The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1866-08-09
Cousin Sally billiard.

pCehe-A CoulI VI JuSLlCe III OOuln
Carolina. r .9.... ...,
A beardless disciple of ThemiS rises
and thus addresses the court; "May it
please yoar worship, and you gentlemen
of the jury, Since it has been my fortune
(good or bad / will not say to exercise
myself in legal disquisition, it has never
befallen me to be obliged to prosecute so
direfully marked an assault. A more
willfhl, violent and dangerous battery,
and finally a more diabolical breach of
the peace, has seldom happened in civ
ilized country, and dare say it seldom
has been your duty to pass upon one so
shocking to benevolent feelings, as this
which took place over at Captain Rice's
in this county; but you will hear from
the witnesses. ' ..@.' ''
The witnesses being sworn two or
three were examined and disposed;
One said that he had heard the noise but
did not see the fight; another that he
saw the fow, but did not know who
struck first; another that hewas very
drunk and couldn't say much about the
skrimmage. .o ,orl-,r. 20 rv4aa ur
Lawyer Chops l am sorry, gentle
mem to have occupied your time with
the stupidity Of the witnesses examined.
1t arises, gentlemen, altogether from a
misapprehension on my part. Had I
known as do that | had a witness who
was acquainted with all the circuhstan-
ces of the case, and who was able TO
make himself clearly understood to the
court and jury, should not have tres
passed so long on your patience. Come
forward, Mr.. Harris, and be sworn,
SO forward comes the witness, fat,
chuffy old man, "leetle" corned, and
took his oath with an air.
Chops--Harris, we. wish you to tell
about the riot that happened the other
day at Captain Rice's, and as q good
deal of time has already been wasted in
circumlocution, we wish you to be com
pendioHs, at the same time as explicit as
possible. 7.' .... no ~ ,'l ..1. ~. ''.
Harris-Adzacly, giving the lawyer
knowing wink, at the same time clear
ing his throat,) Captain Rice he gin
treat, and cousin Sally billiard she come
over to our house and a1ed me if my
wife she ttiodnt't go7 I told cousin
Sally billiard that my wife was poorly,
being as how she had touch Of rheu-
mates in the hip, and the big swamp
was up in the road, there having been a
great deal of.raiu lately, but howsoever
as II was she, cousin Sally billiard, my
wife she mout go. We'll, cousin Sally
billiard then axed me If Moses he
mountn't 60? ] told cousin Sally Dill
lard that he was the foreman Of the crap,
and the crap was smartly in the grass;
but howsuever, as 1t was she, todsin Sal
ly billiard, Moses he ihout CO. ...t
Chops-In the name of common
sense, Mr.. Harris, what do you mean
by this rigmarole7
Witness-=Captain Rice he gin treat
and cousin Sally billiard she came over
to my house and asked me II my wife
she rnoutn't go? and l told cousin Sally
Dillard== :. .a.a y.
Chops-Stpp, sir, if you please; we
don't want to hear about your cousin
Sally billiard Or your wife; tell us about
the light at Riye's
Witnsss--Well will, Sir, If YOU will
let me. la..H .sn u b lad u.. Il. f.e-
Chops-Well, sir, go on. ID. -, '... o. =.
Witness-Well, sir, Captain Rice he
gin a treat and cousin Sally billiard she
came over to my house and asked me if
my wife she tnohtn't go? sr. JnI
Chops-Here it is again Witness
please to stop. w r5,i tts f.l.tis ~. b