The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1864-08-03
THE TAXES OF SOCIETY.

Society commences TO tax us at q very early
age. II confines the baby's limbo and decks
It's uncomfortable little neck with laces, while
| IL mashes pancake of ribbons on its head.
1t stops the romps of boys and girls; flr so
| ciety has delicate nerves, and romping Is
vulgar II turns out the toes Of youth, and
makes It stand straight and sit upright and
talk low and refuse a second plate Of
soup and more of the pudding
With grown folks it buttonholes a man.
who Is obliged to listen smilingly, when he
would prefer to knock his captor down, and
go off to attend TO business Ofimportance. II
makes people visit at the houses of people
whom they do not wish to see. 1t pinches a
mans feet in boots that become tighter in
hot rooms. 1t makes HIM swolter in dress
coat, when he would prefer to be in his
shirt-sleeves. 1t keeps him out of the bed to
which he should have retired hours ago. 1t
takes people to weddings where they do not
want to go, and where they are not wanted !;
and they catch their death-a cold at funerals
of individuals whom they scarcely ever
saw. 1t obliges people to give enter
tainments which they do not enjoy, merely
because others gave parties which they
did not enjoy. 1t sends them to watering
places or mountains, because other people go
there. 1t makes them spend money, when
prudence would tell them TO economize. 1t
makes them contribute what they have no
| right to give, because they are ashamed to re-
fuse. 1t gets them into difficulties, because
friends have behaved like fools. It wants to
know about other peoples grandmothers, and
to feel quite sure that they had grandtathers.
Besides all this, society prescrbes how
people shall cut their hair, tie their necker.
chiefs, put on their hats; and, from head to
toot II makes them dress to suit itself with
out ever taking more trouble than to say-what
is CONNIE IL tdut. In fine, society taxes people
in almost every way or, if they demur it dis
owns them. But 1t should not be ungratefully
forgotten that, in recompense for yielding to
its behests, it lends us its countenance.
1t seems, however, that society is never
satisfied with the number or variety of its
taxes. One Of the latest, which 1t has in
creased to so great degree that 1t is equlva-
lent TO a new one, is that Of wedding presents.
The day was when wedding present meant
that the donor gave it spontaneously. Now,
it means nothing Of the kind 1t is expected
in a word, 1t is a tax. And very great tax
it was becoming, when some ingenious indi-
vidual hit upon an expedient for tightening
the burden. He doubtless considered that
as young married people were generally
going to housekeeping, they would need bread
and butter. Therefore, what could be more
appropriate than present OF a butter-knile?
Doubtless, he acted upon the happy thought;
and the idea has proved so popular among
the friends of newly married people, that we
have recently heard of one couples receiving
as many as twenty-five butter-knives. This
leads us to suppose that if they use them all
at the same time, they will know which side
their bread is buttered on, even if they did not
know before marriage, as seems likely from
their bad choice of present-giving friends.
We have lately learned that a strong anti
butter-knife party has been organized among
those who have marriage in prospect, and
that there is always to be tacit understand
ing with those invited to be bridesmaids aud
groomsmen that if they cannot afford some
thing better than butter-knives, they must de-
cline TO accept the exalted positions, as per-
sons occupying them are considered to be at
least equivalent to silver teapots.