Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1864-08-18

come and look at Parsley, and Judge for nay
self9
Certainly
Whereupon Mr. Gubbins led the way to
the parlor, threw open the door and pointed
to little old man sitting smiling in an imbe-
Gle manner, in an armchair three sizes too
large for him.
"There, sir; how will that suit your fancy
for bald-headed, bandy-legged, broken-down
old 'unG"
And Mr.. Gubbins went up and patted old
Parsley on the head, and turned him about to
show his points, as if he had been a superan-
nuated horse.
l was bound to admit that Parsley seemed
old enough at any rate, and that his physical
dllapidation was all that could reasonably be
desired in such case.
burst of cheering outside announced the
arrival of Barrowfeld; and was invited to
go and take look at the opposition. Over
powered by his exertions in walking from his
committee-room at the Plough Exactly op-
posite), Barrowfeld was sitting down to rest
on the horseback, surrounded by his parti-
sans. His gray hairs, his feebleness, and his
gasps for breath seemed to be regarded as
an expression of his claims to the suffrage of
the electors; for the more Barrowfeld tried
to get his breath and couldn't, the louder his
partisans cheered as much as to say,
There's infrmity for you match that if
you can!"
Mr.. hobbs, the butcher, appeared to be
Barrowfeld's principal supporter. Finding
that the boys were getting too much to the
front, as they always do on occasions of pop
ular excitement Mr.. hobbs rushed in among
them, and Whisked them away like flies from
a sugar cask the sugar-cask on this occasion
being Barrowfeld. After walking round
Barrowfeld and surveying him at all points,
Mr. hobbs seemed to be satisfied that his can
didate was fully up to the mark. Suddenly,
however, he perceived that the candidate
held something grasped tightly in his right
hand.
In the hearing Of Mrs. Donovan, from the
coal and potatoe depot, Mr.. NoDbs wondered
what Burrowfeld had got there
ooh, nothin' at all, said that lady; "only
penny gave the poor old soul, in case he
shouldn't get the Annuity"
Mr. hobbs was furious. He turned fierce
ly upon Mrs. Donovan, and demanded to know
if she wished to ruin the old man and then
rushing up to Barrowfeld, whispered in his
ear:
Hide it; put it away; if they see you
with SO much money about you, they'll go
and vote for Parsley" Barrowfeld not be-
ing able to find his pocket, Mr.. hobbs took
| possession of his penny and hid it for him.
Mr.. Gubbins came up to announce that the
hour appointed for the election was approach
| ing: Mr.. hobbs had better bring his candi-
| date in doors
This was easier said than done; for Bar
rowfeld, when he sat down on the horse
block, had, as regards his personal proper
ties and effects, Gncluding his two walking
sticks, his had, his cket-handkerchief, and
his spectacles,) fallen to pieces like a ruin.
! Mr. hobbs proceeded, on architectural prin-
c!ples, to reconstruct him. He put a stick
into each hand, placed his spectacles on his
nose, subsequently to wiping that organ with
the notwithstanding and finally rooted
him in with his hat. The completion Of the
edifce was hailed with loud applause, which
however proved to be premature for at that
| moment Barrowfeld suddenly missing his
penny, made a spasmodic effort to search for
it i'll his waistcoat pocket and Immediately
| fell to pieces again.
The hopeless tone in which Mr. hobbs
said, there now" clearly indicated that he
was coming round to the conviction that it
was high time Barrowfeld were condemned
and disposed of in lots. Mr.. hobbs, howev-
er, though a butcher, was also a philosopher
aud, cOnsoling himself with the reflection
that Rome was not built in a day, he pro-
Ceeded to reconstruct Barrowfeld on an i'm
proved plan. This time his efforts were
crowned with complete success and by a
careful system of combined traction and pro-
pulsion, aided by the judicious application of
lateral supports, Barrowheld was transferred
TO the bar of the Swan, and was with difficult
| ty prOppedu up in a corner of the Jug and bot
tie department.
Mr.. hobbs demanded pot of porter, with
an air of fatigue which might have been tax
| 41n
upon discovering the source of the Nile.
Well, here's luck, old boy, and l wish
you may get it," This was Mr.. Nobbs's ad-
dress to Barrowfeld previous to drinking.
After parenthesis of occupation with the
pewter, he continued with an appeal to the
electors " Oughtnt he, now?"
Although pledged to Parsley-which, I'M
der sense Of Barrowfelds superior qualif-
cations was beginning to regret-1 ventur-
ed to say that Barrowfeld seemed worthy
object.
A worthy objectr" said Mr.. Nobbs; &C
should just think he was a object. Look at
him! He's as old as Methusela, as poor as
Job, and as weak as-as-" failing another
scriptural illustration, Mr.. hobbs fell back
upon-"a rat"
As if to bear out Mr. Nobbs's words, blue
bottle, which had been buzzing about for
some time, settled upon Barrowfeld's nose,
causing him to let 60 his hold upon his right
hand walking stick, the immediate result of
which was, that the edifce which had been
so carefully erected assumed the attitude of
the tower of Pisa. Barrowfeld would as
suredly have become a total ruin had not Mr..
Nobbs promptly rushed to the rescue and
shored him up.
Mr. Gubbins, who had hitherto been oceu-
pied in serving his customers, here protested
against the attempts of Mr.. hobbs to infu-
ence the electors in an unfair manner in ia
vor of his own man.
What did Mr.. Gubbins mean by an unfair
manner, Mr. hobbs would like to know Mr.
hobbs meant to say that such language was
not parliamentary.
Parliamentary be bowed Mr.. Gubbns
meant to say that it was only fair that the
electors should see both candidates before
they pledged themselves. Hodi altere7e party
was Mr.. Gubbins' motto.
Every we'll, them" said Mr.. Nobbs; "trot
out your dltereaa party."
After some high words it was agreed that
Barrowfeld should be set down in the chair
in the parlor beside Parsley; and that the
electors should go il and Judge for them
selves. Mr.. hobbs accordingly removed Mr.
Barrowfeld to the parlor, and placing him in
chair opposite Parsley, furnished him with
glass OF grandmother to keep his spirits
up. Mr.. Gubbins, not to be outdone in that
respect, Immediately provided Mr. Parsley
with glass of hot rum, which was liquor a
cut above gin at any rate. The two collects"
were now left alone together, and on motion
of Mr.. Gubbins, who, though philanthropy
ist, was also man of business, the electors
returned to fortify themselves with refresh
ments previous to entering upon the arduous
and inyidious duties. Under the influence of
refreshments Mr.. hobbs, though still maintain