Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1862-02-19
Douglass JerrOld's Wit and Eumc

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Douglass Jerrold's Wit and Eumor.
/ Treason is like diamonds-there's moth
ing to be made of it by the small trader
In all the wedding cake hope is the
sweetest of the plums.
/ Inc character tii:,t needs iaw to mend It
/ is hardly worth the tinkering.
| Earth is here so kind that just tickle her
with a hoe and she laughs with har-
vest.
I've heard say that Wedlock's 5 like wine
not to be properly judged of till the
second glass.
It's my belief that when woman was
made jewels were invented only to make
/ her the more mischievous.
Some people are so fond of ill-luck that
1 they run half way TO meet it.
Mems hearts Do what you Will, the
things won't break. doubt if even
they'll chip.
7 After all there is something about we'd
ding gown prettier than any gown IN the
world.
He kissed her, and promised. Such
beautiful lips! Mans usual fate-he was
| lost upon the coral reefs.
That seoundrel, siFl Why, he'd sharp
en- knife upon his fathers tombstone to
kill his mother
/ Characters like money; when you've a
great deal you may risk some; for, if you
lose it, folks still believe you've plenty to
spare.
I Fix yourself upon the wealthy. In
word, take this for golden rule through
IL Ite-never, never have friend that poor
er than yourself.
It's odd how folks will force disagree
able knowledge upon us-crab apples,
that we must eat and defy the stomach
ache.
Women are all alike. When they're
maids they're mild as milk; once make
them wives. an1 they lean their backs
against their marriage certificate and defy
you.
Ask a woman to tea party in the gar
den of Eden. and she'd be sure to draw
up her eyeliGs and scream, / can't go
without new gown
We are poor fools an6 make sad mis-
takes; but there is goodness hiyed, Ike
wild honey, in strange hooks and corners
of the world.
AS for ancestry says Smoke, truth to
speak, l am one of those who take The
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to-.Nothing."
Has not the magic of the passion hung
prison walls with garlands, and, like the
sun of old, drew hidden harmonies ont of
the very flint?
Everybody has Imagination when mon
ey is the thOught--the theme. The COM
mon brain will bubble to golden wand.
We are to apt to bury our accounts
along with our benefactors to enjoy the
triumphs OF others as though they were
the just property Of ourselves.
Every man talks of his neighbor's heart,
as though it was his own watch-a thing to
be seen in all its works, and abused for
regular going.
|. We live in twopenny times, when ehiv-
airy goes to church in the family coach,
and the god of marriage bargains for his
wedding breakfast.
He would eat oysters while his neigh
bor's house was in hames-always provid-
ed that his own was insured. Coolness
he's piece of marble, carved into broad
grin.
The marriage of loved child may seem
to a parent a kind of death. Yet here
in a father pays but a just debt Wedlock
gave him the good gift; to wedlock, then,
he owes it.
A woman's heart, like singing bird
in a cage, if neglected starves and dies /;
but for mems hearts, why they're free
birds of prey-vultures and hawks-or
thievish magpies at the best.
What nature has hung about our hearts
passes our surgery with skill to cut away.
In our stoicism we think it done, but
the wound keeps open, and the blood still
runs.
Certainly mans wicked angels in mon
ey. l often catch myself with something
bold as a lion bouncing from my heart,
when the shilling rattles, and the lion as
bold as the weazel sinks back again.
To get appearance upon debt Is no
doubt, every bit as comfortable as to get
high upon the rack. The figure may be
expanded; but how the muscle of the
heart, how all the joints are made to crack
for.it
In the old poetic time the same fairy
that would lead men estray for the sake
of the mischief, would by way of recon-
pense, churn the butter and trim up the
house, while the household sleep. Now
money is the fairy Of our mechanical
generation.
At an evening party, Jerrold was look
ing at the dancers. Seeing very tau
gentleman waltzing with remarkably
short lady, he said to a friend at hand
Hump! there's the mile dancing with
the milestone.
If all the rascals who under the SEM
blance of a snug respectability, sow the
world with dissensions and deceit, were
fitted with halter, rope would double
its price, and the executioner set up his
carriage.
In this world truth can wait; she's used
TO it,
Habitual intoxicatiOn is the epitome of
every crime.
Make your bed as q coffin, and your
coffin will be as bed.
Money is ike the air you breathe; if
you have it not you die.
Children are earthly idols that hold US
from the stars.
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