The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-04-23
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
LET not the stream of your life always
be murmuring stream.

| - - -. - 80.
LET not the stream of your life always
be murmuring stream.
A MAN is, as general rule, compen-
sated for small brain by big tongue.
IT is only in the world of dreams that
we have the rainbow without the storm.
AN artificial florist lately described
himself as "head gardener to the ladies'"
AS man drinks he generally grows
reckless; the more drains the fewer scru-
pies.
GOLDSMITH says that woman decked
out in all her charms is the most terrible
object in creation.
A YOUNG man, upon being joked on
the slow growth of his beard, gave as an
excuse that " heavy bodies move slowly"
"MY dear sir, you have used my half
Of our case of champagne" "Oh, yes !;
you are my friend, and always take
your part"
81 RISE for information" said men,
Der Of legislative body. ~ am very
glad to hear it," said bystander, "for
no man wants it more"
ONE by one the objects Of our affection
depart, but our affections remain, stretch
ing forth, like vines, their broken, wound
ed tendrils for support.
A YOUNG and beautiful damsel, having
two lovers, and not knowing which to
prefer, settled the matter by marrying one
and eloping with the other.
SMALL boy Ito swell who is trying his
utmost to preserve his balance y" Oh,
yer want to shake hands, do yer! I'm
sure I'm 'appy to see yer, sir"
"DosT thou clean my furniture, fair
bandmaideu9" inquired N, of the pretty
servant who was polishing his escritore.
"I DUST" replied the handmaiden.
Why are two young ladies kissing each
other an emblem of Christianity9 Be-
cause they are doing unto each other as
they would men should do unto them.
THERE is deed on file, in Cambridge,
Mass, which describes piece of land as
bounded by " "stumps and stones, where
Daniel Harrington licked William Smith"
"MY friend has a great reverence for
the TRUTH" said baronet to q gentle
man. $50 l perceive" was the reply
for he keeps respectable distance from
it,"
Two months ago George N. Sanders
issued proclamation inviting the great
Northwest to come into the Southern
Confederacy. The great Northwest has
gone in.
BEN, what is the reason they call you
and me indeuted appreutices?" al don't
know" replied Ben, "except it's because
Boss lcks US with a stick and dents us
all over"
A DETROIT paper mentions the arrest
Of woman in that city, "with nothing
on her person but a love letter and an
ambrotype." Rather poctical aud pic
turesque costume that.
A sEcEsH woman in Tennessee asked
a Union soldier: "How far back does
your army extendw "Why, Madam it
reaches to the north pole, and when left
two other regiments were trying 10 get
in"
IT IS said that the average number of
battles soldier goes through is about
five. We know of an old maid, says a
down-east editor, who has withstood four
teen engagements, and has powder enough
left for as many more.
"LANDLoRD," said seedy pedagogue,
somewhat given to strong liberations,
81 would like q quautum of spirits, a
medium of moasses, in conjunction with a
little water; but deal largely in the spir-
its, thou man Of mixtures"
A SHAMELESS cotemporary, bachelor,
says: "The reason why women do not
cut themselves in two by tight lacing is
because they lace around the heart and
that is so hard they cannot affect it,
He ought TO be kicked TO death by female
butterflies.
A SMALL metoric stone fell on pond
near Springfield the other day, and came
nigh hitting boy. He must have been
as much astonished as the negro was
when struck squarely on the head by light
ming, who, feeling the shock, looked up
and said, "stop frowiu' things"
A MECHANIC, having taken a new ap-
prentice, awoke him the first morning at
a very early hour, by calling out that the
family were sitting down to the table,
"Thank YOU" said the boy as he turned
over in bed TO adjust himself for new
nap; "thank you, but l never eat any
thing during the night"
A sToREKEEPER painted the lower
part of his stove red, and thereby saved
seyenty-fiye per cent, in the consumption