The Burlington weekly hawk-eye., 1862-05-10
onPnEUs o. kE.n's LETTEss.

ORPnEUo O. KRDnsS bETTEBs.
Prom ths New York Sunday Adcary.
Tbere = = certsln= pomeshing about Q stck
,ooun.. ny boy. hat makea fnG Ahlnk Du10usly
az ~ latter end. end recognize physciansas trss
hasosa AZ. The battlefield. The subdued swear-
inc 81 the sufferer on his bed, the mpfaed tread
al .tha venerable nurse, q ehe comes into the
room 70 make sure that the brandy rocommene!
cd by the doctor 4 not TOO mild forths pettenes
shs SepuJohsa1 shout Of the regimental cat - sne
recognizes Tie tread Of Lord Mortimer, the ser
gsants ball terrier, outside; al thece are nings
70 make, The spectator remember tnes We arg
but dust. and % return 70 dust isear destiny,
Of tie Pennsylvania Nod. .lsrfs was made sick in
. strange manner xdraft Of picked men from
certain regiments was ordered for perilous q.
pedition down the river. You may be aware,
my boy, that . draft is always dangerous 70 del
icate constitutions; and. Is the Aud-lark hap
pened 70 burst into profuse perspiration about
the time he found himself standing In this draft
he, Of course, took such . violent cold that he
had TO be put 70 bed directly. went 70 zee
him, my boy; and while be was relating to me
some Affecting anecdotes Of the time when he
used 70 keep . bar, . member Of the Aedical
Staff of the United States Of America came ir
TO see the patient.
This venerable surgeon first deposited a'large
saw, hatCeet and two pick axes on the table,
and then says he:, yfe.sT.s. /
"Hov do you 4ind yourself, boyi".
The mud.lark took . small chew Of tobacco
with 8 melancholy air, and says he:
II think I've got the guitar in my head. Mr..
Sawbones, and am about to join the ange
choir.n ~,
81 see how it is" says the surgeon, inought-
fully; ''you think you've got the guitar, when
it's only the drum of your ear that is affected.
Well,S says the surgeon, with sudden pleasant
ness, as he reached after his saw and one Of
the pick. axes, II must smputate your left leg at
once"
The mud-lark curled himself up in bed like a
wounded anaconda, and says he:
II can't see it In that light" s,.5ia,,
SWELL" says the surgeon, in sprightly man-
ner, '.then suppose put fly blister on your
stomach, and only amputate your right arm?'
The surgeon was formerly blacksmith, my
boy, and got his diploma by inventing some pills
with iron in them. He proved that the blood
Of six healthy men contained iron enough to
make six horse shoes and then invented, the
pills to cure hoarseness. fs5b
The sick chap reflected on what his medical
adviser had said, and then says he: E
"Your words convince me thst my situation
must be dangerous. I must see some relative
before permit myself to be dissected."
"Whom would you wish me to send fors" says
the surgeon. ,,-
"My grandmother, my dear old grandmother
says the mud-lark, with much feeling, ..-lT
The surgeon took me cautiously aside, and
says he:
my poor patient has cold in his head, and
his life depends perhaps, on the grati6cation Of
his wishes. You have heard him ask for his
grandmother" says the surgeon, softly, "and as
for, we must practice little harmless deception
We must send for Secretary Welles, Of the Navy
Department, and introduce him as the grand.
mother. Ny patient will never know the diff
| ference"
/ took the hint, my boy, and went after the
| Secretary; but the latter was so busy examining
| a model of Noah's Ark that he could not be
seen. Happily, however. the patient recovered
while the surgeon was getting his saw fled, and
was well enough last night to reconnoitre il
force. 8si
The Nackerel Brigade being still in quarter:
before Yorktown, am at leisure to stroll abou
the Southern Confederacy, my boy; and or
Thursday paid visit to Cotton Seminary, jus
beyond Alexandria, where the Southern intel
lect is taught to fructify and expand. This cele
brated institution of learning is all on one floor
with large chimney and heavy mortgage up
on it, and number of windows supplied viii
ground glass-or. rather, supplied with a Ger
tain openness as regards the ground.
Upon entering this majestic ediice, the mas
| ter, Prex PeytOn, descended at once from thi
barrel on which he was seated, and gave me {
true Virginian welcome: ~ ,a 80 +,
Though you may be Lincoln horde" say
he, in manorial manner, "the republic Of intel
lect recognizes you as only a man. The South
ern mind knows how to recognize a soul, apar
from its outer circumstances; for what says tht
logicians? Dues est dsima brutoren,i Take
seat on yonder barrel, friend Hessiap, and 20,
shall hear the wisdom Of youthful minds FRS
class in computation, stand up!' 7--
As took seat, my boy, the first class ir
computation came to the front; and it is my pri
vate impression, my boy-my private impres
sion-that each child's father was the owner o.
a rag plantation at some period of his life.
"Boys," says the master, "how is the table o
Confederate money divided?"
Into pounds, shillings and pence"
"Right Now, Master Mason, repeat the to
ble."
Master Mason, who was germ of a first fam
lily, took his fingers out of his mouth, and says
he:-
Twenty pounds of Confederate bonds make
one shilling, twenty shillings make one penny
six pennies one drink" -
THAT'S right, my pretty little cherubs," sayt
the master. snow 60 and take your seats, and
study your bowie knife exercises Glass in &c
ography stand up" -...,
The class in geography consisted of one
small Southern Confederacy, my boy, with q
| taste for tobacco.
"Master Wise" says the master, confidently
| "can you tell me where Africa is?"
1 n ~ N- sx-r
| "Africa is situated at the corner of Spruce
and Nassau streets, and is bounded on the
north by Greeley, on the south by Slavery, on
| the east by Sumner ind on the west by Love-
joy" ~
"Very true, my bright little fellow" says
the master; "now go back to your chawing.''
H'You see friend Hessian," says the master,
turning to me, show superior Southerners are
even as children, to the depraved Yankees In
| my experience, have known scholars only six
\ years old to play poker like old church mem.
| bers anda pupil of mine euchred me once in
ten minutes sa Nrs p ttf
Thanked him for his courtesy, and was pro.
ceeding to the door, when observed four boys
| in one corner, with their mouths so distorted
| that they seemed to have subsisted upon diet
Ofpersimmons all their lives
Venerable pundit, /" says l, in astonishment
chow came the faces of those offspring so de-
| formed?' 'a- Isi7 siIt
"O" says the master, complacently. 'fhat
class has been studying Carlyle's works"
retired from Cotton Seminary my boy,
with firm conviction of the utility Of popular
| education, and hope that the day might come
when Professorship Of Old Sledge would be
| created in the New York University.
Yours for higher civilization,
ORPHEUS C. KERR.
GRN LAuNAN-Tho p;ttah,roh ..,..a..