, 1862-04-05

0GtUlflln ana reVel IN SHLSflte w t can Stanu all
the odors known to rs as human and reasonable T;
but this new odor, which fills our nostrils strikes
a supernatural terror into our souls. We don't
understand tp "You miserable fools p cried
the incensed General what you smelled was
nothing more than garlic !" BE it what it may"
replied the ugly men, there are no such smells
where we came from With such noses as nature
has thought fit to place upon our faces, we would
forces any more"
The commanding General, unable to see the CO.
gency of this reasonh g had the ugly regiment
placed in the frona risks on the following day,
with strict orders to those behind 70 shoot down
every man of them in case they attempted to run
again. When the battle opened, seeing there
was no alternative but to fight, each of the ugly
men grasped up handful of mud, thrust it in his
nostrils, and with one wild and terrific cry of
:" BEREGRIssAi BEREGRIssA p Have a care, get
out of the way !" rushed like an avalanche upon
the enemy. Many gallant Frenchman bit the
dust that fatal day. Never were such prodigies
of valor heard of in the world before. So-terrifc
was the onslaught of the ugly men, that no hu-
man force could stand against them Wherever
they went, cutting, thrustng, shrieking and laugh
ing, they routed and slew the enemy by thousands.
1t was mere sport for them. They looked like
iends and fought like demons of destruction.
When the battle over, they seemed 10th to
quit their bloody work. The Gsneral-in-chief
was enchanted Calling them before him, he rode
in front of the ranks and thus addressed them i:
" Soldiers you have this day covered yourselves
with glory Your deeds of heroism shall be
promptly made known to your Imperial Master
Rest assured brave men, decoration of honor
awaits each of you Nobly have you blotted from
the records by the blood of your-(here the Com
mander-in-Chief seemed at loss for a suitable
climax to his figure of speech) blotted from the
records by the blood of your
"Noses," suggested voice from the ranks
and for the first time the Commander-in- Chiet
whose attention was thus called particularly to
the fact observed that there was scarcely man
in the regiment who had not suffered a saber cut
or wound of some kind upon that prominent fea-
entirely off, among whom was the unfortunate
soldier who had suggested this abrupt climax to
the Commanders speech.
"Blotted from the records" resumed the Com
mander-in-C Chief rising in his stirrups, and ringing
out his words in sfentorian tones that swept
through the ranks like the peal of mighty organ
=" botted from the records by the blood of youl
noses the disgraceful panic of yesterday = Never
shall it be breathed to mortal ears Henceforth
the world shall only know you as the flower of the
Russian army the brightest-the brightest :
there again the COMMANDMENTS Chief, who had nc
great experience in making speeches, became EN-
barrassed for a metaphor)-
"Nosegay !" suggested several of the unfortun-
ate soldiers, who had had their noses clipped by
the sabers of the Frenchmen-
The brightest nosegay in his Imperial Majes-
TVS service ? shouted the Commander-in-C Chief in
voice of thunder. "Long live the Emperor r
Harosho Ha-osho!" cried the soldiers
+" Good very well p and with that they were per
mitted to retire to their quarters, where they
patched up their noses the best they could, every
one of them refusing point blank the assistance oi
the surgeon, on the ground that by mistake he
might destroy the beauty and symmetry of that
useful organ for life.
Unfortunately the Emperor Nicholas died be-
fore the return of his famous regiment of ugly
men hut the present Emperor, Alexander II, has
nobly provided for them. They are now his pet
regiment. Decorations of honor adorn every one
of them, with the exception of those who lost
their noses altogether. An imprint of the double
eagle, in the form of black patch, is now worn
by these marked individuals iu lieu of the lost
member; and most of them have been promoted
from the ranks
give you the story as l heard it, without
vouching for its truth in every particular. The
noses, however, am prepared to stand by at the
risk of my life.
MATERIALS FOR HEROEs.-The recent collision
at Dranesve is, for one or two reasons, especially