The weekly union record., 1866-01-20

step. ne put his foot through rip in
his dress skirt, stumbled, and fell to the
bottom Of the cellar, smashing basket
of eggs, and knocking over shelf
loaded with pans of milk.
deuce take itr' exclaimed he,
scrambling to his feet, and rubbing his
head; show do women manage with
these internal long dresses! | shall
break my neck with this yet!!''
The fire made again, Mr.. Keith
bethought him of dinner; it was just
one o'clock-almost time for dinner.
What should he have for dinner! He
had heard his wife say that rice
pudding was easily made; he would
have rice pudding, boiled potatoes and
broiled steak. He filled basin with
rice, stirred in little sugar, dropped in
an egg, and set the vessel into the oven.
The potatoes he washed in soapsuds,
that they certainly might be clean, and
put them in the teakettle, because they
would boil quicker. The steam was
frizzling in the frying-pan; he was
proceeding to set the table when the
bell rang. He caught the pan from the
fire, to keep it from burning, and made
haste to the front door. Then he
remembered it would not be Just the
thing to go to the door with frying
pan in his hand, so be deposited it on
the parlor sofa, and answered the ring.
Mrs. DIR. Nudge was on the steps,
dressed in her best.
''Yes-I-dare say" stammered
Keith, ''my wife is absent, and l am
the Bridget
Mrs. Nudge sailed into the parlor,
which was darkened to exclude the sun,
and, without stopping to look at the seat,
sunk into the frying pan on the sofa.
''Jupiter!" cried Mr.. Keith, you've
done it now." Mrs. NJ. sprang up. the
grease dripping from her rich silk on the
carpet. Her face grew dark. She was
tempted to control herself; bowed
haughtily, and left the house. Keith
returned to the kitchen a little crest
fallen, for Mrs. Nudge was lady
before whom he desired to appear par
ticularly well. There was tremendous
cracking in the oven. He thought
Of his pudding, and looked in. The
burnt rice had hoped all over the oven;
the basin had melted apart, and the
pudding was not done. He shut the
door upon the ruins in disgust, and
looked after his potatoes only to find
them boiled to perfect jelly. And
just as he made the discovery, there
was sharp peal at the door-bell.
''Creation there's that abominable bell
again. wish folks would stay at home
-I'n lock the doors, and cut all the
bell-wires after to day."
At the door he found Mr.. and Mrs.
Fidget and their children. ''My dear
Mr.. Keith how do you do :" cried Mrs.
Fidget. "We were in town, and thought
we'd just step in to dinner. Where is
Mrs. Keith %
"She's gone away said Keith, rue
fully, wondering what he should feed
them on; "walk in, do; l am the
housekeeper, to-day"
"Yes, so | should judge. But of
course you make a splendid one. l
remember you used to be frequently
telling Mrs. Keith and myself how very
easy housekeeping must be. 1t must
be mere play to you. Don't put your
self out, | beg!
"Put myself out, indeed!' - cried
Keith, retreating to the kitchen. Good
gracious! what shall l do! I'd give
hundred dollars if Mary was only here.
Where shall begin -
He drew out the table and set it
without any cloth; then took off the
plates and put on cloth the very one
he had wiped the dishes on. The task
completed, he put on some more pota-
toes, and some more steak; burned the
steak to a cinder; took off his potatoes
when he did his meat, and put Them all
upon the table. There was a loaf Of
bakers bread in the cupboard; he
paraded that, and called his guests to
dinner. A quizzical smile spread over
Mr. Fidget's face at the sight Of the
repast. Keith was in cold perspIratlon.