The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1864-12-06
Baby.Ol0gy.

IF there is anything Of which I am
positively afraid, it is a baby-a' real
live, genuine, long-white-gowned baby.
/ like little ducks, chickens, turkeys;
and pigs are quite admissible. But a
little, bald-headed, red-faced, tender
eyed, mouth-puckered baby is inadmis-
sable. | am very courageous youth;
/ hardly know the feeling of fear, but
deliver me from entering room where
am liable to be asked to hold some
body's ''dcar baby!' / rather hold a
bag of cats. / am afraid to hold the
Hing with any degree of tenacity, for
fear of squeezing it to death, and if /
do not hold it fast, l am afraid it will
fall to pieces. If / look at it, it sets
up squall, and if / do not look at it, it
upsets itself.
Besides making me tremble with fear
and horrible apprehensions, a baby
nonpluses me. Ineither know how to
act, what to say, which way to look,
or what to do with myself So with a
species of desperation unknown under
any other circumstances, ! grab por-
ton of the garments on either side Of
the bundle of flesh and hang on! To
keep my stomach from turning treason
able, l call up all the prose and poetry
l ever read, to help me to believe that
they are sweet, angelic, and the other
pretty things that some women and a
few men have written about, but new
er could see where the dear adjectives
| a1 II Ior fan
why some persons will go long did
tance just to see baby, when l would
go as far the other way to avoid it.
When you have seen one you have
seen the whole craft, for they all look
alike. Some one in the RURAL, some
time ago, says he "would recommend
no man to marry woman who says
Il hate babiesp" and adds that such a
one ''is not fit to be a wife," &c. So /
infer if baby is brought into room
full of young women, the one who
makes the greatest pow-wow over it,
and thinks Heaven has one in every
niche and corner, and Earth is render
ed Paradise by their presence, she is
the one who would make model mar
ried woman. do not deny his state
ment. / rarely indulge in newspaper
c6nfiicts-I have too much regard for
editors. On the contrary, l think
'Lead Pencil' is correct, for 81 mosi
thoroughly dislike babies! Even when a
) little five-year-old girl, if one came to.
ward me with baby, would run as
if thousand snakes were after me-
But being considerably older now,
kill the snakes but run from the babies
So ! suppose, according to "Lead
Pencils" phraseology, when a marri
agable man meets me, he ought tc
turn away and run for dear life. That
woull hardly be advisable, for having
a profound passion for initiating broad
cloth, ! might "put" after him, and
bless him! Gust imagine how tina,
would lookD he would think his time
had come, surely.
One of my neighbors said to me the
other day, 81 think you would make 6
magnificent married woman, but mo 81
abomiaabie old maid!" Now my neigh
Dor is a grandmother and one of the
most sensible women / know, and
, when she said ''magnifcent" she mean,
everything from splendid to loving; ant
when she said "sbominable", she meant
everything, from good to elsrsr. or what
is the same, from disogreeable to obnor'
ious. But with all due respect tc
) 'Lead Pencil" / think my neighbol
knows better than he--at least like
: her better, for think she told me th'
truth, especially in the latter part o
, her remark, which I will venture t
say no one will deny. - :"
Rural New Yorker.