The Weekly Perrysburg journal. [volume] (Perrysburg, O. [Ohio]) 1861-1???, 1864-04-06
nAn1ra.


about three years since, aud was wilton by Ju-
MUS IL. Browne, then connected with that paper but
more recently war correspondent Of he New
York TribaAe. IL May last, he was on board q
United Statos gunboat which, in attempting n
run past the vieksburg batteries, was sunk, and
those on board captured by the since which
time he has been principally engaged in enjoying
the reereatops Of Castle Thunder, Richmond but
at present he is confined 10 the rebel prison at Saus
bury, North Carolina. We are thus particular in
mentioning the authors misfortunos, believing that
tho righteous indignation Of many mothers, on
reading his opinion of the " little unocents," may
bO somewhat appeased by thinking that he is now
suffering special penance forits perpctration. lie
is uuquestionably "rather rough on tho "doar di-
minutives !" and we only publish his production
at the earnest solicitation Of several "married
men '--each OF whom is anxious to preserve a
copy forfeiture reference;
However Babies may be regarded, they are, as
thetically failures. pretty or handsome Baby is
an impossibility. II could as we'll be Behcmoth
as beautiful.
In an art sense, Babies are detestable. The man
or woman who does not abhor them can have no
love of the Crock idea.
Thoy seem invSrsions Of fitness, and violations
of rule. They appeal to the heart through their
helplessness only to the intellect they are mis-
shapen clods.
No animal Of the lower order but is immeasura-
bly, superior in torn and feature 10 Baby-a par
agon OF homeness and superlative Of disagreeable-
| ness. . .. t...
This may sound strangely and extravagantlS
but we hold to its complete truthfulness as we are
newly convinced whenever we are brought in con-
| tact with an infant.
In addition 20 their homelinoss, Babies are SC
uncouth and noisy, so full of awkwardnesses and
screams, that the least motion develops those pc
culiarities most aiarmingly.
! Babies are horror and good Baby is tgment
of the brain. No could good If il would, and
| would not if il could.
Babies seem to think Nature meant they should
visit the earth as an inHiction. IL so, they fulfill
| their mission gloriousy.
Perchance they are angry at their birth, and re-
venge themselves on the nearest persons by tor
menting their senses continuously. They arc as
vicious as vice tself--wickod as Baby should be q
proverb-and appear to us incarnations of malig'
! nity--total depravity in swOddling-clothes.
The insaney domestic and the sentimentally
perverted say Babies come from Heaven; but WI
shrewdly suspect they are from the other place
which Calvin declared existed.
Their coming thence gives one most wholesome
dread of going thither. The idea would be more
terrible than all the orthodox stories Of fire ant
sulphur.
Ii wc wished to paint horrible picture, VT
| would transfer Babe to canvass.
Think of onel
Red fierce, screaming its eyes protruding from
| its head, or winking like superannuated owl en-
deavorng by every possible means to force its hs
down its own throat, or its fingers into its nurses
| optics. No nose, no mouth no anything that Is
| natural; but resembling piece of crimson clay
spoiled by clumsy potter. who had tried to make
| everything at once, and made nothing,
| Babies are usually diabocal-the devils child
ren, doubtless-Su when they strive to be pleasant
| they reach the last capacity of hideousness.
| oh orla actlN OFF, IN lnuph n dnnOninC
endeayor to pleased, is enough to strike terror
to the heart Of Leonidas himself; putwhole armies
| to fight, and move adomant with fear.
Those marvellous facial contortions are Impress
ed upon our memory as nightmare dreams. They
| haunt us often, and we can not shut them out.
| Alas for Bubies-we can not like nor endure
| them We would walk mile over heated pOw-
| shares to avoid one would be broken on the rack
| before we would kiss the diminutiye demons.
Ugh alligators, serpents and scorpions are pre-
| ferablc companions They thrill us with horror
and yet we pity them, even while they give us con
| stant pain.
| When we see Babe, we reflect invountarily of
how much it must suffer if it liye-what woes Fate
| has in store for t-what unknown tragedies are i'll
| its littlesbosom
Poor thing, we think. Why came it hither
why does it not die and then We almost pray that
| it may expire on the morrow.
| How fortunate if all men had died in their in
fancyl We have never forgiven our old nurse for
refusing to drop us from the high balcony of the
| mansion in which first beheld the light of this
| pessmus planet.
| If one could only be Baby again, and knew wha
was to be endured, what laudanum vial would bC
| safe
Babies detestabe and demonacOl you are
| you need commisseration: we give it to you fully
| How any one that loves humanity can aid in your
creation, is mystery to us that time and philoso-
| ply will never unravel.
| With all our hatred of you, we love you too well
to bring you into being, and when we see you cole
and coliined, we rejoice that you slipped so early
| from the tortuous way which, the longer it is fol
lowed, grows the thicker with thorns.