Daily union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1865-1866, 1866-01-23

Columbuf 6.25 N
Arrives at Montgomery at ..........-....-. ela NJ
Artemus Wards biography.
From the Mobile Adyertiser.l
Dr.. SIR: Yrs, in which you ask me to
send YOU sum leading incidents in my life so
you can write my Bogfry for the papers, cum
dooIy to hand. / hav no doubt that an ar
ticle onto nv life, grammafycally jerked and
properly punktooated, would be addition
to the chois literatoor Of the day.
To the yooth Of Ameriky it wound be
valIyble as shown how high pinnykle Of
fame a man can reach who commenst his
career with a small canvas tent and pea
green OK, which he rubbed il off while
scrstchin hisself agin the centre POLE causin,
in Railway, n. j., discriminatin mob 10
say hum5ues would not go down in-them
village. The OK resoemd agricultural pur
scots shortly afterwards.
next tried my hand at givin blind-man
concerts, appearin as the poor blind man my
self But the infamus cuss who hired to I
lead me round towns in the day time to ex-
cite sympathy, drank freely Of spiritoous
ticker uEbeknowns TO me one day, x while
under them inflooance he led me into the
canal. / had to either tear the green band
age from my eyes or be drownded. i thot
I'd restore my eyesight.
In writing about these things, Mr.. Editer,
kinder smooth EN- over. Speak Of 'em as
eccentrissities of genus
NY next vontur would hav bin a success If
hadn't tried 10 do too much. got up
series of wax fggers, and, among others, one
of Socrates. tho't wax fgger of Old Sock
would be popular with eddycated people, but
unfortunately put brown linen duster and
a u. s. Army regulation cap on him, which
people with classycal eddycations said It was
farce. This enterprise was unfortnit in
other rcspecks. At certain town i adyer-
tised a wax fgger of the Honorable Amos
Perkins, who was railroad President and
great person in them parts. But il appeared
/ had shown the same fgger for pirut
named Gibbs in that town the previus sea-
son, which created intense toomult, and the
audience remarked, "shame on me-" and
other sentiments of the same. similarness.
tried 10 mollify 'em. / told family pas
sessin children might hav my she tiger to
play with half day, and / wouldn't charge
,em a cent but alars Ii was of no avail.
was forced TO leave, and infer from a article
in the advertiser of that town in which the
editor says, "Altho' time has silvered this
mans he'd with its frosts, he still brazenly
vallows in infamy. Still are his snakes
suffed, and his wax works unreliable. We
are glad that he has concluded never TO re-
visit eur town; althJ, incredible as II may
appear the fellow really did contemplate so
doing last summer, when true TO the craven
instincts of his black and craven heart he
wrote the hireling knaves of the obscure
journal across the street TO know what they
would charge for 400 small bills, TO be done
on yellow paper. We shall recur to this
matter again."
Judge by this that there Is still feelin
felt agin me In that pickturesk village
/ will not speak OF the time when, bein
in straitened circumstances, let myself TO
Sabbath school pic-nics TO sing ballads sdap-
ted TO children's understandings, accompany
in myself on the claironet; but one day |
forgot where / was singin, and instid of
"0h. how pleasant to a little child"
let out
Rip. snap, set 'em up agin.
Right in the middle of three cest pie,
which mistake, added 10 the fact that l
couldn't play onto the claironet except max,
in il howl dismal, broke up the picnic, and
children said, in voices choked with sobs
and emotion, where was their home and
where was their pa? and i said be quiet,
/ am your pa, which made young woman
with two twins by her side say angrily,
GOOD heavens forbid that you ever should
be the. pa of these innocent ones unless il is
much desirable TO expire ignominusly upon
TO a murderers gallusti"
say will not speak Of this. Let 1t be
beiTid into oblivyun.
In your article, Mr.. Editor, please tell 'em
what sort of a man / am.
If you see fit to kriticise my Show, speak
yeur mind freely. Tell the public in a can
did and graceful article that my shows
abound in moral and startlin curiosities, and |
o,,a NJ x,hs,fs, l. u,,,fh ha donhla r1ri0a
hay thus FAR spoke Of myself exclusively
ms a exhibitor.
was born in the State of Maine of pa
rents As infant | attracted great deal
Of attention. The naburs would stand over
my cradle for hours and say: "How bright
that little face looksl How much il nose j"
The young ladies would carry me round in
their arms, sayin was muzzer's bezzy dar-
lin, and n sweety, ETY. title ting. II was
nice, though l wasn't old enuff 70 properly |
appreciate H. I'm a healthy old darling 7
now.
have alters sustained good moral char
asaer. never was n railroad director in
my life.
Altho in early life did not inya'bly con-
fine myself TO truth in my small bills hav
been gradooally GROWN respectsbler and re-
spectabler every year. luy my children,
and never mistake another mans wife for
my own. Pm not member of any meetin
house, but firmly bleeve in meetin houses,
and shouldn't feel safe TO take a dose Of laud-
anum and lay down in the streets Of a vii
lage that hadn't any with thousand dollars
in my vest pocket.
My temperament is bilious, altho'
don't owe dollar in the world.
Il am early riser, but my wife is a
Presbyterian. l may add also that | am
bald headed. keep tive cows.
live in Baldinsville, Indianny. NY
next door nabor is old Steve Billins. I'll
tell you little story about Old Steve that
viii make You larf He jined the church
last spring, and the minister said: "You
must 60 home nov, Brother Billings, and
erect a family altar in your house; p where
upon the agregis old ass went home and built
a regular pulpit in his settin-room. He
had the jiners liz his house over four days.
i am Sc years Of age. Time with It's re-
ientles scythe IL ever busy. The old Sexton
gathers them in, be gathers them ini l
keep pig this year.
/ don't think Of anything more, Mr..
Ed'ter.
nyou should give my portrait in connec-
tion with my Bogfry, please have me en-
graved in a languashin attitood, leaning
on a marble pillar, leavin my back hair as
u Is now.
eNeHte Trcoly yours
ARTEMUs WARD.