The mountain Democrat., 1865-04-29

BRtsk ROnsreE Strikes PStor Olsum.
o Petroleum. you are the Pete for mel
Else why-Mr. Moses smote the rock,
and water gushed forth, FIRST; I smote its
rock, and exceeding much oil treacled
forth. And am rich oilso. To end
suSh much of grease, doth well grease
with me. skirmished from garnet upon
oil region. Ever since became born, my
poverty has been hard to borne have
sufered-I have been bored by creditorsl
Ny credit was run into the ground. Peo-
pie thought me rich, meanwhile, and
very meanwhile it was, too! They
thought had plenty of money; SO they
wanted pay down for what | bought
Not wishing to haM0r people, albeit some.
thing Of . humOrist perhaps, l would not
purchase many things. Ileased, l bored,
brought it Veni, vidi, vici Oili.ile-
i.greased. Oils we'll that ends we'll; es-
pecially if it is an oiI.welll I bored and
it came. l drilled hole through . rock,
and oilready have been rewarded with so
much Of the fuel that fear the last boil
viii end in as great fizzle as did the
Dutch Cap Canal.
And now l am rich-more rich than
any man or any other man. ! have lots
Of money now, when have no. use for it.
What queer world Nothing like oil
Folks say, "Hello! heres Honorable Mr..
Brick Just struck fortune. Deuced 6ne
fellow, Mr.. Brickl"e Three months since,
was plain "Brick." It's oil owing to
Petroleum.
And now for splurge. Brown stone
house on Fifth avenue, with brown stone
front designed by old Brown himself, on
both ends Of it. Red horses with green
tails, pink eyebrows, blue ears, chocolate
colored eyes, frizzled name and matchless
style. Yellow wagon with black sides,
purple blinds, and brown top, q la clam
shell. Ethiopian driver with white kids,
solferino stockings, magenta hatband, and
false teeth on gutta percha base. And
sixty.four oxstave ethiopiano with broca-
telle drawers, that modesty may not be
shocked by looking at the legs thereof!
And library devoted to red-backs, yell
low.backs, brown-backs, maroon-backs,
and even "greenbacks!" Darn the OK.
pense, quothes L? And I'll have park
in the woodshed, a1dn bathing tub Of oil
in Church, and a wild buffalo to cut
steaks from and oysters as large as Lin
coins majority, and boots with round
toes and square heels, and seat in some
fashionable church, and new hoop-skirts
for all my hired girls, and I will employ
SO many negroes to wait on me, that oil
lie have to do, will be to be happy. Oh
Pete! Let me kiss your Ma! And III
lay bed mornings, and I'll sit up all
night, and bore my friends Oil day, till
they can't barrel it Talk about honest
industry, saving wood for the dust, open
ing oysters for the shells, backing boots
merely to see your face in them, and be-
ing honest for forty years waiting for
some rich man to adopt you! Played
out Petroleum is the boy. And now
I'll live high. Out of my house vain
pomp! Away from me, cold cuts, crack
ers, cheese, then mush boiled, No 5 mack
erel, warmed up soup, and brilliant ap-
petites. struck Pete
Now, when go on the street, folks run
to the window and smile. And they
smile on me in Abe street. And they ask
me to smile at Ginuel Cock Tails house.
And they an have kind words. o, Pete!
yor are the Roleum for me! Things in
thy kingdom isn't as they used to once
wasl Farewell ragged habiliments. -
Goodbye, hungry stomachc! Oil River,
cold shoulders Its oil right now. Ten
years ago Buggins wouldn't speak to me,
because was not well, financially speak.
ing. Buggins is now as cordial as horse
radish or hot whiskey. And when |
would wedlock those rich girl who so
sweetly was unto me, her cruel parents
said. 80, poor, but honest youth, entce
thyself hence! And enticed--nobody
Now, those girl, and those cruel parents,
wish me to call. How are you, better
circumstances? 1t is good to remember
oil these things And the time dwells in
those fond recolections Of mine as how
was not wanted at fashionable parties. -
Now the doors fly wide, and ebony angels
Of shoddy swing the panels fur me to en-.
ter and revel. o, Pete you're oil right
my boy.
Money! more than would wad colum-
bad Everybody is willing to trust me
now. Ihave no need for credit. Rich
folks are duced glad to see me. They
once. Great is Peter Oleum, and boring
Is its profit! Just to think of it. How
used to once dig potatoes on shares
turn grindstones for fun-milk cows for
the buttermilk-c strings for sus-
penders--boss' old boots or freeze toes
hired mans hat or get tanned-second
table or not at all-"drty fingered type.
sticker" or poor mechanic-go afoot or
stay behind. Oil is dream now. Stare,
HILARIOUS days, for poverty are over, and
shoddy is indeed envious.
Guess can kiss Matilda Jerusha now,
and her old dad won't object, for I've
struck lie. Recon tailor will have time
to make those raiments for this week
Think landlord won't insist upon moving
cut of his abode. Things is working now.
Another vein is opened And you don't
know how nice it is. III go on "bum,"
folks look over now. When l was poor,
they looked into it. can kick boot
black, snub poor people, break car-win-
dows, throw goblets at walters, visit
questionable places, hurrah for any man
i wish 10, wink at&hose wife l wish to,
tie my team to shade trees, stand on
church cushions with dirty feet, jam peo-
Piles hats down over their eyes, tell a man
be is liar, spit on the carpet, get drunk
sober, swear or not as, please, and its
oil right, for I've struck Pete! can sit
up oil night, and raise much harmony.
No one objects. Mrs. Siggins says | is
the incest man she ever sawed. Mrs.
Piggery says I is the most delightingest
gentlemen she ever knowed. The Stig-
gins and Piggerly girls say am mostly
exquisitouS Its oil on account of Peter
l. h. L. L.