The Potter journal. [volume] (Coudersport, Pa.) 1857-1872, 1862-10-01


his black eyes-a noble brow, cheeks
white and thin to spirituality, the proud
lips quivealng with pain and passion
Again l tried, unavailiDgly, to soothe
him-he must have felt the strong tide
of life ebbing, but it seemed on y to nerve
him on to speaking.
81 had left in New Orleans rare beau
ties, my own cousins, proud, elegant
women; I have frittered time away over
soulless creatures; l have believed my
self in love with these moths, glittering,
gaudy, vain beings; never had | truly
loved till | saw Nina. You do not know
what it cost me to confess this even to
myself I, who had the proudest of
blood in my veins-I to love woman
tainted with African lineage! l feel
wild-the room swims-hush, you must
listen Nina's voice was rich with mel
ody, but it became torture. Her gentle,
healing touch distracted me, her light
football, her winning womanliness and
modesty all Jared [ was nearly mad,
and because loved her-loved her whose
price was three thousand dollars.
81 can see the room where lay day
after day battling dire thoughts-wan
and weak, weaker than now, for tonight
am strong. My wound would not heal,
for my brain was on fire. So lying there
on the nice white pillows, famed or read
to by that beautiful, sad passionate woman,
- hon Of 1ty7o IN N
order, in her loving desire to please, in
her longing to amuse or change the cur
rent of my unhappy thoughts, betrayed
the same emotion that was calling me.
She wreathed flowers dexterously; she
cooked the most delicate birds for my
fastidious appetite; she sang softly low
toned ballads, rich and sweet old French
words. And |, cold, mute, passive, lis
tened with ears intent to hear, eyes ach-
ing to drink in her loveliness for she was
lovely-yes, though only worth three
thousand dollars.
81 will stop soon; you are kind to be
patient. | was dreaming one night of
past scenes-of my beautiful, fashionable,
cousins but their faces became suddenly
dark and vicious as imps; their voices
taunting, mocking me with my love of
glory, my hopes of fame; for it seemed
as if Nina had told them of my love for
her, and IN their impishness it became a
matter of rare sport to jeer and mock NE
with nv sudden fall from greatness, from
ancestral pride. suppose | spoke aloud
in my dreams, for as woke a pale face,
flooded in tears, vanished like a vision
before me. So [ knew that Nina had
heard ALL The next day | was left all
alone. Oh, how long it was how wea-
rily impatient [ became for my kind
nurse, my tender friend The day wore
away, and evening came. In the long,
tranquil twilight l watched the stairs as
a sick man will, longing for Nina. She
came at last, slowly, feebly, as if very
tired, and weary, and depressed. For
the first time [ drew her close to me, her
unresisting head down on my bosom, and
told her that [ loved her better than life,
better than fame, better than any human
being in the wide, wide world. She was
very still; only her soft breath on my
cheek, only the beating of her heart close
to mine told me that she heard. Again
l spoke, more intensely, more lmpatiently,
told her all my struggles ; my whole heart
poured itself out, and still she knelt at
my side in silence.
"Speak Nina" said, "only one wore"
81 would die for you'll would die
but cannot live and be yours" was her
only reply.
"But, Nina, you must. Have I not
given up all? Am not willing to re-
sign a claim which the world acknowl-
edges-good birth p was going on
when she passionately exclaimed:
81 cannot bear it-stop! I cannot be
beneath even you! | have no tame wo-
mans heart; have the fire of the South
burning, leaping in my veins" She
rose quickly, standing beside me in her
beautiful indignation, pride and love
struggling together as they had done
with me. Her words came wildly fast
and ineoherent. She spoke Of her white
father bitterly, wltheringly; of her slave
mother with unmixed contempt; of the
world in disdain, almost cursiDg her Gre.
ator. She was in passion of wild grief +;
of utter, unsubdued anguish. | tried to
allay her sorrow, assuring her of my love.
Gradually she calmed down; tears came
to her relief She caressed me as if l
had been little child she had unwt-
tingly injured harshness, all reproach
had ceased to issue from her lips. 1t
was like the hushing of storm, the gen.
tie rain after flashing electricity and gusts
of furious wind.
II recall my childish lessons, long for
gotten-of humanity, of a Heavenly
Eotbar'o lova and mercv Spyta nF Saanoino