Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-05-17
A 50 Moving - Story.

bodv. except those who were SO unfortunate
az to own their houses-thereby being liable
at any time to be sent to State Prison for
the taxes-moved.
We moved
And it was the movingest sight We ever
saw.
Our readers ought to have seen the scene.
Cur folks commenced pulling up and
tearing down the traps week ago.
Most of the "plunder " was thrown into
a heap and bumped off into loads, with a
total disregard of ordinary rules.
The paregoric and hive syrup walls were
hacked in our new hat-one Of Mackenzie s
latest and best.
The castor bottles were placed in our
other boots, it being SO handy to carry them
by the loops. The stopper came out Of the
one containing tomato catsup, and the top
of the mustard concern was broken off.
That is the best seasoned pair OF boots we
ever had.
The other family insisted on coming into
the house before we got out.
| And so the things got mixed up some.
But we got all that belonged to US, at
least.
The cartmen swore because the cook
stove was so heavy, and one said odd II
he'd have it if we offered it to him"
Didn't offer it to him, but offered both OF
| them drink out of quarter barrel Of ale,
nearly full, standing in the kitchen.
They took livery kinoiy', but it made
'em thirsty all the forenoon.
Guess the spigot must have got out of the
barrel on the road, for VIC couldn't squeeze
half glass out last night
Finally got moved
Thought we'd have our supper before we
tackled the bedsteads and back room stove.
Better half, with patch Of SCOT on her
nose, said supper was ready.
She was mad, because, when she asked US
to bring home keg of soft soap, we pro-
posed an amendment, substituting a keg OF
powder and slow match.
We hate soft soap-have to use SO much
of it every day in noticing men and things.
Sat down at the table and took cup OF
tea that was handed to us.
Thought it tasted strangely and prospect
| ed the bottom of the cup. Found the brim-
stone ends of three broken matches.
Didn't drink any more tea.
| Came near breaking one Of our teeth on a
| carpet tack in the butter, and thought we'd
| had supper enough.
Commenced playing put up bedsteads.
It's fun, when you like it.
But people don't like it, mostly.
None of the blasted rails would fit. Got
the wrong ones into the wrong posts, and
couldn't screw them up.
Marked them all with pencil before we
took them down, and thought we'd know
how they went together again; but some
body wiped the marks all out.
And there we were.
Better half suggested that one at our time
of life ought to have more patience, and
gave it as her opinion that we GO couldn't
swear the beadste ads together
Found we couldn't.
Finally got 'em up-four Of 'em-and
commenced putting the cords on.
Cords broke, and we had to tie them to-
gether.
The knots wouldn't slip around the pegs,
and we couldn't draw the rope tight
More remarks from the children's mother
on the subject Of profanity.
Didn't pay any attention To her, and thus
succeeded in getting through with the job.
Then went down and g harnessed the
stove.
The legs all fell out when we tried to lit
it On the zinc, but got it into position at last.
Two lengths and one elbow Of the pipe
missing.
Finally found the elbow in the bureau
drawer, and the two lengths rolled up in
the parlor carpet.
Got Ratchet and stick of wood and
commenced pounding the pipe together.
Knocked a chunk out of one of our
knuckles, and got the elbow on wrong end
up.
Had to take it all apart and change it.
Commenced pounding again, but couldn't
make it jibe.
Pounded more.
The more we pounded, the more it
wouldn't fit, and thought we'd give it up.
Expressed our opinion in relation to stove
pipes 10 general and this one in particular,
and made some illusions to the original in
veEtor of this kind of furniture.
Went to the corner grocery and got "zwei
lager" felt refreshed, and resumed the
attack on the pipe.
Found out that what allied us before was
that we hadn't pounded it enough.
Remedied the defect, and the job was
done. Stove smoked beautifully.
Got wife to tie rags around three of our
fingers and one thumb, and thought we'd sit
down and have smoke.
Found meerschaum after while, and
discovered amber mouth-piece broken.
Got the tobacco can, but on ascertaining
that the salt cellar had been emptied into
it, made up our mind that we wouldn't
smoke.
We concluded we'd better go to bed, and
started to pick our way through the mass of
things piled up and scattered about.
Stumbled over the long rockers of chair
and barked one shin. Returned no answer
to an interrogatory as to why we "didn't
break our neck" repeated CHOW / lay
me-" and turned in.
Having strong constitution. which en-
ables us to bear good deal of sleep, and
always paying strict attention to our sleep
ing, didnt know anything till morning.
Went down stairs and found wife getting
breakfast, with tears in her eyes.
Told us she "was deceived in the house,"
never have moved into it," and that she'd
never be able to ''settle in it
This settled US, and declining to partake
of the frugal morning meal which had been
provided-we remembered the supper-we
took our departure, promising to call in the
early part of the ensuing week, when things
had been 'put to rights"
And we mean. to go.
......"Ah, Pat, Pat.'' said school-mis-
tress to thick headed urchin, into whose
muddy brain she was attempting to beat the
alphabet, 5: I'm afraid you will never learn
anything Now what's that letter, Ell ~
"Sure an / don't know ma'am' replied