American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-02-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

A MORAL INSTRUMENTAL upright
piano.
THE beautiful tresses of young ladies'
are beau-strings.
THE highest premium for meanness has
been awarded to the anonymous letter.
PUNCH teaches bookkeeping in three
words" Never lend them"
PRIDE breakfasted with Plenty, dined
with Poverty, and supped with Infamy
PROSPERITY is no just scale; adversity
is the only balance to weigh friends.
SAM, why am de hogs the most intelli-
gent folks in de world Because dey
nose eberyting.
To preventive kitchen door from creak-
ing get servant girl whose beau comes
to the house to see her.
"THE eyes of your beloved, after she
has been crying" Punch calls i" ornamen-
tai fret-work."
A KISS, says an ingenious authority, is
like the creation, because it is made of
nothing, and is very good.
THE ancient Greeks buried their dead
in jars. Hence the origin of the express
sion-He's gone to pot"
"No pains will be spared" as the quack
said when saving off poor fellows leg to
cure him of the rheumatism.
WHY is a child year old like sugar
bowl? Give it up? Because it's a teeth
ing (tea-thing.)
YOUNG MEN who stand around church
doors to watch young ladies as the con-
gregation is going out, are called the
DEVILS pickets."
How many deaths ?" asked the hos
pital physician. Nine" "Why, 1 or
dered medicine for ten" Yes, but one
would not take it,"
"I THINK our church will last good
many years yet" said waggish deacon
to his minister; " l see the sleepers are
very sound"
ALL personal antagonists are Internal.
Hence he who cherishes hatred against
his fellow-man shows that he himself is a
bad man.
A FRENCH wit said of a man who was
exceedingly fat, that nature only made
him to show how the human skin would
stretch without breaking.
ONE of Walkers men, who had Cos
ia Rican bayonet at his breast, refused to
ask for mercy because an American can't
take Spanish quarters now.
Mrs. PARTINGToN says that because
dancing girls are stars, it is no reason why
they should be regarded as heavenly bo-
dies.
REMEMBER that every person, howev-
er low, has rights and feelings. In all
contentious let peace be rather your OBJ
ject than triumph. Value triumph only
as the means of peace.
THE following question is now before
the Sand Lake Debating Society:
(Which is a bad man least fitted for
to live or die ?"
We shall issue the verdict in an extra
A LADY said to a servant the other day
at dinner, ego down cellar and bring uI
the bread that lies on the shelf there.
1t won't do no good, ma'am," was the
reply, "for the bread ON that shelf down
celler is up here in this cupboard, ma'am. .
A coUNTRYMAN walking along the
streets of New York, found his progress
stopped by a barricade of lumber.
"What is that for?" said he to per
son in the street.
"Oh, that's to stop the yellow fever"
"Aye, have often heard of the boart
of health, but never saw one before"
A BosToN correspondent tells us of
homestick conscript on the Rapidan. A
lieutenant found him solitary and alone
weeping like big BOBBY boy.
| "What's the matter ?"
| "Oh, I wish I was in my fathers barn.
And what would you do thereY"
81 wonld go into the house plagu..
quick /" said the poor fellow, boo-hooinl
again at the rate Of 2:40 minute.