The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-04-30
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A YAvoRrrE Southern movement-fire

IHE solar system has large family,
but only one sun.
THERE is no friend TO man so true, so
kind and good as woman.
WHALE a youngster and what do you
get out Of him? Bubber.
WANTED, by an attorney, clerk to en-
gross other peoples attention.
SooLDINo is the pepper of matrmony /;
the ladies are the pepper-boxes.
The man who says brandy is not good
for the nose is no Judge of painting.
SOME one says Floyd left Fort Donel-
son singing 81 love TO steal awhile away"
If you would obey the order fire and
fall back" shoot with an overloaded mus
ket.
LET me collect myself" as the man
said when be was blown up by powder
mill.
WHEN pickpocket pulls at your watch,
tell him plainly that you have no time to
spare.
The kindest heart is that which shrinks
rather at his own nhumanity than at an
others.
"WnAT's is in n dress?' asks popu-
lar writer. That depends on whom the
wearer is.
If petticoat government is not more
oppressive now than formerly, it is certain
ly in extent.
You know mock modesty rs you do
mock turtle-from its being the produce
of calls head.
WHICH travels at the greatest speed,
heat or cold9 Heat; because you can
easily catch cold.
A YOUNG lady out West is charged
with putting on airs because she refused
to 90 to ball barefoot.
SOME persons seem to obey literally the
injunction, Hold fast the truthp They
never allow it to escape them.
AN Irish lover remarked that it is n
great pleasure to be alone, especially when
your swate-heart is wild ye."
A MAN in Albany advertises patent
to keep eggs from spelling. To eat them
while fresh is a pretty good way.
Why are the secession leaders like tur-
kies? When their necks are stretched
there will be a general thanksgiving.
In London, a coal-whpper testified
that he and his wife had quarreled and
parted forever more than twenty times.
A FARMER when fagelating two of his
oldest sons, was asked what he was do
ing, thrashing wild OATS" was his reply.
LET any lady paint who chooses. II
she raises hue upon her cheek, that's
no reason you should raise hue and cry.
IT is so muddy at Cairo that the sol.
, diers call the soil which adheres to their
| boots bounty land" which they have
drawn.
ALL give that girl a piece of my
mind" exclaimed a certain young fellow.
; II wouldn't" replied his uncle, you've
none TO spare"
ais that dog a hunter?" "No, he's
half hunter and half setter--he hunts for
bones when he is hungry, and sets by the
fire when he is satisfied"
A CONTEMPORARY out West is about To
enlarge his printing office for the accom-
, mediation of the loafers who throug bis
= premises. Not bad idea.
A PAPER in the interest of one of our
politicians boasts that he "can stand up
on his intellectual capital" We suppose
it means that he can stand upon bis
head.
AN unwashed newsboy, being asked
what made him so dirty, his reply was,
81 am made, as they tell me, of the dust
of the ground, and reckon its just work.
, ing out"
The reason women so seldom stammel
f is because they talk so fast stammer has
got no chance TO get in. People stuttel
, because they hesitate. But who ever
: knew woman to hesitate?
WHERE do you hail froml' quered
Yankee of traveller. "Where do you
a rain froml" "Don't rain at nj" said the
astonished Johnathan. "Neither do ]
hail-so mind your own business"
"GET out of the way, boy; get out
Of the way" said gentleman on horse
back to boy in the road. "My horse
= don't like donkeys." "Doan't he?" said
the boy, then, why doan't he kick you
OFF,
"BoB, you say that you believe most
diseases TO be contagious. How long
a have you entertained such notions r
: "Ever since / sat along side blue-eyed
- .N..N.. ~