The Cadiz sentinel. [volume] (Cadiz, Ohio) 1864-1911, 1865-08-16
Humorous SCRAPS.

should be getting scedy at the elbows
Eoote Was drice liiet by friend in Town
with young man who was flashing away
very brilliantly, while Foote seemed grave:
Why Foote, said his friend, you are
flat to-day; you den seem to relish joke!'
you have not tried me yet sir, said Foote.
Jerrold was seriously Disappointed with
a certain book written by one of his friends.
This friend heard that Jerrald had express
his disappointment.
Friend Ito Jerrold)-I hear you said -
was the worst book | ever wrote.
Jerrold;-No. | didn't: ! said it was the
worst book anybody ever wrote.
Besser, the poet, must have been an in
veterate woman hater. Hear him.
ale laid him down and slept-and from
his side, .,.f-.ga
4 woman in her magic beauty rose; '.''
Dazzled and cllsrIned, he called that wOinan
bride, n -..,4-
And his first sleep becante his Last repose;'
The hat that was passed around certain
congregation for the purpose of taking up
a collection. After it had made the circuit
Of the church it was handed to the minister
who, by the way, had exchanged ptilpits
with the regular preacher, and he found not
a penny in it, He inverted the hat over
the pulpit cushion and shook it, that its
emptiness might be known, then raising bis
eyes toward the ceiling he exclaimed with
great iervor:--"I thank God that got
back MY hat from this congregation! y
An Irish coachmah, driving past some bar
vest fields during the SUMMER, addressing Il
smart girl engaged in sheaVing, exclaimed
'Arrah ME darling, | wish | was in jail for
stealing gel 9.s'i
The late Judde Peters has left Behind
him some good puns, among which is, the
following: When on the District Court
Bench, he observed to Judge Washington
that one of the witnesses had vegetable
head. How so2 was the inquiry. HE
has carroty hair reddish cheeks, a turn-up-
nose, aud d sage look. ~ rail
What is the diferetice betwceH a1 at
tempted homicide and a hog butchery?---
One is an assault with ilfteItt to KILL and the
other is a kill with intent to salt. .a-..
+ What are wages here?" asked laborsr
of boy. II don't know, sir. ~ ::Whas
does your father get ON Saturday night?"'
Get! > said the boy, why he gets as tight
as a brick ,r. at f.
MARY, said ono pretty girl I'd another;
''can yau make up your mind to marry that
odious Mr.. Snuff why, my dear julia
was the reply, II don't know but what I
might take him at pinch. aa,o IA Eaa
Opportunities, like eggs, must be hatched
When they are fresh. @ 'sa'sti@
A drunken fellow, sitting OF: tie steps Of
a church in Boston, the cold wind blowing
chillingly round the corner; s'If heaven
(hic) tempers the wind to the thiel short
lamb, | wish the lamb (hic) was on this
corner. - s
The PHILosoPIH OF HEAT. Philosd:
pher to sharp boy-"What are the, proper
ties Of heat?'
Boy-''The chief property is that II ex.
pands bodies while cold contracts them"
Phlosopher-"Very good, give me an exs
ample" ~ . sr..
Boy" In suff1mer, when it Is hot, the
day is long; IN winters when it is E5ld; the
day is short"
Exit philosopher, lost in amazcmens that
so familiar an instance should have sd long
escaped bis own observation,
BEGINNING To WALK: -.rs-.I
He's ftot got his sea legs; the darling,
He's.been i'll our ship but ayear;
He ism yet versed in our lingo ss
He kliows nothing of sailing fear, ~
But he aoofl will herr more of tho hiliows,
And learh the salt taste of THE NaFe;
One voyage, though it's short, is suffi cient;
When our portsare the cradle and grave
When DANES T. Brady first opened d law
yer's office in New York, he took a base
ment room which had previously been be-
cupied by cdbbIbf: He was somewhat
annoyed by the previous occupants callers,
and irritated by the fact that he had few of
his own, One day an Irishmdti thtered.-,
The cobbler gone, see.'' lie said. II
should think he had, tartly RESPONDED Bra
| dy. And what do ye sell?'' he asked,
looking at the solitary table and few law
books; "Blockheads,' responded Brady
BE gorra, said the Irishman, 'ye must
be doing mighty fine business--ye hain't
got but one left, ..t ..... .......
A colored preacher within our lines receht.
| ly felt constrained to preach against tie
extortions of the sdtlsfs, from which his
flock had suffered. After much delibera.
ton, he announced his text as follows:-
Now de serpent was more sHtIer than any
beast of dc field which de Lord God hath
made" HH 7iFH
! Did the man Who ploughed the sea, and
afterwards planted his foot Upon his native
soil, ever harvest the crops? gasa
A wag, speaking of blind wood sawyer,
says that while none ever saw him see,
thousands have seen him saw.
Spooner was arrested for Drunkenness
and waxed indignant thercat. Spooner is
loyal. 'Now, / axes" says he, If it is
the gov 'ment. Every drop of Ticker /
swallow is taxedl. taxed to support the war.
S'posc all US iel's was to stop drinkin'?-
I why, the war d stop, aud the guv nicnt'd
stop. That 81 the very reason ! drinks. II
don tlike grog; mortally hates it. IF /
followed my own inclination, I'd .ather drink
buttcrmilk, or ginger pop or soda. But l
lickers for the good of my country, and to
set an example of loyalty and virtuous res-
ignatiQn to the rising generation. = b si
A country editor living on the line Of d
railroad, applied for pass for himself, and
added, please, embrace my wife. " Tho
superintendent returned pass to the edi-
tor, but declined the proposed honor. Y.
/! Lady F. had arrived at so extreme q
degree of sensibiity that, seeing man 20
by with u mutilated wheelbarrow she cried
out to her companion, ''Do turn aside, il
dstresses me to see that poor unfortunate
wheclbarrow with one leg I"
Dobbs says he has one Of the most obeai.
| ent boys in the world. He tells him to do
as he plea O., and he does it without mur.
nuring 6i a6ta uo pn d,
| An old gentleman Of great es peficncu
says he is never satisfied that lady under
| stands kiss unless he has 1t from her own
mouth
1t WIS a pretty conceit Of d fsther named
rose, who named his daughter "Wild.n Sd
TINT she grew up as "Wild Rose. !" Butths
romsnce wasssadly spoiled whysls lie married
a man by tho maine Of Bun y