The weekly pioneer and Democrat. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. Territory) 1855-1865, 1865-05-05

exquisitely adapted to one another, by
nature and education, that they can acquire
the art of living happily together without
sacrifices of habit, taste and feeling. After
the glow and delusion of the honeymoon
are passed, each has to learn that the other
has faults which were not perceived before,
each has to discover that the other Is q
fallible and limited human being-not an
angel, not hero, not saint. Each has
acquired, in their previous course through
life, q bundle of those sustinate things call
ed habits, some of which are sure to seem
unreasonable and unwise, and none of
which can be laid aside without an effort
Each has formed strong attachments, and,
perhaps, strong opinions. The habits con-
flict, the opinions clash, and unless each of
the mated two cherish the true spirit of
friendly compromise, unhappiness is GER
tain to follow quick upon the tumultuous
joy of the espousal.
Generally, this spirit of mutual conces-
sion is not acquired Immediately. The art
OF living together justly and joyously is
one which is intrinsically difficult, and upon
which the appointed teachers of men throw
a little light. II tenth part of the ge-
MUS and toll which have been wasted upon
questions of metaphysics had been expend-
ed in calculating the laws relating to the
human temper, we should by this time,
probably, have reached important and def
mite principles, the knowledge Of which
would greatly smooth the path that leads
to married happiness. As it is, we have all
to solve the great problem unassisted, and
to learn the secret after many months or
years of experience, more or less bitter,
according as our natures are more or less
reasonable.
One error, We find, is cherished by
nearly all unhappy married people name
ly, each thinks that the fault is all on the
other side. The husband takes it for
granted that all would be we'll with them
If only his aoife were little different from
what she is, and the wife feels sure that
perfect happiness would be the instantane-
Gus result if only that husband of hers
was not quite so unreasonable. In almost
all cases this opinion is erroneous. There
cannot be quarrel unless both are at
fault. There can be a permanent es-
arrangement without grievous fault on both
sides. If one is exacting, the other is too
yielding. If in one there is lack of con-
siderateness, there is on the other want
of irmness.
As general rule the husband holds in
his hands the happiness of all bis house.
hold-his own, his wifes, their children.
There is scarcely one woman in a thousand
who will not at length become just, con-
ciliatory, and kind, if her husband is firm,
just and tender. When a man has at
tanned self-control, he has acquired SUI
premacy over all who are still slaves of
caprice and ill temper. A woman has
many causes of iiritability that are un-
known to men. She cannot be forgiven
too much; there is no degree of charity
and tenderness to which her character,
her sutterings, and her Importance do not
entitle her.
The frs. step towards the harmonizing
of discordant pair is for one of them to
ascertain the true state of the case and to
cease everything like recrimin alton. The
man ought to do this; and if he does it,
happiness is almost sure to revisit the dis
tracted house. The woman is less potent,
but there are many miserable houses which
could be restored to peace if the wife
could acquire certain degree of forbear.
ance and equinimity. One of the them,
however, must undertake the task and
it will invariably be that one which has
the largest soul and generally the one that
has the most to forgive.