Union County star and Lewisburg chronicle. [volume] (Lewisburg, Pa.) 1859-1864, 1863-03-24
From Artemus Ward, Jr.
WASHINGTON, Jan. 81, '63.


rromist that these rebellion shoold be over
as soon as they was 'lected, and they air
doin all in thar power to get it overall
over the North. You Good stick more
loyalty in chickens ear than sich men
possess.
The other day 'piuted myself a COM
mittee ov the Whole to 90 to Richmon
and see ef | coodeut convius j. Davis ov
the error ov his ways, an persuade him to
jine the Young Mems Christian Associa-
tlon. Sumthin must soon be did to have
the War stopt, or by the time its ended
the Northern sympathizers will have no
Southern brethren, or no Constitution, or
anything else None. Whar could we
Procoor G. Washingtons, j. Quincy
Jeffersons, Thomas Adamses, an etsetery,
to make another Ccnstiiootion, an SO 4th
the larst especially? Echo ansers-
Wbar? That's why the Brecks air taken
sich good care of that nstrooment-which
remins me of-a little insident, as A. l..
obsarves.
A chap sez to me, sez he, al know but
one way to get rid ov the sympathizers."
(which is how ?'' | arskt.
"Why," sez he, Grip the CONSTRUCTION
into spiintereens-rent it in twain, aud
scatter the pieces to the end of ihe earth" "
"How wood them do it?" l coodn't
see it much.
"Wy you know thar love for it is so
CRATE that ef it was destroyed, it wood
brake thar hearts an kill 'em dcd wich
wood be the end ov en-
"Peas be TO thar end" SEE I. "Lopg
may it waver !"
But was a Goin to tell you about me
trip to the Capital Of the Southern Con-
thieveracy. 1t was boo,iful mornin that
started nary cloud obskewered the
Orb ov day, and everything was gay and
bully. When | arrove a. the secesh lines,
n dirty lookin Confed calld nc "Halt,"
ard pinted a bagone. at me. He arskt
me who l was, aud whar was gone.
"My friendly ruff" scz |, 'rve just
hin North, stealth things, and sich, for
Jof. ais and him air ole pals"
X; Hs left me pars.
ATfter tratein spell, l observed ole
house by the roadside, & feelin faint and
thirsty, 1 entera. The only family
found at home was likely lookin young
femail gal, whose Johnny had gone for a
solger. She was weepin bitterly.
"Me putty rosebud" stz !, why dost
thou weep?"
She maid nary answer, bu. weepested |
on. | placed me hand onto her he'd,
brusht back the snowy ringlets from her
pale brOw, an kis-an pasyGed her.
"What eassed them tears, fare maid! Z"
/ arskt again.
"Wby," SEE she, "5rotber John promist
2 bring me home some Yankee boans to
make jewelry, but be had to 60 and git
killd, & nov | wont get airy bOan, an
., its bad-boo. 100000
Yes, it was muchly . bad-an moro
too. A woman's tears brings the under.
sind, an fer the time bein was o rebel
sympathiser.
"Enuy father. ?" l arskt.
"Only one. But hes ded. Mother
went over to see Uukle Reub."
"Was John putty good brother"
"Yes, John was, o so kind. His was
the only bosom l had to reposo these
weary he'd onto"
/ pitiod the maid, an hinted that she
nigh; ropose her weary he'd on my Shirt
front-aa she reposed. An | was her ;
Brother John for awhile, as it were.
Ere Eo parted, arsk! for draugbt ov
water TO squepcb me thirst, an the damscl
tiip'd gayiy out Of the door to procure it.
As she was gone a considerable period, | {
looks out the winder an saw hcr hoppin
briskly 4;h accompanied by . secosh Gus
ses, who war armed 10 the teeth. begin
2 smell as many os mouses. The "putty
dear" had discovered | was a Yankee, an
was goin to have me tooken prisoner. l
frustrated her plans a few leaps out
the back winder as quick as Prcslidigu.
an when she entered the do.
misil she found "brother John none ester
(Which is Latin or sumtbiD, an bel had
proceeded much, found me Tme-repeter
none ester, too. The fare maid, who was
FlOyd's Neece, bad hOokt it while reposin
on me weskit. 1t was hunky watch-a
family hairioom, au | woodn't have parted
with it fer dollar g. sixty-nine cents
Cl,69)
In doc corse OF mail arrow in Rich
mon. | unfolied mo mission, an was
ushered into J. Davis's orgust presents
He'd jist returned from his speechifying
tower.
"Tap US yeur fipper, ole Covy," sez l,
addressin him in the i. L. We approvd
dierlect.
"Msks known your bizpess," seq be.
"lm gitten up proclamation for the
determination ov the hole Yankee nation,
an airu't got much leisure fer emmy other
occupation"
81 come,' sez I, "on mission Ov peas
Your COpperbeded friends in the North
will soon cease to exist, eff things. .carnt be
arranged to prohibi, the Unionis,ers from
tearin the Constitoosh."
"What terms do you offer" queried
jeff
"Wall," sez I. 81 air instructed by the
Copperheads (Wood, Stiles & Co. you
know propos enuy,hing which will
most disgrase the North. You kin take
your niggers all over creation, incloodin
Jarsey."
"Wood that be Constitutional 2" arskt
j. D., with O sly twinkle ov his eye.