Daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1865, 1862-10-21

denIs Frociamatlon has already produced
a wholesome effect in the degenerate South
While this was going on, the vigilant
MackeFeI guard descended privately from a
back window, and made forced march TO
where the Comic Section were watching
something which looked like man IN the
Southern horizon-instantiy made knowu
the audaciOus raid OF the thieVing Confed-
eracy, aud asking whether the new levies
under the Executives last call were likely
to arrive early enough TO take measures for
the prevention of the capture of Washing
ton. s
While the question was in debate, my
boy, the beloved General of the Mackerel
Brigade arrived with his Trunk aud um-
brella from Paris, aud having caused it to
be telegraphed to all the reliable morning
Journals that the Confederacy was now in
q fair Vay to be captured alive, he at once
took measures to cut off the retreat Of the
hitter. Captain William Brown, with Com
pauy 3, Regiment 5, was at once ordered to
construct pontoOn bridge across the river
some miles below, and watch it vigiIantiy
day and nighti Captain Bob Shorty and
Colonel Wobert Wobinson, with the Anat-
| omical Cavalry, were dispatched TO take
possession of railroad leading to Manas
sas I; while Captain Samyule Sa-mith, with
the balance of the Comic Section, was com
mauded to make detour of three buudred
miles and eudeavor to reach the invaded
house before mid.winter set in. -ai
All these movements were in accordance
with profound strategy, my boy, aud cut
off the Coufederacy from retreat by every
route in the world, except the Insignificant
Que he came by.
Satisfied that the war was going to end
in about sixty days, after which we should
have time to defeat combined Europe, the
Mackerel guard FASTENED back to the
domicil, which he reached just in time to
find the confederacy topping his go-cart
with some kindling-wood from the cellar.
1 regret to say, my boy-I blush for my
species as l make the incredible revelation
that upon receiving the information Of
his surrounding and probable strategic
capture by the vigilant MackereI Brigade,
the irreverent Confederacy burst into
hideous horse-laugh, and at once proceeded
to appropriate the poor Mackerel chaps
own shoes and stockings. With the deep
est horror / record, that he also tweaked
the MRckerel's nose. ot t
al did not intend this as n permanent
Invasion" says the impious Confederacy,
as he remouuted bis go.cart aud turned his
geometrical Arabian toward the water
Hgaiu 7" but have just married a daugh-
ter of South Carolina-one Of two twins
and reckoned that needed some things to
set up housekeeping. Farewell, foul Hes
sian," says the Confederacy, as he splash
ed through the water to the opposite bank
-"fare thee well. and tell your fendish ru-
Ter, that it is somewhat impossible TO con-
quer the sunny South" %
The Mackerel chap gazed thoughtfully
after the go-cart as it disappeared on the
other side of the balmy Awlkwyet stream,
and says he: "Rail on, my erriug brother;
but If you'd only stayed here one more
week, you might not have escaped thus for
seven whole days. Had the army been
insufficient to secure you," says the Mack
erel to himself, "had the army been insult ..
cient to secure you, why, there's the police y
Raids, my boy, are so intriusicaIly ir-
regular 10 their character, that no pro-
vision can be made for them in regular
army hence they are sometimes necessi
tated TO take provisions for themselves as
they go on. Yours, raidisntly.
ORPHEUs O. KERR