Litchfield enquirer., 1862-01-09
SHORT SERMONS. BY A LAYNAN.-No. ELEVEN.
AN EXCHANGE" sERMoN;-oN DANCING

TEXT. Ls Dancin' morally Kong?
 Mi deerly beluved Brethering; I'u. goin 2 Prech you dai on thee Crate Cweschun Is dancn' morallee Rong!' you needunt oapin Your boocs 2 find the tex, Caus it aint Thar this is tex you cant find in Enni nv Thee boocs fur it aint thar, Caus its an earijinell tex wch aroas in mi mind rum The intootly Perception uv Rite an wrong wch, is Naterey givun on 2 ole men, but mee in purtickler. Deerly beluv. cd Brethering, 700 no aint mutch booclarnin' nary bitt hardlee, but Els ced before, mi inter- nell Sens uv Rite an Kong is so Crate that kin Verree we'll despens with oil sich karnel van nitees. Now, deerly beluved Brethering you must oil no, you CAN'T HELP noin' in your oan harts, that Dancin' air morallee Kong, but fur feer that Crate Temptur the Devull, shood Get in yoor harts, an tri to pus 'waid you that it iz Rite, amm goin' argyoo the pint with 700. an in awrder doc so mi satusfactson an 2 your convicshn, Will devde the Tex in 2 4 parts. an end with fyoo practekel remarcs on the tex in gineral.
 'Fust-What is dancin' ?-Whi, deerly beluv. ed Bretherng halnt skersely no need 2 ax 700 The Cweschun. caus 700 must oll no whot it iz, cous 700 hev oil been practissen so mutch lattice -Whi, how do you spell dancin' ?-Wh the taste sillebull uv The wurd is enuff tell yon whot dancin' is s?-Whi, itz cin and grate 2 an no misstaic-thats jest what it iz-I doant kair hill uv beens whethur you wolz, uv poker UT dans 3 jgg UT a cwintullyyun, or a Frensh For UT han real, itz oil thee saim an doant ammount shnks nohow fur itz a reglar cin--a reglar dounright shaim Thee commyoontyes that Endujes in Thee awbnockus praktes--an now, dearly beluved Brethering, ez have fooly ecksplan d whot dancin' Reely iz, We cum 2 Thee sekund pawrt, wich iz:
 Sekund, 'Whot iz Morrallitee ?-Whi, deery beluved Brethering, Morraitee iz thee doing whot iz Rite, an Thee knot dooin whots Kong, that's just whot it iz but to bring this Truth uv sich Treemenjoons importans us oil hoam 2 yoor minds, will tac the libburte uv illustrain it with UT 3 eckampuls, wich air jest 2 Thee pint. Now, Jeremiah Titeman wen 700 traded bosses with John Trooman, last foll, an you toald him that yoor floss wus sownd and in good condishon, wen it Wus almost blind an hadd the heevs in Thee bargin that want morrallitee an i'll tell 700 whi--caus 700 didn't Doc Rite, an caus 700 didd do Kong, an no mistaic-an SAIL. l BRIrE wen 700 went Toun last summur, with out yoor husband noin', and bawt lot uv moo dressus, make peepul thine 700 was mitee Rich. an ollmoast Rooind yoor huzbend in konsec- wens, that want morrallitee, an 700 no it Now, an yoo didd no it Then mtee eceH, an no misstaic. Au' Siias Slnofsosl, wen 700 cent mee That big turkee, an that Pale of Apple Sass, last thancs- giving an hoaped we wood find considerable dee uv plaishur in Eaten them, then, thar Wa mt hutch morrallitee in That nuther-caus whi --caus Thee turkee wus so plaguy turf Wee couldn't kut it in 2 after it was oil stuffed an billed up nice, an caus The applsass wus so sour Wee coodnt eet it Nohow. S1LAs SMoLsoLE aint 700 ashaned uv yoorself fur treetin' thee Pasture uv this fawc, thee sheppurd hoo taics care uv yoo in slch a wal Eff 700 ant, 700 or ter bee, an, that's oil hev say Too. jest now SILAs SMoLsoAI, an no misstaic But Alissus FREEHARr. wen 700 cent mce that cwarter of Beaf an the krock'u 'uv Butter. last Krismus, that was real Troo morrallitee, and caus whi ?-Caus it was real kind acksun, caus Thee beef wus tendur an caus Thee buttur was nice an fresh. An Missus FREEHARr 700 deserve A wonderfool site uv Praiz fur it, sn am jest hutch obleejed you now Fur it as i wus wen 700 cent it an hope 700 will doc Thee saim thing next Kris mas, an hoap oil the kongregaishun will Doc jest the saim thing. An now, as hev discusst morrallitee, an proov'd 700 jest whot it z an whot it izent, will prosede 2 Thee 3d pawrt
 Thurd. 'Whot is Kong Mi deerly beluved Bretherng Kong iz Thee doin' whot izent Rite an Thee knot doin' whot izent Kong but ez I hev disstngwish'd betwee Rite an Kong in Thee preeseedin pawrt, it Wood bee Crate waiste uv time sai it oil ovur agin, an so Will prosede Thee 4th pawrt.
 Foarth. Is dancin' morralee Kong Mi deer. ly beluved Brethering, this iz Thee Crate ewes. chun wich wee hev cum hear this Dai diskus. Mi Brethering, dancin iz Rong-in koars it iz, I IL Kan [ Dee uO utHuEMJZ, C6uS u IZ d OldtS waiste uv time, caus wen 700 mite bee to hum, huskin korn, UT Pairin appls, UT dooin' suthn els that Wus poosi'l, 700 waiste oil yoor preshus time dancin', an that ain't Thee wust uv it, 700 gett Ded drunc on Pisend whiskee, an eett ftin' with Sum Teller, an cum hum in Thee mornin' with Pare uv blak iz, an sweld Fais, an Yoor he'd aikin', an hev lai Tn Bed oil Thee nex' dai, afoar Yoo ken doc ennie moar wurc. Yees, mi deer Brethering, Thee Crate eevH con nektid with dancin' z, drinkin' whiskee an get. tin in cwarillis. Yoo kant help it nohow, caus if 700 go dauciz yoor shoor doc it. Sum- bodice hands rownd Thee Ticker, an Yoo heo 2 drinc, caus Thee others doc, an then, p'r'apps sumboddeee triz 2 taic awai yoor gall, UT sais suthin' desparJin yoor pryd, an then Too Hair up an kik Rite straite in him, an of Yoo gifts lickd oil 2 thundur, an kant doc notbin' fur a week aftur. That's jest how it iz. an Yoo kan; denni 1t, nary nv Ybo. But now, deerly beluv- ed Brathssing, jest Kssun me an will giv' I Yoo q fsoo .roo1s to Konduct yourselves, wich i Wood Addvys Yoo ollwais bair in mind, an 700 mai bee assyoord that Too will never Go Bong, nary time.
 Il tFust-Ncvur Go danc.
 I 'sekund-Efyoo do Go adanc. doan't Drinc eny Whiskee. Il sThurd-do do do drinc whiskee, doant 700 git drunc.
 Ii do 4, r;t Jr,,no f,;t or.r