Litchfield enquirer., 1862-08-14

fleet as it lay watching for an expected rebe ram on the treacherous element It appeared that lurking Confederacy in Paris had waited until the Mackerels were all in their holes one day, and then hastily constructed an iron plated ram from an old dry goods box and two cooking stoves. With this formidable monster, he de- signed offering irregular opposition to the Gov. ernment in the way of killing few vandal regi. msnts, af,er which he proposed to repair to the Confederate side of Duck Lake and send the particulars of his victory to Europe through some of the more vigilantly blockaded Southern ports He had completed his ram, my boy, and hidden it under some hay on the Lake shore, ready to commence his carnage when the time came but one of the Mackerels happened to see it when he went d fishing, and Commodore Head was at once ordered to have his iron plated squadron in readiness to intercept and destroy the monster when she should appear.
 Riddle my turretp says the commodore, in his marine manner, as he sighted his swivel gun and placed his fishing rod and box of bait near his stool on the quarter deck, I feel like grap- bling with half dozen rams of chivalry-loosen my plates if don't
 < And there we stood on that hot July afternoon, watching the noble craft as she sat like duck in the water, the Mackerel crew sitting aft pick ing a marrow bone, and the venerable commo- dore tilted back on his stool upon the quarter deck, fishing for bass.
 Presently we could see the treacherous Confed- eracy stealing down to where his iron plated monster lay hidden. Softly he removed the GOV ering of hay, and cautiously did he place the ram in the water, carefully examining the priming of the old fashioned blunderbuss he carried under his arm, as he stepped into this new Merrimac, and quietly raising his umbrella with one hand, while he padded off with the other.
 The distance between our fleet and the specta- tors being fully two yards, William had thought fully provided pieces of smoked glass for our par ty, and we now brought them to bear upon the scene of approaching slaughter. The Mackerel crew on board our squadron appeared to be
  following, with straw, the motions of fly whose wings he had just pulled of, and Commo' dore Head had fallen into refreshing slumber in the midst of his fishing. In fact no means had been left unemployed to guard against a sur- prise.
 Now, it happened that the nautical Couteder- acy did h,s paddlng with his back to the bow of his iron plated monster, and before he knew it, his ram went smack against the Mackcrel fleet, with sound like the smashing of many dinner plates. So tremendous was the shock, that the stool upon which Commodore Head set was tilt ed, gave way beneath his weight and he came down upon the deck with crash like mufflcd thunder. Simultaneously, the Confederacy dis charged his b!underbuss two points to windward, and would have followed up his advantage by boarding at once; but by this time the Mackerel crew had recovered his presence of mind, and poured such a shower upon the intruder from a watering pot which he found in the stern sheets, that the latter retreated in great disorder.
 Meanwhile, our gallant old naval hero had re gained his feet, and having carefully put away his fishing tackle and box of bait, he made his appearance on the starboard, with his spy glass under one arm, his speaking trumpet under the other, and his log-book between his teeth.
 No sooner did the now thoroughly exasperateo Confederacy behold his venerable figure, than he hastily shut up his umbrella and violently cracked him over the head with it, knocking of his spectacles, and greatly damaging his new white hat
 picking up his spectacles and bending then straight again. T don't want you to do that again.
 Scorpion r roared the Confederacy, dropping his umbrella, and dancing up and down in hi ram, with his arms in boxing attitude. Come on, base old beingP
 'Then take thy doom r shrieked the maddenet commodore, quickly striking match on the bot tom of one of his boots, and touching of the swivel gun. With report like the explosion 0 a deadly pistol, the trusty weapon hurled its con tents about two inches above the head of the Mackerel crew, wildly tearing off the.caps of the latter, and shaking the staunch craft from sten to stern.
 Somewhat alarmed by this demonstration, tn, Confederacy commenced showing of with hi ram, using his blunderbuss and umbrella as oars and singing the Southern Marseilais. 'Out with the sculls and give chase ? ejacula ted Commodore Head, in great perspiration.- It was. found, upon examination, that the scull. had been left on shore, and it was further dis covered that the Mackerel fleet was aground otherwise our victory would have been more com plete.
 With eyes strained to the utmost we were gag tug upon all this from the beach, when William suddenly placed hand upon my arm, and say he:
 sHark r as We listened. There was sound of fain human cry. It approached nearer. We coul' distinguish words. Nearer and nearer. Tn words now came clear and distinct to our quick ened ears:
 'Extry -He,r-rsr-a1d, capture of Vicksbur and sinking of the rebel ram by Commodor
 Headp
 Since newspapers have become so plentiful i this once distracted country, my boy, that eve
 the babe chews them, upon it's mother lap, th poorest man is enabled to see instantaneousl,