davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
Napoleon Cos.a<laa't Smoke.

Napoleon could scale the Alps, but alack-
a-day, he couldn smoke.
In Egypt he pretended to smoke--as he
held out his possible conversation to lsfem-
ism-to please the Egyptians by adopting
their customs But he never could light
his bipe himself 1t was his Mameluke
Roustans duty to set it going. If his mas
ter let it go out again, charcoal and matches
were not ruinously expensive.
Afterward, when the Persian ambassador
presented him with 8 very handsome pipe,
he ordered bis palet de chGmbre, Constant, to
hill and light it. The fire being applied to
the mouth Of the bowl, all that remained
was to make the tobacco catch: but in the
way in which his majesty set about it, no
smoke would have appeared from that time
l-till doomsday. He simply closed and
opened his lips, without drawing the least
in the world. a.h
"What the deuce" he exclaimed at last.
g There ,is no, setting light to it." n sc
Constant diffidently yenthred to observe
that the emperor did not proceed, exactly in
the usual way, and showed him the right
mode Of going to work; but the inapt
scholar still returned to his bad initiation OF
the act of yawning. Tired at last of his
useless efforts, :. Y 0nstanIs, ne 4p3urted OUT,
''do you light the pipe. | oaanqt" - tes.
So said, SO done. It was returned to him
with the steam well up, going at high
pressure rate, with q double Persian power
Of smoke Scarcely had he drawn o Whit,
when the smoke, which he did not know
how to get rid Of, went down his throat,
coming out again through his mouth and
eyes AS soon as he had recovered his
breath, "Take it away, "$he gasped, take
it away What an infection! What set
of pigs they must be. 1t has turned my
stomach !"
r0He was i'll for more than an hour after
ward; aud he renowned forever a pleas
ure, whose enjoyment" he said, "was
only good to fll~up the time Of idle people
with nothing better TO do" Z y
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
HabituaI Consultation.

HOW TO EFFECT CERTAIN AND PERMA-
NENT. CORE. ~ .sA - =
Some occupation of life predispose to Costiveness
especially those which allow but litte exercise Per
sons who contract this unfortunate habit OF
body under such circumstance might possibly
be relieved by changing their sedentary employ
nents for others OF more active kind: but this
is by! no means certain. Habitual constipation
il a very obstinate disorder. All the ordinary
socaled remedies invariably aggrayate it,. Nothing
can be more injurious than continued of strong
aperients. They at first irrtate and finally almost
paralyze the bowels-iendering them torpid that
enormous doses of catharc medicines have no effect
upon them. "a mild aperent,s combined with gentle
stimulant, is the true remedy; and combination in
the happest proportion of these Ingredients is found
in H0sEETTE Ips STOMACH BITTERs. This IA
nous Stomachic invgorates the whole intestinal canal
while quietly removing from its. consolutiens al
impediments to free passage through them. No
mere purgative has this double operation No ordi-
nary stimulant effects the desired object. Cases of
Constipation abandoned hopeless by distinguished
medical mon have been cured in few weeks by the
Bitters To those who have tried all the med icnes
the dispensary In vain, say try this irresistible
stmuIant and aperent. There is no sufficient reason
why Constipation should be the consequences OF sedep
tary habits tH0STETTERS Buffers, by sup
plying the vigor which would otherwise be derived
from exercise, will in all enable the system to
perfor its excretory functions regularly and health
2iClly,
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27


An INsrANoE OF PEasEyEaANoE.-~One
morning during the late war an officer rid
ing through the woods of North Alabama,
was ATTRACTED, by a tall, lank countryman,
who seemed to be using his best endeavors
to reaoh the top of,a large hickory tree.
Scarcely had he gained TIE summit, when,
rapidly descending, he started up another
few Yards further off. This strange pro-
ceeding was, continued at least a dozsn
times, the countryman climbing and de-
soending one tree after another for nearly
q Quarter Of mile The officer at length
oyertaking him, inquired the cause Of MS
eccentric gyrations. IA 'sW ell. stranger" he
answered. :" l was lynn asleep under yon
hickory, when q darned squirrel dropped} q
shell bark into my eye. I'm going to worry
him-Tm going to worry him till ne leaves
the. settlement, if I die,in the attempt.
Real Merit Always yictOrious.-I was delighted
TO read the report OF the Comtee--in our Eoesaeng
Piston the result of the ''Great Trsl- at island
Park. eal merit GleU0gS aciU be victorious at tos
am delighted with my machiue. and want no othei.
Il Letter Of NIB Vail, Orient, Rhode Island, to " ~
cox h Gibbs S.sM Co. Feb l9. 1866. !. -. Z.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
DIR. Schenck's Mandrake Piiis.-A Sub
stitute for CalOmei.

