Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1862-04-19

ARAcs AMONG TINE SHOwMEN.-A most
exciting strife has recently arisen among sew
eral of the leading showmen in this country
for the possession Of the rare dxdyf who has
recently appeared upon the horizon Of dwarf
dom. and is described as follows:
The smallest dwarf in the world is undoubt-
elly Commodore Mutt. Of Manchester. \. II.
He was born April 9. 1Si4. hence is eighteen
wears Of age, His sponsorial appendage is
George Washington INIT. He is the son Of
Major Rodnia Mutt, thrifty and highly re-
spccted farmer Of the above town. Special
attention has been bald to the education Of the
picmy Commodore. He is not only a good
English scholar, but is also tolerably proficient
in tue French language. lie amuses himself
in farming. especially in driving the team.
having quite passion for horses.
lie is also fond Of hunting and fishing. and
is bright and GRACEFUL specimen OF minute
humanity. being symmetricailv formed. and
mos, polite and refined gentlemen. In stature,
he is inconceivably small. All other dwarfs
tower rs giants bv his side. General Tom
Thumb with whom Mr.. Barnum created such
a furore in Europe. some years ago, stands
thirteen inches higher than Commodore Mutt.
.boots and ALL" Liberal overturcs have
been made bv our first showmen for the pri-
vicge Of exhibiting the little Commodore TO
the public. but his parents. and. indeed. the
little Mutt himself. have decided objections TO
his being mad. "a show" Of General Tom
Thumb called on the little man short time
since. 1t is said that, after looking down
upon him for some time, General Tom ex-
elaimed, well. Commodore Mutt, l must
,.o,, ,r, lar.l mt IN crack w
-
Az INclDE>T.-A few nights ago. says
the Placerville Republican. young man
while proceeding home with a lighted lantern,
amused himself by singing TO the tune Of
Dixie" ,
sin eighteen hundred and sixty-,lree,
Well hang Abe Lincoln on tree
Away down South in pixic!'
Suddenly slipping, he fell into the mud, and
extincuishcd his candle. Rising he appealed
for a light to a stranger who had been walk
ing behind, also with lantern. He received
the following reply, uttered in rich Irish
broguc -" Divil bit ov light jist for
singing ov that dirthy song! An fur two
pins, I'd give yez clout in the but of the lug
and sind We sprawlin' OIL the broad ov yer
back agin % The asionished and discOm-
fitted singer, {who by the way is not seccsll,)
very discreetly increased the distance between
himself and the strong right arm of the right
feeling Irishman, with the conviction that he
had been properly punished.
A Coon WAYTO MAKE "HARD TINES. -
Refuse to pay all little bills, although you
have the money in your pocket; push men to
pay you who havn't the money, although you
can get along without it ifa man don't meet
his obligations Just at the time they become
due, report that he is about to "burst;" cut
down the wages of your hands before it is nee
cssary keep back all grain from market until
the price gets up to starvation rates : use
money in speculations that you should pay
your creditors with; forget that unnecessary
retrenchments" increase hard times instead
of lettering them; carry long face and talk
long and monrnfnlly of evils to come - these
and other acts like them, and 8" hard times "
will surely come, however little cause there
may be for them
How ARRANGED.-Rebels can be divided
into three great primary classes, viz: l. Sur
rcnderers. 2. Evacuators. 3. Rcsolvcrs The
Surrendercrs are known by having two flags
one white and one black. They run up the
black when the Federal troops get in sight,
and after vOlley or so the white one is
elevated The Evacuators are only noted for
the celebrity of disbursements. Price is an
Evacuator. The Resolvers are harmless set
ofiokers, who while away the listless hours at
Richmond, in passing resolutions to'tbe effect
that the ports shall be thrown open, and that
they "nerer NEVER NEVER will submit
We EXPECT soon to read accounts of the San
culinary Surrenderers," the "Evanesccnt Eva
cuators," and the Rampant Rampaging Rem
ovating Resolvers." -Shasta Courier.
COULDN'T INOCULATE Secession INTO
HIM "A Sansome street mei chant had be-
come somewhat and very properly alarmed
about the smallpox, so he visited his physi-
clan for the purpose Of being vaccinated, but
was very particular that the vaccine matter
should be from healthy person. After some
conversation on the subject, the Doctor sug-
gested, "there's DR.. HIS child, who is very
healthy child, and"-
"It'll never do |" said the merchant, "It'll
never do!''
"Why not, pray 7" asked the Doctor.
"Because," said the merchant, his eyes
beaming with patriotism, because its father
is Secessionist. and you amt going to inoc-
ulate Secession into me in that manner" He
took the risk of smallpox in Preference
Bulletin.
A SUGGEsTiON.-I'he Shasta C0xrier
makes the following practical suggestion con-
corning the white rag chivs:"
The United States ore now feeding about
10000 rebel prisoners. II is but fair that they
should, ifpossiLlr. le made to support them