Pomeroy weekly telegraph. [volume] (Pomeroy, Meigs County, Ohio) 1860-1866, 1862-02-28
He Goeth a Skating.

Right beneath one of our windows,
from morn till midnight, we see young
sters and oldsters twisting their legs in
all conceivable shapes, skating up and
down the river, as merry as lambs. We
cannot pick up paper but an article on
"skating" meets the eye. Everybody
says its fun, and that's all everybody
knows about it, for W, We tried it. Last
night about gas-light time, after read
ing glowing description of life on
skates, we prepared for our first attempt,
and sailed forth to join the merry
| crowd. We had on pair of stoga
boots, trousers-legs tucked inside, and
A.ksxea = boy two shillings in good coin
4eg tiiS Sfeai4n for the use of his imple-
ments. We have confidence, even as
great as Peters faith. We, with the
assistance of a friend, fixed on the
skates, and stood erect like barber's
pole. Encouraged by the sight of some
ladies on the bridge, who were just then
looking at the skaters, we struck out
A slant to the right with the right foot
slant to the left with the left foot, and
just then We saw something ON the ice,
and stopped over to pick it up! On
our feet again-two slants to the right
and one to the left, accompanied with
loss of confidence. Another strike with
the right foot, and we sat down with
fearful rapidity, and very little if any
elegance! What a set down it was, for
we made dent in the ice not unlike a
Connecticut butter r-bowll
just then one of the ladies remarked,
"Oh, look, Mary, that feller with the
white hat amt got his skates on the
right plaee" Ditto, thought we. Just
then ragged little devil sang out, as
he glided past US, "Hallo, old timber
legs!' and we arose suddenly and put
after him, and away went our legs one
to the east, the other west, causing an
immense fssure in our pants and an
other picture of butter-tray in the
cold-oh, hoao coldi-ice! "Oh, look,
Mary, that chap with white hat has
set down on his handkerchief to keep
from taking cold!' We rose about as
gracefully as a saw horse, when Mary
said, Guess 'taint a handkerchief,
Jane, and Mary was right: 1t want a
haudkerchief-not bit Of it. just
then friend came along, and proffered
us his coat-tail as a ''steadier." We
accepted the continuation of his gar
ment, and up the river we went, about
ten rods, when shy to the right by the
leader, caused US, the wheel horse, to
scoot off on tangent, heels up! But
the ice is very cold this seasonl
We tried it again. A glide one way
"a glide and half the other, when
whack came our bump of philoprogen-
itiveness on the ice, and we saw mil
lion of stars dancing around us, like
ballet girls at the Bowery Theatre
How that shock went through our sys-
TEN, and up and down our special
column. lightning couldn't have cork
screwed it down a creased sapling with
a greater speed or more exhilarating ef-
feet. Boarding house butter nor war
ranty deed could have struck stronger
than we did-aud dozen ladies looked
at us-aud our fssured pants!
"Halloo, old cock!" sang out that
ragged imp again, and we were helpless!
Soon we got up and made another trial
with better success. Perhaps we had
skated, in our peculiar style, fifteen feet
when blundering chap came up behind
and we sat down with our tired head
pillowed in his lap, and he swearing at
US, when it was his fault! How cold the
ice was there too. Every spot where we
made our debut on the ice, oh how cold
it was! Our bear-skin drawers were nc
protection at all We tried again, fol
the papers all say it's fun, and down
came our Roman-Grecian nose on the
cold julep material, and the little drops
of crimson ran down our shirt bosom
and on to the cold ice.
Once more We tried skating-made
for the shore-sat down and counted
damages. Two shillings in cash thrown
away; seven lateral and one 'sfronterar
bumps on the ice; on immense 6ssurs
in as handsome pair of ten dollar
cassimeres as man ever put his legs in
one rupture on the knee, extending tt
the bone; four buttons from our vest; ;
fragmented watch crystal, and back
ache big enough to divide among thu
Children of Israel.
If you catch us on the smooth, CLASSY
chilling, freezing, treacherous, deceit
full, slippery aud slip-uppery ice again
you'll know it! If any one ever hear
of our skating again, they will pleas
draw on US at sight for the bivalves ant
accompanying documents. We hav
} got through skating. 1t is humbug
t It's vexation of spirit, of business, o
+ Aesh, and tearer of trowsers. It's
: head humping. back aching, leg weary
e ing institution, and we warn peopl
: against skating We tried it, and shan
u be able to walk for month. Skatin
: clubs are humbugs, and all the rascal
| youngsters wish to get the ladies at il
e that they may see-if they, too, don
e say ''the ice is dreadfully cold" It
e nothing to US, but the ladies will do a
e we'll to let skates alone, unless they ar
/, younger and more ella site than we are
i, Oh!how cold the ice is-we can feel
s yeti IHil.oankee Ne,cS
:, A Compassionate Judge.
s A compassionate judge in Texas, o
e passing sentence on John Jones, VIII
S had been convicted of murder, conclude
u his remarks as follows: 'The fact il
e Jones, that the court did not intend t
n order you to be executed before mex
spring; but the weather is very cold; ou
10 bn1 nou