The Lancaster gazette. [volume] (Lancaster, Ohio) 1863-1886, 1864-11-10
WHAT MA HARRIS KNEW AnOUT
.fl}ithIJTHE PIGHF.
Or Something About Sally Diuiard and
Captain Ries's treat.

q lpaiIJ DlItiru, OdpL. Islce a 20. were
again brought to the memory of the
lpublic,A They deserve to bs repro
Z dqced every few years. Especially
"a when they keep, our friends in good
hhmor with themselves for at least
week after reading d'a -e
acENE--A Court qf Justice in North
Car3ttaGI 7Gl aoJatarol lJ
A beardess disciple of Themis arises
and thus addresses the Court
= May it please your worship, and
: you gentlemen Of the jury, since it
4 has been my fortune, good or bad, |
will1lot gay, TO exercise myself in legal
: disquisitions 1t has never befallen
me to berobliged 10 prosecute SO dire
f fGt, marked and malicious an assault.
Alnofd yilfqls violent, dangerous bat
terry, and, finally, more dab, Heal
breach of the peace has seldom hap
pened in a civilized country, and
dare say, it has seldom been your duty
to pass upon one SO shocking TO betiev-
q olcnt feelings, as this which took place
over at Capt. Rice's, in this county
7 But you vii hear from the witnesses"
/ The witnesses being sworn, two or
three were examined and deposed.-
\ OHe said, that he heard the noise, but
4 did not sec the fight; another, that he
il, saw the row But did not sec who struck
first; and u third. that he was very
I drunk a2d ,c0ald not say much about
4 the skrimaae.
yLaryer ChopSA1 am sorry, gentle.
men, 70 .haYe occupied your time with
4 the stupidity Of the witnesses exam
ihed.!' lt'arises. gentlemen, altogether
from misapprehousion on my part
] Had | known, as | do now, thet / had
witness who was we'll acquainted
with all the circumstance Of the case,
and who was able to make himself
\ clearly understood to the court and
ljurygt should not 50 long have tress-
4 passed upon your time and patience.
! Come forward Mr.. Harris, and bo
sworn 80 n'"h a''' '"''
I so forward comes the witness, a fat,
fshutfy old man, a ''leetle' corned; and
! took his oath with an dir.
! Chops Harris, we wish you to tell
all about the riot that happened the
other day at Capt. Riccs, and, as a
guod deal of time has already bsgii
! wasted in circumlocutiOn, We wish you
TO be compehdiOus; and, at the same
time, as explicit as possible.
HarriS-Alzaekly, giving: the laws
yer knowing wink, and at the same
/ time clearing his throat Capt. Rice he
I gin treat, and Cousin Sally billiard
she come over to cur house and axed
me if my wife she mount 90? told
cousin Sally billiard that my wife was
poorly, being as how she hata touch
tof rhcumatics in the hip, and the big
swamp was IN the road, and the big
swamp was up, for there had been o
heap Of rain lately; but, hoRsothever,
as it was She, cousin Sally billiard;
my wife she moutr go. Well, cousin
Sally billiard tncn axed me il Nose
he mount g5ai I told to.sih Sally
billiard he was the foreman of the
crap, and the crap was smartly in the
grass but howsomever, as it was she
cousin Sally billiard, Nose he mout
GO .:tA-, ,..,-, ..
Chop$Afn the maine Of common
sense, Mr.. HARRIS what do you mean
1 by this rigmarole,2 ra .as ..at
: TFTne$$-Capt. Rice he gin q treat,
and cousin Sally billiard she Game
ioyef to CUR house aud axed inc if my
wife she mout'nt go? l told cousin
Sally billiard ..'''
oPsvSpprsr, ifyou please we
don I want 70 hear anything about your
cousin Sally billiard and your wife
tell us about tIleIfgtt at Riee's.
Hihcss-WclI, | will, sir, ifyou will
let ne.
GhdDs-WGii, sir, 60 oil. '1.'7. .'.
I U'taess-Well, sir Capt. Rice he gin
"a treat and cousin Sally billiard she
came over to our house and axed Inc if
my wife she mouth 20. l told cousin
Salty DIlIiarJ-
Chaps -l'hcfoit is again. Witness,
please to STOP. p st.o. ..gr -i.'.
Ijimess-Well, sir, what do you want?
I ChgpS--W faht TO know about tho
fight and you must not proceed in this
story. Doyou know any
thing about the matter before the
.Court2g .,,H..eta.s ...
Iitht$s-To be sure l do.
Ch6ps-WelI, you 90 on and tell it;
and nothing tlsc.H .a
JFtaesS-Wcll, Capt. EiCe lie gin a
treat and
Chqp$-Tliis is intoIerable. May it
.plcase the Court, move that this wit
ncs be c0nlait,ed fCr contempt; he
seems to Ge tritiins with the Court.
CoW-Witness, you are before d
court ofjustice, and unless you behave
yourself in a more becoming manner
you will be sent to jail, so begin and
tell about the fight at Capt. Rice's.
HUhesS, dIdrmed.-Well, gentlemen,
Capt. ieieehe gin treat, and cousin
Sally Dilliard-= r.lt.
Chops-l hope the witness may bS
ordered into custody.
Court, after deiiberating--Mr. Attor-
ney, the Court is of the opinion that
we may save time By letting the wit
ness go on in his own way. Proceed,
Mr.. Harris. but stick to the point.
JTHneSS-Yes, gentlemen. We'll, Capt.
Rice he gin a treat, and Cousin Sally
billiard she come over to our house
and axed me ifmy. wife she moutn't
B." -