Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1863-01-03
Reveries of a Bachelor.

W ell, tnlS is WIlaC L Gull ellJoyiueH. IL
isn't everyone who understands the philoso-
ply Of laying back at his ease, in an arm
chair, with feet upon the fender, and putting
real 1Iavana-onc of Wasserman's best-1
assure you. 1t is only a real, genuine bachelor,
and withal of many years standing, who can
truly enjoy himself. Now there's Tompkins,
he can't enjoy himself; his mind is filled with
thoughts of crinoline diviniies, and he can no
more recall his thoughts and answer a plain
straightforward question than he can lift him
self over stake-and-ridcr fence by his boot
straps. Glory to Gideon! am a bachelor,
and shall ever stick to the craft, though
should be doomed to have my head puncturcd
in the world to come, to pay for it, Here
can sit in undisturbed solitude, secure from
scolding women, crying babies, nervous at
tacks, and the thousand -and.one ills which
poor married men are heirs to. What if my
room is somewhat disordcred? What If those
papers on tho table do lie somewhat dsar-
ranged What if those curtains are dusty,
and do not fall in just 80 many systematic
folds, like an old maids trcsses on washing
day? And what if there is collection Of
miscellaneous articles under the bed-boots,
shoes, dilapidatcd garments, and the like (!
What does all this signify Things are
surely much more easily found in this condi-
tion, when wanted, than if everything was ar
ranged methodically by the "rule of three"
y woman would tell me that the smoke from
my cigar-whicl,, as it rises, curls in such
graceful forms-will blacken the ceiling.
Lkely-in fact, l think it exceedingly, prob
able; but am to forcgo smoking on that
pretext! Oh, woman! woman it was you
who first brought sin into the world, and you
surely lend an important aid in keeping it up.
Away with your prim notions of starched
propriety! You, if your power was omnipo-
tent, would cause the monarchs of the for
est" to grow in regular colonades, and the riv-
ulets to flow in strai ght courses from the noun
tain sides, and the mountains themselves to ar.
range in regular order, from the greatest
even to the least" l presume there isn't
much love lost, though, judging from the hints
and inucndos that are occasionally thrown
out (and that. too, in the very presence of
bachelors in good standing, with the insinua-
tion that "present company's always except
cd concerning that horrible class-the old
bachelors. Why blame us that there are
some ancient specimens of your sex stakcd
out to Craze, alone and uncared for, in the un-
interesting and Improbable state of "single
blessedEcss'l Why persist in teaching those
incipient specimens Of crinolinical rotundity
that rompins bevy of schoolgirls who pass
my window daily-to cast ferocious glances
at what they evidently consider no better than
a beau-aconstrictor? Am to blame !-are
we, as class, to blame, because Miss Dead.
expense has attained the full age Of maturity,
without having succeeded in entrapping hus.
band Everything goes to confirm us in the
belief tint we are much abused class. That
significant, but bland smile, with which Mrs.
Bishop greets her bachelor friends, when un-
derstool, plainly says. "poor devil!" That
Sowing Circle, which meets for the ostcnsible
purpose repairing the church and doing good,
&c. attending to other peoples busincss) con-
firms the aforesaid belief; do they not com.
pei us to pay bonus to the "charrity institu-
tions," in the shape of five-dollar donations,
solicited by two or more of their number !?
Why not leave us alone in our glory? Well,
well-the fire is out. my cigar ditto; I'll off
TO rati,ns instanter. Now for brush with
"old vin'sar-face." Ye gods! how l love
that woman