The Burlington weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington [Iowa]) 1860-1876, 1864-03-19

y awthorne. Welke your BOOKS TOO we'll;
and besides, If you have laughed at MS, are
have but done with the pen, in somewhat
fqf' q elunsy form, that which John Leech is
+ d9inr evefv week, and gracefully and wit
+ iiiA. 18th the pencil: and II the offense Of
massine- money at our own expense were
indaaeo rank, the humble individual who
inoitsss these lines would have been clap
ped inits, the pillory, and ,egged, and stoned
I 10 dealt snany years since. 'ttpit
? But. MY Hawthorne, IT the British ma
ter fap.sg.sas be fond of good cheer, she has
at least s(ep ething to show for it. Her APP
pear~rce stoes credit to her feeding and
lbreedinv The Cokes OF HOlkham. that
I Baahalns, ,,,ould have found much com
fort in her Conditions. There are blood and
bone there a.s we'll as flesh; symmetry as
well as weight; muscle rather than sur
4plusage Of aaapose matter. But what phvs-
teal return I'D your ladies make for the
goods the gods ,provide?s Do they thrive
on their auaneiant provender? Does the
enormous quantity OF solid food they con-
sumo do them any good?
| grahtth pr@ttiness of your very yonnv
girls; they arc really '.trim little damsels:5
but yonder Hea&er fUmitia:, who, having
disposed OF pork chops, sauce kobut and
fried potatoes, mas now thrown herself with
desperate artioT ata to tenderfoin steak and
scrambled eggs he, bony, integuminbus
and high drie Il " tn a beak like the PROV
of Roman galley and a countenance like
old John Iisca j. - n, which he had tanned
and made into q ir1m-what benefit has
she derived from high feeding? paal
! She eats and dae s not fatten. The Moor
ish SPECTATORS who raise girls for the mat
rimonial markt' nr ramtning them with
kOuScOussOu, C@nSd make nothing of This
lank but insati: q came. What is il? 'rhe
climate. or the 81 potatiOns Of iced water
she inlhibes? ,ere must be some cansa
II Hrv ttS<Av NlnV WI u
very unhealthy. Ntn3 Ea
| As for the appeste f the men folks.
There is little to be v }5 red at in il, Thew
| have always in view neal times high
moral purpose. They have duty 10 Per
/ form. They pay three dollars a day for
their board at Willard and tnev are deter
mined 10 have the full amount of their
moneys worth for their money. Tins.
Ithere is breakfast FROM half past seven to
] eleven, dining from halt-pa one to three.
ldining again at tive. tea a. haii-past seven.
and supper at nine. You may be. ALWAYS
eating. ana there TO SEEM to be guests at
! Willard :, who never miss a meat, but are
! continually gorging. Some art is requisite.
fneSSe has 10 tie exercised. however TO OH
tain u Aieai to your Liking. There is moth
ing on the table save the iznis es forks and
glasses. the castofs and the condiments.
such as celery, anchovies, dried smelts
Gods sounds, olives, sailed cucumber beet
ed to you, and unless you be loud of voice
and authoritative III gesture, YOU wili not
find the walters very attentive to YOU. But
4 a pro6igious bill Of fare lies before YOU
and FROM il you mentally select such dishes
as YOU think will suit your palate. fsTher
you beckOn black waiter, and in tieiib-
crate and determined tone tell him wba,
you want. He grins from ear to ear, rolls
his eyes, and glides away. If YOU have
feed hun, or you look good naturally and
he thinks you will fee him. or he has TAX en-
Il fancy to you. he speedily returns with a
,, tray full Of oval white dishes, cOntaininp
the vianCs you have ordered.
1.-The does not care much about you, or is
engrossed in attending to regular board.
er who has bribed him to be attentive all
+ through the winter months, you NAV have
to wait many mlnutes-perhaps half an
hour-t.efore you obtain anything mt all !:
and then very probably the waiter has
been Oblivious, and brings you the wrong
things. There is in all cases, one peril
against which the stranger should I've warm
ed, Order but a few dishes and you are
lost. The negro will put you down as a
"inean cuss,' ..one-horse' sort Of a per-
son and systematically neglect You. But
order half the dishes set down in the bill
of fare, and he will at once entertain an ex-
agerated notion OF your Importance, and
almost fly to execute your commands. The
first time / breakfasted ut Wizards said
modestiy, that should like a cup of tea,
some dry toast, an egg, and \ little toasted
bacon. II struck me that the waiter re-
garded me with a very cOntemptuous look,
and that ho retired from my presence in q
very slow and supercilious manner.
waited, and waited, and waited, but no tea,
no toast, no egg, no bacon came. There
was sitting opposite to me q dapper little
man with q large beard and embroidered
shirt front, with diamond studs, cut vel
vet vest, and . pea jacket Here, you,"
he cried to the nearest Ethiop, bring me
some fried oysters, some tenderlOin steak
and onions, some scrambled eggs, pork
outlets, some fish balls, some dipDed toast
some Graham bread, some mashed turnips.
some cold ham, some buck heat cakes,
some hot coffee, and some blanc NANCE
live paid my money, and by - mean
70 see the shoU - The only way To get on
in America Is having oncs paid your
money, TO insist on seeing the show. Ii
you don't the people will think you are
mean spirited, and trample on you See
il. See the show. Have the animals stir
red up with = long pole. Pinch the spot
ted girl, TO see ii it is real flesh, or only
tights she had on. Pick the kangaroo's
pouch. Make the pelican bleed again, for
your qualification. ss4Iss
You have paid your money. Don't be
imposed upon. Take all. Halloo with
lstringent voice. Curse and swear, in a land
where execratiOns are rife. Brag louder
than the greatest braggadocios in the world.
II need be, lie-lie with face Of brass and
Lungs OF leather. ''Crack np' your own
country, 10 the detriment Of all others
Vow that we won the battle Of Fontanoy.
Swear that Peter Morrison was the greatest
philanthropist Of the age. Declare that Mr.
Roebuck is ninety feet high. If man
splits on your boot, spit on his waistcoat,
and then guess that you did not aim low
enough II you find his letters lying
about, read them, i he tells you any thing
in confidence, publish it in a newspaper;
keep on moving; 60 ahead; 90 into BUSH
mess; smash; recuperate; drink with every
BODY: talk dollars from sunrise to mid
might. Do this, and the Americans will
admire you, and you may admire them
They viii say. you are q "smart man" and
at last you will be spoken Of as a remark
able man. But if you pay your money
and don't walk up to the booth; if you are
nervous and abashed, If rudeness pains and
bestial manners disgust you; If you strive
to substitute temperate argument for frothy
defamation, and rational proof for impu-