The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1866-06-06
MISUNDERSTANDING.
Family Instruction at the Breakfast
TabIe--.A rake or ON English Do


Every body ought to have partial,
If unable to obtaina thorough, knowl-
edge of the manufacture of the ordina7
ry articles of nourishment in daily use
among US. For instance, a young lady
should be ready at pinch, TO make
tart, pie, bread. butter, and other lux
uries. A bachelor should be handy
with his needle and thread, and mar
ried man should be able TO do a carpen-
ter's work, dexterously.
In order to excite generous emula-
ton among all classes of our readers,
we will now proceed to show the result
of few examinations instituted eX-
temporaneously during meal-times.
Paterfamillis, if he is well posted up
in these matters himself-and he can
''cram" while shaVing-will find these
instructive breakfasts, luncheons and
dinners the nearest thing to the classic
symposia, or the school of the ancient
philosophers. The. attempt to intro
duce dish of instructions, under a
cover of any sort, al breakfast, is not
entirely free from some domestic dith-
cuIties, as will be seen in our first
Breakfast Lecture on Butter.
No. l.
Paterfamilias-Mary, dear, give me
some butter.
TWhiIe his daughter is engaged with
the butter.knite, Pateriamilias
cOmmenceS.I
Paterfumilias-You know how butter
Mary (readily. not wishing to be
botheredj- yes, pa.
Brother Tom (trom school)-I'll bet
she don't.
Pater11milias as, !reprGSyingIylm;'TTom! l,.;'T onh
"does not" instead of "don't.n
Brother (unabashed)-Wel, she
doasD,t thOuph
PaterfamiIias (to Tom}-Then how is
butter nader
Tom (trtumphantlyl-Why from the
Mary Ideprecattug her brotherl That's
Paterfamilias (running into rhyme,
unconsciously)-AIad from the COW:
yes. But how?
Tom (makinga desperate shotl-Well,
the milkman goes and stirs II up In
bowl-(Sees Mary laughing. To her)-
Yes, it is. [Contemptuously.) Well
. Paterfamillis (reprovingly to Tom)-
III suddenly occurs to him that he
has made u grammatical error this time
himselEl
Tom correcting himselG-".Welll,
doesn't" ITO his sister)-You doesn't
know.
Paterfamillas (mildIy, feeling thathe
has been wrong(-when l said you
mustn't use "don't" meant in GER
tain instances, as for instance-tcorrectS
tautology and substitutes "examPleD
as for example, you should say you
do not" not you DON'T" and 'he does
with his own explanation, especially
as he sees Mrs. MHterfamillas drinking
in the words ofwisdom S .lenly.) Now,
how is butter made, Mary2
Mary (pettishlyl-Oh, from the COW,
and churned.
Paterlamilias Ito Ellen, aged sixteen,
nearly two years older than Nary
Ellen-oh, Papa, [ don't know.
Oaughs pleasantly.l l recollect learn
ing something about it once. (Care-
lessly.) Let me see, it's churned and
SKINNED, and put in dairy
Tom looming in with new idea)-
And baked.
Mary (suddenly thinking she has
recoHeeted all about it)-And you let it
stand till it's cold.
IAll three are perfectly satisfied. and
resume their brenkfasi.
Paterfamiliast beginning to feel lit
tie uncertain as to his own factsI-UPOn
my word, Margaret Ito his wife, they
ought to know these things.
Materfamilias lin self-defeuce)-Then
my dear, why don't you tell them?
Tom tsharply-I say, papa, ma said
Paterfamilias demonstrating, with
touching dignity)-There, my dear, you
really should be more careful. You
heard me just now telling
Materfamilias (petulantlySOh, 1
can't be bothered with such trash.
Paternmilias tforseeing that the val
ue of his authoritative instruction will
will be seriously injured)-Trash! My
dear Margaret, it is necessary that my
children should talk good grammar,
and if they hear, as Tom did
Materfamilius (angrilY)-If Master
Tom speaksto his mama in that way
again, ne shall be packed of to school
before the holidays are over AT this
cheerful prospect Master Tom becomes
suddenly depressed.
PatertHmilias (still demonstrating,
but wishing to return to the subject of
butter)-Aiy dear, the boy heard .as
MaterfamiliDs (rising from the table,
Then the boy had better not hear.
ITO the unhappy boy.) Go and get
your hands and face washed at once,
and dou't-(regards Paterfamilias tri-
umphantly5and don't come down
looking such little pig as you gener-
ally do. CEXit Master Tom under
cloudy ef ''+
Paterfamilias (bottles up his feelings
and proceeds with the subIect)-Butter,
Mary-( Mary hands him the butter)-
no. my dear, was going to say, butter
is made in the following manner. or
course, as you know, you first obtain
the milk from the COW
Materfamilias (who has been looking
out of window while your papa's
lecturing. we're losing all the tne
weather. THE girls rise from the table
Ellen-Ses, mamma, and you said
we were to go to Mrs, Skewtit's, and
Chignon's this morning.
Materiamilias (apparently Ignorant
of tler husband s sexistence1-Yes;y you d
better get your things on while it's fine.
[Exeunt girls; they are heared giggiing
as they run upstairs, and the words
papa and "butter" are more or less
distinct.l
PaterfamTfias Severely to his wife,
Ny dear, ii is impossible 10 attempt any
instruction with the children on these
useful points OF everyday life, if you
Materfamilias (quicklyl-Then you
shouldn't correct me- in their presence.
Paterfamilias (feeiing that complete
answer to this is not to be made in a
second, goes back to butterl-But If you
subjects as butter, tea, sugar, and SO
forth, 1t would be very useful.
Materfamilias(d determined not to give
inl-Ah, well, they've quite enough TO
do. / hate cramming children; they re
only idiots when they grow up.
Paterfamilias (has something sharp
to say about idiots. but thinks of the
value of peace and quiet, and bottles
himself up for the second time. He
then says with dangerous playfulness)
Now, dare say you don't know how
Msterfamilias-oh, rubbish! Exit
auddnnIyLl aIsags.