Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1862-08-06

B.
A Foraging Party in virginia-Ken.
lucky Conservatism.
Upon quitting the Strawberry Festival
| returned post haste again TO Paris, where
/ | arrived just in time TO start with Cap
tain Bob Shortly and company from tht
/ Comic Section of the Mackeral Brigade on
a foraging expedition. We went to look
up few straw beds for the feeding of the
Anatomical Cavalry horses. my boy, and
the conservative kentucky chap went
along to zee that we did not violate the
constitution nor the rights of man.
It's my opinion, ccnrade," says Cap
I tain Bob Shortly, as we started out" it :
my opinion, nv Union ranger, that this
! here unnatural war is getting worked
| down to very fine point, when we can't
! go out for an armful of forage without
taking the constitution long on an ass
think" says Captain Bob Shortly, that
the constitution is as much out Of place
here as a set of fancy harness would be in
drove of wild buffaloez."
Can such be the case, my boy-can such
be the case? Then did our revolutionary
live in vain.
Having moved along in gorgeous caval-
cade until about noon, we stopped at the
house of First Family of Virginia who
were just going to dinner. Captain Bob
Shortly ordered the Mackerels TO stack
arms and draw canteens in the front door
yard, and then we entered the domicil
and saluted the domestic mess meeting in
the dining-room. .... .. -'
I'VE come, sir" says Bob, addressing
the venerable and high-minded chivalry
at the head of the table, 4" to ask you if
you have any old straw beds that you don't
want, that could be used for the cavalry
of the United States of America"
The chivalry only paused long enough
to throw couple of pie-plates at us, and
then says he:
Are you accursed abolitionists P'
The conservative Kentucky chap step
ped hastily forward, and says he:
No, my dear sir. we are the conserva-
tive element"
The chivalry's venerable wife, who was
female Southern Confsderacy, leaned
back little in her chair, so that her lit
tie son could see TO throw tes-cup at me;
and says she:
You amt Tribune reporters-be you?
We are all noes and no ayes Quite 8
feature in social intercourse, my boy.
The aged chivalry caused three fresh
chairs to be placed at the table, and having
failed TO discharge the fowling piece which
he had pointed at Captain Bob Shortly,
by reason of dampness in the cap, he wav-
ed us to seats, and says he:
Sit down, poor hirelings of gorilly
despot, and learn what it ia to taste the
hospitality of southern gentleman. You
are Lincoln hordes," says the chivalry
shaking his white locks, and have come
to butcher the Southern Confederacy; but
the southern gentlemen knows how TO be
courteous, even to a vandal foe"
Here the chivalry switched out cane
which he had concealed behind him, and
made at Captain Bob Shortly.
"See here" says Bob, Indignantly, III
be-
Hush" says the conservative Ken
lucky chap agitatedly, "don't irritate the
old patriarch, or the future amicable re-
construction of the Union will be out of
the question. He is naturally little pro-
voked just now," says the Kentucky chap
soothingly, "but we must show him that
we are his friends"
We all sat down in peace at the hospit-
able board, my boy, only few sweet po-
tatoes and corn-cobs being thrown by the
children, and found the fare to be in keep
ing with the situation of our distracted
country-l may say warfare.
I'm consequence of the blockade of the
Washington Ape" says the chivalry,
pleasantly, Eve only have one course, you
see; but even these last years sweet po-
tatoes must be luxurious to mercenary
mudsills accustomed to husks."
I had just reached out my plate, to be
helped, my boy, when there came great
noise from the Mackerels in the front
door-yard
WHAT'S that'" say. Captain Bob
Shotly2 s
20, nothing" says the female Confed-
eracy, taking another bite of hoe-cake.
d I've only told one Of the servants to
throw some hot water on your reptile
hirelings."
As Captain Bob Shortly turned to thank
her for her explanation, and while his
plate was extended, to be helped, the !
aged chivalry fired pistol at him across |
the table, the ball just grazing his head
and entering the wall behind MIN.
By all that's blue!" says Captain Bob |
Shortly, excitedly, "now I'll be-"
Be calm, now; be calm" says the con-
servative Kentucky chap hastily, " don't |
tel you that it's only natural for the
good old soul TO be a little provoked? Ifl
you go to aggitate him, we can never live
together as brethren again."
Matters being thus rendered pleasant,
my boy, we quickly finished the simple
meal; and as Captain Bob Shortly warded
of the carving-knife just thrown at him
by the chivalry's little son, he turned to
the female Confederacy, and says he:
Many thanks for your kind hospital
ity, and now about that straw bed 2"
The Virginia matron threw the vinegar
cruet at him, and says she:
Ny servants have already given one I
to your scorpions, you nasty Yankee"
"Of course" says the venerable chival-
~, just missing blow at me with bow
of course your despicable gov
ernment will pay me for my property /"
Pay youP' says Captain Bob Shortly, |
hotly, now I'll be"
Certainly it will, my friend broke
in the Kentucky chap, eagerly, "the |
Union troops come here as your friends :
for they make war on none but traitors.
As we left the domicil, my boy, brush
ing from our coats the slops tina: had just
been thrown upon US from an upper win
dow, l saw the chivalry's children train
ing fowling-pieee from the roof and hoist
ing the flag Of the Southern Confederacy i
on one of the chimneys. |
And will it be possible TO regain the
love of these noble people again, if We
treat them constitutionally We shall |,
zee, my bsy.-ws shall see. l .-a-s