East Saginaw courier. (East Saginaw, Mich.) 1859-18??, 1865-05-10
rrRMs--As aoop AS NEW.

papers, are unquestionably as good as
new If not better: j,
Abrilliant private correspondent(ess)
sends us the following conundrums:
In what respect does candle burning
in Mammoth Cave, differ from dance
in public house? Ans. Ono is
taper in cavern, and~t the other a
caper in tavern. How does pitch
or of water differ from man throw
ing his wife over bridgeY Ans
One is water in the pitcher, the other
is pitch her in the water What did
the seven wise men of Greece do when
they met the sage of Hindoostan p
Ans. Eight saw sages. Query by
tho editors ate sausagesO What
evidence have we that Cowper was
poor? Ans. He 'Oh'd for lodge
in some vast wilderness.'- Home Jour
nal
A sailor boy purloined two or three
pies at different times. He was over
heard in his whimsical method of
repeating the marriage vow, thus -
81 propose a match between Jack
Bowling and this pie; if any objections
can be made to this union, let it now
d, be known or forever keep the peace"
On this freak being whispered to the
Captain, he prepared good ropes
end, and holding it in one hand, and
the boy in the other, he said "a
union is now proposed to take place
between this rope and sailor; if any
objections can be made to this ticl1lish
match, let them now be known or for
ever keep peace" Captain" said
the boy, "the bans are forbidden, the
parties have not the least regard for
each other. 20 make it right, both
with one voice should require to be
spliced." Well" said the captain,
laughing, "you may go this time,
sirrah; but look out next time how
you make love to or marry one of my
pies, for it is clearly pi-ratical."
BEAT HIM AT HIS OWN GAME.-'Dad,"
said young hopeful the other day,
show many fowls arc there on this
tablep' "Why," said the old gem
tleman, as he looked complacently on
pair Of nicely roasted chickens that
were smoking on the table. "there are
two" "Two!" replied the smart boy,
"thero are three, sir, and I'll prove
it." '"Threen replied the old gentle
man, who was plain, matter-of- fact
man." I'd like to see you prove it,
9 Easily done, sir, easily done. Amt
that one?" said smart boy, laying his
knife on the first "and amt that two?"
pointing to the second, "and don't one
and two make three?" "Really,"
said the father, turning to the old
lady, who was stupefed at the i'm
mense learning of the son, "really,
wife, this boy is genius, and deserves
to be encouraged. Here, old lady, do
you take one fowl, and I'll take the
second, and John may have the third
for his learning"
SLEEP.- Women require more sleep
than men, and farmers less than those
engaged III any ether occupation
Editors, reporters, printers, and tele-
graph operators, need no sleep at all.
Lawyers can sleep as much as they
choose, and thus keep out Of mischief.
Clergymen can sleep twenty -four
hours, and put their parish to sleep
once week.
A coLoRED woman was called to
testify in court in Worcester, Mass.
recently, in q trial of damages by
collision of two carriages on high
way. TO the question whether one
of the parties was intoxicated, she
answered that she did not know, but
she went as though he had bill of
sale on both sides Of the road"
A FARMER, who had employed
green Emeralder, ordered him to give
the mule some corn in the ear. On
his coming in, the farmer said: "Well,
Pat, did you give the corn?" ''To be
shure 1 did" allow did you give
TT" can shure jist as ye tould me,
in the ear" "How much did you
give?" Well, yez see, tho craythur
wouldn't hould still, and kept a-switch-
ing his ears about SO, that L couldn't |
git above fist full in both ears!"
It's better to brew beer than mis-
chiof-to be smitten with young
lady than with the rheumatism-to |
be pitted with mother-in-law than
the small-pox--to cut tooth than a
friend--to stand dinner than an
insult--to shoot partridges instead of
the moon--to have the drawing Of an
artist instead of a blister-and to
nurse the baby at any time in prefer
ence to your anger
A PHYSICIAN who recently conducted |
the post norton examination in the
. case of infanticide, reported that he
was 'unable to discover whether the |
child was alive OF not at the time of
its DEATH" That was probably the
same doctor who advertised his hay
ing removed "from the place where
he aow resides"
A YOUTH who desired to wear the
matrimonial yoke, had not sufficient
! courage to "pop the question" On
informing his father Of the difficulty
he labored under, the old man replied,
quite passionately: "Why, you.booby, |
how do you suppose I managed when
Igot married ?'' ooh, yes!' said the
promising lover, 'you married mother,
but I've got to marry strange girl"
RETURNING TuANKs.--When Can
ning's health was drank at the Min
isters' Blackwell dinner no replied
Gentlemen, this is fish dinner; so,
after sincerely thanking you for your
good wishes, 1 do not see that we can
do better than follow the example of
the fishes, who drink good deal, but
navar sneak -