The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1862-04-19
ss From the N. Y. Sunday Mercury.
ORPHEUSC. KERR ON STRATEGY.

80 From the N. Y. Sunday Mercury.
ORPHEUSC. KERR ON STRATEGY.
The good society here in Washington, my
boy, which consists principally of N. P.
Willis, is in deep affliction at the departure
of so many shoulder straps for Manassas,
and will 60 into hasty decline if few for
eign counts do not arrive by next steamer.
Private letters from Europe say that the
barber shop business on the continent is too
good this season to permit many distin-
gushed dukes to visit America now, though
the fact that a few of the French nobility
have recently discharged their coschmen
may lead us to hope for few Orleans counts
during the summer.
The most interesting natural curiosity
here, next to Secretary Welles's beard, is the
Office of the Secretary ofthe Interior. Gov
cred with spider webs, and clothed in the
dust of ages, my boy, sit the Secretary and
his clerks, like so many respectable mum
mics in neglected pyramid. The Depart
ment of the Interior. my boys is in hu-
morous condition: the sales of public lands
for the past year amount to about ten shil-
lings, the only buyer being conservative
Dutchman from New jersey, who hasn't
heard of the war yet.
These things weigh. upon my spirit, and
was glad to order up my gothic stallion,
Pegasus, the other day, and rattle down to
Manassas once more. $3.50 ISL .,e...s
Upon reaching that celebrated field of
Mars, my boy, l found the General of the
MackereI Brigade in his tent, surrounded by
photographic instruments and railroad maps,
while the Comic Section was drawn up in
line outside. Il sl s-ii n ht14
"You appear to be much absorbed, my
venerable Spartan, says l to the General.
as l handled the diaphanous vessel he was
using as an act-drop in the theatef of war.
Tie General frowned like an obdurates
parent refusing TO let his only daughter
marry a coal-heayer.s and says he:" dis
I'm absorbed in strategy. Eighteen
months ago l was informed by a contraband
that sixty thousand unnatural rebels were
entrenched somewhere near here, and hav-
ing returned the contrabaud to his master
to be Immediately shot. Iaresolyed to over
whelm the rebels by strategy. ThunderH'
says the General, perspiring like pitcher
of ice-water in June, eff there's anything
equal to diplomacy it's strategy. And now,'.
says the General. sternly, ''it's my duty to
order you to write nothing about this to the
papers. You write about my movements;
the papers publish it, and are sent here; my
Adjutant takes the papers to the rebels, and
80. you see, my plans are all Known /
have no choice but To suppress you.,' M !.
"But, says !, .'you might more surely
keep the news from the rebels by arresting
the Adjutant"
''Thunderl" says the General. al never
thought of that BEFORE
Great men, my boy, are never so great
but that they can profit occasionally by a
suggestion from the humblest of, the sDe-
cies. l once knew a very great man who
went home in shower, and was Mortified
at discovering that he could not get his
umbrella through the front door. He was
very great man, understood Sanscrit,
made speeches that nobody could compre-
bend, and had relatives in Beacon street, Bos-
ton. There he stood in the rain, my boy,
pushing his umbrella this way and that way,
turning it endways and sideways, holding
it at acute angles and obtuse angles; but
still it wouldn't go through the door or any
thing like,it. By-and-by there came along
a chap of humble attainments, who sung
out: 7 II
whats the mater, old three and-six-
pence ?y s5tsa.s4 80 .ssasd =
The great man turned pantingly around.
and says he:
"Ah. my friend. cannot get my nmbrel.
la into the house. I've been trying for half
an hour to wedge it through the door; but
l can't get it through, and know not how to
act.'' lra ;as-sE . a1kss1eaxs 2le |
The humble chap stood under the gas
light, my boy, end By the CLEANS tbereof
his mouth was seen to pucker loaferishly. |
'HeV you tried the Experiment Of shut
ting up fhatair umbrella Essays he.g 81 4
The great man gave q start, and says be:
''Per Jovem didn't think to do that" |
And heshus his umbrellas and went in peace
The Comic Section wac TO make its great
tain BoS s6orl1 and led Sy , saaf f. gsp
warrior, it set out at twilight Onward
tramped the heroes, according to Hardee,
far sE1nyfk Al. hour and tE,s&, ff1ax, rna nhad