The Van Buren press., 1866-04-14
AphOrisms by Josh Billings.

Aphorisms by Josh Billings.
Men of genius are like eagles, that live
on what they kill, while men of talent are
lik crows, that live on what has been killed
for them.
Ignorance is bliss"-ignorancc of saw
ing wood for instance.
The burden NV many NV the songs that
IL writ IL the songs themselves.
All kinds NV bores are a nuisance, but it
is better to be bored with a 2-lnch orger
than a gimlet.
Shcken' up your nose don't prove any
thing. for p-boiler, when he is away
from home, smells everything.
The road to Ruin is always kept in good
repair, and the travellers pa the expenses of
it.
IT you kant max man think az you du
try to max him du az you think.
Young men be more anxus about the
peddygree you are going tn leave than yu
are about the sumbody left you.
There is only one advanta ge | can see
in going to the Devil, and that is the road
is easy, and you are sure to find the way.
The month of May, with h er lams at
play, is sum; but the month of July, with
her burning eye, is summer.
When mans dog deserts him on
akount Of his poverty, he kant get emmy
lower down in this world-not ,bi land.
The tax on undressed' poultry has
been reduced-tho morals of the kuntry
seems to requireit
- Some twenty years ago, a farmers
barn in the vicinity of Worce ster, was
struck by lightning and burne d to the
ground. Many Of the citizens had gone to
the fire, when fop, well-strapped and die
kied, with his cap on one side of his head,
met celebrated doctor, and acco sted him
after this wise:
Can you, ah, tell me, doctah, how far
they have succeeded in extinguishing the
conhagration Of the ah, unfortunate yeo-
mans barn
The doctor eyed the eindividual attentive
ly, dropped his head, as usual, for a mo-
ment, and then, slipping his thumb and
finger into his vest pocket. took out cou-
pie of pills and handed to him, saying:
"Take these, sir, and so to bed, and if
you do not feel any better in tho morning,
call at my office"
- A military defrition for kiss-a
report at headquarters.
What is worse than raining pitch
forks? Hailing ahnbuses.
Why is lady of fashion like success
full sportsman Because she bags the
hair
We admire thunder, but as for lightning
we were never struck by it.
We should not forget that life is flower
which is no sooner fully blown than it be-
gins to wither
The person who made the welkin ring
had an abundance OF brass. f} T
When is wave like an army doctor !?
When it is a surgin.
ouHS bccoWaA, OH pcliS "aheu Nhoth'
er he was going to keep Lent, replied with
great simplicity that nobody had borrowed
him yet so far as he was aware.
cit is great misfortune" says La
Bruyere, not to have mind enough tc
talk well, nor Judgment enough to be ST
lent"
&c have the best wife in the world" sait
long suffering husband, she alway'
strikes me with the soft end OF the broom.
:" How long did Adam remain in Para
disc before he sinned % said an amiab
spouse to her husband. It'll he got
wife," was the calm reply.
"A person was boasting that he wa
sprung from a high family in Ireland
i" Yes" said bystander. :" | have seel
some of the family SO high that their fee
could not touch the ground"
- When is echo like visiting ac
quaintance When she returns your call