The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1865-03-09
From the Weekly Review.
McArOne Oil the Fashions.


wrought up by suffering to the intensest
Ipltch-it it turus to familiar object for
that relief which, were it not thus attaina-
BILE, would cease to be the boon that under
any other circumstances than those which
surround it at such moments as these that
are to be presently considered becomes I'M
| bearabIe.
In word, the headgear is the bane of my
enbittered life.
When woman-God bless her-adopted a
bonnet in the shape Of Of a clam shell, and
four inches from crown to front in size,
merely smiled at her eccentricity.
When the bonnet assumed the shape of a
coal.shuttle, and engulphed her lovely head
III dIrest shadows, merely frowned
But when she stopped to folly in the form
OF hats, the shapes of which are too mon
strous for belief and too wild for description
| tore my Hyperion locks and wept.
Then [ asked myself, ''What are we COM
ing too ~
Then | answered myself, ''Really dor t
know - ..t
Now, | go about harmless Iunatic in
broadway, averting my gaze from horrors
that cannot face.
Last Saturday saw pretty blonde with
a green bug in her hair
Two days after lady stopped to speak
with me, but she had velvet wash basin
on her head, and on one side thereof was
worm eaten rose with a spider on it.
was afraid had a slight attack of
anDaaiG a potu, at first, but discovered that
the milliner had, instead
Yesterday | saw lizards-slimy looking
reptiles chasing each other round hat
that bore the form of soup-dish.
The crow, the hawk, the turkey buzzard
and the hopscoot, all perch above the
brows of our maids and matrons
took my favorite pointer out for an air
ing, and he found SO much game in the la
dies bonnets and hats that it kept him point
ing all the time, much to the impeachment
of my promenade.
There ought to be irst-rate shooting, just
now, in Broadway.
Stuffed quails, ricebrds, partrdges and
other edibles are in immense favor Why
not stuffed breast of lamb, | wonder ?
| offered last week to make Aimee Chou
chou present of a cumming bird for her
new hat
''What should / wear a humming bird
for ?" said she
''Wear it, my dear child ?" l said, for a
lark !''
eff wore it on account of the giver,'
SHE replied, II should wear it for a great
goose !"
Aimee has too much taste-of course--to
rush into this sort Of nlenagerie business.
She sports avery quiet but killing hat and
feather, and better yet, does her hair sinp-
ly.
Pardon me, but ha0e you observed the
things that women do with their hair, this
winter ?
Have you shuddered at the awful artifce
of single curl
Have you paled before the weu-like lob
that deforms the back of nearly every
American DANES head?
Ii you have, syrnpathize with me!
| should like to inquire of some high legal
authority if there might'nt be an enactment
made against this sort of thing.
There should be if were the General
Government aye, even at the risk of our
wives and daughters proclaiming them
selves the ''down trodden victims of fanat-
ical usurpation
| believe that is the term now
First, off, should abolish the water
fall
What chance is there for girl with an
abundance Of splendid hair, when she has to
make it look exactly like wig {?
You can buy hat full at any peruquiers
shop,and when it is put on in bunch, like a
goltre, at the back of the neck, nobody can
tell the difference
Did you ever see the things over which
the WATERFALL is built ? saw one once.
1t made me very ILL., had no desire for
my dinner that day.
1t bad little tail to one corner of it, and
its fair proprietress called it, think, a
''rat."
There was always something inexpressi-
bly, charming to me, about the toilet table
of pure and fair girl
Ia the course of my varied experiences
it has occurred to me to witness such, and
the neatness. the elegance. the taste of theil
arrangement have always pleased me. The
white cover, smooth and spotIess, the brush
es OF ebony or ivory, the combs of brown
and amber tortoise shell, the delicate Hagons
and TASKS of Bohemian glass or bisqut
ware, silver topped and fragrant, the bur
nished mirror that has reflected so mucl
and tells naught-all these triles possess
beauty and interest beyond the furnishing
of the boudoir or the parlor
Not long ago there was alarm Of fire in
house where was visiting, and the family
rushed at once to the chamber whence
thick smoke was issuing. It was the apart
ment Of young lady. She had not retired
and we entered without ceremony
caught but glimpse Of the toiletstaud
but that glimpse was enough.
On one side of the mirror hung a thing
like the attenuated caudal appendage Of
horse. 1t was what they call switch"
/ On the other side hung several mysteries
resembling German sausages, made of hair
These were ''topsies"
On the toilet-cover lay a large and dis
gushing rat"
And finally a profusion of 'Grecia
curls'' encountered the pincushion,
extinguished the fret was only
window-curtain- tainted
| am aware that it is useless for one boo
weak man to breast the fury of fashion
| am aware that though the pen may b
mightier than the sword, 1t cannot begi
with the scissors. am aware that thes
words which | now write, will but provok
the scorn Of the other and more dangerou
sex. But if | fall, let me speak first an
let it be said that went in boldly, if di
come out burt.
And all you little dears who now provok
my ire with your detestibly named an
monstrously contrived articles Of hair,
you have any taste or taleut, please do oh
serve, the next time you meet Aimee Chou
chou on Broadway with me- the pure an
artless beauty of that dear chld's chevelurt
arranged in simple knot, either twisted @
5 braided, and so fair to see that the very ide
: OF ''topsies' or Of rats >, seems sacreligiou
in connection.
Then go home and take off your hirsut
devitries forever.
$ have spoken.
MoARoNE.