The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1862-02-28
KEEPING A SECRET.

--0f kEEflNG a ShUhhIs
The thriving little New England town of
Nantucket, which smells strongly of fish, and
is bound to be Boston, No 2, some of these
days, was the scene, last week, of n feminine
exploit worthy to be recorded in the appendix
to the history of poor Joan of Arc. 1t came
to pass, that on Saturday night, when dozen
of Nantucket citizens arrived at home for the
evening, they found the partners of their bo-
SONS non est, those gems Of womanhood hav-
ing disappeared from the domestic hearth in q
manner savoring of magic. Each individual
husband made up his mind that his individual
wife stepped into her neighbor'st to have one OF
these amiable chats in which women delight to
figure up the bad qualities of those personally
known to them; and each husband at once COM
meaced composing an elaborate lecture ON the
sin of Esgadding," for the express benefit OF his
wife when she would return. Horrible to re-
late, however, o'clock passed without bring
ing one of the wives home and dozen sets OF
children commenced to cry, in dozen different
KEYS that they were $50 sleepy"
r--.. il, is the excellent custom In Nantuck-
cfsfe nudity ana waslt ING rIsEnS gei;riativ.-
every Saturday night before sending it to bed,
in order that the aforesaid generation may be
nfracted, ''though the heavens fall;" and as The
dozen wives we have mentioned still remained
absent, the dozen Mortified husbands had no
choice but to 90 into the Juvenile business fhea-
selves Accordingly, with set teeth and much
inward profanity, the twelve martyrs proceed
to denute their offspring and subject them 10
unique hydrophathic treatment, holding the ut
tie sufferers to such I,nspeakable awkward atti-
tudes, and transfixing them with snch stahs OF
soap, that the howing was Ike that OF small
bulls of Bashan. Having once tucked the re-
sponsibities safely into bed, however, the just
" exasperated oater ttn,jiiaSes armed themselves
with lanterns, and went forth TO hunt for Their
MISSING halves.-Into all the houses of their &C
ousintances went those raging Koineos; but no
where could they find their Jullets; and amer
interchanging vows of vengeance with each oth-
or, they returned to their several domlciies IN
despair.
Sunday and Monday came and passed, and
vet no wives! The twelve Benedicts had to
get their own meals, spank theif own progeny,
and clean the knives One of item tried TO
make the beds, but gave it up when he found
that he had made his couch resemble Il whale
wrapped in blankets. The absence OF the bet
ter-halves commenced 10 excite wild constef-
nation then, that might have eliminated IN {.
dozen suicides, had it not leaked out that the
ladies were in deserted house, past which the
husbands had gone twenty tiules i'll search, en-
loving themselves like Arcadians with all sorts
of nice catahlcs and intensely enjoying the dis
NAV of their lords To tell the truth, these
wives had taken this means of convincing their
husbands that they could keep secret, though
they were women, and had skiR enough 10 hide
and have good time, where their lordships
could not find them. 1t had long been secretly a.
greed between them to pay their husbands thus
for certain taunts about women being incapa-
bic Of keeping q secret and for forty-eight
hours they had taught their masters that wives
could ego to lodge" and shave business at the
office" at night, as well as husbands. The
merry DANES consented, after much persuasion
and humblc-pie, to return TO their homes at
last, stipulating, however, that they should DC
treated en- masse to q turkey supper, i'll eApia-
ton of the many things they had to forgive
Twelve happier men could not be found than
were those twelve Nantucket citizens, when
woman's smiles and woman's buckwheat cakes
sladdencd their domicils once more, and the
humility with which they received their lesson
in matrimony showed them worthy to live IN
the same State with Cambridge University and
the ''Atlantic Montllyw Husbands! it is to
you we speak behave yourselves like lambs