davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23
Sermons.

The custom of taking text as the
basis ofa sermon is said to have oripi
mated about the time of Ezra, who, ac.
companied by several Levites in pub
lie congregation of men aud women, as
cended the pulpit, opened the book of
law, and after addressing a prayer to the
Deity to which the people said "Amen ="
read the law of God dctinctly, gave the
sense and caused them to understand the
reading. Previous to the time of Ezra
(457 years b. c. the patriarchs deliv
cred in public assemblies either pro
phesles or moral instruction for the peo-
pie and it was not until the return of
the Jews from the Babylonian captivity
ity, during which they had almost lost
the language in which the Petateuch
was written, that it bee ame necessary to
explain as well as to read the scriptures
to them-a practice adopted by Ezra
and since universally followed. In later
times Acts XIV, 31) the book of Moses
was read in the Synagogue every Sab.
bath day To this habit our Saviour con.
formed. and in the Synagogue, on Sab.
bath day, read a passage from the
prophet Isaiah, then closing the book.
returned it to the priest, and preached
from the text.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23
COUNTY DIRECTORY.

President Judge.
Hon. r, GWhite, Wellsborough.
associate Judges,
Hon. V. s, Drockway, Jay tp.
Hon. E. G. Schultze, St. Mary's.
Sheriff.
P. W. Hays, Ridgway
ProthenotGry, Reg. nd Rec.
George Ed. Weis, Ridgway
District Attorney,
L. j. Blakely Ridgway
Treasurer,
Charles Luhr. St. Marys
Cou"y Surveyor,
George Walmsley, St. Marys
commissioners,
Charles Weis, st. Mary's
Geo. Dickinson, Ridgway.
Joseph W, Taylor, Fox.
AuditorS,
R. T. Kyler, Fox
Jacob McCauley, Fox.
II. d. Derr Benczett
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

/ PHILADELPHIA 4 ERIE RATI
! j ROAD.-This great line traverset
Che Northern and Northwe counties O
PENNSYLVANIA to the city of Erie, OF
Lake Erie.
1t has been leased by the Tcnnsy7pa
ma RoI food company, and is opera
ed by them.
It's entire length was opened for pas
senger and freight business, October
18th, 1864.
TINE OF PASSENGER TRAINS
AT RIDGWAY.
I Le1Ue EastUdrd.
Erie Mail Train 8 80 a. M
Erie Express Train I 81 D. M
Ledye WeStpard.
Erie Mail Train II 81 n. m
Erie Express Train 10 10p. m
Passenger cars run through without
change both ways between Philadelphia
and Erie.
NEW YORK CONNECTION.
Leave New York at 600 p. m, Arrive
at Erie 3.37 a. M.
Leave Erie at l.55 p. NJ, arrive at New
York 1.l5 p. m.
ELEGENT SLEEPING CARS on Express
Trains both ways between Williamsport
and Baltimore, and Williamsport and
Philadelphia.
For information respecting Passenger
business apply at the : 4. corner 3Nth
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23
A Deaf Criel.

An old court crier, who had grown
grey in the cause, and as deaf as bee.
tie, was in the habit ofcalling the name,
OF witnesses (Which he generally man.
aged to get wrong) from the second storv
window OF the court house, in such n
Stentorlan voice as to be heard with dis.
tinetnesS fora square or more. Ga one
occasion, in the course of very serious
and somewhat important suit, the nrc
sence OF a witness, named Arabella
blanks, was deede6. The cricr, like a
parrot, sat uodding on his perch, when
he was aroused from his slumber by an
order IRON the Court to call the witness
Looking auxiously at the Judge with his
hand to his car, in order to catch the
sound correctly, he said
What, your loriship?"
Call Arabella Hanks" said Judge.
Still in doubt, the poor crier arose
from his scat and said again, with a
much puzzled look. What, your lord
ship"
"Call Arabclla Hanks, crier, and
delay the court no lougor,." said the
Judge much provoked.
The old crier, thereupon, with coun.
teaHce which indicated both doubt and
desperation, proceeded to the window.
and in his loudest voice called out,
"Yaller Belly Shanks Yaller Belly
Shanks ! Ialler Belly Shanks come
into court ~
1t is needless to say tha. the serious.
ness of the court room was conclusivcly
dispelled and quiet was restored only
to be again disturbed by the laughter
caused by the orier, who in answer TO
the Court as to whether or not the wit.
ness replied. said, mo, your lordship
and | don't believe there is such a per.
son in the county, for I've lived here
forty years, and never hc'crd of him
before :"
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23
A Fix.

