davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17
A Yankee Trade.

The other day we heard a circumstance
which really occurred, not a hundred
miles from Salem, that is worth relating:
A certain farmer who, in the course Of
the year, purchased several dollars worth
of goods (and always paid for theml call
ed at the store of a village merchant-his
regular place Of dealing-with two dozen
brooms, which he offered for sale. The
merchant who, by the way, is fond of a
good bargain, examined his stock, and
said:
aWell, Cyrus, i will give you shilling
a piece for your brooms."
Cyrus appeared astonished at the offer,
and quickly replied:
ooh, no, John; I can't begin to take
that for them, no how; but I'll let you
have them for twenty cents piece, and
net cent less"
aCyrus, you are crazy" said John.
aWhy see here,' showing fine lot Of
brooms, lis an article great deal better
than yours, (Which was true,) that cost
me only twelve and half cents" (Which
was not true by seven and half cents.)
Don't care for that answered Cyrus,
"your brooms are cheap enough, but you
can't have mine for less than twenty cents,
no how" and pretending to be more than
half angry,h he shouldered his brooms and
started for the door.
The merchant getting little nervous
over the probaple loss of good custom
er, and fearing he might go to another
store and never return, said:
"See here, Cyrus, hold on while. Il
I give you twenty cents for Jour brooms
[ suppose you will not object to take the
price of them in goods"
"No, don't care if | do" replied Cy
rus.
SWELL, then," said the merchant, t'al
you are an old customer, will allow yor
twenty cents a piece for this lot. Let me
see, 20 times "a makes 480-yes, S4 80
What kind of goods will you have, gy
rus?'
"Well, now, John, I reckon it don'
make sny difference to you what sort 0
goods I take, does it?"
"Oh, no, not at all-not at ALL" sait
the merchant.
eWell, theH, as it don't make any diff
ference to you, Eli take the amount il
them ere brooms of yourn at twelve AMI
half cents a piece. Let me see, fou
dollars and eighty cents will get thirty
eight brooms and Eve cents over. 1t dom
make much difference about the five cents
but as you are Alright clever fellow, John
l guess I will take the change in ter
backer."
| When Cyrus went out of the door wit
his brooms and sterbacker, John wa
| seized with serious breaking out of th
mouth, during which time he was dis
tinctly heard 80 violate the third com
mandment several times, by the bystand
ers, who enjoyed the jokehugely.-Salen
Republican.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17

s@-An ingenious Yankee in New Or
leans has been engaged in making thread
from the stalk of the cotton plant. 1t is
very fine and strong, and looks very much
like fax, being very soft and pliable. He
proposes to make this thread into cloth,
which he says will be as strong and dura-
BILE as that made from cotton itself. For
|ty pounds of thread can be made from
120 pounds of stalk. A new factory will
soon be established for the manufacture
of cloth from this substance This dis
|covery is not new one. It has been
known fer several years that there was q
fbrous substance in the cotton stalk which
very much resembles fax, but it has nev.
er before been put to practical use. Sho'd
this prove successful, it will double the
value of the cotton plantations of the
South. The next invention in order fol
the development of the South, is a meth
cd of making paper from sugar cant
stalks. Whoever does this ought to make
a fortune.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17
Serious Joke.


One of the most serious jokes We ever
heard Of was perpetrated by dying wo-
man upon her husband. Itseems he was
harsh, unfeeling brute, and when any
thing unpleasant occurred in the course
of their life, he was in the habit of say
ing to the humble partner of his joys
aThere, hang you, there's nut for you
to crack At last the hand of death was
upon the poor, miserable woman, and with
her latest breath she summoned her hus-
band, and told him that although she had
striven to do right in nearly all cases, yet
an tsopen confession was good for the
soul, and she wished to tell him thaton-
ly one of the blooming daughters that
had been their pride, belonged to him.
The husband was confounded. (Which
is miner" he exclaimed aghast. "Ahl''
said the.dying woman, there is nut for
you to crack; and turning away her face
Immediately expired, leaving the poor
husband and father in a state Of bewii.
derment as to which one Of his supp osed
offspring it was his duty to discard, and
which to recognize.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17
Ruling Passion Strong in Death.

