The Alleghanian. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1859-1865, 1862-10-09
Kentucky Conservatism.


Upon quitting the Strawberry Festival,
returned post haste again to Paris where
| arrived just in time to start with Capt
| Bob Shorty and a company from the
Comic Section of the Mackerel Brigade
on foraging expedition We went to
look up few straw beds for the feeding
of the Anatomical Cavalry horses, my
| boy, and the conservative Kentucky chap
went along to see that we did not
violate the constitution nor the rights Of
! man.
at is my opinion, comrade," says Capt.
Bob Shorty, as we started outfits my
opinion, my Union ranger, that this here
unnatural war is getting worked down to
very fine point when we can't go out
for an armful of forage without taking the
Constitution along on an ass" 81 think"
says Capt. Rob Shorty, ''that the Consti-
tuition is as much out of place here as
! set of fancy harness would be in a drove
of wild buffaloes"
Can such be the case, my boy-can
such be the case? Then did our revolu-
tionary forefathers live in vain.
Having moved along in gorgeous cav
alcade until about noon, we stopped at
the house of a First Family of Virginia,
who were ust going to dinner. Captain
Bob Shorty ordered the Mackerels to
stack arms and draw canteens in front of
the door yard, and then we entered the
domicil and sa.uted the domestic meeting
III the dining room.
1--WE come, sir" says Bob, addressing
the high minded chivalry at the head of
the house, ''to ask you if you have any
old straw beds that you don't want, that
could be used by the cavalry Of the United
States of America"
The chivalry only paused long enough
- throw couple of pie plates at Us, aud
then says he:
care you accursed Abolitiouists 2"
The Kentucky conservative chap step
ped hastily forward, and says he:
"No, my dear sir, we're the conserva-
tive elements
The chivalry's venerable wife, who was
female Southern Confederacy, leaned
back little in her chair, so that her little
son could see to throw Il tea cup at me
and says she:
GU amt Tribune reporters be yon p
We were all noes and ayes. Quite a
feature was that IN socical intercourse,
my boy.
The aged chivalry caused three fresh
chairs to be placed at the table, and hav-
ing failed to discharge the fowling piece
which he had pointed at Captain Bob
Shorty, by reason of dampness in the cap,
he waved us to seats, and says he:
''Sit down, poor hirelings of gorilla
despot. and learn what it is to taste the
hospitality of Southern gentleman. You
Lincoln hordes." says the chivalry, sha-
king his white locks, you have come to
butcher the Southern Contederacy; but
the Southern gentleman knows how to be
courteous, even to vandal foe"
Here the chivalry switched out a cane
which he had concealed behind him, and
made blow at Captain Bob Shorty.
''See here. p says Bob, Indignantly, 'I'll
be"
flush says the conservative Ken
tuchy chap, asitatedly, ''don't irritate the
old patriarch, or the future amieable
reconstruction of the Union will be out of
the question. He is naturally "a little
provoked just now," says the Kentucky
chap, soothingly, "5ut we must show him
that we are his friends
W all SAT uONfi III peace oI IHe HcS pr
table board, my boy, only few sweet po-
tatoes and corn-cobs being thrown by the
children, and found the fare 10 be in keep
ing with the situation OF our distracted
country-I may say, warfare.
sin consequence of the blockade of the
Washington Ape says the chivslry,
pleasantly, 1--WE only have one course, you
see but even these last years sweet pota-
toes must be luxuries to mercenary mud
sills accustomed to husks"
had just reached out my plate, to be
helped, my boy when there came great
noise from The Mackerels in the front
dooryard.
What's that ?" says Bob Shorty.
40, nothing" says the female Confcd-
eracy, taking another bite of hoecdke,
.I've only told one of the servants to
throw some hot water on your reptile
hirelings."
As Captain Bob Shorty turned to thank
her for her explanation, and while his
plate was extended to be helped, the aged
chivalry fired pistol at him across the
table, the ball just grazing his head aud
entering the wall behind him.
..By all that is blue y says Captain
Bob Shorty excitedly, "now III be
.'Be calm, now be calm, says the con