Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-02-01

tlClp2teO. Long I'VE our uOSC anu nOSl-
ess!
Our ExPER1ENcE.-Yeste rday, be-
coming convinced that call things earth
ly must fade" by glancing at our slight
ually worn wardrobe, jumped on board
bob-sled with the mercury 100 below
Cicero, and soon brought up at Ros-
sier's in Centralla. Then the thought
occurred to us shat our little wife must
be cared for as we'll as ourself; SO in
CURED the price Of big skooped hurt
was informed by Rossier that that
commodity, like cotton goods, had had
an upward tendency since the blossom
ing of the Southern Rebellion-in short,
skooped hurts chad raised;' SO didn't
buy. We then priced some store klose,
and made strike for suit at --
dollars; started for place of biz, and in
the quiet OF bolted room, don'd the
aforesaid garments, and then sailed
forth as big as life, feeling like turkey
gobbler with a bright flannel string
tied to his leg. Met old acquaintances,
none recognized lis, felt grieved, indig-
nant. Met an old, gray-headed man
with green goggles, who accosted us
thus: ''Mr. Ferguson, about that little
check" Check be ID, who's Fer
guson? Allow me to inform you,
cap" said we, that these pants are
bran new, paid and receipted for; if
there's little check that's my bust
ness; passed on; old codgcr sloped.
Met short, buliet-headed cuss, who
stopped us, politely intimating that per-
haps Mr.. Aston would like to invest
something in Waupacca r. r. enter
prize. Who in HI is Aston, thought
We, and felt confident we had no r. X.
bonds in vest or any other pocket >
didn't hit him, for we never strike fools
or cripples; passed on. Small boy
shouted, Hillo, Mack, got a new suit,
eh?" Suits all gone to the Supreme
Court, to be reversed if Gods willing,
thought we, and again struck for home,
not noticing youngster. Another trial
of patience. Old John Snobby going
to town with cord wood squeaked out:
Il say, Mack, what done with old
hat, eh ?" Doned him for twenty five
cents he owed us, and told him we pro-
posed to indulge in new hat for short
time, if he'd no objections. John ac-
quiesced, and we got home, only to
meet with cool reception from the
partner Of our bosom had to disrobe
to convince her we were Mack and OF
an itinerant preacher. Baby wouldn't
speak to us and the cat spat at us, so
We left for more genial cline.
Ran tie gauntlet safely till we met
an elderly matron, who thought we
were her divorced 'tother half who
had been in his day gay deceiver.-
She thanked us for that draft which
we had enclosed toher and thQngkt we
might again live together in the holy
bonds of Paddock, and was so sorry,
&C., &c. When we dried her up,
short-moter, by informing her VS. want
to be duped by her or any other man. -
but about that draft, if she'd just slip
into the evergreen" we'd take a
draft o'hot stuff with her. Great
Guns home she sloped. She ne,c
we'd never been her sleeping partn er.
Thought our trouble was all over when
the new school Sup erintennent collar.
ed us and made US go into the
Gem and we, our breeches, which
F we did, without damage to the fabric
being as it was, madden color, we kept
| cool as possible but kept getting mad
: der and madden until the quiet of ou1
little place of biz produced An equiib
f rum in our feelings quite agreeable t.
S zee. In the evening we went to Grace.
surprise party, and there ENCOUNTERED
t another trouble, for the girls pulled u
q so much that they took the stifenin!
$ out of our collar, store klose, and eve
S ry thing else we lad on. The mex
r suit we propose TO wear is ADAM
Garden Of Eden amir.