davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26
WHOLE NO. AS.

JOSH BlLLlNos on "ORDAIN1Sa. Josh
Billings says: We commence life-we
are somebody's baby--we have faxen hare
I've 90 to districk skule--we slids down
hill--we pla hoozy-we have great defikul
ty with our noses--we learn how tn smoke,
and find curself men grown all tn onst.--
Thus fur natur has piped, and we have
danced, and their haint been no fiddlers to
pay, but now comes in the speshial ordain.
ment times. I hav bin thru with awl this
my self and stood on the threshold, young
man locking around READILY to be ordained.
] felt as tho wud give $76 at least II sum-
budy wud cum along and ordain me, and
let me pitch in. waited for six weeks, If
reklsckt right, and never got the first
smell ov emmy ordaining. Then konkud.
cd to ordain miself, hit or miss. The f;rst
thing tried on was 80 akers ov land in
the western kintry. l ordered the venson
and wild turkey and possums tew leave for
I was going to farm it. l ordered log
house and much rale fense inmcgately,
and put in crop Of wheat, and procured
swine and yoke ov stages. I worked 2
years, had the ager and lite crops princi
pally, and managed to sink the farm and |
stsggs; haint seen neither ov them from |
that ds, and don't want tn. didn't seem
to be speshially ordained for farming in the
western kentry.
S'nse that time I have tried every kind
ov bizness that could hear ov, an amt bin
speshially ordained in mi knollege. The
fault lays in the different kind ov bizness,
haint the least doubt Tire bfzness that I
was designed for me probably haint been
ordained vet, but intend tu keep boring,
and when do strike lie there will be a
good time generally in mi immegiate neigh.
borhood, I hav got any quantyty ov
friends (tha don't ceem to cum by ordina-
shun.) I got mine, and manage to keep
them BY not asking them for enything but
advice, you can: ask enything ov Q man
that kosts him les, than adviz.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

TuE New York Indspendent breaks
ground for female suffrage. 1t thinks the
war has prepared the people to consider
this question favorably. The Independene
should begin with the churches, which do
not allow their women to vote--very few
permit them to speak even. -
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

A CAV and festive Eng'ishman paid visit
to Washington Market, and espied some
watermelons. Jaw !" said he, "cawnt you
grow larger apples than those in this coun.
try!" "Apples y exclaimed the vender,
"they amt apples They're some green
peas I've been shelling." rs
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

A gentleman whose wifeinf1icts upon him
every season two or three immense evening
parties, was standing, on one Of those occa.
sions, in very forlorn condition, leaning
against the chimney. piece, when . gentle.
man, coming up to him, said, ''Sir. ~
neither Of US are acquainted here, think
we had better 20 home"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

AN eccentric party, of which Douglas
Jerrold was one, agreed to have supper
Of sleeps heads. One gentleman present
was particularly enthusiastic on the excel.
lence of the dish and, as he threw down
his knife and fork, shouted. "W.ll, sleeps
heads forever, say - There's egotisml y
exclaimed Jerrold.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

THs London Herald says "the govern
ment of the North rceled into it's second
four years" The drunken capers Of tn"
Vice. President are nuts to that high tory
journal. but it should have remembered
that not many years ago England had for
Ling drunken debauchse, who could
not even be shaved until he had swsllowed
half a pint Of French brandy.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

A FUNcrIoSARy.-It seems that lawyer
is something Of carpenter; he can Gle .
bill. split hair. make an entry, got up
case, frame IN indictment. impsnel . jury.
put them in box. nail witness, ham.
mer judge, bore court, and other like
things
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

A Massachusetts, judge has decided that
. husband may open wifs's letters. on the
ground 30 often and so tersely stated BY
Mr.. Theophilus Parsons, Of Cambridge.
that "the husband and wife are one, and the
husband is THAT oNE!'
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

Ar the battle before Kinston. N. c., the
27th Massachusetts,. in command Of Col.
Bartholomev, received from him this order:
"Don't let mo see 3 man of YOU run until
you see me run and be careful and not take
any other man for me-"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

Two men were conversing about the III.
humor of their wives. "Ah," said ono,
with q sorrowful expression, ''mine is .
Tartar" "Well," replied tho other. 'mine
ia worse than that mine is the cream Of
Tartar"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

