Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1862-03-08
Srlctt Gale.
SKATING A HUMBUG.

There is q quotation familiar to oil school.
boys, where some old fellow of pinus memory,
90 being requested by Queen Dido TO give
40 account Of his travels, replied "Thou
commsndes. me Queen 10 relate the history
Of my woes."
1t is with feeling Of the same description
(ouly more SOY that address discriminating
public, ir the hope that my example will
prove q warning to oil similarly tempted
But Few Gays since some one published
an article on "Skstipg as fioe arl." The
man must have been insane J.! Skating, say,
is hunbug and what soy know by sad
experience. Listen for a moment and you
will agree with me
Last spring, while walking With Araminta
through the sylvsn shades OF the Central
Park, that charming young female went iuto
ecstscies over what (n her ignoraDce) she
termed the elegance and gracefuluess Of the
amusement Of skating. and after avowing her
determination TO acquire its mysteries during
the coming winter, or go down into nn
untimeIy grave, turned to me ard exclaimed
in tone of melting sweetness And you,
MIR. Smith, (my name is SMITH you will teach
me am sure y The voice, The glance, the
pressure on my arm which accompanied it
made my heart go pit pat, faster than u
pleased rabbits tail. Need say that at
once embraced the proposal, and as much Of
I the proposer as | could, without attracting
| public attention.
On returning to the parental roof it sud-
denly struck ma that had forgotten one
important thing in rsshly msking this promise
that ] could rot skate, Horror After
one moments reflection, seized my bat and
rushed TO fnd Jones. ] met him in the
roadway and colIared him so quickly that
I hOr
bolered Police instantly.
"Joues ~ exclaimed, II have got to learn
to skate right oil. How is it to be done ?"
LET go my collar Smith," was the reply
Of the somewhat irate Homes. "aud don't get
20 (sometbing or olher) excited. You can
learn easy enough If you will buy o pair oi
parlor skates"
Jones" reformed, reinquishiug his collar
ca requested, You're my preserver. What
will you take"
Jones took something, arranged bis collar
anG we bought the best pair VI parlor skates
money could procure.
Fal directions we're given by the skate
man.
"Oniy have your floor smooth, and keel
your skates we'll creased, and you will 90 lik'
bird ~ was his encouraging remark, as bt
handed them over TO me with the change.
"Gresse! What Go you use TO grease then
with 2"
"Oil p be answered solemnly.
/ bought half gallon at once. Joue
g.v me bis advice too. always 60 ahead
and it you don't get excited you will d.
the 'outside edge backward in week"
"Outside edge backward !" | Inquired
Whats that 2"
This style !" answered Jones, standing, q
H., ~. IA, ,.i, .,.o, 80,
! self as though trying to look at his right Goa
' right leg and tried TO catch glimpse of IN
.. right coat tail under my elbow, but not sue
ceediug, remarked, that IL did not see it
: Thereat Jones laughed as though bad reall
said great thing.
Next morning | started very quietly dow
$ TO the extension room, an hour and ba
before breakfast, to try to do "the out sid
, edge backward" as per instructions. Dow
y sat TO put on my skates, but somehow IN
straps always got in snsrl, and they didn
seem to 20 on. Indeed, the breakfast be
rang just as got the 6:st TO fit, which put
h stop 10 skating for the present Att
breakfast / started up again. This time
took me twenty minutes to get them both o
Oh | went-right, left. right left, accordn
- to the diIe.toOs of tho Skaters Manus
70 which had also purchssted but, leaniu
too FAR forward, went down kerchunk !"
looked 10 the book. All skaters musn
lean too far forward ! Try it again. Rigt
~ left right leaned too far backward th
= time My heels went up, my head wen' dow
T. bang ! and smashed the half gallon can
had brought to grease my skates. before
- knew what was to pay. The conclusion W
terrihc-tde windows ratified al ov'r &
q house-stars danced before my eyes--ai
Is Instead Of one. Fifty oil cans seemed TO
scattered around. ! was almost collsspe,
but energy. and quart OF oil that had &
= down the back Of my neck. together with
DO reviviug sensation produced by the coolne
of the oil cloth where had split the seat
my unmentionables. brought me up in I,
minutes nearly es good as new. The dana
- was oil done and the oil gone, and l
So nothing TO DO but to mind Jones and not {
excited. Suddenly an idea struck me. 4
directions we're TO keep the floor smooth q
my skates creased. Here was chance TO
both. o | is the cheese, thinks and abe
five minutes. with the help Of broom, ,
s' the aforesaid oil was being rspidly distril
ted, about half an inch deep, over the VIII
floor.
. Just at this moment in rushed mother,
N. and the governor, who had heard my ubluS
.or tumble. and thought that had hung my'
N. and the rope had broken, or that someth
elss equally borrihis was to pay.
nOh Jauet Nlat has heppeued ?"