Daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1865, 1865-03-24
Con,en, Amidrt pImeuItx.

Content Amidst DIM suIGy.
The pretended resignation of the South
under their recent reverses is thus capital
Iy taken of by OfPbeus G. Kerr in the
New York Leader. The conservative Ken
lucky chap brings upon the scene Captain
Munchausen, who is met by Captain Bob
Shorty:
Right behind him the conservative Ken
lucky chap) came q remarkable being, at
tired 10 fragments of grey cloth ADD pro.
digious thiCkst of Whiskers, through the
latter Of which his eyes glared yelIowly,
like the bottles in an apothecary's chop,
down the street. AS he approached near.
er, he hastily put on pair Of partially dis
sected white cotton gloves, and casually re-
arranged the strip of carpet binding which
served him as full dress oravat
"Yours, truly" said Capt. Bob Shorty.
"VaudaIi" hIssed Captain Muuchausen,
removing from his brow an uuexampled
couglomeration OF rags 10 the last stages
of cap, and handing it to faithful contra
band who attended him.
"Hhy, then" said Captain Bob Shorty,
dotfipg his own cap, and tucking up his
sleeves, "in the name of the United States
of America, propose to move upon your
works Immediately"
And now, my boy. do particularly la
ment my lack of those uuspeakable INTEL
Iectual gifts, which enbale the more re
Aued reporlers OF all our excellent and mo-
raj daily journals to describe the fistic
achievements ofthe noted Arkansas Mule
and celebrated Jersey Bantum in manner
that delights every we'll conducted break.
fast table in the land, and furnishes tx.
QuisIte reading for private families.
FOFWAFd hDnne6 Re- a.
though on Syringe; his elbows nearly
squared, his 6sts held up like couple O.
apples on sticks, and his head poised a!
though it had just started to lcok round 6
corner. With fists to match, aud eyes chi
ming like the bottoms of glass bottles, the
wary Munchausen scuf1es cautiously bach
from him 10 half circle. Now they max,
skip5 towards each other; and now they
skip back. Anon an arm is raised, aud i
parted and then they balance to part
ners, and then they hop back.
was gazing at all this, my boy, ii
BPeecbless admiration, when suddenly
saw the dexter hand of Captain Bob Short,
pierce the enemy's lines, and explode witt
tremendous force on Muuchausen's nose
For moment there was a sound as O
the chivalric Munchausen was himsel
Sgaina
"AbI' said Captain Bob Shorty, agree
ably, "did you see the Star. Spang led Ban
ner that timer"
'sir," said Munchauseu, with tears il
his eyes, 81 am thankful that my nose i
broken. 1t is blessing; for had nothing
to smell with it, and only wasted my
strength in its special Defence"
Here Captain Bob Shorty looked joyously
at me. my boy. and says he: by all that
Federal, Amt he jolly :" ~
"Come on TO thy ruin" roarcd Nun.
chausen from his rapidly increasing nose
and again the battle ragged.
Now did Captain Bob Shorty side to tn
left, with a view to flankiug; but two col
umuR of the enemy met him there. Mex
the agile Muuchauseu attempts, by a uuicl
turn, TO take him in the rear of his Dosi
ton, but finds a strong body of Eve divis
ions buried upon his headquarters witt
,, an impetuOsity that knocks out half hl
teeth.
"Att satisfied, HOrAtiO2" said Captni,
Bob Shorty. with more or less Bower,
theatre in his manner.
Auawtul smile appeared upon what wer
left of the features of ptain Muuchausen
1t was so full of scorn, you know,
"Sir," said he. with much Chivalry Q
bearing and some difficulty OF utterapce
"my jaw may be broken, bat thank far
for it. lTs a long time since had any
thing to eat with my mouth, and to defen,
itat ell Was useless."
Hal hR hA! /" roared Captain Boil
Shorty. II really never did see anything
so jolly
iMadmau /" yelled Muuchauseu, "your
destruction Is decidedi
Then werC all the skips and hops repeat.
ed, my boy with such ornamental bits o
occasional 6ue art as the refined reporter,
of our excellent moral daily journals love
to dwell toBdly upon. Were l but such a
reporter, would describe the scene in a
way to take 1t home 10 your children. But
let me not waste time in lsmentatiou IN,
just then, G something heavy fell upon the
right eye Of Captain Muuchauseu, and eff.
fectHAllv closed it for week.
ABR said Captain Bob Shorty, Meas,
antly, "did you count the stars upop opr
dag that time, my ,Grayback7'
'Sir," retorted Auuchaasen, stspUerinO
about, aud wildly pulliUg handouts of i'm.
PereePuble hair out Of Invisible heads in
the air-"l consider the loss of that eve a
blessing IN disguise, for can now concen.
tFats my whole s.reUgth on the other"
""eli, now, really" said Captain Bob
soor'!, really, you know, l never see
ANYTHING half so jolly"
Dissemination is now your DOOM
hoWled the CoOfedeEecy, reeliug deliber.
asely forward upon the 6rst fist be met, aud
falling heavily to the ground With hi
other eye epphatically dsrkentd
INSTANTLY was Captain Bob Shorty at hi
side, exclsimiug: "l'm sorry for this ole
chap. Uieh you'd only consented 10 stor
before, ebPn calculated Captain Bob Shor,S
-"whAts that you say1"
As true as I i've and breathe, my boy