American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1865-06-21
NIGHT.
Wit AND WISDOM,
Looking harbour roof.
How to make all women equally
pretty. Put out the candle.

NNNANNNN'
"IIl die for the flag" cried treasury clerks
Qu0th soldier, My patriot iriend look mere 4,
This shedding your blood for twelve dollars a month
Amt like shedding red ink for twelve hundred year
The soyereigns that exert the great
est sway in the world, are neither white
nor black-=but yellow.
Why are your teeth like verbs P? Be
cause they are regular irregular, and de-
fective.
The South Carolinians may not be-
long to the association of "The Straight
outs but their coat-tails do.
"A wag, on hearing that a man had
given up chimney sweeping, expressed
surprise, as he thought the business suited
him.
-" Keep your dog away from me 7"
said dandy to a butcher boy. " Dam
the dog, he's always after puppies" said
the boy.
=" 1t is shame, husband, that have
to sit here mending your old clothes" b"
Don't say a word about it, wife; the
Least said the is easiest mended."
Somebody told Sydney Smith that
the giraffe at the geological Gardens had
caught cold. +" Fancy" said he, " gi-
rafTo with two yards of sore throat"
An editor in Iowa has become so hol-
low from depending upon the printing
business alone for his bread, that he pro-
poses to sell himself for a stove pipe.
"A genius named Flaherty, of Wash
ingtop City, has the following posted on
his window
Eggs newly laid here on the shortest
notice"
A minister who presented new
she'll of his invention to the War Depart
ment, said that he had long preached hell
in the abstract, but thought he had got it
here in a concentrated form.
=" Madame" said a gentleman to his
wife, 8, let me tell you, facts are very stub
born things" "
"Deario me, you don't say So" quoth
the lady; "what a fact you must be-"
- Father, said cobbler's lad, as he
was pegging away at an old shoe, " they
say that trout bite good now"
well, WE'LL" replied the old gentle
man, you stick to your work, and they
,coat bite you"
On st. Patrick's Day, as the E
Guards we're parading the streets to the
sound of g Yankee Doodle" from fife and
drum, lover of the patron saint and good
yhiskey, sort of g camp-follower," was
observed staggering along behind whist
ling ST. Patrick Day in the Morning. >
Some one observed that Paddy's gait ap-
peared rather eccentric: know it, >"
said he, but, dye mind I'm stri0,ng to
marcel qtiher t,oo tshpnes." That might
be called a specimen "of forced march
ing"
SoLD-" Bob, that's fine horse you
have there, what's he worth p
"Three hundred and fifty dollars"
NO, not so much as that"
Yes, every cent Of it, another fifty on
the top of that"
Z" Are you sure p
Yes, I'll swear to it,"
All right"
What are you so inquisitive for 7"
Merely for assessing purposes, | am
the assessor for this ward and only wanted
to know what you rated your nag at"
A WIFE IN TROUBLE" Pray tell me
my dear, what's the cause of those tears 2"
"0h, such disgrace !"
"What is it, my dear /? don't keep me
in suspense !"
"0h, have opened one of your let
ters supposing it to be addressed to my
self. scertainly it looked more like Mrs.
than Mr."
i" Is that sll What harm can there
be in wife's opening her husbands let
tiers !"
"No harm in the thing itself, but the
contents. Such disgrace +"
Who has dared to write me letter
unfit to be read by my vifeY'
"0h no, it is couched in the most
chaste and beautiful language But the
contents the contents!"
Here the wife buried her fice in her
handkerchief and commenced sobbing
aloud, while her husband eagerly caught
up the letter and commenced reading the
epistle that had nearly broken bis wife's
heart It was a bill from the printer for
three years subscription for the newspa-
per-