Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-06-21
Secesh- Tanning as q fine Art.

Secesh- Tanning Is q fine Art.
War, like nearly every other sort of
human experience, has its comical side.
Old Ben Buffers management Of New
Orleans is Gas good as play" While
nothing could be more earnest and eff.
fective, there is yet a spice Of humor
in it, certain apt Righteousness in
turning the tables, that must make even
its victims smile while they vince. 1t
will be remembered that it was the
New Orleanaise who gave the general
his soa1briqvet of ''Picayune Butler'-
that being the well-known appellative
of the colored barber in the basement
of the St. Charles. The fourpence
ha'penny apithet of course implied
how very cheap they held the comman.
der at Ship Island and the little six
by-nine sheets Of that quarter of Dixie
were never tired Of rattling the dis
dainful little nickname. Time wears
on. One night, thunder is heard down
the river--awful thunder. Lowell the
warrior listens, girds on his sword, and
skedaddles. The next dav comes the
typhoon of gunboats. Monroe the
mayor beholds, mounts his high horse,
blows the fanfarronade, and knocks
under. An evening or two brings an
other sight. A boat heads up the levee,
and heavy platoons march up the street
with a fife and drum, playing what had
long been the favorlte air Of the face
tious ilk, "Picayune Buffers come to
town." 1t proved so. The fourpence
ha'penny general was actually on the
ground. He was to regulate them.-
However, twas nobody but Picayune,
and, as the philosophic Toots remarked,
s'twas of no consequence" Well,
what came Of it?
The Yankee General fetched up at
the St. Charles. Twas empty and
barred. Where was the landlord :?
OF. The house must be opened. I'M
possible. 1t shall be forced. Well,
here are the keys. So the first thing
was to show he could Keep hotel.
Next he sends word to the mayor that
he must see him at his parlor. Rack
comes word that his honor does busi-
ness at the City Hall. Straight goes
peremptory message by an orderly, and
Mayor Monroe and whole bevy of
dignitaries make their appearance hats
in hand. The hotel-keeper is induced
to draw it mild, and arranges that the
civil government of the city shall re-
main in their hands on the condition
that all the police and sanitary duties
shall be faithfully performed. For a
little while matters 60 on smoothly
but it soon became apparent that the
streets were neglected, as if on purpose
to invite Yellow Jack to come and
make short work of the "Hessians."
A sharp word goes from the st. Charles
to the City Hall to start the hoes, and,
at a jump, the hoes were started. But
it went against the grain. The alder
men could not sleep O nights. Yellow
Jack out of the question, they thought
they would try la belle France. So
they passed a resolution rendering the
officers of the French frigate Catinet
the freedom and hospitallties of the
city. Up comes word from the ST.
Charles that this sort of thing don't
answer-that "the freedom Of cap
tured city by the captives would merit
letters patent for its novelty, were
there not doubts Of its usefulness as
an invention," and that the tender of
the hospitalities by a government to
which police duties and sanitary regula-
tions only are intrusted is simply an
invitation to the calaboosc or the hos
pital. The women bride up. They
are not content with leaving our quiet
soldiers to themselves, but must needs
insult and abuse them. The general
determines this unfeminine practice, SO
provocative of ill blood, shall stop. He
proclaims that all women guilty of it
shall be treated as disorderly women.
Thereupon Mayor Monroe steps again
upon the scene, and as "chief magis-
trate of this city, chargeable with its
peace and dignity" protests against an
order $50 extraordinary and astonish.
ing" TIE immediate reply is tina,
.sJohn T. Monroe, late mayor of the
city Of New Orleans, is relieved from
All responsibility for the peace Of the
city, and committed to Fort jackson
until further ORDERS" Straightway the
mayor hprries down to the St. Charles
and makes written retraction, to Wit
s'This communication having been sen,
under mistake of fact, and being i'm
proper in language, I desire to apollo
;gize for the same, and to withdraw it. ;
The retraction is accepted, and the
mayor retires; but on the next day
having been taken to task by his clique
he again presents himself, with severa
hackers, to get modification of tn,
order about the women, or to tax,
back his apology. He receives th,
reply that modification is impossible
and With it an argunen, from the good