The weekly standard. (Port Gibson, Miss.) 1865-1867, 1865-11-09

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Name your hens "Macduf that they
may '1ay on"
4 Kriggs swears that he win never put
| up at d te-total house again the one
that he lately patronized contained
nothing, he says, but bed-bugs and
bibles.
i One of our most eminent oculists
has just performed successful opera
ton on o gentleman who had q Lady in
his eye.
4 Digging trenches is said to be the
"ground work Of military education.
i The boy who was told that the best
cure for the palpitation Of theheart was
to quit kissing the girls, said:
i eIf that's the only remedy, ! say
letter palpitatel"
"Can you tell me, Billy. how it is
that the rooster always keeps his feath-
ers SO sleek and smooth"
"No, sir; CUBS dat up afore I gues-
SEES it."
well, I'll tel you den. BE always
carries his comb with him.
We hear of anew Yankee invention
for hens nest, whereby the eggs drop
through trap-door, and the hen is SO
deceived that she keeps on laying until
she has laid herselfawayi
"John, said a cockney solicitor to
his son., l see you win never do for
an attorney; you have no he'sergy."
Skuse me, replied John, "what !
want is some of your chictenary."
II At large dinner party in certain
city lately, the subject of frosty wealth
er done considerable duty in supplying
conversation, when plump. happy
looking married lady made q remark
about cold feet.
\ Surely" said a lady opposite, Mrs.
S., you are nottroubled with cold feet2"
{ Amid an awful pause, she naiyely
answered:
Yes, indeed, ] am very mnch troub-
led; but then they are not my ownl"
.Wm You come to the bower?" as
the blackleg said when he played the
knave of trumps and uchered his an-
j tagonist.
9 Which are the lghtest men Scotch
> men, Iishmen or Englishmena
Answer In ireland there are sneR
of Cork. in Scotland men of Ayr: but
I in England, on the Thames, there are
3 lighter men there.
! A witty chap indites the following
> good thing:
The match was regular green
back match, that could not by law be,
staid; his offer legal tender was, and!
she was the tender maid (rnade).
There is story of young lady who.
being intensely loved by FIVE young
men, was advised to Jump overheard,
and marry the man who jumped ia al
ter her." Accordingly the next morn
iing ing, the five lovers being on deck, and
looking very devoutly at the young la
dy, she plunged into the sea head fore
mast. Four OF the lovers Immediately
Jumped in after her. When the young
lady and four lovers were out again, she
says to the captain:
{ What am 7 to do with them, now
/ they are SO wet21
Take thesdry onel'' M
And the young lady did. and mar
Eried him.
A criminal going to be hanged beg
ged that the rope might be tied under
bis arms instead Of round his throat.
g for, said he, "I am SO remarkably
ticklish IN the throat, that, If tied there.
| shall certainly XII myself with laugh
terl1
Married, lass week, John Cobb
to Miss Kate Webb Their house win
undoubtedly be fun OF cobwebs.
A firm in Cincin matt recently tel
egraphedrto 2 correspo in Cleve-
land as follows -:
Cranberries rising Send inmedi-
Iately one hnndred barrels per Sim
mons "SinminsH being then the
agent of the Cincinnati house. The
telegraph run the two last words to-
gether, and shortly afterwards the Cin-
ciunati firm were astonished to find de-
livered at their store one hundred. bar
rels Of persimmons.
Mrs @ was sitting at dinner
with her little boy Of four or FIVE years
/ old, when q be-whiskered foreigner
came in and took his seat ON the oppo-
side of the table.
The child stared at him. for While
with astonishment, till the mystery was
solved: when suddenly. n rathar 900