The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1865-11-27
WIT AVID KIRnnNI.

WIT AND WISDOM.
A Yankee conveying an English gen-
tleman round Boston, took him to
Bunker Hill. They stood looking at
the splendid shaft, when the Yankee
said This is the spot where Warren
fell !" All ?n replied the Englishman,
evidently not posted up in local histor-
ical matters, "did it 'nrt i'm much ?''-
The native looked at him with the ex-
dresslon of fourteen fourth of fJuIys in his
countenance. Hurt him 7" he ex-
CLAIMED, he vas Killed, sir" t4siAht,'e
was eh ~ said the stranger, still eyeinp
the monument, and computing its hight
in his own mind, layer by layer. tSYYell.
should think % would 'aVe been 'urt
to fall SO far" ,5,s,,
a traveller stopping at a western hotel
exclaimed one morning to the waiter:
What are you about, you black rascal?
6on have reused me twice from my
sleep by telling me breakfast Is. ready,
and now you are attempting to strip OFF
the bedclothes." "Why,H replied Pom
pey, ''if you isn't gwine to git up, 1
must have the sheet, any how, cause
dey'r waitin' for de table clof."
A man passing through gateway in
the dark hit his nose against the post
II wish that post was in hell" said he.
Better wish 1t somewhere else," coolly
remarked bystander, "you might run
against it again." -
The late Rev. Daniel Isaac was both n
great wag and a great smoker. "Ah,
there you are, cried a. lady, who sur
Prised him one day enjoying his pipe,
'tat your idol again." eyes, my dear
madam, replied he, coolly, al hope Won
do not find fault with me, for I ought TO
be commended, M as you see Pm burn
4 lady named her son, the other day,
Petroleum: Her reason for doing SO
was, that when she had occasion 70
whip him, she might "strike ile."2
1t is dificultto to unite Tranquility in
accepting and energy in using tho
facts OF life, but It is not impossible; If
1t be, 1t Is impossible to be happy. -. %
SIT is well to leave something for
man said who threw a barrelin the way
OF, constable who was chasing him. -,
Patrick o'Flaherty said that his wife
was very ungrateful, for 'when mar
ried her she hadn't a rag to her back.
but now she is covered with .'em.n -
Lucy Stone says: 'tThe cradle Ia n
woman's ballot-b -box.n Then we've
known meunlawfnl voting where two
ballots were deposited at time. ~.
A parson once prefaced his sermon
with, "My friends, let us say a few
words before we begin" This is about
equal to the man who took short nap
before he went to sleep. l h.-.FIft
81 gave the fellow a shilling. >, said
Sir Walter Scott, on some occasion when
slxpence was the fee, "and added, re-
mem Der you owe, me siXpence, Pat -
''MaYiyOur honor live till pay youI
The principal of an academy gave n
pupil who was an aspirant for the situa-
ton OF school teachern n certificate which
said; "This young man Is capable of
filling position for which ho is quail
fed."1t -tItr. s.- IN
Two sons of Erin were standing by a
hydraulic press superintended by a
friend of mine, when one called out to
the other: "Jim, I'd like to nut We
under and squaze the divil out o. We. y
"Would you, indade, my boy" was
the answer. "Squaze the diviI out of
you an there'd be nothing leftW Il. y
A clerk in a music store was lately
oVerpowered by fastidious young
lady who wanted to purchase 'Nf,
Thomas Hood's-a-song of the-h-l
gentleman's under-parnlent ~ The
clerk is still alive. TEl'lsl = 9
a man in Bnffalo was fatally stabbed
the other day by third party who in
tertered when he was breaking his
wife'sF head with a bottle. Many n
man man breaks his Yife's heart with q
y 80 - ~ ~ .Ifla.e -., .H .r..
why Why Is, y a man who doesn't lose his
t'h zen 1per nke schoolmaster? Because
WI ;s 80 1,,a,...,st, 80 ,.sl' souOEi: u,
,oOa WY l;,l Is Ii married man like a candle?
when he OUGHT not to eOes ou' "1 hiGht
WIN 10 Cen IafFarso,, tass ~ q - -, a. ~, = :
successful saiior9 BecaHsa GaEts ~ hsl iike ss a
son to thank God for the g. Hs "''' Fe''-
Tt e -, -, =. - - -, saE -. l'
our enemies: seldom safe ~ teaTH {aIt, rom Is IN
instruct even our friends. ~
WI ~ a. ' 81