Mineral Point weekly tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1859-1868, 1866-10-03
Aunt Betty on Matrimony.

Now, girls, said Aunt Betty, put
down your embroidery and worsted
work, do something sensible, and stop
building air-castles. and talking of
lovers and honevmoons it makes me
sick, its perfectly antimonied. Love
is aforce-matrimonv Is humbug ;
husbands are domestic Napoleons, Ne
roes, Alexanders, signing for other
hearts to conquer after they are sure
of yours. The honeymoon is as short
lived as lucifer match after that you
NAV wear out your wedding dress at
the wash-tub, and your night cap to
meeting, and your husband wouldn't t
know it. You may pick up your own
pocket-handkerchiet, help yourself to
a chair, and split your gown across the
back reaching over the table to get a
piece of butter, while he is laying in
his breakfast as if it was the last meal
he should eat in this world. When he
gets through he viii aid your diges,
tion (while you are slipping your last
cup of Coffee by inquiring what you'll
have for dinner, whether the cold
lamb was all ate yesterday if the
charcoal is all out, and what you gave
for the last green tea you bought.
Thus he gets up from the table,
lights his cigar with the last evenings
paper that you have not had a chance to
read gives to or three whiffs of smoke,
sure to give you a headache for the
afternoon, and as his coat-tail is van
ishing through the door, apologies for
not doing" that errand for yesterday,
thinks it doubtful if he can to-day
q so pressed with business"
Hear of him at eleven o'clock, TAX
ing an ice-cream with some ladies at
Einton's while you are at home new
lining his coat-sleeves. Children by
the ears all day, can't get out to take
the air, feel as crazy as a fl Y in drum !;
husband comes home at night, mods
" how dye do, Fan?' boxes Charley's
ears, stands little Fanny in the corner,
puts his feet over the CRATE, shutting
out all the fire, while the baby's little
pug-nose grows blue with the cold,
reads the newspaper, all to himself,
solaces the inner man with a hot cup
of tea, and Just as You are laboring
under the hallucination that he viii
ask YOU to take a mouthful of fresh
air with him, he puts on his dressing
gown and slippers, and begins to reck-
on up the family expenses! after
which he lies down on the sofa, and
YOU keep time with your needle while
he snores till . o'clock.
Next morning ask him TO leave YOU
little money, he looks at you as if to
be sure that YOU are in your right
mind, draws a sigh long enough and
strong enough to initiate a pair Of bel
lows, and asks you "what you want
with it, and if half dollar wont do"
Gracious king !! as if those little shoes
and stockings, and petticoats could
be had for halfa dollar O, girls set
your affections on cats, poodles, par
rots, or lap-dogs--but let matrimony
alone It's the hardest way on earth
of getting a living-you never know
when vour work is done up. Think
of carrying eight or nine children
through the measles, chicken-pox
mumps, rash, and scarlet-fever, some
of 'em twice over; it makes my head
ache to think of it. O! YOU may
scrimp and save, and twist and turn,
and dig and delve, and economic AND
DIE. and your husband will marry again,
and take what vcu have saved to dress
his second wife with, and she'll take
your portrait for tire-board but
what's the use Of talking? ? I'll war
rant every one of you'll try it, the
Il Z