Old Boge was miserly old fellow who
had accumulated great wealth by lifelong
penuriousness. But even misers have
to die some time, and old Boge was at
length called upon to pay that debt which
all must pay, and which is paid as easily
by the man who hasn't got cent as by
the possessor of millions.
Old Boge was sick unto death, finding
a partial recompense in his suferings
from the reflection that. if he could not
eat anything something was being saved.
His physician told him his end was rapid
ly approaching and as he felt within him.
self that he was rapidly approaching his
end, it was evident to old Boge that he
must meet his end very soon.
"Now, how long have I to liye?s asked
old Bsge, in faint voice.
"Only half an hour" said the physi-
clan taking out his watch in a business
manner, and added s'is there any one you
would like to send fora clergyman, for
instance?"
Old Boge mused in lethargic way for
a moment, then started up as with sud-
den thought, raised his feeble hand and
felt of his emaciated chin, upon which
two weeks growth of gray and stubbed
beard had grown, then whispered hurri
edly:
"Quick-bring me-bripg me--a bar
ber."
The barber came with his kit, and old
Boge said in voice that was rapidly
growing weaker:
"You-charge-ten cents--to-shave-
live-men?"
"Yes, that is our price," replied the
barber.
"What-you charge-to shave-dead
men?"
"One dollar said the barber, wonder
ing what he meant.
"Then-shave-me-quick,' said old
Boge, nervously eyeing the watch which
the doctor held in his hand. He was too
weak to speak further, but the doctor in
terpreted Alright the question that was in
his eyes.
"Fiftesn minutes, !" replied the doctor.
Old Boge made feeble motion as with
a lather brush, and the barber was at his
werk in a jiffy. He performed his task
with neatness and dispatch, and although
the sick man had several sinking spells Of
an alarming nature, yet he bore up to the
end. When the last stroke of the razor
was given, old Boge whispered in tones
of satisfaction.
aThat'll do-ninety-cent ents-saved,
and Immediately expired.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17
A Fact worth Printing.

At a second class hotal, in Frankfort,
KY, few days since, a little girl entered
the bar-room, and in pitiful tones told the
bar-keeper that her mother had sent her
there to get eight cents.
aEight cents?" said the bar-keeper.
"Yes, sir.
"What does your mother want Of eight
centsl | don't owe her anything"
"Well," said the child, ''father spends
all his money here for rum, and we have
had nothing to eat to-day. Mother wants
to buy loaf of bread"
A loafer suggested to the bar-keeper
to kick the brat out.
aNo," said the bar-keeper, GIL give
her mother the money; and if her father
comes back again, I'll kick him out.
Such circumstance never happened
before, and may never happen again. Hu.
manity owes that bar-keeper vote O
thanks.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17
A learned Postmaster.

A few years ago, postmaster was ap-
pointed in Canton, Pa, who was gentle
man Of the ss0ld School" Entering up
on the new duties of the situation, he for
a time filled the Office with dignity, and,
to all appearance, with satisfaction. One
day large number of persons being in
the Office, a man called for letter, the
initial of the last name being M. Where
upon the worthy postmaster took down a
large number of letters, and looking them
over said that there was no letter there;
adding that all the letters nearly were for
a Mr.. P. NJ, and that he wished he wo'd
call and get them; afor, said he, 81 don't
know what to do with them / have liv.
ed in Canton for twenty-five years, and
never heard Of man by the name of P
NJ. yet" The roar that followed gave
the P. NJ. an idea that there was some
thing wrong.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17

s@'Some great, nasty, horrid man; in
an insane moment, perpetrated the follow
ing slauder on womankind-"God bless
them every one:"
WoMAN's WIIL-Dip the Atlantic
ocean dry with teaspoon; twist your
heel into the toe of your boot; make post
masters perform their promises, and sub
|scribers pay the printer; send up fishing
hooks with balloons and fish for stars;
when the rain comes down like the cata-
ract of Niagara, remember where you left
your umbrella; choke mosquito with a
brickbat; in short, prove all things hith-
erto considered impossible, but never
coax woman to say she twill, when
she has made up her mind to say she
'swent."
Heather of heathens- you're a ono
such thing" Women are yielding, rea-
sonable, not bit obstinate, have no con-
trary notions, never say they won't
OIL no; they are just as good as the
Church, and as gentle as lambs when
they are asleepl
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17
FAINT NOT.

