The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1865-12-13
WHEEdNG NIORNING DEGENIBFR M 1898
a Fat CohfFIhntors.s E;x.nI,le.lrIelnce q ns

A Fat COhtrlhutoEss Experience rs a
ll4fSs39 o Lecturer. s..,ssl 'f3iiotl
a. NJ. Griswold, the 'tFat Contribu!
tor, )" who Is delivering his comic 'sIn-
JIM" lecture, "Hun-k n-ki;do-fi," }" in Ohio
has, furnished the, New York sunday
Mereltfg with his experience as iectn.
rer, MS follows; ta5 :
AllE tTHEsoRRows or ALRCTURER. o.
| ~ Fer the benefit Of q numerous selass
of ambitious men who aspire to becotne
popular lecturers, Iaend. you a few
items of my experience i went .tc
southern Illinois to get started AS d
lecturer. I told the hotel keeper that II
was my first effort In the lecture Tine
that did not care formoney If could
ouly get started. Iwas unfortunate on
that occasion either in my subject or in
lmy audience. 1, My subject was 'aThe
urgent necessity forthe Immediate revi.
val and thorough reorganization OF the
known9thing party" My audiencf
was all Irish, I got started. "1lI 4
Being advertised by the n6n=de.
plume of the "Fat Contributor,N my
audience is sometimes disappointed IN
the size of the lecturer. Such was The
case in q town i visited in sAfinnesotl
last summer. My audience was smdll
owing to the public being suddenly and
severely posed-they were indfs'
| posed to come to the lecture. MY audi.
ence, in fact, consisted of but one peo-
pie. He was n gentleman. 1 IbegahlnS
| discourse. "Gentlemen, and ladies,
but changed it quickly ito tsRespected
Sir" Before I could proceed ans
further my audience rose indignantlJ
to ~. It's feet, ns9 one man. snaiig,
| i inquired the cause Of the intetrup.
ton. - 2. -JiF isaliil - l1'f -l2lT' lll2I.S
Sir, said he, ''the audience is disap.
pointed in the size of the lecturer.'
Jewell, my dear sir, !" said L, 1.-THE. lee,
turer is sdisappOinted'in the size of the
audience, and If you will not say any.
thing about size, 1 WON'T" - Z, -
He allowed me to- proceedJ and at the
conclusion was so well pleased that he
urged me to stay. another night, when
he promised me much larger audience
| He could not come himself, but would
send his wife, who weighed twice as
much us he did. didn't stay. "'-'d
have had n good deal of money in
my house at one time and another
| generally In the pockets ofSome wealthy
man in the audience. i always come
home with money however; borrow a
| little to come home with. 10 aVi
have had some large houses. BE-, The
largest was at Louisville, Ky. That
house must have been two hundred
feet long, ninety feet wide, while in
Il
the receipts to pay rent. < Louisville
editor said good thing about me.Io He
said: "The Eat Contributor leetured
last night to a small house. His STYLE
resembles Artemus Wards, but he has
not the ease and grace of Artemus be:
fore an audience" AS thoughla ilec-
turer could be atease before an AUDIENCE
when the audiencewouldn't pay expen-
ses.' As grace accompanies meat, and
there wasn't profit enough in the house
to buy meat, where's your grace?
He said, in conclusion, that 1 would
improve with practice, if had capital
enoughltO' continue to practice. And
| this in Hhe face of the acknowledged
fact that had capital lecture. ~
The fullest house 1 have had was at
Pithole City, in the Oil Regions Ey-
cry man who came was full of!beer.
The lecture went off well, notwith-
standing. 1t didn't go off as well as
my door-keeper did-he went ofFiwith
the receipts. eis.l x
I gave two consecutive lectures Mt
Oil City. At the conclusion of the sec
ond lecture, one of the first citizens
lthey econd citizens bad not yet arrived)
arose and assured me that had de-
lighted them greatly. He said they
hadn't enjoyed themselves + so much
since the Thayers were hung. He add
ed that it was the request of the audi
ence en- mnsse-there were five en- mas
ses altogether-tbat should stay m.
other night. The landlord Of the inn
| where was, stopping arose somewhat
hastily, and stated that couldn't stay
\ another night with him unless my bill
was secured. Such is oftentimes the
1 encouragement that genius receives al
the hands of the merCenary.
4 u "A little town on the Allegheny turn.
ed ont well. The principal occupation
of the ,inhabitants was to haul oil
That, being the only haul they had;
| lectured in grocery. The peopleturn
ed out in the most unexpected manner
they turned out the lghts-then they
turned out the 1ecturer-beeause HI
wasn't fat enough. They offered mn
twenty minutes to leave town, I told
them The i they'd make 1t twenty dollars ig
Il dr..Af the termination of the twenty min
utes I felt Something come against M
/ very rapid ~, from behind. My first i'm
preston was that 1t was an old-fash
ioned leather valise. Subsequent re
Election has convinced me that 1t was
boot, i shook hands with them all witt
much feeling. 1 told them they mus
teXcuse- me, for felt that hadG got 4
60! Leaving somewhat hastily, I caugh
the sound of cherub voices in that gro
Gerry, singing in tones Of the most pa
thetic inquiry ~ -
.'shall we never more behold thee, .i
never near thnt winning voice RgRtn? q?
IL yelled back that they wouldn't-not
I could help it. That "winning voice.
didn't seem to win in that neighbor
hood. e'' ikl
a friend advised meto go twice to tn
same place. He said, although IImigh
only make expenses the first time, tn
next it would be different. 1t was, d
be sure; only paid expenses the frs
, time, yet the second time didn't.
have tried many agents. They prove,
unsatisfactory with one exception. n
never alluded to money but once. SAT-
he to me Ope day W--.''ab
"You don't care for money do you 2
-EssN6 indeed - said I.
, j"Irthoughti not. !" said he, tsI neve
Il SaHryou haVe q, cRntp 20
Ihumor him in those harmless littl
flights of wit, You may hear from m
lagain, Timely, -
49, PLAT CoNTRIRUToR.
-..5---. Cool.
Nextto innocence is an assumption q
, it, which may go far to deceive unsul
Ipecting readers. The London, Time
of d recent date, in an article on tn
Fenian organization, blandly forgetfu
!. of Southern IndeP ePendenee Associations
Alabamas, and the like, says: .-
1