Daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.]) 1859-1865, 1862-11-12
KHEELTNGsVA. WEDNESDAY MORNING. NOVEMBER p 1862 :


| Still on he went, until the carpet was all
up from around the edges but when he
tried to drag it away on his shoulder, it
was fast sOmewheres yet. R-r-rum-
bum-boom went the thunder and says
the infuriated offspring, says he; "WeII,
never did see such blundering old dad
as you be. Well be ketched in the rain as
sure as grasshoppers; and all becaase you
didn't take my advice about the hammer in
the first place" Tue poor old 'un tugged,
and pulled, and painted, and says he:
"Well, that Is curious, swun TO massey.
There can't be no tacks way out in the
middle of the floor here, can they? To
make sure, the old blind-pate was going
down on his knees to take mouse-eye
view, when all of sudden he gave start,
aud he says, says he: "Why, pears to me,
Sammy, your stGndiH' on fhe caTpet yoar-
SeLfp' And so he Was-so he was, says the
Honest Abe, smiling into the IRE, " and
that was the reason why the carpet had
stuck fast in SO many places"
"Now," says the Honest Abe. pOking the
Democratic chap in the ribs with bis
knuckles; "if your organization wants me
to move vigorously in this war, tell them
not to be standing on my carpet all the
time Otherwise, must still keep taekiug
about"
oA the same Tuesday, my boy, there was
a small election in a town just this side of
Accomac, and went down there early in
the morning, to the Office of an excellent
independent evening journal, that might
see the returns as soon as they came in
The editor was talking to two chaps-a
Republican and Democrat-and, says he:
1.-THE organ which my human talents
keeps going is strictly independent, and
have no choice of candidates, care only
for my country, Que aud individual" says
the editor, tOuchingly, sand can make no
arbitrary discrimination of mere parties
but as you both advertise your tickets in
my moral Journal, a sense of duty may in
duce me to favor the side whose advertise
ment weighs the most. ~
After this gentle insinuation, my boy
each chap hastily commenced to write his
| advertisement. The republican inscribed
his upon Gerry heavy piese of brown
| WrappingpaPer to make IL Weighty bot The
democrat selected a plain bit of foolscap,
only putting in hundred Treasury Note
to keep it from blotting.
| When the editor came to look at the two,
he coughed slightly, aud says he: 81 have
always been a Democrat"
"But my advertisement certainly weighs
the most" says the Republican chap,
hotIy. ar
The editor ate a chestnut, and says be
"Not in an intellectual sense. my friend"
"My paper is twice as heavy as his"
says the chap ''and as to the Treasury
Note, had some scruples-"
"ThereI" says the editor, interruptiugly,
"you tell the whole story, my friend. In
the temple of free and reliable press, as
well as elsewhere, some scruPles bear very
little proportion in weight to one hundred
weight" il-f
The American press, my boy, might oc-
casionally adopt as an appropriate motto,
the present Napoleou's observation, that
npEmpire c'est Ia PAY"
Turning from lntellectual matters, let
me glance at our country's hope and pride,
the Mackerel Brigade, each member Of
whom feels confident of ultimately crush
ing out the hideous Rebellion as soon as
national strategy shall have revealed the
present whereabouts of the affrighted Con-
federacy. Last week, my boy, the Brigade
moved gorgeously from Accomac, headed
by the band, who played exciting strains
upon his nightkey bugle; and was only
fired upon from the windows of wayside
houses by helpless women, against whom
the United States of America do not make
war. tau If. .ls
Woman, my boy, is the most helpless of
Gods creatures and is far from having
power to help any other being, that she
even can't help being herself, sometimes.
The sun shone brightly down upon the
spectacles of the ancient Mackerels as they
once more took the road toward Paris; aud
as the light was reflected from the glisIen.
ing glasses upon the carmine noses OF
which they were astride, it seemed as
though each warrior had a rose in the
middle of his cnuntenance to symbOlize the
beautiful idea, that they had all arose for
their distracted couutry's preservation.
Captain William Brown, mounted on his
geometrical steed, Enclid, was conyersiug
afably with Captain Bob Shorty as they
rode along together when a Lieutenant of
1.-The Anatomical Cavalry came 1ashing to-
ward him, and says he: il--
"Capting, there's something missing from
the rear.guard."
William assumed thoughtful demeauor,
and says he: ''It is miss FIRE ~
''NO," says the Lieutenant, agitatedIy,
but we miss two" H-
mot baggage wagous2" says William,
giving such q start that Euclid nearly fell
upon his knees ''don't tell me that two
wagons are missing" ar 1F
''Why So" says the Lieutenant, with
emotion, "Ifs not two wagons that we miss,
but two Brigadiers." % ela''. siss
"Ahl' says William, fauuiug himself
with his cap. allow you alarmed ME.
thought at first that it was two wagons
Let the procession go on, and I'll send for
two more Brigs the next time / have 4
friend going to Washington"
1t would please me, my boy, to detail the
further movements Of TIE Maekerels, but
the cause Of strategy demands that 1
should say no more on the topic just at pre-
sent.
The beloved General Of the Maekerel
Brigade was at Washington when be heard
of the advance which his enemies would
pretend he did not direct in person, and
says he to the messenger:
care my gallant children ready for
6ght2" t-
"Much so,' says the messenger.
as the weather clear, my child ~