The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-02-26
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= Man and wife, like verb and nomi-
native, should always agree.

native, should always agree.
Art exposition-a cockney telling
lis love to the lady o hadores.
= "What ails your eye, Joow al
told man he lied," replied Joe.
Friendship, nowadays, is measured
by the length Of a mans purse.
= During the autumn gales the vol,
ume Of nature is full of fy-leaves.
= To give a reproof in anger is like
administering medicine scalding hot.
- The man who "held out an induce
ment" has had sore arm ever since.
= Women live for each other-ihat
is, for the love Of criticism of each other.
- The boy who lost his balance on
the roof, found it on the ground shortly
afterward.
= The most impudent of all things is
a mirror, for it is continually casting re-
Elections.
- Very good, but rather too point
ed" as the fish said when it swallowed
the bait.
= To keep your own counsel-get in
to chancery suit, and you'll never get
rid of him.
= Topers who travel about with red
noses should be indicted for circulating in.
cendiary articles.
If q man is odious in society, he
might as well be in prison; the worst
prisons are not of stone.
- In returning thanks, in an after-din-
ner speech, Brown declared that he was
" too full for utterance"
- If you want TO be Knight of
tho Golden Circle" get the girl you love
to give you ring, remarks the Louisville
Journal.
= The hardest thing TO hold in this
world is an unruly tongue. 1t beats n
hot smoothing iron and kicking horse
considerably.
= To kiss the one you love best with
out its being noticed, the best way is to
kiss all the ladies in the company with
out distinction.
-" Marriage" said an unfortunate
husband, "is the churchyard of love-
"And you men," replied the not less un.
happy wife, "are the grave-diggers."
- A bankrupt was condoled with the
other day for his embarrassment. 90,
I'm not embarrassed at ALL" said he; ;
4" it's my creditors that are embarrassed"
= During an examination, n medical
student being asked, "when does morti-
fcation ensueY" he replied, "when you
pop the question, and arc answered, mo- ,"
= Why is fine woman like locomo-
tive? Because she draws a train after
her, scatters the sparks, transports the
mails (males), and makes us forget time
and space.
- What compliment TO his country
men Carlyle paid when he said, Great
Britain is inhabited by thirty millions of
people, mostly FOOLS" Carlyle, we sup
pose, knew.
"Who is that young gentleman who
looked at you so earnestly!" said fond
husband to his recently married wife,
"That is my late husband, DEAR" answer
ed she.
- There was fellow down cast so
excessively indolcnt, that once, when he
was pushed down hill, he ran for three
days and nights, being too lazy to stop
himself
"Is anybody waiting on 2" said
a polite drygoods clerk to a girl from the
country. "Ycs, sir" said the blushing
damsel, "thats my feller outside. He
wouldn't come in"
= The Albany Express has the fol-
lowing advertisement: Wantcd-an
able-bodied Irishman TO hold my wife's
tonguc-she and being unable to keep
it quiet. Constant employment given"
- There is n young man in c.
H, who is so modest that he will not
" embrace an opportunity" He would
make good mate for the lady who faint
ed when she heard of the naked truth.
=" Hast thou ever loved, Henrietta ?"
| sighed. al should rather imagine l
had," she replied. "Oh, did not my
glances my feelings betray, when you
helped me to pudding the third time To-
dayT
= A pretty girl was lately complain
ing to Quaker friend that she had n
cold, and was sadly plagued by chapped
lips. Friend" said Obadiah, "thee
should never suffer the chaps to come
near thy lips"
- We heard a good joke once of par
t,, &C t,ounce falious ,ybr c,unl fa,,lt ,tit |,