The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-04-24
NUMBER 8.
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

A Sailors NoTIoE OF WHERE TO
LEARN MANNERs.--As President lin
coin was walking the quarter deck of one
of our men-of-war with his hat on, a sal.
Tor asked his messmate-
"Who's that fellow that don't douse his
peak to the admiral?'
"Why, it's the President.
"Well," retorted the other. president
or no President, he's an uEmannerly
dog"
"Lord!" replied Jack, "where should
ne learn manners He never was out
o-sight of land"
Some enthusiastic patriot having been
eulogizing the girls of76, witty editor
replies that they are not to be compared
with the girls of from IS to 20.
"Dear me-" Said Mrs Spriggins. n
don't know what to do with John, be is
SO cross TO me. 's0h treat him kindly
replied Mrs. Brown. always say, how
are you John tonight? Can do any.
thing for you, and SO forth; it will
subdue hint will be like heaping Goals
of fire on his head" "Well," said Mrs.
Spriggins, 1T don't bleeve twill answer:
I've tried bilin' water, and that did no
good"
The Stockton Independent says -. -
Yesterday afternoon, as an Irishman vas
driving mule toward the race track he
was accosted by man on horseback as
follows: swell, Paddy, I see you have,
your brother along with you" To which
the witty Hibernian quickly replied;
eyes, and be nae sowl it's diEilish glad
We are to meet our father"
A lover wrote to a lady who rejected
him, saying that he intended to retire s'to
some secluded spot,and breathe away bis
life in sighs." To which the lady re-
piled, lnquiringly, whether they would
be medium or large size. The man has
not since been heard from.
A Ward thus describes his perils at.
sea: "Dsth stared US in the face. But
we had rather the advantage of Deth.-
While Deth stared us in the face thar
was about seventy Of US starin Deth in
the facs. The prospect wasn't pleasing
to Us. Not much. I don't know how
Deth liked it, i1
A Salt Lake paper, IN announcing the
death Of a Mormon bishop, says: He.
was thirty seven sold, and leaves an
interesting family of eleven wives and
forty seven small children to mourn his
loss. /"
"Of all the saws ever saw saw, never
saw a saw saw like this saw saws. - sa "a
A boys idea of having a tooth drawn
may be summed up as follows: sThe
doctor hitched fast to me, pulled his best
and just before it killed me the tooth
came out.
ola me r sighed Mrs. Partington,
''here have been suffering the biga.
mics, of death for three mortal weeks.
First was seized with bleeding phre.
nology in the left hampshire of the brain
which was exceeded by stoppage of the
heart This gave me an inflammation Of
the hoarax, and now | am sick with the
chleroform morbus. There is no bles :
sing like health, particularly whensy
are sick" .ss, :. sssesfe
A somewhat juvenile dandy said to .,
fair partner, at ball, "Don't you think.
miss, my mustaches are beconing?"
To which she replied.
"Well, sir they may be coming, but
they have not yet arrived" ,xsl
An Englishman being asked how he
.spelt saloon, replied: with, hess, .
hay, a hell, two hoes and hem
What's whisky bringipg?" asked 4
dealer. -
! Bringing men to the gallows, and wo.
men and children to want, was the reply
A Yarkee down Fest has recently sn-
vented rat exterminator, consisting Of
sort Of powder snuff. The animaljerks
its head off at the third sneeze. 5aT la
A FAsHIoNABLE BoNNET.-As little
bit of nothing, trimmed with three yards
of ribbon and yard oflace. Price 800.
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