Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1865-11-02
McArOne on Rheumatism.

MCAfOnC, IN tnc NcW l Ork WHSlcut ne
ric,c, gives his experience of infammatory
rheumatism as follows:
There are no roses in the wilderness OF
vines that enclose the piazza of thecountry.
house where | write, but AN easterly wind
itself very much at home there, and whist.
linglke a first class boatswain whose mother
was a calliope.
Essy enough this eastcrly wind brings
me to the rheumatism.
1t also brings the rheumatism to me.
Did you ever have a red haired man throw
a milestone onyour hand and then bore into
your elbow with centre bit?
That is the sensation of the infainmatory
rheumatism as performed by me for seven
consecutive days and nights.
had some very fine, eccentricand humor-
Gus ideas, during this period but when u
fellows right thumb is swollen to the re-
semblance of a Hamburg sausage, and his
forefinger has wire run through the bones
lcngthwisc, he is not in good condition to
write down even the most brilliant mental
scintillations.
Neither is he expert with those frail, un-
assuming but potent instruments, the knife
and fork.
Buttons, also, at such times, present a
formidable resistance, and the razor becomes
vain and impotent toy
The only thing, in fact that runs the
easier and slides the more vigorously for the
rheumatism, is profanity.
There is peculiar twist to the elbow,
coupled with simultaneous twingcs in the
hip and knee, that produce great huency in
that particular
The remedies that one S friends suggest
are by no means the least troublesome por-
ton of the complaint.
One suggests common horse chestnut,
or buckeye carried in the trousers pock-
Ct AS an infallible preventive.
A lady says that an application of cotton
batting is sure thing.
once knew a famous cricket-player who
was cured of batting by rheumatism, but |
never knew that the rule would work both
ways.
A third suggestion was that | should be
envoloped from head to foot in blue clay,
not TO be disturbed till it cracked off of
itself.
This last struck me as good idea, es-
pecially if were to be placed at the bottom
OF "A pit six feet deep, to be thus cnveloped,
the hole to be then filed up, and neat
hcadstone erected to mark the place.
| am assured that the clay, under these
circumstances would crack and come off of
ITSELF at about the time when Gabriel per-
forms his solo obligato for the trumpet.
These are but invalid conccits; of the
rheumatism, rheumatic; but |. can hardly
do better to-day. This paper is, in fact, the
first have written for the press for nearly
fortnight, and is but sort ofexperiment
Indeed, if it gives you the same pain in
the elbow to read it, that it gives me to
write it, | sincerel ly pity you.
But if, as said, easy reading is hard
writing, this stands chance of being un-
commonly easy Of perusal
am little out Of humor with Fate, or
whatever you call it, for this shabby treat
mcnt 1t was rather rough to give fellow
whole summer Of bilious agonies, with no
rcmittant fcvers, and nothing to hope for
except rcmittant fovers, and then to crowd
on cripplng rheumatism at the end off
1t is hard on fellows stamina, and con.
stitution, and things The thought of duml
bells makes weak feeling creep down my
back and when | walk, leaning on my
cane, you might take me for some old sport
like Prof. Holmes Last Leaf"