The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1865-08-26
ADVERTISING RATES
Concerning fs0EluE, Spouse..

! .ChrisIion land, who do :ot belong to that DO.
Iitical parry known as the " great unwashed. ~
have some idea; more Gr less distinct, of the
appearance and qualities OF the sponge.
This distinguishing Characteristic OF the
sJj;3Se, Is III capacity OF absorbing water
1t has "a great lmblhIng pD ,er IN this il is
second only to the hahituas f a city rum sa-
loon or a village tavern. The learned ;rii us
that it i gu animal, aud if 50 1t must be Ike
the lrlShman's ai'Igdt1r-'a b}Ste that WIS
all mouth except his all, and that mouth
to- 1t l. because OF the wonderful capacity
of absorption. which some men are endowed
with by nature, or acquire By long and sue
cesstul practice, that obey have been denomi-
mated spong,s Such perS ms have the iitcul
ty aud skill OF imbibing all that IS necessary
for Ter Maintenance either in Il physical,
mentil or moral point of view. with IA sung
-fi-o,d and matter of course sort of AIR. which
i wonierlU. u behold. For instance in the
first year Cf NV ministry am a Baptist
minister. re.der-a III IA drove up 20 my gate
one terrible rainy afternoon. threw the rens
over his horses neck. and knocked ut INV
door opened it, and lie said:
-. Is this the Rev Mr.. Gia iiIs?"
Yes. sir
well, Br. G my name is Elder Sponge
/ am on way to the General Association,
anI though | would stop over night with
YOU. I'm Very Wet, please take nv horse
to vour stable. give him eight or ten ears Of
cJrn, and run nv bIgsv under cover"
Dear real-r. | WI, greecr Thea than | am
now. and did it When came bIci 10 the
house iIuui Brother ). % u-ori..o'y Gated.
with ii, ma 'dv bpbrs uI IA rruui o. enc of
m parlvr chair, tnd his dripping umbrella
.tludine uPJl tie pretty ruI INV vie was II
rr,.rs-h IN ~, | I In flt.
kitchen iis, in time II hear that iIlg tell
q lit.'e i,.rt.d hir ii girl - 20 to the store. a
pu ,rj,r uf q mile aw :, AID yet some black
tea. f,i- Br ,Jier ) had told her he cuulli'r
drink lny other ~ h.pt ria; man t,yI j ty-.
aud when arrived Al the q .u.r,I \ ;.1ciation.
heari of Br th-r :. iel..ug that We had
1r-a;el him vrrr shahbiiy.
An Cd friend u. mine. the. son cf Bap
t;st minister. told me once that when he was
:. boy he really used - thinl; rha; he bad cur
rie! thu. horses aud baci-r ed ne boots Of
every Blpti+t in Oi:o II. -aii ther ock
of chickens Lrc;,me - reduced bv the wits
OF the travelling agc.ts Of the Sponge per
suasiun that there vs. oniv lett oI- long
legged, vary old rooster. who became 50 su,-
;,icInls ;hat the instant he cau"hr sight of =
brother SpJnEe coming Ter the brow of the
hill. with wil. cx;euded wings aud yellow
les aud feet scattering the last in clDud'
behind him. ne took II he oy!s, oackling
a the top 0t his voice, " Ny tura neXt-sn'
turn HrNt.
have already alluded to the air with which
the Sponge iniiicts himself upon yDu. tie
really seems to thiuk Ee i, doing yau a great
ia gor, and tna; you ought to lie overxi e!inei
wuh the sense OF honor done You by BIS visit.
Mrs. Gladius can't stand that. Mr>. Gla iius
is Il very uice woman aId 4 very clever wo-
man, but not loug a-O she expressed herself
IL me somewhat iJrciOly in thi, wise:
Il dJI't care 81 much abOat that man Il.
g., Br. Spolge) stayn'g !ere ia week. or about
his backing his boots the window sill, r
his smoking his nastr pipe III the parfor. or
making get soit b Jl!eJ eggs and toast f-r
Kim every mOriling. | cou:d stand his e
test,ble "a icti .oniOus snuflle when b. pray
ed. but 10 think OF his : cezinS my hand
whe:, he lelj, aud telling me it must .H,fd
me great pleasure to Garry out the Apostolic
iljunction in Hebrews 1872, aud that |
would receive my rewar3-that can't stand,
u d | won't stand, tha-e, pow.
Ii th=,e Spouges were always upon relig-
ions or denomlna ional business it would not
be- quite so b ID, but generally they are ped
ding books, selling reaperS or L1wk NJ rat
traps ab1I, the country. |, IS astonishing
/ once received a letter like this:
SPoNGEvILLE, August ).
Rev. Mr. GladuS:
DEAR BiorHGR am n Baptist in good
stlndng. aud am engaged IL the commission
business. Can you inform me what Is the
price of beans in yonr village? An early
answer will greatly oblige.
Yours in the bonds of Gospel love,
\. SPONGE.
The following was mY reply:
Mr.. A Sponge:
DEAR Sia: Yours of - is received.
NJ Send me IL 5 amp for the postage of
this lie ter. Yours, etc, GLADIrs. .
A sill m)re SUN n ,ry dealing is thai of my
frierd, Rev. Muscular Christian. AIy FREUD
boards at the village hotel, and -=or long since
h was v:sitei b: tall solemn looking in
dividual. who announced himself as the s-ne-
ril agent Ui the aurora 11realis Aid Com
sn ssoa. for supplying the destu inhabi-
tants N the north pole with palm leaf fans
and ice cream fftezcrs. He also id that sc
supposed that it convenient Tor hun To stay
tn re until he could prese -tthe subject to the
churches.
Certainly, the landlord viii be happy 20
entertain you,' blaudiy re pondel my TREND.
''Ah. yes, but want To stop with you.
always stop vi the minister
I" Well, | will l-t yol OCCUPY one OF my
rooms for IL dollar and u halt ii day''
/ dJu't mean that | mean for you to
entertain me as other minister's do they
don't charge me an,thng."
With that my irieGd turned and lco,,ed
him Ia the face and sad:
:" What i; your salary, sir p
Z" Two thousand doilGrs year and my ex-
penscs paid"
Well, sir. my salary is just eight hundred
dollars year, aud il you don't ! av.. ;hls
room instauter | snail proceed to pat GU
out.
What CALCULATED the general agent,
lifting uD hi hands ia holy horror. is Il! 1t
TIE spirit of the gospel? is this fulfilling the
in janctioa OF the apostle, AS much as beth
within you, live peaceaby viii, ali men p
"Mav>be not replied my friend But
am very sure that the apostle Eever meant al
men to live with me, and interpret the te xi
IN mean, AS mnch as don't lie i'll you, pu
I'm out. and / shall immediately proceed
from the exposition't TO the application u.,les,
You leave
The general agent left. Reader, don't un
derstand me indorsing the Rev. Muscular
thrl-'ians course. ] must say that l ,hi h
II a little too severe / have III coniemp'a
ton mild"r remedy. ] propose buying a t
rourder, planting it before my front gale and
loading 1t with IA blank cartridge. u hen Br
Sponye M hes his appearance | will touch i,
off. This will, think, III most cases. scare
him. Bnt il he should continue to advance
! -hall, then, with my family, execute mas
terly retreat to the barn, where shall have