The Buchanan County guardian. (Independence, Buchanan County, Iowa) 1858-1864, 1862-09-23
HOW JIM BRANDER SALTED AND
PICkLED THE QUAKER FRIEND.

PICKLED THE QUAKER FRIEND
There lived in a certain neighborhoot
not far distant from here, boisterou
rowdy bully, called him jim Brander
Jim was "some" in fight. kind ofpu
gllistic Napoleon. Many and blood,
were the affairs he had had in his time
and lie had invariably came off first best
jim not only considered himself invul
nerable, but all the fighting characters
IN the surrounding country conceded i
was no use fighting Jim, as he was con
sldered to be patent threshing machine
that could not be improved on. In jim
nelghborhood had settled quite a mum
ber of Quakers. From some cause ot
other Jim hated the "shad bellies" a.
he called them, with his entire heart
he often declared, that to whip one o
these inoffensive people would be tht
GROWING glory of his life. For years
jim waited for a pretext. AT last the
longing desire Of his soul was to be graf
lhed. One of Jim's chums overheard 6
yonng Quaker speak in disparaging
terms Of him. The report soon came tc
Jlm's ears, not a little magnifed. jim
made desperate threats what he was go
ing TO do with Nathan, the meek follower
OF Penn, on sight--besides variou:
bruises and contusions he meant to in
flict upon Nathan's body; in his owr
language, he meant to gougo out both
his eyes and chew off both his ears.
Nathan heard Of Jim's threats, and
very properly, kept out Of his way, hop.
that time would modify Jim's anger. Ii
seams, however, that this much to be de
sired result did not take place. One day
trend Nathan was out riding, and in
passing through long lane, when about
mid way he espied Jim entering the 9th.
er end. Nathan might have turned and
He'd, but his flesh rebelled at this pro.
ceeding | will pursue my way peace,
ably said the Quaker, and | hope the
better sense of this man of wrath will
not permit him to modest me, or do vio-
ience to my person. Nathan's calcula-
tons as TO the lamb-liko qualities of his
adversary were doomed to be disappoint.
ed. %, no J thought bully, as he roc.
ognzed Nathan, | have him at last
Now III make mince meat of shad belly
will salt him and pickel him too
Wilt thou please dismount from thy
horse, said Jim, seizing the bride of Ma
ihan's horse, and mimicking his style
my soul yoarneth above all things tc
give You the d-dest mauling ever a
man received
Friend James, replied Nathan, thou
must not modest me, but let me 90 my
way in peace. Thy better iudgmenr
will surely tell thee that thou cannot pos
slbly be benefited by personally inj ur-
ing me-
get down in a moment thundered
jim, get down you canting, lying, mis-
chiet.making, cowardly hypocrite. II
drag you down If you don't dismount.'
Friend James, | demonstrate agains
thy proceedings and against thy Ian
guage,' replied Nathan Ny religion
teaches me sineerily-I am neither H.
ar, mischief maker, nor "A hapoerite
am no coward, but a man of peace, | de
sire to pursue my way quiety-let me
pass on
Get down, persisted Jim down will
you, | want 10 beat some Of your ID
religion out of you-I want TO give yor
HI of a tlogging before | leave you
think by the Tune | am through with
you, you will pass for tolerabe hores
man | will teach you, in short ant
easy lesson, the importance Of mindina
your own affairs, aud The risk YOU run il
slanderng your neig ghbor.'
Il will not dismount,' said Nathan
firmly, loose thy hold from the bride
You won't, won't you said jim
then here goes. and he made a desper
alto lunge 10 collar the Quaker.
Nathan was on his feet in an instant
on the opposite side of the horse The
Quaker, although Of much smaller pro
portions than his prosecutor, was all sin
ue aud muscle, and his well knit form
denoted both activity and strength. Hi,
wrath was evidently enkindled.
Friend James, he implored. sth,
pertinacious persistence in pressing m,
is exceedingly annoying thou must de
sist or peradventura | may 50 far forge
myself that | may do thee some bodil,
harm.
By snakes = said jim. coming towar,
Nathan, l believe there is fight enough
IN Broadbrim 10 make the affair interest
ing. | wish some the boys were here {,
see the fun Now continued jim
friend Nathan, am going TO knock OF
the end OF your nose--look out 7
Suiting the action to the word, Jim
after various pugilistic girations with hi
fists, made a scientific blow at the nasa
formation OF our Quaker friend. but Ton
lIyer couldn't more sclenuiicly hay,
warded it off, Jim was evidently dis
concerted at the i'll success of his first at
tempt-he saw that he had undertaken
quite as much as he was likely to accom-
pIish. Jim, however, strrightened him
self out. and approached Nathan NOR
cautiously. The contest began again
Nathan stood his ground firmly. an,
warded off the shower Of blows skillful,
which Jim aimed at him,
Friend james, said Nathan in lht
hea, Of the contest, tGis IS nero child
play. ltgrie,es me that thou hast fore
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