The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1865-08-30

FORE"
At recent election, q merchant pre-
sented himself at the polls, accompanied
by well known physician, when, with a
view to avoid taking his turn in the. long
row of voters, the physician interceded
for his friend, and requested that the
crowd would give him the head of the
line, on the ground Of being under medi.
cal treatment. The merchant looked as
if he was in the prime of health, when
Fred Walter, penetrating the dodge, spoke
out: II say, Doctor, is that man under
your treatment2" eyes, SIR" said the
Doctor, with exquisite politeness, che is
now under my treatment" "Then, gen.
tlemen," exclaimed Fred, sslet the man
vote at once; he'll never have another
chance"
A correspondent proposes new way to
kill rats. His own house being overrun
with the vermin, servant girl who had
seen the effects of sold Bourbon whisky"
on bipeds, thought she would try an ex-
pertinent on the rats. Accordingly, she
took small quantity, made it sweet with
sugar, crumbled in bread enough for the
crowd, and set the dish in the cellar. A
few hours after, she went down and found
several rats gloriously "fuddled, engaged
in throwing potato parings and hauling
one another up to drink. These were ea-
silly disposed of; those not killed left the
premises Immediately, suffering with
severe headache. 1t is said the medicine
is quite agreeable to take.
As surgeon in the army was going
the rounds, ezaming his patients, he came
to sergeant who had been struck by
bullet in the left breast, right over the re-
gion of the heart. The Doctor, surprised
at the narrow escape of the man ,exclaim-
ed; "Why, my man, where in the name Of
Igoodness could your heart have been?"-.
Il guess it must have been in my mouth
just then, Doctor" replied the fellow, with
a faint and sickly smile.
j The following is perhaps the most
|. laughabie incident that has occurred in
i reference to locked-up jury since the
case in which Galway bailiff, having
, been question as to whether ho had spo-
ken to the jury during the night gravely
answered: "No, my Lerd; they kept call
ing out for me to bring them whisky, but
always said, gentlemen of the jury, it's
r my duty to tell you that I'm sworn not to
g speak to you. -
A Highlander, under the influence of
whisky, ence went on very hot day to
be married. The services having COM
menced, the bridegroom was asked: "Are
you willing to take this woman to be your
welded wife?" eyes, he replied, s'if I
can get drink
Il The most neutrality-suspicious. of pa
tience on record, in modern times, is that
of an Illinois Judge, who listened silent
r ly for two days while couple of wordy
attorneys contended about the construc-
E ton of an act of the Legislature, and then
ended the controversy by quietly remark
0 ing: "Gentlemen, the law is repealed"
Talleyrand once took the conceit out of
young coxcemb at some table in Paris
. where he CHANGED to be dining. "My
mother" said the dandy, twas renowned
for her beauty. She was certainly the
! handsomest woman 1 ever saw" "Ahp'
4 taking his measure at once, ssit was your
father, then, who was not good looking!'
e An elderly gentleman, travelling in a
stage coach, was amused by the constant
$ FIRE of words kept up between two ladies.
/, One of them at last kindly inquired If
their conversation did not make his head
II ache, VIXEN he answered with great dea
= of naivette: "No, ma'am; I've been mar
ried twenty eight years."
! 4 clergyman one Sunday was compli-
= mented by one of his friends on the dis.
!, course he had been delivering. ssSouth
i himself" (alluding to the eminent divine
of that name,) exclaimed the auditor
N 'snever preached better" "You are
. right" replied the honest preacher, "ii
was the very best he ever did preach"
Col. Calkins, of the Madison capital
y advertises for a house in the following
t. manner: "Dwelling house wanted
re want to rent dwelling house in respec
s table neighborhoed, the amount annual,
n, paid for the hire of the same not to ex
y ceed its actual cash value"
D. "Doctor," said person once to sur
a geon, 'smy daughter has had terrible 4
,e this morning; she continued full an hou
a without knowing or understanding. =
e. ooh" replied the Doctor, 'snever min
~ that; many people continue SO all thei
lg lives"
ce What is the difference between an at
N tempted suicide and hog butchery? On
is is an assault with intent to kill, and th'
IN other is kill with intent to salt.
On
"What are wages here?" asked labor
er of a boy. "I don't know, SIR tWha
does your father get on Saturday niget?
"Getl'' said the boy, "why he gets as tigh
ne as brick"
i, "A LOVE iLETTER.-Och, Paddy, swat
y. Paddy, if was your daddy, I'd kill y
= nt wild kisses entirely; if was your brother
X and likewise your mother, I'd see that yo
nc went to bed early. To taste of you
breath, I'd starve me to death, and lay o.
hoops altogether. To joost have tast
- of your arm on me waist, I'd larf at th
" meanest Of weather. Dear Paddy. b
10 mine, me own swate Valentine; yen I'm
~ ~ me bothgintle and civil, our life we vii
! n spind tosah Elegant ind, and care may G
dance with the divii.