The Tiffin weekly tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1859-1868, 1863-08-14
WIT AND uUmOR.

ule reply
f. a FRnSD says he woold prefer dram
for several thousand dollars to that order
by She Government.
Az old bsehelot is trsvcllcr on lifcs
railroad who has entirely luiIcd to make
the proper connections.
"TRosr dear eyes of thine" - ihc old
gentleman said when he bfonghl his wife
another pair OF ter dollar spectaclrs.
Tnr age OF a Young lady Is now cxs
pressed according to the present style Of
skirts, by saying hat eighteen springs
have pissed over her hendl
"isS'f your bill uwrully steep >" In.
quircd a spcndlhrif. of his tailor. YOU
ought 10 know best far il was rua up by
YOU" was the sooi reply.
y or ~ am astonishcd, my dca- youns
lady at yuu sometimes; you make me
start "Wcil sir, have hccn wanting
you to start for the last hour"
Il OF 4 paragraph has been going tho
rounds of an old ludy who hos a mousI
tachc on her lip; il is not uncommon for
young ladies in this vicinity to havs
wonslachei on thcii lips.
or Two gentlemen fishing, sharp boy
appears. well, sir; git Gny b!teslb
Lots OF cm." "l-c.s, under your hat"
Race between hoy and sundry stones -.
boy little a head.
a c-rNrRv grave digger was asked
/ how he liked the business. He said he
/ liked il very we'll, but he should like il
better ii he had steady employment.
Az old English hunting song tells us
that the "L'rk springs from the corn"
On this sidc uf the Atlantic. the lark
generally springs FROM the corh whis5
key.
THE man kho "hcld an Office" got
,hcd aud let 70 for the purpose Of resting
himsclfa short time, when the Office got
owoy and has not hccn heard of since.
TIE following conundrum took a brill
ant prize out west the other day: "Why
is an elephant like whcclbarrowi Be-
cause it can't climb tree.
"You don't love me, know YOU
don'i,' said syonng married lady to her
husband.
81 give you credit, my dear, for kccu
pcne'ration," was the consoling reply.
Tur following is cory of a bill posi-
ted in country village. "A lecture on
total abstinenco will be- delivered in the
open air and collection will be taken at
the 1oor to Gefray expenses"
A orAcX doctor adycrtiscs to this ef.
feet: "Consumplivcs cough while you
can, for alter you have taken one bottle
OF my mixture, you can't" We think
we won't take any Of that stuff.
ONE Of the best looking girls in the
York Seminary, is red-headed girl FROM
Vermont. Out Of compliment TO her hair;
they call her "thc torch OF love" Rather
more poetic than complimentary.
A YOUNG man of good standing recently
proposed marriage to young lady of
the West, when Ire received Tor sn un-
swer, Get ont you fcllsr! Do you think
I'D sleep with man I'll TIL your
mother :"
A DOCTOR called upon a patient, put
the fee into the hand Of the sick man and
took the pills himself; nor did he discoy.
cr his mistake until he found himself
getting i'll md his patien, recovering.
LATELY, lady teacher in a Sabbath
school OF Forrcs. in the evenings cxnmi-
nation asked "Who was Noahl" The
scholar with great simplicity replied,
I'm new from Grantown the other day,
and not acquainted with the people here
abouts."
WAR JoKE.-Somc funny fellow in
Baltimore, on Tuesday, wrote upon tho
head of a barrel, and hung it against u
telegraph pole Us follows: IA good
beveagc for rebcls-Meade and Porter
immediately under tho above another tel.
low wrote Granted"
o. A young lady once married man
by the name of Duet, against her faith
or's consent. Atcr awhile they lived un-
happily together, and che returned 10 her
fathers house, but he refused to see her
saying; "Dust thou art and unto Dust
thou shalt return"
OF "Kceplng house, IRE youl" said
an elderly maiden lady to young woman
recently married. "Ycs," was the reply.
Going tc have girl, suppose !" was
querried. The newly made wife colored
and then responded that "shc really
didn't know whether Il was going TO be y
boy or girl.''
RowEsA Graniee Steel. editrcss ofthe
Mercer Banner, hns been favored with
"blcsscd baby" which she curscs with
the following prenomen: jefferson.
Davis Lee Stonewall Jackson. Steel"
As Steel was the patronyme, the name
of Floyd should have Been put in some
where.
A rHcK'ltEAprD squire being worstcd
in an Argument by Rev. Sydney Smith,
took his revenge by exclaiming:
"If had a son that was an idiot I
! would make him paison"
"yery probublei' replied Sydney, "but
sec your father was of different opinJ
ion"
Two sons of Erin were moralizing
over the result ofthe late election.
"Bad news, Fat" said Mike.
"Fsith an you're right there" respon!
ded Pat.
"What would ould Gineral Jackson
say to this, il he was alive nowl" ,jacr-'
lated Mike.
"Bo gorra," replied Pet, he'd say ha
was "gi d he was dead."
A GrxuIsE JoKr.-A big Tcuton. with
rotnud abdomen and forid face, was drink.
ing buck beer, the other day, a, Bergner's
In Library stre I. Mr.. Much.eek was
waiting upon him.
"You hcars." asked he, "that Chene-
raj Leo was ferry seek when he comes in
to Pepnsy kania"