The Van Buren press., 1866-08-18

'h NV Jus '''''' -
--- ..-
Volrairc said Of MademoiscIlc dc
Iavy She was so beautiful that ! rais
ed my long, thin body and stood before
her like a point Of admiration
- IrascibIc old CONT" Waiter this
ratc Is quite cold !" Waiter" Yes, sit,
hut the chop is 'ot, sir, which ! think you
viii find it will warm up the plate nicely,
III y
"A widowcr who was accused Of
never having shed a tear on the occasion Of
his wife's death and burial, defended his
conduct on the ground that she had caused
hm to she'd So many before her death that
the briny fountain was utterly dry.
--- A loafer called at one Of the Gle
CANT residences at the South End, Bostor,
day or two ago. and asked for money
We haven't cent, he was told " Ah,
is that so ?" said he. pattinS his hand into
his pocket "ubIige me, by accepting
this ihrec-con bit. d"
- A gentleman walking along the
docks had his attention directed to The toa-
ting church "Ah very unstable princi.
pies there--a change twice in every twenty
four hours !" he exclaimed Listener
couldn't see it, and asked how that could
be, and was answered
"Dpn't You see us High Church or Low
Cuulch according to tho state of the tide9'
-- When Lord b died, person
met an old man who was one Of his most
intimate friends. He was pale. confused
ard awe stricken. Every one was trying to
console him but in vain,
/" His loss" he exclaimed, =" does not
effect me as much as his horrible ingra,i-
tude W ould you believe it? he died
without leaving.)pe anything in his will,
who haue dinei with him, at his own
house three times week for thirty years -
--- 4 crrate having been oyerhaucd
by his bishop, fvr attending ball, the for
mer replied
My lord. wore a mask -
"Oh, well, returned the bishop, q that
puts new face on the matter
---- The Lake City leader is rcSnonsi-
bic for the following story At, meet
ing Of the patriotic ladies' aud gentlemen Of
Lake City, to prepare for the festival late
iy held in that town, a young attorney
present was requested to find out who
would supply the milk for the dinner.
Jumping up on a chair he loulIy asked
How many ladies here will give milk
Tor the brave soldiers p to which an elder
iy lady replied, that for one she could not
she had not given any milk for ten years.
This remark so utterly confounded the law
yer that he was entirely unable to prosecute
his inquiry, and it has neyer been satiscac-
'omy known how many ladies there were
at the meeting who would have promised
Ito give milk for the brave soldiers. ,
- AT political meeting the speakers
aud audience were very much disturbed by
man who constantly called for Mr.. Hen
ry. Whenever new speaker came on,
this man bawled ont, "Mr. Henry, Henry,
Henry | call Tor Mr.. Henry
After several interruptions OF this kind
a, each speech, young man ascended the
platform, and was soon airing his eloquencc
IN magnloquent style, striking out pow.
eriully in his gestures, when the old crv
wa heard ior Mr. Hcnry.,.. II
Putting his hand to his mouth, like a
speaking trumpet, this man was bawling
out at the top OF his voice, "Mr. Henry
Henry Henry | call for Mr.. Henry to
make a speech g
The Chairman now iose, and remarked
that it would oblige the audience il the
gentleman would refrain from any further
calling for Mr. Henry, as that gentleman
was now speaking"
Is that Mr., Henry =" asked The dis,ur-
Der OF the meeting. " Thunder that can't
be MIR. Henry! Why. that's the little cuss
that told me to holler -
Mr.. Cough adds, that in telling this ste
ry toaman who never could see the "point"
Of a joke, after studying for some minutes,
the man asked him Well, Mr.. Cough,
what did he tell him to holley, fo, o.
- A few days since, specimen yam
kce, fresh FROM his rural home, tool, trip
10 New York, As he was passing down
broadway, he saw card in window, on
which was printed, Soda. ten cents n
glass Jonathan thought that he would
try some Of" that air sody, which he d
heern tell on" Entering the store and
calling for the cooling beverage, he was
started almost out Of his boots, as the drug
gust turned the faucet. Rush, ha. whish
Went the escaping gas and water. The
Yankee jumped back with an indignant
and startled look, cxclaimipg 4" No, sir
no. sir-eci You can't play that on mo
Wheni drink bilm' hot soap suds, ! hop,
to be darued"
-- Some two thousand dogs wcr
diowssd'in Now York, last month, from
the ruJlls pound on tho East River side,