The weekly Butte record., 1862-12-13
Artemus Ward IN Canada.

of Gov ment. In other words I'm tray lin
among the crowned heads OF Canady. They
arn't pretty bad people. On the coutry. they
air exceedin' good people.
Troo, they air deprived Of many blessins.-
They don't enjoy, for instans, the priceless boon
Of war. They haven't any American Egil
to ouchain, aud they han't got Fourth of
July to their backs.
Atho' this is monika form Of Gov 'ment,
I am enable to perceive much moniky. I
tried 10 get piece IN Toronto. but failed to
succeed.
Mrs. Victoria, who is Queen of England
and has all the luxuries of the markets in
cloodin' game in its season, don't bother her
self much about Canady, but lets her do bout
as she's mighter. She. however, gin'rally
keeps her supplied with a lord, who's called
Gov'ner Gin'ral. Sometimes the politicians of
Canady make it lively for this lord-for Cana
dy has politicians, and l expect they don't
differ from our politicians, some of EN- bein'
gifted and talented liars, no doubt
The present Gov'ner Gin'raI of Canady is
Lord Monk. saw him review some volun-
teers at Montreal He was accompanied By
some other lords and dukes and generals and
those sort of things. He rode little bay
horse, and his close wasn't any better than
nine You'll always notiss, by the way, that
the higher up in the world man is. the less
good harness he puts on. Hence Gin'ral Hal
leck walks the streets in plain citizens dress,
while the second lieutenant of volunteer regi-
ment piles all the brass things he can fOd
onto his back, and drags forty-pound sword
after him.
Monk has been in the lord business some
time, and l understand it pays, tho dou't
know what a lords wages is. The wages of
sin is death and postagestamps. But this has
nothing to do with Monk.
Oae of Lord Monks daughters rode with
him on the field. She has golden hair, kind
good face, and wore a red hat. l should be
very happy to have her pay me and my family
visit at BaIdiusylle Come and bring your
knittin', Miss Monk, Mrs Ward will do the
fair thing by you She makes the best slap
jacks in America. As a sapjackist, she has
no ekal. She wears the Belt
What the review was all about, I don't
know. l haven't gigantic intelleck, which
can grasp great questions at onct am not
Webster or Seymour. am not Wash
ington or Wadsworth. Fur from it. am
not as gifted man as Henry Ward Beecher
Even the congregation of Plymouth Meetin
House in Brooklyn will admit that. Yes, I
should think so. Bat while l don't have the
stest idee as to what the reviews was fur, l
will state that the sojer5 looked pooty scrump
tious in their red and green close.
Come with me, gentle reader, to Quebec-I
Qaebec was surveyed and laid cut by gentle
man who had been afflicted with the delirium
tremens from childhood, and hence bis idees of
things was little irreg lar. The streets don't
lead anywheres in partic'lar and everywheres
in gin'ral. The city is bilt on variety Of per
pendicer hills, each hill bein tride wuss nor
tother one. Qlebec is full of stone walls and
arches, and ctadels and things 1t is said DO
foe could ever git into Quebeck, and l guess
they couldn't And don't see what they'd
rant to git in there for.
Quebeck has seen lively times in a warlke
way. Then French and Britishers had a setto
there in 1859. Jim Wolfe commanded the
latters, and Jo. Montcalm the formers. Both
were hunky boys, and fit nobly. But Wolfe
was too many measles for Montcalm, and the
French was sIewd. Wolfe and Montcalm
was both Killed. In arter years q common
monyment was erected by the gen'rous people
of Qaebeck aided by a bully Earl named Geo.
Dalhouse, to these noble fellows That was
well done
Durin' the Revolutionary War, B. Arnold
made his way, through dense woods and thick
SHOWS from Maine to Quebeck, which it was
one of the bunkiest things ever done in the
military line. 1t would have been better if 3.
Arnold's funeral had come off Immediately on
his arrival there
On the Plains of Abraham there was onct
some tall ftin, and ever SINCE then there has
been a great degland for the bones of the
slew'd on that there occasion. But the real
ginooine bones was long ago carried off and
now the boys make a handsum thing by cartin'
the bones of hosses and sheep out there, and
sellin' EN- to intelligent American towerists.
Takin' Professional view of this dodge,
must say that it betrays genius Of lofty
character
1t reminded NE of inspired feet Of my own
used to exhibit wax fgger Of Henry Viii
kins. the Boy Murderer. Henry had in a
moment of inadvertance, killed his Uncle
Ephram and walked off with the old mans
money Well this statooe was lost somehow,
and nst sposin it would make any particIer
difference | substitooted the ful-grown staiooe