davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

A man in Miami, Conn, recently ap-
piled for marriage certificate, and, with
out noticing that wrong name was in
scribed as that of the lady, fastened with
his bride elect to clergyman, and the
twain were made one flesh Next day he
was led to look at the document by an
advertisement, and then found out the
error. Turning to the object of his affec-
tion with an excited yet tremulous voice,
he exclaimed; "Maria, mistake has been
made, am married to the wrong woman
You are not my lawful wife" Maria
gave glance at the document and with
ahalfdrawn sigh answered ats no use
fretting, Jeremiah-it's too late now."
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

a Father and his son were jogging
comfortably towards neighboring town.
when the father volunteered the following
advice: "Now, my sonny, says he, "when
you get there, you keep your mouth shut,
and no one will find out that you are a
fool" When they arrived at the public
inn, there happened to be several gentle
men present who had a pleasant word and
smile for the youth, but all their injuries
failed to elicit any replies from him, when
a gentleman spoke to a friend in an un,
dertone, 81 guess that boy must be a fool, .
Whereupon the boy hearing this called
out to his father, "Father, they've found
it outw
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
A Good OCCUPATION.

"Pete," comical son Of the Emerald
Isle, who carried wood and water, built
fires, &C., for the "boys" at Hamilton
College, is as good specimen of the ge-
nus Hibernian as ever toddled in bro
gan. One of the students having occa-
sion to reprove him one morning for de-
linquency, asked him where he expected
to 90 to when he died.
expect to go to the hot place" said
Pete without wincing.
"And what do you expect will be your
portion therc?" asked the soph., solemn
ly.
"O," growled the old fellow, as he
brushed his ear lazily with his coat tail,
"bring wood an water for the boys"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
Touching Incident Of the War.

After the battle of Bean Station, East
Tennessee, the rebels were guilty OF all
manner of indignity toward the slaln.-
They stripped their bodies, and shot all
persons who came near the battle field to
show any attention to the dead. The
body of a little drummer boy was left
naked and exposed. Near by, in hum
BILE house, there were two little girls, the
eldest but sixteen, who resolved to give
the body decent burial. They took the
night for their task. With hammer and
nails in hand, and boards on their shoul-
ders, they sought the place where the body
of the dead drummer boy lay. From
their own scanty wardrobe they clothed
the body for the grave. With their own
hands they made a.rude coffin, into which
they reverently put the dead boy. They
dug the grave, and lowered the body into
it and covered it over. The noise OF the
hammering brought some of the rebels to
the spot. The sight was too much for
them. The stiffness of the night-the
story so eloquently told by the heroic la
bors of the little girls Not word was
spoken, no one interfered, and when the
sacred rights of burial were performed all
separated, and the little drummer boy
sleeps undisturbed, in his grave on the
battle field Such tenderness and heroism-
deserve to run along the line of coming
generations with the story of the woman
who broke the alabaster box on the feet
of the Savior, and with her who of her
penury cast her two mites into the trca-
sury.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
Influential Dwarf.

The Rochester Democrat, mentioning
visit Of Joseph Lefel, of Springfield, O.
hio, to the former city, says:
ale is the smallest business man in
the world, and, indeed, quite an atom as
compared with Geneal Tom Thumb, Mr..
Lefel being only forty-four inches in
height, aud weighing but ffty-fve
pounds! Mr. Lefel is now thirty two years
of age. He is an itelligent, able bodied
handsome featured man, and sports a
moustache that would really do credit to
the Scotch giant. He has filled the Office
of supervisor in Springfield, and is regard
ed as one of the most pubiic-spirited
citizens of that place. He is about tc
marry Miss Sarah b. Belton, who is
smaller than Mrs. Thumb, and was for
merly buttons maid of honor:
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

Here is the last specimen brick in the
line of confidence games: "a woman in
Cincinnati having an earthed vessel in
her aporn, entered grocery store and
bought pound of coffee. Removing
the lie, she propped the coffee in said YES
sci, replaced the lid, and was about to pay
for it, when she discovered she had for
gotten to bring her money. Not to have
her honesty suspected, she said she would
leave her purchase till she went home
and got money, and accordingly set her
crockery Oh the counter, where it itremained
until the grocer thought something must
be wrong, and on removing the lid he
found there was no bottom to the vessel,
of course the woman had gone off with
the coffee in her apron.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
THE PUZZLED CENSUS TAKER.

