The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1863-02-26
Too Soon,

. ror. 10 which ~Tompkins is'dreadfully:addicted
| would ~solemnly warn all women, about !
marry, to ascertain beforehand that tnelF con
Itemplated husband is not a Fidget. A leaning
toward intemperance may be greatly miTigstet
j, in 2 husband by ones keeping the cellar key
: and not allowing him any pocket money; but 3
fsuaticism for being always before the tline' /
is difficult to repress and lmPoSslole = =,
| pate. Better that a bridegroom should nOt OF
at tie church door until after the rubfical noul
and your marriage postponed for q day, thar
> chat he should prove himselfa Fidget by pre-
sentiua himself at the altar before the clergy
; man or yourself is ready for him. your sell
: love NAV suggest that such love is only the re-
suit of his eager devotion; but do not deceive
yourselves, young women, he would nave peer
at the church equally early itlt had peeh &c
bury you. Tompkins himself Is IN many re-
spects an excellent husband, and l do believe,
{ is very fond of me; but it is timeliness first ana
feelings ~afrerward, with him, l know. when
business calls him on a journey, only enc eye
drops a tear on parting with his wife and on
spring; the other is fixed npon the clock, to see
that the cab is sent for in time TO catch the train
That Catching the train is the thought when
makes him thin, and keeps him SO. Much OF
his time is of necessity consumed IN traVelhg'
but not nearly so much as he SPENDS IN prepay
ration for his journeys. The day previous TO
an expedition is mainly occupied IN packing
his carpet bag and writing out his direction Ia
bells. He leaves over night as in a will, the
most elaborate directions for the proceedings
of the next morning. with a codicil, that he
shall be Gale d half an hour earlier than he at
first considered soon enough. Ihls last COM
mand is wholly superduous, since he always
wakes himself long before the appointed hour'
and proceeds TO ring the house up. Previous
to this, he has kept nefrom my rest since arllest
dawn. by perpetually getting out OF bed to see
fiji is going to be fine. Upon this depends the
momentous question shall he take his water
proof coat or not? If he does, 1t
should be strapped up at once with his other
things already lying on the hall table ready tor
dcparture-not a momaut to be lost. his toilet
is hasty enough, but not speedy; for in his ca
ger desire on retiring to rest to have every
thing ready for the morning. he has genera'iy
packed u, his brushes aud comb, or some otoer
i .dispensible thing. which has to be dlsentomJ'
ed from the portmdnteau, tie generally shaVes
over night; but if not, 1 tlemDle for his throat
since / know with what imprndent rap
id ty he is performing that operation IN his
dressing room,
.Georgiana, my darling, sticking plaster =
there il not an ipstan; TO lose !! is the cfy l
listen for, aud although | am pretty sure it on
~ refers 10 his being behind hand. and not to a
frightful hemorrhage demanding al immediate
R~typtic. one really needs 10 have nerves OF iron.
Presently the door opens and 1 hear his voice
over the bannisters, Jane, my boots Where
are nv boots = What No, they're not in
my room they're nothing of the kind. ASK
Susan, Confound that girl, why is 8 he always
taking my boots away? She's like a maybe.
Where ale my boots!
After the one domestic has solemnly declar'
ed her innocence of this abduction, and the 9th
er has called Witnesses to prove that she TOOK
masters boots up, cleaned, the night osfofe &C
cording TO orders, in order TO save time III the
morning, l hear Tompkins observe, in Il very
conciliatory tone, that they need never mind,
for that it doesn't matter-the fact being that
he has actually had the articles III question on
hls feet during tho whole of the aitercatlon.--
He had thought it would hasten matters to put
them oe at once, instead of his slippers, and
then forgot that he had done so. But Jane,
adds he. tell cook that | am ready for break"
fast. Is he breakfast ready ] 1t ought to
be; yes it ought. 1 tell yon that the kitchen
clock is siow-its very SLOW
do not generally descend myself on these
occasions. so that | cannot say what actually
takes place at Tompkins' breakfast but l know
it is a very hurried one, and, like a Chinese
roG:pious ceremony, accompanied by aDcontinN
uous ringing of bells All this is, of course, not
puncsua!ity bpt what is it? The English
language (being framed by the male) has plen-
of such terms as dawdle and diiatory, out no
EXPIRE ssion for a by nomeans uncommon wee,
which is not only bad in ITSELF but ensnaring
70 others. Let me call it then, Too soonism.
