The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1866-09-13

purple and cloth of gold, nets Of pure Nile fax
studded with jewels, in fly time, silver shoes,
and bells Of silver and gold-whatever could
make the beast happy was given II; when he
bray ed, all the people fell fat and ate dirt as If
1t we're bread and butter; when he stuck ont his
fore feet and seemed to say, This is my policy,
all The tribes met in convention and applauded
his tirmness and resolution as little short OF
divine. Even when the brute in him manifested
itself-and there were some people shreWd
enough to see that, In spite OF his office, he
was brute, and a mean one. too-and when
he would kick out his mind feet at the very
people who had fed him, and clothed him, and
lifted him up from the low position IN which
he was born, to the high one he filled with
such ludicrous gravity-when, striking out,
right and left he killed here and manned
there--even then, the unkllled and the un-
manned cried "HosannaW and ate the dirt he
scattered, as if il we're more bread and butter
than ever. .....s
And th us things went on for long, long
WHILE and the ass became a tremendous power.
But at length one ass made blunder. Hitherto
no member fthe family had ever spoken a word.
They had made way by preserving a decorous
silence, and letting their long ears, their sage
faces, and their determination do the business
tor them. Whether this was in consequence of
q clear understanding on their part of what
would inevitably be the effect of an opposite
policy, as it is believed by the negroes to be on
the part OF the monkeys, who though perfectly
able 10 talk, preserve careful silence, lest men
should make them work, If once it were known
or whether the asses were dumb because they
really had nothing TO say, can never be deter
mined. Asses have written autobiographies and
histories, but we have searched them in vain
for resolution of this difficulty. For whatever
cause, however, this long silence was pre-
served, there came day when it was broken.
The learned are In doubt as to what ass first
spoke: but our Holy Scriptures, which have put
so many facts, not Eet-at-able in any other
record, down in black and white, have lett no
doubt on the subject possible. We are there
clearly informed that the great bunderer was
Balaam's ass. He opened his mouth and spoke.
And II was sad mistake, and proved the rum
OF his tribe. Since that day, as everybody
knows, the name of ass has been held in disre-
pute. TO call man "an ass" is an insult not
lightly to be borne. Even in the base and
craven North where, as is well known, there
are no gentlemen, person who has been
written down an ass is not content till he
has called the offender bad names in reply;
but, In the gallant and chlvalrous Southron
land, the abode of festive danes of high
degree, and cavaliers with blood OF the purest
Prussian blue-there, to call a man an ass is to
receive an Immediate and peremptory invita-
ton TO permit him to spill your blood through
bullet-hole. To such low ebb is fallen the
lofty honor Of q name that once commanded the
loyal homage of a universal human heart
And all for speech Yes, for while this long
cared brute, with his sober face, mis- sturdy
hOofs, and his portentous bray, was able to
make people believe he was Mt to preside over
them, to be their captain, and the captain of
their captains, to set up aud 70 pull down, to
Dluu anu 10 lOOEG-6 single SpeGc0-dnQ IL Is
to be remarked that whenever the ass speaks he
always says the same thing, so that all
his many speeches may go tor one-a single
speech has settled his business forever.
1t is nothing to the purpose now, that
he has risen from the lowest place to the
highest-his constant reiteratlon OF that fact
only makes people more ana more ashamed
when they hear II. 1t Is all in vain that they
try to excuse themselves for their lnatuation.
In vain do they plead that, the real King beng
dead-a King whose kinginess there was no
d1sputlng-this sly brute, by some hOcus-pocus.
managed to make them think he was the dead
Kings twin brother, and so cot the place he
diseraces. In VAIN do they cry to convince us
that, by an untoward accident, whisky of an
uncommon potency was mixed with his bran
instead OF honey. The disguised reader of these
speeches insists that if there be, as the old
proverO declares, "truth in wine,n there is no
less truth IN whisky, and that, however untor-
tunate these utterances may be, however
low, conceite0, however ruffianly they still
come out of the ass's own nature and
represent him with unerring truth. 1t seems
pity, at first blush, that the original ass should
ever have betrayed his race by The utterance Of
that untimeiy speech; but, after all, is it not
better that we should have some iniallibe way
OF knowing an ass when we meet him? And,
be sides, though what he says be disagreeable, as
God knows ii is, what he does Is of far more i'm
portance; and when an ass speaks to us; let us
remember that we have good authority for be-
lieving that "out OF the abundance OF the heart
the mouth speaketh," and take good heed that
in future we have our speech before, rather than
after, the election is made.