Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1863-09-19
NUMBER 2.
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

hadn't room for a dinner
Why does clock always look bashfal ?
Because j. keeps iis hands before its face.
1t is an extraordinary fact, that when
people come to what is called high words
they generally use the low language.
A handsome lady being asked if She
ever gave kiss, replied, mo bat quite
often have one stolen" ~
He was poetical chap who described
ladies' lips as the glowing gateway Of
beans, pork, sour'krout and potatoes
Who is Quartermaster? The man
who gives the poor soldier one quarter,
and keeps the rest himself.
"Union is not always strength" as the
sailor said when he saw the purser mix
his rum with water.
An old bachelors definition Of love. A
little signing, little crying, and good
deal Of lying.
! In spite of the exhortations Of all the
feminine orators, all women are more or
less addicted to their glass.
Why is a legislator m ost blasphemeus
man? Because he cannot take his seat
without an oath.
\ precociorls young man, blessed WITH
the name Of Isaac, says that ''if be is
drafted, Abraham will be Offering up
Isaac as q sacrifice
! A fellow who chopped off his hand the
other day, while chopping wood, sent to
the apothecary for a remedy for chopped
hands, >~.,
A pvilar being asked BY spindle.
shanked wag, if he had anv tin overalls,
answered, mo, but I have pair of can
die moulds that will jas. fit YOU"
1t is great law of Mature, that who.
ever shuts his heart to the sympathics Of
: humanity: shuts it a. the same time aga
inst the ingrcss Of all happy influences.
"l knew gal, so modest, Sam, dat she
ordered her beau out oh de house. What
for, Pompev?' "Because n conversa.
| ,ion on the suhiec' Oh de wcider, ho said
de wind had "shi,ed.2
In ancient DAYS the Treoopt was known,
"know thvse'f' Ia modern times it has
been suppIantei by TIE FAR more fashion:
able maxim, ''know thy ueighbor aud
every thing about him
Mrs Partington is Of opinion that Mt.
Vesuvius should take sar>arar;lla to cure
! it>eI! Of crnptions. The old lady thinks
it has been vomiting SO long nothing else
would stay on its stomach. :
At festival O. LAWYERS and editors. q
lawyer gave as his toast, The Elitor-ho
always obey the call Of the dovil.' An
l,litor responded. "Tha Editor aud the
Of the former, bot requires the original Of
the latter"
4 contirmeg bachelor saws the reason
why women 50 seldom s,ammer is because
they talk SO fast siam mering has no
chance 70 ge, in. People stutter because
they hesitate Fu. who ever knew q wo
man to hesitate about anything?
A schoo.boy On beng asked by his
teacher how be should Hog him, replied,
III ou please, should like to have il
upon the Italian system of penman<hip,
the heavy strokes upwards and the down
ones light.
| A thick headed squire being worsted by
Sidney Smith in an argument, took his
revende by exclaim'ng. "lt had son
who was an IDIOT. I would make him
parson." "Vety likely replied sydney,
but see your father was Of different
opinion.
! A mos. interesting sight to see, is that
Of "a young la4y with clips like roses"
and with teeth Of pearly whiteness," and
with checks tha. have stolen the deep
carna;on OF the dcath.ess rose" and with
her mouth full OF gingerbread
An Englishman said to DR.. Thompson,
gives England its manufacturing impor-
tance.' lhe Doctor replied, I'VE arc
not entirely destitute of coal, We have ono
small bed, called the coal bed Of Illinois,
which is larger than the whole OF Eng
! land. If you'll wait until we scoop il
! out, and then bring your Island over,
we'll drop i, in and annex you
Aaccdote Of Col. Morrison ".
r. Morrison, agent for the distribution Of
! the Democratic fund to the soldiers when
! here las, week. told me story which I
| think toe good to be lost
| He said that while upon a steamboat
upon the lower Mississippi, big, fat jolly
negro soldier was upon the deck OF tho
boa, standing guard. The boat landed At
Helena, or some one Of the towns near
there, when Il white soldier came On
! board, and seeing the negro in uniforms,
with m"sket, &C., he stepped back =
little, aud the following questions and
answers were propounded and replied
White soldier-"Heilo, darky, are you
| a soIeer p
Negro soldier-"Yeth, thar, Eth \
tholyer'
White soldier-"Look here. darkcy. is
your Colono! a niggerY'
Negro soldier--"No thar, he i,h'cnt a
Niger; ith yourn2'
1t see ms that no answer was made to
| ~