Fremont journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County [Ohio]) 1853-1866, 1863-09-18

"If body meet body in bag Of beans.
Can a body tell body what body means.
TSHAKspFARF

BEANS.
"If body meet body in bag Of beans.
Can body tell body what body means"
ISHAKsPEARE.
veritable history Of the Bean must Of ne
cessity be somewhat windy; and the fragrance
thereof is not that of roses or pine-spples -
Truth, indeed, compels us to confess that the
subject stinkeih. Still we will do our endeavor
to offend the ears and noses Of our readers as
little as may be.
THR PLANTING or TIM BRAN.
The Bean was planted at Bucyrus in the good
Buckeye State The soil was good and the
Bean sprang up, hourished and grew. Yet no
sooner was it well grown, than it began to suck
out the life of those who planted it, So great
was the power Of its suction, that it drew more
than one thousand dollars from the pocket of
one of them who had signed bond for its aid.
1t also extended its roots in the direction ofcer-
tain Barrels, marked Old Bourbon X XXX
which being interpreted, means .'rot-gut whis-
KY" warranted to kill at forty rods. And in no
long time AFTER the roots reached said barrels,
they were found to be empty
THR BEAN vIsIrKrH WASHINGTON
Having sucked the said friends and the said
barrels dry, the Bean spread out its branches,
aud reached that great city, whereof it is said
that as soon as a man breatbes the air, he feels
that he must steal something. In this atmos-
phere the Bean grew, and hourished still more
The climate and soil were found TO agree well
with its constitution, and now the suction of the
Bean became marvellous. 1t sucked up S5,000
and behold the Bean stank more than before,
insomuch that all those who touched it were
fan to hold their noses And still the Bean ex-
tended its roots toward all the barrels marked
Rum Brandy, Gin and Whisky, and behold the
said barrels were speedily empty, and the color
of the Bean began to be red.
THE BEAN TRANsPLANrED TO FREMONT
The Bean having heard that whisky was
abundant in Fremont, and that its democracy
were verdant and succulent, caused itself to be
transplanted, and set in the goody soil of San
dusky. And here also its suction was marvel
lous. 1t sucked whisky, rum and brandy, as
before. II also sucked the pockets ofits friends,
and still it stank more and more.
And now arose in the land mighty war, and
men stood up to destroy and overthrow the gov
ernment thereof Then the Bean spread out its
branches, and defended the destroyers. But now
it could no longer suck whisky on trust, and the
pockets of its friends were dry, so the Bean re-
pented and resolved to go to the war.
THE BRAN GoETH TO THE WAR.
And now the Bean put on gay colors, even
rcd and blue, and still it sucked the pockets of
all who came near it, but now it sucked the
men of the war, and they yielded about fourteen
dollars each, and still it stank. And when the
Bean reached the battle field, it was filed with
spirit but not the spirit of war. 1t lifted up it.
self but not against the enemy 1t contended
for the mastery in sucking whisky, and it fell. !
1t greveth our soul to write it, but the impartial
muse of history compelleth US to write that the
Bean was drunk, not once, nor twice, nor seven
times. The Bean was drunk in the morning,
md at midday, and in the evening; on duty and
'ff duty; on Sunday and on week day. And I
when the officers of the war perceived that The I
Bean was drunken Bean, and wthal that it
tank, they took off its gay colors, even the red
md blue and sent it home.
THE BEAN IN FREMONT AGAIN.
Then the Bean said to ITSELF my life is now
nearly spent; the whisky faileth it may be that
he democracy of Sandusky are still verdant
md succulent Twill arise and feel after them,
or can but die. SO the Bean dwelt once more
n the goodly land of Sandusky, and the dem
'crats were still verdant aud succulent, and the
whisky was plenty, and seven devils more un-
lean than the first entered into the Bean and
lwet there.