North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1863-01-21
VOL. 9, NO. "a.

thing more than from poor to middlin.s Ef
can't be President, don't Soc what sd
arth was made for.'
oval" ses I, Kernel, perhsp, you are
like the old QuaSer's dog" Ses he, chow
was that, Majer ?'' oval" ses I, "pu tell
y"u the story. Up in Maine, not far from
O"wnlngEile, there used to live an old Qua.
ker named Hezekiah Peabody. He had
yaler dog that was allus loungin around the
house. One day Sol Hopkins, q rough old
teller, cum along, an ses he, Mr.. PEABODY.
| want dog to hunt foxes. Do you think
yonr dog is good for foxes2' Now sss
the Quaker, nebor Solomon, T never triad
the dog on foxes, for the huntiu of any ami.
mails is not my business but if thee vishsa
dog for foxes, accordin to the Scriptures.
this dog must be good dog for foxes.'-
WAL will you warrant him e good dog for
'ozes cannot do that nebor Solomon.
Tor never tried him ON foxes but accord.
IN to the Scriptures, thee can be sure thx
dog is good for foxes So old Sol, thinkin
that scTiptur proof must be good, give the
Quaker five dollars for his dog. He took
him hum, aD the next day he saw fox rum
ming across one of his lots. So he called thu
dog an showed him the fox, but he wouldn't
stir an inch after him. This made old Sol
terrible mad, an the next day he took the
dog back to the Quaker, an ses he. in hie'
rough way " Mr.. Peabody, this dog amt
worth dambn Tut, tut, nebor Solomon,
thee shouldn't speak profanely with thy lips.
That may be- ses old Sol, but didn't YEA
tell me that this dog was good for foxes -
No, neber Solomon, said accordin to the
Scriptures he MUST be good for foxes WAL
ses old SOL how do you make that out y
Wal, neber the Script RS say " there is moth.
ing made in vain" an as / tried that doq on
everything else e.rcept hunting, thought that
that must be lrhat he ,cas made for."-
Now," ses " Kernel, hope it wont turA
"ut that you are like the old Quaker's dog,
made in vain,' OF, as old Sol Hopkins express
ed it, not worth d." but ses I, "ef you
don't restore the Union before youf term OK.
pire, the people will think that yco were
good deal worse than the Quaker's dog, for
If he warn't good Tor anything, he didn't do
eny particular HARM"
The Kernel didn't seem to like this sto.
ry much, for ses he, Majer, think you
are kinder personnel" Ses ], "No, Kernel,
| don't mean to be, but you know stories
will fit closer than you think for when you
begin to tell 'ern"
just here Seward cum il, and with his
church yard sm,e ses he, Good morning,
Mr.. President, Ive got good news from Eng.
land. There Won't be any intervenshun, an
he rebellyun will all be over in 60 days.
My friend Weed thinks so too"
What's up, Boss % ses Linkih That's
the name he calls Seward by. "Oh, !" ses he,
rnbbn his hands, don't you see by the pa
pers what large amount of money the mer-
chants in York are subscribin for the poor
patient, starvln English wo4kmen. God bles
'em. Here Seward drew deep sigh, On
then ses he, at will produce such great
effect in England % Intervenshun is dead,
The rebellyun is crushed, and aft by this
grand and noble idea of mine to feed the
starvin poor. What philanthropy will do.
when it is done right" And here Seward
commenced rubin his hands and walkin
about TIE room, an actin like q gal that 10
jest 6 ,n to get married. I didn't say eny.
thing, an the Kernel didn't say enything ei.
ther, an it warn't mint afore Seward dodg-
ed OF, Of the door as quick az he cum in
After he he'd gone, ses " Kernel, how meny
times has Seward he'd the rebellyun suppress.
ei W "Oh," ses he, che goes to sleep evs-
ry night with the sa,tiu belief that the Un.
ion will be restored by daylight; that JET
Davis will be hanging on sour apple tree
by noon, and that he will be elected next
President by sun down."
WAL" ses I, Kernel, think you've got
queer cabbynet,"
Yes" ses be, shat I have. Sevard
thinks that his ritin letters to Europe is go.
III to overthrow the rebelyun. Chase thinkS
it can't be done, except by his greenbaelE
al freein the niggers. Old grandfather Wellss
is sure that there is nothin will restore the
Union except his gunboats, while Blair feels
sure that he kin do it by stoppin Dimmeerat-
ic papers p'
ses l, "Why don't you change 'em S'-
WAL" ses he, F." what's the use of swap.
pin jackets7 There amt nothin to be made
by it. No, won't change my cabby hot on
less I'm druv to it. us bad enuf now, but
Lord knows what it might be eff undertake
to change it,"
I was in hopes l could induce Linkin TO
put IN some new men and get out Chase,
Seward, Stantn and Blair. But it's no ,us6.
So we shall jog along after the old fashion,
Where we shall be in the spring no one Kin
tell. Congriss has gone to work in arnest to
fix up the finances, an to take keer that the,
Dlmmecrats don't sue Linkin for suspendin,
habns korpus. The filanthrophists are also
bizzy, and they are goin to give all the mig
gers here Christmas dinner, which, I sup