davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07
all Sorts Of Q5uoN 8ra0jrg.
The Sorrows Of a Lecturer.

For the benefit of numerous class of
ambitious men who aspire to become
popular lecturers, I send you few items
of mv experience. I went to Southern
Illinois to get sOarted as a lecturer. L
told my hotel-keeper that it was my first
effort in the lecturer-line, that l did not
care for money If 1 could only get star
ted. was unfortunate on that occasion
either in my subject or my audience
Nv subject was, The urgent necessity
for the Immediate revival and thorough
reorganization of the Know Nothing
party" My audience we're all Irish. l
got started.
Being advertised by the ., ua-de- plume
of the q Fat Contributor" my audience
is sometimes disappointed in the size of
the lecturer. Such was the case in a
town l visited in Minnesota last summer.
Nv audience was small, owing to the
public being suddenly and severely in
disposed-they were indisposed to come
to the lecture. My audience, in fact,
consisted of but one people. He was a
gentleman. 1 began my discourse,
" Gentleman and Ladies'" but changed
quickly to Respected Sirl Before l
could proceed any further my audience
arose Indignantly to its feet, as one man.
I inquired the cause of the Interrupt
tion.
"Sir," he said, "the audience is dis
appointed in the size Of the lecturer"
Well, my dear Sir" said I, " the lee
turer is disappointed in the size of the
audience, and if you will not say anything
about size, won't"
He allowed me to proceed, and at the
conclusion was so well pleased that be
urged me to stay another night, when he
promised me much larger audience
He could not come himself, but would
send his wife, who weighed two hundred
and sixty-fve pounds. l didn't stay.
1 have had good deal of money in my
houses at one time and another er-gener-
ally in the pockets Of some wealthy man
in the audience. always come home
with money, however I borrow some to
come home with.
I have had some large houses. The
LARGEST house I had was at Louisville
XIV That house must have been two
hundred feet long, ninety feet wide, while
in height it came pretty high-took al
the receipts to pay rent. A Louisville
editor said a good thing about me. He
said "The Fat Contributor lecturec
last night to a small house. His style
resemble Artemus Wards, but he has
not the case and grace of Artemus before
an audience" As though lecturer
could be at his ease before an audience
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07
The Country Press,

WE may observe, in passing, that the
most prosperous of ourcountry exchanges
seem to be those that give most attention
f. the local news of the counties in
which they are published. The weekly
country paper can not expect to compete
with the city daily in fullness and fresh
ness of general news, and editors make
grave mistake in examining their columns
with mass of matter which most Of
their readers have had in more complete
form in the dailies. But, in respect to
local news, they have a field in which
the city paper does not come into compe
tition with them. The affairs of coun-
ty, such as the transfers of real estate,
proceedings in courts and before magis-
trates, and the multiform social enter
prises educational, religious, political
and industrial, may seem trivial to an
editor whose head is filled with grave
cogitations on the state of the country at
large, and whose eyes are intently fixed
on the crowned heads of Europe. But
trivial as they may be, they interest the
people of his own locality, and they will
support, without particular appeal, any
paper in which they are certain of find
ing a record of such things. The coun-
try paper should be a complete reflex of
the community in which it is published /;
a local history issued in weekly volumes.
The value of the country press is ma
terially diminished by too great devotion
to political matters, and pOnderouS dis
cussions of political questions. Nine
out of every ten of the country papers
that have gone into bankruptcy, because
the people wouldn't take the paper, have
died of too much politics. It is very
convenient for an aspirant for office, who
wants to 90 to the State Legislature or to
Congress, or whose ambition is confined
to the pickings and stealings about a
county courthouse, to have his organ to
play his own tunes and discourse his own
music. But if he succeeds in controll-
ing the county paper, he does so at the
expense of the prosperity of the paper
itself. He gets his Office, perhaps, and
the editor gets-the satisfaction Of hay
ing helped him into it.
There is some county printing and ad-
vertising to be done-amounting in all
perhaps to 81, 200 or $500 year, and
to secure this, some country papers that
we could name, will fight and squabble,
and " sling" very dirty ink eight months
out of the twelve. Why not cut loose
from the politicians and their patronage,
assume an independent course, publish a
paper that the people will like to read
that they can't help reading-brim-full
of local news, concerning schools,
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07
~ coNHs APPoTNTpEENTs.

