The Portland daily press., 1862-10-14
MISCELLANY.
TThe Draft i'm Baldinsville,
ny ARTEMUs WARD.

drafted everywheres I've bin inrold. must
now, furrinstans, be inrold in upwards OF w
different towns. If I'd KEEP on traveln should
eventooally becum a Brigade, in which case
/ could hay held a meetin' and elected myself
a Brigadier gnral quite unanimiss. hadn't
no idea there was so many OF me bfore. But,
seris. konkluked to stop exhibitin' and make
tracks for Baldinsville.
NV only daughter threw herself onto my
boosum, aud said, ut is me layther, l thank
the gods!'
She reads the Ledger.
Zip US yer bunch OF lives, old fakerp said
Artemus Jr. He reads the Clipper.
My wife was to the sown' circle. knew
she and the women folks was havin' a pleasant
time slanderin the females of the other sowin'
circle. (which likewise met that afternoon, and
was doubtless enjoyin' themselves ekally well
in slanderin' the flst-named circle,) an didn't
send for her. / allus like to see people ENJOY
themselves.
Nv son Orgustus was playin' onto foot.
Orgustus is a ethereal cuss. The twins was
bildn cob houses in a corner OF the kitchen.
It'll take sum postage-stamps to raise this
family. and yet IL 'ud go hard with the old man
to lose any lamb of the flock.
NY towsmen was sort o. demorallzed.
There was a evident desire to ewade the Draft
as obsarved with sorrer, and patriotism was
below Par-and Mar too. la jew desprit.
i hadn't no sooner sot down on the piaZZy OF
the tavoun than saw sixteen solitary boss
men, rldin' four abreast, wendin their way up
the street.
whats them? Is it cavalry?
"That." said the landlord, sit is the stage.
Sixteen able-boded citizens has lately bought
the stage line tween here and Scotsburg
That's them. They're stage-driyers. Stage
drivers is exempt
/ saw that each stage-driver carried letter
In his left hand.
1.-THE mail is hevy, to-day said the land
lord. "Gin'rally they don't hay more'n half
a dozen letters tween 'em. To-day they've
got one apiece. Bile my lights and liyerw
sand the passengers? ?"
"There amt any, skacely, nowadays" said
the landlord, :, and what few there is, very
much prefer to walk, the roads are SO very
rough
And how is it with you?" inquired of the
editor of the Bugle Horn OF Liberty, who sot
near me.
IL can't go,' he sed, shakin' his head in a
wise way "OrdinariIy / should delight to
wade in gore, but my beedin' country bids me
stay at home. 1t is imperatiyely necessary
that remain here for the purpose of announ-
Gin from week to week, that our Comment is
about to take vigorous measures 10 put down
the rebellion
| stroled into the village oyster-saloon,
where found DIR. Schwazey, a leadin' citizen,
in state of mind which showed that he'd bin
histin' in moren his share of pizen.
"What's the matter with the eminent phys
clan? / pleasantly inquired.
aThis,n said he; sthis is what's the matter.
I'm habitooal drunkard! I'm cxemptw
"Jes' so.'
sDo You see them beans, old man?n and he
pnted to plate before him. 81 haiD't eat any
thing since last week. l eat beans now be-
cause eat beans then. l never mix my Wit
ties.
at is quite proper you should eat a little
suthin' once in a WHILE" said. "Its good
idee to occasionally instruck the stummck
that it mustn't depend exclusively on Ticker
for its sustenance."
git up mass meetin'. The meetin' was large
" attended. !. We held it in the open air, round
roarin' bonfire.
The schoolmaster was the first orator. He's
pretty good on a speak. He said this inactiv-
ity surprised him. "What do you expect will
come Of this kind of doin's? Mill fit"
"Hooray for NihilI' interrupted. Fellow
citizens, let's give three cheers for Mill, the
man who fitr'
sour venerable friend" said the schoolmas-
ter, smilin' pleasantly, "sn't posted in Virgil, >
IN NE don't know him. But if he's able
bodied man he must stand his little draft"
The schoolmaster wound up in eloquent
style, and the subscriber took the stand.
1 said the crisis had not only cum ITSELF but
1t had brought all its relations. 1t has cum,
said, with a evident intention of maxim us
a good long visit. It's goin' to take off It's
things and stop with us. Feller citizens, it
will be a proud day for this Republic when
Washington is safe.
The editor OF the Bugle-Horn of Liberty
here arose and said / do not wish to interrupt
the gentleman, but important dispatch has
just been received at the telegraph office here.
will read it. 1t is as follows: Government Is
about to take vigorous measures to put down
the rebellion" Loud applause.
That, said l, is cheering. That's soothing.
And Washington viii be safe. Sensation.
Philadelphia is safe. But my heart beats par
ticly for Washington.
There's money enough. No trouble about
money. They've got lot of flrst-class bank
note engravers at Washington (which place |
regret to say, is by no means safel who turn
out two or three cords of money day-good
money, too. Goes well. These bank note
engravers make good wages. l expect they
lay up property. They are full of Union sem
timent. There Is considerable Union senti-
ment in Virginny, more specially among the
honest farmers of the Shenandoah valley.
Then it isn't money we want. But we do
want men, and we must have them. We must
carry a whirlwind of fire among the foe. We
poundin' the GODDESS of Liberty over the head
with slung-shots, and stabbin' her vita stolen
knives! We must lick 'em quick. We must
introduce large number of first class funer-
ais among the people of the South.
This war hain't been too well managed. We
all know that, What then? We are all in the
same boat-if the boat goes down, We 90 down
with her. Hence we must all fight We can't
treason" the matter with the ioe-only with
steel and led. When, in the broad glare OF the
MONDAY sun, a speckled jackass boldly and
maliciously kicks over peanut stand, do we
treason" with himb guess not. And why
"reason" with those other Southern people who
are trying to kick over the Republic?
have great confidence in A. Lnkin. The
old fellows heart is in the right place, and his
head is clear. There's bin some queer doins
by some of his deputies-civil and military
but let it pass. We must save the Union.
And don't wait to be drafted. The Republic
is our mother. For Gods sake. don't let us
stop to draw lots to see which OF us shall go
to the rescue of our wounded and bleeding
mother. Drive the assassns from her throat
drive them into the sea! And then il it is
worth While, stop and argue about who caused
all this in the first place.
The meetin' broke up with enthusiasm. We
shan't draft in Baldsville if we can help it,
Vanity Fair.