Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1865-12-22

We had light yeAteFday. III WAS
well executed collision between COM
batants; and We are happy to say that,
in consequence of our superior si2D and
fighting capacity, we came otfconquorcr.
It happened on this wise: We had ta-
ken very hearty dinner OF beef-steak
and other iixin's and proceeded 20 at
tend to our journalistic duties. It was
probably about fifteen minutes aitOr we
had bplted some indigestIble article at
the table, when fellow BY the name OF
Jones, strapping, gangiing cusss "
of immense spread of abdomen aud an
im,nenser destitutlon of puglastic tai
ont, presented himself to our nercep"
tiOn4.
Are vou the local editor?r Inquired
he with II rush of blood To tho face, and
a diabolical suuint ut the subscriber.
~ are" said w. with little trenor
in our voice, and quiver in our logs:
Did you write that paragraph under
the head Of police items, sir"' asked
the fellow in an awfully menacing tone,
showing us paper.
"Ahem--ch-wh hat ?" said we, fcignlng
to misunderstand the chap, in order to
gain time for reflection.
" Did you write that paragraph, sir?'
repeated he in a louder tone.
" Yes sir, but
just Ib lIlaj tlIlltlltlE uS
threw out his left muulef with conaldcra-
bile power which we lodged by running
under his arm, and getting In hls rear.
He was not prepared for this flank
movement; and before he was ablo 10
! turn around to resume offensive opera
LtiOns, he received two applications or
| boot leather which made him howl
! like q tempest on the coast OF Norway!
| He turned on us, and planted q well di-
rectCl blow, not against our hcai aJ
which he aimed, but against the wall OF
tho sanctum for we had again lodged
his tremendous fist. While he was Cx-
amiuing Che blood which was trickling
from his mauglaI knucklCa, we took
him a pocler on the central figure of his
countenance and for the next second
or two, he possessed some of the quail
ties Of dismQstGd schooner. lie rallied,
however, and managed TO give us
blow In return which revealed thous-
and stars in the room, ana cohlpelIea
US, all most in spite Of ouIsalf, to adopt
the prayer Of our childhood:
And nov ! lny mo down 70 sleep.
Ipray the Lord my soul 70 keopl'
Feeling. however that It would be
disgracoful TO yield except in the last
ditch, we Strengthened ourself, and
went in on our muscle. We ran our
head like pilc-iriver into his stomach;
and before he was able to climb above
the hight ofhi5 aston tshment, we clinch-
ed him and then regular tu9sle cnsued.
Chairs were thrOwn from their Pedestale,
and went smashing around the ROOM
Oar old round table tunbled from Its
venerable legs, and rcy0lved like top
for halfaminutG. Exchanges, allunused
to such iniiguities, were trampied un-
der foot by the furious combatants.-
At length we stumbled over disman-
tied chair, and came To the floor with
crash which made the building tlemble.
We are paiued to sny that we were tho
under dog in the fight but we are hap
DIV to add that we had a fine hold of our
antagonists luxurlnt hair, and we had
a magnificent field for lAttitudinai kick
ing. Pulls nltcruatei with Kicks until
Jones hai headache aud, in addition.
he was afflicted with II pUFistaltic aifec-
ton of the stomach and bowels.
Let's compromise nc family
" "All right" said we with scnsa-
ton of unutserabie felicity. We both
got up, talked over the matter, agreed
to separate in friendship ;andit was no.
tiCeable when we parted, that the tears
of brotherly love were gliatening IN our
eyes. How much big fight has to do
in making people respect and love each
other!
=. IS. Precisely at half past one o'clock,
we awokc from q feVcr'sh sleep, and
found that we had been dreaming. In
digestion had large Investment In
that visionary fight. We haven't seen
Jones since.
How TO APPRECIATE WIVES. --Ac-
coIding to the laws OF the Greek church
its clergy may marry oHce; but il the
wife dies, they are not allowed to choose
a successor--a strange interpretation of
st. Paul's injunction TO the young Bish-
op of Ephesus, q Tim. 3; 2, Ii is said,
and may easily be believed, that this
reapcct and attention than is usually
the lot Of hor sex in the Cast,
a gentleman residing liz Syria was
exceedingly surprised on opca entering
the hongc of leading priest, 20 find
him engaged in washing the linen OF
the househoid; and OH inquiring the
reason Of such an apparently unclerieal
occupation, the reverend papas replied:
" do this 20 save my wife labor, that
she may live the longer; for, you know,
O, Kyric! that the law of our church
docs not permit me to have another,
aud ! wish to Keep tasa as long asl
cam
some OF our fair eoantYywoYnan may
think that similar statute elsewhere,
embracing the laity a. we'll as Tie cleT-
gy, would DO good: aaii should they
succeed, for which some of them are
indafally contcadiag, there can be no
doubt that &c should have q .sNo Scc-
ond wife Y tieketin the field,
Numerically, the two raxcs IRE about
equal; and with the cid as confirmed
lold bachelors, wAsm they well know
| how to caiole and brIbe. tic triumph of
the new party would ba certain. We
tadvise MI husbands, therefore, to take
tile most tender care Of their present
spolacs, ike the good SyrianI Iricst.