The star of the north. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1849-1866, 1865-01-04
Aricmus on the Draft.

Artemus Ward, Jr., is again before the
public ventilating his ideas on the draft:
A crate many people air getting exempt
ed. kno a chap who warnted TO git ex-
empi becaze he had no old widow mother
TO support him. Another youth said if he
taken in washin, as he was the only son
she had to maintain. It's astonishin' wot a
skarcity OF male people thar is between 20
and 35 years Those wot aren't over 35
are under. 20. They never git past 81 hardly
| uncl knowd temail wot was under 20
She was splendid Her name was Mariar,
thor much OF her. Praps | thort mucher
of her psrient's SO acber farm. But she
was a swedt girl She bad butiiulesi eyes,
one was cross>eyed an the other squinted.
She ust 10 look al me 2..ways at onci And
such small feet Her gators war small enGf
Tor me by siuffln' rags into the Tose of EN-.
WON'T say enything about her teeth. She
had 90 teeth to say enything about.
She was Hsiress. That's wot allied her
Her Guvner was a Breckiuridger. One mite
he arst me wo! | wars 'Im an Army
Kontrackter," sez l. lelin' a confonnded
wop2er; but Marrar was lookng al me 3
ways, and scarcely nowe ed ,wotJ was say
in. "Wan," sez the old man, "ef you are
army conlrackler you must be a Breckin-
ridger, for they GET all the contracts an the
Union men duz The fghlin." 90 roo -
seq |. ] maid Marian noomerour number
OF presents. bot her Dollars worth OF
Joolry, consistn' '.ov a gold watch, buzz
zlm pin. an earrings, an lhings-upwsrds
OF sevril OF the larst
Bot she.was always morely pleased wen
tnok her a hunk OF yaIler Jack. 1t wos a
splendid sight TO see her eat yaIler Jack.
Alter korlin her sevril weeks, thorl II was
time to bring things TO a climax. nile
took her sooperb big chunk Of yalIer Jack,
an aiier she pu, herself outside Of it sez
10 myself, now is The expected time, as the
ScrptooIs remarks i had been 2 weeks
10 turning snm big words with, which 20
arsk her 10 be mine, an ! got down on my
kneas bed her o say 'em when sez she
Gimme another hunk ov that candy, be-
fore you begin to pray" This nockt all
the wind out ov me Sales, as it were, an
didn't no wot 10 say, an cum putty lear
sayint il. Bnl wasn't a goin' 10 give MP
the ship; 50 to speak. squaiud side ov
her, took her alabaster hands in mine, look
ed into her eyes ar arlicoolated ''Mariar
Inv you good bit w1ss nor nothin. "Whl
A. ~ tifa1- 90
me 2" Me heart kept bobin up and down in
me buzzim a. tho II waTHtcd 10 break it's
bonds and sore away, as the Poick sings
Bot don't think Ma-iar understood me
62qeralve language, Ter sez she, Not
walk. / don intend 20 travel tho euny
ihorny path without kiD fide. -Toure
ole iool, Ihai;s wol youRar," and guess
was, for left the damse without pressini
me soot As became wiser | grow older,
and hive sence laned that a girl don't
mean all she sez. Not by hart DOZEN
When iemail calls chap ole fool, she
thiuks he's hunky boy,.as Ben sffick sails.
pity Marar. When she found didn't
cum back she took up with a love cove
who supported good sore Close. She took
him for gentleman, but after marryin' he
TUNED out 10 be a dirty Peas man, which
Kilt her ded. Rest qui ct in peace. e poor
tusted up Union. suppose yon don'i noe
what thos Latin mems! | don't kno, tew.
The right wing of the rebel army is in
Virginia, and The left is in New York. An
l'm IN Washington. as slurs,
A. WARD JR