Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1863-05-22


Wearily the days and weeks dragged their
slow length along, till at last, after what
seemed to me an age, the first Sunday in May
dawned--for me. Before noon neighbour
ing miner returning from tho Post Office,
brought my weekly Union. / turnod first
to the column Of marriages, as had lately be-
came my habit, for felt some satisfaction i'm
reading the names Of my happier fellow NOR.
tails who no longer vibrated between hopo
and fear, now that their courting days were
over. Well, the very first notice read was
the marriage Of Jem. Bangs to Miss Arabela
Cynthiana Smithcrs!
Good Heavens! Could 1t be possible? NV
Arabella married to that contemplate bipcdL
could not believe it it must be some other
Miss Sm'thers--'twas hoax, got up by
some wretch as a :" sell on the Editor" 1t
was Sunday, but could not wait till night:
must know /; to know the worst was better
than all those hor,id doubts. would 90 At
once and see Arabella, and went; but Mrs.
Smithers met me at the door, aud assailed
me with the utmost vehemencc, charging me
with all sorts of..perfidious coings on. not
the least Of which was trfling with her
daughters affections;" bu. Arabela had
found protector now, who, she assured me,
to clean me out if he caught me sneaking
around there any more." a4
In vain | essayed to speak could not
get word in etiyemise, and SO was fain TO-
skedaddle from the storm Of the old lady's
wrath. don't believe my feelings can be
imagined, and can't describe them and
won't try to.
A day or two later I went to the store for
nd ~
ing lot OF gold dust, among which also
saw some chispas, which knew bv their
shape were some that had given to Arabel-
la. asked if they had been found in. the
valley and he said he thought so, for Jem
Bangs had traded them off with him about a
month ago for his wedding suit Horror of
horrors! Arabella had not only wheedled
me out of all my hard earned and self-deny.
ingly saved nuggets, but had bestowed them
upon that odious Jem Bangs to enable hin.
to make decent appearance on his wedding
day--a feat which it was morally certain the.
lazy puppy would never have accomplished
without some such material aid.
These reflections did not occur to me then
in the form Of ideas clothed in their appro-
pirate signs, but they did occur Just as flash
OF lightning does, with an altogether, instan-
taneous, binding intensity and | stopped
to hear no more, but rushed from tho store,
and started for my cabin across lot away
went, tearing through the chapparel like q
wounded grizzly. Vague thoughts Of pistols
and coffee for two. and then of shooting Jem
Bangs without California style
fitted and chased each other through my
whirling brain; but l paused not in my
course till | arrived at homo, when imme-
dIately pitched everything upside down and
out OF doors, and then razed my cabin to- tho
ground, that not one canvas rag remained
upon another. f"aa : ...s st
BY the violent exercise my mental fever
was somewhat cooled, no could take more
reasonable view of the case, and concluded
if wanted to punish Jem, had better let
him alone; for to shoot him would end his
troubles at once and forever, but let him live
with such woman as Arabclla had shown
herself to be and there was little danger
that he would go unwhippcd of justice. .
Having thus disposed of that case asked
myself what next" and soon answered the
question by deciding to devote the rest of
my life to the study Of the absurd sciences
Phrenology in particular, in which have
already made some important discoveries:
have found four bumps. which do not appear
on Professor Fowler's chart, and which am
certain are Arabella's most prominent bumps.
They are wilfulness and wontfulness, Gun.
ningness and the wickcdness of Salem
witch. 10
D, the dcceitfulness Of the Arabella who,
can tell ity Who can find out their secret
thoughts, and who can fathom the depths of
their profound .a =
- .s STRATEGY