The Smoky Hill and Republican union. [volume] (Junction City, Kan.) 1861-1864, 1863-03-21
mr. BEscHER ON HIS OWN coUHTRYMKN

irrepressible" Yankee, and how to get
rid of him, We find in the Scottish Amer
icdn
There lies, between the St. Lawrence and
the Atlantic Ocean, little gore Of land, a
few hundred miles long and wide, which
seems to have been made up of the frag-
ments aud leavings, after the rest of the
continent was made. Its ribs stick out
beyond all covering; it has sand enough to
scopr all creation; there are no large rivers,
but there are many nimble little ones, that
seem to have been busy since the food, in
taking exercise over riffs and rocks. Its
indigenous productions are ice, Indians and
trees. Its wild fruits are whortleberries
and chestnuts. About the time that this
part of the continent was first explored, q
great plague had swept off a large portion
Of the Indians. Trading and commercial
adventurers had endeavored to effect set.
tlement in svsia.. The place seemed too
hard for Indianstnd rowing traders. This
tongue of land was set apart, apparently,
for a wilderness, and it had peculiar apti.
tudes for keeping men away from it. Its
summers were short, its winters long, its
rocks innumerable, its soil thin. Bounded
to the north by hyperborean cold, to the
east by endless forests, to the south by the
ocean only to the west was there an open
ing through which the people could make
their way out, should there ever be popu-
lation. To settle this cold, sterile and
sombre corner of the creation race of men
was raised up, called the Puritans. xatur-
alists tell US that every plant has its insect,
and every animal its parasite; so there must
be some sort of animal adapted to live on
these shores, and that animal was the Puri-
tan. The Puritan was not described by
Cuvier, or any naturalist. None of the
modern ethnozrapbers have given attention
to this class of beings. They have been
described 10 popular literature and in news
papers; and if we may not believe them,
what shall we believe? Taking our idea
from political speeches and newspapers, the
Puritan was hard, tough, gaunt creature,
utterly devoid of taste aud all the iCer
affections, but excessively endowed with a
holy combativeness. He was always to be
seen with his eyes earth-bound, and a sane.
timonious face whenever they were lifted
it was to find fault, or money, as the case
might be. He is supposed to regard all
men as wrong but himself his vocation is
to put all things right. Therefore be is the
moral thinker of the universe, and is for
mending rips in morals, and putting patches
upon conduct in general, making up the
Deficiencies he detects in providence and
creation. Like the sesbird, he is ever on
the wing, and never better pleased than in
a storm. This character infests the whole
Western Continent, and causes more dis
putes, controversies and excisements than
all the rest of the population put together.
No other parsonage could have lived in New
England, and nothing else could if he did.
lie was tougher than the stone, drier than
the sand, more obstinate than the seasons,
and, indeed, some naturalists tell US that
since the Puritans settled in New England
its climate has grown much milder; even
New England winters could not stand. the
eternal fault finding of the Puritans. As
long as this controversy between nature and
the Puritan was confined to New England,
men were patient. But within hundred
ysass we have seen great mischiefs intro
duced upon the rest Of the continent.
There is the Hessian fly that has robbed
millions on millions of dollars from the
wheat crop there are weevils, and blights,
and the curculio on trees; and then we
have the Canada thistle, the very Yankee
of botany-sharp, hungry, prolific, with q
million of seeds, and every seed sure to
sprout, growing ten times as fast when you
cut it up by the roots as when you let it
alone. Among all these none have been so
much deplored as the spread of the Yankee.
He is the plague of the continent; goes
everywhere; engages in everything; is
always and everywhere the same disputing,
meddling, reforming character he was in
England, and is in New England, and seems
likely to be until the end of the world.
Agitator in politics, disputant in theology,
fault-6nder In morals, pryine up peaceful
citizens houses to see if the underpinning
is safe-the vender Of gimcracks to every
housekeeper, he has always some new way
Of grinding, or screwing, or twisting, or
rolling, or churning, or knitting, or sewing,
or blowing to show. His ploughs and
washing machines would build the Chinese
wall. The Puritan Yankee has at last ex.
hausted the patience of the saints of the
plantations, and they have determined to
hunt him home to bis den," and TO shut
him up there all by himself. We would
suggest, therefore, that all the Yankee in-
ventions be collected, and wall be built Of
all the carts, ploughs, reapers, churns, sew
ing machines, clocks, stoves, and all the
| contrivances which the indefatigable Yankee
has invented, and that all the Yankee