Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1865-02-03


gavel, when rumble, like the Tenbto'
| which precedes the earthquake in volcanic
regions, sounds through the corridors! AL
eyes are fixed upon the door! VOild the
laundering Secretary of War appears
| [Great Laughter Upon his brow the very
feature of Mars, to threaten and command
Room for the war minister! His flowing
beard and spectacled face, so familiar to oul
| eyes
"Assume the god, affect the nod,
And seem to shake the spheresW
| laughter
What to him are the princes fBegum, re-
| ferred to yesterday in debate? What the
| princes of Lahore, with their Koh-i-noors
| A whole casket lies in his glance; for is ht
not the dispenser of $500000,000 year
| [Laughter.] What to him the civil list o
| George Ill, which the Speaker Norton tolC
the king was great beyond example? Mil
lions hang upon his smile, where only thou
sands hung upon the smiles of the prout
| the satrapies of the Indies Whole heca
tombs of greenbacks daily are sacrificed BY
his order! In plain attire, but potentia
mood, he comes! Far off his coming shines
in form and seeming but man, but In i'm
agination like the angel of the pit, floating
many a rood on the burning mari of war
About him herd thousands of slaughtered
beef. Laughter Around him throng mil
| lions OF tons of forage; guns and wagons
| horses and mules-an innumerable host, toe
| great for the contracted mind of man; ant
| from his brow hang bounties for millions
| and honors for all ! Before him fall, as be-
fore an oriental throne, the PROSTATE House
In vain the Speaker calls to order! In vain
the Sergeant-at-Ar brandishes the mace.
Our symbol falls before the golden wand OF
this magician of war! At length he, too,
deigns to sit. He is fianked by my military
colleagues, Messrs. Schenck and Garfield, ]
and the House isready with their questions +!
Rare diversion here, Mr.. Speaker. THE re-
cord provided by the Clerk is produced.
My colleague, Mr.. Shenck,] or rather my
colleague, Mr.. Garfield, with that sense of
military skill and courage for which he is so
distinguished, is the first to rise to inquire of
the War minister, and not without embar-
rassment. The House is breathless as he
asks-what? Whether the blowing out of
the bulkhead of the Dutch Gap canal by
Butler has seriously affected the backbone
of the rebelion? Laughter.] If ay, how
many vertebra are demolished; and after
conference with the Naval committee,
whether the canal, in case of tempestuous
sea, is navigable for double-enders and
whether they cannot go either way therein
without turning round? Laughter,
burne] would call up the head of the Treas
ury and ask whether it would be best to tax
the whisky drank in the last century, with
q view to assist Legislatures of States to a
patriotic choice of Senators laughter, and
If so, what amount should be levied on the
spirits of '76? [Laugter.l The chairman
of the Ways and Means-ever ready to de-
tend his positions-would inquire, with the
gravity of Pluto's iron countenance, wheth-
er it would not be wise to enact law pun
ishing with death all who might sell pea
nuts and putty on any other than a gold
basis. Laughter.] A chorus of voices
would inquire whether the Treasury could
not so interpret the five per cent. income
tax as to relieve members recently defeated
from all tax upon their mileage in the next
Congress. [Laughter.]
Then the venerable Secretary of the Navy
would be put to his catechism. A MEM
Der from Massachusetts, would inquire
what effect the payment of Goldfish bOun-
ties, as nursery for our seaman, would
have upon the navigation of the iron-clads.
[Laughter.] might be tempted myself to
ask of the same venerable master of the
trident whether the Abyssinian was used
by Cleopatra in her naval service; if so,
were they at the battle of the Nile; and
''were they there all the while?" Laugh
teri If so, what Pompey thought of it.
[Laughter.]
But the gentleman from Vermont, ever
alive to the interests of New England, Mr..
Morrill, would inquire triumphantly of
Mr.. Fessenden whether the tariff should
not be so amended as to increase the duty
on dystuffs and paper, SO that, on future
issue of $l7,000,000,000 of greenbacks, the
tariff will be prohibitory, the prices raised,
and a satisfactory deficiency be produced
in our revenues. Laughter Or whether,
by raising the price of dystuffs and paper,
the value of greenbacks in the market
might not be made equal to the cost of their
manufacture? Laughter.] But what
stunning blow would be given by Demo-
cratic member, who, rising solemnly, should
inquire of the War Department what pro-
lection, in case of foreign war, is afforded
by the manning of Forts Warren and La
Fayette by their present loyal force; if so,
how many are there at this time; how long
have they been there, and with what pros
pect OF relief [Laughter] L think my
friend from Maryland Mr.. Harris] would
ask that question. [Laughter.l
Nor should the gentleman from Indiana,
Mr.. Holman the most useful member of
this House, ever faithful to the soldier, be
omitted from the programme. What, with
crushing results, could he inquire of Mr..
Stanton, what effect our Democratic efforts
here to increase the pay of the soldier has
had on the recent elections. And If not,
why not? [Laughter:] Perhaps this, too,
interests my colleague in front, Mr.. PEN
dleton, who took some interest in soldiers
pay and the last election. Laughter.] Or,
rising to the innocent sublime, the gentle-
man from Iowa Mr.. Grinnell] should ask
the Navy Department.
Mr.. EDGERToN. What gentleman from
Iowa does the gentleman mean?
Mr.. Cox. My pastoral friend. [Great
laughter.]
Mr.. GRINNELL. i simply wish to ask the
gentleman from Ohio whether he proposes
to revive the church-partnership- move
ment in the State OF Ohio.
Mr.. Cox. / have no doubt the question
put by the gentleman from Iowa is very
appropriate, and that 1t should have been
addressed to one of the Cabinet ministers;
but did not hear it. Laughter.]
Mr.. GRINNELL. / am opposed to the adj
mission of Cabinet Ministers.
Mr.. Cox. / know you are opposed to it;
but II they should come in you would prob
ably like to ask question about the sheep
business. You would naturally, perhaps,
ask the question of the Secretary of the
Navy, Mr.. Welles, whether or not the Ar
gonautio expedition of Admiral Jason
would have had any effect, in case the
Golden Fleece had been captured in Aus
tralia, either on the gold market or the
price Of wool. Laughter :.
l present these fanciful questions as an