Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1866-11-17
CHOICE MISCELLANY.
Nasty.
MIR. Nasty Dreams a Dream-A. johnson.
... .t King. g ..l.... .I-'

hAhhsss
From the Toledo Blade
CoNFEDRIT X ROADS, Stait ofKentucky.
t...'t October "a, 1866.
Dreams is only vouchsafed to persons
ut a imaginative and spiritooal nachcr uf
whom | am which. Their aint ANYTHING
gross or sensual about me that l know NV.
Troo, l eat pork, but that is to offset the
effex NV whisky, wich, eff twasn't coun-
teracted, wood make me entirely to ethe-
rial for this grovelin world. | eat pork
to restrain my eXuberant imaginashun
and enable me to come down to the dry
detail NV offishil life-to fit me for the
proper discharge NV my dooties ez Post
master. Whiskey lifts me above the po-
sishun-pork brings me back agin. It's
fat and greasy like the pay and peraui-
sites NV the Postmaster-it comes from
the most nasty, senseless and unclean NV
animals-like our commisshuns-in short.
recommend all Nv Johnson's Postmas-
fers to eat pork. It's their material diet
Last mite / partook NV a pound or so
too much, and ez a conscience, didn't
sleep well. While waz eatin, (noist-
min my lips with Louisville consolation,
the while,) | wuz amusin onto Stewards
question whether they wood hev John
son President or king, and while musin
l fell in 2 the arms OF Morfus NV mind
bust loose from the body and sored. Ez
l sunk to slumber the narrow room wich
is at onst my offs and dormitory. wi
dened and enlarged, the humble chairs
become suddenly upholstered in gorgus
style, the taller dip become multiplied in
to thousands NV gorgus chandilears, the
portrait NV his Highness, the President,
and the other Democrats on the wall be-
came alive. l comprehended the situa-
to wonst. Andrew Johnson had cut the
Gorjan knot with somebody's sword, and
he'd carried out his Policy to its material
concloosion. He wuz reignin under the
title NV Androo the /, and / wuz lin my
dreem of course) in his kingly halls.
1t wuz, methawt, a reception mite
His High Mightines wuz sitin onto
elevated throne, covered with red velvet
and studded with diamonds, and pearls,
and onyxs and other precious stones
onto his head wuz a crown, and he wuz
enveloped into a robe NV black velvet,
his nose and the balance Nv his face gleam-
in out like a fash NV Eghtenin from a
thunder cloud. Lyin PROSTATE at the foot
NV the throne, doin the offs Nv a footstool,
wuz Charles Sumner, wuns Senator, wich
wuz typikle NV the complete triumph we
he'd won over our enemies, while doin other
menial offices about the halls, wuz Wade,
Wilson, Fessenden, Sherman and others
who he'd opposed the change from Re
public to Kingdom, They wuz cloth
ed in a approprit costoom, knee brecches
and sich, and presented pecoolyerly
imposing appearance.
Carriages containing the nobility be-
gan to arrive, and as they entered, the
Grand High Lord Chamberlin NV the
Pals, the Marks Won Randall announct
em. "Dook de Davis" wuz eiackelatid,
and Jeffson entered. "EarI Won Toombs,
Sir Joseph Johnston, Marks de Boure-
gard, Count de Pollard, and so forth.
Noticin that the titles he'd heard wuz
mostly tackled to Southern men, / asked
Giddy Welles, who wuz standin by, why
it wuz thus, and he sed that Northners
wusn't reely fit for it. We wuz, he sed,
a low, growing race, and coodent adapt
ourselves to the habits NV nobility. The
South wuz shivelrus and Good do it.
They wus given to tournaments and sich
they he'd got, accustomed to circus
clothes and Good wear sword without
its getting awkwardly between their legs.
Northern men, SIGH ez were faithful, wuz
allowed to bask in the smiles NV royalty,
but it wuz in sich posishuns ez sooted
their capacity. He, for instance, he'd
charge of the royal hen yard, a position
witch he bleeved he filed to the entire
satisfaction of his beloved and royol mas
ter. He he'd now four hens settin, each
on four eggs, and he hoped in the course
OF two years, eff there waz no adverse cir
to hev fresh eggs for the roy
al table. 1t wuz position NV great re-
sponsibility, and one which weighed up
on him. Seward wuz privy counsler,
Doolittle wuz Steward NV the Household,
and Thurlow Weed wuz keeper NV the
Kings revenue, and wuz doin very well
,uHaa1