The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-09-05
r From Houn at Home for July.
Shirts, and How TO Make them Fit.

supervision of q set OF tho aforesaid
garments, including, Of course, their
wearer. 1t was the height Of young
ambition that the man should be cx-
acay fitted, by his. shirts, concerning
which he began to make complaints
Just one moon after took him in charge.
= s..What is the, matter with them ?" ]
meekly inquired. . :.
There isn't single one that fits me-"
Totally unsuspicious of the inherent
wickedness Of the article conc erned, l
fiattered myselfthat the d fficulty would
be easily remcdied. So ! nipped here
and basted there, pulled up this shoul-
der and pulled down that, till | thought
| had got it. u
Mistaken mortal it would not fit
made another series of experiments
with equally futile results. Then con,
suited one or two friends and felt sure
| had discovered where the shoe-l
mean the shirt--pinched. | applied a
cure, but the thing wasn't cured
Next l employed Tailor to try his skill
Not whit better. The man was get
ting-and was getting desperate.
AS my dcrnier resort, summoned a
council of women, and went into COM
mittee of the whole. For hours we ex-
pended our united wits on n single
shirt, of subiecting the luckless owner
to successive trials of the garment.
"Don't that now fit your need exact.
! ly," asked the head of the conspiracy,
as for the fortieth time we gathered
around our poor Victim ,a,, ','. =,
"Why yes" with charming smile
of relief, and twisting his head about
experimentally; "really, / cannot sug-
gest any improvement" 'a'-
ooh, be joyful!" exclaimed /, clap
ping nay hands. 1H $50 lailr rsgol
"Supposo," said one of the wise
women, looking at me over her glasses
as if some important idea had struck
her, "suppose we cut out q new shirt
or the improved plan, aud if that suits,
take pattern from it. J.,' :
"Agreed," cried /, quite .mbilant, and
ran to a chest for the cotton. ~
So we cut, basted and tried on---sew-
cd and tried op-starched, Soned and
tried on. 2 r,i,eo 3. aos.,.
Capital" affirmed our representa-
tive of the 1ordly sex. "Not thread
amiss. 1t is the' &rst time inmy life
that a shirt has exactly fitted me-" n
AS a grateful memorial made up
six new. ones after that Identical pat
tern. We entered on our triuInphant
epoch. ."'. -, '.', 'fr
Woe worth the day! Must / own
that before forty-cight hours had pass
ed that [" eraet!y ftisd' individual called
me aside, and pointed with cruel sig
nifcance to his neck.
81 am very sorry" with the blandest
air in the world. / suppose your mis-
take came from your great desire to
choke me-"
"Mistakc choke you'll" echoed l,
convulsivcly, little tempted to try the
latter. i 8 bur II
"Don't be troubled Itrequires only
a slight alteration--a trihe cut out OF
the binding, that is all. You see it's
rather large" - A't 'Hep
"Why couldn't no have found it ont
before ?--to myself Thenaloud, with
great dignity: "Tell mo preeis''y how
much to cut out'"',;, -. -.
! "Well / should say just an inch"
"Jiist about an inch,"' y muttercd sar.
castically, adding with sudden burst
Of Indignation, g believe the mischief
is all in your neck, Which dilates and
contracts on purpose to torment me-
! lie smiled Kindly Gu my wrathfnl
tears, and I-well, when tho shirt was
'rougb dry" ! dutifully cut out the inch
basted on the binding, and tr tried it On J.
again. i;a~,l
"That is just what it wanted; il. does
very nicely now, you see" working his
chin up and down. 80
"Yes, see. / did before"
s'Practic makes perfect, and this time
you hit the nail on the head"
When the change was completed he
once more tried on the shirt, and equiv.
ecally assured me that cit fitted to T.
\ So made the same alteration in the
other five, and sat down to take bit
of comfort. ~ gs..i.. f,.'..,,. ~.
Can YOU imagine what next happened
In the course Of 4 fortnight the man
gave me IN invitation to ride with him,
which / was only to happy to accept
How extremely gracious and agreeable
he was coming From one thing to
another lac led the conversation, til
finally he approached the old hatefa
. topic (he had on one of his new shirts.
ttsI don't mind my vexation," remark
ed / innoeently, "now that yonr are al
last suited.' ''l ''A't'as1c
i"Theen, supposing the matter forever
at rest, | turned to a plcasanter subject
But coming back to-the shirts agaln!
his face assumed such a deprecating
look that i exclaimed in alarm: s.H
"Nothing ails them now, ! hope 2"
"Onfy very little thing and easily
altered. In your fear Of getting then
too large, they are . triic to sniall--on
Iv a tr;f,c.n - 1eIgn 0os. .m hevn siii
MY heart swelled, but I uttered no.
word, ''A '''si''i'' in,
When we reached home, I made hin
measure off on his forcfinger exactly
how much he wished inserted. The
shirt he had on happened to be the
identical one Ihad first altered. / wa
fortunate enough to discover in m,
ork-baskct the very piece / had Gu
E out, and was malicious enough to cx
, act measure Of the addition wanted
: So sewcd it in again, repeating tt
myself all the while, "Oh the crochety
, ness Of man !" .'''" -
VIII you believe me, when ] whisp
!. crit confdehtialIy, that after all this