Daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1865, 1862-12-12
NIgRer On tho sneotnrIea.


We take the following exquisite satire
on certain conservative chaps" from one
of the last letters of orpheus c. Kerr:
On Thanksgiving Day, however, We had
skirmish of thrilling intensity. The
conservative Kentucky chap, my boy, has
got command of Company 2, Regiment !,
aud having drilled them in swearing, to
the sound Of the Emancipation ProeIama-
tion, for whole fortnight, he has brought
them TO high state of discipline and pro-
family On Thursday morning, just after
one of our scouts had cleaned bis specta.
cles, he beheid a confederate turkey emSrg-
ing from this side Of Paris, aud proceed to
iusnlt the United States OF America by
hideoug gobblipgs, The alarm was 1t
once given, and after swearing At his men
to give them confidence, the conservative
Kentucky chap led them forth to capture
the obscene bird. Onward pushed the
specialized veterans, with fixed bayOuets,
addressing their eyes with pleasant oaths,
and hoping that they might meet Horace
Greeley. '7e' - o.
The confederate Turkey was eating a
worm at the moment, and only paused
long enough to eye our troops with that
species of disdain which comes OF south
ern birth. He felt, as it were, as II he
was protected by the Constitution Of our
forefsthers. -
The conservative Kentucky chap, being
fond of turkey for dinner himself, waved
his glittering sword above his head, and
says he:
"The South has brought this upon her
self. Make ready"
He was about TO add "FireI" my boy
but he had just put on his sPeetacles, aud
a sudden change came over his kentucky
counteuauce. Says he:
"For Heavens sake, don't FIRE YalIan-
digham me- says be, staring right over
the key@"Yallaudigbam me, If / didn't
come near telling them to shoot And
there Is nigRer coming after the turkey
as sure as death. Ah what an escape II
A Mackerel chap, who had noticed his
staring and great agitation, approached
respectfully, aud says he A'il ~ .
"Does a obstacle to victory protrude 2"
The Conservative Kentucky chap spat at
o copy of the Tribune, which he threw upon
the ground for the purpose, and says he,
Notwithstanding any ProelAmatiohs what
ever, Kentucky is not waging this war
against the institntiouof slavery. In the
din distance | behold q contraband appa-
reutly approaching the turkey, and there
must be no bombardment until he has re-
turned to his rigbtful owner"
The Naekerel chap wiped his boots with
the Tribune, and says he: ar9ua ~
81 do not see our brother Africa at all. ~
Here the Confederate turkey, who had
finished his worm, turned heavily from the
scene and presently disappeared on the
other side Of Paris. 5l.l r7ei .dg
The Kentucky chap still kept staring
afAr of, and says he: roa ltg ~
.s"Why,I i Gao see him, though he appears
to be at a great distance" 80 St.
Now 1t chRnced, my boy, that while tho
Conservative Kentucky chap was saying
this, the maekerel chap gaIed at him
fixedlT, and then says he, in just astonish-
"Me thinks there Is Rn. object on one Of
the glassea of your spectacles, captain"
Frautically the Kentucky chap tore Of
his spectacles, and discovered upon one OF
the glasses an object indeed. It Was q
small picture of a negro minstrel, my boy,
cut from the show bill of SOME country,
and posted upon the speetacle8 Of Ken
tucky's rising son. It had been secretly
placed there the night before by Demo-
cratic cbsp from the Sixth Ward, 10 give u
constitutional turn ta the war.
The minds eye Of conservatism, my boy,
looks upon the war through speetaeIes 80
seldom clransed, that what most offends
Il, is more than likely 20 be what exists
only in its own looking glasses. tr zgI
Yours, respectfully, ff
@ 0RPHRUs G.. KERR.
4 . IL.