The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1863-09-19
ARTEMUS WARD To THE PRINCE
OF WALES.

member you too. SeIcom torglt person.
I hearn of your marrige to the Printcis
Alexandry, and ment ter writ you a con-
I gratoolatory letter at the time, but I've bin
bildin barn this summer, d hain't had nc
time to write letters to folks. Excoos me.
Numeris changes has token place since
we met in the body polite. The body pol
itic, in fack, is sick. l sumtimes think it
has got biles, friend Wales. s-=a5.-
In my country we've got a war, while
your country, in eonjunktion with Gap'n
SENS of the Alobarmy, manetanes nootraI
positionl
I'm afraid I can't write goaks, when I sit
about it. Oh5no. 1 guess not
Yes, sir, we've got a war, and the troo
Patrit has to make sacrifsses, you bet.
have alreddy given two cousins to the
war, and l stand reddy to sacrifss my wife's
brother ruther'n not see the rebelyiu crusht.
And if wuss comes to wuss I'll shed ev'ry
drop of blud my ablebodid relations has
got to prosekoot the war. think sumbody
oughter be prosekooted, & it may as well be
the war as anybody else. When l git a
goakin fit onto me it's no use to try ter stop
me.
You hearn about the draft, friend Wales,
no doubt. 1t caused sum squirmin, but it
was fairly conducted, think, for it hit all
classes. 1t is troo that Wendill Phillips,
who is a American citizen of African scent,
escaped, but so did Vallandiggum, who is
ConserVativ, and who was resuntly sent
South, tho he would have bin sent to the
Dry Tortoogus if Abe had sposed for mint
that the Torloogusses would keep him.
We hain't got any daily paper in our
town, but we've got female SEWN circle,
which ansers the same purpuss, and we
WASH T. long in suspents as to who was
drafted.
One young man who was drawd claimed
to be exemp because he was the only son of
a widow'd mother who supported him. A
few able bodied dead men was drafted, but
whether their heirs will have to pay hun
drid dollars peace for 'em is a question for
Within, who pears to be tinkerin up this
draft bizniss right smart. l hope be makes
good wages.
think most Of the conscrips in this place
will go. A few will go to Canady, stoppin'
while on their way at Concord, N. H.,
where understan there is Muslum of
Hairs.
You see I'm sassy, friend Wales, hittin
amt politician, and never was. vote
for Mr.. Union-tnat's the only candidate
have got. l claim, howsever, to have a
we'll balanced mind; tho my idees of we'll
balanced mind differs from the idees of a
partner l once bad, whose name it was Bill
son. Billson and me orjanized a strollin
dramatic company, & we played The Drunk
ard, or the Falling Saved, with real
drunkard. The play didn't take particularly,
and says Billson to me, Let's give 'em sum
immoral dramy. We had large troop on
to our hands, consistiu of eight tragedans
and bass drum, but says, No, Billson !;
and then says 1, Billson. you hain't got a
we'll balanced mind Says he, Yes, 1 have,
old hoss.iiy Che was low cuss)-yes, l
have. 1 have a mind, says he, that bal
ances in any direction that the public mind
rekires. That's wot [ call well balanced
mind. I sold out and bid adoo to Bllson.
He is now an outcast in the State of Yer
mont. The miser'ble man once played
Hamlet. There wasn't any orchestry, and
wishin to expire to slow moosic, he died
playin on claironett himself, interspersed
with hart-rendin groans, & such is the
world Alars! alars! how onthankful we air
to that Providence which kindly allows US
to live and borrow money, and fail and do
bizniss ar.
But to return to our subjeck. With our
resunt great triumps on the Mississippi, the
Father of Waters land them isiBaters no
father need feel 'shamed of-twig the witt
kism?) and the cheerin look of things gen
erly, reckon we shan't want any Muslum
of Harris. And what upon airth do the peo-
pie of Concord. N. H., want Muslum of
Harris for? Hain't you got the State House
now? & what more do you want?
But all this is Turin to the purpuss of
this note, arter all. Ny object in addressin
you now is to Civ you sum advice, friend
w ssiisss. about managin your wife--a bizniss
I've had over rttSS ;:rtv years. experience in.
You bad a good weddin. IN Inc Tfaapers hav
a good deal to say about "yikins'' in con /
nection tharewith Not knowings what that
air, and so frankly tells you, my noble lord /
dock of the throne, can't zackly say wheth- |
er we had 'em or not. We was both very
much illustrated. But never injoyed my
self better in my life.
Dowtless, your supper was ahead Of ourn.
As regards eatin uses Baldinsvile was alters
shaky. But you can git a good meal in
New York, and cheap too. You can git
half mackril at Delmonico's or Mr.. Mason
Dory for six dollars, and billed pertaters
throW'd in.
AS sed, manige my wife without any
partickler trouble. When commenst train
in her instooted a series of experiments,
and them as didn't work I abanding'd. You
had better do similer Your wife may OBJ
jeck to gittin' up and bildin the FIRE in the
mornin'. but if you commence with her at
once you may be able to overkum this pre-
joodiss. regret to obsarve that didn't
commence arly enuff. Iwouldn't have you
s'pose / was ever kicked out of bed Not