The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-08-06

into the sitting-room, where l met pleas.
ant, chatty, good. humored traveller, who,
like myself, was waiting for the morning |
train from Galena. We conversed freely |
and pleasantly on several topics, until
seeing two young ladies meet and kiss
each other in the street. and the converse.
ton turned on kissing, just about the time
the train was approaching "Comc," said
he taking up his carpet bag, "since we asc
on so sweet q subject, let us have praeli-
cal application. I'll make proposition to
you. I'll agree to kiss the most beautiful
lady in the cars from Galena, you being the
judge, If you will kiss the next prettiest,
being the judge" The proposition Stag.
gered me little, and I could hardly tell
whether he was in earnest or in fun; but
as be would be as deep in it as could pos
sibly be, agreed, provided he would do
the FIRST kissing, though my heart failed
somewhat as l saw his black eye fairly
sparkle with daring. "Y.s," said he, I'll
try it first. You take the back car, and 60
in from the front end, where you can see
the faces Of the ladies', and you stand by
the one you think the handsomest, and I'll
come in from behind and kiss her." had
hardly stepped inside the car when saw
at the first glance one of the lovcliest look.
ing women my eye ever fell on. A beau
tiful blonde, with auburn hair, and bright
sunny face, full of love and sweetness, and
as radiant and glowing as the morning -
Any further search was totally unnecessa-
nv. Immediately took my stand in the
ailse Of the car by her side. She was look
ing out Of the window earnestly, as if ex-
pecting some one. The back door Of the
car opened, and in stepped my hotel friend.
pointed my finger slyly to her, never
dreaming that he would dare to carry out
his pledge and you may imagine my hor-
ror and amazement when he stepped up
quickly behind her, and STOPPING over,
kissed her with relish that made, tiny
mouth water from end to end. | expect
ed, of course, shrek Of terror and then
row generally, and a knockdown; but
establishment succeeded astonishment
when | saw her return the kisses with
compound interest.
Quick as fash he turned to mo and
said, "Now, sir, it is your turn pointing
to hideously ugly, wrinkled old woman
who sat in the seat behind. "Oh, you must
excuse me you must excuse ~ exclaiIE-
ed II am sold this time. give up. Do
tell me who you have been kissing
SWELL" said he, "since you are man Of
so much TASTE and such quick perception,
I'll let you off," And we all burst into
a general of laughter as he said, -"This is
my wife have been waiting here for
her. knew that was safe proposition"
He told the story TO his wife, who looked
tenfold swceter as she heard it.
Before we reached Chicago we exchang
ed cards, and J discovered that my com
panion was popular Episeopalian preach
er of Chicago, whose name had frequent
ly heard. Whenever l 60 to Chicago,
always 20 to hear him, and heartier, mor'
natural, and more eloquent preacher it is
hard to find. He was then but youn
man; he is now we'll known as one Of tn
ablest divines of Episcopa! denominatio
in the West.-Harper's Monthly.
Humorous Amendments 10 the Ia
bill.
At this juncture, when the tax bill
soon to be brought to our attention in
most touching manner, these amendment
from the Editors Table of one of the mag;
zines are in place:
For every button on coat, 3 cents.
For carrying cane, 81.
For lorgnons or quzzing glasses, 81.
For using Expressly Prepared Mucllag
cents per pot.
Pencils and pens, 81 per annum.
On all keys in use, 6 cents.
For kissing anybody except relatives,
cents each time. N. B.: Engaged Co,
pies may commute for $40 per month
For ringing door-bells or using knocl
ers, cent
For using scraper or mat before doc
cent.
For not using scraper or door mat, s
For looking at lady anywhere, $40.
For shaking hands with ladies', 10 cent
For squeezing said hands, 81.
For not squeezing said hands when "ci
cumstances favor" $40.
For quoting French, % cents.
For saying sin our midst" or "pen
ing" or ''relable," or '.donate," or pr
ven,"s1
For writing ones name as Marie, Poll
Sallie, Maggie or Jude, 81.
For joining the Curb Stone Christi
Association, and waiting at the door
''see the ladies come OUT" $40.
For chewing spruce gum" cent.
For keeping the register of who's G
gagged" 81 per name.
For noticing with whom any or eve
body walks, where they go, ETC., for ca
indulgence $50.
For recording ANYTHING not strictly 20
own business, $50.
For responding in church like bluta
wild bull, $50.
For talking in the opera, $40.
For calling for encore, 5000.
For asking friends to take tickets to a
thing, 500.
For reading your own literary compc
tons to any one, 81.
For doing same to editor, or offering
do it, $1,000.
For borrowing anything, 81.
For staying later than IL p. m. wi
calling, SIS per hour.
For the boyish carelessness of calling
office or other place, and not leaving "
name, $40.
For using any hackneycd quotation,
cents.
For always mentioning, in connect
with name, that he or she is ''very rio
or "poor as job" 81.
Fer pointing out millionaire, 25 Gel
For talking Of your appetite, or 6isea!
or describing what you like to eat
drink, or when you change your fam
81.
A SuREwD TAIcE.-One of the batt
men got fine horse last week in ,
that does credit to his shrewdness and
genuity. He was out with party get
horses for the Government, by author
and giving receipts. when seeing
brick house some distance off, he sait
the captain, "I'll get you horse" r
ming around through the woods, as if cl
ed, he rushed up to the house, breath
exclaiming. "The Yankees are after |
The Yankees are after me! For G'