The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1864-03-26
HOW jerks JOINED THE ODD
FELLOWS.

thrusting his hands into his pockets with all
the energy he could sustain.
''And you viii join 90
"Don't you think it best 90
"No, sir, once for all, do not''
"Consider, if you should be left widow
with nothing to support
''Now what ridiculous argument. Do
you suppose, Mr.. jerks
"My dear 20
''Mr. jerks 90
''Will you listen for moment?''
"Well, then, I respect your wishes, and
you know love you dearly. It will be i'm
possible for me to oblige you in this in
stance. l have sent in my document and
tonight am to be initiated
Mrs. jerks opened her handsome eyes in
amazemeut, and was for moment lost in
wonder.
"And SO you are actually going to be mi
tiated."
eyes, my DEAR
"Well, will you tell me all about it when
you come home 90
perhaps 500
Comforted with this assurance, the lady
offered no further opposition. and then our
hero took his departure. About the hour
of eleven he returned, wiser, if not bet
| er man.
.Well, my DEAR" exclaimed Mrs. jerks,
"what did they do to you-what is it like
were you much frightened ?-come tell
us all about it."
Don't ask me-" gravely returned our
friend "I beg you won't ask me''
'Why not I'm your wife, you know
and wife and husband are one. Why
not 90
"Hark !" said jerks; ''did you hear any
thing 90
"No, nothing
"Silence, my dear. Remember what
Shakespeare says about sermons in stones
and running brooks. If l should divulge
he might hear it 90
"Who, my dear. ?"
''Patriarch of the lost tribes. Even now
he might be at the window"
"Mercy on u.s. she exclaimed. "How
you terrify body. III shi-Yer all
over
eff you don't want to be killed outright,
ask 10 more questions"
"Surely, you can tell me something about
tan idea or two-that won't be divulging,
you know"
"What, if in an unguarded moment you
should let the secret out %
"Oh trust met shall be safe in my
keeping"
"You will never tell %
Never
Not even to your mother 2"
81 will never open my lips to her on the
subject
''Hark % exclaimed jerks, with a'theat-
rical start; "hear ye nothing 2"
Nothing" repeated his wife, with I'M
feigned surprise.
"'Tis only the wind, unused our friend,
81 thought it might be the patrician or his
grand bashaw, armed with his grand cir
cumventer, covered with curious devices of
the order. Now listen if you love me
for the sacrifice am about to make is great
and you must seal your lips forever on
the subject"
"Weil, my DEAR" said the lady, with a
long drawn sigh.
'You have long heard of the cat being
let out of the bag ?"
eyes"
"Well, I saw that cat tonight"
ga real live cat? -
eyes an immense cat at that-monstrous
cat. But you shall know all. Let me be-
gin.''
"That's right" exclaimed Mrs. jerks,
breathless with interest.
"On my arrival at the Hall, 1 was imme-
diately seized by dozen smart fellows and
taken upon the roof of the building Here
1 was tongue tied and compelled to answer
about hundred questions, all having a d.
rect bearing upon the science of Astrono-
my"
"What queer proceeding !" exclaimed
Mrs. jerks.
"How I answered..th questions must ev-
er remain, l suppose, mystery TO myself;
certain it is, however, did answer every
one; although l did not know it until to-
night, there is great dipper, and four
horse team, and I don't know what else in
the sky. Is it not a pity that this beauti-
full science is SO sadly connected?"
"Well, What then?"
'Well, the next question was too absurd
to be repeated
"What was it?"
"They wanted TO know whether I took
newspaper, ana if so, how much l owed the
printer. Fortunately had just then paid
my subscription, otherwise [ must have
been rejected, as no man can become an Odd
Fellow who owes q cent to the printer
"Well, I never /" exclaimed Mrs. jerks,
"what an influence these newspapers do
exert, to be sure"
Exactly. But scarcely had answered
satisfactorily, when an immense flame shot
up and we as quickly shot down.
'sWhat through the roof?
ooh no, l suppose We took the Stairs;
hardly know how l got down."
The apartment into which vas ushered
was pitch dark, and strong odor of brim-
stone pervaded the rooms
birthstone, my love %
"It must have been birthstone, for moth.