DR CONE treats and cures all variety Of diseases
IL and may be consulted at his offices at the follow
ing times and places:
In Urbana, at the Exchange Hotel, on Wednesda!
Sept 20 Oct. 25; Nov. %; Jan. 3; Feb 4; March Il
April Is.
In Springfield at the Willis House, on Thursday,
Sept. 81; Oct. 25; Nov. 30; Jan. 4; Feb. s; March
Is; April -.
in London at the Phifer House, on Friday, Sept;
%; Oct %; Dec. I; Jan, Feb,9; March IL; April
20 r.,
In Columbus at the American House. on Saturdays
and Sundays Sept % and "a; Oct. 2S and %; bec
and $; Jan sud = Feb 10 and II; March II and Is;
April q and p.
DvsDepsia in all its various varieties all diseases OF
the ungs and Air Passages a. Laryngits. ard Con
-nm;.fion: all diseases Of the Kidney, Liver, ran
.r.as ana the glands generally adj disc ses .. the
Heart Blood and Blood Vessels all diseases ot the
Brain and Nerves as Epilepsy, Cborea, or 81. NltUs
Dance Neuralgia, Palsy, and general nervous lrnu,
rritun: all diseases If females enlarged tonss. aud
nh forms CT Scrolua, also all diseases Of the Eye
aud Ear; and all other Chronic Diseases. No charge
for consultation but cash for medicines. Be sure not
TO delay your application too long. no ltrom
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07
StIttt 9uttrg.
sroNEwA1L JACKSON.

THE memory of Stonewall Jackson mas reeel
ed few tributes more touching in simplicity an
Dathos than the following beautiful poem, pul
Iished in the New York Citizen, of which NJ
Charles G. Halpine is the editor. Mr.. Halpin'
himself a poet of rare taste was an officer in II
United States army during the late war, and
well known to fame as d" Private Miles O'Riley,
The poem in question, he says, is from the pen
h distinguished officer of the United States N
vy.l
He sleeps all quietly and cold
Beneath the soil that gave him birthi
Then break his battle-brand in twain,
And lay it with him in the earth!
No more at midnight shall he urge
His toilsome march amoug the pines;
Nor hear upon the morning air
The war-shout of his charging lines.
Cold is the eye whose meteorgleam
Flashed hope on all within its light;
And still the voice that, trumpet toned,
Rang through the serried ranks of fight.
No more for him shall cannons park,
Or tents CLEAN white upon the plain;
And where his camp-fires blazed ofyore,
Brown reapers laugh amid the grain |!
No more above this narrow bed
Shall sound the tread of marching feet;
The rife volley, and the clash
Ofsabers, when the foemen meet.
And, though the winds of autumn rave,
And winter SHOWS full thick and deep
Above his bre4st-they cannot move
The quiet of his dreamless sleep.
We may not raise marble shaft
Above the heart that now is dust,
But nature, like mother fond,
Will ne'er forget her sacred trust.
Young April, DER his lowly mound,
Shall shade tho violets from her hair;
And glorious June, with fervid kiss,
Shall bid the roses bloom there
And round about the droning bee,
With drowsy hum, shall come and go;
While west winds, all the live long day,
Shall murmur dirges soft and low.
The warriors stormy fate is o'cr,
The midnight gloom hath passed away;
And like a glory from the East,
Breaks the first light of Freedoms day!
And white winged Peace. o'cr all the land,
Broods like a dove upon her nest;
While iron wsr, with slaughter gorged,
AT length has laid him down to rest.
And where we won our onward way
With fire and steel through yonder wood
The black-bird whistles and tue quail
Gives answer to her timid brood.
Yet oft in dreams his fierce brigade'
Shall see the forms they followed fer,
Still leading in the futhest van
\ landmark il the clouds Of war.
And oft when white haired grandsires tell
Orbloody struggles past and gone,
The children at their knee will hear
How jackson led his columns on!
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07
.ALh nEWsPAPERsi

l.Subscriberswho do not give express notice
O othecOntr1ry, are considered as wishing con
fuuetheir subscriptions to the paper.
9. If subscribers order the discontrnuance OF
heirperiodicals, the publisher may continue 10
tend them until all arrearages are paid. -
3. Ifsubscribers neglect or refuse to take thelf
periodicals from the Office TO which they we're a.
sected, hey are heldrespOnsible tilthey nay ese'
tledthe billand ordered them discontinued.
4. If subseribersremOye to other places p W IL ~
Veptto INSTRUMENTATION ,theyare reheldresPOh-
B The Courtshavedecidedt dthatrefusingto otake
neriodicalsfrom the office, orremoylng ana @ lc'N
Ing them uncalledfor,ts prima Jdc'e evidence Oi
Newfoundland.
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

