Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1863-11-19
SUBSTITUTE WANTED,

Office where / make shoes for livin
and handed me big white envelope
notifying me that l was drafted AM
must report myself for examination, 9
Lawrence, on the 18th day Of Angus.
Now. ] consider it the duty of ever.
citizen to give his life, II need be, foI
the defense Of bis country, so on th,
morning Of the eventful 18th, / put OF
sclean shirt and my Sunday clothes
and started for Lawrence, to see if ]
could get exempted.
Lawrence, as ell know, is situated on
the Merrimack River. and its principal
productions are mud, dust, and factory
girls. The city proper, at least that
part that saw, consisted Of long,
narrow entry. up one fight Of stains,
adorned overhead with fresconing Of
gas meters, and csrpeted with worn
ont tobacco guilds, and furnished with
one chair, two settees and as many
huge, square packing cases, marked
Q 20. M. D." Scattered around this
palatial entrance hall we're some forty
or fifty conscripts. looking very much
as if they expected to be exempted BY
reason Of old age, before the young
man with the ferocious moustsche
should notify them of their turn. Most
of them, however, were doomed to dis
appointment, for while they counted
the hours Of delay, door would sud-
denly open. and the tall young man
would single out man and march him
through the open doorway, TO be seen
no more.
By and by-that is, after several
hours wsiting-my turn came.
John SMITH shouted the door
keeper.
That's me- says 1, and with cheer
from the crowd, l entered a large square
room where two persons sat writing at
a table, and a third. evidently the sur
geon, was examining man in the last
stages Of nudity.
One OF the writers at the table, a
young man with blue eyes and curly
hair, nodded TO me, and dipping his
pen in the ink, commenced
John Smith, what's your name?
John Smith, saysI.
Where were you born?'
'Podunk, Maine
'What did your grandmother die Of?
'Darned if know says l.
Call it bapnetap,' says he; "and
your grandfather, too?'
i don't care what you call it, says
1. for l was little riIed by his nom
sensical question.
Did you ever haYe boils?' says he.
Not boil.'
'Or fts7'
Mary it,
'Or delirium tremens?
No, sir-ee!'
'Or ricketsf
I'll cricket you.' says I; thought he
meant something else.
Did you ever have the measles"
says he.
Here took Of my coat.
Or the itch?'
Yes, sir, says 1-'thst ere fist (and
Isboved very large brown one within
three inches of his nose, has been itch.
ing for the last ten minutes to knock
your pesky head off. you little, mean,
low-lived, contemplate whelP you
my dear sr,' said the miid-spoken
gentlemanly surgeon. laying his hand
on my arm; calm yourself, l pray
Don't let your angry passions rise. but
take of your clothes so l can see ~hat
you are made Of
So suppressed my anger, and with :
drawing to a corner, hung my clothes
on the floor and presented myself for
examination, clad only with the cover
ing nature had given me, except about
square inch Of corn pleater on my
right shin, where l had fallen over a
chair. the night before, feeling for
match.
Young man. said the surgeon. look
ing me straight in the eye, you have
got the myopia.'
Yes. SIR said I, 'and good one,
zoo, Biniger, with drop Of Slough
ton, makes an excellent eye opener, Of
a morning
And there seems TO be an amsurotic
tendency of the right eye, accompanied
with opthalmia.'
Shawl says I.
'And that white spot in the left eye,
betokens a cataract
Il guess you mean in the ear says
1, cause went in swimming this morn
ing, and got an alfred big bubble in
nv left ear;' and here / jumped up and
down two or three times on my foot,
but to no purpose. As soon as l stop
ned be mounted chair and commenced
feeling the top of my head:
Was your family ever troubled with
epilepsyf said be.
Only the two boys said !. 'snd
when they catch them. my wife always
goes at them with fine tooth comb.
the first thing
Jumping off the chair be hit me {
lick in the ribs that nearly knocked ms
over. and before had time to remoDs'
-trate. his arms were round my necl
and his head pressed against my bosom
the same way that Sophia Ann does
when she wants me to buy her SONS
new bonnets aud things. m
u Just what thought said he, sTu
ber6uIosis and Hemoptysis, combine!
With defect in the scapular membran
u .-s.D