The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1863-01-07
WHOLE NO. 325.
Correspondence.
DnwN IN Srcxrn nnr 1870

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Down IN SUCKER, Dec 8, 1869.
DEAR TINES For the first time in the
memory of your "foreign correspondent"
your welcome hebdomadal, has fail d to
appear, and we are launched upon sea of
uncertainties as to the cause. Mrs. 3.
suggests "paucity in the papyrus depart
ment," failure Of the mails, a strike
among the compositors, row with the
devil, lack of copy, the marriage Of the
junior, or an interesting event. in the
family Of the senior. Whatever the cause
may be, it has demonstrated without resort
to steelyards, that trying to keep house
without the TINES, is the sheerest Confcd-
crate nonsense.
see that our genial friend the Colonel
still lives and moves about the streets Of
the Narrow City-indecd, the Narrow City
without his pleasant phiz would be like
house without baby, or the plur Of Harm.
let with the part of Hamlet omitted, which
last idea, besides being quite appropos, is
entirely original. I protest, however,
against his light being hidden under a
bushel of amber Iowa, No. /, or rejected;
and his dcserton Of the muses. for the service
of mammon, is crime which neither gods
nor men allow.
Did ever ''narratv" to you my expert.
encc in poultry raising? You see my wife
says that hen is very good thing in
family, so bought a dozen of some un.
known variety, had their tails nicely put
up in curl papers, and awaited results-in
fact, like Micawber, we are still waiting for
an egg sample Of their industry. Possibly
they arrive at results through some "ana.
conda' principle, and we shall yet be favor.
ed with eggs by the basketball; but who in
| thunder can afford to put in whole season
on great expectations
Since writing to you, our family circle
has been increased by the addition of two
specimens Of the quadruped variety-a cat
and dog. l grieve to say that our cat
did not uphold the dignity, nor resrecta.
bility Of my well regulated household He
was given to late hours and low company,
and outlived his usefulness in few days.
Although there was i'll blood between him
and our Irish cook, it were hardly fair to
ascribe his taking off" to her agency-I
only date the circumstance from the exceed.
ingly nice sauSages she favored us with for
several days afterwards. Our dog, like the
Dutchman's baby, "came by chance" and
is miscellaneous pup Of light draught and
doubtful utility. Like Tam O'Shanter's
mare, he has lost his tail in stme tilt with
Outrageous fortune" and only wags a
stubby narrative" which, unlike the
Ledger stories, is not ito be continued."-
As he is dog Of great expectations, we
call him Pip" and trust he will do honor
to his illustrious namcsake. His digestive
powers are excellent, his lungs remarkable,
and trust is moral dog, but extortionate
justice requires me to say that appearances
are decidedly against him.
Our Thanksgiving proved lamentable
failure; not bu: there was plenty of tur-
kies and sufficient room for gratitude on
the principle the man acted who, when he
broke his leg, thanked heaven it was not
his neck. When all else was provided,
there was not a pumpkin to be found in the
country, and what genuine Yankee could
celebrate Thanksgiving on squash pies
The thing was pronounced impossible, and
SO our thanks, like the good woman's tears,
went tother way" had provided a fif-
teen pound turkey for home consumption,
and invited half dozen orthodox New
Englandcrs to share it; Of course they re
signed, and | was forced to eat it alone
My anxiety ito save Turkey" was akin to
that of the ancient maiden lady, whose
favorite hen, after two weeks incubation,
had left the nest. Her cxertions to induce
the rooster to take its place and ''set out
the occasion," brought on fever which
took her off
Do you think, Messrs. Editors, could
find in your diggins stout, healthy girl to
take charge of small bui respectable
fami!y,-one who is willing to sit in the
parlor, receive company, and preside at the
table, while the mistress tolls in the kitch-
en-. You see our cook, big strapping
milesian, of uncertain gender, "rich mel.
low brogue," Ga pair Of them No. 81 and
extensive crinoline, has 'aared up.
wouldn't stay where they didn't keep a
man to wait on the Kitchen" and notified
us to quit the premises. We want, there
fore, another gal" and any services you
can render in procuring one, will be cheer
fully reciprocated, compensated, lquidatcd,
or paid for. l append q list of require.
ments tor your guidance, which she will be
expected to observe: 1st She must wash
her face and hanl once week. 3D. She
must not get drunk ottener than every
third day. Sd. She must not carry to her
sick mother more than one half the gro
ceries provided for the house. 4th She
must not receive the visit of more than a
dozen male cousins day. 5th She must
not swear at the children. As to any other
little qualifications, such a. cooking, wash.
ing. ironing, &c, they are as Mr. Toot's
would say, "of no consequence" the mis-.
tress Of the house being expected to per
form item. As to wages, give whatever is
asked ; if that is not sufficient, give more
and draw upon me at sight. Ship via I. c.
R. r., care Boots 4 Breechcs, Pike Co.,
III near the lead mines.
Yours, fraternally,
.. Boors