The Burlington weekly hawk-eye. [volume] (Burlington [Iowa]) 1860-1876, 1862-05-24


LErrzn 1nsM enPnEUs Q. KERn'
Tsa.nph e Msxsl ArsAlssss.ss--Cav-
81 rs q Fssls, -, -.
III 0enspsodaes oiths n, 7. ouaAay wsssusy.
have just returned, ny boy, from witness.
efn times, and shall see starspangled banners n
every sunset for III months 70 como.
Hearing that the Southern Confedefscy had
evacuated Yorktown, for TIE reason that he
Last Ditch had moved on The hfst Of Nay
70 . place whore there would b leoe rent
from our cannon, I started early In the
week for the quarters OF The valorous and 80
culinary Msokersl Brigade, expecting that Il he'd
gone toward Richmond for life, liberty, and ths
lpursuit Of happiness.
On reaching the Peninsula, howsvsr, learned
that the Nackerel ''corps damms' he'd been Isls
behind 70 capture the city Of Paris In co-opssa-
/ Reaching the stamping ground, my boy, BE-
held . scens at once unique and impressive
Each individual nackerel vas seated on tbs
ground with sheet Of paper across hIs knsee.
and an Ink bottle beside him, writing like on In
spircd poet.
Iapproachsd Captain William Brown, who wss
covering some bare spots on his gsomstricsl
steed Euclid with pieces scisssored out Of sa
old hair.trunk, and says I:
"Tsll me, my noble Hector, what means this
literary scene which mine eyes beholdi"
a"Ahf" says William, setting down bis glue pot
I'VE are about 70 engage in skrimmsge fron
which not one may come out alive. These be-
roic beinp," ssys William, "are ready 70 die for
their country at sight, and you now behold them
making their Wills We shall march upon Pariss
says William, $50 soon - I hear from Sergeant
O'Pake, who has been sent 70 destroy . mill dan
belonging TO the Southern Confederacy. Come
with me, my nice little boy, and look at the
squadron TO take part in the attack" - ~.
This squadron, my boy, consisted Of one 20.
inch rov-boat, mounting II inch swivel, and
commandedb by Com. Head, late Of the cansl-bost
service. It is iron-plated after peculiar man
ner. When the ingenious chap who vas 70 iroa-
plate it commenced his work, Com. Head order.
ed him TO put the iron plates on the iasds Of the
boat instead Of the outside, a. in the case Of the
Monitor and Galena. 4g. 7zs5ss
"Mhat do you means" says the contractor.
plates Intended to protect the crevin
Yes" says the contractor. fiz rs
"Well, then, you poor ignorant cuss, says The
Commodore, in great passion, "what do you
want 70 put the plates on the outside fori The
crew won't be on the outaide-will its The crew
will be on the inside-won't iti And how are
You going to protect the crew on the inside by
putting iron plates on the outsider
such reasoning, my boy, was convincing, and
the nackerel Squadron 10 plated inside.
While was contemplating this new triumph
Of American naval architecture, and wondering
what they would say about It in Europe, an or
deriy rode up and handed scrap of paper to
William. -3il.- A5IJ sA'
"Ha" says William, perusing the message and
then passing it to me, "the veteran O'Pake has
not deceived the United States of America"
Tho message was directed TO the General of
the hackerel Brigade, BY boy, and read - fol.
lows:
"GIzzaAL:-M accordance with your orders. I
have destroyed TIE mil d-n. O'PAKE."
"ARd now" says William, returning his can.
teen TO his bosom and pulling out bis rufaes,
the United States of America win proceed to
capture Paris with great slaughter. Let the
Brigade form in marching order, while the feet
proceeds around BY water, after the manner of
Lord Nelson"
The Mackerel Brigade was quickly on the
march, headed BY the band, who PLAYED an en-.
tirely new version Of "Hail Columbia" on bis
key.bugle. Tramp, tramp, tramp! and We found
ourselves in position before Paris
Paris, my boy, was city of two houses pre-
sboeS w su0 hCCSus HtCot WHICH OesLrOyeO
half Of it, and we found 1t fortified with strong
picket fence and counterscarp eathworks, from
the top of which frowned guns of great compass.
The Mackeref Brigade was at once formed in
line-of battle order-the line being not quite -
straight a. an ordinary Pennsylvania railroad
while the feet menaced the waterfront of the
city from Duck Lake. -.
You may not be able to find Duck Lake on the
maps, my boy, as it is only visible after heavy
rain. a5 za-
Previous to the attack, balloon, containing
a Mackerel chap, and Q telescope shaped like
bottle, were sent up to reconnoitre.
"Well," says William to the chap When he
came down, "what is the force of the Confeder-
acyi" 7 I..sr
an old woman"
. "scorpionl" says William, his eyes flashing
like the bottoms of two reversed tumblers, 81
believe you to be an accursed abolitionist. Go
instantly to the rear" says William, fercely,
sand read the Report Of the Van Wyck Investi-
eating Committee"
1t was terrible punishment, my boy, but the
example was needed for the good of the service.
The Orange County Howitzers now advanced
to the front, and poured terrible FIRE in the d.
rection of point about half way, between the
nearest steeple and the meridian, working hor-
rible carnage in a flock of pigeons that happened
w 10 passing ~ tuo time.
Splendid, my glorious Prooshians!" says
William, just escaping . fall from his saddle BY
the conclusive start of Euclid, that noble war
horse having been suddenly reused from pleas
ant d0se BY the firing" splendid, my artillery
darlinga Only, says William, thoughtfully, ''as
the sun is friendly power, don't aim at him 20
accurately next time"
Neantime, Company s, Regiment 8, had ad-
vanced from the right, and were just about to
make . splendid bayonet charge by the oblique,
over the picket fence and earthwork, when the
Confederacy suddenly opened q desdl,
fire OF old shoes, throwing the Hackerels into
great confusion.
Almost simultaneously, large potato struck
tho heet on Duck Lake, ON the nose, - intense.
~ exciting him, that he incontinently touched
of his swivel, 10 the great detriment Of the sur
rounding country.
This was . critical moment, my boy: the least
trtie on either side would have turned the scale,
and given the victory to either party. William
Brown had just assumed the attitude in which
be desired Frank Leslie's illustrated Artist to
draw him, whsn familiar domestic uteusil came
Kissing through the lurid air from the rebel
works, and exploded in two pieces at his feet
"Hs J" says William, eyeing the fragments
with great Pallor, "thsy have commenced to o
throw shellsh s- IN,
In another moment that Incompatible o6icsr
vas at the bead of storming party; and a. the
deet opened fire on the cabbage patch In the
rear OF the enemys position, an impetuous charge
vas precipitated in front.
Though met BY perfect hail of turnips, stove
covers and kindling wood, the Aackerels went
over the fence like . fourth proof avalanche,
and hemmed in tho rebel garrison with walls Of
bayonets. f
"Surrender 10 the Union Anaconda and the
United States Of America" Numbered William.
you're . nasty, dirty crestur, responded the
garrison, who was an old lady Of venerable as.
pect. .s.s5.-,
. . Surrender, or you're dead man, my r. E.
Venus" says William, msjestically.
The old lady replied with . look of scoru, nv
boy, walked deliberately toward the road, and +