Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-10-25
FUN, FACTS AND FACETIE.

4 RECRUIT, who was going through the
sword exercises, after having learned the cuts,
asked how he had to parry the cuts OF the enemy.
The sergeant answered, "Never mind the parry
ing only you cut and let the other parry"
The New Haven Historical Society has
Benedict Arnold's account book, and the sign OF
the store in which he did business, before the Rev
oIutiOn. The inscription on 1t reads Z" Is. Arnold,
druggist bookseller, &c, from London: SjJ, t5t
iqua.
4 MAN exclaimed in tavern, "Tll bet
sovereign have got the hardest name in the COM
pany." Done" said one OF the company
''whats your name ?" ''Stone, cried the first
Hand me the money" said the other, my name
is Harder"
JONES, while lately engaged in splitting
wood, struck false blow, causing the stick to fly
up. 1t struck him ON the jaw and knocked ont
a front tooth. All" said Bill, meeting him
soon after, you have had dental operation per-
formed, l see Yes, replied the sufferer, ''ar-
idental,'
ONE evening the late Bishop Of London
was to have diRed where Sydney Smith was
guest. Just before dinner note arrived, saying
that he was unable to keep his engagement dog
having rushed out Of the crowd and bitten him
in the leg When this note was read aloud to the
company, Sydney Smiths comment was, g ]
should like to hear the dogs account OF the story
"OF what use are forms ~ exclaimed
petuunt legislator to DR.. franklin, ''yoU can not
deny that they are mere empty things, ''Well,
my friend, and so are barrels, but nevertheless,
they have their uses, quietly piled the doctor
Az attorney named Else, rather diminu-
tive in his stature and not particularly respectable
in his character, once met Jelyu. sir, said he,
g / hear you have called me pettifogging scoun-
drel Have you done so, sir:" Sir, replied
Jekyll, with Il look of contempt, - never SAID you
V-444 n -. tnTEr IV "A :
were little Else
A WORTHY man was told that he was
about to die said he was glad of it he was tired of
putting his shoes and stockings on and OF. And
this is about what life gets reduced to at about
seventy. -.
Smith Browns a regular wag, isn't he
He's fond of cracking his jokes:'
ROBINSON. Yes he cracks his jokes--that's the
| reason they re so bad"
A GENTLEMAN was complaining that It
cost him ten dollars every time he went to church
AS he only attended five times year and his pew
tax was fifty dollars per annum. ''Why don't you
go oftener.' asked religious broker, and re-
duee the ayerage:' That was poser.
An anti-hymenial punster says that the
! recriminations of married people resemble the
| sounds Of the waves on the seashore-belng the
murmurs OF the tied.
A HUNGRY friend said at BrummePs table,
after the beau had fallen in fortune, that nothing
was better than cold beef Il beg your pardon,
returned Brummel, "cold beef IS better than
nothing"
Mrs. JENKINS complained in the evening
that the turkey she had eaten at Thanksgiving did
not set well. Probably" said Jenkins "it was
not a hen turkey"
Ny first is what lies at the door; my sec
| ind If hirl v-bo Nv
can do without, and my whole is one of the United
| States. Mat-ri-mony
A VERMONT teacher asked his primary
class, what makes the sea salt. bright little ur-
chin replied: "Because it is full of Goldfish, sir. y
MovEABLE FEAsTs.-" Baked Taturs all
hotl"