davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

ANEcDoTE OF A Fool wealthy JUS
tice kept fool for his amusement, and
to him he once said
'Sirrah suppose all the world were
dead but you and |. and that one should
be turned to horse and the other to a
donkey, say which of the two you would
you choose to be ?
The fool answered. Sir. you are my
master do you. therefore, select first,
and I will be contented to take that
which you leave
why. then, said the justice, I would
be horse.
NO said the fool, let me entreat your
worship to be a donkey. for would
choosd to be one above all things.
'Why?' quoth the justice.
Harry, said the fool. because that
I have known many doukeys come to be
justices, but never knew the other an
imal to come to a like preferment.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
What Baltimore Is doing for our
Soldiers.

A little over two years ago, in the
streets of Baltimore, loyal soldiers has
tening to the National defense, were
shot down by murderous mob. thous-
ands Of the rich and influential of the city,
in the privacy Of their homes. rejoicing
over the inbumau deed. To day. BaIti-
more, atoning for her offense. is fore
most in every patriotic work. sparing
neither men, means nor effort in her
support Of the National authority. Nc
where are our sick and wounded 50 kind.
ly cared for; nowhere are rebel sym
pathizers held with . frmer hand; no.
where is the comfort Of our noble ar.
mics in the field more thoughtfully con.
suited. Not only since the battles in
Pennsylvania have immense trains ol
sanitary supplies been forwarded to Get
tysburg and other points. but the thou
sands of wounded who have reached Bal
timore have been look ed after with the
tenderest consideration. Every train is
met upon its arrival by delegation Of
patriotic women, and committees of va
rious Union associations, at whose hands
refreshments are administered, sore
wounds are cleansed. shattered limbs are
bound up, and the CRIME and dust ol
battle are washed away with the softes'
touch. The nation and its brave defen'
ders will not forget these kindly deeds
of the true women of the Monumental
City, whose lives will blossom with new
joys-the compensation Of right doing
in the years which may yet remain unto
them.-GNcw York Post.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

| THE W1Dow OF SoLDIED MADE
PcsrMIsTREss. AT the commencement
of the war for the Uuniou, Melancthon
Smith was postmaster of the town OF
Rockford, ILL.,, and his wife was acting
as deputy P. M. Feeling it bis duty to
participate in the struggle Mr.. Smith
raised "a regiment, of which he appointed
. Colonel, and entered the service under
Gen. Grant, leaving Mrs. Smith to attend
to the duties of the post-office. Colonel
Smith distinguished himself on several
occasions, and at the recent stornlng OF
the first redoubt at Vicksburg. led the
forlorn hope, and was shot through the
head and killed Application was then
made for the appointment, as postmaster.
of a gentlemen. who. under ordinary
circumstances, would have been proper
person to fll the office. Counter appli-
catioDs to retain the widow were also
sent in. The matter being brought be-
fore the President he endorsed the appli-
cation for the widow, and sent letter
to the Postmaster General, Of which the
following is a copy:
ExEcUTIvE MANSION, Washington,
July "a. 1868.
Hon. Postmaster General-Sir. Yes
terdav little endorsements of mine went
to you in two cases of Postmasterships
sought for widows whose husbands have
fallen in the ba tiles of this war. These
cases occurring on the same day. brought
me to reflect more attentively, than l
had before done as to what is fairly due
here in the dispensing Of patronage TO-
ward the men, who. by fighting our but
ties, bear the chief burden of saving our
country. My conclusion is that, other
claims and qualifications being equal.
they have the better right. and this is es-
pecially applicable to the disabled soldier
and the deceased soldiers family.
Your obedient servont,
A. LINCOLN.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

GEN. MORGAN AND" "BUrFENuTrs. >
The GAINESVILLE Courier says that just as
Morgan left MEANWHILE en- route for Dan
gerous Crossings, on the Little Miami
Railroad, be encountered . man with
six fine horses, purchased for our Gov
ernment service Morgan demanded at
once the six sleek charge The owner.
in good humor. remarked that he thought
he might divide. and only take half. -
Morgan replied that he would, and just
as the horses were handed over the own.
er felt 80 good over his luck with John
that be communicated to him some Of
the signs and grips of the Golden Circle.
of which he was member. At this
Morgan became enraged and swore he
was Confederate officer, but neverthe-
less he hated "butternut' signs worse
than HI, aud at once took all six Of
the poor FOOLS horses, and left him to
grumble and swear.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
The Deacon and the Ram.

