The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1862-03-22
+, Skating a Humbng.

give an account of his travels, replied
"Thou Commanded me, o queen, to relate
the history of my woes s. is with feel
ings of the same description IOnly more SO
thatI address discriminating public, in
the hope that my exampls will prove a
warning to all similarly tempted. But a
few days since some one published an arti-
Gle on "'Skating as Fine AFt;" the man
must have been insane Sliding. say, is
q humbng and what I say know by sad
experience. Listen for monent and you
will agree with me. -.
Last spring, while walking with Aramin
ia through tile sylvan shades of the Cen
trial Park, that charming young female went
into ecstacies over what Tin her igHorance)
she termed the elegance and gracefulness of
the amuse ment of SIX ating, and after avow
ing her determination to acquire its myster
les during the coming winter, or go down
into an untimely grave, turned to me and
exclaimed, in a tone of melting sweetness.
"And you, Mr.. Smith, ;" (my name is Smith)
"you will teach me, am sure - The
voice, the glance, the pressure on my arm
which accompanied it, made my heart go
pit,a-pat,i faster than pleased rabbits tail.
Need say that at once embrac ed the pro-
posal, and as much of the propo ser as I.
could, without attracting public attention 2
On returning to the paternal roof it sudden,
ly struck me that had forgotten one inn
portant thing in rashly making this promise
IA could not skate. Horror Alter one
moments reflection, seized my hat and
rushed to find Jones, met him in Broad
way, and collared him SO quickly that every
one looked around, and "a small boy halloed
''Police - instantly. .-5
.'Jones!' I exclaimed, ''I have got to
learn how to skate, right off. How is it
to be done go h TO- -111 @brH ''
'.Let go my collar, Smith, was the re-
ply of the somewhat ira to Jones, sand don't
get 30 somehow or other) excited. You
can learn easy enough if you viii buy a
pair of parlor skates.'
.'Jones,'' I returned, relinquiahing his
cellar, as requested, you're my preserver;
what will you take?" s.s s,..
Jones took something. arranged his col
lar, and we bought the best pair Of parlor
skates money could procure. Full direc-
tons were given by the skateman. "Only
have your floor smooth and keep your skates
well creased, and you will go like bird y
was his encouraging remark, as he handed
them over to me with the change.
"Greasel What do you grease them With?''
COIL" he answered solemnly.
I bought half gallon at once. Jones
gave me his advice, 100. ''Always go ahead.
and if you don't get excited, you will do
the outside edge backward in a week
Outside edge backward - I said,
"what's that ?'' taEt1s
''This STYLE" answered Jones. standing
as he spoke, on his right leg, and twisting
himself as though trying to look at his
coat tail under his left elbow. stood on
my right leg and tried to catch glimpse
of my right coat tail under my elbow, but
not succeeding. remarked that 81 didn't see
it, Thereat Jones laughed as though I
had said good thing.
Next morning started very quietly down
to the extension room, an hour and half
before breakfast, to try to do the ''outside
edge backward" as per instructions. Down
sat to put on my skates, but somehow the
straps always got in snarl, and they didn't
seem to 90 on. Indeed the break fast bell
rang Just as got the first to fit, which put a
stop to skating for the present. After
breakfast I started up again. This time it
only took me twenty minutes to get them
both on. Off went-right left, right left,
according to the direction in the ''Skater's
Manual" which had also purchased; but,
leaning too far forward, went down ''ker
chunk I looked at the book. All ska
ters must not lean too far forward ], Try it
again. Right, left, right leaned too
far backward this time, my heels went up,
my head went down bang-and smashed
the balf-gallon can had bought to grease
my skates, before knew what was to pay
The conclusion was terrifc-the windows
ratified all over the house-stars danced be-
| fore my eyes-and instead of one, fifty oil
leans seemed to be scattered around. / was
almost collapsed, but energy. and a quart
of oil that had got down the back OF my
neck, together with .reyiying sen alton
produced by the GOODNESS of the oil-cloth
where had split the seat out of my unmen
ttionables, brought me up in few minutes
nearly as good as new: The damage was
all done and the oil gone, and I had moth
| ing to do but mind Jones and not get excl
ted. Suddenly an idea struck me. + The
directions were to keep tho floor smooth
and nv skates CREASED. Here was chance
to do both. Oil is the cheese, thinks I; and
| in about five minutes, with the help Of q
broom, the aforesaid oil was being rapidly
distributed, about half an inch deep. over
| the whole of the floor. f:s f..e41- ftea
q Just at this moment in rushed mother,
sis. and the Governor, who had heard my
unlucky tumble, and thought that had
hung myself and the rope had brokens or
that something else equally horrible was TO
,.Ob, James what has happened ?" was
the cry-when up went their heels, and
down went the old lady on one side. and
sis on the other, and the governor end over
end over them both, all into the thickest
part of the half gallon. Dire was the con-
/ fusion, during which Iiefs. This was my
first experience on lPGrtOr skates. .sL@t.iG
After menth' practice. however, I got
so ], could go along nicely BY working well
with my shoulders and swinging my hands