The Iowa transcript. (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1858-1866, 1862-09-25

press which has friends dying Of old
age in the Army Of the Potomac.
"Thunder! says he to Captain Bob
Shorty, stirring the oath in Aia tumblef
with . tooth brush," the way Mac is
devoting himselfto the military squelch
ing Of this here unnatural rebellion is
actually outraging his physical nature.
lie reviews his staff twice day, goes
over the river every FIVE minptei. stud
les international law six hours before
dinner, takes soundings ofthe mud every
time the dew falls. and takes 50 little
sleep that there's two inches Of dost or
ono Of his eye-balls. Would you be
lieve it, says General, placing a tum
bier over his nose to keep off fly, "hi'
devotion is such that his hair is turning
gay and will probably dyer
Captain Bob Shorty whisled. I Dc
! not mean to say that he intended to be
musically satirical, my boy; but if
should hear such canary bird remark
after I'd told 4 story, somebody wonld
go home with his eyes done up in rain
hows.
i ATAKE OFF.
/ = "Read that ero Napolep;s
dockyment," says William, handing me
4 scroll. It was as follows -
/ DEMONSTRATING noticed that the
press Of the United States Of America
is making ass ofitself, by giving infor
nation to thee enemy concerning the
best methods of carrying on the strate
gy Of war. | do hereby assume contro
Of all special correspondents, forbidding
them to transact anything but private
business neither they, nor their wives,
nor their children, to the third and fourth
generation.
II, It is ordered that all advice from
editors to the War Department. to the
General Commanding, or the generals
commanding the armies in the field, be
absolutely forbidden; as such advice is
4 calculated to make the United States Of
\ America idiot.
I'll. Any newspaper publishing any
news whatever, however obtained, shall
be excluded from all railroads, and
steamboats,. in order that country jour
nails, which receive the same news dur.
ing the following year, may not be in
iurcd in cirk ylation.
"III. This control Of special CORES.
pondents does not include the cores
pondent of the London s.Times," who
wouldn't be believed if he psblished all
the news Of the next Christian era. By
order of.
WILLIAM BROWN, Eskcvire.
Captian Comic Section bridge.
WARRIOR SPEECH.
On reaching Accomac, my boy, we
found Captain William Brown at the
head of the Comic Section of the Mack
erel Bridge, dressed principally in a
large sword and brass buttons, and
taking the altitude Of the san with .
glass instrument operated BY means Of
a bottle.
"Ahr' says VILLAIN, "you are Just in
tire to hear my speech 70 the sons oi
Mars, prsyions to the capture Of Man
assas by the United States Of America. =
Herespoa William mounted : demi.
john laid icngthwise, and says he -
"Fellow. Anaconuas Having been
informed by gentleman who has spen,
two weeks Al Manassa, that the South.
ern Confederacy has gone South for its
health, | have concluded chat it is tine
to be offensive. The great Anaconda,
Having 4luded Barnum, is about to moye
oR the eaemy's rear;-
Rear aloft your peaks, ye mountiags
! Rear aloft yonr waves, @ seal
Rear your sparkling crcsts, ye fountings
For my loves come back to me-
The day Of inaction is past, and now
the United State Of America is about
to swoop down like ~ exasperated
cagic on the chickeas left by the hawk
Are you ready, my agacious reptiles. t.
spill ! drop or 80 Tor your soaking coun,
|try? Arc you ready 70 sass mp q ene
man
AThe rose is rad,
The wi'lets blue,
Sugar is sweet, and
Bully for you.
"Ages to come will look down on
this day and say: They died young
The Present will reply: 4 don't see it,
but the present is just the last thing for
IA to think about Richmond is before
us, and there let il remain. Wo shall
take il in few year.: