Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1864-01-18
Niseries of a BRIDEGROOM.

Inc eultOr OF country paper HIS Deeu
absent for few weeks, and during that
time drunken compositor had been en-
ployed half dpy, but he had made so
many blunders, that it was not deemed
advisable to endure his presence any
longer. One day after the editors return
he was seated in his Office, writing a
" crusher' against political opponent,
when the door was flung violently open
and stranger rushed in, bearing in one
hand copy of the Crabto,cn Clarion, and
in the other huge family umbrella, Ia
battering ram. .r.L
.a Stranger-ferociously)-"Yo You are edi-
tor, eh :" ....-r a..r-r., 80.
Editor (blandly) =" Sometimes, sir.
Take scat"
Stranger" I'm from Goshen-a re-
spectacle attorney, sir. Don't stir, sir
Shaking the umbrella mcnacingly) ; you
shall hear me through, sir, and then
drawing himself out an inch,) depend
confdentially upon fogging l am
lust married, sir-not o fortnight since
and on the happy day (here the umbrella
quiyered sympLthetically), forwarded
you notice Of the same. Though have
hitherto been above poetry, thank heaven,
/ added in q moment of weakness an
humble verse of my own composition,
fitting, thought, to the occasion. Here's
the correct version, sir" (reports from
memory: @
MARRIED. In Goshen, July 4th, A
Conkey, ESQ.,, to Miss Euphcmia Virgins.
Love is tho union of two hearts, @
That beat In softest melody;
Time with ifs ravages inparts
No bitter fusion to Its ccstacy.
"Not much-still poetry, still rhyme.
Next week got your paper, carried it to
my Euphemia; we opened it and turned
our eyes together to the marriage list.
Blood and thunder what do we see!
An abusive, atrocious-but no, sir, am
cool umbrella giving the lie in every rib),
am cool, sir. Here's your internal sheet.
Hear what it says, sir, and tremble."
"opens the paper and reads:
MARRIED. AT Goshen, July 4th, A.
Donkey. Esq, to Miss Euphemia Piggins.
.r Jove Ii an onion Of two heads
The beet IL soft and mellowy;
Time with Its cabbagcs In carts,
No better feeding to an extra pay.
"What do you think Of that, sir (um-
brella raised.) Donkey. eh .Piggins, is
it: My poetry, ehs It has unnerved me
driven me mad. 1 can't take walk.
but that the small boys-mere infants, sir
ring the hideous chord in my ears.
Some scoundrel has altered the name on
my sign to suit your cursed orthography.
Don't apologize-I wont listen to any
thing. My house, just painted, is scrawled
over by horrid portraits and emblems, and
all owing to you. You're comered, sir;
don't move on your life! You're the de-
stroyer of my happiness, my life, my
Euphemia-"
With that fond name, the last string Of
moderation snapped. He advanced
step, struck an attitude, and then the edi-
tor-we almost had said. But no; just
as the family umbrella was midway in the
blow, the door opened, and some visitors
entered. The injured man hesitated.
Here was witnesses. Visions Of IN action
for assault and battery, with big damages
and costs, rose in his mind, and the UNI
brella dropped harmless to the floor. Tho
lawyer triumphed over the man. He
turned on his heel and strobe out Of thu
room, muttering as he went " Failed this
time-one thing left-libel law-catch it,