davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06
Number SO.

the temporary cause, the large issue of
irredeemable paper BY the Govern
ment. f- a.r
| When any country is producing more
than ITS share, Of the currency, the sur
plus will be distributed throughout the
commercial world. This distribution is
ehected-like nearly ali the other oper-
aiions Of commerce--through the me-
dium Of prices. Currency is the mea-
sure Of values. When there is q great
deal Of currency in proportion to other
things, prices win generally be high
II prices are high in any country, that
country is good place to sell things,
and merchandise is consequently i'm
ported for sale; at the same time it is a
poor place to buy things for export. and
there is according an excess Of imports
over exports. leaving a balance to be
settled by the expectation Of specie
When it was seen, in 1849, that Cali
fornia would produce annually a large
amount Of gold, the writer OF this told
bis commercial friends, that as long as
we produced more than our. share of the
specie product of the world, the rate OF
exchange would be generally against
this country--enough of the time to
carry about the surplus over our share.
The currency Of the world is drawn to
its natural level all over the globe by a
law as universal and as irresistible as
the force of graTitation which levels the
water Of the sea.
The temporary csuse Of the outflow
Of gold is the excessive issues Of irre-
deemable paper by the Governments
Our currency is worth nothing TO
foreigners, while By our own people It is
as more valuable than any
hing which they have to sell, Specie,
On the other hand, is the only portion
Of our currency with which we can pay
our debts or purchase commodities in
,ther countries. Our specie, being
worth more for use in foreign commerce
han In domestic trade, is appropriated
% its most serviceable use; il is shipped
sbroad, This movement too is effected
through the medium Of prices. The
Canadian who brings drove Of horses
'or sale to our Government, as he can
not pass our paper money at home,
buys gold to take back with him. The.
putting up id prices brings q food of
imports from all quarters, making an
,xcess above our exports 10 be paid for
n specie.
At the present time we are exporting:
not merely the excess above Of our
share Of the California product, but
we are sending abroad large part of
The specie portion Of our currency;
This being displaced by. 4ihe Govern
ment paper SeienfJfe Aniertedn.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06

setting of boat, except the shirt an
vest Robert bad on at the time, whic
!. are still preserved as relics iu the family
Her health being now nearly re
stored, the physician had a long con
ference with the commanding officer G
the company in which Robert had sery
ed, and this was followed BY an prde
TO the youth to carry letter to Gene
raj Washington.
i Her worst fears we're now confirmed
From the time of her removal into th
doctors family, she had cherished
misgiviDg, which sometimes amounte,
almost to certainty, that he had dis
covered her deception, In converse
ton with him she snxiously watched
his copntenanee, but not q word or lool
indicated suspicion. And she had agair
fiattered herself that she was safe from
detection. When, then, the order came
for her to deliver letter into the hands
of the Commander-in-ehief, she could
no longer deceive herself.
There remained. no course but SIM
pie obedience. When she. presented
herself for admission at the ead,quar-
ters Of Washington, she trembled as
she never had done before the enemy's
FIRE. Her heart sunk within. her she
strove in vain to collect and compose
herself, and Overpowered with dread
and uncertainty, vas ushered into the
presence Of the Chief. He noticed her
extreme agitation. and surprising it to
proceed from difidence, kindly endeaE.
ored to re-assure her. He then babe
her retire with an attendant who was
directed to offer her some refreshment,
while he read the communication OF
which she had been the bearer.
Within a short time she was again
summoned into the presence of Wash.
ington. He said not word. but hand
ed her in silence a discharge from the
service, putting into her hand at the
same time note containing few brief
words Of advice, and a sum of money
sufficient to bear her expenses to some
place where she might find home
The delicacy and forbeararce thus OBJ
served affected her sensibly. How
thankful" she has often said, "was ] 10
that great and good man who so kindly
spared my feelings He saw me ready
to sink with shame one word from
him at that moment, would have crush
ed me to the earth. But he spoke no
word-and l blessed him for it,
After the termination Of the war, she
married Benjamin Gannett, Of Sharon.
When Washington was President, she
received a letter inviting Robert Shirt.
life, or rather Mrs. Gannelt, to visit the
seat Of government. Congress was then
In session, and during her stay at The
Capital, bill was passed granting her
a pension in addition TO certain lands,
which she was to receive as an acknowl-
edgment for her services to the country
in military capacity. She was invited
10 the boNses of several Of the officers,
and to parties given in the city-atteh-
tions which manifested the high esti-
nation in which she was held there.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06

