The New York herald., 1862-10-03
Thc He.a . nd yseet of the Nation.

are determined by Insignificant causes 1t is no
less trite and true that the most important de-
cisions of the mind are often controlled by
small but aggravating ailments Of the body
Tight boots have been the origin Of many .
family quarrel which has unhappily resulted in
divorce. An innocent man has often been
found guilty because his jurors stomachs were
empty. A dyspeptic king has frequently
ruined powerful nation. Tie biliousness of
great general has sometimes decided great
battle. The fact may be singular one; but
from evidence before us we are inclined to be-
lieve that many of the haps and mishaps of the
nation, during this war, may be traced to a
matter no greater than the corns and bunions
which have afflicted the feet of our leaders.
We have it certified in their own handwriting
and over their own signatures that the Presi-
dent the members of the Cabinet and several of
our leading generals have been suffering from
corns. Noticing suggestion in the HERALD, some
time ago. that the feet of our soldiers should be at
tended to, DR.. Zachare, a well known chiropodist,
fastened on to Washington and offered his SER
vices to the Secretary of War. DR.. Zacharie
is distinguished by splendid Roman nose,
fashionable whiskers, an eloquent tongue,
dazzling diamond breastpn, great skill in his
profession, an ingratiating address, perfect
knowledge of his business and plentiful sup
ply Of social moral courage. Secretary Stan
ton was unable to resist such combination
of excellencies. Perhaps, also, fellow feel
ing made the Secretary wondrous kind. True,
Mr.. Stanton has no diamond breastpin, and
no perfect knowledge of his busness but
his stylish whiskers, his oratorcal powers,
and his wonderful seli-confdence are notorious.
The secretary and the Doctor, then sympa-
thzed with each other, like par a05;te frot,etm.
The Doctor relieved the Secretary OF his corns
and the Secretary gave the Doctor permission TO
wear gold band on his cap, write U S. A.
after his name, and operate upon all the SOL
diers- horse, foot and artllery-in our armies.
DR.. Zacharie thereupon tried his hand at the
feet of the President, the members Of the Cabi-
net and several of our most celebrated generals.
Each of the great personages whose pedestals
he relieved gave the Doctor certificate; and
so charmed was the President with his first ex-
perience of chiropody that he suspended his
laborious colonization correspondence with free
negroes and wrote proclamation to the army
recommending DR.. Zaoharie. This was indeed
proclamation of confiscation of corns and
emancipation from misery, and, like that re-
Gently issued against the rebels, it must be
regarded as military necessity. Armed with
this document, DR.. Zacharie has returned to
this city TO organize a corps of corn doctors, or
foot soldiers, and will soon begin to put the
army in marching order.
In the certificates furnished to the chiropo-
dist by the President, Secretary Seward and
other members of the Cabinet, and by Generals
Mcclellan, Banks and Burnside, we have a
cornucopia of information about the secrets
of this war. The President has been greatly
blamed for not resisting the demands of the
radicals but how could the President put his
foot down firmly when he was troubled with
cornss There have been rumors of personal
anmosities and ill-timed chickering's among the
members of the Cabinet; but undoubtedly these
have been caused by the honorable Secretaries
inadvertently treading upon each others bum
ions under the council board. Some Of our
generals havo boon reproacned Tor their slow
movements; but is celebrity OF motion to be ex-
pected of persons whose toe nails are growing
into the flesh! No human being could be OK
pected to toe the mark Of our expectations un-
der such circumstances. II is sufficient an
swer to any criticisms upon the tardiness of
our generals to ejaculate-"corns." General
Pope, who by a singular paradox placed his
headquarters in the saddle, made a few rapid
evolutons, during which he nearly succeeded
in using up himself, the enemy and our army;
but Jackson's barefooted rebels, who do not
know the need or the value of chiropodist,
got the better Of him at last, aad be is now sent
West, like John Broughams Powhatan, to cut
his Indian corn. 1t would seem, therefore, that
all our past troubles have originated not SO
much with the head as with the feet Of the ma
ton. DR.. Zacharie has shown us precisely
where the shoe pinches, and he now proposes
to remove the difficulty. If it be really true
that, just as
Tall oaks from little acorns grow,
50 that great political mystery, the Presidents
proclamation, has grown from corn we can only
wish that DR.. Zacharie had doctored the Presi
dent earlier, and then, perhaps, we should have
had no such proclamation at all. Now, however,
that our leading statesmen and generals certify
that they are completely cured, we shall expect
a short, sharp and decisive war, to be concluded
before the 1st Of January next. But if this ex-
pectation be disappointed. we shall certainly
suggest that some one be found to operate upon
the heads of our rulers, and to remove the
corns, bunions and proud flesh from their
brains. as Dr. Zacharie has from their feet
Arrival OF the United states Gunboat