The Bedford gazette. [volume] (Bedford, Pa.) 1805-current, 1862-09-05
NEW SERIES.
Letter from Major Jack Downing.

4
Wal, here am back agin to Washing
ton. didn't expect to cum on before fall,
at any rate, but got letter from Lincon,
tellen me he couldn't do without me, no how.
He sed that the bars were all down since,
an that the cattle, an horses, an hogs, an
sheep, an mules, were all muddled together
in one lot. see, at once, the pickle LIN
| con was in, an so determined to push off
for Washington once more, an see CT L
couldn't help him out. 1t was uncommon
hot wether, an it pulled down purity hard on
a constitushin which has had to go thru "a
bout eighty sich summers. Howsoever, no
one ought to stand about hot wether in the
sarvice Of his country, even ef he don't git
Ia salary, Or have a contrack, or some bro
ther or son where he kin make pile. [
never had a cent for all I've done an wouldn't.
take it. | think, eff there is eny human
critter on arth who is meaner than another,
it is one who plumbers the people, all the
while purending to be a patriot. Wen |
arriv, ses |, 'Kernel, what's the matter?"
Ses he, ''l[ajer, did you ever hear of the
story of man who caught the panther by
the tail?" Ses l, ''yes, Kernel, | have. =
"Wal," says he, sim that man. I've got
the biggest he panther by the tail that you
ever heerd tell Of Eff | was splittn rails
I'd know jist what to do" "Why," scs [,
"Kerncl, what could you do then?' ''Wal,"
ses he, 'jist put his tail in the crack of the
log, knock out the wedge an run. But you
see, Majer, / amt splittin rails, now, an,
therefore that plan went work. ''No,"
ses l, ''Kernel, you amt splittin rails, but
I'm afecrd you're splittin somethn else."-
Ses he, ''what?" Ses !, ''THE UNIoN."
''Now Maier," ses the Kernel, ''you don't
think | want to split the Union, do you?"
"No," ses I, 81 don't know as you're raley
t,yin to split it, but then you've been sich
a splitter all your life, that perhaps you're
doin it onbeknowin to yourself. You see,
Kernel,a las long as you stick TO themAboltion-
lists, iist SO long the Union will not only stay
split, but the split will grow wider. They
are the wedge and you are the mallct. You
jist knock the wedge out, an the Union will
cum together jist like shuttin up a jack nite.
have got an institushin which they consid-
er rong, an they're determined TO uproot it.
In tryin to do that, they'll split everything
all to smash, an by the time they git thru,
it will look as cf lightnin had struck this
, country from Maine to Texas, in spots not
moro than six inches apart"
oval" ses the Kernel, ses he, "Majer,
that brings up great moral qucstshin, as
the nigger sed when he was stealin chickens,
an we hain't got time to discuss it now.-
You see, Maier, [ sent for you to know
what [ had better do about Mcclellan. |
git all sorts of contradictory stories from his
army, an I'm puzzled most to deth to know
what to do" sNVal, scs |, ''Kernel, there
is notllin like goin in the field yourself, an
examine for yourself of you want to know
how things stand" ''Wal," ses he, 'thats
list what I've ben thinkin of, an as you are
milingtary man, | wanted you to go with
, me-" teled him 81 had no objecshin to
goin. an that ef / had fair chance | tho't
could tell about how things looked. So,
we got reddy, and the Kernel asked old
Blair's son Frank and Sccetary Stantin's
chief clark, to go along with us. We went
down the Potomac, and .iist called at Fort
Morrow, an then went up the Jecms River
: to IIarrisin Landn. Coin up the river we
kept a sharp look out for thereblis who line
the banks an shoot at our botes. | told the
Kernel that he must be nifty keerful an not
cit hit, as the way stocks would tumble in
t Wall street would be a caushln. 80 TUX
him down stairs when we cum to the dam
gerous place. There they had the bote lined
with bales of hay. Ses he, ''Majer, which
way does the shootin cum from?" "Wal,"
ses |, "Keme, there's no tellin, butt ses |,
s'you'd better git behind that bale, for it's a
big one, an here's another on t'other side,
: so | guess you'll be safe" While he was
settin there, ses he, "Maier, | amt afcerd
; hooter, but you see | didn't want them
seceshers to brag about KILN me-" ''No,
ses |, "Kernel, that wouldn't do eny how. y
Jist then 'bang went sumthin like a shot.
The Kernel jumped about ten feel riie across
the botc an hit Frank Blair with his left
, boot rite where he ought not TO. Frank
thought he'd bin struck with cannon bail,
, an tumbled over, leavin the scat OF honor
uppermost Stantin's chief clark acted as
ef he'd bin eatin pokobcrres, an had an
awful gripin in the bowels. 1t seems one OF
the bales Of hay had bin tipped over when
the Kernel give his big jump, and hit the
chap rite in his bread basket. We were all
purity badly scarf, for | tell you it makes a
t tener nifty narvus when he's in an inemies
country, an may be hit eny moment with a
| cannon ball or Minny bullet. Shootin
will do very well as long as somebody else
is shot at, but when it Gums to yourself it
, makes you feel weak in the jnts, an sum
, times il brings on the dye-area. When we