The Union. [volume] (Georgetown, Del.) 1863-1866, 1864-02-26

1
guey stuff if it freezes my inards. 1 tel
yer what, I'd rather skinn'da bear or whip
ped wild cat, but went it; eat th'
whole in about mint. .ea
"Wall, III about quarter of an hour,
began to feel kinder gripy about here,
continued Ethen, pointing to the lowe
parts of his stomach, an kept on feelin' n
better very fast, till at last it seemed a
though I'd got steam ingen sawin' shin
giles in me. sot down on "a cheer, AMI
bent myself up like nut-cracker, thinkin
I'd grin an bear it; but / couldn't set still
Il twisted and squirmed about like al
angle-worm on'a hook, till at last the chal
as gin me the cream, who had been look
in on snickerin', says to me-
| :"Mister," says he, "what aiIs yer p
calls meW says I, 'that ere stuff o
your'n is freezen' up my daylights, says l
"You eat too fn1ch," says he.f
II tell yer didn't" screamedNf; 81
know what's anuff an what's too much
without askin' you, an if you don't leave
off snickerin' I'll spile your face"
He cottoned right down, an said he
didn't mean any hurt, an asked me if
hadn't better take some gin. l told him
| would. So 1 took apurty good horn an
left the shop.
"Arter 1 got eut," continued Ethan, "I
felt better for mint or so, but l hadn't
gone fur afore the gripes took me again
so | went into another shop, an took some
more gin; then sot down on the State
House Steps, an there l sot and sot, but
didn't feel mite better. | begun tc
think was goin' to kick the bucket, and
then thought Of father and mother and
of old Spanker-that's fathers hoss-and
when l thought that l should never see
'em again. l fairly .blubbered. But then
| happened to look up, an see dozen
boys GRIMM and larfin' at me- | tell
yer what, it riz my dander-that had got
down below ne,O-rite up again. Isprung
at 'em like wild cat, hollerin' out I'd
shake their tarnel gizzards out, an the
way the little devils scampered was eau
tion to nobody. But after the 'citement
of the race was over, felt wus again, an
l couldn't help groanin' and screechin' as
l went along.
At last | thought I'd go to the theatre,
but afore 1 got there, the gripes got so
strong that l had to go behind meetin'
house and lay down and holler. Arter a
while / got up an went into shop an
eat half dollars wuth of billed listers,
with four picked cowcumbcrs, and wound
up with glass of brandy. Then l went
into the theatre an seed the plays, but |
feltso that 7 couldn't see any fun in 'em,
for / don't think the listers and the cow
cumbers done me any good. sot down,
laid down, and stood up, but still it went
on, grippe, grippe, l groan'G all the time,
an once in while l was obliged to screech
kinder easy Everybody stared at me,
and somebody called out, turn him out ?
once or twice. But, at last, Just as the
niger Orthello was going to put the pill
lar on his wifes face to smother her, there
came such twinge through me, that
really thought I was Dustin up. an yelled
out, ooh, dear Oh, scissors" so loud that
the old theatre rung again. Such a row
you never seed; the niger dropped the
pillar, and Deuteronomy-or what you call
her there-his wife, jumped off the bed
and run, while everybody in the theatre
was all up in muss, some larfn', some
swearin. The upshot of it was, the per-
lice carried me out of the theatre, and
told me to make myself scarce.
Wall, as I didn't feel any better, I went
into shop close by, an called for two
glasses of brandy; arter swallowing it, I
went hum to the tavern. / sot down by
the winder and tried to think L felt bet
ter, but twas no go; that blessed old in
gine was still wallerin' away inside; so l
went out and eat quarters worth Of listers
an a piece of mince pie. Then went
back an told the tavern-keeper I felt
kinder sick, and thought I'd take some
castor lie, a mouthful cold meat. and a
strong glass of whiskey-punch, and then
go to bed. He got the ixins', which 1
took an went to bed.
But, tell yer what, l had rather poor
night, Sometimes l was awake groanin.'
an when | was asleep, I'd better bin
awake, ford had such powerful Dreams
Sometimes / thought 1 was skinnin' a
bear, and then, by some hocuspocus,
S"NNtN "iA SAA"hEO OollCI sue 10, ana the
tarnal critter would be skinnin me.
Then, again, I'd dream that was roll
in logs with the boys, an jest as I'd be a
shoutin' out-"now then!-here she goesl'
everything would get reversed again-I
was log, an the boys were pryin' me up
with their handspikes. Then I'd wake
up AN screech and roar--then off to sleep
again-to dream that Spanker had run
away with me, or that father was whop-
ping me, or some other plaguey thing, till
mornin'."
When l got up, hadn't any appetite
for breakfast, and the avern-keeper told
me that if I-was goin' to carry on, scream
in and groanina, as had the night afoe.
my room was better than my company.
~ hain't," says Mr.. Spike, in conclu-
sion, ~ hain't bin to Portland since, but
if / live to be as old as Methusalem, |
shall never forget that ALFRED ice-eream,"
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