The Lansing state Republican. [volume] (Lansing, Mich.) 1855-1874, 1863-12-09
ADVICE TO YOUNG LADY AFTER
HER MARRIAGE

/ The following letter TO a Young lady" OriE-
nally appeared several years ago. 1t il written
| in a style usually agreeable, aad breathes
throughout a spirit Of gentleness and excellent
sense, which 10 young person can read without
pleasure and instruction Numerous solicita-
tons have been made for its republication, and
We are happy 10 crafty our correspondents. and
also pay . msItcd compliment TO the esteemed
author
You are now married, and as is usual on
such occasions, your friends and acquaintances
will profess TO wish you JOY. Many will do so
as an act Of common civiliiv feeling little or no
tLing Of the sentiment which the words import.
/ When, however | express a sOcitu1e for your
welfare, think am entitled to the meaning
of something more thar the performance of an
empty ceremony. But when congratulating you
| know no better way Of proving the sincerity Of
my professions than by rendering YOU my ad-
vice to some Of the means | deem necessary
TO be pursued in order TO render your situation
real ielictation.
"Young people are very apt to think, If they
think at all on the subjec;, that when they get
married their cares are all scattered TO the winds,
and that their happiness is secure for life. So
far from the truth is such thought that when
reality awakens them from the dream of uninter-
rupted bliss, they find their sorrow certainly
doubled, and whether their joys are TO be in
creased or not depends mostly on themselves
and they will still fnd cause enough to interrupt
their happiness, though each should do their
very best 10 prevent or counteract them. One
thing is certain that the married state may be
made more happy than the single life, or it may
become a state of perfect wretchedness; and
whether your situation is to be better than you
exchanged for it. depends much or mostly on
yourself Ii is also matter the fret in order,
I fha first -, m hat
you should eadeavor to ascertain the means
best calculated TO secure continuance of that
happiness which doubtless you expected to ex-
perience in the welded life. On this subject
will endeavor to assist you.
THAT YOU were happy during the period
spent in cOurtsbip, you will not deny. That
YOU were so aroused from the Consciousness that
YOU loved and were beloved in return; and from
the pleasing hope or moral certainty that you
would attain the object of your affections. This
/ hope IS realized, and that YOU are happy now
you need no one to tell you. II it is the recip-
rocated affections of your husband which make
you happy, it is yours which make him so hence
mental affections constitute the source of com
bned Bliss and it is equally true that the infecity
of the married state follows the loss Of those af
/ fectious On the continuance of the affections,
then, no less thar on the choice of a husband,
| depends your happiness in the welded life. The
means to insure a continuance OF these afec-
tons, is the subject next in course for your con-
sideratiOn.
SO numerous are the instances in which mar
ried people have lost their affections for each
other, that the unrefecting have hastily conclu-
ded, that il is easier to acquire than retain them.
If this be true it goes to prove that you should
be more assiduous to retain the affections Of
your husband than you were to gain them. But
it Is not true to the extent which many believe
1t is not very unphilosOphicsl to argue, that like
causes will not produce like efects-or that the
effect will cease though the cause be continued.
The truth il, most probably, that when the affec-
tons of married people become extinct, it is ow
ing to their neglect TO continue the causes by
which those affections were first elected. What
man in his senses, if he knew the disposition of
the lady he addressed, would fall in love with a
sour, sulkv, brawling, i'll natured woman? 1t Is
the opposite qualities which he sees, or thinks hs
sees, in the lady OF his choice, of which he be-
| comes enamOred. It is a cOuntenance illumined
with smiles, eyes 5eamirg with Intelligence, a
mouth flowing with sweetness and good nature
in short, a department Indicative of modesty,
mildness and benignity, to which he pays the
homage OF his heart. II such were the causes
by which were 9uickened the tenderness of the
lover, rely or it that nothing short Of those will
insure the affections Of the husband for when
the causes subsde, the effect must necessarily
cease, and then misery aud wretchedness will be-
come the inmates of your household.
"More Of the happiness of married people i:
involved in their conduct during the first year
than in sny succeeding period of their counubia
association. There are probably but few instsn
ces where persons newly married do not discov-
er, aud that 100 in an early period Of their mat
| rfr iof anhf in har
of character which has before escaped observs
tion-and much, very much, of the felicity o
their lives depends on the course they NAV pur
sue on those occasions. Should the rewlv dis
covered faults or folIies of the husband appear
TO be such as to preclude the hope Of their be
ing corrected, however unpleasant the task the
wfes earliest course will be TO endeavor TO &C
commodate herself TO them. If she canno
bring her circumstances to her mind, the alter
native Is to try to bring her mind TO her crcum
stances Custom and habit tend 10 lessen th,
effect Of evils which cannot be destroyed anc
common prudence will induce her 10 conceal from
her husband her knowledge of those faulu
which she cannot expect to o6viate, because i
viii not increase his affections for her, shouiC
be think that hers for him are in the wane.
! IF a woman would correct the faults or fol-
lies Of her husband, she should reflect that sh,
~tN SAAf W % - VI MkltICc owe
. him-that she has, in general, 10 other iuHuenc,
: than what arises from his affections for her
that the continuance Of these depends o. the con
e tnuance OF the causes by which they first wer
z Aiudied and you may rest assured, that what
! ever female patience, mildness, gooi humor, an,
: tender Affections cannot accomplish with a hus
band, irow1s, sulks, sharp reproofs and i'll satur
: ed repFoaches never can achieve. By the for
mer be may b. soothed and softened into com
plance, and willingly led to abandon foible o
! = fault; but the latter will inevitably tend t
sour bis mind, TO curdle all the milk Of huma
kindness in bis bosom, warm bis resentment