The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1863-11-26
THE PACIFIC
Commercial Advertiser.
ARENAS Ward to the Prince
of Wales.

andry, & ment ter writ You a cOngratOOlatOry
letter 1T the time, but I've bin biidIn a barn
this summer, & hain't had no time 10 write let
tsrs To folks. Excoos me.
Numeris changes has taken place since we
met in the body polite. The body polite, IN
fack, is sick. sumtimes thinks it has got blles,
friend Wales.
In my country we've got u war, while your
country in conjunction with Cap'n Sens OF the
Ala5arma, menetanes a nootrCl position :
I'm afraid / can't write goaks when i cit ABOUT
II! Oh no, l guess not.
Yes, Sir. we've a war. and the troo fatri' mas
to make sacrifsses, you bet.
l have already given two cousins to the war, 81
stand reddy to sacrifss my wIie's brother
rutber'n not zee the rebelyin krushet. And if
wuss Gums to wuss III shed ev'ry drop Of my
bIud abIe-bodied relations has got 10 prOsekoOt
the war. I think sunbody oughter be prose-
kooted. & it may az well be the war as any body
else. Whinn l git a goakipg fit onto me it's no
use to try 70 stop me.
You hearn about the draft. friend Wales, no
doubt. 1t causes sum squirmin,' but 1t was fair
ly conducted, for it bit all classes. 1t IS troo
, that Wendell Phillips, who Is an American citi-
zen Of African scent, 'scaped. but 50 did Nallan-
diggum, who Is COnservativ, and who was
recently sent South, though he would have
been cent to the Dry Tortoogus if Abe had
'sposed for a minut that the TOrtoogusses would
keep him.
We hain't got any daily paper in our town,
but we've got a female sewing circle, which
answers the same purpuss, and We wasn't long III
suspens as 70 who was drafted.
One young man who was drawd claimed 10 be
exempt because he was the only son of a widow'd
mother who supported him. \ few able-bodied
dead men was drafted, but whether their heirs
will have 10 pay 3 hundred dollars a peace for
'em is a question for Within, who pears to he
rinkering this bizniss right smart. ! hope he
makes good wages.
l think most Of the conseripts in this place
will 60. \ few will go to Canady, stoppin'
on their way at Concord, y. H., where / under
stand there Is a Muslum of Harris.
You see I'm sassy. friend Wales, hittn' all
sides but no Ofense Is menJ- You know | amt
no politician, and never was, | voted for Mr..
UniOn-that's the only candidate I've got. l
claim however, To have a well-balanced mind
tho my idees of 4 well-balanced mind differs
from the idees Of 4 partner L once had, whose
name IL was Bilson. Billson and me organized
y stroIlin' dramatic company and we played The
DruDkard, or the Falling saved, with a real
drunkard. The play didn't take particularly, and
says Biilson To me, Let's give 'em sum immoral
dramy. We had a large troop onto our hands,
consisting of eight tredegians and a bass drum,
but | says no BillsOn and then says l Billson,
you hain't got n well-balanced mind. Says he.
Yes, | have old hoss-hy, (he was a low cuss)-
yes, l have. / have a mind, says he, that
balances in any direction that the public rekires.
That's wOt | calls q well-balanced mind. | sold
out and bid adoo to Billson. He is now an out
cast in the State OF Vermont. The miserable
man once played Hamlet. There wasn't any
CrcEeSSarv, anu WlSnln I'd expire 10 SLOW InOOslc,
he died playing on n claironett himself, inter-
spersed with hart rendin' groans, IL such Is the
world Alars alars how outhankful we air
to that Providence which kindly allowed US to
live and borrow money, and do biznls.
But TO return to our subJeck. With our re-
stunt CRATE triumphs on the Mississippi, the
Father of Waters land them is waters no Father
need feel 'shamed of-twig the wi tkism y, and
the cherrin' look of things in other places, L
reckon we shant' want any Muslum of Harris.
Al ,rLot r-O1 .I~,h IL TIC rannIa. &c TpnanrI
y. H., want a Muslum of Harris for? Hain't
you got the State House now? & what more do
you want?
But all this is Turin to the purpuss of this
note, arter all. My objeck in now addressin' you
is TO give you sum adwisce, friend Wales, about
managin' your wife. n biziniss I've had over thirty
years experience in.
You had a good weddin. The papers have a
good deal TO say about wilkins in connection
tharewith. Not knowing what that air and so
/ frankly teles you. my noble lord dock of the
throne, | can't zackiy say whether We had 'em or
not. We was both very much frustrated. Butt
never injoyed myself better in my life.
Doubtless. your supper was ahead of our'n.
AZ regards eatin uses Baldinsville was alters
shaky. But you can git a good meal in New
York, i cheap too. You can git half a mackril
at Delmonico's or Mr.. Mason Dory's for six dol
lars and biied pertaters throw'd in.
As sed | manige my wife without any par
ficuler trouble. When | fust commenst trainin'
her | institooted a series ofexperiments, and them
as didn't work / abanding'd. You'd better do
similer. Your wife may objeck to gittin' up and
bildin' the fire in the mornin', but If you COM
mence with her at once you may be able to over
KUN this prejoodiss. l regret To- obsarye that |
didn't commence airly enuf. l wouldn't have
You s'pose | was ever kicked out of bed. Not At
all. 1 simply say. in regard to bildin' fires, that
| didn't commence airly enuf. Ii was 4 ruther
cold mornin' when / fust proposed the idea 20
Betsy Ii wasn't well received, and / found nv
self layin' on the floor putty student. / thought
I'D git up and bid the FIRE myself.
Of course now you're married you can eat
onions. | allus did, and if I know my own hart,
/ sllus will. My daughter, who IL going on Il
and II frisky, says they's disgustin. And speakin
OF my daughter reminds me that quite a number
of young men have suddenly discovered that I'm
L very entertain old Teller, and they visit Us fire.
quently, specially on Sunday eyenins. One
young chap-a lawyer BY habit-don't cum as
much as ne did. Ny wife's father lives with US.
papers contiinin' the Proceedins Of our State
legislator. The old gentl'man likes TO read out
loud, and he reads tOl'ble well. He eats hash
freely, which makes his voice clear; but as he
unfortunately has 70 spell the most of his words.
] may say ne reads slow. Wall, whenever this
lawyer made his appearance | would set the old
man q reading the Legislative reports. | kept
the young lawyer up one night till - o'clock,
listenin to lots of acts in regard to a drawbridge
awsy orr in the east part of the State, hayin'
sent my daughter 10 bed at half past s. He
bin there since, and | understan' he saws |
20 round swindlin' the Public.
L never attempted 10 reOrganize my wife but
once. | shall never attempt il agin. I'd bin to
a public dinner, and had allowed myself to be
into drinkin' several peoples healths
and wIShin' tp make Them .a rnhusf ac DOsSibIa