davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-16
Gen. Nelson Made to Mark Time.

Occasionally some of the shrewd
privates get and use an opportunity to
cut the feathers Of pompous officers,
which always affords merriment to the
whole camp. In fact, officers who
cloth themselves with unapproachable
dignity, and say, either by word or
action, [ am General, or 1 am Colonial,
or, when ''Slightly riled," by Cd, I'll
let you know / am Captain of Com
pany GA" or "B," or &C." become
targets for rear rank victims. | car
not better illustrate this than by telling
an anecdote which happened at camp
Joe Holt. | tell it as it was told to
me. The camp guards after night are
instructed to allow no one to pass in
or out without giving countersign,
and to retain as prisoners those who
come from outside to the lines without
it. General Nelson came to one of the
guards, one evening, just after the
countersign had been given out, and
held something like the following con-
versation:
Guard-Halt, who comes there
General-I am General Nelson, COM
manding this army.
Guard-I don't care a dam mark
time, march. Corporal Of the Guard,
No. l, Cooking his piece.)
General-( Commencing to mark
time slowly,)-You Cd d II fool,
I'll have you punished like hell.
Guard-I don't care a damn. If
Mcclellan was here without the coun
tersign, he should mark time till the
Corporal comes. Quick time, march.
General-(swearing and sweating,)
Let me rest.
Guard-No stree; mark time.
By this time the news spread like
wild-f through the camp, that one Of
the guards had Gen. Nelson out at post
No. l marking time, and half Of the
regiment was collected on that side,
enjoying the joke hugely. The corpo
raj was slow III coming, and every time
Nelson would slacken speed, the guard
wodld cock his gun and command,
mark time
By the time the corporal arrived,
the Generals rage had so fa- subsidized,
that he, too, began to see ana enjoy
the humorous side of the joke Cor
respondent IF the Nontoae Register
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-16
BULLY FOR HIM.-Among the 70

BULLY FOR HIM.-Among the TO-
mantle incidents of this wicked war,
none has struck us more "powerfur'
than this: Ruben Preston, formerly
of northern Ohio, and we'll known to
the people of this village as a noisy,
devil-may-care sort of fellow-went
south some time since and was obliged
to enlist to save his life. He finally be-
came captain of Texas company
When the armies came together at
Corlnth, he, WITH his whole company,
deserted and came over to our side,
and as luck would have it, he got into
the Ohio 4lst, right among his old
neighbors and acquairtances! In the
language Of the Poet, the meeting can
better be imagined than described.
Bully for Ruben.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-16

~ a good one is told of worthy
deacon in the city of s., in Northern
Ono. The deacon was the owner and
overseer of a large pork packing es:ab-
hshment. His duty was to stand at the
head OF the scalding trough, watch in
hand, to ''time" the length of scald
crying ''Hog in!'' when the just slaugh-
tered hog was to be thrown in the
trough, and Hog out!'' when the watch
OF business compelled the packers to
unusually hard labor, and Saturday
night found the deacon completely ex-
iausted. Indeed, he was almost sick
the next morning, when church time
came but he was leading member,
and it was his duty 20 attend the usual
Sabbath service if he could. He went.
nifty, as revival was i'll progress. The
minister preached a sermon well calcu-
lated for effect. His peroration was a
climax Of great beauty. Assuming the
attitude Of one inteutly listening, he re-
cited to the breattlless auditory:
''Hark they whisper; angels say"
'Hog mr. came from the deacon's
pew, in a stentorian voice. The aston
lShed audience turned their attention
from the preacher. He went on, how
ever, unmolested-
''Sister spirit come away"
"H0g outI" shouted the deacon--"taI-
W .toev!' This was too much for the
preacher and audience The latter
smiled, some snickered audibly, while
\ few boys broke for the door, to ssSplt
their sides" laughing outside, within
fuI! hearing. The preacher was dis
concerted entirely-sat down-aroSe
ayain-pronounced benediction, and
dismissed the anything else than solemn
minded hearers. The deacon soon
came to realizing sense of his uncon-
scious interlude, for his brethren reprl-
manded him severely; while s'the boys
caught the infection of the Joke, and
every possible occasion afforded an op-
portunity for them to say ''Hog in.r'-
"H0g out r'
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-16

