Weekly Trinity journal., 1862-04-05
The journal.
Letter from Orpbcus G. Kerr.

HulSuCu lnc sfunDlefS Dy proving t0aJ the enter
tanment was strictly constitutional lie pro-
1oundy observes, my boy, that it comes under
the head of that clause of the Constitution which
secures the people of America the pursuit OF
happiness; y and as he justly remarks, if you
stop the pursuit of happiness" where's the
In.trument Of our Liberties?
1t pleases me greatly to announce, my boy,
that the General of the Mackeral Brigade believes
in Mcclellan and gorgeousy defends him against
the attacks of that portion Of a depraved press
which has friends dying of old age in the army
OF the Potomac.
Thunder" says he to Capt. Bob Shorty,
stirring the Oath in his tumber with tooth
brush" the way Little Mac is devoting himself
TO the military squelching of this here unnatural
rebellion is actually outraging his physical ma
ture He reviews bis staff twice day, goes
over the river every five minutes, studies inter
national law six hours before dinner, takes sound
ings of the mud every time the dew falls and
takes so little sleep that there is two inches of
dust on his eyeballs Would you believe it,"
says the General, placing the tumbler over his
nose to keep off fly, 80 his dcvotions are such
that his hair is turning gray and will probably
dyeW
Capt Bob. Shorty wbistled. l do not mean to
say that he intended to be muscallly satirical,
my boy but if should hear such canary
bird remark after Id told story, somebody
would 90 home with his eyes done up in rain
bows
"Permt me-" says Capt. Bob Shorty, hurling
what remained Of the Oath into the aperture
under his mustache. 1" You convince me that
Little Macs devotion is extraordinary" contin-
ned Captain Bob Shorty, dreamily "but he
don't come up to chap once knew which was
editor. Talk about devotion and Outraging
nature" says Captain Bob Shorty, splitting with
exquisite accuracy, into the eyes of the regi-
mental cal, "why that there editor threw body,
soul and breeches into his work ; and so com
1lle al fad wifi tran md
lighened press, that his first child was news
boy"
The General of The Mackeral Brigade arose
from his seat, my boy, wound up his watch
brushed off his boots, threw the cat out OF the
window, and then says he
Robert" name of Shorty, &c did you ever
read in the Bible about Ananias who was struck
dead for telling telegraphT'
Z" heard about him., says Captain Bob Shorty,
"when was but an innocent lamb, and wore my
mothers slipper on my back about as often as she
wore it on her foot"
Well" says the General, with the air of
thoughtful parent, "it is my opinion that if
you'd been Ananas the same streak of light
ming would have buried you, and paid the sex
ton"
From this logical and vivid conversation, my
boy, You will understand that our leading mill
tary men have perfect faith in the genius of Nc
Clellan, and believe that he is equal to fifty
yards OF the Star-Spangled Banner. Ills great
naconda has gathered itself in a circle, around
the doomed rabbit of rebellion, and if the rabbit
swells, he's goner.
This great anaconda, my boy, may remind
hcllish readers of an anaconda once seen hy n
chap of my acquaintance living in the Sixth
Ward This chap my boy, came tearing into
place where they kept the Oath on tap, and says
he:
I've just seen an anaconda down Broadway"
"Anna who ~ says the red-nosed Alderman,
dipping his finger into the water on the stove to
see if it was warm enough TO melt some brandy
and refined sugar.
Il said Anaconda, you ignorant cuss," says
the chap.
ABR says the Alderman, " somebody's been
stutlin' you"
"No sir ~ says the chap; "but somebody's
been stnffn the Anaconda though"
He'd been 10 the Museum.
If there should be among your unfortunate
readers, my boy, any persons Of such depraVed
minds as TO perceive likeness between this
Anaconda and that Anaconda, may they be sent
10 Fort Lafayette, and compelled to read Tup-
pers poems until the rabbit of rebellion is re-
ducod to his his last quarter!
Early this morning a couple of snnf-colored
pickcts brought female Southern Confederacy
Into camp, stating that she had called them
nasty things and spit all over their guns. She
said she wanted to see the loathsame creature
when they took her by the arms, that her veil
took fire twice and her eyebrows smoked repeat
edly.
The General of the Mackeral Brigade received
her courteously, only poking her in the ribs to
see if she bad any Armstrong guns concealed
about her. Says he:
" Have the honor Of addressing the wife of
the Southern COniederacy q
The female COnfederacy drew herself up as
proudly as an +. +. " when the butchers bill
comes to be paid, and replied, in soprano of
great compass
:" am that injured woman you, ugly swine y
The General bowed until his lips touched the
pewter mug which was Oh the table, and then
tays he:
"Aly dear madam, your words touch a tender
chord in my heart, and it will give me pleasure
to serve you. Your words madam continued
the General, with visible emotion, are precisely
those which my beloved wife, not unfrcquenuy
addressed to me. All, my wife! my wifey !"
says the General Historically, "bow often have
YOU pattcd me on the head and told me that my
face looked like chunl; of beeswaX with three
cracks in it,"
The wife of the Southern Confederacy sneered
audibly and called for a fan. There being no
fan nearer than the Office of Secretary Welles,
Ahe used a small whisk broom. Says she
"Miserable birelng Of diabolical Lincoln,
your wife is nothing to me. She is a creature !!
do not come here to hear her wrongs, but to
express the undying wish that you and all your
horde may be welcomed with muddy hands to
hosptable graves. All l want is to be let
alone"
My dear Mrs. S. c., " says the General with
touch Of brass and irony, :" is a matter of
the utmost Indifference to me whether you are
10 be let alone or with the next house and
lot"
II insist upon being let alone" says the fe-
male Confederacy, splitting angriy
- am not touching you," says the General.
"All want is to be let alone" shrieked the
exasperated lady "and will be let alOne!
The General Of the Mackeral BRIGADE hasti-
ly wiped his mouth with bottle, aud then says
he
MADAM, if sandwiches are not plenty where
you come from, il amt for want OF tongue"
On hearing this gastronomic remark, my boy,
the injured wife OF The Southern Conlederacy
swept from the room like an insulted Minerva,
and departed for Secessa 1t was observed that
she frowned like thunder cloud at every FEEDER.