The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1865-09-22
Friday Morning, Sept. 20, 1866.
HOUSE WITH ALI THE MODERN
a5lg sfsyla OONvENIENCEs. u g


He furnished pork for the Western Depart
ment, and OF course he got rich by it,. AT the
7so end OF two years OF that kind of business, he
found himself worth a half million fsE
A-a a People began to call him Mr.. Pollard, in
stead of Old Pollard, and sleek men in white
sauoJ neckcloths called upon him with long subscrt-
ion papers. .ucis0a g1
Mrs Pollard had discovered her importance
some time previously. Dry goods clerks held
~ open doors for her now, who, three years be-
- fore, would have seen her drop dozen par
GELS in the mud and shut the skirt Of her dress
- 4 into the door forty times without coming to
the rescue. She was consulted about sewing
societies, and appealed to inbehalf of foreign
{ missions, and Bible Societies, and Sanitary
Comsslous; and her opinion was quoted
among her friends as we quote from the stat
,. ute book.
q $500 Mrs. Pollard awoke suddenly 10 the know
ledge that it lily became their altered circum-
stances to live in a one-story wooden house,
= IN remote part of the city, with none of the
conveniences and improvements. They owed it
~ TO the children, she said, to inhabit house
with all the modern conveniencies, and see
something of the world.
'-1'S Nehemiah fingered his greenbanks looked
wise and conceded. So house was taken.
It would be tedious to relate all the partcu-
lars of the furnishing, much off which was
sl1l5 done by contract The house was large and
commodious There was alibrary conservatory
parlor, drawing-room, dining hall and modern
IA. kitchen 1t was heated with furnace, light
ed with gas; there was dumb waiter, spring
ILs
j house with all the modern conVeniecies.
The library was stocked by stationer, who
received orders. To be sure, the books were
II well boun,s and mostly in red backs. The
.clIks conservatory was filed by a florist. and
Mrs. Pollard stipulated that there should be
plenty OF holyhocks, and poppies. e
.Ifa When all was ready, the family moved in
Mrs. Pollard sailed about the grand rooms like
queen; but her husband looked absolutely
frightened as he surveyed the premises.
by goLy, PoflyP he exclaimed, if this ere
ainJ nttle too line for us. feel like cat in
astranLe garret. Yes, BY gollyl like two cats
There's dozen things here that don't know
the names Of What's them gilt things stuck
o.r up in the corner, with bareleggcd children
81. with goose wings on their backs {? Isl
Land sakes, Mr. Pollard thems cornishes
and the pigeons is angles. And you'll oblige
me by calling me Margaret in FUTURE
tsss Why, didn't know that was your name,'
II cried Mr.. Pollard, In wonder.
- Peggy is the vulgar of Margaret, SIR
sShOl well, / declared Live and larnp
DO take your feet off that ottoman and
mi don't lean your head against that paper lang
4' ings. Like enough it's greasy
-IE & n :Shoudn't wonder; pork packing is rather
greasy business Y EH3 W
gtep sMr. Pollard, ii you'll never allude to your
business again I'll be thankful It is vulgar to
bring home your shop with YOU
why, who has brought one home?
isTssrta. DO be careful, MIR. Pollard. + Y You have
-- l smashed the varnish off from that teaty-teata
q . and now yop are bobbing your head against
Tn go to bed; that's what ri do, and see if
.rcsa can't have some peace. hain't allowed to
touch nothing here fH q eeszfH .e.e
,sxlczgo Mr.. Pollard put his threat into execution
but his wife followed him closely to the stairs.
s mind the stair carpet, Mr. PoIlard-there /
hemmed it = she cried, asNeheIniah caught his
foot IN The binding, stumbled and fell entirely
to the foot of the stairs, breaking the hallglass
aig8a and tearing his coat tail entirely off He pick
ed himself up with muttered expression, and
gained his chamber. The servant had already
lighted the gas, and opened the register. r.
e9t sCreationl cried Mr.. Pollard, it's hotter than
the tropics. How do you fix this darned thing
- to cool it offY
don't know cried she, 4 viii ring for
Jane, ~ H 81 s..r..5 T.s.g ssofs y
.tiae deuce you viii, said Mr.. Pollard, ganc-
ing at his scant attire; you go to bed. I'll set
the sink over the hole, and that will keep the
'-a9A heat out all right n e, sfA--,s
Put out the gas said his wife from the bed
Put out the diekensp cried her husband
angriy; here Eve blowed and blowed till am
ut to burst, and the coniounded thing only
dances the faster Il can't snuff out neither
-seaW wouldn't give tallow dip for a million of
s--r these quigges.' ss9qs9 = ar 7sF9 s5ll B
~ Turn it Off advises Mrs Pollard
Turn il, indeed where turn It to. L wonder?
Hal I've done it t;Fve switched it out with my
.S1N Bleeve."tlfkA N@Hf1 .&8ENtt -
wal, don't get into bed with your hands
1t is such a convenience. n 80.
Jupiter Ammon ! I've took the skin offfrom
= that hand Why, the waters bilin' m t1v
the cod-hy zounds ! how it smarts! and NUT
~a tering to himself M Pollard completed his
abuton and got into bed.
q, Some time In the night Mrs. Pollard awoke
She felt damp and chilly. She put her hand
III out, and felt only water, naa
. Lord have mercy screamed she, wake up
Miahl there's a food. 1t has got clear up IN
the chamber, and we shall all be drownded to
2 2 2 death Git up and light light, quiekr
Mr.. Pollard jumped out and then in again,
propelled by vigorous kick from his better
va What in creation is it? cried he, dashing
about IN the vain attempt to find his clothes,
An, ali, it's just struck mel didnt fix that
Materspout right after washed my hands,
etIi ;, tsnlsiuper couldn't stop it from running
- Contound the convenience. Wal, can find
my, my way; III 60 down to the kitchen and get
pau and bail us OUT
he reached the top Of the stairs in safety.
and brought up on his head in the hall heo,gy'
which felt as though whole cotton factory
had set up its machinery inside 'i- Of it ''''O'y
Directly he recovered himself and proeoed-
cOd nd % tie ps and tunsd nSaf n oto the Kitchen
door was fast. He pulled and fie,eJ Ii T. ..' nne
all his might, but only wasted his siren :, I'tu
Then he remembered that all the doors i1 tl,o
house had spring locks, and he had neoiootS ..,
to take out the key when he came in, $500 "a of
course he was prisoner.
= Pollard was mad. 1t was quite bad enough
to be wet through without prospect of get
Fng lmmedlaIeIY uI@euJ U4t 70 stand tnere on
Ia. January night, with no garment but his
Lb robe de uuit, he halloed and kicked, and bang
ed among the pots and kettles and tin pans
He shouted murder! and thieves at the top
Ibis voice, and knocked his legs most wretch
ediy against the range Maddened by the
~ pam, ne seized the poker and few at the
ys7s1- ersvea windows, through which he soon had
hole large enough to shout murder out Of
n IN a. q moment policeman's rattle was heard,
outside the window. = ''AA' ~
wbat bsiseS AZ yaa US row. inquired the policeman
- at this time Of nighty SA'ns Up sucn A'0w
-, Pollard thsew kettle-full Of apple-sauce at
hls head hgt tho grating prevented Il from
4
-, Desperate fellow inside tberep ,r,,.4...s.
& the policeman. 1t Is best to he
might get into difficulty, = 'aa'io'.s' we
s- let me outl orrn be tie death Of the whole