Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1866-07-17
miscellaneous.

~ ~ ~
How to become real estate agent
marry rich wife.
-"Bob, did you know that Miss e. was
drowned to-day?" ''No, how did it Lappen?"
"Her waterfall bursted"
The Scientific American has an article
on water, as direct "gentin the production
OF m'lk:' No'one viii doubt 1t.
A lady, on putting on her corsets, is like
a man who drinks to drown his grief be-
cause in so-la-cing herself she is getting
tight!
If you had gone half crazy at not hav-
ing won yOur sweetheart as wife remember.
you might have gone the other half if YOU
had succeeded.
Tie man in Jail who looked out of the
window of his cell, and exclaimed, this is
CRATE country, is now generally admitted to
have spoken within bounds.
ii live in my charmer's eyes said a fop
to Coleman. Il don't wonder at it, replied
George, for observed she had a stu in them
when l saw her last
Single Blcss2dncss is sheet-iron duilts.
blue noses, frosty rooms, ice in the pitcher,
unregeGerated with icicles, guttapercha bis
-,
coiics, rheumatism, misery, etc. Ugh!
-Matrimony is not buck-wheat cakes,
warm beds, comfortable slippers, smoking cof-
lee, round and plump arms. red lips, kin
words, shirts exulting in buttons, redeemed
stockings, boot-jack happiness, etc. uur-
rah!
The pompous epitaph of q close -fisted
citizen closed with the following passage of
scripture: lie that givetht to the poor lcndeth
to the Lord" dat may bc;'' soliloquised
Sambo, ''but when dat man died, de Lord
didn't owe him a red cent"
Mrs Wiggles expressed ker disappoist-
ment the other day, on taking up the paper,
thus: "Lor, sakes, their aiat a single living
person dead that I know. 1t seems to me
there amt no news i'll this ere paper
AT prayer meeting recently held not
far from New Haven all earnest brother whose
zeal surpassed his intelligence offered this Pc
titiOn-"O Lord, have mercy on us poor
miserable sinners, Of which am the chietest
among ten thousand and the one altogether
lovely"
WHATS that pictur on?" said coun-
tryman, IN our hearing the other day. in u
paint store, to the proprietor, who Was turn
ing over some engravings. That. sir" said
to stand still" "Du tell! Wall, which is
Josh aud which is his son?"
There is one advantage in marrying
widow, and that is, you commonly get Il ready
made family along with her. 1t is a great
thing to be called ''Pa," under any circum-
stances, but to lie thus honored on the day of
your marriage, is to taste in spring, the full
frultion of autumnal months.
"A couple of captains became desperate
In saloon, IN New Orleans, few DAYS ago.
and their friends provided them with fowl
ing pieces for bloody duel. They stood but
few PAGES apart, and both combatants fell.
one covered with mush and the other with
molasses, the seconds having loaded the pieces
with that kind Of vittles'
"A schoolmas err lately illustrated the nc
cesslty OF corporal punishment for the cOrrec>
ton of Juvenile depravity, with the remark
that the child, when once started in a course
OF evil conduct, is like locomotive ON the
wrong track-It takes the Stcttch to yet it
off, o0' -
Never be discouraged because You can't
, no more. N'''' 0o
ed for crimes. ~ NV ''' H.
formality there is in it, >''O 'O0'
LITERARY ExAMINAr1oN.-The following
IS from the Washington correspondent of the
N. Y, Commercial:
Thenumerious public schools washington
city. are now being examined, and also the
freedmen's schools. a good strory is told IF
the private secretary Of Senator Sumner,
who attended one of these institutions for
teaching the contraband idea how to shoot,
and was invited to PROFOUND some questions.
"Children,' said he, in grave tone, :swhat
Senator can you name?' There was pause.
and then the bright boy of the class exclaimed,
"Abrum Lincum" mo" said the Young
gentleman, 81 mean what Senator in Congress
do you know, or have you heard OFF" Another
pause and then young specimen of ebony
and ivory timldiy suggested, candy johnson"
"He's not Senator, either" Just then
another pupil was inspired, and exclaimed,
General Washington!'