The Cadiz Democratic sentinel. [volume] (Cadiz, Ohio) 1854-1864, 1862-03-26
How to steal n Feather Bed.

me much, and may interest some of
the readers Of Once Week.
A rustic who had spent all his mon-
eyin getting tipsy at rival establish
ment, came up to the landlord of the
Crooked Billet, and asked him to give
him some liquor-about the heighth Of
all possible insult to publican, and
so he of the Crooked Billet seemed to
think-but the tipsy one was not TO be
put of in a hurry; he continued his
opportunities, and for pint of cider,
he said he would impart-a most valu-
able secret. The landlord seemed ra-
ther to prick up his ears at this, and at
length consented to bestOw half pint,
on condition of "hearing something to
his advantage" and the liquor was
handed over and drained by the ap-
plicant.
"Now," said he, with confidential
air, and in stentorial whisper, 'next
time you ds steal a feather bed, Mars,
mind you goo down stairs wi um back
wards"
Great was the hosts indignation at
this second affront, but greater was my
curiosity to know the meaning of the
phrase employed; and inquiring of the
farmer in the inn, I obtained the fol.
lowing explanation:
There was, it seemed, at a village
some distance Of, surgeon who pri-
ded himself upon his acuteness, and
continually boasted that he had never
been done.
Now it happened one day that
scamp, who lived by his wits, was lurk
ing about the house on the lookout for
plumber, and having noticed the sur
gcon's wife set off for market, saw
presently the surgeon himself 60 out,
as he supposed to visit his PATIENTS
Him, likewise, he watched off the pre-
misses, and then, finding the coast clear,
stole in through the front door, and
walked up stairs to lay hands on what
ever seemed most eligible; the booty
selected was the feather bed; this he
took on his back and began descending
the stairs, with the precaution of COM
ing down backwards; he had got about
half way down, when in came the sur
geon again.
"ITallo! my man, where are YOU 60
ing with that bed?'
"Goan up stairs wi un, sir. There's
gentleman down to tn Rose and
Grown, sur, as says'is an old friend o
yours, just come for Ingcr; and cou-
nun to stop wi you, sur-comun up
hisself presently wi his luggage-and
he've sent up, sur, wi these yer bed"
II shall not admit it. / shall not
admit it. I don't know any such per-
son, and I'm not going to be imposed
upon-likely things, indeed, d'you
suppose any strrnger can come and
quarter himself upon me with a tale
like that? No, no, you 60 back, and
take the bed along, too, and give my
compliments to the gentleman and say
he's made some mistake, and | don't
know him"
"Well, sur, 'tis warm day, sur; and
make SO bold, sur, l hope you'll allow
me somat to drink
"Very well, | don't mind giving you
a glass to be rid Of the business-therc
now 60 back, and say as I've told
you"
OFF walked the rascal with his bur
den.
BY and by, returned Mrs. Surgeon,
and went up stairs to take off her bon
net; down she came again.
"Now my dear, always making some
alteration without consulting me; and
what have you done with thatnew fea-
ther bed?''
20, Lord!" said the wretehed man.
II see it all"
Pray what do you see, my dear?"
But enough. OF course the sur
geon's reputation for sharpness was
gone, and that was the approved way
Of stealing a feather bedin that neigh
borhood.-[Oncc Week.