The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-08-02

FRANKLIN Tp., Marshall Co., w. Va, 7
July 81, 1866. }
Editors Of the Register
AS near as can reCollect it was in the
fall of 1885 the Wings and Anti-Mai ons
of Pennsylvania succeeded in elect ing
their candidate for Governor, in the per.
son of Joseph Ritner, of Little Hog"
and "Sugar-stick" notoriety. When he
was conducted to the Gubernatorial
chair, some of the wisest of the party,
among whom we're G. B. Penrose, Thos.
H. Burrows, and the immortal Thad.
Stevens, of "Tapeworm Railroad" and
"Buckshot War" notoriety, held a csun-
Gil in regard to what would be the best
course for the venerable Joseph to pur-
sue with his Little Hogs, Sugar Candy,
etc. Well, after mature deliberation, it
was decided that, inasm UGH as Joseph
was not man strong enough in mind to
govern the affairs of State and the pal ty,
that the aforesaid Charley, Thomas and
Thaddeus should be his conscience keep
ing committee, whose business it was to
direct public affairs, while Joseph would
say yes, all right, eat toads, laugh u
please the committee, talk to his
wife about their farm in Wash
ington county, and "sich" like.
During the administration of the ven.
cradle Joseph, Thaddeus, of the commit
bsscamRs e&ea o9sr an! no! H4s
inally, during which time he had very
little opposition to contend with. with
the exception Of little locofoco lawyer
from Greene county, who was not much
in the way of such mighty man as
Thaddeus While thus clad with power
almost superhuman, Thaddues discover
ed that he had an immense coal bank in
Adams county, not far from Gettysburg.
How to get it 10 market pretty nearly
nonplusSed the venerable old chief.
Finally he decided to have railroad,
laid out and built at the expense of the
State, to lead to his coal bank, and, as
Thaddeus was all in all with the party,
he very easily obtained a charter. This
road, from the fact Of its crooked
and twisting course, bore re-
markable resemblance to a tapeworm,
consequently j.. was called the Tape.
worm Railroad of Tbaddeus.
In process OF time the locofocos told
the people that ii the road was ever
built at public expense, it would utterly
ruin the State So in 1888 the people
got mad at rhaddeus, after which
Jose n, Thadd us, Charley and Thomas
lost rleir fasci ating powers to such an
alaru ing exte t., that the people went
to work and 81 .cted David r. Porter,
little loco of + ,utiugdon, for their Gov
ernor David AS soon as he came into
Office, made u.s. # an 4nthelmintic which
destroyed the .pe-worm railroad This
AntLelmintic 4 David, utterly non
plusscd the d nasty of Thaddeus. So
eventually, he vas taken to Gettysburg
and placed OIL the shelf, as being worn
out aud unfit for future use. 1t was
never contemplated by his friends that
he would ever gain be resurrected. But
all modern pr, rhecies are liable to fail.
So in 1862 he was taken down, the dust
shook off, and was declared to be SUI
per.loyal man, and as such was elected
to Congress, here BOW he is trying to
destroy the a Gent principles of the
best government under the sun. So
much for the life and public services of
Thaddeus Stew us the Great.
Being very young at the time OF
Joseph's election, Imay have committed
some mistakes Nevertheless, it is as
true as Uncle ms Cabin, Helper, &c.
TIMOTHY LIPPINCOT