Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1863-11-07
NUMBER 9.

| A WAGER.-Dr. Jameson is one of the
most able, talented and eccentric surgeons
OF the present century. His practice
embraces large circuit, and his fame
extends to every part Of old Massachusetts.
The doctor was one morning sitting in bis
office poring over some medical work,
when u loud rap At the door aroused him.
"Come in,' said the doctor, and an old
lady hobbled into the apartment, who
seemed the very embodiment Of dirt and
negligence.
"Doc,or,:rve got dreadful sore foot
can you help t?'
Il will try-Iet ne see it.
The old crone proceeded to divest her
understanding Of the apology for a shoe.
with which it was covered, and displayed
to the astonished doctor foot-and such
foot!
LA, doctor, ye needn't be in such won.
derment about it. There's dirtier feet
than that, III warrant -ay, and dirtier
feet than that in your own house, us proud
AS the young ladies, your daughter, are,
for all that And the old hag cackled
forth her pleasure at the doctors surprise.
woman, if you can find dirtier foot
than that in my house, | will give you FIVE
dollars, and cure your foot for nothing
'Pon honor p cried the beldame.
"Pon honor" said the doctor.
The woman stripped Off the other stock.
ing. and displayed foo, that beegared
all description, grlnning in the face Of the
astonlshed doctor as she exclaimed:
"Cie me the money! knowed it; I
washed 'tother fore | came here"
HE LAWYERS AND The IRIsHNAN.-
While number of lawyers and gentlemen
were dining at Wiscasse:. few days since,
| jolly soul from the Emerald Isle ap.
peared and called for dinner.
The landlord told him he should due
when the gentlemen were done.
Let him crowd in among u.s. wh,s-
pered limb Of the law, "and We wiz
have some fun with him.
The lrshman took his seat at the table.
You was boru in tLis country, we're
you, my friend p
No, sir, l was born in Ireland"
1s your father living?"
No. sir, he is dead"
What is your occupa,;on:'
A horse jockey, sir.
What was your fathers occupation 2"
Trading horses, sir"
Did your father cheat any person
while he was here ?"
I" suppose he did cheat many, SIR
Where do you suppose he went .o?'
To heaven, sir
And what do you s'pose he is doing in
heaven?''
"Trading horses, sir.
Has he cheated any one there p
He cheated one, believe SIR
why did they not prosecute him ~
Because, they searched the whole
kingdom OF heave" and couldn't find
lawyer
WITNESS THREE Shortly before he
died, Patrick Henry, laying his hand on
the Bible, said:
Here is book worth more than all
, others, yet it is my sad misfortune never
to have read It, until lately, with proper
attention."
With voice and gesture pertinent, and
al, his own, John Randolph said:
"A terrible proof of our deep depravi,y
is, that we can realize and remember any
thing better than the Book
When the shadows Of death were gath.
ering around Sir Waller Scott be said to
The watcher:
Bring the book
What book g asked Lockhard, his
son.in law
There is but one Book" said the dy.
ing man.
Pride-lhe mist that vapors around in.
significance.
Why are book keepers like chickens?
Because they have to scratch for living?
am dying by inches" as the negro
minstrel said when culorng his hands.
If money is your God, it will be certain
to plague you like the devil
What one of the planets is supposed 10
have the most specie? The moon; be-
cause she is continually changing quarters
The mos, direct method of determining
horse powe,-e.and near, and tickle his
hind legs with briar.
! Why was last year like the second year
before last? Because one was 1860 and
| the other was lS5O two.
The man who courted an investigation
says that it isn't halt so good As coutring
an afiee,ionate girl.
The husband who devoured his wife
with kisses found afterwards that she dis.
greed with him.
Timon remarks that a soldier is supe-
rior to a civilian, because the former is
the more rational being.
The man who invented plaster that
will enable person to stick to his bust.
ness has been offered one Of the best
"holes y in California for his patent.
After quoting John Locke, that blind
man took his idea OF scarle, from the
sound Of a trumpet. a witty fellow says
that hoop skirt, hanging out Of shop
door, reminds him OF the peel Of BELLE!
Lieut. Daniels, of the Grey Beard
regiment, died at Alton, ILL.,, on the 4th
inst. He is the only officer who has died
from that regiment since its organization.