GEN. HOOKER is to be the recipient of a
cane costing %, 900. the same to be present.
ed to him by Senator Copness, Of Cali.
fornia, on behalf Of friends 10 California
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

NoTuING LIKE LEArHER.-A toast given
for the shoe and leather manufacturers -
May they have all the women in the coun-
try to shoe, and the men to boot"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

A Preacher once said that ladies were
very timid; they were afraid to sing whss
they were asked aflsii Of taking cold /;
afraid Of snails or spiders, but hs never
knew ono afraid to get married.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

TIE maple sugar crop in Vermont last
year was worth $2,250,o00, and farmers
are determined TO make it worth good
deel more tbs year. SO
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

Each Of the five passenger packets Of ths
N. w. Packet Co. will have an agent on
them, distributed as follows: -
Key City, r. Armstrong .s
Itasca, W. K De Lorimer. ... .- e.7-,
Northern Light, G. Emmert. ..-f
War Eagle, DR.. Jones. r.
Milwaukee, Mr.. Tennis. IN
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

TAsNEss are using petroleum in psepas.
ing leather. It is said that they find il
quite as good for that purpose as froeh oil,
which is generally used.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

The silent usually accomplish more than
the clamorous. The tail Of rattlssnake
makes al the noise, but the head does the
execution.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26
DON'T WAIT FOR THE WAGON.

VXTE have just purchased another splendid TRUCK
w TEAM, and are prepared to do jobs of dray-
ing on short notice and at reasonable rates All damage
done TO goods while In our hands will be promptly paid
Thanking the public for past patronage solicit your
further orders. W. G. AUSTIN l. CO.,
as Truck and Draymen.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

TEE Chattanooga Gazette says that q
party recently penetrated a cave in lookout
Mountain about tive miles.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1865-04-26

SoUAR,NG THE CIRcLE.-If you think L
an easy thing to square the circle, just 80
and settle your wiie's bill for hoops.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
CINCINNATI MARKET.

Oct0Dcr, II, 1860.
Flour-A quiet market and but lit.
tie doing. Good brands of suporfino
IS. Small sales of extra at So 50a9 so.
Family and fancy at 50 75a11. '@
Whcat-A dull market. Old Red
was 50 20, but little could bo sold at
over 81 10. Sales of new were made
at 81 1Oa1 95 according to quality.
Barley-Unchanged and lifeless.-
Correct quotations cannot be given.
Provisions-Dull and prices general
ly It w1r. Mess Pork offered at S34 so
without buyers. Shoulders and Sides
1Sa19c.
Corn-Dull and lifeless. Sound ear
and shellcd at SOC.
Oats-Dull with few sales at 43c.
Rye-Salcs at S0a9Oc.
Groceries-Rio Coffee at 3Oa33c; IA
also for raw Sugar, and $1a1 10 for
Porto Ricco Molasses.
Butter-Prime to choice Central O.
hio commands 45a4Sc. .~
Cheese--Advanced to 2Oa2O1c. 3.
Eggs-27a2Sc per doz.
Fruit--Grecn Apples at s4a5 per
barrel.
Potatoes--The receipts are scarcely
sufficient to supply demand; So IS per
per barrel. tI,.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
- o S--s------ -
The pnrtlOnInR polIcv

There arc many Union men dissat
isfied with tho policy of tho President
in granting pardon TO such vast
number of rebels. Thoy think he is
not making good his pledge to pun.
jsh traitors and to render treason obi.
Gus. Hon. Hugh NhCulloch, ono Ct
President Johnson's advisers, in a
speech delivered ut Fort Wayne on
tho evening of tho llth inst, speaking
upon this subject, said;
"Thcrc is no man who holds in great.
or abhorronce than ho does the crime
OF treason, or the Infamous scouLdrel.
who systematically and deliberately
starved and poisoned our soldiers in
prison. To tho plottcrs of tho rebel
lion, / apprchcnd, no hasty pardons
to tho murderers of our gallant sol.
dicrs, no mercy"
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
Facts Concerning the Wirz Trial.

WATuINGToN, Oct. 15,-Thc record
of testimony in the Wirz trial makes
., 900 fools-cap paper divided into scv.
enty parts, and contains between g.
600 and 1000 objections and rulings
of Court. Ono hundred and sixty wit.
nesscs were examined on both sides,
several of whom were individually on
the stand, two days for examination in
chief and cross. examination.
Mr.. Baker, of counsel for the dc
fense, thought it would take him sew.
on or eight days to properly read the
mass of testimony, in addition to the
subsequent task of examining all tho
points of law, and last of all, the criti-
cisms of the statements of witnesses.
comparison OF the different classes oi
testimony, and writing out his argu.
mcnt. Ho insisted on having two full
weeks for the performance ofhis labor
saying it was utterly impossible for
him to complete it in q shorter period
of time.
The Court at first. gave him eight
days, and afterward extended the lin
it TO twelve days, but Mr.. Baker woult
take nothing less than two weeks from
Monday, and failing in this, he chos,
TO submit the case without argument
Colonel Chipman is already prepar
ing his argument, promising TO covel
the ground on both sides, and will rcat
it next Wednesday, when, as is usua
in such cases, the court will, with clos.
ed doors, proceed to consider anC
make up their findings in tho case be-
fore them.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19

Wool has been very quiet this week.
The uncommon dry weather keeps
manufacturers out of the market, with
q few exceptions. There are somo
who are impressed with the same con.
viction that dealers are, that Wool will
not be any lower for long time to
come, and are buying in q very quiet
manner at present rates; for, notwith-
standing the extreme drouth, and the
very small demand, few are disposed
to concede, but if any one is found
that is willing to make aslight conces-
sion-.or compelled 10 do SO on account
Of funds there are dealers ready to
take such lots, in the full confidence
that we shall have an advacc Just as
soon as rain comes.
Our quotations are as follows: Ohio,
Pennsylvania and Virginia full blood,
75@SSc; z blood, 75@773c; ] blood
7O@75c; common and / blood, G5@68;
These prices arc also modified materi-
ally by the condition.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
New YORK, Oct. 16.

NEW YORK, Oct. 10.
Flour-Sales at sS 4s as go for ex-
ira State; 5000 25 for common. Il
Whisky-Western at So 80. -.
Wheat--Sl fool 80 for Chicago
spring; 81 77@1 80 for Milwaukee club,
81 S0@1 81 for amber Milwaukee.
Barlcy-1@2c better, at 81 10 for
State. t' M lei i'.i .
Corn--Under large receipts, and 20
&c lower, at 75@76c for unsound; 87@
893c for sound mixed western, -.
Oats-lc lower, sales at 45@53c for
unsound and 56@60c for sound. sa5H
Sugar-Quiet and firm; Cuba Muro-
vado l4Bc. Hy G.a t.aua aa
Pork-Less active and .lowor, at
S34 1905 25 for Mess. n 30
Bcef-Quiet and firm, at $40 50@12
30 for plain Mess, and s13 so for ex-
ira Mess.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19

They ought TO understand that liberty
means simply the right to work, and
enjoy the products of labor, and that
the laws protect them. That being
done. and when we como to the period
to feel that the men must work or
starve, the country will be prepared to
receive system applicable to both
white and black-prcpared to receive
q system necessary to the case. A
short time back you could not enforce
the vagrant law on the black, but
could on the white man; but get the
public mind right, and you can treat
both alike. Let us get general prin-
ciples, and details and collaterals will
follow. "
In addition to these friendly expires,
sions toward the blacks, we have the
Presidents late speech to the returned
colored troops of the District of CO.
lumbia. To these soldiers he said
lyon have served with patience and
cndurar CO in the cause of your coun-
try. This is your country as weN as
any body else'S country" To which he
added. "I his country is founded upon
the principles Of equality"
The loyal people may trust the Pres.
ident to crush out and punish treason
to secure the freedom and protection
of the blacks, and to restore the South.
crn States to tho Union. In all his
words and deeds there appears the
practical wisdom, the honest purpose
and the superiority to personal and
vindictive feelings, of a statesman. He
is erich in saving common sense" and
is, like President Lincoln, feeling his
way, safely and steadily, through tho
difficulties which lie in his path.
The attempt Of the Coppcrheads tc
Tylerizc him will not succeed. IIC
will have no objection to their coming
to him, but ho is above the partizar
and vii! never go to them. They
should do something to make amends
for their vile treatment of him. They
spit in his face at Lynchburg, thcy
raised howl of dcrision when he wa,
reported intoxicated at the inaugura
tion, and they called him n murderer
for approving tho execution of tho as
sassns of President Lincoln. lie
them go down on their knees befor,
him, like thor brother rebels who ar,
seeking pardon at Washington, anc
ask his clcmency.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
The PennsrIvanla E1ootlon. i.