AKIN G. A ne t1aftlCru
Times vouches for the truth of the fol-
lowing story:
"Pat Malone, you are fined FIVE dol
lars for assault and battery on Mike
Sweeney"
II have the money in my pocket, and
III pay the fine, if yer honor will give
me the resate"
1--WE give no receipts here. We
just take the money. You will not be
called upon second time for your
fine"
"But yer honor, III not be wanting
to pay the same till after l get the re-
safe"
"What do you want with it?''
eff yer honor will write one and give
it to me, I'll tell ye.''
"Well, there's your receipt. Now,
what do you want with it
''I'l tell yer honor. You see, one of
these days Ill be afther dyin', and
when l go to the gate of heaven Til
rap, and St. Peter will say, who's
there p and I'll say, It's me, Pat Ma
lone,' and he'll say, what do you
want p and I'll say, I want to come
IN and he'll say, Did you behave like
a dacent boy in the other world, and
pay all the fines and such things?' and
Ill say, Yes, yer holiness and then
he'll want to see the resate, and l'll put
my hand in my pocket and take out the
resate and give it to him, and I'll not
have to so ploddin' all over hell to find
yer honor to get one"
MIRTHFULNEss.- The power of dis
covering comic point, Of appreciating
humorous hit, and enjoying the fun
of droll question, is gift not to be
despised. 1t is not vain, silly or un-
becoming thing, as some moping owls
and grave billiards suppose. 1t is in
deed, like all human faculties, liable
to abuse, and capable of being perver-
ted to evil but it is essentially good
gift, and ought to be turned to the
good account of which it is suscepti,
ble, and to manifest itself in the in
crease of cheerfulness, the happiness
and affection of social and family life.
w might 60 farther; we might say
and adduce much evidence to support
the position, that, as hunor is dlscerned
by those who can, to some extent,
catch the feeling and spirit of the
humorlst, SO the sense of discomfort of
humor is one phrase or department Of
sympathy, and thus the springs Of
mirthfulness and kindness are not far
distant; and many home, amid the
alterations Of JOY and sorrow that
darken or brighten the course Of life,
has found an ever fresh gladness in
the comic vein or jocund humor of
some member Of the family. Many
of the best men we have ever known
the best in the highest sense of the
word-with the best hearts, have been
men who thoroughly appreciated and
highly enjoyed true humor.-NortA
British Recieao
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-16
rWSome curious facts ,

Some curious facts come to
light in the Scotch register generals
report in reference to prolific mothers.
One mother, who was only Is, had
four children; one who was %, had
seven children; and Of two who were
only 81, one had thirteen and the other
fourteen children; and, on the other
hand, two women became mothers as
late in life as at 81, and four at So,
and one mother was registered as hav-
ing given birth to a child in the 57th
year Of her age.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-16
HEADQUARTERS ARMY OF VIRGINIA, J
WASHINGTON. july %.
General Order No. l.


Hereafter no guards will be placed
over private houses or private property
of any description whatever. Com
manding officers are responsible for the
conduct Of the troops under their COM
mand, and the articles of war and reg
ulations Of the army provide ample
means for restraining them to the full
extent required for discipline and eff
cheney. Soldiers We're called into the
field to do battle against the enemy,
and it is not expected that their force
and energy shall be wasted in the pro-
lection of the private property of those
most hostile to the government. No
soldier serving in this army hereafter
will be employed in such service.
By command of Maj. Gen. Pope.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-16

PREACHING AND Practice CON-
BINED.-At a Methodist meeting in
Boston last week, the clergyman made
an appeal to his people to enlist in the
the army. "Why don't you come for
ward lively ?" said he. 'I'll enlist now
after you receive the benediction,
that will be proper time to enroll your
selves under your country's fag."-
The result was that in few minutes
after the services were closed the cler
gyplan found his own name at the head
Of sixteen true men, who will all 60 to
the Union army.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-16

A SENSIBLE ORDHR.-From the fol-
lowing sensible order, it appears our
soldiers, so far at least as Gen. Pope
has them in command, will not be oc-
cupied N standing guard over rebel
pig-pens and fence rails, nor hunting
up niggers either:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-16

