The Iowa transcript. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1858-1866, 1866-02-21

leg to cure him of the rhematism.
What is the difference between o no |
neycomb and honeymoon A honeycomb |
consists Of a number Of ..small cells" and |
a honeymoon consists Of one "great SELL
....A young man was fined the other day
twenty dollars for kissing q pretty girl
when she didn't want him to. 1t often costs
ten times as much when they do want
him to.
...'s How is your husband, dear !"
asked one lady Of another oh he Is in
very bad state" was the reply. And,
pray, what kind of o state is he in" per-
sisted the other sin State Prison"
The following question is now before
the Sand Lake Debating Society:
(which do women love the best-to be
Rugged in polka, or squeezed in
sleigh"
We shall issue the decision in an extra.
......A man buying furs in Arkansas, while
conversing with woman at whose house he
had called, asked, If there we're any Pres
byterians around there" She hestated
little, and said, ..She guessed not her hus-
band hadn't killed any since they had been
there.
......A waiter at recent "grand party
in Washington, in carrying tray through
the crowd Of guests, accidently hit lady
severe blow with it on the elbow The
deuce take the tray petulantly exclaimed
the lady. Madam" said . senator, noted
for his whist playing, who was standing
near, "Madam, the deuce can't take the
trey,
......"There is difference in time, you
hot nd
said gentleman in New York to newly
arrived Irshman. For instance, your
friends in Cork are in bed and fast asleep by
this time, while we are enjoying ourselves in
the early evening"
That's always the way" exclaimed Pat,
could Ireland never had justice yit."
There is certain law book whose
index contains the following reference to
Mr.. Justice Best:
Best-NIr. Justice--his great mind
Surprised that anything great should be
imputed to that irascible judge, theinquirer
looked down letter 3 of index, and found:
Mr. Justice Best said that he had
great mind to commit the witness for pre-
varication."
......DrBrQUE RETAIL MARKET.--Butter,
sc a lick; lard, l0c taste; apples, rotten
ones for SC; coal oil, lOc drop; cider, &c
smell; chcstnuts, Sc pinch; overcoats cost
like $500; boots down at the heel; eggs.
1Oc for looking at fresh dozen; jewelry,
81 grab; dishcloths, &c each old ropes,
Sc pound rags, plenty and cheap: lem
ems, &c taste; waterfalls, So dozen
house rent, 1Oc minute; knock-d downs, SIS
and costs; dog fights, free; clean shirts.
pc; hot swill, loo BARREL pork steak, sc
for enough to grease griddle.-Hsrald.
The "local" of the Troy Press, takes
the loss of his overcoat coolly. He says:
The chap who stole our overcoat on Wednes-
day night is informed that he is welcome to
it, until we find him out. But our wallet in
the left side docket, containing $1,000 in
greenbacks, or Whereabouts, and letters from
Washington, including one from President
johnson, urging upon us to accept foreign
| mission, and asking our opinion about his
plan of reconstruction" &C., &c.-the
! thief will please return to this Office. No
questions asked If we are not in leave them
with the boy.
Mot long since, our friend Brown was
on visit to Lookout Mountain, Georgia,
and was much struck with the fact that q
fine Jet of water was thrown up, above the
TOP Of an eminence on which the hotel
stands. Walking around the jet admiringly
he accosted plain countryman with:
s.My friend, is this water forced up by a
ram = meaning, of course, the hydraulic
| contriyance so named.
a ram :" exclaimed the countryman.
"Yes, ram, | say
What on earth-no, sir; it's darned
big mule and it's tremendous hard work
for him. Come here, and will show him
to you
Brown saw the mule, and left.
IA PATENT PULprr-some years ago,
according to the London Punch, q benevo-
lent and ingenious Englishman contrived an
excellent article in this line. It is to be
introduced into this country
1t was proposed that the patent pulpit
be built in the usual style, but suspended
over the preachers head was to be an appa-
ratus something in shape like candle ex-
tinguisher This was to descend so as, in
exactly Is minutes, to completely extinguish
the clergyman, and Of course his sermon
could never exceed that period in duration.
Eight minutes after the sermon had COM
menccd q loud premature snap or click vas
to announce the commencement of the ex-
| tingusher's descent: and it is stated that
upon several private trials no clergy could
be found who had the nerve to continue his
sermon, after hearing this snap or click,
over three minutes longer, such was the
fear in his mind that his light would be hid
den under the suspended bushel.''
.."What do the Arabs Of the desert
live on, pa" asked roguish girl Of her
father.
Fudge, Nelly, that's an old conundrum.
They live ON the sand ,chtch is (sandwiches)
there"
Yes, but, pa, how do they get'ems +"
"Well, really, Nelly, you have me there,
give it up"
"Why, pa, don't you know that the sons
of Ham are bread and mustered in the will
derness ?"
"Come, come, my daughter, that is too
killing don't say another word
80, yes, do tell me what they eat on their
sandwiches :"
Eat on EN-; why, what do they eat on
'em 2"
Butter to be sure"
Butter how do they get their butter."
why, you know, pa, that when Lots
wife was turned into pillar Of salt, all the
family but her ran into the wilderness
..PoETlcAL.-We hasten, says the Chi
cage Tribune, to print the following poetic
gem. II is a genuine morceau, distinguished
even among its fellows, scores of which
come to our table daily. The writer evil
IDENTIFY possesses that rare modesty which is
the surest mark Of true genius. In his de-
dicatory to the editor he says:
ssIf vou yyiSh epv p,oro wr;tfcu an env