The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-11-12
zone through I went to the bedroom to

TtCOuStTuCt. OldCAOuo! ny naechhoii
had got under my left ear, making me
look as if some ugly man of sin had
lifted ME one with brass knuckles and
forgot to take it home with him, while
my beautiful front hair resembled a
garden full of pea vines after a hurri-
cane. But Iretained my composure and
went out to become tho center of at
traction.
"My dear Sally"
"Precious Sallyw
"Little Sally Squiggle, sure enough !"
$50 glad you cum HUMP
'Neow, dew tell us all abeout it W
Mrs. Sniveller was made chairman,
and the following resolutions were adop-
ted:
Resolred, That this shall be called the
Buttonville Benevolent Baby Associa-
tiOn.
Resolred, That Mrs. Sniveller be, and
hereby are, our President.
Rcsolred, That our aim is to help the
down-trodden, and bed-ridden daugh-
tiers of Ham, now in the clutches Of that
vile people, and to this end every men,
Der of the B. b. B. make one little fan
mel shirt n week, and Sally SquigIe shall
tell us the size.
Resolred, That we open and close our
society with prayer.
Res0lred, That each one of the MEM
bers invite some man to go home with
her at night.
(Here l was about to object for fear OF
exposure, but for fear of exposure l
didn't obiect.-Sdlly.)
After the society was organized, L
was kept so busy answering questions
that / came near not finishing the baby
envelope was working on, and should
not, had / not took long stitches, as peo-
pie do in benevolent sewing!
Mrs. Sniveller said:
"Now, Sally, amt that ere Southern
people the hatefullest people the world
did ever sect Cousin Joe, who went
down as a sutler, brought home two
trunks of the proudest silks, laces, jew
elry that was real gold, and set with
purity stones that was real diamonds,
and worth q power Of money. He found
them in bureaus, trunks, closets and
sich places. The sneaking coward men
had gone off to help kill our good peo-
pie, and the woman were at work in the.
hospitals, and all John had to do was
to whip a lot of little children, and
help himself. l know them ere folks
are a wicked, mean ungrateful set, and
ought to be killed.
Mrs. Puritan wanted to know il it
was true that the people Of the South
actually did cook billed dinners on Sum
dayi If they did, she really hoped her
cousin in Congress would pass law
that whenever a man in the South
cooked billed dinner on Sunday, he
should be hung up before dinner, ana
his billed dinner should be sent North
Mrs. Pinchbeck hoped the war would
90 on until there was no moro end OF
nothing. For her part, it was all stuff
about people suffering during the war.
Her Josiah had contract and made
two hundred thousand dollars the first
year; and her brother, Reverend Peak
nose Hanter, came back from the war.
where he had periled his precious life
eating preserves so they would not
hurt sick soldiers, he brought home
more than fifty gold watches, and the
incest gold-clasp Bible, which was now
used every Sunday i'll one of the Button
vile churches.
Mrs. Squeak said the people OF the
South were nothing but lnurderers, Tor
when her brother, Colonel Fibre Hunter,
was out in field, doin' nothin', killin
doin' nothin' but just seein' how
much cotton an army team could draw,
so he could tell if it was q good team,
some cowardly gorilla shot hole clean
him, and wouldn't even send
his clothes home for Jedediah to wear
out! And she hoped if another war
ever did come, some of them sinful men
of the West would go down and do it to
'em agin, not that she cared so much for
her brother, but she wanted them air
clothes for her Jedcdiah.
Mrs. Cockeye said she hoped there
would be hull passel of wars, for her
cousin, her dear, good cousin, Benjamin
1.-THE Beast, y had made lots of money in
the late war, and had supplied nearly
all her relatives with spoons, watches,
silver ware, &C., and said it was right
the war should go on, for her cousin
was safer in the war than afore court
of Justice even, and said it was Chris
tian duty to let all Christian wars be
continnered so long rs there was any
body to continner 'em.
Mrs. Sniveller here spoke again:
"Well, l don't care no how. The
South should be fought. What right
had they to have cotton picked by mig
gers without asking our consenti And
they were rich. And they had nice
things. And we believe niger baby
is of more account than white pauper
in the North. And my husband, Deacon
Sniveller, wants more bones to make
buttons of-he'll sell the buttons to the
South and West, and they will have to
ask us New England Christians for the
privilege of wearing out their own
bones"
Bv this time tea was ready. We had
n good tea. Such curious silver-ware;
old style, pure silver; didn't taste
brassy bit; and all of us ladies tasted
all the silver dishes to see! And such
q lot of spoons! Each one Of us had at
our plates a spoon with our initials on.
Mrs. Sniveller had barrel of silver
spoons, and hunted them over till she
found our regular initials in regular
order! Oh! it was so nice! And we
piled all the shirts up in chair, and
put bible rescued from the wicked
South on the top of the pile, and then
Rev. Mr.. Slammer came in and made a
prayen while Mrs. Daywler, on a nice
piano, played that patriotic
piece of music:
John Browns body lies mouldering in the
grave.
John Browns body lies mouldering in the
grave.
John Browns body lies mouldering in the
Glory! glory! Hallelujahl
After which, the Buttonville B. B
Society of Buttonville, Commonwealth
of Massachusetts,, adjourned till next
Thursday, when / am going again, If
they don't find out that Sally S. Quig-
giles is
That hOrrid
"BRIcK" PoMERoY.
From the Clarksburg Conservative@