TRUE.-The World says: "The
year has not ended the war, as we
hoped but it has done next to that
it has taught us how alone the war can
be ended"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-16

w 1t would be a great thing for
the rebel authorities if they could raise
guns by conscription as easily as they
can men.
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

The true history of the Trent affair at
Washington, says the Tribune correspondent,
is briefly this: At the first Cabinet meeting
held after the seizure of Slide!l and Mason,
the President expressed himself in favor Of
restoring them to the protection of the Brit
ish flag, if it should be demanded, He said
it was doubtful if the course Of Captain
Wilkes could be justified by international
law; and that at all events, he could not
afford to have two wars on his hands at the
same time. Attorney General Bates echoed
this opinion He thought tn izure urju,if-
able, and was in favor of giving up the men
upon demand.
Secretary Seward was non-committal. The
other members of the Cabinet disagreed with
Mr.. Lincoln positively, and Secretary Chase
argued forciby and with warmth that the
course recommended by the President would
be dishonorable to the United States as a
nation. Thus matters stood until the first
belligerent note from England. No further
discussion took place, nor was the question
again mooted in Cabinet until Christmas day.
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

SO that Great Britain, in case worst should
come to worst, would have very respectable
start in the way of an armed force in our vi
cinity.
The French navy has been greatly aug
mented of late years, near 100 vessels having
been added to it during the past ten years.
4 the new steamers are constituted upon
the model of the "Napoleon," model vessel,
and are provided with 960 horse power en-
ginc, and with guns of heavy and uniformed
cabre. The effective naval force of France
is now 449 war vessels of. all descriptions,
carrying 1922 guns, with strength Of near
ly $4,000 horse power. France has included
in the above four powerful and supposed to be
impresnable iron plated vessels. To these
must be added eight floating batteries, built,
or ella with iron, the names of which are not
given Each Of the four first vessels have on
board 900 horse power engine, SO cannons of
heavy calibre, mainly rihed. with muzzle
made to throw eighty pounds hollow eXplo
sive projectiles We do not know the eX-
act force manning the French Navy, but it is
estimated thvt in case Of war, it could COM
mand 10000 seamen.
A contest between three such navies as the
above, would result in the literal extinction
of commerce for the time being. Our navy
is small, but it has proved its quality, and in
a defensive war it would be compelled to inau-
gurate system of privateering that would
soon become gigantic in its proportions.
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10
VOL. XUI---NO. 80
Latest from Central and South
America.
REVOLUTIONARY MOVEMENTS.

NEW 1Oah, JGu. Il.
The steamship Northern Light arrived this
forenc on from Aspinwall with $7lS,s42 in
California treasure. @
Five hundred bales of cotton, en- route for
England, hAd arrived at Panama; much lar
ger amount IS going uia Cape iiorn. Efforts
are being made to raise very large crop the
ensuing year, of a superior quality.
Chill is about to make active war against
the Arancanians: ...-. --s--- --at.Try
Gen. Yaney was killed at Lopez, by the
people, in revenge for assassinations ordered
by him a month previous H ~|' adj
In an attempted outbreak by Col. Baga,
100 persons were killed and himself badly
wounded, he finally took refuge in the house
of the U. S. Minister ' --'.''
Gen. San Roman is elected President Of
Peru. He has already been stoned in the
streets Of Arequipa. .... o.. ..,..,,,l
Advices from South America state that the
Equadorian govern ment was preparing to re-
pei, in anticipation, an attack from Peru. OK
In Peru the elections had all been gained by
the ministerial party. -t f- -f.;-.
In Bolivia there had been revolution, put
ting in President Acba and electing Senator
Frederick. The people took no part in the
election, it beng consummated by the army.
The Chilian Government has contracted
with Henry Megs to complete the Valparaiso
and Santiago Railroad
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10
D1sMIssHD.-Commander Palmer, of t

D1sMIssED.-Commander Palmer, of the
Iroquois, was dismissed the service on the
14,h, and an officer dispatched to relieve him.
The Secretary of the Navy, appears to have
judged that excuses in advance, for the es-
cape of the Sumter, showed the disposition
to let her escape. An officer of the lroquois,
IN letter to friend in Providence. makes a
statement corroborative Of those which i'm
puted to Palmer the voluntary neglect to take
the Sumter. He states that the Sumter
"acas seen by the men at the forward pivot
gun, and permission asked by the officer. in
command to fire, Uhich ,oas refused" The
Sumter turned about and steamed one way
and the Iroquois the other, in pursuit of her
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10
KY JOtjRN; l..
The PrOhibitOTy s4Hvv.

