The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1864-02-18
KENOsHA, WISCONSIN, THURsDAY, FEBRUARY IS, 1864


been discovered hundred times at least, t
speak within bounds, if it wasn't for the on
unfortunate circumstance that the apparatu
always blows up when it's on the very poin
OF succeeding. .---..... ...
'Tom turns pale when he hears the ole
gentleman expressing himself to this un
pleasant effect, and stammers out that if it!
quite agreeable to all parties, he would like
to know what has happened, and what change
was really taken place in the prospects o
that company.
eve have failed for the present Mr.. Orig,
says the old gentleman, wiping his forehead
and regret it the more because have il
fact invested my niece's five thousand pounds
in this glorious speculation. But don't bt
cast down, he says, anxiously-in another
fifteen years, Mr.. Orig
"Ohn cries Tom, letting the young la
dys hand fall. Were the stars very posi-
tive about this union, sir|
'''They were says the old gentleman.
"'Pm sorry to hear it, Tom makes an
swer, for it's no go, sir
:" NO what p cries the old gentleman.
s. Go, sir, says Tom, fercely. I forbid
the banns. And with these words-which
are the very words lie used-he sat himself
down in chair, and, laying his head upon
the table, thought with a secret grief what
was to come to pass on that day two months.
Tom always said, gentlemen, that the
waiting-maid was the artfufest mink he had
ever seen; and he left in writing in this
country when he went to colonze abroad,
that he was certain in his own mind she and
the Salamander bad blown up the philoso-
piers stone on purpose, aud to cut him out
of his property. believe Tom was in the
right gentlemen; but whether or no, she
comes forward at this point. and says May
speak, sir 2 and the old gentleman answer
ing Yes, you may, she goes Oh to say that
the stars are no doubt quite right in every
respect, but Tom is not the man And she
says, Don't you remember, sir, that when
the clockSstruck five this afternoon, you gave
Master GaliIeo rap on the head with your
telescope, and told him to get out of the way.
yes, | do said the old gentleman Then,
says the waiting maid, i say he's the man
and the prophecy is fulfilled The old gen
tleman stagg6rs at this, as if somebody haC
hit him blow on the chest, and cries. He
why, he's boy!' Upon that, gentlemen, the
Salanander cries out that he'll be twenty
one next Lady day and complains that his
father has always been SO busy with the sun
round which the earth revoIves, that he has
never taken any notice of the son that re-
wolves round him and that he hasn't had a
new suit of clothes since he was fourteen
and that he wasn't even taken out of nan
keen frocks and trowsers till he was quite
unpleasant in EN-; and touches on a good
many more family matters to the same pur-
pose.
To make short of long story, gentlemen
they all talk together, and cry together, and
remind the old gentlemen that as to the no,
bic family, his own grandfather would have
been Lord Mayor if he hadn't died at din
ner the year before; and they show him by
all kinds of arguments that if the cousins are
the prediction comes true every way.
At last, the old gentleman being quite con-
vinced, gives in; and joins their hands and
leaves MS daughter 10 MARRY body she
likes and they are all well pleased; and the
Gifted as we'll as any of them.
SIN the middle of this little family party,
gentlemen. sits Tom all the while, as mise
rabIe as you like. But when every thing
else is arranged, the old gentleman's daugh-
ter says, that their strange conduct was a
little device of the waiting maids to disgust
the lovers he had chosen for EN-, and will
he forgive her ? and if he will perhaps he
might even find her husband--and when
she says that, she looks uncommon hard at
Tom. Then the waiting maid says that, oh
dear she couldn't bear that Mr.. Orig should
think she wanted him to marry her; and
that she had even gone SO far as to refuse
the last lamp-lighter, who was now litera-
ry character (having set up as bill sticker;)
and that she hoped Mr. Orig would not sup
pose she was GU her last legs by any means,
for the baker was very strong i'll his atten
tons at that moment, and as to the butcher
he was frantic And don't know how much
more she might have said, gentlemen for as
you know, this kind of young women are
rare ones to talk if the old gentleman hadn' t
cut III suddenly, and asked Tom if he'd have
her, with ten pounds to recolnpense him for
his loss of time and disappointment, and as
a kind of bride to keep the story secret.
. 1T don't much matter sir, says Tom, 1
amt long for this world. Eight weeks of
especially with this young wo-
man, might reconcile me to my fate. | think,
he says, i could go off easy, after that
With which he embraces her with very
dismal face, and groans III way that might
move a heart Of stone-even Of philosopher
stone.
-Egad, says the old gentleman, that re-
minds me-this hustle pat it out Of my head
there was figure wrong. He'll live to a
green old age-eighty- seven at least!
"'How much, sir 2 cries Tom.
'Eightyssven!' says the old gentle
man.
Without another word, Tom filings him
self on the old gentleman's neck; throws up
his hat cuts caper; defies the waiting
maid and refers her to the butcher.
's'You won't marry her " says the old gen
tleman, angrily.
land live after it says Tom. I'd soon,
or marry mermaid, with small'tooth
comb and looking glass.
''Then take the consequences, says the
other.
With those words-I beg your kind
attention here, gentlemen, for it's worth youl
notice-the old gentleman wetted the fore
finger of his right hand in some of the liquor
from the crucibe that was split on the floor,
and drew a small triangle on TOMS fore
head. The room SWAIN before his eyes, ard
he found himself in the watch-house."
''Found himself whereF cried the voic(
on behalf of the company generally.
lin the watch houses, said the chairman
g 1t was late at night, and he found himseI
in the very watch-bouse from which he haC
been let out that morning"
did he go home q asked the vice.
''The watch-hou people rather objected
to that" said the chairman; 80 he stopped
there that night, and went before the magis
trate in the morning. why, you're herr
again, are you ? says the magistrate, adding
insult to injury; ''we'Il trouble you for fiv'
shiIlings more, if you eau conveniently spar
the money Tom told him he had been en-
chanted, but it was no uss. He told tn
contractors the same, but they wouldn't be
lieve him.
1t was very hard upon him, gentlemen
as he often said, for was it likely he'd G.
and invent such tale? They shook tllei
heads and told him he d say any thing, bu