The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1864-01-01
Letters from Majer Jack Downing.
SECOND sERIEs-No. w.
WASHINGTON, Dec. 10, 1866


To Tie Editers Of the Da5ook:
SURs:-When | writ you last, the Mes
sige warn't finished. Wal, sich time as
we had fnishin that docyment You never
did see. The Kernel an l set up all mite
long three or four mites, but it was nigh a.
bout onpossibul to git it 70 suit him. He
would cit it fixt, an then Seward would
cum in nsay it was too bold Then Chase
he'd ctsm an say it warn't bold enuf; an f.
nally telhd him to make it as old Deacon
Grimes did his oven. He wanted TO know
how that was. Wal, I telled him it was
this way The Deacon built IN oven facin
to the N1rah, when one of his nabers cum
along an sed that would never do, as the
North wind would blow rite in the mouth
of the oven. So the old man turned it a.
round, an put the face to the South. Purity
soon another naber cum along, an ses he,
ssDeacon, it will never do to have the oven
face the South, for there amt any wind so
blusterin as the South wind" So the Dea-
con turned it around to the West. Purity
soon man cum along, an ses he, "Deacon,
don't you know that the worst showers an
hurrycanes we have always cum from the
West9 1t will never do TO face your oven
that way." So the Decon determined to
change it around to the East. He hadn't
more than got it dun, before another naber
cum along, an ses he, "Why, Deacon
Grimes, I'm perfectly astonished to see you
buildin an oven an facin it to the East
There amt any wind so sarchin an penetra-
tin as the East wind, an it will blow your
fire all out of the oven." ''Wal," ses the
old Deacon, perfectly discouraged, 'I'll suit
YOU all. I'll build my oven on a pivot, an
when you cum along you can turn it around
lest as YOU want it." '.Now," ses l, ''Ker-
mel that's the way with your Messige, =
SEES he, 'that,s fact; the only trubbil is
TO fix on pivot on which it kin turn. y
"yVal.n ses L, ''thats the easiest thing in
the world. Take the nigger for the pivot,
an it will suit every man In your party. The
onlv difference between em is, that some
don't like 10 look him square in the face.
That sort can turn your Messige around
little, an they'll see the nigger sideways;
an chose that can't stand that, can turn it
clear around, an then they'll see the nigger
in the back, but it will be niger all the
time!, The Kernel sed it was a capital idee,
an he ment to carry it out. Ii got noised
around that the Kernel was cumin out with
sum big thing in his Messige, an every Con-
gressman, when he got to Washinton, run
rite to the White House to give the Kernel
advice. They nigh about run him to deth.
seWal.n ses |, ssKernel, make 'em believe
you're sick" "Sho," ses he, ''that won't
do bit of good. I've tried it often, an
thcg bore me wus than ever" "Wal," ses
l, 'stell 'em you've got the scarlet fever, an
that will scare em away" The Kernel sed
It was fust-rate idee, an SO it was an
nounced in all the papers that the President
had the scarlet fever; but it didn't do much
good. Sum staid away, but the crowd yet
was tremenius. '.Now," ses /, "kernel,
this is too bad; here it's almost time for
Congress- to meet, an no Message dun yet.
Jest let the reporters announce that you've
got the small box, an there won't be moth
er's ' son of 'em cum within gunshot of you.
Then you can fix your Messige, put in that
patent pivot, an grease things up generally,
50 they'll run another year without tecliing."
The Kernel sed there was no other way than
to do it. When it got out that the Kernel
had the small pox, you never see sich