Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1862-03-07

mates the amount-the zone half was
scarcely told-but of the "half" shows the
gen tleman's pretensions to disinterested-
ness, in such superlatively ludicrous
light, should he not be thankful that the
aChole truth was not revealed. He NAV
thank the "fellow feeling in my bosom be
careful bow you panctuate Mr. Ed. for
suppressing the other half.
With regard to the pills" which the
gentleman recommends fer my benefit, I
reluctantly acknowledge my need of such
remedy, and am very grateful for his
generous and gratuitous medical advice
[ can assure him have ne doubts as to
their efficacy, but l regret to be able to
say that my skillful adviser is living ev-
idence of the truth of that trite saying
that ga Doctor never takes bis own med
ieine."
Dislocatus tells you with an apparent
seriousness, which arrests nv attention,
that 'no one claimed that the eye dispelled
or controlled the manifestations. From
any other pen I should be surprised at
this assertion, But on consulting my ora
cle Charity, she urges me to say that Dis
looatus was enee severely afflicted with
mumps, and. unfortunately, the only un-
pleasant sequence CD was stone deafness
IN one ear, since which time he has only
been able to hear o:,e side of question:
And that he is no more to blame than was
the one eyed Deacon, that when the chat
was passed through the congregation, it
should always come on his blind side
Probably there was net another person in
that whole audience, who does not dis
tinetly recollect the reasoning of the boys
on that point-their attempts to answer
the objections often raised to a spirits in
ability to manifest itself in the light, dur
ing which they spoke of the magnetic
power of the "human eye," and to illus
trate referred to its controlling influence
over "wild beasts and ferocious animals, !"
as doubtless every one, but Dislscatus,
will recollect.
And now, Mr.. Ed. comes the grandil-
oqueus paragraph, in which the writer,
leaving the commodities of earth, and
soaring on Hottest wing, enters the abode
of 4" Ghosts, Gouls, Gnomes and COLLINS
damned" and onward and upward still
his airy pinions bear him, until by one
mastery transcendental effort he plunges
inta--''the old lady's dishwater." l
admire the pathos and sublimity of that
oonglomerated mux in which the infatua-
ted writer seems SO entirely to lose him
self Yet must confess that, not belong
ing to that class which believes in such
things, 1 cannot fully understand its appIi-
oabifity, though there is no doubt point,
if could only see it. Give us few more
"pills, Dislocatus, fear shall be obi
ged to take very many of them before
can fully appreciate all the points in that
epistle. As it is I shall deny nothing :;
nor attempt to answer the paragraph, but
will only give you its counterpart-herei it
is AS the fierce and fearful hurricanes
howl through the deep, and angry whirl-
winds hurl the giant oak--as thunders
shake the armament Of heaven, and light
nings flash along the sky, SO does a little
niger boy run when great big dog is af-
ter him. The iterati can doubtless ap-
preciate the beauty and understand the
applicability of both. And here it strikes
me forcibly, that the name Johannus"
is too meaningless to be worn by such a
genius. 1t certainly is not in keeping with
the we'll known principle of latin nemen-
clature, which seeks such names as will
best convey, in themselves the peculiar
characteristics of the thing named, or the
functions it has to perform. In view of
this, then, propose to baptise him by the
better name of Bom6astscus and I am
willing to act as godfather at the baptis-
NAL ceremony, though l ask to be excused
from taking any farther responsibility as
sponsor. Bemeasticus Dislocatus. p
Anglocised, disjointea bombast. Does any
one doubt Its appropriateness, Irefer him
to the first and second epistle. And then,
too, how like his paternal grandsire, Bonn
basticus Furiosus, who hung his boots on
a limb, with the following poster:
Whoever dares these boots displace,
Shall meet Bombasticus face to face.n
And now since he has been duly bap-
tized into oar church, I hope he will con-
tinue to grow in favor till we shall feel at
liberty to tender him Bishop-rac.
Finally, Mr.. Editor, we are agreeably
surprised at the interesting intelligence
that the "Dr. is still with us | fear 7
cannot say the same of Bombasticus, for
l am not sure but he has fallen amid the
bursting of bombs. In fact nv ANXIETY
for his Wherea houts and 1yo1foro bo L.