The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1863-02-04
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
MARRiAoABLE young ladies are right.
called waiting maids. .'''is'

''o ''S'
The girls dance around rich Young
man; disease around an old one.
SrRoNo passions are atremendous pow
er when curbed and governed by strong
er reason,
The grand essential Of happiness in
this life is something TO hope for and
something to love. w
A MARRIED editor rarely writes about
woman. He dares not try TO make her
his subject, since he is hers. &. ''3-
AN honest farmer writes to an agricul-
tural society, Scents, please put me down
on your list of cattle for bull.p E
WoRDswoRTH cautions young men
against "growing double" but the girls
think it is the best thing they can do.
PEOPLE always express great deal of
sympathy for women who are unhappily
married-but how about those who are
unhappiy single! ' p" .a'' '".
PUNcH notices wine newly advertis-
ed rs naked shorty. 1t will probably be
recommended to those who have no coats
10 their stomachs. ..........
A WESTERN paper says: at is only
twcntyione years since the first log-cabin
was erected in Burlington, Iowa, and it
now contains 1890 inhabitants" A
large cabin. aa
WHEN Hagin complained that the times
were so hard he could not keep his nose
above water, his wife told him il would
be above water more if he kept it above
whiskey less.
THE Duke dc Requelaure was one day
told that two ladies of the court had
quarreled and very much abused each
other. Have they called oach other
ugly Z" he asked. "No." "Very WE'LL"
said he, al can reconcile them."
WELL, l suppose you have been out
70 look at Texas; did you see anything
of our old friend Jim out thereg" ayes,
gone derangcd." Gone deranged how !
what does he dol real crazy!' Yes,
indeed, he doesn't know his own hogs
from his neighbors."
=" SAY, Phil, who is that pretty girl |
saw you walking with last Sunday r.
" Miss Hogges." Hogges! well, she
is 10 be pittied for having such a name"
" So / think, Tom," replied Phil; al
pittied her so much that offered her
mine, and she is going TO take it,"
AT Cincinnati, on license suit, one
of the witnesses, who had not tasted the
liquor, but saw others do it, testified that
he knew it was whiskey he saw them
drink, for he could tell il n mile off,
The counsel for the defence asked him if
he drank any of it. "Drank any of it 1?
Why, no! don't YOU see Pm aliye!"
"REFLEcr my BRETHREN" exhortol an
Irish priest, "that whosoever falls this
day in battle, will sup this night in Par
adise." The fight began, the ranks wa
vered, the priest took to his heels, when
soldier stopped him and reproachfully
referred TO the promised supper in Para
disc. "True, my son, true" said the
priest, "but | never eat supper"
A DELIcATELY written note was pick
cd up the other day, not far from W
street, running thus:
dearest -, your boots are inside
of the garden fence, under pile of truck.
Don't come any more. Tho old man
swears he will blow the top of your head
off. Your affectionate 4"
Under the circumstance, we'd advise
Dearest -" to let the boots rip.
AN Irishmar slipped up and came
down broadside" upon his back, on Sat
urday, which stilled his breathing min
ute or two. Recovering, he jumped up,
threw himself into n fighting attitude,
shook his fist at the ice as if he was about
10 take summary vengeance upon the
slippery substance, and then, with violent
gestures and threatening voice, exclaim-
ed: Faith, and yell sweat for this be-
fore uext June, sure"
A YOUNG lady tainted at a dinner the
other day because the servant brought a
roast pig on the table that showed its
bare legs. "What made you faint ?"
anxiousiy inquired her friends as soon as
she came too. "The nakedness of that
horrible 4uadrupod," sobbcd this bashful
piece of modesty. "Och, an bedad," ex-
claimed the servant who had brought in
the offensive pig " it wasn't naked at all.
l dressed it myself before brought it in,
sure"
LAST summer in the height of mosqui-
toe time, the little rascals practiced their
songs nightly to the annoyance Of every
one. While little girl, Ettie, then about
five years old, was being put to bed, her
mother said to her:
Elite, you must always be n good
girl, and then at night when you are
asleep, the angels will come and watch
around your bed."
"Ohl yes, ma, said Elite, I" | know
| heard them singing round my head last
L.. I.t .,.n