Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1862-10-23
How TO Conquer the Rebellion.


Mr.. Orpheus c. Kerr gives the following
very Illustrative description Of a grand forag-
ing expedition by Capt. Shorty of the Macker-
el Brigade, The efficiency of the Seymour
plan. for quelling the rebellion is very neatly
polished of: sH
Upon quitting the Strawberry Festival |
returned post-haste again to Paris, where ar
rived just in time to start with Captain Bob
Shorty and company from the Comic section
of the Mackere Brigade on foragng expedi-
ton. We went to look up few straw beds
for the feeding of the Anatomical Cavalry hors-
es, my boy, and the conservative Kentucky
chap went along TO see that we did not violate
the constitution nor the rights of man.
It's my opinion, comrade," says Captain
Bob Shorty, offs my opinion my Union for
ager, that this here unnatural war is getting
worked down to very fine point, when we
can't go out for an armful of forage without
taking the constitution with us. ! think, ;"
says Captain Bob Shorty, 'that the constitu-
ton is as much out Of place here as a set of
fancy harness would be in drove of wild buff
faloes"
Can such be the case, my boy, can such be
the case Then did our revolutionary forefa-
theirs live in vain.
Having moved along in gorgeous cavalcade
until about noon, we stopped at house of a
first family in Virginia, who was just going to
dinner. Captain Bob Shorty ordered the Mac
kerels to stack arms and draw canteen in the
front door-yard, and then We entered the domi-
cll and saluted the domestic mass meetiAg in
the dining room.
I'VE come, SIR" says Bob, addressing the
venerable and high-minded chivalry at the
head of the table, "to ask if you have any
old straw beds that you do not want that can
be used for the cavalry of the United States
of America. .sAla. IA
80 The chivalry only stopped long enough to
throw couple of pie-plates at us, and then
Are YOU aocursed abohtionsts % 8 ss aG
The conservative Kentucky chap steps has
tily forward, and says he: la,s>E 10 rs9
-@ No, my dear sir,siwe'r the conservative
element nli4 ~ @ sa4 e 81
The chivalry's venerable wife. who was
female southern confederacy, leaned back in
her chair, so that her little son could see TO
throw tea cup at me; and says she:
9 You amt Tribune reporters--be you %
We were all noes, and no ayes. Quite a
feature in social intercourse, my boy.
The aged chlvalry caused three fresh chairs
to be placed at the table, and having failed to
discharge the fowling piece which he had
pointed at,Captain Bob Shorty, by reason of
dampness in the cap, he waived us up to seats
and says he; asa sa,ssa
y" Sit down, poor hirelings of a gorilla des-
pot, and learn what it is to taste the hospital
.ity of Southern gentleman. You are Lin
coin hordes," says the chivalry, shaking his
white locks, land you have come to butcher
the southern confederacy; but the Southern
gentlemen know how to be courteous, even TO
vandal foe."
Here the chivalry switched out cane which
he had concealed behind him, and made a
blow at Captain Bob Shorty.
! :. See here, says Bob Indignantly, aI'll
be-"
" Hushp' says the conservative Kentucky
chap, agitatedly, " don't irritate the old pa
triarch, OF the future amicable reconstruction
of the Union will be out of the question. He
is naturally little moved just now" says
the Kentucky chap soothingly, shut We must
show him that we are his friends"
We all Sat down in peace at the hspitable
board, my boy. only few sweet potatoes and
corn Obs being thrown al ~ by the children,
and found tie fare 10 be in keeping with the