Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1866-09-21
inc .sDIstinguIshed lawyer"

HE "DlSthmHhtSmeOA AAhWyCEs
EDITORS ONO STATESMAN:
The Journal with the "distlnguished
lawyer" at its head, seems inclined to the
belief that it has an unlicensed right to
personally abuse everybody who does moi
accept the radical theory OF negro suffrage,
and negro worship. :,
Now, laying aside all prejudice, and all
reference to the soupes of that paper, we
will consider this distinguished lawyer
for a moment, and see If persons who live
In glass houses, can throw as many stones
at other peoples windows as they please
It is a very well-known fact to the commu-
niry here, that several years ago, laying
aside his clerkly pen, he emerged from
some obscure corner of the State House,
and stuck up his shingle as lawyer, and
piled his vocation diligently, until he ar
rived at the enviable eminence of protest.
ing notes for the franklin Bank, and never
had ANYTHING else to do but that, during all
the time his distinguished" services were
offered to the public-at least nothing to
the knowledge Of the Bar here, who would
likely have known the fact had such
Phoenix arisen amongst them.
The next incident of his lie was
windfall in the shape of an appointment as
Lieutenant Colonel of a regiment OF 1n-
IH0ITl, OUltlutu ny w ONNHN
Swayne, but was afterwards degraded to
Major and went in amongst the hills,
somewhere, to fight rebels, where he dis
appeared, and was forgotten. After long
absence and much hard service, in draw
Ing his pay aud rations, he reappeared-
flushed, actually flushed, and had long
account published in the Journal OF a skir-
mish in which he had been engaged ian
tellin'" how brave he was. He had procured
an extra leave ofabsence, aud reposed upon
his laurels.
This was the last heard of him, until he
emerged from the hills again, and, through
the influence of his potent friend. was bre-
vetted, and putting his little savings, &c,
together, bought into the journal, where, as
editor, brave officer, and distinguished
lawyer" he considers himself licensed to
use any quantity of personal vituperation
against others.
But this is not all he lately had an idea.
1t was, that he ought to be Secretary OF
State, and, therefore, wanted to be nomln-
ated by the Republicans, and even went so
far, and labored so hard for it, as to pull the
wool over the eyes of some backwoods ed
itor and have himself pronounced a
''distinguished lawyer" 1t is doubtful
IL that poor editor so shockingly abused,
VIII CNSl lONONOA AiOhh eAN
He walks within tho days full glare. .
A darkened man. Whereer he comes
All shun him. Children peep and stare,
Then, frightened, seek their homes.
But the Republicans having gentleman
in that Office, thought best not 10 set him
aside, and go aroun picking up such small
things, especially when they were not
worth carrying, so the distinguished law
yer" dropped back into his den, not to be
seen any more, unless it Is to 'holler"
"ioOl" or "cOppelh head" at somebody else,
and dodge back in the dark.
The fact in regard to this particular ed
itor of the Journal is, that from infancy up
he has been atfe ted with disease known
as the ''softening of the brain;" and that
he has been failure in everything,
is not his fault, but simply because
of the watery tendency of bis brain
and the beefy tendency of his body; he
has never had, nor never will have an idea
above an oyster. A base ball item to him
is philosophy He stays awake as much
as possible, except when overcome by the
beef OH his stomach, to pen
base ball items. He is happy, though
mistaken man. Happy under the hallucina-
tion that beef engenders thought. 1t SIM
ply brings him sleep. AS he grows in
a e, his appetite increases, and his prOpen-
sity to sleep increases. II he lives long we
will have another Rip Van Wrinkle, with
this difference, that Rips sleep was unac-
countable, while the others will be natural
and expected. When Rip Van Wrinkle
awakened he rose and walked away. Com
ly, too indolent to rise, will pursue his
waking dream and lie and call beef! beef!
beef! Fresh from the slime and filth of
the Fred. Douglass and Parson Brown
low Convention, it might be expected they
would mould such soft material to suit
but decent people may con
sole themselves, although he may still make
strange noises and emit strong odors by
reason of his late connection, that if his
appetite continues, it will not be long be-
fore this distinguished lawyer" with all
his experience in matters of protest, will on
ly have time enough to cry between sleeps
for his darling BEEF!
COLUMBUS.