davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
A Model superintendent

Joe Fogler and Michael w aterbutt were
two worthy citizens Of St. George. Thew
were not ovsrburdened with that goa head
itiveness that characterized tie majority Of
their neighbours ; and they were often made
the butts of, for the wsgs Of ST. George to
shoot their wit at. On one town IN Getting
day. when business dragged slowly along,
the young folks, to amuse themselves,
nominated Joe and Miks-one for Super
intendens of Schools, and the other in.
spectOr Of Weights and measures. 1t was
put to vo g, and they were elected. Con-
trary to every ones expectations, they did
not resign the bODors, etc. Joe was yery
ignorant, aud all the sobool teachers b d
to be examined by him before they c5ald
be qualified to teach 10 St. George. One
day confident young damsel came to him
to be examined as q teacher. Joe gave
her q chapter in-the Bible to read. She
done very well till she came TO Nsbuch-
adne5zar. g..
That's not right said Joe.
What's not right said the wouldAbe
echOclmarm.
'Thsts called Nebox- your nezer,'- said
doe and because she.:cosldn't see it be
~euld not give her q certificate.
Joe went by the name of 'Neboxyour-
noZer' ever alter
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
.who pu. this on y ssked Nil. slaek. at

length.
i did, and have worked hard SD day on
purpose TO save you ecuple Of dollars !;
but, ifI had anticipated such treatment as
this. would have pct il Il the ere first i
rejoined Mrs. Slack; with the air of al TO-
jured woman.
1t would have been better, for in that
case all your trouble would have beon saw
ed was the rot very consolinR reply to
this burst of indignation. You have lost
your labor, and l my paper6wAile not q
cent Of benefit has resulted from this mis-
taken idea of Dispensing With the services
of paper-hanger.'
Dir. Slack said no more on the subject,
though he was annoyed and vexsd at his
wifs's want Of forethonght and calculation.
Mrs. Slack decided 10 her own mind. that
she had been penny wise and pound fool
ish, bnt never made the allowances, 10 90
many.~opds TO Der b0sbana. Sbs ceied 4
long timesabout il, but as tears were new
er known to match paper, or take stains
out of carpets, they were of no particular
benefit. The neighbors ridiouled her pa
| per-hangiug so much, and suggested so
many different ways in which she could
save money, that she procured more mate
rial, and had it put on in q proper manner
at double the expense it would originally
| have co t.
Mr.. Slack never became a rich man, to
| our knowledge. Do any of our readers
know the reasonf Simply because Mrs
Slack wasted more within than he could
earn without, illustrating the fact tina,
| the head should be used AS well as the
hands
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
The street schooI.

Where are the children, Maryp said
Mr.. Blair, entering the kitchen, where his
sister, Mrs. Turmsn, stood at the pastry
table, one busy Saturday morning. I've
come to give them ride
: There's no keeping track Of them. I
suppose they are somewhere in the Streets
In the street Do you allow that p was
the startled question that followed this
admission. : -
How can i help il, brother / have
my work to do We can't afford to bire.'
Yes, Mary, You have your Woak 10 do.
What greater work has Heaven given 20
womsn than the care Of her children ~
Their minds ere fair fields wherein to SOW
good seed, but you are allowing the enemy
to Gil them with tsres.'
: Their food must be prepared. Henry,
and 1 can't DO that and Be running aftsr
Ehlr1nll TIE ii1os and lbQ laig. threw {
llstlt spice into Der minced meat AID .
little more into the tones Of Der voice.
'Mince pies and doughnuts,' said Mr..
Blair, musingly were they ever designed
for the stomach Of a childi Setting aside
the artificial wants Of pastry and smbroid>
ery,swould not every woman have time to
doahs work that God has sppointedP
Thsrs was no reply. The slightly-of-
Tended lady pursued her toll, aud the
btothsr set out in search Of the little oues.
Lead ns not into temptation, but de-
liver usfrOn evil, I" though be. will
God hear that prayer when We give our
children to all temptation and eviIi'
he had only walked square when he
discovered bis namesake, q boy of ten.
playing marbles with one much older. A
group of lads surrounded them, and 90
casiOnai cheers told the PROCESS of the
game.
Henry said Mr.. B.
10 an instan, the child gathered up his
marbles and sprung to his side. A fearful
oath broke frUm the lips Of bis rival
player.
why is be SO angry. Henry p asked his
uncle
Oh, the boys bad all made bets on the
game. and should have lost ten marbles
if be had won it,
A little further on was Mary, playing
in the gutter with brace of rag-pickers,
and on the track was three year-old Eddie,
| hallOwing to the ponies.
Mothers, the picture is not over-draHr
may, "the half hath not been told
Have you become mothers, 'cumbersd will
much sersing,' and allowing the falls;
customs of society to come between you
children and that better part q Savior
died to give them Beware lest You sac
rihee to pride, or give to their vineyard o
another, those hours that are sacred Il
their eternal welfare. There is a tim
when your Offspring should seek the stree
school. When they have learned Jesu
and love His ways, let them go forth auC
say TO the lost lambs of the flock, Come.
Let them gather them into the earthly
fold, and who shall say that they may viii
crown jewels for Heaven p Chrfstian I'D
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
The ChairDodge.

