The weekly pioneer and Democrat. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. Territory) 1855-1865, 1865-09-29
ARENAS Wards Autobiography


Artemas Wards Autobiography.
BY Hinlself.
New Yoak NEAR FIFTH AvRNoo HGnI,I
>.--..,. Org. 3lct.
Dr.. S1R-Yrs, into which you ask NE to
send you sum leading incidents of my life 90
dooly to hand. / hav no-doubt that article
onto nay life, grammattycally jerked and prop
erly punctooated, would be addition to the
chaos Hteratoor of the day. l- -.,'".
To the youth of Amefiky it would be valy.
able as shown!how high q pinykle Of fame he
can reach who commences his career With a
small canvass tent and peagree. OF. which
the centre pole, causin in BehwaE n. J., q
discriminating mob to say humbugs would not.
go down in them village: The OK resumed ag-
ficultural pursoots shortly afterward.
Inext tried my hand at giving bhnd-mans.
concerts. appearing as the poor blind my
self Bat the infamous Gus who T aired to
lead me round town to excite sympathy, drank
freely Of spurious ticker unbeknown to me
one day, and while under thera in9ooance he
led me into the canal. had to either tear the,
green bandage from my eyes or be dsownded.
tho't I'd restore my eyesight
In writin about these things, Mr.. Editery
kiner smooth 'em over. Speak 81 EN- as &C.
centrissities of GENTS.
Ny next yentur would hav ben success #. /
hadn't tried to do too much. got up series
ofwax fggers, and among others that Of So
crates. 1thot wax fgger of Old sock would
be poplar with eddycated peple, bat unforti-
nifty put q Brown linen buster and o u. 8.
army regulation cap upon him, which peple.
with classical obligations said it was farce
This enterprise was unfortunit in other re-
spects. r. :. ...-..,.;.f.. ....... -, d,
At certain town advertised wax fgger,
Of the Hon'ble Amos Perkins who was rail-
road President and great person in thera
parts. But it appeared had shows the same
fgger for Pirnt named Gibbs In that town
the previs season, which created an immense
toomult, G. the audience'remarked "saane on
to me, 81 other statements of the same sims,
harness. l tried to molify 'em. I told them.
that any family possessin children might r We
my she tiger to play With half day,
wouldn't charge 'em o cent, but alas { : sas
of no avail l was forced to leave. and fRfer.
from an article in the Advertiser of thai town,
in which the Editur says: Although time
has silvered this mans he'd with its frosts, he
still brazenly wallows in infamy. Still are his
snakes sound and his wax works unreliable.
We are glad that he has concluded to never
visit our town, although, incredible as it NAV
appear, the fellow really did contemplate SO
doing last summer; when, still true to the
craven instincts of bis black heart, he wrote
the hireling knaves at the obscure journal
across the street to know what they would
charge for four hundred small bills, to be done
on yellow paper! We shall recur to this mat
ter again."
/ say, infer from this article that pre-.
JUDGE still exists agin me in that town.
will not speak of my once being in strait
ened circumstances in sertin town, and of my
endevorin to accumulate welth by lettin myself
to Sabbath school picnics, to sing ballads
nf oh
accompanying myself on clarionet-which
forgot when l was one day singin instead of
80, how pleasant to be alittle child"
Rip, snap-set 'em up again,
Kite in the middle OF three cent pie,
which mistake, added to the fact that couldn't
play on the clarionet, making it howl dismal,
broke up the picnic, and children said, in
voices, checked with sobs and emot ions,
where was their homes and where was their
Pa2
| say will not speak Of this. Lett be Ber-
In your article, Mr.. Editor, please tell 'em
what sort of man ana.
IF you see fit to kritieise my Show, speak
your mind freely. do not object to criticism.
Tell the public, in candid and graceful arti-
Gle, that my show abounds in moral and start
lin euriosities, any one of whom is worth deu-
bic the price of admission.
hav thus far spoke of myself Exclusively
as exhibitor.
was born in the State OF Maine. As an in.
FAINT attracted great deal OF attention. The
nabers would stand over my cradle for hours
and say, How bright that little face looks
How much it nose!" The young ladies would
carry me around in their arms. saying I was
nuzzers bezzy darlin, and sweet 'eety little
properly appreciate it. I'm healthy old dar-
lin now
hav alters sustained q moral character.
l was never railroad conductor in all my
Life.
Altho' in early life did not invariably con-
fine myself to- truth In my small bills, I hav
been gradooally growing respectabler and re.
any meetin house, but b1esve in meetin houses
and shouldn't feel safe to take dose of lau-
dsnum and lay down in the streets of village
that hadn't any with 81 900 bill in my vest
pocket
Ny temperament is bilious, altho' don't
owe dollar in the world.
lam an early riser, my wife is . Presbyteri-
live in Baldinsville. Indiany. Ny next door
naber is old Steve Billings. III tell you lit
tie story about old Steve that will make You
farf He jined the church last spring, and the
minister said, "You must 60 home now,
Brother Billings, and erect family altar in
your house." whereupon The eggrejis old ass
went home and built regular Pulpit in bis sit
tin room. He had jiners in bis house four daysl
am (56) years of age. Time with its re
lentless scythe is very busy. The old sexton
gathers them in. keep pig this year.
don't think of more, Mr.. Edter. -.
Ifyou should give my portrait in connection
with my Bogfry, please have me engraved in a
languishin attitood, leaning on q marble pillar.
leaving my back hair as it is BOW.
Yours truly,
.a ARTEMAS WARD.
General Thomas recently sent q detach.
ment into Alabama, in search of stray Govern
ment cattle. 1t came in conflict with a sheriff