Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1866-08-21
Sense and Nonsense,

The Prussian needle gun has given Austria
stitch in her side.
To be happy is blessed state, and every
man may have it il. he---pays the printer.
Why is happy husband like the Atlantic
cable? Because he is spiced to his Hearts
Content" -
Why is a milkman like the whale that swal-
lowed Jonah? Because, he took the profit
out of the water.
A woman recently abandoned a Shaker Els
Enlistment to marry Mr.. Bean, aged seventy
five. She must be fond Of dried beans.
:, A lady complained that her husband was
dead to fashionable amusements, he replied -
.'But then, my dear, you make me alive to the
expense" M 93 5E ~ sa-
lis said that the present success of the Ocean
Telegraph was the fact that the directors never
lost sight of the great end of their underta-
king from the start f
An Englishman is said recently to have inven-
ted a scarecroW so effective that one crow, who
saw it, brought back all the corn he had stolen
for three years. ~ ss.f -
The Radicals are boasting that none of the
scoundrels in jail in Maine belong to their party
The scoundrels of that party seem to us to be
out ofjal in all the States
Some ladies sprinkle their husbands with
tears, in order that they may sweep the cash
out of their pockets-just as people usually sprn-
kle the iioor before sweeping 81
A smart young lawyers clerk, hearing it
stated by the lecturer that "man is merely a
machine, remarked, ''then [ suppose an at
torney may be said to be a suing machine. y
DO not take that egg. The hen viii not
lay without you leave one in the nest,' said a
mother to child five years old. DO they
keep the egg for pattern mother p asked the
child
You labor too hard on your composition,
doctor, said afippant clergyman to a venerable
divine II write sermon in two hours, and
think nothing Of It. -
so doyour congregation quoth the doctor
A bachelor friend remarked to us the other
day, that he believed that all the pretty women
would go to heaven whether they wanted to or
not Perhaps, if he knew as much as some
married men, he would think little repentance
was needed
An unfortunate Missouri editor thus address
es his delinquent subscribers 1
''Frlends, We are penniiess. Jobs turkey
was millionaire compared with our present
depressed treasury. To-day, if the price of salt
was two cents a barrel, we could not buy suf-
fcient quantity to pickle jay-bird. -
A physician, walking in the street with
friend of his said to him. let us avoid the pref
ty little woman you see there on the left. She
knows me- and casts On me looks of Indignation.
| attended her husband "Ah [ understand
You had the misfortune to dispatch him."
son the contrary replied the doctor, 81 saw
cd him.
The Bishop Of Wurtzburg once asked a little
shepherd boy: s'What are you doing here, my
lad?'' Tending swine. How much do you
get?' zone form week" "I also am
shepherd, continued the Bishop, but [ have
much better salary" s'That may all be, but
then [ suppose you have more swine under your
care, innocently replied the boy. -
A promising boy once boosted to his ma am
that he had sold his dog for five dollars.
Give dollars, Tommy, for little Tag-well
that was snlartl'' said Tommy mother, as she
held out her hand for the change.
''Oh, but let me TELL ma am and Tommy S
eyes glstened, as he spoke-S'I TOXIN pay IN
puppies, at one dollar each. 1a ~
The good dame give her mop another squeeze
and went on scrubblng. E& 2 81 I<ssf So
THE CHOLERA To avoid the cholera, the
following rules must be observed:
Don't get it on the brain; and to this end,
avoid onions and brandy-smashes
Endeavor, if possible to keep clean con-
science, and two or three clean shirts.
Whenever you have nothing else to do, take
bath.
Work eight hours aday' and more if nec-
Rise with the lark, but avoid larks in the
evening. .a6sfeSf - s5ss S}.3sA
Be above ground in all your dwellings, and
above-board in all your dealings. fs1t go
Eat when you are hungry, drink when you
are thirsty, sleep when you are sleepy but be
careful what you eat, what you drink and where
you sleep.
Tell the doctors that whenever they come
within a mile of your house, they are welcome
to stay there all night
Do not forget to. have your hair shingled.
Read the '.Spectator" and always pa word
to the wise, &C.
The Dutchman and the White Hokk..
In the county of K, in the State of Tennes-
see. lives the worthywidow S. On one occa-
sion she employed as overseer of her plantation
a newly imported Dutchman, whom we shall
call Krout. One morning, at breakfast 4lrs.
S. said 3
are troubling the chickens; and / wish, when
YOU 20 out among the hands, that you would
take the gun and kill any hawk you see. . +-A
sfYaw,o said Krout, and taking the gun went
ont. Shortly afterwards, however he returned
to the house and asked Mrs, S. if he 'smusht
kill tie white hokk or tie plack one?'l
ooh, the white one, OF course; ) the black
hawks do no harm, thinking by ''te plack
one he meant the buzzard or crow.
At dinner Mrs. S. said:
''NIr. Krout I heard you shoot-did you kill
the hawk p " MMwE,
stYawi I kilt him NIT tie blunderpuss, what
masht be tun NIT shin?"
tsNothing-he's no account. . a--7d
'sNoting? Mein Gottl he weigh fife hundred
Give hundred poundsl But what would you
Ss'Iiat him, py.tam. In mein country tay ish
called pork, and pork ISL very goet.' 4. 7o1o
s "a. enough. Krput s. white hokk proved
to bEfl - nest porker on the place 80