, 1863-06-20
Dangerous advice bv a CIero.vma

And such q spirit for me.
-.
Dangerous advice by Clergyman.
Mr.. Snibs's son was engaged in breaking
up piece of new land with team of un-
ruly oxen. Junior Snibs becoming vexed
at the ill-usage he was receiving at the
plow handle, set up such a vociferation of
protracted oaths as to astonish the Rev,
who expected to see a bolt launch poor
Snibs into eternity. Feeling it his duty
to chastise uncalled-for wickedness, he
stopped and lectured the infuriated youth
for some time, warning him of the punish
ment that awaited such blasphemy
"Why, sir, I'll bet my head that such
cattle, and such plowing, would make
minister swear"
81 think not, my young FRIEND" said
he; 81 am a minister, and it would not
make me swear"
''I'll bet my dinner on it, was the san
guine urchin's reply; ''and take the bet if
you dare, SIR"
''To make bet would be equally wrong,
but I'll go one bout and prove to you that
your swearing is useless
The boy assented, at the same time ap-
plying his whip heartily upon the oxen
while turning them into the furrow. The
parson took firm hold of the handle and
started the team. Rip-tear-slap-jer
went the plow, giving him an occasional
rap in the side or on the shins The OK
en-, feeling the smart of the castigation,
were all but amiable.
"Wo-back-gee-haw-go along Buck
D. IA A.
coming excited. "The like of this l new
er did see Gee, Buck Haw, Bright
Glang!'
Slap came the pillow tail against his side,
knocking him some ten feet The boy
stopped the team. The moralist was on
hand, saying:
81 never saw the like; no man ever did
1t beats all, etc.
Thus he continued until his bout was
accomplished, when he triumphantly said
to the lad:
''There, I've gone a bout without swear
ing
Yes" replied the boy; "but you have
told a great many stories"
"What, do you mean to say have lied?"
Eyes, sir; because a great many have
seen this same land, and some worse"
"But you must never tell any one they
tell lies. You should whistle-remembe
that"
After admonishing The youth soundly on
swearing, he made him promise to be at
church the next Sabbath, where he was to
preach.
When Sabbath came, the boy, agreeable
to promise, went, and took front seat in
the gallery. During the sermon, the di-
vine observed that ''of all the bird creation
the lite of the goose was the most severe"
A shrill whistle was given by the boy
The divine's attention was drawn to the
gallery, where he saw his hopeful youth
Again be repeated the same sentence, and
again the boy gave a shrill whistle, which
echoed throughout the church.
As soon as the service was ended the
minister attacked him for improper con-
duct in church.
Didn't you tell me to whistle whenev-
er heard any one tell :" replied the
boy
"Did tell any lie to-day?"
eyes, sir-you said a goose bite was
most severe of any of the feathered tribe.
"Well, did lie, then ;"
"Yes, sir"
"How :"
because, sir, the gander can bite just
as severe as the goose
The parson left for dinner.
EFFICIENCY OF THE BLocKADE.-
While the sympathizers in the North and
in Europe scoff at the blockade, the Angus
ia (Ga.) ConStitutionaIist declares that the
blockade running of which some Southern
journals boast so loudly, is all sham; that
no ships get through the blockading fleet
save those laden with such things silks,
broadcloths, adamanCine candles, Windsor
soap, sherry, champagne, Sprague prints
and Ohio cheese, as the Confedracy does
not really need and could do very well with
out; that all such as have on board 'medi-
cine, guns, powder and munitions of war
invaribly get caught; that outgoing vessels
filled with cotton, tobacco, etc." are never
molested; and that the whole thing is a
humbug upon the Confederate authorities,
is in reality managed by the Yankees, and
is intended solely for their benefit This
is perhaps the most remarkable view Of the
blockade yet taken, and is a singularly
frank acknowledgment of the entire and
utter efficiency Of the blockade in keeping
out of the dominions of Jeff Davis every
thing which could be of benefit to his maj
esty's Government"
RULES OF SELF-GovERNMENT.-
sit next to the carver, if you can at dinner
Ask no woman her age.
Be civil to all rich uncles and aunts.
Take no notes of gold with you to a
fancy bazaar-nothing but silver
Your oldest hat of course, for an eve
ming party.
Don't play chess with an old widow.
Never contradict a man who shutters.
Put down the blind before you put on
your wig.
THE experience of many life " What
fool I've been p The experience of many
a wife What fool I've got !"
A contraband" servant in Cincinnati
was sent to the market for a porter house
steak, which proved to be very tough. The
gentleman asked him what kind of a steak
he ordered. ga Boarding house steak,
sab, he replied
The shortness of life is often owing to
the Irregularities of the liver