The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1865-12-29
Mr. NsIsby Undertakes a Sermon. but
ConfedritX Roads, tWich lain he stait-

iRoSt OthB Department., where all the
-Postmasters is appinted. Here 1t was
that yJaxon Fooled. he'd respex for
Jaxon. can't say I luved him, for he
never yoOsed us rite. BE hated the
4 wings ez bad ez We did, but after we
| beat EN- and elevated him to the Presi-
dency the stealins didn't come in ez fast
ez we. expected. Never shell I forgit the
eompll llment he paid me. Jest after his
election 4 presented myself afore him
t-He read em and scanned me with a
critics eye. -
4 ifCan,t yoo make yoose NV sich aman
asNme9" sez I, inquirinly. &
Certainly" sez he, "I kin and allus
hev. It's sich as yoo use to beet the
| Wings with, and1 am mcontinyooally as
tonishedito see how much work i ac-
complish with hlisuch dirty tools. NV
dear sir, sed he, pintin to the door,
when realize how many sich cusses
ez yoo there is, and how cheap they kin
be bought up, really tremble for the
tdid.t get the office Iiwantid. Is
Yet ez much ez love Washington I
wus forced to leayeit, Unite hey stayed
there, but the truth is the planks NV
that city and the pavements are harder
and worse to sleep2On than those NV any
other city in the Unied States. hev
lived two months by passin myself off
81 OAlehEdIlC congressman, DuG that
Good only last q short time, there not
bein many of that persuation here to
personate.. had gone the rounds nv
the House, ez often ez it wus safe, and
one mite commenced on tho SENT, Co.
in into Willard's called fora go nv gin,
wich the gentlemanlyf and urbane bar
keeper sot afore me, and Idrank. "Put
1t down with the rest nv mine," seq I
with an impressive wave NV the hand.
!'Yoor name, ,'asez he. F.f
i Asoonlin a intellectooal look ] retort-
ed, Do you know Charles SumnerP'
Here1 overdid There vaultin ambi-.
ton DER leapt herself. Had sed tSauls-
bury It mite have anseredP butto give
Summers name foF.a drink NV gin WIIs
"a peece Nv lunacyofor wich can't &C
count. 1wuZignominiously kicked out
into the street. Drinks obtained at the
expense nv bein kicked, is cheap, but
don't want em on them mterms-mYpride
revolted, and so I emigrated. The gem
tlemanly and urbane Conductors NV the
Pennsylvania Central passed me over
their road. They did it with the assist.
ance NV two gentlemanlY and urbane
brakesmen. wich dropped me tenderly
across the track, out nv the hind eend nv
the last car. tat5'le
I found here a church buildin, NV
wich the congregation had bin mostly
killed in bushwhackin expeditions, and
announsin myself ez constooshnel
preacher from Moo Gersey, succeeded in
drawin together highly respectable
awiience last Sunday
Il, sTakin for text the passage "the
wages NV sin is death, opened out as
follows: 5.a z5lf q -7asL alf {
IS swat is sin? Sin my beloved hear
ers, is any deviashen from yer normal
condtshen. Your beloved pastor. hez a
stumick and a head, wiCh is in close
sympathy with each other, so much so,
indeed, that the principal biznes NV the
head isto fill the stumfck, and mighty
close work its bin for many years, yoo
bet. Let yoor beloved pastor drink NV
mite quart or two more than his
Yoosual allowance, more than his STUN
lex absolootly demands, and his head
l0swens withsindgnashen. The excess is
sin, and the ache is the penalty.
"The wagis NV sin is dethl Punish
ment and sin is ez the shadder is from
the man,-one ez shoor to foller the 9TH
er ez the assessor is to KUN around-ez
mite is to foller day. The Dimekratic
party NV wlch am ornament hez ex-
| perienced the trooth NV this text. When
Douglas switched off he sinned, and ez
a conscience Linkin wus elected, and
the seeptre departed from Israeli
| When"-
AT this pint in the discourse a old
man in the back part nv the house ariz
| and interrupted me. He sed he had a
word to say on that subjeck which
must be sed, and ifI interrupted him
till he got through he'd punch my he'd,
whereupon let him go on.
"Trooly," seZ he, 1.-THE wages of sin is
deth.n 4 heY alkus been Dimecrat.
The old DimocracyIhez bin in the service
Nv sin Tor thirty years, and the assort-
ment Nv death 1t hez received for wages
is trooly surprizin. Never did a party
commence better. Jaxon wus honist
man, who knew that righteosnis wus
the nashun's best holt. But he died,
and host NV tuppenny politicians,
with his great name fur capital, Jumped
into his old clothes AN nndertook to
run the party. Eff the Dimocracy coold
hev elected honist!man every fourth
or fifth term, they mite hev ground
along for q. longer period;J but alarsI
Jaxon wuz the last NV that style we
he'd, and SO many dishOnist cusses Iyuz
then in the capital that his ghost Good
ent watch the half NV them. =
The fust tnstahment nv deth we re-
seaYed wrz when Harrison beet us.
The old pollytishens in our party didn't
mind It, tor seq they, 1.-THE Treasury
woodent heV bin wuth mutch to us en-
nybow after the suokin it has experi-
enced for II years-ttS needs 4 years nv
rest" We elected Poke, and here IL
wuz that Sin got complete hold nv us.
Anshent compacts made with the devil
wuz aluz ritteu in blud.s We made a
contract with Calhoonism, and that Wuzi
ritten in bIud which wuz shed in Next
CO. Here we sold ourselves out, boots
and britches, to the cotton Dimocrisy.
and don't our history ever sence prove
the trooth NV the text, "The wages nv.
wages bin paid us.
Our men ny character commenst
leavin u.s. Sflas Write kicked out and
WOOD heV gone over agin us, he'd he not
fortunately died too soon, and skores
NV others followed SCOT. Things went
on unui feerse wuz elected. Then
Devil (which Is cotton) whom we Wuz
servins brot Kansas into the ring, and
wot aBkatterin ensood.
Agin the men NV character got out,
and gradually but shoorly the work NV
deth went on. Bookannon wuz elected,
put wuz NV no yoose to us. After
PeerSe he'd run the machine four Veers
wat wuz there left2 Exc ansers. AN.
other siftin follOred, and the old party
wtch wunSt boasted a Jaxon he'd got
down to a Vallandigum. The Devil to
wich we he'd sold ourselves wood not
let US OIL with this, however. "The
wages NV SIN IS dethI and we he'd not
ted South Karliny to rebeI-he indoos-
ed the other Democratic States to foller,
he forced the Northern DeInocrfsy to
support EN-, and SO on. That wuz the
nnal stroke. Dickinson, and Cass and
DIX, ana Todd, and Logan, all left us,
ana Wunfby wun the galaxy nv North
ern stars dfsappea from the Demo
cratic fiEmanent, leavin Moo Gersey
alone, and last fall, my brethrin, she
sot in gloom.
oh how troo It is. We served sin
faithfully and where are we? We
went to war for slavery and slavery Is
dead. We mt fora confederaCy and the
confederacy is dead. We fit for States
Rites and States Rites is dead. And
Democracy tied herself TO. all these