The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1862-07-10
sl.5O PER ANNUM IN ADVANCE.
T NUMBER 5.
A Fling at Dressing Gowns.


| A Fling al Dressing Gowns.
| NV name is Albert Fling. ] am asa active,
business, married man, that is welded to Mrs
Fling. and married to business. had the mis-
fortune, some time since, to break leg and be"
fore it was mended, Madame Fling, hoping to
sooth my hours Of conv&lesceDce, caused to be
made for me dressing gown, which, on due re-
faction. I believe was modelled after the latest
STYLE of straight Jacket This belief is confirmed
by the fact that when 1 put it on. am at once
confined to the house, 'get mad" and am soperly
convinced that if any of my friends were TO see
me walking in the street, clad IN FMS apParei
they would Instantly entertain ideas OF INSANITY
In the hours of torture en9ured while wearing
it, have appealed to my dear wife to truly eeil
me where she first conceived fhe thought that
there was grain of comfort to be found IN bear
ing it on my back !! She has candidly answered
that she first read about it in divers English nov
els. and sundry American novels, the latter inva-
riably a rehash of the first In both of these va
rieties of the same species of books, the hero is
representeG as being very comfortable the instant
he dons this garment, puts his feet in slippers
picks up a paper and-goes to sleep.
A friend of mine, VINO has discovered that
Shakespeare knew all about steam engines cleo
trio telegraphs, cotton,gins the present rebellion
and gas.lights, assures me that dressing gowns
are distinctly alluded to in The Tempest
TRINcULo--o, King stephano! look wESt wardrobe
here is for thee. .
CA1BAN-Let it alone thoufool, it is but trash
Having thus proved its age, let US next prove
that it is in its dotage and is much out OF place
in this nineteenth century as monkey i'll bed
Of tulips.
We find in the Egyptian temples paintings OF
priests dressed in thsse gowns, proofs that they
are antiquely heathenish And as we always as
sociate man that wears one with Mr. Mantillnl
this proves that they are foolish. Ergo, as they
are old and foolish, they are in their dotage.
have three several times, while wearing this
gown, been mistaken for Madame Fling by peo-
pie coming to the house. The first time was
shaving in my chamber, when in bounced MISS
X, who believed, az it was rather late'
that he'd gone down town. Size threw up her
hands, exclaiming
"GoOd gracious, Fanny DC you shave -
N 3. Fanny is my wife's first nase
The second time l had brought the woadsaw
and horse from the cellar, and was exercising
myself saving up my winters wood in the sum
mer Aitehen. according to DIR. Huwls advice,
when the freshman from the grocery entered
bearing bundle. Ny back was to him, and on,
ly seeing che gay and tiowery gown, he exclaimed
in an awfully audible whisper to the cook
Sure yer mistress he's the pow er in her arms
iistE
Think Of my wife, my gentle Banny, having it1
shouted around the neighborhood that cher brute
of husband made her saw all the winters wood
yes. and split it too, and make il the fires. and
so Oh and etcetera, aud, oh lam glad my husband
isn't such monster
] turned on the Irishnlaa, and when he saw my
wAskers he quailed.
The third time was backing my boots, &C
cording to DR.. Howls advice expands ths DEL
told muscles, is Of benefit to the metacapis,
stretches the larynx opens the oilosophagers and
facilitates expectation I had chosen what
Fanny called her conservatory for my field of oP
eration-the conservatory has two dried fish
geraniums and a dead-rose in it, and lad smell
ling cat-nip bush,l whep who Should come run
ming in but the ide2ttsa Miss Z, who caught
me shaving.
Poor Fanny said she, be&ore could turn
round, do zoe BLACK the boots of that odious
brute .
Miss u said / turning toward her. fold
ing my aqns ovsr nay dressing gown spite OF
having q damp, upsolished boot on one arm and
a vet backing brush in the other hand, tor l
wished to strike position and aa awe at the
same time "Miss x am that odious brute
himself
49, Ho. nil
ay.
Nv wife went to the sea shore last summer Il
kept the house open; and staid in town cause,
business When she returned, Miss x, who
lives opposite called to see her. In less than five
minutes, my wife was sad, meaning, desolate,
injured, disconsolate, affected, eject, woman.
How-ow-ow could you DIDO it, Al ial bert 2
she calculated, flooding every itpIo came
out with tears.
DO what!
'Oh-woh, oh-yoo.wooh-w ali A
Miss x here thought proper to leave,
casting from her eyes small hardware shop in
the way of daggers at me, as auch as to say
You are vicious, and hate cheese Theatrical for
hate yel
Fanny, left to herself revealed oil to me. Miss
K, through the Venetian blinds, rad seen
gown in my room late at night.
1T is too true, said T too, too true
al lal albert, you win b-break my heart /
could tear the id destroyr-oyer ofp-ppiece to
pieces
SCENE on, said !, you shall behold the de-
stroyer Of your peace your shall tear her to
pieces, or IN be dashed if ] don't ap tired
of the blasted Sing
| grasped her hand and led her to the back
chamber. There against the wall
1T is said she,
1T isl said I, my dress gown will never
again put it on my shoulders--never. Here
goes Rip it went from tA9 tail up the back to
the neck.
Hold, Albert viii send it to the wounded
soldiers. --a.
Never They are men, bricks, warriors. Such
female frippery as this shall never degrade them
into the rag bag with it, and sell it TO the Jews
for q pair Of Ch;nn sheep or a crockery shepherd
| -VaVaos.
TramspJzns5ms in fEse highs.
From the Working Farmer
| ! friend in whose powers of observation wo
have confidence, and who is an exact experiment
er, informs US that last spring and summer ~
made the following experiments: he transplant
ed ten cherry trees while in blossom, commencing
at four O'Clock in the afternoon and transpanting
ona each hour. until one in the morning. Those
! i l,,rino, DAYLIGHT shed their Blossoms,