, 1863-03-28
A Short Patent Sermon.
I will give you sermon to-day drawn from the
following text

A Short Patent Sermon.
will give you sermon to-day drawn from the
following text:
"The lady VINO beside a tub
Is not afraid to wiring or rub
Or on the floor ashamed 10 scrub,
And cares not who calls in to see
Her laboring so industriously
Will make wife for you or me-"
My hearers:-It was ordained by Heaven
not by the devil-that every man should have
wife, and every woman be blessed with husband.
In the beginning God made two of the genus
hOmo-of opposite sex. The one He elected pos
itively, the other negatively; so that when they
approximated, their mystical effect would be pro-
duced one to another. The how, the why, the
wherefore, no mortal has yet been able to under
stand-neither is it necessary that he should
That the sexes naturally approach and 49,
to each other, through some mysterious innuenee
admits of no solution. Let it suffice so. When
the Creator made Adam, he saw that it was not
good for him to be alone so he mesmerized the
man-dug rib from his side without the least
helpmate for him, as a fancy paything. Now
without knowing what love was, they couldn't
help loving the moment they set eyes on one an
other. He cast sheep eyes at her in the distance
and she threw some killing gances on him in re-
turn that fired his SOUL and set his heart vibrating
like splinter upon a chestnut rail in a SOU
wester. They finally come together just as natu-
raj as a couple of apple seeds swimming in ba-
sin of water. But situated as they were at first
and having little or no manual labor to perform
Eve could be of little utility to Adam, and Adam
couldn't be a great deal for Eve. Still they loved
and were ready to assist each other in case of anv
emergent casualty, and when they found that
aprons were nee essary, they set to, and with nee
die, worked toget ther for mutual good. Eve only
understood plain sewing-she knew nothing
about embroidery, lace working and piano play
ing, and cared not about the same. The couple
were perfectly happy in their rude state until the
cd serpent got among them, and even then
stuck to each other through thick and thin
through all the brambling vicsitudes of life-from
Paradise to Perdition.
My brethren since you know that marriage is
divine institution and that every one of you
should have wife, and what kind of a rib would
you selectP A pretty little useless doll, or
woman big and spunky enough to wrestle with a
bear and come off first best? imagine you
would not care much for either extreme but you
would look for personal charms. o you foolish
idolators at the shrine of beauty! Know you
not that thousands of husbands are made msef-
able by handsome wifes, and that thousands are
happy with homely ones Homely without, but
beautiful within. Alas what is beautyp 1t is a
flower that willis and wthers as soon as it is pluck
ed; transient rainbow; fleeing meteor
deceitful will-o-the-wisp; sublimated moon
shine.
The kind of wife you want is of good morals
and knows how to mend trowsers; who can re-
concile peeling potatoes with practical or fashion
able piety; who can waltz with the churn dash,
and sing with the tea kettle; who understands
broomology and the true science of moppng;
who can knit stockings without knitting her
brows, and knit up her husbands ravelled sleeve
of cares who prefers sewing tears with her need
lie, to sowing tares Of scandal with her tongue
Such is decidedly better half Take her up if
you can get her, let her be up to her elbows in
the SudS of the wash tub, or picking geese in
constable.
My hearers-My text speaks of lady at a
wash tub. You may think it absurd, but let me
assure you that female can be lady beside
wash tub or in kitchen as much as in a draw
ingroom or in a parlor. What constitutes
ladyP 1t is not costly dress, paint for the
cheeks, false hair or still faser airs but it is her
department, her intellectual endowmens, and
that evidence OF virtue which commands the ST.
lent respect and admiration of the world She
would be recognized as lady at once, it matters
not where, nor in what situation she were found
whether scorchng bed bugs with red hot po-
ker, or hollerng hallelujah at Methodist camp
meeting! All that have further to say fellow
bachelors, is, that when you marry, see that you
get lady inside and out-one who knows how
to keep the pot boiling, and looks well to her
household. So mote it be.