Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1863-02-20
Written for the Gazette.
ABACuELOR,S REFLECTIONS,
BIT EMMA NAY.

| l was lOrty more tnan month ago, and
it is time for me to think of exchanging this
life Of single blessedness 70: the married
state. This " singleness" with all its free
dom, charms and enjoyments is a good theme
to talk about /; but let one bring the subject
right home to himself, f,-why-ittakes a first
class artist to sketch an ideal picture, and
the joys Of an old bachelor. be assured, are
all imaginary joys.
have arrived at that age when can af.
ford to be honest, and wiN say that aside
from tie perplexities which forever haunt a
single man, in the shape of buttonless shirts,
heelless and tocless stockings, elbowless coats,
kneeless unmentionables and unhemmed
handkercbicfs, there arise before me other
wants, beside which these lesser evils sink
into insignificancc. Ny room with its un-
swept carpet, undusted furniture and books,
unpublished stove and curtainless windows,
speaks plainly to my hitherto dim under
standing that woman's handiwork is not man
ifest here.
AS take survey this evening, there are,
peering through the windows, right into my
domicil, some half dozen urchins, who,
when they catch my eye will set up an up
roaiious shout, and turn away whstling A
married life is the life for me-"
Order cannot secure foothold in my room.
The stove is placed in scalenous triangular
position, the dressing table stands kitter
ing y near the wall, and the book lease has
evidently started upon long and tedious
journey. 1t is groaning under the weight Of
" dickies " OF every conceivable la mode,
patterns, washed and unwashcd socks, shaw
ing apparatus and other ct ceteras, tumbed
promscuously in with the world renowned
Shakespeare, Byron, Scott, Dickens, Thacke-
ray and D;nah Maria Muloch Thank Hcav-
en-, there is woman aboard albeit, she de-
votes her leisure to more literary pursuits
than sweeping the cobwebs from my ceiling
or out of my brain. They are there, depend
upon it, Or | should not have allowed so
many golden opportunities to pass without
launching my bark into the domestic sea-
Ny unmade bed stares hideously at me, and
each particular straw and feather rises goblin.
like before me, and seem to cast rcproaches
upon my misspent life, and their own hard
lot. Every day for year / have said, "To-
morrow shall not be as this day." but each
to morroy has passed with, in the morning
"patting down Of the feathers--a draw
ing up of the bedclothcs, and at night an
other drawing down Of the quilts and sec
ond "pattng up" which renders the last
state of that bed worse than the first.
No tidy, careful wife picks up after me, or
sets things to rights. Tonight not less than
three pairs of pants have taken lowly posi-
ton on the floor just as at three different
times have gracefully stepped from their
incasing. In opposite corners lie hcteroge
neous collections of boots, shoes and slippers,
looking for all the world as IT. woman's
hand was needed to restore order where old
chaos rcigns supreme.
As to the matter of my getting wife, at
my time of life, it will not answer for me to
be over particular; but she must come of a
good stock, be pretty good looking, young,
have fortune in her own right-an amiable
and must be wiling without
whinpering to darn my stockings, sew but
tons on my shirts, patch my trowsers and
do it without the use Of loving adjectiyes on
my part to coax her to do plainly defined
wifely duties. do not want wife who will
expect to be carried in my arms, or who will
think me cruel il / fail to kiss her every time
I cross and re-cYoss the room. l have seen
enough of such nonsense, and shall inaug-
urate new state of things when take pas
sage in the ship Of Matrimony. Love is a
useless commodity. and will be banished from
my dwelling before Il obtains strong hold.
l want a wife for the convenience Of the ar |
ticle, and because believe one Of the right
stamp can be made useful appendage in my
disorderly home. want wife to color my
hair and whiskers, so that my hands, fresh
from turning over the leaves Of " Coke, =
need not be obliged to make daily acquains.