davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iowa transcript. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1858-1866, 1865-03-09
y. S. $40 Six per cent.
Co.d-Eearing Bonds

These TO nds are nor worth 4 premium Of
nine CIR cent, including gold interest from
No. viii makes tho actual profit On the
7-3D lcsu, II current rates, including interest
absu. tea pei cent per annum besides is ~
enFticn hon S.1}r and mun;cipai tsrlitoa tsi.,k
Odds rom onr 10 three per cen. Month more sc.
cording TO the rate levied on other properly
is payable SEM annually By cupon, attach.l
to each note, Which may be cut Of AMI .oi
to sny Tank or banker.
Thu mt N 70 N
The Iowa transcript. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1858-1866, 1865-03-09

Suggested on SEEING Mss noss Dsl
The Iowa transcript. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1858-1866, 1865-03-09
PHdENlX.
OF II A r T F o r %

TIE PHOENIX enters the present year
better than ever prepared for service and
and duty, in the line Of its profession, with
cniersed facilities for the transaction Of bus
iuerS.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
A Good One.

A waggish friend of ours, who sells
goods at wholesale on Shetucket street,
tells the following good one:
Somewhere in the outskirts of Hart
ford there is Mission School that has
the reputation of being rather "noisy y
SO much so that those appointed to take
charge of it generally resign in few
weeks. Last Sunday, the school being
destitute of superintendent. promi-
nent manufacturer, Mr.. s. S. Morse, of
the city, volunteered for the day. Hav-
ing called the school to order and got
most of them seated, "Boys," said he
mounting the platfrom, diets see if we
can't have it sti h"-and he put himself
in quiet posture for the school to imi-
tate. As there was yet some noise
''boys,' said he, eve can have it stiller, l
know" and walking to the front part of
the stage and raising his hand, snow let's
see if we can't hear pin drop" All
was silence, when little fellow in the
back part of of the room, cooking his car
and placing himself in an attitude of
breathless attention, spoke out, "Let her
drop y The stern features, of the su-
perintendent are said to have slightly re-
Bulletin.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
How Petroleum is Formed.
Co. C, 9th Reg. 2. Y

The Pittsburgh Chronicle, speculating
on the formation of petroleum, says
eve may set it down as an axiom that
nature is not only capable of producing
now all articles that she has ever pro-
duced, but that she is and will continue
to produce them until she substitutes
better. Perhaps our meaning
will be better understood by applying to
a single article. Suppose, for instance,
We take the one in which we all have so
deep an interest-petroleum. This is
known to be hydro carbon, composed of
two gases. These gases are primary ele-
ements, indestructible and inexhaustible
in quantity. One Of them-hydrogen-
is a constituent Of water, and Of course,
is as inexhaustible as the ocean. The
other is a constituent in all vegetable
forms and in many Of our rocks. One
hundred pounds of limestone, when burn
ed, will weigh but sixty pounds. The
part driven off by burning is carbonate "a
cid. Underlying the coil rock" is stra-
tum of limestone of unknown thickness,
but known to be upwards Of one thousand
feet in depth. The water falling on the
surface and perculating through the po-
rous sandstone that underlies the oil rock
becomes charged with salt, potash, salt
petre, and other chemical ingredients,
and finally, reaches the limestone rock
and decomposes it--thc carbon in the
rock and the hydrogen Of the water uni
ting to form oil, while the oxygen is set
free to ascend to the atmosphere to unite
with minerals and form oxygen. The re-
verse of this process is seen in burning
the oil in lamp-the oxygen in the at
mosphere uniting with the carbon in the
oil, forming a carbonic acid and with the
hydrogen forming water-thus compie-
ting the circle. The question is frequent
" asked, "When will the oil become cx
hausted 2" We may answer when the 0
cean is, and not before"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
Non-Suiting a Creditor.

