, 1862-10-02
Here is a little parody which some time since
,va nj tho r.,nntls nf tho nresS.

Amer \ aeepy dinner OF pAAeo ueaubp
To nib Il, scratch your pate, and feel for brains
In vain, gu ths last hour e publish;
And clip, and clip, and clip
The better thoughts o. others.
wepause foreounsel:
Joe, hand the Scissorsi
Jrsts, like sweetmeats, have often sour sauce.
A scolding wife is generally high-tOnsd WO-
man.
Truth Is immortal, and lie sometimes as long
lived as Methusaleh.
A mans money seldom grows more than half
as fast as his love Of It.
Why is an egg like coltH Because Il is not
fit for use until il Is broken.
Some men are like gardens enclosed by rough
stone walls-unsightly without but beautiful
within,
A triAe to fIl upa gap in the conversation
How is the Sun suppOrtedf Why, BY its
beams, Of course
II you should go into tavern for dinner and
only see one beet on the table, what would you
naturally exclaimH THAT beats all!
A person fond Of the marvellous told an i'm.
probable story, adding, as was his wont Did
you ever hear Of that before"
"No, sir" said the other; "Pray, did your"
A 6s.pounder shell burst near an Irishman
in one Of the trenches. Pat cody surveyed the
'uins the fragments had made, and exclaimed,
Be jabersl thim's the fellows 10 soften the wax
IN a mans earl" t.sl
:" Husband, why DO you destroy an my Sweet
Williams in the garden and leave all the bOunc'
ing Bctseysg" "Because the Betseys are all "a
vOrites OF mine, but won't have any Sweet VIII
liams about my premises
A gentleman Of Alabama was lying in bed
one morning, when friend stepped in and said !:
"P-, breakfast is coming on"
Let it come" replied p, with . look Of
defiance, :" am not afraid Of it."
King Henry VIII. was going to hang the
Mayor Of Boulogne for not firing royal salute
as he approached that municipality. His honor
said he had twenty-iour reasons for not doing Il,
the first Of which was, he had no powder.
/" Not word more" said blunt King Harry,
"yOu are forgiven"
There is an anecdote Of an editor out West,
who, when he was short Of matter, OF grudged
the labor Of type requisite to put il in print,
used to send out his paper with one side or page
entirely blank, merely drawing bis subscribers
attention to the fact by note. This space will
be very useful for the children to write upon"
Some blunders which have been made by bad
spoilers are quite ludicr0us. One, on closing .
letter, says, I" would write further, but have
pane in my head" Another, . shoemaker, send
ing to a friend an account Of q consuming fire,
saws: 81 have lest my Gitlr What devastat-
ing conAagr1tiOn there must have beeni
A noted physician recently joined . "spiritu-
alst" circle for the purpose Of getting some COM
munications from unknown regions. On receiV.
ing the usual signals, he inquired who It was
that was addressing him. "One Of your pa
tients wnom you killed" was the reply: The
physician did not pursue the Investigation any
further.
A pork butcher, 10 II respectfully said, Is so
far in advance Of the medical knowledge Of the
age, inasmuch as he both kills and cures Now
Il is rare indeed that doctor can achieve more
than one Of those delicate operations successfully
at time; at all events there Is no living proof
oI the two having ever been performed COM
plstely to the patients satisfaction.
Judge Dooley, of Georgia, was remarkable for
his wit as well as for other talents. At one place
where he attended court, he was not pleased with
his entertainment at the tavern. On the day Of
bis arrival hog under the name Of pig, had
been cooked whole and laid on the table. No
person hlthCkeu u. ~ was ulOukub ucNt
day, and .he next, and treated with the same
respect and il was on the table on the day on
which the court adjourned As the party fin-
ished dinner, Judge DoOley rose from the table,
and in a solemn manner thus addressed the clerk
"Mr Clerk, dismiss that hOg upon his recog.
nizance until the first day Of the next court lie
has attended so faithfully during the present
term that don't think 1t will be necessary to
take any security"
Early one morning the scholars Of one Of our
district schools were agreeably surprised to tind
written on the outside door, mo School," aud
most Of them made preparations to enjoy the
hoIiday-nOt dreaming but that it was q genuine
order. Il appeared, however, that lover Of mis-
chief more than his books had written in large
letters the joyful news "No Schulz, was the
notice posted mp; the idea was understood, but
the spelling was bad. The afternoon brought
all together; and 10 the stern visage Of the mas.
ter, enough was seen TO convince Us that all was
not right he bad been outWitted, and now came
the tug Of var. He soon ordered the boys to ap'
pear before his presence. and, one BY one, crit.
cised their spelling o. Ear as the word school
vas concerned. They stood the test, until thu
hero, with comic phiE. made isappeaFlnee, WhS
with eoandencs, distinctly Hald, "S-e-h-ul-e r
The master 1ook him by the collar, and, with {
joyful oxprsaaion q The success of the dsVico
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