Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1862-04-05
w. ID. WALBACH.
SKATING A HUNRUG,

on being requested by Queen Dido to give an
account Of his travels, replied: "Thou COM
mandest me, o Queen, to relate the history Of
my woes" II is with feelings of the same des-
criptiOn (only more SOY that address a dis
eliminating public, in the hope that my ex-
ample will prove warning to all similarly
tempted. But a few days since some one pub
Iished an article on Skating as an srt;" the
man must hsye been insane Skating, say, is
q hUmbug and what / say know by az
perience. Listen for a moment and you will
agree with me.
Last spring, while walking with Araminta
through the sylvan shades Of the Central Park,
the charming young female went into ecstscies
over what Tin her ignorance) she termed the
elegance and gracetulness of the amusement of
skating, and after avowing her determination
70 acquire its mysteries during the coming
winter, or 60 down into an untifnely grave,
turned to me and exclaimed in a tone Of melting
sweetness: "And you, Mr.. Smith (my name is
Smith, you win teach me, am surs!" The
voice, the glance, the pressure on my arm
which accompanied it, made my heart 90 pit
s-pat, faster than pleased rabbits tail. Need
/ say that at once embraced the proposal
and as much Of the proPoser as I could, with
cut attracting public attention. On returning
to the paternal roof it suddenly struck me that
had fOrgo, ten one important thing in rashly
making this promise-I could not skate.
q, Horror, After one moments reflection. 1
seized my hat and rushed to find Jones. met
him in Broadway. and collared him so quickly
that every one looked around, and a small boy
hallOed s'Police,' instantly.
JONES'" I exclaimed, ssI have got to learn
how to skate right of. Hsw is it to be done ?"
"Let 90 my collar, Smith, was the reply
of the somewhat irate Jones' ''and don't get
so (somehOw or other excited. You can learn
easy enough if you will buy pair of parlor
skates"
Jones'" 1 returned, relinquishing his collar
zkoI I'm
you take"
Jones took something, arranged his collar,
and we bought the best pair Of parlor skates
money could procure. Full directions were
given by the skateman, "0nly have your
hoor smooth and keep your skates we'll creased,
and you will go like a bird 20 was his en-
oouTsging remark, as he handed them over to
me with the change.
"Gresse, What do you grease them with ?"
"Oil, he answered solemnly.
bought half a gallon at once. Jones gave
me his advice, too. always so ahead, and if
you don't get excited, you will do the outside
edge backwards in q week.
"Outside edge backwards :" I said, whats
that2''
This style" answered Jones, standing, as
he spoke, on his right leg, and twisting him
self as though trying to look at his right coat
tail under his left elbow. stood on my right
leg and tried to catch glimpse of my right
coat tail under my elbow, but not succeeding,
l remarked that ~ didn't see it." Therest
jones laughed as though 1 had said good
thing.
Next morning I started very quietly down
to the extension room, an hour and half be-
fore breakfast, TO try to do the 'ioutside edge
backwards, as per Instructions. Down sat
to put on skates, but somehow the straps
always seemed to get In q snarl, and they
didn't seem to 90 on. Indeed the breakfast
DELL rang just as got the first to fit, which
Put stop to skating fer the present. After
breakfast L started up again. This time it
only took me twenty minutes to get them both
on. on I went-right left, right left, accord
ing 10 the direc tions in the Skaters Manual %
which had also purchased but, leaning too
Far forward, went down "kerchunk. looked
far forward. Try it again. Right, left, right
1 leaned too far backward this time; my heels
went up and my head went down bang and
smashed the half gallon oil can had bought
to grease my skates, before knew what was
70 pay. The conclusion was terrifc-the win
dows ratified all over the house-stars danced
before my eyes-and instead Of one, fifty oil
cans seemed to be scattered around I was
almost collapsed, but energy and quart of oil
that had got down the back Of nay neck, to-
gether with reviving sensation produced by
the GOODNESS of the oilcloth where had split
the soat of my uEmentionsbles, brought me up
IN q few minutes nearly as good as new. The
damage was all done and the oil gone, and I
had nothing to do but mind Jones and not get
excited. Suddenly an idea struck me- The
directions were to keep the floor smooth and
my skates creased. Here was a chance 10 do
both. Oil is the cheese, thinks I; and in
about five minutes, with the help of a broom,
the aforesaid oil was being rapidly distributed,
about half an inch deep, over the whole of the
eOOr.
Just at this moment in rushed mother, sis.
and the governor, who had heard my unlucky
tumble, and thought that 1 had hung myself
and the rope had broken, or that somethinv
else equally horrible was to pay
On, James +. what haS happened ?" was the
ory-when up went thsIT heels, and down went
the old LADY on one side, and sis on the other
and the governor end over end over them both
all into the thickest part Of the half gallon
Dire was the confusion. during which I left
This was my first experience on paTi0r skates
After month 8 practice, however, got so
could 60 along nicely by working well with my
shoulders, and swinging my hands about con.
siderably, although l tcIH acknowledge that
never could stand on my right leg and leok at
my coat tail under my elbow, as Jones had
tam single glimpse OF Its flair prcpOrtiOns' .
Winter was now at hand. Araminta had
presented me with gorgeous skating csp-l
had reciprocstsd with splendid pair Of skates
We were engaged. I looked forward with
rapture, not unmingled with anxiety, to the
time when l should guide her lovely form
through slippery paths Of the learner of skates
At last came a hard frost, UP went the red
ball, 90 did the price Of skates. fstarted home
early that day, designing to fortify myself with
good dinner before making my essay as an
instructor. Who should meet in the hail but
Araminta, wrapped, and bundled, and sha wled
and cloaked, looking 50 large that I was
appalled,. She Is only two inches taller than i
sm, bot in the dim light Of the hall che look ed
huge. The doubt which had been haunting
me all summer broke out agsin, and l thought,
with q cold shiver, what If shouldn't be able
to hold her,
The idea was 80 unpleasant that hasteued
to change the subject.
'Aramipta, my love-" tenderly inquired,
"vhy are you dressed? It is two hours before
the time appointed Come In TO dinner
"Never mind dinner. Ihave Just had lunch
and don't want any, and know I shall die if