Clarksville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1865-1867, 1866-06-29
Wit Axp nUMoR.

% NJ -
Deacon A., while passing through his
lot the other day, stopped down 10 We his.
thoe. A pet ram, which the boys had
tanned, among other things wac taught to
regard the posture as highly offensive. He
instantly pitched into the old gentleman's
undefended rear, and laid him full length In
smud.hois. Picking himself up, the deacon
discovered the cause Of his overthrow stand
ing in all the calmness and dignity Of Il con-
scious victor. His rage was boundless, and
he saluted him with the sneJetic language
/" You d------d old rascall''
At that moment he caught a glimpse Of the
benign face Of the minister" peering
through the fence, and Instantly added
"If may be allowed the expression"
THE DEVIL RIeHr."-A prosy lsy-mem-
Der Of the church rose in the meeting and
said:
My friends, the devil and I have been
fighting for more than twenty minutes. He
told me not to speak tonight, but deter
minee would. He said some Of the rest
could speak better than !, but still felt that
/ could not keep silent. He even whispered
that ] spoke too often, and thst nobody
wanted TO bear me, but was not to be put
down that way--and now ] have gained the
victory, must tell you all that is in my
heart. Then followed tedious harangue.
Coming out of the session room, the good
pastor inclined his head 30 that bis mouth
approached the ear Of the militant member
and whispered. Brother, think the devil
was right
An old gentleman from the country stop
ped at 6rst-class hotel in New York, and
wrote home that bis room was six stories
high and his bill was three stories higher
than his room.
wantedi The evening of the Deg Of Al
gisrs anda blast from Cape Horn.
MISSED Hrs CnAgcE.--A Yankee minister,
who has been chaplain in the army, says
when he Hrst read Mr.. Lincoln,s emancipa-
ton proclamation, che was carried to the
very gates of Heaven" The fool had better
have lodged in, for he may never get such
chance again.--O.d Guard.
Three things that never become rusty
The money of the benevolent the shoes of
the butchers horse, and woman's tongue.
Three things not easily done-To allay
thirst with fire, 10 dry, the wet with water,
TO please all in everything that Is done.
Three things that are as good as the best
Brown bread in famine, well water in
thirst, and great coat In cold.
Three things as good as their better-Dir-
" wa.er TO extinguish fire, an ugly wife to \
blind man, and wooden sword 10 a COW.
ard.
Three things that seldom agree-Two cats
txva ruiv In. tLa
house, and two lovers after the same maid
en-.
Three warnings from the grave--Thou
knowest what was, thou seest what am,
remember what thou art to be.
Three things of short continuance--A
lady's love, a chip fire, and brooks food.
Three things that ought never to be from
home--The cat, the chimney, and the house
wife.
Three essentials to false story-teller---A
good memory, a bold face, and fools for his
audience.
Three things seen in the peacock The
garb Of an angel, the walk Of a thief and the
voice of the devil.
Three things IL Is unwise to boast of--The
favor of thy ale, the beauty of thy wife, and
the contents of thy purse. -r
Three miseries Of a man house-A smoky
chimney, dripping roof, and scolding
wife.
A man who had cause in court said
'that IL lie lost In the Court OF Common
Pleas, he would appeal TO the Supreme
Court and from thence to Heaven"
"And there" replied a gentleman, "you
would be sure TO lose, for you will not be
present to answer for yourself and no attor-
ney is ever admitted there"
A Costly wEDDrse PRESENT the
the Hottentots, If widow marres again,
she is obliged to cut off the joint of finger
for every husband she marries after the first
this she presents to her husband on her we'd
ding day, beginning at one of her little fin
gers.--Bayard Taylor.
Je-ru-sa-luml But wouldn't lots of Joints
be cut off in this country if the "widders "
here CONFIRMED to the sans custom
Three men were in company, Strange,
Wright and Moore. Says Wright "fhere
is one rogue amongst US, that 10 strange"
mo-" says Strange. there Is one more
Aye" says Moore, " that is right"
" Have you seen my black faced antelopeY'
inquired Mr.. Leoscope, who has a collection
Of animals of his friend Bottlejack
"No, ! haven't-who did your black faced
aunt elope with y says Bottlejack.
Who is the lady whose visits nobody
wishes, though her mother is welcomed by
all parties2 Mis(s )fortune.
To lover there are but two places in the
world--one where his sweetheart is, and the
other where she isn't.
In the beginning woman consisted of a
single rib. Now she is all ribs, from he'
belt to the rim of her petticoats.
An exchange speaks of a mad dog " that
bit COW by the tail which died." Bad fol-
the tail, but what became Of the COW
what do you taks for cold said lady
10 sufferer. "Four pocket handkerchief
day, madam, was the prompt reply.
"Well, Jim, how did you make il down
South2"
"First-rate, made plenty Of money"
What did you do with IL '
Laid 1t out In houses and lots.
"where"
Every place have been where there was
any"
"What kind Of houses and lots?n
Coffee houses and lots Of whisky"
."Now, then, Joseph, parse courting," said
teacher to a rather slow boy. Counting
is an irregular transltive verb, indicative
mood present tense, third person, and sngu,
lar number, and so on said Joseph. swell