Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1863-10-08

chest shouting something in my ear, eff which
however | could hesr nothing.
[ smiled feeblg in Acknowledgement Of his
attentions. At a sign from him, TWO atten-
dants drew near, and having lifted him into
a chair, for he WIS absolutely black in the
face with the violence of his exertions. they
hoisted me to perpendicular and the exam
ination proceeded.
But will not harras your feelings by re-
peatlng the heart-rending details Suffice it
to say that | was afflicted with gastritis. en-
PRESERVATION, marcidity, empyema, obesity,
condyle of the numerous, bilicose veins. her
MA IN both great toes, and hermorhoids in
the left heel, besides lots of other diseases
whose names | cannot remember. Finally.
after rigid examination of my toe nails in
search OF eruptive LESSONS, ne arose to his feet,
drew long breath, wiped the perspiration
from his face, with stray newspaper, and
| commenced:
Young man." said he, and his eyes glis-
tened with delight as he spoke, ''you are re-
ally the most interesting subject have even
met with. Really a most wonderful case
! don't know when / have enjoyed half hour
SO thoroughly. Why, sir, with the exception
OF two, or at most three, you have symptoms
! OF every disease in the medical dictionary
Please let me embrace you again, Just to sec
| II can detect cxicOsis of the viscous mem.
| brane. Well, no." he continued, with 9
slightly disappointed air, as he released me
Il don't seem to find it, exactly, but woulC
| you mind coming round to my boarding
| house, after tea so that | can spend the even
ing osculating after t."
He was 50 anxious to find that particular
symptom, that l was very sorry to refuse him
but l had promised Sophia Ann that would
be home to tea, and knew she would worry i
| -taid; SO l was obliged to decline Seems
there was lady in the case, he very politely
excused me, very much to myrelief "Well
goodbye, my friend" said he, as I took my
hat to go; Il wish it was so YOU could 20 tC
the war; | would have you in my hospital il
less than month, and then l could examine
you at my leisure. | am positive a little ex
! Posure would bring on those two symptoms
spoke OF, and then what magnificent subject
| you would be How / should like to dissccr
| You But then, perhaps you don't like it
and II you don't, don't know as | can blame
you much for wishing to preserve your won
| dertul organization as long as possible; sc
| YOU just go into the next room, and Capt
| Herrick will give you Through to 90 home
and proy'de a substitute or pay your eommu
tatlOn lee. Boy, call the next on the list"
But, sir" said I aghast at his concluding
remarks, you don't pretend to accept me a:
! ablc-bOdied "
Really, my friend, said he, " the fact is
you have so many diseases that l actually
don't know which to specify 1t won't do tc
say cranial disease, when it's your heart thai
IS affected and if / mention your heart
what's the use OF your having consumption
But know Dr.. Coggswell will be pleased tc
receive your communication fee, or, if you vii
bring up likely substitute, | shall be de
lighted to examine him; and some day whe1
| we are both at liberty, | shall be most happy
to have you call upon me. Hold Just un
| button your coat for one moment, | mus
find that exico-"
But here broke from his grasp, and, stop
ping IN the next room only long enough t
procure my furlough, started for the railway
station, and never looked behind until | wa
safe in the arms of Sophia Ann and the
| children.
| Aud now, can anybody inform me where
can find good able-bodied substitute, war
ranted diseased in the head, heart, lungs
! legs, or all of them? To such a man | vii
| give three hundred dollars down, or, if h,
| prefer, at the rate of FIVE dollars apiece fo
each symptom, and promise him, in behalf o
our Uncle Samuel food and clothing for thre.
years, together with medical attendance il
proportion to the number and malignty o
| his diseases.-Ha1erhW Gazette.