The Xenia sentinel. [volume] (Xenia [Ohio]) 1863-186?, 1864-10-18
The only Correct Biographies Of
Gen. G. B. MCCLELLAN.

HI OaAAJ DOAA Loa 1AV5 4 . tAAAOo VI
Gen. G. B. II CleIlan.
By So1FrRfyo RAYNoNB. ESQ, oftb.
Times, assisted by GAFFER GREELEY o
tie E1Iaae- 9ar
GENERAL MCCLELLAN, reared among
the tyrlnts aud opPressors Of mankind
and deprived Of all those ennobling IN
auenees which usually surround the
American youth from the cradle to the
/ grave, has duriBg bis brief military career
and his still briefer civil life, disappoih-
ted not only his friend, but degraded
himself
At the age Of ten years he was arrested
By the Mayor Of Skowhegan for digging
under the Corporation pound and extract
ing therefrOm several pOrkors.
AT fifteen years he was expelled from
/ the Squabtown Militia by tic caloRel,
/ who was an aide-decamp the Governor
of Pennsylvania, for apprepriatiug to
himself gold medal which belonged to a
poor fatboatmau. @
AT twenty he was forced by the
strength Of public opinion to fly to the
Canadas, where be endeavored to intro
/ duce spades into the drill Of the English
troops; bat making a lamentlbIe failure,
he'star- ed, with Augustus SaIa and Sir
John Franklin, to search Of fresh and pas
tures new.
At twenty-five he returned to the Ia
tied States just in time to leave It, with
a predatory blnd of merce aries, for Mex
leo, where the general, as be termed him
self was, with his. entire army Of ninety
one. millionsaof men and mules, ignomiGi-
ously put to fight by a corporaPs guard
Of Mexioans. So af5ighted was the re
doubtab Little Nc that he imagined
the buzzing Of the mosquetoes to be the
roar Of mnsketry assailing his rearguari.
He dug a hole, and thus secured for
hiuself basso of supplies. When he
charged upon the foe, he was twenty-five
miles away; eating breakfast with Santa
Anna.
He was t6e author Of the Declaration
ofIndePendenee, and was the first to IN
troduee Magma Charta to the EDglish
people, and exhibited it throughout
Er9ops, in eOnueetion with a horned ele-
phant.
He .dis1Bpeared about this tine for
several years-probably engaged in tie
agricultural task Of digging potatoes for
pumpkins.
Being ordered to leave this country,
he wandered Of to the Crimea, where he
accepted tie responsible and honorable
position Of suffers clerk, when, Pfavil 2
Incompetent and utterly incapable Of cen
adHiHg three and two together, be was
di charged and drummed out Of the
camp.
In revenge he wrote a diagnosis Of the |
Crimeaa War, in which he endeavorec
in his feeble way to disturb our n lp, ESQ.
Nobody bought the b}ok, however.
Nobody ever read it; and consequently it |
was never published. ar,-
By one ofthose strange iliosyncraeies /
that sometimes. obtsiH control cf a feeble /
and distrlught br,in, he began to imagine (
himself q great general, and was so ear
nestin the matter that, upon the out
break-of the present rebellion the ad- !
ministratign actually 50 far forgot itself
that fr the Joke Of it, Abe gave him
commend Of the army. After an inter
view with JEFF Davis, Gsneral Mcclellan
leisurely embarked lis army FIR the .
Peninsula, where he arrived after having
lost four thousand men by an attack of /
the measles, and seven thousand by cut
ting their teeth.
With the history Of that campaign the /
public is familiar
While the Battle of NllveTn Hill was
in progress he was thirty-nine miles off, /
seated in a gunboat at the cdga Of a |
eanebrake, drinking tanglefoot juice and
playing pennypoka with a One-armed flag
nten5' 'of the S66thsrh Confederaey.
At The Battle of FAIR OAKS he was not /
to be found, nor did he appear until four
weeks after, when he was found by a re-
liable refugee, fishing in the Dismal
Swamp, with a pinhoOk, for soft crabs
During the Battle Of Gaines Mil he de-
clared himself under the influence Of an
armistice and returned to Washington
for change of base.
He Is in favor Of peace on earth and
good will to JEFF Davis
He is opposed to Artemus Ward and
Mormonism.
He lives in New jersey.
He cannot read and
He did not capture Atlanta.
He Is at present negotiating with Max
imilian and lIax Maretzek for division
of his country, using jeff Davis as a 60
between,
Treason turks within our borders.
Beware Of Mac
May he dig for ever.
YoRKsHIRE.=-A lad from the country en-
tered public house where a gentleman was
making a breakfast of eggs After eyeing