Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1864-12-23
A. WARD DUR yILR.

LiSKrS's BAsrEEL, N. Y. HARsoR, Nov.
90, lS64,-Mr. Stokes aad company am
in durancc vile. Wanst moar the tree NV
liberty is uprootcd in my person; wanst
moar hcv The unrightous tools NV the mon
ster Linkin seized my venerable form, and
witencd lox, and incarceratsd il in ba.tcel.s
So menny hcv bin imprisoned for opinions
saik, that ef kin GIT 4 pardner with capital
shcl go into the martorin bizzines But 2
my nauashcn--W Wen the moose reached mo
at MIR. Astor's tavern, wherJ allus dispozs
NV my weery form and black carpet bag wen
in the trooly grato sitty NV N. York, that
sum Nv the bruthrin Nv our wayward sisters
woz goin into the tirework dizziness. pick
cd up scd carpet bag kontaning my last et
fushuns, and haisted to maik my eskaip FROM
the devouring ellymeus, wen bioo coated
hireln, gently placed his pointed paw on
my shoulder, aud sez "cum with me-" In
vain protested that | wuz \ Methodist
preacher, sc!'in frtiit trees-my nose which
blossoms as the lobstir, and a copy Of the
New York Moose, which had in my pock-
ct. wuz against me, and wuz to wunst con-
fludd with my hahus corpis on a tug and
tuggfd (goak) down to that seaside abode n
our Suthcrin hre.hrn in N. York bay.
perccavcd alta glance the strategic impor-
tauce Of the position. Wen 4 got there the
Linain minions put me with . company ny
looseanncr pelcsns, as tho | had been TUX
in reglar warfare. must say, in this con-
neckshun. that wuz surprised At tho stile
NV uniform worn by the pelicsns Ii cor.
sists Nv hole in the scat NV the pants with
the tale nv the shirt wavin gracefully there
from. The Kernel approached me, when the
follcrin coloquy ensood: .a-5 .s a. .s
90 nacnrtnrYp
mo" -.
Spirits Of turpentine "
Your maine :" #s.".f ~
"Artcmus Ward, piece mrrl" (nother
goak) slludin to the pieces hev writ aud
spoke, but the Kernel did not see it, but
notist all the time he was eyein my clothes
wistEuly, they bein tho wuns got at your
"wun price," undor the Monumental, and
they wuz bran new, exceptin the velvet
weskit.
Mr.. Ward, receive you gladly ez re-
croot in the grand army nv freedom. En yu
divest yourself Of the clothes Of the tyrant,
dvest ycrsef NV whatever lingerin aitecshiIis
you may hev for the land Wv your nativity,
and ez 700 array yourself in the garb Nv 4
suthe,n so';rr try to fill your soul with that
, suthern ieclln that annymates us all
"Joaes," sed he, addrcssin his orderly,
"is Thompson ded yitr"
Not quite" SEE the orderly
"Never mind" scz the Kernel al he kant
cit we'll Nv that fever strip of his uniform
aud give il to Ward, and berry him" !.
Judged from the stilc Nv tho uniform
saw on the men around me, I'd ruther not
enlist, but sei notbin When the orderly
returned with the dcccSt Thompson's unit
form, groaned inwardly. ..,
There wuz pare NV pants with the sect
entirely torn away, and one leg gone below
the knee, shoe with the sole of, and tho
straw he had wrapped around the other foot,
and a grey woecn shirt.
" Put on your uniform right here" SEE
the Kernel
Reluctantly pulled of my double solcd
boots, and was petriicd to see tho Kernel
kick off the slippers he wore and pull 'em
on. pulled off my pants--he put 'em on,
and so with every article Nv dress possest,
even to my ovcrcote FL | passed out, tho
Loo,enant Kernel, Mnjor and Adjltcnt pulled
me 10 wun side, and askt me il coodent git
three moar Jumpers !" Wun glanse at
their habillyments showed me why they was
so anxious for bounty jumpers. !.
Measures hov been TUX to Fit me out NV
this. Mr.. Astor, hisself, purhaps, will go
my bale, and wen | am, shall want an en-.
tirely new SCOT wv clothes from you, wich I
: shall Immediately order to take tho place Nv
the uniform Nv the Pvlicans," wich Al
present wear. Yourn with disgust.
A. WARD, sho~mam
To Cb,s. Stokes and rompsnp. ,aiiort in the
Kori,Asntal Hotel, Philadplfy.