The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1865-10-11
MISCELLANY.
Artemus Ward on the Shakers.

The Shakers is the strangest religious
sex ever met with. | had hean tell
of 'em, and had seen 'em, with their broad
brimmed hats and long waisid coats
but Id never come into immciit contact
with 'em, and had sot 'em down as lackin
intellek, having never seen 'em TO my
show-leastways if they did cum they
was disguised in white peple's close, 50
/ didn't know 'em.
But in the spring of IS, | got
swampt in the exterior OF New York. one
dark and stormy night, wien the winds
blue pityusly, and was forced to tie up
with the Shakers.
| was toilin threw the mud, when in
the dim vistcr Of the futer / observed the
cheerin CLEANS of Il taller candle. Tien
a hornets nest to my off hoss's tale to
Kinder encourage him, soon reacht the
place. | knockt at the door, which was
opened TO me by tall, slick faced, solum
lookin indlvidooal, who turned out to be
Elder
"NIr. Shaker" sed I, "you see before
you Babe in the Woods so to speak
and he axes shelter of YOU"
"Yay," sed the Shaker and he led
the way into the house, another Shaker
been sent to put my hosses and Vaughn
under kiver.
A solum lookin female, lookn some
what like last years bean-pole stuck in
to a meal bag, cum in and axed ne if
was athrst and did | hunger to which
| urbanely answered, "a few" She
went of and eRdeavored to open a con-
versashun with the old man.
elder, spect !" sed |.
"Yay," he sed.
"llealth is good, reckon 7"
"Yay"
"What is the wages of an Elder when
he understands his bizness; or do you de-
vote your services gratuitus -
"Yay."
''lf the storm continners there will be
mess underfoot, hay p
sit is unpleasant when there's mess
underioot."
"Yav."
"lf may be so bold, kind sir, what's
the price of that peecooliar kind of weskit
you wear, incloodin trimins !"
"Yay !"
| pawsed mint, and then, thinkin
would be fashcshus with him, and see how
that would 90, slapt him on the shoul-
der, bust into a harty larf, and told him
as yoyer he had no livin equal
He jumpt up as if Blln water had bin
squirted into his ears, groaned, rolled his
ize up lords the sealin, and sed "Youre
a man of SIM" He then walkt out of
the room.
Just then the female in the meal bag
stuck her he'd into the room and statid
that refreshments awaited the very trav-
Ter, and said if it was vittles she ment
the very trayler was agreeable, and fol-
Tered her into the next room.
sot down to the table and the female
in the meal bag pored Out some tea. She
sed nothin, and for five minits the only
live thing in the room was an old wooden
clock, which tict in a subdood and bash
ful manner in the corner. This dethly
stiffness made me oneasy, and | determin-
ed to talk to the female Or bust So, sed
I, "Marriage is agin your rules, l blceve,
marin p
"Yav."
''Ihe sexes live strictly apart, spect!"
"Yay."
'Ifs kinder singler; SEE l putin on
my sweetest look, and speakin in win
min way, "that so fair a made as thou
never got hitched to some likely feller.-
n, B.-She was upwards of 40 and
homely as stump fence, but l thawt I'D
tickil her.
81 don't like men!" she sed, pretty
short.
Wall, dunno, sez !, ''they're rayther
an important part of the populashun.
don't scarcely see how we could git along
! without 'em.