The Placer herald., 1864-08-20
asd trubbls the American mind runs to Joke

asd trubbIs the American mind runs to Joke
hiIarity. Wot We want, Teller citysus, is a
President to banter us outer all our sorrers
"a rsg'.r scrsamer. Ny friends" shell
eontinny, III no it is said that civil lor hes
ben suspended 10 the North, and that the
Constitooshin hes been vilated and privit and
public rights invaded by the distinguished
man whose caws advocate, but these things
have been DONE as may say. in joak-iust
to startls US and keep US wide awake and
prevent Us from eapsin inter a state of sim
copy" This will be my line of argument
or sunthin like it, when take the stump for
the present incumbrant of the Pre.idensha
ofis.
THE PUBLIC PURSE.
Ne and the President breathes freer and
ssier senst We got rid of Chase. He hes
more brains than all Of the Constitooshinal
advisers put together. but he's Teller you
ksnt ookes. or cousillya or whede, or per,
swade, emmy more'n you could indooce the
Horse Shoe 1t Naggerer 10 run up hill. Sal.
mon was too mulch inclined to 60 on his
own hook, 80 We lot him slide, and offerd
the glitern bait TO wun who warn't so
mulch OF bullheal and more inclined to
fall in with our porpussss. Fessenden, on,
less We air mistaken in our man, will sink
or s~im, survive or perish with his illustrus
psyterun. Chase was sore on the boldly
pollytck, but we hev evry confidence in Fes-
sender, as the cus.oadyun OF the publick pus.
POLITICAL SPEAKERS.
hev proposed to the Poplar Idle new
method OF takin the wind outer the sails Of
the oppsrsshn in the management of the
approchin canvass. | want it conducted so
- 10 make the people larf. At present they
aT in glummy frame of mind. Ny idee is
TO give EN- a little fun for thar munnev. We
oil no wot infarna bores your reelar pon
tickle speakers air. They air played out.
Fellers that ken put war an Diet in an amusin
light. Ell it ken oney be shone ,ha. the re.
sleckshin Of Mr.. Lincoln would he capital
joak, the natural predelickshin Of the Amer.
lean people for the humerus would be a great
keard in his favor. Ell setch long winded
s.eeratypes as Raymond, Daney, Wilson,
Spraig, Everett, and cetery, goes speechityin
about the kenry for my ilIustrus friend.
they'll tork him down, shoor. The publck
10 melancholy enutf without thar solemn
warnins, and they'd send more foxes to The
loonatick asy lumns then to the polls. Comic
actors is wot We want on the eectoneering
stage.
ARs. rARrIxoroN, JEENs PIPES, AND ARrEMUs
WARD.
Thars Artemus Ward, now; he'd be good
man for the crysis-worth forty thousand
commonplace ward pollytishins He's
Snowman by trade, and notwi,hslandin the
war. could speak peace" that would be
shoor to make = fswroar for Abraham the
Amusn. Then thars De Cordover-I don't
no wos his polIy,ickle vews air, but ennyhow
should think be might be roped in. Jeems
Pipes, too, is pretty good at comic putfery
it would be as we'll 10 hev him as a mem
Der Of the paytriotic troop. Sacks would
also Be a valuable ackwisishn, but beve
he's ben engaged on the luther side Least
WAYS Judge so by the way he pitches into
Giddyun and Giddyun's band. Holmes the
Union vsrsa6re Of the Hub of the Universe,
is raythsr too posht to tickle the roughs,
but be might raise gen,eel larf for US in
Funil Hail. Brdo'freedom Lowill, likewise
would be frst-rats to fire tue hearts of Maine
Lumbermsn and the Green Mountain BOYS,
but mistrust be thinks too much of himself
TO 60 on the tramp. Mrs. Partington and
Ike should be enlisted in the core ef possebul,
but as they hev joaked eggscoosively for
Boston SO many years, | spose they couldn't
be indOosed to desart thar Post | thoor,
III wun time Of doom all the fun of the cam
paign myself but the wurk would be too
hevy; and besides of my noble friend should
Be defeated after all, the republican party
republican parties is alus ngrateful-would
lay it all to me. In multitood Of council
lers thar is saifty-in a multitood Of joakers
thar's suckcess. Therefore propose to or.
ganss low comedy band for eeckshineerin
purposes, to sarve for three munts or until
pay to depend on the $500. In uther
words-no Abe, no pay. Proposals for
gagements addressed to "A Disbanded Voli
ubteer, Nayshinal Hotel, Washington" will
reserve immsdisnt and respectful attenshin
No Sircus Clowns need apply, but wouldn't
objsck to a few eminent niger minstrels
II mought he p to ring in some Of the Ere,
nent Abolitionists.
His Comic Eggsellency, the Commander
in Chief of the Army and Navy of the Uni
tod States is in high health. Her Elegant
Eggsellency, his fair consort, is also well. |
am sorry to say that the latter hes ben sham
fully libild by polk in the Washington
Chronicle. His name is Howard Gyndon,
and hope he will be ncasserated for his
rhyme, until he ia brort to reason. The lie
bill is in these words. send jest as cut it
from the scurrilus jsrniI in question, witch |
hope will he supprest:
~, women, lift my voice from her
womln in the broadcast sense;
No polished sham, from Fashions hands
But real without pretense."
Mrs. Lincoln is sartainy plump, but to
call her q woman in the 6roddest sense is
cuttin it rather TOO fat. The President goes
out every svenin to the sogsr's hum, and re-
turns every morniu like a giant refresht lie