This is it seems, a hereditary malady. Iomp-
kins' father was afflicted with it and, moreo-
yer. his mother presented him 10 the world sew
eral weeks before his advent was expected. 1t
is no wonder then, and scarcely blame to him,
that too -soonism influences my unhappy nus
band in this manner but it is a serious cslam-
ity to me. Ny very amusements are emoltter>
ed TO me by reason OF the hurry that accompan
les them. Tompkins and l are always the first
people at the opera or theater as soon as the
doors are open and it is not unusual tor us
10 arrive before they are open. Then we have
to sit in our b~ruugham gorgeousiy appareiled,
while The sharp and wicked street boys speca>
late maIiciousiy upon the bird from which my
ostrich feather was taken, or as to whether the
carriage is cur own or a hired vehicle.
suppose 1 have heard more twanging of
fddles and footing of flutes than any woman
alive. 1t is one thing to be in time tor the over
ture, but it is quite another to come IN Tor the
tuning of the orch eStra. On tho other maui
there is nobody who has had less opportunity
than myself of listening TO the sabine strains
of the national anthem. Long before the con-
clus1on of the piece, Tompkins is Fidgeting to
be away, in order that the carriage may be
brought up at once or because Tomorrow is
Sunday. my love, remember or because to
morrow is not Sunday, aud he has to be up
preternaturally early in order to be at some Of
fee in the ciiy-at eleven. | protest that, as
often as | have seen Don Giovanni, L nave
never yet beheld the ghostnscene and though
| have watched Queen Catharlne sink to sleep
at the P!incess's, at tn conclusion of Henry
VII | have never yet had the pleasure OF see
ing her celebrated dream. As soon as the
slow music, lights half down, commences, and
the white feet OF the foremost angel begin TO
| slide down from the theatrical heaven, Tonp~
| kips throws my shawl over my shoulders ana
offers me hjs arm witt an cmpTesSGment That
would DC f~atteriug indeed lift were caused by
anything but the fidgets. Similarly 1t not.
| fear, religious feeling which prompts MIN to
arrive in church a quarter of an hour before
the earliest of the congregation make their APP
pearances, ter otherwise he would net be rub
ping his hat round with his pocket -handker>
chief, and whisperIn Now my love are you
ready 4 while the clergyman Is saying the ben
ediction. Too -soonism in a place OF worship
is not, indeed, conductive to devotion. The
plethoric beadle, who will not venture to yawn
Tor the next two hours, opens HE mouth WIDE
enough when Tompkins and myself are the on
iy spectators, while the new openers who are
all pieties and courteoies when the proper time
arrives, do not deny themselves on account OF
our untimely presence, the interchange OF paro-
cbial gossip. Ii this manner / have lnvoIun.
tarily become possessed of the knowledge OF
our neighbors have not paid for their pew rents
this six months, mo, nor any means 10 pay en-
Of which are greedy after hassocks and Of
which are as mean as mean can be- ana woG ~
as soon think of giving a Christmas-box, iI
alone a Heaster hofering' to a poor 9o1 4snt
bless We, as of standing on their edS ! L 'n"'
there pulpit" avorbea "a
Similarly, at the theatre, I have oVernearo
the third 6ute confde to the second bassoon
US n ~ noon the merits Of managers, not
ms r osl.e1s his acting, but as to his inadequate
Remuneration of musical talent ana ! rave
heard from the big drums own lips what ne
was going 20 have for supper'ano tne nonest
son Ganply sufficient, though the supper
Us NOT why he could not do himself the pleas.
;.~ ,ha oymha1a thereto. Worst OF