Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1862-04-24
Warietp.


the world than we'll educated family.
"Bob, how's your sweetheart gctting?'
Pretty we'll, guess she says l needn'
call any more"
READER, whether you are old or young
you have at this moment in your heart
wilder romance than was ever written.
The PERsIANs have a saying, that "Ter
measures of talk were sent down upor
the earth, and the women took nine"
To criminate and recrimnate never yet
was tho road to reconciliation. Do yor
make trial of the soft answer that turneth
away wrath?
WoMAN.-The morning star Of our
youth; the day star Of our manhood; the
evening star Of our age. Heaven bless
our stars
REFLECTIVE minds cannot be wholly
idle. Even in play, they work IN, in spite
Of themselves. Seasons of intermission
often give rise to the best thoughts.
"PAT, you are wearing your stockings
wrong side outward" "Och, and don't
I know it, to be sure; there's a hole on
the other side, there is."
A DANDY observed that he had put o
plate of brass on his boots to keep him
upright. "Well balanced, by lingo"
said dutchman, "brass at both ends" I"
The Scriptures say that "the stars in
their course fought against Sisera," and
wc know that the stars and stripes fought
in their course against the Southern re-
bellion.
TIE people of the South are entirely out
OF change, and, while the rebellion lasts,
they needn't expect any. They won't
have any for the better, and can't have
any for tho worse.
The Cairo Gazette suggests that the
Constitutional Convention of Illinois
prohibit the intermarriage of negroes and
Abolitionists, con the ground that such
connections degenerate the negro"
"My dear julia" said one pretty girl
to another, "can you make up your mind
to marry that odious Mr.. Snuff ?" "Why
my dear Mary" replied Julia, 81 believe
could take him at a pinch"
AN experienced old stagcr says if you
make love 10 widow who has q dauph.
ter twenty years younger than herself be
gin by declaring you thought they welt
sisters.
"MIcK, what kind of potatoes are thos,
you are planting?"
"Rsw ones TO be sure Be the houly
poker! and doc you think I'd be aither
plantin billed ones?"
A rtRsoN was Boosting that no had
sprung from high family in Ireland.
"Yes," said a bystander, al have seen
some Of the family SO hight that their feet
would not touch the ground"
81 SAY friend, your horse is little
contrary, is he not?"
"No, sir-ce."
"What makes him stop them"
"Oh, he's afraid some person will say
whoa and he wouldn't hear it,"
"MoTnEn," said Jemima Spry to her
venerable maternal relative, "Sam Flint
wants to como counting me tonight"
well, you jade, what did you tell him.
"Oh, told hin he might como; want
ed to see how the fool would act 7"
PRENTIcE says awe shouldn't won
der if, wherever rebels against the Consti.
tuition. such as Wendell Phillips, make
appointments to lecture, tho patriotic
hens were to commence laying rotten
eggs q week before hand"
A GETLEMAN having n horse that ran
away and broke his wiio's neck, was told
by neighbor that he wished to purchase
it for his wife to ride upon. "No," said
the wretch, 81 intend to marry again
myself"
SoME country editor gets of the follow
ing: "l'hc battle of liGc.-Courtship is
the engagement; the proposal is tho as,
sault; and matrimony the victory" Then
we conclude that treaty Of peace is made
on the appearance Of the Envoy Extraor-
dinary.
SECRETARY STANTON is said to be very
hopeful that tho war will be over Al early
as June. but Mr.. Congressman Ely shakes
his head at the idea, and gives it as his
opinion, based upon such observations as
he was able to make. that the resistance
Of the rebels will bo long and desperate.
They have a story about drunken
captain who met private of his regi.
mcnt in the same condition. The captain
ordered him to halt. and cndcavoring in
vain to assume firm position on his
feet, and talk with dignlicd severity, ex-
claimed, Private Smith, I'll give you'll
four O'Clock to gissobcr in ! "Cap'n't
replied the soldier. "as you're (hic) sigh
drunkerniam, III give you'll fvor'clock
to gissober in p
a MAN who marrics a rich wife must
expect occasionally to have it flung into
his teeth. We have hearl a report, how
ever. which we think must have silenced
such thrrsts. A gentleman who had the
misfortune to marry fortune was once
exhibiting tho fine points of his horse to
fricnd. "My horse" said the wife; "my
money bought that horse" ."--"Yes, mad,
am" replied the husband bowing, "and
your money bought me-"
81 DON'T SEE IT Lord Nelson was
undoubtedly the author of this popular
slang phrase. At the celebrated naval
battle of Copcnagcn. Nelson, who was
determined to continue the fight, but
whose attention was called to signal of
the commanding officer to cease hostili.
-