The dollar weekly bulletin. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1862-1864, 1863-11-26
A MORMON SERMON.

Delivered in Cincinnati, by tall, raw
boned Saint, with Mormon proclivities and
face resembling boiled tripe, who was
there on his way Salt Lakeward, and had
assembled a small but admiring audience.
Very greasy, plant aud persuasive, spite of
his leanness, is s.a l-.-a -,'..@.r @
THE KEERFUL SHEPHERD
"Brothern and Sistern-pertickler the
sistern-l want to say few words to you
about Mormonism-not for my own sake,
but for yourp; for men Is skeerce and soons-
en- is plenty. Mormonism is built on that
high old principle which sez that it amt
good for a man to be alone-and mighty
light worse for a woman. Therefore, if a
man feels good with little company, a
good deal of it ought to make him feel an
awful sight better. st -- is.
The first principle of Mormonism is, that
woman air good thing, and the second
principle is that you can't have too much
of good thing, Woman is tenderer tn an
man, and is necessary to smooth down the
roughness of his character-and as m an has
good many rough pints in his natur, he
oughpn TO give ono woman too much to do
but set each one to work smoothin some
partickler pint. Don't think I'm over anx
ious for you to jine us, for [ amt. I'm not
speaker for my good. but for your'n; but
n1en' is skeerce and 10eemen IS plenty. l said
woman was tenderer than men, but you
needn't feel stuck up about it, for so she
ought to be; she was made to purpose, but
how was she made SO? Why she was cre-
ated out of the side bone of man, and the
side bone of man is like the side-bone of
a turkey-the tenderest part of him.
Therefore, as woman has three side. bones
and a man only one, of course she is three
times as tender as man is, and is in duty
bound to repay that tenderness of which
she robbed him. And how did she rob
him Of his side bone? Why, exactly as she
robs his pockets -a-days of his loose
change-she took advantage of him when
he was asleep. But as woman is more ten
derer than man, so is m an more forgivener
than woman; therefore l won't say anything
more about the side-bone or the small
change, but invite you all to join my train,
for I'm big shepherd out our way and fare
sumptiously every day on purple aud fine
linen. When first landed on the shores
OF the Great Salt Lake, l wasn't rich in
weemen. / had but one poor old zoe; but
men is skeerce and aoODaen is plenty, and, like
keerful shepherd, l began to increase my
flock. Weemen heerd of US and our lovin
ways, and they kept pourin in. They
come from the North, and they come from
they come from the West, they come from
Europe, they come from Ashley, and few
'em come from A!rikey; and from bein the
miserable owner of one old zoe, 1 became
they joyful sheperd of mighty flock, with
a right smart sprinklin of lambs, friskier
and fatter than anybody else's, and I've
still got room for a few more. As I said be-
fore, Pm not talkin pertickler for my 5ene-
fit, but for ycurn-for mea is skeerce and
,0ecnsen is plenty. Still I'd leetle rather
you'd go with them than not, pertickler
you fat one with the caliker sun bonnet.
Don't hesitate, but take the chance while
you can get it, and I'll make you the "bell
yce" of the flock Ill lead you through
green pastures and the high grass-show
you where you may caper in the Sunshine,
and lay down in pie asant places; and, as
you are in pretty good condition a!rea dy, in
the course of time you shall be the fattest
of the flock. Jine in-iine in; jine my
trani jine it now-for men is skeerce and
,Oeeneen is plenty. The appeal was irresisti-
BILE. At the last account, "the fat woman
with the calker sun bonnet-had ed in,'
and two others were on the fence, with a
decided leaning toward the "Keerful Shep-
erd"