Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1862-09-12
From Vanity Fair.
EATHAN SPIKE IN TROUBLE.
CANADY, Aug. 9th.

l amt pleasantly sitooated up here
quite contra wise. The kernucks don't
seem to appreciate the moral courage that
must actooate feller critters bussum
afore he kims to the skedaddlin pint. On
ly yesterday, one Of the benighted critters
told mo l was ga white-livered yankee
cuss !'' / axed him eff he war in earnest I?
He said he war, an l forguv him-though
eff it hadn't ben for maxim fuss between
4he two countries, an eff he hadn't looked
as though he could lick me, I'd have
knocked his greasy fur cap into the mid
die of nexth month-an ef his he'd had
gone with it ] shouldn't hev keered. l
materially feel dissapinted, for l caounted
on fatterin reception-but there amt
marry fatter attached to it. Decidedly
cool-borderin on the frosty.
l would 60 back, but darsent--my fec
BILE health wont stand draft. | oilers
TUX cold eff | sot in q common draft, and
the official one they ar gittin up daoun in
the states, though it may save the gineral
CONSTRUCTION, would ruinate mine-it
makes Shakin Quaker of me jest to think
abaout it. Eff there was any way to make
me inwulnerable to baggernuts, minnow
rifles, comickal shells, and sich like gear,
twould be different. Ef they could put
me in a dry dock---for instance-and turn
me aout iron-clad, SOS l was sure nothin
could hurt newly, I'd jest as lives 60
round buttin other folks as not-l think
the Monitor line would suit me--but my
physical corporal system is too valooable
in every pint of view-to be exposed
in unprotected state of natur.
Do you suppose they would draft me eff
l went back? | skersly think twould be
constitutional. I've gained a resident
here-an would kim under the statoote
perwided for furriners. I'm too old, was
a candydate for offs under the general
government-nobody kin prove that was
born in the United States-I tried to jine
the Quakers-haint got teeth enough to
bite catridge-never he'd the mumps-
might be TUX with EN- at any time-the
smell of gunpaowder makes me sick, spec
tally when its mixed with lead--such kim
ickal combinations never agreed with me.
Eff these disabilities don't constitoot me an
alien under the haabeas Korpus act, wot
ar aour free institootions good for? El
I've constitoonal objection to gunpowdel
-taint my fault--its oilfactory pervis
ion of natur-thats what it is. Ef pre-.
fer keepin my human form dcvine hull, tc
hevin it bored full of holes, SOS twould
look more like cullender than the no.
blcst work of God-dont | show good
taste i? I'm willin them as is differently
sot up by natur should 60 to war-in fact
l want EN- to--why cant they be equally
ginerous and let me stay to hum?
Here's sitooation-a sitooaticn Of the
distressedest kind-for a man who's oilers
bin respected feller citizen I've lost
my own country-an furain nations dom
want me-I'm ostrichised, expatiated. and
dis frankinchised--a Wanderin Jew Of
the nineteenth sentry--cant get a footholt
anywheres. Noah's duv was more fortin
it-she could 60 back--I cant-there''
no ark for me, nor nobody to open thu
window eff there was.
I shall probably starve to death jis
like the children in the wood--only don
bleve these Kernuck robbings will taxi
the trouble to kiver me up.
Ef the last words of dyin unfortin
it will hev any effect-on them who i
turnin their eyes in this direction
would say, don't do IT,! Better run tn
risk of nineteen drafts-better stand ye
chance of hevin your bones billed an mad
into ornyments to adorn she-seceshers
than to find yerself stranger in thi
unaccaountably strange land.
I've tried every mcthod-except work
to get an honest livin here. Thar ar tw
or three feller skedaddles here who airn
liyin as furrin correspondents for the Try
buuc. tried the dodge an writ to Hol
ris, but he haint bin sivil enough to repl