The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1866-01-30
Secretary Seward the Happiest Man in All
Creation.

We once knew Wall street 6nancier who
conducted his immense business upon very
peculiar plan. Having determined that certain
stocks would rise or fall within given time, he
made his Investments, ordered his brokers TO
buy or sell when the market assumed this or
that phase, and then started off to enjoy himself
in his yacht or on the road, or in another city.
Dusing the interval which occurred between his
investments and the realization of his hopes
nothing could induce him to set foot in Wall
street. He was afraid that he might be excited
by the rumors constantly aaoat there; that he
might become frightened and withdraw from the
speculation; or that he might grow too bold and
venture further than heintended. Athousand cir
cumstances might arise to annoy and battle him
if he should remain at his office; but so long as
he kept away from Change and let things take
their own course he was safe, unless he had
greatly erred in his original schemes. Secretary
Seward seems to have initiated our friend the
tnancier. He has made his investments in
politics, in diplomacy, in Mexico In reconsruc.
ton, and in hundred other affairs, and no W he
has gone off to sea to wait until something is
declded by events. When he comes back he will
be ready TO go with the winning side, and in che
meantime he has escaped all the trouble, all the
confusion and all the labor of considering vexed
questions and making up his mind upon dis
puted points and embarrassing subjects. This
is a great Improvement upon Talleyrand's plan
of allowing his letters to answer themselves by
throwing them into drawer and not looking at
them for month. Secretary Seward allows his
whole Department to manage ITSELF ami is free
from all care and all responsibility in regard to
pelplexing matters of state.
We can imagine the iaunty Secretary smoking
his cigar and drinking his eau dc Ule between
the blue skies and in the balmy air of the Gulf
stream. The long, listless hours glide quietly
away, undisturbed by rumors OF wars or by the
hallbla nOlIticIans Tho m mr.
event OF the day is the dinner; and at night,
rocked in the cradle of the deep, the happy
Premier sleeps soundly and has no fevered
dreams. When tired OF phIlosophic medita-
tions upon the past and future OF the country,
he can crack Jokes with the captain or listen
TO the sea slang OF the crew. So long as the
sun shines and the waves are not large enough
to occasion inward qualms the Secretary has
no cause TOR uneaslDess. or the occurrences
OF the present, outside of his snip, he is In
blissiul ignorance. The radicals may rage and
rave; but he hears nothing OF their clamor. A
strange sail on the horizon of more interest to
hm than an lmpudenC despatch from Drouyn de
Lhuys or Congressional resolution. No one
asks him for an oflice, and he has no patronage
TO bestow, except an occasional cigar or glass
OF grog, which may tall to the share OF favorite
hliddy. He thinks more OF black cloud than
of the black race, and more of the barometer
than of public sentiment There are no morn
ing papers 10 atfllct him with the news; and,
since nobody knows where he is, there is no
ence. If he had gone up IN balloon he could
not be mere completely out OF this
busy, bustling, anxious, energetic world, nor
more Indifferent TO ITS proceedings Our
Minister NAV be withdrawn from England; we
may declare war with France; MaXlml ian may
evacuate MeXlco-it is all one to Secretary
Seward. The radicals or the conservatives may
rule; the South may be declared in the Union or
out oil 1t; President Johnson may be sustained or
condemned by Congress-the Secretary drinks
his Burgundy, and knows nothing about it. He
is more troubled because his cigar will not draw
than about any ofour affairs. Matters III which we
take the utmost interest have no concern for
him. Instead OF puZzlng himself about dip'o-
matte precedents, he is only bothered because
he cannot remember the names OF the ships
ropes. We doubt whether the yard-arm sug-
gests JEFF. Davis, or whether he ever remembers
that arbitrator except with the mlldest ge-
niality. 1t is all sea, and sky and sunshine, and
good living and peaceful contemplation with the
joval Secretary. In the world, but not OF it,
with all its comforts and more of its cares, we
may safely pronounce Mr.. Seward the happiest
man in all creation.
While the Secretary of State is thus TRANQUILITY
ahoat the political agitation at Washington is at
its height; but he is notobliged to take any part
in it, nor to side with one party or the other.
The President is laboring hard to reconstruct
the Union, and the radicals are endeavorlng to
tear down the Presidents work; but Mr.. Seward
ls ignorant OF the Presidents efforts and the
plots OF the radicals. More disinterested than
Davy Crocketts wife during the celebrated COM
bat between her husband and the bear, he not
only does not care which wins, but he will not
even stay to see the fight There will be time
enough 10 decide upon his course when he
comes back; for this delightful cruise must have
an end .ome day. He knows himself to be Sc
cure of his official position 30 long as he stays
away from Washington; for the President cannot
possibly notify him of his dismissal from the Ca.
binet. 1t is impossible to remove a Secretary
who thus shrewdly removes himself by putting
out TO sea, bound for no port, and uncertain
when he will return. OF all the games which
the willy Premier has play during his frolic-
some existence, this tldine over all difficulties
by an ocean excursion is the neatesU and most
clever. He fully realizes the idea of the old
joker who desired to be knocked into the middle
of next week because he had a heavy note 10
pay on the morrow. By the time that Mr.. Seward
returns to official life undoubtedly something
will have happened, and he will be ready to
take adYantake OF it at once. II the negroes
are allowed to vote; 1t France withdraws from
Mexico; If the Southern delegates are admitted;
ii the Republican party is broken up; if the
President is heartily sustained; if Stanton is
turned out Of the Cabinet; if new civil war is
/ inaugurated; If half a dozen constitutional
| amendments are adopted; if England pays the
Alabama damages; if Secretary McCulloch re-
! stores specie payments, why, very good; il not,
| then very good also. Mr.. Seward will land from
| his trip political Captain Jack Bunsby,"
although he lett us political "Mcawbef," )"
! to wait for something TO turn up. We con-
gratulate him upon his present happy deliver
ance from the doubts and dangers which per-
| pleX those who have chosen to remain and
see the country through this important crisis;
| and although we cannot recommend his eX-
| ample to other Cabinet officers, we may vet
envy his calm serenity and sweet repose. But
we forget that congratulations and denuncia-
| tions, praise and blame, envy and admiration,
| are alike lost upon the waYe-rocked Secretary.
A6oat and free, like the rover in the song, he