The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1865-12-06
MOSQUITOES on A BENDER.

$
ence in getting mosquitoes intoxicated.
"Josh Billings" cant beat it:
MOSQUITOES on A BENDER.
Night before last, in order to sleep, we
placed piece of raw beefsteak on a plate at
the head of our bed. In the morning it was
sucked by the mosquitoes as dry as au old
sponge, and our skins saved at least two
thousand perforations. All about the room
in the morning were mosquitoes, plethoric
with blood, loaded till they could nos fly.
We killed few, but the job was sanguinary,
so we left them to their feast.
Last night in order to get over with the
screaming devils, We stepped halfa pound of
beefsteak in some old rye whiskey, and left
it on q plate near the bed. Nothing like be-
ing Hospitality inclined. In ten minutes af-
ter the light was extinguished, swarm Of
these backbiting bill-posters made an ad-
vance movement. One of them caressed US
sweetly on the nose-but mt in his bill
there was q slap-a dead mosquito! Soon
We heard a tremendous buzzing about the
whiskcy soaked beef The entire mosquito
family cames6inging in, and such an opera
good Lord deliver US! But they did not
disturb US with bites, we fell asleep to be ava
kene3 in ten minutes by the worst mosquito
concert ever editor, mortal, devil, angel, d.
vine, Dutchman, or any other man listened
to.
We raised laugh, and the greatest show
Of the season was there to be seen. Every
mosquito was drunk as blind fiddler, and
such an uproarous night as the long-billed
whelps had, never was seen before this side
of-ss7ah! The worst anticsl Some were
a. ell
with belly like Falstaf, full of blood and
whiskey, was dancing juba on the Bible,
while fat friend of his tribe lay on her back
beating the devils dream on an invisible tam
BORNE with one hind leg! Two more were
wrestling themselves on the footboard Of the
bed, each with his bill stuck fast to the tim
Der. Another was tieiug the legs of our pants
in bow knot to tie about the neck Of Anna
Dickinson, which hangs against the wash
stand while another red-stomached customer
was trying to stand on his head in the wash
bowl.
All over the room were drunken mosquitoes.
One long-hilled, gaunt representative, was
irving to ram the muciage bottle full ofncws-
yaper clippings. Another chap was drilling
4 hole through revolver handle and singing
NV Mary Ann" while another was imping
scross the window-sill in search Of fresh air,
% the agoniZing tune of-tramp-tramp-
.varnp One little ram Of a skeet was trying
q lam the cock out of Gen. Buffers eye with
Toothbrush, as his picture hung beside
5nat of Kid, the pirate, and a few other thieves.
another drunken statesman Of the mosquitoe
:;.n.ilv, reminded US of Zach. Chandler and
yas talking Russian to lot Of drunken com
panions as they lay in heap on plate, while
another sat on the handle of Bowle-kDlte,
doubled up with cramp in the stomach, and
irving to unite his tail with his bill, which
seemed like Lincolns backbone when Anna
Dickinson said it wanted stifening. He was
a. sick looking skeeter, and died in three min
utes after we saw him, her, or it, as the case
may be. Two others took q bath in the inFs-
stand. Another one, with bill like the
devils narrative, was trying to wind our
watch with pen-wiper, while another had
Just died as he was sitting on the rim of a
dish in the room, trying to chant-''Mother,
I've come home to die!" Poor skeeter. A
nice skeeter, ''but twas pity he drank" !"
An old veteran with paunch full of 'alf and
'alf-blood and whiskey-sat on the table
reading Les Miserables, while his wife was
under the table trying to mend her broken
wing with a limpSy tooth-pick. She looked
disgusted Another one combed his hair
with a paper of pins, tied piece of white
paper about his neck, pasted a five cent in
fernal revenue on bis rump, and died like
loyal citizen. His last words we're:
''Tell the Traitors all around you, &C., DC. "
another drunken scamp has just started