The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1864-07-23
VA RIETY.

silent wag-the wag Of dogs tail.
To what tune does the sing! Neptune.
When you bury animosity don't set tomb stone
its grave.
"Come in out of the wet," as the shark said when
he swallowed the boy.
The most mschievous liars are those who keep
sliding on the verge OF truth.
Why can not the Emperor Napoleon insure his
life Because can be found who make
out his policy.
Why can you never expect a fsbmonger to be
liberal or generous Because his business makes
him selfish (sell fish,
STAPLE CoNUNDRUM.-Why is the horse the
most miserable of anmals' Because his thoughts
always the rack.
A pet lap-dog having bitten piece ont Of mans
leg, the heartless mistress exclaimed '' Poor Ponto
l hope il won't make him sick ~
Whose best works are most trampled on. a shoe.
makers; because good shoes last longer than bad
THE BUDGEr OF FUS.-A young lady says the
she carries plrasol is. that the of the
masculine gender, and she cannot Withstand his
ardent glances--A polite gentleman OF this city
begs his own pardon every time he tumbles down,
and thanks himself politely when he gets up again
Slid n pretty little girl -" 'Tis too bad
You always send me to bed when am not sleepy;
and you always make get up when sleepy -
IF you doubt whether TO kiss pretty girl,
give her the benefit of doubt and 90 in --No
man was ever AnOHn 10 De lOuEu drowned with s.
receipt from printer in his pOcket.--A Mr.
Twist got married n Miss Lynch, in Indiana lately.
He got Lynched and she twisted.--A wag said
~ loved my wife first. For the first two
months felt II could eat her up; and since,
I've been sorry l diiu't.''--'' Good morning,
Mr.. HsApeck, have you any daughters that would
a wife that would make a first rate derH -
Douglas. DEAR said Douglas Jerrold's wife, ap
pealiug him in small feminine dispute. g. do you
think that l generally bad tempered 30 .' No,
n lAriv
When is a out of date' When he's a weak
back.--A contemporary asks If throw
any light upon kissing. We don't want to-the
thing is done just as we'll in the dark.--During
at examination, medical student being asked the
question. When does modification ensue?" replied
- When you pop the question and answered
no."--A married man, reading the other day
that there prospect Of the plague visiting US,
said: '' COnfound the plague I've been living
with for years, and am quite used it,
--" John, you seem TO gain flesh every day; the
grocery business agree with you. What did
you weigh last 80 q" Well, Simon really don I know;
but il strikes it pound of sugar''--
Several nice young gentlemen went to the residence
of young damsel to give her serenade. After
some time, the servant stepped out, and walking up
the harpist, exclaimed :-'' My friend, the folks
all abed; you can't get here tonight -
-'' What do you call this - said Jones tap
ping his breakfast lightly with his fork Call it ~
snared the landlord what do you call it 80
We'll, really said Jones, Il don't know; it
hasn't quite hair enough in i; for plaster but there's
leetle too much in it for hash ''--In one of the
courts OF Hartford, Conn, recently. n woman was
testifylng behalf OF her sou, and swore that he
worked farm since he was born The
lawyer, who examined her, said You ssser,
that your son has worked a farm ever since no
was born ." . do 80 What did he do the 6rs,
year.' .. He milked,'' she replied The whole
court laughed heartily, aud the witness was oues-
toned further--" Husband, l have the
asthma bad that can't breathe.' " WELL NV dear
1 wouldn't try; nobody wants you to.''--why
country girls cheeks like French calico Because
they warranted TO wash and retain their color
- John, how l wish il as much the fashion
TO trade wives to trade horses.''--s. Why So
Diek2'' I'D cheat somebody most shockingly be-
fore night."--'' Why, John, don't think you
ike liver" 30, yes" said John, 81 like it very
well for nifty sixty meals. but don't like it for
steady diet" The old lady cooked something else
Tor the next meal--The man who got the last
word In the dispute with woman, has been adyer-
tsed TO whistle wager against q locomorive--
An old oachelor Is traveller on lifes railroad who
has entirely Jailed to make the proper connections
~ lawyer IN tornented a witness co
much with questions that the poor fellow at last cried
for water. g There, said the Judge =. I tbonobt
you would pump him dry''--'. My dear" said
q husband to his asectionate better half after a
matrimonial squabble. - you will never be permitted
to 20 to Heaven Why uot.'' Ee.ansa cor,
VIII oe wanted a torment down below -
"heh does farmer act with great rudeness towards
MS eorn When he pulls its esrs.--Why is n
Ioconouve and the first following like man and
WHeE There's o tender attachment between them