The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-12-31
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
SUGAR of Lead--A sweet, pretty girl
without brains.

FREEpoM OF the Press-Soucczing
eighteen into an omnibus.
NEVER look Cor The milk Of human
kindness in the pale Of civilization. li
SoNG Of the liable-to-be Drafted {"
would l were a boy again"
EVEN if your heart is in cause, it
doesn't follow that you should "put your
foot in it, dgd aaat Hs/ 'giaa5.
"THrs is really tho tour (tower) Of Ba-
BEL" as the old bachelor said when lie
walked round the nursery. ia- taup
AN architect proposes TO build Bach
elor's Hall which will differ from most
houses in having no Ewes.
AN exchange says, il you want kind
Of money that will stick to YOU through
any trouble, use postage stamps.
The " Good Book says that "a man
shall cleave unto his Wife" This accounts
for lover, before marriage, aring a girl
to halve him. l121ga I'm ~
D.vID Fender, "popping the question"
in a letter, concludes thus: "And sho'd
you say 'yes,' dear Mary, will truly be
your ID. Fender"
A PHILOSOPHER who had married a
vulgar but amiable girl, used to call her
" Brown Sugar" because, lie said, she
was sweet, but unrefined. "
WARS powder bringiug?" asked a
dealer Of Squigsby, who was looking over
the market report. Powder" replied
the funny man, +" is bringing rebels TO
their Senses" ...
The meanest man in the world lives in
West Troy. In helping him out of the
river, once, n man tore the collar Of his
coat. The next day he was sued for as
sault and battery. 'i. ti" 'a
In Brazil, tho common form Of intro
duction is said to be ms follows: I" "Allow
me to introduce TO your acquaintance my
friend, Mr.. Jones; if he steals anything |
am accountable" .t...,.
Why are sheep the most dissipated,
reckless and unfortunate of creatures -
Because they gambol in youth, frequent
the turf, think il no disgrace TO be black
legs, and are often fleeced. $40.
~ "SnAKsPEARE haunts me night and
day." said a stage-sirutting hero. "That
he is so haunted is not TO be wondered
at" said by-slander, for he has mur-
dered him in everything he has under
taken" q" OF ic-i5. ''ali''nf =
A MAN sentenced to be hung was Wis
tied by his wife who said: /" Ny dear,
would you like the children to see you
executed" "No," be replied. "Thats
just like you; you never wanted the chill
dren TO have any epjoymentw
A WITNESS at the police court, the
other day, was asked how long he had
known n man, replied, sever since he had
turned rascal" AS this was going back
further than any other Witness the testi-
mony was considered decisive. .
A SUPERINTENDENT of Police once
made an entry in his register, from which
the following is an extract: "The pris
oncr set upon me, called me an ass, q
precious dolt, n scarecrow, ragamuffin
and nm idiot, all of which / certify to be
true" -fa.sag'.
A GENTLEMAN while engaged in cate
chising n number of boys in a class, ask
ed one of them the definition of matri-
mony. The reply was: "a place Of
punishment, where some folks suffer for q
time before they 60 to heaven" Good
boy, go take your seat" tH
The Northampton (Mass.) Courier
says that at late wedding in an adjoin-
ing town, the bride, who had just es.
poused her third husband, requested the
guests to sing the hymn Of which her first
husband was $50 fond," commencing,
"hark from the tombs." Phancy tho
pheelinks of the happy bridegroom.
In attempting TO carve fowl, II new
setter found considerable difficulty in sep
arating its joints, exclaimed against the
man who sold him an old hen for a young
chicken. any DEAR" said the enraged
mans wife, "don't rail so at the aged and
respectable Mr.. Bush; he sowcd the first
field Of corn that was grown in the place. y
al know that" said her husband, "and
| believe this hen scratched it upw
AT n public "tea party F" recently held
in one Of our country towns, where SEN
timents were in order, timid bachelor
was bold enough to remind TIE ladies that
leap-year was upon them, by offering the
following:
" Three long, weary years I have waited fol
this,
Now If you'll pop the question, I'll surely say
yes"
To which the lady promptly responded
as follows:
"The man without courage to do his own WOO
ing,
May do his own washing, and baking, and sew
ing"