Clarksville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1865-1867, 1866-09-07
lFrom the New Orleans Crescent.
SUIT LOvENGOOD MARRIES A WIFE.

KERSEL-I hcy no spread-cagle, iuordinate
or topliftical desire for to be perfaae; but
kernel, the DEVILS to pay an no pitch hot
(Sut was excited. 1t struck me that pos
sibly he had compromised himself with
whisky demJohn or q cotton stealing opera
ton. AS both matters are susceptible Of
being "harmonized" and sdjusted, was very
l0quacious in my efforts to calm him.
Rein up, kernel-hole yer 'hosses--don't
git inter hogst ef barril will hole ye,
and let ME talk
Member that gal with the chip hat an
ribbons an things, an the white jacket an
brass buttons, yer seed me with at the lake,
an you sed how--"sin' you shamed, SUIT"
Well, kernel, hole yer breath an keep
tight puckerin string, an be burned respec-
table in yer langwidge-fer that female is
my wife-I said my wifel
Gollyophilous what mouthfull!
Yes, sir, that woman diddled me inter
marryin' her.
Member I tole you bout sanctiied
white-choker Yankee chaplain cuss what had
a gopher contract? Well, be found hun
dred bales Confederick cotton underneath a
rosebush in somebody's garden, an was to
give me half eff could "work it through"
as Carondelet street says.
Well, found feller that's as good as
physic at workin' things. He inte1uced me
to all the big bugs, little bugs an bed bugs
as was said to be good at aworkin' things"
Uvry one be introduced me too, he'd, ap-
erieutly, cash--cash with looseness.
communed with myself. (Got that from
Newman.) | commun-ed with myself, an
wondered, an was amazed at the fushi-
ness Of the chameleons what didn't do moth
ink an prospered.
seek-ed my friend an axei was thar
showin' for getting inter the political ring.
He sed how the ring were not hugeiferous
ring now-hits circle were contracted, and
numbered only the faithtulfe few in Louisiana,
an the prospeck was hit would pay bime by.
| interrogated what was they faithful TO-
an was hit 'ligion an Newmans meetins;
not muchly ef my friend was aware Of it,
Hit was the nigger an the almighty dollar
in the extremity of the extreme notions GIN
nerally known--(an' my friend coughed an
sorter looked tother way when he said it)
-ginnerally known ez radical views.
Hit was big swaller, kernel, but come
to Orleens for to make money. Thar's more
patriots en- me has aoated to Orleens on a
likewise platform, but most Of ems dun TUX
back seat mongst the conservatives, an
don't talk out in meetin' ez loud ez they did
when Ben was here.
Well, thar want many of us, an twas said
the tricks was fixed the State war our'n, an
bein' short division, hit was good aig
Thar was the guv'ner, inordinate eagle
pantin' after that stage of fame some calls
infamy. Thar was bob-tail major ginneral
that don't know much moren grape from
canister. What he was arter, he don't know
bis self Thar was lawyers wantiu' fat pla-
ces, an politicians hankerin' after the blessed
times of '33 an ca.
Thar was lineal descendant of the IT,
conderoga hero, an another of Pocahontass s
husband by a private marriage, both from
the rural, an me from the city, with a sprink-
lin of ditchers, contractors, and delega-
ton from the lunatic asylums-an' we all
had axes fer TO grind.
| Our convention revival was rs promisin'
a spekilation ez Newman's church pilgrim
age to Washington, or the fish y adninistra-
tion Of the True Delta.
l weep to find its success cz easy ez maxim
Butler honest, Banks virtuous, Newman re-
ligious, or Wells an Cutler politicians.
Fer, oh kernel, the purleece NV Orleens
don't skeer wuth red cent. Our friends
didn't stand up to us. Andy johnson is q
traitor, Thad. Stevens "couldn't see it," an
flew the track, sum Nv 'um lied bout the
niggers bein' organized to defend us, and ouI
speck is furder up a spout than brass watch
at "yer unce's."
In the struggle we galliantly made, Mike
Hahn, the royal Cutler, Sut, an another mig
ger hid therselves underneath tabil. The
tabls to be seen yit, an ez proud ez tabi
kin be, of hevin' he'd hits laigs around us.
Cutler he adjourned to chimbley and
TUX quarters in the fust flue, an was smoked
out hy the ordacious perlice, an his white
close never wont git clean no more.
Two of our noblest sperrits is in one Of thu
comm Kingdoms, and ones gone to Wash
ington to find balm for his wounds. An
other hez led trumps by renouncin politics
another hez sold out his law shop an' fled t.
the bosom of Thaddeus an the shadder U
the wings of Sumner. Ticonderoga dodget
the perlice and quit the town 'twixt two
days, and Pocahonta's gran-chile Is missin'
; We is scattered an humhled, an blessed
) is the small fry like me an Newman wha
didn't show ourselves in any danger. Outer
the whole crowd, kernel, thar's only thre'
of us ez hes got comfortin' thought u
I scratch hisself with. Fish amt got his fac
damaged, somebody's sent Molly OConnor I
goat, an I've got a wife
, Tell you how hit come about:
Ny friend, lie said, how orter be mar
ried that hit was a good thing an highl
G respectful in hits influence, an helped
f ieller amazingly to work things, socially
morally, physically, and politically. He he
tried it to a considerable extent, an knew.
He could help me to wife ef scf tn
word, an one he knew was good one i
$ oil respex.
Well, he TUX me TO meet her at broths
Newmans prayer meetin' whar the sma
fry of the radicals most do congregate. Sh
war thar.
Her face seemed dstressinly familiar.
! She TUX my elbow, an the street we she
: down for to git to her roost were also M
u unbeknownst to me. had performed
some private theatricals in that street ons
y In an interestin' little drayma.
!. was evidently radically mistooken.
She were trainer of the youthful min
k bound in morocco, For. pure luv OF Il
a down trodden" land seventy dolarsa montt
she teached the infant Afrikins thar equalit
l. with white people.
d Her breath smelt of gin ez | saluted III
: ruby lips ON partin', but she sed II war tn
J. Juniper berry, which maidens OF her sex Al
s; Occupation in Massachusetts, used ez toni
d She 8 an attacby of the treedmen's burea
/. she must be one of the drawers of the b
n reau ledge, from the way she drawed me
he AN hits an orTh thing she drawed me il
ID to eff you 'bleeye Sut
ID She got me inter the ring, an aint o.
Ar yit an no prospect, 50 far as heerd from.
ne On lhe inllx ninht of my union with ID