The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1862-05-24
Pull Armstrong. Pull Admiralty.
From the London Punch.
A PROBABLE CHRONOLOGY.

| A PROBABLE CHRONoLGY.
| 1860. Mr.. Armstrong, of Newcastle
upon-Tyne, Invants rified ordinance tha
will knock any ship to pieces. lie j.
knighted and the Admiralty in benighted
1861. The Admiralty RECEIVERS, and
invents iron ships that resist any known
cannon-balls
1862 Sir Willrm Armstrong invents q
gun that smashes the iron ships into
bIacksmthereens. The Admiralty col
lapses.
1863. The Admiralty re-expands, and
invents platina ships fastened with dia
mond cement, and Sir William Armstrong s
balls fly to pieces like bon bons.
Mr. Gladston doubles the incom tax.
1864. Sir William Armstrong invents
brazen thunderbolts Supposed TO be the
original Jupiters), and in pleasing expert
ment sends the greater part Of the British
feet TO the bottom Of the sea
1865. The Admiralty invent, torpedo
vessels which sail under water, and below
any range of guns. Sir William Arm
strong tears his hair and swears in the
Newcastle dialect
1866 Sir William Armstrong invents a
vertical gun that discharges Greek fire
straight down, and a second time he des-
troys the CRATER part OF the British tieet.
The Lords of the Admiralty are about to
hang themselves. when a thought strikes
them, and they don't.
Mr.. Gladstone again doubles the In
come tax.
1867 Dr. Cumming, who has for some
weeks been having in his Goals by the
sack only, suddenly proclaims the miilen-
mum. As there is to be.peace everywhere,
the Admiralty does not invent anything,
but waits to see.
In order to test Dr. Cumming S veracity,
and to find out whether lions will lie down
with kids, the Geological Society against
the advise o:their excellent Secretary, Nr.
Sclater) let loose their biggest lion while
a charity school is in the Gardens AS
the lion, insteod of lying down with kid
only lies down to digest him, the Adm!ra.
lty thinks there is some mistake some
where, and determines to invent new
fleet.
Mr. Gladstone once more daubles the
income tax.
1868 The Admiralty invents stone
feet, with cork keeis, and deties Sir VIII
Ian Armstrong.
lo69. Sir William Armstrong invents
the Hannibal. or Alp shell, which contains
ships, Having for the third time destroy
ed the British fleet he is raised to the
peerageas Lord Bomb.
1870. The Admiralty invents an aerial
fleet, which sails IN the clouds, out of shot
range, and the first Lord takes a do uble
sight al Sir W iliiam Armstrong.
Mr. Gladstone fourth time doubles
the income tax.
ISL Lord Bomb inyents a balloon
battering train, and in an experimental
discharge brings down all the British fleet
into the German Ocean.
lS,2. The Admiralty, in desperation,
inven:s subterranean feet, which is to
be conveyed by tunnels TO all the colonies );
but Mr. Gladstone blandly suggests that,
as everybody now pays twice his income
IN taxes, the people may object to further
inposts unless some proof of economy Is
given.
Government therefore stop the pensions
of a hundred superannuated clerks, dis
charge some extra night-porters at the
Treasury. and bring IN estimates for the
subterranean feet
1873. Lord Bomb invents his typhaons,
or earthquake shells, and suffocates the
British fleet in the Tasmania Tunnel
Mr. Gladstone a fifth time doubles the
income tax.
1874 The Emperor of the French pro
claims the millennium, which of course
Immediately occurs, no more war ships
are wanted, and the collectors remit the
quarters income tax not yet due Lord
Bomb invents his volcanic works in
honor of the occasion, and by some acci.
dent burns up the public.