North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1864-12-07
HOW HE CAME TO BE MARRIED.

II N
1t may be funny, but I've done it. I've
got rib and baby. Shadows departed
oyster stews, brandy cocktails, cigar boxes,
boot jacks, absconaing shirt buttons, whist
and demjon. Shadows present-hoop skirts
hand boxes, ribbons, garters, long stockings,
juvenile dresses, tin trumpets, little willow
chairs, cradles, bios, pap,sugar teats, paregor
ic. hive syrup, castor oil, Golfrey's cordial,
soothing syrup, rhubarb, sena, salts, squills,
and DOCTORS bills. Shadows future-more
pound babies, more hive syrup, etc., etc. I'll
just tell you how got caught; was almost
the darndest, most tea custard bashful fellow
you ever did see, it was kinder in my line to
be taken with the shakes every time | saw
pretty gal approaching me, and I'd cross the
street any time rather than face one twasn't
because didn't like the critters, for if / was
behind the fence, looking through knot hole,
1 couldn't look at one long enough. Wel!,my
sister Lib gave party one night, and stay
ed away from home because | was to bashful
to face the music. hung around the house
whistling "Old Dan Tucker" dancing to keep
my feet warm, watching the heads bobbing
up and down behind the window curtains, ,and
wishing the laundering party would break
up SO could get to my room. | smoked up
bunch of cigars, and as it was getting late
and mighty uncom Portable, l concluded to
shin up the door post. No sooner said than
done, and soon put myself snug in bed.
"Now,' says l, "let her rip Dance till
your wind gives out % And cuddling under
the quilts, Morpheus grabbed me.
I was dreaming of soft shell crabs and stew
ed tripe, and was having good time. when
somebody knocked at the door and woke me
up. "Rap" again. Z laid low. crap, rap,
rap !" Then heard whispering, and !
knew there was whole raft of gals outside.
"Rap. rap"' Then Lib sings out.
"Jack, are you in there 2"
eyes," says L.
Then came roar of laughter,
"Let as n." says she.
II won IT," says l, "can't you let a fellow
alone ?'
care you a-bed 2" says she.
II am" says,I.
"Get up," says she.
81 won't" says l.
Then came another laugh.
BY thunder began to get riled.
"Get out, you perticoated scarecrows % l
cried: "can't you get beau without hauling
fellow out of bed ? won't go home with
you-I won't-so you may clear out 2"
And, throwing boot at the door, | felt
better. But presently oh mortal buttons |!
heard still, small voice, very much like
sister Lib's aad it said:
"Jack, you'll have to get up for all the
girls things are there n'
Oh, Lord, what pickle Think of me in
bed, all covered with shawls, muffs, bonnets
an6 cloaks, and twenty girls outside the door
waiting to get in fl had stopped to think
| should have pancaked on the spot. As At
was, rolled out among the bonnet ware and
libbons in hurry. Smash went the milln-
cry in every direction. had to dress in the
dark-for there was crack in the door, and
the girls will peep-and the way l fumbled
about was death on straw hats. The critical
moment came. opened the door, and found
myself right among the women.
"Oh, my Leghorn 2" cries one. "My dear
darling, winter velvet J" cries another, and
they pitched in-they pulled me this way and
that, boxed my ears and one bright eyed
little piece Sal--her name was-put
her arms right around my neck, and kissed
me right on my lips. Human nature couldn't
stand that, and gave her as good as she
sent. 1t was the first time ever got taste
and it was powerful good. l believe | could
have kissed that gal from Julius Caesar to the
Fourth Of July.
"Jack," said she, "we are sorry to disturb
you but won't you see me home 2"
"Yes," said l, 81 will"
gate, too. After that we took kinder turtle
doving after each other, both of us signing
like barrel of new cider, when we were
away from each other. twas at the close of
glorious summer day-the sun was setting
behind distant hen-roost-the bull frogs
were commencing their evening songs-the
polly wogs, in their native mud puddles, were
preparing themselves for the shades of night
and Sal and myself sat upon an antiquated
backlog listening to the music of nature, such
as treetoads, roosters and grunting pigs, and
DOW and then the mellow music of distant
iaekass was waited to our ears by the gentle
zcphyrs that sighed among the mullen stalks
and came heavy laden with the delicious odor
of hen roosts and pig styes. The last linger-
ing rays Of the setting sun, gIanciDg from the
buttons of q olitary horseman, ,shone through
| knothole in hog pen full in Sal's face, dy-