A wag of o fellow. who was rather short
of the trash that Shakespeare wrote about,
wishing to visit the theatre the other night
bethOught himself Of @ rev way to raise
the wind, which he practissd most sue.
cessiully. ShOuldering an old split bottom
chair, he proceeded to the hall, and start,
ed up the steps Is coolly aud deliberately
as though be had been made the object Of
special invitation. But the doorkeeuer
was wide awake, and suddenly demanded
the young mans ticket.
Ticket 2 said the wag; guess YOU'VE
got it already. Didn't I gave it to Won
when / first came in-beiore went down
after this chair p
Phe cool impudencs with which tbi,
was said satisfied the doorkeeper that All
was right, and be permitted the ehairmau
to pass up. There has been considerable
laugh at the expense of the doorkseper,
who prided himself on being .exeeedinRIy
watchful and bard to fool.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
Pumed Him.

We find the following good one in the
Nashville Union:
One day whilst Forrest was making
havoc of the roiliosd south Of Pulaski. a
gentleman dressed in grey called at one of
our leading hotels. The guests were at
supper, and the balls and sitting rooms
were almost vacant, only few persons re-
naming in them. Amongst these was
government detective. So soon as be saw
the gentleman in grey be thought he
'smelt mice and determined to keep an
eye on him. Grey walked about appar-
emily fidgety, and finally took stand near
one of the doors looking into the dining
room. Detective approached him, and re-
marked:
Forrest seems to be playing hell down
the road i!
Gray-Yes be seems to have things pref.
ty much bis own way.
Detective-He's great fellow
Gray-Yes, he's the greatest General in
the Coafederacy.
Here the detective thought that be had
made APPOINT, had gotten a great big nib
Bile. and the smile in bis eye denoted that
he did cot expect to catch anything less
than rebel spy. He put numerous other
questions, and got answers. all tending to
confirm his suspicious. He was in costa
cy, and could scarcely conceal bis feelings.
At last he ventured to remark:
But. yet, il Forrest don't mind he may
be caught
Gray-And when he's caught, hope
they'll hang him And, my good fellow,
such fellows as you would do better in the
army as soldiers, than lOa6ng around no
tells as detectives.
Detective turned on his heel and left, the
most ehopSfallen specimen seen for many q
day. The gentleman be had been pump
ing is prominent loyal citizen, know al
most to every person in the city, aud knew
just exactly what bis questioner was after
the moment he commenced bis CONVERSE
1 ton.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
Beecher's BeatltudeS and Ser
mon ON the Mount.

