Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1863-01-02
From the New York Sunday Mercury.

LETTER FKOM ORPHEUs G. KERR.
From the New York Sunday Mercury.
EDITOR 7. T.. am no longer on speaking
terms, my boy, with the Government Of our
distracted country, and beg leave most re-.
spectfully to inform it, that the imbec,le cold
weather of the past few days may disgust,
but can never discourage me. Being Of re-
spectacle though Democratic parentage, |
scorn to associate with an Executive and
Cabinet so lost to all sense of national com.
fort that it permits the weather to become
constant outrage upon our Constitutions, fire.
quently freezing loyal Democrats for no 9TH
er offenSe than that of protecting defencclesS
lamp-pOs:S after nlghtfall. | am very cold,
and my hatred Of the pres, mt Cabinet is in
tense.
But what shall say about the agency of
this same Government in producing a Militia.
ry Necessity at thu late great battle of Paris :?
Let me put on my overcoat and express nv
cold in passionate cough, as l remark.
that ,ts ace cy N th matter fOrcibly reminds
me OF chap once knew in the Sixth Ward.
He was an ag'd chap Of much red nose,
my 'o', and lived with his youngest broad
cloth son in the same house with his Way
ward Sister. The Maynard Sister being an
old maid OF severe cOuntcnance, occupied
such portions Of the residence as seemed
most safe from tn, intrusion of that sex
which seeks to make Woman its broken
hearted slave and as long as the patient
old chap answered the door. bell and didn't
smoke in the house, she got along with him
after the manner Of a Methodist angel
Things went on pleasantly through the win.
ter, the high minded maiden using the coal
Of her aged kindred, and employin all his
black tea without complaining; hut in the
spring she joined Woman's Rights Con.
vrntion, and commenced to hold Indignation
meetings Of virtuously ind gnant females in
the hest room in the house. These meetings
having decided. my boy, that,
Whereas Man is ojus creature which
is constantly praying upou tuat sex which il
il his mothers anl:: sing TO it those mali.
enable Rights without which Woman's
sphere cannot exist. Therefore be it
"Resolred, That Woman is the Superior
Sex
"Resolred, That union with man is incom
patible with the good ofa sex which it is our.
selves; and that we will Immediately take
that household furniture of which Woman is
the only rightfu' owner, and asks to be le,
alone"
The aged chap received copy of these
resolutions, my boy, and says the Wayward
Sister: Il can no longer consent to live in
the same house with an inferior being" The
chap heard in silence, and might have let
her have her own way, under ordinary cir.
cumstances, but when he came home next
night he found that she had packed up all
the furniture in the house TO carry of with
her, and expected him to give her his watch
and night-key. He scra chsd his head, and
says he: ~ cannot permit this sort of
thing; because really want some furniture
for my own use" The Wayward Sister
threw her thimble at HIM, and says she -
sour male parient bought this furniture only
because he got married to one of the Superior
Sex; and 1t was woman which solely occa-
stoned its purchase, it clearly belongs to Wo-
,nan."
But the chap could not see it in this light
my boy, and as soon as his son came home
he told him all about it. The manly youth
took look up the stairs to where the maid
en- and four or five other spring bonncts were
entrenched behind the furniture, and saws
he. It's IAN unnatural thing to have trouble
with relations; but I'm just going up there
to capture that big chair"
BY this time some Of the neighbors came
in, and commenced to urge the old chap to
take vigorous measures. He looked at his
son, and says he: "Can you do it Tommy ?''
The child of his bosom winked twice, and
Immediately prepared to preform the feat,
only pausing long enough to look in glass
and see If his neckiie sat well. Then gaining
the head OF the stairs, he leaned across a
bureau barring the way. and was about to
grasp the big chair, when the Wavward Sis
ter hit him over the head with the broom.
and presently he found himself PROSTATE at
the foot Of the stairs, with violent pain in
his nose.
On witnessing this disaster all the neigh.
bors shrank with Indignation from the aged
father, and said it was all his doings. The
poor old chap scrs ch"d his head. and SAYS
he ~ don't see how it is my fault"
"Why,' says a neighhor of much fatness,
you're always intcrfering-that's what you
are. Now. you'll never get back any Of your
furniture"
''Interfering? ?" SAYS the paternal chap, in
nocently "Why, how could interfere with
Tommy. when only let him do, in his own
way, what he gave me to understand he was
able to-"
Here all the neiyhbots sighed gricvouslv,
and says one. Miserable old man, VIC be-
lievc you mean well enough hut the fact
is. you are species Of old idiot. II was
your business to have had anotAer son who
would have been this ones brother, 20 that
if one met with heart -rendng failure m
the stairs. the other could simnltan eously
have entered the back window by ladder.
and taken the chair by the rear. But YOU
ST. always into rfering. Take our advice
now and either give up drinking altogether.