Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1864-03-24

tions that fellow can't do thing. The par
lors are splendid, but so lonesome and dismal
not ray of sunshine, in fact not a ray of
light, except when a visitor is calling, and
then they open crack. They're afraid of
flies, and yet the, dear knows, they keep ev-
cry looking glass and picture frame mutfled
tosits throat from March to December Ia
like for curiosity, to see what fy would do
in our parlors"
Well" said l. q can't you have some little
family sitting room, where you can make
yourselves cozy?"
Not bit of it. Sophie and Aunt Zeruah
hav fixed their throne up in our bedroom,
and there they sit all day long except at call
ing hours, and then Sophie dresses herself
and comes down. Aunt Zernah insists upon
it that the way is to put the whole house in
order, and shut all the blinds and sit in your
bedroom, and then, she says, nothing gets out
of place and she tells poor Sophie the most
hOcus-pocus stories about her grandmothers
and aunts, who always kept everything in
their houses so that they could 90 and Law
their hands on it in the darkest night. Iii
bet they could in our house. From end to
end it Is kept shut up and looking as if we
had gone to Europe-not a book, not pa
per, not glove, nor a trace of a human be-
ing in sight. The Piano shut tight, the book
cases shut and locked, the engravings locked
up, all the drawers and closets locked WHY,
if | want to take fellow in the library, in
the first place it smells like a vault, and 7
have to unbarricade windows, and rummage
for half an hour before can get anything;
and | know Aunt Zcraah is standing tip-toe
at the door, ready to whip everything back
and lock it up again. A fellow can't be So
ciaI, or take any comfort in showing his books
and pictures that way. Then there's our
great light dining room with its sunny south
windows. Aunt Zeruah got Us out of that
early in April, because she said the flies
would speck the frescos and get into the china
closet, and we have been eating in a little
dingy den, with a window looking on the
back alley, ever since and Aunt Zeruah says
that now the dining room is always in perfect
order and that it is such care off Sophie's
mind that | ought to be willing to eat down
cellar to the end Of the chapter. Now, you
see, Chris, my position is delicate one, be-
cause SOphie's folks all agree that if there is
anything in creation that is ignorant and
dreadful and mustn't be allowed his way any
where, it's a man. Why, you'd think to
hear Aunt Zeruah talk, that we are like bulls
in a china-shop, ready to toss and tear and
rend, if we are not kept down cellar and
chained; and she worries Sophie, and So
phic's mother comes in and worries, and if |
try to get anything done differently, Sophie
cries, and says she does not know what to do,
and so | give it up. Now if [ want to invite
a few of our set in socially to dinner, can't
have them eat where we eat, down cellar
Oh, that would never do d! Aunt Zeruah and
SOphie's mother and the whole family would
think the family's honor was forever ruined
l i ,yl-,r,1 %,N4 L
we open the dining room, and have out the
best china, and get the silver home from the
bank; and if we do that Aunt Zeruah does
not sleep for a week beforehand getting
| ready for it, and for week after, getting
things put away, and she tells me that, in
Sophie's delicate state, it really is abomin-
able for me to increase her cares, and so |
invite fellows to dine with me at Delmonico's
and then Sophie's mother says it doesn't look
respectable for a family man to be dining at
| public places.
My wife soothed the chafed spirit and spake
comfortably unto him, and told him that he
| knew there was the old lounging-chair always
| ready for him at our fireside "And YOU
| know" she said, &" our things are all so plain
| that we are never tempted to mount any
| guard over them; our carpets are nothing,
and therefore we let the sun fade them, and
live on the sunshine and the flowers"
"That's it," said Bill bitterly. "Carpets
| fading that's Aunt Zeruah's monomania.-
| These women think that the great object of
houses is to keep out sunshine What fool
was when | gloated over the prospect of our
sunny south windows! Why, man, there are
three distinct sets of Notifications against
the Sunshine in those windows; first, outside
blinds; then, solid, folding, inside shutters ;
and, lastly, heavy, thick, lined damask cur
talns, which loop quite down to the floor
What's the use of my pictures, | desire to
know? They are Lung in that room, and it's
regular campaign to get light enough to see
what they are"
But at all events you can light them up
with gas in the evening"
{" In the evening Why, do you know nv
wife never wants to sit there in the evening !?
| She says she has so much sewing to do, that
| she and Aunt Zeruah must sit up in the bed
room, because it wouldn't do to bring work
| into the parlor! What if some threads should
drop on the carpet? Aunt Zeruah would
| have to open all the Notifications next day.
| and search Jerusalem with candles to find
them. No; III the evening the gas is lighted
up at halt-cOck, you know; and if I turn it
up, and bring my papers and spread about
me, and pull down some books to read, I can
! feel the nervousness through the chamber
floor. Aunt Zeruah looks in at eight. and at
a quarter past, and at half past, and at nine,
and at ten, to see if | am done, so that she
may Told up the papers and put book on
them, and lock up the books in their cases.
Nobody ever comes in to spend an evening.
They used to try it when we were first mar
ried, but believe the unikhabited appear-
auce of our parlors discouraged them. Ev-
erybody has stopped coming now, and Aunt
Zeruah says it is such comfort, for now the
rooms are always in order. How poor Mrs.
Crowtield lives, with her house such a thor
oughfare, she is sure she can't see. SOPHIE
never could have strength for it; but then,
to be sure, some folks amt as particular as
others. Sophie was brought up in family OF
very particular housekeepers."
NV wife smiled with that calm, easy,
amused smile, that has frightened her sofa
for so many years.
Bill added, bitterly:
"Of course, couldn't say that l wished
the whole set and system of house keeping
women at the-what's his name, because So
phie would have cried for a week, and been
utterly forlorn and disconsolate | know it's
not the poor girls fault; try sometimes to
reason with her, but you can't reason with
the whole of your wifes family, to the third
and fourth generation backwards; but I'm
sure it's hurting her health-wearing her out.
Why, you know Sophie used to be the life of
our set, and now she seems to be really eaten
up with care from morning to night, there
are so many things in the house that some
thing dreadful is happening all the while, and
the servants we get are so clumsy. WHY,
when sit with Sophie and Aunt Zeruah. it's
nothing but constant string of complaints
about the girls in the kitchen W. kaan