The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1864-02-04
"A Lcagp-Tear Ssory,


Popping the question There's something
terrible to man Of weak nerves in the very
idea-think of setting down and Doppjag a
matter of such vast Importance. Talk about
storming the Malakotf I'd rather do it twice
over, than attempt to carry fortress guard
ed by pair Of black eyes and rosy lips. Many
q poor fellow has required a sterner courage
to bear him safely through the operation than
old kthan Allen carried with him to the
nights of Tconderoga, and the man who does
it satisfactorily and successfully is every inch
a hero.
The truth is, society needs reformation in
one particular. The custom Of requiring the
gterner sex to pop the question is a barbarous
and inhuinan one, and ought to be abandoned
Women have twice as much tact as men, and
should do all the proposing. It's their legiti
mate business besides, there would never be
the remotest possible chance for failure =
Women have more penetration than men; they
read their lovers as they do their fachion books
and to quite as much advantage. 1t IS absurd
lqsuppOse thai q woman would ever need to be
in doubt as TO the state Of her lovers feelings
always providing that he were not that most
odious OF all creatures, male flirt and such
are easily detected even by woman CT ordi-
nary intellect. They have another and very
Important advantage in the fact that men, so
far from attempting to c9pcaal, actually take
all possible palus 10 make known, the exact
state Of their feelings This is done by count
less little delicate attentions by looks Of love,
by continual acts Of preference, and III a thous-
aud other ways that readily suggest them
selves.
Apd as for their chances Of success-t that is
q forcgoIe conclusion. Who ever knew wo
man to set her head and heart on thing with
out accomplishing it With them there is
no such word as fail" Besides, 10 respectable
successor Of Adam can withstand their fascin-
ations. 'Breathes there man with soul 50
dead" as to reject a proposition backed by a
pair Of rosy lips, and eyes Of jet heavens
ceruIean tint'-ar, indeed, any other color.
30, sir, the idea is preposterous, and not wor>
thy of a moments consideration,
Besides, what's the use Of leap year, if the
ladieg never assert their rights. am no ''wo.
Iman's rights man, according to the preach
ingS Of Lucy Stone, and others OF her class !;
but they have their rights and privileges, new
ertheless, and ought to exercise them and |
ask again, what's the use of leap year, if the
ladies don't mean to take advantage Of il?
wouldn't give a sIxpenCe for such leap year.
like the good old custom which prevailed in
Scotland in Queen Margarets time, when it
was specially ordained that during the reign
| Of her most graclpus majesty, every maiden,
| Of both high and low degree, should have the
liberty to speak to the man she liked and If
| he refused to take her for his wife, he was to
pay a hundred pounds, or less, Gas Lis estate
MIGHT iustify,) unless he could prove himself
DetrQthed to another woman" There was an
ordinance for you, and the Scotch lassies avail
ed themselves OF its provisions, too.
Somebody has compared marriage to wire
rat trap the large end Of the cone outside, sc
as to permit the victim to enter without diff
Guilty but, when he discovers that the toast
ed cheese which decoyed him into the trap is
mot what it was Cracked up TO be, and es
says to depart, the sharp points of the Wire re
mind him chat he is in for it, without chance
for escape dare say the idea was originated
by some cTusty old bachelor, who had beer
Tilted by every girl Of his acquaintance, an(
who, like the fox in the fable, consoled him
self with the cry of ''sour grapes, because
wife was beyond his reach. | look upon mar
iriages as one of the great institutions or hu
; mainly and no more to be compared to a IA
trap than are the ladies to be likened to toast
ed cheese. Good Old Ben Franklin said tn
sexes we've like the halves of a pair of scissor
of no possible use without each other. VIII
that has seen an unfortunate old bachelor wi
ainsay the comparison
Speaking OF bachelors, reminds me that
belong to that greatly to be commisserate
> class. It's nobody'y business what my age is
But there is no denying the fact that / am
hachelor-confrmed, some Of my lady FRIEND
sav--and pretty snugly fixed sort of baohelo
too, can tell you. My apartments are {
comfortable as they can be made, and when
get on my dressing gown and siippers-th
gift of an anxious mother, who tried to cate
( me for one Of her daughters-and am seate
in my arm chair, with lighted Figaro Or Ns
eiIta between my teeth, sometimes feel pre-
~ well satisfied with my condition Of sing
bIessedness. Candidly speaking however,
= must admit that | am not a bachelor fro
choice | cannot think Of entering into d
tail Of the circumstances which have mao
me what | am. 1t would take too much tim
aud, besides, wouldn't be pleasant to relat
= Shakespeare intimates that there is nothing
a name. am usually disposed to concede
the Bard Of Avon more than ordinary wisdo
: and penetration but right here l must ioi
issue with him.
My name is Jenkins Thomas Jefferso
St Jenkins Not bad name, is IL? 1t Iool