The daily Green Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1861-1865, 1862-07-31
Won Must not Offend Conservative,

TT,np quitting the strawberry Frot''ai ! r9'ul"
"a r., ha.,. again t. Paris, where ! arii'eu
;u,i in tnpe to start with Captain boo ""oi''
90 ,,,npany from The Comic Section ol vac
N.,xerel Brigad IA torageing e1p.u''io ",
W. went 10 look up ies straw beds i'l Tue
feeding of the Anatomical Cavalry horSe'' NY
bov and the conservative kentscky chap went
along TO see that We dld not F.Olale 'ne VII
stitution nor the ghis vi man.
{" It's my opinion, comrade, says CaP'tlh
! Bob Shorty. as we started Out IL my oPiH,
ion. my Union ranger, that this here uhha 'ui"i
war is getting worked down to very me point
when we cant 20 out for an armfui OF forage
without taking the Constitution along on "l
ass. think, " says Captain Bob SHORTY that
the Constitution Is as much out OF place mere
Az !. set of fancy harness would be III Il drove Oh
wild butialots."
AN such be the case, my bOy-can such DC
the case Then did our revolutionary iorela-
theirs live in VAIN.
Having moved along in gorgeous caVaIcade
until about noon, We stoppea at the mouse OF
First Family Of Virginia, who were just solng
to dinner. Captain Bob Shorty ordered the
Nackereis to stack arms and draw canteens ID
the front door, ard, and then We entered Ihe
domlcile and saluted the domestic mass meeting
in the dining room.
We come, sir" says Bob, addressing the
venerable and hlgh-minded chiyalry at the head
OF The table, to ask you II you nave any old
straw beds that you don want, that could oe
used for lhe cavalry vi the United States OF
America.
Tau ohlyalry only paused long enough To
throw ID couple OF PIE plates at US, and then
saws lie
AIe YOU accurscd AbOlItOnsts
The conservative kentucky chap stepped
hastily forward, and says he:
No, nv dear sir, We re the conservative
element
The chiyalry venerable wife, who was
female Southern Conieieracy, leaned back
little Ia ner chair, 30 mai her little son could
SEQ To throw u tea-cup at he and says she
" You amt Tribune lsportrrs--be you?
We were ali noes and 10 yes. Quite .ea-
turc in social intercourse. my boy.
The aged chlvalry caused three fresh chairs
10 be placed the table, and having failed to
discharge the towing piece which he had polnt-
Ell at Captain Bob Shorty, by reason OF damp
ness III tue cap, lie waved US 10 seats, and says
he
SIT down, poor hlreinss OF gorilla dcspoi,
and learn what 1t To taste TIE hospitality OF
a Southern gentleman. You are Lincoln nordrs
says the chyary, shaking his Waite iocKs, and
have come To butcher the ouuthera Contederacy,
but the Southern gentleman knows now TO De
courteous, eve, 40 Il vandal Toe.
Here the chiyalry switched OGt cane, which
he mad concealed behind lIm, aud made d GLOW
al capt. Boo Shorty.
" See here says Bob. Indignantly, Iii be
-"
Hush !" says the Conservative kentucky
chap, a5iratedly, " don Isr!tate The old patrI.
arcn OF the future aInlcable reconstruction vi
the Union VIII be ou OF The question. lie Is
naturally little provoked Just now, says the
kentucky cnap, soothlngly, " but w must
snow him That We are his friends
We all sat Gown IN peace az the hospItuoe
board, my boy, only d lew sweet POTATOES aud
corn-cobs being thrown by the children, and
found the fare TO be in keeping with our d..
tlacted country-l may sly, war tare.
In consequence OF The blockade of the
Washington Ape, says the cAiyary, pleas
antly, " we only have one course, you see
but even these last years SWEEP potatoes .lnust
be luxuries to mercenary mudsllls accuslom ID
| to husks.
had just reached out my plate, ~ be helped
my boy, when there came great noise from
the Mackerels in the front yard
What's that p said Capt. Bob shorty
Oh nothing, says the female Contederacy
taking another bite OF hoe cak, :. We only told
one OF the servants to throw some not water or
your reptile hirelngs.'
AS Capt. Bob Shorty turned to thank he,
for her explanation, and while his plate was Ak
tended to be helped the aged chiyalry bred q
pistol al HIM across the table, the bali lust yra
zlng his head, and entering the wall behinc
l him.
By all that's blue !" says Capt. Bob ohor
~, excltedly, now III be
f =" Be calm, now be calm, = says the conser
v"tlVe hentucky chap, hastily "dan't tel
you that 1t 5 only natural Tor tho good cd sou
to be IL little provoked? Ii you 20 TO lrri,a,,
him, we can never live ,ogeth.r as brethren
again
Matters being thus rendered pleasant, m,
boy, We quickly finished the simple meal an,
: as Capt Bob Shorty warded off the carvln.
5 knife just thrown at him by the chivulry's liz
tie son, he turned 70 the female Contederacv
aud says he
. Many thanks for your kind hospitality
and now about that straw bed ~
The Nlrglnian matron thew the vinegar cru,
at him. and says she
" My servants have already given one to YOU
scorpions, you nasty Yankees -
OF course, says the venerable chlyalr,
just missing blow at me with a bowie knife
. OF course your despicable government wi,
pay me for my property
" Pay you says Capt. Bob Shorty. hotly
g now I'll be -
Certainly it will, my friend, . broke in Oh