The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-01-22
MIscELLANEoUs ITEMS.
: Literature for war times-Reviews

---- 1ltLl
- Literature for war times-Reyiews
and Magazines ie.t ha .is is h
- "Don't want you any longer" said
an employer to very tall clerk. ua
- The kiss with which a girl seeks to
catch her beau, is fishing smack. g
= Should trowsers procured on credit
be considered brecches of trusts" 'l
- Harmless mirth is the best cordial
against the consumption Of the spirits.
= There is no friend TO man so true,
so kind, SO real, and so good as woman.
- have "struck the Tyre" as the
chap said when he knocked down SLAM
derer. ..-,.tf1. ... I'D
- The girls say that the times are so
hard that the young men cannot pay their
addresses.
= If you discharge a jest at friend,
or a gun at woodcoek, be sure that il
isn't out Of season.
: 81 shall be indebted to you for life"
as the man said to his creditors when lie
ran away TO Australia.
:" What a blessing children are" as
the parish clerk said when he took the
fee for christening them. 81
-" "fIog or dog?-that's the ques-
tion," as the fellow said when he sat down
TO dish Of fried sausoges.
I'll really can't express my thanks
rs the boy said to the school-master when
he gave him thrashing.
"a soft answer turnelh away
wrath" as the man said when he hurled
a squash at his enomy's head.
= To mako a girl love you, coax her
TO love somebody else. If there be any
thing that woman relishcs, it is to be con-
trary. I7 'a
- A rigidly pious old lady down East
says /" this civil war is Judgement upon
the nation for permitting women to wear
hoops"
: Dobbs says he cannot patronize
cheap eating-houses tll they give up the
habit of using their table cloths for mat
trasses. +'i.ai
= Nothing, perhaps, strikes the ear
moro pleasantly than n pretty wonan's
charming voice--except, perhaps, her
charming hand.
= The smiles of home arc exceeding
ly pleasant, but there are many people
who have good homes, who prefer 'smil-
ing" with a friend outside.
= Mr.. Harris was never more sober in
bis whole life, but when his friend Jones
asked him to take chair, he said he
would swat till one came round"
= An editor out West says, "If we
have offended any man in the short but
brilliant course of our career, let him send
us new hat and say nothing about it."
= A cotemporary out West is about
to enlarge his printing Office, in order
TO afford accommodation to the loafers
who throng his premises. Not q bad
idea. e. . a.a
- A friend Of ours was congratulate
ing himself upon having recently taken q
very pleasant trip. Upon inquiry, w(
found that he had tripped and fell into {
young lady's lap.
-" A man who'll maliciously set fire
to barn." said Mr.. Slow, Sand burn nj
twenty cows, ought to be kicked to deatl
by jackass, and rdlike to do it," Slow
is very severe sometimes. tal sa
- An expeditions mode of getting VI
row is to carry long ladder on you
shoulders in crowded thoroughfarc, anc
every few minutes turn round to sec j
any one is making faces at YOU.
= A boy at school out West, whcI
called on to rccite his lesson in history
was asked, "What is the German die
composed Off" The boy replied, "sour
krout, schnapps, lager beer and nix com
erouce." The boy was prompted IN
stantly.
= "Where was the man stabbed 7
asked an excited lawyer of a physician
"Tho man was stabbed about an inch and
half 10 the left Of the medium line, ant
about an inch above the umbilicus," wa:
the reply. "Oh, yes, understand now
but thought it was near the town hall
= A waggish apprentice ono day af
ter dinner, deliberately stepped up TO hi:
master and asked him what he valued hi:
services at per day. "Why, about sin
cents" said his master. Then putting
his hands into his pocket, and drawing
out some coppers, he said, Here's three
cents-rm off on BENDER"
- A witty gentleman of Buffalo
speaking of friend who was prostateC
by illness, remarked that he cod hardly
recover, since his constitution was al