Maysville weekly bulletin. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1864-1866, 1864-08-25
Artemus wards Opinion,

observe. that contains many Twin wild an
imils, every one of which has got Beautiful
Moral. Them handbils is sculpt in New
York, and I snnoolly repair here to git more
on UNI; and bein hsre | tho't I'd issoo a ADJ
dress to the public on matters and things.
Since l last mevandered these streets. l
have bin all over the Pacific Slopes and
Utah. 1 cum back now, with my virtue
unimpairsd, but I've got to git some new
! clothes.
Many changes has taken place, even durin
my short absence, & sum on um is Sollum
to contemplate. The house in Varveck
street. where I used to board is bein torn
down. That house, which was rendered
memorable by my Twin into it, is 'parsn
away! parsin sway!' But some of the tim
bers will be made into canes, which will be
sold to my admirers at the low price of one
dollar each. In the New World it is war
in World Empires is totterin Sc Dysentaries
is crumblin. These canes is cheap at a
dollar.
Sammy booth, Duane street, sculps my
handbis. and he's a artist. He studied in
Rome-S.ate OF New York.
Pm here to read the proof sheets of my
| handbills as fast as they are sculpt. on
have to watch these ere printers pretty close
for they're jest as apt to spell a wurd wrong
as any how.
| But have time to look round some ard
how do | find things? l return to the At
lantic States after absence of six months,
& what State do l find the country inP-
/ Why, l don't know what State find it in.
Suffice it to say that do not find it in the
State Of Nav Jersey.
! find some things that is cheerin, partic'ly
the resolve on the part of the wimin of
Amer to stop wearin form goods.
l never NEEDLE with my wife's things,
she may wear muslin from Gree nlsnd's icy
mountains. and bombazeen from Iujy's coral
strands, If she wants to; but l am glad to
state that that superior woman has peeled
off all her Turin clothes and jumpt into fab.
rcks of domestic manufactur.
But, says some folks. if you stop importin
things you stop the Revenoo. That's all
right. We can stand it if the Reveuoo can.
On the same principle young men should
contiuer to get drunk on French brandy aud
to make Their lives as dry as a corn cob with
Cuby cigars, because sooth if they don't it
will hurt the Revenoo! This talk bout the
Raveuoo is all bosh, boshy. One thing is
tol'by certain, if we dan't send gold out of
the country We shall have the consolation
Of knowing that it is in the country. SO l
say great credit is doc the wimen for this
patriotic move--and to tell the trooth, the
wimnn generally know what they're about.
OF ali the blossoms they're the soothinist.-
II they'd never bin any wimen, where'd my
children bin to-day?
But l hope this move will lead to other
moves that are just as much needed. one of
which is general and therrer curtainment o
expenses all round. The fact is, we are
gettiu terribly extravagant & onless we paws
in our mad career, 10 less than twoy years the
goddess of liberty will be seen d"dgiu into
Pawn Brokers shop with the ota er gown
done up in bundle, even if she don't have
to Spout the gold stars in her head band
Let us all take hold jiutly who know'G
moren we do, if they want quite so honest!
(Suttle goaketh.)
There air other cherrin signs. We don't
for instuns. lack great Gen'rals, and we GER
tauly don't lack brave soljiers-but there's
one thing | wish we did lack, and that is
our present Congress.
ventur to say that if you sarch Collie
,,iobty's footstool all over with a ten boss
mower microscope, you wouldn't be able to
find such another pack of poppycock CAB
blers as the present Congress of the United,
States of America.
Gentlemen Of the SENT & of the House
von,ve sot there ond draw'd your pay and
made summer complaint speeches long
enuff. The country at large, includin the
UNDERSIGNED, is disguised with you. Why
don't Won show us a statesman-sOme body
who can make a speech that Will hit the
poplar hart right under the Great Public
weskit? Why don't you show US a states
man who can rise up to the Emergency, and
cave in the Emergency's headF
Congress- you won't do. 10 home, you
vulnerable devils-go home!
i ,lanfinn in m
district the other day. delib'ritely voted
for Henry CLAW. l admit that Henry is
dead. but inasmuch as we don't seem to
nave a live statesman in our National Con-
0ress let us by all means have first class
corpse.
Them who think that a cane made from
the timber of the house once boarded in
is essential to their happiness, should not
DELAY about sendin the money right on for
one.
And now, with genuine hurrar for the
wimmiu who are goin to abandon turin
GOODS. and another for the patriotic every
where's, I'll leave public matters and indulge
in little family gossip
Mvreported capture by the North Amer
lean saviiis OF Utah, led my wide circle OF
friends and creditors to think that had bid
adoo to earthly things. and was an angel
PLAYING on a golden harp. Hents my ar
rival at home vas Unexpected.
It was / l p. M, when reached my home
std and knockt healthy knock on the door
thereof.
A nightcap thrust itself out of the front
chamber winder. ct was my Betsy'S night
cap.l And voice said:
Who is it?'
IT'S mani 1 answered in a gruff vols.
Il don't believe i'll she said.
Then come down and search me, L re-
piled. .,1.
Then resumin my nat'ral voice, said st
I is your own a. W., Betsy! Sweet lady
] aWakei Ever of thouh