Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1863-09-18
Is, 1868.
Artemus Ward to the Prince of Wakes.

Friend Wales You remember me. II
saw you in Canady a few years ago. 1 re-
member you, too. / seldim furgit a person..
/ hearn of your murrige to the Printcis
Alexandry, & ment to writ you congratoo-
latcry letter at the time, but I've bin bildin
barn this summer, and haint had no time
to write letters to folks. Excoos me. #5f
Numeris changes has tooken place since
we met in the body polite. The body poll
tic, in fact, is sick. sumtimes think il has
got biles, friend Wales.
In my country we've got war, while
your country, in conjunktion with Cap'n.
Sens of the Alabarmy, manetanes nootral
position. eaG7 yt
I'm fraid can't write goaks when 1 sit
about it. Oh, no, guess not
Yes, sir, we've got war, and the troo
patrit has to make sacrifsses, you bet.
/ have alreddy given two cousins to the
war, & stand reddy to sacrifiss my wites
brother ruihern not see the rebelyin krusht.
And if wuss Gums to wuss, I'll shed ev'ry
drop of blud my able-bodid relations has
got to prosekoot this war. think sum-
body oughter be prosekooted, and it may as
we'll be the war as anybody else. When
git goakin fit onto me it's no use to try
ter stop me-.
But all this is furrin to the purpuss of
this note, arter all. My objec in now ad-
dressing you is to give you some advice,
friend Wales, about managin' your wife,
bizness I've had over thirty years expert
ence IN.
As sed, manige my wife without any
particular trouble. When first commenst
trainin her institooted series of exper-
iments, and them as didn't work aban-
ding'd. You'd better do similer. Your wife
may obiecl1 to gittin' up and buildin' the
fire in the morning, but if you commence
with her at once you may be able to over
KUN this prejoodis. IIegret to obsarve that
| didn't commence arly enuff. | wouldn't
have you s'pose was ever kicked out of
bed. Not at all. / simply say in regard
to bidin' fires, that didn't commence arly
enuff. 1t was ruther cold mornin' when
fust proposed the idee TO Betsy. 1t
wasn't well received, and found myself
layin on the floor putty suddent, thought
I'd Git up and bid the fire myself.
It's best to give woman considibie lee
way. But not too much. A naber of mine,
Mr.. Roofus Minkins, was once very sick
with the fever, but his wife moved his bed
into the door-yard while she was cleanin'
house. | told Rootus this wasn't the thing,
specially as it was rainin' vi'lently but he
said he wanted TO give his wife "a little lee
wav." Tha; was mutch. / told Mrs.
Minkins that her Roofus would die if he
staid out there in the rain much longer
| when she said, :" 1t sha'nt be my fault if he
dies unprepared," at the same time tossin'
| him his mothers Bible. 1t was orful /
stood by however, and nussed him as wells
| could, but was putty wet-nuss, tell
| you.
There's varis ways of managin' a wife,
| friend Wales, tut the best and only safe
way is to let her do jest about as she wants
to. dopted that there plan sum time ago,
| and it works like charm.
Remember me kindly 10 Mrs. Wales, and
good luck to you both And as years roll
| by, and accidents begin to happen to you
among " hich | hope lhere'il be twins you
will agree with me that family joys air the
only ones man can bet on vi b any GER
tinty of winnin'.
1t may interest you to know that I'm
prosperin in pecoonery pint Of view.
make bout as much in the course of a year
as Cabinet ofiisser does, & understan
my bizniss good deal better than sum Of
'em do.
Respecks to ST. Gorge & the Dragon.
Z" Ever be happy"
A. WARD.