A farmer had occasion to send his
man (who, by the way, was a Jolly
Dutchman,) to ueighboring town for
a barrel of molasses. The weather be.
ing warm, the road rough aud the dri
yer moreover driving rather fast, the
mo lasses took notion to "work," as it
is generally called. But we will let the
Dutchman tell the story in his own way /:
Veil, | coomed along, and coomed
along, till | got to the hill vat stants on
te top NV tie placksmit shop, ant ten l
looks rount pehint my punghole thinks
lvil sthop dat; so | stopped te cart ant
scotched ter oxen NIT grabble ro *, ant
droves de punhole in as tight as never
vas woodnot, and coomed along agin, till
| got war tie forks of te road crosses one
toder init te mectin' hose, and [ looks
round pehind mi pack agin, ant te sthutf
vas all running oter mit te pareI. So"
sais |, 81 fix you row." ant picks nm
a chook nit all my might, ant te pung.
hole flew out NIT noise like a cannon
ant knocked ne down on de road flat
NIT my PACK, ant scaret te cart and dey
runs away NIT te oxen ant turn dem ali
Offer ant proke evrytings in pieces, and |
am coOmed home NIT myself gist ant te
cart he run to te tyful. ! r N.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

1
A GOOD WIFE.-A translation of ;
Welsh triad:
She is modest, void of deceit and ODE
dent.
Pure of conscience, gracious of tongue
and true to her husband.
Her heart not proud, her manners
atfable, and her bosom full of compassion
for the poor.
Laboring TO be tidy, skillfull of hand,
and fond Of praying to God.
Her conversation aimiable, her dress
decent and her house orderly.
Quick of hand, quick Of eyes, and
quick of understanding.
Her person shapely, her manners
agreeable, and her heart innocent.
Het face benignant, her head intelIi-
gent, and provident.
NeighbOrly, gentle, and of liberal
way of thinking.
Able in directing, providing what is
wanting, and good mother to her child
ren.
Loving her husband, loving peace,
and loving God.
Happy is the man who possesses such
q wife.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

NOrlCE.-All persons indebted to late
FIRMS of {. Luhr X Co, and Fred Schening
q TO are requested their accounts by The
mrs OF July next. either by note or other.
WISE when the accounts will then be left
Tor immediate collection. Persons indebted
10 Fred Schening & Co., will find their acy
counts at Centreville until the above stated
CHAS. LUHR.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

netherlands attending Court
as witnesses in Commonwealth cases,
must hereafter claim their fees of the
undersigned, before leaving Court, or
they will not be taxed iu the bill of
costs.
By order of the County Comr's.
LAURIE j. BLAKELY,
District Attorney.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

A HAPPY REToRT.-A man was
broue mt into court on the charge of hay.
ing stolen some ducks from farmer.
How do you know they are your
ducks :" asked the defendants coun.
sell
ooh, / should know them anywhere, :"
replied the farmer, who proceeded to
describe their peculiarities,
"Why," said the prisoners counsel,
"thoso ducks can't be such rare breed
i have some very like them in my
yard"
"That's not unlikely sir" said the
farmer, "they are not the only ducks
I've had stolen lately"
"Cail the next witness.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

