Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1866-04-17
Miscellaneous.


A mean fiddler is always getting into
bad scrapes.
Why is horse like the letter O.? Be-
cause makes it go. =.
When may mans pocket be empty and
yet have something in it? When it mas
hole in it.
full sportsman Because she bags her hair
ut is shame" said a starved corset
maker "that l, who have stayed the stom-
achs of thousands, should be without bread
myself"
"A fellow was told at tailor's shop that
three yards of cloth, by being made wet, would
shrink one-quarter of yard. "Weli. them"
he inquired, ''if you should wet quarter of
yard, would there be any Of it left
-Cork-screws have sunk more people than
cork-jackets will ever keep up.
The man who was hemmed in BY crowd,
has been troubled with stitch in his side ever
since.
MIR. H., is your customer B. man to be
trusted ?" Il know of no one more so. You
can trust him forever-he never pays"
-'Biddy, did you put egg in the coffee
to settle it., Yes, mum. 1 put in four they
were so bad had to use more of them
"A reporter says Of storm at sea-
"while the storm was at its height the vessel
reeled to the larboard, the captain and another
cask of whiskey rolled overheard"
-"Well, Bob, what did you clear by your
last speculation p said friend to his COM
panion. Clear" answered Bob with frown,
why, I cleared my pockets
- An lrlhman came to DR.. Russell and
said, .'Arrah, docther, it is use to give me an
emetic, 4 tried it twice in DoobIin and it
would not stay on my stomach either time
Jim, I believe that Sambo has got no
truth in him. You don't know, nigga
dere's more truth in dat nigga dan in all de
rest on de plantaton' How you make dat?
'He never lets any OUT
- a subscriber writes to Western editor
IL don't want your paper any louger'
to which the editor replics-'.I would not
make it any longer if you did. Its present
length suits me very well'
A Yankee captain was caught in the
jaws OF whale, but was finally rescued, bad
ly wounded. On being asked what he
thought while in that situation, he replied
Il thought he would make about forty barrels"
Daddy, want to ask you a question"
.Well. my son." ''Why is BecE's liquor
shop like counterfeit dollar 2" 81 can't
tell my SON." Because you can't pass it,
said the boy.
-"Be moderate in all things" as the bow
said to his schoolmaster, when the latter was
whipping him.
-Sambo had been whipped for stealing his
masters onions. Ore day he brought a
skunk in his arms Says he, 'Massa, here's
de chap dat steal de onions. Whew smell
him bref!<
- Newspaper borrowers-may theirs be
life of single blessedness NAV their path he
ParDefpd with
nights be haunted with knocked knecd TOM
cats.
IF lady yawns five times in succession,
young man; you may get your hat.
IL don't miss my church so much as YOU
suppose" said lady, to her minister, who
had called upon her during her illness, ''for
l make Betsey sit up by the window as soon
as the bells begin to chime. and tell me who
are going to church, and whether they have
got anything new"
- AT ball, at the Duchess Of Boiano's in
Paris. recently. her sister, the Princess of St.
Ella, appeared as the Press, in a robe covered
with the pages and titles of several journal.
printed on satin.
Tho truly illustrious are thew who do
not count the praises of the world, but per-
form the actions which deserve it.
We must look for happiness in the world,
not in the things of the world but within
ourselves. in our tempers, and in our hearts
- Many an excuse for duty neglected and
sins committed lisa mere overhaul for falschood
-"po you know the prisoner, Mr.. Wig
gins % Yes to the bone" s'What is his
character?" Didn't know he had any,"
"Does he live near your" $50 near that he
has only spent 5s, for frewood in eight years"
- Mrs. Darlington asks, very Indignantly,
II the bills before Congress are not couner-
felt, why there should be so much difficulty
in passing them.
- Henry Ward Beecher compares the radi-
Gals in Congress to monkeys in cocoanut
tree, pcIting the President from safe dis
lance.
A curious story is going the rounds, of
mistake in mustard plaster at a hotel. A
lady, whose husband was suffering froro collie
got up at midnight and went to fetch a mus
tard poultice. In her agitation she mistook
the room on her return and went into one
where there was light burning as dimly as
that she had left-a SOON altogether similar,
and apparently her husband in bed fast asleep
She applied the mustard poultice to his chest
and sat quietly at his bedside till it began to
draw; but it drew an infrriated scream from
the poor fellow who had been the subject of
her unconscious sOlicitude At the sound of
the unaccostomed voice the nature of the
accident which had befallen her and her pa
tient was at once visible, and she rushed head
long from the mustard man into the ms.of
her liege lord, Both parties told their story
- the next day, and had to leave amidst the
laughter of the occupants.