White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872, 1862-06-19
(For the Chief)
WHERE Is UTOPIA!

HatterSOn nave Oceu oiteu ofkeu, ous hot as
vet answered As to who struck the interest
in Mr.. Patterson, we are as much in the dark
as ever. But after having examined the sub
jcct in its height, depth, length and breadth, con-
vexity and cavity and according to all the known
olosies, We are profoundly convinced that Uto-
pia is located in the Grand River country.
am sure it is that "undiscovcred country from
whose bournes no traveller" ifhe stays there
twelve months, "retuns."
DISTINGUISHING cHARAcrERIsrIcs OF THE PEOPLE.
The folks are from four to six feet high, very
brawny-and skin about the color and thickness
of ordinary sole-leather. (Which perhaps ac-
counts for their being leather headed.I They
originally emigrated from South Carolina, and
they have all the marks in common with that
enlightened State. They arc noted for squint-
ing, which We are credibly informed was caused
BY their taking "double sight" on everything.
Discardins lineal measure, their foot is Just ls
inches, and they use their own pedal extemities
for rule. They are singularly beautiful, be-
ing Of the color Of mahogany, and the form of a
Satyr.
THEIR INTELLIGENCE
Ia profundity incarnate. They appear to be
innately and ins inctively profound in all know
ledge. So well infor ned are they, that schools
are considered a work of supererogation. Only
some benishted heather, who have strayed
away from the East, ever think of such Yankee
notion; so superior is the natural information
of tbo cao,lo Tn aetronon;c. = ms Iad ,o tba -
have surpassed both Newton and Herschel, in
making the astounding discovery that there are
two moons. It was impaired to me in this
wise: halted over night a: the m ,nsion of a
venerable patriarch, who originally came from
South Carolina; and while gazing upon the
beauties of the upper deep, l casually remarked,
Z" How brightly the moon shines. eyes," said
the patriarch, "but the moon We had in South
Carolina was mnch larger and brighter
"Why," says !, "don't you think it was the
same moo.l7'' "The same moon" Il wish
you could have seen the look of unutterable
pity and contempt that he gave me.) "In
course it amt the same moon; it amt. near as
large As the South Carolina moon" Who
could resist such weight of evidence1 They
have also discovered (if I may mention such
things) that the earth is square, and that the
sun moves round the earth, &C.; besides haviO
explored meteorology to height never before
attained, such as the signs Of the sun, moon,
stars, &C., for killing meat, boiling meat, shin
Cling houses, (when they use shingies,) plant
ing root crops and corn, etc., which commend
10 the world Of astronomers and philosophers in
general. ~
HOW THEY DRESS.
In primitive simplicity. discarding such vul
gar things as hats and boots or shoes, leaving
their feet untrammelled, and wearing q mag.
ni6cent turban Of Alabama silk, dyed in the
most gorgeous colors. In summer, wearing q
loose robe coming down to the knees, of the
same material. only il is of an ashy white. But
when Boreas blasts the leaves and nips the
flowers, then behold them arrayed in ample gar
ments of mutton velvet. This they dye rari-
ous colors, but mostly with a peculiar kind of
lye, which they carry in bags made Of skin, and
which imparts 70 them singulariy aromatic
odor.
WHAT THEY KAT.
Discarding food made from the smaller cere-
al grains, to their epicurean palates bread made
from wheat is held in adherence. Often have
felt, while gaxing on the bounteous board,
how inadequate the English language is 10 ex-
press our "phealinks-" Behold the board!
No superfuous cloth. to be the recipient Of
fragments and discommode the guest. But the
plates, butcher knives, wooden forks. tenchers
and lin cups. are % suggestive of luxuries. that
IN indscribable feeling Of soncnea pervades
the soul; and, hark! ye gods, how the sound
Of The luxuriant pork frizzling. and the aronat-
ic odor Of burnt fat, almost drive % to madness;
and IL is only the appearance Of the approaching
viands that prevents - seidng the wooden fork,
and. raising the var-vhoop. charge in the rear
and carry OF the savory dishes. And nos be-
hold the mammoth pooe rising from the table,
as mountain Of gid, emitting its steamy va
pors on al olfactories- See that lymphatic
mass of pork floating like islands in an ocean
Of grease; and the onions. like silver oshs fille
with fragrance, causing he heart 70 feel iHde-
scribable emotions. But Who can analyse the
sweet eepsatiop, a. the eves glance to the sor-