Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1862-09-06
Kentucky Conservatism. G

day Mercury gives this amusing description
Of conservatism:
Upon quitting the Strawberry festival I re-
turned post again to Paris. where l ar
rived just in time to start with Captain Bob
Shorty and a company from the Comic Sec
ton of the Mnckercl Brigade OH foraging cx-
pedition. We went to look up straw bed
for the feeding Of the Anatomical Cavalry
horses, my boy, and tho conservative KEN
tucky chap went along TO SEQ that we did
not violate the Constitution nor the rights of
man.
"It's my opinion, comrade," says Captain
Bob Shorty, as we started out-"1ts my
opinion, my Union ranger that this here UNI
natural war is getting worked down to very
fine point, when we can't 60 out for an arm
full Of forage without taking the Constitution
along on an ass. Think" says Capt. Bob
Shorty, "that the Constitution is as much out
Of place here as a set of fancy harness would
would be in drove of wild buifaloes."
Can such be the case my. boy-can such
be tho casel Then did our revolutionary
fore-fa,hers live in vain.
Having moved along in gorgeous cavacade
until about noon, we stopped at the house of
First Family Of Virginia who were just going
to dinner. Captain Bob Shorty ordered the
Mackerels to stack arms and draw canteens
in the front door yard, and then We entered
the dolnicil, and saluted the domestic mass
meeting in the dining room
"Wclcolne, sir" says Bob, addressing the
venerable and high.minded chivalry at the
head of the table "to ask you if you have any
old straw beds that OH don't want, that could
be used for the cavalry of the United States
of America 7"
The chivary only paused long enough to
throw couple Of pic-plates at us and then
says he:
"Arc you a cursed Abolitionistl'
Tho conservative Kentucky chap stepped
hastily forward and says he:
"No, my dear sir, we're the conservative
element.
The chivolry's venerable wife, who was a
female Southern Conftderacy, leaned back a
little in her chair, so that her little son could
SEQ to throw teacup at me; and says she:
"You amt Tribune reporters, be you"
We were all noes and no ayes. Quite a
feature in social intercourse, my boy.
The aged chivalry caused three fresh chairs
to be placed at the table, and having failed
to discharge the fowling.,r:ece which he had
pointed at Captain Bob Shorty. by reason of
dampness in the cap, he waved us to seats,
and says he:
"Sit down, poor hirrlings of gorilla des-
pot, and learn what it is to taste tho hospital
ity of Southern gentleman. You. are Lin
coin hordes," says the chivalry, shaking his
white locks, and have come to butcher the
Southern Confederacy but the Southern gen.
tleman knows how to be courteous, even to
vandal foe" =.
Here the chivalry switched out cane
which he had concealed out behind him, and
made blow at Captain Bob Shorty.
"Ses here" says Bob, Indignantly, "1'll
be-"
"Hush I" says the conservative Kentucky
chap, agitated, don't irritate the old patr-
arch, or the future amicable reconstruction of
the Union will be out Of the question. He is
naturally little provoked just now." says
the Kentucky chap soo'hingly. but we must
show him that we are his friends"
We all sat downin peace at the hosptable
board. my Coy. only few sweet potatoes and
corn-cobs being thrown by the children. and
found the fare to b. in keeping with the stu.
alton of our distracted ccuntry-l may s"y.
warfare.
"In consequence Of the blockade of tho
Washington Ape" says the chivalty. pleas
antly, ave only have one course. you zee
but even these last years sweet potatoes
must b. luxuries to mercenary mudsIls accus-
toned to husks."
! had just reached out my plate. TO be
helped. my boy. when there came great
noise, from the Mackerels in the front door
yard.
"What's that !" says Captain Bob Shorty.
20. nothing" says the female Confrdera-
cy. taking another bite Of hoe-cake. "l'vS
only told one Of the servants to throw some
hot water on your reptile hirrlings."
A Captain Bob Shorty turned to thank
hsr for her explanation. and while his plate
was extended to b. helped. the aged clivalry
fir.d q pistol at him across the table, the ball