Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-08-04
The wIfe,s Determination,

when drew my own away.
The WIfe's Determination.
Ellen, you have been OUT
We'll, know have.
TO the Kings Headr
No, John, no. But no matter. You
will be troubled no moro with my drink
ing
What do mean2'
i mean what say, john replied the
wife, looking very serious, and speaking
very solemnly and deliberately, and with
9 strong emphasis on each word. You
| -will--be troubled no-more - with
- my - drinking. have taken it at
| last
i knew itp exclaimed the wretched
husband, desperately tossing his arms
alofr, as when all is lost. i knew il =
and leaving one coat flap in the hand OF
the wife, who vainly attempted to detain
him, he rushed from the room-sprane
down three Stare at time-ran along the
passage-and, without his hat or sti:k.
dashed out from the street door, sweepine
from the step two ragged little girls, q
qudrtern loaf, basin of treacle and q
baby. But he never stopped to see if tn.
children were hurt, or even to see if the
infant dripped with gore o. mulasses -
Away he ran like rabld dog, straight
forward down the street, needless alike of
porter's load, bakers basket and butchers
tray.
DO that again. growlcd a placard
man, as he recovered the pole and board
which had been knocked from his shoul-
der.
Mind whore you're goin',' brawled a
banker, as he picked up bis scattered wares
while dandy, suddenly thrust into a
kennel. cast after the runner one Of those
verbal missives, that are said to return,
like the boomerang, to those who launched
them.
But on, on scampered the teetotaler,
needless of all the experimentation be
secured, like he Camilla, to the shop
numbered 2lO, with the red, blue, and
green bottles in the windOw-tne chemist
and druggist-into it he dRrted, up to the
bald man at the desk, with barely breath
TO gasp out:
My wife !-poison !-pum2p
Vegetable or mineralf' inquired the
surgeon apothecary, with the utmost pro.
fessiOnal cOOlness.
'Both-all NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
oxalic acid - corrosive sublinity,'-aud
the teetotaler was about to add pine. apple
| rum to the poisons, when the doctor stop
pei hiu.
- - ,z-ssssssssS.s AKA :.
But remembering the symptoms over
the strength of his dream, that she had
turned all sorts of colors like a rainbow
and swelling almost as big as house.
EIhpra ia q m0manf IN lnSa , raid
Esculapius, and accordingly clspped on his
| hat and armiOg himself with the necessary
apparatus-a sort of ele2hantine syringe
with very long trunk-he set of on O
trOt, guided by the teetotaler, to unpoison
the rash and Inflated baechanaiion, Mrs.
Burrage.
Nov when the teetotaler, with the medi-
cal man at his heels. arrived at his own
house, Mrs. Burrage was still in her bed
| room, which wac a great convenience, for
before she could account for the intrusion
of a stranger-nay, even without knowing
how it was done, she found herself seated
in the easy-chair aud wheI she attempted
to expostuIate, she found herself choking
with the tube of something which was GER
tsinly neither maccaroni nor stick LIQUOR.
ice ncr peppermint.
To account for this precipitancy, the ex-
| aggerated representation of her husband
must be borne 10 mind; and If bis wife did
not exhibit all the dolphiL like colors that
he had described-if che was not out. so
blue, green, or black as he had painted
her, the a2Othecary made sure she would
soon be, and consequently went to work
without delay when delays were 80 danger.
| Gus.
Mrs. Burrage, however, was not wo-
man to submit quietly to a dissgreesble
operation against her own SeaseLt; 80 with
vigorous kick and push at the same time,
she contliyed to rid herselc at once of the
doctor aud his instrument, and Indignantly
demanded to know the meaning of the as
sault.
'Ifs to empty the stomach, ma'am.' said
the doctor.
Empty q fiddle retorted Mrs, Bur-
rage. who would have added stick but
the doctor, cycling his opportunity, had
dextrously popped the tube again into her
mouth, not without q fresh scuf1e from the
patient.
For mercy's sake, Elem continued the
husband, conining her hands, do, pray sit
STILL
'Pon-wOb-wobble,' said Ellen. Hub
-bub-bubble,' attempting 10 yain to
speak with another pipe in hes throat be-
sides her windpipe.
Have the goodness, ma am, to be COM
posed said the doctor.
i WON'T shouted Mrs. Burrage. having
again released herself from the Instrument
by desperate struggle. What am l to be
pumped out for 2
Oh Ellen, you know what you have ta>
keD.'
Corrosive salts and narcotics put in
the doctor.
Arsenic aud corrosive sublimity,' said
| the teetotaler.
.Oxalic acid and tincturs of OPIUM I'D.
ded the doctor.
Fly water and laurel water, said Mr..
Burrage.
'VitrOl, 2russic acid, aquafortis,' contiu-
ued the druggist.
I've taken no such things said the re-
fractory patient.
oh, Ellen ! you know what you said
That your drinking should never trouble
me any more.'
And 20 more it sbalIP screamed
the willful woman, falling as she spoke,
into conclusive paroxysms of the wild
est laughter. No mUre it shall for I've
took
What, ma am, pray what2'
10 Heavens name, whatf
Why, then. I've took the-Pledge y
Abe husband laughed for JOY, while
the DOCTOR buttOnpd his coat snd left the
house.