The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-08-09
Natural History Of Babies.

Natural History Of Babies.
Babies are of two kinds, male and female,
and are usually put up in packages Of one,
though sometimes two, in which case they
are called twins, when nearly Of the sauna
age. They are not confined to any pafticu-
lar locality, but are found plentifully die.
tributed over all parts Of the inhabited
countries. Their ages arc various and have
a wide range. We have known them a.
young as it's easy to calculate time on .
watch dial, and then again We have seen
them where they have acquired the healthy
age of twenty five, with fair prospect Of
advancing still further to babyhood. Their
weight depends a great deal on their heft !;
but as they have twenty one years to grow
in before it costs them anything, it don't
matter SO much how big they happen to ba
when they commence.
Probably babies have more pet names
! than any other article of their size. In tho
tender years of their life, say the first two,
they are lovingly addressed by such endear-
ing names as Old Beautiful, Sweetness,
Honeycome, Him Papa's Darling Hope,
Old Blessed, Mamma'sJoy, Noble Andsome,
supposed to be contraction of Old Hand
some, and hundreds of other appellations
which we never could translate. A
For several years, until they get old
enough to play out of doors and soil their
faces, their lives are one long continuous
game of Copenhagen, every one laboring
under the delusion that all babies are good
for is to kiss, consequently to see one is to
kiss it. We cannot recollect of ever 6nd-
ing ourself in the presence Of baby, but
what the fond mother would say to it,
Snow be good little deary and give gen.
tleman a nice sweet kiss" OF course we
accepted it, though kissing amt our forte.
We are naturally modest and don't care to
be seen kissing any body. Wedon't banker
after it as some Of our friends do. We are
willing to kiss pretty girl occasionally Cor
her mothers sake or even for her own,
rather than have any trouble, yet we think,
if said pretty girl owed US kiss, We should
much prefer to have it remain on interest
to having it paid when it became due; we
should never present our bill and demand
payment-not If we continued perfectly
sane. We understand that there are quite
a number Of persons who differ from US in
regard to kissing; if so, let them differ, We
cannot stop to argue the point, as our sub,
jcct treats Of babies. .E-H s
The monotony Of babies lives, is varied
by such little incidents as an attack of the
measles. mumps, or Group, and we would
not neglect to speak Of cutting teeth. A
baby that has got safely through all these
infantile troubles, is considered worth some
seventy. five dollars more than one who has
them in prospect. The diseases are, how
ever, easily treated, and in case Of the mea.
sles all that is necessary is to have them
"break out" well, and see to it that they
don't "strike in." With the numps, Just
let them ''mump' around day or two and
they will come out all right. With the
Group it is necessary to "strike ile," gerer-
ally "goose ile," and if applied in season,
twill soon lubricate the throat withoat q
much trouble. Cutting teeth runs longer
than either of the other diseases, yet by
timely investment Of rubber ring and
rattle, you get rid of Doctors BILL
When We were young, we cut our teeth on
silver dollar, but as dollars are now mado
Of paper they won't stand the wear and
tear of whole set of teeth, and 'tix
cheaper in the end to invest in the rubber
ring. .n .seear .gr. r
Learning to walk and talk are two achiev-
ements about which too much cannot be-
said. The walking though is mere moth
ing compared to talking, yet it is more dan.r
gercus, and accidents oftener occur; still
they usually acquire the art with the nee
essary breaking Of some crockerY or furni-
ture which they frantically clutch at, in Or
der to save fall. During the season Of
practicing, nothing can drop in the house,
or the least noise be made, but what moth
er will drop whatever she has in her hand
and cry out, "There goes Willie what has
he done low" and rush to the scene Of
action to find, perhaps, flower pot on the
floor, and Willie engaged in scattering it's F.
contents about the room. After clearing
up the debris, mother returns to her work
thanking her stars that it was only choice
verbena that was ruined and not w lilies
neck. .mE
Their conversation in the beginning is a
little difficult to understand. They abbre-
viate great deal, and throw aside all pro.
nouns as perfectly useless. Listening to
their talk is like attending an Italian Opers;
one hears the noise but cannot understand
what it means. The first "papa" or imam.
ma," distinctly spoken, is worth Eve dollars
to either Of the delighted parents. Babies
must not only talk themselves, but must
be talked to-; and the amount of baby talk
used in common.sized family is prodig-
ious. Baby's appearance opens new field
to all. The old hands who have seen babies
before, converse in the language quite flu.
entity, but tits ludicrous to hear beginner
undertake to master this difficult tongue
Talking baby talk is an art which few ever
acquire to perfection, though, by constant
practice, the most stupid can partially ac-
quire it, yet it takes two or three gene.
rations of babies to make perfect lins
guist.
The effect baby produces on family,
no matter how sober said family may be,
is wonderful to behold. 1t completely
turns the heads Of all. If any particular
one behave more insane, or is carried away
more than the rest, we think grandma will
bear of the palm, though pa, una, grandpa,
aunt, uncle, and long list Of cousins, are
not counted out by any means. We think
the mother the most sensible, though even
she has her failings and weak points in re-
gard to baby, and will occasionally exhibit
. trace Of insanity, when dilating upon his
charms and accomplishments. t..-
The effect babies have on progression is
selfevident. No one ever knew one infe-s
rior to any other preceding baby. On the 4
contrary, each one is little in advance Of
any yet born and when we think Of the
vast numbers yet to be, and how every ono
will be little superior to its predecessor.
what glorious future awaits us! We shall
eventually reach perfection. How can those
persons who believe that we retrograde in,
stead Of progress, reconcile this fact to their
absurd theory.
Some people, little enthusiastic, look
upon baby las thing Of beauty and .
Joy forever" Now we have seen some
whom we think had liberal discount OH
their beauty, and their Joy forever" would
onlcklu uanish On haninn IL cn.n1nanno 70