Dayton daily empire. [volume] (Dayton [Ohio]) 1850-1865, 1863-12-29
THE PAPERS OF
ALEXANDER MARION MELHORNE,
ON THE ISSUES oE Tup nav
I CLASSICAL RETREAT, Near Cucumber
City, December, 1868.

Gllyi l'eccmbef, 1913.
Mr.. President, &c Ladies C Gentlemen.
Mr. Lincoln probably thought he had blow
cd ont all the great political and occesiastic.
oil lights, so that he should have pretty much
his own way with the African business. lie
fondly thought that the unsophisticated by.
ISLANDERS couldn't see we'll enough by moon.
light to distinguish the Chicago platform from
the Constitution, Mr.. Burnsidcs orders from
the Bill of Rights, or Black Republicanism
from the Christian Religion But think he
will wake up some Of these momentous NOR
nings, and find first class Chandelier, (in
the person Of the undersigned) burning in
the middle of the room before breakfast. A..
bout that timo he will wish that he was up in
Windsor for defending the Constitution lie
will be siezed with violent headache, and
won't have any appetite, None Whatever
He will try to sell out at public vendue, on 9
monlhs credit No sale for the want of bid
ders. His senses will then reel, and he will
ask tho rocks and mountains to fall on to his
old carcass and squelch it, hut the rocks and
mountains win reply, with their usual nbilty,
that they think he's squelched about bad
nough. Which will be too true, in an emi.
nent degree,
on TnE GIGANTIC STRIDES or FREE INsTlTU.
TloNs.
Having promised to eXpatiaio some on tho
aboyo-named STRIDES, will now do il in the
abest manner, having onen scen them. They
used to live in America, but the country
wasn't big enough 70 contain both them and
the African, and so they called upon Mr.. Sew
ard for their passport aud Immediately en-.
barked for parts unknown, and haven been
heard from since. Their friends nre uneasy
about them. They had few relations in
the Halls of the Montezumas, which have re
Gently "Eone up the spout" and retired to
private life, owing to tho Monroe Doctrine
having been superseded by the African doc.
trino, which was better adapted TO the wishes
of the French. Consequently il hasn't been
much trouble for Mr. Lincoln to congratulate
the by-standers that our beloved country was
at pence with all tho world. 1t tisquite desi
rable to die that way il is true, but it is n
good deal moro preferable to live while Ion.
ger. In conclusion, will here state that as
soon as free institutions was out of the way.
the African loomed up into the order Of the
day, with the greatest ability hitherto record
ed He was mAgniled gloriGed, and eventu-
ally sanctiiied, in nm eminent degree. He
became an ornament to society, and monop.
olized the sidewalk
This state Of things was soon succeeded by
an appeal to arms. lyhong democrats, shoul-
der-straps, frauds aud embezzlements became
more prevalent than was really necessary
Murder, arson and crime stalked abroad at
midday, with highheeled boots, plug hat
and standing g-colar. lie preyed on copper
heads, and won the appreciation Of the courts
He was always acquitted with much ability
His witnesses always swore their best, and
was always ready to do So at their earliest
convenience frequently before brenkfast-
After a while, the "watehmen ON the walls ofI
Zion" thinking they had seen about enough,
slipped down the back way, went a-Gshing,
and didn't get back till away after night Fin
ding supper over, and the dishes all washed
up they unanimously resolved to call il half
a day, Which they accordingly did with
much credit And so, after they got up ON
the walls again, tho FIST thing they discoy,
cred was, that the town-boys didn't respect
them quite 40 much, by good deal, ns they
formerly used to do heretofore, calling them
hot-gospelerg, whang g-doodles, etc Hence,
forth after that they became highly demoral-
ized, such as putting on belligoront shoulder