, 1862-08-09
Chr UrituuE.
SATURDAY, AUGUST Q, 1852,


boy, By the return OF the Venerable Ga,nmon
3rcm visit to his aged family at Mug vile,
whi1her be goes regularly once q month for
the benefit OF the Eagaclous chaps OF the press.
4 great bleseteg Is the Vnerable Cannon to I
the palladium Of cur liberties, my boy; for
10 sooner does our army change it's bass OF
ofera.ionB. and do other things calculated to
make tbe war interesting. and lengthy, than
he pulls out his RIFLES, stghs frequently, and |
melte away to Mugvllie. Then all the seg4-
cioug press chaps 1ush to the Telegraph office
an" fash ferefish laraerarhs 70 th1 iatelllgent
nor ling journals: 'dighly important-S
Mugvi1ie to attend the deathoea OF relative
Believed In military circles that this fndi- |
Gates q change In the Cahinet--Border States t
delegation has again waited on the President
More vigorous policy needed"
Whereupon the editors of al the In ee1lieenl
morning journals ecstaticsly print the p.7a:
grspns, affxing TO them: ''Note by Editor.
Washington is 4 town in the so.callsd Dis
trio: OF Colum bia-eitaated On the Potomac.
w infer IRON our cofrezlondent's dispatch
American journalism, my hoy, Is Frtsentfog
q vast amount Of matter daily, is cmineat.y
calculated TO impress the youthful brain with
a keen eeuee OF what wide distinction there
is betweep mind aud m4tter. |
Immediately on the return OF the Venerable
Cannon be commenced saying things, which
made all the rest Of maniind seem Ike With
ered children in comparison with him. He
lA1ds, and says to him:
III WOULD appear, lny beloved R4ter Edt'5a,
that military nAtters are notYulte as interest
ing IS Notnsn with q Eeadacne just now"
Ibe Venerable Ga1nlnop, piEied my youth, |
blee=trg 10 al the world. s'MiAeary atf,irs,''
Fass lie, effulgently, s'are like metaphysics. |
Military ati4sfe," ;" says ths Venerable Gam
mo,, henigrantly, "are ike that waich wedo !
not understand they deiy our comprehension,
c..4 +sSf1r ~ f.@r It.{1.t
IfeE all the Congressman looked a. each |
Other, as much rs to say the Union YVES saved |
at last: and / felt like babe tn the presence
Of Ihe great Bthemoth Of the scriptures.
How The Venercl Cannon. has anything at
all to do with this war, can't dud on, my
boy; but when the etIection2te popullce
learned tnat the Venerable Cannon had re-
turned from Mngville, they sWarmed around
his carriage and entrea1ed him either 70 spit
upon them or save them from SLOW decay by
tpeecb. It wa6 then The venerable man raised
his hand in soothing benediclion, and, says
he:
.hy friends, you are young jet; and have
much to learn concerning war. I can only
ay to you, my friends, that all goes well With
! Mr Mcclellan; aud ii yon will only hasten
10 ill Up cid regiments raise feH new ones,
| and 80 yourselves, the advance upon Rich
| nionc mag commence AZ aEy time"
The most enthusiastic cheering followed
| this comforting speech Of the venerable Gam
nlon, and six ecststistie chaps immediately
! Uttered to volunteer Us major-general5.
! Shxll ne presume to talk OF drafting, my
| boy, when LheTe is such readiness on the part
| Of TIE people TO lead the troops? | tai:ik
not. my boy, think not. Let the draft be
| protested.
On "Wednesday aGain took trip to Paris,
accompanied by my 1rescotd dog Bologna, and
found. upon reaching tha; city tina. the nlaclz-
erel brigade f-d built itself a theatre, after
the manner Of DrurE Lane. and was about 70
! partake Of the rich, intellectual DRAMA Tllis
chaste temple might possibly be taken for
cuw-sht d, my boy, By those who are not coa-
yersant with architecture in one story. It oc-
cupies spot which has been rising grouna
ever since the Uaackerels commenced to dig
trenches around it; and the front door is SO
spacious that you have go au around the build
ace similar to those which are supposed to
have hc:n SO popular with the Count de
| GrasEc, and the stage is exquisitely extempor-
iztd from several -four barrels, with curtain
created from TWO flannel petticoats recently
belonging to the wife Of the southern con-
| fedcsacy.
Passing over ali intervening events, my boy,
! let 1uc 1iTect YOU" special attention to tne
tight We celebrated, when found myself
occupying box previously used for crac&-
lY uni:or1os ard .:azzled by she glitter OF TIE
shoyels worn by the military celebrities pres
| en:. In a box (marked ''Sperm Candies
Fira1 q'ta1lty"J on tuy right, notic:d nun.
Der OF Distinguished persons whom did not
know, and Iu. the lett were grouped several
| cetebra1ed visitors with whom YVES not &c
qsairttd. The stage itself f.: 1ized numerous
trillian. looil.Alts IN The way ot bottles cor
: 'sining go geous talloH dips; and when the
orcl:eetEa Drought nut t's ksy-bugle ane
| =suck up the 1uar1ial strain Of II want to bt
an angel,'' thtr re WAS dry eye III the house.
Make note OF this LAST IN parallci:d fact
E.y boy; for yon, nor any Other mortal man
ettr Eeurd Gf It's occurrence bclorc.}
~f,1r 11t, f1l+x fSFTy fat
5 gentleman wllo LEAD forgotten to wash hil se'
2 when the wash stand went round last time
the play commenced; aud found 1t to be
THE UNION As IT WAS.
A. HIGH MORAL DRAMA, IN ONE ACT
DY CAPTAIN WILLIAM BROWN, EsKEyIRE.
Tie plot Of this adn1irAhle work is very sim
| Tic, my by, aud appeals to those sentiment
- 1T th. human heart which affect th- livc,
The sceae is laid in Washington, whcrc it ha
= / been frequently seen, and the lrana open
CONSERVATIVE CHORUS.
II Abraham, spare the South,
r. Touch Dot single eaFe;
NEr c1cH by WORD ut mouth
Disturb the thing, We crave
'Twas our furefathers hanu
- That -inseEv hesGt;
~ I'll .r. abraham let it ftand,
liiuc acts shall }tA1.h it llo..
sse A. *hc conclusion OF this spirited ration
il anthem. the hordcr State chaps who tsa,
,Is 5 lccn singing it are invited to have auoth
~ interview with the president. who has on
i'd sttn t:e,n twice the same noraing. I
they pass Ont, the celebrated Miss ssolumo
-ppeajs, ur:1't in deep thought aud Il
American usg, aud resdiDg the twenty thi'
n, proclamation tor the current month. s;
risks her Lcart IT she is Indeed divorced
aer once happy Guion is indeed broken; st
? as her heart refuses to ans sHcr any sua
-. common question, doubt is allowed TO r
6. main in the bosom OF the spectator. In DEF
r41 I'm
1nstou ana softly siags u Hail Columbia
while tie South r. c 'nft5n'ccy, ", % aus ju
ut. arrived. p.ucee1s to Plant batteries III ar3n
LEI, assisted iii the work by re:isble CONT
bHuds. After s:;zrn moments seen. II pray
-. for the T>s ose ot S4tretar} Welle5 Eo.u Mt
eH ii covers her surroundings, aud is abo
g. e.. to n,ake s. faint, when thu spirit
y :He Napnieon app.ars, aud tells her th
- she has nothing 10 far, As he is about
In ch"rge his ba>.: Of operations aud take Ri:
W mond. He tells her that he would have
~. ken it 10, e before but for the Ifi1aHc. E
''7 il very inc scene-yery tiue. Tho spirit
Napoleon then proceeds to pick up eve
l. thing he can find ard throw it over to t
;iIc swinging himself around so that his LET'S
:Iat n,a, be presented 10 t!,a cne;ay instead OF
right, si1ily 3ausit2 Ion. enough l., draw b.
a reliable .on. 'uLard H. has started to
,,+- sert to LIN. Matters are p:osr :ssinE a1tns
:a:e tly. and TIE ccntrctrlcx has onls Haa
nd: twenty -four ulore batteries around Culualo
!s3 5as wLti the conservative CHORUS con
> : a. tearing Bat K to the scene, with the news t.
the president has determined to raT Tor
:, runaway elaytS in postage stsMp3! I
silt.:lit stroke Of l'Jiiey so coa1lr;el5 st
- | gers The con1e d.racy, that ht only ire
IN ! thirty Two mort batteries, aud athno wl-d
that bis back bone is broken. Strange to s
Ctlunbin st:ll laSors nnder The delos.on t
! she is ii danger; but Is finally reassured
rs the spirit 1t Napoleon, who cn:Iriua>S
,.x4, that all Is going ws::1, and - once ir1ws
-- shovel and eo1nlncnces to dig 3 hole. Col,
bia asks: - Wherefore this diYEiag2'
- which the response is:
IN tOur Union in iie broken state,
,tc-n II discotd to the soul:
an; Ard therefore we ar digging here
il bs To raS&e the Union hU!t.
nj Tie digging proceeds nnt;f the spirit
-. Napol, on il sunk deep into the earth II
pv the Southern CoEfclrra.s Ge1beIs:cIy 81
,r-. over the ho!e and Captures Washington,
sSea tEc Same time ordering Columtia to b
: 81! Lis boots. Columbia woult t.: utterly oe
Of hope a. this turn ia a1i.irs bnt for
mi. cheerful conduct If the cUn:e7v:st:ye clio
cod WHO bid her r-jojCe that the good old ii
- have come sgatn. Columbia then remem
MI. that She did indeed tiscS thr boots Of
Ter l. eonfetcracy in the good cid times. aud it
sss denly tlasEes upon her that the Union Is
'HHms IN tTuth re<to:ea--As II WAS. 4 brilliant
hray light is thro.Tn Upon tie ECrnc, and as
col curtain falls, the conservative chorus are
- in tie act Of taking ali tie c1e.it TO ii
Dir sslxes, ard Indignantly refusing to pay I
war t2xcs-
,.,. This affecting drama Of real life WIS nl
diuss. entirely by gift:n MacScTels, my boy, tle