The Van Buren press., 1866-09-01

Get married, Young man, and be quick
about it, too. Don't wal, for the NIleni
hun, hoping that the girls will turn to an
g,ls, before you trust yourself with one O
them. y pretty, thing yoa'd be alongsid,
an angel, wouldn't you--you brute Don't
wait another day, but right now-ths vo-
ny night ask some nice, industrious girl to
80 into partnership with you, to clear your
pathway Of thorns, and plant it with flow
ers. Suppose she "kicks you, don't YOU
know, you blockhead, that there is such a
thing as trying again, and that the min.
nows have bitten at the hook and run away
there is now chance to catch a better fisn.
Marrying won't hurt you----it won't. Ifll
sew the buttons on your shirt, and mend
your brceches and your manners too-it
will. Ift
Going to get ont Of this subiugated
country, and try your fortune in Mexico
and Brazil, reyoa? Well. if Won will
go, take somebody with you that will love
and care for you where all others are indif-
ferent to your welfare But don't go-at
least for time. Get msrriea. There was
never better time, for we are all subiuga-
ted rebels, together, and no one will make
remarks about the Scantiness of your ward.
robe, or the coarseness1 of your furniture.
Iou can cut the wood, and she can do the
cooking, with nice little stove that won't
cost very much.
Plenty of freedwomen to wash and iron,
and clean up generally Stop your whin-
ing about being poor, aud get married.
stop drinking whisky, chewing tobac-
co, and playing cards. and save the money
thus foolish y--worse than foolishlv spent.
Your wife--that is to bc--will take care Of
your savings. and furnish you in return
with womans affection, aud pure coffee to
warm your frozen nature.
Het married-you. especially. who are
are IN the . scar and yellow leaf "of bach
elorism, and if you don't may you freeze
TO death some Of these cool nights. You
ought to freeze. you good for nothing, but
fonless creature. ..t,
-- a young gentleman who had been
absent from home long time, serving as u
soldier, returned and was met at the cars by
nearly oil the young ladies of the i" region
round about" each anxious to grasp the
hand Of one who had endearcd himself to
their hearts by acts Of heroism, gallantry
and devotion to country After the crowd
of ladies had dispersed, he asked one of
his sisters
"Sis, there's been good many marriages
since l went away, has there not -
"Only one or two,' replied Sis, I" a nd
they left town Immediately but why did
you ask ?' '.@
Isn't Miss A. married ?" he que
red. ''a.t' q - "a
No,"rcplied Sis 1 I'.L1
Nor Miss h - tiy
Nor Miss d wo.asirg1u-'J.
"Oh, Charley" replied Sis, comprchen.
ding at once the cause of her brothers
mistake =" oh, hdfs only hoops % '.- 1'A
Charles determined thereafter pay at
tention 70 wise axiom, '' Judge not by ap.
pearance, but judge righteous judgement.
f.s
"A girl being asked to mite herself
in the silken tie, ,endetly limited that May
was an unlucky month for marrying.
Well, make it June then,' honestly re-
piled the. swain, anxious to accommodate.
The damsel paused moment, hesitatcd,
cast down her eyes, and with a modest
blush, said /; Wouldn't April do as
well ?" - ~
- a Mrs. Smith having lost her fns-
band. concludes the best way is to adver-
tise, which she does, after this fashion:
W" Lost, strayed or stolen. AN individu-
al whom /, in a pressingly urgent
moment Of loneliness was thouehtless
enough to adopt as my husband. He is
q good-looking and feeble individual know
ing enough, however, to go in when it rains
unless some goodlooking girl offers him
the shelter of her umbrella. Answers TO
the name of jim. Was last seen ia the
company Of Julia Harris, walking with his
arm around her waist, up the plank road,
looking more like fool if possible than
ever. Anybody who viii catch tho poor
fellow, and bring linn carefully back, so
that l can chastise him for running
away. will bo invited to stay to tea by
lfa isa .l. s7sl MARY A. SMITH.
-" Pa" saidlittle Channie to his
paternal ancestor, holding up Sunday
school picture-book, "what is that %
THAT, my son." gravely replied the
father, sis Jacob wrestling with the an
gel" q
"And which licked, pa ?" innocently
continued the young hopeful.
F-s--- A picture in Punch called " Rath
'erCute," represents man at o ticket of
ficc. a
"Lset hsre.'Y's he says, you didn't Civ,
me the.tight change, Just now p
Clerk" Too late, sir You shoul,
have spoken when you took your ticket 7
Passenger" Should /? We'll, it's O
no consequences to me, but you gave me
half . sovereign too much.