A FRANK ADMIssIoN.--Billy Ross is
a great temperance lecturer. and at
Rushville Illinois, was preaching TO the
young on his favorite theme. He
said: .r..,.a
Now boys, when ask you ques-
ton you mustn't be afraid to speak right
out and answer me. When you look
around and see all these fine houses,
farms, and cattle, do you ever think
who owns them all now? Your fathers
own them, do they not? a,e
Yes, sir, shouted hundred voices.
Well, where will your fathers be in
twenty years from now? III -s..
Dead. shouted the boys. s--.
That's right. And who will own all
this property then? .r5-s a.iir
Us boys! shouted the urchins. y
Right. Now tell me--did you ever,
in going along the streets, notice the
drunkards lounging around the saloon
doors. waiting for somebody to treat
tbem9 .- a.. -s,.-
Yes sir, lots Of them! -.-.-
Well where will they be in twenty
years from now?
Dead, exclaimed the boys. iT
And who will be the drunkards them
Us 6oysi 5 f
Billy was thunder struck for a mo-
ment; but recovering himself, tried tc
tell the boys how to escape such fate
-Harper's Monthly.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06

want TO see you again, Mr. Starke. 81
"Not want to see me againt'' iona.
than's brown skin took an asby shade
aud his under jaw dropped. "See here,
deacon Scott, what's the meaning o.
all this7" 80
"Well. Mr.. Starke," said the wor.
thy deacon, "if you was gal, you
wouldn't like it very well to have your
feller send you box of paint and cos
metic stuff. Thank goodness, my Effie
don't need no such fixin's 10 make hel
look pretty, but
deacon, deaconl" calculated Jona-
than, "wasn't there two little cologne
bottles in gilt basket in that pack
age?"
"No," returned the deacon, "there
was paint and powder, and such like
things that women put on their faces,
sometimes. like silly geese. as they
are."
Jonathan sprang from his chair as
though there were spiral springs inside
of him.
Deacon, I've brought home the
wrong packagei" he halloaed -
"Where is it? Confound the old maid
at the drug store!"
The deacon was a man of few words
he merely pointed to parcel on the
table and smoked on. Perhaps after
all, bis women folks had been mistaken
he was a rustic philosopher, and
would wait the progress of events.
When the evening train returned to
Mil Hollow, it bore an impatient
youth with fllagree pannier of fancy
colognes.
Effie was out in the "door-yard"
looking after some gold-eyed crocuses,
which had poked their emerald spears
through the ground, as if determined
to lead the ranks of the flower army
She had heard the eldritch whistle of
the train, but of course she didn't con-
meet it in her mind with Jonathan's re-
turn. Why should she? Hadn't she
declared only the evening before, that
she never would speak 10 Jonathan
again? So she gardened away in the
level sunset beams, her brown hair
blowing about, and her cheeks beauti-
fully tinged with natures own rouge.
Suddenly strong arm was thrown
round her waist, and a voice whispered
softly:
"Effie, darling!"
"Why, Jonathan, is it you?"
eyes, and here is the true present l
bought for you. Pray, don't believe 1
ever intended that horrid box Of CO.'S
metics; but there was an old Jezebel of
a woman at the store, when | was buy
ing these things. and she got my parcel
and I hers. But it's all right now. e.
6e, if you will only forgive my stupid
blundering."
"How pretty-O, how pretty!" said
Efie, examining the dainty, cut-glass
bottles and their odorous contents, and
avoiding a direct answer to
Jonathan's words. "I am SO much
obliged to you"
"Then / am forgiven?"
"Of course you are, you stupid fel-
low," said Effie, archly.
"Well, then, Effie," said Jonathan,
drawing her still closer to him. and
speaking in lower accents yet, won't
YOU tell me when"
If the crocus stars, and the brown
robins in their nests above, heard the
conclusion of that sentence, they must
have bad sharper ears than we are gift
ed with. And the only fact by which
we are enabled to guess at the drift
thereof, is that Miss Effie Scott changed
her name to Effie Starke, within the
next three months. .
Jonathan still retains strong dislike
to visiting the city; he says ga mans
head gets so confused there, that he
can't tell whether he's buying cologne
bottle or a paint box" r
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06

HAND So FOtAfh.--Thete Is a5SSuaSg-
msp in the army who vas born jay 4,
at 4 o'clock p, NJ, at No. A in, q street
in Boston, 1914, 4ih child, has 4 Bdmes.
enlisted ID the Newton eoDpsby which
bas Joined the 4th battalion, 44ih Regi
ment, 4th company and on the 4th'
was appointed 4tR Corporals
and is now going torsS 70 defend the
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06

