Evansville daily journal. (Evansville, Ind.) 1863-1866, 1865-09-02
Cupid's Arithmetic.


The HoP CRoP We hear a good deal
about the failure of the hop crop, Don't
believe word of it. Advices from Sar-
atoga, Newport, and elsewhere, assure
us that the Hops were never more four
ishing than they are at present
The last number of Punch contains a
picture Of the bottom of the Atlantic
Ocean, with group of mermaids
swinging on the cable and gambolling
around it. At one side appears old
Neptune, who calls out, "Aho-o-oy therel
Let that ere cable alone, can't you
Tbat'sthe way 'tother one was wrecked"
A story 10 told of q recently deceased
Partisan, thai, perceiving one day after
a heavy fall of rain, a very well-dressed
young woman standing on the edge of
the side pavement of the Boulevard, and
evidently much perplexed as to the best
method of traversing the sea of mud be-
fore her, be CALAMITY advanced, took
her up in his arms, and carried her
across dry-shod. The lady made no OBJ
lection to the mode of transit, but, on
being set down, expressed her gratitude
as follows: " Sir, you are an insolent
fellowl" Thereupon, NJ. Bouchet i'm
mediately repaired the wrong by again
transporting her, with the same precau-
tions, to the very spot where he had first
met her, and took his leave with pro.
found salutationl $50
The "Uses Of Adversely" are thus
summed up by Punch:
You wear out your clothes.
You are not troubled with visitors.
You are exonerated from making
calls.
Bores do not bore you.
Tax.gatherers hurry past your door
Itinerant bands do not play opposite
your windows ft1e
You avoid the nuisance Of serving on
juries. A4 as
No one thinks of presenting you with
a testimonial
No tradesman irritates by asking, +" Il
there any other little article you wish
to-day, Sir2"1
Imposters know it is of no use to
bleed you.
You practice temperance.
You swallow infinitely less poison than
others.
Flatterers do not shoot their rubbish
into your ears.
You are saved many debt, many q
deception, many headache.
And lastly, If you have true friend
in the world, you are sure, in very
short space of time, to know it.
A man longing for Office always fan
cies himself invited to be candidate
An old maid, walking with gentleman
stumbled, aud he, TO prevent her falling
grasped her tightly BY the hand. "Oh
sir" said she, ''if it comes to that, yoT
must ask my papa,"
To remove status from the character
get rich.
Flour is an article well enough in iii
sphere, but we deprecate the rubbing o
it on the ladies' faces.
He who puts bad construction upor
a good act, reveals his own wickednes
ct heart.
1t is a waste of raw materials to pu
five dollars worth of beaver on ten cent
worth of brains.
The VALUE OF THE OATH-A Lessor
from an Ice Cream SdIoon.-Ealf {
dozen pretty women we're keeping up /
| busy chatter sill to themselves in an ice
cream saloon where we sat down for /
few moments. / am going North in
few days." says one, Ito buy som,
clothes" But, Laura, you mustn't d.
that; you II have to take the oath to ge
q pass; and you know you are inst o.
much of a rebel as ever you were.
Yes, of course" with a pretty shrus
of the aforesaid Laura's pretty shout
ders, but then-one must have clothes
you knowl" OF old il was discovered
that sermons might be found in running
brooks. May not Generals and highe
authorities who believe in hard swearin,
as a means Of grace, find lesson il
craftsmanship from the gossip of al
ice-cream saloon2- CAarlestoR Letter