The mountain Democrat. [volume] (Placerville, El Dorado County, Calif.) 1863-1943, 1865-01-21
The Search for consplr.tor..
" BEAU HACKErT" IN LIMBO.

|
| live. Il the bare assertion, consisting
I S.A,trt vT&' 'PerS6haf prUGddT ana ar dc!
tive intransitive verb. required proof, |
think said proof could be produced.
exist If the inexplicable cohesion
of soul and body thI ough the agencies of
bard bread and fat pork constitute living,
! live. In the language Of divine youth
who once dealt me . poetical blow with
his clenched digits, I'm little, but Tm
all here" To what extent, let me briefly
explain:
For months | have lived in peace, hap.
piness and house for which have al
ways paid my rent regularly | settled
up my accounts and settled down for life,
resolved that in future | would go the
whole hog, and be \ great big man.
got Phrrnologist to make mort, IN ex
animation Of my head, and he expressed
his belief that if | lived long enongh.
would come To something. Ala! how
true his magic words (Not original y
I've c"me to it already I'm in it nll over.
! have grown 10 such gigantic proportions
that the city Of Chicago is not la gc
enough t. cnn'ain m ; aud am r. due, d
to The necessity "f passing my leisure
hours (Which are too numerous to men.
tom IN apartment light hy ten, at Camp
nou.laS.
have been passing a pleasant evening
IN the eve ni election. The partner Of
my joys and tw"-thirdS proprietor Of all
INV SnrrowS, had hten amusing herself by
singing an entirely new song, entitled
Angels now are on the wing" which
song | enjoyed excessively. Our little
deg chlmed in occasionally, and remem.
Der that my better half remarked, by way
Of joke, NAV be, that his bark was on
the c. and was inst beginning to laugh
heartily when there came q vigorous
knock at my front door.
opened, and 10! there stood posse
Corruption Of the word poSsum) Of sol,
dierS gazcd a moment at the tall figure
Of the leader, who wore a sword and pis-
tol by his side, and owned a moustache,
that was large enough to keep his teeth
from being sunburnt, and remarked in a
clear. distinct voice:
/ Hem :"
: The tall officer addressed the tcnderly
thus:
"Sir, your namc?"
alt matters not" said I. "What'S
name: That which we call an onion
would smell. &c"
To which tai officer replied as follows,
his voice rising several octaves:
Sir, you are Waited"
~ ,tink am," re, led, txritedlv,
smelling gu"p"wdrr, a'td viii that tl,d.
! lhInk reached the la, 4 door f mv
hwrl lng about a. quick ~ ever accom-
tlI>hrd at "C tie same easth aud
hrratti. before H. my life. sped like an
arrow, :" To speak, and had narrow Is
cap from borg torn IL tA", a. nv lcge
ruulu lIrriiv run a. fast a. NV body.
Dil say RAM Nav, NOR. On ~"
wings al love and cuaiitN ! gained the
tack d"m in hurry. anj arrived there
Just >,on erough u tunhl,. into The arms
"t hn!G adj Zen muscular >OldiuS.
I'VE know II, said one of them -
"B an llt. keti, YOU are a conspiracy :;
Won know YOU arc;" and with that re-
mark he put one Of my hands in the 9th,
cr, as though he wanted to introduce III"
to myself, and for the purpose OF Keeping
me on good terms with myself, he tied
thcm together with what thy called in
Wisconsin a rope "You are con>pi-
racy," reiterated soldier, "yon are plot
ting against the government, you are q
bad man"
Right, my boy" was my reply. I'll
bet my bottom dollar. | will admit that
you know what you are talking about,
which is admitting that you know more
than | do. I'm Old Conspiracy himself,
though; you may stake your soap on
that"
"You have arms in your possession ?"
"Yes, have 3 couple; but they are
not Of much account just now"
Then search began. My house, which
is one story high, was ranSacked from
garnet TO cellar. A bottle Of old bourbon
was found concealed on mantlepiece, and
was at once pronounced deadly weapon.
1t was rendered harmless, however, in a
very few moments. saw with fearful
eyes the last drop Of the cOnteHtS Of that
terrible instrument sail down the thrnats
Of nv unfecling captnrS. The Ell, ct was
terrible; in ten minutes the whole party
hegnn to quarrel about h" should have
the honor Of making the arrest. The>
>rc'ued to think thev hal captured 4 nnl-
tituIe If nen, ard detective, who's" head
was in condition t. multiply rapidly,
asked me how uany thc'- were Of me.
"Arro' ding To actual c6Int, said |,
there i nnr of me-
D,tertivr became indignant because ot
the dimnuivcnrSS Of thu booty, aud told
the other fellows they might have all the
credit, he Gid"'t want cents worth.
1hr procession m"vtd. In Ao'emn and
Serprntine. or. rather. rail f. ice fashion,
W. wendrd our say to camp. Oa Bour-
hon is famous for making crooked march
eS. About the most difficult thing in
the world to accomplish is to march de-
Gently with pint Of whisky that has u
man outside Of it who insists upon cling
ing to your arm as if it were a jug
handle. It's something | can't tolerate.
If there is one thing in the world | detcst,
it is more than another.
But We arrived here, and here am,
pining away in the White Oak Prison.
IN. B.-Confidential Joke.-Why does
! a man pine when he is in a prison made
Of white oak Don't publish this if
you do the President will have me exc
cuted for jealousy'S sake.
The fare upon which am compelled to
subsist is hardly as good as am used to,
but is great deal harder.
have large circle Of acquaintances in
the form of small black insects, some Of
which met years ago in the South
They have almost grown out Of my recol'
lection, but they have forcible way of
refreshing my memory. 1t will he cruel
for me to leave them, | know, but CON
Tess that [ hive had all the eniOYment