The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1862-07-15
Foraging. Party In Virginia.
g Kentucky Conservatism.


i A humorous writer in the Sunday Nero,
ny gives this amusing illustration Of conservl
tisn: Ht
Upon quitting the Strawberry Festival
returned poet haste again 10 Paris, where
arrived just in time TO start with Captain Bo
Shorty and campany from the Comic Sectio
OF tho Mackerel Brigade on foraging exped
tson. We went to look up few straw bed
for the feeding Of the Anatomical Cavalr
horses. Ny boy, and the conservative Ken
tucky chap went along to see that we did NJ
violate the constitution nor the rights of man
'It's my opinion, comrade," says Captai
Bob Shorty. as we started outfits m
opinion. my Union ranger, that this here un
natural war is getting worked down TO yer
fine point, when we can't get out for an arm
ful Of forage without taking the cousti,uIio,
along on an ass. think" says Captsin Bol
Shorty, ",hat the constitution is as much ou
Of place here as se,t Of fancy harness woul,
be in drove of wild buffaloes."
Can such be the case, my boy--can such b,
the casea Then did our revolutionary fore
fathers live in vain.
Having moved along in gorgeous csvalcade
until about noon, we stopped at the house o.
a First Family Of Virgins who were Just go
ing to dinner. Captain Bob Shorty ordered
ihe Mackerels to stack arms and draw can.
teens in the front door yard, aud then we en-
tered the domici and saluted the domestic
mass meeting in the dining room.
"We come, SIR" says Bob, addressing the
venerable aud tigh,minied chivalry AT the
h' 'ad of the table, "lo ask you il you have
any old straw bells that YOU don't want. tha.
G 'uld be used for the cavalry of the United
Sta,es Of Americaf"
The chivalry paused only long enough to
throw couple of pie plates at us, and then
says he:
"Are you accursed abolitionistsa"
The conservative Kentucky chap stepped has
tily forward, and says he:
"No, my dear sir, we're the conservative
The cbvalfy's venerable wife, who was fe
male Southern Confederacy, leaned back a
little in her chair, so that her little son could
throw tea cup at me; and said she:
"You amt Tribune reporters, be yon?"
We were all noes and no ayes. Quite a
feature in social intercourse, my boy.
The aged chivalry caused three fresh chairs
TO be placed at the table, aud having failed to
discharge the towing piece which he bad
pointed at Captain Bob shorty, by reason of
danpness in The cap, he waved us to seats,
aud says he:
"Sit d. wn, poor hirelings Of gorilla des
pot, and learn what it is to taste the hospiali-
ty OF Southern gentleman. You are Lin
coin hordes." says the chivary, shaking his
white locks, "snd have come to butcher tho
Southe'n Confederscy, but the Suuher gem
lleman knows how to be courteous, even TO
vandal foe.'
Here The chi,alry switched out cane
which he had concealed behind him, and
made blow at Captain Bob Snr'y.
''See here," says Bob, indignantly, @PIl
"Hnsh" says the conservative Kentucky
chap, agi,a.ed;y, don, i'ritate the old palri
srch, or the future amicable reconstraction of
he Union will be out Of the question. He is
naturally little provoked just now" says the
Kentucky chap, sootbingly, "but we must
,ht W him that we are his friends"
We all sat down in peace at the hospilable
board. my boz, only few sweet potatoes and
.orn cob. being thrown by the children, and
und tbs fare to be in keeping with the stu
l'ion of our distracted country-I may say,
warfare.
"Iu consequence Of the blockade of the
Ape" says the cbivalry, pleas
snlly, 1--WE only have one course, you see; but
,v"n these last years sweet poiatoes must be
uxories to merccnary mudsils, accustomed to
,usks."
/ bad just reached out my plate TO he help
ID. my boy, when there came great noise
rom the Msckerels in the front door yard.
whats that9 says Capt. Bob Shorty.
10, nothing" says the female Confederacy,
taking another bite Of boo cake, i've only
told one of the servants to throw some hot wa
ter on your reptile hirelicgs"
As Captain Bob Shorty turned to thank
her fer her explanation. and willie his plate
VISA extended TO be helped, the aged chivalry
fis.d pistol at him across the table, the ball
just gazing bis head and entering the wall
behind him.
"By all that's bluep says Capt. Bob Shor-
ty excitedly, "now III be-"
"Be calm, now-be calm" says the con.
scivalive chap, hastily, "dop't tell you that
it's only na,ural for the good old soul TO be
little provok dl If you 60 to irr.a,e him,
we can never live together as brethren again.
Matters being thus rendered peasaat, my
boy, we quickly finished the simple meal aud
as Captain Bob Shorty warded of the carv
ing knife Just thrown at him by the chivalry's
little son, he turned TO the female Coufedera
cy, and says he;
"Many thanks for your kind hospitality;
and now about that straw bed"
The Virginia matron threw the vinegar cruz
ct at him, aud says she:
my servants have already given one to
yogr scorpions, you nasty Yankee"
"of course" says the venerable chivalry,
just " issing blow at me with bowie knife,
"of course your dcspicable Govern nent will
pay me for my proprrlyr'
"Psy you" says Captain Bob Shorty, hot.
ly, "now III be-"
"Certainly il will my friend," broke in the
conservative Ke6,ucky chap, eagerly, ",hc
Union troops come here rs your friends; for
they make war ON none but traitors"
As we left the domicil, my boy, brushin
from our Goals the stops tba. had just been
thrown upon US from an upper window, saw
ths cbivalry's children trailing fowling piecs
from the roof, snd hoisting the flag Of the
Southern Goufederacv ,u ona ol th.. chi M n va