The Burlington weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington [Iowa]) 1860-1876, 1862-03-29
FROM WASHINGTON.

From the Sunday Mercury.
EDITOR I. T:-Sunshine has at last resumed
specie payment my boy and every man that
chooses can walk under golden beams once
more. The sacred soil is drying up as rapidly
as an old maid after forty two, and boot blacks
begin to quote at high figures. The General
of the Mackerel brigade is so blissfull at hav-
ing polish on his boots once more, that he
puts them on the mantle-piece every time he
enters roem, and treads on all the toes he
can find in the street. The latter operation
has produced much profanity, especially among
the chaplains.
Speaking of the chaplains, reminds me of a
reverend veteran who attended the soul of
Captain Bob Shortly yesterday, and found it
in a high state of preservation. Captain Bob
Shorty rashly over estimated his power of en-
durance, and undertook to read Fremonts de-
fence. When he got to the twenty-frst column
he was seized with vertigo, and only recovered
to find himself taxing the measure of bed
stead, with chaplain standing by him.
"MJ friend, says the parson al consider
it my duty to tell you that you're very sick
man, and l take this opportunity to remind
you of your latter end
Captain Bob Shorty scratched his head, and
says he:
'sAm bound for the kingdom!"
''You may recover, says the chaplain,
"but now is the time to settle your worldly af-
fairs, if you don't Think of your wife and
progeny.
"My wife!" says Captain Bob Shorty, hys-
terically. "Ah, there's woman for you'
sis she worthy help-mate?" says the chap
lain.
"Why,' says Captain Bob Shorty, she's
mate and Captain both in my ship. She's
frugal Captain Bob Shorty-''she's
amiable, she's neat and she's got only one
fault in the world
''Ah!' says the chaplain 'only one fault?
Then she must be On uncommon woman"
'Yes," says Captain Bob Shorty, dreamily,
'.my wifes only got one fault in the world
she loves another chap better than she does
me-"
At this juncture, my boy, the chaplain was
seized with severe cough; but as soon as he
recovered he assumed a very grave expression,
and says he.
"NIy friend let me beseech you to forget
worldly,things for moment, and think of some-
thing more needful."
| Drive on" says Captain Bob Shorty.
| The chaplain gave a grievous snuff, and says
| he:
els there not something above all created
things that yon feel in need of now? Suppose,
my friend, that you were out at sea in terrible
storm, with the thunder roaring and the light
ming flashing, and the rain falling in torrents all
around you, what would you do to make your
self feel PEACEFUL"
.sYou say the rain was falling in torrents?"
says Captain Bob Shorty.
| 'Yea verify" says the chaplain.
| 81 think" says Captain Bob Shorty, reflect.
ively--"I think should call for an umberlla
and something hot"
Upon hearing this beautiful answer my boy,
the chaplain buried his face in his hands.
$50 should l, - he m1rmured-"so should L.
Depend upon it, my boy, there is bond Of
| sympathy between all men, that no difference
of education or circumstances can sever; and
| when some mice touch of nature causes it to
contract, it seldom fails to bring men together
on the common platform of whisky hot.
1t would afford me great pleasure, my boy,
to report great victory for our cause in Vir-
ginia, but no such result is yet visible to the
eye in state of nudity.
The gunboats to break the rebel blockade
have not started up the Potomac yet, ow.
ing to mistake by the General of the Macker
e! Brigade.
Some months ago, my boy, the General CAV,
an order to an Eastern contractor for coupl,
of peculiarly made gunboats for this service
but happening to pass the White House, short
ly after, saw what he took to be the models o.
two just such gunboats protruding out of ont
of the window. Thinking that the Presiden
had concluded to attend to the matter himself
he Immediately telegraphed to the contracto
, not to go on with the job.
Quite recently, the contractor came her
again, and says he to the General:
"Id like TO see the models of those Whit
House gunboats."
The General conducted him toward the Whit
House, my boy, and the two stood admirin,
the models, which protruded from the windo,
, as usual.
Pretty soon Western Congressman cam
along and says the contractor to him: "Ca
you tell me sir, whether these models Of gun
!. boats up there are on exhibition
''Gunboats ~ says the Western chap, look
ing up. 'Do you take those things for gun
boats p
"Of course" says the contractor
"Why you burned fooli' says the Congress
man. 'those are the Presidents boots. TIL
8 President always sits with his feet out of tn
: window when he's at home, and those are end
J of his boots"
j. Without another word, my boy, the Gener,
and the contractor turned gloomily from tn
! spot, convinced that they had witnessed tn
most terrific feet of the campaign.
Yours, sedately,
e ORPHEUS C. KERR.