The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1866-10-11
The Woman that can Drive a Nail

I'm hanged if ever saw one," says
Ed
Well, 1 didn't ever see one either,
but it won't do to admit that, if Pm to
write about her. The masculine race
would laugh so, and if there's one thing
do hate above another, it is to let man
laugh at a woman. And [ can describe
nearly what a woman ought to be, if she
could drive nail. Besides, there isn't
one woman in ten thousand who couldn't
do 1t better than man, if she wanted to-"
Therefore [ take my pen in hand, and
stoutly and with big, positive letters de-
cribe to you THE WOMAN WHO CAN
DRIVE A NAIL.
She is the mother of ten small children.
Her husband, in his day, was not what
our grand-mothers called " a good provid-
err" not by any means. In fact the only
foolish thing she ever did was to marry
him, a poor, shiftless soul, with not so
much spring to him as a lump of dough.
And he departed this life, leaving here
with the numerous progeny aboye-men-
toned, and nothing else. But she takes
care Of them she does. Ten children are
nothing in the eyes of the woman who can
drive a nail. Bless you no! She has
more faculty" than dozen Yankee
housekeepers. Her cow never goes un-
MIXED O nights, her pig doesn't root in
to next doors garden, and her hens don't
take liberties with neighber's early corn.
You won't find a weed in her flower beds,
a broken down trellis in her yard, nor a
rat hole under her kitchen door, She
has not leaky eave-trough, nor loose
clap board, nor gate off its hinges about
her premises.
Because she can drive nail.
And L wish you'd see her manage her
hammer. She neither craks her thumb,
nor splits board, nor breaks off nail
She always hits the nail square on the
head.
She is never behind nor never in hur-
ry. Nor was she ever out of patience or
out of temper. Good humor is the health
of the soul; sadness its poison says
" Stanislaus, King of Poland" and the
woman whom [ describe puts this maxim
into practice entirely. Her spirit fairly
runs over with bubbling, warm, rich life
She refuses to fret or worry about any
thing in this world. And she never fain-
ted nor had nervous headache nor hys-
teric in her life. She is plump and good
natured, with merry, bright eye, and q
jolly, happy body. She help lps everybody
else out of trouble, but herself hardly ev-
er wants help. She is merciful and chari-
table even to the dumb dog in the street.
And there is not a shadow of any thing
spiteful or vindictive about her. She
does mt envy Mrs. Green either her black
hair or nice husband. Moreover, she
wears her last winters bonnet, which is
the climax of independence in woman.
And the oldest inhabitant never heard
her talk gossip.
Because she can drive a nail.
But don't think she is one of those easy,
credulous souls whom sham distress in
any form it pleases to take, can impose
upon. No indeed. Neither her head or
her heart is soft enough for that. She.
can look straight through matter from
top to bottom, with an eye which con-
vinces pretended misery that it had bet
ter tramp. And there is no such thing
as fooling her in bargain. Her wits are
sharp enough to cope with Chicago
grain speculator. She is bright, keen, and
active as sewing machine, and much
cleverer. When she once makes up her
mind that certain thing is right you can
move her no more than a mountain. AL
so, haven't the least idea that she would
make submissive wife. That's the beau
ty of her. When and where you will,
you will find her the same merry, whole
some, solid, dependable person; in word
you will find her to be that mythical
long-sought, almost impossible Woman
with no humbug about her.
Because she is the woman who can drive
a nail. ZIG.
-[From the Saturday EUcning Post.
Links in the Chain.
! The blast that drove the storm cloud