Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1866-02-01
NUMBER sc.
FUN, FACTS AND FACETIE.

| rO0R consolation To us survivors that "the
good die first
WHEN we think of good angels are silent
when we do it they rejoice.
A distinguished teacher defines genius TO
be the power Of making efforts.
THUNDER threatens but never strikes. The
bolt comes from a silent source
Hoes have an excellent ear for music
but 1t takes dog to pitch the tune
The best government is that in which the
law speaks instead of the lawyer
MoTHER.-What comfort there is in the
name which gives assurance of love that can nei
ther change or fail.
The remains of bachelor who "burst in
to tears" at reading description of married life,
has been found.
HERE IL men ov so much learning impi
dence that tina wouldn't hesitate to critisize the
song of a bird
MosT of the shadows that cross the path
way in life are caused by standing in our own light
No snow falls lighter tn an the snow of
age none heavier, for it never melts.
DOMESTIC agazines-Wives who are al
ways blowing up their husbands.
In woman-if she ever became old
WHEN man passes day without reflect
ion, he might well excaim at night Il fear have
done something wrong"
a COquette uses her lover like boauet
-earries him about a certain time for amusement
or show, and then quietly picks him to pieces
A contemplativc life has more the appear
ance of life of piety than any other but is the di-
vine plan to bring faith into activity and exercise
WHAT a fool p said Patty Prim. when
she heard of the capture ofJeff. Davis .'of course
the men would all run after him if he was dressed
as woman, and he was sure to be caught"
MY German friend, how long have YOU
! been married. VEL dis is a ting vot seldom
don't like to talk about, but I does, it seems
so long as it never vas"
"WHAr is colonizing, ma ?" queried a
hopeful miss OF seventeen. '-Colonizing nv dear ="
replied her mother, lis having home and raising
a family ooh ma, how would like to colonize.H
exclaimed the expectant daughter
/ "MY dear Nicholas" said Lord Strane-
ford, Il am very stupid this morning my brains
are all going to the dogs poor dogs :" replied
his friend.
/ DR.. JOHNSON said of widower who was
about to marry, that it was remarkable case of
/ lHe llllllH Oh nope over experience.
TINE works wonders" as the lady said
when she got married after an eight wears court
! ship
| IT was the custom of an old lady who
formerly entertained travellers, before her guests
commenced meal to ask a blessing, which she
generally concluded in this wise make us truly
thankful for the food before us. Nancy hand
around the corn bread first, and then the biscuit
atterward Amen.
! 4 physician, who is a truly pious man,
was speaking in Il prayer meeting lately of the duty
of impressing the idea ofsayation upon those near
death, and of physicians opportunities in this
way, and made use of the following language: For
my own part, 1 am never called to see a patient
without feeling delighted to learn that he is pre-
pared to die"
FLATTERY is like a fail. which, if not
adroitly used will box your own ears instead of tick
ling those of the corn.
No pains will be spared" as the quack
said when saving off poor fellows legto cure him
of the rheumatism.
Daniel Webster used to say that the word
ecolld in Rufus Choat's hand writing resembled q
small gridiron struckb lightning.
AN exchange paper begins a forcible ap-
peal to its delnquents by this touching appeal =
1--WE must dun or must be dome
A BOY entered stationery store the 9TH
er day and asked the proprietor what kind OF pens
he sold. 'All kinds, was the reply. "Well then I'll
take three cents worth of pig-pens."
Why are the Southern negroes now like
United States bonds because they are non-tax-
able property; and because they are a burden upon
the poor white men.
He who indulges his sense in any excess
ses renders himself obnoxious to his own reason,
and to crafty the brute in him dspleases the man,
and sets his two natures at variance.
Glow is it, my dear, that you have never
kindled flame in the bosom of any man ?" said
old lady to her pretty niece To which the young
lady replied 1.-The reason, dear aunt, is as you well
know, chat ! am not good match"
\ GOOD story is told of Methodist, at
whose house an itinerant preacher was passing the
night who, when bed time came and family pray
ers were suggested, in searching for Bible final
ly produced couple of torn leaves of the good
book, with the naive remark, II didn't know i vas
so out of Bibles.
Theodore Hook once said to man at
whose table publisher got very drunk why
you appear to have emptied your wine cellar into a
bookseller.
81 WANT to buy sewing machine" said
an old lady, entering a shop. 'Do you wish for n
machine with feller? inquired the clerk. ''Sakes
no don't want any of your fellers about me"
JANE, has that surly fellow cleared off
the from the pavement" 'Yes, sir" did
he clear it off with alacrity?' ''No, sir with a
shovel"
AN lrisman was about to marry q South
girl for her property. ''Wil you take this wo-
man for your welded wife" said the minister
! ''Ies, your reverence and the nagers, too.
A Yankee being asked by Southerner
why Yankees always say II guess" while the
Southern people say Il reckon" gave the follow
ing explanation That Yonkee could guess as
well IS Southerner could reckon.
Orr "devil" says, the reason why the
printers are agreeable to nice young ladies, is
because their words are always ohaste Chased
VINO was the first jockey adam, for he
was the Father of the Race.
WHY is an cruptive disease an advantage
to a man in Jail because when he gets it lie
breaks out
The man who took walk the other
day brought it back again but the next day he
took ride and has not since been heard from.
One of our exchanges praises an egg,
which it says was 'laid on our table, by Rev. Mr..
Smith Mr.. Smith seems to be layman as well
as a minister