Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1866-08-25
First Lesson in the Art Of Wife Tanning.


First Lesson in the Art Of Wife Tanning,
The following excellent and reliable
method of wife tanning is an extract from
APersimmon Papers" seaf &kE&ef
20 At supper her health must be proposed
by the spokesman Of the party, and
when she retires ready 10 drop" with
suppressed exasperatiou, you must all
stand up, and, forming double lines,
allow her to pass from the room through
an. svenne OF those whom she will regard
has the greatest brutes she ever met
with. Continue wine and revelry unit
morning has far advanced, and when
you retire to rest, expecting to find her
asleep, you will see pale figure with
sunken cheeks sitting up in bed Don't
give way be firm, if ever you can be so,
at this moment Now viii commence
your first curtain. lecture in the Caudle
style, thus:
DO you think i ever would have mar
yried, if my house were to be turned into
a tavern, into pot.house3 I'm sure all
the place won't be sweet for month
All the curtains are poisoned with smoke,
and IN uch more, with the fithest 1 ever
knew. Take EN- down then. Yes, it's
all very well for you to say take EN-
down; but they were only put up q
month agol But a caretull wife i lost
upon you. You ought to have married
somebody who'd have let your house go
TO wreck and ruin, as will in the future.
4 Sand what condition the carpets in
They We taken five pounds out of it, if .
farthiug, with their filthy boots, and !
don't know what besides And then the
smoke in the hearth-rug, and Il large c:n-
der hole burned in IL, L never saw such
a house in my life. Ha aud you call
your selves the lords OF creatoni i
should IKE to see what would become of
creation if you were left to yourselves!
A pretty pickle creation would be IN
very soo,il N W eEgfgr
You must have allNbeen in nice
condition What do you say? You
Itoekss nothingF Took nothing,g didn't
.you n m sure there's such a regiment
Of bottles, haven't had the heart to
count EN-. And punch, too You must
have had punchl There is q hundred
half lemons in the Kitchen, if there's
one;c for Susan, showed EN- to me. No,
sir3 Susan shan't leave the house What
do you say? She has no right to tell
lies, and You will be master OF your own
house Will your If you don't alter,
Won 4 soon have. no house to'be master
OF. A whole loaf of sugar did j leave in
the cupboard, and now there isn't as
much as would fll teacup. Do you
suppose I'm to find sugar for punch for
fifty men? What do you say : There
wasn't ffty2 That no matter, the more
shame for EN-, sir. I'm sure they drank
enough for fifty. 81
"Do you suppose out of my house
keeping Hmito lfbd punch for. all the
worldY YOU don't ask ,neI You do;
you know you dos, for, il Only ask a
shilling extra the whole house is ablaze
And yet whole loaf of sugar can you
throw .away yppou ~-TTiE No, / won't De
stiil and Iwon't let yon'go to sleep. Ii
you had come to bed at a proper hour
YOU would have been asleep by now
You can sit up half the night with
pack of people who don't care for youe
and your poor wife can't get in a word I
" And there's that china imageTl
would not have taken any sum OF money
for it, and you know it, and how do | fiad
it? With its precious head knocked of !
You knew nothing about it ? Now, how
can you lay there in your Christian bed,
and say chat You know that fellow
with the big whiskers knocked of IT'S
head with the poker
You know that he dd2 And you
hadn't the feelings--yesi l will say it
you hadn't the feelings TO protect what
you knew was precious to me. Oh, no
if the,truth was known, you were glad TO
see it broken for that very reason.
Every way have been insulted.
should likeeto know who 1T was that
corked my dear aunt,s picturel oh
you're laughing are you You're not
laughing 2 . Don't tell me that / should
like to know what shakes the bed then,
if you re not laughing ri
The worthy lecturer will reeGne bn
her pillow about this stage, when she
will soon fall under the effects Of every
material part of the treatment; you must,
while she is sitting up and pouring out
thu 1ttrrauce OF her over burdeneh 1
heart, have enlptied a small phial of
chlofOiorm upon her pillow on the slie
fartherest from you, and to which lot
course, she viii turn. And this hartn-
less, and humane method, which viii
give rest to two persons at once, mast
berepeated as often as she commences
her Nocturnal discourses.