Cleveland morning leader. [volume] (Cleveland [Ohio]) 1854-1865, 1862-08-09
The Lazy cluh.

The club assembled at the usual hour las
evening, the President reclining on the sofa
The Secretary dozod over the minutes of th'
last meeting, and as every body was too In
dOleut to offer any objection they were ac'
cepted. The first thing in order was the I'D.
mission Of new members, but several who
were promised we're too lazy to come, and
one or two who did arrive couldn't get in,
because the lazy door keeper wouldntget up
and open the door in response to their indo-
lent knock. One member was fined seventy
Eve cents for exhibiting pnwarranted indus
try in reaching the club room half an hour in
advance Of all other members. His excuse
that he lived next door, and fell into doze
and out Of the window onto the back stOop
where the club was to meet, had no weight,
although he scores two hundred and hfty on
the hay scales.
An obituary was read Of a member recent
ly deceased. Nothing in the world was the
matter of him he died simply because he
was too lazy to breath. A martyr to the
great principle upon which the club was
founded, his memory ought to be preserved,
but the club is too lazy to raise a monument
to it.
A discussion arose with regard to proper
coat of arms or seal for the club, the desire
being to adopt something emblamatic.
A wine sucker suggested 90 green seal in
quart bottles. (We may remark ca passant
that his wine is administered to him through
a tunnel by an attendant-too lazy to drink.
Another suggested snail, but the club
yelled with frantic accord too fast-too
fast" Among other suggestions were the
following: fOundered horse, rampant,
with the blind staggers, salient. A pint of
mOlasses in January. A quantity of cold
tar. War movements. train of cars on
the 0swego railroad. suit in Chancory,
&c, &c. The club finally adopted the lilies
of the field, because "they toll not, neither
do they spin" Being arrayed in manner
quite superior to Solomon in ali his glory,
the lily might be considered coat, vest and
pantaloons of arms Henceforth each nom
Der of the Lazy Club may be distinguished
by lily which he is to wear in his button
hole. Ladies with lily white hands are the
Of distinguished attentions from
the club, ahd great favor is shown to lili-
putians.
The lily is appropriate as the emblem Of
the club for this reason also The members
are all opposed to the war and down on draft
ing, and hence are subject to the suspicion
Of being lily-livered
A member said he would sing song.
President called the club to order and all
prepared to listen. The singing member
opened his month, struck note, gasped
family and sunk silently back into his chair
He was too lazy to pitch the tune.
The club was thrown into great Oonsterna-
tiOn at this point by person getting up and
making motion. The idea Of member of
the lazy club making a motion was horrify-
ing, but no one seconded it and the member,
utterly abashed, dropped into his seat again.
He is a marked man henceforth, and the only
reason why he will escape expulsion, if he
does escape, will be because the club is too
lazy to act in the matter. They hate action
of all kinds. The club Testament has the
book Of " Acts" torn out entirely.
The club discussed the propriety Of moving
across into Canada, as the proposed draft is
likely to interfere with their leasurely enjoy
ment of life. Their inveterate laziness, how
ever, will interfere with carrying out their
designs and the draft will probably overtake
them. The lazy club will have to "fall in''
we hope.