Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1864-02-11
All Sorts of Paragraphs.

All Softs vi L dIdSFapNS.
= Moving for new trial-Courting Sc
cond wife.
- Why is John Bigger's boy larger than
his father? Because he is a little Bigger
Tobacco of good quality from Maryland
seed has been raised in California.
Over one hundred thousand veterans
have re-enlisted since the first of October
last
- Do one thing at time-thats the rule.
When you have done slandering your neigh
bors, begin to say your prayers.
- If woman has a heart she should new
er suffer it to lie in her bosom as dead CAPT
tal-it ought to circulate and pay interest.
Why is d minister like a locomotive?
Because we have to look out for him when
the bell rings.
An old topper says the two most precious
things now included in hoops are girls and
kegs of whiskey.
Solomon advised the sluggard to go to
the ant In our day, the sluggard has to go
to his uncle"
If brigham Young should lose one of his
sixty wives would he be widower? Not
enough so to hurt much, we should say.
-Thalberg, during the years 1862 and
1868, made by giving concerts no less than
sixty thousand dollars.
A young gentleman says he thinks that
young ladies who refuse good offers of mar
riage are too "No-ing by half"
In the march of life don't heed the order
of g right about ;" when you know you are
about right
Some say that the formation of the In
valid Corps it without warrant of law. If it
is not Illegal, how can it be invalid?
Mrs. Partington- wants to know why cap
tains don't have their ships properly nailed in
port, instead OF waiting to tack them at sea-
"A philosopher, who married vulgar but
amiable girl used to call his wife brown SUI
gar, because, he said, she was sweet but UNI
refined
=" Mr.. Smithers, how can you sleep so?
The sun has been up for two hours" "Well,
what if he has? (hiccup) He goes to bed at
dark, while Pm on a bender till midnight.
"A married monster said that he lately
dreamed that he had an angel by his side, but
upon waking up found that it was nothing but
his wife.
An ED bachelor being told that young
man of his acquaintance had just got mar
ried ALAS! !" said he, "what pity it is
one should come to misfortune so young !"
An old bachelor says he received bas-
bet of peaches this summer that looked as
though pretty girls had watched their growth
and tinted them with their bushes
Three men went into two of the boilers
of the Ravine Coal Company at Pittston, Pa,
TO clean them While they were in, some
one accidentally turned the hot water into the
boilers and scalded them to death.
There is a dentist in Russia, who gets his
patients to pronounce his name, which in
simultaneously drows out the tooth that at-
ficts, carrying along with it one or two
others.
-" Six feet in his boots y exclaimed Mrs
Darlington. "What will the Importance of
this world come to, | wonder? Why they
might as well tell me that he had six heads i
his hat"
Swift said that the reason a certain Uni
versity was a learned place, was, that most
persons took some learning there, and few
brought any away with them, so 1t accumu-
lated.
&c Has your son Timothy failed ~ inquir-
ed Gubbens of Stubbens the other day.
ooh, not ALL he has only assigned over his
property, and fallen back to take better posi-
ton" was the reply.
"A lecturer was dilating upon the power
of the magnet defying any one to show or
name anything surprising it. A nearer de-
INJURED and instaneed young lady, who used
| to draw him thirteen miles every Sunday.
| - What is fame to a heart yearning for
affection and finding it not? 1t is like the
victor's wreath to him who is parched with
fever, and longing for one cooling draught-
the cup of cold water.
A genius in New Bedford is fitting up a
steamer for the purpose of towing icebergs to
India, where they sell for six cents per pound.
| Another proposes to do still better-to fit a
screw in the iceberg ITSELF and thus avoid
the expense of ship building.
1t is said that there are people in the
| Mountain District" of Kentucky so green,
| that they followed a wagon that happened to
pass that way, twenty miles, "just to see
whether the hind wheels would overtake the
| fore ones"
A sixty-nine FOUNDER shell burst near
an Irishman in one of the trenches. Pat
coolly surveyed the ruins the fragment had
made, and exclaimed, Be ijabers thims the
fellows to soften the wax in mans earl
A correspondent tells of soldier wound
| ed by shell at Fort Wagner. He was going
to the rear with multilated arm.
"Wounded by shell ?" he was asked
! eyes," he coolly answered, /" l was right
under the darned thing when the bottom
dropped out"
A rich merchant named Hogg once re
quested a person to bring him load of corr
in stated time, which he failed to do anC
brought it the day after the one proposed
The merchant refused it. Well" replied
: the wagner, "you are the only Hogg eve