The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1862-05-17
oRPHEUs c. KERR.
Surgery in the Army-Cotton Seminary.

and recognize physicians as true heroes oil
the battlefield. The subdued swearing oil
the sufferer on his bed, the muffied tread OIL
the venerable nurse, as she comes into the
room to make sure that the brandy recon
mended by the doctor is not too mild fol-
the patient. the sepulchral shout of the reg
mental cat. as she recognizes the tread Of
Lord Mortimer, the sergeant's bull terrier,
outside; all these are things to make the
spectator remember that we are but dust,
and that to return to dust is our dustiny
Early in the week, my boy, a member cl
the Pennsylvania Mud-iafks was made sick
in strange manner. A draft of picked
men from certain regiments were ordered
for perilous expedition down the river.
You may be aware, my boy, that draft
is always dangerous to delicate constitu-
tons, and. as the Mud lark burst into a
profuse perspiration about the time he
found himself standing in this draft, he Of
course took such violent cold that he had
to be put to bed directly. / went to see
him, my boy; and whilst he was relating to
me some affecting anecdotes of the time
when he used TO keep bar, member of the
Medical Staff of the United States of Amer
lea came in to see the patient.
This veteran surgeon first deposited a
large saw, a Ratchet. and two pickaxes, on
the table, and then. says he:
"How do you find yourself, boy?''
The Mud lark took a small chew of to-
bacco with a melancholy air, and says he:
Il think 1 have got the guitar in my
head, Mr.. Sawbones, and am about to join
the angel choir"
Il see how it is" says the surgeon,
thoughtfully; "you think you've got the
guitar. when its only the drum of your ear
that's affected. Well" says the surgeon,
with sudden pleasantness, as he reached af-
ter the saw and one of the pickaxes, 81
must amputate your left leg at once"
The Mud lark curled himself up in bed
like wounded anaconda. and says he:
Il don't see it in that light
"Well," says the surgeon, in sprightly
manner, "then suppose l put fly blister
on your stumick, and only amputate your
right arm %
The surgeon was formerly blacksmith,
my boy, and got his diploma by inventng
some pills with iron in them. He proved
that the blood of six healthy men con-
tanned enough iron to make six horse shoes,
and then invented the pills to cure hoarse-
ness.
The sick man reflected on what his med
ical adviser had said, and then says he:
''Your words convince me that my situa-
ton must be dangerous. / must see some
relative before permit myself to be dis.
sected.''
Whom would you wish to send for 90
says the surgeon.
my grandmother, my dear old grand
mother" says the Mud-lark with much
feeling.
The surgeon took me cautiously aside,
and says he:
his life depends. perhaps, on the gratifca-
ton of his wishes. You have heard him
ask for his grandmother" says the sur
geon softly, land as his mother lives too
far away to be sent for. we must practice a
little harmless deception. We mus. send
for Secretary Welles, of the Navy Depart
ment, and introduce him as the grand
mother. My patient will never know the
difference
took the hint. my boy. and went after
the Secretary, but the latter was so busy
examining model of Noah's ark, that he
could not be seen. Happily, however, the
patient recovered while the surgeon was get
ting his saw filed, and was well enough last
night TO reconnoiter in force.
The Mackerel Brigade being still in quar-
ters before Yorktown, I am at leisure to
stroll about the Southern Confederacy, my
boy; and on Thursday paid visit to Cot
ton Seminary, just beyond Alexandria,
where the Southern intellect is taught TO
fructify and expand. This celebrated in
of learning is all on one floor,
with large chimney and heavy mortgage
upon it. and a number of windows cup
piled with ground glass-or rather, sup
piled with certain openness as regards the
ground.
Upon entering this majestic ediice, the
master, Prex Preyton, descended at once
from the barrel on which he was seated,
and gave ne true Virginia welcome:
Though you may be Lincoln horde"
says he, in a manorial manner, "the repub-
lie of intellect recognizes you only as man.
The Southern mind knows how to recog-
nize soul, apart from its outer circum-
stances; for what say the logicians Deus
sst ANNA 6rutoreml Take seat on wonder
barrel, friend HessiaD, and you shall hear
he wisdom of youthful minds. First class
n computation stand up!
AS took seat, my boy, the first class 10
came TO the front; and it is |
ny private impression. my boy-my pri
Tate impression-that each child's father
was the owner of rag plantation at some
period of his life.
BOYS" says the master, show is the ia
Die of Confederate money divided ga
Into pounds. shillihgs and pence"
hight Now, Master Mason. repeat the
able
Master Mason. who was germ of first
amily. took his fingers out of his mouth.
Ind says he:
Twenty pounds of Confederate bonds