American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-04-27
WIT AND WISDOM.


CONSIDER whence thou comest, wfther
thou goest, and before whom thou art to
stand.
THE most disagreeable of all bats to
have flying about ones head, are Jrtch-
bats
How did Noah preserve honey bees
during the flood? In the ark-hiyes of
the world, Of course.
WHAT is the difference between ones
mouth and bandbox? Not much; eli
ther is good place to put a Muffin.
A LOVER is most eloquent when he
talks to his sweetheart about marriage
Then his speech is ringing eloquence.
A GENIUS out west has just patented a
machine for making chestnuts out ofsweet
potatoes. lie is brother to the old gem
tlcman who put handlcs'to prickly pears
and then sold them for curry-eombs.
TIE editor of the Rochester Democrat
gives this recipe to kill fcas on dogs:
Soak the dog for five minutes in cam
phono, and then set him on fire. The
effect is instantaneous"
A GOOD deal of the consolation offered
in the world is about as solacing as the
assurance of the Irishman to his wife
when she fell into the river "Youll
find ground at the bottom, my dear"
A LADY, just returned from foreign
tour, said her husband purchased, among
other things during their travels, lot of
stationery to put in the hicks, and some ar
ticlcs of virtue to adorn his parlor with
A MAN had sign up, "CAeap Ladies'
Shoes for sale here" He found t;.at not
woman entered his store. No wonder
the ladies don't like to be called cheap
they want to be called DEAR
A WAC remarked the other day that
people treated postage stamps nowadays
in the same manner as school-masters used
to treat their pupils in his time--licked
them to make them stick to their letters
SOME people" said a rod-nosed indi-
vidual, haranguing three or four by-stand-
ers, " waste their money in charity, 9TH
ers squander theirs in supporting wives
and families; but as for me, [ save mine
to buy spirits"
AN old bachelor of our acquaintance
says he doesn't wonder that married men
over thirty-fve years of age are placed in
the second class conseripts under the new
conscription law. They have suffered
enough for their country.
THE wit .deservedly won his bet who,
in a company where every one was brag-
gins Of his tall relations, wagered that he
himself had brother. twelve feet high
He had, he said, two half brothers, each
measuring six feet"
How do you like me now 2" asked a
belle Of her spouse, as she sailed into the
room, with a sweeping train Of muslin fol-
lowing her.
Well" said he, TO tell the truth, it
is impossible for me to like you any long
er."
A.cYNIc,e by the name of Wright in
Wrightsville, Wright county, out West,
recently writing on Woman'3 rights
" that it is so seldom that women do right
what is right that it is more than right
that when they do what is right that it
should be rightly done" Now, if Mr..
Wright is not right, then he had no right
to write the above.
AN officer of South Adams on a fur
lough was recently addressed by POM
pous individual =
Oh, you feel big, don't you with
your shoulder straps and brass coat and
blue buttons? Well, I could have had a
commission, too, if / had wanted it, and
gone to the war, and fought and been kill
ed and been buried by this time"
It's a pity you hadn't taken the COM
mission" said the officer, quietly