The southern aegis, and Harford County intelligencer., 1862-08-02

sent me- A Teller by the name of Adams
fetched it, and he wouldn't take any pay
for his trubbel either. [ asked him eff he
was any relashin to Phil Adams, who
used to keep tan yard in Downingville,
as he was very clever man, and used to
do enything for his naybors for nothin.-
The chap laughed rite out loud at this,
and sed che didn't see it." Ses I, "what
don't you see?' "Wal," sed he, "never
mind, old feller, about tellin long stories,
but jest put your name rite down there"
and he handed out big book full of
writin. Ses I, "Mr. Adams, I never put
my name to enything that don't under
stand. Uses I, "that may be secesh
dockyment for all 1 know" Ses the fel-
Ter, ses he, "Git out this is only re-
ceipt for that BOTTLE" oval" ses l, "ef
that's all, then here goes" So 1 got my
Spectacles and quill pen, for neve rite
with any of the new tangled kinds, and I
rote out "Majer Jack Downing" in stile
that made the Teller stare. Ses l, "Mr.
Adams, you have some awful poor r1ters
among the fellers you deal with, but [
amt ashamed of that ritin eny where" -
The chap he looked at it moment and
then he locked at me, and finally ses he,
"Bully for you," and in jiffy he was off,
without even shakin hands or saying
good-by.
After he was gone I took the bottle in
to Linkin's room and opened it. Now,
ses I, "Kernel, let's try this Ticker"
"Wal," ses he, "Majer, Pm a good judge
of Boredom, for it comes from my old
State of Kentuck" Wen Linkin saw
the name on the bottle, "Mr. Cotton, 3O6
Washington street, N. "" ses he, "Ma-
jer, do you think that this is loyal wis
key p" "Why," ses I, "Kernel, what
makes you ask that questshin ?" "Wal,"
ses he, "don't you see the mans name is
Cotton" "Now," ses I, "Kernel, what
an idee that is Do you suppose it would
be dangerous for him to live down in Sc
cesh where they are burning cotton as fast
as they kim" oval, never mind the
name, Majer, let US taste of the wiskey.
l kin soon tell whether it's loyal or not"
So l opened the bottle and poured out
some, and the Kernel took good swig.
[ also took snifter, and we both pro-
nounced it A No. l Ticker, and loyal too.
"Now," ses l, "Kernel, can you tell me
why this wiskey is like the Constitushin
of the United States ?" 'No," ses he,
81 don't see any similarity" "Wal,"
ses |, "Kernel, this wiskey was made for
White Men, jest as the Constituship was"
Ses he, "Majer, how do you know it was
made for white men? "Wal," ses [,
''it is jest as plain to me as daylight
You see, Kernel, the ticker agrees with
you. It tastes good. 1t won't hurt you
in a word, it corresponds with natur-
That's sign it was made for you. Jest
so it is with the Constitushin. 1t applies
to white men exactly, and they've always
got along together with it fast rate. Now,
you give this wiskey to the niggers, and
they get drunk on it, and cut up all sorts
Of scrapes, but white men, whom it was
made for, know jest how to use it, and it
don't do them any hurt. Jest so with
the Constitushin; you apply it to niggers
and it is jest as bad for 'em as wiskey.-
They don't know how to use it, an they'll
destroy everything, an make themselves
an everybody else ten times worse off. -
"Wal,7 ses the Kernel, ses he, "Majer, [
wish I could see how it is. that the Consti-
tushin don't apply to niggers jest as much
as to white men, Ses |, "Kernel, you
don't look at the Constitushin thru Con-
stitushinal spectacles. That Chicago
Platform bothers you. Now" ses r.,
.Kernel, eff I'll make you q Constitushin-
al Telliskope, will you promise me to use
Iii? Ii you will, it will be about as good
guide to you as ef / staid here all sum
mer myself" Ses I, cit will show you
the Constitushin as it is, and the Union
as it was'o Wen | spoke Of this, Linz
kin said he'd be tickled enamost to
death eff would make him one. So T
told him I could do it in one day, and
that although | was very anxus to get
hum, yet I'D fix this up before | started.
So I jest went up to my room and began
ito plan. | had q pair of old spectacles,
which Ginneral jackson give me, an /
knew that the glasses were jest as sound
constitushinal glasses as were ever looked
thru. So took 'em out of the cases, an
got magnifyin glass and put between
| sem, an fixed 'em in a long, narrer box.
IIt took me about all day before | got il
finished. Wen it was ali done, / looked
thru il, an you never see sech q glorious