Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1864-07-09
Brick Pomeroy Cures I Cold.

tor to quit. went 90 far down the lane that
1t was grave question whether Il were bet
ter to retrace or trace ahrad. Il was cold.
l caught it ever 20 easy. The are went out.
The lamp aickersd low. The kitchen clock
tolled ths death Of fsths day = ! told the girl
that loved her. The clock struck as the
idea struck me was getting cold. : / told the
girl 20. We sot on the Sofa.. Said che "set
up clossr." In her hp'we laid sslr head
Who cared for little cold. We talked Of
lots We talked low, because we were down
stairs. I caught the cold, but not the girl.
Then Iwent toa doctor. A doctor Of physic
20 mrt-a-physic! How do you like that
joke9 He ftltof my tongue and looked at my
pulse; said was sick. Told me to 70
home, soak my feet, cover up in bed, eat
nothing for week, aud be well. Gave him
five dollars, and saw my landlord. He said
no deductions could be made on board, so
couldn't follow the physics advice. Then l
saw another doctor. Hs told me to take two
bottles Of hot drops, blanket covered with
mustard, and 60 to bed. Told him l didn't
want hot drop till 1 dropped in forever.
Told him didn't want to be mustered in that
way. Told him didn't want to go to bed.
Then saw another knight of the Scalpel.
1t was the same night that saw, him though.
He told me to take cod-liver oil aud honey.
Told him had no cod-livsr. Then hs said
l must eat cold tallow. Said I, "That never
agrees with me-" He then told me to eat fat
beef l thought him humbug, and went
elsewhere. Thought I'd try the cold water
plan. Eminent hytlrantopatist told me to
so"k my head in ice-water; soak my feet in
ice-water; sit in a barrel of ice.water two
hours; battle my back in ice-watcr; eat
pounded ice till sweat, and Id feel better.
Good way to gst up sweat. but then it would
have spoiled skating pond to have done it.
Another doctor told me- to use dumb bells.
Supposing hv meant deaf and dumb girl,
! d~clined.
Another Esculapius told me the Homeopa.
thist style was all the rage. Gave nc FIVE
thousand little pills, marked A. Gave me
five thousand more little pills, marked B.
Gave me five thousand more little pills.
marked G. Told me to taks one pill in pail
Of water every five minutes; to take another
pill in two pals full Of water every four min
utes. Told me to take half Of another pill in
five pals Of water every two minutes. Took
two pills and went 10 the river. Hired boy
to dip up and pour down. Emptied the river
in ten minutes. Changed my base to young
lake and went At it again. C.,ld didn't i'm
prove. that is. cold didn't improve me. Went
home mad. Gave $4,000 pile to chap who
pilfered chickens from thc barn. He still
lives.
Another doctor told me to take calomcl.
Another ono told me to drink hot whisky.
How do you like thati Good doctor. Glad
l metaphysics in such spirits. Sent two
barrels Of whisky to my room. First tricd
pint of hot whisky. It K osened my eyes.
Then tried pint Of cold whisky. 1t fixed
them all right. Then l moved with great
vigilance upon pint Of hot whisky. 1t
loossned my legs. Then / threw my left
flank around q pint Of cold whisky. Felt
better. Then tried some hot whisky.
Fine doctors. Rather like them. Tried
some cold whisky. ltafFsctedmy head some-
wha.ly. Tried another pin, Of hot whisky.
Very fine doctors just how to cure q
cold. Shall employ them by the year. Tried
two pints Of cold whisky. Began to feel
better; felt like another man. Tried two
pints more Of hot whisky; frltlike two other
men. Fine doctors; ! love them quitely.
Kept on with tho whisky; felt like three or
four new men; but there never lived such
doctors. Tried half a quart Of hot whisky
mixed with half quart Of cold ditto; ditto
always means whisky.) Felt better; felt
like company Of new men. Tried to get in
line; formed in the shape ofa hollow square
on the floor. Took some more whisky; don't
remember whether it was hot or cold. or cold
Or hot. Felt much better. Passed vo:e Of
thanks to the physicians; feltbetisr. Drank
to their health; got the whisky mixed. Felt
like brigade Of new mon. Tried to sur
round nv enemy. Moved upon his works
and he gave me battle. Took another posi-
tion. Threw my entirs corps 10 the front.
Attacked the eommissary camp. and took a
pint Of whisky psisoa-r. Fiae doctors; like
their way Of curing colds. A good way:
vas 1--WE days proving il 10 b . good way.
Hair pullrd 4 little, but it was an account Of
thu cold. They said I'd f.~l like new man.
and / believe them. When you have cold
try thu new style.