A short distance from the line which
divides Massachusetts, and New Ham.
shire, lives pious old deacon. who fears
the Lord and d. tests levity The deacon
owns a ram, o savage fellow. always
ready for a fight, and this belligerent
spirit the old gentleman's two sons took
advantage OF.
The deacon's farm has stream of
water running through it on the bank Of
which there is q rock extending close to
the water for some distance. and about
ten feet above it. and which cannot be
seen from the house. The boys were in
the habit of driving their fathers sheep
to this spot. and then vexing the old
ram. until be would pitch at them. with
all bis might. when they would drop fiat
down and let the old ram 60 headlong
over them. from the top of the rock into
the deep water below,
This was rare sport for the boys. but
one day the deacon caught them in the
very act of giving old 'Thumper' bath
and dealt with them as he felt in duty
bound to do for such ked-mindedness.
Some time afterwards. the deacon
chanced to 60 to the aforesaid rock. and
seeing the sheep feeding near it. he felt
q strong inclination to see bis ram make
another plunge into the water.
After looking about to make sure that
not another was in sight 10 witness his
folly he crouched down on the edge Of
the rock, and made q show of fight
against 'Thumper' who accepted the
challenge, and charged with all his force
SO rapidly that, the Deacon being rather
slew, and failing to drop in time. went
over thee rock headlong into the water
along with him,
Here was fix for deacon to be
caught in sure enough; and; to add to
his modification, by the time he and his
ram got out of the water, the boys were
standing on the rock above him. laugh
ing most boisterously. The deacon went
off home-the boys told of his mishap-
and the old man is called Deacon Slow
to this day.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

How GRANT BECAME A GENERAL.-Gen-
eral Grant entered the service for this war
as Colonel of the 2lst Illinois infantry He
had raised his regiment near Springfield,
and was about to have it mustered into the
service when many Of his men gave evidence
of dissatisfaction and expressed an unwilling
ness to be sworn 10. They had tried the
camp life short time and didn't like 1t we'll
enough to bind themselves to 1t for the long
period of three years. Grant was getting
dsheartened, and was mourning the prospec-
tive loss of his eagles when he accidentally
met Gen. Logan, who happened to be in
Springfield about that time. he made his
troubles known to him. They counseled
together on the subject for a while, finally
Grant told Logan that he thought, that if he
(Logan) would make speech to the men it
might do some good. Logan made a speech
in which he urged them to enlist, one and
all he painted the soldiers life in rainbow
bues and soon dispslled the prosaic idea
which the new recruits had Of what was in
store for them. His address had the decided
effect. Every man was sworn in and Grant
was commissioned Colonel. He has often
said since that if 1t had not been for Logan,
he would probably never have been in the
army. ..r..
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

CURIOUS DIALOGUE The following
rich scene is said to have lately occurred
in one of our courts of Justice, between
the Judge and Dutch witness all the
way from Rotterdam.
Judge-'What is your native Ian.
guage?'
Wituess-'I pc no native, Ise only a
Dootchman.'
Judge-'what is your own mother
tongue
Witness-'O, fader say de all tongue.
Judgs-Gn an irritable tone)-'What
language did you first learn What Ian
guage did you speak in the cradle ?
Witness Il It'd not speak no largauge
in te cradle. I only cried in Dootch ?
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

ARE YOU KIND TO YOUR MoTHER!-
Who guarded you in health, and com.
forted you when iii? Who hung over
your little bed when you we're fretful.
and put the cooling draught to your
parched lips? Who taught you how to
pray and gently helped you to read?-
who has borne with your faults. and
been kind and patient with your childish
ways? Who bves you still, and who
contrives and works for you every day
you live? 1t is your mothcr-your own
dear mother. Now let me ask you-Are
you kind to your mother?
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
Hligrellaneaus.
Washingt0n's Opinion Of a Mob.

