The Xenia sentinel. [volume] (Xenia [Ohio]) 1863-186?, 1864-06-07
Opposed to MatrimOny.

"Is your family opposed to matri-
mOnyH'
"Wal, no, I rather guess not, seein as
how my mother has had four husbands,
and stands pretty smart chance for having
another"
& -Four husbands Is it possible 2''-
"Oh, yes. You see, my mothers chris
tened name was Mehitable Sheets, and
dads name wa Jacob Press, and when they
got married they called it putting the
sheets g to press. When I was born,
they said 1 was the first edition.
An you see mother used to be the
tarnalist eritler to 60 to evenin meetin's.
She used to 90 pretty late every night,
an dad was afraid I'd get in the same
habit so he put me to bed at carly candle
light an covered me up with a pillar
an put me to sleep with a boot jack. Wal
dad had got up every night an let mother
in. If he didn't get down and open the
door pretty darned quiik when she come
/ he'd ketch particular thunder. So dad
used to sleep with his Lead out Of the
winder, SOS to wake mp quick, an' one
night he got his head too far out an slip
ped out altogether an down dad Gun,
oaRummux, right down on the pavement,
an smashed him IN ten thousand piec-
es
.sWhat was be killel by the fall"
Wal, no, not exactly By the fall
rather kinder sorter guess. as how it was
the sudden fetch up On the pavement that
Killed him. But nam she cum an found
him LAWN thar. an she had him swept up
together an put in a coffin, an had hole
dug in the buryin' ground, an had dad
put in an buried up, an' bad white oak
plank put up to his head an had it white
washed all over for a tombstone"
$50 your mother was left poor, lone
widow +
sWaI, yes, but as she didn't mind that
much, it wasn't long before she married
Sam Hide. You see she married Hide
because he was Just dads size, and she
wanted him to war out dads clothes. Wal
the way old Hide used to hide me was !
caution to my hide. Hide had little th'
toughest hide except a bulls hide, anC
the way Hide used to hide away the liquor
in his hide was a caution to bulls hide
Wal, one cold day old Hide got his bid,
so full of whisky that be pitched heac
first into snow bank, an, thar stuel
and friz to death. So mann had him pull
ed out an then she had another buryir
ground an had him buried an then SHE
had another white oak plank put up a
his head am white washed all over an
So your mother was once more a wild
Ow?''
sOb, yes, but I guess she didn't lay
awake long to think about it, for in three
weeks she married John Strong-an' he
was the strongest headed cuss you ever
did sec. He went ishinE one day am got
drowned, an he was so tarnal strong head
ed. I'll be darne1 to darnation, if he didn't
Aoat right. again the current, ,aut they found
him about three miles up the stream, an
/ it took three yoke of oxen to haul him out
Wal nam had him buried along side (
tothcr two, and had white oak plank put
up at his head and white-washed all ovel
I nice, so there's three on em all in a row.
"And your mother was widow for the
third time?'
Yes, nam didn't seem 10 mind It tarn.
al sight. The next fellow she married
was Jacob Hays, and the way she does
make him haze is a caution, now 1 tell you
If he does anything a little out of the way
nam makes him take bucket and white
wash brush an' go right up to the buryin
ground an whitewasi the three old planksi
lest to let him know what he may come Il
when sbe's planted him in the same row
and got married to the fifth husband. 5,
you see my family amt tarnal sight oppOs-
ed to dose of matrimOny."