The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-12-17
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A SPLINTER from the beam OF light is
said TO be curiosity.


said TO be curiosity.
Water from the fount of knowledge
is somewhat scarce.
A YOUNG man was recently chilled by
frown. Rather tender young. man.
"NIoHr threw his dark mantle over
the scene," probably to keep it from catch
ing cold.
To ascertain whether bull is mad
twist his tail or punch his side with
pitchfork.
The young lady who took the gentle
mans fancy has returned it with many
thanks.
SHERIDAN having been asked what wine
hc liked best, replied, "Tho wine of 9th
or people"
THE greatest organ in the world-the
organ Of speech in woman; an organ, too,
without stop.
IT is not considered proper for young
ladies' TO give their countenances to indis-
criminate kissing.
If man is bitten by dog, he is likely,
whether the animal has the hydrophobia
or not, to got mad.
A FEMALE correspondent divulges
the fact" that to have loved is to have
looked into the door of heaven.
WHEN man has headache and says,
II is the Salmon" you may safely con-
clude that he has been drinking like q
fish,"
THE young lady who burst into tears,
has been put together again, and is now
wearing hoops TO prevent the recurrence
of the accident.
BRAGG didn't carry much bacon out Of
Kentucky with him. There was moro
CANNON in his proclamations than in his
waggons.-Prentiee.
LET young woman take the degree
of A. B., that is A Bride, and she may
hope in duo time to do entitled, TO that of
A. NJ, A Mamma.
We sleep, but the loom of life mover
stops; and the pattern which was weav-
ing when the sun went down, is weaving
when ii comes up tomorrow.
BREAD is tho staff of life, and liquor
the stilts-the former sustaining man,
and tho latter eleva;ing him for fall.
AT town meeting in ireland, il was
recently voted "that all persons in the
town owning dogs should go muzzled."
AN alderman's sentiment-Alas my
son how fceting is all earthly bliss Did
you ever meet man who greatly cared
for turtle soup after the fourth platoful! !!
Tom Hood said that when young
man, he couldn't wink at girl, but that
she took il for an offer of marriage. The
consequence was was, that n good many
girls got Hoodwinked.
"WHY does dog waggle hith tail 2"
Give it up" "You thee the dog wag-
giles hilh tail becauth the dogs stronger
than the tail. If he wathn't the tail
would waggle the dog"
The foreman of grand jury in Mis-
souri,, after administering an oath TO q
beautiful woman, instead of handing the
Bible, presented his face, and said: "Now
kiss the book, MADAME He didn't dis
cover his mistake until the whole jury
burst into roar of laughter.
"MAYN'r SEQ You home from meet
ing, Peggy?'
"No, you shan't do no such thing. l
am otherwise engaged"
81 swanny, guess you've missed il
this time, for I've got my trowsers full Of
gingerbread"
"You may take my arm, Bill, l only
said so"
EDIrINe vs.. MUsIo-A music teacher
once wrote that "the'art of playing on the
violin required the incest perception and
sensibility Of any art known in the world"
Upon which an editor comments in the
following manner :-"The art Of publishing
country newspaper, making it pay, and
at the Same time having it plesae every
body, beats fddling higher than a kite"
A MINISTER repeating the first line or
so of chapter in the bible, the clerk, by
some mistake or other, read it after him.
The clergyman read as follows: "Moses
was an austute man, and made atone
ment for the sins of the people," The
clerk, who could not exactly catch the
sentence, repeated thus: "Mosos was an
oyster-man, and made ointment for tho
shins of the people,"
SCENE in printing office.--Enter sub
scriber-"I have como to pay ono years
subscription in advance"
All the operatives at once" What~
Subscriber" l have come 10 pay one
years subscription in advance "-shows a
dollar.
Operatives crowd around to examine