True Democrat., 1862-10-08
Letter from Crpheus c. Kerr.


 It is my belef-my solemn and affecting be lief, my boy, that our once distracted country, is destined 10 be such great military power hereafter, that an American citizen will be dis tinguishable in any part of the world by his commission as 8 brgader. Even Congressmen will answer to the command of " Charge mileage!' and it is stated that sons of guns in in every variety are already being born at the West-sons of !" Pop guns, my boy.
 The last time the General of the Mackerel brigade was here, he was so much pleased with the high state of strategy developed at the war office, that he visited all the bar rooms in Washington, and ordered the tumberS to be at once illuminated
 "Thunder!'' says the general to Colonel Wobert Wobinson, of the western cavalry, as they were taking measures to prevent any pos sibe mistake by seeing the enemy double, '' this war IS making great tacticians of the whole na- ton, and if wanted my sons to become Ma poleons, I'd put them into the war office for 3 week. My sons! my sonsl' says the general, hysterically, motioning for little more hot water, why are you not here with me in glory, instead of remaining home there, like ripe plums on the parent tree"
 "Plums! plumsl' says Colonel Wobinson, thonghtfuly. "Ah! I see," says the colonel pleasantly, "your sons are damsons."
 The general eyed the speaker with much se- verity of countenance; my boy, and says he:
 " If you have any sons, my friend, they are probably fast young men. and take after their father-at t.e approach of the enemy.
 Speaking of strategy, nay boy, you will re- member that company ,, regiment ,, Mackerel brigade, started for an advance on Richmond loct uyoely and uara within tan fn,la. of fba city. Subsequently they made another forced march of five miles, leaving only fifteen miles to go; and on Tuesday messenger came in from them to Captain William Brown, with the in, teligence that the advance guard were already within twenty-five miles of the rebel headquar ters.
 "Ha!' says William, the Confederacy is doomed; but must curve the advancing im-- petuosity of these devoted beings, or they'll be in Canada in a week. I think" says William, calculatingly, that a retreat would bring to the summer residence of the Southern Conied- eracy in less time.'
 Here another messenger came in from the Richmond storming party, and, says he:
 |" The advance on Richmond has failed in consequence of the shoes furnished by the United States of America"
 "Ahl' says William, hastily setting down a goblet.
 "Yes," says the chap, mourufully, them air shoes has demoralized company 3, which is advancing back to Paris at double-quick- Them shoes,' says the chap, (which was fur nished to the sons of revolutionary foreiathers by contractor, at only twenty-five dollars a pair for the sake of the union, has caused a fatal mistake, they got so ragged with being exposed to the wind, then when company 3 hastily put them on for an advance on Rich mond, they got the heels in front, and have been going in the wrong direction ever snce."
 "Where did you leave your comrades?" says William.
 "At Jonesses Court House." says the chap.
 "Ah!" says William, lis that healthy placer"
 "No," says the chap, {" it's very unhealthy was drunk all the time I was there'.
 T see," says William, with great agita ton. "my brave comrades are in tight place. Let all the newspaper correspondents be ordered to leave Paris at once," says William to his adu- | tant, and we'll take measures for second up- rising of the North"
 When it became generally known, my boy. that company 3, regiment 5 Mackerel brigade were falling back across Duck Lake, there was great agitation in government circles. and the pSuerhl OI nAdNhCACl IiSdue prepared to call | out all persons capable of bearing arms
 "The constitution is again in danger" said the general, impulsively, and we must appeal to the populace."
 ".Ah!' says William, " it would also aid ou, l holy cause to call out the women of America | For the women of America says William. ad. vsingly, "are capable of barring arms to any extent"
 No!' says the general. " Woman's place in this war is beside the couch of the sick sol dier. Thunder" says the general, genially "It's enough to make us fonder of our common nature to see the devotion of woman to the in valid volunteer. As 1 was passing through the hospital just now," says the general, feelingly q saw tender, delicate woman acting tn, part of ministerng angel to hero in a hart ague She was flaming him, my friend-she wa flaming him.
 Heaven bless herb says William, witl streaming eyes; i" and may she never be withou a stove when she has fever. l really believe
 T