The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1865-08-30
Shirts, and How to Make them
T1tafn1fit q n n


ervislon of a set of the aforesaid garments,
.ipeluding, of course, their wearer- 1t was
the hight of my young ambition that the
man should be exactly fitted by hissbirts,
concerning which he began to make com
! plants just one moon after took him in
charge. .,,tI..,l 90. ,.,s ,t....i
"What is the matter with them iv I
fneekly inquired. -N' 81 1'.fiil1H
"There isn't a single one that fits me-"
Totally unsuspiciou4 of The inherent
wickedness of the article conecrned.
fattered myself that the difficulty would
be easily remedied. So ripped here and
based there, pulled up this shoulder and
pulled down that, till / Thought ! had got
it. Mistaken mortal, it would not fit [
made another series of experiments with
equally futile results. Then | consulted
one or two friends, and felt sure had at
last discovered where the shoe-I mean
the shirt-pinched I applied cure,
but the thing wasn't cured. Next EN-.
ployeda a taiioroto try his skill. Not one
whit better The man was getting, and
| was getting, desperate. AZ my dernier
resort, ! summoned council of sc wing
society women, and we went into com
mittee of the whole For hours we ex-
pended bur united wits on Il single shirt.
often subjecting the ldckless owner to sue
cessive trials Of the garment.
Don't that now fit your neck exact
ly p asked the head of the conspiracy, as
for the forty-ffth time we gathered round
our victim ..
=" Why, yes" with a chrrming smile Of
relief, and twisting his bead about expert
mentally. "Really, l can't suggest anv
improvement" ~--
"Oh be ioyfnll7 exclaimed /, clap
ping my hands.
Suppose" said one Of the wise wo-
men. looking at me over her glasses as if
some important idea had struck her, ''sup-
pose we cut out new shirt on the i'm
proved plan, and, if that suits, take pat
tern from it," ''lF l 5ui -
" Agreed cried quite jubilant, and
ran to a chest Tor the cotton
SO we cut, basted, and tried on--sewed
and tried on-starched, ironed, and tried
on. 'ti0 .r -If.
"Capital!" affirmed our representa-
tive Of the lordy sex. ';Not q thread
amiss. 1t Is the first time in my life that
shirt has exactly fitted me-" = '..."
As grateful memorial, | made up six
new ones after that idertical pattern. We
entered on our triumphant epoch. Woe
worth the day! Must own that before
ioriy-eight hours had passed, that 'ex-
actly fitted individual called me aside.
and pointed with cruel significance to his
neck i!u o. tiiL .l0
. am very sorry with the blandest
air in the world. 81 suppose your mis-
take came from your great desire not to
choke me-"
" NIistalel choke you ~ echoed con-
vulsively, aliitle tempted to try the latter.
" Don't be troubled. II requires only
a slight alteration-a trihe cut out of tho
binding, that's ALL You see it's rather
large"
d" Why couldn't he have found it out
before ~ to myself. Then aloud with
great dignity: "Tell me precisely how
much TO cut OUT
"Wcll, should sayjust about an inch. +"
'' just about an inch" muttered sar-
castically. adding with sudden burst of
indignation, 81 believe the mischief ia all
in your neck, which dilates and contracts
on purpose to torment me-"
lie smiled kindly on nv wrathful tears.
| and I--well-when the shirt was rough
dry | dutilully cut out the inch, basted
the binding, and tried it on again.
THAT is just what it wanted. Tt does
very nicely now, You see," working his
chin up and down. io r""'f''r7
"Ies, see. I did before"
D." Practice makes perfect. and this time
You hit the nail on the head" @
When the change war completed. he
once more tried OH the shirt, and uniqui-
vocally assured me that sit fitted as r.
SO | made the same alteration in the
other five, and sat down to take a Bit Of
comfort. 'n. ..
Can you imagine what next happened,
In the course Of a fortnight the man gave
me an invitation to ride with him. which
| was to happy too accept. How extreme
/ ly gracious and agreeable he wasi I
might have, suspected something was com
ing. From one thing to another he led
the conversation, till finally he approached
the old hateful topic; Che had on one Of
his new shilfs) H' t.,.H
8 don't mind my vexation, remarked
| innocently, now that you are at last
suited Then, supposing the matter at
rest, turned 20 a peasanter subject. But
coming back to the shir's again, his face
assumed such Il doprecating look, that
exclaimed in alarm: -. a.U.
Nothing ailS them now, hope
Only very little thing, and easily al
tered In your fear of getting them too
large, they are "A trlfle too small-only u
irhe.' ir ... .tm,
My heart swelled, but ] uttered not a
ward. When we reached hame, ! made
him measure off on his torefnger exactly
how much he wished inserted. The shirt
he had on happened to be the identical
one ! had first altered. | was fortunate
,enongh to discover in my work basket the
very piece | had cut out. And | was
malicious enough TO exalt mt its proving
the exact measure of the addition wanted.
50 | Isewedit in again, repeating to my
self all the while. oh fhc croichcry-