Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1866-06-21
Live Wives and Dead Husbands.

Live Wives and Dead Husbands.
There's John reading his newspapers
You might drive nails through his temples
and be wouldn't know it. Look at him {!
Legs up, head thrown back. The iuevita-
BILE and omnipresent pipe in his mouth the
picture of absorbed enjoyment Three
papers he has there. He will read every
one, criss cross, cornerwise, upside down
and inside out, till he has cleaned every
particle of news. One good hour he has
been at it. Now, if I say to him, John,
what is the news this morning?' that man
will reply, sOh, none-nothing in particu-
lar; there they are, take 'em if you wish
Now, nobody in his senses believes that
John has been employed one good hour
reading nothing He is just too lazy to
tell what be has been reading, that is the
amount of it. Now I had much rather
read those papers than mend coats of his
1t is really too bad in John; be might have
given me something to think about while l
was doing it. An idea7 Suppose I try
this lazy system on himH Now, if there is
anything men like, when their wives come
home with budget af news, it is to have
them sit down and entertain them with it,
Not about troubles of servants and broken
crockery, of course but spicy little bits of
gossip, about their friend Jones' wife, and
what the witty Mrs. - said on such an
occasion, and how the pretty and saucy
Miss - said if she were Smiths wife,
she would -. Oh, don't they like to
hear all about it and don't they like to
question them as to how the women think
and feel on such and ruch subjects, which
information they can only obtain by their
wives turning States evidence. Of course
they do; and when bright little woman
has chattered to them an hour or more, and
told them more funny things than you could
count, and they've laughed at it, what re.
tnrn do they make? Why, they just
stretch their length upon the sofa and 60 to
sleep. Now, l tell you what for one
have borne this state of things long enough.
1t Is all owing to that vile, lethergic tobac.
co. Before long women will be expected
to cut up their victuals and feed them they
will be too lazy to eat Now I'll tell you
what mean to do. I am going to stop
giving out, and cut off supplies till get
something back will try the monosylla-
BILE system on John. He will say to. night
well, Mary, where have you been today,
and what have you seen p and I'll just an.
swer, bending over my work, 'Oh, went
round little and I didn't see anything in
particular Then John will take scrutin
izipg look at me, and ask if have the
head ache, and I shall answer sweetly, mo,
dear Then John will try again, 'Well,
Mary, did you 90 out shoppingT Il? no
oh, no dear. I didn't 90 shopping to-
dsy' Another look at me, and another pc.
riod of reflection. Have you heard any
bad news, Mary?' No, John, hope not
'Well-what the mischief makes you 30
silent? You generally have SO much to
tell me, and you sometimes get of very
bright thing, if you did but kDowi it. Some.
thing is the matter with you; what is it p
and John will come round and peep into
my face. ooh! pshaw-I know; you are
paying me off for not talking" be will say,
half vexed, half repentant.
Then I shall get up on chair, in the
middle of the room and hold forth. Yes,
John-that's just it. You haven't the
ghost of an idea how horrid stupid you've
grown. Don't I hate that lethargic tobac.
co! 1t is going to revolutionize society, let
me tell you. We women are squirrel-like
creatures and can't stand it. No wonder
all these awful trials fill the papers You
needn't laugh. I tell you it takes two to
make home bright. Don't you suppose,
you lazy thing, that a woman is as much
perplexed and worried and sick of the prac
tical at the end of the day, as man can be |?
Do you suppose she always feels like Civ
ing out the last remnant of her vitality to
amuse statue7 l tell you she wants a
response and she would have it, too, if a
mans soul and body were not so tobacco
stepped, that every sense and feeling is
merged in the one drowsy desire to let the
world and everything iu it, including it's
wives, 60 to the dogs. And they are going,
John. Now, lastly and finally, I tell you,
and all other Johns who may read this, that
it is the worst possible policy on your part,
as you'd see if you ever read the papers
with an eye to your own 6reside, which you
don't You can wonder how Smiths wife,
or how Jones wife could ever have done
thus and so; but it never enters your slow
heads to ask if the homes of these wives
were silent and cherries, and if their hus
bands took all their attempts to amuse them
as matters of course, and gave no echo back !;
and that being the case, whether the bright
sunbeams outside, might not glitter too
temptingly for their weariness" And
here shall jump down from the chair, and
looking at John, shall see-that be is fast
asleep. FANNY FERN.
s~ A fast young nobleman of Vienna,
over head and ears in debt, and famous for