The Potter journal. [volume] (Coudersport, Pa.) 1857-1872, 1865-09-05
CIR RANDMA.

their Grandmother "CoDserVatlsm any
peace! Must the poor old lady be kept
forever stumping about trying to hit them
with her baggy umbrella and merely
loosiug her balance and her temper
together Will the reprobates never
mind her scolding, and 60 on for ever
smiling as she calls them hard names in
her shrillest tone ? Is it not enough
that the war is at an end? Must these
sturdy fellows clamor to have the results |
of the war secured? Is it not enough
that the rebels have been worsted Must
these pestilent brawlers insist also that
they shall not be trusted? Here is a
wolf in Grandma's nursery, and it has
been driven under the bed. Is it not
enough to make the nervous old lady for
swear her sex to hear these imps crying
out to make an end of him Isn't he out
of sight, you exasperating crew,and won't
you shut your. .mischeTions mouths and be
quiet?
So'the old lady means and scolds and
rocks herself in ludicrous wrath. If
pleasant voice says that we had perhaps
better consider what is TO be done next
ooh you abominable radical p groans
the blessed Grandma If another whis-
pers that experience has not taught US to
believe everything which our wayward
sisters say"-"you vile sectionallst J"
whimpers the mobeap. If third won
ders whether American citizens have
equal rights-"0h you wretched fanatic!'
gasps the rufied dame. If fourth mild
" suggests that those who have won the
victory should organize its results-"0h,
you bowling incendiary!' screams the
futile virago, shaking her umbrella and
ready to fall from her chair in Vexation.
Grandmother Conservatismsis pretty
well known and understood in the family.
Her sagacity has one rule of action in all
possible mergencies-"Shut your mouth
and eyes," If you want to be comfort
able, she says, don't see anything and
don't say anything. If the wolf is drink
ing above the lamb and the wolf accuse
bis woolly neighbor of muddying the
water, shake your fist at the lamb, says
Grandma, and call him a vile sectional
incendiary for stirring the stream. Sup
pose he is below the wolf, and cant pos
sibly affect the water where the wolf is
drinking-thou fool is not the wolf the
stronger? In any case, will not the wolf
make trouble, and the lamb submit
When our late domestic troubles began
our Grandma was an edifying spectacle.
Some of the family insisted on ruling the
house exactly as they chose, even TO
smearlng it all over with filth or burning
1t down. The others protested. The
bullies threatened. So we counted noses
aud found that they were only few who
were bent upon disturbing the household.
None of taeir rights were touched or
threatened, but they insisted upon touch
ing those of the rest of the family. 1t
was clear that either the bullies or the
family must surrender. They must rule
or the family must.
Just at this time Grandmother Conser-
vatism opened her mouth "Let them
have their own way," said she to her fam
lily; "what have you been exasperating
them for don't you know they are your
brethren ? Let them have their own way
or they'll pull the house down about our
ears -
The family listened TO their hearts and
their honor, to law and justice, instead of
the old woman, and the fight began
The blows-as brothers blows always are
were deadly. The uproar was tremead-
Gus. The din filed the world. And
through the whole of it how that old wo-
man did cackIe ! The young aud strong
members-those who knew exactly what
the quarrel was about, and how all such
quarrels must be settled-naturally di-
rected the family In the fight. But
whenever they said. "Now, hit 'em here !"
they heard the familiar quaver trembling
ooh you wretched fanatics you vile
ineendiaries who have brought the hor-
rible struggle upon US !" And whenever
the cherry voice of vigor and conviction
cried again, "And now, hit 'em there /"
once more the sharp squeal arose-"Oh
dear me ! these radicals will be the death
of us Stop, you sectionalists I solemn
~ declare that you are running everything.
1t is you who are guilty of everything.
Dear me the floor is shaking; the house
is coming down And yon have done it
you factions, incendiary radicals. Oh,
radicallsm radicaIism Oh oh oh "
The family put the old lady in the closet,
and finish the fight by general victory.
Now that it is over they have opened
the closet, aud the same Grandmother
steps out. Leaning on her umbrella and
smoothing her rumpled ribbons and fur
bellows, she begins at once; "Of course
radcalism has no manners 1t treats its
Grauma without a spark of natural piety.
But give you fair notice. Whenever
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