Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1862-06-05
BORDER STATE CONSERVATIVES.
BY oRrHEUs KERR.

The conservatives from the border States,
my boy. look upon the Southern States as
q brother, whom it is our duty to protect
against the accursed designs Of the fendish
abolitionists. who would make this war
one OF blood-shed. They ignore ell party
feeling. support the Constitution Us it was,
in contradistinction to what it is, and OBJ
ject to any coh6scation measure calculated
to irritate our misguided brothers and sis
ters in that beautiful land where
The suiter he goes to the planter so grand,
And, "Give me Jour daughter" says he;
"For each unto other we've pIighted our loves
l love her and so she loves me-"
Says he,
"And married we're wishing to be-"
The planter was deeply affected indeed,
Such touching affection to see; 0s.sr.. q
The giving couldn't afford; ;but III sell
Her for six hundred dollars to thee
Says he,
'.1er mother was worth that to me-"
Which / quote from sweet ballad re-
Gently found among some rebel loave-ings
at Yorktown.
These conservative patriots, my boy, re-
mind me Of chap / once knew in the
Sixth Ward A high moral chap. my
boy. and full of venerable dignity. One
night the virtuous cuss doing business the
next door to him, having just got big
insurance on his stock. and thinking him
self safe for flaming speculation. set fire
to his own premises and then called "Mur-
der" on the next corner. Out came the
whole Fire Department. only stopping to
have two fights and skrimmage on the
way. and pretty soon the water was pour
ing all over every house in the street ex
cept the one on fire. The high moral chap
stuck his head out of the window, and
says he, This here fire amt in my house.
and don't want no noise around this here
residence" Upon this, some of our gal
liant fireman. who had just been into o
fashionable drinking shop. not more than
two blocks off. to see If any of the sparks
had got in there. called to the old chap to
let them into his house, so that they might
get at the conhagration more easily
"Neyerw says the chap. shaking his night
cap conyulsively; Il didn't set fire to
Joneses. and can't have no fire depart
ment running around my entries"
"See here, old Blue Pills." says one oe
the fireman. pleasantly. "if youdon't let us
in. your own crib'l go to blazes in ten min
utes."
But the dignifed chap only shut down
the window and went to bed again. saying
his prayers backward. l would not ac-
cuse noble Department of violence, my
boy. but in about three minutes there was
q double e-bsck-action machine standing in
that chaps front entry. with three-inch
streams out Of all the back windows. Ths
fire was put out with only half hos.
company killed and wounded, and tht
next day there was a meeting to see wha
should be done with the incendiary chap
when he was caught. The high mora
chap was at the meeting very early, and
says he: e
''Let me advise moderatian in this her,
unhappy matter. l feel deeply interested.
says the chap. with tears. 'for assisted
to put out the confagration by permitting
the use of my house by the firemen. / al
most feel" says the genial chap. like &
fellow-freman myself"
At this crisis chap who was assistant
engineer. also Secretary to the Board o
Education, arose, and says he:
"Whst are yer coughin' about, old peg
top? Didn't me and the fellers have t.
cave in your door with the night-ke,
wrench-sa-a-a-Y? What are yer gassin
about, then? You did muchness-yoa
did! Yes, slightually-m horn! Now
says the gallant fireman. with an agreeabl
smile. elf you don't jest coil in yer hos
and take the sidewalk very sudden. it'll b
my duty, as a member of the department
to bust yer eye."
l commend this chaste and rhetorica
remark. my boy, to the attention Of th'
Border State Conservatives. 4