Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-11-01
Fact, Fancy and Fun.


What port is sought by every
living creature ?-Support.
Cutting off two feet from man is
making short work of him.
Troubles are like dogs-the small
ler they are the more they annoy you.
The young lady who took the gen,
tleman's fancy has returned it with
thanks.
Physicians should make good sal
lors, they are SO thoroughly used to
see sickness.
-Modesty in woman is like color
on her Enthusiastically becoming if
not put on.
Why is it vulgar to send a telc-
gram? Because it is making use of
flash language.
My wife said critic, is the most
even tempered woman in the world
she's always mad
The herb doctors think that, to be
healthy and vigorous, man, like a
tree, must take root.
Why is widow like a house in a
state of dilap pidation Because she
should be repaired.
-s'What blessings children are" as
the parish-clerk said when he took the
fees for christening them.
Why is mans coat larger when
he pulls it out Of ca,pet-bag? Be
cause he finds it in credses.
Can knocking a man down with a
loaf of bread strictly be called shifting
him with the s'staff of life ?''
"A man isn't likely to die from hav-
ing his head carried away in a fight, if
it's his legs that carry it away.
The man who attempted to whistle
a bar of soap has injured his voice by
trying to sing a stave of a barrel.
-"Look we'll before you leap" is a
very good advice in its way; but how
can sickly-looking people follow it?
Bread is the staff of life, and
liquor the stilts-the former sustaining
a man, and the latter elevating him for
a fall.
A young girl of the delicate varie-
ty tainted the other day when told that
gun barrels we're often exhibited with
out breeches.
Some people think black is the
color of Heaven, and the more they
can make their faces look like midnight,
the holier they are.
If a young lady were to bump her
head against the top Of room, what
article Of stationary would she be sup.
I,lied with ? Ceiling whacks.
While thousands fall by clashing
swords, ten thousand fall by corset
boards; yet giddy females Thought
less train y for sake of fashion yield
to pain.
Mrs. Partington says she has heard
Of but one old woman who kissed her
COW, but she knows Of many thousand
Younger ones who have kissed very
great calves.
1t is singular how rapid some
young gentlemen from the country lose
their color when visiting large cities.
They 60 there green and come back
done brown.
Julius, did you attend de last
meeting ob de debating society p Yes
sar.' sWell, what was de fust thing
dat cum before de house? why it,
was an old charcoal cart
"A barber was asked, what was the
reason that nature had not given boards
to women? The tonsor replied, "Be-
cause they could never hold their tongue
long enough to be shaved"
"A Partisan robber, who was seized
in the act Of stealing from the shop Of
a tabacconist, said, by way of excu.
sing himself, that he had never heard
Of law which forbade man to take
snuff.
You are at the very bottom Of the
HILL said the physician to the sick
patient, 'but I shall endeavor to get
you up again 4 fear I'll be out of
breath before reach the top was the
reply.
The redophtable X, in payment of
a cigar, pulled out q little swab of
gummy, greasy, filthy postage stamps.
Can't you give me hard money: asked
the cigar lady. Well madam respon-
ded K, i have seen very little harder
than that?'