The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1866-01-20
WIT AND WISDOM.

ketchup.
Epitaph on a portrait painter-Taken from
life.
kiss--a receipt given on paying your ad-
dresses
He who has good health is a rich man and
rarely knows it.
Small cheer and great welcome make q
merry feast after all.
The attempt to read many books otter ends
in thoroughly reading none.
tie who enters upon a career Of crime
must come to halt or halter.
man hanging is better than yagabond !;
ne hss visible means OF support.
No matter how long you have been mar
ried, never neglect to court your Wife.
However active goose's wings may be in
life, they become stationery aiterwa ard.
You needn't have such reverence for
truth as always TO stand AZ an awful distance
from it.
\ child thus defines gossip: It's wh :
nobody don't do nothing, and somebody goe.
aud tells OF it,
The greatest objection to those who meaa
well is, that they seldom find time to carry
out their intentions.
The faults and mistakes of Us poor human
being are as often Perpetrated BY despair =
by any other one thing.
A spirited young lady who was shout to
marry man " hose parse was longer than
his head, SAID she preferred his dollars to
hi sense.
Dean Swift once said that Providence
showed how little j. thought Of riches by the
fools II permitted to possess wealth.
\ Souihcrn paper thinks that something
is OF foot IL South Carolina She herself 8
on foot. She used to ride the high horse
but cant now.
No man is born into the world whose work
is not born with him. There Is always work,
and tools to work wi,hal, for those who will
"Aii jitters have heating tendency Of ef
feet, said a doctor % young lazy. g You
viii except a bitter cold morning. won; you,
doctor inquired the lady.
A goi4en rule for q Young lady, is TO con-
verse always with you. emale friends, a, If a
gentleman were OF tie purity and With Young
men, as if your female companions were
presca'.
\ novel by Alfred Austen is advertised
entitled, :. on by Il Head We siucerclv
trust that tie reputation already gai:.ea Uy
the young author will.not BE - lost los a tale 20
-Fmch.
There are eight requisites TO success IL a
, law sult-a good cause, n good Judge,
a good counsel, good attorney. gooI
( witnesses, good jury, good purse, and
last, though not least, good luck.
\ tenth besu;itude was pronounced at a
/ public meeting OF the Congrega tionel L MON,
7 recently held in Toronto. 1t runs in this
/ wise: = Blessed is the man that lnaketh a
short speechj be viii be invites to come again.
i'll sou take the Life of Sherman,
m@am, said u Boston Bookseller TO Mrs.
/ Parjington. as she eyed The contents of his
shelves. Land o Goshen TO - replied the
/ old lady why should |? The General
never moiested ne
y Cleveland copper speculator fell aslee p
. n church, from which he was waked up Dy
the pastors reading: Surely there /, vein
fer the .-er and a place for tile gold where
they find it, Jumping to his feet he shool
his book at tLe minister, crying, III tax:
five hundred shares
Baron Rothschild once comRainei to Lord
! Br- CHAM Of the hardship Of not being al
lowed to take his seat in Parliament. ''Yor
know, said he, q | was the choice OF the peo
pie To which the ex Chancellor, with hi.
usual csusticity, replied, = So was Barabbas.'
TWO WIDOWS.
Tho YaEke- widow heaycs sigh then eLinentIy Erac,
cal! nayl,p constructs a pie
The Hindoo widow u'ers roil cry, and then con
-iructs pyre.
The first evoke lrgm no, a -ks:7
I The last from solid wood cyokes = ire.
\ laly, the daughter of person of grea
wealth, and having herself " great eypecta
tions," went 10 & washerwomau and inquired
how much she charged :. doz EN- for washin:
skirts. One dollar a dozed," was the re
ply, That is good deal, " saws the lady
but want you to wash the over hal. of thre
skiN for me-"
An Irish Judge had ha bit of beggin.
pardon on every occasion. At the close c
the assize, as he WIS abou, 10 leave the bench
the officer Of the Court reminded hum that h
had not passed sentence of d ath on one G
the criminals, as he had intended "Dea
me, said bis lordship, . really beg his pa
dou.'
THE EQCIyoCAL APoLoGY-AS EPTGRAM.
Quotl Ma'an'e Bas hlue, . hear yon have sail,
: Intellectual women always your drcai;
Now tell me. sir, is it true"
Why. yes said the was. YER, likely may
Have made the remark in jocul.r WAY;
But then, on NV honor, 1 didn't mean goa"
NJ. Saint Hilare was President of the s.
, ciety of AcclimatIon. Having invited
: member Of this Society 10 taste of kind {
! meat undoubtedly new TO him, the learne
/ doctor thought his opinion was sought for
, regard to some rare and newly introduce
1 animal and 20, after having duly tasted i
2 he gave it thus " In my opinion II is oft
Z. utmost Importance to acclimatize this an
= NAL Is was horse flesh.