Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1862-09-25

Mr. Newell, whom it is no breach Of faith
to name as the writer Of the Urpheus &.
Kerr Papers" has struck an original vein of
hum0r, and works it with decided effect The
war has given birth to no more amusing
book than this.
Under date of Washington, April, 1861,
Or.heus" gives his opinion of the Rebels iu
| this
" COMPREHENSIVE ESTIMATE"
The chiYaIrous South, ny hey, has taken
| Fort Sumter and 0LIy wants 10 he "let alone"
! Some things of ii Southern sort like, my boy .;
| Southdown mutton is fit for the gods aud
Soulhside particular is liqnid sunshine for the
| heart but the whole country is growing
tired of new South walls before This, and my
present compreht nsive estimate of all there is
Of D.xe may be summed up in twelve straight
lines, under the general heading of
RGruDIAuox
Meath a ragged palmetto southernor sat,
\ twisting Tie .,tnI OF his Panama hat,
And trying to tighten his mind OF load,
BY hamming the words OF the following oGe:
oh for niger, and oh for whip
Oh Tor a cocktail, and oh for nip
Oh tor Il shot at Grccly and Beecher
Oh for crack at a Yankee school teacher.
Oh for captain and oh for ship,
Oh! fora cargo OF niggers each trip.
Ana so he Kept 0n-llE iGr all tldt ne Bdd not,
Not contented with owing for all that he'd got
These " twelve straight lines" are worthy
of Hood
Here is fair lit at the way in which the
recruiting service was conducted in the early
stages Of the war -
RECRUITING.
The Calcium Light regiment was recruited
| ct great expense in New York, aud went into
camp on Rker's Island, until Secretary Cam
eron ordered bis colonel to bring him on im-
mediately for the defence of Washingt on
| The regiment has three officers, and will elect
the other as soon as his voice is strong enough.
He says that he is regiment of 900 men
he says that | 900 is simply the figure and
three cipherS, aud that he represents the | ,
and his three officers the three ciphers.
| believe him. my boy .
William Brown, of Regiment 5, Mackerel
Brigade, asked his colonel last week for leave
to 90 to New-Iork on recruiting service, and
got it. lie came back to-day, and says the
colonel to him
Where's your recruits Z"
William smiled sweetIy, and remarked that
he diGn't see it.
"Why, you went to New York on recruit
ing service, didn t you p exclaimed the colo,
mel.
Yes" says William, l went to recruit
my health"
The colonel Immediately administered the
oath to him The oath, my boy, tastes well
with lemon in it.
DEFIANCE 70 GREAT BRITAIN.
The General of the Mackerel Brigade is no
friend to England. He is reported to have
made this strong speech -
We have borne with Great Britain
great while, My boy but it is now time for
US take Canada, and wipe every yestige of
British tyranny from the face of the globe
| The American eagle, my boy, flaps his dark
wings over the red head of battle, and as his
scarlet eyes rest for a moment on the English
custom house, he softly whsperS--he simply
remarked-he merely ejaculates-Gore T!
Americans fellow-citizens foreigners
and people of Boston shall we longer allow
the bloated British aristocracy to blith US
with base abolition procllvlties, while Mr.
Seward is capable of holding pen?
Hail, blood and thunder welcome, gentle Gore,
Let the loud hewgag shatter every shore
High to the zenith let our eagle fly
Ten thousand battles blazing in his eye?
Nail our proud standard to the Northern Pole,
Plant patentearthquakes in each oreign hole !
| Shout havoc. murder, victory and spois,
| Till all creation crouches in our tolls
Thou, when the world to our behest is bent,
And takes the Herald for its punishment,
| Wen pin our banner to a coTmets TAIL
And shake the heavens with big I" ALL HAIL u
That's the spirit.of America, my boy ta-
ken with a nutmeg on top and hollow straw.
| Very good for invallids."
The following are amusing bits -
A MODEL PROCLAMATION.
| Finding himself master of the situation,
Captain William Brown called the solitary
chivalry to him aud issued the following proc
| lamation -
Citizens of Accomac come among you
not as ineendiary and assassin; but TO heal
wounds aud be your long lost father Several
of the happiest months of my life were not
spent in Accomac, and your affecting hosl ital.
ity will make me more than jealously. .watchful
of liberties and the pursuit of happiness. (See
the constitution