Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-05-17
FUN, FACTS AND FACETIE.
Why is doll like Jelly ?-Because it
made with eyes in glass

Why is doll like Jelly ?--Because it is
made with eyes in glass.
A man who was boasting that there new
/ er any rope or cord whether made of hemp
wire, any thing else in which he could not tie
a double bow knot, was summarily put down by
being requested to tie knot in a cord of wood.
/ A Michigander, who was arrested for
stealing goose, said he found the bird kissing at
the American flag, and arrested it for treason.
"Pat, can We tell me why winter is like
! dog?" Faith, Mick, | can't" ''Well, thin it's
bekase of the coldness of its nose Gts snows)."
When is blow from a lady welcome .
! When she strikes you agreeaby.
REAL ENTHUsnsM-Pumps is such a
! thorough teetotaler thht he declares he would
rather prefer wately grave than be preserved in
! spirits.
A COVERT MEANING.-What is the differ
ence between hunt and hot breakfast I'm the
latter you come to the cover before the meat
In the former to the meet before the cover.
WHEN is a sailor most like thief?--
| When he takes messmate's watch.
A minister having preached the same
discourse 10 his people three times, one of his
constant hearers said to him after service Doe
tor, the sermon you gave us this morning having
had three several readings, l move that it now be
passed.
MILITARY DEFINITION FOR A KIss.-Report
at headquarters.
AN Irishman being in a church where the
collection apparatus resembled elec ion boxes on
its being handed to him, whispered in the carriers
ear that he not naturalized and could not
vote.
civilian, my son, how came you to
muddy your dress so?"
Willie stopped moment, chen, looking his IA
ther in the eye, very soberly asked:
Father, what am l made OFF,"
% Dust The Bible says Dust thou art and
unto dust thou shall return 1"
well, father, if I'm dust how can 1 help being
muddy when it rains on me?"
A little keen, bright eyed girl of four
years, on a visit one evening, was being helped to
| the knee of gentleman friend and on being told
by her mother that she was too large baby to
hold, retorted almost Immediately, accompanying
her words with an emphatic gesture, why, girls
nineteen years old sit on laps, and you wouldn't
call them babies, would you?"
"Your whiskers are unprofessional," said
a client to his legal adviser ''Why so?' "Be-
cause lawyer can never be too barefaced."
A New INvENrIoN-The latest invention
is 'palpitating bosom" for the ladies, which is
set in motion by concealed spring when an extra
display of 'emotion" is required.
The ruling PAssIoN.--A great financial
reformer is so devoted to figures that when he has
nothing else to do he casts up his eyes
A railway accident lately occurred caused
by the axle of tender giving way, OBTAINING the
train several hours. lady inquired of gentle
man passenger why it was so delayed; he gravely
replied MADAM, it was occasioned by what is
often followed by serious consequences-the sud-
den breaking of tender attachment"
WHEN are soldiers like blacksmiths p
When they are drilling and filing.
A gentleman, talking to another on the
subject of marriage, made the following observa-
ton II first saw my wife in storm carried
her to ball in a storm; courted her in Storm
married her in a storm lived in storm all her
life but, thank heaven, buried her in pleasant
weather"
Why is the James River like a keg of
lager beer because it flows into the Dutch Gap.
care them all Bibles ?" asked country
man the other day in theregistrar office, pointing
to the big volumes of wills upon the shelves. mo
sir answered one of the clerks, those are eSta-
ments."