s BY JOHN G. sAXE.
SCOT any boys?" the Marshal said
To lady from over the Rhine;
And the lady shook her flaxen head,
And civilly answered "nine ~
Got any girls!" the Marshal said
To the lady from over the Rhine;
And again the lady shook her head,
And civilly answered 'niae :"
"But some are dead 2" the Marshal said
To the lady from over the Rhine;
And again the lady shook her head,
And civilly answered "nine!''
Husband, of course !" the Marshal said
To the lady over the Rhine;
And again she shook her faxen head,
And civilly answered "mine ~
"The ID you have!" the Marshal said
To the lady from over the Rhine;
And again she shook her faxen head,
And civilly answered miner
"Now what do you mean by shaking your head
And always answering "ninc! :"
"Ich kcnn NIGHT English;;' civilly said
The lady from over the Rhine.
'lNein' pronounced nine, is the German for no.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

Artemas Ward hits large class of
noisy demagogues, when ne says, 81 have
already given three cousins to the war.
and stand ready to send my wifc's broth
er next, if necessary. Yes, and-if the
wust comes to the wust,-I stand reddy
to sacrifice all my wifc's relations This
rebellion must be skwushed, if it takes
the livee of all my friends aud feller cit
iZens."
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

~ Col Bartlett, now of the 54th
Massachusetts,, was, in 1861, a student at
College, enlisted as a private in the Goth
Massachusetts,, and soon rose to captaincy
He lost leg at Yorktown, but procured
a wooden substitute and rejoined his reg
iment At Post Hudson he was shot
through the wrist and foot, and returned
home. Recovering, he raised another
regiment, and now goes again to fight for
the Union. He is only a years of age.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
NO. ID.
The National Debt,

The public debt of the United States
on the 10th May, as has been ascertained
from an official source, stood as follows:
Debt bearing interest in coin, SS12,S26,-
162, the interest thereon being 49,472,-
ia; debt bearing interest in currency,
$404, 191 ,935 ;interest, So, 100 ,429; debt
bearing no interest, 500, ,220, ,314. To-
tai debt, 81, ,726, ,248,41l; interest, s71,-
582,144.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

One by one they are coming BACK to
the loid. Jeremiah Clemens, au eminent
son of Alabama, formerly Senator in
Congress, and an enemy of Secession un-
til Treason swept him away, is now in
Washington. He is said to be anxious
for the return of Alabama to the Union
an event that will soon be accom-
plished, if Sherman keeps on his thund-
ering march.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

SINGULAR.-A soldier of the 1st Pa
Cavalry, in the Potomac Army, was a
short time since found asleep near War
renton, Va, having slept "a hours. He
stepped up to his captain and said, cap
tain, | die tomorrow at 4 o'clock, and the
war will end in June. You have DO more
for me to do" AS the clock struck 4 on
the following day he died without groan.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

l cannot say that | sympathise with
you, sir, in commiserating the sufferings
of our heroic soldiery, for think it must
be "Sweet to die for ones country
'Why don't you go to the war then ?'-
go, well, that is-ah Indeed, | must
say, l nccer did tHc stseet things"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

rea.A Quartermaster of the Confederate
cruiser Alabama, who deserted and took
the oath of allegiance at Singapore, has
recently arrived in New Bedford.
Perseverng mediccr;ty is much more
respectable, and unspeakably more useful,
than talented inconsistency,
Never violate pronise-always speak
the truth-be industrious-be hoaest---
and you will do well.
Resy 1t would be bad thing for child
to get wasp in his mouth, but be can't
even say his alphabet without y b in it.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

