Litchfield enquirer., 1862-05-08
HOW sur LovEGooDs DADDY ACTED

He's spreadin' his tail to fly now! ....... Keep him whar he is Y ' <'
 ;d Woa, shavetailI'sI s..,F5i,eze.si ..siis p 7 i,e These and like expressions were addressed t
 a queer-looking, long legged, short-bodied, small headed, white-haired, lhogleyed, funny sort of { store and mounted on Tarpoke,' nick-tailed long poor boss, halfbrandy, halfdevil, and en veloped all over in perfect network of bridle reins, cruppers, martingales, straps, surcincles red ferretin, who refined up in front of Pat Mack grocery among crowd of wild meuntaineers full of fight and bad whiskey.
 Isay, you darned ash-carts, jist keep your shirt. on, will ye. You never seed raal hoss till rode up. Tarpole is jist next to the best hos that ever shelled nubbins,. and he's dead as z ill-worm, poor old Tickytailr
 | 'What killed him, Sut, said an anxious in
 Why, nuthin, you tarnal fool! He jist died died standin' up, at that. Warn't that good pluck? Froze stif-no, not that, adzacly, but starved fust, and then froze afterwards, so stiff that when dad an me pushed him over, he jist stuck out so, Spreading his arms and legs like a carpenters. bench, and so we waited seventeen days for him to thaw afore we could skin him. We'll, thar we was-dad an me-(counting on his fngers.) Dad an me, Sal, an Jake, (Fool Jake, we used to cali him for short, an Phineas, an Simeon, an Jonas, an Charloteann, an Cal line Jane, an Cashus Henry Clay, an Noah Dan Webster, an me, an the twin gals, an Cathrine Second, an Cleopatry Antony, an Jane Lind, an Tom Bullion, an the baby, an the prospect, an marm herself, ali left without a hoss to crap with. That was a nice mess for a 'spectable family to be slashin' about in, warn't it? 1 be darned if I didn't feel like stealth a hoss sometimes We'll, we waited an rested, ,koI that some stray hoss mout come along, but dog my cats, eff eny such luck as that ever comes whar old dad is, he's so dratted mean, an lazy, an ugly, an savage, an trihin'!
 Well, one mite, dad he lay awake all mite a snortin an rollin an whispern' at a mann, an next mornin,' sez he :-
 Slut, I'll tell you what we'll do {; I'll be boss myself and pull the blow, while you drive me, and we'll break up corn-g ground, and then the old quilt Chats marm) and the brats kin plant it or let it alone, jst as they d-n please
 So out we goes to the Paw-paw thicket, and peeled right smart chance of bark, and mann and me made gears for dad, and they become him nightly; then he would have bridle, so l gifts an old umbrella what found-it's a little forked piece of iron, serter like onto a pitch fork, ye know-and we bent and twisted it sorter untu brde-bit, small shape, dad wanted it ttS Ho ohlS uc NOlhGu lOE SOule liiucJ and he might sorter feel his oats and go to cavor- tn.) Well, when we got the brde all fixed on dad, he chomped the bit jist like boss. (he al was most complicated durned old fool, eny how, and nam always said so, when he warn t about,) then put on the gears, and out dad and me goes 10 the field, q leading dad by the bri- de, and totin' the gopher plough OH my back. When we come to the fence, let down a gap and made dad mad-hc wanted 10 jump the fence on all fours boss way. l hitchei him to the gopher, and away we went, dad leaniu' for ward to his pullin right peart, and we made sharp plown, dad gon' rite over the bushes and sprouts, same as rale hoss, the only difference he went on two legs.
 Presently we cum to a sassafac patch, and dad to keep up his karacter as hess, bulged square into it, and tore down hornet nest nigh onto as big as a hoss' head, and all the tribe xiv cred him right strate. lie rared and kicked once or twice. and fetched squcal wus nor ary hoss in the district and sot into runnin' away jist as natural as ever you seed. 1 let go the lines, and hollored, woa, dad, woa! ]! but you might as well have said woa to a locomotive. Ge whillikins how he run when he cum to bush he'd clear the top of it, gopher and all i; p'raps he thought there must be another settle ment ov bald hornets in it, and that it was safer to go over than thrue, and quicker done; every now and then he'd paw one side of his head with fust cue fore leg and then t'other, then he'd gin himself an openhanded slap, that sounded like a wagon-whip, and running all the time, an karrien that gopher just about as fast aud high from the yearth as ever a gopher was karried, l swar!
 'When he cum to the fence he busted right thrue it, tearing down nigh onto seven pannels, scatterin' and breakin' the rales nightly, and here he left the gopher, gears, singletree, and kevls, all mixed up, not worth durn. Most ov his shert stuck on to the splintered end ov bro- ken rale, and nigh onto pint of hornets staid with the shert, a stinging it all over the balance ov 'em, about gallon and half, kept on with dad. He seemed to run adzacly as fast as hor- net could fly, for it war the tightest race I ever did see. Down thrue the grass they went, the hornets making it look sorter like smoke all around dads bald head, and he with nuthin' on but the bridle and nigh onto yard ov plough line sailin' behind him.
 1 seed now that he was aimin for swimmin hole, in the kreek, whar the bluff is over twenty five feet perpendicular to the water, and it's nigh onto ten feet deep. To keep up his karacter as a hoss, when he got to the bluff he jist leaped off, or rather kept on running. Keresplurge in to the kreek he went; l saw the water fly plum above the bluff from whar l was. Now, rite thar, boys, he overdid the thing, if that was what he arter, for there's narya hoss ever folded durn- ed fool enough to leap over sich place; a cuss- ed mule might have done it, but dad warnt act ing mule. l krept up to the edge and looked over; there was old dads bald head, for all the world like 9 peeled onion, bobbin' up and down, and the hornets a sailin' and circlin round, turkey y-buzzard fashion, and every once Tn while, one, and sometimes ten, would make a dip at dads head. He kept up a rite peart dogglng under sometimes they'd hit him, and sometimes they'd hit the water and the water was kivered with drowned hornets.
 What on yearth are you doin' thar, dad ? sez I. (dip) after me?
 'What,' sez I, them are hoss flies thar; ye ain't really afraid of them, are ye?' Hoss- flies T sez dad they re rale (dip) gen. uine bald hornets, you (dip) internal cuss
 'Well, dad, you'll have to stay till mite; and arter they go to roost. you cum home and I'll feed you l! ...4 .....sl a.r .
 And knowing dads unmodiGed natur, I broke I from em parts and sorter cum to the copper mines. I staid out until the next arternoon when I seed feler travellin, and sez It. l What was going on at the cabin this side o the creek when you passed itT
 'Why. nuthin' much, only man was sitting in the door with nary shirt on, and a woman was greasing his back and arms, and his head was about as big as ten-gallon keg, and he hadn't tne % mrst slgn of an eye, all smooth
 That man is my dad,' sez l.
 Been much ftin' in this neighhorhood late l ly?' sez the traveller, rater dryly.
 Nun wuth speaking of, personally or partic ssA Now. boys I hainst soar doSa s;.. .5 r.,,l.