The mountain Democrat., 1863-05-02
DER TEUFELsKERI.
a FAEE or GHAxAN PExiSsYrvAx1A.

rwuOetuau0O, tOoe ne was not born 70 0e
laughed Gt. Diedrich wss not only clown.
ithly rustic 10 his demeauof, but some.
times significantly inelegant In. the em.
ployment Of his enunciative member. Il
bis history from the time Of bis first am.
bplAtoTy effort until the termination cl
his terrestrial aojourn. were dramatized, Il
would form . "Comsdy Of Errors" won.
derfplly excitstiVs Of upTOariOus cachina.
ton.
During the time Of Disdrich's undis.
eorning adOlescs0cs, hO was the author
Of mischisvOus mistake, nov forgotten,
which imPslled his feminine parent in q
ParOxysm Of chagFin to dub him Der
%r=.e4e.s %r==eA.ee4e.s" :7hA1:1A: 1-ST8S1tion from tbsi
time be held by q life tenure. He Always
hated to see any one laugh unless he WIS
eogniGant Of the cause Of merriment, for
be was sure to imagine himself the butt.
Diedrich had two sisters, WilheImina,
the elder, Susannah, the younger, neither
married, but both manageable at the
time Of which we write and Suse, as her
name was adectioaately abbreviated by
her mother, was . half hour or there's
bouts her brOther's junior.
1t is somewhere noted in authenticated
history, that under the reign Of one Of
England's sovereigns, (gOod Queen Bess
as like IS mott, no damsel vas permitted
to marry until she had manufactured for
her own use . complete set Of bed and
body linen. So under the sapient gov
eminent Of the Rodenheieers, the Schlupp.
ivinkete, the Schminkdackchens. and the
Ochlenschlaegens, who coIonized half q
township Of Pennsylvania, the latitude
and longitude whereof have not been as
certaiued. every maiden was required be-
fore her bridal to be the artificer of "her
things" as they phrased il, the most
prominent Of which were Q feather bed
and apparel experiment, an extra calico
quilt Of ample size, and two others of
miniature dimensions, the stuff for the
fabrication Of ell Of which was furnished
by the parents with religious strictness
on the morning Of the daughters fifteenth
birthday. For what purpose the pair of
diminutive quilts were designed, we, the
writer, were never curious enough to To-.
quire. ..
On the maiden's marriage, she was con.
veyed to the hAbitation Of her spouse In .
two-wheeled cart or ordinary farm-wagoD,
sitting upon the aforesaid worldly estate,
with which it had pleased q gracious
Providence TO enable her parents and her
own hands to bless her, while the happy
husband trudged behind the vehicle dri-
wing . COW, two sheep, and q pig, the
young brides marriage portion, the which
species, though nowhere mentioned in
LyttletOn. may, without doing unpardon-
able violence TO legal terms, De referred
to the head Of dover OK asSensu patris.
Now, notwithstanding it was essential
to matrimonial eligibility that the young
maid should exhibit her thiRgs," and
name them her own workmanship, yet
fictione legis, she was permitted to call
herself their fabFicator, though she herself
had never put stitch in them, the whole
having been accomplished by the friendly
labor Of her female associates. Although
to the casuist this might seem crimina! in
conscience, assuredIy it was . harmless
fiction compared with many OF the falsi-
ties which that perverter Of the truth, the
lawyer, crowds within bis comprehensive
maxim, ''qui facit per alum, facit per Sc. ="
II was the cuStOuI, therefore, for al the
girls in the BeishbOrhOOd, upon the invi-
tation Of Q confamiliar, TO congregate OF
an afternoon at her abode, and aid her in
quilting.
Wilhelmina and Susannah being now
both Of marriageable age, it was meet that
the requisites 70 matrimonial eligibleness
should be perfected, the material for
which had for some time lain in an Oaken
chest of antiquated fOrm, and pre-eminent
capacity. Accordingly, on the fourth day
Of March, Ammo, one thousand eight hun
dred and somewhere about thi=ty, all the
young ladies' residing within y circle oi
two ard half miles radius, were gather
ed at . quilting on the second and upper.
most floor of the ROdenheiseTs' domiciI.
Three corners Of the room were furnished
for family dormitOries, the fourth was
occupied as q nursery by feline mother,
for whose comfortable repOse and that ol
her six sightDess younglings, Diedrich had
humanely provided pair OF his old wool.
en- trousers. Along the walls we're hung
medicinal herbs, Bologna sausages, half.
worn frocks, and worse worn PetticOats,
arranged with singular careless neatness,
and admirably portraying the providence,
frugAlity and economy, Of the ROdenhei-
6ers.
Diedrieh had never yet "gone out" and
it was the old woman's resolve that on
this occasion he should introduce himself
to female society, an attachment for
which, permit US parenthetically to re-
mark, is an eminent preservation to q
young mans morals.
Diedrich," said the old one, Ego up
sthairs to de girls, its no pOys dere yet
60 long init you" .~ ...
"Veli, veil, py sure" retorted the ODE.
dent son, "but ven | goes dere l knows
not vat to speak,"
"Du TeufeIskerls, go to the girls, and
say, al, you little FOgues, you slhOle my
heart"
Between the inner and outer sides o
bis coat pocket, Diedrich shared in equal
proportions, not less than square yard
Of bandanna, and jerked up above his
ears his calico shirt-cUllar, and jerked
down almost long enough to meet the
waistband Of his pantalOOns his red fan.
mel waistcOat, and puckered his mouth
into irregular corrugatiOns, and then
strutted up stairs. The girls intently ply.
ing their needles noticed not, or feigned
not to notice bis presence, until having
crossed his arms NpsR his back, be curved
his body into an arc OF ninety, and inter.
polating his chronological Developments
between the heads Of . couple of ladies',
whose cheeks were lowered, bet not with
the rese, and thruSIing il half way ACROSS
the quilt, exclaimed:
"Ah, you little rogdes, you sthole my
sthomach."
."Yotr heart, you mean" said wilhel