Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1863-09-17
Miscellaneous Items.


"A young lady being asked by boring
politician which party she was in favor OF,
replied that she preferred a wedding-party.
of all the Percy family, the noblest is
Percy We're (persevcre); and the most cruel,
Percy Cute (persecute),
I q am surprised, wife, at your ignor-
tance," said pompous fellow. Have you
never seen any books at all :" ooh, yes"
she replied, Gin number of cases.
= The young man who asked the daueh-
ters hand, and got the fathers foot, had the
consolation of knowing that his w0oing was
not bootless.
y When the rebel guns opened upon Sum
ter at the beginning of the war, who could
have thought they would have such an echo
after more than two years ?-Pre,,tice
= Love, in a tiny form, may enter into the
heart through a small aperture, and, after it
gets in, grow so big on what it feeds, that it
can never squeeze out again.
- wit, upon leaving church where the
psalms had been sung in a very wearisome
manner, observed to his companion: ''Now
know why Saul wanted to Kill David"
= Copperheadism is thus defined by a CO.
temporary: "The Union as it was-,galel
Bucitanan and the Constitution as it is
urscter Jet. Dan5S."
= The following motto for the ValIandig-
nam Democracy expresses their position ex-
actly: " Freedom of speech for treason and
rebellion, but no freedom of speech cgctast
slavery"
=" A lucky cuss, in the modern interpre-
tation, means man who got enrolled in two
districts and was drafted in both We be-
lievc the law holds him to 90 in both
DIFFERENCE OF ENTAIL ,-''When lost my
wife," says French writer ''cvery family in
the town offered me another; but, when |
lost my horse, no one offered to make him
good"
= Lord Peterborough, after visit to Fe-
melon, said: 'HIle was east in a particular
mould, that was never used for anybody else
he IS delicious creature But l was forced
to get away from him as fast as l could else
he would have nude me pious"
= At Bristol, Eng, magistrate asked a
prisoner II he were married. "No," replied
the man. "Then," rejoined his worship, amid
peals of laughter " It's good thing for your
wife"
= The age of young lady is now express
ed according to the present style of skirts, by
saying that eighteen springs have passed over
her head
=" SAM why don't you talk to massa, and
tell him to lay up treasures in heaven :"
What for? What de use ub LAWN ND
treasures dar, whar he neber see UNI agin ?"
A steam carriage is on exhibition at
Lowell that will run from thirty to forty miles
an hour on a common road. 1t will travel
slow or fast up hill and down, backward or
forward.
THE CoPPERHEAD FUTURE.-A prominent
speaker at Copperhead gathering in Ohio.
SAID that he expected to "spcnd an eternity in
company with Democrats" A Republican
listener responded that he Eprobably would
unless he repcnted of his sins"
The RULING SPIRIT STRONG IN DEATH.-A
dying negro was told bv his minister that he
must forgive a certain darkey against whom
he seemed to entertain very bitter feelings
Yes, yes" he replied -" If | dies forgive
dat nigga; but if | gets well dat nigga must
take ear"
Nor PARTICULAR WmCH.-'' Sister" said
one Of the rethrcn, at a recent love-fcast.
are you happy?o
Yes, Deacon, l feel as though was in
Beelzebub's BOSOM"
9 Not in Bcelzebub's sister"
"Well some one OF the patriarch's don't
care which"
Mrs BANKs.-A gossip writes from Sara
toga: Mrs. Banks cannot be called a hand.
some woman, but she is comcly,' dresses
well, and has wit as keen as her husbands
sword. Some stupid fool yentured t. ask her
what she would do if the General was killed
Go and work for my living, as l did before l
married him. was the ready reply of the
lady"
A seven year old boy, lately heard to
use profanc language, on being rcproved h.
his mother, and directed to ask Gods fo we
ness, retired to his room and was o erheard
to say: 90 God | am very sorry | said that
naughty word, and | won't say so any more
but please hurry and make me grow up to be
a man, and then | can swear as much as l
want to, like pa, and nobody will notice it"
CANTEEN.-Thc word " canteen has a
curious history. 1t is perhaps the only word
in our language, which, originally English,
passed into foreign tongue, and wa ttcr-
wards taken back in modified fn,.n. As
originally spoken by the Saxon it was imply
tin can, but the Gaul, is his wont, placing
the noun before the adjective and pronomc-
ing the letter as brought it out as can tin,
pronounced canteen Adopting a thousand
other French military terms, the dull English
man took back his own original word in a
new shape, without any inquiries on the sub
ject, and hence we now say canteen instead
tin can.