Blessed are the rich in pocket, for theirs
are the Federal, green backs.
Blessed are they that make widows
mourn and prevent orphans from being
comfOrted.
Blessed are the saints, for they shall in
herit the southern plantations, and wo are
the saints
Blessed are they that do hunger and
thirst after pap, for they shall be filed,
and Father Abraham will give them lit
tie more pudding.
Blessed are the uumerciful, for they
shall extcrminate the Rebels.
Blessed are the impure in heart, for
they shall see miscegnat on.
Blessed are the strifemakers, for they
shall be called the children Of Old Abe.
Blessed are they that persecute others
for conscience sake, for they shall mako
earth a hell.
Blessed are ye when ye revile Copper
heads, and prosecute them, and say all
manner Of evil falsely against them for Lin
! coins sake.
Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for
great is your reward-in greenbacks; for so
rewarded they the Opdykes and Hender-
sons that went before you.
Think ye that am come to destroy con.
! tracts and diminish profits; / am not come
| to destroy but to fulfill.
For verify, say unto yon, the Constitu-
ton and the Union shall pass away; but
not one jOt or title of the public plumber
shall pass away until all be devoured.
whatsoever, therefore. shall not break
oil the provisions OF the Constitution, shall
/ be called the least in, the city Of Washing
i ton; bnt whoeyer shall bResk= them al The
same shall be called great in the city d
Washington.
For | say unto you, that unless your
treason shall exceed that of the rebels and
Secessionists, ye shall in no case find favor
at Washington.
Ye have heard it said, ye shall not kill
but | say unto you thou shalt kill, and re.
fuse to be reconciled to thy brother. o,
agree with your adversary quickly, bu
deliver him to the Provost Marshal, tina
he may be cast into Fort Lafayette. Yer
lily say unto you, he shall by no mean.
come out hence till be is feeced of hi
last greenback.
Thou hast heard it said by them OF ole
time, thou shalt not commit adultery: bu
| say unto you, thou shalt practice NIECE.
! genation and raise little msr0On-coloreC
, picsninnies to Father Abraham.
Again ye have heard that it had beer
said by them of old time thou shalt no
: fcrswear myself, but perform unto tn
| Lord thine oaths. But say unto you vol
shall compel Copperheads to take unconsti
tutional Oaths, and swear to vote the Lin
coin ticket.
, Lay up treasures for yourselves in green
, backs and fve~twenties, for where you
treasure is there will your heart be, whicI
is in Abraham's bosom.
For | say unto you. you cannot serv
, God and Lincoln.
And after he had said these things
great multitude was converted, and Their
was great rejoicing among the elect.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
AsharpTrIck

An ingenious trick has just bsss dissoV.
cred 10 Paris.
A man aud woman worked 10. They
would go into . shop and make G small
purchase of few sous only for whish be
paid with iVe-frsnc or ten-fraae Dsiea.
and received the change.
lDnediately after bis departure hin fss
male confederate world enter and also
make Q small purchase.
Then after looking at other goods for Q
fe" minutes she would politely ash for her
change, and when the sheokeopsr denied
hssing,reSsived aDy coin from bsF, sho
would reply that be must hsvs fsfgottsn,
and that il be booked IN his till be would
sud gold piece with q ssrtsin mark %
It,.
On finding such pieces the astonishsd
trsdssuan Wesld, Of coarse, give he
change with en- apology.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

Acoftespondent OF tbs'-Ne .$ftti6e
from East Point Ca, relates the follow
ing:
Among other freight for shipment, we
noticed at the East Point Depot, YESTERDAY.
a coffin. under the immediate charge of a
lady, with whom there is connected
strange history. give it as related by
the lady herself. In 1862, Mr.. R
volunteered in Georgia regiment, then
as now, in the army Of Virginia. About a
year ago the wife Of Mr.. R, hearing
that her Eusbond was killed in an engages
mert with the enemy, proceeded TO virginia
and brought home bis remains and inferred
them in her garden. After q widowhoOd of
seven or eight months, Mrs. R-was
welded to another, with whom she has
lived happily until recently, when their
happiness was broken in upon BY the ar
rival of her husband, who bad bsen taken
prisoner at the time be was supposed to
have been killed.
But the straugest part of the story is
yet to come. A few days after the singu.
lar Temperance Of Mr.. R-,a lady
arrived from Virginia, and claimed the
corpse buried in the garden as that of her
husband, who bore the same name as our
resurrected hero. This was the lady whom
We saw at East Point, on the eve of accom-.
paying the corpse back to Virginia for in
terment there. 1t seems that both were
members OF the same regiment, and in
stead OF the Georgia lady's husband being
killed, and the other taken prisoner, a.
was supposed, 1t was just the reverse;
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
Conclusive.

