North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1865-04-26
Af[istt.eQalleollls,
TaERnAG DRIVERS.

Bates drove the botted.aled wagon.
Gates drove the minerai-water wagon.
Bates was short, fat, and red.
Gates was tall, slim, and white.
Bates was entsrprising.
1 So was Gates. ..aa
Bates drove out of the city, and supplied
tsverns along the road.
And so did Gates.
Bates despised mineral water.
Gates despised bottled ale.
Now, it happened that as they often met
on the road, each considered that the other
supplied his customers, and the supplies OF
the other tended to undermine his own.
Entertaining feeling Of rivalry on this
account, for a long time, when they drove by
each other. they scowled and coughed def
sntlS, aud at last they camc to hostile words
for, one day, they chanced to meet Widow
Bluejay,s at the samo time, and lugged in
their bottles together. Here was proof pcsi
tive that each did supply the others custom
ers. '.
"The more ale people drink" argued
Gates, "the less mineral water they want.
That Injuries me.
"The more mineral water, the less ale they
call for,pf argued Bates. 81 don't like that"
The next time they met on the road ne.
ther would turn out they drove into each
other, and there was a jar Of bottles and bad
language.
b ates now told Gates that the next time
be caught him carrying any more Of his MIN
erai-water to Widow Bluejay's he'd thrash
him. And Gates said If Bates toted in any
more stale ale, and he was by, he would
smash him.
Each thought he had scared the other out
of that; but, few days after. Bates and
Gates again met there, and sat down scowlng
While each was angrily musng on the pros
pect of fight, to determine the fortunes of
ale, and mineral water at that place, two
young men entered and stood at the bar.
Ono called for bottled ale" had got over
his last spree by drinking mineral water" he
said, sand was now ready to 60 into ale
again"
The other called for mineral-wa.er-"b
was thursday, having drunk so much ale
yesterday"
Being told, "We're just out of eacb," they
left-one declaring, if he couldn't get ale, and
the other, if he couldn't get mineral water,
be would not drink at all.
"Sorry, my wagon is empty" said Bates.
'Sorry mine happens to be-" said Gates.
Each looked at the other, irresolntely, for
q moment, when some good spirit came
down and made peace between them-t was
Irish whiskey, proffered by the many jewel
led hand of W dow Biuejay herself.
''Ha, ha ~ laughed Bates, looking up at
mineral water.
"Ha, ha laughed Gates, ocking down at
We're on an even footing-and necessa-
~ to each other"
III make thirst
land I quench it.''
From that day ale and mineral water
popped corks together harmonously.
paddy, honey, will you buy my watch 2"
"And is it about selling your watch ye are,
Mike 2"
"Troth it is. darlInt."
"What's the price 2"
"Ten shliags and mutchin CT the crea
turo"
"Is the watch dacent one ~
"Sure, and I've had it twenty years and it
never once desaved me-"
"Well, here's your tin, aud now tell me
does it 90 well ?'
"Bedad, an it goes faster than any watch
in Uonnaught, Munster, Ulster or Leinster,
not barring Dublin >
''Cad luck to ye, Mike then you have taken
me in Ddn't you say it niver desaved
yea"
"Sure an mid nor did ii, for euer de
pended on it''
Lob