Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1866-09-20

her Wooer enthusiastically, but De my
wife,-we will all live together, and see II |
don't beat your mother ~
The next Irishm an who comes under cur
notice is married, bnt not very happily.
Having entered into holy bonos at the
youthful age Of nineteen, he discovers that
it is much easier to get the ceremony per-
formed than afterwards to maintain an es-
adjustment Repenting him that he had
procured wife without the means OF sup
porting her, he declares that he will never
marry go young again if he lives to be the
age Of Methuselah. 49,
The next sight we get into the cares and
troubles that married life IS heir to is
through the mild remonstrance Of Hiber
MAN Paterfamilias, who declares to his wife
that he really wishes the children could be
kept in the nursery, while he is home, sal
though" he considerably adds, y" ~outd
not object to their noise, If they aeonsd only
keep quiet"
We shall now proceed to Dublin, where
doubtless still resides that old beggar-woman
who, whilst soliciting charity, declared sh e
was the mother of sir snail children and a
! sick husband. % 's'
We wonder if this lady is any relation to
the poor Irishman who offered his only old
saucepan for sale his children gathering
round him inquired why he did so. "Ah,
my hopeys," +sald he, "sure l wouldn't be
afther part'n wild it if it wasn't to get some
money to buy somethin' to put in it.
Il was in Dublin city that our good hu-
mored maid of-all work, Molly, oncerelated
to her young mistress most marvellous
dream she had the night before.
Sspooh rooh ~; ba OF OF ito
conclusion; "you must have been asleep,
Molly, when you dreamed such nonsense"
g Indeed ] was not then, I, replies the in
dignant Molly ~ was just az wide awake
lsas L am this minute.p
We are now going to introduce to you
what IN Diapers parlanee would be called
a " choice variety; and which, we only
wish, in displaying our light fantastic
stores, we could recommend with half the
address with which draper of my ae-
quaintance once recommended a certain
rich material for ladies' dresses'to a GUS
toner. "Madam," said he, 8 it will wear
forever, and make petticoat afterwards"
This draper, however, is almost outdone
by an enterprising furrier, who intimates
to call such ladies as desire genuine furs,
that he will make muffs, boas, &C., out of
Lfee1f OeDn SEll2S."
The next bull that occurs to me was ut
tered by poor woman, who, in all the pride
and glory of her maternal heart, was de-
claring to kind hearted listener, that since
the world was world there was never such
clever boy as her Bill-he had just made
two chairs and fiddle out of his own head,
and had plenty of wood left for another. t
similar mechanical genius had that
Irish carpenter in America, who, in sending
in his little account to farmer for whom
ne had been working, informed him that it
was s'for hanging two barn doors and him
SET, seven hours, one dollar and half"
In direct contradistinction to this ac-
knowledged attempt at self destruction, we
have the story of certain physician, who,
conducting post mortem examination in a
case of infanticide, reported that he was
unable to discover whether the child was
alive at the time OF its death, or not.
Gas was going over the bridge the 9TH
er day. said a native Of. Err, - I met Pat
/ Hewins. 'Hewins,' says +, how are you p
Pretty well, thank you, Donneliy, says he.
'Donnellyn says l, that's not my name
Faith, then, no more is mine Hewins.' So
with that We looked at aich other agin, and
sure enough it was nayther Of us. And
where is the bull in that now?"
1t must have been a twin sister of this
gentleman, who, having been very nearly
drowned by falling into well, committed a
very rich bull when she piously and thank
fully declared that only for Providence and
another aOoman she never would have got
out.
Horace Walpole records in his Wazpolana
an Irish bull, which he pronounces to be the
best he ever met with. 81 hate that woman"
said gentleman, looking at q person who
had been his nurse, 81 hate her, for a0hen /
a0GS child, she changed me at nurse" This
was indeed perplexing assertion; but we
have similar instance recorded in the an
photography of an Irishman, who gravely
informs us that he sc ran away early in life
from his father, on discovering he was only
his uncle.'' ~
Again, a poor Irish lad, complaining Of
the harsh behavior Of his father, declares
he just treats him as if he were his son by
another father and mother.
The next bull we record is redolent Of the
soil, and proves that in Ireland at least tht
determination to overcome impossibilities il
not yet extinct. An Irishman, having chal
lenged gentleman to fight duel, WHIT
somehow forgot to attend the appointment
met accidentally that same day the offend
ing party, and thus addressed him: L" Well
sir, | met you this morning, but you did no
come hoaCeuer, I am determined to meet yoa
to -morroaD morning acbether yoW come or not p
We wonder was the gentleman who dis
played such q reluctance to be present thu
same who declared he would not fight
duel, because he was unwilling to leave hi
old mother an orphan,
The following piece of naivete was ut
tered in shop in market-town in Count,
Cavan by poor Irishwoman: What il
your tenpenny ribbon a yard % she in
quired. ga shilling, ma'am," was tn
rather paradoxical reply. every well
them said our simple friend, s'nick it a
that" To this we may add the daily de
mand. in such establishments for whit
ha'penny spools, Of black women's stock
ings, yellow girls gloves, ETC., etc.
4 Here comes to our mind a charming it'll
4 anecdote, so naive and natioaGg in characte
that though, strictly speaking, it is neithe
blunder nor bull, we cannot refrain fror
giving It. r tsg
d An apprentice sailor-boy fell from tn
Ground top'' to the deck. stunned, but lit
tie hurt. The captain exclaimed in sur
prise: why, Wnere ala you come from !!
q From the north of Ireland, yer honor !!
was the prompt reply, as the poor felloy
gathered himself up.
1t is, only few months. since the Londo
7 Times perpetrated a most perfect bull. In
review of Tennyson's Enoch 4rden, the fol
lowing sentence occurs relative to the self
denial of Enoch, who keeps his existence
secret from hiswife, whom he finds Marie
!. again and happy &C He died, but not ant
! he died, did he mention to those around hir