The Burlington weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington [Iowa]) 1860-1876, 1862-11-22
From the Sunday Mercury:
TER FROM ORPHEUS o. KERR.

From the Sunday Mercury:
TER FROM ORPHEUS O. KERR.
I,,oR T. T.:-As calmly observe the pres
situation of our military affairs, my boy. aud
!.;der how persistently the Blue Ridge
.,inues to get between our strategesic army
.be dilapidated Southern Coufederacy, am
l.sssed with the idea tn at the salvation of our
1upi.sc,ed country demands the removal OF either
as Rlue Ridge or the beloved General OF the
v.ckerel Brigade. 49,, p.:
.sa,t time enough in one locality since the
1N br.,tle to remove the incompetent and imbe-
w. .. Pine Ridge, and that the immense number
CT. .,,des consigned to that veteran corps might
o. 'sp"r.,rued into the belief that they were really
.,,d in the great strategetic tack. Further
egg the fact that the Hackerels have only sue
mort IA i'm in marching fifteen miles in six weeks,
ee s.;m,tes the superstition that they were going
IT, steep hills; bet it must be borne in
w. ~ how. that it is the Honest Abe's best
INV, - concliate all political parties for the
pu0! The Northern unity Of action, and it can
a y. ~ " doubted that the removal Of the Blue
r ~ " ., this crisis would occasion the bitterest
hus' warnings and iealousies in the manly bosom
Ds'. ~. nations Democratic organization. 1t
ya' 10 construed into proof that the Honest
W. nd Welded 10 the 6endish clamor OF the
Az. AZ Ihci;,;oniats, and had rendered ressora-
u. ,f me sdored Union-as twas Of our fore
n aou ~ ;mno.sible, by destroying that Blue
nsss .h;cb v.s an essential part that Union
Sm.sn.nl, ORGANIZATION, my boy, would prefer
ipe m With the unseemly Confederacy to
nnv,l of the Blue Ridge removal. my
,a a su,horized neither by the Constitution, the
W.. ,n;. If hannipese, nor the rights OF man. The
p.s p;scs & At the head Of our army, aud our
Du. i, % the foo, of the Blue Ridge. The mis-,
. .:, Confederacv is on the other eide, my boy,
W. Ns no ORGANIZATION very justly reasons, that
~. NV s.na;sb Abol.ionsts virtually confess them
". ,as ~ no in heart, on the came side With the
ra,ssae,.oy: for if their desired removal OF the
plns RIDGE we're carried out, the distinction OF
Wv ,.o cnooste sides would be practically lost,
..J tho Tinted States of America and the South
A.. Copfederscy would be all on one side, and
,sre might be IN unconstitutional collision. :,
dsnce nv boy, the honest Abe has concluded
!, lesye the Blue Ridge where it is, and remove
no dolized General Of the Msckerel Brigade.
Blu. before proceed to describe the inexpres-
|rsibIe anguish produced by the adoption OF even
this Crievous alternative, permit me TO RECORD
I.oe useful proceedings Of the Natiooni lnsasi-
atary Commute, in their philanthropical lnvestl-
CATION of the lunacy now prevailing TO An alarm
ING extent in the Army of Acconac.
For some weeks past, my boy, insanity mas
|been frigbtfully upon the increase in the ranks
|of the unconquerable Aackerel Brigade. Many
|Mackerels have even gone raving at times, per-
|ssting in the vague and incoherent exclamation
|thst thew Couldn't See it. There was some
hone that this terrible mental alteration might
he STAYED, if the superannuated corps we're sup
plied with spectacles; but the relief thus givel
was only temporary; and finally, when one o
the poor maniac chaps went 80 far as to yell
that, even BY the aid Of bis spectacles, hs
couldn't see what was the use Of butting agains
the Blue Ridge all the time, it was deemed pro-
per to call in the National 1nsanitary Com
mittee.
Captain Samyule Sa-mith, whose duty it wa
to draw the brigade up in two lines-the SAM
chaps on one side of the fence, and the insan'
on the other-hastened back to Accomac to fin
ish q game of "Od Sledge," on which fou
drinks we're distinctly pending and left the age
Committee TO perform its task at leisure.
In anticipation of this sad ceremony, my boy
had sent nv architectural steed, the gothic Pc
gasus, down to Accomsc, and thither went OF
Tuesday morning, to amble totteringly from
thence to the scene of insanitary proceedings
The Committee had just commenced wor
upon its line of chaps, and was examining tn
patients one by one.
The first invalid, Lively Mike, was born IN tn
Sixth Ward, and weighed ninety-two pounds
He was poor, slouching chap, my boy, resem
bling bean.pole, two-thirds covered by a
ivy vine of blue rags. His angular countenanc
was rich with repeated unwashings, save
clean, irregular circle just around his ugl
mouth.
l asked how it happened that this one part {
bis face was so clean, when all the rest WAS di
ty; and they told me, my boy, that it was .h
place where his poor old mother had kissed hi
at parting.
Likely Mikes first symptom of his dreadfl
was feeling of overwhelming wearines
as though be had been for q long time in or
spot doing nothing. The feeling deepened in,
sullen, dangerous madness, until it was final
unsafe to let him 60 at large, as be had sever
times attempted to shoot scouting Confeders
cies. sp.ae.
The next hopeless patient was Big-nose Jacl
Born at the commencement of his career in ii
Sixth Ward, and weighing ninety -four pount
without his knspsack. Big-nose had alwa,,
euioyed good health, with the exception
but vas in the habit of muttering
himself that Strategy was great humbug, ar
he'd rather die at home in his bunk in the ei
/ inc house than in swamp, without single fl
in six months. Ills only way of keeping war
was by occasionally budding up to Confede'
ate picket, and receiving his fire.
No. 8 was Baby Jim, resident Of the Six
Ward TOR many years, and weighing ninety.ol
His first attack of his malady came
khe shape of an incoherent and irrepressible d
IRE to &c. up a Directory Of Army Names,
hat the families of Mackerels in the Army
|Accomac might know where their relatives wer
Ind how old they had got to be. Sometimes
ould be suddenly seized with the absurd az
80 tina. the General of the Mackerel Brigat
las killing more men by strategy than wou
slain in Fifty battles
Another hapiess maniac was Cross-eyed Tor
lis family is we'll known in the Sixth War
eight, ninety-seven pounds. Always enJoyt
Excellent health, until one dav, when it sudden
ruck hm-uncaied-for, as it were-that
adm, seen the Colonel Of ais regiment for g
Eaonths The demon OF insanity tempted hi
8 believe that his Colonel had all along be-
drinking bad gin and threatening to resign,
Washington, instead Of staying with his men AZ
getting acquainted with them. He knew that
must be entirely mistaken about this, b
couldn't shake oftthe horrible deusion.