Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-03-08
Fact, Fancy and Fun.


Good is always seed whose BIOS
som is beauty.
why is good cook like a woman
of fashion n? Because she dresses we'll.
Why is man pitching hay like a
good paymaster? Because he forks
over.
Why is an old maid like black.
smiths apron? Because she turns off
sparks.
What is the connecting link be-
tween Seeessionisn and Ruin? Da.
Uis Straits.
Happiness grows at our fresides,
and is not to be picked in the strang-
er's gardens.
-" Father" said little boy at a
theater, saint that band box where
the musicians are ?''
The mind is like a trunk. IF well
packed it holds almost everything; if
ill-packed next to nothing.
"A wit once asked peasant what
part he performed in the great drama
of life: 81 mind my own business"
was the reply.
"A Yankee, on going with friend
to dine with an acqu aintance, in order
to save time, said, "Scrape for me,
while l knock for both of U.S."
Young Giles, who is just beginning
to learn French, wants to know how it
is, if they have no 20 in that language,
that "them chaps spell wagon"
AT an infant school examination.
few days ago, the examiner asked,
"What fish eat the little ones 9'' "The
big 'u,as," shouted little urchin.
-"Wlll you take some grapes, Mon
sieur?" asked gentleman of q French
man. "No, sare," be replied, "I don't
swallow my wine in re shape of pills."
-''I'm afraid, sir, you are in q set
tied melancholy"
"No, madam, my melancholy won't
settle it has got too much grounds"
"A shopkeeper, in recommending
a piece of goods to lady, remarked,
"Madam, it will wear forever, and
make you a first-rate petticoat after
ward"
The Richmond Enquirer says the
Southern people can raise any article
of Yankee industry. Some witty wag
coolly asks, "Why don't they raise the
blockade %
Swift proposed to put tax on fe-
male beauty, and to leave every lady
to rate her own charms. He said the
tax would be cheerfully paid, and DO
very productive.
-" Now, Children, who loves all
men ?" asked school-inspector. The
question was hardly put before a little
girl, not four years old, answ cred
quickly, Cali women"
"A Detroit paper mentions the ar
rest OF woman in that city. 'swith
nothing on her person but love letter
and an ambrotype." Rather poeti-
cal and picturesque costume.
-"Stop sir! I must shoot you. l
made vow that if ever I met man
uglier than myself I would shoot him."
S'Blaze away, stranger IF l am ug-
lier than you l don't want to live"
1t is said that printed declarations
with blank forms are to be used by
young ladies who have lovers too mod
est to propose. The ladies' themselves
fill ont the blanks-and,'o of course, no
sensible man can refuse signing them.
"A Dublin journal observes that a
hand-bill announcing a political meet
ing IN that city, states, with b6unaiess
liberality, that "the ladies, without dis
tiaction Of sex, are invited to attend"
The New Bedford Mercury makes
the following conundrum': "Why are
the Home Guards like the la,nenteds
Colonel Baker? Because the LIST
thing be did was to die for his country,
and that is the very last thug they I'M.
tend to do"
Deeply were we affected on read
ing, the other day, of a young lady,
who, being told that her lover was sud-
denly killed, exclaimed, 90! that
splendid gold watch Of his--giye me
that-give me something to remember
him byp'. Touching simplicity!