The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-06-26
NUMBER II
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

ne was not IN the habit OF paying his
bills without much following and impor-
tunity, nor then, If any chance appeared
of wearing out his creditors. A pavior,
after long and fruitless attempts, caught
him just getting out of hiSgfg at his OWN
door, and set upon him. "Why, you
rascal" said the Doctor, ado you intend
to be paid for such piece Of work.
Why, you have spoiled my pavement,
and then covered it with earth to hide
your bad work. aDoctor," said the
pavior, "mine is not the only piece Of
bad work that the earth hides.' "You
dog, you replied the Doctor, aare you q
wit? Well, you must be poor-come in"
The man was paid.
"Nat'' is poor, ght-fngered, and not
over bright. One day, he stole chick
en-, and meeting the owner few minutes
afterward, attempted to conceal the fowl
in his hat. The chicken, not liking such
close quarters, thrust his head through
an opening in Mats old straw hat. Nat
was presently aceosted with: "What
have you in your hat?" aNothing but
my head,n said Nat "But see chick
ems head sticking through the top of it,
Nat" Nat, taking off his hat and look
ing at it in feigned astonishment, ex-
claimed: "Wal, how do you s'pose that
critter come in there? He must have
crawled up my trowssrs-lcgP'
The other night, at one of the hotels
in this city;a conyivially disposed gentle
man, refining late, walked Independently
and somewhat noisily up the stairs and
along the corridor to his ROOM, aWhy,
what noise you makel'' said his wife,
who heard with some anxiety the heavy
tread of his boots, chow heavily you
walkl" "Well, my DEAR was the gruf
response, ''ifyou can get a barrel Of whis-
Ky up stairs with any less noise, should
like to see you do i'll"
An ingenious youth from the Granite
State, now residing at Denrer, returned
to his lodgings few nights since, In q
state of great Independence and erectness.
my friend, asked his wondering COM
panion and roommate, fare you drunk or
sober?" "Mell," replied the youth, ,with
the peculiar, dignifed, and oracular man
ner which only an intoxicated person
can assume, s'fer Pixies Peak, sober;
but, for New Hampshire, pretty d--d
drunkp'
"Who made your" inquiring lady
teacher Of great lubberly boy who had
lately Joined her class. ~
81 don't knowl''
"Don't know? You ought to be asham-
ed of yourself. A boy fourteen years
oldl Why, there's little Dickey-he's
only three-he can tell, I dare say"
"Dodl' lisped the prodigy.
"Therel" said the teacher, II knew
he'd rememberl''
aWell, he oughterl" said the stupid,
"'Taint but little while ago since he was
madep'
aHow dreadful that cigar smellsl" ex-
claimed Cushing to companion; "Why
Its an awful smelling thinglh
aOh, no; it's not the cigar that SMELLS"
was the reply.
"What is it, thenl' inquired Cush-
ing.
aWhy. it's your nose that smells, Of
course; that's what noses are made for.
Make up your mind to do a thing,
and then do it. Ifa spider breaks his
web twenty times, twenty times will he
mend it. ses
"Father, what does the printer live on
anyhow" "Why, my child?a HOh be-
cause you said that you had not paid for
| your paper for three yearsl' Exit. father
with flea in his ear.
| A wee bit of boy having been slight
lly chastised by his mother, sat very
quietly in his chair for some time after.
ward, no doubt thinking very profoundly.
/ At last he spoke out thus: ssMuzzer,
wish pad get anuzzer housekeeper-I's Sc
, lgot tired o seein you round" "
II IF man is net tall at twenty. hand.
some at thirty, wise at forty, and rich at
fifty, he never will be tall, handsome, wise,
nor rich. 8
Thackeray tells Of an Irish woman
!. begging aims of him who when she saw
him put his hand in his pocket cried ou t
aMay the blessing of God follow you al
your life, but when he pulled out hii
snuff box, Immediately added--"and nev-
er oveItake ye."
t Like his counterpart Shakespeare, ST,
: Walter Scott was much given to punning
!, Among thousand instances of this pro.
1pensity in the latter, We record enc. A
friend borrowing book one day, Sil
Walter put it into his hands with thes,
words: aNow, I consider it necessary. Il
! remind you, that this volume should bt
$ soon returned, for, trust me, find tha
: although many Of my friends are bat
s arithmeticians, almest all of them ar,
= good book keepers. .
- Blessed is the man who is always fla
broke, for no man saith unto him, "len,
o me FIVE dollars"
+ Rov. DR.. Mason stopped to read q the
= atrical placard which attracted his atten
ton. Cooper, the trsgedian, comm
along, said to him: "Good morning, sir-
te do ministers Of the gospel read sue
s. things? "Why not, sir9 said the dot
tor; "ministers of the gospel have rigf
to know what Satan is about as we'll Q
'e other folks"
A poor lrishman who applied for q !
cense to sell ardent spirits, being qusl
utl toned as to his moral fitness for the tru