The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1866-08-21

dictory under such Circumstance the whole cour.o
OF our lie; nor did we expect soon TO be ca led
upon to do 90; but as It IS we 40 the best can.
I'VE retire from the chair editorial OF the Times |
with the iui convection that all vanity In gone.
raj we have found our patrons 10 be upright and |
honorable personages, but in part have been
dealing with OF seouDdre and villalns and as
evil communications apt to corrupt good morals,
we retire in disgust from the present scene OF
Iabors. We have been solicited to lie upon every
subject TO insert sald hes free gratis; TO send our
paper TO those who are able Tut too mean pay
ness, without a iant hope OF remuneration or
reward. We have endeayoTed TO build up the
been crowned with success notNHths andInR all
tins two oh.tail.wou d.be s PIs (Some Pumpkinsl
have done all in ther power against us; but beg
to them that their labors duly appreciated
and kindly remembered.
''As ior the ladies Heaven bless them ~ we have
found q few true ones among the many. but who
they are we feel not led upon TO saw. But for
the CIR Shy sir.s we mean all the single members
"'The girls are all a feeting show,
For mans delusIon given;
Their smiles of joy their tears OF woe,
Dece1tful shine, deceltful now;
There's not one true IN seUe't.'
"But the partlng hour is at hand when are
called upon to bid adieu to you, dear reader, per
haps forever. The cham that has bound us toVeher
mas teen broKon by circumstances over which We
have no control, and we must depart on the road
pointed out by DESTINY. But go where we will We
hope Tor the future-what the future will be
not, but we hope we may all meet again in that
bright heaven ly home where we are never called
ROBERT S. GoELET, Ex.Ed"
But must quote one other, the reason given
for withdrawal from "the chair" being so un-
usual and praise'worthy that every reader will
naturally desire The speedy restoration of the
health OF the writ er;-
"Ihe undersigned retres from the editorial chair
with the eonueton that all IS vanity: From the
been solicited to lie upon every gwen subject and
can't remember having told a wholesome truth
without diminishing his subscription list making
an enemy. Under these circumstances of trial,
having thorough contempt of himself he retires in
order TO recruit his moral constitution"
! cannot refrain from inserting in this paper
some rich nlorcedur of editorial humor on
'thlngs in general" with two or more instances
OF ludlcrous laundering. Thus, for instance,
does an editor puff his own class:-
"a newspaper may be destroy ed at night, IL NAV
light cigar, 1t may curl q lady's hair. All only
think OF that, girls An editor thoughts completely
sweety exquisely wreathed in your rich tresses and
yes, nesting down with you in your midnight
sumbers, to gently guard and peacefully keep watch
over your happy dreamsl Who would not be an
edtorp
Another goes to work to display his scholar
ship, and hunts after the root of the name
CdntStotd. Our Western friend gives its deriva-
tion thuS:-
"Canis, dog; and tOtas whole; that is dog
but on the tchoe, we think the game not worth
growl"
Another, who would depreciate and write
down contemporary, writes that Ibis mind is
mosquitoes watch-tob" t.
California paper, attempting to be witty
and severe at the expense of a newborn con-
temporary, spoke of it, saying-what may truly
be said of too many journalistic only lacks
ability and character to be nhuentia.n
Another, in striving to be Just to a rival con-
temporary, magnanimously wrote:-
He was formerly q member of Congress, but
rapidly rose until he obtained respectable position
an editor- noble example OF perseverance under
depressing circum 'tances."
The last, however, is decidedly less compli-
mentary when speaking of quill-driving
triend:-
"His intellect is so dense that 1t would take the
augur of common-sense longer to penetrate than
to bore through Mont Blanc with boiled carrot"
But how queerly and carelessly do some of
The following fearful announcement lately
appeared in the Washington Cd. C.) Star; and
while it is curious conglomeration of hort-
culture, fire, and water, is pretty fair speci-
men of stellar literature:-
"It is evident from this that the apple of discord
has been thrown into our midst, and unless
nipped IN the bud, it threatens to burst forth
confagratiOn that will deluge the whole land"
This is almost paralleled by the remark of
the Boston PatOt, some years ago, while con-
graduating the Whig party upon its non-alliance
with Know-Nothingism, that it had refused to
be bound to 'tte chariot toheets Of this nlush.
ro0mn
The following "splendiferous" sentence is
from the pen OF a Down-East editor, who, speak
ing OF literary contemporary, spreads himself
thus:-
"The raft on which he was fast pulling himself into
the Federal eddy has been suddenly brought up
against wreck of that party, that by certain
feats of lofty tumbng, he on his before the
passing smoom of fanatlcism, bigotry and proscrp.
tion."
A Western editor also 'cuts it rather fatn in
speaking OF Il man who had been bitten by
mad dog, which he brilliantly heightened out
by saying:-"He was attacked by canine
quadruped while laboring under cerebral ex-
cltement."
But Tor "blazing burst" of eloquence COM
mend me to a worthy writer in the Nutmeg
burning OF barn, the property of man who
had been active in prosecuting the vendors of
ardent spirits, INDUCED in the lollowrng:-
There can be little doubt but that this blazing
barn with its contents valued at about $3.50, with
the cow believing in agony from which she could
not be relieved, should be hung on the northern
branch of the Connecticut rum tree It's legitimate
fruit"
The violations of syntax are sometimes fairly
eXcruclating, but nevertheless apt to cause
bursting of buttons. A New Orleans editor,
recording the career of a mad dog, says:-
eve are grieved to say that rabid animal, before
could be killed, severely bit DR.. Hart and several
other dogs"
A New York paper, announcing the arrival of
vessel near the Narrows says:-
'Ihe only passengers were I. B. Nathan who
owned three.tourhs of the vessel and the captains
wife,
The editors of Western paper Observer
Herald was written by an esteemed friend, who has
lam many years in the grave tor his own amuse-
ment."
The editor of an Eastern newspaper expresses
great indignation at the manner in which a
woman who had committed suicide was buried: