The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1864-12-09
VOLUME x1, NUMBER 80.
Spare Lines.

WHY u SCOttuUu ukc tuo IUtetutt reGtOn9 Z
Because II Is the land Of immortal Burns.
The cloak of religion Is to be known some-
times by the fine nap It has during sermon.
Tho man who tried to steep the bark Of .
dog in the waters Of eternal youth, 10 now
endcvorins to invoke tho muse OF cat.
Sel6shness Is its own curse; Il is q starr.
ing vice. The man who does no good gets
none.
Wit may serve as n ehield 10 defend our.
selves, hut should not bs used as d weapon
for the injury of others.
It is stated that all babies born after tho
4th Of March next, must DO stamped to bs
legitimate.
Ifa bear wero to go into o linen'drapers
shop. what would he want? Hewould want
muzzlin.
Happiness only begins when wishes end
and he who bankers alter more enjoys moth.
ing.
A crusty old bachelor says that Adams
wife was called Eve because. when sho APP
pearcd. mans days happiness was drawing
to q close.
An Irishman, illustrating the horrors Of
solitary confinement. stated that out Of ono
hundred pcrsons sentenced to endure this
punishment for life, only fifteen survived 1t.
An apothecarY, who pridcl himself on his
knowledge Of drugs, asserted in company that
MI hitter things were hot. "N0," said
gentleman present, "thsre Is ono OF very
different quality; bitter cold day."
"would you like to subcribc for Dickens
Household Words" inquired magazine
agent. "Household Words have played the
dickens with INC long enough" was the feel-
ing reply.
If persons wish to be held In esteem, they
must associate with those only who are esti-
mable.
lf YOU would have thing kept secret ncy.
or tell Il to anv one and IL you would not
have thing known Of you never do It.
Punch. iu announcing "tho end Of table
turning" says that an inmate OF lunatic
a,ylun, driven mad by spiritualism. wishes
to turn the multiplication table. Wethink
that any table turner, who would turn tho
MULTIPLICATION table out Of school, would
receiye tho hearty thanks OF several genera
tions Of schoolboys yet unborn.
A contraband undertaking to find situs.
tion for ! er daughter in Cincinnati. insisted
upon said daughter being instructed. Upon
being requested to Indicate what kind OF &C
compIishmcnts she was desirous Of having
her hopeful daughter possess, she said that
"de gal must be larned de plano and paint.
ing anyhow, mebbe arter while resdin and
writin."
A gentleman Of our acquaintance, who 10
sometimes extremely unfortunate In the 10.
lection of his phrases. remarked at = party
lately, in the hearing Of the mamma OF tho
"belie Of the evening"" who had just riscu
from the piano "Ycs. sho is, indeed. .
charming girl, "a very nice creature"-nico
screceher.
A Young noboman had fall In hunting,
by which hi, nose was laid nearly level. fic
afterwards proposed marriage n lady, but
was rejected, because. as she said, though his
manners were most agreeable, sho could not
pet over his nose. ''Ilow could she expect
to do 80 (obssrvoi Shcridan) when is bridge
is broken.
A Detroit paper mentions gentleman OF
statistical turn Of mind who has kept care.
ful record of the desertions from the rebel ar.
nv since the first Bull Run. rs they have been
reported in the journal from time to time,
and the sum total shows that three millions
and three hundred thousand rebel soldiers
have abandoned tho Confedcracy and como
within our lines.
A retired chcessmonger, who hated any
allusion to the business that had enriched
him, said to Charles Lamb, in course OF
discussion on the poor.lsws: "You must
bear In mind. rir, that have got rid OF tho
sort OF stuff which you poets call tho milk
of human Kindness" Lamb looked at him
steadily, and gave acquicscence In these pithy
words: eyes | nin aware 0i that; you
turned Il all into cheese several years sgo."
Alta public meeting held at Antwerp, ono
of the spc ,kcrs, Van Ryswick, was received
with such clamor by some Of the persons
chat he cou'd not obtain o hearing. lie 40
cordingly at down, produced pack OF cards,
and asked one OF his neighbors to join him
10 a game of piquet It'll the noise should
cease. This humorous cxpedient had the OF
feet Of instantancously silencing his oppo.
ncnts.
In Beloochistan, when the physician gives
a dose, he Is expected to partake OF similar
one himself. as a guarantee Of bis good faith:
should the patient die under his hands, tho
relatives, though by no means exercising IL
in all circumstances. have the right Of put.
ting him to death, unless n special xgrocncnt
has been ,uado freeing him from oil rsponsi.
bilites as to consequences while he. should
they decide on immolating him. has no rcas-
enable ground for complaint, but Is expected
to submit to his fate like mau.
An English tourist visited Arran. and be.
ing keen disciple Of Isiak Walton. wss ar.
ranging to have good days sport Being
told that the cleg. or horse.6y. would suit
nj. purposcs admirably for tackle. hesddresed
bim,elf TO Kirsty, tho Highland servant girl.
-..I cav. my girl, can you got me some horse.
dies ~ Kirsty looked stupid. and no repeat.
sdhm question. Finding that she did not
vat comprehend him. no exclaimed. "Why,
sirl. did you never SEQ . horss-6y 2" 'Ns,
sir.' aid tho simple girl. "butaw wanse Aw
. COO jump over . preshipice."