The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-07-16
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

tney afo hept Oh nahu'
WHEN is clock guilty Of misdemean-
orr When it strikes one.
"DRop me line," as the drowning
man said to the fellow on deck.
REBELLION has a new name. 1t is
now called the Southern Skedadlecy.
WHEN does a man dye for love?-
When he turns his red whiskers brown.
Why does sailor know there is man
in the moon? Because he has been to
sea.
The best way of preserving meat
invite none but vegetarians TO dine with
you.
SOME editors never tell the truth ex-
cept when they charge each other with
lying.
"YoU look rs though you were beside
yourself" said wag TO fop standing
by a donkey.
GA GOOD action is never thrown away"
That's the reason, no doubt, we find so
few of them.
THE utter-most parts of the earth are
supposed to be the parts where there are
most women.
IT is said that toothache may always
be cured by holding in the hand certain
root-that Of the tooth.
WHEN our cups run over, we let 9th
ers drink the drops that fall, and COM
placently call it charity.
WIVES are cheap in Delaware. Tho
Georgetown Messenger relates that one
was sold for 81 and dog.
"REvENGE is sweet" as the boy said,
who had been whipped by grocer, while
he was stealing his sugar.
Mrs. Partington says she may be old
now, but she has seen the day when she
was as young as ever she was.
"HARD times, and we must make the
most of what we have" as the grocer said
when he watered his vinegar.
If disagreeable fellow insists on shar-
ing your house with you, take the inside
for your share and give him the outside.
"JIM, does your mother ever whip
youW "No; but she does worse tho
"What is that!" "Why, she washes
mo every morning"
THERE is not a stream of trouble SC
deep and swift running that we may moi
cross safely over it, if we have courage to
steer and strength to pull.
The ladies' fashions for the ensuing
year show persistent determination in
the dear creatures to crawl out of theil
dresses through the upper part.
"Do you know, sir, that when l left
home, my neighbors honored me with 6
musical escortp "Oh, 1 understand
you were drummed out of town."
The Louisville Journal thinks that i
jeff Davis and his gang escape being
hung, the earth will be disgusted and re
fuse TO bring forth another crop of hemp
"Now do take this medicine, wife, an(
I'll be hanged if it doesn't cure you."-
ooh! III take it then, by all means, 70
it is sure to do good one way or the 9th
er."
AN Irishman who had blistered his fin
gers by endeavoring to draw on a new
pair of boots, exclaimed, "by st. Pat
rick, l behave l shall never get 'em on
until l wear 'em day or twow
AN ark is now being built by maj
out West in anticipation of the mex
fiood-of tears shed by his wife when b
refuses to take her to the opera. IL
thinks he can weather the storm.
BEooAR-" Pray, sir, take pity on
miserable wretch. l have a wife and si
children"
Gent.-"My poor fellow, accept m,
heartfelt sympathy-so have l."
THE Charleston Mercury states tina
a Beauregard hat is all the rage in tha
city. Al the rate the war is progressing
the same General will furnish a model 70
a necktio that will yet be extensively wor
at the South.
WHAT do you mean by cat and do
life said husband TO his wife. Look q
Carlo and Grimilkin asleep on the rug ic
gether. / wish men lived half so peace
ably with their wives. Stop, said the ID
dy; tic them together, and see how the
agree.
"CAN you tell me-" asked bloomin
lass of suitor, "what ship carries moi
passengers than the Great Eastern?"-
"Well, madam, i really don't think
can," was his reply. "Why, il is cour
ship" replied the maiden with col