The Burlington weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington [Iowa]) 1860-1876, 1862-10-11

4 Dayonee Charge:
The collector Of original anecdotes win be
pleased to find in the present varied epistle Of
our unquestionable correspondent, another
Of those touching little domestic variations
with which our Honest Chief Magistrate is &C
customed 50 felicitously to illustrate his ideas
on momentous subject. The other matters
herein ventilated may be deemed worthy of
more general note
FROM WASHINGTON.
EDITOR 7. Tour Honest Abe, my boy,
may lack those brilliant qualities which in the
great legislator may constitute either the live
OAK scepter OF true patriotism or dexter finger
of refined roguery, as the genius to the are
pivots on honesty or diplomacy; but his ma
ture has all the sterling charac teristics of the
heartiest manhood about it, and there is smil-
ing sun in his composition which never SETS
That he is in mis- anecdotage, my boy is fact
~ 'Nobody can deny,
Or, if they do, they lie''!
yet even his anecdotes have that simple sun.
light in them whichis perhaps. greater boon
10 the high place of nation IN the dark hour,
than the most weird and perpetual haze of
crafty wisdom could be.
There was digni6ed chap here from New
York on Monday; q chap who has invented
many political conventions, and come here
for the special purpose Of learning everything
whatsoever concernig the present compare.
tive inactivity Of the sble-bodied Mackerel
Brigade.
The Mackerel Brigade, my boy, has done
little more than skirmish on the festive borders
of the well known Southern Confederacy since
the great metaphysical victory in which it
gained much applause and but few muskets,
and the dignifed conventional chap called up,
on the HonestiAbe to learn the meaning Of the
present situation.
Rumor states that it Was the Honest Abe's
hour of frsgmentsry leisure when this inquire
ing chap perforated the White House; and that
he Was sitting with his boots on the window
sill, carving fine toothpick from vsgrant
chip. -
.Mr. President" says the dignifed chap,
ahably, ''such is the agony Of the public mind
in consequence of present uncertainty in mill
tary affairs, that feel it my duty, as humble
portion Of that Mind, to respectfully request,
of you some information as the contemporary
Mackerel inactivity
"Hem!" says the Honest Abe, combing his
locks with his right hand, and placing small
bit Of the chip in the right corner ofhis Etrus-
can mouth; ''Perhsps cannot better answer
your question neighbor, than by relating
small tale:
"There was man out in Iowa who owned q
large farm, on which he raised everything but
the interest Of his purchase money, and it cost
him so little to send his crops to market that
he kept all the time wishing he could find the
crops to send. Now this man was very tena-
cious Of his rights" say 8 the Honest Abe, put
ting the argument with his jack knife-'she
was very tenacious of his rights; and when
squatter- sovereign from Missouri came and
squatted right on one of his best pieces Of land,
he determined to whip that squatter. sovereign
So he goes down one day to where the squat-
est Abe. brushing q chip from his right knee,
she goes down there. and says he to the SQUAT
ter: If you don't make tracks from here in
twenty four hours you varmint, I'll make you
smell thunder and see chain-lightning.' The
squatter threw away the axe with which he
was trimming down maple log for door
post, and says he: This is free country
stranger; and if you'll 60 to place where the
grass is thick enough to make tidy tumble,
we'll have it out to onct.' This put the old
mans dander right up" says the Honest Abe,
pulling down his vest ''this put his dander
right up, and says he Grass be darned! Here's
spot Of ground az bare as the top of Governor
Chase's head, and III jest trouble you-y' old
varmjnt, you-to find how soft It is for a
nights lodgings After this speech there was
q more to be said; SO the two geniuses repair.
ed to the bare spot, and squared away at each
other like all possest. The old man was great
on the science Of the thing" says the Honest
Abe, using the toe of one boot Jack to pull the
other half way Off" the old man was great
on the science of boxing; but the squatter had
the muscle, and in about two he was packing
gravel. Up he got again very rickety in the
shoulder-blades, and came to call like a grizzly
in bee-time, striking out with bang-up science
and would have :riumphed gloriously if he
hadn't suddenly gone to gravel again, with all
his baggage. On hisoccasion, he righted with
both bis elbows out of JOINT, and says he
You're as good as chawed up-y' old varmint
you--but I'll come back here next spring and
have it out with you Or this same spot The
squatter agreed to that, and they parted for
the time.
"Now the story of this drawn fight got
abroad, you see," says the Honest Abe, working
the blade of his jack-kniie with his thumb
it got abroad; and one dsy neighoor went to
the old 'up, and says he: There's enc thing
about that big fight of yours, Uncle Billy,
| can't understand. What made you pu: off the
end of the show till next spring ?"
"Have you seen the canssDkerous spot where
we ?"
''Truelie," says the neigbbor.
SWELL" says the old 'un, crafty, II am just
waitin' till that thar spot has trife of grass
on it,"
A. tie conclusion Of this natural little nara
tive, my boy, the dgniied conversational chap
hurried from the White House scratching his
head and really believe, my boy-I really
believe. that bis sensitive soul detected an ana
logy not gushingly fattering to national strage
~ and the President of the United States fol-
1865
Soon after hearing of this, met him at VII
lard's, and saya1: well, my sagacious Mira
beau, what is your final opinion OF our Bone 3,
Abe?"
He merely paused long enough to swear AZ 9