The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1865-12-06
PONTOoN PHILosOPHY.
..JOsh BIlIings,, In phiIadelphia

HAShAy amused laSSemblage were Scat-
teredall through the address, sometimes
in the shape of a big horse laugh, that
led to general explosion, at others
coming in aloud ouGburst of haw-haws,
We nuke the following extracts from
the report as published in the Inquircy.: ::
Nothing was more touching in this
life than to see n poor but virtuous
young man struggling with nous
tache.EPe Perhaps there is no scheme de-
Vlsed that affords more protection
against dying than policy of life IN
surance. Listen to the questions:
First. Are you male or femnIe2 IF so.
state how long you have SO continued.
Secondly. Have you ever had pa
rents, and how many? Nst
Thirdly. Have you ever had fits, and
If so, more than one at a timer and. T5,
Fourthly. Have you ever committed
suicide and If So how. did you feel
He had thought it was somebody's
duty to give thinks for fools in the
world; foriR there were none wise men
could not live. 9t
Though young men criticise the fig.
ures of young ladies, yet if she has
$40, 600 they think the figure about
He was once asked If he believed in
the universal salvation of men? He
said, at do. Let me pick the men. y,
he had heard, put beggar ON horse-
back, and he will ride to the devil, That
Is all right if the devil will send back
the horse. 20 fiH-hGs E;FTEE T'-E-T
He believed in female education. uro-
vided she hankered after it. But man
loves woman more if he does not have
to look up TO and admire her. Woman
loves most to have a true mans heart !:
to have ID she should not know more, or
else should pretend1no noC to know more. If
his words dampened any woman't, ar
dor he was willing to shed tears. Still
he had always found the greatest edu-
Gated women worked better in single
harness. He believed in giving good
doctrines in. sugar coated pills; they
wash down better and easier.
Sudden riches turn most peoples
headss I. Those people who groan be-
cause they are poor viii make others
groan when. they are rich. Shoddy and
petroleum have much TO answer for.
\ ou can tell the newly rich man by his
leading, the newspaper upside down.
and his wife by the 81 900 shawl spot
ted With grease, and No, five boots out
side ofiNo. seven feet. It was no crime
for a family to be rich, hut riches could
not make n family genteel. Suddenly
rich people are like n41Iattoes; they
ed for. ls15r ..7'..' -,
At this point he would state onions
We're good for bad breath; that Rock
away Chains are considered a good
opening for any young man; that you
cannot Judge of II Inan,s religion by
what he says, any more than You can
judge of the size of his linen by the
size of his shirt collar. And lastly, he
had concluded that trying to get to
heaven by mortifying the flesh was like
riding to the mill bareback, with bag
TnnnI nnniG
They are getting the fine arts perfect
~ now. One fellow in Boston has paint
ed a sorrel horse SO perfectly that the
hair all comes of. Another has pniiit-
ed a dog so we'll that his owner has of
fored $40 for ii, and no questions asked,
70 Pc IN artist cultivate your hair,
ana cr1ticise severely your friends
paintings, else folks will not know YOU
are better than they are.
He had looked into the philosophy of.
politenefss, and found it would take a
man where education and religion We're
of no good use. Difference will win
Iottener than double skies. Let n man
have his own way, and when YOU get TO
the forks of the road he will take yotlF
way, There Rre two kinds OF politeness
1.-The right and the two much politeness.
Geese had this last sort, and lowered
their heads in passing through an
eighteen feet door. fla man does not
|
ing an umberella over a basket of cells
in a storm. .l.l4-E. l5l af7 .r -
Love is great human IMPULSE
Mothers and childrenis love are ma
ture,s teachings. Nothing will SO open
mans pores as falling in love. II
makes his mouth like Il tin whistle, and
sOftens him down thoroughiy. -
There is undying love which lives as
long asgtngerpop; there is love at sight,
to whlcll"he- would add love for ninety
days; there is great deal of pontoon
love IN all of these. There is much de-
ceptiOnS but, like rats exterminator. it
VIII not hurt anybody but the rats. If
any one could read over their'oId court
ships; it would be like seeing a Chinese
Almanac. He would be unable. to read
the pictures, and sure the calculations
We're never Intended for his latitude.-
Americans must have sensations. and
EnglishInen laugh at us for it like an
s'!.l. o!d hen VINO sees her ducklings sailing
In our own Republic many would
like to have an arlstocracy. There are
three classes here-the money. the cod
fish and the pedigree aristocTaey,
he mad known a mosquito fight n
man and his wife all night long, and
draw the first blood. 1t was very easy
10 XII mosquito, If you can hit 1t, but
one Is very likely to miss it and hit the
place where it was.
he had looked at petroleum anxious
~, and satisfied himself IL was n bip,
bore. The size of the hole depended On
the bigness of the augur.
Waterfalls were keptin a big pudding
Dag, and tattened upon horse hair. IL
was not a disease to have this In1ess II
was tooibad. In the meantime prepare
tor the worst, for no one knows what
Will come next -7--7=7- -. -
Co9rnngts like straw berry and cream.
II ought TO be taken slow. One should
read fllgrlm's Progress, 1t would sus-
taln nun under his trials. He would
S9NlSe tne anxious one to be polite to
his dear ones mother. III After; six or
seven years he might be the pall-bearer
at another fellows marriage with her
Beauty is like the rainbow, full of
promise but short lived. The fool
cackIes before and the hen amer, the
egg is laid. If man fiatfers Won he Is
a knave or you fool. If Won have an
ltching for fame go into the graveyard
ana rub yourself against the stones.
a man who can wear a collar all the
week is not tit for much else. A man
with one idea is like goose irving to
hatch paving stone.
,,Ialaannusst MANIFEST destiny is like being at a
place before vouRet there. He Thought
once he had manifest destiny; It broke
out IN the shape OF poetry. The ans
Wer was, young man, you may be n
1901, but you are no poet.
Kissing never goes out of fashion.
but still 1t is rather dangerous to kiss
ones neighbor's wife, even If she
likes it. .sal.q l-i % '.gUs 20 4-7-IG
Bashtulness soon wears of; modesty
never does. The former often conceais
ignoranee; the latter virtue. If a man
begins life with being second lieuten-
ant OF a family, he Will never get
The good Of life consists in PLAYING
ones poor cards well Man ,raa e.