Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1864-03-24
The Opera.

| Beau Hackett" writes to the Chicago POsl
this account of his sensations at the opera
! went to the opera.
Ny wife went to the opera also
We went to the opera together. l remem-
| Der that carried an opera glass in every
pocket and a book of the opera under each
arm. l am not an opera critic: wouldn't be
for the world. l never knew but one, and he
died of hydrophoba without ever having
been bitten by anything mad But know a
good thing when see it; and also when |
near 1t. saw good opera ard heard some
Soou music. 1 doat remember the name OF
the opera, toT MY wife use both cf The
books, aud monopoiized all the programmes,
but know 1t was good, and | will tell you
now how know it,
l heard rumbling noise under the stage,
and pretty soon a number of Iiaiic lookiny 2
gentlemen came creeping up through coal
| noie, or ira dor, OF some other such sort
OF "a secret passage, and seated themselves in
a little square place with railing round it,
Somebody behind me said they were the
orchestra. | made note Of that One of
| them who Sat il front of the centre of tho
stage picked up stick that looked great
deal like the thing my schoolmaster used to
| rap me over the knucklcs with began to
feel little uneasy, for | thou yht he was 60
ing to give some of the orchestra fellows fits,
and believe ne would have done it but for a
| fortunate circumstance. He was suddenly
| seized with some sort Of fit, like St. Fitus'
dance and shock awtulv But he held on to
| the stick, and that Shook too Then the
musicians commenced pl .ying, and the more
he shook the more they played. l began to
see the joke, and then l laugheti-oh how
laughed My wife said nobody ought to
laugh at the opera. fought 10 smile, she said,
| and clap my hands couida5 see it-nroba-
| bly, owing to a deficiency of gasight I laugh
ed-kept on laughing. An elbow neighbor
SAID the orchestra was performing a sym
pnony. lie meant to say it some funny :;
ne knew no,hing about operas, and | sneered
at him.
When the man with the stick in his hand
had shook until he didn't know what allied
iliin, the curtain went up and crow1 Of toll
erably well dressed and rcspectabl: looking
people walked out upon the stage Some
| sung, and some OF them that didn't know low
| to sing opened their mouths and made be-
lieVe they sung.
big fellow came out with a cavalier
| dress on and sword by lis side He was
good looking, and iikeI him. My wife said
ne Was good looking and then | didn't like
him. lie chirruped Il while, and everybody
| appiaudcd, and my wifs wanted me to look
| ,it the iibretto and tell what he was singing
l looked, but | couldn't tell uerth IL cent
liked the song. It vas pretty and he sung
! attstically, HI, voice rising with as much
| regularity as the gold market has manifested
during the last twelve months, He began
| away down among tae fia:s, and then went up
about nineteen octaves thea he came down
| three or four degrees, and resting cal III :
about the space Of il mrutc, suddenly went up
| again about sixteen ilchcS then his voice
| dropped down about Il gallon, and then
| he went up into the fourth story, and straiaed
and stood ard stared, ana sang and his eyes
! 10 Dkeu as though thcy wanted to jump out
Of ms head. .Thcu his voice diminished about
| five pounds, whereupon q newspaper critic
sitting Oh my right uttered a gentle hiss
that sounded like hot water pouring into hot
grease. The news, s,'apc. crilic said the op-
| era man had made Il mistake; his voice
should have yielded only four pounds ans!
eleven ounces. The singer changed his bass,
aud his voice went up about four Gozen, ana
then. rushins rapidly down three lights of
stairs, he landed broadsde among the flats
again Thcn he retired, and the audience
applauded like powder magazine Oh fire.
| | stad till the opera was out | saw il all
| was told by persons who had seen il
through an opera glass that it was exquisite
but gentleman VINO was little deaf listen
cd TO it through an ear-tru!npet said it wa:
q failure was unable to make up my mind
until saw the published criticisms ne xt morn.
ing, and then | thought everything.
| m:an to make an opera myself. 1t Shall
be grand one, far ahead OF any of Don,
izetti's, or anybody elses. / will Introduce
d thrashing- g-machino chorus, a saw-mill ser.
enade, and a steam boiler symphony, besides
: many other delicate noTelties and | shall
have it performed ten consecutive nights TN,
der my window, for the benefit Of Mrs Bell.
Ilackett individually, l will cure her OF h4l
fearful Elalady, if it costs nae dollar. Hel
ease is not hopeless | think; bat she is about
as far gone anybody 1 ever saw. AS s.ly
and | Were coming away from the opera, the
Lass time we paid the blessed institution
visit, a musical cabman commenced singing
some beautiful verses about Il celebrated eu
ehre PLAYER by the name of Joe Bowers
Sac thought he J=hu WAS an Italian singer
certain and it was all | could DO to persuade
her that he was nothing but human beng