The Vinton record. [volume] (M'arthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1866-1891, 1866-02-01

Aelth, my wife is absent, and am
Playing Bridget. Walk in." Of.
Mrs. Nudge sailed into the par
lT, which was darkened to exclude
the sun, and without stopping to
look at herTseat, sunk into the fry.
ihg.ran on the sofa. .In -,
"Jupiter!' cried Mr. Keith, "you
baNe done it, now." -.
Mrs. Nudge sprang up; the grease
dripping from the rich silk on the
carpet. Her face grew dark. She
was tempted to say something, cut
ting, but managed to control herself
bowed langhtily and swept out Of
the house, n, 'l ~ ,''
Keith returned to the kitchen a
little crestiallen, for Mrs. Nudge
was lady before whom he desired
to appear particularly well.
There was a tremendous crack
ing in the oven. lie thought Of
his pudding, and looked in. The
burnt rice had hoped all over the
oven; the basin had melted apart,
ahd,the pudding was hot done. He
shut the door upon the ruins in
disgust, and looked after his pota-
toes only to find them boiled to a
Jelly. yLI 1-!. ~ -.' .. ,.' Y
And just as he made the disco.
very there was a sharp peal at the
door Lell. F 7ai0HIH.0 y
"Creation! there's that abomin.
able bell again. | wish folks would
stay at home. Pll lock all the doors,
and cut all the bell wires, after to.
day. .- "n' Do .....'. r. .1s"1.
AT the door he found Mr.. and
Mrs. Fidget and there children, Np
"My dear Mr.. Keith how do you
do!'clied Mrs. FiGget 1--WE were
ia town, and thought wed'd Just
step into dinner. Where is Mrs.
Keith Z" '. - a. ~
,"She's gone away" said Keith,
raefully, wondering what he should
feed on;'"wallz in, do. / am the
housekeeper to-day ilr ii aoA1
ayes, so 1 should Judge. But of
course you make a splendid one.
| rememberyou used to be frequen.
tly telling Mrs. Keith and myself
how very easy housekeeping must
he. 1t must be mere play to you.
Don't put yourself out, l beg.n atr
"Put myself, indeed" cried Keith
retreating to the kitchen. "Good
gracious! what shall Il do? I'd
give a hundred dollars ifMary was
only here! Where shall l begin ?
He drew out the table and set it
without any cloth; then took off
the plates and put on a cloth, the
very one he had wiped the dishes
on. The task completed, he put on
some more potatoes and some more
steak burned the steak to cinder:
took off his potatoes when he did
his meat, and put all upon the table.
There was loaf of bakers bread
on the clp' lrd; he paraded that
and called his guests to dinner.
\ Nuizzical smile spread over
Mrs. Fidget's face at the sight of the
repast. Keith was in cold per-
spiration. L .g ...
"Ma, my plates all greasy, and
SOS my knife. ] can't eat on dirty
Dishes" cried little johnny Fidget.
"And my fork is wet all over
with water that's dropping of the
table-cloth; and my tater amt half
biled," cried little Jane Fidget.
A slight noise in the kitchen
drew the attention of Mr.. Keith.
"Jupiter?" cried he, "if Mrs.
O'Flaherty's dog amt making off
with my steakw . -
He jumped from the table and
started in hot pursuit. The dog
made the best of it; Keith's unac.
customed attire was q sad drawback,
and he made but little headway.
skill him. he yelled to the
crowd that joined in the pursuit
"I'll give fifteen dollars for his
hide
Mrs. O'Flaherty herself appear
ed on the scene with a skillet of
hot water. .,. ..... r..........
Tech him if yer dare . she cried.
'Pll break the bones of evry moth.
er's son of yees. Stand from form
inst, orye'll rue the day
Keith took Il step forward, step
ped on his skirt, and pitched head
first into wine celler, where half
a dozen men were playing cards.
"The devil in peticoats ? exclaim-
ed one gamester, and the place en-
ptied quicker than a wink.
The police picked up Mr.. Keith,
considerably bauised and carried