Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1865-09-26
WIT AND HUMoR.

A polite people--the people of the South they
are continually asking pardon.-Boston Post.
Somebody says the oldest husbandry he knows
of is the marrying of q widower in clover with a
widow in weeds.
A gentleman, walking with two ladies, stepped
on d hogshead hoop, that flew up and struck him
in the face ''Good gracious? :" said he, (which
of you dropped thats"
The Princess Metternich ore black tulle
bonnet trimmed with hearts ease, to the Paris
races. 1t is supposed she had other clothes on,
but they are not mentioned.
"Man proposes, but God disposes," said a pious
aunt to her over-confdent niece.
"Let man propose to me, if he dare, +" was
the response, ''and will dispose of him accord
ing to my own views, as he suits me-
s'That was horrible affair."" said a gentleman
in company, s'the murder of Dean, and the seal
ing up of his remains in a tin box p 'sWhat
Dean :" asked half dozen voices at once. sSar
Dean, replied the wag,
little boy who put counterfeit money in the
contribution box, replied to his Sunday school
teacher, that he sdidnt spose the little heathens
would know the difference and he thought it
would be just good for them" Thoughtful
boy.
married man who was out at whist party,
when he proposed going home, was urged to stay
little longer.
swell, he replied, ''perhaps may as we'll,
my wife probably is already as mad as she can
be,''
Sterne, who used his wife very i'll, was one day
talking to Garrick in fine, sentimental manner,
in praise of conjugal love and fidelity. sThe hus-
band" said sterne, 'Who behaves unkindly to his
wife, deserves to have his house burnt over his
head" eff you think So" said Garrick, 81 hope
your house is insured
gentleman at the Astor House table, New
York, asked the person sitting next to him if he
would please pass the mustard.
'1sir," said the man, edo you mistake me for a
waiter?a
''oh, no, sir,'' was the reply, II mistook you
for gentleman"
Isay, old fellow, what are your politics 2" said
one friend quizzing another.
Democratic, my father was a democrat" he
replied
s'And what is your religion 2" continued the
other.
protestant, my father was Protestant" was
the answer.
"And why are you bachelors" said the
other.
because my father was a-oh, confound it !
don't bother me with your stupid questions"
GOOD SToRY.-Ihe following amusing story
is told of Governor George NJ Bibb, Secretary of
the Treasury under John Tyler, and an inyeterate
fisherman:
One day. early in the morning, he planted him
self on a wharf for quiet day Of sporting At
noon a friend passed by and asked him about his
luck. 81 hain't had bite," replied the Govern
nor ssfsh are scarce" At SHUTDOWN another friend
passed by, and seeing handsome yellow frog
crouching by the side of the Governor, and evil
IDENTIFY enjoying the scenery, suddenly exclaimed.
whats that ?' stThat," said the Governor,
with look of horror, sis my bate. and the id
thing has been squatting there ] suppose, ever
since o'clock this morning"
Washington Irving one day playfully asserted
that the love of anne xation with the Anglo-Saxon
race displayed on every occasion, proceeded prob
ably from its auvaise homie rather than its greedi-
ness. As proof, he cited the story of a bashfu
friend of his, who being asked to dinner party,
sat down to the table next to the hostess in great
state of excitement, owing to his recluse in life
A few glasses of wine mounting to his brain, com
pleted his confusion, and dissipated the small re-
mains Of his presence of mind. Casting his eyes
down he saw on his lap some white linen. "My
heavens p thought he, 'sthats my shirt protuding
at my waistband."
He Immediately commenced to tuck in the Of
Tending portion of his dross but the more he
tucked in, the more there seemed to remain. At
last he made desperate effort, when a sudden
crash around him and scream from the company,
brought him to his senses. He had been all this
time stufing the table cloth into his breeches, and
the last time had swept everything clean off the
table. Thus our friend annexed table-cloth
thinking it his own shirt.