The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1863-07-10
EDITlNc A PAPER.

1
Editing paper now is a very pleasant busi-
ness. If it contains too much political matter
people won't have it.
| Ifit contains too little, they won't have it.
| If the type is large it don't contain euougi
reading matter
If the type is small people can't read it.
Ii we publish telegraph reports folks say they
are nothing but lies
Il we omit them; they sayswe have nc easer
prise or suppress them for polifieal effect.
Ii we bave in a few jokes, folks say we arr
nothing but a rattle head
If we omit jokes, they say we are an old fossil
Ii we publish original matter, they damn us
for not giving selections.
1t we publish selections folks say we are lazy
for not writing more and giving what they have
not read in some other papers.
Ii we give man complimentary notices we
are censured for being partial
1t we do not, all hands say we arc a greedy
hog.
If we insert an article which pleases the ladies,
men beome jealous.
1t we do not cater to their wishes, the paper
is not fit to have in the house.
III we attend church, they say it is only for
effect
If we do not, they denouncc US as deceitful
and desperately wicked.
If we speak well of any act of the President,
folks say we dare not do otherwise.
If we censure him they call us traitor.
If we remain in the office and attend to bust
ness, folks say we are too proud to mingle with
other fellows.
If we so out they say we never attend to bu-
siness
If we do not pay all bills promptly, folks say
we are not to be trusted. sr
If we do pay promptly, they say we steal the
money.
If we wear poor clothes, they say business is
poor. a
If we wear good ones they say we are a
spendthrift
Now what is poor fellow to do?
PuzzIING A LAWYER. Everybody in Phila-
delphia, and out of Philadelphia, we believe.
(says the Germantown 1eLguph,) knows, OF has
heard of Gottlieb Scheerer, a tall, robust, we'll
formed German, with a small twinkling eye,
and a LOOK that ieiis yor s.sito as ufsrrflotly
as language, that he knows thing or two y
Being called upon the stand as witness on ono
occasion, he was catechised rather severely,
Gas the story goes,)by Mr. Dallas, who expected
to make out a strong point, by eliciting some
thing from the following questions:
'Were you at Harrisburg, Mr.. Scheerer, in
December
sAt Harrisburg in December, did you say,
Mr. Dallas?
Yes sir, said at Harrisburg in December
Putting his head down thoughtfully for a
moment, he replied:
NO, sir, was not
Were you at Harrisburg in January, Mr.,
Scheerer?'
sAt Harrisburg in January, did you say,
Mr.. Dallas?'
'Yes, sir at Harrisburg in January
Relapsing into thoughtful mood for q mo-
ment, he replied:
No, sir was not in Harrisburg in January
well, Mr.. Scheerer, were you in Harrisburg
in February?
Did you say at Harrisburg in February, Mr..
Dallas?
yes, sir,-answer me if you please said
at Harrisburg in February
Studying moment or two, as before
sNo, sir, was not at Harrisburg in Februa-
ry.'
Getting somewhat out Of patience with him,
Mr.. Dallas elevated his tone and liercely de-
manded:
SAT wha. time, then sir, were you at
Harrisburg
AT HarrsburgY AT Harrisburg, did you
say, Mr.. Dallas?
yes yelled the now nfuriated lawyer 'at
Harrisburg
Again the head dropped, and the man once
more thought for moment, but his head sud-
denly raised, and a smile playing over his fea-
lures, replied:
MIR. Dallas, was never at Harrisburg in my
life.'
OF course the court adjourned nstanter