SOMETHING NEw.-A German has introduc-
ed combats of women Of Dresden, and the
account of the proceedings is, that six Amaz-
ons entered the arena with light but tight
fitting costumes. Three were matched against
three, and they were to give their antagoni-
SITS complete throws. wrestling fashion, right
on their backs. The women are described as
1.-THE and agile in the extreme, and bringing
down rounds of applause as their forms strug-
gle in fascinating and elegant coRtortions.-
At length the rounds were complete, and the
final heat remained between a colossal sandy
lady, and pretty, neat, and small brunette
who, to the wonder of all present, flung her
big opponent on the back with ease. The
issue was gold watch and chain for the vic
tor.
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07
AGENTS WANTED !
DAY EASY MADE

s1O ADAY EASY MADE $40
Bv selling EngravinCs Card Photographs and Sta
torIery Our Stationery Packets eXcells all others
each Package contains Paper Envelopes, Pencil, Pens
&C. and Jewclry wCrth dollar at retail FFSce Oh5y
S0 Cs,fs We will send Agents 100 Stationery Pack
AGES and a Silver Watch for Sl7 We also publish
sDIendid steel EDgravngs and Portraits, Lthograph
Prints &C. verv popular and saleable. Will send a
ne assortment OF 100 for $500 that will realize $50
or 80 lot that will sell for $50 or over viii send
sample lot for IS that will sell for Sl5.
send Stamps for Catalogue, Terms, &C.
HASKINS & CO. Sc Beekman-street, n. Y.
no. 102-l0W.
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

The S4.OO CoMMUrAr1ox LAw.-Among
the first official acts Of the Democratic mem
bers of the Ohio Legislature was that Of in
PRODUCING bills for tie repeal Of the odious
S4OO Communication law The Republicans
do not like to come out fst-iooted against
these bills, so they have hampered them with
amendments and referred them to the Mill
tary Committee, where they will probably
be smothered. If these were bills to relieve
negroes, with what indecent haste would
they be rushed through by the Abolition mas
ioritY
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

GoIxc TO BosToS-A Swee: little girl in
New Haven, only three years old. was pFomit.
ed one evening that she Should accompany
her parents to Boston next morning. Shs
was much elated at the prospect Of the joufl
ney, and when she had finished repeating
her little PRAYER, as she laid down to sleep,
she said with the most exquisite simplicity.
Good by, God-Good by, Jesus Christi
am going to Boston in the mornin =
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

GooD-Oue OF our Northern school
marms,' who is employed in teaching the
freedmen" told sprightly negro girl that
she must not call the woman with whom
she lived, mistress-tlrat she was good as
anybody" Pretty soon the girl asked her
teacher what business she followed before
coming South to teach. II was a bonnet
maker" was the reply. "WellP said the
girl, gathering up her books and starting for
the door, I'm not goin' to 'sociate wild you
any longer-you say dat rs elil to my
mist'uss, and she don't sociate wild bonnet
mixers
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

A Coon Hrr-At the last session Of the
Legislature an appropriation was made for
night watch to guard the State Treasury.
Mr.. Willett. in the State Senate, few DAYS
ago, introduced resolution inquiring wheih+
or on the inside or outside Of the Treasury.
Failing to see the hit at the defaulting Stats
Treasurer, the Republicans voted for the res
olution, and it was passed unanimously. Ws
suppose 6. Volney appreciates the joke,
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07
HOLIDAY PRESENTS.
AGENTS. vnAEgEED.

Grsat Stc Of Jc,re'ry and Sirerr0re.
The ArrandaIe Great Gift Distribution.
our Agents arc making from Five 20 Thirty Dollars
nr dav aud we sill He d more. Late invoices from
urnpc have s,ycllcd our stock TO over one Million
D.H4ars A spirI.di6 assortment Of Watches, ELGs,
Ladies' and Gentlcmeus Jcwelry Of all klnuS oi INC
most fashionable patterns. selling at 81 elcn. Htnu
* cents for certificate and YOU viii see wh7t You arc
entitled 10: or 81 for five certificates. or $ for &r
or send Il cent stamp for our terms TO Agents WEch
are Of the most liberal kind. Now j. your time.
ARRANDALE u Co.
no 1gO-3n No 1GT Broadway, \. \.
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

TnE Erie Observer very truthfully says it
is a common thing to hear Republicans boast
that they are a majority of the people Of the
Union. The statement is false. The Re-
publican is minority organization, always
has been and always will be. In the North
it dominates by a few thousand merely, while
the South is a Unit against It. .Of the whole
people Of the United States fge-eighths at
least despise its principles, scout its pretenr-
ions and misirust its headers. The fact is lost
sight Of by many that instead Of being any
longer a government Of the majority, our ina
stitution are at present moulded, and our
laws enforced by usurpiug minority.
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

