The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1864-09-10

middle-aged ladies only give one glance round,
administer the shake-test 10 a suspicious look
ing chair which you have put into the shade, but
on which everybody pouces-and then OF they
60 to the bedroom and kitchen departments,
where they are In their element.
They lift up corners of counterpanes and peer
| into bed-tcks. They want bcd-Curtains where
they are present. They require additional chests
Of drawers, and are Of opinion that your ward
robe with the looking glass door takes up great
deal Of room, and holds nothing. They object TO
your keeping one small room at the top Of tho
house locked up ) and, when they have done dis
poraging the whole Of your bedroom arrange
ments, and have abused your kitchen-rauge, aud
qualrcled with your boiler, and scOrned your
oven, they take 10 shifting in your little hall, and
muttcring the Objectionable word "drains"
There is something gratutously insolent about
i the behaa7,,!or Of these knowing ones, | offer
them the article have 10 dispose OF, 1 uo,, , 49,.
! them to take il, or even to look at IT, II they
| choose TO enter, ctthom observe closely and form
| their own conclusions. We court examination.
With the exception oi that char with the mother
/ oi-pcar let into the back-which bad obviously
| disagreed with its consdtution--all Is fair and
| abOye-hoard. We don't ask these ladies for their
opinions so let them keep those opinions 10 them
| selves instead Of delivering them in all parts Of
| the house, and in loud key, too. / even con-
cedo 20 these disagreeable persons a right TO sniff
| in the passage, having done so myself on many
| occasions; but the results Of such suings should
| never be communicated by these ladies to each
| other, til they get outside.
| And there Is yet another class Of persons who
| night adyantageoHsy wait till they get outside
to say their say. These arc the ladies aud gen
| tlemtn who portion out your rooms, and discuss
| the changes they thiuk ~ would be desirable TO
/ make in your abode, before your very face. They
| keep your wife waiting and standing while they
| talk in the drawing-rOOm .-"Wcl, you know,
| dear, at pinch we could put Jane into the room
| with The al dC byUt-nO, l forgot, that's 10 he
locked up very incouvenient.' "But III tell you
| what we could do breaks in another. eve
| could bring down the washng-stond out OF the
top front room, and the iron bedstead out Of the
| garrett" "Yes, that might do you know she's
very seldom with us, after all, dear girl so much
| with the Orpiments Lady Orpiment told me
| herself in 50 many words !" and so they 50 on.
There Is, however, possibility Of simply
walking out Of the room while all this is going on
which is not the case when you get hold of one of
those scOurges Of sOclety-a communicative old
gentleman, class Of individuals with whom if
yOu have q house to let, you will have very fire.
qucnt dealings. He il is who getting into the
| room in which you are secreed, begins to bow,
and grin, and apologize, and make inquiries about
the henlthiness Of the neighbOrhOOd or about
| anything else that promises to give him a start.
"Ihe fact is" he says, "that it's necessary for me
to make inquiries as TO that point-my wife, only
| well, won't mention her age but as healthy u
| woman to look at as you'd see anywhcre-ls suf-
| teriDg from throat affection, and | wish to be
| within easy reach of DIR. Flock, with whose name
| you are no doubt acquainted, and who seems to
| me thoroughly to understand the case, not that
| expect that she will be in the doctors hands,
| month or so-althOugh similar attack from
| which she suffered about five, no. six years ago,
| If remember rightly, kept her confined to her
| room for eleven mOnths-at the same time, DIR.
| Flock is of the opinion that the attack in this
case is much less severe; !" and so he goes on.
