Juliet signal. [volume] (Juliet [i.e. Joliet], Ill.) 1844-1???, 1862-04-15
From the Sunday Mercury.
From Washington.

EEOm Va8n1DStOn.
EDITOR L. 7. :-Sunshine has at last re-
sumed specie payment, my boy, and every
man that chooses can walk under golden
beams once more. The sacred soil is dry
ing upas rapidly as an old maid after for
y Two. and boot blacks begin to quote at
hJgh figures. The General Of the Macker-
81 brigade is 50 blissful at having a polish
on nIs boots once more, that he puts them
on the mantle piece every time he enters
room, and treads on all the toes he can
ma m The street. The latter operation, my
poy, has produced much profanity, espe-
cisliy among the chaplains.
cpeaking of chaplains, reminds me Of
reverend veteran who attended to the soul
OF uaptain Bob Shorty yesterday. and
iourf it1n high state Of preservation
Capsain Bob Shorty rashiy over estimated
his power Of endurance, and undertook TO
read Pfemon,s Defence. When he got to
tsse twsrtg first column he was seized with
versie aisd only recovered to find himself
taking ne measure of a bedssesd, with q
chaplain standing by him.
MY friend, says the person, 81 con-
slider it my duty to tell you that you're a
very sick man, and take this opportunity
to remind you of your latter end"
Captain Bob Shorty scratched hie head
and says he:
"Am bouud for the kingdom :"
"You may recover" says the chaplain,
"but now is the time to settle your worldly
affairs if you don't. Think of your wife
and progeny"
"My wife !" says Captain Bob Shorty,
Historically. "Ah there's woman fo-
youw
us she worthy help-mate I" says the
chaplain.
"Why," says Captain Bob Shorty, "she's
mate and captain both in my ship. She's
frugal, says Captain Bob Shorty-"she's
amiable, she's neat. and she's got only one
fault in the world"
"Ahp says the chaplain, "only one
faultf Then she aust be an uncommon
| woman"
Eyes" says Captain Bob Shorty. dream
lily, my wife's only got one fault in the
world-she likes another chap better than
she does me-"
At this jjuncture, my boy, the chaplain
was seized with severe cough; but as
soon as be recovered he assumed a very
grave expression and says he:
"My friend, let me beseech you to forget
something more needful."
"Drive on" says Captain Bob Shorty.
The chaplain gave grievous sniff, and
says he:
/ lis there not something above all Great
ed things that you feel in need of now p
| Suppose, my friend, that you were out at
sea in terrible storm, with the thunder
roaring, the lightning flashing, and the
raln fal in oil
what would you do to make yourself feel
PEACEFUL"
"You say the rain was falling in tor
rents?" says Captain Bob Shorty.
Yea, verify" says the chaplain.
Aectively-"I think | should call for an
umbrella and something hot"
| Upon hearing this beautiful answer, my
boy, the chaplain buried his face in his
hands.
$50 should ]. be murmu, ed-"so should
l."
Depend upon it, my boy there is a bond
OF sympathy between all men, that no diff
ference of education or circumstances can
sever and which some nice touch of nature
causes 1t to contract, it seldom fails to bring
mon together on the common platform Of
whiskey hot.
1t would afford me great pleasure, my
boy, to report great victory for our cause
IN Virginia, but no such result is yet visi.
BILE TO the eye in state of nudity.
The gun5oats to break the rebel block
ade have not started up the Potomac yet
owing to mistake made by the General Of
the Mackercl Brigade.
Some months ago, my boy, the General
gave an order to an Eastern contractor foI
couple of peculiarly made gunboats fol
this service; but happening to pass the
White House, shortly after, saw what he
took TO be the models of two just such gun
boats protruding out Of one Of the windows
Thinking TINT the President had concluded
to attend to the matter himself, he immedi
atelY telegraphed to the contractor not t.
60 on with the job.
Quite recently. the contractor came herr
again, and says he to the General:
.I'd like to see the model of those White
lIouse gunboats."
The General conducted him toward til,
White House, my boy, and the two stoOC
admiring the models, which protrudst
from the window as usual
Pretty soon o Western Congressman
came along, and says the contractor t.
him:
Gan you tell me, sir. whether thes
models of gunboats up there are on exhi5i
ton !"
"GuDboats !" says the Western chap
looking up. "Do you take those things 70
gunboats?"
"Of course" says the contractor.
"Why you burned fool p' says the Con
gresham, "those are the Presidents boots
The President always sits with his feet on
of the window when he sits home, an,
those are the ends Of his boots"
Without another word, my boy, the Gen
eral and the contractor turned gloomil
from the spot, convinced that they hal
witnessed the most terrific feet Of the cam
paign.
Yours, sedately.