The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1862-06-21
HOW PETER FUNK DOES BUSINESS.

i "Burleigb." the New York correspond
ent of the Boston Journal, writes the fol-
lowing leaf in the history Of Peter Funk
and his doings:
Some time since a rural colonel from the
West came 10 New York to make q speech.
He was met next day by gentleman who
called him by name-knew him welt-was
charmed with the fersor of his eloquence-
with the force of his oratory-Yith his mr.
| faltering patriotism; to all of which the
Western orator bowed in the lowest humil-
/ ity-avowed his sense Of unworthiness, aud
/ his inability 10 enlighten New York audi-
Ience; but expressed warm appreciation of
the manner in which the people listened to
his poor remarks. A fellow. feeling was at
once created, and confidence, that plant of
slow growth. seemed to come forth as by
a miracle The pair reached store in
Broadway, the ownership of which the new
I acquaintance of the colonel avowed. It
lust popped into the mind of the colonel
that he had a lovely daughter at home, fair
as the prairie rosebud, which was soon to
bloom in the conservatory of waiting
swain. who held in his impotence to make
the fair flower his own till the colonel should
come from New York. Now the daughter
needed gold watch, and he proposed to
buy one. The new friend of the colonel
allowed that he kept watches in his estab-
lishment, but had none that were worthy
the attention of the distinguished gentle
man and his fair daughter. He had some,
it was true, but as they could be cold for
the paltry sum of from 1926 to $500, it
was not worth while to look at them. And,
moreover, the city of New York was bad
place for strangers; men got cheated every
| day, and be would do well to look sharp at
all men who wanted to cell him anything,
aud be especially careful of the company he
got into. r st..r 49,
For all this he was profoundly grateful,
and persisted in going into the store and
taking look at the jewelry, as he knew a
thing or two, and the man would rise up
early in the morning who got the better of
him. Now let me say to the reader that
this friend of the colonel was one of the
sharpest Peter Funks in New York, and
his store the headquarters of mock auc-
tons. So in the man went. An elegant
watch was shown the colonel, one of great
value, worth $3.50, and cheap at that. So
bargain was struck, and had the colonel
gone on his way, all would have been well.
But at this moment two men came in-one
a customer, and downtown ieweler."
The jeweler opened the business. His
friend. he said, was about to buy a watch
for $500, and like a wise man as he was,
he would not purchase till some one that
knew all about watches had passed judg-
ment on it. So the watch was banded out,
examined, and found to be all right. A new
thought came over the colonel. He would
have his purchase examined. Would the
jeweler be kind enough to look at his watch?
He woodland when the back of the seller
was turned, he said in whisper, don't take
it. But the money had been paid. The
jeweler knew how to manage that. The
whole stock was examined, and only one
found that would suit. That hung by it.
self on black velvet case. That could not
be had. It had been sold to man who was
TO ''call for it at two precisely" 1t was a
watch Of rare value, and could not be had
at all, and if it could, it was invoiced at
$500. But that particular watch the colo
mel resolved to have.
The parties all waited till the City Hall
alarm bell rung out the hour of two, when
the colonel demanded the watch. The Jew
eler seconded the call. The seller was in
doubt; his conscience was tender; he want
ed to do the fair thing; bat concluded to
hand the watch over, and the additional $40
was paid. The watch was hardly in the
pocket of the buyer. before, painting with
heat and haste, the man for whom the watch
was kept came running in--he had been
detained by the omnibus--and demanded
his watch. Great was his Indignation when
he found he was too late. The watch was
his; he would have it; it was two till it was
three; would give five dollars, ten. fifteen.
But the colonel would not yield; he did not
trade in watches; he had bought one, it
suited him, and fifty dollars was no object.
A quarrel followed; glass was broken, noses
bled. the Tombs 1oomed up before the colo
mel, and to keep the watch and make all
square, fifty dollars more were paid, and he
parted. z 60 ~ - tla 1855 -
OF course the reader knows that the jew
eler and his friend, and the painting man
running in too late to carry off his watch,
were all bogus, and parts Of the establish |
ment to carry on the Peter Funk business. |
On arriving at his hotel, the $500 watch
was found to be brass. The police were |
called in, but the ieweler had given up
trade, and the store was closed. He could |
get no relief. He concluded to shake the |
dust of Gotham off his feet and go home. |
In a frame of mind not exactly Christian, |
he took his seat In the car-left It momen ut
to 60 out-cams back, found an occupant
in his seat, ordered the interloper out: as
cars were crowded, the newcomer refused
to leave it. Viewing all men as conspira- |
tors, he took the law in his hands-gaye
the intruder beating, was arrested, locked
up in the Tombs, and left for home, after
paying one thousand dollars, and left for
home, after paying one thousand dollars, |