The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17
NUMBER 90
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

Snooks was advised to get his life In
sured. aWon't do it, said he: ssIt
would be my luck to live forever, if
should"
Why are books the best friends2 Be.
cause you can shut them up without the
least offense, when they bore you.
Alta naval court martial lately held, the
following dialogue is said to have taken
placed between one of the witnesses and
the court: Are you Protestant7n sNo,
Sir" "What are you then?' captain
of the foresop."
When does burglar resemble vinegar?
" hen he is put in stone '.jjug.
No man is wise or safe but he that is
honest.
A Bachelor up Penn street, Pittsburg.
Pennsylvania, picked up thimble.
He stood awhile meditating on the prob.
able beauty Of the owner, when he pressed
it to his lips, saying: oh, that itwere the
fair cheek Of the wearerp Just as he had
6nished,a fatcolored lady looked out sof
an upper story wiedow, and said: "Boss,
jist please to frow dat fmble of mine in
de entry, I jist now drapt it.
A Coon REASON. minister going to
visit a sick parishioner, asked him how
he hadrested during the night. aOh won
drous i'll, sir" replied he for my eyes
have not come together these three
nights
aWhat is the reason of that?" said the
other.
aAlasl sir, !" said the sick man, because
my nose was betwixt them.
The bursting Of the Petroleum Bank Of
Titusville has settled the question; 9 Will
petroleum explode2"
A poor man who had been ill,on being
asked by gentleman whether be had ia
ken remedy, replied, "No, amt taken
any remedy, but have taken lots of
.physic.'
An urchin remarked. that the princi-
pie branch of education in his school was
the aoilloao branch.
A bachelor, seeing the words sFamilies
S upplied, over the door of shop, step
p ed in and said he would take wife and
two children.
When Rabelais was on his death bed.
a consultation of physicians was called.
aDear gentleman" said the wit to the doc
tors, raising his languid head, .'let me die
a natural death. =
A fop of a fellow who was sauntering
a bout a country village, saw pretty face
at the window Of a house near which a
little boy was at play. s'Bub, said he,
ewho is that fair lady looking out2' ISIS.
was the reply. "Will you tell me if
$ he is maid or a rnatron?" asked the
exquisite "She is tailoress, answered
the lad, resuming his play.
HORRIBLE CATASTROPHE. Yesterday
morning, at four o'clock, p NJ, small
man named Smith, with heel in the hole
of his trowsers, committed arsenic by
Swallowing dose of suicide. The ver-
diet Of the inquest returned a jury that
the deceased came to the fact in accordance
with his death. He left child and six
small wives to lament the end of his unl
fortunate loss. In death We are in the
midst Of life.
A clergyman was endeayoring to in
struct one Of his Sunday scholars, q
plough boy, on the nature of a miracle.
e.Now, my boy" said he, suppose you
were to see the sun rise in the middle of
the night, what should you call that?p-
laThe mune, please sur. : No, but, said
the clergyman, suppose that you knew
lit was not the moon, but the sun, and
that you saw it actually rise in the middle
of the night--what should you think?n
l"Please, Eur, I should think it was time
to get up" s
An editor, describing the effects of a
lsquall upon canal boat, says; When
the gale was atits highest point, the nm
fortunate craft keeled to the larboard and
| the captain and another cask Of whisky
lrolled overheard.
| A gentleman, lately boasting Of the
|neatness and regularity os his wife, said;
|sIf get up in the night, pitch dark, !
find my clothes, down to my gloves all IN
their proper places. / was up this NOR
lining before daylight" he continued, put.
lting his hand into his pocket for his hand
kerchief,and here he pulled out his wife :
Inightcapl
i CAREFUL.-We saw Jake mailing up q
box the other day, containing some ar
ticles which he intended sending by ex.
press. From the nature Of the contents
we knew it was essential that the boz
Ishould not be inverted ON the passage; 81
we ventured the suggestion to Jake Il
place the much abused aThis side upF
etc., eonspicuously upon the cover. "A
few days after we saw Jake
"Heard from your goods. Jake? Die
they get there safely?"
"Eyery one broke!' replied Jake sui
lenly. "Lost the hull lott Hang tn
express Compayp
ibid you put on, This side up, as "
! told you?" -.
T ayes. / did; an fur fear they shouldn'
:, see it on the kiyer, / put it on the bot
tom tew-confound EN-
! Errors and repentance are the conpan
liens of rashness.