Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1865-12-16
BiIIInHs on Pontoon P~hIlOsophy.
uoonNu

Poiteness."-It don't require much
genius nor eddikashun tew be polite.
Once in a while thare il a man who haz
more politeness than the law seems tew
require. I don't think the revised stattu
ever contemplated that a man should beg
pardon ov a gate post, for running aginst
hiz hed-but i am no lawyer waz onst
but i sold out . years ago, when lawyers
ware skarse.
"Lore."-No man kan diskribe love
unless he haz bin intu it; the lecturer
fansys he haz bin intu it more than
onst or twist, and therefore feels equal to
the shrugged. His language upon the sub
iek liz sed to be soothing enuff tew draw
tears from the eyes ov a nicely potater.
But it is expressly understood that the
audience are not obliged to weep, unless
thay hav the tears to spare.
"Lire Yankee."-A lengthy discourse,
in which the author undertakes to prove,
that the Yankees are sprung from M
England, and are a people addikted tew
spreading. and disposed to strike in, like
turpentine. The author himself, (az he
haz bin credibly informed,) waz onst a
Yankee, but at an early life changed hiz
base, and haint never bin glad ov 1t since.
If the audience should not be satisfied
with this description ov the "Liye Yam
kee," they are requested to speak to the
lekturer about it, and hsv themselfs salts
fed at onst. at his expense. 1t is hard
work tew diskribe a olive Yankee" they
are so full ov ramifkations-they are az
hard tew diskribe az the old fashioned
stummach axe, which waz alwus easier
felt than diskribed.
Observation-Disclosures aristocrasy,
il a good deal like toad stools-but i kant
tell why now. 1t il a very common sem
sashun, not tew be able tew tell why
| men sumtimes even git married, and they
kant tell ~why-but they kno they are
married-the wust way.
ANSWERS TO SUN MORE CORRESPONDENCE
"Mathe,o."-A cheerful letter about
musketoze. Musketoze are Male, Femail,
and Neutral gender ii kno it have
examined them. They are good livers.
They are very profitable tew raise
musketoze, and a sesspool, will stock a
farm. in 90 daze.
Parent."-This apistle IL in reply tew
an anxious father, who haz got badly stuck
with q son. and wants tew kno how tew
fetch him up. I wrote back tew him,
(among other things,) thusly,-"o on Pud-
ding and milk, and hickory brush, hall &
hslf-Yures in haste. Josh Billings"
don't kno who this Wal
ton il. He asks me a CRATE menny fool
ish questions about fishing, which l have
~endeavoured tew answer, in tho same art
less manner I hav Civ him sum healthy
advise, about fishing. which, If he follerz
well, will keep him for II months without
learning emmy other bad habits. I kon-
slider generally fishing an innosent amuze-
men,-espeshially. boiling for Eel''-w'sh
a raw pertato.
mary .Ann."-The Lecturer gives Mary
Ann hiz private opinyun on Waterfalls
He tell, her how tew hav them, in emmy
ouantitys she bankers for. He konsiders
them one of the virtues. No femail kan
be sed to be perfek without one.
"Harroid."-A delightful letter on
.Courting,' in which much sublime truth
il portrayed. The contents ov the letter
IL cheerfully reckomended by the author
few envy man OF NOulull ia ScoASh S"N'
other. Gras widders will dew well, tew
git this letter, and study it.
ESSAYS oNsT MORE.
GOOD Luck aud Bad Luek."-ln writ
ing upon this subjeck, the writer's view
will probably s,artle the kold reasoning
ov sum folks, but he haz alwus swort
tina, the individual who would carelesslJ
steal a hens egg out from under a her
(who was Winding her W b~izzness,) anc
ravish the egg. haint got emmy legal right
,ew complain ov hiz bad LUX If the egg
after he haz engrossed it, proves tew b
deficient in primititf freshness.
Fast men."-The lekturer would re
spekfully inform a grateful Puohk that n
IL in favor ov Fast men. He don
mean naughty men, nor men who are II
in the habit ov Citing stuck In mud holes
bu, lively creatures. whom yu kant 81
,ew take a bread pill, or ride on a freigh,
train, This kind sumtimes git busted
bu, the fragments are alwus valuable 10