Daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1865, 1862-08-08

.'-far-' 80 $50 - ~ w sA@t W Au ~
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Marriage, NoIiessof Funerals, and announcement,
Of sermons, 50 cent. each. nouylI-'s9
An Excellent and Pungsnt Letter
from Orpheua G. Kerr-A Very
EeAthIng RebuIEe Administered in
jest.
Some enthusiasm was excited here in
/ the early part OF the week, ms boy, by the
| return Of The Venerable Cannon from
visit to hisnged family at Mugyile. width.
er he goes regularly once month ,or the
benefit Of the mgacious chaps OF the press.
! A great blessing is the Venerable Cannon
to the palladium Of cur Liberties, my boy ;
| for no sooner does our army cease 10
change ia base OF operations, aud do other
things calculated TO make the war inter.
esting and lengthy, than he pulls out his
rutlies sighs frequently, and melts away to
Nugyile. Then all the sagaeious press
chaps rush to the Telegraph office and fash
leyerish paragraphs to the intelligent mora
ing journals Highly mpormnt-Sudden
/ departure Of the Venerable Cannon for
MugylIe to attend the dentbbed Of Il rela-
( ltvc-Believed in military circles TINT this
indicates a change in the Cabinet-Border
States delegation has again waited on the
/ President-MOre vigorous policy needed"
Wheregpon the editors Of all the intelli-
gent morning journals eesiatically print
the paragraphs, atIiIing 10 them "Nots Jy
/ he Edi1r-Washington is town in the
so.called District OF Columbia-situated
on the Potomac We infer from our cor.
respondents dispatch that it has not yet
been taken by the rebels"
American journalism, my hoy, in pre-
seating vast amount Of matter daily, is
eminently calculated 10 impress the youth.
tul brain with keen sense Of what II wide
distraction there is between Mind and
Matter
Immediately on the return OF the yener-
able Cannon be commenced saying things,
which made all the rest OF mankind seem
like withered children in comparison with
him. He was beaming genially on the
thrOng at Wizards, and says to him:
"Itwould appear, my beloved Pdter Ia.
tria, that military matters are not quite us
interesting as woman with headache
just now"
The Venerable Cannon pitied my youth
and waved his hand fatty by way Of a ST.
lent blessing to all the world, military
affair" says be, effulgentIy, "are like met
nphysiCs. Military affairs, says the Ven
cradle Cannon, beniguantly, "are like
that which We do not iunierstand-ihey dc.
iy our comprehension and comprehend our
defiance
Then all the Congressman looked at each
other, as much as to say the Union was
saved at last; aud felt like a babe in the
presence oil the great Behemolh of the
Scriptures.
How the Venerable Cannon has any
thing at alto do with this war, can't find
out, my boy but when the afTectiouate
populace learned that the Venerable Gam
mon had returned from MugvilIc, they
swarmed arOuRd his carriage, aud entreat.
ed him either to spit upon them or save
them from slow decay by speech. 1t was
then the Venerable man raised his hand in
soothing beuedictiou, and says he:
"Ay friends, you are young yet, and
have much TO learn yet concerning war.-
| can only say TO you, my friends, that all
goes well with Mcclellan and if you will
only hasten TO fll up old regiments, raise
few thousand new ones, and 60 yourselves,
the,advauce on Richmond may commence at
any time"
The most enthusiastic cheering followed
this comforting speech Of the venerable
Cannon, and six ecstatic chaps immedi.
ateIy offered TO volunteer as Major Gener.
ais.
Shall we presume to talk Of drafting,
my boy, when there is such readiness on
the part of the people to lead the troops
think not my boy. think not Let the
draft be protested,
On Wednesday l again tcOk n trip to
Paris, accompanied by my frescoed dog,
Bologna, and found upon reaching the city
that the Maskerel brigade had built itself
theatre, after the manner OF Drury Lane,
and was about TO par,ake OF the rich in.
tellectual drama. This chaste temple
might possibly be taken for cowshed,
by those who are not conversant with arch.
itecture in one story. 1t occupies spot
which has been rising ground ever since
the Mackerels commenced to dig trenches
around it, aud the front door is so spa
cious that you have TO go all around the
building to fad where it stops openiug.-
The seats are similar 10 those which are
supposed 10 have been so popular with
Count de Grasse, and the stage is exquis-
itelY extemporised from several four.bar.
rels, with curtain created from two a4u.
mel petticOats recently belonging TO the
wife Of the Southern Confederacy.
Passing over all Intervening events, my
boy, let me direct your special attention 10
the night we celebrated, when found my.
self occupying a box previously used for
crackers) in the temple of the Muses., sur
rounded BY uniforms and daZZled BY the
glitter Of the shoYels worn by the military
celebrities present. In box (marked
"Sperm CandIes-Flrst qualityn on my
right, noticed number Of distinguished
persons whom did not know, and to the
left were grouped several celebrated visit.
ors with whom was not acquainted. The
stage itself realized numerous brilliant
footlights in the way Of bottles containing
gorgeous tallow-dips; and when the or.
ehestra brought oat his key.bugle and
struck up the martial strain OF ~ want 10
be an Angel" there rds dry eye in the
house.
Make note Of this last unparalleled
fact, my boy for you, nor any other NOR.
tai man, ever heard Of its occurrence be.
fore
] The curtain having been taken down by