The Union. [volume] (Georgetown, Del.) 1863-1866, 1864-01-22

hurt i'm p Bully for the teuton. But then
how is doctor to know what ails man in
wardly unless he does 50 by scarsa rg
IT Is related that difident bachelor went
to the seaside in August, to seek refuge from
the loneliness of his celibacy; and one dark
evening, enjoying breeze on the terrace in
front of the hotel, happened to take seat
that had been vacated by the husband Of a
loving wife, with whom the happy man had
been chatting. In few moments this lady
returned and, mistaking the stranger for her
husband, lovingly encircled his neck, and
j gave him an affectionate kiss, with the re-
mark. Come, dsrling, is it not abou- time
to retire?" He did not faint, but tie shock
was very severe.
HALF THAT.-When young Mr.. Hodge frst
came up to town, his father told him it w uld
be polite, when being helped at dinner, to say
to the host, Half that if you please" 1t
so happened that at the first dinner to which
he was invited, sucking pig was one Of the
dishes. The host, pointing with his knife to
the young porker, asked, ''Well, Mr.. Hodge,
will you have this, our favorite dish, or haunch
Of mutton2" Upon which, reeollecting his
lesson, he replied, "Half that, if you please"
to the CONSERVATION of all present.
HOLD ox!-The Fort Madison Plaindealer
advises poetical correspondent to let poetry
alone study spelling book, save his postage
stamps, and buy fine combl Would such
advice give the chap lice-ence to use the comb?
1t strikes us that "Combe on the Head"
would have been more appropriate than
spelling book. The Pla aindealer is funny
paper to thus throw nitric acid at its cores
poudents!
"TALK about women talking" says lady
OF our acquaintance, herself by no means de-
ficient in eloquence: "Why, look at the de-
bates in the House of Commons, and public
dinners, the vestry meetings, and, above all,
the gossip, gossip, gossip, at those horrid
clvbs! You talk more in a week than we do
in q year; though, to be sure, what we say
has got some sense in it"-Frazer's NagG-
zine.
THERE is young man in the army who
was born July 4th, at four o'clock P NJ, at
No. A, in street in New York, 1914,
fourth child, has four nance, enlisted toto
Company D, of the Fourth Battalion, Forty
Fourth Regiment, fourth company, and on
the fourth day of September was appointed
fourth corporal, and is now going forth to de-
fend his country.
AGooD JOKE was perpetrated by rebel
prisoner captured at Chickamaugua. The
rebel was looking at one Of our guns, and re-
marked that he didn't think the Hanks
would use them big guns much longer :
why not?" asked the Feds. Because"
said he, "the Confedera6y is getting SO mar
row that you'll fire clear over it and hit ysur
men on the other side"
AFTER the Union boys took Lookout Noun
tain, rebel soldier, who had concealed h'yf--
self; came out of his hiding place, mounted q
large rock, threw off his hat and coat, and
shaking himself like a chicken freed from
damp confinement, exclaimed; +" How are yoae
Southern ooniederacyf"
THE St. Paul Press speaks of new patent
foot wormer just invented by some frozen by
perborean in that section. Don't know abont
them 'air" things, but we remember seat
warmer" a lady who brought us up used Of
ten. Ii was very handy!
THIs is cool. A recruit in the Third New
Hampshire regiment, while the "lons-rYA ~
-wae beating furiously, and the rebels every
moment expected to be in camp, quietly put
his head out ofhis tent, and asked the Colonel
who was statfding near if they should come
out with dress coats or bLonSes."
1t is stated that Lincoln was not sick with,
the smallpox. 1t was one of his jokes, to
keep cormorants away from the White House
Till his message was written. This IS vouch-
ed for by Washington papers.
A PLAcARD posted up throughout tie town
of Dundee announces the opening of the The
atre Royal, 4 under the managementO Of Miss
Goddard newly decorated and painted"
PEOPLE often wonder at the most natural
things in the world. II say, Digby, "said
Quilp to an acquaintance" you look sober
this morning" And for very obvious
reason said Digby, Il AN sober"
Ar a wedding, the other day, one of the
guests, who is often ittls absent-minded,
observed gravely, ~ have remarked that
there have been more women than men mar
ried this year"
A H1eH-LIrr wedding lately took place at
Richmond. A grandson of John Tyler and
a sister of Jefferson Davis were the parties.
"IDEAs," says Voltaire, 81 are like boards
men only get them when they grow up,
and women never have any,"
TIE reason why many ladies dodge an offer
of MARRIAGES. because the question is popped
at them.
A PRINTER out West, whose first son hap
pened to be afvery short. fat little fellow,
named him BREWER Full-faced Jones.
TuE Patti fury RACES in Madrid. The
Queen projects" the little girl,