, 1863-12-14

o'ciocS, 10 confer in regard 10 holding public
meetings.
mr.. Gunnybags Comes to Grief.
M1nTLE MAs's1oN,)
1000 MICHIGAN AVENUE,
...... DEC. II, 1868.
Editors Chicago Tribune:
We arc SUB nu51o Iwrite to you with heavy
heart and In tho language Of the great Mcrrick: II
walk through The valIey OF the Shadow Of Death
with my life in my hand." We passing through
the waters Of atniction, and as mono Of Us know
how to swim, 1t may be simply matter Of time
when tho customary resolutions, to be published
in the city papers, shalt be passed, and the under
taker shall undertake to take our measures. The
family desire, Messrs. Editors, that you see we
arc deccntly buried and That breach Of etiquette
mars the occasion, and that our names are spelled
rightly in the papers. As for myself I'M not
proud, but as legacy to my poBterity (he only
oae shall probably Ieaye) I submit tho following
epitaph:
Here lie the remains OF
SOLOMON dUENIRAGs.
Born Jan. !, 1873: Died
Etat: d.
Hc dealt IL honesty and mo1assca, audncyef took
government contract Stranger, go and do like
Mrs. Gunnybags has heard that epltaphs are COM
mon In country churchyazds md does not desire
one.
Before leave this vale OF tears, desire that the
public shall be f1ly informed Of the cause of de-
parturc, and prefer to do It myself than to have
The newspapers chronicle 1t under a startling dis.
play of heads, involving everything from ordinary
scandal to first c1nes MURDER to be followed By q
column dlled nth the lively and rose colorcd I'm
asinfngs Of the young men whom you call report
ers. Several Of them have been here already peek
Ing Into the windows, looking down tho chimney,
striving to bsibe our coachmau with Invitations to
imbihe and trying to get their heads through the
key holes. One Of them conttiyed to secure an
ntrsnce By coming to the house Is the collector Of
pew rents from our church but his bill was so
enormously large, and his stock Of piety so enor-
moualy email. tMra. g. said he didn't actually know
hassock from hymn book that he was summas
ily ordered out Of the house. He has been sitting
on our back stoop ever since. he would prore in
valuable as waiter at the fremont, or in any busi-
ucss capacity where heavy standing around Is
requisite. This communication will aervc tho
double pnrpoto Of relieving myaell and my back
stoop. T..
Arabella has e1oped!
E1oped without our consentIt
E'oped with pork packers manl!l
Or, rs John Joseph says, with the ham fat
mauliil
Yesterday morning We were gathered ut the
breakfast table. Arnbe11a did not make her appear-
ancc. HRS. G. Was worried and went up to Ara
bella'e roorn ard the ne1t we heard was the sound
ofsomething falling upon the floor like large bss
fnll Of old clothes. KNEW 1t was Mrs because she
is always careful how she falls. Upon going to the
roem, what scene Was therei
MrH4 GunnybAgB extended upon the door with
Arabe'la's vinalgrettc glued to her nose: the bed
nndtstnrbed. bureau drawers open and va1nables
gone; an open window, from which depended q
Buggestiye rope, made Of cast OH linen, Upon Ara.
bella's pillow was note addressed to me. After
recovering Mira. g., NC descended 10 the breakfast
1com In = soz1owtus single aie, John Joseph in IN
ugly, pensiEe mood. A1aminta languishlng like
rose rudely plucked from the parent stock and Mira
g. In halfeonscious state, muttering: ''what will
they sayt''
The letter read as follows:
. II O'CLOCK F.A.,l
DEC. 10TH.
