Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1864-09-05
The Perfecr Rrnte.


The perfect brute is always married.
No man at the mercy of managing
mother dares to assume the character.
He is generally stout and horid. and has
a wee little wife, with frightened eyes and
the figure of a broomstick, who trembles
at his nod as if he were sultan, and she
the humblest of slave girls. He wears his
hair short, and his whiskers in two bristly
patches under his cheek bones. His eye.
brows are drawn down into perpetual
frown, and his lips are always pursed'up
with al expression of sarcastic fault
finding. He rises in the morning in q
rage, and declares that he has not shirt
with button on, or stocking with toe;
raves on the subject till he wakes the baby
from its mornings nap; throws his boots
at his wiie's pet poodle, and declares that
if he Is to be disturbed every night BY the
canary he will wiring its neck. At break
fast nothing pleases him. The coffee is
weak, the toast is burnt, and the eggs are
hard. He wonders how Mrs. Jones man
ages to live so much better on half the
sum that is expended during the week in
his own establishment, and declares that
Mr.. ]. must be happy man winds up
by asking for the butchers book, and
growing over the items, until the little
that remains of his wite's appetite has
quite vanished. Breakfast over, be but
tons himself into his overcast shakes
Sally, boxes Johnny's ears, and departS,
coming back to say that she had better not
have too much dinner cooked to-day, -
he shall dine out. At night, If he returns
early, he disposes Of his tea in silence,
takes newspaper, and orders his wife to
send the children to bed. II she yawnS,
he turns upon her sharply, and informs
her that she did not use to cape during
their counting days and i abe could
"see fletcher" or hear Titians sing"
wonders why married women cannot re-
member that their place is by the 6reside,
before the altar of home. And II he re.
mains out late. is indignant If he finds her
setting up for him, and insulted If abe u
peacefully snoring in bed. The perfect
brute always finds fault with his wife's
attire, tells her she is "too scragEy to
wear tight MANTLE" or "too yellow 70
be seen in blue bonnet" Wonders how
she lost her complexion SO young, and ~
Rrets that she should always wear dole.
hi countenance. Nevertheless, II she
smiles, he elevates his eyebrows and in
ouires what she sees to laugh at" Ths
perfect brute has always reputation for
business talent and energy. His houses
always yield their rents regularly, and he
knows exactly where to invest capital IN
stocks. He is astonishingly candid, md
always speaks the truth If It happens 70 b
unpleasant. Lady visitors always hope
that he win not be at home when they
CAL, and his mother-in.law detests him.
He has habit Of flying into the kitrhsn
to give the servants warning wheneter
potato is badly boiled, and never Ands
dress-naker about the establishment with
out uttering holniIy on the subject Of
extravagance, and stating the fact that his
Kreat-grandmother wore the same lavande1
silk every Sabbath forfen yesn. N fact,
he makes himself 90 obnoxious 70 tha fair
sex, that they consider him sort Of nasu.
raj enemy, and, speaking of his VIII, say,
"Ah, poor Mrs. Smith |! what { pity Il 4
that such sweet girl q IL aAoula hAvo
married sueh . peEfsot hsuss z. s,S