The weekly north Iowa times. [volume] (McGregor, Iowa) 1857-1867, 1862-11-05
A WAR NJ EETlNG.
BY ARTEMAS WARD.

| lney We oeen navin EN- bad IN varS parts
Of our cheerful Republic, and naturally we
caught 'em here in Baldnsville. They
broke out all over us. They are better at
tended than the Eclipse was
remember how people poured into our
town last spring to see the Eclipse. They
labcred into an impression that they
couldn't see it to home, and so they came
up to our place. cleared a very hand
| some amount of money by exhibitin' the
Eclipse to 'em in an open top tent But
the crowd is bigger now. Posey county
is aroused. 7 may say, indeed, that The
pra-hay .hories of Injianny are on fire.
Our big meetin' came off the other
night, and our old friend Of the Buglc was
elected Cheerman.
The Bugle Horn Of Liberty is one of
Baldinsville's 3 most enIinenteSt institootions.
The advertisements are we'll written, and
the deaths and marriages are conducted
with signal ability. The editor, Mr.. Sin.
kers, is polished, skarcastic writer
Folks in these parts will not soon forgit
how he used up the Eagle of Freedom, a
family journal published at Snootville,
near here. The controversy was about
plank road. "The road may be, as our
cotemporary says, humbug; but our
aunt isn't bald hedc |, and ,ce hlvn't got a
one-eyed sister Sal |! Wonder if the edi
tor of the Eagle o. rec 'on sees it?"-
This used up the Eagle 81 Freedom feller,
because his aunts ia. Goes present a
skinn'd appearance, al b : sister Sarah is
very much one-eyed. For gentle home
thrust Mr.. Slinkers has few ekals. He is
man of great pluck likewise. He has a
fierce nostril, and | blicve upon my soul,
that if it wasn't absolootly necessary for
him to remain here and announce in his
paper, from week to week, that "our Gov.
'ment is about to take Vigorous measures
to put down the rebellion"-I b'lievc upon
my soul, this illustrious man would enlist
as Brigadier General, and git his bounty.
! | was tixin' myself up to attend the
great war meetin', when my daughter en-
tered with young man who was evidently
from the city, and WHO wore long hair,
and had wild expression into his eve. In
one hand he carried port folio, and his
other paw cla>ped bunch Of small brush.
es. My daughter introduced him as Mr.,
Sweiber, the distinguished landscape pain.
ter from Philadelphy.
"He is an artist, papa. Here is one of
his master pleces-a young mother gain
admirably upon her rst-born,' and nv
daughter showed me really pretty pictur,
done IN lie. us it not beautiful, papa :?
He throws so much soul into his work"
docs he? does he?" said I--"well.
reckon I'd better hire him to whitewash
our fence. 1t needs it. What will you
charge, SIR | continued, Ito tn, ow some
soul into any fence?"
My daughter went out of the room in
very short meter, takin' the artist with
her, and from the emphatical manner in
which the door slam'd, | concluded she
was summit disguised with my remarks,
She closed the door, | may say, in italics.
| went into the closet and laried all alone
by myself for over half an hour. | larred
so vi'lently that the preserve jars ratified
like cavalry otfisser's sword and things,
which 1t aroused my Betsy who came and
opened the door pretty student. She seiz-
ed me by the few lonely hairs that still
linger sadly upon my bare. footed head, and
dragged me out Of the closet incidentally
observing that she didn't exactly see why
she should be compelled, at her advanced
stage of life, to open a ASYLUM for soopcr-
anooated idiots.
My wife is one Of the best wimmen on
this continent, altho' she isn't always AS
gentle as lamb, with mint sauce. No not
always.
But to return to the war meetin'. 1t
was largely attended. The editor Of the
Bugle arose and got up and said the fac,
could no longer be disguised that We were
involved in q war. Human gore" said
be, ''is fiowin'. All able bodied men sho'd
seize the musket and march to the tented
field. | repeat it, sir, to the tented field"
4 voice-"Why don't you 90 yourself,
you old blow hard s'
| am identified, young man, with the
Arkymedian lever which moves the world"
said the editor, wiping his auburn brow
with his left coat-tail; II aluie, young
man. to the press. Terms, two dollars a
year, invariably in advance. job printing
executed with neatness and dispatch" -
And with this brilliant bust Of elekance tn.
editor introduced Mr.. j. Brutus lInkins,
who is sutftrln' from an attack of Colleg,
in naberin' place. Mr. Hinkins said
Washington was not safe. Who can save
our national capeetle?
dan Setchell," said. ale can do it
afternoons. Let him plant his light and
airy form onto the Long Bridge, make
faces at the hirelin' foe, and they'll ske-
daddle! Old Setch can do it."
81 call the Napoleon Of Showmen," said
the editor Of the Bugle-"I call the Ma.
poleonic man, whose life is adorned with
SO mary noble virtues, and whose giant
mind lights up this warlike scsne--I call
him to order"
will remark, in this connection, that
the editor Of the 3ugle does my job print
ing.
"You," said Mr.. IIinkins, 'swho live
away from the busy haunts of men do not
comprehend the magnitood Of the crisis
The busy haunts of men is where the peo.
pie comprehend this crisis. We who live
in the busy haunts Of men live-that is to
say, we dwell, as it were, in the busy
haunts of men,"
IL really trust the gentrman will not
fail to say suthin' about the busy haunts of
men, before he sits down." said l.
81 claim the right to express my senti-
nents here" said Mr.. Hinkins, in a slight.
ly indignant tone, II shall brook no inter
ruption, if am Softmore."
"You couldn't be more soft, my young
friend" | observed, whereupon there was
cries of "Order order!'
~ regret can't ningle in this strife
personally" said the young man.
"You might enlist as liberty. pole"
said I, in silvery whisper.
But" he added" IL have a voice, and
that voice is for war" The young man
then closed his speech with some strikin'
and original remarks in relation to the star
spangled banner. He was followed by the
village minister, very worthy man indeed.
but whose sermons have tendency to
make people sleep pretty industriously.
II am willn' to enlist, for one" be said
"Whats your weight, parson 90 asked
"A hundred and sixty pounds" he said
well, you can inlist as hundred and
sixty pounds Of morphine, your dooty
bein' to stand in the hospitals artcr a bat