The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-11-12
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
AN abstract docd-haying your tooth

WIG Win III "tiiiapie disposition.
WHEN does woman's tongue 90 the
quickest! When tits on the rail.
FALLING in love is like falling into a
river; It's much easier getting in than
out,
A MAN with scolding wife, when in
quired of respecting his occupation, said
he kept a hot-house.
The editor of an Irish paper brags
that two incidents have just occurred in
his family-a boy and girl.
DICKENS, in speaking of pawnbrokers'
duplicates, says they are the turnpike
tickets on the road TO poverty.
The most direct method of determin-
ing horsepower: Stand behind him and
tickle his hind legs with briar.
THE man who with hammer smashes
the end of his own finger, probably
thinks he hasn't hit the right nail on tho
head.
AT restaurant, when you notice cock
reaches around, you can console yourself
by inferring that they are not all in the
pudding.
"BoBpY, what is steaml" Boiling
water" "That right-compare it,
4" Positive, boil; comparative, boiler; su-
perlative, burst"
A coTEMpoRARY thinks the day may
yet come when men will be propelled by
steam power, the boilers being placed in
their coat-tal pockets.
A STORY writer says he will "climb
the starry ladder Of ambition, and drive
his enemies back into sheet of dark
ness" Rather fighty that.
A WESTERN paper announces the sit
ting Of the court Of common .feas. We
suppose that, of course, the big bugs are
also in attendance at the hotels.
MARRIAGE is the only lottery at pres
ent allowed by law in this State; and
there are SO many blanks drawn in this,
that the chance for speculation is slim.
TIMOTHY says that the first time he
went a courting, he felt as if pink angel
had hauled him down q rainbow with n
piece of chain lightning, smack into pile
of down.
A DOCTOR out West cautions his pa
tients about going to bed with their feet
hanging out of the window. He says it is
particularly dangerous if it should be rain
ing or freezing.
"YoU will see my face no more" said
a romantic young lady TO her friends.-
" All, Miss, are you going away from
earth, or do you intend taking TO rouge
to die or dyer
THE latest style of hoop skirt is the
grand self adjusting, double-back action
hustle, etruscan lace expansion, spiral
Piccolomini attachment, gossamer indies
tructible! 1t is J." n love of thing"
The chills and fever exist 10 such an
extent at certain village in Illinois, that
it is said the church bell is rung every
day at twelve o'clock TO notify the inhab-
itants that it is time to take their quinine.
CLOSE CuTTINe.-A private in the
Tenth Ohio Regiment, who was in the
engagement at Chaplin Hills, had both
bis cars cropped by Mimic balls shot by
the enemy; otherwise he was not injured.
"CAN you toll inc how the word sa-
loon is spelt," asked a Philadelphian of
a Londoner? Certainly" said he with
n look of triumph, ":here's hess, and q
hay, and hell, and two hoes, and a
hen"
al SUPPOSE" said a notorious politi-
clan, "that YOU expect me to talk and
act just to please you, but | can't
" Yes, you do cant, you old hypocrite,"
said his opponent, land you have been
canting MI your life"
A YOUNG man in stationery store in
Philadelphia was recently exposed 10 some
bodily danger by the wrath of herculean
lumberman, who accused the terrified
clerk of trying to palm off upon him n
lot of steel pens rs good, when every one
OF them had slit in it.
AN editor in certain city took po-
lice officer sharply to task for neglect of
duty. "I confess my remissuess," said
the policeman, for if had done my
duty, the fellow, instead of having the
privilege of writing his complaint at home,
would have been in Jail for drunkenness"
A BEAUTIFUL girl-beautiful in youth
and health and purity-who wakes from
sleep, at touch of morning light, as the
flowers do, with a cheerful grace; whose
first tones, like those of the birds, are the
most musical Of the day; from whose
brow every trace Of yesterdays wear and
last nights care are swept away, even as
the face of nature is renewed and bright
ened by the summer dew-such girl is
worth the winning