, 1862-08-07

once; and It doesn't seem to fatigue MIN either,
for he'll do it by the hour together, il be thinks
1t necessary. He's got more yell in him than any
other baby ever saw; however, he'll soon gel
it all out, at the rate he's going on at the present
moment
The tremendous egotism of q baby is matched
nowhere in the whole social animal kingdom.
Trumps, for instance, imagines the whole WOr'd d
was made for his especial pleasure. He thinks
the sun, moon and stars are simply playthings for
him, and that all men, to say nothing Of the wO-
men, we're created just to serve his royal plea
sure,
Ii connection with Babes, Grandtnothers are a
study. Is Irumps cross, ugly, rhmpagous and
unmanageably obstreperous, his blessed Grand
mother has hundred excuses sready-principaly
however, teeth is His Majesty mad, and yelling
at the top Of his by-no-means weak voice; is he
lying fat on his back and kicking his impotent
heels in the air, and knocking the back Of bis
head on the floor in very ecstAcy Of rage, his
Grandmother always says: He's teething, poor
dear |" His stomach aches, little darling" or
He's 10 pain some way, aud can't tell qf Il,
darling little petI' Does he get wrathy ct Grand
mother, and pelt her over the head with poker,
does he, in fit Of baby rage, throw his tea cup
At the looking glass and smash them both; or
pitcn his playthings into the fire. pull out his own
hair ill he is bald in lots as egg; or bite some
bndy till his teeth meet its always his Grandma
ther who just at that time discovers that "tLe
little pet has got another double tooth just COM
ing through, and that's what makes him cross"
According to Grandmothers, all babies are in
q state Of perpetual siomach-aohel and every
child cuts teeth enough in It's infancy to grind
up into q ton Of bone-dust. I-..., Il.
But GtandmOthers are the first to understand
/ fhn he srTho ktrf tho
would ever have found out that klittity-klol-
gle-ogle" means bread and milk or that when
they remark: "SquoOgle-Oogle-Oogle-OOOO-Og
OQgle-ge-ge-ee," they desire immediate and par
ticular attention to their wants, gastronomic or
-OtherwiseH But Il is to the GrahdmOthers
that babies owe their immunity from many q
whipping, which they do their vicious utmost to
fully deserve Trumps, old boy, don't forget
I watched TTumps to-day for twenty minutes
first he pinched the cat's tail in the door
then he put large India.robber ball into the
ife-then he pulled down . work-basket emp
tied out all the things unwound the thread,
broke the scissors, ate the beeswax, tore the
patterns, and carried all the work under the bed
then he devoted himself to the basket; be got
into il, tumbled out Of IT, be turned IL upside
down and sat on il, be poured cup full Of wa
ter into it, he put Il on bis head, be lay down
and put i On his heels then be would have put
slibvellal O. buriihg Goals into 1, but 81.
called on to interfere, whereupon he got mad,
and Commenced his old experiment on, my nose
with the poker. I couldn't cain, him-he got
madder aud madder and thought that really
he needed Ipankihg. After some trouble,
got him reversed, and his wardrobe properly
disposed, wheh--hs Grandmother came
She rushed lnriousy to the rescue, charged
on me-captU' ed Trumps and executed an i'm
mediate aud L,Astcrly retreat to an adjoining
bedroom, turned the key and made some re-
marks, of which could only catch:
"CTuel shane 2-ive new double teeth Just
coming through-poor deari"
Now, Mr.. Damphool, want your advice
you're q married man, and Of course you've got
children. | don't know how many; but as
you're an enterprising man, ! suppose you've
| got about twenty. Now how do You manage all
/ their grandmothersf and how many teeth do
your babies averaged ! am COZ hdent that
TFumps has had more than peck. I'm afraid
he hasn't got any brains | think his skull
| must be full Of teeth. I've shook him but can't
hear them rattle; but I'm perfectly convinced
/ that my baby's head is erammed full Of teeth,
al double, and ell prepared to spFout through at
the call Of his Grandmother every time want to
lick him. la afrsid my baby Is made Of teeth;
| am continced that his whole osseous structure
is dOlhing but teeth. l think that when bis
mouth is full, they will spring out from bis arms
and legs, and al along down bis baek--I know
they viii, if his Grandmother only says 90.
Damphoo save mel don't want to be the
| wretehed father Of a thousand-tOOthed baby
besides, he'd ruin me In brushes and tooth
powder. Damphool, help me- Comesold fellow,
be good fellow u save me from despair.
Yours, wildly, ....,
Q. K. PHTLANDER DoEsTicEs, P B.