Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1863-10-12
THE DAILY NEWS
AGENTS.:
MY TALE,
And What Came of it.

Itwas to be thrilling tale-an awful
tale-a blood thunder tale-or worse,
a to-be-continued tale.
1t was called The Copper Excavator "
"a tale Of Mexico, San Francisco, or
some other "co."
I had all my characters created. My
heroine was a lovely being-an angel,
minus wings.
But she would wear her hair foot
down her back, in half-bushed net.
And she had Photographic album.
Nv hero was noble youth, Of much
muscle and a sinewy frame; born of poor
but honest parents. HewaS "ncat" with
a sword. 'Slood! 'sdeath and 'smur-
der how he would cut and slash. Often,
before breakfast, in hand-to-hand COM
bat. he had slain fourteen men and an old
woman, with both hands tied behind his
back!
And he could talk Dutch, too.
Then there was the Copper Excava-
tor" our hcroine'S male progenitor, who
had the earth burrowed up for miles
around, searching for copper; and who,
when informed that his daughter held
warm place under her bodice for our hero,
said he couldn't see it."
And he could play old sledge hunky !.
Nv tale also contained band of rob-
bcrs, the chief of whom could not be
surpassed as pilfercr-with few excep-
tons.
Flching-6ngered Floyd is one of the
"few exceptions"
Then 1 had william in disguise. who
was rich, lived in magnificent castle,
and loved 0Sosweet, our heroine.
And he could swear and drink lager.
I also had other characters of lesser
note-an old haggard hag, and step
mother, and dukes, and servants, and poor
and rich uncleS, and
And things!
The scene was located in Spxxvihnlwy-
tovsklt-a charming village in Mexico,
San Francisco, or some other "co,' as
aforesaid. And everything was ''serene.
had wasted two nights and two plnts
of kerosene on the tale; and in that time
the Copper Excavator had discovered sew
eral copper mines; my heroine had been
carried of by the rich old william; our
hero had been overwhelmed and taken
captive by the robbers, but not before he
had "wiped out" bakers dozen OF the
williams. After taking him prisoner, they.
carried him to a cliff which overlooked qp
abvss five hundred feet deep, then cruelty
tied his hands and feet, and, without CIV
ing him time to say his prayers, pushed
him over the cliff. He went down, down
his head striking the juttins rocks every
few feet.
And here the third chapter ended-a
sufficient portion for one week.
And now, Mr.. Editor, comes the
strangest part of all.
In getting the chapters ready tor the
second week, everything progressed favor
ably, until l came to scene where my
hero was to make his appearance, when,
wonderful to relate, he was not to be
found!
In falling over the preciplce ne had ac-
cidentally killed himself!
THAT what allied him. Fact!
Now, here was an unlocked for inter
ruption. \ tale without a hero! AS
we'll jug and no braudy! >, :,
But if I had thought my hero couldn t
be pitched over precipice without dam
aging himself, would have prevented the
robbers from perpetratins the murderous
act.
Or any other man!
But l wanted my tale to be exciting.
And, moreover, don't other great authors
have their heroes thrown into abysses
thousands of feet deep, and into caves
still deeper, and afterward bring them ON
the stage in their proper places:
A few.
l was on the point of abandoning my
story in despair, when I was informed by
a moral and highly intelligent eontraDand
that my defunct hero had q twin brother,
<snd that they so closely resembled each
,Other you couldn't tell t'other from
which" 1t is related, that when both
were small, if one committed an act OF
,disobedience deserving punishment, and
If the mother would leave the room to
procure the "old shoe" to spank hum,
wheR she returned she couldn't distinguish
the offender, and would wallop both to
get the right one!
But pardon the DEPRESSION
/ at once accepted the twin brother as
my dead hero's substitute. 81
Again my tale progressed. Ososweet,
my heroine, was still locked up IN the
.cuss's c;stle; the Copper Excayator was
doing big things in view of the piles OF
money he anticipated his mines would
yield him; and my hero had again fallen
into the clutches of the robbers, who sup
posed ne had bafied their first efforts to
put him out of the way, as I had expected
he would.
This time, to make the thing more srre,
they conducted him to their cave, aad
lowered him into a deep, dark, dismal,
dreary, dreadful, dirty pit, located therein,
and left him there to die of starvation, as
Others had done before him. But he did
not tear his hair in wild despair. Not
much. He sat down, counted his money,