Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1865-12-14
gat1ura1,s geading,
Reply of Artemus Ward to Bill Arp.
BosTINs, November Goth, 1865.

Missur BIZ Arp, Rebel d so forth
/ do not know whether to commence my
letter 10 you by addressing you as "Sur,"
or not, leastwise as "deer sur" because you
call yourself Bill, and in all my exhibitions
of animals I've been in the habit Of repre-
senting Bill or Billeys as athe Gnlielmus.
Cspricornus, Ansglice the William Goat,
yulgarly called BY the village boys the Bill.
ley Goat" and Of you air an animal of that
description, in course it would not be prop.
or to dignity you with the same address as
If you were ordinary man And eff you
sir rally Of the family Of Arps, / rather cal
killate they air not very resrecturble, as We
have never heern Of that family bsin in
Congress-, or in the SENT, or in the Csbipit,
aid all the respecturble people of Georgia
is certain to be striYen and endeaporin
to git intur one or the other Of them air
places. You mention several of your chill
dren as have never been to sircus, or 9
monkey show, and rather guees that's the
reason that at the last show we had in
Georgia, there wac some- fvr or six of -yoos-
boys psepin through the cracks in the can.
yass, aud some Of them had sand thrown
in their eyes BY the cloan for peepin at the
show without payin their money. Now, as
for the Wards, they air known all theworld
over, and every Big City in the blessed u
MON has all its little divisions called after
them. In New York and Bosting there is
the fust Ward, and the second Ward, and 80
on to the one hundredtb Wrd;apd in Par
is and london, and everywhere, we are
honoIed With the same remembranses. l
guess that's gum honor. And even down
South, its more than probable, they've some
Wards 10 their small Villages; and We are
sopopular that even the working apartments
in the Penitentiaries air named in the same
way. But Notwithstanding the difference
in cur positions, your famerly and my fam.
erly, and your country that tried TO set up
for itself, and didn't, and my country with
its galarious Union, and the galorious flag,
and the stars and stripes shining aud q
glitterin and . dazsiin all creation, and not
vithstandin you air licked, We mir ready to
lick England and France and Spain, with
one hand tied behind us and tother one in
esling, and in little less than no time, yet
as you has been q writin 70 me upon all
sorts Of topics, I rather guess.it would be
respectful to reply.
You say, Mistur Arp, you air endeevorin
to be great national man, but still you air
gwine to bet on Dixie as long as you've
got dollar. Thought when old Memmiu-
gers priDsin presses broke, the hull set on
you didn't have confederate damn, or as
yea classically call it "uary red" When
you expect me to bet, you'll have to stake
the money down, and be bound to have one
of Mr.. Benton's mint.drops, (but they wur
yellow or If not one Of then, leastBise, .
green back, though they is ge.tin leetls
dubious. But eff weall deoWn East was to
refuse ouralls green backs, ouralls Presi-
dent or Mistur Seward might be ringing
that air little bell, that tinkles to the tune,
called in the Jeografies, 'sThe Dry Tortu-
gas" and sum of us might not be able to
get to hum agin. Dew you suppose any Of
Che Wards air goiD to run agin that air mer-
sheeuY And ef you will take my advice,
Mr.. Arp, aud l shan. charge you nawthin
for givin it, you had better not endeevor to
run two skedules at one and the same time,
as Jon talk of deBip. Eff you believe nae,
that's the way some Of our foaks, who was
trusted by your foaks in your War Depart
ment, q wont say so.called, as you don't
leike it, but in the place where youralls or
ders wur issued) smashed up youralls Bull
gine. They made believe they was runnin
one skedule, while they wur runnin both
on em at the same time And eff I thought
you could keep secret, ] would tell you
thlt ouralls ginrals knowed adzactly, what
yourslls giurals was sbeout to dew, Q leetle
sooner than they knowed it therselves, ex.
ssptin what old stonexall did, and he
wouldn't let his right hand know what his
left hand was doin, cause he alters put it
behind him, lesstwise it should find eout.
It alters did seem to me, per.ickler
strange, that while yourall, as you beauti.
fully express it, alters did loue to hate We
all deown casters, ssand batin runs very
heavy in the family of Arps," yet you all
take particular pains to pick ont what you