Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1863-07-18
NUMBER 45.
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WISE AND OTHERwlsE.

W ooe'e'J "nen ne Is agent.
An invalid should lie installed in stable
when he becomes little ho(a)rse.
A discontented boarder resembles a
money broker, when be desires to change
his quarters.
A hypocrite, like a mended boot, is but
haIt-soled affair, and should be trodden
under the foot of every man.
An Irish newspaper advertises-"Want,
ed, an able bodied man as washer
woman.'
I" To big for bis business" as the ladv
said to the sweep who stuck in The
chimney.
The sitting of Congress is often as fruit.
less as the sitting of heu on chalk eggs
Whose son are you, my little boy ?"-
o amt anybodys son I'm MI. Thomp-
sons nephew, sir
" say, Bill, where am de best trout
fishing in de Uuited States ?' "Gubs uu,
up. In de water, to oe sure
" Hooker's headquarters are now in the
saddle, ,''-Jouraal
Evidently mistake. The Journal
meant to say his hindquarters'
If husband and wife are fast couple.
there is danger in their case, as in tha, Of
tast team, that the coupling will break.
Eli Burrit says that the best cough cure,
for young ladies is to drop the practice Of
dressing thin when they 20 out in the
night
The Chinese have no word that will
compare wish our Amen" They saw
instead, Sin yemen ching" the heart
wishes exactly so.'
If you wish to cure scoldng wife,
never fail to laugh at her with ali your
might until sho ccases-theu kiss her.
Sure cure.
A negro preacher, in his sermon, said,
Breddern and sisters, in dat day de Lord
shall divide de sheep from de goats, and
bress de Lord we know who wears the
wocl.'
A Scotch gentleman puts the postage
stamp wrong way upon bis letters, and
calls 1t turning an honest penny.
ii man of wi, was asked in the train
what was his erraud to the city. He re.
piled: g have been sent to procure an
angel to do the cooking"
Belle Forbes, the other day, overheard
one lady say TO another, Il have some-
thing for your private ear" Immediately
exclaimed, " [ protest against it, for pri-
Watering is Illegal"
At ah inu in Sweden there was the fol.
lowing inscription, ia English, on the
wall: You will ind at Tro!bathe excel
lent bread, meat aud wine-provided you
bring them
There is great similarity between
deep thinking man, and an Unsuccessful
applicant for the honors Of the ministry.
They can neither be OWNED.
A German has just taught ducks how
to swim In hot water, and with such suc-
cess that they lay boiled eggs. He is now
Matching "a schome for extemporisins the
accomplishments OF bread and butter and
salt.
Pa" said hopeful youngster, Elsa
ship anything like our carpet p .Why
do you ask, my son ?" Because heard
you say, that the sailors were taking the
ship" Mary, put on that chld's nigh.
clothes.'
An inventor has made application at
the patent office, for what he calls an i'm.
proved lever. He processes to be liable
to raise anything with it, We wonder if
ii will answer for raising children aud
raising the wind.
How TO WnlspEa AWAY WARrs.-put
your mouth close to the wart, and tell it
in whisper tha, if it d,es not go away
you will burn it out with caustic If i
does not take the hint be as good As your
word. Aud you will have great sore
ten times worse than the wart
INFORMATION Where is Leo.
now?' inquired friend of the President.
lately. Il doE t KNOW replied Mr.. Lin.
coin, and that's not all don't know
where Hooke, is
4 widow lady. with her intended hus-
band, called ct the house Of q we'll known
clergyman, to be united in the holy bonds
Of wedlock. lou have buried Nj. John.
son, then p said the divine. "Oh, yes,
poor dear. dead and gone, Mr.. Johnson, I
lost him, and it broke my hearty "Yes,
il has broken your heart replied the cler'
gyman, "and now you have come to mo
to have it re paired
A countryman came to our city 20 sell
his fruit, but for some cause, fell asleep
The boys knowing this to be an index Of
neglgence, helped themselves to the con-
tents Of the wagon. oh what dread.
fal ,hing!" exclaimed a pious old lady,
rolling her eyes like ship IN storm
Not SO dreadful, a man." said bystand.
er. "lou see the farmer was only tab.
inga nap. and the boys were only taking
a" appfe."1 e--@. .. =
The rails Of wife, ike car,tails, cause
speedy traveling-as The black crow once
said, hear me for my cause, lcsws) good
'wixan an1 soold not vanp hande