Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1865-08-12
FACTS AND EANCIRS.

"Never saw such stirring time" ~ the
spoon said to the saucepan.
1t is the opinion of the doctor that the
lawyer gets bis living by plumber, while
the lawyer thinks the doctor gets his by
"pillage."
"Jake," said an old farmer one day 70
his mower, "do you know how many
horns there are in dilemma?" "Wel),
no, don't 'zacly,' replied Jake. but
know 'zacly how many there are in .
quart of good old Monongahela."
A Danish writer spoke of hut 90 mis-.
cradle that it did not know which way to
fall, and so kept standing. This 10 like
man that had such comwlication of dis
eases that he did not know what to die
of, so lived on.
A celebrated judge had very st;ngy
wife. On one occasion she received bis
friends in the drawing room With single
candle. "Be pleased, my DEAR said bic
lordship, "to let US have a second candle,
that we may see where the other stands
A distinguished California divine was
asked after trip to silver land, "What
he thought of the country?" He replied:
There are but three things at Washoe,
sir-big mines, little mines and whisky
shops; in other words. Ophir holes, 60
pher holes, and loafer holes"
A man recently broke off a marriage
engagement because the lady did not pos
sess good conversational powers. A wick.
ed editor, commenting upon the fact, says:
He should have married her, aud then
refused her new bonnet, to have devel-
oped her powers Of talk
WAY MARKS
Oft by a flower, leave In loved some book
We mark the lines which charm u mott
Retrace
| Thy life, recall Its lovelies passage lsok,
! Dead widest mark the place.
Il say, Pat said Yankee, "why
don't you sue that Railroad Cooperation
for damages you have received? Both Of
your legs broken all TO smash; sue them
for damages" "Sue them for damages,
en- boy? have damage enough already;
I'll sue them for repairs"
At an evening party, very elderly lady
was dancing with young partner. A
stranger approached Jerrold, who vss
looking on and said: pray, sir, can You
tell me who is the young gentlemuu dac.
ing with that very elderly lady?' "One
of the humane society, should think"
replied Jerrold.
As the world was made so it must be
subdued, not by matter clawing at matter.
Until intellect percolates the soil, the soil
| will not yield its hidden boards. We shalt
have effort, struggle, wear and WEAKNESS,
but no victory. 1t is the strife Of clod
with clod.-Gan Hamilton.
A Portuguese shoemaker, used to give
his wife severe logging every month,
| just before he went to confession. On be.
ing asked the reason Of this proceeding,
he replied, that having poor memory, he
took this method Of refreshing it. Is bis
wife while undergoing the castigation WAS
sure to remind him of all his sins.
Said a very high functionary to his
scapegrace son: "Look at mel Here an
l, at the top Of the tree; aud what is my
reward Why, when die, my son Is tho
greatest rascal in England!" To this
made answer young Aopewell: Yes, dad,
when you die, but not till then, you see!"
Pope once engaged in on argument on
an obscure line in Horace. A young Of.
fcer observed that note Of interroga.
ton put at the end would make it clear.
Pope, little, deformed, and vexed, said:
"Do you. sir, know what an interrogatory,
note ISL" EYES," was the answer; "N
is little crooked thing that asks quss.
ton |"
Tussel, q celebrated painter, vas very
sarcastic in criticising the productions Of
other artist Northcote asked him to look
at his painting of the angel meeting b.
lam and his ass.
"Hov do you like it 7" said Northcols.
"Vastly,' replied Feucli. "You 40
an angel at an ass, but an ass at An angel"
The following is the verdict Of negro
jury: "We, de undersigned, bein' Kor.
oner's jury to sit on do body of de- nigksr
Sambo, now done dead and gone afors 10,
hab been sittin' on de said niger sfoss-
said, aud end ia. IL anna did, on Dc
uight OBJ de fourteenth of November, come
to def by fallin' from de bridge obsr Do
riber in de said ribsr. and brokin' bic
neck, where We end he was subsequently
drown, and afterwards washed to do ribes
side, whar We suppose he wna froxa IN dsf y