The weekly pioneer and Democrat. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. Territory) 1855-1865, 1863-05-15
How Writing ssJoe,, took Richmond.

HOW Writing ssJOess took Richmond.
We have always thought that our "On-
biological " friend of the Press would have
made splendid doctor of "Jets," but as
fortune has cast his lot in another field of
spasms the community have lately been
INDUCED in an exhibition of his powers
over logical commissions and telegraphlc
contortions. he has taught us now how
to take Richmond with WHEELooKIAN ra-
tocinations and how to enjoy the agony of
extatic "conniptions over private tele-
gramsand premature Extras. Fromthe tame
tenor of JosEpHs verbosity for some time
past we had thought that the frenzy of
lexic ography had abandoned him, but his
late rhapsody over "Old JOE HooKERs
plan of campaign" shows plainly that the
mental perspicacity of our exceedingly cleo
trlcal friend is still swayed by its peculiar
"omphalos of extravaganza.
In this latter exhibition of on. JosEPH's
mental "ground and lofty tumbling," he
lays great stress, we think, upon the re-
markable coincidence that the christian
cognomen of the hero of his telegramatic
Civilizations is the same as his own.
One is "Fighting JOE and the other is
"Writing JoE," and we must confess that
the fighting of one is very much like the
writing of the other; and we make no
doubt but that JOE HOOKER would be as
much puzzled by JOE WHEELoOK's incom-
prehensihle composition as WHEELooK
seems to be with HooKEE's Incompetent
sible strategic campaigns.
The best physical smile Of the Press
late telegraphic tempest in tea pot that
we now think of is the manner Of the
Shaking Quakers. First, some slight ner-
vous twichings Of premonitory spasms-
then fierce, abandoned quaking and con-
tortion of every muscle and bone in the
body, from the ears to the eye-teeth-and
finally subsistence into few spasmodic
kicks as though their enthusiasm had at
last dwindled down into their toes!
On the morning of the 10th, Of May
inst, Writing JOE came out in the Press
thus:
THE GROWING EVENT OF THE WAR-RIOIa-
MOND TAKEN.
PECK, SToNEnAN AND KEYEs ARE IN POSSES
SION OF RICHMOND. Gren rejoicing throughout
the Country!U
In this brief dispatch, received last night from
our special telegraphic correspondent at Mil
waukee is announced the most startling and
the most glorious event of the war.
The announcement first made to few gen.
tlemen in our counting room, soon scattered
like wild-fre.
But there is TO reason to doubt its correct
ness.
Here Joseph was only giving US littls
taste of what was to come, for the mind
of writing JOE, like his style, and all other
ponderous bodies moves slowly, and it was
not till the next day, the 18th, that he
was able to open up the flood gates Of all
his ramifying, rampaging and overwhelm-
ing verbosity, in piece of composition
from which we extract as follows: In an
Ertra Press of the morning of the 18th,
under the wood cut heading of what
seems to be a picture of the upper section
of the dome of our State capitol, sur
mounted with flag, as it appears, when
ever the triplicate Executive functionary
of Minnesota arrives home from an excur-
sion for Senatorial mileage, or trip to
our soldiers for pay. Under this heading
we say, after ca few peculiar and charac-
teristic f1ourishes about the conflict of dis
patches, JOSEPH gives us the following
blast of his well linked quill:
The DISPATCHES which we now publish will
ut least leave no doubt upon the readers mind
that Richmond is taken-if, indeed, the success
sion of bewildering and startling surprises
which flash and peal from every paragraph like
a clap of thunder from clear sky does not ut
terly deprive the reader, as we confess it almost
does us, of the power of analizing our impress
siOnS.
We are absolutely stunned, overwhelmed,
stupefied with establishment, not at the capture
of Richmond that long sought prize of q hum
bred bloody battles, splendid and almost mirac-
ulous as the achievement appears, but at the
magnificent series OF strategic combinations
which with one hand, stripped it, almost in a
twinkling, of its defences as the autumnal
leaves are stripped from the bough, and with
the other seized the glorious boon of victory as
easily as the ripe apple is plucked from the
tree We now begin to understand that we
have understood nothing of glorious Old Joe
Hooker's plan of campaign.
He has succeeded not only in puzzling, be-
wildering and confoundiUg the rebels while
striking the death blow of the rebellion but in
puzzling, bewildering and utterly confounding
the whole nation Out ofthe midst ofwhat al
most seemed dark and irreparable disaster
suddenly sprung forth the blazing beacon lights
of the most splendid victory of modern times.
Hooker's falling back on the north bank of the
Ranpahannock was ruse the twice repeated
teIeGraphic dispatch that Stonewall was on
Hooker's right, on the Orange and Alexandria
Railroad was also a Tuse.
Hooker fell back across the Rappahannock
to Richmond.
T. seems to us scarcely possible that Lee can
osaSne capture or humiliation, and with that
ese,t which we expect to hear in few days,
re-. nulv is the rebel sway forever ended in Vir-
nH int over the whole of the atlantic slope
ftIs 4Neqkanies. A fewmonths more of such
Wo m. os Grant is doing now will extinquish
tbo