The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1865-01-26

HINT To HUsBANDs.-f your wife is
dull and you want her to brighten, why
drive her to Brighton, if the sleighing is
good N. B. This is play upon the word
brighten.
Madrid is about to erect in honor of Co
lumbus. monument, to the construction
of which the municipality, the Royal Gov
eminent and private individuals will all con
tribute.
Eg A New York firm claims to have per-
fected method Of making gas from petro-
leum OIL by which it can be supplied at half
the price Of ordinary gas Of course it is a
better article
Eg- A traveller who met countrymaa in
mourning made the observation ''You
have lost some of your friends, see." Eyes
distant relativc?'' swell, purity distant
bout twenty four mile"
Eg- A Connecticut man has invented a
watch which will run three hundred and
seventy light days with once winding. 1t
is not stated how many days it takes to
wind it up nor how the owner is to be re-
minded that it is nearly run down.
Eg- An old lady in West Virginia poured
some petroleum oil along the the streams on
her farm to enable her to sell it, and finally
sold it for round sum, besides one eight
interest in any oil that might be found,
thinking she had 'done" the spectators
nicely. But the joke is on the other side
now, q well having been struck that yields
one hundred barrels of oil day.
Eg- The new seal of the State of Nevada
is nine inches in circumference, so big, in
fact, that it almost becomes necessary to
put documents upon it, instead of putting it
upon documents The design represents the
sun rising over mountains, railroad train
a quartz mill, tunnel, man dumping ore,
and a six-mule team hauling rock The
motto is, Haul for our country.
Coop ADvIoE.-An exchange gives the
following, which is sound "Never buy
goods of dealer who don't advertise. You
can be sure that he is close, stingy and lacks
sufficient energy to take advantage Of the
market and buy cheap. In fact it is a safe
rule to set down that you will have to pay
twenty per cent more for goods to a mer-
chant who don't advertise, than one who
does"
GO Herschel V. johnson, the Douglas
candidate for Vice President in 1860, had
all his silver ware and household valuables
taken from him by the Yankees, during the
march through Georgia. He had everything
buried in his garden, and cellards species
of cabbage, growing owe. it, but the patriots
''found out the joke" and unearthed r. aud
appropriated his treasures.
Fg When MIR. Justice O'Doherty presi-
ded as an assize judge on the Munster cir
cult he hired a car to take him to friends
house to dinner. He had not gone far when
the horse became FESTIVE and upset the car
in a ditch. On being released, the Judge
asked the driver how long the horse had
been in harness. ''Half an hour sir" l
mean how long since he was first put in
harness ?" ''Half an hour sir; and master
said, if he carried you safe, he'd buy him i,
Ea5 A little boy had a colt and dog, and
his generosity vas often tried by visitors
asking him, just to hear what he would say,
to give them one of his pets. One day he
told gentleman present that he might
have tue colt, reservipg the dog, much to
the surprise of his neither, who asked: sWhy
Jackey, why didn't you give him the dog ?"
Say nothing, mother when he goes to get
the colt I'll set the dog on him."
81 In Lady Morgan's memoirs, story
is told of gentleman who was denouncing
ID certain bishop, and concluded violent
philippe by declaring that his lordship was
50 heretical in church observances that he
would ''eat horse on Ash Wednesday ="
''Of course he would, said friend of the
Bishop-"Of course he would, if it was a
fast horse ~ @