Delaware gazette. [volume] (Delaware, Ohio) 1855-1886, 1865-02-10
ALMosr DIVORCED.

One would not guess they had ever differ
0nce in their lives, just TO see Mr.. and Mrs.
Puffsr jogging along comfortably together in
the same straight backed green wagon, drawn
by the same pumpkin-and- milk horse which
took them home on the first day of their hon.
ey moon; or, if not the very same horse, one
precisely like it. Neither would one think it
TO see them Of Sunday-he in sky-blue swal-
low-tailed coat, and she in her invisible green
satin bonnet, sailing off like tug-bOat tow
ing a1fu1l-rigged schooner, he being exceeding
ly spare, and she being exceedingly portly.
And yet they once came as near dissolviBg
into twain again as one flesh ever did. No
one knows of it however, excepting Council
lor Sabin and !; and now, if tell it to you,
you are BY no means to repeat the story.
Long and long before Mrs. PuHer was
puffy old woman in caps and spectacles,
when shs. was, instead plump, apple-iaced
girl, with eyes the color OF whortleberries and
skin the color of milk, she had way very
taking to the youths of her acquaintance-a
way Of which, discover, she and her coevals
by no means secured the monopoly; for, truly
as write, see under the elm tree by my
window, a maiden, IN line of descent full two
generations later, standing idly enough, swing
ing her parasol to and fro, and smiling up
from under the green ribbons of her Jockey,
as innocent and artless as a damask rose !;
and know, as sure as sure can be, that every,
careless wave and motion is to that boy be-
side her-a being with hair parted behind
shining with oil, and with no beard worth
naming-as the twisting Of spiders web
around teuderhearted fly. ~
But do not pity his weakness in letting a
bit Of blue-eyed calico sway him back and
forth as lightly as she does her spotted han
died parasol, because l know they are only
playing at game of see-saw, and years hence
Master win be up and then down. Then it
will be my lady's turn to fetch and carry, willie
she believes tender word and smile will
make amends for everything.
"Punctured by pins and tortured by fears, I"
yet I rejoice in his pangs and doubts, for the
time is brief enough. I'll warrant me that he
plays the mouse and she the cat in their sto
~. So also am glad in my heart for every
prick and torment that the whortleberries and
milk wrought upon young Pufer's callow
heart while he was away back in spencers and
soap locks; because am positive it was alone
Of his mans despotism and love of self that
/ have this story to tell.
There came a time, Of course, when, having
carded and spun and wove and made her
twelve dozen of everything after the manner
Of olden time princessess, this plump, white
faced girl, dressed in muslin, heavily embroid-
cred by her own crafty fingers, and further
decorated by wreath of apple buds and wild
myrtle upon her hair-which was of itself like
a whole bush Of whortleberries-in the pres
ence Of admiring witnesses, was made Mrs.
Puffer by a dignifed, venerable clergyman,
who lived in the times when ministers were
not mere men. Thus her marriage had the
grace and good omen Of being ceremony in
which solemnity and good sanctity impressive
ly mingled. And Mrs. Grundy, who by no
means confines herself to camp and court,
affirmed there had never been a wedding in
Northumberland which promised better /;
though the wretch took care to add, with a
hypocritical sigh, that good beginnings make
sometimes sorriest eudngs. The wretch was
right, too, as she most frequently is in meas
ure, for Of truth the heaviest tempests some
times come conveyed by remarkably bright
mornings.
The mother Of mischief is no bigger than q
midge's wing; and let me- who am an old bird
tell you, young aspirant after the holy sacra-
ment Of matrimony, little secret worth doz-
en- Of love powders and magic potions. Never
for any consideration, as you value your do
nestle bliss, intimate by word. look or gesture,
that the lord Of you-modsst man-is, may,
can, must or will be in the wrong upon any
possible occasion. Believe heartily in the
perfection of his attributes, if you Hre able to;
such an annihilation Of your judgement and
common sense will make you more comforta-
bic, doubtless, although it is not totally essen
tial. The appearance, however,,if not the re-
ality, most certainly is; therefore, in either
event, die and give no sign. Unfortunately
for Mistress Puffer, but fortunately for the
story, she lived too long ago to have the ben
eft of my large experience and ready benev-
Olsnce, and 50 Of her own knowledge she must
End
''AlAs, how easily things go wrOng''