American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-01-20
WIT AND WISDOM.

IHE worst bad Engllsn is profane swear
ing.
A child, like letter, often goes astray
through being badly directed,
No cloud can overshadow the Chris
tian, but his faith will discern rainbow
in it.
ALWAYS fight till you die-after doing
it five or six times, it is just as easy as
anything else.
A miser is but human version of the
turnspit dog that toiled every day to roast
meat for other persons eating.
WHEN a young lady offers to hem a
cambria handkerchief for a rich bachelor,
she means to SOW in order to reap.
WHICH is the left side Of a plum pud-
ding? That which is not eaten after you
and have been to dinner.
WHY is an Ohio railway contractor like
German emigrant? Because he makes
tracks for the West.
IF you wish to know how many ofyour
neighbors want "a little loan of ten dol
lars, get nominated for Congress.
PRAISE, when judiciously bestowed
tends t. encourage the pursuit of excel
lence.
A man who is furnished with arguments
from the mint, will convince his antago-
mist much sooner than one who draws
them from reason and philosophy.
WHY is dram drinker like the hay
crop? Because the hotter the weather
the sooner he gets " cooked"
"Do you drink hail in America ?" ask
ed cockney Hail, Move drink
thunder and lightning"
CooL-for lady of 20 to ask her hus-
band who has passed the three score and
ten," if he would prefer plain or orna-
mental tombstone
A Western paper says that an Arkan-
sas rebel cavalry colonel mounts men by
the following order: Prepare fer te git
onter yer creeters" Second order-"Git"
"NMRoD, can you tell me who was the
first man ?" Adam somebody. His
father wasn't nobody, and he never had a
mother on account of the scarcity of wo-
men and the pressure of the times"
A PHRIEND pheeling phunnily phigu-
rative FURNISHES the phollowing :" Atty
4tunate 4esters 4tuitously 4tifying 4lorp
4tresses, 4cibly 4bade Atty 4midablc 4eign-
ers Aiming 4aging Aces"
AT Spiritual Meeting, short time
since, Balaam was called up and asked if
there were any Jackasses in his sphere
NO" replied he Indignantly; they are
all on earth"
A witness in court, being interrogated
as to his knowledge of the defendant in
the case, said he knew him intimately
well. He had "suppcd with him, sailed
with him and horsowhipped him.
A waggish spendthrift said" Five
years ago | was not worth cent in the
world; now see where 1 am through my
own exertions." Well, where are you?"
Why ] owe more than three thousand
dollars"
WHAT heading shall l put to this ac-
count of man cutting off his toes with
an ak ?" asked young paragrapher past
er of his superior in certain newspaper
Office. "What heading, sir; why mel
ancholy ardent to be sure"
JOHN Reeves was accosted on the Ken
nington road by an elderly female, with
small bottle of gin in her hand:
Pray, sir, I beg your pardon-is this
the way to the work house?"
John gave her look of clerical digni-
ty, and pointing to the bottle, gravely
said
No, madam, but that is"
Mr.. Brads, you say you know the de-
fendant-what is his character?"
Forwhat, sir-spreeing or integrity 7"
For integrity sir"
Well, all | can say about Jones is,
that if he's honest, he's got queer way
of showing it, that's all p
What do you mean by that? 2"
just this-that the night before he
dimes on turkey, somebody's poultry coop
is always broken open"
That will do, Mr. Brads."