davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

TROUBLED WITH Hun, R.-An applicant
for exemption on account Of physical disabl-
ity, informed the examining physician that
he vas troubled with heart disease. The
doctor told him to run up and down the
stairs leading to his office once or twice
The applicant did this when the physician,
after listening to the motions of the heart,
said: "lou will pass, sir; a dollar, if you
please But, DOCTOR said the man,
"let me run down stairs once more, and
then try me" The doctor asSented, the
man ran down stairs-aud- forgot to come
back.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17
McGREG0R, IOWA, WEDNESDAY, DEC. II, 1862

Gregor seemed to have dressed herself
anew. SO great was the change in her ap-
pearance. New buildings and improve
ments Of various kinds, had added much
to its appearance.
One day sufficcd to make the transit
from McGresor to Milwaukee, where a: the
Ncwhall | of course had my ply steal wants
supplied, and was ready next morning for
Chicago, at which place arrived in due
time, and found myself in the midst of the
hum and hustle Of the western metropolis.
| have gone into "wintcr quarters at the
Stewart House, corner Of Washington and
State street, Dorr d. Hoyic, formerly Of
McGregor proprietor, and would say if
you wish good hotel, a quiet boarding
house, or to make the acquaintance of a
"Bully' good fellow, go to the Stewart
House every time.
More Anon, NJ. Z. c.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

SovLs MlsPLACED.-Mrs. Xii kland, writ
inc Of those ,ncn and women who seem to
have got each others attributes the men
having the soctncss of woman, the women
the roughness of man, said, "in these cases
the neutral body has only to be laid aside
by its deceasc Tor the spirit to assert its
latent sexual,y; so that many woman
who has gone to sleep on this side of Jor-
dan in short gown and pcttlcoat, will wake
up by mere spiritual gravitatlon Oh the
other side in corduroys and top boots; and
many man who has lain down in coat and
pantaloons, will in Ike manner come to his
true srlf-consciou>ness in petticoat and curl
papers -
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

HOME PoLlrENEss.-W need is there
OF courtesy at home? Why should | stop
to be polite t. those am with all the
time? They ought to know that | feel
kindly toward them takethat for granted and
not to mind the little ovcrsishts in manner
and act Bat home cannot do this. Its
lte rests upon little things. Because it
knows Your love it demands the expression
Of it, and when that expression goes out
spontaneously to others, it cannot bat sigh.
The heart is always a little jealous, and we
mast have Il care that We do not unwilling
! " rouse its iieicer fires. Besides, think
the decay of courtesy ia families, the alb
s2uce of ordinary civility toward each 9th
er, the suspension OF little charities, is
something worse than carelesSness.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

ONES ENOUGH FOR lIlM-A middle aged
farmer aud his wife were enjoying an eve
ming together, when the conversation
turned upon religious matters as described
ia thc Bible, whicn the man had opened
before HIM "Wife,' said the farmer, "lve
been thinking what happy society Solomon
must have had in his day, with 50 nany
wives, as is rrpresentcd.'
"Iudeed" replied the wife, somewhat
mlfftd, "you had better think OF something
else, then. y pretty Solomon yoss would
make-why you can't take proper care o!
one wife. What figure go" would cut
then, with a dozen wives, and all of them
as spunky as am. -
The farmer took his hat and went to the
stable to feed the cattle for the night.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

s75y" \ judge Of the court Of sessions,
well known for speaking his mother tongue
in its brOadest accent, as well on the bench
as in common discourse, on particular oc-
cason was addressed hy barrister, equal
ly as noted for the elegance and purity Of
his style as his lordship was the reverse.
who oI cncl the case for his client in tho
following words:
My lord, the pursucr, my client, is an
itincrant violin player"
"What's that - said his lordship. rs
that what yc- ca blin' tiddlcr:'
"TMyarIy so called,' said the lawyer
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17
Poetry.
For the Times.
UNCLE SANS MULE.
BY A PLAYRD-oUr WARRIOR.

