davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

his stomach AZ neatly as the Harlequin
in the Green Monster pantomine ever
pierced the picture with the slit in it,
which always hangs SO conveniently
low and near.
Patrick Henry had his teeth knocked
out by flying missile, and IN carrying
Daniel Lambert down stairs, he was
found to be SO large that they had to
break off his hand in order to get him
through the door,
AT length the heat became 30 intense
the "figgers" began TO- perspire freely,
and the swiftly approaching flames
compelled all hands to dcsist from any
further attempt at rescue.
Throwing parting glance behind as
we passed down the stairs we saw the
remaining dignitaries in strange
plight. Some one had stuck cigar in
Gen. Washington's mouth, and thus
with his chapeau crushed down over
his eyes, and his head reclining upon
the ample lap of Moll Pitcher, the
Father of his Country led the caravan
of rs sorry band of patriots as not
often comes within ones experience to
see. Gen. Marion was play ing dunn
my game of poker with Gen. Lafayette;
Gov. Morris was having set-to with
Nathan Lane, and James Madison was
executing Dutch polka with Madam
Roland on one arm and Lucretia Bor-
gia on the other. The next moment
the advancing flames compelled us to
retire.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

The following is the farewell order
of Col. IIornerI to his command. 1t is
dated. headquarters 18th Michigan
Vols. Jackson, July 5, 1862 r
Fsiiow Soldiers: 1t is with unfcign-.
ed sorrow that l bid you reluctant
farewell. Together, at the call 'of our
common country, in the dark hour of
her peril, we rallied round the flag which
for three long years we have borne amid
the conflict. Ragged, and. tattered, and
torn, but with no dishonor upon it, we
have borne it in triumph homcward to
decorate the legislative halls Of cur no.
BILE state. aIf
Having done our duty as soldiers, we
return, at our country's bshcst, to re-
sumo our wonted places in, the quiet
walks of civil life.
In sundering the ties by Which COM
munity of interests, CT hardships, and of
sufferings, bind together the hearts Of
comrades-in- arms, cannot refrain from
according to you the need of praise to
which your high soldicry vualities and
excellence cntitle you. In your soldiery
pride and bearing; in obedience and
subordination to your supcriors; in per-
fect;on of drill and discipline; in man
ly department and moral integrity; in
the cheerful readiness with which you
have discharged every soldierly duty
in. patience on the weary march, and
unfinching courage on the battle field,
you have made for yourselves record
of which you may be proud. Your coun.
try will honor you among her defenders,
blt your best reward will be the proud,
lifelong satisfaction of having done your
duty. Three years of military service
have given you an experience and man
ly maturity which, with industry and
careful integrity, will insure you q ca,
reer of equal honor and success in civil
life,
IsAaIl everrevert with pride and plea
sure to my official connection with you.
There are few of you to whom am not
indebted for especial acts Of kindness |;
and each all have claim upon my graf
itude which time can never abate. Ev-
er solicitous of your honor and welfare,
aud unwilling that you should be un-
surpassed by any, l have enforced q
stringent discipline, because ! believed
that without it true soldiery excellence
could not be obtained. If, perchance,
amid the vexations and perplexities in-
cident to a commander, | have by word
or act done wrong to any one among
you all, l will in this hour Of parting
make full and ample reparation by ask
ing q generous forgiveness
Letsus drop tear to the memory of
our fallen comrades; assuage the sorrow
of their loved ones, by words of SYM
pathy and acts of kindness; render
thanks to Almighty God for our own
preservation, and go forward with
brave, upright and manly hearts to
meet the future, FAREWELL!
JoHN w. HoBNEB,
Colonel Commanding.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01
From the Adrian Watchtower.
Romance Of the War-The Dead
Alive.

