The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-12-04
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

4 will forfeit my head if you are not
wrong exclaimed dull and warm ora
tor, to the president Montesquieu, in an
argument. 6ass5s - al.,.4 a5r
1 accept it. replied the philosopher;
ANY triHe among friends has value. S''0'
Lord Loughborough rallying75a physi-..
clan on the efficacy Of his prescriptions,
the doctor said he defed any Of bis pa ,
tients to find fault with him. s1essia5 lef3
That answered the witty lord, is exsa
actly what Jack Keich says. ss-aoK1
SIZE is NoTHING.-A talented young
African of the boot, black persuasloa,
while dancing like st. Vitus oYera Gus.
toners boots.the other day, observed q =
neighbor poring wisely over a newsbapef3e
whereupon he addressed him thus: 70 ge5
Julius what de debbel your lookin'
at that paper fur2 You can't read -.
$50 way, fellah," replied the other
Indignantly. ssGuess I can read. Use
big 'nuf for dat.'' .6ssissiaes1s basw
"Big 'nufl'' retortedT the first one, %
scornfully. "Dat ant snofin. A eow'sa
big nuff to cotch mice, but she can't do
it.n ,a n''l'as
What pity it is said 4 lady to Gar.
rick, you are not taller, s'T should be-
happy, indeed, madam replied Gafriick,s
'tO be higher in your estimatioua #a4s7o9
A lady asked her gardener Why thspo
weeds always outgrew and tcoyeredguna
the flowers. Madam, answered he, ssthe,n
soil is mother of the weeds, but only step.
mother Of the flowers se''' ''-''.=
Whats the mrtter, Uncle jerry. said ;,
Mi, as old Jeremiah R --------''
was passing by growing most furious
ly. ae ,Etza z
MATTER said the old man, stopping
short: "Why, here I've been lugging wa
ter all the morning for DR.. ,C's
wife to wash with. and what do you sup
pose got for it?
"Why, | suppose about tens cents,''
answered Mr. R. - ri yaia.os ere
"Ten cents. She, told me the doctor
would pull tooth for me some time !.
The rector Of a country parish was once,
requested to baptize male infant BY the
name Of Kanus. :. -
sVanus, said he to the godfather, Eerysi
sharply, sstuffiand nonsenset tn the firstq
place, Fenusis not aiman s named at albs
but woman's; and secondly, it. WAS the,
name of an UNANIMOUSLY bad weman,-s
You ought to be ashamed of yourself to
wish that any christian child should be So
named. 'aan aas e oagt1oazim YgeIo9mas
"Grandfeyther was ehristened dVahHs,'s'.
returned the sponsor, doggedly.s go ssa.,
your grandfather was christened Veaa
nus, sir! impossible! Is healiye! Where Is
her r yssafsss
At these words an elderly psrsenglook.i
ing as little like Venus as can; possibly,
be imagined, tottered slowly forth from
the congregation, for the christening was
taking place during the afternoon ssrs
vice. Geaa a1e' asfa g esegzi
is your name Venusa' inquirsdIthel
clergyman. rod e8 siuHsu
We'll, yes, sir; they do always call me-
Vanus.'
'Ani do you mean to say that you
were christened by that name? eTsiisi lledt
Yes, sir; at least I!beliege they write;
it outiSil-yanus. but the5always call me-
Vanus. ~ a.;,.aa
Uncle Jotham, said the youthful cons
nection of an old farmer, Meow, kin yeR
tell me herebouts-neow- far It's
tew Uncle Sylvanus's?' The sold nam
looked rather indignant and answered,
Toni are yew always going TO be sachia
cussed fale?. 'Havnt jew been there to
hayin' and haryestin'-to borrow neck
ropes and sich like, and didn't yew go
there yesterday to thresh; aud hwaffPt
yew there this very mornin' to driss the
cows to pastur; and here yew cemeneoW
to ask where Uncle Sylyanps' $ isl Don't
yew knovg Why, yes, Uncle Jothanl, 4
know wear it is myself wall nuf; batAs
neow-l am axing for this arr leetleiboy,
he wants to know. zev - 5sias sas
Why is tired man lik6,aH umbreila2
ba,o cod n, ,,f.