The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1864-04-13
Lincoln and April First.

l
by captioning this article. The words
came together naturally, as beginning to
the very amusing letter of an old favorite
Of ours, "The Disbandcd Volunteer" for.
merly of the Sunday Times, N. Y, now Of
the Mercury. The D. VS. spelling, it will
be seen, carries with it fire of wit and
pungency far ahead of the ordinary mis-
spelling writer's of the day:
NAYsnINAL HoTrEL,l
WASHINGTON, April l.
Eadyturs Of the Sunday Nerkayy:
This bein All Fools Day our cheerful and
sourcaustic Cheef Madgestreet hes ben
amusin hisself and me at the eggspeps of
the Constitooshnal Advisers. The arslity
with which that viceyversatic man named
ges to combine the sublime with the red;ck
alus, now swaying the spectre of power
with tho -madSesty Of Siezer. and na~v
ticklin his trends inter fits with busts OF
humor that hes seldum ben surpast outside
Of Plimuth Church, is trooly astonishin.-
lie he'd everything cut and oried, more'n a
week ago, to give his Cabbynet bennyfit
to-day, and like wotever he undertakes.
from a campaign to a cunard, the suckcess
was perleCk.
About ten O'Clock, A. NJ, the mareen
fenomencn at the he'd of the Navy depart
ment received letter apperiently from
Commydore Prcble, Stain that the FIoridy
he'd ben took by the St. Louis, at the en-.
trance of Funshall Roads, off the Island of
Madeary; and shortly afterwards despatch
arrove from Portland, to the eff.ck that the
ship seen on fire off Wood Island last
Munday was the Allabummer, and that
Capten Semmes he'd foted ashore on hen
coop. The Gifted Giddyun rusht in state
of frantick eggsightment to the Presiden.
shall Manshin, with the joyful intellegcns,
and was mutch took aback when the Ma,
shun's Cheef pulled the Commick Allme-
mack outer his pocket, and pinted to the
Fust of April. The venabul sailor tried to
larf but tindin it onpossabu, hastily arked
his top not and skraped his foot IN token Of
adoo, and vamosed the presence. Shortly
afterwards the Eminent Edwin dropt in
mutch flurrid to say that he had received
reliabul infurmashin Of counter revelu
shin in Richmound, and that jeff Davis
arter severe engagement with the insir-
gents he'd ben druv beyont Shocoh Crick,
and provishinul Government appnted by
the starvin populous. Agen the Allmy.
knack was produced, and the He'd of the
War Department sullenly retired. Party
sun messenger from the Treshury bust
in to announse that Telegram he'd come
on from New York, Stain that 100 millvuns
OF the New Ten-forty was took yesterday
in that city at premyum notwithstandin
the incemensy of the wether. My ilustrus
trend sed he was uncommon glad to hear
it, and slyly 2innin a keard inskribed
April FOor' to the messinger's coat tale
sent him on his way rejicln. The amuse
ments OF the forenoon at the White House |
wownd up with visit from the Smilen
Seward. who held despatch in his hand |
Stain that the North American was in from
Liverpool with informashun that Sldel
and Masen he'd ben ordered to leave Payris
and Londun within twenty four hours
wv OTIS the date of the messidge" ses his
april lst' ses w. H.
Upon which the President, unabu to con.
tain hissef eny longer, went off IN a reglar
coavulShun of irrepress:bul larfter This
great Dipplumatist REDEEMED to the ruts of
his hair, and mutterin sumthing about pure
lie jests glided outer the apartment.
Thus does the Admirabul Abe continue
to mingle innercent recreashun with the
keers of state, and to reveve the strain on
powerful intelleck with playful sintilashins
1t material hurnor. Let no one blame him
or so doom. Eff it warnt for this safety
valve his brain mOught Civ way onder the
presshur, and then wot would becum of
he nayshin, and wot would be the dustiny
)f millyuns yet onhorn. Ii is for the in
rest Of the present age and of posteriority
hat the jockalar dispersishn of the Presi
lent should be cuite,vated rayther than
'nubbed and represt.
Lettenant Ginral Grant is interdoocin
sum reforms inter the Army of Potomac,
which hes long ben kneaded The braga.
sear gnrals and kernils, it seems, hes ben
ivin so high in camp that they hev becum
,enamost too corpalent for active dooty,
md fearin that ef this sorter thing contin.
led they hev no stummick for the fight, he
les ordered the caterers as supplied EN-
With preserved meats, condensed turkle-
'oop, ankovey paste, turrin frutes and sham
pain TO decamp with thar lucksrics, and is
,izzlly engaged in trainn down the over
ed otfslrs TO thar fitin weight He ses that
ne licked Secesh out West on pork and
beams, and considers it first rate milentarv
iiet. On the other hand, while he is cut
in otf the otfsirS eXtrees, he is improovin
he grub Of the rank aud file. He's a trump,
S Ulysses-long may he wave
Stanton hes dun good thing too. |
ike to give Constitushinal Adviser an
pat on the back when | ken,
or its not often emmy Of EN- give me an op
oortoonity. He hes made suddn raid
'muns the horse jockeys as hev ben col
oguing to cheet the government in the price
If horseflesh, and hes got wun the ring
eders onder lock and key in the Old Capi-
ol Jail. | think he's doom better senst
|lallcck was laid on the shelf. All this
swindlin hes ben carried on, | was goin to
say, from time immemoral, rite onder that
Distinguished offsir's nose, but sumhow he
lidn't see it.
You will be delited to larn that the Com
nit;ee on the Conduck of the War, will re.
port that no blame wotevcr attaches to the
led OF the Nayshun, on ackount of the
evarses in Floridy. knew it would be
10. No Whitewashing Committee was
lessassary to convince me that he was free
rom blame, but l am glad they've clard
him, bekase evryboddy doesent know his
visdum and onseltishness as well as do,
md want to see his Eggsellency shine out
.iore an admirin world like California the
wife of the Roman Dick later, not only
pure but onsuspcckted.
But while our kentry's hope is cummin
)ut first best onder the stricktest screwtany,
am sorry to say that menny of the Guv.
suppletuas, both civil and milcn-
airy, doesn't cum up to his high standard
If recktitood, by no means. You've got a
uvly nest Of thieves in that Custom House
If vourp II SfpmS TharS hon q rn.r;,