Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1862-01-24
How to Steal a Feather-Bed.

How to Steal a Feather-Bed.
Stopping for glass of cider at WILL
age public house in East Devon, | heard
story in connection with the above re-
condite subject, which amused me much,
and may interest readers. A rustic, who
had spent all his money in getting tipsy
at the rival establishment, came up to the
landlord of the Crooked Billet, and asked
him to gire him some liquor-about the
hight of all possible insults to a publican,
and so he of the Crooked Billet seemed
to think-but the tipsy one was not to be
put off in hurry he continued his i'm
portunitics, and for pint of elder, he
said, he would impart most valuable Sc
cret. The landlord seemed rather to
prick up his ears at this, and at length
consented to bestow half-pint, on condi-
tiou of hearing something to his advan-
tage; : and the liquor was handed over
and drained by the applicant.
Now said he, with a confidential
air, and stontorian whisper, " next time
yod do steal veather-bed, Mas'r, mind
YOU HUO uUNn stdlES WI uu bdChNdlus'
Great was the hosts indignation at
this second affront, but greater was my
curiosity to know the IN Gaming of the
phrase employed, and inquiring of a far
mcr in the inn, obtained the following
explanation:
There was, it seemed, at a village some
distance off, surgeon who prided him
self on his acuteness, and continually
boastcd that he had never been done
Now, it happened one day, that a scamp
who lived by his wits, was lurking about
the house, on the lookout for plunder,
and having noticed the surgeons wife set
off to market, saw presently the surgeon
himself 20 out, as he supposed, to visit
his patients. Him, likewise, he watched
off the premises, and then, finding the
coast clear, stole through the front door,
and walked up stairs to lay hands on
whatever seemed most eligible; the booty
selected was the best feather-hed this
he took on his back, and began descend
ing the stairs, with the precaution Of conf
ing down backwards He had got about
half way down when in came the surgeon
again.
&" Halo my man, where are you going
with that bed -
"Goan up stairs wi un, sur. There 5
gcn'Iman down to tn Rose and Grown,
sur, as says he is old friend o yours, just
come from lnger; and comun to stop wis
you, sur-ani comun up hisselt presently
wis luggage-and he'Ye sent up, sur,
wi these yer bed.
Il shall not admit it. | shall not adj
nit it, don't know any such person,
and I'm not going to be imposed upon,-
likely thing, indeed--d'you suppose any
stranger can come and quarter himself on
ME with tale like that No, no you
90 back, aul take that bed along, and
give my compliments to the gentleman,
and say he's made some mistake, and |
don't know him"
Well, sur, lis warm day, sur; and
made 50 bold, sur, | hope you'll allow me
something to drink.
Very well, don't mind giving you a
class to be rid of the business-there-
now you go back, and say as I've told
you
OF walked the rascal with his burden.
BY and by, returned Mrs. Surgeon, aud
went up stairs to take off her bonnet /;
down she came again.
" Now, my dear, always making some
alteration without consulting me, and
what have you done with that new ieath-
er-bed ,"
"Oh, Lord :" said the wretehcd man.
i" see it all"
Pray what do you see, my dear ?"
But enough. OF course the surgeon ;
reputation for sharpness was gone, and
that was the approved way to stead a
teather.bed in this neighborhood.-hoa-
dan Paper.