The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-03-26
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
- The solar system has n large fami
ly, but only one sun.

tucky-a fatal Somerset.
= Gods best mercy is often shown in
the rejection OF our prayers.
The man who would try to stab n
ghost would stick at nothing.
- Indulge in humor just as much as
you please, so it isn't il-humor.
- That Government is safest which
makes treason the most ridiculous.
= Why is dismissed Cabinet officer
like an orphan! Because he has lost his
Pap.
= The devil has work enough for all
his friends, but he pays their wages only
in fuel.
- IL is said that Jew declined TO
purchase some iron because it happened
to be pig.
- Vanity. o, vanity! We saw n
dustman stop the other day TO have his
coat brushed.
If young lady yawns half doz.
en- times in succession, young man, you
may get your hat.
-" "Wood is the thing, after al" as
the man with wooden leg said, when
the mad dog bit it.
- A musquto is customer who tries
to get inside the bar and take n nip"
without paying for it.
- When you buy a pistol on credit do
the same with your ammunition, as you
can charge it in the pistol.
- What is club? 1t is weapon
of defense carried by male gorrilas to
keep away the white women.
- Wanted, for the ornithological de-
partment of our museum, Immediately,
the beak and claws of a toma-hawk
E "A soldier in one of the Kentucky
camps says the motto with them Isl
"United we sleep, divided we freeze"
- The youth who cut open the bellows
TO see where the wind came from, Is now
} trying his hand at fattening greyhoundS.
{ - Guilt quells the courage of the bold,
ties the tongue of the eloquent, and makes
greatness itself sneak and lurk like cow
ard.
- The Persians have saying, that
J "Ten measures of talk were sent down
upon the earth, and the women took
nine."
- A receipt is going the rounds of
the press for tanning hides with salt and
; alum; but our shoolmaster taught us
/ years ago that the oil of birch was better.
Q - A gent was asked what kind of a
/. "gal" he preferred for wife. "One,' u
{ he said, "that wasn't prodigal but fru-
D gal, true gal, and suited to his conju,
gal tastes"
, - It is singular how rapidly some
young gentlemen from the country loose
n their color when visiting large cties.-
s They 90 there green, and invariably come
r away done very brown.
A young lady from a boarding
school, being asked at the table if she
would take MORE" replied "By nj
/ means, madam; the gastronomic safety
n admonishes me that l have arrived at the
: ultimate of deglutition consistent with the
J. code Of Esculapius."
a = When Washington Allison was il
o in England, at public dinner given him
It Campbell was present. and playfully
n drank to the "painters and glaciers o
n America" Allison returned tho compli
,r meut BY proposing the "paper stainer'
k of England"
J. - Last Sabbath afternoon, the worthy
J. minister of one of the churches in town.
observing by the time he had reached the
third head of his discourse, the drowsy
disposition of several of his hearers, re-
4 marked; "In the third place, those o.
;, you who are awake will notice" 1t had
% the desired effect.
'e - Muggins was passing up street one
IS day with a friend, when he observed a
I" poor dog that had been killed, lying IN
the gutter. Muggins paused g"zed IN
= tentlv at the defunct animal, and at last
i said, "Here is another shipwreck." ;" "Ship-
! wreck, where?" "There's bark that's
n lost forever" His companion growled
o and passed on.
u = A lawyer built himself an Office in
x the form of a hexagon, or six square,
:, !, The novelty Of the structure attracted the
: attention of some Irishmen who were
passing by; they made a full stop and
u viewed the building critically. The law.
yer, somewhat disgusted at their curosi.
!, = ty, lifted up the window, put his head
. . out, and addressed them: "Why do you
. stand there like pack of blockheads gag
ing at my office9 Do you take it for a
y churchr "Faix," answered one Of them
d az was thinking so till saw the divil
poke bis head out of the Window