Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1866-06-05
miscellaneous,


= The largest room in the world-the room
for improvement
Why is a quilt like a railroad? Be-
cause there are sleepers under it.
Why is the letter S like thunder? 1t
makes our cream sour cream.
Zone bumper at parting" as the man
said when he ran against post.
"A work-house is an instition, socalled,
because no work is dene in it.
"A husband can readily foot the bill of
wife who is not ashamed to be seen footing his
stockings.
In legal lingo Greenland may be called
L. S the place of the seal.
Don't take too much interest in the
affairs of your ncighbors. Six per cent. will
do.
A breeder of shanghais says, that one of
those fowls, when eating, takes one peck at a
time.
Why is man in reverie like good
joke? Because he's amusing.
EFF all the world were blind, what
melancholy sight it would be- said an Irish
: clergyman.
Swans sing before they die-'twere no
bad thing should some persons die before they
sing.
IF picture is well hung, does it follow
as matter ofcoursc that it is we'll executed?
Why was the Deluge like the French
Revolution? Because it was a rain of terror,
-Ofall men in the world, daguerreotypists
should be the most fond of children, for tlcy
universally find it very difficult to get along
without little sun.
-"Shall I cut the loin of mutton saddle
wise?' was the reply "cut it bride
wise, Tor then we may get bite IN our
mouths"
-"I have the best wife in the world"
said long suffering husband, "sho always
strikes me with the soft end Of the broom"
minister the dP sR& Tqa Ra are made BY
Sometimes there is long struggle between
them before this matter is finally settled.
Nearly all the post Offices in Texas are
IN charge OF females. It works so we'll that
the males now arrive and depart every hour in
the day. --O'- :"
1t has been asked when the rain falls,
does 1t ever get up again? OF course it does
How does hairdresser end his dovs7
He curles and dyes. And sculpture? lie
makes faces and busts.
"A German being required to give
receipt In full, after much mental effort,
produced the folio wing: ~ ish full. wants
no more monish' John Swachammer
"A young fellow once offered to kiss a
Qua5eress Friend, said she, s:thee must
not do it." cob! by Jove! but 7 mnst y
said the youth "WeH, as thee hast sworD
thee may do it; but thee must not make
practice Of it."
Steamboat rivalry on the Willamette
river, Oregon, has abolished fares altogether.
ne s'fi!e at last accounts was to see what
boat carried the most pretty women.
When has lady more water in her
system than when she has cataract on her
eyes, creek in her back, waterfall on her
PoH, and her shoes high-tied? When she
has notion in her head
There are two ways fbeiugrich; raise vour
revenue to the level of your desire or lower
your desire to the level of your revenue.
Chilly" said mother to her daughter. who
had seen but i've summers s'what should vo,,
do without your mother?' 81 should nut on
every day just such dress as 1 wanted"
was the prompt reply.
Keep out of debt. Pay as YOU 90
Buy nothing except the money is in your
pocket. Have no account current at the
grocers or butchers. Give your note or
hand to nobody. Eschew credit Paw for
your newspaper. Deal for cash only.
josh Billings says: 81 never could find
the meaning Of the word collide in Worces-
ter or Webster; but riding the other day on
the New York Central Railroad saw it all.
rs the attempt of two trains to pass each
other on single track. II i remember cor
rectly it was most miserable failure
"A Tenncsseean, in London, being asked
about the fertility of the Soil Of his state.
declared that they ''raised corn eDOuoh thcrn |
TO make whiskey for all the world. besides
what is wasted for bread; and that the pump
kins grew SO large it was customary to split
a full sized one in the middle and scoop out
either half for boat while the list!c ones
made admirable canoes"
"A Washington letter writer to Radical
paper tells droIl story of the President, by
which it would appear that the President was
being shaved, the other day, when the barber
accidentally tweakcd his nose a little too
hard. Pardon me, - said he, very naturally
Put your hand in my coat pocket and null
out one, replied the kindhearted Chief Mao
istrate, ''and I'll ill it cut for YOU when
you're DONE"
- What singular creatures girls are. Of |
fer one of them good wages to work for Won
and ten chances to one if the old woman can
spare one of her girls. But just propose
matrimony, and see if they don't jump at the
chance of working time for their Yctuals
and clothes.-Ee.
La Rochefoucauld never uttered no
truer sentiment than this: Bodily labor al
leViates the pains of the mind, and hence
4I,o H. 800.