The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-11-26
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
WHEN are kisses sweet! When they
are siruptitiously obtained.

WHEN are kisses sweet! When they
are siruptitiously obtained.
DoN'T undertake to kiss furious wo-
man; risk not a smack in storm.
THREE feet are n yard in I" land meas
ure," but the Navy Yard is much longer.
We are told 10 hope and trust; but
what's poor fellow to do when he can
no longer get trust!
A FRIEND of ours is such n spend
thrift, that even postage stamps won't
:" stick TO his fingers"
The rebels, having no salt, have TO de-
pend upon their legs to preserve their
hams, sides and shoulders.
IF rebel won't behave himself, if he
has devil that can't be cast out Of him,
imprison him, devil and all.
"WELooME, little stranger" MS the
man said when he found three cent
piece among his postage stamps.
The young man who recently went on
q bridal tour with an angel in muslin, has
returned with termagant in hoops.
MISS Dobbs says that the sweetest line
she ever read was her Hiram's name writ
ten in molasses on the front door step.
PERSONS who have the Fever and
Ague are not sub bject TO draft-the law
expressly says that shakers are exempt.
The Abolition doctors have been in
consultation on Uncle Sans case, and
recommend black draft Immediately.
In unruly families, rs well as at sea,
sudden squalls are often succeeded by a
spanking breeze, and then comes calm.
IT has been said that the animal food
supplied to our army, is very inferior; but
the soldiers declare that the beef is bully.
CIRCUMSTANCES alter cases. If man
slaps your face, you knock him down,
while you never think of resenting a
smack on the lips from woman.
ALAS, poor Richard! What great in
yention does a three cent stamp with q
hole in it most resemble? A Franklin
stove.
ADDING insult to injury. To be called
fool is bad enough; but stutterer
makes the thing worse by calling you a
foo-foo-fool.
IT is said that the town of Napoleon,
Ark, has become "a perfect hell" A
very slight addition of fire and sulphur
was required.
81 SAY, Pat, what are you about
sweeping out the room" "No," said
Pat, "rm sweeping out the dirt and
leaving tie room."
"I AM afraid you will come to want"
said an old lady TO n young gentleman.
I've come to want already" he replied,
1 want your daughter"
A YOUNG lady, on being asked what
calling she wished her sweetheart TO fol-
low, blushlngly replied that she "iSnou
him 10 be husbandman.
WHEN Haddiz's wife kicked him out
of bed one cold night, says he: "See
here, now you'd better not do that again;
if you do, it might cause coolness.
On the Mississippi river, black-legs are
called "Chicago deacons," n fact which
does not speak over-much for the religious
morals of the city of Long John, or else
the down-river people are very slander-
Gus.
A WESTERN paper remarks, as ga Gu
rious fact" that newspaper correspondents
are generally in debt. There is nothing
curious about it-newspaper correspon-
dents are always selected on account Of
their immense disabilities.
PRENTICE says: "a chap sometimes
comes in our Office and sits hour after
hour without telling one word Of truth
during the whole time. He can outsit a
hen, and outlie the devil" He must be
one of the telegraph reporters for the AS
sociated Press,