The opinion is expressed that the au-
,horitcs of New York dealt too !enieutly
with the mob in that city, especially in
appealing tc them to desist from their
lawless proceedings, instead of dispensing
and qucllug the riot hy prompt display
of force. Washingtou's judgement was
once very decidedly expressed touching
the best mode Of dealing with popular
tumuts. In October, 1856, in letter
to Richard Henry Lee, resp, citing Shay's
rebellion IN Mass. he said: "You talk
my good sir, Of using influence to ap-
pease the the present tumult in Massa-
cbusetts. know not where til It iDfu-
ence is 10 bu found, nor, il attaina-
BILE, that it would be a proper remedy
for these disorders. Influence Is not Gou-
ernnent. Let US have Government, by
which ourselves, liberties and properties
will be secured or let US know tie worst
at once. Under these Impressions. my
humble opinion is that there is call for
decision know precisely what the insur-
gents aim at If they have real grie,-
ances, redress them, il possible, or ac-
knowledge the justice of them ami your
inability to do in the present moment.
Thry hare not, employ the force Of the
GoUernnrm oyainst them at once. i
tbs Is iaud'q"ote, al w,H be convinced
that the superstruturce IS lad. or ~dnts
support.
TO be more exposed in the eyes of the
world, and more contemplate, is hardly
possible. To delay one or the other of
these expedients, is to exasperate on the
one HI nd, or to give confidence on the
other. aud will add to their numbers /;
for, like snow-balls, such bodies increase
| by every movement, unless there Is
something in their way to obstruct and
crumbic them before their weight is too
great and irresistible. These are my
sentiments. Precedents are dangerous
things. Let the reins of Government
then be braced with a steady hand and
every violation of the Constitution be
reprchended. If defective let it be amen
ded, but not trampled upon while it has
an existence
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

WoMANs "THIRrY PoINTs,"-An old
Spanish writer says that woman is quite
perfect and absolute In beauty If she have
thirty good points. Here they are.
Three things white-the skin, the teeth
the hands.
Three black-theeyes, eyebrows. syelashes.
Three red-the lips, the cheeks, the nails.
Three long-the body, the hair. the hands.
Three short-the teeth. the ears, the feet.
Three broad-the chest, the brow, the
space bstween the eyebrows.
Three narrow-the mouth, the waist, the
instep.
Three large-the arm, the hip. the calf.
Three free-the fingers, the hair, the lips.
Throe small-the breast. the nose, the
head.
Thirty in all.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
Stephen w. Downey's,
Government Claim Office and Law
Office, Opposite Revere House,
CUMBERLAND, MI

CUMBERLAND, MD.
ATTENTION SOLDIERS AND OF
FICERS! Attention Widows of Sol
diers aud Officers Attention Fathers.
Mothers, Sisters and Brothers of decd.
Soldiers and Officers Attention OH-
GERS and Soldiers who have had horses
and equipage lost in the Military Serv-
ice of the United States F! Attention
Officers who have recruited for the
Service and have unsettled accounts !!
Attention farmers whose grain has
been taken for the Armies of the w.
States! Attention all who have claims
against the United States
NTOW il your time to have them
~ collected or put in proper shape so there
will be no difficulty in collecting them ut some
future dav. Do not deer the matter until the
evidence necessary 10 substantiate !olr claims
cpunut be had
Soldiers who have served two years are en-
l!led to Slo0 Bounty,
Soldiers discharged on account OF wounds
received in battle arc entitled to 500 Bounty
and u pension of S5 per month. The heirs OF
deceased Soldeis are euitled TO the same.
Officers discharged the service on account OF
wounds and the widows nnl children of de-
ceased Officers are en'i'led to pensions as iol-
follows viz For Ii. Col. and all officers of
higher rank $50 per month. Majcr $25, Captain
S2D. lst tSl7, 2nd 1t. SIS.
Especiat attention given to Courts Martial,
and officers under chargts should not fall to
apply for counsel,
The une,rsi gucd respectfully calls your at
ten,iou To his great facilities for collecting
elaius against the nited States.
The coll, ctiou of Boun,ies, Pensions, arrears
of pay, &C., promptly attended to.
The heirs of deceased Sodirrs will lind II TO
their advantage TO place their claims in my
hands
Call at my Office opposite the Revere tionse,
or address me through the Post Office. All
communication strictly,confdential
9.a-N No collection, no charge.
STEPHEN W. DOWNET,
Attorney at Law,
Cumberland, AIiegany Co., Md.
REFERENCES
John 7. Edwards, Esq, Cumberland, Md.
Horace Resley, Esq. Clerk Circuit Court, Cumb.
Hon Fraucis Thomas, Frankvll" Md.
Mai Gen. J e. Fremont, u. 5. \ N. \. City.
d. u VOORHEES,, President Preston Coal II Iron
Co. New York city
Messrs H. G. Davis & CO., Piedmont, Hamp-
shire Co, Va.
Major G. l.. Gratiiin, Sir Johns Run, b. Il D.
Rail Road June Is, 1863.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
Gigantic Vegetables in California