Lawyer TO 9 deaf witnsss)-'Ds you
know plaintiffs pigsr
Witness 2 very loudl
Lawyer (raising his voice (-'Do-you-
know-plaintiff's-pigG 2
Witness-'Yes.'
Lswyer-'How long have you known
them?'
Witness-'Eh2'
Lawyer ttouder stiIll-'HOw long have
you known tbemi'
Witness-'Fed 'em last spring.
Lawyer-'Were they ell Of q size?
Witness-'Eh
Lawyer trises on his feet petulantfy. and
shakes bis fore finger at the conclusion of
each word at the witness l-'Were-thsy-
al-of-A-Eizs p
Witness-'Some ov 'em uor, and some
oV 'em worn't.'
Old Brother Joshua Swallow, q veteran
minister, was the other day at Clio preach.
ing against the spiritual call" to the min
lstryr and related an anecdote of Caleb
Jones, who gave OILS expsIieBse in this
wise
Twas plCwing one day, aud was called
TO preach by voice saying 'CsIebt Ca
lebP. Who could have called me thus p
A boy in the back part or the oongrsga-
tiOo, says Mr.. swallow, exclaimed in a
loud voice:
'Msyba it war bull>frog, Mr.. Jones 2
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

BY C. & C. FARLEY,
summER,s DIRcE.

It is deadi tits deadl
The breeze has sighed farewell,
And gusts have come in its stead;
And the beechen leaves are red
In the deli
And the water, too,
Takes black and shlien cast
No song the forest through
Death and his sable hue
Come at last.
The blast has an edge
That pierces the pilgrims cloak;
The shepherd creeps by ledge;
The sheep alec of the hedge
Or the oak.
For the joy is gone
OF the sunlight dancing warm;
Our bllthest days have shone,
And the darker days come on, -
And the storm.
Yes still remain
Soft thoughts OF the summer time,
When perchRnce we forged some chain
Ofhope or ofloVc-sweet pain,
Or ofrhyme.
Now in thy grave
We honor thee, trusty friend,
Truly we yeRrn aud crave
That the peace thy presence gave
Should not end.
And our hopeIs strong;
We look for the next earth bloom,
When the May wind crSeps along
Through the grass and buds that throng
Der thy tomb.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

A farmer not posted on modern inven-
lions, received letter from bis son, stating
that he, the son, wanted q new pair Of
boots, bis old shoes were worn OUT The
farmer procured the boots, and n siraplici.
~ Of faith hung them upon the telegraph
wires and returned home. A sharp young
man came along next, and immediately
conceived the idea Of exchanging his old
foot covering for the bright attractive pair
on the wires; no sooner thought than done
and he went on his way rejoicing. Next
day, the farmer came back to see if his
boots had gone to their destination, and
found the exchange, of course delighted,
he exclaimed
BY gOlly, if John aiu't smart here he's
sent his old shoes back b
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

The light may come and 20 grief may
wax and Wsne grief may sirk and grief
again may arise, as 10 iDpassiOned mind
II often does, even TO the heaven Of hea-
VEINS but there is q necessity, that, II too
much left 70 itself in solitude, il viii finally
descend into dePsh from which there is
no re.aRnanf
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

A PRETTY SPEEeH.- The wife Of Gen.
Harvey. of Wisconsin, who has actively
administered to the wants of the Wiscon-
sin soldiers during the war was compli.
mented at Vicksburg few days ego with
the gift of handsome gold watch, pur-
chased by the Second Wisconsin cavalry.
Her speech in reply to the present action
address contained this pretty passage
'SpldiersI May your every heart thrOb be
as strong, steady and true as the tick of
your treasured gift: your every wish true
as ts polished gold. every loyal aspiration
full and free as my gratitude is to youP
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
DriII for Single Volunteer.