John Morgan Is bad example
But we hope our troops will follow him
We do not think that the South
while it has such a precious set o
"blades." need complain of the want o
weapons.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06

An Arkansas paper records the uaarE:,
rage Of rich While woman to C5ero ),
kee warrior. Perhaps they may get
along very wen togetber--shs hO5ping,
and he Whooping.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06

EE Such Of the hogs as are left be-:
tween Richmond tKy.J and Fort Big
Hill. are said to have been fattening
lately upon dead rebels. We doh't
think we shall buy our winters PorR
from that sectioil.-Lou. Jour.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06

RAu who have had iheir front,
teeth pulled out that they may not.
have 10 hgbt should have their hosesf
cut of that tkey may not even "smelf
the Battle from aiar."-Loa. J3af.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06

An editor says the only reason why
his house was not blown away during
the last gale, was because there was 4
heavy mortgage upon Il.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1862-11-06

Never lay too great stress on your
own usefulness, or perhaps God may
show you that he can do without you.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
BY TELEGRAPH.
Last Nights Report.
xxxvu CoMGREss-rmsr sEssroN
Washington. March %

Washington, March 90.
HousE.-Coal oil resulting from the
manufacture of Illuminating gas or it's re-
distlllation to be exempt from duty. The
tax Of cents per gallon on crude coal oil
or tar and other bituminous substances
used in like purposes and on crude petro-
lium and rock oil was stricken out. Oil
refined and produced by the distillation
Of coal exclusively is to be subject to
duty Of 8 cents per gallon. The next
clause was modified SO that spirits recti-
fed and mixed with other materials or
prepared in any way to be sold as whisky
should pay tax of Is cents per gallon.
and when soldas brandy, gin, wine, or by
any other name it shall pay 20 cents Der
gallon on the basis of the LIST proof, and
so on in proportion for any greater strength.
The tax Of cents on vinegar from mate
rails other than cider or wine were strick-
en- out. The tax on ground coffee and al
preparations Of which coffee forms part,
or which is prepared for sale as substi.
tute for coffee is reduced from l cent to
three mills per pound. Ground mustard
and sugar are exempt, taxed / cent per
pound. The committee struck ont 5 cts.
per pound on tobacco, leaf or stem un-
manufactured, and increased the tax from
. to 10 cents per pound on Cavendish to
bacco, plug, waste and manufactured Of
ell descriptions, not including eaaF, ei-
gars or prepared smoking tobacco. The
committee increased the tax on prepared
smoking tobacco to cents and on snuff
or tobacco ground dry or damp, of all de-
scriptions, except aromatic or medical
snug, to s cents per pound. The tax on
cigars remains as originally reparted.--
Gunpowder and all explosive substances
used for mining, blasting, artillery or
sporting purposes, valued at not exceed
ing IL cents per pound, to pay tax of 5
mills; not exceeding in value 10 cents, to
pay tax Of ! cent per pound; and when
valued at over SO cents. to pay tax of 6
cents per pound. Oxide of zinc and sui
phate OF borits, to pay tax per pound of
20 cents on the former and 10 on the hat
ter. The clause in regard to printing ink
and all other descriptions Of ink, fixing !
tax OF 3 per cent adyalorum was stricken
out. Corn brooms, wooden pals and
buckets; straw. palm-leaf and grass hats.
caps and bonnets; hats and caps Of fur,
ielt or WOOL glazed India rubber or six.
wholly Or in part; steel hoops aud skirts
OF metal or other material, al to pay
tax Of 3 per cent ad valorem. Amend
ments were made fixing the tax on ready
made clothing It per cent ad valorem,
and on umbrellas aud parasols at 5 per
cent. The tax on iron was fixed at SO to
70 cents per ton. according to its condi-
ton Of manufacture,
The committee arose and the House ad-
journsd.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
mar27 dim Capt. Of the Menono,a.

The OTHER SIDE.-Inan advertisement,
q " H. BRANDON, IN your paper, be says he bull.
the Young Eagle for the trade between Warsaw
Alexandria and Keokus, and finding she would
not answer for the trade, sold her out Of il. This
II false. Brandon sold his interest 10 ma for
round price The Young Eagle was built Joint
y by Henry Leyhe aud Brandon and placed in
the trade between Warsaw and keokuk, at time
when BRANDON had Withdrawn his boat and left
the trade altogether. Ii. Leyhe, one OF the build
ers Of the boat stil hollis an interest in her and
would respectfully solicit share Of our friends
patronage HENRY LEYHE,
Wa. LEYHE,
ALBERT WEMPNER.
j. w. BISHOP,
mar2s-dlm q X. SMITH
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
7~ s 49,
COMMERCIAL.

