The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-10-07
NJ. Smooth's First Waltze
BY CLARA AUGUSTA.

Cult OF PattgOny to the burning noun
tains in Kam.earky they're known and
took, aud recommended The man in
the monn himself would use 'em The
Empror of Mexicus keeps 'em alters by
him, and his wife Mrs. Charlotte. she
never goes to bed without taKinga dose
OF em.
Well, I'm the man that discovered
these wonderful btters, and my name is
Samuel Smooth, AMI | was borned and
brought in the town of lienIpford, in
the mmonwealth Of New Hampshire.
| don't hesitate TO say, that nothing
can stand alongside OF my bitters. 1t
you don't believe it, just you get "a bot
tie and take 'em faithfully, aud if you
don't wish you hadn't, then I'll give
you another bottle.
They're sweet to smell,
They're smooth to take,
They'll make you we'll
|. OF st mach ache:
They'll cIense the blood,
And make you feel
Tremendous good
And lumber as an eel.
I made the poitry myself, aud if
there's anybody that it don't suit, why
Just let EN- make some more on the
same subject.
took half bottle Of my bitters once,
and thought shouldn't live from one
eud to tother. Marm said | looked
Just like wrung out dishc.oti' Moth
ing in 'em but yeast boiled in new rum.
Perfectly harmless kitten might take
'em and never know what she was a
tapping Of They'll make the old
young. and yicy versey-thcy'll operate
just as you want 'em to ! oDly two dol.
lars bottle owing to the price OF gold,
which is falling So fast that | suspect
to be able to afford 'em for nothing
afore long.
Well a little better'n fortnight ago
/ went to the city of guess | wont
tell the name for fear other cities will
be jtllus--to establish an agency for
my bitters
| had tust rate luck, and as there was
going to be ball at the Washington
House ] concluded to see a little of
high life, and attend.
| got pair Of white panta!oons tight
as nv skin, scarlet neck tie. squiz'
zing glass, and pair OF white kids.
| hadn't no female acquaintances SO
| gave my landlady dollar to 6nd one
Tor me. She bruug one right along
as slick looking gal as ever you see
with blue eyes, and yellow hair done
ortJ one of those ere rats with both
ends sticking out
Her name was Dora Smith, and after
il little paIaver, | hitched onto her, aud
peraded her into the ball room. Nearly
Everybody that was able to be out wa,
there. Iexpect there'd have been a
good many more present that was on
beds of sickness, if they'd only have took
my bitters tie day atore.
1t was gay time. There was a
whole troop oc fellers. whisking as many
gals round and round as fast as ever
they could whirl 'em, and the air was
| full Of false curIs lrizet'es, waterfalls, and
.a,r p.us picked up whole pocket
full to carry home to sister Periwiukle
aud | might have got a good many
more il hadu't been afraid Of bursting
my tights, tor they growed closer and
closer every minnit. The lying tailul
that | bought EN- of, sed they'd stretch
but he never made bigger mistake il
his life.
"Do you dance, Mr.. Smooth ?" sait
Miss Smith.
mo" said I-"that | is, Miss Smith
only a little for my own amusement
happened to remember what Matti
: Sophie Jones all"rs says when she's ask
ed to play on her pianny forty.
J I'd never even seen any dancing, fo
my folks was QIlEers, and would hav
put me m a strait jacket if / had ven
tured to HAT az a wish for such ungodI
kickinsup.
"Oh, dearI" said Dora-'I Am S.
, sorry !"
A set was just forming. looked il
} her eyes which was growing red rouu
the corners, and resolved to go in if
never cume out.
/ "Miss smith" said I-'shall
4 whirl you spell p
She put her arm around my, neck
D aud took hold Of my arm.
e Good gracious 7" cried I-"Don
D Miss Dora, right here before all the
!, folks II haint the leastest objection {
t you kissing me, and we'll stop out in II.
G entry a minnet."