The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1864-01-07
A backward Cow Ride.


During the Revolutionary War,
when a corps Of the American
army was encamped near the bor-
ough Of Eligabeth-town, New Jer.
sey, All officer, who by the way, was
more of a devotee of Venus than Of
Mars, paid his addresses to a lady
of distinction, whom he was in the
habit of visiting nightly. On a dis.
covery ofthe repeated absenceofthe
officer, and Of the place where in
terviews with his Dulcinea we're
had, some waggish friends resolv-
cd to play off handsome trick at
his expense, which should deter
him from repetition of his visits.
The officer it appears, rode a
very small horse OF the pony kind,
which he left united with the
bride reias over his neck, near the
door, in order to mount and ride
off without delay, when the busi-
ness of courting and kissing was
over, and the horse always re-
mained until backed by the owner,
without attempting to change his
position. On certain dark and
gloomy night, when the officer had,
as usual, gone to pay his devotions
to the object of his dearest affec-
tions, and was enjoying the ap-
proving smiles of the lovely fair
one, his waggish companions went
privately to the door of the house
where the officer was, took his sad
die and bride from the horse,
which they sent away, placed the
bride on the tail and the saddle on
the back, aud crupper over the
horns of a quiet old COW, who stood
peacefully chewing her cud, near
the spot. Immediately thereafter
they retire some distance from the
house, and separating, raised the
loud cry of alarm, that tue enemy
had landed and were marching in
to the village.
Our hero, on hearing this, took
council from his fears, ami snatch
i ing a hasty kiss, he shot out of the
door with the velocity ofa musket
ball, and mounted into the saddle,
with his back toward the head OF
the COW, and plunging his sharp
spurs keenly into her sides, caused
her to bawl out with excessive pain
and she darted in her best gallop
towards the camp, The officer
still plying his spurs with all his
wine on board-fnding himself
hurried rapidly backwards, maugre
OF all his efforts to advance, and
hearing the repeated Rawlings OF
the tortured beast, imagined that
he was carried off by magic, and
roaring out most Justify that the
devil had got him-was thus car
ried into tie very centre OF tho
camp.
The scn'incls hearing the noise,
discharged their pieces and fled,
and alarm guns wero tired-the
drums beat to arms, the ofiicels
left their quarters. AMI cried "turn
out" with all the strength Of their
lungs. The soldiers started from
their sleep as ifa ghost had dis.
turbed their dreams, and the whole
body running half naked as quick
as possible in gallant diSha6tile,
prepared TO repel the terrible irva-
der. When 10! the ludicrous sight
soon presented itself TO their eyes,
OF the gallant officer, mounted on
a COW, with his face toward her
tail-her tongue hanging out-her
sides CORY with the gouging of the
81 urs, and he himself almost de-
priYcd of reason, and half petri-
fed with horror.
A loud roar of laguhtcr burst
from the assembled band. at the
ride and his steed; the whole corps
gave him three times three cheers
as he bolted into camp.
lie was carried to his quarters
in triumph, there to dream of low
ers, metamorphoses, backward
rides, sternway advances, and
alarm of invasion, and thereby
garnish his mind with materials
for writing a splendid treatise on
the novel advantnra of cow ride.