Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1862-01-31
WRITTEN BY HERSELF.
TCoNTINUED.1

how have longed to see those children. |
dream about them nights. l hear their
baby words, and feel the clinging hold of
their little fingers and then l wake to re-
member that perchance they do not even
know that their father lives to pray for
them. But, Gertrude, their love would not
be enough to fill up the voids in my life.
have felt this more than ever since / knew
you, and more than ever have pitied Kath-
crime in her lonely, blighted youth.
GAIL this time, Gertrude, had no thought
Of obtruding upon you. had no right.
To man of honor his VOWS are as sacred
in the untold wretchedness of an uncon-
genial marriage as if happiness had made
It impossible to have a wandering wish. l
believe myself incapable of breaking mine,
even in thought. There was no reasonable
ground on which the law could give me
freedom. The release which is granted to
crime is denied to misery. Even were it
otherwise l should not have sought it.
had always horror of divorce, and not for
worlds would have entailed its disgraceful
publicity upon my children. Freedom
could come to me but in one way, and God
knows, even when l have been tempted al
most beyond my strength, | never have
been mad enough or wicked enough to wish
for that.
"When l had visited here for while
found could not stay away. Your society
had become a necessity to me. l believed
you my friend merely, but l discovered
that friendship was very sweet. At last
the knowledge forced itself home that l
loved you with all the strength Of my ma.
ture. This love had stolen upon me so
gradually, and now seemed so much part
Of my life, that could scarcely chide my
self. Had this been all, think you would
never have heard the history I have told
you. l would have schooled myself TO taste
calmly the dangerous delight of your pres
ence; and when this was no longer possible
you should have seen me no more. But in
the same hour that the conviction of my
love fer you was brought home to my soul,
| discovered also that l had in my power to
win your heart. had a strange feeling as
it, in the native country of souls, yours and
siine had grown together. l believed had
power TO summon my other self to my side
Nay, / thought, unconsciously to yourself
you did love me now. Forgive me, Ger
trude. l know that 1 am speaking to you
as man does not often TO woman but in this
hour there is no room for disguise or con-
cealment. | read your heart as l had read
my own. Then knew my duty. l must
tell you all, that you might understand how
hopeless was my future-that you might
conquer your coming agony before it was
too mighty for you. l believe some men
would have been tempted to keep silence,
and strive still to win your love; but, thank
God, was left open to no such temptation.
More than yourself priced the stainless
purity Of your heart and life; dearer even
TO me than my love was my unsullied in
tegrity, by which only could l call myself
my peer. have told you all. Do you for
give me that 1 took for granted your love
for me?"
could not speak, but reached acrosss
the table which stood between US and laid
my hand in his. Then for while we were
both silent He spoke first:
"Gertrude, l shall never talk of these
things again. / have shown you for this
once all that is in my heart. In return l
have q right to make but one request 1
have wealth; let me use some of it for you.
can not bear to see you toiling day by day
for your daily bread. While 1 have
enough and to spare, you shall not, you
must not wear out your young life in this
drudgery. If you we're my sister you
would let me help you. Am | not as near
to you as a brother? Does not my love
give me as much right as brothers claim?
Do not be angry, Gertrude. l hardly know
how to utter my petition so as not to wound
you. beg only for this. Let me make a
home for you among congenial people; let
me surround you with the common comforts
Of life; let me feel that you are at least
above and beyond the necessity of toll
Then | will submit to any thing else. If
you prefer, will never see you; or, if you
will let me visit you sometimes l will
ask only for your friendship-the sympa-
thy you would give suffering anywhere"
He paused, but read an appeal in his
face, fuller Of earnestness even than his
words. l never for one moment doubted
his honor or his heart. l kne,o that he re-
spected me as deeply as he had loved me
that his care for me would be tender as
that of brother for sister. But l was
my fathers daughter. had my own pride
TO satisfy also. I could not accept
pecuniary obligation even for him. Nay,
less readily from him than from any other,
because loved him. But did not wish to
answer him then. / had my arrange.
ments to make-my future TO settle.
would tell him in a week, said, not now.
| was too tired--too much exhausted.
Would he leave me, and not come again for
one Week-then he should know. He must
give me time to think.
He obeyed me. He only held my hand
for moment, and then he went.
"Good-by, and God be with youm l said,
as he stepped out into the moonlight. He
did not know that in my heart meant that
farewell to be the last utterance of my
lips to him, until we should meet again
where victor souls learn the triumphal an
them Of the angels.
/ went back into the room where had
met this last and bitterest sorrow of my
life. Soon my plan for the future was
shadoWed forth in my mind. Then had a
right to think over all that Andrew Lincoln
had said. l reveTenced him unspeakably.
Little as ] knew of human nature, re-
alized-l had read Jane EJTe-the ease
with which he might have deceived me. |
knew he loved me with love as true and
tender as the pen of the romancers had ever
portrayed. How blessed him that it had
been no selfish passion-that his love for
truth and right had been mightier. And
yet-answer me heart of every woman
who shall read this tale-was my trial light?
Because Of his very goodness, because
could reverence his image in my soul and
look up TO ii as almost without taint or flaw
Of human imperfection, was it not all the
harder to know that between us swept the
tide mstanees-remorseles as death,
pitiless as destiny?
And yet in the midst of my desolation,