The Ashland union. [volume] (Ashland, Ashland County, Ohio) 1854-1868, 1864-06-01
Letter from Major Jack. Downing

/ 10 the Editors of Inc DapoOk:
SURs-Wcn 1 writ you last, the Messige
warn't flushed. Wal, sich a time we had
in 6nishin that docyment you never did see.
| The Kernel and set up all mite long three or
four mites, but it nigh about unpossibil to
git it to suit him. He would get it fixed, an
then Seward would cum in and say 1t was too
bold. I hen Chase he'd cum an say it warn't
bold enuf; aud finally teled him to make it
as old Deacon Grimes did his oven. He
wanted to know how that was. Wal, telld
him it was this way: The Deacon built an
oven facin to the North, wen one of his nabers
cum along and sed that wcn.d never do, as
the North wind would blow rite in the mouth
of The oven So the old man turned it round
an put the face to the South Pretty soon
another nabor cum along, an ses he, :Deacon,
it will never do to have that oven face the
South Tor there amt any wild so clustering
as the South wind So the Deacon turned 1t
round to the West. Pretty soon a man cum
alorp. an ses he, Deacon, don't you know
that the worst showers an hurrycanes we have
always cum from the West? 1t will never 90
TO face your oven that way So the Deacon
determined to change it around to the East
He hadn't more thar cot It dun, before ano-
ther nubur cum along, an ses he: :Why, Dea-
con Grimes, I'm perfectly astonlshed to see
YOU build:n an oven tacin it to the East
there amt any wind SO sarchin an penetratin
as the East wind, an it will blow your hre all
out of the oven.' WAL ses the old Deacon,
perfectly discouraged, 'I'll suit you all. I'll
build my oven on a pivot, and wen you cum
along you kin turn it around just as you want
i:.' Now ses 1, Kernel, that's the way to
fix YOUR NJ ,ssige' Ses he, That is fact; the |
only trubbil is to fix it on pivot on which 1t
kin turn ~ al ses l, that is the easiest |
thing in the world. Take the niger for the
pivot, an it will suit every man in your party. |
he only difference between 'em IS, that some |
don't like to look him square In the face. |
That sort kin turn your Messlge around lit
tie, an then they will see the niger sideways; |
an those that can't stand that; kin turn 1t
clear around, and then they will see the mig
ger in the hack, but it will be nigger all the |
Iimei' The Kernel sed it capital idee, |
and he ment to carry it out. 1t got noised |
around that the Kernel was comm out with |
some big thing in his Messige, an every Con- |
gressman when he got to ashington, run |
rite to the White House to give the Kernel
advice. They nigh about run him to deth. |
WAL ses l, Kernel, make believe your sick
sSho,' ses he, that won't do bit of good.
I've tried it often, an they bore me wus than |
ever WAL ses I, tell 'em you've got the
scarlet rever, and that will scare 'em away |
The Kernel sed it Mas first rate idee, an SO
it was announced in all the papers that the
President had the scarlet fever; but 1t didn't |
do much good. Sum staid away, but the
crowd vet was tremeejus. Now, ses /, 'Ker-
mel this is toe bad; here it is almost time for
Conoress to meet, an no Messige dun yet.
lest let the reporters announce you've got the
small nox an there won't be mot hers son
of 'em cum within gunshot Ell you. Then you
can fix YOUR Messige, put in the patent pivot,
and grease things up generally, SO They'll run
another year without teching. Ihe Kernel
said there was no other way than to do It,
II IL Al ho1 a. th..c
pox. YOU never see sech calm. The White |
House was nigh about deserted, an it seemed
I;ke Sunday up in Maine. The Kernel then
set riobt down TO his Messige, and worked |
l;ke a beever. He sed he could alters soon
nut a thing in shape after the foundashin
timbcrs we're laid And so he did. Wen he I
cot it finished, he called Seward and red it to
him He sed it was capital. Then he sent
for Chase, an he sed 1t was all rite NOW,
ses I, Kernel, send for War Dlmmycrat, an
see how he'll like it, Wen sed this, the
Kernel laffed rite out. Ses he, 'Mujer, you're
iokiu-I know you are Ses he, The War
Dimmvcrats remind me OF story about bar
buntin out West. Old Josh Muggin had q
young dog which was very fierce Tor bars SO
one day he took him along in hunt. In the
very first fte the bar bit the dogs tail off, and
away ne ran yelpin and barkin like mad, an
Josh could never get his dog to tte bars after
that Now, it is just so with the War Dim
mycrats They were very fierce 10 fite Inc if
I issued my Emancipashin PrOclamn mnshin, but
/ did it, and by SO doia, I cut their tails off.
and they have never showed any fita agn me
sence, an they won't. No-I rally wish
hadn't any more trubbil on hand than the War
will give me- ,T.a- -
sSes I, Kernel, I think ycu are rather hard
on the Warpimmycrats. They supported you
because they thought you was tryin to restore
the Union, but now wen they read your meg
sige and see that you won't have the Unfon
back eny how, they will say you deceived 'em,
and you may find EN- the most trnbbelsum
customers you've yet had to deal with. They
ment to sustain the government, but now wen
the see that yon yOn,t sustain it, they may