A PAINFUL SrGHT,-In the Jail in Boston
are two white babies-One seven years OF
ace. and one Of nine, both small for their
wears and infantile in mind. Their o1ense
was stealing few grapes, and they are com
mitted tor nou-payment Of fne and costs
Going from the meeting on Social Science,
to visit the Iail, strangers would he surpris-
ed to see such a spectacle in BOstOn.-Quin-
Reader, isn't the above a splendid speci-
men of Boston "liberality, refinement and
humanity, of which she boasts so much =
Talk about tie cruelty of SOutherners to
their negroes? These two poo, little pa pa
bies." for taking "a few grapes, probably
unconscious Of committing sn ofense, were
committed to Jail in the intelligent and Chris
tan city of " Bosting.a Could better i'll
ustration be given OF the hypocrisy, selfish
ness and meanness of these Psalm singing,
nigger loving philanthropists of Boston,
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07
The Science of kissing.

PEOPLE will kiss. yet not one in hundred
knows how to extract bliss from lovely lips,
no more than they know how to make dia-
monds from charcoal And yet It IS easy, ct
least for rsI This little item is not alone for
new begia uers, but for the many who 90 to
it like hunting coons Or SMELLING corn. First,
know whom you are to kiss. Don't make
mistake although a mistake may be good
Don't Jump up ike trout for q fly, and
smack woman on the neck, on the ear, or
on the corner Of her forehead, on the end OF
her nose, or knock off her waterfall, or jerk
her bonnet ribbon, in haste to get through
The gentleman should be little the talest.
He should have a clean face, kind eye, a
mouth full of expression instead Of tobacco.
Don't kiss everybody, including nasty little
dogs. male or female. Don't sit down to It,
stand up. Need not be anxious about get
ting in a crowd. Two persons are plenty to
corner and catch kiss; more persons spoil
the sport. Stand firm; it won't hurt any
after YOU are used to it. Take the left hand
of the lady in your right: let your hat go
to-any place out of the way throw the lett
hand gently over the shoulder Of the lady, p,
and let the hand fall down upon the right
side toward the belt. Don't be in hurry (;
draw her gently, lovingly to your heart; her
head will iall lightly upon your shoulder
and handsome shoulder strapi 1t makesl-
Dan't be in a hurry send little life down
your left arm and let it know its bIsiness.-
Her left hand is in your right, let there be
an expression 10 that, not like the grip OF a
vice, but q gentle clasp, full of electricity,
thought and respect. Don't be in hurry
] VI
| You are nearly heart to heart Look down
into her hslf-closed eyesl Gently, yet man
fully, Lress her to your bosoml Stand nrn
and Providence will give you strength iol
the ordeal Be brave, but don't be IN nur'
ry. Her lips are almost openl Lean lightly
| forward with your head, not the body. TAKE
good aim; the lips meet-the eyes close
! the heart opens-the soul rides the storms
troubles and sorrows of life, don't be IN
hurry (-heaven opens before yOu-the Worl'
shoots from under your feet as meteor haSn
es across the evening sky, don't be afraid
j the nerves dance before the just efecte'
altar OF love as zephyrs dance with the deV
trimmed Aowers-ihe heart forgets its bitter
ness and the art of kissing is learned. n
noise. no fuss. no fluttering and squlrnIlng Ink
hook inpaled worms. Kissing don't hurt
don't REQUIRE brass band to make 1t lega
Don't lab down on beautiful mouth as
speari4g for frogsl Don't grab and yam
tbe ladv as if she was a struggling colt!-
Don't nuss her hair, scratch down her cola
bite her cheek, squzzle her rich ribbons, an
iIeave her mussed, rumpled and muXedl Don
flavor your kisses with onions, tobacco. gir
cocktails lager-beer, brandy, etc; tor a maui
~, lice is worse than the itch to o delicate
loving, Sc .sible woman.
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

The New York Express says =" Boston
is provincial city in a provincial State, with
prejudices, passions, and idiosyucrasies, that
make most liberal men Of this cosmopolitan
world avoid her. when they can. A State
that can make it penal for even its BARRIERS to
shave on Sunday, cannot tempt men with
baards "
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

WASTE OF TME--An exchange paper says.
Congress by calling the nstnes Of members,
such as Plants, schenck, Delano, Bingham,
and SO on. Who not inst call Thad Stevens
name and be done with it2
It may be, however, that the Clerk calls
them merely ont of courtesy, as he does the
names OF those known 10 be absent
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

