American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1865-10-05
ARTEMUS WARDS AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
BY HIMSELF.
NEW YORK, near Fifth Avenoo Hotel,
Org. 3lct.

IHe 10 ocuu yOu sOuC ICduiu iuSiuCuto IL
my life, SO you can write my Byografy
fur the papers, cum dooly to hand.
hav no doubt that a article on my life
grammatically jerked, and properly pune
tooated, would be addition to the liter,
stoor ov the day.
To the youth of Ameriky it would be
vallyable as shown how high pinnyce
of fame a man can reach who commenst
his kareer with a small canvas tent and a
pea green OK, which be rubbed it Of
while scratchin hisself agin the centre
pole, causin in Railway, N. j., a indis-
eliminating mob to say that humbugs
wood not go down in them village. The
OK resoomed agricultooral pursoots short
ly afterwards.
next tiled my hand at givin blind
man concerts, appearin as the blind man
myself But the Infamous cuss who |
hired to lead me around town in the day
time to excite sympathy drank freely of a
spiriluous Ticker unbeknowns to me one
day, and while under them influence he
led me into the canal. | had to either
tear the green bandidge from my eyes
or be drowned. l thort l would restore
my eyesight.
In written about these things. Mr.. Ed
tier, kinder smooth 'em over Speak
of 'em as eccentrissitys Of genus.
My neat venture would hav been sue.
cess if hadn't tried to do too much. I
got up a series Of wax fggers, and
among them one Of Socrates. hort a
wax fgger of old Sock wood be poplar
with edicated people, but unfortunitly l
put n brown linen duster & U. S. Ar
my regulation cap on him, which people
with classykd eddycashun sed it was
farce. This enterprise was unfortunit
10 other respecks.
At certain town | advertised a wax
6gger of the Hon'ble Amos Perkins, who
was a railroad president. and big per-
son in them parts. But it appeared had
showed the same fgger for a Purit named
Gibbs in that town the previs season,
which created a intense tumult, Il the
audience remarked "shame onto me-"
and other statements Of the same smilar>
ness. | tride to molliGy 'em. l told
EN- that any family possessin children
could have my she tiger to play with half
day, and | wouldn't charge 'em cent,
but alas it was of no avail. was forced
to leave, and infer from artikel in the
Advertiser of that town. in which the
editer says: "Altho time has siIvered this
mans head with It's frJsts, he still brszen
y walIows in infamy. Still are his
snakes stuffed, and his wax works unre.
liable. We are glad that be has conclu-
ded TO never revisit this town, altho, in
credible as it may appear, the fellow did
contemplate so doing last summer; when.
still true to the craven instinct of his
black heart, he wrote the hireling knaves
of the obscure journal across the street
TO know what they would charge for 400
small bills, to be done on yellow paper
We shall recur to this matter again"
say, l infer from this srtikle that a
prejudish still exists agin me in that
town.
will not speak of my once being in
straitened circumstances in a certin town,
and Of my endeavorin to accumulate
wellh by letlin myself to Sabbath school
picnics, to sing ballsds adapted to the un-
derstaL din OF little children, accompany
ing myself on the cariomet-which for
got where was one day, singin, instead
Of 20, how pleasant to be a little child"
Grip snap-set EN- up agn
Right in the middle OF three ceut pie.
which mistake, added to the fact that |
couldn't play onto the clarionet, except
making howl dismal, broke up The
picnic.
In your artikel, Mr.. Editer. please tell
'em what sort of q man am.
Ii you see fit to criitersize my show,
speak your mind freely. do not obiekt
to crittercsm. Tell the public, in a can.
did and graceful arlikel. that my show
abounds in moral aud sariin curosities.
any one Of whom is wuth double the price
of admission,
1 have thus spds Of myself exclusively
as a exhibitor.
was born in the State Of Maine, of
parents. AS infant, | attracted a good
deal Of attention. The nabers would stand I
over my cradle for hours and say, "How
bright that face looks How much il,
nose !" The young lsdys would carry
me round in their arms, sayin l was mug
zer's bezzy dsrlin, and sweety 'eety
little ting. 1t was nice. tho wasn't old
enuf to properly appreciate it. I'm a
healthy old darlin' now.
Ihave alters sustained good moral
character. was never q rsilroal di>
rector.
Altho iu early life l did not Invariably /
con6ne myself to truth in small bills. !
have been gradOOlly GROWN ssspeciabler
and respectabler every Car. luv my
children, and never .sistske another mans
wife for my OWE. I'm not member Of
any mee,;n house, but firmly believe IN
meet;n houses, aud shouldn't feel safe to