The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1866-03-23
CoNrEpERIr Y ROADS, (wich is
in the Stait Nv Kentucky.)
III r 1904

Last mite retired TO my virtoous couch ut
precsely half past eleven, after eating rather
lite supper, for that time Of mite. lalluz make
IL a pint to eat lite in the evenin, for I'm get
tin old and my digestive faculties ain't what
they wuz when wuz young. Alas! We hcy
lived out tho best NV our days, wat wood we
give to be set back to the time when, with our
faculties unimpared, we Good consume good
square meal without fear NV consequence. But
"Them happy days is fled
And never will return"
paid my respeks to 2 mince pies, pare Of
pigs feet. some cold tongue and plate Nv tripe
folered by half dozen do nuts and couple or
more glasses or moro Nv hot whiskey punch,
and singler ez II may seem 1t didn't set well.
dreamed ut mite and my dreams wusn { ut all
pleasant. NIethawt wus deceest and wus in
the next world. II wus singler site that met
my vision. The dividin line atween this world
and the next wus swift srrcam nv water, and
every deceased speerit he'd 2 cross it. TIL water
was something like the Dead Sea. A man un.
cncumbered with anything Good walk on 1t,
but they sunk down in it If they wuz loaded,ac
cording to what they had to carry. On the
tother side NV this Jordan was heaven and the
dominions NV his majesty Satan. The last wus
below, and to it q strong under current flowed
which took all them cs wus too heavy loaded
to keep their chins above water.
On the banks stood moro than 9 millions Nv
little devils who flung onto the shoulders nv
them tryin to cross, their failins, weaknesses,
and iniquities.
General Breckenridge wuz the first that !
saw enter the food. lie he'd on a life preserver
tabled States Rights, but pccrt little devil
stuck pin in2 it, and it collapsed, the gas
with which it wus filled smelcd horribly
Down he went, and rs he sunk they c0mmenct
peltin him with packages lablcd Treason,
Perjury and Murder and Jonn Q, went un
der.
Old Jecmcs Bukanon went next. The old
gentleman didn't keep above water es long es
q able.bodied man could hold bar Nv red
hot iron in his hand. He made one slash,
when weight labled Treason struck him
and down he went. The gentlemanly and ur-
banc devil who he'd him in charge, he'd big
pile more OF ammunition to dischargeat him,
but that one wuz sufficient.
Vullandiggum came next, | wus surprised to
sec no one molten at him, but ho sunk all the
same. We never waste effort, said Satan to me !;
"he carries enough natural cussedness about
him all the time to sink him, without putting
anything onto him that he did ten days ago.
Frank Pierce made his appearance. but de.
clined to enter. lie wuz immediately seized
and on each lcg wus tied weight lablcd Kan.
sas, and they flung him in.
lie went down like shot, and that's the
last seed NV him.
Garrit Davis went in and to my surprise
passed over safely. Nothing wus flung at him.
for which asked tho reason
Why. sed Satan, the poor old man amt ac-
countable. lie commenct . talk many years
ago and keeps on talkin because ho really don't
know when to stop. could hev sunk him,
but the fact is wouldn't cndoor what the Scnit
of the YOonited Stats hez for the past few
years, Tor u dozen of Toombs lawyers. BE
sides this I'm getting more from Kentucky
than I'm really entitled to. Fyo mortgage on
. thirds of that Stait.
Fernandy and Ben. Wood came up rather
bold and entered the flood ez though they wus
sure of going through all right. With a inim-
table chucklc Satan nOtioned away the mex.
percnced devils and said "leaye them to me"
and at Ben he hurled package OF the New
York News, witch washed him down instanter
Jus, as Fernandy wuz beginning to reach the
other side he flung onto him an assortment Nv
weights tabled LOTTERIES Riots wich took
him down to his armpts and finished by tum-
blin onto him mass On wich was written
'Mayorality' and down he went, at wich His
Majesty drew sigh Nv roicf.
Secin the style Nv men who sunk, remark
cd unto him,
"rhis war has been rather profitable thing
for your
"Nothin to speek NV" scd ho. "The lead.
a., =, ti,o xyoro a,iu, uv nm hon.
est, and got through on that account, and the
rank and file were ignorant wretches who amt
accountable no how. The leading coppgheads
nv the North were mine anyhow, from the be-
ginnn. Any man who Good simpathize with
the rebels in sch n struggle, must, yoo will &C.
knowledge, hev he'd u long career Nv iniquiiy
to fit em for sch sin. Why" sed he, "do
700 think use all the shot hey? Not any.
Them yoove seen piled were used because, beln
the last were on the top NV the pile.
Any quantity Nv yoor party escape me.
Them fellows who are yet votin for Jackson,
I'll never git, and the most NV them ez nlluz
votes unscratched tickets will dodge me. Their
innoccnse protects 'cm. Ii takes modritly
smart man to be vishus cnuif to come to me
he hez to hev sense enuif to distinguish between
good and evil, cusscdncss cnuil to deliberately
chusc the latter, and brains enough to do some
thin starIlin in that line. Dan VOORHEES,, Nv
Injcany, hcz all these qualities developed to
degree which cxcitcs my profound respect. Bc.
tween him and Fcrnandy Wood its nip and
tuck Fcrnandy did wicked things with more
ncatnis than Voorhees, but for aactual love
NV doin en-, Voorhees, bccts the world. sed,
continued he, "that tho war wasn't Nv much
yoose to me. repeat tit WIZ damage.
Aforc the war, | he'd my own way pretty much
in the Southern States. For every octooroon
cood count ON at least two planters, and under
the patriarklc system NV Alrkin slavery, (wicll
by the way. wuz one NV my most brilliant con-
scptions) Octooroons multiplied with a rapdity
plcasin to behold. But now, alas the octoor-
oon business is done. and my best holt has
gone. have some little hope, however. The
Dimocrisy is displayin yiggcr didn't think
they posscst. Ef they kin only git strength
cnuil to elect the next President and rc'cstab-
lish slavery The thot fills my soul with un-
utterable Joy. The rcdOosin Nv the Niger to
bondage agin. would give clean title to every
last one who helped to it. and in gittin them
back to their normal condshun (by the way,
that's anuther phrase Nv mine) there'd be enuil
slaughtcrin and murders TO satisfy several sich
Satans ez am. Id help EN- ef ! knowd how,
but can't improve on either their speakers or
writers, and ez long cz men will do my Work
gratis. don't sc the yoosc NV intcrierin.
AT this pint u couple Nv small lmps under
took to push me into the strccm, and awcke'
My drcem wuz o'cr, but the impression remain
cd. "Kin it be" unused pensively, "that We
are doin tho devils work, and are We to be
finally rewarded in the manner saw in my VI
sion? Ef 20, hcdn't better quit and repent !
But thought again, that however 1t might
be for younger men, il would be OF no yoose Tor
me. he'd voted the strait ticket for thirty
years, and the ten or twelve years he'd 10 live