These Pills composedof various roots, hayingthe
power to relax the secretops of the liver promptly
and efectualy as blue pin or mercdry, and without
producing any Of those dsagreeablo or dangerous
effects which often follow the use of the latter
In all bilious disorders these pills may be used with
confidence they promote the discharge Of ytiated
bile, and those Instructions from the liver and
hillary ducts which srethe cause Of bilious affections
in'general.
sCHENCK's MANDRAKE PILLS cure Sick Head
ache and all isorderspfthe Liver indicated by ssllew
skin, coated tongue, costiveness drowsiness, and p
general feeling of WEAKNESS and assitude, showing
that the liver is in torpid DISTRACTED condition.
In short these pills may be used with advantage n
all cases where purgatIve Alternative medicine is
required.
Please ask for "Dr. Schencks Mandrake PINS and
observe that the two ikenesses of the Doctor
the Government stamp-one when in the last stage of
Consumption, and the other in his present health.
Sold by all Druggists and Dealers. Price % cents
per box Principal Office, No. Is North 9th street,
philadelphia Pa, - , -...<i ~
General Wholesale AGENTS: Demas Barnes & Co., q
street. Baltimore, Md; John Park, northeast corner
Of Fourth end Walnut street, Cincinnati Ohio; Wal
ker s. Taylor, 1874 and 1856 Wabash Avenue, Chicago;
Illinois, Collins Brothers southwest corner of Second
and Vine streets, st. Louis. Mo. - [4s5wt
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
Accidents OF Speech.

Pat has long labored under the imputa-
ton of making more accidents" with the
tongue than any of his fellow mortals; but
1t can be very readily shown that the
"bullp is not necessarily indigenous to
Irish soil.
A Frenchman named Calino, who died in
Paris not many years ago, was remarkable
for a bovine tendency. There is a letter of
his in existance which reads as follows
"My dear friend-I left my knife at your
lodgings yesterday. Pray send it to me il
you find it. Yours, Calino. P. S.-Never
mind sending the knife; have found it.
There is note to his wife, which he sent
home with basket of provisions, the post
script to which read: "You will find my
letter at the bottom of the basket. If you
should fail to do SO let me know as soon as
possible"
1t is said of the same character that on
one occasion he took lighted taper to find
his way down pair of stairs without acct
dent, and after getting down brought it back
with thanks, leaving himself at the top Of
the stairs in the dark as at first.
A lady once asked the Able de Matignon
how old he was. "Why am only thirty.
two," said he, "but count myself thirty.
before was and died, evidently keeping
me back whole year by accident"
1t was Scotch woman who said that tht
butcher of her town only killed half beas
time. It was Dutchman who said 6
pig had no earmarks except short tail
aud it was British magistrate who, being
told by a vagabond that he was not married
resoonded: " That's a good thing for you
wife"
AT prayer meeting in New Hampshire
worthy layman spoke of poor boy who's
father was a drunkard and whose mothe
was widow.
At negro ball. in lieu of /" Not transfer
able" on the tickets, notice was poste,
over the door, sfNo gentleman admitte
unless he comes 'hisself" ~ E
An American lecturer of note solemn.
said one evening: '' Parents, you may hav
children, or, you have not your daughter
may have"
A western editor-once wrote: "a CORES
pondent asks whether the battle of Water
loo occurred before or after the com
mencement Of the Christian era. W
answer It did, = -
A Maine editor says pumpkin IN tina
state grew so large that eight men coul
stand around it, which statement was onl
eqaaled by that of the hoosier who saw
flock Of pigeons fly SO low that hecoul
shake stick at them. - = II = -
Those two observing men, one of whol
said that he always noticed when he live
through the month of May he lived throug
the year, and the other of whom said at
wedding that he had remarked that MOI
women than men had been married thu
year, were neither Of them Irishmen. ..
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
Watch ~s--TEs cir Use aRdisAbuse.

