Indiana State sentinel. (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1861-1865, 1863-12-28
Letter from MAJOR Jack Downing.
WASHINGTON. Dee. TO- 1863
To the Edlers Of tle DsbOok:


Letter from MAJOR Jack Downing.
WAsHISGToS. Dec. 10, 1868
To the Edifers of the DsbOOk:
SURs-Wen writ yon last, the Messge want
finished. Wal, sich time as we had in fnishin
that docyment YOU never did see. The Kernel
and set up all mite long three or fore mites, but
il was nigh about onpossibul TO get it 70 suit him.
he would get it fixed, an then Seward would
cum in and say il was too bold. Then Chase
he'd come and say il warn't bold enuf and
fnally telled him TO make il as old Deacon
Grimes did his oven He wanted TO know how
that was. Wal, teled him it was this way:
The Deacon built an oven faen 70 the North,
wen one of his Majors cum along an sed that
would never do, as the North wind would blow
rite in the mouth of the oven. So the old man
turned il around. and put the face TO the South.
Pretty soon another nabor cum along. ses he,
Deacon, 1t will never do 10 have that oven face
the South, for there Amt any wind so clustering
as the South wind" So the Deacon turned il
around to the West Pretty soon a man cum
along, an ses he, Deacon, don't you know
that the worst showers and HURRICANES we have
always cum from the WestI Ii will never DO
to face your oven that way" So the Deacon
determined TO change il around 10 the East. He
hadn't more than got il dun before anothey nabur
cum along, an ses be, "Why, Deacon Grimes,
I'm perfectly astonished to see you buildin an
u.
wind SO sarchin and penetratin the east wind.
an it will blow your FIRE all out Of the oven"
wal, ses the deacon, perfectly discouraged,
"I'll suit you all. I'll build MY oven on pivot,
an wen you cum along you can turn it around
jest as you want it," Now" ses /, Kernel,
that's the way to fix your message" Ses be.
"thats fact; the only trubbil is to fix pivot on
which it can turn" oval" ses j, "that is the
easiest thing in the world. Take the niger for
the pivot, it will suit every man in your party.
| The only difference betweeA 'em is, that some
don't like to look him square in the face. That
sort kin turn your message around a little, and
then they will see the niger sideways; and those
| that can't stand that kin turn il clear around an
then they will then the niger in the back, but
il will be niger all the tmel" The Kernel
said it was capital idee and he ment to carry it
out.
1t got noised around that the Kornel was comm
out with some big thing in bis messige, an every
| Congressman, when he got Washington, run rite
to the White House to give the Kernel advice.
They nigh about run him TO deth. Wal" sss /,
Kernel. make believe you're sick" "Sho,"
ses he, THAT wont do bit of good. I've tried
it often, and they bored me than ever"
"Wall." ses /, tell em you've got the scarlet
fever, that will scare 'em away" The Kernel
sed it was fust rate idee, and so it was an
nounced that the President had the scarlet fever;
but it didn't do much good. Sum staid away,
i. ''Kernel, this is TO bad here it is almost time
for Congress TO meet, Messige dun Yet.
jest let the reporters announce that you've gOs
the small pox and there won't be a mothers sen
of 'em cum within gunshOt of you. Then you
Can tx your MesSge, put in that patent pivot, an
grease things up generally, so they'll run another
year without teching." The Kernel sed there
was no other way than to do it. When il got out
that the Kernel had the small pox, you never see
sech a calm. The White House was nigh
about deserted, and it seemed like Sunday
UP in Maine. The Kernel then SET rite down 70
his Message and worked ike a beever. He sed
he could alters soon put thing in shape after the
foundashun timbers we're laid An so he did.
When he got it finished, he called Seward an req
it TO him. He sed il was capitul. Then be seut
for Chase, an he sed ii all rite. Now"
ses /, "kernel, send for War Dimmycrat, an
see how he'll like it," When ! sed this, the
Kernel LATED rite out. SEES he, "Maier, you're
jokin-l know are" Ses he, 1.-The War
Dimmyerats remind me of story of bar buntin
out West. Old Josh MuggiD had a young dog
wich was very fierce for bars. So one day be TUX
, him along in a hunt Ia the very first ite the
bar bit the dogs tail of. and away he run, yelpin
and barkin like mad, an Josh could never get his
dog 20 fife bars after that Now, il is Jest so with
the War Dimmycrats They were very fierce 20
fife me if ! issued my Emancpsshin Proclans-
shin, but did it, and by dom, cut their tails
/ M,
sence an they won't. Mol rally wish hadn't
any more trubbi on hand than the War Dimmy-
, Gratis will give me"
Ses |, "Kernei, l think you are rather hard or
the War Demmycrats. They supported you be-
, cause they thought you was tryin to restore the
Union, but now wen they read your messige and
see that YOU won't have the Union eny how they
will say you deceived them, and Won may find
'em the most trubbilsum customers you've vet
| II Al v.TA 49, a.
Government, but now wen they see that you won't
sustain it, they may turn on you wus than the
copperheads haye;" and ses |, Kernel, you Jest
. | get the DENNY rats united, and ! shudn't won
der il they wud be after this, and then let your
Miss Nancy Aboshionsts look out, for there
won't be as much left of EN- as there was Of Bill
Peeler's dog after his panther Ste" Ses the
Kernel, ses he, show much was thatf Nv al
ses the Kernal, I've got 70 60 ahead,
no matter who don't Ike it, or who
gifts licked in the fte. I'm in the abolishin
bote, and you can't stop it now eny
more than you can put Lake Superior 10 quart
bottle" SEES |, "Go ahed. Kernel; l alters ike
to see a man bold and strong on his own princi-
Piles. There's nothin like pluck Let every
body know list what you mean, AID then If they
support YOU il is their own fault" wal" ses
he. .'aiu't plain enuf this time(" Yes" ses |.
KERNEL, all but the amnesty part--that's kinder
pettyfogy." wal" ses he, "Majer, men that
can't see hole through ladder ought to be
humbugged. Ses l. "Mebby that's so, but we
. shall AL know more about who is humbugged
and who isn't, after The war is over"
But never did see people so tickled over the
Message as the Republicans all are. They say
, it is jest the thing-that it is goin 10 wipe out
slavery, and prevent the Union as il WIS" ever
being restored; and then it is dan so cutely, that
. good menny people wont see through it. That
amnesty dodge throws dust in their ewes, and
0 kinder sounds generous like.
There's great fife comm off among the abo-
a ltionists about who's to be run for next Presi-
dent, and think I'll hev some news for you
afore long. Enyhow. shall keep my eyes open
as ushil Yourn, till deth.
MAJER JACK DowEIsG.
Copperhcadism.
Mr.. Fessenden remarked the other day, in the
. Senate. that when Congress gave the heads Of