Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1863-10-29
Opposed 10 Matrimony.

10 JVut nanny oPPoscu W maui
mony ?"
oval, no, rather guess not, seoin' as
how my mother has had -four husbands,
and stands pretty smart chance for hav-
ing another"
"Four husbandsl Is it possible?"
"Oh, yes. You see, my mothers
christened name was Mehitable Sheets.
and dads name was Jacob Press, and
when they got married, the printers said
it was putting the sheets to press When
! was born, they said was the first edi.
tion. An you see mother used to be the
tarnalist critter to go to evenin' meetin's.
She used to go out pretty late every night,
an dad was afraid I'd get in the same
habit SO be put me to bed at early can
delight, covered me up with pillar. an ;
put me to sleep with ot-iack. Wal,
dad had got up every night an let moth
or in. If he didn't ct down and open
the door pretty darned quick when she
cum, he'd ketch particular thunder. SO
dad used to sleep with bis head out of the
winder, SOS to wake up quick, an one
night he got his head little too far out
an he slipped ont altogether an down
dad cum, caflummux, right down on the
pavement, an smashed him in ten thou.
sand pieces %
"What! was he killed by the fall?"
"Wal, no, not exactly by the fall |
rather kinder sorter guess as how it was
the sudden fetch up on the pavement that
! killed him. But mann she cum hum an
found him layin' thar, an she had him
swept up together an put 10 coffin, an
bad a hole dug in the buryin' ground, an
had dad put in an buried up, an had a
white oak plank put up to his head, an
had it white washed all over for tomb
stone"
$50 your mother was left poor, lont
widow %
"Wal, yes, but as shc didn't MIND
that much, it wasn't long before she mar
ried Sam Hide. You see she married
Hide because he was Just dads size, and
she wanted him to wear out dads clothes
Wal, the way old Hide used to hide me
was a caution to my hide. Hide had a
little the toughest hide except bull'.
hide, and the way Hide used to hide a.
way the liquor in his hide was caution
to bulls hide. Wal, one cold day old
Hide got his hide so full of whiskey that
he pitched head first into a snow. bank
an there stuck and friz to death. Sc
nam had him pulled out, an then sh'
had another burvin' ground an had hin
buried an then she had another white oa
| plank put up at his head an white was h
| ed all over, an'-"
$50 your mother was once more
f widow"
: "Oh, yes, but I guess she didn't la
awake long to think about it, for in thre
weeks she married John Strong-an' h
was the strongest headed cuss you eve
did see. He went fishin' one day an
got drowned, an he was 30 tarnal s.ron,
headed, I'll be darned to darnation, il h,
didn't float right agn the current, on
they found him about three miles up tn,
stream, an it took three yoke Of oxen t.
haul him out Wal, nam had him bur
| led along side O. tother two, and had
white oak plank put up at his head, an
, white washed all over nice, so theirs thre
on 'em all in row."
"And your mother was a widow 70
the third time?"
Eyes, but man didn't seem TO mind
a tarnal sight. The next fellow she mar
iird was Jacob Hays. and the way man
does make him haze is caution, now
tell ye. If he does any thing little on
of the way, nam makes him take buck
ct and whtewash brush an go righ
, up TO the buryin' ground an whitewasI
the three old planks, jest to let him know
I what he may come to when she's plante
him in the same row, and got marrie
to the fifth husband. So you see M
family amt tarnal sight opposed to
, dose of matrimony."