The Burlington weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington [Iowa]) 1860-1876, 1862-10-25

LETTER FROM ORPHEUs O. KERR.
1 From the New York Mercury.
ED1roR T. Tit isa beautiful and improving
thing, my boy, to see the wise and polished mob
of a great nation paying upmitiga ted reverence
to fusey gray hairs, and much shit collar; and
hence never grow tired of considering the dig.
nihed case Of the Venerable Cannon, whom
everybody regards as the benign paternal rela-
tive of his country. When see Generals, Sen
ators, and other proprietors of Government
property, hanging breathlessy spon the words
OF this sublime old man, just as though such
w. uor dave, we're 80 many galovs feel the cause
OF Justice typi6ed to my minds eye, and am
myself enthusiastic enough to believe that hang
ing is too.good for them. Whether at Willard's
the White House, the Capitol. or in his native
Mugville, the venerable Cannon is ever the
same oenehcent being, beaming blandly upon
the whole universe from above his ruf1es, and
paternally permitting it to exist in his presence
The precise things he has done in his fearfully
long lifetime, my boy, to beget such an agony of
love and worship from every body, have not yet
come to the immediate knowledge of anybody;
but ne is the most grown oracle Of the United
States of America, and it gives me unspeakable
satisfaction to reproduce, as follows, his benign
letter of advice to the idolized General Of the
Mackerel Brigade:
NuGvILLE, July 4, 1915.
DEAR SIRxAH:-Justly regarding you as the
next President of the United States, aid an hon
ored successor of my old friend, Georgev Wash
ington, deem it proper, by reason Of my great
importance and in6rnities, to repeat in writing
with pen what have before spoken to you
with my tongue--this supplement to my printed
views (dated April the First) on the highly in
famed condition of our glorious and distracted
Union.
To meet the expectations of populace ad-
miring my venerable shape, I deem it consistent
with my retiring modesty and infrmities to die
tato to you the four plans you may pursue by
way of making yourself President of our dis
tracted Commonwealth in 1865.
l. Throw off the old and assume new des-
ignation-the sly old party; give the South en-
tire control of the whole country, and, my wig
upon it, we shall have no secession; but, on the
contrary, an early return of the entire Confeder
acy to Washington. Without some equally be-
nignant measure, we shall be compelled to fight
all the Border States, and put them down at
once, instead Of keeping two hundred thousand
soldiers peacefully employed in making their
loyalty continually sure.
|
where the Taxpayer live, or declare upon pa
| per that they are already collected.
III. Conquer the Seeded States by the un-
heard.of agency of an actual army. I think
| this might be done in few hundred years by
a young and able general to be found on some
railroad, with six hundred thousand disciplined
spades Estimating third of this number to
| EN- lin forever stationary on the Potomac, and
loss ,of still greater number by consummate
strategy and changipgs of base. The loss of
chickens and contrabands on the other side
would be frightful, however great the mortality
of the mudsills.
This conquest would cost money that might
otherwise go to beautify the South, secure if
teen swearing and deeply offended provinces,
and be Immediately followed by new election
of President in 1865.
w. Say to the Seeded States, in one of
which own some mortgages: "How are you,
Southern Confederacyw
Deliberately, remain,
| Your father and the country's,
'. CANNON.
This touching letter, my boy, recommend to
your most prayerful consideration, as a pater-
nal outpouriDg of shirt collared old age.
Old age how beautiful thou art in the glory
of thy spectacles, and the sublime largeness Of
thy stomach and manner. And yet, would you
believe it, my boy? l am sometimes possessed
of great doubtings as to the genulneness of thai
majesty which makes continually looming
Venerable Shape such blessing to an imperil-
ed land. Sometimes there comes to me rick
city vision of:
AGE BLUNTLY CONSIDERED.
As Age advances, ais and aches attend,
| Backs builded broadcast burdensomely bend
Cuttingly cruel comes consuming Care,
Dealing decisions, drivelry, despair.
| Empty endeavor enervately ends,
Fancy forlornly feigns forgotten friends;
Gout, grimly gripping, gluttonously great,
Hsstens humanity's hard-hearted hate.
Intentions imbece invent ideas
Justly iocunding Jolly jokers' jeeers;
Knowleige-keen kingdom knurlyably known;
Liuger, lamen.ing lies long-lasting loan.
Mammonly mumming, magnifying notes.
| MIXTURES numb Natures narrowest nurs'ry
| notes,
Open old ages odious Offering out
! Peevish punctillio, parrot pinlng pout.
Oualmishly, querying, quarrelsomely quaint,
!. Rousing rife ridicules' repealed restraint;
Speaking soft silliness-such shallow show
That totteriIg toysters, tckled, litter too.
Useless, ungainly, unbeloved, unblest,
Virtues vague visor, vices yelling vest,
Wheezinglv whimpering, wanting wisdom, wit,
Xistence, Xigent, Xclaims-Xit!
Youths, you're yclept youths youngest; yet
you'll yield
Zestiess ziz.zaggers zanyably zealed.
| I exhibited that pleasing little poem to a
Msckerel chap, who suffered, my boy; and he
came SO near going into apoplexv through his
endeavors TO read il, that was obliged to make
Joke, in order that he might smile, relax, and
recover.
And now let your mind fly, like weared
dove, to the celebrated Arcadian scenes of fes-
tive Accomac, where the Mackerel Brigade con
tinues to recounoitre in force, and awaits the
death of the Confederacy by old age. Men, my
bow who entered this strategic war in the full
bloom of youth, now 90 with STOPPING shoulder;
and totteriug gait winch they have a barrel O
. &c., ~ ,arrv ori the hlOpm has ipOartnd from