Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1862-04-25
OTpheus C.. Kerr On Strategy. "

consists principally Of n. ?. Willis, is in
deep affliction at the departure of SO many
shoulder-straps for Manassas, and will go
into hasty decline if few foreign counts
do not arrive BY the next steamer Pri-
vate letters from Europe say. that the bar
Der shop business on the continent is too
good to permit many distinguished dukes
to visit Ameria now, though the fact that
few of the French nobility have recently
discharged their coachmen may lead US to
hope few Orleans counts during the sum-
mer.
The most interesting natural curiosity
here. next to Secretary Wells beard, is
the Office of the Secretary of the Interior
Covered with spider-webs, and clothed
with the dust of ages, my boy, sit the Sec,
retary and his clerks, Ike so many respec-
table mummies in neglected pyramid. The
Department of the Interior, my boy. is in
d humorous coalition the sales of the
public lands for the past year amount to
about ten shillings, the only lawyer being
conservative Dutchman from New Jer-
sey, who has not heard of the war vet.
These things weigh upon my spirit, and
l was glad to order up my gothic stallion.
Pegasus, the other day, and rattle down
to Manassas once more
Upon reaching tbs celebrated
field of Mars, my boy, l found the General
of the Mackeral Brigade in his tent. sur
rounded by telegraphio instruments and
railroad maps, while the Comic Section was
drawn up in line outside.
You appear to be much absorbed, my
venerable Spartan, says to the General,
as | handled the diaphanous vessel be was
using as an act-drop in the theatre of war
The General frowned like an obdurate
parent refusing to let his own daughter
marry coal beaver, and says he:
I'm absorbed in startegy. Eighteen
months ago, I was informed by contra
band that sixty thousand unnatural rebels
were intrenched somewhere near here, and
having returned the contraband to his
master to be shot, resolved to overwhelm
the rebels by strategy. Thunder said
the General perspiring like a pitcher
of ice-water in June, if there's ANYTHING
equal to diplomacy, it's strategy. And
now, said the general, sternly; it's my du-
ty to order you to write nothing about this
to the papers. You write about my move
ments; the papers publish it, aud are sent
here my adjutant takes the papers to the
rebels; and so you see, my plans are all
known, have no chioce but to suppress
you.
But, said l, you might mere surely keep
the news from the rebels by arresting the
adjutant
Thunder says the general, I never tho't
of that before
Great men, my boy, are never so great
but that they can profit occasionally by
suggestion from the bumblest of Species
| once new a great man who went home
one night in shower, and was horrifed to
find that he could not get his umbrella
through the front door He was a very
great man, understood transcript, made
speeches that nobody could comprehend,
and had relatives in Beacon street Boston.
There be stood in the rain, my boy, push
ing his umbrella this way and that way,
turning 1t endways and sideways, holding
it at acute angles and obtuse angles but
still it would not go through the door nor
anything like it, By-and-by there came
along a chap of humble attainments, who
sung out:
What's the. matter, old three and six
pence?
The great man turned pantingly round,
and says he:
Ah, my friend, cannot get my umbrel-
la into the house. I've been trying for half
an hour to wedge it through the door but
cannot get it through, and know not how
to act
The humble chap stood under a gas
light, my boy, and by the CLEANS thereof
his mouth was observed to pucker loafer-
ishly.
Hev you tried the experiment of shutting
up that air umbrella, says he.
The great man gave start, and says
he:
Per Jovem! I didn't think to do that.
And he shut his umbrella and went in
peacefully.
The Comic Section was to make its great
strategic movement my boy, under Cap
tain Bob Shorty and led By that fearless
warrior. it set out at twilight. Onw ard
tramped the heroes, according to Hardee,
for about an hour, and then they reached
a queer looking little house with a great
deal Of piazza and very little ground
floor. With his cap cooked very much
over one eye, Captain Bob Shorty knock
ed at the door, and was answered by a
of obouf forfy