Cedar Falls gazette. [volume] (Cedar Falls, Iowa) 1860-1895, 1862-03-07
NO. 81
Variety squibs.

mir Variety squibs. at
! IT is no misfortune for nice young lady
| to lose her good iiame il a nice young gentle
man gives her better. t',
A young lady, weeping and waving her
handkerchief with much assiduity on the oc.
casion Of the departure Of a regiment waa
asked what relatives she had In tho regiment,
and replied |" Cousins, ~" How many ~ was
solicitously qucricd. why, the whole regi.
Inent arn't they Uncle Sans boys p lacon.
cally replied the lass 5# aal eaf #
TnE Richmond papers are discussing tho
question whether the colporteurs are doing
harm by circulating terrible tracts in the reO-
el camp, and, on the eve Of expected battles,
confronting the men with little pamphlets,
entitled,-" Are you rendy to die ?" "Sin.
nef, you are soon to be damned" &c. &C.
OuR soldiers at Port Royal and Tybee are
having fresh shad and green peas. brought
in to them by the negroes. II Is as warm a.
summer. and corn and grass are from ak
inches to foot high. They will have green
corn presently. a.lueg "a ga# l8sss g
A furrier in Broadway, New York, wish.
ing to inform the public that he would make
up furs in fashionable manner out Of old
furs which ladies might have at home, 10.
pended the following to one Of his advertise.
ments: Z" t'Hl 05@#i 'ial is2a@ &ti'gfaiF7
| N. B.-Capes, victorines, &C., made up for
ladies in fashionable style, out Of their orn
skihs ff7&" $50 s.t#'1a.# sf s1aHEss
Two cats once went to law before q mon.
key about piece Of cheese. They got
learned decision upon the title, and the mon
key eat the cheese for costs of Court. r7.,3l
ON hearing clergyman remark "the
world was full Of change" Mrs. Partington
said she could HARDLY bring her mind to be-
lierc It, so little found its way into her pock.
! ct. tl'A ~ #tH" i2 %#taa@ Ff@tAM #f7'8 57
A notorious miscr, having heard a very
eloquent charity sermon, exclaimed: :" This
sermon strongly proves tho necessity of aims;
| have almost a mind to turn beggar."
3. Two thousand of the Fort Donelson prison.
ers have arrived at indianapolis, and been
made comfortable at Camp Morton The 9th
Indiana regiment, Col Richard Owen. has
been ordered from Evansville to be the guard
at the camp. a aa# ia t rf
A surgical journal tells Of a man who lived
five years with a ball in his head We have
known ladies to live twice as long with moth.
ing but balls in their head ~ E
PnorLE always express great deal ofsym-
pathy for women who are unhappily married
but how about those who are unhappily
single. es Tsaf .ia * sla,E af (, .,.. "A. -,
THE officers Of the 10th Wisconsin kesi.
inent, mt Madison, have subscribed from their
own pockets to pay for a band. The rcgi.
ment numbers ,O3O men, and is under order
Tor the seat Of war. s4 2. AtE
:. Your hand annoys me exceedingly said
FrcIich nobleman in Paris to takatiye per.
son who was sitting near him at dinner, and
who was constantly suiting the action to the
word. Indeed, my lord, replied the galjblcf
We are so crowded at the table, that don't
know where to put my hand Put It in
your mouth, said the noblrman. .,,..rg f....,
TUE Binghamton Republican IL construct.
ing a new dictionary. II defines ''Man-a
generic term, embracing woman" Tf this is
a sample, the new dictionary will be compre.
hensivo eiiortgh al least 's't '46o'f'i
The Iowa Legislature has enacted that tho
cost Of jury trials shall be taxed upon the
losing party thus saving the State about$75,-
900 ANNUALLY. ~ ar sst.a ..s.9 ..i. 49,
WHY is 4 fine woman like locomotive -
Besanse she draws train after her, trans.
ports the mails, (males, and makes us forget
time and space. 20 tfag1t ~ Hs tsa iH7s
JUDGE Claggett, tf Keokuk, Iowa, who
purchased the types Of dcfunct newspaper
in that city, has issued the first number or q
new paper called, The Constitution.
HERscuELr. gives a45 miles as the greatest
distance known, to which sound had been
carried in the air. This was when the awful
explosion Of the Volcano ut st. Vncents was
heard at Denarara iat
VIZ never know the value Of true friends.
While they live, we are too sensitive Of their
faults when we have lost them; we only see
their virtues. @
In the South all the men are pressed into
service; none nfe left behind to press The
women into service.
WHEN Breckenridge was first accused Of
treason he asked suspension Of Public Opin-
ion. Now Public Opinion asks suspension
TaE Hero ofa hundred Flights Floyd.
10. IS =
PoIlrE way Of impeachng sentlsran's
veracity Sir, you tell q telegram.
|
Floyd fail to win glory ut the fall Of Donsl-
son Because Of his Retiring Disposition.
III. aa hifa l gg.f - sst
/ A Toast for the Secretary Of the Navy -
May you ever put your best Foote forward.
III.
@. Why is the word "Ten'' like Jesse
Brightf A. Because 1t is X spelled.--Id.
| P. WHY is Congress like Charcoal? A. Be.
cause it has ben Wood.-Ib.
| So An TRREPREssIBLE REpoRTER.--A letter
| from Washington to the Cleveland. Plainds0I-
er, gives the following incident to illustrate
the desperate determination Of the reporters
to obtain full particulars Of every important
| event:
Col. Bakers funeral ceremonies took place
at Mr. Webb's The friends, the honorables,
and the military filed the house, the reps,rt-
ers were shut out Nov came the tag of war.
One reporters efforts alone viii tfve Is
sample. selecting the victor in the case Hav-
ing failed in all other efforts to get ia, he
brassed il up to Gen. Mcclellan, and asked
~. .~.l.