davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

Arrive aU Ofe't BEND -. 6:4D &C
= These Trains connect at Great Bend with the
Night Express Trains both East and West on the
New York and Erie, and at Scranton with Trains on
Lnckawanna and BlOomsburg Railroad, for Pittston.
Kingston and Wilkcsb IRE aud the Train na5ving
South connects at Junction ith Trains for Betlle-
hem, Mauch Chunk, Reading and Harrisburg
Passengers to and from New York change cars 4
Junction. To and From Philadelphia, via B. D. r.
r. leave or take at Hope
For Pittston, Kingston and WIlfes-Barre, take l..
x 3. r. p. cars at Scranton.
For Jessap frcAbald and Carboalaler take emni-
bus at Scranton
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

WANTED "A RESPECTABLE PERSON OF
w EITHER SEX in every neighborhood to sell J.
H. STAFFoRD's OLIVE TAR, and also J R. SrAFFoRD's s
IRON AND SULPHUR PowDRRs Olive tar is n thir
transparent fluid; Il is the best remedy known for
diseases of the Throat Lungs, or Catarrh Also for
Diptheria, Group, Whooping Cough &C. NV Iroa
and Sulphur Powders strengthen the system, aid the
digestion, and purify the blood. have a l6 pooe
pamphlet containing full explanations and over roo
testimonials from we'll known prominent persons
which will send to any one. free by mail
]. R. STAFFORD, Chemist.
yln24,ly. 442 Broadway. New Yaorr
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

THE PIcKErs..-" Well, what next?" said Mrs
Partingon, she interrupted Ike, who was re ding
the war news, the pckets driven in five miles!
Bless my poor soul that will make a strong fence. I
suppose they had to be driven in deep to keep in the
scsaonaders from digging out under them"
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

5e' sporting gentleman, passing by house OBJ
served on the door the seperate names Of physician
and surgeon, and faectiousy remarked that the cir
cumstance put him in mind of double barrcled gun
for if one missed the other was sure to kill
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

.zg Mr.. Brown, you say the witness was honest
and intelligent. What makes you think SO ? Are
you acquainted with him?" ''No, sir; have never
seen him betere." "Why, then do you como to such
a conclusion ~ Because lie takes five newspapers.
and pays for every of them in advance"
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20
Wise aup qtbermise,
THE DEMIJOHN CHURCH.

Old Judge Of Alabama kept demijohn of Ja-
msica in his private Office The Judge had noticed
that on Monday mornings his Jamaica was lighter
Another fact had gradual sab.hed itself in his
mind. His Sam wasm missing from the pew in
church On Sunday afternoon Sam came in and went
up stairs rather heavy. when the Judge hailed him:
"Sam, where have ybu bsaR2la
{" To church, sir" was thS HV8Bpt reply.
''What church, Sam?"
"Second Methodist, sir.''
" Had a good sermon Sam ?"
Very powerful sir; it quite staggered me sir''
All l see" said the Judge, quite powerful, eh
Sam %
The next Sunday the son came home rather earlier
than usual, and apparently not so much under the
weather" His father hailed him:
Well Sam, been to the Second Methodist again
to-day ?'
YES, sir">
Coed sermon my boy? 2"
Fact was, father that l couldn't get in church
shut up and ticket on the door,
Sorry, Sam; keep going-you may get good by it
yet"
Sam says on gong to the Office for his usual Spirit
ual refreshments, he found the John " empty, and
bearing the following label:
There Will be service here to-day this church
being closed for repairs"
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

" The G. s. A., says an exchange, have chosen
the very name they are entitled to. They are, in
facthe Colored States of America, Their secession
and barbarous warfare have proved them to be the
Coward States of America, and ssen they will be the
Conquered States of America.
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

10 d" am great gun, said tipsy printer who
hrd been on a spree for a week. 81 Yes" said the
foreman, ''you're a great gun and half cooked and
you can consider yourself dis harged" "Well said
Typo, then | had better 60 off,"
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20
I TO MAKE POTATO PIES.

