Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1862-10-16

say to you, my friends, that alI goes well
with Mr.. Mcclellan and IL you will only
hasten 70 fiIl up old regiments. raise few
new ones, and'go yourselves, the advance
upon Richmond may commence at our
time"
The most enthusiastic cheering followed
this comforting speech of the Venerable
Cannon, and six ccstatic chaps immediate
y offered to volunteer as Major Generals
Shall We presume to talk of drafting, my
boy, when there is such readiness on the
part Of the people to lead the troops2 |
think not, my boy, ! think not. Let the
draft be protested
On Wednesday I again took trip to Paris
accompanied by my frescoed dog Bologna,
aud found upon reaching that city that the
Mackerel Brigade had built itself theatre,
after the manner of Drury Lane, ADD was
about to paitske sof the rich Intellectual
drama. This chaste temple might possibly
be taken for COW shed, my boy, by those
who are not conversant with architecture in
one story. 1t occupies spot which has
been rising ground ever since the Mackerels
commenced to dig treaches around it, and
the front door is SO spacious that you have
TO go all around the building to find where
it stops opening. The seats are similar to
those which are supposed to have been so
popular with the Count de Grasse, and the
stage is exquisitely extemporized from sever
al flour barrels, with curtain created from
two flannel petticoats recently belonging to
the wife of the Southern Confederacy.
Passing over all intervening events, my
boy, let me direct your special attention to
the night We celebrated, when l found my.
self occupying box previously used for
crackers) in the temple Of the Muses., sur.
rounded by uniforms and dazzled by the
glitter of the shovels worn by the military
celebrities present. In a box (marked
Sperm Candles s-FirA quality") on my
right, l noticed a number of distinguished
persons, whom | did not know, and to the
left were grouped several celebrated visitors
with whom was not acquainted. The
stage itself realized numerous brilliant foot
lights in the way of bottles containing gor-
geous tallow dips; aud when the orchestra
brought out his key buglc and struck up the
martial strain of II want to be an Angel"
there ioas a dry eye in the house.
Make note of this last unparalleled fact,
my boy /; for you, nor any other mortal man,
ever heard of its occurrence before.)
The curtain having been taken down by a
gentleman who had forgotten to wash him
self when the wash stand went round last
time, the play commenced aad | found it
to be
THE UNION AS IT WAS.
nreH MORAL DRAMA. IS ONE AIT.
By Captain VILLAIN, Bro,on, Eskerire.
The plot of this auirable work is very
simple, my boy, and appeals to those senti-
~ ha h,v, .b III, al
liver. The scene is laid in Washington,
where it has beqn frequently seen, and the
dra,ha opens win a1ihes = - ~
CONSERVATIVE crsoRts.
Abrahum spare the South,
Touch not single slave;
.hfIt Nor cen by word OF mouth
Disturb the thing we
'Twas foreinthers hand
That Slavery begoi:
There Abraham let II stand,
Thine Acts shall harm it not
At the conclusion of this spirited national
anthem, the border State chaps who have
been singing it are invited to have another
interview with the President who has only
seen them twice the sane morning. As
appears, wrapt in deep thought and the
American flag, and reading the twenty-thhi,rd
pi reclamation for the current month. She
her once happy Union is indeed. broken; and
as her heart refuses toanswer any such com
mon question, a doubt is allowed to remain
in the bosom Of the spectator. In deep
agony she kneels at the monument of Wash
while the Southern Confederacy, who have
just arrived, proceeds to plant batteries all
around her, assisted in the work by reliable
coutrabands. After some moments spent in
prayer for the fepose Of Secretary Welles.
Columbia discovers her surroundings, and is
about to make faint, when the spirit of
Napoleon appears, and he tells her that she
has nothing to fear, as he is about to change
his base of operations and take Richmond.
He tells her that he would have taken it
long before but for the Tribune. This is a
very fine sccne-very fine. The spirit of
Napoleon then proceeds to pick up every
thing he can find and throw it over to the
Southern Confederacy, at the same timo
swinging himself around so that his left fist
may be presented to the enemy instead of
his right, only pausing long enough 10 drive
back a reliable contraband who has started
to desert to him. Matters are progressing
and the Confederacy has only
planted twenty-four more batteries around
Columbia, when the conservative chorus
comes tearing back to the scene, with the
news that the -Rpsaiasat has determined to
pay for all tho runaway slaves in postage
stamps! This splendid stroke of policy so
completely staggers the Cenfederacy, that
he only erects thirty two more batteries, and
acknowledges that his back bone is broken
Strange to say, Columbia still labors under
the delusion that she is in danger; but is
finally reassurod by the spirit of Napoleon,
who convinces her that all is going well, and
commences to dig hole. Columbia asks
Wherefore this digging? To which the
response IS 8: -jtl Ht a
sour Union in It's broken state Ii
Is discord TO the soul
And therefore are digging here,
d f To make the Union hole!"
The digging proceeds until the spirit of
Napoleon is sunk deep into the earth, when
the Southern Confedefa,y deliberately steps
over the hole nnd CAPTURES Washington, at
the same time ordering Columbia to black
his boots. Columbia would be utterly bereft
Of hope at This turn of affairs bat for the
cheerful conduct Of the Conservative Chorus,
xybo hid hhr eaioice that the eood old tiuas