The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-12-05
A Deaf Wife and a Deaf Aunt

4
first time since my marriage, and l don't
know what evil genius it was that prompt.
ed the wiekcdness | perpetrated upon my
wife and ancient relative. ......
"My dear" said to, my wife, on the
day deforc my aunt's arrival, 'you kno~
Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow: well,
| forgot to mention Il very annoying circum-
stance in regard to her. She's yerv deaf
and, although she can hear my voice, to
which she is accustomed, in its ordinary
tones, yet you will be obliged to speak ex-
tremely loud in order to be heard. 1t will
be rather inconvenient, but know YOU
will do every thing in your power to make
her stay agreeable
l then went to John =, who loves n
joke about as well as any person know
OF: told him to be ut my house at six O o'clock
the next evening, and l felt comparatively
happy.
went to the railroad depot, with car
rage the next night, and on my way home
with my aunt, said:
"My dear aunt, there is one rather an
moving infrmi'y that Anna (my wife) has,
which forgot to mention before. She's
very deaf, and, olthough she can hear my
voice, to which she is accustomed. in its
ordinary tones, yet you will be obliged tc
speak extremely loud in order to be heard.
l am very sorry she is so.''
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her heart,
protested that she rather liked speakin.
loud, and to 90 so would give her much
pleasure.
The carriage drove UPON the steps was
my wiie-in the window was John T,
with face as solemn as though he had
buried all his relations that afternoon.
handed out my aunt-shc ascending
the steps. :
Il am delighted to see you.'' shrieked
my wife. The policeman on the opposite
sidewalk started, and my aunt nearly fell
down the steps.
''kiss me, my DEAR" howlcd my aunt
The hall-lamp clattered, and the window
shook as with fever and ague. looked al
the window-JOhn had disappeared. |
poked my head into the carriage and wen,
into strong commissions.
When went into the parlor, my wife
was helping Aunt Mary to take of
her hat and cape; ana there sat John with
his long face Of woe.
Suddenly
'Did you have pleasant journey?'
went off my wife like pistol, and JOIN
nearly jumped to his feet.
''Rather dusty" was the response in :
war-whoop, and so the conversation con
tinucd
The neighbors, for blocks around, mus,
have heard it. When was in the thirt
story | heard every word plainly.
During the evening, my aunt said t.
me:
"How loud your wife spcaks-don't i
hurt herr"
told her that all deaf people spoke loud
ly, and that my wife, being used to it, was
not affected by the exertion, and that Aunt
Mary was getting along finely.
| Presently my wife, in whisper, said:
"Alf, how very loudly your aunt talks. :
| yes said |; 'all deaf people do. You
are getting along nicely; she hears every
word you say F' rs ls'4
And rather think she did.
Elated at their success at being under
stood, they went at it, hammer and tong,
till every thing on the mantle-piece clat
tered again, and was seriously afraid of |;
crowd collecting in front of the house.
| But the end was near.
My aunt, being of an investigating turr
Of mind, was desirous of finding out wheth
er the exertion of talking so loud was no
injurious to my wife. So
"DOes MT talking in so loud tone strair
your lungs?" she asked, in an unearthly
tone, for her voice was not as musical a.
when she was young.
''It is quite an exertion," shricked my
wife.
"Then why do you do it?' was the ans
wering scream.
"Becausc-becausc you can't hear if
don't. - -
"What?" My aunt fairly rivalled a rail
road whistle. 9
| began to think it time to evacuat'
the premises, and. looking around anC
seeing John gone, l stepped into the mex
room. There he lay fiat on his back, roll
ing from side to side, with his fists poket
into his ribs, and most asonized expreS
sion of countenance, but not uttering ;
isound.
Immediately and involuntarily assumed
a similar attitude, and l think that from
the relative position of our boots and head
and our attempt to restrain our laughter
apoplexy must have cnsued, if a horrible
groan from John, to which he gave vent Il
his cndeavors to suppress his risabillity
had not betrayed our hiding-place.
In rushed my wife and my aunt, who b,
this time comprehended the joke, and sucl
a scolding as then got, l never got betor
and hope never to get again.
know not what would have been tn
end, if John in his endeavors to be respect
full and sympathetic, had not given vent t
such diabolical noise, something betwee1
a horse-laugh and a groap, that all gravit.
,rns nnsnt aud we screnmc.l In concert