CHILDHooD.-Childhood is like mir
ror, catching and rejecting images. One
impious or profane thought, uttered by
parents lips, may operate upon the young
heart like careless spray of water
thrown upon polished steel, staining it
with rust, which no aftcr-scouring can
efface
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

ng. A female witness at the Court of
Sessions, the other day, who was asked
what business her husband followed, said
he was engaged in 'fnishing." Further
explanation was necessary, and after a
brief examination she continued, Elm
ishing his time in Sing Sing Prison"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
szsg Two countrymen went into hat

sg Two countrymen went into hat
ter's to buy one of them hat. They
were delighted with sample, inside the
crown of which was inserted looking
glass: "What is the glass forI" said one
the men. The other, impatient at such
display of rural ignorance exclaimed /:
"What for? why for the man who buys
the hat to see how It fits him."
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
NJ Some music teacher once wrote

III Some music teacher once wrote
that the "Art of playing on a violin re-
quires the incest perception and the most
sensibility of any art in the known world "
Upon which an editor comments in the
following style: "The art of publishing
a newspaper, and making it pay, and at
the same time have it please everybody,
beats iddlin' higher than kite"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

"What church do you attend, Mrs
Partinston?' "Oh, any paradox church
where the gospel is dispensed with. =
The old lady won't be troubled to find
place on that platform"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

e@~ The paper having the largest cir
culation in the world is now said to be
that issued by Secretary Chase. It's an
extremely loyal publication, too. Itsup-
ports both the Administration and the
Union.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
re- This is the way the Rebel Gen,

Forrest manages to obtain recruits: A
squad of soldiers is sent into a town or
district, where they represent themselves
as being on furlough, resolved on enjoying
good time. and determined to spend
their money freely. They treat every
one well several days, never attempting
to molest even their known enemies, in
order to disarm suspicion; and then, at a
preconeerted time, they capture every
male person between the ages of l6 and
so, and march them off to camp.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

ss- "John," said father to his son
one day, when he caught him shaving
the down on his upper lip, ''don't throw
your shaving water out where there are
any barefooted boys, for they might get
their feet pricked."
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

IdlenGss is the mother of mischief-the
moment a horse is done eating his oats, he
turns and gnaws down his manger Sub
stitute labor for oats, and virtue for man.
ger, and what is true Of horses is equally
true of men.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

cay An eccentric preacher, in his adj
dress to his congregation lately observed
that "there is as much chance for drum
ken man to enter the kingdom of Heav-
en-, as there is for pig to climb up an
apple tree and sing like nightingale.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
On the 26th ult., at White Creek, We

On the 26th ut, at White Greek, YER
mont, Jabez Knapp, at the tender age of
S3, was married to Thankful Williams,
who was only ST. The census shows that
Vermont ie almost stationary in porula-
ton. IF this style of marriages prevails
to any extent, there can be no surprise at
the facts told by the census.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

ra~ An army chaplain, preaching to
his soldiers, exclaimed: IF God be with
US who can be against us?' ''JeT. Davis
and the devil! promptly exclaimed one
of the boys.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

by~ Woman is the last and most per-
feet work of God Ladies are the produc-
tious of silk worms, milliner and dress
makers.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

RAJ Nobody ever lost anything by
loye," said a sage looking person
"That's not trne," said young lady, who
heard the remark, "for once lost three
nights sleep"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

An oil-farm in Western Pennsylvania
has been sold for the enormous sum Of
five hunderd and fifty thousand dollars.
1t contains several priceless oil-wells.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

Prentice thinks that if things go in the
Sonth as they arc now going on, the sol
diers will soon get to be as naked as 50
many ladies in a ballroom.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

re-. a man. cannot possess anything
that is better than good woman, nor a
nythlng that is worse than a bad one!
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

Il say, Bill asked an insulting fellow,
why is your hat like giblet pie?'
'Give it up
why because there's goose's head in
it,
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
VOL. %.
Published by Theodore SchOch.

TERNS-Two dollars year in advance-and If not
Maid before the end of yeaI, dollars and twen
ty FIVE cts will be charged
No paper discontinued until all arreaIages paid,
except at the option OF the Editor.
UAdvertisements of one square of uen lmes) or
less one or three insertions 81 co. Each additional
insertion 25 cents. Longer ones in proportion.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

Asa. What is that which every one
wishes for, and yet tries to get rid Of it?
Ans.-A good appetite.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

rg Tom Murphy has such ercel3ent
spirits that he has only to drink water to
intoxicate himself.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

sEr A down east editor says that mod
esty is quality that highly adorns wo-
man, but ruins man.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

sGr Cannon like locomotives, go off
with tender behind.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26

s@- An old maid, speaking of mar
riage, says it is like any other disease
while there's life there's hope.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
lob PRINTING.

