Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1864-04-28
How a "MOdel Artist" won an
lieircSS
BT NJ. q. LEWIS.

HeireSS
BY NJ. q. LEWIS.
Desirable piles" such as suit "fast
young men," are hard to find, and when
found, owing to the great competitor, a
deyelish sight harder to win; to prove
this we will relate our own experience,
for the benefit of all laying for piles
Not being manor born nor heir to a
maiden aunt, equity uncle, Or rich COVER
ncr, and feeling prcdisposition to circu-
late the filthy lucre,' instead of circula-
ting ourselves for it, we early began tc
look for spccks, percentages and safe
operations. After weighing the pros and
colts, we concluded to take a hand in the
game of matter o'money (matrimony) and
play to win therefore considered an in.
dividual about our size in one side of the
hymcnial scales to be weighed down by ar
angel with q sufficient pile
Having set cur nags, we determined tc
fly high, make or break, do or die, and
stand up in the rack in spite of landlords
flash tailors, wash women, cruel fathers
lighting brothers, or rich rivals, remem.
bering that Washington was once boy
Anticpatlon's better than participation
faint heart never won fair LADY, and
determining that if we should fail twenty
times, to never give it up So but try
try again. for always
There's a good time coming, boys,
Wait little longer"
We stuck to the text for several years
exercising talents enough to send mar
to Congress, make a respectable hero il
an over true tale, a star lawyer, or kee,
n rascal out of the States Prison.
First turned jew; was Jewc9 by q
Jewess; seeded to Methodism and shad.
bellied coats; rake cut us out; wa.
converted by Catholicism; found the
nccdful; went to the church; whirlec
into the Quaker ranks, said thee anC
thou; found the old one a dead shave
landed among the drunkards wore ;
long beard talked Dutch; had too sharl
a nose, and couldn't come in and lastl,
pitched into the Mormons had a gooC
time generally, but found the root Of al
evil scarce in that pious community.
We now gave up religion, as we founc
by dear experience that it would not pay
courted boarding school misses serena
ded rich 'vidders;' eulogizcd bellies IL
poetical columns; firted at the springs
and fattcrcd, admired, loved aud pro
posed to daughters innumerable. W,
did not come off bootless in the game, a.
we have had rings, affections, gifts, bou
qucts, billet douxes, valentines, heart.
transfxcd by. darts, kcepsakcs, VOWS
protestations, sweet smiles, soft glances
stolen kisses, and moonlight meeting
enough to satisfy all the lovers in larg,
country.
The consummation dcvoutedly to b
wished was always Knocked into cooke,
hat by cross father, kicking brother
fighting rival, covenant, visit to relations
or by our crdwfshing, whenever we foun,
the pile with too large devisor, dcpcn
dant upon the demise of hale, heart
| old one, doubtful or non est for we ha
no idea of trying doubtful experiment
objecting IN toto to devotng the rcmainde
of our span to the raising of Bcrkshircs
Dorkings, Durhams and Cherubs tn
latter, Surhcrs, the raw material fror
which grow men with patched pants an
milliners.
At last, the time and tide came alon,
and we jumped into the food in a mannc
never dreamed of in our philosophy.
We met quandom friend at the races
one Ben kinyon, who had late double
himself and estate by matrimony. Beiny
up for Cowes and market, we accepted
seat in his tandem, and were soon postin
along after spanking pair of bays, thre
minute nags. Near sln-down We arrive
at his box, where we found his bride an
a visitor absent.
Leaving Ben to superintend his bays
we retired to our room, and finding
fitted up in modern style, with baths, &c
we were soon luxuriating hydrophatically
While thus a Model Artist, enjoying tn
balmy freshness and coolness of the even
ing, we noticed across the hall, the doc
of the library open, and abstractly yalke
therein Becoming deeply engaged, W
entirely forgot our Adamized appearance
till we heard female voices approachin
in the hail. there was no chance for cs
cape, no behind the door, cubby hole q
fig leaves, whereby to hide ourselves
what fix for a modest man.
Standing on the shaded side of til
room were Plaster of Paris statutes {
Venus, Hercules, Diana, Jove, &c, whic
Ben had lately ordered, and which ha
been unpacked, and set up during tn
absence of his lady.
AS quick as thought, we sided up t
Jove, drew back one of our pedal ex
tremities, expanded the chest, folded tn
arms across it, threw back the head wit
stern expression of the phiz, rolled u
the eyes and stood as firm as the rock {
ages. The dim shadows of evening en-
veloped US in hazy light, that broke th
distinctness of outline, hid the soft tint
of flesh and blood, and so confounded th
real with the ideal, that we Hattered oui
selves we should pass muster, and max
very respectable statue.
How short sighted is man
In came Ben's lady with her CON
panion, to view the statuary.
How beautiful is this soft, mello
light.-they look like living fguresn ez
the visitor.
We involuntarily rolled an eye, an
thought how beautiful of her.
Yes; splendid specimens Of tie ar