Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1865-03-16
NUMBER II.

"DEAR ME- r. exclaimed Mn.. Crasbes, Is
she returned from church last Sunday, :. dssr
me this is an age Of conventions, When
was q Girl. organs were in ilsir infaney.-..A
former used to turn the crank aod monkey
take the pennies. But now an organiser
presides over the estimate while the deacon
takes up the. constitution. Obi you should
hear the fellow perform one Of his closing
voluptuaries. when he pulls out IN the stop
Piles, and plays on the psdlas base, sotiopd as
tojar tho conaagratioA as they pass ont Of
their respective places Of abodemeot. -
Ar festival, pretty Miss waited upon sn
editor with pie plate Of antique mauufas-
ture. in the centre Of which b espied tbs fol.
lowing interesting couplet: !a. ! s7af'
alp "One sweet kiss q.,s st.f ''s
-na Is the psice of this 5...-..-
This excited his feelings, and ~ soon ~ IN
opportunity presented itself. uotioned the
Young lady to bis side. and pointing With his
knife tn the line. said: ..-.--. f...,..
:. Your pay is ready whenever you present
your bW." 4 e.. r..- 81. d. ..a-...-..
An, JOHN. you wont have mo much
longer. shall never leave this bed slive.'
Please thysclf, Betty. and thee will please
me-" returned John, with equal equantity.
II have been good wife to you, John,''
persisted the dying woman. s
MiddIin'. Betty. middlin'. !" responded tho
matter cr-of-fact husband. l i;2
A FRENCH engineer was travelling upos an
old Ohio steamboat. He o served to the csp-
tain:
But this engine is in very bad .ondi-
tion."
f" That's So" was the reply.
And how much longer do You expect 10
run it,"
Till it bursts" was the cool indiisreps
reply.
After they left the next Ian ling place, there
was at least one Frenchm an less on board
that boat.
~ SAY, printer. do you take Msnbsttsn
money!" ..rr ee.H
mo" .... .,....,,..-,... ID, .
whats the reason--ain't it good 2"
Yes" .-...... ,...
Why don't you take it then 2" IT,,
Because we can't get it!'' ra5.l..-
A LADY wished scat. A portly handsome
gentleman brought one and seated her.
"Oh. you arc jewel" said she. 1858
"Oh, no." replied he. I'm jewsl-er-
l have just set the jewel"
Could there have been anything more g.l-
liant than that?
PEDAcocuz =" Well. sir. what does hair
spell"
Boy" Don't know" "-'
Pedagogue-" What have you got on your
head p f.s- %
II guess it's skeeter bite-it itchcs like
thunder" ~ l..-f
i O. t.-.se
A scHooLMARM in England has adopted .
new and novel mode of punishnont. If the
boys disobey her rules she stands them on
their heads and pours cold water into their
trowscrs legs. -.--.4-.l
ScnooLMAsTxK--" Bill Tompkins, what's .
widow p sz...s==ss.ss.
Bill-"A wilder is married woman what
amt got no husband, koz he's dead.v o
Master-'Very we'll. What is widowei?'
Bill" A widderer is q man what rnns
arter widders" fs,Et
To succeed in the world, it is much more
necessary to possess the penetration to dir
cover who is fool than to discover who is
clever man.
An editor. speaking of o drink he once had
occasion to indulge in. says be couldn't tell
whether it was brandy or torchlight process
sion going down bis throat. -..d. o.s IS
| "PApDY, says ajoker. why don't you get