Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1862-07-23

4 Fslagas gaay il Virginia -Esniusky Conservatism

I arrived Just in time to start with Captain
Bob Shorty and company from the Con-
ic Section Of the MackeraI Brigade on a
foraging expedition. We went to lock up
few straw beds for the feeding Of the
Anatomical Cavalry horses, my 10y, and
the conservative Kentucky chap went along
to see that we did not violate the constitu-
ton nor the rights of man.
aIfs my opinion, comrade." says Capt.
Bob shorty, as we started outfits my
opinion, my Union ranger, that this here
unnatural war is getting worked down to
very fine point when we can't 60 out for
an armful Of forage without taking the
constitution along on an ass. | think"
say Captain Bob Shorty, "that the consti-
sutton is as much out Of place here as
set Of fancy harness would be in drove
Of wild bufFaces."
Can such be the case, my boy-can such
be the case? Then did our revolutionary
forefathers live in vain.
Having moved along in gorgeous cayal-
cade till about loon, we stopped at the
house Of First Family of Virginia who
were Just going to dinner. Captain Bob
Shorty ordered the Mackerals to stack
arms and draw canteens IN front door
ward, aud then we entered the domicil and
salutad the domestic mass meeting in the
dining-room.
1--WE come, sir" says Bob, addressing
The venerable and high-minded chivalry
at the head Of the table, "to ask you if
you have any old straw beds that you
don't want, that could be used for the
cavalry Of the United States of America"
The ehivalry only paused long enough
10 throw a couple Of pie plates at US, and
then says he:
care you accursed aboitionists Z"
The conservative Kentucky chap stepped
hastily forward and says he
''No, my dear sir, we're the conservative
clement"
Tie chiyalry's venerable wife, who was
female Southern Confederaey, leaned
back little in her chair, So that her little
son could see to throw a tea-cup at me;
aal says she:
'.Y u amt Tribune reporters-be you"
We were all noes and no ayes. Quite
fsatura in social intercourse, my boy.
The aged chivalry caused three fresh
chairs to be placed at the table, and hav-
ING failed to discharge the fowling piece
which he had pointed at Captain Bob
Shorty, by reason Of dampness in the cap,
he waved US to seats, and says he;
"sit down, poor hirelings of a gorilla
9esnot. and learn what it is TO taste the
hospitality of southern gentleman. You
sro Lincoln hordes," says the chiyalry,
shaving his white locks, "and have come
3 butcher the Southern Confederacy; but
tba southern gentlemen knows how to be
courteous, even to yandal foe"
IIere the chiyalry switched out cane
which he had concealed behind him, and
nade blow at Captain Bob Shorty.
See here" says Bob, Indignantly, "Ill
be--n
e'IIush" says the conservative Ken
lucky chap, agitatedly, "don't irritate the
Old patriarch, or the future amicabe recon
struction Of the Union will be out Of the
question. He is naturally little provok
ed just now" says the Kentucky chap,
smootlingly, "bur we must show him that
we are his friends"
We all sat down in peace at the hospital
board, my boy, only few sweat potatoes
and corn-cobs being thrown by the chill
dfen, and found the fare to be in keeping
with the situation Of our distracted country
II may say warfare.
ain consequence of the blockade Of the
Washington Ape" says the chiyalry,
pleasantly, owe only have one course, you
see; but even these last years sweet pota-
toes must be- Injuries to mercenary mud
sills accustomed to hulks."
I had just reached out my plate, to be
helped, my boy, when there came great
noise from the Mackerals in the front door.
yard.
WHAT'S thati' says Captain Bob
Shorty.
30 nothing" says the female Confsdsr-
seY, taking another bite Of hoe cake, "Iy'e
oniv told one Of the servants to threw some
not water on your reptile hirelings."
ks Captain Bob Shorty turned to thank
le fof her explanation. and while his plate
waa extended, to le helped, tue aged chival-
EG HEe8 pistol az ntlu across the laole'
tho Bad Just grazing bis head and entering
The wall behind him.
"Ty all that's bIue!7 says Captain Bob
Shorty, sxeitedly, 'now I'll be-"
BE calm, now; be calm" says the con
seryaGve kentucky chap, hastily; "don't
/ tell Jon that its only natural for the
good ga soul to be a little provokedl If
You al to irritate him, we can never live
together as brethren again"
Matters being thus rendered pleasant
ry boz, ne quickly finished the simple
meal and as Captain Bob Shorty warded
of the carving knife just thrown at Linn By
abe chivalry's little son, be turned to the
female Confederaey. and says he:
aMany thanks for your kind hospitali-
~; and now about that straw bed n
9he Virginia malron threw the vinegar
srast at him, and says she:
shy servants have already given one to
cam sssrn;oes vou nasty Yankee