The mountain Democrat., 1863-05-23
" SquizZiIls."

The following decidedly rich" sermon
Is from the pen Of "S1uizzins." II is
burlesque on the style of the Rev. Zeke.
Pugh, one Of that class of preachers who
think the only way to bring sinners to
repentance is by frightening them out Of
their wits, and not by gently persuading
them to a contemplation of the beauties
Of religion. After giving n description of
the Rev. Zeke., he proceeds to introduce
the sermon thus:
A man is known by bis works, and
cannot give you more forciblc idea ofou
parson than by quoting a portion Of his
"Sabbar day Sermon" which has been
variously pronounced by those of his flock
who heard it, to be "a swingcr," ga smo-
ker," "a bowel-stavcr," "a rcg'lar rip
singin' hifalutin bangor" took down
what | send you in short hand, so you can
trust to its correctness:
Brothers and Sisters My text o-day
will pc found in the Gospel, according to
Gunter, vi. chapter, 49th verse" Hell's
yawning, sinners; stand by to dodge!"
Sich, my hearers, was the awful warning
old Ebenczcr brlchcd out when he stood
on the trememus margnt of the sulphu.
rious pit, up to where his legs jined in
muck and mirey clay, with clouds of
smoke above, and blood around, and
groans and sighs, shricks, screams and
flames Hopping, and fire sizzlin, and
turpentine Smelin', and what saved him
from Gavin in? Was it grace of justif-
cation, or election, or constipation, or any
thing of that kind? Nary time! Twas
faith-he had faith-and-wfiat! lie
lodged! He lodged, and was saved
saved from the pcStifcrous nfatuation of
the burnin fiery lurriscs, and he now sits
on the warm side Of the celestial chimney
corner, smokin the pipe of contentmcnt,
with nothin to du but to drink sky blue
smashes and hug gals with pink wings.
Meow that's what ycow all ort to do
dodge temptation if yeow want to be sa-
we'd. Ell temptation crosses yewer path,
go around it, jump over it, crawl under it,
if yer can, but if yer can't do nary one OF
these, remember that " IIelrs yawnin',"
and "stand by 20 dodge"
EFF Filestien meet yew in the street
and calls ye onrighteous names, and re-
viles ye, and blasphemes We, and calls ye
9 id scallywag, yeou'll be in sore temp.
tati0n TO cave in bis laundering gourd,
and gin him leetle touch O. Belcher Kay
but don't dew it-resist temptation,
and ef he SHES his fist at ye-dOdse -
dodge and yeou1l be saved.
Satan's cunnin'-cunnin' as q kioty
In hen roost, and he'll kiver temptation
with merlasses SOS ter ketch yeow sinnin'
'fies, and ef yeow onst light on it, yeow
are stuck fastner ice can friz. Old Bel
zebub amt no muggins and he's up to all
sorts Of lodges to swindle ye. He don't
carry pennerial and catnip and skimit
weed in his pocket SOS to drown the
stink O. brimstun for nothin'-oh, no -
80 you must look out sharp or he'll suck
ye in. Look out sharp, stand by to
dodge. And, dearly beloved sisters and
brothers, ef it should happen, and it amt
impossible, that even 6odgin' won't do,
you must cut and run for it, antin's arter
ye, and it's Titus and popcorn who'll
win, and arter all ef yew find he's gainin'
on ye, and there don't seem to be any
hope, there's alters way to escape
there's alters hope for the perseverin'.-
Ef he onSt gets paw on ye, ye're a gone
tad-pole, and the only way to come the
guygugleS over him is to be prepared
aforehand, and soap yer coat-tail!
"Let US sing-the 167 salm, commen-
Gin at the paws
"Inever nussed dear gazelle'."