American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-11-16

So .se.--<%-
How TO MAKE FRIENDS UNCoMFoRT-
ABLE.-The same utterance may be an
impertinence, an unpalatable truth, or u
disagreeable thing, according to time and
circumstances, For example, in fit of
absence, we perpetrate some solecism in
dress or behavior. 1t is an unwelcome
truth to be told it, while there is yet op-
portunity for remedy, or partial remedy;
it is an impertinence to be informed of it
by stranger who has no right to concern
himself with our affairs; tits disagree
able thing when-the occasion past-our
friend enlightens us about it simply as q
piece of information We all of us, no
doubt, have friends, relations and acquaint-
ances who think it quite a sufficient rea-
son for saying thing, that is true Prob
ably we have ourselves known the state
of mind in which we find a certain fact
or opinion burden, load to be got rid
of; and under the gross mistake that all
truth must be spoken, that it is uncandid
and dangerous not to deliver testimony
convinced that the truth like murder,
will out, and that our friends, sooner or
later must learn the unacceptable fact
we come to the conclusion that it is best
for all parties to get the thing over by be-
ing ourselves the executioner We have
most of us acted the enfant terrible at
some time Or other. But this crudo sim
plicity of candor, where it is the result
of the mere blind intrusive assertion of
truth, is real weight and the primary
law of politeness, never to give unnecessa-
ry pain, as soon as it isapprehended is well
coined as a deliverer. Children and the
very young have not experienced enough
forany but the most limited sympathy, and
can only partially compare the feelingsof
others with their own. Indeed. the idea
Of the comparison does not occur to them.
But there are people who, in this respect,
remain children all their days, and very
awkward children, too, who burst with II
fact as the fool with his secret, and, like
the hair-dresser in Leech's careature, are
impelled to tell US that our hair is thin
at the top, though nothing is to come Of
the communication. These, as Sidney
Smith says, turn friendship into system
of lawful and unpunishable Importance,
from, so far as we can sec, no worse cause
than incontinence of fact and opinion
feeling it to be a sufficient and triumph
ant defense of every perpetration of the
sort, that it is true "Why did you tell
Mr.. So-and so that his sermon was ffty
minutes long?" Because had looked
at my watch" Why did you remind
such one that he is growing fat aud old!"
Because he is" "Why repeat that un-
faYorable criticism p 81 had just read
it." "Why disparage this mans partic-
ular friends?" 81 don't like them"
Why say to that young lady that her
dress is unbecoming?" 2" g really thought
So" 1t is, however, noticeable in per-
sons of this obtrusive candor, that they
have eyes for blemishes only. They are
never impelled to tell pleasant truths, from
which, no doubt, we may infer certain
acerbity Of temper, though these stric-
lures may be spoken in seeming blunt,
honest good humor. Still they talk in
this way from natural obtuseness and in
herent defect of sympathy.-Essoys on