The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-31
A. Ward in Cliicaco.

~. w ara III ClllCaGO.
From the Chicago Tires.
Mr. Charles F. Browne, better know
! perhaps as Artemus Ward. succeeded
drawing out to his lecture at Bryan Ha
the largest audience of the season.
or the lecture itself we present car
full synopsis. While it abounded in til
most happy hits at popular follies, and wa
on the W hole n sarcastic tilt at the errors ,
modern fashion, it was Enthusiastically ".l
Ward" BY this We mean that one of it
chief points Of excellence was its stric
adherence to humor The lecturer did nc
forget the fact that he gained his reputato
>"lely as a humorist, and 50 he held hi
hearers, provoking their laughter and bath
lug the whole auditory in smiles. Hi
subject was really Sixty Minutes in Afr
a. yet only small portion of the lectur
was devoted to the fatherand of the ns
groes. -.- r.~..
Remarking that he had attempted sigt
huriesque upon lecturers in general, he re
minded his audience that they had no
come there with any great expectations
Certainly they did not expect anythin
particularly profound from him. And ye
he might now and then, in his own peculia
way, send an effectual blow right betwee,
'he eyes of some popular folly, and, in tn
cheerful language of the prize ring, driy
it bleeding to the ropes Sometimes tn
fool, with his cap and bells, deal, error it
iead!iest blows. That was something
add II the Snowman.
What, then, should he lecture upon 2
That was the question. He could no
write any such lecture as the Hon. Edwar'
Everett can. and, between his hearers an,
himself, he didn't believe the Hon. Edwar,
Ev' rett could wife any such lecture as h
could. The Rev Artcmus Ward Beechc
couldn't, either. A great many subject
presented themselves, but, on looking then
minutely over, he saw they would not d
fer him.
Astronomy had suggested itself "Can
didly, however, ! was not competent t
speak lucidly ON the subject Of astronomy
If | had been, could have told you of III
stars and things, and described goot
many very ornamental consultations. Tn
most interesting of these just now is tn
Southern Cross, which is supposed to be
muatto.
With desire to benefit the young b,
holding up before them the infamous caree
of notorious thief, he had thought of lee
turing on John B. Floyd, who, when a mer
boy, stole his grandmother knitting nee
dies and sold them for old steel; who, wheI
in Washington. stole everything he coul,
lay his hands upon, and would have stolrl
Mr.. Buchanan'S character If that venerable
statesman had had any such thing abou
him at the time Mr.. Floyd was there. "Bur
on reflection" said the lecturer, lit occur
red to me that We had just as vile thieve
here at the North, who claim to be intensely
interested in the welfare of the Star Span
glei Banner, and yet, unless they are closel,
watched, they would steal every rag o
clothing the Goddess of Liberty has in th
world, and Charge the American eagle ),
cents night for a roosting place. Steal
Tney would steal postage stamps from ,
dead negro's eyes. Procrastnatiou is tn,
thief of time; but give these army swind
lers chance, and they rill steal procrasti
nation.
The Army and Navy forever! Tha
was good subject. SO far as the navy i
concerned we know it is composed of goot
men and true: who have achieved victo
rles in this sad war which will cndear then
to their countryMen. We do sometime.
wish, however, that the sec of Secretar,
WelleS was more clearly estanlishrd.
What OF the armyy Why, it is a mag
nl1lcent army, composed Of men of
-"As tried a courage
A. ever walked up to the roaring throats
VI a deep-ranged artillery, and plantsd.
',lid-t ti"e and ,mok- upon eneuy's wall
The standard OF their country
But the army was too big subject for me
| felt that | could not handle the army ana
[ sil0u1I like 10 see tie nun wto cua -
There was a subject-an entirely new
and original hject-slavery, aud he had
1T one time thought of sp aking upon sla
very. Tic had often wondered why ou,
lecturers AMI newspapers did not make an
occasional alluSion to slavery. If, for in.
stance, some gentleman in Congress would
rise in his place and say few words about
slavery, he should not only regard him a-
A public bcnetactor, but should say he
possessed very original mind
Therefore he was forced so abandon all
idea OF lecturirg upon any Of the foregoins
subjects, an so | concluded to speak on
Africa. True, know but little of Africa,
but according to the standard recently es.
tabshcd in this country, that fact only
makes me more competent 20 speak upon
the subject | have selected. According to
this standard | am liable at any moment to
be dragged from the bosom of my boarding
house and made a Brigatiiyr General.
Africa is on the map, although some
people don't see it Africa is a remarka
BE country. The inhabitants as a general
b NJ are dark complected. For coin they
l,e Sh,l'S, from which arose the tinan-
,ial term shell out They have no Con-
,ress in Africa, but their other habits are
good; though there are, in an obscure part
'f their country, small number Of suerril
as who eat young Africans, use every ex,
oedlent to avoid the draft, and do not pay
heir taxes. These guerrlllas, fortunately
ew IN number, are unprnciped people,
md are not calculated to make home hap
,y.'
Speaking of money the lecturer dealt a
powerful blow ut the popular foible which
makes money the basis of society. We
re from the ariStocracy of birth. Stars
md garte:s are not objects of alteration
'mong us, and We ought to thank heaven
or that. Yet it is often the case that
,ilded idiocy passes for gentleness; gilded
passes for wit; gilded vulgar
ty passes for honest bluntnesS, in word,
{ you want your base coin to pass for the
rue and ringing metal simply gild.
iolden words were these showing that the
genial humorist is moralist as well, and
'lso welds with skill the deadly scalpcl of
sarcasm. A little further on the lecturer
paid his respects to the shoddy spectators,
md asserted in ringing ters,DeSS that the
whole conduct of the war had been tainted
oy this worship of mammon, from the
gambling of high magnates,
xho strike for millions, down, down to the
private who holds his enlistment till his
county is raised to its last and most ridic
llous altitude.
Regaining his subject again he re.narked:
'The people of Africa are very fond uf
,ay cOlorS. Some wears ago an entsrpris