The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-10-17
FACETIE.

Old Gent (disgusted)-''Hcre, waiter,
here's a-herss a- a9afTpts 1@ari ie IF;
about the time o year for 'cm just now,
SIR Punch.
Punch tells of city man who never
got mp till twelve at noon, because, he
said. it was only fair, us day broke in
the morning, to give-it chance of re-
Stunning its position before beginning
business with it.
The soldiers say that when bullet
strikes, the sound is 9 thud.' When the
Jacobin faction strikes, the sound is
generally "Thad. - Prentice.
At u law club, the president called on
an old lawyer to give as Il toast the
person whom he considered the best
friend of the profession. Certainly"
was the response the man who makes
his own will.
A MAN with large family was COM
planning of the difficulty in supporting
all of them. "But," said true friend,
"you have sons biz enough to earn some
thing for You now" "The difficulty is,
they are too big TO work." was the
answer.
THE Petersburg Express tells an al
most incredible story to the effect that
Young lady in that city did young
kitten up in her back hair and went TO
Il dancing party with Il waterfall thus
improvised for the emergency. The
animal was soon iostled out, and gen
eral aStonishmcnt followed.
Il HAVE nothing but my heart to
give yOu,' said spinSter to lawyer
who had conducted suit for her.
"Well,p said the lawyer, gruffly, go to
my clerk-he takes the fees
THE Petersburg Republican says that
Bennett of the Herald "ncver acted
from principlcP Oh, yes, he has always
acted from it-a thousand miles from it
at least.-lPrentice.
ARE them all Bibles ?" asked a coun-
tryman the other day in the registrars
office, pointing to the big volumes of
wills upon the shelves. mo. sir" an
Swered one of the clerks, those are
teStamentS."
''WHNT makes You look so grum,
Tom ~ "Oh. l had to endure a sad
trial TO my feelings" what on earth
vas u w = lsiN W TIC Oll Il pref
~ girls bonnet while her ma was look
ing on
A MAN met big Indian on the plains
a few weeks ago. The gentle savage
had large bundle of scalps, and the
white man made bold to ask him what
he had been doing. 'Heugh" said the
noble red man, "mc been diminishing
for water-falls,"
SIR" sand a fierce lawyer, ado Won,
ON Your solemn oath, declare that this
is not your handwriting p,
Il reckon not was the vaol renlv
Does it resemble your han0 V rit iny, o.,
eyes, sir, think it don't"
''Do You swear it don't resemble your
writing ?"
well do, old head"
You take your solemn oath that this
writing dccs not resemble yours in n
single letter?'
"le-a-S, sir"
Now, how do you know !"
cause can't writer'
You've lady sweeping the streets with |
l trail two yards long. Young man
stepped upon it, partly tearing il from
he waist. She turned slowly upon him
Ind said, "Sir, you are a rowdy." He re-
.ortcd, "Madam, you are down." IF
We're man, would thrash YOU" she
'aid; If YOU were pretty, would kiss
iou, said he. This is insufferable.r
'ald the lady, gathering up her calico
md turning away. .That is true he
'eplled, whether Your remark applies
o yourself, your dress, or the weather.
Crwdglmpes APP Thomas, the Welsh
ard, is coming TO this country He
viii be received by the Llwgyprstiodiv
f Philadelphia, and his performances ON
he Cthmuderstusprgly; or Welsh harm.
viii be the most interesting musical
vent OF the season. He is native of
,oelgymtryosnburgwith, and his father
'as the inventor of the Brnwrw Cymr- .