The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1865-02-11
SAYINGS OF JOSH BILLINGS.
MISSING CONSIDERED.

Man WaZ made tew MOURN so war
bled Burns, land woman was made tew
kiss" so MARBLES Billings. One Ov theze
continents haz bin alreddy immortal
lied, and the other intend shall be az
soon az the Legislator meets. | am not
vet lusid how | shall bring the matter
befoar that honorable boldly; but do
know how the honorabel boldly feels OH
the subject, and how they will ackt if
ever tina have good chance. To give q
fertile and golden opinyun, upon kissing
in the lump, and kissing in the detale
requires a man Nv truth, and sum eXpe-
riense i'll telling it, and alzo ov taste, and
sum experience in tasteing
IN THELUMP.
Kissing IL one ov thoze flu things that
il eazier dun than described; in fack,
about the onla way tew deskribe it we'll
is to do it well. 1t liz withot doubt, u
very anshunt enterprise; and judgeing
from what we kno ov human natur in
this latitude, it must have struk Adam
as good investment when he fust dis
kOvered his wife If Adam didn't kiss
Eve at sight he amt the man take him
to be; and if Eve didn't relish it, it must
hav bin bekause it want well did. There
il one thing about kissing i'll the lump,
different from the rest Ov the five arts,
and that IL, it don't require emmy edi-
kashun tew dew it; | hav even thOrt
that the more unedikated it was did
Crowded it didn't miss the mark the
more touching it was tew behold.
But kissing il a good deal like eating
there il not much fun when person IL
hungry i'll standing 10y and see it did hi
another fellow, if it il did ever so well.
II IL one ov the cheapess and healthyess
luxury ov the seaZon, and don't sho emmy
disposishun few go out of fashion, and
will keep sweet i'll emmy climate. Upon
the whole, if You eXamin kissing in the
lump closely, You will he led tcw oXclainr
Fusstly, that it IL cay tew hav it did, as
IL IL handy tew dew it. Sekandly, that
it IL like Cowpers tea, it cures a man
without corning him; and, Thurdly, it il
d frugal, highly concentrated, and rever-
end luxury.
IN DErAILE.
When we cum tew thro oph glirtoring
generalitys and approach our subjeck i'll
single file, ii IL thon that the diyinitce
w the ART seems to be spotted; and re-
yeals tow us awl the shades oy pomp and
circumstance, from the sublime and ten
der, clear down tew the redikilus and
Mtf Mothers kiss and little baby's kiss
are AZ pure az the utterance ov angels; so
IL tho artless kiss ov sister Mary and
cOu4in Fanny; but there IL one cold, blu,
lean kiss, that alwuz makes me shivcr
rev SEQ. Two persons Gov the teniail
Il linn uhn hpN Ia
menny younger and more pulpy daze,
meet in SUM pubik phase, and not having
SAW each luther for "a hours tina kiss i'm
mogiately then tina tork about the weth-
er, and the young man who preached
yesterday, and then tina kiss ilnmegiate-
", and tina blush and latf ut what tina
"a tew each other, and kiss agin immegi-
ately.
would not objekt tew awl this if it
want SIGH waste ov sweetness on the
desert air. lam willing to be sworn that |
this kind of kissing alwus put me i'll mind
ov two olde lmts trieing tew strike fire. |
How different this from the kOnnubial
kiss witnessed Taste mite. knu he
vast husband jist got back from big
ness tower, by hia haste. He passt me |
at the korner below, and awl uneXpeck ed
encountered his wife, and az natral az
the bee tew the flower, tina fla tOgethef
Thare want emmy thing sentimental
about that kiss; thare want emmy thing
krimiual about it. 1t rang ont OH the
air az clear az the challenge ov per-
lice otficer-it filed a whole block
Thare want much preliminary about it
neither, for il smashed 90 dollar bonnet,
aud muxed up a barricadeO v edging and |
trizzled tucker
1t want the fust one, it was few well
did for that. 1t want the slipping of two
trembling lovers afraid Ov the echo; it
want studyed out nor stolen, but it vast
full of honest ripeness and chastened
struggle which made me banker for-fur
one oph from the same peace Jist one
more remark andi am thru Thare il
one Kind ov kissing that has alwus been
deemed ex ia hazardous Con akount ov
fre) and that is kissing yure naber's wife
Citing the wife's consent don't seem tew
make the matter emmy the less risky.
MORAL-Don't eat onions during the
kissing season unless VII chew them well