The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1862-03-22

edge that never could stand on my right
leg and look at my coat tail under my ell
bow, as Jones had done, without sitting on
it before ! could obtain single glimpse of
its "fair proportions
= - = = - -
Winter was now at hand. Aramints had
presented me with gorgeous skating cap
II had reciprocated with splendid pair
of skates. We were engaged. I looked
forward with rapture, not unmingled with
her lovely form through the slippery paths
of the learner of skates. $50.
At last came hard frost: up went the
red ball, so did the price Of skates. start
ed home early that day, designing to for
tify myself with good dinner before ma
king my essay as an instructor. Who
should I meet in the hall but Araminta,
wrapped, and bundled, and shawled, and
cloaked, looking SO large that was appal-
led. She is only two inches taller than l
am, but in the dim light of the hall she
looked huge. The doubt, which had been
haunting me all summer broke out again,
and I thought, with cold SILVER, what if
shouldn't be able to hold her I'D
The idea was so unpleasant that I hast.
ened to change the subject. ai 4IoF br,
f..sAraminta, my love-" I tenderly in
quired, ''why are you dressed ? 1t is two
hours before the time appointed. Come in
to dinner" - ~ H5 a.-.t tTaFs sf'E
"Never mind dinner. I have. just had
lunch, and don't want any. and l know !
shall die if 1 don't go skating ationce. I
have been waiting since one O'Clock, and
we must start right off. You don't care
for dinner when you are taking care of me,
do you, James, dear ? So get your skates.
and hurry, please 10 r.
What could do? couldn't say did
want my dinner after that, although felt
in my lnnermost soul that such was the
fact. I yielded, and to the fatal compliance
trace all my subsequent misfortunes-for
man without his dinner is no man at all.
The fumes of the dinner were gently waited
out of the dining-room, but in vain. Slowly
and sadly assembled to my room. I had
only time to don my skating apparel, pocket
pistol heavily charged with old Bourbon,
and half choke myself with cracker, be-
fore Bridget knocked to say that 1.-the
young lady wished me to hurry and had
to start off, melancholy sacrifice to wo-
mans caprice. &
running out, apparently in great haste, and
called me back.
.sJames,''. said she, e'please be careful
to remove all the oil cans from the vicinity
before you commence. That's all. Good
bye.''
col cans !'' said Araminta, "wbat can
she mean 90
Sure enough I replied : blushing.
nevertheless, up to the roots of my hair,
"what can she mean ?'' Notwithstanding,
I knew what she meant, and swore VEN
geance. .....-
X \
Before I had fairly realized the impor-
lance of the discovery (Which it did not take
a moment to find out), I had returned in
front of Araminta, who was arranging her
manifold draperies preparatory to start.
Designing to produce profound impress
sion, struck, with assumed carelessness,
graceful attitude / had spent some time
in acquiring on my parlor skates. Indeed,
on them could do it first-rate; for by put
ting the knees together and pressing the
feet a little outwards, you can maintain
almost any position you may desire. But
alas was speedily reminded that I was
standing on something very different from
parlor skates. Just as Araminta looked up
with an admiring. glance, putting the final
touch upon her multitudinous apparel by
that indescribable twitch with which ladies
always announce themselves as 'sready,"
and exclaimed, in tone of rapture, ''Isn't
it heavenly % I felt my legs slowly reced-
ing from each other, and starting off side
ways on their separate and individual re-
sponsibility. I murmured beautiful u at
the same time making a frantic effort TO
bring them together, with no more effect,
however, than if they bad belonged to diff
feTent persons. Parlor skates only roll
backwards and forwards, and side move
ment not coming within the range of my
previous experiences, found me wholly un-
prepared. My feet slid further and further
apart, and I stretched and stretched to
accompany them till every bone in my body
seemedto ache; but of no avail. The human
frame is not pair of compasses, and found
myself obliged, when my feet were some
distance apart, to tumble or split. So l
tumbled. Of ,urse the moment touched
the ice I immediately began to fix my
skates. Indeed, have no recollection of
ever seeing any one. fallfWhe didn't COM
menee to FIX his skates. Il is 3 singular
circumstance, but almost exactly the same
thing may be seen on the road every day.
A gentleman viii be observed passing every
body at 2l4O gait, aud everything is all right;
but, when he reaches some one who starts
after and passes him in 2.39, something
Immediately happens to his harness, obiig
ing him to pull up into corner of the fence
and fix it This is curious" coincidence,
for which acknowledge myself wholly nm
able to account.
got up as soon as my skates we're fixed,
and assisted Araminta to her fest. as that
beautiful {but somewhat large creature en-
trusted herself confdingly to my protec-
ton. felt her weight which I roughly
estimated at 165 pounds1 as she leaned upon
my arm for support, with the same ssnsa-