The Idaho world. [volume] (Idaho City, Idaho Territory) 1864-1918, 1864-11-12

| lide COON you don't act like coon, and Pll
be darned eff you SMELL like coon.P
Now says |, You may be Dimmocrat,
but you don't look like one, nor act like one,
nor smell like one, an I'll be darned eff be-
lieye you are one.'
TIRE MAJOR ON EDUCATED FOOLS.
The Major becomes quite personal to Sem
ator Sumner, as the following extract from
one of his letters shows:
The next day after the message was sor4
! in. Sumner said the Message warnt eyoc,1v
/ ora mmatiKa1 ia att its. parts. telled him
! I Guessed eff he had to work around sbor,
corners ass the Kernel did, without pettin
ltripped up, he would find it nifty hard work
to git everything jest according to grammar
l telled him that grammar warnt of any ac-
count while the rebellion lasted-that, like
the Constitushin, the grammar was suspend
ed, or locked up where habeas corpus couldn't
get at it. In fact ses I, 'Mr. Sumnure, l
think that eny man who talks about its bein
nessary to obsarve the laws of grammer, or
eny other laws, wen nashun is in a deth
struggle with traiturs, is disloyal person,
and ought to be sent to Fort Lafett.' Wen
sed this, Sumnure turned all sorts Of colors,
and ses he. Wal, MAJOR, mebby your right
about grammar; but | think you ought to
spell the Presidents name rite in your letters.
Its disrespect to the Cheef MAGISTRATE not
to do it, Wall ses /, MI. Sumnure, I've
got my, own idees on spelin. Spellin is a
good deal like sparkin the gals-its jestas
feller takes noshin. My dee is, eff spell
a word so as to git its sound rite, an don't
keer what you say, its the only rule ofspellin
that holds good in the long run. Now ses /,
',.et L-i-u-k-i-n don't spell Linkin, what on
earth does it spellP That seemed to stump
him. But says he, Major, there's some
general rules that orter to be obsarved, rules
that the shoots all use' WAL ses |, don't
know much about schools, an | guess the
Kernel don't either. went to school six
weeks, an the Kernel seS be went six months.
zehool larnin is nifty poor truck to put in
mans head onless he's got good deal of
brains there. There are more edicated fools
in the world now thau there are of eny other
kind. and there's great many of them, Lord
knows. And ses |, its those edicated fools
that makes all the trubbil''
THE STORY OF THE QUAKER's DOG.
In the following story the Major cuts up his
friend Lincoln rather Severely, but as the
latter loves jokes, no matter who they hit, he
does not get offended at it.:
WAL ses I, Kernel, perhaps your are like
the old Quaker's dog. Ses he, 'How was
that, Major? WAL ses |, III tell you the
story. Up in Maine, not tar from Downing
Vile, there used to live an old Quaker named
Hezekiah Peabody. He had yaller dog that
allus lounged around the house. One day
G. TT. IL, Ill g. L.,
au ses he, | want dog to hunt foxes. Do
you think your dog is good for foxes2 Now
ses the Quaker, neighbor Solomon, | never
tried the dog on foxes, for the huatin of eny
animals is not nay business but if thee |
wishes q dog for foxes accordin to the Scrip !
ters, this dog must be good dog for foxes.
Z Wal, will you warrant him a good dog for
foxesp s / cannot do that, neighbor Solo,
mon, for never tried him on foxes; but ac-
cordin to the Scripters, thee can be sure the |
dog is good for foxes So old Sol, thinkin
that Scripter proof must be good, give the /
Quaker five dollars for the dog. lie took the
dog home, and the next day he saw fox
runniu across one of his lots. So he called
the dog and showed him the fox, but he |
wouldn't stir an inch after MIN. This made
old Sol terribul mad, an the next day he took /
the dog back to the Quaker, and ses he, in /
this rough way: Mr.. Peabody, this dog isn't
worth dam ? Tut, tut, neighbor Solomon,
thee shouldn't speak profanely with thy lips
That may be- says old Sol, but didn't you
tell me that this dog was good for foxes ?'-l
No, neighbor Solomon, think not. l said
accordin to Scripters he must be good for
foxes WAL ses old Sol, how do you make
that out? Wal, neighbor, the Scripters
say that there is nothln made in vain, an as
had tried that dog on everything else except
for fox huntin, thought that must be what
he was good for 7 Now, ses I, Kernel, !
hope itwon't turn out that you are like the
old Quaker's dog, made in vain, or, as old Sol
Hopkins expressed it, not worth dam but
ses I, eff you don't restore this Union before
your term expires, the people will think you
are good deal worse than the Quaker's dog,
for if he warn't good for enything he didn't
do eny particular HARM sasl
The Kernel didn't seem to like this story
mnch, for, ses he, 'Majer, l think you are
gettin kinder PERSONAL Ses |. mo, Kernel
don't mean to be, but you know stories
sometimes will fit closer than you think for
when you begin to tell en-
ABOUT SAM oDUM.
One of the best hits the Major makes is
when the Lincoln asks him his opinion on
the success of the war. He says:
After they had all got thru, Linkin turned
n mo on ene he Major what do YOU think