The Portland daily press., 1864-03-25
MISCELLANY.
CONSERVATION in Respectable Family.

We regret to say that through the blunder-
Ing OF u country cousin, one OF the first iami-
lies in Boston was recently thrown into a
state OF CONSERVATION and indignation vi ich
1t is impossible 10 describe. For a while Sc
ols conseq re ices were apprehended, but af-
ter proper restoratiyes were applied and ex-
plantations made.the family were enabled to
take their meals with the accustomed regular
ity and relish. The Misunderstanding was
caused In singular manner, aud can, in a
measure, be attributed to the number of mill
tary heroes who iuiest the city.
II seems that the cousin who caused the
trouble Is native of Vermant, and now on a
visit 70 an uncle in the city. One evening
during the recent spell of cold weather, the
only daughter of the house, a lady OF seven
teen, whose delicacy is a part Of her nature,
and whose mind was entirely above earthly
things, with the exception OF the opera, new
dresses aud carriage, remarked one evening
Ia the presence of her cousin and her family,
without word of warning, that she was fear
full Of freezing ii she went 10 bed.
Her mother was about to utter some ex-
preston of consolation, when the cousin rude
that he was Remarked in a loud tone, so
loud that every one heard him
why don't you take major to bed with
you?"
There was a faint shrek, and Henrietta
was observed to fall senseess On the plush
sofa. Her position was noted, however, for
Its grace aud the careful manner in which her
crinoline was adjusted.
"Wretchw cried the father, "you have MUIR
dered my daughter with yonr vulgarity"
Monster exclaimed the mother, chow
could you? and such delicate nerves as she
has too"
II swow" yelled the Vermonter, with dole
full look, II didn't mean-"
"Silence, sir" cried the brother who had
attempted to obtain commission as brigader
general, and failed only because he once be-
longed to a home guard aud knew, therefore,
too much about military affairs.
"Darn it, won't you"
"No, sir, we will not cried the onraged
parents. "A man that recommends my daugh-
ter TO sleep with major Is not DIT for decent
society,""
But didn't mean it" screamed the YAM
kee, but no attention was paid TO his words,
''She revives-she reyives-the shock has
not killed her." the doting mother said bend
ing over her child aud kissing her.
"Only think" said the fair Que, "that cousin
should recommend common major, "when
there are SO many major generals without
wives
ut was a cruel blow, but you must bear up,
darling" whispered the mother.
'Darnation wont SOMEBODY listen TO me ?"
cried tie perplex Vermonter, II didn't
mean that Hen. should sleep with a real live
major-one of them malicious officers. In
course didn't. And don't want ner to, I'M
less she is married, and then she may. for all
care. / wanted her to do as our gals do cold
nights. They heat bricks and put to their
feet, and up in our parts the gals call them
majors. that's what | mean, and what's the
use of a fuss about 1t, that's what | want %
know"
at seems that we are laborng under mis-
take" said the head of the family "but really
hereafter where there are young ladies in the
room, don't think I'd mention such things.
The young ladies of the city are too delicate
for such vulgar Names"
The Vermonter promised to be more care
full 10 future, and the family are doing Well.