Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1863-12-17
all Sorts of Items.

- Few women are so modest as to be I'M
willing to sit in the lap of ease and luxury
- Single blessedness, like mans fist, be-
comes stronger by being doubled.
When do sheep become stationery?
When they are turned into pens.
1t is well that the poets heart is full of
sympathy he finds little elsewhere.
- Why should you be justified in picking
the pockets of a vender in engravings? Be
cause he has pict ares
- Napoleon is going to smoke out the
Mexican guerillas: Mighty poor smoking.
They are only "half Spanish"
- Well behaved boys may be called youn-
kers; but rude and vulgar ones are nothing
but young ours
- Why is child a year old like sugar
bowl? Give it up? Because it's teeth
ing (tea thng)
Mrs. Darlington says that because dan
cling girls are stars, it is no reason that they
should be regarded as heavenly bodies.
Some poet says the wind kisses the waves
That we suppose, is the celebrated g kiss for
blow, "about which we have heard so much
Young lovers should remember that the
most fercely- burning fire-brands are those
klndlcd at the altar.
-" Hurrah This famous old shout is a
a Scalvonic word, meaning in English, "To
the Paradise. "
The man who beats the drum for the
" March of Time, has gone to play on the
Horn of Plenty"
old people are not unfrequently like
ships, moving slower the longer they have
been going, and on similar grounds-the adj
hesion of weeds and barnaces.
The soul ola young woman is a ripe rose;
as soon as one leaf is plucked all its mates ca
silly fall after. And a kiss may sometimes
break out the first leaf.
An Iowa editor acknowledges the receipt
Of congressional documents =" in advance of
the mail, in consequence of a flock of wolves
and bears chasing the post rider across the
the prairies.
Mrs. Opie said, talking of Byron, ellis
voice was such voice as the devil tempted
Eve with you feared its destinations the mo-
ment you heard it."
A wag, upon visiting medical museum,
was shown some dwarfs, and other specimens
Of mortality, all preserved in alcohol. "Wcll,"
said he, 81 never thought the dead could be
in such spirits"
= The late Dr. West having married very
tall lady, whose name was Experience, was
asked his opinion of matrimony to which he
replied that "by long Experience, he had
found it be very comfortable thing"
A college student being examined in
Locke, where he speaks of our relations to
the Deity, was asked, "What relations do we
most neglect" when he answered with much
simplicity, " Poor relations, sir"
=" Going to be liberal in forcing men to
@ A. e..
put by contemporary upon the Geographic an
nouncement that the government will give
the enrolment act the most liberal construc-
ton possible.
-'I wish YOU would not give me such
short weight for my money, said customer
to the grocer who had an outstanding bill
against him. "And wish you wouldn't give
me such long wait for mine, replied the gro
Ger.
A young lady of extraordinary capacity,
addessed the following letter to her cousin:
owe is all well, and mothers got the his
Terrix brother Tom is got the Hupin Kaugh
and sister Ann has gotta babee, and l hope
these few lines will find you the same. Rite
sune. Your aphectionate kuzzen."
"A little boy once said to his aunt
" Aunty, should think that Satan must be
an awful trouble to God" "He must be
trouble enough, indeed, l should think" she
answered 81 don't see how he came to turn
out so, when there was de0a 10 put him ND
to IT,"
On the occasion of magic-lantern ex-
hibition, the scene of the children of Israel
crossing the Red Sea was given and the
small children were asked if they could tell
what it represented. One little fellow imme-
diately sang out, Burnside crossing the Rap
pahannock"
-"We1, suppose you have been out to
look at Texas-did you see anything of our
old friend Jim, out there 2"
Yes; gone deranged.
"Gone deranged! how! What does he do?
Real crazy?"
Yes, indeed: he doesn't know his own
hogs from his neighbor's.
The commanding officers of the United
States steamers Reliance and Satellite, named
Walters and Robinson, are dismissed from the
navy for neglect of duty in being unprepared
for the attack made upon them by the rebels
at the mouth of tho Rappahannock.