The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-01-29
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= Southern entertainment-masked

UallS.
= The hard necessities of war-shot
and shell.
= The worst kind of Poor Mans Plas-
ter-a shinplaster.
= The time for action is to-day; for
reaction, tomorrow.
: A good medicine for intestine con-
vulsious-Dalghren pills.
- Man and wife, like verb and nomi-
native, should always agree.
: A wind that doesn't blow this year
tho southern trade wind.
- Cause of the Earih's eruptions-
inflammation on its bowels. ..
=" Oh, you be bowed,' as the blue
bottle vulgarly said to the veal.
Where Mcclellan gathered the
wreaths of yctory-on Laurel Hill.
= Successful love takes n load from
our hearts and puts it upon our shoulders.
= To keep warm on cold day, wo.
men double the cape, and men double the
horn.
- Don't locate yourself on the back
of wild horse unless you wishIto be dis
located.
My Dear-An expression used by
man and wife at the commencement of n
quarrel.
= Doubts may weaken a strong po-
sition, but re-doubts always strengthen a
weak one. . -.t IN -..
- To ascertain whether woman is
passionate or not, take muddy dog into
her parlor. t,. us
= They have a man out West so tall
that he lets himself out at camp meetings
for steeplc.
- Why are the secession leaders like
turkeys? When their necks are stretch
ed there will be general thanksgiving.
:" Why did Adam bite the apple 2"
said schoolmaster TO n country boy
" Because he had no knife, sir" said the
boy. -.s
- An old bachelor, seeing tho words
Families supplied" over tho door of a
shop, stepped in and said he would take
n wife and two children.
= The Richmond Enquirer says the
Southern people can raise any article of
Yankee industry. Some wag coolly asks,
why don't they raise the blockade?
A Dutchman speaking of this coun-
try, said: 81 had one pony, vich l lost,
a Yankee found him and pounded him,
and ven l swore by tam, he pounded me. /"
= "Fine complexion Mrs. IL. has got"
said Brown to his friend Bristles, the ar
tist. Il know it." replied Bristles, "she
and | buy our colors at the same shop"
-" Come here, and tell me what the
four seasons are" Young progidy an.
swers, "pepper, salt, mustard and vine
gar; thcm's what mother always seasons
with"
= A southern editor remarks, "the
only journey-naen employed in our office
are Women." We should be gratifed to
learn how the angels agree with the DEE
IL in that office. 't
- "'Tintionw said an Irish serrean.
to his platoon, "front face, and 'tind to
rowl call. AS many of We as is presint
say here;' and as many of ye as is not
presint will say absent
- A man carrying cradle was stop
ped by an old woman, and thus accosted
$50, sir, you have got some of the fruit
Of matrimony." "Soitly, old lady," said
he, "you mistake, this is merely the fruit
basket"
-" Wife, l thought you said you
were going to have goose for dinner" /"
$50 | did, and I've kept my word. y
K" Where is it?" "Why, my dear, amt
you here for dinnerW Jones couldn't see
the point of that joke.
= A captain, lately a railroad conduct.
or, was drilling squad, turned to friend
for moment. On looking again to-
wards his squad, he saw they were in the
act of butting up" against fence. In
his hurry to halt them, he shouted out,
Z" down brakes" t
= A sailor dropped out of the rigging
of ship. war some fifteen or twenty
feet, and fell plump on the first lieuten-
ant. "Wretch," said the officer, as he
gathered himself up, "where did you
come fromw "And, sure, | came from
the north of Ireland, your honor"
= Two Irishmen in crossing field
came in contact with donkey who was
making " day hideous" with bis unearth-
" braying. Jenny stood moment in
astonishment, but turning TO Pat, who
seemed as much enraptured with the song
as himself, remarked, "It's a fine large
ear that bird has for music, Pat, but sure
ho,s s,oi an owfnl covld y