The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-12-21
For the Jefersonian.
Mr.. WHACKHAMMER'S LECTURES.
NO. 1.-FASHION.

Ine lecture season is upon US, and a
free lectures give room for the freest
speech, where they, who find their yes
sells filled to overfowing before the lecture
is half delivered, can retire without losing
half their ticket money, have adopted
this system to do the greatest good to all
my hearers.
My first talk shall be of the "Fashion
Of this world" which is the modern god
of almost all the female portion of the
great human family, and especially Of
those who chanced to be born in christian
countries, and walked up to enjoy the
light Of civilization. They pity the be-
nighted condition of the poor heather
who worship naked gods, for without the
"trimmiags," these gods are beneath the
exalted idea of Heightened christian la
dies. | tell you those "naked gods" of
! the heather are worshipped 10 sincerity,
and so is the god, Fashion, whilst the
true God, the one cur christian ladies'
profeSs to serve, is altogether less than
secondary. And | venture the assertion
here that all the torture of the inquisition,
the self inflicted punishment of heath3n
rites and customs do not come up to
the self unrest that follows stays, starch,
furs, waterfalls and buttons. You may
wonder why | put furs in the category,
but is there not Inconsistency when you
find a muff in one hand and fan in the
other? \ muff is neUer of any use F; let
your hands hang down as Nature intend
ed and you will walk easier and look bet
ter. If you ride, as you always want to
do, put on glove and not the Laplander
OF all the designations ever appended
to 'the human form divine" the water
fall outstrips every other. 1t is an abom-
ination to common sense and every other
kind of sense, and even reaches beyond
the superlative of nonsense! 1t is be-
yond insanity, and idisinocrac cy cam reach
it, Satan never induced a won an to wear
anything more like the appendage of the
inhabitants of the internal regions than
this same "what is II" and the sooner he
calls them all in for the exclusive use
of those inhabitants" the better, even
though tears of his dupes flow IN such
torrents as to endanger his fires What
a representative of character is this thing!
l shall not call it waterfall again, for |
consider the name scandal to nature
The larger the clump behind, the greater
the fool ahead brains the necessity, hair
and cotton the substitute. Warty egg
plants, of all sizes, and screwed into all
shapes tumors black, brown, red, all ask
ing the surgeons knife to separate them
from the more worthless balancing power
in front If | were surgeon | would
soon respond to the inauimate call and
there would be such chopping of of
vileness as never was known since the
Southern chivalry iuvoluntarily took the
oath of allegiance and acknowledged that
tLeir domestic institution" was dead.
l suppose my female friends begin to
think | am coming out rather rongh, but
it is conscientious fact, that | have look
ed on the evil of fashion just as long as it
was possible for me to contain myself,
and the superfuity is now running over.
I can't help it, and besides | am afraid
you will all get crazy running after fash
ion, while your poor families and poorer
husbands, whom you promised to love and
labor for, will find that domestic comfort,
to say nothing about felicity. is altogeth-
er failure. Don't say you have nc
family and no husband. What do you
expect of fuss and feathers, your gay
dresses loaded with trimmings. and that
wonderful hat Of yours, bat that all these
are to catch a husband for you? | will
Just tell you, girls, this is not the way to
pet a sensible man. Men naturally like
to see plain things, for they usually have
plain facts to deal with. You are using
strategy, but ribon and hair strategy is
rather fimsy for SO important campaign
| am glad | got married before | had tc
stand up beside turban hat, an over
coat and pair of boots. In such case
I might have doubts as to who was to be
the man. | labored under no such diff
iculty, and / am free now to speak t.
you as please for am past the. .mittens
Your milliners are fooling you every
three months with "new STYLE" OF bonnet
and what is it for but to get you to pu
money in their pockets? They cut then
up in all sorts of queer shapes and Sc
Il l.