Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1865-11-23
Courting.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

Courting il a luxury, it is salad, it il ize
water, it il the pla spell ov the soul The
man who has never courted has lived in vain !;
he has been blind man amhng landscapes,
and waterskapes he has been def man in
the land of hand Origins, and by the side ov
murmuring cannals. Courting IL like little
springs ov soft water that steal out from un-
der rock at the fut of mountain and run
down the hill. side by side, singing and
dansing and scattering each other, eddying
and frothing and kaskading, now hiding un-
der the bank, full ov shadder, till bimcby they
jine and then tina go slow. l am in favor ov
long courting; it gives the parties chaLse
to find out each uthcrs trump kards, it il
real good exercise, and liz just as innersent as
two merino lambs.
Courting il like strawberries and cream,
wants to be did slow, then yu cit the Gaver,
have saw folks git acquainted, fall in luv,
git married, settle down and git tew wurk, in
3 weeks from date This is just the way sum
folks arn trade-akounts for the CRATE
number of kalamitey mean mechanicks we hav
and the poor jobs that turn out Perhaps it
z best should state sum good avise tew young
men who are about 2 court with a final view 9
matrimony as it was. In the fust place,
young man you want tew git yure system awl
rite and then find young woman who IL
willing 2 be courtid on the square.
The next thing liz to find out how old she IL,
which you can dew bi asking her. and she
will sa that she il 10 years old, and this you
will find won't be far frum out ov the way.
The next best thing iz tew begin moderate;
say onse every mite in the week for the fust
six months, increasing the dose as the patient
seems to require it.
1t il fust rate wa 2 court the girls mother
leetle on the start, for there IL one thing a
woman never despizes, and that il, leetle
good courting if it il done strictly on the
square. After the fust year yu will begin 2
like the buzziness.
There IL one thin l alwus advice, and that
is not swop fotograffs oftener than ousc in
10 days, less you forgit how the gal looks.
OCCASIONALLY yu want look sorry and draw
in yure wind as tho yu had pain; this will set
the girl 2 teasing yu tcw frd cut what ails
yu.
Evenin' meetings are good thing tew tend.
1t will keep yure religion in tune and then if
the gal happens be there bi acksident, she
can ask yu tn go hum with her.
AS general thing wouldn't brag on uther
gals much when was courtin'-It mite look
as tho yu knu much.
If yu will court 3 years in this way, awl
the time ON the square, if you don't sa it iz a
lectlc the slickest time in yure life you can
git measured for hat at hi expense, and pa
for it.
Don't court for mummy nor buty, nor rela-
shuns; these things are jist about as the kero-
scnc lie reEnin Dizziness, liable to git out ov
repair and bust at any minute. Court gal
fer fun, for the luv yu bear her, for the var
tue and business there is in her court her
for a wife and for mother court her as you
would court farm, for the strength of the sile
and the perfeckshun ov she title; court her
as though she want fule and yu nuther;
court her in the kitchen, in the parlor, over
the wash tub, and at the piancr; court this
wa, young man, and if you don't git real
good wife, the fault won't be in the courting
Young man, you can rely upon Josh Bill
lings, if yu kant make these rules wurk, jist
send for him, and he will shew yu how the
thing IL did-it shant cost yu sent.