Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1863-09-10
Miscellaneous Items.

A WoMAS's PRIDE ND A SAILORS GUIDE
The needle.
A Pathological DIsCovERY.-The first apple
was eaten by the first pair.
What kind of a horse should a person
drive during Lent? A g fast" horse.
When is a soldiers ammunition box like
country road; When it is full of cart
ridges.
COZ COURSE !"-We suppose that ''show-
err Of gold must be composed of raining
(reigamg) sovereigns.
Why is blacksmith like safe steed :?
Because one is a horse-shoer and the other is
SIRE horse.
= Tmon remarks tnat soldier is superior
to civilian, because the former is tho ration
al being
=" Can you tell me how to find the sher-
IFS office = Yes, every time you earn five
dollars, spend ten"
- Bacon says that labor conquers all
things, but idleness conquers more people
than labor does.
-" Beautiful wcther!" as the gentleman
said when he Glanced to get tender piece
Of mutton on his plate, one day at dinner.
- The Southern Confederacy is called by
some writer's Golgotha, or place of skulls"
Of aeoeneshuLls, certainly.
= They are going, if they possibly can, to
bTeech SUMTER incest Charleston, and then
sack the whole concern
Labor is the parent of all the lasting
worders of this world, whether in verse or
stone, whether poetry or pyramids,
A western editor was lately shot in an
at1ray. Luckily, the ball came against a bun
die of u paid accounts in his pocket. Gun
powder uld not get through that!
-" Pat if Mr.. Jones comes before my
return, tell him that | will meet him at two
o'clock" "Ay ay, sir; but what shall | tell
him if he don't come ,"
Wherefore is a negro, with no hair on
his head like a candidate for club who has
been rejected by its members? Because he's
black bald individual
ZooLoGIcAL.-The table which was set in
roar" has been presented as an ornament
to the lions cage of the Regents Park Gar
dens.
A clergymen was once asked whether
the members of the church were united He
replied they were perfectly unitcd-trozen
together.
The administration of small pieces of ice
has been found by Frence physician almost
sure remedy for diptheria and kindred dis
eases of the throat
a young widow who edits paper out
West, says: We do not look so well to-day
as usual, on account of the non-arrivaI of the
mails"
You have only yourself to please, said
a married friend to an old bachelor. "True,"
replied he, " but you cannot tell what diff
ficult task | find it."
Why is the letter the happiest of the
vowels? The answer is: Because i is in the
midst of bliss, e is in hell and all the rest are
in purgatory.
A western editor was recently requested
to send his paper to Il distant patron, provided
he would take his pay in "traid." At the
end of year he found that the new subscri-
Der was Il coilin-makCr.
At a young ladies' school, not the most
promising pupil was asked, Mary, did Mar
tin Luther die a natural death?" "No," was
the prompt reply, che was communicated
by a bull"
- One day, at farm house, a wag saw an
old gobbler trying to eat the strings of some
night caps that lay on the grass to bleach
That" said he, is what | call introducing
cotton into Turkey"
What is the most noticeable difference
between a shell bursting on board ship and
tailor patromzcd by dlsSlpatcd young men :?
The one rakes the decks while the other
decks the rakes.
At a hotel table, one boarder remarked
to another: This must be a healthy place
for chickens"
''Why 5" asked the other
Because l never see any dead ones here
abouts."
At Saratoga, the other morning, the poet
SAKE, after disposing of a draught of Con
gress, overcome by the heat, leisurely re-
clined against the bottling house of Clark &
White. Alexander was passing and seeing
SAKE in that position, facetously asked, Z" Are
YOU the proprietor of this establishment, sir ~
ono" was the ready reply, 81 am not the
proprietor of this establishment but, as you
perceive, have heavy LEAN upon it."
Quick WORK ON A FoRTNIGHT's NOTICE.
g But if place my money in the savings
bank, inquired one of the newly arrived,
when can l draw it out again ," "Oh, -
responded his Hibernian friend, "sure an if
you put in to day, you can get it out again
tomorrow, by giving a fortnights notice"
Gen. Grant smoked cigar while he was
going out from his works to accept the sur
render of Yicksburg. Gen. Gilmore, not
being addicted to "small vices" seems dis
posed, in his little affair with Charleston, to
Lot how 40 ba 7 o,,;c,r;Uo