There was lawyer in Cape Cod long
time ago, a man well to do in the world,
and what was surprising, averse to incur
litigation. One day a client came to him
in violent rage.
"Look here, SQUIRE" said he, "that
shoemaker down to Pigeon Cove has gone
and sued me for my money for pair Of
boots [ owed him"
"Did the boots suit you p
go, yes"
"'Yell then you owe him the money
honestly %
"Course"
"Well, why don't you pay him ?" ],
"Why, cause that snob went and sued
me-and | want to keep him out Of his
money if l can"
"It will cost you something"
'I don't care. How much do you want
to 90 on with 2"
80, SO will do"
''Is that all? Well, here's an X, so
90 ahead" and the client went off very
we'll satisfied with the beginning.
Our lawyer next called on the shoems-
ker, and asked him what he meant by
instituting legal proceedings against Mr..
"Why," said he, II knew he was able
to pay and was determined to make him.
That's the long aud short of it."
"Well," said the lawyer, che was al,
ways good customer to you; | think you
acted too hastily. There's a trife to pay
on account Of your proceedings, but |
think you had better take these S5 and
call it square"
Certainly, if you say so; and glad to
get it."
So the lawyer forked over Y and kept
the other. In a few days his client came
along and asked him how he got on with
his case.
"Rapidly," replied the lawyer, "we've
non suited him He'll never trouble us
again p
Jerusalem that's great I'd rather
gin $50 than had him get the money for
them boots %
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
DIR. W. u. EYETMOR,
Of Philadelphia.

Where he has been In successful! Practice
for number of years, with the experience
Of all the different Hospitals, &c, is now
permanently located at Allentown, (Ofice
Schneck's Eagle lIotel.) where he will be in
strict attendance 20 all Professional calls.
No Patent Medicines used OF recommend
ed. The remedies administered are those
which will not break down The constitution,
bot renovate the system ircm all injuries II
has sos;ained from improper treatment, and
leave the system in healthy and perfectly
cured condition.
Melancholy Alteration, that state or all
eBalion and weakness of the mind which
render. persons ipca pable of enjoying the
pleasures or performing the duties Of life.
DlSpEPSIA.-That distressing disease
and fell destroyer Of health and happiness,
undermining The co.stitution and yearly car
Ying thousands 10 Jntimely graves. can most
smpnalicaly be cured.
RHEUMATISM-In any form. or condl-
ton warranted durable, Epilepsy, or falling
sckness,-all chronic or Stubborn cases ef
Female Diseases, radically removed. Salt
Rheum, and every description oi uiccrations;
Piles and Scrofulous diseases, which have
bafied previous medical skill, can be cured
BY proper treatment; aud | do say, Eyes
CoHsumpiiOa) can be cured By wearing my
Aedcaied Jacket, which is protection TO
The Lungs against all changes of weather IN
all climates. Having investigated Tor years
The cause and character Of intermittents, (fe-
yer and Ague) in all parts OF the United
States-wii cure permanently all Chronic
or Acute cases Of Ague and Nervous diseas'
90, in few DAYS.
TAPE WORM.-That dread to the Hu,
man Family, can be removed aud Permanent'
ly cured.
Consultation in my Office in the Eaglisf
and German language, free of charge. WI
make visits any distance. Wednesdays anC
Saturdays set apart for patients from dis
lance. May be addressed by letter (con6den
ilsllyD and Medicines sent with proper dl
recuons 10 any part of the country.
Dr. w. II. WITMOR,
Ofce in Eagle Hotel Building,
Allentown, Lehigh Co., Pa.
beptembcr l. 1864 -Iy.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
A "Hoss Car" Adventure.

Artemus Ward is looking at things in
Boston. He had an adventre one day,
which resulted as follows:
[ returned in the Hoss Cars, part way.
A pooty girl in spectacles sat near ME,
and was tellin' young man how much
he reminded her of man she used to
know in Waltham. Pooty soon the young
man got out, and, smilin' in seductive
manner, I said to the girl in spectacles,
"Don't [ remind you of somebody you
used to know p
eyes" she said, "you do remined me
of one man, but he was sent to the pen
itentiary for stealth bar'l of mackerel
he died there, SO 1 conclood you ain, t
him." l didn't pursoo the conversation.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
a Cat Dentist.

A true tale is told of Mr.. Slipheimer,
the famous Saxon dentist. He had val
liable tortoise-shell cat that for days did
nothing but moan Guessing the cause,
he looked into his mouth, and seeing a
decayed tooth, he soon relieved it of its
pain. The following day there were at
least ten cats at his door, the day after,
twenty and they went on increasing at
such rate that he was obliged to keep a
bulldog to drive them away. But moth
ing would help him. A cat that had the
toothache would come any number of
miles to see him. 1t would come down
the chimney even, and not leave the room
till he had taken its tooth out It grew
to be such nuisance at last that he was
never free from one Of those feline pa
tients. However, being one morning We
ry nervous, he accidentally broke the jaw
of an old tabby. The news Of this spread
like wildfre. Not q single cat ever came
to him afterward. This is related as true
Do you doubt? OF course not.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
NO. 2.
Tit for Tat.

