Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1862-07-30
WHOLE NO. 1891.
Feminine oontrariety.


respectfully inquireth '.what
do the women want US to do,ab0ut the
.war7' IN the following characteristic style:
: One reason why il is so difficult, to
please awoman Is, that she seldom knows
herself what she wants. In most eases it
Is as hard TO satisfy a woman as 1T would
be to content a captain who would set
you to steer ship and womb mt tell you
whether he wanted you TO go TO Jersey
or to Japan. They would mt be satisfied
whatever you do. Especially IN the mat
ter of war. Particularly in the matter of
the present war. Your wife, or mo ther
ofsister, or whoever may be the woman
that owns you, refuses to be content, no
matter what you do. .Ifyou don't join
military company, she sulks, insInuates
you are coward, turns up her nose, and
s'wishes she was man." If you do join
said company, she scolds about the ex-
pense, grumbles about the loss of time,
and growls every time you go to drill;
though in spite of her growing she always
saYes the choicest part of the dinner for
you whenyou eome.S - -.
Then she laughs at you, and calls you
"a dressed up monkey" the first time she
sees you in uniform; and then, as soon as
you are out of the house, she rushes over
to Mrs. Jones to tell what "a splendid Off
Ger her husband is, and how magnificent"
he looks in his new military dress. Then.
if your regiment IS ordered away, and
you iRsinuate that bushes affairs will keep
you at home. all her FIRE is blazing in an
instant, and she upbraidsyon for backing
out" at the critical moment, and insinuates
that you are ''play-boy soldier and
then wishes she were man--she'd show
folks how to fight. Then, when. You nm
ally make up your mind to go to the seat
of war, she bursts iuto wet tears which
spot your new uniform and tarnish the
gold lace on your sleeves, and thinks
you ought to be ashamed to 60 OFF and
leave your family" She VOWS " she don't
believe you care straw for your wife, or
cent for your sweet children she
'Eknows you would rather be anywhere
than at home and wishes she were q
man, shed teach the President better than
to send men away from their families
Then when the day comes for you to
start she vows that 'she will neEerispeak
to you again if you persist in going.S-
Then, when you take q paper out OF your
pocket, and pretend to read furlough
from the commandant, excusing you and
giving you leave to stay at home, she
throws her apron over her head, sits down
on the floor and howls aloud ito think
she should have coward for husband
that her husband should be afraid to
go to the wars" And then, when you
tell her it's all mistake, and that you are
going after all, she howls louder than ev-
er, because she knows you Will be kill
ed, or she feels it in her bones that you
will come home with two wooden legs,
and then how can you take her to the
academy on opera nights -1.4s+
Then she resorts in turn to every oneof
the immense lists of female tactics to
keep you at home she weeps, she BAN
tiers, she pOkes fun at you-she wishes she
was man-she gets mad-she sulks-she
threatens to go home to her mother-she
won't never live with you an
other day"-she scolds, she entreats, and
as last result she faints-in this case
she always falls into your arms, if YOU
make an effort to catch her if you don't
offer, and it's early in the morning. and
she hasn't made her bed yet, she'll fall on
the bed but if the bed is nicely madeup
the carpet, so as not to muss the bed if
the fainting dodge don't work, and you
still are resolved TO go, she vows she
hates you, and that she'll never speak to.
you again, and then, in order to prove
the bitterness of her hate, she goes of
and packs your haversack fun O. the
dainties and delicaeies Of the season.
Then, after all, at the very last mo-
ment, she comes and throws her arms
around your neck and whispers that she
cloves you the best of all in the world"
and that she'll 'ibe saiek good girl until
you come back" and that she'll take
sueh good care Of the children" and that
you mustn't fret about her." and that
she will write every blessed day, and
and that you must write just as often as
you can, and that she cloves you best,
BEST" and q thousand other little mes
;ages for you, but all kind and loving, and
al told without o tear-fos sheFdoesn't
cry now until you are out of the house;
hen when you are gone, she weeps like
shower bath. for half an hour; then sud-
lenly stops short, wipes her eyes, and
loesn't waste another tear till she. sees
7ou again. That's the way they all do;
md talk as peacefully as you can, she is
never satisfied in her heart until she sees
you in uniform. -.-. t.f, ss-7