Cabbages weighing fifteen pounds are
wonders in the New York market in
San Francisco they are common. Whole
fields of cabbage heads weighing twenty
pounds each have been grown ; and hard
solid heads. with no loose leaves, weigh
ing SO pounds each are on record. One
cabbage, which did not make head.
grew to be seven feet wide, throwing out
leaves three and half feet long on each
side. In many cases the cabbage has
been converted into a perennial. ever
green tree like plant, by preventing it
from ever going to seed. Several of these
are growing in the State, with stalks
FROM two to six feet high. and toliaga
that grows thro' winter and summer. In
1857, one squash vine on the ranch of
James Simmons, in Yuba county. pro.
duced 13O squasbes, weighing in all
26O4 pounds In the same year j. O.
A. Ballou. at San Jose. grew two sqashes
weighing 21O 204 pounds respectively.
The largest California onion weighed Al
ounces avoirdopois, and measured ~
inches in circumference. The largest
red beet weighed 11S pounds, was five
feet long and foot in diameter. 1t was
three years old. The first it grew to
weigh 4s pounds. and because of its
large size was reserved for seed but it
disappointed its owner. and instead of
producing seed the next year. merely
kept on growing and reached the size of
Sc pounds, and the following year got
to l18. Such beets can be grown in
abundance. A beet of twenty pounds
is q wonder in New York. IN California
it is too common to attract more than
glance. Beets are frequently three feet
long.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
Aoetital.
A Patriotic Song for the Times

TUNE-BannockbarE.
Men who have a common cause.
Constitution, Freedom, Laws,
Onward march, without pause,
And to victory.
Now's the day now's the hour,
See the front of battle lower,
See approach jeff Davis power,
Chains aud slavery.
Who will be secesh knave,
Who will fill traitors grave,
Who would be jeff Davi $ slave?
Coward turn and see.
Who for country, home and friend
Freemen's help will freely lend
Freemen stand and freemen end
In death or victory.
Dixies lords, with all their gains,
Holding men in scrvile chains,
Shall he drained in all their veins
Cutl all are free.
BY the justice -four God.
We will take the rebels rod,
Aud lay them low below the sod.
Aud make our country free.
Lay tie numbering rebels low,
Scce,h fall in every foe,
Liberty's in every blow,
We will do or DIE.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
LeFevre's Vermifuge.
CERTIFICATES

vXTE have tested the efficacy Of he frvre''
w Vermifuge, and can recommend it to
Practitioners and the Community at large, 'e
be the ,,,,,
CIENr yERMIFUdE thatwe have used,
l. II. BRYAN. NJ. D., and ii. b. Lazure, NJ. d.,
Fstterman, Taylor County, Va.
WIN. b. Coltett, NJ. D., T. Kennedy, Al. D.
and S II. Meade, N. D., Graitou. Taylor Co.'
Va.
II. q. McCioovan, N. D., Fairmoint, Marion
County, Va.
,r;st,r II. LEFEVRE & co.
Anr;, 40 Cumberland, Md.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

ONs OF THE CHIvALRY.-It is said
that after Vicksburg surrendered. ono
of the Rebel oficers-Gen. Lee, of South
Carolina-iu order to display his spirit.
opened vein in his arm and wrote his
parole with blood. We should think it
hardly necessary that . gentleman. hav-
ing proper faith in his simple word Of
honor, should endorse i. 10 ink taken
from his own veins. There is . Quixo-
tism about such an act that makes il
ridiculous.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
A Coon ONE.-As the weed know, toba

A GooD ONE.-As the weed know, tobac.
CO has rz,' and the packages grow cores
pondngly small. A substantial supporter
of the weed stepped into cur friend b store
the other day, and throwing down6 We cents
of postage currency, said: give us that in
tobaccol' the order was complied with
when the customer glancing at the pack rage
threw down another five cents remar king
well, thought Eve cents would get chaw
ANYHOW, I must have chaw, our friend B.
appreciated the joke, and gave him 'chaw
for Eve cents.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
luSOlUeslt's NOtice.

