Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-07-26
A Foraging Party in Virginia
KENTUCKY CONSERVATISM.

A humorous writer in the Sunday
Mercury gives this amusing illustration
OF conservatism
Upon qultttns the strawberry festi-
vsii, l returned post haste again to
Paris, where | arrived just in time to
start with Captain Bob Shorty and a
company from the Comic Section OF
the NJ ,ckerel brigade on a foraging ex-
pedltlon. We went to look up few
straw beds for the feeding Of the Ana
tontcal Cavalry horses. Ny boy, and
the conservative Kentueky chap went
| along 10 see shat We did not violate the
constitution nor the rights OF man.
Its my opinion, conrade," says
Captain Boo SHORTY, "a We started uut
- IT'S my OPINION, my Union ranger,
, that TINS here ui.natUral war Is getting
worked down to d very tine point, when
We can't go out fer an arnful OF forage
| without taxing the constitution along
OH All ASS. | tnlnk that the conatitu-
ton Is as much out OF place here as d
set of fancy harness would be IN q
drove Of wild Dutfliues.'
Can such be the case, my boy, can
suc, be tn,. case ? THen did our revo-
iutlonary torefathers live i'll vain.
Having moved along in gorgeous
cavalcade uutil about noon. we stopped
at The house of First Family of Vif-
ginia, who were just gong To dinner.
Captain Is DO Shorty ordered the Mac
kereIs to stack arms and draw canteens
in the front door yard, and then we
entered the domiclle and saluted the
domestic mass meeting i'll the dining
room. .-..--.
I'VE come, sir" says Bob, address
ing the Venerable and high-minded
chi1alry at the head of the table, "to
ask you il, vou have any old straw beds
tnat you dou't want, that could be used
for the cavalry Of the United States Of
America
The eilivalry only paused long
enough to throw q couple Of pie plates
at Us. and then says he
Are You ;ecursed abolitionists p
The conservative Kentucky chap
stepped hastily f'rwar aud Says he:
No, my dear sir, we're the conser-
vatlve clement" r
The chivalry's venerable wife, who
was a female southern coafeoeraoy,
leaned back d little i'll her chair, so that
her little son could see to throw tea
cup at me, AMI says she:
You amt Tribune reportefs-be
you r
We were all noes and no eyes
y Qute feature III social intercourse,
my boy.
The aged chivalry caused three fresh
chairs to be placed at the table, and
having failed to discharge the towlng
piece, which he had pointed at Captain
Bob Shorty, by reason Of darnpneSs, in
the cap, he waved Us to seats, and says
he:
Sit down, poor hirelings of a gorilla
deSpot, aud learn what 1t is to taste the
hospitality OF a southern gentlens III.
You are lincoln hordes," says the
chivaIry, shaking his white locks. 'aud
have come To baIcher the south 4rR con-
tedracy; bat the southern gentleman
knows npW to be Courteous, even 10 Il
vaiidal foe.
Here the chivalry switched out a
cane which he had concealed behind
hun, and made blow at C4ptaln B,p
Shorty.
see here" says Bob Indignantly,
"I'il be'-
"IIu>hn' says the eonservaL v Ken
lucky cnap, asltatediy. "don't lrrlCate
the Old patriarch, or the future amlca-
ole Reconstruction Of the Union Will be
out OF the question. lie is naturally
litue provoked, just now," says the
kentucky chap, soothiagiy, "but we
must show hlna that we are his trlends.''
We all sat down in peace at the
hoSpitable board, my boy, only q few
sweet potatoes aud corn, cobs being
thrown ny children, and found the fare
to beili keeping with the situation OF our
distracted countrs-ll may say, warfare.
s.IIi CONSEQUENCE Of IN blockade OF
tie Washington Ape" says the chival-
ry, pleasantly, I'VE onl y have one
course, you see; but even these last
years sweet potatoes must bs lnxuries
to mercenary mudsiIIs accustomed to
husk - ~ a< E e ,H~z
had jast reached out my plate, to
be helped, my boy, when thele came a
great noise from the MackereIs in the
front door-yard.