Holmes County farmer. [volume] (Millersburg, Ohio) 1857-1926, 1862-03-20
A snort Patent sermon.

| will give You sermon to-day drawn
from the following text
mThe lady who beside tub,
Is not ashamed to wiring or rub
Or, on the Aoor ashamed to scrub,
And cares not who calls in TO see.
Her laboring so industriously,
VIII make wife Tor you or me-"
NY Hearers--It was ordained by Heav.
en-not by the devil--that every man
should have a wife, and every woman be
blessed with husband. In the begin
ming God made two of the genus hon,o-
of opposite sex. The one he elected pos
itively, and the other negatively I; SO that
when they proximated, their mystical OF
feet would be produced one to another
The how, the why, wherefore, no molta
has yet been able to Observation-Disclosures
is it necessary that he should That the
sexes naturally approach and adhere to
each other, through some mysterious in.
fluence is indisputable. Let it suffice
that it is so. When the Creator made
Adam, he saw that it was not good for
him to be alone, so he mesmerzed the
man-dug a rib from his side without
q particle of pain-and made from it
Eve, to be helpmate for him, as well as
frncy plaything. Now without knowing
what love was, they couldn't help loving
the moment they set their eyes upon one
another. lie cast sheep eyes at her in the
distance, and she threw some killing
glances on him in return that fired his
soul, and set his heart vibrating like q
spinster upon a chestnut rail in SOU
wester They finally came together Just
as natural as two apple seeds swimming
in basin of water. But situated as they
were at first, and having little or no
manual labor to perlorm-Eye could be
Of little utility to Adam, and Adam
couldn't be great deal to Eve Still
they loved and were ready to assist each
other in case of any emergcnt casualty,
and so when they found that aprons were
necessary they set to, and with the nee
die worked together for mutual good
Eve only understood plain sewing--sho
knew nothing about your embroidery,
lace working, and piano playing, and
cared not about it. The couple were
perfectly happy in their rude state until
the old serpent got among them, and
even then stuck to each other through
thick and thin--through all tho bramb
ling vicisstudes Of lle--from Paradise 10
Perdition.
My brethren since you know that mar
riage Is divine institution, and that ev.
cry one Of you should have wife, what
kind OF a rib would you select? a prct
ty little useles doll, or woman big and
spunky enoug to wrestle with bear and
and come off first best? | imagine you
would not care much for either extreme;
but you would look for personal charms.
o you foolish idolitors at tho shrine of
beauty Know you not that thousands
Of husbands are made miserable by hand
some wives, aud that thousands are hap
py in the possession Of homely ones p
Homely without but beautiful within
Alas what is beauty? 1t is flower
that willis and whithcrs as soon as it is
plucked; transient rainbow heetng
meteor deceitlu will of the wisp ;
sublimNted moonshine.
The kind of a wife you want is Of good
morals and knows how to mend trowsers;
who can reconcile peeling pototoes with
practical or fashionable pety who can
waltz wit the churn dash, and sing with
the tea kettle-who understands broom
ology, and tho true science Of hopping
who can knit stockings without knit
ting her bcows, and knit up her husbands
raveled sleeve Of cral-who prefers sow.
ing tears with her needle, to sowing tares
OF scandal with her tongue Such is de-
cidedly better half. Tako her up, if
you can get her-ct her be up to her el.
bows III the suds of the washtub or pick
ing geese in n COW stable
My hearers--My text speaks of lady
at wash tub. You may think it absurd,
but let me assure you that female can
be lady beside n washtub in kitchen
as much as in drawing-room or in a par
lor What constitutes lady? 1t is not
costly dress, paint for the cheeks, false
hair, or still lalser airs; but it is her dc
portmcnt her intellectual cndowments, |
and that evidence OF virtue which COM
mands the silent respect and admiration |
Of the world. She would be recognized
as n lady at once--it matters not where
or in what situation she were found
whether scorching bed bugs with n red
hot poker, or hollering haIlcluah at
Methodist camp meeting All that |
have further to say, fellow bachelors, is,
that when you marry, see that you get
lady inside and out-ono who knows how
to keep the pot boiling, and looks well |
to her household. SO mote it be-