The Portland daily press., 1862-10-23
MISCELLANY.
PETER AND HIS WIFE.
From the Norwegian.


a cat when you are-trying to strangle her. He
would have been insufierable had not Heaven.
In its mercy given him wife who was match
for him. She was headstronC, quarrelsome,
Hiscontented morose, always ready to scream
at the top of her voice the moment he opened
his mouth.
1t was great fortune for Peter to have such
a spouse Without her, would he ever have
known that patience is not the merit OF fools
One day> in the moving season, when he
came home after fifteen hours of hard work, i'm
verse humor than usual, and was swearing,
cursing, and execrating all women and their
aaziness, because his soup was not yet ready
for him, his wife exclaimed:
"Good heavens, Peter. You talk away at
fine rate. Wenld yon like to change places?
Tomorrow will NOW instead of you, and
yon stay al home and play honsekeper. Then,
we'll see which of us will have the hardest task
and come out OF it best"
"Asreed.n thundered Peter "Youl have
chance to find out, once for all. what "A poor
husband has to suffer. The trial will teach you
lesson of respect-somethng you greatly
need"
So the next morning, at daybreal, the wife
set out for the field, with the rake over her
shoulder and the sickle by her side, all joyous
at the sight of the bright sunshine, and singing
like lark.
Now, who felt not little surprised and a
little foolish, too to find himself shut up ut
home? Our friend, Peter the Greybeard.
Sill he wasn't going 10 own himself beaten,
bus fell To work churning butter as though he
had never done anything else all the days of
his life.
It's no hard matter to get overheated when
one takes on new trade, aud Peter, soon feel
ing very thirsty, went down into the cellar to
draw mug of beer from the cask. He had
Just knocked out the bung and was applying
the spigot, when he heard an ominous crunch
ing and grunting overhead. 1t was the SOW,
devastating the kitchen.
"Oh. heavens, my buffers lost! yelled Pc
ter the Greybeard, he rushed pell-mell up
the steps, with spgot in his hand What a
spectacle was there! the churn upset. the
cream split all over the floor, and the huge sow
fairly wallowing in the rich and savory tide.
Now even wiser man would have lost all
patience. As for Peter, he rushed upon the
brute, who, with piercing screams. strove to
escape; but it was hapless day to the thief.
for her master caught her in the doorway and
dealt her so well applied and vigorous blow
on the skull with the spgot that the sow fell
dead on the spot.
As he drew back his novel weapon. now COW
cred with blood, Peter remembered that he had
not closed the bung-hole of the cask, and that
all this time his beer was running to waste,
So down he rushed again to the cellar. For
tuuateiy, the beer had ceased to run, but then
that was because not drop remained in the
cask.
He had now to begin his mornings work
again, and churn some more butter if he eX-
pected to see any dinner that day. So Peter
visited the dairy-house, and there found cream
to replace what he had just lost. At it he goes
again, and churns more vigorously than ever.
But in the midst of his churnng, he remem-
bers-a little late, to be sure, but better late
than neyer-that the COW was still in the sta
Bile, and that she neither had food nor water,
although the sun now was high above the ho-
rizon. Away he runs, then, TO the stable. But
experience has made him wise.
I've my little child there rolling on the
floor. Now If l leave the churn. the greedy
scamp may turn it over, and something worse
might easily happen in my absencer'
Whereupon he takes up the churn on his
back, and hastens to the well to draw water
for the COW. The well was deep.and the buck
ct did not go down far enough, so Peter leans
with all his might upon the rope, and away
goes the cream out of the churn, over his head
and shoulders, into the well.
"Coniound it~ said Peter, between his
teeth, Its clear I'm to have no butter to-day.
Let's attend to the COW; it's too late to take
her out TO pasture, but there is IA fine lot of
hay on the house-thatch that has,'t been cut,
and she'll lose nothing by staying at home"
To get the COW out of the stable and put her
on the house-roof was no great trouble for the
dwelling was set in the hollow on the hillside,
so that the thatch was almost on level with
the ground. A plank served the purpose of a
BRIDGE and behold the COW comfortably in
stalled in her elevated pasture. Peter of
course, could not remain upon the roof to
watch the animal; he had to make midday
porridge and take ii to the mowers. But he
was prudent man, and did not want to leave
his cow exposed to the risk of breaking her
bones; so he tied small rope around her
neck, and this rope he passed carefully down
the chimney OF the cottage into the little kitch-
en- below. Having effected this, he descended
himself, and entering the kitchen, attached the
other end OF the rope to his own leg.
"In this way" said he, II make sure that
the COW will keep quiet, and that nothing bad
will happen to her"
de now filled the kittle, dropped into it a
good lump OF lard, the necessary vegetables
and condiments, placed it on the well-piled
faggots, struck fire with flint and steel, and
was applying the match to the wood, blowing
1t well the while, when, all at once crash
crash! away goes the COW, slipping down off
the root, and dragging our good man, with one
leg in the air and head downward, clear up
the chimney.
What would have become of him. no one
can tell, had not thick bar of iron arrested
his upward course And now, there they are,
both dangling in the air the COW outside and
Peter within; both, too, utterng the most
frightful cries of distress
As good luck would have it, the wife was
just as impatient as her husband, aud after
waiting just three seconds to see whether Pc
ter would bring the porridge at the stated
time, she started off for the house as though it
were on fire. When she saw the COW swing
ing between heaven and earth, she drew her
sickle and cut the rope, greatly to the delight
OF the poor brute, who now found herself again
on the only sort of floor she liked.
1t was a change no less fortunate for Peter
who was not accustomed to gazing at the sky
with his feet in the air. But he fell smack in
to the kettle, head foremost. 1t had been de-
creed, however, that all should come out right
with him that day; the fire had died out. the
water was cold, and the kittle awry, so that he
got of with nothing worse than a scratched
forehead, peeled nose, and two well-scraped
cheeks; and, thank heaven! nothing was bro
ken but the saucepan.
When his better half entered the Kitchen
she found Master Graybeard looking very
sheepish and bloody
well! weW said she, planting her arms
akimbo, and her two fists on her hips; "who is
the best housekeeper, pray? / have moved
and reaped. and here / am as good as | was
yesterday, while you, you. Mr.. Cook Mr.. Stay
at-home, Mr.. Nurre-where's the cow and
where's our dinner? If our little ones alive
yet, no thanks to you. Poor little fellow
What would become of it without kind and
careful mamma?"
Whereupon Mrs. Peter began to weep and
sob. Indeed, she had need to: for is not SEN
sibility womans field of triumph and are not