Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1865-07-25

tons of the day She enjoyed and understood
art. She had been abroad, aud was herself al
most an artist. | lad never known the charm Of
music, until | heard her magnificent voice stirring
the depths Of my soul. lnever saw another 80 en-
dowed with all gifts and graces.
remember standing before my glass one day
in perfect disgust at the contrast it presented to
the beauty and grace Of my cousin. Why was
not | also beautiful? Why had not one gift
whereby to charm the love which was my life |?
| | would almost have died to win one look such
as had just seen lingering on her unconscious
face. Teen came the question, Had he ever loved
me2 Had | ever satisfied his whole being' a
question which dared not answer. dared not
risS the search into the title Of my hearts only
wealth.
But the question had found entrance, and from
lhat momen, peace was gone ! became suspl
cous aud walchfu, and there was not a night
that did not carry to my bed some secret hoard
Of bitterness wherewth to poison my soul. My
resentment found only in the malicious martyr
dom OF heapng upon Eleanor the attentions
which her delicate health requirsd. and which my
husband would otherwise have taken upon him
self If be had only seen my restless, indignant
heart graspBg at every cover for its pride and
sel6shoess
But ! must not 90 on | must not recall what
have spent years IL striving to forget. look
blek upon il aa upon wild storm at sea. had
vantured ia ono frail ship my all Of earthly JOY.
Ihe fierce waves eDgufed il, and had thing
Jeff. Nothing then--l could not then look be-
youd IT, and feel that God asked me to give it up.
and so ! hid no comfort.
But all this was in my ogn heart No word
or look Of mine revealed my feelings. am sure
that Eleanor never suspected them. She had al
ways lived 10 40 atmosphere Of love and tender
ness, and the cares now layished on her only took
the place Of others as tender, and she never sus-
pecied the price paid for them. believe that
she thought Of him and reoced in him as a broth
| er, and would have been astonshed and shocked
if she had guessed the truth. And as for him,
he treo poor Edward, know he tried, to be
faithful TO me.
And believe that never had feeling toward
her, which now, when perhaps she knows all, |
would not have her know. Her memory is pure
lnd bright, ike the thought Of an angel and he,
how could he help it2 ! was never beautiful or
attractive, and was now worn and weary, and sell
fish with 1nshared gl.ef my temper never too
even, was now irritable and resentful. Life 8
burdens were heavy upon me, sickness, poverty,
Iabor, disappointment, lonely heart and 10
contrast to this dark picture, was one radiant with
youth aud beauty, soltened by tender sorrow,
the light OF earth touched with the shadow Of
heaven should have loved her too, and felt
that the only was the queen Of all womanhood
But nevertheless, was wreched. II it had
no, been for my baby should have wished TO
de- Boz be needed me. No one could love him
lasI did, and for his sake must i've. Why
lc5l.d Go, even from this haze learned the great
lesson Of .e.freuuucilton that it is loving, and
not being Owed, giving and not receiving which
makes our happiness Why could not nave
fet tha, tha sublime feeling makes US worthy,
sod t1aIs us into digo.ty aud guardianship Ike
iAlt OF angels But not yeti lt Is hard lesson
to learn
Months passed cannot 90 through them.
Eleanor los, strength a hard cough held its
lerasp, yielding TO no remedies, aud one by one
lthe marks ~ the inexonbie destroyer we're upon
lher Thank God, that day and night no tender
cares were wanting At last one night We found
ner VITA lbe red blood gushing from her mouth,
and no lew minutes She was gone. heard
word, OF agony that night, which are burned into
my BRAN and my heart: no matter what they
!sere--il could only forget them Thank God,
no one else heard them--no mortal could thence
folth only pity me. kneli by his side kissed
hs plIe lips, and prayed God to help me be MS
comforter
No matter what followed IN those next days.
I, s like horrible dream, and am trying to
forget It, Gradually We went b OK TO our old
household ways. II | had ever a wicked thought,
if my heart had ever whispered, 1" soon the
,um6Ins-bock will be removed, and my path
way will be clear, how had she been avenged
The peace, lhe purity, the sanotty OF death we're
around her nov. She was part OF heaven IT,
self.
Ms prayer at that death-bed lifted me to a
higher sphere. Tendsrly, like a mother, pilied
my husband Not for my own sake, that was all
past, but FOR his blessings, unfet perhaps, might
come To him through my lifelong prayers and de-
yoton. And so ! passed out OF myself
Then came my darling baby, aud with her my
rev nd. II | had been seItishy seeking my own
happiness, could not have done il more etfsctu-
laly. have always loved to fancy that this sweet
child who has been to me nothing but Joy and
blessing, received something Of the peace which
then oyershadowed me.
After her birth, the first evening in the tw.
light, when my husband sat by my side holding
my hand, ventured to say to him: "Shall We
not name her Eleanor?"
lie did not answer at first, but felt bis hand
grow cold in mine, ado you wish it, dear "
at last be said.
"les,' replied, and truly.
So my baby, my only daughter, the purest
blessing of my life, bears the name Of her who
was its blight.
How her father loved her and what sweet
10y | ,elt hat | had made him happy. He loved
me then, with grateful, humble love which was
almost painful to me. | knew that the past, OF
which we never spoke, was all unforgotlen. |
felt that cloud, like the shadow Of death, had
been over US. knew that the earth held no
longer for him such ideal beauty and grace as we're
departed but still, with silent hearts. we kept
on together, loving an beloved. 1t was not the
love Of my young dreams, but it was less selfish
than that, and Gods blessing was upon it. Ii
was as i | had had two loves.
But even this was no; to last God saw that
needed stllI more and my husband, my first aud
second love, was taken from me. The day that
be died brought The children to him. He kissed
them both, then laid his hand on Nelys cIrls
and said IN the tebdetest tone q" Eleanor, Flea
mort" What It meant, tohom It meant, have
asked thousand times, bet the grave does MOI
answer Why should itlrouble me- ltisGod''
will.
Now he is With her, and they are with God
and am alone upon the earth. No, not alone
and not unhappy have brought this great tur
den, this great secret Of my heart, and laid It al
the feet Of my Lord, and he has accepted it a, my
hands, and given me back his own peace. liz
asked Of me the greatest and dearest JOY not onl!
of life but of n,pmofy Not ths-anything bu
this--said NY reuetant heort but now it IA NJ
longer mine but His There are sometimes
stormy hours like this, when the hood sweep