OF ALL KINDS,
Executed in the highest style of the Art and on Il
most Reasonable terms.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1864-05-26
The Decencies of Life.

'.Nein' pronounced nine, is the German for
Litchfield enquirer., 1864-01-07

Bishops Brovneh and Williams have issusia sn address so the Episcopal Church Parishea Tn tAs Diocese of Connecticut commenting to their earnest consideration the condition of
 many of the clergy, in reference to their a.,s-
 ries. in this period of the advanced and advan. cling prices of all the necesssries of life. w. wish i" Father Cook of the Ansericcn" vonld issue similar edict about editors-Ne,o Ra. cen Journal.
 The suggestions Of our worthy cOtsmporary so far ss the prices of Newspapers are con- cernsd, are both just and proper. A year ago the great advance upon white paper designed Tor printing, snd other materials used in our business, made 1t absolutely necessary for the publishers, to save themselves from dead loss. to add small advance upon the hitherto sub seriptloa rates which were always too low in this State, compared with others, A Copvsn- ton of the publishers was called, which rssvl. tea in resolution, aftsrward upAnimou.lv adopted by the press, to add moderate pss. centage to former prices ot subscription. where the terms now rexlain. InstssI how eVer' or paper and other materials usad ia the. business, going down, publishers are uow pav-
 ing still higher for paper, &c., than a year ago. to say nothing of the high prices paid for every article of consumption shat enters into business or family expenses. Though these rates leave
 publishers ot papers but little margin for prof lts' infinitely less than any other business requiring the sane amount of capital and labor we have heard of no intention among ,ha sratt to advance them at present. We trust that newspaper readers generally will appreciate
 the sacrifices made by the press in their behalf and in some measure alleviate their pacuniary perpiexitiss byprompt paymsnts.-- Waterbury American,
Litchfield enquirer., 1864-01-07
SSV The Hartford papers are engaged

ssr The Hartford papers are engaged in discussing the appointment of Mir. Henry Hammond to the office of U. s. Marshal for this State. Of course, there are two opinions on the subject of the fitness of the object, and ope of these.opinions is urged very strenuous ly by the Press, and the contrary by the Ceur. ant. Back of these seem to stand two very worthy gentlemen, one U. S. Senator, and the other an Ex-Collector of Hartford. We believe these gentlemen differ also upon this. and several other subjects. Hence the war.
 When the great rebellion is crushed, and peace is restored, and the Millennium comes. we shall expect ts hear that this little feud has been settled and shall hope tq see James and Mark sitting amieably together in Abra hams bosom. like two sucking doves, and singing psalms of peace to each other and all the world beside. And not till then.
Litchfield enquirer., 1864-01-07
MARRIED.

In this town, on New Years day, at thsres- Richards. Mr. Horace N. Williams, of Nsura- tuck, to Miss Lois A. Bishop, of this place.
 In this town, New Years Eve, by Rev. Wm. Lawrence, MT. Walter D. Munson. and Mias Emily M. Wood, both of this place.
 The printer was remembered. [,
 lp Torringford, Dec. 24th. by Rev. Mfr. Dv- CT, Mr. George Colt and Miss Mareare.te E daughter of Richard ". Griswold, sli of Tor. ringfsrd -s
Litchfield enquirer., 1864-01-07

cent speech that these articles were presented as New Years offering to their pastor. Be- side cutter, &c., Mir Howe received other pres ents, mostly ;n Cash, amounting to $1Oc, ,00- making all the gifts of tAe evening reach the neat sum of $2O0. Quite an earnest way of wishing minister :. Happy New Year.''
 The people of this parish have recently raised sbou, $500, for the purpose of repair ing their church and fitting up Conference Room.
Litchfield enquirer., 1864-01-07

