The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1862-05-23
8 a | III q q unoi.

eSTRANsPoRTED FOR L1FE-The man who
marries happily.
s5-At what time of the day was Adam Gre
ated "A little before Eve.
rg-An Irish paper advertises, ssWanted, An
able-bodied man rs washer-woman."
esrWhy couldn't Job sleep at night?-Be-
cause he had such miserable comforters.
srAbolitionism should be abolished and Sc
cessionism seeded from.
eg-Men look at the faults of others with
telescope-at their own with the same instru.
ment reversed, Or not at all.
eSThe higher you rise, the wider is your
horizon; so the more you know, the more you
will see to be known.
ez-It is a singular fact that theman who pays
the printer regularly never gets the night-mare.
es-When Floyd is hung, he will be, like all
the statements he makes, without the least foun-
dation.
eSr''Can't we make your lover jealous, miss7"
s'Oh, yes, sir, think we can, if we put our
heads together"
ezTShe that marries man because he is a
''good MATCH" must not be surprised if he turns
out ''Lucifer''
ezrFlour is remarkably cheap in New Or
leans. 1t sells for % dollars in Southern cur
rency-cqual to twenty-five cents.
eSThere is one thing, and perhaps but one,
in which the Federal Congress might well imi-
tate the Rebel Congress-adjournment.
erTruth is like cork, you may keep it down
while you put pressure upon it, but it is sure
to come up to the surface at last.
eg-Somebody has said that sWe ought al
ways to believe less than we are told" This
may be safe maxim for general use, but when
a woman tells her age, the rule will not always
apply. ....f..
ea-The most successful people are those who
have but one object and pursue it with great
persistence ''The great art" says Goethe, sis
to judiciously limit and isolate ones SELF
egThe Chicago Times says: ''The President
has concluded to give Fremont another trial in
the field" A trial before court martial is,
what he ought to give him.
es-The enduring odor of musk is astonishing.
When Justinian, in 53S, rebuilt what is now
themosque of Saint Sophia the mortar was,
charged with musk, and TO this very day the
atmosphere is filled with the odor
egAn intelligent farmer being asked if his
horses were well matched, replied, ayes, they
are matched firstrate; one of them is willing to
do all the work, and the other is willing he
should
egr'Did you ever go to military ball p ask
cd a lisping maid of an old veteran. 'sNo, my
dear" growled the old sodier;" Sin those days
I once had a military ball come to me- and what
do you think ?-it took my leg off" "a
r5-When a man, nowadays, wishes to COM
municate the intelligence that daughter has
been added to the family, he says that his do
mestic affairs have reached cjysis i's Is
rE-There is a lawyer in Plymouth, England,
so excessively honest that he puts all his flower
pots out over night so determined is he that ev-
erything shall have its ds'o.
egrWhy is a man climbing up Mount Vesu-,
vius like IN Irishman who wishes to kiss his
sweetheart ?-Because he wants to get at the
mouth of the ''cratur." rs,
r5y" At womans convention, q gentleman
that woman was the most wicked
thing in the creation Sir was the indignant
reply of one of the ladies, woman was made
from man, and, if ono rib is so wicked what
must the whole body be!
eE-A lady being asked to join a union of the,
"Daughters of temperance" replied, at is un-
as / intend to join one of the sons,
soon" Sensible lady, that. v.saas
e1rIn literature, as in morals, there are a GER
tain taste and grace, which confer dignity on i
moderate requirements; and there are negli-...
gence and grossncss that disgust, even when ac-
companied with incontestible superiority.
es-IGvery desire bears its death its very graf
ifcaton. Curiosity anguishes under repeated :
stimulauts, and novelties cease to excite surprise
until at length we cannot even wonder at q mir =
ocle J,aiag. +- y --e*