The Burlington weekly hawk-eye., 1862-12-27
LETTER FROM ORPHEUs Q. KERR.
From the Sunday Mersury.

inc terms, my Ooys VIII INV
nnr distracted country, and beg leave most re.
osoo,fnllv to inform it that the imbecile cold
leather Of the past few days may disgust, but
usver can discourage me. Being Of respects.
ble though democratic parentage, scorn TO
associate . with an Executive and Cabinet SO lost
70 all sense of national comfort, that 1t permits
tbe weather to become constant outrage on
our Constitutions, frequently freezing loyal
Semocrats for no other offence than that OF
nrotectiug defenceless lamp posts after night
ff.I, lam very cold, and my hatred OF the
present Cabinet Cabinet is intense.
Rut what shall say about the agency OF
this same Government in producing q Military
Necessity at the great battle of Paris! Let
~ mt on nv overcoat and express my cold
- a passionste cough, as l remark, that its
a,onv in this matter forcibly reminds me OF a
chan I once knew in the Sixth Ward.
ne was an aged chap of much red nose,
INV boy. and lived with his youngest broad.
clo,h SON ia the same house with his Wsyward
sister. The wsyvard Sister being an old
maid of severe couutenance, occupied such por-
t;ons of the residence as seemed most safe from
the intrusion of that sex which seeks 10 make
Woman its broken hearted slave; and as long
as the patient old chap answered the door. oeii
and DIDN'T smoke in the house, she got along
with him after the manner OF Methodist an
gel. Things went on pleasantly through the
winter, the bigh.minded maiden using the
coal of her aged kindred; and employing all
his black tea without complaining; but IL the
spring she joined Woman's Rights Conven-
tiou and commenced to hold indignation. meet
incs of virtuously indignant females in the
b i room in the house. These meetings have
ing decided, my boy, that.
lgcr 80 M oipo croofOro which ia
constantly preying upon that sex which it is his
mothers. and denying to it those inalienable
Rights without which Woman's sphere cannot
exist. Therefore be it
Resolved: That Woman is the superior Sex.
Resolped. That union with man is incompat
ible with the good of sex which it is our
selves; and that We will Immediately take that
household furniture Of which woman is the
onlv rightful owner, and only asks to be let
alone"
The aged chan received copy Of these res>
olutious. nv boy, and, says the Wayward Sis
ter II can no longer consent to live in the
same house with an inferior being" The chap
heard her in silence, and might have let her
have her own was under ordinary circumstsn>
ces but when he came home next night he
found that she had picked up all the furniture
in the house to carry off with her, and expect
ed him to give her his watch and night. key
He scratched his head and says he: 81 cannot
permit this sort of thing; because really want
some furniture for my own use." The Way
ward Sister threw her thimble at him, and
says she: Our male parient bought this fur
niture only because he got married to one OF
the Superior Sex: and as it was Wowan which
solely occasioned its purchase 1t clearly be-
lodgs TO Woman 15
But the chap could not see it N this light,
nv boy, and as soon as his SOC came home ne
told him all about it. The manly youth took
look up the stairs where the maiden and four
or five other spring bonnets were lntrenched
behind the furniture, and says he: ''lts an
unnstu thing to have trouble with relations; !;
but Pm just going up there to capture that
big chair"
By this time some of the neighbors had come
in, and commenced to urge the old chap to
take vigorous measures. Helooked at his son
and says he: "Can you do it, Tommy" The
child Of his bosom winked twice, and immedi
stely prepared to perform the feat, only paus-
ing long enough to look in q glass and see if
his necktie sat well. Then gaining the head
Of the stairs, he leaned across bureau bar
ring the way, and was abou: to grasp the big
chair, when the Wayward Sister hit him over
the head with broom, and presently he found
himself PROSTATE at the foot of the stairs with
Q violent pain in his nose
On Witnessing this disaster, all tie neigh
bors shrank back with the aged father, and
ssid it was all his doings. The poor old chap
scratched his head, and says he;
"Don't see how it is my fault
"Why," says neighbol Of much fatness,
.'you're always interfering-that's what you
are Now, you'll never get back any OF your
furniture"
'lnterfering?" says the paternal chap, lnno
Gently. "Why, how could interfere with
Tommy, when l only let him do, in his own
way, whvt he gave me to understand he was
able to-
Here all the neighbors sighed grievousy,
and says one: miserable old man, we believe
you mean we'll enough; but the fact is you
are species of old idiot. 1t was your busi-
ness to have had another son who would have
been this ones brother; SO that if one met with
heart-rending failure on the stairs, the
other could simultaneously have entered that
back window by ladder, and taken the chair
by the rear But you are always interfering.
Take our advice now, and either give up
drinking altogether, or arrange it so that those
''who drink with you, may be persons not dis
tnguishable from ourselves"
And they all departed shaking their heads,
my boy-they all departed shaking their heads,
leaving the unfortunate old chap to bind up
bis ofsprings nose, and to reflect upon the
great iniquity of interfering with one sons
success by no, having another.
The Government of our distracted country,
my boy, is so very much like this well meaning
but imbecile old chap, that the failure of any
one Of its generals is entirely due 10 its inter
ference in not having another general; who, IN
case that general did not succeed could take
his place before be failed TO do SO.
The Military necessity produced by this in
reference took place at Paris. very recently,
and shortly after the new General Of the
Mackerel Brigade had 60 nearly won the bat
lie BY that revolution Of manly Shape to which
referred in my last letter.
Finding that the terrible bombardment OF
Paris. my boy, had routed the struggling
Confederacies from that ancient city. the whole
Mackerel Brigade marched safely across Duck
Lake, leaving only the Orange County Howit.
iers on this side. Scarcely had the spectacled
host occupied the city, when there appeared
H. u @