The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1866-08-30

given by Justice OF the Peace p
Peace. ~. II . -. r.-s..
When lady makes you pair of
slippers she wants you to put your foot
in It. ~
What trees are those which, when Are
Is applied to them, are just what they
were before ?-Ashes.
A little boy being asked, What is the
chief end Of man ?" replied: "The end
what's got the head on.'
The only way some people can get
anything In their head is by taking a
drink or riding In a sleeping car.
A soldier with artificial legs recently
declared that he had much rather bc
"on his last legs" than his new ones
At Springfield Mass, n lady sent the
following volunteer toast: "Spruce old
bachelors, the evergreens of society"
what are you looking after, daugh-
ter?" said an old man, at a Christmas
party. Looking after, son-in- law
for you father?' was the reply.
The man who never told an editor
how he could better his pal1SF, has gone
out West to marry the woman who new
er looked into looking-glass. a ri
The following notice recently appear
ed on the west end Of meeting house:
Anybody sticking bills against this
church, will be prosecuted according to
law or any other nuisance"
"How Is your husband this ofternoon,
Mrs. Squiggs?" "Why the doctor says,
"a how IL he lives till mornin' he shall
have some hopes Of him: but II he don't
he must give him up" .......a.. .=
Why is an editors life like the Book
Of Revelations? Because it Is full Of
types and shade VS., and mighty voice
like the sound Of many waters, Is ever
saying to him-,erite.' .ts.... .ssss--.s-.
1t is said to be dangerous to be work.
| ing with a sewing machine near n win
| dow when there Is a thunder storm. 1t
il also dangerous to be working near
some sewing machines when there is no
thunder storm. ..+a. Il. rntfg 1884,.
We saw venerable looking cow yes
terday, says the Cincinnati Hsrolh, eat-
ing pine sawdust under the impression
that 1t was bran. She didn't find out
her mistake until night, when 1t was
found that she gave turpentine instead
of milk. E aa
A little girl after having been to
church, was very fond of preaching
to her dolls. Her mother overheard
her reproving one for being so wicked.
20, you naughty, sinful child said she
shaking its waxen limbs. you'll Just
go to the place Of brtmstonc and
molnsses, and you wont burn up-you'll
just sizzle. -
A cabin boy on board a ship, the Cap
tain ofwhich was religious man, WAS
called up to be whipped for some misde-
meanor. Little Jack went crying and
trembling to the Captain: pray sir will
was was the stern reply. "Weil, then,' re-
piled Jack, looking up and smiling tri-
phiantly, "I'll say them when l get
ashore.
A Cuban pirate vessel, carrying nine
rified guns and one hundred and fifty
men, was captured last Thursday by \
United States revenue cutter, while ly-
ing in harbor on the Florida coast. No
| resistance was made According to the
pirates books, she had captured eleven
merchantmen within six weeks. On
| board was found $50, 900 in specie and
valuables.
Advices from Havana states that the
| African slave trade is increasing to an
alarming extent. A cargo of 100 Afri-
cans was landed in Cuba recently.
Hon. w. B. Allison was nominated
for reelection to Congress, by acclama-
ton, at the Republican Convention OF
the Sd District, held at West Union on
the 22d inst The Convention ais" adop-
ted series of resolutions heartily en-
dorsing the action of the Congressional
majority had during the last session. j
General Sheridan last Thursday eve-
ming revoked the order declaring mar
tial law in New Orleans, and matters
now stand as they were before the late
riot.
Two counterfeiters were arrested at
Mattoon, ILL.,. and their press, dies, forty
seven thousand dollars in bogus money
and ten thousand in genuine funds
were secured.
Major General Hooker has assumed
command of the Department Of the
Lakes, with headquarters at Detroit.
Maior-Gen. Edward Hatch has re-
ceived an appointment as Colonel in the
regular army, an appointment ut to Be
made. He was formerly Colonel OF the
I'd Iowa Cavalry.
General Grant was present at the in
teryiew between the President and the