Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1862-05-01
[From the Atlantic Monthly for Mayl
Speech of HOnble Preserved Doe in Secret
Caucus.


Jes lovin' the people is Canaan in view,
But it s Canaan paid quarterly Z hev 'em love you
1t IS bessn het S breakn out ollus in fresh spots
1t s a-foerin' Moses 'thout losin' the flesh pots.
But, Gentlemen, 'scuse me, amt sech n raw Gus
Ez to go uggin' clleikence into caucus
'rhet is, into one where the call comprehens
Nut the People in person but ony their lriens;
| IN so kin o used to convincin the masses
OF tn advantage o bein sef-govemin' asses,
| orgut thet we re all o. the sort that pull wires
An arrange for the public their wants an desires,
An thet wut we he'd met for wuz les' to agree
Wut the Peoples opinions in iutur should be.
But to come to the nub, we we ben all disappointed,
An our leadin dees are n kind o disiinted,-
Though fur ez the material man could discern,
Things ough to ha' took most an oppersite turn.
But The'ry is jes' like train on the rail,
Thet, weather or no, puts her thru without fail,
While Fac the ole stage thet gifts soughed in the rus,
An hez to allow for your darned efs an butts,
An so, nut ntendn' no pers nal reflections
They don't don't nut aus tibet islnake connections
Sometimes, when it really does seem tibet they d
oughter
Combine Jest ez kindly new rum an, water,
Both II be Jest ez sot in their ways ez bagnet,
Ez otherwise. minded ez tn eends of magnet
An folks like you N me- het aint ept to be told,
Git somehow or mother left out in the cold.
I expected fore this 'thout no gret Of row.
jeff d. would ha' ben where A. Lincoln is now,
With fancy to say t wuz all legle an fair,
An Jury o. Democrats ready to swear
Thet the ingin o State gut throwed into the ditch
BY the fault O. the North in misplacin' the switch.
Things wuz ripcnin fust-rate with Buchanan to nuss
'em;
But they People they would MT be Mexicans cuss EN- !
Amt the safeguards freedom upset, you may say,
Ef the right o'revuon is took clean away?
An does MT the right primy-fasby include
The bein' entitled to nut be subdued?
The fact is, we d gone for the Union so strong,
When Union meant South olus right an North wrong,
Thet the people gut fooled into thinkn' it might
I,,riti, 4ho ri
We might ha' ben now Jest prosperous ez France,
Where politikle enterprise hez fair chance,
An the people is heppy an proud ct this hour,
Long they hev the votes, to let Nep hev the powers
But folks they went an believed wut we ID told
An, the flag once nsued, no mortlc could hold 'em.
IT wuz pervokin' Jest when wuz cert'in to win,-
An l. for one, wunt trust the masses agin:
For people thet knows much amt fit to be free
In the scfcockin', back-acton style o. J D.
| can't believe now but wut half on It's lies;
For who ID thought the North wuz a-goin to rise,
Or take the pervokn'est kin Of a stump,
'Thout t wuz sunthin ez pressn' ez Gabrel's las
trump?
Or who d ha' supposed, arter sech swell an buster
Bout the ck-ary yten-on-ye fighters they d muster,
Raised b. hand on bri cd ghtnin, ez oplent z you
please
In primitive firrest o. femmy-trees,
Who ID ha thought thet them SOuthuners ever ud show
Starns with pedigrees to em like heirn to the foe,
Or, when the vamosn' come, ever to find
Natral masters in front an mean white folks behind
BY ginger, ef I'd ha' known half know now
When wuz to Congress, would MT, swow,
Hev let em cair so high-mnded an sarsy,
'Thout some show % wut Sou may call vicy-varsy.
70 Sc GqefGM GM Mi6rSSearm SSs1 toward. les lnen
We he'd to go sheers in pros, 'in the belance;
An they seemed to feel they wuz wastn their tel
lents
'Thout to kick, t warn't more n proper you
know
Each should furnish his part an they found the
An we wuz nit cherubs-wal, we found the buffer
For fear that the Compromise System should suffer-
wunt say the plan he'd MT unpleasant featurs,-
For men are perverse an onreasonn creaturs.
