Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1865-03-30
0Rlo StatssnaalI,
Unhappy NIarrIed People.

That the course of true love, before mar
riage, never runs smooth, is q truth well
known; but it seems to be less generally
understood, that the course OF true love,
after marriage, is equally liable to pertur-
bations. One reason of this, perhaps Is,
that literature has treated the, sorrows
of lovers seriously, while the troubles of
married life have been the theme of satirists
and humorists. A strange proceeding. this
on the part of literature: since the per-
plexities of lovers are generally brief and
trivial, and married differences are frequent-
ly terrible and blasting.iGHl sr s1ftt-.s -,
Our habit of publicly answering cores
pondents has caused thousands of troubled
hearts to open to us the sad details OF. do
mestic misery, impaired to no one else.
Wives and husbands tell US how ardently
they loved, what happiness they expected,
how cruelty they have been disenchanted
and disappointed. The future, that was
bright with promise q little while ago, Is
now so black and threatening, that they see
before them no prospect except to spend a
life of repining and despair. They love one
another still, and as warmly as ever they
did, and yet they are miserable. 1t Is to
such as these that we venture, on the pres
ent occasion, to address few observations.
And first, we may remark, for their com
fort, that their case is not singular, but COM
mon, and, perhaps, universal. 1t happens
seldom that two human beings are so ex-
quisitely adapted to one another, by nature
and education, that they can acquire the
art of living happily together, without both
being compelled to make painful sacrifices
of habit, taste, and feeling. After the glow
and delusion of the honey moon are passed
'ach has to learn that the other has faults
which were not perceived before; each has
to discover that the other is fallible and
limited human being-not an angel, not
hero, not a saint. Each has acquired in
their previous course through life, bundle
If those sustinate things called habits, some
OF which are sure to seem unreasonable and
unwise, and none of which can be laid aside
without an effort. Each has formed strong
attachments, and perhaps strong opinions.
The habits conflict, the opinions clash, and
unless each OF the mated two cherish the
true spirit of friendly compromise, unhap-
piness is certain to follow quick upon the
tumultuous joy OF the espousal.
Generally, this spirit of mutual conces-
sion is not acquired Immediately. The art of
living together justly and joyously is one
which is intrinsically difficult, and upon
which the appointed teachers of men throw
little light. If tenth part Of the genius
and toll which have been wasted upon
questions of metaphysics, had been expen-
the human temper, we should by this time,
probably, have reached important anddef-
mite principles, the knowledge of which
would greatly smooth the path that leads
to solve the great problem unassisted, and
to learn the secret after many months or
years of experience, more or less bitter ac-
cording as our natures are more or less
reasonable. ... ..,.
One error, we find, is cherished by nearly
all unhappy married people: namely, each
thinks that the fault is all on the other side.
The husband takes it for granted that all
would be well with them if only his acife
were little different from what She is, and
the wife feels sure that perfect happiness o
would be the instantaneous result if only
that husband of hers was not quite unrea- 3.
sonable. In almost all cases this opinion Is
erroneous. There cannot be quarrel un-
less both are in fault. There cann0tbe per-
maneht estrangement without grieYous
fault on both sides. Ii one is exacting, the
other is too yielding. If in one there Is
lack of constituencies, there is in the
other a want of firmness. 4e !
AS general rule, the husband holds In =
his hands the happiness of all his house,
hold-his own, his wife's, their children.
There is scarcely one woman in a thousand
who will not at length become just, con-t
ciliatory and kind, if her husband is firm,
just and tender. When man has attained
self, control, he has acquired supremacy
over all who are still the slaves of caprice
and i'll temper. A woman has many causes
of irritability that are unknown to men.
She cannot be forgiven too much; there is
no degree of charity and tenderness to
which her character, her sufferings, and
her Importance do not entitle her.
The first step toward the harmonizing of
a discordant pair, is for one OF them to as
certain the true state of the case and to
cease everything like recrimination. The
man ought to do this; and if he does it,
happiness is almost sure to revisit the dis
tracted house. The woman is less potent,
but there are many miserable houses which
could be restored to peace if the wife could
acquire certain degree of forbearance p
md equanimity. One of them, however,
must undertake the task; and it viii invari-
ably be that one which has thelargest soul,
md generally the one that has the most to
forgive. 80 81 rgtr 81