Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1864-05-14
SATURDAY MORNING, NAY IA, 1864.
OLD SERIES, VOL. "a, NO. "a
in the whole vegetable empire equal to to-

in the whole vegetable empire equal to to-
matoes."
"No doubt madam, they are very fine :;
| and Singleton essayed a second spoonful.
| The second dose had well nigh been too
| much for him, and with desperate resolve
he watched until the whole company were
engaged in drinking toast, when he tilted
| the preserve dish and let its contents run
into the napkin, which receptacle he Whit
fed into his pocket without delay, and inn
mediatcly felt easier \ moment after Judge
| Flanders proposed Il sentiment:
MAY he always retair. the title of honor
able, but may he soon resign his seat to be
called single. 1t IS not good for man TO bc
aloncn
The sentiment was drank with applause,
Singleton, blushing red at the insinuatIon
conveyed by the words of the Judge, thrust
his hand in his pocket for his handkerchief,
when instead out came napkin, tomato
and all. Moppng his forehead vigorously
with it, and the luscious vegetable formed
an unctuous poulticc thereon completely
| tlansfguring his countcnanCe. Blinded with
the juice, and half dead with modification,
lie thrust the napkin back into his pocket
and secured the handkerchief, while the
astonished company behcld him in silent
amaZcmcnt
"Does your nose bleed, sir ~ inquired
Mrs. Grubbins, quite audibly.
"What the goodness is the matter ~
screamed Judge Flanders.
"Ahom only slight cold, thank you sir,
stammered Mr. Singleton.
"A cold is it. Faith now, an yer honor's
nose must be after turning itself in ont
thin :" exclaimed Mr.. O'Toolc, the Irish ora
! tor.
Lucy Dean was laughing Flambcaux
was Mortified: Mrs. Grubbins looked shock
ed our frcLd Singleton was nearly sutlo-
eating with shame. Leaning back in his
chair to recover his breath, and as soon as
he could speak begged to be excused II mo-
mcnt as lie did not feel quite well. And
forthwith he arose and made for the door :;
but-horror of horrors he had set on the
pocket containing the napkin of tomat oes
and his white pantaloons were dripping red
with the sanguiary vegetable!
4 simultaneous shrek burst from all as
semblcd.
Good gracious, Mr. Singleton is wound
ed, Murder Murder! Call physician !
Seize the murderer Send for DR.. Spilpow
der :. Quick-hc'il bleed to death Murder .
Murder!
The infuriatcd audience rushed hithcr and
thither, and some one encountering John,
the waiter, with a carving knife IN his hand
took him for the perpctrator of the crime
and seized upon him without delay. John
struggled and sworc, and laid about him
with right good will, but he was overp0w-
cred by numbers and at last obliged to
yield. There was II regular fight, and black
eyes, and sweled noses. added largely to
the beauty of the scene. The ladies fled to
the antc-room Judge Flanders ran for u
surgeon, and during the melee Singleton
made his escape. No grass grew beneath
his feet as he speed for home, but the night
being dark, and he being slightly fustered
he unfortunately mistook the house, and
entered, not his own residence, but that
of an old spinster named Mary Willis. The
houses were somewhat similar. and Single
ton, without pausing for light, rushed up
stairs and into his own chamber as he
thought, and where brcathless and exaus-
ted he flung himself upon the bed
Mary had retired some time previous and
the sudden advent of Mr.. Singleton aroused
her from sound sumber. Springing from
the bed, regardless of the fact that her teeth
were out and her natural" Curls reposing
in the bureau drawer she fled to the house
OF her nearest neIghbors, and securing as
sistance returned to meet the Mortified Sing
Teton just emerging from the door.
Poor Singleton tried to explain, but Miss
Willis would listen to nothing; her rcpu-
tation was ruined she said, and Singleton
must either settle or marry her fifty dol
lar bill was given freely; mcnding the bro
ken character and learned Singleton never
to go to bed in the dark.
The affair at the Whitestown Hotel was
rather serious one. The orator O'Toole
had his nose broken; DR.. Spillpowder broke
his horses wind to get there before he should
bleed to death; John the waiter, broke the
heads of half dozen gentlemen who AS
sisted in his capture; and Judge Flanders
broke all the buttons off his Wristbands run
ming after the surgeon and shouting murder
Mr. Singleton is yet unmarried, as sne II
fellow as You could yish; and if you want
to see blushiag, just mention tomato sauce
to him.