Civilian & telegraph. [volume] (Cumberland, Md.) 1859-1875, 1862-11-13

come President of the United States.
So much for the Devil l know the
.atimal.' I've been there myself.
THE JOUR PRINTER
Allow me to introduce the Jour
Printer Ofjack at all trades he il
chief He never finds an emergency to
which he is not equal.
He is in every desirable place. at the
same time. He is always at the fire.
som etimes bootless, and hatlsss, and
shirtlsss still he is there
He is in California, at Pixies Peak,
or in Utah. and has practical belief
in plurality of wives! He rejscts the
current proverb that there can be too
much Of u good thing-in this respect.
He is engaged alike in John Brown
insurrecticn aud Southern secession
movements.
Of course be has joined the Sons of
Malta--long ago. lie is one of the pi-
opeers. His admission WAS irregular.
Very much to the sorrow and discomfit-
ure of the order, he swindled the goat
out or his accustomed perquiste in the
bu1ing line-seizing the animal by the
.sil and reversing the engine And,
after'hs had seen the elephant, or. rath-
er, the gont he published his experiehcc
in the newspapers. illustrated with cuts
1t was very plain that he could ''ci"';
at least, he got along swimmingly.'
The Jour Printer travels. He is
not unfrequen.ly compelled to travel by
force of circumstances. His little brass
rule is an open sesame alike to steam =
boats and rail cars. He occupies the
choicest seats and puts his muddy boots,
or shoes, upon the velvet cushions.
He is always strapped more or less
l-gcucrally more. still he declares the
world owes him living, as surely as
lie owes his washerwoman an indefinite
sum which she will never get
lie is never out of Spirits-animal
spirits, mean for he is sometimes era
zy for want of the variety 'clept 'ar.
dent In some cases, his idea of Para
disc is, huge barrel of old Bourbon,
pierced for large sized straw, with his
mouth at the :nutzl'.
repeat he travels. At one point
in bis pcrcgrinaiions ho works at his
profession, it would be sacrilege to call
i. trade at another he is a quacked
drc:hr, with an adequate supply Of bread
bills ard molasses syrup.
At another point. fndlhg game to be
rlncked, he plays euchcrs = whatever
that is, for a little loose change'
The world is his country-hs basks
in the sunshine of every climate, The
bones Of his comrades whitcn alike the
plains OF Mexico. the hillsiles of the
Crimea, and the barren wastes of the
Arabian desert
This is hardiy fancy sketch.
'yE LOCAL
, Next come 'Ye Local He is au in
dispensable adjunct to every we'll con
Quoted newspaper. Everybody knows
him.
If my rural friend comes to town, he
sees him lie is standing on the street
corner, he meets him on the pavom en- is
possibly with bill for collection
'Ye Local is ubiquitous.
fla Ducthman drinks forty glasses o
i, lager at sitting, 'ye local sees it done
, and helps to do it, If a plug muss oc
ours at midnight. be is certain to be
present. and ten to one, he has blacl
eye for the next week. If a man ha!
bad luck to be murdered, the local il
principal witness and if there is an O.
lopemeu, Ii high life. you may bo sur.
! he is at the bottom Of it, for the sake oi
getting n good item.
He attends the first and last ball o.
the season. He never goes home till
, morning, and then he takes the girl,
with him. He is the chronicle of the
, occasion. and every other occasion.
He renders extraordinary service Ia
those who gets in his good graees how they
get there is nobody's business. He
makes an able and entertaining lecture
out an irregular grouping Of stale fat and
Improbable ideas; graceful danseues
ott of large limbed damsel who would
disgrace a Pete Williams hoedown;' and
q 'melodious bird voiced songstress' out
of a croaking. braying. old 'campaigu-
err He puts the bad English of the pub
lie speaker into proper shape, and So
cures for him fame and rehown which ho
would never enjoy through bis own NOR.
its.