The pen of the romancer or novelist
has made good use of instances which
have occurred where men were long
mourned rs dead have returned again
10 their families, Sailors, whose lives
arc full Of vicissitudes, have generally
monopolizcd this kind Of adventure, at
least in the pages Of romance,
The novelist Of this and succeeding
generations will find q wide and mex.
haustiblc field on which to draw for
incident to deck his pages in the many
romantic scenes, more strange and i'm
probable than his livcliest fancy could
invent, which have occurred in this
country during the past four years.
One has recently come under our own
observation.
About the timo Of the return of the
18th Infantry, in June last, list of
soldiers who died in hospital at Louis
vile, copied from Detroit paper, was
printed in these columns. The list in
cluded the name of ID. G. Barnes, COM
pany A, 18th Infantry. The wife Of
the soldier reported dead got the first
luleliiSclCc VI Ills Qetlil run liic ltsJ
as printed in the IVoichtower, and her
agony of mind can be imagined. To
confirm the news of his death, list
furnished us by member of company
A, showing the fate of every member
of that company, and which we print
ed June IA, also mention Barnes as
having died as in the list first mention
ed, and seemed to remove any hope
that may have fingered in the bosoms
of his relatives. His wife, supposing
herself widow, assumed the garb of
mourning, and yesterday employed an
attorney to prosecute claim for ar
rears of pay and bounty. But the ar,
rival of the afternoon train changed
her mourning to transports of JOY, for
it brought her husband back to her
alive aud well. He had by some mis-
take been reported dead, and being
separated from his regiment and oom'
pany, his comrades had supposed the
report correct,
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01
A Sonora Story.

The following rich story is related by
a Sonora paper, at the expense of a
queer genius who vibratcs between
that town and Oregon, as advance
agent Of CONCERT troupe, and who,
though pretty clever in "selling" the
curiously inclined, does not alwas come
off first best:
Frank Ball, travelling in a vehicle,
bearing strong resemblance toa ped
dler's cart. Old,lady rushes out from
tho house by the roadside. The fok
lowing coIoquy ensues:
Old lady-Say,. what have you got
to sell?
Ball am Q, travelling agent, mad
am, for the greatest menagerie Of an
cient or modern times, which is short
ly to be exhibited in this section, af.
fording to- ahe Inhabitants thereof an
opportunity of viewing the most stu.
pendous collection of animals ever be-
fore exhibited.
Old lady-You don't say! Have you
airy elephant?
Ban-We have, madam, six ele-
plants; but these constitute a compara-
lively unimportant part of the show
We have living specimens of hipeds
and quadrupcs, who roamed over the
earth not only in the antcdiluvian, but
also in the miocene and postmiocene
period, embracing the megatherium
with six legs and two tails; the iothy-
osarus, with four eyes and three tails,
the gyastucus, with no eyes, two noses
and four tails; the plcsiosaurus, resem-
bling Satan in shape, which spits fire
and breathcs sulphur, and many other
species too numerous to enumerate.--
We also have pious lawyer.
Old lady-Well / declare.
Ball-But, madam, the greatest GU
riosity by far of our exhibition is q
learned and classically educated mon.
key, who was brought up Moham-
medan priest in the mysterious regions
of the Great Desert of Sahara. This
monkey speaks with fiuency all the
modern languages, besides Latin,
Greek and Hebrew. He can repeat
the Ten Commandments, the Emanci.
patton Proclamation, President Lin.
coins last message, and performs the
most intricate examples in mathematics
with rapidity, ease and accuracy
While being exhibited in Washington,
he actually repeated long speech Of
tho President. This monkey CORES.
ponds
Beautiful young lady suddenly stick,
her head from the window, and calls
OUT
"Mother! mother, ask him why they
let the monkey traSe! so far ahead Of M'
other eyittsrsr'
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

A Gavelston letter Of the 18th says
the total amount of cotton IN Texas
don't exceed $4,000 bales. h13
The Houston Telegraph Of the goth
says the report that 10000 Missourians
are Mexico-bound, is undoubtedly
piece of nonsense. The entire party
is less than 400. On the 18th ult., a
portion of the 7th Iowa Cavalry fought
400 Sioux, captured four men killed..
The Indian loss is unknown, but tho't
to be heavy,
A pretty puzzle-"Now dear, bet
you anything that you can't tell which
is the front of my new bonnet.
The ''Embcrs' Of tho dying year
September, November and December.
Most bachelors are smart, but it is
only husbands that are shrew'd.
A gentleman, on hearing lady
praise the eyes of certain minister,
wrote the following,
Il cannot praise the doctors eyes
never saw his glance divine;
For when he prays he shuts his eyes.
And when he breaches he shuts mine"
During the week ending July 23d,
the Government re-opencd 43 Post Of
fees in the South-23 of them in Vir-
ginia, sin Mississippi, 9 in Tennessee
and three each in Kentucky and North
Carolina,
1t is reported on good authority that
John Minor Bolts will soon issue an
address to the people of Virginia, urg-
ing them to vote for negro suffrage, as
the only hope of the State for its re-
admission into the Union on terms Of
equality with other States.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01
Sherman BANQUET.

