The Placer herald., 1865-04-22
MR. CARBOY'S OPINIONS.
NIGHT THE FOURTH.


4 and at the Girard House-Mrs Carboy
a still dubious as to her lord and masters s
u truth and peracity.
\ Maria. we'll move next week. Your fasci,
mating Carboy no more will, be at the mercy
of tyrants and the oppressors of mankind-
and other landlords. I've struck lie. En-
Why can't l come home sober one night IN
the week? Mariar Angelic being! were Il
to come home sober one night in the week,
it would be setting bad example, and rails
: ing false hopes. You'd be expecting me
home sober every night. A man who is
married, Mariar, is independent. lie 'fas a
Bright to do as he pleases, and il he plS Sases
: to do right, its all right. That's me. I'm
r there, When man marries his husband
r sno, mean when a husband marr.s his man
8-d-n it, Mariar, don't stare at me as if
were on exhibition for pos,erity only one
$night more-when a man marres-ah, I've
ggot it--when a-man marres his wife, its his
Swite's duty to stay married. Fact is, Mariar,
Syou're good sort of woman. Any womans
Ia good sort of a woman when she holds her
tongue Eh? What's that I said about oil
and mopinq2 Where TIE been all nigAR
gMariar, I've been up to the Giraffe house
q I'm a director. Marian, in an oil tract
awhat's tha'9 You guess TIE been drinking
asome kind of oil do you? There you 90
Aagaln, Marian. don't drink oil. Well, |
!; twas going to tell you, met Spriggins-you
Mknow Spriggins - great man-very great
Eaman, especially at home. Spriggns is Pres
sAident of the Blk Creek and Skunk's Misery
aOil Company, shares unlimited. capital lin
sAited, and no dividends TO outsiders. Sprg
ggins took me by the arm and led me up tc
sathe Giraffe house.
n Spriggins introduced me to Muggins anC
XDiggins, the millionaires? Eh! You !gues
SitS more airs than millionsS You're a fool
EWelI Muggins has discovered another wei
Sson the Blk creek tract. That we'll, Marar
zthrows up forty seven hundred gallons day
Gall barreled refined, and ready for use. Eli
4 You don't believe it2 OF course not Look
fthere, Marar, there are thirty shares of the
EBilk creek. got EN- as personal favor
4 atonight, on time, at thirty per cent. premium
aStocks run so high that it's out of the mar
ket, cant be bought, and consequently is not
Squoted in the stock list.
Mariar, our fortunes are made. The name
Sof Carboy will be handed down to posterity
las the Cresus of his time. can do any
/ Thing with oil Eh9 I'd better make 1t get
sme a decent coat, and yo@ dress to your
sboch@ My name henceforth is Petroleum.
AIhem shares, Marar, is fortune shall
sbuy out Ned Forests Broad street house,
J put up new addition to the rear of it, and
whats that, you ungraiefu woman! I'd
sbetter bug uictuols .frsH There's no butter
sin the house, no bread and no -four to make 1t
aoH Glad of it. Butter is unhealthy, and if
athere aint any bread we won't need the butt
ater. Oil, Mariar, let us live on oil. Whales
spout no more; hogs. your lard is worthless
aEha Don't be a fool9 won't Tharo, tina,
awhisky's gone-no it aint, either Mariar
ait is half-past twelve o'clock, and no respect
Gable married woman should be out of hel
svirtuous couch. Leave the cares and abors
of the remainder Of this night to your illus
4trious and soon.to-be wealthy Carboy. Seems
3 to me that clock is fast-it goes on tick
5 rather swift. EhG Tee been going on tick all
amy life, hare IS That's false. Time was
amade for slaves and landlords. My BREATH
2dont smell Of petroleums Haven't they an
3olcohol aceU at the Giraffe House2 No, marm
grhey've got specimen bottles Of different
3oils. You see Mariar, TO test the oil, and|
$fnd out whether it is impregna,ed with alIu-
avial carbon, or double strata of hydrostatic|
lep,halmium, it is only necessary to taste it.
ajust touch of the tongue. You can look
lat it through g ass. staid there four
Ahours, and tasted the entire lot. The last
bottle didn't have much strata to it. Eli?
Wasn't 1t rather heavy? Seems to have tired
ame outS Perhaps it did. Mariar, I've brol
ayou present. It's a Iiquifed Mariar. No.,
| mean-Ugh That whisky tastes queer
It's iquified species of petrfed putty, put
up in something, with something tied around|
8t-beautfuI, isn't it? Eh! What's H fors|
oWhy, it's J. Reds Camel of Paris, for filling
up the wrinkles on your face, and making
! Hyou look as young and lovely as you did on|
that rainy day when married you. That
cost me, Mariar, five dollars, more or less
IEh9 Il good zeal lessS Ye-es, rather
What? It's not Red Camel of Paris? It's!
Email de Paris, and youW kiss me for it9I
Don't Mariar. know you are grateful, but
don't kiss me. Omit the kissing Tm used
to that. Go to bed Mariar and dream of1
sailing on sea of Petroleum, where every
wave is a we'll, every fish floating pump,I
and your own Carboy "A Shark. 4 Whis-
key barrel more like? There's gratitude forE
|you! Mr.. Carboy re,ires to the lounge, and
bids farewell to all knowledge of mundane
things for the night.
A Convention of hoomer damsels is said|
Ito have resolved that they twill wear shorl
dresses, or nothing" What an awful thng|
it would be if they should not wear short
dresses!
A man out West gives his geese, once al
week, dose of "Iudian Vegetable PIIs."-|
We have often thought the best thing for|
ducks was quack medicine.
A railway is to be built in Palestine. I'll
Twill connect Jaffa with Jerusalem, will bel
40 miles long, and with barbor at Jaffa|
Imill coef 40 KIM mn