davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12
cvsnplas.s.

am poor miserable creature, remarked
Mrs. Pinfeather to a''sympathizing neigh.
Dor, and always expect to be. Nothing
ever goes right with mc. never sue.
ceeded in anything undertook, and never
shall. But / don't complain. First, and
last, don't suppose there's any woman
Of sickness. l don't suppose there's any
disease you ever heard Of, but what I've
had or expected to have before die. Las.
year had the crysipelas and the brown
creeters, and expect from my feelings.
that I'm in consumption now. But don
complain. -..a .t..-.trEz -a#t
believe there never was family more
bard to get along with than mine. There's
always something to pay. The boys get
to fighting in the street and tear their
clothes, and have to mend them. The
girls don't help me bit. There's Sarah
Jane-she's always fretting and complain.
ing about something or other. don't
know who she takes after, I'm sure. What
ever my troubles are never complain.
I'm always cleaning house, and it hurts
me dreadiully, and the more clean tho
dirtier it looks. But don't complain.
Everybody takes advantage Of my being
lone widow, and can't help myself
They don't pity me, not in the least. But
| don't complain. s-.. -.
They say everybody is born for some
purpose. It's my conviction that + was
born to be martyr. But don't complain.
| used to believe in human friendship,
but | don't now. If had friend
should be sure to lose him. My children
don't care anything about me. All they
want is to get all they can out Of me. But
don't complain. .e1.. r1s
! never expect to have any comfort in
living. never get moments rest. I'm
on my feet all day, and half the time,
can't sleep nights. But I don't complain.
Very likely you won't see me any more.
| feel | arm liable to 80 any minute. It's
hard to leave young family all to them.
selves, in this vale OF tears. But il it sho'd
happen shan't complain .|.
Mrs. Pinfeather stopped to take pinch
Of snuff, and her friend, bursting into
tears, exclaimed that she was the ''long
sufferingest woman she ever did see."
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12
Poetry.
THE PICKET GUARD.

This beautiful-and it is, to US, very beautiful
little poem was sent by member of the 49th Reg
ment to his wife, Buffalo Express.
"All quiet along the Potomac they say,
Except, now and then, stray picket
Is shot, As he walks on his beat to and fro,
BY a rifieman hid in the thicket
IT'S nothing private or two, now and then,
Will no. count in the news of the battle
Not an officer lost--only one of the men .f....
Moaning out, all alone, the death rat tle."
.
All quiet along the Potomac tonight, -.i- .st
Where the soldiers lie peacefully dreaming; Ill
Their tents in the rays Of the clear utumn moon,
Or the light of the watch-fre cleaning. sn
tremuouS sigh as the gentle nght-wind
Through the forest leaves softly : creeping; .
While stars up above. with their gittering eyes,
KEEP guard-for the army Ia sleeping 'att't-
There's only the sound Of the lone sentry's tread,
( A he tramps from the rock to the fountain
And he thinks of the two in the low trundie bed
Far away in the cot the mount ain. r
Ills musket falls slark--his face, dark and grim,
Grows gentle with memories tender, q. =
As he mutters prayer for the children asleep
For their mother may Heaven defend her
The moon seems to shine just as brightly as then
That night when the love, yet unspoken, si.s
Leaped up TO her lips when The low-murmurcd VOWS
We're pledged to be ever unhroken. -. ... .s
Then drawing his sleeves roughly over bis eyes,
lie dashes of tears that yelling.
And gathers hi. gun closer up to its place, sf
As If to keep down the heart-swelling.
lie passes the fountain, the blasted pine tree.--
The footstep is tagging and weary
Yet onward he goes, through the broad belt Of light
Toward the shade of the forest so dreary.
llark the night wind that rustlei the leaves
Was it moonlight so wondrousy flashing
Il looked like rife--''Ila! Mary, rood-bye!"
And the life blood is ebblng and plashing.
Al quiet aloa e the Potomac tonight
No sound save the rush of the river;
Whesoft falls the dew the face of the dead
The picket's of duty foreyerl
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

