Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1863-07-29
The Unkindest Cut of All.

The Unkindest Cut Of AL.
A jeweller, who shall be name!ess, was
lately applied to by looking young
man to make a gold ring for him. having
in it a blade very delicate and keen, con-
cealed. except on narrow scrutiny, and
opening with spring The bargain was
made to furnish it for thirty dollars. On
the appointed day the purchaser appear
ed, paid the stipulated price, which was
fobbed very complacently, and with an
air of high satisfaction put it on his fin
ger. The ieweller, of course very inno-
Gently, asked what he wanted to do with
such an article, to which the reply was
to cut open pockers with.
"Ah," replied the jeweller, doubtless
in amazement, how can you do such
things with such an instrument, and not
be detected p
The performer replied that hisartcon-
sisted il diverting the attention of peO-
PIE from everything that looked Ike
design upon them-that he rubbed his
forehead, adjusted his hat, etc., and that
discovery came too late. He then bade
him good morning, and went his way.
Shortly after, the jeweller, as be walked
round the counter, was accosteG by the
clerk
Why, what is the matter with your
pantaloous How came you to tear them
SOP"
Nothing that know of, was the an
swer. c Where 2"
" Why, just look -
When, 10 ] his pocket was found to he
cut by the artist, with his new instru-
ment, and his pocket book gone, with not
only the thirty dollars just paid, but four
hundred besides.
The last seen of the jeweller he was in
search of TIE detectives in the hope Of
recovering his money.
EDITING PAPER Editing a paper
is worry pleasant business. If it con-
tains too much political matter, people
won't have it.
Fit contains too little they won't have
Ifthe type is large it don't contain
enough reading matter.
Ift the tyre is small they cant read it
live publish telegraph reports folks
say they are nothing but lies.
If we omit them, they say we have no
enterprise, or suppress them for political
effect.
If we have in a few jokes, folks say
we are nothing but rattle head.
If we ont jokes, they say we are an
old fossil.
If we publish original matter, they
damn us for not giving se'e-tiOns.
If we publish selections, folEs say We
are lazy for not writing more and giving
them what they have not read in some
other paper.
If we give a man complimentary noti-
ces, we are censured for being partial.
If we do not, all hands say We are a
greedy hog.
If we insert an article which pleases
the ladies, men become jealous.
If we do not cater to their wishes, the
paper is not fit to have in their house.
If we attend church, they say it is only
for effect.
II we do not, they denounce US deceit
full and desperately wicked.
If we speak well of any actof the Pres
ident, folks say we dare not do otherwise.
If we censure, they call US a traitor.
If we remain in the office and attend
to business, folks say we are to proud to
mingle with our fellows.
five 90 out, they say We never attend
20 bu. mess.
five do not pay all bills promptly, folks
say We are not to be trusted.
If we do pay prom P they say westole
the mo Q.
If we wear poor clothes they say bu-i-
ness is poor.
live wear good ones they say we are
a spend thrift.
Now what is a poor fellow to do?
Or New York and New Jersey the
Northumberland county (Pa.) Democrat
says" These two Democratic States de-
serve the lasting gratitude Of the people
Of Pennsylvania for the prompt and no.