The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1863-08-14
Spare Lines.


namo for penury.
He who is just as old as his dog Is a man
Of cur-age.
There is no greater treachery than first to
raise mans confidence and then betray It,
Many who are wits in jest are fools in
earnest.
Which is the most difficult train to catch
the 1880, because it is ten to one 1t you
| catch it.
When thing does not suit you, think oil
some pleasant quality in ii. There is moth.
ing so bad as it might DO
First party: "You'll come to the gallows
some day." Second party: "Yes,whon you
are hanged"
New York letter writer Is informed by
well. advised parties that Mrs. Tom Thumb
is-in excellent health, thank you.
Why are two young ladies kissing each
other an emblem OF Christianity Because
they are doing unto others Us they would
that n,en should do unto them.
Perhaps the infant, when IL sighs and sobs,
hears. us in sea.sholl, the moan and roar
of tho ocean of life.-but moro likely the
child has the belly.ache
A student, in the course of examin-
alton, was asked. .'Pray. Mr.. E., how would
you discover fool?' "By the question he
would ask" said MIR. E.
Ifa pair OF stockings are hose, is a single
stocking hoe? II pair OF glasses are
spcctacles, is one u spectacle! And it 80, Is
it not bad show Tor sight?
Some people are always boasting Of
their services, but the spoke Of the wheel
that creaks most does not bear the greatest
burden.
Why should teetotaller refrain from
marrying? Because il he got wife. his
principles would not permit him to supper.
ter.
What glorious world this would be
II all its inhabitants could say with Shak-
peare's Shepherd. Sir. am a true labourer
| earn that eat; envy no mans happiness {;
glad of other mems good content with my
farm
a quaint writer says that he has seen wo-
men 80 delicate they were afraid TO ride for
fear Of the horses running away; afraid to
sail for fear the boat would upset; and afraid
to walk for fear the dew might fall; but he
never knew one that was afraid to get married.
As evidence that old Lancaster coun
ty was thoroughly aroused by the rumors Of
;kor atak
that Ex-Prcsidcnt Buchanan was seen run
ming through the street with q big tin box
in hand"
Some funny fellow in Baltimore, on
Tuesday, wrote upon the head of barrel,
and hung il against telegraph pole, AZ fol-.
lows: "a good beverage for rebs-Medde
and Porter" Immediately under the above
another funny fellow wrote " Granted.
Happiness is only evident to us in
this life by delivcrance from evil; we have
no real and positive good. "Happy he who
sees the day. said blind man; but a
man who sees clearly does not say so. "Hap
py no who is healthy 7" said an invalid |;
when he is we'll he does not feel the happi.
ness Of health.
A wretched editor, who hasn't wife
to take care Of him, went the other night
to a ladies' fair. He says he saw there IAN
article which he 'fain would call his own,
but il was not for sale. lie declares that
since that night he has been 'wrapturously
wretched.' As the article was bound in
hoops, the reader is left to infer that it was
either girl or keg Of whiskey.
"Well,l suppose you have bcen out to look
at Texas-did you see anything Of our old
friend Jim, out there?"
"Yes; gone deranged."
"Gone deranged how? what does he do |?
real crazy?"
"Ycs, indeed he doesn't know his own
hogs from his neighbors."
A Hoosier, having taken homo looking
glass in his trunk, one Of his hopeful offspring
was curious to SEQ the contents OF the mys.
terious box. The mirror was on the top.
when the youngest opened it. gave one bricf
look, dropped tho lid. and with terror depic-
ted on every feature, exclaimed, "Oh mother.
mother father has brought home young
cub! seed him-a young bear J"
During tho reign OF Bonaparte the arro-
CANT soldicry affected to despise all civilians.
whom they in their barrack-room slang.
termed Pskins. Talleyrand, one day, asked
IA general officer, "What is the meaning Of
that word 'Pekin?" "Oh," replied the
General, 1--WE call all those Pekins who are
not military" Exactly" said Talleyrand,
',jus, as we call all people military who are
not Gull