Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-03-15
A Word to the Afflicted.
Old Doctor Noodle. retired pi

Old Doctor Noodle, retired physi-
elan whose sands of life are nearly run
out. wishing to be a great benefactor
to mankind, takes this opportunity to
inform the citizens Of Grand Rapids
and neighboring towns that he will be
IN Grand Rapids and hold 4 fesee at
Magnolia Hall, on Monaay cvering,
March 18th, 1862.
While residing in the central Dor
ton of Africa, six hundred miles be
yond any place that has ever been trotl
by the foot of the white man, he was
attacked by the yellow fever and small
pox which settled on his lungs, produ-
cling very irksome disease While
suffering i'll this way, speedy and eff
tectlve cure was revealed 20 him by q
Gorilla in dream. The aged DOCTOR.
as his sands of life are Just about play
ed out, wishes his remedy to have a
wide circulation, that he may relieve
is many as possible of his fellow suff-
erers, and he is induced by no pccuni-
AIRY motives to visit this place, as he
has, during his life, accumulated on
immense fortune. lie is, however, ac-
companicd by his faithful valet. John
Lollipop, a youth OF great promises,
who has aged and indignant parents to
support by the sweat of his eyebrow.
The doctor would, therefore, recon-
mend John to Your generosity, rs he
is poor and scarcely honest. The
smallest tavors vii! be gratefully re-
ceived, rs he receives no wages from
doctor Noddle.
Lolllpop, during his vast travels in
accompanying tie doctor, has picked
up an immense amount of medical
knowledge. He has pursued the whole
coursc-llom9pathy, Allapathy, Hv-
dropathy and Cnreapaddy, besides
having been appointed Physician Ex-
traordinary to His Honor Abe Lincoln.
Daring his long and protracted stud
les, he has discovered 4 lozenger (made
ENTIRELY Of minerals, as all vegetables
are more or less poison) which will
cure almost every i'll that human flesh
is heir to, besides being an excellent
promoter of the growth OF whiSkers.
Beware Of counterftitS The great
success Of this remedy has caused ma
ny worthless limitations. Look out for
quack nostrums All genuine have n
fac simile OF Lollipops signature Gu
the wrapper. All orders accompan-
led by the money will meet with
prompt attention. Be careful to write
the name of the Post Office, County
and State in a lcgible hand. Reader,
why will you suffer when relief seems
| within your reach, for it was admitted
even by the ancient Philosophers chat
II there is anything worse than unrc-
Quilted love, it is sore heel" Don't
forget the name-Lollipop's Lucrative
Lopcared Lozcngers. Gravcyards are
but monuments to his fame, and lonr
lists OF widows and orphans will testi-
| ty to the effectiveness of his remedies.
But we will append only one Of the
many certificates that are forced in
upon us:
LEWISTON, Feb. 80, 1861.
JOHN LOLJIrOP, NJ. ID. 4.
Dear Benetucto,' II WAS SUP
posed to be in the last stages of con-
| sumption in the year 80, suffering at
the same time under severe attack
OF rheumatism, liver complaint, gravel,
dropsy, and the cholera monbus.-
Simultaneously, also, took the yellow
fever and small pox; the latter assum-,
ing the chronic form of scrofula, CON-,
pleteiY destroyed my lungs, liver, spi-
nal-lnarrow nervous system and the en-
tire contents Of my Uranium. got 20
iow that / did not know my brother
in-law when he came TO borrow some
money. For three months | swallow
ed nothing but forty packages of Lolli-
pops Lucrative Lopearcd Lozengers,
which effected an immediate cure in
three weeks. Besides, having an ex-
cellent growth Of whlskers, for which
alone | cannot ever be sufficiently
grateful. l would checrfully recon-
mend this medicine to all sick or well.
Yours, truly,