Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-11-15

ASNAN'
| ing notice: "Lost or strade from the scrber
sheep all over white-one leg was black and half
| his body-alI persons shall receive five dollars to
bring him. He was she goat
A locomotive on Western railroad has
been adorned with the motto 81 still live" That
is more than many of the passengers can say at the
end Of their journey.
| Why is the assessor of taxes the best
man in the world? Because he never undertakes
anybody.
THE Telegraph Cable makes bed Of the
Atlantic Ocean and pillows of the two continents.
The key to a mothers heart is the baby.
Keep that well oiled with praise, and you can I'M
lock all the pantries of the house
! To bear evil speaking and illiterate judg
ments with equanimity is the highest bravery. 1t
is, in fact, the repose OF mental courage
HOUSES should be furnished with large
| lights for the convenience of the liYers.
| Ii speaker coughs when he hesitates
for thought or aword, consider it the hem Of his
! discourse.
| WHEN boot-maker commences to make
boot the first thing he uses is the last.
| IF a man knows and knows that he
knows, he will lead happy life.
MARRIAGE is coming to be regarded as a
mere casual tie, and the consequence is it often
proves a casulty
The people who are always sighing and
| groaning should be sent to a lunatie asylum as
monomaniacs.
| CARRYING politeness to excess, is said to
be raising your hat to bow to lady in the street
and allow couple of dirty collars and pair of
socks to fall to the sidewalk
''BoB," said young fellow at fancy
fair, you are missing all the sights on this side"
''Neyer mind Bill, retorted Bob. I'm sighting
all the misses on the other"
A gentleman walking with two ladies,
stepped on hogshead hoop, that few up and
struck him in the face-"Good gracious !" said he,
(which of you dropped that"
IL a man does not know, and knows that
he does not know, he may lead tolerable life.
BUT if a man does not know, and does not
know that he does not know, he will lead miser-
able life
WHAT thing is that which the more we
cut it the longer it becomes? ditch.
WHY is life the riddle of riddles Because
we must give it up.
WHEN should you apply sovereign rem
edy to your tooth? When it a-hi'g.
Coon men have the fewest fears He has
but one who fears to do wrong. He has thous-
and who has overcome that one.
The lot of man is to labor There cannot
be any good gained, any advantage kept, with
out perpetual struggle and toll.
IT is with health as with property we
rarely value it or know how best to use or to take
care OF it till it is gone.
ADVICE is like snow, the softer it falls the
longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into
the mind.
A lover has been pithily described as a
man who in his anxiety to obtain possession of
another, has lost possession Of hlmsel.
| A man who covers himself with costly
apparel and neglects his mind, is like one who illu
inmates the outside of his house and sits within in
| the dark.
| AN impertinent fellow wished to know if
one ever sat down to tea, where skinned milk
was on the table, without being asked, ''Do you
| take cream ?"
A professor lecturing upon heat, observ-
ed that one ofits most CONSPICUOUS properties was
| the power Of eyaporating all bodies student
arose and asked ''Is that the reason why the days
in weather are longer than they are in cold p
| THE "heart" is the best card in the chance
game of matrimony-sometimes overcome by Gia-
monds and knaves, often won by tricks, and occa-
sionally treated in a shutfling manner, and then
cut altogether.
Two Irishmen were travelling together
when they stopped to examine guide board
Twelve miles to Portland, said just SIX
miles apiece" said the other. And they trUdged
on, apparently well satisfied at the small distance
If a man sells his watch for fifty dollars,
buys it back for forty dollars, then sells it for for
| ty five dollars, how much does he make IN the
transaction? 1t looks as if he made fifteen dollars
| but he didn't.
IT is not good for human nature TO have
the road of life made easy for it is better to be
under the necessity of working hard aud faring
meanly, than to have everything done for Us anda
pillow Of down to repose upon. ....
Motley" said Joe Kelly's ghost to bis
| wife, "Im in purgatory al the present moment,
says he q And what sort of place is 1t z says
She q Faix," says he, Its sort OF a half way
| house between you and heaven, and stand 1t
mighty aisy after leaving you"
A LEATHER medal having been offered for
| the worst conundrum the prize WAS ushesltatngly
awarded to the following from several hyndred:
why is rascality like breast of q fowl? Be
cause it's piece Of cbictne. :"
al never go to church." said a country
tradesman to his parish clergyman; II always
spend Sunday in settling accounts" The minis
| ter Immediately replied: tYou will fnT the Day
of Judgment will be spent in the same manner"
A domestic newly engaged presented his
master With pair OF boots, the leg OF one u WHICH
was much longer than the other. 'How comes 1t,
that these boots are not Of the same length 81
really don't know, sir; but what bothers me most
is, that the pair down stairs Is IN the same fix
A lady in Oregon, in writing to friend
in New York, says the cattle in that region live to
such great age that their owners have to fasten
long poles to their horns for the wrinkles to run
out on.
Is there any precedent for good prac
tical farmer being styled of the judges of the
| land.
PUNCH says "We know man SO clever
with his lathe that he can turn even deaf ear.
A BACHELOR editor, sensitive as to his
rights, objects to taking wife, through fear that
if she should have baby, his contemporaries, who
habitualy copy without giving credit, would refuse
| to give him credit for the baby.
LAzINEss travels SO slow that poverty soon
| overtakes her.