The Portland daily press., 1866-12-28

CHAMBERMAIDs-Agains all chambermaids
of whatsoever age or nationality, 1 launch the
curse of Bachelordomi
Because
They always put the pillows at the opposite
end OF the bed from the gas bnrner, SO that
while you read and smoke before sleeping las
| is the ancient and honored custom of bachelors
you have to hold your book aloft, in an uncom-
Portable position, to keep the light from dazzling
your eyes, ..
When they find your pillows removed to the
other end of the bed in the morning, they re-
ceive not the suggestion in a friendly spirit
| but glorying in their absolute sovereignty, and
Implying your helplessness, they make the
bed just it was originally, and gloat in secret
over the pang their tyranny will cause you
If they cannot get the light in an inconven-
lent position any other way, they move the
bed.
Ii you put your trunk out six inches from the
| WALL so that the lid will stay up when you open
| it, they always shove that trunk back again.
| They do it on purpose.
| If you want the spittoon in certain spot,
where it will be handy, they don't. And so
| they move it.
They always put your other boots into mac
cessible p!a,es. They chiefly enjoy de-
posting them as far under the bed as
the wall will permit. 1t is because this compels
YOU to get down in an undignified attitude and
make wild sweeps for them in the dark with
the bootjack, and swear
They always put the match box in some other
place. They hunt up new place for it every
day, and put bottle or other perishable glass
thing, where the box stood before. This is to
cause you to break that glass thing, cropping in
the dark, and get yourself into trouble.
They are forever and ever moving the furni-
ture. When you come in, in the night, you
calculate on finding the bureau where the ward
robe was in the morning. And when you go out
in the morning, if you leave the slop-bucket by
| the door and the rocking chair by the window,
when you come in at midnight, or thereabouts
you will fall over that rocking chair, and you
will proceed toward the window and sit down
in that slop-tub This will disgust you. They
like that.
No matter where you put anything, they are
not going to let it stay there They will take it
and move it the first chance they get. 1t is
their nature And besides, it gives them pleas
ure to be mean and contrary this way They
would die if they couldn't be villains.
They always save up all the old scraps of
printed rubbish you throw on the floor, and
stack Thorn up carefully ON the table and then
start the fire with your valuat lie manuscripts.
Ii there is any one particular old scrap that
you are more down on than any other, and you
are gradually wearing your life out trying to
get rid OF, You may take all the pains you posi-
bly, can in that direction; but it won't be of any
use, because they will ALWAYS fetch that old
scrap back and put it in the same old place
again every time. 1t does them good.
And they use up more hair-oil than any six
men. If charged with purloining the same,
they lie about it. What do they care about a
hereafter? Absolutely nothing.
Chambermaids are dead to every human in
stinct.
have cursed them in behalf of outraged
bachelordom. They deserve it. If I can get a
bill tn rough the Legislature abolishing cham
bermaids, mean to do it. MARX TWAIN
San Francisco, Nov. II, 1866.