Mineral Point weekly tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1859-1868, 1863-09-02
Miscellaneous Items.


a word is as good as blow to
you" a. the bugle said to the leader of the
band.
You cry before you're out of the wood,
as the flute player remarked to his last note
=" You're nice duck for q small party,
as the waiter whispered to the quart mould
OF Roman punch.
-" Dry up" as the said TO the puddle
-" You'll soon have fall If you run so
fast" observed the philosopeF to the brook
''If do I'm damned, replied the brook
wickedly.
"There's one for your Qk)nob, as the
guest remarked, when he jerked the bell
handle.
You viii soon be pretty well blown y
grunted the big fiddle to the trombone, just
before the concert
''That's nothing to the scrape you'll find
yourself in answered the trombone hoarselv.
AIS well that ends well, y as the pump
said, when it was lowered into the cistern.
LABOR LOsT.-An organ-grinder PLAYING at
the door of a deaf and dumb asylum.
SLIGHTLY CLASSICAL They were throwing
dice.
Nine :" cried Yorick
. A truly Homeric cast !" observed the
professor
" Homericg How do you meang' inquired
locker on.
:. Why,i is 1t not an odd-l-see = said the pro
fessor, pointing to the number.
" Pom my word, professor" cried Yorick,
g You do not iIly-add :"
Upon which they all poured a ibation TO
Bacchus and proceeded with the game
MANKIND GETTING MADDEE A statistical
article announces tire fearful fact, that while
the population of France has been nearly
stationary, the number of Iunatics has gone
up from twelve thousand to sixty thousand
VIII history tell Us whether Dssi3er-moiselcs
had anything to DO v; it'll
The AMERICAN IMAD.
Not 5y Thomas Co7lyL.)
PAUL., of the South, (qttaez7.g Ftter, of til
North from beljzR riH q long kn5tel-Go to
- destruction
PETER (,h,eeting him JUS. in tine, lodging tie
tly1r, and k5socLlg tim DOM eih lis tsDENo
thank you There VIII you be quiet:
PAUL-Yes, if you'll set me up straight
again, and put my bat on for me, and give me
my knife and let me alone
A'GooD NEGRo sroaY-Our elder readers
nave az heard the story of Sammy Usher.
who fell off the dock at Bristol and was fshed
out by the man whom Of all others he disIiked
Sammy was fast sinking, and his cries, grow
ing fainter and fainter had fortunately reached
the ears Of Parker Borden. VINO generously
jumped il and fsLed up the drowning man,
just ia time to save his fife. sammy shook
tile water from him, and turned to thank lis
deiiyerer when he saw in the uncertain LIGHT
that it was no other than MA ancient foe
The gratitude depicted IL his face changed at
once 20 indignation and disgust. q What sort
ot : place IS this town OF Bristol, said he.
:. that when a gentlemen falls into the dock
there + nobody but Parker Borden 10 help
aim out -Errhaaea
SLEEP OYERCQNEs ALL MEN-Tue most Vi /
oient passion and excits4neut cannot keen
even powerful minds from sleep. Alexander
the Great slept on the field Of ArbeIa. and
Napoleon upon that or Austerlitz. Even
stripes and torture cannot keep Oft sleep. as
criminals have been known to give way 10 IL /
On the rack. Noises, which at first serve To /
drlFc II away soon become indispensable To I
~ existence; thus stage coach stopping ID I
change horses, wake all the passengers The /
proprietor of an lrou-tor-e who slept close
y the din ct hammers, tor-ez and blast fur
naces, would wake il there was any Interrupt I
tion TO them during the night; and a sick .
miller, vino had his mill stopped on that ac-
count, passed sleepless nights until the mill /
resumed it. usual noise. Homer in iii. Mi /
~, elegantly represents sleep as overcoming
all men, and even the gods except Jupiter
alone
BE YorE Own RIGur HANp MAx-reopIs. /
Who have been bolstercd up and Ievered all !.
their lives are seldom good for anything I'm "a ;
crisis. When misfortune comes. ther look T
around for somebody 60 cling OF lean upon. /
II the prop is not there, down they 70. once +
down they are helpless as capsized turtles or 4
endorsed nell IN aGmor. and cannot find their I
feet again without assistance Such -iIkeu 4
fellows NO more resemble 4clt-madc men who /
have fought their way 90 position making +
difficulties their stepping stones and deriving /
determination by defeat, than vines resemble /
oaks, or spluttcriug rush-lights the stars ct .
heaven Efforts persisted IN to achievements ,
tram man To selt-seliancc, and when he has Z
proved 70 the world that he can trust himself !
the world viii trnst him. We saw. therefore /
tnat Il Is unwise to deprive Young men of tine I
advantages which result from their energetic /
action, by boosting them over obstacles /
when they ought to surmount them alone
SHARP PaACrIcE.-Nauy years ago. at a /
s.saner-partg in Glasgow, there was present /
lawyer Of very sharp practice, fond of giving I
toasts or sentiments After the cloth was /
removed, and tine bottle had gone round ou-r /
J oT twice the ladies withdrew rs the HIGHER I
pleasures OF the araviug-room, all but Il very !
plain old maid She remained behind. and 1
a the conversation began To be a GttIc mas I
cuIlne, our friend Of tile long robe was any I
lous 70 get rid 81 the ancient" ana far this /
purpose rather premaureIy asked Thumbs /
the privilege Of giving a toast. This being +
granted, he rose aud gave the old toast of +
Honest men and bouuy lasses" The toast
WIS drank with all honor, when Tie dame. I
Nho was sitting near the lawyer, ros. from her /
seat gave the lawyer a poke in the ribs with
tae end oI her finger, and after having Said /
Mt , che toast neither applies d YOU
nor nae" left the room.
INrUNcrCL PEorLF-WHat harrs they
are-what havoc they make with the rreefolS
moments Ut orderly systematic men If bust
ness. 4 person WHO is taitaIess to his am
pourments may not intend to swiudIe pe8rlr. !
but he 3oss To those who know, how 10 tgrn
time 60 advantage every hour has au apDrg-
ciahle peeunilry value minutes. even. are
worth 50 much apiece He who rolls YOU OF
taem, might just as well take 50 much money
from your purse. The act Is petty larceny or
grand larceny, according Dc The amount ot
time be epmpcls you to waste AND the value
q u, AT . tair appraisal. 10 Yourself or your
family The only "a ltal OF a large portion
q Gle community is time Their compeusa-
tion il measured hv the clock The moments
Of which promlse-areaEcrs ,uedt them. NAV
represent III fact the necessaries of I5ta. and
the loss OF an hour may involve the privatlou
81 loaf. q Joint. or some. other arritI.