The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-11-28

Flattery sits in the parlor, while plain
dealing is kicked out of doors.
'TIl take the responsibility" as .Tenks
said when he held otu his arms for the
baby.
How cana boy make his waistcoat
lasti By making his waistcoat and
trowsers first.
There are three things that can never
become rusty :. the money of the benevo-
lent, the shoes of butchers horse, and
o woman's tongue.
DR.. Bushnell once secured a subscrip-
ton for q house of worship from a
wealthy unbeliever, by asking the novel
question: "What would real estate be
worth in Sodomi"
"You look, said an Irishman to pale,
haggard smoker, "as if you had got out
of your grave to light your cigar and
couldn't find your way back again"
A QUEER REcoMMENDATIoN.-A man
advertises for competent persons to un.
dertake the sale of a new medicine, and
adds "that it will be profitable to the
undertaken"
The Rev. Henry Ward Beecher, des-
cribing his new organ, says: "The swell
died away in delicious suffocation, like
one singing sweet song under the bed
clothes"
An exchange says: "Lovers, like ar
mics, generally get along quiet enough
until they are engaged"
A flying machine is in course of con-
struction, and is being made "on the
model of wild goose" The inventor
sits as the model.
WATCHING THE STARs.-An exchange
gets off the following:
40. Kig says you could ten all those
who sad up last Digit to see the 'sdars
shoot badly from their spheres by the
Bladder they prodouds 'intiuedzy.'
YoUNG AMBITIoN.-Bertie: "Papa,
when grow up, may l be what i likeT
Papa ayes, my boy, you may choose
your own profession" BERTHE: "Then
I'll be sweep, for shall never have to
wash my face"
SAYINGS OF JOSH BLLLINGs.-I like
them kind of boys who are alway trying
to lift half ton.
Let the world understand that you
kan be spit upon, and you are spit-box
for life.
1t cost more now daze to feed and
Il nthnr l.
Ter in the family.
Conscience is nothing butreason more
or less educated; conscience is not SO
strong natural gift as is an ear OF
music.
If fyew are a going tew help man
be lively about it; promised assistance
after while is konsidered debt.
Don't never profess much, for if you
git it right, nobody will remember 1T
and if you git it wrong, nobody will
disremember it.
Some people are very apt to think
that their opinion, backed by pair OF
hosses and coachman, is omnipOtence,
but hev, thus far, put more heft OF
confidence in brains than hev by long
odds in hoss feed.
Ion u loIBit tudl c'cLy man 10 t ooS
gar in the opinyun of God-"Give III
this day our daily bread"
This trying to live on the reputashur
ov ded grandfather iz just about a.
enterprising as trying to hatch out rot
ton eggs under tin weather cock.
An exchange relates the following
Our reporter was around hunting q
house for friend, and called to see 8
family who were preparing to vacate
cozy dwelling. As the door stood open
the reporter walked in without knock
ing, and his eyes straightway lighted OF
the dame Of the household, who was
making frantic lunges with broom
stick at some object under the bed.
"Good morning, madam! All! you
have a troublesome cat under the bed.
Troublesome cat!-no, sir; it's that
sneaking husband ofmine, and I'll have
him out or break every bone i'll bis
bodyw
.'You will, eh ?" said faint voice un.
der the bed. "Now, Susy, you may rave
and pound, and pound and rave, but III
be dogged if I'll come out from under
this bed while I've got the spirit Of a man
about me "
IRISH Wfr.-A gentleman of the bar
in Ireland, walking one day with a
friend who was extremely precise in
pronunciation, the latter, hearing some
one near him say Curiosity" exclaimed :
'How that fellow murders the English
language at isn't murder, it's MAIN
| inc. said the other; she has only knock
ed an = out"
A SERENADE Cur SHoRT.-This is the
season for moonlight nights-for clear,
cerulean skies-for an atmosphere
breathing aromatic balm, and for n
canopy of clear, quiet clouds, lustrOus
with the light of myriads Of stars. 1t
is season when young gentlemen,
touched with the tender passion of a
poetic temperament, and having some
pretensions to "vocalizing" go out of
nights, with q guitar in hand, and un-
der the balcony or latticed window OF
their lady-love, like troubadours of the
olden time, pour forth, in accents trem-
ulously tender, praises to the souls
idol-to the magic mistress Of the heart.
Improving ou the season, gent" OF
mind romantic, and years some twenty
two, last night went forth and stopped
beneath the window,of mansion where
lives fair and queenly dame. There,
wit epulsive finger, did he touch his in
strument, and in music's voice Of silver
sweetness did answer make unto his
passions plant. Thus he sung
All! tell me where is fancy bredr"
And no farther did he sing. for a do
mestic of the sex feminine, and Of Afri-
cas- line and lineage did the window
opel, and thus address the loving min
strel: