, 1865-05-19

and knocking over a shelf loaded with pans of
milk. a1nm r59d atl4
"Deuce take it, exclaimed he scrambling to
his feet and rubbing his head Show do the
women manage with these infernallong dresses2
shall break my neck yet.''
The fire made up again, Mr.. Keith bethought
him of dinner. He looked at the time piece, it
was one o clock Almost time for callers What
should he have for dinner He had heard his
wife say that rice pudding was easily made
he would have a rice pudding, and boiled pota-
toes, and fried steak
He Sled a basin with rice, strewed in a little
sugar, dropped in an egg, and set the vessel in
to the oven. The potatoes he washed in soap
suds, that they might certainly be clean, and
put them in the tea kettle because they would
boil quicker. el aat fIta Qn
1 The steak was frizzing in the frying pan-he
proceeding to set the table when the bell rung.
He caughtup the pan from the fre--to keep
it from burning-and made haste. to the front
door Then he remembered that it would not
be Just the thing to go to the door with frying
pan in his hand, so he deposited it on the par
lor sofa, and answered the ring. cog1sfiL
Mrs Dr.. Nudge was on the steps, in her best.
HWhy, Mr.. KeithP' she exclaimed, "is there
a masquerade here to-day? What metamorph-
oss. - na19r
'.Yes-IAdare say" stammered Keith, "my
wife is absent, and am playidg Bridget. Walk
Mrs Nudge sailed into the parlor which was
dar1ened to exclude the sun, and without stop
ping to look at her seat sank into the frying pan
on the sofa
ba"Jupiterrr cried Mr.. Keith, "you'ye done
itnow.@ s..-
Mrs Nudge sprang upMthe grease dripping
from her rich silk to the carpet. Her face grew
dark She was tempted to say something cut
ting bat managed to control hersef-bowed
hanghtily and swept out Of the house.
Keith returned to the kitchen alittecrest fall
len, for Mrs. Nudge wasla lady before whom he
desired to appear particularly we'll.
There was a tremendous cracking in the oven
He thought of his pudding and looked IN. The
burnt rice had hopped over the oven the basin
had melted apart and the pudding was hot
He Shut the door upon the ruins in disgust, and
Hooked after his potatoes, only to find them
boiled to a perfect Jelly.
70 And just as he made this discovery there was
sharp peal at the door bell.
rCreation there that abominablc bell again
I wondIr who's come now? l wish folks would
stay athome. I'll lock all the doors and cut
che bell wire after to-day"
AT the door he found Mr.. and Mrs Fidget and
their three children.
Cd '9Jy dear Mr. Keith; how do you do % cried
Mrs Fidget ave were in town and thought
we woaldjust step into dinner. Were IS Mrs
Keth9'
i5 'she has gone away said Keith, ruefuIIy
wondering what he should feed them on. Walk
\ in, do. lam housekeeper to-day
'Yes, so should judge. But, of course, you
make splendid one. 1 remember you used TO
be frequentfr telling Mrs Keith and myselfhow
easy housekeeping mustbe. II mdst be mere
play to you Dont putyoufself out, beg. oi
Put MYSELF out, indeed, cried Keith, rtFeat-
ing to the ktehen. Good gracious, what shall
do? I'd give a hundred dollars if Mary was
only h-el Where shall / BEGIN
lie ew out the table. begun to set it without
any clcth-then took off the plates and put on a
cloth-thc very one be had wiped the dishes
with This task Completed, he put on some
more potatoes and some more stcak-bVrned his
steak to a Undertook off his potatoes when he
did his meat, and putal on thc table. There
was a loaf Of baker bread ip the cupboard-he
paraded that, and called his guests to dinner.
quizzica smile spread over Mrs. Fidgets
face at sight of the repast Keith was in a
cold perspiration. ,-sg
Ma, cried little Johnny Fidget, 'my9pate is
oil greasy and SO is my knifei can't eat in dir
ty dishes'
'And my fork is wet all over with water drop
ping off from the table cloth-and my tater
amt half biied cried little Jane Fidget.ssg--
A Slight noise in the kitchen drew the atten-
tion Of Mr. Keith. r,.-
'Jupterl cried he, 'f Mrs. oFlahertys dog
amt making off with my steak ..or..r
He Jumped from the table, and started in pur-
suit. The dog had tie best ofit-Keith's unac-
customed attire was sad dra@back, and be
made but little headway. rr.- -er II
Kihbim,' he yelled to the crowd that Joined
in the pursuit. III give fiteen doilar9 for his
hide -.-,- ,-i
Mrs. o'Fiaherty, berself appeared on the scene
with a skillet of hot water. r -,r ,-tr1
Tech him if We darer cried she, I'll break
the bones Of every mothers son fyees Stand
. fr rno or vpi m q
Keith took step forward-stepped on his
shirt, and pitched head FIRST into a. wine cellar
where half dozen men were playing cards,
THE devil in petticoats, exclaimed one of the
gamesters. and The place was emptied quicker
/ than n wink. .l t-as
The police picked pprMr. Keith, considerably
/ bruised, and carried him home. bis company
had taken their departure; and somebody, not
having the fear Of the law upon them, had en-
tered and stolen a hundred dollars worth Of
/ PoPeiYfL rirrrL a1f cf r-lrn4L % afr..
Mr.. Keith sent the following note to his wife
| by the evening mail:
cid Deqr Marg IL Come home give up beat
A woman does have great dealto do.9 1 con-
fess myselfineompetent to manage. Come bone
ana you shall have new silk dress and a
daughter Of Erin to divide your labors.
Io sfo Yours disconsoately H. KEITH9f
l..fI - oil .----~~---~-@0 r-1~------ -. .rrHt
One hundred and eighty years ago. Samuel
Sewall, afterward ChiefJustceo ofMassaehusetts,
represented to the General Court 'that his house
of wood in Boston, where the Rev. John Coffin
formerly dwelt. which house is considerably dis
tant from other buildings and standeth very
bleak, and be prayed for liberty to build "a
small porch of wood about seven feet square to
break of the wind from the fore door Of said
house, which request the Court granted The
house SO }leak and exposed was on fremont
street, about opposite where The Boston Museum
now stands.-BostoR IraDeJer. l9 Dif'
| o A very curions case of poisoning by the alb
sorption of tobacco through the skin was, mem
toned at recent meeting of the Academic des
Sciences, by NJ. Cl Bernard, who received the
information from N. Namais, smuggler had
placed quantity of unmanufactured tobacco
next his skin, and the perspiration caused by
walking caused the poisonous properties Of the
tobacco to enter the system; the consequences of
which were very serious--Once Week no .. 70
IT, rna .