The Shasta courier., 1862-03-08
SHASTA COURIER
Progress Of the Modern Divine.

Progress of the Modern Divine.
Having received another communication
from nv reverend friend, hasten to lay it
before nv readers, that they may read. mark,
learn. and inwardly digest the record of the
rise an! progress of the Modern Minister:
NY DEAR DoEsTIcKs The more thor
oughlv examine my new parish, the more
completely am l convinced that my call to
this lovely spot is truly of Heaven, and that
| can accomplish a good and eIninently use
full work The Rev. DR.. Fobbett, who runs
:. neighhoring church, has been over to see
me, and has given me great deal OF useful
advice lie is an eminently pious man, up
to all the dodges-I may say-of the pulpit,
and well posted i may observe-in all the
financial ways and means Of the desk. As
his remarks are, doubtless, new to the world
in general, I will give the marrow of his first
two or three conversations with me.
..Of course,n said he, "we all of us 90
into this business because we think it is COM
Portable, becau SC it takes no capital, and be-
cause, on the whole, it is an easier way to
make living than to hcw it out with car
penters' tools, or hammer it out OH an anvil
with backsmith's six pound sledge. You re
a young man, and can put you up to some
Of our parsonic lodges, that it would take
you several years to learn, and cost you con-
siderable wear and tear of conscience, if
you've got any Have you got rome sherry !?
No matter, the Scotch whisky will do, if you
have a lemon. Always buy your lemons by
the dozen ifyou get them by the box, some
of them are sure to spoil.
In the first place, my boy, be economical
of your breath. When you make prayer,
make in short, pertinent and PERSONAL
There's no use praying for the Jews and the
Heathens. It's only thrown away; your
congregation won't remember a word of it.
But if you pray right at some of them,
they'll listen with all their ears, and go
away talking about the fearless righteous
ness and honest plain-dealing of the new
minister. Nerer pray to ,caste. It's no use
to address prayer to congregation about
n lot of people they don't know and don't
care for. 1t takes a good deal of moral
courage to do the thing properly; but the
right way is to pick out your richest church.
member, and pitch it right at him. With
little practice. you can make your morning
prayer as spicy as the Sunday paper. When
1 was examined as to my fitness for Frog
boro'. whsrs am at present located. had
to mako thirteen specimen prayers before
They said that their church were particular
about their prayers. and they were willing
to subscribe for daily journal, in order
that he might give them q summing up of
thenews of the week. with some general ideas
en- the politics of the country every Sunday
in his prayer.
81 took the hint, and pitched it strong.
"A little more whisky, please, but no su-
gar.
"As to your sermons, that's according to
the taste of your congregation. Ny own
people prefer DR.. Chalmers; but you had
better try yours with Dwight. and Doddridge,
and Wesley, and then you can give them
which they like best. 1t of course makes no
difference to you, only l find that Dwight is
printed in larger type than the others, and
is, therefore, easier to copy.
would advise you to accustom your
people to frequent collections as soon as pos
sible. | generally manage to make two q
month, and have sometimes taken one on
overY Sunday six weeks and, on one occa-
ston, actually took up two collections day
for three consecutive Sundays; but that was
n special occasion, when the notes for my
daughters piano were just coming due; but
you, being young and handsome man, will
be great favoritc with the ladies, and may
easily manage forty collections the first
year.
"Yes, one more glass; no, thank you,
won't take bottle Of it home, for | have
Just got in fresh barrel. Good night; re-
member, nerer pray to ,oaste, and stick the
collections on 'em while you can."
Ineed hardly say to you, my dear Doe
sticks, that these Instructions were not sown
on sterile ground. was an eager listener,
quich learner, and pro6ted exceedingly by
these kind hints. The first duty of every
young minister being to get rich wife as
soon as possible. l have carefully taken ac-
desirable young ladies down to a I" spot" as
you men of the wicked world would say
There is, however, a good deal of competition.
for Mudhead of the Baptist persuasion, and
Tailcoat of the Methodist shop, are both
young, both good looking, and both up to
snuff. as you worldlings would remark In
fact. I've had my suspicious that Tailcoat is
possibly up to snuffer than l am at any rate
he has been here longer, and the rich Miss
jerks belongs to him-to his congregation l
m an, of course. In fact, Miss Waddley
and the rich widow Babkins are both men,
bers of his church. feel it my duty to try
TO break into Brother Tailcoat's fold, and
steal several of the fattest sheep OF his flock
l feel that it would be wrong in me to let
their tender minds be. ONE filled with her
estes, and their valuable sonls perhaps be lost
forever.
Miss jerks has ten thousand dollars from
her grandfather. and her father is in business
and doing we'll; is an only child. Miss
Waddley will have fifty thousand dollars in
cash and the great Waddley farm, while the
Widow Babkins has only about twenty-five
thousand; but it is all in her own hands at
this present time.
In the case of Miss jerks, / am convinced
that it would not be right to inveigle her from
the fold where she is now contented and hap
py; but l feel it my pastoral duty 10 do nay
best endeavors to snatch from ruin the pre-
eious soul of the fair Miss Waddley, and 10
make strong offort to convince Widow Bab-
kins of the error of her present ways. A few
extracts from my journal will give an idea of
how have so far prospersd in my work:
''Ja,laayy 20th, preached my first sermon;
an old and very good one of DR.. Dwight; put
a new head and tail to it. and introduced
couple Of quotations froas Shakespeare; heard
many mpliments of my sermon; did mild
sort of prayer; wasn't sure of my ground,
and didn't want to pitch it too strong. In
the afterpoen. found three bouquets on my
desk; in one bunch of roses was note
about my sermon being so sweet In the
course of nay sfternoon discourse Chalmers,