Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1863-11-12
Josh Billings in the Editors Chair.
HIS ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.


Fred-You amt obliged to ask gals moth
er if you ma go home with her from partee;
get the gals endorsement and go in ; it is
proper enough to ask her to take yure arm
but yu haint got no rite to put yure arm
around her waste, unless yu meet Bear on
the rode, and then yu are bound to take yure
arm away jest as soon as the Bear gifts safely
by.
Whip-GOu are rite mules live to a long
age I've known them myself to live one hun
dred yeer and not half tri. You are also
rite about their being sure -foOted; I've known
them to kick a boy twice in a second, ten
feet oph.
Gertrude-Yure inquiry stumps me. The
more | think on it, the more | can't tell. AS
near az | can rekolek now | think | don't
kno. Much mite be ced both ways, and
neether wa be rite. Upon the whole, rath-
er think wud, or wuldent, jist as thought
best or otherwise.
Plutark-Yu're mistaken; the Shakers don't
marry. If young Shakers fall in luy tina are
sot to wedding onions, and it kures them
forthwithly. | kant tell WI now how much it
dus kost to jine the Shakers, but believe the
expenze used to be, including having yure
hair cut and farming how to danse, about sos.
Sportsman-Yure inquiry is not egzactly
in mi line, but haste to repl, as folers, to
wit: The rite length to cut oph "a dogs tail
has never yet been fully dis kovcred, but is
undoubtedly somewhere bak of his ears, pro-
vided you get the dogs consent. n. b. 1t
amt absolutely necessary the dogs consent
should be in writcing.
Kate think Lord Byron was the author
of the lines you speak ov; twas either him
or twas Capt. Kidd, one or tother. Biron
was drettul timber at riteing potr, so waz
Kidd, and Biron was the lmberest.
lie WRITES A STORY.
l du consider muskeeters
The most pesky of all Gods creeturs.
| hav finally ketchcd it. | hav bin like Il
lam, led suddenly to the slauter, and had mi
blood sucked out ov me, as tho it was only
sweet slider, and belonged tn somebody else
am a man ov peas, but low and behold
there amt piece in me but what is bit, and
puckercd, and tore.
| retired Hast night to rest at the usual
tune. On the left side ov me, and about
feet adjacent was the side of the hous, on
the south side of me, and about 2 feet ada
cent la mi wife. | dropt tn sleep as a snow
fake duz on the buzZum Oy a silvery lake.
Il hay faint idce that this last sentence, for
luvliness, can't be beet handy l dreamed
good sized hot dream.
1t felt like the breath of a Kanada Thissell,
Around mi he'd triing tn whssell.
Suddenly awoke.
The room wuz full ov yells and screams re-
sponsiv. | dashed wildly across the room.
lit lite. / harked one of my moste reliable
hanks. Anvil wuz still-still az a crows nest
in the dead oy winter | gazed a gaze, as
tho waz triing tn TIRED the rong end ov a
kambrik neadeL Ava in the distance, soil
tara, alone, clos up tn the ceiling, chawing his
kud, sot little grey cuss. dipped koarse
towel into basin ov water and rung it out
| krept up under the little grey cuss-i TUX
aim, and fired,
And hit the spot
Where the little grey cusslsot.
Anvil wuz still agin. | onlighted the kan
dle-and sought mi couch.
l slept agin, onla as the vartuous sleep /!
Soonly, alas too soonly 4
K0FkLUDED IN OUR MEN.