A French Story. In 1869, a gcntlemar
was passing late at night over Pont Neu
tParlS) with lantern. a man came up C
him and said, Read this paper" lie hclG
his lantern, and read as follows:
'.Speak not word when you've this read,
s Or in an instant you III he dead
Give up Your money, watch, and rings,
..1 With ather valaable things
Then quick in silence you depart
or l, with knife will cleave your heart"'
Not being a man Of much pluck, the af
tr'ghted gentleman gave up his watch and
money, and ran off. He soon gave the
alarm, and the highwayman was arrested
What have you to say for yourself?" in.
quired the magistrate before whom the rob.
ber was arraignetl. .. .... .,,..,..
That am not guilty ofrobbery, though
! took the watch and money"
ny not guilty =" asked the magistrate.
"Simply because can neither read nor
writ. Ipicked up the note just at the mo-
ment met this gentleman with lantern.
Thinking it might be something valuable, |
politely asked him to read it for me. He
complied with my request, and presently
handed me his watch and purse, ami ran off.
supposed the paper to be Of great value to
him, and he thus literally rewarded me for
finding it. lie gave me no time to return
thanks, which act Of politcncss was ready
to perform" u= -r. =
The gentleman accepted the plea of the
robber, and withdrew his complaint.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

ROMANCE IN REAL LIFE-The following
bit Of romance which we find narrated in
the columns Of the New Hampton Courier,
is gleam of sunshine in the rude havoc of
war, which, as chroniclers of present living
history. we cannot omit to chronicle:
George Peasc, one Of the most worthy of
the gallant young men who went from this
county with the Lincoln Guards, had the
misfortune, early in September, to injure
his foot so seriously, that he was scrt to
the hospital at ST. Louis for recovery His
nurse, Florence Nightingale in spirit,
proved to be an old sweetheart whom
George had known and loved in former
years in Wisconsin and so well did she
care for the disabled soldier, that he has
since taken her as a nurse and companion
:or life. George as soldier, and his wife
as miniSte,ing Angel of Mercy, will fol
low the fortunes Of the army to the close
of the war, ahd may God protect them both
to the end of the fearful Journey
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

b VIEW OF NIAGARA.-The Ohio State
Journal tells story of an Irishman of the
better class, who thought he must conform
to the fashionable mania in paying visit
to the Fall of Niagara Paddy arrived at
the Falls, and glancing at the wonders, ad-
dressed himself to a gentleman r ~.
And is this Niagary ralls!' g-..l
Yes slut - .- ..... .....s. .......
And what's there to make such bother
about 2
Why said the. gentleman, do you not
see the mighty river the deep abyss-and
the great sheet of water pouring down?'
Pat looking at the water, replied hesi-
tatingly- ''. '.''.'' ~. '...
And what's to hindther it?' a.a gfe
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

az a good story is told Of one of our
country constables, who was directed to
serve an execution. He was told that the
property to be levied upon consisted OF
three heifers, and after taking charge of
them he must endorse return describing
the property. With view to be entirely
correct, and not finding 'aul heffers,' he
specified as follows Il went to level ON the
3 hetfus, but they wont aul heffers ownly
wun wars shee heffer, and the uther wars
n moody bull and the uthcr wun wars .
bulley mule. dubuque Herald.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

, In the Tennessee Legislature, on
the 18th inst, the following was offered as
an amendment to the bill to protect the
property Of married women, and is now
awaiting action: 10 .H n.'.fa#a - +.
BE Hyurthsr enacted, That all women,
of whatever age, rank, profession, or de
gree, whether virgin, maid, or widow, that
shall impose upon, seducc or betray into
matrimony any male subject in the Conltd-
crate States Of America, by the means Of
scents, paints, cosmetics, washes, artificial
teeth, false hair. Spanish wool, iron stays,
high -heeled shoes, or holstered hips, shall
be guilty OF a misdemeanor, and upon con.
viction, shall be fined the sum Of 800 90,
and Imprisoned at the discretion Of thu
court trying the case. '.a,7 t'aa1
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12
\ nytllings.