BY PLAYRp-oUr WARRIOR.
In muddy ditch by a deep mcraas,
Government mule lay breathing his last,
With harness all geared, and waiting for DEATH
The grim drivers summons to pull his last breath.
right hearty chap he was when enlisted;
And took his scant rations Of hay una ssisted-
Stood up to the rack like pat riot true,
And his body. by weting, was red, white and blue!
At evening. of't.times, his days labor over.
Would he positively dre,m OF his mule-aga Of clover
But his sweet tho Is would grow and un.candied
When he gazcd on his end and the a. So here branded
o! Abe, why did you allow the Contractor
To disngurs me thus like . base malefac.or!
You nail me for liis''I don't it" faint fair
The compnc was 'three years, or during the wsr.'
You've ahrowed' me, Abe, Tine gone up the spout
I get nary furloush, and bounty's played out
Promotions uIcert ain IL work fer no pay
Amt this patriotic! Pray tell mel brsyl
But now al! his sighs and complainings are oe'r,
And the lash Of the driver shall goad him more ;
For he's passd in his checks, has finished his work,
llas pulled his last load OF shingles and pork.
There none who will miss his elongated face,
Another is ready to pull in his place,
And the train will move on, and The soldiers be fed
And no tears for the Government mule that is dead
MORAL:
Ah my bold sojer boy tho thy hard bread is tough
Thy 'sow-bely worse, and 'shoulder-straps' rough,
Take this sweet consolation, and done feel cruel
For tho both ates, you outrank the muel
+. G. D., Sd Iowa Init, Bolivar, Tenn.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

4 HARD HIT Henry Ward Beecher has
lately been pitching into TIE practice Of
working railroad conductors and drivers on
Sunday. The other day, Mr. Beecher, in
his peculiar way, was making inquiries Of 1t
Brooklyn conductor, to whom he was un-
known, as to whether the Sunday riding
could not be broken up. "Ithink it might"
SAID the conductor, "tut for that coulound-
ed fellow, Bcccher. So many Of the fancy
people from all parts visit his establish
mant, that it makes the road profitable
If he would only shut up, the thing could
be done"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

- Infinite toll would not enable you
t. sweep away a mist but, by ascending
a little, you may often overlook it altogeth-
cr. So it is with our moral improvement.
We wreStle iiercely with q yicions habit,
which would have no hold on US if we rs
cended into higher moral atmospheric
AS have heard suggested, it is by adding
to our good purposes, and nourishing the
affections which are rightly placed, that We
shall be able to combat the bad one.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

UNION-BATTL
Adapted to the popular air "Andeste Fideles," Or
"Iortugese Hymn.' aud pectfuily dedicated to the
brave Defenders OF our Country:
Mid the battles horror
That fills our land with
We humbly raise our voices unto Thee, Oh Lord
CHORUS God of Creation.
Helper Of nation,
What Thou hast joined. oh never
Let human Treason sever,
But be our Guide forever
Our Lord and King!
That tries u nations power.
And seals the future fate OF millions yet unborn.
Has treason bereft US
or what fathers left us.
And shall tamely bow unto the traitors rule!
By the blood that bought us
Well guard our sacred banner while star yet remains
Souls OF heroes DER US.
Are joining in our chorus,
As onward marching unto triumph or death.
or our faults scnvict us,
For sins atf u,
But spare our blessed Union, Oh Lerd, we implore
CHORUS: God of Creation,
Helper Of our nation,
What Thou hast joined, oh never
Let human treas sever,
But be our Guide forever
Our Lord and King
II. CLAY PHEuss.
Washington, D. G.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

a SHARP REBvEE--The following is re-
ported as fact: A Louisville Union lady,
a few days ago, called upon seccsh lricnd.
ard felt compelled to listen to her trade
On rising to leave she noticed and praised
4 portrait o.! General George Washington,
whereupon the She rebel remarked, II in
tend to get fine portraits Of jeff Davis and
Beauresard, and hang one each side OF
that "Do,' said Union 1--WE :cad in tho
Bible that our Saviour was hung between
two lhcvcS.n
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

s1" peter, what are you doing to iha,
bor - said Il schoOinaster.
"He VIZ nted to know if you take ten
from seventeen, how nany will remain; so
took ten of his apples to show him, and
now he wants that should give 'em back
"Wcl, why don't you do it ~
cause he would forget how many was
left /"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

sg- While standing at q window around
which small group were gathered, an ice
cart passed by, when friend remarked to
our venerable Uncle Bill that "the ice com
pany reapcd very small harvest last win.
ter Turning TO the speaker. Uncle Bill
dryly asked. "Do they reap their harvests
with an icicte (icr sichleJ?"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

~ Said Pennsylvania recently, ~
sought the direction of Heaven and l heard
voice saying unto me Co. and was on
the point of going, when Gov. Curtin coun-
turmanded the order !"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

