The weekly pioneer and Democrat. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. Territory) 1855-1865, 1862-10-03
The Draft in BaldinsVille.
BY ARTEMAS WARD.

From Vanity Fair.
If I'm drafted | shall resign
Deeply grateful for the unexpected honor
thus conferred upon me, shall feel COM
peld to resign the position in favor of sum
more worthy person. Modesty is what ails
me. That's what kept me under.
meanter say, shall hav to resign if
I'm drafted everywheres I've bin inrold. I
must now, furrinsuns, be inrold in upards
of 200 different towns. If I'd kept on
travelin' should hav eventooally becum
a Brigade, in which case | should have held
a meetin' and elected myself Brigadeer-
glnral quite unanimiss. | hadn't no idea
there was so many of me before. But, Sc
risly, concluded to stop eXhibitin and
make tracks for Baldinsville.
My only daughter threw herself onto my
boosum, and said, cit is me father. |
thank the gods!"
She reads the Ledgcr.
"Tip us yer bunch of fives, old faker! ;"
said Artemas, jr. He reads the. Clipper.
My wife was to sOwin' circle. knew
she and the wimin folks was havin' pleas
ant time slanderin the females of the other
sowin circle (Which likewise met that after
noon, and was doubtless enjoying their
selves ekally well in slanderin' the fust-
named circle), an didn't send for her.
allus like to see people inioy themselves.
My son Orgustus was playin' on a foot.
Orgustus is a ethereal cuss The twins
was bildin cob houses in a corner of the
kitchen.
It'll cost some postage stamps to
raise this family, and yet it 'ud go hard
with the old man to lose any lamb of the
flock.
My tOwnsmen was sort O. demoralized.
There was evident design to ewade the
draft, as observed with sorrer, and pat
riotism was below Par-and 1Iu, too,
La jew desprit] [ hadn't no sooner sot down
on the piazzy of the tavoun than l saw
sixteen solitary hossmen, ridin' four
abreast, weedin' their way up the street.
"Whats them? Is it calvary?"
''That," said the landlord, ''is the stage.
Sixteen able-bOdied citizens has lately bot
the stage line tween here and Scootsburg.
That's them. They're stage-drivers. Stage
drivers is exempt"
saw that each stage-driver carried a
letter in his left hand.
''The mail is heavy, to-day" said the
landlord. ''Gin rally they don't have MORN
half dozen letters tween 'em. To-day
they've got one apiece: Bile my lights
and liver!"
"And the passengers?"
''There amt any, skacely nowadays. -
said the landlord, 'and what few there is,
very much prefer to walk, the roads is SO
rough"
''And how list with you?" Inquired of
the editor of the Bugle-Horn Of Liberty,
who sOt near me.
II can't CO." he said, shakin' his head in
a wise way. "Ordinarily l should delight
to wade in gore, but my bleedin' country
bids me stay at home. 1t is imperatively
necessary that remain here for the pur-
puss of announcin' from week to week that
oar Gor'mem is about to take rigorous
measures to pat dO,cn the rebellion"
strolled into the village oyster saloon,
where found DR.. Schwazey, leadin' ci-
tizen, in state of mind which showed that
he'd bin histin in more'n his share Of pizen.
''Hello, old Beeswax," he bellered;
elbows your grandmam s? When you
goin' to feed your stuffed animils?
"What's the matter with the eminent
physician? pleasantly inquired,
''This, he said, ''this is what's the mat
ter. I'm habitooal drunkard! I'm ex-
empt!"
''Jes' sO."
'Do you see them beans, old man and
he pinted to plate before him. ''Do you
see them p
''I do. They are very cheerful fruit
when used tempritly."
"Well," said he, 81 hain't eat any thing
since last week. eat beans now because
eat beans then. I never mix my vittles!"
''It's quite proper you should eat lit
tie suthin once in a while," said. "It
is good idee to occasionally instruct the