Young and eager student, toiling-
Toiling for precious store,
Wisdom's richest golden treasures
Faint thou not, but labor more.
Though, mid visions of the future,
Gloomy doubts and fears arise,
Faint thou not, but, working ever,
Reach the goal and win the prize.
Eager, bold aspirant, nobly
Making honest fame thy quest,
Others, see, are laurels gaining
Faint thou not, bat do thy best.
What though painful be the striving
Pale the eheek and dim the eye? -
Faint thou not, the end is cheering;
Thou shalt conquer by-and-by.
Aged pilgrims, weakly toiling
Down the thorny path of life
Upward look, despairing never;
Faint ye not, for short the strife!
Weary wanderers, with afliction
Sadly burdened as ye. are,
Soon your burden shall be lightened,
Make but Faith your guiding star.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17

sr"He is only printer" was the
sneering remark of leader in circle Of
aristocracy-of the Goldfish quality. Well,
who was the Earl of Stanhope? "He
was only a printer" What is Prince
Frederick William, married to the Prin-
cess Royal of England? "He too. was
only printer" Who was William Gax-
ton, one of the fathers Of literature?-
"He was only printer" Who are Hor-
ace Greeley. George D. Prentice, Charles
Dickens, NJ. Theirs, Douglas Jerrold
Bayard Taylor, George P. Morris, J
Gales, G. Richardson. N. P. Willis, Sena
tors Dix, Cameron and Niles2 They,too
were all printers. What was Benjamin
Franklin? A printer. Every one car
not be printer, brains are necessary.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17
. aottrp. .
THE LONG AGo.l

10, a wonderful stream is the river of Time,
As it floats through the realm of tears,
With faultless rhythm and musical rhyme,
And broader sweep and a surge sublime,
As it blends in the ocean of years.
How the winters are drifting like flakes Of
snow,
And the summers like birds between,
And the gears in the sheaf how they come
and they go
On the rivers breast, with its ebb and flow,
As it glides in the shadow and sheen.
There is a magical isle up the river of Time,
Where the softest of airs are playing;
There's cloudless sky and tropical cline,
And a song as sweet as a vesper chime,
And the Junes with the roses are straying.
And the name of the isle is the Long Ago,
And we bury our treasures there
There are brows of beauty and bosoms of
snow;
There are heaps of dust-o, we loved them so;
And there are trinkets and tresses of hairl
There are fragments of song that nobody sings,
And parts of infants prayersl
There's lutte unswept, and harp without
strings;
There are broken VOWS and pieces of rings,
And garments our dead used to wear.
There are hands that are waved when the
fairy shore
By the mirage is lifted in air;
And sometimes we hear, through the turbu-
lent roar,
Sweet voices we heard in the days gone before,
When the wind down the river Is fair.
o! remembered for aye be that blessed isle,
All the day of life till night;
When the evening glows with its beautiful
smile,
And our eyes are closing in slumber awhile,
May the greenwood of soul be in sight.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17

SAVING GREASE AND MAKING SOAP
In order to keep grease clean and sweet
during the summer, run OF some lye, and
boil it down until it will eat feather, if
put into it, then put it down in iron or
other vessel, and throw your meat rinds
and scraps therein. When you make
your soap, boil down lye as before, putt
in an iron kettle, add this grease, with 9TH
er if you have it, and let it boil and stir
occasionally. In order to test the pro-
portions of grease and lye, take some out
in dish, let it cool, and if it does not
get hard, your soap needs more boiling.
The experienced can test the presence oi
too much lye by its keen bite, and its alb.
sence, vice versa,by touch of the tongue
A half day is time enough ordinarily to
make kettle of soap, which, when done
should cut out like gingerbread.-Cor,
Germantown Telegraph.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17
inclined TO be QuarreIsome.