An forgt thet in his life t amt likely to heppen
Their own privt fancy should ollus be cappen-
But it worked Jest ez smooth ez the key of a safe
An the gret Union bearins played free from all chafe
They warnt hard to suit, eff they he'd their own way
An we (thet is some on us) made the thing pay:
IT a fair give-an'take out of Uncle Sans heap;
Ef they tux wut warn't thern, wut we give come ez
cheap;
The elect gut the offices down to tidewaiter
The people took sknnin' ez mild ez tater,
Seemed to choose who they wanted u footed the bills
An felt kind o. Y though they wuz havin their Wills
Which KEEP 'em ez harmless an cherfc ez crickets
While all we invested wuz names the tickets:
Wal ther S nothin' for folks fond O. bral consump-
tion,
Free o CHARGE like denocacy tempered with gump-
ton!
Now warnt thet a system wuth pains in presarvin'.
Where the peone found lnts an their friens done the
carvn',-
Where the many done all o. their thinkn' by proxy.
An were proud on t ez long t wuz chrstened De-
mOc'cy,-
Where the few let sap all o Freedoms foundations,
Ef you called it reiormin with prudence an patience
An willin' JeG's snake egg should hetch with
the rest,
IF YOU writ "Constitootional" over the nest?
But it s all out O kiter Ct too good to lastO
An tal' hxrt | y pprpppliu' tpn fact
IF he d on'y hung on for Il month or two more,
We d ha' gut things fixed nicer n they he'd ben before;
Afore he drawed Off an lef' all in confusion,
We wuz safely ntrenched in the ole CONSTRUCTION,
With an outlyin, heavy-gun, casemated fort
To rake all assaants,-l mean tn 5. j. Court.
Now never II acknowledge (nut eff you should skin
T wuz wise to abandon sech works to the n'my,
An let him fin out tibet wut scared him so long,
Our whole line of arguments, lOOkin' so strong,
All our Scriptur an law, every thery an fac,
wuz Quaker-guns daubed with Pro-slavery black.
Why, eff the Republicans ever should git
Andy johnson some one to lend 'em the wit
An the spunk ies to mount CONSTRUCTION an Court
With Columbiad guns, your real ekle-righs sort,
Or drill out the spike from the ole Declaration
Thet can kerry Il solid shot clean roun creation,
We ID better take maysures for shettin' up shop,
An put of our stock by vendoo or swop.
But they wunt never dare tn; You II see 'em in Edom
Fore they ventur to go where their doctrines ud lead
'em;
They we ben akin' our principles up we dropt em,
An thought it wuz terrible cute to adopt 'em;
But they'll fin out fore long thet there hope S ben
deceivn' 'em,
An het prncerpes amt o good eff you b'lieve in
'em;
It makes 'em tu stiff for party to use,
Where they ID ough to be eazy ole pair % shoes.
Ef zoe say N petform thet all men are brothers,
We don't mean thet some folks amt more n some
others
An It S wal understood thet we make a selection
An thet brotherhood kim o. subsidies arter lection
lhe lust thing for sound politicians to larn is,
Ihet TRUTH to dror kindly in all sorts o. harness,
Mus be KEEP in the abstract-for, come to apply it,
You re ept to hurt some foks's interests by It,
wal these ere Republicans (sOme on 'em) acs
~ though gineral maXms ud suit speshle hcs;
An there S whore we II nick EN-, there S where
They II be lost;
FOR appyin' your princerple q wut makes it cost,
An Ioiks don't want Fourth o. July t interfere
WIN the business consarns o. the lest o. the year,
No more n they want Sunday to pry an to peek
Into wut they are doin' the rest o. the week.
Agnoone statesman should be on his guard,
~ he must hev beliefs nut to b'lieve em too hard;
r0r' ez sure ez he does, he II be barn em out
ihout regnrdin' the natur' o. man more N a spout,
Nor II don't ask much gumpton to pick out iaw
In party whose leaders are loose in the Jaw:
An so IN our own case ventur' to hint
lhet we'd better nut air our perceedins in prnt
Nor pass resserlootions ez long or your arm
lhet may eZ things heppen TO turn do us harm,