The weekly pioneer and Democrat. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. Territory) 1855-1865, 1862-05-23
Pull Armstrong---Pull Admit
rally.
A PROBABLE CHRONOLOGY-FROM The
LONDON PUNCH.

1860. Mr.. Armstrong OF Newcastle
upon-Tyne, invents rided ordnance that
will knock any ship to pieces. He is
knjghted and the Admiralty is benighted
1861 The Admiralty RECEIVERS and in-
vents iron ships that resist any known cam
non balls.
1862. Sir William Armstrong invents a
gun that smashes the iron ships into black
smithereens. The Admiralty collapses.
1868. The Admiralty re.expands and in
vents platipa ships fastened with diamond
cement, and Sir William Armstrong; balls
fly to pieces like bon-bons.
Mr.. Gladstone douo the income tax.
1864. Sir William Armstrong invents
brazen thunderboIts, supposed to be the
original Jupiters), and in pleasing exper'
iment, sends the greater part OF the British
feet to the bottom OF the sea.
1865 The Admiralty invents torpedo yes.
sells which sail under water, and below any
range OF guns. Sir William Armstrong
tears biz hair and swears in the Newcastle
dialect.
1866. Sir William Armstrong invents a
vertical gun that discharges Greek fire
straight down, and a second time he de.
stroyed greater part of the British feet.
The Lords of the Admiralty are about to
bang themselves, when thought strikes
them, and they don't.
Mr.. Gladstone again doubles the income
tax.
1867. DR.. Cumming, who has for some
weeks been having in his Goals by the sack
only, suddenly proclaims the millennium.
AS there is now to be peace everywhere,
the Admiralty does not invent anything but
waits to see.
In order to test DR.. Cummings veracity,
and to find out whether lions Will lie down
with kids, the Geological Society against
the advice of their excellent secretary, Mr..
Sciater) let loose their biggest lion while a
charity school is in the gardens. AS the
lion, instead of lying down with the kid,
only lies down to digest him, the Admiralty
thinks there is some mistake somewhere, and
determines to invent new feet.
MIR. Gladstone once more doubles the in.
come tax.
1868. The Admiralty mveuts stone
feet, with cork keels, and de6es Sir William
Armstrong.
1869. Sir William Armstrong invents
the, Hannibal, or Alp-shell, which contains
the strongest vinegar, and melts the stone
ships. Having Tor the third time destroyed
the British feet, he is raised to the peerage
as Lord Bomb.
1870. The Admiralty invents an aerial
feet, which sails in the clouds, out of shot
range, and the First Lord takes double
a.,
Mr.. Gladstone fourth time doubles the
income tax.
1871. Lord Bomb invents balloon bat
tering train, and in an experimental dis
charge brings down all the British feet
into the German Ocean.
1872. The Admiralty, in DESPERATION,
invents subterranean feet, whid is to
be conveyed by tunnels to all the CLONES,
but Mr.. Gladstone blandly SUCCESS that
as everybody now pays twice bis inc,me in
taxes, the people may object to further i'm.
posts unless some proof of economy is
given.
Government therefore stop the pensi,ns
OF hundred superanuated clerks, discharge
some extra night porters at the Treasury,
| and bring in estimates for the subterranetn
feet.
1873. Lord Bomb invents bis typheom,
or earthquake shells, and sufocates tie
British fleet in the Tasmania tunnel.
Mr.. Gladstone filth time doubles the
income tax
1874. The Emperor of the French pro.
claims the millennium, which of course inn
mediately occurs, no more war ships are
wanted, and the collectors remit Ihe quar-
ter's income tax not yet due. Lord Bomb
invents his volcano fireworks in honor of
the occasion, and by some accident burns
up the public.