The LABOR CT WRIrING.-A rapit
penman can write thirty words in min
ute. TO DO this he must draw his ouil
through the space Of one rod six teen
and one-half feet. In forty minutes hi,
pen travels furlopg and in five and
one third hours one mile.
We make, on an average, sixteen
curves or turns of the pen in writing
each word Writing thirty words in a
minute, we must make four hundred
and el9hty-eight to each minute; ia an
hour, twenty eight thousand eight hun,
dred in day of only five hours, one
hundred and forty-four thousand; in a
year OF three hundred days in Il year
torty-three millions two hundred thous
and.
The man who makes one hundred
million of strokes with pen in month
Is not all remarkable. Many men make
four millions.
Here we have in the aggregate mark
three hundred miles long, to be traced
on paper by each writer in year.
La making each letter of ordinary
alphabet we must make from three to
seven strokes of the pen on a average
three and half to four Commercial
College Monthly.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

AGAINST THE CURRENT.-A \ waggish
chap, whose vixen wife by drowning lost
her precious life, called out to her neigh
bors, all around, and told 'em that his
spouse was drowned, and in spite of
search could not be found. He knew
he said, the very mock, where she had
tumbied in the brook, and he had drag
ged along the shore, above the place a
mile or more
"Above the place p the people cried;
"why, what dye mean ?"
The man replied
"Ot course you don't suppose Id go
and waste the time to search below? I've
known the woman quite a spell, and
learnt her fashions tol'ble we'll alive or
dead, she'd 90, / swow, against the cur.
rent, anyhow !"
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23
E5y- An Irishmap. in dos

G2S-An lrishman, in describing
America, said, "You might roll England
thru 1t, an it wouldn't make a dint in
the ground there's fresh water oceans
inside that we might drown ould Ire
land ia and as for Scotland. We mipbt
stick 1t in a corner aud ye'd never be
able to lind il out, except might be by
the smell of whisky"
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23
Care of Horses.

will give my men the credit of ta
king good care of their horses! OF
course, they do not clean them as thor
oughly as they should-few men do
There is not one farm horse in hun.
dred that is more than half groomed
a little curry .combing, in the morning
Is frequently all the cleaning that horses
get. | have seen horses brought home
dripping wet, and left for the night
without as much as a wit h of straw De-
ing rubbed over them. If such men
were obliged to sleep in their wet clothes.
they would, perhaps, appreciate the cru.
city OF their conduct. Most farm men
seem to havea mortal dread of doing
anything by candle light. If left to
themselves, they would, at this season,
quit work at five o'clock, water their
horses as they bring them in, take off
the harness, give them some grain a5d
fill the racks with hay, bed them down.
and then leave them till half past five
or six o'clock next morning Shade of
my foreiathers what would you say to
such teamsters Cor, exchange pa
per.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

nea- The best capitll for a youag me-
chanic is a capital young wife. 1t is at
least sort OF capital that is generally
product We, a point always considered in
making Investments. .' d., =.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

ROBBERY NEAR GALIT2IY.-Soma
time since, an old citizen of this count,
na@ed Mcguire, residing near. Ganitzin
was knocked down and robbed Of owe,
SlOO in money, while crossing the NOM
tam from the coal mines, near the finn.
mel, on the Blair side. He was so mncb
stunned by the blow that he did not re.
cover tor several hours, when he found
his way to Che Justices office at Gal
htzin' Constable Ely, of Altoona, was
'eIeegraphed the next morning 20 90 nm
ana capture the highwayman. Mr.
Mcguire had seen the man lust as Lo
was about to strike, and gave a descrin
ton ofhis hight and appearance Wiz
thus the constable started on visit +,
the mines, aud soon laid held OF a MAJ,
who answered the description. lie nr,.
tested that he was Innocent. On toEir',
him before Mcguire, the latter identies1
him as the man who had struck b;n,
On searching his person, $50 oC H.
money taken from Mcguire was fonnS
The affair happened in Blair CONT
where bail was entered for the anne,
auce Of the miner It next cur.
t2271 Tibuqt,. '-., .fH'~ri
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

neA- The following name is published
III the ilst OF advertised letters remain.
ing in the New York postofice
John NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
benbicker. ,...'Ie,-..' =, '''''
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

