The weekly Butte record., 1863-01-17
a Capital Joke.

Colonel s., tells a capital story Of GER
tain wag in the interior, a jolly publican, who
contributes a good deal to the life Of that
pleasant bat sometimes very obstinate borough.
One morning, a travelling phrenologist arrived
at his inn, aud took lodgings. The next day
in the village paper appeared an advertisement,
stating that Professor B had arrived. and
would make. for consideration examiua-
ton of the heads of the citizens. and occom-
pany the same with accurate, reliable charts Of
character. For three or four days the calls
were sparse but on the fifth day there was
rush Of Eve or six to the apartments Of the
Professor. One morning eountryman enter
ed the inn where the phrenologist had his
rooms, and said to our landlord aforesaid " Is
this the place where the phrenologist holds
out who can tell mau's ka-racter by the
bumps onto his skull?" Yes" answered
Boniface, in reserved and diguifed manner.
/" Wal, | want my potato-trap looked into
little. Where is the man." Il am the man"
said the landlord. "Oh you be, eh? Wal, put
in: feel O my Jumps and gin US a map
What's the swindle?" There is no swindle,
sir: phrenology is a science, sir-a liberal
science" ooh? yes-'xpect so but what's
the price for feein' a fellers head ?" "One
dollar, with a chart" Wal. 60 it: what do
l do ?-lie down or sit up? Does it hurt ?"
" Not in the least sir take your seat in that
chair" There were four or FIVE morning loun-
gers in the tavern, who checked laugh, as
the countryman took his seat, having first, as
requested, removed his coat, vest, and neck tie
The wag Of a landlord ran his hands through
the har " of the patient for a moment,
and then said to his bar tender Mr.. Flip
kins, take a sheet of paper, draw four lines
down its whole length, and put down my fig
ures under the heads l mention to you," 1t
was done. Have you got it % - Yes all
right" Very well :" and the landlord went
on with his examination, which was rougher,
perhaps, than there was any necessity for
" Put down Philo progenitiveness, Sirfy. =
F" Down, sir Very well Reverence, two"
" Booked, sir CombatIveness, ttro hun
dred :" " What's that ?" said the victim
" No matter, sir: you'll see it on the chart.
Caution, one; Credulity four hundred -
F" What's that last lump?" asked the patient.
" Never mind, now you'll understand it by
and-by. And now, Ito the bar keeper,) Mr.
Flipkins, you've put these in separate columns.
as usual?" " Yes, sir" Very well: add
EN- up add EN- u-upp!' exclaimed the
chronological subject = Is that the way
you do?" "Of curse. How else could
we get your balance of mind-of intellect -
" Wal, 60 ahead - How far does it DABoLL,
Mr.. Flipkins? ?" "The three columns are
equal-they foot up precisely the same.'' The
landlord looked solemnly and sympathizingly
toward his subject; 1t is very strange"
said he, 4" but 1t IS 50. Phrenology never lies
You have no predominant character, sir you
have no intellectual status: you don't know
any thing, sir. Excuse me, sir but | must
state the truth, whether you take chart or
not but sir, if there is any truth IL phrenolo-
gy. y0u are a d-m fool! Under the circum-
stances, sir, l can scarcely expect you to desire
to keep the chart which YOU have contracted
for: that is matter of small consequence, as
it will be valuable illustration of unique.
which l can use in my lectures hereafter 1
authenticate all my lectures, sir. with real
in science, is one which was never brought
against me, sir, and never lrN be. sir-neUer p
oh ! never mind give US the map" said the
subject here's the swinde; but Ia rather
pay it than to have you goin round the coun-
try maxim fool of me everywhere else, as you
have here-you blasted philoprogenitive hum
bug. you p With this explosion. the subject
retired.