Des Arc citizen., 1866-03-31
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

"A lady being called on for toast, give the following: My husband, may he never be tight, but, tight or straight, my husband"
 LIVING Wrrhour RErErcTIos. When a man passes day without reflection, he may we'll exclaim ut night, "I fear that have done something wrong.''' es4 faa 4.sf o,iys
 Wood, ashes and common salt, wet with water, will stop the crack of a stove and pre- vent the stove from smoking.
 Divorces are now called segregation A woman aggregates from her husband. Matri- mony we suppose is integration.
 Keep your eyes wide open before mar riage, half shut afterwards e1 RAA0@ -- A woman may be indifferent to courts, and courtiers, but not to courtship.
 ---A wag lent clergyman horse which ran away and threw him, and then claimed credit ors'ad in spreading the gospel.r ITO liI----Servants in England seem to have tur- ned the tables on their masters and mistresscs, | ----A grand ball is announced at Red Bluff, California, to raise funds to improve the graveyard
 1.-Two Cherokee Indians had 4 fight over 2 bottle of whiskcy, recently, at Sulphur Springs, Arkansas, which resulted in the death of both i a7sMf
 A little fouryear old pet stood looking out of the window when m cxpressmai stop ped just opposite, and tiedup the horse'stailto prevent it trailing in the mud. She watched the operation intently for moment, and then called out eagerly: "Oh see, Auntie; the l 'sprcssman Is making q waterfall for his horse" '"
 -f'You have lost your baby hear" said one gentleman to another. sYes, poor little thing! it was only five months old We did all we could for it. We had four doctors, blis- tered it's head and feet, put mustard poultices all over it, gave it nine calomel powders, lccched it's temples, had it bled, gave it all kinds of medicine, and yet after U weeks l illness it ded."eN sfl 1iId
 Shouldn't wonder! aa aa < ----Artemus Ward, in one of lis lectures, got in a blow upon Butler, as follows: "Sct- ting joking aside, he said that Brigham Young. the great Mormon Mogul, was really worth fifteen to twenty millions of dollars and that tho silver service with which his wives set his tables, including spoons, was worth more than that.of any man in America, excepting, per- haps, that of Benjamin F. Dutler.a Theluugh that came ill here was loud v M
 LOOKING FORWARD. Charlie w., n manly little fellow of five years. fell and cut his up per lip so badly that a surgeon had to be sum moned to sew up the wonnd. Hesat in his mothers lap during the operation, pale but very quiet, resolutely shutting back tears and moans. In her distress. the young mother could not refrain from saying: .sOh, Doctor, I fear it will leave a disfguring scar.n' ~
 Charley looked ap into her fearful face, and said in comforting tone, Never mind, mamma, my nsoustache wai cooer n.'
 The following letter was written by Q father to his son in college:
 .MY DEAR soN--I write to send you new socks which your mother has just knit by cut l ting down some of mine. -Four mother sends you ten dollars without my knowledge, and for fear you would not spend it wisely, kept back half, and only send you five. Your own mother and I are we'll. except that your sister has got the measles, which we think would spread among the other girls if Tom had not had them before, and he is the only ono loft. hope you will do honor to my teachings; if you do not, you are donkey, and your mother and myself are your affcctionate par l ents."
 WHAT IS A G.--Some asks "What is a darling?' and very prettily answers tho question---no one but father or mother could :. have written it a
 A darling is a dear little beaming girl who meets one on the doorstep who fings her arms around one's neck, and kisses one with her soul of love; who seizes ones hat who relieves one ofone's coat and hands the tea and toast so prettily; who places her elfn form at l the piano and warbles forth, unsolicited, such I delicious songs who seats herself at sone's footstool, and clasps her hands and asks all sorts of queer questions, with such bright eyes and flushing face and on whose light, glossy curls one places one's hand and breaths ssGod bless her, as the airy form departs. aA
 An told salt, !" who had been on a ben- der, had got what might be termed sublimely l mystifed by his frequent imbibings offhe critter" Stiyering along the street, he thought he would go to the theatre, and pass the re- mainder ofthe evening. Following some men he thought bound on the same voyage, he found himself in what he thought to be tho 4 pit. but il happened to be in a chapel, and the minister was preaching upon that textwherein is mentioned the sheep and the goats. and in order to make an impression upon his congre- gation he put the significant question: s'Who would wish to be a goat?' and paused, and then with still greater emphasis said: "who will ha a froatsn Ca,,r ,fi,,sv sailor conlda ot