The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1865-11-08
Misc.oNaQooW.
Bill Arp Addresses Artemus Ward.
ROME. GA, Sept. 1, 186;

49, ROME. GA, Sept. /, 1865.
III. Artemus Ward, Shoacna&n-SUR: The
reesun write to you in pertlkle,, are bekaus
Won are about the only man | know in all
Gods country" 50 Called For sum severa!
weeks I .hav been wantin tn say sumthin.
For sum several years we rebs, so-called, but
now late Of said county deceased, have been
tryin nifty hard to do sHmthin. We didn't
" quite do i, and now its very painful, assure
you, to dry up all Of sudden and make out
like we wasn't thar
3 NV friend, want to say. sumthin& T sup
pose there is no law agin lhinkin, but thinkin
don't help me. It don't let down my ther-
mometer. I must explode myself generally
so IS to feel better. You see I'm tryin to har-
monize I'm tryin to soften down my feelins.
I'm endeavoring to suhjugate myself to the
level of surroundin circumstances. So-catled.
But can't do it until ! am allowed to say
sumthin. want to quarrel with somebody
and then make trends. | ai,t no giant killer
] amt no Norwegian bar. / amt no boar-cen-
STRIKER, but I'll be horn swaggled if the talkin
and the writin and the slanderin has got to be
all done on one side any longer. SUN ofyour
folks have got to dry up or turn our folks,
loose. It's blamed outrage, so called. Aint
your editors got nuthin else to do but 70 peck
at US, and Souib at US, and crow over US? Is
every man what kan write paragraf to con-
slider US as bars in cage, and be always q
jobbin at US to hear US growi? Now you see,
my friend, that's what's diSharmonious and
DO you jest tell en-, one and all, e pluri6uS
asDatn, So-cGl2e6, that if they don't stop it at
once or turn US loose to say what ge please,
why we rebs, so-cGlled, have unanimously
and ioi1tly and severally resolved to-to-to
think very hard of it-if not harder.
That's the way to talk it. / airt agwine
to commit myself know when to put on
the brakes. | amt agwine to say ali think
like Mr.. Etheridge, or Ar. Addsrrig, so-caIle2.
Nary time. No sir. But I'll JEST tell you,
Artemus, and you may tell it to yonr show.
IF we aint allowed to express our sentiments,
we can take it ont in hatin; and hatin runs
heavy in my family sure. hated man so
bad once that al the hair cum off my head,
and the man 6rownd himself IN a CAVALIER
that night 1 kould do it agin, but you see
I'm tryin to harmonic, to acquiesce, to bekum
kahn and screen.
Now I suppose that poetikaly speskin,
'In Dixie's fall
We sinned all"
But talkin the way see it, big feller and
little feller, so-calLed, got into fte, and they
font and fout and fout for long time, and
everybody all round KEEP holerin Lands of,
but pin the big feller, until finally the
little feller caved in and hollered enuf. lie
made bully fte, tell you, Selah. Well,
what did the big feller do? take him by the
hand and help him up, and brush the dirt off
his clothes? Nary time! No sir! But be
kicked him arter he was down, and throwd
mud on him, and drug him about and rubbed
sand in his eyes, and now he's gWine about
huntin up his, poor little property. Wants to
eonfscate it, 50 ealEed Blame my jaket if it
amt enuf to make your head swim. .
But I'm a good Union. man-8o-cGtLed. 1
aint agwync to fte 10 more. shau't vote
for the next war. 7. amt no gurilia. I've
done TUX the oath, and I'm gwine to keep it,
bat as for my bein Subjugated,> and humiIy-
ated, and amalgamated, and cnervated, as Mr.
Chase says, 1t aint so-nary time. / aint
ashamed of nuthin neither-aint repentin-
amt akin for no one horse, short-winded par
don. Nobody needn't he playIn priest around
!ae. aint got no twenty thousand dollars.
Wish had /; I'd give it to these poor widers
and orins. I'd fatten my own numerous
and interestin offspring in about two mirits
and a. half They shou!dent cat roots and
drink branch warter no longer. Poor, un-
fortunate things! to cum into this subloonary
world at sIch time. There's fcnr or five Of
'eun that never saw sirIIus nor a monFy
show-never lad = pocket-knife, Rcr piece
Of cheese, nor reesin. There is Bull Run
arp, and Harper's Ferry Arp, and Chicka-
homany Arp that never seed the plkters IN
spelin book tell you, my friend, We are
tAe poorest people on the face Of the Garth