The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-02-19
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
= Never contradict n man who slut

Ai"s'y people urlnk the vine Of life
scalding hot.
: Anger begins will folly and ends
with repentance.
= A joke that has no kernel isn't
worth cracking.
= Always sit next to the carver, if
you can, at dinner.
= Apprehension Of evil is ofteLtimes
worse than the evil itself.
= The only brigade that ought TO reap
glory-Sickle's Brigade.
= Some men are are like brooks, they
are always murmuring.
- Tears are no sign of soft heart
water is distilled from rocks.
= Bullets can sing and whistle, but
they are not pleasant musicians.
= Friendship, nowadays, is measur-
ed by the length of a mans purse.
= The most dsagrceable articles for a
man to keep on hand are handouts.
- Kind words are the flowers of be-
nevolence; kind deeds are the fruit.
- What throat is best for singer TO
reach high notes with? A soar throat.
Keep your own secrets. Tell no
human being that you dye your whis-
kers.
-"Don't cry, little boy. Did he hit
you on purposeW "No, sir, he hit me
on the head"
"a man can't help what is done
behind his back" MS the scamp said when
he was kicked out of doors.
- Why should the stars be the best
astronomersG Because they have stud
ded (studied) the heavens ever since the
creation.
- Mourn not that you are weak and
humble. The gentle breeze is better than
the hurricane, the cheerful fire than the
confiagration.
= Whenever a golden wedding is go
ing on, almost every young lady would
like to be in the ring-or rather to have
a finger in it,
- When Jemima went TO school she
was asked why the noun bachelor was
singular. Because" she replied, " it is
very singular they don't get married"
= They have got new military COM
pany down east. They drill six times a
week, and have now got so they can form
a straight line-by leaning against fence.
"A simple country lady, hearing that
nephew of hers had been made Bache-
lor of Arts, said that these arlful bachc-
lors sometimes played the deuce with the
girls.
= Says the lovely Julia to the be-
witching Mary; Why is new born
babe like cows tail 2" "Give it up
Because it was never seen before
Mary tainted.
- A man who had won n turkey, at @
rattle, and, whose pious wife was very in
quisitive about his method of obtaining il
satisfied her scruples at last by the re
mark that the Shakers gave it to him
= A lady in Oregon, writing TO {
friend in this city, says that cattle in tha
region live TO such great age that own
ers have to fasten long poles to the end
of their horns for the WrinkieS TO ru,
ont on.
- An anti-tobacco lecturer spoke 81
powerfully against the use of tobacco
that several of his audience went hom,
and burned their cigars-holding one enc
of them in their mouths by way of pun
ishment.
- Two architects competed for an en-
gagement. One mado long and learn
ed dissertation Of the principles Of his art
The other simply said: What my
brother has so lcarnedly described can
do" He got the work.
= An old lady entirely out of hearing
of the preachers voice at n camp meet
ing, being found sobbing, was asked why
she wept, as she could not hear the words
of the minister. "O," said she, Z" / eau
the holy wag of his head"
-" "Sambo, is your master a good
farmerp 80, yes, massa fuss rate farm
er; he make two crops in one year. y
" How is that Sambo" "Why, he sell
all his hay in dc fall, and make money
once; den in de spring he sell de hides Of
de cattle dat die for want OBJ dc hay, and
see make money twice."
- A pert lawyer in the South lately
nsulted the Judge, who fined him $50.
He repeated the insult, and the Judge
doubled the fine; he tried it again, and he
trebled it. Finally, he asked permission
TO go home.
What for?" asked the Judge.
"To buy your honor's payer at ten per
cent to pay my fine"