The evening telegraph. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1864-1918, 1864-08-23
JoTTINGs FROM PUNCH.


Norro ron BRNRoHAM- BRIoHr."
An APPEAL TO BETTING MEN.-Whats the
odds on any horse so long as you are happy
DRAWN GANE.--Portrsit Of Brace Of Par
hidges.
A vlLuAp1E L1rr1E MoRA1.--Let everybody
regard as an enemy the man who is nobody's
enemy but his own.
A QUESTION ron A COMPETITIVE EXANINA-
T1oE.-WhGt do you know OF Henry VIII, and
who told you
MEDICAL ouERY.-when person declares
ahat his "bran is on fire., is it etiquette 70 blow
IL out
FASHIONABLE INrELLlGENcE.-The interest
ing infant daughter Of unlicensed spirit seller,
in the neighborbood Of the Seven Dials, is to be
ehristened Ghny.
CoSrAoIoN on THE RAu.--To the other perils
attendant on railway travelling is now added that
of smallpox. We all Of US occasionally run TO
catch the train; now, il we catch that some Of us
will probably catch something more.
ART GossIP.-Nr. Cook, r. A., on being asked
II he would ever send another nautical piece 20 the
Exhibition, declared that he would not, con-
hrming the announcement Of his determination
with q violent blow on his pant-bOx. IL may bc
said that this artist has struck his color.
.UGLY FoREvER.-All enamels, pigments, and
other preparations of that sort, advertised rs
imparting bloom 10 the complexion, obstruct the
pores OF the skin and i1hame tho visage, pro-
duciDg permanent discolOration and dshgUre-
pent, with sallowness, tan, ireckles, pimples'
. 'IIsrENERs NEVER" ETc.--"A circular back
stairs joining the grand staircase is especially
valuable in enabling you to find your partner N
q crowded assembly; only you may drop on her
suddenly, and hear her mention "that you have
bored her into the next galop, but she will show
you another card when you come, and get out
Of it."
P1rE ALL HANDS Certainly the wants that
one sees advertised grow daily more cXtraordi-
nary. Here for instance is a specimen -
nI.Il IN
Is il the biscuits or the baker that must be
secondhand In either case the quality appears
n little strange TO us. Who on earth can have
taste for buying biscuits second hand, after some
one else has munched them Or, in the other
case, pray what on earth is meant by "secOnd-
hand" baker FOotmen advertise themselves
sometimes as being "single-hauded'' so possibly
the advertiser put in "second-hand' 70 make II
clear he wished the baker TO possess % second
hand, which in any time Of knead would cer-
tainly be useful 10 him.
But, talking about hands, here are some still
more curious manual requirements -
WAErED-An Experienced Skeleton and Demi-ski
HaAdi also Machine Hands also goot Gyer-out.-
Machine hands very possibly are the hands
used by the Spirit-rappers TO be shown a. theiE
seaHees But what a demi-slrrt hand can be we
are puzzled 10 conceive; and still less can we
Imagine an experienced skeleton. Indeed the
latter really is TOO horrible to think Of, and we
therefore beg 20 be excused from taking further
thought about 1t.
TEXTS TRANsFOsED.
Ny DEAN PARENTS AT the rcques. Of ny
precepto-, ] furnish yoa with few specimens o.
my caligraphy, consisting OF moral sentiments
and mAxirss Of my own selection -
ProorastlnRJonl l. the soul q business.
Famiiiaffy dom breed respect.
Virtue ls its own punishment
Vice Is It's own reward.
Diligence insures fatigue.
Application ii painful
Industry commands priy2.i7'.
Caution cy-neH 60 grief
In the pleasing hope that the foregoing eT--
dences of my improved handwriting, and OF ny
moral and intellectual progress, may merit and Be
rewarded with your kind appreciation, r6nlan
ny dear parents, your atiectionate child,
Mentor House Academy. jim.
HowLING GARoTTERs. - As 4 togsct
ruffian were not tolerably competent 10 howl to
himself, the Morning Star helps him with an Gd
ditiolal below. A couple o. s1r0ttmc s,orn
drels came under the cat az Durham the othe
day, ard because the lash was administered i
an ehicacious way, our contemporary raises @
much outcry as ifhe, and no. the cowarlly brute
in question, had " caught H.. What sentiments
nOnsenss next Mr. PGnch abhors and detes
the lash as q punishment rOr the soldier, b.
there is peculiar and special case in which sue
An inhiction Is exactly the thing TO be desire
The villains who, for the sake OF pluuder, max
dastardly attack in the dark, and fell and stu
an honest man, upon whose life and energy d,
pends the well-GOiDg Of family, deserve an
amount of punishment; but the best, BON as cha
tisement and as example, is that which they mo
dread and there Is nothing SO dreaded by the
as ply steal pain.
II seems that these Durham ras'als thoug
soundly logged were castlgated Win ilr Lol
Tenderness than is bestowed on the soldier. Pax
10 protect their upper and lower regions wei
provided. But the lash was admirably veil "a
on, and they howed and shrieked Tremendously
and when something was sad about j IN q
Honse, Sir George Grey replied that all had pes
done in conformity with law, bat tha. r5llI
"h0gging must be disagrCeablc JnCrl.iOu.' III
House laughed and apDauded, and q
nation, which reserves it. sympathy 4
deserving objects witness the Wimbl
don abstinence trom amusement, and from irin
for the sake Of one unfortunate mani, will "a
.'Serye the scOundrels right, and let the san
dose be administered whenever such bastard
Tufiians can be got under the swing Of the N
quite harmless, but decidedly necessary cat"