Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1863-12-16
THE BOOK oftho PROPHET STEPHEN
SON OF DOUGLAS.

The Now York Day Book says {:
tho following is the first chapter Of
tho above work, which we noticed
last week as published by Foeks &
Bancker, and which contains many
capital hits throughout
/. It came to PASS in the eighty and
fourth year Of the Republic, that James
the Eunich, having ruled all the days Of
his appointed time, retired to the shades
Of WHoat!aud, and Abrcham, called the
Rail-splitter, reigned in his stead.
II. Now Abraham was a child Of prom
ise, and a man after the woolly-headed
Dragons own heart; full of exceeding
cunning, and beautiful to lroll upon, as
the skin Of sheep drawn over the skele-
ton Of gorilla.
III. Moreover, he was a mighty states
man, having, withal, had much experience
in the matter OF rail-spitting, hatboating
and cooking woodchucks in the Indian
wars.
~ And behold it came to pass that,
on his journey from the Far West to the
seat Of empire, even to the place that is
called the Capitol, he made divers and
sundry speeches, of great and marvellous
power, insomuch that the bills trembled
at the sound Of his voice, and vast scores
Of little pigs and jackasses, and other
beasts of the field, came and gathered
about him. and were dumb with amaze
ment at the beauty and majesty Of the
king.
Y. And, 10, when he was come TO the
place that is called Gotham that is built
upon the water that is over against the
land Of the Jerseys, he rested for the
night. And the people came unto him.
aud took him up into the temple Of the
city, and there gathered about him men
of high aud low degree, who we're curious
to LOOK upon the king, TO see what man
ner of man he was.
VI And the great height Of Abraham
amazed the people, insomuch that .
young and daring giant from the Aroos-
took, in the land of Maine boldly chal-
lenged the king 10 stand up and measure
With him. But the king, looking down
with pity upon the young man, said, No,
will not measure with thee, but if thou
hast sister, bring her hither, and her
will kiss.
VII. And, 10, the people were dumb
founded at the elegance and majesty of
the king, and they fell down and worship
ped him.
VIII. And Abraham was also a great
general, being q maH mighty in tbattle.
and Of such exceeding strategy and ex-
ceediug courage, that he cut his way, by
night, through hundred millions of hos
tile men in arms, that lay in camp in the
region Of country that is between the city
that is called Harrisburg and Washington,
which, is so nDmcd from the Father OF his
Country.
IX. Now, having escaped the bloody
legiQTs OF his imaginary foes, Abraham
assembled tho throne on the fourth day OF
the third month; and he summoned to-
kether the chiefs Of his clan, even the
mighty men Of unknown yalor and virtue
who gladly came uRto him and threw
themselves at his feet
Y. And the king said unto William,
whose surname is Seward, come thou and
be my chief trumpeter, TO blow the fame
of our kingdom 10 the four corners ol the
globe, and to make all other kings sno
potentstes to tremble and flee away be-
fore the majesty OF our power.
Xf. And then he called a fish from th'
great deep, which is also called Salmon
being named Chase among the natives OF
the wilderness of Ohio, and lie said untc
him, Be thou my purse-bearer; and as wC
have neither silver nor gold, get thou en-
gravers and printers, and blue ink, an'
red lux, and much green paper, and man.
mighty printing machines withal, and lie
us nrrt money, to astonish the heather
VINO think that nothing but silver anC
/ gold are precious metals
! XII. And next the king appointe,
Simon, who is called lie Just, to be hl
minister of peace, ard he said uuto him
Do thou set up our comely Black Idol
and bid all the PEOPLE to fall down ant
worship it ID, ii any refuse, do thou dra'
forth thy sword, and snite them hip an
thigh for say unto you, that OF sue
neither man, woman nor child shall liv
in my kingdom. And Simou bowed dow
his head, and kissed the hem Of his gal
ment, and said, my lord, | will.
XIII. Then Abraham sent for one Gid
con, whose surname is Wells, who is nc
deep, but is covered with much bair, an,
he said unto him, Do thou be my rule
over Tho seas; ana get thee speedily
hundred ships, and prepare thyselfto loc
up three thousand miles of the coast
the heather who worships white deitie
lest it enter into their heads that the
viii moi all fall down before our comel
Black Idol. And Gideon lifted up h
beard, and opened his mouth, and SAT-
o, king, thy will shall be done.
XIV. And after this the king ser
abroad into the Far West. and summonc
into his presence the father of mahy Chi
+ dren, who is called Bates, and said uni
;, him, Come h.lher and sit by my side, an
Q be IL ou the expounder of my laws, whic
/ thou shalt interpret according to my vii
and not after the fashion Of the books an
judges which were before in this land
J. And the father Of many children SAT-
Yea, o, king, thy will is the law.
5 XIV. Now, there dwelt in the land IL
0 son of Blair. who was called Montgomer
aud the king SAID unto his servants, Sen
hilher this man to me, that may nial
him the chief ruler over all my carrier
who are TO do my will in sending for