The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1863-01-07
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


when his kite was going up.
MAN leads women to the altar; in that
act his leadership begins and ends.
AT what point do armies generally en-
ter hostile citiesl At the point Of the
bayonet.
RULERS WELD the people, but school
masters WELD rulers. Powerful people
are schoolmasters.
"HUsDAND, if m honest man is Gods
noblest work, what is an honest woman 2"
+" His rarest, dear"
Is breath of air stealing over bank
to be called draft on it? And is it dis
honest because it is stealingg
A YOUNG lady, if visitor rings the
door-bell, will sometimes send word zen
gagged" though she never had an offer in
her life.
FIRST LADY" Queen Elizabeth had
fourteen hundred dresses" Second Lady
-"Ohl the awful extraYagant creature !
One half of them is full enough for any
woman"
A LADY, complaining how rapidly time
stole away, said: "Alas! | am near
thirty" "Do not fret at it, madam, for
you will get further from that frightful
epoch every day."
Why is fine widow, who entraps in
Hymen's meshes tho heir of a prosper
Gus gentleman like the earth9 Because
she is fair but deceitful9 No. Because
she comes round the sun (son).
A CAPTAIN of q rifle company West,
was guilty of an unteard of barbarity on
a very cold day recently. He actually
marched his men to the canal, and then
coolly ordered them TO fall in."
WHENEVER you see a lady and gen.
tleman alone in cab, each looking out
of different window, be convinced that
they are perfectly harmless, for they have
been married some months at least.
AN Irishman, being befuddled, and
asked what was his religious belief, said !:
"Is it me belafe ye'd be asking aboutw
said he. It's the same as the WILDLY
Brady. l owe her twelve shilings for
whisky, and she behaves I'll never pay her;
and faith, that's my belafe, too"
NOSE Case, n negro, was about rs well
known TO Gen. Taylo army rs The Gen
eral himself At Buena Vista, Nose left
early in the action, and found his way TO
Saltillo, where he remained until after the
23d. Nose would never admit that he
ran-he only retreated in good ORDER
A few days after his return TO camp an
officer was pressing him to know how fast
he did retreat. "Well, I'll tell you the
truth, Captain" was his reply. " If l had
been at home, and going after the doctor,
folks would have thought the man was
right down sick"
WAR FRAzEs.-" On tu Richmond"
that's tu sa, if the kusscd rebels will al
low it.
"Militara Necessita 10 offishers,
and gallon Of whisky, tn every pri-
Yates.
WAR Of exterminashun" This fraze
belongs holy to the kommisara depart
ment.
"Awl quiet on the Pottermuck y
This shows what perfeck subjeckshun our
fellers are under.
"Pickets These are chaps that are
sent out tn borry tubacker of the enema,
and tu sec if the kussed rebels has got a
pass.
"SALLY," said a green youth in ven
cradle white hat and gray pants, through
which his legs projected half foot, per-
haps more, f" Sally, afore we 90 into this
ere museum 10 see the boa constructor, |
want to ask you somethin'.
"Well, Ichabod, what is it?'
"Well, you see this ere business is
gwine to costa quarter n piece, and |
can't afford to spend so much for nuthin.'
Now if you'll have me, darn'd if don't
pay the hull on it myself. | will positiv-
yilyw
Sally made non commial reply,
which Tchabod interpreted to suit him
self, and he strobe up two steps at a time,
and paid down the "hull ont"
ONE of our Michigan boys, on the Rap
pahannock, writes home some Of his adj
ventures while on picket duty. Among
other things he says the rebel pickets fire.
quently interchange words upon the
banks of the stream. Our Michigan boy,
with others, were recently picketing a
bridge, which had been destroyed. He
says, while guarding one end Of the brigdo
the rebel pickets came on the other end
and sat down, while between the two
parties there was chasm of some forty
or fifty feet. One of the rebels exclaim-
cd: Hello, Yank."
Hello, Secesh."
"When are you coming TO Richmond 2"
"We'll be along pretty soon."
"Well, remember one thing-you will
have TO come up Longstreet, and n
pretty big It'll, and finally obliged to
cl;nh oyer n ,CfoDeipoUo ~