The day book. [volume] (Norfolk, Va.) 1857-1867, 1865-09-06
HUMOROUS.

tiger" He then called upon lawyer and in
formed him that he was ruined man and
thought of suicide This led to the following
dialogue:
"How much does your defalcation amount
tor"
"One hundred thousand dollars"
"Got any of it left2"
"Not cent"
''Thats bad; you have left nothing to work
with"
"What must be done?"
"You must return to your desk and abstract
another hundred thousand"
s'What must do that for?" s
"To preserve your character and save YOU
from going to the State prison. With the
hundred thousand dollars you are to steal to-
morrow, intend to compromise with the
bank. Your stealing after tomorrow will
amount to 100000 l will call at the bank
and confess your offence; will represent my
self as your heart broken uncle, "honest but
poor" l will offer the bank $4,000 to hush
up the matter The bank will accept This
will leave $4,000 to divide between you and
me-that is $4,000, apiece. With this sum
you can retire from business. u
81 The young man listened and took ON wis
g dom. He doubled his defalcation and COM
piOllIlsc0 do luc ldNyeI Sdlu ut SHOULD. he Is
now worth $250,000, and is counted zone Of
the most respectable gentleman in the city of
New York a - 81 q
SIZE NO CRITERIAN.-A talented. African
of the boot-black persuasion, while dancing
like st. Vitus over a customers boots the other
day, observed his partner pouring wisely OYER
newspaper, whereupon the following color
loquy ensued:5 s9sss ste0f
First Member of the Firnl-"Julius, what
de debil you lookin' at dat paper for2 You
can't read" ~ ~. ..@ -4
Second Member-s.Go way, fellah; guess
can read. Is big enough for dat" .a ial
First Member-"Dat amt muffin. A cows
big enough to catch mice, but she can't
do 1t" .
Before Court Of Common Pleas, case of
breach of promise was recently under consid-
grafton. The breach between the parties was
apparent enough, but as to the promise there
existed slight shade of doubt, until the
plaintiff set the matter right as follows: ',ai
Question by the Defendants Counsel-"Did
my client enter into positive agreement to
marry you 2"
Va Answer Not exactly, but he courted me
a good deal, and he telled my sister Jane that
he intended to marry in orr family"
A Louisiana paper declares that the town
Of Natchitoches has feas that can Jump
higher, quicker, bite harder, out dodge, run
faster, than any other feas. They are larger,
fatter, slicker, harder to rope, than any other
Aeas. It takes two freedmen and white boy
to tree one of them, and suggests, as a last
resort to have them hung or shot with a
Sharps rife.
A Connecticut hotel keeper has over the
water trough, opposite his hotel, huge sign
-~;th the following inscription:
Stop your horse and let him drink
Before you further go; al
The water is better here, think, sss
Than tits mile below. 8.
ELECTION BULLETIN Mr. Dsfaeh is re-
covering from his indispositlon-to believe in
the Liberal majority, and is again able to leave
the house, and take constitutional. The re-
action that was expected did not take place.
HOUSEKEEPING LA MODE, OR FOOD YER
sus FINERY.--Mrs Bull -"New, my dear B.
don't be cross You see the complete dress
only comes To-" Mr.. Bull (reads milli-
ner's BILLY: "Six hundred pounds of butchers
meat, my dear, that's all ss6
ia9a A Railway Bye-Law.
Gs.ard. -"Smoking not allowed, gents
SaoeH.-"O I Ali What's the fine 2"
Gs.ard.-"A shilling, ready money, to the
Guard, sir Forty shillings to the Company,
payable by instalments at your own CONVENE
ence.-Patach
A young girl in Quebec, Canada, recently
got on rampage and went to the house of
her lover who had Tilted her, and contracted
an alliance with another of the fair sex, and
revenged herself by smashing the windows,
+ breaking the furniture and playing "old Harry
generally
"Come till America, Pat !" writes a son of
The Emerald Isle, to his friend in Ireland
.s'tis fine country to get living in. All ye
have to do, is to get thres cornered box and
fill it wild brick and carry it till the top of a
four-story building, and the man at the top
does all the work. ,u zis
A novel bachelors" association has been
founded in Vienna the object of the Society
is to promote matrimony by keeping regis
ter of all manageable ladies OF admirable
character and free from extravagant tastes.
The general run of Bachelor societies proclaim
cslibacy as the true means of happiness
A medical man says that those ladies who
make it business to trouble dry goods clerks
and never buy anything, ought to be called
counter irritants.
Why are'we able to compare New York to
q crazy person? Answer-Becausei it has not
got its right senses icensus.)
There now" cried little girl while rum
aging drawer in q bureau, there, now,
grau'pa has gone to Heaven without his spec