Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1864-06-11
A Happy Marriage.

In the semi-rural district OF WiOna, on the
Minnesota side of the Mississippi river, lives
olly fellow of Justice of the Peace, whose
IDEAS of matters arc much like the current of
the dcep river-once started in any direction
it is hard to turn. One day lately, after the
loxl2 law dispensary had been swept, the
chairs set in low against one side of the
Office, and several quids Of tobacco and mu-
tilatcd cigar stubs had been kicked under the
stove, there was wooden step on the stairs
and a strong knock at the door.
"Come in," said the Justice, as he settled
into the legal look befitting man of law duly
elected to dispense the favors of the blind
goddess.
A stout woman entered. She wore short
woolcn dress, wooden -solcd shoes, red checks,
black hair AID eyes that snapped like the
lock ola shot gun.
With the Portuguese accent, and in the worst
English, she said
"You law man =
"Yes, madam; be seated
"Mc want per. Nc want paper to take
man.
Just then stout French half-breed entered
the room He was unable to speak half
dozen words in English, and looked either
scared ur bashlul.
The Justice at once imagined that there
was marriag, To- come of. and said to the
woman. who stood with compressed lips,
watching both the Justice and the door
want paper to take this man 2
"Yes, want paper Me teach him! He
no good man. Me want paper-takc him
quick as can"
All right my covies-fx you in the jerk
of lambs tail" he mu,tcrcl, as he turned to
tho man and said-
"Do you know this woman, and will you
take her q
The man shook his head and muttered
some unintelligible words.
"Ah, see. Can't talk English. Well,
never mind"
He ran into the street and invited few
friends up stairs, and on returning said to the
woman
"You take this man for better or for
worsel'
"Yes, me want to take him. Me pay"
"All right" Then turning to the man
who was trembling
"You take this woman for better or worse,
and promise to keep her." etc.
"Ugh," and nod of the head.
"Then in the name of the law, and by vir-
tue of the authority in me vested, pronounce
you man and wife;" and he stepped forward
before the woman could say word and
kissed her red lips.
Slap came her hands in his face, and she
cutched his hair. The new husband jumped
in to take the woman away, to protect as the
Justice supposed, when in sclf-preservatiou
he hit him u rap upon the nose. The woman
pitched into her new husband. who in turn
pitched into her, and for about five minutes
there was general hustling.
At last the parties were separated, when
tho man and woman took another turn at each
other, aud the blood and hair flow in all direc.
tions. Down went the stove, over went the
table, clatter went the chairs, and into the
street like madman went the Justice, with a
black eve, aud the bosom of his shirt looking
like warranty deed covered with red seals.
A crowd rushed up stairs and found the
man and woman lying on the floor hugging
each other like young bruins, and their arms
and legs mixed up worse chan tomato vines.
The newly married couple were separated,
when, through the aid of two interpreters it
was discovered that the night before, the par
ties occupying adjoining shantics in the lower
part of town, had got into quarrel over a
stove-pipe, which was claimed by both. and
from words they came to blows. Each party
hurried to the Justices Office in the morning
for warrant for the other, and the result had
been that our Justice had pickeled them to-
gether as man and wife. Perhaps the pun
ishmcnt was merited, but the beligerents
couldn't see it, aud went in search of another
Justice to unmarry them, while tho general
cause of their terrible squabble was bathing
his bunged eyes in camphor and whiskey.