, 1863-01-31
Portland oorrespondence-

EDS. STATESMAN Victor Smith and DIR. An
son G. Henry have gone to Washington two
political guns of large bore hare gone off, The
manner of it is this Victor had effected a small
saving in matters of the public finances, and de-
termined to spend it in travelling to Washington;
for this purpose he got himself ordered home
DIR. Henry has not effected any great saving in
the Surveyor-General's department, and was not
in circumstances to travel at his own expense so
he got his old friend Abraham to have him order
ed home, and he is now on his winding way TO
renew again the sweet recollectons of his earlier
manhood, by visiting the President l am not
informed whether the Doctor wishes a foreign
mlnlstershlp, or whether he will demand one of
the vacant Cabinet places, in case of rupture
among the constitutional advisers of the Presi
dent From the character of many of the Fed
eral appointments, l would not be surprised if
Dr' henry tods made o Brigadier General, or
something cf that Sort These are the times for
/ small men, and ours is the country, of all Others
! in which they flourish most luxuriantly. As the
Y ankee boy out West wrote to his father: "Do
come out here daddy-any id fool can get an
office here;" so it is now, any id fool can get
to be a Brigadier General or a Paymaster.-
Speaking OF Paymasters, reminds me that the
portly form of Maj Francis, in full refulgence of
brass buttons, military cap, stripes shouderstraps
and regulation blue, may be seen promenading
ral When | said that this was the day of small
men, about fifteen seconds ago. did not mean
small in stature, but in brains for larger man
than the corpulent Paymaster it is difficult to find
Whenever look at him, | am reminded of re-
tort that double SIT" Cartier cnce made to Gov
ernor Addison &. Gibbs. Poor Cartier is now
mouldering in the grave, but it can do no harm
to recall one Of his happiest hits. Mr.. Gibbs had
been very sarcastic to Cartier. who was an oppo-
affO 70 H.
arose and said 'Mr. Gibbs if you could only
coin your bowels into brains, you would be the
wisest man in the world" Wasn't that Jolly
good thrust at the ponderous corpus of Gibbs p
When commenced writing about Paymasters,
purposed to have few words to say about
PAYMAsTERs IN GENERAL
Besides the agreeable task of handling the pc.
cuniary, it is the duty of Paymaster to act as
aiddecdmp in the field. Unfortunately Uncle
Abe has appointed nearly all of the Paymasters
out of the reserve corps of 250 Founders, who
cannot ride a-horseback any more than can hip
popotamus or a rhinoceros. Being, by the very
conditions of their corporeal existence, prevent
ed from taking rery active service in the field,
these gentlemen are perforce compelled to do
something. A ST. Louis paper says that they
swarm the streets of that city, girded with blood
ers muckle whangers yet breathing vengeance
dire on the Secesh; anxious to settle with the
chief of the Department so as to get back to the
seat of war, yet never getting through with their
urgent business until the battle is fought and the
victory won, another red field is covered with |
defeated patriots. Can't you see that in order to I
thrive you must "crook the plant hinges of the |
knee to this toad-beled corps" that thrift may
follow fawning. But enough of this subject.
INCREASE OF oRRGoN CAVALRY.
The Governors Proclamation is out for six ad- /
dtional companies for the Oregon Cavalry Regi- |
ment. His Corpulency, Governor Gibbs is very
much bored by applications for commissions
He tells me that he is in a great strait in the
matter of choosing officers from among the nu-
merous and talented applicants One gentle
man, who spells cavalry with "k," wants to vol
unteer as Major. Another wants to volunteer as
Captain in the corpse of Oregon's defenders, and
so on. Speaking about Addison c. reminds me
that you 'preiudced in regard to him. Let
me assure you that, he is the equal of the Rev.
Mr.. Pearne in pety, superior to "Jishe" Apple
gate in true eloquence. nearly equal to Pengra in
his style of literary composition and about up to
his standard in photography. All this l count
high praise don't youP
a GENTLE REMINDER.
If rtcollect Alright, the Rev. Pearne was
about to give Mr. Asahel Bush particular fits,
when last wrote Well, he has not yet come
to time. In the meantime, Bush continues to
plant sockdologers on the fronts piece of Mr.
Pearne's reputation He has already erased the
the words tumble servant of the Lord" and
called enough of malice to the surface of the
Reverend gentlemans character to prove that
his meekness is not altogether beyond the impu-
tation of being artificial. | hope Mr.. Pearne
will heed my well meant advice, and come out
from behind his profession and give Bush blow
for blow. The sacerdotal garb should be mme-
diatey laid aside and the rigging of the p. r.
put on for the nonce.
MODERN ALCHEAfISTS.
The transmutation of metals has been the
study of school Of expermentalists, since the
earliest times. They were possessed of belief
that gold could be made from base metals. In
the pursuit of this theory some very wise men
wore out their lives and sunk into the grave with
the belief that there but one ingredient, yet
needed to transmute the compare
lively valueless metals in common use into gold !
and silver. A new school of Alchemists has ..
sprung up whose business it is to make money by
The transmutation of gold in-o greenbacks This ,
new school of Achemists have discovered the one
ingredient necessary to make money in this
way ) that is, rascality. To be more explicit
refer TO the speculatons in the moneys of the .
United States by Government officials. Upon !
his subject | send you all there is in print at
present, ana WDen lne uenOuement OF the AFFAIR,
Dr. affairs, for believe there are several of them,
occur, will be on hand to post you up /,
In the meantime while brave men are dying
or their country Brigadiers sneaking from the /.
ield, civil officers travelling at the expense of
depleted treasury and Paymasters fattening in !
safety while all classes of public officials are on
he nip, depend on me for letter each week.
REGULAR.
Council Proceedings.