Burlington free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1827-1865, 1863-10-30
rFrom the Bunker Hill Aurora. l
SURGICAL Examination of a Conscnss.

country; so on the morning oil the eventiui
18th, put on clean shirt and my Sunday
clothes and started for Lawrence, to see If
could get exempted.
By-and-by-that is, after several hours
waiting-my turn came
",Jobn Smith ~ shouted the door-keeper.
That's me- says 1; and with a cheer
from the crowd, | entered a large square
room where two persons sat writing at
table. and third, evidently surgeon, was
examining a man in the last stages Of nudity
One of the writers at the table, young
man with curly eyes and blue hair, nodded to
me, and dipping his pen in the ink, commen-
ced
oJohn Smith, what's your name -
.'John Smith," saysL
Where were you born ~
Podunk. Maine"
What did your great-grandmother die
off,
Darned if | know" says /.
Call it hapentap," says he; and your
grandfather, toO?'
Il don't care what you call it, says | /;
for | WAS little riled by his nonsensical
question.
&" Did you ever have boils7' says he.
Not a boil"
Or fts?''
Nary fit
"Or delirium tremens?"
." No stree -
"Or rickets ~
"I'li ricket YOU" says |; for thought
he meant something else.
Did YOU ever have the measles ~ says he.
Here l took off my coat.
'sOr the itch ?"
e.. L..
showed a very large brown one within three
inches Of his nOse) has been itching, for the
last ten minutes, to knock your pesky head
off, YOU little, mean, low-lived, contemplate
whelp. you.s
Nv dear sir, said the mild-spoken gen
tlemanly surgeon, laying his hand on my
arm, .'calm yourself, pray. Don't let your
angry passions rise, but take off your clothes,
so can see what you are made of. "
So suppressed my anger, and withdraw
ing to a corner, hung my clothes up on the
floor. and presented myself for examination,
clad only with the covering nature had given,
except about a square inch of court plaster
on NV right shin, where had fallen over a
chair, the night before, feeling for a match.
4" Young man" said the surgeon, looking
me straight in the eye, you have got the
myopia."
Yes. sir, said |, " and good one, too
"A little Bininger, with drop of Slough
ton, makes an excellent eye-opener, of q
morning"
And there seems to be amaurotlc ten
dency of the right eye, accompanied with
opthalmia."
"Shobl'' saysI.
And that white spot in the left eve be-
tokens cataract"
IL guess YOU mean in the ear, says |,
cause went in swimming this morning,
and got an ALFRED big bubble in my left
ear and here jumped up and down two
or three times on my left foot, but to no pur-
pose. As soon as | stopped, he mounted q
chair, and commenced feeling the top of my
head.
Was your family ever troubled with ep-
ilepsy?" says he.
''0nly the two boys" says l.; - when
they catch them, my wife always goes at
them with fine tooth comb, the first
thing"
Jumping off the chair he hit me kick in
the ribs that nearly knocked me over, and
before had time to demonstrate, his arms
were round my neck and his head pressed
against my bosom the same way that Sophia
Ann does. when she wants me TO buy her
some new bonnets and things.
'Just what thought, " says he; "tuber-
culosis and hemOptysis, combined with de-
feet in the seapular membrane and incipient
phthysis -
"Heavens :" says |, whats that?''
"And cardiac disease"
''No - said |.
"And pendardites -
Thunder, - said l.
"Stop talking Now count after me
one,''
Zone - said l, dead with fright.
- Asthma Two
Two yelled.
"Exotis of the right febular, Three"
Three - gasped.
"Coxalgia Four
d" Murder - said [, -Four
Confirmed duoienum of the right VEN
tricle Five
"Oh doctor, amt you most through?
feel FAINT
Through? No Not half through
Why, my friend, Pandora's box was nothing
to your chest. You have sphynixiana, and
gloriosls, and conchoilogia, and persiAage,
and
Here my knees trembled so | leaned
against the table for support"
land permanent taxation of the anterior
lobe of the right phalanx.'
NV only answer was a deprecatory gesture.
And scrofulous diathesis and omniopo-
dites''
sank to the floor in utter despair.
"Eliutration :" be yelled, for he saw |
was going fast-"and maxillarium and