The Grand Haven news. [volume] (Grand Haven, Mich.) 1858-18??, 1862-09-03
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
WHAr fish is most valued by hap
py wifel HERRING.

| py VIE! herring.
PUr your money into box if you like,
but not dice box.
SOME things are much better eschewed
than chewed tobacco is one of them.
To cure deafness-tell man you've
come 10 pay him money. 1t is infallble.
Why do the young ladies look so much
at the moonG Because they think there
is man in it.
The man who relies upon bis own
strength for success, skulls himself along
the stream of life.
SOME writer defines stuffed duck I"
to be young lady crammed with fiat
terry by her lover.
IT is more respectable to black boots
than TO black characteristic sew shirts
than to SOW strifes.
"JoE, did you ever dabbe in stocks 2"
"Why, yes, got my foot in 'em once !;
l didn't like 'em much"
FoR voyage across the sea, the winds
fiil our shrouds; for voyage of eternity,
we I'LL our own shrouds.
A MAN who has long fought bravely
against misfortune may want strength to
meet n sudden calmness.
LADIES, il your husbands scold you for
buying too expensive cuffs give them a
few smart ones to quiet them.
IT is said, that, in some Of the villages
Of the West, it is so healthy that the folks
have to shoot a man to start a burying-
ground.
A DESERTED dalnsel struck her lover
on tho head with poker, exclaiming with
sobs, "you have broken my heart, and
III break your head, sir"
If water was so scarce rs to command
high price, men would esteem it the
greatest Of luxuries, and drunkenness
would be less common than it is.
ais your powder brisk 2" "Ob, yes,
kcg of il took fire the other day, and
il burned half up before my boys could
thrown bucket Of water on it,"
AN Irshman, referring TO the sudden
death Of relative, was asked if he lived
high. Well, cant say as he did, but
he died high-hc was suspended"
CARE you full couSins?" said n lady
to a couple of young gentlemen at sump-
tuous repast. " | should think we were
from the number of times we have emp.
tied our plates"
"MAY | come 10 see you this evening,
Miss" "No." "To-morrow evening y
"No." "Some other limeT No.
"Well, you are a young lady Of decided
ly negative qualities"
A PENNSYLVANIA paper calls the Al
leghany Mountains "the backbone Of the
United States" Then our country must
be in very bad way-she has a good
many curyatures of the spine.
A PINT of whiskey will neutralize the
effects of a rattlesnake's bite without in,
toxication. We wonder if rattlesnake's
bite wouldn't neutralize the effects Of q
pint of whiskey without poisoning.
CHEAP OFFER.-The Louisville Jour.
nal offers 10 publish runaways from the
draft, with appropriate cuts, for one hall
the price usually paid for advertising run
away negroes. The offer is liberal one
A YANKEE being asked how it hap.
pened that his sweetheart had given him
tho mitten, replied IL was such foo
that praised her so much she got SC
proud she wouldn't speak to me-" Toe
bad.
The other day Mrs. Sniflins being un
we'll sent for a medical man, and declared
her belief that she was poisoned, and that
Mr.. Snifflns did it. "I didn't do il,
shouted Sniffins. ats all CANNON; she
is not poisoned. Prove it, doctor-oper
her on the spot, am willing"
"SIR," said little clustering man tc
a religious opponent, "to what sect dc
you suppose belongp "Well, don't
exactly know" replied the other; I" but
to Judge from your size and appearance,
should think you belonged to the clas:
generally called insects"
LATELY q gentleman Of Chicago wa;
accompanying two ladies to the pano
rama Of the Arctic Expedition, when, il
crossing Market Street, he stepped on {
hogshead hoop, which flew up and struck
him across his not very handsome nose
Good Heavens, ladies'" he exclaimed
(Which of you dropped that"
AT railway station an old lady sale
to very pompous looking gentleman
who was talking about steam communi
nication, spray, sir, what is steam ~
"Steam, ma'am, is, nh hl--steam is-eh
; ah steam is--steam-w "I knew
that chap couldn't tell ye," said a rougl
J looking fellow standing by; but steau
{ is bucket Of water in tremendous Pcrs
piration."