The Union and journal. [volume] (Biddeford, Me.) 1858-1882, 1863-10-09
VOLUME 10, NUMBER ~.
Artemus Ward to the Prince Of Wales.

Friend Wales: You remember me. I saw
you in Canady few years since. / remem.
Der you too. I seldom forgit q person.
I hearn OF your marriage to the Printcis
Alcxantry, & nient to writ you congratoo-
latory letter at tho time, but I've been bildin
barn this summer, & haint had no time to
write letters to folks. Excoos mo.
Numeris changes has tooken place since We
met in the body polite. The body polite,
in fack, is sick. sometimes think It has
got bilcs. friend Wales. .t.
In my country we've got war, while
your country, in conjunktion with Cap'n
Semes Of the Alabarmy, manetancs nootral
position. .,...
Yes, sir, we've got war, and tho troo
Patrit has to make sacriises, you bet.
have already given two cousins TO tho
war, & stand ready to sacrifse my wife's
brother rather'n not to SEQ tho rcbclyin
krusht. And If wus comes to wuss. I'll
shed every drop Of blud my able-bodid rcla.
tlons has got to prosekoot tho war. think
somcbudy oughter be prosekootcd, and 1t
may rs well bo the war as any body else.
You hcarn about the draft, friend Wales,
no doubt. Il caused sum squirming, but II
was fairly conducted. think, for 1t hit oil
classes. It is troo that Wendill Phillips,
who is an American citizen of African scent,
'scapcd, but 80 did Vallandiggum, who is
conservative, and who was recently sent South
tho he would have bccn sent to the Dry Tor
toougs if Abe had 'sposed for minnit that
the Tortoogusscs would keep him.
We hain't got any daily papcr in our
town, but we've got female sowing circle,
which answers the samc purpuss, and wo
wasn't long in suspents as to who was draft
cd.
One young man who was drawd claimed
to DO exemp because he was tho only son Of
widow'd mother who supported him. A
few able-bodid dead men was drafted, but
whether their heirs will have to pay hun
dred dollars peace for 'cm Is question for
Within, who pears to DO tinkerin up this
draft bizness right smart. hope ho makes
good wages.
But all this is furrin to tho purpuss OF
this nctc, artcr oil. Ny objcck in addrcssin
you is to give you sum advice, friend Wales.
about managin your wife, biznoss Two had
over thirty years experience in.
You hada good wcddin. The papers havo
o good deal to say about "yikins" in con-
ncxion Herewith. Not knowing what that
air, and 80 frankly tells you, my noblo
lord dook Of Sho throne, can't zackly say
whether we had 'em or not. We was both
very much Illustrated. But never enjoyed
myself better in my lifc.
Dowtless your supper was ahead OF ourn.
As regards eatin- 'ouSes, Baldinsyille was
allus shaky. But you can git good meal
in New York, &. cheap TO-. You can git
half inackril ut Delmonicos or Mr.. Mason
Dory's for six dollars, and billed pertaters
throwd in.
As sed, manage my vito without any
particular trouble. When FIRST commenst
trainin her, institooted series of expert
mcnts, but them rs didn't work abandon
cd. You'd better do similar. Your wifo
may objeck TO gittin up and bildin the fro
in tho mornin, but IL you commence with
her ut once you may be able to overcome
this prcjoodis. I regret to obsarye that
didn't commence arly enough. Iwouldn't
have you 'spose was kicked out of bed.
Not at all. / simply say in regard to bildin
fires, that didn't commence arly enuf. 1t
was ruther cold mornin when fust pro.
posed the idee to Betsy. 1t wasn't well
received, and found myself layin on tho
floor putty student. thought I'd git up
and bid the fro myself.
My wife Is SO years old, and has allus sus-
taincd good character. She's good
cook. Her mother lived to vener'ble ago,
and died while in the act of frying slap
jacks for the County Commissioners. And
may no rood hand pluk -four from her
toom.stun.
It's best to give woman considerable lee
way. But not too much. A naber OF mine,
Mr.. Rooius Mnkins, was once very sick with
the fever, but his wife moved his bed into
the door yard while she was cleanin house.
I told Roofus this wasn't the thing, special
ly US It was rainin vilently; but he said
he wanted TO give his wife "a little lec-
way" That was 2 much. told Mrs.
Minkins that her Roofus would die If no
staid out there in the rain much longer:
when she sed "it shan't be my fault IL ho
dies unpreparcd," at the samo time tossin
him his mothers bible. Il was orful
stood by, however, and nussed him as we'll
us could, but was q putty wet nuss, I tell
you. ti
There's varis ways OF managin wife,
friend Wales. but the best and only safo way
is to let her do jist about as she wants 10. I
'doptcd that orc plan rum time ago, and 1t
works like charm.
Remember mo kindly to Mrs. Wales, and
good luck to you both. And as years roll
by, and accidents begin to happen 10 you
among which hope thcrc'll bo twins--you
will agree with me that family joys mir tho
only ones man can bot on with any Ger.
tainty OF winnin.
IL may interest you 10 know that I'm
prosperin in pecoonery pint Of Wow.
make about rs much in tho coarse OF year
as cabinet oiIisser does, & understand my
bizness good deal better than sum oil EN-
do.
Respects to St. George & tho Dragon.