Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1866-05-09
The Fist Ice Cream.

Suiuo
Let me sleep in my woodland grave!
The Fist Ice Cream.
If we know to whom, or to what, to Civ
credit, for the following hit, we would Ger
| tainly do it. 1t cones to US without any IN
tiInation of its origin, and we give it plac
as ludicrously Characteristic. It purports Il
be. sAn account of Ethan Spikes First ant
Last Visit to Portland
"Portland is the all firedst place eve
seed. / was going down there in '63, to SCI
a little about my goin' to the Legislator, ane
such time as had you never heer'd tell on
Did ever tell you about the ice cream scrap'
I had"
We answered in the negative, aud he re
sumed.
.Wall, I'd bin down thar two Or three day
pokin' in every hole, an thot I'd seed every
thing that was to be seen. But one dn,
towars' sun down I was going by shop II
Middle street that looked wonderful slick
there was all manner Of candy aud perper
mints an what nots OF the windows. Ant
then thar war signs with goold letters OIL t
them, hangin' round the door, tell II wthe.
sold Soda, Mead, an Ice Cream thar. say
to myse.f, have heern good deal shout thi
ere ice cream, an now if don't see wha
they's made Of. So puts my hands into IN.
pockets. am walked in kinder careless, an
Saws to chap standin' behind the c"unter-'
| "Do you keep any ice cream h'reE
"Yes sir" says he, how much Ill yoI
have2"
/ considered mint. says ia pint sir
Tine Young feIlar.s face sWelIed out. but ar
ter q uhiIo ho -aoLed- -
"Did you say pint sir"
aSarlin', says !, "but p'raps you don't re-
tail. so don't mind takin' quart
Wall don't you think the feller snorteo
right out. Tell yer what, it made me fee
sort bison, an gave him look that made
him look sober iu about q mint; an when
clinch'l my 6st, and looked so at iim, (heie
Mr.. Spike favored us with most dlsholica
expression lie hauled 10 bis horns about th'
quickest, an handed ME pint q The stun a.
perlitc as could be. Wall, tasted mouta
ful of it, and found it cool as the north sid'
o Bethel hill in January. I'd half mind t
spit out. but lest then seed the c"nler'ione
chap grinning behind the door, shicb riz IN.
spunE. Gall smash it all, thinks I'll no
let that white lifer'd monkey think L afear'
I'll eat the plagues stuff if it freezes m
inards. tell yer what, I'd rather skinn'd
bear or whip'd. wild cat, but went it.
eat tae whole in about mint"
aWall, in about quarter of an hour / be
gan to feel kinder gripy about here" ccntln
ued Ethan, pointing to the lower parts of hi
stomach, aau' kept on feelin' no better fast
till at last it seemed as though I'd got
steam ingen sawin' shingles in me. | SO
down on q cheer, and bent myaclf mp like
nut-cracker, thinkin' Id grin and bear il;
but I couldn't set still twisted an'
souirmed about like an angle worm on
hook, till at last the chap as gin me the cream
who had been looking on snici;erip' says h
to me.
"Mister," says he, " what ails yer?" /.
4 &c Ails me m says I, /" that ere stuff O. your
is Geeziu' Up my daylights, says I.
0You eat too pluch," says he.
al tell yer didn't" screamed L" ! knc'
what's anutf an what's too much withoq
sskiu' you, an if you don't leave off snicker
in III spiie your face"
He cottoned right doyp, and s.aid be di
not mean any hurt, and asked the if I ha
not better take some gin, ] told hrm would
So took pretty good horn and lelt the shop
"After got out" continued Ethan,
felt better for mint or So, but hadn
gone fur afore the gripes took me agin; so
went into another shop, an took some NOR
gin; then sot down on the State Hous
steps. an there sot an sot, but didn't feel
mite better. begun to think ! was agoir
10 kick the bucket, an then I thought 9
father an mother, and Of old Spanier-that'
father's old hoss-and when thought that
should never see 'em again, fairly blubbereo
But then happened to look up an see
dozen bows grinnin' and larfn' at ma, ! te
yer what it riz my dander, that had &c
down below nero-rite up again. sprGI5
,em like wild cat, hollerirg out Id shak
| their tarnal gizzards out, an the way the M
tie devils scampered was caution to nobody
But after the 'citement of the race was oVel
I felt wus again an 1 couldn't help sruntln
and screechin' as vent along.
AT last thought I'd go to the theatre. bu
afore got there the gripei got so strong tina
I had to 90 behind meetin house and IL
down and boiler. Arter while ] got up an
went into aSuop ouu GOV u"'.
with of billed isters with four picked COW
.cumbers and wound up with glass OF bran
dy. Then went into the theatre and see
Tie plays, bat felt so, that / couldn't sc
auy fun in 'em, foy ! don't think the lister
and the cowcumbers done me eny good.
sot down, laid down, and stood up, but still
went grippe, gripe. groan'd all the time, al
once in a while I was obliged to scrcec
kinder cosy, Everybody stared at me an
somebody called on! "turn him out" ono
or twice. But at last, as the niger othell
was goin' to put the piler On his vits's tee
to smother her, there cum such twin
through me. that l really thought | wa
burstin' up and yelled OUT, "Oh, dear? oi
sciss rs r. so loud that the old theatre run
again Such row you never seed; the nis
ger dropped tie pillow, and Deuteronomy
or what you call her there-bis wife, Junp,s
off the bed and run, while everybody IN IN J
. theatre was all up in nuss, SOME larua IA
some swearin'. The upshot of it Yas' u
perl,ce carried me out Of the theatre, an
told me to make myself scarce.
Wall, as j didn't feel any better, wei
into shop close by an called for two glass;
4 as brandy; atteF sgalleriu it ! Went holl
to thu tavern. / sot doNn by the: winder q
] 80 o., ,hi,1r Esft a,,.Ifa7 hat it Vas no gz