The Wyandot pioneer. (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1853-1868, 1862-02-21
HE GOETH A SKATING.

from morn till midnight, we see young
sters and oldsters twisting their legs in
all conceivable shapes, skating up and
down the river, as merry as lambs. We
cannot pick up a paper but an article on
skating meets the eye. Everybody says
it's fun, and that's all everybody knows
about it-for we've tried it. Last night,
about gas-light time, after reading glow
ing description of life on skates, we pre-
pared for our first attempt, and sailed
forth to join the merry crowd. We had
on pair of stoga boots, trouser-legs
tucked inside, and gave boy two shil-
lings in good coin of the realm for the
use of his implements. We have conf
dence, even as great as Peters faith. We,
with the assistance of friend, fixed on
the skates, and stood erect like barber's
pole. Encouraged by the sight of some
ladies on the bridge, who were just then
looking at the skaters, we struck out. A
slant to the right, with the right foot, a
slant to the left, with the left foot, and Just
then we saw something on the ice, and
stopped over to pick it up On our feet
again-two slants to the right and one to
the left, accompanied with a loss of con-
fdence. Another stride with the right
foot, and we sat down with fearful rapid
ity, and very little if any elegance. What
set down it was, for we made dent in
the ice, not unlike a Connecticut butter
bowl
Just then one of the ladies remarked,
.Oh, look, Mary, that feller with the
white hat amt got his skates on the right
place!' Ditto, thought we. Just then
ragged little devil sang out, as he glided
past us, Halo, old timber legs!' and we
arose suddenly and put after him, and
away went our legs-one to the east, the
other west, causing an immense fssure in
our pants and another picture Of butter
tray in the cold--oh, Aow cold ice !!
Then the lady again spoke, and said
'Oh, look. Mary, that chap with a white
hat has sat down on his handkerchief to
keep from taking cold = We rose about
as gracefully as saw-horse, when Mary
said, Guess faint a handkerchief, Jane,
and Mary was right: 1t want a hand
kerchief-not bit of it. Just then a
friend came along. and proffered US his
coat,tail as steadier.' We accepted
the continuation Of his garment, and up
the river we went, about ten rods, when
shy to the right by the leader, caused
us, the wheel-horse, to scoot off on tan
gent, heels up! But the ice is very cold
this season!
We tried it again. A glide one way
a glide and half the other, when whack
came our bump of philoprogenitiveness
on the ice, and we saw a million of stars
dancing around us. like ballet girls at the
Bowery Theatre. How that shock went
through our system, and up and down our
spinal column. Lightning couldn't have
corkscrewed it down a creased sapling
with greater speed or more exhilarating
effect. Boarding-house butter, nor war
ranty deed, could have struck stronger
than we did-and dozen ladies looking
at us-and our fssured pants
Halo, old cock = sang out that ragged
imp again, and we there helpless. Soon
we got up and made another trial, with
better success. Perhaps We had skated,
in our peculiar style, fifteen feet, when a
laundering chap came up behind, and we
sat down with our tired head pillowed in
his lap, and he swearing at us, when it
was all his fault. How cold the ice was
there too. Every spot where We made
our debut on the ice, oh, how cold it was !!
Our bears drawers were no protection
at all. We tried again-for the papers
all say it's fun-and down came our Ro-
man Grecian nose on the cold julep ma
terial, and the little drops of crimson ran
down our shirt bosom, and on to the cold
ice.
Once more we tried skating-made for
the shore-sat down and counted damages.
Two shillings in cash thrown away; seve-
raj lateral and one fronteral' bumps on
the ice; one immense fissure in as hand
some pair of ten-dollar cassimeres as a
man ever put his legs in; one rupture in
the knee, extending to the bone; four but
tons from our vest fragmented watch
crystal. and back-ache big enough to
divide among the Children of Israel.
If YOU catch us on the smooth, CLASSY,
chilling, freezing, treachcrous, deceitful,
slippery, and slip-uppery ice again, you'll
know it If any one ever hears of our
skating again. they will please draw on
us at sight for the bivalves and accom-
panying documents. We have got through
skating. 1t is humbug. It's vexation
of spirit. of business, of flesh, and tearcr
of trousers. It's head-aching, leg-wea-
rying institution, and we warn people
against skating We tried it. and shan't
he able to walk for a month. Skating