The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1865-01-26

pr scntu,iou OF a pistol to bravo Com
nccticut Corporal, tho orator apostro
phiEcd as follows:
"Corpoyol, my heart is full. These
times Try the hearts of us all, ss well n'
our pockets. My words must be few
and to .hc purpose. Take this weapon
and 90 in. Give them Jessie and John
Charles also Say you will. Resolve
that il Ia n big thing, and that You can
see IT,. Shoot at il. Smite them hip aud
thigh and pay no regard to camphenr
brickbbts. But beware of old Bourbon
Do your duty, John. Keep out Of dralts
Don't 90 III halt cockcdj aud keep your
pistol pointed fro n you"
The Corporal, on receiving the wea.
pom was too much affected to make a
formal reply, but promised that the pistol
should speak for him.
0TNo man can be in two places AZ
the same time, but many a mdn has
shawn that he can be Two things in one
place.
0TArithmctic Of Communicative
thin shoes make one cold two culds, one
attack Of bronchitis; two Attacks Of bron-
chitis, one cofiin.
0tTWhy is u iobaconist very worth
less tradcsmap--Bccausc h1 pufls his
own commodities.
0SJ-A Washington bootmgkcr states
auth Jritalively that "Old Abc's last Is a
very big thing.
OSJ-1t costs a woman just ns much Ia
live as II does man. II men would be
willing TO practice the small economies
that woman practice they could live at nu
great expense.
0ArEvery woman is wife in the grub;
every man is a husband in the chrysaiS
state. II young people enjoy each othcrc
conversation aud make opportunities to
secure il, there arc dozens os gossips,
male aud female, who proceed to fore
cast match. .-.t.
0sTBy as much as marriage is sacred
by so much is he a blasphemer who irav.
crsities II, aud he thrice and four times
blasphemous who leads others To do 80.
II n womon wishes to do thing she can
do IL, ard that is the end of il, there is
little moro TO be desired in that line.
OtrA companionublc woman il al.
ways pretty. Beauty catches fools even
II il has no sense with II but good sense
without beauty and with sweet spirit,
always wins respect, admiration and
love. "Sh0 looks well until she speaks"
il often whispered among men in the
very atmosphere of beauty.
0tYDyspeptic man 10 the most subjec'
tive person IN the world. lie thinks
more about himself in week than a
well person does IN aycar.
A reliable swell declares that he lately
danced one evening with three young
ladies', the united circumference of whose
dresses amounted d to a hundred yards
A young lady has discovered the rca.
son why married men, from the age of
thirty years aud upwards, are moro or
less bald. They scratch the hair of in
dismay At Their wives long mi,iner's
billsl Yes, IL is certain. You haso all
observ ID that when geutlcman IL eS,
amining a"httlo account" he always
scratches his head, and the longer the
bill the harder he scratches.
Matthew'S attendant In his last illness,
intending 10 give the palieut some madi.
cine, but, few moments after, il was
discovered that the medicine vas nothing
but ink, which had been taken from the
vial my m stake, aud his friend exciaim.
ed,-
GOOD heavens, Matthews, l have
given you ink"
"Never mind, my boy, never mind"
sald Matthews. faintly,"pll swallow q
bit of blotting paper
"What lovely womanl" was the ex.
elsimution Of Lord Chancellor Eldon,
upon passing a beauty, when pacing 10
aud down Westminster Hall, with his
friend the Master of the Rolls, previous
IN the opening Of their respective courts.
"Whal an excellent judged" said the
lady, when her sensitive ear caught the
hatIering decree OF the Lord High Chan.
cellor VI England.
The first regiment Of Hancock's new
corps is to be armed with Sharpo's
breach loading rifles and new sty 10 Of
equipment. Each weapon is 10 bear the
name otthe man who carries il, and is to
be his property Oner the expiration ofhis
term Of service.
Always lend crutch to haltinc HUI
miliiy, but trip up, ifyou will, tho stiits
Of Pretension,
Dependency is the overweight tha,
may make you kick the beam aud the
bucket both al once