Anythings.
New York is the victim Of new misery
The Sunday Mercury says the entire east
ern portion of that city has lately been in
| tested with feas to such an extent tha,
many tenemcnts have been deserted. "rhe
wicked hea," etc. =. Prof Anderson an.
nounces himself as an ambidextrous pres.
tidigtateur, an illusionist, physicist, and
a magician, whose performances are cyclo-
geal, ecumenical, and eclectic; his daugh-
ter is also announced as pianist, a retro
reminiscent cairvoyant, second sighted
sybil, and portfolio fairy. 1t seems ap-
parent that the greatest performances Of
this nccromancer are of an orthographical
character, and all on tAs bill. The skating
mania-says the Boston Iost--is at its
height in all parts Of the country subject
to the ice king. Men and matrons, boys
and maids are constantly essaying the
poetry of notion" notwithstanding chur-
lish papas and rheumatic virgins declare
that it is immodest to skate. Out on such
prudery. If Sophia wants to Try her hand
that is her foot-at skating, why, 'slet
her slide +" Everybody knows that it is a
little dangerous, nevertheless it is the most
decided Of anti pholosistcs-the most po-
tent Of Observation-Disclosures words,
querolous uncle, which mean that for ar
dent tcmperaments, and for all sorts Of
fevers, there is nothing better than ice. :.
Some writer, evidently more versed in
stock growing than naval operations, styles
Hollins Ram a ewes-less invention. Com.
Dupont, it is said, regards southern sea-
port-town as nuts for the navy which he is
but too happy to she'll" "Well, Jane, this
is queer world, "said Joe to his wife sa
sect of women philosophers have just
sprung up who hold'-"Indced," said
Jane, "and what do they hold ?" "The
oldest thing in natare," said hc--"their
tongues "......A western clergyman
in presenting revolver to volunteer said,
"if you get into tight place, and have 20
use it, ask Gods blessing if you have time.
If you don't have time do not allow your
enemy to get the start of you; you can add
your amen after you shoot. ! 1t has often
been truly remarked that in sickness there
is no hand like a woman's hand-no heart
like woman's heart-no eye so untiring-
no hope so fervent. Woman by slck
mans couch becomes the personification of
divinity "A cotemporary speaking of the
literary and artistic taste Of the late Prince
Albert says, "under favorable circumstan
ces he might have made clever newspaper
editor, but as it was, he was obliged to re-
main only Prince Consort"... A Detroit
paper mentions the arrest of a woman in
that city, with nothing on her person but
a loye-letter and an ambrotype." Rather
a poetical and picturesque costume, We
should say, and altogether too light for such
rigorous weather rs we now have. sfn
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

McCLELLAN's PLAN.-The wags have got
up new plan which they dub ''McClel-
lan's." 1t is somewhat as follows that
Mcclellan is waiting for the Chinese popu-
lation of California to increase to such q
rast number that they will be able to cross
the .,ocky Mountains and bring up his
right wing, by which time tbs Russian
Possessions and Greenland will have re-
dundant population, which can be drafted
down to the support Of the grand left wing
Of the Union army-and that when these
great events take place, the war will CON-
mence in earnest This is the hotel Joke
just now, and even Mcclellan listened to it
the other day with good d-natured laughter.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

sV- A clergyman in Perthshire, who
was more skillful as an angler than popular
as preacher, having fallen in conversation
with some Of parishioners on the benefits
of early rising, mentioned as an instance,
that he had that very morning, before
breakfast, composed sermon and killed a
salmon IL .--rs
'Ah, well, SIR observed one cf the com.
pany, 1 would rather haze your salmon
than yer sermon
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

AN ATRoCIoUs JOKE.-One of the ton of
Toronto, one night issued cards of invita-.
ton for select reunion, to take place at
his mansion IN one Of the fashionable
streets. Some malicious person got hold of
one Of the cards, counterteited it, and sent
copies to Tom, Dick and Harry, all Of
whom were totally unknown to the party
giver, and the last kind of persons he
would wish to welcome to his parlors. -
The finale is described as being indcscrib-
able,
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

sV- On wet, miserable, foggy London
day, Charles Lamb was accosted by beg
gar woman, with: ~. sres l3a.
Pray, sir, bestow little charity upon
poor destitute widow woman, WIN is almost
pcrishing for lack Of food. Believe me, sir.
l have seen better days.
so have !, said Lamb, handing the poor
creature shilling-'so have | It's a mis-
erable day Good BY ..........
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

A GREAT CALF.-Sir VIM. B, being
at parish meeting, made some proposals
which were objected to by farmer
Highly enrased, he said to the farmer:
Sir, do you know that have been 10 two
Universities ~
swell sir" said the farmer, "what Of
that? had a calf that sucked two cows.
and the observation made was, the more
he sucked, the greater calf he grew"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

