Council Bluffs bugle. [volume] (Council Bluffs, Iowa) 1860-1868, 1862-06-04
Nc, 4


TEE AoRAiITY or TIE axPuRaaoAs PA8EY
e Illuminated By the veaarabis Gidsel
Weliss, formerly Of Conneesiaaa, nov /
curious specimen Of human losgsEitl
preserved In the Navy Dsparsmsnt, i
tgaiy loveiy % cs1template. This dan.
cisns mariner il supposed BY many Il
be the original Captain Noah, who com.
rnanded the ark, but, as an admirer oi
that respectable sailor, deny that iideon
rarninds one Of him save siightly in his
morals, a Ts.a .-.-.4 /. ~
Noah, yoa remember, got on terrible
"rampage," drank considerable, and
committed diverse and sundry little indis-
cretions, just after landing from forty
days cruise; but il Ia common failing
for sold salts" TO do similar things. even
down 70 this day, and think, therefore,
that Captain Noah should BE- forgiven.
aaa not bs abused By odieus somparisona
bstaesn himself and Gideon - .-..
Noah had no brothers-in Law hy the
name Of Morgan. He neither married Q
Morgan, nor did any Morgan marry q
Aeah, rs far as hsardfroua. Bus, il such
relationship had existed hsaween the
Noah and Morgan families, | YexF much
doubt whether Noah's sense of prouriety
would have permitted him TO have paid
hls bFothsr-in-l&w $l4,0O0 q month for
purchasing tbs ark, or whether hIa slsxswd-
ness would have allowed him, for q mo-
mens, to think that the most economical
manner of employing man is to pay him
swo per cent. upon ali the money he can
possibly spend nor do balisye that the
ideas OF honesty then entertained by Cap
tain Noah would have sanctioned such an
arrangement.
But Gideon Welles, OF Connecticut
moral, Puritanical, Chadbaaish, nigeer-
beloVing Gideon being Of the Yankee
persuasion, and an exemplary member Of
the great IA erai reform and EetEenehm ent
Republican party, deesas it safe, expedi-
enEs and entirely Ohristiaaliks, 70 buy q
few vessels for tho navy Of the United
States through his bEother-in- Law. Gaarge
D. Morgan, another ploas Republican,
And Secretary Wellas kindly and eoone-
nieally tells George ID. AorgaA that he
cannot afford to pay him any regular sal
arg, bat that he will give the mere tFiae
--snough for Republican pakrio&-ol
two per cent. upon all the money that be,
George, can spend for ships, steamers,
&e., DC, in FIVE months.
Upon this, George d. Morgan, with
great and ardent patriotism, pitches
right into the marine dicker, and, ia hve
months, buys boats enough to make the
snug sum Of seventy thousand dollars
profit for himself, for which you and
and other people "ous west" must be
taxed.
John P. Hale, Republican, Of New
Hampshire, chairman Of the Committee on
Naval Affairs in the Senate, investigates
the whole matter, and he reports it 8
swlndie upon the Government and the
peaple-one tnat ought to meet With the
severest punisbment--a grand marine
larceny perpetrated upon the be~taxed
citizens of the United States through the
corruption and the eonnivanoa of Gid
con Welles, Yankee moraIiss and general
philanthropist from conscientious Con-
necticut.
The Van Wyck Committee prove 1t all,
and demonstrate the fact that W slles, the
Cabinet officer of ''hoaesp' ss0ld Abe, y
is regular thief, a rohber, q pirate upon
the Navy of these United States. 4
House committee prove 1t; Senate COM
miEEee endorse it; John P. Hale reitaratee
it in Senatorial speech, and the House
get Is votes TO censure this high, born
knave, and condemn him before the peo.
pie, upon the same day that they ptlsset
resolution damning with insaaceabl,
disgrace the late Secretary of War.
But Gideon Welles had patronage il
his grasp. Republican members coulc
not afford to give vote agzins& patron,
age, and so Gideon escaped.
Some years since, in western SEats
q man vas arrested for stealing hog,
He employed an attorney, informed hin
that he was guilty, and that proof woulI
be SO and so--very conclusive Of hi
guilt.
"Why," said the lawyer, scan's say
you before any sensible jury-Ynu ar
bound TO be found GUILTY. can't bel
yeu-yoa'l go where you ought to go
TO jail and disgrace"
Snow, you Just needn't give up tAa
way" said the hog thief, '.but 20 righ
into conrt, git up before that jury, pitG
10, rear, tear, 20 it, regular Fourth Q
July style, spread agle and star spangle
banner fashion, and I'lI pay you vel
and bet We wins the case and | goe
clear" -
| The hog.thiet was 80 importunale tha
the attorney agreed to make the desire
high pressure fort In his behalf, and a.
cgTdlngly s'wens in" on the jury fer q
hoaE or more. The jury retired, bus
ten minutes, much to the asboaiahmes
of the court, and particularly Of the a
torneJ, came In with verdict Of S'nt
guilty"
The attorney at once called his hos
thief client Out, and, for the gratiRsatio
OF his own curiosity, desired 10 be iE
formed how that verdict was obtaine
agaiss such overwhelming evidence, {
hia guilt. The hog-thief looked ven
crafty and, With wink Of inaffah
shrewdnsSs, said: ..-. ........ ...
"Sir, there wasn't man On that the,
Jury but what has had or is going to ha'
soEna af that same pork to fry In his oS
house."
II Hereafter, when the honegs farne
inquire how the Republican members
ths Hoass failed to eensure Wellss, lin Il
face and eyes Of bis proven guils, yosa naa
] tell the story of the hog-thief, and Of q
Jury that tried and acquitted him, al
how each juryman got bite Of the san
J pork. a.a
i Honest sold Absu still kaaps W ell
as one Of his constitutions advisers. ID
} meets with him in Cabinet Council fro
week 10 week. am afraid the hpnss
, of Lincoln will begin 20 be doubssd b
: aadrhy. 0amevon. WAlles, aud Rrsmo
. are heavy load for one hoRest saaa
j carry and endorse.
TEfApgTs sTKPaEss,
whcgp the small. sardines Of Aboliiion 10
up to ~ great whale In the sfBlaok Sea
: ID vary ane illussratioa Of the sxosasi
morality Of Abolitionism. BE il n
probably sevensy years Of agc hs is no