Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1865-10-11

: A DUrcH JUsrIcE OUrpoSE.-A Dutch
Justice is the universal pack-horse for all
judicial bulls-but we lately heard sto.
ry which we shall saddle upon Yankee
justice in Iowa. A man sued another in
an action of account. Sitter patiently
hearing the case through, his Honor pro
nounced JUDI gment as follows:
"John Smith, stand up; you have had
fair and impartial trial by ajury of
your country, and have been found in.
debted to the plaintiff. This court, there
fore, pronounces Judgment against you
for the sum of eighteen and three-fourth
cents, and man God Almighty have msrcy
on yo,tr seuli" ~ -. e.s
"Nor TO Re HUMMuaoEp."-.We heard
good story the other day Of distin-
guished politicia from the 'rural dis.
tricts, who, being in Augusta on visit,
resolved to give splendid dinner to some
of his party friends.
ln'order to make sure that everything
should be of the very best quality, he
went to market himself and bought first
a turtle. After taking great pains to Sc
lect one of the finest specimens in the lot,
and ordering it to be sent home, said to the
tradesman, by way Of making it quite
right
This is right down genuine turtle,
amt it? 49,
'oh, certainly was the reply, 'one Of
the very best
Because added the purchaser, al
though / hain't been in the city long, |
amt to be humbugged. 1t won't do Tor
you to try to put off any of your con-
founded mock turtles on me!'
eW% A servant being sent to match
china plate, returned with one of an en-
tirely different pattern. After scolding
for some time. the mistress said,-
"Stupid do. you see that tie taco are
entirely different 2"
"No, num-" was the reply;" only one
of them is different"
Gr"Put beggar on horseback and
he will ride to the devil" is now render
ed
Establish mendicant5 upon the up.
permost section of a charger, and he will
transport himself to Apollyon."
w- A lady sent for new velvet man.
tilla at her drcss-maker's.
",Tohn," said she, {" if it rains, take q
coach; had rather pay the hack hire than
have the mantilla wet"
When. the man handed her the mantil-
la it was ruined, the paper which covered
it being saturated with water.
sWhy. John,' she said, 81 told you
to take cab ifit rained.".
$50 | did, mum; but sure, mum, you
would not have your foot man q ridin'
inside. got on the box with the driver
mum. And so ] did,"
aW A noted old miser in Augusta, it
is said, has learned to bark in order to
avoid the expense Of keeping awatch dog.
TN Lhat .1 is what we call carrying economy to
C. An lrishman called at printing
Office with an advertisement, and like .
| prudent man, inquired what it would
cost. lie was informed that For one in
sertion the price would be 81; subsequent
insertions rs cents each.
can faith" said he, CPL only have
two subsequent insertion!"
.w Bus, to kiss; rebus to kiss again;
blunderbus, two girls kissing each other;
omnibus to kiss all the girls in the room;
buster, general kisser; e-plutri. .bus-u.
mum, thousand kisses in one.
w A "big Indian" strayed away
from his camp, and got lost. lnquiring
the way back, he was asked, "Indian lost 2"
"No," said he disdainfilly, ".Indian no
lost; wigwam lost striking his breast,
"Indian here" :
An inveterate punster happened
to go into one of the banks the other day,
just as the worthy cashier was running
up, with his accustomed celerity and cor
rectness, a very long column Of figures.
The waggish visitor saw thesum compile
ted, and then remarked to the official with
very grave face:
sR-, understand they talk ofsend-
Ing you to the Worlds Fair, as = speci.
men of the American adder"
"A John Bull conversing with an,
Indian asked him if he knew the sun nev-,
er sets on the Queens dominions. No"
said the Indian. "Do you know the rea-
son why n asked John. "Because God
is afraid to trust an Euglishmsn in the
dark" was the dusky savage's reply,
CURE FOR JEALousLY.-A jealous man,
who was ON a visitto London, was Undue.
ed to call on clairvoyant and ascertain
what his wife was doing at her residence,
some ninety miles away.
"She is sitting in her parlor," said the:
lady, "and she looks out of the window,
as if in expectation"
"Strange," said the gentleman, "what
can she expect?"
"some one entering the door! she ca.
resses him fondly!"