The Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1859-1865, 1862-09-04

| l. am Uhprepareu 10 SPEAK, tHcte ID oho
thing I will say. If anything goes wrong
in this war, nobody is to blame, as [ alone
am responsible. Bless you, my children. "
AS the idol of the populace finished
these remarks, and resumed his tumblcr
and fan, there Was but one sentiment IN
the whole of that vast assemblage, and a
democratic chap Immediately went and
telegraphed TO Syracuse that the prospects
| for "a Democratic President In 1868 were
beautiful.
The meeting might have lasted another
week, my boy, thereby rendering the
| Union cause utterly invincible, but for
the imprudence OF an insane chap, who
proposed that some of the young men
! present should enlist This malapropos
and sineularly inconsistent suggestion
broke up the assemblage in disorder-vo-
unteering being just what no one thought
of doing. Greatly edited and encouraged
by what | had heard my boy, made all
| haste for Paris, where | found the Mack
! eral Brigade aud Commodore Heads feet
in great excitement over the case of an
! Irish gentleman who believed this to be
! a white mans war, and had started for
| Parish Just fourteen minutes after landlng z
| in this country, for the express purpose
Of protesting against any labor being per-
formed by negroes, while there were white
| men to do it. Colonel Wobert Wobinson.
of the Anatomical Cavalry, quieted him
by saying that, although number of
negroes were then engaged in digging
trenches, a new line of holes in far more
unhealthy place would be commenced in
the morning, and chat none but Irishnen
should be permitted to dig them.
On the night previous to my arrival,
my boy, while all the Mackerels were
watching the stars with a view to prevent
any surprise from that quarter, the South
ern Contederacy Cd the other side of Duck
Lake trained four large fowling- pieces
upon their peaceful camp from behind a
wood pile, and commenced ferocious ear
splitting bonn bardment. 1t was some
hours before our men could be got into
position to return the fire, as Captain Bob
Shorty had forgotten where they had put
the Orange County Howitzers when last
| using them. The feet, too, was some.
what delayed in getting into action, as
Commodore Head experienced some diff
Guilty in unlocking the box into which he
always puts his spectacles and slow match
before retiring at night. Finally, howcv-
er, the howitzcrs were discovered behind
some boards, and the sPectables and slow
match were forthcoming, and our troops
were pouring q hot fire across Duck Lake
before the Confederacy had got more than
two-thifds of the way back to Richmond.
Next morning, my boy, the Comic Section
| crossed the Lake and chased away every
thing on the opposite shore except the
| before mentioned wooC-pile.
| Having crossed the treacherous clement
| to view the immediate scenes of these pro-
ceedings, and learned from Capt. William
| Brown that our pickets were within ten
miles Of the Confederacys Capital, | was
| about to make some remark, when a mes
senger came riding forward in ;l great per-
spiration, and says he:
''Our pickeis have been driven in
| ala :" says William sis the Contederacy
again advancing upon the United States
| Of America 20
"Our pickets,'' says the messenger, i'm
| pressively, "have been driven in; they have
/ been driven into Richmond"
! "Ah - says William, pleasantly, "then
send out some mere pickets"
! L Stio4ttu away liOiii the pdIl, MY OOy,
rejecting upon the possibility of enough
MacSeral pickets reaching Richmond in
this way to make the Union sentiment
! stronger than ever.
When very near this city, on my return
home met a chap who was on his way
to lawyers to get his exemption from
the draft duly filed.
''See here, my patriotic invalid" says L
skeptically, chow do you come to be
exempt 2"
81 am exempt" says he, in profound
! ly melancholy manner, because l am
| suffering from broken heat"
"Hern,' says |.
"It's true says he shifting dismally
II asked the female love to haze me
She said had not enough postage stamps
to suit her ideas of personal revenue, and
she didn't care to do my washing. That
was enough; my heart is broken, and |
am not an able-bodied man"
Drafting, my boy, is OF nature to de-
velop the seeds Of disease in the hither q
healthy human system, seeds which, il
suffered to tructity, will be likely to u!ti-
mate in what gentlemen of burgIarous
accomplishments would chastely aud bo-
tanically denominate a very large sized
"plant." Yours, seriously,
| ORPHEUs q. KERR.
ESc Charles Dickens il fiftv vears of s1e