American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1865-01-25
WIT AND WISDOM.
The best kind of Agricultural Fairs

The best kind of Agricultural Fairs
Farmers daughters.
Why is gun like newspaper ?
Because it makes reports.
Many a fellow, when whiskey is at
hand makes rye mouth.
-Mllonaires are not so called from
the amount of airs they put on.
Why is a sermon delivered on board
a ship like necklace? ? Because it is a
decoration.
Why is an infant at the brest like a
resident of Illinois? Because it is in the
sucker state.
The saying that "there is nothing
like leather" is justified by the fact that
it is our sole reliance.
Colts arms are useful when you want
to fight, but if you want to run away,
colts legs are better.
What three words did Adam use
when he introduced himself to Eve, and
which read the same backwards as for
wards Madam I'm Adam.
-''My son, what would you do if your
dear father was suddenly taken away
from you?" "Swear and chaw terbac-
ker"
"a miss is as good as a m2e," says
an old adage and as three miles make a
league, it is calculated that three misses
would make ieague-with bachelor
"A gentleman Dragging of having
killed a pan iher, whose tail was three feet
long. Brown observed that the animal
died seosonably, as the tail was long
enough not to be continued.
--"IIenry, you ought to be ashamed to
throw away bread like that. You may
want it some day. ''Well, mother, would
| stand any better chance of getting it
then, should | eat it up now ?"
No man who is ever thoroughly a
shamed of himself should be classed
among the irreclaimable. The real fool
never regrets the right thing or for the
right season, and under no circumstan-
ces sees himself as other see him.
..ntaL ,I,.oooto vrbo ; b;s broad
Scotch pronounced the word water, waiter,
being asked in Court by the Concellor if
he spelled water with two is, replied,
"No, my Lord, but l spell manners with
two. ms"
Two young ladies sit costly by a
comfortable fire. The married one says
"Whenever | want nice snug fire all to
myself, tell George my mother is com
ing, and then see nothing of him until
one o clock in the morning."-Ptmch.
One of the little fellows got off an
odd expression in this FORM
"Mother, did General Mitchell go tc
Heavcn?"
"Yes, my child, think he did"
'Bully for him"
At recent railroad dinner, in com
pliment to the legal fraternity, the toas
was given, can honest lawyer, the no
blest work of Cod" but an old farmer il
the back part of the hall rather spoiled
the effect by adding, in loud voice, "AnC
about the scarcest."
A merchant examining hogsheaC
, of hardware, on comparing 1t with th'
, invoice found it all right except ham
mer less than the invoice. "Och, don
be troubled, said the Irish porter; "sur'
the nagur took it out to open the hogs
heod with.
, There is nothing in which the prin
2 ciple of life is SO indestructible as an il
natured epigramic sentence; dozen word
spoken at one moment and forgotten tn
= next, will go on through years, hurting
: more persons and doing more absolut
G mischief than piece of artillery woul'
e do.
A cobbler at Leyden, who used t
attend the public disputations held at tn
Academy, was once asked If he under
t stood Latin "No," replied the mechan
g ic "but l can tell who is wrong in tn
D argument" "And how can you tell that
; asked his friend. "Why, by seeing VIII
I is angry first"
: -"Come here, my lad" said at alto
ney to boy about nine years old. =
! case between the devil and the people
: which do you think will be most hkel
/. to gain the action 2" The boy replies
le 81 guess it will be a hard squeeze-th
e people have the money, but the devil h'
the most lawyers"