The mountain Democrat., 1863-04-04
The Reason Separated from MY
Wife.

My name is Tubbs and | am separated
from my wife. The latter is not, be it
understood, consequence of the former
for although | admit that Tubbs is not a
very euphonius name, still it suits me,
and so far as know, was always salts
factory to Augustine. Her mother did, !
believe, at the earliest stage Of my infancy
with her daughter, sniff disdainfully
| when it was pronounced; but my good
conduct and the steadiness of my devO-
tion overcame her objections, if she had
any, and Tubbs, by maternal consent,
was added to Augustine Clarissa. No! !!
the cause of our separation grew up in
our family. Could have looked into fu-
( tnfcy--uad GoreseeTI-oUs mo s"dcee|.
Augustine is with her mother, and as
that old lady is up to the average of
mother.in.laws, she is very likely to stay
there. | will be concise in my statement.
am not fond Of cats. Candidly, de.
test them. My CONSERVATION can there
i fore be imagined when upon returning
home one evening | saw slumbcring Sc
renely in the lap of Augustine young
specimen Of this species. mildly pro-
tested-my motherin-law's statement to
the contrary notwithstanding. | repre-
sented as well as was able the treachery
| of the animal, its immortality, its prone
ness to dissipation and late hours, and cx-
pressed it as my unalterahle opinion that
no well-regulated family should tolerate
them. But no "I wished to deprive her
Of every comfort" and the inevitable
mother, who was present, added, that 81
was jealous Of the cat" yielded. I'M
der my wife's care the beast prospered.
Its power for mischief rapidly maturcd.
I'll say nothing of its forays upon the
milk jug, of its sampling every article Of
food before partoOk Of it, but come at
once to the catastrophe that desolated my
home. The cat grew dissolute as knew
it would. Absent all night, and COM
plctely done up in the morning. was
shocked and objected strenuously. Au-
gustine wept and restrained it Of its lib
erty. Always confident in the integrity
of the animal, she resented my expressed
doubts of its purity Of character Our
estrangement began here. We had re-
tired beligerently. We slept. was
aroused suddenly by Augustine exclaim-
ing:
"They are numbering child some
where !"
listened. It was a cat. A male cal
beneath our window. said so. Whether
our interesting feline had made an en-
gagement that she was unable to keep, OIL
that the gentleman below was merely
warbling his attachment to her, | canno
say. There was vigor in his squalline
that suggested broken promises, and ;
finish that stamped him as an old perfor
mer. His initial note was terrific, anC
he rose by low stages to grandeur tina
curlcd the blood. A brick would hav,
been Of incalculable value. Ny PROPOSE
ton to throw out our cat to appeasc him
turned on the tears, and / abandoned tn,
idea. | resolved to cxpend the wate
pitcher. The movement was arrested by
a squall so rasping, so defiant, that Au
CUISINE shriekcd. The minstrel below
had been joined by another cat There
was short, fierce coloquy-a noise like
an engineer testing the water in hi,
boiler, and a combat ensucd. Iconceivet
an idea. had seen on the stage the he,
roine of the piece throw herself between
two rivals, and crying "forbear" spoil a
very pretty fight. l acted on this
tore from her nightly resting place tn,
cause of the contention outside, and hur
red to the window. Augustine OWNED
my intention, and threw herself upon hel
favorite.
"Let co."
"Never"
We both pulled. Augustine had the
tail. 1t was a strongly united one, and
stood the pressure. An idea. l let 90
the agitated quadruped, who Immediately
established the truthfulness of my pre-.
vious assertion by 'corrugating her bene-
factress. Augustine clinging convusve
" to the tail furthered the execution.
am here accused Of ficndish cruelty, o.
regaining possession Of the cat and throw
ing it, with a portion of Augustine at
tached, out Of the window. To those whC
know me, denial is unnecessary. Angus
tine threw herself into the maternal arm!
next morning, whereupon the materna
arms threw bench at me. | have done
my cooking since. Am likely to do so
But wish it distinctly understood. that
if, from the deprivation of my society
the unhappy woman finds an early grave
it is not who did it. It's her mother
Let the finger of scorn be pointed at her
She can stand it. Personal observation
will prove that she can stand anything
But, thank God, the cat is dead.
smile when think Of that.
| -~S~---
HARDENING OF TIE BRAIN.-Softening o
the brain is not unfrcquently the result o