A petition is in circulation III this city,
praying for the repeal G; the Prohlbitory
Liquor Lazy by the ensuing General Assembly,
on the ground that it discrminates in favor OF
foreign manufacture and against the domestic
article.
We have ever been an advocate of strin-
gent prohibitory law, believing that if proper
ly enforced it would almost totally eradicate
the great evil of intemperanee; but, as the
law now on the Statute books has been for
years literally dead letter, We think it had
better be repealed, if there is 10 way by
which it can be made effective. I he law ap-
pears to have taken a stride in advance Of
public sentiment. There is much TO be do"e
yet in the way of moral suaSion before the
cause of temperance can be / IT 10 the law
A judicous license system. ait. ough the idea
of licensing an evil is abhoront in the cX
tremc, would be preferable to no law on the
subject, or to law which nobody regarded
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10
New Hampshire Republican Con.
VemtiOm.
CONCORD. N. H, Jan. ]

CONCORD, n. H., JAN l.
The New Hampshire Republican State
Convention, to-day, nominated Gov. Berry
for reelection. DR.. Crosby, of Hanover,
Democrat, received the nomination for Rail-
way Commissioner. hee
Resolutions were adopted sustaining the
government in prosecuting the war, endors-
ing the national Administration, demanding
strict economy, endorsing the State authori-
ties thanking the volunteers for their devo-
ton. and promising to support the candidates
nominated without regard to party issues.
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

The Canadians, with all their asserted
readiness to fight, have an eye to the cost of
a war with the United States. In the war
of1s12 Great Britain paid the military ex-
penses of the province, and Canada grew
rich during the struggle. The Canadian pa
pers are now discussing the probability and
possibility of a similar benefit accruing from
the war of 1862, should there be one. prs
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10
Iowa News.

An old man eighty-two years of age recent
ly applied for license to marry in Davis
county. His request was not complied with
Mrs. Quinn, the woman who was reported.
to have been murdered iu Dubuque by her
husband, is said to be recovering.
A son of j. H. Farm r, Cedar Rapids,
while skating, fell through the ice and was
drowned.
1t is reported that the First Iowa Cavalry
have succeeded thus far in killing 80 seces
sionists, with the loss of but one man.
Captain Gray's company, Of Marion, Linr
county, have sent home 81, 900 of their sol
dier earnings.
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10
ss-There is a report from Washingto

b9There is report from Washington
that Gen. Halleck will probably be ordered
to the command of the army of the Potomac.
This officer has risen rapidly in public esti-
nation of late. His first proclamation in
Missouri was blunder; but he has since
displayed so much vigor, wisdom and direct
mess of purpose, that the people now regard
him with much favor Gen. Mcclellan will
sill retain the general command Of the army
of the United States. The latter officer is
now sick, 5.i /, 81 sq,dIf5 sseaEs4 s8t
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10
FIRE.

CouRrLAND, N. Y, Jan.
A destructive fire broke out here last even
ing in the Eagle Hotel, which was consum-'
ed. Loss about $S,0O0; no insurance. A
harness shop adjoining was destroyed. Loss
$4,000; no insurance. Also, cabinet shop
and ware rooms. Loss about 1000; parity
insured. .s2cEa
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

y Iowa MONEY FOR TAxEs.-We hope the
Legislature will enact law making the issues
of the State Bank of Iowa receivable for tax
es. There is no propriety or justice in the
State refusing to accept, in payment of liabil-
tiles due it, currency which it sanctions and
guarantees to the public.
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

The New York Times thinks it is little
amusing to reflect how perfectly quiet Can
ada was under the Trent Outrage" until she
heard from England. 1t was not until the
old lion growled that the whelps thought Of
whining Canada looks abroad for her re-
sentiments, as well as for her opinions, Gov
ernors, and other luxuries. ID ,a-
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