| Nor have you any chance of escape from him
and his tribe. Sometimes too, this old gentle
| man VIII have son concerning whom he is
| lOquacious. "The establishment would consist"
| this communicative person informs you, "Of
himself and his wife, and Just one son. In
| deed, IL is on account of that son that they
| wish to come to town for awhile. The fact is,
| that the boy, clever lad, made his way remark
| ably well hitherto hes got an appointment in
| the Admiralty, an appointment of rather an eN-
| ceptional nature too his mother mainly instru-
mental in obtaining 1t through our cousin, Lord
| Torpedo, and as it will be necessary for the boy
| to be up in London, his mother thinks we ought
| TO look after him little, just at first. A young
| fellow coming up 10 town Tor tue first time wants
| something in the shape OF home"
Sometimes these communicative people raise
your hopes by the encomiums which they pass
| upon your house, but it cannot be too distinctly
| understood that their praises, and even their
promises, mean nothing. "Ah, very nice house,
very nice house indeed" one of these individuals
will say Eyes, think itwould suit me very well.
| I've got house at present, good way from here,
at the other side of the town, larger house than
| this, with more bedrooms. Indeed, il suits me
| very well, but my wife, she's taken a fancy to
this particular neighborhood, and nothing else
will do, and ladies, you know, must have their
way. Yes, think this house will do very well.
When did you say it would be vacant All, well,
| think | shall take it; house agent Mr.. Smith,
you say Hesi oh, it will do very nicely" Of
this gentleman you never hear again. He doesn't
take the house, nor does he so near Mr.. Smith,
the agent
There Is a lady, too with flattering tongue,
who is not TO be relied on. She has mOrose
companion of the male sex with her whom she
in vain seeks TO warm into enthusiasm. She
it is who eXclnims "Ob, what dear little con-
servatOry what charming pictures; bedrooms
Vrfun LOT a fhs4Nr oil
which the gentleman only responds by uttering
a sound which authors can only convey very
nadCquately by the monosyllable "Humph."
Yet of that man who says "Humph, !" there is
more chance than of the hattering lady. 1t may
be set down as an axiom, that when you have an
articlc-house, horse, picture, what you will-to
dispose of, and when a lady or gentleman praises
that article very much, and says that he or she
| will call again, you may look upon such lady or
| gentleman thenceforth as nOn-eXisteut for your
purpose. The disparagers are disagreeable but
theN have one merit at least. they are trustworthy.
Aid this stands to reason. Would you, If you
| were going TO take house, praise it to the
| owners face 1t would be madness. You would
| tempt him, on the spur of the moment, TO change
his reigns into guineas, to turn the scraper,
and the letter-boX, and the very iinger-plates ON
| the dTawing-rOom door into fixtures, and invent
| a premium on the spot for your special benefit.
| No, no; if you mean to take a house you dis
| parage it, you look about you with an appearance
| of disgust, you mutter 10 your companion that
| Greatly you think the other house round the
corner would suit you better" and that this par
ticular residence is very dear. By doing this,
you humble the owner Of the property, you lower
The worth of IL in his own eyes. You keep him
humble and diiident and dispose him TO peni-
| tcHce and abundant concession.
| There is one more particular kind of house
| hunter, without mention of whom this small
| list would be incomplete. This is the timid yisi-
tor; and a more difficult person 20 deal with can
hardly be imagined. There is no getting him to
look at things. There is getting him fairly
| into any room. He ls so drcadfully afraid of
inuuding He stands with his head thrust
| forward at the door. "Ths is the drawing
roOm," says theseryant to which the timid gentle
man asSenis but when invited b enter, cmphati-
cally declines TO do SO. "He can see from where
be is ; and It's very nice" Nothing will induce
him 10 enter any room in which he catches
sight Of a human being; on the contrary, he
skps back as il he had been shot; nor will he
even "inuude" into any one OF the sleeping
apartments. From these he retres, ghastly with
fear; and, indeed the impression conveyed by
his whole conduct, is that Of an individual who
believes that if he once gets inside of any one OF
the rooms which he is invited TO examine, he will
be then and there shut up, and not be delivered
without payment Of prOdigious ransom.
| This nervous gentleman may close the list OF
hOuse-bunters. They are a timid and suspicious
race, and seem to be on the lookout for snares
and pitfalls at every turn. No doubt their fears
are not altogether groundless, a house-like a