American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1865-03-15
Wit AND WISDOM.

Wit AND WISDOM.
-Reprove thy friend privately; COM
mend him publicly.
Many devote half of their lives to
laying up a store of shame for their other
half
All mercantile houses, where duties
are well attended to, are sure to become
custom houses.
"A Baltimore firm advertises, con-
centrated clam, as nutricious food for
soldiers and travellers.
We can have, if we will, perennial
fire-proof, waterproof, steam-proof, en-
joyments, that is to say, employments.
"A celebrated philosopher used to say,
"the favors of fortune are like steep rocks;
only eagles and creeping things mount the
summit"
What is that which, if you had it,
you wouldn't want it, and yet you would
not take three thousand dollars for it,
Ans A bald head
An Irishman and Yankee met at a
tavern, and there was but one bed for
them. On retiring, the Yankee SAID he
did nst care which side the bed he took
Then," said Pat, "you may take the un-
der side"
The sententious Mrs. Partington, af-
ter proudly meditating upon the nature of
the serpent spoken of in the Scripture
that seduced Eve, says she is fully con-
vinced that it must have been Boy
Constructor"
-"Julius, was you ever in any bust
ness ?"
"Of course | was"
"What business 2"
A sugar planter" :"
When was that, my colored friend Z"
e Der day / buried dat old sweetheart
of mine"
During the drafting in Philadelphia
an excited Irishman shouted out, refer
ing to the wheel-"whirl it round whirl
it round, will ye!" He was evidently in
great suspense.
"What's the matter with you ?" shout
ed the Provost Marshal.
"Oh, be jabers, turn it round dozen
O times, for that man you drawn last is
my next door neighbor."
We have found somewhere an en-
tirely new reading of Shakespeare, and
herewith present part of the 4" crooked
back tyrant's" first soliloquy, slightly Teu-
tonized, for the especial consideration of
oratorica. Strobel =
Now is de winter nit mine dishcontent,
Made funny by mine leetle son Shake,
Vot ish yumpin up and down on
NV knee mit-Dunder and bitten!
Caterine, here take de shild, kwiek !
dinks | go and shauge de leg
Won mine breeches."
"A few days since, as was sitting by
the fire, enjoying the aroma of cigar a
la Havana; my little nephew, a 3 year
old, who was amusing himself about the
room, suddenly stopped, as if an idea had
struck him, whereupon the following con-
versation ensued.
NEPHEW" Uncle Ed, what is that
skin on the cigar for ?"
UNCLE That is to preserve the
draft"
NEpHEw.-( After some tho'D" =" Well
nv father won't be drafted"
UNCLE" Why not ?"
NEPHEW" Cause he don't smoke
The superintendent of Sunday
school was questioning his pupils concern
ing the addresses made to them during
the previous session.
Children, what did Mr. Phonny tel
you this morning?"
No answer was made.
Can't any one tell me what he said p
Susie, can't you remember ?"
Susie, bright little girl of seven years
arose, and, with one finger in her mouth
bashfully lisped OUT
"Pleatbe, thir, he talked and he talk
ed, and thed ath how he loved nth, and
he talked-and-we all thought he watf
a goin' to thay thomsthing, but he didanl
thay nothing"
Those who undertake to address Sab
barh-sehool children without having any
thing to say may learn something from
Susie.