The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-12-10
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
SURE TO harrow up the sole-Peg-end.
inside ones boots.

age. Cos why! the train always run.
over sleepers.
81 Amt gun, MOTHER" said little
sick boy whose mother wanted him tc
take powder.
THERE'S lady down east so modest
that she does not like to be locked al
with the naked eve.
"UNloN is not always strength as
the sailor said when he saw the pursel
mixing his rum with water.
LITTLE sincerity is to be expected be-
tween belligerents. Even their cannon
ball arguments are all irony.
A MINISTER prayed feryently for those
of his congregation who were too proud
too kneel and too lazy to stand.
"l'M surprised, my dear, that | have
never seen you blush" "Tho fact is,
husband, l was born to blush unseen."
How does the Presidents proclamation
conflict with the tariff? One imposes a
n Tax on wool, and the other makes wool
free.
THE correct answer to the gentleman
who wrote the song, "Why did | mar
ry| most likely would be, "Because
your wife was foolish"
Why does Stuart's late incursion into
Pennsylvania beat King Solomon! Be-
cause Solomon, in all his glory, was not
a raid like one Of these!
AM not little pale?' inquired la.
dy, who was short and corpuleut, Of n
crusty old bachelor. You look more
like big tub" was the reply.
TIE following is being debated before
the - Lyceum: (Which causes q
girl the most pleusure--to hear herself
praised or another girl run down!"
A PEDDLER being asked by q spindle
shankcd wag if he had any tin overalls,
replied, "No, but | have pair Of can
die molds that would just fit you."
Ii you dream you are somebody else,
it is clear you are beside yourself; and if
you dream you are donkey, it is sure
sign you have recovered your senses.
A COUNTRY doctor announces that he
has changed his residence to the neighbor-
hood of the churchyard, which he hopes
may prove convenience to his numerous
patients.
IF il was not good, T. C., wrong for
Adam TO live single when there was not
a woman on earth, how very criminally
guilty are old bachelors, with the world
full of pretty girls.
A DUPLIN journal observes that hand
bill announcing public meeting in that
city states, with boundless liberality, that
the ladies without distinction Of sex, are
invited 10 attend"
The following is n copy Of the list of
questions proposed for discussion in de-
batting club down east: "Duz dress con-
stitute the moril parts of wimin9 Is dan
sin morale rong!"
WE have artificial teeth, hair, eyes and
artificial religion and morality. We be-
lieve that some young ladies must wear
artificial heads, as we read Of young
lady whose head was turned by young
man.
A LuNATIc in an asylum was informed
by his brother that considerable property
had fallen to the family, and asked what
disposition should be made OF his portion.
I" You let me out and I'll take caro- Of it,"
was the reply.
AN advocate having gained n suit for
poor young lady, who was very home
ly, she remarked: 81 have nothing to
pay you with, sir, but my heart. y
" Hand it over to the clerk, if you please.
l wish 10 fee for myself" he replied.
A LITTLE girl just past her fifth year.
while chatting about the bcaux that visit
ed two of the fair sex in the same house,
of moro mature age, being asked, "What
do you mean by beaux, Annie" replied,
"Why | mean men that have not got
much sense"
BETsEY's CoURTING SENSATION
There is n dear good old lady in our
" deestrict," who has for daughter an
/" unkinmon" cross old girl, who has not
been burden with n surplus of attention
from the opposite sect" Her mother
wonders "why on airth the feliers don't
come TO see Betsey." But, nairaJile dc
mi last Sunday night Betsey had beau,
and they sot up" and the old lady was
extremely delighted. Monday morning,
when her fair daughter came down to her
morning meal, the old lady exclaimed
with pleasant emphasis:
"Well, my dear, how do you feel this
morning9"
Betsey glared at her moment, and
then muttered in deep, low tones: 4" Feel
as though l could eat su'thin."
Betsey wasn't accustomed to "settin "
up, you Exchange.