The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1862-08-21
\ Probable Chronology.

1860. Mr.. Armstrong, Of Observation-Disclosures.
inyents rIled ordnance that will knock any ship
to pieces. lie Il knighted and the Admiralty Is
benighted. 1851. The Admiralty RECEIVERS, and
inyents iron ships that resist any known cannon
balls. 1862. CIR William Armstrong inyents Il
gun that smashes the iron ships into blacksmith
Greens. The Admiralty c~ollapses. 1868. The
Admiralty re-cxTands and inyents platina ships
fastened with diamond cement, and Sir William
Armstrong; balls fly to pieces like bOn-bons.
Mr.. Gladstone doubles the income-taN. 1864.
Sir lillian Armstrong inyents braZcn thunder
bolts Supposed to be original Jupiter's) and in
u pleasing experiment sends the greater part oi
the British fleet To the bottom OF the sea. 1860.
The Admiralty inyents torpedo vessels which sail
under water, and below amy range of guns. Sir
William Armstrong tears his hair and swears in
the Newcastle dialect. 1866. Sir William Arm
strong inyeHts a vertical gun that discharges
Greek fire straight down, and Il second time he
destroys the greater part Of the British fleet.
The lords Of the Admiralty are about to hang
themselves, when Il thought strikes them, and
they don't. Mr.. Gladstone again doubles the in
come tax. 1867. Or. Cumming, who has for
some weeks been having in his Goals by the sack
only, suddenly rroclaims the millennium. As
there Is now to be- peace everywhere, the Admit
rally does not invent anything, but waits to see.
In order u test DIR. Cummings veracity. and to
find out whether lions will lie down with kids,
the geological society against the advice of their
excellent secretary, Mr.. Selater.) 1T loose their
biggest lion while a charity school II in the tea
gardens. As the lion, instead oflying down with
Il kid. only lies down u digest him, the A.dmi-
rally thinks there l. some mistake somewhere and
determines u invent Il new Aeet. Mr.. Gladstone
once more doubles the income tax. lSUS. The
Admiralty inyents Il stone fleet. with cork keels,
and defes Sir William Armstrong. 1869. Sir
William Armstrong invents the Hannibal, or alp
shell, which contains the strongest vinegar, and
melts the stone ships. Having for the third time
destroyed tie British fleet. he is raised to the
peerage as Lord Bomb. 1870. The Admiralty
invcnts an erial fleet. which sails in the clouds.
out Of shot range, and the first lord takes a double
sight at Sir William Armstrong. Mr.. Gladstone
u fourth time doubles the income tax. 1871.
Lord Bomb Inventsa balloon battering-trtin and
in an experimental discharge brings down all the
British fleet into the German Ocean. 1872. The
feet, which is to he conveyed hv tunnels 10 all
that. as everybody now pays twice his income
unless some proof of economy Is given. Govern
ment, therefore, stops the pensions Of 100 super
animated clerks, discharges some extra night ror-
tiers at the Treasury, and brings in estimates for
the suhterranean fleet. 1873. Lord Bomb in
vents his typhaeons, or eaIrhquake-shells and
sulIocates the British fleet in the Tasmania Tun-
mel. Mr.. Gladstone Il fifth time doubles the
iuSome-tax. 1874. The Emperor of the French
the Millennium, which, of course, imme-
diately occurs; no more w~ar-ships are wanted,
and the collectors remit the quarters income tax
not vet due. Lord Bomb invents his volcano
fireworks in honor Of the occasion, and by some
accident burns up the public.-Lond0n Puach.