Cleveland daily leader. [volume] ([Cleveland, Ohio]) 1865-1873, 1866-02-14
Hnw To Keen Hotel.

Having travelled considerably in my
time, l have thought some brief sugges-
lions, short perhaps Of a perfect manual
on the subject, might be useful. Il
First, don't call it q tavern, or an inn,
or hotel even.
Call it a House, and name it after some
great capitalist, big Indian, or Saint
"Morton-Peto House" or the "Whoop-de-
Doodle House" or st. Bob-o-link House"
that sounds very well, and will take the
travellers ear.
Nothing is so vulgar as to court bag
mems and traders custom, as you will
seem to do by naming your establishment
"Merchants,' or 'City,'' or CONNER
DIAL"
These suggest a second-class affair at
Be sure and establish an immense bar
ber-shop on the ground floor.
1t causes a grateful ordor of the Balm
of a Thousand Flowers and Night Bloom-
ing Cereus to pervade the atmosphere,
and efIectually subdues and oYercomes
other and less agreeable smells, as for in
stance cockroaches and cookery.
If you can hire an Irishman cheap
enough let one man de nothing but swab
the marble hall with greasy water all the
day long, it conveys an idea of cleanli-
ness to the guests; at night, when few are
about, it is of little consequence.
I said "guests," and here is a point you
should by no means neglect.
Be careful in speaking of your lodgings
in printed notice and the like, to always
use that term.
1t is refined, and puts them on their
good behavior at once.
Procure a well-dressed clerk, with curly
black hair, if possible, to stand at the
desk, and by all means insist upon his
wearing diamonds.
Seedy visitors will take no liberties
with such a man.
When a traveller comes in he is not to
notice him for the space of five minutes at
least; it puts the obligation at once where
it belongs.
You take him in, not he you.
1t is an excellent device to have the
numbers of your chambers reversed from
the old plan /. e., let them begin to count
from the roof.
Thus when the guest sees the clerk put
"No. TO-" for instance, opposite his name
on the register, he departs satisfied, and is
too much exhausted and cowed by the
time he discovers its whereabouts to make
any complaint.
Instruct your clerk that it is not his bu-
siness to know anything about departing
trains and steamboats,.
Also, if your House happens to be in a
country town, to add 81 a day invariably
10 all New Workers. bills.
They will not think much of your house
otherwise.
When a guest has paid his bill, and is
about to depart, let the clerk ask him
cheerily, (Which way do you 60 Mr.. Rob-
inson 2"
Some persons are so easily imposed up
on, that the extraordinary fact offs highly
bedizened clerks knowing their names
two minutes after reading them on the
register, tickles them tremendously.
In regard to the dining-room, you can
not have too impudeht an Irishman as the
head waiter.
1t should be his duty when a guest en-
tiers the room, no matter how empty ii
may be, TO take him in convoy, and make
him walk the entire length of it before
assigning him a seat.
1t not only serves to impress the grand
eur of the apartment upon him, but In
variably d~isconcerts bashful men, so that
they devour their meals meekly, and make
no troublesome requests.
Ladies should be served in the same
way for exactly contrary reasons.
1t affords them a fine opportunity to dis
play their clothes, and puts them IN good
humor.
Let the sexes be kept religiously apart
while feeding, unless in the case Of hus-
band and wife.
Married men travelling alone will suffer
so much from the dearth of female society
that the next time they will probably
bring their wives.
1t will scarcely be necessary tc make
any suggestions in regard to extra charges
in the bill, as they will naturally occur TO
the feeblest of landlords.
You should always, however, charge for
a fire in winter, in every room that has
convenience for it, and if demonstrated
with, reply that it is a "rule of the house
and the guest might have read it.
This phrase you will find of immense
service on all sorts Of occasions.
Let all your employees be particular to
style the hotel omnibus a " coach" and a
gents wife his Gladly"
These little services cost nothing and
gild the surface of life immensely.
Procure the largest Chinese gong you
can find, to awaken your guests in the
morning, and call them to meals.
They will conclude that your house is a
stunning affair.
A negro will probably beat it more
thoroughly than a white man.
Also, on the counter in the Office, keep
an immense hammer-bell.
A judicious clerk will produce a very
humbling effect upon a modest guest by
striking it rapidly four or five times when
he is asking absurd questions.