The Placer herald., 1862-04-05
Another Letter from Orpheus c. Kerr.

EDITOR l. I.:-Ihere is still much llngual
gymnastics, my boy, concerning the recent
fete sham pate at the White House; but Colo.
mel Wobert Wobnson of the Western Cav
airy, has extinguished the grumblers BY Prov
ing that the entertainment was strictly con
stitutional. He profoundly observes, my boy
that it comes under the head Of that clause
of the constitution which secures to the
people of America the pursuit of happiness"
and, as he justly remarks, if you stop the
pursuits Of happiness" where is the Instru,
ment OF our liberties?
1t pleases me greatly to announce, my
boy, that the General Of the Msckerel Brig
ade believes in Mcclellan, and gorgeousIy
defends him against the attacks of that por
ton of depraved press which has friends
dying of old age in the army on the Poto
mac.
"Thunder!' says he to Capt. Bob Shorty,
stirring the Oath in his tumblsr with tooth
brush-"the way Little Mac is devoting him.
Sc + to the military squelching Of this here
unnatural rebellion is actually outraging his
physical nature. He reviews his staff twice
a day, goes over the river every five minutes,
studies international law six hours before
dinner, takes soundings Of the mud every
time the dew falls, and takes so little sleep
that there's two inches of dust on his eye
balls. Would you believe it," says the Gen
eral, placing the tumber over his nose to
keep of fly, "his devotion is such that his
hair is turning grey and will probably dye!
Capt. Bob Shorty whistled. | do not
mean to say that he intended to be musically
satirical, my boy; but if should hear such
a canary bird remark after I'd told story
somebody would 60 home with his eyes done
up in rainbows.
"Permit me-" says Captain Bob Shorty,
hurling the rest of the Oath into an aperture
under his moustache. "You convince me
that little Macs devotion is extraordinary"
continued Captain Bob Shorty, dreamily:
shut be don't come up to a chap once
knew which was an editor. Talk about de
votion and on,raging nature" says Captain
Bob Shorty, splitting with exquisite accuracy
into the eyes of the regimenal cat, "why
that ere editor threw body, soul and breech
es into his work; and so completely identi
fed himself with free and enlightened press
that his first child was news boy"
The General of the Mackerel Brigade
arose from his seat, my boy. wound up his
watch, brushed off his boots, threw the cat
out of the window, aud then says he:
Robert" name of Shorty, "did you ever
read in the Bible about Annanias, who was
struck dead for telling telegraph!
Il heard about him." says Captain Bob
Shorty, "when was but innocent lamb,
and wore my mothers slipper on my back
about as otter as she wore it on her foot"
''Well," says the General, with the air of
thoughtful parent, ''t's my opinion that if
you'd been Annanias, the same streak Of
lightning would have buried you, and paid
the sexton"
+ From this logical and vivid conversation,
my boy, you will understand that our leading
military men have perfect faith in the genius
of Mcclellan, and believe that he is equal
to fifty yards Of the Star Spang|ed Banner.
His great anaconda has gathered itself in a
circle around the doomed rabbit of rebellion,
and if the rabbit swells he's goner.
This great anaconda, my boy, may remind
hellish readers of an anaconda once seen by
a chap Of my acquaintance living in the
Sixth Ward. This chap, my boy, came
tearing into a place where they kept the
Oath on tap, and says he:
"I've Just seen an anaconda down Broadl
way"
"Anna who?" says the red nosed Alder
man, dipping his finger into the water on
the stove to see if it was warm enough to
melt some brandy refined sugar
Il said anaconda, you ignorant cuss," says
| he.
"Ab!" says the Alderman Somebody's
been stuffing you."
mo sir!" says the chap, "but somebody's
been stuffin' the anaconda, though"
He'd been to the museum.
Ii there be among your unfortunate rea d.
ers, my boy, any persons of such depraved
mind as to perceive likeness between be-
tween this Anaconda and that Anaconda,
may they be sent to Fort Lafayette, and
compelled to read Tupper's poems until the
rabbit of rebellion is reduced to his last
quarter.
Early this morning a couple Of snuff col
ored pckets brought female Southern Com
federacy into camp, stating that she had call
ed them nasty things and spit all over their
guns. She said she wanted to see the oath
some creature that commanded them, and
her eyes flashed so when they took her by
the arms, that her vail took fire twice and
her eyebrows smoked repeatedly.
The General of the Mackerel Brigade
received her courteously, only poking her in
the ribs to see if she had any Armstrong
guns concealed about her. Says he:
Have the honor of addressing the wife
of the Southern Confederacy?"
The female Confederacy drew herself up
as proudly as a First Family Of Virginia
when the butchers bill comes to be paid,
and replied, in soprano Of great compass:
81 am tina: injured woman, you ugly swine!'
The General bowed until his lips touched
a na wfar mun ON the table and then SAYS ha: