Daily national Republican., 1863-06-13
FERNAND DO OOD
ASA
Commercial and Political Joker,

Fernando Wood began life as q commercial
.okpr. His political life seems likely to end in
t5s ssme role. His ambition to have political
ri1g o. bic own, and be the cleverest clown in
Il, frequently ands him performing before an
audience ready enough 10 cheer the actor for
cls antics, hut incapable Of appreclating the
u ean.ug Of his Jokes. There are persons vet
wing who remember Fernando when he stood
behind the counter Of his little shop in Chatham
srget, selling his customers cigars made Of
weed grown no further away from home than
WsaIhegEeeld, but which he would assure his
patrons were real Hsvanas. He had a pleas
ant way Of carrying out this deception, and at
length II grew into an established habit. 1t
~us profitable too and with Fernando that
=as something. he had also a quaint way
Of entertaining his customers. He was some
shat given 10 poetry, and could throw In a
couPlet neatly enough while practcing clever
deception with hls cigars. Customers came in
time TO understand Fernando thoroughly. Bu
he always amused them, the amusement NOR,
than squared the deception, and they continued
10 bay his cigars and 60 away wondering why
.Aey had placed any confidence IN what he said.
But such are the peculIaritIes of human ma
tue.
There wac story Fernando used IN enter
.a.u his customers with, which described O
e.. as falling to the ground and a sinner
sLtIHg sll-powerful on the house top. That
story would be good to-day and have muci
fore, II r?p!lOd to himself.
Fernando slwsys congratulated himself tina
he had given his customers the full worth o
tA.~ money. He knew there was just as muCl
smoke in a weathershold weed as there was il
pure Havana, Customers ought to be con
tent II they got smoke enough for their money
As business increased, and prosperity smiled
Fernando extended the capacity of his Jokes
He nud jokes for his retail business; he hat
jokes for his wholesale business. He woult
show you boxes and labels of the real Havana
pattern; and to back up his assertion that hi
weeds we're genuine importatlons, there wa
the invoices and the bills of lading. Bu
the initiated knew that Fernando had
cunning way Of manufacturing thss
commodtlcsi that he had not even fo
cnce yielded 10 his prejudice against pay
ing duty az the Custom House. When discoy
cred, Fernando would declare from the yer
innocence Of his heart that he only Inteude
what he had done at - Joke. Two or three Joke
Of this pattern cost Fernando prett
Lel-'y. Still. Il did not cure him Of the habi
The clevereSt and perhaps most extensive jol
oftnIS kind Fernando ever practIced sueces
July was on hls partner, Marvin. he had Il
invoices and bflls Of sale all made out in
rvgu.ar order as the stage properties Of one
his political msetlngs would be, showing TIL
= had paid iast 90 many thousand dollars Il
rne part hs had contributed to the commO
lic.E. Marvin soon discovered that b
rIIlrgr vac c clever necromanceri that
lla been made the victim Of one of b
everest tr!ckS-in fact that he had q
for partner practical Joker, who had n
,.sy-d him Of several thousand dollars In
9a.,: way. Marvin was indignant, and sougl
70 cure his partner Of such bad habits by su
s.!sw. But tho New York public set the II
'lrst Marvin down 90 very verdent 10 attemI
-uN1!og OF the hrd, and instead Of symps
Ia.-d s - .!l the Tictim, laughed at the clever
ness Of the ioks. Aud 30 It has been throug
al those Hille arrangements 20 we'll under
sto'd IN New York, where Fernando stood be
hind the curtain while Brother Ben worked II,
the game, down TO that unfortunate little jok
With The Artissn'S Bank Fernando was limo
-s0t enough, and only iutqnded what he dl,
fr joke.
WtyTe thsrs 10 no commercial honesty It 4
safe 10 o look for political consistency, 7
we Iurp to Fernando Woods political life. v
sh md that he has INDUCED th!a habit c
..9g On magnificent scale. But Dome
.hoss J3LeS have turned ont rather unprohtabl
7rd, 'u',eGd Of bringing him power and pop
.irilT, hay5 only exposed the selfshness Of h
motives. When, few years ego, he made
'peech 10 Richmond, and told his Souther
friends that, In the event Of their making a
attrnp: to sccsdo from the North, every Dem,
crat would rice up in their defence Fernapd
did not mean what he said No one who realI
knew him believed what he said when no too