American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1866-04-18
NUMBER 10
WxT AND wxsDpM

'io case' II gentleman ask
ed crowd to imbibe the other day.-
they were all of one mind and partook
-"Deal gently with the (h)errine,"
as the Cockney fish-dealer said to a Gus
TONER
"A wag says of women "To her
virtue we give love to her beauty, ad
miration; and her hoops the whole pave.
ment"
Why is a constant attendant at auc.
.tion an unpleasant fellowY Because he's
forbidden.
GA bird in hand is worth two in the
bush" AS for us, We had rather have
two turkey buzzards IN the bush than
one in the hand.
A very volatile young lord, whose
conquests in the female world we're mum.
berless, at last married. "Now, my lord"
said his wife, 81 hope you'll memo" -
Madam said he, "this is my last fol
ly,"
Science does more for the brute than
the man. Pigs, attacked by the most
fatal disorders, are frequently cured after
death.
Why is generous man a good Chris
tad Because he's for-giving.
"A conductor out West recently de-
manded two tickets Of the Simese twins,
but the twins insisted they were one, and
as the conductor couldn't eject one with
out the other he had to let them pass.
The first and greatest thing in rhet-
oric is to have something to say
-"Out of sight, out of mind" We
don't see it. We lost our wallet the 9th
er day aud it hain't been out of our mind
since.
An invalid once sent for physic-
ian, and after OBTAINING him for some
time with description of his pains aches,
etc, he thus summed up. "Now, doc
tor, you have humbugged mo too long
with your good for nothing pills and
worthless sirups; they don't touch the
real difficulty. Iwish you now to strike
at the cause Of my ailments, if it is in
your power to reach it," at shall be
done, " said the doctor, at the same time
lifting his cane and dcmolishng decan-
ter Of gin that stood on the side board
"A clergyman was addressing his
hearers with some warmth regarding the
| great power which the devil exercises
over the minds of men generally, and
just as he had come to climax OF this
point bewildered dog, which had en-.
tered the church in search Of his master,
uttered loud bark, when, with flash
Of his eye, and giving the Bible board
tremendous thump, the reverend gentle
men exclaimed, "Ah, yes, my friends
the foul fend is so bent on recruiting his
ranks that he has sent that dog in here
to-day to interrupt my speaking and car.
ry away your minds"
-"Do you believe in the appearance
of spirits, father?" asked rather fast
young man Of his indulgent sire. "No,
Tom, but | believe in their disappear
ance, since | missed my bottle of Bour-
bon last night" said the old gentlemen,
looking hard at Tom But Tom didn't
seem to take the hint, although it wa,
evident he had taken the Bourbon.
"A gallant officer having been asked
by the fair daughter ofs prominent phil
anthropist whether he was an abolition
ist, replied, ~ am more than an aboli-
ZIONIST; for ever since | frat met you,
Miss j, have been slave"
California has long been celebrated
for "big things" animal and vegetable,
and the following adds to the list
Before Justice F., at San Juan,
Nevada County. was brought Hibern-
an, charged with assault ond battery up
on fellow countryman. Many witness
es were examined and, finally, Jimmy
C was called to the stand.
"Mr. c., state what you know about
this case"
"Well, your Honor, Barney and Pat
rick had bit of quarrel about some
wood they had been cutting. They
were standing near the wood pile in front
of the house, and after jawing little
Barney picked up bit Of a silver, and
give Patrick little tap on the head, and
he went over on to the wood -pile-and
that was all there was about it."
JUSTICE r "You say Barney
hit Patrick on the head with bit of
silver. What kind of silver was
that 7"
We'll, your honor, twas small thing
"a bit Of chip"
But we want to know how big it was;
give US your idea OF the size Of it,