davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

CAN'T Cook. 1t is sad defect when
young ladies are incapable Of directing
their own servants--shOes without soles'
or wristbands without a shirt are not more
useless than one of these. One day short
y after his marriage, young merchant
went home, and seeing no dinner ready,
and his wife appearing anxious and con-
fused asked: -
"Whal is the matter?''
Nancy went off at ten o'clock this
morning." replied his wife. "and the
chambermaid knows no more about cook
ing dinner than a man in the moon.''r
Couldn't she have done it under YOUR
direction T' inquired the husband very
coolly. ..t.rHg,3J ~ III
"Under my direction should like to
see dinner cooked under my direction
why sop asked the husband in sur
prise. '"{'H '.f ID ~ NOT : -
lyon certainly do not think could, ~
replied the wife; show should l know
anything about cooking p -.g ..s
The husband was silent, but his look of
astonishment pcrplexed and worried his
You look very much surprised she
said after moment or two had elapsed.
"And so l am" answered he, .!as much
surprised Us should be to find the car
tain of one of my ships unacquainted with
navigation. You don't know how to cook
and the mistress Of family! Jane, if
there is a cooking school anywhere in the
city, go to it and complete your education,
for it is deficient in a very important par
ticular. r.''-Rural American.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

When General Dix uttered the senti-
ment. and issued the order, ''if any, man
pulls down the American flag, shoot him
on the spot the Radical presses of the
land became frantic in praise Of such de.
vOtion to the emblem of national unity
and greatness. But 4 case of disrespect
for the same flag occurred in Baltimore
last week, which has been lost sight of 'by
the Press and its apcish imitators. The
"Stars and Stripes were hoisted over the
Conservative Union headquarters in that
city, when in open day band of Radicals
marched to the spot, entered tho building,
cut the halliards, and amidst hurrahs from
a crowd of Radicals in the street the Amer
lean flag came trailing down! The rabble
sympathizers. then seized it, tore it, and
dragged it off. The police, all Radicals,
made no effort to rkevcnt this shameful
outrage. Why did not the men who ap-
plauded General Dix's order shoot down
their friends who pulled down the Ameri-
can flag on this occasion? Because they
belonged to the party which is ensleavnr-
ing to bring on another civil war, and this
outrage was q part of the programme.
The ''Aaunting lie1' as the New York
Tribune called the American flag, is only
respected by the Radicals when it can be
used to further their reasonable designs
upon the Union.--PhH. Age. zd s.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

Cattle WEIGnT.-The only instrument
necessary is measure with feet and inch
es marked upon it. The girth is the dis
tance around the animal just behind the
shoulder blades. The superficial feet are
obtained by multiplying the girth by the
length. The following table contains the
rule to ascertain the weight of the animal
If less than one foot in girth, multiply
superficial feet by eight. t,.i5t..I -,
If less than three and moro than one,
multiply superficial feet by eleven.
If less than FIVE and more than three,
multiply superficial feet by sixteen.
If less than seven and more than five,
multiply superficial feet by %. ,.os
If less than eleven and more than nine,
multiply superficial feet by ~. g an'
Example: Suppose the girth of bull
lock to be six feet three inches length five
feet six inches the superficial area will
then be 81, and in accordance with the
preceding table the weight will be 1872
pounds. .--g ,.,+ 81.
Example: Suppose a pig to measure
in girth 2 feet, and in length foot and 9
inches. There will be 81 feet, which, mul-
tiplied by II, gives 3S4 pounds as the
weight of the animal when dressed. In
this way the weight of the four quarters
can be ascertained substantially during the
life of the animal.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