MIS- M j. Cole sends the Ohio Farmer the follow
ing recipe:
nave noticed In the Farmer several recipes for
f''"'o' P-es' anu "a none of them are as easi-
siy made as mice have Concluded to send it 70 von
rate raw potatoe, about the ,i,a Of . ,,oosa
aa3 two eggs beaten with three tale sroonfDls Of
asAgr little salt, spice to suit the taste ~, lin,
saieient to fill large pie plate; prepare the
e yon would for oustard but bake little longer
you win have good pie" ''A'
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

tz5' Gen, ordsays TIL I the Federal arms do not
ego off" so quickly as they did when he was secre-
tary of War.
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

g<g' a Washington correspondent says: There is
to believe that the President receives no small
amount of advice from politicians, who intrude upon
him with their opinions, and who rather EN-
phatic than courteous. Il tell you Mr.. President"
said Senator one day, "unless proposition for
ancipaton is adopted by the government. viii all
60 10 the ID, at this very moment we are not over
o1e mile from h-ll.' " Perhaps no" piled the
President, as believe that is just about the dist
ance from here % the Capitol, where you gentlemen
are in gessioE."
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

Up comes the Jevil--slow and solemn.
And sets two lines to fill this column
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20
WHISKERS 0R A MUSThCHEI

in from three to six weeks This article is the onn
one of the kind used by the French, and in Londoy
and Paris it in universal use. SIS .e
1t is beautiful economical soothing yet stimula-
ting compound, acting as if by magic upon the roots,
causing beautiful growth of luxuriant hair If ap-
piled to the sealpit will Badness and cause to
spring up in place of the bald spots fine growth of
new hair Applied according to directions, it will
tura RED light hair DARK, and restore gray hair
to its original color leaving it soft smooth, and ex
ible. The 0NGUENT" is Indispensable articl
in every gentleman's toilet and after one weeks
they would not for any consideration be without it,
The subscribers are the only Agents for the article
in the United States to whom al orders must be ad
dressed.
Prise ONE DOLLAR box-for sale by all Druggists
and Dealers~-or box of the onguent," warranted
to have the desired effect will be sent to any, who Pc
sire it, by mail, tlirect) securely packed recep
of price and postage, Sl.lS.
Apply to or address HORACE WOODL
South 7th St. cor Grasd, Williamsbarth.
North Branch democrat. [volume] (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, 1862-08-20

LICE ON cArrLE-A little coal oil poured upop tho
cara pefore earding cattle, viii eeeually destroy 81,
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23
Life On the Rail.

Col. HARRIS of Field Notes is responsible
for the following outrageous story:
The Cleveland and Mahoning railroad, as
our upstate readers know, is bully little
concern, of which our worthy Governor is
President aud Charles Rhodes Superintend-
ent; if they do not know this, it is not the
fault Of the Cleveland Herald, which took oc-
casion to mention the fact sometime last fall
Passing the American House yesterday on
our way homeward, who should we meet but
Cherley Rhodes, enjoying his after supper oi-
gar, and Of course in excellent good humor.
Besides being model superintendent, Rhodes
is a modle of virtuous modesty and gallant de-
votion to the gsntler sex, a fact which we
have noted heretofore. After the usual greet
ings the following dialogue ensued:
Eslit0r-How do you get along now with
the G. g. NJ. for dignity, since the Governor
has left you? e.
S.s1sratepdsnt-O! very well, I put on lit
tie more dignity for the-credit of the concern;
but the other day the Governor was up on
visit, and both of us getting on the same train,
broke it down, and we had to send back for
another engine. Having to wait good while
a lady friend who was along, says to me-
''AIr Rhodes, what is the matter with your
engine?" Said I, MADAM you don't under
stand much about an engine, so I can't well
explain it to you, but the difficulty is, our en-
gine makes acater instead Of making SteaDa"
We smiled rather loud, and went on our
WaV.
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23

