Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1866-07-25
A Chapter from the Chronicles
of UacIeDSaIm.

of UnCIepSaIm.
Now it come TO pass when Abraham wa'
ruler Of the land, that the men of the South
were in rebellion against the Nation and en-
deavored to destroy it, and make Jeph the
repudiator ruler thereof in the place o.
Abraham; for they said within themselves,
if the men of the North shall continue to
rule the land, then will our niggahs, who
now dwell with us and from whom We take
~concubines and beget sons and daughters and
sell them for men servants and women ser
wants, and thereby get great gain of gold
and silver, depart from us, our craft be lost,
our gains gone and we be but mudsills, even
as men of the North.
Now, there dwelt in the province of Ohio
a certain priest, (whose sirname is Garfield)
of the order of Alexander, whose sirname is
Campbell, who grieved that the men of the
South should do thus foolishly, and when
he saw that the nation was put in jeopardy
by their w~ickedness, he gathered unto him
self q band of valiant men, and departed
into the province of Kentucky, to defend
the land. And it came to pass that he there
found the fat man of the Province, one Mar
shall, and they set the battle in array one
against the other. Now this Marshall was q
discreet man, and very fat, and he said thus
within himself: s'behold am l not exceed
ingly fat; now, if it shall so happen that the
battle go hard against me, then shall l as
suredly be overtaken and slain, and there
shall be none to deliver, therefore will / de-
part noiO and save my life" and he departed.
And when the men of the South saw that
their chief Captain had gone, they fled every
man 70 the mountains and the men of the
North pursued and slew with great slaughter
as many as fell upon that day, whereby did
this man, whose n is Garfield, get
great glory, and was made Chief Counselor
to Rosecrans, Captain of the host.
Now it came to pass that the battle was
set in array between the men of the South
and the men of the North, in the Province
of Georgia. And when the battle grew ex-
c~eedingly hot, certain of the men of the
North said within themselves, '.if We remain
here we shall assuredly be slain; now there
is near at hand a certain city of refuge,
called Chattanooga, thither will we betake
ourselves and they DetOok, as did also
Rosecrans and his Chief Counselor. But a
certain Thomas, likewise q Captain of the
host, and a mighty man of valor, betook not,
but with the greater part of the men of the
North maintained the battle, that the nation
be net overcome and perish. Now when he,
whose sirname is Garfield, knew from the
noise and tumult of the battle that Thomas
was not overcome, neither did he fee, he
asked leave of the Chief Captain to go and
see how Thomas and the men of the North
did acquit themselves, and he SAID unto him,
''gO," and he went. Whereby he got unto
himself great glory, and certain of the peO-
pie of his Province made him a member of
the great Sanhedrim of the Nation.
And it came to pass at this time, that the
rocks and stones brought forth much oil,
rrhnrah- ,o,- naval axaaaIT,r -Toh Nom
it came to pass that there dwelt in the Pro-
vince of Pa, certain brothers, whose sirname
is Phillips, and they were corn merchants,
but they were not rich. And they said
within themselves, ego to, now, let US wax
rich, and they became spectators. Now to
speculate is to take much and give little. u
And they soldto tho men of Gotham, and of
the city which is called Brotherly Love,
portions of the land which produceth oil, but
kept a great portion thereof themselves, and
thus did they speculate and wax rich, so
that there had been none before nor since
like unto them for riches. And they had
great flowing wells. from which the oil
doth spout forth as a flood, and thus had
they great stores of oil. But the great San
hedrian had imposed a tax thereon greivous
to be borne, and when he whose sirname is
Garfield, went to the Sanhedrim, did he not
within himself, ''are not these men our
brethren, and is IL not written that 'the
saints shall inherit the earth p Whence,
then, is this taxi" And he had the tax re-
moved, and thereby did he advance the
cause of the poor.
Now it came to pass that these Phillips,
thought within themselves, to sell to the
men of the city of corn, which is called Chi
cago, portions of the land producing oil;
and they sent him whose sirname Is Garfield
to sell the same, for they said thus within
themselves: 'is he not q priest, and a men,
Der of the great Sanhedrim? Of him will
buy;" and he sold the land of oil to the
men of the city of corn, and got much money
for himself and the great spectators, where
by did he advance the cause of the poor.
Now it came to pass that certain vile fel-
lows of the South, fell upon Abraham and
slew him, wherefore the people mourned for
many days with exceeding great sorrow, for
the people loved Abraham very much, for
he was a man of great wisdom, and meek
ness of disposition, whose ear was always at
tent unto the cry of the poor and lowiy.-
But Garfield liked not Abraham. Now
when the people were gathered together in
he city of Warren, (whereln doth Garfield
sometimes minister in the priestly office, for
% mourn, he lifted up his voice and said,
hat the Lord God had removed Abraham
,ut of the way, because he possessed not
more of the spirit, back bone, and thus did
he comfort them.
And now it came to pass as the time drew
lear when the people were to elect o mem
DER of the great Sanhedrim, flor such is the
custom of the Province, and certain vile
elbows who liked not Garfield, spake words I
Igainst him, that he allied himself to a GER I
= aIo.oo, - 4ha ai4u of Warran
Who doeth business In a stone front, and
lwelleth on the turnpike, and made him his
hief defender. Now this money changer j
Iad aforetime been q scribe Of the baser sort,
nd had a devil, and thus was he fitted for
UGH business. But now is he a money 7
and ~changeth money from the I
ockets of the-poor to his own, taking from I
hem 100 per cent and more, together with \
heir substance, which he maketh his own, S
hath he grown exceedingly fat r
Tow this money changer loved Garfield with {
he love of David for Jonathan, for, said he, {
is he not one of us, and doth he not favor 5
he money changers % Wherefore he wrote S
II him many and high sounding words, /,
cry grievous to be read, and thus he defend
4 him. And now Andrew ruled in the
lace of Abraham, and it was the custom of ,
to take of that which droppeth from l
he copper worm of the still, and thus was
e was inclined to be co%pperhead.
And when it was proposed that the Great o
anhedrim remain and watch for the safety
nd well being of the land, lest the great
bite the publicans that they die, L
-arfeld said nay, but let thy servant depart
ONE that he perish not. And thus did he r
for the land against the c~opperheads. Il
nd now of the other acts of him whose sir
anne is Garfield, how he relieved condemned =
sbels from punlshment-how he favored =
and opposed bountles-delIyered free
'ade lectures and voted for perfection, and e
.herwise grew in wisdom and favor with
lie people, are they not all written in the 7
ook of Chronicles? as shall be the words of
lie great money changer, when the same 4
lall be ended. SCRIBE. e
Sewing Machine. Z