The day book. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 1857-1867, 1866-01-20
NUMBER IS.
The First Baby.

By the Rev. Mis- w. c. to C. E.
g., only daughter, &c. "No cards. We didn't
say no baby7 l have one of those interesting
animals at my house. 1t came when it rained
like the devil, dark as pitch, and my umbrella
! at the store, nc cars running. The doctor lived
five miles due west, and the nurse six miles
due east; and when | got home to the bosom
of my family the condense milkman was at
the door It's funny little chip, that baby /;
Solferino color, and the length of a Bologna
sausage. Cross? | guess not. I'm, UNI it
commenced chasing me down the pathway of
! life just when muslin, linen, and white flannel
were the highest they had been since Adam
built hen house for Mrs. Ewes chickens
| Doctors charge two dollars a squirt, four dol
lars grunt, and on account of the scarcity of
rain in the country; take what is left in a
mans pocket, on discount for cash, and send
bill for balance, January LIST. A queer little
thing is that baby; peck of a nose like a
rat; head as bald as a SQUASH and no place
to hitch waterfall a mouth just suited to
come the gum game and chew milk. Oh
crackee; you should hear her sing. | have
bumped it, stuffed my fur cap down its throat,
given it the smoothing irons to play with, but
that little red lump that look as if it couldn't
hold blood enough to keep mosquito from
! fainting persists in yelling like thunder 1t
shows great desire to swaller its fists, and
the other day they dropped down its throat
and all that prevented their going clean down
was the crook in its elbows 1t stopped its
music and l was happy for one and half
minutes It's pleasant thing to have q baby
in the house-ope of your belly ache kind
Think of the pleasures of father, in disha-
billie, trembling in the midnight hour, with
his warm feet upon square yard of cold oil
cloth, dropping paregoric in a teaspoon, by
moonlight, the nurse humping on the door,
wife of your bosom shouting hurry, and the
baby yelling till the frescoe drops from the cell
| ing It's nice time to think of dress coats,
pants, ties and white kids. Shades of de-
parted cocktails, what picture for an
article in plaster paris. Its mother says the
darling is troubled with wind on the stomach !;
it beats all the wind instruments you ever
heard of have to get up in the cold and
shiver, while the milk warns ; it uses the bot
tie. | have cradle with the representation
of a miraculous soothing syrup bottle on the
dashboard I tried to stop its breath the
other night, it was no go rocked it so hard
missed stays, and sent it slap clear across
the room, upsetting a jar of preserves. 1t
di Int make any noise then Oh, no, its
mother says only wait till it gets bleached,
tits been vaccinated,) and old enough to crawl
about and feed on pins. Yes, I am going to
wait Won't it be delightful John, run for
the doctor, sis has fell into the slop pail aud is
| choking with a potato skin sis has fell down
stairs sis has swallowed the tack hammer /;
shows signs of the. mumps, measles, Group,
whcoping cough, small pox, collie, dysentery,
CHOLERA infantum, or some other darn thing to
let the doctor take all the money laid by for
my winters corn beef, and all this comes of
my shampooning and curling my hair, wear
ing nice clothes and looking handsome, going
a counting and making my wife fall in love
and marry me.