Columbia democrat and star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1867, 1866-05-02
The Old Woman and the Crow.
BY W. n. JOHNSON.


The following amusing anecdote which has
never yet appeared in print, struck me as
containing point 50 keenly satirical, thatI
determined to write it down and have it
''placed on the records. p" 1t was told me
by one who was both an eye and ear witnes
and who, of course, speaks from the book.
The story will lose much of It's ludicrous-
ness in my style of writing, and his of tell
ing it, but here goes: eHnf
At a certain crossroads, in the State of
Alabama, stood a small grocery, or ''whis-
key-shop, previous to the rebellion, where
''bust head and chain-lightning'' were
dealt out to the thirsty, unwashed at the
small sum of five cents drink, or twenty
FIVE cents quart. The presiding genius of
this delectable institution was one Bill Skies
who among various other pets, had do
mesticated crow, black as the ace of spades.
This crow had learned, among other things.
to repeat quite plainly the words ''damn
you y which, he of course, heard frequent
ly used in the grocery. During the preva-
lence of a knock-down and drag-out fight
one day, however, the crow was frightened
from his home and few off into the woods,
never to return.
Ahoutthree miles from the grocery was
settlement meeting house-an old tumble
down, dilapidated affair, only used on GER
tain occasions, when 'circuit-rider'' hap
pened to pass that way In this building
went the crow, taking peaceable possession;
and two days thereafter the church was
thrown open for preaching, and a large
crowd assembled; among whom was a very
old lady, who was compelled to use crutehes
in walking, who took her seat in the 'sfront
| pew, and was soon deeply absorbed in the
eloQuence of the preacher The reverend
gentleman had scarcely got under full head
way, and commenced laundering his anath-
emas at all grades of sinners, when hoarsc
croaking voice from above uttered the on-
inouswords rlal
Damn you r'
The preacher and congregation looked
aghast at such profanity, and each peered
in his neighbor' face in vain to detect some
sign of guilt. Quiet was at length restored
however and the sermon proceeded, but ere
ten minutes had elapsed the ominous damn
you - again electrified the audience, and
Just as the preacher cast his eyes upwards
to search for the delinquent, che crow few
down from bis perch, and, lighting on the
Bible, calmly surveyed the terrified crowd,
as he gave another dolefu croak
Damn you ~
The effect was electrical Giving one
startled and terrified glance at the intruder,
| the preacher sprang through window, car
rying sash, glass and all with him, and set off
at break-neck pace through the woods,
closely followed by his horror stricken con-
gregation, who had piled out of the building
pell nell after him. In the general scram-
ble the old lady with the crutches had been
knocked down in the church, where she lay
unable to rise, and on observing her, the
crow who was after something to eat) few
down beside her, and cooking up his eye at
her very knowingly, again croaked:
Damn you P'
The old lady eyed him savagely for few
moments, and then burst forth in tone of
reckless defiance --.,
'Ye-and damn you too! 1 had nothing
to do with getting up this Methodist meet
ing, and you know it too?i
The poor old soul had mistaken the crow
for the Devil, and concluded to propititate,
if possible, the wrath ofhis SateRic majesty
by denying all completely in the affair. The
world is full of Just such people.