Weekly Trinity journal., 1862-06-14


Betsey," sed !, with a stern air, Betsey,
you're too old to think about such frivolties as
back hair"
"Too old? too old r' she screamed, "you Bald
beded idiot! You hain't got hair enufl onto your
he'd to make decent wig for single-breasted
grasshopper."
The Rebook was severe but merited Hens4tb
! shall let my wife's back hair alone. You
heard me-"
Ny little dawter is CROWN quite rapid. and
begins to scrootinize clothn' with young men
inside of it pretty clost. observe too, that she
twists pieces Of paper around her hair at nights,
and won't let me put my arms around her any
more for fear I'll muss her. "Your mother
wasn't 'fraid I'd muss her when she was your
age, my child" sed | one day, with slight
twinkle in my dark bay eye.
"No," replied my little darter, she "probly
liked it,"
You amt going to fool female Young America
much. You can gamble on that.
But all this, which happened in Boldinsville a
week ago, hsin't nothin' to do with Washington,
from whittier l now write you, hopin' the items
] now send you may be exceptable to the Gin
Cocktail of Notwithstanding the Punch there
Of. A mild wittkism. A. WI
Washington, d. c., is the Capitol Of 4" our once
happy countrys-if may be allowed to koin
Erase The d. G. stands for Desperit Cusses,
numerosity which abounds there, the most of
whom pessess Romantic pashun for gratoo
tsus drinks. And in this connection | will re-
late an Incident. / notist for sevral days a
large Hearse standing in front of the principal
tavern ou Pennsylvania Avenoo Can you tell
me my fair Castillan," F" sed this mornin' to
young Spanard from Tipperary, who was black
in boots in the wash room" can you tell me
what those Hearse is standin' out there for -
q" Well, you see our BUSINESS is CRATE. You've
no idea of the number Of people who drink at
our Bar durin' day. You see those Hsagse is
necessary"
| saw.
Standn in front Of the taverns on Pensylvany
Avenoo is a lot of mserbul wretches-black,
white and ring strieked and freckled-with long
whips in their hands, who frowns upon you like
the wulture upon the turkle dove the mint you
dismerge from the hotel. They own yonder
tour-wheeled startlin' curiostys, which were
used years and years ago by the fust settlers of
Nirginny to carry live hogs to market in. The
best carriage ! saw in the entire collection was
used by Pockyhontas, sum two hundred years
ago, as o goat pen. Bscumin' SO used up that it
couldn't hold goats, that fair and gentle savage
put it up at auction. Subsekently it was used
as a hospital for sick calves, then as n hencoop,
and finally it Yves put on wheels and is now doin
dooty as hack.
called on Secretary Welles of the Navy
You know he is quite mariner himself, havin'
once owned Raft of logs on the Conecthycut
river. So put on saers stile. and holerd -
"Ahoy, shipmet Tip us yer grapn' irons"
"Yes-yesw ~ he sed nervisly, "but mercy on
US, don't be SO noisy"
'Ay, ay, my hearty But let me sing about
how Jack Stokes lost bis gal
" Tho reason he couldn't gain hor,
Was bcoz he's drunken saler."
That's very good, indeed" )" said the seckyD
" but this is hardly the place to sing songs in,
my friend"
" Let me write the songs of nashun," said,
and don't care cuss who goes to the Legis
later. But ak yer pardOn,-how's things ~
Comfortable, thank you. hold in my
hand" be added, "a copy Of the Middletown
Weekly Clarion, of February 18th, contanin'
report that there isn't much Union sentiment
in South Carolny but hardly creditit."
Air you well, Mr.. Secky :" says !. as your
liver all right? How's your kof!'
"God bless !" said the Secky, risin hastily,
and glarin' wildly at me, " what do you mean p"
"Oh, nothin' pertickler. Only it is one of the
beauties of Republican form of Government
that Cabnit ofsser can pack mp his trunk and
go home whenever he's sick Sure nothin' don't
oil your liver |" sed !, pokin' him putty vilent in
the etummck.
called on Abe. lie received me kindly. |
handed him my umbreller and told him I'd have
check for it if be pleased That" sed he,
"puts me in mind of a little story. There
man in our parts who was so mean that be took
his wfes coffin out Of the bacl; winder, for fear
lie would rub the paint off the doorway"
"Wal, about this time there was q man in an
adjacent town who had q green cotton um
breller"
"Did it fit him well' Was it custom made
Was he measured for il ?"
Meas ured for WHAT" said Abe.
The umbreller."
Wall, as | was sayin'," continued Abe, treat
ing the interruption with apparent contempt,
" this man said he'd known that umbreller ever
since it was parasol. Ha ! ha ha !"
Voc and lar in tr,l
"but what has that to do with the man who took
bis wifes coffin out Of tue back winder 2"
ITO be sure" sed Abe" what was il a.? must
have got two stories mixed together, which puts
me in mind of another lit"
Never mind, your Excellency, + called to
congratulate you on your career, which has been
an honest and good one-unscared and unmov-
cd by Secesh in front Of you and Abolish at the
back OF yOu-each one Of which is a little wuss
than the other if possible"
AZ Tell E. Stanton that his boldness. honesty
and vigger merits all praise, but to keep his un
der garments on. Il. Stanton has apparently
only one weakness, which is this, he can't always
keep bis under garments from fyn' up over hi'
he'd. ! mean that he occasionally dances in
peck measure, and be don't look graceful at it,
:" took my departer. ".Good-bye old sweet
ness" sed Abe, shaking me cordgully by the
hand
"Adoo, my Prshayrie flower" replied, and
N''NNS ny OAi'' l"euty-Hfe tnOusduu uOlluIs
year and found" solilOquised, as | walked
down the street, lis putty good wages for a man
with modest appytite, but reckon it is wuth
il to run the white House"
Wat you bowt sab! What tho debble you
don sab ~
1t was the voice Of an Afrikin Brother thus
spoke to me. There was q cullered procession
before me which Was escortin' an elderly bold
bedded Afrlksn TO his home in Bates Alley
This distinguished Atrkan Brother had Just
returned from Lybery, and in turnin' corner
pritty suddint bad stumbled aud placed my he'd
agin his stummek in rather lengthy manner.
ado you wish TO impede the progress of this
procession, sab? ?"
Certainly not, by all means Procesh.o
And they went on.
I'm reconstructin' my Show. I've bawt col
lection of lifes fggers Of our Revolutionary
forefatbers. bot 'em at auction and got 'em
cheap. They stand me about and fifty cents
(S2 SOY per Revolutionary fereiather.
Ever as always y0urn, A. WARD.
-Vdnitu Fair.