Weekly Trinity journal., 1862-11-22
Orpheus G. Kerr or the stuart Raid.

There is on the southern border Of Accomac,
my boy. a solitary hOnse, containing furniture
aud the necessarips of life, which the Comic Sec
iion of the Mackerel Brigade had been ordered
to guard. II stands Immediately on the verdant
banks of Awlkwyrt river, whore the STR am must
be at least ten inchs deep and as th" first regu
lar bridge is ten miles below il. of course the
Comic Section, TO guatd the house. was placed at
The end Of the bridget being a principle of
national strategy never to recOgniz" any Con
federaie raid not made across regular bridge.
Now, il happened that while the Comic S, ction
at the bridge taking short nap, having
been up very late the night before; and while
The beloved General of the Mackere Brigade
was visiting portion Of bis beautiful homrcircle
at Paris that very dirty Confedrracy, riding
in a seedy 90 cart made his appearance on the
bank of the river opposite the house, aud com
meucrd to make raid right through the water
to the shore this side. His geometrical steed wet
his feet thereby, and the wheels OF his Sqnraklhg
vehicle were dampened by this barbArinns way
of Offering irregular opposition to the Govern
ment; but what cared he for the rules OF civil
izpd warfare, which are the only auih"riz West
Point editions? Like all his Infatuated country
men, be was rendcred less than strategic by the
demon Of secession, and he crossed by The an
military ford Instead Of by the military bridge.
This is, indeed, heartSickening.
There was Mackcrel chap who slept in the
house to taxi. care of large black bottle, and
when be heard the go-cart driving up before th"
door. he stuck his head out Of the window, aud
4 says be
! What is il which you would have in these ir-
regular proceedings, Mr.. Stuart p
! The Confederate dsmOuntcd from his chariot.
tied bag of oats over his chargers head, and
says he:
. IN making a raid"
The Mackerel waved his hand southward, and
says he
. 'You'll find the bridge Just below. Don't
stay here" says the Mnck"re earnestly, " or
you'll exasperale the North to fury"
Here the Confederacy made some remark in
which the name Of the North and proiane eX
pletive were connected very closely, and pro-
cecded to bring from the house hobby horse
which stood in the hall. After placing this val
liable article in his go cart, be next brought out
cooking stove; closely following this with
some chairs, dining table, two feather beds, a
tea set four wine glasses and some tumblers, IA
looking glass. four sheets, two cottage hrdstpads,
a Brussels carpet, and a Maltese cal. with these
and few other exceptions, my boy, he made no
attempt to disturb private proprrty; thereby
proving that the Presidents proclamation has
already produced a wholesome effect in the de-
generate South.
While this was going on, the vigian Mackerel
guard descended privately from IA back window,
and made forced march to where the Comic
Section were watching something which look" I'd
/ like "a man in the Southern horizon Instantly
making known the audacous raid Of the thevmg
! Conlcderacy, and asking whether the new levies
under the Executives last call were likely to ar
rive early enough to take measures for the pre-
yentiOn Of the capture OF Washington
While the question was in debate, my boy, the
beloved General Of the Mackerel Brigade arrived
with his trunk and umbrella from Paris, and
having caused it to be trlegraphed to all the re.
liable morning journals, that the Confrderacy
was now in a fair way to be captured alive, he
at once took measures to cut off the retreat OF
the latter Captain William Brown, with Com.
| pany 3, Regiment s, was at once ordered to con
struct pOntoOn bridge across the river some
miles below, and watch it vgihntly day and
night Captain Bob Shortly and Colonel Wobcrt
Wohnson, with the Anatomical Cavalry, were
dispatched to take possession of a ralroad lead
| ing to Manassas whilst Capt. Samyule Sa mith
with the balance Of the Comic Section. was com
manded to make detour of three hundred miles
/ and pndeavor to reach the invaded house before
mid Winter set in.
All these movements were in accordance with
! profound strategy, my boy, aud cut off the Con-
| federacy from retreat by every route in the
world except the insignificant one he came by.
Satisfied that the war was going TO end in
/ about sixty days. after which we should have
time TO defeat combined Europp, the Mackerel
guard FASTENED back to the d0micil, which be
reached Just in time to find The Coniederacy top
ping his go cart with some kindling wood from
the cellar.
regret to say, my boy--I blush for my species
as make the incredible revelHti0n-that upon
receiving the information of his surrounding and
probable strategic capture by the vigilant Macke
rel Brigade, the irrrvtrent C0uiederacy burst
into hideous horse laugh, and at once proceed
ed to appropriate the poor Mackerel chaps own
shoes AID stockings. With the deepest horror
record that be also tweaked the Mackerel's nose.
81 did not intend this as permanent inva-
sion," says the impious Confedrracy, as he re
mounted his go cart and turned his geomotrical
Arabian toward the water again /; but have
just married a daughter of South Carolina-oue
OF two twins--and reckoned that needed some
things 10 set up house keeping. Farewell. foul
Hessan," says the Contederaoy, as he spla,hrd
through the water to the opposite bank, fare
thee well, and tell your fendish ruler that it
is somewhat impossible to conquer the sunny
Soatb."
The MackereI chap gazed thoughtully after
the go cart as it disappeared on the other side Of
the balmy AwlEwyet stream, and says he " Rail
on, my erring brother ; but if you'd only stayed
here one more week you might not have escaped
thus for seven whole days. Had the army been
insufficient to secure you" says The Mackere to
himself, "why there's the police"
Raids, my boy, are SO inrinscaly irregular in
their character that no provision can be made
for them in IA regular army /: hence they are
sometimes necessitated to take provisions for
themselves they go on. Yours, radantly,
ORPHEUs C. KERR.