The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1862-03-20
THE PACIFIC
Commercial Advertiser.
Prize

er as many people ~ the fremont Temple could
contain; and Of course. there were some hundreds
OF them who had anxious hearts pending the
test OF the pungency and efficacy OF their wit.
The committee of adjudication took their places
on the platform, after the major performance
were over. and ONE five hundred cUnundrum=
were read, many Of which were received with
applause Jolly good humor prevailed through
out, although the process of reading was q pro-
tracted one. Ii lasted until ~ o'clock, when
the judges, among whom was : The AutDcrat of
the Breakfast Table, (" retired TO consult on their
solemn verdict on the funniest Of all possible
cases. We select q few samples Of the cOnun-
drums to show on what sort Of evidence they
founded the verdict, which OF course, as is the
case with all judicial decisions involving great
public interests, was subject 10 the criticism Of
conflicting opinions -
BIZ LADIES.
Why is the Professors mother e remarkable
woman? Because she's herself and her son Can
derson.)
Why should the lady recipien. of the profered
prize be Competent to solve all the mysteries of
the evenings entertainment? Because she will
keep a good watch, and possess the key TO all its
movements.
Why are the gentlemen who tied up VI. III.
Anderson, DR., this evening, like the Confederate
Government? Because their bonds have no secur-
ity.u.
What is the difference between those two favor
ties OF the people, Gen. Anderson and Prof. An
dersour While the General watches our enemies,
the Professor watches our friends.
Why will the conundrums, that are sent into
fremont Temple, be like the notes in q piece of
music? Because some will be sharp and some
nat, and they must all be beaten, in order to get
the time, which Is the guiding motion of the
whole, 30 the Professor says.
Why Is Mrs. Lincoln like Lazarus? Because
she repores on Abrahan's bosom9
why - Prof. Anderson like Charles Dickens ?
Because he is the author Of =. Grpat Expec-
tations."
Why are our fashionable ladies' like a certain
class OF the city employees? Because they NAV
be seen by scores on n fair day sweeping the
streets.
Why is W. II. Russell, L l.. D., like an eight
day clock regulated on the seventh day? Be-
cause, having been pretty well Z" run down.
Secretary Seward has very recently '. wound him
up,.-rumor says, " set him gcing"
why are the conundrums tonight like Ste
phens' guns on the 18th of April? Because they
are aimed ut Anderson's watch.
Why are the audience guessing this conundrum
like the leaders of the Soutf ern Confeleracy?
Because they will have to give it up.
Why Is Gen. Mcclellan like a person who has
just captured a small insect which mas disturbed
his resty Because he sees the wicked fla before
him.
Why will the watches, when awarded, be like
n happy couple IN marriage? Because they are
two : yet are they won
What is the resemblance between Prof. Ander-
son and the fountain on the frog-pond? IL is
that the performances of both are something on
common.
By GENTLEMEN.
Why would our Government be SERIOUSLY en-
oarrassed IL our worthy Ex-Governor should resign
the commission he now holds in the army? Be
cause they want prompt action on the part of
Banks.
Why have the inhabitants of the CITY of Boston
less need eft foreign Bards than those of any other
city! Because they can always find poetry in
their own " Holmes"
Why is Prof. Anderson in this grand conun-
drum contest like n sailor ut sea on n stormy
night? Because he is more likely to be two
watches out than to be one watch in.
why will Americans have more cause to re-
pember the letter 5 than any other letter in the
Because it is the beginning of seces-
sion and the end of JEFF. Davis.
Why Is the writer of this conundrum like n
hungry wolf? Because the one watches for the
prey, while the other prays for the watch.
Why should the members of the Irish Brigade
De the best boys in the army? Because Irish
soldiers are noted for loving Meagher (mar), but
for bravery above par.
Why has Massachusetts done more toward the
loan than any other state? Because she has sent
her Banks.
Why is Prof. Anderson like David Of old?
Because ne beats all (beat Saul)
Why Is w. IL Russell, LID, like low prices?
cttu uc CDTItspOnuS With the lines.
Why is Professor Anderson like the n.ost honor
able man OF the present age? Because he has no
trick that any ole can discover.
Why can hotel boarders dine of the gong?
Because il is a |" rousing dinner"
Why can't a whole man enter the fremont
Temple To see Prof. Anderson this evening? Be-
cause the Treasurer takes q quarter of him before
he gets in.
Why is the rebels proposition for incl, sam
to " let 'em Alone" like q Niger in a cOal-hOle
after n Brattle street boot? Because he
don't see il in that light
Why is an owl in the daylight like the Presi-
dent of the United States? Because he is a-blink-
(Abe Lincoln.)
Why was the mother of Moses, of Bible history,
unlike DR.. Russell OF the London Times? Because
she made a run for the bulrush, and he made 4
rush from che Bull Run.
their necks are stretched there will be u general
Thanksgiving.
WHY Is it obvious that these watches are not
new ones? Because second hand is on tue very
face of them.
WHY Is Henry Ward Beecher worse than Brig
ham Young Because he has married more
women than he can support. and would like to
marry more.
Why can't Gen. Beauregard have soup "a we'll
as Mcclellan? Because he can't get the pot %
Why Is Prof. Anderson's prize Chronometer
like an Indian fle2 Beczas it II won by one
AWARDS.
The watches were assigned to the authors Of
the following cUnundrums -
Ladies' Prize, Gold Watch Why j. IL i'm
FOR the Government to grant the request
Of our Southern brethren? Because children in
irms are never let alone
Gentiemen's Prize, a Gold Watch Why is
= water lily like u whale? Because it comes to
the surface to blow.
After repeated calls for the authors Of the
above, no one appeared to claim the prizes, which,
BY the terms of the advertisement Of the compe-
tition, vera handed to the Mayor of Boston, 10
be disposed OF for charitable purposes.
FRENCH HOTEL,