Smyrna times., 1866-11-07

you mean to tell me that all these joints, these |
chops, these steaks, these filets, these Kidneys
these gravy -beetS, these loaves, these mullins,
these mixed biscuits, these teas, these sugars, |
these brandles, gins, cherries and beers, have |
disappeared in one week down Mrs. Bullwin- |
kle's thrOat?"
All, John, b" said my wife, sinking back on
the pillow with a groaH.
1t was impossible to look at the bills and be-
lleye 1t. L questioned and cross questioned my
wlte, and still elected nothing but one bewld-
ering answer: "All, my John" Determined
for am man of logical and judicial mind
to have this extraordinary case properly in
veestlgated, | took out my pocket-book and PEN
ell, and asked my wife if she felt str ing enough
to make few private entries for my satistac-
tIon Finding that she willingly accepted the
responsibility, | directed her to take down,
Tor her own personal investigation, statement
ot Mrs. Bullwlnkles meals and of the time
at which she partook of each of them, for
twenty-four hours, beginning with one morning
and ending with another After making this
arrangement, descended to the paror, and
took the necessary business measures for using
the cook as check upon her mistress llav-
ing carefully instructed her to enter, on the
kltchen-slate, everything that was sent up to
Mrs. Bullwinkle, for twenty four hours, felt
that my machinery for investigating the truth
was now complete If the statement of the
mistress, in bed on the second floor, agreed with
the statement of the cook, in the distant sphere
OF the Kitchen, there could then be no doubt
that had obtained perfectly correct state
ment OF the mysterious subject of Mrs Bull
winkle' meals
In due time the two reports were sent in, and
had an opportunity of understanding at last
what eating little and often" really meant
IN the case OF my wlfe's monthly nurse. tx
cept III one particular, to be hereafter advertcd
to, both statements agreed exactly Here is
the list, accompanied by correct Timetable
OF Mrs Bullwinkle'S meals, beginning with the
morning OF Monday and ending with the morn
ing OF Tuesday. | certify on my word of hon
or, as British husband and housekeeper, that
the copy is correctly taken from my wifes S en-
tries IN my, poe book, checked impartially
by the cooks slate
7-Breakfact-tea, toast, halfquartcm loaf
eggs, bacon. 9.3O-frst morning snack-a
glass OF pale sherry and plate Of mixed bis
cults. ll-secOnd morning snack-a basin of
beet tea, and tumbler of brandy and water.
l.. 2.41-Dlnner-a roast loin of mutton and
mashed potatoes; with dinner, ale spced and
warmed; after dinner, a tumbler of hot gin and
water 3-atternoon snack-a glass of pale
sherry and plate of mixed biscuits / 80
tea and mullins. 7-evening snack--stewed
cheese, toast, and tumbler Of brandy and wa
ter.
9-Supper-nice juicy steak and two glasses
of beer second course-stewed cheese and a
tumber of gin and water.
Additional particulars mot vouched for by
the cooks slate) ).-During the night of Mon
day Mrs. Bullwnkle partook, at intervals, of
caude. At $40 y. NJ, on the morning of
Tuesday, my wife was awakened by hearing the
nurse walking up and down the room, signing
bitterly. The following conversation then took
| place between them:
! My WIFE" Are you ill?"
| Mrs. Buliicmkie-" No Hungry"
can certify that the above list correctly and
even moderately represents Mrs. Bullwinkle's 5
daily bill of fare for one month. | can assert,
from own observation, that every dish, at every
hour OF the day, which went up to her, inva-
rlably came down from her empty. Mrs. Bull
winkle was not a wasteful eater. She could
fully appreciate, in roast meat, for example,
the great value of lean" but she was not on
that account insensiblc to the humber merits
of fat, skin, and outside" All--emphatical-
y al-was fish that came to her net and the
net itself, as can personally testify, was new
er once Oycrweighed and never out Of order
| have watched, in the case of this perfectly
unparalleled human cormOrant, for SYMPTOMS
OF apOpeXy, or at least of visible repletion,
with dreadful absorbing interest," and have,
on no occasion, been rewarded by making the
smallest discovery.
Mrs Bullwinkle was never, while in my SER
wee, even so much as partially intoxicated. -
Her face was never flushed; her articulation
[ was never thickened; her brain was never con-
. FUSED her movements were never uncertain. =
\ After the breakfast, the two morning snacks
and the dinner-all occurring within the snacf
of six hOurs-she could move about the room
+ with unimpeded freedom of action; could kecr
my wife and the baby in a state of the strictes
y discipline; could courtesy magnifcently wher
1 the unOttendlng master, whom she was eatin,
out OF house and home, entered the room pre-
serving her color, her equilibrium, and he
staylaces, when she sank down and when sh
swelled up again, without the vestige of an ap
i parent effort. During the month of her de
/. vastating residence under my roof she had tw
n hundred and tOrty-elght meals, including tn
snacks; and she went out of the house no lar
y ger and no redder than she came in. After tn
r statement Of one such fact as that, further com
ment is superhuous.
leave the case in the hands of the medica
r. and married public. present it as problem
d to physiological science. | offer it as warnin
# to husbands with limited incomes. While
, write these lines, while l give my marie
W countrymen this friendly caution, my wife
If weeping over the tradesmen's bills; nv chi
a dren are on one-half allowance of food; IN
IS cook is worked off her legs; my purse is emf
II ty. Young husbands and persons about
,e marry, commit to memory the description
here given of my late monthly nurse Avoi
III tall and dignifed woman, with flowing styl
Ie Of conversation and impressively lady-like mar
Of ners Beware, my struggling friends, my fe
a low-tOilers along the heavily y-taxed highways
u domestic happiness-beware of Mrs. Bullwil
sn so kle!