A lDvFRTISE in the CRBANA UNION you wish
a to secure the trade Of Country Dealers
ny Advertising in the UNION you may secure New
I'D Customers,
cash Customers read the Advertisements in the
4 UNION.
THRIVE YOUR business by Advertising in the CR-
u BANA UNION.
EVERYBODY Reads the UNION. tdvertise In it.
FARMERS Take the UNION and Read the AdVer-
ID tisemcuts-
GROCERIES may bSsOld by Advertising in the
II UNION.
HOUSES may be Sold by Advertising in the
IL UNION
IRON, Tin and Copperware may be Soia Dy Au'eI-
i tiaing in the UNION
TEWELRY could be Sold by Advertising in the CR-
d BANA UNION.
FTABBAGE. Krout and Corn Meal ought TO be Aa-
n vertised in the UNION.
7 USIBER might be Sold by Advertiting in the IN
u ION.
1toEEY viii be made by Advertising In the UR.
M BANA UNION.
NOTICES Of Various Kinds viii be inserted In
" the UNION.
OLD Goods can be Sold by Advertising in the
" UNION.
DURcHAsERs always Read the Advertisements in
i the UNION.
OUEENswARE and Crockcry could be Sold by
u Advertising in the UNION.
DIFLEs, Revolvers, &C, could be sold by Adver-
IL tising in the UNION.
oFOYEs, Shoes. Sugar aud Soap should be Ad-
u rertised in the UNION,
UNIVERSAL Yankee Notions be Advertised
u in the UNION.
VALUABLE Property may be BOnght, Sold or Ex-
changed, by Advertising IN the UNlON'
TTHENEVER you want to 'Sel Out" Advertise in
w the UNION.
VACTLY what you Want can be obtained ny al
a vertising in the UNION
YOUNG Men. might get Situations by Advertising
in the UNION t-
TFATOUsLY Advertise your business in the UNION
b Il viii pay.
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07
Andrew Johassa.

THE Newburyport Herald, a conservative
Massachusetts Republican journal and the
only one in the State, says Of Andrew john
son that be is
q A strong man and a statesman, who had
assumed the helm in the STORM is o skilllul
plot: one whose chart was the Constitution,
whose precedents were drawn from the ioun
ders of the Republic, ard whose point OF
compass was directed by love Of justice, lib
ertv and country. He laid down platform
that covered from sight and sound all caucus
platforms and all party resolutions. He set
vigorously to work for the restoration OF the
restoration OF the Union. RecOustrucaol he
did not seek: the Union had been construct
ed seventy years before on model that
could endure forever ReadmiSsion oi States
he did not talk about, for no State had de-
parted from the Union, ard no star had dis
appeared from the flag. He was Southern
man, and knew who were the parties for
that restoration. He appointed bis officers
the people responded in good words and good
works, aud the majority o. the people in re-
heI6on lave renewed their allegiance, and
he States are resuming their Old and true
position"
or the situation Of Massachusetts, it is
also most sensibly and torcibly said:
Slowly TIE majority of Massachusetts,
may come into line. but come they must or
find themselves the opponents Of Andrew
johnson in as hopeless and powerlesS a min
oIity as We're the oppoSers Of Andrew Jack
son, thirty years ago,
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

ST. Paul How do you like the charac-
ter of st. Paul ?" asked parsou Of his land
lady, "Ah he was a good, clever old soul,
I know, for he once said, you know, that we
must eat what is set before US, and ask no
questions for conscience sake. I think I
should ike him for boarder."
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1866-02-07

"SAyDs OF LIFE Every body has seen
the advertisement, beginning, " A retired
physician whose sands Of life have nearly run
out" etc. And OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
how kind the fellow is in sending gratis his
recipe. All that is necessary Is (as you una
ont when YOU get this recipe) to buy at a
bgl price from him which Che says) you
can n get nowhere else. This swinding scamp
is in fact a smart brisk fellow Of about thirty
i've wears Of age, notwithstanding the length
of time during which--to use a funny phrase
which sombody got up for him-he has been
" afflicted with loose tail-board to his NOR
tai sand-cart." Some benevolent friend was
50 much distressed about the teebleness OF
q old Sands Of Life" as to send him one day
\ large marcel bv express, marked g. o, D. ,
and g costing quite a figure. "Old Sands "
paid, and opening the parcel, found half a
bushel of excellent sand.-BdrnuTs Hum
buqs of the World.