The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-10-15

ALTHOUGH one swallow will not make
a summer, still pin malcously inverted
in chair will make one spring.
To make pretty girls cheeks red, pay
her sweet compliment. To redden
those of an impudent man, slap them.
snow, Sam, if you don't stop licking
that molasses, III tell the man." "You
tell the man, and I'll lick you and the
'lasses, too"
A MAN was walking quickly down the
street the other day, when he was sud
denly struck by a thought, and knocked
over into the gutter.
The man who undertook TO wrestle
with n gallon OF rum met with a most sig
nal defeat. He was grasscd in less time
than you could throw somerset.
THERE is man in this city whose
memory is so short that it only reaches
TO his knees. Per consequence, he has
not paid for his last pair Of boots"
AN enthusiastic girl says that the first
time she ever locked arms with young
man, she felt like "Hope leaning on an
anchor" What a delightful feelingl
The manner in which they weigh a hog
out West, it is said, is to put hog in
one scale and some rocks in the other,
and guess Mt the weight of the rocks.
A NAVY surgeon loved to prescribe salt
water. He fell overheard one day.
"Zounds, Bill" said sailor, "there's
the doctor tumbled into his own medicine
chest"
A GOOD wife is like printers roller
the latter being composed of molasses
and glue. She is rs sweet as the former
article, and sticks to her husband like the
latter.
YOU dentist, Bob9 | did not know
you were in that trader EYES," said
Bob, 81 follow no other business but set
ting teeth-in beet, potatoes, bread and
sich like"
THE Albany Kuickcrbocker tells of a
young man who recently died in that city
of disappointed ambition, as he "want-
ed TO wear high shirt collars, and bis
mother wouldn't let him."
THERE is man down East who says
he don't covct wealth by any means, but
thinks he should like TO be second
Rothschild for few moments, if only to
show his contempt for riches.
A YANKEE has just completed a very
important invention. 1t is designed for
editors, and when perfected, will cut out
items, patch trousers, grind out poetry,
rock little responsibilities, etc.
A YOUNG spark, who is courting re-
spectacle young lady in Rochester, sat so
late few evenings since, that the servants
were all the forenoon of next day, in white
washing his shadow off the WALL
"GET out of the way, boy; get out of
the way" said a gentleman on horseback
to a boy in the road, my horse don't
like donkeys." "Doan't he," said the
boy, "then why doan't he kick you OFF,
In fashionable novel tho author says:
Lady Emma trembled, grew pale and
Immediately tainted" The printer, put,
ting p instead of I, rendered it, "The la
dy grew pale and Immediately painted"
PIccoLoMINI kisses?" inquired
waiter OF fashionable hotel lately of n
crusty Benedick he was about to serve
with dessert. "Of course she does,"
was the answer, /" if she's like other wo-
men,"
FATHER, what do you mean by rails
ing things in hot houses" "Why, my
dear boy, you are being raised in house
too hot for me sometimes" The mother
seized broomstick, but the man made
tracks.
THE most interesting sight is that Of
a young lady with eyes like ga gazelle,"
voice like silver trumpet, lips like ru-
bies, and cheeks that have stolen the car
nation Of the deathless rose, with her
of gingerbread!
"SnALL we take bus at Charing
Cross!" said young cockney, who was
showing the wonders of LONDON TO his
country cousin. 30 dear, no." said the
alarmed maiden, +" l could not allow such
a thing in so public thoroughfare."
A MEMBER, in alluding to the bills for
the benefit of married women before the
Missouri legislature, asked if it would not
be better for the members TO do some
hing for the benefit Of single ladies, and
not to trouble themselves with other
mems wives"
A GENIUS in Chatham Street, New
York, wears pair Of white pautaloons a
whole season without once sending them
10 the laundress. When dirty, he just
lakes a whitewash brush and daubs them
over. A shilling's worth of lime does
him two years. There's genius as is a
genius; that young man will do to travel.