The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1863-06-05
Sf[isteIlalleons.
Letter from orpheus @. Kerr.
REPORT on THE CONDUCT OF THE WAR.

But what has particularly endeared the
Venerable Cannon to tho hearts of his dis
tractcd fcllow.countryme is, his able report
of the manner in which tho war has conduct
cd itself since the first of April 1862. / can
not exactly understand. my boy, how this
benignant benelactor of his species comes to
know anything at all about military matters;
nor am prepared to state that he had any
call whatever to report upon national strate.
gy; but he has issued q startling statement,
and I give the whole
REPORT.
"On the lst of April, 1862. on the day
Immediately succeeding the 3lst of May in
the same year, solitary horseman might
have been seen approaching tho camp OF the
Mackerel Brigade from Washington. He
was youth in the prime of life, and carried
q carpet.bag containing tho daily morning
journals OF that date. Upon reaching the
tent of the Gen. of the Mackerel Brigade, he
sought an immediate interview with the lat
ter, and at once revealed to him that 1t was
reported in oil the morning journals, that
the celebrated Southern Confederacy had
evacuated Manassas just two weeks pre-
viously, thereby rendering an advance upon
that stronghold by our national troops a
subject demanding immediate attention.
"Upon discovering that this news was in.
deed contained in the morning journals. the
General OF the Mackerel Brigade ut once or
dered report OF our victory to be conveyed
to the Mackerels who had gained il; and
having made several promotions for bravery,
and telcgraphcd to the excellent Democratic
Organization in New York that he had rath.
er capture Manassas than be President Of the
United States in 1865. he ordered an imme-
date advance upon Manassas. The advance
took place without confusion or dismay, and
on the following morning Captain William
Brown electrified the whole nation with
magical words:
'we have met tho oncmy and thoy are hours
ahead OF u.s.
"The backbone of tho rebellion being thus
broken, the General of tho Mackerel Brigade
wrote to tho Honest Abe ut Washington, as
follows: ..
DEAR Sir: have at length successfully
surprised tho stronghold Of Manassas, and
consider myself strong enough to continue
the war, il you can send me u few more
troops. II you can spare GO, 900 under Ser
reant O'Pake, and $4,000 under Colonel
WObcrt WObinson. from the defence OF WASH
iugton, can wait for tho other hundred
thousand until push forward again.
THE GEN'L OF THE MAcxEREL BRIGADE
"This was on tho fourth of April. Owing
to continual storms, and tho difficulty On.
countcrcd in procuring umbrellas for tho
troops, tho Mackcrcl Brigade was enabled to
advance but thirty.thrco and half feet dur.
ing the ensuing four months, during which
time several State elections took place. On
the Fourth of July, the Honest Abe address
ed the following note to tho General Of tho
Mackercl Brigade:
.GKNKRAL: BY your plan Of drawing
troops away from Washington. tho capital
would be left with fewer soldiers than II now
possesses; and If tho capital is weakened, IL
follows, very clearly, that it will not DO
strengthened. My plan is directly the ro-
verse Of your plan, so that your plan is im.
mediately opposite to my plan. Allow me
to ask you tho following questions:
Il. If your plan Is different from my plan.
how can my plan, be the same as your plan?
II. II my plan does not agree with your
plan wherein does your plan assimilste with
my plan?
I'm. n your plan and my plan arc not
the same plan, how Gun my plan and your
plan be one plan?
Nv. II my plan, by opposing your plan,
shows that my plan is not ut all like your
plan. how can your plan, by differing from
nv plan save Washington according to my
plan. which is not your plan2 II. ABR.'
4 "Both plans were adopted, and in the
course Of the succeeding two months the
Mackcrcl Brigade shot a couple Of Confed.
cracics. Shortly alter this, 1t was decided