Mr.. E. Grafton, in his book on horology,
gives the following directions as to the
management Of O watch:
l. Wind your watch up as nearly as pos
slble at the same hour every day,
2. Bescareful that your key is in coed
condition, as there is much dangersof injur-
ing the watch when the key is worn or
cracked. There are more main springs and
chains broken through a jerk in winding
than from anyother calfsei; sand such injury
will sooner or later be the result if the key
be in bad order
pand by heat, It must be manifest that to
keep the watch as nearly as possible at
one Temperature is a necessary piece of at
tention.
4. Keep the watch as CONSTANT as posi-
BILE in one position-that is, if il hangs by
DAY t ejishprg by night against Something
s.. The, handg3of pocket chronometer or
duplex watch should never be@set back
wards; in other watches this is q matter of
no consegiIenGe.. vi
6. The glass should never beoopened in
watches that set and regulate at the;back.
Z. On regulating watch, should it be
fast, move the regulator trife towards the
slow; and, If going slew, do the reverse.
You cannot move the rel hlator tooslightly,
or too gently at o time; and the only iincon-
venience that can arise fromNyeur not
moving it sufficiently is, that you-rnay have
to perform the duty more than once. On
The CONTRARY, if you move the regulator too
much al time, you will be as far, if not
farther than ever, from staining yopl,oh |.
5ect, sofhat you may arepeat the movement
until quite tired and disappointed ,,t.qT'
g. See that your watch pocket is in good
order-4free from five q, nap Cleanliness
here ois! as neeafaii as in The key before
,winding;cif there be dust or dirt in either
;ihstance, it will be sure to work its way
into tae watch, as well as wear away the
case itself
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
DIR. Tobias
VENETIANIf T. / N I'M = MT.

An instantaneous remedy for chronic rheumatism,
headache toothache, Group, collie, quinsy throat
and pains in any dart Of the body. Remember, this
article is snccessnot an experiment; for IS yearsit
has been tested No medicine has had such arep-
utaton as this silently it has worked its way before
the public and all loud in its praise. "Chronic
Rheumatism" Thousands who laid for weeks q
bed of agony, and walk ed for months without
the aid of crutcbes with this complaints can testify to
the magical effects Of this liniment They cured
and proclaim it's virtues throughout the land. Remem-
ber relief Is certain and positive is sure to fol
low Headache ofrall kinds we warrant tOgcure. pu-
trid sore throat quinsy and diptheria ara robbed Of
their terrors by timely of the Venetian Liniment
It has saved hundre the past three months Price,
10 and 80 cents bottle Ofica Sc Cortlandt street,
New York. Sold by All druggists In
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
EpTGRAMS.

~osr -
Once ,..pon a time fair Amelia kissed, b 8
whose nose was too distinguishedgt0 bsInissd;
sSaidI: "My love- fan woald kiss yen closer, -,
But though your lips say yes your nose says no. sir
AT CHURCH.
- II at Church Joe says his manly heart
with true devotion sweils,
.-.v-- Genyip ihat--as some assert - cg s. 81
I AZ He1s led there by the Bellies; zig b
So While Rose, the happiest ofcoqusttes, . q
Whose eye sorrow diEls,
Most piousIy employs her time
IN looking for the hams.
A MARITAL REPAIRED.
ssMv dear, -yhat makes You always yawn -
~ = The wife exclaimed, her tenn pergone;
80. { Is home sodull and drearyi
- s''Not 30, my love, 'rhe said, :" not so;
Bat man and wife one, you know
And when alone, I'm weary
THE FEMALE GRANMARTAH"
kiss" said young Charless" is 9sown, we<anow;
INT tell me NV d sar is it proper Or common =
Lovely Myra bEshed deep, and excal med y ny 4
vow, -.
I think that a Kiss is both proper and common p"
- "a ooAyUGAL- So AT.s
Loud brayed an ass. Quoth Kate, " My dear,
ITO snouse with scornful carriogeD E-z-
Yes love" said he ..by marriage"
OLD poo TRAY.
HThe old dog Trays ever faithful, they say;
! But a dog that is faithful can never De Tray
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
DIR. u r HENDERsON's LETTER.

