The Cass County Republican. [volume] (Dowagiac, Mich.) 18??-1880, 1863-06-11

From the Sunday Mercury.
Letter from Orpheus C. Kerr...Report of
the Manner in which the War has Con-
We are pleased to present to our un-
partisan readers, through the agency of
our unwavering and incorruptible cor
respondent, an able and convincing re-
port of the manner in which the war
has conducted itself since the 1st of
April, 1862. For all the commentary
that is required, we refer to the simple
mortuary scene and figurative inscrip-
ton moralizingly noted by the scribe !:
EDITOR T. T.:-Depressed, my boy,
by that low-spirited sense of reverence
for shirt -collared Old Age, which is a
part of my credulous nature, | proceed
to record that the Venerable Cannon
has once more torn himself from idola-
trous Mugville, to beam venerably upon
all the capital the nation has left and
as mark how fatty he waves continued
benediction to the attached populance,
| am impressed anew with the convic-
tion of the serious mental magnitude
for large sized Old Age. 1t was on
Monday that delegation of anxious
civilian chaps groveled around this
aged idol of a mOurnful nation and as
soon as the ave. stricken spokesman of
the party had crawled within speaking
distance of the Venerable Cannon, he
sniffed deferentially, and says he:
Sire, we desire to know how soon
we may expect an honorable peace to
end the present war, which is perpetual
bloodshed.
The Venerable Cannon placidly
placed his beneficent right hand be-
tween his palriarehal ruffles, and says
he:
"My friends, this war is like great
struggle between two hostile armies !;
it will continue until it has ceased, and
it will cease when it is no longer con
tinued. Peace,", says the Venerable
Cannon, waving indulgent permission
for the sun to 60 on shining, Peace is
the end of war, as war is the end of
peace; therefore, if we had no war,
peace would be without end, and if we
had no peace, war would be endless" :"
Then the fond civilian chaps groveled
eestatically at the time honored feet of
the benignant parent of bis country,
and four-and-twenty reliable morning
journals Immediately published report
that Richmond had been taken-for
another year.
But what has particularly endeared
the Venerable Cannon to the hearts
of his distracted fellow countrymen is
his able report of the manner in which
the war has conducted itself since the
first of April 1862. / cannot exactly
understand, my boy, how this benig-
nant benefactor OF his species comes to
know anything at all about military
matters; nor am prepared to state
that he had any call, whatever, to re-
port upon national strategy; but be has
issued a startling statement, and give
the whole
REPORT.
con the 1st of April 1862, on the
day Immediately preceding the slst
of May, in the same year, a solitary
horseman might have been seen ap
preaching the camp of the Mackerel
Brigade from Washington. He was a
youth in the prime of life, and carried
a carpet bag, containing the daily morn
ing journals of that date. Upon reach
ing the tent of the General of the
Mackerel Brigade, he sought an imme-
diate interview with the latter, and at
once revealed to him that it was re-
ported in all the morning journals that
the celebrated Southern Confederacy
had evacuated Manassas just two weeks
previously, thereby rendering an ad-
vance upon that stronghold by our ma
tional troops subject demanding i'm
mediate attention. 81 ~
aUpon discovering that this news
was indeed contained in the morning
journals, the General of the Mackerel
Brigade ordered report of our nation
al victory to be conveyed to the Mack
erels who had gained it; and having