davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
Joke on Gen. Sherman.

If the following is fastened upon General
w. L. Sherman as n joke, it is good and his
own fault, because he himself narrated it
to his trends In camp, couple Of weeks
ago, and appeared to enjoy it. The gener>
al had been in need of body servant or
hostler for a week or two, and several off,
cers had permission to keep look out for
him. One day contrabaBd. the migra-
ting property ola rebel officer, made his
way into Sherman's lines. and was soon
directed to where he could procure profta-
BILE employment. l might here remark
that the general has no conscientious scru-
pies on the contraband question, and is a
thorough going cOuiscation n. He did
not ask cuffee whether he was bond or free,
but simply whether he could take care of
horses, etc., to which the chattle respond
ed emphatically in the affirmative.
Well then, if you can do what want
you to DO. I'll give you $40 month"; said
Gen. Sherman.
How much did you say inquired the
astonished Ethiopian.
Twenty dollars month"; responded the
general
Whew! dat dar's more money den
masss's got himself joyful calculated
Sambo.
The bargain being made, the newly in
stalled darked was about to strip off his
coat. preparatory to displaying his powers
with currycOmb, when suddenly q
thought struck him that something vet re-
manned to complete the contract.
What's your name, massa p said he.
My name Is Sherman was the reply
Oh, Lpr' bless me! Why, eff you aim
the very man what heard dem federacy
fellers telin' about all the time. Why tbe1
amt bit sSeered o. you-dem sogers ami
dey all know you. But dis here Genera
Buell.. what coined into Pitsburg when W,
was hghtin',-tbey don't like him; NJ
Stree, ye better believe they're feerd o
! him
General Sherman, at this stage of the
contraband's conversation reminded bin
that his horses had not been watered fol-
some time and that they were very thirs
| ty.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
Chapter for the Men.
BY ALICE.

Very frequently do wonder why there
is so much said to women about making
nome happy, and nothing said to the lords
OF creation Does any one suppose they
are SO perfect that they do not need advice 2
Are they always kind and cheerful. and do
they never speak cross?
A woman may try to make her home
pleasant and comfortable. but all is in vain
if the husband comes in moody. Asudden
chill is thus thrown over all the merry
group-the household is gloomy and silent.
the cross man has cast his shadow. Wby
did he allow that frown to shade his brox
as be entered? He did not need TO sneak
cross to his wife, and snap at his children.
they did not deserve it. Such action orly
tends to ALLEVIATE the affections of his
family, and there is nothing worse than to
lose the affections of ones home friends
do wish for the credit of nv sex. that
those who have go much good advice 10
give, would let the men have a little. !
krow OF no class that needs more than
THESE rulers of tina: household Don't
they fret and scOld if the least thing is out
OF order, never noticing the thousand and
ten things prepared expressly for their
comfort? Don't they raise a row among
the children, scolding one, boxing another,
and whipping third, making music that
Is anything but pleasant to hear? D.n't
they have the sulks a week on a stretch.
when nobody, not even themselves, knows
any cause for IL?
tell you the men are anything but
perfect. There are some noble executions.
l admit, but they are few. / do not mean
to condemn all for The fault Of the majority.
In more than half the families where there
is discord and strife, men are the most to
plane, and hope we shall hear less seold-
ing OF the women for the errors Of the
stern SEX
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
Mrs. Major Belle REYNOLDS,

What position does Mrs. Belle REYNOLDS
occupy under Gov Yates?
Does Mrs. Major Belle Reyn Ids belong
to the U. S. Army, or is she on Gov. Yates
staff?
When Mrs. Major Belle Reynolds ard
Gov. Yates travel IN state. how many state
rooms does it take to hold them!
As the principal duty Mrs. Major Rey-
nolds has to perform, is to steamboat il On
and down the Tennessee river with Gov
Yates. would it not have been more appro-
PIRATE if she had been appointed teamboai
matef
Hadn't Gov. Yates been steaming il a
little too much when be commissioned Mrs.
Belle Reynolds?
Aud finally, wonder if Gov. Y tss won't
be little ashamed of himself when be gets
sOber.-Keithsburg Observer.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
The Right Kind of Talk,

