Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1862-08-20
WHOLE NO. 1894.
From the \. Y. supday Mercury.

orange county HowltZers, attached to the
Mackeral Brigade, have reduced a rebel
and reconstructed" him. The battle
was conducted on strictly Constitutional
principles, and is said to have given great
satisfaction to the Democratic party:
FROM WASHINGTON,
EDITOR I. THE stirring times are
come again, the maddest of the year, and
am beginning to believe, my boy, that
what is 10 be will be as what has been has.
Though still without my gothic charger
Pegasus, that symmetrical racer having
been borrowed for writing desk by
Secretary Of the Fronterior, l am enabled
to keep up communication with the Mack
eral corpse dznims down the river, and ten
thousand Star-Spangled Banners flash
thro' my veins as relate the recent great
artillery expedition of the Orange Coun,
| " Hovitzers.
! 1t seems, my boy, that an intellectual
member Of the Mackeral brigade got tired
OF investing Yorktown, and wandered
away in pursuit of adventure. As he
peregrinated in the neighborhood of
rebel domicil, he beheld what he took for
the bird OF our country, stalking out of
| the barn-yard, and was taking measures
to confscate it when the proprietor sud
denly made his appearance, and says he
''Hessian. spare that goose!"
The Mackeral chap gave tragic start.
and says he:
lis the eagle would rescue, Horatio;
the bird celebrated by my brother the
Congressman, in all his speeches"
We'll" says the foul traitor, 1T is un-
doubtedly what the Congressman takes
for an Eagle, as unaware that Congress
men generally treat the American Eagle
as if 1t were a goose but as that gander
| happens 10 belong 10 one of the very First
/ Families of Virginia, and cost me four
shillings, 1t becomes my painful duty to
resist your habeas corpus act" And with
that he dl owe the beautiful bird into the
barn-yard, and then locked the gate.
| Fired to fury by this insult from one of
those whom our army had come to pro-
! tect, the Mackeral chap went immediate
| ly back 10 quarters. and appealed to his
comrades for vengeance.
That gifted officer, Samyule Sa-mith,
heard his burning words, and says he:-
The cannon Of the Union shall speak in
this matter. Let the Orange County
! HowitzerS get ready for action, and will
lead them against the Philistines."
Instantly arose the note of the dread
full preparation; the guns were modified,
SIX English gentlemen in the hosier bust
ness were invited to witness the coming
battle, and just as the moon rose above
the trees, the artillery started for the reb-
ell stronghold.
Arriving before the offending house, the
/ howitzers were placed in line, and all got
ready for the bombardment. 1t was lust
possible, my boy, that two men might
have marched into that house and cap
tured the misguided Confederacy without
slaughter. You may be unable to see
what use there was in bringing artillery
and forming line of battle; but you are
very ignorant, my boy you know moth
ing about strategy and war.
Soldiers" says Samyule, remember
that the eyes OF the whole world are up
on you at this moment, and endeavor to
hit the house as often as possible. We
will fire one round without ball." saya
Samyule, ''to see if the powder is frat
class"
Now it chanced that while the loading
| up was going on, the gallant Lieutenant
| Lemons got his legs wonderfully entan-.
| gled in the lanyard of his piece, ana kept
turning around in a manner strongly ex-
pressive of nervous agitation. Suddenly
| he stepped across to where Samyule was
standing, and whispered in his ear.
! 20, see," said Sanlyule kindly, you
were educated al West Point, and don't
| know which end OF the cannon ought to
be pointed at the enemy. Well" says
Sanyule einstructively, you'd better point
the end with the hole in it." .... --
| Everything being in readiness, my boy.
the combined battery launched its thun-
ders on the air, creating a great sensation
in the neighboring hen-roosts, and caus-
ing large rooster 20 fall from branch
in the midst of his refreshing slum6er.
Now that the powder has sustained its
reputation says Samyuie impressively.
"let the two inch balls be hurled az the
euemy's works"
As the house was full ten yards of, this
second discharge failed TO hit it; but it
/ brought the Southern Confederacy to the
window, in his night-cap, and says he:
There's no use of my trying 10 sleep,
il you chaps keep making such noise
down there"
/ Unhappy man, says Samyule solemn
| ", I'VE come here toreduce you, and will
| listen TO nothing bu, unconditional sur
render"
The Confederaey gaped, and says he:
/ ''T'm sleepy, and can't talk 10 you now
and I'll call over in the morning" And
| he shut down the window and went back
| to bed. A frown was observed to steal
over the face Of Samyule. He has a pc
culiar countenance, my boy, and frown
affects it strangely. Take his mouth and
moustache together, and they remindyou
/ of mouse summing on the edge Of his
I hole; and when the frown comes on the
mouse acts as though he had the stomach
ache.
Comrades" says Samyule, 1.-The enemy
/ requires another round, and we must do
it on the square. Fire" ..-
/ Like four and twenty thunderstorms
the Hovitzers roared together, and had
not the Orange County veterans forgotten
70 put in any balls, there is a reason to
believe that some windows would have
3 been broken. Another discharge howev-
/ er was more successful, as it knocked the
/ top off the chimney. -
The Southern Confederacy appeared at
the window again, and says he:
( If YOU fellows don't quit that racket.
down there, you'll irritate me pretty
soon" .-.1 B..
J THIS significant remark caused seces-
sion OF the commandment and Samyule
hastily called council of war.
Gentlemen, says Samyule, "a new is
sue has arisen. If we irrItate the South
ern Confederaey, all hopes Of future I'm
/ ion and reconstruction may be destroyed"
A chap who was a Democrat famed up
at this, and SAYS he:
The abolitionists caused this terrible
war; and it is our business as no party men
to finish it Constitutionally. If we irri-
tate this man, no power on earth will ey-
er make him submit 10 reconstruction.-
Ask him."
Here the Democratic chap took good
taste of tobacco, and sighed for his country.
Mr.. Davis" says Samyule to the Con-
federacy at the window, ''if we do not ir-
structed?" .......... -...