Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1865-01-21
FACTS AND FANCIEs.


debt2 When he has hat on which is
not paid for.
An eastern editor says that in the
town where his paper is published rat.
tlesuake wss killed BY man With thirteen
rattles."
A gentleman Dragging of having
killed . panther whose tail was three feet
long, Brown observed that the animal died
seasonably, as the tail was long enough
not to be continued
A lady, in speaking of the gathering
Of lawyers to dedicate new court house,
said she supposed they had gone to "view
the place where they mast shortly lie."
A Jerseyman was very sick, and was
not expected to recover. His friends got
around bis bed and one of them Gays
"John, do you feel willing to die q John
made an effort to give his views on the
subject, and answered with bis feeble
voice: "I-think-l'd rather stay-where
I'm better acquainted.
We don't wear ear rings as women
do; but they bore our ears as if they
thought we ought to do so.
People who are obliged to eat sausa-
ges three times day during the dog days
are justified in growing at their tare.
TON, what in the world put ma,ri.
mony into your head p We'll, tbe fact
is, Joe, l was getting short of Shirts
An affectionate Irishman once enlist
ed in the 18th regiment in order to be
near his brother, who was corporal in
the 10th.
There is only one "mail contract"
says young lady, that she would care
about embarkiug in, and that is promise
Of marriage.
"A gentleman sat down to write deed
and begar with: "Know one woman by
these presents" "You are wrong" said
bystander. "No I'm not" said the other,
'if one woman knows it, all the men will,
Of course"
-"Julia, can you tell me hom Adam
got out OF Eden?' 'Well, l s'rose he
climbed ober de fence" "No, dat amt it,"
well, den, he borrowed wheelbarrow
and walked out" mo" II CUBS it up,
den.' HE got snaked out.
-"How odd it u.s." said Pat, as he
trndged along on foot, one hot, sultry sum.
mer day, "that man never meets "a team
going the same way he is"
Ma, said little boy, "why is post
age stamp like bad scholar ?" II can't
tell, my son, why is it? p Because it gets
licked aud put in a corner
IL do wish could get cured of lying
in bed so late in the morning. said lazy
husband, lounging on his pillow. "Well,
l will try the water cure,' said bic wife,
pouring bucketful on him.
Negro Conundrums. here, Gum.
90, why am you blackguard 2" "Neber
guess dat in de worl, cause amt, you
black FOOL "You is, honey, coz you
watch Massa Jim's store-and you's not a
berry white guard, das's sartinl Yah, ya,
ya-ar'
"Now, Pete, dat am berry surprisin'
and comblustihcatin' to calcula,e-bu,
niger, Why is you like gen leman7-
Dab, dat stump him. "Bress my soul,
Gumbo, never tink Oh dat-I gibs her
up "iah. yah so does I, sensible as l
is-been thinkin' Of i. free days, and am
furder of dan was at de start!"
~>s>s----
Socrates never wrote more good sense
than the following contains Whenever
you find = man whom you know little
about, oddly dressed, or talking ridicu.
lously, or exhibiting any encentricity Of
manner, you may be tolerab'y sure that
he is not married man for the little
corners are rounded off, the little shoots
are pruned away, in married men. Wives
generally have much more sense than
their husbands, especially when the hus-
bands are clever men. The wiie's advices
are like the bal|as,s that keep the ship
always etesdy. They are like the whole
some, though painful, cheers, shipping of
little growths Of self conceit.
ABouT ENDS. Ds.-Teacher-" Come right
here, you young scamp, and get a sound
spanking" Scholar" You amt no
right to spank me. the copy you just set
me says So" Teacher-"I should like
to hear you read that copy over to me -
Scholar" You shall. He reads. Let
all the ends thou aims u be thy country'..
and 80 forth, and when you are epankiug
me you amt aiming at no such ends"