The Shasta courier., 1865-05-06
Orpheus C. Kerr's Latest and Best.

This genial humorist has emerged from the
shadow, brilliant as ever. He is now one of
the numerous corps of writer's attached to
the New York Leader. We select a part Of
his last letter, He has dismissed the couserv.
ative Kentucky chap, and forthwith introdu-
ces Captain Munchausen of the Southern Con.
federacy. The Mark Tapley policy of the
Confederate journals is happily illustrated ::
Right behind him came remarkable be-
ing. attired in gray cloth and a prodigious
thicket of whiskers, through the latter of
which his eyes glared yellowly, like the bot
ties of an apothecary's shop down the street.
As he approached nearer, he hastily put on
pair of partially -dissected white cotton gloves,
and casually re.arranged the strip of carpet
binding which served him as a full-dress era.
vat.
Yours, truly" said Captain Bob Shorty.
removing from his brow an unexampled con-
gomeration of rags in the last stages of cap
and handing it to a faithful contraband who
attended him.
"Why, then," said Captain Bob Shorty,
dofing his own cap, and tucking up his sleeves
in the name of the United States of America,
l propose to move upon your works immedi-
ately."
And now, my boy, do peculiarly lament
my lack of those unspeakable intellectual
gifts which enable the more rifned reporters
of all our excellent moral daily journals to de.
scribe the fstc achievements OF the noted Ar
kansas Mule and celebrated Jersey Bantam
in manner that delights every well-conduc.
ted breakfast table in the land. and furnishes
exquisite reading for private families.
Forward hopped Captain Bob Shorty, as
though on springs his elbows neatly squar-
ed, his fists held up like couple of apples on
sticks, and his head poised as though it had
just started to look round corner With
fists to match, and eyes shining like the bot
toms of glass bottles, the wary Munchausen
scuffles cautiously back from him in half
circle. Now they make skips toward each
other and now they skip back. Anon an
arm is raised, and is parried and then they
balance to partners, and then they hop back
was gazing at all this, my boy, in speech
less admiration. when suddenly | saw the
dexter hand of Captain Bob Shorty pierce the
enemy's lines, and explode with tremendous
force on Munchausen's nose. For moment
there was a sound as of Confederate blasphe-
my but in a moment the chivalric Munchau-
sen was himself again.
" Ah !" said Captain Bob Shorty, agreea.
bly,, " did you see the star-spangled banner
that time?"
"Sir,n said Munchausen, with tears in
his eyes. " am thankful that my nose is bro
ken. 1t is blessing for | had nothing to
smell with it, and only wasted my strength in
its special defence"
Here Cabtain Bob Shorty looked iovially at
me, my boy, and says he: by all that's Fcde-
raj amt he jolly?"
Come on to thy ruin roared Munchausen
from behind his rapidly increasing nose and
again the battle ragged.
Now did Captain Bob Shorty side to the
left, with view to fanking; but two col
umns of the enemy met him there Next the
agile Munchausen attempts, by quick turn,
to take him in the rear of bis position. but
finds a strong body of five divisions hurled
upon his headquarters with an impetuosity
that knocks out half his teeth.
cart satisfied, Horatio?" said Captain
Bob Shorty, with more or less Bowery Thea
ter in his manner.
An awful smile appeared upon what were
Ii.
1t was so full of scorn, you know.
"Sir," said he, with nuch chivalrv of
bearing, and some difficulty of utterance, my
Jaw is broken, but | thank fate for it. It's a
long time since l had anything to eat with
my mouth, and to defend tat all was useless" !"
'.Ha ha. hap roared Captain Bob Shorty,
" l really never did see anything so jolly"
" Madman!" yelled Munchausen, your
destruction is decided ~
Then were all the skips and hops repeated,
my boy with such ornamental bits of occa
sional fine art as the refined reporters of our
excellent moral daily journals love to dwell
fondly upon. Were but such reporter. |
would describe the scene in such a way to
make you take it home to your children. But
let me not waste time in lamentation; for
just then, something heavy fell npon the
right eye of Captain Mnnchausen, and effect
ually closed it for week.
"Ah!" said Captain Bob Shorty, pleas
antly, "dd you count the stars upon our
flag that time, my grayback ?"
Sir" retorted Munchausen, staggering
about and wildly pulling handfuls Of imper-
ceptible hair out ofinvisible heads in the air
:" consider the loss of that eye blessing in
disguise for can now concentrate my whole
strength on the other.''
"Well now. really" said Captain Bob
Shorty" really, you know, never see any.
thing half SO jolly"
DIFFERENTIATION is now your doom!' howled
the Confederacy, reeling deliberate forward
upon the first fist he met and falling heavily
to the ground with his other eye emphatically
darkened.
Instantly was Captain Bob Shorty at his
side, exclaiming I'm sorry for this, old
chap. wish you'd only consented to stor
before-EH ?" calculated Captain Bob Shorty
-. what's that you say ?"
As true as live and breathe, my boy
| as true as / live and breathe-when Captain
Bob Shorty put his ear to the mouth of thu
fallen Confederacy, he heard spoken these re
markable words g glad-this-has
appened-because-I-can- -now-develol
-my-REAL-resource -of-sEength ="
Yours, speechlessly, ORPHEUs c. KERR,