Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1865-04-05
From the American Upion.
HINTS TO YUNG MEN.


hints at you, and hope you won't think
I'm inteferin with what's none of my biz
ness, nor call me an old fogee or ded
beet bekaws the things I'm goin to say
to you air intendid for your speritooal
good. In my travis up and down this
mundane spear" Gas Mister Shakspear
sez) | see enuff deviltry and outragus
COINS on among the yung men of the pres
ent jineration to make man cuss the hull
! human rase and live hermit durin the
rest of his MATERIAL life. To be sure, the
perfeshun of hermit amt one that paws
very big profit,--a man in that biznis
aint apt to leave very big fortin for his
ares to quarril about aud his adminiss-
traitors to steel from, but it's better than
to be continooally reminded that (by what
a man sees goin on about him) that our
yuDg men of the preset day air goin to
the devul as much faster than a lokomotiv
as lokomotiv is faster than a hill of
white beens. If | live to be an old man
and git fortin IN the pill biznis (Which
is extrorncry good jest now,) want to
enjoy myself quietly and set down under
my own vine and fgg tree with nobody to
molest nor scare.--a thing which [ aint
likely to do if the kuntry is inhabited by
o sett of thieves and cutt throtes and
land pirits and demorulized drunkerds.
Tharefore Yung men! pay attenshun to
what | say and "keep darned still, that
you may hear.
j will commense by sayin, Yung Men
don't put on ares ! hev known many a
promising yuth to be soshully and fnan-
shully ruined by doin that same, Your
best friends will 60 back on you and
shun your company bekaws you air con-
stantly maxim donkey of yourself
struttin abowt like yung turkey gobbler,
and Sarah Jane and Maria Ann will larf
at you and maik Eases and poke all sorts
of fun and when you pop the momentus
question they'll say "No! you yung pop
pinjay!' y And your store clothes and pa
tent luthers and kid gluvs and paste d.
mond rings and die for your poor weak
mustashes and taller for your hare will
eat scch hole in your puss that you'll
hev to steel from your employer to git
mummy to pay your bord with, Thare-
fore yung men, don't put on ares.
And yung men, don't drink Ticker. Ii
will kill you stone ded or it'll exc out fol
you miserable and godforsaken existens
accordin to the quantity and frequency Of
; your doses For thirty y-seven cents you
can buy enough to commit suicide with
and arter three minutes of feerful agerny
you'll never know what hurt ye 1t is 8
soothin drink, the principil ingrcjunts o.
which is alkihol, lie of vitril, assephidi
tia, salts and seeny, birthstone and hel
phire Taken reglarly in lite dosis it'll
eat the hare all off your head kaws your
teeth to drop from their sockets, clean the
marrow all out of your bones, make YOU
; nose shine like red barn-door in frosty
morning and to swell up like an enraiget
Z bantam cockril kaws your nees to noel
together like the nees of KnebbukudneZ
-. zer when he see the hand-writin on tn,
wall, muddle your brane, parrilse your in
; telick, and finely you won't be fit for nothiI
, but an offs seeker or substitute broker
6 Tharefore, young men, don't you hist il
= Ticker.
And young men, don't play poker anC
shake dice and props and things, bekaw
b they're amusin little games that wont pa.
4 in the long run. You'd better git som
c honist opcrashuu and fOller it, (even if i
y don't pay big,) sich as diggin pertaters 0
r drivn q swill-cart. But gamblin of al
IS deskripshuns is meesly bizzinis, and then
n as 60 into it sure to git ukured sooner 0
i later, pertikerly if they go alone. Yo
e may think you are all jo-hred smart bu
v but you'll git hold Of somebody that's
IT leetle smarter than you, and he'll max
d your pockit.book look as though it ha
n ben hammered down with pile-drivei
|, Any man that undertakes to tight agI
the whole human rass ginerally gifts lick
If ell, ard 50 does fair youth when he put
g up his pockit-boOk aud his foolishness agi
d pack Of kards in the fist or gambOllo1
:. Tberefore voupa men, don't 90 for