The Placer herald., 1864-03-19
Proclamation of Amnesty to My ssErrine
Sisters.O

full as much sound sense, and great dea
more wit, than Lncoln's Proclamation O
amnesty" and really echoes Lincolnisn in
much better manner than Lincoln can do i,
himself.
WHEREAS, A dozen Of my wayward ISIS
ters" did, on a certain day, eope from my
boarding house, with worthless scamp nam.
ed Southern Coufederscy, (so,calied,) with,
out cause or provocation, having set up
housekeeping for themselves in rocky
shanty, situated south Of the old homestead
and,
WHEREAS, This shanty was built on my
land, which inherited from my old Puritan
Father; and,
WHEREAS, The aforesaid "Sissers" have
become greatly reduced in circumstances
insomuch as to be in want of certain neces.
sares, such as tea, bacon and dmity; and,
WHEREAS, The rebellious spirit of pori
ton of these Sisters" has become subdued.
they having repented of their trancgressons
and become converted to the true Abrahamic
faith:
Therefore, |, in the sweetness of my tenn
per- and in the magnanimity of my generous
nature, do ordain promulgate set forth and
let fly the conditions upon which they may
be received again into my bosom:
First: These runaway females above men,
toned, are required to pack up their ear
rings, bosom.pins, side-combs, perfume bot
ties, cups and saucers, candle-mo Ids and
all other ornaments, usually denominated
housekeeping" and deliver the same within
thirty days at Fortress Monroe, in the care
of Ma jor General Butler, who has peculiar
knack for the safe-keeping Of other peoples
property.
Second: Every Sister owning certain chat
ties called negroes, mulattoes, quadroons or
other property, of a mixed or coored nature,
are required to paste over their two eyes a
postal currency, Of a denomination not less
than five cents, and in such manner as to
prevent them from ever finding their way
back, and cause them to be delivered, without
delay, at the emancipation Bureau" soon
to be erected in Washington, and of which
Joshua r. Giddings, Wendell Philips, and
Parker Pillsbury are to be the Grand Yohoes,
and Susan b. Anthony, Lucretia Mott and
Mrs. Rose the VestaI Virgins In the mean.
time, while this edifice is being constructed
the said negroes will occupy the moose yard
formerly called Mary land, but which Of late,
by direction of the President, has been
humaneIy converted into pasture suitable
for this purpose.
Third: AS the said "Sisters," after they
return, will have no further use for the house
and lot where they have been living, they
are hereby ordered to bring along with them
ol..it of ho p,I
be taken in part payment for their board and
other expenses during their elopage.
The above terms havirg been complied
with, the following oath OR affirmation if
subscribed to, will seal the restoration, unless
happen to change my mind. Perhaps
may conclude to do it in some other way,
and hence no SISTER" will be obliged to
take it unless she wants to.
|, erring Sister, do hereby affirm and de
clare, that | will support, for President of
the United States, my benefactor, DR.. Faust,
during his natural life. That will support
all his procamations both past, and present;
those made last year and those to be made
next year. That | will support all his utter
snces, whether he utters them or not; all his
winks, blinks, grimaces, anecdotes, contor-
tons, conundrums and the smallpox. And
further declare that, in case the said Doc.
tor should decline the honor of which there
is no immediate prospect, will support bis
son Bobby" (so called) with the same de-
voton as in the case of the sire. And l
further declare that, in case should ever
find myself in doubt as how to act in any
premises whatever, I will not rely upon my
own Judgment or be governed by the dictates
Of my own conscience, but will apply imme
diate y to the aforesaid Anthony, Mott and
Rose, or to their spiritual adviser, Horace
Greeley to instruct me in my duty.
FAUST.
P. ST. deem it proper to state that l
have not seen Wendell Phillips for some
time and therefore have not told him that
the issuing of this proclamation SIS the most
foolish act of my We."
The exceptions to the above amnesty are
the rascals who enticed away my erring
Sisters, who will be duly chastised when |
catch them --unless l change my mind.
"CoMING Down TO DORIS" "-Secretary
Chase is close calculate He figures up
the national debt for the next two years as
accurately as the astronomers calculate the
return Of Donati's comet which is to be
back again upon a certain day, hour and
minute sometime about the year 2,O00.-
Our debt on the lst of July, is to be 81 $780,
56,64l a., and on the 30th Of June 1865,
it will amount to s2,23l, ,935,l9o 81. Just
Two Billion Two Hundred and Thirty-one
Million Nine Hundred and Thirty five Thou
sand One Hundred and Ninety dollars-and
Tbrtyiseven Cents Now, we can stand bill
lions aud the millions, but the tacking Of
"them" thirty-seven cents to them, forming
a sort Of cracker to the whip, is what gives
the sting to the Secretary's long lash of fig
ures. But it shows what glorious thing
arithmetic is. What would have become Of
those thirtylseven cents, if there had been
no arithmetic to cypher them out, stick them
lat hny ia