INDIANAPOLIS, July 26.-The Sher'
man banquet last night was grand
affair. TWAS given by officers and cx.
officers of the army. 1t cost $4,000.
Gen. Sherman, in responding to toast,
made lengthy argumentive speech
He said his ancestors being in the sea-
faring line, contributed largely to inn
ported African slaves, and he felt it his
duty as far as possible to atone for the
sins Of his ancestors. He considered
the slaves freed by the action of the
secessionists. 1t was tho duty of the
Government to protect and educate
them. They might be colonized in
Florida and permitted representation
in Congress. lie opposed negro suf-
fragc or indiscriminatc intercourse with
the whites. His observation in Mexi.
90 and South America led to this con-
clusion. He believed the whites must
have the governing influence. He be-
licved Omnipotence inaugurated the
rebellion to break down the legal hedge
that protected slavery from the just in
dignation of the civilized world. He
thought q plenty Of Southern States
would vote to ratify tho Constitutions
amendment. On the subject Of mill
tary power, he did not feel there wa'
any usurpation; but when necessity
passed, he hoped civil law would re
sumo its sway. ..-.s..,
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

THAT'S A FACT.-A venerable old
man says: "Let the slandered take
comfort-it is only at fruit tree that
thieves throw stones" The old man
is right. Who ever saw thieves throw
stones at the birch, maple or elm tree?
The more fruit the tree bears, and the
richer it is, the more it is likely to at
tract the attention Of the thief No
man that tries TO do his duty to his fell
lows, and endeavors to live to bear the
fruits of true religion in his daily cons
duct, oan for a moment suppose that
he will pass along through life without
being slandered more or less. Such n
man will of necessity have some enc
mics; and these enemies will try in
every way to injure him, and among
others, they will not be slow in stirring
up the polluted waters Of defamation
and slander. A Alan who has no ene-
mics is a milk-and-water nothing. We
would not give three figs for such ,
man. He who has anything, who
makes his mark in the world, who does
good, will have enemies; aud if he has
them he will be sure to be slandered.
Let him, then, be oomforted in the re-
Election of the venerable man quoted
as above: "It is only at fruit trees
that thieves throw stones"
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

How TO PREsERvE A BoQUET.-A
florist of many years experience sends
the following receipt for preserving
toquets to the american Artisdn:
"When you receive boquct, sprin-
kle it lightly with oold water; then put
it in a vessel containing soapsuds,
which noulish the roots and keep the
flowers as good as new. Take the bo-
quet ont Of the suds every morning
and lay it sideways in fresh water, the
stock entering first into the water;
keep it there minute or two, then
take it out and sprinkle the flowers
lightly by the hand with pure watcr.-
Replace tho boquct in the soapsuds
and the flowers will bloom up as fresh
as when gathered.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

FrRE.-Two stacks Of wheat were
burned upon the farm Of Erastus Ira
cy, near this village, on Saturday az.
ternoon last. About 500 bushels of
wheat were supposed to have been
consumed. The fire originated in a
needless, thoughtlcss attempt to destroy
humble bees nest by burning in a
straw.covered shed, adjacent 10 the
stacks, by two young men that day
employed in clearing the barnyard, pre-
paratory to threshing. The fire once
started, got beyond their control, and
not only destroyed the Stumble" bees,
but the straw shed and wheat, and se-
riously endangered the safety Of the
barns. The property was insured IN
thu Farmers Company Of this county
n-s.......ntine Mercury.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

