The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1864-08-22
FOREIGN WIT AND HUgoR.

Keep out OF hib CtLuDllbOmeuL f--lhlSS-iN "
storms generally are a mystery, but you can
always see the drift Of snow storm.
The cloak Of religion is TO be known some
times by the fine nap Il has during sermon time
We know q man who Is 20 lavish in giving
away, that hC can't even keep his word.
--"Timo works wonders as the lady said
when she got married after cghtyears' courtshp.
Why is a sword like bgcg because lis no
use ill It's drawn.
1t is stated that, at a Wcst-end debating So
ciey, q whecwrght was by far the best sPokcs-
man.
An Irish painter declares that, among other
portraits, he has q representation Of Death as
large as hie.'
A little girl, walking with her mother in a
graveyard, reading one after another tho praises
OF those who slept beneath, said, 81 wonder
where they bury the sinners. :"
Ono Of Sir Boyle 'Roche's children asking
him one day, who was the father of George the
Third, he replied-"My darling Il was Frederick,
the Prince OF Wales, who would have been George
the Third, If be had liycd.'
When the Persian poet llahz was asked by
tho philosopher Zenda what he was good for he
replicd-"Of what use Is q flower - "a flower
is good to smell" said the philosopher" Aud /
am good 10 smell it, said the poet
"A little boy, on coming home from church,
where he had seen person work the bellows OF
an organ said TO his mother-"Oh, mamma,
wish you had been at church to-day-such fun
]
"A lady once asked gentleman what wit
was like; to which he replied, "Like your lady
ships bottle OF sal vOlatile-pO gnant at the first
| opening, but, on being too much handled about
| loses all its flavor and becomes inspid'"
is 1t lawful for a man to marry his widows
niece Three young ladies, after having carefully
studied the subject for three hours with the best
| authorities before them, unanimously declared
that they could discover no objection whatever
| to the match"
| 4
land) has sent the following ON G. has met
| with a frightful accident; he fell from the
| balcony ut the corner of the Grand Rue, and
broke his spine, Death was instantaneous The
| same accident occurred to him last year.
| "A Dutchman thus describes an accident -
| "Yonce, long vile ago, went intos mine abble
orchard to climb a bear tree to get some peaches
to make mine vrow plumb-budding init; ann
when gets on the tobermost branch, L vail from
| the lowermost limb, init Won leg on both sides Of
the fence, and like TO stove mine outside in
Pat Finegan's wife was q very vixen, and
| gave him no peace of his life. One day, after u
quarrel, in which he was elected from his shanty
| by his better half he enlisted as n volunteer.
Being accostcd by an acquaintance with-"Well,
Patrick, they say you are going in for the war.
ono, no" said he, "Pm going for pace"
"A certain noble lord being in his early years
much addicted TO dissipation, his mother advised
him 70 take example by gentleman whose food
| was herbs and his drink water "What madam >"
said he, ''would you have me TO initiate q man
who eats like a beast, and drinks like fish ?"
The nerve Of a tooth, not so largo as the
| finest sewing needle, will sometimes drive man
TO distraction. mosquito can make an ele-
phant absolutely mad The coral rock, which
causes navy 10 founder, is the work of worms.
The warrior that has wthstood death in a thou
sand forms may be killed by an insect.
Some ten days ago the Emperor's carriage
horses took fright during drive from Fontan-
| bleau. They were soon stopped, however, and
| the party got safe home. "Do you know,
nearly died together 2" mo, Sire" replied toe
Countess, lyon have escaped death-I immor-
tality."-Pdris Letter.
An anecdote is told of the great Thomas
Andrew Knight, who, when child, on seeing
the gardener one day planting beans in the
ground, asked him why he buried those bits of
wood, and was told that they would grow into
bean plants, and bear beans. He watched the
| event, and, finding that it happened as the gar
dener had foretold, determined to plant his
poCket-knlfe, in the expectation OF its also grow
ing, and bearing other knives.
"A clergyman in Perthshire, who is more
skilful as an angler than popular as a preacher,
having fallen into conversation with some of his
parishiOners on the benefits of early rising men
| tinnnd. ns an instance, thao ho had tb"V very
morning before breakfast composed q sermon
| and killed n salmon-an achievement on which
| he plumed himself greatly. "a Weel, sir" said
one of the company, 81 would rather hae yeI
salmon than yer sermon"
A rich manufacturer of Sedan, somewhat
| u
tailor ut Paris TO order coat. He asked
| the price. "a hundred and fifty francs" He
thought that rather dear. al shall furnish my
| own cloth" he said. Gust as YOU like sir .
replied the tailor. The coat having been sent
the manufacturer asked what he had TO pay for
the making. "A hundred and fifty francs" wae
again the answer. "But furnished the cloth
| "Sr," said the tailor sOlemnly, al never reckon
the cloth l always give it into the bargain
In Fitzpatricks "Memoirs of Archbishop
Whstely," we have the following anecdote =
"The first occasion on which ever saw DR.
Wbately observes correspondent was under
curious circumstances. l accompanied my late
friend, DR.. Field, to visit professionally some mem
hers of the Archbishops household, at Redesdale
Stillorgan. The ground was covered by two
feet OF snow, and the thermometer was down
almost to zero. Knowing the Archbishop's
character for humanity, l expressed my surprise
to see an old labOring man in his shirt sleeves
telling tree 'atter hours in the demesne, while
heavy shower of sleet drifted pitilessy on his
wrinllled face. That laborer replied DIR. Field
, whom you think the victim of prehtical despot-
ism, is no other than the Archbishop curing him
; self ofa headache. When his Grace has been read
ing and writing more than ordinary, and finds any
pain or confusion about the cerebral organization
he puts both to flight by rushing out with an axe
and slashing away at some ponderous trunk
As soon as he finds himself in profuse persp;ra.
ton, he gets into bed, wraps himself in Limerick
blankets, falls into sound sllmber, and gets az
buoy0nt.'"
-Froude has a fine passage in the last chapter
| OF MS 'lNei2n OF IIkaDttn.' ''AednMuie, lac
says, "a vast intellectual revolution, Of which the
religious reformation was rather sign than a
! ! cause, was making its way in the English mind,
The discovery OF the form of the earth and Of its
| place in the planetary sy stem was producing an
effect on the imagination which long familiarity
with the truth renders Il hard for us now %
realize. The very heaven itself had been rolled
mp like scroll, lay ing bare the illimitabe abyss
Of space the solid frame OF the Garth h0d become
a ball, and in a bemis phero below their feet, men
saw the sunny Palm Isles, aud The golden gorei
Of the uopic seas. Long impassive, long unable,
iIOm tie very tOughness of their natures b ap-
preherd these novel wonders, Indifferent 10 them
even hating them as at hrst they hated the doc
uines Of Luther, the English opened their eyes
at last In the cOnyusions which rent England
from the PapaCy, thousand supcrstiJions were
blown aw6y thousand new thoughts rushed in
bringing Wlthlthem their train Of new desires and
new HOHOns and when the fire was once hinlled
the dry wood burnt iierCey in tho wind,"
Pay of French Authors.