giving groan of fatigue Imagine them safe
ly enscenced at Mr.. Polk's on their road
South.
"Afr Sanders" said the Governor, with
dignifed suavity, after the walnuts and wine.
claimed to be an acquaintance Of yours, and
we. .wete very glad to send him forward"
The Hon. Governor maintained through
out that easy, selfpossessed manner which
charaeterizes the gentleman"
The Emisary--for he ought to be so known
shortly after suggested to the Provisional
Government that he was broke, and wish
ed to represent the Seventh Congressional
District Of Kentueby-that is, the Louisville
District; for, said he, in his persuasive, con
idential tones that is the only way know
of for man who is without money to get to
Richmond
A session was at once held of the State
Council, and It is our pleasure to record that
Mr.. Sanders is now authorized by the Provis-
ional Government to proceed to Richmond
and represent our interest in the rebel Con-
gress, vic H.W Bruce, removed or resigned"
Mr.. Polk afEthis time addressed the new
Congressman, saying he had a particular favor
to ask.
"Bil," said George to his host, speaking
out of full heart and full chest "Bill, you
are boy after my own heart; whatever re
quest you make grant"
at is only trihe," said Mr.. Polk, (which
you can very costly grant, and which will
please you"
at is granted" interrupted the grateful
Sanders.
al may be arrested" continued Mr.. Polk,
"within a few minutes, for disagreeing with
Governor Harris concerning some measures
which he has urged upon the people"
"Never mind that, said the iupetuous San
ders, @Tl stand by you"
Gan want" continued Mr. Polk, "is for
you to return to Nashville as hostage for uly
Wits and family"
"Bll Polk" said George, gravely but firm
ly, "you are a man love you, and love
your wife and family; 6at !f ereT go back to
NashriIe, may Ibe id"
OfcOurse there was no reply to this, and
the redOubtable George and the Provisional
Government soon went on their way rejoic-
ing.
We do not pretend to give this in the Ian
guage or manner Of Mr.. Polk. which is said
to be inimitable. He has remained quietly at
home, and taken no part in the contest; but
we are indebted to him, or TO some one who
has reported it as coming from him, for q ge-
nial and laughable account of the exit of what
once promised to be very injurious to our
State, and still more for his Characterization
Of that wise, pushing, inoomprehensible char
acter, Geo. n Sanders, member Of Congress
from the Seventh District of Kentucky to
Richmond
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23
A Queer Case.

A CERTAIN witness in an assault and battery
suit we once heard, mixed things up consid-
erably, in giving his account Of the affair AZ
ter relating how Dennis came to him and
struck him, he proceeded
$50 yer honnor I just hauled off and wiped
his jaw. Just then his dog cum along, and l
hit him again"
"Hit the dog?"
"No, yer honor, hit Dennis. And then
up wild stun and throwed it at him, and
rolled him over and over"
"Threw a stone at Dennis ?"
"At the dog, yer honor. And he got up
and hit me again"
"The dog?"
"No, Dennis And with that he stuck his
tail betwixt his legs and run Off" s-
Dennis ?"
"No, the dog, And when he came at me
he got me down and pounded me, yer honor. "
1.-THE dog came back at you?"
"No, Dennis, yer honor, and lie isn't hurt
any at all"
"Who isn't hurt?'
"The dog, yer honOr?"
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23
Ggoa 9olitifaI 9ea0inr.

SEN DoOLrTLE, Republican United States
Senator from Wisconson, in a late speech in
the Senate, made the following sensible re-
marks. He said: n
Let US look at the real facts, and neither
deceive ourselves nor any body else. How
do the free States stand on the qestion2 In
my own State, where there are few colored
men, there is not much feeling, one way or
another. And so in New England. But in p
the States near the slave States how is it2-z
Illinois has formed a constitution excluding
free eolored men. Indiana las some similar
provision, and venture to say if you come
down to the practical question whether, if the
whole negro population were to beset free and
distributed around among the several States, B
you would find just The same repugnances IN
the more Northern States that is now sxHib- .
tied in Illinois and Indiana. I have been in- I
formed that in l843 distinguished gentleman
of Vermont was elected to Congress, one Of 3
his neighbors, a well-to-do farmer, came to
pay his respects to him before he left for
Washington, and says he: Judge, when you
get to Washington, I wish you would take
hold Of this negro question and have it dis
posed Of. Let US have slavery abolished and
no more said about it" HWen,D said the
Judge, O. suppose many ofthose people who
hold slaves have paid money for them Per-
haps you think it would be no more than Just
that they should have some compensation
"Well, yes," says the farmer, 'I think would
stand my share of the tax for that .'But,"
said the Judge, "there is another important
question. What shall be done with them?
There must be some place for them to live
Perhaps you would think it fair that we
should take our share Of then2 ,'rHFen, about
how many would that be2" swell, our share q
would be about one to every six Whites, or
about 500 for the town of Woodstock.-
''What," said the farmer, 900 negroes in
Woodstock. viii bid you good evening,
Judge" He started of, but as he got on his
horse lie turned around and said: Judge
you need not do any thing more about the
negro question on my account" Laughter
Perhaps it is not amiss to say that that distin-
guished Judge sits before me now. IAlr.lCOl-
Iamer.l Now, when we come to the thing
itself, and look it seriously in the face it IS a
very important question, what is to be done
with this race of peopIe.
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23
WHAT PRIVATE MAGUIRE SAYS:

