Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-03-06
NOT OPPOSED TO T. ATRIMoNY.

NOI OffOoED ~ AIhiAbN I.
"Is your family opposed to matrimo-
nyf" visitor asked tow headed boy,
who was swinging on gate and eating
gingerbread.
"wal, no. I rather guess not. seein,
as bow my mother had four husbands,
an stands . pretty smart chance for
having another"
"Four husbandst Is 1t possibleT'
"ob, yes. You see my mothers
christened name was Mehitable Sheets,
and when they got married the printers
said it was putting the sheets to press.
When ] was born they said I was the
first edition. An you see, mother
used TO be the tarnslist critter to 60 TO
evenin' meetin's. She used to go out
pretty late every night. an dad was
afraid I'D get in the same habit, so he
used to put me to bed at early candle
light. cover me with pillar, an put
me to sleep with q boot-jaek. Wal dad
had got up every night an let mother
in. II be didn't get down and open the
door pretty darned quick when she
cum. he'd keteh particular thunder
So dad used to sleep with his head out
of the vinder, SOS to wake mp quick,
an one night he got his head too far out
an he slipped out altogether; and down
dad cum, cafumnix right down on the
pavement, an smashed him in ten thou
sand pieces"
"Whatl-was he killed by the fall?''
"Wal, no. not exactly by the fall.
rayther kinder sorter guess as how il
was the sudden fetch up on the pave.
ment that killed him. But nam she
cum hum an found him layin' thar. an
she had him swept up together an put
in coffin. an had bole dug in the
buryin' ground. an had dad put in an
buried up. an had white oak planl
put up to his head an had it white
washed all over for a tomb stone"
SO your mother was left poor lont
widow?'
Wal. yes. but as she didn't mind tha
much, it wasn't long before she mar
ried Sam Hide. You see she married
Hide because he was just dads size
and she wanted him to wear out dads
old clothes. The way old Hide us-d t.
hide me was caution to my hide
Hide had little the toughest hide o
any hide except bulls hide. and tht
way Hide used to hide away liquor in
his hide was a caution to BULBS hide
Wal. one cold day old Hide got his hide
so full of whisky that he pitched head
first into a snow bank, an there stucl
an frez to death. So nam had hin
pulled out an had him laid out, an
then she bad another buryin' GROUND
an had him buried; and she had ano
ther white oak plank put up at his head
and white-wsshed all over, an
SO your mother was again widow
ooh, yes, but guess she didn't lay
awake long to think about it, for il
about three weeks she married Johr
Strong--an' be was the strongest head
ed cuss you ever did see. He went 4
fishing the other day and got drowned
and he was so tarnal strong headed
I'll be darned to dsrnation if he didn'i
float right agin the current; and they
found him about three miles up the
stream, and it took three yoke of cattle
to haul him out. Wal, nam had him
buried aside of 'tother two, and had q
white oak plank put up at his head and
white washed all over nice, so there's
three on 'em all in row.
And your mother was a widow for
the third timer
yes, but nam didn't seem to mind
it tarnal sight. The next fellow she
married was Jacob Hayes, and the way
nam does make him haze is a caution,
now 1 tell you. If he does anything a
little out of the way, nam makes him
take a bucket and a vhite-wash brush
and go right up to the buryin' ground
and white-wssh the three old planks
Just to let him know what he may come
to when she's planted him in the
same row. and get married to her fifth
husband. So you see my family AIM
tarnal sight opposed to dose of ma.
trimony.
The visitor thought she was not. and
the conversation dropped.