Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1862-12-24
The Electlons-The Presidents Sto-
ryLThe Mackerel Brigade.

York, my boy. has electrified eyerybodl
4, except our Honest Abe, who still goe
about smiling, like long and amiabl,
sexton, and continues to save our distrac
ted country after the manner of an hon
est man. On Tuesday night, high NOR
al. Democratic chap, of much watch-seal
who had jsst received dispatch all abou
the election. went to see the Honest Abe
for the express purpose of telling hin
I that the Democratic party had been borI
again, 'ud was on the point of protesting
against as inst everything whatsoever
except the Constitution Of our forefathers
He found the Honest Abe cracking some
walnuts before the fire, my boy, and says
I he: --.....
"The celebrated Democratic organiza-
tion, OF which l am assistant engineer.
has carried the State New York in man
ner impossible to express, and will now
proceed TO demand of you a vigorous
prosecution of that unnatural strife in
which ere involved our lives, our liberties,
and the pursuit of happiness We admire
to see your harmless honesty saws the
chap, blandly, "and we believe you to be
fresh egg but We protest against .the
arbitrary arrest of men which Is patriots,
NOhoNAfNtAhCAl ASChAOCAdlACs anu &c
iSsist upon a vigorous prosecution of con-
stitutional hostilities against our mis-
guided brothers who are now offering ir-
regular opposition TO the Government y
The Honest Abe cracked walnut. and
says he: s.-..-. .....f.t -.
You say, neighbor, that the organiza-
ton still insists upon a vigorous prosecu-
ton of the WARP ''T--' 1
The Democratic chap sliced toothpick
from the arm of the chair with his knife,
and says he:
That's the present platform on which
we are E pI1riJ1s mum"
We'll" says the Honest Abe, i be-
ieye that you mean we'll; but am re-
minded of little story.
when was practicing law out in Hi
nois," says the Honest Abe, twisting the
bow of his neektie around from under
his left ear, .'there was an old cock, with
two sons, living near me III a tumble-down
old shanty He lived there until half his
roof blew off one windy night, and then
he concluded to move to new house,
where the chimney didn't take up all the
upper story. On the day when he moved,
he'd got most all of his traps changed to
the other residence, and had sent one Of
his sons to see that they were all got safe
ly in doors when suddenly a shower COM
menced to come up. The old man and
his other offspring, who had stayed to-
hurry him, were taking up a carpet from
the floor at the time the first dose of thun-
der cracked, and the offspring says he,
Hurry up, old crazy bones, or wen be
ketched in the freshet before you can get
up this here rich fabric The stern pa
rent needed the admonition, and went
ripping away the carpet around the edges
of the room until he came near where the
was standing. and there it stuck.
He pulled, but it wouldn't come, and he
says, says he, Pears to me that dod-rOt-
ted tack must be a tenpenny nail it holds
on so.' You see the old screw was very
blind without his specs" says the Honest
Abe, buttoning his vest askew, ''and he |
couldn't see just where the tack was
Another peal of thunder at this moment |
made the irascible offspring still madden,
and he says, says he, You misibul old |
cripple, if YOU don't hurry up well be
ketched, tell youp As he made this
1utiful remark he went stamping to the
and at the same moment the
tack came out, and the aged /
parent went over on his back with the
carpet up to his chin. He got up and
luSted, and says he:-sWell, now that Is
sudden it went Then he
to rip away again, until he
anne near the window, and there it stuck
,nce more. The wild offspring saw him
juggling again, and it made him so wrathy
hat he said. says he, Why in thunder
lidn't you take out the nails, you crooked
Id sinner you? It's enough to make me
feep afresh for the old woman to see
ou-' But he didn't finish his obserya-
ion for, as he walked toward where the
!ammer lay the old 'un went to bed again
.nder the carP9t. Up sprang the sad pa
ent, splitting rags, and he says, Says he:
Well, now, how cur'ous-tO think it
hould come so suddentp Still on he /
rent, until the carpet was all up around
he edges; but when he tried to drag it
way on his shoulder, it was fast some
there vet. R-r-rum-bum-bo
rent the thunder; and says the infuria-
ed offspring. says he: We'll, | never did
ee such a laundering old dad as you be.
yell be ketched in the rain as sure as
and all because you didn't ,
axe my advice about the hammer in the :
rst place. The poor old 'un tugged and /
ulled and painted, and says he: We'll, ;
hat IS curious, swun to massy. There :
ant be no tacks way out in the middle !
the floor here, can they? To make (.
are, old blind pate was going down on !
is knees to take mouse-eye view, when !
Il of sudden he gave q start, and he !
Avs, says he: Why, pears to me, Sam T
w you' re StaHdin' on hs carpet yOarself!-l
i I. l.. -
IonesS Abe, smiling into the FIRE, ''and !.
nat was the reason why the carpet had !
uck fast i'll so many places" :
Now" says the Honest Abe. poking !
ne Democratic chap in the ribs with his .
nuckles, IF your organization wants ME
} move vigorously in this war, tell them J
OF to be standing on my carpet all the :
me. Otherwise, | must still keep tack ,
~ about" ,
On the same Tuesday, my boy, there :
as a small election in town Just this :
de of Accomac, and | went down there
arly in the morning, to the Office of an
Ncellent independent evening journal,
lat might see the returns as soon as
ley came in. The editor was talking to
70 chaps Republican and Democrat :
and says he: I
The organ which my human talents r
eeps going is strictly independent, and G
have no choice of candidates. J care I
lly for my country, one and individual" Z
ys the editor, touchingly, and, ''and can v
AXE no arbitrary discrimination between a
ere parties; but as you both advertise D
our tickets in my moral journal, a sense 5
duty may INDUCE me to favor the side h
hose advertisement weighs the most" 4
After this genuine insinuation, my boy, o
Ieh chap hastily commenced to write his h
lvertisement The Republican inscrib- a
his upon a very heavy piece of brown b
to make it weighty: but h
Ie Democrat selected plain bit of fools n
p, only putting in hundred treasury b
1te to keep it from blotting. !,
When the editor came to look at the a
70, he coughed slightly, and says he: Il =
i've always been a Democrat" a
''But my advertisement certainly n
eighs the most" says the Republican n
zap, hOtly q