uOch! it is nate to be captain or colonel,
Divil a bit would want to be higher,
But to rust as a private thinks an internal
Predicamint surely, says Private Mcguire.
aThey can go sparkin' and playin' at billiards,
With money to spend for their slightest de-
sire,
Loafn' end attn and dhrinkin' at Wizards.
While we're on picket, says Private Mcguire
ULivin' in clover, they think it's a thri6e
To stand out all night in the rain and the mire,
And a rebel hard by with a villainous rife
1Jistready to pop -ye3 says Private Mcguire.
sFaith, now, It not that m asar eon1plainin' :
I'm spiIin' to meet We, JEFF Davis, Esquire
Ye blag-gard Its only Tn weary Of thrainin',
and thrainin, and thrainin, j" says Private Ma
guire,
40 Lord for a row i-but, Mcguire, be aisy,
Keep youTseF sweetfof the inerny's fire,
McClellan's the sapIin that shortly viii Plazc ye
Be the holy St. Patrick 2 says Private Mcguire,
And, lad, If ye're hit, %, bedad that internal
Jimmy O'Dowd would make up to Maria ,
Whether ye're captain or major or colonel
Yen die with the best, then" says Private
Mcguire Vanity Fair
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23
The Physical Men Of Ohio.

The Commissioner of Statistics of the State
of Ohio, in his annual report, gives the fol-
lowing description of the physique of the men
of Ohio:
The Commissioner says that Professor
Henry and himself have been several years
engaged in defining the American man, by
accurate measurements. He persents only
such Of these as go to describe accurately the
men of Ohio.
For the purpose he gives the measurement
of three hundred iarmeres, miners and labor
ers in several counties; of two hundred and
thirty others in eleven villages, and five COM
panies of Kennett's Cavalalry, all native
Americans The following appears the gen
eral result of these measurements: that the
man of Ohio is five feet nine and one-third
inches high and is taller than any European
nation of which there are measurements.
He is taller than the Belgian by several in
ches, taller than the English, and even taller
than the Scotch Hilanders. The Hlanders,
however, exceed the American around the
chest, and are, on the whole, the stoutest.
In complexion, eyes and heir, the light pre-
dominates over the dark. The prevailing hair
is brown, and the prevailing eyes are grey Or
blue. In one word, the native American is
modified German of the time of Tacitus and
such he ought to be from his antecedents."
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23
A Strange Dream.

OLD SQUIRE w. is an honest jovial soul,
with few seligiOus scruples-fond OF laugh /;
Or good joke at any time. He relates the
following on himself, as an actual occurrence (:
=" One night, boys, had very strange
dream. I thought I was about to get to
Heaven. A long ladder, like Jacobs reach
ed from the good place. and it was on tins
ladder that 1 went up. When reached the
top found a space of seven or eight feet in
tervening between the last round and the ce-
lostial gate. I could see within and catch
glimpses of the fine things inside, Peter stood
at the entrance-he leaned over-reached out
his hand, and told me to make big jump. I
I did jump boys, and got one ofAed-dest. falls
yo1 erer heard ?j-for found myself sprawl
ing on the floor, having jumped out Of bed
trying to jump into heavenI"
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23

A PoNDEoUs BALL.-Our readers will be
pleased to learn that arrnements are being
made to put the two immense guns at Fort
tress Monroe-the "Rodmau' ffteen-inch
smoothbore, and the 'Union," twelve-inch
raed-in a condition for offensive operations.
Riaed proiectiles are making far the 'Union, +"
and huge solid shot for the ffteen-inch gun at
the Fort Pitt Works Tie ball is not e. a2tly
solid, but is cast as to secure even greater
strength than ifmade solid, the lore being but
four inches in diameter. This opening being
filed with lead, and when complete weighing
four hundred and thirty pounds, They are
not made Of the common metal used in other
shot and shell, but of the very best quality Of
Bloomfield at that-almost as hard
as chilled iron, and nearly as toughta as wrought
iron. Tie heavy gates are turned Of il a
lathe, and tie balls are finished up in the or
dinary "ball mill, loaded and slipped. Great
exertions have been made TO supply the guns
at the earliest moment with sufficient num-
Der Of shots for any emergency. Should the
rebel monster Merirmack expose herself to a
fair shot from one Of those balls, we can safely
wager that the heads nearest the armOr, on
the inside, will ache for while.
A recent order, we learn, has changed the
name of the "Floyd" Or "Rodnan' gun to the
Lincoln. "-Pti55ng Dis.
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23
Be Courteous.

