The weekly Lancaster gazette. (Lancaster, Ohio) 1860-1863, 1862-02-06
NO. 46.
The C1ab-AppIes.
A New Farce IN one Short Act.


New Farce IN one Short Act.
As being performed wih un5ounded op,
pIaHse IN fDo Hemisphres.
DRAMATIs PERSONAL.
M: Jehn Bull-A puffy, qualrelsoms
old fellow.
Mrs. Columba--A respectable school
teacher, recently much afflicted by domes-
tic griefs.
Master Wilkes One of her favorite
scholars, very spuoky little bay; and
others.
Scene-A S,hooiroom. Mrs. Colum.
dia is seated, sarroundsd by her scholars.
Enter-Mr. John Bull. (uerg a5rrpRv
and IN treMtndous excitement)
John Bull-0ddsl Zounds and but.
iercups! Ma'am, bot wiH ave salisfac-
Hon Tor this ere binsut. I've been pest.
tered long enough by your boys, and |
arnt ha going 10 stand it no longer.-
Blow me tight hif don't-hif DON'T
Mrs. C.-Be calm. Mr.. Bull; pray be
seated, what is the mater, sir?
John Bull--Ths maltetP Zouudsi
Why, this morning. as one LOf my young
'uns was coming 'ome. hup comes one o.
your ssucy himps-VilkS think you
coils i'm
Mrs. C.-Mas!er Wilkes, come here.
( Master Wilkes advances
John Bull-Hup come this ere Vilks-
shakes his fist in my youukSter's face
takes out Of his pockets two crab happIes
as the boy 'ad picked up somewhere and
sends i'm ONE, believing like a young
bull calf
Master Wilkes-Please Ma'am, knew
he stole them out of your garden. and was
hiding them to shy at our windows.
John Bull don't care 'ose they aro
or where they come frOp; eemapa and
will ave EN-.
Mrs. C.-Well, Mr.. Bull, but if
MIR. Bull-But none of your hifs 70 me
ere for reparation.+ l will have them
bapp!es Ms'am; l don't comes ere to
hargue, I'comes or by
Mrs. C,--Stop Mr.. Bull: really sir, I
ain shocked at this indecent behavior,
and desp;ss the brutality that can take
such advantage Of my weakness. Yoa
know my Jonathan is away fighting the
saVages, or you would never dare to In.
suit me SO. If Master Wilkes had struck
your boy for Instance
John Bull--Ah! that just vhe,e it is.
llif my younker ad been brought TO you
along with the happles, and you ad war
med his jacket we'll for i'm, or sent i'm
hof with flea in is hear. l wOuldn't
ave ad word to say.
Mrs. C.-Well, then, sir, how easily
can your grievance be- settled! Here
take the apples - (presenting Mem)--
which am sure are not worthy Of be.
coming "apples Of discord" between us.
They are Two miserable specimens. and
am now gathering so many millions Of
them on my Southern property, that
can well afford you these two poor, rot
ten, blightrd things. Are you satisfied?
John Bull.(gra9lO-No; arnt. I
want you to make a bsxample O. that
Wilkes. and make me hample hapology
besides.
Mrs. C.--Well Sir, never told Master
Wilkes TO assault your boy; although I
am sorry TO say that your family have
behaved very strangely 10 me lately. even
shetering thieves that you knew were
going to rob me. I wish to live on good
terms with Sll my neighbors, and there
lore regret this little occurrence, bnt be
assured. Sir, my Jonathan will some day
call you to account for these insults
You may depend upon my making Au sx-
ample OF Master Wilkes. Will that do?
John Bull, Nsrg 'Gikiy )--I suppose
so, Era.
Mrs. Chow boys. listen. have
many very distressing things to occupy
me iust now, and therefore--as you love
me--do nothing whatever TO bring me
in contact with that rude and oveTbeaIine
man. He is dangerous and ssnctimo'
nious old hypocrite, who would set my
house on FIRE for the value of spool Of
cotton--if it served his purpose. Master
Wilkes, am indeed proud oi you, and
only regret you did not bring that wick
ed boy to me for punishment. But.
have promised Mr.. Bull to make an ex'
ample of you. and therefore l promote
you to the head Of your class. Now. my
dear boys. you may all hsve holiday.
Ersunt Omnes; whistling "Yankse
Doodle"