SHOWER OF MErEoRs.-Next in grandeur
and sublimity to total solar eclipse, or q
great comet stretched athwart the starry
heavens, is the great metoric shower, such
rs was witnessed in November, 1888. On
this occasion from two o'clock till broad
daylight, the sky being perfectly serene
and cloudless, the whole heavens were
lighted with magnificent and imposing
display of fireworks. Arago computes
that not less than two hundred and forty
thousand mcteors were visible above the
horizon off Boston on the morning of the
18th day of November, 1888. This display
was seen all over North America. A sim
liar display was seen by Humboldt at
Cumana, South America, in 1899. A oom-
parisona of tho epochs of appearance of
these great showers has led to the discove-
ry that they are periodic, their returns be-
ing separated from each other by third
Fart of century, or some multiple of this
period, and a periodical appearance of one
grand meteoric shower. Professor New
ton, of Yale College, who has devoted
much time to the investigation Of the pc
riodic character of these showers, finds
that q prodigious flight of meteors, the
most imposing of its kind, will make it's
appearance, probably for the last time in
this. century, on the morning of the 18th
or l4th of November next. Only thirteen
of these great showers arc recorded be-
tween the years 9O3 and 1888. Such
rare phenomenon awakens deep interest
among all classes of persons. Prepare
tions to observe this sublime spectacle for
scientific purposes have already commenc-
cd in Europe. Let no one forget Tuesday
and Wednesday nights, November 18th
and 18th. l' ~. i'7i2 '' |asf sa ''
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

THEN DAzE.-How idew long (once in a
while) for them good old daze. ,.us,a5f
Them daye when thare waz more fun in
40 cents than thare is now in dollars and
a half. ~
Them dazc when man married l45 lbs
ofwoman and less than lbs (awl told) of
ennything else. .,s,s4 a .s.tt..
How dew long for them good old dazc
when edukashun konsisted in what u man
did we'll. Fa" $40. aa
Them. daze when deakens was as aus
tore as hOss reddish, and menisters prech-
ed to mems souls instid of tharc pockets.
Them daxe when polyticks was the ex-
ception and honesty was the rule.
Them daze when lap dorgs and wet nus
ses want known, and when brown bread
and baked goose made good dinner.
Them daze when q man who want biz
zy was watched, and when wimmen spun
only that kind that was good for the darn
in of stockins.
How dew long for them good old daze
when now and then gal baby was called
Jerusha, and a boy want split if he was
called Jeremier.
And ye who have tried the fethers and
fuss of life, who have had the Goldfish of
wealth without scnce stuck under your
noze, cum beneth this tree and long for an
hour with me for them good old daze when
men were ashamed to be fools and the VIM
men were afraid to be firts.
N. B.-They used to make milk punch
in them daze that was very handy to take.
Josh Billings. . 'e.oo. a
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07
I. -. I-LE -llt .orH .H1lH Z ., 'iv
WHOLE 3 mo. 525..

JOSH BILLINGs.-I' hold That 4 man he,
jist'as fnutch rite tu. spell q n word AZ il !,
pronounced, az he has to pronounce it the
way tain't spelt.
doctors difer''-that's so I afvUiu,,
thought tharc wux a.sgrate difference ii,
them. ss.s. 5-.G -, -. :. -
But few sights in this life arc more sub
lime and pathctick, than tew see a poor
but virtuous young man, full NV christiai,
fortitudc, struggling with mustaeh. ,rre
Common sense is ginerally dispised Nv
those who haint got it. --.,.-...u. ~
If was asked which was the best way
in these daze NV temptation to bring up !,
boy, should say-bring him up the back
way. ajg,g-r-' =, .s,e 7nt ,s,g III 5so,,;.,,t
1t don't require any cdnkashun tn tell
the truth, but to tell lies it duz.
We are told that an honest man is the
noblcst work of God, but tho demand for
the work has been 40 limited that I hay
thought large share NV the first edishun
must still be in the authors hands.
?" Men don't never seem tui 'Eit tired nv
talkin about thornsrlvos sl...& hav boora
them when tina showed signs NV weakness
Some folks are, always trying tn see
through the millstone edgways. when. #
they would only turn it over on the fiat
side tha could see right through the hole.
Buty is like a rainbow--full Nv promise
but short lived.
1t amt best tn swop with any NV your
relatives unless you kan afford tn give
them the but end NV the bargain. ,r
Civ me liberty or Civ me deth''-but
ov the ? prefer the liberty. .H''' '''
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

So far as my own observations have gone,
know that my sleep is always more sound
and refreshing when my head is placed to the
north. There are persons whom know,
the head Of whose beds is to the north,
and who in order to wake early, will re-
verse their usual position in the bed, but
without knowing the reason why, beyond
shat they could always wake earlier" the
rest (sleep) being more broken. have it
related to me that ut military hospital in
Russia, there were some sick patients, oi
high sensitive natures, ~ dwho were rapid
ly recovering. When necessity compelled
them to he removed y another wing of the
building they did not get on so we'll; in
fact, prostration seemed to be setting in
and it was found advisable to get them
back to their former wards as quickly al
possible, where the heads of the beds were
to the north. have heard of horses going
blind through changing their position from
north to south to that of west to east Ger
tainly longevity can be attained by this
means but it must be combined with
healthful living, proper rest, and exercise
Of both mind and body. e+a 5i9 laa1 IL
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07
Getting Aboard.

