Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1862-09-13
AJoFIRED wAeeN.rRApE.

II onct made down in Texas. You see 7
was dOin' q right smart chance Of trade down
in that deestrict with clocks, fur caps, Ingin
mesl. snd other neeessaries Of life and ouct
in awhile went it blind on specialization,
when there was chance to get q bargain
and pay fifty per cent on a stiff swindle
There vas an old chap Of half breed they
called Uncle Johnny, down there and some
how he got wind Of my pertikler cuteness,
and he guessed he could run pretty sharp
saw on me, if he only got sight
Il heerd be Was after me, and thinks
you'll get roastin', my boy, of you pick up
this hot chestnut > but I was coDsated be-
yond my powers then, and he was jist one
buckleberry above my taliest persimmon.
We cum together one night at Bill Crowns
tavern, and the fust thing the old cuss said
was: ...t
Jerewsalem cricketsl I'm like fellow
fist out Of feather-bed and no mistake.
tell ye that ere wagging ov mine rides jist
about as slick as q railroad of grease, and If IL
wern't so alfred big, l wouldn't sell it for
its weight in Orleans bank notes
II kinder thought smelt putty big bed
bug; but glimpSed outer the door, and there
stood the wagon under the she'd, and lookin'
orful temptin' 1t war big four-wheel con-
sarn, with a canvas top, and about as putty a
consarn for family use as ever ] sot my wink
ers on. Thinks /:
You don't fetch mo this time, hoss; for
HI be Jist neck ahead of you
so 1 stood mint, and then says I:
60 Without looking nor nuthin', Uncle
Johnny I'll jist give you ffty dollars for that
'ere helTse.
He kinder blinked around, and says he
"'I rather sell my grandmother; but
the cOnsarn's yOurn, cunnel. Show yer hand.
''He was too willin' to suit me; but the
game was cutter cover, and 1 wouldn't back
down. 80 give him the rags, and went out
= 1o- r of mn har UnrrlA ~
the old vsrmint had jist fetched that ere
wagon down to the shed, and sot it up end on,
So that didn't see how the fore wheels wasn't
thsr Fact. They had maryelled, and the
fore-axles was restin' on two hitchin' stakes.
Jist as got through cussin', heerd jofred
larfn, and thar was the robber and bis friends
standin' in the door, splittin' their sides at
me. Thinks I. II went cheap, then, my
beauty, but look out for hail-storm when
the wind up next time / borreyed horse,
and took that ar bargain to my shanty; and
then / sot down and went to thinkin'. Fur
two days L war as melancholy ss a chicken in
GOcSeberry-time, tryin' to hit some plan to get
even with the cuss. All to onct somethin'
struck me, and felt better. Ye see there
was great talk down thar jist then, about the
doctor gig what they heard tell on, but not
one was there in the hull deestrict I'd seen
one up in York, and thinks ., 'Ef / don't
make Doctors two-wheeler outer that ere
knife SO jist got big saw, and went to
work quite like, and cut that ere wagon right
10 two in the middle-cOver and all Then I
took the shafts and fastened them onto the
hind part, and rigged up a dash board. And
then took part Of the cutoff piece for q seat,
aLu -a;nted the hull thing with black paint;
AZ rot me ef / didn't hev q docter's gig
as -7iankerous as you please! I knew it
WoCi1 f-tch thunderin' price for its novelty
10 any one; but was after Uncle Johnny and
nob,dy else. One night druv down to the
tavern So tearin' rate, snd the fust feller /
see Wis hisself, standin' in the door, and
sippin' kill-me-quick. He was kinder took
down Wien he see me comm it 90 piert in my
twO-w heeler, and some Of his friends inside
sxed MIN what was the matter, He kept as
still as a mouse in pantry until I come up,
and then says he:
what's that ere concern Of yourn, hoss p
ESays I {:
IFS one of them doctors flyers as I'd
rather ride in it than Queen Victory's bang
up, A, No. 1, stsge-cosch. It's scrouger'
He kinder stuck a minute, and then says
he:
.'.What'll ye take for it, hoss !''
Il made out as though didn't keer, and
says |;
1T was sent to me by cousin up in York,
and I dent keer to sell; but yer may take il
for two hundred and fifty dOllars'
He turned green about the gills at that,
AMI says he:
Say one hundred dollars, and I'll take it
with ny eyes shut
It's yourn,' says /. 'Give Us the rags
"He smelt bug that time; but it was too
late, 90 he forked out the rale stuff, and then
went to look at the tvo-wheeler.
- Thunder" says he, blinkin' at the seat.
Il We seen that afore, or my name isn't what
my fathers wasn
Better 'blieye it, says I; that's your
four wheeler shaved down 10 the very latest
York fashion
Then he did cuss; but twarn't no use Tho
trade was a trade, and all the boys Iarfed till
their tongues hung out / treated all round,
and as left 'em, saysI
:" u ncle Johnny, whom ye want to trade
agin, jist pick out q grindstun that isn't too
hard for yer blade "-KsrT PapsyS