The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1865-05-26

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NUMBER %.
Spare Lines.

Great takers arc like cracked pitchers;
everything runs out Of them. "a slr so t
About the only person wc ever heard Of
that wasn't spoiled by being liouised was .
Jew named Daniel. 20
A barnacle-nosed old fellow gave as u res.
son for taking his liquor clear, that since the
food water had always tasted Of sinners.
A dcspondent old bachelor says marriage
is an institution designed to wean man from
the pleasures Of life and prepare him for tho
great hereafter. ,...,. ,..tu.
A literary enquirer is informed that Pale
ontology has nothing to do with the works
Of the author Of tho "Evidcnces Of Chris.
tianity." a.
"Brick" Pomcroy aays there Is on editor
In Ii Crosse who has kissed 80 much sweet.
ness from the lips Of tho girls. that he Is Ms.
sessed as crushed sugar, on account Of tho
sweetness he has gathered, and the squeezing
he has endured. ........
"Ah, you don't know what muthical en-.
thuthiathm ith - said music.mad Miss TO
Tom Hood. "EIcuso me, madam" replied
the wit, "but I do. Musical enthusiasm 10
like turtle soup; for every gallon o! real
there are ninety nine gallons Of mock, and
calves heads in proportion" ,so,e
A Frcnchman. on coming to America and
finding himself utterly unobscrved, no of.
cial asking for his passport, no policeman
dogging his steps. no mayor demanding HE
business, felt sad and lonely, and exclaimed
that he was taken "no moro notice Of than II
he was little dog" Mo-
John Bull conversing with m Indian
asked him II he knew that the sun never sets
on the Queens dominions. "No" said the
Indian. "Do you know tho reason whyf'
asked John. because God 10 afraid to trust
an Englishman In tho dark" was tho dusky
savage's reply. tI4to ~
Babies resemble wheat in many respects.
Firstly-neither are good for much till they
arrive at maturity socondly--both are bred
in the house, and also the .Jlowsr Of the fam.
lily; thirdly-both have to bc Graded; fourth
ly-both are generally we'll hrashed before
they are done with. s.oio.- ..i
An Irish glasler was putting o pane OF
glass into window, when groom. who was
standing by, began joking him, telling him
to mind and put in plenty Of putty. Tho
Irishman bore the banter for some timo, but
at last silenccd his tormentor by, "Arrah
now, be of wild ye, or else III put palm In
yer head widout any putty!" 1a .'1'' G
"Why, Bridget" said her mistress. who
wished to rally the girl, for tho amusement
Of her company upon the fantastic ornament
ing Of a hugo pie-"why, Bridget, did you
do this? You're quite an artist; how did
you do it?" "lndado. mum. II was myself
that did it," replied Bridget. "Isn't IL
pretty, mum? did it with your false teeth,
NUM-" .rf t. rI.H nif
A lawyer somewhat disgusted at seeing q
couple Of lrishmen looking at six sidod
building which he occupied, lifted up tho
window. put his head out, and addressed
them thus: "what do you stand there for,
like pair Of hlock-hsads. gazing at my Of
fee? Do you take II for q church 2" "Faix.
answered one Of them, 81 was thinkin 90,
till the divll pokcd his head out the windy"
Alta largo dinner party. In certain city
lately, the frosty weather had donc consider.
able duty in supplying conversation. when a
very plump, happy looking married lady
made remark about cold feet. ."Surely,"
said q lady opposite, "Mp.-. you arc
not troubled with cold fect?" Amid an
awful pause, she naively answered, Eyes in.
deed am-vcry much troublcd-but they're
not INV own 7" I|l fri fn1l fH ilr
IfIu - . frIUt - lal lrl IfH ni