The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1862-10-09
The Draft in, ssalqin.,ilIe.
BY ARTEMUs WARD.
If Pm drafted shall resign.

If Pm drafted shall resign.
Deeply grateful for the unexpected
honor thus conferred upon me, shall
feel compelled to resign the position
in favor of sum more worthy person.
Modesty is what aiis me. That's
what kept me under.
| meanter say, I shall have to resign
if I'm drafted everyweres. pye bin
inrold. | must now, furrinst'aus, be
inrold IN upards of2O0 ditfernet towns.
If I'd kept on trayIin' should ev-
entoolIy becum a Brigade, in which
case could hav held a meetin' and
elected myself a Brigadeer Ginral
quite unanimiss. I hadn't no idea
there was so many of me before. But,
serisly, l concluded to stop exhib.tin',
and make Il acks for Baldinsville.
My only daughterthrew herself onto
my boosum, and said, at is me fayther!
/ thank the gods -
She reads the Ledger -ll- -
clip us yer bunch of fves, old faker!
said Artemus, Jr. He reads the
Clipper. #Tg
My wife was to the sowin circle. /
knew she and the wimen folks was
haven pleasant time sIanderin' the
females of the other soWin' circle,
(Which likewise met that afternoon,
and was doubtless enjoying theirselvs
ekally well IN slanderin the fust named
CIRCLE an | didn't send for her. l
aIlus liked to see people enjoy theirs
selvs.
My son Orgustus was playin'onto
foot. ~ ,."" ~.
Orgustus is a ethereal cuss. The
twins was bildin' cob-houses in a cor
ncr of the kitchen
It'lllcost some postage stamps to
that raise family and yet it'ud go hard
with the old man to lose any lamb of
the flock. H"ga '~ IL .#s
An old bachelor is a poor critter.
He may have hearn the skylark or
whats nearly the same thing) Miss
Kellogg and Charlotty Patti sing; he
may have bearn Ole Bull fiddle aud
all the Dodworths toot, an yet he
don't know nothin' about music-the
real, genuine thing the music Of the
laughter Of happy, well>fed children!
And you may ak their father nome to
dinner, feeling very shure there'Ilbe
no spoons missin' when he goes away.
SIGH fathers never drop tin fve-cent
pieces into the contribution box, nor
palm shoe-pegs onto blind bosses for
oats, nor skedaddle to British sile
when the country's in danger-nor do
anything that is really mean. don't
mean to intimate that the old bachelor
ijsup to little games Of this sort-not
at all-but repeat, he is a poor critter.
lie don't live here; he only stays. He
ought to pologize, on behalf of his
parents, for benz here at ALL The
happy married man dies in good stile
at home, surrounded by his weeping
wife and children. The old bacheloI
don't die at all-he sort of rots away
) ike a pollywog's tail. a.agst
My townsmen was sort O. democrat,
| lied. There was a evident desire tt
evade the draft, as | 4obsarved with
sorrer, and patritism was below Par
and M0T, too. A jew despritl
/ haden't no sooner sot down on the pi.
Any of the tavern than see sixte Ell
horsemen, ridin' four abreast, vending
their way up the STREET.
, whats them? Is it cavalry?'
"That," said the landlord, g is the
stage. Sixteen able bodied citizens has
lately bought the stage line 'tweer
here and Scotsburg. That's them.
They're stage,dnvers. Stage drivers
are exempt"
saw that each stage driver carried
a letter in his left hand.
s'The mail is hevy torday," said the
landlord. "Gin'rally they don't have
more'n half a dozen letters tween 'em
To-day they've got one apiece! Bic
my lights and liyer!"
'And the apssengers?'
tThere amt any skacely, now-davs'
said the landlord, "and what there is,
very much prefer to walk, the road
is so rough" .s..s
''And how is it with you?" I in
CURED of the editor Of the Beeg2e
Horn Of Liberty, who sot nearme
i can't 60" he sed, shakin' his
head in a wise way. "Ordinarly
should prefer to wade in gore, but my
bleedin' country bids NE stay at home.
1t is Imperative remain here fer the
purposs Of announcin, from week to
week, that or Government as about to
take rigorous measures to put doac3s
the re5cl6on.