Evansville daily journal. (Evansville, Ind.) 1863-1866, 1865-12-14
Buying a Nose.


Accompany Of travellers who had been
iourneying during the day III the same
stage coach, were sitting at dill ner in the
hotel4 andi dnriuglthe repast we're enter
tanned by one of the company, who had
chosen as bis theme the travelling COM
!. mercial clerk so frequently met with on
e land or water. 80 ~
SEE The clerk, ladies and gentlemen"
said be, is gifted with extraordinary
ss faculties, such highly cultivated senses,
- that without ever having been IN a city
before, he st once, as if by magic, finds
his way to the dIning-room, He discov-
q z aefs at onc$tHe most secret doors, and
before you are able to brush the dust
from your clothes, he rs already seated
at the table, he's swallowed the soup and
carved the poultry. He is, say teri
ror to all travellers who are obliged to
~ dine at.a tube dhOte., Under the pre-
tefce Of being ina hurry, and DESTROYS
of calling on a customer while the horses
are being changed, all the dishes disap-
4. pear from before him and he caFves, Or
rathercuts up the meats of every dis
criptioH, without exhibiting too great q
Z knowledge of anatomy. The only thing
that cen Justly be said in his favor is
-l.- that he is d perfe ct connosseur in mat
Ei tiers Of the table, aud sternlg reprimands
: the landlord for any neglect or want Of
- attention on his part. He exercises q
strict supervision over the eatablest and
will not permit chicken to be brought
upon the table the second time. Permit
y Ede tpEbrinA befaEs yazss eybs deacrip.
ton of our clerk, as it should be entered
on his passport:
a Religion, peResi age ,r25>35 years; size,
middling, with an inclination TO heshi-
ness; nose, aquiline; mouth ever ready
to eat, drink or speak, quick, fluent
and strongly pursuasive; color, healthy,
and Redeemed by wine; behavior, exceed
Z Il ingIy obsttusive; Extraordinary mark,
great attention to the fair sex. ,..,s,.
Here one Of the younger sex arose
~ and said tpathe spsskesi who sat oppo-
site to him:
Hsir, yau may save yourself the
trouble Of specifying any further the
+, peculiaEiseil of q tFayesliiqg clerk, for
covered that am member of the class
described. - ~
s. 4'''-'f H6w7 yin a commercial traveller :"
"Yes, sirip +r
"And in what business, may be per-
mitted to age2 !" y, rsa.-. ,sa
80 90 az 'trave! in the nose BUSINESS.
Ahal in the noses of psstehoard
False faces, probablyl
.., No sir deal in poses of flesh, IN
one word; human noses ~
The whole table was in q roar of laugh
= ter, for the describer of the clerk had q
nose that would make two of the com
: "-s mon run of nasef orgahs.'~ The clerk
now with q most grave and serious air jlr
continued: - ID
Sir, if you wish, would like to buy
j NSss your nose. Although yeuf nose is not o.
ihe best quality, and, moreover, belongs
to that class which is not in great de-
mand,oyet Lam yilliug to buy"
My nose2"
eyes, sir-yOur nosel"
. A ai@s v your ps dessS. ~ - III,
aThat sounds sensible. When paya
bleReb ga d "A l. -
ION demand-eash down"
"Stil beterl Well and the price2'
ironically Inquired the owner of the nOs'
in question.
The clerk took out his pocket-bool
and made a calculations; then, afteI
carefully measuring the nose, he offered
fifty dollars for it, payable within TWEEN
so yfour hours The business was aet
tied, and ten bottles of champagne were
80 settled upon as the forfeit to be paid By
the party backing, out-the vender re
serving the right to use his nose as Ions
as he lived, y,.fs.,s,
All the stpulations being agreed to
and the transaction closed, the clerl
whispered few words to the waiter, WHIT
went out, but soon returned with pal
of tongs heated red hot.
-t4-~ %Whrt does this mean?p = cried thl
seller, starting back in great alright
alt is, as you perceive, pair Of red
hot tongs," answered the clerk. "When
ever I make purchase, always mari
my goods, so thatsI may bea certain t
get the same article bought. you
nose, as all here present can prove
hence l shall mark it,
But this i never viii allow
"Then, sir, you break your bargain
.-.,,bY opposing the practice Of traders
Oh, that you were in nay placer
said the seller in a rage
have not sold but bought, SIT
You must pay, the champagne. ! cal
on the company present to decide tn
question = ns.aawu
The seller of the nose was found gull
y a ~ and unanimously scondemnad to pa,
"a. the forfeit, while, amid shouts o. Taught
er, the health of the ready clerk, who
by buying nose had sold I" his oppe
'.7eg.a nent, was quaffed in foaming bu.npers.
nENmTcTRV -.