The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1862-12-06
=. WARD IN CANADA.

traF6u1 among Tue CEOHuSu bSdS VI N0n0
dy. They arn't pretty bad people On
the cont'ry they are exceedin' good people.
Troo, they air deprived of many blessins
They don't enjoy, for instance. the priceless
boon of war. They hav'nt any American
Egil to onchain, and they hain't got
Fourth of July to their backs.
Altho' this is monikal form of Gov ment,
am unable to perceive much monkiky. l
tried to get a piece in Toronto, but failed to
succeed
Mrs. Victoria, who is Queen of England.
and has all the luxuries of the markets, in
cloodin' game in its season, don't bother
herself much about Canady, but let's her
do bout as she's mignter. She, however,
gin rally keeps her supplied with a lord,
who's called Gov ner Gin'ral. Sometimes
the politicians make it lively for this lord
for Canady has politicians. and I expect
| they don't differ from our politicians, some
of 'em beiu' gifted and talented liars, no
doubt.
The present Gov'ner Gin'ral of Canady
| is Lord Monk. l saw him review some
volunteers at Montreal. He was accompa
MED by some other lords and dukes and
generals and those sort of things. He rode
| little, bay horse, and his close wasn't any
better than mine. You'll always notiss, by
the way, that the higher up IN the world a
man is, the less good harness he puts on
Hence Gin raj HalIeck walks the street In
plain citizen dress, while the second iieuten-
ant Of volunteer regiment piles all the brass
things he can find onto his back, and drags
forty pound sword after him.
Monk has been in the lord bisniss some
time, and l understand it pays, tho don't
know what lords wages is. The wages
of sin is death and postage stamps. But
this has nothing to do with Monk
One of Lord Monks daughters rode with
HIM on the field. She has golden hair, a
kind good face, and wore a red hat.
should be very happy to have her pay me
and my family visit at Baldinsville.
Come and bring your knittin', Miss Monk.
Mis-. Ward will do the fair thing by you.
She makes the best slaPjacks in America.
AS slap iackist, she has no ekal. She
wears the belt.
What the review was all about, don't
know. l haven't a very gigantic intelleck,
which can grasp great questions at onct.
I am not Webster or a Seymour. 1 am
not Washington or a Wadsworth. Far
from it. l am not as gifted man as Henry
Ward Leecher. Even the congregation of
Plymouth Meetin' House in Brooklyn will
admit that. Yes, should think so. But
while l don't have the sltest idee as to what
the review was for, I will state that the
sojers looked pooty scrumptious in their
red and green close.
Come with me, jentle reader, to Quebeck.
Quebeck was surveyed and laid out by a
gentleman who had been afflicted with delir-
ium tIemens from childhood, and hence his
idees of things was little irregular. The
streets don't lead anywhere in partic lar,
but everywhere in gin'ral. The city is bilt
on variety of perpendicler hills; each bill
bein' a trife wuss nor t'other one. Quebeok
is full of stone walls and arches, and citadels
and things. 1t is said no foe could ever
git into Quebeck, and guess they couldn't.
And don't see what they'd want to get in
there for.
Quebeck has seen lively times in warlike
way. The French and Brtishers had aset-
TO there in 1859. Jim Wolfe commanded
the latters aud 10. Montcalm the formers.
Both were spunky boys, and fit nobly
L ut Wolfe was too many measles for Mont
calm, and the French was slew'd. Wolfe
and Montcalm were both killed. In arter
years a common MONUMENT was erected
by the gen'rous people of Quebeck, aided
by bully Earl named George Dalhousie, to
those noble fellows. That was well done.
, Durin' the Revolutionary War, B. Arnold
made his way, through dense woods aud
thick SHOWS, from Maine to Quebeck. which
is one of the bunkiest things ever done Ia
the military line. II would have been better
had B. Arnold's funeral come off immedi-
atey on his arrival there.
On the plains of Abraham there was onct
some tall fightin', aud ever since then there
has been great demand for the bones o.
f the slowed on that occasion. But the rea
/ genooine bones was long ago carried off
and now the boys make handsome thing by
, cartin' the bones of bosses and sheep GU
there, and selin' 'em to intelligent Ameri-
can towerists. Takin' professional view
of this dodge. l must say it betrays genius
of lofty character.
1t reminded me of inspired feet of M
). own. I used to exhibit a wax fgger o
E Henry Wilkins, the Boy Murderer. Henri!
= had in moment of inadvertence, Eii.!!ed hl
Uncle Ephrsm and walked off with the oil
= mans money. Well, this statooe was los
somehow, aud not sposin' it would max
any particler difference, substituted tn
full grown statooe of one of my distinguishes
piruts for the Boy Murderer. One night
exhibited to poor but honest audience in tn
town of Stoneham, Maine. This. ladie
aud gentlemen said 7, pointing with m,
umbrella (th&t weapon which is indispensa
! BILE to every troo American) to the statooe
= this is lifelike wax igger of the notciiou
= Henry Wilkins, who in the dead of nigh
murdered his Uncle Ephram in cold blood
4 A sad warning to all Uncles havin' murder
> ers for nephews. When a mere child thi
l. Henry Wilkins was compelled to so to tn