The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1862-06-28
MISCELLANEOUS.
[From the Portland Transcript
Ethan Spike, on the Merrimac.

HORNY, May %, 1852.
Wot is it abeowt that ere buttin' consarn-
the MerTymack? Some say she's no longer
non est-has bust her biler, or kerlapsed her
ingine, and hes gone down to the suDterra-
mean depths of the hevn billers-which is
likewise tempestoous raound abeowt. Others,
that she's with Gineral Paramount at Mer-
nassus or Pixies Peek; but hear we most gin
orally think she's run the Observation-Disclosures
the gut of Kansas--an' is now on a rampage
daown East.
KNOWN the importance of Horribly to the
Union, its people materially feel anxious that it
should be properly defended; not that they
keer cuss abeowt themselves-but always
actooated by that sublime patriotism which
which is kalkerlated to do the greatest good
to them as practises it.
And KNOWN the inemy would strike at
Horribly flst, was sent to Orgusty as com
mittee of the hull ON the coastwise defences or
offences If we needed UNI.
faound the Governor to human nifty
perlte PERT little body he was tew.
"Hoow dew you den 2" says the Guverner,
says he, "Mr Spike" says he, 1--WE hearn tell
of you-but never did my mortual wisuals
rest upon your improvin continents. Ets
good for soar eyes, pollyfemus in the nose and
gittar in the he'd, to look at yer" says he.
told him I'd alters ben accaonted good for
them deceases, likewise putty sartin in the
An then says L.
"Guverner, haow dew yeou dew?"
"Pretty well, thank yeou," says he, Eek
ceptin bad cold which has settled on the boz
rax but If the brown creeters or GONZALES
cence don't set in, don't keer. Otherways,
I'm so as to be crawlin.n
Then we didn't both of us say nothing more
for some time. The Guverner picked his teeth,
and got aout my knife, and undertuk to
white the chair, but the first lick broke the
blade agin a nail.
fairly squaed--I was so mad.
"Blrst on your rotted nails to eternal blast
ationp' says l.
The Governor laughed.
''Hev TO put nails in all the tables an Cheers
says he, elsewhere should hev to get new
set every month. Two sets, at least, would be
whitfield up every time the gineral court sot."
was rilled, and well mought-'twas rip
per, that blade--arter honin' it on brick |
could split a hair-crossways-with bearin'
on mnch.
For mint / looked starn-but when re-
fected that / could charge it to the taown in
my bill of expenses, / mollyfied-I aout larted
the Governor.
"No consequence" says l. " the old knife
want with speckled cuss-Tse glad you had
nails in the cheer" says |.
An then we shook hands agin. RI
AFTER anuther long paws of interegnum,
the Governor looked al me kinder sly, and
says, says he:
"Mr. Spike, you wanted to see me fur some
thin?,
@Haow dew yeou know that ?r says I.
Come. come" says he, slappin' me on the
shoulder, an langhin' :" Ise heern of yeou-
yeour a cuss, a perfect daown East meter
Nick an tallerrand" says he, "but aout with
it, my old boy?"
"Wal," said |, are you aweer of the inn
portance Of Horribly to the perpetooation of
the periaydiums of the Union?n
"Wal, then, here's a nutshell - Portland.
Saouth Berwick Junction, Kennebunk, Bald
win and Blackstrop, hev all been fortified.
We air modest we dont't expect to go as high
as forty or even thirty, but we do think we
orter be fled some, ef taent MORN fifteen. Give
us a few Bombastic lotillers, a dozen or tew
each Columbar,is, Dan1 Green Parrots an
Winfield rifles, lot of procrastination caps, a
basket full of coinical shells, with steel pints.
Few revolyln' turrets to fix onto canal boats,
several or more, eff yeou have 'em TO spare, of
iron-clad monsters, ten berris Medford rum,
one ditto flaour, about 100000"
"There, there, hold on Mr.. Spike" inter-
rupted the Governor. "Yeou have named ar
maments enough for the rock of Jibbernaino-
say. What on airth do yeou want it for ?"
"lsrh Washburn," says |, the Merrymuck
Is abroadw says /.
'Po," says he, that critter was blowed up
three weeks ago.
Says L:
"Isril, it haint so, it's federal lie, that
briny behemouth Of the deep is meow on aour
coast
"Sposin' she is-haow is she going to get to
Hornby?"
"By the canawl,- says I.
"But haow can she get through the locks ?n
"Isril," says l, "she'll pick 'emr,
Sod bless my soulr says he 81 never
thought of that, I'll call counsel meetin' to-
night" ETHAN SPIKE.