Delaware gazette. [volume] (Delaware, Ohio) 1855-1886, 1863-07-17
oREssIMc GowNs

My name is Albert Fling. | am an active
business, married man, that is, welded to Mrs
Fling, and married to business. [ had the
misfortune, some time since, to break a leg
and before it was mended, Madam Fling, hop
ing to soothe my hours of convalesence, caused
to be made for me dressing gown, which, on
due reflection, believed was modelled after the
latest style of straitjacket This belief is con-
frmed by the fact that when 1 put it on, am
at once confined to the house, "get mad" and
am soberly convinced that if any Of my friends
were to see me walking in the street, clad in
this apparel, they would instantly entertain
ideas of my insanity.
1 have three several times, while wearing
this gown, been mistaken for Madam Fling, by
people coming to the house. The first time
was shaving in my chamber; in bounced Miss
x, who believed as it was rather late,
that L had gone down town. She threw up
her hands, exclaiming:
Good gracious, Fanny do you shaver"
n. B.-Fanny is my wife's first name.
The second time 1 brought the wood-saw
and horse up from the cellar, and was exer-
cising myself in saving up my winters wood
in the summer kitchen, according TO DR.. HOwl's
advice, when the Irishman from the grocery
store entered with the bundle. My back was
to him, and only seeing the gay fowery gown,
he exclaimed in an awfully audible whisper to
the cook:
Shure yer mistress has the power in her
arms jist."
Think of my wife, my gentle Fanny, having
it shouted around the neighborhood that " her
brute Of a husband made her saw all their
winters wood-yes ! and split it and pile it
too, and make all the ires and so on, and ct
eetera; and oh am glad my husband isn't
such monster -
l turned on the Irishman. and when he saw
my whiskers, he quailed.
The third time l was blacking my boots. ac-
cording to DR.. Howl's advice, which expands
the deltOid muscles, is of benefit to the meta
carpis stretches the larnyx, opens the oilsoph-
gers, and facilitates expectoration !" / had
chosen what Fanny calls her conservatory for
my field Of Operation-the conservatory has
two dried fsh-geraniums, and dead dog
rose in it, besides bad smelling cat-nip bush
when, who should come ruDning in but the
identical Miss k, who caught me shaw,
ing.
+" Poor Fanny" said she before I could
turn dTOuuu, OO yOu udN6 10 Dlack the DOOIS
Of that odous brute?"
Misa x" said 1, turning toward
her and folding my arms over my dressing
gown, spite of having damp unpublished boot
on one arm, and wet blacking brush in the
other hand, for I wished to strike a position
and awe at the same time; " Miss x,
1 am that odious brute himself"
If you had observed Ter wilt, droop, slut.
ter and fly.
My wife went to the sea shore last summer;
1 kept the house open, and stayed in town
cause, business. When she returned Miss
k, who lives opposite, called to see her.
In less than five minutes, my wife was sad,
moaning, desolate, injured, disconsolate, aflict-
ed, etcetera, woman.
How-ow cfcouid you DIDO 1t, Albert p
she calculated, flooding every werd as it came
out with tears.
Do what?"
Oh-woh wooh-wooh rah p
Miss x here thought proper to leave,
casting from her eyes a small hardware shop
in the way of daggers at me, as much as to
say, " You vicious, and hate cheese r'-
Theatrical for hate ye.)
Fanny, left to herself, revealed all to me-
Miss A-, through the venitiain blinds, |
had seen a go10n in my room late at night.
"It is too true" said I, "too, too true"
Al-lal-al-bert! you w-wil b-break my h. |
heart; could tare the d-destroyer of my peace
to p-pieces.
Come on" said I, you shall behold the
destroyer of your peace. You shall tear her
to pieces, or I'll be d-dashed if I don't. I |
am tired of the blasted thing"
I grasped her hand and led her to the back |
chamber.
"There against the wall r'
/" 1t is" said She
" 1t is, said I, "my dressing gown. 1 will |
never again put it on my shoulders. Here it
goes"
Rip it went from the tails up the back to
the neck.
"Hold, Albert L will send it to the wound
ed soldiers"
Never they are men, BRICKS warriors
such female frippery as this shall never degrade
them. Into the rag bag with it, and sell it to
the Jews for pair of China sheep or a crock
cry dog"