Democrat and sentinel. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1853-1866, 1866-03-29
EVERYBODY'S COLUMN.


temperance advocate. The compositor
made it to read drunkenness is jolly"
Both were right.
sGg- Sometimes society gets tired of q
man and hangs him. Sometimes man
gets tired of society and hangs himself.
Bad rule that don't work both ways.
eg- Josh Billings says he always advi-
ses short sermons, especially on a hot
Sunday. If a minister can't strike oil in
boring forty minutes, he has either got
poor gimblet, or else he is boring in the
wrong place.
An lrishman recently stopped at ho-
tel in Des Moines, Iowa, where pretty
high bills were charged. In the morning
the landlord made out the amount of dam
ages and presented it to Pat. After he
had glanced over it the latter looked the
landlord in the face and exclaimed:
''Ye put me in mind of snipe."
''Why? ?" asked the landlord.
''Because ye're very nigh all BILL
RATHER PoINTED.-Mr. Reese, the
we'll known street preacher, was accostcd
by q would be wag the other day, with
tne lOhOWlnS question:
EDo you believe what the Bible says
about the prodigal son and the fatted
calf?''
''Certainly L do
''Well, sir, can you tell me whether
the calf that wa. killed was male or
female 20
eyes, it was female
GLOW do Won know that ~
"Why, because" said Reese, looking
the chap in the face, 81 see the male is
still alive
QUITE CONCLUsIvE.-As story is told of
a clergyman who lived in Lowell, who
was once charged with having violently
dragged his wife from a revival meeting,
and compelled her to 60 home with him.
The clergyman let the story run ahead till
he had a fair opportunity to give it a
broadside. Upon being charged with
the offence, he replied as follows:
''In the first place, never attempted to
influence my wife in her views, nor her
choice of meeting. Secondly, my wife
has not attended any of the revival meet
ings In the third place, I have not atten-
ded any whatever. To conclude, neither
my wife nor myself have any inclination
to 60 to those meetings. Finally L never
had a wife,
TRYING TO HEAD HIM OFF-As soon
/ as it was known that President johnson
had vetoed the Freedmen's Bureau Bill,
Ben Wade introduced into the Senate
proposed amendment to the Constitution
to prevent any man from being reelected
TO the Presidency. That blow is aimed
right at Andrew johnson. The radicals
fearing the spontaneous voice of the people
would call him to preside for a second and
full term over the affairs of the nation
which he Is doing so much to save, are
taking this method to head him off We
calculate the people will have something to
say in regard to the adoption of any such
amendment. The radicals will find that
the days when they could safely ignore
the will of the people are numbered.
A DEEAM.-A few nights since a friend
of ours, while wrapped in the slumbcrs of
midnight, dreamed n dream," and ina
| glned he was on a pleasure excursion to
the internal regions. His sight was regal
ed with many scenes novel and strange
and undreamed Of in the philosophy OF
man. While IN the reception room of his
Majesty, the present little imp who acts as
usher announced ''Thad Stevens -
Satan trembled in his suIphurious boots.
and quickly uprising asked:
''What, that noisy fellow from Pennsyl-
vania ?"
''Iea!" responded the usher.
/ ''Send him back send him back ;"
cried Satan, ''therc is no place for him"
But responded the little devil, who
seemed to enjoy an event which promised
to knock the sand from under his Imoerial
chief, ''you must receive him, he can't 90
anywhere else"
Satan walked the floor with rapid strides
Tor few moments, when suddenly he
stopped and said. Il have it - he NAV
have few bushels of birthstone and a box
OF matches, and 60 off and start a little
Hell OF his own.-Natchee Courier.
HE story is told of a clerk of an Epo-
lish church who, finding it very dificnIt
/ TO pronounce the names of Shadracb.
Meschach and Abednego, which occur
three times in the third chapter of Daniel.
read them only once, and in the subse-
! quent verses referred to them as ..the
aforesaid gentlemen
/ SHOCKING HIMORRAIITY.-Uow offer
dc we hear Of people tjn,g at the point of
| death.