The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1865-05-18
CONTENT AMIDST DIFFICULTY.

Inc pEeteuUSO reSlSuuSiOu VI Suo OOusu
under their recent revsrses is thus oapi-
tally taken off by Orpheus c. Kerr
The conservative Kentucky ehsp brings
upon the scene Capt. Munchsusen, who
is met by Capt. Bob Shorty:
Right behind him (ths conservative
Kentucky chap came remarkable being
attired in fragments Of grey cloth aud .
prodigions thicket of whiskers. through
the latter of which his eyes glared yel.
lowly, like the bottles in an apothscary's
shop, down the street. As hs approach.
ed nearer, he hastily put on . pair Of
partially dissected white cotton gloves,
and casually re.arrangcd the strip of car
pet binding which served him ~ full
dress cravat. .s u.. .>.... ...
"Yours, truly" said Capt. Bob Shorty.
"Vandal ~ hissed Capt. Munchsusen,
removing from his brow an unexampled
couglomeratiou of rags in the last stages
of cap, and handing it to faithful con-
traband who attended him.
"Why, then," said Capt. Bob Shorty,
doHing his own cap, and tucking up his
sleeves, "in the name Of the United
States of America, propose to move up.
on your works Immediately"
Aud now, my boy, do I particularly
lament my lack Of those uuspeakable in
tellectual gifts, which enable the more
refined reporters of all our excellent and
moral daily journals to describe the fstio
achievements of the noted Arkansas Mule
and celebrated Jersey Bantum in man
ner that delights every we'll conducted
breakfast table in the land, aud furnishes
exquisite reading for private families.
Forward hoped Capt. Bob Shorty -
though on springs; his elbows neatly
squared, his fists held up like couple Of
apples on sticks, and his head poised as
though it had just started to look round
a corner. With fists to match, and eyes
shining like tho bottoms of glass bottles,
the wary Munchaussn cuffles cautiously
back from him in half circle. Now
they make skips toward each other and
now they skip back. Anon an arm is
raised, aud Is pared; and then they
balance to partners, and then they hop
back.
was gazing at all this, my boy, in
speechless admiration, when suddenly
saw the dexter hand Of Captain Bob
Shorty pierce the enemy's lines, and ex.
plode with tremendous force on Nun.
chausen's nose. For q moment there
was sound Of Confsd.-.t. bl..Ph...yj
but in . moment the chivalrio Munchau.
sen was himself again.
"Ah" said Captain Bob Shorty. agree.
ably, "did you see tho Star. r.Spangled
Banner that time 2"
"Sir," said Munchausen, with tears in
his eyes, II am thankful that my nose Is
broken. 1t is . blessing; for had
nothing to smell with it, and only wasted
my strength in its special defense"
Here Captain Bob Shorty looked jovi-
ally at me, my boy, and says be: "By oil
that's Federal, amt he jolly
"Come on to thy ruin p roarsd Nun
chausen from his rapidly increasing nose;
and again tho battle ragged.
Now did Captain Bob Shorty side to
the left, with . view to fanking but
two colums Of the enemy met him there.
Next the agile Munehausen attempts, by
a quick turn, to take him in tho rear Of
his position; but finds . strong body of
five divisions buried upon his headqusr.
tcrs with an impetuos;ty that knocks out
half his teeth.
cart thou satisfied. Horatiol" said
Capt. Bob Shorty, with moro or less
Bowery theatre in bis manner.
An awful smile appeared upon what
were left of the features of Capt. Nun
ohausen. It was so full of scorn, you
know.
"Sir," said he, with much chivalry Of
bearing and some difficulty of utterance,
tiny jaw may be broken, but I thank fate
for it. It's long time since had any.
thing to eat with my mouth, and to de-
fend it at all was useless"
"Ha! ha! ha :" roared Captain Bob
Shorty. II really never did see any
thing so jolly"
"Madman" yelled Munchausep, "your
destruction is decided I"
Then were all the skips and hops re-
peated, my boy; with such ornamental
bits Of occasional fine art as the refined
reporters of our excellent moral daily
journals love to dwell fondly upon. We're
but such a reporter, I would describe
the scene in way to make you take il
home to your children. But let me not
waste timo in lamsntation for just then,
a something fell upon the right eye Of
Captain Munchausen, and efFsctually
closed it for week.
"Ah !" said Capt. Bob Shorty, pleas
antly, "did you count the stars upon our
Flag that time, my grayback ?"
"Sir," retorted Munchausen, stagger.
ing about, and wildly pulling handfulls
OF imporceptible hair out Of invisible
heads in the air. ri consider the loss Of
that eye blessing in disguise, for I can
now concentrate my whole strength on
the other"
swell, now, really" said Capt. Bob
Shorty; Greatly, you know, I never saw
anything half so'joly."
"Extermination is now your doom !"
howled the Confederacy, reeling delibcr.