davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
Teaching a Deacon.

A gentleman of this State, who resides
10 the town OF Gilmore, MeQusnge county,
is, as he describes himself, very Onsartain
In politics. and besides that, Is the most
onsartin practical JOKER We have heard Of,
OF late. Here Is one Of his j"kes:
The gentleman was in his store one Sun
day morning, preparing for the duties of
the day, when the deacon entered. An
unfortunate pack of cards v as lying on the
Coulter. and the deacon, as in duty bound,
demonstrated with OuI joker on this villain
Gus practice. The latter admitted tina: 1t
was at least an Idle waste of time, and
taking the cards in his hand, moralizpd on
the subject as well and as warmly as the
deacor. At the same time he allowed a
few cards TO fall here and there on the
counter, they lying very much in the
shape of tricks. and 10, ked as if the two
had really been taking a hand
AT this Juucture, another member Of the
church came III (tbe post ufice was IN the
store aud all at once the jrker. rlaens bis
finger on a couple Of cards Oh the cJruer,
exclaimed:
Now, deacon, tell you this won't do
The Queen always takes Jack, and the ten
the nine, and so down, and if you don't at
tend, you will never learn the game
That Jack Is a good card. but nv queen
takes 1t, counts me one poiut, besides one
out count for game
Why. neighbour exclaimed the hor
rifed deacon, what do you mean by
thatP
Exactly what | say was the reply, the
Queen takes the Jack, and it's mipe-you
might have trumpsd with il and saved it
ling age; now this Jack, with low and
game, pats me out
At this m0m-nt the gentleman from Ne.
quaugo county turned round, aud preIeud-
ed Tor the fret moment to notice the broth
err deacon who had entered, looked coufus-
ed. drcppet the cards and vanished.
OF course the deacon was caught. The
horrible tale was {, Id of his having heen
caught playing cards on SunCay. He was
cited TO appear before the church for his
bsckslidiDg, and a. the evide nee was COM
pIete, he would have been convicted and
severely punished, in spite of all his pro
testations of innocence, had not our &C.
quaintanes of the town of Gilmore made
bis appearance in the nick of time, as q
witness in favor Of the deacon, It'd a round
unFarnis5ed tale, and procured for him an
! acquIttal
1t is said to this day. the deacon has an
! increasing horror Of cards. and though be
! feels a conviction that the Queen wi taS g
| the jack and thai the Jack can take the
! deacon, yet be has an utter aversion 20
giving his high, low, jack Racine Id
| rocdte.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
DIsreSpecIGuI Terms.

Mics Martineau used to tell a pleasant
story about a certain quidHuRc. who, tax
ing advantage Of the interest excited
amongst scientific men 10 relation to the
Ross and Back expeditions, was more
than usually annoyed by bis fussy ques-
tIOns.
Sir David Sir David = be called out al
the top Of his voice, one fine morning, in
L,udon. s
Sir David Brewster, who was riding
down the street in somewhat of hurry
drew up bis horse and approached the
speaker.
ANY news from the N,rtb Pole. Sir
DAVID?
'D-D the North Pole. was the angry
reply Of the philosopher, a. he hastily pur
sued his way again, leaving tie quidnuHc
tTausfXed with amazsment
What is the matter. Sir. -f inquir-
ed the Rev. Idney Smith, who came up
Immediately after the occurrence.
The unfortunate man told his story and
dilsted upon the style of the answer be had
received-'sO nnbecomiDg 10 a man of his
standing-so abrUut. not to say prolane.-
On the North Pole -
'Poh. poh! my dear sir. said his con-
forter, you must not mind all that Sir
David says. He is singular man. You
would scarcely believe il, but assure you
it was only few evenings ago that
heard him, before large company. speat
in the most disrespectful terms of the
equator
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
4 Running Preacher.

