Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1865-10-12
ARTEMUs Wards AuTOBuOG-
RAP1IY.
BY IIIMsELF.
New YoRK, NEAR 5Tn AvENoo HOTEL,

|
New York, NEAR 5Tn AvENoo HOTEL,
Org. 3lct.
DIR. SIR-Yrs, into which you ask inc 10
send YOU some leading incidents in my life
so that you can write my Bogfry forthe IVA.
pers, come dooly to hand. hav no doubt
that an article onto my life grammattycally
jerked and properly punktooated, would be
a addition TO the chos literatoor of the
day. .t r.I.s a.... .T
To the yooth of Ameriky it would be a
vallyble as shown how high pinykle of
fame man can reach who comlnenst his
career with canvas tent and a pea green
OK, which he rubbed it of while schratcbin
hisself agin the centre pole, ca,isin in Rath-
way, NJ D., a discriminating mob to say
humbugs would not 60 down in them vii.
lage. The OK resoomed agricutooral pur-
scots shortly afterwards. , rgH ~
| next tried my hand at giving blind man
concerts, appearin as the poor blind man
myself But the Infamous cuss who hired
to lead me round town in the day time to
excite sympathy, drank freely Of spiritous
licker unbeknowns to me one day, Il while
under them iuhoance he led me into the ca
nal. | had to either tear the green bandaee
| from my eyes or he drownded. | thot L d
restore my eyesight.
In writing about these things, Mr. Editor,
kiner smooth 'em over. Speak of en- a.
cccentrssites of gen Ms. ...s
My next venture would have been success
it L hadt tried to do too much. | got up
a series Of wax fggers, and among other
that OF Socrates. ! tho't wax figger Of
Old Sock would be poplar with the cddyca-
ted people. but unlortini,ly put Brown
linen du>ter and a U. S. army regulation
cap upon him, which peple with classical
eddycatinn- said it wa, a farce. This enter.
prlz was unfortinit in other respects At q
certain town had advertised wax fggcr
OF the ll'n'b bic Amo, Perkins, who was
Haliroad President and a great person in
them parts. But it appears that | had
shown the same fggcr for a Pirut name |
Gibbs IN hat town the prcvis season, which
created an immense toomult, and the audi
ence remarked shame unto me-" and 9th
er statements nf the same similrness.
tried to mollify en- told them that any
family posscssn children might have my
she tiger to play with half day, & would
n t charge 'em cent but aars! it was of
no avail was forced to leave, and infer
from an article in the Advertiser of that
town, IN which the Editur says: Although
time has siivercd this mans he'd with it,
frost, he still blazculy wallows in infanly
Std are his snakes sound and wax works ;
unreliable. We are glad that he has con,
Guided to never visit our town, although
lncredlbc as 1t may appear, the fellow real
ly. did contemplate SO doing last summer;
when still true to the craven instincts of his
black heart, he wrote the hircling knaves at
the obscure journal across the street to know
what they would charge for four hundred
small bills to be done on yellow paper! We
shall recur to this matter again"
| say, infer from this article that pref
udice still exists agin me in that town.
will not speak ofmy once being in strait
ened circumstances in II sertin town, and o
my endeavorin to accumulate welth by let
tin myself to Sabbath school pcnics, to sing
ballads adapted to the understandings of lit
Clarionett-which | forgot where | was one
day singin instead of"Oh, how pleasant to
be little child. -a
Rip snap-set 'em up again,
Right in the middle OF II three cent pie.
! Which mistake, added to the fact that |
couldn' play on the clarionett except max
Ing it howl dismal, broke up the picnic and
children said in voices choked with sobs and
emotions where was their home and where
was their Pa? and | said be quiet dear chill
dren, | am your Pa, which made young
woman with two twins by her side say very
angrlly, Good heavens forbid you should
be the Pa Of any of these innocent ones un.
less it is much desirable for them to expire
igmininys up on to murdcrer's gallus!''
| say | will not speak OF this. Let it be
Bcrlid into Oblivyon.
In your article, Mr. Editur, please tell
EN- what sort Of man am.
If you see fit to kritic,e my Show speak
your mind freely. do not object to krit-
cism. Tell the public ina candid and grace
full article, that my show abounds in moral
and startlin curiosties, any one of whom il
worth double the price of admission
l hay thus far spoke of myself excloosivc.
ly as an exhibitor.
| was born in the State of Maine of pa.
rents. As infant attracted great deal
Of attention. The nabers would stand over
my c;adle for hours and say, "IIow bright
that little face looks! How much it nose.'
their arms, saying was muzzers bezzy dar-
lin and sweet 'ecty little thing It was
nice, tho | wasn't old enuff to properly
appreciate it, I'm healthy old darling
now.
| hav alters sustained moral character
was never a railroad conductor in my life
Allho' in early life | did not invarabl,
continc myself to the truth in my small lill
| have been gradooly CROWN respectalle
and rcspcctablcr every year. luv my chill
dren and never mistake another mans wife
for my own. I'm not n member of any
mectin house, but b'lcevc in mectin houses
aud shouldn't feel safe to take dose OF
au,lnum and lay down in the streets of Il
village that hadn't any with 81, 900 bill in
my vest pocket
, My temperament is bilious, altho don
owe dollar in the world
am an early riser, my wife is Presby
terian. may add I'm bald heded. IkeeI
two cows.
liv in Baldinsville, Indiany. Ny mex
door naber is old Steve Bilins I'll tel
; you story about Old Steve that will MAKE
, you larf He jined the Church last spring
and the minister said, "You must go homt
now, Brother Billns, and erect family al
!. tar in your house." whereupon the eggreg
jis old ass went home and built reg lal
Pulpit in his sittin room. He had jiner,
in his house four days.
am (57) years of age. Time, with it
relentless scythe, is ever busy, The Olt
, Sexton gather them in, he gathers them in
D keep pig this year.
don't think of more, Mr.. Ed ter.
Slf you should Civ my portrait in connec
ton with the Bogty, please have me ingrav
5 ed in languishin' attitude, leaning on
marble pillar, leavin' my back hair as it i
now TrOOly Yours