The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1865-08-31
Artemus Ward on the Celebra-
ton at Baldinsville I'm Honor
Of the Atlantic Cable.
From the New York Saturday Press.l

i was summund home from Cinsinnatty
quite sudden by lettur from the supervisors
of Baldinsville. saying as how crate Things
was on the Tappis in that air town in refer
unse to ceIebratln the compleshun Of the Sub
Mershine Telegraph, d akin me to be Pres.
sunt Lockin up my kangaroo and wax wurks
in seizure stile, took my depater for Bal
drnsvilie-" my own, my nativ lam which |
got inflow at early handle hghtin on the fol.
lerln mite, just as the sellerbrashun and IL
lumlnashun were commensin.
Baidinsville was trooly in blaze Of glory.
Mere can forget the sublime specticul which
met my case as allied from the Stage with
my umbrellur and verlise. The Tavern was
LIT up with taller HANDLES all over & crate
bon fire was burnln in frunt thereof A Trans
plrancy was tied onto the sine post with the
foilerln wurds-"Giv us Liberty or Deth "
Old Iompklnsis groserv was Illuminated with
s tin lanturns and the follerin Transnirancy
was in the winder-"The Sub Mershine Tel.
legraph Il Baldinsville and Stone6eld Plank
Road-the CRATE eventz of the 10th centary
may intestine strife never mar their gran.
Jure. Simpkinsis shoe shop was all ablase..
with Handles and lanturns 4 American Ea.
gle was painted onto flag in n yinder-also
these wurds, viz" The Constitooshun mus,
be Preserved, The Skool house was lifted
up IN great stie and the winders filed with
notices, amung which | noticed the foller;n
-" Truth smashed to erth shall rise agip-
foo CAN STOP HER ." The Boy stood on
the Burnin Deck whense awl but him had
Fled. Professionalism is the theaf Of
Time. Be virtoous d you will be Han
Ply. "lntemperunse has cawsed bean of
trubble-shun the Bole.' and the foIler;n
sentiment, written by the skoolmaster. who
graduated at Hudson Kollige: "Baldinsv;lle
sends greetin to her Majesty the Queen. and
hopes all hard feelins which has heretofore
prevls bin felt between the supervisors Of
Baidinsviie and the British Parliament. If
such there has BEEN may now be forever
wiped trum our Escutshuns. Badinsvile
this night reloises over the gerorious event
which sementz crate nashuns onto ono
anuther by means of a elecktric wire under
the roarn billers of the Nasty Deep. Ouo,o,,e
fdntrum, 6ufter, Cdtertiag potent aasfy7,n,r'
squire Smith house was lifted up regard
less of expense. His little sun William Henrv
stood upon the roof 6rn OFF crackers Tho
old Squire himself was dressed up in sol;ier
clothes and stood on his door step. nintip he
sword sollumly to American flag which was
suspended on top OF pole in front of his
mouse. Frequently he would take OFF his
cooked hat 4 wave it round in ;n,nro.s;,.o |
style. His Oldest darter Miss Isabelle Sm;,h
who has Just cum home from the Perkinsv;lIa
Female lnstertoot appeared at the front win. |
DER In the west room as the goddis of liberty |
q sang, II see them on their windin wav ;, |
booteous /, sed | to myself, Won air amer, |
nothin shorter. n. Boneparte Smith r.
Squire's oldest sun. drest himself IN as Venns
the God OF Wars and red the Decierac;on of
Independents from the left chamber winder
Inc Sqafre wife didn't jine in the festiyer. |
oes She SAID 1t was the tarnulest nonsensa
sne ever seed. See she TO the squire, Cum
INTO the house and 60 to bed, Won old fool
you 10 morrer you IL be going round half |
aed with the rumertism d won't gin us a min.
rs peace till you get WE'LL Sez the 'Son;ra
betsy, you little appreciate the imnorfanoe |
OF Tue event which we this night commemer. |
ate. See she, "Commerate a cats ta;I
cum into the house this instant. you pesky old |
er'ter. Betsy seq the Squire. wav;n'
has sword, "retire." This made bor 10. -
mad as she could stick She retired b3t o, o.
out agn putty quick with painful Of LIN.
nc NOT water, which she throwed all over tba
squire Surs, you wood have spl,t vour
siues iarhn, to see the old man hmm nm and
no.ler aug run INTO the house. Exeep this
=, circumstance, all went as nes,v /
as carriage bell, as Lord Byrun seq r.,c.
tor Hntehinsis ofiss was hkew;sa ga &c
ana transparency on which was na;ntad ". ",
queen IN the act of drinkin sum &c CT. sio
lhsis invigorator, was stuck Into an. - " I
~inoers' me Batdassriae Baoie nj I,y.s,s
nno,ospaper offiss was also ilumernated e -
iolierln notices stuck out-"Tbe Press me
ATrkermJian leaver which moves tho w = me
. vote early Buckle on your orio'
NOW Is the time TO subscribe. = r armer.
morse q Field" .'Terms 81 so ra naiiAn ,.l
eral redncshnns to klubs.n Ia eha..
Iage OF baldnsville was in r,ertsc, r sne vll-
never seed 50 many people ,har lewroar.
tbs eosn aays lie not attempt to Seo"rha
t s,a scenes o. that crate night. w. descrloe
here ssw s yn"a.a try to do it Iba, N s,ou
,be rev ,a,a porous and enjoy ID Oatem e svp
ia the buzzn. - ~ scnooi master observes,
resur ~. "a 10 o. my ;a~ erly, shall then
'.,e 'ne t .aV" - o'' which I've bin into
twenty Two ~ yeats q SIX t6) munths.