American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-08-31
VIII AND WISDOM.

MoDEsTYis quality that adorns lady,
but frequently ruins gentleman.
NAPOLEON says that bayonets think" +"
Yes, and few thinkers have so much
keeness, point and penetration as they.
MINE got? vat vii de Frenchman
make next?" as the Dutchman said the
first time he saw monkey.
DIR. MADDEN thinks the momentum of
the blood is owing to the pressure of the
atmosphere on the skin.
"FATHER, is parrot that talks dumb
animal ?"'
"My dear, children should not talk
while they are eating"
Mr.. SNooKs was advised to get his life
insured.
"Won't do" said he "it would be my
luck to live forever if | should"
"WHERE are you going?' asked lit
tie boy to another, who had slipped down
on the pavement.
"Going to get up" was the blunt re-
| ply.
THE meanest man in the world lives in
New Jersey. In he ping him out of a
river once, a man tore the collar of his
coat. The next day he sued him for as
sault and battery.
The man who put up astove-pipe with
out profanity has been found, and COM
pany have secured him for exhibition in
the principa cities. He will draw better
than any pipe.
A YOUNG lady, whose name was Patty,
being addressed by Mr.. Cake, accepted
him on condition he would change his
name, declaring she would never consent
to be called Patty Cdhe."
AN American tourist was visiting Ma
pies, and saw Vesuvius during an erup-
ton.
Have you anything like that in the
New World 2" was the question of an
Italian spectator.
"No," replied the other, "but we have
a Niagara that would put it out in five
minutes"
-"TuE man who raised cabbage head
has done more good than the metaphys-
les in the world, said a stump at
a meeting
Then, replied a wag, your mother
ought to have premium"
THE following stanza on the marriage
of Reuben Wise with Matilda Cheevis, is
exceedingly we'll told and witty =
AT length she seized the profTer'd prize,
a happy one, believe u.s.
For matrimony made her Wise
Before she was Miss Cheeyis.
A MAN advertiSes in the New Ro-
chelle Pioneer that whereas certain girl
had agreed to marry him, but now keeps
out of his sight and avoids him, there
fore, if she does not come to his cabin
within four days, he shall consider the
bargain broke" and hold her for all
damages.
"CAN you tell me where Mr.. Smith
lives, mister?"
Smith-Smi.h-what Smith there
are a good many of that name about in
these parts; my name is Smith"
Why, don't know his tothcr name
but he's sour, cross and grabbed sort
of fellow, and they call him Crab Smith. ="
Oh, 'spose I'm the man !"
AN old Yankee, when told by an Eng
lish tourist in this country, that the cele-
bration of the Fourth of July would be
extinct, replied
See here, stranger, don't talk that
way. | tell you, when the resurrection
day comes round, the first thing done in
the morning will be to read the Declara-
tion of Independence"
First class Oriental philosophy viii
stand up. Tibbetts, what is life?"
"Life consists of money, horse, and
fashionable wife"
"Good. Next. What is death?"
"a paymaster who settles everybody's
debts and gives them tomb-stones as re-
eeipts in full of all demands"
What is poverty ?"
"The reward of merit genius generally
receives from discriminating public"
What is fame? ?"
A six line puff in a newspaper while
living, and your fortune to enemies when
dead"