The southern aegis, and Harford County intelligencer., 1864-02-12
Divorced bY Mistake.

One winter there came to Trenton, New
Jersey, two men, named Smith and Jones,
who had both of them designs on the
Legislature, Jones had bad wife and
was in dove with pretty woman he
wished To be' divorced from his bad wife,
SO that be might marry the pretty woman,
who, by the way, was widow, with black
eyes, and such form! Therefore Jones
came to Trenton for divorce. ,'- % ''ss ~
Smith had a good wife, good as an an
gel, and mother of ten children, and Smith
did not want to be divorced, but did want
to, get q charter for turnpike or plank
road, to. extend from Pigs Run to Terrss
pin HollowaHs,.F .t-t794 q ts9f 99o.
Well, they, with these different errands,;
came to Trenton, and addressed the assem-
bled wisdom with the usual arguments. .---+t
First, suppers mainly composed Of oysters
with rich background of venison; second,
liquors in great plenty, from q Jersey
lightning which is q kind Of locomotive
at fun speed, reduced to liquor shape-tc
Newark champagne. : ,;'s' ". ~ ''1'
To speak in plain prose, the divorced
man gave a champagne supper, and Smith,
the turnpike man, followed with, a cham-
pagne breakfast, under tho modifying, in
fuence of which the assembled wisdom
passed both the divorce and turnpike bills;
and jones and Smith--a copy, Of each
bill in their pockcts--went rejoicing home,
over miles Of sand, and through tribula-
tioh Of many stage coaches. 4 ,,-e1s,o,.a :, 4,
Smith arrived home in the evening and
as he sat down in his parlor, his pretty
wife beside him-how pretty she did look /
and FIVE of her children oyerhearing
the other. five studying their lessons in
the corner Of the room. Smith was in
duced TO expatiate upon the good results
Of his mission to Trenton. = FN4 ~
GA! turnpike, my dear; I am one Of the
directorsand will be President: II will
set mepp, glore;we can send our children
to the boarding school, and live. in style
out Sofs the toll. Here is the chartsr,
honey" W
AnLet me see it, said the pretty little
wife, who was one of the incest of wives,
with, plumpness aud gooan ess sdimpling,
al over het face, "let me see it, as she,
leaned over Smiths shoulder. es IA HFa
But all at once Smiths visage grew
long; Smiths wife's visage grew black,
Smith was not profane, but now he ripped
out an awful oath, a.a $ i 5I;a', ~.
~"Blast us, wife, those internal scoun-,
drels ct Trenton have gone and, divorced
us ~ '''.'" ''. - - MI =
1t was too true the parchment which
he held was bill of divorce 10 which the
names Of Smith and Smiths wife appeared
infrighfally legible letters.
Mrs. Smith wiped her eyes With the
corner Of her apron. ilf fs'1M 1is 10
HHere's a turnpike, y she said sadly
fsand with the whole Of our ten children
staring me In the face, Ilai'nt your wife /!
Here's a turnpike.'' 4id9s
aBlast the Pike and the Legislature
Wal, tie fact u that smith, reduced III
single hlessedness- --enacted intosa ssran-
ger to his own wife -swore awfully. Iq.A n I
though the night was dark and most pf
The deniEens Of smiths town had gone to-
bed, Smith bid his late wifeato put on herli
b6nnet,a and arm in arm they proceeded
TO the clergyman Of their church. ,ass. II.
Goodness bless me; II exclaimed che
good man as he saw them enter Smith
looking like the last of. june shade
Smiths wife wiping her eyes with, cthe