The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-10-23
/. FACETIE.

as banks of deposit, but nos oil ISSUE.
IT ia said that doctors can mitigate
the pains of sickness; certainly good
many of them mako dyings very easy
thing. ~
THE man who lends an umbrella is
real philanthropist; he sacrifices him
self for his friends. ~
"fsS'r your bills awfulls steep y In
quired spendthrift Of his tailor;
:" You ought to know best, for 1t was
run up by you" was the reply. -
THAp STEVENS power Is said to be
waning. He tends downwards.-s But he
viii tend upwards when he gets bus
deserts. - "
Mr.. JAMES HoGG and Miss Ella Beans
were recently joined in wealock at
Nashville, Indiana. According to the
everlasting fitness Of things, TINS an
nouncement should appear IN the agfI-
cultural department. .
PRENTICE says: General Butler, car
ries on war as little boys sleep to keep
themselves warm-spoOn fashion" r.
IT was a very miserly old woman,
who. with her last breath, blew out an
inch of candle, saying as she did SO,
can see to die in the dark"
LADIES in Paris will wear Turkish
trowsers this winter, instead of-well,
unmentionables. 80
A T1psY loafer mistook q globe lamp
with letters on it for the queen Of night.
"Iil he blessed" said he, "if somebody
hain't stuck an advertisement on the
moon.'
ONE of our exchanges, in noticing
the presentation of silver cup to CO.
temporary, SAYS. "He needs no cup.
He can drink from any vessel that con-
tains liquor, whether the neck ola bot
tie, the mouth of q demijohn, the spile
of keg, or the bung of barrel.
DOUGLAS JERRoLp calls wOman's
arms "the serpents that wind about a
mans neck, killing his best resolutions
The "oldest inhabitant" says he don't
object to them kind of serpents.
A WESTERN paper strikes the names Of
two subscribers from its list because
thew were recently hung. The, publish
or saws he was compelled to be severe,
because he did not know their present
address.
"PApA,n said little boy to his father
the other day, when one fellow strikes
another, hain't he got right to strike
him backp
Certainly he has," replied the father,
"the law of self-defence sanctions IL.
"Well, I'll tell you what it ii" replied
the boy, the next time you box my ears,
Ill hit you devil of a crack on the
smeller."
ANYTHING to please the child" as
the nurse said when she let the baby
crawl out of the third story window. 3,
THE daughter of distinguished Off
cial in Paris invited young American
to ride in the Bots de Boulogne. A gen
tleman in a very plain equipage, recog-
nizing the coat of arms of the carriage,
4 bowed very gracefully. The young lady,
confused and indignant, turned TO her
companion and said: "Did you see that
impudent man bow to meT "Oh, yes"
was the reply, "that was the Emperor"
A GENTLEMAN, speaking of the happi-
ness of the married state before his
daughter, despairingly said:
"She who marries, does we'll; but she
who does not marry, does better"
"Well, then" said the young lady, 81
will do we'll; let those who choose do
better" 81.
Mr.. GREEN sued lady for breach of
promise. Her friends offered to settle
it for two hundred dollars. "What J"
cried Green, "two hundred dollars for
ruined hopes, o shattered mind, blast
ed life and bleeding heart! Two hum
dred dollars for all this! Never! never!
never, Make it three hundred and It is
bargain"
"PATRIcK. where's Bridget 2" Hin-
dade, she's fast asleep, ma'am. io"S'hg
at tho brood bnhiug.
THE Duchess of -, once beautiful
and replete with wit, was congratula-
ting herself on her youthful looks, and
pretending that she was born at least
| twenty wears later than she was, whom
her daughter, more beautiful than her
mother, endeavored to put a stop TO her
e1aggeratiOns, by crying aloud, "Oh,
mamma, do leave at least year between
our ages
A WRITER dwelling upon the ilppor-
lance of small things, says that he al
ways takes note even of a straw, es-
pccially if there happens to be sherry
cobler at one end of it."
| THE following rich scene is said TO
have lately occurred in neof the courts
of Justice in New Orleans, between the
| Judge and a Dutch witness all the way
from Rotterdam.
What's your native Ian
guager
Witness-I pc no native; Use Dutch
man. -:
Judge-what is your mother tonguei
Witness-Oh, father says she be all
tongue.
Judge lin an irritable tone)-What
language did You first learn what
language did you speak in the cradle.
Witness-I It'd not speak no language
in te cradle; only cried in Dutch.
ANOTHER war with Turkeys at hand
next Thanksgiving Day.
An omnibus horse suffers mulch from
wheel and wo.
HAYTI, the greatest anatomist of the
age, says he can distinguish in dark
room, by one stroke Of the scslpel, the
brain of the inebriste from that Of the
person who had lived soberly.
A CONSTABLE in Ohio lately testified
in Court as follows -" know nothing
Of her but what hear the neighbors
say and, In my opinion, what woman
says Of another is not worthy Of belief"
Fsrney en- the Maryland Elections.
The Philadelphia Press publishes
letter from Colonel Forney in reference
to the approaching elections in Mary
land, which creates great interest in
consequence of the conflict between the
Governor and the Police Commissioners
of Baltimore. The Commissioners con-
troll the registry lists, and il in charged