The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1865-02-13

hltnSeH SWm0ieos he IS, therefore, not
prepared to take a very hopeful view of
public affairs.
Mr.. Snooks, for example, though he
has never been below to inspect the bal
last, is Of opinion that the Confederate
ship carries too much sail and careens
awfully. He is always rode by Yankee
Doodle-now in the shape of q gunboat :;
now in the shape. of raiders horse, q
very pretty kind of nightmare to gen.
tleman Of weak nerves; and pow of q
halter. He proposes to consider him
self enslaved to the Yankees-destined
to become the personal property of q
lank man, attached to long nose, and
to hoe his corn or drive his chariot,
whilst Mrs. Snooks does the cooking in
the kitchen. The ears of Snooks are
always pricked up to hear if any Con-
federate town or garrison has fallen, in
which case he INDUCES himself in an
entertainment of profound despair. A
perfect luxury of woe was the fall of
New Orleans, only surpassed by that Of
VicksbYrg. Then the falling back Of
Lee from Gettysburg, Of Johnston to
Atlanta-never was anything so glo-
riously melancholy. Snooks thinks of
commemorating these performances by
falling back himself from third-story
window, leaving forever land where
the coffee is Of rye, and the tea is the
only thing that does not smell of gun
powder. "Isn't there something" he
exclai1ns, in the bitterness of his soul,
"that will never fall?" Rejoice, oh
disconsolate mortal, there is. Beef and
bacon, bread and clothing, rent and ser
wants hire, fuel and whiskey, will never
fall" not till the last arm'd foe ex-
pires but rise victorious over all the
ills of human life. Snooks begins to
inquire about Mexico, what advan-
tages it offers to a man of modes
rate enterprise, and whether Maximil-
ian would be likely to interfere with
his liberty of person, or the Roman
Catholic Church with his freedom of
conscience. For the present, however,
he concludes to retire to the country, one
of whose eligible. rural seats he finds in
the illuminated columns of an auc-
tioneer's advertisement: commodious
mansion, productive grounds, orchards of
apple and peach. never-failing springs,
oak groves, salubrious atmosphere, and
a refined and intelligent neighborhood.
All! here is q Paradise. The terms
moderate! "What a fool the owner is
to sell out! Going into the army,
suppose" Well, here Mr.. Snooks will
retire from wars alarms, dusty streets
and muddy hydrant water. No high
prices, no city taxes, no Mcclellan and
Grant deepening the blue of the horizon
and shelling you like an oyster. There
Snooks will cut his own wood, and raise
his own bacon. A green oasis in the
desert; and the proprietor greener still
70 part for small sum with such an
Eden. Alas, for the vanity of human
expectations. Snooks has scarcely be-
gun to enjoy his new possessions, and is,
perhaps, some calm, moonlight night,
sitting on his porch and contemplating
the beauties of nature, plying, from the
bottom of his soul, the poor, crowded
denizens of cities, when q neighbor
dashes up on horseback. 1.-The Yankees
are coming" Before he has recovered
from the incredible and stunning intelli-
gence, aerowd of blue-coats, mounted
on flying chargers, rush up his lawn,
trample down his wife's flowers ask
him if he has not got a Government
contract and do not believe him when
he says no; inquire if he voted for Sc
cession, and does not he wish he had not.
Men of all nations abuse him in the Ian
guage of their various countries, and
prove the universal brotherhood of
the race by uniting to steal everything
they can lay hands on. Irishmen
break his crockery, Germans curse him
for dissolving the glorious Union, colo
nels of cavalry take his watch, Chinese
catch his Shanghais, Dutchmen eat his
cabbage, negroes damn his eyes, and
members of Young Mems Christian As
sociations steal his family Bible. Sidney