Urbana union. [volume] (Urbana, Ohio) 1862-1872, 1862-05-14

/ ginning to believe, my boy, that what IS 10 be
will be as what has been has. Though with
out my gothic charger Pegasus, that symmet-
ricaI racer having been borrowed for a writ
ing-desk by a Secretary of the Frontierior,
am enabled to keep up communications with
the Mackerel corpse dammes down the river,
and ten thousand Star-Spangled Banners
fash through my veins as I relate the recent
great artillery expedition of the Orange Coun-
ty Howitzers.
1t seems, my boy, that an intellectual
member of the Mackerel Brigade got tired of
investing Yorktown, and wandered away in
pursuit OF adventure. As he pereginated in
the neighbOrhood of Rebel domicil, he be-
held what he took for the bird of our country,
stalking out of the burnyard, and was taking
measures to confscate it, when the proprietor
made his appearance, and says he:
Hessian, spare that goose"
The Mackerel' chap gave tragic start, and
says he:
'Tis the eagle I would rescue, HoratiO; the
bird celebrated by my brother, the Congress
man, in all his speeches"
"Well," says the foul traitor, it is un-
doubtedly what the Congressman takes for an
Eagle, as I am aware that Congressmen gen
orally treat the American Eagle as if it were
a goose; but as that gander happens to be-
long to one of the very First Families Of Vir-
ginia, and cost me four shilings, it becomes
my painful duty to resist your habeas corpus
act" And with that, be drove the beautiful
bird into the barnyard, and locked the gate.
Fired to fury by this insult from one of
those whom our army had come 10 protect,
the Mackerel chap went Immediately back to
quarters, and appealed to his comrades for
vengeance.
That gifted officer, Samyule Sa-nith, heard
his burning words, and says he: The can
non of the Union shall speak in this matter.
Let the Orange County Howitzers get ready
for action, and will lead them against the
Philistine."
Instantly arose the notes of dreadful prep
aration, the guns were modified, six English
gentlemen in the hosiery were invi-
ted to view the coming battle, and just as the
moon rose above the trees, the artillery start
ed for the Rebel stronghold.
Arriving before the offending house, the
Howitzers were place in line, and all got ready
for the Commandment It was just possible,
my boy, that two men might have marched
into that house and captured the misguided
Confederacy without slaughter. You may be
unable to see what use there was in bringing
artillery and forming in line Of battle; but you
are very ignorant, my boy; you know nothing
about strategy and war.
"Soldiers, says Samyule," " remember that
the eyes of the whole world are upon you at
this moment, endeavor to hit the house as
often as possible. We will fire one round
without ball" says samyule, "to see if tie
pow der is 6rst-class."
Now it Glanced that while the leading up |
was going on, the gallant Lieutenant Lemons
got his legs wonderfully entangled in thelen-
yard of his piece, and kept turning the how
itzer around in a manner strongly expressive
of nervous agitation. Suddenly he stepped
across to where Samyule was standing, and
whispered in his ear:
80, Sc" says Samyule, kindly, "you
were educated at West Point, and want to
know which end of the cannon ought to be
pointed at the enemy. Well" says Samyule,
mstructively, "you'd better point the end
with hole in it."
Everything being in readiness my boy, the !
combined battery launched its thunders on
the sir, creating great sensation in the
neighboring henroosts, thus causing large
rooster te fall from branch in the midst Of
his refreshing slumbers.
Now that powder has sustained its repu-
tation," says Samyule, impressively, 'let,the
two-inch balls be hurled at the enemy's
works, ,"
As the house was full ten yards of, this
second discharge failed to hit; but it brought
the Southern Confederacy to the window in
his night-cap, and says he:
"There's no use of my trying to sleepi you
chaps keep making such a noise down there"
Unhappy man" says Samyule, solemnly,
1--WE come here to reduce you, and viii list
en- to nothing but an unconditional surrender"
The Confederacy gaped, and says he: @I'm
very sleepy, and can't talk to you now; and
I'll call over in the morning" And he shut
the window and went back to bed. A frown
was observed to steal over the face of Sam
yule. He has a peculiar countenance, my
boy, and frown affects it strangely. Take
his mouth and mustaches together, and they
remind you Of mouse summing himself on the
edge of his hole; and when the frown comes
on, the mouse acts as though he had stOm-
ach ache
Comrades" says Samyule, " the enemy
requires another round, and we must do It on
the square Firel''
Like four-and-twenty thunder-storms the
Howitzers roared together, and had not the Or
ange County veterans forgotten to put in any
balls there is reason to believe that some
windows would have been broken. Another
discharge however, was more successful, as ,
it knocked the top or the chimney.
The Confederacy appeared at the window
again, and says he:
!