The Van Buren press., 1866-05-05


- A gallant officer in one of the To-
wa regiments, who never quailed before
rebel bullets, fell an easy victim to a pair
of bright eyes. whose owner wore beau
tiful apron. bearing the emblem of our
country's flag, and who was waiting on
the Iowa boys at festival lately given on
their return home. The Colonel, wishing
to make the lady's acquaintance, remark
cd
That's pretty apron that you wear,
Miss"
"Yes," said the fair maiden, Z" this is
my flag"
81 have fought many hard battle un-
der that flag" rejoined the Colonel.
"Not under this flag" Indignantly ex-
claimed the beauty, as she swept away,
leaving the gallant son Of Mars perfectly
dumbiounded.
- A good-natured fellow who was
nearly eaten out of house and home by the
constant visits of his friends, was one day
complaining bitterly of his numerous visi-
tors.
,'Shure, an I'll tell you how to get rid
of EN-" said an Irishman.
Pray, how %
"Lend money to the poor ones, and
borrow money of the rich ones, and mai
ther of them will ivcr trouble ye again"
- At recent festive meeting, mar
red man who ought to have known better,
proposed The ladies-the beings who
divide our sorrows. double our joys, and
double our expenses.
Upon which lady proposed "The
gcntlemen-the sensitive individuals who
divide our tiIae, double our cares, and tre-
bic our troubles" The married man did
not wait to here any more.
- A bashful and rather green young
fellow of our acquaintance, invited young
lady to attend a ball with him one night
last summer The invitation was accept
ed, and the couple appeared at the ball.
After dancing Tor some time, "greeuy y
saw his partner sitting in one corner OF the
room, all alone. Now was his chance. Sc
he walked up to where the lady was sit.
ting, and sat down beside her. All well
so far but the bashful fellow was at q
loss for something to say. He fdgetet
about considerably, and was sweating pro
fusely. Finally, taking hold of his wilt
ed collar, he commenced the conversation
thus
"It's powerful warm in this room. My
shirts. wet, amt yours ?"
His partner blushed, said nothing, bu
took his arm for the next dance.
-" How much yo you charge Mass
magistrate. to marry me and Miss Dina ?
"Why, Ran, I'll marry you and Mis-
Dina for two dollars"
1.-TWO dollarsl What you charge t.
marry white folks, massa -
:" We generally charge them five dollars
Sam"
"Well, you marry us like white folks
and I'll give you five dollars, too
"Why, 'Ran, that's curious notion
but as you desire it, will marry you lik
the white folks for five dollars"
The ceremony being over, and Ran ant
Dinah being one, the meg istrate asked fol
his fee.
"Oh no, masss, you no come up to d.
greement--you no kiss the BRIDE"
sect out of my office, You black ras
cal"
- The rich may oftentimes well env!
the poor coarse linen keeps the body war
mer than fine linen or silk.
One thousand five hundred and sew
enty-two national banks have already beer
established by the Government.
1t is said that lady, on putting Of
corsets, is like man who drinks to drow
his grief, because in so-laeing herself, sh
is getting tight.
- 1t has been asked when rain fall
does it rise again :? OF course it does
der time.
"Well. Bridget, il engage you | sha
want you to stay at home whenever sha
wish to 60 out.' "Well, ma'am, ha'