North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1863-10-21

BY NELLIE CLIFTON.


Did you ever enjoy the toothache, o, 70
philosophers of the s,oical school Msyhsp
you have endured L" the slings and arrows Of
outrageous fortune'' but that's nothing to the
too,hache. Mayhap you have tried to sleep
IN a stage coach, under the hallucination that
rough roads had something to do with Ma
turs's sweet restorer." You fx your head
for nap-bob it goes, over to the other side
with jerk that nearly disloeates your neck.
You settle yourself again, when the coach
gives another lurch and fat Irishman comes
plump into your lap. You're grisved, vexed,
disturbed, annoyed, in fact you are mad, but
do not think you are abused until you have
had the toothache. -.
Mayhap on have been smashed in Rail-
Road collision, or ground to atoms beneath
falling bridge, or blown into fragments by o
steamboat boilers bursting, but it s oil the
merest play to the toothache. .........
Very likely you have read of the Internal
tortures Of the Spanish inquisition-how peo.
pie we're stretched on the rack and drawn
out like India rubber, or sawn assunder, or
stuck full Of red hot needles but do not
waste too much sytnpathy on the martyrs
just wait until you have the jumping tooth
ache, and then " If you have tears, prepare to
shed them" a.-
Perhaps you have fallen among the Canaan
che Indians, those red-sk of the South.
west, to whom Satan has granted pat ent for
ingenious modes of torture; and, n,ayhap You
have been roasted, head downwards, over a
blazing fire, while the copper-colured fcuds
danced around with whoops and yells more
hideous than jubilee in Pandemonium but.
you have escaped the toothache, you are
fortunate person.
Just imagine that each nerve in your body.'
wi all its exquisite sensibility, 10 put into
an old eddie and somebody saws the strings
with red hot poker, until each one roars
out in furious tunes" Then suppose that
some friend like those Job had, tells you to
60 to dentist and have your tooth drawn
"it won't hurt much !' You go, and the
dentist smilingly assures you that he can ex-
tract it very easily, the smooth-faced hypo-
critic Of course there are none Of .hem any
better than a red-skin at heart, and they in
Wardly chuckle at the thought Uf nearly tear
ing ones head off the body.
You seat yourself in an easy chair. That's
another trap too, as you will find to your
Gust. Itis just to make you believe that You
are going to have good time bat il you do
not wish yourself in the jaws Of an alligator
before you get through, then sm mistaken.
He gives reassuring grin and commences
cutting around the devoted tooth. Then he
puts on kind Of shiny looking "infernal ma
chine," called forceps, aud "then comes the
tug of war"
A crash, and you feel as if your head had
been twisted IF by gorilla and locono-
| tive driven the whole length of you body
The ground slides from under your feet and
you hang on nothing by an invisible thread.
You get up with the conviction that IL 10 your
duty to shuttle of the mortal coil" for that
dentist, who has left q hole in your mouth
large enough for your boot to come through.
"It came easy" he says, and you crush
down the desire to show him how easy it
would be to make jelly of him. and, pocketing
the cause of all your woes, leave the Office
thankful that person can have the toothache
alcdys and live.