DAILY GATE CRY OsyIcsl
KEoK-x March 81 -.
FLoUR-supernDee 81 50: sprin " hsats xtra % o.
Fall Wheat Extra ~ IS.
BRAN ANDsHoRrs-soto 4Oc ' 100 ~
CORN-90c y bush.
BARLEY-25c.
wHEAT-ln good demand Fall F172; sprni 80
to Coo.
KYE-2Jc 10 %.
OATS-15c.
PoTAToEs-ls02oby the load, re,.il rs 70 soc.
sUGAR-New Orleans fair 100i1, prime li0
IL; clarified 1913; crushed and loaf 9f3A.
AoLAssEs-pian.ation $3.50; susarAoase &51sG
Golden Syrup 7os7sc.
COFFEE Rioell23c; Java % 900 Lssuyra2tOa6.
RIcE-0a l0c.
soAP-Paim &C. Family 5ke, German tcin.) ~
07tc.
cANDLEs-slar l51ls. stearins u, MouId 10.
LARD to lie; retail Cd
BuTTER-Common tate: Choice 10, retail laL Ql5
LEATHEk-Soie 2s32s: Harness2Sa30.
HIDEs-Dry Toto lee, green 4fto6; green sheep
peits esctSl Is green hog skins l5c.
HAY-Timothy. % o027 90, baled - OO0siI ;
Prairie ~ OOa5 90.
skEDs-Timothy 81 90; Flax Seed sloo.
oNIONs-aS440c.
EGGs--4 70 Sc.
WHITE BKANE--5Ocqae u %.
FEATHERs-2 O2a3.
FRUIT-Dris Apples 81 as0ei SOP bu.hei.-
Dried Peaches ~ a5a % So Raisins q oua rs ca.
cHEEsE-WesternR Reserve &c; Denmak sk07.
BEEF-38ahe gross.
sHEEP-4A 004 SOC y head.
HOGS-Dressed 2kE3c.
sALT-G. A. ~ so sack Kanawha "a Is bar
rel; Liverpools1 sog ~ 90 y sack; Lake % % =
Dbl.
FIsH-hackerel, No. elss0ls bbi No q IA
&Sl6+ No. S9ael0 White Fish, No. Is OOOas so
half Dbl. Cod Fish SOC y b.
RAGS--Wooen I Cotton &C.
OLD fRoN-h4xcv Brass Gdesc . n. COP.
per i04 l2he B..
ExcHNoE.-on New YORK Il per cent. bankabis
funds ; on St. Louis Tar lie funds, little demand .
on Chicago to per cent. Gold TO II buying 2 10
selling.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
Winchester, March 80.

VIHCHcbttT, NHTCH 20.
Secretary Seward, with party of his
friends. arrived here last night. and was
escorted from the cars to Gen. Shields,
headquarters, by the 18th Pennsylvania
regiment and Goth Ohio troop Of cav
airy. This morning the party, including
Gen. Shields. A. A. G. Strong and Col
Clark, Of Gen. Banks staff, Waited the
battle field Mr.. Seward and his friends
leave at IL o'clock to-day. All quiet.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
The MiddIe Department.
Washington, March 20.

ashhgt0n, March 70.
A Military Department to be called the
Middle Department, and to consist of the
States Of New Jersey, Delaware Pennsyl-
vania, @nd the Eastern shore Of MARYLAND
and Virginia, and the counties OF Cecil,
Hartford, Baltimore and Ann Arundel has
been created. Maj Gen. Dix is assign
ed to the command. Headquarters at
Baltimore.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
Regulations OF TrunsPorsation nm
Travel.

From and after Saturday Jan. e5tb no railroad ca
stage cosch, or vehicle running or westx ardy
from NE mississippi river into North Missouri viii
Aspsrmsstad 10 carry freight passengers from Keo.
kuk Without the arctrst compliance with the reguIa-
tons Of the Treasury Department at Washington,
which require that 'sli freghts, of whatever
except such may be under military orders shall be
covered BY Cus,om House pc mit and that ali bss
DAoesf travellers shall be carefully and duly
sealed by Custom House officer.
The undersigned will Issue permits for the trans
perAioa Of all goods destined for proper persons and
places with the least possible trouble delay and In
spect and seal all baggage oiasslers leaving the city
In manner 10 The least trouble consistent ith
she end desired
The object aimed ats 10 prevent any aid or assist
ace, Or munieA with any persons directly or
Indirectly, dsosaite, arms against the Federal
Government. JOHN sTAkkUS; Surveyor,
CustOm House. Ksohuk. Jan. o. IUae.dsf
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31

- Mrs. Curtis arrived on Saturday
evening from St. Louis, bringing the re-
mains of her daughter. We learn that
the body has been embalmed. and that the
funeral will. not take place until some
word is received from Gen. Curtis.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
Less - eRAarr.,

The number Of Gloucester fishing YES
sells lost of Georges Bank in the gale of
February 18th, was fifteen, and the mum.
Der lost February Iii, was four. BY the
loss Of these ninetsep, vessels i34 men
were drowned, leaving 10 widows
and LAT children to be provided for
Contributions are solicited for them.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
stock Market.

