Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1863-01-02
~, may not be persons distinguishable from

ourselves" ...
And they all departed. shaking their heads.
my boy--they all departed shaking their
heads; leaving the unfortunate old chap to
bind up his offspring's nose, and to reflect
upon the great iniquity Of interfering with
one sons success, by not having another.
The Government of our distracted country.
my boy, is % very mu h lk,. this We e'l.mean-
ing but imbecie old chap, that the failure ot
any one Of its generals is entirely due to its
interference in not having another general
who, in case that general did not succeed,
could take his place before he failed to do so.
The Military Necessity produced by this
interference took place at Paris very recent
ly, and shortly after the new General Of the
Mackerel Brigade had SO nearly won the bat
tie by that revolution Of manly Shape to
which referred in my last letter.
Finding that the terribl. boinbardment Of
Paris, my boy, had routed the struggling
Confederacies from that ancient city, the
whole Mackcrel brigade marched safely
across Duck Lake, leaving the Orange Ceun-
ty Howitzers on this side. Scarcely had the
spectaclcd host occupied the city, when there
appeared upon the main street the over
whelming Shape Of the new General ofthe
which was almost as sagacious rs human
being; and holding his hat in one hand after
the manner Of Washington entering Trenton.
1t was as though Frank Leslie's Iliustrated
artist had just been commanded to draw
warlke picture, my boy, representing one OF
those equestrian heroes who all appear in
precisely the same attitude, and seemed to
have lifted their hats for the particula, pur.
pose Of showing with what mathematical
precision their hair is parted.
Instantly there arose cheers so loud, that
they must have been heard by the cowardly
Confederacics on the hills behind Paris. and
several Mackerels became so enthusiastic to
bc led against the enemy, that they actually
started on the war path by themselves, and
only turned back when they discovered that
they happened to be going the wrong drec-
ton.
H,ving received all the cheers. and imme-
dat ly dispatched them to the reliable morn
ing journals around the country, the General
of the Mackclal Brigade ordered the Comic
Section, under Capt. Bob Shorty. and Com
p,ny 3, Regimen, 8, under Captain Brown, to
march out OF Paris, aud form in line under
the guns Of the Southern Confederacy; at
the same time directing Captain Samyulc
Sa-mith. to take Company Q, Regiment and
strike through defile in the hills
Samyulc formed his veterans in the shape
Of horseshoe, and says he:
"Comrades, now is the time to repent Of
your sins, for you haven't got much time
left. As for myself" says Samyule, serious
ly, "my sins are all those of commission,
and those who gave me my commission are
responsible for them. If any Of you young
er Mackerals have in your possession the last
things yonr mothers gave you, now is your
chance to look upon them for the last time"
As Samyule spoke thus. n small blue OBJ
jet, carrying drum, toddlcd forth from the
ranks, and saluted. It was u small Mackeral
drummer. my boy, who had enlisted only
ten days before, and his small eyes were wet
with tears The heroic child wiped his little
nose on his sleeve, and says he
My mother gave me something"
Samyulr was greatly affected. and says he:
"Was it q Family Bible, sweet cheIub?"
No o-O,' sobbed the innocent, as though
his little heart would break.
Samyulc wiped his tear-dimmed spectacles,
and says he:
Perhaps it was her nag, erreotype ?"
The infant wept alresh, and says he:
"N0o-o.'
Then, says Samyule, ina broken voice,
s. it must have been her blessing"
mo! nO-o-o," cried the small Mackcral
drummer with quiverlng lips.
!" Then what in thunder was it that your
mother gave your says Samyule, greatly
bewildered.
" 1t was a spanking |" screamed the affrc-
tionate little creature, examining both his be.
tie fists into his little eyes, and blubbering
unrestraincdly.
Samyule gazed moment at the child. and
says he: We'll may affection, bid thee
weep, thou tender it'll one When a sweet.
heart blushingly places rose upon her low
er's breast. the scene is affecting; but my
own memory of childhood tells me that
far deeper feeling is excited when the tender
mother selects different flower, and places
upoh the back Of her child the modest lady's
slipper" .... ... ....
Immediately after this affecting little Incl
dent, my boy, Samyule led his men I" their
duty, and they marched into one end Of the
defilc as soldiers, to pass out Of the other as
spirits.
Along the front " Forward I" was the word,
and the Comic Section swept to the assault,
like sea Of bayoncts dashed against shore
of adamantine rock from the hollow of an
Almighty hand. Were it possible. my boy,
for bullets to ascend perpendicularly until
they just reached the top Of mountain breast
works, and then slant down at an acute an
gle to where the foe lay hidden. it is possible
that the frequent volltys from the Comic Sec
ton might have produc d some carnage but
as the face Of the hill before our troops was
stragM up and down, with the noisy Con.
federacies on the extreme summit, the Mack.
erel musketry simply occasioned a rise in
Federal lead, without fall in Confederate
leaders.
Some Confeleracies in their lofty intrench
mants, just tipped over few cannon, so that
the balls might roll out upon the Mackerels.
and, says one Of them:
If you mudslls will stay there a little
longer, we'll manage it SO as to drop the
shell on you from our hands, without using
the guns at all.
Captain Bob Shorty heard this jeer, and,
as he tied his handkerchief over wound on
his forehead, sickly smile illustrated his
ghastly face. and says he:
1--WE might as well all die here together.
The grave. after ALL is softer bed than many
of these Mackerel beings have been accus-
toned to-"
Sergeant O'Pake, who always takes things
literally, turned to Bob, and, says he:
4 4 =. .ntN