Geo, A. Fearer, ORDERED, this Gath day
VS.. Aprl 1868, that George
His Creditors. A. Fearer give notice to
bis creditors, endorsers, and sureties, that the
I'd Monday Of October, next is Fixed FOR the
said Geo. A. Fearer to appear in the Circuit
Court to answer such interfogatories IS mis-
creditors, endorsers, and sureties may propose
or allege against him; and that copy OF this
order be published in some newspaper printed
in the city of Cumberland once week Tor
three successive months prior TO said I'd Mon
day of October next, as such notice.
Test-H. RESLEY,
] June IS 1868. Clerk.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
Extracts for the Handkerchief.

TUST received from X. BaIiu Of Philadelphia
j the following Extracts:
Extracts Musk, Patchouly, Lilly of the VAL
lev, New Mown Hay, Pink Portugal, swee,
Pea, Tubsrass, Tea Rose, Veliyert' Westendt
Marehale. Verbena, Boquet de Caroline, Glenn
ntits. Jenny Lind, Citrouei!a Rosai, ieranium'
Honey Suckle, Ja.samin, Jockey Club hiiie
Flaurs, Magnolia. r,co
April 80. 4. LIZ E| NE w.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

WHAT censorious liar exclaimed oil
Mrs. Psrtington, as she read in paper an &C
count of q new counterfeit which was said to
contain three women and a bust Of Washing
ton on each end What I" said she, Gen.
eral Washington on bust + IT'S not 20 r.
and the old lady LITE dher specs, and declared
sbe had known the old gentleman for the last
thirty years. and she had never heard OF hi'
being on . bust much less with three womed'
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

Sometimes there passes over the fields
wind which parches the plants, and
then their withered stem will droop to-
ward the earth; but watered by the dew.
they regain their freshness. and lift up
their languishing heads. So there are
always burning winds which pass over
the soul. and whittier it. Prayer is the
dew which refreshes it again.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
Collars! Collars J!

4 NEW article just introduced, made ct
A Steel, and equal to the finest quality linen.
One will last life time, and when soiled can
be instantly cleansed with sponge a"d water
All styles and descriptions. For circular cen
tanning description and patterns, address en-
closing stamp u. r. hnoioN, i
April 80, ls63-3m. ba'omote'
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

"WHY, Sambo how black you are + said
a gentleman, the other day, to negro waiter
at hotel. "How in the world did you get 30
black" "Why, look a-here, massa de reason
OF dat am dis-de day dis chile was born there
was an eclipseP'
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

PENNY ToKEN.-At the United States
Court in Utica, last week, a manufacturer OF
penny tokens was indicted, convicted and
sentenced to one year in the State Prison.
The tokens were in the simlitude of the
coin of the United States and bore the in.
scription Not one cent
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

n6- 1t is said that the Petersburg Ex-
press compliments our navy by stating that
our ships have alone saved our armies from
annihilation. The navy has done noble SER
vice. 1t needs not the voice of the Peters,
burg Express to assure the world of that.
But what ships we're they that sailed in TO
save our army from Lees 'annihilatoIs' at
Gettysburg?
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

The COMMERCIAL INTERCOURSE WITH THE
SoUTH.-It is stated that several heavy st.
Louis, and one or two Chicago houses have
chartered boat, and in company with an
iron-clad, propose to make an excursion to
the land of cotton and sugar, for the pur-
pose, If possible, of establishing CONNER.
cial intercourse.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

NJ Ferguson, the poet, died Of starva-
ton. A SPLENDID monument adorus his
grave, and on It il written. He ask for
bread and ye gave him stone The severest
sarcasm ever uttered.
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06
ROAD NOTICE.

NOTICE is hereby given to all VII nm 1t mty
tend to apply to the County Commissioners, for
the re- opening of County road, beginning at
the ford on Savage Creek, and running up to
the Bearpen and to the Meadow Mountain
road, whore the same is to terminate.
JOHN WORNICK,
JOHN WAGER,
Anr;l an ,S63-tm and others
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

SLEEr.-The great secret Of the superior
health Of tho English Is the greater amount
Of quiet sleep. The Americans, as nation,
are wearing out prematursly for want ofrsss.
DR.. kdu
Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1863-08-06

"p6-I am surprised, wife. at your igno.
rance. Have you never sesn.a any books u ali
0h', yes, in a number Of cases.