WAE FEAzEs. Josh Billings takes log
ikal va Of war lraZrs:
''On tn Richmond,' that is tn sa, if the
kuS>cd rebel, will allow it.
parallel lines" are them kind of lines
that never kun together.
military necessita,' 10 ofSers and a
gallon of - hiska to every , private>.
"Onluce the dogs Of war;" but muzzle
the darn kritterS, if you don't somcbody'lI
get hurt.
"Wac of cXtcrmn2 n2Shun"-thi| Erase be-
longs holry to the komi>era department.
"Advancc Gard'-thiS is gard tha
hav tn hav in our arma to keep our tellers
from pitchin' intu the enemy fruntwards.
"Rerc Gard''-this is gard tina hav tn
hav tn keep our teicrs, when tha are sur.
rounded, from pitchin' intu the enama
backwards.
"Awl quiet on the Pottcrmuck" this
shows what perfect suhjcc>hun our tellers
are under.
"pichets" these are chaps that are cent
out to borry turbacker of the cnama, and
tn see if the kusStd rebels has got a pass.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

~ \ onc-leggcd orator, named Jones,
was pretty successful in bantering an Irish
man, when the latter asked him,
''IEow did you lose your leg.''
"Well,' said Jones, ION examining my
pedigree aud looking upon my descent, |
found there was some Irish blood in me.
and becoming convinced it was all settled
in that left leg, had it cut off,
'Be the powcrS,' said Pat, "it I'D bin to
good thing If it ha! only settled in your
head
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

Snock.NG.-At - Springs, fashion
able watering place, recently guest was
discovered bathing his feet in the spring
one morning, which, as the water was used
on the hote! tables, caused great indigna-
ton among the boarders, and said guest
got fits from the two hundred ladies and
gentlemen. One young mias said she
guessed that was what gave the water its
peculiar healing qualities, but those who
did not see it in thnt Light ol.alallei
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

.5y- Such is the sociablehess Of music,
it conforms itself to all companies, both in
mirth and mourning; adapting Itself to
improving that passion with which it finds
the auditors most affected.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

- We should round every day Of stir
ring action with an evening Of thought
We learn nothing from our experiences un-
less we muse about them.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

.y' Diplomacy may work as much ca
lamity as a battle; n few ink.drops may
cos, a nation more misery and exhaustion
than 4 river of blood.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

~ "rhat STAR" says the venerable
Cannon, with smile Of angelic purity,
'is like any star on our flag; though clouds
may hide it in its ascending node, It is still
kuOwed to be ascending"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

TIE NATURAL WONDERS OF krNrucHY.-
The gcolt gcal formation of this state is
singular. Ponds with no visible inlet Or
outlet are very frequent. Holes in the
ground. called "sink holeS,' are very COM
men, and some Of these lead to the great
caves which abound in ibis region. Boys
pick up load-Stonc from the ground at most
any point. Surveyors are often troubled
from this cause. sink holes" extend into
the earth from two 10 three hundr, d feet,
with sometimes spring Or small stream at
the bottom. Two Of these, near Mumlorl-
vile, excite good deal of curiosity. One,
on an eminence called the Frcnchman's 5
knobb, has been descended two hundred
and seventy five feet without indications Of
bottom. Another, near the town, is
some seventy five feet in diameter at the
top, inclincs like tunnel to the depth Of
thirty feet At this point is an aperture
twelve feet in diameter, leading to an un.
known depth below A stone or -ock cast
in, returns no sound idicative Of having
found bottom. Near the same place is Il
spring that rises some twelve iGchrs at noon
every day with as great regularity as the
sun reaches the zenith.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

sy- "Wel, George" asked a friend Of
il young lawyer, chow do you find your
profession 2" Alas, sir, find my pre-
lession better than my practice
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

W (Handing the surgeon 4 quartrrD
"Thanh you, sir. | knew | was entitled
to certificate. Rhi> rebellion, SO wicked
and monStrouS, must be put down. 1t has
done my heart good to see the energy Of
the President in ordering draft
= lie reads the certificate and faints.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

