American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1865-06-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

Richmond has hal her spring and
fall simultaneously.
-" Gently the dews are DER me steal
ing" as the man said who had five bills
presented to him at one time.
"A - downeast" Yankee has invented
a rat exterminator, consisting of snuff
The animal jerks its head off at the third
sneeZe.
-Dobbs says he has one of the most
obedient boys ip the world. He tells him
to do as he pleases, and he does it with
out murmuring.
1t was pretty conceit of father
named Rose, who named his daughter
" Wild" so that she grew up as Wild
Rose" But the romance was sadly spoil
ed when she married a man by the name
of "Bull"
-" say, granny, is there anything
good in the papcr?"
What do you call good, ny child?'
"Oh, you Know; something jolly
about murder, or fire, or anything of
that sort"
=" Rrudder Bones, can you tell me de
difference tween dying and dieting p
i" Why, obcourse can, Samuel When
you diet you lib on nofin, and when you
die you hab nofiin to lib on"
" Well, dat's different from what tort
it was Il tort it was race tween de
doctor stuff and starvation, to see which
will kill fust"
AT large dinner party in a certain
city, lately, the frosty weather had done
considerable duty in supplying conversa
ton, when a plump, happy booking mar
ried lady made remark about cold feet.
" Surely said lady opposite, Mis-
YOU are not troubled with cold feet |-
Amidst an awful pause she naively an
swered, Yes, indeed | am very much
troubled but then they are not my own
Mr.. Rees, the well known street
preacher, was accosted by a would be
wag the other day with the following
question;
Do you believe what the Bible says
about the prodigal son and the fatted
calf ?"
" Certainly | do"
We'll can you tell me whether the
calf that was killed was male or fe-
male 2"
d" Yes, it was a female"
How do you know that ?"
" Because" said Rees, looking the
chap in the face, 4" | see the male is alive
now"
A TEMPERANCE LEoTuRE.-At an
Arbor, ben seized with sudden faint
ness, called fora drop Of suthin to drink.
As | was stirrin the beverage up, pale
faced man in gold spectacles, laid his
hand on my shoulder and sed-
g Look not upon the wine when it is
red r
SEE /, "This amt wine. This is Old
Ryew
:" II stingeth like an ade1er, and Jiteth
like a serpent" Sed the man.
4" guess not" sed / when you put
sugar inter it. That's the way alters
take mine
Lave yop sons grown up, sif?" the
man axed
g Wall, | replied, as put myself out
side my beverage, my son Artemus jun
Tor, is going on lS."
Amt you afraid if you set this ex-
ample b4 him he'll cum to bad end p
He's cum to waxed end already -
He's learnn the shoemakin biziniss,% l
replied Il guess we can both on us git
along without your assistance, sir" OBJ
serveds as he was about tc open his mouth
again,
This is cold world" sed the man.
That's so. But you'll git into a war;
mer one by and by, if you don't mind
your own biziniss better"
| was little riled at the feller, becaws
| never take anything only when I'm on.
we'll. | afterwards larned he was tenn
perance lecturer, and if he can injuee
men to stop sctln their innards on fire,
with the fr;ghtful Ticker which is retaied
around the country, shall heartily re-
joice.
Better give men Prusick AISLE at onct
than to pizen 'em to deth BY degrees
4rfesasls Ward r