Bedford inquirer. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1857-1884, 1866-03-09
JOHN QUILL vIsITETH THE PHRE-
NOLOGIST.

NOLOGIST.
Our Gas Light Editor states that the
quality of the hydrogen furnished by the
Gas Company, is 50 poor that it takes two
weeks gas to get up a sufficient amount of
brilliancy for his columns, SO in view Of his
failure to come to time, Mr. John Quill
Guide, Philosopher, and Friend, Knight
before Christmas, Companion Of the SAMSON
Street Caths, and Contributor to Saturday
Night, has furnished us with his experience
at the establishment Of a New York phre-
nologist.
He extendetla- -hirlasslf a. follaEs,.
have always been firm believer in the
science of phrenology. used to believe
that benifcent and careful Nature when she
gets up human being, swells his head up
in knobs in certain places, after the fashion
of bluenose potatoes, with lots Of eyes, so
that his character may be read by them.
They are like the table of contents to a book
or the tin signs which shopkeepers hang out
in front of their stores, to tell the world
what may be found within. have had a
knobby head from my youth up, and have
one now. My skull breaks out into bumps
in the most unheard of places. Is covered
with humps, just as the stone eater at the
circus would be if he should be seized with
rush Of pebbles to the head. Had paving
stones on the brain, in fact. Can't comb
my hair with any degree Of satisfaction.
Just like narrowing in field when the
stumps are pretty thick. Thought the
thing over good deal Came to the-con-
clusion that [ must have some very remarka-
bic characteristics May be was destined
to lead armies; control the fate of nations;
do the large thing in steering at the helm
of state. Perhaps glorious future awaited
me- | would be great author, write
history eff the war, for it hasn't been done
more than one or two thousand times yet,
or get off novels like Walter Scott, or Beadle
Dime, and people of that sort.
Made up my mind to call on a phrenolo-
gist while I was in New York. Get him to
tell nae what Nature intended me for.
Whether 1 was cut out for Member of Con-
gress, or a gentleman. In short to feel my
Uranium for me.
Found his place Of business without much
difficulty Had picture Of mans head
in his window, divided up into squares.
Laid out in building lots, like the diagram
of Michigan city, that exists only in the
fertile imagination Of the fellows who want
to sell their land Wondered if the fellow
was going to lay my head out in sections like
that. Opened the door and went in.
Plaster of Paris busts of high priced parties
standing on the shelves, Skulls lying around
in a promiscuous sort of manner. Benia-
min Franklin looked benignly at Jack Shep-
pard, while Horace Grealey appeared as if
he would have thrown his arms around Tom
Hyer, if he had had any which he hadn't
Pickpockets and clergyman, statesmen and
murderers, we're all clustered together with
heads of every possible kind.
Felt somewhat nerveous, but summoned
up courage enough to tell the phrenologists
that he must be a smart man to get head
of so many remarkable beings. Fellow
gazed at me impressively, and said that my
humor wanted development. Thought may
be he was mad. Small club lying on the ta-
ole. Didn agitate him any more Afraid
he might try to enlarge my bump of humor.
Told him I wanted my head examined
Said was candid man. Must not be afraid
to tell me the truth, even if it was disagree
able. Said | needn t be uneasy. He wouldn't
draw a fattering picture. If was an ass
he'd tell me so.
| believed him
Took off my hat and sat down. Fellow
ran his fingers through my hair two or three
times, ike barber, making ready for
shampoo, or a Choctaw savage who wants to
scalp you at his leisure. Smiled little,
felt the back Of my head. and waded in.
Said | had large brain. (Felt pleased
Said this was characteristic of both great |
men and idiots. Said / wasn't exactly his
idea of great man. FELT rather badly)
was of the nerveus-sanguine temperament. |
That is, lacked nerve, and hoped for a |
great many things | wouldn't get.
Said my Conjugal Love was very strong.
[ would be violently attached to the other |
sex. I didn't possess any attractive quail
however, and they wouldn't be affected in |
the same manner, not by any means.
AIimentiveness, very full. Said my appe
tite might well alarm my friends especially
those 1 might be spenging on. Recommen
ded me to engage board at three hotels.
Didn't believe any one man would let me
satisfy my voracity entirely at his table,
that eat dried apples and drink
water, would swell up and were both cheap
Self Esteem, he said, was tremendous.
Never saw head that had such perfect
Pike Peak of bump Said [ estimated
myself much above my market value
Ought to cultivate modasty. Associate
with people who were not as dumb as my
self Said they wouldn't be hard to find
Combatiyeness needed Development
Said hadn t much fight in me- Thought
would run if anybody made at me. If
didn't exhibit discretion at any other time,
[ would then Would adqise me to avoid
the draft, and never enlist. I said never
wouId
Imitation was very large. Said this facul-
ty was quite full in both PARROTS and nom
l b+ Id ,,a,-er sa,v anv GEa nina snd |