Prescott journal. [volume] (Prescott, Wis.) 1861-1871, 1864-03-19
Waits.

who sinks beneath his armor's weight,
Aud has no answer but God speed
Waits.
Sin has great many tools, but lie is
the handle that fits them all
The first and greatest thing in rhetoric
: TO have something to say.
That was an inquiring young mind that
,sked the schoOlmaster where ali the figures
vent 10 when they were rubbed out.
Ought a pair of trOwsers which have
been obtained on credit TO be legally regard
ed as brooches of trust ?
DO you see anything ridiculous in this
vi. said brother judge to Curran. ''Noth-
M but the head, )" he replied.
There is many a slip between the cup
and the lip, but there are many more slips
after the cup has been drained by the lips.
-" Nv lord" said the foreman of Welsh
Jury. when giving in their verdict, "we find
that man that stole the mare not guilty"
The true theory of woman's right is to
educate the girls thoroughly, and then let the
women DO as they have a mind to.
= Be careful of your table-talk. Do all
your biting at table in biting your food
Don't be biting in your remarks.
- 1t is fact creditable to barn yard ma
ture, that, while curses come home TO roOst,
ROSTERS never come home to curse.
- The marriage of a haxen-haired young
,irI to a silver-haired old man only illustrates
tie truth that silver can buy flax.
- The paper so extensively made of forest
trees is said to be particularly adapted to log
books.
- They are fools who insist on being per-
iectly miserable because they cannot be per-
fectly happy.
THE NANE.-The name by which the Prince
of Wales will ascend the throne will be King
Edward the Seventh.
A soldier in one of the Kentucky camps
saws the motto with them is-"United, we
sleep; divided, we freeze"
a man came into printing office to beg
paper Because said he, "we like to
read newspapers very much, but our neigh
bors are all too stingy to take one"
ct is remarkable that you are always
forgetting nv name," said a quasi-acquaint-
ance named Flint Why" said Quilp, it
Is a deuced hard name to remember!"
- Isn't it strange" remarked a lady,
shat the Miss Smiths are so gross ?" I" Not
ii all, was the reply, 'their father was a
grocer"
Can YOU write 'the season is backward"
with four letters. Here they are:
&C
81
Never put off till tomorrow what you
can DO to-day, my child" 'Well, then, ma,
let me eat the big mince pie that is in the
safe"
He who is satisfied to travel upon his
feet nav be able to keep his carriage, but he
who is content with only riding may not be
able long to keep his feet.
A Dutchman's heart-rending soliloquy is
described thus "She loves ShOn Mickle so
peter as /, because he has got cOOple tollers
more rs | has"
How TO GIT RID or Your CoRNs.-Rub
them over with toasted cheese, and let your
feet hang out of bed for a night or two, that
the mice NAV nibble at them. If the mice
do their duty the cure will be sufficient.
4 MARRIAGE.-A dwarf named Lipke, aged
thirty-fOur, and only two feet high, has just
been married at Tilsit, Prussia, to a young
woman aged eighteen. The biide was of or
binary stature.
DEPARTMENT or THE SOUTH.-The Depart
ment of the South has been divided into two
districts-Gen. Terry to command in the
Charleston district, and Gen. Seymour in
Florida.
ARE YOU in fun or in earnest?" asked
fellow to one who was giving him sound
horsewhipping. "Pm in earnest" replied the
other, LAYING it on somewhat harder. "Fm
glad of it," said the first one, g for don't like
such fun"
A gentleman, whose wife is away on
visit prOtracted long beyond the promised re-
turn, writes as follows: "'Tis said that alb
senee cOnquers love, but the longer you stay
away the better like YOU" He expects her
on the next train.
-"Bob, did you ever see Miss Simpkins?"
"NO,D replied Bob. Chow do you know she
Is handsome, them" Because the women
are always running her down." replied the
graceless scamp.
When a beau was asked why he wore
his resplendent Hessian boots in the finest
weather, and appeared in shoes and silk stock
ings only when it was wet and muddy, he an
swered, "My wife washes nly stockings, but
have to clean my boots myself"
A Young lad ran away from home, and
went TO a tavern, where he was found by
friend. with cigar in his mouth. "What
made YOU leave home ?" inquired his friend.
ssOhn said he, " father and mother were so
saucy that 1 couldn't stand it; so 1 quit
them"
A little Hoosier boy of five years asked
his mother if God really heard his prayer
"Yes, my son." she replied, GOD always
hears our PRAYERS" "We1," said the mis-
chievous urchin, SO think He must be disgust
ed with mine, for he has heard the same old
PRAYER ever since could talk"
Mr.. Wesley was once annoyed with the
discordant noise of warm-hearted rustic in
singing. "Friend, you spoil the singing, you
had better STOP" said Wesley. He did stop
for a verse or two, and then exclaimed, Sir,
nv heart sings, and / must sing too" Sing
on, friend" was Wesley's reply.
A lady who boosted highly, at dinner
party of the good manners OF her little dar-
linz addressed him thus "Charley, my
dear, won't you have beans?" No !" was
the i'll hammered reply of the petulapt cherub.
"NO y exclaimed the astOnished mother;
"no what?" "NO BEANS" said the child.
A lady was once declaring that she
could not understand how gentlemen could
smoke. cit certainly shortens their lives"
said she. 81 don't know that" exclaimed
gentleman; ''there's my father who smokes
every blessed day, and he is now seventy
years old" "Vell," was the reply, IF he
had never smoked, he might have been eighty
by this time"
=" Annette, my dear, what country Is OPP
pOsite to US on the glObes"
=. -