Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1865-12-28
The First Baby.

By the Rev. Mr., s. w. b., to c. g.,
only daughter, etc. &C No cards" Why
didn't it say no baby? have one Of those
interesting animals at my house. 1t came
when it rained, dark as pitch, and my um-
brella at the store, no cars running. The
doctor lived five miles due West. and the
nurse six miles due east, and when got
home to the bosom of my family the con-
ia funny little chip, that baby, Solferino
color, and the length Of Bologna sausage.
Gross? / guess mott I'm, UNI; it COM
menccd chasing me down the pathway Of
life Just when muslin, linen and white fan
mel were the highest they had been since
Adam built house for Mrs. Ewes chickens
Doctors charged two dollars squirt, four
dollars grunt, and, on account of the
scarcity of rain in the country, take What is
left in man s-pocket, no discount for cash,
and send bill Tor balance, January 1st. A
poor little thing is that baby; speck Of a
rose like wart; head as bald as O squash,
and no place to hitch waterfall; mouth
just suited to come the gum game and chew
milk. Oh, crackee, you should hear her
sing. / have bumped it, stuffed my fur cap
down its throat, given it the smoothing iron
to play with, but that little red lamp that
looks as if it couldn't hold blood enough to
keep musketo from fainting, persists in
yelling like thunder. 1t shows great de-
sire to swallow its fists; and the other day
they dropped down its throat, and all that
prevented their going clear through, was
the crook Of its elbows 1t stopped its
muscle, and / was happy one and half
minutes. Its a pleasant thing to have a
baby in the house--one Of your bellyache
kind. Think of the pleasures of O father,
in dishabille, trembling in the midnight
hour, with his warm feet upon a square
yard of cold oil cloth, dropping paregoric
in tin spoon by moonlight somebody
humping on the door, wife of your bosom
shouting hurry, and the baby yelling till
the fresco drops from the ceiling. It's a
nice time 10 think of dress coats, pants, ties
and white kids Shades of departed cock
tails what comfort, what picture for an
artist in plaster of paris. Its mother says
the darling is troubled with wind on the
stomach: it beats all the wind instruments
you ever heard. | have to get up in the
cold while the milk warns; it uses the
bottle | have a cradle with representa-
1 ton of miraculous soothing syrup bottle
on the dashboard. Tried to stop its breath
the other night, 1t was no GO; rocked it sc
hard | missed the stays, and sent it SLAP
clear across tne room, upsetting jar o.
1 preserves. II didn't make any noise, then
/ Oh, no. It's mother says only wait until il
gets bleached, dts been vaccinated, and
old enough to crawl around and feed or
pins. Yes, I'm going to wait. Won't 1t bt
rdelightfuls John run for the doctor, SIS ba'
+ fell in the slou pail and is choking with
potato skit sis has fell down stairs, SIS ha!
swallowed tie tack hammer; shows signs o
he mumps. measles, Group, whooping
cough, small pox, cholic, dysentery, chol
era infantum, or some other darn thing 4
let the doctor take all the money laid by 70
nv winters corn beef and all this comes @
shampooing and curling my hair, wearin
nice clothes, looking handsome, going
counting, and making my wife fall in Low
and marry me.