The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-07-02
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
WE suppose that man who never
speaks may be said TO keep his word.

speaks may be said to keep his word.
SnoRT-nosed men should't complain if
every body snubs them, since nature her
self set the example.
GENIUS will always work its way
through" as the poet said when he saw
hole in the elbow Of his coat.
"MAMMA," said a promising youth Of
some four or five summers, "if all peo-
pie are made of Dust amt niggers made
of coal dust"
TIE love of the beautiful and true, like
The dewdrop in the heart Of the crystal,
remains forever clear and liquid in the in
most shrine Of tho soul.
A CITIZEN of Hallowell has taken n
fancy to the head of dog that howls in
his vicinity, and offers five dollars for a
sight Of his head, minus tho body.
You want a flogging, that's what you
want" said parent to his unruly SON.
81 know it dad, but III try and get along
without it, replied the Independent brat.
owe ought to love our father and
mother BEST hadn't we, Janep "Yes,
George" Yes, that's right; cause if
we don't, we shall be sure to get a whip
ping"
~ SAY, Mr.. Impudence, what are you
doing with your hand in my pocket 9"-
81 axes your pardon, mister, but in this
here cold vether Won scarcely knows we're
Won puts vons and"
MOTHER" said Ike Partington, "did
you know that the iron horse has but one
ear?" "One ear! Merciful gracious,
child, what do you mean?" why, the
engiu-ear, of course"
"DoN'T you think I'd make an ex-
celent soldierP said weak-kneed
gentleman to his patriotic wife. "Yes,
indeed" was the instant response, "an
admirable granny dear"
"HAs the dog been bitin' you, sir ~
40, ali ughw "Vell, l thought there
was something the matter with him, COS
he wouldn't drink muffin for two days,
and so | vost jist agoin' TO muzzlo him"
A GENTLEMAN was accosted by poor
loafer who asked for charity. Il will re-
member you next time," replied the gen.
tleman. "Pleasc your honor" said the
loafer, "I don't credit, l deal on the cash
principle"
A YOUNG damsel was telling one of her
admirers, after church, that she had been
trying call meeting .imc," TO get him to
look at her, but without success. al am
very sorry, but | really didn't catch the
eye DEAR"
PRENTICE says Pillow damns Buckncr,
and Buckner damns Pillow, and the only
thing in which they agree is in damning
Floyd, while Floyd, in his turn, damns
them both, and the world, in its turn,
damns all three.
A MARRIED lady consulted her lawyer
on the following question, viz: "As
welded Mr.. T. for his wealth, and that
wealth is now spent, am | not to all in
tents and purposes widow, and at liber-
ty to marry again|
A SHOEMAKER being at work, his awl
broke, whereupon the shoemaker cursed
his useless instrument. His wife then re-
minded him that he was breaking an ex-
press command of Scripture which says,
swear not at AwL."
A NoDLEMAN wished Garrick TO be n
candidate for tho representation of n bor-
ough in parliament. "No, my lord," said
the actor, Il would rather play the part
of a great man on the stage than the part
of fool in parliament"
Moan Webster thus expounds easy
words with hard ones: "a boil" he
says, "is circumscribed subcutaneous
inflammation, characterized by pointed
pustular tumor and suppuroting with n
centeral core; perunctus."
SOME one was telling an Irishman that
somebody had eaten ten saucers Of ice
cream; whereupon Pat shook his head.
$50 you don't believe it?' With n
shrewd nod Pat answered, 81 behave in
the crane, but not in tho saucors."
"MY schoolnastcr," says Carlisle, "was
good Latin scholar; and Of the human
mind no knew this much, that it had n
a faculty called memory, which might be
reached through the muscular intcgumcnt
by the application of birchen rods"
Ar what times do your omnibusses
start 7" asked Londoner, lately, Of Que
of the conductors. "Our busscs," re-
piled that functionary, "runs n quarter
arter, arf arter, quarter to, and at" In
English this means "evory quarter Of an
hour
WHAT case is Mr.. MaddIc" asked q
country school master. He's hard
case, thir,' answered tho boy. "Wrong;
Al. y -