American citizen. [volume] (Butler, Butler County, Pa.) 1863-1872, 1863-12-23
An Irishman in a Telegraph Office.


An is this Houses telegraph ?" ask
ed a Hibernian the other day as he en-
tered the Office in the Traveller buildings.
On being informed that it was, dialogue
ensued, of which the following is as near
as verbatim report as our reporter was able
to obtain:
Pat--Is Misther House in?
Clerk-No l attend to business here.
Pat-Och, do ye? Well can ye send
to me brother Mick, in New York
Clerk-Yes. Have you got your mes
sage written2
Pat-O, bother! Divil need of givin'
Mick message in writin', at all at ALL
Jist give him this FIVE dollar bill, sure,
for to help pay the fine the blackguards
put upon him,
Clerk-But We cannot send money by
telegraph. Money must go by mail
Pat-Shure but what nd | go buy male
for ? An isn't it three pecks of Elegant
male | have in the house already?
Clerk-No. You don't understand.
mean by post.
Pat-Post is it In q letther? An
ye can't send it by the telegraph?
Clerk-No. All we can do is, if you
have message, we can send that. That
is, we can charge the wire with electrici-
ty and make it write in New York what
ever you wish.
Pat-Mahe It right, is it! Well, now,
be dad, that's the thing enthirely. Just
make 1t right with Mick, and here's the
five dollars, avick !
Clerk Slightly vexed. We can do
nothing of the sort i mean we write
print the words you want to say to your
brother in New York.
Pat Scratching his head with puz-
zled heir)-Ifyou can do that, just be af-
ter discoorsin' wild him soon as ye like
Clerk-But you must write the message
you wish to send upon this bit of paper.
Pat-Och bad luck to it! | haven't
the gift o writin' at all, sure
(Here the clerk arranges his paper, and
prepares to write the message for Pat him
sci.
Clerk-Whats your brothers name?
Pat--Mick.
Clerk-And what is his other name?
Pat-Same as my own. Sure we're
brothers.
Clerk know that. But what is he
called.
Pat-What is he called? Oh !@Well,
in the ovid country they called him "Shil-
lelah Mick" becase of the mighty fine
taste, he had at swingin' that bit of atwig;
and llany's the sconce he cracked like an
old teapot, when
Clerk (exasperated u don't care what
they called him in Ireland. Give me his
other name. 1t is ' Nick what?
Pat-Och, botheration, mo- Mick
Watt is my cousin, as lives in the county
Kerry, and been dead these five years
heaven rest his sowl
Clerk-Confound it, Can't you tell
me your brothers other name? He has
one besides Michael hasn't he?
Pat-O, yesl Shure why didn't ye
tell me that's what ye wanted before-for
faith, as sure's my name is Pat Finnegan
you should have been towld the family
name of my ancesthers, begorral
Clerk-Ah Finnegan's the name.
Pat-No, jewel-IMich Finnegan. Div
il an r. Finnegan is there in the family,
savin' Rory. He is listed for soger
Clerk proceeds to write message to
Mick" as dictated by Pat, after which
he counts the words in the dispatch, and
says: Here are eighteen words The
first will cost you forty cents, and the 9TH
ers twenty-four, making sixty-four cents
in all"
Pat-O bother the first tin works. shure
Mick'll never miss 'em. Send the last.
Clcrk-We can't do that You must
pay after cents at any rate.
Pat-Sorra bit can do that Shure
ye may tell Mick that the r'ason of his
gittin' no message from me, was OWN to
the occasion of the money it cost, an
that'll explain the rason of his not hearin'
from me at all
exit Pat matchmaking the dirthy
wire machine of a telegraph !" and follow
ed by not over friendly ejaculation from
the Clerk in attendance. )-Traueler.