Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1865-11-29
Written for the Chronicle.
KEMPTONIA
NUMBER TWO.
takes a Horseback Ride.


EemptOn takes a Horseback Ride.
Mr.. EDITOR 81 am, in an eminent de.
gree, what is called an unfortunate
man." now propose to pour into your
sympathizing ear " an DER true tale" re-
lating to a little equestrian exercise in
which it was my great misfortune to in
dulge.
In my youth, 1 was remarkable for my
mild and inoffensive ways, and an ear
nest desire, always manifested, TO avoid
everything in the shape of active exer-
else: and if there was one thing that
frightened me more than another, it was
q high spirited horse. Therefore, my
education as far as Workmanship was
concerned, was very sadly neglected.
Gradually growing older, L was, by
force of circumstances. thrown into the
society of numerous designing females,
one of whom succeeded in winning my
young and untIied affections, and delud-
ed me into committing matrimony. 1
pause here to express an opinion, to wit:
Marriage is one grand swindle; a cheat
and a delusion !; vanity and vexation of
spirit its joys ieeting its sorrows grie-
vous; and its comforts mot visable to
the naked eye"
To resume LILY conjugal experience
with Mrs. K. has been varied and unsat-
isfactory, but of such a nature as to ena-
bic me TO face almost any kind of music.
l don't think 1 am as timid now as l was
in my young days; in fact, I know Pm
not. Twenty years of close living with
a woman has inspired me with a courage
that fears neither man nor beast.
Seeing numerous good looking young
men apparently enjoying themselves
horseback riding, I resolved to recreate
a little in like. manner myself. In the
carrying out of this resolution, 1 proceed
ed to a livery stable and declared my in
tentions. Being a man of consequence
in the community, the keeper Of the sta
BILE produced his best nag-"a steed wild
and untamable." 1t required two grooms
to manage him, he having a playful way
Of kicking, and striking with his fore
feet, and eleYating both front and rear
in the most extraordinary manner.
mounted with considerable difficulty
and no little t%repidition. l endangered
to subdue his fiery mood with moral sua-
sion, but made a miserable failure
Changing my tactics, l went in for vigor-
Gus measures, and requested the groom
to " touch him up a little" In compli-
ance with my request, he brought the
lash smartly across his flank. I've seen
horses leap, but such another fearful ma
noeuver 1 hope never to see executed
again. Its effect upon me was curious.
I quickly assembled in the air about four
feet, came down with great force, losing
my hat and confusing my ideas not a lit
tie but having firm hold of the lines, l
returned to the saddle, though my feet
failed to connect with the stirrups. The
horse, rushing down street at a high rate
OF speed, paid not the least regard TO my
frantic efforts to stop him. l soon dis
covered another great source of annoy
ance-when the horse lifted up, l came
down-"we met in solid shock" l was
rapidly becoming demoralized. Ii be-
came apparent to me about this time
that l was changing my base" very
soon. Twice around the square he DASH
ed with headlong speed, my strange pre-
dicament exciting the amazement of my
friends, the wonder of my enemies, and
the infinite delight of many small boys.
The catastrophe came at last. Turning
the corner at the Franklin House very
suddenly, I unexpectedly brought up on
the side walk near the FIRST National
Bank ; the fact is, 1 made a deposit i"
of myself there. My remains were gath
cred together by friends, vino, procuring
a suitable conveyance, transported me to
my dwelling place, leaving me to the
the tender Eercies of the woman who
has the honor to be my wife. Until to-
day 1 have fed upon nothing but weak
black tea, hot Cruel and tract society
publications. 1 have not, as yet, been
able to estimate the expense of my ride.
1 am of the opinion, however, that it is
somewhere in the neighborhood of one
hundred dollars.
After having been confined in the
house two weeks, L am convsleseent.-
The physician says if 1 am careful 1 can
go out of doors in about a month. On
my table are many d~ecoctions and embro-
cations. 1 nurse my leg and shoulder to
k eep them from aching, but with poor
success. My wife refuses to let me
smoke, and can see no virtue in" Light
drinks" Such treatment of an invalid,
and by the wife of ones bosom, 1 consid-
er unparalleled in its barbarity, and outra-
ge in the last degree. 1 suppose it is
unnecessary for me to remark that I
don't propose to recreate in a like man.
ner again. Useduply, yours,
KEMPTON.