Evansville daily journal. (Evansville, Ind.) 1863-1866, 1865-02-24


4 be vent on bis way rejoicing.
However, bis Jokes did not always
terminate so happily. de stepped into |
the store Of a Dir. Dampman, and asked !
o1e Of the clerks to weigh him 8 pound
Of tea.
We dop's sell groceries. was ths
remark
80 What tken, asked 40. with sim
pie stsre7
a" Dry goods, was the curt reply.
+" What exclaimed Abe. affecting
astonlshment, Damp man protesting
70 sell dry goods
:" Young man, said the proprietor,
selling him BY the arm and pushing him
toward the door, you had best leave
right oil, or may turn you into 3 piece
Of damp goods BY tossing you into tbe
guttsrf
Abe needed no second bidding, ous
speedily heightened the distance De-
tween himself and the rate Dampman.
mot long after that he called upon an
old cobbler, and informed that person
that he wayswanted at a certain brok.
er's Office The old fellow FASTENED to
the place named, bus no one there seem
ed 70 be aware that be vas needed
Abraham, who was outside. now came
Harvard aud addressed the broker And
bis attendant thus
$ Gentlemen, saw you VERY busy ia
packing mp gold, silver and pennies,
and Il occurred to me that you
might require aid; 50 | made bold to
send this man % yon, As most suitable
person, for be is psnnypacker
Before the laugh had subsidized Abe
was around the corner. He had grown
cautious since that threat Of Dampmau,
the dry goods man.
he once remarked 10 a friend that
their mutual acquaintance, Mrs. Havish.
man, never wore a real diamond ring
although her husband vas q miIlionaire
Why not7" asked the other.
Because abe is bound 10 Havisham, y
(hAve sham
"He entered a pawnbroksr's shop ons
/ evening, and offered q ten dollar watch
ia pawn and asked twelve on it. The
broker examined 1t and offered two anc
a half
'Yonr sign made me drop in, SAID
Abe and / expected TO have q fns
thing 0ut Of you, because you are Z. z
Jseobs-nuthing easy about you
AS our joker stepped out he hears
the man muttering a word that wouIs
rhyme with lamb lhe broker being svi
IDENTIFY angry had grown pFofane
Once he noticed q sign hanging ut
door reading Miss C. Mann, Dressmaker
lie took Il down and altered il so a. Il
read, Wanted, Man Dressmaker.
ABE had lady friend who marriss
q man named Matthias ElEood Husband
He once remarked to her.
u should Judge, Mrs Husband, tina
you we're not very hard TO please in se
Letting partner for life
4" What makes You think so. she ask
ed, half angry.
" Because yen we're satisfied will
! \. +. Husband, replied Abe. But ID,
lady required a full explanation bsfor,
she would be paoified.
He once incurred the displeasure o
friend By remarking-
Sir Ball, am surprised 70 lear
that, in spite OF yenr we'll known, ssron,
kuow-nolhing proclivities. you have mar
ried an Emma Grant
Mr.. Abraham s. Sleeper came neA
Being knocked down one day by : mai
on whom he called, saying
I've heard that celebrated oculis
has just arrived la town, and ia advia
you 10 call on bin; be NAV uossibl
render you essential service, If not 81
feetnally enre Jon Of your unpleaaan
| intirmityls
There's nothing the matter with m,
eyes, said The man ia astonishment.
Then take down your sign" sal,
Abe, for | am sure BY il you acknowl
edge 70 be cFoss.eyed "
The sign read, i. s. Quint
by timely duck Of the head. GU
hero escaped being knocked into ID,
gutter.
Only week ago he advised q lad,
friend not TO walk along the street dur
ing the day if she would avoid being an
noyed
why, what have to fearg asked
she.
Because, replied Abe, with q grin,
/ you know the city authorities have o
late shamefully neglected their duties
which has resulted in the accumulation
/ OF piles of ashes in the streets. And
should the folks see you promenadine
along, they would besss you with al
| manner Of vessels filed with ashes. en-
peeting you TO take them away.
What on earth do you meant asked
the lady, in supreme assonishment
Because You are Ann Ashmau,
was tbs reply
!" At another time he electrified /,
tailor, named Owen, by remarking:
Why, are you never out of debt7
Mr.. Sleeper, replied tie taller
what do you mean; | do not owe !
penny
"'Yet you are Owen, the tailor. re-.
piled Abe, with laugh. #g
Again, be said to person he pre-
sumed would never reach . ripe old age
aud being asked why he though 90. bs
replied, Because you win always 10 .
Green-msn.'
"A man was once committed 10 prison
tor shamesuliy beating another Abe
remarked that this was the FIRST instance
ne ever knew Of 8 person being impris-
oned for beating A. Drumn.
The last joke he uttered vas a nun
on his own name. be was on his death
bed, when be called to friend and said:
| am not an Irishman, but promise
me to observe the custom Of that coun-
try after | am no more, have ioIly
wake over my body.
Why do You make such strange
reqaess2 asked all who heard il.
Because il isthe most natural thing
N the world to wake A. Sleeper, Was
his reply
AEEnTH