CorSrRYMAS on "HIGn LlrE.r-A New
Yorker having become suddenly rich, built
large tine house on Fifth avenue, hired
number OF negro servants, and invited some
country cousins to come and see him. They
went, but did not know what to make Of
the great number Of servants, when their re-
la,ive had no family bat himself and wife.
On their return home they were asked "how
their city relative was getting along."--
"Weli," said they, 'he was living in lins
style on Fifth avenue keeping negro
boarding house"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

A COOP LIFE.-A life well spent, charac.
ter uprightly sustained, is no Slight legacy
to leave to ones children, and to the world :
for it is the most eloquent lesson of virtue,
and the scverest reproof Of vice, while it cor.
tinues an enduring source of the best kind
of riches. Well for those who can saw a.
Pope did in rejoinder to the sarcasms of
Lord Hervey-T think it enough that my
parents, such as they were, never cost Inc
blush, and that their son, such as he is, nev.
er cost them tear" o..
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

80 An Irish foreman to steyedore.
d'scharging ships cargo in London, re-
quired some extra help on deck, so he went
to the hatchway and shouted down the
hold to the men working there. Now thin.
how many of yes is down there: =
Three of u.s. was the reply. -@~
Then come up half of yes directly
says the foreman.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

A PREVENTATIVE OF BoARDING-Each OF
the Federal gunboats on the Mississippi is
supplied--to prevent boarding-with a
number Of large hose pipes for throwing
hot water from the boiler with force Of
two hundred pounds pressure to the square
inch. Any human being who encounters,
this terrible stream Of hot water will be
boiled in an instant.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12
Yortb goua Ci''1es.
GEO. w. TENNEY,
JOHN n. ANORlCk,
TWO DOLLARS PER ANNUM.

PRoFITAEIE.-We see it stated that J
II. Smith, Of Quincy, Ill.,, made during
the past season, from one acre of African
Sugar Cane, 1900 lbs. of sugar, besides
lis gallons of good syrup. The cost of
production to him was but cents per lb,
for tic sugar, and 30 cents per gallon for
the syrup, making his clear profit on one
acre of land estimating sugar at 10 cts,
and molasscsgat 80 cts.-thc very hand.
some sum Of 1921 so!
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

H The Chelsea Telegraph reports that
one day last week a lady of that city went
out to make call After ringing the bell,
Biddy came to the door, and the following
dialogue ensued
is Mrs. at homer s-.s
No mem; she's gone to the circus
TO the circus greatly surprised) what
circus has she gone to p
TO the sewing circus. men, .s#.6
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

PRACTICAL JoKING.-rhis is the age for
practical joking; and what are vulsarly
called sells seem to interest all alike. An
amusing instance has lately been perpe-
trated by several of the London jewelers..
A rich morocco case, of the size and form
of an ordinary Photographic miniature is
lettered out in gold Portrait of the Gorilla ,
1t is laid carelessly on the drawing room
table, with scrap book, etc. The unlucky
victim, beholding it for the first time, siczes
it with 'mpatience-'Ah, have not seen
that "opens it and sees himself reflected
in palpable piece Of looking glass if be-
whiskered and bearded, the joke tells
amazingly y-he drops it with speed, and the
gorilla tries to enjoy it. .'- n &
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12
n5NfD W. kaya N ht l. ,

H- We have boy at home about three
years old, who, by-the.way, is regular
shaver in his talk. One day we were try.
ing to teach him his alphabet, and asked
him what 'B' stood for. George was his
prompt reply. No we replied, it stands
for boy 'Well, is not George boy ~ he
asked triumphantly. 5.'.a
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

w- We heard lawyer and doctor
disputing the other day about bill fel-
low owed each of them. He was only able
to pay one Of them and so he left the mat
ter to themselves which ought to have it.
Il ought to have the money as matter
Of course said the lawyer, for saved
the fellow from, going to the penitentiary.'
And saved him from h-ll,' answered
the doctor. -az
1t is needless to add who got the mon-
ey. .r-- r--- .-.--- - - ----
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

