Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1866-05-23
ga Purse Proud MiIIiOnaIre.', ,,
BY KoRN KoB, JUN.

--O~--N
I've done it, Mr.. Editor-rve struck
oil Ny fortune is made; Pm a purse
proud millionaire-a bloated aristocrat
Strike my name from the list of your
contributors Immediately. I write no
more for the Free PreSS-I aspire to higher
things. l see a brilliant future before
me. All the good things which oil can
command are mine-a house in town a
magnificent country seat on the Thames;
carriage and four, with a derrick and
oil barrel for coat of arms emblazoned on
the panels grand parties; champagne
white kids; roast turkey; patent leath-
ers ice cream broadeloth; the bon tons
making themselves perfectly at home in
my princely mansion low birth and pie
beisn blood all forgotten, washed out,
eradicated by the magic virtues of oil |
haven't come into possession of all these
blessings just yet, but they are coming.
see signs of them every day. Men of
wealth and station, who used to look
coldly on me, shake me codially by the
hand, and wonder how the duce they
could have been so long ignorant of the
fact that l was such a fine, genial, intelli-
gent, cultivated individual. NV wife has
received pressing invitations to take tea
with some of thefrst families in the city;
and several young men of good birth, but
poor expectations have become suddenly
aware of the fact that my daughters are
deVilish fne-looking girls. Just SO. As
the oil rises in the well, so mounts my
position in the social scale. Pm
equal to the emergency, however. Pm
preparing to adapt myself to my new DO
sition, schooling myself to be worthy of
the society in which Pm hereafter to
move. I've cut all my poor relations
cut them dead don't know them al all
never saw them before. If they call at
my house, have them shown round to
the kitchen door, and any attempt at fa-
miliarity on their part is frowned down
with the contempt it deserves. Perfectly
right and proper this proceeding on my
part, as every right-thinking man will see
cultivation and improvement the mem
bers OF the great Anglo Saxon race are
when they have the opportunity. 0hia a
Jolly hne thing is this oil, or, at least, the
money 1t represents. st. Paul said it was
the root OF evil but he had probably
been investing his patrimony in bad spec-
ulations when he gave it that definition.
and, therefore, his opinion could not
have been impartial. Money the root of
all evil, indeedI Not a bit of it. It's
the root of all good, the essence of all
that is perfect in this world, the beauti-
fer and purifier of all things 1t is the
key which unlocks the doors of the most
exclusive society. 1t whitewashes the
blackest character, hides the most gla-
ring defects, covers the graYest delin.
quencs. 1t makes the old appear young,
the ugly beautiful, illiterate boor cultiya-
ted and refined. Italters the entire contour
of face and figure; it changes wrinkles
into dimples; it suffuses the faded cheek |
with roses, gives the wateriest eye bril-
liant sparkle, and makes the veriest pug
nose OF purest Grecian mould. Let any
man who disputes these sentiments strike |
a thousand barrel oil well, and he will
come to my way of thinking inmedi-
ately!