The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1863-10-07
A FAT DUTCHMAN'S OPINION
ON THE WAR!

| oPNoN hSi oO hiuSh iisS
to say someting as some odder men who
pays taxes and sticks up py the consthi-
tuition. goes in for the Union alleged
der, and l don't haf nothings to do nit
tenn dam gopperheads dat goes round
humbugging de beeples. Dat ish not my
sthyle. o no! Itells you vot l do
Ven dis war pegins to broke out calls
my son Shorge:
"Come here, you, Shorge," l ses. He
coined. "Shorge," ses |, even you vos
a little boy l gives you de names from
Shorge Washington, because he vas goot
man, ftes nit his cuntry. Now, here ish
annudder muss pegund petweeu Uncle
Sam and some more tam rascals, and l
want you TO put your gun on your pack,
und 60 und fite too und be so goot man
as ne vas"
Veil, of he goes, and bretty soon dey
makes him corporal, und now he rites a
letter on me, and ses he haf a goot chance
to be made captain so soon as his turn
comes. NY Shorge is no gowart l tell
you, he will fite so te tuyfel. Once l see
him lick poy more as haf as pig as lis
self. Veil, ven he goes nit te sogers |
tell him he shall write home on me und
let me know vat he does, and how many
pattles they fite, and how nanny rebbels
they don't kill, and how many rebbels
kill dem, and how many men the rebbels
hat, and what the shenerals are about,
and vat de gorporals ish about und all
vat Shelf Davish is about, und all about
every ting; of course | reads some of desc
tngs in the baper, but de bapers ish all
lies. l bleeves not von tam tings from
de whole of dem. | see dem make it all
up down in dere cellar. l tink dey do
not know no more about it as |
do. My Shorge is right there on the
shpot and sees it NIT his own eyes, dat is
peter as being in cellar, und if he rites
me some tings, l shwear its shust so,--
Veil, by.und-by he rites me letter:
"My dear fadder," he ses, nottings
TO eat"
All rite sends him pox so pig rs
parn, NIT sour krout, and boloncs, and
pretzels, and kase, allies vat is goot Veil,
bretty soon he writes anuder letter:
"My dear fadder," he ses, al hat no
clothes"
All rite! l tells my old woman und
she sends him shirts, and stockings, and
baper collars, more as two men could lift.
Veil, vait little, and nudder comes:
"My dear fadder, he ses 81 haf nc
monish."
Dat ish all de news l got from him so
far. But l can see how tings go on bret
ty veil myself, und I'll tell YOU how l tink
dis war is maniged:
Some feller shumps up und wants to be
a Shcneral. All ritel Veil, he goes
round to his friends, Congressman und
contractors, und some udder tieis, und
ses: 81 60 in to Sheneral.' All ritel
We're veil. "Now, you must shpeak to
Olt Abe, and tell him vat wants" All
rite again, and den dey goes to Olt Abe
and ses: colt Abe, here ish mighty
shmart man, you shall make him for n
Shenral." al haf more Shenrals as |
knows vat to do mit," ses Old Abe. "Nef-
er mind," dey ses, "dish feler ish shmart-
er den all Of dem," and dey podder and
podder, and podder, till Olt Abe he ses,
ego to de tuyfel, and make him Shcnral."
All rite again. Veil, so soon as he gets
to be Shenral, he puts on some new closhe,
NIT couple Of pounds of gifted brass on
de shoulders, and gets some more felers
init new closhe and gifted brass, dem ish
de stbaff, and dey all ride down togcddcr,
and take command of de army. Den, as
de next ding is, dc men has to pack up
dere tings and off dey goes. Veil, dey
marshes till dey, comes to a place we're
dere is plenty of whisky, and den de