American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1864-01-13
WET AND wEsDOm.

WET AND WISDOGE. Y
WHERE did Noah strike the first nail
in the ark? On the head
PIN moncy-tho receipts of a bowling
alley.
"CoME in children, out of the wet, as
the shark said when it sucked in the lit
tie fishes.
"I'LL take your part as the dog said
to the cat when he robbed her Of her
dinner.
A wag on hearing hat man had Civ
en- mp chimney sweeping, expressed sur
prise, as he thought the business sooted
him.
| say, mister, hov came your eyes so
ALFRED crooked ?"-r by sitting between
two gals, and trying 10 look love to bot!
at the same time"
"GENrrENEN," said public speaker,
is not ono man as god as another?"--
- Yes, be iabcrs,' said a huge Patlander,
and a good dale betier, sure
A part Of mountain Of sorrow, Which
an inebriate had heapcd upon his own
head, lately slid off, and broke down the
bridge Of his nose.
IT is said that there are more lies told
in the brief sentence q am glad to see
YOU" than in any other single sentence
in the English language.
"I shall never get out of this scrape
alive" as the hog said when they were
rubbing the bristles off his back with
clam-shells and scalding water
\ school girl was married here lately.
One Of her schoolmates, little girl of
II years, told her mother" Why, don't
you think Susan is married, and she
hasn't gone through fractions yet"
AN honest Patlander, in recommending
a cow, said she would give milk year after
year, without having calves, "bekazo it
runs in the brade, for, be iabcrs, she
came out ov a COW what never had a cali,
sure"
A man having given a quantity of
peaches to the laborers on the road, one
of them was asked how he liked them !;
he said the fruit was very good, but the
seeds scratched his throat.
THERE are three sorts of nobility-di-
vine, worldly and moral the divine dc
pends upon the power Of God, the woSd-
ly upon the greatness of our birth, the
moral upon the liberty Of our mind.
DEAN Swift hearing Of a carpenter fall
ing through the scaifolding of house he
was engaged in repairing, dryly remark
ed that he liked to see a mechanic go
through his work promptly.
A female in the Utica Lunatic Asylum
is a lady of enlarged ideas, She talks of
becoming the empress of the world and
using the next rainbow for a waist ribbon.
EurAPH.
Lie heavy on him, EARTH for he
- Lied. hard enough, folks say--on thcel
THERE are two eveutful periods in the
life of women; one, when she wonders
who she will haye-the other who viii
have her The first occurs at I6, the
other at 40.
/" HALLoA, Steward ~ exclaimed fel-
low in one of the STEAMBOATS,, after having
retired to bed % Here, massa." Bring
me the way BILL "What for massa ?"
want to see if these bed bugs put down
their names for this berth, before did !;
If not, | want 'em turned out"
A lazy fellow named Jack Hole, living
near Covington, Ky, has adopted way
of spelling his name which throws Fono-
type clear into the shade He makes
big u" and then iabs his pen through
the paper for the Hole
A lady said to gentleman who had
accompanied her and her sister to church,
:, Itrains-send for an umbrella" ''Why,"
said the beau, you are neither sugar nor
salt, rain won't hurt you" True, but
we are-lasses,' said the lady. Umbrel-
la sent for
4 young man and female, stopping
at a country tavern, their awkward APP
pearance excited the curiosity of the host,
who commenced conversation with the
female by inquiring how far she had trav-
eled. Travelled :" exclaimed the strang-
er, somewhat Indignantly, We didn't
travel-we rid"