The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1865-08-26
VARIETY.

Why ere people who stutter not to be relied on ]:
Because they are aIwaJs breaking their word.
Why DO hens always lay in the day time Be-
cause night they become rOOsters.
Why may carpenters reasonably believe there IS
no such thing stones Because they ii.
A German writer says young girl is q fishing
rod the eyes the hook the smile the bait, the lover
the gudgeon, and marriage the batter in which he is
fried.
For The NCRsERY-Where must little boys who
put their fingers in their mouths expect to 20 to
Why, GGlw-tEumb-erlaEd, you bad child.
&" Why, Hans, ycu have the most feminine cast Of
counteuauce have ever seem - On, yah re-
piled Hans, 8. know the reason for dstnine moder
SO8 q woman -
- Thou art a little bear, Slsian,' said q Quaker
"A fashionable belle at evening party - Sir 80
exclaimed the dismayej About the shoulders,
! mean" smilingly replied the brOadbrim.
\ married who out at q whist party,
when he proposed going home, vas urged TO stay u
little longer - Well, nc replied, perhaps may
wells my wife, probably. is already Is mad as she
can be -
Two wags we're speaking about the fancy dresses
they intended wearing forthcoming Meo- ChO-
Tean- ball on Easter Monday. &" On - said cync,
- shall 30 disguised in liquor" DON'T was the
Immediate reply, - every one viii recognize you"
4 gentleman passing through of public
Offices was altrOned by some clerks, and advised
70 complain the principal, which ne did, thus g
have been abused here by OF the rascas OF this
place, and came 10 Hcquaint you Of It, as under
stand you arc the principal -
An uusophisticIted countrymln, the other day,
coming to Washington, sa6 a military officer, follow
ed a respectable distance b. two Orderes, IN full
galIoP. - Good gracious =! said he - haven't caught
him YETI Was IN about three weeks sgo, and they
- runnin after him then"
Tne other day several gentlemen were discussing
the alarming prevalence vi the crime Of vile deser-
tiOn, women eIoPinZ With other men, etc, when a
we'll know Teu0n, who had been listening with great
attention. stepped up, and IN decided manner,
-ll '' If my wife away mid anoder mans wife,
l shall shake him Of her preeches, if she had
been mine own fiier, mine GOot -
An Irish sergeant, being a march az the head
Of the company, saw a dog running towards him
with open mouth ready 10 make snap. The
gsaut having tsed his bayouet, 1t down the
dogs throat all killed him The owner coming up
demSu lei ci thc . SOu of Mars Why he conld not
~ vel have struck him with the butt end Of his
nUsSe'.
'.Arrab,'' says Pat . and surely 50 [ would it he
hal only ran q; me With HI tail first
OEIGiS OF N,rBIvssIsL'' JEALoUsr.-AIam
used % % to Heaven IN tie evening 10 pray. One
time SATAN mole friendly call Adam ; residence,
snd Eve, not knowing where her husband bad gone,
iittIe peJulAnt an lonesome Satan told her that
Adam had gone Heaven 70 call on another woman
ne supposed It was al right; he was averse TO
making mischief IN families. but, really, the con-
duct q her husband reusrkable. in thus leaving
20 beautiful a woman alone He then took Eve To- a
f5uu,liu aud shovel her the picture Of the
her EU-bsud IN the habit Of visiting Adam
came home, after while, ani got regular blowing
up. and they made mu:u noise about II that Doth
we're uuce-emouiou-y kicked out OF Paradise
To city editors IN need o! Interesting news. We
would recommend a display Of the inventive powers
called into re4ui-itiOu by the author of
An IRISH ACCIDENT
The efitor Jf newspaper published IN 3 country
town Of ireland was one diy told by his foreman
that an article of lines required 70 al the
paper Kill . child for Mrs. Hoo!ahan - said the
editor How will kiLI 1t - the foreman asked.
80 Let il be run over the editor responded. In
few moments the foreman again entered the sanctum,
ant informed the editor that he had just put III type
paragraph stating that Mrs. HOolahan's daughter
bal been run over by a drGy cart, and instantly
sI.iei- ' But.' the foreman sdded, 1t only makes
seven lines, AMI I three more Three
mores" the editor asked - Well, put in post
script and contradict the report. Say the child was
not killed, bat that stray duck was run over and
7praIued It's Suee- pint