The Providence Post, the able Demo.
cratic organ of Rhode Island, speaking of
the abolition of slavery in the District of
Columbia says:
But 1t Is not the policy of Democrats t.
restore or establish slavery anywhere
Our motto is hands off, We deprecate all
interference for or against it by the Feder-
al Government. 1t is now out of the dis
trict of Columbia. Let it stay out. The
measure over which the abolitionists are
so loudly cheering will do them and the
country no good. and may not prove the
first OF series Of emancipation measures.
We are blind as bat if the party which
has secured this triumph, at the cost Of
the Presidents honor. has not seen it's best
days. twill not have majority in the
next Congress. Mark that 1t NAV be
marching on with John Brown Us a pio-
neer but We wouldn't like to be marching
at the same speed 10 the came direction.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
How Uncle James Got AlOne
with his Nefghbors,

Not many years since. q person from the
land oil steady habits, strayed into the re-
gion OF Princes bay and purchased fine
residence near the water; he was charac-
teristically austere, penurious and unneigh
borly; his lands were so situated that tho
oystermen had TO pass ucross them to reach
their boats, for which, he exacted toll from
each man be bad control over the water
of the creek, where it was necessary they
should plant them to fat or freshen; for
this privilege each man was made to pay
so much per bushel or forego the privilege.
This exacting spirit of the man soon excl
ted the hatred of the oystermen-they turn
ed the tables on him, and ANNOYED him in
every way their ingenuity could invent
On returning at night from town, he would
often find the draw Of the bridge swung
aside, or something the matter With the
gate 80 that he could not get in. In a
word. Mr.. lite Barnacle was finally oblie
ed to sell out and leave to ge, rid or own
hReftlshness and illibe-ality be had melted
to retaliation.
This place was purchased by kindly
old gentleman whom we shall call, as every
body else did, Uncle James be had been
long familiar with seafaring life /; and he
knew the character OF the men with whom
he had to deal. He was not long settled
IN the place before delegation of oysters
men waited upon him; be received them
as ono neigbbor should smother, 10 q friend
ly manner. They had called to say that
they wished to lay their oysters in his
creek, and wished to know how much he
would charge them for the privilege.
Il wish to be neighborls. land to have good
neighoors around me- said Uncle James,
and shall not disagree with you plant
your oysters there. aud welcome, and give
me what you think it worth
But says they we would like to pass
across your land. from your house to the
stcre, It Is nearer, what shall we gay your
Put the bars up as you go along, and
when you see the cattle in drive 'em out,
said Uncle James, that is all l ask
They took drink of apple-jack and
parted. From time to time bushel Of the
finest oysters would be set down at Uncle
James door. and he would hardly know
who committed the depreciation. The year
passed away, and there was no complaint
to make of any unueighborly conduct on
either side. They met for a settlement at
Uncle James house. the apple-iack was
brought out, and all took a smile; after
which the question was again put by the
oystermen.
How much shall we pay you, Uncle
James, for the use of the creek?'
If it has been of any benefit to you,' re-
piled the old man, you can give me what
you can Afford
One put down ten dollars, another TWEEN
ty, some more, Some less, until nearly five
hundred dollars were voluntarily paid,
viii ch was more than double the sum
which lite Barnacle extorted by menace
and meanness from the Same man.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
The Landlord who Couldn't
Keep People ali Night.

A certain distance from the city OF
Montgomery, in the State of Alabama, on
one of the stage roads running from that
city, lives ajolly landlord by the name OF
Ford. In fair weather or foul, in hard
times or soft, Ford would have his joke
1t was bitter stormy night, or rather
morning about tW o hours before deybreak,
when he was aroused from his slumbers by
loud shouting and knocks at his door. He
turned out, but soreiy against his will. and
demanded what was the matter 1t was
dark as tar, and as he could see no one,
cried out:
Who are you there?'
'Burder, and Yancey, and Gilmore. from
Montgomery was the answer, 'on our way
to attend court. We are benighted, and
want to stay all night
Very sorry can't accommodate you that
far gentlemen. Do anything to oblige you,
but that's IMPOSSIBLE
The lawyers, for they were three of the
smartest lawyers in the State, and all ready
to drop down with fatigue, held consul
tation, and then, as they could do no bet.
ter, and were too tired to 60 another step
they asked:
We'll, can't you stable our horses and
give US chairs and q good FIRE till morn
ing
'Ob, yes. gentlemen 1 can do all o.
that
Our learned and legal friends were soor
drying their wet clothes by q bright fire
as they composed themselves the few re.
naming hours in their chairs doing anC
nodding, and now and then swearing {
word or two of impatieuce, as they waited
till daylight did appear. The longest nigh
has q morning and at last the sun cam,
along. and then in due time good break
fast made its appearance: but to the sur
prise OF the lawyers, who thought th
house was crowded with guests, none bu
themselves sat down to partake.
Why, Ford, thought your house wa
so full you you couldn't give us a bed las
nightH said Burder.
Il didn't say sr,' replied Ford.
| You didn't? What in the name of thun
der, then, did you sayf'
You asked me to let you stay here al
night, and l said that would be impossible
for the night was nigh into two thirds gon
when you came. If you only wanted beds
why on earth didn't you say so?'
The lawyers had to give it up. Three
them on one side, and the landlord alon
had beat them all.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
wit and Wisdom.
Manners makes q man.
Study men az well as books.