Rev George A. Rue, who was last year
appointed missionary to Virginia and
North Carolina, made report Of HIS work
III that interesting f,ld.
i went said he, after making the nee
essarv arrangements at home, first to Har
rison's Lardrrg. in Virginia, and here
preached with some success for about five
weeks Was unable to get a pass to New.
burn, were had intended to 60, and ccnse
uuenty remained in camp. acting in part
as servant t. a Massachusetts captain, who
offered me his protection, aud furnished
me with supplies.
While here the rebels across the river
opened fire on our camp. sending shot and
shell thick and fast among our tents. At
this began to grew afraid
As it was dark c"uld only see the flash
Of the rebel guns at the same time the ball
wert whistIng by my head. The captain
told me n OF to be alarmed. but | could not
help it The hest thing that could do was
to run. which did with all my might. In
n few momerts found mysrlf 10 n ditch,
laundering in water and mud Rolling
out Of This for dare not stand up, ran
faster than before. Next tumlled over a
woodpils and stopped awhile 90 the other
aide, but the shells bursting all around
/ concluded it was best to run again. NV
next stopping place was at the foot Of a
huge Pine tree Here | fell on nv face
and PRAYED TO God fpr help. and cried: 90
Lord deliver me out of this scra2e, and
will never be caught here again.
i Twas 80 scared hy this time that I did
not know as single person was near me,
but when / IVES praying thus out loud, at
tue top Of my voice. a large number of men
began to laugh and shout.
! looked round and found about two hun
Died soldiers lying fiat On the ground
told them not to laugh. the case was differ
ent with them than with me. They went
out II fight, to preach, hut they did not
see the point"
They bad more faith than you,' inter-
rupteG tho Bishop. while The conference
was in roar Of laughter.
That's so,' said Mr. Rue, 'but under
the circumstances left and returned home
and here l am, safe and sound.
The whole description was of the most
ludicrous character, and to cap the climax
the conference voted themselves satisfied
with the labors of their missionary and his
ssfr return.
MIR Rue's salary for the year was about
sixty dollars, The Bishop thought it ives
enough.
1t is worth more said he. to run, than
to stand still or walk about
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
Health Insurance.

A thin. cadsverOus-l,okirg German,
about fifty years Of age, entered the o.
fee of a Health insurance Company, in
b stun. a few days ago. ami inquired
'lsh to man in vat inshures de peoples
belt ?
The agent answered: Il attend to that
BUSINESS
Veil. / wants mine belts insured: yot
you sbarge?
Different prices answered the agent !;
IRON three to ten dollars year: pay ten
dollars year and you get ten dollars a
week in case f rictBess'
'Vell.' said Myuheer, / wants ten dollar
VERT
The agent inquired bis state OF h,nlih.
Veil, l ish sick all de time. lie sbust
out te bed two or tree hours a tsy. unt to
doctor say be can't Go noting more goot for
me-
IF that's the state of your health re-
turned the agent, we can't insure it
We only insure persons Eho are iu good
health
At this Myuhaer bristled up in great an
ger.
You must tink Use tam fool; vot You
link, | come ray you ten dollars for Insure
my belt zen cas- reU.'
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
TheS Stars.

In Levers new novel occurs the follow.
ing: tgF
Through the barred window of nv cell
cOu see the clear blue sky, the great
consultations, and there was Orion slowly
sloping to the West, and throwing q sheet
of glittering light on the low roofs of the
peasants houses. Are there worlds
up there. thought /. human hives of work,
and toll. care. and sorrow like our oWnf
Aud l found myself, at last, crOning like
q, ballad. in this wise La
wish knew in the..stars aboye-What
sort OF a life they lead, whether they know
the pangs of love, what are the books they
read. -
Can anV one say if that twinfIinF lamp,
Is revolving upon an axisi What kiad Of
q thing is 2 lnnar's camp Do -they- psgpls.
up there pay taxes -.
Have they their tides to ebb and, fOw.
salt sea to wash their shoresi And when
ever out 10 dine they go, are plagued, like
US. with boTes. 49,
When for a bail their houses, how do
the Siderials caper? Who performs the
part Of Strauss have they Times news
paper?
conclude they haye their own aches
and ills. and l feel a presentiment SIMS.
ter, that even they have their Holloway
pills, and a sham of one fer O minister.
l feel. if looked through a telescope,
volcanic remains to see, my heat would
thrill with a secret hope, that some lunar
was looking at me. sa.s
And whence does the telegraph bring
them the news, who is the great pennyas
liner do they worry themselves on the
fate of the Jewsi or the state Of the crop
in China.
Do they speculate. too, how old zee are,
whether we are square or round, would.
like to know do they really care whether
we'll be burned or drowned.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
Choosing a Deacon.

AT church neeting in Connecticut, for
the purpose of filling vacant deaconsbip.
some diversity of Opiniun, strange TO saw
appeared to exist among the brethren as
to whom should fill that very pecuu,arv
profitable Office. After deal of talk. and
no progress, Brother B, aD honest
straightforward farmer, having in mind
the Democrats Convention, probably.
thought that a third man might unite the
party, and made up his mind to propose
the thing, although be never made the at
tempt to speak in public. Rising with
caution and hesitation, he delivered him,
self TO the point thus:
Gentlemen, | am not used to public
speaking, but, in my opinion, Dan Baxter
would make an ALFRED good deacon y
1t is sup erfuOus to say that Dan Baxter
was elected
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

IRIS WHAT You SPEND.-It' what thee1l
spend, my son. said a sage old Quaker,
mot what thee'll make, which will decide
whether thee's to be rich or not The ad.
vice was trite. for it was Franklin's in an
other shape: Take care of the pence and
the pounds will take care Of themselves1
But it ccnnnt be too often repeated. Men
are continually indulging in small expen-
sRs, saying to themselves that it's only Q
trl1e, vet forgetting that the aggregate is
serious, that even the sea- shore is made
up of petty grains of sand. Ten cents, is
even thirty six dollars and a half year,
and that is the interest on n capital of six
hundred dollars. The man who saves ten
cents day Only, is 50 much richer than be
who does not. as # he owed life estate
in house worth six hundred dollsrs and
if invested quarterly, does net take hslf
that time. But ten cents aday IL Sbild's
play. some will exclaim. Well, then, John
Jacob AstOr used to say, that when a man
who wishes to get rich, has saved ten thou
sand dollars. he has won half the battle
Not that Ast0r thought ten thousand dole
lars much But that in making suen q
sum a man acquired habits of prudent
economy which would keep him advancing
in wealth. How many, however, spend
ten thousand in few years in extra expen.
ses. and then, on looking back, cannot tell
as they say, where the money went to-
To save, is to get rich. To sqnander, even
IN small sums, is the FIRST step toward the
poor house. ~.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

WOMAN CIvILIzER-lF God were to
take the sun moon and stars out of the,
heavens, the chance for busbandry would
be what flood were to take woman out
of life, would be the chance for refine
nent and civilization, Woman carries
civilization in her heart. 1t springs from
her. Her power and influence mark the
civilization Of any country. A man that
lives in a community where he has the
privilege of Noman's society, and is sub.
jeet to wOman's influence. is almost of ne.
cessity refined, more than he is aware of;
and when men are removed from the gent.
al influence of virtuOus womanhOod, the
very best degenerate. or feel the depriTa-
ton. There is something wanting in the
air when you get west Of the Allegheny
Mountains on sultry day Of sumner
The air east of the mountain is supplied
with a sort of pabu!un from the salt water
If The ocean, by which one is sustained in
the sultriest days of midsummer. Now
what this salt is to the air, that is womans
influence to the virtue of community
You breathe it without knowing il. All
you know is that you are made stronger.
and better. And a man is not half man
unless a woman helps him to be- One Of
the mischiefs of camp life is that women
are removed from it. The men may not
know what il is that lets them down to q
LIVER state OF feeling, or what that subtle
influence was that kept them up to higher
state of refinement, but it is the absence OF
woman in the one case, as il was the pres
ence of woman In the other. Woman is
a light which God has set before nan TO
show him which way to e., and blessed Is
ne who has sense enough to follow it .
II ". Beecher.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
AMERICA, MY AMERICA.
TUNT-"Maryland. my Maryland ~

God ofour native land, to Thee,
America, my America!
With swelling heart and bending knee,
America, my America!
We offer Thee our songs of praise,
Our grateful tributes now we raise,
In sweeter strains and nObler lays,
America, my America
We bless thy name. Almighty God,
America my America!
For this fair land of our fathers trod,
America. my America!
This land we fOndly call our own,
With countless blessings thickIy strewn,
Our joy, our heritage, our crown,
America, my AmericaI
Here Plenty reigns, here Freedom sheds
Am,rica, my Americai
Her choicest blessing on our heads,
America, my America
Here commercesp spreads her ample store,
8 Which aonie from every foreign shore;
Science and arts we here explore,
America my Americal
These are thy fruits, Almighty King,
America, my America!
From Thee cur matchless blessings spring,
America, My America
Our fruitful fields, our sunny skies,
Our liberty, our gospel joys,
Al from Thy Homeless goodness rise,
America, my America
With fearful war our land is pressed,
America, my America
But Thou canst send US peaceful rest,
America, my America:l
Do Thou amidst aur nation reign,
Here liberty and truth maintain,
And we will bless Thy mighty name,
America, my America!
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

S%A voluble Frenchman LITERALLY.
citizel Of the world we SHOULD say) Was
ponpously naming over the different ,cit-
les of Europe in which he had sojoufned
at various and dist ant PERIOD Of his life.
Il did live said be. in Paris twelve
years in Rome was live six years /; IN
Londre was stay seven years in bsautis
full Florence 70 re fresh & rape and ze
bon viu. in re morning y eight years, in
San Peterborough. in ze summer time. eight
years in Naples was reside eleven years;
and so he went on; while our friend,
mcneil in hand, was putting down the
figures
DO you say you lived IN all these Euros
penn capitals all those years l-aud he
read each seperste entry over to the Gallis
Munahausen, with the date of his sojourn
in each.
Yes, Eat is right
The figures were aided Up end the
way they DabolPd was peculiar 80
Why said the Professor, in his gravesk
manner, my dear sir. your are over 9
hundred and seventy-fve years old =
'Ab! nC-zat cannot be. Read him over
gain
The statement. item by item, was res
capitulated.
Zen it is so; and I am hundred and
seVenty-fve years cd! not mistake 10
time Eat live in those places .'-KHick-
erbOcker.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

strict temperance man, whose wife
had fallen down in ct, asked the doctor
10 slow and measured tones, if. on bis cons
science as a Christian physician, it would
be in any way culpable, when lady fell
down in fit to put little brandy to her
lips. The deuce take your doubts. sir,
said the doctor, in rage; in a case like
this, one scruPle of brandy is worth twenty
scTuples of Conscience
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

The servant of Prussian officer was
one day with a crony, who inquired how
be got along with bis fey master. oh,
excellent answered the servant; we live
on very friendly terms; every morning we
bestieacb others coats. He takes his of
to be beaten. and keep mire oup
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

At funeral in the country. not a thou
sand miles from here, the officiating miris.
ter coDduled with the bereaved parents
in the loss of this loveld daughter, upon
'0hose education they had laUiShed so much
erpenSe.'
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
Joliet Signal Rates of Ady.rtisins
JOB PRIHTIEe

Job Printing ofevt, ydsscriptio, VII be aeatIyI
xpsditiOuslyexecutedt to order opI ibera itsrms-
An assortment OF blanks KEEP teOhstantI, on Ia
g. All orders for Advertising or Job WORK mn
be accompanied by cash, unlesBsOme person knoWn
ubecOmes responsible for the same.~ES
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
DEN TISTRX-
r. F.. b. CHOC HRANE

DR.. F. B. CHOC H r. A N z
w GUILD respectfully inform the inhabitants o
w Oliet and vicinity, that after an absence o (
some years. has returned to Joliet for the purpose of
making IL his future home, and adopts this method to
inform his friends and the public, that he has take
the rooms formerly occupied by Carpenter Pierce,
OVER BROWNS DRUG STORE,
where he will be pleased to all who may need FIRr
CLASS DENTAL UPPERATIONs.
Those may employ him may be assured that all
Operations will be performed in neat, tTusy and
faithful manner.
Nov. %, 1861. n24t
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

Pack your cares in as small a space as
you possibly can. 80 that you carry them
yourself, and not let them annoy others.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

Everybody sits in judgment on dirty
Sin; but clean it, dress it. polish it, aud
there are ten thousand people who think
il not 60 sinful after all
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

A good cure for dyspepsia is tn collect
bills for q newspaper. IL that don't give
you an appetite, you might as we'll cell
your stomach for trips and be done with
it
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
W. G.. HON S ON

ARCHITE CT AND BUILDER,
MILL furnish Plans and Specifications, and take
w contracts for, or superintend the erection of
Churches School Houses, Public Buildings and DWELL
ings.
Shop and Office on Chicago Street, near G A. 4 st.
L. X. Depot. n33-tf
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

Old maids are cross 70 the world 10 gen.
eral. becau they have no bus bands to ex.
pend their temper on.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

EE- As no man can tell where the shoe
pinches better than be thet wears 10, 30 no
man can tell woman's disposition better
than he that hath welded her.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

Hopeless I'D rnaIdenhoOd or bachelorhood
is matchless misery.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

So TIE passing years drink portion
Of the light from our eyes, and leave-theiP
traces on our cheeks, as birds that 4dEink
at lakes leave their footprints on thsmars,
oin -
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

RGP A bad wife is shackle to her hus-
bands feet, burden on his shoulder, a
palsy to his hands, sm Ike 10 his .eyes yin-
egar to his teeth, thorn to bis side, a dsSs-
ger to his heart.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

RSE- Swift said that the reason certain
university was learned place, was, that
mast parsons took some learning there, and
few brought any away. sn it accumulated.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

I'm" said !. do you know Mr.: Clar-
erdep. 800 F street?
Il reckon do" said he. why, have
you seen Miss Mary2"
Yes, Tom, haye seen her"
AID her black eyes have burned hole
through your heart"
.Exactly. Now, Tom"
t.Terselyan. if you please. sir"
ssNell, Then, Tom Treyelyan, have to
startters Washington D. c., tomorrow
merdlng | myst be gone week; when
Lfstefn, sbaf come to you for an intro
ductiqp 70 Miss Mary Claredon A week
trqm to-day, remember, am to be intro
dHeed
am agreeable. said Tom.
Ogthe day appointed, it came to pass
thet was 10 Newark, and went trembling
20 BOO +, street, with my friend Tom Smith
--tbeg pardon, Thomas Trevelyan Smith,
and hs Untouched me TO the lady, whom
have cs5sen 70 call Miss Clarendon. I
should be unwilling to tell her true name;
but one thing / will tell you, o, reader, to
justify my impulsive rasbness That la
dy has been ten years my wife; and have
never, during ali that time distinguished
myself for any particular attention to la
dies, whether pretty or otherwise.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27
wonders of the Atmosphere.

The atmosphere rises above us with its
cathedral dome arching toward heaven, of
which it is the most perfect SYNONYM and
symbol II floats around as like grand
object which the apostle John saw in his
vision, sea of glass like unto crystal.
So massive is it. that when it begins to stir
it tosses about great ships like playthings,
and sweeps cities and frests like snow
fakes to destruction he!nre 1t.
And yet is so mobile that we have lived
for years in 1t befure we can be persuaded
that is exists at ali, and the great bulk of
mankind never realize the truth that they
are bathed In an ocean Of air. Its weight
is so enormous that iron shivers before it
like glass, yet soap ball sails through it
with impunity. and the FINEST insect
waves it aside with its wing. 1t ministers
lavishly to our senses. We touch it not,
but it touches w. Its warm Sruth wind
brings back the color to the pale face of
the invalid; its cool west winds refresh the
fevered brow and rake the blood mantle to
our cheeks; even its north blasts brace in>
to new vigor the hardened children of our
rugged climate.
The eye i, indebted to it for all the mag
ni6cenee IF sunrise the chastened radiance
OF iho U'ENihSr Nut BRIGHTNESS OF MIDDAY,
aud the clouds that cradle near the setliu Q
sun. Bat for it the rainbow would want
its triumphant arch, aud he winds would
MT send the tleecy messengers on errard-
round the heavens; the cold weather would
not sonl snow feathers on the earth, nor
would drops of dew gather on the flowers
The Kindly raih would never fall. ncr hail
storm, nor fog diversity the face Of the
sky; our naked gll6e would turn its tann-
ed aud un-hadowed forehead to the sun,
and one dreary mnnoto nous blaze IF light
ard beat dszzle and burn up all things.
Were there no atmosphere the evening
sun would in q moment set, and, without
warning, plunge the earth into darkness
But the air keeps IN her hand shield of
her rays, and let's them slip hut slowly
through her fingers. so that the shadows Of
evening are gatherad e anSrees, aud the
fiowers have FINE 81 eir heads. and
each ereatnfe space TO fihd place Of rest.
and TO Bestfs 20 rcpose. In the morning
the graf sun would, Mt nne bound, burst
from thsNonsom Of the night, and blaze
above the horizon but the air watches for
his coming, end srnde first but one little
ray to announce his approach, and then
another, AID then a handful; snl so gently
draws aside tho curtain of night. and slow
" lets the light fall on the face of the
sleeriug earth, and. like man, she goes
forth to labor until eveuin Quarterly Re
9,Jplc
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

hI- The circle in which a wife should
find most delight is perhaps not q very
fashionable One-the circling arm of an,
affectionate husband.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

Scandal is visitor who never calls with.
out bringing her work with her.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1863-10-27

Rash oaths whether kept or broken Of
ten produce guilt,