PHILADELPHIA, Oct. 15.-Mr. John
Cessna, Chairman of the Union Gem
trail Committee, furnishes the follow
ing information to tho Associated
Press: ED. f Aoa fc
Tho result of the late election in
Pennsylvania has notbeen correctly
reported. Forty.two counties official,
overrun tho majority of 1862, and
leave tho Union candidates clear ma
-jority of17,OO0. Thoroported major
ity IN the balance of tho State, twen-
ty.fJur counties, give from 5000 to7,-
900 Union majority. The majority on
tho home vote will certainly exceed
that OF President Lincoln on the home
and army vote, by several thousand.
The Union party will have two. thirds
of both branches of the Legislature.
The Union party gain in thirty eight
of tho forty two counties officially re-
turned. .44A ~ pa 4
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19

Tho official report OF the Secretary
OF the Treasury, announces the graft
Tying fact OF great reduction of the
National debt in September.
The Treasury department not only
met all tho current expenses of the
Government in September, but PAID
OFF TWELVE MILLIONS SEVEN
HUNDRED AND FORTY TWO
THOUSAND DOLLARS, (S12,742,-
oOo) Of the principal of the public
debit.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
Dea-Tho Mobile Register, misled by

Gea.Tho Mobile Register, misled by
an informant'to anticipate crushing
Democratic triumph in Ohio and Penn,
sylvania, and othor Northern States,
this fall, concludes an article on the
subject with tho following significant
paragraph;
"'Bortram's right and Bertram' 6
might will yet bo manifested, and his.
tory may still have to write upon its
pages that the rebels of 1861 saved
tho United States Government from
premature decay, and its Constitution
from becoming mere tatterod paroh-
ment, which had lost its vital sanctions,
andwhose principles of liberty noed-
cd to be watercd once again with An
glo. Saxon blood"
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
Ills CIrnlonoy,

Tho rebels, after tho assassination,
called President Johnson His Acciden.
cy instead of His ExcolIoncy. There
arc now several thousand Of thom on
thoir knees at Washington addressing
him as His Clcmoncy.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
LET 'EM sIIIyINK

Gen. Jordon has pablishcd in Har.
pcrs Monthly n crit;quc upon jeff.
Davis. The Southern papers are in
dignont that it should appear in Har,
per, a magazine, they say, "from which
every true Southernor instinctively
shrinks." We say, let en- shrink
We hope the ITarpcrs will continue to
hold tho rebels up to tho scorn and
ridicule which they deserve. They
'wlll commend whatever they find of
the true spirit in tho South, but loyal
men arc not to be kept from express
ing themselves freely concerning the
men who have been in rebellion. The
Southern papers arc also grumbling
at certain illustrations in Harper's
Weekly. Let thcm "shrink" from the
Weekly also. ...ts. s...atrtg
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
ing counties .

ing counties :
Allen, Ashland, Auglaize, Butler,
Crawford, Coshocton, Fairfield, Frank
lin, Hancock, Henry and Putnam,
Hooking, Holmes, Licking, Marion,
Mercer and Van Vert, Monroe, Perry,
Pickaway, Pike, Richland, Ross, San
dusky, Shelby, Tuscarawas & Vinton.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
MDomocrnlio anin.,n

We stated last week that tho falling
off in tho Union majority in tho State
was not duo to democratic gains, or nc.
ccssions from tho Union party. 1t
was principally due TO the indifference
Of Union mon who remained away
from tho polls. This is shown by the
vote Of nine wards in tho city Of Glove.
land:
Total vote for Lincoln. q, 056
Total vote for Cox..........,......3,37G
Falling off. 1850
Total vote for Mcclellan 900
Total vote for Morgan. .."........... ..2,871
Falling off ..38
There is q FILLING Off in both the
Union and Democratic votes, with a
greater loss in tho former than tho
latter. Tho Democracy came nearer
polling thoir full strength, and hence
tho apparent democratic gains" 'flf
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
SPECIAL NOTICES.
ITCHl ITCH! ITCH
"A C9er1.


