The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1863-03-12

Does it make a man influential to have the in
huenza?
What is it that never asks any questions, but
requires many answers? The street door.
To every old man. his departed boyhood is a
Paradise Lost-fuller Of poetry than Millions.
A lazy mans farm is always dressed in weeds
as if he were dead and it were his mourning Wild
ow.
Ifa man presents you with a full suit of cloths
from head to foot, except a cravat, he cuts your
throat.
An honest farmer writes to an agricultural So
ciety, Gents, pleas put me down on your list OF
cattal for a bull"
He who fishes in the sea of m%atrimony need
If the hook is gold.
Prince Demidof. finding himself short of money
recently in Paris. sold a dozen or so of his cabinet
pictures for SIC, 600.
To ascertain how much speed there is in you,
make faces at a red-haired woman when she has
a cistern pole in her hand.
a lady writes to us that she is astonished at our
denunciation ofdeserters, We are astonished at
her as-onishment. P~rentice'
The people of New Orleans should be able TO go
out to sea whenever they like. The Mississippi
offers them a great many passes.
Mrs. Sheridan Knowles. formerly Miss Elphin-
stone, and now the widow of the late Celebrated dra
matist, is likely to receive a pension for life, on
the recommendation of Lord Palmerston.
A n,.- n~;As =
nent for his extreme youth said, said, ut is true
that l am young, but my learned friend will find
in the course of this trial that 1 have read the old
books. . . .
AMaine editor says that a pumkin in that State
grew go large that eight men could stand around
1t. This is like the MAI who saw a flock OF black
birds SO low that he could shake q stick at them.
An lrish widow, says a Derry paper, sent her
children to steal a neighbours sheep, but before
sending the stolen property to market, she sprink>
led it, the thieves and the car, profusely with
holy water.
A little boy, playing with a dog. discovered,
for the first time, that the animal had claws; where
upon he ran into the house ,exclaiming, with OPEN
eyed wonder, 'Oh Mother, Fido has got teeth in
his toes y
A pathetic camp writer eulogizing one of our
glorious women of America, employed in her
ministry to the poor soldiers, says, 81 thought that
night that if heaven ever sent out a homely angel
she must be one, her assistance was so timeIy''
A "homely angel is good.
Professor Grimwizzle (who is married. assures
US that nobody likes TO NEEDLE with a woman
whose disposition contains the escence of light
ming, vitrlol, cream of tartar and hartshorn. who
manufactures words by the mile, and measures
their meaning in a thimble.
What name, sir, said the clerk of a steamsb;r
company, as the cockney gentleman applied .or
passage to Europe. John Hogden,' was the re.
ply. The clerk commenced to spell it-.'John
hog'-"Tut,t tut, man." said the Englishman,
"do You take me for a 'og? begin it with a no.
They had a kind of a semi>public baby show in
"Pooduc," Maine, recently, and the mothers were
requested to decide which baby should have
the prize as the smartest and h~andsomest. When
the slips containing the votes were examined, it
was found that each mother had voted her own
the handsomest. Natural, very.
In consequence of the increased cost of mate,
rails used" the New York dentists have advanced
IueT c-aTgeS. before the war a man might be
dragged three times around the room, have his
jaw broken and a double tooth extracted for the
low charge of twenty-f five cents. The luxury is
now no longer within the reach of mode, ate
means.
A man who cheats in short measure is q meas.
ureless rogue. If in wiskey, then he is a rogue in
spirit. Ifhe gives a bad title to land. then he is
a rogue in deed. If he gives short measure in
wheat, then he is a rogue in grain. And if h,
cheats when he can, he is iu deed, in spirit u
grain, a measureless scoundrel. If he cheats n
all heis a tall cheat.
Wetherbee, who drives the Harleck stag :, i
a great wag There is a woman lying in tb at'er,
house yonder," said he to us as we were ,.idine
on the out side with him last summer; i.here,
a young woman been lyin there near about
month, and and they haven't buried her vet :,
Why not'' we inocently inquired. "Ca,l Use sh,
amt dead!' quietly remarked Mr.. Wet aerbee
and then he tickled the ear of the nigh leade
slightly with bis whip.