Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-04-05

house with good lawyer to back him. The
motto in this case is never to arbytrate
nothin' but bad case, and take good law
yer's advice and pay him for it before you do
that
But ] got Fretman-I didn't, but my law
yer Marks did. Fretman was skool teach
er, who had gone round my naborhood with
his skool articles, and put down for Troup
and Calhoun to CO., and intended to send
seven or eight more if he proved himself
right | soon found that the little nulliier
wasent believin' in anything and on inquiry
/ found that Nutmeg was givin' powerful
long recesses, and was employin' his time
chiefly IN carryin' on with tolerable- sized
femail gal that was goin' to him. Troup
said he heard the gal squeel hisself one day,
and he knowed Fretman was squeezin' of
her. | dident mind our boys squeezin'
of the Yankey gals, but I'll be blamed if the
Yankeys shall be squeezin' of ours So l
got mud and took the children away At
the end of the term, Fretman sued me for
eighteen dollars, and hired cheap lawyer
to collect it.
Before this time, had learned some sense
about lawyer, so I hired good one, and
spread my pocket-book down before him and
WIZ Hill " tbhO Wutbt WOulu GdblSly Hill.
And he tux. Old Phil Davy was the Justice
Marks made the opening speech, to the
effect that every professional man ought to
be able to illustrate his trade, and he there
fore proposed to put Mr.. Fretman on the
stand and spell him. This motion was fout
hard, but it agreed with old Phil's notion of
"high justice ;" and s'sense of right" and
says he: &c Mr.. Fretman, you will have to
7spen."p Marks then swore him, that he would
give true evidence in this case, and that he
would spell every word in Daniel Webster's
spellin' book correctly, to the best.-of his
knowledge and belief, SO help him, So. l
saw that. he was tremblin' all over like q
cold wet dog
Says Marks, "Mr. FREEMAN, spell stis-
lex :" well, he spelt it, putting a phi, and a
tn, and gh, and zh, and l don't know
what all, and I thought he was gone up the
first pop, but Marks said it was right. He
then spelt him right straight along on all
sorts Of big words and little words, and long
words and short words, and afterwards, and
he knowed em all, till finally Marks says !:
sNow, sur, spell 'ompompynusuk.' Fret
man drawed long breath, and said it was
not in the book. Marks proved it was by an
old preacher who was sitting by, and old
Phil spoke up with power, and says: ''Mr<
Fretman, you must spell it,wsur.'' FREEMAN
was sweatin' like rundown FLY. He
took one pass at it, and failed
" You can come down, sur" said Marks,
you've lost your case" and shure enough,
old Phil gave verdict against him, like a
darn
Marks was whale in his way. And at
that same court he was about to nonsuit a
doctor because he didn't have his diplomy,
and the doctor begged the court for time to
go home after it. He rode several miles and
back as hard as he could lick it, and when
he handed it over to Marks very triumphant
ly, Marks says: Now, sur, you will take
the stand and translate this Latin into Eng
fish, so that the court may understand it."
Well, he. just caved, for he couldent do it.
He lost his case in two minets, for the old
squire said that doctor who couldn't read
his own diplomy, had no more right to prac-
tice than a magistrate who couldn't read the
license had to join two couple together.
This is a warnin' to all professional men to
understand their bizness, and the moral of
the case is, that man ought not to be
squeezin' the gals when anybody can see
him. But don't want it understood that
I'm agin it on proper occasions and in q
proper manner. There amt no squeezin'
necessary.
But must close this brief epistle
Yours truly, BILL ARP.