Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1865-09-12

AND my vile wants to wash.
WIT AND WISDOM.
When can donkey be spet with one letter p
When it's U Nothing personal meant.
He who receives good turn should never for
get it; he who does one should never rem ember
it.
The lady bathers at Newport are SO democratic
that they never once object to the embraces of
serfs.
lady must think she has something very val
liable in her head, if we may judge from the num-
Der oflocks she keeps upon it.
little girl at Sabbath School, being asked if
she loved the Lord, replied:
Don't know thir haint got nothin gin him.
Why she uld a man always wear watch when
he travels in desert Because every watch has
spring in it.
Married, in Michigan, Mr.. Henry Bills to Miss
Mary Small We hope the issue of small Bills is
not prohibited in that State.
couple named Jerry Better and Louisa ellis,
were married at the Cathedral in Cincinnati, on
Saturday. Louisa was Well but now she is Bet
ter.
'iPapa, why do they plant guns do they grow
and have leaves %
tNo, my son; but like plants they shoot, and
then others do the leaving"
Mr.. James Hogg was married to Miss Ella
Beane, lately. What can be more natural than a
union of pork and beans But this union seems
all one-slded-only one bean to a whole hog.
An editor says his attention was first drawn to
matrimony by the skllful manner in which
pretty girl handled broom. brother editor
says the manner in which his wife handles the
broom is not so very pleasant.
A farmer wrote as follows to a distinguished
scientific agriculturalist, to whom he felt under
obligations for introducing variety of swine
RESPECTED Sir-I went yesterday to the cattle
show. found several pigs of your Species
There were q great variety of hogs, and was as
tonished at not seeing you there"
A GREAT ADMINISTRATIONS till America,
Pat !" writes son of the EmeradIsle to his friend
In ireland I" tits fine country to get living in
All ye have to do is to get three-cornered box
and fill it with brick and carry it till the top of
four-story building, and the man at the top does
all the work"
.SUsPIoIoN.-It is the worst poll cy in the world
ever to bear an appearance of doubt towards an
other till he has given you good cause. Your
suspicion may make an enemy, but it can never
gain friend; and man who is distrusted find
w
by yilliany, very often becomes knave through
having been suspected of being so.
'Colonel W. is a fine looking man, is he not P''
said friend of ours
eyes" replied another, az was taken for him
once''
"You? why, you're as ugly as sin !"
81 don't care for that was taken for him.
endorsed his note, and was taken for him-by the
sheriff"
Coleridge was remarkably awkward horseman
so much so as generally to attract notice. Hell
was once riding along turnpike road, when a.
wag approaching noticed his popularity, and
thought the rider fine subject for little sport
when, as he drew near lie thus accosted the 30 ct
81 say, young man, did you meet tailor on the
road 2" eyes, replied Coleridge 81 did; and he
told me if went little.further should meet his
goose"
If woman wishes to be groat fayorite with |
her female acquaintance, she has only to permit
them to out dress her. The more intent they are |
IN gewgaws and decorations, the more profound |
will be the respects for her who totally disregards
them Let any one look amongst his or her
friends, and see if she who is most beloved is not
one of less pretension to fancy than those around
her.
A country editor, who works for glory and
prints on trust, is responsible for the following
huaIleuhlcdl ASPIRATION on Tue man VINO won |
pay the printer:
May he have sore eyes, and chestnut burr
for an eyestone. May every day of his life be
more despotic than the Dey of Algiers. May
ne never be permitted to kiss handsome woman. |
May his boots leak, and his gun hang fire. and
his fishing line break. May his coffee be sweet
ened with flies, and his soup seasoned with spi- |
ders. May his friend run off with his wife, and
his children take the whooping cough. May his |
cattle die of murrain, and his pigs destroy his |
garden. May regiment Of cats caterwal under his
window each night. May his cows give sour milk
and rancid butter. In short, may his daughter
marry one-eyed editor, and his business 20 to |
ruin, and he go to-the Legislature.
Early Rising. who will thrive must rise at
hve." So says the proverb, though there is more
rhyme than reason in it; for if
He who would thrive must rist rise at five, |
it must follow a fortiori,
He who'd thrive more, must rise at four;
and it will ensure q yfortissinao, that
He who'd still more thriving be
Must leave his bed at turn of three
And who this latter would Guido,
Will rouse him at stroke of two.
and by way of climax to the whole, it should hold
good that he
Who would never be outdone,
Must ever rise one.
But tie best illustration would be thus
Ee who'd flourish best of all,
Should never go to bed at all.