Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1866-03-20
Mt and Hlt731O1'.

Mt and HlGnaOf.
Rare compound of oddity, frolic and fun,
To relish joke, and rejoice in pun
Goldsmith.
Motto for neutral paper-all talk and no slider
Nonsense-to bolt door with boiled carrot
Women guilty of the folly of tight-lacing dress
to kill
We like not the woman who, when present is
distant
When is q lover like tailor7 When he press
es his suit.
If farmer don't wish to break, let him break
the ground.
What is everybody doing at the same time p
Growing older.
A legal wag calls his marriage certificate, "a
writ of attain'd her"
A political affray in Illinois resulted In an or
der for seven pine collins.
The tobacco chewer is said to be like goose in
Dutch oven-always on a spit
A young man who received GLOWING up
from his sweetheart called her "wind-lass
'Have you read my last Speech, said vain
orator to a friend II hope So" was the reply.
A man who got drunk at an election, said it
was owing to his efforts to put down party spir
It."
Somebody told US the other day. that ''one-half
the lawyers live without cause and die without
effect"
There is q young man in Vermont who feeds
his geese on iron filings, and gathers steel pens
from their wings.
The editor of an Indiana paper says, more
villainy is on foot" The man must have sold
his horse and carriage.
When David slew Goliath with sling, the lat
ter fell stone dead, and was quite astonished, as
such thing never entered his head before
1t is said of Thomas Hood. the punster, that
when dying, he remarked that the undertaken
would now have chance to urn lively Hood.
"Do you like novels ~ asked Miss Fitzgerald
of her backwoods lover. II can't say" he re-
piled, II never ate any; but tell you Pm death
on possom."
The woman who undertook to scour the woods
has abandoned the job, owing to the high price of
soap, The last that was heard of her she was
ekimming the seas.
my son" said man of doubtful morals, put
ting his hand upon young urchns shoulder,
II believe Satan has got hold of you" II be-
ieve so too,' was the reply.
1--WE have piped unto you, and ye have not
danced" is scrptural passage which the Chi
nese translate thus 1--WE have toot toot to you,
what's the matter you no jump"
The man that plays at once the trumpet of
fame and the horn of dilemma, got his first idea
of music on hearing hay-cock crow while he
was tying knot in a cord of wood.
A divine in formed a sailor that the devil was
chained up 'How long is the rope? "Oh,' was
the dignifed reply, lit extends over the world 3"
Does it, rejoined jack "ifso, the lubber might
as well be loose"
A sailor being asked how he liked his bride, is
reported to have remarked: "Why, dye see, /
took her to be only half of me, the parson says
but dash me- if she n'ttwice as much as I. I'm
only tar-she's tartar"
Do you know the gThsoner M Mr. c WSggns
didn't know he had any" docs he live near
your" $50 near that he has only spent 5s. for
frewood in eight years"
When signing the Declaration of Independence
Hancock said F'there must be no discord or pull
ling different ways; we must all hang together"
IF we don't hang together" said Franklin
1--WE shall be hanged separately"
An exchange says, 1--WE expected to have a
marriage and death to publish this week, but q
doctor being sick the patient recovered, and we
are accordingly cheated out Of both"
ut appears to me-" said q small apple-faced
man. that they make great deal of fuss about
this man Shakespeare! r just like to know what
it is all about Why lift wasn't for his writings
he never would have been heard Off
doctor, mother sent me down to the shoticary
pop quickern blazes, eos bulbs sick with the pick
en- ehox, and she wants a thimbleful of poly collie
in this din tiper, COS we hadn't bot gottle, and
the kint pups got the bine Writers in it, got any ??
A quack doctor advertises to cure, among other
incurable diseases, Marcohommzzaris Abdelka-
der, HppoptOmas, Potato Rot, Hydrostatieo, In
flammation of the Accountable Religniuns Ager
Fits, Shaken Visits and all kinds Of Anaiversa-
ries.
A country girl coming from the field, was told
by her cousin that she looked as fresh as daisy
kissed by the dew well, it wasn't any fellar
by that name, but it was Sye Jones that kissed
me. I told him every one in town would find it
out"
'Pa, didn't you whip me for biting Tommy ~
eyes, my child, you hurt him very much"
"Well then, pa, you ought to whip mammals
music teacher, too, for he bit mamma right in her
mouth and knew it hurt her, because she put
herarrns around his neck and tried to choke him."
A gentleman sent lad with letter to the Post
Office, and money to pay the postage. Having
returned with the money, he said "Guess I've
done the thing slick seen good many folks
putin letters in the Post Office, through hole
and so watched my chance, and got mine in for
nothing
Funny Extraet-"Man becomes the diapha-
nous ectype of the inner spiritual self, as he is
moulded and moulds his surrounding organisms
from instant to instant in their animalistic pro-
pensties, their human desires and purposes and
in his higher spiritual manifestations of autopsie
willing matchmaking and loving
At church Joe says his manly heart
With true devotion swells
Denying that-as some assert
He's led there by the Bellies;
While Sal the happiest of coquettes,
Whose eye no sorrow dims,
Most piously employs her time,
IN looking for the Hims,