The Cass County Republican. [volume] (Dowagiac, Mich.) 18??-1880, 1863-04-30
From Artemus Ward, Jr.

WASHINGTON, Jan. 81, '63. = It's
putty plane TO my mind that we can't
have Peas as long as the fght goes on.
Not much. The sympathizin Demos
promist that these Rebellion shood be
over as soon as they was 'lected, and
they air doin all in thar power to get it
over all over the North. You Good
stick more loyalty in chickens ear
than such men possess.
The other day l 'pinted myself a
committee of the Whole to go to Rich
mond an see if | coodnt convins j.
Davis ov the error ov his ways, an per-
suade him to jine the Young Mems
Christian Association. Somethin must
soon be did to have the war stopt, or
by the time its ended the Northern
sympathizers will have no Southern
brethren, no CONSTRUCTION, or no Dec
laration of Independence or no nothing,
or anything else. None. Whar Good
we procoor G. Washingtons, j. Quincy
Jefersons, Thomas Adamses, and ct
setiery to- make another -Censtitootian-
and sOtth-the larst espeshiallv. Ecko
ansers-Whar? That's why the Brecks
air takin sich good care of that instroo-
ment.
But was goin to tell you about my
trip to the Capitol of the Southern
Contheveracy. 1t was bootiful
mornin that started: nary cloud OBJ
skewered the Orb of Day, and rove at
the Secesh lines, dirty looking Confed
called me Halt" and pinted a bago-
net at me- He arskt me who | was, an
whar was goin.
" Ny friundly ruff sez I, "Ive just
been up North stealth things an sich
like for JEFF. Meean him air old pals. y
He let me pars.
In doc eorse of mail / arrove in
Richmon. unfolded my mission, an
was ushered into j. Davis orgust pres
ents. He'd just returned from his
speechifying tower.
"Tip us your fipper old Covy," seq
|, addressin him in the F. f. VS. APP
proved diorlict.
Make known your bizness," sez he.
I" I'm getting up proclamation for the
determination of the hole Yankee ma
ton, and arn't got much leisure for
any other ockupatioD." 81 come," se2
"on a mission of Peas. Your Cop
perhead friends. in the North will soon
cease to exist, eff things carnt be ar.
ranged to prohibit the Unionisters from
tearin the Constitoosh."
What terms do you offer !'' queried
jeff. m aa
WALL" sez /, 8" air instructed by
perheads (Wood, Stiles & Co., you
know propose ANYTHING which will
disgrace the North. You kin take your
niggers all over creation, incloodin
Jarsey. ,
"Wood that be Constitutional p
arkst J. D., with sly twinkle ov bis
eye. tu
go" sez I, its matter of no diff
ference how much you chaps brake
that artikil to sever the Union, so the
Republicans are istopt from doin the
same to keep the seq Union together
That's what your Northern chums want
to see dun" .s.as 80 Ta
Wal," seq the Confed Pres, et
your government vii let us secesh, and
will pay our debts, and give us brute
Butler to hang, We might come to
terms" ii
Is thar nothin else you Good wish?'
"Wal, yes-give us all the terrific
ries.n
Nothin else %
"Throw in 2 or fire States-New
York, Penna, and Massachusetts, iol
instuns." --fst
NotbiD else ?" H5ae
You might mcleod ole Llnkon's
he'd" .i hs isas la
/ "Cant you think ov nothin else?"
2" Yes-in footer We NJ ust have all we
arsk."
: "J. Davis" seq /, 81 hev no doubt
your friends in the North wood make
! all these concessions, an more too; but
it has just occurred to me that thar was
nothin said TO Old Abe about it be4 ]
left Washington. Shoodn't wonder et
ihe'd object to the plan some. But your
do;,ocrst friends are doin all they kin
81 Know.n ssys J. D., can that's
what keeps our spirits up. we all
waitin for ena to get inpower, % .hen
We expect to git all We arsk.. And set'
us Shiyiry consider them the contempt
iblest set Of dirt eaten towards IN the
North We Good buy 'em all fur Con-
fed Shinplaster."
IUo Those was nv opinion 2.
JEFF larskt me to stop and take 4
with him, and kindly stopt. Ef q
Secesh President kOn't CIT ennytiiing