Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-09-27

/ We publish the following taken from
the La Crosse Democrat, some of
Backs own words. We have how
ever added the words and "ire-easers,"
found in brackets:
..-. PATRIOTISM on DRAFT.
It is better than a circus, side show,
Cog fight or catching heas, to hear
several valiant aboitionists land fire.
eatersl of the blue abdomen, wool low
ing stripe, on the stf eets, now that they
have no fears Of being drafted, give
vent to their patriotism. Rattle belly
pop in a day hot enough To make even
the photograph of Elisha Kane sweat
like a binder, is no comparable circum-
stance, nor is lightning in the night,
or flour on black cats back a printing
to the flashes Of fight which at times
pop out from them like the brain box
Of a woodchuck from the mouth Of his
self made cave. They are nice men.
VIII give five dollars 10 raise flag
five cents to defend it. Two wears
since they were pregnant with strength
and longed with open mouthS, az a
young robin does tor worms, 10 donate
muscular ali to the prosecuted heroes
OF Kansas hen roo>tS. They bowed
worse than the tan end of y ten horse
| power thraShing machine with tanning
mlll attachment, or :. little bull hnrri-
cane, aud were a. full OF wal us their
hearts are Of cowardlce.
War came. Seyenly-five thousand
noble hearted volunteers Sprang into
line before these cossetts could get
ready.
Three hundred thousand more patri-
OTIS waded i'll the blood Of their hearts,
and beckoned these gong-headed Gus
toners to follow. Another three hun
dred thousand took their lives in their
hands, yet these disciples Of Bleeding
Kansas, couldn't get ready to start
Another three hundred thousand Of
patriots went forth-and these Spanish
musket-mounted chaps were too busy
to enlist Three hundred thousand
more-still they could rot screw their
courage to the sticking point Then
thousand men-inansedjGtely.
Now began the squirm. Oiled angle
worms in the dirty mouth Of a tobacco
chewer couldn't have wigoled worse.
They were in for draft-if it was
catnip tea ; for the drill--if it was a
quadrille; for arms-of negro wench-
es, even. They got mad at the Presi-
dent because he would rot send the
colored men to war Abraham knew
these chaps too we'll to leave the re-
spectacle wives Of coIored men within
the reach of these valiant stay at home
rangers, and the ''policy'' Of the Presi-
dent gathered their anger as a pan Of
honey collects pismires. But the draft
lit savored Of business The poor
fellows grew suddenly sick. Diseases
flocked to their poor frames as lice
went for the greasy locks Of Pharoah
when Moses was whoIesalipg those am :
bilious ''agitators." They ate green
apples by the peck to brig On chronic
gripes They stood behind kicking
mules in hopes Of having their legs
broken. They became SO deaf the
only sound they could hear was meal
call. They lost their eye sight till they
could not distinguish between half past
ten in the morning and the nearest
route to Canada. Druggists sold as
many trusses III one day as they used
to in ten years. It was not the draft !;
only u return Of their old complaint
cowardice. Their eyes grew 50 weak,
even draws looked like ambulAnces /:
their fine combs like broad swords !:
house cats like cavalry horses tooth
picks like bayonets, and dp&lene>s spread
itself over their manly browS as fog
wraps up 4 white slwmlll. Draft them?
With mustard ponItloes. They are
! good mtn-to make excuses. Ii they
were Obliged to -, their lirSt invest
mrnt would be for Shp1mlNer's WAX
for the seats of their trowSers. IN /
their first rrconnnitre would H.. for f..y
img pans 10 sit III Inun each mtE
would rise WIFE a breast plate . IA.
gun which int them III battle woInl
have range IL lon1 is the LIE of J,
sephus-or as they Wou.I wish their
turonghS. Yes, these Kansas bored
, tanning mill patriots who sit aroun /
and agta,e, or lin fault with that they
know nothing of-Nlil hght-unesS
: their wives wll suffer corporal cha,tlse-
ment. We like all such patriots
Nothing to give To the cause but abuse.
, Their breath would beget naggot> in
a brass Statute OF even ). II. Booth or
Wendell Phlllips-men SO politically
mean even those evidences Of dec0m
position would shrink tron, in the flesh
They want a policy. They wish to see
what Lincoln will do. They wish tc
see the Union disSolved-to see ruin
dissolution - dishonor - death - arv