The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1862-06-07
Crpheus e, keer's Last.

NSJo'ce with me, my boy, that / hav'
so' back my gothic steed, Pagasus, from
ene government chap who borrowed h in
ior desk The splendid architecture
animal mas Just enough slant from hi
ackbone to his hips to make a canita
desk, my boy; and then hls tail IS 5,
handy to wipe pens On. In a moment O
thirst he swallowed bottle Of ink, ant
! some fears were entertained for his life
but gross of steel pens and ream o
blotting paper, immediately administered
i caused him to come out all writ In
gothic sense, rny boy, the charger con,n
! ues to produce architectural illusions Ht
/ was standing on a hillside the other day
with his rear elevation toward the specta
| tors, his head up and ears touching at the
! top; when chap, who has been made
pious by frequent conversation with the
! contrabands, noticed him afar oil, and
says he to q soldier, I" What church is tha,
IL behold in the distance, .zpy. fslics~ ~worru
. OF ,ae ansty The military veteran looked
aud says he, 8. 1t does look like a church
but its only animated hay rack belong
ing to 3he cavalry. .ssr ~l, afaeb L1H
L. see, saystbe pious chap, moving on
/" the beast looks like church, because
hes been accustomed to steeple chases"
l have also much satisfaction in the
society of my dog, Bologna, my boy, who
has already become so attached to me that
! believe he woaId defend me against auy
amount of meat Like the Old Guard of
France, hes always around the bony part
thrown; and, like a bon uicant, is much
given to whining after his dinner.
The last timei was at Paris, my boy
this interesting dog made good breakfast
oil the Calves OF the General of the Mack
erel BiIgades legs, causing that great
stratesicai commander to issue enough
oaths Tor the whole Southe EN-. Confederacy.
" Thunder" says theGeneral, at the con-
ciusion Of his cursory remarks, II shall
have the hydrophobia and bite somebody
1t my opinion, says the General, hastily
licking a few grains Of sugar from the
spoon he was holding at the time {. It's
my opipion, that shall 20 rabid as soon
as | see water
Then you're perfectly safe, my con-
quering hero" says ! ''for when y9,e see
water, the Atlantic Ocean will be princi-
pally composed of brandy pale
Speaking Of Paris, it pains me, my boy,
to say, that Captain VILLAIN Browns pro
clamation for the Cancellation Of Southern
Union men has been repudiated BY the
General Of the Mackerel Brigade "Thun-
from his pocket in mistake for watch
Key, !" its against the constitution to open
4 bar 80 far away from where Congress
sits. And he at once issued the follow
ing
PROCLAMATION
Whereas. There appears in the public
prints what prcsunptuyEs.y preIcldS to
oe a proclamation OF Captain William
Brown, E-lleYire, III the words following
10 vii
PaoCLAHATloY
Th- Union men of the South are hereby
informed that the United States Of Amer
O. has re asserted hisscif, and Will shortly
open . bar room in Paris. Al,o, cigars
and other ucce=saries Of lite.
By order Of
Capt. WILLIAM BgoWx, Eskevire
And whereas, the same is producing . much
excitement anon" those members from
the Border State, who woulq prefer that
) said bar room should be nearer Washington
in case Of sickness. Therefore, |, General
Of the Nacterel Brigade. DO proclaim and
declare thar the Mackepel Brigade cannot
stand tii- sort of thin.. and that neither
Captain Villain Brown, nor any other
commander isas been authorized 10 de
clare free lunch, either Icy implication or
UiLcy''.sr. IN Iay STATE; much les in a
state of intoEictlion, Of which there are
sc--ral
To pc.sou in this State, now. earnest
u appeal. ! do not argue; beseech YOU
ID NIX ycuT own liquors. \ on cannot, #
y"u would. be blind 10 the signs Of the
times when such opportunity is offered to
see donble. | beg of Won a calm and
immense consideration OF them (signs.
ranging it may be, above personal liquor
Establishments. The change you will re-
ceiye after purchasing your materials will
come gently as the dues from heaven-not
rendiug or wreclling anything VIII YOU
not embrace mo May tie extensive
future not have 10 lament that you have
neglected to do so
Yours respectfully, the
GryeR.L OF THE MAcEEREI BRIGADE.
Green seal.
When William read this conservative
proclamation, my boy, he looked thought
fully into a recently occupied tumbler for
q few moments, and then SAWS he:
There's some iutelleck in that. The
General covers the whole ground. Ahw
says William, preparing, in a dreamy man
ner, to wash out the tumbler with some
thing from a decanter :" the General so
covers the whole ground somc-
times, that the police departmink is re-
euired to clear it r
l believe him, my boy
The intelligent and reliable contrabands
my boy. who have come into Pals from
time to time, with valuable news concern
ing all recent movements not taking place
in the Confederacy, were formed lately, by
William, into a military company, called
the Sambory Guard, Captain Bob Short
being deputed to drill them in the colored
manual of arms. They were dressed in
flaming red breeches and black coats, my
boy, aud each chaotic chap looked like
section of rtove-pipe walking about on two
raddishes.
attended the first drill, my boy, and
found the oppressed Africans standing in
line about As regular as SO many trees IN
4 maple swamp
Captain Bob Short whipped out his
sleepless sword, Strengthened it on log.
stepped to the front, and was just about
to give the first order, when suddenly he
threw up his nose, and stood
paralyzed.
w hats the matter, my blue and gilt ?
says l.
HI stood like one in dream, and says
Pears to me smell something
YES" says |, its the scent Of the
roses that hangs rouEd it still
True, says Captain Bob Shorty, recov-
ering, it does smell like scent; and
havn't seen cent of my pay for such
long time that the novelty Of the odor
Knocked me. Attention, company
Only five of the troops were enough
startled by this sudden order, my boy, to
drop their guns, and only four stopped
down to tie their shoes. Ore very relia-
bic contraband left the ranks, and says
he: --t
"Mars'r, hadn't Brudder Rhett better
CUB out de hymn before de service COM
mence?' ..iF,-... ...-.+. .... -...