Mineral Point weekly tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1859-1868, 1864-03-16

To him your summons comes too late
Who sinks beneath his armor's weight,
Add has answer but God speed
Waits.
= Sin has great many tools, but a lie is
the handle that fits them all.
II The first and greatest thing in rhetoric
Is TO have something to say.
That was an inquiring young mind that
asked the schoolmaster where all the figures
went to when they were rubbed out
Ought a pair of trousers which have
been obtained on credit TO be legally regard
ed as brooches OF trust.
- Do you see anything ridiculous in this
wig said brother Judge to Curran- Moth
ing but the head, he replied.
~ There Is many a slip between the cup
and the lap, but there are many more slips
after the cup has been drained by the lips.
-' Nv lord, p said the foreman Of Welsh
jury, when giving in their verdict, eve find
that man that stole the mare not guilty"
The true theory of woman's right Is to
educate the girls thoroughly, and then let the
women do they have mind to.
- Be careful OF your tabIe-talk, Do all
your biting at table in biting your food
Don't BE- biting in your remarks
Its a fact crediJable to barn yard ma
TUFg, that. WINE curses come nome 10 FOUcL.
ROSTERS never come home to curse.
~ The marriage of a discontinued young
girl to a siIver-haired old man only illustrates
the truth that silver can buy fax.
- The paper so extensively made of forest
trees Is said 10 be particularly adapted TO log
books
- They are fools who insist on being per-
tecdy miserable because they cannot b, per-
fecdy happy.
THE NANE-The name by which the Prince
81 Wales viii ascend the throne VIII be King
Edward the Seventh
- 4 soldier in one Of the Kentucky camps
says the motto with them is-"United, we
sleep; divided, we freeze"
A man came into printing Office to beg
a paper. " Because said he, we ike TO
read newspapers very much, bat our neigh
bors are all too stingy TO take ore
ct Is remarkable chat you are always
forgetting N, name" said a quasi-acquaint-
auce named Flint Why said QuiIp, 1t
is d dcuced hard name to remember"
- Isn't it strange" remarked a lady,
$'that The Miss Smiths are so CROSSE Not
mt all, was the reply, 'thclr father was
grocer"
Can YOU write -.the season is backward"
with four letters. Here they are
&C
81
Never put off Till tomorrow what you
can DO to-day. my child" ''WalI, then, ma,
lot me eat the big mince pie that is in ne
safe"
lie WHO Is satisfied to travel upon his
feet may be able to keep his carriage, but he
who Is content win only riding may not be
able long to keep his feet
A Dutchman's hearth rdiug soliloquy is
described thus; .'Sbe loves Shon Nickle so
peter AZ l. because he has got coople tollers
more as | has
How TO CIR RID OF -YoUR CoRNs.-Rub
them over with toasted cheese, and let your
feet hang cut Of bed for night or two, that
tbe mice NAV nib5Ic at them. # the mice
do their duty the cure viii be sufficient,
i NARRIAGE.-A dwarf named Lipbe, aged
yhirtv-four, ana only two feet higs, has just
been married at Tlsit, Prussia, to a Young
woman aged eighteen. The bride was of or
binary stature.
DEPARTMENT or THE SoUTH.-The Depart
mcut Of the South has been divided into two
districts-Gen. Terry 10 command In the
Charleston district, and Gen Seymour in
Florida.
-"A Are you III fun or in earucstE" asked
fellow TO one who was giving him a sound
horsewhippuE I'm in earnest" replied the
other, having il on somewhat harder. " I'm
glad of IT, said the first one, % for don't ike
such fun!'
A gentleman, whose wife Is away on
visit protracted long beyond the promised re
turn writes ms follows 80 lis said that alb
seuce conguers love, but the longer YOU stay
away the better like YOU" He expects her
ON the next train.
Bob. did YOU ever see Miss Simpkins."
Rob In lfl
is handsome. thcns" " Because the women
are always running her down" replied the
gr3cgleSs scamp.
Whom bean was asked why he wore
HIS respleuJcut Hessian boots in the finest
weather, ANA appeared in shoes and silk stock
in-s only when It was wet and muddy, he an
srered, Nv wife washes my stockings, but
have to clean my boots myself
"A young lad ran away from home, and
went 90 tavern. where he was found by
friend with cigar in his mouth What
made vou leave home - inquired his friend.
'sOh, said he, Sc father and mother were 50
saucy that ! couldn't stand it; 80 / quit
them"
"A little H0osier boy Of five years asked
his mother if God really heard his prayer
Yes. my son" she rep led, God always
hears our praversn Well" said the mis-
chievous urchin, - I think He must be disgust
ed with mine, for he has heard the same old
PRAYER ever since l could talh."
Mr. Wesley was once annoyed with the
d5-cardaut noise Of a warm-hearted rustic In
singing Friend you spoil the singing, YOU
had better stop said Wesley. de did stop
for Il verse or two, and then exclaimed, q" Sir,
by heart sings, and must sing too Sing
en-, friend was Wesley's reply.
"A lady who boosted highly. at a dinner
party q tae good manners of her little dar-
ling addressed him thus: Charley. nv
dear. won't YOU have beause" Nor was
The I'll hammered reply IF the perulaut chcrub.
rs :" exclaimed the aztoal>hed mother:
" no whar2" No beans, sand tile child.
a ladv was once declaring that she
could not understand how gentlemen could
smoke 1T certainly shortens their lives"
said she Il don't know that" exclaimed Il
gentleman; there's my father who smokes
every blessed day. and he IS now seventy
wears old" well" was the reply, ii he
had never smoked, he light have been eighty