Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1865-08-31
Mis&slIancous.
natural History OF Babies.


age. They are not confined TO any particu-
lar locality, but are found plentifully dis
trlbutcd over all parts Of the inhabited
countries. Their ages arc various and have
a wide range. I'VE have known them as
young as tis easy to calculate time on
watch dial, and then again we have seen
them where they have acquired the healthy
age OF 70, with a fair prospect Of advancing
still further to babyhood. Their weight de-
pends great deal upon their heft; but as
they have twenty-one years to grow in be-
fore it costs them anything, it don't matter
SO much how big they happen to be when
they commence.
Probably babies have more put names
than any other known article of their size.
In the the tender years of their life say the
first two, they are lovingly addressed by
such endearing names as Old Beautiful,
Sweetness, Honeycomb Him Darling, Pa
pas Hope, Old Blessed Mammals Joy,
Noble Andsome, supposed to be a contrac-
ton Of Old Handsome, and hundreds Of
other appel!ations which we never could
translate
For several years until they get old enough
to play out of doors and soil their faces,
their lives are one continuous game Of Co.
penhagen, everybody laboring under the de.
lusions that all babies are good for is to
kiss. consequently to see one is to kiss it.
We do not recollect of ever finding our
selves in the presence of a baby, but what
the fond mother would say to it, Now be
good little deary, and give the gentlman
nice, sweet kiss" OF course we accept
ed it, though kissing amt our forte. We
are naturally modest, and don't care to be
seen kissing anybody. We don't banker
after it as some Of our friends do. We are
willing to kiss a pretty girl occasionally for
her mothers sake, or even for her own ra-
ther than have any trouble. yet we think,
| if said pretty girl owed Us kiss, We should
much prefer TO have it remain on interest
to having it paid when it became due; We
should never presend our bill and demand
payment-not if we continued perfectly
sane We understand there are quite a
number of persons who differ from us in re-
gard to kissing; if so let them diff; we can
not stop to argue the point, as our subject
treats of babies.
The monotony Of babies lives are varied
by such little incidents as the attack of mea-
sles, mumps, or Group. and we would not
neglect TO speak Of cutting teeth. A baby
that has safely got though all these intan
tile troubles, is considered worth some sew.
enty-fve dollars more than one that has
them in prospect The diseases are, how
ever, easily treated, and in a case Of mea.
sles, all that is that is necessary is to have
them break out well, an to see to it, that it
don't strike in. With the mumps, Just
let them mump round day or two, and
they will come out all right, With the
ly goose ile'' and if applied in season
it. will soon lubricate the throat withou
much trouble Cutting teeth runs longe
than either of the other diseases, yet BY
timely investment of rubber ring and rattle
you get rid Of a doctors bill. When W,
were young we cut our teeth on silver dol
lar but as dollars are now made of paper
they won't stand the wear and tear of {
whole set Of teeth, and It's cheaper to in
vest in rubber ring.
Learning to walk and talk are two a
1 chicvements about which two much canno
be said. The walking is mere nothing com
dared to talking, yet it is more dangerous
and accidents often occur; still they acquire
the art with the necessary breaking of Somt
crockcry or furniture, which they frantical
| ly clutch aft in order to save fall Dur
drop in the house, or the least noise b.
made, but what mother will drop whatevc
she has and cry out, There goes Willie
what has he done now? and rush to tn
scene of action and find perhaps a flower
pot on the floor and Willie engage
in scattering its contents about the hoor
After clearing up the debris, mother re
turns to her work thanking her stars tha
it was only a choice verbena that was ru
ined and not Willie's neck.
The com ersation in the beginning is
little difficult to understand. They abbre
viate great deal, and throw aside all pre-
nouns as perfectly useless. Listening t
/ their talk is like attending an Italian Opera
one hears the noise but cannot understan
what it means. The first papa or mama
distinctly spoken is worth five dollars to ei
not only talk themselves but must be take
common sized tamilyis prodigious. Baby
old hands who have seen babies before
converse in the language quite fuently, bu
it is ludicrous to hear a new beginner ur
dertakc to master this difficult tongue. Talk
ing baby talk is an art which few ever a,
auire to perfection, though by constar
!, practice, the most stupid can partially a,
quire it, yet it takes two or three genera
tions of babies TO make perfect linguist
The effect baby produces on famil,
no matter how said family may be, is wor
dertul to behold. 1t completely turns tn
heads of all. If any particular one bt
hayes more insane, or is carried away NOR
than the rest, we think grandma will tax
off the palm, although pa, ma, grandpa
aunt, uncle, and long list Of cousins, ar
not counted out by no means. We thin
the mother acts the most sensible, thoug
even she has her failings and weak point j
regard to baby, and will occasionally exht
it trace of insanity while dilating upo
his charms and accomplishments.
The effect babies have on progression
selfevident. No one ever knew of
baby inferior to any other preceding bab!
On the contrary, each one is little in ac
vance of any yet born; and when We thin
of the vast number yet to be, and how eve
cry one will be a trife superior to its predc
7 cessor, what a glorious future awaits u
We shall eventually reach perfection
: How can those persons who believe thu
we retrograde instead of progress, reconci
the fact with their absurd theory.
Some people, little enthusiastic, loo
r upon a baby as thing of beauty and jc
0 forever. Now we have seen some who'
: we thought had liberal discount on the
beauty, and their joy forever would wants
1 on having it commence to cry and refuse
be comforted, when left in our charge, an
. we busily engaged in reading or writing
II must be comforting to man, no ma