The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1863-08-06

| President of a Western bank rushes up to
friend, Charley, can't you give me change
for dollar? | see the bank superintendent il
in town, and want some specie to make {
show"
| Do you think a rough hand, rudely swept
over the strings of the human heart, will be
| likely to bring much music out of it ? 1t will
bear no such performances.
Grandmother used to say to Grandfather
''lt is no use quarreling, my dear, when you
know we must make it up again.
Character is like money; when you have a
great deal you may risk some; for, if you lose
| it, folks will still believe you have plenty tc
spare. -
young lady being asked by female &C
quaintance whether she had any original pc
etry in her album, replied-'sNo, but some Of
my friends have favored me with original
spelling"
A fellow out West gets off the following
definition of ''widow''-"One who knows
what's what, and is DESTROYS of further intor-
nation on the Same subject"
Kisses between women are like two hand
some unmatched gloves-chauning things
with their proper mates, but good for nothing
in that way.
Can | show you anything more to-day,
sir? asked the civil gentleman behind the
counter. Eyes, Sir" was the reply; twill you
be good enough to show me the silk umbrel-
la left here three weeks ago"
An Irish orator, in a recent speech made
the following capital parody on certain we'll
known lines by his countryman Tom Moore
| he fool that IS gulled never harbors doubt
But ms trul1 is guled to the close
AS bull if you ouce set ring through his snout,
kver after is led by the nose
A Danish writer speaks of hut so misera-
bic that it didn't know which way to fall and
so kept standing. This is like the man who
had such complication Of diseases that he
did not know what to die of, so he lived on.
Learning, it is said, may be an instrument
of fraud so may bread if discharged from the
mouth Of a cannon, be an instrument of death.
Each may be equally effective for evil.
Better have no tongue than one you can't
govern. So of family. @
Let those who wish to see bright stars in
the darkest night look at the American flag.
Eg~ Contrasts in New Bedford sleigh
with jingling bells, and at the same time a
lady passing along with sunshade over her
head. Also, a lady riding in sleigh, with a
mutt i'll one hand and a sunshade in the 9th
er.
E83"John Morgan during his raid, at one
time threatened to cross the Ohio at Wheel
ing Both Houses of the Legislature of West
Virginia adjourned, organized the members
into companies, elected officers. shouldered
fE1ir "a, IL Al
They would have passed special act for
John Morgans discharge from further
earthly liabilaties, had hegone that way.
Mr. Edward Everett, in the last number of
the New York Ledger affirms that ''the
South really seeded because her ambitious
men saw that they must surrender the mo-
nopoly of the Government.
This is a perfectly fair statement of the
fact.
Morgan during his raid, successfully cross
ed many fOrds, but at last was successfully
crossed by Shackelford.
MosT TOO SUDDEN.-The following good
story would seem to contradict the popular be-
lief that accidents never happen when you
are looking for them -
An old lady. resident of Providence, who
had never ridden in the cars, was persuaded,
by the combined efforts of the children, James
and Mary, to accompany them on an excur-
sion, she all the time saying that she knew
something would happen. She took her seat
with fear and trembling, taking hold of the
arm OF her seat next the passage way. The
tram was late,a as excursion trains are usually,
and IN coming round curve the Boston ex-
press train was on the same track. both near
ing each other faster than was pleasant. The
momentum OF each train was nearly lost, and
they came together with chuck, which pitch
ed the lady on her face in the passage-way,
between the seats. She rose to her hands and
looking back, asked, 'iJeemes, do they allus
stop like that ?'