Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1862-04-10
PATENT SERMON.

TEXT "If ignorace be bliss, It's folly
to DO wise"
This is great and momentous truth
Wisdom is only to be attained by long
and dreary experience, deep thought and
extensive study, and by the time we have
made a reasonable advance in its acquire
ment, we kick the bucket, and end the
game; but ignorance is always ready to
step in to our defence, and when aided by
impudence will pass at par, while wisdom
and common sense are at heavy discount.
If you would make a show Of yourself, |
mask your ignorance and assume a good
share of impudence, and you can hardly |
fail to succeed. If you want TO make |
people think you are learned in naval
matters just step into Jehieis shed cham
Der and look at his boat, and talk learned
" of the fight between the Monitor and
the Merrimac, and show the gaping
crowd how the rebels might have been
sunk before they had time to do mischief.
Then explain how a single she'll dropped
into the magazine Ofthe Merrimac would
have fabergasted the whole concern
The next thing to be amplifed is to show
that if the twist of the rihed cannon had
been greater, and the shot made in the
form Of screw auger, they would have
bored such holes in the plating that the
Merrimac would have made first rate
cullender. This done, straddle horse,
ride two consecutive days Through the
camps at the rate Of 10 miles day-go
within seven miles of Manassas, and
within mile of McClellan's headquarters
look at a quaker cannon from q respect
/, i'll distance, aand rnen take smack with
some phthisicky old doctor whose ham
and meal holds out, and then you are
, ,valifed to 'astonish the natives. You
can make them see that Mcclellan was
ouswitted and is no General-that it was
his duty to have waded through the mud,
, in spite of the President and Secretary of
War; and drive the rebels from their
strongholds before they had time to leave
S them; and in that way he might have
stopped the eating of great lot of his
, own men, and saved to the country a
large sum in their board, besides clothing
and wages Then describe Mrs. Lin
coins dress, give the exact breadth Of
her farthingaIe and the length Of her
train hint modestly, for she is a lady at
her sympathy with the rebels-and then
describe Old Abe's lantern-jaws and long
legs-and then by way of giving a
finishing touch, describe the length and
finish ofthe rebel joctoleg and the comeli-
t ness of the Niger philibeg, and you will
make a great strike without the slightest
! aid from common sense or wisdom.
. If after all this is done, and the hounds
swallow your logic, you can demonstrate
how much better it is to attack an enemy
! in his own chosen Notifications than by
! extensive combinations. and foolish strate-
! gic movements to drive him from them
# without fight, and attack him in the
open field. By this management you
will be voted smart, and you will aid the
a poor forlorn rebels by doing all you can to
h diminish and weaken the confidence Of
/, the country and army in their own chosen
e leaders | do not go so far as one writer
S did, who said
"A little learning is dangerous thing
1 for | think very little learning is quite
e useful both to ignorance and impudence.
: May you all improve upon these hasty
= hints, and greatly profit thereby in laying
up large stores of bunkum and shoddy.-
Amen and Amen.