Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1866-07-14
.QDblo Statesman,

Debate on the Tariff BllI-IIle Mon
Keys in Exeter Change, and How
They Take Their Food u lehj l1
Correspondence Of tho Chicago Tribune. Republ
Z o. ~ III WASHINGTON, July z, 1885,.
Your readers doubtless remember Fon-
lTblanque's story of the monkeys, in the old
Geological Gardens Of. London, which runs
thus: "The monkeyBin Exeter Change used
to be confined In q row of narrow cages,
each of which had apan in the center of its
front for the tenants food. When all the
monkeys were supplied with their messes it
was observable that scarcely any one Of.
| them ate of his own pan. Each thrust his
arm through the bars and robbed his right
or left hand neighbor. Half what was so
seized was spilled and lost in the convey
ance; and While one monkey was so un-
proftably engaged In plundering, his own
pan was exposed to similar depredatons.
The mingled knaveryand absurdity was
shoekingly human" '.'H- rol IIal afl /.
During the greater part OF this week,
while the Tariff bill was in committee of
| the Whole, an exhibition of this kind was
going on In the House. To recount all the
tscufiles that took place in imitation of the
monkeys of Exeter Change, would make
| this letter too long. will select few of
! the more noticeable jousts, where pans were
| upset and food plundered and spilled. Mr.
/ Morrill,, of Vermont Mr.. Kelley, of Penn
| sylvania, Mr.. Pike, of Maine, Mr.. Driggs,
OF Michigan, Mr.. Thomas, of Maryland,
and few Others, having their messes be-
| fore them, proceeded to dine out of each
| others pans. Mr.. Morrill, is the tallest one
| in the menagerie, and has the longest arms.
! lIe is aperfectly honest specimen. He be-
lieves that stealing out of your neighbours
| pan is the proper mode Of taking ones food.
| He wouldn't take his any other way Being
the patriarch of the monkey establishmenb
! it is his business to see that each one gets
his fair proportion out of his fellows mess,
and spillsthe proper quantity in conveying
it to his pouch. n. "H,g.ai .aA .YI
Mr.. Morrill, decided that fifty cents per
| ton on coal was enough for Mr.. Kelley of
| Pennsylvania and Mr.. Thomas of Maryland
| TO steal out Of the pan of Mr.. Boutwell, of
Massachusetts,. But Mr.. Kelley had got
| his claws on dollar and half a ton. So
| heealled the whole menagerie to his assist
ance, and appealed to them to stand by
| the old principle of grabbing all you can
out of the whole row of pans, and they
| voted by fifty-one to fifty that he should
| have his dollar and a halt. But in the
scrimmage with Mr.. Boutwell, half the
| plumber was lost and trampled in the dirt.
Mr.. Boutwell, can get coal from Nova SEQ
tia for say $5 per ton. Mr.. Kelley and Mr..
Thomas make him buy of Pennsylvania
and Maryland at $3.50. BUTT costs Penn
sylvania and Maryland $5.75 to mine and
transport it to Massachusetts. So Mr..
Kelley's constituents have robbed Mr..
Boutwell's constituents of $1.60 per ton,
but have got only 70 cents into their own
maws. The other 70 cents is, lost to the
monkey community. But they have saved
great principle-the right of each monkey
to steal out of his neighbor's pan. Mr.
Boutwell, all the while defended the prin-
ciple, but was opposed to the application of
While this robbery was going on, Mr..
Pike, of Maine, who wanted to help him
self to fifty cents a barrel on herring, out of
the several pans in the garden, discovered
that somebody was taking three cents
pound out of his mess, oI1iChdtR7cGbbes, and
made great Outcry about it, The thief
had disappeared (likewise the plunder),
and nobody could tell who or where he
was. Mr.. Pike protested against having to
pay three cents pound extra for chain
cables. He was willing to pay two cents
because he was accustomed to it, but three
cents was gougel He didn't believe
there was monkey in the whole lot who
would be benefited by it. Mr. Morrill,
was sure there was one somewhere. He
might be in Maine, or he might be in New
York, or he might be in some other State.
j there was none, there ought to be one,
and Mr.. Pixies pan ought to be robbed for
the purpose of starting new one in busi-
ness. These views were received with such
favor that Mr.. Pike did not even call for q
division on the question. His constituents
are to pay three cents pound extra for
chain cables to hold their ships while they
are out for herring, in hopes of getting it
back by robbing the rest of the community
fifty cents barrel on what they catch. 1t is
agreed on all hands thatnobody is to get the
three cents which Mr.. Pixies constituents
lose, until some one can be drummed up to
take it. Meanwhile the rest of the monkeys
are to lose fifty cents on their herring. Mr..
Pixies constituents will not gain it, because
while they have to suffer a loss of three
cents on their cables and dollar and half
on their coal they cannot afford to catch
herring f0rless. 4r ..lg..s rsoa r.,7 no
Mr.. Thomas, of Maryland, having done q
good thing in company with Mr.. Kelley, of
Pennsylvania, in getting off with dollar
and a half a ton for coal, kept a good watch
on his own pan, and when he found Mr..
briggs, Of Michigan, making "a drive for
twenty per. cent. on copper ore he fought
quite furiously. Mr.. Thomas constituents
use vast deal of copper ore, and they want
to get it as cheap as they can. But Mr..
briggs constituents, being exposed to
good deal of plundering in the clothes they
wear aud the tools they work with, cannot
afford to mine copper unless they are al
lowed to rob their proportion. Mr.. Nor
ffll decided that their fair share was fifteen
per cent, and when Mr.. Thomas demurred
and said that five per cent. was enough, he
was reminded by the former gentleman that
after getting addollar and half q ton on
coal he had better hold his tongue; and this !
was the opinion of majority of the mem
agerie. So Mr. Thomas constituents and /
their customers are robbedof fifteen per
cent. of their Goppers Mr.. briggs epnstit-
uents do not get more than five per cent, of
1t into their mouths, because they are so
Numerically robbed themselves that they
cannot afford to mine copper for what 1t is
worth. ON iu-.iSlX9 htOd ,EDEITsfiE nd I'm 4
An Iowa member said that he had been
accustomedto feedin the old Fashioned way,
out of Mis- neighbers' pans, though he had'
misgivings both as to the economical advan-
tages and the good manners Of the system.
His own pan having been exposed to heavy
depredations on all sides, he must insist Oh 1
taxing forty cents a bushel on fdtsSea as'
part condensation for his losses, and even 4
Then bis constituents would not. be made 4
whole by long way, ! If he were not al /
lowed to do this, he should 60 for a new
system-that of each one feeding out .0ftI
his own pan. q Mr.. Morrill, said that he lIatl
no doubt whatever of the general exnedi- !