Sioux City register. [volume] (Sioux City, Iowa) 1858-1871, 1862-06-21
A Petition,

TO the HonoraJle-the rerg Honorable
and more too, Legislature Of Wiscon-
sin, or any other man, Praying!
The petition from your honorable petit
TONER respectfully represents to your
humble body, that he has examined with
due difiidence to the statutes Of this State
and that he IS therein made to believe
that according to the hardware and pro.
visions Of the Constitution, he is FREQ
citizen, except one wife and baby. and a
big mortgage on small lot of land. and
has right to run petition between, and
to your humble body, to wit:
Being Of mature discretion, and sound
age, and of a patriotic cast of features he
has faithfully served the conotry he hon,
ors, for several years from intapay, in all
sorts Of ways, and has stuck TO her ike a
burr in the caudal appendago of a canine
all the time, and held no Office of trust,
mistrust, profit, honor, emoluments, per
qdisites, or affection, except Marshal Of
the day one rainy Fourth Of July it is
the honorable belief Of the petitioner as
aforesaid, to your honorable body, that he
ought to be rewarded.
And now, when all the ffcet.footed ro'
CUES are enlistng in the army to escape
legal proceedings, he is left cut in the wet
and requests to be appointed to some of
the following offices, as a token Of the
esteem, merit, confidence, and what you
call it, Governors and such Ugh men al.
ways have for those who stood at the roots
aud boosted, wien you were all candi-
dates I'D needed help.
To the position of Assistant Governor,
with salary in advance.
Or to the position of Minister to Rome,
or whatever your petitioner peases, at tho
expense aud per diem Of the State;
Or: TO the position Of agent for the
State, to visit New York, to inspect arms
and things by gaslight, at the expense of
the State;
Or: to attend regiment as wet nurse
with rank of two colonies, at the expense
of the war fund, with private instructions
said services are eled
Or; to the position, rank, and pay of
Brigadier General, with power to, appoint
us leader of the band, our nephew Platter
Head, who don't know c Sharp from
Member of Congress:
Or: to the position Of Colonel Of some
infantry company, with instructions to
raise all the members we can; having o
number Of months to do it in;
Or: to the position OF Lieut.. Colonel Of
squad of sap heads and miners, with
private understanding that we can resign
the day before the battle and run for some
Circuit Judgeship or carry flag of truce
in advance Of retreat;
Or: to the position Adjutant General
Of two battallions, whose only duty Shall
be to 60 back for reinforcenents, unless
the rain should threaten TO damage our
clothes;
Or: to the patriotic position OF Pay,
master, to handle State funds without Civ
ing security, to the benefits Of the wife
and child of the paymasrer aforesaid;
If your humble body will not gr~at the
prayer Of your honorable petitioner to the
full and general extent he supplicates for
if all these places are filled your honor
able suppicator would accept Of,
The position OF clerk to one or the 9th
er of the Houses # the Legislature;
Or the position of assistant clerk;
Or the position of door keeper;
Or the position of first, second, third or
fourth assistant door keeper:
Or the position Of reporter, with a
chance to draw for stationary for papers
not reported for;
Or the position Of pago, page and
halt OF two pages;
Or the position of fireman:
Or the position Of door tender to one
Of the out houses, if the inner houses are
filed with suckers.
Or the position Of apple molasse5 candy.
pea nut, or popcorn pedd5ea, al he en-
trance to your humble but virtuous.tempe.
And your humble petitioner Ho15d stIll
further petition, that if there is no place
now vacant in the bestowal oi roUr hHn-
bic body that you will a aaca makes aa
Office to suit the particular @ant5 @. yoag
honorable petitioner, and - relieve bis
pressing necessites-as h. l. too n:ar 10
give notes, too dishonest to be lcu-...i. TO
lazy to earn living, aud i iheretOr- Il III
subject for an appointment to some high
position at your hands.
II your humble body will grant the pray
err Of your honorable petitioner, you will
make one man happy, reward a true sap
porter of this or any other administration,
If it pays up prompt, and that you escape
Elder Browns lake Of fire. your honor
able petitioner, both by himself and by
proxy, will, although the task be severe
one, pray, &c.
"BRlcE" PoMERoY.
"PRoPERry IN MAN"-The Wide awake
orators, n the campaign Of 1862 vehe.
mentIy denied that there was any 'proper.