Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1862-04-30
Murcester @aiIp Spp.
Correspondence Of the N. Z. Sunday Mercury
Women and the War.
BY oRPHEUs G. KERR

OF real happiness to the sterner sex. There s
chap in the Mackere Brigade who got very
melancholy one day after receiving letter
from nome, wherein he was affectionately
called "a unnatural and vicious creetur," for
not sending his better half new dress and
some hair pins. Seeing his affection, and di
Vlnlng Its cause, another Mackerel stepped up
to him, and says he
is 1t the old woman which is on tare 90
The married chap groaned, and says he
She's mad as hornet do believe" says
the married chap, turning very pale, "that
she'll take away my night key, and teach my
babes to call me the Old File"
"Well," says the comforting Mackerel,
''then why did you get married1 Why didn't
you stay single bachelor like me. and eniov
the pursuit of happiness in the fire depart
ment 2"
Happiness p said the married chan, "wbv
twas expressly to enjoy happiness that /
welded. Step this way" says the married
chap with horrible smile, leading his con
soler aside, "ain't the women of America NOR.
tai 2"
YES" says the Mackerel, thoughtfully.
And don't they de!"
yes" says the Mackerel. "That is 10 say -
added the Mackerel, contemplatively, "they
sometimes die when there's new and expen-
sive tombstones in fashion,"
'Peter Perkins" says the married chap,
with smile of wild bliss, 81 wouldn't miss
the happiness l shall feel when my angel re-
turns to her native hevings, for the sake of
being twenty bachelors. No." says the mar
red chap, clutching his bosom, 1--WE lived on
the thought of that air bliss ever since the
morning my female perdner threw my box of
l0ns-sixes out of the window, and brought in
the police because | brought a valuable tar
rier home with me-" Here the married chan
uncorked his canteen, and eyed it With speech.
less fury.
Tears came to the eyes of the unwomanlike
Mackerel; he extended his hand, and SAYS
he -
"Say no more, Bobby-say no more. II
you amt got the correck idea of heaven
there's no such place ON the map"
give you this touching conversation be-
tween two of natures noblemen, my boy,
that you may appreciate that beautiful dispen
sation of Providence which endows women
with the slighter faiings OF humanity, yet
gives her the power to brighten the mind of
Inferior man with glorious visions Of joy be-
yOnd the grave.
My arm has been strengthened in this war,
my boy, by the inspiration of woman's cour.
age, and aided by her almost miraculous fore
sight. Only yesterday, a fair girl of forty.
three summers, thoughtfully sent me box,
containing two gross of assorted fish hooks,
three cook. books, one dozen of Tubbses best
spool-cotton, three door.pIates, package of
patent ge' anium roots, two yards of Brussels
carpet, Rumford's Illustrated work on Per-
petual Intoxication, ten bottles of furniture
polish, and some wall paper. Accompanying
those articles so valuable to a soldier on the
march, was a note, in which the kind hearted
girl said that the things were Intended for our
sick and wounded troops, and were the vol
untary tributes of loyal and dreamy souled
woman. tried dose of the furniture. polish,
my boy, on a chap that had measles, and he
has felt so much like sofa ever since, that a
coroner's jury will sit on him tomorrow.
The remainder of this susceptible young
creatures note, my boy, was calculated to
move a heart OF stone. She asked if it hurt
much to be killed. and said she should think
the president might sue jeff. Davis, or COM
init habeas corpus or some other ridiculous
thing, to stop this dreadful, spirit agonzing
war. She said that her deepest heart-throbs
and dream-yearnings were for the crimson
consecrated Union, and that she had lavished
her most narrowing hope sobs for it's heaven
triumph. She said she had friend named
Smith, i'll the army, and wished | could find
him out, and tell him that the human heart
though repining at the absence of the beloved
object, may be coldly proud as scornful stat
ute to the strangers eye, but pines like soul
murdered water-liy on the lovely stream of
its twilight brOOdng contemplations.
Anxious TO oblige her, my boy, asked the
general Of the Mackerel Brigade if lie knew
soldier of the name of Smith.
The general thoughtawhile, and says he -
mot one. There are many of the name of
Ss-mith, says the general, screening his eyes
from the sun with bottle, "and the Smy thes
are numerous but the Smiths all died as
soon as the Prince of Wales came to this
country"
This is an age of great aristocracy, my boy,
and the name of Smith is confined to tomb.
stones. l once knew chap named Hobbs,
who made knobs, and had a partner named
Dobbs; and he never could get married until
he changed his title for hat sensitive and
delicately female would marry man
whose business card read, "Try Hobbs &
Dobbs' Knobs?" Finally, he called himself
DeHobbs, and welded Miss Podger-pro-
nounced Pogshay. After that, he cut his part
ner, ordered his friends to cease calling him
Jack, and in compliance with the wishes OF
his wteS family, got out business card like
this Jacques de Hobbs, try his doorper-
suaders."
But to return 10 the women of America.
There was one of them come out to our camp
not along ago, my boy, with six Saratoga
trunks full of moral reading for our troops.
She was distributing the cheerful works
among the veterans, when she happened to
come across private Jinks, who had just got
his ratons, and was swearing audibly at the
collection of wild beasts he had found in one
of his biscuits.
"YOung man" says she in Il vinegar man
ner, ''do you want to be damned 2"
Private Jinks reflected moment, and says
he, Greatly, mem, don't know enough about
horses to say"
The literary agent was greatly shocked, but
recovered in time TO hand the warrior a small
book, and told him to read it and be saved
1t was a small and enlivening volume, my
boy, written by missionary lately served up
for breakfast by the emperor of GlOrygooia,
and entitled "The Fire That Never is Quench
ed"
Jinks looked at the book, and says he
"What district is that fire in :"
The daughter OF the republic bit off small
piece of cough candy, and says she, "lts down
below, young man, where you bid fair to CO."
"And will it never be put oun" says private
Jinks.
The deeply affected crinoline shook her
head until all her curls ratified and says she,
"No, young man it will burn and burn, young
man"
"Then Tn safe enoughW says private
Jinks, slapping his knee, "fOr Pm a member
OF Forty Hose, and if that air fire is to keep
burning, they'll have TO have paid fire de
partment down there and shut us fellows out
The daughter of the republic instantly LEFT
him, my boy and when next saw her, she
was arguing with one of the chaplains, who
pretended to believe that fremen sometimes
went to heaven.
Woman, my boy, is an angel in disguise
nd In Had -. Al IL