Weekly standard. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1858-1865, 1864-04-06
Specimens of Gubernatorial Literature.

Extracts from Co.. Tances Wilkes5orough speech.
"FELLow CITIZENS, LADIES AND GENrsMEN.-I
do not know how it is possible for me to make my
self heard by this large audience unless adopt the
plan of the one armed soldier who could not hug his
sweetheart all the way around, and so was forced to
then turn and hug as far on the other. Qaughta)
= 4 Il \ .S-4SasSSs
"You will pardon me for funny Illustration 81
so seroas subject, but am somewhat like the old
lady, who, in company with her old man: used to
visit country store kept by one Major Smith, Gas
there are no Majors and no Smiths in this section,
there is no danger of Identifying him. The Major
kept some fine samples OF wet goods in the cellar,
to whichhe treated his customers before displaying
his dry goods up stairs; for be knew, as you do,
that IN certain state of xhilarAton imaginas
he can buy two or three countless to say nothing Of
goods and groceries. Laughter.) And the sfere.
said old couple were about the best customers he
had On one occasion, after repeatedly going up
and down stairs, they got in such Q good humor,
thatwhen they started home the Major could barely
lift them on the saddle-the old lady behind in the
the Major. He was 1.-THE finest storekeeper she
ever see in all her born days. Bless that Major,
what nice samples he does put up to Be sure, and
how he sweetens' Gripping the old man with
hand and gesticulatng with the other, she pro-
ceeded to expatiate on the Majors charming quail
ties, until they came to a branch, up the opposite
bank of which the old man managed to ride, Whlie
the old lady ANONYMOUSLY slipped oil quietly into
the stream. The old fellow rode some distance be.
fore he discovered he had lost something, and rode
hack to the stream when be ascertained what it was
There she Law in the branch, fat on her back, and
had damned up the water until it had just begun to
rnn into the corners of her mouth. She imagined
she was in the cellar, talking to the Major, and
'.samping." Rolling her eyes, pursuing up: her
mouth, she would say every now and then, "not
any more l thank you Major, not another draD
Major, unless i: is sweetened" CONTINUED laugh.
ter Just so with your humble servant in regard
to secession: Not another drap Major, if you please
sweetened or not sweetened daughter and ap-
plause.) :
"You know when Saint Paul went to the city of
Ephesus and announced the true God, he raised
quite row with Demetrius and the rest of the
artists in the place, who had been accustomed to
make their living by manufacturing shrEes for the
Goddess Diana; and they were about to massacre
Saint Paul for his interference with their profits.
At the height of the excitement which was about to
break out into actual hostilities, there appeared
among them felton,, the town clerk, whose name
is not given, land regret tho omission, for think
he 'oas the snartest uninspired man mentioned in
Serapture,) who got upon the court house steps OF
"the stump" and spoke to the people"
Extract from speech oelVereo IN hlcnmono, va,
by Gov. William Smith, March 18th, 1854.
1.-THE Governor then referred to the substitute
principals who had been required by Congress II
report for duty. know, he said, addressing tn,
solders,) what frolc you will have over then
| when they arrive in camp. Laughter) You viii
put them through. Renewed merriment) Thu
Governor told his hearers that he wanted them t.
win new laures, and then, at the close of the war
when they returned home perhaps with leg or al
arm gone, they would talk to the old woman" an,
tell the children, who would Chamber around the
knee, how they had put it to the Yankees Eere, O
put it to them there. Qaughter.) They tell me
said the Governor, that am getting old, but wher
there is Yankee or woman to be met, l wish i
to be understood that am only tvsnty fos Laugh
terry 80