Litchfield enquirer., 1862-01-16
DEFERRED ITEMS.

raJ)hy come mp. Bill IOotS Wnats cape [!
 "A thing that mother wears over her shoul- dsrs."
 "What's plain?"
 "A tool used by carpenters for smoothing of boards"
 "Whats desert ?''
 Its goodies after dinner ?"
 "Thatll do, Bill, Ill give you the goodies af- ter school"
 "John, how do you parse grandmother '"
 Il don't parse her at all, always goes right in to get cookey.'
 "Young women are beautiful"
 "What is tbat which comes after young wo- men?"
 "The fcllers to be sure They are always af- ter the girls.'
 "Thatll do"'
 MARRIED woaks-In the Tennessee Legis- turs on the 4th inst, the following were offered as amendments to the bill to protect the prop erv of married women, and are now waiting ac. ton
 "Be it enacted. That in all popular elections every unmarried woman being the owner of tax able property shall be entitled to vote as male citizens and every married wom. .n having separ- ate property whose husband may be insolvent, shall in like manner be entitled to vote and her husband shall be disfranchissd
 "Be it further enacted, That all women, of whatever age rank profession or degree, whether virgin maid or widow.that shall impose upon ,se- duce or betray into matrmony any male sub ject in the Confederate States of America, by the means of scents paints, cosmetics. washes, artificial teeth. false hair, Spanish wool, iron stays, high heel shoes. or bolstered hips shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, aud upon con- viction shall be fined the sum of Sl0O and i'm prisoned, at the discretion Of the court trying the cause"
 A TERRIBLE FATE FOR JEFF-At festival on some occasion among the soldiers iu Missouri one of them from Adrian offered the following extravagaut sentiment, which is printed in a Missouri paper from which we copy:
 "Jef Daois--May he bs set aaoat in an open boat without compass or rudder, may that boat and contents be swallowed by shark, and the shark swallowed by a whale the whale in the devils belly, and tho devil in hell the door lock- ed and the key lost, and, further, may he be chained in the southwest corner of hell, and northeast wind blow ashes ;n his eyes to all eternity"
 DEMoRAL1zAr1oN or THE REBEL ARMY.-One
 
 Richmond paper, which he cut out and carried in his boot. It gives an awful picture of the condition of the rebel army on the Potomac, saying that the entire army is utterly dcmoral- ized, regimcntal drills have ceased entirely, the men spending their time in using greasy decks of cards. Great numbers are offering large sums for substitutes, and one had offered as high as $1,5OO.
 The editor urges the government to do some- thing to remedy the evil.
 Such is the demoralized condition of the army that enlistments cannot go on, thousands who would enlist being deferred by the discouraging condition of the army.
 RUMoRED PURPOSE OF MASON AND SL1pELL.- correspondent in Birmingham, England writes the Evening Post, that it was under stood abroad that the object of Mason and Sli- dell's mission was the negotiation of a treaty with England and France that the South was reportad to have made overtures for the grant of extensive commercial privaleges for term of years; and that the emancipation of the slaves was the inducement held out by the rebels to obtain treaty stipulations and the support of the European powers. It is further reported that news of this movement was conveyed to Gener- al Scott by Prince Napoleon.
 A cousin german of the New York Atlas man, has counted the number of hairs on heads of four different colors. In a blonde he fonnd l40,400 hairs in brown, 09,44O; in black l02,96l ; and in red one 8e,64O. Though less in number the coarser have the advantage in the aggregate stock over the blonde which owes it's silk like and glossy character to it's fine ness and multiplicity.
 The Western papers have been humbugged by a false quotation from Scripture threatening great tribulation upon the South but they can't invent anything so terrible as the prophecy of Ezekiel concerning the fate of the rebels printed in the 18th verse of the 5th and 9th chapters of it's original prophecy. Of course he means them can see that.
 The Washington Postofdce is getting to be an immense Government machine.-There are frequently 10000 letters received there daily and as many dispatched.-1'he revenues have risen from S2 ,OO0 quarter beyond expenses to $5oOOO, which will give some idea ofthe work.
 VERY SwEEr.-The poet Mcdonald Clark published four lines worth dwelling upon occa- sionally:
 And then her little pouting lips.
 Two roses on maiden stem.
 How many sad and secret trips
 Will memory take to visit them?
 APPRoPR1ATE.-An exchange suggests the propriety of naming the rebel vessels engaged in plunderng our commerce--pirateers- being a cross between the red flag pirate and the property commissioned private vessel of war or prvateer.
 Thurlow Weed writes of his voyage across the Atlantic:
 My evening were beguiled when the sea per mitted by rubbers of whist with General Scott. Col. Winthrop of New Orleans, and Mr. Green a New York merchant.
 In the opinion of Henry Ward Rcecher no home can be perfectly happy one without three grand requisites-a family Bible, a prandmotber CT and baby. The same authority says that the finest perspective he knows is that of a Quaker ladYs bonnet.
 The London Lancet advertises chewing ma. chine for toothless people. It is fastened to the dinner table goes with crank and it is said to mnce food very nicely. Something we SUD- pose like the machine for eating shad that throws the bones while eating over the left shoulder.
 The commercial shipping of the world is about l5. .OOO, 900 tons, of which England and 1he Uni ted States have about 5, 5,000, 900 each, Franca .OO0,0 900, and the rest of the world 4OOO. 900. war between England and America would be mostly on the ocean, aud the damage would be principally confined to the commerce of the two nations.
 There is much complaint in Washington of the great number of staff officers demanded by some of the Generals in command. Tha excess of charges over the proper number it is said cx- ceeds $300,000 per annum.
 The Bank Presidents of Baltimore held meet