The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1865-10-03
A. WARDS AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
BY HIMSELF

New YORK, NEAR FIFTH AEvENoo HOTEL, I
Org 3lct.
DR.. SIR Yrs, into which you ask me t.
send you sum leadin incidents in my life SO yor
can write my Bogfry for the papers, cum dool,
to hand, hav no doubt that article onto ny
life, grammattycally jerked and properly punk
tooated, would be addition to the chaois liter
aroor of the day
To the yooth of Ameriky it would be vallyble
as shown how high pinnykle of fame a man
can reach, who cOmmenst his career with
small canvass tent and pea-green OK, which he
rubbed 1t off while scratchin hisself agin the
centre pole, causin in Railway, N. j., a discrtn.
mating mob to say humbugs would not go down
in them villages The OK resoomd agricultooral
pursoots shortly afterwards
| l next tried my hand at givin Blind man con
certs, appearin as the poor blind man myself
But the infamous cuss who | hired to lead me
round towns in the day time to excite sympathy
drank freely of spiritoous Ticker unbeknowus
| to me one day, d while under them infooance
he led me into the caral had to either tear
the green bandage from my eyes or be drow nded
[ tho't I'd restore my eyesight.
1n~writin about these things, Mr. Editor,
kinder smooth 'em over. Speak of 'em as &C.
centrissities of genus.
MY next PentuT WDuIu nav DIN success III l.
hadn't tried to do too much. l got up series
Of wax fggers, and among others one of Socra-
tes [ tho't wax fgGer Of Old Sock, would be
poplar with eddycated people, but unfortnitly |
put Brown linen duster and u. S. Army
regulation cap on him, which people with clas-
sycal obligations said it was farce This en-
terprise was unfortnit in other respecks At a
certain town | advertised wax fgger of the
Hon'bie Amos Perkins, who was Railroad
President, aud great person in them parts
But it appeared l had shown the same fgger for
Pirut named Gibbs in that town the previs
season, which created intense toomult & the
audience remarked "shame unto me-" 4 other
statements of the same similarness | tried to
mollify 'em. | told them that any family pos
scssiu children might have my she tiger to play
with half day & wouldn't charge '6m sent,
but alas it was of no avail. was forced to
leave, and l infer from article in the Adver-
tiser of that town, in which the Editor says,
''Altho' time has siKered this mans he'd with
its frosts, be still brazenly wallows in infamy-
Still are his snakes stuffed, and his wax works
unreliable We are glad that he has concluded
to never revisit our town, altho', incredible as it
may appear, the fellow reelly did contemplate SO
doing last summer; when, still true to the craven
instincts of his black heart, he wrote the hire
Street to know wbatthey would charge for 400
small bills to be done on yellow paper We
shall recur to this matter again"
| say, l infer from this article that prejudss
still exists agin me in that town.
l will not speak of my once being in straitened
circumstances in a certin town, and of my en-
deaverin' to accoomulate welth by lettin myself
to Sabbath school mics, to sing ballads
adapted to the understandings of little children,
accompanying myself on claironett-which /
forgot where | was one day, sngin instead of
"Oh, how pleasant to be little Child"
Rip snap-set 'em up again,
Right in the middle of "a three cent pie,
which mistake added to the fact that couldn't
play onto the claironett, except making it howl
dismal, broke up the picnic, and children said,
Ia voices choked with sobs and emotions where
was their Pa? and l said be quiet dear children,
[ am your Pa, which made young woman with
two twins by her side say very angryly, "Good
heavens forbid you should ever be the Pa of any
of these innocent ones unless it is much desir-
able for them to expire igminyusly up to MUIR
derer's gallus !"
say will not speak of this. Let it be Ber-
ried into Oblivyon.
In your article, Mr Editor, please tell 'em
what sort of man I am
If you see fit to kriticise my Show, Speak your
mind freely. / do not object to kriticism Tell
the public in candid and graceful article, that
nay Show abounds in moral and startling curios-
tiles, any one of " hom is wuth bubble the price
of admission.
l hav thus far spoke of myself exclusively as
a exhibitor.
l was born in the State Of Maine of parents.
As nfant attracted great deal of attention.
The nabers would stand over my cradle for
hours and say, How bright that little face looks!
Howenuch nose" The young ladies would
carry me round in their arms, sayin | was muz.
zers bezzy darlin and sweety 'eety title ting,
was nice, tho l wasn't old enuff to properly
appreciate it. I'm helthy old darln now.
have alters sustained good moral character,
was never a railroad director in my life
: Altho' in early life did not inva'bly eonfne
myself to truth in my small bills, hav bin gra-
dooally CROWN respectabler and respectabler
ev'ry year. luv my children, and never mis-
take another mans wife for my own. I'm not
a member of any peetin' house, but firmly
beeve in meetin' houses, and shouldn't feel safe
to take dose of laudnum and lay down in the
street of a village that hadn't any, with thou
sand dollars in my vest pocket.
Ny temperament is bilious, altho' don't owe