The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1862-12-25
A Scholars COnfcssion.

In a large and retired fsmily,T wsa my faith
er's favorite daughter, and he allowed me to
become bookSeater. read every new publ
cation OF Interest that my time would ALLOW, and
all my time was my own, permitted no one
10 direct or kinder me, ard cared not who crit,
icized me. | rambled much among the libra>
ries of my favorites Philadelphia and Nav Ha-
ven, but visited go few friends, aud worked 60
little for the poor, and watched little for the
sick that my life was ono breathless chase after
mere mental selfsustenancc. As a woman,
suppose l have a heart, but my intelect seems
to have eaten it up. Scholarship has been my
idoatIy. not 30 much for the fame of it az for
its agreeable selF-nbsorption The first ambi-
zion was languages, and | tried Lstin, Greek,
French Russian, German, and Italian. 1 have
read some oftheir historians +ud poets. Daute's
inferno. M;lton's Paradise Lost, aud Shak>
spears Tempest nearly committed to memo>
ry. For the last forty years il has been my
habit to run over the best articles in the Edin-
burgh ReUiel0 and London Times. OF my own
countrymen prefer Prescott, Bryant, and Long
fellow and of our female authors, l most rel
ish Mrs. Stowe and Miss Sedgwick
do now with grief confess that have been
gormandizer of books. 1t seems as if am
now mere conglomerate, wholly made up of
others. / am they. l wonder if any of my orr
iginal personal indemnity is left ! am afraid
that in another world each author who has en-.
riched my mind will come and take from me
what he gave, aud thus leave me poor indeed.
Perhaps they all would say Why did you
not do unto others as we did to you? Could
you not find any ignorant and neeessitous whom
you could benefit? What apology have you to
offer to the ten thousand uuculhvatsd whom
you could have enhghteued?" For more than
fifty years ] have boarded knowledge with
miser's greed and during shat time have distrib-
uted next to nothing to the necessities of the
! ignorant or the young | have never written
or published review Of any book ever read.
have passed life of intense intellectual self
isbness and now | feel that my accommodations
are so many witnesses against me, In my sbys.
NAL modification and regret begin to rank
myself among the first class pirates In the
beginning of my counsel acted from the worthy
desire of improving my mind and increasing my
happiness. The intellectual appetite strength
ened every time it was gratified; and the more
hungered the more ate, forgetting, alas! that
the whole of life does not consist ia eating
As / could not find people who wished to talk
on my topics, have had silent life, save q
few letters once wrote on African COLOMBIA
ton. Ii had been a great talker, that would
have been something, though comparatively
very snail something | believe that Miss Edge
worth's "Parenfs Assistant and Mrs Stoves
Uncle Toms Cabin" have done five thousand
times more real good than have done with my
halt>ceutury OF ha'u etuuy ihe DoaNehs anu
the earth are full Of benedictions on these no.
bic women. Oh it is mistake, an awful mis-
teke, an unexcusaoe mistake, to live for ones
self Natures doctrine and the Gospels doc
trine ia, 'Be reudy to distribute, willing to com
muuicate" The Lake that turns the mill
wheel keeps healthy by Its outlettines. have
denied myself through life the happiness OF CIV
Ing. | cannot now excuse myself for not trans
hiins and publishing some of the noble works
which have appeared in Germany and Russia
and France, or for not taking the place OF neaa
in some female college, or orphan charitable So
ciety or city mission. now think of half a
dozen WAYS 10 which my talents, and attain
men,s might have been employed TO strengthen
the risen and mould the rising generate N yet.
woe isme,I have neglected them all --IndePend-
lent.