The weekly union record. [volume] (Oroville, Calif.) 1864-1866, 1865-10-07
Artemus Ward on the Celebration at
Baldinsyille in Honor of the Atlantic
Cable.

OalullSSlliS IL 0oUOT VI LAc AlAdAtlS
Cable.
3 BAlDNsvIKLE, Injianny, Sept. the onct, Isles.
l was summoned home from Cinsin-
natty quite sudden by lettur from the
/ supervisors of Baldinsville, sayin as
how CRATE things was on the Tappis in
that air town in refferunse to sellebra-
tin the compleshun Of the Sub Mershine
Telegraph, & AKIN me to be Present.
Lockin up my kangaroo and wax wurks
in seizure stile, took my departer
for Baldinsville-'my own, my nativ
lam which l got intwo at early kandle
litin on the follerin night. & Just as the
sellerbrashun and illuminashun were
commensin.
Baldinsville was trooly in blaze of
glory. Mere can | forget the sublime
specticul which met my case as | allied
from the Staige with my umbreller and
yerlise. The Tavern was lit up with
taller HANDLES all over & a great bonfire
was burnin in frunt thereof. A Trans
pirancy was tied onto the sine post with
the follerin wurdS-'Giv us Liberty or
Deth.' Old Tompkinsis grosery was
illuminated with ) tin lantuns and the
follerin Transparency was in the winder
-"The Sub-Merchine Telegraph &
Baldinsville and Stonefeld Plank Road
the , CRATE eYentz of the 18th centa-
ry-may intestines strife never mar
their grandjure.' Simpkinsis sho shop
was all ablase with HANDLES and lan.uns.
A American Eagle was painted onto q
flag in winder-also these wurds, viz,
The Constitooshun must be Preserved ,
The Skool house was lifted up in CRATE
stile and the winderS filed with notices,
amung which | noticed the follerin-
'Trooth smashed to erth shall rize-
YOU CAN'T STOP HER, 'Ihe Boy stood
on the Burnin Deck whense awl but
him had Fled 'Prokrastinashun is
the thcaf of time BE virtoous s you
will be happy 'Intemperunse has
cawsed heap of trubble-shun the
Bole,' and the follerin sentiment, writ
ten by the skoolmaster, who graduated
at Hudson Kollige :-sBaldinsville sends
greetin to her majesty the Queen &
hopes all hard feelins which has hereto
fore previs bin felt between the Super
vizers of Baldinsville and the British
Parliament, if such there been, may now
be forever wiped from our Escutchuns.
Baldinsyille this night rejoises over the
gelorious event which sementz , CRATE
nashuns onto one anuther by means of
elecktric wire under the roarin billers
Of the Nasty Deep. Quosque tantruna,
butter, Catering, patent nostrum"
Squire Smiths house was lifted up re-
gardless of expense. His little sun
William Henry stood upon the roof FIR
in orf crackers. The old Squire his
self was dressed up in soljier clothes
and stood on his doorstep, pintin his
sword sollumly to a American flag
which was suspended on top of a pole
in front of his house. Frequently he
would take orf his cooked hat and wave
it round in impressive stile. His old
est darter Miss Isabellar Smith, who
has Just cum home from the Perkinsyille
Female Instertoot appeared at the front
winder in the west room as the goddis
of liberty, and sang, 4 see them on
their windin way Booteous /, sed !
to myself, you air angil and nOthin
shorter. N. Boneparne Smith, tie
Squire's oldest sun, drest himself up as
Venus the God Of Wars and red the
Declaration of Independence from the
left chamber winder. The Squire's
wife didn't jine in the festiyerties.
She said it was the tarnulest nonsense
she ever seed. Sez she to the squire,
Cum into the house and 90 to bed, you
old fool, you. To morrer you'll be 60
ing round half-dead with the rumertism
and won't gin US a minit's peace till
you get well. Sez the Squire, Betsy,
you little appreciate the Importance of
the event which we this night commem-
orate.' 'Sez she, Commemorate cats
tail-cum into the house this instant,