Joe and Commodore Rogers, brothers.
blacksmiths in Whitewater, Wisconsin.
have great reputation for being practical
jokers. Last summer Joe bought an old
fashioned dash churn, for the purpose Of
manufacturing their own butter and as
the Commodore was widower and lived
with Joe, all such work as churning ma
turaily fell to him. One eve, after supf
per, the first churning was got ready, and
the Commodore was if7itgd to cFurn.-
"Hold on, says he, till go down town
and get some tobdcker.
He went, and while gone John did the
churning, took out the butter, ana lsfty
the buttermilk in the churn. Z
The commodore returned, looked at
the churn, took off his coat, and says,
"Wa'al, old churn, it's you and /, and
here's for ye!" and commenced his labor.
After churning a couple of hours, he re-
marked that "he guessed it would be
cheaper to buy butter than to make it,,
81 thing so too" says Joe, off you are
going to try to churn it out Of buttermilkw
A few days after that churning pro-
cess, Joe put one end of small bar Of
iron into his forge fire, gave the bellows
three or four pumps, and stepped into the
back-shop While gone, the Commodore
heated the iron to black heat, then
changed ends with it, stepped out of the
front door to watch progress.
In came Joe, took up the iron, but
dropped it instanter, holding up his burn
cd hand, and roared with pain. "Put
on some buttermilk, Joe-it's good for
burn ~ said the Commodore, as he made
masterly retreat amidst shower of bou-
quets composed of hammers, hard coal
and old horse-shoes.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA. MARCH 8, 1855.

Northerner proves equal to any Souther-
ner. The thrift loving Yankee has fought
four years and will fight four years more,
or until the stars and stripes float in tri-
umph over every foot of land, from the
banks of the Potomac to the Rio Grande,
and the authority of free Constitution
is acknowledged and obeyed wherever
the foot steps of a slave have trod. In
hugging the peculiar institution too tight
they have squeezed the life out of it, and
millions now breathe the air of free
dom for whom they were forgeing fetters
to bind them still tighter to the Jugger-
naut Of Slavery.
One hundred thousand of the best men
of the South have been sacrificed to their
great Moloch in vain. The courage of
the Chivalry is on the wane The remem-
brance of Forts Henry, Donelson and
Island No 10, Memphis, Vicksburg, Port
Hudson, New Orleans, Chattanooga, Look
out Mountain, Atlanta, Savannah Fort
Morgan, Nashville, Knoxville, Gettys-
burg, Fort Fisher, Columbia, Charleston,
and Fort Anderson is a terror to them,
aud well it may be to all traitors. O.!
how appropriate to be able, on the ami
vcrsary of the birth day of the Father of
his country, to be able also to celebrate
the downfall of the city of Charleston, the
great whore who has made drunken her
cities and States with the
whoredom Of her treason. While am
writing this article, all the Forts encir-
cling the National Capitol are simultane-
ously speaking forth in thunder tones
that make the earth tremble, in honor of
the fall Of Charleston, and of the Stars
and Stripes again floating in triumph O.
yer forts Sumpter and Moultrie. These
events have been brought about not by
hard fighting and loss of life, but by a
grand plan of combinations invented by
the little, unassuming General at City
Point who holds Gen. Lee so tightly in
the vice that he can neither stir hand or
foot, while General Sherman the great
Flanker who, according to rebel Edi-
tors opinion, needs no base, is travelling
through Dixie ed H6tuD,.' With the
planters cry for peace, even with recon
struction and without slavery, and with
the Johnies deserting their ranks by hun
lreds per day, we think we have reason
TO hope that the long prayed for day of
peace is near at hand when our Govern
ment, Republican in principle and form,
shall emerge out of its frey ordeal, puri-
fed from the curse Of slavery, and shine
forth in the glory Of its free institutions,
he wonder and admiration of the world.
Respectfully yours,
AARON FLYTE,
Co. G., 9th Reg 2. Y.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
Took His Daddy's Advice,

Ny attention was once called to con-
irmed loafer, who was the pest of the
neighborhood where he resided, and of
whose boyhood friend related to Inc
the following circumstance
When Dick R was about eleven
years of age he was one day in the field
with his father and workmen. It chan
ced to be in the haying season, and they
were provided with bottle of rum, ac-
cording to custom. After drinking a
round, his father passed him the bottle,
saying, "Dick, put that in the SPRING
meaning for him to set it in the water to
keep the contents cool
About an hour afterward Dick was
summoned to bring the bottle. His father
took swallow, while Dick stood near with
a broad grin on his face. 1t contained
nothing but water. Turning to his mis-
chievous son, he exclaimed in an excited
tone,
"Dick what did you do with the Ii
quor that was in this bottle %
81 poured it into the spring, Sir" he
replied, in hesitating tone, fearing that
he had carried the joke too far for he
was in hopes one of the hired men would
take the first drink.
"Well, Dick, the the parent continued,
with a significant flourish of his scythe-
rife, "you did right: but don't never do
SO again p
My friend remarked that Dick had
evidently followed this advice ever since
for he had never done anything that was
right from that day to the present time.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
Two Mueh Money.

