The Portland daily press., 1866-01-02

'A'' AoPA'o" oaAo, put L KNOW 'Zactly
now many there are in quart of good Monon-
gahela."
TS An old lady, when told of her husbands
death, exclaimed, "Wel, I do declare. our
troubles never come alone 1t amt week
since lost my best hen, and now Mr.. Thomp-
son has gone too, poor man."
GB~ A few days ago young school mistress
In the country was taking down the names and
ages OF her scholars, at the commencement of
the term. She asked little white-headed boy,
Bub, how old areyou? He said, "NIy name
amt Bub it's John" "WeI," said the school
mistress, s'what is the rest of your name pr
why, that's all the name I've got-iust john"
well, what is your fathers name 2" "You
needn't put pap's name down, he amt cummen
to school any; he's too big to go to school,
well, how old are you 2" II amt old at all, I
am young !"
GB There were three hours and a half lost
by you this morning." a superintendent said to
a tardy teacher. 81 was Only half an hour late !"
he replied. "True,' said the superintendent.
" but there were seven scholars waiting for
you"
VS. A certain eminent medical man lately
offered to publisher in Paternoster Row, a
Treatise on the Hand" which the worthy
bookseller declined, with shake of the head.
saying, My dear sir, we have too many treaties
ON our hands already"
l. BH Taking them one with another" said
the Rev. Sidney Smith, 81 believe INV eonere-
gation to be the most exemplary observers of
the religious observances, "for the poor keep all
the fasts, and the rich all the feasts."
VS. Gottschalk, at latest accounts, was Civ
ing musical entertainments at Lima and Callao.
AT his second concert in Lima, the crowd was
SO great that the building gave signs of not be-
ing able to sustain the weight, and at an exam
nation the next day the Structure was found
to have been SO much weakened as to be dam
gerous for third attempt
DR "A facetlous writer says:-"I have an
objection to had had,' But do not object to
five that's together, if wanted For instance.
tell you that that that that that man intro
duces, is superhuous''
SB Olive Logan says in the last number of
the New York Weekly Reuieao 81 wish to oh
serve, par pdrenthese, that 1 know of nothing
more hideous than that American and English
fashion OF two women hanging one ON each
| arm OF an unfortunate man, whose lower ex-
tremities being entirely hid by the joint &C.
ton OF the two hoop skirts, is made to look ex-
| actly like perambuiating Raphaelitic cherub
| minus Wings How much better the continent
tai custom of offering the arm to the elder la
| dy, the other taking hers, leaving man some
| freedom Of life ana limb, with a disengaced
arm to knock an intruder down in case of emer-
| gency." gSE tNfs G&ERf
Eg A Yankee was showing an Englishman
| the sights of Boston, and took him to Bunker
Hill. They stood looking at the splendid shaft,
when the Yankee said This is the spot where
! Warren fell p "Ah?" replied the Englishman.
evidently not posted up in local historical mat
tiers, "did it 'urt i'm much ?" The native looked
at him with the expression of fourteen fourth
OF Julys, in his countenance. Hurt him! ' he
exclaimed, she was killed, SIR" "Ahl e was,
eh ?" said the stranger, still cycling the monu-
ment and computing its height in his own
mind, layer by layer. 'Well, should think e
would ave been 'urt to fall so far" @
BB" The Boston Daily Aduertiser was the
only large paper in that city which did not, on
the decline of paper after its first rise, reduce
its price from five to three cents The Adyey-
tiser kept up its price, and now sees the advan-
tage of it, and the other papers, which did re-
duce,- talking OF raising again. At the
present price OF white paper newspapers can
not be afforded at less than five cents single.
| EY~ Gerrit Smith has commenced his. libel
suit against the Chicago Tribune laying his
damages at $4,000. e o9--'i Ha - "a, ~
| We are not responsible for the SANDER
of the following A parrot in confectionery
store, in Waterbury, Conn.,, has been taught to
say pretty creature" to each lady who enters
the store. The result is that the store is crowd
ed all day-to see the parrot, of course, not to
listen to its fattery. TO ~
EB- A man died in Canada East last week.
who on his death-bed, confessed to the murder
OF Mr.. Stafford, of shelburne, Vermont, about
twenty-five years ago. The murderer had re-
manned unknown until his confession g 45i
GB- A little daughter of Mr.. Alex. Benson,
of Fall River, Mass, fell into tub of hot wa
ter Thursday, and was fatally scalded. ,4
va The National Bank Note Company has
had the contract for furnishing government
stamps since 1861. During 1865, the company
has furnished four hundred million stamps,
and the demand has frequently exceeded a mill
lion and half perdiem.
20 The official stenographic report of the
proceedings in the Strong case takes up over
5000 ;olscap pages of manuscript. asuJ
gB- The physician attending upon Gov. Cur
tin in Cuba writes that the Governor is rapid
ly recovering his health. His malady was
distressing pain in the spine. That pain has
ceased, and the Governor has recovered the
use of his limbs. 1t is supposed that he will re-
turn some time in Jan.