Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1865-09-21
THE EVENING NEWS.
From the Troy NewSl
Joah Billin4s ON Fish Hauks and
Sec SarpcntA.
LONG BRANCH, August II, 1865.
THE FISH HAUH.

1oun ntAahAN IN HIAu A1huAh anu
Sec Sarpents.
LoNG BRANCH, August II, 1865.
THE FISH HAUX.
One ov the moste popularity ov Long
Branch, IL the irrepressibel fish hauk.
They are a fethered bird, and FL in the air
without emmy artyfshall aid, except the
wings. They sale over the breakers at an
elevashun, with both ize open, and when
the sportif moss bunker doth appear near
the surfase ov hiz natiff likker, then doth
the hauk dlop lastly towards the bunker,
seazin him with hiz talents, soarz aloft
agin with hiz skaly pra, and pintes direkly
for hiz hum, about one mile and a half
back into the kuntry, WHARF hiz hauklings
doth watch for hiz announcement with
gapes and hankering stummuks. II IL 5
dollars fine and 10 questions asked tew
touch, or kill, or sware at theze hauk. be
kauze theze hsuk dispense awl other hauk
away, and thus chicken ar preserved in
violate. Every farm doth hav its fish
hauk, and evry hauk doth kill the tree
that he bids upon, not bi girdling it with
hiz ak, but bi hiz execration. Sumtimes
the hauk. in diving for hiz fish, doth
strike tew mulch fish, the consequents IL
that hiz talents being firmly ankered in
the fishes back, the hauk il drawed under
and finds a watery grave, and IL ct up bi
the veracious skool ov fish. TheZe hauk
doth awl appear at Long Branch on the
same day. April 2ls,, each Ammo Domini,
and doth disappear on the 2lst ov Sep
TENDER, and wi,her they so, no man haz
yet bin able to tell, without Icing. Here
ends the fust lesson.
THE SEE sARPENr.
In mi Taste letter, i neglected to men,
shun the see sarpent, which haz got into
the habit ov comeing here each year, at a
stated time. tew battle in the saline matter.
Dehkasy forbids that i should dwell very
infinitely upon this subjeck, for the SUI
blime truth IL, that the snake liz a big lie,
about $50 feet long, with a terminus at
one end. Historians hav sung about this
kritter so mulch, that certain one idee
folks would feel neglekted if the animal
want spoken about. Suffice it to say, he
haz bin here. bearing Moth bi Moth, with
a Sow bi Moth inclinashun, making Is
nots. loaded a lcetle tew mulch bi he'd,
Tor ballast had shifted.) but mindeing the
rudder butifully. Az we stood gazing at
the meandering cuss, a very we'll larnt
mar ced he hadn't an inch ov spare doubt
that this waz the old fust sarpent that
efekted kompromise with Mrs. Adam a
fu years ago i waz so mulch pleased with
the idee tina, i offered him 10 dollars for
the koppy right ov il, but he ced, with
naughty disdane,( that he waz engaged to
write one year for the New York Ledger,
and couldn't spare it. He also stated
that he had made snakes a study for Il
years, and gave us a long orsshun about
the kopperhead snaik. and dun it in SIGH a
kind oy q way az led me tew beleaf that
he waz a dam blak republican, or a war
demokrat, or q Thurlow Weed man, or
would like to see jeff Davis tried for pet
tit ~larSeny, sumwhare THAT he could pick
in the staff Of Nu iersee. There waz one
Teller who wore glasses, and looked with
his mouth wide open. ced. That the hole
thing waz an opukal alluSion. kauzed bi
the rays ov the atmoSphear upon the phi
laktrick globules ov the saline fluids"
This chap had a hi forehed, and long
swimming hair. and looked tew me az tho
he had bin fitting himself tew travel with
a pano-rammer. One delikate girl mot
an hour over So years. skrcamed, and in
stinkrively felt for a snaik. One old man
asked what we waz a looking at ;" One
pensiv femail creeter ced how bewitch-
ing" Another ced, how egStaticks!"
and n koarse individual person bauled
out loud enuf for the snaik tew hear him,
" what a hill ov a snaik :" But the
snaik took no notis ov the remark, and
kept up a stupenjus wigsle until distanse
cum tew the rescue and dissolved him
into water. Thus ended the CRATE and
only see sarpent al Long Branch for this
seezoon, and the adience severallv dis
persed. sadder. but wiser. tew take their
whiskee and cheeze on the half shells.
Evry successful moral haz a
tale, so dug every successful snaik and
mi kon6denshal oplnyun now IL, that
snaik storys are just az necessary to help
digest the truth with, az emmy other lie IL.
P. S.-Snaiks are ced tew be "lving
curiositys," but they alwus look tew me
the mos,e curious when they hav bin well
dezeazed for a short time, i larnt this feel
ing towards snaik from mi mother, who
waz an excellent judge ov the k~ritters.
JOSH BILLINGS.