Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1865-10-25
Tale of the Great Saratoga Trunk,

OLD ANTHRACITE has a very dear wife-so
dear that she costs him on her own private
account about fifteen thousand dollars year.
Mrs. Anthracite always has the latest fash
ions so, when the great Saratoga trunk was
exhibited on Broadway, Mrs. A. instantly
purchased one for her summer trip.
Every one knows that the great Saratoga
trunk is an unexceptionable trunk It is
colossal-of Titanic proportions. Cheops, the
builder of the great pyramid, might have
found ample accommodation for his entire
household in the Saratoga trunk.
Accordingly, down went Mrs. A, to the
great watering place with her great trunk.
She had not been long there, however,
when Old Anthracite received a private tele-
gram from friend informing him that Mrs
A was flirting desperately with young Beel-
zebub, the son and the heir Of Old Beelzebub,
the great soap boiler. Anthracite instantly
takes the train, arrives at the hotel, and in
quiring the number of his wife's room, quiet
ly walks up stairs. His wife's door was shut
Anthracite KNOCKS. Door opens after some
delay. Mrs. A huttered, while futter in
creases to disInay when she sees her husband.
Husband enters eoolly, explains that he just
came to see how she was getting on, and
seats himself on the Saratoga trunk. Drops
a glove, the picking up of which enables him
to look under the bed. No one there. Mrs.
A looked as if some one ought to be there.
Husband talks OF the weather, and the pair
are sitting down little light conversation,
when Old Anthracite remarks, quietly
" Mrs. A. there's rat in your trunk"
Mrs. a turns pale through her paint.
No; husband is mistaken. The rat is in
the wainscot. They are always there, those
rats Husband is sure he is in the trunk. He
smells him; he will examine Mrs. A. very
anxious he should not. He can't The trunk
is shut and she has lost the key. Husband
begs to contradict. The key was in the lock
the lid was open.
Husband, amid the protestations Of Mrs.
A. half raised the lid No crinoline, no
shawls, no laces, no furbelows in the great
Saratoga trunk, only young Beelzebub's CLOS
sy curls and killing mOustache arc visible
Mrs. A. instantly faints. It is a privilege of
her sex, on such occasions. What does hus-
band do? Shoot Young Beelzebub2 Not a
bit of #. He smiles grimly and shuts the lid
down again, locking the great Saratoga trunk.
He rings the bell; tells the waiter TO bring
him a gimlet, Bores a few holes through the
great trunk. Ordered up the porter and
goes off to New York, accompanied by the
great Saratoga trunk What would the trunk
not have given for cigar in baggage wag-
on, when it smelled the smoke that was so
literally puffed about. The trunk although
nearly sufocated, though it best to keep qui-
ct. Arrived, at New York, Anthracite told
the people at the depot, loud enough for the
great Saratoga trunk to hear him, that he
would leave his baggage at the Office for
few days, when he would send for it. This
was more than the great trunk could bear, so
it kicked, shouted, and made noise until it
was broken open, and to the amazement Of
everybody, poor Beelzebub crawled out in
Inning condition. He tried to tell the peo-
pIe it was done for bet, but somehow the
truth leaked out, and predict that next sum-
mer lers will be fewer great Saratoga trunks
at the Springs. think that Old Anthracite
got the best of 1t; don't you?