Dayton daily empire. [volume] (Dayton [Ohio]) 1850-1865, 1863-04-17
from ne rev York wond.l
Funk.

Eumk.
Az agricultural Cicero, named Funk, has
recently rualed the droWsy calm Of the llli-
nois Senate. He has made q speech. IL is
not, perhaps, equal in some respects to the
orations Of Mr Burke or Daniel Webster, but
il has the advantage OF having been deliver
ed on samller provocation than ever moved
either Of those illustrious orators to eloquence.
II is, in fact, not very easy TO see why Funk
should have gone TO the length OF making
any speech whatever, considering that the
subject matter OF his observations consists
chiefly Of reiterated asseverRtions that he
pays $4,000 per annum in taxes, and that it
would afford him the serenest rapture 10 light
the entire Senate. II heightens ones respect
for legislator il is true, TO be made aware
that he pays so respectable sum a. $4,000
each year in tribute TO the state. But Funk $
fury annuls the sentiment awakened by his
| funds The spectacle Of = midde-sged
gentleman in paroxysms OF forensic zeal
upsetting the inkstands and hats Of his collea-
CUES, At all times ludicrous, becomes hyperboli-
cal when that middle-sged gentleman com
menoes every outburst with an alusion to bis
taxes, and rounds every period by squarng
of and sparring wildly at imaginary foes.
Throughout his speech Funk exhibits the
deepest desire to have somebody come on.
So strenuous is he upon this point that he
holds out delicate little inducements TO the
reluctant He is, he remarks, an old man OF
sxty-6ve He throws out his six decades as
kind Of bait to the younger athletes Of the
Senate. He offers liberal option OF weapons.
He will fight with pins or paixhans; "ttom
the point Of pin to a cannon's mouth, as
he anti-thetically phrases it. He has made
up his mind to risk his life--to put his princi.
| pal arteries in jeopardy. He again invites
the Senate to "come on" Nobody comes.
Funk upsets an inkstand and sits down upon
| it
The reader will doubtless await with some
curiosity an explanation OF the motive OF
Funks tempestuous wrath. The report Of
the proceedings gives no clue to this point
and we are left at the mercy Of conjecture
Funk may have been stimulated by that capri
cous aud indiserminate rage which now and
then fres the bosom Of the bilious, or he may
have been exasperated by a bunion. At any
any rate, he had no visible pretext for emit
ting such thunder gust of defiance His
colleagues seemed 10 be animated BY no senti
ments of hostility toward him. They sat dur
ing his speech In the favorits attitude of ives
tern legislators, with their heels ia the air
calmly expectoratiug The invitations of the
furious rustic to come on were stoicslly disre
garded Nobody wanted to come on. -
Funk insisted upon being jepardized. The
Senate declined to imperil hair Of his vene
rable but illogical head This resolute absti
nence from proffered fisticuffs moved Funk tC
spasms of denuncistion. They were traitors
at heart, he said de wanted them hanged
He would be glad to perform that jocund Off
CO for them, each and all He could then die
happy and be gathered to his ancestral Funk'
in peace.
He might have rejoined those revered mum
mics without being celebrated in these col
umns if some indiscret admirer had not taker
upon himselfthe office of reprinting his speecl
and distributing it the other night at the Coop
er Institute meeting. The motive of th
publication OF Funks eccentricities is no
clearly apparent but it inaugurates system
against which, as defenders Of the rights ant
privileges Of popular assemblies we are bount
to protest Men attend pnblic meetings 70
the purpose Of listening TO the utteranees o
wisdom, not of perusing the words Of wrath
, II attendance at political gathering carrie
with it the penalty of having this sort q
literature thrust upon one, there is an end q
public gatherings 1t is generally tediou
enough for mortal endurance 10 listen to tn
, orators. But when to this the WEAKNESS q
pamphlets is super-Rdded, the most stalwaI
fortitude must give way. Fnnk's admirer ha
done him a questionable service in serving u
colo to a New-York audience the ludicrou
$ fury which few weeks since WIS served n
hot to the Illinoisians.