Bradford reporter. [volume] (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, 1862-11-13
Washington was not safe Who can save our


national capeetle?
"DaD Setchell," said. {" He can do it
afternoons. Let him plant his light and airy
form onto the Long Bridge, make faces at the
hirlin' foe, aud they will skedaddIe Cd Setch
can do it,"
l will remark, in this connection that the
editor of the Bugle does my job printing.
Yol" said Mr.. Hinkins !; =" who live away
from the busy haunts of men, do not compre-
hend the magnitood Of the crisis The busy
haunts of men comprehend this crisis We
who live in the busy hauuts of men live--that
is to say, we dwell, as it were, in the busy
haunts of men,"
| really trust the gentleman will not fail
to say suthn' about the busy haunts of men
before be sits down." said |.
" L claim the right to express my senti-
ments here" said Mr. Hinkns, in a slightly
indignant tone, " and | shall brook no inter-
ruption if | am Softmore"
" You couldn't be more sott, my young
FREUD" observed, whereupon there was cries
of Order order p
" regret | can't minge in this strife per-
sCnally," said the young man.
" You might inlst as liberty pole" said
[, 10 a sivery whisper
Bot" he added, | have voice. and that
voice is for the war" The young man then
closed his speech with some strikin' and origi.
nal remarks on the Star Spangled Banner
He was followed by the village minister, very
worthy man, indeed, bat whose sermons have
tendency to make people sleep pretty indus,
triousiy.
"I am wiin' to inlist for ohe," he said.
What's your weight, parson y | asked
A hundred ard sixty pounds" " he answered
Well yon can inlist as hundred lb8 of
morphine, your dOoty ben' to stand in the hos
pitfalls after a battle, aud preach while the sur.
gical operation is bein' performed Think
how much you'd save the Gov'ment in NOR
phine"
He didn't seem to see it but he made a
good speech, and the editor of the Bugle rose
TO read the resolutions, commencin' as follers :
Resolred, That we view with anxiety that
there is now war goin' on, and
Resolred, That we believe Stonewall Jack |
son sympathzes with secession movement, and |
that we hope the nine months men
AT this point he was interrupted by the
sound of slvery footsteps, on the stairs and
party of winin, carryiu' guns and led by Bet
sey Jane, who brandished loud and rattlin
umbreller and bust into the room.
Here" cried /, are some nine months
wimmnn
Mrs Ward" said tie editor of the Bu-
gle, Mrs. Ward, and ladies, what means
his extr'ord'n'ry demonstration p
g 1t meauS," said that remarkable female,
' that you are maxim fools Of yourselves. You
are wiIlin' to talk and urge Others to go to the
wars, but you don't go to the wars yourselves.
War meetins is very nice in their way, but
hey don't keep Stonewall Jackson from COM
~ over into Maryland and helpn' himself to
the fatteSt beef critters. What we want is
more cider and less talk. We want you able
bodied men to stop speechifying, which don't
amount to the wiggle of sick cats tail, and
20 to ft'in otherwise you can stay at home
and take keer of the children, while we VIM
min go to war"
Gentl'men," said I, "that's my wife Go
N, old gal !" and / throw'd up nay ancient
white hat in perfect rapters."
" Is this roll to be filled up with the names
Of men or wimmn z" she cried.
with men-with men !" and our quoty
vas made up that very night.
There is great deal OF gas about these war
neetin's. A war meetn' in fact, without gas,
would be suthin' like the play of Hamlet with
he part of Otbeo omitted
Still beievn that the Goddess of Liberty
S about as well sot up with as any other
'oung lady in distress could expect to be,
I'M Yours, more'n anybody ese's,
a. WARD.'