The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1866-12-11
FACETIE.


own. .r q
So common has become the shooting
of ministers in Missouri, it is now re-
garded as o branch of sporting. In
Cooper county, the other day, stranger
in search of game was answered, mot
much, sir, but there's the preacher COM
ing ovor the hill"
They killed Cresus by pouring his
own molten gold down his throat. Gen.
Buffers silver spoons should be melted
and poured down his.
A boy entered stationery store the
other day, and asked the proprietor
what kind of pens he sold. "All kinds"
was the reply. "Well, then, I'll take
three cents worth Of pig pens"
A Connecticut editor, having got into
graduated himself that his head was
safe from 'donkey's heels" His CO.
temporary astutely inferred that he was
unable to make both ends meet.
A popular author gives the following
advice to wives:
"ShOuld you find it necessary, as you
undoubtedly will, many of you, to chas-
tise your husbands, you should perform
this affectionate duty with the soft end
of the broom, not with the handle
"Hallo there, how do you sell wood p
"By the bundle" "How long has it
been cut ~ -Four feet" 81 mean how
long has it been since yon cut it" mo
LONGER than it is now" Look here,
old fellow, you are too bright to live
long"
Alexander Dumas, the elder, returning
from days sport at the country seat of
a friend with a perfectly empty game
bag, was asked: "Well, Dumas, what
have you killedp "Time," was the
quiet reply.
An Irishman was asked what was his
religious belief. 'Is't me belafe ye'd be
asking about ?" said he. 'It's the same
as the wildly Brady. l owe her twelve
shillings, and she behaves I'll never pay
her; and faith, that's my belafe, too"
"Look out there! What are you kick
ing NV dog for" "Pm kicking him
because he's full of heas, and l don't
want to get them on my good clothes"
"Fleas, the devili Why that dog sleeps
with me-" "Yes, darn you, know 1t;
and that's whar he gets them"
We learn from o country paper that a
digger was summoned to the police
court for shying some cracked dinner
plates at Chinaman's head. The de-
tense of the accused was that Mr.. No
Save had addressed him in broken Eng
lish, and that he had merly answered
him in broken China. Case dismissed.
An old farmer, now dead, who bore the
cognomen of "Old Tom Fowler" was
quite fun-loving jolly fellow in his
day. While working on bridge which
was to cross deep slough, he was &C
costed by gentleman in q two-horse
carriage with the question::
SIS there good bottom to the
sloughr
Eyes" replied Tom; and the traveller
drove in, stuck, and had to be pulled
out-horse, carriage and self.
After succeeding in getting out, the
traveller wanted to know of Tom why he
lied to him, telling him "there was good
bottom"
Saws Tom, "thcre is good bottom, but
il is a great deal further down than you
are"
4 SENSATION STORY-BY A VEGETA-
IIAN.-He has done the deed! But lit
tie did he guess that the eye
of an intelligent potato in the
next field was upon him. The potato
poured the dreadful story into the ear
of corn, which let out the secret in its
(s)talk, and though l am bound to add
that the corn was cut after thus bstray-
ing confidence, the story got wind, and
the cucumber was in distressed frame
of mind in consequence. The culprit
was overtaken by justice and several
scarlet and taken before a JUS
tice of the peas. The case was investi-
gated to the very roots, and the potato
was, of course, the principal witness for
the prosecution.
Wouldst know, O reader, the wretchcd
mans guilt' He had shed the blood of
Il turnip, little expecting it would ever
turn-up in evidence against him. He
was executed, of course, the mode Of
execution decapitaton in order to sever
'''' 1"''''
HAVE SOME FLIr!-A couple OF med
ical students alSinterred SUBJECT OH u
cold winter night, and having dressed
it, sitting upright, on the seat of COW
ereo waSoh' slai,ou i?i ho M S
lighted M, they left the wagon, and
went in for drink. The hostlcr OBJ
serving the man sitting alone IN tne