"A Western editor apologises to his
readers after this fashion I've expcc.
ted to have a death and marriage to
publish this week, but violent storm
prevented the wedding, and the DOCTOR
being sick, the patient recovered, and
we are accordingly cheated out of both. "
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23
Nc'o York Weekly,
Wit, Wisdom and Fun.


ty on the typographical errors of an,
First Poem";-
Ah here it is I'm famous now
An author and poet
1t really is in print ye gods
How proud III be to show it
And gentle Annie! What a thrill
Will animate her breast,
To read these ardent lines and know
To whom they are addressed.
Why, bless my soul there's somethin!
strange;
What can the paper mean
BY talking Of the graceful books
That gander DER the green"
And here's instead of r,
Which makes it tipping rill :"
'Wc'll seek the shad, instead of shade,
And hell, instead of hill
'They look so'-What I recollect,
Twas sweet and then twas kind
And now to think the stupid fool
For bland has printed blind
Was ever such provoking work
IT'S curious, by the by
How anything is rendered blind
! BY giving it an eye. .....
Hast thou no tears the rs left out,
Hast thou no ears, instead;
L hope that thou art dear is put
Il hope that thou art dead
Who ever saw in such space
SO many blunders crammed
'Those gentle eyes bedimmed' is spelt
'Those gentle eyes bedamned.'
The color of the rose is nose
affection is 'afliiction :
| wonder if the likeness holds
In fact as well as fiction.
Thou art a friend, the r is gone;
Who ever would nave deemed
That such trifing thing could change
A friend into 'fiend y
Thou art the same is rendered lame p
1t really Is too bad
And here, because an is out,
My lovely maid is mad
They drove her blind by poking in
An eye-a process new;
And now they've gouged it out again,
And made her crazy, too.
Where are the muses. fed, that thou
Shouldst live so long unsung
Thus red my vision--here it is
'Shouldst live so long unhung.'
'The fate of woman's love is thine,
And II commences 'fate
How small circumstance will turn
A woman's love to hate.
LII read no more What more do!
I'll never dare to send it =
The papers scattered far and wide
'Iis nov too late to mend it,
Oh Fame thou cheat of human bliss
Why die ever write.
wish my poem had been burnt
Before it saw the light.
4et's stop and rscapitulate-
I've d'm'd her eyes, that's plain;
We told her she's a lunatic, ,..
And blind, and deaf and lame. ;
Vas ever such horrid hash
In poetry or in prose? .
We said she was a fiend, and praised
The color of her nose. '.....
wish had that editor
About mile minute; r
d BANG him TO his hearts content,
And with an II begin it. ,
d JAM his body, eyes and bones,
And spell it with "a D. - q
md send him to that hill of his
lie spells it with anE
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

89- About three hundred second lien
tenants are to be immediately appointed
IN the regular army. The number will
be apportioncd among the Congression.
al Districts. All applicants must have
served two years in the volunteers, and
been honorably discharged thcrefrom
\ Board IS in session to examine the
testimonials of candidates, and selees
such for personal examingtiop rs nay
seem fitted. '
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

BARE iTcE hi. lsnlcrisa., &, ul
IoSolne anl unsighlIy difficulty, and Quo
very liable to ran through herd ofcnt
tie TO the series dctriment of the ar
rearonce of the stock. The remedy IS
avery simple one, aud, as we are inform.
ed by correspondent, very cfiicac:ou,
one. Take Il corIh cob, and rub tho
affected part until the surface is smooth
and apply some grease as an enlol,
lient.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

Its funny to see young lady with
both hands in soft dough, and It, mos
quito on the cud Of her nose.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

