, 1864-02-13

The palm, the lily, and the spear,
The symbols that Of yOre
Saint FilOmela bore.
In New York man was carrying live
turtle along the street, when by came an
Irishman, followed by large dog. The
countryman tried by gentle words to get
the son Emerald to put his finger into the
turtles mouth, but he was too smart for
that.
But" said he, "I'll put my dogs tail
in, and see what the haste will do"
lie Immediately called up his dog, took
its tail in his hand, and stuck it into the
turtles mouth. He had scarcely got il in
when Mr.. Turtle shut down on the poor
dogs tail, and off the latter run at railroad
speed, pulling the turtle after him at more
rapid rate than ever it travelled before.
The cOuntryman thinking that his days
work would be thrown away if the animal
should run at that rate, turned with saw
age look upon the Irishman, and exclaimed |:
"Call back your dog ~
Paddy put his hands into his pockets,
threw his head to one side, winked, and
then answered, with provoking sang froid :
"Call back your fish,"
A minister found, ono Sabbath, a notice
Of public meeting which had been cut
from the Saturdays newspaper, and placed
in his desk for him to read to his cOngrega-
ton. But by strange coincidence there
happened to be printed on the other side Of
the same slip the advertisement Of GER
tain shoe-dealer, a prominent member Of
his church, and without turning the paper
TO read the other side, as the advertisement
met his eye the good man concluded il was
expected he would read it, aud accordingly,
to the surprise Of all, he announced, at the
usual point for reading notices, that Geo.
s. B-keeps constantly on hand, and for
sale, large and wcll-sclectcd assortment of
boots and shoes, which he will sell low for
cash, at No -- street," and added I;
=" Brother B-is is worthy member Of
this church and deserving the patronage of
the congregation" The grateful astonish-
ment Of Brother B may better be I'M
agincd than described.
During the session Of the Democratic
National Convention in Cincinnati, dele
gate, having taken breakfast ut the St.
Charles, walked up to the counter and de-
manded his bill. He was asked what he
had had, and the reply was, six brandy
cocktails, taa and toast |" This, so far as
breakfast Is concerned, is without parallel.
But late incident is worthy to go down to
immortality with it. A gentleman from
Missouri was in attendance at Lexington ut
the laying Of the cornerstone Of the Clay
monument, and his baggage, undergoing
investigation, was found TO consist of car
pet sack, containing four bottles Of whisky,
two revolvers, one shirt, and two collars.
One Of his travelling companions said that
the shirt had been put in simply to keep
the bottles from breaking.
"Now, my dear husband, why don't you
call mo by such names as other men call
their wives ?"
"Why, what do other men call their
wives, you fool~
"They call them my duck, }" and my
DEAR" and oil such kind Of words.
"Well, what isa duck--say 2"
"Why, it's foul, to be sure"
Right; now, what's a deer-you
goose 7"
" It's beast, certainly"
"Well, I'll call you "my foul beast
now go about your business"
A French gentleman some days since ap-
piled TO the secretary Of one of our London
charities to know the nature Of its founda.
ton. The clerk was proceeding regularly
to inform him that they had one good presi-
dent and twelve vice-presidents, when he
was interrupted by "Ah, ha Won gud
president; vice dat is vicked-and you
have twelve wicked ones-they will be all
too strong for dat gentleman shall carry
my money to another house."
A few days ago, NJ. B. was walking down
State State, and on meeting the witty H.,
expressed regret at the severity Of the
weather, complaining that it crippled him.
40" says Mr.. H., if il continues little
longer it will be TO your advantage, for you
will jump from winter to summer without
a spring"
when Alderman Gill died, his wife Or
dered the undertaken to inform the Court
Of Aldermen Of the event; when he wrote
10 this effect; ~ am desired to inform the
Court Of AldermeR Mr.. Alderman GilIdied
last night by order Of Mrs Gill;"
"How do you do this morning, James psi
Every much better, l thank you. Idid
think while ago ! was not as well but l
know amPbetter now, forI just met old
Mr.. Stubs, the undertaken and he looked
cross al me-"