The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1863-03-18
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

MEN are very uncertain; il is much
safer TO back horse than man.. any
day. .t .
YOU'VE women should set good exam,
pies, for the young men are always fol-
lowing them,
The editor Of a Western paper says
that many of his patrons would make
good wheel horses, they hold back SC
we'll. -rli1e aau sl.i irf sa f
PUScn's last conundrum is "What's
the difference between your great coat and
baby aiuOne you wear, the other you
was" ..,.f...,. .,,........, ....... ........
TnE negroes Of Buffalo arc considering
"hetherNthey had better form regiment
or not. The "nots" seem in the ascen.
dancy.
A MAN being asked, as he lay summing
himself on the grass, what was the height
of his ambilionl replied, "To marry n
rich widow with bad cough" tiGp.og
A MINISTER, putting his hand upon an
urchin's shoulder, exclaimed "My sou,
| believe the devil has got hold of YOU"
Il believe ho has too" was the reply.
Mn. S., if you will get my coat
done by next Saturday night, | shall be
forever indebted 10 you" at won't be
DONE" said the tailor, "upon such terms"
AN incorrigible wag, who lent minis
Ter horse which ran away and threw
his clerical rider, thought he should have
some credit for his aid in spreading tie
gospel. "A. ... .,.. .-....
Prentice inc:sivciy says: various
places the rebels have had blocks Of wood
painted TO resemble cannon, and we, not
to be behind them in strategy, have quite
rs often had blockhcads dressed up and
titled TO resemble Generals" -. -t
CLARA had slept with her mother un-
til about two and half years old, when,
TO her great delight, her father gave her
nice little crib. On the same day,
meeting n friend Of The family, she burst
forth: "Oh, aurtie, auntic, mama's big
bed has got little baby" ..
AT Women's Convention, gentle
man remarked that woman was the
most wicked thing in creation. "Sir,"
replied Indignantly one of the ladies,
"owoman was made from man, and if one
rib is SO wicked, what must the whole
body be!" r
RECENTLY, while the Court was in
session at certain town in New England,
the sheriff was startled by the following
mandates from the Bench: "Mr. Sher-
iff, rcnovate the fire, as the pedal digits
of the Court are becoming frigid. Dis
solve frigus lgna foco, Large reponens,
Yes, y'r Honor" replied the official nd
dressed, adding after moments rcflec-
ton, blieve So" %
The .Winstead, Connecticut, Herald
says That tho ladies in that town, the
skating having given out, have taken tc
kicking. They stick ponknifc into o
door, about three feet from the ground
and kick at it; if they hit it they take il
out and stick it in higher up. This wa,
getting to be fhv0rite exercise, aud I
good many girls could kick pretty high
but the amusement has come to sudder
end, through an accident TO young mar
ried lady Of the place, who, at the frs
vigorous kick, went over backwards upor
the floor, injuring herself severely. The
ladies dare moi do it any more.
A New England paper says: ave
heard man congratulating himself OF
being exempt, the other day, upor
grounds that we should not consider il
the highest degree exhiIarating, though he
appeared to bo quite transported iii con
templating them. r.
"' nm exempt he shouted, rubbing
his hands in glee, his face expressive o.
violent JOY. aura
How so 2 we askcd.ai .."s 7e
al haiut got only one lung he yell
ed; pulmonary consumption has got the
other-ha, ha and haint got only one
lung! ha, ha, har and he laughed until
he was seized with u coughing fit which
threatened to relieve pulmonary consump-
of using up the other lung"
"TnE first class in geography stand up.
James, what is geography
biography is n cripiion of the airth."
"Good. Where is tho State of Mass
achusetts?" .i .'' f1i'7--
I" All right two to one on abolitiou-
ism. Daddy jined them last week.
"Silence! Robert, how is The State
Of Massachusetts bounded?"
Bounded by the Maine Liquor Law
and Atlantic Ocean on the east and
north; on the south and west by wooden
nutmegs, abolitionists, railroads, etc"
"What are its productions?"
Snow storms, hard-up authors, gov
crnment contractors, fish-oil, clam bakes,
nbolitionists, yeller dogs, etc. gg
What are its animal productions !"
"Minco pies, sassages, Gougbnuts, dau-
dies and swaler.iailed coats"