The Van Buren press., 1866-08-25
How Ministers are Bored.

a gentleman, living IN house that
had previously been occupied by q
popular clergyman, at Rochester, n Y,
was so constantly bored by all sorts. OF
travelling agents and other bores, that he
posted card ON his door, addressed " to
oil whom ii may concern running thus
"Dr - does not live here. lie has
moved away, and will not occupy this house
again till May 10, 1867. In consequence
of this, the present incumbent has decided
to suspend the tree list. No looks, maps,
pictures, stationery or recipes of any kind
wanted No history of the Rebellion,
whether written by Greeley or jeff Davis.
Raye no desire to put my name in any sub
scripton book in order that it may be used
for influence. Have no cid clothes except
those l am now wearing, and the customs
OF modern society are unfortunately such
that cannot dispense with them. Have
40 cold pieces. for we cannot get money en-
on,gh to purchase at one time more than we
car eat at one meal, consequently proprie-
tors ,,f boarding houses will have to look
elsewh.'re Cor supplies, This house will OF
be kept as a hotel, and warm meals, at all
hours, "a not be furnished. Have not a
spear Of hay in the barn, nor single oat,
and have 40 taken care Of horses since
drove on the cana |, which means that we
have no room for Lorses or donkies either
Have no vacant rooms or beds to spare for
agents, elders. hggas, spunges, leechcs,
professional bores, see iy students, soldiers,
sailors, negroes, I. 'eedlpen's aid society
agents, rebels or abo. 'itio.lists, even though
ministers in neighbos. ng Gowns and cities
have told them to be sn re 10 call here. No
money to spare for any Of the above indi,
viduals or enterprises VII ich they represent,
eve en- though it be for the laud able object of
furnishing Unborn Africa. children with
red flannel nightcaps and Fl. nc tooth combs.
In word, the minister d, ont live here
now, and old things have passed away,
and all things have become ew. .
- An amusing story is to Id of Rocky
Thomas, who enjoys quite mt toriety on
the plains, for his genial nature md spark
ling wit. Rocky served for seven years in
the -th regiment, U. S. A. with tho rank
of Sergeant
While his regiment was static ned in
Texas, several years ago Sergeant Rocky
had charge OF corral. One morning two
mules were found dead, which fact was
promptly reported to the Colonel who G, we
the laconic drag them out, which was fort h
with done. 1t occurred to Rocky that if
the mules were dragged back into the enclo
sure that night. he could remove and sell
two mules dead, as he had done previously. !
The mules were accordingly drawn back. /
andother mules sold, and the morning re-
port. two mules dead evoked the same or.
der--drag them out. LII.
The ruse WAS practced several success
i've nights until the suspicious of the colo
el.were aroused that something was wrong,
and he determined to keep watch the fol-
lowing night. About midnight, he espied
from bis Office window the euterpriSing
Rocky in the act of dragging the veritable
mules into the corral. lie raised the win.
dow and shouted
Sergeant, you had better get fresh
mules-those are about worn out p
Rocky quit his mule speculation and ser.
vcd brief time in the guard honse. r,1
g - At prayer meeting in Washing
ton, on the morning after the assassination
Of President Lincoln, coored man, pray
ing for vengeance on the murderer, said
:" Now, Lord, jess glib it to em right smart,
and don't be SO merciful as you generally
am."
-- An Irishman who had left his ma
tive country. and sought an asylum in
America, because it was land Of liberty,
was attacked on his rst'arrival in Decenl.
ber. bys furious mastiff He stopped to
pick up stone to defend himself, but the
stone was frozen fast. by my SOUL"
says Fat, what q swate country, where
the dogs are let loose, aud the stones tied
fast"
-" Who's there ?" said Robinson,
one cold winter night. disturbed in his re-
pose by same one knocking at tho stree,
door. A FRIEND" was the answer.
What do you wantg' "Want to stay
here all night. Queer taste, amt il !?
but stay there, by all MEANS" was the be.
nevolent reply. wt
-" Amt it wicked to rob dis chicken
soost, George p "Dat's grea. moral
question, Sam, we amt got no time to or.
que it now, hand me another pullet''
- Young gentlemen who would pros
per IN love. should WOO gently. 1t is no
fashionable for young ladies to take arden
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