The Weekly Perrysburg journal. [volume] (Perrysburg, O. [Ohio]) 1861-1???, 1865-09-19
FUN, fatt aud cfamtg.

from the apples Of discotd.
A woMAS's tears often soften n mans
heart her Aatteriea soften his head.d.t
IT is a good deal harder to, conceal the
mtoxication Of love than that OF brandy.
"PARENrs," said a solemn lecturer, "you
may have children; or, If not, your daughters
may have"
Two hard thngs First to talk of yourself
without being vain second, to talk OF others
without Slander.
lN tho index OF n recent treatise en- pa
rochial law, we find the entry: " Xaga-
bouds--see Sheriff.
A coTEMPoRARy says " Tho first printers
were ritans." There arc agood many tight
uus" among them stilG
Wny is sincere. and ardent lover very
unmindful OF his betrcthedp Because ho ia
constantly for getting her.
WOMEN are not all angels. II they were.
they woudgo to Heaven for husbands-Or,
at hast, DO more difficult in their choice on
earth.
/ BsAuuFUb was the reply Of venerable
man to the question whether he was in the
land of the living: "No, but aln almost
there"
WERE we as eloquent as angels, we should \
please somo men, some women, and some
children, much more by listening than by
talking. a|
To converse with spirits-Lay q 6ve-cent
piece on the table of grogshop, aud they'll
show themselves Quicker than you eau say
| "beans."
A MAN that everybody knows to be a liar
may perhaps bo excused for lying. II seems
to do him vast deal of good, and nobody
any harm.
THR oldest pieoo Of furniture is the
multiplication table" 1t was constructed
more than a thousand years ago, and is as
good as new. ts
Four thousand pounds Of lobster meat
are put into cans daily ut certain establish
ment; this shows how much people can,-~
| If they only will.
WHAT is the difference hetweon stahbing
man aud killing hogY One ia assaulting
with intent to xiii, and the other is killing
with intent to salt s lf0
MANY persons look upon themselves as
struggling TO benefit the void, when in fact
tho world looks upon them as only struggling
to benefit themselves. te
PmDE not only lifts up men above others
but above themselves, 30 that ii is no won.
der that they should not know their neigh
Dor who have forgotten themselves.
WHEN q man marries widow he Is .
! bound to give up smoking and chewing. IL q
she gives up her weeds for him, he should,
of course, give up the weed for her.
AN army surgeon in Arkansas tried to
hire q young, barefooted, coalless native as
an eirand.boy. The astonshed lad OK
claimed, "Work! why, can't work; I'm
white
Two men were conversing about the Ill
humor of their wives. "Ah,' said ono,
with q sorrowful expression, Mine is q !
tartar" "Well" responded the other,
"mine is worse than that-mine is the cream
of tartar" f..tf ~
Az English paper says that in punching
the eyeholes of needles by hand. children,
who are operators, acquire such dexterity
as to be able to punch human hair and
thread it with another, for the amusement
of visitors. f. Sc
ONCE on time, an Irishman and q negro
were fighting, and when graphing with
each other, the Irishmau exclaimed, "Ye
divil of black nagur cry enough or I'll
fight till die!' 'Soll boss" sung out the
darkey, Il always does"
A PARsIMoNIoUs sea captain answering
the complaints of his men that the bread
was bad, exclaimed, What complain OF
your bread that is made from -four! What
do you think of the apostes2 They ate
shew bread made from old boots and
shoes.
"SIRR, one word" said soldier ono day,
to Frederick the Great, when presenting to
him a request for the brevet Of lieutenant,
IL yJu say two" answered the king, (" L
will have y1u hanged" ''Sigr," replied the
soldier. Tho king stared, whstled, aud
signed.
A GREESHoRN standing by sewing-ma.
chine at which young lady WAS at work,
looking alternately at the machine and its
fair operator, at lcngth gave vent to his ad-
miration thus: O.
''By golly! its mighty purity, specially
the part covered with kallker."
A MAN wrote to friend in Greece, beg
gng him TO purchase books. From negli-
gence or avarice, he neglected to execute
his commission, but fearing that his corres-
pondent might be offended, he exclaimed,
when next they met, My dear friend
never got the letter you wrote to Inc about
the books
" ono yhoulu give me dish of sand, and
tell me particles OF iron were init, mighs
look for them with my eyes, and search for
them with my clumsy fingers, and be unable
to detect them but let me take magnet
and sweep through it, and how would il
draw to itself the most invisible particles
by the mere power of attraction The
unthankiul heart, like my finger in The sand,
discovers no mercies; but let the thankful
heart sweep through the day, as the magnet
finds the iron, 80 it will find in every hour
some heavenly blessings; only the iron in
Gods sand is gold.-O. W. Holmes.
No WoNDER.-0ne of the most fashiomAs
Bile hair-dressers tells the following good
story
An oil Quaker lady was standing at the
counter one day, when a gay young girl
came in to engage a hair.drssser for ihe
evening She gave her orders hurriedly.
saying that she wanted half dozen srolIs"
aad a butterfly on the top, 'GFecians OF
''waterfall on the back, with plenty Of
"puffs" and "curis." and 'ended wfth-an IN
junction to send along any quantity Of
"rats, "miee," aud "cataraets." = ssi .st
"Poor child" ," said the dear old lady, COM
passiOnately. looking hfter her as she
departed what pity she has lost her
mind" ff itss
A WEsrERS editor recently offered his hat
for tho best essay on independence. The
following obtained the prize;
National Independence is easier imagined
than described; personal independents con-
sists emphatically in being situated 10
clean shirt, drawers, socks, and nicely