Worcester daily spy. [volume] (Worcester [Mass.]) 1850-1888, 1862-05-08
0Morrester 9aiIg Spn.
ORPHEUS C. KERR.
Surgery In the Army-Tho Cotton Semina
ry.
From the New York sunday Mercury.

his bed, the muff1ed tread of the venerable
nurse, she comes into the room to make
sure that the brandy recommended by the
doctor is not too mild Tor the patient, the sep
ulehral shout of the regimental cat as she re
cognizes the tread of Lord Mortimer, the ser
.geants bull terrier, outside; all these are to
make the spectator remember that are but
dust, and that to return to dust is our dustiny.
Early in the week. my boy, member OF
the Pennsylvania Mudlarks was made sick in
a strange manner. A draft Of picked men
from certain regiments were ordered for per-
ilous expedition down the river. You may be
aware, my boy, that draft is always danger.
Gus to delicate constitutions, and as the Mud.
lark happened TO burst into protuse perspi.
ration about the time he found himself stand
ing in This draft, OF course, took such violent
cold that he had to be put to bed directly. l
went to see him, my boy, and whilst he
relating to me some affecting anecdotes of the
time when he used TO keep bar a member
of the medical staff of the United States of
America came in to see the patient.
This venerable surgeon first deposited
large saw, a Ratchet aud two pickaxes on the
table, and then, says he:
How do you find yourself, boy z"
The mud lark took small chew OF tobacco
with melancholy air, and says he:
think I've got the guitar i'll my head MIR.
Sawbones, and am about to join the angel
choir"
81 see how it is" says the surgeon, thought.
fully; you think you've got the guitar, when
it's only the drum of your ear that's affected.
Well, says the surgeon, with sudden pleas.
antness, as lie reached alter the saw and one
of the pickaxes, 81 must amputate your left
leg at once"
The mud-lark curled himself up in bed like
a wounded anaconda, and say he =
81 don't see it in that light"
"Well," says the surgeon, in a sprightIy
manner, 'then suppose l put fy-blistcr on
your stOmick, and only amputate your right
arm"
The surgeon was formerly blacksmith
my boy, and got his diploma by inventng
some pills with iron in them. He proved
that the blood Of six healthy men contained
enough iron to make SIX horse shoes, and then
invented the pills to cure hoarseneSs.
The sick chap reflected On what his medi
cal adviser had said, and then says he =
"Your words convince Inc that my situation
must be dangerous. must see some relative
before permit my self to be dlssected."
"Whom would you wish me to send for 2"
said the surgeon.
"My grandmother, my dear old grandmoth-
err" says the mud-lark with much feeling.
The surgeon took me cautiously aside, and
SAYS he =
"My poor patient has cold in his head and
his life depends, perhaps on the qualification
OF his wishes. You have heard him ask for
his grandmOther, says the surgeon softly,
"and as his mother lives too far away to be
sent for we must practice little harmless de-
ception. We must send for secretary Welles,
oT Inc navy department, and introduce him
as the grandmother. My patient will never
know the difference.
| took the hint, my boy, and went after the
secretary, but the latter was busy examin-
ing model OF Noah's Ark, that lie could not
be seen. Happily, however, the patient re-
covered while the surgeon was getting his saw
filed, and was well enough last night to recon-
hotter in force.
The Mackerel Brigade being still in quarters
before Yorktown, l am at leisure to stroll
about the southern contederacy, my boy; and
on Thursday paid visit to Cotton Seminary
just hey nd Alexandria, where the southern
intellect is taught to iructily and expand.
This celebrated institution of learning is all
on one floor, with large chimney and
heavy mortgage upon it, and number of win
dows supplied with ground lsss-or, rather,
supplied with certain openness as regards
the ground
Upon entering this majestic edifice, the
master, Prex Pey ton, descended at once from
the barrel on which he was seated, and gave
me a true Virginia welcome:
Though you may be a Lincoln horde, ,
of intellect recognizes you only as a man.
The southern mind knows how to recognize
II soul apart from its outer circumstances TOR
what say the lOgcians Deus est ANNA bru
torem! Take seat on yonder barrel, friend
Hessian, and you shall hear the wisdom OF
youthful minds. First class in computation
stand up"
AS | took seat, my boy, the first class in
computation came TO the front and il is my
eSjn m ppiva i'm,
pression-that each child's father was the
owner Of a rag plantation at some period of
his life.
"Boys," says the master, chow is the table
of confederate money divided? 2"
"Into pounds, shillings and pence"
Fright. Now, master Mason, repeat the
table"
Master Mason, who was germ of first
family, took his fingers out of his mouth, and
says he:
"Twenty pounds of confederate bonds
make one shilling, twenty shillings make one
penny, six pennies one drink"
Chats right, my pretty little cherubs,"
says the master. "Now go and take your
seats, and study your bowie knive exercise.
Glass in geography, stand up"
The class in geography consisted of one
small southern confederacy, my boy, with a
taste for tobacco.
"Master Wise, says the master confident
Iv. "cau you tell us where Africa is 2"
Master Wise shifted intelligently, and says
he
"Africa is situated at the corner of Spruce
and Nassau streets, and is bounded on the
north by Greeley, on the south by slavery, on
the east by Sumner, and on the west by Love-
joy" 18th. r,,o e,,,,, y ANN.
the master :'Now go back toyour chawing."
"You see, friend Hessian," says the master,
turning to me, chow much superior southern.
ers are, even as children, to the depraved
Yankees In my teaching experience, have
known scholars only six years old to play po'
ker like old members of the church, and pu,
pill of mine euchred me once, in ten minutes
/ thanked him for his courtesy, and was
proceeding to the door, when l observed Tour
boys in one corner, with their mouths so dis
torted that they seemed to have subssted on
diet of persimmons all their lives.
Venerable pundit" says in establishment
chow came the faces of those offspring SO de
formed 2"
ooh p says the master complacenty, "tha
class has been studying Carly les works"
retired from Cotton Seminary, my boy
with a firm conviction of the ability of popula
education, and hope that the day might com
when professorshp of Old Sedge would b
created in the New York University.
Yours, for higher civilization,
ORPHEUs G. KERR.
ARMY NuRsEs.-One of the surgeons q
Pitlsburg Landing writes as follows The du
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