Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1865-01-07
CoNsTITUTIoNALLY BAsHFUL.
An AMUSING STORY.

another great genius, stunned notOriety, and
had for his nom de plume, Anonymous.
NY mother tells me that when an infant /
had the ridiculous habit of turning over on
my face in the cradle when there was csmpa-
ny and if the visitors happened to be ladies,
/ turned red in the cheeks and purple about
the eyes, to such an alarming degree as could
not fail of exciting wonder and awe in the
heart of the most Indifferent beholder.
remember that when child of three or
four years, used to take refuge behind the
great eight-day clock whenever my mother
had callers; and once came near being
frozen to death in the refrigerator, where |
had enscOnced myself on the appearance of
couple OF lady visitors.
Throughout my bOyhood it was the same,
only decidedly more so. Ny debut at school
was like an entrance into the ancient halls of
torture.
The austere schoolmasteT, with his dread
insignia of birchen rod, steel-bOwed specta-
Giles and swallow tailed coat, was bad enough;
the grinning, mischief-lOying, and at times
belligerent boys were worse. But the girls !
Heavens / feared them more than any sus
pected criminal of old did the terrible COun-
ell of Ten! AL on earth they seemed to find
to do was u ssiggle at me OF course | was
the object of their sport; for they peeped at
me over the tops of their books, from behind
their pocket handkerchiefs, through the in
terstices of their curls-and made me hope
lessly wretched by clubbing me apron
string"
The third day of my attendance at school
was stormy, and my home being at some dis
lance, was obliged to remain, with most of
the others, through the noon intermission-
The little girls got 10 playing at pawns.
retreated to a corner near the door, and stood
a silent and not unterrifed spectator.
By and by cherry-lipped little girl had to
pay a forfeit and one of her schOOl-mates
pronounced the sentence in aloud voice,
g Kiss Apren-string Sunderland"
That meant me. There was a wild scream
of laughter, in which all joined, and took
inglOriously to flight, with the Cherry-lips
close at my heels. | strained every nerve
and sinew-it was a matter of life and death
to me-and have no doubt but that l should
have won the race in fine style, if had not
unfortunately, in my blind haste, run against
Miss Patty Hanson, the primmest and most
i'll tempered spinster in Hallsweu.
Nv momentum was such that knocked Miss
Patty from terra .fTnia, very much as the sue
cessful ball knocks down the nine-pins; and
from the debris of the wreck consisting OF a
fractured umbrella, torn calico gown, anda
fearfully dislOcated bonnet-Miss Hanson rose
up-a Nemesisl And such thrashing as |
received at her hands, would have made the
blacklist villain out of purgatory confess his
sins without prevaricatiOn
had heard my mother say that no one died
till their time had come aud | felt satisfied
that my time had come. Ivainly endeavored
20 repeat,
"Now lay me down to sleep 20
as both fitting and appropriate to the occa-
sion, but Miss Patty thumped the words out
of me to the tune of the Umbrella Quick
step, in staccatO.
Little Cherry-lips came nobIy to the res
e.
"FOr shame Miss Hanson" she cried, 'to
beat a little boy at such a rate 1t won't
mend your umbrella, or straighten your ca
lash! And the perspiration is washing the
paint all out of your cheeks !"
My enemy left me TO fly at my defender,
whose name was Florence Hay. But Flor
ence was a little too agile for the old lady,
whom she speedily distanced, while made
good my escape into the sheltering foliage
of an apple tree, where, securely perched ON
a strong limb, / remained until school was
out, and the girls had all gone home.
After time, at my urgent entreaties, my
parents removed me from the village school
and placed me at an institute for boys. / had
thought previously to the change, that
should be perfectly happy when it was effect
ed; but l had somehow, misealculated.
missed the bewitching faces of the girls had
fed from, and, for the first time in my life,
realized that the world would be a terribly
humdrum sort of place if there were moth
ing but men here.
10 confess the plain truth, had discover
ed that in spite of my bashfulness, loved
every single girl had ever seen-nOt even
excepting good black Bess in my mothers
kitchen, who concocted such admirable turn
overs and seed cakes. But at that time, soon
er than. have acknowledged such a weakness,
/ would have been brOiled alive!
As grew toward manhood, NV bashfulness
got no better. It was confirmed; il had be
come a chronic disease, as irremediable as
the rheumatism, and a thousand times more
distressing.
was frequently invited to cuttings, apple
parings, huskings, ETC.; but never dared to
go lest / should be expected to have some
thing to say to some of the feminine portion
of the company.
If my mother sent me on any errand to a
house where there are girls, | used to stand a
half hour on the doOr-steps waiting to rap
and if one of the aforesaid girls, happened to
difficulty that / could restrain myself from
taking refuge in fight. And after had got
in, and made known my business, knew no
more what was told in return than we know
why the comet of last summer had a curved
train.
At church, 1 habitualIy sat with averted
face, and cut my finger nails; in fact had
performed that operation for those digital Or
naments so often that there was very little
LETT of them to practice upon. / most de-
voutly wished that it had been so that folks
could have been created with knitting work
or something of the kind, in the r hands--it
would have been so nice when one ,.on's know
what to do with his upper extremiles.
As for my feet, though not remarkably
large, they were constantly in the way. 7
have often seen the time when would have
given all the world, had it been mine TO give,
if could have taken them off and consigned
them to obscurity in my pocket. asaU
One eVentful day my mother took il into
her head TO have quilting. Early in the
afternoon / retired to the garnet, as the most
isolated spot could think of, and ensconsed
myself in bed. All the girls in the neighbor-
hood were invited, and | would sooner have
faced flaming line of armed batteries.
Such gay, joyous time as they had of il,
Judging from the sound of merriment that &C.
casiOnally fioated up to my retreat. / lOnged
TO be q witness of the frolic l knew they
were enjoying but could not summon reso-
luton enough to venture from my conceal
ment; and so / wound the sheets around my
head to shut out the gay peaIs of laughter,
and tried to think myself highly satisfied with