Study men az we'll as books.
Positive men err most of any.
Never wade in unknown waters.
Look not gift horse in the mouth.
Never wish thing dune, but do it.
Sell not virtue to purchase wealth.
Romorse is very often the barbs of the
arrow of affection.
Some snowy quality very often screens
a number of unsightly ores.
Mems arguments often prove nothing but
their wishes.
None are so weary as those who never
work.
Men are often resigned, but never COM
tented.
Undeserved popularity is the prelude to
contempt
When men try to get more good than
comes from we'll doing, they always get
less.
Most men die before they have learned
to live.
We cannot escape the evils of life, by
shrinking from its duties.
Ifli.e improves the character, death will
improve the condition.
Injury must never provoke a good man
to do wrong.
1t were base first to raise confidence
and then deceive it.
Learning is preferable to riches, virtue
to both.
Maids want nothing but husbands, aud
then they want everything.
Make choice of your wife by the ears,
and not by the eyes.
Make no enemies; he is Insignificant in
deed, that can do thee no harm.
Make other mems shipwrecks thy sea-
marks
Though virtue gives ragged livery, yet
she gives d golden cOuDtenance.
tranquility of mind and temperance Of
body, are the complete felicities of life
To be happy is a blessed state. and that
every man may have if be pieases.
Neither look Cor troubles nor be entire
ly unprovided for them
Never do that in prosperity whereof, you
may repent in adversely.
Never marry without love nor without
reason.
Never think of raising your reputation
by detraction.
Poverty wants some, luxury many, av-
arice all things
Sloth is commonly the mother of power
ty.
Solid love. whose root is virtue, can no
more than die virtue itself.
Mr.. Jones, a country surgeon, who was
bald, being on visit OF the house of a
friend whose servant wore q wig, after
some bantering the jocular doctor remark
ed:
You see how bald sn, and don't wear
q wig
True. sir replied the servant, but an
empty barn requires no thatch.'
We interest ourselves too much in things
that ought to have no interest for US. Our
mind plays the wsnton, and gives itself to
every wooer.
IoduI0e in humor inst n, rnpch an VIM
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

The REvIvIFIED RosE.-Take a rose that
is quite faded. and after throwing some
common sulphur on chsfng dish Of hot
Goals, bold the rose over the fumes end IL
will become quite white. Then dip il into
a basin Of water, and giving it to any one.
tell him TO put it into bis drawer or box.
and elose the place tightly Five or sig
hours afterwards tell him to open the box.
and he will find to his establishment, in
stead OF the white rose be put there, rose
perfectly red
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

A misery old farmer who had lost one
ofthe best hands in the midst of hay max
ing, remarked to the sexton, as he was fl
ling up the poor fellows grave lis a
sad thing to lose a good mower. at a time
like this-but, after all, poor Tom was
dreadful great eater.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
BY G. & G. FARLEY.
NJ Y p s A L NJ .
IT J. O. WHITTIER.

