The Burlington weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington [Iowa]) 1860-1876, 1862-05-31

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/ lLErrkn Saon ollPaEUs Q. KISS
4 12s Border STATE Conservatives cdps. p;lgians
| Brosns Admiaisfrdtion ii PwisH HIS Treat.
/ mms Of As 'C0ntra6and Qusstion. ! .s39s'
n sssii CORES sspsndenes N. z. esnday Mercury
The conservatives from the border States, my
boy, look upon the Southern States as broth.
er, whom Il is our duty to protect against the
accursed dspigns Of the Rendish abolitionis.s,
who would make this war one Of bloodshed. =
They ignore al party feeling, support the Con.
stisutien o. it was, in contrsdistinction TO Whist
it Is, and object 70 any conAecation measure
calculated 70 irritats our misguided brothers and
sisters in that bssutiful land where
The suitor he goes TO the planter 90 grand.
And Solve me your daughter, says he:
"For each unto other we've plighted our loves,
love her aud so she loves me, $,li i
|, g,is44s5E Says he; sy g5d 4
"And married we're wishing to be-" sai -
The planter WAS deeply affected indeed,
H 0uCO tOUCuIUR ou0CtIOu 10 oces
''The givineI couldn't shord; but III cell
Her for Xix hundred dollars to thee" -
eoaa Hiogsf5l Says he, a5iiW 15kit7T s5a8
s'Her mother was worth that to me. "a
Which quote from Q sweet ballad recently
found among some Rebel leave ings At York.
town. gl! 81 E3.5y sf3f b Etpf 90 -
These conservative patriots, my boy, remind
me of chap once knew in the Sixth Ward. A
high moral chap. my boy, and full Of venerable
dignity. One night the yirtuouss cuss doing
business the next door to him, having just got Q
big insurance on his stock, and thinking himself
safe for flaming speculation, set fire to his
own premises and then called 'tHurder" on the
next corner. Out came the whole Fire Depart
ment, only stopping to have two fghts and q
scrimmsge on the way, and pretty soon the wa
ter was pouring oil over every house in the
street except the one on fire. = The high moral
chap stuck his head out of the window, and
says he: "This here dre amt in my house, and
don't want no noise around this here resi-.
dence." Upon this, some of our gallant FIRE.
men, who had just been in a fashionable drink
ing shop, not more than two blocks of, to see il
any Of the sparks had got in there, called to the
chap to let them into bis house., 90 that they
might get at the confsgrat;on more easily
"Never" says the chap, shaking his nightcap
convulsively, II didn't set Ere to Joneses, and I
can't have no Fire Department running around
my entries" s3I
"see here, old blue pills. says one of the
iremen, pleasantly, 'if you don't let us in, your
own crib will 20 to blazes in ten minutes"
But the digni6ed chap only shut down the
window, and went to bed again. saying his pray
ers backwards. / would not accusea noble De-
partment Of violence, my boy, but in about three
minutes there was double back action machine
standing in that chaps front entry, with three
inch streams out Of all the back windows The
fire was put out with only half hose company
killed and wounded, and next day there was
meeting to see what should be done with the in
cendiary when he was caught. The high moral
chap was at the meeting very early, and says he:
"Let me sdvise moderation in this here un
the chap, with tears; ''for assisted to put out
the confagration by permitting the use of my
house by the 6remen. almost feel, says the
genial chap, "like fellow.freman myself
At this crisis. chap who was assistant engi
neer, and also Secretary to the Board of Edu-
cation, arose, and says he: aag3aF
"What are yer coughin' about, old peg.top?
Didn't me and the fellers have to cave in your
door with night key wrench-sa-a-ays What
are yer gassin' about, then? You did a much.
ness-you did! Yes-slightualy-in horn.-
Now" says the gallant fireman, with an agreea-
bic smile, ''if you don't jest coil in yer hose,
duty, as Z member of the department, to bust
yer eye" q
commend this chaste and rhetorical remark,
my boy, to the attention of Border.State Con-
swervatives. 't'
Since the occupation Of Paris by the Macker::
el Brigade, affairs there have been admins
tered with great intellectual ability by Captain
William Brown, who has been appointed Pro-
visional Governor, to govern the sale of proyi-
sions. a'."'
The city of Paris. my boy. as told you late
ly, is laid out in house at present; and since
the discovery, that hat were ct first supposed
to be Dahgren guns by our forces were really
number of old hats with their rims cut of, laid
in row on the top Of the earthworks, the de-
mocracy have stopped talking about the general
of the Mackerel Brigade for next President.
The Que house, however, was q boarding.
house; and though oil the boarders left at the
approach of our troops it was subsequently dis
covered that all of them, save one, were good
Union men, and we're brutally forced to 6y by
that one Confederate miscreant. Haf
When William heard of the fate of these noble
and oppressed patriots, my boy, he suffered Q
tear to drop into the tumbler he had just poured,
and says he: a-t5 s3iH
.'Just Hevings! can this be sos Abr" says
William, lifting bottle near by, to see that no
rebel was concealed under it, II will issue pro-
clamation calculated to concliate the noble
Union men of the Sunny South. and bring
them back to those protecting folds which our
inedycated forefathers folded theirselves"
Nobody believed it could be done, my boy
nobody believed it could be done; but William
understood his species, and issued the following
PROCLAMATION.
The Union men of the South are hereby in.
formed that the United States of. America has
reasserted hisseif, and will shortly open bar
room in Paris. Also, cigars and other necessa-
ries Of life. By order of -. *.
CAPTAIN vlIL1Ax BRows, Eskevire.
.Therel" says William, "the human intelleck
may do what violence may fail to accomplish. Abr
says William, .'moral suasion is more majessick
than any army with banners"
In just half an hour after the above proclama.
tion was Issued, my boy, the hum of countless
approaching voices called US to the ramparts
A vast multitude was approaching. It was the
Union men Of the South, my boy, who had read
the manifesto of q benifcent Government, and
we're coming back TO take the oath-with
| trife of sugar in it.
How necessary itis my boy. that men intrust.
| ed with important commands-GeDeras aud
Governors responsible for. the pacifcation and
welfare Of misguided provnces-shoud under.
stand just how and when to touch that sensitive
chord to our common nature which vibrates re-
|
| thing by his fellow man. ~ a
Scarcely had William assumed his Office and
suppressed two reporters, when there were bro't
before him fugitive contrsband of the color
Of old meerschaum, and planter from the ad-
jacent county who claimed the slave. "a
"It's me-that's Misther Aurpby-would be
afther axing your riverence TO return the black
crsyture at once" says the planter: .for its me-
self that owns him, and be runn'd away right
under me nose and eyes as soon IS me back Was
turned" 3fT asgsd "a
"Ahp says William, balancing tumbler in
bis right hand "Are you Southerner, Nr.
Murphy Es#aaB s3i 81 ,sJ
"Yay sir" says Mr., Murphy, ''it's that am.
intirely. Be the same token, | was raised and
born In the sbwate Souts-the South Of ireland" !"
"Are you Chivalry :" says William, thought
fully" @
SIS it Chivalry i-ah, but it's that I am, and
me father befoor me, and me childers that's
afther me. If Chivalry was praties could fur.