Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1862-08-13
The Voluntary Invalid

Inc voluntary InVaIld
A fine town-lady was married to a cOun-
try gentleman, of ancient descent, in one Of
the counties of Great Britain, who had
good humor 10 a weakness, and was that
sort Of person, of whom it IS said. he is NJ
mans enemy but his own one who hao
too much tenderness OF soul to have any
authority with his wife, and she 100 lit
tie sense to give him any authority. fol
that reason. His kind wife observed this
temper in him, and made proper use of it
But knowing it wa beneath a gentlewo-
man to ~wrangle, she resolved upon an ex-
pedient to save decorum, and wean hel
dear to her point at the same time.
She therefore took upon her to govern
him, by falling into Mysteries whenever
she was %repulsed in a request, or contra
dicted in a discourse.
1t was fish day. when, in the midst Of
her husbands g~Ocd-humor at table, she be.
thought herself to try her project. She
made signs that she had swallowed a bone
The man grew pale as ashes; and ran to
her assistance. calling for drink.
mo my dear, said she, recovering, at
is down do not be frightened"
This incident betrayed his fondness
enough. The next day she complained, a
lady's chariot, whose husband had not
half his estate. had a crane-neck, and hung
with twice the air that hers had.
He answered:
MADAM. you know my income; you
know ] have lost two coach-horses this
spring,"-down she fell. ''Hartsborn =
Betty, Susan, Alice, throw water in her
face"
With much care and pains she was at
last brought to herself, and the vehicle in
which she visited was mended in the mic
est manner to prevent rclapses; but they
frequently happened during that husbands
whole life, which had the good fortune to
end in a few years after.
The discopsolate widow soon pitched
upon a very agreeable successor, whom she
very prudently designed to govern by the
same method. This man knew her little
arts, and resolved to break through all
tenderness, and be absolute master as soon
as occasion offered.
One day it happened that a discourse
arose about furniture; he was very glad
of the occasion, and fell into an invective
sgainst china, protesting, that he would
never let five pounds more ofhis money be
laid out that way as long as he breathed."
She Immediately tainted. He starts up
as amazed. and calls for help. The maid
runs 10 the closet. He chafes her face,
bends her forward, and beats the palms OF
her hands; her commissions increase ; and
down she S umbles on the floor, where she
lies quito load in spite of what the whole
family from the nursery to the kitchen,
could do for her relief.
While every servant was :here helping
or lamenting their mistress, he fixing his
cheek to hers, seemed to be following in a
trance Of sorroW; but secretly whispers
her:
"My dear, this will never do: what is
within my power and fortune you may al
ways command; but none of your articles;
you are quite in other hands than those
you passed these pretty passions upon"
This made her almost in the condition
she pretended her eOnvulsions DOW came
thicker. nor was she to be held down. The
kind man doubles his care; helps the ser
wants to throw water in her face by full
and when the sinking part of the
again:
"Well. my DEAR" said he, 1 applaud
you for your actions; but l must take my
leave of you till you are more sincere with
me; farewell forever; you shall always
know where TO hear of me, and want for
nothing.
With that be ordered her maids to keep
her with hartshorn, while he wen
for q physician ; he was scarce at the stair
head when she followed. and pulling him
into a closet, thanked him for her cure
which was so absolute that she gave me
this relation herself, to be communicated
for the benef. of all the voluntary invalids
Of her sex.