The Burlington weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington [Iowa]) 1860-1876, 1862-10-18
LETTER FROM ORPHEUs O. KERR

LETTER. FROM ORPHEUS O. KERR
EpIfoR T. THE Southern Confederacy
having delayed to sue for peace, my boy, until
the safety Of Washington requires that national
strategy should continue metaphysical hostilties
It may be as we'll for you and me as a nation to
prepare for q speedy commencement Of War
in earnest The North, my boy has not begun
and the hoary years move one by one into the
sunken solitude of Eternity, it becomes daily
more evident that the North's actually putting
forth of all it's strength Is merely question Of
time. The giant is only just rousing from his
slumbers, and nothing but his legs and feet appear
to be thoroughly awake yet.
Now is the time, my boy, for the idotic Con-
federscy to save himself, by returning penitent-
" to that benifcent government which would
have realized the millennium at half.past two
o'clock on the Fourth of July, 1916, but for the
unseemly vilainly of the accursed Black Re-
publicans, many of whom are shortly to be
hung.
That is to say, such is the opinion of the Ven.
cradle Cannon, whose benignant presence is
believed to have proved the salvation of our
distracted country in the Revolutionary War
though can find nothing, except his protecting
patriarchal department toward all the present
universe, to justify the idea that he ever bene-
fitted anything. 1t soothes the human SOUL my
boy, to hear this Venerable man discoursing on
the most trite subjects in tones, and with an air
calculated to bless all created things as with a
paternal benediction. Surrounded by num-
Der of his idoatrous national children, and
standing in front of Willards's the other eve
ming, he pointed fatty to bright star overhead,
and says he:
THAT star is like our Country. That STAR"
says the Venerable Cannon, with meaningless
smile of angelic purity, sis like any star on our
Flag though clouds may hide it in its ascending
node, 1t Is still kno,ced to be ascending"
Then everybody felt cheered with the peace.
full conviction that Columbia was saved at last :;
and it's my private belief, my boy-my private
belief, that the attached populace looked upon
this good old man as the one who made the star.
Yet, strange as it may seem, this venerable
Benefactor made little mistake on Tuesday,
A sportive young chap came to him with news
paper in his hand, and says he: "Let me see if
you can tell, Pater Patria, what paper this arti-
Gle is in" and proceeded to read the following
high minded editorial:
''TREAsoN OF THE BLACK REPUBL1cANs"
'True to their foul instincts, the Greely, Chez.
yer, and Wendell Phillips herd of reasonable
fanatics are now accusing their Honest Old Abe
of running the country. 1t was their votes that
elected the rail-spliter, and they now turn tail
upon him and howl maledctions because he will
not carry out their fendish intents by erecting
a revolutionary guiotine in every Northern CT
ty and town. That blasphemous mountebank,
Beecher, may as we'll cease his reasonable i'm
piety at once; for he and his Sharps' rifle crew
are responsible for the present bankruptcy of
thn hn1a L !
them to strict account for every drop of blood
that has been and will be shed in this unnatural
strife"
When the sportive chap ceased reading, the
Venerable Cannon waved his obese hand with
the fond, familiar air of pleased beniguity, and
says he: 60
"Of course, know what paper that is, my
son. 1 know the ring of those sterling conser-
vative sentiments" says the Venerable Gam
mon, with calm satisfaction, "aud am blessed in
the knowledge that our loyal New York Herald
is still true to the Constitution and to the prin-
cipes of my old friend, Georgey Washington
or cold Wash" as he permitted me to call
him."
The sportive chap softly picked bis teeth with
wisp from broom, and says he:
"But this amt the Herald at all, YOU dear old
soul; it is copy of the Richmond Wing"
Venerable Cannon was first attacked by that
dreadful cough which put an end to all further
conversation, and has since excited the most
fearful apprehensions lest bereaved country
should suddenly be called to mourn the untime-
1y loss of its benign idol
On Tuesday afternoon, had talk with the
Chaplain, who had remained here over Sunday
to administer consolation to dying Brigadier,
and was grievously wounded in spirit to find
that the telegraph had committed trifng
breach of spelling, and that the Brigadier was
only dyeing his hair, which had suddenly turned
white in single night on the strength of a ru-
NOR that there might be some fighting in the
morning.
The Mackerel Chaplin, my boy, is Of inesti-
mable value to wounded manner, his vivid and
spiritual manner of describing the celebrated
Fire Department of the other world being
source OF unspeakable comfort and reinsurance
to the sufferer. II am afraid you have led
sinful life, my fellow-worm," says he to the sick
Mackerel, "aDd can only advise you to buy one
of those hymn-books from me, which can af-
ford to sell for six shillings."
But what the chaplain talked to me about
was his discovery, at village not far from Win.
chester, of new
"PICCIOLA"
IL was Sergeant old and gray,
Well singed land bronzed from siege and pill
lage,
Went tramping in an army's wake,
Along the turnpike of the village.
For days and nights the winding host
Had through the little place been marching,
And ever loud the rustics cheered,
Till ev'ry throat was hoarse and parching.
The Squire and Farmer, maid and dame,
All took the sights electric stirring,
And hats were waved and slaves we're sung,
And kerchiefs white were countless whlrring.
They only saw gallant show
Ut heroes stalwart under banners,
And in the fierce heroic glow,
Twas theirs to yield but wild hosannahs.
The Sergeant heard the shrll hurrahs,
Where he behind in step was keeping;
But glancing down beside the road
He saw little maid sit weeping.
And how is this?" he grufly said,
A moment pausing to regard herr
why weepest thou, my little chit?"-