The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1864-11-23
McGREG0R, IOWA, WEDNESDAY, NOV. %, 1854.

The Search for "Conspirators."--"B
IInckett" In Limbo. ~.'
From the Chicago Times.
| live. II the bare assertion, consistin
simply Of personal proBoun and an activ
intransitivc verb, required proof, thihl
said proof could be procured. .1 n
l exist. If the inexplicable cohesion G
soul and body through the agencies Of har'
bread and fat pork constitute living, I live
In the language of divine youth who ono
dealt inc poctical blow with his clenchee
digits, "Tm little, but I'm all here" T,
what extent, let me briefly explain:
For months have lived in peace, bappi
ness and house for which l have Away!
paid my rent regularly. ! settled up my
accounts and settled down for life, resolved
that in future would 60 the whole hof
and be great big man. got . phrenolo
| gist to make post mortem examination o.
! my head, and he expressed his belief thai
If lived long enough, l would come t.
something. Alas! How true his magic
words! (Not Originally I've come to il
already; Pm in it all over; have grown
to such gigantic proportions that the city o
Chicago is not large enough to contain me
and am reduced to the necessity Of pass.
ing my leisure hours (Which are too numer.
Gus to mention) in an apartment eight by
ten, at Camp Douglas :. :
had been passing pleasant evening at
home on the eve of election. The partner
Of my joys and two thirds proprietor of all
my sorrows had been amusing herself by
singing an entirely new song entitled
"Angels now are on the wing," which song
enjoyed excessively. Our little dog
chimed in occasionally, and I remember
that my better half remarked, by way Of Q
and I was just beginning to laugh heartily
when there came vigorous knock ut my
front door. l Iopened, and 10 I! there stood
a posse Corruption of the word 'possum)
of soldiers. l was hunderfounded-com
pletely dumstruck! gazed moment at
the tall figure of the leader, who wore a
sword and pistol by his side, and owned .
moustache that was just large enough to
keep his teeth from being sunburnt, and
remarked in clear, distinct voice:
"Hemv'
The tall officer ad dressed me tenderly
thus:
"Sir, your name?'' ..s
ut matters not" said I; "What's in a
name? That which We call an onion would
smell, &C."
TO which the tall officer replied as follows,
his voice rising several octaves:
"Sr, you are wanted"
II think I am," l replied excitedly,
smelling gunpowder, and with that fed.
l think reached the back door of my
dwelling about as quick % ever accomp.
lished a feat Of the same length and breadth
before in my life. Ispcd like an arrow, so
to speak, and had narrow escape from be.
ing torn in two, as my legs could hardly
lun as fast as my body. Did l say ran I?
Nay, more. On the wings of love and
charity l gained the back door in hurry,
and arrived there just in time to tumble
into the arms Of halfa.dozen muscular
soldiers.
1--WE know you," said one of them,
Beau Hackett, you are conspiracy you
know you are,"-and with that remark he
put one of my hands in the other, as though
he wanted to introduce me to myself, and
for the purpose Of keeping me OH good
terms. with myself, he tied them together
with what they call in Wisconsin rope.
"You are conspiracy" reiterated soldier,
"you are plotting against the government,
you arc bad man."
Right, my boy" was my reply, "I'll bet
my bottom dollar. will admit that you
know what you are talking about, which is
admitting that you know more than do.
Pm Old Conspiracy himself, though, you
NAV stake yOur SOan on thatn
"You have arms in your possession"
eyes, l have couple, but they are not
Of much account just now"
Then search began. My house, which
is one story high, was ransacked from gar.
ret to cellar. A bottle Of old bourbon was
found concealed on mantlepiece, and was
at once pronunced deadly weapon. 1t
was rendered harmless, however, in . very
few moments. saw with fearful eyes the
last drop of the contents Of that terrible
instrument sail down the throats of my
unfeeling captors. The effect was terrible;
in ten minutes the whole party began to
quarrel about who should have the honor
of making the arrest. They seemed to
think they had captured q multitude of
men, and a detective, whose head was in .
condition to multiply rapidly, asked me
how many there were Of me. ...-
According to actual count, said l, "there
is one Of me"
Detective became indignant because of
the diminutiveness of his booty, and told
the other fellows they might have all the
credit; he didn't want cents worth.
The procession moved. In solemn and
serpentine, or, rather. rail. fence fashion, we
wended our way to camp. Old Bourbon is
famous for making crooked Marches
About the most difficult thing in the world
to accomplish is to march decently with .
pint Of whisky that has . man outside of it
who insists upon clinging to your arm IS If
it were jug handle. It's something l
can't tolerate. If there is one thing in the
world | detest, it's more than smother.
But We arrived here, and here am,
pining away in the White Oak prison.
IN. B.-confidential joke Why does =
man pine when he is in prison Of white
oak? Don't publish this; if you do the
president will have me executed for ieal-
ousy's sake.) The fare upon which I am
compelled to subsist is hardly as good Is
am used to, but is great deal harder.
have large circle Of acquaintances in the
form Of small black insects, some of which
met years ago in the south. They have
almost grown out of my recollection, but
they have forcible manner Of refreshing
my memory. It will be cruel for me to
leave them know, but l confess that I
have had all the enjoyment deserved, and
am ready to exchange this abode for one
less populous. Board is cheap here, and,
as "things have gone up So" Is Mr.. Lincoln
recently remarked, it may be IN object for
me to stay where am, but l can't see it.
| have engaged q substitute to take NV