The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1865-08-01
HOW DAD ACTED HOSS
BY SUI LuvENeooD, OF TENNESSEE.

What killed poor old Ticky Tail. SUIT 2
said All anxious inquirer.
Why. nuthin', you tarnal fool; he jist
died-died standin' up, at that. Warn't
that good pluck Frozen stiff; no not
that adzackly, but starved fust, and froze
afterwards, so stiff that when dad and
me pushed him over, he jist stuck out so,
spreading his arms and legs,) like car
penter's bench, and we waited seventeen
days tor. him to thaw afore we could
skin him. Well there we was-dad and
me--(counting his fngers) Dad an me,
Saland Jake, (fool Jake we used to call
him, for short,) and Phineas, and Simon
aud Jonas, and Charlotttean, and Calline
Jane, Cashus Henry Clay, and Noah Dan
Webster, and me and the twin gals, and
Cathrun second, and CleOpatry Anthony,
and Jane Lind, and Tom Bullion, and
the baby, and the prospect, and marin
herself, all without any boss to draw
with. That was nice mess for Spec
table family to be slashin' about in,
warn't it / be derned If | didn't feel
like stealth boss sometimes. Well, we
waited and rested, and waited till well
in strawberry time, hopin' some stray
boss mout come along, but dog my cats
if eny such luck as that comes whar dad
is, he's so drafted mean, and lazy, and
ugly, and savage, and trihn'.
Well, one night, dad he lay awake all
night snortin' and rollin' and a whis-
perrin at marin, and next mornin' says
he 'Sut I'll tell you what we'll do; I'll
be boss myself, and pull the plow. while
you drive me, and we'll break up corn
ground, and then the old quilt CHATS
marm) and the brats kin plant it or let
it alone, jist as they d-m please So
out we goes to the papaw thickct and
peeled right smart chance of bark, and
marm and me made gears for dad, and
they become him nightly; then he would
Lave bride so / gifts an old umbrella
what found-it's "a little forked piece
Oi iron. sorter like unto pitchfork, you
know and we beat and twisted it sOrteT
into bride bit, small shape dad wan
ted kurb, as he said he hadn't worked
for some time, and might feel his oats
and go to oayortin'.) Well, when we got
the bride all fixed on dad he chomped
lie bit jst like rale boss; Che alters
vas a most complicated burned fool cny-
wand marin alters said so when he
warnt about,) then l put OH the gears
and out dad and me goes to the field,
ieadin' dad by the bride, and .totin' the
the gopher pillow on my back. When We
come to the fence, let down gap and
made dad mad, lie wanted to jump the
fence on all tours, boss way. j hitched
him on to the gopher, and away we went,
dad leanin' forward to his pulln' right
peart, and we made sharp plowin', dad
goin' right over the bushes and sprouts,
same as rale boss, the only difference is
he went on two legs,
Presently We come to a sassafras
patch, and dad, to keep up his character
as boss bulged square into it, and tore
down hornets nest nigh unto as big us
hoss's head, and all the tribe kivered
him right strate. He Jared aud kicked
once or twice, and fetched squeal wuss
nor any boss in the district, and sol in
runpin away jist as material as you ever
seed. ! let go the lines, aud hollercd
woa, dad woa but you mout as well
have said woa 70 locomotive. Gewhil-
hkins, how he run When he come to
bush, he'd clear the top of it gopher
and all; p'raps he thought there mout
be another settlement of bald hornets in
1T, and that is was safer to GO over than
through, and quicker done; every nov
and then he'd paw one side OF his head
with fnst one fore leg and then t'other,
and then he gin hisself an open handed
clap, that sounded like whip, and run
MIN all the time, and kerrien' that CO.
pher about as fast and high from the
yearth as ever gopher was carried, !
Swar. When he come to the fence, lie
bursted through it, tearing down nigh
unto seven pannels scatterin' the rales
nightly, and here he left the gopher,
gears, slngletree and klevis, all luixed
up and not worth a burned. Most of
his shirt stuck on to the .splintered
end Of rale, and nigh unto a pint of
hornets staid with the shirt 4 stingin'
il all over the balance OH EN- about
gallon and hall kept on with dad He
seemed to run adzactly as fast as hor
net could ny, for it were the tichtest
race l ever did see. Down through the
grass they all went, the hornets maxim
it look sorter like smoke around dads
head, and he with nothin' on but a bri.
die and nigh onto a yard of plow-line
sailin' behind him.
seed now that he was amin for the
swimmin' hole in the creek where the
bluff is over twenty feet perpendicular
to the water, aud the water is nigh
onto twenty-five feet deep. To keep up
his karacter as boss, when he cot to the
6lnif he jist leaped off, or rather kept on
runnin'. Kersplunge into the creek he
went; !seed the water fly plum above
the bluff from whar I was Now riobt
thar, boys, he over did the thing. if that
war what he was arter, for there's nary
boss ever folded burned fool enough to
leap over SIGH a place. cussed mule
mout have done it, but dad warn't ac-
tin mule I krept up to the edge and
looked over, thar war old dads bald
head, for all the world like peeled on
ion, a bobbin' up and down, and the hor-
nets sailin and circlin', turkey buzzard
fashion, and every once in while one
and sometimes ten would make dip at
dads head. He kept up right peart
Iodging underi Sometimes they'd hit
him, and sometimes they'd hit the water,
and the water was kivered with drown
ded hornets. What on yearth are you
doin' thar dad sez l.. Don't (dip) you see
them internal varmints dip after me 2
What, says /, them are boss flies thar;
.-tI r