Brownlow's Knoxville Whig, and rebel ventilator. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1863-1866, 1864-04-02
Rebel dispatches from Hell!

=.
of news from the Internal regions, for there
is nor one word of truth in the dispatch OF
which we propose 70 complain. The NIch-'
mond Whfg, leading rebel organ, an
nounces the death of the Editor Of this pa
per, md gives the details Is It regards our
reception in hell and the treatment given
US by the Prince of Darkness. The Whfg
states that the excessive cold weather Of
January was caused by our arrival below.
oar presence creating demand for all the
heat, and withdrawing it from the EARTH
The Hmy must have received its details
from John B. Floyd and I'm. q. Yancey,
resident reporters for the Rebel associated
Press. who went below some time in advance
of the false rumor that we had gone down.
Both of these men, when on earth, knew us
personally, and therefore could not have
mistaken the rebel Congressman for us who
died about that time, although we resem-
bled others in several points, in our personal
appearance The truth is, that these men
had been SO long accustomed to dispatching
lies upon the rebel wires, while here on
earth, that they can't break off from their
old habits, even in sending back news from
the feaatain of falsehoods. We knew the
Richmond Whig was in direct and constant
communication with the Devil, and that it
had been ever since it received the bride
that induced it to go into this rebellion, but
we had not expected it to assert for a fact
what thousands of distinguished Southern
men, who have gone there since they seced-
ed from the Federal Government, would
know to be lie, as soon as this editorial
reached them, for thousands of them knew
us personally in this life.
But the dispatch we are reviewing sets
forth that the myriads of departed Yankees
put in Old Nick's furnaces during the last
three years, have becone fairly ignited-
hence the extraordinary heat this winter !
This tale about myriads of Yankees having
gone to hell in three years, may do to tell
the dcluded people of the South, who are
not allowed to read or see loyal papers, but
all we'll informed men, North and South,
know that there is no country of equal pop
ulation and extent, on the face of Gods
green earth that is as largely represented in
hell, as is the so-called Southern Confede-
racy They have gone from ther army,
from the ranks of the clergy, from the civil
list, and from among tkeir politicians, at a
fearful rate Our latest grape-riae from
that great Confederate Depot is, that upon
the recent arrival there of several distin-
guished leaders of the rebellion, the Devil
called hastily for more fuel, as the fire was
about to be extinguished Floyd and Yam
cey are said to have come forward and filled
the furnace" with Confederate money
whereupon the Devil threatened to kick
them out of hell He.said he favored re-
bellion, he favored lying and all sorts of
swindling, but that he would net degrade
himself and scandalize hell by recognizing
such a currency as that as fit for any pur-
pose!
But the Richmond Branch of Hell winds
up this article by assuring the people of the
South that his Satanic Majesty will not
harm SO able coadjutor as we are; and
that turning from us, Old Nick will order
rooms for Lincoln, Seward and Butler, with
fresh beds of live Goals This is the rub
We have kept the furnaces of Secesh rather
hot for comfort during the past three years.
We arc fully compensated to know that we
have made the rebels feel the effects of our
blows. Buffers mastery management Of
the she-deviIs in New Orleans has excited
their anger against him. Stewards superior
diplomatic abilities, and his successful man.
agement of England and France, the rebel
leaders can never forgive. But why the
editor of the Richmond organ should be
angry with Lincoln, we are at Ii loss to
know. Lincoln's Emancipation ProcIama-
ton liberates half dozen of that editors
children, whose several mothers are Ameri-
can ladies of African DESCENT Lincoln
should be looked upon by that editor, and
by thousands of other Southern parents, as
benefactorl He is setting their mixed
blooded offsprings at liberty, thing they
could not do, as they are sldUes, and many
of their fathers-this Richmond editor
their freed ON l. W. G. BRowNLow,
Editor of the Rebel VentHator.
--~~~-