The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1863-10-30

nothing,
I smiled feebly in Acknowledgement Of
his attentions. At sign from him, two
attendants drew near, and having lifted
him into chair, for he was absolutely |
black In the facc with the violence Of
his exertions, they hoisted me to per-
pcndicular aud the examination proceed.
ed.
hut will not harrass your feelings by
repeating the hctrt.rcuding details
Suffice IL TO say that ] was afflicted with
gastri;is, emphyscU alton, marcidity, en-
pyema, obesity, cUndylc Of the numerous,
bilicose veins, hernia in both great toes,
and hornlorhoids in the lett heel, besides
lots of other Diseases whose names can
not remember. Finally, after a rigid OK.
animation Of my toe nails In search of
leruptive LESSONS, he arose to his feet,
drew long breath, wiped the pcrspira.
ton from his face, with stray news
paper, and commenced:
"loung man." said he, and his eyes
glistencd with delight rs he spoke, "you
are really the most interesting subject !
have ever met with. Realty most won
d. ful easel dIht know when ! have
enjoycd halfhour SO thoroughly. Why,
sir, with the exception Of two, or at most
three, you have symptoms OF every dis
ease in the medical dictionary. Please
let me embrace you again, just to see il !
can detect cxicosis Of The v,scous mem
lbrane. Well. no." he continued, with n
slightly disappointed uir, as he released
me, " don't seem to find il, exactly but
would you mind coming round to my
lboarding house, after teu, SO that can
spend the evening osculating after 1t ~
He was so anxious to find that pOrticu.
lar symptom, that was very sorry to re-
Iuse him but had promised Sophia
Ann that | would be- home to tea, aud
knew she would worry il | staid 50
was obliged to decline. Seeing there
was lady in the case, he very politely
excused me, very much to my relief
|" Well. goodbye, my friend" said he, as
| took my hat to go :" wish il was 80
you could 90 to the war | would have
you in my hospital in less than a month
ind then | could examine you at my
leisure. am positive little exposure
would bring on those two symptoms
spoke of, and then what a magnificent
, subject you would be How | SHOULD
like to dissect you But then, perhup:
you don't like il, and il you don't, dom
knew as ] can blame you much for wish
ing to preserve your wonderful orgpniza'
ton as long as possible SO you just &c
into the At room, and Captain Herrick
will give you a IurlJugh 10 go home IN,
provide substitute or pay your commu'
itation fee. Boy, call the next on the
list"
But, SIR" suid / oghost at his con
cludng remarks, YOU don't pretend Il
accept me us able. bodied !"
Really, my friend" said he. "th,
fact is. you huve so many diseases that
actually don't know which to specify. i
y won't do to say cranial disease, when IL
Iyour heart that Is aft cted and il | men
Ition your hear, what's the use Of you
having consumption But ] know DR.
y Coggswcll will be pleased to receive you
commutntion Zee, or, II You VIII bring vi
n likely substitute, shall be delighte,
b. examine him aud some day, wher
we are both at liberty, shall be mos
happy TO have you cull upon me. Hold
just intuition your coat for one mOmen
must find that exico--"
But here broke from his grasp, and
+ stopping in the next room only long
enough to procure my iurlough, | started
for the railway station, aud never look
ed behind until | was safe in the arms
Of Sophia Ann and the children.
And now, eau anybody inform mt
where can find goOd ablc-bodied sub
stitutc, warranted diseased IN the head
heart. lungs, legs, or all of them ! tt
such u man will give three hundred
dollars down, or, il he prefer, at the rat,
of FIVE dollars apiece for each symptom
aud promise, him, in behalf of our Uncle
Samuel, food aud clothing for three year,
together with medical attendance in pro
! portion to the number and malignity oi
his disease.-UaperhiU Gar.