Dayton daily empire. [volume] (Dayton [Ohio]) 1850-1865, 1864-01-06
THE PAPERS OF
ALEXANDER MARION MELHoRNE,
ON THK nsUEs Op THE DAY
! lCLAsslcAL RETREAr, Near Cucumber
I City, December, 1863.

thereto, must here discuss little anecdote
relative TO my estimable lady, Elmira, who,
viii here state takes lively interest in the is.
sues OF the day.
Having heard the undersigned state that
he was going to become one of the organs of
the Empire" with his usual ability, she was
much elAted thereat, and consequently sailed
forth over TO Windy WiEzen's the other day,
and stated thereto that it was the "Roman
Empire" for which the undersigued was 60
ing 10 write at a pretty heavy salary.
Whersupon Old Windy expressed a lively
interest in the success of the scheme, stating
at the same time, with much ability, that hav-
ing frequently heard of the above Empire"
Ito which ElmirA had so ably referred in her
humble way--but never having seen one, he
would consequently take it, Which be &C.
eordingly proceeded to do at his earliest cou-
venience.
Elmira having subsequently returned rela
ted to the undersigned the substance Of the a.
boVe statement, which created good deal Of
infinite merriment--Elmira, apparently being
as highly pleased as the undersigned.
l then embraced the accompanying oppor.
tunity to set forth how the undersigned had
frequently been mistaken several times uv-
seHi ! also referred to Gov, Seymour, of
New York, not knowing that State Govern.
ments had been indefinitely postponed" un-
til he afterwards undertook to go through the
motions thereof whereupon he was courteous.
ly informed by Mr.. Lincoln, in very able
manner, that him and the Gar had conclu.
ded not to have any, they being incompatible
with the gigantic strides OF free institutions
and the noble African, in an eminent degree
Comment is highly unnecessary.
A Few THOUGHTS ON THE MAJESTY OF THE BAL.
loT'BooKs, KIT. Al
consider the above named box TO be per
feet success, highly adapted to the occasion.
air much convinced, also, that there ought
to be irom 3 to of them ia every we'll reRu.
lated household They would he a useful or.
nRment to their hospitable abode, A rail- oad
is good thing too The AlrcaH is deeply
Indebted 10 the ballot-boX for much of the su.
periority he now enjoys over The white man.
II was through tho balotbos that our coun-
try has been SO ably reduced to her present
ignominious depths OF prosperity. Ii was
through the majesty Of this inscru,able box,
that our belligerent proves has been so
highly developed, and many other articles too
tedious to mention. Suffice it to say, here
by propose To get it patented, and send my
son Andrew TO peddle it out among the eyre.
gious heather on 3 months credit with ap.
proved security, Jonny Bruf would do for
pretty corpulent loyal reference as to the mai.
esty thereof while Andrew could explain how
to set It up for use, Bat the best way wod
be 10 geta lot OF the natives to come home
with him and learn how to elect any body they
please on short notice and reasonable terms.
A good dead depends on the voting, but con
siderable more on counting out Persons al.
ways ought to vote right, otherwise they
cant reasonably object to being scared away,
or turned off the railroad The undersigned
confidently appeals to Jonny Brat, TO attest
these momentous and significant statements.
A-i again, in order to be successful every
time, It is necessary TO be judicious aud high.
ly strategic in making up the issues. The
following able recipe has never been known
to fail, and ought to be printed on the wrap.
per and signed by Mr.. Bruh, as follows, to.
wit Take some green.baeks, and shoplder
straps, and whole lot of Ethiopians and O.
gregiOus abominOble whangdoodles, with
white neckties thereon,) and tAsn stir them
all up together with few rSi!roads After
that you can put in the ssveR-year itch, the
uiumps tooth-aehe, cramp-cholic, or anything
else, and the result will no, be imperilled in
the least None whatever Shake we'll be.
fore using. Then set up the majestic box in
a horizontal position, and go to bowling thro'
your several noseS Tell the Qnaken that
they now have pretty good chance 70 trade
their religion off for the most approved "ear-
nal weapons now in use, and they will yelp
along the wGr path equal to the noble red
man, who formerly roamed the forest in the
majesty Of his wild unlVsorsd sex Get as
many enthusiastic fools as possible TO yelp
"eoPPerhead," "traitOr" etc, aud instraci
them never to say anything whatever without
usipg the word "iOyAr about ls or IL times
The grsen.baoks and shoulder.
straps and the African will do the balance.
We have seen this recipe effect aradieal cure,