, 1863-03-05

Scolding, says good iOr-nOthing old bachelor,
Is the pepper Of matrimony, and tho ladies are
the pepper.bOxes.
A philosopher being asked "What animal is
most hurtfuiH" replied: "Of wild beasts, . ty-
rant; Of tame, Aatterer."
Debster reduces everything to mathematics.
He got married because kissing saved fifty per
cent on his sugar tax. Old bachelors please take
notice.
A newspaper patron" who has not paid bis
subscription for Eve years, writes to the proprie
tot that he 10 keeping back the money 50 that II
may be received with the greater pleasure when
Il comes. We don't think hunter need hang
up his venlsOn ive years to give Il the flavor"
The first symptoms Of love in the wisest Of the
worlds philosophers were certainly very remark.
able. "Leaning, says Socrates, tiny shoulder
to her shoulder, abd my head to hers, as we were
reading together in book felt Il as . fact
s sudden sting 10 my shoulder, like the biting Of
a Hea, which | still felt above Eve days aAer,
and continual itching crept into my heart"
A goody parson complained 10 an elderly lady
Of his congregation that her daughter appeared
to DO wholly taken up with triAes and worldly
finery, instead Of fixing her mind on things
above. "You are certainly mistaken, sir ;
know that the girl appears To an observer to be
taken up with worldly things but you cannot
Judge correctly Of the direction her mind really
takes, as she is alittle eross-eysd."
The component parts Of an editor are defined
thus: The constitution Of horse, obstinacy Of
4 mule. the Independence Of woOd-sawyer, the
pertinscity Of dun, the endurance Of starv-
ing anaconda, the impudence OF beggar, an
India rubber conscience. and must be moving
target for everything. and 70 assist busy bodies
TO pry into the business Of their neighbor&" II
he docs not come up to this description, be is not
thought . good editor.
A quack doctor was called upon to visit ner.
vous old lady, and, after an examination said he
Mum, your disorder Is Of scrutunutuary na'
ture"
HPray, what disorder Is that, dOctOri"
"Why, Il Il dropping Of your narves, mum ]
your nafves have fallen into your pirarintum, and
cause your chest to become moberAs, and your
heGd goes tiEariren."
"why, doctor, you have subscribed my com
plant exactly"
"Maryhh, does thee love mei" asked Quaker
youth Of one at whose shrine bis holiest feelings
had been offered up
"Yhy, Seth" answered she, eve are com.
mAnded olove one another, are we not p
AyNN AaNNua wy uQPn SuOG LNkOaN uAS Wtsas
the feelings the world calls love"
"Thardlv know what to tell thee, Seth.
have greatly feared that my heart was IN erring
one IhaTs tried to bestoW my love on an bul
may have sometimes thought, perhaps, that thee
was getting rather more th6h thy share"
Amongst the 1asaries Of an eccentric physi.
clan (Monseyy was the way ihwhichhs extracted
his own teeth. Round the tooth sentenced To- be
drawn be fastened securely q strong piece ol
catguk,, 10 the Opposite eDd Of which, he affixed
3 bullet. With this bullet ahd q full Iredsufe oI
powder, pistol was charged On, the trigger
Being pulled, the oberGtioE was pbrfoFmed eifec
tusliy and speedily. The doctor, could rarely
prevail on bis friends TO permit him tp remove
th6ir teeth BY this original process Once gen:
4 deman Who hhd agreed 10 try the novelty, and
hkd stSn allowed The apparatus 70 Be adjusted,
| a. ths last moment exclaimed :-"Stopl Stop
/ rye chanked my mlndr
dBul fhaisa't ana you're stool and : coward
Ior your pain" answered the doctor pulling ID.
trieror. In smother instant the tooth was ez,
tESclsd. much 10 thstimld patients delight and
astonishmeut'