Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1866-10-18
TIE TELEGRAPH.
A Collection of Humorous Aftec-
d0fes

COtteCth8n Oh humorous AneCs
dotes.
a gentleman teegraphed to Philadelphia
for Wobster's, dictionary. His correspond
ent replied Why do you wish Websler's
unabridged, when Worcester is preferredP "
&c. The operator at the Harrisburg rail-
road Office received it: "Why do you wish
Webster on a bridget" &c.
Original" Betty Willastein died this
morning; funeral tomorrow.
Buled--" Betty Wallor will be down this
morning, furnish conveyance. I,
A gentleman at ST. Louis, wishing to in
tercept the steamer at Memphis on her way
down, tcegraphed as follows: ITO John
| Gillespie, Clerk of the Western World,
Memphis, &c Jack received it: ''Johh
Gilles, pie clerk, &c. 1t was delivered on
board but the captain asserted he had no
official in charge oi the pies; 50 message
went back: &c. Il. A. to John GILES, pie
clerk.
Here is one to show that not all the hu-
mors Of the telegraph arise from the tele-
graphers themselves: A gentleman sent the
following from Kingston N Y the eastern
terminus of the Delaware & Hud.on Canal
Comrany to Honesdale, Pa. /: ITO j. W.
B Honesdalo: Your herse died this NOR
ming after writing you letter. Sic.
The following dialogue was recently over
heard passing over a newly opened line:
Plug in the rural districts to operator at
head office (loq. -" Please don't bear so
hard on your key when send to me.
Operator, =" Why not?"
Plug. -" Because it tears the paper oD
my machine when it marks
, The recipient of the astounding scientific
reply hasn't ventured to work on that circuit
since.
In the summer of 1854 telegraphic order
was sent from Washington by Gen. McCul-
lum superintendent Of military railroads. to
Major Wenz. at Binghampton, n. Y, to
forward l50 railroad men to Washington at
once. The dispatch, when it reached its
destination, read " 500 men. Such a
demand was considered extraordinary, but
in those days Of military necessity" strange
things were always expected, and the mer
were soon collected and on their way South
wondering into what part of Dixie they
we're to clear way for Uncle Sans iror
: horses. But the surprise ofthe superinten
: dent was still greater when they arrived
and search was immediately instituted fo
. the operator who made the mistake. As /
cost about $l3, to transport the men t
Washington, and the expense OF keepint
4, them there was not less than So, 900 per day
s it seemed likely to prove serious affair to
. somebody. 1t was assertaned that the crro
e occurred in transmission between New Yorl
$ and Binghamton, but before the investiga
ton was concluded, an order came from Gen
:. eral Sherman, then at Dalton. Ga to sen,
n him I 900 railroad men Immediately, and s
l. the hlunder resulted in good to the Govern
IS ment, and the telegraph was saved fron
II censure.
A telegram was handed in at one of tn
Western New York Offices, for transmission
: not long ago, which read as follows: "Ow
u to the whether the Wig is split "
!, The writer was the captain of lax
J., steamer engaged for an excursion trip. an
d his message, on being carefully considered
G was found to mean. Owing to the weather
the voyage is spoiled.
J, Also, another dispatch, written by Ger
Il man, which read, 81 have re sufft puttger
g and gack, which we found should be, Z"
Q have received pictures and check. "
c An Office message was received by an op
G orator in Western New York, which read
e "The place is 1880, and from here, whcl
" was in reply to the question as to the dis
) tance from an Office to small town not o.
IS the line 1t should have read, 1.-The plac
p is twelve miles from here.
d Another operator received the folewn
r dispatch last winter: |" Don't send oyster
e till turkey " Which should have rea
= Tuesday instead of turkey.
q About two years ago, might owl re
d coived the signature of a California messag
e which he was repeating, as 1.-The ordor Q
IS roses The next morning we found hi
: copy and had the message repeated, givin
Z the signature Theodore Rose.
= A gentleman from one OF tho small town
J. in Michigan, telegraphed to his home from
# Detroit, in which latter place he had
suit in court The Dispatch as delivered t
It the party addressed, read: "The case vii
h be tried tomorrow. Subpoena witnesses an'
e compel Allen to dance. i" Not being under
II stood, it was repeated, and the small ofiic
n delivered it 1.-The case will be tried to.mol
Il row. Subpoena witnesses, aud compel al
II tendance. "