Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1865-09-21

| An Irishman was indicted at the ASST
yes at Tralee for felony His innocence wal
clearly proved, but Notwithstanding that thu
jury found him guilty. The judge wal
| shocked, and said:
"Gentlemen, the prisoners innocence wa.
/! clearly proved"
EYES," said the foreman, she is innocent
of the crime now charged against him, but
| he stole my gray mare last Christmas"
"A very loquaoious lady offered to be.
| her husband five pounds that she would not
speak word for week. "Done," cried the
delighted husband, instantly puttiag down
his money, which the lady as quickly took
! up and put in her pocket observing naively
| that she would secure it until the bet was
decided. "Why," said the husband, 'Pve
won it already and required her to fork
over. ''Not at all, +" said the lady, ''you are
| mistaken in the time; moan the week after
am buried" The lady went shopping the
same afternoon.
If wine Ia poison, so is tea
Only in another shape;
What matter whether one is kd
BY canister or grape?
1t has been satisfactorily ascertained
! that ducks enter the water for dsSers reasons
and come out for s@n-dyy motives.
"A darkey's instructions for putting on
q coat were: "Fust de right arm, den de
left, den give enc general conwulsion.'
At hotel one day, boarder remark
ed to his neighbor, This must be healthy
place fer chickens" "Why." asked the
hereabout."
-''Wby Bridget said lady who wish
ed TO rally her servant girl for the amuse-
ment of the company on the fantastic orna-
| mentation of huge pie, ''did you do this
! you are quite an artist; pray how did you
do it 2" 'Indade mum, did it meself-
amt il pretty? l did it with your old false
teeth, num-
Now Aa8 is word that may often be joined
For that that may be doubled, 10 clear to the mind;
And that that that Is right Is as plain to the view,
AS that that that haat we use Ii rightly assd too;
And that that that that Nat line has, Is right
In accordance with grammar, is plain to our sight.
"A wide awake minisi err, who found his
congregation going to sleep one morning
before he had fairly commenced after
preaching few minutes, suddenly stopped
and exclaimed: Brethren, this isn't fair
it isn't giving man half a chance. Wait
till get along piece, and then if l ain't
worth listening to, 60 to sleep; but don'i
do it before get commenced; give man
a chance"
--s'W ont that boa constructor bite me p
said little boy to a Snowman.
'No my boy, he never btes-he swallows
his whites whole"
-"What is the use Of the eclipse ?" ask
ed q Young lady.
ooh it gives the sun time for reflection
replied q wag.
A little girl said "Mother is Tom o
good cat ?"
eyes
"Well, he'll go to heaven, won't he ?''
81 suppose so, but if you're not q better
girl, you'll never go there"
'sOh |" said the little girl, ''T'll hold on
| to Toms tall
The papers state that somebody has
been chipping pieces off the monumental
bust of Bunyan What Of it, Destroying
banioa must of course, be great help to
the pilgrim 8 progress
-"Sam are you one Of the Southern chiv-
airy? s'No, massa, rs one OBJ de South
ern shopel,y, l shoveled dirt at the Dutch
Gap Canal"
An i'll looking fellow was asked how he
could account for natures forming him sc
ugly. "Nature was not to blame" said he
| ''for when was three years old, was CON
| sidered the handsomest child in the neigh.
| borhood, but my nurse. to revenge herself
on my parents for some fancied injury al
their hands, one day snapped me array foi
another child belonging to friend of hers
whose baby was rather plain looking"
What conundrums are always at home
| Those that are never found out.
81 say Tom, isn't it lucky that fellows
| eyes ara crooked!"
"Why so"
because if they were . match, his RED
nose would set them ON fire.
--'sCome to Ameriky," writes son Of
the Emerald Isle 10 his friend in Ireland:
''Tis a fine country to get living IN. AL
we have to do is to get three cornered box
and fill it wild brick and thin carry it up te
| the top of a four story building and the
man at the top does all the work.
Why is it impossible for a person who
! lisps to believe in the existence Of young
| ladies'? Because he takes every Miss to be
| a Myth,
81 don't miss my church SO much az
you may suppose" said lady to her min
lister, who called upon her during her illness
''for mako Betsy sit at the window as soor
as the bell begins to chime, and she tells nt
who are going to church, and whether they
have got anything new"
- Ohm H. Surratt, one Of the assasslns o.
President Lincoln, when last heard OF, was
at monastary in Canada
-Barnum, while travelling on board one
| of our river steamers where they feed you
/ for moderate outlay, (seventy cents
a meal) very sumptuously, but the portions
! supplied are usually Of microscopic dimen'
sions, called for beef steak at tea time
! The waiter brought him the usual little
shrivelei mite Of broiled flesh, certainly not
more than enough for two mouthfuls. Bar.
| mum poised the u.orsel on fork, scanned
it critically as though it were sample OF
steak subjected to his irspe ction, and then
! returned it to the waiter, saying, eyes, that
is what | mean--bring me some Of that"
"A shoemaker was the other day fitting
a customer with pair Of boots, when the
buyer observed that be had only one fault
to find with them, and that was that the
soles were too thick ''If that is all, re-
piled Crispin, "put on the boots. and the
objection will gradually @ear array :"
An important adjunct Of the Naval
School, monitor.