The Portland daily press., 1862-08-12
MISCELLANY.
The Retired Tailor.

NJ AhSsAhOU AesAAOA'
Mr.. Chester, a tailor, having accumulated a
competency at his trade, determined to throw
away his shears and bodkin, and spend the re-
mainder of his life upon a farm. He purchased
several hundred acres of land in Tonawanda /;
and there was fishing ground on the estate.
Mr. Chester was delighted with his new occu-
patton, and he devoted his best efforts with un-
firing zeal to farming and fishing. Being very
deaf, he often made ludicrous plumbers, which
excited the mirthfulness of his friends and Gus
toners. His graceful and beautiful daughter
was at boarding-school at the time her father
purchased the farm. She had lover, and
promised to marry, him provided he could OBJ
tain the consent of her parent.
The young man travelled west as fast as the
railway would take him in that direction. On
the morning after his arrival he was strolling
along the banks of the creek that sweeps
throughthe village of Tonawanda, when he met
aplain old gentleman dressed in homespun,
and inquired of him "if the railway carriages
had commenced running to the Falls yet?"
principally pike and mullet," said he.
"You misunderstood me-" continued the
young man. II merely wish to know if the
trains have commenced their trips to the Falls
of Niagara, and what the fare is 2"
"From three to four cents pound"
"Do you intend to insult me"
II will let you have large quantity for two
centsn
81 have good mind to give you Gaming
for your impertinence."
"Well, if you do not choose to give it know
who will"
Il should like to know If there are any more
such fools as you are in the town of Tona-
wanda"
Eve shall make another haul in the morn
ing, before daylight"
At this instant another gentleman made his
appearance, and the stranger related his griev-
ance to him. He said:
II have been asking this old man few civil
questions, and he has given me the most inn
prtinent answers"
"Oh, he is deafw exclaimed the third party
"He is deaf as a post; but he is very fine old
gentleman-one of the most influential and
respectable men in the county, indeed. He is
not impertinent. He deals in fish somewhat,
and so do l. 1t is possible he may think that
am endeavoring to undersell him; will you,
therefore, do me the favor to write your ques-
ton on a scrap of paper, and save me from
suspicion, and satisfy yourself in regard to the
old gentleman's politeness."
The young man commenced writing, when
the old farmer-fisherman interrupted him with
the remark:
II will not take a note of hand; cash on the
nail, or no trade"
"He is preparing note" said the last conner.
3Call me brute, do you?" exclaimed Mr..
Chester; "then take that!" and, suting the
action to the word, he dealt him blow straight
from the shoulder, which Frustrated him "fat
as a founder"
By this time the note was finished, and the
old gentleman discovered his mistake-and
about this time the young stranger made the
discovery that he had been picking a quarrel
with his prospective father-in-aw.
Mr.. Chester made an apology, and invited
both parties to go over to his house to dine.
The front door commanded a view of a mead
ow in which COW was feeding; and while Mr..
Chester was looking in that direction, the
youthful lover, whose heart was overlooking
with emotion, commenced the task which he
came such long distance to perform.
am acquainted with your daughter" said
he, In loud tone.
ssShe is a fine beast" remarked the old gen.
tleman, looking at the COW.
"Your daughterw screamed the young man,
II have the honor to be well acquainted with
her."
''She is a noble ANIMAL" was the response.
sConfound the old cowl' said the young
man, in a whisper, II wish she was out Of
sight. Twas speaking about your amiable and
accomplished daughterr
"She is very kind, indeed; never breaks
down the fences, never kicks over the pail,
never strays away like other brutes have.
3You don't understand me, sir! | was
speaking of your daughter at the boarding
schoolrs
mo, never put a board on her face; she
never does any mischief at ALL"
'"Your daughter" shouted the young man,
frantic with excitement
did you say ought to?"
No, sir! was speaking of your daughter
the young lady away from homer
"Oh, yes, have plenty of room but think
she is too old to keep much longer To tell
you the truth, have made up my mind to
shut her up in the stable, and feed her on chop
stuff few weeks
Great heavens remarked the young man.
to himself "What shall do? This deafness
will be the death of mel will try once more,
and If this effort fails, / will resort to pencil
and paper again. / should like to say a word
to you respecting your daughterv
Il shall let the butcher have her by-and-by
If he will give me my price," said the old man.
with emphasis.
As a last resort the young man used his pen
ell and paper, showed his letters of introduce
ton, which were from men whose opinion was
good authority on the delicate question on the
tapis. After little cross-questioning, and a
little hesitation, the old gentlemen gave his
consent; and when the parties were married.
he declared it was the best haul he had made
In all his life.