The Elk advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Elk Co., Pa.) 186?-1868, 1864-11-19
s. g q a p e.
RTWhat three vowels spell enc Of
the United States? IOA.


0>rWhtn is horse not horse
When it is turned into a stable.
1ay- An acceptance at sight receiving
black eye. .-r
eD-A nice thing in bonnets-The
wearer's face.
RI~ Every man is involuntarily origi,
nal in at least one thiug-his manner Of
sneezing.
ma Why must a shoemaker finish
his shoe at the beginning? Because
he commences at the last.
GfD"A young lady should take heed
when an admirer bends low before her
The bent beau is dangerous.
Bss. A young man who has recently
taken a wife, says he did not find it hale
so hard to get married as to get furui,
ture.
F Horace Walpole tells a story Of
the hoId Mayor Of Lpulon, in his time.
who, having heard that friend had the
smallpox twice, and died of it, inquired
If he died the first time or second.
EJ3@A cotemporarv finds fault with
the practice Of putting Latin inscriptions
on tombstoues. But what more appro,
priate place than grave yard can there
be for IA DEAD language?
Ha- friend said to an yrishman -
"Good morning, Patrick this slippery
this morning" slippery? aud be
jabers, it is nothing else, yer honor,
Upon nay word and | slid down three
times without getting up once d"
H@- An exchange, commenting on the
fac: that a number of the Cincinnati
young ladies' had been married & carried
away to other places. says no city has a
better claim to supply SPARE RIBS for
the immense West.
rA~ On, pappa, DR.. Marsh had such
twolk to pull mo-her's tooth - Had
he, my son :" YET; 1 saw him first
try with his pnchers, and then he put
his mouth right close to mothers aod
| pulle1 II CU with ms teeLn'
pFn-The following dialogue between
hostile pickets ia decidedly good -
Yank-"You fellers are awful ragged,
but sweow you fight like all git cout."
Re -" Ragged ! fight! l reckon va
do. But You Just wait till we get ma.
ked-that's all"
| HeaYT0 disceive mosqnitoes.-EDter
your room in the dark quietly, fix pill
! low under the sheet representing per-
son in bed. fix the musquito bars snugly
AROUND 50 as to prevent their entrance,
undress and get under the bed, and you
will have a good sleep
nA-"How far is it to Taunton ?" as.
ked "A cOuntryman, who was walking the
wrong wav TO ca n that town. Bout
twenty four thousand nine hundred and
ninety nine miles, said the lad be as
ked, "if you 90 the way you are going
now; bouta mile if you turn round and
going t'other cay"
Ra~fWhy does the operation IF hang,
ing kill man p inquired Dr, Whately.
\ Psychologist replied, because inspi.
ration is checked. circulation stopped,
anil blood conflses and congests the
brain " "Bosh," replied his Grace, "it
is because the rope is not long enough
to let his feet touch the ground"
MA-"T was never on intimate terms
with the prisoner" said burgler who
was use aS Queens evidence against
! prl" "iIe was no gentleman. I've
Enrwn him when he was robbing house
- lr'uk n g'ntrmau's champagne and
! =" IF with his silver, without leaving a
c,rd If thanks on the dining.room table,
lie b. b'ought discredit on the perfesh
un'
EO-A young minister. in a highly
elablrato sermon which he preached
said several times. The commenta.
tnr- did not agree with me here" Next
morning a npOr wDmm came to zee him
With something in her anron. She said
, her Husband heard his sermon, anC
thought it was = very fine one aui as
he sail The commentators did not agree
, with him." he sent HIN some of the verl
best kidneys.
, HG1- An Irishman went into the gro
cerv store of Mr.. C. and afe
looking around, remarked thar he wan
tel something he harlly knew what, bu
=. believed he would hlve some cracker
They we're done up, he took them, held
:, them a minute and then said:
"COme to think, | am more dry thar
! hungry, and would like it if you woulC
take the crackers back, and let me hay
.. bottle of beer"
. The exchange was made, and Padi
started. when Mr. G. called hin
i buck. telling him he had not paid 70
= the beer.
y, "Why, yes, =" retorted Paddy, II CAV,
, you the crackers for the beer"
n But you have not paid for the crack
" erS.
EWoll - coil bo aand bouauIt ,,o,