The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-11-15

Th0uEh fine be precious. can use
longer midnight taper,
And thus take time to read the news
| Therefore I'll take paper.
Clambs OF Advice to Married Ladie,
whose Lords are out Late O'Ni1hts.
LADIES Il am aware Of the fact Of there
being husbands % lost to all seu.e of propriety
and SO regardless OF the tenier susceptbiitiea
OF the m 'rried female heart, that they stay GU,
late o'nights. My husband was one OF thi:
class. He is now, through my system Of train
ing, thoroughly returned, tanned and -ubdu.d
He acknowledges that he has no rights which
am bound to respect. He is as dvcile as
lamb. family man in every sense Of the
word.
This useful and not often ornamental adjunc
to every well regulated househoki--a husband:
is singular being, strange in his ways, prone
t. go estay, ready t. obiige anybody else r,th
er tn n his wife, very apt to forget the exis
tence OF that wife, in the contemp! alto" OF
some snip OF girl with a light BIT, u tight
gaiter, and bright eyes. Husband>-I am now
speaking Of those who have grown calIous in
the conjugal harncss-are much given tn deceit
What time they ere not hobn"bbing with their
boon companions in the rum rookeries. they
may be doing something worse. There's NJ
believing anything they say when once they
| get the upper hand, and have full swing with
| tn night l4tch.keys. Out two thirds Of the
night they come reeling home, or it, by ch ,nce
returning sober, they are as cross and il-grained
as the very old Satan.
| Husbands have an iaordinate variety Of ex
cases. will give you AL example:
When we were first married nv husband
could not have been more attentive | was
accounted handsome, lump and lively-a good
fsure-and, i'm gine have not altogether lost
all trace of those charms 50 powerful in causing
men to make fools o. themselves.
The first three months OF our marriage
shall never forget. Henry was ut home every
night. No roting around town; always pune.
tuaI to tea; often playfuIly insisting on our
drinking tea out of the same cup; and oh how
loving and tender. ale kissed me, and [
seemed to walk on thrones l was in an
eysium With his arm around me. and my
head resting unon his bOsom-I sitting upOn
his lap-hc sitting in the highback rocking
chair in our snug, cosy parlOr, and the blind
closely drawn All, me! that was bliss-heav
enly. enrapturng, enchanting! N" night-latch
key krd for; no whisky demijnhn in the
closet; 10 registering, grinning, winking fellows
in to help drink it; no trying in the morning
| with trembling hand and Oblivious intellect, to
shave himself with n case knife, or lather his
|
like the atmo. phere of a beer brewery, or
clothing, rank with the fumes Of tobacco smoke,
or stained with wasted cocktails, or the soup uf
midn'g ght orgie.
As time passed on his warmth decreased -
| |, fool like, as every young girl g.een and
gushing is. when she gets full possession of that
wonderfully ard iearully created anim,l-a
iull grown man-with a legal right to call him
| hu>band-redoubled my exerilon- to recall his
honeymoon fOndness. tie accepted my kisses,
my piayiu ul embraces, and my tenderness, as
matter Of course; eat his breakfast as it he
were bachelor; put on his hat and walked oil
as indifferent to the parting salute as if he had
| never declared-"My darling little pet, | eau.
not live the day out without your good bye kiss
resting Oh my lips" The great moustached
Mute!
When We were first married, and he sfaid
home o'nights he never snored He -lept AS
calm and quietly as sleeps the wearied traveller
after long days journey. But as he grew in
different to me-, and us his absence from home
OF evenings became longer, he began to snore.
Where he learned it / don't know Louder
and louder, and more disgu ting that abomin.
| abb. sOmnambulic noise increased as the mouth.
pissed on, until just before reformed him. the
awful sound became little less than series OF
spasmodic snorts, basso profundo mas Il shreks,
out by the roots.
Despite all my efforts, my costly arranged
tea table, the lucious titbits OF the uxuries of
the season, which placed temp.ngly upon the
snowy cloth, the beautifully embroidered slip
ps's, aud the dressing gown presented him
| with on our FIRST Christmas day. he fell into
| strange ways, AMI At last came home continually
| in a state Of beastly ntoxication.
At first he told me his absence was caused
by meetings at is lodge. He belonged to the
Masons--so he said. believed him then; but
when the lodge got to holding protract-.I meet
in.s every night, he coming home looking as
il he had been drawn through knot-hole,
j,ned, face flushed. and unsteady as to gait,
with card 't Mss S. meb.,dy in his coat pocket
Il bt gan to have my doubts about the ledge,
and 80 express. myself His ouIy reply WAS
"Mrs-, tLere are more lodges than one;
90 into them all >
The next lodges were, business, posting the
book, taking account of stock, over-work,
heavy orders to fill, had to so with country
customers.
Then came a new set of excuses. Coroner'<
jury; sudd, My called rs a witness; ch,ritable
meeting; waiting in the wrong street Tor a Car
-and-well, couldn't name the lot Of miser-
able sCbterfuges to which he at last resorted.
was negl ccted. To be sure, had enough
to eat and drink and wear; but as you are well
| aware, married woman wants more than
vlctuals and clothes tO make her happy. When
u husband Casts away his wife as he would
squeezed mon, it is time iOr woman to rise,
assume a power, though she hath it not. AN 60
at him, hummer anu tungs, until he Qlails,
covers submits to be what he ought, IL du'nes.
tic convenience--a lay figure whose joints,
drapery and entire expression shall be subject
to the cap.ice of his wife.
II the young lady who is reading this and
pelhaps casting aside these crumbs Of advice
AS being stale and dry, and distastetul to her
moral palate, and who is yearniug IT, possess Il
husband could see into the dread tuture OF her
conjusal liie-bchold he handsome idol OF her
affections -lumberinS. his mouth wide open,
like the jaws OF All old fashioned rat trap his
hair pulled in tangled M sses over his head
see his cl0,hng scattered all over the room.
overlooked by pair OF great boots, with all
his snoring and cultural wind catching ii she
should catch a scent Of his whisky lad, II
breath hear him cursing 1T the coffee, anathe-
ma.ziug the biscuit, and sendng to everlasting
p.rdition the meat, and hndimS fault about
everything with his wiie-she would not leap
up 50 quickly, nor run 50 enthusiastically when
she hears her favored lovers voice requesting
an interview.
think il were to become widow and be
compelled. by the force OF circum- tances, or
the yearnings OF womans nature, t. marry
again, should choose IL fat mana three hun.
dred FOUNDER. Never. oh! never, Il lean man.
They are-,hese lean unexpectedly trighttul
In their little peccadilloes and delinquenci,s.-
IL is the fat and unctious dog that lays about
the house and never goes abroad 1t is your
gaun,, lean, yellow dog that despises home,
always dissatisfied, and keeps himself thin as
+ IL by his constant wanderinss from home.
Avoid lean husband, ladies and above all.
avoid one VINO, in his adiition I manue.s, ex-
presses devotion to temperance. My husband