The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1863-08-26

of London omnibus, in gentle language
to 'make haste and save his appointment
in the Strand The conductor erie. tc
the driver, $50 on Bill Here's a old
cove cussin' aud sweariu' like any.
Think
Another time, when the magni6ce nt
"swell." +" with his head in the air. walks
out of Tattersalls. street boy exclaims
III say They've let out that ERE hani.
NAL without bis martingale onr We
can vouch for the following. which is still
better. A lady, teaching in . ragged
school, one Sunday evening, was trying
to impress on her class OF young city
Arabs the duty of thankfulness to Provi
dsnee; and. to begin At the lowest and
most tangible proposition, asked them to
the mention the pleasures which in
the course Of the year they enjoyed
most; holidays on some fine neighboripe
downs being in her unsophistica,sd mind
the probable reply to her question, or, .,
the worst, the good Christmas dinner pro-
vided by the guardians Of the schools.
The class, composed Of ten or a dozen
lads between sixteen and eighteen, all sat
very still for moment in profound copi-
tanon. Then the leader lifted his head
looked the lady straight in the face, and
answered: "Cock -fghtin', ma'am.''
The position of the unhappy teacher,
reduced to draw moral of thankfuines,
from that particular species of enjoymsnt,
nesds no elucidation.
On different occasion, some other
boys of the same description being asked
10 define what conscience might be, an
swered that it was "a thing lady or
gen'man hadn't got, who, when q lad
found their handkerchers and gave them
back to them, didn't give the boy six
pence"
A poor law guardian in the north Of
Ireland lately addressed his audience -
'Mr Chairman, and gentlemen of the
board, the eye Of Europe is upon us-the
apple Of discord has been flung iu our
mids.-and if it be not nipped in the bud
1T will burst into confagration-
which will deiuge the world!".
A school for poor children having read
in their chapter in the Bible the denun-
CITATIONS against hypocrites who ..strain
at guat aud swallow CAMEL" were az
forwards examined by the benevolent pat
rouess, Lady ----, as to their recolec-
tions of the chapter. "What, in particu-
lar, was the sin Of the Pharisees, child
ren?' said the lady. Ating camels, my
lady," was the prompt reply.
An Irish noblemsn having lived to
great age in very feeble and imbecile
condition, it occurred to one of his tenants
to suggest to his son and heir: "Don't
yo~ sh.-L, .i- s.~~yho fho NOR oyId terd
has been forgosten up there (pointing to
the sky) this while past? If your honor
was to take him up to the top of Sieve ma
More and ho,o ham a little, wouldn't it be
good chance
But besides these unintentional droller-
les. there is abundance of true wit in Ire
land, with flavor all its own. Few theo.
logical definitions, for instance, could
bear the palm from that of priest who,
having preached sermon on miracles,
was asked by one of his congregation,
walking homeward, to explain little
more lucidly what miracle meant. "ls
it miracle you want to understand"
said the priest. ak on there FORE
ninst me, and IN think how can explain
il 10 you" The man walked on, and the
priest came behind him and gave him a
tremendous kick. "Ugh'' roared the
sufferer, "Why did you do that?" "Did
you feel III" said the priest "To be
sure did" replied the unhappy disciple.
"Well. then, remember this Ii would
have been miracle if you had not =
Very lately somewhat rigid specimen
Of the English governess, primly dressed
IS became her years. and by no means at
tractive in corkscrew curls and well
pinched lips, addressed Dublin carman
IN an authoritative manner, with the OBJ
no1ious stipulation
II take you for an hour"
Csbby Tin an insinuating manner, }
"Ah, ma am, won't ye take me for life?"
An English geologist, tempted on =
| Sunday in Scotland furtively to chip with
his pocket hammer wayside rock Of too
tempting appearance, an Ola woman pass
ing by remarked, with all the steruness
betting the offence, "It's not stone 60
you're breaking, but the Sabbath"
The French nobiesse de tancien regime
were doubtless, however. more often VIC
torious than conquered in matters Of Wit.
The Due de Richelieu, splendid sample
of the grand ssigseur, was showing his
guests one day curious collection OF Jew
els. Amongst them were two very val
liable watches. In passing them from
hand to hand an unfortunate young Gen:
tleman allowed them both 10 fall on the
floor. The Duke hastened to relieve
him from his modification, by saying,
t"Ah! sir. you are more clever than my
matchmaker; he has never succeeded in
making them 90 together"
During the French Revelation ci dc
rant applied for passport under the name
of "nis. '.Nas2" said the authorities at
the passport Office" Comment nisP Have
you no other name?" mot now" said
| the satirical appicant. ~ used to bs