The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-05-15
How my Appetite was Spoiled at
q Picnic. n
BY SOFT SOAP.


of two young hopefuls.
My wife is very jealous of my attention
to other ladies, especially young ladiesand
many times have | suffered for my gal
lantry to the fair sex.
The summer after our marriage, some
of my acquaintances got up party for
the Islands, and / got an invitation to at
tend with my wife. 1 knew that if I took
her along with me l should not enjoy
myself, SO just before the time appointed
l coaxed her to go on visit to her pa
rents.
The.day of the pic.nic arrived, and a
beautiful day it was. We started about
eight clock in the morning, and in two
or three hours arrived at our destina-
tion. q
Among the one hundred guests pres
ent, there were many pretty girls, to sew
eral Of whom | tried to play the amiable,
but l could hardly fud any one to whom
could act the gallant long. What had
| done to deserve all this: For the mo-
ment / could imagine the cause. 1t is
true, that when I arrived at the place OF
meeting in the morning alone, there were
a good many inquiries made in regard to
Mrs. Wages, but I silenced them all by
stating that she had gone on a visit to
her parents. -
Some busybodies had heard these re-
marks, and circulated them freely, SO
whenever I "made up to pretty dam
sci, it would not be long before such re-
marks as, ga married man trying to i'm
pose on US, and others were whispered
around.
There was one among the rest who ]
judged to be beautiful; to understand the
expression Judged, you must know that
she continually wore her veil down. She
had such beautiful feet and hands, that
fell rapturously in love with them, and
tried to kiss them Ghe hand mean) two
or three times, but she always managed
to elude me, without uttering a word
She was escorted by my friend, Johr
Pinkney, or as he was familiarly called
''Jack Pinkeye." I tried to get an in
production to the fair incognita, from
him, but all to no avail, he giving as al
excuse that she did not want to become
acquainted with rude shock headed fel
low like me. I, Mr.. Charles Fredericl
4 Wages, to be called that by an imperti
nent hussyl /, rude, shockheaded fel
low! I'd never suffer that to pass un
revenged. No sir ee not by a jugfuL-
But was to suffer something more ter
ribIe than that before the day had passed
After a great deal Of bowing ant
scraping, I at last got acquainted with
i young lady with golden hair, vulgarl,
called red or carrot, who accepted me,
suppose, for war t Of a better, although
acas married man.
| 1t was nearly time for dinner; the Ia
dies were spreading the table cloth OIL
the grass and depositing the eatable
i thereon. the sight of which made m,
i mouth water. | was conyersing sweet,
with my companion, seated under tree
my arms around ber slender waist, m,
4 eyes were ravaging the dainties on tn
cloths, and at last they rested on dis
of strawberries.
i Looking from them to my companion
/ 1 noticed she had very beautiful mouth
| just like large ripe berry, and as
could not get the berries just then,
thought there would be no harm in tast
ing the nectar Of my companions lips, S
, taking her lovingly around the neck,
: took smacking kiss, and that tastin
SO sweet, | was about to take another
when | felt hand taking good hold c
/ my hair, my head was forcibly incline
T toward my companion, who met me wit
/ a laundering knock that made me Sc
, stars from the end of my nose, from whic
4 the clsret began to flow freely. In th
meantime | heard the words william,
, "hussy." and others uttered in femal
: voice. Isprang to my feet, when VIII
should see before me but the incognit
i with the beautiful hands and feet.
b Eyes look, said she, as stared ,
4 her in open mou:hed astonishment, "lool
Y and ! shall show you something mol
astonishing still. Do you know me nowl
and with these words she took off her vel
Q Oh ye Gods and little fishes! Thel
n in her glorious fury stood my darlir
e CD wife, shaking with compressed ange
d "And this is the way you treat yo,
wife, is it?P said she, "and your lawful
welded wife, too, to go rould sportir
. and enjoying yourself with thing iii
! that ?" At this phase of the proceeding
I | took the ends of my coat-tails al
= crammed them in my ears.
:; Whenshe saw that she could do not
ing more with me. she turned on my i
;. nocent companion and gave her a lectu
g of no common sort. Then taking me
= = the collar of my coat, she led me like
) lamb to the slaughter toward the boa
: where she put me into a stateroom, al
,,fI kept watch over me until We arriv
: home again. ] might not have submits
e 9 to this, but had no desire to mine
again among the party, knowing that
!, would be ridiculed and laughed at T
i, end of the affair was, that my wife W
, indisposed for month, / had to- nur
her all the time, received half doz
10 Caudle lectures, and always took my vi
!. along to parties.
y And now my maiden lady and bach
= lor friends, breathe prayer for the ha
a piness &c. E. Wages, the married ma
whose appetite was signally spoiled at
pic.n