> = 'FARNvmLE, LOUISIANA, March 8, 1880.
j DR.. r. ALLcocK-Str have been suffering under
severe ettack Of nerogic disease of my bowels fol
everything known to the practice of medicine from the
very best NJ Dps: but truth prompts me to say that
your plasters have given me more permanent reiie
than anything else have used, and believe wiHpio
duce aperfect cure.
The counter-irritant effect of your piassers Is pro
duced in such mild and gradual way they so inyg-
crate the circulation around the parts to winch they
are applied and exert upon all nervous diseases such
great sedatve influence, that place them confidently
at the head of every plaster now In use. tsH :
= Yours very truly, - ..4 ~
I T. HENDERSON, ID. D.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27

Z To THE LADIES. Next to .kindnessj good
coffee takes the !frmest hold upon %. hus-I
bands affections. tits not generally known
that coffee that has been beaten is better
than that which has BEEN ground. Such.
however, is the fact, and in this brief ar
ticle on the. subject, SaVeSin ,giyes.w he,
considers the reason for the difference.
AS he remarks, mere decoetion of green
coffee is q most insipid drink, but carbon
ization develops The aroma, and an oil which
is the popularity of the coffee we drink.
He argues, with other writer's. that the
Turks excel in. this They employ no mills,
but beat the berry with wooden pesties in
mortars. When long used these pestles
become precious, and bring great prices.
He burned carefully pound of good Mocha,
and separated it into. two equal portions.
The one; passed through the mill, the other
was beaten after the Turkish fashion in a
mortar. He made coffee Of each. Taking
equal weig hts of each, and pouring on
an equal weight of boiling water, he treated
them precisely alike. He tasted the coffee
himself, and oBused other competent judges
to do So The unanimous opinion was, that
coffee beaten in mortar was far better
than that ground in amiH. 81 -
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
a Household Necessity Exists for the use OF
Durn0,s Celebrated CGtaPrh Snuff.

The best known remedy.for "a c9td ss the Hsod'"
Headache, snufes Sore Eyes, Deafness, and the oTs
forms f,that Oathsorse dtseases CATARRH.H &
1t oleanses the entire head Its effects are pleasant
and wonderful contansno tobacco, nor injurious fngre
dent 1t hes the highest professional testimonials
seld by ell Druggists for % cents PER Box. Can be
sent BY mail on receipt Of 80 cents for Box or 81
far four Boxes. Address JAS. DURNO, Postoface Box
1925. New York City. wholesale by D. BARNES
co 81 Park Rev New York 1i M Isl" 'itif'
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27

A CAT AND Doc SToRY.-A family cat De-
longing toa country friend i the heroine
mother Of an interesting family Of kittens.
Proud Of her charge, she deposited them.
upon the uppermost part of the haymow in
the barn, access TO which could only be had
By a Ladder. As soon as her ladysbip had
her charge comfortably provided for she de-
sends the steps, makes her way to the
farm house, and, entering the kitchen,
walked up to the house dog, and by such
means of communication IS exist among the
brute creation, intimated to Jack that she
had something to show him.. Returning TO
to the barn, Jack following, they both went
I'D the steps. and, proceeding to the nest,
puss spread her little family before Ter
companion, aud, with true motherIy pride,
called for an, expression q Jacks adfni-
ration Jack, after viewing the progeny
for a few minutes, placed his paws upon
them, and, licking them all over in the
most affectionate manner departed down
| the steps with the gravity Of patriarch.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
ALLCoCK,s POROUS PLAsTERs.-Thes,

pasters have the compactness Of kid leather and the
exibility of silk glove. They have cared varicose
veins and external aneursms. For all affections OF
the chest weight about the diaphragm or upper por.
ton Of the bowels in colds and coughs for injuries Of
the back for oil strains bruises for weak back,
for nervous pains of the boweis and other nervous
affections and cramps, for heart affections-in all
these cases they have to used to be properly appre
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27

Among THE ADVANTAGES CLAIMED for the WE'D
SEWING MACHINE, please note the following .x.
Itean u,skebuteas stiteh, and p At the LOcE-shY
1t 1ssvsr rats todSs@ =
The Blade Of the Needle is SHORTER than that OF sD
other Shuttle Machine 10 use.
Its speed is superior to most-tMns producing moF
effect wi IN the effort.
1t s not Noiseless, but few so.
They not only qutety but easily
The Tension is the most simple and effective Of any
The feed is perfect admirably arranged fcF exkSt
ination clearing. oiting, &c.
With its shuttle and straight SHORT needle-simpl
yet perfect feed and tefsionspeed and easy notion
it produces the bes. STITCH with the least trouble in
the shortest time, without destroying the life and
elasticity of the thread silk
Special attention 10 called to the fact that the
arrangements of the Weed Sewing NlaaalfHe
arc such that firm and elastic seam We made
with light tension and retain the pliaby Of the silk
or thread equally with5hand sewing.ItlH H. -
Prices correspond with those of other frst-class
Machines. Egesy Machine as Warranted to gree per-
feet satisfaction.
Agents wanted. Extra inducements offered.
Northwestern Office Io2 Washington ST.. Chicago.
Weed Sewing Machine Co.
PAYSON II. MAYHEM Agent.
Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-12-27
.rrsKs asEnss spa s5ssssE1s -