A Little of Everything.
An abstract deed--uaving your tooth
, drawn.
Many sin away shame instead Of being
ashamed of sin
Curious facts in natural history The
Uottcntots stand heat better than Coolies.
Old boys have their pIaythngs as well
as young ones; the chief difference is in
the price.
-Ifa pair oflovcrs were to bc sure their
match was made in Heaven, let them get
married in a balloon.
The literature Of the day is all Of mill
tary character Some stores advertise "!Iar-
dee on Tact;cs,' others "Ale on Draft"
A lady not many miles from Locl;port,
in speaking Of a soldier i'll one of the New
York regiments who vas wounded in bat
tie, said, "he was killed, and wounded and
missing, bat the last we heard, he was get
ting better
The latest "lIartforl Proliic' is de-
veloped in the character Of Mrs. O'Ne,ll, a
fair haired, rosy woman Of about th;.ty. two
"to hAS bC'ii Hiit'iie'i just ifIitctI SetlS
and who has just thirteen children. Once
there we're tripets born to her, and four
times she had twins.
A poor child put to bed by his mother
on winty night in a heap Of sbavings
with an unilingcd door for his coverIid,
looked up and said, 'MotiHr, ii is not eve
ry child that has a door to cover him
this cold night SO our soldiers have
learned to be thankful for things which they
never thought Of before.
--Eoltairc was one day speaking warmly
in praise of the physician Halter, in pres
cnce Of a person who was living in his
house. "Ah, SIR said the person, III NJ
llallcr would speak Of your works as you
speak Of his" "Possbly we are both ms,
tikcn," replied Voltaire.
In Ralph Waldo Emcrson's Essays
on "Napolecn,' we read in substance thus :
"He was a thief. He did mean things. lie
pincled ladies' checks. He was rude in
the extreme. He listened to others secrets
He peeped through keyhoics.' Yes. and
to this last, the great cssayiSt might have
added that Napoleon once ran his toll at
the bridge of Lodi.
-"Do you know" said Augustus to Ju
lia, as he lifted up a strong piece of lace that
she was knitting, that this is to me all
black - as it, indccd:' replied she !;
You don't say 50. Why - Julia felt
that she must ask why, "Because,' said
he. Il see it is crow shade The awful
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

T AIDES aud lisse- Goat and Lasting Balmorals
1 Calf Goat. Kid aud Morocco Bootees, Lasting
CATERS Glove Kid Congro Boots. Fine SLIPPERS, &c
&c. H.S BOof SAoE eioNE-
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

~ A bad old age is death, without
deaths quiet.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

They ave patterns on hand to ht most all OF the
Mill Ge.rings OF the country, AMI have superior IA
ciiitss lor doing all work promptly.
They solicit basine>s of the citizens o. western
Wisconsin, northern Iowa and southern Minne'ota,
in the irm belief they can fl all orders promptly
neatly, and economically to the people.
Prairie du Chien, July l6, lS62tf
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17
UNION HOUSE,
btroet, -. '...e.... .... .NcUVVROr,
Rowland e .IOMR6.

Late of the Western House. prcprietors. This House
has recently been refueI and is centrally located
with good barns. &C. The propretors will spare no
pains to make this pleasant home for the
travelling public. 3lj
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17
G. F. REMICK,
] attorney at LNaU.
lA1ee over State Bank. McGregor, Iowa. 3l4
FLANDERS House,
MASONIC.

..N DszER LopGs No. l35. OF Free and
cA[rNns Accepted Mason hold it's regular
Sc[NNN Comm unication. Monday Evening.
<NhA on or before the full moon in each
1zazlRS0 month"; d. BtUGIi, W. NJ.
T<~ q. s. c. SCoTT, S'sr.tary, 3o6
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17
HENRY HOUSE,

tL,te Saniuskv lInusc) I. Henry. Proprietor.-
Thi. House ha bean thoroughly cleaned and r'fttei
Every ntten.inn will be paid to guests Good stahling
on 20 nrs niss aal careful hostiers only employed
May 2sth. 1862.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17

a Little of Everything.
An abstract deed--uaving your tooth
drawn.
Many sin away shame instead Of being
ashamed of sin
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-17
8nsiness @ireetury.


attorney and Counsellor at Lnr.
ONCE over state Bank. MrGrrg r. Iowa. viii rras-
tice In the Supreme and Dctrc Courts Of this State.
3l6tf.-
I1NInN IInIHGE
Hammond gazette. [volume] (Point Lookout, Md.) 1862-1864, 1862-12-30
r.rsToF OFFICERS ANDpATIENTs.

