The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-03-07
Josh Billings Answers His COrre'
SpOndents.

O!iuia-I never visited the Mormons,
but my friend Artimus Ward has, and
he tells me they are healthy people,
and fond ov femail society. He says
that they hav more religion, akording
to their populashun, than tha kno what
to do with. They marry young and Of
ten. The produkshun of the country
is Mormons. They beleaf in hereaf-
ter, but it is generally hereafter OF
wimmen. They are tond Of amuse-
ments, sich as pitching cents and sii-
ding down hill. c,L
Scipio-If / had the dyspepsy l.
would buy me hard trotting hoss, (otf
from the kanawD and ride him bare
back 40 miles day for spase ov time.
If that didn't seem tew inf1uense me,
would issue proposals tew the lowest
bidder to be fed for one year on bran
bred and slippery elm tea. If that
didn't seem tew influense me, would
sell my house and lot, and invest the
proceeds in patient medesin, and take
the whole lot in potassium. If that
didn't seem tew infuense me, | would
oum to the konklusion that had the
water brash, or some other d--sh
thing, didn't care which, and take a
Job ov thrashing out wet rye for, evry
tenth bushel and git-well. 'i''F
Clarence-Ne never undertake tew
return rejekted manuscrip. The fact ~,
we don't read more than half we reject
1t IL way we hav got.
Censor-Evrything has side tew it,
tru side and redikilous side. The
tru side will tuke care ov itself. There
IL nothing very redikilous in truth. You
are much mistaken if you think we are
censorious bekauze we are obliged tew
be. We are under heavy bonds tew
look into things, and deskribe their ap7
pearense. lo,
Mctty-It is very natral that you
! should ask me in what manner you
should reseave the proposal from your
lover. 1t is sumthing ov trick tew
dew it nice. You don't ought tew jump
into the collar suddin, nor fly back sud
din. like a bocky hoss, but you ought
tew take it kind, looking down hill, with
an expreshun about half tickled and
half scarf. After the pop IL over, II
yure luvver wants tew kiss you, don't
think l would say yes or no, but let the
thing kind ov take its own course
There iz one thing hav alwus stuck
tev, and that IL, give me long court
ships and short engagements.
9 Stujent-We never furnish ortografis
: in less quantity than b the package
, 1t liz bizness that CRATE men have got
:, into, but it don't strike us rs being prof
!, liable nor amusing. We furnished
: near and very dear friend our ortogratf
r a few years ago, for 90 days, and 1t got
o into the hands by one ov the banks, and
}, kost us 1922 tew get it back. We went
o ont of the bizzness then, and have not
n hankered for it since Troy News, Sys'sn
: TALK ABotT HARD TAcK.-"llardr
:. tack" or army biscuit, has risen, IN or;
I dinary America an parlance, to the dig.
n nity of an institution-that is to say
. il IS talked about, aud has been joked
:. over, to degree which would illlmany
IS a volume like this, were all the hard
% tackiana collected. ~
" The tack in question is always pack
IF ed in square wooden boxes -geneTaii,
d bearing date, as well as 6randh =
II the maker or baker; anent which thH'
ID following is told: ,fSs, 40 4,
!. One day a lot of boxes of peculiarl!
a hard crackers arrived in the camp @
~ the Fifth Excelsior. Several. ef IN
d BOYS were wondering at the meannIn!
.. of the brand upon the boxes, whicl
= was as folio@s,"B: Z. 603."
II Various interpretations were qiven,
Is but all were rejected, until one indiyid
war w nal declared it was all plain enough
NJ couldn't be misunderstood. e-.si =, =.
4: aWhy, how SOP" was the query n.a' !;
4, "Oh, he replied, that is the date whei
q, the crackers were made-six hundre
ct and three years before Christ'-.(ee
In f,ly y IaIirlI l1T1Hvn tffh