Columbia democrat and star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1867, 1866-06-27
The Bondhoider's soliloquy.
this Is nice !


l am worth-let me see how much l am
worth in bonds.
There are Of seven-twentles, .........tSZ5,UV
There are of six-forties. $4,000
And the seven-thirties.......... 25,O00
And the ten -twenties. s.................... 25,OO0
100000
Now, one hundred thousand dollars is
nothing, yet it quite little plum. When
the war began wasn't worth copper, un-
less it was in debts Now am well off. But
l am cunning cuss Didn't make war
speeches, and denounce Democrats and mpb
"Copperheads," and go it strong for the
Union? You bet Ha-ha-ha-ha But the
fools are not all dead Some Of them are
that is, they were killed. And didn't l get
the poor people to enlist and fight; to pre-
serve the Union? Damn the Union, if
only get Office and hold bonds. That's what
makes the cream elevate itself
And then didn't go in for bouhties, and
go it strong on patriotism; and play it big
on loyalty? Guess not Oh no! Guess
patriotism don't pay! Look at these little
tellers with figures on the face and these
coupons on the end of them How are yout,
my suffering country?
1t takes a smart man to- keep out of war
himself and eIitice Others to go. The boun-
ties is what fetched s'eml Poor fools. You
see tney went 10 HgnC.
From all the towns. cities and counties
To war they went to get the bounties l
Some were killed
And some were wounded
Some we're shot
And drownedi
And some, when this cruel var was
over" came back. had farm. / sold it
and put my money in bonds. Bonds beat
farms ten to nothing And / speculated In
"things" And / sold stuff to the soldiers.
III fha,r cho
And filed town quotas, and made nice
little haul by that And put my cash In
Bonds are just I'D rosewood with gilt edge.
Let me see. / have now one hundred thou
sand dollars in Government bonds. How
love my Government 1t is the best the
sun ever shone on! These Bonds average
me eight per cent interest Id gold. Eight
per cent. on one hundred thousand dol
lars is Just eight thousand And / get it
in gold, worth thirty-ive to forty-6ve per
cent. premium. This makes In greenbacks
the snug little sum of eleven thousand dol
lars-round numbers
And the beauty Of it is I don't have one
cent of taxes to pay.
| Isn't 1t nice
This is the best Government the world
ever saw. Rich men hold bonds-poor men
pay them. The tax-gatherer don't bother
me see
! To pay state expenses
To pay government expenses
To pay county taxes
| To pay city taxes!
To pay village taxesi
To pay town taxes
| To pay school taxes
| To pay road taxes
To pay poor taxes
To pay for building churches, school
| houses bridges, railroads, Improvements or
even INTEREST,"
am one of the supporters of this govern
mentl Good thing If it had not been for
such loud nouthed, stay home guards, the
war never would have been ended. And the
! soldiers bounties E'cod that is the best
! joke of the season.
You see we ised them by taxation Of
course. And we taxed the property-the
real estate of the town. And we issued
town bonds city bonds, county bonds, state
bonds, and every other kind Of bonds And
we sold 'em dog cheap to get the money to
pay bounties. And US fellows bought the
| bonds at discount. And we gave the vol
unteers" money to go to war. And while
| they were gone We had a good time. And
we sold our farms cheap to the wives OF the
soldiers. And we got our bounty money all
back
And better still! The soldiers came back
from war and now are working to pay the
taxes to pay interest on my bondsl
Ism 1t nice?
come back and work like dogs to pay us
the interest Oh the bonds we sold to give
them money. They are. paying diemsctces
J1r getting shot at. Bully for us bond
holders
And now they work to pay the interest.
When they get used to it wen make 'em
pay the principal tool What good gov
ernment this is
This war didn't t COSTUME one cent. I didn't
spill drop of my blood-but key-rhist,
how | did bawl out against the Democrats
And now | sit in my parlor-I smoke my
cigars-I drink my wine-I enjoy myself,
and have no taxes to pay. Look at that
poor cuss across the creek He a int worth
thousand dollars, yet he, poor dog, Is id
debt, and pays half his earnings in taxes.
He as all the taxes, and then his wife sells
butter, eggs, wooden yarn, milk vegetables
and such little things she wants, to get the
money to put in the bank to pay me the In
tereSt on my one hundred thousand dollars,
as it falls due every three months.
You see this is financial science! Poor
men support the Government, pay all the
taxes, make us richer, do all the fighting.
Us bond-holders, ofice-holders and such pa
triots, do the figuring, get the Offices, the
money, and have good time of it.
Now l eat fine food, while that poor cuss
over the way eats coarse. And L wear
broadcloth, he wears patches. And my wife
faunts her silk and swings her balmoral
skirts under the nose of that poor mans
wife, for / am a rich, taxless bondholder, and
he is the poor cuss who supports the Gov
eminent and me too.
Work away, you poor fools. Toll your
fingers to the bone, and die poor men for
my sake The war was God-send to
thieves, swindlers, towards, stay-at-home
patriots, abolition Agitators, Republican
ofice-holders, robbers, and, in fact, all of our