Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1863-12-10
MiStellanaOuS Items.

~'A~ :" siAo S"eSp stuCh III Tie CHIMNEY. 10
- The largest specimen of the gull tribe
The great Mo-gul OF. course. & (fIE.3
= Joke byCa London 0sler-Esn a 'orss
nelghs, 1t Is because he wishes to make the
acquaintance of other 'orses in the neighbour
hood. ~ - -: .
The individual who attempted to raise
colts from horsechestnuts went into the mar
ket the other day, and inquired for a mock
turtle, to make mock-turtle soup of
: The moment a fly gets into your ink
stand he becomes an ink-wisitor (inouisitor
The author of the above atrocity has left for
the sources Of the Nile --..,-t ... ~.
:" Sally" said fellow to girl who had
red hair, 3" keep away from me or You'll set
me on fire" ''No danger of that replied
Sally, you are too green to burn"
- Which asks an agricultural chap, is the
queen of the roses in the garden and an
swers, the rose of the watering-pot. for it
rains over all the others.
Cold water ought never to be drank with
in half an hour of eating. 1t dilutes the gas
tric juice and reduces its temperature and
thus retards digestion and Injuries health.
- Each day brings its own duties and car
ries them along with it; and they are as
waves broken on the shore, many like them
coming after, but none ever the same 4 ....
- There are moments when the two worlds,
the earthly and spiritual, sweep by near to
each other, and when earthly day and heay-
enly..night touch each other in twilight
= Madness, like epilepsy, gives more pain
TO the spectator than the performer; for it is
only an earlier death, longer dream, O. dav-
walking instead of night-walking d. d
"A contemporary says the famous saying Of
Wlll Shakespeare, that there is a divinity that
shapes our ends, is exemplifed in the employ
ment OF pretty girls in Massachusetts, who are
making gentlemen's boots.
A writer in the London Times, giving a
biographical sketch Of the late Lord Lynd-
hurst, said that great as he was, he bowed
before the greatness of the Supreme Being!"
What considerate condescension! ..,-.
=" My brethren" said Swift in sermon.
there are three sorts of pride-of birth, of
riches, and of talents. l shall not now speak
OF the latter, none of you being liable to that
abominable vice" rr-
"A physicians horse being out of order,
he sent him to the farrier to be cured: which
being done, the doctor went to pay him.
No." said the farrier we doctors never
take any money one of another"
Your wife's fat, but she's not handsome,
Smith" "Well, Jones, that's expressing
your opinion plump and plain, anyhow" "You
are right, Smith, that's exactly my notion;
she's very plump and very plain"
- Mrs. Darlington remarked the other day
that she 81 had resentment that she should
eventually die III prance ; adding that the
resentment troubled her good deal, but that
she expected to finally get immured to it."
The joke of Punch of brushing hair by
which looks like no Joke to the
patronlze1, is really stern fact, as such a
machine is in operation at famous hair
dresser's in London.
Men who succeed in removing wants
from creation, falsehoods from our memory.
and dlsgraces from our nature, are to the
realms of truth what the heroes of mythology
are to the primitive world-they lessen the
number of monsters on the earth. ..
- At christening, while minister was
making the certificate, he forgot the date,
and happened to say, "Let me see, this is the
3Oth." 'The thirtieth," exclaimed the in
dignant mother; "indeed it is only the elev-
snth."
- A man in the habit of travelling, COM
planning to a friend that he had often been
robbed, and was afraid of stirring abroad, was
advised to carry pistols with him on his Jour
ney. ooh, that would be worse" replied the
hero; ''the thieves would rob me of them
also"
A REASONABLE Plea Judge said to TO-
per On trial for drunkenness:
" Prisoner, you have heard the persecution
or habitual drunkenness; what have you to
say in your defence ?"
" Nothing, please you honor, but habituai
thirst"
HABITS OF THE PREsIDENT.-The President,
We are told, invariably addresses Messrs.
Sew ard and Chase as "Governor." Mr.. Blair
ls "Judge," the Secretary of the Navy as
( Mr.. Welles," and the Secretary of War as
Stanton" With others he is more familiar,
calling the Commander-in-C Chief Henry"
md the Governor of Pennsylvania candy"
"A certain auctioneer's brougham hap
,ening to prevent nobleman's carriage from
lrawing up after the play, the nobleman de-
lred the coachman to drive off at the same
ime calling to the owner, " Mr.. Auctioneer,
our brougham is a-going, a-going, it's gone p'
O the great modification of the auctioneer
nd the mirth of every one present.
- Be not slow in the breaking of sinful
ustom; quick, courageous resolution IS
etter than gradual delberation II such
combat, he is the bravest soldier chat lays
bout him without fear or with. Wit pleads,
ear dishartens. He that would kill Hydra,
ad better strike off one neck than five heads;
I'll the tree, and the branches are soon cut
f-g,Iaries.
Sir Thomas Fitzgerald, who was famous
,r fogging, had raised a regiment Of peas
ntry which he called the Ancient Irish. He
nd they were sent on foreign service. On
is return, he boosted frequently of their
ravery, and that no other troops were so
inward to face the enemy. "No wonder, -
i'd Ned Lysaght, thanks to your Jogging;
ley were ashamed to show their backs"
CREAM CURE FOR CONSUMPTION
1edical Reporter says that consumptiye pa
ent, now under treatment, is taking cream
it'll better effect than was experienced under
e cod-liver oil, previously tried. Our ad-
ce for all who have, or think they have,
to adopt the cream diet Eat
e pure, sweet cream abundantly, as much
the stomach will digest well, and we doubt
IT that it will prove quite as effectual az
e purest cod liver oil that can be bought.
GAINING STRESGTH.-A student in one of
IT State colleges was charged by the faculty
It'll having had barrel of ale deposited in
5 room, contrary, of course, to the rules and
age. He received a summons to appear
fore the President, who said =
Sir, am informed that you have bar
of ale in your room" esa-
" Yes, sir" --..-..-
well, what explanation can you make ~
Well the fact is, sir, my physician advis-
me to try little ale each day as tonic,
d not wishing to stop at various places
here this beverage is retailed, I concluded
have harra1 aEar 70