The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-06-04
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
KIssiNo is a capital offence.

RUNNING after happiness is like chas-
ing the horizon.
NEVER sacrifice principle for gold, nor
honesty for office.
CASE of kid knapping-catching ju-
venile goat asleep.
DANGER should be feared when distant
but braved when present.
A LOVING heart encloses within itself
an unfading and eternal Eden.
PRENTICE says there is no Drawer soul
on earth than the soul Of our Foote.
The head learns new things, but the
heart forever practices old experiences.
4" DIS cord is horrible" as the musical
negro said when he was about to be hung.
The man who entertained n propo-
sition," shortly after turned bis guest out
of doors,
YoUTH writes its hopes upon the sand,
and age advances like the sea and washes
them away.
TIE man whose conscience smote him,
has had the darned critter bound over to
keep the peace.
The man who ate his dinner with the
fork of river has been attempting to spin
a mountain top.
THE man who "kept his word " gave
serious offence to Webster, who wanted
it for his dictionary.
The boy who undertook to ride horse
raddish, is now practicing an saddle Of
mutton, without stirrups.
GALLANrRY has arrived at such q pass
down east that when lady sneezes, all
the male bipeds give her three cheers.
AN Edinburgh paper states that an
American has invented machine which
is driven by the force of circumstances.
SOMEBODY asks, " Is it lawful to hang
clothes on Mason & Dixon's line r. Just
as lawful as planting beans round the
North pole.
VEGETATION grows so rapidly in Iowa,
that when man wants to Gloss stream
he sticks pumpkin seed in the bank, aud
in few minutes walks over on the vine.
as that lightning bug in the street ?"
asked a short-sighted old lady. "No,
grandma" said pretty little miss, "it's
a 6ig-Jug with cigar"
A BACHELOR the other morning re-
marked that wives who use the needle arc
like the enemy spoken of in the parable
they SOW tareS while the husbandmen
sleep.
KISSING a pretty girl down South,
young gentleman asked her what made
her so sweet. "Oh," she replied, in ut
ter innocence, "my father is sugar
planter"
LAPDoGs are not the only puppies that
engross the attention of ladies. Many q
useless dandy runs off with those purest
diamonds of this world-a young girls
affections.
Ii our Maker thought it wrong for
Adam to live single when there was not
woman on earth, how cfimnally guilty
are old bachelors, with the world full Of
pretty girls. lm -i
HAVE you 1" Blasted Hopes2" asked a
lady of green librarian, whose face was
much swelled by the toothache. Z" No,
ma'am," replied the youth, "but I've got
a blasted toothache."
81 WOULD advise you to gut your head
into dye.tub, it's rather rcd," said q
joker TO a sandy haired girl. Iwo'd
advise you to put yours into an oven, it's
rather soft" said Nancy.
A WESTERN editor informs his readers
that there are number of boarding houses
in New York, in which there is not SIN
gle bed bug. They are all married, and
have got large families.
A REPORTER of the Cincinnati markets
states lnaI nogs are Irfn. lnaC Is
stating the fact little mildly the firm
ness Of the porcino animal amounts to the
most cursed obstinacy.
The perfume of thousand roses soon
dies, but the pain caused by one Of their
thorns remains long after; a saddened re-
membrance in the midst of mirth is like
that thorn among the roses.
AN exchange says of lady. She
was beautiful-dark brown hair, black
liquid eyes; mouth tempting beauty lips
like roses, and teeth like pearls set in am-
Der; form like queen, and step like a
fairy-but she had dirty feet" How
did the rascal know!
The editor of country newspaper
thus takes leave Of his readers: "The
Sheriff is waiting for us in the next room,
so we have no time to be pathetic. Maj
Nab'em says we are wanted and must go.
Delinquent subscribers you have much TO
answer for Heaven may forgive you but
] never eau"