The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1862-11-14
FROM A. WARD.
TREATING OF THE NOBLE RED MAN-DoMEsrfc
AFFAIRs-A sERENADE, &c.

TREATING OF THE NOBLE RED NAN-DoMEsric
AFFAIRs-A sERENADE, &C.
The red man of the forest was form ly 4
very respectful person. Justice to the no.
BILE aboorygine warrants me in ssyine thai
origgernerly he was g majestic cuss.
At the time Chris arrovs on these shores
II allood to Chris Columbus.) the savajis
was virtoous and happy. They were limo.
cent OF secession, rum, draw poker, and sim
fulness gen'rally. They did Mt discuss the
slavery question as a custom. They bad
no Congress. faro banks, delirium tremens.
or Associated Press. Their habits was
consequently good. Late suppers. dyspep.
sy, gas companies. thieves. WE I'd politicians,
pretty waiter girls. and other metropolitan
refnements, were unknown among them
No savage of good standing would take
postage stamps. You couldn't have bought
a coon-skin with a bushel of them. The
female Aborygine never died of consump-
ton. because she didn't tie her waist up in
whalebone things, but in loose and flowin'
garments she bounded with naked feet over
the hill and plains, like the wild and frisky
antelope. 1t was a onlucky moment for us
when Chris. set foot onto these ere shores.
II would have been better for us Of the pres
ent day if the injins had given him a warm
meal and sent him DER the ragin' billers.-
For the ssvajis owned the country, and Co
lumbus was a fllibuster. Cortez. Pizarro,
and Walker were one horse fllibusters-
Columbus was four-horse team fllibuster.
and lar e yaller dog under the wagon.
say. in view Of the mess We are maxim of
things, it would have been better for the
show biznss. The circulation of Vanity
Fair would have been larger. and the pro-
prietors would all have boozum pins! Yes.
sr-and perhaps ten pin alley.
By which don't wish to be understood
as intimatin' that the scalpin wretches who
are in the injin bizniss at the present time
are Of any account, or calculated to make
home happy, specially the Sioxes of Mime
sofa. W ho deserve to be murdered in the first
'legree; and if Pope will only stay in St.
Paul, and not go near 'em himself. l reckon
they will be.
Things in our town is workin' The ca
nal b at Lucy Ann called in here the
other day, and reported all quiet on the
Wabash. The Lucy Ann" has adopted
new style of Binnakle light. in the shape OF
a red headed girl, who sits up over the
II works well.
The artist spoks about in my larst has
TO Philadelphy. Before he left
ook his lily-white hand in mine. Isugges.
ed to him that if he could induce the cili-
sens of Philadelphy to believe that it would
De good idea tn have white winder- shutters
)n their houses. and white door-stones, he
night make fortin els novelty" l
added, "and may startle 'em at fust, but
hey may conclood to adopt it,
As several of our public men are con-
stantly being surprised with serenades,
I'd be surprised in the same
way. SO l made arrangements accordln
asked the Brass Band how much they d take
TO take me entirely by surprise with a sere-
made. They said they'd overwheIm me with
a unex pected honor for seven dollars, which
excepted.
l wrote out my impromtoo speech sevril
days beforehand, bein very careful to ex-
punge all ingrammatticisms, and payin' par
ticusr attention to the punctooation. 1t
was. if | may say it without egotism, q
manly effort. Alas! never delivered it.
as the sekel will show you. l paced up
and down the ki,chin. speakin' my peace
over SO as to be entirely perfect. My bloom
in daughter bothered me summit by singin,
"Why do summer roses fadel"
Because" said l, arter hearin' her sing
it about forty times, ''because it's their biz!
Let 'em fade.''
Betsy" said 1, pausin' in the middle Of
the room and letting my eagle eye wander
from the manuscript. Betsy, on the night
of this here serenade, | desire you to ap-
pear at the winder dressed in white, and
wave lily-white handkerchief. Dye hear?'
"lf l appear said that remarkable fe-
male. IL shall wave liy.~hite bucket Of
,ilin' hot water. and some body will be seal
led. One baldheaded old fool will get his
Ihare.'
Sine refer'd to her husband. No doubt
.bout it in my mind. But for fear she might
me | said nothing.
The expected night cum. AT 9 O'Clock
precisely there was sounds of footsteps in
he yard. and the band struck up lively
Iir, which when they did finish it there WAS
,ries of Ward! Ward!" l slept out onto
he por,ico A brief glance showed ,ha.
blage was summit mixed. There
as great many ragged boys. and there
y as quite number OF grown up persons.
evidently under the aff1uence of the intoxi-
.atin' bole. The Band was also drunk
Dr. Schwazsy. who was holdiu' up a post.
. emed to be partic'ly drunk-so much so
hat it had go, into bis spectacles, which
vas staggerin' wildly over his nose. But l
vas in for it. and / commenced.
"Feller citizens: For this unexpected
Leader of the Bsnd-sWill you give us
,ur money now, wait ill you gil lhrcaghl'
To this painful and disgustin' iuierrup-
ion l paid M attention.
''-for this unexpected honor thank
fou.''
Leader of the Bsnd--"But you said you'd .
i've US seven dollars if we'd play two
hoons."
Again | didn't notice him, bat resumed
IS follows:
81 say thank you warmly. When
ook at this crowd Of Americans, my heart