LIST OF OFFICERS ANDpATIENTS'
The following is list of the officers and
nOn-commissioned officers now on duty in the
military and medical department at misplace:
Commandment Mai JoHS CARTER BRowS.
0uavteymaster---Capt A. EDWARDS.
Conmsssayy---Capt. j. IL. Lucas.
sSasvgeon in Charge---CLrNToN WAGNER,
Asst. Surgeon, u. 8 A.
Assistamt Sargeons---W. Fl. GARDNER,
u. s. A., s. S. MuLFoRD, U. s. Vol.
Acting asst. Surgeons---T Ell. ALLISON,
@. L. HoGEBooM, A. SToNELAKE, GEo.
JOHNSON, J. SrEAREs, JAMES w. DIaBY,
THEoDoRE LrEBoLD, G.. A. CHEsLEY.
Chaplaim---Rev j. A. SPooNER.
Medical Cddets---E. B. s. SHOEMAKER,
J. 8. LOMBARD.
HospitoI Stepards----JAcoB NEBHIcH,
Chief Steward, III. G. ARCHIBALD, j. P.
GrAmBAUaH, II. L. WERNwAa.
The following is list Of the sick and
wounded soldiers now in the Hammond Gen.
sral Hospital;
PENNSYLVANIA.
Sgt ] Larkey COS, cor Scott lls, sgt R
Crernar LOG, @ Craleman II lib M 7 Pease
81, J Murphy Fl 1l6, ] Carr 81, sgt Scott
a. 10 Re-, j Shader A 10 Res cor D Swiney
70, JMcCarron 81, 3 McGinnis L 81, G w pantin
Era Crauston "a, X Hemmer L ~, cor
l. G Bacon F 70, r Patterson d 49, corp
stever do, J Kerr X l34, Dawson 70, Bear
n 127. M Auchmertg 49, H Dell do, ] Lines
Ksl, 3 Jenning B 1873, G Morris do, r Ma
cher do, j Fl Hess do N McElcarr do, H Mellor
do. n kaufman do, Il Sechler l3l, s g Moore
DO, A Stradley do, d Orr ia, West
81, J penkerton A l3A, cor Cummings y
as 2 Hagerty do, ] Shingledecker A l34 Wv
Jordan q ss. W Lumbert q 1874, @ s Cunning
ham A do, g McCashin A do, cor W
Shafer do sgt G Moon do, sgt G f Sach-
senheimer 81, ] B Lukens do, cor d Demo do,
WI Myers 1885, P r Singer Fl l27, Ellis d
69. J w Miller ID l2T, T Longaker n, NJ "
McCill - Res, w Martin G 81, j Holdman A
lac, L Hensell liz, T B Ruth D l29, c Bloom
3 do, A Krouse do, sgt Body do, Mid
dleton Il lie, J Fink F 11S, II Steiner G do F
Ludlin do, Fl Wilson do, G Baughman
lao, u G Morehead do, A A Mills K LOG, Bruner
q 81, Maloney 1o6, NJ Honts G 81, R Grogan
TX log. NJ Kenton do, Brady d u, G Marks ID
Isl. X A Kithner do, A Redgonan D ia, D
Stefnbergen d l3l sgt w Kennedy A do, o
Reed l33, ] Walch G lie, ] Watson K 100,
III 6 Martin IL Res, G Gallagher &c. sgt II
McCray A i45, Irving do, T Ryan loo,
u MCainnis l3A, w Young de-, H Beoilkam-
mer n 90, s Fleck B l33, cor G Fisher A do,
sgt wv Mitchell do, NJ Lewis do, d How
ard do, Larrinson do, A Rosing G l34, ] F
White do, Esty "a, w Flickinger G 1873, T
Milligan III do, w K Miller G do, R Hench do,
Bloom 10, A Tresher 1856, Carey d l63,
8 8 Schoch Isl, ] II Louis do, w L Carpenter
b. Smith i31, Fl Bennington do, II
Hartman do, III w Mates do, d G Sehive do,
Z p.nne.hox u 10 " ~ Genaharlino dc N
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1849-1865, 1862-06-16
& Sight that Saw.

Once when | was . little girl, a poor old
drunkard lived in sight of my fathers
house. His wife had been well raised and
vas still refined, notwithstanding the mise
r. and wretchecDess that surrounded her.
They had q little boy named George,
who was very siekly, and mother used to
send me- with biscuit and coffee for his
breakfast, Poor little George he was as
gentle as q Iau,b, though he looked the
picture of death. His mother was too
feeble TO procure him any comforts, and
his father would oct but still, he never
complained he loved MS mother too much
for that.
Ooee, when George had just recovered
frol0 q severe illness, his mother was Ia
ken sick, and was very low for many weeks.
At last she began to recover and one dav
when she was Just able 10 walk about, az