Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1862-01-10

Sceae-A schOolroom. Mrs. Columbia is
seated, surrounded by her scholars.
Enter-AIr. John Bull, very abruptly
and in tremendous excitement.)
John Bml-Oddsl Zounds and butter
cups ma'am but l will av satisfaction
for this ere hinsult. I've been pestered
long henough by your boys, and arn't
going to stand it no longer. Blow me tight
hif don't-hif don't
Mrs. C-Be calm, Mr.. Bull; pray be
seated; what is the matter, sir?
John BulI-The matter? Zounds
Why this morning, as one Of my young
'uns was coming 'ome, hup comes one o
your saucy himps-Vilks think you calls
i'm.
Mrs. C-Master Wilkes, come here.
(Ma ster Wilkes advances.)
John Bull--IIup comes this ere Vilks-
shakes his fist in my younkers face
takes out of his pocket two crab apples as
the boy 'ad picked up somewheres-and
sends i'm ONE, believing like young
bull. calf
Master 1lHkeS-Please, ma'am, 1 know
he stole them out of your garden, and was
hiding them to shy at our windows.
John Ball. don't care 'oose they are, or
where they come from; l demand and will
ay 'eml
Mrs. C,-Well, Mr. Bull, but if
John BuH-Oh, none o your hifs to me,
ma'am; don't come ere to hargue, comes
ere for reparstion. Vide London Times.
will av them happles, or by
Mrs. C-Stop, Mr.. Bull; really, sir, am
shocked at this indecent behavior, and de.
spise the brutality that can takNsuch ad.
vantage of my weakness. You know my
Jonathan is away fighting the savages, OF
you would never dare TO insult me so. II
Master Wilkes had struck your boy, for
instance
John Bml-Ah that's just where it is
Hif my younker ad been brought to you
along with the happles, and you ad warmed
his jacket well for i'm, or sent i'm hoff will
a fea in his ear, wouldn't ave ad wore
to say.
Mrs. C-Well then, sir, how easily car
your grievance be settled Here take the
apples, presenting .them,) which am sure
are not worthy of becoming "apples of dis
cord between us. They are two very
miserable specimens, and l am now gath
ering so many millions Of them on my
Southern property, that can we'll afford
you those two poor, rotten, blighted things
Are you satisfed2
John BuN-(grufiy)-No I arn't. l
want to make a hexample O that Vilks,
and make me hample hapology besides.
Mrs. G-Well, sir, never told Master
Wilkes to assault your boy; although l am
sorry to say that your family have behaved
very strangely to me lately, even shelter
ing thieves that you knew were going to
rob me. l wish TO live on good terms with
all my neighbors, and therefore regret this
little occurrence, but be assured, sir, my
Jonathan will some day call you to account
for these insults. You may depend upon
my making an example of Master Wilkes.
Will that do?
John BuIl-(very sulkily)-I suppose so.
Mrs. C-Now, boys, listen. 1 have many
very distressing things to occupy me just
now; and therefore, as you love me, do
nothing whatever TO bring me in contact
with that rude and overbearing man. He
is a dangerous and sanctimonious old hyp-
Ocrite who would set my house on fire for
the value Of spool of cotton, if it served
his purpose. Master Wilkes, am indeed
very proud of you, and only regret you did
not bring that wicked boy to me for pun
ishment. But have promised Mr.. Bull
TO make an example of you, and therefore
promote you to the head Of your class.
Now, my dear boys, you may all have a
holiday.
[Exeunt omnes; whistling "Yankee
Doodle"