IL this age Of blunt remark and disrespect-
ful language, it may seem quaint and old fash
Ioned to recommend to you the duty of cour-
tesy. No young man is educated, no young
man is fitted for society, till he has learned
how to be respectful and polite. In the home
ofyour youth to your superiors and only your
equals, this trait of character should be cult
waited and displayed. CiviIty costs but little /;
yet it viii work a mans way through life, and
secure him friends with a certainty that moth
ing can equal. A gentleman, who from pow
erty and obscurity had arisen to fame and
wealth, was once inquired Of for the charm
that led to such results.
81 owe my whole success, said he, to one
small word-civility."
If you respect the rights and feelings Of
others your own viii be respected
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23
.aU Sorts of @uO6 8ta0ing.

Geneology of Prominent Rebels.
II Connecticut can boast of originating a
Brother Jonathan, a Commodore Hull, an
Ellsworth, a Lyon, Mcclellan, a Foo.e-and
to have trained and brought out q Putnam, a
Roger Sherman, an Eli Whitney, Fulton, a
Joel Barlow, Col Humphrey, Col. Colt a
David Bushnell, an electric Morse, and scores
of other worthies-she is also humiliated in
giving origin to an Arnold, Jefferson Davis,
an Alexander H. Stephens. The parents Of
the two latter men We're residents of North
Killingly. The father of JEFF. Davis moved
from black Rock district, the northwest cor
ner of North Kilingworth, about sixty-two
years ago, and it is said settled at frstsnear
Marietta, Ohio, whence sthere was an easy
transit down the then wilds of Mississippi,
about the time of the Jefferson purchase OF
Louisiana-hence the name.
The father of A. H. Stephens moved from
the northeast district of Killingworth sixty
two years ago this coming summer, and set
tied in Georgia Probably the President and
Vice President of the rebel Confederacy were
born after their parents left Connecticut
They have numerous cousins now living in
the neighborhood. The old gentleman from
whom I got my internationally name of
Stephens, 80 years old-was cousin to Vice
President Stephens father, and his first wife
was cousin to President Davis father His
children, of course, are second cousins to both
the rebel Presidents. He traces the geneol-
ogy Of these men back several generation
he says Jel. Davis was the son OF James Da-
Wis, who was the son of James Davis-all of
whom he can remember. A. II. Stephens
was the son of Israel Stephens, and grandson
Of Amos Stephens, and great grandson Of
Amos Stephens-an living since his memory.
No wonder, with such Yanl1y element at their
head the deIuded Southerners fight pretty
well.-N Y Tribune,
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23
ssnsibls Magistrate.

Is tie early period Of the history Of Meth
odisul, some Of Mr.. Wesley's opponents, in
the excess Of their zeal against enthusiasm,
took up whole wagon load o. is.hodi2l and
carried them be.cr5 a magistrate. When they
were asked what the persons had done, there
was an awkward silence. At last one Of the
accusers said, ''Why they pretend to be bet
ter than other people; and. besides, they pray
from morning I'LL night The magistrate ssL-
ed il they had done anything else. ayes,
sir said the old man, ant please your wor-
ship, they converted my wife; till she went
among them she had an awful lounge, and
now she is as quit as lamb, Garry them
back said the magistrate, and let them con-
vert all the scolds in the town"
Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-04-23
/" The Deuce is Gone. )"

A GENTLEMAN Of New York was going out
in his carriage to make some calls with his
wife, when he discovered that he had left his
visiting cards in his chamber. He ordered his
footman, recently come into his service, to go
to the mantle piece in room, and bring the
cards he should see there. The servant did
as he was ordered, retained the articles to be
used as directed, and of started the gentleman,
sending the footman in with tie card, when
ever the not at home occurred. As these
were numerous, he turned to his servant with
the question: Well. sir, says the servant,
nnocently, "there's the king Of spades, the
seven Of hearts and ace Of spades is left. 'The
duceF' exclaimed his master. 'gThat's gone,"
said John, 81 left it at a house in the Fifth
avenue" That servant was a trump.