The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1865-01-06
ALL SORTS.

Coleman, the dramatist, was asked if he
knew Theodore Hook. ''Yes," replied
the dramatist, ''Hook and Eye are old as
sociates''
''Have you ever broken a horse ?" in
quired a horse: jockey. ''No, not exactly -
replied Simmons, "but have broken three
wagons"
A SPEAKERS MIsTAKE.-Some years
ago, bill was reported in the New York
House of Assembly, entitled "An Act for
the Preservation of the Heath Hen and
other Game" The speaker of the house.
who was probably not much of sports
man, gravely read it, "An Act for the
preservation of the HEATHER and other
Game''-a blunder of which he was un-
conscious, until an honest member from
the north. who had suffered considerably
by the depredations of the frontier Indi-
ans, moved an amendment by adding the
words ''except Indians"
JOSH BILLINGS says there IL nothin in
this life that will open the pores ov man
SO much as tew fall in luv; it makes him
feel as fluent as a tin whissell. az Timber
az a boys wotch chane and az perlite az a
dancing-mastcr ; hiz harte IL az full ov
sunshine az a bayfield,, there aint any more
gile in him than there IL in stick ov
morlasses candy.
| hav herd a CRATE deal ced about
''broken hartes,' and there may be Il few
ov them, but my experience IL, that next
tew the gizard, the harte is the tuffest
peace ov meat in the whole critter.
A SMALL MIsrAKE.-The Savannah Re-
publican publishes the following erruto:
'In our cholera article of yesterday even
ing, for No. read Yes and for Yes
read 'No.'" A London paper once pub
lished its equal, as follows: For her
grace the Duke of Bedford, read his grace,
the Duchess of Bedford"
\ good looking congressman pushed
past the soldier who was guarding the en-
trance to the ladies car at Washington the
other day. when the blue coat stopped
him saving: Ladies car, sir. You can
not 90 in there" But says our friend.
Il am a member of Congress" Cant
help that, sir If l let you in there. they
will put me in the guard-house: and that
is d-n sight worse than going to
Congress-
A letter from arebel soldier to the
beloved of his Soul,' said to have been
intercepted, contains some touching para
graphs. He says: ''The quarters in
camp are passable but the quarters in my
pocket are not. Last night had mud
puddle for my pillow, and covered myself
with a sheet of water. I long for more
whisky barrels and less gun barrels; more
biscuits AMI less bullets. How wish YOU
We're here. The farther away get from
YOU the better l like YOU
The following connundra are from the
" Boatarum's IIhiale":
Why is the devil gentleman? Be
cause the imp of darkness could not be
imp-o-lite.
Why is a four-quart measure like a side
saddle . Because it holds gallon.
What is the sun by trade tanner
Why is the first chicken like foremaSt !.
Because it is Just before the main hatch
Why is a washerwoman like grief. Be
cause she wrings mems bosomS.
What is the difference between a town
and Its people 1t is laid out at the be-
ginning of its existence, and they at the
end OF theirs
What was Pharaoh's objection to Mo-
Ses? He found him more plague than
prophet.
When did profanity begin? When the
first pear was cursed by the first apple.
What did Adam plant first! His foot.
Why is hen immortal! Because her
son never sets.
What is worse than raining pitchtorks