, 1864-02-07
THE WANT COLUMN.
Different CInsses OF Advertisers-
0Wnnted.s,

somewhcreaboutt the beginning Of the eighteenth
s'Man wants bnt little here below,
Nor wants that little long,"
II the learned divine were now inhabltlng the
tetreetrial sphere. aud patronized the morning
paper it is altogether probable that he would ucy-
er have written those lines, after having read tho
"want" column. It is here one can sec tho de-
siEes and requirements Of the age. One advertises
that by sending him dfty cents, he will sead you
In return how to make $4,000 per annum, on
capital Of two dolars and a hall. Send him the
ff1y cents, By III means, and In return you will
celve written instruction to the following effect:
81 Get d half peck OF potatoes. take them home,
wash and bake them provide yourself with tin
box with heater attached put the poatoes into the
btLand about 10 o'clock on cold night 60 aud hang
roul the theatre, when you c1n easily dispose OF
your nice baked potatoes piping hot at half dime
piece" Another under the nom DE- plume OF
ProE Humboldt in consideration Of the patty Sum
Of twenty-five cente. promises 10 send the portrait
Of the future husblud to the dispairlng old maids.
who long ago gave up ali thoughts Of ever enter
frtssconnub at hlles. None OF these wants, how
ever, create as much excitement and humor, as
those In which smart Joung men, who on . salary
oftwclve dollars week, dress in fault1ess blacls
and patent feathers, and sport aickly looking
ing moustache, gently beeeeeh the faIr sex to
take pity on and correspond with view to I" fun,
love or rnatrimony." The coolnsas Of the prop
oeition fun, love OF matlimony' ls striking, and
cannot fail to impress tho fair of creation, with
lofty idca Of mans generosity aad dsinterested-
nees. The dag on which the frst attempt to mat.
rimouy is launched forth upon sen Of female
hearts, these nice young gentlemen make frequent
visits to the post Office. Every young lady is
closely scrutiniEed in order to sec II her counten-
ance tells that ale has been weak enough to waste
paper and ink On the silly advertiser. BE goes to
the delivery, and with bow and emirk, super
cl1iously nsks tor the lette1a placed in his boz,
which he has reserved for the occasion, by de-
posit Of afty cents with the Postmaster. He
eagerly clutches the delicate misaives. His eyes
sparkle with delight as he peruses a eickly
sentimental note, written on gilt edged
paper, bearing the euphonlous slgnature
Of Ellie or Fannie. He hastens back
to bis Office, where seated on high stool. he
cndeayors TO write On rose scented note paper the
Ras CAUSED 10 Eura forth ffom lis vest pocket. In
the attempt he spoiis dozen sheets Of paper be-
fore he feels eatised with his hnacEeontlc laboEe.
for some stanzas which the sentimental young
man thinks will describe his feelinks. After add.
ing postscript to the incompatible billet douI,
the hope That his cnamorata viii presently tip
a31ng agss showing pretty gaitet and aak f9F TIE
. down town store come. along
sea as si5 rsh Ra to I The q g. 1v.9s q e.
beauty should handle his billet The letter is ta-
ana resds smst
~, . matIimoniaP' Is rnswtfed By a soung la-
10th parties be pleased with tie correspondence,
II is frequently carried on for length Of time md
finally, qnitc unexpectedly to both parties, winds
Ing naed 10 10 ante as aess thas bea
one" These occn7enccs are: however. very rnrc,
dies who ars not strictly modest. advertise for
husband, but only in leap yeas, when it is their
special privilege to propoee. They franttcally ap-
Iescnc them from becoming old maids. giving
glowing descriptions Of their per4onal attractions,
and winding aH With he iaaniF WHO wsnta
land 60 IN heavy on the matrimonial advertising,
no doubt as means Of driving awsy the ennui 81
mr. then dhe s5 9
carries de vfsstcaaid cartes dc visite being reject
ed ones, pgrchssab for i've cents apiece. An.
headed pe,gona These sgg pessopss aso Is tlas ~
efforts Of aweak-miuded class Of men, who, hav-
ing nothing 10 do. spest their tautless proportions
their own estimation. they are experts In beauty
although not knowing the different characte1is.
