Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1862-03-22
Correspondence of the Sunday Mercury from Wash
shington. ~" .f-
LETTER FROM ORPHEUs c.
kEAR.
Nc CIelians Anaconda-WeW Wife Of the
Southern Contederacy.

EDITOR I. I. There is still. much lin
gual gymnastics, my boy, concerning the
receipt tete sAam.p pate Ut the White House j;
bitCof Wobers Wo5inson of the Western
Cavalry has extinguisled the grumbers
by proving that the entertainment was
strictly Constitutional. He profoundly
observes, my boy, that it comes under the
head Of that clause OF the Constitution
which secures to the people of America
the pursuit Of bappiness,' and. as he
justly remarks, if you stop the pursuit Of
happiness" where's the Instrument OF our
Liber,ies2
1t pleases me greatly to announce. my
boy, that the General Of the MackeraI
Brigade believes III Mcclellan. and gorge.
ously deteuds him against the attacks Of
,ha. portion OF depraved press which
has friends dying Of old age in the army
Of the Potomac. -. - .f..
Thunder y says he to Captain Bob
Shorty, stirring the Oath in his tumber
with tooth brush, the way little Mac. is
devoting himself to the military ouelching
Of this here unnatural rebellion is actu-
ally ou,raging to his physical nature lie
the river every five minutes, studies inter.
national law six hours before dinner, takes
soundngs of the mud every time the dew
falls, and takes so little sleep that there's
two inches Of dust on his cyeballs. "Would
you believe it, says the General, placing
his tunbler over his uose to keep off q fly,
= hi. devotion is such that his hair is turn.
ing gray, and he will probably dye!'
Captain Bob Shorty whis,ied. do not
mean to say that he Intended to be musi-
cally satirical, iny boy but if should
hear such canary bird remark. after
had told a story, somebody would 60 home
with his eyes done up in ralHbows.
Permit me, says Captain Boo Shorty,
hurling what remained oil the Oath into
| tho aperture under his mustache. on
extraordinary, continued Captain Shorty,
! dresmingly !" but he don't come up to IA
chap once knew who was an editor. Talk
about devotion aud outraged na,ure!' says
Sflain Bob Shorty, spitting with exfa,s
| ite accuracy into the eyes OF the regiment
al cat, why, that ere editor threw body
aud soul, and breeches into his work and
so coup 'e,ely identified himself with u
Tree and enlighted press, that his first child
was a ns,cs boy"
The General Of the Mackerel Brigade
arose from his seat, my oy, wound . his
watch, brushed of his boots, threw the ca,
ous of the window, and then says 'e:
4" Robert the name OF Shor y, did
| you ever read in the Bible about Ananias,
who was struck dead for telling tele-
| graph?'
" | heard about him." says Captain Bob
Shorty, "when | was but an innocent
lamb, and wore my mothers slipper on
my back about as often as she wore it on
| her foot
"Well." says the General, with the air
Of a thoughtful, " Its my opinion that If
you been Ananias,' the same streak Of
lightning would have buried you aud paid
the sexton
From this logical and vivid conversation,
my boy, you will understand that our lead
ing military men have a perfect faith in
the genius OF Mcclellan, anu tieve he is
J equal to fifty yards Of the Star Spangled
banner. HIS great Anaconda has gath
! cred in circle around the doomed rabbit
of rebellion if the raobit swels he is a
goner.
This great Anaconda. my boy, may re-
mind your readers Of an Anaconda once
seen by chap OF my acquaintance. living
in the Sixth Ward. This chap, nv boy,
came tearing into place where they kept
the Oath on tap, aud says he:
= I've just seen au Anaconda down
Broadway
"Anna who? ?" says red.nosed Alder
man, dipping his finger into the water on
the stove to see il it was warm enough to
melt some brandy.refned sugar.
;" said Anaconda, you ignorant cuss,"
says the chap. .4
''Ah,' says the Alderman, " somebody 8
been stiiin' you" -a.
No, SIR saws the chap; but some
body's been s,uiin' the Anaconda, though"
He'd been 10 the Museum.
II there should be among your unlortu.
nate readers, my boy. any person of such
depraved minds as to perceive likeness
between this Anaconda and that Anacon.
da, may they be sent to For. Lafayette,
and compelled to read Tupper's poems un.
Ill the rabbit Of rebellion is reduced to his
last quarter. e@ .@@5
"Early this morning couple Of snuff.
coie.ed pickets brought a female Southern
Confederacy into camp, stating that she
had called them nasty things. and spit all
over their guns. She said she wanted to
zee the loathsome creature that command
cd them, aud her eyes flashed so when
they took her by the arms, that her vail
took fro twice, aud her eyebrows smoked
repeatedly.
The General Of the Mackerel Brigade
received her courteously, only poking her
in ths ribs to see IL she had any Armstrong
guns concealed about her. Says he
Have l the honor Of addressing the
wife Of the Southern Confederacy ?"
The female Confrdcracy drew herself up
rs proudly as Fir.t Family of Virginia
when the butchers bin comes to be paid,
! end splisd in soprano Of srea. compass.