Getting Aboard. =.
The New Lisbon Buckeye State writes
up, in the following graphic style, little
incident that occurred at the Salem railroad
depot few mornings since A traveller,
bound to Cincinnati, where no had bust
ness of importance to transact, had rested
over night, with his wife, at the Broadway
Hotel, in order to be sure and hit the
morning train, which leaves at an carly
hour. In the morning the traveller was
very sleepy His lady had arisen, awak-
ened him, dressed herself, and gone down
to breakfast. expecting her lord to follow
her Immediately. While eating hastily
and scolding mentally, in view of the hus-
bands tardiness, she heard the whistle Of
the locomotive. Rushing frantically up
stairs, her horror may he imagined when,
on opening the bedroom door, snore
from the conjugal sluggard greeted her
ear.
A saiSht eere~~. and q re.es sheLe
awoke him. He heard the whistle. Pull
ing on his boots, he hastily gathered in
his arms the rest of his attire, and, push
ing the lady before him, put for the train
at q two-forty gait, dressed only in boots
and shirt. The train reached the depot.
Throwing all but his shirt upon the plat.
form, the lady hurriedly sought to obtain
tickets At the Office, while the husband pro-
cceded to clothe himself with his No. l
garment. While it was yet auttering over
his head, the whistle again sounded mali
ciously, and of started the train. The un-
fortunate creature entered tho car, his flesh
having . pimpled, goose-like appearance,
while his blushing lady, spreading out her
crinolinc like the sacred veil Of charity,
converted herself into screen, that his
nakedness might be hidden from his fellow
travellers. The other female passenger,
putting her hand over her eyes, with her
fingers apart, declared, before she turned
her head in another direction, that "it was
shockingr' And so, We suppose, it must
have been to the unlucky wight who had
to make such spectacle Of himself.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

BIsxARk-A letter by the last steamer
from one of the most intelligent newspaper
correspondents in Europe, says of Bis
marks ambition: -t,,.- at.-.,s I'D.
"Let me tell you that his ambition is of
& magnitude which will be seen to fall but
little short of that of tho great Napoleon.
His aim is that Germany united shall rule
Europe. He has annihilated Austria as
= great power, and the next to fall must be
Francn. If this Saxon question is to be the
casus bslli, let it be SO. Its ground. his
own choosing and he has chosen vel, and
asks but for time. And in the next, con-
fiict, with all Germany at his back. he
means to settle both France and Austria =
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

In Belgium and Holland linen is pre-
pared beautifully, because the washerwo-
men use refined borax, instead of Soda, as
a washing powder. One large handful of
borax is used to every ten gallons of boil
ing water, and the saving in soap, is said
to orbe one-half For laces and cambrics an
extra quantity is used. 7Borax does not
injure the, linen, and it softens the hardest
water. A teaspoonful of bornx added to
an ordinary sized kettle of hard water, in
which it is allowed to boil, will efectua ally
soften the water. .,,, ,..,,s.f.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

HISTORICAL FAcTs.-It is a fact that the
democratic party has always sustained
every incumbent of the Presidential chair
who has defended the Constitution; and
the anti Democrats have heartily opposed
all such. The only three Presidents ever
elected by the anti-Democrats were Har-
rison, Taylor and Lincoln. Each died in
tho Presidential Office, and were succeeded
by Vice Presidents elected by the same
party. ncocha case, tho anti-Democrats
quarrelled with the vice Presidents, be-
cause they would insist on being guided
by the Constitution; and they each, in turn
had to throw themselves for support on
the Democratic party. These ore signif-
can't historical facts. s,, ,g.-,;. r. s.'r
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

Professor Newton of Yale College finds
that fight Of meteors, the most imposing
Of its kind win make its appearance pro-
bahly for the last time in this century on
the morning of the 18th or l4th of Novem.
ber next Only thirteen Of these great
showers are recorded between the years
9O3 and 1888,
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

