American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-08-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

| lHEhE Is great zeal OF laWnlnS IN So
ciety, in order to be fawned on again just
as among sucking puppies half awake.
THE great gulf, in which so many gov
ernments have perished, casts up the frag-
ment, and indefatigable man refts them
A MAN at Rochester, n Y, last week
sold 5000 pounds of wool at one dollar
a pound.
AN old Indian, who had witnessed the
effect of whisky for many years past, said
barrel labelled whisky contained a thou
sand songs and fifty fights.
81 THINK, wife, that you have great
many ways of calling me fool"
" think, husband, you have a great
many ways Of being one"
"WHY does father call mother honey"
asked boy of his older brother.
" Can't tell, 'cept its because she has a
large comb in her head
GEORGE, doyou know that Mr. Jones
has found a beautiful baby on his door
step, and is going to adopt him."
Yes, papa; he will be Mr.. Jones step
son, won't hep
JOSH BILLINGS deposes, among other
good things, " that yer kant judge a man
bi hiz religun. eny more than yer kan
judge hiz shurt bi the size ov the kollar
and ristbands."
A vERDANT Yankee, seeing the an
nouncemcnt in large letters, in front of a
bookstore, Nothing to Wear sold here"
exclaimed: Wal, now, l wonder who
said there was"
A FoPPIsH fellow advised friend not
to marry poor girl, as he would find
matrimony with poverty cup hill work"
" Good, " said his friend, g would rath-
cr go up hill than down hill, any time"
\ MALTESE offered his services to a
dragoman at Alexandria. Know Eng
lish well, sir" said he; have served
many English gentlemen. I'm English
subject, sir; | get drunk, sir-get drunk. ("
OLD Farmer Cloyerseed is very DO
lite man, so much so that he is even cour
teous to his cattle. He is frequently
heard to say, as he drives his yoke of
steers, "Please haw Buck; also Bright.
Thank you.
A MISSIONARY in London was recent
ly riding on the outside of cab, and
told the driver that he had been in Chi
ma Cabby was much interested and
promptly asked
" Ale they civilized like people about
there, sir; do they take their gin of
moring?
VOC are great bore" said an enraged
gentleman, from a chamber window, to a
youth who'had been serenading his daugh-
ter for half an hour-''you are a great
bore, and l think you mean to keep on
boring until you get water, and there it
is" emptying pitcherful of water upon
his head
Ssiy~ An Irishman catching thiefs
hand in his pocket at the post office the
other day, knocked the rascal down,
and began to trample on his carcass as if
he was dancing landowners jig.
"What's that for 2" said by stander.
ooh - said Pat, ''it's small change he
wanted, and faith Tn after giving him
few post Office stamps"
SWITCHED OFF," Boys" said viii
lage pedagogue, the other day, "what is
the meaning of all thatsaoise in the
sehool?"
Its Anthony Sykes, sir, who is all
the time initiating locomotive"
Come up here, Tony, if you are turn
ed into locomotive, it is high time you
were switched off"
THE way the little 2-40 tow-head got
the g dominic" was after this fashion:
james, what person is man, in. the
sentence, the man is drunk 2"
8 Don't know, sir"
"Decline it and see"
First person I am drunk, second per-
son you are drunk, third person he, or the.
man is drunk"
"Thatll do, but in future 1 would ad-
wise you not to emphasize strongly on the
second person singular, or might play
fves against the side of your head with
my ferrule!"