The Van Buren press., 1866-10-05


leAwatch frying some pork aud eggs he
had stolen from the ships stores. when the
captain cried out:
"lou lubber you, I'll have none Of
that" ,.-. .r...
Faith, captain, none Nv it is intended
for ye,' replied the boy.
L. A timid gentleman some days ago
met one of our bluff. burly doctors, who is
more noticed for the force than the polish
of his language, when the following colo
guy ensued ~ r. r. ...y Yr}
{" Doctor, what shall | take for the chol-
eia?" Mt .r.H r.f
The cholera Have you got the chol-
"No."
Well, take the cholera first
The gentleman has never taken the first
prescription. has not inquired Tor the Sec
ond.
LII A gifted African, of the boot black
persuasion, while dancing like St. Vitus
over customers boots the other day, OBJ
served his partner, poring wisely over a
newspaper, whereupon the following col
Lowry ensued
First member Of the firm" julius,
what you lookin' at dat paper for, you cau't
read" ... rFfn :
Second member" Go way, fellah
guess can read Ise big enough for dat"
First member" Dat amt muffin. A
cows big enough to catch mice, but she
can't do it." "
- Why is happy husband like the
Atlantic cable? Because he is spliced to
his Hearts Content.
-"Bill, what did you jine the Mex
icsn war for -
For glory
Did you get it %
81 rather think / did-two crutchcs and
wooden leg"
"A poor Irishman seeing crowd of
people approaching, asked what was the
matter.
A man is going to be buried" was the
reply
"OhW he replied. "Tll stay to see that
FOL, we carry them to be buried in our coun-
try"
"A fire eating Irishman challenged
barrister, who gratifed him by acceptance
The duelist being very lame, requested that
he have prop.
Suppose" said he, that l lean
against this milestone o.
"With pleasure" replied the lawyer,
"on condition that may lean against the
next"
This joke settled the quarrel
-" l wish l could prevail on neigh
Dor Binder to keep the Sabbath, said good
old MIR. Jones. ,sr.oI .
"rll tell you how to do it, exclaimed
incisive young Smith "get somebody to
lend it to him, and I'll be bound that hel
keep it. He was never known to return
anything that he borrowed"
- A lady at the Louisville and Nash
vile depot the other day, startled everybo-
dy by crying out I've got the cholera -
A fine boy soon made his advent into the
world, and it proved to be new kind Of
cholera iniantum.
60 Daughter said fond mother,
whom the oil speculation had made aristo-
cratic, " has Mr.. Brown proposed yet 90
"les. ma" exclaimed the daughter !;
"he proposed that we should 60 down this
evening and get some raw oysters"
-" --'' ! never go to church," said
country tradesman to his parish clergy
man; always sperd Sunday in settling
accounts"
The minister Immediately replied
You will find tho day Of judgment
spent in the same manner" .IH
ara-- A money hunter being about to
marry fortune, a friend asked him how
long the honeymoon would last.
Don't tell me of the honey moon," he
replied, it is the harvest moon with me-"
My 'pinion is" said a philosoph-
ical old lady Of much experience and OBJ
servation, that any man who dies on
"asnihg uay' does 1t out OF pure spite.'
"A gentleman looking on at recent
extensive fire in London, expressed him.
self in three names Of British authors
"Dickens Hewitt Burns.' nH
Why is the assessor Of taxes the
best man in the world =? Because he new.
er undertakes anybody.
- Ina game Of cards good deal de-.
pends on good playing, and good playing
on . good deal.
Does man feel girlish when he is
making q "maiden " speech?'
An old bachelor says the talk Of
women Is usually about men even their
laugh is, he, he, he