Cleveland daily leader. [volume] ([Cleveland, Ohio]) 1865-1873, 1866-06-21
LETTER r O CHICAGO.
The Chteken and the Shell.

CHICAGO, June 4, 1865.
There was ones a shell, and within it a
chicken. Later, there wa a chicken, and
not far off the debris of a shell. But the
chicken didn't care much about the
debris. So gentlemen reasoned with the
chicken, and finally thrust its head among
the debris and toldit to build up the shell
once more, and to make itself a home
within the ovoid walls. The chicken
demurred, and the curtain fell on the last
interesting tableau. Perhaps this is but
seen first of q ive-sct comedy-who
knows?
For myself, 1 guess there are but two
acts, and that the first, which is finished,
constitutes two-thirds of tho two. But
then, I never went to guessing school and
am probably only a stupid. For gentle
men with very long noses, and longer
ears, and immense eyeglasses, tell me
that that chicken will not only recon
struct its shell and live in it, but that it
will gro0 in it, and grow very large, and
fare better every way inside han it ever
could outside For, they declare that it
has been known from time immemorial
that all getting outside of shells is a mis-
take, a fanatical rabies of its kind, which
must be altogether stopped before the
millennium can get within a thousand
years of US. And if gentlemen with
very long noses, and longer ears, and
immense eye glasses, don't know the
truth, 70 whom shall We commend our
selves2
If you will refund the postage on this
letter and add one red stamp for cost of
ink and stationery, 1 will translate my
riddle into Yankee for you, which means,
again, that I shall at once translate it,
and hold you indebted for the sum indi-
Gated, large as it is in its relation TO an
editors finances. Nor would you your
self think any estimate too high, if you
knew the pains with which 1 first trans
lated the facts into the riddle, and built
up with patient toll its fair proportions.
Know, then, that the chicken is a paper,
and the paper a newspaper, and the news
paper a noose-Paper, wherein an in
c~autious editor got hung, and nearly died.
And the name of the noose-psper was the
Chicago Post while the chicken was in
the shell afterward IFS name was the
Chicago Republican +; and now it is popu-
larly designated as "0ur-the- Wbati==it.'
And some wicked men protesting TO
mistake the proper name Whatiz=it forthe
question . What is it?" make sarcastic
answer, ooh it isn'tw
But it is. And it is the "Our-the-
Whadzsit." That is the name of my
chicken now, as all the respectable citi-
zens of Chicago know.
The shell in which the chicken was. is
Jimsheean, and is made of copper, pope
and feenyon, in equal parts.
1t is wretchedly used up just now, and
has applied at Washington, to a Mr.. He'd
scentersiohnson for a license to be recon
structed by the chicken, in case the chick
en- consents.)
The gentlemen who reasoned with the
chicken, are the owners of the paper.
A very ridiculous mess these gentlemen
have made of it.
The Post was a sickly concern, true TO
James Sheahan and the Pope, but true
to nobody else a bolter in the Democratic
party, and a malignant foe of the Repub-
licEn party. 1t could not compete with
the Times, which was rich and got all the
funds from Tammany, and had brains and
the Devils especial patronage beside, and
nobody except the Times sort of men
could abide the Posts dilutions. Vari-
Gus parties bought and sold it, but always
without " breaking bulk - james Shea
han was the containing shell from first to
last, and being a shell of the more dimin-
cnicken was an exceedingly diminutive
chicken.
At length, some gentlemen who couldn't
manage the Trlbunc-and you must know
that this Tribune ie n dUuOIe-sPurrvd fowl
OF the most unmanageable order-set out
to make Issbtnc Of their OWN, which
should know them and obey them, and be
an innocent pet at their several fresides.
And going up and down in the market
place they came upon this chicken -in-the
shell, and found it ticketed
FOR SALE"
1t was not difficult to buy it, and they
hired a Mr.. Mack to break the shell and
let the bird out. Now Mr.. Mack was a
timid man and dare not let the bird out.
for fear it might fly in his face and inter
tere with the instrumentalities of vision.
he hired a Mr.. Dana, late Assistant
Secretary Of War, who had handled q
great many birds larger and smaller. TO
this chicken after it should be let
lut. Then he broke the she'll, and Mr..
Dana instantly bagged the game.
Now MI. Dana was promised a great
leal of money by Mr.. Mack, upon the I'm
important condition that he should make
lis chicken earn it, and should give
bout Eseven-eighths of the earnings to the
t~ockholders. So he set the chicken
o scratching. But the chicken was still
ender, and especially tender in the feet.
nd the ground was very hard in which
he money was supposed to be buried. and
e immense Tribune bird frightened the
tile creature almost TO death every few
avs, and there wa but little money
armed. Meanwhile the poor thing must
and Mr., Mack found chicken
ed very high, and Mr.. Dana de-
red to eat also, and asked Mr..
lack for money, which Mr.. Mack
idn't like so well, and the eentlemanlv
ockholders liked still less.
In those days there was q house in New
OK called the Custom House. This
anne resulted from a curious custom of
Ie Manhattanites in all their generations:
e custom Of taking things" which is +,
for stealing 1t vas erected as l
e grand emporium of the more success 3
/ takers, and as an imperishable tribute
the chief custom of the city. E
Mr.. Dana had once handled birds in v
ew York, and had heard of the custom /
d also Of the Custom House, and he
d with himself: go to, Charles; this c
icken will grow 20 be some thing of a =
by and by, but not in my dav.
If l can get the place of chief
1er IN the Custom House, l shall scratch !,
tier for myself verify l SHALL So he
ote a letter 10 the Maker OF Takers :
q asked TO be made Chief Taker. But F
Maker of Takers instead of making =
Dams Chief Taker, gave his letter to u.
ne vile fellows who gave it to the devil.
of course it soOn got thence into
mt. Then Mr.. Dana made his chicken A
at the Maker of Takers with fell in
t; and the chicken left two of its toes 4
ween the Makers teeth, and returned -
comtitted. Y
came the stockholders, and bsde y
Dams 90 away hafara be sbo,15 IL Ar