There was once little slim built fell
low, rich as jew, riding along highway
in the State Of Georgia, when he overlook
man driving a drove of hogs ~ the help
of big raw boned six foot two specimen
of humanity. Stopping the last named
individual, he accosted him;
II say, are those your hogsM
"No, sir; am at work by the month. !"
aWhat pay might you be getting,
lfriend2n
"Ten dollars month and whisky thrown
| in,' was the reply.
aWell, look herel I'm weak, little,
iinoffensiye man, and people are apt to inn
I pose upon me, dye see. Now I'll give
you twenty-five dollars month to ride
along with me and protect me, said Mr..
Gardner. "But,n he added, as thought
struck him, how might you be on fght2'
"Never been licked in my life," re-
Joined the six footer.
"Just the man / want. Is ita bargain?'
queried Gardner.
Six footer ruminated.
"Twenty- dollars-double wages
nothing to do but ride around and smash
a fellows mug occasionally, when he is
sassy"
Six footer accepted. They rode along,
till just at night, they reached village
inn. Gardner Immediately singled out
the biggest fellow in the room, and picked
fuss with him. After considerable pro-
miscuous jawing, Gardner turned to his
fighting friend, and intimated that the
whipping of that man had become sad
necessity. Six footer peeled, went in, ,and
came out first best.
The next night, at another hotel, tha
same scene was re-enacted, Gardner get
ting into row with the biggest man in
the place, and six footer doing the fight
ling.
At last, on the third day, they came to
a ferry kept by huge, ,double-fsted man,
who had never been licked in his life
While crossing the river Gardner, as u.s.
ual, began to find fault and blow. The
ferryman naturally got mad, threw things
round and told him his opinion of their
kind. Gardner then turned to his friend
and gently broke the intelligence to him
"that he was sorry, but it was absolutely
necessary to thrash the ferryman. .
Six footer nodded his head, but said
nothing. 1t was plainly to be seen that
he aid not relish the job, by the way he
shrugged his shoulders; but there was no
help for it. So, when they reached the
shore, both stripped, and at it they went.
Up and down the bank,oy the sane, into
the water, they fought, scratched gouged,
bit and rolled, till at the end of an hour,
the ferryman gave in. Six footer was
triumphant, but it had been rough work
Going up to his employer, he scratched
mis- head for moment, and then broke
forth:
Look here, Mr.. Gardner, your salary
sets mighty well-but-Pm-of the
opinion-that you're inclined to be quar-.
relsome. Here I've only been with you
three days, and I've licked the three big
gest men in the country. I think we hac
better dissolve; for you see, Mr.. Gardner
I'm afraid you're inclined to be quarrel
some, and reckon I'll draw"
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17

s@A gentleman, residing near Boston,
drew the attention Of the Town Council
to slough in the road, as nuisance, but
no notice was taken Of it. One day he
found, to his amusement, that two CouD-
cillors had walked into IT by accident, and
were foundering about in the mire, when
he addressed them thus: s'Gentlemen of
the Town Council of Boston: | have Of
ten petitioned to your honorable body
against this slough, but never had any
attention paid to my petition. I now
come forth to express nay delight to see
you at last moving in the matter"
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17

WANTED TO MARRY.-A young man
in Newport, VT, wanted wife badly,and
took young lady out to ride. After
proceeding a few miles, he asked her,
Twill you marry me?" The answer was
short as it was sweet, "No. sir. )" Young
man says, "Well, set out and go home a
foet, them The young lady accepted
his advice, andreached he. home in safe
ty.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17

pGrA would be prophet, down South,
lately said, in one of his sermons, ''that
he was sent to redeem the world and all
things" Whereupon native pulled out
Confederate shinplas.er and asked him
to fork over the specie'for it.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17
aea Mankind NAV be divided into th,

n@-M Mankind may be divided into three
classes. 1. Those who learn from expe-
rience of others-they are happy men.
2. Those who learn from their own expe-
rience--they are wise men. 3. Those
who neither learn from their own, nor the
experience of other people--they are
fools.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17

nN- There was once man SO intensely
polite that as he passed hen on her nest,
be said, "Dop't rise, madam.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17

sA A firt is like dipper attached to
a pump. Every one is at liberty to drink
from it, but no one wishes to carry i
away.
The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1866-07-17

