Daily Ohio statesman. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1855-1870, 1865-08-01
05lo Statesman.
NICHOLAS DUNKS;
Or, Fried N1ackerel for Dinner.
LFrom Blackwood's Magazine.1

lCONTIkUED.I
sEIf I were to say what / should really
like to have for dinner" replied Nicholas
In answer to his wife's question upon the
subject, sit would be fried mackerel,"
smacking his lips as he spoke. ...
''Then that's just what you won't have"
said Mrs. Dunks, as sharp as northeast
wind. .... .r.... .. ...
NHumphp " quoth Nicholas. .,e.t ....
GAY! and humph again y responded his
better half. 'I've other fish to fry to-day,
that can tell you."
"Then why did you ask me?" said Nicho-
las.
because / was fool. I might have
known you would be sure to give all the
trouble you can on washing-day."
''Humph!" quoth Nicholas again, as he
took his hat off the nail, brushed it with
the cuff of his coat, and clapped it on his
head with the air of man determined to
have his own way.
"Where are you going now?" said Mrs.
Dunks. -.r.. ... ..
"To get fried mackerel for dinner" re-
piled Nicholas, marching out of the room,
erect of body and resolute of soul. ..H q. ..
Nicholas was right. A man is no man
who cannot have fried mackerel when he
has set his heart upon it; and more especial
ly when he has money in his pocket to pay
for it. Nicholas Dunks was a tailor-a cir
cumstance which makes the assertion OF his
prerogative in the way we have seen the
more remarkable; except that tailors are
proverbial for their love of good living. He
was forty; his wife forty-two. He peace
able man-she cantankerous little body;
he sober and industrious-she generally in
clined to tipple, and always inclined to be
idle. He, first lord of the treasury-she,
one of the tellers of the eXchequer, If ever
he went to bed without first counting his
money. They had been married six weeks
only six weeks-n0 more; but (oh! shame
to welded life y this was, at least, the six
teenth time Nicholas had found it necessary
to put on his hat and walk abroad i'll search
of domestic bliss.
On the present occasion, however, he
first went in search of his mackerel, and
then in search of the Blue Posts, house OF
call for his tribe, where he medltated hav-
ing it fried. Mrs. Dunks, as soon as the
door closed, flounced into the back kitchen,
muttering unheard-of vengeance when he
came home, and began her dab wash. Mis-
erable woman! she little dreampt of all the
disastrous consequences of refusing to fry
his mackerel. But we must not anticipate.
The tap-room clock had just struck two
as Nicholas set down to one OF the finest
mackerel he had ever clapped eyes on, and
fried to perfection. BY the side of 1t stood
foaming tankard of porter, inviting his
lips to taste the refreshing draught. He
yielded to the soft persuasion, and saw the
bottom of the pot before he put it down
again.
That's the way to spoil your fish, sir, y
said ruddy- faced man with merry twink
ling eye, who was seated at an opposite
table. ..
81 don't think So" replied Nicholas. "It
will have something to swim in"
"Are you fond of mackerel?"
"Very," responded Nicholas, handling his
knife and fork, and preparing to cut the one
before him into two equal parts. ~.
"fhen take my advice, and begin at the
tail or as sure as my names Jenkins, you'll
wish you had" H' ....-
Nicholas paused. 1t was very odd, he
thought, what could make Mr.. Jenkins
trouble himself about his mackerel; and,
for his part he had never heard before OF
beginning at the tail. However, >as there
might be something in it, he prepared to
cut off the tail.
''Not that way!" exclaimed jenkins,
starting up. ....trl .... T..
BY this time the mackerel were getting
cold, and Nicholas hot. He looked at Mr.,
jenkins as if he would thank him to mind
his own business, and let him eat his mack
erel as he liked. .ieu
'.Not that way" repeated Jenkins; don't
cut the tail of, but slide your knife under,
and pass it up gently to his head"
"Ohp said Nicholas, doing as he was di-
rected, still thinking there might be some
reason for it. -
''Now," continued Jenkins, seeing him
oh RI hanip .shnfOrn unu nrnppp1 further
let me give you second advice"
''What's that?n quoth Nicholas.
"Another time don't let anybody per-
suade you, that you don't know how to eat
a mackerel. That's all. Go on, sir, and
wish you good Appetite" .-l.-
Nicholas laid down his knife and fork
and staring tiercely at Mr.. Jenkins, he eX-
claimed: '.For half farthing I'd make
you eat 1t, and begin with the head instead
of the tail, you trumpery fellow. Mind
your own business, will your
81 am minding it," answered Mr.. Jenk-
ins, with provoking GOODNESS. rL...
mo, you are not; you are interfering
with me; and, if you don't take care, III
soon let you know that you had better
leave me alone" .H -.. 10.
'EMy business" said Jenkins, laughing as
he spoke, sis to amuse myself with the
SlIn npleJOue VI Uillo WOllN, NY uiahtnsi 1iCui
fall out with themselves. Pray, 60 on
with your dinner" .l..-. .u,..... ..-.
mo, l WON'T" answered Nicholas, still
have given you bit of advice, in return
for that which youhave just given me-" Al
these words he rose from his seat, crossed
the room towards where Jenkins was sit
ting, and standing opposite to him, said,
''My advice, MIR. Jenkins, is this, that you
make yourself scarce. Vanish, Mr.. Jenk-
ins, or I'll knock that jolter-head OF yours
against the wall till it shall ache again.
Try" said Jenkins, keeping his seat. G
Nicholas turned up his cuffs and drew
nearer. Mr.. Jenkins laughed. . /. iy.
"Take that" exclaimed Nicholas, aim
ing desperate blow at his face. Mr.. Jenk-
ins duclled his head, Nicholas Knocked the
skin off his knuckles against the wall. ,.
A scuffie ensued. Jenkins seized hold of
Nicholas by the collar. Nicholas twined
his arms round Jenkins to put him out of
the room. They hauled and tugged at
each other tor several minuets; at last they
both rolled upon the floor, upsetting the
table on which was placed Nicholas din
-ner; and now mackerel, bread, porter, melt
ed butter, vinegar, mustard, plates and
dishes, lay around them, confusion worse
confounded." bur IHi1 3. p15egulsgq yU.
The landlord of the Blue Posts made his
appearance and separated the combatants.
-"What does all this mean?" said he; 'you
have been at your tricks again, Isuppose," "
he continued, addressing jenkins, who
laughed immoderately as he surveyed the
wreck OF eatables strewn upon the sanded
floor.
"His tricksp'} exclaimed Nicholas, ex-