The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1863-08-12
A Duck of n Husband.


a duck of husband is, as our old
teon capable Of augiicising his own Latin,
IA rare bird On the earth and very like a
black swan" In :Ict, he is rarer than
Black swan, for there are plenty OF, black
swans in Australia, aud there are two now
in the Central Park; whereas ducks OF hus
bands are not abundant anywhere. Among
Al our acnuaintanccs we know of but ona
head OF n family who is universally admit
ted by wives and mothers to be genuine
cut .audout "duca." The. men differ
slightly from the women in their opinion
Of his genus. Tho furnitr in speaking Of
him liken him to another web footed bird
Of larger size and smaller intellectual capac.
iy! a. 4 -r...r
The leading characteristics of a duck of
a husband (who IS also IN moments Of caro-
sposal cxtasy, as for instance after present
Of cashmere shawl, called dicky duck, J
are as follows: He gives his better and
more beauteous half carl blanche as regards
dress He slares that she may shine. When
it is fashionable to be a Saratoga, he fur
uishes her with bank note wings wherewith
to fly to that enchanted spot, aud to tiutier
when she gets there. If her particular
weakness is Newport, he sends her to The
Nereds on a cloud Of 'greenbacks." He
buys mansion in Madison avenue, big
enough for a caravansary, has it glided,
mirrored, Brussels carpetei, frescoed, and
in every other way ''palatial' at the high
est figure, and presents her with the title
leeds and the receipted bills. He allows
her an unlimited kitchen cabinet, and in
order to give no Trouble at home, dimes at
L. ~, IL h., e., r.
ceives," signs blank chcquc for the expen-
scs. and considers kiss and ''a'int you
darling pet" a receipt in full. He rarely
smokes, never chcws and always smiles. -
There is sometimes a bald spot on the top
OF his Uranium, caused by deep cosita,ion
touching the ways and means; but that's
nothing. A duck with a plu,ncless scalpis
Just as good as duck with top knot
There are eagles with bald headS-why
not gallinaceous husbands? He never flirtS,
and when his wife has cayalier sorrento
he doesn't see it, in the best sense Of that
double meaning phrase. If she wants him
he is always there If she dosen't he isn't
H. never makes his appearance malapropos,
so as to create sccne-n, YER spoils pas
de leur by making pas de tri"s of it He
seldom goes to the opera, where nobody
wants him, but he pays for box there
where his wife airs and diamonds on the
fashionable nights. On an off night. he
can occupy it with friend or two. if he
chooses. That is his privilege. He keeps
a splendid equipage, and servants in br.ga.
der general uniforms -only more SO; but
usually walks to church on Sunday, and
on week days patronizes the cars. Any.
thing that his wife asks for she can have
without the trouble Of pouting for It, He
never attempted to devour crocodile, but
if madame should say ''wo't eat crocodile"
he would Immediately try. Finally, in
spite Of bis immense outgongs, he accu
mu'a'es by dint of elephautine labor
splend id fortune, and relires from business
to Greenwood. leaving behind him conso
Table widow, who erects a handsome monu-
ment to his memory, and twelve months
thereafter Cor sooncr) begins to look out
for another "DU-z OF A HrsRAY,"- Sun
day Times.