The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1865-09-30
yARIET Y.

We come nearest TO looking into the future when
We look into the past
Artists may not be guilty Of direct fasehoods, but
they give things "A colorlns.
Sally, what time do your folks dine 2" Z" As
soon you goes away. sir; them 3 missuses orders
IL you and your sweetheart vote upon the marriage
question one for and against, It won't be tie.
Parents.r said a solemn lecturer. you may
have chIIdren IL not, your daughters may have
IL il said that n - down east" merchant, having
nm individual pointed out him Massachusetts,
man with u brick in his hat took out warrant
and arrested him n real estate peddler trying to
sell a house by sample
..Harry YOU ought to be ashamed TO throw away
bread like that. You may want it some day.
Well. mother would stand any better chance Of
getting il then. should eat it up now -
We see IL recorded that soap pedder was recently
caught nj sea during a violent storm when he saved
his life by taking q cake Of his soap and washing
himself ashore. The soap, or the story, must have
been made from strong lie.
"Ike,'' said Mrs. Partington. " How DO you find
out the distance between the earth and sun ?'
"Oh" said the young hopeful. :" they calculate a
quarter of the distance and then multiply by four
A bashfui youth lamentiug to his paternal
progenitor the ordeal OF popping the aues.lon; ani
MANAGED 90 - Oh, you married mother, and I've
got to marry strange gal -
The language of flowers is thus translated by
exchange The llac in April" Give me leave"
The rose IN june Well I'm bowed' The aspar-
agus in July. Cut and come again Peas III
August" Shell OUT The apple tree in Septem-
ber-. Go it, my pippins." The cabbage In Decem-
her" My hearts my own
In the midst OF a stormy discussion, gentleman
rise TO settle the matter in dispute. Waving his
hands naiestically the excited disputants, he
began =" Gentlemen, all want Is common sense
''ExactIy.' Jerrod interrupted. - that IL precisely
what you do want - The discussion was iost IN
burst of laughter
He that loses his conscience has nothing left that
IL worth keeping. Therefore be sure you look to
that. And in the next place look to your health,
and IL you have praise Goi and value II next TO
GOOD conscience health ia the second blessing that
We capable of, blessing that money can
not buy; therefore value it aud be thankful for IT.
In the days when Connecticut engaged in
breeding mules she Southern market. one MORN
ing Tracy, who was shrewd Yankee Us eEer
whitfield "A shiugle sold clock, stood with q South
Carolinian the steps Of the Capitol when drove
OF mules passed by their Southern journey
.Traey,' said the CarOIinian, there goes a CON-
pauy Of your constituents
=. Yes the dry retort. . they are Doubtless
going 10 South Carolina TO teach school,
MARVELLOUS CASE OF UNRAvELISG A man named
Douglass who frequently sips from the ' flowing
bow :" came home late night. little more than
half seas over. aI.l feeling thirsty, procured a
glass of water and drank II. 10 doing 50 he swal-
lowed small ball Of silk that lay in the bottom of
the tuulser the end catching IN mis- teeth. Feeling
something in his mouth, aud not knowing what 1t
was he began pulling the end, and the little ball
unroIing had several feet Ill his hands. and
still no end apparently. Terrified he shouted at the
TOP of his voice Wife wife say, wife, come
here am all unraveling"" ="
CIsCU1isTAxCEs ALTER CAsEs.-Pat Casey made a
big strike IN Colorado, and Immediately began TO call
himself Patrick d. Casey. aisquire" An old ac-
ouaintance came along and, :. How ye, Pa; -
was the saIutation, in the old familiar way.
Pat was rich now, and '' couldn't see it,, and this
his reply:
Bedai, cir, yer mighty fray, sir Pat Is II
now, I'll be afther leJtn We know sir, that me
name Is p D. Casey. sir, and If ye've Ony business
sir it's mysel has office IN Central, sir and me
Office hours are from p. NJ in the forenoon till a. VI
IN the afternoon. s!r. lie can call on me clerks, SIT
Dye mind that = -
BEAUTIFUL ASswERs.-A pupil OF Abbe Sicorc
gave the following extraordinary answers:
- What is gratItude|.
Gratitude is the memory OF the heart
80 What IS hOpe?"
a. Hope IS the blossom Of happiness"
- What Is the difference between hope and desire ??
" Desire is 4 tree in leaf, hope Is u tree IN flower
and enjoyment is a tree in fruit
- What is eteruity!''
- A day without yesterday or to-morrow-a lin
that has end
What Is time 80
a. y line that has enis-a path which begin
at the cradle and ends in the tomb
'' What Is God -
''The necessary being, the Of eternity. tn
merchant Of nature, the eye Of justice, the watch
maker Of the universe, the soul OF the world
- Does God reason -
a. Man reasons, because he doubts he deliberate
he decides God l. omnseient He never doubt
He therefore reasons"
* ss.AgTzse -, - rssVNEH 3.