The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-03-19
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= The rattling of the dice is often the
funeral bell of whole family.


b = Never turn blessing round TO see
whether it has dark side to it.
= Matrimonial 'jaO'd esprit" tair-L
see before marriage and the sad-you-see
qfterwards.
= How is il proved that Noah did not
come out of the ark first? The Bible says
he came forth.
= Which travels at the greatest speed,
heat or cold9 Heat; because you can
easily catch cold.
= 1t is said that the "pen is mightier
than the sword" Neither is of much use
without the holder.
- The cavalry service is no longer
popular, as the whole country is shout
ing: " Go on, Foote"
- He who knows the world will not
be too bashful. He who knows himself
will not be too impudont.
= A boy in Sunday School being ask
ed what is the chief end of man, replied,
+" the end the head is on"
= The rebel Generals, at Fort Donel-
son, agreed admirably. Two treated and
the other two re-treated.
= The rebels at Fort Donelson, being
desirous TO meet the Odd Yankees"
have had their wishes Granted.
People should never kiss those of
their own sex; we never kissed n boy in
our lives except pretty tom'boy.
- Almost every young lady is public
spirited enough to be willing to have her
fathers house used rs courthouse.
- An American poet talks Of the mu-
sic Of a low wind. The wind is often
low, and very few of the poets can raise it..
- True friends arc like true diamonds,
scarce but precious. False ones are like
the leaves of the forest, without number
- The reward of villains is various !;
some of them are hung, others head crop
ped and branded, and othcrs-elected to
office
- A man was walking down street
the other day, when he was suddenly
struck by a thought and knocked into the
gutter.
= Young men who would prosper in
love should WOO gently. 1t is not fash
ionablc for young ladies TO take ardent
spirits.
= The Confederate government fol-
lows Captain Cuttle's advice, and when
ever they find a piece of paper, "makc
a note of it,"
- Beauregard is suffering at Murfrees-
boro from q sore throat He isn't the
only rebel that is beginning to feel bad
about the neck.
- Don't rely for success upon empty
praise. The swimmer upon the stream
of life should be able to keep aAoat with
out the aid Of bladders.
- 1t is the opinion of Western edit
or that wood goes farther when left out
doors than when well housed. He says
some Of his went half mile.
- Lady Yarmouth asked Garrick one
day why love was always represented as
a child "Because love never reaches
the age of wisdom and experience"
-" Mynheer, do you know for what
we call our boy Hans9' 81 do not, real
ly." "WelI, | will tell you. De reason
we call our boy Hans is-it ish his name. y
=" Mother, the end of the world is
comin'?' "What makes you think so,
child 7" "Cos them trowsers what you
said nd never wear out has got tearin'
big hole in EN-"
= An exchange says: Truth is
crowded out of this ISSUE" This is al
most as bad rs the up-country editor, who
said, "For the evil effects of intoxicating
drink, see our inside"
- A young candidate for the legal
profession was asked what he should do
first when employed to bring an action.
"Ask for money on account" was the
prompt reply. He passed.
=" Some people," said red noscd
individual, haranguing some three or four
bystanders, "waste their money in char
ity, others squander theirs in supporting
wives and families, save mine to buy
spirits"
= The editorial office of Kenosha
paper is located Immediately over a re-
cruiting office, and the editor says the
drumming and fling drives everything out
of his head. What scampering there
must be down over his shirt collar!
- An Irisbman attending n Quaker
meeting heard young Friend make the
following announcement: -" Brethren and
sisters, | am going to marry daughter
of the Lord" "Och, N yo are" said
Pat, faith and be jabers, and it will be
a long time before yell sec yer iather-in-
law"