The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-05-30
The D0gberrles or the Draft.

provingly from the Albahy Argus, but
the following from that paper is too
good to be lost. Time was when these
Dogberries carried a " revolver" and
all were respectful because apprehen-
sive Now we can dare to flout in their
faces and snap our fingers at them, ad'
rot 'em. AS Jack Bunsby would say,
the application of these ERE OBSERVE,
tons lies in the bearin' of 'em. 'Wast
there!
"The, VAL IS about to send to their
homes the hundreds of thousands of
SCARED veterans Of the army, the stur-
dy crews of our sud lenly created navy,
the heroic generals and their brilliant
stats, and the crowd of brave officers
who have sought the bubble reputation
at the cannon's mouth!
Farewell, the plumed troops and the big wars,
Farewell the neghing steed and the shrill trump,
The spirit stirring drum, and ear piercing fife,
The Royal banner and all quality.
Pomp, pride, and circumstance OF glorious war
Farewell Othello's occupations gone!
Another tribe is scattered, too-the
suffers and the camp followers, the par
asitcs Of a great army, and more nota-
BILE than all, that anomolons body-the
Dogberries of the daft, who, center
ing upon the Provost Marshal Generals
office at Washington, spread through
the country. The soldiers will 90 to
the ploughshare, the sailors to the in.
ternal marine of the rivers and lakes,
the suffers and contractors will take
their rank, if successful, among the ar.
istocracy of shoddy !; if not, will resume
their places among the dangerous class.
es, and minister again to the vi,es of
the profigate in the cities.
But what shall be done with that
melancholy constabulary employed up
OIL the conscription? The surgeons
who sold dis9ua.ifying diseases as
qpaeks do cures, and who spread COM
plants through the country, by certifi-
Gates, as never epidemic did before
confernng upon favored applicants ti-
ties to paralysis, piles, and pulmonary
complaints, which were received as
gratefully as tue Insignia of nobility
from royal hands-we know where they
will go. There are paths open to them
--allopath and homeopatR-and pills
will pay and plastcrs will draw from
plethoric purses. The clerks, too, who
used to offer to let poor fellow off for
striking his name out in red ink,
as disqualifying cash as if received on
the ficld-zwe know what they will do.
They will invest their earnings in Pc
troleum, organize companies, and after
a short career as .biters, end by being
bit.
But the regular Dogberrics Of the
draft-=the men who could never tell
the quota or when the draft was TO
commence, or who was exempt or who
was not, or how many was called for,
or for what term, or who could be sub
stitute or who could not-what is to be
come of them? To put Ounces caps
oh discrowned heads, and lie. asses ears
cover their epaulettes, and a fools bau-
bic take the place of their idle swords,
would be merely to make them a tenn
porary laughing stock! They might
be employed as constabulary in some
of those interior cities in which the old
watch is still retained-the leathcrn hat,
the rattle and the Matchbox in which
they kept their somnolent vigils, would
befit them. But this would afford ref
uge but for few. What, for instance,
would become of the head of the Mud
fog Corps--Colonel-Marsh General
Frye
We have suggestion to make in
the premises! In the Dudley Obser-
vatory is a Calculating Machine, i'm
ported by a spirited merchant, from
one of the Swedish Universities, which
is a most wonderful invention, if any
one knew how to use it. It has han
die. Now we propose to put Fry, as
soon as he has done studying the Da-
boil, presented by generous people,
in charge of this machine. Give him
the problem of the population of a dis
trict, age, sex, teeth, hair, stature,
strength, birth, health, and give him
Stanton's orders, give him figures in
full and vulgar fractions ad kbitum, let
him multiply, divide, subtract and add,
and make him FIND THE QUOTA. Fas-
tened to the handle of that machine his
life would pass in what Mantelini calls
+" one eternal demnition grind"
Buffalo Commercial.