The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1866-09-28
NUMBER 40 0,
SPARE LINES.

Funny sounding transformations. A
good ono is very hard to beat.
To what color does Aogging change
boys complexion? 1t makes h'm yell D!
Why is dogs tail like a novelty? Be-
cause Il was never seen before.
It Is bcautys privilege to kill time, and
time kills beauty.
Tho leaves that least become warriors
brow are leaves Of absence, a
Tho needlewoman's exclsmston-A-
hem
Girls arc like peaches; tho nearer they
arc ripe tho moro they blush.
The physically blind are thankful for
guidance the mentally blind resent Il as an
insult.
Cotton isn't king, and corn isn't king.
Brain Is king, and industry Is prime minis
ter.
Why arc women hard on clothcs7 Be-
cause when they buy new suit they wear
1t out the first day.
Young ladies arc very economical. They
resort to tight lacing in order to avoid waist
fullnc@.
II all Of Mr.. Johnson's Is wcrc asuf.
used with tears" whit would be the depth
Of sslt water in the streets Of Washington?
We do not believe spiritualism or magic,
but the other day, veracious witness act.
ually saw young man turned into public
house. Transformation extraordinary.
The Hallowell Gazette says some one
calls Maine the great toe Of the Union. 1t
has just biz the President as though Il was
q good sized foot.
The gentleman who borrowed an oyster
knife with which to open an account at the
bankers is anxious to meet with q patent
corkscrcw to draw check.
Never despise counsels, from whatever
quarter they reach you. Remember that
the pearl Is kecnly sought for In spite Of
the coarse shell which envelopes It.
An exchange says a gambler died tho
other day, who was playing .scvcn up"
the hour before. The Almin Gazette sug-
gests that somebody Is now playing "po-
ker" (red hot) with him.
The rascal who countereitcd tho United
States los was modest man. Peterson's
Detector says "thc toes Of the female on
the right end can scarcely be scen." II is
difficult to count toes on this counterfeit.
Il Is much easier to meet error than to
find truth error Is on the surface, and can
be moro easily met with; truth Is hid in
great depths, the way to seek docs not ap.
pear to all the world.
An old lady down on Long Island Is 30
very fat that her heighbos use her shadow
for griddls greasing. To keep her from
slipping out Of bed, her husband has 10
roll her In ashes.
Mrs. Parington remarked tho other day
that "she had resentment that she should
eventually dc in pmnce;" adding that
the resentment troubled her q good deal,
but she expected finally to get immured to
IT,"
At naval court-martial recently held In
Brooklyn, the following dialogue is said to
have taken place between one Of the wit
ncsses and the Court: "Are you Catho-
lic?" asked the Court. "No, sir" "Are
you Protestant sNo, sir" What arc
you then2" "Captain Of tho forc-top."
Governor Fairchild Of Wisconsin was in
troduccd the other day to a gentleman who
observed. rs he took his left hand, that he
had lost his right arm. ayes" said the
Governor In reply, ~ attended q conven-
ton at Gettysburg In 1863 and met a
Southern delegate who was very anxious
to walk arm-in.arm with me, and when We
separated found that tho embrace had
been rather costly"
wonder that men do not put some
feathers into their dying pillows. ! won
der that people do not soften the mattresses
on which they shall finally die, breathing
difficulty away their last breath, by think
Ing that they have made beds Of soilness
for some Of their oppressed starving fellow
creatures, to rest upon In life. wonder
that people who have money do not know
the bliss, the Joy, Of using II while they
live. Using Il while they live, that Is the
test ; not giving Il AWAY after death.
II ono should give mo a dish Of sand,
and tell me there were particles Of iron in
Il, might feel for them with my clumsy
fingers and be unable to detect them but
let me take magnet and sweep through
i, aud how IL would dmw to itself the most
invisible particles by the mere power Of Ut
traction! The unthankfill heart, like my
finger in the sand, discovers no mcrcies!
hat let the thankful heart sweep through
Tho day, ns the magnet finds tho iron, NO il
will find in every hour some heavenly bless
ngs; only tho iron in Gods sand Is goId.
Mr.. Watson, uncle to tho late Mar.
luis Of Rockingham, a man Of immense
wealth. finding himself at tho point of
death, desired a friend who wus present 10
reach him dnwer, in which was an old
,lin. that he might put Il on. Being asked
why he would wish to change his linen
when he was 80 III, he replied, Because
am told that the shin die Ia must be the
nurses perquisiie, and this Is good enough
or her." This is as bad as the old woman,
Who, with her last breath, blew out nm inch
II candle, Because" said she, 81 can
'ce to die in the dark :"
Good old Deacon g. lived and farncd
{ AWAY down in eastern Connecticut. II
vas his custom to 70 with several Of his
'eishbors, nearly overy year, down to the
shore" for clain-bakc. Tho old deacon
vas very fond Of these bivalvcs, and on
me occssion bo ste and overloaded his
. capacity" to such an extent that no was
,ore distressed. Ills faith In prayer, how
.ver, was strong. Leaving his party, and
,eine followed by some Of tho younger
members little way of, hc was bcari to
duplicate thus: Forgive me 0 Lord. for
he great sin Of giuttony, and will never
at any moro clans :" Then, psusing an
Instant, hc uddod: 1Hay yae, any-
imen |"
A Law JoKr.-A lawyer Of fluid tend.
ncics was discussing some nice point Of
Nv, and getting out Of patience at tho In
bility Of the court to take his own view Of