that
day. The old man had a chunk Of a nag that
workd in a slide. | persuaded him to hawl me
to the eend of the cut off, and know he done
it for fear I'd eat up his smoke-house. Every
now and then he'd look at the old oman, and
she ID look at the smoke-house and then look at
me. But that slidin bisness were the most Or
fullest travelin that | ever hav had. Every
time the pony'd look back he stop, and when
he'd start agin he Civ such jerk that my con-
tents were in danger. My holt broke on one
okkashun, gon down hill full of gullies. |
rolld some twenty feet into the edge of the
woods, and cotch up agin an old pine stump
that was full of yaller jakets. Three Of the
dingd things stung me before could rise, but
| got through the cut off and fell in with some
empty wagins that was stampedn my way.
'Gittin ON to Atlanty, a fool Irishman stopd
me right at the edge of the town and demanded
my papers. [ dident hav no papers. Nobody
had ever axd me for papers, but he wouldent
hear an argument AS Oualles would say, he