The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1864-05-18
Aunt Hetty's Idea of Mat
Z rimOny. ..

Now, girls, said Aunt Hetty, put down
your embroider and worsted work, do
something sensible, and stop building air
castles, and talking of lovers and honey
moons; it makes me sick, its perfectly
lantimoniM. Love is farce-matrimony
is humbug; husbands are domestic Ma
poleons, Neroes, Ale1anders, sighing for
ether, hearts to conquer after, they are
sure of yours. The honey ymoon is as
shert-liyed as lucifer match; after that
you wear your wedding dress at the wash
tub, and your night cap to meeting, and
your husband wouldn't know it. You
may pick up your own pocket handker-
chief, help yourself 70 chair, and split
your gown across the table to get piece
of butter, while he is laying in his break
fast as if it was the last he should get this
side of Jordan; when he gets through be
will aid your digestion (while you are
slipping your first cup of coffee) by in
quiring what you'll have for dinner,
whether the cold lamb was all ate yester-
day, if, the charcoal is out, and what you
gave for the last green tea you bought.
Then he gets up from the table, lights his
cigar with the last evening paper, that you
have not had chance to read, gives two
or three whiffs of smoke, sure to give you
the headache for the forenoon, and just as
his coat tail is vanishing through the
door. apologies for not doing THAT err
rand" for you yesterday-thinksit doubt
full if he can to-day-"so pressed tcith
business" Hear him at Einton's while
you are at home lining his old coat sleeves
Children by the ears all day. can't get out
to take air, feel as crazy as fly in a
drum; husband comes home at night, mods
a ''how- dye do Fam" boxes Charley's S
ears, stands little Fanny up in the corner,
sits down in the easiest chair, in the
warmest corner. puts his feet up over the
CRATE, shutting cut all the fire, while the
baby s little pug nose grows blue with
cold; reads the newspaper all to himself,
solaces his inner man with a hot cup OF.
tea, and just as you are laboring under
the hallucination that he will ask you to
take mouth" al Of fresh air W In. he
puts on his dressing gown and slippers,
aud begins to reckon up the family ex
penses, after which lie lies down on the
sofa, and you keep time with your needle,
while he snores till nine o'clock. Next
morning. ask him to leave you "a little
money" he looks at you as if to be sure
that you are in your right mind, draws a
sigh long enough and stong enough to
initiate pair of bellows, and asks you
what you want of it, and if half dollar
won't do Gracious king asif all those
little shoes and stockings, and pinafores,
and pettlcoats could be had for a "half a
dollar'' Oh, girls! set your affections
on cats, poodles, parrots o. lap dogs-but
let matrimony alone. Its the hardest way
on earth of getting living-you never
know on earth when your work is done.
Think of carrying eight or nine children
through the measles, chicken pox, rash,
mumps and scarlet fever, some of 'em
twice over, it makes my side ache to think
of it. o, you may scrimp and save and
twist and turn and dig and delve and
economic, AND DIE, and your husband
will take what you've saved to dress his
second wife with, and shall take yeur
portrait for FIRE board, aud-but what $
the use Of talking? I'll warrant every
one of you'll try it, the first chance you
get; there's sort Of bewitchment some
how. wish. one half the world warnt
fools, and tothsr half idiots, l do, Oh,
doort