The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-05-07
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

PASTRY cooks generally furnish better
pufis than editors do.
ACCORDING 10 the articles of war it is
death to stop a cannon ball.
"DoG cheap" is now defined as mean
ing the keeping of canine without pay
ing license.
HEED not coquett's tears; eyes that
are always at work to fascnate don't weep,
they only sweat.
A YANKEE in Vermont has such re-
markably hard name that he spoils gross
of steel pens in signing one check.
NEVER marry man because he is
handsome; he will think too much of his
own beauty to take pride in yours.
1T is an economical reflection, that when
garments are too short, the difficulty may
be remdeed by wearing them longer
lT must be happy thought TO lover
that his blood and that Of his sweetheart
mingle perhaps in the same musquito.
THERE is man in New York whose
temper is so exceedingly hot, that he iu-
variably reduces all his shirts to tinGer.
IT has been suggested that the ladies,
nowadays, wear red stockings, because
they are driven TO extremities for blush.
a FELLOW in Kentucky, with a railway
Imagination, wants to know how long il
will be before they open the equinoctiai
line.
DEATH TO good man is the coming oI
the heart to its bossoming time. Do we
call it dying when the bud bursts into a
flower!
MEERscHAUM pipes, it is said, are made
out Of the foam of the sea. Tne manu-
facture OF them, therefore, must be &
Surge-ical operation.
Why is the Ohio river like drunkard
Because it takes in the Monongahela, goes
past Wheeling, gets Licking at Cincin.
natl, and Falls at Louisville,
The ladies' fashions for the ensuing
season show persistent determination in
the dear creatures TO crawl out of their
dresses through the upper part.
PASSING along youth tore his coat on
nail in barrel seeing which he struck
an attitude, and exclaimed: "See what
rent the envious cask has madem
"HAvE YOU no shame, sirr "No
neither of us has any-you because you
have no sense of shame, and because
never do anything to be ashamed Of"
AN English Missionary, now in Sum
atra, wrote home that be "had the mel.
ancholy satisfaction OF examining the oven
in which his predecessor was cooked"
"FATHER, have you seen anything Of
my bonnetl / must have left it in this
room" "No, my dear, have not; but
will take the microscope and look for it,
We don't object to the proposed Ia,
on hoop-skirts. If the ladies must take
up so much space in this over-crowdec
world, they or their husbands should pay
for it.
HE Confederate army surrounded ST
gel and his force three times in the battle
of Pea Ridge and thought they had him
But they might as well have surrounded
a thunderbot.
IoU think you are great man," sale
an impertinent fellow TO a gentleman hC
had offended. "Yes, l am a real Mump
er," replied the gentleman, suiting the ac
ton TO the word.
A MAN in Oxford is going to have bi.
life insured, so that when he dies he car
have something TO live on, and not be dc.
pendent on the cold charities of the world
as he once was.
40, MY dear, how came you SO wet y
inquired an affectionate mother of her son.
Why, ina, one of the boys said | dar-
sent jump into the creek, and by gosh, !
tell you amt to be dared
THE Dublin Journal observes that a
hand-bll announcing political meeting
in that city, states, with boundless libe-
rality, "that the ladies, without distinc-
ton of sex, are invited to attend"
A FLAG Of truce has come in with a
message from jeff Davis saying that he
wants clean pair of stockings. If they
are not sent Immediately he will hang
Corcoran. The stockings were sent.
A CINCINNATI reporter says of very
elegant pickpocket: "She rarely speaks
to any one; is always quiet, gentle, smil-
ing and genteel; comes like sunbeam,
and, like it, also steals noiselessIy away"
The newest Yankee notion is a ma
chine by which man can tell when he
has become sufficiently drunk. 1t is call
ed fuddlecometor; and it operates by
giving fellow sharp punch in the ribs