Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1863-10-15
Artemus Wards Toast.

III - tOSN ~ lliC Dulli SEA
Ladies'" ses l, turnin' to the
butiful females whose presents was
perphumin' the fare ground, 81 hore
you're enjoyin' yourselves on this
occashun, and the leminaid and ice
water, ov which you air drinkin', may
not 60 agiu you. May you alters be
as fare as the SOD. as bright as the
moon, snd as butiful as an army ov
Union tlogs-also plenty ov good close
to wear. To yure sex-commonIy
called the phair sex-we are indebt-
ed for our bornin', as well as many
luther blessins in these 10 crowns of
sorro. Sum poor sperrOtcd fools blaim
your sex for the difficulty in the gar
den but know men air deseteful
set, and when the appel had BEGUN
plum ripe | have no dowt but Adam
would have rugged cyder press, and
like as not went onto a big bust and
been driv orr any awase. Yure lst
muther was lady, and all her daw-
tiers is ditto, and none but a lofn'
buss will say word agin you.
Hopiu' that no'waive ov trubble may
ever ride across your peceful brests,
| konklude these remarks with the
fullerin' centyment:
"WOMAN-.She is a good egg ~
The Blues.
CheerfulneSs aud occupation are
closely allied. Idle men are very
rarely happy. How should they be?
The brain and muscles were made for
actiou, aud neither can be healthy
without vigorous exercise. Into the
lazy brain crawlS spider-like fancies
filling it with cobwebs that shut out
the light and make it fit abode for
(. loathed melancholy" Invite the
STOUT handmade, brisk and busy.
Thought, into the intellectual cham
berS, and she will soon brush away
such unwholesome tenants. Blessed
be work, whether of the head or the
hand, or both 1t demolishes Chi.
mera as effectually as Bellerophon,
backed by the goddess of Wisdom,
disposed of the original monster of
that name.
At festal party of old and young,
the question was asked: (Which
season of life is the most happy"
After being freely discussed by the
guests, it was referred to the host,
upon whom was the burden of four
score years. He asked if they no.
ticed grove Of trees before the
dwelling, and said: "Whcn the
spring comes and in the soft air the
buds are breaking on the trees, and
they are covered with blossoms, I
think, how beautiful is spring. And
when summer comes, and covers the
trees with its heavy foliage. and sing
ing birds are among the branches, l
think how beautiful is summer -
When the autumn loads them with
fruit, and their leaves bears the gor-
geous tint Of frost, l think, how beau
tiful is autumn! And when it is
sore winter, and there is neither
foliage nor fruit, then | look through
the leaaess branches, as l never could
until now, and see the stars shine"
A man has shrewd suspicion that
age has oyertaken him, when he keeps
assuring you that he feels as young
as overland he doesn't know but
younger. Poor fellow, he whistles
to keep his courage up but. alas he
cannot recall youth as he calls his
pointer a whistle.
Rather unexpected was the reply
of the urchin who, on being arraigned
for playing marbles on Sunday, and
sternly asked, " Do you know where
those little boys 60 who play marbles
on Sunday" replied innocently-
" Yes; some of 'em goes down by the
side of the river"
What a meaning and unique ex-
preston was that of young Irish
girl, who was rendering testimony
against an individual in one of our
courts not long since. "Arrah, sir"
said she, "I'm sure he never made
his mother SMILE"
Il wish you would not give me
such short weight for my money"
said customer to a grocer, who had
an outstanding bill against him.
" And l wish you wouldn't give me
such long Oait for mine," replied the
grocer.
\ country doctor announces that
he has changed his residence to the
neighborhood of the church-yard,
which he hopes may prove a great
convenience to his numerous patients.
"Why, Hans, you have the most
feminine cast of countenance / have
ever SEEN" ooh, YAH" replied
Hans, " [ know de reason for dat :