The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1865-07-31
How Tom COrwin Rid his Sister of nm
Obnoxious Lover.

Obnoxious Lover.
Every one has heard of the eloquent,
pathetic and numerous stump orator OF
Ohio. He was pronounced by Mr. Clay
"a most competent authority to be the
finest stump speaker he had ever heard,
aud in this opinion most heartily coin
eide, after having heard Clay, Critten-
den, Jones, of Tennessee, Polk, Benjam.
in, Soule, Randall, Tom Marshall, Gener-
III Lamar, Bates, Douglas, and host of
others.
Well, this great orator carried his love
of fun into every department. OF life. In
the private circle, where he knew every
person, and where he unbosomed himself
fully, he was the most delightful CONVEX
sationalist ever listened to. do not
know that he now, as age and in6rmities
arc creeping on, INDUCES his prOclivity
To humor as much as he used to do But
some twenty years ago he used to tell
with great gusto the following story:
I'm early life so early that1 cannot
remember the removal-ny father pulled
up stakes. and carrying with him the
household goods, went from Bourbon
county, Kentucky, where was born, to
Ohio Notwithstanding rough and
tumble struggle with the world, l had
hard time to get on, owing to numer-
Gus and rapidly increasing family. Well,
family matters had not much improved
when had reached my thirteenth or
fourteenth year.
AT this time there lived in the neigh
borhood young man by the name OF
Pickering He had inherited we'll
stocked farm, was good looking, and
made strong profession of religion
This latter qualification caused him to
ind particular favor I'm the eyes Of my
father, who was always blinded by pro-
fessions Of extra piety,
"'rhis fellow had u strong bankcring
after one of my sisters, who was u very
pretty girl. TO her he was peculiarly
distastefnl. She seemed always annoyed
at his presence. Yet lie was ever ut her
side She dared not dismiss him entire
ly, for fear Of the paternal anger. Things
went on in this way year or two, and
rs partook largely of my sisters ha.
tired to him, resolved to get rid of him
in some way. ! cast about for plan for
some time, but nothing occurred which
gave the slightest hope of being success
ful.
AT last returning home late one sum-
mer night from the mill 1 found the fam
lily ut their nightly devOtions. Passing
by the windows Of the room in which
they were assembred, saw that Picker
ing was there, and pretty soon discovered
that he was nodding, and finally, his
head dropped. Now was my opportuui-
ty. I stole slyly into the hall, and
reaching the hall door, which was sligt-
" ajar, and close by which Pickering
was on Blended kuee,' reached in and
quickly pulling his chair from under him.
he rolled heavily, rs sound sleeper
would upon the floor The noise
alarmed all The old gentleman stopped
in the midst of his almost interminable
PRAYER, and saw the position of Picker
lug All the family laughed outright !;
even my mother smiled.
Pickering endeavOred to pick himself
up as rapidly as possible, but he had
touched the old man upon his tenderest
point. 1t was evident from his rubbing
his eyes, that he had slept under the old
gentleman's ministrations; and had not
my father u reputation far and wide for
the fervency aud strength of his minis
trations, and was not Pickering his pro-
Tossing brothor2 Slowly yet most dig
nifedly did the old man approach him.
BECOME, hypocrite he cried in thun-
dering tones. Never enter my house
again
tPickering was thunderstruck, He
felt that he could make no apology
which would not add to insult. He had
TO suspicion of the extra force which
had aided him in his fall. He at once
found his hat, took up his line of IN arch,
and, completely crest-fallen, passed by
me as ] stood grinning in the shadow of
the porch.
AT suitable time | entered, got my
supper, was told by my brother in hur-
ried whispers what had happened, and
then / stole off to bed, affecting igno-
rance, and laughing most heartily, as l
ensconsed myself in the sheets, at the
complete success of my plan.
Next day cautiously impaired my
secret to my sister. She was in her own
room 1T the time, and she threw herself
upon the bed and rolled in agonies and
conyulsions of laughter. She had been
emancipated forever from the obnoxious
lover. The old gentleman did not hear
the real state Of the facts for full twenty
years .afterward. but when he did he
launched HEARTILY