At the afternoon performance of Howes
circus. in Lancaster, Penn, recently,
Lazelle and King, posturers and 'acrobats,
fell headforemost, a distance of thirty-thrce
feet, while performing on a trapeze. King
had one of his shoulders and one of his
wrists fractured, and was injured Internal
ly. Lazellel received concussion of the
brain. The accident was caused by bolt
giving away. h.;. ra af ..a
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

NorIcE.-Sealed proposals will be re-
ceivcd by the republican county nominees
and the defeated of Lansing Township,
for transportation up Salt River. Good
flat boats must be furnished, and well SUPP
piled with bologna sausage, boiled eggs,
well Hatehed, and dried herrings with tho
bark on. No steam power will be needed,
as it is said the current runs up this stream.
No pilot except Stilwell, Orr any other
man will be wanted. Lansing Journal.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

INDIA-RuBBER TYpE-A manufactory for
making printers type has been started at
Dalston, England. This new kind of type
is said to be as quickly ANA easily made,
and to be fully equal in quality and dura-
bility to the common type, the cost price
being only one third of the latter. 1t
offers the advantages for stereotyping.
The invention is American, and is said to
be making rapid progress in England.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

When Judge --, member Of Con-
gress from Ohio years ago, was opposed at
his second election on account Of intem-
perate habits, he good naturedly admitted
the fact. but he insisted that he was never
SO drunk as not to fairly represent his con-
stituents He was elected by triumph
ant majority. afa
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

The people of Kinderhook, N. Y, are
in a terrible state Of excitement over a
haunted mill. The inhabitants of the
place 90 about with uplifted hands, and
horror expressed in their countenances at
the "didos" cut up by the witch of the
MILL as they call the strange apparitior.
Monday the witch is said to have exhibit
ed itself, running along the caves, mount
ing the cupola, throwing bricks, stove
pipes, plank, and everything imaginable at
passers-by. Some aver that the mill ma
chinery was in full operation on the night
in question, and the building illuminated.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

l. Who was Melchisdec I. Where is
mention made of him in the Bible? 3.
Whom did he meet returning from the
slaughter of the Kings? 4. What did he
do to him? Give the names Of the Kings
he slaughtered, and where did he pursue
them? 5. At what place did Melchisdec
meet him, and what other King met him ut
the same place? -t ..,.s f,.,.l-f .s
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

BulLDlNGs.-A little labor upon them
now will tell. A board here and a nail
there, and a few shingles newly set, will
save many dollars worth of loss or expense
later in the season, when storms and
wind do their work, and rain and snow
penetrate. Warm close stables, with good
ventilation, should be looked to.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

FASHION ITEx.--Trousers are to be worn,
not exactly a la Bloomer, but to avoid the
exposure consequent upon the use Of tilt
ers. These trousers will be worn with
elastics at the ankles, not the knees, mind
you la TWqus. They are to be made Of
taffeta, the same shade Of the short under
petticoats.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

REGRETs.-The moment a friend. or
even mere acquaintance, is dead, how
surely there starts up before us each in
stance OF unkindness Of which we have
been guilty towards him. In fact many
and many an act or word which, while he
was in life, did not seem to be kind Mt all,
now, bites back as if it were serpent,
and shows us what it really was. Alas it
was thus we caused to suffer him who now
is dust; and yet, then we did not pity or
reproach ourselves. There is always a
bitterness beyond that of death in the dy-
ing of fellow-crcaturc to whom we have
been unjust or unkind. cd, rtas- lra
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

DRowNEp.-Saturday night last the col
ored woman, cook on the lie Claire, while
the boat was coming through crooked
slough, stepped of into the river-acci-
dentally, it is supposed d-and was drowned.
At last accounts her body had not been re-
coycred-Lunsiu0 Journal,
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

s'Does the razor take hold well?' IN
auired barber of one who Was under
going the operation of shaving. "Yes,"
Was the reply, lit takes hold first rate, but
il don't let 20 worth q cent" ,'t'
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07
AFTER.

