The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1862-08-27
NUMBER IS.
HUMOROUS.

What is larger for being cut at both
ends? A ditch.
What is most likely to become a wonanY
A little girl.
No sooner had Eve seen Sat(i)n than
she wished to clothe herself.
Which of the feathered tribe lifts the
heaviest weight The Crane.
Widows are like gunpowder, always
sure to go off when fred by match :
When may newspaper reader be said
to have voracious appetite? When he
devours the Post and swallows the Gkobc
A man is like an egg: kept in hot water
little while, he may boil soft-too long.
and he gets hard.
Why is the assessor of taxes the best
man In the world? Because he never sun-
derrates' any body.
Why should Africa rightfnlly be con-
sidered to rank first of the continents?
Because it bears the palm. ~
Why does hoy trying to peep into .
garden, remind one of husband who
takes no heed of scolding wife? Be.
cause he looks over the railing. :
A person below the middle stature ob.
served he could boast of two negative
qualifications, viz: that he never wore :
great coat nor ever lay long in bed.
A person reading the funeral service at
the grave, forgot the sex of deceased. and
asked one of the mourners, an Emeralders
SIS this brother or sister," ssNeither."
replied Pat; .'only acousin."
A sixty mine FOUNDER shell burst near
an lrishman in one of the trenches. Pat
coolly surveyed the ruins the fragment
had made, and exclaimed, ssRe- jabersl
thin s the fellows to soften the wax in 4
| mans earl" ~
The Farmers Journal says that there
| is great art in making good cheese. ~ Yes;
fresh cheese is an admirable prediction
Of art, and very old one is often rare
specimen of animated nature"
John, said Dean Ramsay, "I'm surs
ye ken that rollin' stane gathers nae
moss?' sAy,'' rejoined John, sthat's
true: but can you tell me what guild the
moss does to the stane?"
Says little three years old Ruth: oPaps
please buy me muff, whcn you go 10 Bos.
ton" Sister Minnie, standing by, sayss
aYou are too little to have q muif."
| cam too little to- be cold?' reioins in
aignant little Ruth.
sYou will upset the tray, and break ali
the dishes on it, said an anxious mother
to her daughter. ooh no, mother retorted
the witty girl, 81 shall break all the dishen
off it, if it upsets!'
Some one blamed MI March for chang.
ing his mind SWELL" said he, ssthat &
the difference between aman and jackass;
the jackass can't change his mind and :
man can-it's human privilege"
Old maid: "What, nine months old.
and not walk yet? Why, when / was :
| baby went alone even at six month";
Young indignant mother( (muttefingt to her
self) aHumph Guess you've been alone
ever since!"
ri wish you would not smoke cigars, :"
said a plump little black-cyed girl to her
lover. ssWhy may not smoke as we'll -
your chimney" Because chimneys don't
smoke whenthey are in good order He
has quitsmoking,
A4spoiled boy of eight years, having
made what he considered remarkable
speech, just before his grandfather cams
into dinner, said to his mother, in drawl-
ing tone: "Nfa, why don't yon tell grsndpa
that that said
"Will you have some catsup?" asked .
gentleman of Aunt Priscilla, at dinner
table. "Dcar me, no, she replied, with
a shudder; ri IN fond Of cats in their place,
but | should as soon think of eating dog
soup" The gentleman did not urge her.