The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1863-07-07
From Artemus Ward Jr...He Wis
Its Richmond.


to have Peas as long as the fte goes on
No much. The sympathizing Demos promist
that these rebellion sbood be over as coon
as they was lected, an they air don, all in
their power 10 get it all overall over the
North. You Good stick NOR loyalty in
chickens ear than such men possess.
The other day I 'piuted myself commit.
tee Of the whole to 90 to Richmond and see
ifI coodont convins jefferson Davis ov the
error ov his way, and persuade him to jine
the Young mems Christian Association.
Something must be did TO have the war stopt
or by the time it's ended the Northern sym.
pathizers will have no Southern bretheren or
no Constitution, or no Declaration OF Injypen-
pendence, or no nothing or anything else.-
None.
But I was goin to tell you about me trip
TO the capital of the Southern Conthieveracy.
1t was bootiful mornin that started-nary
cloud obskewered the Orb ov day-and l
rove at the secesh lines.
In doc corse of mail l arrow in Richmon.-
unfolded the mission, and was ushered into
J. Davis orgust presents. He'd jist returned
form his speechifyin tower.
"Tap your Upper, ole Covey," seq I ad
dressiu him in the F. F. VS. approved der
lect, rf e
snake known your biznes," seq be. "Pm
gettin up proclau alton for the exterminat-
ion on of the hole Yankee nation, and arnt
got much leisure for emmy other ockupation."
Il come" sez /, son mission of peas--
Your cor perbead friends in the North will
soon cease to exist, Of things carnt be arraug-
ed to prohibit the Unionisters tearing the con-
siitoosh"
"What terms do you offcrp queried JEFF.
"Wall, sez I, II air instructed by the
Copperheads Wood, Stiles & Co. !. you know
propose anything which will most disgrace
the North. You can take your uiggers all
over creation including Jarsay."
Wood that be Constitutional" 7" arsk j.
D., with a slight twinkle ov his eye.
SO" sez /, ats matter Of no difference
how much you chaps broke that artikil to
severe the Union, 80 the Republicans air stopt
from doing the same TO ke'? said Union to-
gether. That's what your 'pgth'ren chums
warnt to see dun"
"wall" seq the Cornfed, President, :" ef
your gov'ment will let us secesh, and will pay
all our debts, and will give us Brute Butler
to hang we might come TO terms. t.
'' Is thar nothin else you Good wish y
"Wall, yes-give us all the territories"
"Notbing elsel"
"Tbrow in or free States-New York.
Pennsylvania, and Massachusetts,, for instaus."
"Nothing elsei"
"You might include old Lincoln's he'd"
"Csrn't you think of nothing elsep 1Is t
"Yes--in footer we must have oil we ask"
al. Davis, sez ], a. hev no doubt
your frents 10 the North would make al
these concession, an more too; but il has just
occurred to me that thar was nothin sed to
Old Abe about il be4 left Washington =
Shouldn't wonder ef he'd object to the plan
somo. But your Democrat friends air doin
all they kin for you" H'i..'
"I know, sez ]. D.; "and that's what
keeps our apirts up. We air waiting for them
TO get iu power, aud then we expect to get all
we arsk. And yet US shivilry consider 'em
the most contemplate set Of dirt eating COW.
ards in the North. We could buy 'em all
for Confed. Shinplaster."
Those was my opinion 2.
jeff arsk me to stop aud take 7 with him
sud ] kindly stopt. IF q secesh President
don't get anything better for the stummick's
sake, as then was on the table may A. W.,
Jr.,. be preserved from such fate.
"P'rhaps you've eaten better Pork than
this, but ils the best I've got" SEE JEFF.
"Yes" sez l, "that's. putty mean Ham,
but I've seen laundering site meaner in
Washington"
"What kinds thatl". he demanded.
"Vallandig- g-ham." lN
Ate, supper scottish looking chap entered
who staggered up to JEFF, throyed up his hat
and shouted:
"Nother vic hic.toryi Washington taken
psis' uer--bic! Old Abe Greedy captured
bicl Horace Lincoln badly killed! and
George B. McBurnsids s'r'nd'IJ-hicP
The cuS was old John Fletcher, 10 his fa.
nous roll ov the Drunksrd. Johu only gets
tight but once a year, which IL on New
Years.
N. Bile stays drguk till neIt Nov
Years.
But I returned to Washington di'gusted
with all peas measures. The sympth'ssrs
may do their own dirtea,ing in the footur as
,bev bave dope Ia the parst. An percbaus--