. "
After the shower, the tranquil sun;
Alter the snow the emerald leaves;
silver stars when the day ii gone:
After the harvest, golden shcaves.
After the clouds, the violet sky:
After the tempest, the iull Of waves
Quiet woods, when the winds 60 by,
After the battle. peaceful graves.
After tho knell, tho wedding bslss,
After the bud, the radiant rose;
joyful greetings from sad farewells;
+ After Our weeping, sweet rcposc.
After tho burden, the blissful need:
After the flight. the downy nest;
After tho furrow, the waking seed; .
After the shatlowy riyer-rest. f..,
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07
"Joseph, where is Africa ?n

"Joseph, where is Africa ?'' -.
'On the map, sir. "'''''..' -.
81 mean, on what continent-the east
ern or western p .,,.'-, ''.....+.. =
''Wefi, the land of Africa lis on the east
ern continent, but the people oil Of 'em are
down south"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

.
Who, born within the last forty, ycars,
has read one word Of Collins, and Toland,
| and Chnhh. and Morgan, and that whole
race who called themselves freethinkers ?
Who now reads Bolingbroke? Who ever
read him through? Ask the booksellers
OF London what has become of those lights
Of the world. In few years their few
successors will 60 to the family vault of
" all the Capulets.'' FRA .rt-..',. . saat
Because half a dozen grasshoppers under
fern make the field ring with their impor-
tunatc chink, while thousands of great cattle
repose beneath the shadow of the British
oak, chew the cud and are silent. pray do
not imagine that those. who make the
noise are the only inhabitants of the field
that OF course they are many in number, or
that, after all, they are other than the little.
shriyelcd ,mea ger hopping, though loud and
troublesome, insects of the hour.-Edmund
Burke.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

ANSWER TO "TnAT EYE"

7I w ANSWER TO "TnAf Ere" .v TONI
ye met thee once, I'll nc'er forget
.f hi The throb:that thrili'd my heart;
adm My sirlish ideal then I saw ,.''r
Twas that that made me start.
...-h fes, twas my IDEAL that I saw: r.f snI
ooIWl 1ts'osight not Of thy soul. 1 Z ",L
ia Thy manly forua--t1 saw naught cise(- "
Tg.eJ My mind did 20 enroll. rvirn-. I'm
Your lines have met mine earnest gaze; 'l
pausc-pertise them twice " ora
.rG;1 Saw to mv..le ~ \. VI. So, agl.,,. 4ra-s
io'q Thcugh purity's the price. d 2ni'ur
,et. y, 1866. siadc'2m s'il1i n,.-,,c,
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

OIL-wELL-Thc. wau continues to attract
much att4htiotifnfl tn resplts Of yesterday
evening developed the fact that With pump
ing it will produce the eDornous quantity
Of two hundred and fifty barrels Of oil in
twenty four hours. At three O'Clock the
pumps were set to work, and. With the aid
of gas srom below the oil Howed into the
tank in volume the fail size Of the pipe.
80 CREST was the flow that one faucet was
not s''fhcient to draw it off, md to- trev<nt
the tank from ovcrAowipE second faucet
w4s inserted A short time after clock
the pdmps were stopped. 'Twenty-thrce
barrels or oil were thc result of the puinp-
ing during this time-ab bout ten barrels an
hour, or two hundred and forty, barrels a
day, What vast mine of wealth has been
discovered underneath our city.-7eyre
HdNte fInd) Efpress!g'n boirrsr ioair9nH
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07

cloud complaints are made because troit.
ors are not punished. Let ctusexamine into
this subject. When President Johnson was
inaugurated, he found all the fighting rcb-
els, tho dangerous 6nes. in the condition Of
paroled prisoners of war by the acts Of our
Generals, Grant. Sherman, and others.
They remain in that condition still for
aught that VIC know. The President has
pardoned such Of the active btssiness men
in,tho south as were penitentr and begged
for pardon and none other. ..t. .,. 81
The great rebel jeff. Davis has not been
tried; but nobody will say it is by the neg
lect Of the President. We have the author
ity Of Chief Juctice Chase, and Judge Tn
derwood of the district of Virginia, both
radicals, that no court can at present be
constituted for that purpose, because Of the
neglect or oversight Of congress-. Hl h'roI
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1866-11-07
EVANS HOUSE.


j. - 63x86Ns M ~, .-
POSTN lLl.E ......ALIAA Nance CO.
Tenders his professional services to the public. Par
cular attention given to Surgical and Diseases
of the Heart and Lungs.
Former favors gratefully remembered and future
ones respectfully solicited -..f.s... .-