Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1865-11-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

heaven sent US women, and France-crlnoline.
Marrying lady for her beauty is like eating a
bird for its singing.
When does man sneezs three times When be
can't help it.
Never saw such stirring times, as the spoon
said to the saucepan.
Why are women like beets Because the young
Or they are the sweeter.
As winds the ivy around the tree as to the crar
the moss patch roots, so clings my constant soul
to thee, my own, my beautiful, my-boots.
ssMy lord" said the foreman of Welsh jury.
when giving in their verdict, owe find the man
that stole the mare not guilty"
Josh Billings says that ':Patence, if it IL mere
ly constitutional, don't appear tew me tew be
ennymore ov virtu than kold fete arr
Josh says ssIf man is going to make . bizxi-
ness of serving the Lord, he likes tew see him do
it when he measures out onions, as well as when
he holars halleluyar.''
This world Is feeting show, said priest to
culprit on the gallows. les, was the prompt re-
ply, but if you have objections I'd rather see
the show a little longer
An Irish peasant being asked why he permitted
his pig to take up his quarters with his family,
made answer; "Why not Doesn't the place
afford every coRv enience that pig require ~
An impatient chap, waiting for the grist, said
to the miller:-"I could eat the meal as fast as
the mill grinds It," GLOW long could YOU do so,
my friend 2" inquired the miller. ss'Till starved
to death, was the sarcastic reply.
bachelor editor, who lives in a shanty and
boards his devil, woke up the other morning and
found big snake in his room. We guess he will
remain bachelor, for no woman could be persua-
dsd to go in with an editor, devil and snake.
printer, meddling with the verdict of coro-
ner's jury, struck out a comma after the word ap-
oplexy, making it read thus !:
DECEASED came to his death by excessive drink
Ing, producing apoplexy in the minds of the jury.
An exchange gives the reasons for not publish
ing poetic effusion as follows: ssThe rhyme
sounds like pumpkins rolling over barn floor
while some lines appear to have been measured
with yard stick, and others with 10 foot pole"
Josh Billings says he has "waited pashuntly
now for more than twenty-five years, for the mil.
lenium tew commence, and-jist look 1T butter
so cents pound ~ Josh also declares that he
10 "more afraid Nv phool than he il NV q rhinos-
tsross bekause the rhinosteross il alwuz kept In
kaigue."
A man, noted for his camness and q scoldng
wife was one night stopped in the woods by pre-
tended ghost. Il can't stop, my friend," said he,
eff you are q man, must request you to get out
Of the way and let me pass. If you are the devil,
come along and take supper, for married your
sister,"
An urchin OF ten summers was sent to school
for the FIRST time, and was asked, who made him
Little boy didn't know. The teacher told him
the proper answer, and some hours after repeated
the question. The boy rubbed his head and re-
piled: 'I swow, I've forgotten the gentleman's
name."
Oh, don't THE Editor Of the Montezuma Re-
publican, is responsible for the following:
''We have on exhibition at this Office the great
est natural curiosity of the age 1t is nothing
more nor less than mosquitoes bladder, contain
ing the souls of twenty government swindlers, and
the fortunes a dozen or more editors have accumu-
lated in publishing country newspaper. The
tarnal thing is nearly half full.
Western Eloquence.-Mr. President-the roar
ing Of the thunder was heard far and wide, and
reminded those who heard it of the Gathering Of
the hoofs of 80 many wild horses galloping across
Q bridge over creek where the little fish were
seen skipping about from puddle to pu ddle the
lightning flashed and every now and then the
whole canopy of heaven looked as though it was
lighted up with tallow candles, and them all SNUFF
fed.
What's an editor , Why he's an individual who
reads newspapers, writes articles on any SUBJ
ect, sets type, reads proof, works at press. folds
and mails papers, prints jobs, runs on errands,
saws wood, works in the garden, talks to all who
call, receives blame for hundred things that are
no ones business but his own, works from five a.
m. to ten p. m, makes sorghum, runs a tin-shop,
earnings Who wouldn't be an editor7