Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1864-09-16
Editorial Squibs.

!.
our huge pile of exchanges, we find cur
very souls. refreshed by hearty laugh
and we belong to that class Of people who
know just how, 10 laugh-caused by some
editorial witticism. In the hope that we
may cause a moments pleasure TO some
wearied and worried fellow editor, we
have clipped some of these "Sou'Bs," and
shall "l,t of" few of them occasionally
in tie News LITTER until we "run out"
of the supply-unless fresh assortment
should arrive from the sources. An editor
heads an item, "ANoTHER EDITOR DEAD"
In 90 our assistant editor, the scissors, to
clip an item TO be placed under lis appro-
pirate heading in the News LETTER,
when to our chsgrin and amusement we
find lis but joke. This is the item:
"Wm. Fisk. Esq, editor Of the ---
Press Is dead. Mr.. f., was a poet but
some reason or other, did not like our,
views upon the merits of his poetry, and
so cut US from his exchange list. We,
however, continued to send him The Trans
cript and yesterday it was returned to this
office marked, Send this paper 10 hi
This was the first intimation we had of
Mr.. rs death, and we suppose he left
word with his son to send his exchange to
his new abode Phanzy phriend Phisk's
pheelngs. Killing man off in that way
is most to hard, but We can scarcely won
der at it If the poetry spoken of was any
thing like that received by an editor, who
upon declining the same, remarks to the
poet, "Your lines emitted sympathy are
respectfully declined. The sentiment is
excellent, but the rhythm sounds like roll
ing frozen pumpkins on barn floor, and
the measure is no! what il should be-"
If production answering the above de-
scription was really received, we can agree
with Punch, who says, The reason why
editors are SO apt to have their manners
spoiled, is because they receive from one
correspondent and another, such vast
amount of evil communications"
But TO the happiest hits, and thrusts we
turn to those which are written about the
editors uRhappiness, for while "An editor
in Iowa has become so hollow from de-
pending upon the printing business alone
for bread, that he proposes to sell himself
for a stove pipe" another one. in a neigh
boring State. Is SO poor that he neves
stands upon m're than one foot at a Time
for fear that be may. wear out his boot:
quick" and another in Minnesota IT threat.
ems 10 break up house keeping, and 90 tc
boar ding with his delinquent subscribers
Next is one who says TO these who
promised to pay their subscription in grain
that unless it is delivered before the first
of February, he will be compelled 10 re.
ce:ve old clothing in its stead" from which
we may infer thai anything Is good enough
for the printers. Upon the same subject
another one says, "We've no turnips to
mix with our potatoes. Don't bring u:
any more apples. We have for the pres.
ent, q -antam saffct. which means-greal
slathers," while still another, with hi:
mind rather tending towards animal thar
vegetable food, informs his delinquent sub
scribers that +" He has responsibiirie;
thrown upon him which he is obliged tc
meat" One editor aunouces that The
publication Of his paper will be suspended
for six weeks, in order that he may visit
ST. Louis with load of bear skins, hoop
poles, shingles, oak bark, pickled-cat-fsh
&c. which he has taken on subscriptions,
while an able cotemporary Issues half 9
F. sheet, and says if its subscribers don't pay
up better, the editor viii have to issue q
semi monthly. monthly, or not al ALL" One
who aspires to foreign correspondence but
who was short of travelling funds, ''Sat up
on saw-horse for an imaginary journey
and wrote letter home to his paper
But the most accommodating one IS a
Pennsylvania editcr who says He intends
taking tour through the country to visit
his patrons and will be prepared to take
in trade, wheat, apples, potatoes, chickens
turkies, pumpkins, butter, eggs, sour crout
horses, mules, wagons, calves, wheel bar.
rows. harness, hoop p-poles, lath, lime. ap-
Pile, butter, stocking yarn. hard soap, cider
dried apples, beans, turnips, wool, feathers
geese. ducks, dry goods, groceries, hard
ware, queensware, and ready made cloth
ing, or anything else eatable, at the cur
rent market value. One nearly as ac
commodating says "Alihough We prefer
the money, yet those who can't pay it vii
please send US some OF their old clothes
shanghai eggs, sour crout, rotten pine ap
piles, &c, we will take anything in tn,
world except scOlding acite or a duu ra
sor," and then to sum up all these ills
some despohding quill driver must need
put into circulation the fact that ''The ia
bles Of mortality show that the lives o
editors, compared TO other men, are com
paratively short. They wear out befor
their time" as ifathe only hope they hav
for respite from their great troubles
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