The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1866-12-16

Heart pulseles., crist with ice and cold,
Watched by q hundred grim Dsspsissi
The forests grow by His command
Who saith, HE lendeth to the Lord
Who givith to the poorw Your hoard
Is his! Ye stewards of the land -
Here is your mis.icu. Yewho feel
Your lavish fires Not afar,
But at your doors your heather are!
Gods poor--your creditor-tske heed
The path is long TO Pagan shores;
Their skies sunny, CODE Ger oil
The winters deadly harvest fall
Around you ! Deal vonr Masters rtores. q
MY schools and Sc hoolmasters-sirHs gA
Avans 0utdone-Dogberry Obtained
The rural districts develop some odd and
times to be pitied, while ct other times it -.
sumes such grotesque and hdicrous char
acter that it would excite the merriment of
old Cerberus finiself
We have lately came into possession Of tho
facts OF q case which transpire d somewhere in
Southeast Missouri, that are too good TO 20
unchronicled.
"A certain knight of the Birchen KIDD"
wishing to obtain certificate as a schools
teacher, as required by the General Statues
Of Missouri called upon the Superintendsnt
following dialogue took place:
Morning, MIR. Superintendent
Good morning, Sir take a chair"
You see, Mr., I'm schoolin' it out in
my settlement, and have been fur risin' IF
teen year, and want stifhcate to keep .
dom.
"AI right, Sir; l am ready to grant the
certificate, but before doing SO must exam
inc you as to your competency"
"Now look here liant no use fur to zam>
ire me, fur as said afore, 1 We been school
in il risin' fifteen year YEA
"fes, Sir; that may all be, but the law re-
auires me to examine you before issuing the
certificate, and must no my duty
t'Taint 40 use-I never was zamined in
this way, and have heap Of stiffcates, and
can fetch them in 10 you.
Never mind tie certificates you must
be examined as to your QUALIFICATIONS, or the
certificate cannot ISSUE
"Well but it's nary bit of use. have
been
Never mind that, what branches do you
teach in your schoolYf
80, readin, speiIin', writin, and fggerin."
Yes the folks out thar don't want any.
thing else. They re down on highschoolin'. =
"nont You teach grammar ~
30, no; the folks are down on grammar
larnn'
''pon't some ofyour scholars want to study
grammar"
Mary one. But FIVE year ago one of old
Hemphilfs gals tuck notion to study
grammar, but in bout two weeks she gin it
up
er. should have some knowledge Of grammar,
and must examine you in that branch"
"Well, now that's no use-the folks don I
want that kind of larnin'.'
"Very likely. But can you tell me how |
many parts of speech there are?'
"Well, now; let me see F; I'll declare it has |
slipped my memory, | don't jest re. collect. /
But anyhow grammar is super flew GUS"
"Can you give "A guess
"Nell. | should say about twof'
''That won ut do guess again.
ell at, furderest, should say four"
Are you sure 4
e.Welf.a as near as / can rs-collect, it mought |
be, and it moughtent'
"Now, Sir; tell me, what is English gram |
mar 2
fAs near as can re-collect it's a smallish |
book. bout so long" measuring with his |
hand land bout half inch thick r.
"Did you ever see kirkham or Pinneo ~
mo, Sir; they never lived IN our settle |
mentn
do you know anything about Bullion or |
Smith n
80. yes; I've hearn tell heap OF old |
Bullion, but never have saw him. ! voted |
fur him onct, but he took the Abolition chute |
Afterwards. and was powerful sorry voted |
fur him. As fur Smith, he lives across the |
run, bout two mile from my house. His boys
go to school to me"
.'very we'll. What is geography p
s'Dont use any, in my school, but il don't |
disremember, seed some in town, and
they're bout the size of good chunk of .
single.
(Which is the largest river in the world u |
'sThe Massassippi, Of course.
"What is the shape ofthe earth r.
DWELL, in our region it's right smart |
billy, but further down 1T d.. and swamp |
(which is the highest mountain in the /
world -
'sPilot Knob"
every WE'LL Now, Sir; you say that in your |
school you only teach spelling, reading, |
writing and arithmetic. |
.'No Sir | didn't say learned EN- reth> |
metic /; ] only larns EN- reading, speilin',
writin and6ggerin.
Exactly. Now, after your scholars haye |
gone through the spelling books and readers, |
shat do Jon do then r
II turns 'em back.
$50 you keep them at the same books all
the time ~
..Yes. Sir; there uothn' like layin' the
foundation we'll, aud | turns EN- back till
they finish their schooln' =
"iust So Nov, Sir II seems TO me that
you are little rusty in some Of the branches,
and before can give you certificate you
must study little, and become better
posted
Now don / see as | can, fur Two got ~
power Of work on hand, and the old woman
has 'risn'' on her finger, and John has
bealin' on bis left foot. which gives mo more
/ car seetoo. Besides the people doA't vast
that Kind ofteachin and it would be mighty
pity 10 keep the children out of school now,
fur they are most uncommon bad on FUR
schoolni's Y ? s@S%s A*AsskSRe
.Nery we'll will take the matter under
Amusement. and you can call again In ten
days f3,flf-. ]
So the native educator departed, not alss
together dscousolate.s The originality OF
the answers of this pedagoEue eclipse
Shakespeare celebrated Sir Hugh Evans,
who ..smelt false Latin,n and osertops the
grsndiloquent nonsense displayed in the high
cour, of Mr.. Justice Dogberry.-M Gene.
rieee RepreScHfdf{re
TuE following aueedote will show With what
nice precision the accounts arc required TO be
kep, in the great private banking houses of
the English metropolis. Alter closing the
doors TO customers, every clerk makes Up his
accounts, and q general balance is struck,
which must tally TO the veriest fafthing before
The clerks separate. 1t happened, on the
occasion in question, that in one Of these
great establishments, ttersvele no shillings
and ten pence minus in the balance. Every
clerk was ordered 70 reviss heaceotnt, the
silver and copper money IA tho vass vassfs
of the cause of the deficit. This Was repeat.
ed over aud over again, still sthssv vents9
two shillings and six peace; The resident part
ner would not suffer the clerks to depart
without > correct halAnceI Q1Q1N yhAld
each clerk have paid the difference ten times
% t. eYetA Tho NJ nl4H