The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-24
NUMBER 81
HItM0ROUs ITEMS.


HUMOROUS ITEMS.
An auctioneer was selling library at
auction. He was not very we'll read in
books, but he>scanned the titles, trusted
to luck and went ahead. Here you have,
he said. + 'Bunyan's Pilgram' 5 Pfogress;how
much m I offered for i'll How much do
| hear for the Pilgrims Progress, by John
Bunyanl 'Tis FIRST rate book gentlemen,
with six superior illustrations; how much
do / hear? All about tae pilgrims, BY
John Bunyan! Tells where they como
from, an what they done arter they land
edI Here's picter of one Of EN- eoin'
about Plymouth pedlin' ssith a pack on his
backP
THE Girl IN THE riIrfSa SKIRT.
l saw her in thestreet car;
never saw her more,
She didn't seem to cale ouss
II sat on the floor;
Fo- with one look she lifted me-
My place sheoccupied;
Then spread her skirts Ger tive or three
More seats on either side.
Another look-T passed her fare
And passed her back the change;
She took it from my hand, swear,
As if had the mango.
She looked-"Just rirg that bell. sayiD
Could that look rsfusef
She calmly rose and picked her way
Among the boots and shoes.
watched till she the corner turned,
And then, with some chagrin,
Swore to myself, 'sMay be darned
If do that again"
A hard shell preacher wound up d
flaming sermon with this magnificent ef-
fusion:
"My brethren and sistern of o mans full
of religion you can't hurt him. There were
three african children; they put them
in fiery furnace, heated seven times hot
ter than itcould be het,and didn't sWinge
a hair on thir heads. And there was John
Evangler; they put him-where do you
think they put him2 They put him in .
caldron of bilin lie, and billed him all night,
and didn't faze his she'll. And then there
was Daniel; they put him into lions
demand what, my fellow travellers and
respected authorities, do you think he
was put into lions den for? For pray
in three times day. Don't be alarmed,
brethren and sistern; / don't think any
of you will ever get into lion'ssden.' !
The. following amusing incident occur
red at an Internal Revenue Office in Buff.
falo. well known barber, made
up his list, amounting to FIVE hundred
and thirty seven dollars. The clerk glanc-
ed at the footing and handed it back
saying.
"No tax on income below six hundred
dollars.
S., waited some time. until mo-
ticed by the clerk, who asked,
care you waiting for any thing?n
"My sixty-three dollars
"Your sixty three dollars2"
'Yes. My income was only five hun
dred and thirty-seven dollars, and l IN.
derstood the Government would make
ii up to me.
MY CosNEcrlcur.-In the light Of Hawley,
Barnum and Ferry:
The darkey's heel is on thy shore,
cut-Connecticut
Thad Stevens lash has made thee sore,
Connecticut Connecticut
Thou glorious land in days of yore,
What heart but must thy fate deplorel
Arise AMI be thyself once more,
Connecticut-Con
Hartford Times.
Must it not be very romantic to BIZ
on your knees before a lovely one oi
Loves lonely daughters, sheaying up !
torrent of sweet words between her glow.
ing, parted lips, raising roses ON hel
cheeks by the acre, bringing tears Of hu-
mid pleasure to her ewes, at the identical
moment when she is going to swoon ava,
in your arms, to hear her anxious mother
cry, TOu, Sally, hare you fed the pigs.
The friends of celebrated wit express
ed some surprise that at his age, ans
with his fondness Of the bottle, be should
have thought it necessary to marry. "a
wife was necessary, he said; "my &C
quaintances began to say that I dranl
toe much for single man.
A Thoughtful father was promenadinJ
a fashionable street with bright littl
boy by his side when the little fello,
cried out.
oh, pa, there goes an editorl'
Hush, Hushl' said the father. don
make sport Of the poor man-who know
what you may come to yet
To dream of milestone round YOU
neck is a sign of what you may expes
| if you get an extrayagant wife. Whe
a young lady dreams Of coffin, It betc
kens that she should instantly discontinu
lacing her stays tightly, and always 2
warmly and thickly shod in wet weather
To dream of FIRE is sign that
Iif you are wise-you will see that th
lights in your house are out before 20
lgo to bed. To dream that your nose
red at the tip, is an intimation til;
lyou had better leave off brandy and v,
ter. sG
i Go ON.-"Will you take this w
man to be your wife?s
! tsWaIl eo,,iro - mos ar :,