The Union. [volume] (Georgetown, Del.) 1863-1866, 1863-09-11
A Dutch sermon.

I y
frients, you is prout and sassy; and you has
gotten on your uniforms, and dem Wit you like
dongs upon hogs pack. Now, mine frients,
let me tell you dis-a man ish man if he is
no pigger as my dumb. Ven Tavid vent out
to vite nit Goliah he took noting NIT him
but Won sling. Now, don't mistake me, my |
frients, it was not rum sling; no, nor a
gin sling; no, nor mintvater, no, it was a
sling made Wit Won hickory shtick. Now, ven
dis Goliah seed Tavid coming, he said, "You
Won little scoundrel, does you come to vite me?
l will gife you to de birds of de feldt and de
peasts of de air." Tavid says, "Goliah, Go
liah, de race ish not always NIT de shwift, nor
is de battle NIT de strong; and man ish a
man if he is no pigger as my dumb" So
Tavid he fixed shtone in his sling, and drows
it at Goliah, and knocks him rite in de fore
head, and Tavid takes Goliah's sword and cuts
off his heat; and den all de purity Gals of de
shiddy comes out and shtrewed flowers in his
way, and sung, ." Saul is great man. for he
has kilt his thousands but Tayid is greater
as he, for he has kilt Goliah."
Court ScENEs.-A certain judge of one of
our courts was very punctilious in court ct
iquette, but dearly loved joke or witticism.
The nephew of the judge was foreman of
jury, man of great wit and humor, who
knew his uncle's love of wit, and also his rigid
ruling in court. The foreman was not pres
emit when the court came in, and the jury were
called but came in soon after. The judge,
, in very stern manner addressed his nephew:
Mr.. s., what excuse have you to
: give for keeping the court waiting"
He replied in his usual comical manner:
MAY it please your honor, oversight my
, self"
e The judge turning to the clerk of the court,
0 said:
e "Mr. Clerk, fine Mr.. S."
$ The foreman Immediately arose and said:
e "May it please your honor, never dreamed
e of that"
The Judge after short pause, showing by
$ the working of his countenance that he APP
b preciated and enjoyed the wit, turned again
u 10 the clerk, merely observing:
"Mr. Clerk, remit the fine, and call the
it next case"
g Mr. ARTEMUs WARD, the American show
y man, thus describes the constitution of his
u company of volunteers 81 am captain of the
. Baldinsyille company. l riz gradooally but
maiestically from drummer's secretary to my
IS present position. l determined to have my
} company composed exclusively of ofissers, ev-
erybody to rank as brigadier-general. As all
r, air cUnmandin oflissers, there amt no elusy
IT and as we air all exceedin' smart it faint
4 worth while to try to outstrip each other
* The.idee of a company composed exclusively
il of commanders-in-chef orrigernated | spose
s. l skursely need say, in this brane. Consid-
m cred as an idee, | fatter myself it's pooty
W hefty We've got the tackticks at our tongs
I'd end, but what we partckly excel in is in rest
in muskts We kin rest musllits with any.
of body. Our corpse will do its dooty. Well
lie be chopt into sassige meet before we'll exhibit
Of our coat-tails to the foe. Wen fight till
he there's nothn' left us but our little toes, and
10 even then they shall defantly wriggle."
to Nor BAD.-The citizens of small city ii
K Pennsylvania, being thrown into considerable
IN excitement by reason of the report that thu
H. rebels under Lee were advancing upon them
held a meeting for the purpose of organizing
. themselves into a regiment
During the organization of the regiment
! the question of arms, ammunition, &C., wa
being discussed, when an old gentleman, yer.
do much excited, and towering a head and should
y ers above the crowd, exclaimed in stentor
ian voice: care there not any cannons to de
III fend the city ?" Voice from the crowd, eyes
,o but they are not mounted" Old gentleman
why amt they mounted?" Voice from tn
by crowd, Because we have no carriages" OIL
na gent (still louder and more excited,) "The
where the devil are the buggies2"
raj QUEER EpITApH.-The following eptaph
to be found in graveyard at Baton Rouge
Louisiana:
no Here lies buried in this tomb,
A constant sufferer of salt rheum,
too Which finally in truth did pass
To spotted erysipeas
husband brave, father true,
Here he lies and so must you.
ute "BUBBY, why don't you go home and hay
you your mother sew up that hole in your trow
ers?" ooh, go along, old gal our folks al
' economizing; and a hole will last longer tina
mt a patch"
/ is A POLITICIAN was boasting in a publ
speech, that he could bring an argument
anu pint as quick as any other man. "You ca
bring-a.quart to pint good deal quicker,
anu replied an acquaintance. he.,sa
fear "PAT, do you love your country F'aH" Yc
a., yer honor" "What's the best thing abo'
ould Ireland, Pat?' "The whisky, yer hoi
8 or" "Ah, see, Pat, with all her faults, "
love her still" eaiee
ONE DAY a person pointed out man WI
ne" had-a profusion of rings on his fingers to
e to cooper. "Ah, MASTER" said the artisan, sit
. = sign of weakness when so many hoops a
used"
noer WHEN thou art at the greatest pine
not strength shall come When the last handi
of meal was dressing, then was the proph
'"0 sent to keep the Widows house.