Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1864-02-17
Humorous.


Humorous.
Put not your trust in money, but
put your money in trust.
"My companions in arms" as ala
dy said when she embraced her twins.
The busiest coopers in these times
are those that hoop the ladies.
When a farmer has bad crops does
he generally make a rye face.
The evils from which a morbid
man suffers most are those that do
not happen.
Sometimes a woman says no to an
offer, when it is as plain as the nose
on her face that she means yes. The
best way to Judge whether she is in
earnest or not, is to look straight into
her eyes and never mind her nose.
A young lady walking with a gen
tleman stumbled, and when her COM
p%anion, to prevent her fall, grasped
her hand somewhat tightly, she SIM
pered, "Oh, sir, if it comes to that,
you ask my papa"
"Hear, hearr' continually exclaim-
ed an enthusiastic individual at a late
political meeting. "There is mighty
little hear here dryly remarked a
wag standing close by,
"Dees The razor take hold well?" in-
quired a darkey, who was shaving a
gentleman from the country. Eyes"
replied the customer, with tears in his
eyes; cit takes hold fr~st-rate, but it
don't let go worth a cent"
rs Mr.. Jones inTV asked an Irish
man,ot the porter in a hotel. cNo,"
was the reply; "will you leave your
manner" "Och, do you think I'd be
after going home without aname?"
The editor of the Kinderhook Rough
Notes says he shall not raise the price
of his paper for the present. because
he is not able, as a general rule, to.
raise more than half what he charges
now.
Mr.. Dump, being long 10 arrears,
complained one morning that his eof-
fee was not settled: "You had better
settle for the coffee" said the lsndia-
dy, "and then complain"
a Patlander, angling in the rain,
vas observed to keep his line under
the arch Of a bridge. Upon being
asked the reason, be replied, Sure an
won't the fishes be crowdin' to keep
ont Nv the wet?"
A freedman who was working with
great energy, being asked the reason
of his singular industry: dts only
the difference of a letter." was the re-
ply; formerly l worked for Massa
Lash-now / work for Massa Cash"
If a few civil words will render a
man happy, he must be a wretch in
deed who will not give them TO him
Let another man light his candle by
your own, andyours loses none of its
brilliancy by what it gains.
A young gentleman, visiting hisin-
tended, met a rival who was some
what advanced iu years, and wishing
to insult him, inquired how old he
vas 81 can't exactly telr2 replied
the other; "but 1 can tell you that an
ass is older at twenty than a man at
sixty"
An Irisbman was employed to trim
some fruit trees. He wen in the morn
ing, and, on returning at noon, was
asked if he had completed his work.
mo-" was the reply, "but | have cut
them all down, and am going to trim
them in the afternoon"
"Colonel w. is a fine looking man,
is he not2" said a friend of ours. Yes
replied another, 81 was taken for him
once. "Yon? why you're as ugly as
SIM" 81 don't car for that, l was ia
ken for him. / endorsed his note and
was taken for him-by the Sheriff"
Father, amt you opposed to monop-
oly?" cried a little fellow, as if his par
ent took up the brandy bottle. Yes,
my boy" was the reply. "Then give
me a drink, too" The father broke
the bottle on the floor. and has not
tasted liquor since.
Won't you cut open q penny for me
fathcr?D said a-little girl, when she
came home from school, n day
"Cut open a penny What do you
want me to do that for7' asked her
father. %Cause," said THE little girl,
our teacher says in every penny-there
are four farthings, and 1 want to see
them
When Chief Baron, Lord Lyndhurst
on the Home Circuit at Croydon, was
trying a man for coming, the princi-
pal witness was a gardener. On cross
examination the counsel for the de-
fence said to the witness, $50 you
went to SOW the seeds of this prose-
cntionTp NO." said his lordship, che
went to find the mould"
Ayoungm mar advertising for place
as salesman, says he has had great
experience. having been discharged
from seven different situations within
4 UooP