:R- A paper in ncighboring State, az.
ter giving a long obituary of deceased
brother of the quill, thus concludes:
Are we not glad also that such an e6i-
tor is in heaven There the cry Of "more
copy shall never be abused any more by
his political antagonist, with lies and dctrac-
tons that should shame demon to promul-
gate. There he shall no more be used as a
ladder for the aspiring to kick down as they
reach the desired hight and need no more.
There he shall be able to see the immense
masses of mind he has moved, all unknow-
ingly and unknown as he has been during
his pilgrimage on the earth. There he will
find all articles credited, not clap Of thun
der sturm-and there shall be no i,orrid ty
biographical errors to set him in a fever.
We are glad the editor is in Heaven"
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

~ The Cleveland Herald says that du.
ring the past few months thousands Of
Philadelphia and other Eastern made wag-
ons, have been transported to Kentucky.
Among these. hundreds have been discov.
cred to have poplar hubs, whchnre just as
good as no hubs at all. Oh, the Enacss.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

Cross Your Ts.-An eminent banker in
New York wrote to his agent in London to
invest 100000 for him in State securities.
but he failed to cross the first {, and hin
agent bought for him an interest in slate
quarry in Wales. The agent was stupid,
but he obcyed orders literally.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

~ A hoasemaid, who was sent to call
a gentleman to dinner, found him engaged
in using lis tooth brush. We'll, is he
comingy said ,he. lady Of the house, as
the servant entered. 'Yes, ma ain, direct
iy,' was the reply, he's just sharpening his
teeth s-,tsY .-, t-..tz
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

@-Com'ng from pulpit, after heasy
sermon, popular minister said to q favor.
ite deacon:
"Deacon, I'm very tired"
"lndeedp' replied the deacon, ssthen
you'll know how to pity u.s." 80 !, !;
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

az Down the Potomac it is said that
the pickets sometimes put off in their boats.
meet and confer with each other but this
we hardly believe. Up the river, where
the men are within hail there are frequent
interchanges Of rough sentiment and the
hardest kind of jokes. On one occasion 8
Federal picket inquired Of seccsh if they
ever played bluff over there. when The
rebel smartiy remarked, YES, BalFs Bluff.
sometimes. Fed. was Union down during
the remainder of the interview.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12

81 We like to see a noisy mountain
brook put its broad shoulders ever ,anoA
to tho wheel OF q mill, and show sEAeAil
can labor as well as laugh. s~;rp $50.
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12
VOLUME Vino. Is.
.NiSCeLZN1seOelS.
10 "'.J j. F. WRIGHT & CO.,
GENERAL
Comm iss ion Merchants,
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS. L
Liberal advan ,ements made on Consignmen
January Goth, ls62yl ..gt'"H. r. ...sHf

1-1' '+.t" II. b. GRAY,
Clerk District Court Attorney and Counselor at Law,
and Solicitor in Chancery, Mason City, Cerro Gordo
county, Iowa Will attend pr ompty to any business
pertaining the Practice OF Law. in the l1th Judicial
District. Iowa. Will examine Titles, pay Taxes, sell
Lands &c. The hest of References cAeertuliy given
4. October 9th, ls6ltf f.. ... .. .s
The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-02-12
@ NEW LIVERY! R

AZ opened = LIVERY STABLE, near
III lielwig's Smithshop. st McGregor, aud 8 share
Of Public Patronsgsis is respectfully solicited. -
March 20, lS6ltf ~ .f .''
Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1862-05-21
kntediluyiau Trees,

We saw a few days since two remarka.
bic specimens of petrifed trees from Pike:
Peak. They belong to the University o.
Chicago, and 50 far as our knowledge ex-
tends, though a young institution, it has
the finest and largest specimens of the an.
tediluvian forests with which we are &C.
quainted.
While the change to stone is complete,
the structure of the wood is as perfectly
preserved as if no change had occurred
The petrifying agent was silica, and it may
be seen ~incrusting some portions of the sur
face in white and blue globules.
From the curvature of the rings of growth
We judge the tree from which these speci-
mems come, to have been at least fourteen
feet in diameter, and their number and
thickness indicate that it must have requi-
red about one thousand six hundred years
to grow to that size. The larger specimen
of The two is over nine feet In circumfer-
enee at the base on which it stands nearly
erect, and is five feet and a half high, and
weighs one ton and a half-3,000 pounds.
The other specimen is nearly as long, weigh
half as much. and is nearly uniform in size
from end to end. while the larger specimen
tapers from the base to about half the size
the top.
The species to which these wonderful
specimens belong, has probably been long
but they appear to resemble very
in every respect, the California red
wood Chicago Tribune.