The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-09-19

crumbs of advice rs being stale and dry,
and distasteful to her moral palate, and
who is yearning to possess a husbqnd-
could see into tx dead future of her
conjugal life-behold the handsome
idol Of her affections slumbering, his
mouth wide open, like the jaws of an
old fashioned rat trap, his hair pulled
hi tangled masses over his head, sec his
clothing scattered all over the room,
overlooked by d pair OF great heavy
boots, with all his snoring and gutteral
wind catching; if she should catch a
scent of his whisky-laden breath; hear
him swearing at the coffee, anathemaiz.
ing the buiscuit, and sending to ever
lasting perdition the meat, and inding
fault with everything with his wife
she would not leap up so quickly, nor
run so enthusiastically when she hears
her favored lovers voice demanding
an interview. % if ns ,las
+ Think if l were to become n widow
and be compelled, by the force of cir
cumstances, OF the ycarnings of wom-
ans nature. to marry again, ! should
choose fat man, a three hundred
FOUNDER. Never, oh! never q lean
man. They are, these lean men, per-
fcctly frighGul in their little piccadilloes
and delinquencics. 1t is the fat and
unactious dog that lays about the house
and never goes abroad. 1t is your
gaunt, lean yellow dog that dispises
home, always dissatisfied, and keeps
himself thin as rail by his constant
wanderings from home,
Avoid lean husband ladies, and
above all, avoid one who, in his addi
ton to leanness, expresses devotion
to temperance. My husband was great
OH temperance while counting me, but
he fell from grace very soon after,
Marry fat man. They are too in
dolent to dispute your authority and if
they do grumble, give them an extra
dose of beer and beef, and they are
crushed. H'ua
But even lean husbands can be sub
dued, and brought to see the evil OF
their ways, by rcsolute, determined
way. / have cured mine effectually
billiards., or cucher, and every other
time-killing nonsense. He is wonder
fully domestic Just now.
The manner in which / tanned my
husband, prehaps, might not operate
with all Of that like.
First, I pretended sickness, and then
got rid of my hired girl, thereby com
pelling my husband to get UP and build
fires in the morning, go to market. and
attend the baker and mik-man
But at the outset, this proceeding
rs thought, made him stay away la
ter than ever. / fixed that. One day
/ sent for the locksmith and had a new
dead latch put upon the door. On this
occasion he did not come home unit
two o'clock. heard him fiimbling and
swearing at his key and at the key-hole
"Damn the key" / had been ar
reused by his noise at the door, and
was watching him through the blind,
of our bedroom vindow. He pullet
the bell. knob, he knocked, he went il
TO the gtreet, gathered up bits of stones
and threw them up against the binds
thinking Twas asleep.
"Aha, my man I'ye got you this
hitchp' He danced on the door-steps
walked across the street, looked at on
walked back again, did ;
little more swearing, then sat on thu
door sill, then began again at the key
hole with his key. In vain! AT last
disheartcned and awfnlly sleepy, he re
sumed his seat on the door-sill and
there slept until daylight, when | let
him in.
"Got the lock changedr' he exclaim
ed, when ] told him.
ayes and Master Henry, I'll have i
changed every time you stay out afte
eight o'clock, unless you come hom
first 10 your supper and report your
self" lie ripped around for time
but when gave him new key he be
came quieter, and SO the game wa
opened.
1t cost the price of three locks, ant
with the third he gave in.
/ IialTaped his whisky, and that stop
ped that leak. He don't drink at hom
now. He is model in every thin,
except the hugging and kissing depart
ment. / cant make him as enthusias
tic in these domestic essentials as h
was in the earlier days of our married
life. He says lie don't like such tom
foolcry. think, however, | will cur
him of that delinquency yet. If h
can stand it can.
Yours, ladies, comfortably,
AxN Marina CRJrTIIEps.