The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1862-02-13
VARIET Y.

Practice COWS from principle; for as a thinks.
30 he will act
good man is kinder to his enemy than bad men
are TO their friends.
He who puts n bad construction upon q good act,
reveals his own wickedness at heart
Every heart has q secret drawer, the spring Of
which is only known to the owner.
Happiness grows at 6resides, and is not to
be picked in the strangers gardens
The pleasantest things in the world pleasant
thoughts; and the greatest art in life is TO have
many Of them as possible
SCOTCH CASSIBsL--A lady advertises in a Glas-
gov paper that she wants n gentleman :" for break
fast aud tea"
CocKSEy WAITER" Am, sir? Yes sir Don't
take anything with your am, do you, sir,'' Gen.
tleman I" Yes, do; | take the letter II !"
"Id just like to see you,' rs the blind man said
to the policeman, when he told him he would take
him the station-house il he did not move
Learning. it is said. may be m instrument Of
Of n cannon, be an instrument of death. Each may
be equally effective for evil.
A great man commonly dsappoints those who visit
him. They the look out for his laundering
and lightning, and he speaks about common things
much like other people; nay, sometimes he may
be seen laughing.
A student went into book-shop and inquired Of
the proprietor II he had any pocket Testaments in
Greek. :" In Greek ?" echoed our good friend, hes-
ta,ingiy; believe not. sir. but have lot Of ele
CANT IN morocco"
CHIp's THoUGHT-A little girl one night
under the starry sky. in,ently mediating upon the
glories Of the heavens At last, looking up the
sky she said; Father I have been thinking IL the
wrong siie Of heaven is beautiful what will the
right side be,''
IL is in bad taste sneer at n mans antecedents
The new made Lord. who was tainted by n brother
Peer with being the of n butcher, scorchingly
replied. +" IL IL true; my father n butcher, and
am a Peer Of England- But IL that noble Lords
father had been n butcher, he trould hare been q
butcher too
A man Who is very rich now, was very poor when
he n boy. When asked how he got his riches. be
replied "a My father taught me never to play till
Iny work was finished. aud never to spend my money
until had earned il. IL had but one hours work
in n day, l must do that the first thing. and in an
hour. Snd after this allowed play; and then
could play with much more pleasure than if had
the thought of an unfinished task before my mind.
early formed the habit of doing everything in time,
and il became perfectly easy to do 1t is TO this
that owe my prosperity
TnE PEACEFUL FRUrrs OF PAIx-There are lessons
OF patience aud submission, yea, and Of gratitude,
which are best learned when the head is low. There
Is n mellowing Of the man, which is the cloudy u
tumn weather OF weakness Decline softening of
the spirit, an enlargement Of experience. q meeker
waiting God. weaving from the world, and n
ripening OF faith; in short, the whole Of that
ing process which. in believing men, constitutes the
meetness for glory. IL you cannot be thankful for
the PAIN the sickness the restraint, be thankful for
the peaceful fruits.
SMALL DIFTERExcE-At n trial in the western part
of the State, short time since. after the rendition of
the verdict, the defeated party broke out in TRADE
Of abuse against the pres ing officer and said he
could purchase up twenty such courts with q peck
of beams He was Immediately summoned to answer
for contempt Of Court, aId being told he must |
take back the offensive language or be committed he
chose the former alternative, and took il back, in
the following manner:
Your Honor, acknowledge that said I could |
purchase up twenty such courts with peck of beans
I take it back; but if had said half bushe, |
il o dOOmsday-'
SPEECH A worthy gentleman. major -, was
placed in charge of the Peniten.ary in the Dis
trct of Columbia He accordingly had the inmates |
paraded in the yard, and, with a graceful gesture,
commenced speech to them as follows:
Gentleman-hem Fellow ctIzens-hem Con-
victs, [ have been appointed by the President Of
the United States, Warden Of this Penitentary.
Now, I wish to say TO you that il is my design to
have everything conducted here in the most orderly
manner; and I would like TO be understood that the
first rascal of you that makes fuss. shall be kicked
out Of the establishment"
A MODEL WILL-The following is 3 copy OF a
Will left by a who chose to be his own lawyer:
' This, the last will and testament Of me, John
Thomas; give all my things to my relatioLs; to be
divided among them the best way they can. N b.
If anybody kicks up a row, makes any fuss
about it, he isn't to have anything Signed by me,
JOHN THOMAS.