Raftsman's journal. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1854-1948, 1862-01-22
HOW I CAME TO GET MARRIED.

jacks, absconding shirt buttons, whist and
dominoes. Shadows present-hoop skirts,
| band boxes, ribbons, CATERS. long stockings,
juvenile dresses, tin trumpets, little willow
chaise, cradles, bbs, pap, sugar teats, para
goric, hive syrup, rheubarb, cestor oil, God
! freys cordial, soothing syrup, SeIna, salts,
| squills and doctor bills. Shadows future
more nine pound babies, more hive syrup, etc.,
etc. I'll just tell You how got caught. 1
was always the darndest, most tea custared,
bashful fellow you ever did see; it was kinder
| in my line to be taken with the shakers, every
! time saw pretty gal approaching me and
| I'D cross the street any time rather than face
one 'twas'nt because didn't like the crit
ters, fer if was behind tree look ing through
a knot hole. could not look at any one long
enough. Well, my sister Lib gave party
one night, and l stayed away from home be-
cause was too bashfnl to face the music. |
hung around the house whis.ling s'Old Dan
Tucker" dancing to keep my ieet warm,
watching the heads bobbing up and down be-
hind the window curtains and wishing the
laundering party would break up, so | could
get to my room. | smoked bunch of cigars
and as it was getting late and mighty uncom-
Portable concluded to shin it up the door
post. No sooner said than done, and | soon
found myself snug in bed. Snow, ''said l,
s'let her rip Dance till your wind gives out!''
And cuddleing under quilts, Morph eus grab
bed me. l was dreaming OF soft she'll crabs
and stewed irpe, and was having good time,
when somebody knocked at the door and woke
me up. Rap again. l LAID low. Rap, rap,
rap Then Lib sings out. slack, are you
there 70 eyes, said l. Then came a roar
of laughter. s'Let US in,'' says she. 81 WON'T"
says |, ''can't you let fellow alone 20 care
you in bed ?'' said she. "I am,'' says |.
ssGet up, Essays she. ssI won't, - saysI. Then
came another laugh. By thunder. began to
get riled.
ssGet out, you petticoated scare crow 20
cried sscan't you get beau without hauling
fellow out of bed ! | won't go home with
you i won't so you may clear out" And
throwinga boot at the dooriI felt better. But
presently, oh mortal buttons 1 heard a still
small voice, very much like sister Libs, and
it said slack, you'll have to get up for all
the girls things are in there 20 Oh, Lord
what pickle Think of me in bed, all COW
cred with shawls, muffs, bonnets and cloaks,
and twenty girls outside the door waiting TO
get in If had stopped to think l could
have pancaked on the spot. AS it was, roll
ed out among the bonnet ware and ribbons
in hurry. Smash went the millenery in
every direction. / had to dress in the dark
for there was crack in the door, and girls
WILL peek-and the way fumbled about was
death to straw hats. The critical moment
came. l opened the door and found myself
among the women. ssOh ! my leghorn 20
cried one. "My dear, darling winter velvet 20
cried another, and they pitched in-they pull |
ed me this way aud that, boxed my ears and
one bright eyed little piece, Sal -, her
name was-put her arms around my neck and
kissed me right on my lips. Human nature |
couldn't stand that, and gave her good as
she sent. 1t was the first time that got a
taste, and it was powerful good | believe | |
could have kissed that gal from Julias Caesar |
to the 4th of July.
'sJack.'' said she, GIVE are sorry to disturb |
you, but won't you see me home ?'' sYes |
I I,ri1 40 q had
smack at the gate. too. After that We took a
kinder turtledoving after each other, both of
us signing like a barrel of new cider when we |
were away from each other. ssTwas at the |
close of glorious summer day-the sun was |
setting behind distant hogpen-the chickens
were going to roost the bullfrogs were COM |
mencing to sing their evening songs the |
pollywogs in their native mudpuddles were |
preparing for the shades of night, and Sal and |
myself sat upon an antiquated backlog, list |
ming to the music of nature, such as tree toads |
ROSTERS and grunting pigs, and now and then |
the mellow music of distant jackass was
waited to our ears by the gentle zephyrs that |
sighed among the mullen stalks, and came |
laden with the delicious oder of hen roosts and |
pig styes the lingering rays Of the setting |
sun ancng from the brass buttons of soli- |
tary horseman shone through TIE knot hole |
in the hog pen, full in SAILS face, dying her
hair with an orange peel hue, and showing eff |
of my arms around Sal's waist, hand on |
the small of her back. She was toying with /
my auburn locks of jet black hue she was |
almost gone and ] was ditto. She looked |
like grass hopper dying with the hickups, |
and l felt like mud turtle choaked with
cod fish ball.
s'Sal,' says l, in voice musical as the notes |
of dying swan, sswill you have me 10 She |
turned her eyes heavenward, clasped me by |
the hand, had an attack of the blind Staggers |
aud with sigh that drew her shoe strings |
clear out, and then squatted in my lap she |
corkScrewed and curfiCmmuxed and rolled |
in it. l hugged her until broke my suspen-
ders. Well to make long story short, she
set the day we practiced for four weeks every |
night how we would walk into the room to get
married, till We got we'could walk as grace
ful as couple of Muscevie ducks.''
The night, the company, and the minister
came; the signal was given, and arm in arm
we passed through the crowded hall. We
were just entering the parlor door, when down
went kersap on the oil cloth, pulling Sal
after me. Some cuss had dropped banana
skin on the floor, and foored me. 1 split an
awful hole in my cassimers right under my
dress coat tail. 1t was too late to back out,
SO clapping my hand over it we marched in
and were spliced. and taking seat watched
the kissing the bride operation. My groomsman
was tight, and he kissed her until l jumped up |
to take slice, when, oh, horror little six |
year old imp had crawled behind me, and |
pulled my shirt through the hole in my pants,
had pinned it to the chair, and in jumping up
1 displayed to the admiring gaze of the aston
ished multitude, trifle more white muslin
than was finally put to bed, and here all my
troubles ended.
An old bachelor, seeing the words esfainilies +
nj lfnA3 nua fho door of oh CT