Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1862-08-02
Fact, Fancy and Fun,

Fact, Fancy and Fun,
Down South rebellion is on foot.
It lately fancied itself on horseback:
Some peoples hearts are shrunk in
them like dried nuts; you can hear
'em rattle as they walk.
Those who walk most are general
ly healthiest; the road ofperfeet health
is too narrow for wheels.
Punch says women first resorted
to tight lacing to prove to men how
well they could bear squeezing,
The difference between a miller
and sexton is, the one tolls for q liy-
ing, and the other for a death.
If Beauregard doesn't like to re-
deem his pledge to water his horse in
hell, why not take him to the Hot
Springs?
The rebels, fearing G that the battle
may be to the strong, console them
selves with the thought that the race
is to the swift.
An old maid being at loss for q
pincushion made use of ar onion. On
the following morning she found that
all the needles had tears in their eyes.
Some of our officers in the South
are marrying Southern women for tho
philanthropic purpose of preventing
the Southern race from beco ming ex-
tipct.-Louisvil1e Journal.
We used to hear the boys say of
particularly mean fellow that he
observed to be kicked to death by =
sheep" We do not doubt that Mem.
phis deserved to be butted TO death by
rams.
Love one human being purely and
warmly, and you will love all. The
heart in this heaven, like the wander
ing sun, sees nothing from the due drop
to the ocean, but mirror, which il
warns and fills.
"A prize Of twenty thousand francs
has been offered at Paris for the best
essay on the Regeneration Of the
bone," in the hope that, eventually,
medical sience will no longer have to
resort to amputation.
AN old minister uptown the other
day asked woman what could be
done to induce her husband to attend
the church. II don't know" she re-
piled, s'unless you were to put a jug Of
whisky in the pew" 49,
House cleaning, whitening, pain
ting, &c, are the greatest evils Of civil
ization. How happy the Indian who
has no plaster in his wigwam! No
mahogony to polish, or paint to scour
except that on his face, f
"a fine ould Irish gentleman" at
Lynn who did not own flag, wishing
to celebrate the Union victories, hung
out blue shirt and white one, to.
gether swid the ould woman's red pet
ticoat,' saying 'be jabeas! I'll have the
imbIems At any how"
"A young lady-a sensible girl
gives the following catalogue of differ
ent kinds Of love; "The sweetest, 9
mothers love; the longest, a brothers.
love; the strongest, woman's love
the dearest, mans love; and tho
sweetest, longest, strongest, dearest,
loye-a 'love Of bonnet"
We'll, what next?' said Mrs.
Partington, as she interrupted Ike, who
was reading the war Eews-'the pick.
cts were driven in miles? Bless nv
poor soul, but that will make q strong
fence. l suppose they had to be driv-
en- in deep, to keep the sessionsders
from digging out under them.
1T must be very hot in the south.
A contemporary says that small ne.
gro boy injudiciously leaned up against
the sunny side Of house and fell
asleep. in few minutes be began to
soften, and in three-quarters Of an hour
be ran over the yard. His mother
dipped him up and put him in q wash
tub.
"A household in Palmer, Mass,
was suddenly surprised, the other day,
at finding one of their number-an
Irish servant girl-about ready 20 in.
crease the population. The servant
pretended to be as much surprised as.
The rest, and tried to accouLt for it on
The new theory Of immaculate con.
peption."
What is Gods kingdom? aSeek
ye first the kingdom of God" It is .
igurative expression. Everything that
is Just, pure, true, right all Of hannsn
thought, aad feeling and action, that
assimilates itself to the divine nature
and example; all that which in thought
or feeling OF conduct is moral and good
that is Gods kingdom in this world.
That part of each individual mans life
which is holy and pure is Gods king
dom in him.