A gentleman of this city informs us
that certain down in the Morgan county
oil regions, had tract of land which he
held before the oil excitement broke out.
at $4,000. After some valuable wells had
been sunk in the neighborhood, and the
old mans ideal of the oleaginous wealth
in hills began to expand, he dared to ask
$4,000 for his possessions. Soon the
eastern capitalists began to come in and
the farmer had to go little higher. It
was the home of his ancestors, a regular
"family institution" which was dear to
him, and he would not sell it. Bidder af-
ter bidder came round, and the old gen
tleman thought he would frighten all a.
way by asking $4,000. Croesus, with
all his fabulous millions, never fell more
confused than the farmer did with his
farm, which had been SO suddenly CONVEX
ted into gold.
Things continued in this condition for
few days, when two gentlemen from
New York called on him about the same
hour of the day, representing different
opposition companies, One of them of
fercd him his price, $4,000 Before he
had time to consider the bid, the other
offered $4,000. Resolving on some
thing reckless, the old fellow put the
farm up at auction and before night sold
it for S5l, 500. The money was paid to
him on the spot, and more uneasy man
cannot be found in Morgan county. He
has too much money. We pity him
ZdncSuile Tine.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09

A 4mean Yankee trick" was played
on the rebels few days since in front of
our lines near Petersburg. With view
of relieving the tedium of their lire in
the mnd and rain, some of the pickets of
the I'd Corps procured a few fat cattle, as
the most tempting bats they could offer
to Southern appetites, and, placing them
upon the outer line, hid themselves in
ambush and waited patiently the result.
AS was anticipated, no sooner were the
beeves heard to low than the rebel pick
cts, crouching in the underhrnsh, stolo
cautiously toward them. They were get
ting along very successfully, they thought
and had almost reached the object of their
hopes, when, to their dismay, they heard
a laugh and "hurrah" in their rear, and
turned to find themselves cut off from
the main body of their army, and pris-
oners About hundred of these seek
ers after beef were thus made game of
and captured by this adroit manoeuvr6.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
Revolutionary Pensioners.

The House Of Representatives at Wash
ington has unanimously passed bill Civ
ing gratuity Of $500 year to each of
the five surviving Revolutionary pension
ers, additional to the pension of 500
which they now receive. In January,
1864, there were only twelve surviving,
seven of whom have since died. The
names of the only survivors are as follows:
Lemuel Cook, enlisted in Hatfield, Mass,
50 years of age, now residing in Claren-
don, Orleans county, New York Samuel
Downey, enlisted in Carroll county, New
Hampshire, 9S years of age, now living
in Edingburg, Saratoga county, New
York; VIM. Hutchins, enlisted in New
Castle Maine, 100 years of age, residing
at Panobscot, Maine; Alexander Moro
ny, enlisted at Lake George, New York,
as drummer boy, "a years old, residing
at Yates, Orleans County, New York ;
and James Bartham, substitute for draf-
ted man in Southampton county, Virgin
ia, living in Missouri, in his 101st year.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
A LECTURE
TO YOUNG MEN.

Just Published ia a Sealed Enrclcpe.-
Price SjG Cents.
ALcctUrc Gsa the Nature, Treat.
mcnt and radical cure of SPERMATOR-
RuGA. or Seminal Weakness, Involuntary
Emissions Sexual Debility, and Impediments
to Marriage generally. Nervousness, Con-
svMPTIoN. EPILEPSY, and FRS; Mental and
PHYSICAL Incapacity. resulting from SelfA-
buse, &c, BY ROB'T ]. CULVERWELL,
Al. D., Author of the "Green Book" sc.
The world renowned author, in this admi-
rable Lecture, clearly proves from his own
personal experience that the awful conse-
ouences of SelfAbuse may be efectually re-
moved without medicine. and without dan
gerous surgical operations. bougies, instrn-
mcnts, rings or cordial, pointing cut mode
of cure at once certain and etectual, by
which every sufferer, no matter what his
condition may be, may cure himself cheaply,
privately. and radically. THIS LECTURE
WILL PROVE A BOON TO THOUS-
ANDS AND THOUSANDS.
Sent, under seal, in a plain envelope, to
anv address, postpaid, on receipt of six
cents. or two post stamps. Address the pub
fishers.
CHAS. J. c. KLINE & Co,
1877 Botvcry, New York, Post of
fee box 45S6.
June l6, lS64-Iv.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09

