The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1864-08-05
VOLUME Xxx, NUMBER 81.
Spare Lines.

Song for creaking doors "0h, had we soms
sweet little lilo Of our own"
The devoted love Of mother to wayward
child Is the hoblcst In the world.
Before you commit suicide take Q cold bath
what people term despair IL very often dirt.
Many people have just enough conscience to
keep them tolcrably miserable all their lives
Mankind arc always happier for having been
once happy the memory Of happiness Is hap.
piness.
Who ever heard Of widower committing ~.
icide on account Of lover A little experience
Is wholesome.
Never, perhaps. were children dcsrer to their
parents than at present, during tho existing
prices Of clothing and food.
A scientific gardener succeeded in plantings Q
blow on his masters face. Tho interesting 70.
suit has not yet been ascertalned.
Why is washerwoman like Saturday. Be-
cause she brings In tho clothes (close) OF tho
week.
The women Of Utah have recently altered the
orihography Of their creed. They now spell Il
.Moremen.
Genius and talent are mental fortune; bat
It can be gambled away pretty much Ike mean
er fortunes.
A wiies tears. shed too often, harden thehus-
band instead Of softening him. The eyewater
becomes petrifyiug water
Death, to dying man, Is the coming Of the
heart to lis blossoming time. Do we call II dy.
ing when the bud bursts into fowersf
Many calumnies arc Injurious even sfter rs-
fatcd. Like the Spanish Aiss. they sting when
alive and blister when dead.
Why Is drunksrd like Copperhead Bs.
cause ho Is always sticking his nose into meas.
ures to hurt the Constitution I!
Certain families are poor In oil their ramiica-
tions Like antimony, they have no chemical
affinity with gold, however much they might
wish 1t.
When Jemima went 70 school, she was asked
why tho noun bachelor was singular. "Be-
cause II Is 80 very singular they don't get mar
ried."
An afflicted husband was returning from tho
funeral Of his wife, when friend asked how he
was. "well," he said pathetically, II think
feel better for that walk.
II you want to have man your friend, new
er incur the ill.will Of hiswife. Public opinion
|. In q great measure depends on the average PREF.
udiccs Of womankind.
A young girl Is fishing rod-the eyes are
the hook, the smile Is tho bait, the lover is the
gudgeon, and marriage the butter in which he
Is fried
There Is boy about town who Is 20
cross eyed that II he looks at bottle his eyes
act as regular cork.screws, and draw the cork
instanter. lie always imasincs his eyes to be .
big building around tho corner.
A mother told her little boy to pray that all
his old naughty sins might be taken away. lie
complied and prayed as follows 20 Lord.
take away all my old naughty sins, and give
me some good now ones" His mother didn't
see It in that light.
During the examination Of witness as tothe
location of stairs In house, tho counsel asked
him (Which way do the stairs runr Tho
witness very innocently replied Zone way
they run up stairs, but the other way they run
down stairs" The learned counsel winked both
eyes, and then took look at the ceiling
Ono man rarely ridiculcs another In conyer-
sation with woman, unless ho happens to DO
Jealous of him. TIe has too much esprit do
corps; he does not Ike to admit tho Idea that q
male bped can DO ridiculous; he secs dimly tho
possibility Of similar position for himself But
II rumor ever watts to you the echoes Of that
mysterious conclave which men hold when no
woman Is near. you shall then learn what gos-
sip, scandal and satire really may bc.
A mans Imagination seldom enters into the
sphere Of the affections, but womans ID there
and always busy. II has thousand beautify-
ing processes to accomplish, and 10 far. per-
haps, its Office Is salutary. But II has also
thousand painful possibilities to suggest, and
so far Its work Is purely evil. Ittormsnts tho
heart In which Il Is born, but this Is not tho
worst without severe control Il will torment
the objects Of that hearts affections.