The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1866-05-11
Mr.. Ne'by Dreams n Dream on the
sf"os of the Mhits rpe"--

CONFEDERATE X n Ans. witch isin the
stat of kentucky,) April 80 1856
] have bin TO Washinton. Tba
Ablishn Postmaster at the Corner
had become to me a nitemare. Da,
alter day seed him q handlin guy
ernment money, drawin his saler,
promptly and takin his drinks REQ
ulerly, while !, a Constooshnel Dim.
ekrat, a supporter NV our great and
good President, wuz forced TO th,
humiliashun NV waitin till / WI;
treated, ceptin when new grocer,
Keeper cum in, which gave mo (
chance to establish credit for 4
short time. felt that sumthln mus,
be done, and, therefore, went tc
Washinton.
KNOWN that for men NV nv pro.
found convicksliins, holdin nv views
ez consiliashen and sich, he'd no call
to go to the Postmaster. G General, who
is Ablishnist, went direckly Ia
the Second Jaxon hisself. succeed.
ed in gettin audience late in the af
ternoon. Our patron saint wuz O
sittin at table eggsausted with re.
ceevin delegashens and sich.
"Wellp' sed he. ...
"Honerd and spected SIR" said ]
81 am n applicant for the post ords
at Confedrit X Roads, wich is a,
present held by Ablishnist who
does not believe in yoor policy, wicll
| do believe in solcmnIy. Spected
and honercd sir" scd |, ''ef / shood
have twins born TO me this mite
shood name EN- both Policy"
"Wich State are 700 lromY" sed he
half asleep. ...
"From Kentucky, honercd and
spected SIR" sed |. ...-..
"Well," sed he, .yawnin feerfully,
and turnin to a clerk, "FiLL OUT A
PARDON AND GIVE HIM A COMMISSION. -
"Honered and spected SIR" sed I,
in lit OF loonacy, for wich l CAM
account, 81 don't need a pardon. ]
wuz never in the late lamented Con.
fedrit servis."
"What'n thunder then are yoo here
for begin post offs? Git out, yoo
imposter," and wuz too wunst lingo
miniously showed to the door. /
didn't quite understand the lay NV
the land around the White House.
In vane tried to git back that |
might convince him l did cz much
for the Confcderasy ez my humble
abilities permitted, and that needed
consiliatin ez badly ez anybody
Then hart broke and dead broke, not
hevin the wherewith to prokoor more
sootable lodgin, lay me down on
the cold stun steps and sought refuge
from my troubles in sleep.
l dreamed dream. Methawt
wuz IN room in the White House.
Stretched out on one side NV the
room wuz the corpse NV n giant, a
monster in size and strength, but
withal NY a pleasin presence and fair
to look upon Onto its head was a
liberty cap, and by its side wuz q
sword considerably dintcd, and with
all the gildin knocked of. F,.s
swat is these" sed ], pointin to
the corpse, askin n sort NV a attend.
unt. 4 .rarT ... ....
"Thcm," replied he, sis the derunct
carcass NV II, ,publikinism. lie was
hefty yooth in his day but he died
this mornin. Look! the mourncrs
are comm TO divide his clothes"
And shoor enuff they came in. At
the head wuz the second Jaxson
wich the Abllshunits derisiyely call
Moses, who appeared to bc angry,
and clost behind him wuz Seward q
weepin out NV one eye and q smilin
out NV tother, and Jim Lane who he'd
a handkerchief wich he occasionally
put to his eyes, but wich i notist wuz
ez a lime kill, and Doolittle and Lee
and Raymond and Bcauregard and
.Cowan and Stephens and rhurlow
Weed and Vallindighum and Gov.
Sharkey and u host nv others, all NV
whice ranged themselves around the
bier
"He wuz a promisin yooth," scd
Seward, a putin his handkerchief to
his eyes, "but the atmosphere NV tue
White House wuz too much for him.
/ insist, however" scd he pocketin
the handkerhcr aud takin hold NV a
trinket tho corpse held in his hand
labelled "Presidcncy, 1865" from
wich hung morn million nv smaller
trinkets "that cz twas me that pizen.
ed him, this is mine"
"Nary," sed Johnson, 81 did the
biziness for him, and it's mine"
"Settle it ez 700 please" sed Ray
mond, gently, "but whoever gifts il
must remember that this Secretary
ship is Lime" ....
"And l." sed Doolittle, "must he,
for my assistance, this little aflai
marked, 'St. James for my seat il
the SENT is goner."
"For my part sed Jip Lane. 18th
western appointments is mine. 1t
worth elm all TO war tins collar"
"My frinds," sed Stephens, 81 fin
no amnesty about the corpse. Their
must be one manufactured and stuc
in his pocket to be prodoost at tn
funersl.o sa 3 f