nj . u
mourn no more my vanished yearf;
Beneath a tender rain
An April rain Of smiles and tears,
My heart is young again.
Tht.west winds blow, and singing low
hear the glad streams run;
The windows of my soul throw
Wide open to the sun.
No longer forward nor behind
look in hope and fear;
But, grateful. take the good find
rbe best Of now an here.
/ pillow no more a desert land,
To harvest weed and tare;
To mama dropping from Gods hand
Rebukes my painful care.
break my pilgrim stan. Hay
Aside the toiling oar;
The angel sought 80 far away
Iwelcome. at my door.
The airs Of Spring may never play
Among the ripinine rorn.
Nor freshness Of the flowers Of May
Blow through the Autumn morn.
Through fring'ed lids to heaven,
And the pale aster in the brook
Shall see its image given.
The woods shall wear their robes Of praise,
The south wind softly signs;
And sweet calm days in golden haze
Melt down the amber sky.
Not lees shall many deed and word
Rebuke an age Of wrong;
The craven now'rs that wreath the sword
Make not the blade less strong.
But shifting hands shall learn to heal
To build to destroy;
Nor less my heart for others feel
That the more enjoy.
All as Gcd wills, who wisely heeds
To give or to withhold,
And knOweth more of all my needs
Than all my pray'rs have told!
Enough tn at blessings undeserved
Have marked my erriDg track
That wheresoe'er my feet have swervcd,
His chsst'ning turned me back;
That more and more Providence
oflove is understood,
Making the springs of time and sense
Sweet with eternal good;
That Death seems but the covered way
Which opens into light,
Wherein no blind child can stray
Beyond the Fathers sight;
That care and trial seem atlast,
Through Mem'rys sunset air,
Like mountain ranges overcast
In purple distance far;
That all the Earring notes of life
Seem blending in psalm,
And all the angels Of its strife
Slow rounding into calm.
And show the shadows fell apart,
And so the west winds play;
And all the windows Of my heart
] open to the day,
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

DIR. Jnhnson says that "among the enc
mics OF friendship are suspicion and dis
gust. The former is always hardening the
cantions. the latter always repelling the
delicate"
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
clark, looking up from her work. "He

CLARK. looking up from her work. "He
z "But he is living. Caroline" said /.
no is living 2" she asked.
The person you so often think about.
who sent Lucy Walters thirty pounds, and
whom you kissed"
Mr.. Clark 70 exclaimed my wife. as the
work fell from her hands on her lap.
Mrs. Clark 70 retorted.
"You don't think How can you say
such thingi"
And puzzled expression rested on my
wife's face that, in spite of all my powers
oi resistance forced me TO laugh aloud
Oh l remember now" she said !;
Ralph said something like that once when
you were present"
"Then Mrs. CLARK, you deny having kiss
She threw her work aside suddenly, and
arose.
Harry is it possible that Il was you i'
Very probably, certainly"
And you have concealed It all this timel
You are the most deceptive Of men |" she
exclaimed. .ssA. y 8 = 49,
"Don't blame me for doing what neither
you nor any other woman can do" said /,
land that is, keep secret-unless it be
her age"
81 will not believe it," said Mrs. Clark
because you tried to surprise me into a
confession. aud failed" replied. "Then
let this be the proof:
was prepared for this scene, and drew
from my pocket the embroidered handker-
chief, and pointed out her initials to her,
whereupon we mutually agreed that she
had made fortunate mistake.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
New Years Calls by the Brig.
adler.


