Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-05-17
humorous

wo o indebted to the +" drawer OF
We OK Ma gazine for the following bits OF
hCmor: MI Iii ~,
Law without you leave one egg IN 1ne nee Gid
s said . motbsr to 3 child ase years at.o OH
"Do they keep the Egg egg i0i " p"''e
mother % asked the
I heard once Of an edito. In conf ne
city of Louisville that isn't bad. one o.
nome he was met at Cincinnati by Iii
two nersistept newsboys, screaming in :
ears, Here's Your Louisville Democrat
Journal, and Courier take a paper, sir !
take a paper - until they annoyed him,
and he said, eco away l make them
things!'' meaning the newspapers "Come
along, Bill I" shouted the impairment news
boy. at the top of his voice, to his COM
panion; sthat's the reason we can't sell
'em!"
in q small town in northern Indiana
an attorney by the name Of Ii was ar
guing question before Judge c., after
the court had plainly intimated it's view Of
the matter H persisted in his re-
marks, and the judge, who was in hurry
at the time, said:
s'The court has made up its mind on that
subject; if you don't think it is right, you
can take it up to the court of errors and
have the decision reversed"
elf this is not court of errors" was the
reply, "I would like to know where you
would find it,
Mr.. VIM. Randolph, one Of the lawyers
in the celebrated Gaines case, returned
home from a journey, and had purchased
some trinkets and toys for little Fan--among
others, one of these patent automaton rats
that run by clock work all around the room.
As it happened, brilliant little spark Of
femininity, the child Of friend, was unex-
pectedly present when the magic rat began
its peregrinations. There was little flash
of envy in her eyes, little pout on her lip,
as she pettishly said: '''Tisu't much /;
we've plenty of rats at our house; and you
don't have to wind ZEN up either !"
Poor eloquent Tom Marshall Poor
Toms cold now; but in his life he repre-
sensed at once the genius, passion, wit, and
worst follies and weaknesses Of Kentucky.
In his latter days he did not belong to more
than two or three temperance societies at a
time and once, in wild fever of dissipa-
ton, was taken to a room in the Mansion
house at Lexington by friend. When
there he found the old school-boy warning
that What goes up must come down" en-
tirely reversed, and his friend, hearing the
upheavings from the vastly deep, said:
Are you unwell, Mr. Marshall %
ooh no." was the reply; " only throwing
up for fun!"
An old fellow, who is original in all
i things, especially in exec sive egotism and
profanity, and who took part in the late
great rebellion, was one day blowing in the
village tavern to crowd Of admiring list
eners, and boasting Of his many bloody ex-
ploits, when he was interrupted by the
question:
i" say, old Joe how many rebs did you
kill during the war
g How many did [ kill, sir =? how many
rebs did I kill? Well, l don't know just
'zactly how many; but know this much-I
killed as many o. them as they did O. me! s."
Judge P, of Syracuse, n Y, al
though devoted to what many call Q dry
profession, nevertheless has high appre-
citation of joke, and tells one WELL The
| judge is an accomplished scholar and an
able mathematician. On recent occasion
he was endeayoring to perform that impos-
sibilty Of science-squarin the circle. OF
course he soon relinquished so hopeless
task; but his friends, willing to vex him by
recalling the visionary scheme, were con-
stantly asking the question:
"Judge, have you squared the circle
yet ,"
At last he surprised one of them by an
swering, eyes"
Why, Low, judge 2"
! 81 drove four-inch soantling through
knot-hole !"
Judge h, of northwestern Illinois,
tells the following story of his early prac'
tice:
Soon after I commenced the practice of
law I was engaged in trying small matter
of accounts before justice of the peace, an
other young lawyer being employed on the
other side There was not much to be said,
| it is true; and about the time we got
| through with the testimony I noticed the
justice figuring on piece of paper and
writing in the docket. AS soon as the last
witness was through got up to argue my
side Of the case. The court, VINO was Of
thirsty temperament, got up, and as he left
the bench said, coolly: Young men, you can
go on with your arguments | will be in
pretty soon. The judgment is $50!" We
didn't proceed.
i was in Grants army writes soldier,
operating against Vicksburg. Mcpherson
had already crossed the river near Grand
| gulf, and in action with the enemy had
taken quite number of prisoners. AS
they were being sent to Old camp, at
Young's point, they passed our division.
One of the prisoners was a great rawboned,
| giant scrt Of fellow, and attracted the
notice of all us &c Yanks." Many were the
remarks made to him Of both pleasant and
an insulting nature, but he seemed indifFer-
ent to all. When just opposite where l was
standing the prisoners were halted, and
feeling full of fun l thought I would have
some sport with the fellow above mentioned.
Stepping up to him, followed by quite
number of my comrades, | said:
How are you, Johnny? Where you
going?
Sup north, you old fool, where all south
ern gentlemen go for their health and plea
sure in the summer time !"
The " laf" was on me.
You don't know young Mr. Robert
Breckenridge perhaps. He stands very
high in the medical profession, havingflled
various responsible positions in college IA
culties and hospitals. heard pass be-
tween him and poor Phil. Poindexter, the
lawyer-God bless him he is lying under
the daisies in his own sunny south now
that is worth preserving We were at SIM