The Shasta courier., 1862-04-12
Signs and symptoms Matrimonial.

! " hen man is exceedingly willing to give
his wife money to go down town shopping
when he is portentiopsly ofieious in helping
her off, and declares that he don't think it is
| going to rain, even when the pavements are
sprrI7kled with the wrathful drops, we don't
believe in him-we are morally convinced
that he has got some piece of private mischief
in hand. When you come home you will be
certain to find your pet pair of scissors bro
ken, your little tack hammer d;slocated, and
the floor covered with pine shavings and
crooked nails. Some atrocious shelf. erected
to hold his slippers and irk-bottle, where
your rocking chair was wont to nestle, or
some rheumatic "stand," poised on three
rickety legs, and entirely independent of the
fourth, to which he calls yonr attention, as a
pretty ornament for your parlors, probably
account for his amiable anxiety. When a
man declares that he likes carpentering, keep
the hammer and nails locked up, as you val
ue your peace of mindz-a carpentering hus-
band is worse than an epileptic one
When your husband calls for needle and
thread, ''just to put a stitch into the collar
of his new shirt don't humor him; Offer
to make all the necessary repairs yourself,
but don't trust him with the work basket,
any sooner than you would trust your baby
Wltn Il OOngO lcOptIu "A . III
at g altering is perfectly indescribable-no
human creature can ever after get into shirt
on which a man has been trying his needle
hand. He will prick his fingers, fracture
YOUR thimble, chew up yopr wax, ruin the
material, and fnally-ungratefu mortal
show the transmogrifed garments to his
bachelor friends, as specimen of your nee
dlework, and assertunder your very eyes and
nose that you never yet made his shirts to
fit.
When he says the coffee is :. excellent, my
love - prepare yourself for something far
ther He is probably paving the way for the
appalling announcement that he means to go
on a Yachting excursion tomorrow ith Jones
and jackson when he says that you look
. Younger than ever, with your hair arrang
ed in that way" he only intends to coax you
to postpone house cleaning indefinitely.
When he says, incidentally, that he won
ders YOU don't keep pets. like other ladies'
that he should think, for instance, you would
like pretty little dog-you may be sure
that he has got some ill-conditioned cur. 90
mesticated at his Office, who has scratched up
the carpet, and torn up the newspapers, ana
flown at every one who comes IN, un'li IL
can't be tolerated any longer
When he comes home with the foothache,
make up your mind to be meeker than Mo
ses. and more patient than Job. Be ready
to wait On him uncomplainingly, and if y,u
take the whiskers off his face with mustard
plasters, and the skin off his throat with boil
mo saoe tea. so much the better. man
with the toothache is only to be subdued by
desperate measures
When he brings home new flute. and
box of s.prime Havanas, /" and writing
desk. and a gay silk dressing gown, you may
e1neet dissertation ON ..hard times" He
has probably lent hundred dollars to some
wretch. who will food the house with second
hand meerchaums and Colts rcvolvers for
three months to come, by way of payment!
When he exhibits disagreeablei inclination
to get into the kitchen, and imagines that he
can boil potatoes and fry ham . as well as
! any petticoat of 'em all" set the kettle of
hot water so that it will chance to tip over OF
his legs, and contrive the ash-pans so that
| be may accidentally stumble over their graz
Treasures once in while. If this don't cure
! him. he must be made of asbestos.