The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1866-08-09
Mark Twain at the sandwich I.Iands.

better liked it. Every step revealed new con-
trast-- disclosed something was unaccu stoned
to. In place of the grand mud .colored brown
stone fronts of San Francisco, | saw neat white
cottages, with green window-shutters; in place
of front yards like billiard tables with iron fen
ces around them, 1 saw those cottages surround
ed by ample yards, about like Portsmouth
Square, las to size, thickly clad with green
grass, and shaded by tall trees, through whose
dense 70 llage the could scarcely penetraie;
in place of the customary Internal geranium Ian
gushing in dust and general debility on tin>roof
ed rear additions or in bedroom windows, l saw
luxurious banks and thckets of flowers, fresh
as meadow after rain, and glowing with the
richest dyes; in place of the dingy horrors of the
"Willcws," and the painfully sharp pointed
ahrubbery of that funny caricature OF nature
which they call 'South Park, L saw huge-bod
led. wlde-spi eading trees, with strange names
and stranger appearance; trees that cast shad-
oy like thunder cloud, and were able to staDd
alone without being tied to green poles; in place
Iof those vile, tiresome, stupid, everlasting gold
fish, wiggling around in glass globes ann assu-
ming III shades and degrees of distortion through
the magnifying and diminishing qualities of
their trans parent prison houses saw Tom cats,
Mary Ann cats, long tailed cats, bob tail cas,
blind-cats, one-eyed cats, wali-eyed CATS cross.
eyed CATS gray cats, black cats, white cats, yell
low cats, striped cats, spotted cats, fame cats,
wild cats. singed cats, individual cats, groups Of
cats, patoons of cats, companies Of cats, regi-
meEte OF cats, armies of cats multitudes of cats,
millions of cats, and all of them sleek fat, lazy
and sound asleep; in place of roughs and row-
dies staring and Safeguarding on the corners, |
saw long haired, saddle>colored Sandwich Is
land maidens sitting on the ground in the shade
of corner houses, gazing indolently at whatever
or whoever happened along; instead of that
wretched cobble-stone pavement nuisance, 1
walked on firm foundation of coral, built up
from the bottom of the sea by the absurd but
perseverng insect ofthat name with light lay
err of lava and cynders everything the coral,
beched up out of athomless depths long ago
through The scared and blackened crater that
stands dead and cold and harmless yonder in the
distance now; instead of cramped and crowded
street cars, met drsky native women sweeping
I by, free wind, ON feet horses aod a-straddle
with gaudy riding sashes streaming like banners
behind them; instead OF the combined stenche.
of Sacramento street, Chinadom and Brannan
street slaughter-houses, 1 breathed the balmy
fragrance of jessamine, oleander and the Pride
of Indie; in place of hurry and hustle and noisy
q confusion of San Francisco l moved ia the
midst of a summer calm as tranquil as dawn in
the Garden of E0sn; in place of our familiar
skirting sand hills and the placid bay, saw on
the one side the framework of tall, precipitous
mountains close at hand clad in refreshing
green, and cleft by deep, cool, basm like val
leys-and in front the grand sweep of the ocean;
a brilliant, transparent green near the shore,
bound and bordered by long white line OF
foamy spray dashing against the reef, and fur
Their out the dead, blue water of the deep sea
aecked with white caps,' and in the far hori-
zon single, lonely sail
At this moment, this man Brown, who had no
better manners than 10 read over ones shoulder
I observes:
eyes, and hot. Oh, reckon not, (only 90 in
the shaded Go on now, and put it all down,
now that you've begun; just say. 'And more
santipedes, and cockroaches. and heas and liz
! ARDS, ana req ants, ana scorpions, ana spiders,
and mosquitoes, aud missionaries' --oh, blame
my cats if I'd live here two months, not if 1 was
High NJ uck- a-Muck or King Wawhoo, and
had harem full Of hyenasW [Wahine most
generally pronounced Wyheeny) seems TO ans
wer for wife, woman and female of questiona-
bic character, indifferently. never can get this
man Brown to understand tina, s'hyena" is not
the proper pronunciation. He DAYS sit amt any
odds; it decribes some of them any way."1
l remarked; "But, Mr.. Brown, these are tri-
fes >
''Trfes be-blowed! You get nipped by one
of those scorpions once, and see how you like it!
There was Mrs. Jones swabbipg her face with a
sponge; she felt something grab her cheek; she
dropped the sponge and out popped scorpion
an inch and half long Well she just got ur
and danced the Highland fling tor two hours
and haf-ard yell! Why, you could hnv,
heard her from Luwow to Hoolahoola, with tn,
, wind fan: ard for three days she soaked he
) cheek in brandy ard salt, and it swelled up a.
big as your two fists. And you want to know
what made me light out of bed so sudden las
night-ony 'santipede" nothing, only a saI
, tipede, with forty>two legs on side and ever,
foot not enough to burn hole through a raw
; hide DON'T you know that one of them thing
grabbed Miss Boon's foot when she was ridin,
one day? He was in in the stirrup, and JUS
clamped himself around her foot and sunk hi
fangs plum through her shoe and she just throw
l ed her whole soul into one war-whoop, and the
: tainted. Aud she didn't let out of bed Eor Sc
e that foot On the door three weeks. An
how did Captain Godfrey always get off so easy
, Why because be always carried bottle tull &
: scorpions and santipedes soaked in alcohol an,
+ whenever he got bit he bathed the place wit
r that devilish mixture, or took a drink out of
don't recollect which, And how did he hav
to do once, when he hadn't the bottle along? Fl
had to cut out with knife, and Fl II up the b oil
r with arnics, and prop his mouth open with til
: boot jack to keep from getting the lock.iaw. 0
r Fl II me Up about this lovely country! You ca
go on writing that slop about ba!my breezes an
fragrant flowers, and all that sort of truck, bu
u you are not going to leave out them santipede
II and things tor want of being reminded of t,yo
know"
\ said, mildly: ''But, Mr.. Brown, these al
: the mere-''
g an ere-your grandmother! They amt tn
d mere ANYTHING! What's the use of you tellin
y me they're the mere-mere-w whatever it wa
,e you was going 10 call it? You look at them ra
:. splotches all over nav facial over my arms
all over my body! Mosquito bites Don't tie
: me ABOUT hlere-mere tnlngs! gu can't get q
.. round them mosquito bites took and brushe
out my bar good night before last, and tucke
2 it in all around, and before morning was etel
= nally chawed up, anyhow. And the night be
IS io:e tas tened her up all right and got in be
and smoked that old strong pipe until l g
strangied and smothered and couldn't get GU
.. and then they swarmed in there and jamme
heir bills through ny shirt and sucked me
re dry as lite-preserver before got my breat
Il again. And how did that dead-fall work? W,
two days making it and sweated two buckle
d full of brine, and blame the mosquito ever wei
At under it, and sloshing around in my sleep
ketched my foot in it and got it fattened out
In that it wouldn't 90 into green turtle shell for
four inches across the back. Jim Ayres grindir
out seven double verses of poetry about Way
hoo! aad crying about leaving the blasted pla
I'd in the two last verses; and You soldering he
n abont-there you are: Now oac, what do y,
say? That yellow spider could stradde over
4 saucer just like nothing-and if 1 hadn't be,
a here to set that spistoon on him, he would ha,