The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-12-31
WHOLE NO. 324,

SpC!elf. ne WAS aDSufH. 80 also d Yves
tern trascdian was one night enac,ing tn,
! cheerful character Of Richard Third, and
, when he came to the line, "a horse Ia
hor.rus !" an individual in the pit arose and
said, he would take great pleasure in show.
ing him to a livery stable lie, too, was
absurd. So was the able-boded man who
claimed exemption from the draft because
he bad such large appetite. Aud from a
short DEPRESSION on absurd people the lee
turer came to speak of one particular ab
surdity. He ridculed the general impres
sion that education is all that is necessary
to carry the young man smoothly and til.
uinphantly through the world. Energy,
ambition. confidence. all Of which must be
possessed by the successful young men, were
>uccrsS:v-ly dwelt upon, the lecturer max.
ing some admirable hits which convulsed
his auditory.
Speaking Of people who put on airs the
lecturer remarked that they were alike eb-
jccts Of pity and mirth. There should be
no airs in republic, we know, but then
there are. Fortunately, however, they are
put on by small people only. The boy
who carries around water in the cars adorns
his vest with "A huge gold chain while it is
doubtful whether the superintendent of the
road has a watch in the world. Mr.. VIM.
B. Astor ordinarily wears plain suit of
clothes of the commoneSt possible material,
while Mr. Wm L. Astor's tenth clerk
probably flashes with bro4dcoth-and
owes his washer-woman." There was
anothe, absurd Individuality dignifed,
stupid old mana sort Of galvanized IDIOT
with deforned foot, who was measured
for pair Of shoes at a shoenaker's. One
shoe was to be much larger than the other,
to meet the eXi gencies of the case. Il told
you, sir said the dignitied old person,
glaring Savagely at the poor hoemaker, Il
! told you, sir, to make one of them larger
than the othrr, and here you've gone aad
made one smaller | hate airs don't
own dog; haven't d dog skin; haven't
a bunch of dogs hair; haven't even
sausage. But If had a dog, and dis
covered disposition on his part to lord it
over otter dogs, would instantly cast him
out upon merciless world to struggle for
himself
Mr.. Browne, rambling still farther from
the land of red cemetery fences, shells, and
young gorillaS, treated his audience to a
most delightful take off of hunbugs, seve-
raj Of which, lie said, weie ather cheerful
| than otherwise
There was an who originated plan
for building houses without chinmrys. He
was humbug. Fortunately only one indvi-
dual was found weak minded enough to
try the plan. He built him a house with
out any chimney, and used to carry out
the smoke in vaisc--a very tedious pro-
cess, particularly if the family happened
to be boiling soap. But there is a humbug
| I,,,h; oh = i,,l. ,I 4
patriotism There are some hum
bug patriots to my cer'aiu knowledge. who
are in favor Of letting the 'wayward sisters
depart in peace. Now, it the 'wayward
sisters must depart, want too see them,
not IN peace, but in pieces.'
And in speaking of the rebellion he said
"Thls pretty good war. am in favor
Of this war, every day in the week, Sun
days not excepted. Whether this war has
been conducted in remarkably brilliant
manner is a question upon which gentlemen
may be allowed to differ. But there can
be no doubt on one p"int--our armies in
the field h ~ covered themselves with i'm
periShable glory. 1t is a pity that the glo
ri US old man-our great Scott--well nam
ed WINFIELD, could not find the youth giv-
ing water, about which Ponce de Leon had
such rosy dreams, and which he vainly
sought in the beautiful land of the Fl,Iid,s.
I've want-but let me put it in the form
Of an adverti Sement:
"'WANrEp One Washinst1 IN and . Napol.on.--
| To those coming well recommended Sterdy situation
ana good wages will be given Apply immediately to
"'CNCLE SAM"
As there We're great many young peo
pie In the audience, the lecturer next con.
>Idered an "ther species of humbug court
ing and matt imony. Love in a cottage"
he sad, "is very fine thing. Love and
a little money in "A cottage however, are
two fine things, and we should wish they
might always go together. | am not very
partial to love IN cottage, with O crust
and twelve children, nor do consider the
county poor house a very fine residence for
i blooming bridegroom to lead his new
made family TO; yet think it Far better
for those who love to marry without u large
bank accouat, than for those who don't
love to marry under any circumstances
even independent circumstances. Love NAV
be blind, but lovers are not--scarcelv. 1t
is the old folks who are blind l. is anus.
ing to see their amazemcnt when they sud
denly discover that the strongest kind of
love making has been for long time going
on right under their very noses. Foxes are
not half as sly as lovers who can court with
their eyes.
The Snowman then told in his character
is ic style of description, and in very
ch ,rming colorS, an incident which he once
witnessed. But we shall let him speak for
himself:
"A few months ago, on wild night, |
stood watching conhagration in coun
try village, not far away. The hotel where
| had only the day before registered my
name, was on fire, and | was silently be- +;
wall!ng the loss OF my new clothes. The |
landlord had an only daughter, who was
just on the point OF marrying a man who c |
ppahHpss'aR Marry rfto loo young 1t is pleasan, to
know that these people were old enough. -
The lady was on the shady side Of thirty, |
and Abjah will never see forty again.
stood there, and near me stood AbiJh. -.
There was shriek-a female shrick-
and the landlords daughter, her hair in
wild disorder, aud her toilette in gene
rally disturbed condition, threw herself
wildly on Ab,jah's manly bosom. She
wept as though her heart would break, poor
thing; and even Abijah's eyes were not
dry. Dearest she moaned, wen part no
more Then 4 startling though seemed
to strike her, for she released herself quick
ly from Abj,h's embrace. and exclaining,
Oh! thunder! I've forgotten my tea
spoons 7 she darted toward the burning
house. Bat hsir tea spoons were burned
and could not adorn the tea cups and sau-
GERS of Abijah and his Betsey. 1t was a
sad sight, and might have even affected the
finty heart Of Captain Semmes Of the Eng-
liSh neutral ship of war, the Alahama.-
Ajax dciying Jersey lightning at forty cts
bottle, WASH a circumstance
Returning in time to the theme he had |
selected, the hunorlst closed his lecture AS |!