The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1862-11-14
MISCELLANY.
IFrom the New York Sunday Mercury.l
Orpheus C. Kerr on the Elections.


EDITOR IT. 1.-THE late election in New
York. nv boy. has electrified everybody ex-
cept our Honest Abe, who still goes about
smiling like a long and amiable sexton, and
continues to save our distracted country after
the manner of an honest man. On Tuesday
night, high, moral, Democratic chap, of much
watch-seal, who had just received dispatch
all about the election, went to see the Honest
Abe, for the express purpose of telling him
that the Democratic party had been born
again, and was on the point of protesting
against everything whatsoever, except the
Constitution of our foreiathers. lie found the
Honest Abe cracking some walnuts before the
fire, my boy, and says he:
"The celebrated Democratic organization, of
which am Assistant Engineer, has carried
the State of New York in manner impossi-
BILE to express, and will now proceed to de-
mand of you vigorous prosecution OF that
unnatural strife in which are involved our
lives, our liberties, and the pursuit OF happi-
ness We admire TO see your harmless homes
ty," says the chap, blandly. land we believe
you to be fresh egg; but we protest against
the arbitrary arrest of men which is patriots,
only conseryatiyely Democratic; and we in
sist upon vigorous prosecution OF Constitu-
tional hostties against our misguided broth
ers, who are now offering irregular opposition
TO the Government"
The Honest Abe cracked a walnut, and says
he:-"You say, neighbor, that the organiza-
ton still insists upon vigorous prosecution
of the war? ?"
The Democratic chap sliced toothpck
from the arm Of the chair with his knife, and
says he: That is the preseet platform on
which We are e pluribas ,pnum."
"Well," says the Honest Abe, Il believe that
you mean well; but am reminded of little
story.
when was practcing law out in Illinois"
says the Honest Abe, twisting the bow of his
black neckte around from under his left ear,
"there was an old cock, with two sons, living
near me, in tumble-down old shanty. He
lived there until halt his roof blew off one
windy night, and then he concluded to move
to new house, where the chimney didn't
take up all the upper story. On the day when
he moved, he'd got most all his traps changed
TO the other residence, and had sent one of
his sons to see that they were all got safely
indoors, when suddenly shower commenced
to come up. The old man, and his other Off
spring who had stayed to hurry him, were tax
ing no a carpet from the floor at the time the
first dose of thunder cracked and the offspring
says he, Hurry up, old crazy bones, or we'll
be ketched in the freshet before you get up
this here rich fabric The stern parent heed
ed the admontion, and went ripping away the
carpet around the edges of the room, until he
came near where the offspring was standing,
and there it stuck He pulled, but it wouldn't
come, and he says, says he: Pears to me that
dod rotted tack must be a tenpenny nai-it
holds on so.' You see the old screw was very
blind without his Specs" says the Honest Abe,
buttoning his vest askew, land he couldn't see
Just where the tack was. Another peal of
thunder at this moment made the irascible Off
spring still madden, and he says, says he: You
misabul ole cripple, il you don't hurry up well
be ketched, l tell yerv
A. ha ,nada this dufiftl ranartr ha tuaut
stamping to the window, and at the same mo-
ment the cantankerous tack came out, and the
aged parent went over on his back with the
carpet up to his chin. He got up and busted,
and says he: We'll. now, that Is cur'ous-how
student it WENT Then he proceeded to rip
away again until he came near the window,
and there'it stuck Nnce more. The wild Off
spring saw him tugging again, and it made him
so wrathy that he says, says he: why in thun-
der didn't you take out the nails first, you
crooked old sinner, YOU? Its enough TO make
me weep afresh for the old woman, to see how
YOU But he didn't flash his observation !;
for, as he walked toward where the hammer
lay, the tack came out, and the old'un went to
bed again under the carpet. Up sprang the
sad parent, splitting rags, and he says, says he !;
well now, how cur'ous-to think 1t came so
suddentp Still OH he went, until the carpet
was all from around the edges; but when he
tried to drag it away on bis shoulder, it was
fast somewheres vet RI rum bum -
boom! went the thunder; and says the infur-
lated offspring, says he: We'll, lever did see
such laundering old dad us you be. Well
be ketched In the rain as sure as grasshoppers I;
and all because you didn't take my advice
about the hammer in the first place. The poor
old 'un tugged, aud pulled, and painted, and
says he: We'll now, that Is curious, swuin
to MASSEY. There can't be no tacks way out in
the middle of the floor here can they?' To
make sure, the old blind pate was going down
on his knees to make mouse-eye view, when
all OF a sudden he gave start and he says,
says he: why, pears to me, Sammy, you're
standing on the carpet gourse!fp And so he
was-so he was says Honest Abe, smiling in
to the fire, "and that was the reason why the
carpet had stuck fast in so many places"
"Now," says Honest Abe, poking the Demo-
cratic chap in the ribs with his knuckles: 'if
your organization wants me to move vigorous
ly in this war, tell them not to be standing on
my carpet all the time. Otherwise, must
still keep lacking about"
The Democratic chap had been slowly rising
from his chair as this small moral tale drew
toward its exciting conclusion, and at the last
word he fed the apartment with quiyering
watch-seal.