The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1865-06-22
Josh Billings on Courting.


Courting is luxury. 1t is Use water.
1t is the pla spell ov the sole. The man
who haz never courted haz lived in vane.
He haz been, blind man amung land
|, scapes and microscopes he has bin a
4 def man in the land of hand organs, and
bi the side ov murmuring canals
Courting liz like little springs oy va.
ter that start out frum under rock at the
foot ov mountain, and runs down hill
side by side, singing and dancing and
! spattering esch uther, eddying and forth
ing and kaskading, now hiding under
the bank now full ov shedder, till bime-
by tina jine, then tina go slow 1 am in
favor ov long courting; it gives the par
ties chance to find out each others
trump kards, it IL good exercise, and ID
just as innersent as 2 nc.ino lambs.
Courting il like strawberries and cream
wants to be did slow, then you git the
faver. l have saw folks git acquainted,
fal! in luv, git married, settle down, and
git tew work in three weeks frum date.
This IL jist the way sum folks learn a
tradc-akounts for the crate number ov
almitey mean mechanicks we hav and
poor jobs tina turn out.
Perhaps it il best if L shud state sum
good advise to young men who are about
to court and with final view to matri-
mony, az it was.
In the fust phase, yung man, yu want
to gil you're system awl rite, and then
find yung woman who is willing tew
no ~ foH hn
thing IL tew find out how old she IL,
which you can dew bi askin her, and she
will sa that she IL 16 years old, and this
you will find won't be far frum out ov
the wa.
The next best thing IL to begin mod
crate: sa onse every mite in the week
for the fust six months, increasing the
dose as the patient seems to require.
1t IL fust rate wa tew court the girls
mother leetle on the start, fur there liz
one thing woman never despises, aud
that is leetle good courting, if it IL dun
on the square. After the fust year you
will begin to be we'll acquainted and will
like the bizzines.
There IL l thing 1 alwas advice, and
that IL, not swop fotografs oftener than
once in ten days, unless you forget how
the gal looks.
OCCASIONALLY yu want tew look sorry
and draw in yure wind as if you had pain ;
this will set the gal tu teezing yu tew
find out what ails yu.
Evening meetins arc good thing tew
tend. 1t will keep yure religion in tune;
and then if yure gal happens tew bee
thare bi acksident, she kan ask you tew
60 home with her.
As gineral thing wouldn't brag on
uther. gals much when l was eourtin. It
mite look as tho yu knu tew much.
lfyu will court three years in this
way, awl the time on the square, if yu
don't sa it IL leetle the sIiekest time In
yure life, yu kan git measured for hat
at my expense, and pay for is.
Don't court for muney, nur booty, uur
relashuns these things are jist about as
the kerosene lie refining bizzines, liable
tew git tout of repair and bust at enney
minnit Court gal fur fun, fur the luv
you bear her, fur the virtue and bizzines
thare IL in her; court her fur wife or
mother; court her az yu would court a
farm fur the strength of the sile, and the
strength of the lie, and perfeckshun ov
the title court her as tho she want fule
and you nuthcr; court her in the
kitchen and in the parlor, over the wash
tub and at the pianner court this va
yung man, and if yu don't git wife the
fault won't be in the courtin.
Yung man, yu kan rely on Josh Biz
lings, and if yu kant make these rules
work, jist send fur him, and he will sho
yu how the thing iz did-it shan't kost
yu cent.