, 1862-07-10
The Great Nose Lawsuit.

try places particularly, there prevailed sort Of
mania for litigation, which nothing but q total
loss Of property could cure. To have been de-
frated in q suit, was q cause Of notoriety, and TO
have been victorious was such an indication Of
superior int lligence and sa7acity, as to insure
to the successful individual the highest Offices Of
| the town. It was amusing to see the hustle and
preparation which preceded the session Of the
county court, the well filled wagons entering the
town on every side, with litgaDts and witnesses,
lawyers and spectators, all arraysd in that extra
| fine apparel which was specially consecrated to
| Sunday and Court week. Then the clustering
Of witnesses for the purpose Of being drilled in
What they were to say, aud particularly in what
they were not to say, for at that time courts
were about as far from being the sanctuary Of
justice as they now are, and were regarded as
theatre for the display Of ingenuity in cross ex-
animation on the part Of the lawyers, and
shrewdness in eluding questions on the part Of
the witnesses In fact, Court-week to the people
Of New England afforded pretty much the same
opportunity for excitement and the spending
Of money, that race-week does to their Southern
brethren.
On one Of these occasions, there happened to
be q lawsuit between two men who had been en-
gagged in quarrel, in which one had bitten off
the nose Of the other. He that had lost that inn
portant appendage to his face was deacon Of the
parish church, the other was clerk Of the town.
And as they were both high public fnnctiona-
ries, so the lawsuit promised to be Of great
interest. As the memorable speeches which
were made on the trial have never been recorded
in the books, II may be Of use to the future as
pirants for legal fame TO give q brief outline Of
the powerful arguments which were made, taken
from the notes Of Q listener upon the occasion,
and which have descended with other valuable
papers to him who now publishes them to the
world -
Gentlemen of the Jury-This Is probably the
most important trial that has ever come before
any court instituted since the memory Of man.
II Is not, as some would suppose, simply the
question Of damages between Deacon DrOne and
Squire Swank, but from the official character Of
the parties it becomes a question between the
church and the town, or, in more general terms,
between Church and State or more general
STILL between Religion and Politics. You see
then what important considerations this nose
biting involves; and though approach so mo-
mentous asdbIeet with fear and Trembling, |
shall endeavor to lay down the law with fidelity
and truth. In the first place. II d wen estAb-
lished principle Of law, that damages should be
estimated according TO the particular value Of
the damaged article TO the possessor. The loss
Of an eye to man who had only one eve In his
head would be greater Inconvenience than to
Razor VS.. Cleaver, Blackstone, Rep, Lightning
W. Locomotive, 9 Burrows. What, then, Is the
value Of the article lost on this occasionl The
nose, gentlemen Of the jury, is perhaps the most
important portion Of the human body, both for
ornament and utility. Although, in most cases,
comparatively small, Of so much consequence
was it deemed by him who first regulated the
shape and features of man, that 10 it was as.
signed the most conspicuous place in the very
middle Of the "human face divine" 1t was de-
signed to take precedence Of every other part
and every man properly put together is so con-
strueted as TO follow his nose. 1t was copsti-
tuted the leader in all movements in advance,
and against Il, as the most prominent Of all that
appertains to man, are usually levelled the at
tacks Of an adversary, It being wisely judged
that if this member can be knocked out Of the
way, the person having no nose TO follow will
naturally take to his heels II is the seat Of
dignity and pride. For many have been the in
stances where man has suffered every other in
suit with meekness, who has had all the energy
and courage Of Julius Cesar aroused by sud-
den tweak Of the nose. And l have always
thought more Of the wonderful discrimination
Of the immortal Shakespeare from the fact Of his
having given such an interest to the nose Of
BarhOlph. Il is remarkable circumstance, gen.
tlemen, that in all the mutations Of fashion, from
the time when our first parents walked forth in
puris naturalibus, down to the present day Of
towuers and bishops false hips and false bosoms,
and all the multifarious paruphernalia Of the fe.
male toilette, which render the shape Of woman
as undiscoverable as pasteboard and buckTam
can make ii, the nose alone has retained its ma
tive proportions, majestic in solitude, unchanged.
unmuEzlcd. Even now long hair, whiskeFs and
moustachos that would astOnish even a goat,
threaten to take possession Of the head, and
every trace Of honest humanity would be lost,
did not the nose erect its bold peak fro II amidst
this wilderness Of hair, and give one sign at
least that man had not changed bis nature.
But, gentlemen, Independent Of the general
importance Of the nose, there are some circun-
stances which gave Il particular and special
importance to the Plaintiff in this case. Not to
mention the injury which his melOdious voice
has sustained BY this infliction, he had began to
fail in his eyesght, and his nose was particularly
necessary for the use Of spectacleS But alas,
the Defendant has forever deprived him Of that
convenience, by ruthlessly destroying the bridge
on which his spectacles rested. And in esti-
mating the damages, you are to consider not
only the value Of his nose, bnt Of his eyes and
the melody Of his voice. The Defendant was
also in the habit Of using snuff. Now, gentle.
men, II is the object Of law to protect individu
ais IN the innocent pursuit Of happiness and en-.
jSymPnt, and well may we admire the purity Of
nlb cnutActeIy WIN euOuh Ohly SeeN W. P'eeSu'O
In such harmless practices Of this enjoyment,
ton, has the Defendant dePTited him. From this
time henceforth, shall his faithful fingers, laden
with their accustomed gifts, seek for the nose
| Of Deacon DrOne, but shall not find II, for the
place which once knew il shall know Il no more.
The last consideration shall mention, and the
most important, Is the fact that the Defendant In
this case Is . bachelor. Although his head,
where any hair is leil. Ia sprinkled with white,
and wrinkles have made their inroads upon eash
side Of the nose that was there, he had for hity
years INDUCED the Aaitering expectation Of ob'
laining partner for his declining age. Alas,