The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-08-27
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A HEART unspotted is not easily
daunted.

WHAT Is the color OF grass with snow
on i'll Invisible green.
The cheapest of keeping
ones own counsel.
WHAT is society after all but mixture
OF mister-ies and miss-eriesl
BIRDS are a poor mans music; and
flowers the poor mans poetry.
A DUTcHMAN thinks "honesty is the
best policy, but il keeps man tam poor"
The heart loves repose, and the soul
contemplation, but the mind needs action.
WHEN will Floyd understand his true
position? When he gets the hang of it,.
"Now is the time to get up clubs" rs
the boy said when the journalists dog
chased him.
TO ascertain whether bull is mad
twist his tail or punch his sides with a
pitchfork.
GENERALLY speaking, the beggars most
ashamed of begging are those who have
TO beg pardon.
FIVE hundred dollars reward is offered
for newspaper correspondent who cor
responds with tho truth.
The difference between perseverance
and obstinacy first is a strong will;
the second, a strong wont.
PRENTICE says the rebel women are
not half so ready TO run away from the
fine looking Yankee soldiers as the men
are.
WASHINGTON once said to his soldiers,
Boys, when the enemy lay down their
arms, don't hurrah; postcrity will hurrah
for you"
A RAsoALLY old bachelor asks, "What
is the most difficult operation a surgeon
can performl To take the jaw out of a
woman"
WHOM did Robinson Crusoe meet on
being cast on the desert island? A great
swell on the shore, and little cove run
ming inland.
AN old maid who was over-nce in re-
gard to cleanliness about her house, once
scrubbed her sittingroom floor until she
fell into the cellar.
A MERCHANT, not very familiar with
geography, on hearing that one of his vos-
sells was in jeopardy, exclaimed, "Jeop-
ardy! Why, where is that?'
A DANDY observed that be had put
plate of brass upon his boots to keep him
upright. "Vell balanced, by Jing" said
a Dutchman, "prass at both ends"
"ANY ting pite you dareY" inquired
one Dutchman of another, engaged in
angling. I" No, noting at ALL" "Vell,"
returned the other, noting pite me too"
A GENTLEMAN having been lately call
cd on to subscribe for course of lectures,
declined, "because," said he, "my wife
gives me a lecture every night for moth
ing"
A PRINTER out West, whose Office is
half mile from any other building, and
who hangs his sign on the limb Of tree,
advertises for an apprentice. He says,
" A boy from the country preferredP
"THERE are people," says Mrs. Part
ineton, who can bathe with impurity
in water as cold rs Greenland's icy
mountains, or India's coral strands; but
as for me, | prefer to bathe in water that's
leetle torpid"
A FRIEND of ours said he would al
ways have remained single, but he could
not afford it. What it cost him for "gals
and ice-cream," was moro than he nows
pays TO bring up wife and eight chill
dren. Bachelors should think of this.
A YOUNG lad recently ran away from
home and went to tavern, where he was
found by a friend with cigar in his
mouth. "What made you leave homer
said the friend. 90" said he, father
and mother were so saucy that ! couldn't
stand it-so i quit EN-"
ONE Of the Richmond papers gives sol
emn warning that the people of that city,
before they will surrender to the Federal
forces, "will demolish it and SOW its site
with salt" With salt at eighteen dollars
per sack, We fear the expense will be found
to heavy for the Confederate treasury.
AN old negro, returning one night from
a dancing frolic, when crossing the river,
lost both oars, and came near being
swamped. Determined to do what he
had never done before, dropped on his
knees, and exclaimed, 90 massa Lord, if
eber gwine to help old Ira, now is the
TIM! Z"
AN old topper, who lately attended an
exhibition where learned professor caus-
ed several explosions to take place from
gases produced from water said, You
don't catch me putting much water in my
liquor after this. l had no idea before
that water was so dangerous, though /
never liked TO take much Of it,"