Mineral Point weekly tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1859-1868, 1863-11-11
All Sorts Of Items.
= Love and death enter boarding houses
without asking the price OF board

- Generally the greatest humbug is he who
talks OF humbugs the most glibly.
There are many of the greatest deeds
done in the small struggles of life.
= There are more sorrows of women than
of men, just as in Heaven there are more
eclipses OF the moon than of the sun.
= Though We travel the world over to find
the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we
find it not.
A mans wife often gives him all me NOR
al strength he has. She is at once his rib
and his backbone.
= Some women paint their faces ami then
weep because il does not make them beauti-
full. They raise hue-and cry.
= The following is sharp First party
: You'll come to the gallows some day.
Second, OF addressed party: i" Yes, the day
you're hanged
Alexander SeIkirk, the original of Rob
inson Crusoe, lived great portion of his life
with Spanish JeweSs, viz: Jew Ann Fernan-
dez
-Foote expresses the belief that certain
miser would take the beam out of his own
eye, if he knew where he could sell the tim
Der.
= 1t was Punch who said so felcitously,
that while men only want modest dogs , all
INT NtlL4 lAN "DIilSlA want all t'fft
get
A country editor, praising successful
politician, called him " one of the cleyerest
fellows that ever lifted a hat to lady, or
boot TO blackguard.'
A keeper of saloon advertising his es-
Enlistment, concludes thus: Those Of my
patrons who may desire it, can be sent home
on wheelbarrow, gratis"
= The Richmond rebels are at last raising
the cry OF hunger. i man may avoid crying
out when his thumbs are in the thumb-screws,
but not when his belly is pinched.
- thck-headed Squire being worsted
by the Rev. Sydney Smith in an argument.
took his revenge by exclaiming: - If | had a
son who was an idiot, | would make him a
parson." . Very probably said Sydney;
. but | see your father had a different opin-
ion"
- Tuscumba, point Of military interest
Just now, is in Franklin county, Alabama, five
miles south of Florence, and few miles be-
low the Muscle Shoals of the Tennessee riy-
er. 1t is forty-one miles west of Decatur,
the junction Of one of the railroads connect
ing with Nashville.
Another candidate for Speaker of the
next United States House of Representatives
has been trotted out. The Copperheads of
Ohio and Indiana have announced Hon, Geo.
II. Pendleton, Representative of the First
District of Ohio, a. the candidate of the Val
landigham democracy.
A young married woman, whose hus-
band has gone to the wal" heard in a con-
versation the remark that the Government
wanted more cavalry and more infantry. She
replied that she knew nothing about cavalry,
but added, with a sigh, that if more infantry
were needed, the Government had better send
some of the volunteers home again.
A clergyman in Vermont having been
accused By the Broman Free Press Of kicking
his wife and whipping her eighteen times
within a year, corrected this statement
through the same channel. He has whipped
his wife but fifteen times in three years, and
if she labOrs under tire impression that he
has ever kicked her, it is because she occa-
sionally runs against his uplifted foot.
When James T. Brady, the celebrated
lawyer of New York, first opened a lawyers
office, he took basement room which had
previously been occupied by cObbler He
was somewhat annoyed by the previous oc-
cupant's callers and irritated by the fact that
he had but few of his own. One day an
Irishman entered. The cobbler's gone, l
see he said. Il should think he had, ~ tartly
responded Brady. and what DO YOU sell :"
he asked looking at the solitary table and
few law books. ''Blockheads," responded
Brady BE gorra," said the Irishman, eve
must be doing mighty fine busiuess-ye
hain't got but one left"
IL WHAT LIBERTY CoNsIsTs.-It is true that
in democracies the people seem to act as
they please but political liberty does not
consist in an unlimited freedom. In govern
ments. that is. in societies directed by laws,
liberty can consist only in the power OF do
ing what o1l1ht 10 1riH, and in not being
constrained to do what We ought not to will.
We must have continually present to our
minds the difference between independence
and liberty. Liberty Is a right Of doing
whatever the laws permit, and if a citizen
could do what they forbid, he would be no
longer possessed of liberty, because all his
fellow citizens would have the same power.
--Nontesqtie1's Spirit Of Lars.
- Here is one of old Thomas Fuller's
thoughts, which shows his genial wit:
Lord, | find the geneology OF my Saviour
strangely checkered with four remarkable
changes in four immediate generations:
!. Robonum begat Abba; that is a bad faith
er begat a bad son.
?. Abba begat Asa that l., bad father a
good son.
,. Asa begat Josaphat; that is a good faith
er good son.
I. Josaphat begat Joram; that is, good
father bad son.
/ see, Lord, from hence, That my father
pety cannot be entailed; that is bad news for
me. But | see, also, that actual impiety is
not always hereditary; that Is good news for
my son.
JACK ON a BENDER"-An old salt who
had been on " bender" had got what might
be termed sublimely mystfed by his frequent
mbibings of the critter." Staggering along
the street, he thought to 90 TO the theatre
and pass the remainder of the evening. Fol
lowing some men whom he thought bound on
the same voyage, he found himself in what
he took to be the pit but it happened to be
a Westinghouse, and the minister was preach
ing from the text wherein Is mentioned the
sheep and the goat-and, in order to make an
impression upon the congregation, he put the
significant question: . Who would wish TO
be goat?" and paused, and then, with still
greater emphasis, asked Who will be a
goat :" Oar tipsy sailor could not brook the
DELAY, and at once responded: e" As nobody
else will be it. I'll be the (hic) goat, rather
(hic) than the play should stop =
THE MILLEE's PoRTRAIT.-A worthy miller,
wishing for portrait of himself, applied TO a
painter to have it accomplished.
But" said he, Il am very industrious
man. | want to be painted as looking out Of
nv mill window. But when any one looks at
me l wish TO pop my head in, so as not to be
thought lazy, or as spending too much time