Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-08-14
A FoRAgING PARTY IN VIRGINIA.
KENTUCKY CONSERVATISM.


of conservatism:
Upon quitting the Strawberry festi
val 1 returned post haste again to Pari
where I arrived Just in time to star
with Capt. Bob Shortly and company
from the Comic Section of the Mackere
Brigade on a foraging expedition
We went to look up a few straw bed;
Tor the feeding of the Anatomical Cav
airy horses, my boy, and the conserva'
Give Kentucky chap went along to see
that we did not violate the Constitution
nor the rights OF man.
ats my opinion conrad" says
Capt. Bob Shortly, as we started out,
<'it's my opinion, my Union ranger,
that this here unnatural war is getting
worked down to a very fine point,
when we can't 90 out for an armful of
forage without taking the Constitution
along on an ass" 81 think" says Capt.
Bob Shortly, "that the Constitution is
as much out Of place here as a set of
fancy harness would be in drove Of
wild buffaloes."
Can such be the case my boy-can
such be the case? Then did our reyo-
lutionary forefathers live in vain.
Having moved along in gorgeous
cavalcade until about noon, we stopped
at the house of First Family Of Vir-
ginia who was just going to dinner
Capt. Bob Shortly ordered the Mack
erels to stack arms and draw canteens
in the front door yard, and then enter
ed the domicil and saluted the domes-
tic mess meeting in the dining room.
"We come, sir" says Bob, address
ing the venerable and high-minded
chivalry, at the head of the table, "to
ask you if you have any old straw beds
that you don't want, that could be used
for the cavalry of the United States of
America"
The chivalry only paused long
enough to throw couple of pie plates
at us, and then says he:
care you accursed abolitionists?"
The conservative Kentucky chap step
ped hastily forward, and says he:
''No my dear sir, we are the conser-
vative element"
The chivalry's vepsrahlR wife, who
was female Sol pfederacy,t
leaned back littl h, so that
her little son could u srow tea
cup at me and says she:'
- ''You amt Tribune reporters, be
you?"
We are all nose and no eyes. Quite
feature in social intercourse my boy.
The aged chivalry caused three fresh
chairs TO be placed at the table, and
having failed to discharge the fowling
piece which he had pointed at Capt.
Bob Shortly, by reason of dampness in
the cap he waved us TO seats, and says
he:
"Sit down, poor hirelings of gor-
rilly despot. and learn what it is to
taste the hospitality of southern
gentleman. You are Lincoln hordes,"
says the cbivalry, shaking his white
locks, "and have come 10 butcher the
Southern Confederacy; but the South
ern gentleman knows how to be court
eous, even to vandal foe."
Here the chivalry switched out a
cane which be had concealed behind
him, and made at Captain Bob Short
ly.
"See here" says Bob Indignantly,
"I'll be"
"HushT" says the conservative Ken
tucky chap, agitatedly, "don't irritate
the old patriarch, or the future AMIGA
bic reconstruction of the Union will be
out Of the question. He is naturally
little provoked just now," says the
Kentucky chap, soothingly, "but we
must show him that we are his friends"
We all sat down in peace at the hos
pitable board, my boy, only a few
sweet potatoes and corn-cobs being
thrown by the children, and found the
fare to be in keeping with the situation
of our distracted country-I may say
warfare.
''In consequence OF the blockade of
the Washington Ape;" says the chival-
ry, pleasantly, eve only have one
course, you see; but even these last
years sweet potatoes must be luxuri-
ous to mercenary mudsills accustomed
to husks."
l bad just reached out my plate, to
be helped, my boy, when there came
great noise from the Mackerels in the
front door yard.
"What's that?" says Captain Bob
Shortly.
80, nothing" says the female Con.
federacy, taking another bite of hoe
cake, "I've only told one of the SER
wants to throw some hot water on your
reptile hirelings."
As Capt. Bob Shortly turned to
thank her for her explanation, and
while his plate was extended to be help
&c, the aged chivalry fred pistol at
him across the table, the ball Just graz
ing his head and entering the wall be-
hind him.
"By all that's bluer' says Capt. Bob
Shortly, excitedly, snow III be-"
"Be calm, now, be calm," SAYS the
conservative Kentucky chap, hastily.
-''don't 1 tell you that it's only natural
for the good old soul to be little pro.
voked? II you go to agitate him, we
can never live together as brethren
again" su
Matters being thus rendered pleas.
ant, my boy, we quickly finished the
sinple meal. and as Gant Poh Ehortlv