The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1865-06-16

ed as he saw the CONSERVATION of Mr.
Good, who suspected the joker to be tn,
culprit. The last words that saluted tn,
joker's ears, as he left the shop, were, "a
dam good licking"
Another time he read SIGN. having or
it "B. Ware" Rushing into the store
he anxiously asked the proprietor:
"Beware of what 2"
"Of a chastisement, exclaimed Mr.
Ware, siezing yard stick, and making
towards our hero who made hasty exit.
The man had had that joke played on him
before.
He saw sign once, which read an.
L. Head, attorney at law" and observed
to friend who was with him, that, ''the
gentleman was not the only lawyer in the
city who could boast of an empty head.' -
Abraham's uncle was named Horne.
He had son born and gave our hero the
privilege of naming him. Now Abe knew
that this same uncle had chosen the abom-
Unable name of Abraham Street for him.
so he vowed to pay him off, by selecting a
ridiculous name for his infant son. The
child was accordingly cri>tened Abraham
Green Horne, which was eventually abre-
waited into "a Greenhorne.'
81 rather think" remarked our hero
afterwards, 8 that A. Street Sleeper sounds
as nice A. Green Horn"
A family named Goodman christened a
son after the surname of wealthy bach
elor uncle, who was called Solomon Avery
in hopes of having him become the legatee
of that relative.
Mr.. Avery heard of it, and wrote the
following letter to the father:
"Iou have called son of yours after
my surname, which gives him right to
style himself Avery Goodman. But fear
ing he might grow up TO be bad man,
despite his name, decline, most respect
fully. to make him my heir
SOLOMON AVERY"
When your joker heard of this he re-
marked:
81 call that man a very Soloman TO
make SO wise a decision.'
Once. seeing pasted on wall the name
of ''B. \. Goodtellow for Alderman
he remarked: That Just the fellow we
all ought to vote for; there are SO very
few good ones in office.
Entering cigar store once, Abe re-
marked to the tobaccoiSt that he ought To
be a minister.
"Why so ,"
because YOU are good enough" was
the reply. The man sign read "U. r.
Goodenough "
For this pun our hero was presented by
the proprietor with half dozen OF the
best cigars the house afforded, and Abe
went on his way rejoicing.
However, his Jokes did not always ter
inmate so happily. lie stepped into the
store of Mr. Dampman, and asked one
of the clerks to weigh him out Il pound OF
tea.
1--WE don't sell groceries" was the re-
mark
What. then }" asked Abe. with q
simple stare.
DRY goods" was the curt reply.
What" exclaimed Abe, affecting as
tonishment, "a Dampman protesting TO
sell dry goods"
Young man." said the proprietor,
seizins him by the arm and pushing him
towards the door. You had best leave,
right off, or may turn you into piece
OF damp goods by tossing you into the gut
teri"
Abe needed no second bidding, but
speedily heightened the distance between
the irate Dampman and himself.
Not long after he called upon an old
cobbler, and informed that person that he
was wanted at Il certain brokers' office
The old fellow hastcncd to the place nam
ed, but no one there seemed to be aware
that he was needed. Abraham, who was
outside, now came forward and addressed
the broker and his attendants thus:
''Gentlcmen, saw you very busy III
packing up gold and silver, and pennies,
and it occurred TO me that you might re-
quire aid so | made bold TO send this
man to you rs most suitable person, for
he a Pennypacker!"
Before the laugh had subsided Abe was
around the corner. lie had CROWN eau
tious since the threat OF Dampman the
dry goods man.
He once remarked to friend that their
mutual acquaintance, Mrs. Havisham,
never wore real diamond ring, although
her husband was a millionaire.
''Why not!' asked the other
Because she Is bound to IIayisham'
(have sham y
He entered a pawnbroker's shop one
evening. and offered a ten-dollar watch in
pawn, and asked twelve on it. The bro
ker examined it, and offered two and ;
half.
"Your sign made me drop in,' remark
ed Abe, "and expected to have a fin,
thing out Of you because you are E. L
Jacobs-nothing easy about you.''
AS your joker stepped out he heard tn
man muttering word that would rhyme
with "lamb;'' the broker, being evidently
angry, had grown profane.
Once he noticed a sign hanging at
door reading Miss {. Mann, Dressmaker
He took it down and altered it so As t,
read, '.Wanted, A. Man Dressmaker."
Abe had a lady friend who married
man named Nathan Ellwood Husband
He once remarked to her.
II should Judge, Mrs. Husband, tha