Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-11-22
Love without Nonsense.
Not a BIT Like a Novel.

they called her M oil for short. She WASH t
tall, darkseyed maiden, with clear, trans
| parent skin, and lips like cherries and
cheeks suffused with bushes. She didn't
have glossy black hair, sweeping back in
wavy tresses from her queenly brow, and
her form wasn't a. bit like Hebe's. No,
there was none of these things-on the
! contrary, she was short and thin, aud had
red hair and freckles, and she also sported
/ snaggle teeth and wore pads, but still sne
was right nice girl and there YVES young
1 man who fell in love with her, and his
name was Bill, although his friends called
him William when they wanted to hurt his
feelings. for he didn't like it much. He
wasn't fine looking, and had neither curly
brown hair or a moustache. Not much
Bill had laid himself out on soap locks and
wore goatee that he had dyed twice a
week.
Now this Bill, he was in love with Mary,
but did he go and make deliberate ass of
himself Did he, [ say, 60 into grove
with her, and in the soft moonlight by the
streamlet that murmured sweetly by, and
and with the tender zepbyrs signing
through the foliage, fall down on his knees,
seize her jeweled hand breathe his deep
affection in the tender accents Of fond at
tachment, and swear ''by yon bright orb
above us, always TO be thine ~ Did he,
| say? You can just bet he didn't. You
can lay out your whole revenue safely on
that. William knew too much about the
price of pants to go Topping around Oh the
wet grass with his good clothes on besides,
he never cared anything about streanilejs
or any kind Of cold water, except to mix
with his gin. No, SIR it was exceedingly
strange, but this infatuated William met at
the alley gate, and he stood right up On his
old legs and Says, "Say, Mol, Old gal,
s'pose an we git hitched." ua iasag
But how did Mary behave 2 Did she go
to dropping asleep over on the hot bricks in
dead faint, or didshe hide her gentle head
on his shirt bosom to conceal her bushes
No, she didn't say, 81 am ever thine, my
own love, dear William" Oh, my, no.
She looked right in his yellow eye and says,
g I'm in, Billy I'm the gal for these sort
of things. Go in!'' And, instead of refer
ring him to her father, she only said,
"Won't the old man bust right out when
you tell him? Ha! ha - and she laughed.
But she didn't ask William tc try to mollify
her father. No, no. She very wickedly
advised him to s'poke the old man in the
nose if he gave him any of his lip She
was funny girl, this Mary.
Now, the old man wasn't wealthy, for he
sold soap-fat for a living, and so he didn't
think Bill was nosing around for his stamps,
SC Whan Bill asked him he neither ordered
HIN hercely away, nor did the deYy mois
ture gather in his eagle eye as he passed
the hemstitched up there and said, GO Bless
you, my children, bless you = Oh, 10,
nothing of the sort. He just blew his old
red nose on his bandanna and told Bill to
take her along, for he was glad to get rid
Of her, he was, and William would be the
same way mighty soon, for she was awful
rough on yictuals, and always broke plates
when she got mad.
So, you see, there really was no necessity
for William to come at m1dnight's solemn
hour, in a cab, and throw a rope ladder up
to her window, and whistle three times on
his fingers, and then go up, hand over hand,
and trlng her down in ore hand and her
trunk in the other, and band box and an
umbrella under each arm, and a whole lot of
bundles, and then get in the cab and fly to
some distant shore. That's the way it
would have been IN novel; but Bill said
he wasn'tt on that lay, so he just went out
in the yard and out Of pure joy he slung
the cat three or four times on the grape vine
arbor, and then went out and got his butch
er cart, and drove Mary right down to the
magistrate, to get the job done for quar-
ter, for he said he was some on the low
price, he was. ti52 afs5@ iIl
But the very queerest thing of all was,
that Bill had no tall, dark, ruffihnIy rival,
with scowling visage and black whiskers,
who few at him with drawn dagger and
q hove II i i
curse upon his lips, and cried wildly for
7" Revenge. Ha ha y and said s'Sdeath -
and "Villain. thou diest." Not any.
There was another fellow in love with Mol
lie, to be sure, but he was 8 weak eyed
young man, who had sandy hair and wore
spectacles ard choker collar, and always
looked scared when you hollered at him
So, when he saw that Bill had the best Of
the girls affection, he looked serene, and
said, go in, Billy, if you banker for her."
and as Billy was trife on the banker, he
sailed right in f@
So William, you see, had no trouble at oil
and you couldn't get up an agonizipg
novel about him if you tried. He didn't
have any urgent business that called him
to foreign land, and so had to bid her a
fond good-by,. and swear always to be true,
and then go away and forget her, and fall
In love with a dark-eyed Italian girl, pick
ing grapes in vineyard, with square
towel folded on her head, while his forgot
ten and forsaken Mary gradually faded and
pined away, and bafled the physicians |
skill, and grew paler, and at last, when the
June roses were in bloom, lying gently
down to die, while through the open window
fioated in the balmly odor of iessamine and |
honeysuckle. And William didn't come
home at last, and, filled with deathless re-
morse, go daily to the sweet cemetery and
strew flowers on her grave, and teach his |
children to lisp her name. Not at all. This |
is the way Mrs. E. D. T. N. Southworth |
would have done it, but she wasn't around! |
Billy was butcher who wore white shirt I
and shiny hat, and he stayed at home. |
and killed beef and sold it at big price, /
and she kept healthy, and wasn't much on /
the pine, or fade, while if any fellows got
to lurking around, William always went
right out and batted them in the eve. He
did
And then, at last, when all was over,
Mary didn't sit in the room while thew
dressed her in white, and mixed orange
blossoms IN her waterfall, and then go gent
~ down stairs with six bridesmaids at her
heels, and stand up with her own William,
and weep gently while she was being mar.
ried by the minister, and then get lots of
presents, and go to her new home, and live /
through all the happy years with Bill, and
never know sorrow or trouble any more. |
why of course she didn't, for it wasn't her
style, you see.
She just rushed up stairs, and put on her
pink muslin and her sun bonnet, and had I
nary bridesmaid, and went to the magis-
trate's, and never wept particle, and got