Des Arc citizen., 1866-11-17
SALMAGUNDI.

rejiced at the fall of my best friend, ! i. RGrWhy arc women hard on clothes 1? Because when. they buy a suit, theyl wear it out on the first day. s-m. py- Josh Billings says if 2 man is 1 going to make a business of serving th6] Lord, he likes to sec him doit when he } measures onions, as we'll as when hej hollars halleluyar y. 9siss.
 pa~ Has your sister got son or q daughter !? asked a son of Erin. Upqn] my life,' was the reply, I don't know whether Tin an aunt or an uncle. ss s''
 rN- Run and get me an armful of wood, said a woman to her husband, one rainy day, 'as you are wet and am I dry.' The same plea was, used for 2 1 dozen more crrands. At last 1t was, Get mo bucket of water, for you arei wet and ain dry The bucket of wal ter was brought and thrown sovcrlhcr,] the husband cxclaiming, Now do youl.] share, for you arc wet too KS | gz" A gentleman remarkable for3 ! having great deal of lead in his fore-7 head, called one morning on lawyer,a who asked what news ??
 Why says the other, T do not know ;;l my head is confoundedly out of order| this morning.
 That is extraordinary news, indeed, '| said the lawyer.
 What al extraordinary thing for a man to have the hcad-achc
 No, sir says he, lido not say that ,,| but for so simple a machine to get out of order is extraordinary indeedF
 rsy. sBoo-oo-oo-oo-fa father don't lick me will you?' said little urchin one day who had been guilty ofsomc mis-] demeanor. sj
 Whats the matter with you sir 7 ss
 Q, don't lick me, father!
 Come along here, what have you| been a-doing?' H8 sssg1 s
 I broke that old broken saucer--'s
 Come here to me s.s
 sI'm 'fraid you'll lick me, said the boy trembling and shaking. 1 "as
 Come here, l tell you.'
 Wont you lick me,Y teIi 1 .eNo.' | Will you swear you wont?
 Then I.wont come father; for par- son Johnson says, he that will swear will Irf.
 psE> You ought to marry. Never.
 I know q good girl for you. Let mol alone. sBut perhaps, -pshaw i- you don't know her. She isp young.I Then she is slY.' Bcautiful.S Tho more dangerous Of good family, ,| |g.,rhcn she is jealous. She has talents. a .To kill mes' And one hundred thous| sand dollars' I'll take herv gss~ Ali ffishman with his famiiy.] landing tiPhiladelphia, was assisted] on shore by a negro, whospokc to Pat-| rick in Irish. The latter taking the1 black fellow for one of his own coun- trymen, asked how long he had beenI in Amcrica2 About four months wasI the reply. The chop-falIen Irishfna1l] turned to his wife and exclaimed ;BptI four months in this country and almostI as black as jet \ 1 MY
 HF A merchant a. few miles from] Petersburg, Va, on opening n shogs-| I head of hardware, and comparing its| contents with the invoice of it, found a| hammer .lesstthan was charged tllerein.l This he mentioned to young Ifish-| man, his assistant, who immediately exclaimed, Och, my honey, don't boI after bothering your head about that{ didn't tne nagur take it OUT fthe hogs9 head to open it with?' aip aW sU 1sy, X fond father, the other dayj
 wishing to form an alliance bctwe6l1
 his stupid Iubberly son and a find young lady of his acquaintancc, sent
 him to her with the following note:
 Dear Madan-Allow me. to prcsen1
 my BILL for your acceptance.
 The lady sent the spo0ney back tos1tS| father, with the following reply: as Dear Sir-Your bill is vetoed.'
 gsE- A man met big Indian on thd plains few days ago. The gentid 1, savage had a large bundle of scalps3 1. and the white man made bold to asI3 him what he had Becn doing. Heugh !3 said the noble red man, me been skir-1 , mishing for waterfalls ?
 r peg-One of the "Bureau" officials whfld l travelling recently i'll the cars in Alabad l ma, noticed alady with negro girl i1l attendance, and he remarked: sMa3 dam, l see you have one of my chilj dren" s.Yes, sir," replied the ladS1 "I pieceive the resemblance v' A slig4l tittering was observed in that part ol ! the car and, the Bureau left. n neg~One of otir exchanges, in noticihd . the presentation of i silver cup to n contemporary, says: .He needs n6 l cup. He can drink from any, vessel that l contains liquor, whether the neck of q l bottle, the mouth of demijon, the spill l of keg, or the bung of barrel. Cooks AND CooKING.-Thefe is i'd : more gricvous error than that a know3 y ledge of cooking is nnladylike. Uh| ; happily the error is very prevalent $ however and the consequence is tha] c '.stewed shoe,' or vegetable sohI n balls" or s'gutta percha patties" would
 be quite as much in order on bills o| fare as what now too often breaks thl Il hearts and demolishes the. teeth of oul o people. And yet ladies abroad are no| d so squeamish aboutvisits to the kitchell o One of them, q real lady, that is a titled 0 one-has actually a cooking book il It press, and it is said that she knows how IS to do well all that she teaches. Ca1 10 we not have a. reform in this respectl " As for the majority of the restaurants| | they ought to be incontinently condenl al nod fpl. lone periods to hard labor 0|