When yon receive this, your Arabe3la wil DO
@nhy t4ty IN es t a"aE fom {Gu sofowfa at parting
snd royal henri aid have found t6e 1stter casea
10 the rough shen OF Thomas Dolan. Do not d.
found coated With fonsh Exterior and TIC sweat
milk Of the cocoa mt Ia concealcd within the hard
ainty esrk: l keen back nothing: Thomas has
day Thomss may wear . red ahirt and haye lis
picture u The n3saz,nes., Lose can overlook
slaughter house. with heavenly hsio Thpnpnscys Thppsy
lores me detotcdly and dotcs upon me With III
Wiz e.hna n tp aat loye is returned
and nothing 6ut death csn nsrt ,1s Hsnesso.sL5'
our fortunes are united and tho proud Arsbelia b.
naeter Sn., y . oss nana. efatS ne owly pork
know whit fender hceTt hcst. benast s1ia s 5Gn oat
bosom, you rould forgre iii and take us to 1onr
he2Ete.
,no Ike onts,,etced ar,aa ,,1 60 oo"n re ropo
Of my Apollo and g,vo nv iorenettc 10 1ramantn
s}, 70 n9t seek to follow u.s. Tor Thomas eaJs: "We
for ia1e is eut,tcr 4h,n ~ ai eauno1 esefake r.
broWn-cyed mate. And now. taraweT. IL. nv ~
Your adecttonate DauehteY,
Pa rh,,,- aor,..,.,ea AnAnEll4 ~ Ell. 4uNH{EAds:
dntifni onr 'e'4A'e' VI souS aoscat ou1 slau
7. s. No. Two souls with but single thought,
i"o aeas1s snat beat as one.
:. -Ih5 -lo,o'o. h'ea.5 ' n.ute' Hn11eSeu afamin-
hs, ~ NC. nano companion OF pigs and
nosn. We are o'sf4acea. Low can ever meet
Iesn. esus aatn' nuss lose aa the hops
'"s "inter, anu the poor girl, bathed IN tears,
vent up 10 nef chamber IN water spout-
ats. y. oofe tne thock with considerable equa-
namify' anu tho coffee she commenced to pour
was warmed os Inc maternal tears Which fell into
lne cups. 10 NOT weep Mfs. g." said 7: "com-
eoso se.4ssA' LITE " looked up with dignity
AA4 Sa'a ---....-
~ "! sou na'e never Known what It Is to
oeai eano ano lose nef. You cannot, no. you
eAnao' ssef Do motnef and appreciate the loss Of
nei nts' oot". lou Sno~ not what 1t Is to meet
MR. 14a aao &c asked: HOW Is the pork pack
OF 10 nave Mrs. crssus turn up her nose at
you ana say: 1here goes Mrs. Gunnybass; hor
daushter ran away With hog killer"
John Joseph wns In furious roge and stormea
about the breakfast room like nladman. mn
setzy to be obliged to chronicle, In spite OF bis
early teachings, TINT he sworc, or at least used ex
pletlyes not usually to be found in the Gentle
mans Manual, which exp1ctiycs I omit as unit
for publication. ~ that ham tat man," said
he, with his spare ribs, sausages and tender
lo1ns."
Hrs. g. mildly reproyed J. ].
"The subject mcrits the expressive nnonoav,,.-
bic, and thcre's enc less Of them in nv rnonth !"
said he. MARY ham fat man. fresh frorn =
esessy, bloody packing bouse, Df.rr,ca tbo ~,
" and mar1y icri What will mr. fa11o..s s.s.
fancy see Fftzfood1e eom,n1. m n ~ ,-,; a..
Ing: sWcu, Jack. nv boy. thev aay ron,ga ~.
brother who does somethinp IN The a1ora1,te1+,e
line. Hv the ,ro, what :. +bo ,,-,.a - ~. Z.
n,oe<, 1te1l von + 10 jrts,f-;rs. .r,., ~. y,
nrocevs,on * ~ n,.e..as.11e -. "-a ~ 4unefa'
fs,s".a =. .-sh4na,- e'1gAAo.9 o4'snt' ta's per
. y. -aao . uaeu sne got an 'ldea
ADo'. ue@'o lug VI oatsei OF mess porkf I tell
sSu, ~ lougn on .eaoW. wlsn had him here