Litchfield enquirer., 1862-02-27

MR. PREslDIEs, LAMEN AND GENTLEDENT :- The answer behind the house this morning, fo confusion, is this Resolped that the revolution of the earth through it's axletree must use an i'm mense quantity of cart-grease to keep it iron squeaking.
 This, Sir, is a most obsreperous question. It. a selfconfdent question, The pints to be made on it are a great many hogsheads. To confute this, you have only to take the circumstance of s foot OK wheel which uses lbs. of tongue grease per an-discompose il with the dicummeter p the earth-8O00 miles,-knock it over with 2 three year old rule, and you will have a condition of cart wheel, soap grease and Adams earth per fectly surmazfng.
 To-distrustrate. this argiaeation, we have only to confer to the Southern friction eaters term which origifes from their living nearer the equa tion, and are thus further from the axle pole o the Universe and so fry and squeak away without the benefit of grease.
 Now, Mir. Freshman, the benedictions of fat, are to unctions to hear of. For instance, how would a pigs tail or hogs foot perform in fry ing pan without grease! Why, Sir, ten to one the foot would jump out and step right in the cooks eye and the tail swing itself into her mouth quicker than a jackass could catch a flea.
 We have all heard the conjuction, ''Fret moi thy gizard." The reason why folks fret their gizards is all for the want of grease. A fat gig ard can no more be fretted than molasses in win ter time. Therefore, to cure fretting keep fat gizard.
 And Sir, There is the Rebellion of the under States, of which I confoundly believe that a $l, 100000 worth of grease. sent in advance ot our army would so luyubrate its behinders, that it would slip up flat of its foundation in twenty four hours, ker whallup.
 Than tharo ic fbo unactiar of S1ayarv n he settled jest as slick ds grease. Take another million worth and oil the niggers' heels, and they will slap right into freedom as easy as an eel will slide down hill on peeled-bark.
 Then too, there is Johannes Bulletin just int him with cartridge grease atween the horns, and it will cure his hooking distemper in 48 hours.
 And if any of our Generals should be troubled again with the setstill complaint, little elbow grease on their sword arms would make them fly round and slash stool-legs and computate dogs tails by the dozen.
 And if Congress will only put little silver grease on the treasury notes, they will go like slap,jacks down sanguinary lane. In short, dc not know of question but be settled in grease as easy as an iron wedge will Sink into a kettle of lard. The only concurrence when grease would have been conjurious, was in the rising of the apple on Newton's head, when if his pate had Deen us greasy dS our lfoWSy udHuleS IL WOulu have stuck on, and the idea of gravitation would never have fallen out.
 Great is grease, and peace is next thereunto With peace and grease leave the question composing for the next meetings concussion the following golden question.
 l Consolved, That in order to magnify aLyce um, punctuality is punkins. The Manchail shouldered the convolution, while the house put him through, and with peace and grease the | scattering slid for home.
 The effect of the speech like preaching, caus ed the reporter to forget to apply the applica ton, and the consequence was tangled up se of actions. On entering his sin-blessed apart ment that night, he kissed the dog, embraced the cat, who gave him marked welcome pull ed off his boots with the shovel, set his hat il the stove-id, hung his coat in the oven, spit il the pitchers, and drank the spittoon, warmed his feet by the clock, and took the stove to bet with him. Says if his life is good and healtl spared, shall be on hand to commute the sen tence of the last meeting.