American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1866-08-08
WIT AND wTsDOM.

Visible Speech.-"Taking sight.
"A leading article.-A blind mans
dog.
"A fne coat may cover fool, but
never conceals one.
IF man suores loudly can he be
said to be sound asleep2
What length ought lady's crinoline
to be7 A little above two feet.
-Laziness travdls SO slowly that pow
erty soon overtakes her.
-"The rakes progress" Over the
flower beds.
Why was Noah's ark like smoke
house because it had Ham in it.
Why is an over. worked horse like
an umbrella Because it is used up.
When is tired man like theft
When he needs arresting.
Why are seeds and gate posts put
in the ground 2-To prop-a gate
AN eloquent speaker is like river
greatest at the mouth.
"A Tissue of Lies.-A forged bank
Lote.
When are two potatoes precisely
alike when they're pared
The best of men are but men at the
best.
In what color should secret be kept1
In yiolet.
"A baker has invented new kind
of yeast. 1t makes bread so light that
pound of it weighs only twelve ounces.
Why is lead pencil like poor hu-
man nature because it never does
right of itself.
In what circumstances is a woman
that wears stays ?-Straitened circum
tances.
-"Wife," said a hen-pecked husband,
ego to bed" 81 won't "Well, then,
sit up; will be minded p
"A good place for patent hair dyes
Canada, for there the hare is always
gray.
Why are poultry the most profitable
stock to keep because for every grain
they give peck
Why are birds likely to fee. .depre..
sed early on summer mornings BE
cause their little bills are all over dew.
"A Legal Wag calls his marriage GER
ti6cate, strange to say writ of attain'd
her."
"A man in Indiana got a divorce
from his wife because she went skating
against his wishes. He concluded to
let her slide.
-"Pa,c can person catch any thing if fs
don't run alter it?" "Certainly not"
"Well, then, how did you catch the cold
yo've got 2"
There are many varieties of forest
trees deciduous and evergreen, in Switz-
zerlan. Yet it is un deniable that the
woods in those regions are AL PINE.
Curious Bill.-A carpeEt ter was en-
ployed by farmer, and rendered the
following curious bill "To hanging two
barn doors and myself seven hours, three
shillings and sixpence."
Too LATE.--A young lady stepped in
to the store of merchant by the name
of Wade, and very innocently said she
would like to be weighed (Wade.) "Re-
ally, am very sorry" said he, "but Lay
wife will tell you that you are too late by
a couple of years"
"A Yankee made bet with Dutch
man that he could swallow him. The
Dutchmau lay down upon, the table, and
the Yankee, taking his big toe in his
mouth, nipped it severely. "Oh, you
are biting me, roared the Dutchman.-
Why, you old fool" replied the Yankee,
"did you think l was going to swallow
you whole 2"
The last dog story is of two dogs
who fell to fighting in saw mill. In
the course of the tussel one of the dogs
went plump against saw in rapid mo-
tion, which cut him in two instanter.-
The hind legs ran away, but the fore legs
continued to fight aud whipped the other
dog.
-"Who's there ?' said Robinson, one
cold winter night, disturbed in his repose
BY some one knocking at the street door.
"a friend" was the answer. "What do
want 7" "Want to stay here al! night"
"Queer taste of yours amt it? But stay
there by all means" wa. the benevolent
reply.
= The way in which words are of
ten divided when set to music sometimes
mod ueac n rathar ludioro,,s afazt