The mountain Democrat., 1864-04-23
now1cAMH TO sE MARR1ED.

got q rib and Q baby. Shadows depart
ed-oyster stews, brandy cocktails, cigar
boxes. boot jacks, absconding shirt but
tons, whist and dominoes. Shadows pres
ent-hOopskir.s, bandboxes, ribbons, gait
ers, long stockings, juvenile dresses, tin
trumpets, little willow chairs, cradles,
bibS, pap, sugar-teats, paregoric. hive
syrup, castor oil. Godfreys cordial, sooth.
ing sl rup, rhubarb, Senna, salts, squilIs
and doctor bills. Shadows future-more
fine bound babies, more hive syrup, etc.,
etc. III just leIl you how got caught.
l always was the darndest, most tea.cust-
ard, bashful fellow you ever did see it
was kinder in my line to be taken With
the sshakes every time saw a pretty girl
approaching me, and I'd cross the street
any time rather than face one. 'Twasn't
because | didn't like the critters, for II
was behind 8 fence looking through Q
knot hole, couldn't look at one long
enough. Well, my sister Lib gave par
" one night, and stayed away from
home because | Was too bashful to face
the music. hung around the house
whistling 'Oid Dan Tucker dancing to
keep my feet warm, watching the heads
oobolng up and down behind the window
curtains. and wishing the laundering par
ty would break up, 80 could get to my
room. ! smoked up bunch Of cigars,
and as 1t was getting late and mighty un.
comfortable concluded 10 shin up the
door post. No sooner said than done
and | soon found myself snug in bed
ANntr ~ cai1 / unk taH IN al
your wind gives out' And cuddling un.
der the quilts, Morpheus grabbed me. I
was dreaming Of soft shell crabs and stew
ed tripe, and was having good time,
when somebody knocked at the door and
walked me up. Rap again. l laid low.
Rap, rap, rapi' Then Lib sings out,
Jack, are you in heref' Yes says I.
Then came q roar Of laughter. Let US
in says she. 4 won't, says |, cant you
let fellow aloneT Are you abed ?
says she. 4 am said I. Then came an
other laugh. By thunder began to get
riled. Get out you petticOat scarecrows,'
| cried; can't you get beau without haul
ing fellow out Of bed won't 60 home
With you-I won't-so you may clear
outr And TIN owing boot at the door,
felt better. But presently, oil mortal
buttons! | heard a still, small voice, very
much like sister Lbs, and it said. Jack,
you will have to get up, for oil the girls
thing are in therer Oh, Lord, what
pickle ! Think Of me in bed and covered
with shawls, muffs, bonnets and clOaks,
and twenty girls outside the door waiting
to get inl If 1 had stopped to think |
should have pancaked on the spot. As
it was, rolled out among the bonnet
wire and ribbons in hurry. Smash |
went the millinery in every direction.
had to dress 10 the dark--for there was Q
crack in the door, and the girls will peep
inland the way fumbled about was
death to straw hats. The critical moment
came. opened the door and found my
self right among the women. 'Oh, my
leghorn = cries one. MY dear, dear, darl-
ing winter velvetl' cries another, and
they pitched in-they pulled me this way
and that, boxed my ears, and one black
eyed little piece--Sal.-her name was
put her arms right about my neck and
kissed me smack an the lips. Human ma
ture c''uldn't stand that, and gave her
as good as she sent. It was the first time
| ever had taste, and It was powerful
good. believe could have kissed that
gal from Julius Caesar TO the Fourth of
July. Jack. said she, we are sorry to
disturb you, but won't you see me homer
Yes, said |, 4 will did do it, and had
another smack at the gate, too. After
that we took kinder turtle doving after
each other, both Of US signing like bar
rel Of new cider when We were away from
each other.
Twas at the close Of glorious summer
day-the sun was setting behind dis
tant hog pen-the chickens were going to
rooSt--the bull frogs were commencing
their evening sOngs-the pollywogs, in
native mud puddles, " ere preparing them
selves for the shades Of the highland
Sal and myself hat upon an antiquated
back log, listening to the music of nature,
such as tree toads, rooSters and grUnting
pigs, and now and then the mellow music
Of distant jackaSs was waited to our
ears by the gentle zephyrs that sighed
among the mullen stalks, and came heavy
laden with the delicious Odor Of hen roosts
aud pig styes. The last lingering rays Of
the setting sun, glarcing from the brass
buttons Of solitary horSeman, sho' e
through knot hole in the hog pen full
on Sails face, dying her hair with an
orange peel hue, and showing of my
thread bare coat to bad advantage Of
my arms was around Sails wais;, my hand
resting on the small OF her back-she was
toying with my auburn curls Of jet black
hue-she was almost gone, and was
ditto. She looked like grasshopper dy-
ing with the hiccups, and felt like q
mud turtle chokcd with cod fish ball.
SAL says ], In voice as musical as
the notes of dying swan, will you have
me" She turned her eyes heavenwar
clasped me by the hand, had an attack Of
heaves and blind Staggers, and with sigh
that drew her shoe strings to her palate,
said, 'Yes' She gave clear out, then,
and squatted in my lap-I hugged her
till broke my suspenders and her breath
smelt of onions which she ate the week
before. Well to make long story short,
she set the day, and We practiced for four
weeks every night how We would walk
into the room to be married, till we got
SO We 'uld walk as graceful as . pair Of
MuscOvie ducks. The night, the company.
and the minister came, and arm 10 arm
we marched through the crowded hail.
We were just entering the parlOr door.
when down ] went kerslap on the oil
cloth, pulling Sal with me. Some cussed
fellow had dropped . banana skin on the
floor, and il 6Oored me. II split an awful
hole in my cassimers right under my
dress coat tail. Sc Il vas too late 70 back
cot. - slaPpiEs Eoy hand c4sr Il @s
marched 10 and got splicsd, and taking .
seat l watched the kissing the bride op.
eration- Ny groomsmaR. was tiRhk and
hn kiaaall haE until I Srvo~.A