Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1866-12-21
A Little Nonsense.

$50 far, sogood," as the boy said when
he had finished the first pot of his moth
ePs jam.
Husband: 'tMary, my love, this apple
dumping is not half done. Wife: "Well,
finish it then, my dear"
Why is a schoolmaster like an engine
driver! One trains the mind, the other
minds the train.
A grocer advertises thus: "Hams and
cigars, smoked and unsmoked-by Jona-
than Brown"
Soft soap in some shape pleases all and
generally speaking, the more lye you put
into it the better.
In country churchyard this epitaph
may be seen: "Here lies the body Of John
Robson, and Ruth, his wife," Under
meath is the motto, ''Their warfare is en-
ded."
"Well, Jane, this is queer world" said
Joe to his wife, "a sect Of woman philoso-
pliers have just sprung up" "Indeed," :"
said Jane, "and what do they hold 7" 'sThe
strangest thing in nature" said he, ''their
|tongues"
An over-excited down east editor, who
sends us his paper regularly every week,
relieves himself of the following beautiful
comparison: 'The gorgeous strings of
glass beads glistened on the heaving bos-
oms of the village bellies, like polished ru-
bies resting on the surface of warm apple
dumplings," Just .so
'1f you ever think of marrying widow,
my son." said an anxious parent to his
heir, select one whose first husband was
hung; that is the only way to prevent her
throwing his memory in your face, and
making annoying comparisons" Even
that won't prevent it" exclaimed crusty
old bachelor; "she'H then praise him, and
say hanging would be too good for you~
A little boy had colt and dog, and
his generosity was often tried by visitors
asking him ("Just to see what he would
say, y to give them one or both of his pets.
One day he told a gentleman present that
he might have his colt, reserviDg the dog,
much to the surprise of his mother, who
asked: "Why, Jackey, why didn't you
give him the dog" "Say nothing, mother.
when he goes te get the colt, I'll set the
dog on him"
One day, at the table of the late DR..
Pease, Dean of Ely just as the cloth was
being removed, the subject of discourse
happened to be that of an extraordinary
mortality among the lawyers. "We have
lost, " said gentleman, "not less than s;z
eminent barristers in as many months"
The Dean, who was quite deaf, rose as bis
friend finished his remarks, and gave the
company grace :-sfor this and every other
mercy, the Lords name be praised p The
effect was irresistible.
The following is said to have been found
in the boot of man who had committed
suicide, he having become insane, as is
supposed, by trying to unravel the mys-
terry:
81 married a widow who had a grown
up daughter. Ny father visited our house
very often, fell in love with my step-daugh-
ter and married her. So my father be-
came my son-in-law, and my step-daugh-
ter my mother, for she was my fathers
wife. Some time afterward my wife had
a son-he was my fathers brother-in-law
and my uncle, for he was the brother of
my step mother. Ny fathers wife, i. e.
my step daughter had also son; he was
of course my brother, and in the mean
time my graudchild, for he was the son of
my daughter. My wife was my grand
mother, because she was my mothers
mother l was my wife's husband and
grandchild at the same time. And as the
husband Of persons grandmother is bis
grandfather, l was my own grandfather.