The Lansing state Republican. [volume] (Lansing, Mich.) 1855-1874, 1862-04-09


Editor T. T.-Sunshine has ss lass resuued
specie psyment ny boy, and every man thas
chooses can walk under golden beams once
more. The sacred soil 10 drying up - rapidly a.
an old maid after forty-two, and boot blacks be.
gin to quote at high figures. The General of
the hsckerel brigade is 90 blissful ct having Q
polish on his boots oIse more, that he puts them
on the mantsl piece every time he enters Q rocm,
and treads On all the toes be can 6nd in the
street The latter operation, my boy, has pre-
duced much profanity, especially among the
chspains.
Speaking Of chaplains, reminds me of q rev.
erend veteran Who attended to the soul Of Cap
tain Bob Shorty, Yesterday, and found Il ie .
high state Of Preservation. Captain Bob Shorty
rashly over estimated his power Of endurance,
and undertook to read TremOuts defence
When he got 10 the twenty.frst column he was
seized with vertigo, and only recovered TO 6ad
himself taking the measure Of beadetead, with
= chaplain standing by him.
"My friend" says the psr.on, ~ consider it
my duty to tell you that you are Q very sick
man, and take this opportunity to remind you
! Of your latter end"
Captain Bob Shorty scratched his head, and
ss.s tie: - Am bound for the kingdou!"
"YOu may recover" says the chaplain, but
now is the time TO settle your worldly Affairs if
you don't. Think of your wife and progeny"
MY wife," says Captain Bob Shorty, hys-
lelically. 'Ah! there's q women for you !"
is she a worthy help-nater" says the chap.
lain
"why," save Captain Bob Shorty, "she's
mate and captain both in my ship. She's frugal"
Gays Captain Bob shorty" she's asniAble,
shes neat aud she's only got one fault in the
world"
All" says the chaplain, 'only one fault!
Then she must be an uncommon woman"
Yes, says Captain Bob Shorty, drearnily,
my ~ites only got one fault in the World
she likes another chap better than she does
me-"
At this junc,ure, my boy, the chaplain was
seized with severe cough tut q soon - he
recovered he assumed . very grave expression,
and says he:
My fiiend, let me bvseech you 70 forget
worldly things Tor moment, aud think OF some
| thing mere needful"
"Drive On" saws Captain Bob Shorty.
The Chaplain gave grievOus snif. aud says
be: is there not something above all created
things that You feel in need OF now! Ssppo.s,
| MY friend, that you we're out at Sea in q eIrb.s
storm. with the thunder rosring, the lightning
flashing, ond the rain falling in torrents al
around you, what would you do " make your
| Self peaceful :"
you say the rain was falling in torrents!"
says Captain Bob Shorty.
Yes, veIily, ;" says the chaplain
81 think" ssys Captain Bob Shorty, reaec.
tive ely-" think should call for an umbrell.
and something hot"
Upon hearing this beautiful answer, my boy,
the chaplain buried bis face in his hands.
$50 should !, ne murmured, 80 should l."
Depend upon il my boy, there 10 . bOad si
sympathy between all men, that no difference Of
education or circumstances can sever; an6 when
come nice touch Of nature causes il TO eontrsct,
it seldom fails to bring men together On the con-
mon platform Of wAiskey hot.
Il would afford NE great pleasure, ny boy, -
report great victory for our cause in Virginia,
but NO such result is yet Visible to the eye In .
state Of nudity.
! The gunooats to 6re.k the rebel blockade
! haxs sro-,.H .- .L D----
| Some months ago, my boy, the General gave
| al order 10 an Eastern contractor for couple
of peculiarly made gun boats for this service !;
but happening to pass the White House shortly
after, saw what he took to be the models Of two
just such guubOats prstruding out Of one Of the
windows. Thinking that the President had cen
cluded to attend to the matter himself, he imne-
diately telegraphed to the contractor net to 30
on with the job.
Quite recently the contractor came here
again. and says he to the General:
"Td like to see the models Of those White
gunboats."
| The General conducted him toward the W bite
House, my boy, and the two stood admirng the
models, which prouuded from the window as
usual.
Pretty soon a Western Congressman came
along, aud says the contractor to him: " Csn
you tell me. sir, whether those models Of gar
boats up there are on exhibitionf"
"Gunboats! says the Western chap. looking
up. do you take those thisgs for gunbeats =
, "Of course" says the contractor.
"Why you durned fool?" says the Congress
man, "thoss are the Presidents boots. Th'
President al~ays sits with his feet out OF tn
window when hes At home. aud those are th'
ends OF his boots"
Witeout another word. my boy, the genera
and the contractor turned goomiIy from the spot
convinced that they had witnessed the most Ter
rife feet of the campaign.
Yours, sedstely,
ORPHEUS c. KERR.