Pomeroy weekly telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy, Meigs County, Ohio) 1860-1866, 1862-01-17
The Crab-Apples.

will be replied to. Pine and Palm.
The Crab-Apples.
New Farce In one Short Act.
As keins performed ~ith unbounded applause =,
tWo Hemaphsres.
pRAMArIs PERsoaR.
Mr.. John Bull-A puffy, quarrelsome
old fellow.
Mrs. Columbia-A respecta BILE sch ool.
teacher, recently muck afflicted by do
mestic griefs.
Master Wilkes-One of her favoritc
scholars, very spunky little boy; and
others.
Scene-A !Schoolroon. Mrs Colun.-
bia is seated, sxrr"unded by her scholsrs.
Enter-Mr. j ohm Bull, (psry abruptly
and in tremendous ercitensent)
Johu Bull-Odds! Zounds aud but.
, tercups! Ma am, but 1 ,cM av satisfac-
ton for this ere hinsult I've been pes
tered long henough by your boys, and
| arut going to stand it no longer
Blow me tight hif | don't-hif I
don't -
Mrs C.-Bs calm, Mr.. Bull; pray be
seated; what is the mat tier, sir?
John Ball-The matter? Zounds!
Why, this morning, as one of my young
'uns was a coming 'ome, hup comes one
o your saucy himps, Vilks I think you
calls i'm
Mrs, C.-Master Wilkes, come here.
Master Wilkes aduances)
John Bull-Hup comes this ere
Wilkes, shakes his fist in my younker's 8
face, takes out of his pocket two crab
happles as the boy ad picked up some
where's, and sends i'm ome, a believing
like young bull calf.
Master Wilkes-Please, Ma'am, l
knew he stole them out Of Y. ur garden
and was hiding them to shy at our win
dows
John Bull don't care 'oose they
are, or where they come from; demand, !,
and WILL Ay EN-!
Mrs. C.-Well, Mr.. Bull, but if
John Bull-O, none O your hits to
me, Ma'am; don't come ere to Aargue,
comes ere for rsparation.# I WILL
Av THEM HAPPLEs, or by
Mrs. C.-Stop! Mr.. Bull; really Sir,
am shocked at this indecent behavior,
and despise the brutality that can take
such advantage of my weakness. You
know my Jonathan is away fighting the
sayages, or you would never dare to in
suit me 50. If Master Wilkes had
struck your 10y, for instance.
John Bull-Ah! that's just where it
is. Hif my yonker ad been brought
to yeu along with the happles, and you
ad warmed his jacket we'll for i'm, or
sent i'm hcff with hea in his hear,
wouldn't ave ad word to say.
Mrs. C.-Well then, Sir, how easily
can your grievance be settledI Here. take
the apples presenting them)-which
| am sure are not worthy Of becoming
"applos Of discord' between US. They
are two very miserable specimens: and
l am now gathering SO many millions of
them on my Southern property, that l
can we'll afford you those two poor, rot
ten, blighted things. Are you satisfied?
John Bull, (grufy,)-No; l aru't.--
| want to make hexample O. that
Vilks, and make me hamplc hapology
besides.
Mrs. C.-Well, Sir, I never told Mas
ter Wilkes to assault your boy; although
l am sorry to say that your family have
behaved very strangely to me lately;
even sheltering thieves tha. you knew
we're going to rob me. 1 wish to live
on good terms with all my neighbors,
and, therefore, regret this little occur
renee, but be assured, Sir, m,g Jonathan
,oiH some day eaN you to account for
these insults. You may depend apon my
making an example of Master Wilkes.
VIII that do?
John Bull, Very sazkily,)-1 sup
pose so. Era.
Mrs. C.-Now boys, listen. l have
many very distressing things to occupy
me just now, and, therefore-as you
love me--do nothing whatever to bring
me in contact with thas rude and over
bearing man. He is dangerous and
imonious old hypocrite, who would
set my house on FIRE for the value Of a
spool of cotton-if it served his purpose.
Master Wilkes, I am, indeed, very
proud of you, and only regret you did
not bring that wicked boy to me for
punishment. But, I have promised Mr.,
Bull to make an example of you, and,
therefore, | promote you to the head Of
your class. Now, my dear boys, you
may all have holiday.
Ereunt omnes; whistling YANKEE
Doodle."]