The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-04-09
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
WHAT is the best line to lead man
withl Crinoline.

ONE of the very best of earthly pos
sessions is self-possession.
SHOCKING knowledge-Personal nc
quaintance with galvanic battery.
He who reels and staggers most in the
journey Of life, takes the straightest cut to
the devil,
You know mock modesty as you do
mock turtle-from its being the produce
of calf's head.
A oooKNEY being asked why he mar
ried second time, replied, because i.
was re-aoiving."
The coat of horse is the gift of ma
ture. That of an ass is often the work
Of q tailor.
A WISE man may be pinched by pow
erty, but only fool will let himself be
piuched by tight shoes.
A WAC recently appended to tie list
of market regulations of Cincinnati, "no
whistling near the sausage stalls"
"Do you see any thing ridiculous in this
wigg" said brother Judge to Curran.-
Nothing but the head" he replied.
PUNoH says, "The greatest organ in
the world is the organ of speech in wo-
man; an organ, too, without q stop"
A MAN was recently convicted of steal
ing his neighbours COW and hiding it in a
cellar. 1t was most cowardly mode OF
cow hiding.
A VERY pretty lady was one day ask
ed if she would wear wig when her hair
turned gray. "Ohw said she, " could
not endure it at all; I'd dye first"
"I AM certain, wife, that | am right
and you are wrong; III bet my ears on
it," Indeed, husband, you shouldn't
carry betting TO such ertreme lengths"
In Columbia, week or two since, q
man whistled to his neighbor, as if call
ing dog, and got scundIy whipped fol
it. That was "paying dear for his whis-
tle."
"Do YOU think I'll get justice done
meW said culprit to his counsel. GO
don't think you WILL" replied the other
" for | see two men on the jury opposed
? hanging"
"STEEL your heart" said consderatc
father to his sou, " for you are going now
} among some fascinating girls" Il had
much rather steal theirs" said the prom
ising youth.
l HAVEN'T taken drop of liquor fol
u year," said an individual Of question
able morals. "lndeed but which of you
features are we to believe-your lips o.
your nose"
"DocToR, what do you think is th,
cause of this frequent rush of blood t
my head ?" "Oh, it is nothing but al
effect of nature. Nature, YOU know, alb
( hors vacuum"
, AS bees can breed no poison, thougl
, they suck the deadliest juices-so the no
, ble mind, though forced TO drain the cul
of misery, can yield but generous thol
, and noble deeds.
S Mrs. Smithers says the only way t
prevent steamboat explosions, is to max
. the engineers bile their water on shore
+, In her opinion, all the Dustin is done b
! cooking the steam on board.
AN exchange says that we have righ
to take an umbrella or kiss without pei
mission whenever we can. Well, but
e the umbrella isn't returned, the fault
: ours; but if the kiss isn't, it is the lady,
"WELL, my little man, how do yo
get on in your classP' First rate; II
| next to tho head" "Good. (forkin
over penny,) how many are there j
q your class 2" 1.-TWO; me and a ittl
, girl"
: WE find in an English paper an ac
n count of two murderers who escaped iron
the custody of the sheriff and hid them
selves in the big gun at Dover The,
should, when found, have been discharge,
: at once.
: "MADAM, has your piano an Golian at
: tachment9" asked Sam, tho other night
t of the wife Of man who appeared t.
o live up TO, if not beyond his income,-
r Hush," whispered Seth in his ear, al
S has sherif''s attachment" Sam drop
ped the subject.
A JUDGES duty is to snub the counse
3 on both sides, and bother the jury by fur
: nishing them with a third method of look
ing at the case. We got this from wa
, who once went TO law to get damages
and he got what he went after, enough I
last him for lifetime.
A CLERGYMAN catechizing the youth
: of his church, put the first question to
y girl. "What is you consolation in lif
and death~ The poor girl smiled bu
no answer. The teacher insisted
n Welln said she. " since | must tell, il j