The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1865-03-09

an elderly maiden lady ia the country. who
wanted more of his company than he wa:
willing to give. Proposing one day to take 4
stroll with him, he excused himself on account
OF the badness of the weather. Shortly after
wards she met him sneaking out alone $50
M Sheridan" said she, sit has cleared up.'
Just little, ma'am--enough for one but moi
enough for two" has sslaas,.9 .asn.l .a'l11ns
49a is78E A NEW READING. & *
Kemble playing Hamlet in the country
the gentleman who. acted Guildenstern was
OF imagined himself to be, capital musician
Hamlet asks him, "Wil you play upon this
pipes" "My lord, I caanot.a al pray you.''
"Btlleve me, / Icannot.n 81 do beseech you.''
We'll If your lordship insist on it, + shall do
as well as l can;'' and to the confusion ol
Hamlet and the. great amusement of the au-
dience, played "God save the kingp e e.sr
,t4af A TRANSPORTATION SCENE.
Sir B. b, in one OF the debates on
the question OF the Union, made speech in
favor OF it, which he included by saving =
That It would change the barren hiUs into
fruitful odlleys." a2e salsI4s] ii IL
@AoA A POSER la 3 ali5e8
Foote was once met byoa friend in town
with young man who was flashing away yery
brilliantly, while Foote seemed grave: "Why.
Foote," said his friend, "you are fat to-day |:
you don't seem to relish . joke y 'sfYo ou have
not tried me yet, sir, 'said Foote. lao i..9
ENCOURAGEMENT. iss9aH d I,
A young counsel commenced his stammer-
ing speech with the remark, aThe unfortunate
client who appears by me-" and then he came
TO a full stop; beginning again, after an embar-
Iassed pause, with repetition of the remark,
my unfortunate client---p, ~ gHe did not find
his tiuency Of speech quickened by the calm
railery OF the judge, who interposed, in his
soitest tone :"pray go on, SO far the court is
quite scith you.p .t,1 s.sr .is2l.s
s'ts3 e.1 THREE ENDS TO A ROPE. aaaJs
A lad applied to the captain Of a vessel for
a berth the captain, wishing to intimidate
him, handed him a piece OF rope, and said. aIf
you want to make good sailor, you must
make three ends to the rope.' fsI can do If ),
he readily replied; "there is one, and here is
another-that makes two. Now, here's the
third" and he threw 1t overheard. IA ~
AN ERROR coRREoTED,
Jerrold was seriously disappointed with a
certain book written by one of bis friends
This friend heard that Jerrold had expressed
his disappointment tA ~ -
Friend Ito Jerrcld. / hear You said--was
the worst book ever wrote. iliota9 IS edl -
Jerrold. mo | didn't / said it was the
/ worst book anybody eyer wrote. ~ 5is
IA 89 LONG RESIDENCE isW r
The following complacent Scottish remark
upon Bannockburnswas made to a splenetic
Englishman, who had said to Scottish coun-
.ryman that no man of taste would think OF
remaining any time in such ascountry as Scot
land. To which the canny Scot replied, tastes
differ: pse TAX ye to a place no far frae Stir
ling, whaur thretty thousand o. yer country
men ha' been for Eve hundred years, an
Il ,ypf no aas nah NJ J.
EB.ql e;as q ABAD PREACHER =
A clergyman meeting a particular friend,
asked him why he never came to hear him
preuch. He answered, Il am afraid 0. disturb
ing your solitude. dine aaf 3 /.
MIND YOUR POINTS. y
A writer in thus describing the last scene OF
"OLhelo," had this exquisite passage: "Upon
which the Moor, seizing bolster full of rage
and jealousy, smothers her." "9ls un.
AN ODD OCCURRENCE. 4. y
At wedding the other day one of the
guests, who often is little absent minded, OBJ.
served gravely, 81 have often remarked that
there have been more women than men mar
ried this year." %
"oUR LANDLADY.'
A landlady, who exhibited an inordinate
love for the vulgar fluid gin, would order hel
servant to get the supplies after the following
fashion: Betty, go and get quartern loal
and half a quartern of GIN" OF started Bet
ty. She was speedily recalled. @Betty, make
it half quartern loaf, and quartern Of gin
ButBetty had never fairly got across the
threshold on the mission ere the voice was
again heard "Betty, on second thoughts, you
may as well make itGH gin.p u
WELLINGTON SURPRISED.
A nobleman ventured, in a moment of con-
Vivialty at bis grace's table, to put this ques
tion to him: "Allow me to ask, as we are al
here titled, If you were not surprised at Wat.
| erloo?" To which the duke responded, "No
but am now. ao2la s'QgAs9