Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1864-04-14
The Bachelor and The Baby.

Avenue.
And all this came Of valentine.
-------~.%>--- --------.--,.-
The Bachelor and The Baby.
What shall l do p and the old bache-
lor stamped about the sitting room in
perfect rage of doubt, looking first at the
mapping baby in the little willow cradle,
and then at the busy French clock on the
mantle-shelf. ."
As sure as my name is Joseph Phelps,
that little, two-fisted, large:lunged neph-
ew of mine is about waking, and it wants
one whole hour of the time which its
mother appointed for her return. Whew !!
| actually sweat thinking What can L
do with it? How can 1 trca; it sugar
what-do-you.call-em's, or hold it, Or to
trot it, or do anything with It'll?
AT this juncture slight wall from the
baby receptacle brought bachelor Phelps
to his taps. With an energy and alacri,y
that would have become husband and
Il baby tender, he commenced rocking the
oracle. sending the indignant baby into
perfect tremor Of kicks and Squalls
Backwards and forwards, from one side
Of the pillow to the other. the round red
face rolled, the infant fists were clenched
with force that purpled th-m, while
from the white, plump throat, came cry
that set the bachelor wild with fear.
Again Joe looked ut the clock.
What in the deuce can l do. 2" he
exclaimed, viewing woefully the little in
f;.aicd face before him.
He sat down in u big chair before the
baby, spread Il double cradle quilt over
his knees, and with look of terror de:
picted on his face. proceeded to take the
baby from its resting place. He Grew
the young hopeful into his lap--just as Il
very neat old lady would pick up pocket
handkerchitf-wth his thumb and Gngefs.
A fresh yell from the rosy mouth of the
baby was the only expression of thanks,
as he commenced the er-out-of- fashion
baby trot
" 1t must be that something is pricking
him. Shoo I! shoo!" said Joe, commen-
cling a search for the aggrevating pin that
was driving the child into such rage =.
But no pin was to be found, and he made
an attempt to turn the baby over but oh
the clumsiness of his fngers-the little
elf-like form fell out of his lap to Tie
floor, sending out cry that was louder;
clearer, deadler, than before.
Lord save me, | have broke its neck ~
and in the agony of despair tried to quiet
him. A thought strtck Joe. lie saw
basque lying against the wall of the ad-
joining bedroom, and with smile or de.
light upon his countenance, he went for
it Sure enough, there it was, stuffing,
bodice and all real monument of fe-
male ingenuity He was wild with JOY.
He pinned it over his coat, and fastened
the sleeves behind him. He took baby
and laid its head against the false breast
work,
"Shades of southern plantations and
cotton factories !" exclaimed Joe, and ba-
by rooted its nose into it about mile,
then cuddlcd for snooze Then the bach
elor commenced singing,
"Women are all heeting show,
For mans delusion given:
When filed with bran and stuffed with tow
They looked quite"
A rap upon the door stopped Joe in the
midst Of his suggestive song, and bcfpt:e
he had time to disarray himself, the doJr
was opened, and laughing pair of eyes
peered in upon him.
-" Your sister is not at home, is she {"
chirrupped the visitor. "
:: No, ma'am )" stammered Joe, grow
ing very red II the face "and l have
turned nurse" " M
Miss Hays laughed, offered to relieve
him Of his charge, which he willingly
consented to, sitting near by, the while
intently watching her. She managed ba-
by to charm, without the basque, and
Joe was captivated.
''Do you believe in predestination ?"
said the Captain of a Mississippi steamer
to a clergyman who happened to be trsv-
cling with him. -.
'Of course 1 do"
And you also believe what is to be
will be .rf r
"Certainly." -
well. I'm glad Of it."
why 2" -t ..,-.e
because ! intend to pass that boat
ahead in fifteen minutes, if there be any
virtue in pine knots and loaded safety
valves. So don't be alarmed. for if the
hilers amt to bust, they won't
i Here the Divine began putting on his
hat, and looking very much like backing
out, which the Captain seeing, he OBJ
served: a-ar. ~
II thought you said you believed in
predestination, and what is to be will be?
$50 l do, but 1 peter being a little
neat the stern when it takes place