The Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1837-1867, 1862-12-26
Artemus Ward in Canada.

form of Gov 'ment In other words, I'm trav.
elm among the crowned heads of Canada
They arm, pretty bad people. On the comfy
tney air exceedin' good people.
Troo they are deprived of many blessins
They don't enjoy, for instans, tie priceless
boon of war. They haven't any American
Eli To uhchain. and they hain't got Fourth
OF Juiy to their backs.
Aitho' this is monikal form of Gov'ment
| am unable to perceev much m,niky. l
tried to get piece in Toronto, but failed to
succeed.
Mrs Victoria, who is Queen of England,
and has all the luxuries of the markets, in
cloodin' game in its season. cont bother her
SELF much about Canada, but lets her do bout
as she's mighnter. She, however ein'ralry
keepe her supplied with lord, who's called
a Gos'ner Gen raj. Sometimes the pDliti-
clans Of Canada make it lively Tor this lord
for Canady has politicians, and expect
they don't differ from Cur politicians, some OF
EN- are gifted and talented liars, no doubt.
The present Gov 'ner Gin'ral of Canada is
Lord Monk. | saw him review some volun
teers at Montreal. He was accompanied by
some other lords and dukes ard generals and
those sorts of thin gs. He rode little ba,
! y, oln ha
mine. You'll always no,iss. by the way that
the high r up in the world 6 man is. the less
good harness he puts on. Hence Gln'ral
HaiIeck walks the streets III plain citizen )
dress, while the second lieutenant of vplun-
t.er regiment piles ali the brass things h.
can find on his back, and drags fortv-pouna
sword after him.
Monk las been in the lord bisness some
time. and understand It pays. tho don't
know what lords wages is. The wages of
sin is ,ea,h and postage STAMPS. Bot this
has nothing TO d. with Monk.
One of Lord Monks daughters rode with
h,m on the field. She has golden hair, a
kind. good face, and wore red hat. should
ie very happy &c have her pay NE and m,
family visit at Baidinsv!lle. Come and
bring Your kni.tin' Miss Monk Mrs Ward
will do the fair thing with you. She makes
the hest slapjaeks in America. As slap
jickist. she has no ekai. She wears the belt
What the review was all about. | don't
know. | haven't gigantic intell-ck, which
can grasp great questions at on.t. am
not a Webster or a Seymour. ] am not a
Washington or Walsuorih. Fur from il.
am not as gifted man As Henrv Ware!
Be-cher. Even the congregation Of Piym
ou,h Meeting house in Br ,oklyn viii admit
that. Yes | should think so. Bat while
iont have the slightest idee rs TO what the
review was fur. will state that the soier>
looked pretty scrump,ious in their rid and
green close.
! Come with me-. gentle reader. 70 Z Iebech.
Quebech WAS surveyed and laid out by gen.
,,.nan VINO had been afflicted with delerilm
1T mems from childhood. and hence his idees
NJ things was = little irres'ler. The street.
don't lead anywhere in particl.r, bat every
where in gtn'ral. The city is built on var
r,y of perpendicular hills, each hill bein' a ,r
ic wus, nor ,'oth-r one. u sebeck is fall O
s,une walls ana arches and citaiels and things
|, is s,iI nc foe could ever git into Qnebeck
and guess they coul int. Aad don't SET
wh., they'd want to get there for.
Qlebeck has seen liveI. times in a war,ih,
way. The FIencn and Bri,i>hcrs had set
t, there in l1J9 jim Wolfe comm ,l.det
the l.tters. and Joe Mon,ca.m the formers
Both were hu0ky boys, and fit nohlv. Blu
" olfs wa. ton many measles for M.r'calm
and the French was slew'd. ", lie and
Nontcalm was both killed. In art-r years
common monument was erected by the grn
rous people Of Qiebeck. aided bv bull
earl named George D,ihouise, 10 these nob
fellows That WAS well done.
Uurin' the Revolutionary war B. Arnul,
made lis way through dense woods and ,hci
SHOWS, from Maine to q ,ebeck, which WI
one Of the hunkiest ,hings ever done in III
military line. /, would have been better
B. Arnold's funeral had come off Inime Il .teI
fter his arrival there.
On the Plains of Abraham there Vas of.C
sIme tall ti,htin', and ever since then ther
has been great demand for the bon-s {
the slew'd on IT, At there OCCASION The geno.
. Inc bones are al! carried off. and nnw the box
make a handsome thing by earlin' the bon.
, o! horses and sheep out there, and seliin' Ell
, to intelligent American towerists. Takia
professional view of this dodge, | must 81.
lh,t it be,rays genius OF a lfi1 character.
, 1t reminded me of an inspired feat of m
, own. used TO exhibit wax tisger of He'
ry Wilkins the Boy Murderer. Henry ha,
in moment of inadven,ure, killed his Unc
Ephram, and walked off witt the old man
money. Well his sta,ooe Was lost Snmehos
and no. sp sin it would make any par,icul
Tiff renee, ! substituted full grown staiot
. of one Of my distinguished piri's for the b.
, Murderer. One night | ex ,ioitei TO pot
,ut honest audience, in the town Of S on
ham, Maine. This, ladies and gentlemen
l said, pointing my umbrella tina. weapo
which is indispensable TO every ,roo American
:, to the state ,e, "this is a life-like wax-6ss,