The tri-weekly news. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1865-1876, 1866-09-06
Three Jolly Husbands.

one evening drinking at the village
tavern, until, being pretty we'll corned.
they agreed that each one, on return
Ing home, should do the first thing
that his wife told him, in default Of
which he should the next morning paw
the bill. They separated for the night.
engaging to meet again the next
morning, and give an houest account
'H their proceedings at home, so far as
they related to the bill.
The next morning Walker and
Brown were early at their posts, but
1T was some time before Watson made
his appearance. Walker began first.
"You see, when entered my house
the candle was out, and the fire gave
but glimmer of light, I came near
walking into pot of batter that the
pancakes were to be made of in the
morning: My. wife, who was dread
; fully out Of humor, said to me, sar-
castically:
"Bill, do put your foot in the bat
teri"
"Just as you say, Maggy," said I,
Sand without the least Hesitation /
put my foot in the batter, and then
went to bed"
Next, Joe Brown told his story:
"My wife had already retired in
our usual sleeping room, which adioins
the kitchen, and the door of which
was ajar: not being able to navigate
perfectly you know, I made a dread
full Gathering among the house furni-
ture, and my wife in no very pleasant
tone, bawled out:
"Do break the porridge pot"
ono sooner said that done. I sciz-
ed hold of the balo of the Dot, and
striking IL against the chimney iatnp
broke it into hundred pieces. After
this exploit retired to rest, and got
curtain lectare all night for my
palms."
Ii was now Tim WatsQn's turn to
give an account of himself, which he
did with very long face,as follows:
"My wife gave me the most unluoky
command in the world for was blum
dering up stairs in the dark, whe nshe
cries out:
"Do break your neok-do Tim"
"Pll be cursed if do, Kate" said
l, as | gathered myself up, pllsooner
pay the bill"
"And so, Landlord here's the cash
for you, and this is the last time I'll
ever risk Eve dollars. on tho COM
mand of nay wife"
How TO BE UNKArPY.-In the first
place, if you want to be miserable, be
selfish. Think all the time of yourself
and OF your own things Do not care
about anybody else. Have no feeling
for any one. bat yourself. Never think
of enjoying the satisfaction of seeing
others happy: but rather, if YOU see a
smiling face, be jealous, Jest another
should enjoy what you have not. Envy
every one who is better cff. in any re-.
spect, than yourself; think unkiudly
towards them and speak i'll OF them. Be
constantly afraid lest some one should
encroach upon your rights be watchful
against it and if any one comes near
your things, snap at him like mad
dog. Contend earnestly for everything
thatis your own, though it'may not be
worth dime; for your rights" are Just
as much concerned as it it were pound
ofgold. Never yield point. Be very
sensitive, and take everything that is
:, said to You in playfulness. in the most
serious manner. Be jealous of your
friends, lest they should notthink enough
of you. And if at any time they should
seem to neglect you, put the worst con.
straction upon their conduct you can.
'Sambo, am you posted in the natue
raj sciencesl' 'Sartingly--ob course
is.' Den you can tell me the cause
of degreat rot in potatoes for de las
many years gone BYE ooh, dat's easy
'n0dgh for de merest chile in scientific
larnin.' De great rot in potatoes is
all owin' to de rot tater-y motion OBJ
de earth,' ya