The Ohio Democrat. [volume] (Canal Dover, Ohio) 1840-1900, 1863-11-13
opposed to MatrimOny.

"Is your family opposed to matrimo-
ny?" u y..
"Wal, no, l rather guess not, seein as
how my mother has had four husban ds,
and stands pretty smart chance f or
having another" 1. .a '.
-Four husbands! Is II possible?"
"0h, yes. You see, my mothers
christened name was Mehitable Sheets,
and dads name was Jacob Press, and
when they got married, the printers said
it was putting the sheets to press. When
| was born, they said l was the first edi-
ton. AM you see mother used to be
the tarnalist critter to go to eVenin'
meetins. She used to go out pretty
late every night, en- dad was afraid I'd
get in the same habit SO he put me to
bed at early candlelight, covered me up
with apillar, an put me to sleep with a
boot,jack. Wal, dad had got up every
night an let mother in. If he didn't
get down and open the door pretty darn.
ed quick when she cum, he ketch par
ticular thunder. So dad used to sleep
with his head out of the winder, SOS to
wake up quick, an one night he got his
head little too far out an he slipped
out altogether; an down dad cum, ca.
aummux, right down on the pavement,
an smashed him in ten thousand pieces!'
"What! was he killed by the fall?"
oval, no, not exactly by the fall.
rather kinder sorter guess as how it was
the sudden fetch up on the pavement
that killed him. But nam she cum
hum an found him layin' thar, an she
had him swept up together an put in a
coffin, an had o hole dug in the buryin'
ground, an had dad put in an buried
up, an had white oak plank put up to
his head, an had it white. washed all
over for tombstone"
$50 your mother was left poor, lone
widow?"
oval, yes, but as she didn't mind
that much, it wasn't long before she
marriad Sam Hide, You see she mar.
ried Hide because he was just dads
size, and she wanted him to wear out
dads clothes. Wal, the way old Hide
used to hide me waS a caution to my
hide. Hide had little the toughest
hide except BULLS hide, and the way
Hide used to hide away the liquor il
his hide was q caution to BULBS hide
Wal, one cold day old Hide got hi,
hide so full of whiskey that he pitched
head first into snow w.bank, an ther,
stuck and friz to death. So nam haC
him pulled out, an then she had anoth
er buryin' ground an had him buriec
an then she had another white. GA!
plank put up at his head an white-wash
ed all over, an'-"
$50 your mother was once more
; widow?"
"Oh, yes, but l guess she didn't la
awoke long to think about it, for il
: three weeks she married John Strong
an he was the strongest headed Gus
you ever did see. He went fshen
: one day an got drowned, an he was 81
tarnal strong headed, I'll be darned t,
darnation, if he didn't float right agil
the current, an they found him abou
three miles up the stream, an it tool
three yoke of oxen to haul him out
Wal, nam had him buried along side Q
tother two, an had white oak plan
put up at his head, and whte.washe
all over nice, so theirs three on'em all i
a row."
"And your mother was a widow 70
the third time?"
eyes, but man didn't seem to mind
a tarnal sight. The next fellow sh
married was Jacob Hays, and the wa
nam does make him haze is caution
now l tell ye. If he does anything
little out of the way, man makes hiu
take bucket and q whitewaSh brusI
an go right up to the buryin' groun,
an whitewash the three old planks, jes
to let him know what he may come t
when she's planted him in the same row
and got married to, the fifth husband. =
So you see my family amt tarnal sigh
opposed to dose of matrimony"