Orpheus c. Kerr. writing to the N. 2.
Sunday Mercury. edifies Us with the fol,
lowing description of the impressive and
distinguished manner IN which the Gen.
erai oil the Mackeral Brigade conducted
himself on New Years dsy.
On New Years Day. my boy. the Gen.
erai OF the Mackeral Brigade desired me
to make lew calls with him and arfsaf.
ed at my lodgings in a confirmed state Of
kid gloves, which be bought for the en-
press purpose Of making q Joke.
"a happy New Year to you, nv Duke Of
Wellington" Gays I. "You look as friskv
as q spring lamb"
Thunder you might better call me a
goat, my Prushian blue, eeeitg that Pye
GOT couple of kids on hands Just now"
The Joke was good article in the glove
line, my boy, aud don't Think that the
general had been studying over it more
than four hours before We met.
We made our FIRST call at q house wbers
the ladies were covered with smiles as with
a garment; and remarked that the day was
fine. The general smiled in return, until
bis profile reminded me of q cracked teapot,
! and says he:
Ladies, allow me to tender the eompli-
ments OF the season. In this wine," saws
ne, (which l hold in my hand, L behold
the roses of your cheeks when YOU blusti
and the sparkle Of your eyes when you
iaugs- let us hope that another New
Gear WIZ md our unhappy country free
from Der enemies, and the curse of African
slavery blotted from the map."
whispered to the general that slavery
WASN'T on the map at all, and be confden-
tally informed me that be dam.
We then rapoi-ad 40 a 49,
ladies bad very happy expression Of
eour tenance, and they told us that it was
pleasant day. The general accidentally
filled wine glass with the juice Of grape,
and says be
Ladies, suffer me to articuIate the com
pliments of the season. This aromatic
beverage" says be, sis but LIQUID pre-
sentiment OF your bushes and glances. Let
US frost that within a year our countr,
Will resume the blessings of peace. and
the unhappy bondman will be obliterated
from the map"
One of the ladies said "te-be.D
Another said that she FELT 'he he pr
1 believe her, my boy
As we returned to the street. I told thu
general that he'd better leave out the man
at the next places, and he raid that he'd
do 1t If he wasn't afraid that Congress
wouldn't confirm his appointment, If bs
dfl.
We then visited family where the la
dies bad faces besming with happiness. and
observed that it was a bsaufiIaI 5a7. The
general happened to be placed near a cut
glass goblet, and says he:
'Lodies, 10 compliance with the day We
celebrate, offer the co-nplihents OF the
season. This mantling nectar" save he,
"blushes like woman and glistens Ike her
orbs. Let us pray that in the coming
twelve months. che stars su6 stripes will
be re-established, and the negro removed
from the map"
He also said HE, my boy and one of the
ladies wanted 70 know what that meaos.
L told her that He was Latin term from
Cicero de oficis, and meant He iacet-
] Here lies. -
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

Guilt quells the courage of the bold,
ties the tongue of The eloquent. and makes
greatness itself sneak and Turk like q COW
ard.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
Jonet signal rate. Of Aa,er,l.,.r.
JOE Rim TIN

Job Printing ofevsr ydescrtptioi vii be neatly
rpsditiouslyexeeutedt TO order onI iberia iterm.
Ana'sortment of blanks KEEP tconstantIy on ha
~ All orders for Advertising or Job Work nu
be accompanied by cash, unless some rzfsoi kn5va
uoecomes responsible for the ssme.-Es
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

The devil has worked enough for all his
friends but he pays their wages only in
fuel.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

Callous hearts that ars insensibIe to the
misery of others. are susceptible Of 10 real
delight.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

This must be q very healthy place for
cnickene- remarked a hotel keeper. whyf'
'because never seen any dead ones about.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

Many make prayers which they would
be ashamed to trust to the Lord except IN
strict confidence.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

If Parents are shsmsless. the conduct az
children will generally be shameful.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

Love is Of superlatise vorth that il il
more honorable to be its victim than lie
copqueror.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

Ladies, please be sweet. but dom, b
too formal. Be roses but dOp's BE- prin,
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
i. PAINTING AND PAPERING.

niO-z Of Joliet and vicinity are respectively
hintIn l that We the subscribers continue the
sIIoSs ~ business in all jtsbranchea
W JOLIET ST. Opposite the Joliet Housed
Jeli,,. s.n, a. So, DoRR &6CHoTT.
'0sP''zo, 1869. nlltf
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

ipr. * warranted TO give entire satisfaction, and
ssy. sun the tunes. Orders sent by mail will
p' attention. (n2ly)
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

The sincere graf tade Of Ope oyerrays nj,
for The iogrstitrds Of twenty.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24
SHOW RESPECT TO THE DEAD.
NIFY MARBLE FACTORY,

Monuments, Head stones, &C.
IOIISSes Jefferson Street, north Of County Jail,
ILLINOIS.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

Indulge in humor just az much as you
please DO it isn't ILL humor.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

We interest ourselves too much in things
that ought to have no interest for US. Our
mind plays the wanton, and gives itself to
every wooer.
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

DRAFTS SOLD ON NEW YORK,
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, and MILWAUKEE, WIS,
BILLS OK EIcHA cAsHKD Oh COLLECTED.
Inquire Of the under signed
URI oSGooD, Joliet, Illinois.
HONEY RECEIVED ON DEPOSIT,
CONvEYANCING DONE, AND
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS TAKEN By
URI OsGOOD, Joliet, Illinois
Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-06-24

.r,Uk GROVER, Attorneys 4 Counselors at Law
R3s., IIinois ONCE opposite Court House, Jefer
psHse. pc. GROVER.