, 1862-12-18
THE LECTURE OF ssARTEMUS
iwAEO.B
Sixty Minutes in Africa.


Bryan Hall was filed last evening with one
of the largest and most enthusiastic audiences
ever gathered within its walls, upon the occa-
sion of u 'lArtemus Wards" lecture upon his |
Sixty Minutes in Africa,'' large number
being unable to gain admission. This lecture
like the ssBabcs in the Wood' has little or
nothing to do with the subject. "Sixty Min
utes in Africa'' is the foundation upon which
the Snowman has built up medley Of capital
stories, hits, bur1esques, fancies, etc, more
or less connected with the events Of the day.
To give anything like detailed synopsis Of
the1cctnre would be impossible, and we con-
tent ourselves with producing few Of the
more telling points which Of course lose in
the reading, when stripped Of the manner Of
the speaker:
The speaker introduced his lecture with
humorous allusion to the difficulties in the
way Of choosing . theme to discourse upon.
He could not write any such lecture as the
Hon. Edward Everett, and betWeen himself
and the nearer, be didn't believe the Hon.
as he could. He could not lecture upon As |
trcnonay after hearing Ralph Waldo Emerson |
speak Of hitching "his wagon to a starr
'eNow prefer to hitch my wagon to post,
sity Of litching your wagon to anything, |
rs wagon very seldom runs off unless horse |
| is attached to it, and if horse is sincerely
| attached to q wagon, he won't run off with it.
| the speaker had eonsidered-Floyd, who
| when a mere lad, stole his grandmother's
| knitting needles and sold them for old steel;
who when in Washington, stole everything
| lie could lay his hands upon and would
lave stolen Nj; Buehanan's e19 ,s character
any snch thing about him ut the
time Floyd was there. The measles
were bad, and le did not approve Of then, but
better have all tho measles in the neighbor-
| hood in your house than an lncipient Floyd.
He would have taken Brigham Young for a
subject, but lie could only learn Of his history
that he resided in Utah, ,ann was somesa4at mar
rid. Be vas not competent to speak On po-
ctry, and would rather have been born q hen
than one Of the Minnie Pines, who are always
avs5ring to die in slobbering verse, for then,
his lays would be worth something per Dozen
The army was too big a subject. He could
not handle it, and he should like to see the
; man who could. There was one great general
; among our officers -Stonewan Jacksoh-but
he WAS among them altogether too often.
. Thinking Of SpiKitualism for subject, the
sneaker said: At q circle recently held at the
!, ! White House in Washington, the spirit Of
Andrew Jackson MAS called Tor. The Medium
asked, sis the spirit Of Andrew Jackson pres,
: tut 81 and the answer was this: No! not
: nluch!'' The Medium asked: HAS the
Z spirit Of Jackson been here recently:'' and
c the answer was this: "The spirit Of Jackson
; nasn. ut becn within hundred miles Of Wash-
E inptou for n good many years" That's
8 WHAT'S the matter. He couldn't lecture on
/ Music, He liked the piano in moderate doses.
y He felt constrained to say, however, that he
Il should prefer not to live in u house where
5 more than two young ladies were taking Les
8 sons at a time.
c, After abandoning a1l the foregoing subjects
e; le concluded to speak on Africa Africa is O.
q The man, although soms people don't see It
~ Africa is remarkable country. The lnhab1
! tants as general Thing, are dark complicated
= For coin they use shr}is from which arose ths
le financial term ssshell out.'' They hay
rl no Congress III Africa, and their .othe
- habits arc good although there are III a
re obscure part Of The country = sna]
10 number Of individuals who cat young African
80 avoid the draft, refuse to pay taxes and ar
h, rot circulated to make home happy.
Il, Money with us WAS the whole basls {
le socley. 1t was too often the case that
egg # he possessed princely fortune, 80 IN
Ii e. see Maria in Madison Square. Gilded idioc
rs passes for gcnt1encsss; gilded l1npertln,ene
e for wit, and g1laed vnlgarity for honest bun
e e tic true, gid It. "Anything in this winao
~ fur fifty cents.
