The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-10-31
FACETiE.

4 CALIFORNIA paper notices the birth
of child, with one arm under peculiar
circumstances" Queer place for an
arm.
A TENNESSEE radical killed his dog
for barking at old Brownlow. The dog
would have died anyhow.
A RADICAL editor says that Carl
Schurz was "scarred in the war;"
"Scarred" should be spelled in this case
with an less.-Louisrille Journal.
AN old lady once complained to her
doctor that she could scarcely breathe.
''Don't try, my good SOUL" replied the
candid physician; "nobody wants you
to do it,"
do you think that raw oysters are
healthyW asked lady of her physician.
ayes" he replied, ~ never knew one
to complain of being out of health in
my life"
AFTER Queen Emma had visited
Greenwood Cemetery, she remarked,
"Your people live so fast l wonder they
find time to bury their dead so superb
~"
IT is proposed to light the streets of
a certain village with red-headed girls.
Quadrat, Of Lexington Gazette, says il
he lived there he'd play tipsy every
night and hug the lampposts.
JANE: "Charles, dear, now that we
are married, you know, we must have no
secrets. So do, like dove, hand me
that bottle of hair dye; you will find it
in my dressing case"
A GENTLEMAN in Michigan asked a
squaw If her papoose, which was quite
white, was not half-breed, whereupon
she replied: mo, not Q drop Of white
blood about it-half Indian and half
Missionary"
HOEAc GREELEY and John Norrissey
are competitors for q seat in Congress
from the Fourth District of New York,
An Exchange alludes to this o. COM
bination Of philosophy and "phists."
"How came such . greasy mess in
the oveni" said . fidgety spiuster to
her maid Of all work. "Why," replied
the girl, "the candles fell into tho wa
ter, and I put them into tho oven to
dry"
A YOUNG lady said to her beau, as
she hold . pot Of hot water in her hand,
"promise to marry me, or I'l scald you."
Throw the water" no replied, II
had rather be scalded once then every
day in my life"
IT is related that the clerk Of . rural
church in England recently made the
following announcement to the congre-
CATION:
"You are desired to attend . meeting
in the vestry, at four o'clock, to eonsid-
er on the means of eating the church,
and to digest other matters"
HARD on MR. BUREAU.-One of the
"Burea" officials, while travelling last
week in the cars in Alabama, noticed q
lady with o negro girl in attendance,
and he remarked: MADAM, see You
have one of my children"
ayes, sir" replied the lady, 81 per-
ceive the resemblance
A slight tittering was observed in
that part of the car, and the "Bureau"
left.
A POOR fisherman offered his only old
saucepan for sale; his children gather
ing around him, inquired why he did 50.
"Ah, my honeys,a said he, "sure 1
wouldn't be after partin' wild it, if it
wasn't to get some money to buy some
thin to put in it." ss.4s r,
"WHAr is the difference between oc-
cupstion and businessr Difference
there is none" "Oh, yes there is; III
give you an instance: Naximilisn's
taking possession Of Mexico il an occu-
patton, isn't itfv "Y0.n "Well, he
hasn't any business there, has hep
Nh. PoPf, of Popville, fancying him
self to be very popular With his lady
love, popped the question" to her nm
der the poplar tree, when abe referred
him to her poppy, who, when asksd
for his consent, 1sboring under the In
fuence Of ginger pop, popped him out
Of the door to the tune Of "pop goes
the weasel