The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1862-05-15

I From the New York Sunday Times
/ There is quotation familiar 10 all school
boys where some old fellow OF pious memory
on being requested by Queen Dido to give an
account Of his travels replied: Thou com
mandest me, 0 Queen, to relate the history OF
my woes 1t is with feelings of the same de-
scription (only more SOY that [ address dis
eliminating public, in the hope that my exam
I pie viii prove q warning to all similarly temp
ted. But a few days since, some one published
an article on "Skatng as fine art" The man
must have been insane. Skating I say is a
humbug and what say ! know by sad expe-
rience. Listen for 9 moment and you will
agree with me.
Last spring, while walking with Arsminta
through Che sylvan shades Of the Central Park,
that charming young female went into ecstacies
over what in her ignorance, she termed the ell
egance and gracefuness of the amusement Of
skating; and after avowing her determination
to acquire its mysteries during the coming win
ter or go down TO an untimely grave, turned
to me- and exclaimed in d tone of melting sweet
ness: And you, Mr.. Smith," (my name is
Smith, you will teach me, | am sure!' The
! voice, the glance, the pressure Of my arm which
accompanied it. made my heart go pita pat,
! faster than pleased rabbits tail. Need / say
chat l at once embraced the proposal and as
much of the proposer as / could, without at
tracing public attention On returning to
the paternal roof, it suddenly struck me that
had forgotten one important thing in rashly
making this promise I could not skate. Hor-
ror After one moments reflection, ( seized
my has and rushed TO find Jones / met him
on Broadway, and collared him so quickly that
every one looked around, and small boy hal
looed e'Police !" instantly.
JONES i" | exclaimed $ have got TO learn
how to skate right off How is it to be done p
Let 90 my collar, Smith, was the reply of
the some hat irate Jones, and don't get SO
(somehow or other) excited. You can learn
easy enough, if You will buy pair OF parlor
skates"
Jones'" I returned, relinquishing his collar
a. requested, you're my preseryer; what will
you take Z"
Jones took something, arranged MS collar,
and we bought the best pair OF parlor skates
that money could procure, Full directions
were given by the skateman. Only have
your floor smooth, and keep your skates well
creased. ana you will go like bild!' was
mis- encouraging remark, as he handed them
over 10 me with the change.
Grease! What do you grease them with?'
"OIl,' be answered solemnly.
| bought half gallon at once Jones gave
me his ADVICE too. Always go ahead, and
| if you don't get excited, you will do the outside
edge backward liz a week.
| Outside edge backward WHATS that F''-
/ said 4.
| This style,'' answered Jones, standing as
/ he spoke, on his right leg, and twisting himself
as though trying 10 look at his right coat tail
under his left elbow. | stood my right leg,
aud tried to catch glimpse of my right coat
tail under my elbow, but not succeeding, re-
marked 81 didn't see it." Thereat j ones laugh
ed as though had said a good thing.
| Next morning [ started very quietly down
TO the extension room, an hour and half be
| fore breakfast, to try to do the "ouside edge
backward" as per instructions Down sat
to pat on my skates, but somehow the straps
always Cos into d snarl, and they didn't seem
to go on. Indeed the breakfast bell rang jus!
as / got the first TO fit, which put . atop TO ska
ting for the present. After breakfast l started
up again This time it only took twenty min
ules to get them both on. OFF ] went--right,
left, right, lett, according TO the directions il
the "Skaters M&nual," which / had also pur
chased but, leaning too far forward, wen
Idown "kerchunk." I looked at the book
All skaters must not lean too far forward =
Try it again. Right, left, right leaned to'
tar back this time, my heels went up, my heat
went down bang-and smashed the halt, gallon
can / had bought 20 grease my skates, before
knew what was 70 pay, The concussion wa
terrific the windows ratified all over the hou5
stars danced before my eyes-and instead o
$ one fifty oil cans seemed to be scattered about
j, l was almost collapsed but energy, and quar-
Of oil that had got down the back of my neck
together with a reviving sensation produced b
the GOODNESS of the oil cloth where | had spill
r the seat out of my unmentiunables, brough
me up in few minutes almost as good as new
The damage was all done and the oil all gone
. and had nothing to bus TO mind Jones an
: not get excited. Suddenly an idea struck me
}. The directions were to keep the floor smoot
y aud my skates creased. Here was chance t
do both. Oil is the cheese, thinks / and i
. about FIVE minutes, with the help of the brosn
y the aforesaid oil was being rapidly distribute
about half an inch deep, over the whole of tn
floor.
just at this moment in rushed mother, 81
and the governor, who had heard my unluck
!, tumble, and thought that l had hung myse
5, and the rope had broken, Or that somethin
else equally horrible was TO pay.
l. "Oh, James! what has happened z" va
the cry-when up went their heels, and dow
went the old lady on one side, and sis On ii
fother, and the governor end over end oYt
them both, all into the thickest part of the ha
gallon Dire was the confusion, during whic
= left. This was my first experience on part
skates.
Alter months practice, however, got so
J, could get along nicely by working well Wi
my shoulders and swinging my hands abol
considerably, although | will acknowledge tn
- / never could stand On my right leg and look
my coat tail under my elbow, as Jones h:
done, without sitting on it before could 0
=, tain single glimpse of its lair proportions.
Winter was now at at hand. Araminta b
, presented me with gorgeous skating cap;
| had reeiprocated with ST lendid pair of skate
ill - = ss1, 20 :. "iN ', - ~ -. .
lth lute' hot uhiHIhSteu WIN ahAlety. 10 Inc vi
when | shunld guide her lovely form throuI
81 the slippery paths of the learner of skates
m. At ast came hard frost; up went the +
ball, so did the price OF skates. l started hol
iro early that day, designing 30 fortify myself wi
d a good dinner before making my essay as
instructor. Who should | meet in the hall
NJ. Agaminta, wrapped, and bundled, and shawlt
in and cloaked, looking so large that was app,
ed. She is only two inches taller than l e