The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1863-02-26
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bitually drunk, has never yet been mailed at it
and who sleeps as comfortably, between the
stations, that he do, as though his engine was
a first class carriage. LorkNa-daisy, II the pub
lie only knowed' I heard one man remark
this to his fellows not Il week ago. what prec'
ious risky things they have cot to. trust to, its
my belief we should have less old ladies with
PARROTS and pug-dogs a travelling by this here
line for pleasure Whereupon they all ans
wered, True enough mate and broke into
fendlsh laughter.
This is unpleasant, butt is one of the least
evils of railway travel in Tonpkin's company.
II he is in q fidgit on his own account you may
imagine what a state he puts himself into when
his wife and family nave TO start with him.
He may we'll talk about catching the train for
if the train were a species of animal only TO be
caught by excessive speed, he could scarcely
excite us to more unreasonable eXertions. He
begins at goodness knows at what hour in the
morning: Now, my love, it is lime you were
up, for only consider how long it takes you to
dress There is plenty OF time fes,that's
what you said when we lost the train the last
train from Brighton that night, and forfeited
our return tickets (He will never forget that
unhappy incident as long as he lives) Aud,
remember, you've got your dressing case to
pack. Arabella-a>a~a (Ehis is addressed at
top of his voice to our unconscious daughter in
the third floor back.) Are you getting ready,
Arabella-a>a? No, you're not. / can hear by
your tone that you are in bed. There's not
half an hour to spare, l tell you nor anything
ike it. Your back hair never takes less than
twenty minutes. What Then it isn't your
own Pm sure. You must PIN it on behind, as
I have always suspected you did. Su-san
why isn't the water boiling! How am l to
shave? Nurse, where are the children /
want to kiss the darling chfldron.' (rhis is
false Tompkins only wants TO make sure that
they are up and dressing They had better
have their bonnets on before brekfast,and then
they will be ready TO start at once
'Tompkins,' l exclaim, your conduct is re-
ally disgraceful; following out like that upon
the landing, and you without your dressing
gown. l insist upon your put ting on your dress
ing~gown.'
MY love, it's packed up he r%ejoins' 4
packed it up oversight, te save time
Everything that is done by Tompkins is TO
save time and ii time is money as | have some
where seen it stated, III, husband de-erves to be
a very rich man, indeed. Bua IN truth, so far
from saving he wastes time. An eighth par
of his existence, OF six whale years at the very
least-fUr he is fifty next birthday. and loOkeS
older Oh account OF him wearing himse If away
so in this m~aoner-have been wasted in waits
ing for omuibusses and ,.ains. ~ the corner of
the streets, or OH railway platforms vast clip
pings OF time, which he might have judiciOusly
spent in eating his breakfasts with more re-
gard''to Digestion, ia finishing works Of amuse-
ment or information winch he has impatiently
flung away in devotional exeTciacs Gnstead
of using very deprecable language when matters
do not happen quick enough to please him);
and in letting his wife and family have a little
peace. Peop.e cannot see il. am thankful to
say, on accsunt of the crinoline, which makes
us appear all of a size. but ! am absolutely
wasting away. If it is hard for a man 10 bear
the 'naggipg' of a woman, which is, SIS one may
say, his natural burden, how can 4 woman bear
to be 'nagged' at?-an evil n"Tcc contemplated
by the sex. am perfectly we'll aware that l
dawdle a little; every female has "A natural Ten
dency go to do to take a last look in the glass
when she ought to be on her way down stairs;
to add a postscript 10 her lettsr While the post
man is emptying the box ~ the street corner {;
to kiss the children a second time all round.
while the cab is waiting, and there Il not IA mo-
ment TO spare. Ii was never feminine to move
quickly, and the garments of the present day
have made it next thing 20 impO ,s'bie. We are,
l confess, generally rather late. There is there
fore a certain excnse for ones heing hurried
by paterfamilias but not tor ones being de-
ceiyed, Mr., Editor. That is the point which l
wished to arrive at long ago. only it's so diff
cult 10 arrive att point. Nothing. say, can
excuse TOmpkins for pnttIng the clocks on, or
terrifying Us with false alarm respecting the
hour. Many Il time when we have been going
out to dinner has he put me in such a trouble
that l could scarcely do my hait, by hallooing
up the stairs that the broughan, would be at
the door in less than five minutes. Now, one
cannot do ones hair (unlesS On" has 'the man
inland heaven knows / am always trying to
save T0mpkins's pocket whenever ! can III five
minutes nor even fifteen Alter ri! our haste,
too, we generally arrive at our tiIetus a quarter
of an hour before we are expected, aud end no
one in the dra wing room 20 receive MS. Ii is in
vain thai l tell Tompkins that 6:f5 means Z
o'clock. When We send out our invitations, it
is with the greatest difficulty that | can pre-
vent him from inserting the wosd sharp than
which | can conceive nothing more vulgar
imm ediately after the dinner hour. He would
never wait for anyone--'Do not for the queen
of Sheba,' is his ridiculous expression if he
could have his way. And last week we were
as nearly as possible sitting down to the table
wi hout Mrs. DeSlocoche, vino is the daughter of
a bishop, and whose husband will one day be q
baronet; However | did make a stand there.
] only mention this to show the reckless au>
dacity with which too so0nism will actuate q
man and with that example | have done.
No, | haven't, How fortunate il was that
my letter happened somehow to be late for the
afternoons post, so that put it in my ira veling
bag, and carried it down with Inc into the coun
try in case there might be anything to add
Aud there is. We arrived at the departure
station last evening under the usual cjrcuni-
stances.-hurried, worried and hurried and as
| thought about three quarters OF an hOur be-
fo.c il. was necessary. Wonderful 70 relate
however, the train was at The platform aud We
had only time to bnndle into it, white Tomp-
kin's ran fol the tickets. His language wat
something awful, audtas l co1ld nor help re-
marking) a very bad example tor the dear chill
dren.
'Ifi it had rot been for me, madam replied
he, we should uot have gone To night at ali
and strong expression a:c absolutely necessa'
nv TO move you
He was very angry for ! suppose he had
never only been Just in time in his Iife-and he
pulled st the window blind so violently thai
the thing came off in his hand.
What an Infamous old carfiage,' cried he
what rotten furniture; what tasty, musty seals
How slowly we are going, too. Well if this
is express speed, l could run a. fast. We shall
never get TO our journeys end al the proper
time, l know
well, really said ] '~T'onpRins that is not
your business. The railway company - re-
sponsible, and not you. Put your ieg" up. aLu
90 to sleep. do. We do not sop again Tor an
hour at least o..ya, tho
troin rave uneouivocal symptoms OF stopping
tLera and then, at a miserable small stsnon
inst out of town. Tompkins Trust ms heeo
and shoulders out Of the wlnuow.
!" What il the matter. guard 2 Why are we
9 tonning here in this extremely disgraceful
sThere is nothing at all the matter, SIR was
the reply. We are stopping here because we
are advertised to do so at every station
sat every station !'exciaimed my husband, as
white as a skinned walnut. Isn't this the ex~
press, thenT
No. sir it's the" parliamentary. The express
don't start for half an hour YET. We are shun"
ted at the junction, presently TO let it go by
Yes, ma am, the carriage is a litiis out ORE
pair. We ant 80 particlar, you see with the
first class carriages in a train like this Nobody
ever gets in them except juSt from one station
to the next or SO. We sllan,t De AZ your sta
ton, maam, before daylight " 80 soon
a1ub TromDkius, because | saw