Dayton daily empire. [volume] (Dayton [Ohio]) 1850-1865, 1864-01-26
II PAPERS OF
ALEXANDER MARION MELHORNE,
ON THE ISSUES OF THE DAY.
CLASSICAL RETREAT, Near Cucumber
City, December, 1863.

AAfs - ehN6N " NsAt " NNNtttNNtN.
Having heretofore averrod that my next
paper would be pertaining TO the draft, / would
here state that in consequence Of the said
draft having now been postponed, Elmira has
suggested the propriety Of postponing the sub
ject with so much force and ability, that the
undersigned will now do so in accordance
Herewith, merely stating under that head,
that the draft is admirably concocted so as to
extend a pretty feasible opportunity to poor
men, (having no 5000 to travel pretty cheap
on a free ticket, to see the country, and also
the elephant. The undersigned would conse-
quently embrace the present occasion, which
is here presented, TO recommend tho draft TO
the lovers Of nature and students of Zoology.
The elephant is n large and noble quadru-
ped, with his hair all pulled out. 1t is also
stated that the joints in his hind legs are put
in wrong end foremost, dame nature having
had a country boy learning the trade at that
time. This defeetment is seldom noticed,
however, by a person who ia in the habit OF
frequently being shot at, The elephant is
seen to best advantage, by gentlemen OF cul-
ture and refinement, when they are standing
picket on a dark raihyi night, or when they
are trying to sleep on a couple of rails, in pref
%erence to lying down in a creek-pretty hun
CRY at that. Under these circumstances, they
are liable TO feel as though they had been
sold out on 9 months credit, with approved
security. They realize the fact that they be-
long, body, soul and breaches, TO the "best
government in the world" and the gigantic
carcass of "the elephant in all his native
majesty, rises up before them as big as a 3
story poor-house. The spectacle was truly
imposing.
The elephant also assumes a horeuleAn as
pect to the appreciative conscript, when he
finds himself compelled to TO dig up a dev.
Ill of a great big stump, in consequence of hav.
ing said "booh p in a disrespectml tone, to
some ~egregious supercilieus snob with shout
derstraps thereon.
SO saying, Andrew, couldn't contain him
self any longer, whcreupon says he, 81 should
think a drafted man would be mighty sorry that
he hadn't been horn a slave, 80 that itwouldn't
60 60 hard with him to be one. And l wo'd
here inquire how a person with a good edu.
cation-havlng studied latin, read the elias.
sizes, and embellished his intellect by long
years Of study and retieotiOn-can endure life
as the inferior, and AFFECT tool OF n contemp
tible military fop that cant spell "bakerl"
ut must be a mighty splendid good govern
mOnt,' rejoined Elmira, with marked ability
that puts christian men to such heather u
ses-sueh as setGng them up to be shot at
at $l3 per month, and also giving them gum
and plenty OF ammunition TO shoot down 9th
er men. Anda mighty good government al
30, that would exile such a man as Mr.. Val
landighAm, because he had too much homo
to trade himself off for green backs, and too
much humanity, and christian charity, u
i stand by and behold without earnest protest
the s%tupendous crime Of black republioanisu
1.-THE inauguration ofA bloody fSatsrnAl war
Says l. "ElmirA, what you have said is toc
true. Mr.. Vallandigham knew that nothing
but peace could restore the Union and pre-
? serve our libertiea, and no knew that nothing
but war could destroy them and his dutl
WAS clear. MIR. Lincoln was very unreAsona
BILE to expect such a man as Val to be il
favor OF Strengthening a million or so of men
in order to demoralize the country, and put
: at tho mercy Of is monarehieal enemiesE
al 80
7 was mt he9 And that too, when every intelli
gent man in the countrywide didu'nt Low
4 the niger better than be did the preeept
y Of christianily-knew that a little patriotism
and good nature, was an that was necessary I
2 preserve the Union, the Constitution, Peace
\ and everything eIaA that was good end deaI
tFsble."
III Seeing that Andrew was aow a good der
excited, the undersigned stopped, so as 10 .
low him TO express hia sentiments with q
much ability as possible,
1s Says he, the greenbaek and the nigg'
q makes a strong team. They eau pun ov'
= things in a few minutes, that it'll take a Ion
tinse A. astuu again The Presidoni Of n