Errors and repentance are the cOmpans
lens of rashness,
Follow the perfections Of your enemies
rather than the errors Of your friends.
Excess Of ceremony shows a want Of
breeding. That civility is best which OK
Icludes all formality.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1866-01-09

SAD FATE OF A CONFEDERATE OFrICER.-About
half past9 o'clock On Thursday night, says
the ST. Louis Republican, policeman disco
vered a man lying on the pavement on Elm
street, opposite the Southern Hotel, in an in
sensible and dying condition. A physician
was sent for the man was found to be quite
dead upon his arrival The body was removed
to the Central District Police Station, where
1t remained unrecognized until yesterday
morning, when an inquest was held. The de
ceased was poorly clad, and there Were many
appearances which indicate hardship, want
and exposure. But that he had lost one eye,
which marred the expression of the counte-
nance the face Of the dead man would have
been remarked as handsome and unusually
intelligent. From papers on his person it was
discovered that his name was Z. p. Chandler,
formerly major in the Confederate service,
belonging 10 the Fifteenth Arkansas, and that
he was paroleo in May last by Major General
Wilson, and furnished transportationJo Louis
willie, ria Richmond. From a photograph of
himself, taken in full uniform, ii appears
from his left eye being bardaged that he had
probably lost the eye by wound in battle.
On the body was found visiting card with
the name of Mrs. Ella .Cordette, written in
lady's haudwriting.-.T. Louis Press.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1866-01-09
BY w b. Robins, Real Estate Agent,
Iron Front Building, Governor street Richmond


A PLANTATION. N NOTTOWAY
n COUNTY, vA.,THREE MILES FROM
BrRKEViLLE JUNCTION. CONTAINING THREE
HUNDRED AND FIFTY ACRES, Is OFFERED For
SALE. About two hundred ard twenty Ave acres
are cleared and under one enclosure. The remain.
der il in woodsify acres Of it in original growth.
There are seven springs on the place. and all til,
fields are well wat"rtd. The soil is good prodg.
cling well 81 corn, wheat, vegetables, tobacco, &c,
&c. The tobacco fields are considered the best in
the county not having been lately reduced by the
cultivation of corn on thcm-and the owner thinks
that, with good management:and moderate use of
guano. three fourths Of the whole purchase money
might be realized from the first crop Of tobacco.
There are an old apple orchard, and small.
sized peach orchard OF young trees. and a
great many excellent cherry trees. The i'm
provcmcnts consist OF framed dwell ng house
Of six rooms, besides store rooms and ctosrts
Ii IL painted and covered with tin. The
ward il well shaded and handsomely turfed tho
kitchen has two rooms Oh the ground Moor ard ono
above. New smoke house, courthouse, stable, Ice
house. tobacco barn and orcTse"rs house near the
main dwelling Tho location il very desirable, in
q good neighborhood, healthy, and near churches
of the various denominations accessible to four
markets Will SELL also, horses, cattle, hogs, fcd-
der, shucks Sc. ana farming implements at va!us.
ton. Price OF farm $500.
lac w. Il ROBINS, Real Estate Agent.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1866-01-09

WHEN THE EMANCIPATION PRoCLAMATIoS
Took EFFECT.-We learn that the Hon. Il. w.
Gray decided in the Lamar County District
Court that the status OF the negro was not
changed from slavery to freedom until the
Goth of May, 1865. IL was then that the pro-
clamation of the President of the United
States was made eiIectual by the surrender of
, the Trans Mississippi Department.
His Honor has announced the same opinion
from the bench during the present term of
court held here. Weare not aware that there
is any dissent from this opinion on the part of
legal gentlemen attending the court.-Jeterson
(TtrdS) NetCS. December S.
We have already recorded a similar decision
by Judge Cooper, in the Henderson County
District Court. -Ser Orleans Delta.