The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1862-12-25
How does the most punctual paymaster incur

How does the most punctual paymaster incu
mighty debt! BY sleeping on tick
Can amans pocket be empty when he's go
something in il? Yes, when he has big hole il
! it.
"You seem TO walk more erect than usual my
friend'' Yes, have been straightend by cir
cumstances."
If it were decreed that one man should live
forever, all the rest of the world would impute
their deaths to him.
~Ah doctaw, does the choleraw awfect the
hiehaw awda9" asked an exquisite # a celebrated
physician in New Orleans "NO,' replied the
doctor, +" but it's death on fools, and you had
better leave the city immediately" The 'fellaw
sloped.
A machine has been invented which is to be
driven by the force of circums ances
When does man die for his love? When he
turns his red whiskers brown.
To terminate u lawsuit speedily is the next best
thing to neve haver commenced it.
Are the minutes rela ting to an affair of honor
drawn up by the seconds?
What kind of fever have those who wish 10
have their names in print? Type-us fever
Why is your thumb, when putting on your
glove like eternity? Because it is epsr last an
(everlastingJ
Why lie the electric telegraph like prosy story
teller7 Because they are long wye-dra~n COM
municatons.
When is beggar like one of our most faithful
indian tribes? When he's Sikh in arms. Seek
ing aims)
do you know who built this bridget" said
person to Hook "Xo'' replied Hook. "but if
You go over it you'll be toiled
g ''What are, you about!" inquired lunato Of
a cook, who was industriousy stripping the feath-
ers from fo~l. Dressing a chicken" answer
ed the cook Il should call that undressing
said the crazy chap in reply
Smoking cures hogs, but it KILLS men.
Fond as FalstafI was women, he never obs
iected to their giving him the sack - g..
The best adhesive liable for your baggae-Stick
10 ityourself. E.l
"You carry your head rather high as the owl
said to the giraffe when he poked his into the
belfry. 9ag.# -. .. .r sn
4 Yankee in Iowa has Just taught ducks to
swim n hot water with such success that they lay
boiled eggs. .'
Tine newspaper publishers of New Hampshire
are soon to hold convention to adopt some new
system which will enab e Them the more readily
t. collect their dues, and meet their Increased ex'
peneos.
"ratrick, you fool, what makes you steal after
<I,uF v.f, yGbe Cri1rlb .sn l,,ny
"H ash; hush my darling, the rabbit d )nt know
that
Mother The end of the world is coming" "What
makes you think so my childp' Gus them trow-
sers what you said I'D never wear has got tarn
bghole in en-" .s
There is fellow in Vermont who has bugle,
the notes of which are sweet that when he plays
the whole neighborhood catches them TO use in.
stead of sugar.
a The most remarkable case on record, is that of
the Yankee soap man, who. in q violent storm at
sea saved himself from drowning by taking a
cake ofhis own soap and wishing himself ashore
That was slourish woman, the widow Of the
tower keeper at Andernach. whom his successor
was obliged to marry, she too fat to get out
of the building either by door window.
Halfa million barrels of apples have been sold
from the orchards of western New York the past
season, averaging probably not over the extreme
ly low price of$I, per parrel.
A country firm advertised in the local news
paper for operators and basters' to work on
army clothing. The apprentice who set the 'ads'
OF the sheet astonished the community by making
the notice read, operators and bastards wanted
70 work on army clothing