The Jeffersonian Democrat. [volume] (Chardon, Ohio) 1854-1865, 1865-10-06
Artemus Wards Autobiography.
BY HIMSELF. .
New YoRK, NEAR FIFTH AvENoo HOTEL I
nsu

.l.... f'.. .- Org. 3icL 1
DR.. SIRs: Yrs, into which you ask mo to
send you sum leadin incidents in my lie 90 |
you can write my Bogfry for the papers,
cum dooly TO hand. bav no doubt that
article onto my life, grsmmaty ycaliy jerked
and properly punktooa,cd. would be an ad- |
dition to tho cbsois literatoor of the day.
To tho yoo,h OF Ameriky it would DO val.
lysble ss shown how high pinnykle of
fame man cnn reach who commeDst his
career with small canvas tent and pea
green OF, which be rubbed IL of while
scratchin his,eif aein tho center pole ,causin
in Railway, n. j., a discriminate ting mob to
say hunbugs would not 20 down in them
village. The OK resoom'd agricultooral pur.
soots shortly afterwards. .l r.,..r -. 10
lpext tried my hand at givin Blind. man
concerts. appearing sstbo poor bIind-msn
myself. But tho infamous cuss who hired
to lead mo round towns 10 the day time 10
excite sympathy drank freely ofs spiritoous
liker unbeknowns TO me ono day, & while
upder them ibfoanco be led me into tho
canal. bad to either tear the green bapd-
ieo from my eyes or be drowDded. ! thot
Id restore my eyesight. go rt.rrl .uA
In writin about these things. Mr.. Editor,
kinder smooth 'em over. Speak Of ON as
| My next vontur would bav bin success
If hadn't Tried to do too much. got up
a series Of wax fggors, and among o'bers one
of Socrates, hot q feger of Old Sock
would be poplar With eddicated peple, but
unfortunately l put . brown liuen duster
and U. s. army regulation cap on him.
which peplo with classycai oddycations said
it was . farce. This enterprise was unfor.
Tint in other respecks. At q certain towu
| advertised . wax fgger Of tho Hon'ble
Amos Perkins, Who WAS railroad president
and great person in them parts. a.Ira..
But it appeared that had shown the
Same fgger for Pirat named Gibbs iu that
town the previous season, which created q
intesne toomult, 81 the audience remarked
'shame onto me" & other statements of tho
same similarness. tried to molify ON. l
told them that any family possessin children
might bavo my sbo tiger to play with half a
day, & l Wouldn't charge EN- q cent, but
aiarsl il was of no vail. j was forced TO
leave, and infur from article In the .4duer.
tizer of that town, in which the editor says,
l"Altborgh time has silvered this mans he'd
with, frosts, be still sbrazeniy wallows In in
fanny. Still arc bis .snakes stuffed. and his
wax works unreliable. ~ We arc glad he has
concluded 10 never revisit this town, A;tho,
incredible a. it may appear, the fellow. reely
scns%psts .s 80 ases s:s 81 81
black ,heart,s be sfote tho hireliDg kuassl
of tho obscure journal across the, stress "a
, know What they would charge Tor 400 email
bills, to. be done, on yellow psper!- We
shall recur to this matter again" ssa1l pys.
II 4, say. i infer from this article that pref
udioe s,iil exists agin me In that town. 81 q
sIs will not speak of, my ODee bting IN
straiRhtened circumstances in ssrtin town
, and o. my endeasortns to sccoou, vlate welth
, by lettin myself 10 Sabbath schools pic-nio'
TO sipe ballads adapted 10 the understanding
. Of little children, accompanying myself OF
! aclairouet-wbich l. forgot where I tVss ont
. day s,pgin,, iDai cad of "Oh how pleasant q
bs asii,iIe child."sas ssc, ~ qss,sb - zri 70
RSb S he midde sssSs is1esesn, n
which, mistake. added 10 tho fact thai
couldn't play onto The claironet except max,
, ing Il howl dismal, broke up the picnic, and
. children said In voices cboked with sobs and
emotions who're was their home and whore
was their Pa? and said be quiet dear chil.
dron, am your Pa. which mode . young
, woman With two twins by her side soy very
apgrily, "Good heavens forbid you should
ever be the Ps of any Of these innocent ones
unless il 10 much desirable for them to ex
, pire ismin, usly upon to murdoreri gal
iusl" "a -, -. -. = ... -, -, -,
1 say I viii not speak Of this. lie. II be
berrid into Oblivion. -. 49,, -,
! In your article, Mr.. Edisor,pIease tell 'eu
what sort of a man am. go, .,...,. ..
If you see ft TO kriticise my show speak
q your mind freely. do not object 10 kriti
: ci.m. Tell the public in candid and grace
, full article, that my Show abounds in mora
. and startlin' curiosIties, any one Of whom il
. vuth bubble the.pricc of admission. ..-..
Il bav thus far spoke of myself excloo
sively as a exhibiter. -. ...' .-..-.- ......
was born in the State of Maine of pa
4 rents. As q infant 1 attracted great dea
}. of attention. The nabers would stand ore
my cradle for hours aud say, How brigh
o the face looks! How much II noseg' Th'
. young ladies would carry me round in the
4 arms, saying I was muzzer's besaed dar!ir
@ and sweeIy 'eety title ting. 1t was nice
d tho wasn't old enough to properly appre
4 ciato it. I'm healthy old darlin' now.
n have allus sustained good moral char
n acter. was never railroad director II
). my life. 1853 -
: Altho' in early life did not inva'bly con
20 fine myself to truth in my small bills, ha
9, bin gradoonly growing respcctabler and re
Ir spectabler eVry year. 1 luv my cnnereu
d and never mistake another mans wife TO
!, my own. I'm not a member ofany moetin
I. house, but firmly b'leeye 10 meeting houses
4; and shouldn't feel safo to take dose
It Iaudapum and lay down in the streets OF
i, village that hadn't any, with thousand dol
lars in my vest pocket.
My temperament is bilious, altho' don
owe dollar in the world.
ar aa riv risar. Uifa ia Pres
Of byterian. may add that am also bald
III haJaA Laan rnus