The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1864-01-14
THE PACIFIC
Commercial Advertiser.
irteunas Ward OH Ghosts

the announcement gallery and seats placed upon
the platform, with an audience eager to hear
tine fanny things which they expected from the
lips Of ARENAS Ward" that Is Charles F.
Browne, Esq. Nor was the audience disappoint-
Ell. The lecturer held their attention for a full
hcIr and something more, while perpetually
provoking their mirth, passing rapidly from
topic TO topic, with the - ghosts perpetually in
view and never reaching them.
Mister Ward began by apOlOgizing for making
his appearance in the NeiOnaon instead Of the
fremont Temple, and also for the state of his
voice: lie was troubled with the bronchitis, and
had been reliably informed by a distinguished
surgeon that his complaint was the PdrGHeLO-
-gr1IaHldfic foreclosure of diGphT0gHdtic MOrdI,
very severe on the voice, and also on account of
Its being the sore throat he never had the
Bronchitis before, but this summer he has had
= dreadful mess of them he believed he had
about - Ief; If he had been in the army he
sxould have been~amputated before this time !;
ne had learned that they amputate on the slight
1t ErOvOcation there was Il young man IN the
Army on the Rappahannock, On this side of the
river, who had an attack OF the measles,-only a
few about fifteen he should think,-and the
surgeon amputated him. He said that he was ne
YER embarrassed only on one occasion, and that Was
4 secret, but he thought he might tell il there
lie was assured it would go no further. as there
were ladies present. There was n mitten con-
nected with it the young lady was now married,
he hoped che was happy,-he was. He differed
from the rolling stone, inasmuch as he gathered
not moss, but colds speaking of the rolling
stone, why should it gather moss? what is the
use Of gathering moss but we won't go into
this subject, said he. Nor did he believe with
those persons who taught us to : rise with the
lark" he should rise when he pleased, he bad
no objection to the lark, bat would prefer to rise
with gold, it would be much more profitable.
Some say 50 death is like Sleep" so stones are
like rocks, he would rather be rocked To sleep,
than stoned 10 death. He said he wanted 10
go to California by way of New Orleans. he
would like to sail down the Mississippi, as a
matter Of economy, because it was free but he
dearly loved the sea, and would call the attention
Of the audience TO those favorite lines of Byron
an which he speaks Of the sea,-only ne didn't
remember the lines. His lecture was merely to
amuse, not to INSTRUCTIVE couldn't instruct
and to explain the ghost. He was fond of chill
dren, he loved little boys and girls, but he loved
large girls Just as well. lie didn't like those
people who were against new things, why those
people even made fun OF Noah and his ark and
refused To join in his regatta even after he had
offered them dead head tickets they said there
would be no rain, but those who perused the
daily papers knew better, for they read that the
rain did come and gobbled them all up Noah
was right. Now he believed in everything that
was new new bonnets, new bases of operation,
new ships, new housekeeping neuralgia
Some old things were very good such as old
friends, old books, old Bourbon, In case of sick
ne=s, and above all the old flag. [Applause
But he was rambling from his subject, he had
resoIutely determined TO explain the ghosts. He
might have taken for his subject Brigham
Young, although ne didn't know anything about
him except he lived in Utah and was s~Omewhat
married. He might also speak of physical cul-
ture he liked TO see our young men developing
their muscles. He didn't want his poor old
aunt to go down to the grave, with the idea that
lie had never seen q fight, therefore he went to
see a couple of barn yard fowls fight, but he was
sorry To say that neither OF them were killed.
Professor Windship the great lecturer on physi-
cal culture Is said TO lift twelve men. At one of
his (Ward's) lectures in the West he announced
If twelve agreeable young ladies would step for
ward, provided their parents were willing, he
would lift them all, one 1T a time or perish in
the attempt he was sorry to say that none came
forward. lie did think of speaking on France;
lac thought it was a pity that there should be
any trouble between our country and France,
we should ememb that noble young French
man who came here many years ago, and drew
his sword against the foe OF American Liberty.
his name vas Lafayette. TApplause.l But if
Louis j. Napoleon should attempt to come here
with his army, we would advise him to bring a
good supply OF burial cases, for there would be
a much larger French funeral than after the
battle of Waterloo. (Applause.l He WAS afraid
TO lecture on England, on account of his bad
temper, although England deserved a lecture.
Some people treInDle at q war With England let
US not tremble, said he. The British Lion has
been over here twice, and each time has had his
tail considerably shortened, if he came here again
he would have 10 20 home without any his tail
was not like the tales in the New York Ledger,
could not be continued. He would have
spoken on music bur IL would be absurd TO speak
about anything he knew nothing of, but he
would give his head of hair to be q young trou-
badore singing love-songs TO his ~lady-lOye and
playing on his guitar, and it was a very good
head of hair indeed, but as the soldier said To his
sweetheart. il was hard to part. He Vas
acquainted with two lovely young sisters who
Gang and played u sCng-you can get it at the
music stores, lisa new thing.-entitled, - When
this cruel war Is over, T" and they could not sing
anything else, in fact they knew nothing but that
ere air row that song is very pretty but to
have it sung by every American citizen for six
months it becomes mOnotOnous. they might learn
something else for Il change. such as John
Browns ~knapsack is strapped upon his soul"
or anything that's new. He once knew Il young
and very much unmarried lady about 50 years
of age. who played on che accordion and used to
sing :. My heart throbs FOR thee, one day shud-
dering for fear she might wean, he sweetly said,
as let il throb.'' Africa is Il good subject to lee
ture on-very good he would lecture on Africa
for q few moments. Africa is pleasantly situated
on the map, hut people don't seem to see it in that
light, probably because it is so dark it has all
the modern improvements, the hotels are kept on
the Ethiopian plan. Africa has no Congress,
and other good habits: its literature was of the
first order, here be read u poem which he credited
to a young lady belonging in Africa, beginning
OF all the IaDi beneath ue SKY,
Give me the land called Afriki'
which he called quart measure. Africa had no
rioters, Its people were generally disposed to see
the draft enforced. Some of its inhabitants
search for fame, others for the pursuit of happi-
ness search Is life. 4 gentleman of Connecti-
cut started n GRAVEYARD in Africa lie did a fine