The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1864-01-14

Z EIdDlLQOLAGE, Ie DAl Out Two regular grand
mothers-two were dearer than a dozen. lie
believed We ought 10 love our relations, he couldn't
say much for our foreign relations, except Russia;
If the Emperor Of Russia came 70 New York he
would invite him to take his valise right around
to his clearinghouse and 1t wouldn't cost him a
cent. His grandmother carried her cooking stove
to Cincinnati with her, and said she didn't be-
lieye they had any good milk there and she
thought she would carry her cow he told her
thew had nothing but oxen there and she said,
.. q my" He told her that they were in u very
barbarOus state there, that the young ladies
didn't know what cOurting meant but she said
she didn't believe that. Ambition was the next
division Of his subject under the general head of
ghosts. He thought his hearers might think he
was running too often from his subject, but he
meant 20 make forward movements on the ghost,
but was repulsed and was now demoralized. The
great merit of his lecture was that it contained
50 many things that had nothing 10 do with his
subject. Mr.. Lincoln said IN his letter 10 Hackett
the actor, that he thought Macbeth was wonder
full, ARENAS wondered what he would think Of
his lecture. Ambition Is a terrible thing. Caesar
was killed by Brutus and Notwithstanding
there was some excuse for Brutus but none for eh
-eh where were the police ut the time the riot
was going on? Alexander the Great, old Aleck,
he wept because there were = no more worlds TO
conquer If he was alive now he would be in
favor of giving him u misunderstanding.
After Speaking at some length on the sin Of ambi-
ton he thought he would make a few remarks on
poetry ~ llBGu 10 NdDuer lOrtn when the Jew
was on the grass,7 kind of way the dew had of
dewing, il dews somewhat more in summer than
it dews in winter,-when the larks are climbing
in agile s%wiftness, when the robin. that never
harmed a child, is skipping, when the swallows
are swallowing, and the bees beeswaxing,-on
such occasions he felt poetic. 1t was a pity that
some of our newspaper poets were not born hens.
then their lays would have been valued by the
dozen. Nor did he think Of fashion for u sub
ject he would relate an ancient story.-it was
not original with him,-relating TO a fowl, which
was killed and skinned and boiled four DAYS, and
not content with that the neighbors took it and
Far boiled it, and then they ma boiled it, and
notwithstanding all the pains bestowed upon it,
when it was put upon the table it actually crow
ed. He never believed this story until he heard
it told by a reliable gentleman in Washington
who attended to the telegraphing. He thought
OF graphing with 4 new subject but il required
a great mind and he didn't have any of that
stock with him This new subject was slavery,
81 will you listen to me while | speak a few words
OF about four hours length, on Slavery ? but |
ought To- be speaking on ghosts" But before
touching the ghosts he would like to say ii few
words on love, courtship and marriage he would
like to depict a rustic picture.-scene. a farm
house heavy storm, say a north-easter Miss
Mehitable Baxter and John Smith seated near a
log-fre, blazing cheerily on the hearth what
care they for the storm and wind? John bitches
his chair a little towards Mehitable, and Mehita-
bic bitches her chair towards John, then they
hitch again, and Mehitable speaks right up with
some frmness manifest in her voice, saying,
- John, I'd rather you'd not; but they hitch
again until they cam be any hitcher then Johns
arm works around her waist; really. he didn't
know how il got there, but it was there then
lips touched, and she spoked right up again, with
perhaps a little more frnness in her voice, I'D
rather you'd not" and he NOTED like a mun. It's
a hard thing not to have any wife,
No one to love,
None 10 earess-
No gentle heart 20 get up in the morning and
build the FIRE. He gave some very important
advice 10 the married and those about to be mar
ried, and then announced that the time had
arrived when it was usual for him to rest his
voice, and he would do SO by continuing in the
same tone, saying n few words upon absurd peO-
PIE such was the man from Illinois who, seeing
the Prince of Wales riding through New York
city said he would rather be in that young mans
place than president of u temperance society so
also was the old maid vino cried all day because
her new house had Il bOw-windUw in it the
laugh comes in on the word bow,-it NAV be
spelled 8 beau, he WAS proud of that joke
and the cOnscript who wished to be exempted
because he had such an enormous appetite, and
the private who wanted To resign because he
couldn't conscientiOusly stand by the cmancipa-
ton proclamation and the man who insisted
even after the enrreaties of his wife, his family,
neighbOrs, children, his wife's Aunt Elizabeth
was staying there at the time, (this has no
'aA1 A@ hSA SAlN @AS "ag ~ AhE
at his house during the season ,)-he insisted in
drinking his soup out OF a junk bottle with q
string in IL, whether they had company or not.
He was apprenticed to a printer in New Hamp-
shire one day he had a dispute with his en-
ployer, who threw him down stairs he saw in a
that he was prejudiced. and he babe him
forever. 1t was a touching parting,
such as might bring tears from the eyes Of Capt.
Semmes of the English neutral war steamer.
During his journey home he had to eat some
thing he had no money, he could not beg-sthe
cannot beg - therefore he became
repiirer of clocks; he stopped at a farmers
door, and asked if he had any clocks that
go? the farmer replied he had. and he
said lie would make it go. He took it to pieces.
and then ate dinner. looking upon the wreck of
the clock and perfectly aware that he could never
put. it together again, he told the farmer that he
dizzy and would go out into the free air.
Immediately after getting out of the house he
like the - light sazelle''-or anything else
that goes very fast. Thus our political clock
take the great national clock to pieces,
eat dinner, and never want to see 1T put together
again. But the hour had passed when his lee
should have been concluded therefore he had
no time 10 explain the ghost question. He would
sail for California in a few days, and
would speak on the ghost question there; ladies
and gentlemen holding tickets to this lecture
would he admitted without extra CHARGE. |