A few years since the noted Tom Mar
shall was delivering an address before a
large audience in Buffalo, when some one
in the hall every few moments, shouted
"Loudor loader y Tom stood this for a
while but at last, turning gravely to the
presiding officer, said ;'"Mr. Chairman,
at the last day, when the angel shall with
his golden trumpet proclaim that time
shall be no longer, doubt not, Sir, that
there will be in that vast crowd, as now,
some drunken fool from Buffalo, shout
ing, Louder louder p The house roared;
Tom went on with his speech but there
wefc 10 more cries Of ''louder -
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09


One of the cemeteries in which the peo-
pie of Detroit-bury their dead is situated
a short distance from the city, with which
it is connected by plank-road. Midway
there is a toll gate Like most other toll
barred roads, funerals are allowed to pass
free Tho woll known DIR. B--was re-
turning from calling on a patient, and
stopped at this gate to pay his toll. Says
the Doctor to the gatc-keepcr,
"You ought to pass doctors free of toll"
"Ah no, Doctor" says the keeper,
goe send too many dead heads through
here p
The Doctor paid his toll and drove on.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09

Old Rickets was a man of labor and a
little or no time to devote to speculations
in the future. He was, withal, rather
uncouth in the use Of language. One
day, while engaged in stopping hog holes
about his place, he was approached by
colporteur, and presented with a tract
"What is this about ?"-demanded Rick
etts. ..That, is book describing the ce-
lestial state," was the reply Celestial
State v' said Riekets-"W here the deuce
is that?" "My worthy friend, | fear that
you have not 'tWell, never mind, in
terrupted Ricketts, 81 do not want to hear
aboutany better State than old Pennsylva-
MIA. Iintend to live and die right here,
if can only keep them darned hogs out. "
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
VOL. "a.

For Rats. SEice, Reaches, Ants,
Bed Bugs, M0tsis ian Eurs. Wool
ems, &c fnsectS om Plants, Fowls,
Animals, &c.
Pat up in 25c. SOC. and S1,00 Boxes, Bot
tlcs, and Flasks. So and 50 sizes for Ho-
tells, Public Institutions, sc.
"Only infalibIe remedies known"
Free from Poisons."
"Not dangerous TO the Human Family"
"Rais come out of their holes 10 die"
6rSold Wholesale in all large cities.
6rSoId bv all Druggists and Retailers ev-
erywhere.
rMBeware.M Of all worthless limitations.
6tITSec that "CosTAR's' name is on each
Box, Bottle and Flask, before you hny.
nrAddress HENRY r. COSTAR.
Sold by
w. HOLLTNSHEAD,
Wholesale g. Retail Agent, Stroudsburg, Pa.
March 2i, lS6t.-6m.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09
This is written for the Drawer and is

This is written for the Drawer and is
true:
The Rev. John Brodhead, formerly
Member of Congress from New Hamp-
shire, commenced his career as a Me-
thodist minister near Stroudsburg, in his
native State Of Pennsylvania He was
a large man, of powerful frame, and be-
fore his conversion had been noted for
his prowess in the athletic sports and
combats then common in that region
One day, while he has delivering a dis
course on the banks of the Delaware, pre-
paratory to administering baptism, quite
a disturbance was raised by some of his
old companions, more in merriment than
malice, however, and they finally, in a
laughing way, made preparations for a
mock baptism. Dir. Brodhead paused in
his discourse, and addressing the disor-
derlies, said, 'Look here, boys ! | belong
to denomination that holds to the pos
sibility of taHing from grace. If l should
happen to fall from grace-and L feel
very much like it-while you are cutting
your capers, some of you will catch ii
badly p The ringleader, good-naturcd
fellow Of some education, saw there was
trouble ahead, and after hesitating a
moment, turned to the others, and
said, II say, fellows. he's got into the
vernacular-wed better stop !" And STOP
they did, and the exercises were conclu
ded without further interruption.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-03-09

At recent fancy dress ball in Phil
adadelphia, among the most conspicuous
personages were certain we'll kown brok-
ers. their bodies encased in barrels, with
hol es in the side for their arms, decorated
with the names of prominent petroleum
companies, and surmoupted by derrick
This was certainly ingenious as an ad-
vcrtising device, but must have been an
inconyenieut and ungraceiul dancing cos
tune.