according to Milton rendered tenfold more terrible
by its
IS EEowEfd HAIR
and there are thousands Of fiery human heads which
might be rendered charming by simply changing
their tint to mellow brown, or perfectly natural
black witb2IiIT IiT4T G1I4Ia fhN
sJBeH@wADGDRO'S HAIR DYE.
It is ridiculous to carry into society gray, sandy
carrot head when I'VE alhbtf4 vpud spaadsrlif as
attractive as gafufecould haYemaee her hnppiest
MOOD MANI p2ased " ~ Css lsIAanoEd No. :
astor House, New York. SOLD by ell Druggists
Applied ny all Hair Dressers
Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1866-02-21
ST ROW, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
CLEARFIELD, PA, FEB. 81, 1855.
What of the Future 2


Passing events seem TO indicate, that the
Republican majority, at the approaching
State elections, will be even greater than they
have been in the past. In 1865 the Copper
heads did not carry a single Northern State,
and, we opine, Will meet with no better
success now. The great mass of the Amer
lean people are true and loyal to the Govern
ment, and hence cannot consistently support
those who have been in sympathy with the
traitors of the South during our recent strug-
gle for National supremacy, and who still
bow to the beck of those who endeavored
tC break up the Union Their doom is pro-
nounced. Defeat stares them in the face on
every side, and they are casting about for
some 'make-shift' to keep up the courage
of their deluded followers. But nothing
seems to avail them for even soldiers, when
they yield to the entreaties Of Copperhead-
ism and become its standard bearers, are
''laid out stiff and cold''-as was instancpd
by the defeat of Gen. Mcclellan, Gen. Slo-
cum, Col. Davis and Lieut-Col Linton.
These men, although they helped to fight
tllC DdtliCS VI OhtOlls NCiC oltiiu anu
sacrificed upon the political altar of copper
head skepticism and idolatry. Their brave
deeds did not save them from the popular
condemnation, because they had allied them
selves to the enemies Of the Government.
Their companions-in-arnls would not recog-
nize them as their former brave comrades, by
voting for them, for the reason that their
associations were wrongly chosen-because
they lodged in the camps of the sympathis-
ers with treason. And so it will ever be
with those who accept the leadership and
embrace the odium Of the party that has
been so signally and emphatically condemn
ed by the people Yet, Notwithstanding THEN
past experience, the leaders of the copper
head party anticipate future success. How
On account of the purity and correctness oi
their principles? No But in the hope OF
devision in the Republican ranks VIII
they realize that hope? Nay; that hope is
only ''will-o' the-wisp" that will leave
them in greater bewilderment and obscurity
than ever. Poor, indeed, must be the prin,
ciples of a party that has no other prospect
of success than division in the ranks of its
opponents-that has no positive quality
within itself to commend it to the favor Of
the American people. Such a party de.
serves defeat-deserves to die. YEA the
Copperhead party is dead, and will never
rise again as national organization, unless
the friends of the Union will prove recreant to
the great trust imposed upon them by the
events of the war, in permitting dissensions
to divide their counsels
Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1866-02-21

the admission of Colorado; aud, after con-
siderable discussion, the former was taken
up. but the morning hour expired, and the
debate on the Constitutional Amendment
was resumed by Messrs Williams, Stewart,
and Guthrie. The subject was postponed,
and the bill to punish kidnapping by fine
and imprisonment, and the bill to rehnquish
title to certain lands in San Francisco were
passed. After an executive session the
Senate adjourned. In THE HOUSE, the
Post-Offce Appropriation bill was reported
from committee, and made the special order
for next Thursday. Petitions were present
ed from the photographers for an amend
ment of the revenue laws and from James
Hamilton and others for protection to
American industry. The bill to permit the
sale of stamps, &c, on commission, was de
bated, and postponed for two weeks. The
bill to allow the sale Of stamped envel-
opes at the value of thestamps, and making
various other changes in the postal laws,
was also postponed for two weeks.