The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1865-07-20

FOR the Telegraph.
1.-THE Young Man from the Country ,,

line young man from the country, with
blooming rustic belle on one arm. and q
substantial collection of bodily refreshments
on the other, walked the avenue in ..go to-
ineetln attire, proud, patriotic, and perfect>
ly happy"
The above beautiful paragraph appeared
IN the Chicago Tribune in describing the
celebration in that city of the 4th.
Thinking if Mr.. Tribune could condescend
to give the country dukes so fattering a
puff' he might allow me the pleasure of a
more intimate acquaintance put on INV
I go-to-meetin' close" and made him visit.
lie received me very politely. "Have a
seat SIR You wish to subscribe for the
paper suppose" and he opened his book to
put down my name.
mo, sir, do not wish to subscribe for
the paper to day" The grin on his face
immediately turned into scowl, ne settled
back into his chair, and went to reading.
Perhaps you do not know me-" tinid-
" began am the young man from the
country, you wrote about. came to tell
you that you were little mistaken in your
description Of me. | didn't carry any ''bodi-
ly refreshments under my. ARM is,n Esd
20 "Ungrateful YOUTH exclaimed he, 'to
come here into our sanctunl and dare to
find fault with what it pleases us to say Of
you. lfyou were educated we could ex-
plain to you how the beauty of any scene is
heightened by contrast. The city gen
Llemen are all SO refined, and the city ladies
so beautiful, that. we, could not describe
them without introducing common folks by
way of contrast. And to think that you,
after condescendingto mention you in the
greatest paper in the Northwest, should be
80 presumptive as to take exceptions to a
slight exaggeratiOn, makes us believe more
than ever in total depravity. Truly, has
the poet written ''
"NOt all tue pumice Of the polished town,
1 Can smooth the roughness Of the barnyard down.
Who are you that you should care what
Use ls made Of your name. 1t is only by
being reared amid the refnining influences
of the city. in daily contact with ladies and
gentlemen, that person can obtain the
mental, moral and physical education neces-
sary to true greatness" - t,n ....3
looked out of the window to see how ]
should like that kind of school. A little
ragged gentleman came along and picked q
cigar stub out of the gutter. and went to
smoking. Just then another gent, little
bigger and little raggeder came along,
knocked him down took it away from him,
and bore it off in triumph between his lips.
The first gent picked up himself and a
paving-stone, and followed after, making
use of various adjectives, EXPLANATIONS and
words Of euphony which shall omit as
am too green to appreciate their beauty
Mr.. TRIBUNE didn't see them but proceeded
Amid these delightful scenes we were
reared, our ears toned to the delicate Ian
guage of refined society, our lips taught to
avoid the awkward, uncouth, vulgarities q
the country" r-....t.2+.
FYog always name youfselfin the plu-
raj, said I, show many common folks do
you consider yourself equal to pa
He rose to his feet and came up as if he
would like to have taken hold OF me but !
was to coarse-grained.
'Begone from my Office, you impudent
rascal How dare you make such remarks!
10 out into the country and stick to your
plow." zai,r aa.
f'We don't never pillow in harvest Time" !
said, 'but sell me paper before 60"
The sight of my pocket book acted like a
CHARM He folded a paper neatly, handed
it to ME with smile, saying .ot haaI
Certainly, we are always happy to serve
our friends when it is in our power"
81 suppose my money is as good as any
Ones, ventured III.
''Yes, your money is good enough, but it
is the only desirable thing about the rustics.
Of course they are in duty bound to support
us, but we have to adopt many ingenious
plans to make them loosen their purse
strings. Sometimes we put in great SEN
satlon rumor, and the dupes will buy pa
per the next day, to learn the particulars,
and then we cool ly inform them that it was
false report. When we haven't much
else to record, we put up half column of
large type. Of course they think there
must be something of great importance, So
they wade industriously through yesterdays
paper under new heading, without discov-
ering the sell. But sometimes these plans
all fail. Then we get up nice article
about the sturdy yeomen of the land; and
natures noblemen; aud tell them that they
are getting rich faster than ever, and that
the country is on the high road to peace and
prosperity. We then add, without any sell
hsh motives but purely. for their benefit
that they will surely die beggars if they
don't subscribe for the Tribune. That bait
takes every time. |''i ~" .
Now young man let us part as friends.
You had better subscribe for our paper only
twelve dollars year in advance. Come,
put down your name. We only spoke of
you as we did for the sake of rhetorical eff.
feet" ,......s..
But l declined his polite offer and left
with very large flea in my ear.
Editors and publishers are respectfully
informed that do not wish to be used any
more for rhetorical aff,at s..- :