Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1865-09-28

| ~
following story OF western life: ''We had
been busy during the day running q line
! through dense piece of woodland An old
woman gazed on US for some time in silence
i We all saw that she wished to enter into
conversation, and none with the exception
Of myself wished to crafty her. 1 soon
commenced dialogue on various matters
and subjects, and of course, put my best
foot forward Struck with my language,
she exclaimed in tone quite fattering to
| my vanity, ola, how larned you are"
But the compliment received a death blow.
| ''If was as high larned scholar as you"
continued she, 81 quit ingineerin, and 60
to keepin little grocery III
-'.Goin to clear eh ?'' called out one
farmer to another. ''Well, don't KNOW"
was the reply ''This plaguey mist is SO
thick, the sun don't seem to act a purchase
on it.h 9a ~ qs
DIARY FOR A HOT WEEK. by .'Our
/ Own Sluggard," who is determined at last
to do something.
Sunday-Day of rest; of course nothing
can be done.
/ Monday Being early in the week, don't
be too precipitate in doing anything.
I Tuesday-Determined not to let the week
!
! Wednesday-Resolve on vigorous meas
| ures for tomorrow.
Thursday Mature yesterdays delbera-
| Friday-Rather too late in the week to do
anything.
| Saturday-Give yourself up to society
and consult friends (who know best) what
is to be done next week.
--s'Ah, Sam, so you've been in trouble,
have your" Eyes, Jim, yes" "Well
cheer up, man; adversely tries us, and
shows us our best qualities. ''Ah, but ad-
versity didn't try me, it was an old yaga-
| bond offs judge, and he showed up my worst
/ qualities.
| Thr la Crosse Owls. J Republican saws that
a returned soldier recently called for a glass
Of beer in that city, and it was dealt out to
| him in a small glass. He asked the saloon
keeper if he had q pocket handkerchief to
lend him. The rag was handed over, and
he deliberately tied one end of it to the han
die of the mug, and told the saloon man to
hold the other while he drank his beer.
| Very much surprised, he asked the soldier
what he meant by such a proceeding.
| 'Nothing,' he answered ''Only the glass is
so small | was afraid l might swallow it,
/
prentice boy, cit is wonderful to see what a
| quantity you can eat"
| eyes, master" replied the boy, 81 have
been practising since was child"
The late Archbishop of Dublin once in
quired Of a physician, ''why does the opera
ton Of hanging, kill a man.
| .'Because," answered the physician, Gin
spiration is checked, circulation stopped,
and the blood sutfuses and congests the
| BRAIN
''Bosh,' replied his Grace" it is because
the rope is not long enough to let his feet
touch the ground"
"A hotel and livery stable keeper at a
fashionable watering place, advertises, with
other inducements to visitors, ssSociables for
| young ladies and gentlemen, and Sulks for
married folks" Am
| WESTERN PRAoTIoE.-A Western petit
logger once broke forth in the following in
dignant strain:
''Sir, we're enough for ye-the hull of
ye. Me and my client can't never be in
undated nor tyrrannized over, mark that
and sir, just so sure as this court decides
againt us, we will file writ of propigan-
der, sir, and"
''May inquire what the gentleman means
by writ Of propigander?''' interrupted
the opposite counsel.
'Mean? Why sir, a writ of propigander
is a-a-a-in short writ of propigander
/. IS a--a-a-wall, | don't remember the ex-
act word; but it's what I'll knock thunder
out Of your one-horse court, anyhow"
GENERoUs.-"Oh p exclaimed an honest
fellow, bewailing the trouble of friend,
s'ld give half my life for the poor fellow"
'A es, answered a regular son Of Erin,
eyes, I'd be after swearin ye'z always ready
for that; but if yez would, sure and it's the
half ye'z done wid''
The article called "water- fall'' which
Mr.. Childs in The independents says CLOCKS
like cabbage in net" but which is so
popular at the present time with the ladies,
is an ancient institution. Witness Mark
Anthony:
"Water.taH was there my countrymen."
| This gives it the date of julius Caesar,
unless Shakespeare was guilty of anachron-
| ism.
An Irishman called on lady and gen
tleman in whose employ he was, for the pur
| pose of getting some tea and tobacco. 81
| had drame last night yer honor" said he
to the gentleman. ''What is it, Pat?" 'sWhy
| drained that yer honor made me prisent
1 VI pouuu Vi tODdccy, anu nef lduySulp
| there-heaven bless her-gave me some tay
| for the good wife," 'sAh Pat, dreams 90
by contraries, " said the gentleman. ''And
faith, they may that" said Pat, $50 her la
dayship is to give me tobaccy, and his hon
or the tay'
| A TELLING PuN-stDo you know who
built this bridge ?" said a person to Hook.
''No," replied the wit "but if you go over,
you'll be tolled."
On the tombstone over the grave Of q
! husband and wife, are the following lines:
Within this grave do lie
! Back to back, my wife and |;
| When the last trump the air shall fiji,
/ If she gets up, I'll just lie still"
When Madge was a very little girl, her
father found her chubby hands full of the
| blossoms of q choice tea rose on which he
had bestowed great care. ''My dear, ''said
he, "didnt | tell you not to pick one of
those flowers without leave % ayes, papa
said Madge innocently, "but all these had
| leaves"
About week ago, says the New York
! Tribune, Milesian female of huge proper
lions and irate looks, approached one OF the
departments at the post office, and not i'm
mediately seeing clerk, began to thump
the boards and create quite q connection,
when the clerk appeared and demonstrated
with her on the improperly of her conduct.
| She looked at him fercely, placed her arms
akimbo, turned up a nose which nature had
sufficiently turned up before, jerked her