The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1862-05-15

and don't ant any, and know | shall Ole
| don't 20 skating at once. l have been wall
ing since one o'clock, and we must start rign
off. Yow don't care for dinner when you or
taking care Of me, do you, James. dear? .
get Your skates and hurry, please"
What could do? couldn't say did wan
my dinner after that, although l felt in my in
nermost soul that such VISA the fact yielded
and to the fatal compliance trace all my sub
seouent misfortuneg-for man without his din
; ner is no man at all The fumes of the Dime
were gently waited out of the dining room, bu
in vain. Slowly and sadly | assembled to m.
room. had only time to don my skating ap
parel. pocket pistol heavily charged with olo
Bourbon, ard half choke myselfwith cracker
before Bridget knocked TO say that "The youps
lady wished me to hurry" and had TO start of
a melancholy sacrifice to woman's caprice.
just as we got into the street, sis came run
ming cut, apparently in great haste, and callet
me back.
flames" said she, ''please be careful to re
move all the oil cans from your vicinity before
you commence, That's all Good by"
"0l cans" said Araminta, "what can she
mean ?"
roots ct my hair nevertheless, whas e0Ss sht
mean?" Notwithstanding, I knew what she
meant, and swore vengeance.
Before / had fairly realized the importance
of the discovery (Which did not take a moment
to find out). had returned in front Of Aramin.
ia, who was arranging her manifold drapeEies
preparatory to a start Designing to produce
a profound impression, | struck with assumed
careleesness, q graceful attitude had spent
some time IN acquiring on my parlor skates
Indeed, on them | could do it first rate, for by
putting the knees together and pressing the
/ feet little outward, you can m aintain almost
ar
was speedily reminded that / was standing on
something very different from parlor skates. -
just as Araminta looked up with an admiring
glance, putting the final tout h upon her multi
tudinous apparel by that understandable witch
with which ladies always announce themselves
Us ready, and exclaimed in tone OF rapture,
6 Isn't it heavenly?' felt my legs slowly re-
ceding from each other, and starting off side.
ways on their separate and individual respons-
/ Utility. / murmured beautiful" at the same
time making q frantic effort TO bring them to-
gether again. with no more effect, however,
than if they mad belonged to different persons.
| Paror skates only roll backwards and forwards,
and Il side movement not coming within the
range OF my previous experiences, found ME
wholly unprepared. My feet slid off further
and further and further apart, and | stretched
and stretched to accompany them till actually
every bone in my body seemed to ache, but no
/ L
passes, and found myself obliged, when my
/ feet were some distance apart, 10 tumble or
4 split So | tumbled. OF course the moment |
touched the ice / Immediately commenced to
| fix my skates. Indeed, | have no recollection
| Of ever seeing any one tumble who didn't com
! mence to TX his skates 1t is q singular Cir
! cumstance, but almost the same thing may be
seen on the road every day. gentleman will
be observed passing every body at n 2,4a gait,
aud everything is all right but when he reach
es some 0n6 who starts after and passes him in
2:39, something Immediately happens to his
harness, ob!iging him to pull up into corner
of the fence and fix it This is a curious coin
cdence, for which [ acknowledge myself Who'll
ly unable 10 account.
got I'D SO soon as my skates were fixed, and
assisted Araminta 10 her feet. AS that beautl-
ful (but somewhat iarge) creature entrusted her
self contidingly to my protection, felt that her
weight (Which [ roughly estimated at l65 lbs. J
as she leaned upon my arm for support, with
! the same sensations that the man must have
! experienced On taking possession OF the ele-
| phanC which he had dawn in q lottery, We
started beautifully, but on the third stroke Ar.
an,ina without any earthly reason that could
see, grasped my arm frantically, threw her
head back, and sat down, more like thousand
of bricks than anything else that ever saw
| tried to stop her, but you might as well have
NJ G. from speaking. She looked heavy, but
she felt twice as heavy as she looked, and my
attempt to save her only resulted in the down
fall of both of us. We came down "solld, and
d sharp ''crack," as though the ice had given
away under the pressure, was distinctly audi
I BILE. [ started, and Aramnta screamed, but
nothing was to be seen. Pretty soon strong
smell of whisky began to pervade the air. Ara
minta, who is Temperance" to the backbone
smeled the odor with intense disgust and re-
marked "that any one who would come to any
place where there were ladies, smelling as thai
man did who had just passed, was no gentle
man." / aequiesced, OF course, and muttereo
something about great brute" AT the same
time | could not help facilitating myself on my
discretion in putting my whisky into my coat
tail instead OF my breast pocket, where Aramlnta
would have discovered it to certainty. But
on putting my hand into my pocket. was hor
rifed to discover, by getting my fingers cut
that that last "crack' had been the death knel
of my flask, that it was reduced to fragments
and the odor N question arose from my sGtura
ted pocket! 1t was frst-class Bourbon, anc
could be smeled quarter of mile! Every
one turned as we passed, and shifted and stareC
to see what made 'that smell !" and police
man began to follow Us "atar of. " My charmel
was not greatly pleased at the public celebrity
she had SO suddenly attained, although as ye
unconscious Of the cause
We started again. This time she slipped
and hit my shin with her skate, in a way tina
) would have brought tears in the eyes ola pawn
, broker, tripping me up, and OF course we wen
down together. | uttered single ejaculation
more emphatic than usual in polite conversation
as the pieces of glass in my pocket, on which
, brought up, stuck in my leg in several places
and | bounced up in hurry, forgetting tor tn
moment all about Ar8minta. She looked at nj
t with Indignation. "IMr Smith," said she, will
great dignity and emphasis on the Mr., ''yol
-, have been drinking, sir!' Of course Swore
hadn't, and MADE all possible excuses; but
(. could plainly see that all my protestationS az
\ not receive much credit Nevertheless, w
0 started again. For time all went smoothly
0 but began to think that Araminta in one Q
i, her evolutions must have fallen on her temper
d tor it was getting more unpleasant with ever.
collision and stumble-and ttheir name wa
legion. Finally. just as we were in front OF tn
) ladies room, little brat Of a boy, skating 0
= like the wind, came up against Aramlnia wit
II a force that caromed him off about two hundre
g yards, making hole through the crowd in hi
way like 6-pound she'll seized her, and
IS knot0 l would have held her up only, just 8
II that moment, my left leg, by some fatality, ha
e again seeded from the right, and started o
i sideways by itself Anyhow, over went, an
It Araminta sat on me, more like pile-driver tina
b young lady. We went down right in the pat
II of half dozen skaters, who piled over US in
perfect pyramid The way the drapery fell VIZ
/ tremendous, and then-all was blank.
h came TO my senses in one of the estin
1t booths by having scalding hot coffee poure
at down my throat by gentleman who stirred
at little whlskey in it, occasionally, with saosag
d in the absence of spoon. to strengthen me-
D. | started up and rushed to the door. Where vi
Araminta?
"Your big gall" confidently remarked &c
ID small boy. ''has gone off with that fancy skat
over there. My eyes you ought to see nj
IS. DO The outside edge backward -
P looked, and saw Jones es, Jones! stan
ne ing one leg and looking at his coat tail und
Ii his elbow, in utter defiance of all laws of gra
tation. and not sitting down and there al