Evansville daily journal. (Evansville, Ind.) 1863-1866, 1865-12-13
Dte Aaitg 8naptsaI,
ENTHUSIASTICALLY DECEMBER Is
Iosh RIllings, Pontoon. - :


Josh BIlrings' PontO0n. - =
A large audience assembled at the
Musical Fund Hall, last week in Phila-
deIphia, to hear Josh Billings lecture,
or, as he called L, to witness the Clay
ing of his Pontoon" The lecture was
che fourth of the Press Club course.
Mr.. Shaw was introduced by E. W, G
Greene, ESQ, and at once proceeded
with his original and highly amusing ad-
dress, which was singular blending of
the broadesi fun. and the sagest philoso.
phy, and which kept his audience In
roars of laughter, throughout, the eEep-
ing. ia - ssNs'1SA \ a.
He knewAhat ittvas hard 10 be comic,
because everybody insisted on his vein
of hnmor Everybody could be- witty,
but few could be wise; therefore, he
knew ha would have harder road than
if he'were giving ponderous addurss,
Like thss old preacher who would first
speak of it, then, secondly, at it, and
thirdly, would scatter, he would scatter
In all aspects Of life putty and warm
ish had something to do Herewith. In
pills they are omnipotent; and so great
are pillssins request that now diseases
have to be invented to keep up with the
supply
Human happiness being en- interesting
subject, and never yet written up, he
had taken il up. Happiness consists in
not knowing il. The best way to be
happy is not to want anything unit you
have got ii, and then be saving of it.
Pudding and milk is good thing to
have, so one has not too much of it
Happiness does not consist so much Ia
what onefhas, as in what he does not
want The happiest person he knew.
was one who had no undertaking; but
he was made very unhappy by being
kindly gwen a new shirt, with which he
found fault because the collar was not
stsrched enough. Two'thirds of the
fun of sliding down the hill, is the draws
ing of the sled back afterwards. ~ u
His experiences. taught him the hight
of happiness was being unhappy aud
=. not knowing it. Philosophers had said
sgou canItmake whistle outIof a pig 9
ear, but he could ;any one could; though
it would Be pretty poor one after all,
Mczrying. for money Is like setting al
steel trapsand then batting itwish one 81
fingers i .aHs s4YgIs
The speeial sordaining he had been
through when q child He waited six
months and never gotta smell.f4 He de- |
termined to ordain himself, and took up |
farm Of eighty acres gave notice tct
the wild varmintsB to ieAVe, and after |
working FIVE years and securing light |
crops, he-left the farm and steers. He
concludei after other failures, that the
businesshe was intended for was not yet |
ordained1 But he had always kept bis
old friends by never asking them for
anytbingbut advice That is Something |
that everybody loves. 10 give because he
is no poorer for it.
He had had friend if the army who
was endeaYoring TO subdue q swamp by |
taking all the bilious fevers out of it,
who had advised him to become q tenn
persnce lecturer. But be could not do
SO, as al flesh was grass, and as he had
found ID necessary to- set up3his grass
once ard awhile With little old rye, he I
cit he was not so specially ordained.
.'iety is good; butswheR mans goes bed
hind the doofEon a Sunday With his bot
lie, hewitt do tbe better for watching !
during the week
Notbinr wAso more 1touehings in this
life than To Sec 4 poor but virtuousy young
haps there -iB Hoaschem devised that afEl
fords more IyroseeAionIa eainst dyiAg than
polieE-of lifa- insurance. Listen TO the
First Are Won male or feuale2 If
so, state how long you have 30 continued.
Secondly. Have you ever had fits,
and If soyniore thRn one at tiinsl and
1,hirdH Have you ever committed
suicide, and if so, how did you feel after
it2
He thoughtit,Ba somebody's duty to
give thanks for fools in the world, for if
there were none wise men could not
live e ~
Though young men crlticise the fig |
ures OF young ladies, yet if she had
forty thousand dollars, they think the
figure about right.
He was once asked If he believed in
the universal salvation of men2 he
said, 81 do. Let me pick the men,"
He had heared, "Put O. beggar on horses
back, and he gRould RI ae fol tho ldesil2t
This ia all right if the devil will send
back the horse. -
He beievedin feInals edncasion; pro-
yided she hankered after it. But man
! loves woman more if he does not have
to look up to and admire her Woman
loves most to have true mans heart; |
to have itvshs should not know more, or
elseyshou1d psetehd notAlto know more.
If this world dampens any woman ardor
he was willing to shed tears. Still he
had always found the areateet educated
women worked better in single harness.
He believed in giving good doctines in
sugar coated pills; they wash down bet /
ter and easier. WA9 EAIUpc ST
Sudden riches turn most people |
heads. Those people who groan when |
they are, .peorF vii make others grpan |
when tEey are rich. Shoddy and Petro- |
Ieum have much to0auswer for. You |
can tell the newly rich man by his read |
ing tha,newspaper,u upside, down; and his |
wife by the 81 900 shawl spotted with |
grease sand Mas boots, outside of No 7 4
feet 1t was no crime for a family to be !
rich, butricbes could not make a family |
genteel. Suddenly rich people are like
muIlataes; they find Fthemselyes above
what they started from and below what
Al tRia point be Would state that on.
ions were good5 for, q bad breath; that
sRockaway CLAIMS are considered good
opening for. any young man. that you
scannet I'd eEof "a mans religion by
what he says, any more than you can
Judge of the of his linen By the size
of his shirt collar. And lastly, he had
concluded that trying to get to heaven by
.mortifying the flesh was, ike riding to
millbaFebRek, with al hag6ef meal ON
ones head.
They are getting the fine arts perfectly
sSnov. One fslla1 M hshas painted
J a sorrel horse so perfectly that the hair
all comes of. Another has painted
dog so wsilotamt hioeSnerg has offered
$40 for it, and no questions asked. To
be an artist, cultivate your hair, and
criticize severely your friends paintings,
else folks will not knozEyoucare better
than, they ,aEesfisE Mn9 ,asagsa wra
He had looked into the philosophy OF
politensss, and found ii would take q
man where education and religion were
of no good usea ,peferepee2will win,
oftener than double SKIES Let man
have hisL own way, and when foa get 10
the forks Of the road he will take your
way. There are two kinds of politeness
, the right and the too much right po-
likeness Geese had this last sort, and
lowered their heads in passing an eight;
cen feet door. IF man does not study
much else, you viii find him holding an
umbrella over basket of cells in