Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1866-10-25
LETTER FROM MARK TWAIN.
from tho New York Weekly Reyicw.l
HOW, PoR NsrkNogi

SSsAA4 ~ " va buN
Capitol, the other night, I found, on the
comfortable, Q pamphlet advertisement Of
an Accidental Insurance Company. II
interested me q good deal, with its Gen.
eral Accidents, and the Hazardous Ia
bles. and Extra Hazardous furniture Of
the Same description, and I would like to
know something more about il. 1t is
new thing to me. I want to invest II l
come to like It. I want to ask merely o
few questions Of the man who carries on
this Accident shop, il you think yeu can
spare so much space 30 much space to a
far-distant stranger. am an Orphan.
He publishes this list a. accidents he ID
willing to insure people against:
aINERAL ACCIDENTS
Include tho Travelling Risk, and also all
forms Of Dislocations, Broken Bones,
Ruptursd Tendons, Sprains, Conclusions,
Crushings, Bruising, Cuts Slabs, Gun
shot Wounds, Poisoned Wounds, Burns
and ScaldI, Freezing, Bites, Unprotected
Assaults BY Burglars, Robbers or Muir
dsrers, the Action Of Lightning or Sum
stroke. the effects Of Explosions, Chemi-
calls, Floods and Earthquakes, Suffoca-
ton by Drowning or Choking-where
such accidental injury totally disaoles he
person insured from following his usual
ayocation or causes death within three
months from the time Of tho happening Of
the injury.
want to address this party a. follows:
Now, Smith, suppose likely your
nams il Smish-you don't know me and
I don't know you, but I Am willing to b
friendly. I I'm acquainted with q good
many Of your family-I know John a.
well a. I know any man-and / think We
can como to an understanding about your
little game without aoy hard feelings. For
instance:
Do you allow tho same money on q
dog bite that you do on an earthquake J
Do you take special risks for specific
accidents THAT 10 to say, could l, BY
getting q policy for dog-bises alone, get II
cheaper than il I took . chance in your
whole lottsryf And il 20, and %supposing
I got insured against earthquakes, would
you charge any moro for San Francisco
earthquakes than for those that prevail in
places that are better anchored down?
And il I had . policy on earthquakes
alone, I couldn't collect on a dog-blte,
may be, could I:
II . man had q policy and an earth
quake shook him up and loosened hi
joints . good deal, but not enough to in.
capacitats him from engaging in pursuits
which did not require him to be tight
wouldn't you pay him some Of hi, pen.
sionf
notice you do not mention Bilei
How about bilsss
Why do you discriminate between Pro
voksd and Unprovoked Assaults by Bur
glars? II burglar entered my house al
dead night, and !, in the excitement natu'
raj to such an occasion, should forget my
self and say something that provoked him
and he should cripple me, wouldn't 1 Sc
anythings
But if I provoked him by pure accident
I would have you there, l judge ?-be
cause you would have to pay for the Ac'
ciden. part Of it anyhow. seeing that in
suring against accidents is just your stronl
suit, you know.
Now that item about protecting q maj
against freezing, 10 good. 1t will procur
you all the custom you want in this coun
try. Because, you understand, the psopl
hersabou,s have suffered q good deal from
Just such climatic drawbacks A. that
Why, three years ago, If q man-being
small fish in the matter Of money, wen
over to Washoe and bought into . goo
silver mine, they would let that man g
on and pay assessments till his purse 60
down to about thirty-two Fahrenheit, an,
the big fish would Close in on him an
freeze him out. And from that day fort
you might consider that man in the ligh
Of q bankrupt community. And yo'
would have him down to . spot, too. Blu
If you are ready to insure against that sor
Of thing, aud can stand II, you can Civ
Washoe . fair start. You might send m
an agency. BuSinessi Why, Smith,
could get ysu more business than yo1
could attend to. With such an under
standing as that, the boys would all tax
q chance.
You don't appear to mako any partiou
lar mention Of taking risks on Blighte'
Affections. But il you should oonclud
to do Z little business in that line, 20,
might put me down for six or sever
chances. I wouldn't mind s1psnss-yo,
might enter it on the Extra Hazardous
I suppose I would get ahead Of you in tn
long run anyhow, likely. I have beer
blighted . dood deal in my time.
But now ~ to those effects Of Light
ming" Suppose the lightning were 4
strike out at one of your men and mis-
him, and fetch another party-could tina
other party come on you for damages
Or could the relatives Of the party thu
suddenly snaked out Of the bright worlt
in the bloom Of his youth come on you il
case no was crowded for time i-as o
course he would be, you know, undot
such circumstances.
You say you have 'issusd over siIt,
thousand policies, forty-fve Of which
have proved fatal and been paid for. Now
| do you know, Smith, that looks just q lit
| tie shaky to me, in q measured You ap'
pear to have it pretty much all your owr
way, you see. It 10 all very well for tht
lucky forty-fve that have died land beer
paid for" but how about the other fifty.
nine thousand nine hundred and ffty-fvsi
You have got their money, haven't you
but somehow the lightning don't seem tc
strike them, and they don't get any
| chance at you. Won't their families &c,
fatisued waiting for their dividends
Don't your customers drop of rather
slow, 30 to spsakf
You will ruin yourself publishing such
damaging statements as that, Smith.
tell you as q friend. II you had said thai
the ffty.nine thousand nine hundred and
ffty-fve died and that forty-fve lived,
you would have issued about four toni Of
policies the next week. But people are
not going to get insured, when you take
10 much pains to prove that there Is such
precious little use in it. Goodbye, Smith,
Yours, MARK TWAIN.