The Portland daily press., 1864-08-17
w ednesday Morning, Aug. II, 1864.
Scenes in Steamboats,, Cars and Hotels,

Scenes in Steamboats, Cars and Hotels.
Lord Bacon hath written much and wisely
on travel. lie would have written a great
deal more on the same subject If he had lived
at the present day, when steamboats, and
rail cars have SO increased its comforts and its
trials.
Lord Bacon pronounced aphorisms. In
that respect l purpose to initiate Lord Ba-
con.
APHoRIsM.-The travelling public is the
sldue ofthe colored race.
am aware in writing this assertion for a
journal which has been accused OF leaning to-
wards abolitionism, may be doing an incon-
sistent thing; yet, nevertheless, 1 maintain
that i, as an iota Of the travelling public or
he, or she, or they, as iotas of the same, are,
all and singular, slaves of the eolored race
Ny aphorisin refers especially TO the North
river passenger navigation. The moment
you enter river steamboat you pass under
the yoke.
At The foot of the stairs to the saloon con-
traband stops you.
"Heh? what's the matter?"
"Can't take that bag upstairs, sah!'
"1es, but must, for my wife and family are
upstairs"
"Don't care, sab. Can't take valise In the
saloon. See the captain"
Hollow mockeryi Who can ever find the
captain? You are helpless and yield to your
fate. You convey your valise to another con-
traband, who for half q dollar-they are indif.
ferent to quarters now-wiIl stow il away for
you in his private room.
Sub jugun. You have yielded once. You
are now under the yoke.
Up in the saloon, wife and two marriageable
daughters await you with suggestion 10 20
out on promenade deck.
good suggestion, by Jupiter! a right
worthy and sagacious suggestion.
30 you go out on the promenade deck. OF
course the seats are all occupied. Wait my
love lthis to spouse,) Ill 90 In and get you q
chair Get two for us, pa this from fair and
blooming daughters.)
In the saloon once more. A foray on the
chairs. Three secured, and retreat with
success, though it must be confessed that the
carrying OF three chairs through a crowded
cabin is NOS an agreeable feat either to the
performer or TO the spectators.
Take care OF the lamp-thank you-beg
pardon-look where you're going-excuse me
--ahl thank you--just look out there what
you're about-take care what you're hittin'
my head for-keep them chairs away-what
the devil are you about-beg pardon.
Such the mosaic of conversation as the re-
treat proceeds.
Dul lne enemy Is III AMBUSH.
Near the door Of the outer deck you are con-
fronted by stalwart negro of the color Of cof-
fee and milk, who sternly orders you to put
down the load
AS Frank Bower says al Woods. "More sur
prise"
You argue with the contraband, You state
10 him that wife and two In terestine daugh-
tiers await you in much anxiety. He is ada
mantine.
Cant take them chairs out on deck.
Against orders"
"Well, III call the captain" say you in
bluster.
"yery well, ssh I'm only actin cordln TO
orders.'
So you yield; and either have to stand up
outside or sit down inside.
MORE ARoUr THE CHAIR NUISANCE.
Now this chair business on the North River
STEAMBOATS, Is an utter humbug, cheat and
an insult. Ii Is hunbug TO place In the sa-
looms chairs which can only be used in one
particular spot. 1t Is a cheat TO deny to
passenger seat on that part OF the boat
which he prefers; and it is au insult TO imply
that passenger Is such savage that he will
break the valued chair or whittle the back
thereof or stand upon the seat with his feet.
II mag be plainly asserted that all the travel
lers Oh the North River would prefer seats
they can sit on--eyen If only unpainted pine.
20 all the gaudy. velyet-cushioned chairs
which are considered too fne TO be used, and
which give such tawdry air to our steam
boat cabins.
sHREwD ExPEDIENTs.
"Inflrm of purposel give me the dagger
Were your wife lady of the strength of
character which marked the late lamented
Lady Macbeth, she might come to the rescue
herself and sieze the chair. But as she is
only quiet, modest creature, she simply
grumbles and yields.
| would urge in this case brute force.
would have the traveller grasp the chair with
all his force, and insist on carrying il on the
deck, and II forcibly driven from II by the col
ored waiter, would have him bring an ac-
tion for assault and battery; bnt as this de-
manding too much moral and physical cour-
age for most mortals, / will also suggest
diplomatic expedieuts suitable for weaker
minds.
For instance, ST, down In chair in the sa-
loon, and read your newspaper-that Is, ap-
parently; but all the time keep your eye on
the Cerubus Of a waiter, and when his atlen-
tion is distracted, suddenly slip through the
door with the prize.
A good plan is to have confederate to call
off the waiter on pretence of wanting to
find his state room. or course you take ad-
Vantage Oh MS aDseDCt.
Ii Is with pain that record the fact that
the lady dodge has lost its efficacy. "a chair
for lady" is phrase which now falls dead
on the ear Of Cerebus.
THE PEN sYsTEm
This has nothing to do with the pen that is
mightier than the sword-but with the pen in
which animals are driven. Every morning
when the boat nears the wharf, it is the Gus
tom on the North River steamers for a waiter
70 order every one of the promenade decks
into the saloon, and then lock them In. The
excuse FOR this miserable little bit of sense.
less despotism is that some passengers may
be on board who may not have bought tick
cts, who may possibly jump Off the boat on
the DOCK and escape paying their fare. So q
thousand passengers are penDed up for a hal
hour in the close saloons.
THE sTArE-RooM HUMBue,
II is the custom on some of the North l2,v
er boats to retain most of the state-rooms "a,
"car passengers" Why "car passengers Ar
so vastly to be preferred to other travelling
mortas it is not easy TO see, but such is III,
fact Get on boat at Albany at an earl,
hour, and ask for state aoom.
"All gone," saws the clerk, in a snappisl
way, as If you were begging for quarter {
q dollar.
Now the statement of the clerk is simpl
falsehood. He knows very well that Will
perhaps hundred rooms are engaged by tele
graph. two hundred at least are not engage
at all, but are kept over for some mysteriou
reason. IL is we'll known TO many traveller:
that before the war, when the southerns tray
eled on the Hudson, they would readily Off
five dollars for state-room; and In spite
the assertion that all the rooms were takel