The Union flag. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1865-187?, 1866-06-15
THE CONVENTIONS.

THE CONVENTIONS
well, Il Is a matter Of fact, which We sup
pose everybody is known to, betwesa New
York and New Orleans, that on Monday Of
last week, the honest people Of Washington
county held a convention en- mdsse in this
place to define their status upop stealing, law
~iessness, &c. It was a novel as well as most
ludicrOus affair. AT first, wild and bolster
Gus as a storm-lashed ocean, then II subsi-
dence Of the tumultuous passions, and finally
calm and unruffed rs the mirrored surface
ola summer lake. The conventionists pledg-
ed their mutual honor, physical power, &c,
10 suppress roguery and all kinds Of depreda-
tions, and as an earnest Of their determine
ton, had an estimable and eloquent divine to
pray for the success Of their efforts and
sung an old familiar doIolcgy by way Of adj
journment. We suppose that all Of the citi-
zens Of Washington county, outside OF the
jail are now, If they have ever been other"
wise, thoroughly reconstructed upon the
principles Of moral honesty, and even our Jail
birds are doubtless penitent since that i'm
mortal convention. Now, if conventions can
can work such wonders, what can they not
do2 Absolutely nothing. So we hope we
will be pardoned for suggesting that At least
five conventions be he'd as sOou as possible.
First. From the appearance Of the wheat
crop at this stage of its growth, there will
not be more than half Of the usual yield, so
the conventionists should assemble together
and inquire into the causes of this failure,
and take such steps, il itcan be traced to hu-
man agencies, as will prevent the recurrence
OF similar calamity. They should appoint
a vigilance committee in each civil district,
TO see that their orders are observed, and in
case of violation reduce the offender to
twelve months penanee On corn dOdgers and
Bologna sausage.
Second. We propose a convention to be held
at every change Of the moon, for the pEr-
pose Of determining upon the character Of the
weather until the next change. The n%ecesqi-
~ Of n regular standard Of the atmospheric
state is too apparent to admit Of discussion.
They should appoint as their commissioner
10 confer with other " powers that be" in
regard to this matter, a gentleman Of this
community noted for his wonderful skin in
manufacturing bald-head ed hornets, humble
bees and other singing insects.
Thirdly. VI prOpOse q convention for the
purpose Of Kidding our society Of that dis
grace and incubus-the heartless deiesta-
BILE Bachelors, by compelling them to marry
alady of their own age, or emigrate to some
Shaker Elysium of celibacy. We viii not
suggest any thing in regard TO the old maids
out Of sympathy for their misfortune of end
ing :" no one to love, none TO %caress," &c.
Fourthly. We propose a convention for
the purpose OF expressing for the Fenian
cause and rendering to its Serv Ice our intel
ligent and courageous conservative friends
for leamsters, laekeys, camp-folloWerS, bum
merB, &c.
Nltuigs We piVpO5c Noh'Nhhip" ~
cure remuneratiye positions for that class in
our midst now unfortunately out Of employ
meat, who made 1t their business during the
war to patrol the country I" under the friend
ly garb Of night" IN search Of eowardly Lin
~colnites, reprimanding with tongue and lash
the ~impudent tory women who refused to
give Information Of skulkers and open their
warGrobes to military inspection, and
who when the AOrrid Yankees were march.
ing into East Tennessee esSsyed to oveIwhelm
with Defeat by boldly advancing upon the rear
Of their own army. Here Ia a broad field Of
operations for the eonventionlsts, and when
they have attained the objects enumerated,
hare many more to suggest Of equal inn
portaBss.