The evening Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1861-1871, 1865-11-17
A Spicy Letter from Bill Arp, of Alabama,
to Artemus Ward.

to Artemus Ward.
Mr.. Ar,emus Ward, Snowman:
Sur-Tne reesun / rite TO you in pertikler
are bekaus you are about the only man l
know in all Gods country" so called. For
sum seTral weeks have been wantin to say
sumthin. For seyral years we rebs. so called
but now late OF sed country deceased have
been tryin mighty hard to doc sumthin. We
didn't quite do ii; and now it's very paneful,
| assure you, to dry up Ii of a sudeD and
make out like we wasn't thar.
My friends, IL want to say sumthin. l sup
pose there is no law agin thinkin, but thInkin
don't help me. IL don't let down my Their
mometer. | must explode myself gradually
so as to feel better. You see I'm tryiu to
harmonise- I'm tryin to soften down nv
feeins-Im endeavorin to subjugate myself
to the level of surroundin circumstances, so
called. Bat | can't do it until Pm allowed
to say sumthin. | want 10 quarrel with
somebody ami then make friends Amt no
giant killer. | amt no Norwegian bar. |
amt no bOarconstrikter, but pll be hornswog-
gled If the talkin ana writin and slsuderin
has got to be all done on one side any longer
Sum OF you folks have got to dry up or turn
our folks loose. Its blamed outrage, so
called. Amt your editors got nuthin else to
do but to peck at US, aud to squib ct us. and
to crow over US? Is every man what can
write paragraf 10 consider Us as bars in a
cage. and be always iobbin st to hear
GrOwl? Now you see, my friend, that's
what's disharmonous and do you Jest tell
EN-, one and all. plHriJHs unUas. so called,
that If they don's stop II at once turn US
loose to say what We please, why We rebs so
called, have unanimously and Jointly several
ly resolved Toto think very hard oft, If not
harder.
That's the way 20 talk il. / amt agwine
to commit myself. | know when % put on
the brakes. | amt agwine To say all think,
like Mr.. Etheriige, or Nr.Ad7eriq. so called
Nary time. No. sir. But I'll Jest tell you
Artemus and you may tell your show: If
we ANT ali lowed to express our sentiments.
we can take it out in hGtiH: and hatin runs
heavy in my family, shure. | hated man
so bad once that ali the hsr cum off nv he'd
aud the man drowned hissef in q hogwaller
that night. | could DO il agin, bat you see
/ IN tryin to harmonic. to acquiesce, to BEGUN
cam aud screen.
New | suppose that, poetikally, speakin,
sin Dixey's fall
We sinned ALL"
But takin the way l see it, big Teller and
a little Teller, SO called, got into fife, and
they fout and fout. aud fout long time, and
every body all round KEEP bolIerin hands of
but ksp helpin the big Teller, until finally the
/ little feller caved IN and hollered enuff He
made bully fife | tell you Selah Well.
! what did the big Teller do? take him by the
/ hand and help him up, and brush the dirt off
his clothes? Nary tImel No sir But he
/ kicked him arteI he was down and throwd
| mud on HIM, and drug him about and rubbed
sand in his eyes, and now he's agwine about
huntin up his little property. Wants to con-
fskate, so called. Blame ny jacket. if it amt
| enuff to make your head swim.
| But I'm a good union man, so called.
aiut agwiue to fite no more. Ishant vote for
/ the next war. 1 amt no guerrilla I've dun
TUX the oath, and I'm gwine to keep il but
as for my being subj ugsted, and humilyated
and almalgamated, and enervated as Mr..
! Chase says, 1t, amt so-nary time. / amt
ashamed of nuthing, neither repentin, amt
akin for no one-hOrse short .winded pardon
Nobody needn't be playin priest around me.
| / amt got no twenty thousand dollars, Wish
l had I'd give it to these poor widers and
orfins. I'd fatteu my own numerous and in
! teresting offspring in about two minutes and
! q half They shouldn't eat roots and drink
brack water no longer. Poor, unfortunate
things. to cum into this subloonary world at
SIGH a time. There's four or five OF 'sm that
never seen q sircus nor a monkey show
never had a pocket kuife. nor q piece
Oh cneese, nor reeslD. lnere IL Dull
Run Arp. and Harpers Ferry Arp, and
Chickahominy Arp. that never seed the
pieters in spellin book. / tell you, nv
friend. we arc the poorest people on
the face of the earth - but we are Door
and proud. We made a bully iite, Seiah
and the whole Amerikin nation ought to feel
proud of it. 1t shows what Americans can
do when imposed on-''s0 called" Didn',
=, our fore fathers tite. bleed and die about a
little tax on tea. when not one IN thousand
drunk if Bekus they succeeded wasn't it
glory But if they hadn't suppose it would
have been treason, and they would have been
bowin and scrapin around King George for
pardon. Sc it goes .Artemus,aud to my mind
if the whole thing was stewed down, 1t would
make about pint of humbug. We had good
men. great men, christian men. who thought
we was right, and many of 'em have gone to
the undiscovered country and have got par