The Hancock Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Ohio) 1857-1870, 1864-09-30
bading matter on every page.

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Bro. Issaker Punt, who ordained ez
a Mishunary, and who hez bin laber-
in ez sich in Suthern Illinoy. The
county is strongly Dimekratic, and
Bro. Punt's cougregashun is large in
numbers, but unGorchnitly, its poor
the groceries absorbin the entire
capital, apart NV wich, at leest, shood
be devotid to the support NV the min
istry. Bro Punt hez he'd his eagle
eye, (all NV our preachers hev eagle
eyes) fixed on rich Ablishnist whom
he wishes to convert, so ez to hev
sumboddy to draw on, and he writ
to me to know how to manage it.
Fer the benefit NV young ministers, I
publish the rules / writ him:
1. He must git likin fer whisky.
This is essenshal So long ez he
don't drink he can't be brot under
the proper infooensis He'll be run
min to ablishn ehurchis.
Q. When he kin take his tods reg
Ter, CRATE pint is gained His prop
srty will waste away, until by careful
handlin 2 yeers will fetch him to a
bare house and lot, and that mort
gagged, in addishn wich he will hev
lost all taste fer work, and will hev
contracted the trooly DimeliratiS hab-
it nv loafn around doggeries.
5, AT this pint he begins to be on
cay. Whisky he must hev--worls
he can't, and loaf he will. He'll be-
gin 2 envy them Dimocrats ez hold
oils, seein that "they toll not, Meth
er do they spin, yet Solomon in all his
glory had not a nose like one Nv
tlese," and the fasilities NV that emf
nent Jew in the line NV conkebines
wuz but little sooperior.
4. At this pint strike. Whisper
in2 him "olils." He'll immejitly dis
kiver ez follows:
FIRST WEEK
That slavery is better fer the
nigger, than freedom, and that he
alluz opposed slavery on account NV
the white man. That it's rite pros
sccoot the war, and talk ther hossis,
but fer fear Nv redoosin the wages
NV the Northrin labrin man, slaivry
must be let alone.
SECOND WEEK.
That fer the benefit nv the laborin
milyuns NV the North, who must hev
cheep cotton and sugar, it is perhaps
well to hev slaivry wher it now is,
and ef this wars to be prossekootid
fer the purpus NV abolishin slaivry
why he don't know about it.
THIRD WEEK.
That slaivry is the natrel condishn
NV the nigger, and benefishl to the
white, and ez 2 the war 1t must be
conducted constooshnel.
FOURTH WEEK.
That Slaivry is skrlptooral and di-
vine, and that it is the dooty NV every
lover Wv his kind to laber to perpet
ooate and extend it. Ez TO the war
it wuz caused by Ablishnists, tho the
South shoodent orter hev seceedld.
FIFTH WEEK.
That the niger is a babboon-a
beest-that b, s better than ary id
nigger-that the Ablishnsts all want
to marry niggers, and that his daw-
ters shel never do it-that the South $
rite, and war agin EN- is murder, and
draitin's unconstooshnal, and so is
taXis-that eff he hez to shoot at all
he'll shoot North, 'ror fer Nickel
Ian!
Then yoo hev him, tho eff he hol-
lers "ror fer JEFF Davis its proof NV
more sounderer convershun.
Ez 2 givin him a offs, 700 kin do
ez 700 please, 700 kin keep him at
work fer the party five or 6 years,
on promises, and by that time he'll
be so fur gone that the other party
won't hev anything to do with him.
A back -slidden Ablishnist is trooly q
disgustin obgik.
l hev never knode this recipe . fail.
Care must be taken however to Git
enuff NV his mummy to pay fer the
whisky consoomed, ez ther kin only
be about six yeers work got out nv
these men. Not hevin bin brot up
it their stumiks burn out at the enc
NV that time, and they die Nv delir
Inn tremens.
PETROLEUM V. Massey,
Faster NV sed Church in charge
HOW Iruet