The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1865-11-22
BUDGET OF scIss0RINGS.

|
AN IDIOT sleeping on New York
railroad was knocked forty-fve feet by
| the cowcatcher of train and unharmed
only a little surprised
as IT possible, Miss, that you don't
know the names of some of your best
friends ?" inquired a gentleman OF a
lady. Certainly" she replied, Il don't
even know what my own may be year
hence"
A WESTERN editor, speaking of quill
driving contemporary, says, Ills intel
lect is so dense that it would take the
anger of common sense longer to bore in
10 it than it would to bore through
Mount Blanc with boiled carrot"
A YOUNG lady having been presented
to Louis Napoleon when he was only
President, fancied she was haughtily re-
ceived. "Are you for a long stay in
France?" coolly asked the President.
NO was the reply, "are you =
A NATIONAL debt is a national bless
ing, and, inasmuch as the rebels deserve
a punishment not blessing, it is deter
mined that they shall have no war debt
to bless them. The blessing is to be re-
served altogether for the loyal States.
A BARRIsTER entered one of the Dub
lin law courts with his wig awry, of
which he was not conscious, but was
obliged to endure from almost every OBJ
server some remark on its appearance,
till at last addressing himself to Mr..
Curran, he asked him, do you see any
thing ridiculous in this wig?" Moth
ing but the head" was the answer.
A CLERGYMAN called on a poor parish
ioner whom he found bitterly lamenting
the loss of an only son, boy of about
four or five years of age. In the hope of
consoling the afflicted woman he re-
marked to her that zone so young could
not have committed any very grievous
sin; and that no doubt the child was
gone TO heaven" "Ah, sir" said the
simple hearted creature, .rbut Tommy
was so shy, and they are all strangers
there"
IT Is said that the late Chief Baron
Thompson was very facetiOus compan-
ion over the bottle, which he much en-
joyed. At one of the Judges dinners,
during the assizes, there was present n
certain di&nitary of the church. When
the cloth was removed, Il always think"
said the very reverend guest, II always
think, my lord, that a certain quantity
of wine does a man no harm after good
dinner" "Oh no, sir; by no means"
replied the Chief Baron, ''it's the uncer-
tain quantity that does all the mis-
chief
A PUPIL teacher, who has just receiv-
ed an appointment in quiet country
village near Manchester, says, among
the scanty furniture cspied a thrce-lcg-
ged stool Is that the ounces stool 2
| said to little girl of five. Her eyes
sparkled, and her curls nodden assent,
and her lips rippled ont, Il suppose it is
the teacher always sits On that "
THE following inscription appears in
the churcbyard at Rothesay, n. B.
" Erected by Jane, to the memory of
her husband, john. Him that CON-
eth unto me will in no wise cast ont
A very kind reception promised to the
next proposer.
A CLERGYMAN of Meriden, Connecti- |
cut, preached the other Sunday from the |
text, adam, where art thou = and di- |
vided his discourse into three parts -
First, all men are somewhere; second, |
some are where they ought not to be,
and third, unless they mend their ways |
they will eventually find themselves |
where they'd rather not he.
A ST. LOUIS doctor has seized for debt |
the bio chair in which the "fat woman"
sat in the Museum. A local paper says |
it is to be sold, and any one in want of
settcc, church pew or buggy body, |
can buy this chair and convert it into |
the use required On pinch it would |
rake second story law Office, stand
for band of music or pilot house fora
small steamboat
COuCAL RLUNDER.-A Columbus |
(Ohio) paper, in an account of the Perry |
at Cleveland, says: The |
was very fine, and nearly two |
miles in length rs was also the prayer of
DR.. Berry, the chaplain
Countryman-',I say, Mister, do You
know where Mr Smith Ives
Gent.-Which of them there's good |
many Of that name.
Countryman-"Yes, | know there be,
but this ones name is John
TIE governor of an English country |
prison, when asked how many he could |
hang on his new drop, replied, Why, sir,
we can hang six, but can hang four COM
fortably.'