The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1862-12-27
Orpheus c. Kerr on the Late Elections
A Story with q Moral.


The late elections in New York, nv boy,
has electrified everybody except our Honest
Abe, who still goes about smiling, like a
long and amiable sexton, and continues to
save our distracted country after the man
ner of an honest man. On Thursday night
high, moral democratic chap, of much
watch-seal, who had received dispatch all
about the election, went to see the Honest
Abe, for the express purpose of telling him
that the democratic party had been born
again, and was on the point of protesting
against everything whatsoever, except the
| Constitution OF our forefathers. He found
the Honest Abe cracking some walnuts be-
fore the fire. my boy, and says he:
"The celebrated democratic organization,
Of which I am assistant engineer. has car
ried the State of New York in a manner
impossible to express, and will now proceed
to demand of you a vigorous prosecution
of that unnatural strife in which are in
volved our lives, our liberties, and the pur-
suit of happiness. We admire to see your
harmless honesty" says the chap, blandly,
''and we believe you to be fresh egg; but
we protest against the arbitrary arrest of
men who are patriots, only conservatively
democratic; and we insis: upon a vigorous
prosecution of Constitutional hostilties
against our misguided brothers who are now
offering irregular opposition to the Govern
ment."
The Honest Abe cracked a walnut, and
says he, "You say, neighbor, that the or
ganization still insists upon a vigorous
prosecution of the war;"
| The democratic chap sliced toothpick
| from the arm of the chair with his knife,
and says he:
THAT is the platform on which we are
Epuri6us Uiauna."
"Weu," says the honest Abe, 81 believe
that you mean well; but am reminded of a
little story.
When I was practising law out in Illi-
nois," says the Honest Abe, twisting the
bow of his black neck tie around from I'M
der his left ear, ''there was an old cock,
with two sons, living near me in tumble
down old shanty. He lived there until hall
his roof blew off one windy night, and then
he concluded to move to a new house
where the chimney didn't take up all the
upper story. On the day when he moved
he'd got most all of his other traps chang
ed to the other residence, and had sent one
of his sons to see that they were all GO
safely in doors, when suddenly shower
commenced to come up. The old man snc
his other offspring, who had stayed to bur
ry him, were taking up carpet from the
floor, at the time the first dose of thunder
cracked, and the offspring says he, Hurry
up old crazy bones, or we'll be ketched in
the freshet before we get up this here rict
fabric The stern parent needed the ad
monition, and went ripping away the car
pet around the edges of the room, until h
came near where the offspring was standing
and there it stuck. He pulled, but i
wouldn't come, and he says, says he
Pears to me that dod rotted tack mus
be ten penny malt holds on So Yor
see, the old screw was very blind withou
his specs" says tie Honest Abe, buttoning
his vest askew, ''and he couldn't see where
, the tack was. Another peal of thunder a
this moment made the irascible offspring
still madden, and he says, says he: 'YoU
misabul old cripple, if you don't hurry VI
we'll be ketched, tell you'll AS he made
this dutiful remark he went stamping to thu
window, and at the same moment the can
tankerous tack came out, and the aged pa
rent went over on his back, with the car
pet up to his chin. He got up and busted
and says he: Well, now, that IS cur'rou
how student it went Then he pro
ceeded to rip away again, until he cam
near the window, and there it stuck ono
more. The wild offspring saw him tug
ging again, and it made him so wrathy tina
he SAYS, says he: why in thunder didn'
you take out the nails first, you crooked oil
, sinner, you? It's enough to make me wee
afresh for the old woman, to see how you
"But he didn't flush his observation
3 for, as he walked toward where the hamme
lay, the tack come out, and the old 'uu wen
e to bed again under the carpet Up spran
e the sad parent, splitting rage. and he says
: says he: We'll, now, how curious to thin
j, it should come so suddent!' Still on h
e went, until the carpet was all up fror
S around the edges; but when he tried t
drag it away on his shoulder, it was fas
someWheres yet. r p rum - bum =
boom! went the thunder; and says the in
furiated offspring, says he: We'll, I neve
did see such blundering old dad as yo
9 be. We'll be ketched In the rain as sur
as grasshoppers; and all because you didn'
= take my advice about the hammer in th
first place The poor old 'un tugged
e and pulled, and painted, and says he: We'll
? now, that IS curious, swan to massey
There can't be no tacks way out in the mid
: die of the floor, here, can they7' To max
!. sure. the old blind-pate was going down Oh
' his knees to take mouse-eye view, whel
q all of a sudden he gave start, and he says
says he: why, pears to me, Sammy, yoa
4 standirs' on TIE carpet yourseyf!' And 81
: he was-so he was,' says the Honest Abe
: smiling into the fire, sand that was the rea
son why the carpet had stuck in SO many
S places.
s ''Now," says the Honest Abe, poking th,