Editor % Gazette; .4.....
lnreply to many letters and inquiries from poorIc
IN ths section Of the country, the undersigned take
great pleasure In saying through the columns Of
your paper that our renowned preparation, known
us Goes dyspepsia Cure is certain cure for Dys-
pepsG nlts worst stages. Many cures fong stand
ing Wlthih our own acquaintance, have been COM
Pletely, ana we believe, permanently cured. II will
stop dstress after eating almost nstan taneously,
ana enables the dyspeptic who has lived for years
upon Graham bread and the painost diet to oat AZ
nenrtlly as ne pleases, and anything he chooses,
wthout danger of distress, souring, or rising on
the stomach' II nm lntalble correetor OF ndiges-
ton snd constipation, creates a healthy appetite
stops sex headache, heart burn, sickness at the
stomach, pains cramps, or cholic in either stomach
or Oowels and sweetens often i've breath, as A.
you take u, and by enabling the patient TO take
plenty offood (which is the parent of health" proc
duceS vgor strength and energy. In every trial we
have known, ii has speedily eTadicated DyspapsiA
with all its attendant suienngs, weaknesses, debi-
ity and loss OF pOwor, giving instead proper actiy-
ity and tone tothe stomach and oreansof digestion,
and as we confidently believe, and as the published
certificates in our circulars, almanacs, and in many
OF the leading Journals from conyaescent patients
VIII confirm, completely, permanently, and almost
mlraculously ,cure the worst case Of Dyspepsia in
existence" We warrant IN every instance. II can
be Obtained at all the Drug Stores in the United
states and Canadas at 81 per bottle or six bottles for
So' O. G. CLARK, Proprietors,
New Haven, Conn.
For sale by G. G.. BECK, Druggist '
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
LIST OF LETTERS

Anderson P A Mall Charles
Bushnell, A r Linn Charles My
Bluenstack Chris, Lawrcnce& Massey
topher, German Marshall MaggicA
Cork George Ormsbek O
Calkins Sarah, PayneHarrisonMEB
Engla Lioa Miss Polling Jacob
Goss Abraham Peters Mary A ! -
hyland Patrick Read Colonel
Sec'ty Hook Hook Rittey M e 5-s.
ing Encamp't2S Sweeny J D.
Kennedy John A Taylor T Il IA
Larrick Maria O Whitzel Henry
MoCan Adolph Yankerman H.
These letters are subject to an extra
charge of one cent.
9. NJ. l.. WISEMAN,
a Postmaster.
Lancaster, October 10, 1865. ,n7t,,.s
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
Gen. Crosvenor Reported Elected

OCOHVSNC"' =
The following special dispatch TO
the Cincinnati Gazette is from Louis
villc, Oct ober IL:
"Colonel Grosvenor says he has
returns from the soldiers which insure
his election to the Senate for tho dis
trict of Athens, Hooking and Fairfield
counties.
Should the above provo true, we
have four or five old hats TO burn.
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
THE ELECTIONS.

The elections for 1865 are now over
and the result is set down rs follows /:
~f UNION MAJoRiTIEs.
Maine............. ..".. 10000
Vermont. .........-.... 10000
Connecticut............. 5000
California. -...... ...... 10000
Iowa.. .................... 10000
Pennsylvania, between $4,000 and
$4,000.
Ohio (unofficiaD 28,2S7
Indiana, not ascertaincd but largely
Union.
The Legislatures in Pennsylvania
and Iowa are two. thirds Union.
In Iowa, Governor Stone openly nd.
vocated negro suffrage and yet his
majority is. 10000. The people pre-
fcrred man in favor Of negro suffrage
to Coppcrhead. III
We invite tho attention of the Cop.
perhcads TO the "moral effect" Of the
above figures. Their last refuge was
in tho negro question, and that ha.
failed them. Tho people have agair
endorsed the Union party negro and
all. Where will tho lcprous democra
cy turn for help?
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19
wool IN NEW YoR1S.

Lancaster, October 10, 1866. ,n,
The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1865-10-19

The elections for 1865 are now over
and the result is set down rs follows /:
-r UNION MAJORiTIEs.