Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1864-07-14
Replies to Contributors.
EY JOSH BILLINGS,

PERKINS: l have red yure peas on 90 Vim,
Minis Rites" thru and thru, and must say that
luv it. In my opinyan winnin has a rite to
dew emmy thing well but saw wood sawin
wood amt their stile; speshialli if the saw
buck is hi wun, it must NORTH them the
wust wa.
HAROLD: : uer genus is not fully born
yet; when it gets born think you will be a
poeck. You hay got imaginashun enuff tew
keep livery stable. Yure landguage is a
little too forid; did you ever travel in Flori-
da? Tri agin-I notis one of yure lines has
10 feet into it, and the next has only 9 feet 6
inches, Just six inches short Sum poiks are
born, and sum air MANUFACTURED the manu-
tacturd ones air the most stiddyist, tha amt
SO ap to banker after mint juiips. Yu ought
to 60 up garrett when you practis, most awl
good poeckry has been rit up garrett.
AEsoLUM: Iure lettar came saif te hand
In repli beg leaf to stait that / am not the
Edditur. l think the edditur, if he waz tu
hum, wud give yu employment. The sample
of yure stiie, which you enkloze, is smoethe.
Yu are evident slippery writer. There IL a
great demand, jist nov, for contributors ;
thares the sanatars fund and the kontraband
fund, the General Mcclellan pus fund, and
the furrin mishun, and the pints and bread
for ireland, and pasifc raj road stok and
swoads of Brigadeer Generals, and soup for
the suffering, and the taxes; yu had better
cum rite on, you kant fale tew get some Of
these jobs. Respectfulla yurs-J. B.
MILO Mex week we shall give yure cent?
ments On Golf to the publik. l think jst
sdzackly az WI dew John B. Golf iz huge on
a lektur. He has got the art oV mOtioning
out what he scz and what he don't sa. He
wud have made fust-rate thsater. One Of
b is lecture wud reed good deal Ito man
who did not understand Musk) like the notes
of yankee doodle You kant reduse what he
sez tow rting, emmy more than WI kan play a
sky rocket on juise harp. Yu never saw
ennything he ever sed in nuzepaper, re-
porter might as well undertake tew rite up
the report ov shooter, az tew report him.
Kant inform yu, credibly, how much money
he has maid a lekturing, awl kan say IL If
he gets S1O0 mite, and texture 500 mites in
a year, it amounts tew 5000 annooally.
kant inform yu tew ded certaintce whether
he liz married or not if he is married I'll bet
setin ov hens eggs that kurtan lektur in
that familee wouldn't pa for the advertizing
HARD ROAD: Yure essa has some good
hits in it, but it is not just the thing for re-
igus nuzepaper, like ours; send it to Wilkes
Spirit, paper that knows how to talk hoss
l will merely suggest that predigree is not
important for fast trotting hoss; if he kin
trot fast, never mind the predigree. There
liz a CRATE menny fast men, even, who halnt
got predigree. There aint much art In
driving trotting hoss just hold them back
hard, and holler them ahead hard, that's awl
A hoss will not trot the fastest down hill, es-
psshilla if the brching brakes Kuller is no
A.;t-:- L~-~ ~cl -,,An-- hesoee, OF
awl kullers, excep green 1 never Gee a mean
one of this kuller. Hoses liv tew an hoaor-
able old age, and have often seen them full
ly prepared for death. Heathings are wus
kind tew hosses; it is only amung Christian
people that hoss haz to trot 8 mile heats in
hot da, for $25 900 in kounterfeit mummy.