The Union. [volume] (Georgetown, Del.) 1863-1866, 1863-11-20

tro' dis world-thc one am q broad narrow
road that leads to perdition; the oder mar
row and broad road that leads to destruction"
eff dat am de case" said his sable ques-
toner, "dis cullud individual takes to de
woods"
SENSIBLE CLERGYMAN.-The argument was
good, but the statement was little thick.
An energetic clergyman of our acquaintance
in recent earnest address on the folly of
abandoning great spiritual realities for the
vanishing pleasures of this world, said: "Why
will you, my hearers, give up your birthright
for pot of messnge?"
SMART REPLY.-A commercial traveller left
an article belonging to his wardrobe at an inn,
and wrote to the chambermaid to forward it
to him by the coach, in answer to which he
received the following:
al hope, dear sir you'll not feel hurt,
I'll frankly tell you all about it;
I've made shift Of your old shirt,
And you must make a shift without it."
DoN'T KNOW IT.-A young lady at party
was asked by lover of poetry, whether she
had seen Crabbe's Tales.
why, no." she answered." did not know
crabs had tails"
81 beg your pardon, MISS" said he: 81
mean have you read Crabbes Tales ?"
"And, assure you, sir" said she, 81 did
not know that red crabs, or any other crabs,
had tails"
VALID ExcUsE.-While walking with a
friend, a gentleman accidentally stepped upon
a lady's trailing dress. She turned with a
frowning look and strong expression of anger
With his usual urbanity. he replied: 81 am
sorry, madam, very sorry indeed but really,
| didn't know that was within quarter Of
a mile of you.V
Coon FELLow.-I plows, sows, reaps, I
mows, l gets up wood for winter; digs,
hoes, and tators grows, and for what / knows,
am indebted to the printer. dc suppose all
knowledge flows right from the printing press;
SO off goes, in these ere clothes, and settles
up-I guess. ftail1t ai
FALSE LOVE-
Who that feels what love is here
All it's falsehoods all its pains
Would for Elysiums sphere,
Risk the fatal dream again?
Who, tnat midst desert beat, uta
-- Sees the waters fade away,
Would not rather die than meet
Streams again as false as they?
"WELL, MY GOOD FELLOW" said victorious
general to favorite soldier, after a battle,
land what did you do to gain us this victory"
"Do? May it please your honor, why, 1
walked bouldly up to one of the inimy, and
cut off his foot" "Cut off his foot? Why
didn't you cut off his head?" "Ahl an faith,
yer honor, that was'off already.
"WHo is HE ?" said passer-by to police
man, who was endeavoring to raise an intox-
icated individual who had fallen into the gut
ter. Cant say, sir" replied the policeman;
che can't give an account of himself" "Of
course not" said the other, with an express
sion of much surprise, chow can you expect
an account from man who has lost his bal
auce?"
A%When you say, in phrase which is
now Americanzed, such and such a Imam is ga
brick" do you think of, or do you know the
origin of it? 1t is this: An Eastern prince, on
being asked " Where are the Notifications of
your city ?" replied, pointing to his soldiers,
Every man you see is a brick"
AN OLD WHOEVER says, when you pop the
question to lady, do it with a kind of laugh,
as if you were joking. If she accepts you,
very we'll; if she does not, you can say you
were only in fun. Masculines and feminines
who have planted helpmates underground
seem to know thing or two.
AN AUDITOR at funeral once remarked
when the minister kept saying in his pray
err, THY servant the deceased and ! thought
of what cheating, lying, swearing, sabbath
breaking ungodly man Mr.. N had been,
couldn't help wondering who the minister
was praying to-"
The WINsTED, CT., HEARD gives ministers
who make long prayers at weddings remind
er in the following introduction to a marriage
notice: "MARRIED-at the Methodist church
in this village, on Tuesday evening last, after
a painful prOtraeted prayer, by Rev. Blank, "
&C., &c.
A YANKEE and an Irishman riding togeth-
er passed by gaiiows: Pat" said the Yam
kee, "give the gallows its due and where would
you bef" Faith, that's aisilly towld," re-
piled Pat. "Pd be riding to town by meself,
all alone, surs.n The Yankee was beat that
time.
@-Somebody has given utterance to the
following scrap of philosophy, which, if it be
not good, is at least cool: "The poor mans
purse may be empty, but he has as much gold
in the sunset, and silver in the moon, as any
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