The Morgantown monitor. [volume] (Morgantown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1863-1864, 1863-05-27
a1li5tellanton5.
JIMCRACKs FOR THE CROWD,
BY JACK HUMPHREYS.

with about $500 today said a seedy
and well known bore Of a fellow,
dodgiug into the couuting-room OF a
certain we'll known man Of business
in Philadelphia. I'm very short,
got a note to take up and must have
the money. Cant you oblige?'
Il WOULD was the response,
"with pleasure, Mr.. j.. but the fact
is, I'm Short as crust myself -
"By Moses, | must have the mon
ev, says the bore.
"Must?'
eyes, must' repeated the bore.
"Well, I haven't anything over
to-day says the bored one, "but If
you will 90 to G-y, he's always
in funds, I know, and will doubtless
let you have the money with plea
sure.
"Think so?'
eyes, l do-say l sent you
"Can't very we'll to-day-had a
large bill for paper, &C., to pay this
morning, Mr. j., " said g., smelling
a rat when the bore said so and so
sent him there. "But next week |
could lend you trife easy"
"But, by Moses, want the money
now-can't wait. -
"Oh look here [ know where
you can raise the money: go to Dick
J-'s, Dock street, he's never
without a full purse, and he knows
you, don't hep
"Oh, yes
"WeIi, then," said G-y, go
to him, say | would have loaned you
all you wanted, but I was short.
When the bore apparel to D., he
thought it over awhile, and then in
very serious earneStncss, says
"How much do you want?"
"Three hundred dollars-well,
say three fifty - says the bore, al
most sure of a hit this time.
"Three hundred and fifty, muses.
Dick "Mr. j., if you go over to
Carr, "a South Third street-you
know him %
"Oh, yesl" says the bore.
CHOW, he owes me just three
hundred and twenty five, to be paid
at two o'clock it's now two; | can
let you use that for few days. says
Dick.
"Why, d. it" cries Carr, "J-'s
told me to hand it over to Upham OF
the Mercury-I did SO, just now; but
there's some mistake; you 60 over to
Upham and say J-'s says, pay
the money over to you y
The bore aUe1at! Upham saw the
sell, and very gravely stated that he
had just that minute paid the money
over to George Lippard, upon a note
due L. by Dick J-s! But, if Mr..
j., the bore, would 90 to Wassahic-
kon, he could find George, and by
explaining affairs, borrow three hum
dred of him The bore began to
smell mice, and slipped off-Streak-
ed as chain of lightning Good
sell, that.
A SLIM CHANCE OF WARDROBE
Mrs. -, very dignified woman,
and fine actress Of New York, came
to the table one morning at the
house where she was boarding, and
in the most measured tone of her
most musical voice, exclaimed to the
assembled female boarders-
II was quite surprised this morn
ing-quite surprised.'
"Ah, indeed - cried several ;
"pray, Mrs. -, how was that?'
"I will tell you. | entered the
sitting room rather early this morn
lug, and while in there a gentleman
came in in shocking state of scanty
wardrobe. All paused for further
development. "Now, l wager you,
gentlemen, basket of wine, that
YOU cannot guess what piece Of gen.
tleman's wardrobe he had on.
"What piece2' said they.
cay, he had but one piece of
man S apparel upon him.
After some simpering and blush
ing of the ladies, and laughter Of
the gentlemen, they began to guess:
"Was it his pantaloons9'
"No.''
ellis drawers -
"No.''
"His overcoat p
"No.''
ellis vest and linen p
"No, sir
ellis cloak %
"No.
"Dickey and spurs, perhaps?' said
facetious old gent. "a regular
Georgia costume, eb p
"No, sir, you have not guessed 1t
vet. Go on, said the actress.
"Well, it was mantle'
"No."
"An umbrella, perhaps p
"No."
"Then, by George we give it up!'
said several.
"Well, gentlemen, some one of
YOU, or a stranger came into the
,,d J;sonpeared as soon-7DiIh