The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-02-19


rail-split-stic way-instance: certain p'nks
Of refinement, in old Massachusetts, (they
raise such in Boston, Springfield, and 9th
er small towns, way down there,) called
on Madam Lincoln, at the White House,
and conducting themselves with exquisite
propriety, asked Madam Lincoln with
most becoming dignity concerning the hab-
its of the President: "The time of the
President must be wholly occupied at pres
ent r. alt is,sir." "Does he rise earlyg"
"About four in the morning" ais it
habit he acquired in former yearsg" La,
no he never used to get up till | had baked
my dodger,' and used TO tell him he
was the LATEST man on EARTH" The Pinks
closed their petals, dropped their tail
feathers, and vamoosed the ranch.
Madam Lincoln said " Secretary Cam
eron would be turned out" She knew,
Of course she did. She stole or borrowed
the other half of the breeches, and had
right 10 know Her carrier dove took n
posy to Madam Bennett, and she knew,
too, and then the two magpies chartered,
and woe was unto Simon, the railroad
pet lamb. When consenting to become
member of the Lincoln family, Simon
says, "After great reflection I could not
, refuse a trust so trying and la6orious."
1t was tough. 1t does require laborious
reflection " to pocket half million Sun,
moon, and stars, snuff yourselves out.
Cox and Van Wyck, "dry up" And
you, John p. Hale, collapse, and SNAKE
believe" you're smart, that there may be
no light nor knowledge about this Simon,
the successful giant swindler Salts. This
is his epitaph, "Simon, the Swindler-born
on the first day Of the reign of Abe and
Madam Lincoln, lived ten months and
six days, was mercJRly beheaded, and
his body returned to dust. Tho way Of
the transgressor as hard"
: Madam Lincoln knew it would be so,
of course she did; and this is not all she
knew or did. Her breeches pocket had a
hole in the bottom, through which her
J husbands message slipped ont, and by
accident her carrier dove found it and
flew to Madam Bennett with the message
and another posy, and so the N. Y. Her.
aid preached Old Abe's sermon before the
Senators and Representatives, in advance.
The course of true love never did run
smooth, for somebody caught this carrier
doOe, the other day, and clipped his wing,
poor thing how 1t must suffer!
Madam Lincoln is fond of parties
large parties, of thousand or two. She
! likes to feed them well and take good care
Of them. So does Madam Bennett. She
must be present at the big party and pro-
vide Madam Lincoln with score or more
of magnum bonum walters, cooks, and
confectioncrs. Turkeys, chickens, wood
cock, quail, frogs and turtle, by the tun,
have shed their blood to appease the ven
geance Of Madam Lincoln; ten gallon
! japanese mug is filled with champagne
I punch, for the benefit Of thirsty guests
the Washington snobs and Senators are
q thirsty set-they were more thirsty be-
fore the battle of Bull Run-and a thou
sand other ixings of which | cannot speak.
,, Madam Lincoln appears in half mourn
ing-she has sympathy for the afflicted
of course she has-for Queen Victoria
Think of that! Madam Lincoln at a
public party of mirth, music and dancing,
in mourning for Prince Albert-at q par
ty providing ten gallons of champagne
punch, for thirsty guests, mourning in
sympathy with the Queen of England
! We bcseech thee, gracious Queen, not to
consider this frivolous butterfly as any
approximation TO tire character of our
American women, for from such, the true
women Of our distracted country contin-
ually do pray, "Good Lord deliver us"
SYNTAx.
Rxy- But for slaverY. we should have