Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1862-03-07
Humorous SELECTIONS.
THE WHITE HOUSE PARTY DEsCRIB-
ED BY ORPHEUS c. KERR.


We took hack to the White House. my
boy, and on arriving there, were delighted to
find that the rooms we're already filling with
statesmen, Miss--statesmen, Mrs. statesmen,
and officers, who had so much lace and epau-
lettes upon them that they looked like walk
ing brass boundaries with the front doors
open.
The first object that attracted my special
attention, however was a thing that l took
for large and ornamental pair of tongs, lean
ing against mantel, figured in blue enamel,
with life-like imitation Of a window brush
on top. | objected the Generals attention
to it, and asked him if it was one of the uni
que gifts presented to the Government by the
late japanese embassy.
" Thunder" says the General, that's no
tongs. It's the young man which is Captain
William Brown, of Accomac. Now that
look at him, says the General, thoughtfully,
" he reminds me Of an old fashioned strad-
dlebug."
/ Stepping from one lady's dress to another,
until ! reached the side Of the Commander Of
the Accomac, slapped him on the back, and
says /
T" How are you, my bluo-bird, and what do
you think Of the brilliant assemblage ?"
fla - says William, starting out Of
brown study, and putting some cloves in his
mouth, to disguise the water he'd drank on
his way from Accomao--" | was just think
ing what my poor old mother would say if she
could see me and the other snobs here to-
night. When look on the women of Amer
lea around me tonight" says William, feel
ingy, and see how much they've cut off
/ from the tops of their dresses, to make band
ages for our wounded soldiers, | can't help
feeling that their neck-or-nothing' appear
ance-so far from being indicate, is a very
delicate proofof their devoted love OF Union.
agree with you, my azure humanitari-
an says l. There's precious little 'oaid
about such dresses"
William closed one eve, turned his head
one side like facetious canary, and said
Nov lovely woman scants her dress, with
bandages the sick to bless and stoops so
far to wars alarms, her very frock is under
arms"
I believe him my boy
Returning to the General, we took turn
in the East Room, and enjoyed the panororna
Of youth, beauty, and whskers that wound
its variegated length before us.
The charming Mrs. l., of Illinois, was
richly attired in gloves, and wore a wreath Of
flowers from amaranthine bowers. She was
affable as an angel with a new pair of wings
and universally allowed to be the most beau
tiful woman present
The enthralling Miss c., from Ohio,
was elegantly clad in a dress, and wore num-
Der four gaters. SO brilliant was her smile,
that when she laughed at one Of Lord Lyons
witticisms, all one corner OF the room was
wrapped in glare Of light, and several ner
vous dowagcrs cried "fre Her beauty GER
tainly the most beautiful present.
The fascinating Miss L., Of Pennsyl-
vania, was superby robbed in an attire Of
costly martial, with expensive founces. She
wore two gloves and complete pair Of ear
rings, and spoke so unsteady that the leader
of the Marine Band bought there was an
nolian harp in the window. She was certainly
/ the most beautiful woman present.
/ The bewitchiug Mrs. G., from Nilsson
ri, was spendidly dressed in breast-pin and
lace hounces, and wore her hair brushed
back from forehead like Mount Athos. Her
eyes reminded one of diamond springs spark
ling in the shade of whispering willows She
was decidedly the finest type of beauty pres
ent.
The President wore his coast and whiskers,
and bowed to all sautatons like graceful
door-hinge.
There was a tall Western Senator present,
who smiled so much above his stomach that
! was reminded Of the beautiful lines
"As some tall cliff that hits lis awful form
Swells from the vale and midway leaves the storm
Though roundis base a eountry's ruin spread
Eternal moon shine settles on his head"
Upon going into the supper room, my boy,
l beheld paradise Of eatables that made me
wish myself knife and fork, with nothing
but a bottle of mustard to keep me company.
There was oysters Ia fupd,m; turkeys
a la ru6es chickens a la Methaseieh beei
a la RuH Run; fruit a Ia stumikake jellies
, a la KoliorarmorJns and ices Ia aguefs
The ornamental confectionery was beauti-
t fully symbolcal of the times. At one end Of
, the table there was a large lump of white
candy, with six carpet tacks lying upon it,
This represented the "tax on sugar" At the
T other end was large platter containing imi-
! taton mud in which two candy brigadier'
were swimming towards each other, with theil
e swords between their teeth. This symbolized
a war"
I These being very hard times, my boy, anC
= the executive not being inclined to be too ex
e pensive in his marketing, most ingenius ex
pcdient was adopted to make it appear tina
there was just twice as much of certain cost.
delicaces on the table as there really was
About the center of the table lay a large mir
= ror, and on this were placed few expensive
dishes. OF course, the looking-glass CAV
them double effect. For instance. if Their
: was pound of beefsteak on the plate, it pro
> duced another pound in the glass, and the ef
feet was two pounds.
. When economy can be thus artsticall
= blended with plentitude, my boy, none
= ceases to be king, and butcher bills dwindle
Hereafter when | receive for my rations
pint of transparent coffee and two grant
II biscuits, l shall use a looking-gass for
= plate.
y 1t was the very whch-ing hour Of nigh
e when the General and myself left the glitter
i ing scene, and we had to ask several patrol
(which" way to go.
II On parting with my comrade-in- arms, say
o l, General, the ball is a success"
e lie looked at me in three winks, and say
d he, at a sucoess-particularly the bow
l. Of punch - Yours, for sody water,
< ORPHEUs c. KERR.
p Vital WHITE HoUsE.-Our "Wash
l. ington reliable" sends us the following aas
d of federal fun by telegraph. AT the late le