American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-04-06
.Aelisiolls department.
Confession of A Sick Minister.

inquire after my health and while all OF
them show me their sympathy and graft
tude, | accuse myself. I see these long
days and evenings lost or spent on trifes,
when / could have visited my people at
their fresides with the unreserved conf
dence of friend Several of them see
me only in my official capacity: l have
not been to them confdant. How few
of them felt induced to unburden their
consciences! | have indeed visited them
but [ had too many preferences. 1t is
taue, it is impossible not to have any
Jesus went oftner to Lazarus than TO ST.
mon; one cannot help feeling more attire
ted toward those whose Christian hearts
beat responsively to his own than towards
those whom one fears to incommode by
his presence But | will confess and not
excuse my faults. | had too many pref
erences, because Isought rather for Chris
tian enjoyment than Christian mission in
my ministry. And then-those pastoral
visits, were they indeed pastoral? When
was in parlors, did l not, with the thot'
of not being singular, diyest of my min
isterial character make worldly my min
istry and become worldly myself?
But what have done for the unbeliev
ers, the scoffers, the scornful skeptics p
I.preached sermons which sometimes
wearied them, or which they did come to
hear. paid rare visits, in which | felt
uncomfortable, and, so to say, embarrassed
them with my ministry My faith was SO
timid that they perceived rather my tim
idity than my faith. For accommodation's
sake, and as an introduction to my message,
/ spoke to them of their affairs, and this un-
lucky introduction was so long thatit intro
udced nothing at all went away discour-
aged, to pay other visits of the same kind;
and deeming them useless, renewed them
rarely. feel, however, now, that it was
my peculiar task to use the authority of
my ministry to speak to them of Christ.
And who will do SO if it is not | =? Alas
| have not done so faithfully. There are
unbelievers in my ncighborhood who new
er attend public worship, on whom l call
very rarely, and to whom | never have
spoken directly about the Savior. Both
of us pursue our course ; |, mine towards
heaven; they, theirs towards hell A
great abyss separates us, but they can still
pass over it at one bound. And have
not had the courage to tell them: "Stop !
come to the other side" My faithful
ness was satisfied with crying it from the
pulpit. have indeed done some
thing. Yes, have done something else
than to baptize, to marry, to follow funer-
ais, and to preach. l have felt some love
for my flock. This love, however weak it
may have been, will have shown itself in
my discourses, in my visits, in my sha-
kings of the hand. ! believe that in my
congregation friends and enemies will tell
you that | am their good and faithful
pastor. OH silence these people. The
lives of Oberliu, of Neff and ofso many
other godly men, recur to my memory. |
look for, | wish this humilisting compari-
son. Why cannot my ministry be COM
pared to theirs Why? Have not the
same creed ? Have | not the same Sa-
vior? Am | not pardoned sinner, and
consequently have 1 not as great a reason
for gratitude as they had?
Have | not the same resources? Had
| not the same bodily strength? Had |
not at my disposal the same Spirit, the
same means of grace? Why do l not,
like them, leave behind me the SAVIOR of
godliness? Is it ambition to wish to resem-
BILE these sainted men? Woe to the pas
tor who has no ideal that renders him dis
satisfied with himself and urges him on
towards the Neffs and Oberlins If there
be justifable ambition, is it not that of
faithfulness ?
Through the storm l have heard the
soothing word. "My grace is sufficient
| for thee = which can only fall from heav-
en- as the dew falls on the barren earth.
Oh, what grace! May it be sufficient
to such an expiration Lord, if am al
lowed to begin again the interrupted labors
of my ministry, let me resume them on a
new plan, or rather under new inspira-
ton and devote more conscientiously, more
faithfully than heretofore the remainder
of my life to thy blessed service?
Rey' When Jesus breaches deliverance
to the captives the chains are broken in
/ the dominions of sin He is n naruon,I