Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1862-09-26

SiuIy piSiciISu W tuc ScuuIIle.
SOMEBODY says that the oldest husbandry
he knows of is the marrying of widower in
clover with widow in weeds. "t .."
IF the rebels feared the Devil as much as
they do gunboat, there might be some hope
Of their turning Christians.
The Atlanta HnteNigencer says jeff. Davis
integrity is not suspected, Certainly not; it
is the last quality Of which we should accuse
him. .--..s.
AN editor says the only reason why his
house was not blown away during the late
gale, was because there was heavy mort
gage upon it.
AN old lady in Holland, whose sole occu-
patton was housewifery, scrubbed her sitting
room floor until she fell through into the
cellar.
THE majority Of human beings are mere
tadpoles-dull promises of life into whom
there has not yet entered soul enough to class
ify them as frogs. . '0....,
SHERIDAN, speaking of his stay at hotel,
observed: " called for bottle of wine that
my landlord might live; l abstaned from
drinking it that might live, too"
"DD you ever know such a mechanical
genius as my son Z" said an old lady; "he
has made fiddle out of his own head, and
has wood enough for another"
Jump all the Ifs and buts;'
There's always some kind hand
To lift lifes wagon DER the ruts, ...ia.
And poke away the sand"
A paper can publish the appointments af-
ter the coming in of new administration !;
but what paper in the world is large enough
to publish the disappointments ? ..- -.
"WHY did you come back ?" asked sleek,
wcll-fed citizen Of a poor, half sick Federal
soldier just returned from McClellan's army.
Why don't you go?" replied the soldier.
A man is circumscribed in all his ways by
Gods providence just as he is in a ship for,
though the man may walk freely upon the
decks, he must 60 whittier the ship bears
him. -..., ..-...
A child is never happy from having his
own way. Decide for him, and he has but
one thing to do; put him to please himself,
and he is troubled with everything and sat.
istied with nothing.
A man who has addressed stranger by
mistake apologies by saying, :" was mis-.
taken.in the person." Many married coup
lie might make the same apology to each 9th.
er. grfir .. ......
LARGE minds, like large pictures, are seen
best at distance. This is the reason, to
say nothing Of envious motives, why we gen.
orally undervalue our contemporaries, and
over-rate ancients.
A gentleman having horse that ran away
and broke his wife's neck was told by q
neighbor that he wished to purchase it for
his wife to ride upon. mo, said the wretch,
~ intended to marry again myself"
" "Whate'er Of life remains for me,
..s I'll pass In sober ease 70 r
Xalfptedsed, contented will be-
Consent but hd.T to please"
"CAPTAIN, are you going to run your
steamboat i'm this fog ?' timid passenger
asked Of one of the Sound shippers. "No,
sir, was the reply, we might as well try
to drive toad through barrel Of tar"
A little boy, few days since, while CON-
ing down stairs, was cautioned by his moth
er not to lose his balance. His question
which followed was q puzzle: Smother, if
should lose my balance where would it go
to?"
A London literary paper gives the follow
ing as the prayer taught to the children Of
the Scarborough wreckers in England in old
times: "God bless daddy, God bless man.
my, God send q ship ashore before morning !!
Amenl 3t4s
The best of men have often injured them
selves by irritability and consequent rude
ness, as the greatest scoundrcls have fre-
quently succeeded by their plausible man
ners. Oftwo men equal in all other respects,
the courteous one has twice the chance for
fortune.
AN Irishman, being little fuddled, was
asked what was his religious belief. "Is it
me belafe ye'd BE- asking about, Its the
same as the widdy's and she behaves I'll niv-
er pay her-and faith, that's my belafe too r.
one Of the witnesses in the Smith Leith
case complained that Mr.. Phin read his SER
mons; and on the question being put to him
-" Do sermons that are not read edify you
most?" he convulsed the court by replying,
consider that if ministers cannot remem-
Der them themselves, neither can we.''
WEDDERBUEN asked Sheridan how he had
got rid of his Irish brogue, as he wished to
get rid Of his Scotch accent. Ny dear fel-
low" said Sheridan - don't attempt such 4
thing. The house listens to you because
they don't understand you; but IL you be.
come ineligible they will be able to take
your measure"