The Union. [volume] (Georgetown, Del.) 1863-1866, 1864-01-08

ma go home with her from partee git the
gals endorsement and sale in it is proper
enuff tn ask her tn take your arm, but yu
haint got no rite tn put your arm around her
waste, unless yu meet bear on the rode, and
then yu are bound to take your arm away,
just as soon as the bear gifts safely by.
Waip.-Yu are rite: mules live to long
age; i've known them myself tn live one
hundred years, and not half tri. Yu are
rite also, about their being sure footed
i've known tn kick a man twise in sekund,
ten feet oph.
Gertrude.-Yure inquiry stumps me. The
more think on it, the more kant tell Az
near az kan rekolek now think don't kno.
Much might be ced both ways, and neither
wa be rite. Upon the whole rather reckon
! wud, or iwuddent, jist as i thought best
or otherwise.
PIatark.-Yu are mistaken, tho Shakers
don't marry. Ifyoung Shakers fall in low
tina are sot to wedding onions, and that kares'
them forthwithly. kant tell yu now how
much it does knost tn jine the Shakers, but
i beleav that expenze used tn be, including
having yure hair cut and farming how tn
danse, about 500
Sportsman.-Yur inquiry is not edzackly
in my line, but hate to reply, as follers, to
wit; The rite length tn cut off a dogs tale
haz never yet bin fully discovered, but is
undoubtedly somewhere bak ov hiz ears, pro
vided yu git the dogs consent. N. Bit
amt absolutely necessary the dogs con cent
shall be in riteing,
Rate.-I think Lord Biron waz the auther
ov the lines yu spoke ov: twas either him
or twas Captain Kidd, one or thother. Bi-
ron was dreeful timber at riteing poetri so
was Kidd, but Biron was tho limberest
MUNDEN's JoRE.-Joe, as it is pretty well
known, was once at dinner party placed be-
fore a haunch of venison and requested to
carve it,
"Really, gentlemen" ~ do declare know
very little about table anatomy dare say
now there, is some particular cut in a
haunch-some fayorite bonmorceau-I dare
say there is-but ] assure ye am quite
ignorant where to pick for it."
A dozen knives instantly started from the
cloth, and Munden was instructed where
the rich meat lay. Joe uttered a long string
of thanks, worked out prime slice, loaded
1t with sauce and jelly, and then, with the
plate in his hand, looked through his glasses
round the table, Every hand was ready,
and every mouth prepared.
REALLY, gentlemen" said the comedian,
II wish I could please you; but if l give the
tit-bit to one l sh all offend the rest; so,
egad," added he, "Ill keep it myself, and
let every gentlemen help himself to what he
likes best"
A Humorous old man fell in with an ig-
norant and rather impairment young minis
ter, who proceeded to inform the old gen
tleman, in very positive terms, that lie could
never reach heaven unless he was born
again, and added, 81 have experienced that
change and now feel no anxiety" "Al
have you been born AGAIN." said his COM
panion, amusingly. "Yes, I trust have"
"Well," said the old gentleman, cycling him
attentively, 81 don't think it would hurt
you, young man, to be born once more"
DR.. GLEN, a rich misery old widower,
made proposition of marriage to a young
girl. He promised her everything she
wanted, if she would have him. "Will you
let me keep my carriage?" asked She
YES" was the reply. They were married,
and carriage was purchased. "Where's
the horses ?" inquired the lady. "That's
more than l bargained for" said the doctor
Il promised that you might keep your car
riage. There it is, keep it where you please
my dear"
A Boy was caught in the act of stealing
dried berries in front Of store the other
day, and was locked in a dark closet by the
grocer. The boy commenced begging most
pathetically To be released, and after using
all the persuasion that isyoung mag nation
could invent, proposed, "Now, if you'll let
me out and send for my daddy, he'll pay
you for the berries, and lick me besides l''
This appeal was too muah for the grocery
man to stand out against.
A YANKEE made a bet with Dutchman
that he could swallow him. The Dutchman
lay down upon the table, and the Yankee
taking his big toe in his mouth, nipped it
severely. "Oh, you are biting mel' roared
! the Dutchman. "Why, you CID fool" replied
f the Yankee, ibid you think was going to
swallow you whole?"
ONE NIGHT at the opera, Mr.. T, a
J well known auctioneer, joined with the null
titude in calling out, "Forti, Forti, Forti ?"
"Iro and half" added a wag, Mr.. r
/ was silenced. "Did you ever see Forti ?"
asked city gent of a lady from the country
} at one of Maretzek's operas. "Sse forty !"
said she, with an indescribable air, 81 amt
! thirty-fve yet"
The late Judge Peters has left behind him
some good puns, among which is the follow
: ing; When on the District Court Bench, he
observed to Judge Washington that one of
the witnesses had a vegetable head. GLOW
sof" was the inquiry. HE has carroty hair.
u reddish cheeks, turn-up nose, and a sage