Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1865-11-16
Attention Bachelors,

We, the undersigned, desire to tender t.
you our heartfelt sympathy and coincidence
for the lonely and areary lives you are dcs.
tined to lead. How could we but sympathize
with men who are so na'row minded, and who
bow with such holy reverence to the ";tl-
mighty dollar" that sooner than spend few
of them, they would suffer themselves to be
deprived of the greatest blessing life affords,
that of happy home, and live isolated and
wrctched lives, freezing out all the finer feel
ings of your better natures Our sorrow for
your unhappy condition would almost induce
us to lay aside all superfuitics, and don
"calco" for the rest of ouI lives, but we re-
member that 'calico" is selling at s. cents
per yard, with but poor prospect of bccom-
ing cheaper, and we fear that your "pockct
books" would utter loud and lamcntable
groans, at the thought of buying ten or per-
haps twelve yards at such an enormous price,
and in holy horror we wonder whether you
would be able 20 provide us with enough to
eat. Thanking you for the compliment paid
the "fair sex, We would inform you that it
is not always correct to judge others by your
selves. From the sentiment you have express
sed, you seem to think that there is but one
'insurmountaole barrier" between you and
the "hymenial altar" and that is the Eek
travagance" of the young ladies'" We
would advise you first to ascertain whether
you would be accepted or not before you
make such desperate efforts to avoid an cmi-
grafton to the much desired and yet much
dreaded state of matrmony. We had not
before been made aware how very fascinating
and bewitching "old bachelors" deemed them
selves Hitherto we had looked upon them as
a cross, ill-natured class of persons rather to
be stunned than sought after Imagine our
surprise upon learning that they reaKy were so
charming that they had necessarily to form
themselves into a"Revoltihg Association "and
take solemn oath to defend each other, pro-
viding the ladies should make an attack upon
them, and unmindful Of their earnest plead
ings. force them to take upon themselves the
marriage VOWS. We imptore you not to wca.
ry your already perpfexcd brains about us -
fou would probably not find US so easily won
as o. seem to imagine we would be. At
least we have not expressed ourselves as be-
ing DESTROYS of entering the state of "wcdded
bliss" while you cannot but admit that you
have expressed yourselves exceedingly aux
ious to become married, and that the fear that
you will not be able to support wife is keep
ing you from doing so. Allow us then, in all.
kindness, to make n few suggestions, which,
if acted upon, may aid you in keeping bet
ter supply of poke. money on hand or to
keep pocket book" pretty well replenished
for your wife Gf you have one.) Avoid fire.
quenting eating saloons and drinking and
gambling houses. Quit your smoking. You
smoke at least three cigars day. No "bach-
elor" would smoke less, and the majority of
you smoke more. Fifteen cents the amount
you usually spend for smoking during the
day, placed away in some corner Of your
pocket book" where a desire te smoke can
not penetrate, you wsuld find at the close of
the year the nice little sum of S5475, while
you could save equally as much by abolishing
the filthy habit of chewing tobacco. And we
doubt not that tvice the amount might be
saved, if instead of spending your earnings
at some "saloon" you would spend them at
home. Summing the little mites together
that you spend in dissipation, you would soon
find that you possessed competence sufficient
to support wife.
Besides, our streets would not be so often
desecrated with men staggering under the in
fuence of intoxication.' There would be few
or bloated faces and more manly countcnances.
On the whole, we think you would derive
more benefit from a "Reformiag Association"
than from "Revolting "A ssoeiation. You
certainly place very low estimate upon your
own good sense and Judgment For if there
is class of young ladies" who are vain
and frivolous enough TO care for nothing
else than dress and admiration, there is
also another class, who possess sense enough,
and who would have no desire to live above
their husbands income. The distinction be-
tween the two classes is so great. that the man
who cannot discriminate between them must
be endowed with very limited supply of
brains. With many kindwishcs, we will always
remain your sympathetic friends.
.TuE YorNa IApIraD