Charles City intelligencer. [volume] (Charles City, Floyd County, Iowa) 1864-1866, 1865-12-21
Wloral GaIe.
Anxious to Please Everybody.
~ CLARA AUGcsIA.

Jack Bates was born with an earn
est desire to please everybody. sgf.
His father had been greatly desirous
that the expected youngster should be
a boy, and Jack obliged him by prov
ing of the masculine gender, and from
that time forward he lived solely with
the aim of pleasing everybody. F.
Desires of his own he had none.
He was completely influenced by what
ever he happened to fall in with. You
could put your fist into his head where
the organ Of self-will is supposed to
be located. ........... .,..- ......
As baby, contrary to the habits of
all other babies, he always laughed
when his mother told him to, and he
would have cried with as great pleas
ure if she had asked him.
At school the drubbings he received
were countless. He was always will
ing to be thought guilty of any misdea
meanor, provided any of his school.
mates desired him for a scape-goat. If
any mischief was perpetrated, it be-
came quite the thing for the cunning
ones to say" Jack Bates did it -
and Jack never would contradict the
statement, for fear they would be dis
pleased. And when the schoolmaster
would say" Jack Bates, | should
like to thrash you, sir I" Jack would
take off his coat meekly, and remark,
I" If you please, sir" ... .. .....r.
All the disagreeable errands for
miles around were done by poor Jack.
He drove all the cows to pound-yoked
all the geese-killed all the cats, and
tore down 'all the hornets nests. If
there was anything to be done that
nobody could be found to do, Jack
Bates was sent for. "
AS might have been expected, this
disposition to accommodate got Jack
in innumerable scrapes. He was al
ways in hot water, for it is well known
that what plcases one person is not in
variably pleasing to another.
At twenty-one Jack fell in love. He
took the disease early, but it was only
in obedience to his mothers request.
Mary Pray was an excellent hand to
make butter and cheese-a smart, ca
pable girl, and Mrs. Bates suggested
to Jack that he'd better "spark her."
And Jack obediently proceeded to do
so.
They had been three weeks engaged
when Patty Smith came to Edgetield
on a visit Mr. Bates-Jack's father
saw Patty, liked her looks, and told
Jack he'd better shine up to her."
And the obliging Jack attended to
his fathers wishes.
The result was, Jack visited Patty
one evening, and Mary the next and
as the girls were diametrically oppo-
site in their tastes and dispositions,
Jack was "on the fence all the time,
ready to jump in either direction.
Mary liked whiskers, and Patty did
not. Jack must please them both 90
he shaved off his pet mustache, and
imperial, to satisfy Patty, and sup
piled their place with false ones glued
on, to satisfy Mary. One day his face
was bare as bean pole in January,
and the next he was bearded like the
Pard.
Patty liked the favor of cigar,
and Mary despised it. But Jack must
please them both. So he made himself
sick on alternate days learning to
smoke, and OH other days he deluged
himself in cologne to destroy the smell
And as a natural consequence he car
ried about him An odOr which was a
sort of cross between a third rate
dram shop, and a muskrat that had
been fed on onions.
But matters came at last TO crisis.
They generally do sooner or later.
The ANNUAL election approached, and
political affairs ran higher than ever
in Edgcfeld. OF coure, Jack had no
politics of his own, and he had never
voted before--in fact he had never
thought anything about it. He had
always supposed somebody would want
him to vote some way, and he should
be happy to oblige them.
Two nights before the election, he
went to see Patty. Patty was rad
ical democrat, and opened fire upon
him at once.
Jack, dear, of course you will 60
to the polls on tuesday,"
"Certainly,-that is, / suppose l
shall, if anybody wants me to-"
"And You will vote the right ticket,
straight through, Jack, dear 7"
TO be sure. dear Patty,-if they