The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1865-12-05
REPLY OF ARTEMUs WARD TO
BILL ARP
BosrrNa, November goth, 1865.


BosrINa, November goth, 1865.
Mtstur Bill Arp, Rebel d so forth:
do not know whether to commence my let
ter to you by addressin you as. "Sur," or not
leastwise as deer sur" because you call yourself
Bill, and in all my exhibitions of animals Pve
ben in the habit representing Bill or Billeys> a.
'the Guelmus Capricornus, annglice the Will
liam Goat, vulgarIy called by the village boy:
the Billy Goat" and eff you air an animal of that
description, in course it would no: be proper tc
dignity you with the same address as if you were
ordinary man. And eff you air rally of the
family OF Arps I rather calkiIlate they air not
very respectable, as we have never heern Of that
family b-in in Congress, or in the SENT, or in
the Cabinit, and all the respectable people Of
Georgia is certain to be a striven and endeav.
orin to git intur one or the other of them all
places. You mention several of your children as
have never ben to a sircus, or a monkey show,
and l rather guess that's the reason that at the
last show we had in Georgia, there was some five
or six of your boys peepin threw the cracks in
the canvass, and sum on EN- had sand thrown in
ther eyes by the clown for peepin at the show
without pawn >ther money. Now, as for the
Wards, they air known all the world over, and
every Big City in the blessed Union has all its
little divisions called after them. In New York
and Bosting there is the fust Ward, and the Sc
cond Ward, and so on to the one hundreth
Ward, and in Paris and London, and every
where, We are honored with the same remem-
brances. | guess that's sum honor And even
down South its more than probable, they've some
Wards in their small Villages; and we are so
popular that even the workin apartments in the
Penitentiaries air named in the same way. But
notwithstandin the difference in our positions,
your famerly and my famerly, and your coun-
try that tried to set up for ITSELF and didn't, and
my country with its galorious Union, and the
galorious flag, and the stars and stripes ashinin
and glitterin and a dazzlin all creation, and
notwithstandin you are licked, and we air ready
to lick England and France and Spain, with one
hand tied behind us and tother one in sling,
and in little less than no time, yet as you has
been writin to me upon all sorts of topics,
rather guess it would be respectful 'Nreply.
You say, Mistur Arp you air endeevorin to be
to bet on Dixie as long as you've got dollar.
l thought when ole Mr Memminger's printin
presses broke, the hull set on you didn't have
confederate damn, or as you classicalIy cali it
mary red" When you expect me to bet, you'll
have to stake the money down, and be bound to
have one of Mr. Benton's nint-drops, (but they
wur Yellow or if not one of them leastwise, a
green back, though. they is gettin leetle du-
bous. But eff veal deown East was to refuse
ouralls green backs, ourals President or >asistur
Seward might be ringing that air ks9e bell,
that tnkles to the tune, called in the Joegraffies,
The Dry Torgugas," and sum Of us might not
be able to get tn hum agin. Dew ouSsuppose
any of the Ward famerly air goin to run agin
that air musbsheen? And eff you will take my
advice, Mr. Arp, and shant charge you nawthin
for givin it, you had better not endeevour to run
two skedules at one and the same time, as you
talk of dewin. Eff you believe me, that's the way
sum of our foaks, who was trusted by your foaks
in your War Department. q wont say so-called
as youdont leike it, but in the place where your
alls orders wur issued smashed up youralls Bull
CINE. They made believe they was runnin one
skedue, while they wur runnin both onem at
the same time. And eff thought you could
keep secret, I would tell you that ouralls GIN
rails knowed adzactly, what youralls ginrals was
abeout to dew, a leetle sooner than they knowed
it themselves, exseptin what old Stonewall did,
and he wouldn't let his right hand know what
his left hand was dom, cause he alters put it be-
hind him, eastwise it should find eout.
1t alters did seem to me, pertckler strange,
that while yourall, as you beautifully express it.
alters did love to hate we all deown Easters land
hatin runs heavy in the family of the Arps," yet
you all take partickIer pains to pick out what
you call of the bluehose, nasal-twanged,
lank, lean aud hungry Connaitikutians to place
them jest whar they could copy all your general
orders, morning reports, maps and plans of forti-
hcatlons and battles, and the consequence was
that they alters appeared in the Herald, some
times before they were issued from Headquar
tiers; let alone what General Grant and General
Sherman know'd, and what Unkil Abe and Mr.
Seward a picked up out of them air little enwcl-
opes as carried by the understrappers of
the same complexion, yer ralrods. When
ever, hereafter, you one man endeevorin to
run two skedules, let ME advise you, Mr. Arp to
avoid him as you would one of them air rattle
snakes as shakes his tail in them air Blue ridges
of yourns.
Agin, Mr. Arp, you make no little fuss about
our bein engaged in a con6scation' of your little
property, after you have fit, and fout, and holer-
ed nntf. Meow, you see, it is the prettiest oppor-
tunity in the world for some of our foaks to make
raise. You never was more mistaken in all
your life. To take all yer property at once
wouldn't be by any means advisable. You peo-
pie deown South never did know how to make
money, sept outer cotton and tobacco. You
tried to make it Otter distractions and SIGH like;
but that air kind Of mushsheen hasn't eny regu-
lator, and don't pay. We people cup North air
more practkle. We dew the bizness up Breown,
after this manner: We issues order to confs-
kate, provided nderviduePs property worth
twenty thousand dollars. But. who is to Judge
of the values And there air plaguey sight of
our people who didn't have airy shoddy con-
tract, and who air as hungry as wolves. We
orders them to pitch in and dew the best they
can:-Jes so,-and in course they amuses they
selves thar, which fully accounts for the milk in
the cocoanuts. The indervidueI Amt worth one
hundred dollars, but what of that? He has a
hat, and pair of old grey breeches, and an old