Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1862-05-03

HERE is a convincing gargumcnt. It is on
IL those who preach havd'sheil sermons that
strike sinners to conviction Ny brethren
and sisters if Il mans full of religion you
can't hurt him. There were the three Abri-
can children they put EN- fiery furnace
hetted seven times hettor than could be hct,
and it didn't singe hair on their heads
and there was John the Evangclcr they put
him--and where do you think brethren and
sisters, they put himl Why they put him
into caladronic of bilin' lie and billed him
all night and it didn't taze his shell! And
there was Daniel, they put him into Il lions
demand what, my fellow traveller and re-
spected auditors, do YOU think he was put
into lions den forl Why for praying
three times day. Don't be alarmed brCth-
rcn and sisters, don't think any of you will
ever get into lions den.'
IL Eenango county, Pennsylvania, is a
queer fellow by the name Of Tom Barton.
who drinks and shutters, and shutters and
drinks. He has brother, jim, who is glib
oftongue and was a great liar-wc hope he
has reformed, for he prolesscd to become
good man. and was baptized in the river.
1t was a bitter cold day in winter, and the
ice had to be cut to make Il place for the
ceremony. Tom was in attendance, and
close by. As jim came up out Of the water
Tom said to him:
us it c-c-cold, Jiml'
No" replied jim, mot at all
"D-d-dip him again m-in- minister cried
Tom; "he lilies yet"
GRACE AFTER MEAT-Onc day at the
table of DR.. Pearse, Dean Of Ely y just as the
cloth was being removed, the subject Of
nI Ia. +l,ot, 8
dinary mortality among the layers. 1--WE
have lost" said gentleman. mot less than
siX eminent barriers in rs many months"
The Dean, who was quite deaf rose as his
friend finished his remarks and gave the
company grace. "For this and every other
0'.rry, the Lords name be praised - The
effect was irresistible.
How HE LIKED THEM.-Dr Francis was
wag, and once when early peas were on the
table, he emptied the contents of his snuff,
box over them. Francis Francis ex-
claimed Il sricnd, "what are you about 2"
II like them that way" was the answer
He, Of course, had the dish to himself when
had concluded, he exclaimed: You
thought it was snuff, did you Nothing but
black pepper
SOME years since, Seth p. johnson was
elected a member of the thc--Lcoislaturc
from one of the Western counties. Desiring
70 make q favorable impression, he prepared
himself with great care for his speech. lie
commenced:
Mr. Speaker, when ! reflect on the char
actcr of General WGshington-'an and he came
10 Il sudden stop. Again he commenced
Mr.. Speaker. when | reflect on the charac-
ter of General Washington" and again
stopped. lie cssayed third time. and got
40 further; when a fcllow-membcr brought
him and the House both down by suggesting
wethcr it was in order for member of the
House to be mrEing refooi0as on the charac,
ter Of General Washington
LIEUT. Wilson. of the SD regiment. while
looking over lot of old records found in
Fairfax Court House, discovered the follow
ing written on fly Leaf Of an old deed book
and seuds-a copy Of 1t to the ConncautyilC
Rccord:
daniel Morgan, began to rite in his Office
ye 10th daye of May 1885, and God nowc'
when he left off,
lie entered decides that sowed the secdes
Oflove and discomfort
With married plans and published bans,
That Parsons did invent
Az ELDERLY LADY who was handling {
pair of artificial plates in dental office. ans
admiring the iluency with which the dentis
described them, asked him: Can a bod,
eat with these things ?" "My dear ma'am
mastication can be performed with acilit,
scarcely excelled by nature herself" respond
ded the dentist. 'Yes, know; but can
body eat with 'em 2" replied the woman.
REwIvING.-A certain cocknev buebeard
overcome by his sensibilities, tainted at tn,
grave of his fourth spouse "What shall W,
DO with him 2" asked a perplcxed friend o
his. Let him alone" said Il waggish by
sander. hell soon revive :"
Slr on are nice little girl you shall
ne my whey when you grow up = mo
thaiih You don't want to have q husband
but aunt Bessy does | heard her saw so
sensation on the part of aunt Bessv.
WILL you take some grapes, Monsieur ~
"sAeo, gentleman of Frenchman. No
sare, ne replied, .! don't swallow my wine
in &c shape of pills" ""''
lhe negroes say the soldiers at Beaufort
.. C., stood their ground very wen so lone,
as de ships fired de qood shot but ,ybo66
dey fired dc rotten shot, dat burst when hin,
come down-my gosh, how dey run-yaL,
yah, yah" '""'
\ SOLDIER was sentenced, for deserinp
to have his ear cut of. After underuoin"
The brutal ordeal, he was escorted out of the
courtyard to the tune Of the rogue's march
nc then turned, and in mock dignity thus
addressed the musicians :-"Gentlemn I
thank you, but have no ear for music.p
IF ever you have a dispute with any one
Goout money! said a seedy fellow TO a rich
mend, lust leave it 10 me"