Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1865-04-01
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QDblq Statesman. ! a
John Waggoner's Recrait.

that make other men drunk, never met
any man like me. The vicious monarch
the Temperance Societyis opposed to, has
no terrors for John Waggoner. ! presume
you may have heard OF that fire-eating
Southern chap---whatp was his name p
who used to boast in Washington before
the war that he twas born insensible to
fear.". He must have been an awful BOBBY,
if he didn't tell fib-that's my opinion Of
him. Whether was "born insensible" to
fear Of king Alchy, the serpent" don't
Just remember. At any rate it's a fact that
liquor can't fuddle me bit-nota bit. But
bless your heart, that never thought a
Dragging matter. rvegot swill tub down
at the farm that will hold more liquor than
any man ever saw. .....f .,jt.. ,...4 .s,.tt
When was in the army / was teeto-.
taller in principle Every man has his own
bit of influence in this world, and l never
gave any comrade Of mine chance TO say
that he drank because John Waggoner
drank. don't believe whisky makes a
soldier brave, even though it may make him
himself-thats my experience. He don't
go to war to be killed, he goes to fight.
Give the enemy fits, and look out for Num-
ber One all the same, is my motto.
If don't hate mean man am not ac-'
quainted with my Ownsentiments. Since L
was a boyit has always been a source of
pleasure to kick mean man-morally or,
observation-disclosures the good Lord sent
me favorable opportunity. I've seen
many mean men in my day. have seen a
man who was so mean that. he abused his
wife till she got divorced from him, and,
then tried to get her to be his mistress.
But in my. humble opinion-I've been a
soldier, sir, and faced my country's foes un-
der fire--there's no meaner style of man
living than the fellow who tries to make
dirty money by dealing in substitutes.
read the papers pretty carefully, and
don't skip the advertisements. have got
deal of good out Of advertisements at
different times. Last week read an adj
vertisement of substitute broker named
Miggs, in the city. Plenty of others like
him there were, to be sure; but my way of
dealing with swindler is to pick out one
of the swindlers and give him handling.
picked out Miggs, and went to town to
see what the prospect might be for hand
ling him. ~ o.
The first man met was Joe Smith, and
told him I'd got a little job to do, and
wanted his help. Joe knows me. %.
"A'l right" says he. "What is it, John ?"
"Do you know chap named Miggs?"
"Substitute swindler?" says he.
"Yes; G. Il. Miggs ?" '# -.' ar
"Guess do! He's been trying to get me
to sell myself to him cheap" - ..,a
"For subj"
"Yes." ...........
"You don't say!- Come, this is Just the
talk Find me Miggs, will you? Pm a
substitnte!'; r.5 -. .s '...fJ..-. .
"Poh! You amt going to let any of
those dirty sharks gobble you up and make
hundred dollars out OF you, are you,
John ?" -.t- ~ f'sf..e y =
'He won't make more than that out of
me, anyhow. All ask of you is to set him
on. Tell him to get me drunk, and am
his man. will be!'
''Oh, 1 see! John, you are good egg.
Here's my hand"
He went straight off, and waited on the
corner for him. Pretty soon he came back
with Miggs-a lean chap with sore eyes
and terrible voice. He was dressed in a
shiny broadcloth suit and wore blue vest
with regulation buttons l could have
knocked him down for that. 9 .s.'.
"Mr. Miggs," said Joe, '.let me introduce
my friend John Waggoner from the coun-
Miggs. Mr.. Miggs knows the city like a
book, John. He'll take care of you. Come
round to my house tomorrow and I'll be
more at leisure than | am to-day ia.l +.
Joe went off, and left Miggs and l stand
ing on the corner. "You're my game,
country?" "Oh, am II" thought I; but
looked peaceful. "h' i">rf' f
"Smiths good fellow, amt hep" piped
Miggs. '-'~
"Yes," said 1, she's well enough, but he's
too darned particular for me. He don't
never drink with a feller, and if there is
anything like it is not tea" q,
"He he! her squeaked the sore-eyed
substitute broker, ''that is a good one. But
eh say let us have something." -,g.-.
Broker had got his cue at once. He was
going to get me drunk as fast as possible.
No doubt his time was precious.
We drank. Broker took very light nip
noticed. / let him do it--that time. .nN
warmed up with my liquor wonderful
| quick, you understand; and as we went off
right into another saloon and drank again,
took Miggs' glass, when he had dribbed a
little whisky into it, and said:
"Look here. That amt the way you
drink with your friends, is it, Miggs, old
| chap (? "a Here, let me fill her up for YOU"
And I filled her up, and watched Miggs
drink her, too. He tried to laugh it of, but
he made wry face over her.
.'What do you think about the war, Mr..
Waggoner ?" said Miggs, after that. He
was for getting on to business. Eua
"War is big thing on ice" said I, "big
thing Come up and take something."I
poured out for Miggs, who began to eye
me anxiously. To encourage him, said |:
'Miggs-hic !-old boy, believe can lick
JEFF. Davis or any other man; believe you
and could, anyhow" lr,.l...,..-..',.
''Of course you could" said Miggs, who
began to feel perceptibly better. 81 tell
you what Waggoner, Ihave notion to
enlist myself" ..:i is,..,.,. .s, d,
"Bully for you ~ said I. "Come up and
drink" . ...,.,, ..t,-f. f,.-..,.s "a
Miggs made very wry face again as I
poured out his gin, but he had to drink it.
After which he grew decidedly unsteady
on his legs. r.,i. 5.l 4'l
"Say, Mg-hic !-iggs," said l. ''if you
will list for a Major General, I'll list for a
-hic high private. What say?"
"Do it," said Miggs, and he hiccoughed
in earnest. ''Do iti Recruiting Office right
cross the way here. Come overw "a,
"Let's drink first, said 1 4; and that one
did the business. Miggs was as drunk as
fool. / took him over to the recruiting
office and enlisted him in Uncle Abraham's
army. -t''
i can testify that there is one mighty
mean man wearing the army blue, and that
man is John Waggoner's recruit. MON gfW
How (airav.tf- VReeanae Rich.