Delaware gazette. [volume] (Delaware, Ohio) 1855-1886, 1863-04-10
DELAWARE, OHIO, APRIL 10, 1853

"Oh, dear. deacon r exclaimed the voice
bis fellow sufferer" do come! have fell il
to something, and can't get my hands out r.
aWho are you ?" gueried ZebuIou, as b
Roundered among the vines in sgony. "Te
me if you don't I'll throw a rock at ye :"
"0h, don't throw nothing. deacon! dear des
con, don't; am one of your sisters, deacon
don't fire nothing at me, it might hit me, yol
know"
Sister be hanged you're thief, and SO
out to steal my melons I'll have you put in
to the States prisOn-you thieving old repro
bate
Deacon DeCater, I'll prosecute you TO
SANDER"
And I'll bsrg you up for thief"
Say that again, and III break your heas
with broom stick as coon az get my hand.
free. You sneaking, old, stingy, crookeC
nosed hypocrite !"
| This was a little too much-the deacon
jumped clean from the ground-the chain o
the trap collapsed. and down came the un-
lucky Zebulon upon two of the largest melons
in the bed-smashed into a hundred frag-
ments.
There was a dead silence, broken only by
the smoth hered oaths of the deacon, and ths
stiled groans Of his fellow sufferer.
Deacon" at length called out feeble
voice
"What?" surlily.
81 DO you know who l be ?H
" No, confound it. might have known il.
Nobody but woman would be catched in
such scrape. | wish there warn'l no women
II - 4brrs.
woman created"
d" Where would you have been deacon p"
ANY way, l shouldn't have been in this
trap, with my brains beat out with my owu
water-melons.
" Nobody but man would have been suck
an unaccountable old fool as to set trap and
fall into it,"
How do you know l am into it ?"
- Because hear the chain rattle, and you a
swenring-you deacon of the church."
Confound it all, l amt swearing never
swear
should like to know what you call it p
And if live to get ont of this. see if don't
spread it Iii make the whole town ring with
it,"
Ring with what ?"
:" The story OF your profanity. III teroW
you out of being deacon, US sure as my name
is Polly Tripe."
" He, Polly Tripe? Be you Polly Tripe ~
g Yes am Polly. The very woman you
once paid your addresses TO, and then wouldn't
marry her. You courted me stiddy year,
deacon"
lis lie, never eourted nobody;
You did. and | can prove it. You gave
me penknife. and brass bosom pin, and
you kerried me to Fourth of July over the
bridge. You know you did deacon"
Poll Tripe it's faIsehool. for ! hate the
women. aud I'll have you taken up for
thief"
And I'll have you b'5ore the church for
swearing and se1oocing of me-"
There was an OMNIBUS silence. The dea-
con trembled 50 that the trap chain ratified
To be exposed before the church for profanity
he never could live through it.
Polly DEAR" very affectionately.
Well, deacon."
at you won't tell of me 1 won't tell of
you.
al won't agree to DO sach thing, I will tell
about you all over creation if you don't agree
to my-condilions,
:" Well, what he they ?"
Just one, deacon-only one-you must
marry me, and l will hold my tongue. There
hain't no other way"
"The ducel l will see you in Tophet
first"
Just as you like-but won't l tell it?-
Won't the folks eyes set out to hear that Dea-
con DeCater swore like pirate? Won't they
want TO hear him tell of the sin of profanity
again, eh ?"
Polly it is too much; is there no other
way ?"
"I don't see none, deacon"
Well. then, shut your mouth. and I'll mar
ry you, darnaton take you. And now if you
amt chaned to the fence come over here and
let's help each other out of this"
Polly obeyed-her feet were free, and the
deacon hastened to release her hands while she
released his feet.
Now, mind, Polly, not word of my
swearing"
Not word And mind you, deacon not
a word of my stealing"
No, not a word"
They clasped hands on it, and this was
their betrothal.
The deacon made good bargain, for Pol
ly proved faithful hOusekeeper, saving for
him. weekly the sum OF two dollars, which he
had paid to Mrs. Blake and DAndelion and
has been frequently heard to decare, greatly
to the justification of his neighb0rs that he
owed his marriage solely to watermelon.