70 patriots have gone to the var and az dled
Of want in malari0us marshes, Willie Mr. shodd
:; was rolling about in lI1peplendld coach, {
yes sleeping off the indigestion caused by Il
m bruiiei} partr;dgys and champagne. The who
'hs conduct Of the war has been tainted by II
cit loye of 11anmon, from the mag ni1lecnt gan
til bling Of high magnatcs who strife Tor M
ol1- Iivns, down to the private who holds back
ent enlistment till the bounty is raised to its In
-. and most ridiculous altitude.
b. He desired to speak Of great ansnlalt M 15til
l i The mir from Illinois, VINO, when 1ne frla
de- a11tly exclaimed: II should rather bt th
ne. youIg man than president Of . temperan
Nj. snciety''-hc was absurd. Western t,
een sta gediar was one night enacting the eheer1
;ppa p1 character Of Richard III, aud when he cal
'af7 to The i;ne-Aa a horse, hor-rus,s' an indlyi
By ual in The pit arose and said he would Ia
great pleasure in showing him to 4 livery S
lies Elc. lie was absurd. The wealthy old m:
ION ION | who built her house and then nearly cri
s oMn her ewes ont because there was 6oto Wlnd'
III sGm in itEshc was absurd. The able-bodlcd III
'' who claimed to be exempt from the draft
as cause he had such "a large appetite, wis
in surd The most absurd man tbSt nc n
gle With. however was the man who didn't Ii
ting his lecture Thrt man will come to Il
two | end. 49,
ton surdity that what we call Eoueatiohls a1 =
ards is necessary to carry Young man Sinoot
through tic world. He developed this id
tue showing that Energy, Manhood and n.
are are were also needed, Abiding to the qua
n Rgea uf ambition aud drawing the divid
bcse lines between true and false ambition, lie s
1Gat Alexander wept because there were
1s45. more worlds to conquer. 1t Is i sud tl1n!
3 in see a man weep Bit if some one OF our 6
we're Grads would conquer tic South he nighI
wing l,v1 ,1,,} have !: rood long crr and be thou
1876 NC could a stanu nv ns,st,fe ~ ~
these clc. commence Is esscns1t'1 ~ eeeSe9e -
ain men seem to find an excuse for inftfaorit
after their own abasement. + we do not RESI-
after ourselves nobody else will respect us in |
+. Iett IS atnt or drawing roon Ihereloie. nre
,,gctt aGea The speaker administered some tel
tSch blows ut the prevailing folly of putting
:; the airs, and fi1,niIy took off tho ignorance
ction corning the West which prevails N New -
ange- Iaul. An old lady contemplated gong to u
the 1nnd and said she supposed she would haE
BTU take her cooking stovs along as sac coulo
~ nj her time Of life cook By fireplace, as
move "epeeted, SUI could not by one r. there; r.
o5;ect. she had better take her COW alon
lohn- n E1cyela1ld thcr had notAing baa o1eh!
. 1872; aaS Sreaking of Humbug, p1ay gong pc
periodically e. mad ov1T a Gl'f aa tie an eons, 1n
sed in young French oln, +1'rea ~ 1onr 4,
st one ats ' Why not introduce the measles or
draw sfaee = Real measles would prove an INN
! upon guceess The greatest Of all hum
The hrmeaS p'i0tffn ~ the ~o eon.
scbtne tic tion.''' soms Of these patriots were fo'
as fur ting their wayward sisters depart in PEI
rating Hr was for letting them depart III pl
other There could be no peace until we conqI
e @ ioep the enemy or he epnQucrcdus Us. He Was
arn;,1 yor of this war every day in the week,
/ when days not excepted.
move The speaker closed with Courting and
,in,opy. Looking back into the practical
late or ! NC see pleasant picture Of i hoInely
lch the in the woods, far from the noisy town.
~ tns | logs hlazc cheeri1y upon the hearth. Til
~ rnn. the winter wind roars wildly without,
Works cares Mehitable Baxter for that, sittir
md npe i plain wooden chair? What cares
yard a JpI1vs, sitting in another plain wooden
;,nd not yeyy fur from Mehitable2 Pres
'ta @ xnnt he bitches lis chair nearer, when she III
O. O. /" ~ = her chair nearer to him. Then they
,ttie T. hi{,.1 their chairs until they can't ge
He i'm hitr]a7 She takes occasion to obserT'
hook- she wishes he stoat}dnt. Bis arm has in
lc alto lluaceountable manner stolen abouther
Again she SAYS she wishes he sconldn'f, a
pea6er .seef,da'ts, like 4 man. By and by
ion ad- ,eou1dn't ag,id. Who wouldn't seoHidn't
be del similar e.Fc"nas!ances: @ ~ sestet a., t; so@
, :" en' and ii little money in cottage, AoWeVe
1e tran- TWO very tine things. He was not very
O o'c1ock to love in 4 cottage with 4 crust and
nble at Slaoaeh mol ~ va ~ -cs;denrc fnr h3c
Il Lake i,ridcprooni to lead bis new made fam
arriages HI t6onght it far better for those WHO
t in the to marry Nahons palin assonnt; a. ~
e1egates +nnes anose mnv % wen ;ndenendenf circnms
fremont TIA sneaker clored as follows: ~
. Of the not told you much aboutA You
gather suppofe "oao m 4;a7> ao ~ ~; .nh ldnt taF