The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1864-07-22
VOLUME Xxx, NUMBER 80.
Spare Lines.

A wag suggests that when Lots wife Was
turned into pillar Of salt he got fresh one.
Sailors who have followed tho sea for years
say that they can tell when they are In the vi-
oinity Of Long Island-by the Sound.
A wit once asked peasant what part he per.
formed in the great drama Of lifsi II mind my
own business. /" was the reply. --.r
"John, did Mr.. Green get the medicine I or
deredi" "I should think So" replied John, 81
saw tho shutters up the next morning"
Religion Is an insurance against hrs In tho
next world, for which honesty Is the best poll
oy.
A soldier who read his nsmo In tho list OF
deaths at . hospital, wrote homo to his friends
that he didn't believe t. In fact he knew tho
statement was lie as soon a. he read Il.
Marriage" said an unfortunate husband,
"is the churchyard Of love-" "And you men,
replied tho not less unhappy wife. "are tho
grave diggcrs."
The surest way to prevail on young couple
to get married Is to oppose them. Tell them
you "would rather SEQ them In their graves
and twelve months after their baby will pass
you twice Q day In willow wagon.
A drunken fellow got out Of his calculation,
and was doing In tho street. when tho bells
reused him by their ringing for fro "Ninc,
ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen" cried
he "well, II this isn't later than I ever knewr
Fanny Fern, who ought to know, says, speak
ing of cotton The ladies, as wo oil know, owc
something Of their angelic symmetry to tho
pure aud delicate Southern staple. OF oil tho
products Of the Garth Il q nearest to their
hearts. .....r. ..r
~ like you," said girl to her suitor "but I
cannot leave home; am Widows only dar-
ling, no husband can equal my parent In kind
ness" ''She may DO kind, replied the wooer,
"but be my wife-we will all live together, and
sec II don't beat your mother"
A young lady Of extraordinary capacity, sd-
dressed the following letter to her cousin: 1--WE
Is oil we'll, and mother has got the his Terrix
brother Tom has got the Hupin Kaugh and sis.
ter Ann has gotta babcc, and hope these few
lines will End you the same. Rite sune. Your
aphcctionatc kuzzen."
A colonel Of one Of the regiments attached to
the army Of tho Potomac was recently COM
planning at nm evening barty, that. from tho ig-
norance and inattention Of the officers, he Was
obliged to do the whole duty Of tho regiment.
Said he: ~ an my own major, my own cap.
tain, my ownli lieutenant, my own sergeant ends
--'Tour own tvumpetar,s ~ . ln2y penn1nA'-
Nothing hinders the constant agreement Of
people who live together but nero vsnity:s
secret. insisting upon what they think their dig
nifty or merit, and inward expectation Of such
On over measure Of Difference and regard as an
swers to their own extravagant false scale, and
which nobody can pay, because mono but them
selves can tell readily TO what price II amounts.
"what Is the use Of living r. asked Jack Sim
minds the other day. "we arc logged for cry
ing when wo arc babies; logged because the
master Is cross when VIC arc boys; Obliged to
toll. sick or well, or starvc, when wo arc men;
to work still harder when we are husbands; and
after exhausting life and strength In the service
Of other people, die and leave our children TO
quarrel about the possession Of fathers watch,
and our wives to catch somebody else"