Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1862-05-10
Wortester Bully SPY.
From Punch.
n Probable IA Chronology.


1860. Mr. Armstrong of Newcastle upon.
Tyne, invents rified ordnance that will knock
any ship to pieces He is knighted and the
admiralty is benighted 1861. The admiral
ity RECEIVERS, and inyents ship that ressts
any known cannon ball. 1862 Sir. William
Armstrong lnvents gun that smashes the
ships into blaCksmithereenS. The admiralty
re-eXpands and invens platina ships fastened
with diamond cement, and Sir William Arm
strong's balls fly to pieces like bon bons. MIR.
Gladstone doubles the income tax. 1864 Sir
William Armstrong inven;s brazen thunder
bolts supposed to be the riginal Jupiters,
and in pleasing experiment sends the great
er part OF the British fleet to the bottom of the
sea 1860. The admiralty invents torpedo
vessels which sail under water, and below
any range OF guns. Sir William Armstrong
tears his hair and swears in the Newcastle di.
alect. 1866. Sir William Armstrong inyeuts
vertical gun that discharges Greek fire
straight down, and second time he DESTROYS
the greater part OF the British fleet The lords
OF the admiralty are about 10 hang themselves
when Il thought strikes them, and they don't.
MIR. Gladstone again doubles the income tax.
1867. DIR. Cumming, who has for some weeks
been having IN his Goals by the sack only,
suddenly proclaimS the Mile nnium. AS there
Is now to be peace everywhere the admiralty
NON' hOt cut d'lg tuiHS, Dul NdllS 10 see. In
order TO test DR.. Cummings veracity, and to
find out whether lions will lie down with kids.
the biological Society against the advice OF
their excellent secretary, MIR. Sclater) lei
loose their biggest lion while charity school
Is IN the gardens. AS the lion, instead of w.
ing dowa with kid, only lies down to digest
him, the admiralty thinks there is some mis-
take somewhere and determines to invent a
new fleet. Mr.. Gladstone once more doubles
the income tax. 1868 The admiralty in
vents stone fleet, with cork keeIs, and deies
Sir William Armstrong. 1863. Sir William
Armstrong inventS the Hannibal or alp-sheu
which contains the strongest vinegar, and
melts the stone ships. Having for tile third
time destroyed the British fleet he is raised to
the peerage as Lord Bomb. 1870. The admi.
ralIty invents an aerial fleet, which sails in
the clouds, out OF shot range, and the first
lord takes double sight at Sir William Arm
strong. MIR. Gladstone fourth time doubles
the income tax. 1871. Lord Bomb nvents A
balloon batterng tran and in an experiment
tai discharge, brings down all the British fleet
iuto the German Ocean. 1872. The admiral
lty III desperation, invents subterranean
fleet, which Is to be conveyed by tunnels to
all the colonies, but Mr.. Gladstone bIandly
suggests that, as everybody now pays twice
his income in taxes, the people may object to
further imposts unless some proof OF economy
is given. Government, therefore, stops the
pensions of 100 superaLnuated clerks, dis
charge some extra night p0r:ers at the treasu
ry, and bring in estimates for the subterranean
fleet. 1873 Lord Bomb invents his typhe.
Ons, or earthquake shells, and suffocates the
British fleet in the Tasmania Tunnel. Mr..
Gladstone fifth time doubles the income tax
1874. The emperor of the French proclaims
the Millennium, which of course Immediately
occurs; no more war ships are wanted, aud
the collectors remit the quarters income tax
not yet due. Lord Bomb invites his volcano
fireworks in honor OF the occasion, and by
some accident burns up the public