The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1864-06-24

One of our up-the-Sound friends furnishes
the following:
'Dead-beat is the euphonious term ap-
piled to any individual who, under the plea
of destitution of the needful, seeks to travel
by rail or steamer without rendering an
equivalent in current funds. A case of this
kind recently came to our notice, In which
two feminine dead-beats were cleverly out
witted.
Not many months since Sam s., the
popular and fun-loving clerk of a favorite
river steamer, while collecting tickets from
the passengers, discovered that two we'll
dressed females on deck we're not only un-
supplied with tickets, but also without mon
ey-according to their own story. Sam po-
litely but unsuccessfully attempted to per-
suade them that they must be wrong ;
mentioned that he had met with just such
cases before, and always found that they
were mistaken, etc. But his appeals, though
ranging from grave to gay, from lively to
severe were fruitless the fair but somewhat
unscrupulous travellers continued to affirm
impecuniosity. Leaving them for a while,
Sam finished his round, and sought in the
depths of his Office to excogitate a plan for
ensnaring the enemy. His inventive and
ever.fertile genius soon devised an e1pedient.
One of the women was Irish, the other ma
tive land probably 'to the manner born },
with an infantile 'dead-beat in her grasp.
Selling Webster Unabridged, which lay in
the office, Sam attached to the cover an I'M
provised paper cross, and with this formida-
BILE document under his arm majestically ap.
preached the Emer aldine.
Madam said Sam, do you observe this
Catholic Bible which l have in my posses
sion?'
Sure do was the reply.
! well, then, if you have no money you
must swear to it. Put your right hand or
that cross, and make oath to the truth o.
what repeat to YOU
Madam tremblingly placed her hand or
the cross.
You DO solemnly swear, commenced Sam
in sepulchral voice, that the contents q
this book are true, to the best Of your knowl
edge and belief; that you haven't got an!
money now that you never had any, anC
nsv-' At this point our Catholic friend
precipitately withdrew her hand; the oatf
was getting too strong for her aroused ant
guilty conscience. The relentless Sam stern
~ insisted upon the completion of The oath
but the now waling Hibernian, not daring
to comply, vainly enGeavored in various way
to evade the issue. Finding her tormento
inexorable, she. suddenly recollected that sh
had friend on board who would perhap
lend her the amount needed. No doubt O
it, said Sam never knew il to fail tines
friends always happen along just in the nicl
of time. I'll give you just one minute Il
see your friend, and shall then call on Vol
for the money. Returning at the expir atioi
of the minute, the dollar and quarter va!
handed over, and pocketed in triumph b.
Sam.
The other woman, who had been suspi
ciously watching the proceedings, was not t
be so easily managed. Sam saw at glanc
that she was imperyious to 'oaths of an
description or in any quantity: he mus
change his tactics. MY FRIEND said he, q
you haven't any money You must give M
some proof of it. Turn your pockets insid
out But l can't; have got my baby
oh, III take your baby responded Sam
and take it he did. Now empty your pOck
ets.' The pockets were emptied without re
vealing any money. Never mind remark
ed Sam, condolingly, I'll keep the baby
my wife has been wanting one for some time
and will consider this cheap at dollar and
quarter. Au reuoirp And off he MARCHES
with his prize, and intrenched himself in hi
office. The babe, not fully appreciating tn
desirableness of this change of base, bega
to squall. Sam trotted it on his knee an
tried to assuage its sorrows, but in vain til
more he trotted, the more vehemently did
lament, and clutch at Sans spectscles. a
length, in considerable disgust, he placed
on the floor A knock at the door interrup
: ed Sans contemplation of his newly-foun
,, treasure. Unlocking the door, he saw (as I
expected) the mother Of the child, who tol
S him that fortunately she had met frier
who, having known her in better circur
l. stances had kindly loaned her dollar ar
At quarter. Precisely said Sam, as 81
}, handed him the money. Il thought SO q
lie the time. Take your infant and be happ
d l wouldn't be hired to touch it again. L
IN Giscomftted female retired with her offspril
9 and Sam, lighting cigar, smoked in cal
m satisfaction at the result of his strategy.
% O. A chap down in New Haven h
:, courted girl, giving her number of pr
% % ents, to keep her admiration all right; b
differences arose, and sauable was the