ANIMOsITY IN THE SOUTH.-A COR
RESPONDENT Mt Huntsville, Alabama,
writes as follows:
, / attended, sociall gathering. the
other evening, the design. Of WHICH
was to. heal over all feelings of ami
mostly; but in, that il was signal fail
ure. The guests had no sooner as
sembled than the two divisions placed
the walls dividing the parlors between
them, and commenced their tete-a-tetes
in two distinct circles. AS for myself,
1 was amused, and made myself at
home, first in one room and then in the
other, improving my time in gathering
as much information as possible from
the elderly gentlemen present who
choose to be communicative. There
was nothing worthy of note transpired
until the gossips grew tired of SANDER
ing their neighbors and uttering sickly
nonsense, when one of the young la
dies present was called upon to favor
the company with some music. This
brought the secesh from the other room,
and there was. once more q contact OF
antagonistic elements. "What shah l
favor you WITH" said Miss s..
"Bonnie Blue Flag" said a rebel Col
onel, twirling his long sandy mus ache
around his long hony digit. "The
Bonnie Blue Flag is played out" re-
piled the lady; "bWt l have the music
set to the words of 'The Flag with
Thirty-four Stars Shall l favor you
with thate" "W-a-a-l, y-e e-s; l guess
we shall have to accept it as an ultima
tum; but l don't like it," "No, sir,
but you fear it," said a Yankee teach
er of colored schools, from Massachu,
setts. So the joke was on the Colonel,
and the lady, choking down her laugh
ter, began singing. 1 must confess, in
justice to her, Southern born and bred
as she is, that ! never heard a patriotic
song executed with more feeling
When she came to the chorus she
seemed to throw the whole impulse Of
her soul int the words
Hurrahl hurrah! tor equal rights hurrahl
Hurrah for the dear old flag with every stripe
and star,
1t created quite u sensation, to the edi
fication of the Yankees, and much to
the discomfort of the would be-rebels.
Taking it altogether, the Yankees rath
er got the best of it; but this did not
add to the declared object of the meet
ing.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01
From the Washington Chronicle.
Traitors Detected by
their Boots.

We have already noticed the fact
that the treason of Benedict Arnold
was discovered in the boot of Major
Andre, and that it was the same APP
pendage that enabled the troopers of
Colonel Pritchard to detect the cloven
foot of the great traitor of the present
century, under the petticoats of his
wife; but we have nowhere seen it sta
ted that Aaron Burr was captured un-
der almost similar circumstances: and
that but for the shape and appearance
of his boot he might have contrived to
escape the public humiliation which
aided to consign his name to eternal in
fanny, and thereby to complete the tri,
umvirate of American apostates and
ingrates, namely: Benedict Arnold,
Aaron Burr and Jefferson Davis. We
extract from Parton's "Life Of Burr"
page 444, as follows:
''On cold evening in February two
young lawyers were playing back-gam-
mon in cabin Of the village of Ware
field, Washington Co., Alabama, The
hour of ten had arrived and they were
still absorbed in the game, when the
distant tramp of horses arrested their
attention, The travellers rode up to
the door, one of whom, without dis
mounting, inquired for the tavern. 1t
was pointed out to him. Uethen asked
the road to Colonel Hinson's, noted
resident of the vicinity. One of the
two lawyers, Perkins by name, replied
that the house was seven miles distant,
the road exceedingly difficult to find,
and there was dangerous creek to be
crossed.
"While he was explaining the road,
the light of their pine-wood fire flashed
occasionally upon the cOuntenance OF
the traveller who asked the questions.
Perkins gazed upon the face as though
it fascinated him. The eyes Of the
stranger sparkled like diamonds as he
sat composed and erect upon a superb
horse, better caparisoned than was
usual in the wilderness. His dress was
the rude home-spun of the country, but
the quick eye of Perkins observed that
his boots were far too elegantly shaped, OF
iusbtSIihiS hhuCIi boO INV, w aSOoiu WIN
the coarse, ill-cut pantaloons from which
they protruded. The travellers rode on.
Perkins's suspicious were aroused
The striking features Of the man with
whom he had conversed, the incon-
gruity of his dress, his superior air,
the lateness Of the hour for strangers
to he abroad in region so wild and
unknown, all confirmed the impression
which had been left in his mind
Rushing into the cabin he exclaimcd
"This Is Aaron Burr! / have read
a description of him in the proclamtion
/ cannot he mistaken. Let us follow
him to Hinson's and take measures fol
his arrest
ellis companion, not so easily moved
ridiculed the project of pursuing Q
traveller at so late an hour, merely on
q conjecture, and in short, refused to
60. But Perkins, not deferred from
his purpose, hastened to ncighborine
cabin, reused the sheriff of the county
and told him his story. In few min
utes the two men were equipped, and
rode off at rapid paoo through the
pine woods"
And upon tho information given
Burr and his companion were subse
qucntly arrested.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