Stock Market.
New York, March 20
siocks-Dnll and lower. Money better supply, Il
o. per cent on cali and less active. Sterling Ex-
change quiet at llIAia3 American gold, lok. RI
55ss' G 4 Z, 67si Ia g scrip. SAL; N g, $685.; NJ s
gd saf+; C, e2,4i Erie, 3e1s do pfd 60 u; do as
ssnted scrip. ~; MINI per cant 81 Cal, IA 90; No
Is 5ia4; Tenn, sos; Ohio GO, 1914; Treasury $40
ssa4i small 8 D. a1i Coupons ssA, regd az
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
WAR! WAR;! WAR!!l

All persons keeping or having for ssle, any or
kinds Of Munitions Of War such Gnns Pistols Re
veivers and all kndsof Ammunition are required not
70 setc any person without from She under
eiEnsd This order must bs strictly complied with,
anderpsnalty offorfesng all articles neE,ione n
sAsssPossession JOHN sTAKkUS,
tayi3d Surveyor Portof keokuk.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31

- DIR. Witter, Surgeon of the 7th
Iowa Regiment. fancied in the delirium Of
his last moment that he was on the battle
field, and exhortsd the soldiers who he
imagined were in his presence to deeds Of
heroism for their country. A good man
is gone, but his memory will live with the
freshness Of immortality - Des Moines
Register sas ss 4 sssssa 90.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31

r. The favorite packet Hannibal
City, Capt. Lee, came in Saturday, and
leaves for st. Louis this { Monday morn
ing. at O'Clock. Capt. Lee knows how
to sail boat and make his passengers feel
at home.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
A TTENTION!
Tax PaveTeal

By vrtae VI Chsptsr 10 Of Laws u lows, passed.
full force and nect, am called upon 70 collect Fsa
uM Tar Of two miils the dollar on the yslus Non
Of hsal aud PersoDsa Property ID. leUl and II
a Intended y Le pArl II the Taxon Of xsid ear
said Tax u nov levied, and ths books plscsd ID ny
hands for csiiectien Those holding Tax Roceipts fos
le0l, are requested 10 come forward aud %, this
additional Tax; and those DO set hold rcc lpis lor
the lakes of said ear invited call get them
The Federal Tax must be paid by the day Vt June
A - lsd2 T.. II. ALLYN
M&fx1uAW Collector,
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31

nA- Captain Henne Of Davenport, who
had his leg shot off at Pea Ridge, is dead.
He was brave and popular officer, and
died in defence of his adopted country.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
WARN. - The old saw

WARN. - The old saw il true once
more. March came In like lion, and is
going out like lamb. II was very warm
on Saturday, the thermom eter indicat-
ing 80 in the shade at 2 p. m. Wool
ems and fires were at discount.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31

~ Floyd has just bravery enough to
steal guns, but far too little to stand be-
fore them. Il Lou. Journal.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
Ito FOR DIME, AND THE GAL

The uaderssgnsd has established his quarters nj the
Dudley House In this City, where recruits wisns TO
Join the Iowa 7,h Regiment, will be received and inn
nsdtAteiy mustered into service and subsisted. Re-
cruits Till be Forwarded NJ fast - enlisted.
JOHN MCCORMICK
Recruiting Sergeant.
Ksokuk, March goth, lsca.-lm.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31

- It is said that the Merrimac' s prov
was 10 match for the Monitors proweas.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
st. Louis Market.

81. Lsuts, March 81
Market quiet, and business very moderate. No
changes TO nots except In Whisky which was excited
Sales n ~, and other lots held at 20 u r.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1862-03-31
The river was about stationary.

CoSuEDRuMs.-Af friend who has lust
returned from the east posed us with the
following
Why was the Merrimac like IN unruly
school boy?
Because she had to mind the Monitor.
Why is Maryland like blind canary
bird
Because she can't secede [see Seed
Why is JEFF. Davis like a certain mu-
steal instrument struck by lightning?
Because he's a blasted lyre niar).