Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1866-02-07
WIT AND HUNiOR.

METHODIST mlneStcr who Was somewhat
celebrated for tying the matrimonial knot
at short notice. He stopped him, and
asked hurriedly,
Can you tie knot for me?''
Yes" said Brother B. 81 guess
so when do you want it done %
"Well, right away" was the reply us
it lawful. though, here in the highway ?"
"Oh. yes; this is as good place as
any-as safe as the church ITSELF
"Well, then, want knot tied in my
horses tail, to keep it out of the snow -
shouted the wicked wag, as he drove rap
idly away, fearing lest the minester in
his profound wrath should fall from
grace
CoNJUGAL AFFECTION wife of
small farmer in berdeenshire having
been long confined to bed before the time
when her last moment approached, the
husband, who was of very niggardly
disposition, at length grudged to let her
have so much as light by the side Of
her bed. Ore isht while in this condi-
tion, she exclaimed, "Oh, isna this an
unco thing, that puir body can get mar
LIGHT to see to die in!" The husband in.
stantly rose up, lighted candle and.
bringing it forward, hastily, to the bot
tom of the bed said, There, die now I"
No ExPEoTATIoN.-"John." said a
traveller to a farmers boy, who was hoe.
ing in the field, your corn is very
small" "Yes, we planted small kind
But it looks dwar6sh and yellow" Yes
YES we planted the yellow sort" IL
mean, you will not have half crop--do
you understand me?" Oh, yes, under
stand; we don't expect to, for we plan
ted on the shares"
A LoAN.-A comedian lent brother ac.
tor two shillings, and when he made
demand for the sum, the debtor turned
peevishly from him, and said, Hang it!
I'll pay you to day in some shape or orh-
er." Peterson good humoredly rerlied,
Il shall be much obliged to yon. Tom. to
let it be as much like two shillings as
you can "
Down Hula gentleman lying on his
death-bed. called his eoachman, who had
been an old servant, and said "Ah, Tom
| am going a long and rugged journey,
worse than ever you drove me Oh,
| dear sir" replied the fellow, Che having
been an indifferent mastery ''never let
that discourage you, for it is all dooa
hiW"
G. o. D,-A Western paper thinks the
cabalistic characters &c. q. D." OH ex.
press packages mean "Cbell Out Dam.
quick" and deplores both the profanity
and the bad spelling of the express com
i panies. -..... .
: PREMATURE ADDITION "A wag, speak
e ing of the cruel treatment of child by
t its mother. says The child certainly
should have the careful attention of some
e one, or 1t will be prematurely added to
j. the kingdom of heaven, and thu perhaps,
e permanently separated from its kindred" "
+ HER CARRIAGE Don't you admire
h that lady's carrage?" said young Tasty,
C to his friend liuhunter. pointing to a
lady with the gait of Juno My dear
Y fellah.' was the reply, ''if she could af.
8 ford to keep her carriage, | wouldn't OBJ
]. jcct to marrying her p The puppy,
' sY During the war. an excited orator
L on the STUMP said that the women of the
10 couatry could chura ont the pubic deb,
3 ! in few years, Judging from the price
/ of butter they have commenced upon the
business already. - ....
g HIGH FAMILY.--A person was boastint
y that he was sprung from high fainil,
es in Ireland. YES said bystander. q,
ID have Seen some of the same family 81
v high Mot their feet could not touch til
m ground.
n Mrs PARTISsroN saws that the coal
re porters may say what they like about re
st ligioua tracks, but she thinks. in he
er opinion, that there's no tracks so sugges
ra tive of solemn III .ughts as the railrost
at tracks. s..s.r -. W I.sI
- - HIS FIRST ACT "A young candidate 70
" the legal profession was asked what h
should do first when employed to b,in
an action. ASK for money on account,
TN was the prompt reply. He passed.
to WHAT TO EXPECT AT HoTEL Inn al
tention. '''J
Gr"Auptie please to give me kiss.
by said a diminutivc nephew to an antiqu
les aunt. 8
n- r0hl you nice, affectionate child" sal
Ia she, kissing him. u.
"Oh, don't don't didn't mea
. that | meant sugarkss in grcC
he paper"
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