Smyrna times., 1866-08-22
WHOLE NO. 62O

MEN ONE WOULD Much RATHER Not
MEET-Nlen who mix a salad better than any
other man.
Men who ask you to listen while they read
al99d something they have written themselves.
Men VINO tell stories that run one into an
other, 50 that you find it very difficult 70 get
away at the end of any Of them.
Wen who have quarrelled with all their rcla-
tiOns
Men who have been betrayed and abandon
eo IN the most heartless manner by all their
friends.
Men who have been persecutcd and swiudled
oy general conspiracy Of everybody.
Men no initiate popular actors.
Wen who are always asking, Don't you
think so ?'
Men who are always putting case.'
Men who agree with you too much
Men who ." feel impelled to join issue with
you there"
Men who are technically enthusiastic on the
subject of art, without having any practical
knowledge of it whatever.
Men VINO will go on drinking the best wine
you can set before them, and when asked how
tchey Ike 1t, reply, - Oh, pretty well but the
lacC Is you know its perfectly immateral to
me what | drink"
Men who have received testimonial.
Men who quote Shakespeare.
Men who quote Byron.
Men who quote Artcmus Ward.
Men who quote anybody.
| A MATTER OFF ACT TAR.-An English. ma.
per tells this story =" One day, when the En-
gllSh flagship OF the commodore was living in
the bay OF Naples, she was honored by visit
from the hIng and royal family, with suites,
who came out III gided barges and the full pa
radG OF royalty. The ship was dressed from
deck to truck IN holiday attire side boys were
| mustered at the ropes, the marines presented
arms, the guns Numbered forth a royal salute.
ana the commodore welcomed bis guests to the
quart deck with the pollteueS. beitting an
ohcer oi rank. One Of the suite, suindle-
shahEcd and gaudlly attlred Neap0IitAn, stray
e1 away from the party, and cruising about
nllusllpH' tNplcd wind sail, AL object,he had
never seen before. A. it was fully expanded
! by the arr he took 1t for pillar and, folding
ms arms, leaned against it, when it yi"ldedi to
MS weight, and he disappeared below, heels
over mead with velocity that was actually
marvellous, as was his escape from any injury.
he mlshap chanccd to have only one witness
L his Was veteran tar, who, approaching the
quarter deck and touching his hat, said respect
July, | beg pardon, commodore, but one of
them ere kings has fell down the hatchway."
AN EQUIvocAL COMPLIMENT is scr;n.
turally asserted that long hair is a gIorv to q
WOMAN Some look well with it short; but
as general thing, in the words Of contempo-
rary, when lady in short hair simperiDgly
requests our opinion OF her appearance we are
reminded OF all old deacon who had carroty-
haired clerk, that spent most of his time and
| all his attention in the cultivation of saffron
colored moustache, similar to the one Dickens
aScrIbed 70 Fascination Fedgeby,) and who ask
ed the old man how he liked it. The deacon
regarded hm attentiyely for some time, with
ANXIOUS sollcitude apparent in every feature of
hls benign countenance, aud impressivey. said
%IonIni' 70 hm' that If he lived long enough, was
slept well at night, had good luck and no null
backs, he would look like Satan in about six