The dollar weekly bulletin. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1862-1864, 1862-12-11
ROSS & RoSSER, Publishers.
Artemus Ward in Canada.

Artemus Ward in Canada.
I'm at present existin' under a monikad
form of Comment. In other words, Pm
travalin' among the crowned heads of Cana
da. They ar'nt pretty bad people. On the
cont'ry. they are exceedin' good people.
Troo. they are deprived of many blessins.
They don't enjoy. for instans, the priceless
boon of war. They havn't any American
Esil to onchain, and they hain't got a Forth
of July on their back.
Altho' this is a monikal form of Gov'men 1
/ am enable to perceive much monaky. I
tried to git piece in Toronto, but failed to
succeed.
Mrs. Victoria. who is Queen of England,
and has all the luxuries of the market, in
cludin' game in its season, don't bother her
self much, about Canady. but lets her do
bout as she's higher. She. however, GIN
rally kept her supplied with lord, who's
called Gov'ner Gin'ral. Sometimes the
politicians Of Canady make it lively for
this lord-for Canadv has politicians. and
expect they don't differ from our politicians.
some Of 'em bein' gifted and talented liars,
no doubt
The present Gov'nor Central Of Canady is
Lord Monk. | saw him review some volun-
teers at Montre al He was accom- panied bv
some other lords and dukes and gen ais and
those sort of things. He rode 4 little bay
horse, ard his close wasn't any better than
mine. You'll always notiss, by the way,
that the higher up in the world a man is,
the less good harness he puts on. Hence.
Gin'ral Halleck walks the streets III plain
citizens dress. while the second lieutenant
of volunteer regiment piles all the brass
things he can find onto his back, and drags
a fnrty-pound sword after him.
Monk has been in the business for some
time, aud l understand it pays. though |
don't know what lords wages is The
wages of sin is death and postage stamps
But this has nothing to do with Monk.
One of lord Monks daughters rode with
him on the field. She has golden hair.
kind. good face. aud were a red hat. |
should he very happy to have her paw me
and nv family a visit at ReidinSvile. Come
and hiring vour nitin.' Miss Monk. Mrs
Ward will do the far thing nv you. She
makes the hest sap Acks in America. As
Il slap-j ,ckist. she has 10 eka. She wears
the belt.
What the review was all about. don't
know. | haven't gigant intelleck which
Car grasp great questions AZ o"ct. am not
a Webster TOR Seymour, am no, Wash
ineton nor a Wadsworrh. Fur from it !
am not as gifted a man as Henry Ward
mou h Mretiu'- House in Brooklyn will al
init that. Yes. | think so. And while |
don't have The slightest idee to what the
review was for. will state thai the sojers
looked poutv scrumptious in their red and
green close.
Come with me ientle reader. tn Qnebeck.
QTebeck WAS surveyed ami layed Gu; by a
gentleman who had the delerium tremens
from childhood. and hence his idee of things
WIS a littlr irreg'l-r The streets d"H't lead
anywhere in partic'lar, but ev-ryw heres in
gin'ral. The city is huilt on variety o.
perpend icler hills, each hill bein' a tr' f.
worse nor toih~r one. Qnebeck is full OF
stone walls. ard. arches. aud citai els and
things Ii is said that no foe could ever g't
into Qnebeck. and | guess they wouldn't
And don't see what they'd wan. TO get III
herr for.
Ouhecl> has seen lively times in a warlike
way. The Frpnch and Bri;isherS had set
to there in 1859. jim Wolf commanded
the latters and 10 Moncalm the formers
b 9TH were hunky boys. and fit nohly. But
Wolfe was too many mra>els for Mnncaln
and he French were slew'd Wolfe ana
NJ onca' m were bath killed. In after years
a common monyment was erected by the
gen'rous people OF Q,eberk. aided by bully
Earl named George DAhlhonsie, to these
noble fellows. That well done.
Durin' the Revolutionary War B. Arnold
m sde his way through dense woods and
thick SHOWS. from Maine to Qnebeck. which
it was one of the bnnkiest things ever done
il. the m Iitary line. II would have been
better if b Arnod's funeral had come off
immed Iaielv on his arrival there.
On the plains of Ahr.h.m there was onct
some tall fighting. and ever since then there
has been great demand tor the bones of the
slewd on that there occasion. But the real
boreS was long ago carried on. an"
now the bows make hands thing by
carr,in the bones of boss : and sheep out
H. ere. aud sel,in I'm Ia intelligent Amer-
can towerisis. T"kin' "A professional view
Of this Dodge. | must sly that 1t betrayS
g-nious Of lori'y character.
/, reminded of ins pred feet of nv own.
] u ed To exhibit a AK fgger of Henry
w iIkiuS. the Boy Murderer Henry n ID.
in "A moment a. inadveniure. killed his nm
Gle T. ihraim and wake IF With the old
mans money. Well, this stato"gv was lost
somehow, aud no; Sposin' il would make
any particular difference l substituted the
full grown s.atooes of one OF my dlStln-
guished pirA's for the Boy Murder One
night / exhibited to a poor but honest au-
dience in the town of Stoneham, Maine
This. ladies aud gentlem en- said pointing
nv um brella Chat weapon which is lndls-
pepsable to every troo American) to the
statoo. sthis is a lifelike wax igger ot the
notorious Henry Wilkins, who in the dead
of night murdered his uncle Ephralm IN colo
blood. sad warning to uncies haVin
murderers for nephews. When mere
child this Henry Wilkins was compelled 10
20 to the SUNDAY School. He carried no
Sunday schoo, book. The teacher told I'm
to 20 home and bring one. lie went and
returned with comic song book. A de-
PRAYED proccedin."
But" says man in the audience. "when