THE WESTERN RIVER EXPEDITION
number of gunboats to be used in the river
expedition now organizing at Cairo is twelve
of mortar boats or bomb-ketches thirtyeight
and of tugs and steamboats, twenty-eight-
seventy eight in all. The gunboats are abso
lutely shot proof, having been proved to be
so by actual experiment, and will carry very
heavy armament; and the mortar boats are
so constructed that they can be used for
bridges, besides carrying each one of the
heaviest mortars used in modern warfare, and
being loop-holed for musketry. 1t is be-
lieved that no defences of the rebels can stand
against this formidable armada.
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

Mr.. SEwARD's DIPLOMACY ON THE Trent
QUESTION. acknowledged ability of the
Secretary of State is shown in his reply to
the British demand for the delivery of Mason
and Slidell. The omission of the British
Government to specify in what manner the
seizure was'a violation of international law
which probably was caused by the fact that
England could not specify this without over
throwing all her own precedents- gave Mr..
Seward an opportunity to put the delivery on
the American ground in regard to neutral
rights, and to quote pertinently some old
American arguments which were once used
against British seizures of American seamer
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

1t is reported, says the Cincinnati CONNER
cial, that Gen. Buell. writes to Washington
that his army in Kentucky is an armed mob,
and that he must have time to work it up
fore he makes an advance.
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

MESSAGES OF THE GOVERNORS OF
MASSACHUSETTS AND MICHIGAN
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

HIGH PRICES IN RICHMOND--B Boots aS5 per Pair,
Coffee 1850 per Pound.
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

TIE SITUATION IN kENTUCKY.-There has
indeed been an advance of two or three brig
ades across Green River, in Kentucky, and
Gen. Buel has been down to the advance
camps, looking into the condition Of things :;
but We do not yet see what was promised by
movements two weeks since, any preparation
for an advance in force upon the Bowling
Green rebels, to drive them out Of the State
The Louisville Journal reviews the field, and
confesses at last that it forms "a dismal pic.
ture." 1t says:
Every wind that blows from Southern
Ksntueky bears to our ears the dreadful story
of outrages on the persons and property Of
as true set of men as ever lived. These
people are cut off from all intercourse with
the world without Their cars are continual
ly greeted with false accounts of rebel victo
ries which never were won, v hile not ray
of comfort or hope s suffered to beam upon
their depressed souls when our arms are COW
cred with success. They are destitute of the
actual necessarles Of life. Salt is $l3 bar
rel, coffee 60 cents pound, and other things
IN proportion. There is real distress among
these people of which we can have no cn-
ception How long shall we suffer rebel des-
po.ism and violence to have sway over our
brethren? The sight Of their couutry's flag,
so long stranger to them, would be hailed
by them with as much rapture as fountain
n the burning desert would be greeted by
the thirsty, way-wOrn traveller.
Muscatine weekly journal. [volume] (Muscatine, Iowa) 185?-1890, 1862-01-10

A YANKEE TRICK IN MIssoURI.-The fol-
lowing is told of Major Hovey, of the Twen-
ty-fourth Indiana, in connection with Gen.
Pope's recent exploits in Missouri:
While at some point near Clinton, Major
Hovey took 100 men, put them in wagons,
so as to hide them from vi w, and then put
ting few straggicrs to walk, as if guarding
the train, he started out. Secession, shot
gun in hand, hiding in the brush, saw the
cortege, and supposed it Federal wagon
train, poorly guarded, and hence an easy as
we'll as legitimate prize. Reasoning thus,
secession walked from the brush, preSt nting
its shotgun, and demanded surrender
which demand was instantly met by fifty
men rising from the wagons, presenting
row of glittering muskets, and requesting
SINH ar favor of the astonished and now NOR
| titled secession. Secession generally COM
pl d. and worked off its il-humor by ours
ing such "mean Yankee tricks" unknown to
all honorable warfare, and unworthy of chiv
alrous hearts. In this way many petulant
| rebel was confounded, ans in two cases,
where fight was preferred rather than sur
| render, two rebel sons of cbivalry bit the
dust from the effects of Mimic bullets, which
lefi canister-like augur holes clear through
their beads Before his return Major Hovey
captured large rumber Of prisoners ard
burnt one mill which was grinding for Price