Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1866-05-18
VARIOUS ITEMS.


When was beef-steak the highest
When the COW jumped over the moon.
Which runs the faster, heat or cold {
Heat, because you can catch cold.
Why are persons born blind unfit
to be carpenters? Because they never
saw.
"A lady, on putting on her corsets,
is like man who drinks to drown his
grief, because in so-lacing herself she is
getting Tight
Why cannot deaf man be legally
convicted of crime? Because it is not
lawful to condemn man without hear
ing.
Dean Swift said, with much truth
=" 1t is useless for us to attempt to reason
a man out of a thing he has never been
reasoned into"
The first institution vouchsafed to
our race was the Sabbath; the next,
marriage. So, give your first thought
to Heaven, the next to your wife.
A Southern paper says: The
Yankee business of cheating negroes
seems to be rapidly approaching the
dignity Of one of tho fine arts"
Young gentlemen who would pros
per in love should WOO gently. 1t is
not fashionable for young ladies to take
ardent spirits,
do one thing at time-that's a
rule. When you have done slandering
your neighbor. begin and say your
prayers.
One Of our contemporaries, in an
obituary of young lady who lately
died, closed by saying, g She had an
amiable temper, and was uncommonly
fond of ice cream and other delicacies. ="
Josh Billings says he always advises
short sermons, especially on hot Sun
day. If minister cannot strike oil in
forty minutes, he has either got poor
gimlet, or else he is boring in the wrong
place.
"A criminal being once asked what
was the first step that led to his ruin,
answered: " Cheating a printer out of
two years subscription. When | had
done that, the devil took such grip on
me that could not shake him off.
"A publisher of newspaper out
West in his first issue of his journal. re-
turns thanks to those who loaned him
pecuniary means, and gratitude to
heaven, that there is no law in that State
enforcing imprisonment for debt.
Pride is as cruel beggar as want,
and great deal more saucy. When
you have bought one fine thing you must
buy ten more that your appearance NAV
be of piece. 1t is easier to suppress
the first desire than to satisfy all that
follows it.
Tho editor Of new paper in
Nebraska begins his Introductory article
with the following sentence (: The
object in view in the establishment of
this paper is the procuring of means
wherewith to buy bread and butter and
good clothes"
A New Jersey editor who classic
ally called in Prometheus to illustrate
one of his articles, was fearful that his
readers might not be familiar with the
history of the long-sufering captive, and
so proceeded to enlighten them by say
ing: Prometheus was a Roman who
was chained to rock for killing and
eating vulture, the vulture being con-
sldered among the Romans a sacred
bird. There's lore for youl
=" Luck" and Labor" both be-
gin with the same letter, but end with
very different results. Luck is ever
waiting for something to turn up :"
labor, with a keen eye and strong will,
bravely turns up something. Luck lies
in bed, and wishes that the postman
would bring him news Of legacy labor
turns out at six o'clock, and with busy
pen, orringing hammer, lays the founda
ton of a competence. Luck witness,
labor whistles; luck relies on chance
labor on character; luck slips down
ward to Indulgence labor strides upward
30 independence.