American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-03-23
WIT AND WISDOM.

| ~ - - 1e&N ~ - ~Ah@s~ ~ AsAs
THERE is salutary censure and there
is envenomed praise.
LOVE and discretion are sworn foes
the former is nearly always the conqueror,
A YOUNG man affections are not always
wrong, but they are generally misplaced.
THE husband, who devoured his wife
with kisses, found afterwards that she dis
agreed with him.
IT is said the" ears" of the kett es in
which the mule meat was cooked at Vicks-
burg have commenced growing.
LET those who wish to see bright stars
IN the darkest night look at the American
flag.
ARTEMUs WARD thinks it hard thing
not to have wiie-no gentle heart to get
up in the morning and build fire.
IF any great artist wishes to get up a
painting to be called the picture of desc
lation, he had better get the rebel Con
federacy to set for him.
In polite society the stomach should be
spoken of as "The Bureau of the Inte-
rior." The cuphism is required by deli
cacy says " McSnob on Etiquette"
THE Southern lands are said not to be
we'll adapted torye. A cotemporary thinks
there are very good grounds there for
wry faces.
LIGHT PIEs.-A certain landlady, it is
said, makes her piesso light that her lodg-
ers can see to 60 tobed without candle
after eating a moderate sized piece.
=" MARRIAGE" >" said an unfortunate hus-
band, ais the church-yard of love-"
And you men, replied his wife, fare
the grave diggers."
A COUNTRY editor, praising success
full politician, called him lone of the
cleverest fellows that ever lifted hat to
lady, or boot to 'blackguard."
A LITTLE boy was asked the other day
if he was copperhead
No." said he, looking down at his
feet, I'm copper toes"
A CARPENTER took holiday and went
to Rockaway. When he returned home
his friends asked hinxyhat he saw.
"Why," he replied, II saw the sea,
and now / see a saw"
THE following is sharp: First party
=" you'll all come to the gallows some
day"
Second, or addressed party: Eyes, the
day you're hanged"
PAT DooLAN, at Gettysburg, bowed his
head to cannon ball which whizzed past
six inches above his bearskin.
Faith," says Pat, Zone never loses
anything by politeness.
"AH Jenny" said a sympathizing
friend to man who was just too late for
he train, "you did not run fast enough"
"Yes, l did" said Jenny, " ran fast
enough, but did not start soon enough" !"
A WAC, upon visiting medical muse
um, was shown some dwarfs and spcci-
mems of mortality all preserved iaAlcohol.
We'll" said he. Il never thought the
dead could be in such spirits"
A CASE OF MoDEsTY.-Ap exchange
paper very gravely informs us that young
man who was recently bathing in the Mis-
souri, river, seeing a number of ladies ap-
proach, drowned himself from motives of
delicacy.
SoUABBLEs, an old bachelor, shows his
stockings, which he had just darned, to
a maiden lady, who contemptuously re-
marks, "pretty good for man darner." ("
Whereupon squabbles rejoins, " good
enough for woman, darn her"
A GENTLEMAN who was in arrears for
several weeks board and lodging, com
planned one morning that his coffee was
not settled.
You had better settle for the coffee
and then complain" said the landlady.
A DRUNKEN youth got out of his cal
culation, and was doing in the street,
I
when the bells reused him by their ring
ing for fire.
"Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen
fourteen" cried he. Well, if this ISM
! later than / ever knew it."