The weekly Butte record., 1862-05-31
LIE, SATURDAY MORNING, MAY 81. 1862.
a Rebel Reduced and Reconstructed =


maddest OF the year, and am beginning 10 be-
lieve, my boy, that what is TO be viii be as
what hiss been has Though still without my
gothic charger, l'egaSus, that symmetrical "a
Ger having been borrowed for a writing desk
BY a Secretary Of the Froutierior, am enabled
to keep up communication with the Nackerel
corpse dammes down the river, and ten thousand
stars s-spangled banners fash through my veins
as relate the recent great artillery expedition
Of the Orange County Howiizers.
Ii seems, my boy, that an intellectual mem
Der of the Mackerel Brigade got tired Of IL
vesting Yorktown, and wandered away in
pursuit of adventure. As be peregrinated in
the neighboFhood of rebel domicile, be behed
what be took for the bird Of our country, stalk
ing out Of the barn-yard. aud was making
measures to confscate it, when the proprietor
made his appearance, and says he:
Hessian, spare that goose"
The Mackerel chap gave tragic start. ard
says ne:
IT'S the Eagle I would rescue, Horatio /;
the bird celebrated by my brother, the Con
gresham, in all his speeches.
well" says the foul traitor, il is undoubt-
edly what the Congressmen takes for the Eagle,
as l am aware that Congressmen generally
treat the American Eagle as if it were goose;
but as that gander happens to belong 10 one of
the very First Families of Virginia, and cost
me four shillings. it becomes my painful duty
to resist your habeas corpus act" And with
that he drove the beautiful bird into the barn
yard and locked the gate.
Fired to fury BY this insult from one of
those whom our army had come to protect, the
Mackerel chap went Immediately back to
quarters, and appealed to his comrades for
vengeance.
That gifted officer, Samyule Sa.mith, heard
his burning words, and says he = The cannon
of the Union shall speak in this matter. Let
the Orange County Howitzers get ready for
action and l will lead them against the PILLS
tine"
Instantly arose the notes of dreadful prepa-
rations; the guns were modified, six English
gentlemen 10 the hosiery business were invited
to view the coming battle, and just as the moon
arose above the trees, the artillery started for
the rebel stronghold
Arriving before the offending house, the How
itzers were placed in line, and all got ready for
the bombardment 1t was just possible, my
boy, that two men might have marched into
that house and captured the misguided Con-
federacy without slaughter. You may be un-
able to see what use there was in bringing
artillery and forming in line of battle but you
are very iguorant. my boy you know nothing
about strategy and war.
Soldiers, says Samyule " ramamhar that
the eyes Of the whole world are upon you at
this moment and endeavor to hit the house as
often as possible. We will fire one round
without ball." says Samyule, to see if the
powder is first class
Now it CHANGED that while the loading-up
was going on, the gallant Lieutenant Lemons
got his legs wonderfully entangled in the Ian
yard Of his piece, and kept turning the howit-
zer around in a manner strongly expressive Of
nervous agitation. Suddenly he stepped across
to where Samyule was standing, and whispered
in his ear:
40. see," says Samyue, kindly, "yOu were
educated at West Point, and want to know
which end Of the cannon ought to be pointed
at the enemy. Well" says Samyule instruct
ively you'd better point the end with the
hole in it,"
Everything being in readiness, my boy, the
combined battery launched its thunders on the
air, creating a great sensation in the Deghbor
ing hen-roosts, and causing q large rooster to
fall from branch in the midst of his refresh
ing slumbers.
Now, that the powder has sustained its re-
putation," says Samyule, impressively, let the
two-inch balls be hurled at the enemy's works"
As the house was full ten yards off, this sec
ond discharge failed to hit it but it brought
the Southern Confederacy to the window in
his night-cap, and says he;
There's no use of my trying to sleep, if you
chaps keep making such noise down there"
Unhappy man." says Samyue, solemnly,
+" we come here to reduce you, and will listen
to nothing bat unconditional surrender"
The Confederacy gaped, and says he; " I'm
very sleepy, and can't talk to you now ; but
III call over in the morning" And be shut
the window and went back to bed. A frown
was observed to steal over the face of Samyule.
He has peculiar countenance, my boy, and
frown affects it strangely. Take his mouth
and moustache together, and they remind you
of mouse summing himself on the edge of his
hole: and when the frown comes on. the mouse
acts as though be had stomaeh-ache.
Comrades" says Samyule, the enemy
requires another round, and We must do it on
the square. Fire"
Like four-and twenty thunder-storms the