Des Arc citizen., 1866-11-10
sALMAGUNDI.

rSs-We should learn that in youth which we practice in age. .a
 RGy-We pass our lives in regretting tho past, complaing of the present, ana indulging false hopes for the future.
 ssy-A girl baby has been born in La Crosse with tw o tongues, Won't her husband catch it if she lives to have one?
 aar"Ah! my dear, how came you go ofher son. "Why, ma, one of the boys said darscnt jump into the creek, and by gosh! I tell you ant to be dared"
 gD~Philosophers say that shutting the eyes makes the sense Of hearing more acute. Perhaps this accounts for the habit some people have of always closing their eyes in church during the sermon.
 BsgrA surgical journal speaks of q man who lived five years with ball ill his head. Joe squires says he has known ladies to live twice as long with nothing but balls in their heads.San ssso
 sas~A grim old judge, after hearing a glowing oration from q young barris- ter, advised him to pluck out the featil- CTS from the wing of his imagination and stick them in the tail of his judg- ment. 5sss Fs2
 rs~ Young man qualify yourself for business. Be aspiring, 1t is not only privilege but q duty. Be in earnest, persistent invinciblc; seek to rise upon your own merits; maintain inviolate your integrity and there will await Ia, f,,. g.
 nsssyA "Madamc,0 said q very polite traveller 10 testv old landlady, If see proper to help myselfto this milk is there any impropricty ill 1t z,
 q don't know what you mean; but if you mean to insinuate that there IS anything nasty in that milk, I'll give you to understand you've struck ltbe wroung house There ain't 8 first hair in it, foras soon as Marthy Ann told me the cat was drowned in the milk, I went gllt straight and strained 1t oyer.' g
 The young man fainted.
 GARDENING FOR LADIES -aialxc mp your bed early in the morning; sew butt tons on your husbands s shirt i; do not rake up grievances; protect the young and tender branches of your 1aInily; paint smile of good temper on your face, and carefully root out all angry feelings and expect good crop of hap piness.
 ACCOMMODATING HIMSELF TO CIR- cUMsTANcEs- The Richmond corrcspon- dent of the Danville Register tells the fol- lowing anecdote about General "Aliegha- ny Johnston, on the march to Bristoe Station in the fall of 1863. The General was aiding along the road, and perceiving one of his men up pcrsimmon tres, hal oed out to him
 'sI say, there, what are you doing up there 7 Why ain't you with your regi- ment ?o
 !" Pm gettin' simmons, am" replied the soldier.
 Persimmons, thunder! They are not ripe yet They are notfit to eat. sd
 s'sYes, but General, persisted the Con- fed, ssI'm trying to draw my stomach up to suit the size of my rations. If it stays like it is now shall starve."
 The General had nothing further tosay, but rode on.Egu -la Ffs FfA
 FISHING FOR A GoosE.--When Gen. Hoke's division was on the retreat l through Goldsboro' one of the boys baited d hook with grain of corn and 1 threw, it into q flock of geese that had been driven into a farmers yard for protection. No sooner on the ground, l than it was seized and swallowed by I the old gander.. Suddenly. his goose- ship was seen to fly over the fence, and with his wings spread, he was follow ing the soldier. The old farmer seeing this, ran out and exclaimed, "Don't 1 strike him, friend, he won't hurt youw l He had not seen the cord, and suppos- I ed the gander was for making fight at the stranger. He followed on for half l a mile, begging that his goose should not be hurt; when, to his utter dismav, I the goose mounted the horse with the I rider, and was soon out of sight. iE'i nspA boy, whose honesty is to be T more commended than his ingenuity, I once carried some butter to a merchant I in country village to exchange for goods. The butter having very A beautiful appearance, and the merchant being desirious of procuring such for his own use, invited the boy to bring him all the butter his mother had to spare. q think" said the boy, '.she . can't spare any more, for she said she would have not spared this, only rat fell into the cream, and she did not like to use it herself"
 2 Matrimony on the Brain.