The Council Bluffs nonpareil. [volume] (Council Bluffs [Iowa]) 1857-1867, 1862-05-10

! 00yo10to0o - UuO 0oSVVy VI sO0 Oesssee1osCs
The subdued swearing Of the sa&srss % HE
bed, the numed tread Of the vcsssabIs
nurse, - che cones into the foon % maize
sure that the brandy rsoonnsoded ~ he
Doctor 10 not too mild for sAe patient the -
palchrsl howl OF The ree'neatal oss = che
recognizes the tread Of Lord Mortimer. the
sergesns's bsA terrier, oasssosj ~ these
are things % make the sDeoeator remember
that 10 are bus daas. and to return TO dast
i our destiny.
Early in she week, my boy, . noble nsn-
Der Of the P~eunsylvasis Mud.lsrks vas
made sick in . strange manner. A draft Of
picked men from certain regiments Wa or.
dered for = perilous expedition down the
river. Yoa may be aware. my boy, that .
dtaft 10 slwsys dapgefoes 70 delieat6 con.
ssitutions., and, - che Aud.hrk happeued
to burst into . profuss Precipitation about
the time be found himself standing 10 this
draft, he, Of course, took such : violent
cold that he had 70 be put TO bed directly.
| went to see him, my boy and while be
VA relating to me- some Affecting anecdotes
Of the tims when he used to keep . bar, .
member Of the Medical STAFF Of the United
States Of America, came to see the patient.
This vensrable eurgeon frst deposised .
large cav, . hstches and two pick.axes on
the table, and then, says be:
Chow do you find yourself, boy 2"
The Mud.lark took . small chew Of to-
bacco with . melancholy air, and, says he :
" think i've got the guitar iasmy head,
Mr.. Sswbones, and am about to join the
angel choir"
;" see how it is," says the surseou,
thoughtfully ; you think you've got the
guitar, when it 10 only the drum OF your
ear that 10 affected. WE'LL" says the sur
Reon, with sudden plessantness, a. be reach
cd over bic saw and one of the pick.axes,
I" | must ampusate your left leg at onee.''
The Mud. lark curled himself up 10 bed
like q wounded anaconda, and says he:
I" can't see il in that light"
SWELL" says the surgeon. in q sprightly
manner, :" then suppose l pot . 6v. blister
On your stomach, and only amputate your
right arm 10
The surgeon was formerly : blacksmith,
my boy, and got his diploma By inventing
some pills with iron 10 them. He proved
that the blood Of six healthy men con-
tanned iron enough to make six horse. shoes,
asd then invented the pills to cure hoarse-
ness.
The sick chap reflected on what bic med.
icsl adviser had said, and then, says he:
"Your words convince me that my sisua.
ton must be dangerous. must sec some
relative before l permit myssif to be dis
sected."
Whom would you wish me to send for9''
says the surgeon.
"My grandmother, my dear old grand.
mosher," says the Mud-lsrk, With much
feeling. Hlst3nv
The surgeon took me cautiously aside,
and says be.
"My poor patient has . cold in his head,
and his life depends, perhaps on the graf
ifcation Of bic wishes. Yoa have heard
him ask for his grandmother says the
surgeon, softly, "and - bis grandmother
lives too far away to be sent Tor, We must
practice . little harmless deception. We
must send for Secretary Welles, Of the
Navy Department, and introduce him as
the grandmother. My patient will. never
know the difference"
/ took the hint, my boy, and went af-
ter the Secretary; but the latter wat 90
busily engaged examining . model Of Noah's
Ark that be could not be seen. Happily,
however, the patient recovered while the
surgeon Was getting bis saw fled, and vas
well enough last night to re~connoisre in
force.
Tho Maekerel Brigade being still 10 quar-
tiers before Yorktown, l am at leisure to
stroll about the Southern Confederscy, my
boy /; aud ON Thursday | paid . visit to Cot
ton Seminary, just beyond Alexandria,
where the Southern intellect 10 taught to
fructify and expand. This celebrated in
stitutlon OF learning 10 all on q floor,
with = large chimney and . heavy mortgage
upon it, and . number of windows supplied
With ground glass-or, rather, supplied
with . certain openness - regards the
ground.
Upon entering this msjestic edi6ee, the
mastsr, Prsx Peytos, desee0ded IT once
from the barrel 90 which be Was seated, and
gave me . true Virginia welcome:
s.Thoogh you may be . L,neoln horde"
says he 10 . manor;al manner, ''the repub-
lilo OF intellect recognises you only - 81
man. The Southern mind knows how to
recognise . soul, apart from its outer orr
cumstances /; for what says the logicians !?
Dus est anima brutorem Take . seat
on yonder bsrrel, friend Hessisu, and you
shall hear the wisdom of youthful minds.-
Fret olass il computation, stand 81 !0
AZ I took . ssst, my boy. the first class
10 computation came to the front; and It
is my private impression, my boy-n ny pri-
vase impressiou-that each child's father
vas the owner Of . rag plantation ct some
period Of bic life.
.Boys," says the master, show 10 the ia
BE Of Confederate money divided ?"
.sIoto pounds, shiIlings and pence"
"Right. Now, Master Mason, repeat the
table,"
Master Mason, who was . germ Of first
family, took his fingers out Of his mouth,
and says he -
"T4snsy pounds Of Confederate bonds
make one shilling, twenty shilliDEs make
one penny, six pennies ooe drink"
"That's right, my pretty little cherub,"
says the master. snow 60 and take your
seats, and study your bowie knife exercise.
Glass in geography ssand mp"
The class in geography consisted OF one
small Southern Confsderacy, my boy, with
. taAts for tobacco. ~rrrFr
sMasser Wiss," says the master, con6.
IDENTIFY, ssean yoa tell me where Africa 10 p"
Master Wise snifs ints4igently, and says
be -
"Africs IL situated at the orner OF
Spruce and Nassau ~strests, and 10 bounded
on the north BY Greedy, On the soush By
slavery, on the east By Sumner, and On the
west By Lovejoy."
every true, ny bright little fellow says
Aha-SmA ~