The Potter journal. [volume] (Coudersport, Pa.) 1857-1872, 1862-10-15
The Draft I'm RSIdinsV3Ese.
BY ARTEMUS WARD.
f I'm drafted | shall resign.

If I'm drafted shall resign.
Deeply grateful for the unexpected
honor thus conferred upon me, shall feel
compelled to resign the position in favor
of sum more worthy person. Modesty is
what ails me. That's what's kept me
under.
| meanter say shall hav to resign if
I'm drafted everywheres I've bin inrold.
| must now, furrLnstuns, be lnrold IN up
wards Of 200 different towns. 1fpd kept
on trayeIin | should hav eventooally be-
cum Il Brigade, in which case | could
have held meetin' and elected myself
Brigadeer-ginrai quite unauimiss. l
hadn't no idea there was SC many of me
before. But, serisly, l concluded to stop
exhibitin' and make tracks for Baldins-
Vile.
My only daughter threw herself onto
my boosum, and raid, ut is me fayther
| thank the gods -
She reads the Ledger
Tip US yer bunch of fves, old fakerW
said Artemus, Jr. He reads the Clipper
My wife was to the sowin' circle. |
knew she and the wimin folks was haVin
a pleasant time slandern the females of
the oiher sowin' circle, (Which likewise
met that AFTERNOON, and was doubtless
enjoyln' themselves ekally well in Sian
derIu' the fust-named circle, } aud didn't
send for her. l allus like to see people
injoy themselves.
My son Orgustus was playin' onto a
foot.
Orgustus is ethereal cuss. The twins
was bIIdin' cob-hOuses in corner of the
kitchin.
K. cost some postage-stamps to raise
this fam'Iy, and yet it I'D 90 hard with
the old man to lose any lamb of the fUck
An old bachelor is poor crittor. HeI
may have hearn the skyiark or (what's
nearly the same thiug) Miss Kellogg and
Charlotfy Patti sing; he may have hcarn
Ole Bull fiddle, and all the Dodwofth's
toot, an yet he don't know uothin' about
musc-the real, ginuine thing-the mu-
sic Of the laughter OF happy, welI-fed chill
dren And you may AK the father of
slch children home 10 dinner, teelin' VERY
sure therell be 30 Spoons missin' when
ne goes away Slch fathers never drop
tn hve-cent pieces iuto the contribution
box, nor palm shoe-pegs off onto blind
horses for oats, nor skedaddle to British
- ia WHOM rIair conutrv'o - daroor ror
DO anything which is really mean. |
don't Weau to intimate that the old bach
elor is up to little games of this sort
not at aiI---but repeat, he's poor critter
lie don't live here; he only stays. He
ought to pologise, on behalf of his pa
reu.s, for bein' here at ALL The happy
married man dies in good style at home,
surrounded by his weeping wife and chill
dreu. The Old bachelor don't die at all
he sort of rots away, like pollywog's
tail.
My townsmen was sort O demoralized |
There was evident deslne to ewade the
Draft, as | observed with sorrer, and
patriotism was below Par-and Mar too
[ A jew desprit. | hadn't no sooner aot
down on the plazzy of the tavourn than
| saw sixteen solitary hossmen, ridin'
four abreast, wendiu' thler way up the
street.
What's them? Is it calvary %
"Ihat," said the landlord, is the stage.
Sixteen able bodied citizens has lately
bought the stage line tween here and
Scootsburg. That's them. THERE stage
drivers. Stage-drivers is exempt p
| saw that each stage-driver carried
letter in his left hand.
"The mail is hevy today" SAID the
landlord. "Gin'rally they don't have
nore'n half dozen letters tween 'em.
To-day they've got one apiece Bile my
lights and liver"
And the passengers p
"Ihere amt any, skacely, days"
said the landlord, ''and what few there
is, very much prefer to walk, the roads
IS so rough"
"And how ls't with you ?" I inquired
of the editor of the Bugle-H Horn OF Lib
erty, who sOt near me.
81 can't 60" he sed, shakin his he'd in
| wise way. "OrdinariIy, | should de-
light to wade in gore, but my bleedin'
country bids me stay at home. 1t is i'm {
oeratiVely necessary that l remain here