Mineral Point weekly tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1859-1868, 1866-12-19
& II 4 II Il "a 81 - Il II,

EPITApH on an auctioneer-Gone.
THE French have three hundred
ways for cooking eggs.
AT what age do pigs end their ex-
istance? Answer-Saus- age.
LIFE is a beautiful night, in which,
as some stars go down others rise.
GARIBALpI, in recent letter. calls
the carbine . the gospel of Italy"
WHY Is vain young lady like
confirmed drunkard ? Because neither of
them are satisfied with the moderate use of
the glass.
A FoP, just returned from a contin-
entail tour, was asked how he liked the ruins
Of Pompei. Not very well =" was the re-
ply; they are 50 dreadfully our of repair"
SMBo had been whipped for steal
ing his masters onions One day he brought
in skunk in his arms; SAYS he: . Massa,
here's de chap dat steal de onions Whew
do smell him bref"
IN every great mans soul there is
a tinge Of melancholy. In the recesscs of
the thick branches and leaves of the mighty
oak, twilight fingers even through the mid
day.
A WRITER in one Of the Reviews was
boasting that he was in the habit of dis
tributing literary reputation Yes" re-
piled friend, and have done it so pro
lusely that you have left none for yourself"
NJ. BLoT. at Cincinnati, spoke
Spanish Proverh about salad making, which
runs thus; ITO make good salad requires
four men a spendthrift for oil. a miser for
vinegar, a SAGE fer salt and pepper, and a
mailman to stir it all up"
VEGETABLE PHIs!" exclaimed an
old lady, Don't talk to me about such stuff.
The best vegetable pill every made is an
le-dumpling for destroying gnawing
in the stomach there is nothing like il; ii
can always be relied on"
NEVER be critical upon the ladies'"
was the maxim of an old Irish peer. remark
aoie fvr his hen,oga to the sex q the only
way in the world that a true gentleman ever
Will attempt TO look at the faults Of aprettv
woman, is to shut his eyes
THIS conundrum is old, but is bad
enough to be rather good: . :, by Is a beg
gar with his toes out of his shoes like the
King Of Prussia Because the King Of
Prussia issues manifestocs, and a poor beg
& has manifest toes to his shoes"
a cLERGYMAN was once told by one
Of his parishioners Of story to his disad-
vantage, which was in circulation. g. Ah -
says he, d" DO they say 50 much about me
If they knew me half rs well as I know my
self, they might tell things much worse than
that with more truth"
On! my dear sir" said poor
sufferer to dentist, that is the second
wrong tooth you have pulled outl" VERY
sorry, sir said the bluudering operator,
9 but as there were only three altogeth er
when / commenced, I'm sure to he right
next time -
Is Dublin, a great Methodist orator
once attempted to preach from the text,
' Remember Lots wife" and made fail
ure- Afterwards remarkinE to DR.. Bond
that he did not know the reason Of his fail
ure, the venerable Doctor replied that q he
had better hereafter let other peoples wives
alone"
AT a fancy dress ball in Paris re-
Gently, a lady was seen in very low bodied
dress, while floating and waving an abund-
ance of green gauze. She was politely
asked by gentleman what she personated.
The sea, Monsieur" - At low tide, then
Madame" The lady blushed, aud the gen
tleman smiled.
THE friend Of a poor fellow wbo
lost his leg at Petersburg remarked that.
though manned, he would always have onc
good point Of a weIi-drilled soldier. his left
foot foremost" as it was permanently plant
ed 81 the front - Yes" said a wag. . he
left his left foot at the front; and DOW his
right foot is left"
NF.r.,,r (,rorr- S,>--, Lad tLa
question q" Which Of the two is guilty of
the greatest stupidity, an old man who mar
ries young wife. or an old woman who
marries a young husband :" II. Alexander
Dumas Jr-, replied: When an old man
. takes young wife he must expect every
thing; but when an old woman takes Young
husband she ought TO expect nothing"
Two GooD-NATURED Irishmen. on n
certain occasion, occupied the same bed In
the morning one of them inquired of the
other: Dennis. did you hear the thunder
last night 2" - No, Pat: did it railley thun-
der :" Yes, it thundered as if hiven and
airth would come togither." Why IN the
diyil, thin, didn't We wake me, for ye know
! l can't slape whin 1t thunders.
a MANS wife in South Bend. Ohio.
presented her husband with very fine bov
Next, morning the man stepped into the
Mayors office and stated that the night pre-
-yious fellow came stalking into his house,
stark naked that he was there ret Three
I policemen at once started on the run to oust
the intruder When they got 70 the house
thev asked 20 see the fellow that had come
in there the night before. The nurse bro't
cat the baby. The policemen suddenly dis
i appeared, and it Is supposed have had to
stand good many extra treats since.