Every face Is eloeeis scfntinxed by these u; isay
Killers and should they be 10 Fortunate as TO re-.
eeiEe q s1nie from one Of tho countless beauties,
advertisement appears, requesting a'{he yoane
lady dressed IN nsoi,s antigsx, who recognized 4
gentleman on the corner Of C1Afk and Lake street,
whensh will hear Of friend. In some instances
half q dozen 1etters are sent. none Of them, how
sysr nom The lady Il ,aoiys Gnteue while d addi
aligned Kate OF Anne, requesting him to call at 4
hSaee, who.e reputation is. IN Tie estimation Of
q hese spsses Breathing az sfep .
come hattery, moonsh1ne and nonsense, wlllc
u msny q them were enclosed photographs, IN
pu,portiug to represent the human face divine OF
the fair Unknown correspondents. This kind Of
r. no dont mt sS9ya 1sha to hs
what ID doe to ma!den1y modesty, a. to suppose
lha1 any .ir.rous young LADY viii take any noslee
characters. engased IN tbs cnterprise aie rous,.
who are constantly On The watch ior unsophIsttca-
ted maidcns, who By the seductive influences ex-
cfstEed over them. soon become Irving moau-
eaion. ''.-+' = S-@''~'e' '''4 '4''A o"D o's'a-
TIE dealer in prize packages, containing letter
adTeliieed iaT and near, are aiwa.s il want Il
agents, who are assured that tEey c4n easily
map puSshei wants from ten to ten ~ tIousanS
endorsed b 1he leading 1aTsy m manase5s
men ard single men. Young jsdies and widows,
constantly advertising for situations, IN which
their valuable services will be fully rewarded and
wants the people at largo to become acquainted
Sa,a ,a Inc f&e thas big paten. four;
motion, eugarSoatcd pills win prove s1re rsme-
dy Tor ~ The ailments TO which llesh - heir: His
assertions are eor!nboEated BY long list OF bogus
.estImonials, setting forth the miraculous cures
which ahcY tave performed On persons who never
hEd IN exlstrnee. :.
TIE ne1t on the list Of wants arc those who nd
ve1ti.r for board IN ptivafo family whare there
are no equalliog babies, apd where they don't
Change the cock oftener than once week, ~ Is
found in The hIacu1.. Boarding houses where hash
Is not served more than once month, are In pay-
ttcular request and command full prices. Those
who own boarding houses publlsh the faet that
rooms IN the fourth story, at moderate rates. refer
cnces exchzrged.
Thus. and III more varied. is the swami col
umn T. one of those institutions which nre Of In
eacola5e salne. ye. cspablo Of being prostltuted,
1i1est mischief Il Ia kaIeiaoscopic in it, cha:a:-
ter, presenting xl the varied requirements OF ia-
that while 10 the unsophistlcated It Is something
like dictlonaEy-"c changes the subject too oftcn
TO be Interesting" yet 10 the obaeryant one 1t
spreads opt an alznoet perfect psnosam4 OF human
who able to study out these In the dItttns sha-
dows Of the want column, will not be reduced TO
the Necessity q paetfng on his knowlodgo-box
the adrertieemeut."Han -unsuIn!shed room
to rent; apply with1n."~
PnoF. McCoY, TIE ELocu71os1sT.-Prof
Anata Mccoy, Of Washington City, late Professor
OF Rhetoric and OEatory In the Dallstou and Al
bany Law Schools, il in the city; en- soats to NIL
On tho subject OF the PrcsIdent's Proclamation OF
EnnNrfin&t1rY "a 1DHn AuNf a.