The mountain Democrat., 1864-05-07
Beau Hackett Goes to the Opera.


ed Dick. - Chambers Journal.
Beau Hnckett Goes to the Opera.
Beau IIackett" writes to the Chicago
Post the following account of his sensa-
tions at the opera:
went to the opera.
MY wife went to the opera also.
We went to the opera together. Ire.
Ecmber that ! carried al opera glass in
every pocket and book of the opera un-
der each arm. am not an opera critic :;
wouldn't be for the world. never knew
but one, and he died Of hydrophobia
without ever having been bitten by any.
thing mad. But | know a good thing
when | see it; also when / hear it.
saw good opera and heard some good
music. don't remember the name of
tie opera, for my wife used both the
books and monopoiized all the pro.
grammes, but know it was good, and
will tell you how know it.
heard rumbling noise under the
stage, and pretty soon n number of Italic-
locking gentlemen came creeping up thro'
Il coal hole, or trap door, or some sort Of
secret passage, and seated themselves
in little square place with a railing
around it. Somebody behind me said
they were the orchestra made note
Of that. One Of them who sat in front of
the center of the stage picked up stick
that looked good deal like the thing my
Schoomaster used TO rap me over the
knucklcs with. began to feel Il little un
easy, for thought he was going to give
some Of tie orchestra fellows fits, and
believe tie would have done it but for q
fortunate circumstance. lie was sudden.
iv seized by some sort of tit, like St
Nitus' dance, aud shook awfully. But he
held on to the stick, and that shook, too
Then the musicians commenced playing,
and the more he shook the more they
played | began to see the Joke and I
laughed-oh how laughed My wife
said nobody ought to laugh at the opera
ought to smile, she said, and clap my
hands. | couldn't see it-probably owing
to deficiency of gaslight. ] laughed
kept On laughing. An elbow neighbor
sad the orchestra was performing sym
phpny. He meant TO say it was some.
thing funny; he knew nothing about op.
eraS, and suecrel at him.
u hen the man with the stick in his
hand Had shaken till he didn't know what
aitt! him, the curtain went up and a
crowd Of tocraOly welI-drcSSrd and re.
Spectablc-looking people walked out upon
the stage. Some Of them sung and some
Of them that didn't know how to sing
opened tleir mouths and made believe
they were singing.
A big fellow came out with cavalier
dress on and n big sword by his side
lie was good lookirg, and liked him.
My wife said lie was good looking, and
then didn't Ike him. lie chirrupped
while, and everybody applauded. My
wife applauded, and wanted me TO look at
the Iioretto and tell her what he was sing.
ing. | looked, bat couldn't tell worth o
cent. liked the ss,ng; it was pretty,
AID he sang 1t arti,ticalv, his voice rising
and falling with as much regularity as the
gold market has manifested during the
last twelve months. He began away
down in the flats, and then went up about
nineteen octaves; then he came down
three or ft'ar degrees, and, resting calmly
Tor about the space Of a minute, suddenly
went up again about sixteen inches; then
his voice dropped down about gallon,
and then he went up into the fourth sto.
ry, Hnd strained, and stood, and stared,
and sang, and his eyes looked rs though
they wanted to iump ont of his head
Then his voice diminished about five
pounds, whcreUpon newspaper critic
sitting on my right uttered a gentle hiss,
that sounded like hot water pouring into
hot grease. The newspaper critic said
the opera man had made mistake his
voice should have yielded only four
pounds and eleven ounces. The singer
changed his bass, and his voice went up
about four dozen, and then, rushing rap
Idly down three flights of stairs. he landed
broadsiie among the flats again. Then
he retired, and the audience applauded
like a powder magazine on fire.
l staid till the opera was ont; saw it
all. was told by persons who had seen
it through an opera glass that It was ex.
quisite but n gentleman who was little
deaf, and had listened to it through car
trumpet, pronounced it failure. was
unable to make up my mind until I saw
the published criticisms next morning,
and then thought everything.
I mean to make an opera myself. 1t
shall be a grand one, far ahead of any of
DonizettiS, or anybody elSe's. will in.
troduce thrashing machine chorus,
Saw-mill serenadc, and a steam boiler
symphony, besides many other delicate
novelties; and shall have it performed
ten consecutive nights under my window,
for the benefit Of Mrs. Belle Hackett indi-
vidually. I will cure her of her fearful
malady, if it costs me dollar. Her case
is not hopeless, | think but she is about
as far gone as anybody ever ! saw. As
he and | were coming away from the on.
era, the last time We paid the blessed in.
stitution visit, musical cabman com.
menced singing some beautiful verses
about celebrated euchre player by the
name of Joe Bowers. She thought the
Jehu was an italian tenor. singer certain.
and il was all that l could do to persuade
her that he wac nothing but a human
being,