Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1863-08-27
All Sorts of Items.

| Not amiss-a rich and lovely widow.
"A well read soldier-Prvate information.
-Sleight of Misunderstanding an offer of
marriage.
The thoughts CT certain women are al
ways fixed on the opposite sex. Even when
they laugh they say "Te-he" ....
| : Wedding a garden is a safer business
than unweedng a widow, but not half so
| pleasant. ..-
= Miss Jen1ima Wilhelmina, when her pa
rents refuse to allow her to 90 to a ball, sets
to and has baml at home
- In returning thanks, in an after-dinner
| speech, Brown declared that he was too
full for utterance."
- The man that is not afraid of thunder
talks OF going to the seaside next week with
out asking his wife. 80. ~
The young lady who eloped some time
since with gallant major" has returned
with minor" in her arms
"A braying donkey, however stupid he
may look, is unquestionably an ass foot ami
NAL.
- White hair is its chalk with which time
keeps It's score-two, three, fourscore, as
the case may be-on mans head
People sometimes speak of a baby as if
it were kind Of medal bestowed by fate
upon man for early hours and good conduct.
1t is little troubles that wear the heart
out. 1t Is easier to throw bombshell mile
than teather-even with artillery
There is a sort of comfort in the way
wardness Of discomfort, a soothing music to
the restlGssnGss Of the soul in the deep bass
Of hearty grumbling.
- Man creeps into childhood bounds into
youth, sobers into manhood, softens into age,
totters into second childhood, and stumbIes
into the cradle prepared for US all
- If pair of stockings are hose, is a sim
gle stocking hoe? If a pair of glasses are
spectacles, is one a spectacle =? And if so, is
it not a bad show for sight
- Health comes of itself; but we are at
great pains to get our diseases Health
comes from simple life of nature diseases
from the artificial life ofnature.
- That cat has got cold" said a friend
to Jones, pointing to a domestic favorite.-
Yes" Jones replied, g the poor thing is sub
ject to cat-arrh"
We are acquainted with monster in
human form who says that the only time
woman does not exaggerate is when she is
talking of her own age.
"A man came into printing Office to beg
paper "Bccause," he said, eve like to
read newspapers very much, but our neigh
bors are all too stiregy to take one"
-Curran was once asked by one of his
brother judges ''Do you see ANYTHING ridden
lous in this wig ?" ''Nothing but the head
was the reply. .
"A paragraph has been going the rounds
of an old lady who. has a moustache on her
lip. 1t is not uncommon for yomao ladies in
this vicinity to have moustaches on their Inns
"A man may be ever so poor, he NAV no
ever so unfortunate, but he never need no
hard up for candles as long as he makes light
of his sufferings. ..---.-
-" hope TO live to see the dayn said
| Lord Brougham, g when every peasant in
| England can understand Newton" ssWouldn,t
1t be better that they had little bacon frat 81
inquired Cobbett. ~. -.s7- 80 =
/ +" Ny party, sir, will not lie in idleness u
said politician. Every true, sir" retorted
his opponent, .ssyour party is never chargeable
either with lying in idleness or with idleness
in lying" 49, .
i Mans feelings are always purest an,
most glowing at the hour of meeting and fare
well; like the glaciers which are TRANSPARENT
: and rosy hued only at sunset, but throughou
the day gray and cold.