The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1864-04-16

last year, With thar hands full at the same time ~
war with them ADVANTAGEOUS Rebels deown south al
that ar Alabami that them Liverpool chaps fitted out.
Now yu see them anne folks every one on em hav
givin from one cent up to $1,000 each; konsekently
they hay an intrest in this kuntry that isn't all tork,
and Bill Seward nos it.
But Nv Slid off the track q little from admirin my
new friend L. b: The way he lays the soft sawder on
tn his Bishop. that he thinks the King on zht tn take
care NV, cos he's left his own kuntry an that Trainin
School at a big sacrifice TO cum out here an take care.
of this one, Gest a. though King Kamehameha and
his kuntry didn't no how tn 20 it alone) is q lesson
to the shOotin idees Of yung Hawaii that I reckin
they'll profit by. Then the brass tn, that I in mi
brisk and palmy days couldn't hav beat, so my old
woman said, an she nos, that sets L. B. up to insin-
uate to the King, who has lived more yeres in the
kuntry than L. b. has days. that that stock in trade
NV his, is jest about the incest, purtiest and best kali
kilated for the wants of His Hawaiian family that
was ever co. up, in this or any other kuntry.
If I'd haI j. b. fur q partner, wen 1 was a ped
din among the Bluenoses, we'd a made our tarnal
fortins amongst EN- unser6sterkated people, fur he
kant be beat in soft sawder and the other thing.
Then that - stalk that l.. BIS. q goin tn driv in the
kuntry. l like that, fur Nv seen 80 many yung
fellars a pullin up thar stalks an leavin, that il dus
me good 10 larn that a yung man as nos so much
about wots best fur the kuntry and people, though
lie 6luI Dn ncI u n cth III " I'LL that ann dieeEu
tn show il all out in the newspapers, is a goin tn hav
q stalk in the kuntry; and then how cute tu he shows
himself in pitchin upon His Lord Bishop fur a top
maui to give his stalk the furst start in tn the
ground: Wen SIGH q smart yung fellar as that sails
he's agoin to have a q staik in the kuniry," l hope
he'll driv it in 50 solid that the kuntry, wen she gifts
pilIerkeer, ken hang on tn it an feel safe.
Then the way he pitches in tn everybody in giReral
and the Britishers as he calls EN-, in p~ertickler, fur
not mindin thar own bizness, tickled mi old woman
nightly, fur her crate CRATE. L don't know how
many times. grandfather was one of thos fOrtinit
individuals that had tn leav England (and start the
nation agoin, that now ellis this ere harbor with its
ships and gives the highest kind of a market fur our
produce, tn say nothin Nv the dollars that their soft
harted children keep a chuckin this way to bring
Hawaii higher heaven cos he had an opinion NV
his own that didn't agree with the old hlghfalutin
ones, which you kin see most any day at the old
Methodist Meetin House, on Kukui street. Mi old
woman sails, that nobody but natera! born tin ped
dlers like L. B. an l could ever hav soft sawdered
ourselves in tn SIGH a nice claim as L.. BIS already
got staiked off; but keep yure weather eye open,
L. b, and don't let any Nv them fellars who purtend
to know sumihin about the kuntry an people, becaus
the've bin here a dozen or so yeres an hav got q
dozen or so babies, jump that claim-stand by, l.. b.,
wen that Legislator meets, slap on the soap and soft
sawder, yu an L know so well how to use in wardin
off the danger of lettin EN- g freeze you out"
L 3. sails he's rit fur a paper. Now, take mi adj
vice, L. B., an keep it up, Z" go il while yure yung,"
mi friend, cos wen yure bin here fur a yere or two
yu'll begin tn think yu don't know so much abeout
the kuntry as yu did wen yu furst rit; keep it up,
good riters are scarce in thes parts, an the kuntry
needs yure pekuliar talent.
L like the rambunktious way tn, that L. u. pitched in tn that
luther paper on moral grounds. He calls il an evil. So it is,
l.. H., but like the kanakas it's a kinder necessary evil to this
kuniry,-but never you mind, L. b., you jest put yure foot slap
down on all sorts Of evils no matter weather its ri in Hawaiian
or any other lingo yu don't no nothin about.
Now as L. BIS so crack shure that his friend the Bishop is tn
be Boss Trainer in that ar EdikatIn Department, 1 hope he'll
speak a good word fur mi darter Polly (who bi the way, wud
NV how To set the yung iiees a spinnin, an though perhaps L.
b. nor his friend may not think it any qualifcation0 she talks
Hawaiian like 4 material.
In closin mi furst epistle fur the good Of this kuntry intu
Il. that he'll alters find me redy to back up aDythin that he
thinks is good for il, pertikeTly wen it's tn urge the King tn
make an appointment that1 set the people hi the ears, fur mi eX-
perience has shown me that thars nothin like a n~ock-down,
clean out fight between all parties to settle things an bring mat
tiers l. a clear understanding, accordiR tn the :" Trainin Schools'
think they can be the sort that his friend bosst, cos, if they wur,
King wouldn't have licked Heenan, yu no But raaly l.. b.,
wot sort nv Z" trainin school" was that ar one yu tell abeoul,
But Mr.. Editur yure paper aint big enuf tn hold all mi admi-
think as he dos, that =" Nv alredy sed sufficient" only va jes
tell him tn stick tn that pinion Nv his, that " the majority Nv
the Britishers" think jes like him about that appointment. Tell
him tn take no motifs NV the fact. that nineteenth entieths nv
the TURNER'S here amt Brtishers but only Yankees an Germans
Chat think the other way as they amt with noticin; an the
naytives, they Amt no account, l.. Il. as a free an inltined
Britisher, nos they aint no bizness tn think at aIlin the matter,
wOt consarns only EN- an thar own children, wen thars n man
like l.. Il. in the kuntry that's travelled so much, that ne Amt
afeerd tn think fur EN- an tell EN- wots best, an rite it all in the
noospaper.
An now, Mr.. Editur, permit me to thank yu fur opnin yure
kolums to l.. B. ar with hOpin yu'l keep EN- open till we kin
make him President NV our mutual admiration society, allow
me tn take this opportunity tn renew the assurances Nv high
al distinguished consideration with wich / bav the honor to be
Yure most Obedient sarvant, SAM SLICK.