Evansville daily journal. (Evansville, Ind.) 1863-1866, 1863-10-01
Gts Daily aouprpat.
THURsDAY.......,.......................~ocToB l
THE FUNNY CORNER
A Fat Dutchman'S opinion on the
War,

EDITORS: | spOse hef so much rite to
say something as some odder men who
pays his taxes and sticks up Ply the con-
sthitution. 1 goes in for de Union alto
gedder, and | don't hat nothings to do
NIT tenn dam gopperheads dat goes round
humbugging de beeples. Dat ish not
my style. o no! | tells you vot do.
Ven dis war pegins to broke out calls
nv son Shorge. Come here. Won
Shorge, l ses. He coined Shorge,"
ses /, "ven you voS little boy gives
you de names from Shorge Washington.
because he vas a goot man ftes NIT his
cuntry. Now, here ish anudder muss pc
gund between Uncle Sam and some more
tam raseals, and l want you to put your
gun on yonr pack ind shoulder your
knapsaek, ind go und fte too und be so
goot man as he vas. Veil, of he COS.
and bretty soon dey makes him CORPORAL
und now he rits letter on me, and ses
he hat goot chance to be made captain
so soon as his turn comes My Shorge
ish no gowart | tell you, he will fife so
as tie tuyfel Once I see him lick a poy
more as hat as pig as hisself Veil, ven
he goes NIT te sogers l tell him he shall
write home on me and let me know vat
he does, and how many battles they 6te,
and how many rebels dey don't kill,
and how many rebels kill dem, and
how many men the rebels hat, and what
the shenerals are about, and vat de
gorporals ish about, and vat Shelf
Davis ish about, und all about efery
ting of course I reads sum of desc
tings in the baper, but de bapers
is all lies | bleeves not Won tam tings
from de whole of dem. l see dem make
it all up down in dere cellar | tink dey
do not know no more about it as do.
My Shorge is right dere on de sphot und
sees it NIT his own eyes, dat is better as
being. in cellar, md if he rites
me some tings, I shwear its shust
So Veil, by-und-by he rites me letter:
My dear fader," he ses, "Inotings to
eat" All ritel I sends him a pox so
pix as barn, NIT sour-krout, und balo-
noies, ind pretzels, und kase, und allies
vat is goot Veil, bretty soon he rites
anudder letter ~ Ny dear fader," he
ses, Il hat no CLOTHES" All riter /
tells my old woman ind she sends him
shirts, ind stocking, ind drawers, und
baper collars, more as two men could lift.
Veil, l vaita little, und nudder comes.
My dear -fader, he ses, Il hat no
money. Dat ish all de news l got from
him so far. But l can see how tings 90
on bretty veil myself und I'll tell You
how Itink this war is managed. Some
feller humps up ind wants to be Shen-
eraL All ritel Veil, he goes round to
his friends, Congressman, und contrac-
tors, und. some other thieves, und ses:
goes IN to a SheneraL" All rite
We're veil " Now, you must spheak to
OFT Abe, und tell him vat / wants All
rite again, ind den dey goes to Oft Abe
ind ses: Oft Abe, here ish a mity
shmart man, you shall make him for
Sheneral y hat more Shenerals as
knows vat to do NIT" ses Oft Abe
Meier mind, dey ses, " dis Teller ish
shmarter dan al of dem" und dey bod
der, ind bOdder, und bodder, till OFT
Abe he SEES, go to de tuyfel, und make
him SheneraL All rite again. Veil,
SO soon as he gets to be Sheneral. he
puts on some new clothes, nit a couple
of pounds of gifted brass on de shout
tiers, ind gets some more fellers nit
new clothes und gifted brass, dem ish de
sthaf, und dey all ride down together.
Hpd tsks Gamma6f dfey goes. Ven, dey
marshes TIL dey comes to place we're
dere IS plenty of whisky, und den de
Sheneral ses, Halt, I dinks we sthons
here; dis Is a goot position" So dew
SHOPS dere till all de whisky ia gone
ind den dey makes anoder move. and 80
dey keeps bobbin round, till bye and bve
dey comes near de enemy. Veil. so soon
as de Sheneral hears dat, he sends ont
some men to see we're dey are, und how
menny dere is Of en- So Won man ooes
little way, und comes back, und SEES
dere's bout hundred tousand: den an.
oder goes little nearer. und he secs
about htty tousand; und anoder goes
near on dem und ses swansich tousand
zen ven dey all come back DE- Shenerai
counts an up together vat dey hat seen.
una II de whisky is nearly ali gone. he
ses; De enemy is in crate force. I dink
we change our base" but if de wbiskv
Is bretty blenty, he ses: Got tami w /
mex dem raskels all to bieces;" und den !
ne brings his sojers all in one pile, und /
tells dem: Come along my poys: We |
glfs dem rebels hell" und den he puts /
some NIT dere pig guns on hill, und or
GERS dem: " Fire off like tie tuyfel;" und /
Gey tre off handi all among de trees
ven, presently de rebels hear de noise.
und dey eomeup und fire off bang! Dangl
tooi und ven de Sheneral see de smoke
Ses; Poys, go in derep und dey 90 in
dere- Den de rebels fire off in some
oder place, ind de SheneraI ses.
: Poys, go in dere," und dew 90 in
dere too Den, by und by de rebels
come around de corner. und # dera
d. + any more Poys left dey 90 in
t aeFe, und SO dey go on fighting
GIl 1t gets dark, und if dey ticks de rebels
gey call 1t victory, und if der rebels Iicks
DEM dey call It strategy. But if der
reoeiS md out dere getting licked. dey
zen, out man NIT a little flag. und he
6 nc Sthop, l want to see your
oneneral; ind den dey sthop. und bring
NIT de Sheneral, und he speeks NIT him
und gives him Shelf Davis gomnIiments
und hope he ish veil, ind his nudder i
veil, und his grandmother is veil md
al dc oder family, ind asks him ifbe
WI De SO goot as to sthop ftino a little
I'll ne onrles some dead men den dav
can go on again. N'- UeJ
IND den de Sheneral ses: ooh yes"
nad deg takes drink all ronnd. md h
SCENTS ms compliments to Shelf Davis; sL ~
ms mudder ind grandmother md dar
rest OF dem; IND by ind by. de rebels
leaves his dead men to bury themselves iJc,c'
und goes of nit his pack md baa,roo 90 I
ind army, md all he can gtbeaI Drs sD !
de Sheneral rites home a Iona Lotto D 81
Oh Abe, ind ses: " Dunder and bI;xani
Got for dan, good. Sacramen w W.
lick de rebels shUst now. und ont Jou, :" IN
TO bieces; ind takes De oda-, t eo uel:l Ilii
ers. Hurrah for lie Cobsti+rt; .Cl ui1so5-
~ Oh.o ZOE. 9. R RuL Il dey don't lick de rebels,
f &c ses - =, esi9erday de enemy come in !