The weekly union record., 1865-01-28
English Steamer Scene.

The following amusing scene is pictured BY
al English s1ihor as occurring on board an
English steamer among rich people going to
4 France:
/ Bless nv heart, Mrs Suet herel All,
Mrs. Hoggins, how dye do? Dear me, Mrs.
/ Sweetbread. and Mrs. Cleaver. too Why,
we shall have the whole of Whitechapel on
board presently. | believe" said the yoluble
dame, looking round with gracious and COM
prehensive smile, Il believe We are all butchers
1 ladies'"
Il believe we are no such thing, madam
cried q corpulent female with an oleaginous
face. while trying to turn up her pug. nose.
( which, however, was kept tolerably steady by
triple chin, she wsdiled awsy to another
/ part of the vessel.
well, I'm sure. Marry come up! Hoiiy,
I toity.' burst from the cotere with which she
bad diselaimed carnifcial afhnity; here's airs
/ for youi'' A nd her veil is only bobbinet
lace" And them fine ear rings is only gilt,
warrant ye" said another
We'll, do declare. there's neighbor Croak,
the undertaken, with his long, woe begoDe phiz;
it gives one quite the blue devils to look at him.
| say, Croak, who is that stuck up fat thing
I that just left Us ?"
Don't you know her ~ inquired Croak in
whisper. "Why, that's Mrs Dip. the great
tallow chambers lady, of Norton Falga;e"
"Well, suppose she is, she needn't turn up
/ her nose at US; il We were to call upon her on
melting day, We might have something TO turn
up our noses at, | fancy hs, ha, ha Lauk
how serious you look !; she isn't a friend Of
yours, is she ~
Il never laughs al anybody" replied the
prudent MIR. Croak. ''for in our line every body's
liable TO become customer. Your poor
brother Joe, pa'am made very pretty corpse.
dare say, when he was setting eff on that
water party. as We may be now. he little
thought be was to be drowned, and who knows
what may happen to US this very day?'
La! Mr.. Croak, you're quite shocking
worse than screech owl | wonder you could
join party OF pleasure
Pleasure. indeed y cried Croak, with
sardonic grin, followed by groau; 'brotter
Tom lies dead al Calais, and one wouldn't give
the job TO strangers, you know, being in ones
own liDe."
"Is poor Tom gone at last? You used to
call him Silly Tom, didn't you ?''
"Nc.'' said Croak, surly Il always called
him Tom Fool"
We'll, but he has left you and George
something, hasn't hep
lower jaw still more lugubrous expression;
"he has bequeathed to one of US the payment
of his debts, and TO the other the care of his
children
"Well, WELL Mr.. Croak, it ought, at all
events. to make you happy. that you've now
got fair excuse for being miserable"
IN take your bundle, young gentleman"
said the ships steward. addressing a youth by
my SIDE who l found was Mrs. Cleaver's SOD,
and whose sallow complexion, spindle legs, ank
hair, squirting eyes, and look of impudent
cunning, proclaimed him, at the same time a
genuine sharp of the city.
No, but you won't, though" said the young
Cockney, holding his bundle behind him II
understands trap I'm up to snuff and pinch
| above it. I'm not 10 be diddled 10 that there
way. l suppose you thought mother and l
was going TO pay crown apiece for our dinner;
but we don't stand no nonsense. for I've got q
cold beefsteak and inguns 10 this here 'andker
chief, and that, with glass of brandy and
water cold, aroBt sugar, is vat call prime
spread
Bravo, Dick " said the delighted mother,
winking al her son; "if they can take you in,
l give them leave. As hope to be saved,
here's Mr. Smart, the tanner. Well, now, we
shall have some fun
Ladies'" cried the facetious Mr.. Smart
sliding forward his foot, aud making bow of
mock ceremony, "your most hydrostatic and
humble cum-tumble"
There you 60, Mr.. Smart as droll as ever,
always beginning the conversation with re.
partee. Did you hear that. Mrs. s.? That
was good one, wasn't it, Mrs. II ?"
That there tower, mother" said Dick, with
sagacious nod, ''was built by William the
Conqueror; l wonder Why they stuck hoyster
shells all over it."
Il suppose said Mr.. Smart "to show that
he astonished the natives in more ways than
one-ha ha. ha ~
Dick laughed, though be didu't know why
and, pulling up his neckcloth, proceeded to
give his mother lesson in English history:
at vas his dad, you know, that vas called
William Rufus, on account of his black airs,
and vas shot by veil directed harrow, vich
vent right through is art"
And fell at Harrow on the Hill," cried Mr.
Smart, whence it took its name-ha. ba! ha.'
Excuse me, Mrs Cleaver, but your son has
picked up little of the CockDey pronunci-
ation."
Not more, sir, than O young man should
have, who means to live all its life in the city.
He went to a very good school,"
And master wasn't q coxcomb" added
Dick, "about his Wees and Haitches'
49, I'LL e