Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1863-07-10

dispute with FOOLS" said a gentleman who
was getting the worst of an argument. "No,'
was the reply, "you are sure to agree with
them"
Mrs. Darlington desires to know why the
captain of vessel can't keep memorandum
of the weight of his anchor, instead of weigh
ing it every time he leaves port.
WANTED TO KNow.-W a treble
singer does three times the work, or is paid
three times as much as another?
And whether a lawyer ever tainted under
the burden of conveying house?
The following is perhaps the most atrocious
connundrum ever perpetrated:
What is the difference between mischeyous
mouse and beautiful young lady?
One harms the cheese and the other charms
the he's.
A Joker, on hearing that certain persons
were mutilating the copper cent by cutting
out the head and wearing it as a breast-pin
or badge,a once suggested the following def
nition C5pperhead-One who outrages
the good sense (cents) of the nation.
In Hartford lately, at the door ofa citizen,
very little boy begged piteously for some
thing to eat, and in a mournful tone of voice
said, his parents were dead and his father
couldn't get any work, and his mother was
very sick, indeed"
A few days ago, says the Toledo Blade, a
smart little fellow of seven summers, went
up to fruit-stand, and raising on tip-toe
peered over at the fruit, remarking, as he ex-
tended dime: think will buy few ap-
Piles to take home to the children"
A good story is told of an Irish hostler,
who was sent to the stable to bring forth q
travellers horse. Not knowing which of the
two strange horses in the stalls belonged to
the stranger, and wishing to avoid tho ap-
pearance of ignorance in his business, he sad
died both animals and brought them to the
door. The traveller pointed out his own
horse. saying:
"That's my nagr'
"Certainly, your honor, knew that. But
I didn't know which one of them was the
other gintleman's!'
| ARTEMUs WARD AS AN EDIToR.-In the Or
tum of IS, my friend. the editor of the
Baldinsville Bugel, was obliged to leave per.
feshernal dooties & 60 & dig taters, and he
axed Me to edit for him doorin his absense.-
Accordingly grouned up his Sheers, and
commenced. 1t did, take great while to
slash out copy enuff from the exchanges for
one issoo, and thot Ide take ride up to the
next town on little jaunt, to rest my branes,
which had bin severely wract by mental ef-
forts Ironicle]. So l went over to the rale
rode offs and axed the Superintendent for a
pars. -..
''You editor ?' he axed, evidently on the
point of snickerin.
eyes, sir" seq |, "don't look poor enuff ?"
"Jest about" sez he, "but our rode can't
pars you"
''Can't hay ~ l.-..-
"No, sir-it can't"
"Becauz," SEE /, lookin him full in the face
with an eagle eye, sit goes so darned slow it
can't pars anybody"
Methnks | had him thar. It's the slowest
rode in the west. With mortified air he
told me to git out of his offs. ptied him
and went
~ Many glorious speculation has failed
, for the same good reason that the old Texas
Ranger gave when he was asked why he didn't
buy land when it was dog cheap. A cores
pendent tells the story:
"Well, did come nigh onto taking eight
thousand acres onest," said old Joe, mourn
fully. "You see, two of the boys came in
one day from an Indian hunt, without any
shoes, and offered me their titles to the two
leagues lust below here for pair of boots"
"For pair Of boots ~ cried out.
"Yes, for pair of boots for each league"
"But why, en- earth, didn't you take it |?
They'd be worth hundred thousand dollars
to- day. Why didn't you give them the
boots 20
"Jest cause didn't have the boots to
give" said old Joe, as he took another chew
Of tobacco, quite as contented as if be owned
the two leagues of land