The western Democrat. [volume] (Charlotte, N.C.) 1852-1870, 1863-08-18
BEWARE OF CROAKERS.

An eccentric physician once said, DIT is hard tc
tell bile from misery" Our word "melancholy, I,
derived from the Greek, means simply "black
bile" Check the functions of the liver, the sys,
TEN becomes aundiced, and the whole world looks
yellow The world has not changed, the eye has
But there is, so TO speak, liver Of the mind as
we'll as of the body, and the former is much more
easily deranged than the latter. When the ment-
al hepatic functions are disorderd hypochondra
ensues and the wisest of men becomes fool full
of despair plagde, pestilence and famine, war,
death and taxes mount him like so many night
Mares and run him at Gilpin speed through an i'll
terminable Slough Of Despond. His eye fickers
and droops, his nose acquires a permanent snivel,
his voice eroaks like tie voice OF an ancient bull
frog He is diseased as thoroughly as Job was,
only his boils and scabs are concealed from view
under his brain pan; and what is worse his disease
is both contagious and infectious. Let him but
ton-hole YOU for five minutes, and you are lost
Let him tell you his tale, ard you gone forever
His words have more poison in them than the sail
va of the lama Peru. You will intone like rain
crow The blackness of darkness will cover the
earth If you attemot to laugh, your face will
sput like a piece of warped Notwithstanding, or
chopped lip in winter, or a pegroS heel in sum-
mel time The sight Of Confederate money will
give you pain in the stomach. a jar fly on an
ASPEN limb will shock you like battery of artille
stiffness and appear to you as timber a cotton
cravat in August. The price of putty will be ap-
palling- The child of yours who dares to eat more
than one thin bacon rnd for dinner will be regard
ed by YOU as a murderer There will be weak
ness in your knees,-you will be water jointed and
slack twisted generally. It will occur to you that
the interest on Confederate bonds ought to be s
per cent. day. payable in gold. You will look
upon Mr. Memminger personal enemy and a
-. IL, u
clothes will l'become inefa5ly precious reading to
you. 1t will suggest itself to you that the duty of
wife in war times is either to take in washing
and support herself, or else to remain in bed and
limit herself to chicken scrag a"week The
length Of the war. and the age of Methuselah will
strike you as identicaly the same, There will be
great many sour grapes this year. Peach fuz
will you mao, and the plug out Of green wa
termelon will give you the dropsy. You WILL won
der why President Davis don't come and explain
things to you, and you will wish that he and his
Cabinet were hung with cow-itch vine. The
population of the North will be four billion
the population of the South will be- about three
hundred and eleven, mostly infants at the breast
All the grit in the Southern gizzard will turn into
weak ley; and every blade of grass, every leaf in
the forest, and every grain of sand will turn into
Yankee, armed with ten inch columbiad. You
will think it high time for Gabriel to blow his
horn. Finally, you will take to believing tele-
graphic dispatches and to borrowing newspapers
And then you will die.
Beware q croake Wig.