Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1863-09-24
Miscellaneous Items.

Arrivals at Saratoga this season, sc, 900;
last year less than 10000.
, = Where there's red sky it is a sign of
wind, but where there's red nose it is SIGN
of wet.
Punch records, as an item of horticuI-
tural, that g a scientific gardener succeeded.
the other day, in planting blow on his mas.
terS nose. The interesting result has not yet
been ascertained." Perhaps it brought forth
blush roses.
The wit deservedly won his bet, who, in
a company where every one was Dragging of
| his tall relations, wagered that he himself had
a brother twelve feet high. He had, he said,
two halt-brothers, each measuring six feet
high.
1--WE all of US should make sacra-
ment, said Mrs. Darlington, solemnly, as she
| heard that neighbours son had been draft
ed; IF l had hundred sons should be
willing that every one of 'em should be ex-
empt."
- Paddy was summoned to Court for re-
tuslng to pay doctors bill. Judge-''Why
do you refuse to pay?" Paddy-'EWhat for,
should L pay? Sure, did he ever give me
anything but some emetics, and the niver
one could keep in my stomach at all, at all"
I've won't indulge in such horrid antic-
| lpatlons," as the henpecked husband said when
| the parson told him he would be Joined to his
wife in another world, never more to be sep
arated from her. ''Parson, l hope you will
not mention that unpleasant circumstance
again." said he.
| Il wish you would not give me such
short weight for my money!" said customer
to grocer, who had an outstanding bill
against him. "And wish you wouldn't give
| Suph loDc yyait NINA
| piled the grocer
| - At crowded concert a young lady
standing at the door of the hail. was address
| ed by an honest Hibernian who was in attend
ance on the occasion. Said he, 'Indade Miss,
L should be glad to give you safe, but the
| empty ones are all full"
| - 1t is said that Edward Lloyd, a wealthy
| Welshman, well known on the London stock
| exchange blew his brains out in despair at
| losses by the Confederate loan. We don't
believe word of it. If Mr.. Lloyd dabbled in
the rebel loan, he may have shattered his
skull with pistol, but he didn't blow out =
particle of brains.
| YOUNG MRS. MALAPROP.-A gentleman of
| this city recently met married couple who
| had lately returned from a tour abroad and
were about going to housekeeping. The wife,
| whose upper story was poorly furnished, was
| eloquent in the description of their purchases
abroad, and among other things, said 'sRsts-
band has bought lot Of stationery to put IN the
hicks" ~. Y. Nercuy
- A wee todlin', only FIVE years old, griev-
ed, in childish way, over the death of a ba-
by brother. His mother consoled him in the
sweet pathetic way Christian mothers have,
by telling the little fellow that the baby was
with God. Mamma, responded the title one,
rnI NJ
MAJ s'pose so, child" 'Well, mamma"
said the little fellow, cpd like to eat at Gods
table. God holds the baby IN his lap, don't he,
mamma ?"
The Canadian electors must be the
thirstiest set of men living. After the late
parliamentary election in Canada, a tavern
keeper in Hastings sent in his ''little bill' for
refreshments supplied to two hundred thirsty
voters. He charges for $500 glasses of IL
quor, which would be 271 glasses to each
person present, and Is glasses per minute for
five hours steady drinking. He also charges
1900 cigars as smoked by the same 200 each
OF whom, If the charges are right, drank
over gallon of liquor and smoked u cigars.
"A planter buying goods in Memphis made
his order in this way-"Fustly, give me
barrel of whiskey, then a barrel of -four, then
ten HAMS then fifty pounds of pork and
another barrel of whiskey, then some calico,
then some more pork and another barrel of
flour. "Wall," he continued, chow much
does this leave?" The merchant replied
Here the planter seemed to be confounded
After thinking for a few moments, during
which time he vigorously scratched his head
, with both hands, he suddenly frightened up
, as if he had come into possession of a new
idea, and replied, oval, give me the balance
in whiskey."
"A Shareholder from the county, ap-
preached an old acquaintance, also a slave
holder, residing in the city the other day and
| said:
| " have several negro men lurking about
here somewhere. wish you would look out
for them and when you find them, do with
them as II they were your own"
"Certainly, will" replied his friend.
A few days ago. the parties met again, and
| the planter asked:
"Have yon found my slaves ?"
81 have"
| land where are they 2"
"Well, you told me to do aoih them Just as
If they were my own, and as | made my man
enlist in the Federal Army, l did the same
with yours"
nile Union.
How TO DEAL WITH BLOODHoUNDs.-Ab black
man tells how to deal with bloodhounds. He
had been chased himself
"He told US when the dogs followed us in
the canebrake, in order to prevent them from
keeping the trail, we should travel as much
as possible in the water; but if we should be
closely pursued, to leave the canebrake and
take to the Ocmulgee river. He assured US
that the dogs were fearful of the alligators
with which the river abounded and that the
slaves were taught that the alligators would
destroy only negroes and dogs He didn't
believe it himself although his master
thought he did. He added:
eff dem houns get close On to you, why
you jist git long pole and hop about twenty
feet if you kin. You do dis four or five times,
and whenever you light why jist put some
pepper in the holes what your heels make,
and when the nouns come dey lose dar scent,
; and den dey goes snufin' and snuffin
round, and byemby dey sunff1es up dat ar
pepper into dar nostrils, and den dey'Il go
chez D.! chez and dat'll be de last dem dogs
can do dat day.
"This piece of information, and the man.
ner in which it conveyed, accompanied
as it was by violent gyrations of the body,
and an exact imitation of a dog sneezing, was
very amusing"
Negro S0ldiers---A Rebel View.
From the Richmond Wing, Aug. 24.I
Southern paper, some weeks ago, threw
ttafT hn foIn Il