The Portland daily press., 1864-08-08
Counting.
BIZ JOSH BILLINGS.

Counting 10 a luxury, it is salad, II Is Use
water, 1t Is the pla spell ov the soul. The
man who has never courted haZ lived In vane
he has ben blind man amung Landscapes and
waterskapes; he has been def man in the
land of hand Origins, and by the side ov muir
muring cannais. Counting liz like 2 little
springs OF soft water that steal out from I'M
der rock at the fut OF mountain and run
down the hill side by side singing and dams
Ing and scattering each luther, eddying and
frothing and kaskading, now hiding under the
bank, now full OF sun and now full OF shadder
till bimeby tina jine and then tina go slow. /
am In faver ov long counting; Ii gives the par
ties chance to find out each uthers trump
kards, 1t is good exercise, and Is just as inner
sent as merino lambs. Counting Is like
strawberries and cream, wants 10 be did slow,
then yu git the faver. / hav saw folks cir
acquainted. fall in luv, git marrid, settle
down and git TO work, In 3 weeks from date.
This Is jist the wa sum folks larn traid, and
accounts for the CRATE number ov slmitey
mean mecanicks we hav, and the poor Jobs
tina turn out.
Perhaps il is best shud state sum good ad-
wise tn young men, who are about tew court
with final view TO matrimoney, az it was =
In the fust plase, young man, yu want tn git
yure systim awl rite, and then find young
woman who is willing TO be courted on the
square. The next thing is to find out how old
she IL, which yew can dew by asking her, and
she will sa that she is 10 years old, and this
yew will find won't be far from out ov the wa
The next beat thing Is tew begin moderate !;
say onse every mite in the week for the fust
six months, increasing the dose az the pa
sheint seems tew require 1t. 1t IL ftist rate
WA TO court the girls mother leetle on the
start, for there is one thing a woman never
despizes, and that liz, little good counting. if
II Is done strickly on the square. After the
fust year yew will begin tew be ackquainted
and will begin to like the Dizziness. There
10 one thing alwus advise, and that is, not TO
swop fotograffs oftener than onse In 10 daze
unless yew forgit how the gal looks. Okla
sionally yew want tew look sorry, and draw
in yure wind Is tho yew had pane, this will
set the gal tew teazing yew tew find out what
ais yew. Evening meetings are good thing
tn tend, 1t will keep yure religion In tune !;
ana then If the gal happens TO be thare, by
acksident, she can ask yew tew go hum with
her. Az gineral thing | wouldn't brag on
other gals mulch when was co1rting; it
mite look as tho yew knu tew mulch. Ii yu
will court three years In this wa, awl the time
on the square, il yew don't say it is leetle
the slickest time in yure life, yew can git
measured for hat at mi expense, and pa for
IL Don't court for mummy, nor buty, nor re-
lsshuns; these things are just about az the
Kerosene lie refining Dizziness, liable TO git
out ov repair and bust at emmy minute. Court
gal for fun. for the love yu bear her, for the
yartue and Dizziness there is in her; court
her for wife and for a mother, court her as
you would court farm for the strength ov
the sie and the perfeckshun of the title
court her as tho she want fule, and view
nuther; court her in the kitchen, in the
parior, over the wash tub, and at the pianner
court this wa. young man, and If yew don't
git good wife, the falt won't be Ia the court
Ing. fung man. yew can rely upon Josh
Billings, and II yu can't make these rules
work, just send for him and he will sho view
how the thing Is did, and it shant kost yew
cent