The Burlington weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington [Iowa]) 1860-1876, 1862-11-15

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Frsn Tie Sunday Mass,y.
kDfses 7. THE late election in New
xork. my boy, has electrified everybody except
our Honest ABE, Who still CESS about smiling.
IKE long and smiable sexton, and continues q
save our distracted country after the manner Of
IN honest man.
On Tuesday night. high moral Dsuocrstic
chap, Of much watchseal, Who had lust received
. dispach all about the election, veat 20 Gee the
Honest Abe, for the express purpose Of tellin.
him that the Democratic party had been born
again, and was on the point of protesting axsiust
everything whatsoever, except the Constitution
OF our fore fathers He found the Honest Abe
cracking some walnuts before the Ere. nv boy.
and says he: -
Ine celebrated Democratic Organization. Of
wnicn am Assistant Engineer, has carried the
State OF New York in q manner impossible 20
express, and will now proceed to demand of You
vigorous prosecution Of that unnatural strife
IN which are involved our lives, our liberties and
the pursuit OF happiness. We admire to see
your harmless honesty, says the chap, blandly.
ANA We believe you to be fresh egg: tut We
protest against the arbitrary arrest Of men
which is patriots, only oonservstively Demo-
cratic and we insist upon q vigorous prosecu.
t'ol OF Constitutional hostilites against our mis-
guided brothers who are now Offering irregular
opposition TO the Government"
Tue Honest Abe cracked . walnut. and ssys
he: ~
"You say, neighbor, that the Democratic or.
ganization still insists upon . vigorous prose-
cution Of the warsn -
The Democratic chap sliced toothpick from
the arm Of the chair with his knife, and says
ne: That is the present platform on which
We are e Puri6us Unun"
wen" says the Honest Abe, II believe that
story"
"When was practicing law out in Illinois -
says the Honest Abe, twisting the how Of ii.
black neck.tie around from under his left ear
there vas an old cock, with two sons. living
near me in a tumble. down old shanty. He lived
there until half his roof blew of one windy
night, and then he concluded to move 20 new
house, where the chimney didn't take M all the
upper story. On the day when he moved, he'd
got most all his traps changed to the other resi-
dence, and had sent one of his sons to Gee that
they were al! got safely indoors, when suddenly
. shower commenced to come up. The old man
and his other offspring, who had stayed to hurry
him, were taking up carpet from the floor at
the time the first dose of thunder cracked, and
the offspring says he, "Harry up, old crazy
bones, or we'll be ketched in the freshet before
9oa get up this here rich fabric" The stern
parent Needed the admonitios, and went ripping
away the carpet around the edges of the room.
until he came near where the offspring was
standing, and there it stuck. He pulled, but it
wouldn't come, and he says, says he: "'Peers
to me that dod rotted tack must be tcnpenny
nail-it holds on So" "You see, the old screw
was very blind without his specs" says the Hon.
est Abe, buttoning bis vest askew, '.and he
couldn't see just where the tack was" Another
peal of thunder at this moment made the irasci.
BILE offspring still madden, and he says, says he ::
"You misabul old cripple, if you don't hurry up
we'll be ketched, tell your" As he made this
dutiful remark he went stamping to the window,
and at the same moment the cantankerous tack
came out, and the aged parent went over on his
back with the carpet up to his chin. He got up
and busted, and he says says he:
"Weil now, that Is curious-how student it
went" Then he proceeded to rip away again,
until he came near the window, and there it
stuck once more. The wild offspring saw him
tugging again, and it made him so wrathy that
he says, says he: why in thunder didn't you
take out the nails frat, you crooked old sinner,
you? It's enough to make me weep afresh for
the old woman, to see how you But he
didn't finish his observation; for, as he walked
toward where the hammer lay, the tack came
out, aud the old 'un went to bed again under the
carpet. Up sprang the sad parent, splitting
rags, and be ssys, says he: We'll, now, how
cu'rcus--to think it should come 50 suddentr-
Still on he went until the carpet was all up
from around the edges; but when he tried to
drag it away on HE shoulder, it Was fast some
where's yet. R-r-rum-bum- went
the thunder; and says the inluriated offspring,
says be: Well, never did see such blunder.
deriug old dad az you be. Well be ketched in
the rain as sure as grasshoppers; and all because
you didn't take my advice about the hammer in
the first place The poor old I'm tugged, and
pulled, and painted, and says he: Well, now,
that IS curious, swun to massey. There can't
be no tacks way out in the middle of the foor
here, can they? To make sure the old blind.
pate was going down on his knees to take .
q start, and be says, says be: why, pears to
me, Sammy, your stanei.x' On TIC ea.pss yoxrself,'
And 30 be was-so he was" says the Honest
Abe, smiling iuto the Are, land that was the
reason why the carpet had stuck fast in % many
places."
SNOW" says the Honest Abe, poking the
Democratic chap in the ribs With bis knuckles;
"if your organization wants me 70 move Wig.
on my carpet all the time. Otherwise, must
still keep lacking about" -.
The Democratic chap had been slowly rising
from bis chair as this email moral tale drew to.
ward its exciting conclusion, and at the last
word be fed the apartment with quivering watch
seal .ss --us-.-..-
Our President, my boy, has . tale for every
emergency, as rat trap has an emergency for
every tail. w. az- as Srt
ayIs was on the morning Of this same day, that
had pleasing conversation on the state Of
foreign relations with phlegmstic British chap
connected with the English Ministry, who il re
naming here for the purpose Of beholding an
archy in the North, which he has been requested
to Immediately communicate to one Of Great
Britain's morning journals. We were taking
Richmond together at Wlllard's, my boy, and
had just been speaking Of the English Southern
pirate ''AIsbama" in terms of neutrality, when
suddenly the phlegmstio chap drew roll Of silk
from one of his pockets, fastened it to bis cane,
unfurled il before my eyes, and says he: ,'''41
"By the way cir, 'ow do you like this ere no
riginal h'idea of minei Do you see what it isl"
Eyes, friend Bifstck," says !, Frenchily, "thas
A. L