Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1862-01-05
TIE HUmORIsT.

g say, Jim, what mechanical work did you
do first 2 asked one darkey Of another. why, cuf teeth,
OBJ course replied the other, instantly.
Snooks was advised to get his life insured. Won't do
it, said he, 1T would be just my luck TO live longer, if /
should" Mrs Shocks merely said Well 1 would not
my dear"
his spee;acies on, said, =" gentlemen, l shall use nothing
but what is necessary. Then" said Mingday, take
cut one Of the glasses of your speetaeles"
A ship was recently lying in the harbor Of New Or
leans, when an Irsn emigrant one day came aboard, and
thus addressed the eoos, who was also Irish Are you
the mater NO" said be, but l am the snsn Is tpils
the mates"
QUAINT DIALOGUE N THE BACKwoODs "A pas
sing traveller met with a settler, near a house, and mquir-
ed" Whose house 2" "Moggsr "Of what built
Logs" ANY neghbcrst' Frogs" Whats the
dietT Hogs" "How do You catch themt' Dogs
IRREPARABLE.-A clergyman who was eoasoling a
young widow on the death of her husband, spoke in a
very serions tone, remarking that he was one Of the
few-such ajewel of Christian1 You cannot find his
equal, you well know To which the sobhing fair one
replied with an almost broken heart, IN bet l wilT7
SaoOks wonders where al the pillow eases 20 TO. He
says he never asked a girl what she was making, when
she was engaged in white sewing, without having an an
swer, " a pillow case" Yes they have to a" make shift
as best as they can, and answer anything. a gentleman
once asked a young lady Of his acquaintance, +" What
are you making, Miss Knapp 2 'Knapsacks,' was the
quick reply.
At a small town mp the river, a young lawyer, who
thought himself some made eertan proposals at a
town meeting, which was objected TO by a farmer; high Y
enraged ne suQtO the farmer, Sr. do You know that !
nave been at Two universities and st two colleges in each
university " Well, sir" said the farmer what Of that
/ Lad a cali that sacked three cows, and the observation I
made was, the more be sucked the greater calf he grew
A friend of ours was called to give evidence in a court
held by a justice of the pesce in an adjoining county.
Accustomed 10 the stad Of pT0priety Of the higher courts
eur readers can judge Of his a~stonishmen; - hraaing one
o. the lawyers talk 20 the Justice aftef tah fashion
" May il please your honor, / did not intand - become
excited in this cause, but bEf yoH are 50 iaferHal stupid that
all efforts to control my temper are unavailing.'
A TrEE urr~ A roaT sf.-~ "a -,TI - a V.,Loa
who went for the first time to a bowling alley, and kept
firing away at the pins 10 the imminent peril Of the boy
who so far from having anything % do IN " setting up"
the pins, was actively AZ work IN .endeavoring 10 avoid
the bali OF the player, which ratified on all sides Of the
pins without touching them Al length the fellow seeing
the predicament the boy was in, yelled out, as he let fly
another ball, Stand in among the pins, if ye don't want
to get hit"
A young chap boa ded at one OF the no els ia San
Francisco and manag- d for a long lime, by on artitce
or another, 10 postpone the payment Of his bill. At last
the landlord became very impatient, and stepping mp to
his boarder, slapped him on the shoulder, and asked him
Tor some money. " ! have not q red cent about me at
present" was the lac0nic reply. But, my dear sir, 1
cannot afford TO Keep a boardinghouse without being
paid" Wei, sir, exclaimed our young philosopher, if
you cannot AFT I'd it. sell out 10 somebody who can"
NJ dear" said an anxious father to his beautiful
daughter, Il intend that you should be married, but l do
not intend that you shall throw yourself away On any of
the wild, WORTHLESS boys OF the present day. You must
marry a man Of sober and mature age one that can
charm you with wisdom and good advice, ra.her than
with personal attraction. What do ven think Of a fine,
Intelligent mature husband Of fifty p The timid. meek.
blueeyed little daughter looked in the mans face, and
with the slightest possible touch of interest in her voice,
answered, " ! think two Of twenty would be better, pa"
CAN'T Die BEFORE YOUR TINE COMEs.I knew an
cid man who believed that what wa 10 be, would be-
He lived in Missouri, and was one day going cut several
miles through Il region infested, in the early times, with
very savage Indians He always took his gun with him,
but this time found that seme one Of the family had II
out As be would not go without IL, some of his friends
tantalzed him by saying thai there WA no danger Of the
Indians; that he would not die until his time came, any
how. " Yes says the old fellow, " but suppose was TO
meet an Indian and his time had come, il wouldn't do
not to have my gun"