The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-07-30
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
PIN not your faith upon lady's sleeve
except while it is round your neck.

PIN not your faith upon lady's sleeve
except while it is round your neck.
WHEN we fall upon a rock we know
how hard it is. When we are thrown
upon our resources we learn how great
they are.
WORD should be seconded 10y action {;
il isn't enough for the housewife to say TO
a stocking with a hole in it, "you be
darned."
A WESTERN paper speaks Of man
who "ded without tho aid of a physi-
cian." Such instances of death are exceed
ingly rare.
Why is young lady with nice head
of hair likely to take an atfectionato leave
of you? Because she knows how to make
a nice parting.
A GENTLEMAN whose father had been
hanged was accustomed to say of him :
" He died suddenly upon a platform at a
large public meeting"
"WHAT's COLLAR bono, Jim" "Well,
l don't know" said Jim, thoughtfully,
unless those stiff dckies have got bones
in EN-; | guess that's it."
A YOUNG lady advises us, if we are
very "hot for war" to take arms our.
selves. Perhaps, if she is pretty, we
might be induced to take hers.
THEY are getting up a new style of
hogs out West. The inventor thinks that
giving them pewter with their corn, he can
raise pig-ead. Time must determine.
"WnAr stingy fellows they must be in
New York." exclaimed n fine country girl.
"Our Sallie said she never could get a
buss without paying five cents for it,"
A JUSTICE of tho peace at Lafayette,
Ind, refuses to perform the marriage GER
emony when the thermometer is above
80, on the ground OF unconstitutionallity
ARE you not afraid your wife will
get married again when you die?" 81
hope she may, as there will be one man
in the world who will know how to pity
me-
"HAvEN'T you finished scaling that
fish yet, Sam p said fsh-monger TO his
boy. " No, master, it's very large one. "
Why, you have had timo to scale n
mountain"
"BoY, why don't you 90 to SCHOOL, 2"
"Cause, sir, daddy is afcard that if |
learns everything now | shan't have any
thing to larn when l come to go TO the
'cademy."
A REBEL paper thinks the Federal gun
boats will be disappointed in getting down
the Mississippi to the gulf No doubt
the disappointment will be such that they
will be "down in the mouth"
"WouLD you like me to give you a
dollarG''asked boy of gentleman he
met in the street. Certainly" was the
reply. "Very well, them" said the boy
"do unto others rs YOU would that 9th
ers should do unto you."
TIE man who never loved pretty wo-
man was lately seen by some Greenland
ers, going round the North Pole, all iciclc
yard long hanging to his nasal organ
and sharp nor -easter after him, whis
Ting, 80, never fall in love-"
A WITNESS, at the police court, the 9th
er day, being asked how long he hnC
known man, replied: "Ever since h
turned rascal" As This was going bacl
farther than any other witness, the tcsti
mony was considered decisive.
AN English physician was called to OK
anime the corpse of an Irishman who ha'
been killed by one of his countrymen.-
4" This person." said he, after inspectin!
tho body, "was so i'll that if he had no
been murdered he would have died hal
an hour before"
AN orator recently remarked, with NOR
force than eloquence, that the blockad
was doing its work in the rebel States
They were out Of soap with which t.
wash their dirty faces; they were out Q
every thing, including fine tooth combs
whilc every little rebel head was full Q
squatter sovercigns, looking for " thoi
rights" among the tangles.
"WELL, Pat, my brave fellow" said
victorious General to n brave son of Erin
after bloody battle, "and what did yol
do TO help gain the victory"
"Do," replied Pat, "may it plazo you
honor, l walked boldly to wun of the in
imy and cut off his fut."
"Cut off his foot! and why did you
not cut of his headp
"Ah, an faith that was of already !!
said Pat.
WHEN Mulligan's men surrendered l.
Price, at Lexington, they had no ammu
milton left, but the rebels did not know il
The first thing the latter did was to de
mand the cartridges from each soldier
On this demand being made TO an Irish
Al