The Shasta courier., 1865-09-30
The Turkish Bath.
THE STORY OF ONE WHO WAS IN.


The New York correspondent of the Phil
adelphia Dispatch describes the Turkish
Bath in the following interesting manner:
Our latest novelty here is the Turkish
BATH" and we are going it" on that
Oriental importation just with sort of
fashionable frenzy. The last Legislature in
corporated the New York and BROOKLYN
Turkish Bath Company" and no doubt that
corporation proposes to supply us dd Iibitans
with ablutions a la 1arcqae, to the exclu-
sion of all private enterprise; but private
enterprise got ahead of it, and /" Turkish
Baths" meet your eye in every direction.
and hence instead of - How do YOU do?'
people now say when they meet, - How do
you bathe ?" Instead of dancing out the
Winter, inquiry of Have you tried the
German ?'' they summarily eiaculate,- :
Have you tried the Turkish ?'' For nv
own part l talked Turkey at once in order
to get well into the excitement. | bought a
pile of tickets ia dollar each) to the Turkish
bath, and pound canister five dollars a
pound) Turkish tobacco. | sweltered
through the one, and smoked through the
other.
Have you any Turkish baths yet in your
city? If not, you will have them before
long. So prepare yourself. What are they
like? do you say. Well, as they are declared
to be a remedy for rheumatism, for bad
complexion, for nervousness, for billousness.
for-etc., etc., ride the advertisement of any
modern medicine-as they are warranted to
make you handsome, healthy. and ''all that
sort Of thing" I'll give you faint idea of
the thing as | endured it. After disrobing.
you are conducted to room heated to 1909
Fahr. Here you seat yourself, and the bath
commences, for your pores open until your
body resembles mass Of water jets, and YOU
seem to simmer gently in your own gravy.
Between the heat and the exudation you
rapidly grow exhausted, and after approach
ing the edge Of your grave, as it were, and
looking into it, the half hour elapses, and
you are prevented from quite achieving dis.
solution by the opening Of door to another
chamber, and the prospect of a change
You stagger like feeble infant into said
chamber, and you do experience change
indeed. 1t is heated up to 1852 Fahr., and,
unable to stand, you are expected to throw
off any fg-leaf, etc., your modesty may have
retained on your person, and may lie down
IN puris ndturGli6us upon the lounge left
there for that purpose. In that fiery fur
mace the last drop Of moisture seems to
squeeze itself incontinently out of YOUR
organism. and you begin to wonder, since
man is nine-tenths liquidity, how big the
other tenth will permit you to remain, and
you only wish that you had mirror to in
vestigate the question.
About this time you commence to have a
slight s-upcon that a Turkish bath is only a
new name for hygienic system of murder
You wonder, as you pant laboriousy for
breath, and as your existence itself seems
slowly sneaking away in search of a world
less given to limitations of Hades, fthey will
find that last will and testament at home
which you put so carefully up in your es-
critoire. fondly dreaming it wouldn't be
wanted for at least a quarter Of a century,
You wonder If Jemima Jane will readily 90
into mourning for your memory though you
know she hates black because it don't be-
come her complexion. You wonder if your
:" next friend' will return that check to YOUR
executors, which you just lent him without a
receipt, or if he propose to your widow (he
always told you, after dinner, that she was
g a deuced fine woman, by Jove Ply to rem
der settlement unnecessary You wonder
what that large marble table in the middle
OF the room is intended for. LOOKING as If
does, like the dissecting table upon which
students operate with knife and no forl,
upon any fresh stiff they can nrocura
from the nearest graveyard after midpieht
But you wonder no more after This T,vo
stalwart offspring of Erin enter the ronm
and seizing you exactly as if vou were a
corpse, throw you upon the table aforesaid
You have no strength to resist them. Thav
do as they please with your entirely nuda
and helpless person and thev please tn soar
you vigorously from head to foot. frsr ono
side and then the other washinr vou on.
tirely in your own perspiration. They rnb
and scrub, pinch and squeeze. push and
thump every inch Of your extended carcass
without mercy and without remorse. When
they have sufficiently amused themselves in
this manner, they slide you off the marble
like so much bacon. and drop you into still
another room like boiled potato.
That other room-ugh You will never
forget it, the longest dav you have to live
The instant you enter it, covered with latber
reeking with perspiration, and your blood
making, with so much heat, desnerata
endeayor to convert itself into steam and
explode your cuticle, the ceiling opens like
a sieve, and down comes cold shower. hath
like deluge. The sudden shock is nara
lying at first. Then the change becomes
agreeable, Then it becomes delightful.
Tnen it doesn't feel so nice. Then YOU begin
to shiver. Then your teeth chatter; your
lips get blue; your limbs tremble you fill
with alright; you look around for chance
of escape. Next you begin to freeze. Then
friendly hand snatches you from the bath !;
rushes you into pleasant chamber; rubs
YOU dry, and rubs you into a glow envel
opes YOU in blanket, and deposits you on
couch to sleep. And such sleep! And
such dreams 1t was in such sleep that
Mahomet concocted his voluptuous idea of a
Turkish paradise filed with houris and
sherbet-and we should add cigars and
champagne 1t is in such visions that We
realize "the glimpses that saints have of
heaven in dreams"
This is the only truly delicious part of the
whole operation, and the exquisite enjoy
ment of the slumber beggars all the elo-
ouence of words to find adequate expression.
Your sleep over, you dress and retire, hard