The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1865-01-03
.all the world and the rest of mankind

al the word ana the rest OF MANKIND
In brief space of time Caleb's steed was
given into the charge-T stable boy, and
unconscious and happy, he entered his domi-
Gil and shut the door. The moment he en-.
tered an attentive ear might have detected the
sounds of voice in no way mellow or express
sive of end arment; and an instant after
Caleb hurriedly came through the door, with
amaZement on his front, and a mop in his
rear, the wrong end of which was under the
direct and personal superintendent of Ia
dy who was very red in the face and very
sturdy in the arms, and who strongly resenb-
led Mrs. Meeks. The battle had commenced
In the passage way. Caleb's castor, which
shone in the rays of the setting sun as he
drove down the road, was now very much
bruised and out of shape, indeed, it was driv
en- far down over Caleb's amiable physiogno-
my.
What in thunder's out p yelled Caleb.
Twenty five years old shrieked the in
furate dame. and bang Caleb caught the mop
over his shoulders. COckscrew ringets J ,
and punk he got it in the back, with all the
strength which nature and anger had given
the enraged lady.
'D-n it, don't do that
But it was no use he had to take il.
Diamond ear rings!' punk Silk velvet
dressP bang Gold bracelets slump.
Murder roared Caleb.
Watch and chain she shrieked, and biff !!
he took it over the head
'Muff! bang slumpl Boa bang bang {!
end down went Caleb with a yell of 'mur-
der y
Now fell the blows thick and fast upon the
bruised head, back and face of the PROSTATE
joker; while the lady again rehearsed the
catalogue of the wearing apparel and jewels
of the other Mrs. Meeks, timeipg the utter
ance of the name OF each article with blow
upon her PROSTATE, wrthing and bleeding
lord
But all things must have An end. The vio-
lent exercise OF the arms and lungs, in which
Mrs. Meeks had INDUCED, had somewhat ex-
hausted her. She had rapidly run thrice
through Mats imaginary catalogue, and feel
ing her strength depart'g she gathered herself
up for one grand and final effort Caleb look
ed with horror upon the appraised mop; he
heard the words:
oh the huzzyp she cried in vigorous
tone; he heard hurting, whizzing sound in
the air, and the next instant Caleb's nose
was as fat as the other parts of his face.
His two tormentors retreated into the man
sion, and lett him alone with his gore. Slow
ly and with the most keen sensations of pain,
he raised himself in sitting posture, and,
with many groan of agony, proceeded to
inspect his personal condition.
"I'm id if this arm amt broken Oh
nd this left shoulder must be dislocated
Oh oh And, good God what nose
That woman must be crazy 4! l shan't be able
to go about in a month Oh, Lord how sore
amp
Now, Nat, with the most pleasurable emo
tions. had, through the crevice OF the fence,
observed the whole of the liale family Jar
which | have so feebly described and he
now stood looking over the fence at the back
OF his dear friend
Il say, Uncle Gale = shouted Nat
"Hey !" said Caleb, as he turned, in some
lite ast0nishment, a look upon his former
victim.
L say. Gale continued Nat, 'how do you
feel about now?
Oh YOU! [ shall leave it blank ?
yelled out the enraged Caleb, as he sprang ia
his feet and made for the house. 'Pll FIX
your flint"
But Nat didn't want his flint fixed, and
therefore made his way. with all possible &c.
lerity, up the road.
Soon after, there appeared upon the green
| sward, rendered sanguinary and sacred by
coniugal endearments. lame man. who were
a shocking bad hat and who had taken pos,
session Of fowling piece loaded with buck
shot IF the lame man meant to shoot Nat
ne reckoned without his host. That worthy,
thanks TO a long and thin pair of legs, was
out of gunshot range
Gale, from that time forth, and until he
| filled the grave which be now occupies 81
! WELL eschewed dry joking, and was always
sensitive on the subject OF mops.