Cincinnati daily press. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1860-1862, 1862-01-02
NUMBER 1O5
ARURAL COLONEL FROM the WEST
In NEW YOhK.
How the Peter FuDks Took HI N In-who
isHeq
MEN YoRK. Novembor 1a

MEN YORK, November l8.
Some timo since royal Colonel from the
West came to New York to make speech
He was met the next day by gentleman
who called him by name-kneW him we'll
was charmed with the fervor Of his Western
eloquence-with the force Of his oratory,
with his unfaltering patriotism; to ali
which the Western orator bowed in the low
est humility avowed his sense Of un worthi-
ness, his inability to enlighten New York
audience; but expressed q warm apprecia-
tion of the manner in which the people
listened to his poor remarks. A fellow
feeling was at once created, and confidence,
that plant of slow growth, seemed to come
forth as by miracle. The pair reached q
store on Broadway, the ownership of which
the new acquaintance of the Colonel avowed.
II just popped into the mind of the Colonel
that he had lovely daughter at home, fair
as q rosebud, which was soon to bloom in o
conservatory Of waiting swain, who held
in his impatience to make the fair flower
his own till the Colonel should come home
from New York. Now this daughter needed
a gold watch, and he proposed to buy one.
The new friend of the Colonel allowed that
he kept watches in his establishment, but
had none that was worthy the attention of
the distinguished gentleman and his fair
daughter. He had some, it was true, but
as they could be sold for the paltry sum of
$125 to $500, it was not worth while to look
at them. And, moreover, the city of New
York was a bad place for strangers men
got cheated every day, and he would do well
to look sharp at all men who wanted to sell
him any thing, and be especially careful of
the company he got into. For all this he
was profoundly grateful, and insisted in 60
ing into the store and taking look at the
jewelry, as he knew thing or two, and the
man would rise up earlyin the morn
ing who got the better of him. Now let me
say to the reader that this friend of the Col
onel was one of the sharpest Peter Funks
i'll Yew York, and his store the head-quar-
ters of mock auctions So in the man went.
An elegant watch was shown the Colonel,
one of great value, worth $3.50, and cheap
at that. So a bargain was struck, and had
the Colonel gone on his way all would have
been well. But at this moment two men
came in-one q customer the other 'down-
town jeweler." The jeweler opened the bus
mess. His friend, he said, was about to
buy watch for 5000, and like wise man
as he was, he would not purchase until
some one that knew all about watches had
handed out, examined and found to be all
right. A new thought came over the Col
onel. He would have his purchase ex-
amined. Would the jeweler be kind enough
to look at his watch He would-and when
the back of the seller was turned, he said
in whisper "Dont take it." But the money
had been paid. The jeweler knew how to
manage that The whole stock was ex-
amined, and only one found that would suit.
That hung by itself on black velvet case.
That could not be had. 1t had been sold to
man who was to ''call for it at two, pre-
cisely." 1t was watch of rare value, and
could not be had at all, and if it could it
was invoiced at 5000. But that particular
watch the Colonel resolved to have. The
parties all waited till the City Hall alarm
bell rang out two, when the Colonel de-
manded the watch. The jewelcr seconded
the call. The seller was in doubt; his con-
science was tender; he wanted to do the
fair thing; but concluded to hand the watch
over, and the additional $50 was paid. The
watch was hardly in the pocket of the buyer,
before, painting with heat and haste, the
man for whom the watch was kept came
running in-he had been detained by the
omnibus-and demanded his watch. Great
was his indignation when he found he was
too late. The watch was his; he would have
it; it was two until it was three he would
give five dollars, ten, fifteen. But the Col
onel would not yield he did not trade in
watches; he had bought one, it suited him,
and $50 was no object. A quarrel followed /;
glass was broken; nose bled the Toombs
looked up before the Colonel, and to keep
the watch and make all square $50 more
was paid, and he departed. OF course the
reader knows that the jeweler and his
friend, and the painting man running in too
late to carry off his watch, were all bogus,
and parts of the establishment to carry on
the Peter Funks business On arriving at his
hotel the 5000 watch was found to be brass.
The police were called in, but the jeweler
had given up trade and the store was
closed He could get no relief He con-
cluded to shake the dust of Gotham off his
feet and 90 home. In frame,of mind not
exactly Christian, he took his seat in the
car-left it moment to go out /; came back
found an occupant in his seat, ordered the
interloper out; as the cars were crowded
the new conner could not see it. Viewing
all men as conspirators, he took the law int
his own hands-gave the intruder beat
ing was arrested, locked up in the Toombs
and left for home, after paying in all 81,
900, with the nxed resolution that when the
- party needed a speaker he should
not come on to New York to make the ora
| ton,