Litchfield enquirer., 1862-01-16
nlisfelIann.
A vENTRILoQUIsT AND CATS.
BY SPASM.

 A ventriloquist travelling, put up over night a country hotel. and getting into a room with i fdgetty old fellow, he bethought he'd get up little fun by treating the old gent to a cat sere made. Valentine, the ventrllequist, on having sheets in the space of minute; for, as Mir Jones Beagle faeetiously observed, he had but te shake himself and everything came of. He then turned the thing seriously over in his OWL mind, while Mr. Beagle was quietly undressing being anxious for that gentleman to extinguist the light before he commenced operations. Now for a beautiful nights rest observed Mir. Jones Beagle to himself, as he put out the light with tranquil mind, and turned in with a great degree of comfort.
 'Mew! mewr cried the Valentine softly throwing his voice under the bed of Mr. Beagle Hish confound that cat ' cried MT. Beagle we must have you out at all events, my lady. And Mir. Beagle at once slipped out of bed, and having opened the door, cried hish' again, em phatically, and threw his brooches towards the spot as an additional inducement for the cat not to stand on the order of her going, when Mir cced from the stairs. Mir. Beagle thanked hea ven she was gone, closed the door, and very carefully groped his way into bed
 New !--mew !-mew! cried Valentine, just as Mir. Beagle had again composed himself.
 What, are you still here, madam ! inquired that gentleman. in high and sarcastic tone.- thought you had been turned ont, madam Do you hear this witch of a cat ? he continued addressing Mir. V., who replied with deep heavy snore, and began to new again witA addi- tonal emphasis
 Well, l don't have treat every day, it is true, but if this isn't che. why am out of my reckoning-thats all,' observed Mir. Jones Bea- gle, as he slipped again out of bed. I don't like much to handle you. but if do, I'll of course give you physic! and he hished again with consummale violence, and continued to hsh' until Valentine scratched the bed-post sharply "a feat which inspired Mr. Beagle with the con- viction of its being the disturber of his peace in the act of decampng then he threw the pillow toward the door, which he closed, and returned to his bed in triumph. The moment. however he had comfortably tucked himself up again, he missed the pillow he had converted into an in- strument of vengeance, and as that was an arti cile without which he could not even hope to go to sleep, he had of course to turn out again and fetch it.
 How many more times, wonder, he observ- ed to himself, shall have to get out of this blessed bed tonight? Exercise is certainly a comfort, and very conducive to health ; but such exercise as ths-why where have you got 2 he added, addressing the pillow, which. with all the sweeping actions of his feet, he was for some time unable to find 'Oh, here you are, sir, are you 2? and he picked up the object of his search and gave it severe blows. when. having rcinstat- ed himself between the sheets. he exclaimed in subdued tone, w el lets try it again.
 Now Mr. Jones Beagle was a man who prided himself especially upon the evenncss of his tenn hot puth in, in passion.
 He did, however. feel when he violently smote the pillow, that the ebullition partook somewhat of the nature of passion, and just commenced re- preaching himself for having indulged in that ebuliition, when Valentine cried, Meyow bit meyow!
 'Hallo exclaimed Mir. Jones Beagle, here again
 'Mcw! cried Valentine, in somewhat high CT key.
 What, another come to contribute to the harmony of the evening?'
 Mcyow! meyow J cried Valentine in key still higher.
 Well, how many more of you?' inquired Mr. B. You will be able to get up second con- cert byand.by; and Valentine began to spit and swear with great felicity.
 Swear away, you beauties ! cried Mir. Beagle as he listened to this volley of feline oaths 'I only wish was not so much afraid Of you. for your sakes At it again! Well, this is a bless ing Don't you hear those cats?' he cried anxi ous not to have all the fun himself; but Valen- tine continued snoring very loud.
 Well, this is particularly pleasant he contin ued, as he sat up in bed Don't you hear ?- What a comfort it is to be able to sleep sound ly" which remarkable observation was doubtless provoked by that no less remarkable fact that l the splitting became more desperate. What to be done? My brooches are right in the mids, of them all. can't get out now they'd tea, the very flesh off my legs-and that fellow there sleeps like top. Hallo! do you mean to say l that you don't hear cats? How they're going 1 it!
 1 Valentine certainly meant to say no such thing, for the whole time he was not meyowine and splitting he was diligently occupied in snor ing, which has very good effect. and serves te fill up the intervals exceedingly well,
 At length the patience of Mir. Jones Beagle began to evaporate-for the hostile animals con tinue to battle apparently with great desperation He therefore threw pillow with great violence into the bed of his companion. and shouted SC loudly that Valentine, feeling that it would b, perfect nonsense for him to pretend to sleep an, longer. began to yawn very naturally, and cried Who's there?'
 Iris ? shouted Jones Beagle, more lik, two and twenty. I've turned out a dozen my self. There's a swarm, whole colony of then here, and know no more about striking ligh than fool
 Oh, never mind said Valentine let's go t sleep; they'll be quiet by and by
 It's all very fine to say let's go to sleep who
 to do it? cried Beagle, emphaticaIly. Bias
 the cats! l wish there wasn't cat under hea
 ven-l do with all my soul. They're such
 spitetul vermin. too. when they happen to pu
 out and one of them IS in passion know fror
 her spltting, confound her! Iwish from the bo
 tom Of my heart it was the last spit in her. Who IS there ? what's the matter?' cried Va entine at length, in the coolest manner in,agin; ble, although his exertions made him sweat lik
 a tinker.
 For heavens sake, my dear young friend said Mir. Beagle, do assist me in turning or
 these cats'
 Cats! where are they? 'Hishr' cried Va entne.
 } the missing business myself. All the hissing
 the world won't do. They must be beaten out . you're afraid of them, are you?' Afraid of few cats ? exclaimed Valentin
 with an assumption of some considerable ma nanimity, where are they?' , Uuder my bed.' replied Beagle. That's brave fellow. Break their necks! and Vale tine leaped out of bed and after striking at u | ,maginary animal very furiousy with the bolste z ne hissed and scratched across the grain of u . boards in humble imitation of those domest creatures scampering out of a room, when |. rushed to the door, and proceeded to make . very iorlorn moving die gradually away at t