SOUTH CANAAN.-The people of South Ca assembled ct the Parsonage on New Years evening, to make their pastor visit Early in the evening, Mir. Howe was called to the door and found there his horse, which had been borrowed in the morning by.ons of his parishioners, attached to fine new cutter furnished with buffalo robes, lap blanket and whip, aad having on new harness. One of the number present informed MT. H., in re-
Litchfield enquirer., 1864-01-07

DEATH or ARCHBISHOP HUGHEs.-Johu Hughes, Archbishop of New York. died on Sunday evening about o'clock, at his resi- dence, in Madison Avenue. The New York Tribune says :-
 He was born in the North Ireland, in 179s, and was consequently 65 years of age. He was the son of respectable farmer of small means, and emigrated to this country in 1917. His father, whe had preceded him, placed him with florist to learn the art of gardening, but, having taste for study, he fitted himself and entered the theological seminary of Mount St. AarJs, Emmit.sburg, where he remained for several years. being employed almost from the first ss teacher He vss ordained first ia Philadelphia. in lszs, and was settled in . parish ia that city. In 1890 he discussed in the newspapers with the Rev. John Bssckin- ridge the question, "Is ths Protestant religion the religion of Christ ?' The articles attract. cd SO much attention that they were collected in volume, which had wide circulation. In 1854 he had another discussion with Mr Brsck. inridge ss the champion of his creed. In l833 he founded St. Johns Ckurch in Philadelphia In 1886 hs wss appointed ceadjutor 10 Biskop Dubois of New York. Ia 1889 Le was ap- pointed Administrator to the diccese, and in 1872 he succeeded to shs dignity of Bishop. lie effected various reforms, visited France Italy and Austria to obtain pecsniary aid, foun- ded St. Johns College .t Fsrdham, attempted to obtain State aid for tho Catholic schools and established a theological seminary at Ford ham. In lS45 hs went to Europe, and pro- cured the services of some of the Jssui.s, Chris tsn Brothers, and Sisters of Mercy. In 1850, New York was made all archispiscopai see, and he went to Rome to receive the pslium at the hands of the Pope. In 1854 lie vent to Rome again to attend the definition of the dogma of the immaculate conception. On bis return he had the famous controversy with Ersstus Brooks, growing cut of the Church property question. In August, 1858. he laid the cor ner stone of the new Cathedral at the corner of Fifth Avenue and F.fty-frst street. His public services dusing the rebellion are too re- cent to require mention,
Litchfield enquirer., 1864-01-07
BY HTS ExcEILENCx WILLIAM A. BUCKINGHAM, GOVERNOR or THE STATE or coKrEoricUT,
PreClamatiOR,


 WHEREAS, ]" An Act to provide for the pay . ment of g bounty to Volunteers" approved November 18th. 1863, authorizes the Governor. to extend, at his discretion beyond the 5th day of January, 1864, the time within which persons who enlist and are mustered into the servies of the United. States, as part of the quota of Connecticut, shall be entitled to re- ceive the sum Of Three Hundred Dollars,
 TsssEFoRE, I, William A. Buckingbnm. Governor of the State of Connecticut. deem;ng it "needful for the public beneft" to haye. such sirse extended, until the General Asssm. ply shall again convene, hereby issue this. nv Proclamation, extending the time, to and ii. clsding the 18th day of January, 1884. vith;n which all persons who comply wi.k the nroyi. sions of the aforesaid Act, shah be entitled to the payments and bsnsfts therein named In witness whereof, have hersunto ..b- t-, scribed my hand and caused the seai L. g. of this State to bs affixed, as the city '~' of Hartford, this the second day of January, in the year of our Lord, one t6ous. and eight hundred and sixty-four.
 VIM. A. BUCKINGHAM. By His Excsllsncy's command,
 J. H TauMBULL, Secretary of Stats.
Litchfield enquirer., 1864-01-07

A neglected Cough, Cold, OF Sore Throat which might be checked by simpls remedy, like c. Broarn's BroncAial Iroclss," if allowed to progress may terminate seriously.
 For Bronchitis, Asthma, Catarrh, and Con . sumptive Coughs, tAe Trockes' are used with advantage giving oftentimes immeliats relief.
 room has bean opened in Philadslphia for the purpose of patching eggs by steam, sf ter the manner of the Chinese and the aucieuts. The Philadelphia nest is of abo At six hundred hen power