Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1862-04-17
Ghoite slistellamv.
SKATING A HUMBUG.
[rrom the New York Sunday Times,


There is quotation familiar to all school
boys where some old fellow Of pious mem
ory, on being requested by Queen Dido to
give an account Of his travels, replied
Thou oommaDdest me, 0 queen, to relate
the history of my woes' 1t is with feel
ings of the same description (only more sol
that address a discriminating public, in
the hope that my example will prove warn
ing to all similarly tempted. But few
days since some one published an article on
Skating as fine art" The man must
have been'insane. Skating, say, is a hum
bug and what say know by sad expe-
rience. Listen for moment and you will
agree with me.
Last spring, while walking with Araminta
through the sylvan shades of the Central
Park, that chsrming young female went in
| to ecstacies over what, in her ignorance,
she termed the elegance and gracefulness
of tho amusement of skating and after
avowing her determination to acquire its
mysteries during the coming winter, or go
down into an untimely grave, turned to me
and exclaimed in tone of melting sweet
ness: "And you, Mr.. Smith," Tiny name
is Smith) ''you will teach me, am sure /"
The voice, the glance, the pressure on my
arm which accompanied it, made my heart
go pit-a-pat, faster than pleased rabbit S
tail. Need ] say that l at once embraced
the proposal and as much Of the proposer
as | could, without attracting public atten-
toni On returning to the paternal roof it
suddenly struck me that had forgotten
one important thing in rashly making this
promise--I could not skate. Horror Af-
ter one moments reflection, seized my
hat and rushed to find Jones' l mot him
on Broadway, and collared him SO quickly
that every one looked around, and small
boy hallooed "Policel" instantly.
Jones" exclaimed, II have got to learr
how to skate right off. How is it to bt
done p
j "Let go my collar, Smith," was the re
ply of the somewhat irate Jones, land dom
get SO (somehow or other) excited. Yol
can learn easy enough, ifyou will buy a pai
of parlor skates" lr.l li.,.
Jones'" i returned, relinquishing hi
collar, as requested you're my preserver
what will you take p
Jones took something, arranged his col
lar, and we bought the best pair of parlo
!, skates money could procure. Full direc
: tions were given by the skateman. 'Onl
have your floor smooth and keep your skate
well creased, and you will go like bird !
was his encouraging remark, as he hande
! Creased /" "What do you grease ther
with I"
"Oil," he answered solemnly.
l bought half a gallon at once. Jone
gave me his advice, too. ALWAYS g
ahead, and if you don't get excited, yo
will do the outside edge backwardin week.
Outside edge backward |" l sale
| Hwhat'a that Y'
''This style,' answered Jones, standin
as he spoke, on his right leg, and twistin
himself as though trying to look at his rigf
cont tail under his left elbow. | stood @
my right leg and tried to catch q gimp,
Of ofmy right coat tail under my elbow, b.
e, not succeeding, remarked that II didn't 81
is it," Thereat Jones laughed as though
all had said good thing.
Next morning started very quietly dow
to the extension room, an hour and ha
before breakfast, to try to do the "outsi'
edge backward, as per instructions. Dov
! sat to put on my skates, but somehow Il
straps always got in snarl, and they didr
,r seem to 90 on. Indeed the breakfast b,
NJ rang just as got the first to fit, which p
stop. to skating for the present. Aft
breakfast / started up again. This time
only took me twenty minutes to get the
both on, of went--right, left, rigl
O left, according to the direction. in n
- Skater Manual, which had also D,
q chased but leaning too far forward, we
b down "kerchunk. looked at the boo
Ahl skaters must not lean too far forwar
a., Try it again. Right, left right ---I lea
rs rs cd too far backward this time. my he,
went up, my head went down bang--s
smashed the half gallon can | had boug
for to grease my skates, before knew VII
cE was to pay. The concussion was terrific
the windows ratified all over the house
stars danced before my eyes-and inste
OF one, fifty oil cans seemed to be scatter
J. around. ! was almost collapsed, but en-