The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1866-07-19
Anoerso1r gntslligetreer.
Scraps. Facts and Fancies.


fer? Embraces.
The man who courts q young lady
in the starlight probably expects to get a
wife in q twinkling.
"Bob, did you know that Miss b.
was drowned to-dayw mo, how did it
happen?" "Her waterfall bursted."
Josh Billings says: "God save the
phools, and don't let 'em run out, for if it
warn't for them wise men conld not get
q living"
The women must think that we men
are great robbers; we are all the while
going about robbing them of their names.
= An old lady, hearing somebody say
the mails were very irregular, said, "lt
was just so in my young days-no trust
ing any of 'em."
A Western paper strikes the names
of two subscribers from its list because
they were recently hung. The publisher
saws he was compelled to be severe, be-
cause he did not know their present ad-
dress.
"A lady asked a noted doctor if he
did not think the small bonnets the ladies
wore had tendency to produce con-
gestion of the brain. "Oh, no." replied
he, "ladies who have brains don't wear
them"
"A Western paper, in describing the
debut of a young orator, says that she
broke the ice felicitously with his open
ing sentence, and was almost Immediately
drowned with applause"
1t was said in the olden time that
the body was more than raiment; but
now the raiment is often great deal
more than the body in value, and full
five times as much in circumference.
- "Intellectual measles" is new and
very appropriate name given by a news
paper for poor poetry. Every victim
taken with the disease always seems de-
sirous of imparting it to the editor near
est his place Of residence.
Mrs. Wiggles expressed her disap-
pointment the other day, on taking up
the paper, thus:
aLor' sakes, their amt single living
person dead that 1 know. 1t seems to
me there amt no news in this ere paper"
-"Your fat is all in the fire." said a
eorpulent stump-speaker, of three hun
dred pounds averdupois, addressing him
self to his opponent. "If yours were, we
should have a foretaste of the genera
conAagration," replied the latter.
-"Ma," said little nrchin, peeping
from beneath the bed-clothes, III am cold
Iwant some more cover on the bed"-
Clio still, my DEAR" said the mother
s'until your sister comes from church ; she
has got the comforter for bustle."
A schoolmaster lately illustrated the
necessity of corporal punishment for the
correction of juvenile depravity, with the
remark that "the child, when once started
in course of evil conduct, is like loco
motive on the wrong track-it takes the
ssswitch" to get it Off"
To cure Hoarseness, take the white
of two eggs, and beat them; two spoon
fuls of white sugar; crate in little nut
meg, then add pint of lukewarm wa
tor Repeat the prescription if necessary
and it will cure the most obstinate case ot
hoarseness in q short time.
= An old Dutch tavern-keeper had hii
third wife, and being asked for his views
on matrimony, replied, "Vell, den, yor
see, de first time married for love-da1
wash goot; denI married for beauty
dat wash goot too, about as goot as the
first; but dish time l marrics for monisl
and peter as poth."
-sSay, boss, whars gwine to sleep?'
asked a stalwart freedman of the over
seer after he had been six weeks On the
plantation.
@sleepl why where in the thunder
have you been sleeping since 1 hired you?
"Well, boss, Is bin sleepin' on top Nv
sick niger since rs bin here; but he'l
got we'll now, and won't stand dat kline
of dirn foolishness no longer"
-"Oh, Jennie, an did you never hea,
ov my spaach afore the Hibernian So
ciety?" "No. Pat, how could I, for sure
1 was not on the ground" "Well, Jem
mie, you see I was called upon by the
Hibernian Society for spaach; and, be
jabers, rose with enthusiastic cheers o.
thousands, and tins of thousands, with
nv heart overdoMing with gratitude. ano