American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-02-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

A LADY who wears pretty little slips
per, is often loved by the foot.
A FELLOW FEELINd.-A young doc
tor counting!a maiden's pulse.
IT is very certain that man will not
walk straight, if he follows his minds
bent.
THE musician who can make his hear
ers forget time may be excused for not
keeping it.
LET some ingenious quibbler explain
how letter written by an officer can be
called priyate letter.
Mrs. PARTINGToN says that Ike, who
has just returned from France, "speaks
like Parishioner."
THERE is a purple half to grape, a
crimson half to peach, sunny half to
the globe, better half to man.
THE man who wrestled with adversely
wore out his silk stockings and got worst
ed.
FAST PEopLE..-If husband and wife
are fast, there is danger in their ease, as
in that of fast team, that the compiling
will break.
To make boots last four years. Grease
well with a mixture Of tallow, lampblack
and beeswax; then set them away in the
closet.
A POPULAR writer speaking of the pro-
posed oceanic telegraph, wonders whether
the news transmitted through salt water
would be fresh
In Cork, short time ago, the crier of
the court endeavored to disperse the
crowd by exclaiming All blackguards
that isn't lawyers, quit the court!'
THE distinguished individual known
among the ancicnts as Cupid has recently
changed his name to Cupidity, and. will
hereafter devote his attention to matters
of money aswell as matrimony
AN old farmer whose son had died was
visited by neighbor, who began to con
dole with him on his loss
MY loss! No such thing; it's his
own loss-he was of age"
A LADY's maid hooked one of the best
of her mistress's dresses the other day,
but the affair was passed over because it
was done behind the ladys back-so that
there was nobody to testify to the fact
"Of all sad words of tongue or pen
The saddest are these, it might have been"
A CERTAIN gallant editor thinks when
single gentleman can't pass clothes
line without counting all the long stock
ings, it is a sign he ought to get married,
and the sooner the better.
AN IRISH NoTE.-W Whereas Patrick o.
Conner lately left his lodgings, this is to
give notice that if he does not return i'm
mediately and pay for the same, he will be
advertised.
A sIx-YEAR older, going into the vii
lage without leave, was shouted after by
one of the masters, who inquired where
he was going II am going to buy a
ha'porth of nails, sir" What for 2"
For ha'penny sir" was the reply.
A YOUNG girl who had become tired of
single blessedness, wrote to her true swain
as follows: "Deer Gin, cum rite of, eff
U are commin at awl. Ed. Ceilings is
insisting that shall hev him, and kisses
me so kontinerally that l cannot hold out
much longer, but will hev to KAYE in.
A LITTLE boy, few days since while
coming down stairs, was cautioned by his
mother not to lose his balance His ques-
ton which followed was puzzler:
3" Mother, if | was to lose my balance,
where would it go to?"
"That's fine strain" said one gentle
man to another, alluding to the tones of
a singer at concert, the other evening
+" Yes" said countryman whosat near,
g but if he strains much more he burst.
AFUNERAL INvITATIoN.--The follow
ing order, verbatim ct letiratim, was re-
ceived by an undertaken in the Bowery
from an afflicted widower living in Pearl
street:
" "Sir, mi Wiaf is ded and Wonts to
be berried to-morror, At wonner klok.-
U nose wair to dig the Hole-bi the side
of mi too other Wiafs-Let it be deep p
DURING a trial the other day, con-
stable who was testifyiug with regard to
the character of a lady, said:
know nothing of her but what hear
the neighbors say; and in my opinion,
what the women say of one another is
not really worthy of belief"