Union County star and Lewisburg chronicle. [volume] (Lewisburg, Pa.) 1859-1864, 1862-01-10
The Crab.Apples.

scholars, Q very spunky little boy; and
others.
Scene-A SchoolroOm. Mrs. Columbia
is seated, surrounded by her scholars.
Enter-Mr. John Bull, (very abruptly
and in tremendous exctement.)
John Bmy-Odds! Zouuds and butter.
cups! ma'am, but l will av satisfaction for
this ere hinsuls I've been pes,ered long
heuough BY your boys, and arm, going
to stand it no longer Blow me tight bif
don't-hif l don't
Mrs C.-Be calm, Mr.. Bull pray be
seated what is the matter, sir?
John BuH-The matter? POUNDS
Why, this, morning, as one of my young
'ans was a coming 'ome, hup comes one o
your sauey himps-Vilks l think you
calls i'm.
Mrs. C-Master Wilkes, come here.
Master Wilkes advapees.)
Joiu BnU-Hup comes this ere Vilks
-shakes his FIST in my younker's face
takes ou. of his pocket two crab happles as
the boy 'ad picked up someweres-and
sends i'm 'ome, q believing like young
bull-calf.
IMlster W7lkcs-Please, ma'am, I know
be stole them out Of your ga:den, and was
hiding them to shy at our windows.
John BuA-I don't care 'oose they are,
or where they come from l demand aud
will av 'em!
Mrs. C-Well, Mr.. Bull, but if
john BuN-Oh, none o your bifs to m
ma'am; don't come ere to hargue,
comes ere for rep,ration. Vide London
Times.l l will av them tapples, or by
Ms C-Stop, Mr.. Bull really, sir, l
am shocked at this Indecent behavior, and
despise the brutality that can take such
advantage Of my weakness. You know
my Jonathan is away fighting the sava
ges, or you woald never dare to insult me
O.. If Master Wilkes had struck your
boy, for instauce-
John BM-Ah that's just where it is
Hif my youuker ad been brought to you
along with the happles, aud you I'D warm
ed his jacket we'll for i'm, or sent i'm heff
With Aea in bis hear, l wOuldn's av sd
word to cay.
Ms. C.-Well, then, sir, how easily
can your grievance be settled! Here, take
the apples, presenting them,] which am
sure are not worthy Of becoming "apples
Of discord" between Us. They are two
very miserable specimens, and | am now
gathering so many millions Of them on my
southern property, that can we'll afford
you those two poor, rotten, blishted things.
Are you satisfied!
jim Bull (gruffy)-No; I arnt. l
van, to make a he1ampls o that Nilks,
and make me hampe hapology besides.
s Mrs C.-Well, sir, | never told Master
Wilkes to assault your boy; although l
am sorry to say that your family have be-
haved very strangely 10 me lately, even
shelteriug thieves that you knew we're Co.
ing to rob me. wish to live on good
terms with all my neighbors, aud there
fore regret this little occurrence; but be
assured, sir, my Jonathan will some day
call vou to account for these insults. You
may depend upon my making an example
Of Master Wilkes. Will that do!
John Bull (very sulkily)-Isu suppose 30.
[Exit.l
Mrs. C.-Now, boys, listen. l have
many very distressing things to occupy me
io,, nov, aud therefore, as you love me,
do nothing whatever to bring me in con-
tact with that rude overbearing man. lie
ia . dangerous and sanctimonious old h5p-
ocrite, who would set my house on fire for
the value of spool of cotton, if it served
his purpose. Master Wilkes, l am indeed
very proud of you, and only regret you
did no. bring that wicked boy to me for
punishment. But l have promised Mr..
Bull to make an example Of yos' and
tberefore | promote you to the head OF
yo,r class. Now, my dear boys, you may
all have a holiday.
lE,euu. omues; whistliOg "lankse
Doodle" -.-----.--..--------
A young man, who applied at recruit
ting station in one Of the western States
x.. asked "if be could sleep on the point
of . bayouet?' when he promptly replied
BY saying, she would try it, anyhow as
h. had often slsp. on pint Of whisky,and
Oh. kind they used in Lisbon would Kill
farther thaa any shootins-irou he ever
e,w"
We ar. perhap, indebted to the same
fnR