The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1863-09-18
A YANKEE AZ A HOTEL.
ny rns OLD 'rS.

BY fHf OLD 'VN,
Some weeks ago, very long brown
down Easter, altlrcd In Que Of ih,sc cos.
tunes which arc now now here 10 be- mot
with, except upon the stage, tall bell.
crowned white hat wasted blue coat,
with enormous pewter buttons, a vest va
lcr' as barbary blo.s m, and pair of
corduroys, whose highest ambition seem
ed 10 10 TO maintain their .oscendency
over pair OF enormous cowhidcs that had
trodden many n hundred miles OF logging
paths, might have been seem ilck-knii,'
aud shingle in huud, woudiug his way up
Long Wharf, in The realization Of his life
long unticiput,ons of 'seein' Boston.'--
At the corner of Merchants Row, his
progress was arrested 10y the numbering
transit Of two story house on wheels
drawn by half dozen yoke of oxen with
the people inside pursuing their usual vo.
I cation. j H.l.'f |'| ..I
"WhOt on nirth Is that ere - he asked
u bystander. ..r ......+.f
oh, nothin," replied the towney'--
the folks are ell movng--that's ALL
When we move down here we do il house
aud all. n.-- ----..-.----
Jerusalem ! Wall that beats all ma
tur--Wull, cup'n what's that ere big
stun house over the lett ~ .,f .fI.g
"That's the new Custom House. It's u
mighty bad locution-hut they're going
TO move II next week" rr' e'- a17
Thunder and IN lasscs. It'lltuke all
the oxen in creation for to start her -
"Oh, they use elephants for moving
such large buildings"
"And how many elcphpn,s it'll takcl"
sUpwsrds of hundred" r.ulI
The Yankee cut deep cash In his
shingle and walked on, lie next inquir.
ed for the Adam House for he llud 'hecrd
telp of that. aud was determined to pro-
gross during his juvenility, aware OF the
impossbilily of doing 80 at more nd-
yanccd ngc. ......t
He sooL found the tavern and fhc
deacon and ordered accommodations
libcr7lly 'darniug the Cxpenscs.' Having
,slickcd up little, he witnessed with
some amnzcment tho operations ola sery.
nnt on the gong, slmply remarking that
'he know'd what sheet lightenin' was,
but this was the fust timo he'd ever heard
OF sheet thunder. lilo followed the crowd
into the dining hall and was ushered to q
seat. There he cnscoDdcd himself tuck
Ing his towel undcr his chin with a sort
of desperation, as &c he wus going to be
shaved OF scalped. iefru f7. .rt
The sight OF the covered dishes added
TO his amazcmcit. bod dcrn il I" he
OK xclnimcd, 'ef ever hecrd Of cookin' on
the table but hero they've gone and
got tin kitchens all over the lot. Wher's
the fire to come from--that's what I'd
like to know .... ...
He got along with the soup very we'll
md was pausing for want of breath before
he finished II, when waiter snstchcd his
plate away and was running of with il.
"Hello you sir ~ vociferated the Yam
keel see you-ietch that 'ere back
quickcrn link lightcnen, or else you have
your head punched" .a. fr|
His plate was returned, and he finished
his soup with dignity. Aitor waiting a
moment he raised his voice again, aud
summoned the offending waiter stcrnly.
"Kalkclate to starve me % 77
"No, SIR" ..fI er
"Wall-why don't you fetch on some
lonuer-uhrb ye
"Thcrc's the carte ,"
"Where's the cart , And what in
thunder am 10 do with the cart when
I've got it! Look out you pcs'y sarpcnt,
or you'll catch it,"
"rhe bill OF fare"
~ don't pay my bill untilI have had
my fodder" e's at tr tri's
"The waiter humbly explained the
meaning. ,..,.a.. -I,..I ma.
whats all these crack jaw names
mean Give mo somethin' plain and
hearty, billed corr beef, and fetch it about
the quickest---whilc I look over the paper
and see what else I'll have" The meat
was brought in.
"Hold on !" was the next order
"What's this here Ma c-a--Read il :,
won't you, sir ~ l bs1a 5 .aIa.s
"Maccaroni, sir" rI,st. ..f......
"All right, cap'n. Hurry up"
The dish was brought.
''You internal cuss - roared the down
Easter, "cf haint as great mind Ns ey-
or had to kerwallop ye. aud make an ex-
ample Of ye on the spot, What do You
mean by runnin' your rigs on me jest be-
cause I'm a stranger in these parts -
Take away your billed pipe stems. and
fetch on some cabbage. That's right
and nov squire some vinegar"
"Vinegar's in the castor, sir" replied
the waiter, aud made good his retreat.
ain the caster is il, hey ~ soliloqaized
the Yankee; "and dwhere in the thunder
is the castor ?"
Tho young mau opposite pushed il to-
wards him. lie looked at it took the
stopper out of the vinegar, and taking up
the castor by the bottom, and turned il
up. But all the cruels manifested a de-
sire (, illustrate the laws Of gravity and
leap from their locations, ana the YAM
koe was compelled TO set il down again.
"Jersalem % he exclaimed. "This here
is curious contrivance, und no mistake.
How on airth am to get the tarnaI vine-
gar ,lll try il once more" ...
Again he raised the castor, but this
time all the shoppers tumbled out. I
"Thunderat on I" he roared, "here's u
pretty mess. Darn IL all7--here Tve got
the darned red lead on my cabbage, and
the ysler on my 'tater, Darn the thingJ
| say :" 'hA AA Il
"My friend" said the gentlcman oppo-
site, with strong control over his risiblo
muscles, sit appears to me, that il Iwere
ia want Of vinegar, shoald take the wins