Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1862-10-23
Items.


FvERY young lady is public spirited
enough TO be willing to have her fathers
house used as a court house.
I a mathematician, being asked by
stout fellow. eff two pigs weigh twenty
pounds how much will large hog weigh9"
replied "Jump into the scales and / will
tel you Immediately"
NESnLY every evil has its compensa.
ton. IL man has but one foot. he nev.
er treadS on his own toes.
The Scriptures say that narrow is tho
road that leads to life, but many pursue
narrow ways who arc notgoing to Heav-
en-.
/ 1t is sail that a sheriff is the most dis
agreeable ing machine extant. MANY
poor fellow is completely sewed up
by him
Then III bring a suit for nv billp,
said an enraged tailor to n dandy, who
/ refused to pay him. "Do my dear fell
low" replied the imperturable swell,
| pointing to his thread bare clothes, that's
Just what want"
We presume the reason why woman is
mole respected in this country than any
others is that she deserves to be.
AS inspecting officer, in going along the
line. Of a portion o. the Army ofthe Po-
tomar, lately arrived at Washington,
took a musket from The hand of a SOL
der, and said, after brief examination
Patrick, vour musket is very rusty."
"Indaie it is sir' said Pat" "but We
ought to see me spade!'
Says little three year old Ruth-"Pa-
pa please bnt me muff when you go to
Boston. "Sister Minnie, standing by
says-"You are too little to have a mufi."
"Am too little to be coi3}" reioins in
lignant little Ruth
y witness was recently asked in one Of
our courts how he knew that q certain
couple, concerning whom he was testify
ing, were man and wife. why, said
he, I've heard 'em quarreling more than
fifty timesW
AcQUIREMESr Of every kind has two
values-value as knowledge, and value as
discipline. Besides its use for gu idance in
conduct, the acquisition of each order Of
facts has also its use as mental exercise
and its effects as a premature for complete
living have to be considered under bo h
these heads.
The redoubtable X, in payment for
cigar, pulled out little swab Of gummy,
greasy, filthy postage stamps. Cant
you give me hard money!" asked the c-
gar lady. "Well, madam" replied X,
II have seen very little harder looking
money than that!'
\ young con,cript fell sick and was
sent to the military hospital. y bath was
ordered. twas brought into the cham
per where the invalid lay; he looked at
it hard for some time, then he e,threw up
his hand, and bawled, II say doctor,
cant drink all that"'
"Can YOU tell me how the word Saloon
i spell?" was asked of Cookney by
Philadelphian. "Certainly," said the
Lonloncr with a look of triumph
there's hess, and hay, and a hell,
and two hoes, and hen"
GARRIcK, in order to cover his own
,t.nginess is said to have spoke Of his part
ner Lacy's love Of money; and Murphy
! asked: why on earth doesn't Garrick
take the beam out of his own eye before
attacking the mote in other peope's?'
He is not sure" replied Foot "of selling
the timber,
The more people do, the more they
can DO lie that does nothing renders
himself incapable of doing anything.
\ bankrupt was condoled with the 9TH
er day for his embarrassment ooh, I'm
not embarrassed at all, >" said he; ''it's my
creditors that are embarrassed" ="
The soldier who marched up undaunt-
ed defore the cannon's mouth, may
cover before the mouth Of scolding
woman.