The Portland daily press., 1863-05-29
MISCELLANY.
A Chapter of Conundrums.

What five names in the Bible represent
child going to get a whipping? Adam, Seth,
Eve, Cain, Abel.
What is the difference between a church
organist and the influenza? One stops the
nose, and the other knows the stops.
Why is flirting wife like wheel? Because
she goes round with the .tetloes as well as
with the hub.
What is the difference between your great
coat and a baby? One you wear and the other
you was.
What was Eve made for? 1t has been gen.
orally thought that she was made for Adam,
but they say now that she was made for Adams
Express Company.
Why are all men soldiers by nature? Be-
cause they are all Sons of mas tMars.)
Why is a drunkard hestating to sign the
pledge, like a sceptical Hindoo? Because he
is in doubt whether TO give up the worship of
Jug-or-not
Never take a nap in the railroad carria ge
Cause why? the train always runs over
sleepers.
When is a woman like dome? When she
is trctted.
What is the difference between the instru-
ment that plays the bass and man who sings
it badly? One is base-viol and the other is a
vile bass.
When is a clock guilty of msdemeanour?
When it strikes one.
When is window like star? When its
skylight.
Why is wheat like the Camelia Japonica?
Both are priced because OF their flower (flour).
What proves good soldiers to be very care
less? They are in a mess every day.
Where are balls and routs supplied gratis {?
On the field of battle.
OF what profession is an Armstrong gun /?
A breeches-maker
What writer would have been the best an
ger? The judicious Hooker.
Why should man named Ben marry girl
called Annie? Because he would be Benefit
ted and she Annie-mated.
What is the difference between the Prince of
Wales, man with bald head, an orphan,
and gorilla? The Prince of Wales is an heir
apparent, a man with a bald head has no hair
apparent, an orphan has ne'er q parent, and
gorilla is an airy parent.
What flower most resembles bulls mouth?
A cowsp.
When did Sir Isaac Newton cut up shines
When he divided the rays of light.
How many foreigners does it take to cor
rupt ones manners? 1t takes forty Poles to
make one Rood.
How long did Moses lie in the bulrushes?
He lay his full length.
What animal is there in the clouds Rain,
dear.
Why cannot the Emperor Napoleon insure
his life? Because nobody can make out his
policy.
Wherein lies the difference between stock
broker and a brokers' stock? One is agent
for property, and the other proper tie for
gent.
Why does sculptor die horrid death?
He makes faces and busts.
Why is a wash-woman a great fool? Be-
cause she sets out the tubs TO catch soft wa
ter, when it is raining hard.
Il n.
able present IRON a quarrelsome neigh Dor?
Because nobody could doubt its being a piece
offering.
When is bread alive? When there is lit
tie Indian in il.
Why is Doctor like cobbler? He prac-
tees the healing lheelng) art.
Why is sanguinary epistle like a Surgeon?
1t is letter of blood.
Where was Adam going when he was In
his thirty-ninth year? Into his fortieth.
If Mr.. Rowland Hill were to give each of
his children Lalfa sovereign, why would he be
like the rising sun? Because he tips the lit
tie Hills with gold.
Why are railways like laundresses? Be
cause they have ironed all America and have
occasionally done little manging.
Which is the most difficult train to catch?
the 1850, because IL is ten to one if you catch
it.
Why is dog biting off his own tail like
good manager? Because he makes both ends
meet.
What periodical expresses what the welded
state ought to be? The Art lheart) Union.
Way are under graduates like geese? Be-
cause they live upon the commons, they are
crammed, they are plucked, aud, when pluck
ed, are regularly sold.
What quadrupeds are admitted to balls,
operas, and dinner parties? White kids.
Which monarch had the most reason to
complain of his laundress? John, when he
lost his baggage in the wash.
What regiment was Adam in? The Bluffs
What is worse than raining eats and dogs?
Haling omnibuses.
Why is a temperance man sure no. to sink?
Because he keeps his nose above water.
II pig wishes to build himself habita-
ton how would he set about il? He would tie
aknot in his tail, and call it pigs tie
Why is a lovely young lady like a hinge?
Because she is something to adore.