Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1863-04-01
The Efficacy Of Broemsticks.

to convince, blows. are conclusive evidences
IF you don't believe it, Just wait awhile. ant
III tell you eAn over true-tale.. Fill youl
pipes, boys, and sit close (; the Yankees ar.
beyond the Rappahannock, and-n, danger o
an alarm. So, stir the 6re, and let's be ,ner
~ this dark day in spite. Of wind and weather
You oil know Slocum. If you Look thro
that chink. there you'll see isipng, lank
limbs stretched before the FIRE like St. Igns
titus on eridiron. He looks very complais-
ant now, for bless you !-he's'g glad to be here,
safe from the dangerous insinuations Of broom.
sticks and sic Ike winning ways Doyou
know how Simon happens TO be in the army.s
No? Well: III tell you., Slocum has =
wife, and such wife-shade of Mrs. Caudle
protect us! Ssbtiny- Slocum ID what you
might call a strong-minded woman. and
s.rong-limbed too for that matter, for she
handles broams,ick as we'll as tie next, aud
80 Simon can testify. A taller, more angu:
lar, vinegar-faced shrev is not to be found,
and Simon not being particularly brisk was
continually iu. "the old. wouan's9 way.
Whenever he, roor devil, entered the ,house,
shs began = '->S.-
Simon S!tcam, don't you see the mat !!
There you go shufiin' along with your splay
feet, dashin' the mul right and left. Go
right straight back, and wipe them shoes
ole.n, or take EN- of: do wish YOU was off
- the wa,! Go long say, DON'T stand
there gapin,' and Simon was fsin ,o,do as be
vas bid. The chief weapon in the hands OF
this amiabie spouse ill she took to the broom
s,iet AZ dernisi' ,esort, ras.the reflection
which size ever cast with great indelicacy up-
on Dir. Slocum that he'd never been to the
war; You old sneak = she would say when
Simon dared lift his feeble, voice in expos,a-
ln,ion, dou't know you're IS grand a coward
as ever broke the bread you couldn't earn the
salt to? Don't know you',! trimble like a
lsaf beds.l Just say boo ..-ates sts.
cum did jump az the ffigh,ful exclamation
was uttered in o voice more distinct tkan
musical !. There it is! There it is, jast as !
said. r He Almost jumped out of his sk!u
then. do wish they'd conscrilt you, for you
ain't no manner -accoust to do one hands
turn, and ycu are just the latest white man,
Simon Slocum, that ever Isee'd. You might
j;ae the army, and let the Yankees shoot at
yuu TO save better man. Get ont OF. my
sight, you agravatin 'creetsr OF crestion!.
So Slocum would slope to save his feelings Or
his head ! =. = ?.
But the time xas Coming when S. brhy's
authority was to. be disputed Simon was;
appointed Deputy. Clerk of the Gourt-i heu
Of no other Offering; and ri.ing saddenlr-sc
high in his own estimation, determined to
:,ake a stand and open Mrs. SIS. blinded
eyes to the fact that be was one of the. Tonis
Of Creation and didn'tpean to be henpecked
any longer. Woea- the; day It. WAS. one
bright Saturday morning .aihat,,SiInon 'reds
along from the village, r;his old:grey trosting.
meekly as was his wept, and7came to this un:
fortunate conclusion. Stvet was any of Lis
brethren more mistaken, who, from the days
Of Socrates, dared. urge this plea. As Dir.
Slocum drew near his home, sweet home
vision Of bIiss-met his eye-Sabriny, With
her skirts gracefully caught up, swsying the
scrubbing broom back and forth in the front
piazza. In other words she was as usual
securing. the plague Of her. life, she sverred,
bat yet-as is very natural With her contra
dictery sex-continually at it. Six days in
the week did Sabriny Slccum devote to the
I.ares aud 'PenatesLLif those deities are sup
posed to preside over sand, soap, and scrub
bing brush; the seventh, all things by 3 hui
ry.skurry finale oasaturday night being set
10 order, she laid aside as emphatically .
"day Of rest, wherein the brooms and brush
es lean. supinely against the wall in c,rher,
and behind doors as if tired out with theiI
perpetual sailopade." :
As said Sabriny was, as usual securing
"Now,n thought Simon, the rnlueky, q
am so tired and wsrm, and 60 wish ! cou!t
lie down awhile, and rest OF the new chin';
lounge in the company.room. u know thu
old woman will be vrathy if Iwa!k over hel
clean floors, but I'll Just fell her Pm appoint
cd Deputy Clerk of the. Court, aud master Q
nv own house and hero Simon jerked'h hi
,snk form up like giraffe with'ths >agu
and dlsnounted, walked Up to the house pret
ty much as xerxes might haze walked u
to Greece, supposing Greece t. be Tiras
securing the Temple Of Jupiter Olympus
t;mens nihil! Mrs. s!ocum took no motto
of this unprecedented manner of approach
wen. on busily swaying her broom from sid
70 side, now pulling the tub of water to thi
ride, and then to that, scattering soap, an
siuging sand. as # her life depended upon
Thus encouraged Simon Elaced his sacrils
eious foot upon the first rtep, snd advance ID!
firmly TO the charge. as lie reseaed thp to
s,sp he paused, dismayed 9; his own DARN
courage. Mrs. Slocurr pausedslso R's'ir'
j al