The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1862-07-26
VOL. XXII---NO... 49.
How I came to get Marr,e1.

got rib and a boy Shadows dsr...sS
oyster stews, brandy cocktails. eipar
boxes, bootjacks, abseonGltDg shirt h,,s.
tons, Whist and dominoes Shadows nra.
sent-hcop skirts, band boxes, ribbons.
CATERS, long stockings, juvenile dresses,
TIN trumpets. little willow chaise, cradles
oios' paps, sugar teats, paragoric, hive
syrup, rhuharb, castor oil, Godfrey's cor.
diai, soothing syrup, SIENNA, salts, squills,
ana doctor bills. Shadows future-more
nine pound babies, more hive syrup.
etc, etc
Ill just tell you how I got caught
was always the darndest, most tea cu..
tard, bashful fellow you ever did see it
WAS kinder in my line to be taken with
the shakers every time I saw q pretty gal
approaching me, aud Id cross the street
any Tune rather than face one; 'twasn't
because didn't like the critters. for if (
was behind tree or looking through n
knot hole, | couldn't look at ono fo,y
enough Well, my sister Lib gave a nartS
one night, and stayed away from home
because ] was afraid to face the music
hung around the house whlstlipe Old
Dan Fucker, dancing to keep INV feet
warm, watching tho heads bobbinx up and
down behind the window curtains. and
wishing the laundering party would break
up SO could get to my room. smoked
bunch OF cigars, and as it was getting
late and mighty uncomfortable / cencInd.
ed 10 shin up the door post No sooner
said than done, and soon found mvsef
snug in bed Now" said /, "Iet her
rip! Dance till Your wind gives out"
And cuddling under the quits, Morpheus
grabbed me. was dreaming Of soft shell
crabs and stewed tripe, and was having q
good time, when somebody knocked at
the door and woke me up. Rap again. l
LAID low. Rap, rap, rap Then Lib sings
out:
Jack, are you thereg'
Yes, says |. Then came a roar Of
laughter
" Let US in, says she. -....,
~ won't, says l. Cant you let Q
fellow alone?'
Are you bed p says she.
"l am says |. Then came smother
laugh. By thunder! began to get riled
Get out, you petticoated scare-crows,"
cried l, cant you get beau without
hauling fellow out Of bed? won't 60
home with you-l woE't so YOU NAV
clear out And throwing a boot st The
door felt better. But presently, oh.
mortal buttons heard still small voice.
very much like sister Lbs, and it sail:
Jack, you II have to get up, foy ali the
girls things are III there.'
Oh, Lord, what pickle Think Of mo
IN bed, all covered with shawls, muffs.
bonneis aud cloaks, and twenty girls out
side the door waiting TO get in. If had
stopped TO think l would have pankaked
on the spot. As it was, rolled out among
the bonnet ware and ribcons in q hurry.
Smash went the millinery in every direc.
/ ton. had TO dress in the dark, for there
was crack in the door and girls ,eiH
peep-and the way fumbled abou was q
death to straw hats
The critical moment came I opened
the door and found myself right among
the women. oh, my leghornr' cried
one My dear darling winter v.lve, !"
cried another, and they pitched in-they
pulled me this way and that boxed nv
ears; and one bright eyed little piece, Sal
" her name was, put her arm, around
| my neck and kissed ME right on my ips.
human nature couldn't stand that, and
gave her as good As she sent IL va, the
hrst time that ever got taste, and it
/ was powerful good. believe I could
/ have kissed that gal from Julius Cesar to
/ the 4th of July. f. .
Jack, said she, will you see mo
home? 2
Yes" said I, "I will
did do it, and had another smack st
the gate, too. After that we took kin
der turtle doving after each other, both
of us signing like barrel of new cider
when we were away from each other
Twas ut the close of glorious summer
day. we We're down in the orchard, sitting
| together on log, my arms around SaIa
waist, she was toying with my auburn
locks of jet black hue; she was almost
gone and was ditto She looked like q
grass-hopper dying with the hiccups. and
felt like a mudturtle checked with q
Goldfish ball. -..-.
Sal" says I, in 3 voice musical as the
notes of dying swan, "will you have
me?' .-
She turned her eyes heavenward, clrsp-
ed me by the hand, had an attack of the
heaves and blind staggers, and with sigh
that drew her shoe strings clear out, and
then squatted in my lap; she cor kscrewed
and | curhumexed and rolled bach ia it.
hugged her until ! broke suspenders,
and her breath smelt Of onions she had ate
the week before. Well, to make long
story short, she set the day, we practised
for four weeks every night how we would
walk into the room to get married, till we
got SO we could walk as graceful as q
couple of Muscovie ducks.
| AH0 'f"t' tuc 'pibphuy, anu tue mIl-
ister came; the signal was given, snd arm
in arm we marched through the crowded
hall. We were just entering the parlor
door when down went kerslap on the
!. oilcloth, pulling Sal after me- some cuss
had dropped banana skin on the floor
f and ioored me- split an awfrl hole in
my cassimeres, right under my dress coat
I tail. 1t was too late to back out, SC
cIapping my hand over it we marched in
: and were spliced, and taking q seat
!. watched the kissing the bride operatios.
. My groomsman was tight, and he kissed
her until jumped up to take . slice,
when, oh, horror a little six year old
imp had crawled behind me, and pulled
|. my shert through the hole in my pants,
: had pinned it to the chair and injumping
dis played TO the namiring case Of the
( astonished multitude trifie more white
J, muslin that suited my ideas Of good taste,
!. and retired as soon as possible. when Ill
!, :, my troubles, for the time, ended.