Fail Ln-Love with some amiable and
virtuOus young woman on the frst oppor,
tunity you may have.
Aaention-Psy to her, assfdUusly and
respectfully.
Right Fdee-Popying the question, like
a nau, and she'll accept you.
QiicE MdreA-To her parents d.a,h
their consent.
Right TUrn-Witb her to the church,
aed 60 through the services of holy matri-
nOny.
Hak-And reflect seriously for few
moments; then determine to devote your
self entirely to your wife.
Right A6oW Fdce-From the haunts
that you frequentod when single, and pre-.
fer your own home.
Advance ArRs-TO voc: young wife
when out walking together, and dOn't let
her walk three or four yards behind you.
Break Of-Billsrd playing, betting and
staying out at night, if you wish to have q
happy hoRe.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

i wish you wouldn't give such short
weight for my money said customer to
grocer WHO hal an outstanding bill
against MIN.
And wish you Wouldn't givsms such
long wait for mine replied the grocer.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

Long lessons are dangerous to the health
of the mind At no age is the mind oApa~
ole of loDgcontinued exertIOn. John Quin-
cy Adams used to say that he could not
read long without his thoughts beginning
to wander. Whenever this occurred, Wheth.
or at Eve in the morning or at night, be
Immediately went out and took walk 10
the open air. ard came back refreshed,
and resumed bis BOOK or his pen.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
A Skeplic,a Creed

A sceptical young man one day, con-
versing with the celebrated DR.. Parr.a OBJ
served tha. he would believe nothing
which be could not understand. Then.
young man, your creed will be the shortest
ct any man that know
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

A lady residing 10 Berkshire, Ohio, pre-
scented her husband with their twenty FIRST
child last week. The babies are ell living,
but the father IL sh but used up. He
wants government contract.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

A Contemporary says il is quite in. love
With fellow who took Q twenty ceoL cigar
from his mouth to grumble at paying I've
cents Cor en- sVsnibg pspeF.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

A gentleman dining at hotel where
the walters were few and far between, dis
patched lad among them for cut of
beef; after long time he returned, and
placing it before the gentleman. was ask
ed Are you the boy who took the plate
for beefY
Yes, sir'
Bless me- resumed the hungry wit,
how you have grown
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

We heard q man call another 90 exlor-
toner the other day for suing sin.
Why friend, replied the man HhO krof
the suit. did it to obligs you
To oblige me, iDdesd-hoW soP
Why to oblige you to pay me-
The man Was silent.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

i say, boy, where does this right hand
road 60 TOT i don't know, cir replied
the boy 'tais't been nowhere else since
ne lived hsfs.'
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

EeuITf.-An eccentric old gentleman.
being waited upon with bis surgson's bin.
cogitated some time over its eantsnts, ard
then desired the man who called with 4 70
tell hls master that the medicine be woah
certainly pay for; but as for the Visits he
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

No netter how firmly We believe an
opinion. il is always strengthened 81 sno-
Tiers assent; as aquatic planes, though
living IN the water, are refreshed BY Q
shower.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29
InIi.t marhIe WnrI
DENTISTRY

DR. r. b. G H o II r. A n Z
"OULD respectfully inform the inhabitants o
w oIiet and vicinity, that after absence 0 (
aome years. returned Joliet for the purpose of
aine IL his future hOme and adopts this method to
iuform his friends and the public, that he has take
the rooms formerly occupied by Carpenter PteCce,
OVER BRowHrs DRUG STORE,
Whe-e he will be pleased to all who may need PIRr
CLASS DENTAL OPERATIONS
ThOse vino may employ MIN may be assured that all
opperntious will be performed in a neat, teEsy aad
faithful RIGna>y
Nov. 20, 1861. Natl
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1864-11-29

A wealthy but vssk-bsadsd barristsr
once remarked to Carrau. that ssNo one
should no admitted to The bar who had not
any independent landed propsrtyr
May ask. SIR replied CuTrsD, how
many acres make t0sseaeysF