Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1865-09-07

Stael. and my left hand TO the madam yonder.
eyes. but suppose only one of Us could be
saved. which would you attempt to rescue q
Talleyrands diplomacy was pushed to ITS
severest test but not one whit discompoSed he
turned 70 Madam de Stael, aud replied Ma
dam, YOU who know So many things doubtless
know how TO swim.
A WrrrY MoTHER.-ln one Of the courts
atHartford, Connecticut, recently, woman was
testifying in behalf of her son, and swore chat
he worked on a farm ever since he was born.
The lawyer, who. cry4s questioned her, said,
"'You assert that your son has worked on Alarm
ever since he was born % q do" What did
he do the first year2 "He MIXED, she replied.
The whole court laughed heartily, and the
witness was questioned no further.
ARMY CHAPLAIN AND CoSTRABAND.-Chap-
lain, MY young colored friend can you read %
AYES sahl"
"Glad to hearit Shall I give you paper q
"Sartin, massa, if you please"
every good What paperwould youchoose p
'WelI massa, you cbews III take a pa
per Oh terbacker"
The chaplain lookedat the contraband and
the contraband looked at the chaplain, then
the latter sighed and passed on.
A lawyer built himself an Office in the form
of hexagon, or SIX square The novelty of
the structure attracted the attention of some
lriShmen who were passing by, they made a
full stopand viewed the building very CT ,cally
The lawyer mewi1 t 'iscvsta1 80 the'r curl
oSlty lifted Up t Window rct s bead out
and addressed them
"Why d. you sand .are iEe pack o..
blockheads gazing at my oaice? Doyou take
it for a church I?
"Faix, answered one Of them. Il was think
ing so till saw the devil poke his head out Of
the window
A Coon SrATIoN,-A German Presiding
Elder after serving in his office ten years. told
the Confere-ce hcvas Glad his term aal ex-
pired. Says be
Il want to be among mJ brethren. and bese
Wiling TO take any work tae Lord or Bishop
may give me, but wants it to be a cute Sta
ton l'
OF course he brought down the house.
MA country gentleman, walking in his
garden, saw his gardner asleep in the arbor.
''What you idle dog, asleep?' said the mas
ter. "You are not worthy that the sun should
shine on your Il am truly sensible Of my
unworthiness," answered the man, "and there
fore laid myself down in the shade"
rs AnIrishman who was very near-sg lighted,
about to fight a duel, insisted that he should
stand six PAGES nearer his antagonist than the
other did to him, and that they were both 20
fire at the same time.
Bsa-A gentleman having been asked on his
return from a party the other evening, if
he had seen Miss A.. young lady noted
for her low-necked style Of dress-replied, he
'had seen a good de0l Of her"
RyPreutce of the Louisville Jo,7rL. OBJ
jects to The five minute ra'c'a tie New York
prayer meetings. lite says, ~maeiue for IN
stance, olj Bennett. d. HrlH conf ssinc
his sins in the ridiculous space of fyeminutesw
"Did YOU ever seean Elephant skin, asked
a teacher in an infant school in a fast negbor-
hood
Il bave, shouted six year old at the foot of
the class.
"Where 2" inquired OLD speoks, considerably
amused at his earueStneSS
"On the Elephant" shouted prodigy, glee-
fully.
During the war woman went e. q grocer's
shop and found she was paying nearly double
for candles. so she asked what was the reason
candles We're so dear. The grocer replied:
"Oh, il is the war"
"Dear me q said the woman; ''haye they GOT
10 fighting by candle light"
"What do YOU ask for this article p inquired
Obedlah OF Miss JulEt.
Fifteen ShillingS.'
"Aint YOU a little dear %
"Why," she replied, blushing, "all the young
men tell me so;
An oldlady when told Of her husbands death
exclaimed, "Well / do declare; our trouble.
never come alone 1t amt week since LOST
my best hen, and now Mr., Hopper has gone
too, poor man.
C
BSa. Sometimes society gets tired Of mar
and hangs him. Sometimes man gets tireC
Of society, and hangs himself.
BSl.Foot expressed belief that a mise
would take the beam out Of bis own eve If h,
could sell the timber
O
In China, if a man is not married by twenty
L. - a E