Litchfield enquirer. [volume] (Litchfield, Conn.) 1829-current, 1862-07-10
AlisfelIanp.
AFORAGING PARTYIN VIRGINIA.
KENTUCKY CONSERVATISM.

AFORAGING PARTYIN VIRGINIA.
KENTUCKY CONSERVATORY.
A humorous writer in the Sunday Mercury
gives this amusing illustration Of conservatism
Upon quitting the Strawberry Festival re
| turned post again to Paris, where arrived
just in time to start with Captain Bob Short
and q company from the Comic Section Of TIL
Mackerel Brigade on q foraging expedition. w,
went to look up few straw beds for the feeding
of the Anatomical Cavalry horses, my boy, and
the conservative Kentucky chap went along tt
see that we did not violate the constitution mol
the rights of man.
Its my apinion, comrade,' says Captain Boil
Shorty, as we started out it's my opinion, my
Union ranger, that this here unnatural war il
getting worked down to very fine point, when
we can't 60 out for an armful Of forage without
taking the constitution along on an ass, think,
says Captain Bob Shorty, that the constitution
is as much out Of the place here as set Of fan
cy harness would be in drove Of wild buffaloes.
Can such be the case, my boy-can such be
the case2 Then did our revolutionary forefath
era live in vain.
Having moved along in gorgeous calvacade
until about noon, we stopped at the house of q
First Family Of Virginia, who were just going
to dinner. Captain Bob Shorty ordered the
Mackerels to stack arms and draw caIteens in
the front door yard, and then we entered the
domicil and saluted the domestic mass meeting
in the dining room.
We come, SIR says Bob addressing the ven
cradle and high-minded chivalry at the head of
the table, to ask you if you have any old straw
beds tnat you don't want, that could be used for
the cavalry of the United States of America
The chivalry only paused long enough to throw
couple of pie plates at us, and then says he:
Are you accursed abolitionists
The conservative Kentucky chap stepped has
tily forward. and says he {:
No, my dear sir, we're the conservative ele-
ment.' A5
The chivalry's venerable wife, who was fe-
male Southern Confederacy. leaned back a little
in her chair, SO that her little son could see to
throw tea cup at me and says she:
You amt Tribune reporters-be you?
~ We were all noes and no ayes. Quite fea-
ture in social intercourse, my boy.
Theaged chivalry caused three fresh chairs to
be placed at the table, and having failed to dis
charge the fowling piece which he had pointed
Captain Bob Shorty, by reason Of dampness in
the cap, he waved US to seats, and says he:
Sit down, poor hirelinss of gorilla despot,
and learn what it is to taste the hospitality of
southern gentleman. You are Lincoln hordes,
says the chivalry, shaking his white locks. and
have come to butcher the Southern Confedera-
cy; but the southern gentlemen knows how to
be courteous, even to a vandal foe.'
Here the chivalry switched out cane which
he had concealed behind him, and made blow
at Captain Bob Shorty.
See here says Bob, Indignantly, Ill be-
I'll, h..
agitatedly, don't irritate the old patriarch, or
the future amicable reconstruction of the Union
will be out of the question. He is naturally a
little provoked just now says the Kentucky
chap, soothingly but we must show him that
we are his friends
We all sat down in peace at the hospitabe
board, my boy, only few sweet potatoes and
corn cobs being thrown by the children, and
found the fare to be in keeping with the stua-
ton of our distracted country-I may say, war;
fare. e.
In consequence of the blockade Of the WASH
ington Ape says the chivalry, pleasantly, we
only have one course, you see; but even these
last years sweet potatoes must be Injuries to
mercenary mudsills accustomed to husks.'
had just reached out my plate, to be helped,
my boy, when there came great noise from the
Mackerels in the front door yard.
What's that? says Captain Bob Shorty.
20, nothing says the female Confederacy,
taking another bite Of hoe cake, I've only told
one of the servants to throw some hot water on
your reptile hirelings.'
As Captain Bob Shorty turned to thank her
for her explanation, and while his plate was ex-
tended, to be helped, the aged chivalry fred a
pistol at him across the table, the ball Just graz
ing bis head and entering the wall behind him.
By all that's blue I says Captain Bob Shorty,
excitedly, NOW Ill be-,
BE calm, now be calm says the conserva
tive Kentucky chap, hastily, don't l tell you
that it's only natural for the good old soul to be
a little provoked? fyou 60 to irritate him, we
can never live together as brethren again.
Matters being thus rendered pleasant, my boy,
we quickly finished the simple meal; and as Cap
tain Bob Shorty warded off the carving.knife just
thrown at him by the chivalry's little son, he
turned to the female Confederacy, and says he:
Many thanks for your kind hospitality, and
now about that straw bed ?' s
The Virginia matron threw the vinegar-crust
at him and says she: 4
My servants have already given one to your
scorpions, you nasty Yankee
Of course, says the venerable chivalry, just
missing blow at me with bowie-knife, OF
course your despicable government will pay me
for my propertyP
Pay youp says Captain Bob Shorty, holly,
now III be-
Certainly. it will, my friend, broken the con
sentative Kentucky chap, eagerly, the Union
troops come here as your friends for they make
war on none but traitors.'
AS We left the domicil, my boy, brushing from
our coats the Stops that had just been thrown up
on us from an upper window, saw the chivalry's
children training fowling piece from the rool
and hosting the flag of the Southern Confedera-
cy on one of the chimneys.
And will it be possible to regain the love Of
these noble again, my boy, if we treat them con.
stitutionally? We shall see, my boy-we shall
see. ..-
Why TROUT ARE DsAPPEAR1NG.-By some il
is charged to the sawdust, but we think it is
more owing to the destruction of forests, and
the change of temperature of the water. Ow
ing to the clearing Of the banks, many streams
from the FIRST gushing spring to their mouths al
some large river. are now exposed to the full
force of the MONDAY sun, until the water is
heated to degree as fatal to brook trout as ice
would be a tropical plant.