FORK Your GARDENs.-Professed d
gardeners we'll understand the fall man.
agement Of these important little family
farms. 1t is needless to tell them how
much the success of next years crops
depends upon turning up the ground
late in November intended for such
crops. But there are many others
those who have small gardens-aud in
this class are many Of our well.to.do far.
mers-who only raise half crops of veg
etables, and these ofan inferior quality.
and wonder why it is so.
Now, if they will use the garden fork,
and turn the soil up full fork deep, al.
lowing It to remain in Jumps all winter
exposed to the frost, it will put the soil
IN excellent condition and tend greatly
to add to the production of next wears
crops. Gardens, especially old ones,
should also be lined about once in five
years, and salted about every other year.
apply ing of lime at the rate of about
thirty bushels to the acre, and of salt
from eight to ten. In applying salt
keep it from coming in contact with
boxedging aud all other cvergreens, very
smrll trees, &c. Such a course will |
bring up your old gardens in a surpri-
sing manner. Turnips, radishes, &e.,
will grow as we'll as they ever did, and .
all other vegetables be largely benefit.
ted.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

Why is a convalescent dyspepti,
like a rcprivcd criminal?
Because he cant di. gest vet.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

-Artcmus Ward says his hair pcsem,
bles lovers on the eve Of separation. 1t
is hard to part.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

IA Miss of thirteen summers. resi-
ding in Portland, Maine, weighs three
hundred and live pounds, and is gaaing
finely.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

a gentleman who had the curl,
oslty to spend dime in answering an
advertisement which promised "vaIua,
bic information" for that amount, re
ceived by mail the following answer.
Its about the average.
FRIEND; For ten cents po.tage,
please tiud enclosed advice which NAV
be OF great value to you. As many per
sous are injured for weeks, months and
years By the carless use OF a knife, there.
fore my advice is when You use knife,
ARRAYS whHtlc ,f;om g9u.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

One Of our cotcmporarics says he
mad horse given him. He forgot to
add the word "whipping."
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

lie who gets angry in discrs,
sion while his opponent keeps cool, hold.
the hot end Of che poker.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

A clergyman said in a recent ser.
mon that the path of rectitudo had been
travelled 50 little Of late years it had
completely run to grass.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23
ANSWER

w., DO you like goldfish balls, Mr.
Wigsin :" Mr.. Wiggin, hesitatingly !;
81 really don't know, miss, / never re,
collected attending one"
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

neA-A young Miss, dressed in white
waist and blue skht, when asked where
the red needed to form the tri. i.coor was.
simply pointed to her cheeks.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

Say, Sam, what do you sell dem
Shoes for ?"
Cant sell DEM pomp."
why not :"
"kasc, deys half solcd Already
Yah
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

seA-A driver of coach in Texl.
stopping to get some water for the young
ladies in the carriage, being asked what
he stopped for, replied, al am watering
my flowers" \ delicate compliment
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

The following is dedicated to the
Pitholders
There was a little monkey safe on a
little tree
he safe there as long as he wanted for
to he;
And when he got tired he got Down,
don't You see?
And went and safe on another little
tree.
The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1865-12-23

A moon-struck woocr presented a
rose to lady, accompanied with the
following lines.
Accept, dear maid, this bcauteous rose,
10 deck thy breast most fair;
Observe its hue, no wonder why
1t bushes to be there.
ANSWER.
| will accept thy beautcous rose,
And on my breast cnslave it;
But should it blush, | should suppose
'Iis for the fool that gave it
The Nashville daily union. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1862-1866, 1865-06-17

The New York News recognizes the
fact that the success of the armies OF
the Union gives the manufacture Of
history 10 Northern historians, and
puts a point or two, as follows:
"Nlrginians know a certain river hank
by the nhms Of Drewrys Bluff, but
never learned Of Fort Darling Now,
If the waf had ended in favor of the
confcderacy, that bluff would have had
some chance Of retaining its Virginia
name bat Lees surrender has made il
Fort Darling, and Fort Darling'it will
remain torevermore C~onfederatef,
alec have been in the habit OF calling
q certain battle by the name of the
Seven Pines; but il is now irrevocably
end etemaliy The battle OF the Fair
Oaks and Southern people will have 90
30 call Il, even as the French were final.
D Oblieedto use the nam Of Water
loo, although they long made 3 strag-
lie ioE Mont ST. Jean.