The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1866-12-10
CoNFEDRTT X ROADS,

less Hoax.
CoNFEDRIT X ROADS,
| (wich Is in the Stait NV Kentucky,)S
December Sd, 1856.
never wuz so elevated nor never SO
cast down in my life ez last mite, and
the entire Corners wuz ditto. The cir
cumStances NV the case wuz ez follows:
Me and party Nv friends wuz playin
draw poker with a Moo York CONNER
shel travler, believe they call 'em, a
teller with mustash and side whiskers
wich comes South talkin secesh and
sellin goods. He made some in
quiries about the standin Nv the deelers
at the Corners, and wuZ, after sed en-
quiries, eggstremely anxious to sell
EN- goods for cash. They wanted 'en
on ninety days time, and on this they
| split. He agreed with 'em in principle
/ l-he drunk to jeff Davis and Damned
Linkin hooently-but on the cash ques-
ton he wuz intlexible and immOvnble.
To while away the choice sperits, him
llncloOded, gathered in the Post Orfis, to
enjoy game Nv draw poker. There wuZ
me ana Square Gavitt, and Deekin Po-
gram and Elder Slathers and Moo
York drumme. We played till past
the wltchin hour of IL NJ, when grave
yards yawn and costs troop forth
| when the Moo Yorker MuCkusd. His
innocent, unreasonable bowels hadn't
nln dedicated up to the standard NV
Kentucky whisky, wich, new ez we
drink it, is pizen to foreigners. The
Deekin and Elder grabbed the stakes
wlch was onto the table, and ri1led his
| pockets on the suspicion that he wuz
a Ablishinist, and rolled him out, and
while in the very act, Pollock, the IL
linoy store keeper cum rushin in, askin
US eff we'd heard the news.
hedn't.
"I'm jist in from Louisville" sed he,
| II jist rode over from the stashen.
louisville is il blaze NV glory "
"Wat," j" sez I, "hez Sumner killed
Thad Stevens and immejitly commit
ted soOicide2"
"Nary," sez he, "but johnson and
Congress hev come together on the
bases Nv yoOniversal Amnesty, wich
wuZ proclaimed yesterday, to be fol-
lowed by yooniversal suffrage ez soon
ez the South kin conveniently do it.
/ They hey met and embraced on Horace
GreeIy's PLAN"
| Deekin Pogram bust into hysterical
latf, and in his joy handed me the pro-
ceeds Nv his eXplOrashen NV the pockets
NV Moo Yorker, and like a blessed old
lunatic broke for the meetin house. In
a moment or two the bells pealed forth
their joyous notes, and in a mint more
than half the dressed villagers wuZ seen
emergin from their respective domiciIes
4 in all styles NV attire. A few minits
! wuZ the occasion Nv the uproar, and a
more enthusiastic population never
woke the ekEos. Afore five minits he'd
rolled oil into eternity, ther wuz a bon
| fire blaZen on the North side NV the
| square, the sed bonfire being nigger
school house wich the Freedmen's Com
miSShn he'd erected, and wich our en-
thusiastic citizens he'd in their delirium
NV joy set fire to. 1t wuz emblematic.
Ihe smoke ez it rolled to the South me
thawt Assoomed the shape Nv olive
branch-the cry NV the nigger children
wich coodent escape, symbOlized their
deSertld cOndishn, and the smell NV
them ez they roasted wuz like unto in
cense, grateful to our nostrils.
Informal meetin wuZ TO wunst or
ganized by the lite of the bumin skool
house, to which Deekin POgram ad-
dressed hisself. He remarked that this
| wuZ solemn occasion, so solemn in
deed that he felt inadekate to express
the teelins wich filled him. His mouth
wuzen't big enough to give vent 10 his
sole, though eff he didn't he'd bust.
| WAT are we met for to mite, my friends
| said he, swat calls us together ?r
| Wherefore these sounds NV ioy-where-
! fore this fire, and wherefore is Bascon
sellin likker at half price? Becoz we
are rehabilitated-that's what we are.
Becoz the North hez gone into the olive
branch biZness nGin, and we hev wunst
| more our rites. We are amnestied. we
kin Yote--we kin go to Congress-we
are agin ciLIZens Nv the great Repub-
| lie
! Pollock, the Illinoy store keeper, riz
and begged permishin to say n word.
| He protested agin these Goins. He uu-
derstOod, akkordin to HorIis Greeley's
| plan, that yOoniversal suffrage wuz
TO follow yooniyersal amnesty-why
then this maxim John Rodgerses Nv the
| niggers? Wuz the South goin to act
| in good faiTh7
Deekin Pogram replied: The South
never yit broke plighted faith save
| when she Good make suthin by so doin,
| AT this present junkter Nv affairs he
| prosoomed the South wood extend, not
precisely universal suffrage to the ne
Rroes, but the way wood be opened to
EN-. Sich II mass NV ignorance Good
| never be trusted with the ballot without
| preparashen, and to prepare EN- wood
| be Overturniu the Kentucky theory,
| that nigger is a beast, and the Nrrth-
ern Demokratic idea that the nigger
| wuZ Gust by Noer aud doomed forever
/ to be slave.
The gentlemen from Illinoy will to-
wunst perceive the fix we are in. They
amt fit for the ballot now, and eff we
make EN- so, it overturns our theory,
wich we cant do. Still we propose 10
| be just to em. We shell give sich NV EN-
| the ballot eZ are sufficiently intellijent
and we shell not put the standard too
| high nuther. We shell give every Wun
NV EN- the ballot who is able to read the
| Greek testament tluently, and pass "A
credible exumiuasheu in Latin, en-
brOidery, French, German. English
! GrammeT, and double-entry book
| keeping. The path 10 the polls 700 see
is open to EN-. Uv course we cant be
eXpectid TO tolerate schooI-houses for
em, coz that wood raise EN- above
their normal condishsn. Also, ther
must be proper regulashens controlin
| EN-, for my dear sir, they are mere in
| fants, and their totterin steps on the
road to freedom needs directing. So
| ciety is a compromise in wien every one
| resigns eZ much NV his persnel liberty
ez the good NV the hull may demand
! We count ourselves the hull. and the
resinin NV persnel liberty must come
! from themI 'Ehat niggeT," sed he,
wuZ stringin up to Bascom's sign post,
| freedom for the good of the hull. No
| doubt in his heart he murmurs, and ct
the cord wich is chokin him Good be
! loosened, he wood repine. 1t is rough
| on him, but the sOoperiority Nv the
Caucasian race must be-My God! its
I one nv my uiggers! -SIopi Bagcom,
stopr' ejackilated the Deekiu, but it
wuz too late. The nigger wuz already
/ black in the face and he'd ceased to-kicE,
and thr Deekin, heavin sigh, per-
ceeded.
1--WE shell scroopulously regard their
| rites. The shcl heN the -itE to buy
| land, and be in all Tespecks like US, sz
soon ez they kin be trusted. Till then