Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1865-10-31
0blo oStatesrnarl,
Natural aHistory of rsa bies.

Babies are of two kinds, male and female
and are usually put up in packages of one
though sometimes two, in which cases they
are called twins, when nearly of the same
age. They are not confined to any particu
lar locality, but are found plentifully dis
tributed over all parts of the inhabited cOun,
tries. Their ages are various and have Q
wide range. We have known them as
y0ungas It's easy to calculate time on q
watch dial, and then again we have seer
them where they have acquired the healthy
age of twenty-five, with fair prospect Of
advancing still further into babyhood
Their weight depends great deal on theil
heit; but as they have twenty-one, years tt
grow in before it costs them anything, il
don't matter so much how big they happeI
to be when they commence. .or,.,.,i ..-.,..
Probably babies lave more pet names
than any other article of their size. In the
tender years of lite, say the first two, they
are lovingly addressed by such endearing
names as Old Beautiful, Sweetness, Honey
comb, Him Darling, Papa's Hope, Old
Blessed, Mammals Joy, Noble Andsoms,
supposed to be contraction OF Old Hand
some, and hundreds of other appellations
which we never could translate. ,.... T..
For several years, until they get old
enough to play out of doors and soil their
faces, their lives are one long continuous
game of Copenhagen, everybody laboring
under the delusion that all babies are for is
to kiss, consequently to see one is to kiss it.
We cannot recollect of ever finding ourselt
in the presence of baby, but what the
fond mother would say to it, "Now be a
good, little deary, and give gentleman a
nice kiss" Or course we accept it, though
kissing amt our forte. We are naturally
modest and don't care to be seen kissing
anybody. We don't banker after it as
some of our friends do. We are willing to
kiss pretty girl occasionally for her moth
er's sake, or even for her own, rather than
have any trouble, yet we think, if said
pretty girl owed us a kiss, we should
much prefer to have it remain on interest
to having it paid when it became due; we
never should present our bill and demand
payment-not if we continued perfectly
sane. We understand that there are quite
number ofpersons VINO differ from us in
regard to kissing; if so let them differ, we
cannot stop to argue the point, as our sub
ject treats of babies. 49,,
The monotony of babies lives is varied
by such little incidents as an attack of the
measles, mumps, or Group, and we would
not neglect to speak of cutting teeth. A
baby that has safely got through all these
infantine troubles is considered worth some
seventy-five dollars more than one who
has them i'll prospect. The diseases are,
however, easily treated, and in case of the
measles, all that is necessary is to have
them "break out" well, and see to it that
they don't "strike in.'' With mumps, Just
let them "mump" round a day or two, and
they will come out all right. With the
Group it is necessary to ''strike ile''-gener-
ally, "goose ile"-and if applied in season,
twill soon lubricate the throat without
much trouble. Cutting teeth runs longer
than either of the other diseases, yet by a
timely investment in rubber ring and
rattle, you get rid OF doctors bill. When
we were young, we cut our teeth on sill
ver dollar, but as dollars are now made OF
paper, they don't stand the wear and tear
of whole set of teeth, and it is cheaper in
the end to invest in u rubber ring.
Learning to walk and talk are two
achievements about which too much cannot
be said. The walking, though it is mere
nothing compared to talking, yet it is more
dangerous, and accidents oftener occur;
still they usually acquire the art with nee
essary breaking of some crockery or furni-
ture which they frantically clutch in order
to save fall. During the season of prae-
ticing, nothing can drop in the house, or at
least noise be made, but what mother will
drop whatever she has in her hand and cry
out: There goes Willie: what has he
done nOw?" and rush to the scene of action
to find perhaps tlower-pot on the floor,
and Willie engaged in scattering its con-
tents about the room. After clearing up
the debris, the mother returns to her work,
thanking her stars that it was only choice
verbena that was ruined and not Willie's
neck. d..
Their conversation in the beginning Is a
little difficult to understand. They abbrevi-
ate a great deal, and throw aside all pro-
nouns as perfectly useless. Listening to
their talk slike attending an Italian Opera;
one hears the noise, but cannot understand
what it means. The first papa" or "mam-
ma" distinctly spoken, is worth five dollars
to either of the delighted parents. Babies
must not only talk themselves, but must be
talked to; and the amount of baby talk used
in a common sized family is prodigious.
Baby's appearance opens new field to all.
The old hands who have seen babies before
converse in the language quite fluently, but
tits ludicrous to hear beginner undertake
to master this difficult tongue. Talking
baby talk is an art which few ever acquire
to perfection, though, by constant practice,
the most stupid can partially acquire it, yet
it takes two or three generations OF babies
to make perfect linguist. .ur..-..
The effect a baby produces on family,
no matter how sober said family may be, is
wonderful to behold. 1t completely turns
the heads of all. If any particular one be-
have more insane, or is carried away more
than the rest we think grandma will bear off
the palm, although pa, ma, grandpa, aunt,
uncle, and long list of cousins, are not
counted out by any means. We think the
mother acts the most sensible, though even
she has her weak points in regard to baby,
and will occasionally exhibit trace of in
sanity when dilating upon his charms and
accomplishments. .-t y-gr 49,; .s.ii,y
The effect babies have on progression, Is
lself,evident. No one ever knewa baby i'm,
ferior to any preceding baby. On the COM,
trary, each one is little in advance of any,
yet born and when we think Of the vast
numbers yet to be, and how every one will
be tri6e superior to its predecessor, what
glorious future awaits us! We shall
eventually reach perfection. How can
those persons who believe that we re-
trograde instead of progress, reconcile this
fact with their absurd theoryp w
Some people, a little enthusiastic, look up
on baby ''as thing of beauty and Joy
forever" Now we have seen some whom
we thought had a liberal discount on their.