American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-01-27
WIT AND WISDOM.

If you want to be " swell OF the first
water, get the dropsy.
"PRAY keep your seat, as the cock
ney coachman said to the wild rabbit.
IT is said to be misprison of treason to
ask soldier to take dinner and dessert
WINTER too often changes into stone
the water Of heaven and the heart of man.
BE not the fourth friend of him who
has had three before and lost Them
You cannot dream yourself into a char
acter; you must hammer and forge your
self
IF pretty woman asks you what you
will bet, answer her that you will lay your
head ON hers.
LAG not behind the wheels of progress,
unless you would have your eyes blinded
by the dust.
SOME hypocritical prayers in church
are intended to cheat the congregation,
others the Lord.
MANY persons write articles and send
them to an editor to be corrected, as if an
editors office were a house of correction
THE man who courted an investigation
says it isn't half as good as courting an
af'ectionate girl.
THE man who imagined himself wise
because he detected some typographical
error in newspaper, has gone cast to get
a perpendicular view of the rain bow.
A DEALER in ready-made linen adver-
tises his shirts and chemises, under the
mellihuous appellation Of male and fe-
male envelopes"
An alderman lately lost his appetite
AMI the uuucky finder, being poor man
with large family, was ruined in less
than fortnight.
THE individual who attempted to raise
colts from horse chestnuts went into the
market the other day and inquired for
mock-turtle, to make mock-turtle soup of.
Miss TULIP, in speaking of old bache-
lors, says that they are frozen out old
gardners in the fower-bed of love. As
they are useless as.wceds, they should be
served in the same manner-choked
SAYS a beau to lady pray name if you can,
OF all your acquaintance the handsomest man"
The lady replied, If you'd have speak true,
Hes the handsOmest mans the most unlike you"
A KINDER hoggish 'conundrum lately
out, runs thus =" Why is Mrs. Draggle-
tail like hog?" Guv that up. "Kazc
she cleans the streets wild her long dress !"
Perpetrator deserves a broomstick.
A DANDY in Broadway, New York,
wishing to be witty accosted young bell
man as follows:-" You take all sorts of
trumpery in your cart don't you?'
Yes, jump in, jump in"
A JOKER, on hearing that certain per-
sons were mutilating the copper cent by
cutting out the head and wearing it as a
breast-pin or badge, at once suggested the
following definition: Copperhead-One
who outrages the good sense (cents) Of
the nation.
a YOUTHFUL member Of rifle corps
in a Scottish town. on his arrival at home
few evenings ago, joyfully told his gov
ernor that he had just got his arms.
Arms qouth the ancient drily, I'm
thinking gin the French come yell hac
mair need o your legs"
ISAAC" said Mrs. Partington to her
nephew, when you enter the state of
alimony, choose voracious and well un-
informed young woman. Then, my dear,
your love will be'infernal and your pos
terity certain" Ike looked exceedingly
solemn, and proceeded to put molasses on
the door knobs.
In the bull fight days, a blacksmith who
was rearing bull pup, induced his old
father to go on all fours and initiate the
pup. The canine pupil pinned the old
man by the nose. The son, disregarding
the parental roaring, exclaimed, "Hold
him, Growler. boy, hold him. Bear it
father, bear it; it'll be the making of the
pup"
THE following is copy of a telegraph
ic message handed into the office at Utica,
to be forwarded:
To George -
Sd Epistle John, Is, IA verses.
Signed Julia
Turn to your Bibles, lady readers, and
you will see that Julia saved money by
that operation.