The weekly pioneer and Democrat. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. Territory) 1855-1865, 1865-11-10
Natural History of Babies.

Natural History Of Babies.
Babies are of two kinds, male and fe-
male, and are usually put up in packages
of one, though sometimes two, in which
cases they are called twins, when nearly OF
the same age. They are not confined ts
any particular locality, but are foundplen-
tifully distributed over all parts Of thsin-
habited countries. Their ages are various
and have wide range. We have known
them as young as It's easy to calculate
time on q watch dial, and then again We
have seen them where they have acquired
the healthy age of twenty five with . fair
prospect Of advancing still further into
babyhood. Their weight depends . great
deal on their heft; but as they have
twenty-one years to grow in before Is costs
them anything, It don't matter 60 much
how big they happen to be- when tieJ
commence.
Probably babies have more pet names
than any other article Of their size. In
the tender years of life, say the first two,
they are lovingly addressed by such en-
dearing names as Old Beautiful, Sweet
ness, Honeycomb, Him Darling, Papss
Hope, Old Blessed, Mammals Joy, Noble
Ands0ms, supposed to be q contraction of
Old Handsome, and hundreds Of other
appellations which We never could trans
late. @
For several years, until they get old
enough to play out Of dosrs and soil their
faces, their lives are one long continuous
game of Copenhagen, everybody Iaboring
under the delusion that all babies are for
is to kiss, consequently, to see one is to
kiss it. We cannot Eeeollect Of ever find
ing oursef in the presence of Q baby, but
what the mother would cay to it, 'tNow be
good little deary, and give gentleman q
nice kiss" OF course we accept it,
though kissing amt our forte. We are
naturally modest, and don't care to be
seen kissing anybody. We don't banker
after it as some Of our friends do. We
are willing to kiss pretty girl OCCASION
ally for her mothers sake, or even far her
own, rather than have any trouble, yet
think, if said pretty girl owed Us q kiss,
we should much prefer to have it remain
on interest to having it paid when it be-
came due; We should never present our
bill and demand payment-not if We con-
tinued perfectly sane. We understand
that there are quite number of persons
who differ from us in regard to kissing;
if 80 let them differ, we cannot stop to
argue the point, as our subject treats of
babies.
The monotony Of babies lives Is varied
by such little incidents as an attack of the
measles, mumps or Group. We would not
neglect to speak of cutting teeth. A baby
that has safely got through all these infan-
tine troubles is considered worth some
seventy-five dollars more than one who has
them in prospect. The diseases are, how
ever, easily treated, and in case of the
measles all that is necessary is to have
them "break out " well, and see to it that
they don't "strike in" With mumps,
just let them mump round day or two,
and they viii come out all right. With tho
Group it is necessary to strike lie gen
orally, "goose lie " and it applied in sea-
son, twill soon lubricate the throat with
out much trouble. Cutting teeth runs
longer than either of the other diseases
yet by q timely investment in rubber ring
and rattle you get rid of doctors bill.
When We were young, We oat or teeth On
q silver dollar, bat as dollars are nov made
of paper, they don't stand the wear and
tear Of . whole set of teeth, and it is
cheaper in the end to invest in q rubber
ring.
Learning to walk and talk are two
achievements about which too much can
not be said. The walking, though it Is .
mere nothing compared with talking, yet
it is more dangerous, and accidents oftener
occur; still they acquire the art with nec-
essary breaking Of some crockery or fur
niture which they frantically clutch in Or
der to save fall During the season of
practicing, nething can drop in the house,
or at least noise be made, but what mother
win not drop whatever she has in Ler hand
and cry out: ''There goes Willie: what
has he done now7" and rush to the scene
of action to find fower-pot on the floor,
and Willie engaged in scattering its con-
tents about the room. After clearing up
the debris, the mother returns to her work,
thanking her stars that it was only choice
verbena that was ruined and not Willie's
neck.
Their conversation in the beginning is
little difficult to understand. They alb
breviate q great deal, and throw aside all
pronouns as perfectly useless. Listening
to their talk is like attending an Italian
Opera one hears the noise, but cannot
understand what it means. The first
"papa or s mamma, :" distinctly spoken,
is worth five dollars to either of the de-
lighted parents Babies must not only
talk themselves, but must be talked to ;
and the amount of baby talk used in a
common sized family is prodlgious. Ba-
bys appearance opens new field to all.
Tho old handa vho hauo COON hoL;oa ha-