Cleveland morning leader. [volume] (Cleveland [Ohio]) 1854-1865, 1862-06-28

Fss sss ssss'EElEs Essr ss ssFSa nh.n. y .1s s srr M

RRey Letter from Orphsps g, Kerr.
Not wishing TO expire prematurely Of in
anity my boy, / started last Sunday for
Paris, where took up my quarters with a
dignihed conservative chap from the Bor-
der States who came on for the express
purpose Of informing the Executive that
Kentucky is determined this war shall be
carried on without detriment to the mate
rial interests Of the South, otherwise Ken
tucky viii not be ansWerable for herself
Kentucky has married into the South and
has relations there which she refuses to
sacrifice, What does the Constitution say
about Kentucky? Why, it don't say any
thing about her. Which is clear proof"
says the conservative chap, violently, "that
Kentucky is expected TO take care Of her
self Kentucky" says he buttoning his
vest over the handle Of his bowie knife
Kentucky viii stand no nonsense what
sOmever.n
have much respect for Kentucky, my
hoyi they play good hand Of Old Sledge
there and train up child in the way be
should 60 fifty better but Kentucky re-
minds me Of a chap I once knew in the
1sv Sixth Ward. This chap hired a room with
another chap, and the two we're engaged
In the dollar-jewelry business Their
stock in trade was more numerous than
valuable, my boy, and man couldn't steal
u
dle but the two dilapidaries were all the
time afraid Of thieves, and at last when
gentleman Of suspicious aspect moved into
the lower part Of the house, and favored
his familiar conversation with such terms
as asHswag,n "kinchin,p and 'eoppers," the
second chap insisted on buying q watch
dog. The first chap said he didn't like
dogs, but If his partner thought they d bet
ter have one, he would not object to his
buying it. The second chap bought sa-
gRcious animal in white and yellow, my
. boy-an animal covered with bark that
pealed of in large pieces all night long
The first chap found he couldn't sleep very
much, and says he:
"If you don't kill that ere stentorian
beast you and viii have to dissolve part
nership.n
His partner took a thoughtful chew of
tobacco, and says he;
"That intelligent dorg is a defending Of
your property as well as mine and if we
put up with his strains little while long
sr, the chap down stairs win understand
the hint and make friends
With that the first chap famed up and
says he; p b. s.
al sold breast-pin to the chap down
stairs the other day, and found out that he
considers the dollar jewelry business the
same by nature as his own. I'm beginning
70 think we misjudged him, and can't
have any dog kept here to worry him. Our
lease Of these here premises don't say any
thing about keeping dog" says the chap
rehectiTely, " nor our articles Of pardner-
snip; and refuse to sanction the dog any
longer"
So the dog was sent to the pound, my
ca boy, and that same night the burglarious
gentleman down stairs walked of with the
dollar jewelry, in company with the first
chap, leaving the poor second chap to make
himself uselessly disagreeable at the po-
lice office, and set up an apple stand for
support.
Far be it from me, my boy, to say that
certain Border States are like the first
ehapi but if Uncle Sam should happen to
be the second chap let him hold on to the
Watchdog.
- Speaking Of dogs, must tell you shout
g felieitoUs canine incident that occurred
while was at Paris. Early one morning
the Kentucky chap and I were awakened
BY q great noise in the hall outside Of our
door. Presently an aged and reliable con-
traband stuck his head into the room, and
says he: ~
al golly, mars'rs, dar's big fight gwine
on in dis var place.
s1 Atthe word, my boy, we both sprang up
and went TO the door, from whence we be-
held one of those occurrences but too com
mon in this dreadful war Of brother against
brother.
-r-r. Face to face in the hall stood my frescoed
dog, Bologna, and the regimental cat, Lord
Id Mortimer eyeing each other with looks Of
deadly hatred and embittered animosity.
High in air curved the back Of the enraged
Mortimer, and his whiskers worked with
intense wrath whilst the eloquent tail Of
the infuriated Bologna shot into the atmos-
phere like q living flagstaff.
"0h-h-hl How now p calculated Bo-
ognagthrowing out his nose to reconnoitre
the enemy's first line.
a2Sdeathl-sdeathIn hastily retorted
Mortimer, skirmishing along his first par
aIlel with spasmodic clawing,
And now, my boy, commenced series
. Of scientific man0uVres that only Russell
t Of the London Times could describe prop
erly Lord Mortimer advanced circularly
70 the attack in four columns, affrighting
the air with horrid yells Of defiance; and
noticed with feeling ofmysterious awe,
. that his eyes had turned q dreadful and
living green, whilst an expression Of in
expressible bitterness overspread his eoun-
tsnanee.
Fatboming the enemy plan at glance,
Bologna presented his front and rear divi-
sions alternately to distract the FIRE Of the
foei and then, by rapid and skilful
Mortimers tail from the main body.
This reminds me Of General Mitehells
i lastiots, my boy. t
Here the conservative Kentucky chap
wanted to stop the fight Says hesm
&c Mortimer viii be forever alienated if
be loses any more of his tail ! protest
against the dogs teeth says he; for
they'll render future reconciliation between
"a the two impossible. Let him use his paws
alone says the conservative chap, reason
ing 6and he won't injure Mortimers con-
stitution 80 much,
aTou're too late with your talk about
Cancellation, my noble Cicero says ].
g It's the cats nature 10 show affection for
his young ones, even BY licking them, and
& Mortimer viii never be convinced that Bo-
logna cares for him until he has been
soundly licked By him.
~ Ah-well,n says the Kentucky chap,
vaguely, let hostilities proceed"
r1 Finding that the enemy had cut off q
portion Of his train in the rear, Mortimer
quickly massed his four columns and pre-
eipitated them upon the head Of Bologna's
two front divisions, succeeded in destroy
ing bark half launched, and driving him
back four feet.
81 Hurroar for Mortimer y says the Ken
tncky chap; and then he burst into the
Conservative Virginia Naticnal Anthem
88 .John smifhs body lies lnsouideFng in the
s7-,sssi-, ,bs. 1s,.sboBsss ,ss,.Ad her fstberis