The question of changing a woman"
is exercising the Press and the public.
The New York Herald says: "One
notable question is settled by this ex.
eoution--a woman can be hanged when
justice requires it. The laws against
crime do not discriminate between the
sexes; but public opinion does. No
good reason can be given why bad
woman should be spared where bad
man would die; but a sentimental no.
ton does not stand upon reasons, and
1t seemed possible that such notion
might have favorable effect on Mrs.
Surratt's fate. 1t is healthy sign
when the law cannot be swaycd from
iw straight oowes BY such means,
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

EU Referring to the 4th July celebra-
tion at Old Point, n correspondent Of
the Philadelphia Inquirer says'
An inadvertent joke was perpetrated
yesterday at Richmond by the humane
and gallant Miss Surgeon Walker
Among the visitors at the late rebel
capital, were the officers of the British
gunboat Styx. Miss Walker, M. D.,
installing them for officers of our own
navy, invited them to seat on the
platform. The English officers accep-
ted, and when they were comfortably
seated, Miss Surgeon Walker arose, and
road with good emphasis and discretion
"The Declaration of Independence" y
The officers Of the Styx acknowledged
the corn. They patiently listened to
the charges again George iii. They
never heard them before in so conpicu
Gus position enuncianted by fair
lady.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

The Government has forwarded in
structions to the commander Of the
Department of Virginia, to reduce tho
volunteer cavalry under his command
to two regiments. Similar orders have
been sent to tho Commanding Generals
of the Middle and North Carolina De-
partments, directing them to discharge,
with the exception Of one, all volun-
teer cavalry regiments attached to their
respective commands. THoa
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

Mrs. FARrlNGroN AMONG TuB WILD
BEAsTs.-Widow Partington has re-
gently paid visit to the menageric, and
thus relates her experience, for the in
struction of whom it may concern:
You see, my dcars, )that's her way
of addressing all the world and the rest
Of mankindD ] never was in such a
Noah's ark Of q plaoc before, and
materially / was oonsiderabully frustIa-
ted and DISCONTINUED. Thar was the
elephant, with his orful long prognosis,
and the taper on the same plan, but
couldn't hold a candle to him; and the
juggler, or South American tiger, o
tricky varmint; and the oonder's sister,
but it turned out to a sarpint, and the
edicated mule, that sartingly hedn't
been edicated Mt school where they
taught manners, and the jappaned
swine--Lord sakes! how they did smell
Of the varnisb; and the painter, that
was continually brushing from one side
of his cage to tho other; and the six
banded peccadillo, from South America;
and the cammomile, of the African
desert; and the gaysell, that 1 wanted
to buy, but the price WAS redickalus;
and the four performing quadrupeds,
that Van Humbug went into the cage
tew. Oh, it was q remarkable exhibi-
ton or the works of rater, and well
calkillated to teach the most on refiec-
ting that we arc all frightfuly and won,
dorfhlly made!
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

czy- The latest Chicago notion, ac-
cording to the Tribune, is "an Anti
stink Association" the members of
which pledge themselves to combine
against, prosecute and extiuguishfthe
insalubrious wretches who produce the
inntmcrablc lively stinks now preva-
lent in that city.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

The Sandusky Register says: "Ma-
ior Lee, Commandant of the Post of
Johnson's Island, has received an or
der for the discharges of all the rebel
prisoners now confined on the Island,
and is busily engaged in making out
their discharges. We presume the
prison will be cleared to-day of all ex-
cept Cole. Robinson, and two other
State prisoners.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

Dogs in Texas are trained by put
ting them with the sheep when they
are blind puppies, and rearing them
with the lambs. Tho dogs arc regular.
ly fed at certain hour in the evening.
and so never fail to bring the dock IN
at the right time.
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01

AE The oldest inhabitant" OF
Erie, Pa, was found the other day i'm.
beded in piece of bituminous coal
that had been broken for burning. 1t
was a Hvs frog which was reused from
a nap of many thousand years. 1t is
probabl that, when he came to the sur
ace, he hardly recognized his own
own. ID Ni gnu
The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1865-08-01
EARM FOR SALE.
S25. 90 pcr Acre.

The subscriber offers for sale his Farm located IN
Jefferson. foar miles from the village OF fili-dae.
tasning 3f5 scres 100 improved. two good orch
s'ds one bearing irn. good frame barn aud house in
eourss of cepsrgction, well timbrred aud within
piIe OF Rairo I'd wood yard, timber cen be made TO
half pay Tor the farm. yell gstorrd.
Bsnsdsiss Feb ~, leee. q. n.T0vLER.